There is, it seems, a tiny teddy bear appreciation society. Whether an Arnott’s employee was a member or not it unclear, but apparently a biscuiteer at the firm had the bright idea of shrinking the regular Teddy Bear biscuit down to miniature size.

However, they obviously decided to lose the ‘homicidal folk dancer’ character and instead introduced six new ones – Happy, Sleepy, Grumpy, Cheeky, Silly and Cheesy. It’s not immediately clear, without the legend on the box, which character is which, although the faint cheddar flavour gives Cheesy away every time. It’s been a while since we have a competition, so the first person to correctly identify the three characters pictured below wins a box of these biscuits.

These Tiny Teddies are half coated in milk chocolate, and you get seventy two teddies in a box – that’s a fair few teddies to chomp through.

They are quite good – crunchy and moreish. Just take care as the fur gets stuck in your teeth. I’m going to give these a seven out of ten.

A little while ago, we looked at the Teddy Bear biscuit. You may remember we where a bit underwhelmed; a rather boring, slightly-too-hard biscuit that warranted only a five out of ten. So what of their chocolate-covered brethren?

First up, this is an unusual packet design. Rather than the usual slightly stylised image of the actual biscuits, this pack has a jolly dancing bear on the front. This probably because the biscuits themselves barely resemble bears at all, looking rather more like an irregular puddle of lumpy chocolate.

They are fully coated (enrobed, in the jargon) with chocolate, but not with milk chocolate. This is another interesting choice; one imagines Teddy Bears are aimed at the younger generation, but here we find them coated with sophisticated dark chocolate.

So how do they taste? Well, they are extremely good. That slightly-too-hard boring biscuit compliments the rich chocolate beautifully, delivering a very satisfying mixture of crunchy texture and delicious coating. It’s like a different biscuit; indeed it’s hard to believe that there really is a plain Teddy Bear lurking in there, and Arnott’s have not tweaked the recipe for this line. However, to ensure this was not the case your intrepid correspondent painstakingly licked all the chocolate off a Chocolate Teddy Bear, and was pleased to note the standard Teddy was indeed underneath, complete with indistinct markings and a homicidal expression. (I was going to include a photo but it actually looked a bit revolting; like some kind of teddy bear roadkill.)

The addition of plain chocolate to these biscuits is pure genius, and boosts further the esteem in which I hold the Arnott’s biscuiters. I’m going to give these an eight out of ten.

… will you be in for a big surprise? I suppose you would be if you were a teddy bear, although if they eat Teddy Bears at a teddy bear picnic it would be a bit cannabalistic.

Arnott’s Teddy Bear biscuits are part of the ‘simple goodness’ range, and are aimed at children and people who like edible cute things. Each biscuit is shaped to resemble a waving teddy bear. However, the actual biscuits are not nearly so embossed as the packet depiction suggests, and to my mind have a rather sinister air, kind of like an angry homicidal folk dancer.

These biscuits are also not quite what you expect when you eat them. They are baked to quite a high, hard bake, and are quite thick – about 8mm thick in the middle (although the taper off slightly at the edges). This hardness is quite surprising, at least to me; somehow I expect they are going to be more crumbly. Perhaps it is so these biscuit survive better in the hands of toddlers and angry folk dancers.

The ingredients are very straightforward, and are all things you would find in your cupboards at home – flour, sugar, vegetable oil, golden syrup, eggs, baking powder and salt. The golden syrup does not come through very strongly at all, so these biscuits are quite ‘plain’ tasting. In fact, they are rather dull. They also dunk extremely badly; the outside of the biscuit quickly goes nasty and soggy, whilst the thickness prevents the tea penetrating to the centre. This leaves a kind of soggy mess around a hard core, which is really not very good at all.

In summary, these biscuits are boring. They are not as teddy-bear-like as the packet suggests, and are not as much fun as the novelty shape of them might suggest. There is nothing wrong with them, and they do have a sort of home-baked taste. Just home baked by someone who scrimped on the expensive ingredients and left them in the oven a bit too long. Maybe a five out of ten?