Huh. That’s interesting. ‘Faultless’, ‘flawless’, ‘ultimate’, so many words that make absolute sense, yet I still don’t get it.. Hmm..

Oh you’re here. Great! Let’s talk..

Have you ever met someone who is really ‘perfect’? A person nice to be with, a hardworking and smart person, someone who goes through his/her day making everyone around them happy, someone who can’t kill a fly, someone who knows how to handle their responsibilities and how to help others handle theirs, someone with a Bharat Ratna and Nobel Prize probably , someone who tosses a coin and always wins except when he intentionally wants to lose to a child, someone who never lies or someone who can catch lies even before they’re spoken, someone with a perfect family to go home to, someone who knows Ninjutsu, can shoot a sniper rifle or someone who equally likes DC and Marvel ?

Even if you take out the Nobel Prize thing.. or the Ninja stuff , I doubt any of us have seen this person yet. And this is just the beginning. I mean there are more qualities that one needs to become ‘ultimate’, right?

Well, imagine if there was someone born to be perfect. Literally, born to be made perfect.

I’ll talk about an anime series I just completed watching. It’s called ‘Monster’. No, no, don’t worry, this story isn’t about this anime. But I’ll use some references here and there

Disclaimer: I’ll assume none of my readers will actually go and watch this anime just because I liked it, so I’ll be spoiling stories from the anime from this point till the end of the blog post. Deal with it

So this anime is about a child who was born as a part of an experiment to become the one who could shape the future of the country. There was no clear indication as to what they wanted him to do for the country but nevermind, it was for the best or their definition of best.

He actually ended up becoming a cold hearted killer referred to as ‘Monster’ or ‘Devil’ by everyone who had known him. But that was probably part of the plan according to the people who thought they were pulling the strings.. well those people also end up dead.

The character doesn’t spend much screen time killing anyone though, well actually the character doesn’t have much screen time at all but he is still at the center of everything and we always feel his presence throughout the series. The character is indeed, a monster.

So why am I talking about this anime and the devilish character in it in the middle of a blog about perfection?

Well, it’s the story of how this child was raised and the experiments around him. Everything from his birth to everything he experienced was made ‘perfect’ by the string pullers. The father and the mother were selected as a part of the experiment, the kid was not given any name because he didn’t need one, there were psychological experiments carried out on him to shape him. He had a twin sister. Later in their story they both run away from their house and are later sent to an orphanage. The orphanage was also an experiment center where the boy and many other orphans were trained to lack emotions of care, trained to forget everything about their past and basically become rocks who can do anything and become anything.

I’m not very good at reviewing TV series or stuff so that’s the best I can explain it. But you get it right? This is exactly the stage someone needs to build a perfect person.

Let’s get back to our common idea of a perfect human.

You see I’ve already started calling it ‘human’ instead of person. Also ‘it’ instead of him/her.

The perfect human won’t cause any sadness around itself. Can a perfect human cry in front of others? No, because that would make others sad. Alone? That’s not very perfect if you ask me. There was a character in the anime, who had also been brought up in the same orphanage, who had lost his son and he didn’t know how to react to the loss. He didn’t cry because he didn’t know how many tears should be shed. And even if he did, it would be fake. He would generate tears if needed but did he need to?

He was made into a perfect spy for the country. He was perfect indeed.

Well, won’t a perfect person be reduced to being a robot who can generate emotions? But wouldn’t that also make everything fake?

Is fake real? Can fake be perfect?

Or do we need to be fake to be real? Do we need to be fake to be perfect?

A perfect human is not expected to get frightened by anything that comes to it because it has to save his loved ones from every fear. The perfect human needs to forget what fear and pain look like. The perfect human cannot be angry on anything because anger is unnecessary and it hinders their ability to think clearly. The perfect human cannot be angry on anyone because it knows the reason behind every of their actions and can empathize with them .

The perfect human follows the perfect schedule every day, never stepping out of line not because it lives for rules but because now it doesn’t ever feel like changing anything.

The perfect human cannot express its feelings if it has any possibility of hurting others, the perfect human can neither keep emotions that would hurt itself. The perfect human doesn’t have a particular taste in music because it would be disrespectful to the other artists.

The perfect human is understanding, obedient, selfless and too good to be bad at anything.

What if the entire world becomes this perfect? Imagine a world where there are no friendly quarrels, no kids breaking your windows playing cricket, no debates on what’s good and what’s not because everything is only good, everyone greeting each other, wishing for each others’ wellness to the point that there is no meaning left in repeating the same wishes again and again…

Sheer perfection. The end? Isn’t it? Yup, it is the ‘end‘.

What happens when this perfection destroys the person inside the human? What if perfection makes the human choose to ‘not belong’ anywhere only so that its presence or absence are alike to the rest of the world?

Nobody really deserves this monstrosity called perfection, nobody deserves to become the perfect devil to themselves.

The ‘monster’ character in the anime kills everyone who has ever known him in order to commit the perfect suicide. Probably because he decided he shouldn’t exist..

The light at the end of the tunnel has the power to make us walk towards it and we do wonders on our way to that light, but probably all that really lies at the end of the tunnel is our own life flashing back at us in bits and pieces of nothingness. But that doesn’t mean our journey was a waste, right? In fact, it makes the journey even more meaningful.

Perfection, in some sense is this master fabrication of human imagination which has never existed and should never ever exist. And probably it only makes sense to believe that we can aim for perfection as long as we never actually achieve it.

Because after all, if you have everything, your life isn’t complete.. it is over.

]]>http://www.mahaveerverma.com/the-devil-called-perfection/feed/0Of Old Songs And New Peoplehttp://www.mahaveerverma.com/old-songs-and-new-people/
http://www.mahaveerverma.com/old-songs-and-new-people/#respondMon, 30 Oct 2017 17:01:14 +0000http://www.mahaveerverma.com/?p=504There are places I remember All my life though some have changed Some forever not for better Some have gone and some remain All these places have their moments With lovers and friends I still can recall Some are dead and some are living In my life I’ve loved them all – “In my life”, […]

There are places I remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all

– “In my life”, The Beatles.

How do I begin this one.. Hmm.. Sometimes the most difficult step one has to take is the first one. Like literally, while your age is still counted in months and when you don’t have enough words in your vocabulary yet, that’s the most difficult step right? To get up and start walking. And the day we start walking is the day our elders realize, “The kid has potential ha.” And then it just never stops. Did you think of *that* when you were learning how to take your first step? Nah, you were more like “Yay, watch me fall on my face”.

And that’s life.

Much of life is short term. And as John Maynard Keynes said, “In the long run, we’re all dead”. Well he probably meant to infer something about economics of the world and stuff but we can use a fancy quote anywhere

But then there’s this theory called the butterfly effect which says that “small causes can have larger effects”, which essentially means that Usain Bolt also fell down on his face when he was 10 months but he didn’t stop… and neither did Hitler for that matter.

There’s this other butterfly effect when you’re in school, or college, or at work where you have a first day, you set some first impressions, you get some first impressions and as time progresses, you either build on the same impressions or you rectify them based on your learning and experiences. You meet people, make circles and pretty much let time do the rest.

When you’re in school, you have recess. When you’re in college, you have multiple breaks and/or bunks and/or rebels. When you’re at work, you have your coffee break minutes and lunch time and the occasional extra long discussions that started with something remotely related to work and end up in either world politics or cricket or something which nobody likes to talk about but still talk about.. probably just to keep the conversation going.

And that is it. That moment. We stand with empty coffee mugs in our hand, when just for a second everybody is smiling, staring towards one corner of the room, without any person saying anything at all.. And who would disagree if I say that that silence is the most real thing about people. When people have nothing to talk about, nothing to keep them all together in that pantry and yet, nobody really moves..

And you thought friendship in a workplace didn’t exist

Yes, school was simple. You’d jump around and meet people and that is pretty much it. You talk, play, share your homework, occasionally visit their home if your parents allow and if their parents allow. When you grow a little older, your school sends your entire class to trips occasionally and that’s probably the best memories you have of everyone being together. You have to agree that school teachers did something that no student could ever do on their own, which is to make every single student get together under a common roof and go on a single destination without fighting over the place, without voting for any kind of menu selection or budget restraints. At least I haven’t seen any college group plans going as successful as this

And when you grow even older, you join a company and see that the logic hasn’t changed much We still go to ‘outings’.

Oh you guessed that I’m going to write about my company outing here?

I think I can try that.

Yes, we went on a team outing recently. A good place with lots of fun activities, breakfast, lunch and stuff. Now you might think that I’m going to write something like a journal about the things that happened there but if I try that, it’ll be too boring for me to even complete it.

Actually I’ve tried that before once.

I remember when I was in my 9th standard we had a school trip to some temple I forgot and the Science City in Ahmedabad. It was also supposed to be a trip to the Indroda Nature Park in Gandhinagar but a Jaguar decided to go on a casual leave without notice and so we weren’t allowed to search for it in the campus. The authorities thought it was too dangerous. Didn’t know we’d grown up watching Mogli.

I brought a small diary that day to note everything I do. If that day I had thought of writing a blog someday, I’m sure this article wouldn’t exist Because it was a terrible idea to write ‘everything’.

My first few points probably read

1. ‘Welcome Gandhinagar’ sign board

2. The guy who said we can’t enter the park

3. The kid sitting next to me watching me write about him

I’m not sure when exactly I stopped writing things then. I even intentionally forgot my diary on the bus when we took a break in some park but my friend got it for me from my bag. It was nice of him but I wanted him to cry.

This team outing that we had, we played some small games where we had to showcase our team working capabilities and especially how well we work when we’re competing against our own teammates. But then that’s the fun of it. You get to shout at the losing side and they won’t feel bad about it. No, not me, I don’t think I can shout but I agree to the shouting people. Because we won 2/3 of those games

We had an ATV version of Mario Kart without the racing. That’s Luigi in the photo below.

We had ‘Khatron Ke Khiladi’ without the ‘Khatra’ or ‘Khiladi’.

We had paintball.. No joking. Paintball is paintball.

And then we had the ‘Kayaking won’t get your clothes wet’.

Guess what? Kayaking got our clothes wet.

Oh and I played my guitar for a bit while on the bus

It was fun. And no matter how much we think about how the place could’ve been better or how things could have just taken a better turn, it was something to remember.

Because sometimes, all we think we do is not actually what happened. We’d count the crackers we fire every year when we were a child but Diwali wasn’t just about it. It wasn’t just about the sweets, clothes or anything for that matter. Maybe emotions are more complex than we think and maybe we don’t know our emotions as well as we think we do.

I gaze into the doorway of temptation’s angry flame
And every time I pass that way I always hear my name
Then onward in my journey I come to understand
That every hair is numbered like every grain of sand

-“Every grain of sand”, Bob Dylan

I don’t remember who was next in line after me on that ATV. But I know I would have smiled and handed over my helmet to him with joy. I don’t know if I hit anyone in paintball but I remember everyone’s reaction seeing the machine gun sound that my gun made. For the record, the trigger was sticky. I didn’t just go all rebellious and waste all my paint balls in 2 shots.

I don’t have a photo of me going down the rope but I am pretty sure I won’t forget the breathlessness I felt when I accidentally jumped down the ladder when I WASN’T READY! Actually, thank God there isn’t a photo of me doing that. It would have been a bad photograph.

I generally don’t take a lot of photos. Probably just a few to remember the day with. And then there’s this photo.

If you’re in this photo, I know what you just did. You quickly scanned through the pic to find yourself first. Ah that’s not bad Because I also know what you did after you found yourself… You started looking for the people you know. People you’ve known or people you want to know..

Because at the end of the day, it’s not about how many things you got to do there… It’s about who you got to do them with

Because the logic of life really doesn’t change much.

We keep growing and we keep looking.

We keep looking for people we think we know.

People we can understand and hope they understand us back.

People we don’t really understand

And maybe very importantly, the people whom we probably want to understand

Probably the only thing that I thought when we were returning from the outing was if there was something that could have made the whole thing even better. But I guess no day can be perfect. And there’ll always be sleeplessness sometimes.

Everybody has a different way of looking at things.

Like music.

Some people like pop, some jazz, some rap, probably some like rock. Sometimes they’re just songs. Sometimes, they’re more than that. I believe sometimes you can totally understand a person by their music playlist.

And that’s why I prefer not to share my music playlist.

But I’ve tried and the results have been.. well, how do I put it.. bad.

It’s said that you can’t and shouldn’t open up to everyone. I would say that goes for your music as well

Ev’rybody’s talking about
Bagism, Shagism, Dragism, Madism, Ragism, Tagism
This-ism, that-ism, is-m, is-m, is-m.
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance

– John Lennon

I don’t know if it really really worked, but a million people gathered up to sing this song to protest the Vietnam war in the 1970s.

And anytime you feel the pain,
Hey, Jude, refrain
Don’t carry the world upon your shoulders
For well you know that it’s a fool
Who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder

-“Hey Jude”, The Beatles

I don’t know if this worked either but this song was written by Paul McCartney to comfort John Lennon’s child during his parents’ divorce.

When rain has hung the leaves with tears
I want you near to kill my fears
To help me to leave all my blues behind
For standin’ in your heart
Is where I want to be and long to be
Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind

-“Catch the wind”, Donovan

Now this one definitely worked because Donovan married Linda Lawrence 4 years later.

I said goodbye unnoticed
Pushed towards things in my own games
Drifting in and out of lifetimes
Unmentionable by name
Searching for my double, looking for
Complete evaporation to the core
Though I tried and failed at finding any door
I must have thought that there was nothing more
Absurd than that love is just a four-letter word

-Written by Bob Dylan, Sung by Joan Baez

It was really absurd that Bob and Joan were never together. Probably love indeed is just a four-letter-word

What do you feel about music?

Is it something that makes your feet tap? Is it something that makes you feel happy about what you have? Or is it something that you drug yourself with in order to survive the mindlessness of the TV generation? Isn’t music about all of it?

Music is just like people.

Different people, *want* different people in their lives. People *like* different people in their lives. People *need* different people in their lives..

And when I hear my favorite song, I don’t just hear the lyrics, or the singer or the music. I hear stories..

Stories of people I’ve never met..

So yea.. I find new people in old songs.

.

.

And sometimes the picture before the picture has something more to say

]]>http://www.mahaveerverma.com/old-songs-and-new-people/feed/0The Internship (Sort of)http://www.mahaveerverma.com/the-internship/
http://www.mahaveerverma.com/the-internship/#respondSat, 09 Sep 2017 20:32:05 +0000http://www.mahaveerverma.com/?p=484Just like every of my other recent stories, this one will begin with the mandatory “It’s been long since I last wrote.” 😛 I’ll then say that it has been like what 1,2,3.. well 6 months since I wrote 😛 Then I’ll move on to saying about things that happened these last 6 months. That’s […]

]]>Just like every of my other recent stories, this one will begin with the mandatory “It’s been long since I last wrote.” I’ll then say that it has been like what 1,2,3.. well 6 months since I wrote Then I’ll move on to saying about things that happened these last 6 months. That’s the essence of my every usual story, I know

This one will be no different. So now that I’ve already cleared the air and said what I’ll be saying about, let me start saying it

Well most of the people reading this already know enough about me to know that this year is the year I complete my engineering. For the new people in my life and/or my blog, first of all, a warm welcome And second of all, well I’ve already mentioned that this year is when I complete my engineering

So what happened these last 6 months that’s worth sharing? What happened is the most common thing in any engineering student’s life when you think of “6 months” Plus the title is a giveaway. Yea I had my final year internship

Here comes my mandatory promise that I’ll try to keep this one short so that you can complete reading it in say 10 minutes. It’s a difficult promise to fulfill though. Because, a lot happened these last 6 months. And I guess every of my classmate will say the same. The journey from being a student to being an employee, or the journey from being a B.Tech student to an MBA/MS student, the journey from being really close to your friends to being far and yet trying to be close to them.. a lot happened these 6 months for all of us

A new city, new unknown language(S) (yes a capital S, seriously, new unknown languagessss), new people, new language(s), a new role, new language(s), new awesome food and did I mention new language(s)? Well, okay I’m exaggerating a bit but the best part of moving to a new city is the new culture that you get the live in which is highly characterized by the languages. And as I was told, living in South Indian cities are difficult considering the (assumed) lack of support for Hindi. So I had some expectations with Bangalore based on what people used to say to scare people like me and that hyped me even more to actually face all of it Like getting stuck in traffic for hours or failing to communicate to rickshaw drivers because they didn’t know Hindi but then remembering that they understand English and that I know English as well. Ah.. the challenges that I’d face…

To my disappointment, Bangalore isn’t difficult to survive for a North Indian who’s lived far from traffic No but jokes apart, seriously, thank God it actually isn’t

But then I’d say maybe it is less difficult for me because I’m Hindi and I’m used to living in states with regional languages. Yes, North Indian languages like Gujarati is easier to learn and the ratio of Hindi-understanding-people is more than South Indian states but Bangalore is a very good exception. Only once have I found a local shopkeeper who neither understood Hindi nor English. But then you can use the ages old trick of saying it slowly because well, every language can be understood when said slowly right? And they’d do the same to you And then all of a sudden one of you would understood what the other wants.

Remember I stressed so much on the (s) in language(s)? Bangalore is the IT hub of India so you’ll find people from all over India here. And you’ll get to hear a lot of languages here and I’m not talking about only South Indian languages but North Indian as well. For reference, I’m considering North-Eastern and geographically Western and South Western states into ‘North India’ as well.

So when you’re new, you’ll find yourself bombarded with unknown languages being spoken all over the office canteen and if you’re like me, you’ll initially keep your scope of guesses limited to Kannada, Malayalam, Tamil or Telugu. And since it’s literally impossible for a newcomer to distinguish between the 4, you’ll keep playing the game of “guess the language” until the day you realize you are able to ‘hear’ some words. Oh, it’s been less than a month and you’re able to grasp some words? That’s a North Indian language then And when that happens, you feel cheated. Cheated by yourself that while you were busy guessing whether the language was Kannada or Tamil, it turned out to be Odiya

Ok let me take a step back and explain

I was provided a 15 day hotel accommodation by Nvidia. I woke up to interesting new breakfast dishes which I assumed should be Karnataka’s special. The hotel manager speaking to hotel staff was probably one of my first exposure to a South Indian language where I could try to catch his words. I failed to catch a single word no doubt Oh and it was later brought to my knowledge that the hotel was managed by a Keralite and most of the dishes that I had assumed to be from Karnataka were actually from Kerala :/ I had to reprogram some of my brain-fuses in response to this enlightenment :/

On my first day of Internship, I met my team, the people I’m going to work with, the people who had been in Nvidia since long, the people who know so much I don’t. My college classmate who had started his internship a month before me introduced me to everyone and I as usual assumed that most of them (or all of them) would be ‘proper’ South Indians. By ‘proper’ I mean I assumed I should be talking to them in only English and not confuse them with Hindi in case Hindi wasn’t their preferred language of communication. Except for my college seniors in Nvidia. I mean they couldn’t have forgotten Hindi I knew And to make my belief stronger, all of them did indeed talk in a language unknown to me and I assumed it to be Kannada

My classmate friend said there was a guy who knew 3 or 4 languages and I don’t know why I did’t think Hindi would obviously be one of them And don’t blame me, remember people who tried scaring people like me?

So it took maybe almost a week to realize everybody in our lunch table knew and spoke Hindi :/

Oh and none of them (lunch table people) were Kannada. Instead, what most of them spoke was either Odiya or Telugu at times. My thumb rule, if you’re able to grasp a word, it’s Odiya, and if you have no idea how their lips convert some air pressure into words, it’ll be Telugu. Odiya accent is somewhat similar to Bangla which I’ve been exposed to before so that helps differentiate, not that I understand the meaning of any word though

When I look back at it, I think I should spent a bit longer on asking people where they’re from and which languages they spoke. That would have saved me from all the re-wiring I had to do to with my brain. And by the time I re-wired every of my understandings and learning, I decided to stop playing the “guess the language” game for a while.

If you’re a North Indian like me with no prior exposure to typical South Indian culture or you’ve only witnessed any of those cultural references in movies where they exaggerate things, then you’d be expecting a lot more ‘lungi’s than what you’d ever see in Bangalore. You’d be expecting a lot more mis-communications that what you’d ever face in Bangalore and you’d be expecting a lot more ‘Sambar’ that what you’d ever need to eat in Bangalore. Thank God, coz I’m not a fan of Sambar.

Day to day life in Bangalore is nowhere near the South Indian experience you’d expect but then it’s only right this way because why would there be any typical cultural influence in a workplace anyways? Except the food, which is awesome anyways, not like what I heard it’ll be. (Remember people who tried to scare people like me?) I don’t like Sambar but the rest is good and interesting. Chicken is still called Chicken and Idli here is actually the size of what an Idli should be unlike the biscuit sized Idli advertized by Idli mix products. I actually survived on chicken roll for my dinner during my hotel accomodation and 2 huge “Chatni dip” Idlis later during my one month stay with friends. Filter coffee is good, teabags at office are.. well like every other teabags in the world. And I’m not sure why there are some restaurants here which say “South Indian Restaurant” when it is anyways in South India. I’m more interested in understanding which dish comes from specifically which of the South Indian states and they’re like “South Indian Restaurant, that is it. Do not ask for specifics”

We do have “North Indian Restaurant”(s) in North India and I don’t know how but we just ‘know’ which state each food item in the menu belongs to.

Coming back to ‘lungis’ and typical cultures, I said that you won’t get to see that at workplace so where do you get to experience local culture? Well, temples…

I joined 3 of my colleagues (one of whom was also my classmate for the previous 3 and a half college years) to visit the Golden temple in Vellore which is in Tamil Nadu, a neighboring state, a state which is so much of a neighbor that it is almost as near to my home as the Bangalore airport is And I actually showed a proof of this to my mother using Google maps to make her understood that “I’m going to Tamil Nadu and will be back by evening” is not an oxymoron.

She understood.

I went.

It was that day when I realized I have some kind of weird syndrome which makes me uneasy standing right behind bald people. Oh, I’ll remember what it felt like. Kids, men, women, the baldness was the first thing that made me question how difficult this path of pursuing God is. As I was told, they were probably visiting other major temples as well and I realized that no doubt they were a little more ‘believer’ than me.

If you’re someone like me, you’ll probably dislike temples for all the people impatiently crowding in front of their God’s statue which is not going to move at all like literally forever, for all the different types of fees that they charge you as you enter, for all the coins that are thrown in plain water, for all the ‘exits’ that go through the temple’s private shops, for all the ‘reasons’ people visit temples for and of course for all the things people do for devotion.

But if you’re someone like me, you’ll also see the happiness and ‘sukoon’ people get when they get to see their God after hours of travelling and you’ll find the crowd much like children during recess in their schools, happy, you’ll also see people feeding the poor outside temples, not caring about what good the same money will do in their pockets, you’ll also see fathers giving a coin to their kids to throw into the water, saying them to ask anything from God and that God will listen, and you’ll just know that the kids want nothing for themselves and the coin being thrown into the water suddenly won’t look so bad. You’ll also see pain in every devotee’s eyes and that how people find it easy to let those eyes shed some tears in front of a statue and you’ll also see them gather the strength of wiping their own tears and somehow the forces you don’t believe in are responsible for all of this strength

If you keep your eyes open you’ll see enough to realize that what you think of something isn’t wrong but what others think isn’t ever wrong either. And that just because you don’t understand why someone does something, it doesn’t mean that that shouldn’t have been done.

I’ll probably never believe in temples, or devotion for that matter, but I’ll always believe in people who believe in temples. Because they know something that I don’t and because they’ve experienced things I haven’t…

I’ll probably remember the day more for the down to earth yet delicious sambar-rice served on banana leaf and how I had to reveal my secret that I can eat fast when the need arises They serve hundreds of people in a pipeline and you only get 1 chance to ask for extra rice and that chance would be easily lost if you got distracted by anything as much as a WhatsApp notification. The people who serve food literally run like they’re from “Acme Corporation” from Looney Tunes and we’re cast as extras to the “Road Runner Show” or something.

I’ll also remember being shown “something” among the mountains on the way to Vellore. I still have no idea what it was and I remember being told to write about it when I write this post. Oh sure. Ta-da!

I’ll also remember the small Tamil restaurant by the highway also on the way to Vellore and how some time later, I was given the chance to connect my playlist to the car. Umm, I agree I have a little peculiar taste in music but my music shouldn’t be blamed for the extra 40kms we traveled on the wrong route, not at all

I’ll also remember… wait, on the way back from Vellore, I slept. Sorry, nothing to remember there

Us standing in front of the only thing close enough to a temple, to prove that we actually visited a temple since mobiles aren’t allowed inside the actual temple premises. For the real Golden temple photos, Google :P

Well, it was a good trip. We decided on going for more trips, but got busy since then. A month later I and my college classmate turned colleague had our final internship presentation at Nirma. We had our farewell party organized by our juniors and we bid farewell to almost everyone for a long enough forever. I’ll save the story for later

Somewhere near the same time we painted a school.

And the month after that, we had our intern outing to mark the end of our internship.

Remember all the things I said about the other interns? No? Well, yea because I didn’t Because I never met anyone of them except like 2 or 3 people by coincidence. I had joined a month late compared to the other interns, so I had missed the orientation day, plus the other interns were far from my department, faaaar.

But there was something very common in the farewell party at college and the intern outing… It was that I was seeing most of them for the last time.. and that I really didn’t know a lot of them and I could have known. And that in that room, the party hall in Ahmedabad or the dining hall in Bangalore, there were people, amazing people who’ve been part of each others’ lives, part of some other people’s lives, maybe some of them have been a small part in my life and maybe I was fortunate enough to be a small part in someone else’s life.. and that after the last tea and snacks with the interns and after the last song at the farewell party with my friends, there will be a goodbye which will hurt..

And sometimes the worst goodbyes that hurt are the ones you never could say.

And that after that day in Bangalore, and that night in Ahmedabad, I’d probably not see most of them ever again..

]]>http://www.mahaveerverma.com/the-internship/feed/0Last 60 Days in Nirma – A Good Bye Notehttp://www.mahaveerverma.com/last-60-days-in-nirma/
http://www.mahaveerverma.com/last-60-days-in-nirma/#commentsSun, 26 Feb 2017 08:12:37 +0000http://www.mahaveerverma.com/?p=3973 and a half years. So it’s really been that long since I wrote about my first 60 days in Nirma: First 60 Days of My Journey in Nirma To think of it, reading that post again makes me wonder how true it is when we mock the theory of relativity saying that time flies when […]

To think of it, reading that post again makes me wonder how true it is when we mock the theory of relativity saying that time flies when you’re enjoying.. It almost feels like yesterday when we had to come to Nirma on Saturdays for ‘Yoga’ classes and how we used to play basketball before Yoga.. When we made our very first ‘electronics’ project All those water level indicators and electronic dices When we used to buy our so called ‘tut-pages’ and yea those semi-log sheets… and how we then turned to not buying them and instead borrowing one from our friend who borrowed two from his friend who had three and God knows if anyone of us actually bought any tut-pages or graph papers anymore and maybe it was just a glitch in the law of conservation of material Of course, there’s this other glitch where even if nobody from your batch has their files complete, and even though nobody neither knows the answer to any of the lab questions nor does anyone have any source to find answers from… somehow every single student of your batch will still get their files complete and signed the same day

It feels like yesterday..

All those contacts that we’ve been building in our phones since the first day, probably with ‘NIRMA’ as their last name I know a lot of people would have me saved as ‘Mahaveer Nirma’ in their phones .. all the people we’ve met so far, all the places we’ve been, all the things we’ve done and all the moments we’ve experienced… How do you begin writing about them?!

Maybe you start by saying a thank-you to everyone. Maybe you start by saying a good-bye. Maybe you start by telling about your next destination, your job or your higher study talk. Maybe you start by discussing how your last vacation has been or how your last classes and exams have been. Maybe you talk about how you thought it should have ended… or maybe about how it really did.

Me? I’ll probably do all of these So sit tight, it’s been a long journey and I have a lot to write

You know why am I writing this post in the middle of February when we’re supposedly having an even semester going on? If I’ve been in recent contact to you, you’d know But anyways, all of you will know too very very soon

So my 7th semester just ended on 14th December. If I trace back 60 days from that, it’ll approximately land on 13th October. NXP Semiconductors had visited that day. I’ll mark that day as an important day.. Well I was already placed in Nvidia by then but some of my good friends got into NXP that day, including one of my best friends And that would be a story best told by them.. But I just had to mention it

After a few days we planned a *surprise* Diwali gift for our faculties. You know, teachers are more than just some people you know. They’re more than just those who teach you things and evaluate you for that matter. Sure, at this point of our lives, we don’t really get inspired by our teachers.. Well somedays we do. And inspiration or not, every teacher that we gifted that day, deserved that small reason to smile because apart from all that meets the eye, there’s much more that they’ve done for us, just by being a part of our college lives…

And after all, everyone loves a gift made for them

And the best part was.. the next day, we received a surprise from our faculties We were called up for a special announcement in D311 at around 10:30. I guess teachers can’t really come up with better-worded-excuses That’s an art some of my friends would call themselves expert in The ‘special announcement’ was of course… ice-cream and chocolates from our faculties:)

Probably that was the best thing we did for each other that diwali. No strings attached, we thanked each other before we bid farewell to them… And that is when we began to realize that how that diwali was no regular diwali. It was no ordinary vacation.. It was our last diwali as a student of Nirma..

Yea, Nirma doesn’t celebrate diwali. We all enjoy our vacations yea yea But whatever it was, we began to realize that it was the last of it now… And that with every passing day, every moment, we will be experiencing our ‘last’ ones…

Last MWE lab :'(

The second week of November marked our last week of regular studies.. I guess we should have taken a photo in every ‘last’ lab and not just Microwave lab But then it wasn’t nostalgic back then. You know, its always over before you know it..

And very often do we keep our heads aiming at the future, only to smile at the past behind our shoulders… longing to have stayed a little longer…

But then our class is an expert in building memories 18th November, after long lasting disputes and re-re-re-planning (all on the same evening :P), we had our signature day

For someone who’s a complete anti-expert in letting out random thoughts and someone who can’t really ‘just spontaneiously say something’ without thinking over it for a loooong time, I’d say I ‘performed’ well that day At least better than what I’d expected

It was a day of rush, people moving here and there, finding empty spots on tshirts to write on, thinking if they’ve missed someone or if there’s someone they want their tshirts signed by… Me, when I wore that white t-shirt, I was hoping for a nuclear chain reaction miracle that would just ‘begin the process’ of quote-exchange… hoping that I would be able to be spontaneous enough to think of something *good* about the person writing on my shirt And well, that did happen…

Sometimes you have to deceive your mind into believing things.. And when you strong arm your mind to believe in what you’re thinking, it becomes the reality. Sometimes.. you need your mind to accept this alternate reality for its own good. Only then can you build a better reality.

A lot of people had to miss signature day. For reasons big or small but their absence was felt. Or we wouldn’t have photos like the one below

And then there’s this photo, the ‘memory’..

The ‘Nirma EC 2k13 Batch’ … well, a majority of it :P

For reasons, I find this photo below, just a little better

“Some people pass through your life and you never think about them again. Some you think about and wonder what ever happened to them. Some you wonder if they ever wonder what happened to you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do.”

– The Wonder Years

I am sure I’ll remember this place.. the people whose t-shirts I signed that day… The people who signed my t-shirt that day…

And I hope some of them would remember me…

I hope some of us stay together for a little while longer…

Nice face art btw :P

While especially some of us… always…

I don’t have photos with everyone… That is bad I guess. But to everybody whom I don’t have any photos with, from this day or any other day, it’s a problem I hope we’ll solve the next time we meet Till then, I know you do know how good you guys are and how dear you all are to me.. and will always be

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Right from the first semester till the 7th semester, there was one thing that never changed no matter how obedient we were in the 1st sem and how ‘different’ we were in the 7th… attendance review And the fact that attendance reviews marked the last day of the semester..

Signature day marked the last day of our 7th semester. We had LPWs next. And then the last sem end exam of the semester… And not just the semester, we were never gonna give any other semester end exams ever in B.Tech. again…

14th December is another date I’d remember for reasons. Both good and bad. I’d remember how impatiently we completed our university elective examination, just to ‘end it all’.. I’d remember what plans I had for the day when it ended, and I’d remember how they went exactly as I knew they would

It always ends before you know it…

People said it wasn’t the last time we met. Most of them were right in what they said but wrong in what they thought. It was never going to be the same again. The next time we’d see the majority of our friends together would be during our convocation. But that’s far and uncertain… And we’d still be short of our friends doing M.S. in hopefully their dream colleges Many of us were leaving the city (and the state) for their internships and yet I find it so unjust that the college campus was quite as a desert even before 6PM.

But then, people have different roads to travel and different dreams to sleep to. And everybody was tired.. and they all needed this rest.

The last bus ride of the semester meant nothing different. Because I was going to return to college anyways in January. I didn’t have an internship to go to. (This sounds bad unless I also mention that I was placed in Nvidia So no worries :P) I would be coming back to this same place the next month, only I wouldn’t find all the faces I’ve known. I knew it’d all seem like a jigsaw puzzle with pieces missing… and there was nothing to do to complete it from that day. Not because we were losing people, but because we had just grown up and this is how it was meant to be for the greater good…

Grown up to the day when we had to part ways.. It wasn’t bad. It wasn’t good. It didn’t have to be because it just was what it was A new life lay ahead for my friends… Me? For once.. I thought maybe this is where it should have really ended..

Maybe this is the part where we have to say good-bye to everyone and start our new lives… Maybe for once I thought it should not have been that some of us remain back here in Ahmedabad while some of our friends have to leave. I did think that that day… should have been the last for all of us.

You know, there’s a first time for everything good that happens. And then there’s a last time too…

And maybe that is why I wanted there to be a last good-bye and I wanted it that day. I wanted a definite date marking the last time all of us came out of the examination hall, marking the end of our academic life before we move on to our internships and jobs and further studies.. An evening when we would enjoy a last togetherness, talk of all the good times we’ve seen and all the bad we’ve been through. Like the last episode of the last season of your favorite TV series, I wanted it to end like a finale..

To everything

There is a season

And a time to every purpose under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die

A time to plant, a time to reap

A time to kill, a time to heal

A time to laugh, a time to weep

– “Turn, turn, turn – Pete Seeger”

Maybe that is the only reason I wanted an internship.. But then I didn’t have one.

On my way back home, I walked 3kms from Infocity bus stop to my home to compensate for everything I was thinking about that day. It took me an hour, almost. I’m not sure why.

The other significant thing that came out of the walk was a pain in my legs that lasted for 2 days

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The vacations followed.

Some of us left for our hometowns for the vacation. Some, for their internships.

In January we started off with the 8th and final semester of our B.Tech. journey.

By January end, I got to know I was offered an internship by Nvidia

The joining date was 6th February.

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Have you been in recent contact with me? Coz if you were, you’d know what I’m going to talk about next

I had my flight tickets booked for 5th Feb. I had finished all my major project tasks and was released from the in-house project. I had had last lunches and treats with my friends.

I was ready to leave..

By the time I knew I had to leave, we had build a group of Counter Strike enthusiasts and we used to play CS during breaks.

I had a mini-farewell of my own when we had a match dedicated to ‘the last time I was playing CS with them’ … supposedly

Yea, I somehow got good at CS those days But my side lost both rounds anyways :/

I’ve also had the pleasure of having the most wonderful juniors, some of whom made sure that I always remember them For all the time that we’ve been in the same stream, sharing the same D-block, the same problems and the same universe, there was a very fine line that made us any different than friends. I was never really suited to be a senior. Being the younger child of the family, I didn’t know what it’s like when your younger brothers and sisters count on you for any matter big or small… for when they look up to you for guidance, with questions that you can answer by sharing your experiences.. I didn’t really know what it’s like.. until these people gave me the chance to I hope I was up to their expectations of being a ‘senior’

And I guess we were friends.. Coz what do you friends do when they know one of them is leaving? Well, they make sure you don’t leave without their ‘good-bye’ Thanks…

That last Friday before my joining, I left the campus early after having the last CS game and the last “good-bye”s… As I was walking out of the building and out of the main gate, I was just hoping I’d made a mark large enough, a difference to the place, to the people I’ve known…

Remember I said I wanted a definite date which marked the end of it all?

Well, some foreign source of energy and ‘fate’ made sure I never get that

That evening I got a mail saying that my joining date is extended upto next Monday, i.e. 13th February

Ahh… Well. You don’t know how it feels to say your last good-byes to people and see them the next Monday morning

We then had more CS matches the next week…

Umm…

And then my joining date was extended for one more week

And then I stopped taking screenshots..

That Friday, 17 Feb … was finally the last Friday I had at Ahmedabad. My last day in Nirma…

This time I waited till I got my really-final confirmation from the company before saying my weekly “good-bye”s

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That evening, I knew this was it…

I had completed the novel my friend gave me.. the first novel I’d ever read other than the Harry Potter series I was really done with my in-house project. I had had my really-really last “good-bye”s with my friends, classmates, faculties and all those wonderful juniors

So that day.. when I took my bus back home..

I knew..

That it really was over before I knew it…

That this was really it…

A lot had changed since the first day at Nirma… to the last one… a lot had happened.. between the orientation on the first day by our seniors, to becoming the senior-most batch in campus and to finally leaving it.. from the first lunch at K-block with unknown faces all around us, to the last lunch with your best friends at Shambhu’s.. from the first presentation for ‘Communication Skills’ for which we prepared for over a week, to the last project reviews we prepared in a night From not being late by a minute in our first few classes.. to saying ‘abhi to time hai’ when you’re already 10 minutes late for your lab

A lot had happened.. A lot had changed..

And after changes and changes…

Our first class room – D103

We are more or less the same…

The last lab I worked on @ D112

And after changes and changes…

From the beginning

We remain the same…

There is really no end

All the people that I’ve met.. in the ways that we’ve met…

To the things we’ve done together…

All the new roles that I got to be a part of…

I’d certainly keep a part of it all…

And then there’s a part in me, where I keep all the people who’ve inspired me…

And some people that I’ve tried being of some worth to…

Sorry to leave out Saleha! As it seems, we don’t have any photo together yet :P

With all memories in a trunk, I’ll remember all of those things from me to you.. and all from you to me…

Some things that I can never feel worthy enough to keep…

While some that I should never have really kept…

And some things lost but never really forgotten…

Hoping to have left a mark large enough somewhere in this world…

And now that I’m going a bit far from this amazing batch…

Far from some of the most amazing friends I’ve ever had…

This blurry photo is all I have of all of us :/

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For a while, far from the ones that I can never really be any far from…

I’m not looking for another as I wander in my time

Walk me to the corner, our steps will always rhyme

You know my love goes with you as your love stays with me
It’s just the way it changes like the shoreline and the sea
But let’s not talk of love or chains and things we can’t untie
Your eyes are soft with sorrow
Hey, that’s no way to say goodbye
– A song by Leonard Cohen

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And now that my B.Tech. journey in Nirma is kind-of really over for me…

]]>http://www.mahaveerverma.com/last-60-days-in-nirma/feed/5Escaping The Dark Realityhttp://www.mahaveerverma.com/escaping-the-dark-reality/
http://www.mahaveerverma.com/escaping-the-dark-reality/#respondFri, 13 Jan 2017 19:03:07 +0000http://www.mahaveerverma.com/?p=401I’m sorry. This isn’t a story of sunshine or stardust. This is a story of some new moon night. When the stars are shadowed by clouds and it’s about to rain. And it seems like it might just rain forever… It’s dark. Maybe it’s not even real. Maybe you’re seeing things. Closing your eyes to believe there […]

]]>I’m sorry. This isn’t a story of sunshine or stardust. This is a story of some new moon night. When the stars are shadowed by clouds and it’s about to rain. And it seems like it might just rain forever…

It’s dark.

Maybe it’s not even real.

Maybe you’re seeing things.

Closing your eyes to believe there is nothing worth seeing anymore. Maybe you’ve shut your ears so you don’t hear your friends calling. Maybe this is your choice and it is on you. Maybe you’ve made your bed and now you lie on it.

Do you know what went wrong? How did your nightmares creep it’s way into your reality? Since when did everything you imagine start getting real. And why is that all you imagined so far was cruel to yourself…

Have you ever stopped wondering what you feel about something? About everything you’ve been so far, about the road that lies ahead. Do you ever get lost and stop looking for the way back home?

Do you understand? Do you choose to? Or do you choose not to, but yet you do?

What do you do every time you consider self-loathing as an option and then think about all the lives that probably suffer more than you? Do you stop complaining because you have enough to survive? Or is it that survival itself is not enough anymore…

Well, every preacher preaches that life is about being satisfied with what you have but how do you get satisfied with ‘satisfaction’ itself? Is chasing satisfaction itself also not a paradox to the very statement I just said?

Sometimes in life you say things. You feel things. About people and about yourself and you believe in them. You believe some things are more or less universal and meant to be forever… like something as simple as your favourite fruit or your favourite colour… unless of-course proven otherwise. But have you ever felt guilty of not believing in what you once believed with your whole heart?

If you look at the big picture, you and your problems don’t exist. But why do we look at the big picture when we have our own worlds and universes within us? Isn’t our whole universe in constant jeopardy while we waste a day feeling bad about ourselves? Doesn’t our universe actually end if we ‘end’?

Have you ever controlled yourself to the limit where you can generate emotions and feelings? Generate a smile with a wounded heart or cry over absolutely nothing? To the limit where you can’t get excited unless you really analyse the situation and command your brain to raise your heart-rate? When your heart goes to hibernate and your brain gets to generate artificial goosebumps and butterflies? Now what’s that?

You don’t know, do you?

Guess, that’s what feeling terrible must be like. Guess that’s what being broken really means. ‘Broken’ doesn’t necessarily imply being sad all the times, but maybe it’s when you don’t know what to feel anymore and your brain takes over your heart in an autopilot attempt, keeping you alive while you can still breathe.

One moment you laugh a second before you even understand the joke, why, because your reflex knows to laugh when a joke comes in your ears… The other moment you console yourself that there’s nothing, really nothing to overthink about. One moment, you can’t decide what you want and so you find yourself tossing a coin to help you find out, again to miserably fail in the first attempt because you don’t really have anything to feel about the choices that you have imagined for yourself…

One evening you sleep at 7. The other you don’t get any sleepy even at 3 in the morning.

Some days, you won’t hate someone who stabs you in your chest. Some days, you won’t care for someone who cares about you.

And then there’s this other moment when you don’t even know if you’re overthinking or just not thinking enough at all.

It doesn’t really matter and that there’s nothing to worry about, isn’t it?

Well maybe sometimes life is more than just a fake smile that you see from the outside. Sometimes, some lives are more of a perfectly organised mess. Something you could easily see through without noticing the hurricanes brewing under the smirking faces.

Sometimes, the hurricanes don’t even exist.

And sometimes, you don’t know if the hurricanes ever did exist or it’s just your reality getting distorted in the process of understanding yourself with your so-called imagination.

Now what do we do when our reality gets distorted? In a way that you can’t fix it without help? When you realise it’s messed beyond the limit of self evaluation and you need someone who can look at the big picture for you and tell you what the problem really is?

What do we do to kill this reality before it kills us?

We look for escapes.

An escape from all the problems that don’t exist. From all the empty faces you’ve read so well and all the mysterious souls you never could. From all the things you over-understand now, to take a step back and long for dissatisfaction. To once again, start not-understanding things. To once again, be a little selfish, make mistakes, break some hearts including your rusted one, to try to get back to feeling hatred and love.

And we look for escapes in all sort of things.

A ‘sin of choice’.

We choose to get addicted. To give up what we have and create another alternate reality, just to escape this one that’s already so messed up.

Some use music. Play their lives on infinite loop. Some write. Scribble notes and throw them down the drain. Make paper boats that sink. Write confessions with pseudonyms. Maybe this very thing you’re reading now is messed up. And I’m creating an escape right here by writing about it. Some draw. Make self portraits and realise you never knew you had a mole.

]]>http://www.mahaveerverma.com/escaping-the-dark-reality/feed/0Reading My Old Diaryhttp://www.mahaveerverma.com/reading-my-old-diary/
http://www.mahaveerverma.com/reading-my-old-diary/#respondTue, 01 Nov 2016 18:12:02 +0000http://www.mahaveerverma.com/?p=371“Write simple”, I said to myself. But its difficult now. Knowing that you’re reading it. Acknowledging that someone right now is reading what I wrote resting on my bed, next to a charging point, sipping through a cup of tea just like every normal evening. I can almost feel you watching through the reflections of the mirror […]

But its difficult now. Knowing that you’re reading it. Acknowledging that someone right now is reading what I wrote resting on my bed, next to a charging point, sipping through a cup of tea just like every normal evening. I can almost feel you watching through the reflections of the mirror in the room, just like Aberforth watching over Mr. Potter.

Even though I don’t like sharing personal information, I’ve told you enough. And now I feel like you’d know me, know a part of me, know what I’m thinking right now, know what I’m feeling right now. Or maybe you still only know what I want you to know, right?

But its all in my head, I convince myself. That way, I can keep my focus on writing what I want to, share whatever I want to. By imagining that nobody is gonna read it… even though I want you to. And I know you are, aren’t you.. right now? That’s the writer’s dilemma. You want people to read you. You want people to say “You write so good!” and yet you don’t want their acknowledgement and their existence to affect your next writings. Same for me, I like it when people tell me that they read my blogs. And I guess it’s the writer’s skills on how he tackles this dilemma and continues to write..

Me, I’m solving it by temporarily imagining that this is just a piece of writing that’ll go straight to my diary. Yes I keep one. Since June 27th this year.

Wait.

Just a moment.

That’s a nice song playing in my collection. Let me copy this to my favourites playlist.

.

.

Done. I almost always have earphones plugged in. Helps at times. Don’t ask about my taste in music. You wouldn’t like to know, take my word.

Yea, so where was I?

Oh yea. My diary.

That notebook on the right is my diary.. And I see you have questions about what the rest of the things are? Well, I’m going to write my next story about it Just wait till then ;)

Does it actually help keeping a diary? A reminder of all the foolish acts you’ve done this day, or all the good things you’ve dreamed of, all the baby steps you’ve taken towards your infinite goals or write those untitled letters to the people you love who’re probably never gonna read it? Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn’t. Who am I to decide for you, just in case you’re thinking of keeping a diary yourself

I remember I used to keep a diary back in 2010. I know I’m saying it as if it’s been a decade already haha. I’m not that old yet :p Anyways, I kept writing it till early 2012. In those old single ruled pages, are probably the most important events of my 1 and a half year or two years. Or may I correct myself and say, what I thought to be the most important events.. coz you never know what should’ve mattered more to you, what were those moments yesterday that made you what you are today.. You just think for yourself and decide what’s important and what’s not. What is worth remembering.. and what’s not..

Sometimes you’re right. Yesterday while I was reading my old diary, I did smile, at times, thinking… wondering.. that maybe I got that part of my life right.. and then there are times when you’re just wrong. When you inaccurately prioritise things, events, people, when you miss some important details of your life and realise only years later on what you missed.

It’s like those detective movies where you think the cops are foolish that they missed some obvious important detail that messes up the case.

But that’s life. You make choices you think are correct. And maybe they are correct.. for the moment.. and nobody knows what their future holds, so you won’t know what exactly went wrong until you just know it did.

Now that’s another dilemma.

If you have to choose between a probable happy future or an assured happiness today.. what would you choose?

What’s your answer?

What’s my answer you ask??

Well, I’ll make you wait a bit more. You’re not ready yet.

You know, keeping a diary is good at times. Because you forget things. You forget meeting people. You sometimes forget what they’ve been for you. Heck, you even forget what YOU’ve been back then! And believe me that is funny!

“Every Facebook memory is a reminder of how foolish you were back then “

While I was skimming through the pages of my old diary, believe me when I say there were pages that I skipped out of utter self-pity A big facepalm for myself thinking that I actually wrote some of that! That I even thought of it, and to think of it now, I guess the diary I’m writing these days, or these blogs I’m keeping right now, maybe this very story you’re reading now, some years from now I’ll come back to it, read it and say to myself that how awkwardly stupid I was back then! (i.e. today :P)

But that’s a risk I’m willing to take.

There will always be a future-me who’s more sensible than me. Who’ll know more about this world than me. Who’s just gonna be… better.

Now I’ve got to admit that its getting in my head. Knowing that everything I have today, everything I think that is important for me right now, everything that I mention in my diary today, it may all (or most of it ) be just silly to the future me..

But I know.. that the present I’m living in, what I’m making for myself, however silly it might seem to my future self, I will smile back to it.. Just like I did yesterday going through my old diary entries.

And my current diary, the people that I write about, the incidents of fortune and misfortune that I share to it, everything, however silly it may be, I know it will be worth. Because today, right now.. it is.

Maybe my selfie-expert classmate has got memories simpler and better. “These are all tiny precious moments” he says as he takes selfies on almost every walk he takes with his friends. I’m fortunate to be in some of his selfies

Right when I heard one of the best philosophies an engineering student can think of ‘Tiny precious moment’ indeed. And that’s the selfie-expert taking a selfie :)

If you’re in college, you’ll know.. That these tiny precious memories are all you’re gonna have some years down the line. See how ‘moments’ became ‘memories’ in 2 sentences? Life is much quicker than that.. You spend a Diwali night lighting diyas, worshipping, burning crackers, enjoying and then you spend the very next morning watching your previous night’s photos Changing Whatsapp DPs and Facebook statuses and I can’t imagine how ‘loaded’ would Instagram feel that day … ‘Moment’.. to ‘memory’. In just 1 night…

Photo credit: Charul Dhingra This is beautiful, isn’t it?

Quick, isn’t it?

Change is the only constant thing in life..

All these characters that I have in my stories, that I have in my life right now, that I mention in my current diary.. some of them near and dear to me, how does it feel to all of a sudden, realise that you’re just bound to be memories to each other.. that probably 2 months is all you have with some of them..

Probably, it is easier for kids that way. Because while their parents move cities for better job opportunities, their immature hearts keep promising each other that there will be a day fortunate enough again in their lives when they’ll be together again.. with their old friends, the house they grew up so far in, the school they sometimes despised going to and they believe.. that it’s all going to remain the same.. But we ‘adults’, we know that life doesn’t work that way… Yes, all of us (or most of us) are going to be in contact for as long as we can… that some of us are going to keep holding on to each other for a little while longer, probably come back for each other once in a while.. but to we adults, the world has also taught us to look at the big picture… one which probably doesn’t have all the characters of our lives together.

But that’s okay. It’s meant to be that way.. And that day is still far.

Farther than we can assume. Much farther than what we’re expecting, what we’re preparing ourselves for.. and that still comforts me The belief that the end is somewhat far.

The characters from my old diary, some of them are still with me, physically far of course, but in contact. And I guess it doesn’t hurt anymore, being far. Guess, I’ve adapted to leaving people very perfectly. That’s a skill you wouldn’t want to acquire, believe me.

And for the characters of my current diary, my today, which probably also contains YOU.. well, I’m not letting them go. Not this easily.. and not anytime soon

If you have to choose between a probable happy future or an assured happiness today.. what would you choose?

]]>http://www.mahaveerverma.com/reading-my-old-diary/feed/0Quotient of Irrelevant Happinesshttp://www.mahaveerverma.com/quotient-of-happiness/
http://www.mahaveerverma.com/quotient-of-happiness/#commentsSun, 02 Oct 2016 07:48:44 +0000http://www.mahaveerverma.com/?p=356So.. What’s up? Nothing much? Well, same here… . Its been a long time since I last wrote and to be more precise since I last completed writing something. Because as a matter of fact, I have 2 ‘Untitled’ posts that I have been working on since looooong! See this? June! And I have […]

Its been a long time since I last wrote and to be more precise since I last completed writing something. Because as a matter of fact, I have 2 ‘Untitled’ posts that I have been working on since looooong!

See this? June! And I have not yet been able to complete it. Have I been busy? Well, I don’t know. Have I lost interest in writing? Nooooo, I don’t think so.

I think its because I am finding it more and more difficult to correctly express myself nowadays. The moment you realise that there would be eyeballs reading this very story of yours, staring… judging your intellect by your grammar , it gets under your skin… sometimes at least for sure. The other times, it’s the best motivation to write. What more does an artist want than some patient audience?

Speaking of patience, I know it is rude of me to keep you waiting till about 200 words (that’s what my writer’s status bar shows right now ) so far and still no story in progress. By this point you would be wondering what this story would be about. And why on earth did I call you, did I invite you, did I try to make you, to read this article when even after adding one more paragraph of about 50 words, I still have no story in line

Some of you are going to close your tabs now. Probably read something else.

Thanks for staying so far.

Now, you must be really wondering what’s this going to be about!?

Well, in fact… I don’t know.

Do you know what a writer’s block is? It is that situation when a writer can’t think of what to write next or how to proceed in a story.

Well, I know exactly how to proceed with this story (evil laugh :P)

I am going to show you a commercial (another evil laugh :P)

Did you get that “Awww” feeling? A bit? Did you feel anything at all for the dog?

If you said ‘no’ because “Awww” sounded like a ‘girly’ expression, well, come on, you’re sitting alone anyways, why do you lie? I don’t mean a ‘girly Awww’ but a ‘manly feels’ okay now?

And if you said ‘yes’… well then my friend, you are lucky Because I am jealous of you… Because I’m missing something here. I’m not quite sure what, but that’s restricting me from being ‘happy’ looking at this advertisement.

I know its all ‘fake’. Its a commercial meant to play with our emotions and that the ‘trained’ dog would have no feelings for the baby which again didn’t have 1 clue about what those 10 or 20 retakes were while filming the commercial and neither is that couple the baby’s actual parents (most probably). But even if its fake, aren’t we supposed to like it?

Wait, what do I mean?

I mean, does it really matter if the commercial is fake? Can’t we just smile, enjoy and give a ‘like’?

Well, you did that. I couldn’t. And that’s what bugs me. When all of a sudden you start making borders, start separating what’s real and what’s fake, you can’t separate the things that make you happy and what don’t! Not the same way at least!

I know. I know. One must not get happy by ‘fake’ things right? That is what you want to say, right? I agree. But I was going to use Amazon prime anyways if it was any useful to me, I don’t have a Vodafone SIM because I like ZooZoo or because they own the company that had that cute pug in their advertisement (Hutch is what I am talking about).

There have always been irrelevant ‘fake’ things in our lives that gave us momentary ‘Awww’s right? Now, what do you call this situation when you get a ‘feeling block’? When you don’t feel anything good happening to you or when you don’t get sad for anything bad that happens to you.

What do you do to get happy when you are not happy?

How do you decide if you are really ‘happy’ or not?

In life, there are those moments when you just gaze at the stars and wonder how beautiful and ‘meaningful’ they are, how amazing it is just to enjoy the sound of silence or probably your favourite song in infinite loop while it rains, wondering and day-dreaming for hours, everything being so good, and you, feeling so happy about it, about everything meaningful and even about everything irrelevant and meaningless. But then there are days when you look at a photoshopped image of a poor hungry child on Facebook and scroll by… without batting an eye. The same stars that were meaningful to you once, the same empty nights when you never felt ‘alone’ because you had music, sleep deprived days and nights, you do wonder but what you wonder is that what went wrong.

When you look at someone smile, someone happy and you ask yourself the one most deadly question of all… “Why can I not be that happy?”

Movie: The Pursuit of Happyness

And that’s it.

You set goals. You try to get that ‘level’ or ‘object’ of happiness that you see others have. Nobody wants a good job, everybody just wants a job better than everybody else’s. I wonder what the richest men on earth want to do? Probably they want to find aliens and prove to them that they are richer than them as well Well, its not just about money, but even if I consider their goals, aren’t they fulfilled? Or does the philosophy of always pushing your own limits really work today?

What have I been up to recently?

Well, since the last time I wrote, I had my own birthday which I have not yet written about coz I am waiting for something, I got into 7th semester of my B.Tech which is not worth writing about yet Then, I got placed I’ll write about that later. Oh, its my friend’s birthday today. Happy birthday! By this rate, considering that most of my last few stories have been on somebody’s birthdays, I would be writing my next article in mid-November I guess

I would be glad if someone would just Whatsapp me and say “I know whose birthday you are talking about (November)”. But the chances of that happening are rare, by probability, very rare

Well, back to my placement. Not to boast of it, it’s actually related to what I was saying about goals. All our lives, we set goals, we set targets and rarely does anybody specifically get to that target. Except for some who do but I don’t have IIT-JEE AIR 1 in my friend’s list, nobody from Google or Intel in my list either and I don’t know what other childhood targets do we really have. I remind you that you are sitting all alone reading this article so do not lie to me when I ask you that didn’t you want a really really really good JEE score? I just assumed you are of my age group sorry for that For the ancient people, replace JEE with AIEEE. I don’t think anybody over 30 years of age is reading this article but if this article goes that famous, replace JEE with whatever tests you gave Oh I forgot. There is life other than ‘Science’ as well. Commerce people, Arts, oh damn! You get the point right? I’m not mentioning any more entrance exam details now

Where was I? Oh right. So your target…

Getting up to college was fine for me and for most of us. You still have an immediate target. Job. If you are in India, studying engineering, then 7th semester is that time of your life when you think you are almost on top of a hill, and you think your Physics was good enough and that you calculated the height of the hill very accurately. So you are almost there, almost there, almost there and suddenly, either you see the tip of the hill… or you see that you just miscalculated something You know what I mean.

We all know what happens when you ‘miscalculate’ your willingness to get to the top of this engineering hill. But do you know what happens when your calculations go unbelievably perfect?

Imagine.

You.

5 years down the line.

Think of a salary.

Think of a company.

Think of a ‘family’.

Think of the best vacation plan.

Think “Money money money” (if that is what you want )

Think… what if you all of a sudden have all of these? What if your life really gets so ideal… so complete?

Will you be happy?

Yes you will be! But what next?

Everybody knows a little C programming I assume. Its your “void main()” that just got over. What now!?

So your life is now ‘complete’? I would rather say it is ‘over’. Now that’s what a ‘life block’ is And how did this happen? By success…

So now, is success ‘bad’ all of a sudden?

You know, no matter how complete you become, there will always be that someone, whom you see smiling on the road and ask yourself again.. and again.. and again… “Why can’t I be that happy?”

What if you are in fact happier than them already.. you just don’t know it yet.. Or even better, why do you want to become ‘more’ happy than them? Why do you even want to ‘copy’ their happiness.

Because now that I think of it, I don’t know what ‘happiness’ is. Or how to define it.

Do you feel sad about the kids who live way below poverty line right outside your college? Or do you feel happy when you see them smile at you and wave at you while you comfortably sit in your college bus, going to your air conditioned homes?

Do you religiously pray to Him on Ganesh Chaturthi to give you ‘happiness’ or do you find happiness in the patience shown by those kids from your neighbourhood waiting to get some ‘bappa ka prasad’?

Do you believe in deciding whether its ‘real’ or ‘fake’ and whether this ‘should make you happy’ or ‘should not’?

Do you believe there’s still anything to care about in this world?

Is happiness just a figure of speech or a thing you say to actually mean something totally different?

I am not quite sure. Because right now, I took all of my irrelevant happiness and tried dividing it by zero. And I don’t see infinity anywhere…

]]>http://www.mahaveerverma.com/quotient-of-happiness/feed/2Silent Wisheshttp://www.mahaveerverma.com/silent-wishes/
http://www.mahaveerverma.com/silent-wishes/#respondTue, 24 May 2016 18:30:49 +0000http://www.mahaveerverma.com/?p=337Today is about someone. I didn’t say “Today, it’s about someone” you see. I didn’t say I am gonna ‘write this story’ about someone you see. There’s a thin line of difference between writing a story about someone and writing about someone.. writing for someone… And a person is only as good as you think they […]

I didn’t say I am gonna ‘write this story’ about someone you see. There’s a thin line of difference between writing a story about someone and writing about someone.. writing for someone…

And a person is only as good as you think they are So imagine the best you can… and this person would be better to me. Will I be exaggerating? Yes I will be. But let it be this way, won’t you? If I have to make a person, I might as well make the best living thing

You know, sometimes someone changes your definitions of life. I had to change one that day. Now, I couldn’t say that friendship happens only with the expected. I mean how could I. Did I expect that? How could I.. But well it did happen I guess. And I’ve had other examples to follow… but the first one will always be the first one.

I remember how we met.

I remember the last time I saw the same face.

I think the last word I heard would be the good old ‘bye’ but I am not too sure.

Sorry

Thanks

You’re welcome

No sorry

Why

What if

Hello

Goodbye

I don’t know how but it amazes me that somewhere between ‘saying’ these words and ‘meaning’ these words… friendship happens. Every single time.

If I got a chance to go back in time and change things… I won’t. Not the bad. Neither the good.

And that is what makes it the most precious thing for me. I can’t risk change anything and see if it still works. And that means accepting the first ‘Hello’ and the last ‘Goodbye’… only I don’t.

Few weeks back I got my phone damaged and I had to switch to my old cell phone (yes older than my current Nokia 3110c, now I don’t even have a camera ) and guess what.. it still had some SMSs from my 11th and 12th standard school life. And as I spent that evening reading all those old SMSs in there, I found things.. Na, I am not gonna share anything here.

I don’t regret things that didn’t happen. But I certainly regret things that couldn’t.

Because when ‘did’ shows desire, ‘could’ shows possibility…

From the past few years, if I were to say which 3 moments I remember the most clearly and which I would remember forever, then I would say all 3 of them had rains, trains and tears…

And not all of them had ‘good’ tears. Sorry. But what followed was the best I had. And most certainly the last of its kind.

Make that 4 and add another set of rains and tears. No trains this time.

Now out of these 4, the one most true one was probably when tears were accompanied by a smile that I knew was most honest of all days, a smile which was to be there till the very day it wasn’t.. yea there are no ‘forever’s in life, just really long ‘ever’s if you are lucky enough. That day, I brought a dairy milk, and I got a gift not on my birthday but on a day which gave birth to a ‘me’.

Today, I don’t just have a habit of checking my stuff such as my compass box just to check if I have my i-card or just out of randomness. It was a habit of making sure I don’t lose stuff important to me.

That day I was talking about, the gift that I got, I must say I got more than a gift worth keeping safe. And no matter how many times I looked back just to see if everything is how it must be, I could never be sure enough.

Friendship has no clear ending. Its always a hazy phenomena of being and not being which goes on forever unless you lose all contacts which thankfully is not possible by grace of Facebook and Whatsapp. God only knows what I’d be without it. But as I was saying, its hazy. It has always been but I guess it doesn’t really matter however hazy it gets, if you can still see light at the end of a tunnel, its there…

There are few things in life that stick to your mind. That define a time period of your life. A meaning to a place. You say 2010 and I go back to those things that are stuck in my mind. Its natural reflex. You say ‘Ahmedabad’ and I remember my first few moments in Ahmedabad, probably my first few college days too. You say ‘Nadiad’ and you explode my mind

You must feel grateful for being that for someone.

Like endless rain inside a paper cup, there are moments that would just pour down if I think about it but none that I can write about.

Except one thing.

Well, you know, when you have a favorite thing, either you misplace it, or someone takes it from you and misplaces it, or the worst of all, takes it from you without asking and misplaces it…

Sorry but I lost the gift.

But that’s the most I could hold on to it. And that that was the extend of my attempts and assurance to keep it safe with me. Because sometimes when you leave your dearest things alone for 1 single unfortunate unlucky moment, its all lost… Someone might just take it and misplace it.. without even asking you.

What can one do except regret?

Maybe understand that holding on never did good to anyone? Oh I won’t.

Think about what’s left? I am not too sure.

Feel sorry? Yes but I don’t know what for anymore.

Wait for you to say that its okay I lost it? Yea maybe that will help..

For all I know, maybe you would not remember anything about that day, why I brought a dairy milk for you that day or what I wrote in your diary that day, but you know better why I deserved the gift.. And I know better why you deserved every small or large thing I tried and what I did and what I couldn’t…

And I will always be silently wishing for your happiness.. till a ‘forever’ I can promise longer than you can imagine. Just this once, making it loud and public

]]>http://www.mahaveerverma.com/silent-wishes/feed/0Understanding And Accepting – Why People Leavehttp://www.mahaveerverma.com/why-people-leave/
http://www.mahaveerverma.com/why-people-leave/#respondSat, 21 May 2016 10:19:30 +0000http://www.mahaveerverma.com/?p=3272 days back, my 6th semester exams got over. It felt more like a relief from the fast (really really fast :P) semester that we had this time. It was almost like I remember the first day of the semester like it was yesterday. Obviously, my brain will take some time to adjust to the […]

]]>2 days back, my 6th semester exams got over. It felt more like a relief from the fast (really really fast :P) semester that we had this time. It was almost like I remember the first day of the semester like it was yesterday.

Obviously, my brain will take some time to adjust to the fact that the semester is indeed over and I have no more exams to go, no more studying the same subjects and no more college visits for the time being.

What’s more interesting is that I still get up some nights, check the time in my cell phone (my cell phone does have a clock which nowadays is the primary reason for me to use a cell phone in the first place.. apart from receiving some telemarketing SMS and calls which consume most of my ringtone “consumption” and the occasional need to call a friend maybe and some rare cases when I receive genuine phone calls.. I am bad at talking so I avoid calling anyone whatsoever. Whatsapp forever Wow that was a large bracket text..) and still wonder if I had completed all of my homework for the day or calculate the time I still have that I can sleep before the alarm rings.. only to realize that there are no alarms now and no homework to do.

Ah the joy

That is still something we can happily adjust to.

What bothers me more is that 6 out of 8 semesters are over. The count is starting to get me. The days are near when we start counting our last days in Nirma though that’s still far, I say to myself.. but it will happen someday.

After the last exam of the semester, people went home.

Someday, they will all go home.. and maybe never go back to the same place again.

Some will give you the chance to say goodbye, some will share the roads, some won’t be doing either. And ultimately, we all have different homes to reach, different beds to rest on, different dreams to sleep to and say “Ah. Finally, the much needed rest.”

But if all we look at is the different homes we reach, then that is where the mistake lies. It is the long road worth sharing, and the long road worth remembering. Isn’t it?

You know your friends. Whom else do you really know?

Your parents, ok. Your relatives, ok.

Whom else?

Maybe the neighbor who smiles every time you get into the apartment elevator together? Ah not really. Maybe the shopkeeper who gave you chocolates even if you didn’t have money for the time being? Ah not really.

So think harder and tell me whom else do you know?

.

Teachers?

Ah. Yes.

You grow up living in an education system, you get to meet and be with teachers through different stages of your life, you have a favorite teacher, a least favorite teacher, one who scolded you and you remember it forever (insert devil smile here ), one who made you and you remember him/her forever (insert holy smile here )..

What do you remember about your past teachers? Your school teachers? You remember how you met them, your first impression of them, you remember their teaching style maybe, you remember some of those moments they did something funny in class, but most of all you remember how they were to you, isn’t it?

And the least you remember is what they taught you (insert ba dum tss sound here )

Some of them are just a part of your curriculum.. while some become a part of your education. Some leave because the subject course completed, while some leave only when they actually leave.. only to stay in your memories..

I was in my 9th standard in school, science class it was. Just a regular looking day except that we got a new teacher for test run that day. He was under the process of being recruited. Those days in our school, they had test runs on new teachers before recruiting them and some of the toppers of the class were called by the principal to ask if that teacher is good enough for us. Good, isn’t it?

The teacher we got that day, to sum up his teaching in under a paragraph, I can say that he was certainly the best we could have. He was a teacher who, before our school, used to teach 11th and 12th standard students and so he had enough “extra” knowledge that a science teacher should have. He didn’t use textbook while teaching, which again for my time in my school was an indication that the teacher “knew” the subject well.

I remember those 20 minutes of class went very quick, because that is what the theory of relativity says you know, good times get over faster than hard times Wait, that doesn’t mean my 6th semester went quick because it was any good ok?

I remember when we 4 or 5 students were called by the principal, I said that the new teacher “had a weak voice but really good teaching” or something similar with those keywords. Flashback again, those days we had rotating sitting arrangements where we constantly had to rotate between all benches from last to first throughout the days and that test-run day I was sitting way too back. I don’t know exactly what happened next but his voice reached even the last bench everyday since then. And that implies that he got the job for sure

What do I remember about him now? I do not remember what he taught me. No I mean I know 9th standard science I just don’t remember what exactly he taught me because well I don’t remember what a 9th standard science curriculum was. What I remember is that teaching was inspirational and I got 50/50 in both my internal exams and 99/100 in my final exam that year. At this point you would say that these marks are just normal for any topper in school? Yes maybe they were but if I remember these marks today, its because of him, and that isn’t just so normal in any way, is it?

It is when marks don’t matter and they just reflect how much you like the subject. And that never happened to me again. I always liked studying science but I never got these marks again. Not because the subjects got tougher year by year but because it just didn’t happen again… At least not the year to follow.. Because we got a different teacher next year… because our this favorite teacher left our school.

I still remember how a group of students including me went to sir only to ask him to stay or least to understand why he had to leave but you know child logic, we only understand things after we grow up! And no matter how sensible some of us were, we were all too selfish to think about everything we would lose once he goes, the great teacher we needed for our 10th standard boards, the one teacher who inspired these marks to me in science and I was hoping the same for maths next year (he taught science in 9th standard and maths in 10th standard) that we kids never really thought about why he chose to leave…

And that is what kids never understand. When people have to leave, why they have to leave and why they sometimes decide to leave on their own. No kid thinks about better opportunities that he/she might get in some other school or city. All he/she sees is the happiness there is in being “still”. But grown ups do realize that.

Our parents do. They change jobs, they change cities and while you cry and pack your favorite gifts and Pokémon cards your traded with your friends, you see the sorrow of change, your parents see the opportunity.. not just for them but for you too..

For us, our favorite science teacher was leaving. And we didn’t and couldn’t see anything else

I remember the first working model science project that I ever made, was in my 9th standard, for my science project. It was a simple windmill model and seriously speaking it had nottthinggg other than a toy motor that made it a science project, the rest was just Papier-mâché art project (remember Pogo MAD? That is where you learnt that word ) but it was still something. And I remember sir appreciated my efforts for that. Well yeah, for a 9th standard student in my school those days, to know how to make a basic motor circuit was good enough. And I did make it look pretty neat

All because that one teacher had inspired the whole class to make a working model for project (something no other science teacher did in our school) and I did get inspired, the result was the windmill, while most other students (I think everyone but I am not sure) still made theory projects on scientists and the likes.

Next year, we got another science teacher.. he was good. But not the best we had.

If there is one thing I realize today, looking at our parents and those teachers is that as you grow up, you stop fearing change.. at least you have to. We have to stop fearing leaving things behind. We stop holding on to everything with our crying hearts because as we grow up, we realize and we know, that nothing is permanent. And that the windmill of our life always goes on, breezing the winds of change.. And everybody and everything leaves..

One day will very well be the last day of college as well. Some will give me a chance to say goodbye. Some won’t. For some, even I won’t. Some will share the road, some won’t…

But it is the long road that matters, isn’t it?

.

.

Human Following Robot Project

In my 5th semester, I made a “Human Following Robot”, which I guess is the most creative project I have made till today, all alone and not as a group project, with all that I learnt from a Professor here at Nirma… for a very similar reason.. and while I write this article, history does repeat…

The only difference is.. I accept it this time. We all have to. I understand his reason to leave. We all do.. It must be for his best, isn’t it?

“For the greater good.”

– Gellert Grindelwald, Harry Potter Universe. (Umm. Don’t backsearch the quote please. It is a good quote which was used by Gellert’s character in a totally opposite context so not to contaminate the context I use this in here )

]]>http://www.mahaveerverma.com/why-people-leave/feed/0In Search For A Better Worldhttp://www.mahaveerverma.com/in-search-for-a-better-world/
http://www.mahaveerverma.com/in-search-for-a-better-world/#commentsSun, 03 Apr 2016 14:54:37 +0000http://www.mahaveerverma.com/?p=318I’m wondering what we have come up to A world with nobody to talk to You don’t trust the man sharing your bus seat Nightmares that raise your beat The man did no bad to you Just didn’t prove to you Guilty until proven innocent The stranger you call an immigrant A child grows to […]

“Everybody is so busy with the good XYZ that nobody noticed the bad ABC”

Such Facebook statuses flooding with negativity you see

Yes, I was busy with the good

But were you crying about the bad in the lonely wood?

Yes, you can watch a movie without updating status your

But hey “cool sarcastic dude”, that’s what Facebook was made for

Yes, girls watch football and cricket

And it’s not about the gender equality ticket

Yes, people like Justin Bieber and the others hated

Because they don’t like things based on how they are rated

For its cool to follow the cool isn’t it?

The more you curse, the more is your wit?

In a world where everybody wants to be somebody else, aren’t we?

Then why do you complain if you are not free?

You study for a job of 8 hours a day

You forfeit your love for the right way

Then why do you complain

Isn’t this how you prepared your brain?

You collect certificates to get a job

I warn you, one day you will all sob

When your sons and daughters will tell you their dream

And you will tell a tale how you couldn’t follow yours in the scheme

For every guitar player that stops strumming and picks up the ‘character datatype’ strings

The world loses another artist to the suicide song he sings

A world where we all get so mean

To nowhere, our hearts lean

Where have the young innocent thoughts been?

When did death call the teen

How will the world survive

With our corrupt minds on a long lonely drive

Have close friends five

Find out what you thrive

A reason for being alive.

– Mahaveer Verma

——————————————————

A word about the poem:

This is my first ever poem. And I know this is too long to be qualified as a peom But that just happened. Oops

And you might be feeling the poem hits a lot of negative feelings one can have about others, right? Sorry but that’s the most suitable way I decided to put forward what I notice around the world these days. At times, people are not being what they should be. The world is changing. Whether you like it or not. But at the same time, believe me when I say there is still ‘the good in the bad’. Yes, today, this poem reflects the bad in the good because you can’t always be happy about everything bad that happens. Sometimes you need to look the bad in the eye and challenge it.

So with a promise that the next time I write something, it will be about the sun that shines rather than the crying rains, see you next time

Hope you liked the poem and I hope I conveyed what I really meant to..