bread (I used Silueta Sin Corteza “8 cereales y semillas” because I had some.) sobrassada cream cheese can of olives, preferably those green gazpatxo-flavored pitless ones butter bottle of whiskey (Cardhu was employed for this recipe; you are welcome to the swill of your choice.) 1. It’s hot. Try drinking the whiskey with [...]

1. Your rabbit may be purchased from one of the remaining animal stands on the Rambla dels Estudis. Salt can also be obtained on the Rambles or in Plaça Reial late at night—ask around. Half gram, €30 and a nimble frisking.
2. The Phoenicians mistook the rabbits they saw in Spain for hyraxes, deciding to call Spain I-Shapan-im or land of the hyraxes. This became the Latin Hispania.
3. I, too, have often been mistaken or misled or confused.
4. But we find solace where we can.
5. Grasp the bunny firmly by hind legs and head and pull the head back with a hard, sharp jerk.
6. Cut off the head.
7. Hang the remains upside down by one haunch over your sink from an Ikea hook to let the blood drain out.
8. Remove the forefeet.
9. Cut the skin around the rabbit’s hind ankles and then make a cut between these points across the lower part of the body. Remove the tail and peel the skin down and forward over the body. You are both dressing and undressing the rabbit and isn’t that neat.

10. Insert the knife blade by the throat and unzip the rabbit to its anus.
11. Reach into the body cavity, grasp at the windpipe and lungs, and pull out and down.
12. Holding the viscera, shake your tiny fists at the sky.
13. Bathe your rabbit thoroughly and pat it dry.
14. Remove the liver and the kidneys and the heart. Give the heart to your cats.
15. Detach the stumps of the front and hind legs, bone them and cube the meat.
16. Put the bacon, ground pork, botifarra, liver and kidneys into a food processor or chop them all up together.
17. Then put in the leg meat cubes and mix them in, more or less.
18. Salt and pepper. Taste.
19. Preheat the oven to 8.
20. Mix the onion, garlic, bay leaf and thyme in about 4 tablespoons of olive oil.
21. Rub the rabbit down with oil, inside and out, and stuff it with meat goo. You take things out, you put them back in again.
22. Put this in a large pan in the position that would have been face up with the onion mixture and pour Don Simon on it.
23. Roast it for 20 minutes, then turn it over and keep roasting for 45-55 minutes until clear juices seep out.
24. Put the rabbit on a platter and pour what’s in the pan through a sieve into a frying pan and heat it on medium low until it’s halved. Pour it on the rabbit.
25. Put on some lipstick.
26. Eat alone.

bottle of whiskey (Cardhu was employed for this recipe; you are welcome to the swill of your choice.)

1. It’s hot. Try drinking the whiskey with ice to be different. Pour yourself a nice big glass and sit down for a few minutes. Rest, let your thoughts wander. If you need to cry, cry. If you are angry, break something, however small. Then breathe. Breathe.
2. Ponder your hunger and an unwell, enfeebled tomorrow if you keep drinking on an empty stomach. Remember this morning? You should eat something.
3. Get up and walk to the fridge. Look inside for something that’s not going to take much effort. Begin to feel yet more dejected. “I don’t want to leave the piso. At all,” you think. “Besides, all that’s open is H3.” Don’t worry, hey! There’s two little containers of spreadable! Olives! And the supernatural bread that never molds!
4. Spread sobrassada on one slice of bread and cream cheese on another. Cut your olives into rings and spread them evenly but generously on the cream cheese side. Press together.
5. Light your stove and set it to low. Put a pan on it. Refresh your drink while you wait for the pan to heat.
6. Butter the outside of the sandwich.
7. Gently place your sandwich in the pan. Let it toast on one side for a minute or two and flip it. Repeat if necessary. You want the bread golden and crispy and the innards melty and gooey.
8. Remember to turn off the stove.