Monday, March 14, 2016

Boy No 2!

I was so sure we were having a girl but we recently found out that we are having another boy. My husband admonished me at the ultrasound when I accidentally uttered "damn" and asked for the sonographer to double-check (in fact three times by two different doctors we were told "oh, that's definitely a boy!"). Perhaps I was disappointed for a second, having already named a girl and always imagining I would have a girl (probably stemming from the fact that my family is comprised of virtually all girls) but I am excited to have another boy. After all, I'm not a girl's girl, most of my friends have always been boys and I like the fact that my son will have a brother (and one that is very close to him in age at that). Perhaps if we have number three, we may get a girl, but everyone tells me that if you try for a third to get the sex you didn't get, you will invariably end up with three of the same (albeit even in my small pool of friends I know of two couples which had the coveted switch with number three). Considering how insane it is having just one even after developing a rhythm wherein we split the work (for instance our bedtime routine is that I prepare the room, PJs, medicine and bottle while hubby gives our son a bath), we may find two overwhelming and never get to three. Certainly neither of us ever started with the aim of having football teams and if we do get to three, that would most definitely be a stop for us.

The patriarchal current in our society remains strong (for instance in the continued misogynist myths that women carrying girls lose their beauty and other such blatant crap), particularly among the older generations. When the great grandmothers for instance found out I was having another boy (both of which had a boy and then a girl), they awarded me with a knowing smile as if I has somehow achieved a fine result. The more sons, the better their ebullient smiles shouted out. Wink, wink.

Since we had such Homeric arguments respecting names with our son, whose name, Luca, we both adore, we decided the subject of names was best approached after we found out the sex. Now that we have and it's another boy, the name game becomes a more treacherous path to tread. We already have the name we most preferred after a major scout (and many a shout) and we don't want to rummage through unsuccessful runners up to beat out a name that's merely second best. So we have to expand our search...

I already feel I have let down boy 2. Throughout my first pregnancy, albeit there was a lot happening (my practice, including a multi-plaintiff federal litigation, my novel, house hunting etc) my main focus was on my son and my pregnancy. This time round, my main focus continues to be my first son. Even when I try to connect with my the son I'm currently carrying, for instance during prenatal yoga when the mother instinct is turned up full blast, I can't help but think of Luca. It helps now that I feel No 2's fluttering and I can't wait for the kicks to roll out. Hopefully I'll feel more connected then.

I worry that this may be a sign of favouritism and that Luca will always be my prime focus, but knowing how much more I loved Luca when he was born from when I was merely carrying him, I suppose it all evens out when Baby No2 graces us with his presence in July.

One of the first things that everyone has said when they've found out we're having another boy is that at least we won't have to go out and buy another full wardrobe and that it would be easier for them to share a room. The economics make sense. However, even if it were a girl, I wanted to dress her up mostly in Luca's clothes, albeit I was already eyeing some offensively hot pink numbers that I couldn't wait to bundle my supposed girl in. I can satisfy this urge by spoiling the hell out of my goddaughter, albeit her parents may be none too impressed...I've sauntered off topic again... as an only child, I'm not sure what it's like to have siblings, nor what it's like for parents to have divided attention. Does the second kid feel left out? Does the second kid resent hand-me-downs? I suppose when they are so small they can't comprehend it anyway and cannot care, but I remain suspicious of the subconscious effect...and I worry that I love my son so much that I could not possibly love someone as much as him. The wise words of mothers with more than one kid tell me to calm down and I suppose it does all come naturally.