Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Horrible News

I think my wife is suicidal. Sure, sure there have always been signs like how she is always napping, the way she drives, and not taking medicine regularly, but this is serious! Once I armed her with the medical findings of the amazing Dr. Oz (Oprah's Doc) she has not altered her life one iota! Not a smiggen. Not even a little bit.

And I am the loving husband who cares for her welfare, so I follow her from room to room both at home and at work literally BEGGING her to "buck up" and embrace life and LIVE! But her mood never alters, her behavior never changes and day by day I see her slipping away.

What's worse... she's taking me with her! I mean sure I could find alternate forms of health care on the internet (so I assume) but doing that (and talking about it) would be WRONG! So here I sit (with BOTH hands on the keyboard) while Mrs. Cris is in the other room slipping into her nap of depression and life get just a little bit shorter, a little more bleak and a lot more blah.

And according to Oprah's doctor all she has to do it have sex 200 times. He wasn't even specific if it had to be spread out over the year or all at once. Naturally, given my personal limitations, I would prefer it be spread out over say... a 430 day year. But damn it I am a trooper and her health means everything to me, so I am willing to sacrifice for her well being. All I ask is a bit of the same.

No comments:

Redneck Diva Says:

"And for what it's worth...I think you're funny and even though you didn't ask, I wouldn't have your baby out of wedlock."

Author's Note:

Please Note the Web Address is Opprobrius, which is missing the final O in the spelling. This was a conservation decision made by the crack Opprobrious team who felt it was unfair to make people type any more than necessary. It was not an accidental mispelling that would require a whole new blog to be created. That would imply laziness and a slothful demeanor as well as a eh.. STAFF that could work all day on a project and still get the title wrong. Therfore, it was a carefully calculated and designed conservation decision. And of course the thought of leaving the web address misspelled strikes us as.... Opprobrious.

Opprobrious Advertising

Kurt Vonygutt says:

You know that old parable about the tree falling in the woods when nobody is around to hear.. so maybe it never actually makes a sound? I mean... you know... think about it! The same thing applies to this blog that nobody ever reads!