For years I held out hope, maybe THIS will be the year he will try a bite of stuffing! Maybe THIS will be the year, family members won’t nag him to “try it”. Maybe THIS will be the year the stares and whispers of why I bring Velveeta Shells and Cheese and let him eat THAT will be stifled. Maybe THIS will be the Thanksgiving my son feels comfortable and welcome. Maybe THIS will be the year, friends and family can hold the “but”.

It’s funny, I gave up on THIS being THE year, years ago, because I accept and understand my son, but, we all have those family members who think that maybe THIS year things will be different, which translates to, HE will be different. If you have one of those family members, feel free to print this out and put it on the table as a sort of placecard for guests.

THIS Thanksgiving won’t be any different than last year because:

1. He still has autism.

2. He has made great strides in sooo.. many areas and we are sooo... proud of him, but, his diet isn’t one of those area.

3. He still has autism.

4. He may now wear khaki pants instead of fleece pants to the Thanksgiving table, but, he still is not putting wet, soggy stuffing in his mouth. Nope, didn’t happen last year, isn’t going to happen this year.

5. He still has autism.

6. I know his diet isn’t great, he knows his diet isn’t great, but, what his brain knows and what his body feels don’t match, and your pumpkin pie isn’t going to sway that connection.

7. He still has autism.

8. We are so proud of all that he has accomplished, both academically and musically this past year, and we know you are too, but, making District Chorus and getting a B in College Prep English won’t make your mashed potatoes any less lumpy to him.

9. He still has autism.

10. Can you believe he went to the Homecoming Dance this year and danced with friends and stayed over an hour?!! Wow, right? Yeah, he has made some gains socially, but, he still isn’t eating “even just a tiny bite” of that turkey.

11. He still has autism.

12. I’m thrilled he filled you in on the upcoming musical he is a part of and I LOVE how grateful you are for getting him to chat with you for a few seconds, but, his sensory system is still so sensitive to different food textures that his taste buds think your cranberry sauce will kill him.

13. He still has autism.

14. I love that you see how hard he is working, how much he has grown and in sooo…many areas, so this year, how about just commenting on all of that, praising him on all he has accomplished so he and I can hold the buts because…

15. He still has autism.

Ryan had autism when he was a picky toddler and he has autism as a teenager and is still just as "picky" when it comes to eating. He is not trying to be difficult, he is not "spoiled", he is autistic and his taste buds don't "feel" food the way yours and mine do.

​Some day, my son may try a bite of turkey, some day he may think that the pumpkin pie tastes as good as it smells, but, that will be on his terms if, and when, he is ready. So, I would love it if THIS is the Thanksgiving YOU change so my son doesn't feel like his progress is diminished by the "buts" while you pass him the rolls because he will absolutely eat one of those, no buts about it.

Ryan will carve a pumpkin, but, there isn't anyway he is going to eat a pumpkin.

“I don’t want love” said, Shaun Murphy in this week’s episode of The Good Doctor, and of course to a mother loving a teenage son with autism, it felt like Cupid just died.

First of all, I know Ryan is not Shaun Murphy and Shaun Murphy does not, and can not, represent every individual who falls somewhere on the autism spectrum, but, for this mom, hearing a young autistic man (albeit a fictitious autistic man) say those words hurt as much as they did when I obsessed over the words "love" and "autism" all those years ago.

I swear it took like 30 seconds after I heard, "your son has autism” for the big questions to begin. Oh my God, what if he never gets married? What if he never finds love? What if after I’m gone he is alone? Thanks to The Good Doctor, those questions went running like a freight train through my head again this week. Then of course, the biggest question of all, why the hell do I watch this sh** when my kid is living it…sort of.

I have to admit, whether it’s The Good Doctor, Atypical or Parenthood, although I like that autism is at least being portrayed on television (even though some critics do not think autism is being portrayed well or by the right people, but, that’s another blog), I sometimes wonder why I put myself through it. Why do I watch Dr. Shaun Murphy struggle to understand sarcasm and jokes? Why do I watch others mock him and look down on him because they don’t understand him? Why do I watch Dr. Shaun Murphy crawl into bed in a lonely, barren apartment and struggle to sleep because his kitchen faucet is dripping? Why…because in many aspects, I am just as clueless about autism as Dr. Shaun Murphy’s colleagues.

I will never understand why the touch of paper to Ryan feels so bothersome. I will never know how hard he has to work to process a typical conversation so he knows how to respond. I will never understand the degree of anxiey a change in routine causes him. And although the question has plagued me for years, I may never truly know how Ryan feels about love, marriage and fatherhood. And yes, I know watching a fictitious character on television may not explain how my Ryan feels, but, it does give me insight that I may not ever get from my son.

I’m not autistic, but, I can’t imagine that anyone, autism or not, does not want love. Of course, I can't know that for sure. What I think is important to remember is whether it’s Dr. Shaun Murphy or my son Ryan, love looks different for everyone. Dr. Shaun Murphy looks at his attending physician planning a wedding and sees that as love, but, the love he had for his bunny and his brother was no less than the love a man has for a woman. I think we all love people differently. We don’t love our parents the way we love our children. We don’t love our spouses the way we love our friends, but, our love for each group is not less, it’s different. So who is to say that the way an individual with autism shows love or feels love is any less than any neurotypical individual? I don’t believe for a second it is and neither should you.

Whether or not Dr. Shaun Murphy or my son Ryan want love and find love is yet to be determined, but, what this mom has to remember, is that if Ryan chooses love, how he expresses his love and his emotions may look different than mine or yours, but, they are never, ever less.

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Definition of Awe:"a mixed emotion of reverence, respect, dread and wonder inspired by authority, genius, great beauty, sublimity or might." Yep, someone should have consulted a mom before spelling AWEtis﻿m.