Adulting One Day At A Time

March 18, 2019March 18, 2019

I’m A Fraud

Am I a fraud? I have been thinking about this for the past few days.I know I post positive quotes on my Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. I know I enter entries of positivity through tough times. However, there are advice I provide all the time, but sometimes, I myself, don’t follow through. As much as I advertise self care hard core, I am not great at it. And there are days I disturbingly twitch to super happy quotes. Yall know which quotes I’m talking about. The ones that pukes sunshine, rainbows, unicorns, and butterflies. Yea, even those rub me off the wrong way. And here I am kinda doing the same.

A part of me think, “Am I fraud? Am I hypocrite? Am I putting a front?” At first, I truly believed that I am a big fat phony. But I really sat there and thought about it. I have never said my life is perfect. I never said I am a life coach or a guru. Actually, I have said that in one of my “revamp” entry, Let Me Re-Introduce Myself. I had to remind myself, one of the reasons why I started this blog it’s not because I have the answers for everything. It’s to take all of my mistakes and flaws into learning moments. Then spread what I took from my experience so people won’t feel alone and they won’t have to repeats what I have done.

Am I going to be happy all the time? Especially having bipolar disorder? Uh… no! I’m going to have days that I’m going to be grumpy. I am going to have days when advice are easier said than done. I am going to have days that I will drop the ball on the healthy coping skills I have learned. But I’m human! Just as long I keep striving to be a better person that I was yesterday, then that’s all I can do.

Sssssooooo…. what do I want you to take away from this post? You will have moments of self doubt as you try to obtain whatever dream you have for yourself. Whether it’s succeeding on your entrepreneurial business, getting a promotion, losing weight, or getting out of bed to try to have a “normal” life. You will have moments of self doubt and may feel like, “who are you kidding?” I stop yourself dead on your track and remind yourself the real reason why you started your goal. Remind yourself the obstacles you have overcome to get where you at. Even if it’s tiny steps, it’s still something to congratulate yourself about. Remind yourself you fucking are! You are an amazing and you will achieve your goals.

Most importantly, cut yourself some slack. You’re not perfect, but you striving to be better, is kick ass. Keep adulting one day at a time!

I used to feel like a fraud. Doing the 12 Steps very deeply and thoroughly helped me to see all my resentments and my part in them. Once I saw patterns, I could take opposite action. Opposite action was positive action: ex: instead of being a victim in a situation (my main theme) I could be powerful and courageous. I could bring the God of my understanding in so I could have strength to do this. And in doing so I became so much more positive. I am rarely depressed these days. Do I grieve? Yes. Lots going on. But I don’t feel powerless. (I come from a family of bi-polar. I am on the cusp. I do not take mental illness lightly. But when I do everything I am supposed to do and walk my spiritual path, I am free. I do not feel like a fraud because I am in 100% acceptance of what needs to happen to be calm and grounded. And in helping others, I feel positive.)

Glad to know that I am not alone! It’s good to be self aware and mindful of your situation, but it’s great to take accountability, because that’s when the true self improvement can begin. It’s always great to help others from your own experience. Kind of brings things full circle. I just hope my experiences helps others.