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Warning signs for neighbours, friends, and families

RECOGNIZE that a neighbour, friend or family may be involved in an abusive relationship. You might also notice these signs in a co-worker. See the indications of abuse. Here are some warning signs to look for:

She may be apologetic and makes excuses for his behaviour or becomes aggressive and angry

She is nervous about talking when he’s there

She seems to be sick more often and misses work

She tries to cover her bruises

She makes excuses at the last minute about why she can’t meet you or she tries to avoid you on the street.

She seems sad, lonely, withdrawn and is afraid

She uses more drugs or alcohol to cope

Someone who is behaves abusively may try to present himself in a positive light. He may seem like a ‘nice guy’ sometimes. Below are some visible warning signs that may indicate an abusive temperament:

He puts her down

He does all the talking and dominates the conversation

He checks up on her all the time, even at work

He tries to suggest he is the victim and acts depressed

He tries to keep her away from you

He acts as if he owns her

He lies to make himself look good or exaggerates his good qualities

He acts like he is superior and of more value than others in his home

Signs of high risk

THE DANGER may be greater if:

She has just separated or is planning to leave

She fears for her life and for her children’s safety or she cannot see her risk

She is in a custody battle, or has children from a previous relationship

She is involved in another relationship

She has unexplained injuries

She has no access to a phone

She faces other obstacles (e.g. she does not speak English, is not yet a legal resident of Canada, lives in a remote area)

She has no friends or family

He has access to her and her children

He has access to weapons

He has a history of abuse with her or others

He has threatened to harm or kill her if she leaves him: He says "If I can't have you, no one will."

He threatens to harm her children, her pets or her property

He has threatened to kill himself

He has hit her, choked her

He is going through major life changes (e.g. job, separation, depression)

He is convinced she is seeing someone else.

He blames her for ruining his life

He doesn’t seek support

He watches her actions, listens to her telephone conversations, sees her emails and follows her