Political Jokes are Universal Jokes

Good jokes, specially political jokes, can be universal jokes. They can make us laugh, and can also force us to think about the serious problems. In these days, that is full of shit, it’s not bad to take a look at several political jokes, and laugh at some of them that are new jokes or good jokes:

A scientist, an accountant, an economist, and a journalist apply for a political job. The interviewer, that is a veteran politician, calls in the scientist and asks “What do two plus two equal?” The scientist replies “4”. The interviewer asks “4, exactly?” The scientist looks at the interviewer incredulously and says “Yes, 4, exactly”. Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question “What do two plus two equal?” The accountant says “On average, four -give or take 20 percent, but on average, four”. The interviewer calls in the economist and ask the same question “What do two plus two equal?” The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says, “What do you want it to equal?”. Then the interviewer calls in the journalist and poses the same question, “What do two plus two equal?” The journalist smiles and says, “It depends on how much you want to pay [me]”.

New Types of Computer Viruses:

WESTERN DEMOCRACY VIRUS – Doesn’t do anything, but you can’t get rid of it until next election.
RUSSIA VIRUS – nothing works on your system and your life, but the diagnostic tools says everything is just fine.
ARAB VIRUS – kills you and your computer, by exploding a handmade bomb in your room.
MULLAH VIRUS – crashes both you and your computer, but denies it ever happened.
ISRAEL VIRUS – It claims it feels threatened by you or your PC and then erases you or your PC in ‘self-defense’.
AMERICA VIRUS – Makes sure that it’s bigger than any other file. Recently, it’s just a big, stupid, harmless file.
OBAMA VIRUS – Deletes all files, but keeps smiling and sending messages about how the economy is going to get better.
CAPITALISM VIRUS – Puts your computer to sleep for years. When your computer wakes up, you’re trillion dollars in debt.
MARXISM VIRUS – Also known as the “CHOMSKY Virus.” You can wipe it out, but it always makes a comeback.
REZA PAHLAVI VIRUS – A stupid virus that just makes you laugh, but for deleting it you should buy a special American license from Germany.

A scientist, a journalist, and a politician are asked to find a black cat (who doesn’t really exist) in a closed room with the lights off. The scientist gets crazy trying to find a black cat that doesn’t exist inside the darkened room and ends up in a psychiatric hospital. The journalist is unable to catch the black cat that doesn’t exist inside the darkened room, but exits the room proudly proclaiming that he and the scientist can construct a model to describe all his movements with extreme accuracy. The politician walks securely into the darkened room, spends one hour looking for the black cat that doesn’t exits and shouts from inside the room that he has caught it by the neck”.

Western Charlatanism or Western Foolishness ?!

– They say all Iranians are blah blah blah; and all Iranians should suffer, because of Iran’s regime that they love it and aided it in killing and torturing you.
– They are creators of Colonialism, Fascism, Nazism, Holocaust, Gladiatorial Savagery, etc. They have killed millions
of Africans, Indians, native Americans, etc. They exploited almost all nations, and created two world wars and the greatest disasters in human history. They ruled the world, and still rule the world, with the law of the jungle.
– Their politicians and their media still are racist, fascist, and chauvinist. For instance, Romney has said: “Each of us could walk taller and stand straighter than other nations, because we had a gift that no one else in the world shared [!!]. We were Americans [!!]. That meant something special to all of us. We knew it without question [!]. And so did the world [!!]. Those days are coming back. That’s our destiny [!!]”. God Bless Hitler and Mussolini !
– Their anti-immigrant groups, their neo-Nazi groups, their fascists, their terrorists, their religious fanatics, their corrupt politicians, their corrupt systems, their stupid and corrupt media, and their shameful behaviors show you that European Fascism, American Chauvinism, and Western Tribalism, that belongs to the Stone Age, are still very serious problems in the West.
– They call you Iranian, and see you and treat you as one of Iranians that should be punished, because you were born in Iran.
But If you criticize them and their shameful behaviors, or if you defend many Iranians, that are more civilized and wiser than them, they would say : ‘it’s racism’ ! or ‘You are nationalist’.
Iranian Conclusion: Compared to them, animals, including dogs and horses, seem like civilized human beings. These bastards have no shame, because if they had a little bit shame, even 1%, they would die of shame, and would commit suicide.
Western Conclusion: You should treat them like themselves. You should say that all of them should be punished and the world should impose sanction on all of them, because of their regimes and their politicians. It’s less that they really deserve it.
American Conclusion: If the US was like Persia and had a long and glorious history; if the US was not a newborn country that its short history is full of shit, blood, massacre, racism, and horrible dark points; if Americans were not immigrants of different countries and if we had ‘American race’; and if the US was like Persia, and was cradle of civilization, and was the oldest country and greatest civilizaiton of the world, what they do ? They would call themselves ‘God’, and would force other people to worship them ! As old proverbs say: “God knew donkey, and that’s why he didn’t give him many things”

A journalist or a classic intellect is someone who doesn’t know what he’s talking about – but makes you feel it’s your fault. A Monarchist is someone who doesn’t know what he’s talking about – but he just loves barking and talking nonsense. A Mullah or a Basiji is someone who doesn’t know what he’s talking about – but he can convince you that the West is the main supporter of the Mullah regime. An American politician is someone who doesn’t know what he’s talking about – but he can show you how stupid Americans are. An Iranian baboon is someone who doesn’t know what he’s talking about – but he can earn money and get visa by talking nonsense and by betraying people.

When Albert Einstein died, he met three Iranians in the queue outside the Pearly Gates. To pass the time, he asked what were their IQs. The first replied 190. “Wonderful,” exclaimed Einstein. “We can discuss about atomic physics and my theory of general relativity”. The second answered 150. “Good,” said Einstein. “I look forward to discussing the role of nuclear bombs in the quest for world peace”. The third Iranian mumbled 25. Einstein paused, and then said: “Oh, hi, Mr. Reza Pahlavi. What is your forecast for Iran’s future and the future of the Monarchy system?”

The Political Systems

SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The State takes one and gives it to politicians, and pretends they are poor people.
COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The State takes both of them and gives you 1% of the milk.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The State takes both of them, then kill you, and sells your family the milk.
MULLAH SYSTEM before 2009: You have two cows. The State takes both of them, and gives one cow to the West, and gives the milk to the Arabs. But the West, the Left, and the Islamist pretend that you are happy with the Mullahs.
MULLAH SYSTEM after 2009: You have two cows. The State takes both of them, shoots you, and arrests and tortures your family with the help of the West and the Lefts.
EASTERN SYSTEM: You have two cows. The state takes both of them, accidentally kills one and spills the milk in the sewer.
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull, and then kill other cows, specially your neighbors’ cows
JAPANESE SYSTEM: You have two cows. But because the Japanese are master at inventing new things, you lose your two
cows after a Nuclear disaster in your nuclear reactors that belong to the Stone age.

WESTERN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The banker gets the milk, and the State takes one cow as your tax. But sooner or later they will take your second cow for helping the bankrupt banker and the corrupt politicians. RUSSIAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Putin and Medvedev take both of them, and you are very happy that they sell you 2% of the milk. AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. But after the election, only the 1% get their cows, while you, the 99%, just get two cows’ horns.
MONARCHY: You have two cows. The Monarch takes both of them, and sell you the milk only if you kiss the Monarch’s ass.
IRANIAN MONARCHY: You have two cows. The Monarch takes both of them, gives the milk to the West, and the West sells you 10% of the milk. And if you protest, the Monarch and the West would kill you. But finally the West will be tired of its old puppet Monarch, and replace it with a new Monarch, who bribe them more.

Q: How many Iranian victims does it take to change a regime in Iran? A1: None. If the West would just leave it alone, it would change itself soon. A2: None, If the West didn’t support the Mullahs and the Iranian traitors, and if the West didn’t aid the Mullahs in killing and torturing Iranians, it would changed in 2009 A3: None, if the West stops hurting and betraying Iranians inside Iran, and stops supporting Iranian dictators and Iranian bastards, from Reza Pahlavi to Mullahs, it would change soon.

Q: What’s the difference between a Monarchist and a befuddled old man with Alzheimer’s? A: The Monarchist is the one who barks like dogs and bites you. Q: What’s the difference between a Rajavist and a befuddled old man with Alzheimer’s? A: The Rajavist is the one who has a photo of Newt Gingrich, and assassinates you before you can answer this question. Q: What’s the difference between a Basiji and a befuddled old man with Alzheimer’s? A: The Basiji is the one who has a Canadian passport and a guide book, titled: “How to kill and torture Iranians with the help of the West”. Q: What’s the difference between a Mullah and a befuddled old man with Alzheimer’s? A: The Mullah is the one who has a British passport, and knows how to destroy Iran with the help of the UK. Q: What’s the difference between a stupid left (like Chomsky) and a befuddled old man with Alzheimer’s? A: stupid left is the one who still loves Marx’s books, specially the Communist Manifesto.

Some believe in Nation-o-logy. They, for instance, say: Americans are idiot, chauvinist, and religious fanatic. Frenchmen are pussy. Canadians are nude faggots. Britons are liar, shameless, and self-congratulation jerks. Germans are Nazi. Iranians are hypocrite, ass-kisser (Khayemal), and Iran-seller, specially when they live abroad. Arabs are brainless, terrorist, and locust-eater. Russians are happy slaves in a big frozen prison. The Chinese are working ants, who eat ants. But many don’t believe in Nation-o-logy, and say: “You can’t judge a nation, and all people in one country, by any standard. People are not like the dumbest animals or the rare creatures such as Pahlavists and Rajavists who are idiot as Americans, hypocrite as Iranians, liar as Britons, pussy as Frenchmen, slave as Russians, brainless as Arabs, shameless as Mullahs, and savage as animals”.

What is Western Democracy, and When and How the West defends Democracy :

– IRAN 1979, Egypt 2011: Western Democracy means “Supporting Islamists”. The West and its intellects defend Islamists because they know that the majority of people are stupid, and people and puppets of the West can keep the country backward.
– Yemen 2011: Western Democracy means Election with one candidate. Saudi dictator supports the brutal dictator, and finally the brutal dictator goes to the US, and his brutal deputy wins an election show with just one candidate.
Latin America: Western Democracy means Leftist Tyranny. The West and its intellects defend the lifelong dictators, because they know that the majority of people are so stupid, and people and puppets of the Left can keep region stupid and backward.
– Syria 2011: Western Democracy means ‘Stupid Civil war’. The Western intellects defend the brutal dictator, and the Western politicians help him through his British wife. They aid him in killing people, that are really alone. Then the West, the Arab dictators, and other jerks create a very stupid civil war, and then foreign countries try to decide about the destroyed country.
– Iran 2009: Western Democracy means ‘aiding Mullahs in killing the wise Iranians’. The West and its intellects know that Iranians are not stupid and can make a free and strong country. So, they should be brutally suppressed by the help of the West. In 2009, the West starts to show its true colors to all people, because the West and its puppets can’t fool Iranians any longer.
– Japan and Korea: Western Democracy means hate and military dictatorship. The West keeps Korea backward until 1980s, and the Japanese use their hatred of the US to rebuild their ruined country. Of course, Japan and Korea have a good chance. They are small countries in a remote area, and can be used against Russia and China. In fact, God saves them. – Western Europe after WW II: Western Democracy already means war and neo-Barbarism (now, it means corruption and hypocrisy). Only Nuclear Bombs can prevent the West from waging new world wars. Nuclear Bombs don’t allow them to kill or eat each others as before, and they are forced to be a little bit civilized. They rebuild their ruined countries, and Nuclear bombs work as an unwanted godsend for them.
– Eastern Europe after WW II: Western Democracy means Western Betrayals. The West repeatedly betrays the Eastern Europe and it leads to coin a special term: “Western Betrayal”. The West just uses the Eastern Europe and their pain and suffering to win some concessions form USSR. The Eastern Europe is a victim of the cold war and Western betrayals. Finally, God saves them.
– Iran 2012: Western Democracy means ‘sanction and nuclear issue’. Iranians know the true colors of the West and puppets of the West. The West is in deep shit, and confused. They are angry and censor Iranians’ voices. The West openly confesses that they don’t care about the freedom, democracy, and human rights. It’s the first time that the West and its intellects are forced to show their true colors in this way, and it’s a result of wisdom of a nation that is wiser than today’s Westerners. – Russia: Western Democracy means Putin Tyranny. When the Russians are so stupid, the West is so happy and congratulates Putin in first hours after the Election show. The West and its intellects are so happy that Russians are so stupid and Putin is a stupid version of Stalin.

Conclusion: The stupid utilitarians that only care about their short term interests and exploiting other people, and only the brutal force and the nuclear bombs can stop them and can prevent them from waging war, are animals. They are wolves in sheep’s clothing. They only love war, neo-barbarism, hatred, slavery, tyranny, and other animal things. What they say about democracy, humanity, freedom, and other human values is a joke, a very stupid joke.

Three Iranian intellects and three Western intellects were going for a trip by train. Before the journey, the Western intellects bought 3 tickets but Iranians only bought one. The Western intellects were glad their stupid colleagues were going to pay a fine. However, when the conductor was approaching their compartment, all three Iranian intellects went to the nearest toilet. The conductor, noticing that somebody was in the toilet, knocked on the door. In reply he saw a hand with one ticket. He checked it and the Iranians saved 2/3 of the ticket price. The next day, the Western intellects decided to use the same strategy- they bought only one ticket, but Iranian intellects did not buy tickets at all! When the Western intellects saw the conductor, they hid in the toilet, and when they heard knocking they handed in the ticket. But they did not get it back, because the Iranian intellects took it and went to the other toilet.

Obama is happy that Mullahs and Arabs aid him in reducing the oil price, and in the 2012 election. But he doesn’t know that Iranians are happier than him. His stupid sanctions and the current stupid farce are very useful for Iran and Iranians. All Iranians can see the true face of the West, and the Mullahs can’t destroy Iran’s oil resources any more. The stupid Arabs fuck their oil resources and sell 10 million barrels for a low price, while Iran’s oil resources are reserved for the future. It’s a historic dream, and all Iranians want that Iran learns to reserve its oil resources, develops other industries and manages itself without oil. Now, Canada thinks that the Middle East’ oil will be finished and then they will sell their stupid tar sand for $2,000 per barrel. But in the future, after the Mullah regime, when Persia is a free and strong country again, as it used to be, the Arabs should suck their camels’ cocks again, while those countries that betrayed Persians in these years should buy Persia’s oil at least $20,000 per barrel, of course, after sucking Iranians’ cocks. The payback time always comes sooner than what you think

As every educated man knows: Work = Power multiplied by (*) Time. And Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money. So, we have: Money = Work divided by ( / ) Knowledge. Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the Work done. So, the Less you Know, the more money you Make, and the better life you Have ! Conclusion: The brainless idiots, including politicians and ass-kissers (Khayemals), are the wealthiest and happiest men in the world.

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This entry was posted on Saturday, June 30th, 2012 at 8:34 pm and is filed under Humor and Satire. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
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