Women’s Marchers Name Michael Moore as Their Ideal Male

WASHINGTON – Michael Moore is just too good looking, too fit, too charming, and too smart for his own good. At the Women’s March to protest Donald Trump’s presidency in DC today, Moore was named “The Ideal Male” by millions of self-identifying females – most of whom admit that the stud is really the best they could ever hope to land, anyway.

“Look at the queso dripping from the corners of his mouth while he speaks to us! And he smells like pepperoni. He’s a dreamboat,” said Mitzi Larken, a protester from Tampa, Florida, who left her 11 cats at home to make the trip this weekend to the Capitol.

Tammie Waltrip, from Baltimore, said, “Michael’s perfect. I would never have to worry about having my p*ssy grabbed if he were my man. Plus, if I treated him like sh*t, I know he’d just cower and give in to my demands. That’s how all men should be.”

Many of the women in attendance said they just wish there was more of Michael to go around (which is just about impossible). A college lesbian said that it took she and two of her girlfriends joining hands around Moore just to be able to give him a hug.

Women marchers looked after Moore’s limo while he spoke to the angry crowd.

Waltrip added, “If you’ll notice, all of us here are angry, bitter, hateful, and want to make sure we can kill unborn babies anytime we want. Michael Moore is just like us, that’s why we love him so much.”