Short hops and hard knocks with Red Sox beat writer Ian Browne.

Soggy Fenway Friday

I’m very lucky to be in a window-enclosed press box tonight. It is positively disgusting out there.

Maybe the rain will cool off the Blue Jays. They’ve been special lately. Is it me, or do they catch fire every single year after they fall out of the pennant race?

The only way possible they can get back into the race is to sweep this weekend. And manager Cito Gaston is going with his next three starters — Burnett, Listch and Halladay — on three days rest.

Sounds like a bit of a reach, no?

Wondering what happens if the Red Sox and Rays tie for the AL East title? Unless the Red Sox sweep the series next week at the Trop, the Red Sox would be the Wild Card team under that scenario. Even if the Sox take two out of three in Tampa, they would finish 9-9 against the Rays. Then it would go to the next category: Divisional record. Thanks in large part to this team the Sox are playing tonight, they don’t have a good record in the AL East. The Rays would easily win that tiebreaker.

I have huge fascination with the Angels, and how this two-plus weeks of playing meaningless games will affect them.

Also, if the Red Sox enter the final week of the regular season trailing the Rays by two or so games, I expect them to start lining up their pitching and prioritizing that over winning the division. They were in the exact same situation in 2004 — winners of the wild card and two games behind the Yankees with seven to play — and they opted to get everything lined up.

It is their belief — and somewhat hard to argue — that having ducks in a row and everything lined up perfectly is more important than home-field advantage and first round opponent.

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The Blue Jays always get off to a poor start. I think Ian is dead on when he said the Jays play their best baseball when they drop out of the race. The pressure is off.

I think winning the division is important but not vital. Then again playing at Fenway is the best home field advantage in baseball. If Boston did win the division, they would face either Chicago or Minnesota in the rd. 1. I would call that a gift from the baseball gods if they had too play one of those teams. Boston would take them out in 3 or 4 games for sure.

One thing that is more important is getting players healthy and getting that rotation lined up. Beckett for game #1 and Lester for game #2. Personally I would rather have Byrd pitch game#3 but Francona will go with Dice-K. I think those free passes that Dice-K hands out will bit him in the playoffs.

Lowrie with a great job. Less than 2 outs and bringing in Bay from 3rd. Way too go Lowrie. Lugo would have struck out. LOL!!

A leadoff double by Rolen and he didn’t move an inch after that. Great job by Wakefield. Wakefield had one of his worst starts in his career his last time out in Texas. He is looking too bounce back tonight!

Speaking of Lowrie producing with RISP — the dreaded posting on Lugo’s comeback happened today (maybe earlier, I just noticed it) — I am going to have to route for another team if they bring him back into the starting line up — either that or I will be convinced the WWF owns MLB and everything is scripted to get you really worked up!!!!

I hope you guys remember Dragnet because I have come up with a great, terrific and hysterical storyline based on Dragnet. Enjoy and let your worries wash away. Please read…i worked hard on this one.

“Bahston. It’s a lovely city with teeming lights and beautiful sunsets. It has lots of things for a cah to drive around in. You’vah got Fenwah Pahk. You’ve got the Noath End and you’ve got the Constitution…but when you’ve got a murdah of a famous baseball managah…that’s whah I step in. My Name’s Fridah. I carrah a badge.”

Dragnet 2008 (da, da, dum dum)

“After dropping my terrible Boston accent, I showed up at the crime scene. My partner Gag-me showed up as well. We were both wearing grey suits and gray hair. We both smoked fifteen packs of cigarettes an hour and had chronic emphysema. “
“What have you got here Lieutenant 007Chow.”
We liked 007chow. He was a good detective that exercised two times a day and read self-help books while playing in a blues band on Thursday nights.
“Not good. Body’s been dead an hour. Strangulation and the lethal kind…not the kinky kind like I like. He’s dead Jim.”
I shook my head. He was strangled all right. Terry Francona and in his own clubhouse. Baseball wasn’t like before when men hit the field and played baseball and left murder for the off-season.
“Any clues?”
“Just one Friday. A major league blog. It was found on the manager with a death threat. You’ll have to interview all the participants one by one. Could take days. “
I knew that. I knew what it took to become a cop. I knew what it took become a cop and smoke and die of lung cancer. That was nothing knew.
“Thanks 007chow. We’ll get started.”
It was 8:15 am. It was early. We went into the home of Ellen. It was a small and quaint house but too many flowers and the neon sign that said “Casey” could be some sort of code. We knocked on the door.
“Hello?”
She stepped out in a blue dress and high heels. She had parts of a keyboard dusting the floor of the entrance. Obviously she took her computers seriously.
“We’re detectives investigating the murder of Terry Francona. We need to ask you some questions?”
“Who are you?”
“Friday?”
“It’s Thursday and I know that because I have an Early appointment.”
“It’sThursday and this is my partner Gagme.”
“Gagme…from 2007? The man who suckered the team into buying the biggest pile of crap that ever walked the baseball diamond. Nice to meet you.”
“Is that…a compliment?”
She nodded and that was enough for me.
“What is your name?” she said again to my face.
“Friday.”
“You won’t tell me till tomorrow?”
“It’s Friday.”
“It’s Thursday and I have an Early appointment and I hate being late for Early.”
“Who?”
“Not who…Early. I’m seeing Early.”
We were growing more and more confused by the moment. I needed a smoke.
“Late?” asked Gagme.
“Early, “ said Ellen.
“Friday, “I said.
“Look I have to see Dr. Early and I’m late for Early.”
“Mam…can we skip the Abbott and Costello Jokes and come in…and don’t say who’s on first and I’m detective Friday…OK. I’m not the day Friday and I get you’re seeing Dr. Early.”
We walked in after exchanging the entire ‘Who’s on First’ routine which we both laughed hysterically while still showing faces that never once broke a smile. I felt proud of myself.
“I see you have a lot of Casey posters…friend?”
I knew that was the question that would scare her. There were posters of Casey everywhere along with a dartboard with Lugo on it. She took her baseball seriously.
“No, “she said but it was enough panic to know she was lying.
“Where were you the night of the murder Ellen?”
“At home. I was shouting my roar to cheer on the team but it didn’t do any good. They still lost 15 – 0 because Papelbon gave up fourteen runs in the ninth because he can’t throw anything but a fastball down the plate but does Francona take the idiot take him out…no!”
I understood her frustration. In baseball there is the fastball, curveball, slider, changeup, knuckleball, two seam fastball, four seam fastball, changeup, forkball, cutter, splitter, screwball, sinker and palmball and yet most baseball pitchers refuse to learn and master all those pitches. It’s why I learned to hate baseball and take up fox hunting but that of course ended when my horse died of emphysema. That case is still being investigated.
She then sat down and changed her face and said, “of course…I would never murder the man for incompetence…but.”
“But what, “ I said without breaking a sweat.
“But…BosoxBrian…on the web said that Francona was making some bad calls…perhaps.”
We didn’t wait. After satisfying ourselves that Ellen was innocent and the fact I couldn’t take hearing all those Barbra Streisand songs in Russian we left the premises and went to our next interview…bosoxBrian.

Dead on about the Jays “spoiler” role year after year. They play their best baseball when they’re out of it. That’s good news if they do manage to crawl back into the wc race. If do, then they’ll promptly choke again and drop out of the picture.

I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE, I DO BELIEVE,

Dragnet continued — come up guys. Enjoy and read. I’m having fun with this and we have to find out the murderer (LOL)

It was 10:15 and 30 seconds in the am time period when we arrived at the ordinary home of BosoxBrain. Sure…it was an ordinary home but murder is ordinary too and can happen with an ordinary man in an ordinary home ordinarily but we’re cops and we make ordinal decisions…
“Joe!”
“What, “I asked my partner Gagme.
“Shut up!”
That was fine so I smoked a pack and then entered the door of BoSoxBrian. He was dressed in a regular suit covered in paperwork and statistics. He was wearing glasses and using a slide rule.
“Just a minute. I have finally deciphered string theory as a function of the multi-dimensional universe. That’s two more noble prizes for me for a total of seventeen. I love it.”
“I’m Friday.”
“It’s Thursday.”
I huffed my breath.
“My name is Joe Webb.”
I lied about the name but I was tired of the Abbott and Costello routine since the joke was used in the last blog entry.
“Is that…Gagme. The worst closer in the league…now a detective?”
Gagme didn’t appreciate the comment and shed tears under his breath. There were fifteen in all, some more dramatic than others with sporadic sniffling and an occasional gritting of teeth.
“Stop reporting on my crying Friday!”
“It’s Thursday, “said BosoxBrian.
We both said Shut up and then entered his place. Computers were everywhere along with satellites and technical documentation that was completely confusing to me but Gagme liked coloring in the numbers and that kept him occupied. He preferred violet and summer blue to tulip red but that was Gagme – always got to be the rebel.
“Have you heard about Terry Francona.”
Bosoxbrian paused and looked away as if the shock of a stomach punch and several rounds of machine gun fire together with a hand grenade and a thermal nuclear bomb had struck his body all at once, but he shrugged it off and looked away.
“Terry…Terry was great. To see him gone…there was a 52.4% chance of the Red Sox getting into the playoffs this year and a 22.9% chance of Lugo returning to the lineup and a 14.5% chance of Lugo returning next year.”
“That’s a lie, “I snapped to BosoxBrian. He and I both knew that Lugo had a 100% chance of returning next year and he knew it. I no longer trusted his glasses or pocket protector or his plaid shirt or his purple highwaters. No…there was something wrong here.
“Can I get the lemon yellow Friday?”
I wanted to strangle Gagme just then but handed him the fire red instead. He seemed O.K. about it.
“Listen…last time I heard…Arnie was sneaking in food to Terry Francona…”
“It was strangling, “I said and that seemed to relax him.
“Did you strangle him?”
“Strangle who?”
“Who’s on first, “interrupted Gagme.
“What’s a strangler!” shouted BosoxBrian.
I rolled my head and decided bosoxBrian was too excentric to be a murdered but who knew about Arnie. Yes that was my next step but I had to wonder – was what the murderer but then – who was what? Then I realized that I had spent too much time making bad puns. It was time to talk to Arnie.

Kramer,
I got a little curious and went over to the Yankee blog tonight. (Please forgive me Red Sox bloggers….I was bored) What a mess!!!!!!! No wonder you come over here. I think I would look for a new place to blog too if that was us. Holy cow!!!!!

I heard that there were rumors why Francona is no longer with us. It is believed that he was on the take, that George Sr had made several phone calls to him, and that the Yanks were looking to bring him over. Francona agreed and said that he would dump a few games but insisted that Lugo had to go over with him. It seems that some of the Sox got wind of the deal, and in order to make it look like Francona was living up to his part of the deal, knowing that Lugo was part of the deal and would be gone, that they decided to go to their part and that is the reason why we lost the two games to TB. It is strongly believed that both Papelbon and Timlin were involved. It is possible that Lugo also got wind of the deal and since he vowed that he would never leave the Sox it may be that he took Francona out. I think an investigation is in order.

CF04,
Yes Bombers Beat is quite the mess. Definately more intelligent basball discussion here! Right now on BB there are all sorts of newcomers taking their swings at a dead horse! The regulars keep posting the same negatives about players and management time after time after time. And that’s not the worst of it!!!

BTW, with the Phillies rained out, I wound up watching Wakefield master the Jays. Horray for the over 40 guys! And I love that he has a perpetual player option!
The more I compare Orsillo and Remy to other broadcast crews around MLB they’re getting better and better. I watched the Jays and White Sox last night and all they talked about were bad calls on low strikes and their own replays showed the balls were just under the lead knee.
Only one complaint: The Connecticut Lottery ads show a beard on the Yankee figurine and none on the Red Sox. That’s backwards, and it matched Wakefield!!!

Great story Dave. I used to watch Dragnet when I was a kid and honestly it was pretty boring. Your version is much better. Maybe you’re the next Steven Bochco eh? I’m so glad you didn’t pick MASH. Alan Alda gives me the creeps!

Well, another great strategic move by Francona, actually a bunch of good moves. First he puts Wakefield in to pitch 8 scoreless innings and then gets the lineup in to the umpiring crew with the Sox hitters in just the right order to score 7 clutch runs! And bringing in Delcarmen to pitch a perfect ninth—–GENIUS!!! It’s fabulous to have a good manager again! (Just joking around folks.)

Ellen, you are so right about not mixing fine spirits with anything. If you have the best quality you do not need those sweet mixers. Personally, even though I’m not a drinker, I like to taste the aged tequilas. Wonderful nuances of flavors! Smooooth!

I don’t know why you guys knock the Blue Jays.Did we not help you guys by taking 3 from the Twins 3 from the DEVILRAYS DEVILRAYS DEVILRAYS. 3 OUT OF 4 FROM THE WHITE SOX.We all know the odds of the Jays making the playoffs is slim to none so you all should be thanking us.

I agree we should cut Timlin some slack. How about cutting him and letting him go? I like Timlin and what he has done since joining the Red Sox. He was huge in 2004 and that should never be forgotten. His time has come and gone. The only time he should pitch is when Boston is winning big or getting killed. Why he came back this year made no sense. He got his 1,000th appearance last year and won another ring. He should have retired right after the parade. Also why did Theo even bring him back this year? I said it then, Timlin being back in 2008 was a foolish move! That being said Timlin has had a great career but his time is gone, like the H.R. balls he serves up!! I will say one good thing about Timlin, he loves the game and that is the only reason he came back this year. It certainly wasn’t for the $$$$. I am hoping he will retire when this season is over. I hope the season ends in late Oct. with another title and of course Timlin watching the playoffs like us the fans.

Quite true about the Jays given Boston big problems. Burnett always seems to pitch well against Boston. Litsch has been hot and cold against Boston in his young career. He certainly mowed them down a couple of weeks ago in Toronto. I assume it will be a split tomm. I’ll be very surprised if there is a sweep tomm.

Did you notice that Ian didnt let us close to breaking another blogging record!! I thike he is “skeered”, that we’ll bloe the thing up. I think the rest of the northeastern teams are weenies.. we got out game in and it was GOOD!!!!
We eont be able to watch the early game tomorrow, but I’ll check in during the morning and afternoon..
G’Night Nationers!! see you all in the (later)a.m.!!
IDO BELIEVE, IDO BELIEVE, IDO, IDO, IDO, IDO BELIEVE!!
(shhhh!! I do believe in TITO!!!!!!)

I was really only half-kidding about bringing Mike Timlin in to pitch the 9th. When he’s in a mop-up role, for some reason he’s really been quite effective this season–3 up and 3 down. Maybe it’s got something to do with the other team just going through the motions, but if you look at the times he’s been effective, it’s when they’re either winning by alot or losing by alot. But when’s he’s in a game-on-the-line situation though, it’s virtually always been a disaster this season. This is known in scientific circles as the “Gagne effect”, I believe.

The Cash 3-run homer may have taken the spotlight off of Tito. Was Papelbon warming up in the bullpen prior to the homer? I bet everyone was about to pounce if Tito brought in Papelbon in a non-save situation in the 9th, what with 3 more games to play in 2 days. But when Cash put the game totally out of reach, it then became obvious (even to Tito?) that the closer had to be preserved for more critical situations, surely yet to come this weekend. Papelbon has now had 3 days rest since his implosion, certainly he’s good for at least 2, maybe all 3 remaining games in the series (I, for one, would welcome 3 more Papelbon saves by Sunday night!)

Hey, sorry, I gotta stir up SOME controversy. Nothing much else happened tonight!

I understand that Timlin peak has come and gone but I also know that he is a memeber of the RedSox. I wonder what happens when Papi’s bat is silenced for good… I doubt very seriously if he will be subject to the wrath that Timlin gets.. That said I too agree that Timlin should probably retire after this year. And you are also corrcet I think regarding why he came back. Most of us are not lucky enough to be in a career that we truly love. It must be hard to let go of that. I guess it would be similar if we were asked to never root for the Sox again (only we dont get paid to do so). Maybe he’d be a great bull pen coach.

Having watched some lunatic commentators last evening, I have to resurrect a topic: MVP candidates on the Red Sox. What was beginning to be said was: well, since the Red Sox have 2 MVP candidates, they are likely to have their votes split and lose out. Give me a break — I understood when there was a head-and-shoulders candidate like A-Rod who was taking his team to the play-offs, that Papi and Manny would divide their MVP votes and allow A-Rod to receive the award. But this year — with Manny gone, Big Papi gone and the Sox struggling to keep their pitching staff healthy?

If the MVP is not going to a member of the Sox, who is it going to go to?

A member of the sub .500 Rangers or Tigers — how valuable to their teams have they really been? To A-Rod, who is having one of his least productive years of his past 10, and whose team is not going to the play-offs for the 1st year in forever — no slam intended on A-Rod, but how productive is that?

Or maybe Carlos Quentin..who has not played since September 1st, and is unlikely to play again this season…Jermaine Dye…well maybe..he does have 32 HR’s on a team that sits back and waits to score by dinger…but he only has 87 RBI’s, is hitting under .300, and is on a team that is sputtering in the stretch (4-6 over the last 10 games)…with them facing the Twinkies during the last week of September, they are likely to fold right out of the play-offs…Again, how valuable is that?

Justin Mourneau…IMHO…the only candidate who should even be on the ballot with Youk and Petey…23 HR’s 120 RBI’s…currently a .310 BA. But the Twinkies have 3 games left at TB and 3 with the White Sox…If they don’t make it to the play-offs (and only one Central Division team will, unless either the Sox or TB falls down, which neither seems likely to do at this point)…how valuable was he really?

Think about the value of Petey and Youk. Given all of the injuries, given Papi’s sub-par year, given the Manny-nanigans…where would the Sox be without either of these guys?…Youk is having a tremendous “stats” year…25 HR’s…100 RBI’s…320 BA, and he undoubtedly will win another Gold Glove this year at 1B (over hhhmmmm, whose the 1Bman for the Twinkies?). I grant that Petey doesn’t have traditional stats…but he looks like the batting champion this year, has 17 steals (only been caught once)…has scored 112 runs (the most in the AL and 2nd most in the majors behind some guy named Hanley Ramirez…now where have I heard that name before?[lol]), has the 4th most AB’s in the majors, 3rd most in the AL…will have 200+ hits before the year is over as well as a Gold Glove…and think about where the Sox would be without either of these 2 guys….Had he not gotten injured, I think JD would have received some serious consideration, but Youk and Petey have been pulling the wagon without him as well.

Sorry about the “Tito tirade” last night…There are just some things I feel strongly about, and he’s one of them…I recognize the thought basis behind overlooking him as a candidate for Manager of the Year…I recognize that Joe Madden sewed that award up 3 weeks ago…and that Cliff Lee keeps adding stitches to the Cy Young (imagine…he wasn’t even around last year when another Cleveburg pitcher…CC won it…and the town was anointing their future 1-2 punch as CC and Fausto Carmona…how quickly things can change!)

However, given what has happened in Beantown this year…there are no legitimate candidates for MVP beyond Youk and Petey…You want to give it to a traditional numbers guy…give it to Youk…You want to give it to the “little engine that could”…the guy who never says die…the guy who refuses to lose…then, the candidate is Petey.

GOOOOOOOOOO Bucks!!! I may demand that BosoxBrian drink Kamchatka Vodka after the Bucks pull the upset of the season. Boy, wouldn’t that be painful!!!(lol)

Arnie, glad you enjoyed the story. You’re up next with Detective Friday — so enjoy.

PART III – Arnie

12:15 pm and fifteen seconds. Arnie would prove to be the greatest criminal mind ever fashioned and yet we were unable to pin anything on him. It all started with a small appetizer of simple nan bread with a delicious cherry sauce and then it decayed into a delightful Indian curry dip with a tangy mango cream sauce. You would think he would stop there but he didn’t. There was the classic mango Lasse and Earl gray tea. Anytime we had a question there was more food. The chocolate chip pie and custard sauce barely was able to get into the tough belly of Gagme – who was gagging delightfully on the roasted duck with a special sauce that made Gagme pass out on the floor. It was no use.
“Arnie…you need to stop feeding me. “
I said but it was pointless. He shoved food in our face, dish after dish forcing continuous consumption and with the small fans blowing the scents in our face, even someone as tough as myself succumbed to its delights. In addition he kept writing all the recipies down. You should have seen Gagme. Everytime he revived himself he collapsed again with the 1942 Portuguese wine that drew him into its rapture. I felt almost shame and decided to quit smoking, Arnie’s food was better.
“You want more Mr. Friday?”
Arnie was average looking with a chef’s hat and muscles that could tear your arms off. He was tall at six feet and had a determined walk. That walk included delicious mouth-watering sushi and stir fried tempi. Did I also mention the bean curd home style and butter baked salmon with lemon sauce.
“Please Arnie. Let us go!”
I felt so weak and helpless in his presence.
“You can go anytime you want detectives but just know I had nothing to do with Mr. Francona’s death. However…Pangelotti has been coming up with a lot of conspiracy theories and he won’t serve you chocolate cream sauce over a delicately baked ginger bread served with butter beer. That’s your man Mr. Friday.”
I felt confident Arnie was correct. He wouldn’t serve us chocolate cream sauce over a delicately baked ginger bread served with butter beer and that alone gave my face a wave of disgust.
“What about Ellen?”
“A nice person, “said Arnie…but her ability to generate lemon creamed ice is just not there. I think she’s wonderful and always roots for the team. Always cheering “I do believe.”
I got up. I then looked at Arnie and said, “do you think she meant I do believe I murdered Terry Francona?”
His look felt confusing but then I settled with the raisin date oatmeal with fresh cinnamon stick and a small amount of cardamom. It distracted me again and I forgot what I was asking for. Arnie was far beyond anyone I had ever encountered. He was a master criminal…or was he just a master chief. I wasn’t sure.
“Listen…check out Pangelotti. I know it was him. I know it.”
We agreed and left, crunched over, gorged. We had filled the back with food and a portable refrigerator that Arnie let us have. It ran off the cigarette lighter and generated the power we needed to keep on eating. I knew we had to do more interviews and longer ones at Arnie’s every night at 6:00 pm until we got to the truth. I knew also that we had to bring our friends along and stay for a movie as well on Arnie’s 100 inch plasma TV with surround sound. Yes this was one dangerous criminal and we had to keep our eye on him at all times.

1st pitch @ 12:35 and I have to go to the grocery store (I’m making a slow cooker chili/potroast) for eats for the college games today and our game tonight..I figured that since we cant watch todays game I’ll put on gameday audio (weei) and clean house, do laundry and cook while I listen. I figure if I’m productive those Sox Boys will be too! …
Anyway, I’ll leave you with my mantra:
IDO BELIEVE, IDO BELIEVE, IDO, IDO, IDO, IDO BELIEVE!!!
LET’S GO REDSOX, LET’S GO!!!!! CLAP CLAP CLAP!!!

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