Mon, 13 Nov 2017 00:51:51 -0800WeeblySun, 18 Dec 2011 13:39:58 GMThttp://pregnantmother.weebly.com/home/my-own-personal-postpartum-hell-warning-this-post-contains-graphic-realities-about-having-a-babyI always tell people that there's not a lot that's fun about having a baby the first month or two, and at the risk of continuing to be negative, this baby was no exception. My milk came in before I left the hospital so I found myself tired, sore and engorged. A day after I got home I landed in the ER at midnight with a fever of 104 caused by mastitis (a breast infection). No matter what I do, I always tend to get one when I begin nursing and one when I end.

So I was exhausted, sore, sick, and my hormones were on a crazy roller coaster; trying to figure out which way I was going. NOT FUN. Thank goodness my mother was here, otherwise I don't know how I would have gotten the kids to school. It just wouldn't have happened.

I could go into more detail about how miserable that first week was (and at the time, that was my intention) but I really don't' see the point now. If you've had kids then you already know all the gory details and if you haven't had kids, you probably don't want to know.

So now it's been 9 weeks and I'm blissfully past my postpartum hell. Sadie is such an easy tempered mellow baby. I couldn't be happier! The kids look upon her with total adoration. Though I do have to bring up that for a good few weeks all three of the oldest had some behavioral issues at school. Luckily they seem to have worked those out now. They can't get enough of Sadie. She is the first one they must kiss when they wake up and the last when they go to bed. I'm always having to break up arguments about whose turn it is to hold her. The world now revolves around this cute little girl.

I suddenly find myself a mother of 5 and that is amazing............and I'm looking forward to a good nights sleep......as of now I'm getting 5 hours straight on most nights and that's great! I'm loving holding her and doting on her. The kids dress her up like she is the doll that she is and she gets constant attention. I have so many cute outfits for her that I'm lucky if she wears some of them once or twice before she outgrows them. She literally wore two outfits to the church Christmas party. Two loving people both gave her outfits for the party, so half way through, we gave her a change.

And life moves on...... ]]>Sun, 18 Dec 2011 12:36:36 GMThttp://pregnantmother.weebly.com/home/sadie-has-arrived-warning-this-post-contains-graphic-details-of-sadies-birthIt's about time for me to finish up my pregnancy blog. It's been 9 weeks since I had my beautiful Sadie and I'm recovered enough to give an accounting of her birth. The actual birth went really well. If you aren't interested in the details though, you won't want to proceed.

It was a strange labor because I was induced this time around. Because of my history of rapid labor and the distance of the hospital, we were concerned that I wouldn't get there on time. So I went ahead with an induction. I was given pitocin at 6:30 am. I began the labor dilated to a 3 plus and 50% effaced. The early labor was slow. I had contractions but they didn't seem to progress much. By 10:30 I got the epidural. Things continued but it still seemed slow to me. By 1:00 pm I had only dilated to a 4 and was 60% effaced. I really enjoyed the time I spent with Dan. We watched TV and I ate light snacks. But I was concerned that I didn't seem to be progressing. The nurses kept assuring me that it was normal, but I was so used to hard fast labor, it was very foreign to me.

At 1:00 pm they decided to go ahead and break my water. That really sped things up. My contractions were immediately more productive. 30 minutes after breaking my water the nurse helped me shift my position and left the room. But as soon as I shifted, I was immediately OVERWHELMED with a need to push. I screamed for Dan to get her back and they all scrambled to find the doctor and get things set up. Now this was familiar to me. What would labor be like without the nurses telling me not to push yet because there was no doctor to catch her?

Luckily the doctor was found and I was able to push. I literally pushed through 3 contractions and her head was out. At this point the doctor told me to stop pushing because I had a double helix. I asked what that meant and the nurse told me it meant that the umbilical chord was wrapped around her neck twice. Now I didn't see it, but I was told that the doctor shot daggers at the nurse with his glare. I guess he didn't feel I needed that much information. So I stopped pushing while he unwrapped her neck. Then 1 more push and she was out. Sadie was born at 1:49. In only 49 minutes I progressed from a 4 to birth. The doctor said in his entire career he'd never seen anyone make that much progression that quickly.

While I really have no way of knowing how I might have progressed had I not been induced, I'm really glad that I was because there was definitely a potential that I might not have made it. So all went well. Sadie was a healthy 6 pounds and 6 ounces and 19 inches long.

]]>Fri, 30 Sep 2011 13:44:24 GMThttp://pregnantmother.weebly.com/home/getting-closerI'm just about three weeks out and things are getting crazy. I had hoped to slow down and really rest a couple of times a week when I am temporarily kid free. Thus far that's only happened once. I'm taking some time today and it feels great. The rooms are swapped and painted and I'm making a lot of progress on my to do list.

I did have a bit of a scare a couple of days ago. I felt off all day. I can't really describe how I felt except to say that I felt wrong and that I needed to lie down. I have been having contractions like crazy for a while now, but that day they seemed to get worse in the afternoon and a lot more painful. I started timing them just to see if there was any pattern. I was alarmed to see that they were coming every 7-12 minutes and persisted for the bulk of the afternoon and into the evening. Mostly they would happen when I moved, so eventually I forced myself to lie down. They never got worse or more frequent than that, so I went to bed and felt better in the morning. But it was a bit scary because I still had so little done to prepare. I was literally packing my bags wondering if I was going to turn around that night and go have this baby.

I've been really happy this week, except for one major meltdown. I did spend the better part of a day crying but it was my first real meltdown in my last trimester, so I'm okay with that. The hardest part was just trying to explain to the other kids why I was crying. A 10 year old girl doesn't really understand that sometimes mommies just cry even if nothing is wrong....this leads to lots of conversations on hormones. I was able to hold a newborn a couple of times and that really perked me up. It's getting so close now and I'm really starting to get excited. I'm interested in knowing what she will look like. Thus far, every one of my kids looks distinctly different so I'm curious to know if she will have her own look or resemble a sibling. I am also curious about her personality.

I'm happy to say that I'm not fearing the birth. My fear of childbirth actually increased with each successive child. I would think that would not be the case, that my experience would allow me to feel less fear. Through my first four pregnancies, though, this was not how it happened. However, with this one I am not afraid at all. Perhaps experience is finally kicking in to let me know that I will get through it and it will all be over (hopefully rather quickly). It feels great to know that we will get through whatever comes and life will go on.

It's nice to feel happy again and I'm hopeful that it lasts. I'll try and write a time or two more as I get closer. Today I'm going to try and finish my to do list. I'm down to things like posting the kids schedule on the fridge (so dad can get them to school and what not...I'm hoping to get the kids to do their homework early each week because I doubt it will get done with dad in charge). I still have to finish packing, and make up some numbers of people to call, etc. Then we will start the countdown. I was early with my last two and am thinking I probably won't go the full 40 weeks with this one either, so I'll keep you posted. Thank you guys for all of your support and love through this pregnancy. I can't tell you how it has helped me

]]>Wed, 21 Sep 2011 13:52:37 GMThttp://pregnantmother.weebly.com/home/getting-readyI have made amazing progress in knocking out the big things that need to happen before Sadie arrives. The most daunting task was to switch the boys and girls bedrooms and we are almost done. All that's left is the closets (still a big job) and some general cleaning. Dan still has to paint, but that's his job so I'm not worrying about it. The only other big job is to bring the crib down from the attic and set it up (though she won't actually be in it for quite a few months).

So now that the major stuff is almost behind me, I'm looking to the little things that I like to do to prepare for a birth. I need to print some packing lists. I've always been a two bag girl; one for the labor and one for the hospital stay. I like to bring the usual things to assist in labor, a picture of my loved ones, snacks, lip balm, something for Dan to rub my back with, etc. I'm also narrowing down the drugs that I will be using to help me cope with early labor. So far I've decided on Tootsie Roll Pops, gummy bears, Red Vines, Tropical Starbursts, and maybe a bit of chocolate. :-)

I need to get some volunteers to watch my kids in the event that Sadie decides to make an early appearance. Otherwise my mom will be here to help watch them.

So plans for my labor are in full swing. I have a little over four weeks left if she comes on time and I'm looking forward to some fun stuff. Saturday I am getting a joint baby shower and making a fun baby crib cake for the other mother. I start my weekly visits next week. It's always fun for me to see how I've progressed, so I'm looking forward to that. And I'm trying to schedule some time to really slow down and rest these last few weeks. Things have been so busy, I really want to enjoy the few hours that I have kid free right now. I'll keep you u

]]>Tue, 20 Sep 2011 01:02:32 GMThttp://pregnantmother.weebly.com/home/true-confessions-of-a-hormonal-pregnant-ladyIf you have been reading my blog, then you know that this pregnancy has been very difficult on me. Aside from the severe morning sickness and the usual aches and pains, I've also been incredibly depressed throughout the entire thing. It's really conflicting to choose to have a baby, get pregnant, and then not be happy about it. It's especially guilt invoking when I think about how I shouldn't feel sad and overwhelmed at all. There are so many people who struggle to have kids and have trouble. I should be thrilled every step of the way, right? That's what logic tells me, but, unfortunately, that is not my reality. So today I would like to devote an entry to those of us who struggle with pregnancy related depression,

I guess I'm having a pity party but it's really difficult when people ask me if I'm getting excited and I automatically say something like, "Yeah, it's getting so close and the kids are so excited." When what I really want to say is "Am I excited? No. I am not. I feel anxiety, sadness, and even dread. I'm dreading the added stress that we will have to deal with. I'm fearing our financial instability and how the new baby will affect my ability to help provide for the family. And mostly I am just very sad, discouraged, and overwhelmed." I even hesitate to write about it because it feels like something that I should be hiding from people...you know, sweep it under a rug and keep it out of sight.

Now I'm confident that the root of these feelings is in fact hormonal. My entire world seems to get out of whack when I am pregnant. So mostly I am just ignoring these feelings and trusting that they will pass. I'm sure that the closer I get to the birth the more excited I will actually be and I'm very confident that once Sadie arrives I will be satisfactorily grateful and happy. It's just been really rough these last 8 months. Luckily I've not ever really experienced postpartum depression. Short of the first few days, my emotions seem to level out pretty well after the birth and I'm hoping this will be the case this time.

Even as I write these things I'm condemning myself with feelings of guilt. How could I possibly feel this way when the way that I should be feeling is so different? I really am okay. I know I will be excited. I have so much love to give and we are all excited about a new addition to our family. Thanks for letting me air my confession as I go through this emotional roller coaster yet again.

brandi :-)

]]>Mon, 22 Aug 2011 02:10:24 GMThttp://pregnantmother.weebly.com/home/pregnancy-is-so-naturalI've heard women describe pregnancy as a wonderful experience, something that is just so natural. That's the word I've heard again and again, 'natural.' I envy women who feel that way and I hope I don't offend anyone when I say that my experience with pregnancy has been the most foreign, unnatural experience I have ever had. It gets more familiar with each child, but never has it felt 'natural' to me. I would use descriptive words such as foreign, invasive, bizarre, or unnatural. Unfortunately, I'd even take it a step further- when my babies start moving around, I'm often reminded of the old movie Aliens and can't help but wonder if some strange being is about to rip itself out of my abdomen.

I'm sure people are shocked and possibly offended by my saying this. No doubt sermons about how Godlike and perfect the ability to procreate are running through their heads. These are principles I understand, but I also think that we sometimes need to step up and admit that we don't all come from the same mold. We all experience things differently. And if you feel pregnancy is natural, then you can own that and I will try and understand how you feel that way...when my experience is so vastly different. Pregnancy is a wonderful and beautiful experience. I in no way mean to diminish that. But I also don't want people feeling bad if they don't take to it like a duck to the water.

On another note, I'm flying to L.A. this week for my best friends wedding. I'm honored to be her Matron of Honor. This has brought up, however, some interesting challenges. For one thing, how does one forecast one's dress size while pregnant and have it fitted without being able to go to any fittings? In this case, we guessed really big to guarantee it would fit over my belly. She mailed it to me as soon as it was ready and I had three weeks to have it altered to fit. That caused me a good amount of worry. I've already learned that I'm a worrier. If there's worry to be found, I will find it, mull over it, feel anxiety from it, and possibly lose sleep while I'm at it. However, I'm happy to report that I now have a great dress and can't wait to hobble down that Isle.

Leaving my kids is always hard. I miss them terribly. I worry about them (repeat previous section about worry here). There's a small part of my brain that is telling me I'm about to have baby number five and should take this long weekend to relax and enjoy myself. But how does one turn off the worry?

On a smaller and more vain note, I've reached the point in my pregnancy that I usually don't allow people to photograph me; no need for physical evidence of my appearance from here on out. I'm having to put my vanity aside and accept that I will forever be documented in her wedding album as having a double chin. Oh well. It's not really about me anyway, so I think I can let that one go. Maybe. :-)

So after my trip it will be time to get down to business and prepare for this baby. There's a lot that needs to be done, including swapping the boys and girls bedrooms. I'm excited to get to it....because I'll never know exactly when this little monster will be ready to burst out.

]]>Mon, 01 Aug 2011 00:37:02 GMThttp://pregnantmother.weebly.com/home/the-dreaded-glucose-testI have to devote at least one entry to the ever dreaded glucose test. I've seen it done several ways, and let me tell you, some ways are better than others. I'm sitting here in the lab waiting. I checked in almost a half an hour ago and am still waiting for them to give me the sugar drink. After I take the drink I have to wait an hour before they draw my blood. So wouldn't it make sense for them to give me the drink as soon as I check in, since I'll be waiting an hour anyway? Hmmmm, seems logical to me.

I've tried three flavor variations of the sugar drink- the standard orange, lemon lime, and grape. They are all equally nasty. I have to fast before hand and they usually make me so sick it's hard not to throw up. Some labs refrigerate it and it's definitely better going down if it's cold. I wonder if these guys will.

So while I'm currently experiencing the least effective way to do this test (and the biggest waste of my time) I'll happily remember the coolest way. When I lived in San Diego my doctors were so in touch with the insurance and lab that on the doctors visit before I had the glucose test, my doctor sent me home with the sugar drink and instructions. I called the lab and made an appointment, then I drank the sugar drink on my own, one hour before my appointment. I then walked in a few minutes before my appointment, waited five minutes to be taken back, and had my blood drawn. How refreshing! It was wonderful! How nice to be able to just handle it on my own and not have to wait hours before I can get my blood drawn.

But no, I have to sit here in this office and wait 40 minutes before they even call me back to a second waiting room. After an additional 10 minutes I'm finally checked in and given my drink. I was given the choice between lemon lime and orange. I went with lemon lime, only to be told that the guy didn't realize they were out of lemon lime and I'd have to have orange. Lovely. You know, to this day I still can not drink orange soda because it reminds me of this dang test. At least it was cold. ]]>Sun, 10 Jul 2011 11:43:15 GMThttp://pregnantmother.weebly.com/home/birthing-optionsOkay, time for a rant. I was watching a documentary on the evils of modern medicine and obstetricians. It mainly focused on how the medical field today is so obsessed with law suits and liability that they are stealing away a mothers ability to have a 'natural' childbirth experience. I had mixed feelings about the whole thing. I agree that there are probably way too many C-sections because doctors are afraid of being sued for not acting quick enough. However, anytime I watch a show that tries to influence someone so openly, I bristle. It seems like someone who is not informed could be greatly influenced by such a show and ultimately not do what is best for her and her child. Let me explain. I was sympathetic to the show because I had a very negative experience with my first birth. My OB was condescending and led me to believe he was the baby God and I was a little minion that knew nothing. He even asked me at one point where I was getting all the questions I was asking him....um, let me think....MY BIRTHING CLASS INSTRUCTOR. When it came time to have my 'experience' it was very rushed and impersonal. Push push, snip snip, rip, here's your child. I've since used midwives in the hospital for all my births and LOVED them. They do seem to take more time to be personal and listen me about what I want my labor experience to be. They also tend to lean more towards allowing a mother to choose how she wants to proceed. Unfortunately, for this birth, I will not be using a midwife. There are none in my area that my insurance accepts and they won't allow me to go out of network. So I am stuck with an OB and it does have me a bit nervous because of my first experience.

There are a lot of options when it comes to selecting a specific birth experience. There are traditional hospital births, birthing centers (an intriguing idea), and more and more it's becoming popular to have a home birth. I know several people that opted to have their baby at home. I personally would not want to have a home birth. My biggest concern there is that if something went wrong fast, I would not have access to the care that I might need. It would require a life flight to the hospital and that is not an experience I want to have. Secondly, I like the idea of people cleaning up after me and taking care of me, and lastly, I need that separation from my kids so I can rest for a couple of days before having to focus on them too. There are also a lot of pain management choices that one has to make.

So getting back to this documentary, they really pushed for the fact that a woman is capable of birthing a baby on her own without the surgeons and hospitals and we as woman are being cheated. Now here's where my real rant begins. I am all for having a natural childbirth experience. I did it with two of my four and love that I made that choice. However, this is not a choice for everyone. We have medical care and if someone has a desire to feel less pain through an epidural, why do the makers of that show think they have the right to say that they are less of a woman for using the technology that we have? I'm all for people choosing what is right for them and their family, regardless of anything else. The show quoted the evils of induced scheduled labors. This time around I'm actually considering setting a date and if I don't go by that date, scheduling an induction. This is something in the past that I would have never considered. However, because of my particular circumstances, I'm looking at it. I have a history of rapid labor and my hospital is an hour away. That's a bit scary. I have help coming into town so the timing has to be good, etc. It doesn't make me a bad mom because I would consider using modern medicine to get where we need to be when we need to be there.

I'm also thinking I will try my hand at an epidural. I've had the natural experience enough and really don't like transition. :-) I wouldn't mind missing it. Now grant you, I must warn all mothers to be that even if they are choosing to get an epidural, they should prepare for the possibility of not getting it in time or that it might not work correctly (both experiences that I have had). I decided last time with Henry that I was going to get one and it was great, right until the time that my contractions broke through and it stopped working. Plus the anesthesiologist had gone home so I was stuck transitioning with no help...yet again. It might be nice to actually have some pain relief up to the end and I'm hopeful that this will happen this time. Am I to feel guilty because I feel this way? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

So I guess what I'm trying to say is it's good to know your options. It's great to know what you want and have a provider that is supportive of that. However, ultimately, a mom needs to do what is best for her at that time in her life and follow that. There is no one right way. So much of parenting is taking what fits into your own personal parenting philosophy and throwing the rest out the window. I'm grateful to have had the experiences in my past that help me be less impressionable and stronger in my ideas about how I want things to go for Sadie and I. ]]>Sun, 26 Jun 2011 23:11:46 GMThttp://pregnantmother.weebly.com/home/i-feel-fantasticThere comes a time in the second trimester of each of my pregnancies where I just feel FANTASTIC!! Well, I've finally hit that time (about a month late, mind you...I was beginning to wonder if it was ever going to happen). Now what you have to understand about how I feel pregnant is that the feelings are all relative and directly correlated with those both before and after the current feelings. So I say I feel fantastic, but the reality is that if I felt the way I do right now on a normal, non-pregnant day, I'd probably feel pretty crappy. But because I've been feeling rediculously crappy for months, there's a noticeable difference and I perceive myself to feel great. It's really all about perspective, isn't it? Never-the-less, this last week or so I have felt great! I have no nausea. I'm not depressed or ovwewhelmed. At best, I'm just a little tired (also a relative concept).

Summer's blazing on, quite literally. I'm spending tons of time doing activities with my kids and the whole family is very happy. And the surprising part is that I'm really enjoying the time I'm getting with them. I didn't expect that. When I planned to be super organized this summer, I was motivated more by my desire to not have to deal with four bored and cranky kids. I wanted a moderately clean house and some semblance of order. I was terrified at the thought of having all four home all day. Who knew I would end up absolutely loving all the time I'm spending with them. The schedule has me pretty exhausted by the end of each week, but I figured I'd be tired anyway and at least everyone's happy.

So I'm happy to report that I'm finally feeling pretty good. I should get to enjoy this for a few more weeks before I get too uncomfortable to say I feel good. Hopefully by then the kids will be back in school. My youngest starts preschool this year so I will have approximately two and a half months when I get three hours a day with no children home!! Wow!! That may very well be the best two and a half months of my having young children. :-) I even signed up to volunteer at the library once or twice a week. Mostly though, I'm just excited for a little peace and quiet before baby arrives.

]]>Sat, 18 Jun 2011 16:08:49 GMThttp://pregnantmother.weebly.com/home/post-title-click-and-type-to-editI'm happy to announce that after two weeks of being shuffled from office to office and struggling to get my ultrasound scheduled, I finally got it. There were issues with finding a participating provider (I had to drive into Orlando), then there were issues of finding the correct specialist to do the visit, so my records were sent to three offices before we nailed it down. Since I went through such an exasperating time trying to get it nailed down the woman who scheduled it took pity on me and squeezed me in a day after the phone call (instead of the two weeks out that they were scheduling). Hallelujah!! Of course, by the time I finally spoke to the right person I was in tears. Why is it people are almost always more willing to help me when I am in tears? And I'd managed to not cry for the entire frustrating process...up until I did. Maybe later I'll spend some time talking about pregnancy crying. I find it to be a very comical topic.

I really liked having the specialist there for the ultrasound (one of those high risk perks I was talking about) because it meant I got immediate feedback at the visit. Usually one has to wait until her OB gets the results before you know if there are any problems. The ultrasound technicians exasperatingly explain that they aren't allowed to interpret the ultrasound and it has to be done by a doctor and then you have to wait a few weeks before you know if there are any major problems. Because the specialist was there I was immediately informed that everything looks great and there doesn't appear to be any problems.

It appears we will be having another little girl. I don't know how I feel about this. I really didn't have much of an opinion either way. I already have two girls and two boys, so I kind of figured it would either be three and two, or two and three. My only real motivating factor was that the boys room is already set up for three, so if we have a girl, we will probably have to make the kids switch rooms. But that didn't really seem like a good reason to want a boy. And the girls are beside themselves excited.

My only other small frustration is that I'd all but picked a boys name which was perfect. We have NO girl names that we can agree on. Dan literally hates all names I suggest (nice family names from my side...really good names, mind you and his names are terrible. Up until today we had yet to find one that we would even consider together. However, today Dan suggested one that I agreed to consider. So does one name on the table constitute headway in the naming department? Not sure.

As long as I'm talking about the ultrasound, I might as well also share a bit about my fears for an unhealthy child. I have four beautiful babies and the worst problem we have had to face was a herniated belly button. Is it silly for me to feel like I'm pressing my luck and can't possibly expect to have another perfect healthy child? Well, it's on my mind. I'm thoughtful about the upcoming birth as well. Four healthy vaginal deliveries. So many people have trouble with pregnancies and deliveries. How is it I have done this so well. Doesn't this mean that I'm just asking for trouble hoping for a fifth? Hopefully not, but one can't help but feel like they are pressing their luck when things have worked out so well thus far. ]]>