It’s been a very crazy couple of weeks since my last post! My sinus surgery is over, including an odd complication I had which caused an artery near the back of my sinuses to burst unexpectedly. This led to me losing 2-3 pints of blood and having to have an emergency surgery last Tuesday to correct it. I’m happy to say I seem to be all done bleeding and nothing else strange has happened since then! I’ll tell you more about my adventure in another post; it’s a rather long story. I’ve regained most of my strength but I’m still recovering a bit. So let me tell you about today’s self portrait for now!

This image has been in my mind for a long time, ever since I this post. I had discovered, in the course of looking through my blog’s stats, that someone had found my blog by searching “I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and I want to give up.” My heart still breaks for this person. I wrote a post at the time replying to them but I’ll probably never know if they saw it or what happened to them.

I’d wanted to create an image for my Enchanted Sleep series based on the idea of being beaten down by chronic illness yet getting up, but it took a while. My first attempt was unsuccessful and I had to think for quite a while about what wasn’t working and then find time to reshoot it. Eventually though, I had created the image I wanted to make.

While I had physical, chronic illness in mind when I was creating this, the image is certainly not limited to being interpreted just in that light. Mental illness, for example, is another example of something you have to rise from again and again. And it happens that I’m in a bout of depression myself right now. The reasons are long and complicated so I won’t get into them now, but every day recently, I’ve felt like this just trying to get out of bed… never mind how I might feel physically.

Chronic illness, mental illness… they are not something you can beat in a day. You’ll have good days and bad days. You may have entire days, or even weeks or months where you don’t struggle with whatever it is that knocks you down. But when it comes, you have to get back up.

Every time.

Every time.

Every time.

It can be exhausting, and you might not have anyone in your life who knows that you’re even battling like this. Those who have a strong support system in place are fortunate; it helps, a lot. But whether it’s something others know about or not, it’s a demon which must be faced and conquered every time it arises.

I hope that everyone reading this has their own support system to keep them going. Friends and family, online or off, who can cheer them on. Who can give them the push or pull they need. We all need help from each other; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with asking for or receiving help.

Asking for help can seem more daunting than fighting the beast holding you down. But do it. No matter who is reading this, you have people in your life who love you, who care about you, who want you to succeed, who will extend the hand you need to get you through this.

Whether it’s an internal struggle no one else will ever see or you have countless loving people help guide you through your troubles, we must rise every time we get knocked down.

If you need help and you don’t feel comfortable approaching anyone you know, you can always talk to The Samaritans. You can call them, email them or even text them. They have people around 24/7 to help you through whatever you’re facing and it’s completely confidential. They are well trained and caring. Give them a try if you’re in need of someone to talk to! I can personally vouch for how much they help.