S.E.X: The Gay Alphabets?

Ah, my tormentor from the comments section, he with the acerbic things to say, the one, the only Chizzie has finally written something, 🙂 something real not fiction, that he wants to share with all you lovely brethren. Read below and enjoy. Be warned, it has a message at the end of it all that we should all take to heart. 🙂

*

It was intense lust at first Facebook request. He wasn’t exactly good looking, but he was tall, huge and dark. The first moment I saw his picture, I knew I wanted to be underneath him for hours. So I stalked him on Facebook, sent him a Facebook request and gathered as much information on him as I could. What little information I had looked really promising. He had a good job, a nice car, was in his mid 30s (how I like them), lived alone and, as I was told, had a very big penis.

I was excited; my mind was filled with fantasies of us entwined in bed, rolling between the sheets, of me resting my head on those broad shoulders of his. But as the days gradually turned to weeks and my Facebook request still remained pending, I figured all hope was lost, and had just started moving on with my life – on to the next penis, as I like to say. Then one day, weeks after, I woke up to see that he had not only finally accepted my request but had gone on to like several of my pictures. Surely this was a good sign.

I went straight to it, my intentions were thinly veiled. He knew I wanted to have intercourse with him, and soon we exchanged pins.

However I noticed there was something different about our conversations. We never talked about sex, at least not in such blatant terms. He was more concerned with how I was doing. My perils of unemployment (I’ll never forget the excitement in his voice when I told him I had finally found a job). You know, stuff like that. Any mention of sex was done subtly. In fact, we referred to sex in figures of speech and innuendos.

I didn’t understand this. This was new to me. He hadn’t asked for a picture of my bum (which I am always glad to share), nor what I liked done in bed. Nothing. Was I not sexually attractive enough? Was I going to be one of those Bottoms that were good to have as friends and not as sex partners. Maybe he really wasn’t that into me.

One day, he invited me over to his place to spend the night. This is it, I thought. I prepared meticulously. Starved myself to avoid any gravy situation. Douched repeatedly until my bum was sore. Shaved my bugaina till it was as hairless as a baby’s.

I arrived at his place quite late in the evening. I saw a quick smile grace his lips when he saw me. I took this as a good sign. He was huge and imposing; I played calm, trying not to be so obvious. In my mind, I wanted him to brutally have his way with me.

His apartment was impressive. He had such impeccable taste. I sat down next to him on his large comfortable bed. He was taking a phone call at this point and my back was to him. Then I felt his hand trailing across my spine, slowly with a casual air of seduction. I began to have goosebumps. My nipples hardened. Was this it? When he hung up the phone, would he pounce on me and viciously penetrate me?

At long last, he ended the call and I turned to face him. He had a bulge jutting hard against his zipper. I was about to reach down for it when he said, “Tell me a bit about you.”

Er, ok. I thought to myself, Was this an interview? Where was the kissing, the ass grabbing, the nipple sucking I had become accustomed to?

Anyways, so we got to talking. Soon I got bored and decided to make the first move, something highly unprecedented, because I was so used to the Top initiating sex. He had taken off his shirt by now, so I lay anchored against his broad shoulders, my face next to his, my hand trailing the outline of his chest. He held me closer to him. And that was it. We kept talking!

What was going on? I thought. Finally, I decided to apply more drastic measures. I reached down to his boxers and felt his dick. I gasped. It was so hard. So hard and huge. It barely fit my hand.

Ok, so here was a huge and erect man, clearly aroused – and all he wanted to do was talk? I was so confused. Instinctively, I reached for his dick and began to suck it.

And then here came the shocker. He reached down, pulled me gently away from him, and told me to stop, that all he wanted me to do was lie down next to him.

I was seriously taken aback. I couldn’t hide my disapproval any more. Here I was, my bum exposed, a sexually attractive light-skinned, thick and juicy Bottom, and all he wanted to do was talk? All he wanted me to do was lie next to him? I’m short-tempered, and I lashed out. Was it me, I asked. Was I so repulsive? What was going on?

He said he didn’t want to have sex; he just wanted us to cuddle and talk. I found that highly absurd for a Top. Why would I jump a gazillion buses to come to his place to cuddle and talk? I mumbled something about regretting ever coming to his place and how I’d rather be home. And with that, his countenance soured, and we both went to bed.

The next morning, we exchanged curt Good Mornings, and I left his place, pompously declining his offer to assist me with transportation. When I arrived home, he had left me quite a number of messages. They were laced with disappointment. Disappointment at how much I wanted sex, so badly, when he really just wanted us to talk. He explained that sex to him was more than just an act, he had to genuinely know who he “was putting his dick into” and that everything didn’t really have to be about sex. It was something he thought I would understand.

I asked if he wanted to see me again. He left my message unread and never replied.

I was surprised, more so at myself. When had I become this sexualized sex monster? I had become so used to the idea of sex being a platform to ascertain a guy’s desire for me that I quickly rebuffed the attempt of someone genuinely getting to know me first before becoming physical.

I think I speak for many people when I say, sometimes we define our self worth with just how quick a guy wants to hump us. I questioned myself and my esteem when I saw that I wasn’t being propositioned sex so quickly. I failed to see that someone saw me as more than just a sex thing but a person who he had a genuine interest for. The idea of a guy seeing me as more than a means to obtain an orgasm seemed foreign to me, and I took it as rejection and repulsion. It might have not worked out with him, but he gave me a lot to think about. He had me revaluating my self-worth.

I’ve decided to change the way I portray myself. No longer will I see myself as a light skinned Bottom with a fat ass, but rather as a light skinned Bottom with a fat ass who has a lot to offer a man and who deserves getting to know first!

Written by Chizzie

Do follow us on twitter: @panther_blog or to SHARE and DROP YOUR COMMENTS. And for any submissions, let us have your stories at pantherptb@yahoo.com.

My first boyfriend was a photographer, with all of the suave, charismatic and elusively free spirit that passionate professional photographers usually exhibit. He also came with warning bells, but hell

37 Comments

Chei!! This boy!!!! THOU art a fool..well, thou were a fool. I hope to God u have gained much sense since then. Those kinda guys are VERY rare. Restrained, MATURE and extremely sensible. I’m actually MAD u got the creme of the crop and let him go. All we have is a lot of dick-ruled heads who go by the term ‘tops’. I do understand that feeling where u think you are not attractive enough, but I believe now that only one who is VERY interested in you will show that much restraint. Kudos!!!

Trystham, I share the same outrage with you abeg. When I read the article, I was like ‘Are you frigging kidding me?!’ Who lets such a sensitive considerate yummy endowed man slip thru their fingers?! Chizzie, of course! 😀 *running away*

Lol they are all there throwing words at the author, saying how much sexfreak he is, they now forgot that maybe the guy refused sex because he was tired from the sex he had 20 mins before chizzy arrived his house, who knows? *smh* or maybe he wanked out his guts the whole day and didnt feel like engaging in anyfin, i just don’t get when it became an awkward attitude to crave for sex lol, for me it’s a normal though *runs away*

I can relate to the guy.
As u mature, u realise that everything is not abt sex. The truth is what we really want is not to be alone. Loneliness is horrible. Sex has the power to either increase companionship or destroy it completely.
So consider urself luck if u find a guy who’s not only attracted to u, but actually wants to be with u. The question is “do u want to be with him?”

Me too, am getting really sick and tired of the whole sex thingy…..It has become a boring continuos cycle to me…so don’t get upset or feel Not Good Enough if we meet and we don’t have sex…But trust me Chizzie, you kinda over-reacted by saying you regret coming over. If you hadn’t said that, trust me, he would have had sex with you later in the night after the long talks…you were just impatient with him. Am in that stage of my life now where any kinda desperate attempt by a guy to have sex with me may be viewed in another dimension.

First of all, this picture is sickening. 2ndly, thanks to the chizzie for bringing out this story to be shared. It has never been a crime to crave for sex, @ least in a homophobic society as ours that drive lesbians/gays especially to “sex-priotized” relationships. It isn’t chizzie’s fault to a large extent because at a point in our life, the thought of meeting a guy always had to do with how well it would end in bed, but then pushing someone as mature and rare away just because he refused sex at first meet was a huge mistake. At least I for one have borrowed a leaf from this.

Hi all, the fact that the guy in question didn’t want to have sex, means little or nothing. So what if he didn’t want to have sex?? Does that make him mature, Sensible? Only Jah knows why he refused to have sex even when he had a boner.. Mind u, If he wanted to “cuddle and talk all night” with his boner he would have had a serious dose of blue balls. The dude that said he might have wanked or had sex b4 u came may be right. I always wank b4 I meet someone new so I don’t come across as a horny retard. *covers face* Btw chizzie, u r not a sex monster and the pic is horible. P.s. Y’all sound like u have sex all d time.

Nice one.
Chizzie, you were just me some years back…now I know better. Can a decent Top in-house be fair enough to try ask my contact from PinkPanther so we can take it up from there?
#SayWhatYouWantAndAchieveWhatYouWannaAchieve…’Cos Life is Beautiful.

Congrats Chizzy, since this blog started, u think this post has so far received the highest number of comments. And to all una thirsty ones wey dey sell/buy market here …. una doh ooo (in Warri accent). I can totally identify with the guy not wanting sex at first sight, at a point in your life (it comes with both age&experience), you realise that sex isnt everything and that its just that …. Sex!you do it, you cum and it doesnt rlly take away that empty feeling inside. For me personally, at this point, am more focused on getting to know people and if they are the right sort, we become good friends. Sex may or may not come into the equation, these days it frequently doesnt come in sef. The end result is that I find that increasingly I am starting to have more and more friends with whom I have never and probably will never get sexual, we are more like ‘sistas’ if you will…
Nice post Chizzie, smart idea to douche and starve when ur anticipating a large dick, its horrible to serve gravy on a date …