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No Telling Psst! Tell 'em Serge sent you. That's practically what you have to do to gain entrance to Paris's hottest store, Panoplie, which is hidden in a private courtyard behind a wooden door marked only by a buzzer on the rue d'Argout. The shop is favored by in-the-know Parisians who crave designer basics like classic crewnecks from John Smedley and protection sportswear by Vexed Generation. It's the newest label in the store, however, that has people talking. Each piece of skim.com clothing is emblazoned with a large serial number that functions as an ID. As a wearer, you can register your particular number on the collection's Web site so interested strangers who've spotted you on the street and jotted down your tags can get in touch. 011-331-4028-9035

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Neo-New Wave Gentlemen, it is time to confront the true Y2K bug: the beginnings of an early-eighties revival. While trim suits with pushed-up sleeves and pointy shoes have become recent fashion-show staples, music by the likes of Elvis Costello and James White blares at Reagan-era revivals like Culture Club in Manhattan and at other hangouts across the land. What does it all mean? Who knows, but you might want to get that skinny leather tie out of deep storage.

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Ne Phone Ultra While more than 125 countries go along with one phone standard (GSM), American cells work on a confusing jumble of competing formats that render them nothing more than fancy paperweights on foreign soil. To the rescue: Motorola's i2000, in stores this spring. Able to work on both the GSM standard and iDEN (Motorola's sophisticated American-friendly network, which also allows for person-to-person radio communication), the i2000 also can send text messages and conduct three-way calls and has a built-in speakerphone for hands-free operation.

Neil Barrett After a tenure as the designer of Prada's men's-wear line, Englishman Neil Barrett is winning kudos for his own collection. Barrett's take on sportswear, which mixes seemingly incompatible fabrics like nylon and wool, is the driving force behind his brand. A signature piece for next season: a motorcycle jacket that comes with built-in sunglasses and a detachable helmet.

Pimp Style Is it Sam Jackson's Armani wardrobe in the soon-to-be-released Shaft Returns? Maybe it was leftover visions of Mark Wahlberg in Boogie Nights. Of course, there's a possibility that the lothario-like look that populates this spring's Gucci collection came from Tom Ford's own late-'70s closet. Whatever the case, his low-slung snakeskin bell-bottoms, slithery silk-charmeuse shirts, and barely there floral-print bikini swimsuits aren't the only pimp-friendly clothes in town. Donatella Versace also got in on the action with hip-hugging swim trunks printed with palm fronds and trimmed with gold studs, while Alessandro Dell' Acqua added a Latin lover's spin with handkerchiefs knotted at the neck. Are these clothes for you? Depends on how much you like Barry White.

Politics All politics might be local, but never so much as when the national conventions are in your town and you stand less of a chance of getting a dinner reservation than Alan Keyes does of getting to be president. Time to avoid Philadelphia: July 31 to Aug. 3, when the GOP takes over the First Union Center. Time to avoid L. A.: Always, as usual, but especially from Aug. 14 to 17, when the Dems are in the Staples Center.

Painting Popularity After too many years of installations, video performances, and multimedia extravaganzas, art is returning to its painterly roots. Leading the charge is John Currin, whose bosomy canvases were the must-buy at Christie's recent contemporary-art auction. Other new artists taking to the brush and easel: Matthew Ritchie, Lisa Yuskavage, Damian Loeb, Pedro Barbeito, Ellen Gallagher, and Cecily Brown, many of whose works will hang in this spring's Whitney Biennial.

Oh, Hilary Disproving the belief that Pat Morita can kill a costar's career: Attractive actress Hilary Swank, once upon a time the kid in the fourth Karate Kid movie, has won practically every award known to Hollywood for her portrayal of a young girl trying to pass as a guy in last year's much adulated Boys Don't Cry. Unlike that other Morita veteran Ralph Macchio, Swank's recent absence from the screen is self-imposed: While she watches her stock rise, she's mulling over script offers. Whichever one this 25-year-old picks next, expect it to be as big as her paycheck.

The Post-Postmodernists

After a decade of self-referencing, ironic rehash, four individuals who are doing things we haven't seen in a while--ignoring the canon and actually making something new: Marc Newson His innovative and refreshingly odd Ford 021C concept sedan (his first automotive effort) turned the Tokyo auto show on its ear when it debuted this past fall. The car got the perfect response from traditional car designers--they hated it. Chris Ware His comic books of loneliness and pain are rendered in stark, dramatic detail that is the antithesis of what you'd find next to an Ann Landers column. Glorianna Davenport As director of interactive cinema at MIT's Media Lab, which develops technologies like a pair of shoes that would "guide" you along a path by using music, Davenport is at ground zero of the future of having fun. Tom Tykwer His film Run Lola Run has its way with time, perspective, and visual style for no other reason than because that's the way he wanted it. Though Tykwer has no formal film training, his future projects will make us reconsider what we want to see when the theater gets dark.

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Prints Proud owners of Hawaiian shirts rejoice: All manner of prints are in style this spring. German-born Jil Sander was inspired by the reconstruction of Berlin, so she anointed her stark clothes with drill-bit designs. Meanwhile, Paul Smith and Byblos joined Dolce & Gabbana and Versace, who made colorful florals reminiscent of Reyn Spooner's fifties-era designs, though they mixed their shirts with leather jackets and snakeskin pants.

Racing Chauffeured designer types have finally come to terms with Middle America's rabid passion for burnt rubber, big engines, and the way Steve McQueen used to dress. Prada's pants and cropped jackets are tailor-made for a 700-horsepower Nascar joyride, while Burberry has turned out a line of leathers and DKNY is making sleek biker gear for Ducati. Meanwhile, Tommy Hilfiger has just sponsored Ferrari on the Formula One circuit.

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Restaurants Most aren't taking reservations quite yet, but these are the eateries at which you'll be fighting for a table in the next six months: Rising star Jake Klein opens Jake's, bringing Asian-influenced cuisine to Coral Gables, Florida. Frank McClelland, whose L'Espalier has been serving fine French to Bostonians since 1988, will open Sel de la Terre, a casual Provençal café on the waterfront. Fine dining comes to Santa Anita racetrack in Arcadia, California, with the official opening of FrontRunner--a contemporary Californian overlooking the finish line. In New York, it's the second life of Minton's Playhouse; the historic jazz joint at 118th Street in Harlem will open its doors for the first time in 26 years. In Philadelphia, the phenomenal Neil Stein of Striped Bass fame will open Avenue B, which promises American. Gerry Klaskala, Atlanta's favorite son (Buckhead Diner, Canoe), reopens Hedgerose (under a new name), offering food, music, design, and local artists' works, all under one roof.

Stan Smith's Spawn The space-age Nike Air Max, the Energizer Bunny of running shoes, may finally be maxed out. Athletic footwear companies like Adidas, Puma, and Converse are benching many futuristic kicks in favor of low-tech Stan Smith and Chuck Taylor--style sneakers that could have walked off a 1960s court.

Raincoats April--and with it come those pesky showers. Fortunately, designers have sprinkled their collections with plenty of sleek raincoats, from detective-worthy trenches to standard Scottish Macintosh styles. Both for his signature line in New York and his collection for Louis Vuitton in Paris, Marc Jacobs cut trim, shortish slickers out of rubberized water-repellent cotton. Giorgio Armani, Valentino, and, of course, Burberry also took turns with the truncated foul-weather gear.

Showing the Guns While loose clothes are cropping up in some quarters, body-conscious clothing isn't entirely gone. Cheesy muscle T-shirts are getting a makeover, as sleeves pull a vanishing act in many designer collections this spring. Not only have avant-garde designers like John Bartlett and Raf Simons made sleeveless shirts and coats, respectively, more classic houses like Calvin Klein, Versace, and Yves Saint Laurent have, too.

StyleHaving spent years apprenticing to the likes of Ralph Lauren and Calvin Klein as the head of their men's divisions, John Varvatos might very well be the best new (and best qualified) designer America has produced in decades. The first collection to bear his name-- a head-to-toe range of men's wear, the fabrics and materials for which he has meticulously developed himself--consists of pieces that have an Old World sensibility in details and quality but a contemporary attitude in fit and silhouette. Watch for it at Neiman Marcus this fall.

Stain Boy Marc Jacobs had onlookers at his spring show scratching their heads at the sight of a quirky T-shirt emblazoned with a dirty-looking pencil-drawn figure among otherwise indulgent cashmere T-shirts and $1,000 cotton windbreakers. Turns out that the figure, called Stain Boy, is a character from Tim Burton's grim collection of twisted children's fables. And its inclusion in the show isn't all that mysterious. All proceeds from the sales of the T-shirt, which costs $150, will benefit the Pediatric AIDS Foundation. 212-343-1490

Sports Couchtime Calendar

APRIL 3: FINAL GAME OF THE NCAA BASKETBALL TOURNAMENT. APRIL 6--9: THE MASTERS. APRIL 7--9: DAVIS CUP HEATS UP WITH ROUND TWO. APRIL 9: THE LAST DAY OF HOCKEY, THANK GOD. APRIL 11: DETROIT TIGERS' NEW STADIUM OPENS. APRIL 27--29: PENN RELAYS. JUNE 8: THE LONGEST OLYMPIC TORCH RELAY EVER BEGINS IN YULARA, NORTHERN TERRITORY, TO CULMINATE ON SEPT. 15 IN SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA. JUNE 9--17: COLLEGE WORLD SERIES. JULY 1--23: TOUR DE FRANCE. AUG. 21--27: U. S. MEN'S AMATEUR OPEN.