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Wednesday, October 21, 2009

You're Sticking that WHERE?

I had another odd experience at the hospital today. I have O-negative blood, which meant my doctor recommended I get the RhoGAM shot to protect little Tator Tot against any rH anti-bodies I might be producing. (Or to protect me. I forget.)

I got to the hospital at 7 am, which is, quite honestly, way too freaking early. I left my house when it was still dark out, for Pete’s sake. I waited maybe 30 minutes in the outpatient services center for paperwork, and then was escorted to the lab.

WHERE THEY DREW BLOOD. Funny how I thought I was just getting a shot. I had absolutely no idea I was going to have to give a vial of blood. Not exactly how I wanted to start the MORNING OF MY ANNIVERSARY.

I gave the technician my little intro about how I tend to faint, have tiny veins, and am generally a huge queasy baby when it comes to blood and needles. She was very understanding, which I certainly appreciate. I can’t imagine it’s too easy dealing with a 24-year-old pregnant woman who looks as if she might bolt for the door at any time.

She couldn’t find my vein in my left arm, but was able to find a tiny little vein in my right arm. As she went to go get the “baby needle” (her words, not mine!), I started to feel the queasiness set in. Fantastic.

Blood was drawn, and now I felt like crap. Overheated, dizzy, dry mouth, the whole shebang. The technician (and why, by the way, do I always have these little bitty technicians? When I say, “I’m likely to faint,” they should automatically bring in the chick who spends too much time lifting weights. I’m just sayin’.) Sorry, lost my train of thought. I’m on a whole different track now.

Anyway.

The technician and another girl in the lab escort me to a bed to lie down while I drink what was quite possibly the most disgusting cup of OJ I’ve ever experienced. After about ten minutes, I am feeling much better, thank you very much. And I didn’t even faint! Yay me!

I’m instructed to go up to Labor & Delivery, where they will administer the shot. (Oh, did you think this story was over? We’re just getting to the best part!) Waited for about 25 minutes. At this point, it’s 8:20, and I’m starting to get a little irritated at all the time I’ve spent in this hospital this morning. Especially as I ate breakfast at 6:30 and didn’t bring a snack with me. Or gum. All I can taste is that nasty OJ.

I finally get called back, take a seat, and get my blood pressure taken. (Still excellent, by the way.)

Then I begin to pull my arm out of my sleeve. Because that is what you do when you get a shot, right?

Wrong.

The tech gives me this sort-of “sorry I have to do this” smile, and says, “Actually, I’m going to need a butt cheek.”

Those are her EXACT WORDS. No joke.

I think I muttered, “Uh, what?”

“You can just lean over that table there. Since it’s such a large shot, we give it in the largest muscle possible.”

Seriously.

At this point, I erupt in nervous giggles. I just keep saying I’m sorry, and that this is so awkward, and a bunch of other random mutterings.

As if the embarrassment wasn’t enough, the shot HURT. Now I know why they don’t do it in the arm.

I do realize that in two and a half months, I’m going to be much more exposed in front of many more people as I give birth, but I am expecting that.

I was not expecting to have to drop my drawers for a shot. Interesting morning, to say the least.

(Reading this back to myself, I think I may be prone to exaggeration. Maybe.)