Growing and Changing

August 18, 2019/

“Remember, growing might feel like breaking at first.”

I have this notebook page filled with new ideas on what to write next…but when I stumbled upon this quote earlier, it kind of hit me like a ton of bricks and I knew I had to run with it. Ever have those moments where you feel like the universe is SCREAMING at you!? That’s what this was.

I feel like a broken ass record sometimes when I sit here to talk to you, and all I can do is muster up the same words about the same old feelings… Being lost, and scared, and overwhelmed. I don’t know about you, but those are feelings I struggle with very very often. But then when I take a deep breath to sit back and assess my situation, it’s never quite as bad as my head is telling me it is.

I’m finding that the older I get, the more I’m changing (and the faster). Which of course is like a big fat NO SHIT, TAYLOR. But in comparison to growing up, even during school, I feel like I always knew who I was. I had this hypothetical list of things that I liked/disliked, did/didn’t do, etc. And I never strayed away. I never doubted who I was, because I felt like it was just obvious. Especially once you start getting a “reputation” of sorts, it begins to feel like we just sit back and settle in to our familiar ways. Not changing things, because we are in fact, too comfortable.

The fact of the matter is simple though–”If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we aren’t really living.”

I’m coming to understand that more & more. We simply do not go through this whole entire life as THE SAME PERSON. None of us. We are constantly having new experiences that shape us into who we become. For example, do you think that when a caterpillar is born, it knows that one day it will be this big beautiful butterfly? Or do you think it goes through life, facing it’s own little bug struggles, and eventually builds a chrysalis–not because it’s what all the cool kids are doing, and they want to fit in–but because without change, there is no growth. Easy and complex as that. And though it may not make sense right now in front of our faces, one day we will see the bigger picture and perhaps be grateful for our hurt and fears and hard times along the way. Because we chose to take those and learn from them, instead of letting them defeat us. And THAT is what change is about.