Review for Vitamin Water--Energy

I like the concept of the vitamin water line a whole heck of a lot more than I like the execution.The main idea is to have a line of functional beverages, each with a blend of ingredients designed to carry out a specified function—one that is high in vitamin C for immune boosting, one with caffeine (this one) for energy, and so forth.

Like I said, the idea is good.The drinks…not so much.Whatever meager functional effects you get out of them is offset by the large amount of fructose used to sweeten the drinks—so rather than getting a really healthy functional beverage, as you are led to believe, you wind up glorified sugar water.

My question is…if you are going to go through all this trouble to make, produce, and market such a line, why not actually make it healthy?Why not use actual fruit juices, for instance?Why not, at the very least, sweeten things with agave syrup?I suppose if you wanted to get really serious, you could ask why you wouldn’t use stevia—except the answer to that one is that it’s nasty.

Point is that this line is kind of a joke, and their take on an energy beverage here isn’t really an exception.But you probably didn’t look this up to read my anti-Vitamin Water rant; you’re probably waiting for me to cut to the chase and tell you how this performs.Well then, read on.

CAFFEINE CONTENT

50 mg/20 oz. bottle

80 mg/32 oz. bottle

EASE IN ACQUISITION—10

Ubiquitous.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—7

At the very least, I have to say that these bottles look alright—even if they don’t look so appealing when drained of the colorful liquid inside.Everything works to create the appearance of a beverage that at least looks like what it should, even if it’s a bit on the plain end of things.

TASTE—5

This is where Vitamin Water—Energy runs into problems.It tastes like nothing so much as a watered down, tropical-fruit flavored Gatorade with a hint of guarana.The other big problem is the high levels of sugar in these things—it’s tolerable if you’re only drinking the 20 oz. bottle, but if you’re drinking two freaking pints of this stuff, you start to feel sick pretty quick.It was about at this point where I knew that I had been duped into thinking this would be healthy and functional—it doesn’t even try to taste the part.

20 OZ. BOTTLE

KICK (INTENSITY)—2

50 mg of caffeine is almost nothing, and you can tell—because that’s what you get in terms of energy.Almost nothing—perhaps enough to notice that you’ve drank something with caffeine in it, but nothing beyond that.

KICK (DURATION)—2

Effects lasted perhaps an hour.

THE DRINK OVERALL—3

When it comes to Vitamin Water—Energy, you have the choice between zero energy and an a saccharine holocaust.This 20 oz. bottle provides the former.

32 OZ. BOTTLE

KICK (INTENSITY)—6

The 32 oz. bottle delivered enough caffeine to make me feel somewhat energetic, though I wasn’t really able to enjoy it through the onslaught of the sugar on my system.What’s the point of a caffeine buzz if you’re too busy feeling gross to appreciate it?

KICK (DURATION)—6

I felt the effects for maybe two and a half hours—so that’s something, right?

THE DRINK OVERALL—5.67

There doesn’t seem to be a way to win with Vitamin Water—Energy.As I noted, the 20 oz. bottle won’t do a thing, but the 32 oz. bottle will only provide a boost at the cost of your feeling well.Look over both sizes in favor of better beverages.