For the story of Donald Trump paying a couple Russian hookers to pee for him being fake news, Donald Trump sure is worried about whether or not there is video of the incident.

James Comey’s new book reveals a lot — but one particularly hilarious tidbit is Trump’s obsession with ensuring that Russian prostitutes weren’t videotaped tinkling for him. The rumored “pee pee tapes,” which spawned when Christopher Steele’s partially uncorroborated but largely verified dossier, have been a subject of internet humor ever since we were first forced to picture a scene involving Trump and urine — and they become an even funnier subject when one considers the hold they have on the “mind” of our President*.

“He brought up what he called the ‘golden showers thing’ … adding that it bothered him if there was ‘even a one percent chance’ his wife, Melania, thought it was true,” Comey writes in“A Higher Loyalty: Truth, Lies, and Leadership.”

“He just rolled on, unprompted, explaining why it couldn’t possibly be true, ending by saying he was thinking of asking me to investigate the allegation to prove it was a lie. I said it was up to him,” he continued. “In what kind of marriage, to what kind of man, does a spouse conclude there is only a 99 percent chance her husband didn’t do that?”

Trump, who has never once thought about Melania’s feelings (including when he was cheating on her with a porn star), accidentally revealed to the world through these desperate conversations with James Comey) that 1.) there are probably pee pee tapes and 2.) he’s very worried that they exist, even if they don’t. In other words we can draw the reasonable conclusion that at some point, President Stable Genius paid some nice young ladies to go pee pee for him.

Author: John PragerJohn Prager is an unfortunate Liberal soul who lives uncomfortably in the middle of a Conservative hellscape.
Prager spends much of his time poking Trump's meth-addled, uneducated fans with a pointy stick and is currently writing a book of muskrat recipes (not really) as well as putting together a scrapbook of his favorite death threats. His life's aspiration is to rule the world with an iron fist, or find that sock he's been looking for.
Feel free to email him at [email protected] if you have any questions or comments -- or drop him a line on Twitter or Facebook.