Growing Older: Moving to Grandchildren by Lois Roelofs

Yes, you read that right. After eleven years of high-rise living in Chicago’s Loop, my husband and I are moving to a ground-level ranch in Sioux Falls, SD, in an area with lots of grass and evergreens near our little grandchildren.

We’ve just told our family and friends. Responses have at first been shock, then comments similar to: “Of course you’d want to be near your family.” They know my dream was always to live downtown. Well, we’ve done it now, and it’s time to move on. And I’m becoming more aware that other older people are making similar decisions as they decide priorities for final years.

You may recall a few weeks ago I wrote a post On Turning 74 in which I mused about how I wanted to spend the rest of my life. I concluded I would trust God. And I did; I stopped obsessing about it, and lo and behold, my husband brought up the idea of moving, and that was that! We had arrived at the same idea separately, but simultaneously, so surely it was a God thing.

So last week I bought our new home; my husband will see it soon. Meanwhile, we’re doing the paperwork and getting ready to sell our beloved home here in the sky, yet we are so looking forward to this new chapter in our lives. (My husband’s only request for a new home was having a three-stall garage; I bought one with just two stalls, so I have to be on my best behavior for a very long time!)

So, sometime this summer, I will become the title of a magazine I picked up there: Sioux Falls Woman! And since I’ll be leaving my Peet’s on Michigan Avenue behind, a Scooters may become my new hangout for writing. If you see me there, please say hello!

Meanwhile, I hope you enjoy our journey with us; I’ll keep you up-to-date on these pages. Now to start cleaning…

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17 Responses

Your enthusiasm for moving hundreds of miles to be near your grandchildren is apparent. But please understand why some of your friends may not share it. This same situation happened to a married couple we know. They are moving from New England to the wild West. Of course, being near grandkids trumps everything else in life and you probably won’t summon up too much sympathy for another viewpoint, but here it is. My husband and I are losing 2 friends, at a time when friends are too few. We are losing golf partners, dinner companions, good listeners. We are losing. We will probably never see these people again. They are moving to such a different culture that I can only imagine the difficulties in fully adjusting. And how will they go about making new adult friends when the grandkids have started their school lives? (And they will want adult friends. Kids can’t fill all 24 hours.) At this time of life, friends are too few.

Madeline, the friends thing is the hardest! When I told my 6-year-old granddaughter we were moving to live near then, she mused a bit and said, “What about your friends?” I thought that so perceptive of her. I told her that was going to be hard to leave them and I’d have to make new ones. She thought again and said, “I’ll be your friend.” But the friends I leave behind will be hard no matter what. I will have to make new ones. Fortunately the ones I’m leaving behind all have good circles of friends yet.

You are wise to move when you want to rather than when you have to. We live on an island & we are learning so much from observing our 85-year old neighbor. He has chosen to continue trying to care for & live on his 2 acres. That may soon be over–he phoned yesterday to tell us he had fallen asleep while driving into town. He plowed into a fire hydrant (destroying it) & his truck may be totaled. Fortunately he was not hurt. This is the second time he’s fallen asleep at the wheel. When it happened 6 months ago, he told no one except my husband. Our goal is to move to a neighborhood with sidewalks near our youngest son & his wife within 5-7 years. In other words, before we can no longer care for our 2 acres & we tire of the 50 mile round-trip to our co-op, doctors & Costco.

Once you’re all settled in your new home, my guess is that you’ll be grateful & happy that you made the move. Enjoy every second!

Dawn, I have seen this happen and want to avoid it. My daughter is thrilled we are coming not only for her family but she says it will be so much easier for her with her young familyvto have us close by when we get sick or need other help as we age.

Lois, I hope all is going well for you & your husband. I’ve found the perfect antidote for a diminished social life–find a beginner’s ukulele class at your local senior center. I’m in week 5 of such a class & it’s not only fun but I’m opening new neural pathways & making new–and very interesting–friends I would never have met otherwise!

I agree…at age 75 we left our acreage in the wine country (after leaving downtown Chicago 20+ years before) to be near our two adult daughters. It’s one of the smartest moves we’ve made and it is great to be in proximity to help each other and then everyone goes home.

Marjorie, A few years ago I sat with my newly widowed older sister to help her make this decision. We came up with several topics to consider: finances, family, weather, health care, and community. Warmer weather was very important to her because of her health, but after three winters away from home, she decided to stay put as the other things won out. So maybe considering those topics can help you decide what may work for you. Hope so!

this is absolutely wonderful but bear in mind your choices represent the top 10%- not all of us seniors can afford to just go buy a home in the location of our choice. some of us are facing lives circumscribed by poverty and limited outer choices.

Dear Allison, Thank you for that wonderful comment but I am nowhere near that 10%. In 2010 I could not get a check cashing card at the local supermarket. I have a reasonable monthly stipend (which means I can eat, have roof over my head, and a shirt on my back). At this time I was looking at a sea of medical bills, a POA who done me dirt, owed IRS $11,000, and a foreclosure. I am very proud to say I fired POA, took my lumps with the foreclosure, paid all bills and IRS, am current on all bills and got my credit back and EVEN saved enough to qualify for a down payment. It took over 2 1/2 years of searching thru over-priced, under-built, termite infested, foreclosures, short sales and classified ads. Persistence paid off. I found the last house in a builder’s subdivision that was under contract but couldn’t get funding. Bingo. I got a good price, even got some bells and whistles thrown in. Just to be very clear on obtaining something just beyond your wallet: I do not own or lease a car, do not travel or go on cruises, do not eat out or go to movies, concerts. Only buy on sale at end of season, buy bulk then divide, fillet, quarter, package and freeze. Planning to grow my own veggies. Only buyin washables eliminates dry cleaning. Do my own repairs, elec., plumbing etc. Have sewing machine to let out, take in, make new, drapes and upholstery. Believe in natural meds only. That’s a big savings and no reactions. My kids say I can make a nickel jump and do the job of a dollar. So thanks again for putting me in the 10% class. Do I have a motto? you bet, from my great grand ma..USE UP, WEAR OUT and MAKE DO!

Spunk, Elissa! Good for you. You sound like my mother whom I admire for making do with five kids and a husband off to war. She remade my older sisters’ clothes to fit me and I think her life motto could have been to clean, sew, cook, bake, can, plus, as a minister’s wife, to entertain a lot, lead Ladies Aid, and direct church choir. She did all beautifully and lived to 95. I’ve definitely had an easier life and don’t take it for granted. Love your expression of making a nickel jump. In nurses training in the 50’s, we had to pull the bottom sheet so tight when making beds that a coin would flip.

Thanks, Allison, for your comments. I’ve often said to my husband that we are fortunate to have choices. And I’m aware those could change in a flash with a change in health or financial situations. We’ve had a few scares in the past and feel doubly blessed to still be alive and able to make this move. Your comments are well taken!

I moved to be near my Grand children a few years ago. I am so glad I did! They keep you young and involved. Plus, it is a new adventure for us in the area where we moved because there are many senior clubs and activities that I will be exploring soon.

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