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Thursday, January 17, 2013

This, Iiiiis Jeopardy!

Honesty time. I tried out for Jeopardy once. Two years ago. I didn't make it, but it's ok. I'm not bitter about it. Ok, maybe I'm a little bitter. Anyways, Jeopardy! is my favorite game show. I watch it daily at 4:30. And when I saw watch, I mean I participate like I'm actually a contestant. All I'm missing is a contestant buzzer. But, during the commercial breaks and the categories I don't care/know nothing about, a few things run through my mind:

-I always dominate the television categories (duh).

-Why don't people don't risk everything on Final Jeopardy! Go big or go home people.

Family Reunion

-I'm pretty sure Alex Trebek ages at a quarter of the rate that humans normally do.

-That means that Alex Trebek is actually an alien superhuman (and grandfather/creator of Watson the Supercomputer).

-Which also makes Alex Trebek's mustache a beacon that detached and was sent back to his home planet. It has yet to return.

-People know way too much about 8th century world history.

-I feel superior for a quick moment when the contestants stumble on the common knowledge, pop culture categories.

-Why is there a kid's tournament. 12 year olds should not be that smart. Go play some Mario or go outside. The sun won't hurt you. I promise.

-I am definitely not the target demographic for Jeopardy because I do not care about Aleve and their sponsoring of 2nd and 3rd place prizes.

-Anytime there's a clue about a book that I don't know the response to, I answer with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

-Thanks to Mrs. Winegar's 5th grade history class, I always have the answers to State Capital categories.

What is chili dog?

-I wish Burt Reynolds was a regular on the show. But only if it's actually Norm Macdonald. And he wears that hat.

-If I were actually on Jeopardy! I would constantly forget to say my response in the form of a question.

-I constantly think of random, awkward stories that I could share with Alex Trebek during the commercial breaks.

-If I ever meet Alex Trebek, I will call him Alex Trebek. Not Alex, not Mr. Trebek,