The notepad of Dr. Hillary Marek. Here you will find all her favorite posts and articles before they go on to the main site GreatSexpectations.org. Any post not written by Hillary will have a link to its page of origin. Please let us know if you want your linkback removed from our site.

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Tuesday, July 15, 2014

EXCERPT FROM MY FAV. SEXPERT BLOGGER SUNNY MEGATRON

I am tired, tired, tired of the “Real Women Have Curves” bullshit floating around Facebook. Yes, I have curves. Sometimes I love them and often I hate them. I have major body image issues. They play on my mind every day, every hour. They dictate the choices I make, the mood I’m in, what I eat/don’t eat, the activities I engage in and so much more. Who isn’t plagued with the same sorts of thoughts?

Skinny people?

Yeah, think again. Nearly all the women I talk to (and a good handful of the men) have body image issues. We ALL have body insecurities. Even the “perfect” looking people.

Our response to a thin person voicing body image insecurities is almost always a dismissive: “Oh, come on! YOU!? Fat? Imperfect!? HA! You’re gorgeous! Don’t be silly! Come crying to me when you have to deal with this *grabs pillowy belly*”

Think before you open your mouth. Think before you post that Marilyn Monroe vs. thin womanphoto on Facebook. How is referring to someone as “skeletor” any better than calling them a “fat sack of lard?” Would you ever dream of accusing someone of being inferior based on the color of their skin? No? Then why is it acceptable to discredit someone based on the size of their skin?

My reality may not be yours. Your reality may not be theirs. But guess what? Everyone’s reality feels very REAL to them. Don’t make assumptions about others and don’t judge based on appearances. And certainly don’t talk down about others to make your own reality fit more comfortably. Most of us, no matter our size, are uncomfortable in our own skin.

“Excuse me while I throw this down, I’m old and cranky and tired of hearing the idiocy repeated by people who ought to know better.

Real women do not have curves. Real women do not look like just one thing.

Real women have curves, and not. They are tall, and not. They are brown-skinned, and olive-skinned, and not. They have small breasts, and big ones, and no breasts whatsoever.

Real women start their lives as baby girls. And as baby boys. And as babies of indeterminate biological sex whose bodies terrify their doctors and families into making all kinds of very sudden decisions.

Real women have big hands and small hands and long elegant fingers and short stubby fingers and manicures and broken nails with dirt under them.

Real women have armpit hair and leg hair and pubic hair and facial hair and chest hair and sexy moustaches and full, luxuriant beards. Real women have none of these things, spontaneously or as the result of intentional change. Real women are bald as eggs, by chance and by choice and by chemo. Real women have hair so long they can sit on it. Real women wear wigs and weaves and extensions and kufi and do-rags and hairnets and hijab and headscarves and hats and yarmulkes and textured rubber swim caps with the plastic flowers on the sides.

Real women wear high heels and skirts. Or not.

Real women are feminine and smell good and they are masculine and smell good and they are androgynous and smell good, except when they don’t smell so good, but that can be changed if desired because real women change stuff when they want to.

Real women have ovaries. Unless they don’t, and sometimes they don’t because they were born that way and sometimes they don’t because they had to have their ovaries removed. Real women have uteruses, unless they don’t, see above. Real women have vaginas and clitorises and XX sex chromosomes and high estrogen levels, they ovulate and menstruate and can get pregnant and have babies. Except sometimes not, for a rather spectacular array of reasons both spontaneous and induced.

Real women are fat. And thin. And both, and neither, and otherwise. Doesn’t make them any less real.

There is a phrase I wish I could engrave upon the hearts of every single person, everywhere in the world, and it is this sentence which comes from the genius lips of the grand and eloquent Mr. Glenn Marla:

There is no wrong way to have a body.

I’m going to say it again because it’s important: There is no wrong way to have a body.

And if your moral compass points in any way, shape, or form to equality, you need to get this through your thick skull and stop with the “real women are like such-and-so” crap.

You are not the authority on what “real” human beings are, and who qualifies as “real” and on what basis. All human beings are real.

Yes, I know you’re tired of feeling disenfranchised. It is a tiresome and loathsome thing to be and to feel. But the tit-for-tat disenfranchisement of others is not going to solve that problem. Solidarity has to start somewhere and it might as well be with you and me.”