Cornwall councillor to apologise forever for everything

A West Country councillor has confirmed today that he will continue to apologise for everything that has ever happened, will happen or is about to happen from now until the day he dies, which if frittering Facebook trolls get their way could be a week next Tuesday.

Councillor Brewer’s first apology came after he confirmed details of the new proposed policy by Cornwall County Council on the mass annihilation of severely disabled children, making him as unpopular as mass homicidal maniac and communist dictator Pol Pot but still only slightly less unpopular than Adolf Hitler. After calm and considered feedback from constituency members Mr Brewer apologised and admitted that in hindsight it wasn’t a vote winner.

Speaking from his new home in Coventry the Councillor confirmed his apology with an apologetic statement “This morning I would like to apologise for everything I have said but also the first and second world war, strong easterly winds, Chris Moyles and British Amritsar massacre of 1919”

A Facebook group that now has more members than people who ‘ liked’ strawberry flavoured Angel Delight are calling for his resignation or death, whichever comes first, they’re not really bothered. One member said “Personally I will only be satisfied with ritual Seppuku on live regional news, probably between a feature on rollerblading policemen and the creation of a new type of cheese or something”.

It is expected the Councillor will tomorrow apologise for the horsemeat scandal, the total destruction of the city of Pompeii circa AD 79 and the One Show.