Motherhood

08/04/2017

Trying to put the experience of motherhood into words is no easy task, and perhaps that's part of the allure. I love writing about motherhood and while I used to do a lot of it here I have moved most of those musings to my contributions on mom.me. Last month I wrote a piece I was particularly proud of and I wanted to make sure I shared a link here.

04/17/2016

It is the six year anniversary of this little blog of mine and it is finally clear to me why I do it. I always thought I was someone with too many interests to have one true passion. But then I went to Craftcation and I met an amazing group of makers and it clicked: I am wildly passionate about raising the next generation of makers.

People who make things are the coolest people I know. I use maker in the broadest sense: it's about creative expression, hands-on creation, and self-sustainablity. It's about making dinner, making poetry, making memories. It's about raising kids that become adults who take ownership of their life in a tangible way. I want to raise kids that feel comfortable being creative and who know how to use their own two hands for more than typing. And what's more, I want to inspire and teach parents and caregivers to do the same.

One thing I'm worried about is getting too precious about raising mini makers. I plan to keep it extra real. I promise you won't have to start drenching yourself in pachouli or raise the funds for a homestead. My ideas won't require an art degree or the patience of a saint (I have neither of those things). In fact, the content here won't change much, it will just be more intentional. From now on each post on this site will fall into three categories: model, collaborate, and enable. Some projects will help you learn to make yourself, so that you can model making. Many posts will give you ideas for collaborating with your mini maker, things you can create with or alongside your kids. Lastly, I hope to give you ideas that will enable your kids to create on their own.

In discussing this philosophy with a dear flamenco dancer friend of mine, she summed it up perfectly. When her now grown son was very little he wanted to help her make tortellini and like any sane woman trying to make tortellini for a family of six, she said no. But then he looked up at her with sweet wide eyes and said, "But if you don't teach me how to make tortellini, I will grow up to be a man who doesn't know how to make tortellini."

He had such a great point. I hope you'll join me. Let's raise men and women who know how make tortellini!

Now, it's time to share my mom.me articles for this month and I can't really do that without sharing how I feel about negative comments. This article that I wrote unintentionally struck a major nerve with many people.

"When we read something that touches a nerve, or worse — an insecurity — the meanest parts of us can come out." - Grace Bonney

The comments for that post, especially on Facebook, were overwhelmingly harsh and surprisingly personal. When I wrote that article I thought it would make moms of boys chuckle and perhaps spark conversation. I had no idea I would be perceived as a naive, overly sensitive, uptight, crazy person. I might be a bit crazy, but I am neither naive nor hypersensitive. That said, I am a person with feelings and reading attack after attack of my character made be have a lot of them. I was angry, frustrated, confused, defensive, and sad. Then I felt ashamed for letting my feelings get hurt by a bunch of mean strangers. But here's the thing: It worries me that it has become socially acceptable to spout hateful things in any and all comment sections. Thankfully, this behavior seems to be relegated to the typed word, I doubt any one of those commenters would have said those things to my face.

Isn't it about time the internet population started recognizing that there are humans behind the screens? This sentiment of course does not apply to my sweet and wonderful Small + Friendly readers, you totally get it. So I'm hoping you can help me spread the word, wouldn't the internet be a better place if people only made comments they would dare say in person? We could still have loads of healthy debate without resorting to name calling. Maybe, I am naive after all , but I'd really love if such a concept caught on. In the meantime I'm collecting a paycheck, I stand by my words, and I'm working on growing a thicker skin.

Okay, rant over! If you've made it this far, perhaps you'd like to read more? Here are my mom.me articles for March:

02/26/2015

How have I let so many months go by without another brotherly love post? I don't have a great answer, but I am thrilled to report that the love train is still in service. It's true that they are very difficult to photograph together these days; they're basically a big blur of giggles and wiggles and overly intense hugs. These two; it's really more than this mama's heart can handle.

Whilst his big bro pretty much wrote the book on catching shut eye, Ronan is not a good sleeper, but thus far, room sharing has gone really well. Ronan's favorite thing to do in the morning is try to wake his brother up. He stands in the corner of his crib and makes the loudest noise known to man, it's like a high pitched "WA-WA" siren sound. If he succeeds in rousing Jude, he is rewarded with smiles and hugs and equally noisy "Good Mornings"!

The first time we all saw Ronan take a few steps, Jude rushed over to him, gave him a hug and whispered in his ear "I'm so proud of you". Jude can always get Ronan to smile, and he is incredibly patient and kind. For his part, Ronan worships his brother.

I'll admit that they don't bathe together regularly; it has become a bit of a treat. They both get so excited (and slippery) it's a little dangerous (and exhausting for us parents), but like most things, they prefer to do it together.

Here's to brotherly love, may they (and I) remember these moments always.

This Month's Posts for Mom.me:

Why The Second Baby Is Awesome - It’s true, there is something magical and special about your first child, but once you have your second, you realize that all babies are magical and special. The difference is that the second time around, you can actually enjoy it!

10 Not-Horrible Ways To Induce Labor -These natural induction methods are gentle and pleasant so while they may not do the trick, they certainly can’t hurt. In fact, I think they are what made my labor with Ronan so quick!

10 Delicious Milk Boosting Recipes - For all you nursing mamas, these tasty recipes are all full of milk-boosting ingredients, giving you peace of mind and a very happy tummy!

01/23/2015

I am so excited to tell you about my latest writing gig. The funny thing is I have never thought of myself as a "writer". Sure I wrote countless college papers and random musings here on my own blog, but I've always thought I was more of a maker than a wordsmith. Creating things comes fairly easy to me, creating ideas, less so. But here I am writing professionally, and loving the challenge (all thanks to the wonderful people who stop by and read my words here, I am so very grateful for you). I am thrilled to be sharing my thoughts on motherhood over at Mom.me. Most of my posts are aimed at helping new and expectant mothers, but I think all moms can relate and enjoy them. I'm sharing a little snippet of my first four posts below, if you're interested I'd love for you to read them and perhaps share them with your expectant friends.

(Like my bumpin hair in that old school pic? Pretty awesome right?)

A Letter to My Pre-Baby Self: You are not tired. Please don’t ever tell a parent (especially a new one) that you’re exhausted, you’ll just embarrass yourself. Sleep in often. Take naps whenever possible. You will gain many wonderful things when you become a parent, but restful nights are not among them.

Why You Should Fire Your Lactation Consultant: The stressful and often conflicting advice of these “experts” is the reason I didn’t succeed with my first son. And now, nine months into my second breastfeeding journey, I can safely say that less is more in the way of expert advice.

I Ate My Placenta and So Should You: Yes, that’s right, I am now one of those weird hippies. Although, before you get too grossed out, I didn’t fry it up and serve it with a side of potatoes. I had my placenta encapsulated, and I highly recommend it!

10 Things No One Tells You About Postpartum Recovery: File this under "The Worst Thing No One Told Me." It didn’t even occur to me that using the restroom after having a baby would be so fraught with fear and discomfort. The truth is, going poop after having a baby is almost as difficult as having the baby itself.

12/27/2014

Jude River, my sweet baby boy, today you are five years old! These have been the most amazing years of my life; five years full of joy and challenge and worry and snuggles and giggles and growth. I'm not sure who has grown more, you or I. When you were born, the one dream I wished and wanted more than any other came true: I became a mother. And what an honor it is to be your mama, I could not possibly love you more. My whole body aches with love for you, and it always will. I could not be more proud of you; you are kind, smart, funny, curious, driven, creative, and down-right wonderful. Thank you so much for being you, and being mine. Here's to many many more. Happy Birthday! All my love, Mom.

09/08/2014

It wasn't my crowning moment as a parent. I was desperately trying to get out of the house with two little ones, a feat I had only accomplished a few times on my own. After all, these things take practice, and patience, and sleep; both of which were in very short supply. I had been asking Jude, for what felt like hours, to get his shoes on. And Ronan was already strapped into his carseat, of which he is not a fan, and so the soundtrack to this little encounter was a crying baby. I finally hollered to Jude, "That's it, I'm leaving!" To which he responded, as any four-year-old new brother would, with a full on melt down, complete with hysterical crying. I rushed to him, gave him a hug, and said, "I'm sorry, baby, I'm not going to leave without you, I just really need you to listen to me and put your shoes on."

My very wonderful neighbor across the street witnessed the whole scene unfold. Instead of ignoring my plight or judging my harsh words, he offered this phrase: "Mothers are miracles!" It bounced lightly across the street and wrapped me in a gentle hug; one that allowed me to laugh at my situation and give myself a little grace. Mothers ARE miracles. Always. Not just when the house is clean and the children are happy and well behaved. And not because they "do it all"; after all, the most miraculous bits will never be found on pinterest. Mothers are miracles just for showing up. For loving with all their heart and doing their best. Even when their best involves shouting and tears and apologies. And even when the only thing that gets accomplished all day is that everyone's nails get clipped.

It's a mother who can love their child fiercely, even when they don't like them very much. It's a mother who can find a whole day's worth of joy in one baby's giggle or a preschooler's job well done. Mothers shake off sleepless nights and face the day even when all they want to do is hide under the covers. They wipe the sleep from their eyes and go to work so their children are provided for; or they stay home and read Brown Bear Brown Bear until they want to throw it across the room. It's a mother who can find their sense of humor even when they have no idea where their patience went. It's a mother's embrace that can make a child feel safe and loved and at home. It's a mother's voice that can calm fears and stop tears and buoy spirits. It's a mother's intuition that can anticipate needs, read the subtle signs, and provide just what is needed at that moment. All of these things are amazing, awe inspiring, and miraculous.

Did you grow a life with your body or within your heart? Do you love that child everyday? Do you kiss boo boos and read stories, even when your eyes are heavy with exhaustion? Do you feed and cloth and worry over your child? Do you make them laugh? Then you, my friend, are a miracle.

So the next time you find yourself replaying your day and focusing on all the things you did wrong; or crying in the bathroom because you're the one who needs a time out; or when you feel the need to look at your motherhood journey through harsh and critical eyes, remember this: Mothers are miracles. Say it loud and often. Share it with a mother who looks like she needs to hear it and to another who seems to have it all dialed in. Mothers, each of us, all of us, are miracles.

04/29/2014

First, I should say that Ronan's birth was one of the most amazing, exhilarating experiences I've ever had. Almost pain free and only 90 minutes start to finish, I will never win the labor horror story contest. I also can't take any credit for how easy it was, I was simply lucky and blessed beyond measure. While I know that most labors require much more work and pain, I want to share my story because there seems to be a general lack of beautiful, positive birth stories out there. Ronan's birth may have been extraordinary, but I'd like to put it out in the world so that other women know that a wonderful, natural birth in a hospital is possible.

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