June 21, 2009

Twenty of My Favorite Things About Being a Father

Being a father is one of my favorite things in life.

This is somewhat surprising to me because my father was not a very good role model and, to this
day, he and I are not very close. In fact, when I was younger, kids used to come up to
me and say, "My dad can beat up your dad." I'd say, "Oh yeah? What time?"

In all seriousness,
my fractured relationship with him has forced me to spend a lot
of time thinking about parenting and what kind of father I want to be
to my own child. It's not easy. In many ways, parenting is the
hardest job I've ever had. I like to compare it to shaving. No
matter how well you shaved today, you have to get up and do it again
tomorrow. That's really the key.

Today, I planned on writing one of my annual sappy Father's
Day posts. However, I started thinking about how being a great dad
involves having a good sense of humor. Because let's face it. When it's
5:00 am, you haven't slept in three weeks, your
colicky baby is screaming, you're trying to change his diaper and then, all of sudden, he pees straight into your face? You have two
choice. You can laugh. Or you can cry.

I'll go with laughter every
time.

So, in honor of Father's Day, I quickly wrote up 20 of my favorite things about being a father. They're not the deep-seeded emotions that I feel about my relationship with my daughter. I know I'll remember those forever. These are just some of the smaller things that, on a daily basis, make me glad to be her dad.

20 of my favorite things about being a father:

Spinning my daughter by her arms for five minutes and then watching her stumble around like my drunk uncle.

Low expectations. To a child, everlasting love can be expressed simply by adding hot dogs to their mac-and-cheese or giving them an extra piece of bacon.

Knowing your child so well that you recognize her back-seat vomit
look. Nothing fills me with more self-congratulatory pride than driving
90 mph on the Long Island Expressway with one hand and sticking a bag
under her mouth before a drop of vomit hits the leather seats.
I'm a Gold Glove vomit catcher.

Having a boy tell you that he really likes your daughter and
realizing that you have a newfound respect for the Amish...and
handguns.

Looking for the television remote control for hours and then suddenly
discovering it in the freezer. Good one, kid. I never would have looked
there.

Bringing your daughter to the office so she can
meet everyone and then, five minutes later, finding her completely covered in
toner ink and Post-It Notes.

Logging on to Amazon and discovering that ALL of their recommendations for
you are child-related: a Dora the Explorer Dehumidifier, a giant case of Huggies, a year-long subscription to Parent Magazine. Fifty recommendations and not a single peep about the new Updike book or Mos Def CD!

Kids are a wonderfully blank canvas. While some people see this as an
opportunity to impart serious knowledge, I prefer teaching my daughter
how to stand on a chair during music class, hold a crayon up in the
air, and yell out, "Play Free Bird!"

In a related way, I also get a huge laugh when my elderly Korean parents ask her to sing a song and she breaks out into "Bang bang boogie say up jumped the boogie to the rhythm of the boogie, the beat!"

Children are an excellent excuse for buying Nutella by the case.

Watching an episode of The Dog Whisperer on television and picking up
some good parenting tips. Cesar Milan is a mad genius, yo!

Similarly, going to the bookstore and laughing at parenting guides written by childless PhDs.

Remembering that the funnest things in life are unexpected surprises.
Like biting into a donut and discovering it's filled with chocolate.

Gathering a bunch of kids for an Easter egg hunt and then laughing at
them because you never hid any eggs. Fun game that can also be played
during Christmas or Passover.

Skipping down the street and
holding hands with your daughter while singing the "Tigger and Pooh"
theme song and wearing funny hats. Running into model ex-girlfriend
eating at trendy restaurant with a rich old guy. Realizing you won.

Related revelation: Much easier to pick up single women with cute baby
than with cute dog. Reason for recent success of my new company, Rent-a-Tot.
Act now. Special summer lease rates still available.

Eagerly awaiting the day when my daughter rolls her eyes at me and says, "Dad, you're embarrassing me!"

Discovering that true love is when you voluntarily give your child the last piece of bacon in the entire house.

Being completely mortified when your daughter spins around on the subway pole and starts licking it yet laughing because you took a photo and you can't wait to show it to her in 10 years when she's failing Algebra.

Comments

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"...going to the bookstore and laughing at parenting guides written by childless PhDs." I love listening to my childless friends speak in authoratative tones about child raising. I just keep my grinning mouth shut and let them talk.

I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.

I like the way you look at life and how it should be. There are many good times and a few bad. I know that you can not wait for her to roll her eyes at you, but it will happen for to soon and it will not stop. Have fun being a parent. Kids are the best.

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Hat's off to you, sir. A growing nebmur of scientists and others are leaving academia for various reasons. I, too, will be leaving before the end of the year to live in and work with a small self-sustainable community and to devote my skills and time to preserving and conserving our natural wildlife and biodiversity. Not greener fields' in a monetary sense at all, but certainly greener' to a better quality of living for myself and the environment. Where I can truly make a real difference.

I like the Father's Day cards. I will have to get this magazine.( The local store that I uaullsy get it at doesnt sell it anymore though. ) The memory that I have of Father's Day is when I young I would make him a card for on this special day. I was always a daddy's girl and loved him dearly and he always made me laugh.

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