Terror! What Terror?

Three terror attacks happened over the weekend, all of which were committed by rightwing Cristian’s. No. I’m just kidding, they were all carried out by Muslims. No Sothern Baptists were to be found. Unless they were victims, of course. This was the same pattern for the last couple of thousand terror attacks. And, that would be true on virtually a global basis.

Initially, the various political leaders in the cities where the attempted carnage took place said “These were definitely not terror attacks, although they did appear to be intentional. But, they weren’t terror attacks, that’s for sure. We’re looking into who might’ve been responsible, possibly some Mormons or crazed members of the Bahia faith, maybe a couple radical brick masons, you know, the usual suspects.”

The media played down these stories in an act of solidarity because they thought it might encourage America’s true enemies. That being; republicans and Donald Trump supporters.Americans, anxious to make their own statement, engaged in the political process by taking selfies and looking at pictures of Kim Kardashian's ass for extended periods.

Meanwhile, Donald Trump committed the heinous sin of saying “See, I told you this would happen.” The press, in an attempt to be fair ran front page ads about what a jackass Donald Trump was for bragging after such a horrible series of events…..that weren’t terror attacks, let me repeat, THESE WERE NOT TERROR ATTACKS! That is, unless you qualify Donald Trump’s statement as a terror attack. Which, according to the press, was worse than the 9/11 twin towers bombing.

And, as Sunday, became Monday, Americans shrugged and went on about their business thinking “At least it wasn’t me that was killed in these non-terror attacks. And that may not be much, but, it’s better than nothing.