Pages

28 September 2010

All alone on the bone when I didn't have a home when I saw the Notes From The News

Hi again all. It's a busy day here at the ranch, and I don't have a whole lot of time to chat, especially not if I want to get todays Banned Books Week post up. So rather than waste a lot of time, I'm going to present a ten thousand word treatise on A Day In The Life Of Ivan Denisovich, and then . . . juuuuust kidding. Newsnotes NOW!

Natalie Portman, after years of resisting the idea, is now interested in doing a sequel to Luc Besson's classic The Professional. Therre's even a Besson-written script floating around out there just waiting. Difficulty: Portman would only do the movie if Besson directed. Difficultier difficulty: Besson is retired or semi-retired and there's no guarantee he would un-retire to do this. So is all this talk about a sequel just talk? Probably. But oh man, it would be awesome as an awesome thing to see it happen.

I don't want to go on the cart, dept. (Part One): Sally Menke, Quentin Tarantino's longtime collaborator and editor on every single one of his films, was found dead this morning after going missing during a hike yesterday. Menke had a signature editing style that helped form and shape Tarantino's movies and make them even more singular than they already are. Condolences for sure to Sally's family and to Quentin Tarantino, who must surely be heartbroken right now.

We're getting our first view of post-Potter Daniel Radcliffe, and I have to say, the kid done growed up nice. The Woman In Black is a ghost story adapted from a well-regarded play, and holy mackerel Radcliffe looks good in that pic. That's Mr. Darcy-level handsome. Guess now we'll find out if Radcliffe can do more than squint a lot and look worried.

Stephen Fry will play Mycroft Holmes in the sequel to Guy Ritchie's surprisingly successful (and surprisingly good) Sherlock Holmes. So now you know what's coming: POP QUIZ, hotshot. Who would you cast to play Moriarty? Your answer must be a living actor age appropriate both to the role and to Ritchie's directorial style. Go.

I don't want to go on the cart, dept. (Part Two): Gloria Stuart died in her sleep Sunday at the age of 100. She had a remarkable and well-regarded career in film, in spite of having appeared in James Cameron's Titanic. Normally our condolences would go out to Gloria's family, but Gloria had an incredible and truly blessed life, and she even kicked cancer's ass at a very advanced age. So we will instead congratulate them for having been related to such a tough, amazing person.

Wyclef Jean is in the hospital being treated for "stress." Yeah, dicking around with Hatian politics and calling Sean Penn names will do that. Hey Clef? You know what I do when I get stressed? I fucking suck it up, grow a pair and deal with it, you happy asshole. Of course, Wyclef deals with stress differently, because his stress probably comes out of a needle or a pipe, but hey.

Stick a fork in them, dept.: Kay Perry gets to sing with puppets after all. The Never-Talented will appear in a Christmas episode of The No-Longer-Remotely-Funny Simpsons which will feature the Simpsons characters as puppets. Nothing good can come of this . . . unless it brings about the end of two things that are well past their sell-by dates.

Geekalicious story of the week: Joss Whedon is sounding more and more positive about the Avengers movie he's been tapped to write and direct, in spite of the enormous challenges he's facing in putting it together. Either that or he's scared to death and just talks a good line. We'll see if he can manage to create a script that features his famous character writing, yet curbs his predilection for meandering asides that go nowhere, and for randomly killing beloved characters for no good reason, the cold blooded basted. And no, I still haven't forgiven him for Book or for Wash. "Leaf on the wind," my ass . . .

I attended the Dwayne Johnson School Of Career Suicide! dept.: Steve Carell, after announcing he is leaving The Office, is inexplicably contemplating filming the least promising sounding script he could find. Burt Wonderstone is about a stage magician who accidentally kills his partner and then loses his, um, "hocus-pocus focus." And yes, that is actually in the film's description. And yes, if I am ever forced to watch something with the words "hocus-pocus focus" in the description I may well do the old 'out, vile jelly" routine and hire myself a guide dog.