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Monday, September 30, 2013

Hey gang! Dad (John) here. I want you all to meet my buddy Joel. Joel is a dad. Joel doesn't have a blog. Weird huh? I thought we all had blogs. The tragic part of Joel not having a blog is that he is a really good writer, and a really funny guy. So today, and hopefully more in the future, I am going to publish a bit of his writing. Please show him some love! And without further adieu...How to get on the Ellen DeGeneres Show by Blogless Joel

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Monday, September 23, 2013

"Michael is cute."Those three words are the actual sound of my heart collapsing in on itself. If you had held a stethoscope to my chest yesterday morning, you would have heard my heart's rhythmic thu-thump cease and then eerily echo the exact words that had just came out of Duchess's mouth as my left and right ventricles squeezed in on each other and turned my heart into a pathetic heart raisin.Michael is the little towhead jerk face from Duchess's daycare, who I now hate with every fiber of my being. He is also NOT cute. And I hate him. Have I mentioned that I hate him? Because I do.Sigh…OK, he's cute. Fine. What three year old isn't cute? And I don't really hate him. But what is a dad to do? Our kids are going to love who they love, and any amount of pushing I do is going to send my daughter straight into Michael's stubby little toddler arms. I suppose their love is inevitable. So here you go MICHAEL FROM DAYCARE. This is for you. Take good care of her.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

I tried to think of another wayTo help you go to sleepWe'd read a book and sung a song And counted all your sheepAnd then we read another bookAnd sang another songAnd you wanted a glass of waterAnd wanted to come alongAnd when I poured the water wrongYou SCREAMED and told me whyTwo pieces of ice were the acceptable wayTo prevent your impending cryYou wanted your blanket, the pink, not the blueYou wanted your baby dollYou wanted your bear with the bunny earsYou wanted the light in the hallYou wanted to sing just one more songAfter "Rainbow" and "Stay awake"You wanted a hug and kiss AND A HUG You wanted a piece of cakeWhen I told you "no," you cried and kickedOh no, not this. No more!I placed you screaming in your bed And sprinted for the door. "DADDY NO!" you cried out to meWhile leaping from your bedAs you slipped, and tripped, and slammed the top Of your tiny little headMy impatience vanished. My frustration goneWhen I heard the thump and your cryI rushed to your side, pulled your head to my chestAnd kissed your swelling eyeAnd in a bit, when you were over itAnd your stuttered sobs collectedThe weeps crept away and you ended your dayCurled up in my arms, protectedSometimes it's rough keeping up with your moodsSometimes I don't know if I'll make itSometimes it takes an hour to put you to bedSometimes I just have to fake itButSometimes you're staring into my eyesAs I finish the verse of a songAnd sometimes you're tracking the words on the pageAnd I know that you're reading alongAndSometimes, not always, you fall asleep in my armsAnd even on the nights that are badThere's nothing on earth that brings me more joyThan knowing that I am your dad. I love you. Good night.

You know Boo Radley in To Kill a Mockingbird? I’m part Boo, a recluse with a (mostly) good heart. And you know Randall Munroe from the xkcd comics? I’m like a low-rent, parenting version of him. And you know that scene in Superman, where Lois Lane and the Man of Steel are flying hand-in-hand through the clouds? Well, I’m Lois, and my daughter is Superman, and as I clutch her little paw in mine, she lifts me to places that take my breath away. When she’s not locked down in time-out, that is.

I highly encourage you to check Neal's blog out. He's got more comics and some really great writing. You can find him on his blog, Raised by my Daughter, Facebook, and Pinterest. Be sure to tell him I sent you!If you are an artist and are interested in having your work featured on Ask Your Dad, send me a note through the contact form!

Monday, September 9, 2013

Catherine, friend and writer of Bumpyboobs, needs our help. I know. I usually do these on Fridays because Friday is pay day and people are more willing to give money when they just got paid. And now it's Monday. And you just got done with a big weekend, and maybe you went out to breakfast and got Chicken Fried Steak and Eggs, because Chicken Fried Steak and Eggs are delicious! And maybe because you spent those extra bucks this weekend, you might not be as able to chip in a couple bucks to help out a stranger. If that's the case, no worries. I still love you as much as I love Chicken Fried Steak and Eggs, maybe more. BUT on the off chance that you have an extra five bucks to spare, I think it would be super cool if we could help Catherine achieve her dream of self publishing a novel she has written.

Catherine and her husband really want children. Recently she found out that her breast cancer has returned and having a child is not an option for now. I can't even imagine how devastating that news would be, for her or for her husband. And yet, she is taking the lemons and making a book - out of lemons. OK, there are no lemons, just tumors. Shit. Cancer sucks.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

I need to give credit where credit is due. Here's the thing. I write the blog, and people get to know me through what I write. I can paint the picture as pretty or as poopy as I like, and I like that. I'm a pretty honest guy, and I keep things pretty accurate. There have been some times where I have worked the edges of a piece to make it more funny, or combined events that happened over a series of weeks into a single day, but for the most part, what you see is what you get here at Ask Your Dad. Except for one big blind spot that I feel compelled to address.Completely without intent, and only by the sin of omission, I get far too much of the credit in the parenting equation. Stevie never complains about it, and I don't even know if it bugs her, but she is the better parent and I just want her to know that I know it... and I want you to know it too. I know, it's not a competition. But if it were, here are just a few of the MANY reasons why she'd win this trophy: