Why people like you more than you think

If there is anything worse than the initial exchange of small talk on first meeting a person, it is perhaps the analysis of that interaction afterwards. Did they think I was boring? Was that joke in poor taste? Perhaps they thought I was rude or annoying. Whether it's meeting new colleagues, a date, or a friend of a friend at a dinner party, talk to anyone and it appears that the fear of making a bad first impression is a universal trait.

But, according to new research published in Psychological Science, it's time to calm our anxious minds, because people generally like us more than we think.

The series of studies, titled 'The Liking Gap in Conversations: Do People Like Us More Than we Think?', involved varying groups of strangers being introduced and forced to chat to each other. Once their friend dates were finished, they were asked to rate their conversation partners, and to estimate how their partners rated them. In a phenomenon the scientists named 'the liking gap', it was ascertained that the participants consistently underestimated how well their conversation partners rated them and how much they enjoyed their company.

David LeesGetty Images

For the same reason someone might forget a person's name the minute they're told it, the study revealed a tendency to neglect signals indicating that the other person is enjoying the conversation, because they were often too involved in thinking about their own performance and what to say next to notice.

Unsurprisingly, for shy subjects, 'the liking gap' was found to be especially high, largely because their opinions of their own conversational ability was particularly low.

In one of the final studies, the sample included a group of new university roommates. They were surveyed from the start of the academic year in September, and then at four further points until May, and it was found that the students under-estimated how much their roommates liked them at all of the points except for the final one - suggesting 'the liking gap' can persist well beyond the first meeting.

It appears not only do we doubt our first impressions, but also our likability in the first stage of friendships. But, reports the study, we have absolutely no reason to.