Crimes Committed by Strong Bad

From Homestar Runner Wiki

Over the course of the Homestar Runner body of work Strong Bad has committed several crimes and misdemeanors. He often operates alone in his criminal acts, but is also frequently aided by either The Cheat, Strong Mad, or both. Oftentimes, he also gets help from Bubs, albeit more subtly. He has been punished or caught while committing several crimes, and as a result has spent some time in jail. Strong Bad's criminal repertoire is long and diverse, ranging from petty misdemeanors, such as prank calls, to major crimes, including kidnapping, extortion and attempted murder.

Email 50 emails — Through a one-sided phone conversation, it is heavily implied that Strong Bad will receive $50 in exchange for leaving a key to his house underneath the mat in order for an unknown person to take (and presumably sell) Strong Sad's feet.

Email bike thief — Strong Bad sends a secret message to anyone wanting to steal the bike of the person who emailed him, offering up advice on how to commit the crime in exchange for splitting the profits "fitty-fitty".

Email buried — Strong Bad rents out Strong Badia to unsavory characters (especially if not exclusively Bubs), allowing them to bury various types of criminal evidence, including toxic waste and a dead body.

Email your friends — Strong Bad inflicts pain on, or tortures all of the main characters (except The Poopsmith) in some contemptuous way, most of which simply involves hitting them with his foot or another object.

Email mascot — It is implied that Strong Bad tricked Homestar into getting beat in the knees with a golf club.

Strong Bad attempts to trade in Strong Sad's stolen fake sword, but Bubs claims it as a worthless piece of junk.

Strong Bad attempts to trade in Pom Pom's stolen samurai sword, but Bubs says he would be in big trouble if Pom Pom caught him selling his weapons. Bubs suggests selling stuff less dangerous, such as stolen organs.

Strong Bad trades in Strong Sad's stolen pretendix for an illegally excavated broken piece of an old pot from the Homsar Reservation.

Email caper — Strong Bad breaks into Homestar's house with The Cheat to burglarize it. They are unable to steal anything, however, because The Cheat breaks the cow lamp, thus waking up Homestar Runner and forcing them to leave.

Email part-time job — Strong Bad breaks into Marzipan's house. His motive is unknown, but it's believed he did so to check his email from inside.

DNA Evidence — Again, Strong Bad breaks into Marzipan's house to search inside her couch to find money. He leaves behind a trail of pecan-pie-filling footprints, and accidentally drops a vial of DNA evidence.

Homestar Ruiner — Strong Bad frames Homestar for destroying Marzipan's decorations, and then later Pom Pom with Total Load to get him disqualified so that Homestar could win the Tri-annual Race to the End of the Race.

Baddest of the Bands — Strong Bad sets up several crimes, each making it appear as though Coach Z committed it to get Two-O Duo back together again (including toilet papering The Stick and stealing the alarm from Bubs' Concession Stand). He later makes it appear as if Limozeen has committed ecological crimes to upset Marzipan and bring down Cool Tapes' rating.

Email senior prom — Strong Bad attempts to crash a senior prom by using a device intended to de-pants everybody in the room, but it only de-pants him. He ends up becoming prom queen.

Homestar Ruiner — During a flashback, Marzipan explains that the reason she didn't invite Strong Bad to Homestar's victory party is because the last time he attended one of her parties, he jumped off the roof of her house and landed on the cake she baked, splattering it everywhere.

Email keep cool — Strong Bad's pool supervision is extremely negligent, including his use of improper chemicals and his policy of having characters he doesn't like swim during thunderstorms while holding large metal objects.

Poker Night at the Inventory — Strong Bad asks Heavy Weapons Guy to "take care" of the King of Town by shaving half his mustache. Heavy thinks Strong Bad wants him dead and Strong Bad makes little effort in clearing up the Heavy's misunderstanding.

Email credit card — Strong Bad scams Homestar into giving him his credit card information, which he uses to purchase a spaceship, two killer robots, a rocket launcher and a robotic dog/shark, spending a total of $3,013,500,000 USD.

DNA Evidence — Text on Strong Bad's computer implies that he is trying to get someone's credit card information, and by inputting it, it will "safen it all out".

Strong Bad has left numerous prank calls on Marzipan's Answering Machine, and in many of them, he attempts to con Marzipan into giving him something, ranging from food to free cable. It is unlikely that many of these attempts were actually successful.

Email caffeine — Strong Bad's study of the effects of caffeine on Strong Sad violates several regulations governing medical research in most modern jurisdictions. Strong Bad's lack of credentialed qualification notwithstanding:

Strong Bad does not acquire proper informed consent.

The beneficence of Strong Bad's research is dubious at best.

Injustice in selection of subject and control, largely due to the premise of the cartoon.

Email garage sale — Strong Bad has The Cheat steal Marzipan's answering machine, which he then attempts to sell back to her at an inflated price. He also conspires with The Cheat to steal various items from Homestar's house, though Homestar may consent to this activity.

TrogdorCon '97 — It is implied that Strong Bad, or The Cheat under Strong Bad's orders, has stolen $500 from Strong Sad.

Email what I want — Strong Bad tells of fraudulently returning an omelette to a hardware store for nigh on fifty bucks.

Email bike thief — Strong Bad, disguised as a bush, steals Pom Pom's bike and attempts to steal Homestar's bike, as well as admitting to stealing various people's lunches, girlfriends, and puppies. He also masquerades as the bush to get free pizza. Homestar later tries to steal Strong Bad's computer disguised as a trash can.