One step in
the editing process is to eliminate redundancy, or “deadwood.” Two ways to
achieve more concise paragraphs are shown below.

Create
compounds.

Wordy: Mumps is a
common childhood disease. Measles is a common childhood disease.

Concise:
Mumps
and measles are common childhood diseases.

Use
verbs instead of nouns or noun phrases whenever possible.

Wordy: The
scientist gave an explanation of how ice melts.

Concise: The scientist explained how ice
melts.

Exercise:
Use the frame to rewrite the paragraph so that it is more concise. When you
are finished, send this page to your teacher.

In the year 1911, there was a scientist from New
Zealand. His name was Ernest Rutherford. Ernest Rutherford had a theory that
most of an atom’s mass exists in the nucleus. Furthermore, Ernest Rutherford,
in addition, believed that all of an atom’s positive charge exists in the
nucleus. His experiment proved his theory. His experiment also proved his
hypothesis that most of the total volume of an atom is empty space.