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Sunday, 29 June 2014

I’m back! Finally! After a 6 month break (read, study leave,
hehehe) I am back to routine, monotony and utter and complete boredom. Yes,
office is to blame. How much has the world changed, really, in these 6 months
where I only stepped out to go to the library and nowhere else? Okay, to the
sandwich and chaat wala too, but that’s not important.

1. The Mumbai metro began its operations exactly a week
before I was due to join and I was asked to haul my ass to a client at Andheri.
Bham! Mumbai Metro, zindabad! At a flat rate of Rs.10, hell, it was (still is)
cheaper than rickshaw and in some cases, the BEST bus! It’s nice, really. Fully
air conditioned, beautifully maintained, well run and crew that is ever on its
toes and always available. But, there’s always a “but”. Everything in India
comes with a con, right?

(i) Do you know what I love most about the Mumbai metro? The
lingering paan smell. Oh! Also, the fuck awesome body odour emanating from men
and women travelling alongside me who not so surprisingly, considering the
Rs.10 fare, smell of sweat and stink of raw fish. (I’m vegetarian. I hate the
smell of fish, cooked or raw. I don’t care; go ahead and judge me, oh! You just
called me a bitch. I agree.)

(ii) Do you know what’s slightly worse? How people are unable
to use the token barricade. They long jump over the barricade and run. Damn! I
shouldn't have stopped my long jump practice in school. And, more fun? Since
people can’t use the token barricade properly, their entry into and exit from
the metro station is delayed, by not just a few, but several seconds, nay,
minutes! And? Yep! You guessed it right! There’s a huge, huge crowd behind
them, trying to get out! Oh? I am an idiot, right? I should have just shoved and
pushed past people like these other
people and broken my own code of discipline, manners and courtesy. Hmm.

(iii) So, who are these other
people? The tourist crowd and other *ahem* crowd who are taking joy rides
on the metro since “aga! meytro madhe fakta daha rupyat amala AC milel!! Tsal
zauyah!” (Arre! On the metro, for Rs.10
we are getting an AC ride!! Let’s go!!) Here’s some not-so-common sense to you
jackholes. Go ahead, take your joy rides! I’m not the one to stop you. I don’t
have the authority (I wish I did!) You know what you can do? DON’T TAKE YOUR
JOY RIDE DURING PEAK OFFICE HOURS! OR IS THAT SO DIFFICULT TO BLOODY
UNDERSTAND? You are giving the MMOPL revenue, great! You are getting an AC ride
for Rs.10, awesome! Please, as a consideration to us mere mortals who earn our
living, take your rides between 12 and 4. Let. Us. Please. For. The. Love. Of.
God. Travel. In. Peace.

(iv) Also, if any of
you women, ask me ever again whether there is a ladies’ coach, I swear, I will
NOT keep a straight face and respond and will give such a scathing response to
you that I will feel bad about it for the rest of my life. We don’t have
separate coaches for men and women. It is all the same. The metro is not a
nau/bara/pandra dabba local train. It’s the metro. Fuck! It gets you from
Ghatkopar to Andheri in 15 min. Can you PLEASE not ask me about ladies’ coach
ever again? Thank you!

(v) A sincere and heartfelt request to MMRDA, Veolia
Transport and Reliance Infra, please, please, please just increase the fares
already. At least half the crowd will get filtered out in a matter of days.
Trust me when I say this. Just do it already.

2. Mumbai local train- Ah, it’s been a year since I last
travelled by train. Yes, because about 2 months before I was due to go on
leave, I was sent to the office near my home for tax audit filing. So, a year
since local train travel. The first day, I travelled by a Thane local, to
Ghatkopar and felt like a death sentence would have been much easier. the crowd
is MUCH more rowdy, uncivilized and just pure yuck! My mistake, the first day I
travelled by ticket. Second day, I stood in line and got myself a first class
pass. Doesn’t make the travel A LOT better anyway since the ticketless crowd
prefers travelling by first class, since they are ticketless anyway! So, there
you go!

Yeah, so, these two were the two main aspects of “seeing the
world change”. LOL. I feel like I’m 100 years old! “I’ve seen the world change”
heeeheeheee. I’ve missed the blog, AND my regular readers (Do I really have any?) muah!!