Posts Tagged ‘honesty’

Having a family of four is a strange thing. My friends with bigger families scoff when I refer to my family as large, and smaller families are shocked that I have so many. The most interesting part of my family (I think) is that I never thought I would ever have or want a big family. I was never particularly maternal. I never had the ‘clock’ ticking. Each child came naturally from a gentle nudge when it was time. I thought at one I was done, then I thought I could never handle more than two. As three and four came, I just realized my cup didn’t empty, it just got bigger. My girls bring me so much joy. My marriage has been strengthened so much by our roles changing and developing together. I think I have had the graces to become a better person throughout this journey.

One of the funny things are some of the things I constantly hear. People just seem to have the same standard responses. Normally they are:
“Are you done now?” – Not sure. For today I am, but I have had my heart changed in the past, so who knows…
“All girls?!?! Are you trying for a boy?” – Nope, I like girls. In fact, I had a priest once tell me he would pray that God blesses me with a boy and that he become a priest. Thank goodness that prayer hasn’t been answered yet. I don’t understand boys at all. Although my nephews are freaking fantastic!
“You must be busy!” – Nope. (I say as I flop down to fold ten loads of laundry while on the phone sorting volunteering hours, changing a diaper, kissing a boo boo, and cooking dinner)
“Your poor husband!” – Don’t even get me started on this one
“Better you than me” – I am never quite sure how to respond to this… ‘yes, I MUST be soooo much better at this than you??’ (which is ironic since I spend half the time trying to figure it out)

I am not thinking about joining the quiverfull movement anytime soon (www.quiverfull.com) I don’t quite fit the 2.5 children box. I am just me. Learning each day how to be a better wife and mom. Learning that I can grow and that I can forgive myself when I screw up. Learning that I don’t have to be perfect, I just have to love with all I have.

And because I love lists, I will end with this:

Things I would love my children to learn from being in our “big” family:

1. Love multiplies as numbers increase.
2. Extra kids mean extra opportunities to give.
3. Fighting is impossible to avoid, but easy to end.
4. ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you’ are not only for guests.
5. Even mom and dad have to say I am sorry when they are wrong.
6. Easter and Christmas are about Christ, not candy.
7. What we DO is far more important than what we have.
8. We sometimes have to choose to love someone. If we rely only on our emotions, we are not going to make it very far in life.
9. Doing things to help others is not an option, it’s a requirement.
10. Big things can be done when one person starts small.
11. Ikea tables are made too small for real dinners.
12. A messy house is okay sometimes.
13. People are ALWAYS more important than things.
14. Being kind is contagious.
15. Our lives are an example to each other and the people around us.
16. Birthday cakes come in extra extra large.
18. It’s important to tell people what you need. Nobody is able to read your mind.
19. Sometimes people just need a hug. Always be ready to give one, and be grateful in accepting one.
20. Family is the absolute, number one, without a doubt, most precious gift you have ever been given.

Like this:

So, two weeks ago, as I was pulling out of somewhere with my eight year old, I backed into a neighbors car. No witnesses, barely any damage. The dilemma started there. Was is bad enough to leave a note? If I do, what if she is crazy and tries to inflate costs? If I don’t, would I be able to look myself in the mirror? Would I be able to look my daughter in the eye?

So I left a note.

The woman never called. I sat on it for a week, then went and knocked on her door. She said that she saw no damage. I walked her out and showed her precisely where I hit, and the small indent. She said she would get an estimate and then get back to me.

Another week passes.

There was a knock on the door today. It was my neighbor with her estimate. $850. Yep, you read that right. EIGHT HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS. Holy snap. That is a lot of money. So I apologized again and got on the phone with my insurance because, unfortunately, I don’t have that kind of money in my back pocket.

Now, long story short, they will pay. In the end, with my rate increases that will inevitably come, and my deductible, I am the one paying in the long run, but for now the cost is covered, and my neighbors car will be repaired.

I am so grateful today that I am blessed with a life that I have the ability to have a car. I am so grateful that I have the finances to afford insurance. And I am sooooo grateful that I was honest.

I guess the cost of honesty is a lighter soul (and a lighter pocketbook 😉 ).

QUICK UPDATE: Looks like I have no deductible since there was no damage to my car, and my rates may not go up because of an accident insurance clause. So, my pocketbook can now worry about other things like the mortgage. 🙂