Coming-Out-Series (P1): 4 LGBT+ Things I Want To Be Represented In YA And General LGBT+ Rep Rant Ft. Internalised LGBT+phobia.

I’ve decided that I’m going to be doing a series of posts about LGBTQIA+ rep now that I have come out as queer on my blog because why the hell not, we need more talk about LGBTQIA+ rep and I WANT TO DO THAT BC I WANT TO HAVE A VOICE OK.

And why not do it RIGHT now when I should be revising okay i actually am on break from revision i just wanted to sound cool?

And bOy, I loved that post’s comments because there was SUCH a discussion BUT.

Not so long ago, I came out as queer (read here*) and idk. It’s just been BUGGING me because I’d said some things in the post that isn’t true concerning my own representation and there’s now this tremendous itch that I cannot get rid of, no matter if I scratch it with a lawnmower or a jaw of a shark because basically in that post I was like “oh I’m not diverse” when… ya… I am.

so this is what I wrote^^^^ it’s basically all a bunch of denial bs. go meeeee.

And I guess this denial(???) is really bugging me. UGRJKG. BECAUSE YES, I DO BELONG TO THE LGBTQIA+ COMMUNITY.

And when I think about the reasons that I said “nahhh I’m not” in the post, and the fact that I’ve tried to bottle it down like it can just “go away” for y e a r s, just makes me angry. SOFRICKINGANGRY.

B/c when I think about it the reason I denied it was because of this thing internalised homophobia/queerphobia(???) and the reason I had that is not because I am homophobic, it’s because I had (and still have) literally no help with accepting this about myself from society, and I live in a society that is still not fully accepting (tho where I live is better than some).

The minorities get drowned out by the sound of the majority and their loud, ignorant comments and it just. It’s not good for anything.

^^^^ by this, what I mean is: no matter how many people tell me it is okay for me to be queer/the label that I don’t know yet, there are always MORE people telling me that “no, it is not okay.”

Even though inside I know it is okay to be LGBTQIA+, there’s this THING telling me that IT’S NOT OKAY FOR YOU THOUGH. And that “THING” is society and jrngjnhkjr.

MORE NEEDS TO BE DONE ABOUT INTERNALISED PHOBIA. I think that it’s ridiculous how little it is spoken about because it is such a HORRIBLE thing and people are so unaware of it unless they experience it themselves, or they think that it’s strange that they can’t just accept themselves even though it is now (wrongly) so easy for people to be trodden down on and made to feel that they should change themselves.

[As you can guess, I’m pretty angry because today at school people were saying a tonne of homophobic shit and thinking that they could get away with it because no one in the room was openly LGBTQIA+ (which is just… WRONG ON ALL LEVELS) and I wanted to say something so bad but I knew that there would be no point because they would not listen no matter what I said.]

So here we are with an LGBTQIA+ REP LIST.

*SHAMELESS SHAMELESS SELF PROMO.

(I would list more, but we’d be here all day!!)

“healing the gay” trope *burns burns burns*

Can this be dead like 238 years ago? Cheers.

Like I just. I want this to just not exist because it’s not like being LGBTQIA+ means that there is something wrong with you. It just means that, guess what, you’re LGBTQIA+!!

The only time that I want to read this is when someone is being condemned for saying that they can “get rid of x-character’s “gayness”“ or that they can “turn x-character straight”.

I literally want to read about how that character burns. Slowly. Like a spit-roast kind of thing, or see them get ejected from a space craft… with no space-suit and get starved of oxygen until their eyes explode or something (can that actually happen???).

[about to make a point, brings out a chunky binder of FACKTKSKTS and WHACKS it down on the page *please turn to page THREE HUNDRED AND NINETY-FOUR.* **]

I think that this is so important??? SO many young people have this thing in their heads telling that it is not okay for them to be lgbtqia+ even though they are not homophobic!!

And internalised phobia is HARDLY DISCUSSED IN YA?? (if someone has a rec, please gimme!!) And I just ask why??? Like???

It’s such a relevant topic because…1) it needs to be acknowledged, 2) young adult readers need to know that it is not strange for them to feel that way (for example, I am not from a judging family.. yet I still am going through this in my dfkjg way)3)they need to know that it is not strange for them to need to come to terms with being lgbtqia+ (event tho.. that is it’s own discussion entirely. .. .) in their own time, not everyone is accepting of themsleves when it comes to all parts of themselves, esp when it comes to sexuality bc of the ingrained beliefs from society and grngrlgnglr anger 4)they need to know that they can talk about it with someone5) they need to know that they do not need to try and change themselves6) they need to be able to one day accept themselves for who they are and learn to be comfortable with who they are!! No one should have to feel like they are wrong, or meant to change!!

… And all this would not be able to happen without the rep!! Or just GENERAL LGBTQIA+ REP!!!

** JUST FELT LIKE THROWING IN THAT REFERENCE.

healthy smol relationships.

You have no idea how much I just want to read a book about two girls/boys/whatever-gender in love with each other and have it h e a l t h y.

Where there isn’t drama, and there isn’t any pettiness, and where they can have the same relationship dynamics that heterosexual characters would have.

It annoys me to no end how they’re always slightly different and maybe it’s just me seeing this?? but I feel like there’s always some kind of toxicity in the relationship, something ALWAYS COMES UP, and I just sit there reading and thinking “why can’t they be smol and happy????” idk maybe it’s just me imagining this.

(probs not, let’s be honest)

members of the LGBTQIA+ community supporting each other.

This is literally such a thing in real life. And I just want MORE. I cannot count how many wonderful, heart warming messages of support that I have recieved since coming out (not just from LGBTQIA+) and I just think that it would be great to have more of that in ya books.

There is so much GOODNESS in the community and THIS NEEDS TO BE IN BOOKS MORE.

I think that if I had had a book like that I would have found it easier to come to terms with this because I would have known that I could have spoken about it to someone before.

People need to know that there are people that they can talk to and that can help them!!

NOTE: not only support from LGBTQIA+!!

So that’s it??????? I hope that you enjoyed this post!! What LGBTQIA+ REP do you want?? What recs do you have that have great LGBTQIA+ rep? (Let me know!!) What do you think should be done to help with internalised LGBTQIA+-phobia? Just let me have all the RECSRECSRECSSS!!!!!!

I was totally ready to leave one of my huge comments but the more I read the less I wanted to say because all I need right now is: You are completely right. There.
[And now I’m going over to P2 and maybe leave a long-ass comment there, probably repeating you’re right again.]

THIS MADE ME LAUGH AND CRY because it’s so, so true. We need more representation. We need more rep of all forms, healthy rep that DOESN’t DAMAGE. Internalisation is so so awful and I want to read a book where that’s addressed and overcome or where a character accepts themselves for themselves, not because a “love interest” accepts them because THAT DOESN’t MAKE EVERYTHING OKAY. Thank you for this you genuine queen I LOVE THESE POSTS ❤

LU I LOVE THIS POST AND THIS NEW SERIES SO MUCH I CAN’T WAIT FOR NEW POSTS IN THIS SERIES AHHH

You’re so right though, all these things are so important! I feel like there are quite a few good, healthy m/m relationships in YA, but f/f are SO much harder to find? Like the first one I read (because let’s be real f/f books are hard to find in the first place?? I think it’s slowly changing but m/m is still more popular sdgbhj) was just,,, like I can deal with the insta-love and them having no chemistry or whatever but she lied to her girlfriend throughout most of the book?? Like?? And then in another f/f the girl cheated on her with a boy when she isn’t even into boys sbgjdbh *smashes head against the wall like Dobby* Queens of Geek is GREAT tho – I loved loved loved the bi rep and I just felt so represented? And the relationship was SO CUTE? Also can’t wait to read Leah on the Off Beat

Also I feel you on the internalised homophobia. My mom is very supportive and never made me think that she wouldn’t accept me, I live in Amsterdam which is a more acceptive place than others (there’s still a lot of problems of course) but I surpressed my bisexuality FOR YEARS and even now that I’ve been out for over a year and accepted my sexuality, I still encounter moments of homophobia and biphobia and I just sdkgfjdh It’s SO exhausting because I KNOW there’s nothing wrong with me and I know it’s okay to be LGTBQIAP+ but sometimes it just feels like it’s not okay for me and?? I just need society to not suck ok pls thanks
Again great post 💖💖💖

I KNOW. WHERE ARE THE F/F HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS????? okay those books you mentioned sound absolutely TRASH. Cheating on her girlfriend with a GUY when she’s not into guys? 1000% logic right there. Doesn’t anger me at all!!!!!

I’ve heard so much about Queens of Geek and now i need it even more. just to clarify: there’s an f/f relationship????????????????

leah on the off beat i NEED just because of the f/f rep!! i don’t really like leah that much, but I STILL WANT TO WITNESS THE REP.

I relate to the past part of your comment TO SUCH A HIGH LEVEL. I genuinely want to send you a hug BECAUSE I GET YOU. ❤ ❤

YES QUEENS OF GEEK HAS AN F/F RELATIONSHIP AND LU OMG IT’S SO CUTE AND GOOD AND JUST DAGJSH I LOVE IT SO MUCH

Yeah I wasn’t that fond of Leah in Simon vs either, but I love Becky Albertali, I trust her, I need that f/f rep, I need to see all my kids from the first book… So even though I didn’t like Leah that much I’m still super hyped for it lol

Ahhh I wish you didn’t relate though because feeling like that sucks. Sending you a hug back ❤❤

sOMEHOW I MISSED YOUR POST ABOUT YOU COMING OUT??? AHHH CONGRATULATIONS *very belated but i hope i am forgiven* Internalized lgbtqa+ phobia is seriously something i don’t see all that often as well and idk why?? SO MANY people part of the lgbtqa+ community have to go through the process of overcoming that little voice inside their head – and it doesn’t always go away. In a book i’ve been working on, my mc actually goes through this himself. his internalized biphobia stems from his parents mainly, but it’s there and although the book doesn’t focus on him and his journey trying to accept himself, it’s a huge part of the story. as someone not part of the lgbtqa+ community i hope i’m able to write this correctly. i’ll definitely be investing in own voices sensitivity readers once it gets to that point. Anyway, great post and I can’t wait for p2 of this series!!

I love this post and I definitely agree with all the things you want to see in books more. I will say I agree with you on wanted to see people accept themselves as LGBT+, but I’m not a massive fan of the whole internalized LGBT+ phobia. I dunno I just want to see characters who, even if they aren’t out, accept themselves. It’s one of the reasons I loved books like Simon Vs, Simon may not be out but he doesn’t have any conflict towards the fact that he is gay, it’s just who he is, and it was kind of refreshing to read. 🙂
Great post Lu, either way we definitely definitely need more diversity of this kind in YA books. 😀 ❤

And yeah I think that’s it’s really important to see people accept themselves, and yeah it is pretty controversial to want to see more about people and internalised phobia. I guess by that I mean, just have it discussed more in books, not have them suffer with it per se. I think that it just needs to be in the discussion a bit more 🙂

100% agree with this, especially more internalised homophobia rep, it’s something that so many – if not all – LGBTQA+ people go through, like, I didn’t even realise it was a thing even when I was (and to an extent still am) feeling so unhappy about myself because I didn’t know how to accept myself and my sexuality, it’s so hard to accept yourself but literally no one talks about internalised homophobia and we SHOULD. AHH. Great post 👍

I’m so glad that you agree this should be spoken about more, it’s so sad that it isn’t!! I’m so sorry that you’ve been going through this, and I hope that it gets better for you 💗 just know that you’re perfect the say you are and there’s nothing wrong with who you are 💗💗

GIRL YES. I’m so proud of you for the way you’re stepping up and spreading so much positivity- we need everything you mentioned, but what we need the most is people to talk and spread awareness about the LGBTQ+ community, because THERE.IS.NOTHING.WRONG.WITH.IT.

Homophobia at a place like school is the worst, because it’s the one place you hope people would accept you without treating people like a freak. I’m so proud of you and I hope you get support from all your friends and family❤️

I would also love to see more books featuring the queer community supporting each other. I really want more books about groups of queer friends, both because that is relevant to my own experiences as a queer person and because I think it’s good to see positive queer rep.

Omg yes QUEER FRIENDSHIPS!! I’d love to see people of the same sexuality being just friends too, and conquer the stereotypes (eg two lesbians in school are gonna be together JUST because they’re both LGBT+) because they’re so ridiculous!!

You’re amazing Lu! Sending you lots and lots of love and support! ❤️❤️❤️

And ugh, I’m so sorry you had to sit through your classmates homophobic shit. I don’t get how people think saying that sort of stuff is okay, whether or not there’s LGBTQIA+ people in the room. Ugh ugh ugh. People can really suck sometimes.

LU I LOVE THIS POST SO MUCH!!! I’ve been thinking of doing some queer-related posts (for Pride Month), but I think I might not do the personal things this soon (because I still know that some of my followers are homophobic and I also am afraid that people from my school will find my blog). but seeing this post makes me VERY HAPPY and I can’t wait to read the rest of this series!!!

and aaahhh yes. I think I dealt with a lot of ignorance despite not being homophobic, and I’m still working to abolish my ignorance about others in the queer community? but I never once struggled with internalized homophobia (just,,,, a LOT of questioning what my label was) — I think once I started to question, I just knew I wasn’t straight and had no problem accepting that, despite living in a conservative community. I’m so sorry you had to go through this, and it makes me so sad/frustrated (not at you!!) when you talked about denying your sexuality, but I’m so happy you’re learning to accept yourself now!!! 💕💕💕

and YESS I love all these representation wants (??). I think something important for me is the questioning part of sexuality, and I want to see it repped in books! however, I think that there should be MORE books about queer people just living their lives without struggling to come to terms with themselves. (both narratives are important of course, but I think we need books with queer people living just like allocishets.) ALSO!!! a very very good book that is close to my heart and deals with internalized homophobia is Autoboyography!! the internalized homophobia is because of religion (so I’m not sure it would exactly rep your experiences) but it still was so well-written and heartbreaking to read 💔

I agree with you 100%. I love that you are advocating for this 🙂 I come from a religious family and I try to tell them that there is nothing wrong with being LGBTQIA. Love is love, it shouldn’t be shamed because of someone’s outward opinion.