Morrissey memoir too late for Nobel Prize for Literature

Singer Morrissey is reported 'down in the dumps' after he failed to win the 2013 Nobel Prize for Literature after being pipped at the post by Canadian short story writer Alice Munro.

'Because this fine author delayed the publication of his masterpiece 'Autobiography' in a dispute with Penguin, we had no choice but to give the prize to a Canadian woman,' a spokesman for the Nobel committee said in Stockholm. 'Quite honestly, we're all miserable now about it.'

'Autobiography' will be in the shops as a Penguin Classic on 17 October. The Samaritans say they are ready to deal with an expected unprecedented upsurge in cries for help from readers of the book.