When I started this blog, I thought it’d be mainly pictures – I adjusted my main content width accordingly, and it’s still my plan to be fairly photography-heavy. I’m a photographer and (relatedly, but not necessarily consequentially) I take a lot of pictures of stuff. Most of my blog categories – which I created before I started posting – reflect that. I’m not all that surprised that I haven’t got around to posting many pics, though – it’s been a weird summer, I’ve had a working laptop for just two weeks, and I’m still getting back into the swing of things.

I did manage to start vlogging, which I’m really pleased about. It’s definitely a new thing for me, and the kind of new thing where I really don’t know what I’m doing, but it’s fun and I’m glad I jumped in. My vlogging goal for this coming week is the same as last – put up two videos, no content requirements, though it would be nice if I could manage to get a song up with my guitar! I recorded (audio only, vocals only) and posted a version of For You by Angus and Julia Stone this week, which is a start. I’m also proud of myself for only feeling the briefest of needs to make excuses for my singing. Not sure if that will extend to my guitar playing, but at this point I feel like I’ve said I’m terrible at these things so frequently that it would be impossible for someone to think I think I’m good. Makes no sense, but that’s my brain for you. And anyway, if they do, what of it?

Maybe I’ll make some “channel art” for my youtube channel, but I wouldn’t hold my breath on that one. Design-wise, what I really want to do is open my graphic design shop on Etsy. I made a banner and avatar this week, and now I need to fill out my profile, policies, and come up with something to list. I don’t have a lot of premade work handy and I’m looking to focus on custom work, so it’s a bit tricky.

Also tricky: talking to strangers. For some reason I don’t even want to pinpoint, I’d been thinking about signing up on OKCupid for a while, and earlier this week – one sleepless night at 3 AM – I did just that. Things I like about OKCupid: it’s an excellent time-waster if you like answering questions! Things I don’t like about OKCupid: the body type options, the lack of options outside the gender binary and the heterosexual/bisexual/homosexual trifecta. The weird shit that pops up as you type your signup. You’re a bot! The person who programmed you has probably never heard of where I live! Also, whatever their ‘Special Blend’ thing is when you sort your matches – you’re not supposed to show me people who are racist and fatphobic! Especially if they’re cute-looking enough for me to check their profile and be horrified!

Things I’m unsure about about OKCupid: uh, people. I’m… not great at people. I actually haven’t answered any messages in three days. I did put a note in my profile that sometimes my anxiety gets the best of me and it may take me a while to sit down and write back. Things that aren’t specific to OKCupid but being on that site has made me aware of: there are a lot of people who suck for a lot of different reasons. I’m so glad I have my dealbreakers straight.

Other thoughts: I want to do an outfit challenge, but I’m not decided on what type yet. I like the 30×30 remix challenge (found via Kaity) – my life is a remix challenge already, but drawing the lines would make it more fun and creative. I have a couple of ideas that will have to wait until October at the earliest, like # days of hats or # days of knitwear, or maybe even # days of wearing things I made. The other challenge I’m thinking about for September is something like ’30 days of closet cosplay,’ i.e., 30 days of outfits inspired by fictional characters. Which one should I do? Somebody choose for me.

The title is a little misleading because let’s be real, when am I ever not ready for fall? But here are some things that made me feel better (instead of worse because there’s still a bit of summer left, and the heat is killing me) while I was browsing my Etsy favorites. Enjoy.

I look awful in browns and I have no wiggle room in my budget to buy things for myself, but sometimes it’s nice to look at them. Plus, Device is moving and running a sale, which I think SOMEONE should take advantage of, even if it’s not me. I have a dress from that collection and it’s wonderful. (You’ll definitely see it around here soon!)

If you missed my previous post today and you’re that way inclined, you can hear me singing For You by Angus and Julia Stone, vocals only (I am not yet even remotely capable of picking that song well – I’m not really used to fingerpicking!), here.

Hope everyone had a good Friday! Mine was terrible but I’m having a good night.

I think a lot about blogging but none of it seems to lead to actual blog posts. I need very specific ideas – and then I need to be able to execute them, which can be hard at times. See:

1. Style posts: I have to shoot! Outside! In the heat! The horror. Plus, my mom has been doing morning hours for an elderly lady and she’s always tired in the evening. It’s a bit tricky to shoot when your tripod doesn’t want to get off the couch.

2. Showcase posts: I have to shoot… and I honestly don’t know why I’m not doing it. I actually feel super guilty about this. I blame my anxiety and Indiegogo.

3. I still want to vlog about Indiegogo and I’m not sure what’s taking me so long. Lack of coherence due to heat? Let’s go with that. Also, my sister insists on being here. Which, fine, whatever, it is our room now for the next six months but I need a lot of alone time to function and even more alone time to work once I do function, and it’s becoming increasingly harder to get. When does school start? Can it be now? Bonus: it will be fall and it won’t be as hot! Yes, let’s fast-forward to September.

4. Fashion design and sewing: Also not doing any of it! Because my sewing machine (my mom’s Alfa from the 80s) gets pretty hot and because I’m prioritizing catching up on product photography over sewing my rewards. But I’m definitely placing a Spoonflower order this week… which means I should send some emails. This is not how I expected this bullet point to go. My to-do list keeps crawling into things. Shoo.

5. Graphic design: I actually don’t know how to blog about this. But I’m working on my Etsy shop for it! Just having trouble coming up with something to list so I can open it. It would probably help if I got back to this one person. Probably. And if I told this other person I got their stuff. Maybe. Who knows. Personing is hard.

6. Issues I have with news reactions and the like: My problem with this is what I want to say often feels too long for Twitter but too short for a blog post or a video, so I end up not saying anything. Which is not a good thing. Short posts are good, right? I keep seeing that. I need to get out of the mindset that I need some substance to start a blog post – things always get out of hand length-wise anyway. (See also: this post.) Also, I don’t have a tag or category for this. What would I call that? I have an Everything Else category, but if I actually start ranting about issues, that could get flooded.

7. Guitar videos: I’m actually mostly concerned with the copyright issues/what YouTube allows. I sing (poorly) and play (also poorly) songs by other people, so as I understand it, I can’t monetize those videos, but I’m not all that familiar with the monetization thing yet and I don’t want to fuck up in some way I’m not aware of. Any posts on this out there?

But hey, I wrote this up! That’s a post. And my sister left, and I have a vlog I want to make. So it’s all getting easier. Maybe. It might.

I haven’t done Weekly Wishes in a few weeks, ever since I failed catastrophically at doing any sewing at all, but new laptop, new blog, new motivation! At least a new attempt to find some in the depths of this heat-induced laziness I’ve fallen victim to. Yes, let’s not blame me. Let’s blame the summer. Let’s be real, in large part it is the summer’s fault. That’s why this week’s image is some yellowed leaves in October; I am turning my back on the season. Indiegogo shares some of the blame, too, for giving my anxiety so much time to be paranoid that I had to take it slow and stay calm to avoid a full-on meltdown. I maintain that they should give me a gift card for therapy or something. I’ll probably vlog about this.

While I try to remember how to be a functional human being, I’ve been thinking about the past year and how much has changed for me since I started taking antidepressants last August. I sort of quit writing altogether, which had been stressing me out more than it had been making me happy for some time, but for six months – until Etsy ate my life – I kept up with my daily to-do lists.

My daily to-do lists basically started three years ago in the hope that I’d eventually fix my sleep schedule. Technically, I just ran one long to-do list, and every ten-twelve days, I listed six new tasks with the days listed next to them in a row. I’d circle each day if I accomplished its respective task. At the end of the ten-twelve-day period, if I’d managed the task a majority of days, I marked the overall to-do item as complete (with a checkmark and color marker); if not, I marked it as unfilled (with a cross and no color).

Before I gave that up for the new year, I was doing a fairly decent job of keeping up with the four middle tasks (self-care, reading, exercising, and playing guitar), and my usual awful job of accomplishing the frame two (get up and go to bed early).

All this to say my weekly wishes for this week are in the vein of those tasks. I’m setting three goals for myself that I’m hoping to do every day for the next week. Was it The Happiness Project that had a line about how things are easy to do if you do them every day or only once in a while, but not if you do them every other day, or once a week, etc.? I know I read that somewhere. Which is not to say it’s true, but it’s true for me that doing things every single day without skipping any is the only way they become close to a habit and therefore easier to do.

These are the habits I’m hoping to build/regain this week:

1. Take pictures every day: We’re talking take pictures of things, mainly, because I owe a ton of product photography to Etsy sellers I’ve traded with; my old laptop wouldn’t cooperate when it came to editing, so I kept putting off the shooting part until I had the new one, and like I mentioned above, Indiegogo made me wait forever for my funds. So there’s a lot to shoot (fun, as long as I’m awake during daylight), and there’s a lot to model (which is the hardest part sometimes, putting on makeup and doing anything that requires me to step out of my room in this heat), and there’s a lot to edit (which is blissfully smooth now that my laptop doesn’t freeze every minute or overheat and shut down on a regular basis).

2. Stretch every day: I want to get back into exercising daily, but I don’t particularly have any intention of doing proper workouts. When I was doing well in this area, I was basically doing sets of stretching/sit-ups/dips/leaps/etc. scattered along the day – low time commitment, no sweat (literally). My energy levels are too low for strength conditioning at the moment, but there is one thing I can do, and that’s stretch. By which I mean pike stretching and straddle stretching (and stretching as warmup, but that’s not the goal). Last year I came so close to the splits! Now that I can watch gymnastics on my laptop again, I’m hoping that will motivate me.

3. Blog every day: This overlaps with #1 in a way – it would be nice to get back into fashion blogging! But mostly I want to get into blogging in general, and this is really something that only becomes a habit if I do it every day. Otherwise I’m prone to let two days become two weeks, at which point I feel like I should apologize for not being around, and that’s no way to build a blog.

I also want to start vlogging – I’m not shooting for doing that every day, but if I could get a video up before, say, Thursday, and then another one before the next Weekly Wishes, that would be pretty great. I just need to zero in on a subject, or decide to do an intro vid once and for all. Do any of you guys vlog? How did you get started?

Saying I love getting mail would be an understatement. Things! For me! What could possibly be better? My love for mail has been rekindled since I started selling on Etsy – trading is amazing, y’all – so when Melyssa from The Nectar Collective decided to start a snail mail exchange, I was pretty quick to sign up. (I’d say I signed up immediately, but that would have been irresponsible. I take my budget into account for these things. For most everything. It’s a good trait to have! Especially when your budget is practically zero.)

Anyway, I haven’t signed up this month for – the very reason I just mentioned in that parenthetical, but I was paired with Dana from Stationery Lover in July, and I had a wonderful experience! I felt a little inadequate when I got my package – all I sent was a postcard and some prints! In my defense, I’m pretty new at this penpal thing. I’ll do better next time. Whenever that is.