Friday, October 21, 2005

Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own

And it's you when I look in the mirrorAnd it's you that makes it hard to let goSometimes you can't make it on your ownSometimes you can't make itThe best you can do is to fake itSometimes you can't make it on your own

I've seen U2 twenty times now. Yes, I am still going on about the U2 concert, over two weeks later I am still on about it. Their song, "Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own" from How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb has been haunting me since the show. The show itself, other than being bloody brilliant was a very emotional one for me on several levels. First we were able to get into the Ellipse just after the lights went down. Suffice to say I spent "City of Blinding Lights" bawling my eyes out, partially due to emotion and mostly due to adrenaline. We settled in and then Bono started talking about his father, who died a few years back. Then he launched into "Sometimes". He stood a mere few feet away from me on the Ellipse ramp, his emotion in the song was raw, he was so into the the words and emotions as he sang. It hit me like Big Papi hitting a homerun for my beloved Red Sox. Tears started coursing down my face and I found myself thinking back to six years ago this month. I was thrilled to find out I was pregnant and then devastated when I miscarried at the beginning of Week 8. Now granted, ten days after my miscarriage, I found out that I was still pregnant and J is our miracle. But I found myself missing our lost son or daughter. And my aunt Val-Val. She died just after I turned 19. That's a whole other blog entry for another day. My child and my aunt pervaded my soul like the song did. I felt their presence in my heart so heavily that night. I know that Val-Val was there to greet my child when he or she made her way to Heaven. Ironically, J was born on Val-Val's birthday, as Nana had said he would. I can't help but think that things happen for a reason. The song hit me so hard and has haunted me every day since. At first, I was sad; but now think that a song like that has so many meanings for so many people. What a blessing something like that is. To be able to reach so many people and so many emotions through a song. Yes, music is truly a blessing.