A place where first/birth/natural/real mothers share news and opinions. And vent.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Utah denies stay, Terry Achane's baby going to daddy

UPDATE (from Yahoo)

An army drill sergeant, Terry Achane, whose estranged wife put his daughter up for adoption without his knowledge
or permission while he was stationed in another state, has been
reunited with the little girl, following a nearly two-year battle to get
her back.

The Utah Supreme Court
earlier this month overturned a request by the toddler's adoptive
parents to stay a lower court's December order that the child be
returned to Achane, her father.

On Friday (Jan. 25) the original trial judge, Darold McDade who ruled in Achane's
favor, held a transfer hearing that resulted in the little girl and her
father being united this weekend for the first time since she was born
22 months ago.

"This is the first known case where the Utah State Supreme Court
has removed a child from an [adoptive parent's] home and returned the
child to the ... legal father," said Achane's lawyer Mark Wiser. After putting a temporary hold on a trial judge's order giving Terry Achane custody of his daughter, the Utah Supreme Court denied the request of the would-be adoptive parents, the Jared and Kritsi Frei, that the child remain with them while they appeal the trial judge's decision.

Wiser called the Supreme Court's
ruling a "huge victory" for "equal parental rights," meaning one parent
can't put a child up for adoption without the other's permission, and
decried the adoption practice in Utah.

"Terry Achane believes that justice is finally taking place," Wiser
said, adding that his client remains "heartbroken that he has missed 22
months of his daughter's life because of what happened. This is time
that he and his daughter can never replace."

The Utah Supreme Court set an expedited schedule for the Freis' appeal and will hear oral arguments at the end of March.
Teleah is going home!

Hoorah!!More good news: the process to change Dutch law such that it is no longer necessary to A-word the baby your wife has given birth to, if you happen to be legally female yourself, to acquire parental rights has started has started this week. It isn't there yet, but removing adoption from this field seems a good thing to me.

This is as I suspected -- the Supreme Court issued a short stay of the transfer until they could take a closer look, and once they did, it was so long Feis. The Utah Supreme Court is critical of the state's adoption practices.

Two things are going on. (1) The lower court (court is a fancy name for judge), also called the trial court, ruled that the adoption was invalid and ordered that Terry Achane have custody of his daughter. The Freis appealed this decision to the Utah Supreme Court.

Appeals often take several years because a transcript (a written copy of all the testimony in the case) has to be prepared, the attorney appealing the case has to file a brief (legal arguments), the other attorney has to file a responsive brief, and the appealing attorney then files a reply brief. Then the Supreme Court hears oral arguments and makes a decision.

The Utah Supreme Court puts this case on a fast track and the appeal will take less than a year.

(2) The second thing going is where Teleah will go pending the appeal. The lower court said she would go to Arcane. The Fries asked the Supreme Court to allow her to stay with them during the appeal. The Supreme Court took a day to think about it, thus delaying the transfer. Then it said Teleah is going with Achane. The Supreme Court told the trial court to set up the transfer. The trial court and the attorneys will meet this week to set up the transfer. The transfer will likely happen as soon as Achane can get back to Utah.

If the Frei's lose their appeal as is expected, Achane will get permanent custody.

I can't actually feel sorry for the adoptive parents, the Freis. They knew the adoption was iffy right from the start, and once they heard there was a problem that the father did not agree to giving up his child, they had a moral imperative to return the girl ASAP.

Cannot feel bad for the adoptive parents because they knew the birth mother was legally married and they tried to pull a fast one on the father and his parental rights. Shame on them all because he was serving his country and he came back to the States only to find that his daughter was given away. Sad.

Those people - the Freis need to let that baby be with her daddy. What selfish, self centered people. That poor daddy lost almost 2 yrs with his child because of both then and his ex wife. I will be praying for him and his baby. My God, I can't believe this people!!! Sooo angry about this!

I find it heart breaking and actually repulsive that people post such mean comments about the adoptive parents. As an adoptive parent, you put all your trust in the AGENCY to handle things properly from a legal and ethical perspective. These people just wanted to adopt a child- and the child they have bonded with since birth is being removed from their home and placed - right or wrong - with someone she (the child) has not bonded with and probably doesn't know too well. The fault here lies with the agency. Both sides have broken hearts and are hurting beyond anything I can imagine-- especially the adoptive family. I can't imagine posting such mean comments as have been posted above, when I doubt you know the family or have been involved in adoption in any form. We should have nothing but empathy for all involved in this, not cruel comments about either party, but particularly this family whose world has been turned upside down because the agency didn't do its job properly. And bottom line, this child has been traumatized beyond words; our hopes and prayers should be that she is able to get through this time of adjustment with support from others, not criticism from people who have no clue about details of adoption, nor this particular case. My heart goes out to all involved, and that agency better figure out birth father laws and start operating ethically. This is not the first time this agency has had problems like this.

I see some people are now noticing the expressions/mannerisms/looks of Taleah when surrounded by her adopted family and then with her Dad. She is thrilled and happy to be with her Dad, and you can tell is worried/confused/unsure when with her adoptive family. All this "feel bad for the adoptive parents" business ... are you kidding me? Can't you just tell by looking at the pictures which one Taleah prefers? Shouldn't all this evidence lead us to support family preservation? Children want their natural families and will always want their natural families, and that is a fact of life. Do not feel sorry for the adopters. Feel sorry for the legally orphaned children, and stop this heinous practice! Would you want to lose your mother, father, grandparents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, heritage, ancestry, history, feeling of belonging, ability to trust, feeling of safety, knowledge of your origins and your self all in one fell swoop, and when you are most needy and vulnerable? It's not the adopters that suffer most, believe me. The only two types of people I know who really understand this are adoptees and birthmothers. NO ONE ELSE has been able to get it that I have seen, because it is an unnatural knowledge that is learned only through experience. Adopters should be glad they are not adoptees, and have real compassion for real orphans, and not make more of them!

No comment on the parent issue but, as an adoptee, I cannot help but wonder about the confusion the child is being put through. First, new parents who were complete strangers...now a daddy who is another complete stranger. Wasn't everything supposed to be in the best interests of the child? This child is NOT a commodity. She will one day want some details...who can explain this mess to her in a way that makes sense? Or will it be swept away as unimportant? Believe me, to her it is EXTREMELY important!

Taleah is going to be fine, as is "Baby Jessica/Anna" of a dozen years ago.

to wit:

Anna Lee Jacqueline Schmidt known as Baby Jessica is now a legal adult and is able to contact the Deboers if she wishes to.I am close to her family and have watched Anna grow up to become a very smart and very talented and gifted in the field of music as is her mother Cara and such a beautiful young lady her frame is small only 5 foot tall and she is maybe 100 pounds at best just like her mother Cara's still with those big amazing eyes..thanks to her grandma!

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THE BIG LIE about FERTILITY

In The Big Lie: Motherhood, Feminism, and the Reality of the Biological Clock Tanya Selvaratnam writes that women cannot do what they want on their own timetables. They cannot delay motherhood until they feel they are emotionally and financially ready, secure in their careers and have found that perfect partner, and if they have trouble getting pregnant, modern medicine will miraculously give them a child.

Forty is not the new thirty. Even with all the advances in reproductive technology, our eggs have a finite shelf life and the odds of having a child over 40 years old are shockingly slim.

Oregon court records available

NEW TV SHOW ABOUT SEARCH

Opps. Forgot to set my VCR, but will check On Demand for Long Lost Family, a new series about adoptees finding their biological parents, which premiered on The Learning Channel. TLC also hosts Who Do You Think You Are, which returns March 8. The program has appeared on British television for several years. For more, go to Long Lost Family.

Who Are We?

Hole in My Heart

A Kickstarter campaign for Hole in my Heart, the memoir about finding my daughter and our quarter of a century relationship has been launched! Some of you have read parts of the work in progress here, others have not. To read more about the book and the history of this project: Hole in My Heart

If the blog has ever been a help--please help me now. --lorraine

BIRTHMARK

Birthmark (1979) is the ground-breaking first memoir from a mother who relinquished a child, up until then something no one talked about. "I could not put down this book! It touched my heart & soul in a very deep way, as I am a "birthmother" too. I do not feel so alone anymore. Many thanks for sharing your story-I'm sure it will help many like me."--A first mother at AmazonORDER IT HERE Birthmark

HOT news from Ohio

Beginning on March 20, some 400,000 people born in Ohio and adopted between 1964 and 1996 can request a copy of their original birth certificate. This change is due to the tireless work by Adoption Network Cleveland. Stand up, Cleveland and take a bow!

Korean adoptees & others react to Times piece:

Don't tell adoptees they are 'lucky'

Adoptees not happy with their new identities in a strange culture are coming out in other publications too. Read Please don’t tell me I was lucky to be adopted in the Washington Post. The author is Shaaren Pine, an Indian woman. The comments are insane, mostly critical of her not be grateful for being so "lucky."

Another piece worth reading is about the slavishly adoring way the press often treats adoptions from poor countries, like any place in Africa. Our friend Frank Ligtvoet, an adoptive father of two black children, dissects two recent newspaper pieces in "Transracial Adopton in the US: 'Unbearably Alone and Hopelessly on Display.'" Both pieces linked here are worth reading. Comments welcome.

"It shouldn't take a miracle to find people you are related to by blood."--Jenn Gentlesk

They Steal Babies, Don't They

E. J. Graff's latest investigative report on how humanitarian adoptions in Ethiopia metastasized into a mini-industry shot through with fraud and was reined back through a new law.

Liberal Hypocrisy in Adoption

Read Maureen Slateley'ssearing indictmentof the failure of civil rights groups, feminists, advocates for the poor, and other reformers "to take a cold, hard view of adoption ... as a social practice .. much less create a coherent, effective national strategy." Read LIBERAL HYPOCRISY IN ADOPTION

MAKING AN ADOPTION PLAN?

Rent-A-Womb exploits women

Commercial surrogacy might look like the harnessing of technology to enhance reproductive freedom. But in reality, this practice invariably involves wealthy couples renting poorer women's bodies. And that is not something leftists ought to support. Read more at: Why the left should oppose commercial surrogacy

Lorraine at hearing for OBC in NY

Adoptee James Lane put this (and others) up on You Tube. Click on link below.

Surrogacy a happy ending?

Does surrogacy work out for some? Is it ever a good idea? Some people insist it works just fine. Filmakaer Jennifer Lahl, who made Breeders: A Subclass of Women? and works to ban surrogacy, has received many emails from women who want to tell us about their tragic surrogacy stories; she also received emails from those who insist their use of surrogacy had a happy ending. Not so fast, as Lahl responds: The Happy Surrogate Families.

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