I Got Tagged by that Damn Pest, the Exterminator

This one’s been going around, I suppose it was going to get me in the end.I don’t normally bother with stuff like this, but I’m doing it just so I can tag Evanescent, who really hates doing stuff like this.

Here are the rules:

* We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.

* Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

* People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.

* At the end of your blog post, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

* Don’t forget to leave them each a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Here are my eight (extremely) random facts.

1. My greatest fear, my ‘phobia’, if you will, is having my eye poked out by an umbrella spoke.It happened to my great uncle Vincent many years before I was born, but I remember my mum telling me about it after I saw a photo of him and asked about it, and I think it’s just stuck with me.Incidentally, I don’t have a ‘thing’ about my eyes in general.In fact, I wear contact lenses and touch my eyes all the time.It’s just umbrella spokes.My brothers laugh at me when we walk in the rain, because I duck and dodge each one in over-elaborate, sudden movements.

2. When I’m watching TV with any group of people, and it’s something I really want to watch, I get really annoyed with anyone who talks or makes any noise or distraction that causes me to miss any of it.However, if it’s something that doesn’t interest me, I get bored very quickly and talk over it, even though it annoys the people who do like it.I know this makes me a big fat hypocrite, but I just can’t help it.

3. I am always bemused by the fact that everyone thinks The Shawshank Redemption was the greatest film of all time.It’s possible the most overrated film of all time, but certainly not the greatest.

4. While we’re on films, I can’t stand Citizen Kane.Don’t get me wrong, it was brilliant for the time, but frankly, it bored the arse off me.I had to watch it in a lecture at university for a film module.I fell asleep, and woke up half way through with a sudden yell that caused everyone around me to laugh.At least they got some entertainment.

5. I suffer from an unusual combination of acute road rage and complete cowardice.I get extremely angry with other road users, but only quietly, mumbling under my breath.I never honk my horn at anyone, because I’m scared that they’ll pull over and beat me up, even though they were in the wrong (by the way, I’m a lover, not a fighter).The only time I ever honk at anyone is if we’re both clearly about to drive in different directions from the same junction, in which case I let it go for about a fifteenth of a second and then drive away as fast as I can, constantly checking my rear view mirror.

6. I went to the gym last night.No, wait.Sorry, it wasn’t last night, it was six years ago.I hate going to the gym.I love sport, anything that involves skill and allows me to be competitive, but I hate exercising for the sake of it.The only thing I want to do less than run for any amount of time without actually getting anywhere while looking at a wall, is to run for any amount of time without actually getting anywhere while looking at a mirror!What the hell do they put them there for?The only thing that forces me into the gym every eight years or so is the fact that I hate my appearance, why would I want to look at it while I’m exercising?One day, I’m going to open a pub and call it The Gym.Then people like me can proudly tell their friends and family that they are going to the gym.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to the gym.”

“What, for an hour?”.

“Er, no, I’ll be there for a while.Maybe even all night.”

“Wow, that is commitment.So you’re going for a real workout?”

“Oh yes, it’ll be quite a session.”

“You’ll feel rough tomorrow.”

“I’m sure that I will, but sacrifices have to be made.”

7. Whenever I meet any male under any circumstances, when I’m deciding what I think of them, two things will always set them back: Younger than me but taller, or older than me but with a fuller head of hair.

8. A couple of years ago I had a job interview in Southport, just outside Liverpool.I left in plenty of time, but completely forgot that I had to drive through the Birkenhead Tunnel, which requires a toll.I had very little change in the car with me. When I was about three cars back in the queue, I could see from the signs that the fee was £1.25.I was frantically searching my car to scrape up enough shrapnel to make the fee.As I inched closer to the front, and crawled around the floor of my car looking for money, I eventually found the last penny just in time.It was an automated booth, with a bucket to drop the money into.I opened my window and threw the money in, but somehow, the last penny managed to miss, catch the edge, teeter tantalisingly for just a moment, and then fall off and roll under my car (the penny literally dropped).I tried to get out to retrieve it, but I’d parked so close to the machine that, try as I might, I couldn’t open the door wide enough to get out.People started to honk their horns.I started to panic.I decided to manoeuvre my car further away from the machine, so that I could get out, crawl under my car and retrieve the missing penny.Unfortunately, the barrier was right in front of me, and the car behind me was bumper to bumper with mine, and every other car behind him the same.I couldn’t move anywhere.Sweating profusely, I rifled through my glove box despairingly, where, eventually, I found another penny.Triumphantly, I dropped it carefully into the bucket, the barrier rose, and I drove off into the sunset amid a cacophony of car horns and expletives.

I didn’t get the job.The moral of the story: always brush your teeth after meals.

Number 2: I can kind-of appreciate. I have this really bad habit (completely unintentional) of “picking” the most poignant or emotional scene of a film or tv show and saying or doing something to completely undermine it. It’s never on purpose, it just seems to be a bizarre kind of irreverent synchronicity.

This entry was posted on June 26, 2007 at 9:36 pm and filed under Humor,Humour. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS feed.
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