trying to figure it all out in my thirties…through yoga, running, books, travel and just living life

Sitting Still Isn’t An Option

I am a fidget. I rarely sit still; I tap my fingers, my toes, I wriggle. It’s not deliberate – in fact, I don’t often realise I’m doing it – it just seems to be the way that I’m built.

It turns out that I’m restless mentally as well as physically. Less than two years ago, I made a pretty major life choice, quitting my pretty successful military career to do something different. And I’m really happy with the new life I have created for myself. But I also know it’s not the ‘forever’ answer, if one actually exists.

Since achieving my goal of getting a great job in international development and building a new life in London, I’ve been thinking about the perennial question of what I want to be when I grow up (I’ll be 33 next birthday, old maybe, grown up, definitely not). I’m slowly working my way towards an answer but this week I decided to take a big step towards creating the next stage of my life and my career. After thinking about it for a good couple of years, I am applying for a yoga teacher training course.

Yoga has been an important part of my life for six or so years now and I have been hearing the call to teach for a little while. You know, that little voice that originates somewhere deep down inside you. The one that you don’t quite hear to start with; the one when you ignore it for long enough starts yelling at you until you listen. That one. There’s no guarantee I’ll get on the training course I want to – with only 30 places, I think it’s going to be pretty competitive – but I haven’t been this excited or sure about something for a while.

My ego is asking lots of demanding questions which I am mostly ignoring: are you sure your ready? Are you flexible enough? But you can’t do that arm balance or get your foot behind your head (literally saw someone doing that in class today). Who are you to do this? How are you going to build a teaching practice? And on, and on. Like I said, ignoring that voice – the one in my head – and just listening to that calm voice, my voice, that says “you got this. this is what you need to do”. The rest of it will work itself. In the meantime, I have sat still-ish for a grand total of six months and now it’s time to take another step forward.