Summary: V'ger
joined them. But was it really V'gers call, which made Spock leave Gol?

Note: This is the
sequel to "Lost dreams" and "Longing". A change in time (memories)
is marked * // * // * //*.

Disclaimer:
Paramount/Viacom owns Star Trek. I borrowed a small part from it, to have some
fun with the Boys. The story is mine and only fanfiction - no moneymaking or
offence of copyrights intended.

If you are under
age, please stay away. If you have a problem with m/m-relations and -sex -
sorry, you've picked the wrong story for your entertainment. Please be patient
with any errors - English is not my native language. Thanks to my betas T'Len
and to T'Boy, who did again a great job to correct my mistakes. If there are
any left, blame me.

The call 1/1

****************

by Lady Charena

2000

Now it once more
felt familiar to him. The eternal vibration of the ship under his feet. His
crew and old friends aboard the Enterprise. And Spock.

But his
contentment trickled slowly away, as he waited. And waited. And waited. He had
asked Spock to come to his quarters, but the Vulcan never showed up.

There was a tape
on his desk, patiently waiting to be reviewed. The final reports regarding the
transporter-malfunction, which killed Commander Sonak and Admiral Lori Ciani.
He didn't want to look at them, but in the end he knew, he would have no other
choice.

* * *

Jim Kirk got
slowly up and strolled to his desk. He took the tape in his hand.

Lori...

He'd never know
why she beamed aboard. Now she was dead. They hadn't seen each other for
months. After their break-up nearly one year ago, there had been little contact
between them.

Their marriage
was a failure from the beginning. But not Lori's failure. All she did wrong,
was to love him...

* // * // * //*

The first few
weeks had been nearly perfect. He seemed to be healed from his insane longing
for Spock after that mad little scene in the garden.

But then he
started to dream. Blurred, indistinct dreams of Spock. Things from the past...
memories mingled with erotic fantasies. He woke more than once with Spock's
name on his lips, the sheets covered with sweat and semen.

He made a
thousand excuses, as she questioned him about this. Sometimes, he buried
himself for days in his work, taking nearly no time to eat or for more than a
few hours of uneasy sleep. Nearly six months after their wedding, Lori moved
out of their shared apartment. Three weeks later she went back to him, after he
promised to be healed - once and forever.

A outright lie or
delusion... but to whom had he lied? Lori? Himself? He never knew, because a
few days later he got a short, cool message from the Vulcan. Informing him,
that Spock had resigned and would go back to Vulcan, to achieve a mental
discipline called Kolinahr. It took Jim days to discover what this Kolinahr
was. And when he knew, he got insanely drunk.

The knowledge,
that Spock wasn't here anymore, was like a knife in a open wound. And he was
bleeding to death.

A few days after
the hangover cleared off, he decided to go to Vulcan. He actually went to Gol,
where the Kolinahru lived in total seclusion, but no one ever heard his
desperate appeal. So he went back to Earth. Two weeks after this, Lori left him
for good.

It couldn't touch
him. Nothing touched him anymore. Spock was gone...

Somehow he went
on with his life, like he had done before. But there was little more left of
him than an empty shelf.

This went on and
on, till V'gers call resounded through the galaxy. For the first time in years
there was again a spark of the old determination. Jim went to Nogura to claim
his ship. He got it back.

And then happened
the unforeseeable, the unbelievable - Spock joined them aboard the Enterprise.
At some times, Jim found himself watching the Vulcan intensely, as if to assure
that he was no wretched hallucination, no wicked dream.

Blessed reality,
as Spock took his hand in sickbay, after his nearly fatal meld with V'ger.
Their fingers touched - and an almost painful sensation went through him...
like closing a circuit between them. For a moment he forgot everybody and
everything around them, nearly pouring his mixed-up emotions in front of the
whole sickbay. Or maybe even kissing the dazed Vulcan. McCoy stopped him and reluctantly
he concentrated again on the ship and their mission. 'Soon' he promised
himself. 'Soon...'

But Spock kept
himself out of his way as much as possible. The shame over his failure in front
of the masters of Gol still rested heavily on him. He did not want to deal with
the cause of it, too.

Jim didn't give
up. And so he cornered the Vulcan at last in the observation deck, a few hours
before their arrival in Earth's orbit. He stopped for a moment, just inside the
room, looking at the too silent figure of his former lover.

Spock stiffened,
as from behind cool human arms went around his waist, to pull him into a
unwanted hug. Jim placed a kiss on his neck and he had to stifle a moan.

"I missed
you so," the human whispered, his breath brushing his skin, causing
shivers. "Never leave me again. With you, I lost everything."

"I am here
to tell you something, I think you have to know." Spock's voice was as
cold as space outside the big windows. "During my stay on Vulcan..."
Another kiss on this neck and he nearly gasped. The human could not truly
believe... He forced himself to ignore it.

"I felt your
thoughts, Jim - on Vulcan. You learned of the destroyed ships and I..."

Cool lips closed
around his lobe, sucking gently and he was not able to stop the hoarse moan.

"We can
always talk later," Jim whispered, turning the dazed Vulcan. "I need
you." He bent his head, to capture soft lips. "I still love you more
than my life."

But Spock jerked
his head to the other side, pushing Jim away. "I am here to tell you
something important," he said coolly.

He could not take
much more of this. After the meld with V'ger his control was still brittle.
"There is a faint link between us. I do not know, why I did not discover
this earlier. I do not know, why we are still linked in this way. And I do not
know, why you could reach me over a distance like Earth to Vulcan..."

Jim smiled and
pulled him again in his arms. "And that disturbs you, I know. But this is
our fate, can't you see? We're meant to be together."

He kissed Spock,
never bothered by the lack of any response from the Vulcan, stroking his hands
up and down the stiff back. This was heaven... Crushing their bodies together,
to show his arousal. "Without you, even the star's are dark," he
whispered.

The Vulcan pushed
him away. "No!" He turned, reaching for the shreds of his control.
"I will return to Vulcan."

"But why,
Spock? You said, your task on Vulcan was finished. I thought, you would stay
with me."

"And in
which function? As your science officer, if you keep your command?"

"Do not dare
to call me..." Spock regained control at the last moment, closing his
eyes. "I cannot be anymore what you want me to be," he said, his
voice now cold as ice.

"The link
between us will weaken with the distance. If it is safe to do so, I will seek
out a healer to sever it. There is less than a year left, till my next pon farr
arrives. I do not want to be driven to you like the last time."

Jim reached for
his shoulders. "Spock, you know, I will be there for you. There is
nothing, I would not do to..." He searched for the right words.

But the Vulcan
cut in, stepping out of his grip. "It is too late, Jim. I am what I am.
And I found myself longing for more than a bedmate, who desires my body, but
not my mind. I cannot live like this." He stopped to take a deep, calming
breath.

"I tried,
Jim, over the years more times then I care to know. I tried it as I woke in
sickbay. I cannot." There was deep pain in his eyes, like on the day they
stood on the red sand on Vulcan.

"But I find
myself unable to trust you again." He turned and left the too silent room.

Jim stood alone
in the observation deck of his ship, which lost every meaning for him, surrounded
by stars, which blurred, as he watched them.