Will Polish plumbers be replaced by Brit expat retirees after Brexit

A hard-hitting article in a Scottish newspaper is suggesting tax-paying, hard-working Polish plumbers may have to be replaced by retired Britons reluctantly returning from a life in the Spanish sun.

The newspaper’s report on a Westminster debate concerning the many petitions for a second referendum wasn’t meant to be hilarious, but came over as a illustration of how far British politics has strayed from the straight and narrow of governing a country. All the Brexit favourites were up for grabs, with Remoaner Welsh MP Gerard Davies being told his views would be more acceptable in a new job as the business commentator on BBC Radio 4’s Today programme.

The six petitions under discussion included one urging the immediate triggering of Article 50, another to throw the Article in the bin and a third calling for Brexit result day to be renamed Independence Day and celebrated annually. No-one, of course, mentioned the plight of hundreds of thousands of Brits stuck in EU member countries with no idea when or if they’ll be deported.

Pushing his point about the disaster which would inevitably follow Britain’s divorce settlement with the EU, Davies described his worst nightmare, that of tax-paying, hard-working Poles and their families being deported and replaced by doddering UK expat retirees from the Spanish sunshine coasts clogging up NHS waiting rooms. He compared those who still believe in Brexit to characters in the decades-old ‘Only Fools and Horses’ TV comedy series.

Hitting the nail directly on its head, Davies described Boris Johnson’s prime motivation for leading Leave as an ambition to become the next UK Prime Minister, or, at the very least, the leader of the Tory party should there be another election. Perhaps, according to Davies, Labour would have made a better job if it had switched to the Remain campaign.

Frosty exchanges were the order of the day, with one Tory minister describing the Scottish national Party as ‘the tail which is attempting to wag the dog’. Another ‘representative of the people’ reminded Parliament that Yorkshire’s population was the same size as Scotland, adding every last Yorkshireman had voted to leave.

Perhaps the BBC could be persuaded to put together a long-running comedy show centered around the mess Brexit has created, along with the characters who’ve come to the fore as a result.