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Wednesday, October 15, 2014

I'm Struggling to Figure Out What I Want To Do

I am struggling to figure out what God is trying to tell me. I get excited about things then when I look into it, there is always an obstacle or something happens that makes me think is this really for me?

Maybe I don't have as much confidence in myself than I thought.

Maybe that one thing is really NOT for me.

I feel like I know what I want to do but I can't seem to get there.

So glad my mom is not reading this because she would bop me in the head (Not really but you know what I mean) and say something like "can't' is not in your vocabulary.

Here's a brief summary.

I signed up to be a volunteer, went through the background check, referrals and waited for this meeting. I was expecting to walk out of there knowing exactly what I will be doing and start from there.

However, that was not the case. I sat for two hours listening to the speaker. He did give us guidance and pointers but it wasn't what I expected.

Then he said we had to pray on it for 7-10 days or however long it takes while reading the booklet that gives details and then if we decide if this is what I want to do, to fill out the application and return it to him. He did say if we had any questions to call for an appointment.

I thought wait a minute, I go through the process of becoming a volunteer and now I need to fill out yet another application for this department. I may or may not be selected. I can take rejection so that isn't the problem. It's just becoming more complicated than I thought.

I totally understand they need to make sure we are capable of doing it. As he went through some of the few details he touched on, I'm like OMG I want to do it but can I do it?

He gave each of us an application for in case we want to do it. I don't like one of the question because although it is a yes or no question. I need to elaborate on that answer. Maybe it is not a necessity but I feel like I want to defend that answer. But is my defense justifiable?

When I started this process I looked at my options and this option from the start was iffy. However, I've had several people tell me with my experiences of life I would be ideal for this.

I am trying to figure if God is telling me to do this and I am just not listening and it is why I am struggling.

Or Maybe my first instinct was right and I need to sway from that area and move on to another area?

2 comments:

I hope you find your answers. I just finished my Vincentian training and it has already been hard not being able to help as many people as I hoped as quickly as I could. The idea that I have to tell someone that I cannot get them off the streets that night are just killing my heart.

Go ahead say whatever is on your mind after reading my post. I'm not easily offended and even if you want to disagree. I 'm opened to any comments. If nothing else, say Hi. I appreciate all of you who read my blog!