At some time or other we all worry about something. Worry is a natural defense mechanism that tells us to “be prepared”. Some people take it to an extreme, to the point where they never feel prepared. Their life centers on “What if…” and the answer they receive is never a positive one. They feel nervous and anxious, with tightened necks, nervous stomachs and sleepless nights. Many excessive worriers turn to medication to cure the symptoms. A better way is to fix the problem. Here are some ways that people have learned to escape the dungeon of excessive worry.

People never worry about what is happening now. They only worry about the future. Since no one can predict the future, we have clear choices. We can realize that the present has no danger and therefore be in the moment and enjoy it. We can change the way we look at something. Changing the way we look at things changes the way we feel about them. A good example is being in an unhealthy relationship. We worry that if it ends "I will be alone." But instead we can think "if it ends, I can be free to find a healthy relationship and that being alone is better than being unhappy." Another example is being out of work and looking for a job. Some may worry that "I may never find a job." Instead we can think, "There are so many jobs out there, I will definitely find one that is right for me." Both positions may be right but one makes you feel awful and hopeless while the other one makes you feel empowered and optimistic. Which would you choose?

I have a client that is angry at her husband because he doesn't take care of his health. I suggested she focus on loving and enjoying him now because no one knows what tomorrow can bring. Her response was, "that's going to be hard!" My response to her was, "what if you're wrong?" What if it is not hard and, if it is hard, do it anyway." Hard doesn't make it impossible, just more of a challenge. Living with worry is hard!!

If you want to stop worrying, here are a few tips from the experts: Dale Carnegie, from his book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living: “First ask yourself: What is the worst thing that could happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst.” Realize that you will handle whatever comes whether you worry about it or not. From Eckart Tolle’s The Power of Now, is to remind oneself to be in “the present moment.” The idea is that the negative thought process generated by the ego in the mind, can only exist in the past or the future. By reminding ourselves to be in the present moment, that negative thought process cannot affect us.

Learn to eliminate the "what if" pattern and replace it with strategies and solutions. Then, just let it go! You will probably never need those strategies, but they’re already in place if the need arises.

Learn to take slow deep breaths often and focus on the blessings in your life. Focus on what you have not to be grateful for and realize you are happy now and enjoy that feeling NOW!

Have you ever argued with yourself about something? Have you looked at a delicious cookie, and had a debate with yourself over whether or not to eat it. How many times have one part of you asked yourself “why did I say that?” or “why did I do that?” We all have different parts, or aspects, to our personalities. One part might be shy, while another part feels bold or confident. Don’t worry, you don’t have multiple personalities. The debating voices are different parts of your subconscious mind.

We all have an inner child. The inner child part of us can be stubborn, rebellious, strong, creative and the list goes on. Understanding the existence of these parts can improve our chances of successfully reaching our goals and finding peace in our lives. I use the concept of “Parts Therapy” in my work with clients who are having a hard time giving up smoking, losing weight, sleeping or reaching their goals.In hypnosis we convene a “meeting of the parts” where each part presents their motives and needs in order to facilitate a compromise to overcome their conflict.

An example of this is a woman who came to me to lose weight. She tried everything but was unsuccessful. In hypnosis she realized that when she was younger and sexy looking, she got a lot of unwanted attention and was molested. Her unconscious mind was keeping her heavy to try to protect her from attracting sexual attention. There was a part of her who was afraid to lose weight. We were able to empower her adult resourceful part to assure she could protect herself.

Whenever someone comes to me to for help to quit smoking, there is a part of them that wants to continue to smoke. In hypnosis, when I communicate with the pro-smoking part, the reason they smoke is usually to relax and help cope with stress. The pro-smoking part doesn’t want cancer but believes they need to smoke in order to cope. When it negotiates with the part that wants to become a nonsmoker, alternatives are discovered that provide the same, or better results than smoking provided. Another woman that I helped quit smoking had a death wish that she was unaware of. Many people she loved died from smoking and she wanted to be with them. She had already lost a lung to cancer and couldn’t figure out why she could not stop smoking. She was able to stop smoking when the part of her that loved her husband and children prevailed.

Each of our parts has a specific role or goal. Sometimes it is to protect us and sometimes it is to punish us. Some of us feel guilty and believe we need to be punished. Often we learned this from a parent and incorporated it into our unconscious beliefs. Inner conflict is not new, but using it as an approach to find solutions to our long standing problems is very effective as one of the many tools in hypnosis.

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MEDICAL DISCLAIMER: We do not represent our services as any form of medical, behavioral or mental health care, and despite research to the contrary, by law, I may make no health benefit claims for our services.