Thursday, May 5, 2011

once upon a time i failed as a human being

this is a dramatization of actual events. don't worry mom, i was never in this much pain**

So there's the end point... me sitting in the emergency room. You can tell because I've got one of those super bitchin' bracelets on that I like to think only the most stylish of people get to wear. However, now that you know the end point, I'm gonna Quentin Taratino this bad boy....

One (1) Hour Earlier:

Early evening. Southern California. As James is leaving for work I decide that I am going to take a walk to the friendly neighborhood dollar store and see if I can scrounge up some sort of ingredients for some sort dinner. So he drives away and I wave and it's all so very Norman Rockwell on my street with people out walking their dogs and the sun shining. It's probably very close to 90 degrees, but it's pleasant.

Before I head down the block toward the store, I notice that there is a parking space open for my motorized vehicle to take. You see the urban holy ritual of street cleaning will commence the next morning and my little car needs to be in that spot. So I make a little detour and park my car in the little spot. I congratulate myself for multi-tasking on this excursion of mine and now resume my original trajectory.

Now to get back on track I have three options. I can walk in the middle of the street. I can walk on top of the parked cars. Or I can walk on the curb/grass next to the cars. I feel like it's pretty normal to choose the latter of these three options. So I walk along the curb like I have dozens upon dozens of times. Sometimes I pretend I'm a gymnast on the balance beam, but not this time. This time I just walked like a normal human being.

This time I also broke my foot.

How the bone actually cracked (the lovely term the ER nurses liked to use) is still a bit unclear, but my left foot

this is a dramatization of the bottom of my left foot. my left foot is not a scary witch foot

landed on the edge of the curb (as opposed to the top of the curb)

copyright Melina 2011

and it resulted in this amazing fashion statement:

One broken foot. No rolled ankle or loss of balance. No tears... Bela Karolyi would be proud.

Thankfully James literally picked me up off the street and took me to get mended up and all is well. Just super annoying that I will now be hobbling around. And, you know, sporting some gorgeous medical attire.

**this was actually mortification as James suddenly became Annie Leibovitz and decided to turn the ER waiting room into a photo shoot... well, and it's me being a little dramatic.