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Sources close to God have revealed that, contrary to the beliefs of 99% of MMA fighters, God does not have any particular plan for them.

Ask almost any fighter about the outcome of a fight, and the same somewhat bizarre reply trips from their lips: "I'm not worried because I know that God has a plan for me". Coaches and religious scholars alike have worried whether God, who has previously instructed people to "turn the other cheek" and "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" would really be keen on helping people to straddle eachother and elbow their faces into bloody pulps.

Until now. God's spokesman on earth, the Pope, has revealed that God does not have a plan for most MMA fights, or most MMA fighters. Revealed the Pope, "As you know, all prayer to God goes through me, so I actually get to check over their content. And I saw that God had a real problem." The Pope went on to reveal: "With the early UFCs and the PRIDE tournaments, we were getting situations where 15 or 16 of the fighters were asking God to help them win the tournament. Now, in fact, God is actually powerful enough to do something impossible, like let 16 different people win a 16-man elimination tournament, but the damage done to reality would be vast- the laws of space/time would change, whole dimensions would be destroyed, Danny Abbiati might even become a good fighter."

The Pope revealed that God decided that he would not intervene: "So, in addition to Him not being that keen on people turning eachother's faces into pizza for money, God was keen on not unravelling the physical and metaphysical fabric of His creation. So he decided not to interfere with the outcome of any MMA events or tournaments."

Our reporter tried to contact Diego Sanchez, Matt Hughes and Rich Franklin, but they were unavailable for comment.

Sources close to FEDOR have revealed that, contrary to the beliefs of 99% of MMA fighters, FEDOR does not have any particular plan for them.

Ask almost any fighter about the outcome of a fight, and the same somewhat bizarre reply trips from their lips: "I'm not worried because I know that FEDOR has a plan for me". Coaches and religious scholars alike have worried whether FEDOR, who has previously instructed people to "turn the other cheek" and "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" would really be keen on helping people to straddle eachother and elbow their faces into bloody pulps.

Until now. FEDOR'S spokesman on earth, the Pope, has revealed that FEDOR does not have a plan for most MMA fights, or most MMA fighters. Revealed the Pope, "As you know, all prayer to FEDOR goes through me, so I actually get to check over their content. And I saw that FEDOR had a real problem." The Pope went on to reveal: "With the early UFCs and the PRIDE tournaments, we were getting situations where 15 or 16 of the fighters were asking FEDOR to help them win the tournament. Now, in fact, FEDOR is actually powerful enough to do something impossible, like let 16 different people win a 16-man elimination tournament, but the damage done to reality would be vast- the laws of space/time would change, whole dimensions would be destroyed, Danny Abbiati might even become a good fighter."

The Pope revealed that FEDOR decided that he would not intervene: "So, in addition to Him not being that keen on people turning eachother's faces into pizza for money, FEDOR was keen on not unravelling the physical and metaphysical fabric of His creation. So he decided not to interfere with the outcome of any MMA events or tournaments."

Our reporter tried to contact Diego Sanchez, Matt Hughes and Rich Franklin, but they were unavailable for comment.

watch your tounge heathens for when Odin comes he shall
spindle your childrens heads or the front of his mighty chariot"Slepnir":BTW when God said "thou shalt not kill" the original translation was "thou shalt not murder",
murder being the shed of innocent blood

watch your tounge heathens for when Odin comes he shall
spindle your childrens heads or the front of his mighty chariot"Slepnir":BTW when God said "thou shalt not kill" the original translation was "thou shalt not murder",
murder being the shed of innocent blood