Football transfer rumours: Harry Redknapp to move for Jermain Defoe?

Wednesday 28 November 2012 04.23 EST
First published on Wednesday 28 November 2012 04.23 EST

We're only just over a month away from the re-opening of the transfer window, though it looks like being a slow burn in terms of gossip, excitement and expectation. No need to worry too much yet, Harry Redknapp's found work again, but be fair to the old dog, he's only been in the QPR job for three days and has yet to get back into the swing of things. All he can offer us today is a double swoop on his old club Spurs, for Jermain Defoe and Michael Dawson. Give him time, another week and the Rumour Mill will make War and Peace read like a half-finished haiku. But in the meantime, that does leave us a wee bit short today; to be frank we'll be doing well to raise one of your eyebrows halfway.

David Moyes says he might leave Everton next summer if there's no cash to spend in January, but then again he might not. It's almost as if he's killing time until Sir Alex Ferguson decides to do one.

Theo Walcott may be leaving Arsenal. This we've guessed because he's been left off the club's official 2013 calendar, along with Bacary Sagna. Arsenal insist they're just playing safe, having upset all the kiddies earlier this season by sending out Junior Gunners bumph adorned with pictures of Sir Ji ... Hold on ... Robin van Persie. Either way, Arsenal fans will be more concerned by who is on the 2013 calendar: André Santos. Happy new year, Spurs fans! Happy new year!

Arsène Wenger hopes to placate the Arsenal faithful by spending £6m on Schalke striker Klaas-Jan Huntelaar, then repeatedly sending him on as sub for Olivier Giroud. Happy new year, Spurs fans! Happy new year!

Anyway, the aforementioned Walcott is, as first reported in March 1673, a target for Liverpool, Manchester City and Chelsea, while Internazionale are in for Sagna. Liverpool are also interested in getting Daniel Sturridge over from ersatz Anfield tribute act, Chelsea, on loan and according to manager Brendan Rodgers, might even: "spend a few quid" elsewhere. To be honest, they've sort of given up. Expect their kit next season to be a red string vest and a pair of elasticated stretch pants (red, comfy).

But hang on, suddenly the musty fug of depression lifts around the Drayton Park area of London: Zenit St Petersburg will pay £2m for Andrey Arshavin.

Sir Alex Ferguson, he's on the phone to too-young-to-die defender Kurt Zouma, in an attempt to get the 18-year-old to "join our club", although with Manchester United not quite the force they once were, he might have to entice him with tales of how they used to live. Nothing can stop them, not even Manchester City. We won't spell out which famous French club Zouma currently plays for, we've already insulted your intelligence enough.

Newcastle United are interested in NAC Breda's Serbian midfielder Nemanja Gudelj, 21, a rumour which thankfully doesn't lend itself to a series of naff puns and lazy references that won't even appeal to the ageing hipster demographic they were aimed at.

Finally, Fulham and West Ham United will be recreating their thoroughly unmemorable battle in the 1975 FA Cup final with a transfer tussle to match: they're after Benfica attacking midfielder Nolito who, having enjoyed some early success in Lisbon, is now not doing so well. Ah.