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Shifting Focus

For people whose natural inclination is to take care of others, using time and energy to care for themselves can be upsetting. Depending on the person, it varies from slightly uncomfortable to downright distressing.

When faced with the idea, there may be a freak-out: “What?! Myself? How will…? What can…? I can’t do that!”

You can. You really can.

Here’s a thing I’ve realized.

If you have a tendency to focus on others, it’s difficult to shift that focus. It may seem unlikely to happen. Impossible even. When you begin focusing on your Self, you’ll find a thought popping up often (the persistent little bugger):

“If I’m spending all that time taking care of myself, I won’t be able to take care of anyone else!”

Wrong.

“If I’m spending all that time taking care of myself, I won’t be able to take care of everyone else!”

That’s it, my friends.

Take that in. Accept it. Embrace it.

My random thoughts in 200 words or less.

You can’t do it all.

Don’t be that person. The harried, stressed, wreck who tries to help everyone and tries to do everything to the detriment of his or her Self, family, health, relationships…whatever.

Yes, this means you have to make decisions. When will you agree? When will you decline? Choose wisely. And ditch the guilt. (It can be done. I have faith in you.)

A lot has happened since I chose ‘Self” as my One Word for 2018. Some of it good. Some of it not so good. All of it eye-opening. Take care of yourselves, gentle readers.

Thank you, Juliet. 🌷 There’s been a mix, to be honest. But I’m keeping that ‘Self’ mindset through it all and it’s…wonderful. Should have done it years ago. Sending warm thoughts back to you, my friend.

You know, you just helped me realize something. This is one of the reasons I write blog posts. This. Right here. Thank you so much, Kimberlee. 💖 I’m glad you found these words when you needed them. (Better late than never?) Take good care of yourself.

Yes! Could not agree more. I wish you were not speaking from experience but, perhaps, those are the people who know this best. Taking care of ourselves is not a luxury, it’s a necessity. Thanks, Debbi. 💖 Hope you are doing well.

Excellent advice. I have a tendency to do this, but it’s an important habit to break. Hope you are well, Sarah. I’ve been out of the loop with you. So busy over here, but I’m hoping to slow down and reconnect soon!

I’m so glad you’re exploring this new way of being in life, Sarah. The challenge is that there’s no formula, so it’s all experimentation and awareness, taking risks, and embracing new discoveries. Keep it up. ❤

I am. I’m exploring and finding my way. Too right that there isn’t a formula. Different goals, personalities, lifestyles, challenges…it all makes for messy, non-formulaic travels. At least it’s not boring.
Anyway, yes, I’m trying and failing and trying again. It is tons of experimentation. But the end will be beneficial for everyone. Thanks so much, Diana. ❤️ Hope you’re doing well.

Yes. Boundaries is a HUGE part of this as well as being able to offer the best “us” we can offer. You are so right. 💖 I’m trying (and mostly succeeding) so I call it a win. Hope all is well with you and yours. Will be by soon to catch up on some posts!

Hello, Graeme! 🙂 Hope all is going well for you, too. I’m okay, as things go. Can’t complain. But am happy to report that I’m sticking to the ‘Self’ focus (as much as possible) and, really, it makes everything else go more smoothly even when you hit a rough patch. And, yes, it’s so much better in the long run for everyone and everything in your life. Sometimes it’s difficult to see that at first. Best wishes to you!

Things all good here. Finally got off the ground with the writing, and hoping to finish a draft of the next book, Carrion, later today. A month off that will follow before I go back to read it, but lots of writing to take place in the meantime.
Glad you’re keeping up with the “Self” stuff. It does make a difference. Now, if you could only be selfish enough to get over to London for May 19th! Or is that me being selfish?

Waah! I want to fly over there! I’ve been itching to get on a plane since the very first year of the Bash. Be as selfish as you want. 🙂 Last year I was *this* close. This year is a no-go. Next year? *fingers crossed*

I am beyond happy that your writing is going so well. Congratulations on finishing Carrion!!! (Assuming you’ve done so by now. If not, then pretend you saw this tomorrow. Or the next day…) You’ve made my day. 🎉

So here’s something fun. I keep trying to post a comment on your blog and it’s telling me I have an “Invalid Security Token” which is making me giggle. I wasn’t aware that you had become the type of person who required a security token. Also, I wasn’t aware that mine was invalid. So I do appreciate the heads-up.

Hello my wise friend with the always good advice. Right! If we’re always taking care of others and forgetting ourselves we can’t be productive. Therefore: taking care of ourselves first is not selfish. Love it! ❤ Ya, ya, I'm still learning to get past the guilt part. ❤

Eh…always with the advice, not so sure it’s always good. 😉 But, yes, we can’t neglect ourselves and, for some of us, that is a pattern. I don’t know what we expect when we do that. No good can come from it. Take care of yourself, my friend and kick the frickin’ guilt to the curb. (Like a really swift kick, you know? Get some oomph behind it.)

Hey. Do something, just one thing, for yourself when you read this. I don’t care if it’s running around your yard naked or painting your nails or making a nice cup of tea. Pick something. Anything. Add some self care without guilt to your life one little thing at a time. ❤

I actually never saw it! Can you believe??? I actively avoided it later in life when I was too cool (in my 20s). But I can picture the tall, blond guy saying it in a monotone voice though. Like, “Bueller. Bueller.”

You’re not late and I’m so glad to see you here. I’m not sure about wise but definitely on target for me right now. I seriously should have done this years ago. And, now that I have started, I need to keep it up.

Haven’t seen you for so long Sarah but no matter the length of time I always return to a thought bubble that has meaning not only in your life but also in mine. Hope you are taking care of your self. I’m trying.

Irene! ❤ Hello, lovely lady. It has been a long time, I know. Great to see you. I'm so happy to hear you are taking care of yourself (at least trying to). I am working at it because, if I'm honest, it is work for someone like me. Shifting focus and guilt and all that. But…I can't do everything and I've stopped trying. 🙂 Hope all is well with you and yours.