Thursday, October 05, 2006

Random High School Memory

My sophomore year of high school had recently begun when my school started making a big fuss about a special school assembly featuring a special guest speaker. The name of the special guest speaker was never mentioned but rumors that the person was famous begun to circulate. The day of the assembly came and the entire student body was called in to the auditorium. When the principal made his speech and announced the guest speaker everyone was left shocked and horrified. Our special guest speaker was none other than Steven Seagal. Sure he was once famous but I went to high school in the late 90’s, by then Steven Seagal was a washed up has-been. The crowd was not very receptive, I could hear some students behind me angrily jeering about how lame Steven ‘Seagull’ was.

As Steven took the stage, I could tell by his bloated demeanor and his slurred speech that this assembly was going to be priceless. His speech was one rambling mess of slurred inconsistencies. By the look on his face I could tell he did not want to be there and he kept making matters worse by trying to casually look down at his wristwatch to see how much time he had left. He talked about staying in school and saying no to drugs. He even threw in a few karate kicks to try to impress the apathetic crowd of students but his actions were futile as the only reaction he got from the students was a mix of awkward laughter.

I have to say the one and only highlight of the assembly was a hilarious mishap. Steven being the macho karate master he is, tried to show a young and rather wimpy male student a blocking technique but he miscalculated the students punch and ended up getting socked in the face. The crowd went wild with laughter and for a split second there I thought Steven was going to sock the student back but he didn’t. The student was quickly ushered off stage and the assembly ended shortly there after. My only regret is that I did not have a camera to record this hilarious event so that I could show you guys.

this makes me jealous. i don't have a high school memory that will ever match that. i love that steven segal movie where he keeps saying over and over "i'm just the cook". that kid is lucky that steven didn't kick him in his crotch, punch him in his throat and stomp on his windpipe. he's a badass!

Getflix, was it the hit man story. Someone trying to kill Segal? We should be so lucky.

Pix, excellent story. Ah, brought back such wonderful memories of the anonymity of sitting in the audience, jeering at the speaker, with not an ounce of guilt or remorse or ever thinking about it again. Ah, I miss those careless days.

Yeah, Seagal is a class A creepjob. Illustrated by him doing a PAID high school speaking tour. Pix, as you mention, it must have been pretty hilarious and annoying and boring to sit through a Seagal school assembly.

I haven't read the Vanity Fair article but IMDb news has numerous pieces on his alleged hiring of a shady P.I. to threaten an LA Times reporter from not reporting on a Seagal-Mafia connection by dumping a dead fish with a rose into the reporter's car. I kid you not. Search for Seagal's page on IMDb and click on the news articles link.