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4/04/2010

i have just started working in a totally different and new environment. the first two days wasnt that bad for me, or so it was. i am starting to enjoy the training that is gona last for the first 2 weeks and after dat is goin live for me. im getting kinda nervous if i cud catch up, worrying if i will b kicked out. so many things... ppl is having their mid 40's crisis n im having my early 20's crisis. wad a boomer huh~ bt to b frank, im scared to be alone.. im 22 this year.. changing so many jobs within my 4 years of working life, hoping here n thr frm kl to penang to kl and now back to penang. im getting sick and tired of the life im goin thru now. it seems i didn't really had time to breath other den caught up in work. i wish i was bek in college.. at least apart frm those assignments and exams, i dun have to get worried abt age, loosing jobs or even commitments.. my brain is totally crashed right now, juz like how a hard disk got crash.. i cant think of anything and all i can do right now is emo n emo n more emo... ppl are getting fed up with the attitude im having right now. parents are getting frustrated of looking at my sour pissed face and im getting tired of life.. i see friends who is still having honeymoon in schools and at least after thy graduate thy will onli b starting their working life probably ard 23/24 and yet i have started mine since im 18.. i feel more like a 25 right now rather den who i am supposed to feel.. that reali explains the mixed up feelings im having rite now..

lately i love to argue alot with my bf, i love to complain alot like an old woman, i love to brag abt stuffs, i love to do almost everything a mid 20's wud do.. i feel so old, felt so tied up in life.. i feel like crashing anytime bt i got no one thr for me.. if i wud have crashed, thr's no way i wud b able to stand up again.. if my parents are well to do enuff, i wudnt hav a problem.. bt thy arent.. i had to b strong, or forced to be strong.. i wan to b a kid again.. i wan to stay out of pressure.. i cant stand the pressure im goin thru now.. i am suffocating, i cant breath, im not happy.... i hate being emotional almost everyday or crying almost every nights or even wishing it was weekend again every weekdays. i hate crying everytime i blog.. i wish that there was sth happi dat i cud blog about.. i guess apart frm being in a rlship.. thrs nth happy to blog abt.. my life is juz so fucking sad. tho i hope so much to have sth happy to blog abt.. bt guess thr isn't..

i feel so much under pressure dat my head is goin to explode anytime soon. i hate it.. i totally hate it.. i hate giving ppl the impression that i am an attention seeker by posting all these fucking blogs abt how emo i am bt then i am not ok.. blog is sth close to me, sth dat i cud release my anger, frustration and emotion to.. this is my journal, this is me. if u hate looking at this kinda blogs, mayb u shud juz go sumwer else.. probably to some Bimbo's blog.. well i am definitely not a pretender or an attention seeker.. im juz being myself and writing abt sth dat i feel.

at least after blogging.. life still continue.. tmrw is still a working day.. nth changes.. except reminding myself i have a future to feed..

thanks hunz fr the comfort..yea probably im juz getting frustrated cuz after all these years of working i am still standing at the same place.. nt goin foward and yet ppl who is lack of experience is ahead of me with juz the reason thy have a paper on hand.. dengzz... sometimes i wonders if experience is important or not since ppl are alwiz looking if u have that paper on hand..

well, you can always take a break and study if you feel that owning a degree would boost up your confidence and status. i say experience is very important. degree is just a passport for you to enter into an organisation.the rest of your working life - it's all about working experience.

well, probably if i have the opportunity to go bek n get myself a degree in the future i will do so cuz society are all abt papers 1st n experience later.. malaysia might b vice versa bt not for other overseas companies.. =)