NCAA Rule Change Proposals: Real and Imagined

The NCAA football playing rules committee has announced some proposed rule changes, which must now be approved by the Playing Rules Oversight Panel. If you think that sounds an awful like trying to get health care pushed through both houses of Congress, well maybe that’s overstating it just a bit, because this isn’t double-secret legislation.

The biggest change comes in the way of penalties on taunting. If a player commits the act before he crosses the goal line, the penalty is assessed from the spot of the foul–negating the TD. If it occurs while in the end zone, then the same rules apply, with the penalty being assessed on the extra-point attempt, 2-point conversion try, or ensuing kickoff–depending on the outcome of a quick game of three-card Monty. The changes, which enjoy almost universal support, would take place starting in the 2011 season.

“Taunting and prolonged individual acts have no place in our game, and our officials have generally handled these rules well,” said former Oregon coach Mike Bellotti, the committee chair. “This is just another step in maintaining our game’s image and reflecting the ideals of the NCAA overall.”

Oh really, Mike? If it was that important to you, why don’t you just toss the player? Is that what Draco would have done?

Other rules changes suggested include:

Television monitors will be allowed in the press box coach’s booths beginning in 2011. The home team has responsibility for insuring that coach’s booths for both teams have identical television capability, complete with access to Youtube and Twitter and Holly Rowe’s cell phone number.

Ending the requirement that players pants always cover the knees. Just the jock area is fine.

Eliminating the intentional “wedge” on kickoffs and punts, a rule implemented by the NFL last year. I doubt that even Acid Reign can explain what the hell that is because all I hear is wedgie…

Recommending conferences that do not have a pregame warm-up policy use a 10-yard, no-player zone between the 45-yard lines beginning 60 minutes before kickoff. Okay, what does that mean? For RV parking? No tail-gating? Special National Anthem Singing Area?

Requiring players who wear “eye black” to use solid black with no words, logos, numbers or other symbols. That will be effective next season, but not nearly as effective as requiring full-on mascara. Sissies! Seriously, they had to do something about it. Guys were trying to print War and Peace in there.

Anyone got any other rules changes you’d like to see? Okay, a few for me:

If you have a tight end line up for more than 50 plays in the game and never throw it to one of them, automatic ejection of the player. (Known as the Auburn rule) You won’t be needing him anyway, or you would have done it already. Bring in a flanker.

Any player whose helmet falls off more than once in a game because he won’t button the straps properly in the hopes that he will be seen on TV more easily will be ejected and forced to conduct all post-game interviews wearing his helmet.

Any offense, within two minutes of the half, must throw at least one pass per four downs and at least pretend they’re trying to do something other than run the clock out.

Line the field with sensors and lace a chip into the ball. I’m tired of chains and measurements that drain momentum and lengthen the game time. Oh, and if you could get that yellow first down marker to be visible to the players on the field, that would be cool, too.

No more icing the kicker time-outs. If you have one remaining and it is the last play of the game, it will automatically be called when the ball is spotted–not when the guy has lined up. Any attempt to call succeeding timeouts will result in 5 yard penalties and more beer commercials.