Oh for mercy's sake! My days are all messed up, today isn't the 27th it's the 28th!

Uncle Steve's birthday was yesterday, not today. *sigh* _________________For Myles--
When evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

For Mom--
Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.

Fly...fly high against the sky...
Thank you, thank you, thank God for you
The wind beneath my wings

Actually, we are planning to gather at the grave sites later today for special prayers and a picnic. I just can't believe that I thought the 27th was today. And it wasn't just me either! All of us thought today was the 27th...hehehe. What does that tell you about our day to day chaos up here??

OH!! Anna and the girls are spending the month of August with us! They arrive next weekend. _________________For Myles--
When evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

For Mom--
Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.

Fly...fly high against the sky...
Thank you, thank you, thank God for you
The wind beneath my wings

I was compelled into coming here this morning by both Mom and Uncle Steve. They both wanted me to encourage people to post in their threads even though the threads are quiet now, and "sleep in back rooms" (Mom's words). "They are read through and through, and often, but some do not feel they have comfortable right to speak. They with hold much" (Uncle Steve's words). So, here I am! I don't know how many still come and read through this beautiful thread, but they seem to think there are quite a few of you and that some of you aren't comfortable in posting your thoughts. As Mom would say..."All are welcome to read and speak here."

I apologize for not posting more of their journal entries. Life has become so chaotic and the days run into each other. My babies, my husband, my brothers and sisters, and my thesis all keep me so busy that internet time, unless it's used for research, is nonexistent. If and when I have some time to read through their journals, I will post some.

OH! Had Christmas portraits done...I'll post a new pic or two of Tracie and Xander (yes, we call him that, seems to fit him better than "Alex" does) soon.

Huggles everyone and God bless! _________________For Myles--
When evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

For Mom--
Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.

Fly...fly high against the sky...
Thank you, thank you, thank God for you
The wind beneath my wings

Thank you so much for posting those links. I love reading her posts from when she first joined. Hard to believe that was ten years ago._________________For Myles--
When evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

For Mom--
Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.

Fly...fly high against the sky...
Thank you, thank you, thank God for you
The wind beneath my wings

How could they possibly be more cute? Thank you for sharing!_________________Love prevails.
~ Tracie Mckinney-Hammon
Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.
~ Rainier Maria Rilke

Thank you, Sea!! They are the light of all of our lives. It's hard to believe they will be a year old in a couple of months. _________________For Myles--
When evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

For Mom--
Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.

Fly...fly high against the sky...
Thank you, thank you, thank God for you
The wind beneath my wings

This is amazing for so many reasons, but I wanted to share it here because it contains older photos that Mom posted back before the big hack. A pic of Isaiah playing the piano, a couple of Uncle Steve, two of Stevie as a baby, Naeem, Ayize and Zia right after they were adopted. Imani when she was adopted. Heidi, Ryan, Tristan and me as kids. A pic of Chelsea when she was three.

And...a pic I posted of Mom with her brothers and sister when they were all little. Mom was 7!

It's a treasure trove...check it out!

And thanks again, Vain! _________________For Myles--
When evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

For Mom--
Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.

Fly...fly high against the sky...
Thank you, thank you, thank God for you
The wind beneath my wings

I believe God takes us places in our dreams. He took me to one a moment ago. Finding the reason why, is beyond me. Maybe it was just to bring me a certain joy, and has no reason at all, only that it just is. Who can explain the ways of our God? Why show someone as unworthy as me such a glorious place? How do I warrant such gifts?

When I opened my eyes it was there
Dreamlike in the night, the air filled
With the fragrance of jasmine flowers.
It stood there, spacious, with a thatched roof.
The room cool, lit by inner glow.
And a garden full of flowers, an old well ensconced
With the jasmine.
I drew to its grace, a saint had lived there once,
Whose presence now became the silence enshrined
Within the walls, the divine aura.
And I thought, Heaven must be like this.

--Stephen C. McKinney

He brought me to the house of a saint. Oh I knew it in the instant I walked inside. Such beauty, I am humbled.

I was born after my uncle passed away. But I know him. I go to the cottage with the thatched roof and visit him and my mother in my sleep, but they are not dreams. They are walks to the next place. In that place no hurt exists and the light hums with a music so soft that it's almost impossible to hear. But I hear it. My mother shines with this light and she doesn't walk on the ground. She flies and hovers. And she is always smiling.

I know a few here are missing her still, I know this because she tells me. She has a message.

"No need to miss me. I am here. I am the little moments of thought that cross your minds and hearts. I pass back and forth through the door now."

God bless you all. _________________Be still heart, hold peace, and be still.

So, how is everyone?? I thought I would come on and post here to Uncle Steve's thread about new movie by HBO called "The Normal Heart" which is a film adaption of Larry Kramer's play. It takes place in New York at the beginning of the AIDS epidemic, when no one knew what it was and when the government was ignoring it while people kept dying. It is an amazing movie, right up there with "Philadelphia" and "Angels in America." It's been nominated for several Emmy's and will probably get a few Golden Globe noms too. So, if you haven't seen it yet...

Hope everyone is doing well. Stevie is looking through Mom's and Uncle Stephen's journals, he is taking it upon himself to start posting them.

Keep a lookout for them! _________________For Myles--
When evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

For Mom--
Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.

Fly...fly high against the sky...
Thank you, thank you, thank God for you
The wind beneath my wings

Uncle Steve's birthday was the other day...he would have been 45. Stevie picked out a journal entry to post, so as soon as I get it typed up, I'll get it posted. _________________For Myles--
When evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

For Mom--
Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.

Fly...fly high against the sky...
Thank you, thank you, thank God for you
The wind beneath my wings

May 16, 1995, 11:13 pm
Because she was sleeping on the sidewalk and wouldn’t wake up enough to stand and walk on her own, the cop arrested her. And when I stepped in and told him I would help her move someplace else, he arrested me. So, I sat in jail over night with her, she slept with her head on my shoulder. She was ill, very ill, and I spent my time with her praying to the Father. She woke up in the early morning and looked at me, her face grimy with homelessness and dried tears. She made the sign with her hands, asking me who I was, and I smiled at her and spelled out my name. She spelled out hers, “Carrie.” She asked “why do you help me?” and I spelled out “because.” That seemed to satisfy her and she went back to sleep.

Later, after being released, I took her to the hospital. Of course the people there all know me. When I told them her name and that she had AIDS they immediately began to process her for admittance. Once in a room on the ward, all cleaned up and in a hospital gown, she looked…better. She smiled and signed “thank you.”

That was 3 years ago, and now I sit next to her bed as the life leaves her. I watch her chest rise and fall. I watch fresh tears leak unhindered from her eyes. I watch her hands twitch as she silently prays. She opens her eyes and smiles at me, reaches for my hand. I take it and nod at her, mouth the words, “I love you.” She nods, a signal that she loves me too. I mouth the question, “are you ready to go home?” she nods again and closes her eyes. Her chest ceases to rise and fall, the machine that measures her heart beat lets out a long steady beep.

I become used to such things. I am the usher, the way over, the guide to the light, but it is not an easy way and my heart breaks. I seek the solace of home more each time I witness these passings. These are days preordained to me, the ones the Father lead me too. This is the great work, this endless guidance, and I am blessed. For, when the light comes for them, I glimpse it and I am eased of burden until the next one comes to me seeking the way home. I have no wisdom. I have no healing in me. I only have the map of the way embedded within my soul…I am a compass for all those lost. I am a wellspring of love, of which they never drink.

Sweet Jesus Lord, how many pieces can my heart be in and still beat?

Carrie is now in Your arms. I did all I could._________________I sing to life
and to it's tragic beauty
to pain and to strife
and all that dances thru me
the rise and the fall
i've lived thru it all...

To my brother, Steve, who held a grace and light beyond words, God bless. I love you --Tracie