We appreciate this opportunity to respond to you on behalf of PatRobertson. Dr. Robertson is not able to personally respond to all themessages he receives daily. However, he cares very much that you receive areply, and we are pleased to respond to you for him.

The following is a statement by Pat Robertson:

PAT ROBERTSON CLARIFIES HIS STATEMENTREGARDING HUGO CHAVEZ.

VIRGINIA BEACH, Va., August 24, 2005--I want to take this opportunityto clarify remarks made on the Monday, August 22nd edition of The 700Club where I adlibbed a comment following a very brilliant analysis byDale Hurd of the danger that the United States faces from theout-of-control dictator of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez. In this story, Col. Chavezrepeatedly claimed that Americans were "trying to assassinate him."In my frustration that the U.S. and the world community are ignoringthis threat, I said the following:

"Thanks, Dale. If you look back just a few years, there was a popularcoup that overthrew him; and what did the United States State Departmentdo about it? Virtually nothing; and as a result, within about 48 hours,that coup was broken, Chavez was back in power. But we had a chance tomove in. He has destroyed the Venezuelan economy, and he's going tomake that a launching pad for communist infiltration and Muslim extremismall over the continent. I don't know about this doctrine ofassassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think we reallyought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting awar, and I don't think any oil shipments will stop. But this man is aterrific danger, and this is in our sphere of influence, so we can't letthis happen. We have the Monroe Doctrine, and we have other doctrinesthat we have announced, and without question, this is a dangerous enemyto our south, controlling a huge pool of oil that could hurt us verybadly. We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has comethat we exercise that ability. We don't need another 200-billion-dollarwar to get rid of one strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier tohave some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it overwith."

Is it right to call for assassination? No, and I apologize for thatstatement. I spoke in frustration that we should accommodate the man whothinks the U.S. is out to kill him. Col. Chavez has found common causewith terrorists such as the noted assassin Carlos the Jackal, hasvisited Iran reportedly to gain access to nuclear technology, and hasreferred to Saddam Hussein and Fidel Castro as his comrades. Col. Chavezalso intends to fund the violent overthrow of democratically electedgovernments throughout South America, beginning with neighboring Colombia.As I report the news daily from around the world, I am acutelyconscious of the fact that our nation is at war. Not only are there activewars in Afghanistan and Iraq, but there is a war of terror being wagedagainst civilized nations throughout the world.

We are in the midst of a war that is draining vast amounts of ourtreasure and is costing the blood of our armed forces. I am a person whobelieves in peace, but not peace at any price. However, I said beforethe war in Iraq began that the wisest course would be to wage war againstSaddam Hussein, not the whole nation of Iraq. When faced with thethreat of a comparable dictator in our own hemisphere, would it not bewiser to wage war against one person rather than finding ourselves down theroad locked in a bitter struggle with a whole nation?

The brilliant Protestant theologian, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, who livedunder the hellish conditions of Nazi Germany, is reported to have said:"If I see a madman driving a car into a group of innocent bystanders,then I can't, as a Christian, simply wait for the catastrophe and thencomfort the wounded and bury the dead. I must try to wrestle thesteering wheel out of the hands of the driver."

On the strength of this reasoning, Bonhoeffer decided to lend hissupport to those in Germany who had joined together in an attempt toassassinate Adolf Hitler. Bonhoeffer was imprisoned and killed by the Nazis,but his example deserves our respect and consideration today.There are many who disagree with my comments, and I respect theiropinions. There are others who think that stopping a dictator is theappropriate course of action. In any event, the incredible publicitysurrounding my remarks has focused our government's attention on a growingproblem which has been largely ignored.

Everytime Pat Robertson opens his mouth something more hateful andmore stupid comes out. It is people like Mr. Robertson (note the use of"Mr." and not "Pastor" because he has lost the right to call himself a manof God) that are driving people away from God.

Pat, you need prayers and you need to see a licensed psychiatrist forsome intensive therapy. You are truly a deeply disturbed and troubledman.

8.30.2005

As promised I'm going to reflect on the good things I've experienced recently to counter the negative in my morning post. I don't intend to come across as petty or spoiled (OK, so I'm spoiled but not overly so) and to prove to myself and my readers I'm going to make a point of balancing my emotional outbursts in my blog.

Most importantly I am relieved that Katrina wasn't any worse than it was. While innocent lives were lost and countless treasures to many individuals destroyed or damaged it could have been much more devastating. I pray all the folks in Mississippi & Louisiana receive the strength and determination needed to put their lives back together and move forward. A special mention to the World's Sexiest Cajun, Brett. You're much loved and many, many people are thinking of you.

On my way out to work this morning I walked directly into the path of two hummingbirds on my front porch. It seems that the hanging baskets of Wave Petunias attract them. They are incredibly fast for such delicate little critters.

The new maid who'll I'll now refer to as "Hazel" did an amazing job on the house. It was well worth the extra day wait as the place is impeccable.

It rained on/off most of the day and it was downright pleasant outside this afternoon. Bad hair is much more tolerable when you have the rain to blame it on.

I heard on the radio that recent polls show W's approval rating at a record low of 36%. There is a God and surely he is smiling.

A house down the street from mine just listed for over 1/2 a million bucks. Equity sweet equity.

My friend "CJ" who owns the spray tanning salon is coming over tonight with her family. My wonderful T made her hysterical 14 y.o. daughter a cake for her birthday. I love the whole family and will no doubt laugh away a good majority of the Botox left in me. And I don't care a bit.

I have a 5 day weekend coming up.

My African Violets are in full bloom. A neat story about these particular plants: I've had them for some 15 years. They were just beautiful when I got them and then they simply quit blooming. The day my dad passed away they started blooming again and haven't stopped since. Today they are exceptionally lovely.

My doggies smell so sweet and their fur is like, well it's like fur. Super soft and luxurious. The place we board them is awesome and the owner, a bubbly, big haired woman, is wonderful with my kids. The Lab, our little biter, even likes her.

Every day I meet more and more interesting people through the blogs and grow to love and appreciate the ones I've been following for some time even more.

I looked very smart (as my momma would and did say) today at work. Wearing a lime green, thinly-striped Joseph Abboud tailored shirt and dark gray Calvin Klein pin-stripe slacks I felt thin and vibrant. Many thanks to CJ for the perfect and safe tan to set off my youthful, healthy glow and to Lacoste for my favorite new scent.

Blah pretty much sums up my mood for the past couple of days. In fact I'm feeling so blah that I went to the trusty Thesaurus to find another word that is a tad more exciting to express my current state. Hence the word platitudinous in my title for my morning post. You have to admit it does sound a tad more interesting than blah.

It all started yesterday. I woke up in a funk...went to work in a funk (which worsened as the day progressed)...and stayed that way until I got home. At the risk of this post sounding like a bromidic sermon (yep, found that term in the the thesaurus too) but for the sake of getting all of this off my chest I'm going to list some of the things that may be contributing to this slight down turn in my emotional state.

It is hotter than hell. It's hot outside and it's hot in the office area of the model center where I work. Add to this it's humid. Miserably humid. Sugar melts and by my being the sweetest person I know (feel free to laugh) it's likely that I will evaporate. My hair looks like shit when it's humid. Fly-away hair is an understatement. It's more like a sonic boom of untamed frizz.

My co-workers and I have got to confront our weekend person (who is also a friend of mine) about brining her newborn to work with her. You just cannot be running to the restroom every 30 minutes to nurse when there are 20 people willing to fork out big bucks that need your attention. Please just stay home and let the alternate (a hilarious post-menopausal friend) come in and do the job the way it should be done until you get the baby off the teat.

I had to call my doctor again for a referral for PSA blood work and a reputable dermatologist/plastic surgeon to have multiple basil cell cancers removed from my chest. So it's bad enough to have to have these procedures in the first place to have to beg for it is a damn outrage. Draw the damn blood already and find me someone who can cut off a bunch of moles and not leave me with a polka-dot chest. If he/she does brow lifts then it's a bonus for them because I am interviewing surgeons at this time.

My current HMO is being discontinued and I'll have 30 days to select a new one. Of course Humana has no idea what the replacement policy will be or pricing at this time..."You'll have to wait and see what we send you"... I feel like I'm being screwed and without the benefit of a reach-around.

The new maid didn't show up yesterday. This isn't a good sign. I page her (she doesn't use a cell phone - just a pager) and finally she calls with woes of car troubles over the weekend. When I ask if her car is running presently she tells me yes. It was just the weekend. So what the hell does that have to do with Monday? She is coming today and it's free because I've referred her two new clients. That's a good thing I suppose.

I spent an hour on the phone with a Securities Corporation about setting up a new IRA. Today I get to do it again because the package the agent mailed arrived and I have make some decisions. Nothing like planning for the golden years.

I got an invoice from my company for $1,600. It seems that they paid everyone in my office early on a commission and we have to return the funds. Why not just NOT pay us in two weeks when the check is actually due us? Fortunately, I have other checks waiting on me so I won't starve but it's the principal of the thing. They're always fucking something up in accounting.

I ordered pizza for dinner last night. Not only is it loaded with fat it's loaded with fat. When one is taking Xenical to reduce fat intake one wants to avoid fat at all costs if you know what I mean. It hasn't proven to be a very pleasant morning.

I hate my coffee maker. I've always been a die-hard fan of Bunn coffee makers but this particular model has this thermal carafe that "keeps coffee piping hot for hours". Well, that's a damn lie. It doesn't have a warming plate and it may keep the coffee hot for 30 minutes and I have to microwave each cup of coffee. Did I mention that coffee speeds up the nasty side effects of Xenical after one has eaten pizza the night before?

Mildew is taking over the sod in our backyard. I'd thought it was some sort of lawn pest that could be treated with a toxic/deadly/dangerous chemical. Turns out it's from too much water. It would be a lot easier for me to write a check and have some guy spray the yard as opposed to having to now check the blades for texture and firmness and adjusting the sprinklers every damn day. Maybe I can get T to hide some colorful plastic Easter eggs out in the back to make this tedious routine a little more fun. Maybe he'll even put something inside the eggs. Are you reading this T?

So that is my whinny, self-absorbed, poor-pitiful-me post. During the composition of this post I've thought of many good things to write about which I'll post about later. Until then blah.

8.29.2005

First off I'd like to send a big THANK YOU to everyone who left a comment on T's 40th birthday post. We headed over to Amelia Island to my sisters beach place right after I posted and it was truly a shock to see all the kind words. What a great bunch of folks you all are. I meant every word I said regarding our relationship. I am very lucky and I truly wish everyone to find someone as awesome as my Punkin.

So the weekend was really nice. T & I hooked up with a friend of his from high school he hadn't see in 20 years who just moved to the island. (Talk about a small world) She's a beautiful person and her husband is a hoot. I told him no less than 5 times to write a damn book already. He is like the heterosexual version of Augusten Burroughs. I look forward to getting to know them better as we visit Amelia and when they eventually come up here.

Speaking of friends & visitors: A girl I went to high school who has lived in Tampa for the as long as we've lived in Florida finally emailed me after a 2 year hiatus. We've always had a strange relationship in that we've been friends since 2nd grade but never talked on the phone like every day. I can take her in small doses and vice/versa but we care about each other. So every year we've hooked up for a weekend and stayed in touch by phone, letters (anyone remember letters?), and email. I've been by her side through several very weird relationships, her courtship with a much younger man and their eventual marriage. So why the lapse of contact on her part in 2 years? No returning my calls, no Christmas cards, no emails, nothing.

Then I get this email Friday:

What are you doing the last week in September?I'm taking some time off and thought maybe I would come to see you. I think it's only been 2 years. I would probably drive up on a Sunday morning and leave Tuesday morning. I've never fiddled around the shops and thought I would pop over to that little antique town on Monday while you guys are working. Want to see your new house as well. What do you think? Would that work? I suppose it would work but I'm not sure if I want it to. I'm real close to writing her back (which I've not done yet) using one of the following scenarios:

I'll create a bogus email address and write her pretending to be my "personal assistant":

Haven't you heard? Pookie took a nasty fall over a log in January while stalking that hunky Jeff Corwin in Borneo and was bitten by a Temple Viper. He is doing fine but upon meeting him Jeff has asked him to accompany him to Nepal. Look for Pookie on the April 22, 2006 episode as he and Jeff adopt for a Banner-tailed Kangaroo Rat and hand feed it back to health. I'll let him know you wrote you wrote. Or perhaps this:

Dear Fan: Power Pole Pookie receives a lot of fan mail and while he'd like to respond to each letter personally his schedule simply doesn't permit it. Please know that he appreciates his fans and your loyalty and thinks about you while he brings himself to explosive ecstasy while he is shooting the sequel to "Power Pole Pookie Plows Through the Frat Boys of the SEC". Please visit his web site and mention Code: PPPxxx69 for a special DVD discount.I suppose I could just reply and tell her that I'm sorry but I have friends coming that weekend that I've actually heard from since 2003. This whole thing kind of pisses me off. In the end I may just end up not replying at all. For two years. Then I reply and tell her to come on down.

8.26.2005

As of today both my boyfriend T (of Soup du Jour of the Day) and I have each officially reached the big 4-0 .Who'd have thought that A) we'd ever live to be this old and B) that we'd still be together? This September we'll hit our 15 year anniversary and I thank God every day that somehow I've managed to hold on to this wonderful man that loves me completely and accepts me as the quirky, bitchy, wild spirit that I am. Some would say that I am lucky. I would say that I am truly blessed. If I had just one wish for my Punkin on his birthday it would be that he knows how much I truly love him. He's more handsome than the day I met him and still has that great ass that attracted me to him in the first place. He grows kinder and more patient with every year. Most of all he's put up with me through the thick and thin...all of my drama...my bitchiness and my quirks... and he's still here by my side.

8.25.2005

This morning something really bizarre has happened. I can't access the sites of some of my favorite bloggers. It is only happening with those who have their own domain and run their blogs from their site. Purpletwinkie, BratBoy, Jay: I adore you guys but some evil homophobic Demon is preventing me from accessing your sites. I've restarted the modem, the router, called the Cable company, lay hands on the computer and tried faith healing...all to no avail. My next step is to either call Robert Tilton & Benny Hinn and ask that the Demons be cast out and that my computer be "hee-yalled in the name of Jeeze-us! Amen." If you boys don't see me posting at your sites it's because of them demons n' things.

My next computer drama is that I cannot figure out how Blogroll works. I set up an account, copy/pasted all the goodies into my template, and nothing happens. Now I am pretty behind the times with all this technical stuff (I don't even own a PDA *GASP* I still use a Franklin Day Planner and a pen) so any suggestions for this dumb blonde would be greatly appreciated.

On a side note having nothing to do with demons, computers, or Geek stuff... I'm glad some of ya'll enjoyed my satirical post yesterday. Once upon a time I wrote a lot of satire, mainly religious, and it was fun getting back into that frame of mind. Besides, it gave me an excuse to post two really hot, naked men on a horse.

Update: It's a meer-a-cal! My computer is hee-yalled! Hallee-looya! All I had to do was think of our fearless leader....man of Gawd, truth, justice, and Patriotism, George W. Bush and the demons were cast out. (Much like our relations with all other civilized nations. All cast out.)Not sure what the trouble was but it's gone and I can see your lovely faces (hot bodies) and read your words of wisdom (dirty tales) without trouble.

8.24.2005

With all the frenzy surrounding the upcoming movie, Brokeback Mountain , a film primarily about Barebacking between friends, I felt that a bit of Barebacking Safety was in order. Young men around the world (the obvious targeted market for this film) will want to emulate the stars they see on the big screen and I want their first Barebacking experience to be safe and fun.

Most cowboys agree that barebacking is the most physically demanding event, taking an immense toll on the cowboy's body. Muscles are stretched to the limit, joints are pulled and pounded mercilessly, and ligaments are strained and frequently rearranged. The strength of barebacking is exceptional, and challenging them is often costly.

Barebackers endure more abuse, suffer more injuries and carry away more long-term damage than all other cowboys.

To stay aboard the Barebacker will sometimes use a rigging made of leather. The rigging, which resembles a suitcase handle on a strap, is placed on and adjusted and then secured with a cinch. Other times the Barebacker will use stirrups. If the Barebacker isn't comfortable with this technique or is inexperienced then he may tip forward, and thus shifting his weight forward, too. This makes the ride too rough. The determination and drive of the first time Barebacker will keep him hopping back on for more when inevitably falls off.

To bring out, polish, and perfect the Bareback experience the Barebacker should sit-down on what is known in the Bareback community the "sweet spot". If using stirrups they should be adjusted so that the legs of the rider are free swinging and hung forward. By letting the legs hang (naturally) in the narrowest place on the sides the Barebacker will achieve the "rider's groove".

As the rider bursts from the chute, the rider must have both spurs touching the shoulders until the feet hit the ground after the initial move from the chute.This is called "marking out."

As the bucking begins the rider pulls his knees up, rolling his spurs up the shoulders. As the descent begins the cowboy straightens his legs, returning his spurs over the point of the shoulders in anticipation of the next jump.

A Barebacker can enhance the experience by perfecting his technique. By keeping his toes turned out while he is riding and showing his willingness to take whatever might come during his ride he will reach new heights of satisfaction.

Barebacking can be rough and explosive and it isn't for everyone. But, according to bareback riders, it's the cowboy way.

I hope that in some small way this post will make Barebacking a fun and learning experience for those trying it for the first time.

8.23.2005

"We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability," Robertson said Monday on the Christian Broadcast Network's "The 700 Club."

"We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator," he continued. "It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with."

UPDATE: I just this moment got off the phone with a prayer partner at the 700 Club. I spoke at great length with a polite young woman and told her how outraged I am that a man who calls himself a man of God would actually make such a hateful remark under the guise of Christianity. I went on to tell her that "I" would be praying for Pat Robertson's soul and that he will make peace with himself and with his God. You may call the 700 Club at (800) 759-0700 and offer your prayers for Pat as well.

I am actually signed up for the AFA "Action Alerts" emails. Every so often, when they are trying to divert the attention off of their own faults, the AFA will send out a petition to sign and a mass email form to send to whatever CEO or Politician it is they're on a bend about. Well, being Pookie as I am, I will always change the heading and content of the letter to suit my own needs before pressing the little "send" button. I always cc: AFA with my version of the letter in hopes that someone will read it and see that I am single-handedly undermining their entire operation. OK, that's a stretch but I feel so good doing it. To date I've yet to receive a thing from AFA chastising me for this but I did a couple of years back get a reply from NBC regarding Will & Grace and how they appreciate MY support. LOL! MY AFA support for showing positive gay men on mainstream television.

How's that Donald not-so-Wild Mon? Let me bend over so you can kiss this perfectly tanned ass.

If you'd like to join me in my one man crusade against the terrorists at AFA you can register for their nonsense here. A little copy/paste can be fun when done at the expense of the Religious Mafia.

8.22.2005

What a whirlwind weekend. I wish I could say I spent my time dancing the nights away and my days lounging in the sun with some exotic frozen drink but I'd be lying. Saturday was by far the busiest day in the office that I have seen since we opened in January 2004. It was non-stop people from 10am-5pm. The part-timer, a friend of mine, was on the schedule and while she was there in body she was of very little use. Three weeks ago she gave birth to her second child and (are you ready for this) she brought the baby to work. Did I mention she's breast feeding and that she'd had cesarean birth? Needless to say she couldn't spend a lot of time on her feet and every 30 minutes she was in the restroom nursing.

Sunday was a tad bit better as the traffic wasn't near as busy but "Dr. B" dropped in (without an appointment) and expected a full pledged design appointment for her new home. Well guess what? She didn't get it. I turned into "Mr. B" and put her ass in her place. I believe she now has a new found respect for the term "appointment" and "courtesy call". Oh, she'll have a beautiful new home but basically she has lost out on the right to make 75% of the decisions as legally (according to the contract) yours truly has full right to make all of the design choice seeing as she's missed her deadline. Out of the kindness of my heart I allowed her to pick an exterior color and a tile for the master bathroom.

Two Morals to the tale of the weekend: If you have a new baby KEEP IT AT HOME. No one wants to hear/see/smell your screaming baby in a business environment no matter how adorable it is. Secondly, never, ever try to out-bitch Pookie when there is a legal, binding contract on his side. He will always win and you will look like a damn fool in front of all your like minded, self-absorbed, God complex inhibited Doctor friends. Amen.

The upside to the weekend is that in the evenings I managed to get my sexy hubby T out for dinner both nights and I finished reading Magical Thinking by Augusten Burroughs. What an amazing book. What an amazing guy he is. I highly recommend all of his books.

So I work again today. There is a mountain of paperwork and files to process but I'll muddle through. I also have to have the completed plans for the 2006 Spring Parade home turned in by Wednesday. This little design project is more like play than work for me as I have carte blanche with the budget and creative expression. This is why I love my job so much - I have the best developer/builder in the world to work with.

TMI:

I am having exceptionally good results with the Xenical. A little over a week into this cycle and I can tell that I've lost at least 2" in my waist and I can see the beginnings of cheek bones again. I've been trying to get as much use as possible out of my white linen draw-string slacks and some killer white jeans before Labor Day. (one just doesn't wear white after Labor Day) When I bought them in spring I could easily wear the jeans w/o a belt and the tie on slacks didn't leve me a lot of excess for tying. Yesterday I hurried out of the house wearing the jeans and forgot the belt. All day long I felt like a rapper-wanna-be with my pants hanging around my ass.

Speaking of my ass it's the first thing to go when I lose weight. Right now I still have a nice little round ass but it's shrinking. So I lose some ass but I possibly gain a few years to my life by reducing cholesterol. The trade off is pretty good. Oh.......If this keeps up I will be able to wear the Versace jeans I bought off the clearance rack at Macy's last year for $59.00. Yes, you read it right, $59.00 down from $239.00 and I bought them knowing it may be while before I could wear them. Shit, they still have the price on them. I'm feeling pretty good about this whole Xenical thing. I've taken it before but not with this good of results. (Maybe because I'm sticking to it???) I'm guessing my bad cholesterol is down another 15 points or so and I hope I can get off the Lipitor and control it by diet and weight. If you haven't tried this drug then look into it. But be aware that there are some very....how do I say this....fast acting side effects. It's not a speed it breaks down fat and turns it into oil. Enough said.

Guess I've rambled on enough about my life. Now I'm off to read about yours. Great day to everyone who stops by this wonderful Monday.

8.20.2005

And I ain't talking about that sickeningly sweet lil ole Christmas tune. This is another Meme. I was tagged by that multi-talented and wickedly funny Scotty and being the dutiful blogger that I am I've obliged. Here's what the rules are:

List ten songs that you are currently digging ... it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're no good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists, and the ten songs in your blog. Then tag five other people to see what they're listening to.My results:

8.19.2005

"You Were an Accident""Strangers Have the Best Candy""The Little Sissy Who Snitched""Some Kittens Can Fly!""Getting More Chocolate on Your Face""Where Would You Like to Be Buried?""Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her""The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of Western Eur- Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!""All Dogs Go to Hell""The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking""You Are Different and That's Bad""Dad's New Wife Timothy""Pop! Goes the Hamster....and Other Great Microwave Games""Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Only Your Household Pets""The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad""Babar Meets the Taxidermist""Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence""The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables""Start a Real-Estate Empire with the Change from Your Mom's Purse""The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy""Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will""The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and Are Shot Dead""How to Become the Dominant Military Power in Your Elementary School""Controlling the Playground: Respect through Fear""When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer, They Say God Did It""Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia""What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?""Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?""Bi-Curious George""Daddy Drinks Because You Cry""Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver"

8.17.2005

First off I was holding on to a secret that I couldn't share - my boyfriends surprise party for the big 4-0. It was last Friday night and I actually managed to pull it off without so much as a hint of what was to be. You can read about it here at his blog.

Prior to the party I was on a mission to get as much done in the Owner Suite of our house. Painting, shopping, yada..yada..yada... A boy known for his impeccable style and flair for design can't have his home in shambles with a house full of his peers lurking about now can he?

My poor Lab, Gabriel, had a rough two days. He is a very emotional dog and apparently something clicked causing depression & anxiety to set in. The poor thing had to be sedated and was about one step away from seeing a doggie psychiatrist. He goes through this every few months and it upheaves our entire home. I am happy to report that he is back to his normal, bitchy and biting self.

Work has been insane. All of the petty little clients who have nothing better to do than sit home and dream up drama were on me like stink on shit. Everyone had a crisis of some sort. There is the older woman who was "distraught" over having to submit a fence plan to the HOA. Quote: "I am an old woman (60) on a limited income (she just sold a $700,000 home for CASH - no mortgage) and it upsets me greatly to have to go through this." So honey, you turn in a piece of paper and you pay $125 for a survey. She calls every day. Twice a day. Then there is another older woman who cannot distinguish the difference between a recessed light and "a hole in the ceiling with a light bulb." OMG she called yesterday in tears because she just didn't know how she'd work the thing when she moves in. You flip the switch, hon. And my favorite: The Asian Doctor who was born IN THE US, schooled IN THE US, and parents were born IN THE US. Well, her ability to understand English become very difficult when there are monies involved or deadlines to meet. So I call her realtor (who is Asian-American and speaks 4 languages) and inform her that is Dr. "B" (for bitch) doesn't get her ass in gear and PRONTO that I was pulling the plug on her house. Period. I was tired of fooling with her and had the full support of the developer to toss her ass to the street. Guess what? Suddenly Dr. "B" gets it. That bitch.

The new housekeeper started this week. Monday to be exact and she is amazing. That said the old housekeepers came last Wednesday and I had to let them go. "Uhhh, we are going to handle the house on our own for a while. I'll be in touch." The new lady does more by herself in three hours than the other four ladies did in two. And the new girl is a lot less expensive. Good domestic help is as hard to find as a needle in a haystack.

Oh, and I started Xenical. It's a combination cholesterol and weight loss pill. The only downside to this drug is one nasty little side effect that happens when you eat fatty foods. I shan't elaborate an farther than saying STAY AWAY from the fried food if you want to be able to leave your house for an indeterminable future.

Another project has fallen into my lap. My developer has me working on his personal home now. A weekend place - a mere 6,000 s.f get away. Now I am in heaven working on this scale because I love the challenge and I adore this man and his family. But there is a huge time issue and it's taking a lot more "me" time than I thought. Hopefully the pay off at the end will be worth it. Speaking of.... I have my 3rd meeting this week with the family in an hour so I best run. I can't keep the hand that feeds me so well waiting.

Whew...it feels good to get this out. This was almost most as calming to me as my beloved morning Xanax and a cup of coffee.

So today is my moms big driving lesson. After 3 accidents in less than 8 months (and 2 brand new cars in as much) she is taking a defensive driving lesson for senior citizens. My mom is 79, remarkably spry, and in good health for her age. She is very cautious driver but has this "thing" about driving in the left (fast) lane all the time. Every accident she's ever had has been in the left lane. One would think she'd learn after the second time but she didn't. So today she goes to driving school. The funny thing is that the lady teaching the one-on-one class is......you ready for this...85. It is an AARP sponsored class and apparently this little old granny teaching the class is a specialist in teaching those over 55 to drive again. Yours truly will be in the back seat during the lesson. If for some reason the two grannies manage to get us all killed then know that my last thought (after OH SHIT!) will be how much I loved my T and my blogging buddies.

8.15.2005

So my buddy Doriscollared me into seeing what kind dog I'd be if I had four leags, a tail, and barked alot. I do bark a lot and am occasionally known to bite if need be so this game makes perfect sense.

In order to play you need to go to Gone to the Dogs and follow the What Dog Are You link. It only takes a few minutes and it's quite fun.

My results:

Dog NameDUTCH SHEPHERD (LONGHAIRED, ROUGHHAIRED, SHORTHAIRED)

OriginsNetherlands. Similar to Belgium Shepherds and German Shepherd. Originated in early 1700's as a herding dog.

Personality These obedient, hardy, and trustworthy dogs make excellent guards and are impervious to bad weather. More suited to rural surroundings where it can exert its natural herding instincts.Now play the game:Rules:*Go to www.Gone2TheDogs.com and select game.*Follow the instructions*Answer the questions*Find out what dog you are and*Post the answer on your blog!*Collar someone else

8.11.2005

Stole this idea from Scotty over at The Once Exciting now Boring Life of ME: "Do you read me?""If you read me on a regular/semi regular basis, leave me a comment and let me know. Then post this in your blog and find out who reads you. You'll be surprised how many different people read you, and you never know who you might become friends with." So take a minute and share your personal testimony of how life just wouldn't be worth living without Pookie in it. OK, just leave the damn comment.

8.09.2005

8.08.2005

There seems to be too few days in the week..hours in the day... and so little time. That is of course if one spends 75% of their "at home" time in front a computer playing games or reading/writing blogs. So last week I took a good long look at what needed to be done around the house and made myself a list. In order to shame myself into completing my list I'm going to post all of my chores and indicate when they are completed.

1) Paint the Owner's Suite = DONE

2) Rearrange the furniture in above room = DONE

3) Buy new lamps for the same = DONE (twice as I bought a pair & hated them and then spent 6 hours yesterday looking for something that works in the room -- Yay! They look great)

4) Call cable company and have the alternate cable outlet activated to accommodate new furniture placement = DONE (called them as soon as I typed it - Damn, this is working already)

9) Buy fertilizer for palms, new trees, and shrubs. Then actually put it out as opposed to letting it sit in the garage for two months like the rose fertilizer. = 1/2 DONE

10) Edge flower beds in rear yard and by fencing = 1/2 DONE (have a neighbor/landscaper coming out to do it. Was supposed to be done yesterday but either rain or a hangover kept him away)

11) Call HOA management service and complain about front yard not being weeded/edged - not that it will do any good as the company is virtually worthless = DONE (for what it's worth -- they really are a sorry management company)

12) Clean & paint front porch rails. There is grout debris all over the place from having slate installed and it looks like shit. I want it pretty & white again.

13) Check into a low sheen sealer for said slate that can be applied over the matte finish sealer I put on right after it was installed. I just thought I wanted a matte finish. Now I want is shinier.

14) Apply said sealer to slate if it exists. Another all day job.

15) Pressure wash rear patio, screened porch floor, and driveway.

16) Seal said concrete areas with a "wet look" sealer. This requires boarding the dogs overnight.

17) Sand and re-stain wood glider on patio. Once upon a time it was a pretty oak color. Now it's kind of green & brown.

18) Have evergreens moved in front yard and something...not sure what...installed in it's place. These evergreens really bother me for some reason.

19) Install Crepe Myrtles along fence in rear yard

20) Clean facia above garage -- looks like someone sat on the roof and poured oil on them

21) Call gutter company again to see when they plan to install front gutters

22) Get estimate on enclosing rear patio with screen cage. This will likely include a trip to the hospital after I faint after reading the quote.

24) Organize kitchen pantry & cabinets before something falls out on one up us and renders us dead.

25) Put San Francisco "stuff" in scrap book. No, I do not do elaborate scrapbooks with cute ribbons and fabric. I scotch tape or staple whatever it is that I want to keep on the page. = DONE

26) Call my buddies housekeeper and beg..bribe...cry... so she'll take me on as a client. According to him the woman is awesome. She does laundry, cleans under furniture, and actually dusts "under" things as opposed to around them. She has one slot left and I aim to get it. The service we use now is OK but not worth what we're paying. = DONE (called her this morning - she came by the house & we interviewed each other. She is awesome. She starts Monday and she's $15 a week less than the ones we currently use)

27) Go to gym. OMG this is like my least favorite thing to do but for longevity and health I need to get into a routine.

28) Orgainze CD collection. Somewhere along the line A Kitty Wells Christmas and Led Zeppelin's Presence ended up in the same rack. All of the CD's are like this. Sheer chaos. = DONE (had to put everything back in the armoire in the BR so did right)

29) Figure out what to do for T's 40th Birthday. It's right around the corner and I need to find something really special and memorable to mark the occasion. Yesterday we went to K-Mart after dinner and while carrying out a vacuum I bought (the old one smelled like dog) I told him "Happy Birthday Honey".

30) Organize my Bog Buddy list and links. I have to do some major adding of links and some organizing. I want this blog to be as simplified and free of confusion as my life it. (rolls eyes)

8.07.2005

“Father, Lord, the government is in your hand, the rulers are in your hand. This great and mighty nation, Lord, stands as a beacon of hope to so many oppressed people. But Lord, if our foundations are crumbling, then this great beacon won’t stand for long. And we pray, Lord, that this one key area of our government might be dramatically changed, that we might see people who respect the Constitution and who respect the fundamental law of the land.

“Lord, give us righteous judges who will not try to legislate and dominate this society,” he continued. “Take control, Lord! We ask for additional vacancies on the court, and we ask for additional fine people like John Roberts. Lord, speed this hearing process; may there be no rancor. May the Senate comport itself as it should, and may we see peace, harmony and a rapid confirmation process. Do miracles, Lord. We pray in Jesus’ name. Amen.” -- Pat Robertson

You can write to Pat Robertson's 700 Club Feedback and tell them what you think of this fine, upstanding Christian man. Be sure and tell them that a proud Gay Liberal sent ya.

8.05.2005

So today was the day that I painted the bedroom. It was a tedious and laborious task but the end result was worth it. At one point either the fumes or sheer delirium took over and I started humming the themes song to Mary Tyler Moore. For those in the know this song now reminds me of one of my favorite bloggers, Petunia. So I painted her a personal message with the new wall paint.

Well, the room is going to look smashing. Once the room everything is installed, drapers are in, things bought.... and it's is all pulled together (probably a month) I'll post a before and after pic.

Anyhoo, here I am painting this room without alcohol and without help getting frustrated as hell. This new color is like 5 times darker than what I was painting over and the paint itself was really thick. I've done a lot of painting in my days but this is I believe the last time. So I saved about $300-$400. But how much might I have made had I been at work instead? Well, there is something to be said for doing it yourself and that's HIRE SOMEONE NEXT TIME.

I am dead tired from doing manual labor and we're going to some close friends for dinner. We adore these people but we are truly worried of what they may cook. (Last time it was a beet and sour cream salad -- T loved that don't ya know -- and some weird chicken/pork/ham dish that I am quite certain was from a Better Homes & Gardens magazine from 1969. And, it wasn't cooked completely. ) There is always McDonald's on the way home.

8.03.2005

I am just on a tear today with this blog thingie. I've got way too many ideas and thoughts racing through my twisted little mind that I want to share. So I'm going to try my hand at a list that isn't stolen or borrowed from another blogger and see if anyone takes the idea and runs with it. Now Mr. T has already threatened me with everything short of divorce if I post some of these but I'm hoping he loves me just enough to keep me around after I publish it.

Nicknames for my honey and how I got them

Punkin (his favorite)Butterbean (no clue where this one came from)Dingleberry (he really, really, really hates this one -and being the bitch that I am I torture him with it)Mr. Butt (he has an amazing ass)Mr. Rogers (don't ask)Poo Bear (just a cute name)Big Daddy (another one he hates)Big Mama (ditto)Chicklette (think Female Troubles)Muffin (I call lot's of people Muffin)T.R. (his initials)Mary (oh come on! every gay man over 30 has called someone Mary)Tyrone (just sounds so butch)Snickerdoodle

Nicknames for our kids (dogs) (Mind you both dogs are large and male)

DaisyButtercupMary (again with the Mary)BooPoo-PooNikki-dickeyDalilahHeathenDevil dogNO! (for the Lab and he will answer to it)STOP! (ditto)What the f***?! (ditto)Crazy ass dogPoodle (added 8/5/05)Tickle (added 8/5/05 )

So this is the ones that come to mind. I'm sure there are many more and the list grows daily. Got any you'd like to share?

Last week I broke down and called up a lady who makes the most fabulous window coverings you can imagine. I've used her in the past for projects but never for my own home. I kind of already knew what I wanted -- a hotel suite "look & feel" but had no clue as to the colors, fabrics, or textures the room needed to achieve my goal. Well, needless to say Roberta saved the day. In she comes armed with a mind boggling amount of swatches and I start panicking. Like I've said before I can do someone else's design with no problem but my own? I may as well be color blind. But luckily I immediately found a fabric for the cornice board and the draperies one and fell in love with it.

Fabric crisis solved I brought out my trusty paint swatches. All of a sudden it was like doing someone else home. I was able make a decision in literally a matter of minutes that pulls the drapes, the bed linens, rugs, art...everything together. So today I stopped by Sherwin Williams and bought the paint. I couldn't wait to get home and try it out on the wall for "the big test". It is sumptuous. The color is SW 6109 Hopsack - a brownish color with just enough green to make it rich and warm if anyone really cares.

The picture is the actual color taken from Sherwin Williams online design program. Anyway, on my wall it looks just as good (if not better) than I'd hoped. Now time to start painting. I was going to hire it out but after getting the bill for the window coverings (which sent me into tremors) I've decided to open a nice bottle of wine and have a painting party saving myself about $300. Even T has offered to help and he hates painting worse than eating vegetables or going to the ballet.

The window treatments will be installed in about a month so I have a little bit of time to get the room painted, the cable moved, the furniture rearranged, and buy new lamps. In case it's not obvious I am so damn happy to finally see this project coming together. Hell I may even post a picture of the finished product on my blog.

On another design note, a friend of mine referred her inlaws to me and I am doing their new condo site unseen. They stopped by the office yesterday and I spent about 30 minutes learning their likes and dislikes but they are returning to their "summer home" out of state and won't return until everything is in progress. So why is it that I get so freaked out doing something to my own home but for someone I barely know I can move full force ahead?

8.02.2005

Credit for this post goes to Alexander who I assume stole the idea from Jay who stole it from Steve . It's basically ten things you probably didn't know (or may not even care to know) about me.

1) I shamelessly steal lists and ideas from other bloggers. But I always give credit where credit is due.

2) Sometimes when no one is looking I make faces at children. My favorite place to do this is in the market. It's hysterical to make a face at a kid and then act all innocent when their parents catch them sticking out their tongue at me. It's not as bad as what a friend of mine in Atlanta does. She'll pass gas in the grocery store and then let whatever child (even her own) is around take the blame for it.

3) If I have a dream in which my T pisses me off I will seek revenge when I wake up. I'll select one hair on his arm and pull it as fast and hard as I can to wake him up. Then I pretend to be asleep. Sometimes I do this if he is snoring too. Call me a bitch. He does.

4) I secretly feed my hubby T fresh vegetables. He really hates all vegetables but I love him and want him to get some in his diet. In order to do this I'll process the hell out of a carrot...Some beans or broccoli...Whatever I have on hand and mix it in wherever possible with a stew, sauce, or main dish. He can't even tell I do it he is eating better.

5) If I am in the right place and time and see a parking meter that is expired I will put some change in it. Partly because it's a nice thing to do but mainly because it keeps the "system" from giving out another ticket. This is particularly fun if there is a meter maid nearby and they see you doing it.

6) I love my caller ID and I use it to screen calls. Hell, we all do it but most won't admit to it. There are just sometimes I don't feel like talking to anyone. (If someone leaves a message I always check it to see if it's an emergency)

7) I have probably 20 kinds of cologne (and counting) and each morning I base which cologne I wear based on my mood for the day. The same with my shirts. I can't just grab something and throw it on. I have to choose based on emotion.

8) Once upon a time I worked for a subsidiary "not for profit" *wink * *wink* business of a very large, very popular Baptist church by day and worked in a male strip joint by night. (Obviously I was much younger and in much better shape)

9) Many years ago during a snow/ice storm a whole bunch in the apartment complex T and I lived in hung out for three days partying and playing in the snow. One guy was SO DAMNED OBNOXIOUS and LOUD that several of us conspired and we put a Xanax in his beer so he would get sleepy and go home. It worked.

10) As vain as I pretend to be...OK I am vain...But I am still very comfortable in my own skin. I'm 40 now and I've learned to be happy with the body I have now and accept that I am not 20 or never will be again. I could spend all my free time going to the gym every day...dieting like mad...But I don't because I just don't enjoy it. For me life is too short to spend my time working for a six-pack (which really isn't attractive at all to me anyway) or a 30" waist again. Not gonna happen. Besides, so long as there are still spray tans, Botox, dark fabrics and vertical stripes I'll still look pretty damn good for an old fart.

8.01.2005

1) The self-important CEO: This is the guy who thinks he knows what's best for everyone. He is successful and he wants everyone around him to know it. His opinion (which he is always wont to give) overrides anyone else's and he is never, ever wrong. 9/10 are laughing at this guy and he's too self absorbed in himself to even notice.

2) An educated but dumb genius: This person can have all the PHD's in the world hanging in their office but the second guess the smallest decisions in their life. They obsess about the most minor things and will takes something and chew all the flavor out of it as opposed to just accepting their gut instinct. Even worse after you think you're finally through conversing with them they go "Just one more question".

3) A proud redneck: Just who in the hell really wants to be a redneck? To wear a t-shirt or ball cap broadcasting that you are a redneck is so completely beyond my understanding. Aren't people supposed to strive to achieve better in life as opposed to relishing their ignorance?

4) People who use the word Liberal like it's a bad thing: God I am so sick of these rabid GOP pricks spouting off the same old shit over and over and over. Rush Limbaugh said it so it must be true and you must perpetuate his wisdom until your dying breath. Do these people not realize how insanely stupid they sound? Do they not have a mind of their own?

5) Religious Zealots: No need to elaborate on this. See #4 and apply the last two sentences.

6) People who are capable but won't help themselves: Better yet people who can but won't. These are the folks who depend on others to do every damn thing for them be it. All of their problems are the fault of someone else and the world owes them. Ya Lazy bastards, get off your ass and do it yourself or in the case of a panhandler get out and get a damn job.

Continuing with some things that really, really piss me off...

7) A stapler that has run out of staples: There are like 10,000 staples in every refill so how in the hell does it ever run out?

8) Coat hangers that stick together: There is nothing like getting into a fight with a coat hanger when you are in a hurry to get dressed.

9) The dripping coffee/soda cup: You know those cheap ones that have the seam up the side that never fail to develop a leak and drip about one minute after you've walked around with them.

10) The missing button: The dry cleaning bill was $100 but the closet is full of clean clothes. You go to grab a shirt (the one that matches my mood of the moment) and when you put it on there is a button missing right in the front. Do dry cleaners do this on purpose?

11) Toilet seat: So you go to sit on the toilet and there are two really bad things that can happen. It's either wet because someone didn't raise the seat before taking a leak or the damn seat slides to one side.

12) Weak coffee: So it's made the same way day after day. The same measurement...same brand but every once in a while it comes out like water and it has to be dumped out.

13) Food preparation: You order a steak or burger "well done" in a restaurant. You go so far as to say "No pink please" or if it's a steak "the chef can butterfly it if that would be easier". Guess what? The meat comes out bloody. You send it back and it comes back worse than before.

14) Interupted internet service: Taking the morning coffee into the home office to check the email and discovering that there is no cable connection. Then spending 1/2 hour on the phone with customer service.

15) Kitchen cabinets: Hours have been spent organizing, labeling, and structuring the pantry and cabinets so that everything is in it's place and easy to find. Well, that only lasts for about a week. Utter chaos and things fall out and hit your foot.

16) "We interrupt this broadcast for...": Right when the TV show is getting good and is at a crucial moment this message inevidably comes on. Usually it's because George W. Bush has something profound to announce.

I will add more as I think of them. It sure feels good venting though....