The breakup of James Woods and Ashley Madison (his kicky girlfriend 1/3 his age) is more in the sphere of our westward ho, and rightly so. Madison's naked opportunism and Woods's tendency to photograph like a naked mole rat are par for the course in traditional Hollywood couples that celebrate the gap of several generations. However, we happened to spot Woods and Madison near the very beginning of their romance in the lobby of the Ritz-Carlton in New York.

An out-of-town friend insisted on taking perhaps the most embarrassingly overt paparazzi cellcam photo we've ever had the misfortune of witnessing. Madison (whom we only recognized in later press coverage) was enthusiastically nattering on about shopping while Woods regarded her with narrowed eyes and an entirely manufactured smile. His eyeballs briefly swiveled to take in our cellcam-wielding friend, then returned to Madison without any detectable change of expression. The whole thing was so reptilian that we can't even look at Woods anymore without thinking of that moment, and we remarked afterward that it wouldn't have surprised us if, later in their Ritz suite, Woods gently unhinged his jaw and spent the evening gradually swallowing his blonde treat. That apparently didn't happen, and at least Madison got a guest spot on Entourage. James Woods remains hungry.