Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Media circus descends on LeRoy

Information is slowly coming out of the Genessee County town of LeRoy. The only thing certain so far is that Erin Brockovich has probably undergone breast implant surgery...

School officials in the Genessee County town of LeRoy are not big fans of the environmentalist/celebrity Erin Brockovich. Brockovich and her band of scientists broke onto school grounds, with cameras in hand this week to test the soil for contaminants. The district was forced to call local law enforcement to keep the talking heads off school property."It is appalling that whatever group or entity employing [Brockovich's workers], as well as the media outlets participating in this effort, chose to conduct themselves in this way -- which can only be characterized as grandstanding," Cox said.

Brockovich points to a plume, or underground lake, from a 1970 toxic railway spill, which she claims is lying directly underneath the school. The derailment involved a spill of cyanide crystals and carbon tetrachloride...

She contended that a plume from the 1970 toxic railway spill had spread to within "close proximity" of the school. She noted that the school had been built on a swamp and that there were gas-extraction installations under the school's ball field.

In a statement to the media Saturday, Bowcock said: "The people of Le Roy need to know they have the largest TCE plume in the eastern United States under their community, and the government has given them lip service for 40 years, telling them, 'We've cleaned it up. We've cleaned it up. We've looked at this. We've done that,' and, frankly, I'm here to tell you they haven't done a darn thing," Bowcock said, referring to the chemical spill.

LeRoy Superintendent Kim Cox disputes this claim, saying Bowcock is full of crap. The plume, according to her, had actually moved in the opposite direction, directly underneath a farm on the other side of town, the birthplace, coincidentally, of several two headed calves...

"There are also some who are attempting to marry the 1970 derailment to the school, when in fact the plume has been shown as moving in the opposite direction some three miles away," she said.

I don't think anyone really knows what is going on here. If I were a betting man, I would guess the whole strep infection thing has something to do with it. In any event, School Superintendent Kim Cox and Erin Brockovich are planning a celebrity boxing match for tomorrow night in the school gym at 7PM.

Mother do you think they'll drop the bomb? Mother do you think they'll like this song? Mother do you think they'll try to break my balls?Mother should I build the wall?Mother should I run for president?Mother should I trust the government?Mother will they put me in the firing line?Mother am I really dying?

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