Grand Rapids Center for Mindfulnesshttps://grandrapidscenterformindfulness.com
🔅Mindfulness classes rooted in the realities of daily life 🔅More joy, less overwhelm 🔅Qualified teachers inspiring a more mindful Grand RapidsMon, 19 Nov 2018 16:01:48 +0000en-UShourly1https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.8https://grandrapidscenterformindfulness.com/wp-content/uploads/cropped-stencil.wordpress-32x32.jpgGrand Rapids Center for Mindfulnesshttps://grandrapidscenterformindfulness.com
3232Being Thankful Can Change Your Lifehttps://grandrapidscenterformindfulness.com/being-thankful-can-change-your-life/
Mon, 19 Nov 2018 16:00:06 +0000https://grandrapidscenterformindfulness.com/?p=7003Why I Started a Gratitude Practice
by Carol Hendershot
Three months ago, I started a gratitude practice. I know, it seems a bit late. I’ve been hearing how beneficial gratitude is for years but somehow I couldn’t quite buy into it. So, I just kept putting it off.
On August 17, I arrived at Cloud Mountain Retreat Center in the southern part of Washington State for a long-anticipated silent retreat. Cloud Mountain is in an amazingly beautiful setting in ...

by Carol Hendershot

Three months ago, I started a gratitude practice. I know, it seems a bit late. I’ve been hearing how beneficial gratitude is for years but somehow I couldn’t quite buy into it. So, I just kept putting it off.

On August 17, I arrived at Cloud Mountain Retreat Center in the southern part of Washington State for a long-anticipated silent retreat. Cloud Mountain is in an amazingly beautiful setting in the midst of a rainforest. Everything was covered in moss, and the big, abundant ferns made me even more excited to take hikes and climb up to the yoga space in a beautiful lodge with breathtaking views; I was in heaven.

To get settled in I had to climb up a steep hill while pulling a little red wagon filled with my luggage and bedding. I underestimated the steepness of the hill and the heaviness of the load and slipped on some stones about halfway up. As I hit the ground I heard a loud pop and felt a shooting pain racing from my left knee through my whole body. After a few minutes, I tried to get up but as soon as I got off the ground there was another sharp pain and down I went.

A female firefighter and a big burly guy got me back on my right foot and back to the main building. As my knee started to swell, it was quickly evident that I wasn’t going back up the hill or anywhere else.

I was terrified that my retreat was over. I had visions of trying to find a flight back and how much it was going to cost. I was pretty disappointed that nothing had worked out as I had wanted it to and I was feeling very sorry for myself. I couldn’t hike, do yoga, climb hills, do walking meditation or maybe even stay there. The longer I sat there counting the things I wasn’t going to be able to do, the more miserable I became. To say I was caught in a negative downward spiral would be underestimating the situation.

However, after a visit to the med center, a new pair of crutches, and an electric scooter, I determined that I wasn’t leaving. That was the beginning of my adventure into gratitude.

For the next two weeks, all I could do was meditate and watch my body heal. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never paid much attention to my body’s healing processes. In the past, I did my thing and my body did its thing and that was that. But this time, I could actually feel my body get stronger by the hour. I would go to sleep with big pillows between my knees and each morning there was less pain and more mobility and I didn’t do anything. Was this what being was like?

That was when I decided to give this gratitude thing a try. I mean, after all, some pretty interesting things were happening. During the day, in between bathroom breaks and meals, I not only became more intimate with my body but also with my mind. The constant chatter started to calm down and I began to experience a stillness I had never felt before. As I noticed the sense of ease and calm, I really did start to feel grateful for this experience. I then directed my gratitude to the fact that I was there with a teacher I’d wanted to study with for three years, and he was even more amazing than I had hoped. Leigh Brasington has been teaching deep states of concentration for many years, and here I was, in the right place, at the right time, with the right conditions to take advantage of his wisdom and skill in offering the teachings. My whole experience had been transformed and I’m pretty sure I would do it all over again, exactly the same way, knee and all.

Since I returned, I’ve been practicing gratitude every day. I write down all the big and small things that make my life rich and meaningful (just two or three a day), and the more I do this, the more rich and meaningful my life becomes.

Don’t wait to break a bone or tear a ligament in your knee to take advantage of this practice. It might just transform your life.

]]>5 Mindful Things to Do When You’re Feeling Bluehttps://grandrapidscenterformindfulness.com/5-mindful-things-to-do-when-youre-feeling-blue/
Wed, 03 Oct 2018 20:40:49 +0000http://grandrapidscenterformindfulness.com/?p=6828
Becoming the Author of Our Own Happiness
by Carol Hendershot
It seems like our happiness always lies just over the next hill; life just isn’t what we thought it would be. Mick Jagger once lamented, “I can’t get no satisfaction.”
We look for a new relationship, a better job, or something to buy or eat that will fill the void. Often, we get what we want only to realize that that wasn’t quite it, so we move on to the ...

Becoming the Author of Our Own Happiness

by Carol Hendershot

It seems like our happiness always lies just over the next hill; life just isn’t what we thought it would be. Mick Jagger once lamented, “I can’t get no satisfaction.”

We look for a new relationship, a better job, or something to buy or eat that will fill the void. Often, we get what we want only to realize that that wasn’t quite it, so we move on to the next thing, and then the next thing, and none of it is entirely satisfactory. Why is there always a gap between the way things are and the way we think they should be?

When we’re not getting our needs and wants satisfied, we’re often simultaneously faced with the opposite dilemma; we seem to be getting too much of what we don’t want: confusion, anxiety, anger, physical pain, or emotional pain. We “know” we would be happy if that painful stuff would just go away, but it won’t.

Rick Hansen, author of “Hardwiring Happiness” says, “We are Velcro for threats (the bad stuff) and Teflon for the good stuff. His solution is to look for the good; to reprogram our minds to recognize and savor the many beautiful moments in life, no matter how simple or subtle. In other words, to reprogram our brain for good.

This is where mindfulness comes in. Mindfulness is not a way to fix our problems, change the world, or even repair our own defects. Instead, it is a way to change our perspective. Through mindfulness, we begin to develop a new relationship with this crazy, delightful, sad, and poignant life.

Here’s a definition of mindfulness that I just love from James Baraz, founding teacher at Spirit Rock Meditation Center in California.

“Mindfulness is simply being aware of what is happening right now without wishing it were different; enjoying the pleasant without holding on when it changes (which it will); being with the unpleasant without fearing it will always be this way (which it won’t).”

Here are 5 Mindful things we can do to rewrite our perspective and become the authors of our own happiness:

Connect

Be mindful of the way you connect with family, friends, colleagues and neighbors. When you are with another person at home, work, school, or in the community, listen, speak from your heart and be fully present to the warmth and beauty of human relationships. Building these connections will support and enrich you every day.

Give Your Body What It Needs

Our bodies were designed to move, and they get cranky when they don’t. Discover a physical activity that gives you joy, one that suits your level of mobility and fitness. Play a game, go for a walk, garden, dance, or do yoga. Thoroughly savor the experience while you are doing it and take a moment afterward to notice how you feel.

Be Curious

The world is full of beautiful and amazing things. Notice the changing seasons, a butterfly resting on a flower outside your window, the colors of the food at the market, the taste of a fresh fall apple, the way the sun shines on your friend’s face, or the smell of that first cup of coffee.

Savor the moment, whether you are on a train, eating lunch or talking to friends. Be aware of the world around you and what you are feeling; discover what matters most to you.

Learn New Things

Human beings love novelty! Try something new. Rediscover an old interest. Sign up for that course. Take on a different responsibility at work. Fix a bike. Learn to play an instrument or how to cook your favorite food. Set a challenge you will enjoy achieving. Learning new things will not only make you more confident, they’re also fun to do!

Give

Do something nice for a friend or a stranger. Thank someone. Smile. Volunteer your time. Join a community group. Look out into the world, as well as in your own being. Noticing that you and your happiness are linked to the wider community can be incredibly rewarding and will create connections with the people around you.

]]>Falling in Love with Meditationhttps://grandrapidscenterformindfulness.com/falling-love-meditation/
Wed, 04 Apr 2018 18:36:58 +0000http://grandrapidscenterformindfulness.com/?p=5971by Carol Hendershot
“I meditate so that my mind can’t complicate my life.” Sri Chinmoy
When I realized that our theme this month was “Making Practice Enjoyable,” I felt a stab of fear. Communicating the joy of meditation to people who are just beginning to meditate felt really daunting.
Don’t get me wrong; I love meditation, once I get on my cushion. But, just like most meditators, or would be meditators, getting there is a challenge. I can always find ...

When I realized that our theme this month was “Making Practice Enjoyable,” I felt a stab of fear. Communicating the joy of meditation to people who are just beginning to meditate felt really daunting.

Don’t get me wrong; I love meditation, once I get on my cushion. But, just like most meditators, or would be meditators, getting there is a challenge. I can always find something else that needs to be done. Some compelling article to be read, some laundry to do, a class to prepare for… If you’ve ever tried to meditate, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

So, how can we “fall in love” with our practice enough to keep us coming back again and again?

First and foremost, remember your WHY! One of my favorite quotes that reflects why I meditate comes from Sri Chinmoy, “I meditate so that my mind can’t complicate my life.”

Download one of those meditation apps with a beautiful bell at the beginning and the end, so you don’t have to keep peeking to see if the time is up.

Start Small – The biggest mistake I think we all make is setting up grandiose expectations. “I’m going to sit for 45 minutes everyday without fail.” My suggestion is to decide what is reasonable and then cut it in half. So, if you think you can do 10 minutes every morning or evening without fail plan to do 5 instead. My guess is that it will start to feel so delicious you’ll want to stay longer. And, when you realize what’s happening in the rest of your day, you’ll even want to do more.

Woody Allen is famously quoted as saying, “80% of success is just showing up.” When you first sit down, take a moment to congratulate yourself on your success. Wow, you’ve arrived!

Start with kindness. Before you do anything else, take a few moments to reflect on your good qualities. That’s right, not the stuff that you think needs to be fixed, but the stuff you’re proud of, all the little things that make you, you!

Once you get that warm and fuzzy feeling going, offer some loving-kindness to someone that’s made a positive difference in your life or someone you love. This can even be your favorite pet.

Now that you are all primed, tune in…feel the sensations in your body as you breathe in and breathe out. Notice if it doesn’t actually feel like waves washing through your body. Stay as long as you like, savoring the sensations of your breath.

Take a moment at the end to offer some gratitude. Think of five little things in your life that make it easier. That first cup of tea or coffee, light bulbs, toothpaste, a good book, cozy socks…

]]>Overcoming the Wanting Mindhttps://grandrapidscenterformindfulness.com/overcoming-wanting-mind/
Sat, 20 Jan 2018 20:40:19 +0000http://grandrapidscenterformindfulness.com/?p=5736By Lynn Rossy, PhD
One of the most common statements I hear at the beginning of my mindful eating classes is “I can’t stop eating because it tastes so good even when I’m full.” My question is “Are you listening to your belly or to your mind?” After a short pause, I hear “From my mind!”
People get it. They can immediately recognize that we get different messages from our bellies (which register the amount of food we put in ...

One of the most common statements I hear at the beginning of my mindful eating classes is “I can’t stop eating because it tastes so good even when I’m full.” My question is “Are you listening to your belly or to your mind?” After a short pause, I hear “From my mind!”

People get it. They can immediately recognize that we get different messages from our bellies (which register the amount of food we put in it) than we do from our minds (which is almost constantly seeking pleasure). Our bellies don’t want to have too much food, no matter how tasty, and our mind wants more and more pleasure, even if it makes us sick!

The belly actually has great wisdom about when to stop, if we would listen to it. However, our mind tells us all kinds of things about why we should keep eating—“I’m never going to have it again,” “I’m already a failure, so I might as well keep eating,” “It tastes so good, I don’t want to stop.” The mind is never satisfied.

The wanting mind is clearly described in the Eastern teachings of Buddhism. The first noble truth says that we experience suffering in life. That’s pretty easy to acknowledge, yes? The second noble truth says the cause of suffering is craving, attachment, longing, and wanting. However, our happiness comes in the moments of not wanting, not trying to make anything different, non-clinging.

Let’s relate that to eating. When we want too much pleasure and comfort from food we end up eating more than we need, then we feel guilty about it, and then we eat more. And this happens over and over again. This definitely sounds like suffering to me.

But we can jump off the hamster wheel. We can recognize that we have this “wanting mind,” that it is never satiated, and we don’t have to let it be the decision-maker. Instead, we can pay attention to the wisdom of our body (particularly our bellies) and let it decide when it’s had enough based on actual fullness.

It helps when we know we can always have more later. When tasty food is not forbidden it doesn’t all need to be eaten in one sitting. As a result, after a few weeks of of practicing mindful eating, I hear over and over again how much easier it is to respect the wisdom of the body and much less food is needed to satisfy.

Five Ways of Skillfully Addressing the Wanting Mind

Mindfulness helps us to become aware of this wanting and protect ourselves against it. Try these tips:

LABEL IT. First we recognize when the wanting mind is present and we just name it. When we label the emotion we actually activate the left prefrontal cortex, quiet the limbic system, and calm the mind.

DO ONE ACTIVITY AT A TIME. Combating the pull of wanting means taking our time, not flitting from one activity to the next, and not doing several things at once. Instead we must act calmly and gently whenever possible; restoring ourselves with a dose of doing nothing. In particular, the next time you eat, “just eat.”

MEDITATE. Establish yourself in the present moment even for a short time. Feel your feet on the ground, your breath and your body, the weight of your hands. Ground yourself physically. Cultivate awareness so that you can see when you are caught in habitual states of mind. Through practice we begin to see the thoughts that catch us into obsessing, wanting, distracting and we come back to the present.

NOT NOW. We can tell the mind that’s wanting “Not now, later.” Noticing instead of indulging. You can actually begin to feel the relief that comes from not wanting. Wanting doesn’t last and we can surf the wave of wanting until we reach the shore.

GENEROSITY. One of the best methods for reducing craving and wanting is to practice giving. The act of generosity can be practiced in many ways—giving thanks, time, money, food, service, understanding. When our focus is on giving instead of wanting, happiness is available to us without external pleasures.

]]>A Season and Reason to Be Kindhttps://grandrapidscenterformindfulness.com/season-reason-kind/
Tue, 09 Jan 2018 16:33:31 +0000http://grandrapidscenterformindfulness.com/?page_id=5670Winter is the season of self-reflection and renewal. Many of us set intentions to move more, eat better, improve our time management, give more, or spend less money. In some aspect all of these are on my list of intentions for 2018.
Is being kinder to yourself on your list of intentions for the coming year? It’s made mine. I recently completed the Mindful Self Compassion program at Grand Rapids Center for Mindfulness. The concepts and practices of ...

Winter is the season of self-reflection and renewal. Many of us set intentions to move more, eat better, improve our time management, give more, or spend less money. In some aspect all of these are on my list of intentions for 2018.

Is being kinder to yourself on your list of intentions for the coming year? It’s made mine. I recently completed the Mindful Self Compassion program at Grand Rapids Center for Mindfulness. The concepts and practices of self-compassion are not new to me. My awareness of the ways in which I criticize myself continues to grow. Research shows the nicer I can be to myself, the easier it is to shift my behavior.

At times I struggle significantly with time management in part because I am very distractible. This struggle impacts many aspects of my life; not just getting to a destination on time, but meal preparation, my relationships and writing blog posts! Recently I have been extending kindness to myself by acknowledging; “of course I am distractible, I grew up in a home where distraction was a necessary coping mechanism.” When I see that I am distracted, I can gently redirect my attention back to the task at hand.

We have a much better chance of being successful with changing our eating habits and relationship with our body, when we extend some kindness to ourselves. In the course, Mindful Eating -Eat for Life, we practice how to cultivate a kind, loving relationship with food, thoughts, emotions and the body. In this non-diet approach to eating, we use a compassionate approach to re-learn our ability to use internal physical cues to guide what, when, and how much to eat.

A past participant said, “The Eat for Life series has been life-changing for me. This is really a class that teaches a path to well-being in mind, body, and spirit. The information is solid and practicable, and the mindfulness and self-compassion practices are impactful in ways that go beyond food and eating. I’m better able to appreciate and enjoy all that makes up my life as a result of experiencing this series.”

Another participant said the class should be a requirement for every woman.

“In this class I learned a multitude of practical tips and information to help me have a healthy eating lifestyle. In the past I have been on just about every fad diet that exists. The information presented in class is based on research and led by a registered dietitian. This class should be a requirement for women – young and old! It is life changing!”

In the program we teach the principles of intuitive eating and practice the basics of mindful eating. Through mindfulness practices you begin to know your own thoughts and feelings that interfere with eating in a mindful and intuitive manner. You also become aware of the barriers to being physically active and how to overcome them including being kind and gentle to yourself.

Are you ready to have a kind and loving relationship with food and your body? Begin this season of renewal with a gift that will give you joy for the rest of your life. The life skills that you learn in the Mindful Eating – Eat for Life class will continue to grow over time and support you in creating total well-being. Enjoy the food you eat, the body you inhabit, and the life you live.

Join us for this exciting journey. Classes begin Thursday January 18 at 6:30 pm at Energy Touch Center. Sign up now and get the Early Bird discount and register for the free information session January 11th at 6:30 pm at Energy Touch Center.

Lori Schermers is a Registered Dietitian and Certified Wellness Coach who helps people eat well, eat mindfully, and be healthy at any size. She is a Mindful Eating -Eat for Life Instructor at the Grand Rapids Center for Mindfulness.

]]>Start with Beginner’s Mindhttps://grandrapidscenterformindfulness.com/beginners-mind/
Sun, 31 Dec 2017 22:05:59 +0000http://grandrapidscenterformindfulness.com/?page_id=5650by Carol Hendershot
“To the beginner there are many possibilities, to the expert, few.” Shunryu Suzuki Roshi
It’s December 31 and I haven’t made even one New Year’s resolution yet. It’s not that haven’t thought about it, actually that’s all I’ve been thinking about today.
Some of the possible candidates have included: losing 5 pounds, sending out more thank you notes, going to bed earlier, doing yoga and meditation everyday, and not procrastinating, but nothing seems quite right.
I’m beginning ...

“To the beginner there are many possibilities, to the expert, few.” Shunryu Suzuki Roshi

It’s December 31 and I haven’t made even one New Year’s resolution yet. It’s not that haven’t thought about it, actually that’s all I’ve been thinking about today.

Some of the possible candidates have included: losing 5 pounds, sending out more thank you notes, going to bed earlier, doing yoga and meditation everyday, and not procrastinating, but nothing seems quite right.

I’m beginning to realize that when I focus my attention on what I want to change, what I want to change begins to define me. It takes my attention away from what is right here, right now, where I want it to be, and forces it into prescribed categories.

What I really want for this New Year is to leave my preconceived notions behind and enter the year with curiosity and openness. I want to enter the New Year open to all of its endless possibilities. I want to enter 2018 with Beginner’s Mind.

You probably know that snakes shed their skin, but did you know that they do that to grow. Their skin gives them a tough protective layer from a difficult outer world, but being so tough, it doesn’t grow with them. So, each year they have to climb out of their old skin and begin again. They become soft, tender and vulnerable until they grow new skin. . That’s what I want for the New Year, to be soft, vulnerable and able to grow.

What is Beginner’s Mind?

It’s dropping our expectations and preconceived ideas about something and seeing it for the very first time, just like a beginner. You know what that is like! You probably don’t remember the first time you saw a dog, a Christmas tree, or even snow, but I bet you can imagine the awe you felt. Or, the first time you tried to read or ride a bike, there may have been some confusion or even fear but there was also excitement and a world of possibility. That is Beginner’s Mind.

Benefits of Beginner’s Mind:

When we see things from a fresh perspective, we once again experience gratitude for all the beauty in our lives.

Curiosity and interest are fun! Beginner’s Mind helps us remember why we love and enjoy the things we do.

By unburdening us from our fixed mindsets and mental ruts, Beginner’s Mind helps us become more creative and spontaneous.

By relieving us of expectations, Beginner’s Mind frees us to experience greater excitement and anticipation.

There is enormous freedom in not knowing, and not having to know.

Having an innocent and open mind helps us to cultivate our natural intelligence and curiosity.

Beginner’s Mind improves our relationships by allowing us to see the people we care for, as they are now, not how they were yesterday or the day before.

Tips for cultivating Beginners Mind:

Slow down, give yourself the time to experience things from a fresh perspective.

Before you begin an activity notice your attitude and your expectations. See if you can consciously let them go, just for a little while.

Get curious; see if you can see from the eyes of your inner five year old. What would this look like if you had never seen it before?

See if you can let go of your need to ‘get it right’ or be seen as ‘the expert.’

Ask the question, “What is this really?”

I challenge you to consider stepping into 2018 with Beginner’s Mind.

“One’s destination is never a place but a new way of looking at things.” ~ Henry Miller

]]>Generosity Begins with Youhttps://grandrapidscenterformindfulness.com/generosity-begins/
Fri, 01 Dec 2017 20:58:59 +0000http://grandrapidscenterformindfulness.com/?page_id=5542By Patti Ward, M.Ed.
December can easily be seen as a month of great generosity. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary definition for ‘generosity’ is: the quality of being kind and generous. The meaning of ‘generous’ is to show a readiness to give more of something, as money or time, than is strictly necessary or expected. What’s your definition of generosity?
There is actually a “Science of Generosity Initiative” at the University of Notre Dame. In their research “a number of studies have demonstrated a relationship between ...

December can easily be seen as a month of great generosity. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary definition for ‘generosity’ is: the quality of being kind and generous. The meaning of ‘generous’ is to show a readiness to give more of something, as money or time, than is strictly necessary or expected. What’s your definition of generosity?

There is actually a “Science of Generosity Initiative” at the University of Notre Dame. In their research “a number of studies have demonstrated a relationship between generosity, happiness and well-being. They also discovered a seeming paradox; freely giving of oneself makes us ultimately richer than hanging on tightly to what we perceive as ours.”

In addition, we are fortunate to be a nation of many cultures. In December, we have many events to spread generosity.

Saint Nicholas Day (Christian)

Fiesta of Our Lady of Guadalupe (Mexican)

St. Lucia Day (Swedish)

Hanukkah (Jewish)

Christmas Day (Christian)

Three Kings Day/Epiphany (Christian)

Boxing Day (Australian, Canadian, English, Irish)

Kwanzaa (African American)

Omisoka (Japanese)

Yule (Pagan)

Others speak of generosity in terms of having an attitude of abundance versus a mind of scarcity and also sharing a non-attachment to the outcome.

During this month of ‘giving’ why would I suggest that we start by giving to ourselves first? For the same reason we start practicing mindfulness with ourselves first. Cheryl Blackington and I began our first Mindful Schools Teacher Training cohort in October. It begins with teachers’ learning/acquiring a mindfulness practice, during the second stage teachers’ learn/practice the Mindful Schools curriculum; the third stage supports a ‘community of practice’ (groups of people who share a concern or a passion for something they do and learn how to do it better as they interact regularly).

Teachers may want to be given the curriculum and just start teaching the well-designed lessons but what we have learned is that we need to have our well filled before we can pour any water from it. Our personal mindfulness practice creates the container from which the teaching may develop.

During this hectic, pressure filled month I hope you will find a few minutes during your day to fill your well. Perhaps beginning with self-acceptance for your limitations of time and money, that everything might not get done just as you had hoped, that everyone might not get the ‘perfect’ gift or say just the right things; that all your family members might not be there this year. Be generous and kind to yourself first, practice self-love, it will prime the pump and you just might be surprised at how generous and loving you will be within this shatteringly beautiful world we live in.

Patti has been teaching the Mindful Schools Curriculum since the spring of 2013. She has taught mindfulness in Preschool – 12th grades in both private and public school settings. She is currently facilitating teacher training utilizing the Mindful Schools curriculum.

]]>Mindful Mothering Moments (Mediocre, Marvelous and Miserable)https://grandrapidscenterformindfulness.com/mindful-mommy-moments/
Sat, 18 Nov 2017 18:12:53 +0000http://grandrapidscenterformindfulness.com/?page_id=5447
By Rachael Koeson,
Certified Hakomi Practitioner
My youngest is 3 and I am just beginning to have a regular sitting meditation practice. I have done lots of sitting meditation off and on through the years but it is incredibly hard to actually meditate in a formal, regular way while living the reality of family life.
For a long time I felt bad about myself for that, thinking that it was a flaw on my part. But there is so ...

My youngest is 3 and I am just beginning to have a regular sitting meditation practice. I have done lots of sitting meditation off and on through the years but it is incredibly hard to actually meditate in a formal, regular way while living the reality of family life.

For a long time I felt bad about myself for that, thinking that it was a flaw on my part. But there is so much more to it, like the reality that it is ridiculously hard to have a formal practice when you are with your children much of the time. And, when you are away from them you have to work or do errands or take a much-needed break. This reality is true for all mothers. This photograph of my friend nursing while on the toilet speaks strongly of the intensity of mothering, and whether you nurse(d) or not, you can understand the immensity involved in being a mother!

Let’s begin by giving yourself some self-compassion for not having the kind of meditation practice you think you should have. Because it is ok and you are enough just the way you are. If self-compassion does not come easily, check out the GRCFM’s Mindful Self-Compassion class for some helpful practices.

Then find some “Mindful Mommy Moments”. These are the moments that you can squeeze in literally one minute of mindfulness. Ideally start with neutral (or mediocre) moments that aren’t charged with emotion. These will depend on each person, but here are some ideas:

Getting out of bed

Feeding your baby

Sitting down on the toilet

Before you take your first bite

Washing the dishes

Watching your kids play

Taking a shower

Waiting in line

When I was overwhelmed with the immensity of parenting my first toddler, I put pieces of blue painting tape up all over the house. Whenever I saw one, I would take several deep breaths. If you can take 5-10 deep breaths and just feel your feet on the ground or the boundaries of your body you are being mindful. It counts. You are making space for yourself and your experience.

Once you have established those neutral moments of mindfulness perhaps, expand toward those marvelous moments, the moments when you are filled with joy or love or gratitude.

Some ideas here:

Giving your child a hug

Watching your children sleep

Noticing your children’s kindness

Feeling deeply connected to your child

Eventually you can include those miserable moments. It can be more difficult to be mindful during those, but it is just as important. Notice how the strong emotions feel in your body:

Where is your anger showing up?

What color is your sadness?

How does despair feel in your body?

Breathe into those places and allow yourself to feel those feelings. Bring in your observer self that you have been cultivating in your mediocre and marvelous mindful moments. See if you can stay present and mindful with challenging emotions as well. And if you can’t, return to self-compassion; because this is hard.

As Thich Nhat Hahn says in No Mud, No Lotus,

“Some say that suffering is only an illusion or that to live wisely we have to ‘transcend’ both joy and suffering. I say the opposite. The way to suffer well and be happy is to stay in touch with what is actually going on; in doing so, you will gain liberating insights into the true nature of suffering and joy.”

May you find a few moments in each day that you can be mindful in whatever way you can.

Rachael Koeson is a mother of two beautiful and intense people and a Certified Hakomi Practitioner. Through her practice, Making Space Hakomi, she sees individual clients and offers a Mindful Mothering Support Group. Hakomi is a mindfulness-based, body-centered form of assisted self-discovery. To learn more, visit her web page at www.makingspacehakomi.com

]]>My Journey to Mindful Parentinghttps://grandrapidscenterformindfulness.com/journey-mindful-parenting/
Tue, 24 Oct 2017 20:24:25 +0000http://grandrapidscenterformindfulness.com/?page_id=5367
by Cheryl Blackington
Imagine bringing mindfulness into your parenting journey. Imagine finding a source of peace and acceptance with yourself and your kids, even at the worst of times. Imagine being able to take a breath and pause before you react in an unhelpful way. Imagine developing a self-care ritual so you don’t feel so overwhelmed and so stressed. Parents have a huge impact on their children. Our kids watch us and model our actions, words, and emotions based ...

by Cheryl Blackington

Imagine bringing mindfulness into your parenting journey. Imagine finding a source of peace and acceptance with yourself and your kids, even at the worst of times. Imagine being able to take a breath and pause before you react in an unhelpful way. Imagine developing a self-care ritual so you don’t feel so overwhelmed and so stressed. Parents have a huge impact on their children. Our kids watch us and model our actions, words, and emotions based on how we conduct ourselves. It is not so much what you say, as what you do.

I was a single parent for most of my daughter’s life: divorced when she was three. I had a lot of strikes against me; I was quite young, had little family support, and limited money. What I did have going for me was a fierce love for my daughter.

I brought with me in my parenting journey an idealized notion of what it was like to be a parent. I imagined peaceful, beautiful times filled with laughter and love. I also brought with me my own childhood- growing up – baggage. Despite my good intentions, I was emotionally ill equipped to deal with the ups and downs of parenting.

I emerged into adulthood with the notion that I would not do what my parents did. I would do better. I would raise my daughter with more love and acceptance than I experienced. I held onto this intention as my guiding mantra. I chanted “I will do better, I will give my daughter a better life than I had. Isn’t that what all parents want for their children?”

I didn’t know what to do with my daughter’s strong emotions when they occurred. Or how to help and comfort myself or herself when I was feeling depressed and overwhelmed. When the teen years came, I wanted to be there for her, but I would find that I would easily get triggered and would say and do things that I later regretted.

My daughter is now grown up and a mother of two, and I still fiercely love her and my grandchildren! They are still the most important beings on this Earth to me (well besides my husband). So despite me, she grew into a wonderfully solid and creative woman, and a wonderful mother. I know that she also fiercely loves her children and that she would move mountains for them.

This is what we do as parents; we love our kids. We have our hopes, our dreams for them; our best intentions are pledged for them. But, we are often ill equipped to do this most important job of all. There is no training manual that arrives with the baby. No one prepares us for the sleepless nights, the worries, and all of the bumps on the road.

Mindfulness has made a profound impact on me and my entire family. As I continue my practice, I have become kinder, gentler and can see people around me with much more clarity. I can let go of my judgments and practice acceptance of what is. I feel a profound peace that I am okay and so are my loved ones. I can now see that the most profound thing I can do is to love them unconditionally and support them along life’s journey.

Remember mindfulness is not about perfection. We simply need to be present. Present for ourselves and for our children. We will make mistakes along the way, but we can always begin again. And again. And again.

]]>Give Your Mind A Place to Sithttps://grandrapidscenterformindfulness.com/give-mind-place-sit/
Tue, 24 Oct 2017 20:01:15 +0000http://grandrapidscenterformindfulness.com/?page_id=5360
By April Hadley, LLMSW
Who am I? Do people like me? Is my work good enough? Am I failing at being a parent? What if I don’t get that job? I know the rattling noise in my car is going to be a huge repair bill!
Can you relate to any of these thoughts?
There’s nothing wrong with you. In fact, with nothing to focus on, the brain will begin to search for potential threats in the environment. It ...

Who am I? Do people like me? Is my work good enough? Am I failing at being a parent? What if I don’t get that job? I know the rattling noise in my car is going to be a huge repair bill!

Can you relate to any of these thoughts?

There’s nothing wrong with you. In fact, with nothing to focus on, the brain will begin to search for potential threats in the environment. It is a mechanism designed to keep you safe, but it can leave you feeling like your mind is ricocheting out of control. When the mind is wandering here, there and everywhere, it is easy to become reactive. You may say things you regret, lose your temper or forget to follow through on commitments.

Good news! You can learn how to settle your mind.

Give Your Mind a Place to Sit

Rather than letting your mind wander, give it a place to “sit.”

Imagine you are sitting in a sturdy, comfortable chair. See yourself sitting in an upright and dignified manner. Feel the steadiness of the chair and how it helps your body feel steady.

The first part of mindfulness meditation is like sitting in a chair. Because your attention will naturally be pulled in a million directions, you need to give your mind a place to “sit.” The classic place for the attention to “sit” is the breath. When you focus on the breath, it is like sitting in a steady chair.

However, when you try to focus on the breath you will notice that it does not want to stay “seated.” Your attention will stand up and begin to chase after any number of thoughts – thoughts of the future and the past, a daydream, work left unfinished, a memory, a worry, a plan, etc. Rather than getting lost, remember you have a chair you can return to. A thought appears, you get up from your seat; you follow it for a moment, but this time you choose to sit back down and feel the breath once more.

Your mind may wander away from the breath many times. It’s okay. It takes time to teach your mind how to take a seat. Eventually it will get the idea and you will experience your mind’s ability to be calm and steady.

You can give your mind a place to sit other than the breath such as listening to sounds, giving your full attention to one task at a time, feeling your feet making contact with the floor as you walk or feeling your body sitting in an actual chair! The practice is the same; when you notice your attention has wandered away, invite your attention to sit back down.

Respond with Wisdom

A focused mind feels more pleasant and relaxed but don’t stop here! Use the stability and the steadiness of your “seated” mind in the service of wisdom and understanding.

Even though you have given the mind a place to sit, you will continue to feel the tug to get up and wander after a variety of thoughts, feelings, urges and actions. But now that you know how to stay seated, you can practice feeling the familiar tugs and pulls without actually getting up. You can stay seated with the breath and begin to gather vital information about what causes you to “get up” from your chair without actually getting up. You can choose to stay seated until a wise action becomes clear.

Let’s say you scheduled an appointment with a landscape designer for 4 pm on Monday. Monday arrives and before you know it, it is 5:30 pm and the designer has not shown up for the appointment. You could fire off an angry text or email demanding an explanation or you could choose to “sit” in your chair and feel your breath. You could choose to feel the tug of your angry thoughts and notice how they are trying to pull you out of the chair. You could decide to sit long enough to let the mind and emotions settle. You may still end up sending a text or email that asks for an explanation but when you learn how to settle the mind first, you will begin to respond from a place of wisdom and clarity.

“Just go into the room and put one chair in the center. Take the seat in the center of the room, open the doors and the windows, and see who comes to visit. You will witness all kinds of scenes and actors, all kinds of temptations and stories, everything imaginable. Your only job is to stay in your seat. You will see it all arise and pass, and out of this, wisdom and understanding will come.” Achaan Chah