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HONEY & NUT BARS:

I used to be a morning person. An early riser? Haha, fuck no, but I was fairly cheerful and functional on waking. As a child it meant creeping out of a cosy bed to feed and cuddle my pony, Finn. That little porker didn’t like being made to wait for his chaff and hay, and I didn’t make him, not when he paid in muzzle-kisses. I managed to retain my morning vigour as a young nurse, even when shift-work required showing up at work in a civilised state at 7am. Despite the early rise, I could care for my patients without wanting to clamp their catheter, poke their sore wounds or administer punitive needles to faces. Now, after welcoming two small children, in the morning I am shouting at the sun “Why must you continue to rise you shining ball of shit!” I’m tired. I’m not ready to get out of bed. BUT! When I remember that there are Honey & Nut Bars waiting for me in the fridge, all of a sudden, it’s not all doom and gloom, and I no longer wish for the heart of our solar system’s untimely demise. These are so fucking easy, and such a treat.

Ingredients: makes 12 bars

1 cup peanut butter

4 tablespoons honey

2 teaspoon vanilla extract

a bees dick of salt

2 1/2 cups puffed rice (you’ll find this in the health food aisle of the supermarket)

Do it:

pop the peanut butter and honey in a saucepan and melt over a low heat

while it’s all warm and runny, stir in the puffed rice. Make sure you do this while the mixture is still warm, otherwise it will be like trying to stir corn through shit

grease a slice tin (about 20cm square) and line it with baking paper, then press the mixture in nice and flat. Whack it in the fridge for an hour, then it’ll be safe to pull out and slice into bars

keep the bars in the fridge and prepare for it to be eaten fast as fuck

Love from a giant dickbeetle,

Shannon x

P.S. This easy as fuck recipe is from my upcoming cookbook Shannon’s Kitchen: The Cookbook (healthy food you’ll actually fucking eat), which is dropping November 2017.

Well that seems weird as fuck. I use Mayver’s Smooth Peanut Butter. It starts to get slightly runny after only half a minute, and I only leave it over the heat for about a minute. If you leave it longer it will start to get too hot and make steam/lose moisture. Hope you try again and love it.