The Jedi’s have felt a grave disturbance in the Force. The scales have been tipped to the Darkside. Evil has entered the world once again in the form of ARK Music Factory and the Hell they have unleashed with Rebecca Black’s “Friday”. In case you are deaf or have limited brain function I’m going to tell you exactly why this song monstrosity should make you angry.

1. Lyrics sound like they are written by a remedial 1st grader.
Granted, she is only 13 and should not be singing about anything too adult, but you wouldn’t even catch Elmo singing this. The scary thought is that this was written by adults who see themselves as professionals.

2. The scary guy that missed the rap bus.
Seriously, what is he doing in this video with a bunch of 13 year-olds. I’m not an ageist, but if you are getting in to the rap game at 40+ using a 13 year-old girl’s video to start your career, NO! Bad dog.

3. Lack of anything remotely close to genuine musical composition.
I know they call this music, but this pathetic attempt at trying to create a hook by using Auto-Tune and patterning the vocals on the beat structure doesn’t cut it. Just because it may technically be music, doesn’t mean I put it in that category. Technically a platypus is a mammal, but seriously, wtf?

4. Auto-Tune.
Seriously, I hate the over-use of Auto-Tune. Subtly correcting a note or two is one thing, but over your whole track? Maybe you shouldn’t be singing sweetie. Sadly even Auto-Tune can’t correct how bad this song is.

5. The video looks like an epileptic 2 year-old’s sketch pad.
Granted, the video is better than the song itself as it didn’t make my eyes bleed, but whoever is funding this monstrosity could have at least ponied up the $10 for the deluxe package video at the mall booth.

6. It is not unlike a lot of other pop music out there.As awful as this song is, it is not far off, and is modeled after a lot of current pop songs. Just compare these lyrics and rhythm structure to any one of the pop chart hits, like Lady Gaga’s “Telephone”. This song uses a pop formula, but as they have hopefully learned, formula’s do not create good songs.

7. It’s probably going to be a hit and inspire them to make more music atrocities.
Despite that this song has become famous for being so awful, they are making money off it. People are already rationalizing it and trying to say it is good because it exposes pop music for what it is. It’s not, it’s not good. Don’t buy this, don’t help them make money so they can turn around make more music. Please, I am begging you.

8. It is has no soul.
Ever watch a porno with the sex moans dubbed in? That has more feeling than this. I’ve known white people with no rhythm on the dance floor with more soul than this song. Seriously, this song has no soul, want to know why your brain hurts when you listen to it? This song is a zombie, it eats your brain. Maybe not… zombies might have more soul than this song. I hate this song.

I know I am adding to their clicks and potential money-making opportunities by posting this, but it really is from a public service stand point. Remember those videos and photos you had to look at in Sex Ed class? The ones with all the diseases and warts and what not to scare you? Be scared, or be scarred.

****WARNING!!!****

I listened to this song a couple of days ago and it is still hurting my brain, watch at your own risk.