Everybody but me, Mongo Morganson, Jeremy Rampoop, Dr. Love, Chiclet, Roxie Wilcox, Earl Well and Mike Vendetti were sucked out the hole I made in Dr. Love's gigantic HDTV into the inky blackness of outer space.
Dr. Love scanned his living room, seeing whom had not been sucked into the inky blackness of outer space and whom got sucked: Let's see. We're missing that loudmouth F-Dawg, them insanity fellows Dr. Munson and Warden LeCroix, my NA stooge Dr. Gordy, and the TV stars Marlin Perkins, David Carradine and Billy Baxter.
I, Vishnu Rampoop, lied: Dr. Love, I'm sorry I threw the remote control through yer TV, but yer religious empire-building game sucked ass! The sucked don't write the history books, the unsucked do!
Dr. Love was puzzled: I invented the Laws of Physics and they don't fuck around. I understand why yew, Chiclet, Mike and Earl Well weren't sucked, but these fucking fucks should have been sucked into the inky blackness of outer space with those other fucking fucks!
I said: I warned my bro' Mongo and my cuz Jeremy to hold on tight!
Earl Well said: Ands I tolds my sexy sista Roxy the same thing!
Roxie blushed like a knocked-up schoolgirl: I dids what Earl Well said!
Dr. Love said: I've been thinking. I invented the Universe 5 billion years and seven days ago and its been one fucking nightmare after another! TV, hacking, fucking and sucking don't impress me no more!
I ask: What impresses yew now?
Dr. Love waddles over to his big-ass waltzed in closet, yanking out a thick stack of masterpieces by the Impressionist painters Van Gogh, Renoir, Toulouse-Lautrec, Gauguin and Cezanne: I am impressed by the 19th century Impressionists. But I will tar, feather and bitch slap any mime, performance artist or banjo player daring to cross my path!
Earl Well whistled: Ol' Dr. Love gettin' all artsy-fartsy in his old age!
I whip out my black I-Pod: Speaking of artsy-fartsy, anybody wanna read my new book, "The Punk Rock Bible?"
Everyone is terrified: NOT THE THRILL OF THE FAST REVERSE!
My beautiful ex-wife Chiclet aka Miss Epiphany Nookie Orgasmitron screeched: VISHNU RAMPOOP, THIS IS YER DIRTIEST EVER! AND YEW FUCKING CHEATED ON ME!
I walk over to Dr. Love's PC, eject the holy ancient Mac floppy disc and shove it into my black I-Pod's Glory Hole: WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT CHICLET! WE'LL JUST SEE!
And it came to pass: as all my friends and lovers crowded around me, I pushed the PLAY button on my black I-Pod and everything went black.

END

Last edited by vishnu666 on Wed Feb 08, 2012 12:00 am; edited 3 times in total

I'm gonna move to CA, chop down a redwood, grind it into paper, kidnap an editor, find me an agent, plan to go on book tours like Charles Bukowski. So that means probably never. I've been wrestling wih this fucker for 10 years now. I tried to put the whole thing on tcpunk but I overloaded the post, so I'm adding on bits on the fly.