Starting from the very bottom at 51

It’s evening, my very own evening. An evening like no other because it will never repeat itself. Nobody will experience it but me because it’s the evening of my life. The last chapter they call it, the second half if I’m lucky. I’m 51 and the clock has struck 7 p.m.

What the evening brings I have little idea, I do now know what it won’t. Because I’m too old and tired to allow certain things into my life again. I’ve taken careful note of what hurts me and what brings me joy and with that it mind I should be OK. I’ve been blessed to have time to think, reflect and although it has been tough to acknowledge all my flaws, it has paid off.

I’m quite at peace with my past now after close scrutiny. Now, I have to move on, let go and it’s true what they say: Only when the time is right. You cannot force change. You cannot force yourself to let go. When the time is right for YOU. My time has come and I’m finding it easier to give up what is no longer working.

I feel in a way as if I had fallen to my knees defeated. But not a bad thing. Now, I can slowly get up and move ahead. Sometimes, the only way to improve is starting from the very bottom. I accept that. I feel I have less to loose, and a lot to gain.