Alternate %^#*! Words

We finally got basic cable here at Haversack -- hurrah! And one thing we've come
to notice is just how difficult it is for TV producers to show modern movies on G-rated
television, due to the fact that R-rated movies are so much more prevelant than the G and
PG-rated ones. So here are a few ideas to help them out. First, some
alternative swear words:

gee willikers

gracious me

great scott

heaven's to betsy

gee whiz

durn

balderdash

cripes

blimey

shoot

drat

land sake's

jeepers

blast and tarnation

jiminy

gadzooks

huzzah

by jingo

pshaw

hot diggity

criminy

my word

egads

Nudity is another problem, but there are numerous ways to work around it. Right
now they put little black rectangles across the naughty bits. But you could also...

Black out the entire scene and play "Stormy Weather" (imagine the record sales
for "Stormy Weather" if that happened).

Place cartoon cutouts over the undressed figures

Stunt bodies wearing clothing

Computer generated over the nude bodies.

Another problem is the blood factor. There's just way too much gore in R-rated movies
to be shown on television. Currently, the networks basically show all blood and just
cut out the most repulsive scenes. But they could also...

Put little cartoon signs over the more disgusting bits that say "ketchup was used
here"

Computer-generate out the guns, blood, and gore and put in...ooh I don't know...flowers,
love, and happiness.