Quitting can be a very lonely experience

Quitting can be a very lonely experience

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Apr 20 02 3:41 PM

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Quitting is often a very lonely experience. If you talk to people who quit a long time ago they may make comments like, "quit smoking, there is
nothing to it." They may have experienced a difficult time themselves but they could have totally forgotten it. Talk to people who never smoked a day
in their life and they can react with comments like, "Hey, you never should have taken up smoking in the first place." Talk to people who still
smoke and they may offer you cigarettes. This all can make a person first starting a quit feel like they are alone in the world.

The beauty of Freedom is that you are basically in a group that appreciates the importance of smoking cessation. Some people here have quit at the same
time so it is natural that there is a certain camaraderie that is felt for them. But even the longer-term quitters still keep the significance
of their quits at a level of paramount importance. They force themselves to remember how hard it was to quit, how bad it was to smoke and how much better
off they are because they quit.

Many who are here remember how lonely and hopeless they may have felt in the beginning or in past quits and are eager to help spare others the same
feelings of isolation. Their continued participation helps everyone, including themselves maintaining their own resolve to stay quit. So remember your
early experiences here and in past quits, and as time goes on you too will be able to share your success to help others.

As you encounter others in your travels through life, let them know there is help out here for them. To help return the support, always be encouraging to
people quitting and always make sure they understand to stay off smoking they need to never take another puff!

And I think that's why I get a bit "clingy" to Freedom at times. Within my
immediate family/community I don't know anyone who has quit smoking - no-one!! There is one person I have known in my life who has quit using the
patches - that's one! And the only other people I know are AA members who say they have "put it on the programme" i.e. one day at a time-cold
turkey.

So I come here for my daily reinforcement of what seems to be the truth for me: Smoking is an
addiction and I am a nicotine addict. This really helps to keep me free in a world that seems to think I just had a little habit and surely one won't
hurt!

I feel my quit growing in me like a big old oak tree - strong and grounded, and as it grows it
gets easier to branch out from time to time. As long as I remember where I come from and who planted the seeds of my freedom, I don't have to feel so
lonely anymore. And I can join the ranks of millions of people around the world who are nicotine-free!

I wanted to bring back up this little ditty, to share with our newbies. Part of the process of healing is support and sharing....but the really great thing
about Freedom is being able to have the resources to lay down a great foundation for your quit. Lonely it may be in life from time to time....but keeping on
track and staying healthy is YOUR responsiblity. Boy is sure took me a while to stop looking to others for the strength and determination I already had
inside!

Somehow I stumbled on this thread which I don't think I've read before. This is so true for me since I live alone... I was so worried about
quitting because I knew it would be so easy to try to cheat or to give up. I needed a support network, especially tough love. If someone just pats my head and says to just get up and try again I
will find away to fall again because it's been implanted in my mind that cheating is ok... you just try again. In my heart I knew it wasn't true,
that's why this site appealed to me so much. These people were just like me and they were SO serious about quitting. I knew I was home and I knew I
wasn't going to be alone.

Thanks, Joel, for recommending this thread. It very reaffirming. Even tho my family is 100% behind me, they don't really understand - they can't.
Thank God for Freedom. Education, understanding and companionship certainly help with my quit.

I saw in another thread where a few members felt a real benefit in knowing that they were not alone in the reaction that they were having in their quits.
This thread here discusses the phenomena on how quitting in a group can ease some of the fears and lonliness encountered by some people when they are
quitting smoking. There is a wide range of feelings that are actually normal reactions to quitting. But normal does not mean that every one gets the specific
reactions, just that it is normal for some people to get the reactions.

I sometimes get concerned when a person is having a tough time a few weeks into a quit, comes on board and other members respond that they are having the
same reaction and then, sometimes go overboard and say everyone gets these kind of reactions. This can scare people who are first thinking of quitting or
just a few days into their quits into thinking that they had better give up now for they begin to think that it is normal that they are going to be having
these kind of problems weeks later and they feel that they don't have the fight to get through this extended time period.

So for clarification there are a few points I want to make here. First, the thoughts that can happen are not usually as strong or problematic as the thoughts
that people get in the first few days of a quit. Second, is that while some other people may have similar thoughts at some times, that there are also other
people who do not and in fact, depending on the reactions involved, it may be that most people are not going to have the same reaction. Normal means things
might happen to a few people, not that things will happen to all people.

There is only one thing that is normal and applies to everyone. That is that it is normal to expect to stay permanently in control and smoke free as long as
a person sticks with the commitment he or she made to never take another puff!

Yes quitting can be a very lonely experience. But you know what? In today's social climate, smoking can be a very lonely experience too. Being lonely
from quitting can last a few days. Being lonely from being one of the only smokers in your family and social network can last a lifetime for a person who does
not quit. To spare yourself the physical pain and suffering that goes with being a smoker, as well as the loneliness is as simple as sticking to your
commitment to never take another puff!

The people who are often the loneliest quitters are those who were closet smokers. They cannot share their thoughts or feelings with others around them
because saying that they are having a bad time quitting is exposing the lie that they have been living for who knows how long. Along with the other problems
of being a closet smoker, (seeThe Closet Smoker), is the isolated feelings that go along with having to be
a closet quitter. To avoid ever having to live in either of these two states is as simple now as knowing to never take another puff!

"But even the longer-term quitters still keep the significance of their quits at a level of paramount
importance."

I just want to add my voice to this thread, and confirm that this is exactly true of me. Even now after nearly four years, hardly a day goes by that I
don't remind myself of my quit ... and smile. I rate quitting as probably the most important decision I've taken since I got married, and I still
recall that decision with a certain amount of awe and wonderment.

As Marty points out, Freedom's more senior members are likely not here posting and supporting the group's newest arrivals because of any challenge
of our own. To the contrary, it's likely that the calm and quiet that now fills their mind is so soothing in itself that they can't imagine ever giving it back. It's likely that they want to help you see and feel what it's
like to restore neurochemical sensitivities, to arrest your dependency and end the mandatory nicotine/dopamine/adrenaline roller coaster ride, and to smile
as they watch each of you gradually learn to function comfortably in a world surrounded by the chemical that once controlled you.

I join Marty in sharing my awe and wonderment at remaining free these past five years. To be frank, in the early days I never would have thought it
possible. Yes, except for reading about them in old posts, my own personal memories of the early challenges have all but evaporated. It's another
important reason so many of us return here to Freedom. You see, we rely upon the dreams and challenges of our newest arrivals to help remind us of the
amazing journey we've made.

Support truly is a two way street and although it may sound strange, we thank each of our newbies for helping us recall what it was like living and
planning life around that next mandatory feeding. You may be lonely on your own but here at Freedom the benefits are mutual. Thank you Freedom. There
was always only one rule ... no nicotine today, Never Take Another Puff. John (Gold x5)

My hubby, a non-smoker, (never smoked) has completely ignored my quit. I had quit for a week, before I finally gave in and mentioned
it to him. Oh yea, he noticed that I had not been spending so much time in the garage. " Yea, thats good for you, so how about you lose some weight
now?"

Anyway, we must toot our own horn and thank goodness for all the wonderful support we receive here! I am so thankful for all my quit
angels!

aunt valeria

I have been quit for 1 Month, 2 Weeks, 3 Days, 3 hours and 27 minutes (48 days). I have saved $132.38 by not smoking 962 cigarettes. I
have saved 3 Days, 8 hours and 10 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 2/23/2006 7:30 PM

"Being lonely from being one of the only smokers in your family and social network can last a lifetime for a person who does not quit."
Well, that WAS my lot in life, and even though there are som many reasons to quit, that was the one that did it.

Bob - Free and Healing for Eleven Days, 14 Hours and 54 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 1 Day and 14 Hours, by avoiding the use of 465 nicotine
delivery devices that would have cost me $116.27.

Joel - Trying to quit smoking has always been a very lonely experience and until now, I have not been successful. I am not ever alone as long as I turn on
this computer and go to the one place I know I belong....and that is right here!!!!

At first, the people in my personal life were, once again, very happy that I made this decision, but although they didn't say, I'm certain, they
didn't believe I would carry through...just another "I quit" story, they thought. Now that it's been 17 days, those that do smoke
ask if I am still quit, but really do not want to discuss it any further...I'm sure they are not interested in hearing what the positives of stopping
smoking have been for me and I often get the feeling, they ask because a part of them would really like for me to say "no, I broke down and didn't
make it"....that would justify them continuing to kill themselves. So why would they want to discuss my success? I know when I was in denial, I
didn't want to discuss something I wasn't willing to acknowledge.

The people who do not smoke don't really bring it up, I suppose because smoking is not, and never has been, an important part of their daily
thoughts and actions, so it's not something they would normally even think about. (I do have one friend who quit 2 years ago, and she has been very
supportive and understanding, but I cannot talk to her 24-7 nor anytime I feel the need to).

Thanks to this site, I do not allow myself to be alone with the thoughts of the "aah" that would never take place
with that first puff. When the thoughts filter in, I come here. It has worked every time!!!

I would never have been able to get to even 17 days without the support of everything and everyone connected with whyquit.com. Just wanted you to know
that when I get lonely in my quit, I come here as soon as I can get here. I know when I sign off, I will feel 100% better. Thank you for giving all of us this
wonderful place to go.

Barb - I quit 17 days & 21 hours ago and will NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!!

I totally agree. It has been exactly the same for me. Ive tried so many times before and failed.

Now I never feel alone. When I don't know what to do with myself or I feel it's time for my "reward". ( how sad I would reward myself
with a disgusting cig.) I come and read, read, read.

It's made all the difference.

Congratulations on your success!!!! Keep up the good work !

Your QS,

Neena

I have been quit for 5 Days, 17 hours, 34 minutes and 40 seconds (5 days). I have saved
$13.75 by not smoking 68 cigarettes. I have saved 5 hours and 40 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 7/16/2006 4:00 PM

I am feeling that lonliness very strongly this weekend after the euphoria of quitting cold turkey 1 w 5d 2hr and 21 minutes ago. Even though I don't know
anyone within 20 miles who still smokes I can see how easy it would be to ask a stranger if I could bum just one.....smokers are delighted to help hook another
addict back into their stinking club.
I put this thinking aside, but at the same time try to accept the lonliness as a valid feeling. I'm having a rough time right now but have faith that I can
never take another puff.
Stella