I believe my wife may have schizoid personality disorder. I

Customer Question

I believe my wife may have schizoid personality disorder. I have shown the information to those (maybe) closest to her (mother and sister). We think it developed after we were married. She just told me she wants a divorce after her affair with a guys he said had an emotional connection with but was not pursuing a future relationship. She says she just wants a one bedroom apartment with a bed and her books and internet. She says she cannot express her feelings and gets no pleasure (and never has) from sex. I want to help her accept and get treatment. If I push hard she pushes away. She said she can't see a future for us because she doesn't feel she can change and ever express her feelings or have more than friendship feelings (we have been married 12 years and have three children including a 2 year old). By the way she says she started not sharing feelings after her mom made fun of her feelings when in seventh grade. Anyways, if she is spd what is the best way to present this to her without her rejecting the idea right out?

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Hello and thank you for using JustAnswer. Obviously I cannot confirm a diagnosis of SPD without a face to face examination, and neither should you since personality disorders are very difficult to diagnose and require a psychologist or psychiatrist to make the diagnosis. So I would not recommend that you tell your wife that you believe she has SPD, but instead mention to her that some of her behaviors and symptoms are not quite "right" and that they do cause her some distress, aggravation, and/or frustration to which maybe she should see a psychologist to help her. This way you are not making any determinations or judgments, but instead that you want to focus on her getting the help that she needs. Also try to tell her that she can talk openly with a psychologist and maybe process everything that is going on in her life so that she can find a good way to move forward in what ever direction she wants.

However most of the research I have done so far indicate that people with spd can be so against speaking about there feelings that their defensive mechanism makes the completely against any therapy. She has over the years vehemently rejected speaking to any therapist about her feelings.

That is her choice unfortunately as treatment cannot be mandated for her issues...you can say all the right things to get her into therapy, but in the end the choice is hers. SPD would of had to develop in young adulthood around 18-25 years of age as that is when a personality disorder develops for people and it is ingrained in their identity so they do not believe anything is wrong with them, they believe everyone else is wrong. If you try to tell her that therapy is not meant to judge her, but to help her move forward and be a sounding block for her maybe she will be more open to it. At least you would be getting her in the front door, as to what therapy will entail that is going to be up to her and her therapist.