Sunday, June 17, 2007

Happy Father's Day

It is Father's Day. Being 1200 miles away from my dad, we don't see each other as much as I'd like, but I think we're closer now that I have ever been in my adult life. If something happened to either him or me, we would know that we have left with all the good things said.

I was having a conversation with my mom a few days ago, and she said something that somewhat surprised me. She said, "You always were his baby girl." When she said that things from my childhood came flooding back to mind... walking in downtown Oklahoma City when I maybe 2 or 3. I remember it clearly, I was so intimidated by the huge size of the buildings, but he held my hand, and even carried me when I asked him to.

I remember him taking me to see the movie Yellow Submarine when I was very small. I understood none of it, but it was pretty. I recently watched that for the first time since then, and even though I still don't really understand it, I loved every second of it. I almost felt my dad sitting next to me. I remember him taking me fishing and teaching me to sit quietly to wait for the bobber to be pulled under, and him taking the 2 inch perch off my hook for me. I remember him walking with me to McKinley Park and letting me play on the sloping hill that held me fascinated. My mom tells me that when I was very small, I fell and cut my forehead and had to be stitched. My dad wasn't at the hospital with us but she tells me that I was screaming for my daddy the entire time (she says now that that hurt her feelings, lol).

I remember riding in the backseat of the car and hearing the radio station playing the song Downtown and saying something to my dad and calling him by his name, Troy (something I did until I was about 3 years old, apparently), and him laughing and shaking his head in amusement at my mom, and asking me if I can say Daddy.

I remember him taking me and my shiny new bicycle to Woodson Park and teaching me to ride it.

I remember watching him fishing around in his pocket for the 50 cents I needed to go see a movie.

I remember the fact that he never told me he loved me until recently, but that I always knew that he did anyway, I didn't need the words to know it without a doubt.

Those earliest memories have always cushioned any harshness that may have came from him in later years when I became an obnoxious kid. I never doubted that I was his little girl.

Now we have the adult relationship. We both know that neither of us is infallable, and I do get exasperated and frustrated with his stubbornness, as I'm sure he gets exasperated with me for whatever unknown reasons. But I know that if I asked him to, he'd hold my hand and walk with me through whatever is is intimidating me.