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Monday, November 19, 2012

DENVER 7TH WARD PILOTS YOUNG MEN IN MEDIOCRITY

Logo for the new Church progam

DENVER, CO—Seeking to realistically highlight LDS adolescent
male accomplishments, the Denver 7th Ward held its first Young Men
in Mediocrity celebration. Ward Young
Men president Calvin York was reportedly pleased by both the turnout and the
response to this pilot. York reported
that “we had at least 35% of the young men there, and a lot of them hardly
texted at all during the program.”

Bishop Collins was also pleased with the results. “The young men didn’t really react, but I’m
sure that they were excited,” said Collins, “when we explained how time-wasting
and mind-numbing video games would become part of the Church’s new Call of Duty
to God: White Ops program.” Collins
explained that “Xbox pretty much drains them of any ambition or genuine sense
of adventure, but at least this way we recognize the mediocrity and channel some of it back to the gospel.”

Measuring the reaction of the young men has proven a more
difficult task, as most showed little variation from the accustomed grunting
and glassy-eyed stares. The only slight
alteration came with the refreshments that capped off the event. The priest quorum had been in charge of those
refreshments, but apparently “Brandon forgot to bring the Oreos.” Sandy Collins, wife of Bishop Collins,
provided flat soda for the young men, soda that was reportedly rather lukewarm,
which is to say neither hot nor cold, and which many found so distasteful that
they spewed it out.