Matt Gaetz Has A Super Creepy Fetish For Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

Matt Gaetz is an asshole. Before you protest that I'm unfair, just consider the fact that the Florida congressman managed to be the ONLY no vote against a human trafficking bill, because "mission creep." Ironically, Matt is known for his own creep missions where he does anything he possibly can, including shameless political prostitution or straight up lying, just to get his name out there and get noticed. He brings Faux-Nazis to the State of the Union Address, because they happened to stop by one day. Why would a Congressman bring his own Nazi when we already had a hard breathing, snorting, orange-faced Nazi yelling at us from the podium. Why subject us to two Nazis? Cause Matt ain't shit. That's why.

But lately his hotcatshit approach to coalition building, or dating, or whatever he thought he was doing when he sent out a Jerry Madison inspired tweet to Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, flies straight past the border of ridiculous and into the realm of the absurd. Because not only is Matt a right wing shithead who she would never be into; he is a right wing shit head who is a borderline stalker when it come to AOC.

Shut up Matt Gaetz. She's never going to date you.

Let's talk about Matt Gaetz.

Matt Gaetz has a "little" crush on Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (who may not even recall who he is) and he needs to get the hell over it, like, now. Note, if you will, the fact that I didn't say "let's talk about Matt Gaetz and AOC," I brought him up by himself, I didn't say their names in tandem because there is no such thing as "Matt and Alexandria." There is just biscuit-face Matt all out there by his lonesome, struggling and begging desperately for Cortez to toss him a few crumbs of ATTENTION. The worst part is this; Gaetz, the boyfriend she never asked for or needed, has been up her ass since the night she won her primary she never even entered. It's been going on for MONTHS.

I find it pathetic. Not because of who he is, but because it's just pathetic to continue making rhetorical love to a woman who has you on mute, has someone to share her life with, and also ... if she was interested AT ALL, she might have taken him up on one of the 147,000 offers to "work together" on weed legislation. The constant pressure? It's creepy af, and over time it begins to take on a sinister vibe. The woman hasn't replied the whole time; for months she has likely been hoping he would get over it, while also probably hoping she'd never be stuck alone in a room with him.

And, at roughly the same time, a stream of articles magically materialized in multiple D.C. media outlets in which Gaetz cynically tried to co-opt her rise. He's repeatedly referred to himself as the "conservative AOC," despite sharing neither her beliefs nor her qualities. The nickname has not stuck — his ideas are generally unpopular with anyone not over age 50 — but that has not stopped Gaetz from basically begging AOC to work with him in multiple articles. He says they agree on a single issue, marijuana legalization, and wants to work with her to reform America's pot laws. He has said as much to Politico, the Daily Caller, and perhaps most bizarrely, TMZ.

The Conservative AOC? Dude, really? You are not her sidekick, friend, soul mate, good close work friend, phone buddy, pen pal, or car pool colleague. I get that she's gotten famous very swiftly, and I do recognize that she is a lovely young woman, but ... leave women alone. Just leave us alone. If you've asked to hang out with us or collaborate and we denied you that opportunity? We don't want to. Just no.

After months of giving Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez an excessive number of weird ass offers to "collaborate" it is nice to see Matt finally being called out because of his creepy weirdness.

But these differences have not stopped Gaetz from making a stream of exceedingly weird and gross comments about "AOC" over the last few months. Said quotes include repeated statements that he finds her "attractive." He's called her "adorable." And in a reference to the dating app Tinder, he even creepily told TMZ this month that he'd "swipe right" on the idea of working across the aisle with her.

Okay, first of all, "Yuck." I would hate to have that paste eater acting like Pepe le Pew and chasing me around the city just to tell me how adorable I am. Not for my own wellbeing, but I'd hate to have to punch another dude in the dick-throat. On the exceedingly slim chance she doesn't already know how, I'll teach AOC to dick-throat-punch for free.

His unsolicited thirst is extremely weird. In his repeated interviews about AOC, he condescendingly calls her ideas dumb and "dangerous for the country." He also says she is good-looking and begs her to work with him. And he's made similar statements in various media outlets despite the fact she has not publicly replied to any of his advances.

Thirsty is an understatement, but, yeah, I see your point.

Laura Bassett of the Huffington Post believes these attempts objectify Ocasio-Cortez, and judging her based on attractiveness is done to sexualize her and strip her of her legitimacy as a legislator and diminish her agency. I agree. The GOP hates women.

"The moment at which you turn someone into a sex object, you put yourself in a position of authority over them, which is why sexual harassment is classified as being a form of gender discrimination in the workplace," [gender and politics professor Caroline] Heldman said. "They are the object who exists for you, and you are validating their worth."

Seriously, the constant bombardment that women, especially young and attractive women, face in the workplace, and out on the streets is insane. It is in no way unusual for a woman to find herself suffering the unwanted attentions of some bobble-headed nepotism case who will not leave her alone, or won't stop publicizing his feelings in an attempt to get a reaction. Some men just cannot handle a woman being too free, too fierce, too bold, or too bodacious while IGNORING THEM. (Which is what she's doing, MATT.) Ignoring assholes makes their dicks fall off, because ignoring men is misandry and misandry always punches men in the dick-throat super fucking hard.

FollowWonderbitch aka Bravenak aka Bianca DeLaRosa, loves her jobs as Social Media Manager for Wonkette more than Sarah Huckabee Sanders loves lying to America. Bianca also moonlights as a Witch (THE BAD KIND!!) and is a Freelance Goddess of All Things Ever. Be very nice her because she likes to curse people, especially mean people. You can find Bianca on Twitter @bravewriting or email her at bianca@wonkette.com

You guys, hi, hello, it is almost the holiday weekend, so we are going to share you a real video posted last night by "Doctor" Sebastian "Don't Call Me A Nazi" Gorka, that hilarious old knucklecuck. We guess now that he had to give up (or gave up voluntarily!) his Fox News contract, he just makes videos for the Twitter. Hoo ... ray?

Anyway, Gorka is super-excited that Donald Trump issued that order last night, giving Bill Barr all kinds of new powers to expose the Deep State for what it is and PROVE once and for all that the gremlins who live inside Trump's diarrhea are correct when they say Hillary ordered the Deep State to do an illegal witch hunt to Trump, yadda yadda yadda, you've seen these people huff paint before, we don't have to type it all.

Here is the video, after which Wonkette will either transcribe it OR we will provide our own dramatic interpretation. Which one will it be? We don't know! Would you be able to tell the difference between the two? We don't know!

We want to say right here at the outset that we hate Julian Assange. Aside from the sexual assault allegations against him, and aside from the fact that he's just a generally stinky and loathsome person who reportedly smeared poop on the walls at the Ecuadorian embassy in London, while reportedly not taking care of his cat, an innocent creature, he acted as Russia's handmaiden during the 2016 election, in order to further Russia's campaign to steal it for Donald Trump. All signs point to his campaign being a success!

So we are justifiably happy when bad things happen to Julian Assange. We are happy his name is shit the world over, and that any reputation WikiLeaks used to have for being on the side of freedom and transparency has been stuffed down the toilet where it belongs. We are happy he looked like such a sad-ass loser when the Ecuadorian embassy finally kicked him out and he was arrested.

And quite frankly, we were OK with the initial charge against him recently unsealed in the Eastern District of Virginia. If you'll remember, he was charged with trying to help Chelsea Manning hack a password into the Defense Department, which is not what journalists do. Journalists do not drive the get-away car for sources. Journalists do not hold their sources' hair back while they're stealing classified intel. Assange is essentially accused of doing all that.

Now, put all that aside. Because -- and this is key -- journalists do publish secrets they are provided by sources. That's First Amendment, chapter and verse, American as fucking apple pie and fast-food-induced diabetes. And that is what much of the superseding indictment of Assange unsealed yesterday was about. (And nope, it wasn't about anything regarding Assange's ratfucking the 2016 election or Hillary's emails. Why would the Trump Justice Department prosecute anything about that? It's all about the older Chelsea Manning stuff, the stuff the Obama Justice Department considered charging Assange with, but ultimately declined, because of that little thing called the First Amendment.)