Firstly thank you Jo for sending the pics to me to post. I have re-sized them all and put a border round them, so I hope you like them. They are really lovely and great to see something positive. I hope you and Michael have many years of happiness and I wish you all the best for the future.

Also I commend you for letting me post the pics, a lot of people like to stay in the background, due to people’s ignorance on the subject, so I applaud you for that. As I said if anyone else would like some pics posted on this page then feel free to send them to me. I am training for a half marathon which I am a long way off doing yet, but as soon as I do, I will post the pics.

This entry was posted
on Monday, August 11th, 2008 at 11:05 am and is filed under Anxiety.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

hey candie where you been? how did the wedding go?i hope you got your dress sorted.you said youv hurt your toe how an earth have you done that?? come on do tell!! well iv been busy house hunting.we must get our night out sorted so we can get some pictures done for paul..bet hes thinking or no..lol the blue rinses..lol. well paul i hear darnell still in big brother,iv not watched really since luke left..its just not the same boo hoo!!i hope youv been good training for your marathon as i no you like your pie and chips and ….cider.no one ever asks how you are paul hope your good,and everyone else. x

haha bet there were swinging north,east,south and west when you were doing the mackarayna dance..lol. iv heard all about nicole from my daughter shes a big brother fan sounds as though shes a spoilt brat that nicole!!

Yes I have actually backed Darnell to win a couple of weeks back. To be honest there is no one that deserves to win. As I said Luke needed to go and he did, now its Rachaels time, very fake in my opinion.

The running has taken a back seat this week as I have injured my foot. I am though way of a half marathon yet, I can only do 2 miles without stopping, I have to get up to 12, so it will be a while, but I am getting better each week.

By the way what’s all this about weddings Candie? I guess not your own!

Things are going fine Lisa. Just fed up with the constant rain, I need a holiday : )

i am so mad,my friend has just been diagnosed with anxiety,at first the doctor told her it was vertigo!!!.after 3 months he told her its anxiety has put my friend on anti depressants and valium, why are doctors so thick.my apoligisies if there is a doctor who reads this blog but it makes me so angry.anyway iv given her pauls website as she thought she was going crazy bless her and assured her shes not going mad.it makes me so mad they pop you pills and send you on your way.i lost all faith in nhs when i was bad but no i can help others now. good luck with your bet on darnell,and hope your foot gets better soon we will defnitley send you pictures of our night out..lol

Lol no its not my wedding Paul, my boyfriends auntie got married and i put some pics on facebook of the night do.. i think lisa is reffering to the cringe worthy one of me dancing to the time warp ha ha.

Yes.. we will deff post our pics when we have our night out lisa, i think we should go out in blue rinse wigs for a laugh ha ha.

Hi lorry, i came of mine completely.. was fine anxiety wise but i had side effects of stomach ache! Was a bit silly of me to just stop taking them over night after been on them a year.. iv been weened down from 150mg to 50mg now and i feel great. Just take it really slow coming of them and you dont notice the difference. Most anxiety and anti-depresent medication has a placebo effect anyway.

Lol as for this night out, the more the merrier.. as long as we dont mope around discussing anxiety allnight!

well sorry to bring the conversation back to anxiety again, bur i have been having a few really good days, clear thinking , i have my hubby home and the kids home, and we have been going out everyday . maybe i ithnk we have overdone it a bit and the thoughts are creeping back in, i am trying not to listen to them. i guess by trying not to listen i am tuning in more???. i need reassurance that i am getting better and this will go . i read claire weekes book, mostly what paul puts forward, but when y mind is in this state i get so lost in it all again and almost like i loose my focus. i am fretting about the kids leaving home ( they are currently 8 and 4 )!!!!! unbeleivable, and when my youngest starts school what am i gonna do with my days when im not working. i dont want to let it consume me, i guess im feeding teh fear again arent i ??? ohhh this thing really confuses me i get it completely one day and not the next.
Help please…………………………………..

Lorry, u sound like u are doing really well.. so i thought i would give u a bit of advice as iv noticed when u get bad again u crave reassurance. Now i arnt been mean, i used to be totally the same… but there has to be a point where you say enough is enough.. and start to reassure yourself and stop looking for answers. There is a point in recovery during set backs where you need to take a leap of faith, accept what is happening to you and live in the moment of it.. right beside it without questioning everything as deep down you already know all the answers, you just need to have a bit of faith in your bodies ability to fix itself and rebalance things! It is always good to hear about everyones journey on here, i just feel u need to let these feelings be to get better, as seeking reasurance is not fully accepting them and allowing them to be there. By no means am i been bossy and saying dont post, as this is not my blog and u have become a big part of it and im sure this goes for everyone that we love hearing from ya :). Just take a step back from the anxiety and looking for answers/reassurance…. as all the answers and reasurrance in the world will not fix you until u beleive in yourself… thats how i have started to get better anyway ………… Infact if u look at some of my earlier posts on the blog from march etc… u will see how i was the same, i even tried to scientifically explain things to reassure myself! I was given some advice to take a break from anxiety as a subject from Paul, and it worked… so i wouldnt be telling u this if i didnt beleive u need to give yourself some well deserved rest from it

candie i couldnt agree more with you,i used to ask for reassurance all the time,my kids,my husband,my friends until you realise you can only reassure yourself.you are the only one who can get yourself better with help and advise,you are the only one who can put the tools into practise.you are the only one to learn to accept until it becomes automatic like brushing your teeth is,getting dressed etc..when the bad days come i would fight it question it get mad with it,let it drive me nuts until i thought “no lisa enough your fine let it do whatever it wants,let it be there” ,and carry on with with my day. its took time as habits do,the anxiety stays but so what it doesnt stop me anymore,it will leave me when its ready to. i just accept the good and bad now and get on.looking back i can laugh now what i was like ,its all about accepting and progress,not looking for when it will go,or end, just get on with your life in the here and now.

Yea totally true lisa… i think we all seek reassurance a lot at first, as its all we have known and been the thing thats got us by for so long… habit sometimes too eh!

Looking back its frightening how obsessed i became with anxiety as a subject, even after reading the book i wanted more answers… then there came a point where i new there was gonna be no answer that would take it all away… just allowing myself to be this way and not looking for that answer made me feel a lot better instantly.. then gradually over months passing iv built some resiliance and dont feel the need at all to have things explained or feel reassured.

There are times we all need that extra bit of help, after all thats what the blog is here for… but most of recovery comes from beleif in yourself and acceptance, we can only point each other in the right direction… then its our own choice if we chose to follow that path!

Yes, back at the start of the year I wouldn’t have even had the inlination to start anything as exciting as facebook. Getting out of bed was bad enough!!! Have found Candie – thanks – won’t look at your pics – promise – I don’t even like looking at my daughters pics it seems an invasion of privacy – daft really because it’s a really public site.

thanks guys, i know i must sound neurotic, but its hard sometimes to think that it will leave when its ready as i have been dealing with it for so long. i guess i will get to the point that it wont bother me any more and i no longer need guidance or reassurnace as you all know where im coming from. will look out for you on facebook !! i shall try and take a step back for a while and maybe catch up soon just get on with my life i guess and live in the moment. cheers and thanks im lorraine tunmore on facebook and th epiccy well it aint me, smy better half !!!

youv had it a long time lorry like alot of us,its just habit.if you learn to go with it and stop battling in time it will go on its own.dont force to accept or force to relax it just comes but its all time as your getting impatient with it,dont worry weve been there,but it does become easier lorry. it might be there all day but so what get on with everyday things and like paul says pay it no mind it doesnt deserve your respect.thats how you gain control and not the anxiety in control of you.you understand because youv been feeling good,having good days,you just need to put into practise what you do on your good days into your bad ones,then you wont need reassurance from others,your reassuring yourself.

on the good days i didnt do anything there was nothing there to accept!.i can see how things can get beyond peoples control and they really do think they are going mad , probably didnt help as i attended The priory last year for some counselling and i was told that anxiety can lead to a psychotic episode, i tihnk thats stuck in my mind. basically that counselling didnt help me !!! cheers guys go with the flow ehhh !

im so glad i came on this blog. i looked at the pics of jos wedding – lovely – congrats jo hope you have a long and prosperous marriage – i thought reading the comments it would only be offering congrats – i didnt think i would find as much great stuff as in the other comments for other blog articles. anyway, the last few comments are just what i need today. for those who dont know, my anxiety manifests itself in pains in my chest and other things i associate with heart attack. i guess i just keep coming back to that worry that there is sometihng wrong with my heart and that i am going to have a heart attack and die. this lead over the past few months to a constant need for reassurance – my counsellor says i am addicted to reassurance!!! – i find this in many ways including at times i have went to the hospital, at other times phoned an ambulance. sometimes talking to someone can provide enough reassurance, sometimes coming on here – im addicted to it indeed. but as my counsellor says and you say on here i need to reassure myself – self-soothe as it were – and that for me at present is a hard thing to learn. on good days its so easy – i can have scary thoughts about having a heart attack but can reassure myself – on bad days it becomes impossible and i get caught more and more in the spiral of anxiety. sorry for such a long email but thanks everyone for bringing up the topic of reassurance. hope everyone has a great weekend

Lorry if there was nothing there on the good days then you probably didnt have anxiety that day so it was easier to accept the bad times as u can think more clear. This is how i started of, thinking because it had all gone away i had accepted… but when your anxious if u accept or not the feelings are still there.. ya just ok about them been there if that makes sense. That confused me for a long time, as i thought what am i doing wrong on the bad days.. but it really is out of your control.. the only control ya have is to allow it to be there and then you will gradually get better.

What they have told you about anxiety leading to psychosis is a load of crap!!! If that was the case then Paul and all the others that suffered for years would of been psychotic wrecks! As you are aware doctors dont know everything, they have told many people on this blog they would never recover and lots of them have.. so its a case of in one ear and out the other most the time! Psychosis is a totally different illness, and you would have to of had it there all along lying dormant… then drugs mental illness etc can tick it of. Anxiety and psychosis are two totally different illnesses. Psychosis can cause anxiety but anxiety can NOT cause psychosis.. fact!

As i once read.. ‘Anxiety manifests itself as a ghost of the things you fear the most. you’re mind begins to build a vast fortress to protect itself from the Fears and phobias, and it keeps building wall after wall, barbed wire fences, and this can go on for a lifetime until you realize at some point that you haven’t really built a fortress, instead you have built a prison and you are trapped in the prison with your anxiety’. So i supose during acceptance we are dismantling our prisons!

I’m replying your post about long term anxiety leading into a psychotic episode. Typically when we become anxious about something, we are generally fearful of a situation that we do not know about, whether it be the future, some upcoming event, a particular symptom or sensation, and the list goes on. I know that when we undergo an anxiety attack, the feeling can be described as us “going insane” or us “going mad.” Our mind is flooded with many irrational thoughts that seem to come out of nowhere and we feel as if we lost control of everything. The main questions that are to be asked is:

Have we gone insane? Are we mad?

Lets slow down things a bit and start putting things into perspective. A sensation that ALWAYS accompanies an anxiety attack is “worry.” In all cases, worry inhibits us from doing things. When we worry about something, we generally go through an intense thought process and the mind eventually tells us that a particular future event is unpredictable and we should be cautious about it and possibly even fear it. In most cases this thought prevents us from taking action and could lead to even deeper thinking about the situation.

Now lets compare this to a person who has “lost it.” During an anxiety attack we may experience bouts of depersonalization – a loss of connection with one’s self. If a psychotic person truly believes that he has lost connection with reality, then chances are that person will try and disconnect themselves from this world. This could involve that person hurting themselves, committing crimes, and essentially forcefully and sometimes shamefully detaching themselves from this world.

Now let us look at ourselves. Recall that “worry”, a symptom that always accompanies an anxiety attack, is an “inhibiting” emotion. It prevents us from taking action. So with great sense, hurting ourselves, killing ourselves is, committing crimes the absolute LAST thing that we could possibly do since we are constantly worrying about it. This means that there is a FINE line between generalized anxiety and madness/insanity. In fact this leads me to believe that anxiety and madness are opposite each other. You are not going to suffer from psychosis. In fact psychosis is probably the LAST thing you should worry about. We do not wish to detach ourselves from reality, in fact if anything we want to re-attach ourselves to reality and move forward.

Let’s extend this trail of thought to generalized anxiety. I’ve mentioned that anxiety generally inhibits us from doing things because of excess worry of a particular situation. Often, many irrational thoughts enter our heads which reasonably intensifies our urge not to engage in whatever we are worried about. But lets go out of this irrational thought and instead rationally think this through. Chances are what we fear, be it a social event, a test, certain symptoms, are things we should not be worried about. Going mad is probably the last thing that can happen to us because if we really were going insane, then there’s nothing that can control us from doing something extraordinarily shameful.

So let’s rationally think about what we are anxious about. If we can think before acting, then we ABSOLUTELY have NOT lost CONTROL. In fact we are simply over-controlling what we fear. When we can address our fears with rationality and with reassurance, then we can break our own barriers and step forward and leave our anxious thoughts behind. What we once feared becomes concrete knowledge and through knowledge we do not need to fear it anymore.

I hope this post was informational and a way of saying that anxiety sufferers are the FARTHEST from going mad.

—–

Now back on topic. Congratulations Jo on your wedding. I wish you many years of happiness and joy with your husband.

thanks guys , i wont go on but that was a professional talking BOUT PSYCHOSIS, needless to say i eneded that counselling !.
I will step back and let things go for a while , you are all so encouraging and put a positive and rational thought on everything just what i need to help me

That was a great way of explaining things Frank Made absolute sense and im sure it will help many. That side of thoughts is explained a lot in Will Beswicks book too. Think im going to have a quick flick through Paul and Wills books, just to refresh my mind as i havnt looked at them in months!

Thanks for that Frank, very well explained. By the way I lost your last email and did mean to reply. My inbox has to be emptied often, as it gets so full and I deleted yours before replying by mistake. If you could re-send that would be great.

Hi everone , I’ve been absent for a while , but have been keeping track on the blog , and everyones progress ! I’ve been super busy myself with holidays , stag doo’s and a lot of driving back and forward to Glasgow !
Before i went on holiday a few weeks ago , I was feeling very well and had come a long way in a relatively short time , considering the time anxiety had controlled me ! Its funny how things can turn against you though as i thought my vacation may further improve my wellbeing and continued improvement where anxiety was concerned ! Unfortunately it has had the opposite effect on me , I’m hoping only for the short term though and can now see that maybe , for me at least keeping to some sort of routine was probably the best place for me at the stage of recovery i was at ! Its a shame anxiety can have its own way of spoiling things when you least expect them to and furthermore , reminds us of the importance of accepting these setbacks whenever they may occur ! The journey continues for me which i suppose is a step closer to recovery and not a step back as i may once have thought , needless to say i am a little dissapointed , is that not only me being human after all !!!

hello everybody.
my name is mike i am new to the site/ pauls book. Recently i was signed off work and the doctor advised the reason i was feelin like this was due to stress and prescribed medication.
I am back at work after 10 weeks off and feel the main reason i am is because of all the information i have recieved off this site and reading pauls book. A councillor i was seeing recommended pauls book and i am very pleased he did because it is the best info and makes total sense and at the end of the day will help me if i have anymore bad days.
the blog is great and all the best for the future jo. (and everyone else)

Great reading the blogs. I have a very hard time at explaining how I feel at times so bare with me. Over the past month or so I really have slid back into bad habits with anxiety.

Something I have noticed is when I accept the feelings i really start to feel good and relaxed, even in situations that would make me tense and anxious. It is a weird feeling to, say, go into work or the shopping mall without that anxious wall or tenseness. I get all types of thoughts like “what if someone says something that hurts me or says something and I freeze up and don’t know how to respond” and have a strong urge to start the fighting process. because I feel safe there.

What I have learned that when I accept and just give up to all my fears of rejection or just relax my mind and body, I feel so much better and I releazed, firstly, that it would be a long shot for those thoughts and fears to come true, and secondly, that if my fear was to happen I would be able to handle it much better in this relaxed state than shut off and anxious.

I’ve also realized that when I start feeling better and relaxed I have more energy and time to start fighting worse than ever. Then I use up my energy fighting and realize I have to let go and I feel much better. That seems to be the recent pattern.

Appreciate the great posts. Let me know if anyone has any suggestions.

Great reading the blogs. I have a very hard time at explaining how I feel at times so bare with me. Over the past month or so I really have slid back into bad habits with anxiety.

Something I have noticed is when I accept the feelings i really start to feel good and relaxed, even in situations that would make me tense and anxious. It is a weird feeling to, say, go into work or the shopping mall without that anxious wall or tenseness. I get all types of thoughts like “what if someone says something that hurts me or says something and I freeze up and don’t know how to respond” and have a strong urge to start the fighting process. because I feel safe there.

What I have learned that when I accept and just give up to all my fears of rejection or just relax my mind and body, I feel so much better and I releazed, firstly, that it would be a long shot for those thoughts and fears to come true, and secondly, that if my fear was to happen I would be able to handle it much better in this relaxed state than shut off and anxious.

I’ve also realized that when I start feeling better and relaxed I have more energy and time to start fighting worse than ever. Then I use up my energy fighting and realize I have to let go and I feel much better. That seems to be the recent pattern.

Appreciate the great posts. Let me know if anyone has any suggestions.

Hi everyone,
I agree with you Candie about how beneficial it can be to step back from the subject of anxiety. I have been away at our cottage and therefore away from a computer and it has given me alot of perspective. Just getting away from my routine and spending time with family has given me some “mental space”. I can honestly say that I am starting to get it! I am actually feeling the acceptance and not just thinking acceptance. I read another of Claire Weekes books and this really helped bring home the message that the anxiety truly does not matter, and it is the “not mattering” that makes all the difference. I have only had a slight concern that hit me last night as I realized that I felt normal as I was cleaning the house, putting the kids to bed etc. and my husband was out. Being alone used to really bother me. Anyway, realizing that I was doing so well kind of made me feel anxious. Obviously, I realized that this meant that I still have a ways to go, but I can really feel in my gut that I am on the right path. I know I am rambling but it helps to get this stuff down sometimes and sort out ones thoughts. Thanks everyone for your continued support and positive attitude.

great site and great book paul. My name is mike and i am new to the site my councillor introduced pauls book to me and i am very glad he did. best info on anxiety / panic i have ever recieved. all the best with married life jo.

Welcome Mike and thanks for that. I have to be flattered that your counceller recommended my book, a few people have mentioned this in the past, not sure if it is the same person or different ones, but that’s good and shows that they can be swayed on their own opinions and what they have been taught about the subject.

On your post Nicole, having that mental space is important and really helped me. I used to have some Paul time and changed my whole lifestyle and not to hope my anxiety went away, I did it for me. I used to run, cycle and swim and felt great for it. It helped burn off excess adrenalin, gave me a new focus instead of how I felt and as you say gave me a break. It introduced so much more into my life and I just naturally began to feel part of the world again, my focus was shifting back into living. It was a natural progression, so don’t expect too much too soon. Never try and make it your aim to rid yourself of how you feel, time will do this on its own, as long as we don’t constantly try and ‘Do something about it’ just live along side it, while getting on with your day. I used to keep a little note in my wallet that said ‘Its o.k to feel like this’ I never used to preach it to myself, it was just there if I ever needed to remind myself. And once you say this statement then you wont fight, fill yourself with self pity, try and work it all out, watch your progress, etc…etc….

Hi all
Thankyou for all your good wishes.
Things are really looking up at the mo, married life is fab, since our wedding day my anxiety, has seemed to get less and less, I think ive finally got everything paul has taught, now when I have a strange or scary thought I just say whatever, and it just goes away.
Just reading throught what you’ve all been saying and wanted to say to lorry that you are doing really well, when I look back at how we all where a few months ago, its amazing how far we’ve all come, Candie, I think you are amazing to have come off your meds, Im still on mine and havent quite got to the stage of coming off them yet, but I hope to one day.

I have never posted before but have followed this blog for about 5 months. I couldnt believe how amazing this site was when i first discovered it. Everything started coming together for me and for about 3 1/2 months I really felt like i had this acceptance thing down. I was just making so much progress. Then about 4 weeks ago I think I had a really bad setback. I just remember feeling horrible, getting into the worst mood while iI was with friends and my mind was just spinning.
Ever since then i feel like i have been going backwards. after so much time of accepting, i never thought that any feeling would bother me again, but for the last 4 weeks i just havent felt like i did those first 3 months or so and its really bothering me. i just dont understand how i can accept for so long and then suddenly start obsessing how i feel. If anyone has ever gone through something like this I would love any advice or thoughts. Thank you all.

I recently suffered a setback,after thinking I had finally cracked it. Its really frustrating and so upsetting just when you think you may have recovered. But you have accept it is a setback, you got through these feelings before and you will again.

hey thanks katy, that really helps. I’ve been telling myself over and over what you wrote but to have someone else tell me that is very reassuring. i am now definitely getting back into the acceptance mindset and it feels good.

Hi Brian and Katy,
I can relate. Just in the last few weeks I have been feeling about 80% and have felt a new level of acceptance that I have never felt. But just yesterday, out of the blue I started to obsess again, monitor my moods, over think every thought etc. and last night was one of those sleepless nights when my mind just feels like it is swimming in fear and other negative emotions that were very intense. I would be lying if I said that I was not a little upset and fearful even though deep down I know there is nothing to fear. I know that I am again caught in this trap of “trying” to accept. That is what makes this so frustrating; when you know that you are going about this the wrong way but can’t seem to stop it.
The only logical thing to do is just put last night down as a blip on the anxiety map so to speak and move ahead even though I am feeling like crap today! I am going to choose to view this as an opportunity and to put into practice everything that I have learned. Only trouble is that sometimes we try too hard I guess. It is such an intangible thing and feels so far away at times.
Not much else I can do as the past is the past and life lies ahead. Worrying about it is not helping and reading these posts always does. Thanks everyone.

Nicole don’t worry about having the episode you had, memory of suffering is so close we can have these episodes, I know I did, but I always came through so in time I just used to shrug my shoulders. Its just the same as anyone who is coming through a bout of depression, it does not mean they will not feel depressed again, but it passes and comes less often. The main thing is if you felt like it was dragging you down again and the attention seemed to be on you then let it, its fine, just don’t go down the road of self pity or try to control how you feel, let it have its moment and it will pass, don’t get down about it, atart questioning everything all over again.

i really struggle with the accepting, some days its easy but others i know i am just putting up with. its really hard to accept something that you hate. Hate is a strong word but i do really hate this this thing that has messed with my life, therefore how can I accept it?I find it easier to say im letting it be there and to carry on with my life if its there or not. Before i found this site and Pauls book i did go really down and feel sorry for myself whenever i had a setback, but now i am learning to accept it as just a bad day, just like everyone has bad days and good days or even weeks. I think you are truly recovered when none of the feeling,thoughts bother you no matter when they come, good days or bad, and to reach that point it takes time, practice and patience. At least thanks to this site we dont have to suffer alone through this journey. sorry about my grammar, am in bit of a hurry tonight! hope ive made sense. Take care x

Sometimes its hard to accept setbacks. I know when that they came, you honestly feel like that you’re at square one, you’re mind is telling you that and sometimes a cry is a good release. To me sometimes I want to fight it so much, just letting yourself cry really signifies letting go to me. (Because i would try to man and hold it in : )

I’m not saying that frantacally cry, sometimes tears don’t even come out. Recovery is so up and down…just let it unfold in front of you.