I'm 43, was married, 3 kids.... been divorced 8 years and thru many failed relationships. Sexual hangups, depression, addiction, low self worth...all the "stuff" that Im learning is par for course.Finally had to get to the core of "why?"these things have ruled my life.I was molested by older male cousins from age of 6 to about 14. Guess I buried and refused to give it any credit in my life for all these years. Now painfully realizing just how much of a negative impact it has had on my adult life.It's total BS that we've been robbed of so many things in life.

hey KJ it is b.s. for sure but the good news is that in facing it you can develop the power to overcome you are in good company here and it is a place where you are understood. just unwind and check out the site maybe chat a bit if MY experience is any indicator you will find a second home man. heal well Jeff

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Either I will find a way, or I will make one.Philip Sidney

It's indeed a difficult road you've traveled to be here. I'm familiar... I was sexually abused as a kid by an older male cousin. Others here share like experiences and have the compassion to help see you through the tough times and rejoice in the good ones, they do happen too! I wish you healing in all ways!

Gary / 1.healing

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"It's never too late to be what you might have been."

Breathe, my friend, and perhaps take things a little slower... It's very easy to become overwhelmed, especially in the beginning and without as much support as you may need in place. Sometimes there's a tendency to take it all on at once and at those times I remind myself that "Rome wasn't built in a day." neither did our abuse happen that quickly, it will take time to unravel and the healing you deserve will happen over time in stages, not all at once. For most of us here it's been worth the journey, particularly when weighing the alternatives. It was a very brave move to come here and post so soon, your poetry also, courageously expressed. You have what it takes to take on monsters, there are others here to help in those battles too. For now take this time to just get familiar and more comfortable here, including stepping back a comfortable distance when overwhelmed, but not altogether away, all the rest will follow as it needs too. And stay connected, it's the real key to recovery.

Gary / 1.healing

No need to push so hard as to push yourself away, take your time

Edited by 1.healing (08/26/1308:16 PM)Edit Reason: corrected text

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"It's never too late to be what you might have been."

I'm very sorry for what you experienced. I can relate to hiding your past. I kept my history of abuse secret for 40 years. While your story is unique to you, all of us here unfortunately share experiences related to the CSA. This is a safe place for you to tell your story, make friends, seek help, and, in general, receive support on your healing journey.

This is your path to a better life. Take it at your own pace and make the most of the resources here that can help you. Good luck.

Welcome to the club that no one wants to join: Middle-aged men who finally are coming to grips with having been sexually abused as boys. After years of denial, and letting the destruction overtake our lives, we want our lives BACK.

MS is just one piece, but a powerful piece it is. Being able to talk with others who have experienced the same things, felt the same feelings, thought the same thoughts, believed the same lies, can hugely healing. Don't leave out the therapy piece and having a support system of people close by if possible.

Be well my friend.

Jude

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I will remember youWill you remember me?Don't let your life pass you byWeep not for the memoriesSarah McLachlan

I am sorry you are here. But it is a place you can come and feel safe. It is difficult to face the past after years of burying the abuse.

Write what you feel, share what you are comfortable sharing and take care of yourself. It is a journey of lifetime--many ups and downs but in the end you will find some peace and begin to live the life you deserve.

Thanks to all for the encouraging posts. I am doing my best to slow my mind a bit. I spent the whole weekend online absorbing a ton of information.Im determined to move forward and begin the battle of regaining my self and healing.Again, thank you all. God Bless.KJ

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