this is the reality.........................the sad reality that other people never notice about it........

I love that moment, when you’re on a long ride, or listening to music or maybe reading and you completely zone out. You forget your troubles, and everyone around you. You focused on that one things, and that only one thing. You’re content, and everything seems peaceful.

A very short lesson I learned today; When a person laughs too much, even on stupid things, that person is sad deep inside. When a person sleeps a lot, that person is lonely. When a person cries on little things, that person is softhearted. These define me perfectly.

Sometimes, I feel that I have been there for people, but I have never feel appreciated. You know how sometimes people come to you only when they’re down or miserable? Yeah. It somehow shows me not all are worth my time and efforts. The point is, I wish people were there for me like how I was there for them. I’ve never been insincere in whatever I do for the ones I love. But. Does it hurt to show some appreciation and effort put in to make me happy as return? Oh right, I made myself look like a complete retard, making the people around me happy except myself. I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make others happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anybody else to feel like that. Behind these smiling faces, you can never know what I’m going through. I’m lonely, fuking lonely.

Have you ever feel like you’re the least important friend? They talk and laugh at something you don’t know and you have just to sit there smiling and be silent. Hoping you could be part of them. Sometimes they just walk without waiting for you. You were left out, and you’re the last person to know about something. It’s like there’s no difference if you’re there or not. And the worst part is you have to pretend like everything is okay. I hate being that awkward one in a group, I hate being the person who doesn’t get the inside jokes or the person who has to walk behind the group because there isn’t enough room on the sidewalk, when people have fun without me. I feel really invisible and un-included.

Actually I like to be left alone but when people don’t notice I’m absent, it hurts. And I know its my own fault for becoming invisible, for isolating myself but just once I want someone to notice, to truly notice and care. I feel the worst when I’m alone because that’s when the monsters in my head says hello.

I just can’t tell them why I’m like that because even I, don’t know the main reason. I have no reason, I just suddenly break down and cry and listen to sad musics. I feel like I’m going down, the people around don’t deserve me, I don’t deserve what I’m having right now. I have so many crying shoulders, but even though, I’m still breaking down. Then suddenly I think about what is wrong in my life, and I will have bucket full of tears, rolling on these cheeks.