Monday

Oct 2, 2017 at 4:46 PM

From a young age, boys learn to associate strength and toughness with being male. Fathers, coaches and friends may taunt them for being a "sissy" or call them "soft" or "sensitive" — words they quickly learn to equate with being less masculine.

That perpetuates a culture of toxic masculinity that promotes violence against women, documentary filmmaker and activist Byron Hurt told an audience of mainly college students Tuesday during a presentation at Washburn University.

"What we do in trying to bolster manhood, trying to elevate manhood over womanhood and over gay and lesbian and transgender people, what we’re doing is we’re dehumanizing girls and women and anyone who is considered to be or classified as ‘other,’ " Hurt said.

Hurt is a former Northeastern University football quarterback and founding member of the Mentors in Violence Prevention program, a rape and domestic violence prevention initiative for college and professional athletics. His presentation at Washburn focused on gender violence prevention.

Washburn president Jerry Farley at the beginning of the lecture asked students to think about how they treat others and to remember that good relationships are built on trust and respect.

"We want this kind of conversation to permeate the campus," Farley said.

In his presentation, Hurt asked men in the room to name attributes that would earn them respect from being perceived as masculine. Participants listed words that included "strong," "fearless," "provider," "tough" and "athletic." Hurt wrote those words inside a box drawn on a large notepad at the front of the room.

He then asked the men to name words used to deride men perceived as being outside what he called the "male box." He wrote the responses — words like "weak," "gay" and "a girl" — on the paper outside of the square.

If the implication is that being outside the box makes a man "less than," or like women or people who identify as LGBTQ, that tells men that those people are also "less than," Hurt said.

"If you can look at someone as being less than or not as good as you are or not as valuable as you are, you’re more likely to abuse them, to harm them, to hit them, to emotionally abuse them, to sexually assault them," he said.

Hurt then asked women in the room to talk about actions they take on a regular basis to stay safe and keep from being sexually assaulted. They named several: Don’t walk alone; carry pepper spray or keys, which can be used as a weapon; call or FaceTime a family member or friend while walking inside or to a vehicle in the dark; never leave a drink unattended.

The culture of violence against women is real, Hurt reminded listeners, noting that most men don’t walk down the street worrying about being raped.

He urged people to work to change attitudes and cultural norms surrounding masculinity by questioning people when they use derogatory language to challenge others’ maleness. One of the benefits of getting rid of toxic masculinity is respect for self and others, he said.