Tuesday, 19 August 2008

I sit and watch her as she spends so much time with her head in the books studying..... and I am amazed at the woman she is becoming!!!

She has developed into a beautiful, willowy young woman, who has her dreams and her goals, and to my sheer amazement and wonder, even with all the bumps along the road, she is still aiming high!!! I am constantly blown away by who she is becoming, with her strong personality, and her stalwart convictions of right and wrong!!! She is firming up who she is in the world, and her place in the world, whilst I sit by and wonder - WHERE DID THE TIME GO?!

Where did the little girl go, who once sat on her bean bag, with a chocolate covered face, and a grin from ear to ear, whilst she enjoyed her paddle pop ice-cream?! Where did the little girl go, who enjoyed playing with her duplo and lego often spending hours building with them!! Where did the little girl go who shouted "more Mummy, higher Mummy" whilst she played on her swings in the backyard, or at the park? Where did the little girl go who raided her Mum's handbag one night whilst I was on the phone, to put lipstick on "just like Mummy" - to only have lipstick from one side of her face to the other????I remember the little girl who sat on the floor - licking the bowl from the makings of a chocolate cake, at the same time covering herself in it - the cake being to share at our local calisthenics club, for her birthday. Days were measured by competitions as a team for calisthenics, and practise for her own solo work to go on stage and dance her heart out, they were also measured by the weekends we spent on the road as we went from one calisthenics event to another. Nights were spent just catching my breath, whilst I sequined her latest costume - sometimes spending weeks on just one - and also trying to cook dinner, clean the house, get work done that I had brought home with me, just so I could stay caught up!!!! Time flew by too fast as I was often amazed at her ability to just keep going and yet still be striving so high at school.

Time slips by so fast and robs us of the moments of our children growing up, and before we know it they are miniature adults, and it has all happened way too fast!!! I stand at the door and watch the young woman she has become, as she drives her car out the driveway to head off to school, and everyday that I do never gets easier!!!! You try not to worry cause you know she is a good driver, a sensible driver - one that will not even start the car untill you have your seat belt fastened - but you also know there are other crazy drivers out there, and you pray she will not encounter them!!!

I remember the day I tied the keys of her car, with a large purple ribbon, to her car, and the beam on her face shows pleasure and excitement, and all the stress that you felt when you were looking for "just the right one" just goes!!!

So world, do you think we can slow down just a little - let me catch up on the time I have missed, so that I can enjoy the little girl I have raised, for just a bit longer? Let not the years of uni come fast, let not the final exams be here tomorrow, and let not the "final formal" arrive too soon?? Let me just enjoy the little girl I raised, for just a bit longer, before I have to acknowledge that she is a young woman, she is going to leave me soon and make her own way in the world!!!! Let me PLEASE catch up!!! It is making me feel old too!!

Her dreams, her aiming so high, her desire to reach perfection at her work, keep her driven. And I am so proud of who she is becoming. She is growing into a wonderful, strong young woman - but seriously - can we just SLOW DOWN for but a moment - before she has gone into her life, and I am no longer able to share who she is, because she has been gobbled up by the world!!! PLEASE!

Saturday, 19 April 2008

Love and hate - so close in feelings - extreme's that bring about so many emotions!!!

Emotions run hot and cold as I think of the people who have come and gone in my life. So many thoughts of the hurt, and the love and all that it has encompassed.

It is after all and they are after all what shape us as human beings and who we become. At what point in life do we form these strong emotions and do we ever really know what they mean?

When do we begin to know in our life, what brings about these feelings and how do we finally recognise what love is? We think that well of emotion, that "swallow" that goes on forever, bringing tears to our eyes when thinking about some one person who is in our lives is "the feeling".

How can we know that this is love, not just an infatuation, a temporary fleeting feeling, that will change as things in a relationship (whatever sort) changes?

Wikipedia defines loves as:

Love is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection.[1] The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure ("I loved that meal") to intense interpersonal attraction ("I love my wife"). This diversity of meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states.

Addressed as an abstract concept, love usually refers to a deep, ineffable feeling of tenderly caring for another person. Even this limited conception of love, however, encompasses a wealth of different feelings."

and yet the dictionary defines hate as:

hate..>(ht)

v. hat·ed, hat·ing, hates

v.tr.

1.

a. To feel hostility or animosity toward.

b. To detest.

2. To feel dislike or distaste for: hates washing dishes.

v.intr.

To feel hatred.

n.

1. Intense animosity or dislike; hatred.

2. An object of detestation or hatred

A NOUN of hate is LOVE

So the parallel between the two emotions is so close yet evoke so many different feelings!!!!

I know that there have been times in my life that I have thought "this is it" this is "the feeling", the thing that finally says I have come to a cross roads in my life where I am ready to change the habits and the "me" space. After 10+yrs alone it is hard to let go of the "me" space and finally let someone else share that space. We let our guard down little by little believing this person may not hurt us, may be aware of what they are doing in playing with our heart in their hands. We watch them whilst they juggle our heart from hand to hand, throwing it in the air, and throwing out words that suggest there just may be something here for us to finally let them do it!!! Let them juggle our hearts, let them bruise it, hurt it, and yet allow them to continue in "our me" space.

You think quietly to yourself that if this one hurts me too much I will leave, I won't let them get under my skin, I won't let them see me cry, I won't let down my guard and finally realise that my years of cold emotion have melted and I have begun to feel.

That like the evolving caterpillar becoming the bright and colorful butterfly they are opening up a part of us that we thought was long gone!!!!

We yell "hang on - I said I wasn't going to let this happen again!!!"

So how do we really know the difference between love and hate after all they really are the same extreme emotion!!!

How do we know that the person we handed our heart to in the hope that in their juggling allowing them to melt the barriers, letting us perhaps feel that it might one day be alright to say "that word", that they will not turn around and throw our heart aside bringing us again to the other emotion the strong distinct feeling of hate - which closes us up and locks us away from the world to avoid anymore?

What do you think, what is your take on love and/or hate? Would love to hear your thoughts on the differences, and how to recognise those feelings?

Friday, 25 January 2008

Well its been a few weeks since I posted on my blog, after all its school holidays - that bain of every parent's life!!! How's yours been - mine has been weird, different, not sure how to describe it - this year!!!Firstly, its the first Christmas break we have been home for in a few - we have been away to Bali twice, and in between the U.S.A - all of them I loved; the teenager well what can I say - the different lifestyle and culture of the Balinese the first time was enlightening with a teenager who had never travelled overseas!!! (Mind you we BOTH love the place now, the people are beautiful, the country is beautiful etc etc)

So being home for these holidays has felt so wrong!! (I miss my best friend - she lives in Perth!) Then of course introduce the fact that it is the first year the teenager has worked, the first Christmas holidays we have had a resident boyfriend in our lives, who has made life interesting!!! Young love, what can I say, don't think I remember it being so all over the place!!!

Then to top it all, I have started changing my life within the home, by introducing my business to the home - this brings with it a new set of boundaries within our home!! and just to ensure that life is not dull at our modest home, we have something you would think had occurred due to a bomb being dropped from a great height, landing in our backyard!!! We open windows - we eat dirt, we open doors - we eat dirt... Jamie Durie I challenge you to figure this one out for me!!!

So is life interesting?? Oh for sure.... teenager thinks that now she is 16, starting Year 12 this year, and working, she should be able to have her first car for starting back at school.... Me, I don't ever remember life being so easy as to work away at my parents and convince them that this is the ONLY right and JUST thing to do for this poor teenager, after all, god forbid we should make her catch a bus, or even worse WALK!!!!

Obviously, I am old fashioned and stuck in a time warp, cause I remember my parents telling me should I so desire a car I could save up for one, you know WORK for one, and purchase it myself. That it wasn't a god given right of mine to have my own car when I deemed it should be, and that should that be a problem with me getting to school I could always walk, or catch the bus!!!

So what has happened to this generation Y - oh is it Y can't I have it, Y shouldn't I have it, Y is my life so tough!!! So and so has one so I should be able to!! Curse those parents who give their kids everything, and forget to teach them the value of the almighty dollar!!!

And in the meantime this blogger is watching the stock market and wondering if she will have anything left at this rate?!

So, school holidays have been VERY INTERESTING this year, and we have certainly had our moments, but the last two weeks have been particularly pleasant (for reasons I will keep to myself) and we have been back to our old Mum, Daughter fun relationship even amid all the working away at Mum regarding THE car!!!

So, there I sit in the bathroom the other day, with said darling daughter doing my hair for me, and us having a big laugh, when said teenager comes toward me with scissors in hand "Mum your fringe is a bit long!!!" - Well, end of beginning, cause before I know it said teenager has cut my fringe - only in doing so when wetting it, she forgot that wet stretches the hair - so now I am sporting a good 5 yr old's fringe just about to start school, and Mum has taken them out the back and given them a home done hairdressing job!!!! EEEKKKK what to do? Take to said teens hair with scissors to ensure she never comes near me again, praise her so as to not upset and hurt her feelings (after all it wouldn't be good for self-esteem, I might get blamed for mental and emotional cruelty!!!), or ??? So here I sit with a fringe to the top of my forehead having not looked like this for many a year, and as far as I am concerned..........

BRING ON SCHOOL TERM!!! Someone save me from the dreaded hormonal years of a teenager!!!

About Me

I am a single Mum reaching the pinnacle of my life who wants to share what it is like to raise a teenager alone in today's changing world.(At least before I lose my mind muttering to myself for the millionth time...."wish I had done half of what you do now, or should that be I wish I had it as good as you have it now... etc etc... back when I was young!" as well as "if I pack you off to live with your grandparents now, will you come back thanking me for the wonderful life you DO have?!") All those things we heard our parents say whilst we thought "I'll never say that to my kids!"

Blogrush

A Groovy Chicks Forecast - in the stars

Want to find what you are interested in quicker - smarter?

A Book I Am Reading - I LOVE IT

Eat, Pray, Love

Virtual Assistant Network Association - I am a Member!

Work It, Mom member!!!

salannkas-muses

What is Your Inner Element?

The Element of EarthYou are the bearer of the Earth. Earth is the most powerful and influential of the elemental signs. You behold great wisdom, and you could even say, you have an engineering or inventive mind. You ask yourself "How does this work?", with things pertaining to daily ideals, instruments, relationships, and people. You are very practical and stable, borderline on the perfectionist side. Cautious and insightful, you always leave a safety net close at hand. You know responsibilities and priorities, making sure that life will run as smoothly as possible. You are a lover of the arts, and of fine materials. You are very determined, going great lengths to achieve your goals, and are always seeking to know and understand. Because you are the bearer of the Earth, you have a natural green thumb, and also a way with animals and children. Things to be wary of: You tend to have a cynical nature about you, that turns people off, Earth elements have a tendency to get involved in violent situations that have to do with love or money, have a tendency to interfere, critical nature, sometimes unemotional, coldness, or reserve, and are very stubborn and possessive.