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Friday, April 20, 2012

Women In Love Wanting Better Love And Respect, But Scared Of Change

Like all
women in love, I have always longed for real love and respect. Some women get it, but I didn’t. I wanted abundance and fulfillment, too, and
I didn’t get that either. I started realizing
that if I wanted my world to change, I might have to change.

I used to hate that word “change”. I was afraid of it, of what I thought it
meant. Every time I heard it I would
think of having to tear myself away from comfort zones and habits and feeling
safe. I was so insecure within myself
that the idea was terrifying.

When it
came to relationships it was even harder. I wished
I could just leave it to everybody else - especially the men - to change. It would be so much easier. That’s what I told myself. But it wasn’t really that easy. Because all I could do was stand on the
sidelines and complain. I didn’t have
any real power at al.

They didn’t
have to change if they didn’t want to – and they never did - and there was
nothing I could do about it. Except
leave, of course, but I was scared of change!
My fear that it would make me unsafe kept me adapting and sacrificing
myself, hoping it would eventually work, knowing somewhere deep within me that
it wouldn’t.

Being
tortured by my helplessness. So how easy
was that, to stay imprisoned in what looked like men’s relentless egoism and my relentless misery? No, it wasn’t easier. I had to face it: women in
love who are in relationships where there is not enough love and respect or
abundance and fulfillment can’t afford to stay the same, because it will hurt
forever.