Looking Beyond Our Problems and Looking Toward Our Solutions, Pt. 1

Hold your hand in front of your face with your thumb folded. How many fingers do you see? Four, right? Maybe...maybe not.

One of the mantras that we've often been hearing of late is "be part of the solution, not part of the problem." In business it is widely held that one should never walk into one's supervisor's office with a problem, but with a problem and a solution - even if it's not the right one. How do we do that?

We often find ourselves stuck because we get hung up on the problem that we are confronting - hung up on what's in front of us. This limits our vision, limits our creativity and limits our possibilities. It limits us - more to the point, we limit us. If we can set aside our anxieties, we can see more clearly and thus broaden the possibilities of our response.

First, we need to discover what is keeping us stuck. Often, it is a habit of the mind. If we believe something to be true, we tend to behave in a way that confirms that truth, whether consciously or unconsciously.

Think of something that is a negative constant in your life. Maybe you are always late, even when you try to be on time. Maybe you struggle with finances, even though you make plenty of money. Maybe you consistently choose a particular sort of relationship, or behave badly given certain circumstances.

Take that circumstance and write it down. Simplify the idea of that circumstance - put it into simple language in a sentence that is short enough to fit on a bumper sticker.

Now, do the same thing with a positive constant in your life. Maybe you are exceedingly punctual. Maybe you are a wizard with a dollar, and have more than enough even though you make minimum wage. Maybe you have been blissfully married for 30 years. Do the same exercise.

You have now identified two Core Truths - one positive, one not so positive. Think about and try to identify where those truths come from. Maybe you are always late because your father was always ahead of schedule and constantly criticized you to, "Get a move on." and you accepted the instruction that you were a slow poke. Maybe you're great with managing money because you grew up poor and vowed to yourself you'd never go without, or you were once humiliated because you came up short.

You have now identified two Core Beliefs. And it is those beliefs - good, bad or indifferent - that drive our choices and interfere with, or promote, our decision making. They are the lens through which we see a problem or with which we see past a problem.

Identifying those truths, suspending or even changing those beliefs are what allow us to free ourselves from our self-imposed bondage and the tyranny of our own fears.

So, hold your hand up in front of you face with your thumb folded. How many fingers do you see? Don't look at the hand (the problem)...look past it.

How many fingers do you see? If you said eight, your vision is clearing.

Michael, could you give an example of such core beliefs that would fit into a bumper sticker? I mean, let's say I'm always late and procrastinate because that was the way my Mom handled life when I was a little girl (to simplify things) and she was a role model for me. How do I get the general idea? Would it be simply "I'm always late"?

Core Belief -- if I don't show up, I won't have to deal with negative situations. My Mom taught me to avoid conflict by being absent.

Change Strategy -- I need to show up (1) with the expectation that there will be no negative consequences, (2) with the idea that conflict is creative and doesn't mean I am a bad person, (3) with the intention of gathering evidence to show me that showing up will not bring conflict into my life.

Ok, that's more clear for me now. So basically, the Core Truth is the 'reality', the Core Belief is the 'why is the reality that way' and the Strategy deals with the why's. Cool. It'd be even more cool if you wrote more on the subject :)
thanks!

When I met my best friend in Jr. college, I thought that we were both on a path to great academic success. Now 8 years later, I am about to get my Ph.D. and she has dropped out of our Jr. College and is working as a waitress. Every time I talk to her, she tells me that she wants to go back to school but she can never seem to accomplish it. The truth is that she is a brilliant woman, but she has held certain negative beliefs about herself for so long now that it's hard to believe that this method would work for her. I'm not trying to sound pessimistic here, but are there any more steps (aside from psycho-therapy) that you can offer to a person who is extremely entrenched in their negative self image?

The notions posited here have very little to do with traditional psychotherapy. They are actually derived from the Eastern spiritual idea of samsaras...patterns of behavior informed and driven by habits of the mind.

Psychotherapy, like anything else, is simply a tool -- one of many available to us -- it's not an answer. The tool is not the measure of success, but rather the willingness of the individual to recognize what they are confronting and both their willingness and ability to change in the face of that recognition.

If psychotherapy is not a reasonable choice for your friend, then truly any vehicle that resonates with her -- Church, Yoga, Tony Robbins, Scientology...whatever -- is the necessary vehcile for evoking the change that you feel she needs to be making.

I wasn't implying that the advice presented in this article had anything to do psycho-therapy, just ruling it out as an option since she has already tried it. I don't know who Tony Robbins is, but I know that my friend is already a deeply spiritual person. I don't know what the change is that she needs to be making; she underestimates her abilities as a student is all. I just wondered if you had any advice on how she could boost her confidence enough to take school assignments in stride.

Have spent the morning enjoying your writing since finding "Addiction A ZEN Perspective" on addictioninfo.org. I originally quite drinking in 1990, using the fellowship of AA, and the behavior modifications they suggested, although I have no belief in the supernatural.

I "discovered" ZEN a few years ago & decided to learn what I could as a way to decrease anxiety. Along the way, I found SMART Recovery, which seemed to make a lot of sense to me 'cause it's based on many of the same principles I was already using.

The technique you describe above is taught at every SMART meeting, as it is our main "problem solving" tool. I must say, the ZEN perspective piece hit me right between the eyes. You put into simple words something I have been trying to get my head around for years.