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I started the BTD back in 1997 when I was sicker than a dog and doctors were telling me it was all in my head. One doctor actually was sending me to a psychiatrist. ::) (sigh) A friend of mine took me to a health food store and I spent 2 hours with the lady who owns the store. She was telling me about the BTD. At that time I had all ready had 2 miscarriages. I knew something wasn't right for me not to be able to carry my pregnancies through. I had faith that being on the BTD was going to help me to heal and be able to conceive and carry the baby to full term.Well, 9 years later from when I started the BTD, I conceived one more time. I bought the book Eat Right for Your Baby right away. I worked hard for nine months to make sure I had the health to carry my baby to full term and deliver a healthy baby. January 29, 2006 was my due date and I went over 10 days. February 8 came and my baby died during the early labor. I was dumbfounded! I had to have an emergency hysterictamy right away for I very nearly passed away myself. During the first few weeks after loosing my son, Joel Thomas, I had a hard time eating, but when I did I tried to stay true to the BTD. I felt that it was no use being on the the BTD many a time after this tragedy. I wasn't eating the vegetables and fruits and I stopped drinking water. I was so depressed. :'( What is the purpose in living if your baby that you long for for so many years dies and then the hope of ever conceiving is gone? In the last couple of weeks I have been writing in the forums about the rice and depression, I read about the importance of drinking water. Well now I have the full blown flu. I haven't had the flu since before I started on the BTD. My body was craving grapefruit, tofu, and green tea....interesting, these are the foods that are highly benificial for A's. Well, yesterday, when my flu was at it's peak and I had a fever of 102.2 I finally got a peace in my heart that I have a new purpose in life, which really isn't new. Being that I lost my baby and the dream of nurturing him, I felt I lost a purpose in life. My "new" purpose is to care for myself, just like I did the first few years when I started the BTD. It had to take getting sicker than a dog again to show me what my purpose in life is. Grieving over the loss of Joel has been the hardest thing in my entire life. God has been my strength to get through the grieving and He's allowed this flu to hit to get me to see I must needs take care of myself. So now I have the Bible and the BTD books at hands reach to get on with life. It does pay to eat what your body needs to survive any crisis in your life.

Posted by: Susana, Wednesday, March 14, 2007, 12:00pm; Reply: 1

How beautiful to see your positive attitude. Your son Joel is probably watching with a big smile on his face.

There is a thread that has just started on mind/body. You may want to take a look at the site posted.

And, rely on God. He will help you along the way brilliantly

Blessings and my best wishes on your recovery.

:K)

Posted by: Vicki, Wednesday, March 14, 2007, 12:50pm; Reply: 2

{{{{{{{{{{{Cathy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Posted by: Debra+, Wednesday, March 14, 2007, 1:26pm; Reply: 3

Cathy-I am so sorry for your loss. Just know that we are here for you. ((((Big Hug))))

:'( I'm so sorry for your loss, Cathy. There are no words, but I'm glad that you have realized that you are meant to take care of yourself, even through this time of grief when that is probably the last thing that comes naturally.

It is so hard to make sense of things that seem to make no sense. I lost my beloved 20-year-old cat (who I had since he was a ten-week-old kitten and who was my baby, truly) in an awful way in 2005 and it shook my faith to the core. Not the fact that he died, because I feel I was prepared for him to go at some point in the near future given his age and kidney situation, but it was the way that he was taken. Why would God take him in that way? I was expecting him to go and go fairly soon but why would God take the most loving, trusting soul I ever knew in such a violent, ridiculous way, and make the last night and morning of his life so fraught with pain, confusion, anxiety, fear, and worry (over me)? This literally shook my faith to the core because it brought up the age-old question of do things just happen randomly or is there a reason for everything? I felt that if it was the former, if things just happen that randomly and coldly then I want nothing to do with this God-forsaken (literally) universe. I was furious at God, if he even existed, which I was questioning, for taking Ollie in such a needlessly awful way. I felt why couldn't it have been me that the car backed over and crushed? I would so gladly have turned back the hands of the clock and volunteered to be in his place. I still would in a heartbeat. Even though he only had a short time left on earth anyway, I would have done anything--literally anything--to spare him being taken in the way he was taken.

As awful as that was, time has helped somewhat (although just writing about it now I'm sitting here fighting back tears and getting all worked up, but, hey, that is still better than right after it happened, when I would instead have been openly weeping in my cubicle at work, as I did many times).

I'm saying that death and the way loved ones die sometimes makes no sense to us. But in the end, I personally need to believe that everything happens for a reason. I don't know why I need to believe this so very much, but if I thought that everything was random, I would either go crazy or not want to be here or be so furious at God or the cosmos or WHATEVER that I wouldn't be able to take it. But I have to believe instead that there is a reason for everything, even if we don't understand, even if it seems like something happened in the worst, most needless, ridiculous way possible. Even if it seems like someone was taken way, way too young. No matter what the specific thing that makes no sense to us about someone's death is, I have to believe there is a reason for it. So all we can do is to go on, as you have chosen bravely and wisely to do. Go on and take care of yourself and spread as much love in the world as you can in the time you have here. That is really the best thing we can do. When nothing makes sense and nothing seems right, the only thing we have is love. Because when we go forth and spread love, we are doing something good and important and that is the one thing that does make sense.

Cathy,I'm so sorry to hear about your very painful loss. How devastating. Just take things day by day, allow yourself to grieve and nourish yourself both physically and spiritiually. You have a lot of support here from a lot of people that really care.(((((HUGS)))))Jane

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Wednesday, March 14, 2007, 4:16pm; Reply: 6

Quoted from Jane

Cathy,I'm so sorry to hear about your very painful loss. How devastating. Just take things day by day, allow yourself to grieve and nourish yourself both physically and spiritiually. You have a lot of support here from a lot of people that really care.(((((HUGS)))))Jane

I feel as though I am at ground zero, looking over the devastation! I don't know where to begin in life, I lost all sence of direction, where am I to go now? I can only take one day at a time for I am not promised tomorrow. I know what you are saying Peppermint Twist about your faith being shaken to the core! My faith in a lot of things were shaken...my faith in God, and in the BTD. The two things that I had the most faith in where shaken. God has proven to me that He is real and that he has accepted my work, literally. The doctor had said that Joel was covered with miconeum and therefore he died of toxins, boy, talk about a slap in the face, being I made sure I gave Joel a perfect environment. Then the doctor asked if I was a vegetarian, my husband said yes, he then went on to say that is the reason I was so animic, I didn't buy that either being I just lost 2 units of blood. A couple of weeks later I had my iron count tested and it was up to normal, without eating red meat. I look at my life right now like the plot of land I have set for my garden at this time of year....the garden is empty and clear of any plants, ready for new seeds and new life to begin. I may still have questions concerning my health, diet, and death but I know the answers will come in due time....when I can handle them.Thank you all for the hugs and concerns....I have been to afraid to open up and share my heart (must be a type A thing)... I tend to try to figure things out myself...but right now I need help to get myself back on track health wise.

Opening up must surely be a step in the healing process....thank you for taking that step and trusting us with your vulnerable feelings. I like the garden metaphor...it sounds very intuitive....blessings to you, and keep us posted. We will keep you in our hearts.

Posted by: Victoria, Wednesday, March 14, 2007, 7:44pm; Reply: 9

Thank you for sharing with us, Cathy. Another good reason to live to share oneself with others. We never know when we will help another person to make it through their own personal suffering by sharing our own with them. We're all in this together, and there is no one who has not felt the pain and despair of the things that life can throw our way.

Cathy, please give yourself time to grieve your loss. The loss of a child is the deepest and most long lasting sorrow known to humanity. I lost my son over 3 years ago and there still are days when I grieve for him. God gave us tears for a reason! And He tells us in His word that He will never forsake us, so hold fast to that promise. Don't let anyone tell you about "closure" because closure is a myth. Closure is for bank accounts :-). Your life is forever changed but as the years go by your heart will ache in gentler ways. Take care of yourself and don't let anyone push you faster than you can heal...

Posted by: Kristin, Wednesday, March 14, 2007, 8:07pm; Reply: 11

Oh Cathy... my heart goes out to you. You are facing your loss and healing with such courage!! Thank you so much for sharing with us...

Posted by: Kristin, Wednesday, March 14, 2007, 8:18pm; Reply: 12

Quoted from Cathy

The doctor had said that Joel was covered with miconeum and therefore he died of toxins, boy, talk about a slap in the face, being I made sure I gave Joel a perfect environment.

And if it helps in your healing at all.... I question the accuracy of your doctor's assertion that Joel died from the toxins in meconium. Babies are born all the time covered in meconium... and care has to be taken that they do not aspirate it. The presence of meconium generally indicates distress of some kind, but not always. I could be wrong but I have never heard of it being a cause of death during labor....

Posted by: Alia Vo, Wednesday, March 14, 2007, 9:23pm; Reply: 13

I am sorry to hear about your loss, Cathy.

You have a wonderful tool by utilzing the BTD lifestyle, as well as, this forum to assist you in returning to a state of good health.

I do feel forever changed, that's for sure. I don't look at myself as a mother, being I have no children to nurture. I feel set apart, never to be a part of the rest of the ladies around me as they share there diaper stories and I don't want to put a dampner on the joy they have of being blessed. So what do I do? Mari, how did you deal with your loss? I feel I have grieved so much that my amune system is down, so that's why I'm so sick now.I did get a job working at a nearby store last August. I cried every day while I started because I saw mommies with their little newborn babies. My heart cried when I saw a young man with his little boy, knowing my husband doesn't have a little son to chase and tickle. I do have to say, that when I started working there I was able to have a disciplined diet. I made sure I packed a huge salad so I could get through the grieving of the day. It worked. Now since Christmas my hours had been cut drastically. It wasn't until a couple of weeks ago that I started working two days a week. It is so hard to be by myself during the day, to much time to think.I would be interested in knowing if Dr. D' Adamo has any articles or a book on dealing with death and staying on the BTD. I feel so weak and sick emotionally and physically.

Posted by: sluggerbean, Thursday, March 15, 2007, 3:04am; Reply: 15

Cathy,

My heart goes out to you. ((((((HUGS)))))) I will be praying for you.

Peggy

Posted by: ABJoe, Thursday, March 15, 2007, 4:54am; Reply: 16

Quoted from Cathy

I do feel forever changed, that's for sure. I don't look at myself as a mother, being I have no children to nurture. I feel set apart, never to be a part of the rest of the ladies around me as they share there diaper stories and I don't want to put a dampner on the joy they have of being blessed. So what do I do? Alia, how did you deal with your loss? I feel I have grieved so much that my amune system is down, so that's why I'm so sick now.I did get a job working at a nearby store last August. I cried every day while I started because I saw mommies with their little newborn babies. My heart cried when I saw a young man with his little boy, knowing my husband doesn't have a little son to chase and tickle. I do have to say, that when I started working there I was able to have a disciplined diet. I made sure I packed a huge salad so I could get through the grieving of the day. It worked. Now since Christmas my hours had been cut drastically. It wasn't until a couple of weeks ago that I started working two days a week. It is so hard to be by myself during the day, to much time to think.I would be interested in knowing if Dr. D' Adamo has any articles or a book on dealing with death and staying on the BTD. I feel so weak and sick emotionally and physically.

Cathy, the Stress section in the encyclopedia may be very helpful for you to read. I feel it is the tip of the iceberg in your case, but it is a start.

In one way, I understand your motivation for not considering yourself a mother, but I think of you as a mother. You had a child for nine months. It died in childbirth which robbed you of the joys of life with it, but that doesn't make you less of a mother. In some regards, you have experienced more haertbreak than most mothers ever feel. Many mothers never lose a child. Who knows why the child died? We often don't really know why! We only understand that it hurts us so much to have the loss. In spite of all the pain, I believe that there is some greater reason that it is better that the baby didn't live longer.

You may be able to adopt or volunteer in some capacity that you can help children... My wife volunteers to work with children. She has done teaching at a private school and now volunteers with 4-H and public television. It is really a help to work with children to spread the goodness that you aren't able to give your own child. "Follow Me Boys" is a great old movie where a couple find out that they can't have children of their own, but by being boy scout troop leaders, they have 11 to 15 boys to help every year. It isn't the same as having your own, but it is a positive outlet for some of the emotional energy, etc...

I'm writing this last because I think it is the most important thought to leave you with. The BEST thing you can do for you right now is put on a Positive Attitude. "Success through a Positive Mental Attitude" is a wonderful book that helped me have the persistance to find the help I needed, but also to have an open mind when the opportunity knocked.

Cathy, so sorry for your loss. I hope you will eventually find the strength and wisdom to gently let go of the past peacefully and live life to its fullest in the present.

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Thursday, March 15, 2007, 11:51am; Reply: 18

Thanks, Peggy for your prayers, I appreciate then greatly! Thanks Abjoe for the encouragement.

Grieving takes a big toll on the body. It takes away the energy to do every day things...it takes away the appetite to eat nourishing foods...it takes away the power to think positive (at times). I have taken walks that were 10 miles long, I have made up several songs. I am in the process of getting a book printed, but it all takes energy that I just don't have because the grieving has taken it. On my walks I just bawl my eyes out. While I'm doing positive things I still hurt and cry. One evening last year I sat down and watched the sunset and I meditated on that,... sunset....negatives/positives.....you will always have negatives with your positives...you can't have a gorgous sunset without having some clouds...it is the negatives that make the positives so beautiful....like the sunsets. It's wonderful to meditate and think possitive but my physical energy is still pretty low. I have a hard time doing the laundry, washing dishes, cleaning house, caring for the dogs.....since Joel's death it has been overwhelming to me to eat the BTD...it's a struggle. It is so hard to think of what to fix when my mind is absorbed by grief.Yesterday I went outside in the warm sunshine, wrapped myself in a blanket and laid in the grass. I watched the flies buzz around, I watched the flowers bloom. I cuddled up with my camera and took pictures of my snow drops and winter akinite. That to me is as possitve as anything can get. I was then able to get a little more housework done and fix a good fish supper. After that I was totally exhausted.Grieving is the most stressful thing any human being will have to endure. I am shocked that I have lasted this long because I could not handle stress very well. When I found out I was pregnant I had great concerns that it would be to stressful for me expecially during labor and deliver. But death ....... it goes above and beyond the stress of delivering a live child. WOW! :o The problem I am having with the BTD is that during the pregnancy I could not eat vegetables for it made me nauseous. Well, here it is a year later and I still don't care to eat my salads. How can I break myself of that, and get back to enjoying and craving my salads like I used to? Am I to force myself to eat even when I don't feel like eating? And at that point what should I eat to build my energy up and maintain a possitive, peaceful, content spirit? These are the questions that are plagueing me right now.When I came to the conclusion this past week that my purpose in life is to take care of myself, I realized that having the house neat and tidy, was a positve to keep my spirits up, it should not be a chore, as I see it.

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Thursday, March 15, 2007, 12:00pm; Reply: 19

Quoted from accidental_chef

Cathy, so sorry for your loss. I hope you will eventually find the strength and wisdom to gently let go of the past peacefully and live life to its fullest in the present.

It is my goal to have happiness and peace from this grieving, it is a long process to get to that point. It's just getting through this muck and mire....that's what I'm dealing with.I look for the good in it all. I try to look for good even in the grieving.

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Thursday, March 15, 2007, 12:16pm; Reply: 20

Quoted from Kristin

And if it helps in your healing at all.... I question the accuracy of your doctor's assertion that Joel died from the toxins in meconium. Babies are born all the time covered in meconium... and care has to be taken that they do not aspirate it. The presence of meconium generally indicates distress of some kind, but not always. I could be wrong but I have never heard of it being a cause of death during labor....

I have had others tell me the same. I just think that God wanted to take Joel home to be with him instead of being in this world. I just have to rely on God's strength to live today, today. Thank you Kristin for your encouragement. It means a lot. :)

Thanks, Peggy for your prayers, I appreciate then greatly! Thanks Abjoe for the encouragement.

Grieving takes a big toll on the body. It takes away the energy to do every day things...it takes away the appetite to eat nourishing foods...it takes away the power to think positive (at times). I have taken walks that were 10 miles long, I have made up several songs. I am in the process of getting a book printed, but it all takes energy that I just don't have because the grieving has taken it. On my walks I just bawl my eyes out.

But, sweetie, all that bawling is also a good thing. While it is so true that grieving takes a toll on the body, can you imagine how much worse it would be if nature didn't come up with a way (namely grieving) for us to express all the pain we feel over someone's death? While the crying/grieving saps your energy, it also is very releasing, cleansing and healing. And there is no way to go through it except to go through it, so let all the feelings come and go as they will, washing over and through you like ocean waves, ebbing and flowing like the tide. Slowly but surely, it will get better...

:K)

P.S. I went to see a counselor over the event I touched on above. She gave me a wallet-sized card at the conclusion of our series of sessions, which was titled "A Mourner's Bill of Rights". One of the things it said was "I have a right to griefbursts." I thought: "'Griefbursts': what an apt way to describe them." I mean those times when you just find yourself weeping, sobbing uncontrollably, often in the most inconvenient of places, at the most inappropriate of times. For someone like me who happens to be a control freak, this was very disconcerting. However, I came to really appreciate those "griefbursts" because without them, I don't think I could have possibly gotten through things to the point I am now.

What I'm saying is, just let it all come. It's good, it's healthy, it's part of the healing.

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Thursday, March 15, 2007, 2:32pm; Reply: 22

Quoted from ABJoe

Cathy, the Stress section in the encyclopedia may be very helpful for you to read. I feel it is the tip of the iceberg in your case, but it is a start.

How do I get to this encyclopedia?

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Thursday, March 15, 2007, 2:58pm; Reply: 23

Quoted from Edna

But, sweetie, all that bawling is also a good thing. While it is so true that grieving takes a toll on the body, can you imagine how much worse it would be if nature didn't come up with a way (namely grieving) for us to express all the pain we feel over someone's death? While the crying/grieving saps your energy, it also is very releasing, cleansing and healing. And there is no way to go through it except to go through it, so let all the feelings come and go as they will, washing over and through you like ocean waves, ebbing and flowing like the tide. Slowly but surely, it will get better...

:K)

P.S. I went to see a counselor over the event I touched on above. She gave me a wallet-sized card at the conclusion of our series of sessions, which was titled "A Mourner's Bill of Rights". One of the things it said was "I have a right to griefbursts." I thought: "'Griefbursts': what an apt way to describe them." I mean those times when you just find yourself weeping, sobbing uncontrollably, often in the most inconvenient of places, at the most inappropriate of times. For someone like me who happens to be a control freak, this was very disconcerting. However, I came to really appreciate those "griefbursts" because without them, I don't think I could have possibly gotten through things to the point I am now.

What I'm saying is, just let it all come. It's good, it's healthy, it's part of the healing.

I guess I am being impatient with myself because I want it to be done with...I want the pain overwith. I think I am pushing myself to put a stop to this grieving...but I see VERY clearly I have no power over that. I understand what you are saying about it coming in like the ocean, the tides....it can be rythmic and beautiful....somehow I have to see that the rythme of this grieving, weeks of doing great, and then weeks where I don't know which way to turn is somehow beautiful. How is it beautiful to experience pain, sorrow, and emptiness...except that one day I will be forever joined with my children again. The hope of being with my kids again is a salve to my achey soul but sometimes it doesn't help the empty arm syndrome. For that, when I get up enough courage, I go to my church's nursery and ask if I could hold a baby....it helps greatly! Oh how satisfying it is....even though that is not my baby.I like what ABJoe said about plugging into other children....when I started working at Brown's Orchards and Farm Market back in the fall, they were having fieldtrips for the kindergarten classes. Well, I discovered one girl I knew from my Sunday School class. I think I made her day as much as she made mine when I made myself known to her. She came running to me and gave me the biggest hug! Boy, wasn't that medicine to the soul?

Posted by: Mari, Thursday, March 15, 2007, 5:53pm; Reply: 24

In reply to your question as to how I deal with my loss, the answer is a day at a time at first. You are only a year from your loss; give yourself time to heal. Peppermint Twist is so right when she says "you must let the feelings come and go as they will, washing over and through you like ocean waves, ebbing and flowing like the tide". I think you are doing very well if you have had the courage to hold a baby at your church nursery. I found keeping busy at work, reading (and sometimes crying my eyes out while reading- tears are very cleansing), and talking it out with friends or siblings all helped. And as you mentioned in your first post, God is there to give you strength. He will never forsake you! There is a group called The Compassionate Friends who have chapters in most every state. They are parents who have lost a child of any age who meet monthly to help each other. I haven't been to their meetings but I do get their newsletter and it has helped to read about others who have lost a child and how they have coped.

I hope these few suggestions will help you. Just remember it takes time. Try to eat healthy and get enough rest.

Dear Cathy,I am so sorry for your loss. Please try to be good to yourself and breathe, just take it one day at a time. My very best friend just lost her little brother last year and after he died it really helped her to talk to him, to picture him with her, maybe that will help you. Don't feel like you have to get back into the swing of things right away, just take as long as you need. I don't know what your beliefs are about the after-life, but I am a strong believer in reincarnation. I believe he'll be right there with you until you have made peace, however long that takes, and then he'll go into a new, full life. Of course, that's just what I believe. Hopefully it's helpful.

HugsLyrica

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Friday, March 16, 2007, 11:39am; Reply: 28

Thanks Lyrica for your words of encouragement. I take it to heart.

When I think of Joel with me I ache even the more and it sends me into a deeper depression. I believe Joel's soul is happy and full of freedom in heaven with God right now and he is waiting for me to come to him. I long for the day to be reunited with him and be his mommy, then. That comforts me spiritually. Thank you for sharing with me your heart.

Yesterday the midwife I had to help me at the latter part of the pregnancy came over and we talked about the sudden death of Joel. He had shown no sign of distress during the labor so it truly was a unexpected death. She believes the placenta detached during the last contraction which makes sence to me. I finally had peace to know what physical thing happened. Of course, how are we going to fully know, but we are only going on this speculation.

I am healing from this flu. still have some coughing and sneezing. I still am in the mind set to set and stare out the window a bit....a good day to being it is storming now. I am doing better keeping to the BTD, I made a carrot salad yesterday that I mixed pineapple and raisin with. I've cut down my consumption of grain and breads, my husband took the last of my home baked bread for his lunch so I will need to bake tomorrow.

Posted by: ABJoe, Friday, March 16, 2007, 7:47pm; Reply: 29

Quoted from Cathy

How do I get to this encyclopedia?

I got mine from one of the sellers at Amazon.com... I think it only comes in paperback, so if you buy used, you want to make sure it is in good condition before purchasing...

One additional idea I had... You now have a helper in heaven. This can be great solace when you are asking for graces or even the basics for survival. I always find prayer the best way to deal with grief to help me focus on where I get everything for life.

Posted by: shells, Saturday, March 17, 2007, 7:50am; Reply: 30

Cathy,

I am very sorry for your loss. I'm also in admiration of your positive attitude. Like Peppermint Twist says just go with the ebb & flow of your feelings.

Some years ago I lost a little daughter at the young age of 3 months. I was devastated and truly believed I could never experience joy ever again. Part of me died with her...... but over time day by day week by week strength will sneak back in - with an attitude like yours towards being positive and with of course the BTD - strength will be both emotional and physical. You may only see this looking back on reflection.

During my grieving I never had the BTD and did not pay any attention to diet and later suffered many years of ill health. I later found out the importance of the emotions linked with physical wellbeing.

I wish you the best with your new purpose of healing yourself, and as was said before we are in this journey together. . .

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Saturday, March 17, 2007, 7:47pm; Reply: 31

Shells, my heart goes out to you for the loss of you your daughter, I know how you must of felt feeling a part of you died, .... it did. The ache is so real. Thank you, Shells for sharing, I see....we are in this journey together...

ABJoe, thanks for the thought, prayer is a powerful tool to live by...thank you for sharing and reminding me. The other day I was feeling so miserable I asked God for mercy. I started to feel some relief immediately! God is so real. I need to ask for His mercy also, along with His grace to get through the days that the bottom drops out. It is a comfort to me that my child Joel, along with my other two children are not experiencing the life I am...no tears, no pain, no sorrow and most of all, no sin! I have found that going through this grieving is like going through having this flu. With the flu I am weak and want to sleep, so, I'll go to sleep. I don't have to do anything if I don't have the energy to do it. Grieving has been the same...there are times I feel the energy to do, other times I am just to weak. But yet I know life must go on. So many times I think I have to be something great, do something big, so, when Joel came along I thought this is it, I can be a mom, that's something big! Well, I may be a mom but I'm not caring for my children....the dream of doing something big and being somebody died. I realize that that's not what is in store for my life. I will find out later. ;)

Yesterday I made a tossed salad for my supper, I had to force it down me...(again) I ended up having my husband finish it for me. (It must be the salad dressing.) I am actually getting back to craving the breads and grains like I did before I came down with the flu. Should I give in to the cravings, or should I keep forcing the vegies down?

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Monday, March 19, 2007, 8:26pm; Reply: 32

The depresion is to strong for me today...I have felt distructive...wanting to break the dishes....I may seek professional help. :'(

Posted by: Debra+, Monday, March 19, 2007, 10:22pm; Reply: 33

Cathy...so sorry you are feeling the way you are. If you feel too overwhelmed by all of it...please do seek professional help. And...do try and stick with as much as BTD as you can...it will help you with everything in the long run. I realize the cold and flu are not helping which makes it more of a challenge. Can you get out for a walk or maybe do some yoga or meditation. You mentioned earlier getting just outside with a blanket wrapped around you or walks (with your dogs?) They can be great companions and love to listen to you. Are you getting enough of B12, B5 and Folic Acid? Are you on anti-depressants? Do you have a health store where you live? Pick up some elderberry tea or caps to help with your cold and flu. Looking through the encyclopeidia-some things to help with stress...chamomile tea, linden tea, holy basil, saint john's wort...are you getting enough vitamin C (preferably rose hip)? What supplements are you taking?

And yes...as Edna says crying is such a good form of releasing and healing. Try not to push yourself to be healed before you are ready to be healed. I know this is not the same, but when my mom passed away it took me three years to finally come to terms with it. We are all different and there is no time limit on when you should be over Joel. You will be ready on your time. :)

As I said earlier though...if you think you need professional help...please seek it.

Keep us all posted. We are here for you.

(((((((((((((Big hugs))))))))))))))))

Debra :)

P.S. You say you are eating salads...are you getting enough protein with it? Fish...beans...legumes...nuts...soy What about other veggies, etc.?

my friend found great help through a grieving group led by a minister of her faith (a rabbi), maybe you could find such a group. blessings.....

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Tuesday, March 20, 2007, 12:10am; Reply: 35

It has been so cold and snowy here of late. Hopefully it is to warm up slowly by the end of the week. At this moment I feel very panicky and I am trying to supress it. I am not on anti-depressants. A friend of mine is suggesting I use them...I really would love to stay away from drugs and fight it out but I feel so weak emotionally. I do not know if I am getting enough B12, B5, and folic acid. I made some quinia flour tortillias and had 2 for lunch and 2 for supper. Lunch I filled it with sardines, cheese and sprouts....supper I had tofu and and stirfry veggies with the tortillia. As of late I have been eating Tempeh...I was doing brewers yeast...should I get back to the brewers yeast? I usually do not eat protein with my salads...maybe if I did the salad wouldn't my upseting my stomach so much. I do not take any suppliments, my hubby always told me that I should be able to get every thing I need with the foods I eat. Well evidently I am missing something at this point. I am hoping to get the Encyclopedia this week....I need some really good advice to handle this stress. Here's a dumb question....why can't I be happy even when the tears flow? (Yea, Right!)

Jayney-O, I was thinking of calling my pastor's wife this morning....maybe I should of done that. There are a few couples that I know of that have lost their children. They are quite understanding when I say I want to die or that I just want to get on with life. I was told by a couple of the ones I know that I will never get over it.

Thanks for the hugs and the encouragement....

Posted by: Debra+, Tuesday, March 20, 2007, 3:38am; Reply: 36

Hi Cathy...snowy and cold here today also. Everything was starting to melt, but it looks like we are in for something.

Yes, I would say to adding protein to your salads. Sardines, salmon, eggs, nuts, beans, legumes. Brewer's/nutritional yeast sprinkled on the foods you eat also. Ideally yes, we should be getting enough with the foods we eat, but the way things are grown nowadays (mass production) you never know if the plants themselves are getting the right nourishment to give it back to us. Sometimes supplements are needed. Glad that you don't want to take drugs. Do you have a naturopath near you somewhere that could help out naturally?

I would give your pastor's wife a call also. You need to get some support from someone, somewhere, somehow.

Keep in touch.

((((((HUG))))))

Debra :)

Posted by: TypeOSecretor, Tuesday, March 20, 2007, 4:26am; Reply: 37

I am sorry for your loss. I will say a prayer for you.

Little by little you are making the effort to improve what you eat - so I'm sure you'll make it through this difficult time.

It seems to me that you are trying to express your anger over your loss, a normal part of the grieving process.

Maybe you could find some constructive ways to express your anger. Get some drawing paper, crayons, or markers and draw pictures of broken dishes or whatever comes to mind. Maybe grab some old magazines, and cut out pictures and paste them on paper that express how you feel.

I guess I am being impatient with myself because I want it to be done with...I want the pain overwith. I think I am pushing myself to put a stop to this grieving...but I see VERY clearly I have no power over that. I understand what you are saying about it coming in like the ocean, the tides....it can be rythmic and beautiful....somehow I have to see that the rythme of this grieving, weeks of doing great, and then weeks where I don't know which way to turn is somehow beautiful.

Sweetie, you have to remember that you just lost your baby in February.* This is only March. It was literally a few weeks ago. Not only is it an awful thing to have to grieve through, you are going through post-partum hormonal changes at the same time. Of course you feel like breaking a few dishes!

I am a big believer in my "Ocean School of Feeling Your Feelings". Namely, we do have to--not just with grief, but with any feelings in life--let the feelings flow in and out of us as they will. Don't try to control them either way: let them come when they come, let them flow out when they flow out. In other words, accept your feelings. Allow them to come. Allow them to go. Don't try to force them either way. Just let.

Easier said than done for this adult child of acoholics, btw. I went to years of ACOA meetings and the above paragraph is basically what I took away from them, which has been one of the most important lessons of my life. One that I am still continually learning.

About seeking professional help, I did so when Ollie died. Without going into too much detail, he had gotten out and laid down in the grass behind the garage. I didn't know he was there and I backed the car over him, crushing his pelvis. He was very old (20) and deaf, and I'm sure he never heard the car and was facing away from the garage, lying on his side as he loved to do the few times he got out there. Needless to say, I was devastated that I had been the one to cause him excruciating pain and everything that followed for that night and the following morning. I went ahead and used our EAP program (employee assistance program) at work and saw a psychologist for a few sessions. Not sure if it helped a lot but it sure didn't hurt. I think the main thing that helped was time and friends and that Ocean School of Feeling again. For once I really had no choice because I could not control when the "griefbursts" came, and it seems they were so often at work or driving down the street. But anyway, I took all the help I could get to try to even begin to get through what had happened. Ollie was my baby for 20 years. For 20 years, I loved him with all my heart and protected him. He was really, really special to me. He was really special, period, and I'm not just saying that because I'm biased: everyone who met Ollie was taken with him and charmed by this loving, loving being. He was an indoor cat for many, many years and only went out a tiny bit in the last few years. I would have done anything to protect him and I did for 20 years. But, in the end, I couldn't protect him. And, in fact, I was the one who caused him pain, fear, confusion, anxiety and God knows what else. I could not cope with that on my own. That I caused Ollie pain and suffering was the worst thing imaginable and totally unbearable to me. I had to get help.

You did not do anything to cause what happened to Joel. In fact, you did everything humanly possible to ensure a healthy pregnancy and birth. Sadly, it just didn't happen that way. And if you need help to cope with the death of a child, that is totally understandable, there is really nothing more challenging that can happen in life. Reach out for the help you need, and just let those feelings wash over and through you, try not to fear them. They are there for you, not to hurt you, but to help you heal.

* 3/21/07 - edited to add: I just realized it was February 2006, not just last month, that you lost your baby. But it is still totally normal that you are in the thick of it as far as grieving. The most intense phase of grief typically lasts for about two years.

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Tuesday, March 20, 2007, 2:39pm; Reply: 39

A friend of mine, the one that helped me get on the BTD is now helping me with getting to professional help. There is a place that practices medicinal herbs that she is now going to, so she is helping me get an appointment. I'm all for medicinal herbs. Today, I am doing better....I don't feel distructive, that's a relief, I am feeling just tired, not wanting to do things. The other day I was thinking of drawing what I am feeling....isolated....I was thinking of drawing a pasture with mare's and their foals and then there is an adjacent pasture with a mare with no foal, or any other horse in with her. I like your idea, TypeOsecretor, of drawing out the feelings....I do drawings, so that will fit in perfectly....hmmm, broken dishes......

When the wave of destructive depression rolls in, it is so overwhelming...it billows me under....I look forward for it to leave and I am then trying to get out of the way so I do not get overwhelmed by another wave.....maybe this is the wrong way of looking at it. I would like to prepare myself for it coming in, by way of eating right mostly, and whatever else, to strengthen the body to handle the emotionally blows. I am such a fighter that it is hard to just allow the bad to come in and overtake me.

I have done some counceling with the pastor of my church and his wife ....I am deffinately in need of more now. It helps to council with them to help me stick to the stuff. Getting council from the folks here on the BTD forum is helping me stick to the stuff in my diet, that is what I've been needing...Thank you!

Posted by: purlgirl, Wednesday, March 21, 2007, 6:31am; Reply: 40

{{{Cathy}}}

Posted by: geminisue, Wednesday, March 21, 2007, 9:53am; Reply: 41

It also helps to have people around on a daily basis, as often as possible, until your able to face on alone. I had a friend whose 22 year old son(father of one and one on the way) was walking at night and was run down by a driver who didn't see him. He was dress in a pair of blue genes and a brown buck skin jacket and black boots. He was found laying in a yard when someone went out to get newspaper. It took over a year of daily visits to start to see the light come on in her face again. She just had to keep doing what she had to do in everyday life, many visits at the cemetary ( probably most seen grave that year) the sad part about that was right next to that tombstone was one of her best friends son who was killed in a car accident and also had two children. The boys were friends. Both had a daughter, that spend alot of time with their grandma's, even to this day, they both had sons, who spend a lot of time with their own mothers. My prayers are with you during this time that is so difficult for you to endure, remember one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. Please try and keep family, friends close. Open your heart to new challenges, hobbies, exercise program, just try and keep going on to something new. Time heals, but doesn't forget. Love is with you.

Posted by: Debra+, Wednesday, March 21, 2007, 1:09pm; Reply: 42

Cathy~so glad you are feeling better today and things are moving positively for you for professional help...especially with natural ways. Keep us posted.

so glad you talked to your pastor's wife, and a group would be a great avenue to healing....blessings to you and your husband.

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Thursday, March 22, 2007, 1:40am; Reply: 44

Thank you Jayney for your kind words....they are a blessing....Thank you geminisue, for your encouragement and words of wisdom....I agree, I need to be with other people and get out of the house a lot more than I have been doing to help me handle this depression. I do have an appointment in April to see this one professional who does the healing herbs....there's my hope.Today I was feeling quite worn out and sleepy. I am so thankful that I have my appetite back and I was able to eat well today. I see hope! :) Friends are calling me and checking in on me and that is a big encouragement to me that I'm not alone in this even though many , many times I feel as though I am. I think I had a come back with the flu this week....or else I just didn't get over having it.

Thank you all for your prayers. This depression is bigger than what I can handle with excercise and diet.

Posted by: zola, Thursday, March 22, 2007, 1:54am; Reply: 45

Oh DEAR Cathy...I wish the great spirit would sweep you up take you into it's loving arms and bring you to the place of peace. I feel for you and your wrenching grief and how you longed to nurture Joel Thomas. Try to bring that same kind, loving presence to your soul as you make your way through this depression.

Be gentle with yourself...you have been through so much. Be around people who care for you & try to stay connected. We really are connected here on this earth -easy as that is to forget. Lean on the community here on this board. There is a lot of love here. Blessings.....Zola

Posted by: sluggerbean, Thursday, March 22, 2007, 1:55am; Reply: 46

Cathy, I know that God led me to your story now for a reason. Last week a young couple at our church lost their baby girl. The mom had been in the hospital for the past two months on bed rest and on Sunday the 11th delivered the little girl. Just a few hours later, the girl died of complications. This hit me really hard as the 11th was the one-year anniversary of my daddy's death.

I really want to help this beautiful young lady. I plan on taking her out to the high school track next week to walk. Any advice on what to say when I talk to her or how to approach her?

Maybe helping me with this will somehow help you with your grief.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

Peggy

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Thursday, March 22, 2007, 12:56pm; Reply: 47

Zola, thank you so much for your blessing and love you have shared....I have deffinitely felt the support here on the forum.

Peggy, Oh how my heart goes out to you and your friend...losing a loved one no matter how old they are and how long you've known them is so hard to handle. Yes, I am struggling with depression but that has not altered my faith in God. I of course, humanly questioned the reasoning of the trauma but I know God is in charge of everything that happens here on earth. Through the questioning, God has answered...don't be afraid to ask him why, what am I to do now? That is showing that you are depending on him for answers and comfort.

Advice for comforting a mom who lost a precious lil' one? Let her carry the conversation at her speed. Listen to her heart, allow her to ask "unanswerable" questions. Talk about yourself, what's up with your life, most of all love her because God loves her. I highly commend you, Peggy, for including her in your life, she needs that right now...if she doesn't get love from friends she will feel shunned and isolated. If you want, share with her my story and let her know I am praying for her during this traumatic time of her life. It will be hard to get through it but God will give grace to get her through it.

Thank you Peggy! Yes, you have helped me today! I can go on. I will be thinking of you and praying for God to strengthen you also.

Posted by: 414 (Guest), Thursday, March 22, 2007, 11:11pm; Reply: 48

sweetie, my heart goes out to you. I had 3 miscarriages for that very much longed for baby. grief kind of gets you.

but one the things I found out was that somehow in it all & after I had clung & hung on to the pain because that was all I had left of my precious babies. I found the strength in God to find out who I really really was. I finally got to the stage where I could find & consider what had happened as a gift.. it teaches humility in a new way- Im a new woman now strong & confident in the person I have become becuse of the experiences I have had. I could never have learned that without losing my babies - & still wish that this pain doesnt occur, I wouldnt want anyone to go through it as Im sure you wouldnt either. but I know it does happen, not to punish us but to make us grow.

I kinda know how you feel, kinda lost.

Im praying for you too, that there will be an empowerment of your spirit so that you can fulfill the destiny that God has planned for you - which if you think about it is way more more important than the plans we make for ourselves- hard as that it is, I think true spiritual maturity is allowing God to do what it is he wants with our lives & finding a way to be comfortable with it because he sees the bigger picture.- if we can get to that place, we can know with full assurance that we have reached a higher plane of understanding - we will be whole.

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Friday, March 23, 2007, 12:24pm; Reply: 49

Rachel, thank you for sharing your story with me....this depression that comes in waves makes me think I'm loosing it. But talking to you folks and others I'm seeing it is a normal process. Many times I think I am being punished...what have I done?? But like you said, Rachel, it is time for me to grow...it has been a time of soul searching for me,...who am I, what am I to be doing with my life, and such questions.

I was just reading the other threads, mainly the moral support and adrenal fatigue, of how wheat and dairy can affect the adrenal glands. Yesterday I had a great day, I did a lot of activety, my friend came over and we cleaned my basement up beings I had my new washer and dryer delivered yesterday....so much was going on. I even made the spelt sandwhich bread yesterday and the no tomato spagetti sauce and made my own spagetti using a blend of rice, tapioca and spelt flours. This morning I had a hard time waking up and I feel very lathargic. I was grieving in the night in my dreams....the bottom dropped out and I bauled my eyes out in the dream just because I saw a doll baby the size of an infant laying in my bed. I'm thinking it is because I did to much activity and I ate to much breads (with the home made bread and pasta.) I did cook up turkey burger for my spagetti dinner. I am seeing that what I am eating is adding to my depressed state.

Posted by: Jane, Friday, March 23, 2007, 5:49pm; Reply: 50

Cathy,There's an old book called Why Bad Things Happen to Good People that you might find helpful. Grief does wash over you I know. Yesterday would have been my parents' 65th wedding anniversary. My Dad passed away needlessly this past summer and this has been a tough week for me. I've been very low and didn't really realize how much their anniv. date would affect me. My mother has Alzheimer's. I went to see her yesterday after work and she didn't have a clue. The date meant nothing to her. She was happy to see me. It's so sad.Just do the best you can and don't be too hard on yourself.Jane

Posted by: KimonoKat, Friday, March 23, 2007, 8:38pm; Reply: 51

Quoted Text

I am seeing that what I am eating is adding to my depressed state.

I think one of the best things you could do for yourself right now, is get your secretor status tested. You are aware are you not, that the A nonnie diet is dramatically different than the A secretor diet? This is the only type were, the diets are quite different from each other when transitioning from secretor to nonnie.

Knowledge is power. Once you know your secretor status, you will be much better armed to make more intelligent choices regarding your meals. And this translates into better mood.

How compliant are you to the stress reduction and exercise recommendations for Type A in Live Right 4 Your Type? If there is a second best thing you could do for yourself right now, it would be to be 100% compliant in those areas regarding schedules, sleep, exercise and stress reduction. You are a smart woman. You know these issues are important when trying to deal with depression. So, from my perspective, you have a choice. Take the steps to find out your secretor status, (so that you can be 100% compliant diet wise) and take the steps to follow all the recommendations in other areas that can affect depression.

Please understand that what I'm about to share with you, I share with the best of intentions, and in no way do I mean to disrespect the loss that you have experienced, because it is a very painful wound. I acknowledge that. And you need to process this wound, and somehow, find a way towards forgiveness for this event in your life. I acknowledge that this is not a simple, easy process. When I hear of people struggling with emotional pain and loss, I'm often reminded of the words of Caroline Myss, on her audio lecture "Why People Don't Heal, and How They Can." Here is a small snippet of the second half of the lecture, where Caroline (C) is being interviewed by Tammy (T).

Quoted Text

T: One of the concerns I have, about the way you present your teachings, on forgiveness, is that perhaps, taking this 'hatchet' approach, some people might be in a lot of denial...C: Uh um.T: ...about real feelings that they're having.C: Uh um.T: So they're feeling angry. They're feeling ,a great deal of sadness. And instead of, going directly into those feelings, they take the hatchet out, and they go, "Okay, I'm ready to forgive." And they're not really ready. So how do you avoid this pitfall of denial?

C: I'm glad you asked that question, because it gives me a chance to clarify this even more deeply, because it can sound like I'm saying, "The incident happens at noon, and you forgive at 6:00 PM." Right? I'm not saying, the hatchet's that fast. Not at all, Tammy. I think that every single, wound, is worth a time of processing. That it needs to be witnessed. That, you have to honor it, in some way. I don't care what the size of it is, you Have to Honor it, in some way. Even a soothing dinner with your family members that's it, okay, let's talk about it tonight. It's a way of honoring somebody's wound. But the question I ask my students, is,

"How may years, of your life, do you wanna give, to the power of that wound? Do you want it to control you for five years? Five months or five weeks?"

And if I showed you the consequence; If I could take you out of your life, into an impersonal place, and chart your life, and show you where you're supposed to go, or what you're ultimately supposed to contribute to this world. And I said to you, "Okay. Do you want to get to this place, in five weeks? Five months? Five years? Or twenty-five years?" What would you say? Most people would say, "Oh, I'd love to get to that place, where I can give so much to the world! I'll take it in five weeks." And then I'd say to you, "Okay, well, to get there in five weeks, you have to let go, of, these resentments you have from yesterday. Because, those are exactly the lessons, that prepared you, for what you can give, at this point in your life." Now, what speed, do you want to do that at? Are you willing to engage your gratitude in five weeks, or five years or five months? What speed do you want?

Now from my point of view, the wise speed would be five weeks, if not five days. It would be five weeks. Because, ultimately, isn't that what we're really choosing, is, the speed at which, we, want to release our anger over something. But, where is the wisdom, in letting that incident, control our life, and for five years? I am not saying, "Don't honor your wound." I am saying, that, "In this realm of consciousness that we are, claiming that we want to reside in, take advantage of what the benefits of that realm of, consciousness owe us, which is the no time and space, Notion, that we can heal in an instant." Well, if we can, take it out of theory, and practice it. And, fight the illusion, that healing rapidly, is an insult to your injury.

Posted by: TypeOSecretor, Friday, March 23, 2007, 9:12pm; Reply: 52

I can only testify from my own experience that some wounds can be extremely difficulty to heal. I've had one extremely stubborn one that has lasted for over 17 years. It behaves just like it wants to. It put me into shock and out of my body for many years. I mean that literally. I am always hoping my wound will totally heal, but it sometimes surprises me. My latest healing venture was to buy some "gong" music after I heard that gong sounds could be healing. It took me forever to find it.

I also have to remember that sometimes my attempts to heal sometimes cause trauma, so I have to be careful about my attempts to heal because the attempt always brings the memory of the trauma closer to my mind and body.

I have found that healing can sometimes be a tricky business. Just a thought.

I do agree that knowing my secretor status was important because when I deviate and eat avoids, some foods can affect my mental state. Example: about a month ago I ate some Belgian French Fries. I had planned to do so for about a month. The oil was OK because it was canola. But the potato must have poisoned my mind. I sometimes walk about a mile and a half home instead of connecting to a second bus. It gets me home about 20 minutes earlier. The day after I ate the fries, I could tell that it affected my mind. It seemed like a heavy weight was on me. I thought I never would get home. Generally, it doesn't bother me to walk, but this day I could tell that having eaten the potato affected my mind--maybe more. I hope I said that right.

Posted by: shells, Saturday, March 24, 2007, 12:05am; Reply: 53

Cathy - there is so much help on this forum both emotional and practical! I do have to agree with KimonoKat that secretor status knowledge is power - it may make ALL the difference when trying to heal.

Do you know your Rh status? If you happen to be Rh- grains could be causing you problems while being a secretor. I only say this as you mentioned feeling poorly after those tortillas ......

Just a thought :)

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Saturday, March 24, 2007, 2:13am; Reply: 54

I am very thankful for the input from KimonoKat....It is very practical. I also think that I have made a change about the grieving....I am so focused about getting out of depression that it seems I have become numb to the pain of grieving. Yes, I believe knowing my secretor status would help me physically, that I agree whole heartedly. I have not been adhereing to the LRFYT as of the last 6 months. Winter gets me down and I don't go out in the cold much....hate the cold air. Because of what you have said, KimonoKat I did spend some time with the LRFYT book this evening, it gave me some great insight I should of been following since Joel's death. It is a lot of work to stick to it when I have experienced such a blow. Now that a year has passed I want to lay down the pain and sorrow, forget it and live on with my life. I feel I'm ready for the next step.

Quoted from shells

Cathy - there is so much help on this forum both emotional and practical! I do have to agree with KimonoKat that secretor status knowledge is power - it may make ALL the difference when trying to heal.

Do you know your Rh status? If you happen to be Rh- grains could be causing you problems while being a secretor. I only say this as you mentioned feeling poorly after those tortillas ......

Just a thought :)

My Rh is +. I noticed I have more trouble with rice grain. I produce a lot of mucus so I must be careful with the wheat. This is where the confusion sets in...knowing the secretor status would deffinitely shed some light on the matter. Although I think being highly sensetive to rice would still be a mystery.

Today I felt balanced, centered! I am relieved. As long as I stay focused on my diet, and stay around other people right now I feel better all the way around. PLUS! Having the flu no way helped matters....very stressful!

Cathy,There's an old book called Why Bad Things Happen to Good People that you might find helpful. Grief does wash over you I know. Yesterday would have been my parents' 65th wedding anniversary. My Dad passed away needlessly this past summer and this has been a tough week for me. I've been very low and didn't really realize how much their anniv. date would affect me. My mother has Alzheimer's. I went to see her yesterday after work and she didn't have a clue. The date meant nothing to her. She was happy to see me. It's so sad.Just do the best you can and don't be too hard on yourself.Jane

Yes, Jane, I saw that book at the healthfood store that I shop. I hope to go there tomorrow. I'll look for the book. My heart goes out to you during this hard time. I used to work with Alzheimer patients for several years so I know where you are....dealing with your mom! That's tough.Thanks for your encouragement, I do have a tendency to be harsh on myself. I want to get up, go, and do, I don't want to sit and salk, so there I am hard on myself.

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Monday, March 26, 2007, 2:15pm; Reply: 56

Well, this is the beginning of a new week. I've had the whole weekend to think about the hatchet idea that Kimonokat shared with me. I went to a meeting with my husband on Saturday. Someone brought an illustration of new life and cutting the tree down. It reinforced what Kimono had mentioned. It make perfectly good sence to me now. I ended up drawing a picture of a tree with it's roots. The tree is huge as I stand beside it with the hatchet in hand. It is going to be hard work to cut the tree down with this hatchet called forgiveness. The tree was labeled, "Death of Joel". The branches were the feelings I am experiencing,....isolation, depression, shame, pain, embarassment, inconsistant life, and anger. The roots where labled, family, friends, preachers, associates, teachers, enemies, teachers, God. I now understand I have the power to say, "that's enough of grieving!" "I will purpose to have a happy heart!"

I will get my secretor status checked soon. Today I am able to go to this professional with my friend to see what is ailing me physically. Like Kimonokat stated, "Knowlege is power."

I am ever grateful for sharing this bit of wisdom for me to chew on over the weekend, Kimonokat. ;D

Posted by: Ribbit, Tuesday, March 27, 2007, 2:53am; Reply: 57

Cathy, I want to add my heartfelt sympathy too.

I have a much different type of grief to deal with, but in some ways it's the same---I found that the more I tried to force myself to read healing books and self-help stuff, the worse it got. I found that if I left well enough alone and tried to go ahead with my daily routines, the grief would work its way out eventually. And it has. It's been nearly 6 years since my trauma, but things have surfaced as I was ready to deal with them.

I also want to say that a friend of a friend lost a baby a couple of months ago in the same way you did, except she was at the end of her labor. She just pushed the baby out when he evidently choked on meconium. And it seems there was nothing that could be done.

When I was younger and single, I had maternal instincts that I couldn't ignore. I found that surrounding myself with children took care of some of that yearning for my own. I worked as a teacher's aide at a special needs school and got my 'kid fix' that way. But I realize that it might be too soon for you to consider that. I also know many, many families who have adopted, and I love hearing their stories. No, they don't carry them for 9 months before hand, but they are THEIRS and they are LOVED and they are NURTURED. Also, did you know that an adoptive mother can breastfeed? Just a thought, if that's something you really, really looked forward to.

Posted by: Vicki, Tuesday, March 27, 2007, 4:42am; Reply: 58

Cathy,

How about planting a new tree? A real tree in the yard? Give your inner new tree sunlight and water and a stake it if needs help growing straight? The old tree is there for you as well.

Man, what happened to you was really awful. That's really bad. I'm not sure how I'd deal with something that awful.

If it's any consolation to you, it seems as though cloning technology might currently exist somewhere on planet Earth for you to yet have a genetic child. After all, they've done it with other animals, haven't they.

In the meantime, if you can't spread your biological genetics, you can at least spread your spiritual and psychological genetics. Cultivate in the world the sort of spirit and sense of life that is uniquely you and then, in a sense, you live on forever in others, and the whole world is your child.

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Tuesday, March 27, 2007, 1:13pm; Reply: 60

Quoted Text

[/quote]...In the meantime, if you can't spread your biological genetics, you can at least spread your spiritual and psychological genetics. Cultivate in the world the sort of spirit and sense of life that is uniquely you and then, in a sense, you live on forever in others, and the whole world is your child. ....

Quoted Text

A friend of mine said basically the same thing with me last week, there are other ways of being fruitful and multiplying. That is the way that I will have to be. In a sence, we all are to do the same. I have a lucky bamboo plant that I have trying to grow for a couple of years. Well, these three little plants are finally giving off new leaves, one of them is actually giving off a new shoot from it's roots. That gives me something to meditate on. ;)

Quoted Text

Posted by: Vicki Cathy,

How about planting a new tree? A real tree in the yard? Give your inner new tree sunlight and water and a stake it if needs help growing straight? The old tree is there for you as well.[quote]

Another friend of mine has been wanting to give me a dogwood tree ever since Joel passed away. I am still waiting. I have been planting perenial flowers in a memorial garden I have made up for my three children. It is so comforting to see the flowers for the first time since I planted them last year. Winter is always hard but seeing the flowers come up so faithfully is so encouraging....life goes on.

Ribbit, thank you for your thoughts....they are a comfort. I know what you are saying about just letting go and letting life take it's coarse. If I'm going to have a nice day, I rejoice! but if grief hits me in the middle of a great day, so be it. I still want to purpose in my heart to have a great day.

Yesterday I went to see this nutritionist/herbalist and found out I have a bad case of 6 differant parisites, all from the foods I have eaten in the years gone by. I have tapeworm from beef in my small intestines, I have a paracite in my blood from snails, I have paracites in my lungs and liver. The paracites in the lungs explains why I am so short winded. My body is in a spiral downward. I have 2 flu viruses and even a pig virus. I am sick physically which is draining me emotionally which is causing my organs to shut down. My small intestines have shut down. My endocrine system is very lowand my lymphatic sysetem is backed up. I even found out that I am allergic to 4 beneficial foods, carrots, pinto beans, lettuce, and soybeans. The other foods I'm allergic to are some avoids and some neutrals. the interesting thing is that I have no allergins to any grain, not even rice. Maybe the paracites are causing me to have a bad reaction to these foods, expecially the rice. The other thing I found out I have cancer cells in my lungs and in my stomach. In a scale of 1 to 10 the cancer cells in my stomach is 5, in my left lung, 4, and in my right lung, 2. We talked about the depression and what has caused this downward spiral. We talked about adopting or getting in a place where I can have my "mommy" nurturing met, but this nutritionalist/herbalist suggested I get my health back and energy levels up to where they are to be before I do the adopting. I am looking forward to the time, if it comes, to be able to raise an unwanted child. I still have my baby things I got for Joel. I think of getting rid of them but I can't bring myself to doing it.

Posted by: Ribbit, Tuesday, March 27, 2007, 3:08pm; Reply: 61

No need to get rid of his things. They'll be of use one day to someone who needs them. You may want to consider going ahead with adoption plans, though, because it takes several years sometimes to get all the paperwork done. A parasite cleanse would do you good, obviously, and if you avoid the "allergic" foods for a little while, you should be able to eat them again. The more you follow BTD and nurture yourself the better you will get. Trauma takes care of itself and your body will follow suit.

I learned, while going through the initial part of PTSD, that my legs would start aching and cramping up, and I figured out that I needed to ask myself what was bothering me emotionally because that's the only times my legs would hurt. My legs were like an emotional barometer telling me that something was stressing me. Could be your body is doing the same thing. Just take it a day at a time and let yourself heal as it comes, and continue to feed yourself well even when you don't feel like expending the energy to cook. A can of black beans with some rice does fine, and it doesn't take long to fix.

Posted by: Alia Vo, Tuesday, March 27, 2007, 9:36pm; Reply: 62

Cathy,

Your decision to get your secretor status will help you immensely.

All blood groups have subtle changes, but nonetheless, they are important that can affect your overall health, emotional well-being, physical activity level, et al.

The secretor results will grant you more freedom by declaring your own health decisions on a daily basis.

Alia

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Wednesday, March 28, 2007, 5:57pm; Reply: 63

I am guessing I am a secretor. It will be interesting to see if I'm right. ;D I am now detoxing, and of course, I felt worse starting up the program. After being on it now for 2 days I feel my emotions are better, but physically I still feel pretty worn down. It will take 4 to 5 weeks for me to get cleared up. I have been so full of toxins for so long, even on the BTD, I believe because of the hidden viruses and parasites that I may have been carrying since teen years. I realize being on the BTD can't eliminate parasites. They are my arch enemy right now and I'm anxious to be rid of them and continue on this BTD. I have been advised to stop the BTD and loosen up, eat more meat, and other foods. ::) (sigh) I've been on the diet for 10 years this past February, I have to admit this past year has been very shakey for me to staying on the BTD, but I understand now why I felt the way I did all along. The doctor who took Joel by way of an emergency C-section said Joel died of toxins. I found that very hard to believe....now that I have been tested and all this showed up I think it quite possible that Joel did die of toxins due to the fact that I was so poluted with these parasites.

Posted by: Alia Vo, Thursday, March 29, 2007, 3:10am; Reply: 64

I believe each day will get better and you will feel healthier as your body slowly begins to detox and the lectin damage starts to dissipate little by little.

I was able to get the testing done for $75 but with all the herbal medicines included it was over $300. It is very well worth the testing if you are interested in knowing what the hidden problems are in your system. I wish there were more doctors that would use this methed of testing.I saw this website just yesterday. I was amazed by it. Definitely something to check into.

Quoted from Alia Vo

I believe each day will get better and you will feel healthier as your body slowly begins to detox and the lectin damage starts to dissipate little by little.

Your body will have more freed energy from released toxins.

Alia

I am looking forward to having strength physically and mentally to handle each new day. The death of my little Joel just knocked me over the edge. One very good thing that has come from this tragedy is that I was able to get tested and found these parasites, viruses, cancer cells, and failing systems in my body. A lot of good has come from it.

Posted by: Alia Vo, Friday, March 30, 2007, 12:04am; Reply: 67

The BTD lifestyle is a healthy foundation in which embrace this journey...

Alia

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Thursday, April 5, 2007, 12:37pm; Reply: 68

Quoted from ABJoe

Cathy, the Stress section in the encyclopedia may be very helpful for you to read. I feel it is the tip of the iceberg in your case, but it is a start.

In one way, I understand your motivation for not considering yourself a mother, but I think of you as a mother. You had a child for nine months. It died in childbirth which robbed you of the joys of life with it, but that doesn't make you less of a mother. In some regards, you have experienced more haertbreak than most mothers ever feel. Many mothers never lose a child. Who knows why the child died? We often don't really know why! We only understand that it hurts us so much to have the loss. In spite of all the pain, I believe that there is some greater reason that it is better that the baby didn't live longer.

You may be able to adopt or volunteer in some capacity that you can help children... My wife volunteers to work with children. She has done teaching at a private school and now volunteers with 4-H and public television. It is really a help to work with children to spread the goodness that you aren't able to give your own child. "Follow Me Boys" is a great old movie where a couple find out that they can't have children of their own, but by being boy scout troop leaders, they have 11 to 15 boys to help every year. It isn't the same as having your own, but it is a positive outlet for some of the emotional energy, etc... .......

I was able to get Dr. D'Adamo's Encyclopedia. I read up on the things that are plagueing my health and why it caused the depression. What I read on how stress causes sickness which causes depression was such an eye opener to me. What I was reading clarified and expounded on what this certified nutritionalist/herbalist had said. The herbs that she gave me pretty much follows the protocols that was suggested to use. I am doing better emotionally. I am able to think more clearly and possitively. The thoughts of Joel's death want to come in and I am wondering if I should entertain the thoughts, will doing so create more depression, emotional stress? I do not want to think about the tragedy any more. I don't want to think about the past . I feel that is not manageing stress very well if I allow the negative thoughts (hurts) to come in my mind. Any suggestions on managing emotional stress?I have come to understand the importance of eating protiens for breakfast for energy! I really appreciated the ER4YT newsletter yesterday! That came in the nick of time when I was struggling with low energy...just wanted to sleep all the time. The stress of grieving is a mighty one. Expecially for a mother to loose her baby. A cousin of mine has a friend that is on her death bed. Her friend lost her daughter last October...the stress of loosing her daughter has caused her to die. It's like shackles, You are bound and have no strength to break free.So far I have seen how every thing fits together, stress, sickness, depression, and the importance of eating foods that are compliable to my blood type. I feel the sickness and depression is like dead branches in a fruit tree, the root is good. The dead branches must be cut out first and then the tree fed properly for the good, live branches to thrive, flourish and produce. I'm anxious to be rid of the toxins and "start" all over again. A new beginning. Another question, Once I'm off the detoxing how often should I detox?

Posted by: Vicki, Thursday, April 5, 2007, 12:54pm; Reply: 69

The BTD with food and exercise is a gentle daily detox.

{{{{{{{Cathy}}}}}}

Posted by: TypeOSecretor, Friday, April 6, 2007, 2:13am; Reply: 70

I wouldn't necessarily think that thoughts from the past have to be negative. Following through with your thought of the tree, when a thought coming through seems to be too painful, why not get out your pruners and snip off that branch. Open your mind for new growth--perhaps healing thoughts--they will come. Maybe a way to get a better perspective on the situation. The love you had/have for the child will never die.

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Friday, April 6, 2007, 1:24pm; Reply: 71

I just feel like crying. :'( I think it is because I am so tired and very low on energy. TypeOSecretor, I see what you are saying about the pruning. I can't keep pushing the thoughts out of my mind and not giving it the attention it needs. How else is a problem going to get resolved? And in order for new life and new growth to begin, the "dead branches" have to be cut off. I do love Joel, but the painful thing is that he is not here for me to love and nurture him. Now I have to come up with a solution.... :'(I think once I get my systems in check I will be able to come up with a way to cut off the branches that need cut down. I always thought that when something bad happens and we keep dwelling on it that is having negative thoughts. But I'm seeing that if I have a "work ethic" about it to overcome the feelings and shock of a tragedy, it not negative anymore. Thank you for your advise, TypeOSecretor.

Vicki, your suggestion for detoxing after I get through with the detoxing program sound only to easy... ;) I think I can handle that.

Posted by: sluggerbean, Friday, April 6, 2007, 3:35pm; Reply: 72

{{{{{{Cathy}}}}}}

Posted by: TypeOSecretor, Friday, April 6, 2007, 5:17pm; Reply: 73

Why not let the solutions come to you - you don't have to do everthing. Be very gentle with yourself.

I would think a few good cries might be very cleansing, even sobbing, right from the gut.

Some good naps never hurt in the healing process - at least I don't think so. Maybe just respect your own way of grieving.

When I was very young, one of my aunts lost her only son in the Korean war. He was in the Air Force, and his body was never found. I can remember how difficult it was for her. She didn't like to talk about it, at least with us kids. Many days she would come to our house and just sit there. I can remember going to her house during that time and just being quiet out of respect. There were many days she would have naps with her afghan blanket and her small heater by her feet, resting because she was so overwhelmed. When I grieve or have hurts, I tend to grieve more like my aunt did - not because I watched her, but because that's the way I am. Other times I take things in stride.

My oldest sister, 9 years older than me, was of a different temperament. She had two daughters, then 2 or 3 miscarriages and then a stillborn. A few years later, ten years after her youngest daughter, they decided to adopt a boy because they had a farm. One year after the adoption, she had a baby boy. My sister is more of a pioneer type. She takes whatever happens in stride, with faith. My sister is now 70 years old.

One of my cousin's wife had several miscarriages. I think she had to be totally bedridden when they finally had a child. Now they have 4 children.

I don't know how your situation will turn out, but I do feel compassion for you.

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Saturday, April 7, 2007, 12:29am; Reply: 74

The afghan blanket and heater sounds so comforting right now!! Sometimes I feel like I have to always be doing something. If I'm not than I'm not "getting on with life". I need to rest emotionally as well as physically.....I've had a huge migraine of a headache today, I realize that I have that because of the detoxing. I was able to nap this afternoon, I see I needed that. I asked myself what is causing me to cry today? I was able to pinpoint the hurt. Then I was able to picture myself cutting that dead branch off the tree. I felt freer than and I had peace.

Thank you for your stories. It has helped me to see where I need to let go and let the grieving take it's route.

Posted by: Joy, Saturday, April 7, 2007, 6:55pm; Reply: 75

Cathy,

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Tomorrow will be one month since I lost my mother. Even though I'm well into adulthood it brings up alot of emotions. I read also that grieving is a process. There is no time limit and each person grieves in their own way.

I am very grateful for the BTD way of eating. I also have not yet gotten my secretor status which I will do very soon. I am a procastinator in some ways.

Eating well and taking care of yourself does not replace or stamp out grief. I believe it just gives you a better perspective at some point (and that is different for each of us) to go through the process.

Joy

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Saturday, April 7, 2007, 10:51pm; Reply: 76

Quoted from Joy

Cathy,

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Tomorrow will be one month since I lost my mother. Even though I'm well into adulthood it brings up alot of emotions. I read also that grieving is a process. There is no time limit and each person grieves in their own way.

I am very grateful for the BTD way of eating. I also have not yet gotten my secretor status which I will do very soon. I am a procastinator in some ways.

Eating well and taking care of yourself does not replace or stamp out grief. I believe it just gives you a better perspective at some point (and that is different for each of us) to go through the process.

Joy

I first say, my heart goes out to you, Joy...May God be your strength.

Thank you Joy for your words of encouragement. I have been struggling with hurring up the process which actually is an added stress. I have been having certain individuals that I see a few times a week giving my husband and I the feeling that we should be over the grieving and enjoying other peoples babies. I told this one individual that it just adds to the burden and makes it a bit heavier to handle. So I am feeling the preasure to "get over it". That was the "branch" that I cut off my tree because I saw it was causing more frustration and hurt. What you folks are saying of letting life, and grieving to takes it's course in it's timing sounds a lot easier to handle then having to rush the process because others think that we should be "dancing" right now.

I agree about sticking to the BTD. I have been through some tremedously huge trials in the past 6 years. Being on the BTD gave my physical strength to "fight" the battles. I am excited and am anxious to see how eating well for my blood type will be like once I get my body rid of these toxins.

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Wednesday, April 11, 2007, 6:03pm; Reply: 77

I now have been on the detox for about 2 1/2 weeks. I am feeling a lot better emotionally, I am Soooooo thankful for that. I read the recent blog from Erika. There she mentioned how sadness settles in the lungs and that crying releases that sadness that settles in there. Now I see why crying is actually very benificial.Since I've been on the detox I now can enjoy eating the veggies like I used to. I don't feel so sick and tired and worthless any more. This past Monday I had a bout with being very upset with grieving I then called my nutritionist and talked to her about it. She mentioned that I'm going to have the hardest times around the holidays....that didn't even cross my mind. She also said that since I went through such a trauma mentally and physically my hormones are still way out of whack so I will have upside down days once in a while. I won't be able to stop them. She said I was feeling what is normal. That made me laugh...I'M NORMALl! Ha Ha!! ;D

Your nutritionist sounds awesome, stick with her. Erika is also completely awesome and I love her blogs!!! I totally agree about how healing crying is.

Hang in there, you are doing very well with it all, I think.

((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))

Posted by: sluggerbean, Thursday, April 12, 2007, 12:03am; Reply: 79

Cathy,

You really are doing well. I agree with PT. Your timing for dealing with your grief and loss is just right. You brought it to the board because you were ready to let us help you deal with it. Just know that we are here for you and we care about you.

{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

Peggy

Posted by: shells, Thursday, April 12, 2007, 5:52am; Reply: 80

Cathy,

It's so lovely to follow and watch your progress and growth.

(((((((((hugs)))))))))

Keep it up girl!!!! :D

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Thursday, April 12, 2007, 11:32am; Reply: 81

Ah, thanks, gals! ;)

Quoted from Edna

Your nutritionist sounds awesome, stick with her. Erika is also completely awesome and I love her blogs!!! I totally agree about how healing crying is.

Hang in there, you are doing very well with it all, I think.

((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))

My nutritionist is very kind hearted. I am thankful for her. She takes time to listen....so differant than any other doctor I've had.

Quoted from sluggerbean

Cathy,

You really are doing well. I agree with PT. Your timing for dealing with your grief and loss is just right. You brought it to the board because you were ready to let us help you deal with it. Just know that we are here for you and we care about you.

{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

Peggy

Before I started this thread I was about to go nuts because of the confusion I was having with why the BTD wasn't helping me out. Why was I feeling so bad? Why was I so depressed? Why were my bene's actually making me feel so sick? I did not know then that I was so full of toxins! It blows my mind away. I knew also I needed help in sticking with the BTD. I knew where to go to get help. Thank you all for your encouragement, prayers, and thoughts for me. I know I'm no way at the end of the trail but at least I have strength to go on now.I have been incorperating Aloe Vera in my diet. I eat it every day. I did a little research on it yesterday and found that Aloe is the vegetable that has the highest amount of B12 in it. I read also how it cleans up the gut and clears stomach cancer! I've been looking for recipes to using the Aloe leaves. I have been cutting up the leaf and mixing it in my sauteed veggies. Does any one else eat aloe vera?

Posted by: 348 (Guest), Thursday, April 19, 2007, 3:48am; Reply: 82

Cathy, I'm new to this board and just came across this thread....words fail me....I have tears in my eyes....the loss you experienced is huge....I'm offering my sincerest sympathies for the tragedy and trauma you've endured....I haven't read through all the posts here, only the first few... so probably this has been said....take the time you need to feel the pain/angst of your loss...as I believe the only way past something is through it....the heartache of a mother....may the One Above comfort you among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem (translated from the hebrew text said to mourners)....hugs to you...be kind to yourself....take care,

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Thursday, April 19, 2007, 11:38am; Reply: 83

Thank you, diffy, for your thoughts and prayers. I have found that going though this mountain of grief has been the most difficult thing I've ever been through. I look at the pictures of my little Joel and I quickly turn away...the pain is still there.

My strengths are up and I am so thankful for that. God is my strength and my deliverer!

Thanks diffy, again for the hugs thoughts and cares!

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Monday, April 23, 2007, 8:08pm; Reply: 84

The memorial garden I planted for Joel and my other two is doing really well now. It is so neat to see my helebores coming up. It bloomed a little but the frost came a couple of weeks ago and burned the bud. But at least the root stock is well and is growing. I just noticed today while I was picking the violets that are blooming in the garden, that my bleeding heart is now about 3 inches high. I brought the violets in and set them in a very tiny tea cup. It looks so pretty. Violets are the flower for month of February, so they are very special to me. Every time I look at them I can remember Joel by them; a smile comes on my face.

I am now getting anxious to plant new flowers in this memorial garden, this year. It is mostly in shade....under a huge oak tree I call "TreeBeard".

So glad for the warmer temps....there is always hope!!

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Thursday, May 3, 2007, 7:04pm; Reply: 85

I worked out in my memorial garden this week and got the weeds pulled out. I was able to buy another statue for my second child that I lost. I have it tucked in the flowers. Now I need one more...I'm thinking the first one may have been a girl. I put up my humming bird feeder today. It may be a bit to early but at least it looks nice hanging in the memorial garden.

Here it is getting close to Mother's day. I feel for those that have lost a child or a mother. For those who have, we are in it together. It's going to be a hard time...again. This Mother's day I will probably be working, putting floral arrangements together. That will help keep my mind occupied for a few hours. ;D

Posted by: Lola, Thursday, May 3, 2007, 9:59pm; Reply: 86

I can just picture how lovely your memorial garden looks!with all the love you ve put into the project.you are in my prayers.

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Thursday, May 3, 2007, 10:51pm; Reply: 87

Quoted from lola

I can just picture how lovely your memorial garden looks!with all the love you ve put into the project.you are in my prayers.

Thank you, Lola. I'd love to somehow show pictures of my garden on this forum but I haven't quite figured it out.

Posted by: Lola, Thursday, May 3, 2007, 11:15pm; Reply: 88

it is easy.......if you have the pictures in your pc.......you download them in either photobucket, or yahoo album, or whatever Internet address is available and free.

then you just copy paste the picture address in between the codes given here, to post a picture....like the smiles some post around here.

right click on the picture will give you the address you copy paste.

maybe someone can help explain it better.....

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Friday, May 4, 2007, 1:21am; Reply: 89

ok..., I was working on getting it loaded into my Kodak album on line but the picture didn't show up, just an icon. I will try again

Posted by: Lola, Friday, May 4, 2007, 2:00am; Reply: 90

press the reply button down here and the press the image code....make sure the address to your picture in in between the code appearing on your screen, and that there are no empty spaces

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Friday, May 4, 2007, 11:27am; Reply: 91

I hope the picture shows up for you all.This is a picture of a statue that was given to me right after Joel died. We lost our dog less than a month before we lost Joel so, for this little tike to be holding a puppy means a lot.

Posted by: Drea, Friday, May 4, 2007, 1:04pm; Reply: 92

Quoted from Cathy

I hope the picture shows up for you all.This is a picture of a statue that was given to me right after Joel died. We lost our dog less than a month before we lost Joel so, for this little tike to be holding a puppy means a lot.

No picutre, Cathy, but here's something from MoDon on how to post an image...CLICK

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Friday, May 4, 2007, 2:05pm; Reply: 93

Well, I had it but then I lost it. I will try again

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Friday, May 4, 2007, 2:17pm; Reply: 94

Posted by: Drea, Friday, May 4, 2007, 2:20pm; Reply: 95

Quoted from Cathy

Well, I had it but then I lost it. I will try again

Cathy, check the Preview button before posting to make sure it's really there.

Posted by: Lola, Friday, May 4, 2007, 2:21pm; Reply: 96

yes, I can see it, lovely!!

right click on the icon and press view image!it works!

there you did it!thanks Cathy for sharing!

Posted by: Drea, Friday, May 4, 2007, 2:31pm; Reply: 97

Yay! I can see it too, after I clicked on the image and chose 'View Image'. Very nice picture, Cathy.

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Friday, May 4, 2007, 2:32pm; Reply: 98

I've been wanting to share this picture for so long! Thanks for helping, Drea and Lola!!

Posted by: Drea, Friday, May 4, 2007, 2:35pm; Reply: 99

Quoted from Cathy

I've been wanting to share this picture for so long!

WOW. Something about that picture struck a deep chord with me. Huge emotions came welling up. I was hesitant to post at first, but I think it's good to get things out.

Posted by: Kristin, Friday, May 4, 2007, 2:38pm; Reply: 100

Beautiful photo Cathy, thanks for sharing :)

And it looks like a place of solace and comfort... very peaceful

:K)

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Friday, May 4, 2007, 4:26pm; Reply: 101

Quoted Text

Posted by: Drea Date Posted: Today, 10:35am

WOW. Something about that picture struck a deep chord with me. Huge emotions came welling up.

It is a very peaceful part of my yard. When I am in the garden I can look west and see for miles since I live very high on a hill. It is very peaceful.

Here is another picture. It is the statue I just bought this week in memory of my other son, Joshua.

Posted by: Lola, Friday, May 4, 2007, 9:38pm; Reply: 102

it s their place alright!very nice!

Posted by: italybound, Sunday, May 6, 2007, 8:30pm; Reply: 103

Quoted from Cathy

I was able to get the testing done for $75 .

Cathy, what a tough time you have been having. I'm so sorry for all your losses. I can't imagine your pain (and your husband's). I am appalled that anyone would suggest in any way, shape or form, that you need to stop grieving and get on with your life!! You are the only one that knows when that is, tho it does seem that you are making some headway. ;D Someone once told me, we hurt as long as we want to. At first I was almost offended, but when I really thought about it, it made sense. We allow ourselves to hurt to stay connected. Only when we are ready to 'let go' do we start to heal. No one forgets their loved ones, but I'm glad you are starting to feel better. {{{{{HUGS TO YOU AND HUBBY }}}}}Your nutritionist sounds awesome!! Lucky you ;DWould you mind getting the name of this test from her. Thanks. I and my sister would like to have the test, but I want my NP involved to read the results and give us some suggestions on what to do. I dread to see what mine will show.........but as they say, knowledge is power. ;D Take care...........you are a strong gal.........I admire you..........you have come so far. :)

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Monday, May 7, 2007, 2:56am; Reply: 104

Italybound, thank you for your encouraging words. You are a blessing.

The testing that my nutritionist uses is called Bioelectrodermal Response Technology. This testing unites the fields of Naturaopathy, Homeopathy, Tradititonal Chinese medicine and Acupuncture with today's leading edge, Bio-electrodermal response computer technology. It is a system that facitlitates, as never before, clear communication between the body and the technician, enabling the bioenergetic fields of the body to be accurately measured and assessed. This technique has been used in Europe for the past two decodes and is currently employed be thousands of physicians and technicians in both the United States and Europe.

You may find someone out there where you are that uses this method. It was quite intriguing what she was finding. I know there were certain things ailling me I did not tell her....she found them and told me! I was amazed! She then put me on the detox using herbal tinctures. It really helped me out to know what was ailing me physically. The grieving sent my heath in a tailspin downward and I couldn't pull out of it on my own. Now that I know It made it easier to be determined to really abide by the BTD.

I can let you know more about this technique if you are interested.

Posted by: italybound, Monday, May 7, 2007, 2:25pm; Reply: 105

Quoted from Cathy

You may find someone out there where you are that uses this method. It was quite intriguing what she was finding. I know there were certain things ailling me I did not tell her....she found them and told me! I was amazed! She then put me on the detox using herbal tinctures. It really helped me out to know what was ailing me physically. The grieving sent my heath in a tailspin downward and I couldn't pull out of it on my own. Now that I know It made it easier to be determined to really abide by the BTD.

This is exactly what I mean when I say knowledge is power........sometimes not knowing can drive ya nuts. When you know, you can take action ;D

Quoted from Cathy

I can let you know more about this technique if you are interested.

Yes, I would be interested. Thanks :K)

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Monday, May 7, 2007, 3:35pm; Reply: 106

I am typing this off a pamphlet that I received from my nutritionist.

"Energy Fields and Healing

The physical body has an impressive intrinsic ability to heal itself. However, when the body cannot complete the healing process on it's own, we are able as a result of this technology, to assist in strengthening the inherent healing capacity. Through careful individual assessment obstacles are removed so as to enable the healing process to proceed. The Bio-energetic testing measures resistance to a small electrical current delivered through a specific part of the body and is able to assess whether the electron-flow recorded against specific low voltage and amperage is indicative of optimum condition within that specific energy meridian (e.g. lung, heart, large intestine, etc.). The Bio-energetic testing is then able to produce profiles showing clearly where there is need for adjustment to bring imbalances back to ideal readings. The technology embodies vast computerized libraries of remedies to assist the return to maximum health of each unique patient. From both modern and ancient perspectives we realize that every health problem is firstly an energetic phenomenon. The Bio-energetic testing helps detect bio-chemical changes before they become full blown problems. The Bio-energetic testing also indicates allergies and foods that are best suited to your specific bio-chemical makeup (what should be eliminated or added to your diet).

"Who Uses the Bio-energetic testing?

The bio-energetic testing is used by health practitioners including, but not limited to the following: Medical Doctors, Doctors of Osteopathy, Doctors of Homeopathy, Doctors of Naturopathy, Traditional Chinese Doctors, Dentists, Acupuncturists, and Chiropractic Doctors.

"Who Can Use This Service?

Anyone wanting to improve the quality of their health and life, or for more specific uses such as to enhance sports performance. Tennis pro Martina Navratilova has used this approach as part of her overall health program under the direction of Dr. Whitcomb, M.D. in Colorado.

"How Does it Work?

The computer measures the degree of electrical resistance of the acupuncture points, generally the hands and feet. These measurements indicate the balances or imbalances of the various organ systems of the body, and can detect low level reactions in the body. It also indicates which nutritional or homeopathic remedy you will need and the exact potency that will bring about an energy balance. Bio-energetic testing can also monitor the patient's progress. There are no side or after-effects with proper use of the electro-diagnosis and therapy. No piercing of the skin, on discomfort and no electrical impulses are felt during the testing. The only clothing that must be removed are your shoes and any types of stockings. No lotion can be used on hands of feet prior to testing. No one with electronic heart devices, can be tested using this method.

"What Are the Benefits?

Bio-energetic testing shows any type of energy imbalance in your body and tests for vitamin-mineral deficiencies as will. It takes the guesswork out of what your body needs and can tell you and your doctor more about the current state of your body's health. It will indicate remedies for correction of any energy imbalances."

If you want or need to get in contact with my nurtitionist here is her email address: herbsforhealing@juno.com .

Now that I have had the detox it is far more easier to eat the bene foods to keep on a daily cleanse as Vicki told me earlier in this forum. The grieving is easier to handle....it hasn't left, I am able to cope with it a lot better. I talked with a older lady last evening I have known for many years, who had lost a teenage daughter and a baby when it was 5 months old. Here she is in her 70's and she told me she has never gotten "over it".

Posted by: italybound, Monday, May 7, 2007, 3:46pm; Reply: 107

Oh my gracious Cathy, that was so incredibly sweet of you to type all of that!! I will def be seeing if my NP does this. I want to get all the ICK out of me that I can. Now see there, you're already helping others here....... ;D

I can see if I'm going to have this done......now is the time.........they are wanting to implant a defibrillator to keep my heart 'in check'. Of course, THAT will be the last course of action!And no Cathy, I can't imagine that anyone ever 'gets over' losing a child. I just can't imagine that happening. You need to take all the time you need, but at the same try try to move forward. You are doing very well w/ that IMHO.Yesterday, I watched an Oprah show where this lady's ex-husband killed their 4 children and then himself. She took a walk w/ a friend every morning at 6:30. He was apparently watching and went in and killed the kids as soon as she left. I have goosebumps in even typing that. These kids were prob about 15yrs to 4yrs. How a parent does that to their (or anyone's for that matter) children, is totally beyond me. She said she had set a date at which she would make a decision to either go on or join her children. One of the shows she did, they found that she actually saved 16 people from committing suicide for the same reasons - having lost children. She is now remarried and has twin girls. She seems to be doing well, but it's been 5 years or more. I really admire this woman..........they said the ex left a note as to why he did what he did. She said she has never read it and she has no interest in anything he has to say. She has no pics of him w/ the kids anywhere in her home.........she said he doesnt deserve that right. And he doesn't. She still has pics of her kids on her refrig, but says as her girls grow, she will take down some of the pics of the other kids and put up new ones of the twins. She has great strength!! I seriously don't know how one would cope w/ something like that, but she did. She made it in her own time and Cathy, so will you. In the meantime, you're helping others............you're a great gal!!! ;D

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Monday, May 7, 2007, 5:09pm; Reply: 108

Thank you Italybound, for sharing this story with me...it encourages me that I can go on in life. I may need to "shift the weight" a bit now and then... but it's doable! :)

My assistant pastor and wife was expecting their fourth child. I did not find out about it until 2 Sunday's ago. She was due in July. Well she had to have an emergency C section because her blood presure sky rocketted! It was a baby girl weighing only 1 pound 13 ounces...Their 3 other children was showing every body that came to church last night the pictures of their new sister. In the picture, you could see they put Daddy's wedding band on her arm as a bracelet... Since I sing in the choir we were practicing a song to sing for Mother's day...the song was entitled, "As a Little Child". I could not sing through the song I cried and cried. I looked up and saw those precious little children gleefully showing every one these pictures and I said to myself, "I must be like these little children....they haven't a clue the seriousness of the danger their little sister health is in. I must be the same way...be happy that I had the baby and "forget" the seriousness of losing him. I know some precious day I will see my little babies with Jesus my Savior! That is what keeps me going.

Posted by: italybound, Tuesday, May 8, 2007, 2:30am; Reply: 109

{{{{{HUGS}}}}} and :K) :K) to you Cathy.....it's obvious you have more strength than you know. :D

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Tuesday, May 8, 2007, 11:28am; Reply: 110

Thanks, italybound, for the hugs and encouragement.

Posted by: KimonoKat, Tuesday, May 8, 2007, 2:02pm; Reply: 111

Cathy, with the health issues you've had, you really need to get your secretor status tested. There are over 25+ foods that change from allowed to avoid for Type A's, when switching from the A secretor diet to the A nonnie diet.

Please consider it as a way to naturally detox your body.

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Tuesday, May 8, 2007, 3:33pm; Reply: 112

Quoted from KimonoKat

Cathy, with the health issues you've had, you really need to get your secretor status tested. There are over 25+ foods that change from allowed to avoid for Type A's, when switching from the A secretor diet to the A nonnie diet.

Please consider it as a way to naturally detox your body.

I agree very much so! I am still battling the detox thing. It is a daily task to cleanse myself inside and out. I want to put my order in this week for the secretors test.....It will be soon. I am getting very anxious to know what it is. I've been treating myself as if I'm a secretor....you know, I may be wrong about that! ;)

Thank you, KinonoKat, for showing concern. Greatly appreciated. :) :)

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Tuesday, May 8, 2007, 3:35pm; Reply: 113

KimonoKat, can I order the test without using a credit card? Can I order and be billed for it?

Posted by: italybound, Tuesday, May 8, 2007, 4:21pm; Reply: 114

Quoted from Cathy

KimonoKat, can I order the test without using a credit card? Can I order and be billed for it?

I think you'll have to use a credit card or send a check for it first. You can call NAP and ask them about it tho. 877-226-8973 :-)

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Tuesday, May 8, 2007, 6:29pm; Reply: 115

Yes, I did call NAP. I can send a check first. That's good to know. ;D

Posted by: KimonoKat, Tuesday, May 8, 2007, 7:24pm; Reply: 116

If you have a debit card attached to your checking account, that will act like a credit card and you can use that. I use my debit card with NAP all the time.

Posted by: Drea, Tuesday, May 8, 2007, 7:39pm; Reply: 117

Cathy, beautiful flowers! Purple is one of favorite colors...

Posted by: italybound, Tuesday, May 8, 2007, 7:56pm; Reply: 118

Quoted from outdoordrea

Cathy, beautiful flowers! .

I was thinking the same thing..........those are one of my fav flowers, just wish they lasted longer. ;)

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Tuesday, May 8, 2007, 8:05pm; Reply: 119

Thanks! Purple is my favorite color, also. :)

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Thursday, May 10, 2007, 12:05pm; Reply: 120

Yesterday I had worked all day putting floral arrangements together for Mother's day. A customer stopped by to chat with my suppervisor. Blah, blah, blah, they went on. They talked about their children and grandchildren and how long they hadn't seen their kids. My supervisor said, "I hadn't seen my son since Easter." I said to myself, "I haven't seen my son since Feb. 8, 2006." (I don't say anything out loud, I keep it to myself and just listen). I was then asked, "Are you a mother?" I smiled and said, "Yes." The customer then wished us both a Happy Mother's day.

It is hard to not see your kids in a long time, I know. It is hard when you don't hear from your kids...I know.

I ordered my secretors test today. I have purposed to eat less grain and breads and more veggies and fruit this week and am trying to get more than eight hours a sleep a day and I am feeling more energitic and refreshed. I have been eating a lot of the beneficial foods and am feeling really good all the way around. I even took a long walk the other day and felt much better afterwards. I noticed that when I started I felt rushed, keyed up. toward the the middle of the hike I felt uncomfortable physically, pain up under the right rib cage and pain in a lymphnode in my leg, but I realized that my blood was circulating and getting the lymphatic system pumping to pump the toxins out. By the time I got done my hike I felt really relaxed and comfortable emotionally. I saw then how important it is for me to do the low stress exercise that Type A's are to do.

Posted by: Lola, Thursday, May 10, 2007, 3:11pm; Reply: 121

excellent!

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Tuesday, May 15, 2007, 11:45am; Reply: 122

Well, I got throught the holiday without being depressed and spacing out. I'm so glad I kept busy at work. Putting together the flower arrangements really helped. I worked on Saturday and went to a Mother/Daughter banquet right after work. There was a song that was sung called, "Cherish the Moments" by Ron Hamilton. I cried through it. (how embarrasing!)..... :'( ::)

A friend of mine who has 5 girls and lost a baby boy was sitting at the table beside me. Her two youngest daughters both wanted to climb in my lap and cuddle up in my sweater. They had to take turns... :) I am so thankful for those two little girls filling the void that night. I sure needed that! God is good to meet the need.

Posted by: 1381 (Guest), Tuesday, May 15, 2007, 12:38pm; Reply: 123

Cathy I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I think that it is the worsed that can happen to some one, the los of a childI think what also could help you is not only to pray, but talk to G-d.Tell how you feel, tell him every thinglast year during the Libanon war there were such scary times, that I tought "That's it"Then I said to G-d "If you want me to go through this You have to hold my hand" And He did.I called my friend and she was on the phone for me for 2 houres, that was "holding my hand"take care of yourselffrume

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Tuesday, May 15, 2007, 1:51pm; Reply: 124

Frume, God is very faithful to be there for us, isn't He? He has a very good listening ear. Many a time I would be so overwhelmed with grieving that I would take my long walks and tell God how I feel. He will bring back to my memory certain verses from His Bible and comfort me.

I am trying many times to relax emotionally and go steady. I do things that are fun, beautiful and lovely to do.

Thank you, Frume, for your encouragement today. :)

Posted by: italybound, Tuesday, May 15, 2007, 3:21pm; Reply: 125

frumag, wishing you a warm welcome to BTD and the forums!! ;D

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Monday, June 4, 2007, 5:08pm; Reply: 126

Quoted from KimonoKat

I think one of the best things you could do for yourself right now, is get your secretor status tested. You are aware are you not, that the A nonnie diet is dramatically different than the A secretor diet? This is the only type were, the diets are quite different from each other when transitioning from secretor to nonnie.

Knowledge is power. Once you know your secretor status, you will be much better armed to make more intelligent choices regarding your meals. And this translates into better mood.

Well, I just got my secretor status report today and boy am I ever surprised! I am a non-secretor!! That explains why I have been so sick for so long even though I was on the BTD for over 10 years. It will take me a while to chew on that one. I am doing better with the grieving....I still have my sad moments but it is bearable. Now knowing that I am a non-secretor....WOW! I am suprised!

While reading up on the differances between the secretor and non, I saw I can have tomatoes, cayenne pepper, green and yellow peppers! Wow! I am VERY happy about that! And that I can eat certain meats now...that make me REALLY happy! ;D

Posted by: Vicki, Monday, June 4, 2007, 6:17pm; Reply: 127

Wow! TURKEY!!

Posted by: italybound, Tuesday, June 5, 2007, 3:44am; Reply: 128

Quoted from Cathy

Well, I just got my secretor status report today and boy am I ever surprised! I am a non-secretor!! While reading up on the differances between the secretor and non, I saw I can have tomatoes, cayenne pepper, green and yellow peppers! Wow! I am VERY happy about that! And that I can eat certain meats now...that make me REALLY happy! ;D

Cathy, I'm so glad to hear you are feeling better. And who'd've thought so much happiness would've come from learning you can eat tomatoes, cayenne pepper, green and yellow peppers!! ;) Will wonders never cease LOL :K)

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Tuesday, June 5, 2007, 11:10am; Reply: 129

I've always loved eating the tomatoes, and peppers and spicy foods, and even lamb, but I was willing to give them up for better health. Now I see I can have them back in my diet without any harmful effects.

It made me think of not being able to have my children with me right now....someday they will be restored to me, and I will be very, very happy on that blessed day! ;D

I will have to fine tune my salads and meals to get the beneficial foods in. I saw that I am to avoid sunflower seeds which I have been having every day in my salads...I think I can do without the seeds. ;)

Posted by: Vicki, Tuesday, June 5, 2007, 12:38pm; Reply: 130

Corn, wheat, sugar, etc all avoids now...and then some things go neutral like most soy. Do you like thai? Guess what? Coconut becomes neutral. Beware of the guar gum and such though...let me know if you find a canned coconut milk without it. Making your own is hard work but delicious!

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Wednesday, June 6, 2007, 12:48am; Reply: 131

I was eating a lot of wheat products last fall and winter....Boy, was I ever sick. I understand now why corn, wheat and sugar was giving me such fits. I have tried thai chi tea but that has been my extent on that. I'm happy I can have coconut, too. I will have to look for milk without the guar gum. I find it interesting that all soy is neutral, I don't particularly care for tempeh. I did make up a dish so it looked like chicken salad.

I am now writing out my shopping list for next week, I will have to pay close attention to it for a while until it becomes a habit of what to buy. I noticed that black beans (which I thought was a bene) gives me a lot of gas, beings it is a neutral for me I think I'll just lay off of them for a while. I was astonished to see a lot of beans that are beneficial for secretors are only neutral for us nonnies....WOW, REPROGRAM!!!

I am noticing (and have noticed) that when I eat meat (chicken or fish) for breakfast I feel really good and energetic for the day. I am going to try to keep having meats for breakfast.

I feel a little down, this evening. I worked today and then had to get some mowing done this evening...so being tired makes me cry over the loss of my babies. :'(

Posted by: italybound, Wednesday, June 6, 2007, 2:31am; Reply: 132

Quoted from Cathy

I I feel a little down, this evening. I worked today and then had to get some mowing done this evening...so being tired makes me cry over the loss of my babies. :'(

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{BIG HUGGIES TO YOU}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Maybe it's time for you to cry a bit.........seems like you've been really strong for quite some time. The intervals are getting longer, eh? :K) :K) :K) :K) :K)

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Wednesday, June 6, 2007, 11:33am; Reply: 133

Quoted from pkarmeier

.......seems like you've been really strong for quite some time. The intervals are getting longer, eh?

Yes, I think I'll feel better if I could have a good cry and a long walk right now. I have to work today and tomorrow, yet, so that is taking my time. It has been some time now, that I've had a good cry. Working in the floral department is helping me to be stable and strong emotionally. We've been having cloudy rainy days of late so that is setting the mood for sitting and staring, (for me, crying).

Thanks, italybound, for the hugs. I appreciate the support!! It will help me get through today. :K)

Posted by: 1148 (Guest), Thursday, June 7, 2007, 4:23am; Reply: 134

Your situation is very close to a good friend of mine's. She too lost her only baby after 11 years of trying and only to get choked by his cord at birth.She then almost bled to death, I believe from grief, and had to have a hysterectomy.I am proud to say she is the biological mamma to twin girls through a surrogate almost 1 year to the day of her nightmare.God is Great and he will have amazing things planned for you..maybe a baby by surrogate is possible,if not you will have eternity with your sweet babe.Life on earth is like a speck of dust compared to the time we will live in Heaven. Bless you Girlfriend, you are not alone.Bleu

Posted by: Vicki, Thursday, June 7, 2007, 4:58am; Reply: 135

{{{{{{{{Cathy}}}}}}}}

Check out how many fishes jump to beneficial!

Posted by: italybound, Thursday, June 7, 2007, 10:34am; Reply: 136

bluegirl, firstly I would like to wish you a warm welcome to BTD and the forums.What an awful thing that happened to your friend, but what a great ending, as well.I love your comment - Life on earth is like a speck of dust compared to the time we will live in Heaven - what a way to put things into perspective. :)

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Thursday, June 7, 2007, 11:49am; Reply: 137

Yesterday was a very hard for me at work. I could not keep the tears back! Things irretated me and I cried the more.

Thank you bluegirl for reminding me of the truth! OH, how I needed that nugget of truth today! Life on earth will be cruel at times but God Almighty will have the last say!

Yes Vicki, I saw how many fish were so beneficial for me. I will be eating a lot more fish than I used to. I am very thankful for that! It's time for me to go fishing!! ;D ;D

Posted by: Vicki, Saturday, June 9, 2007, 6:06pm; Reply: 138

Cathy, my thoughts are with you.

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Saturday, June 9, 2007, 7:22pm; Reply: 139

Thank you, Vicki, ;) I am doing better the last couple of days. I went shopping for more of the beneficial fish and some neutral meats yesterday. It was very hot and humid yesterday and my brain was not functioning...kept forgetting important food items and had to keep returning to the store! ::)

I am feeling much better physically since I am now following the non-secretor list of foods. I just made up some "soda" using the selter water and a little of all natural fruit juice. What a nice treat!

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Monday, June 11, 2007, 7:07pm; Reply: 140

Quoted from Vicki

Corn, wheat, sugar, etc all avoids now...and then some things go neutral like most soy. Do you like thai? Guess what? Coconut becomes neutral. Beware of the guar gum and such though...let me know if you find a canned coconut milk without it. Making your own is hard work but delicious!

I found a recipe on how to make coconut milk on the web, but I'd like to know how do you make your own, Vicki? I, at one time put coconut milk in black beans because a friend of mine was telling me how she did that. The coconut milk I found does have guar gum in it. I'd rather make mine own.

Well, I slipped up all ready!! >:( I had toasted oat squares cereal last evening, not even thinking until I finished up my serving. I then read on the box that it had wheat flour and corn flour in it! :o After a while I started having bloating and lots of burping.

Yesterday, I went down to the mighty Susquehana Rivier and had my good cry and walking there. Much needed! I'm thankful I have had several days off of work so I can have my time of grieving and pondering to get the sadness out of me.

I also want to thank those that encouraged me to get my secretor test done. THANK YOU! THANK YOU!! Words can not express the gratitude I feel for you all! Now I understand why I am so finicky! :D Now I understand why I have to work twice as hard in my life to get what others get so easily! (or so it seems.) I am not struggling with BTD any more. YES!! ;D

Posted by: geminisue, Wednesday, June 13, 2007, 11:44am; Reply: 146

Cathy- your still learning about nonnieville- so chin up and bon voyage!

Well, I just got my secretor status report today and boy am I ever surprised! I am a non-secretor!! That explains why I have been so sick for so long even though I was on the BTD for over 10 years.

Cathy,Congratulations on finding out your non-secretor results. Finding out one's secretor status can help us to refine our overall health.

It empowers us to make better food choices daily, it enables us to not waste funds on foods that are not edifying for our bodies, it allows us to cut back or eliminate food items that contribute to lectin damage in our bodies, it informs us to increase or decrease portion/frequency guidelines if one chooses to adhere to the food guidelines.

Alia

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Friday, June 15, 2007, 11:23pm; Reply: 150

Today was a fair day for me at work. I had a time for grieving when I saw a baby boy about the same age that my little Joel would be today. I cried and had to endure seeing him back in department that I was working in.

I wish there was a way to remove the hurt of sorrow as there is a way to eat and make your body be well.

Posted by: Lola, Friday, June 15, 2007, 11:38pm; Reply: 151

Quoted Text

My Hope Is Still Alive!

that s the only way!!! ;)

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Saturday, June 16, 2007, 12:48am; Reply: 152

Thanks, Lola. You are so right! :)

Posted by: Lola, Saturday, June 16, 2007, 3:43am; Reply: 153

and remember, venting is a part of healing........ ;)

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Monday, July 16, 2007, 9:37pm; Reply: 154

Well, it's been a month now since I last posted anything here and a lot has happened. I've noticed since I saw the baby that was the age that Joel would of been today I have now the strength to see the babies coming in the store. This past weekend, I was able to work with a lady who I had contacted to be my doola if I went the medical way with the pregnancy. I also contacted her for a midwife. It is a blessing working along with her. She's expecting her 4th child in September. I was excited to talk about her pregnancy and not have the sorrow chords tugging at my heart. A very good friend of mine let me know she was expecting again and I was so excited as if I was the one expecting!! I am very thankful to God for the freedom he has given me from the bonds of sorrow and depression! Last Monday I got the greatest uplifting news that I have received since the time I found out I was expecting Joel. I did my shopping and came home to find a message on my answering machine. I played the message over and over, not believing the message I was hearing. I was invited to play my harp in an harp orchestra at the York Strand Capital Theatre for Christmas! I'm just an ol' country girl who loves to run outside barefooted! God truly blessed and lifted my spirits that day!!

Posted by: Lola, Monday, July 16, 2007, 9:41pm; Reply: 155

that is great news!

Posted by: italybound, Tuesday, July 17, 2007, 1:58am; Reply: 156

Cathy, so glad to hear you are doing and feeling so much better. Time 'heals' all wounds as they say. The hurt never leaves, it just gets less intense as time passes on. Good for you for all your effort in moving forward. And make no mistake,,,,,,,,,,,had you not set your mind to do so, you would not have. So big {{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}} and congrats on the invitation to play your harp in an harp orchestra at the York Strand Capital Theatre for Christmas!! ;D :K)

Posted by: geminisue, Tuesday, July 17, 2007, 2:08am; Reply: 157

How exciting Cathy, what an achievement this is. Are you able to tape it? Would be so nice to have a memory of this special event, and of course if you know how would love to hear it here too.

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Tuesday, July 17, 2007, 1:51pm; Reply: 158

This may not be how some perceive life, but I take what comes. I just try to live my life the best I can one day at a time and whatever happens, happens. I just have to roll with the good and the bad. I have learned that I have no say so in life, I have no control over the circumstances in life but to have the right heart attitude toward what does come my way in life. I can take the good as well as the evil. I am very excited about playing in this orchestra beings I have not played at that level ever. I play my harp for nursing homes and assisted living facilities. It has helped me to make myself go out and play for others even though it is a painful chore at times. Once I get to the nursing home and see the residents smiles and appreciation for the music I then am touched and feel a bit more healing. Yesterday on my way to the grocery store, I saw a church sign that read, "Find a hurt and heal it." That made me think, I must first "heal" myself so I may heal others. I found in healing myself I must go and help heal some one else's hurt. I have been doing recordings of my harp playing. There are a bit more I need to record to make a full recording on a CD. Some of the songs I have written due to the loss of Joel. That has helped in the healing process, also. Since I found I am a non-secretor, I have been eating a lot more fish and neutral meats and have been doing a lot better health wise. I even lost another 4 pounds (which I don't need), I'm skinny enough all ready. ;D I feel a lot more energetic. I feel my corncupia has expanded twice the size! And I love it!!

Posted by: 950 (Guest), Tuesday, July 17, 2007, 7:18pm; Reply: 159

Dear Cathy,My heart goes out to you in your struggles. You are showing so much courage and I greatly admire you. Pennsylvania is a lovely state-I'm originally from central New York now living in the dry hot desert of Arizona.May I ask what kind of harp you play? I love the big free standing ones and always wanted to learn, but my shoulder/back problems would not allow it. I played violin for years and love, love, love all stringed instruments!

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Tuesday, July 17, 2007, 9:10pm; Reply: 160

Hi Sunny,

Thanks so much for the heart felt thoughts....

The harp I play is a folk harp, Paraguain style, which my husband built. It is a 5 octave harp and stands 5 feet high. It does have levers on it. It does free stand only because when my husband built it he made a stand for it. It is only 22 pounds, so it is quite portable. If I can find a good comfortable hard back chair I can play for a long time, sometimes, though, I will feel it in the back.

A couple of years ago, at the Christmas season, I was in a string ensemble of 4 violins, 1 viola, one cello, along with my harp. That was a lot of fun doing that, challenging but fun. We all were playing at our church's Christmas Cantata.

Posted by: Mari, Tuesday, July 17, 2007, 11:50pm; Reply: 161

Dear Cathy,So glad to hear you are doing better these days. Italybound is so right when she says the hurt never leaves, but does get less intense. More like twinges on your heartstrings rather than the raw, stabbing pain of those first months. It is a blessing to both you and others that you can give of yourself to them with your music, and experience healing at the same time. May God bless you with grace and peace!

Thanks Mari, you and italybound are ever so right. At times when I look at the picture of Joel, I get that twinge of anger and hurt but as soon as it comes it leaves. I figure I have more important things to do than to stand here stewing over the fact I don't have him any more. ;)The other day I had another time of feeling the pain and cried out that I have nothing to give like the other ladies I know that have the kids. Immediately and answer came to mind, "Oh yes you do! You have many talents to share with others, music, floral arranging, and other talents." I then stopped crying because I saw I had no need to. I have been called to give to others in a differant way than other mothers.

Posted by: Vicki, Wednesday, July 18, 2007, 12:24pm; Reply: 163

How exciting! I had no idea you played harp. Nothing is more beautiful sounding than a harp!

:-)

Blessing to you!

Posted by: lstreat, Wednesday, July 18, 2007, 1:05pm; Reply: 164

Quoted from Cathy

The other day I had another time of feeling the pain and cried out that I have nothing to give like the other ladies I know that have the kids. Immediately and answer came to mind, "Oh yes you do! You have many talents to share with others, music, floral arranging, and other talents." I then stopped crying because I saw I had no need to. I have been called to give to others in a differant way than other mothers.

Good for you Cathy! You have alot to share with others and don't forget that. You have come a long way and I'm so glad to know that you are coming along quit nicely. You have a great outlook on life so keep it up, one day at a time. :)

Posted by: Lola, Wednesday, July 18, 2007, 5:59pm; Reply: 165

Cathy,thank you for sharing your gift!

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Wednesday, July 18, 2007, 8:41pm; Reply: 166

Thanks, Istreat, I have to remember that I can only take one day at a time,...even still.

How exciting Cathy, what an achievement this is. Are you able to tape it? Would be so nice to have a memory of this special event, and of course if you know how would love to hear it here too.

Well, Here it is a month after Christmas. The harping at the Strand surely was an experience. We did get a recording of the show and boy, it wasn't something to be desired! :o :P ;D We are going to have a professionally done in February. My husband and I did our own recording of harp and cello to sell at the strand.

I am trying to stay busy with doing projects to keep busy during this time since the second anniversary is fastly approaching.

I am so thankful for the new book, Genotype. At first it was a bit overwhelming for me to adjust (again) but taking time to focus on one thing at a time I have found it to be fitting me and who I am...to a "T"! ("T" for Teacher!!) ;D

I am not looking forward to February.... :'( . I'm already feeling the pain of the loss. BUT, I will get through it, once more.

Posted by: Ribbit, Sunday, January 27, 2008, 3:43am; Reply: 169

Could you put the video on Youtube so we could see it too? I'd love to hear you!

Could you put the video on Youtube so we could see it too? I'd love to hear you!

A video was not done up, just a musical CD. One song that we did, "Auld Lang Syne/Greensleeves Medley" sounded like it was recorded back in the 1920's!! Really BAD!!! I laughed when I heard that one. That's why we are going to have the recording done professionally at a studio. Then the CD's will be up for sale. The CD's my husband and I did up we are selling them, to.

I took up yoga this winter and my, what a differance that has made on helping to cope with the pain and deal with stress.

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Monday, March 10, 2008, 2:20pm; Reply: 172

Quoted Text

I took up yoga this winter and my, what a differance that has made on helping to cope with the pain and deal with stress

Here it is March and I am still feeling rather under the weather. I have been battling broncitus (I now think it has progressed to pnuemonia...I don't know, I won't go to an M.D. I stay away from them!!!) I've been fighting this since Christmas to early January. Christmas was quite stressful with doing my harping gigs, working at a nearby farm market that is a tourest trap. I remember last February I was having severe health problem (just like this year), could it be that I am still having problems with my health because of the emotional trauma I had back in 2006!! I'm seeing a pattern. I took up yoga to help with the grieving...it helped at first but my coughing sickness kept getting worse and I was not getting the "benefits" of the excercising. I stopped the yoga. I was not at peace emotionally, it added more emotional stress to me even though it benefited the body. As I first posted that I was grieving and struggling with BTD. I have tried to ingore the pain of the loss and "get on with life". I see it is a plague that is difficult to handle, expecially when his birthday comes around...my immune system drops no matter what I eat. I'm going to be sick. Saturday I felt great! I thought I was about over. It was warm 57ºF and very spring like, rain in the morning and about 1 hour of lovely sunshine. THEN the biggest storm I've ever witnessed hit. I took pictures of it. While doing so the storm was interfering with the digital camera...I saw the barametric presure droped to 29.6! YIKES!! We're in trouble! The storms that the mid west was having made it's grand debue! A tornado touched down in the neighboring county. After that the cold front came in and out went the humidity. Yesterday since it was cold, dry and blusterly windy my coughing started all over again...BAD!! I took the time to evaluate my eating habits...what's changed? I switched over from BTD to GTD...more cheese! ;D Is this causing my sickness...I talked to a couple of friends about it and thought that it was the emotional stress that has run down the imminity. I believe it is many factors, including what I'm eating stress. I have to admit, I have not been eating the organically grown foods, I haven't been eating vegatables that I should be....and I haven't been in the sunshine. Love the sunshine!! 8) I love springtime. It gives me hope for better health, being in the sunshine while "playing" in the dirt (gardening!)

I have come to the conclusion I will most DEFFINITELY prepare my immune system this October to handle the stresses of the holidays and the winter season months afterwards! The body needs a little more umph to hit those stressful peaks! I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Posted by: italybound, Monday, March 10, 2008, 2:47pm; Reply: 173

Cathy, sorry to hear you are feeling poorly, in more than one way. Yes, I'd agree that stress can run down your immune system. The cheese could also be causing a problem re: the bronchitis IMHO. I mentioned to my brother a while back that if he did his Genotype, he might wind up being a Gatherer and could have his cottage cheese back. He said even if he were a G, he wouldn't add the c/c back into his diet because he felt more mucous-y (if that's a word LOL) Dairy def does that to me. While we are O's and you're an A, on the A BTD diet, there are a lot of cheeses that are avoids. Wouldn't hurt to cut it from your diet for a bit and see what happens. Hope you'll be feeling better SOON. {{{HUGS}}} :K) :K)

Posted by: 815 (Guest), Monday, March 10, 2008, 3:39pm; Reply: 174

Cathy,

Drink Elderberry tea regularly, or eat the jelly and you won't get a cold, flu or pneumonia (viral) again. I read about it from Dr. D. and then again on PubMed. Clincal studies were done. It does kill the viruses. However, it doesn't do anything for the stomach virus.

When you first practice yoga and even in meditation the practice purges the problems. At first, they seem to get worse..but then don't stop, work through it and they will disappear and you'll feel so much lighter and better.

The thing is that we suppress these emotions that hurt so much and when you practice yoga or meditation, it releases the emotion from being "locked" and it brings it to the surface (at which time you think it's getting worse or not working) If you keep at it, the practice purges the emotion and it's gone for good.

I found this out when my mother passed away in 2005 and I learned TM. I used meditation for the grief, my sister used antidepressants. She's still on them.

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Monday, March 10, 2008, 5:09pm; Reply: 175

Thanks Pat and Diana for your encouragement! I will get better!! ;)

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Monday, March 10, 2008, 7:46pm; Reply: 176

The lady who was my midwife dropped in to see me today! What a surprise! She checked my lungs to see if I did have pnuemonia. She was realived (as well as I!) that I have broncitus not pnuemonia! Ok! knowing is half the battle! YES!! I will take this as a head on challenge, take this bull by the horns and knock 'im flat! ;D ;D

Posted by: italybound, Tuesday, March 11, 2008, 2:16am; Reply: 177

Quoted from 1328

..I have broncitus

did she suggest anything for this other than antibiotics? I really love the Redoxa but have had to resort to Mucinex for my tight chest as well. Hate taking it but it's better than the anti-b's IMO. :)

Posted by: janet b, Tuesday, March 11, 2008, 2:51am; Reply: 178

My sister explained dealing with loss is like a figure 8 race track,we don't just move forward from the loss, as we travel on the figure 8. With each "lap" we can feel the loss more at times than at other times, so instead of thinking, "why can't I get over this", you get an opportunity to think of that person and remember them, and see where you are now and how your doing to cherish their memory and know it's ok to feel the loss.

did she suggest anything for this other than antibiotics? I really love the Redoxa but have had to resort to Mucinex for my tight chest as well. Hate taking it but it's better than the anti-b's IMO. :)

She did strongly suggest to take the antibiotic, but she knows how strongly I am that I will not take that kind of medication. She then suggested slippery elm bark to keep the phlem loose. She also did a differant kind of back massage on me and lightly beat on the upper back, (like you would for a baby) It broke up the phlem some more.

Janet, I hadn't thought of a loss in that way, but I can see how that is. When I'm out on the outer edges of the figure 8 I'm flying high.(dance) Then when I'm in the center where it meets I am bummed out :-/ . I am very thankful that I don't cry hard like I used to. I just get depressed and don't feel like doing anything.

I made chicken noodle soup last evening for supper. It tasted wonderful! I've been blowing my nose like crazy today, and today I can finally breath clearly! (dance) I've cut WAY down on my grain and fruit intake. I need to starve this virus or bacteria. Yesteday and today I concentrated on just protiene and veggies. Oh yea! and lots and lots of water! I think I'm on to something. The slippery elm is great for sore throats!! ;D

Today I am doing SOOoooo much better! I have not coughed yet! (I know,...it's still to early in the morning to tell ;D ) I know that my brocial tubes are still congested, when I take deep breaths I feel the gurgling. I have had trouble with broncitus growing up. I'm wondering to, since I switched over to the GTD, if that has triggered an "attack" on my weak point and upset the apple cart sort of say. I've been reading others comments on how sick they felt since switching over to the GTD....the body dumping out toxins at a slower rate....Hmmmm.Well, any way I am so happy I am doing much better than I was a couple of days ago. ;D

Posted by: italybound, Wednesday, March 12, 2008, 2:25pm; Reply: 181

Quoted from 1328

Today I am doing SOOoooo much better! I have not coughed yet! (I know,...it's still to early in the morning to tell ;D ) I know that my brocial tubes are still congested, when I take deep breaths I feel the gurgling.

glad to hear you're feeling better. Re: the gurgling......I've had bronchitis a bazillion (LOL) times and my chest has never gurgled. It will do that w/ pneumonia. I know your doc said you don't have that, but my brother just had that gurgling thing and he had pneumonia in both lungs. Take Care!! :K)

That's what I thought!! I did have coughing today. Of course I was out in the cold doing my grocery shopping. I have a lot of energy with this...maybe I have walking pneumonia :o . I do have tightening in the chest cavity. I am able to take deeper breaths than I used to.Thanks for sharing the info, IB.!

Posted by: italybound, Thursday, March 13, 2008, 1:31am; Reply: 183

Quoted from 1328

That's what I thought!! I did have coughing today. Of course I was out in the cold doing my grocery shopping. I have a lot of energy with this...maybe I have walking pneumonia :o . I do have tightening in the chest cavity. I am able to take deeper breaths than I used to.

Please keep a close eye on things. Gurgling is not a good sign IMHO. My brother was on antibiotics and out of work for almost 2 wks. He and my other brother (G) room together and G came down w/ pneumonia too and the flu, all at the same time. :(

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Thursday, March 13, 2008, 6:41pm; Reply: 184

Well, during the night I ended up going to the emergency room because of breathing through what I call a "water pipe". :o I thought my lungs were filling and then I started to panic! I had ex-rays done and a cat scan...my lungs are clear, it's a bad bout of bronchitis. My chest cavity is so sore. I have been taking it very easy today and breathing from below. and when I blow my snoot, I blow from the diaphram. I am pretty tired right now. I don't ever remember having bronchitis this bad. I am thankful that I do not have pnuemonia. IB when did your brother come down with this combo of pneumonia and flu? That would be tough to have. I was not given an antibiotic for this so I am going to tough it out.

Oh, it was found that I have a 4 mm nodule in my one lung. The doctor didn't seem to worried about it.

Posted by: mhameline, Thursday, March 13, 2008, 6:49pm; Reply: 185

Sorry to hear you ended up in the ER - I hope you will be feeling better soon.

Posted by: italybound, Friday, March 14, 2008, 1:35am; Reply: 186

Quoted from 1328

...it's a bad bout of bronchitis. I am thankful that I do not have pnuemonia... IB when did your brother come down with this combo of pneumonia and flu? .. I was not given an antibiotic for this so I am going to tough it out.Oh, it was found that I have a 4 mm nodule in my one lung. The doctor didn't seem to worried about it.

Glad it's not pneumonia, but if it's bronchitis, I'm shocked they didn't give you antibiotics. Especially as long as this has been going on! As I understand it, bronchitis can turn into or lead to pneumonia, so please still keep a close eye on things. My brother had his bout about 2 or 3 weeks ago. He was sick for around a week before he was actually diagnosed I think. Please keep an eye on the nodule too. You know, patient in-patient out equals more money. Not always in the best interest of YOU. :'(

Posted by: Vicki, Friday, March 14, 2008, 4:32am; Reply: 187

{{{{{{{Cathy}}}}}}} thinking of you!

Posted by: 1328 (Guest), Friday, March 14, 2008, 3:45pm; Reply: 188

Thanks for your concerns, IB, I will keep an eye out for what is going on with my lungs...I am doing ok today. Have a sore throat and sore ribs on the right side but no coughing! YES!! If this tiredness and sore throat continues much longer I will try to get an appointment with Wendy my nutritionist. She has that machine that can read energy levels of the body.

I have come to the conclusion that grains in abundance is toxic! I had to many of my nice baked goods and am paying the price. Since I have cut my serving of grain to about a half cup a day I seem to be regaining my health. I do much better with a higher protein diet, that's for sure!

Thanks Vicki, for the hug! The doctor told me that since I have a viral infection that an antibiotic will not touch it.

It's wonderful to know that some one(s) out there is looking out for me. THANK YOU!! (((Vicki))) (((Italybound)))

Posted by: italybound, Friday, March 14, 2008, 5:02pm; Reply: 189

Quoted from 1328

The doctor told me that since I have a viral infection that an antibiotic will not touch it.

that is true enough.....did he culture? If not he has no way of knowing if it's bacterial or viral. :-/

that is true enough.....did he culture? If not he has no way of knowing if it's bacterial or viral. :-/

I don't know how dr.s do cultures but I know he took some blood for testing. Do they use blood samples to test cultures?

Posted by: italybound, Saturday, March 15, 2008, 12:55am; Reply: 191

well, I'm all red in the face. I'm thinking of sinus issues when I ask about swabbing. However, I still thought bronchitis could be both, but maybe it's only viral and the bacterial somes in if a secondary infection occurs. ??A little more searching reveals there is indeed both kinds.http://www.merck.com/mmhe/sec04/ch041/ch041a.html

I think she gave it to me!! ;) I woke up coughing this morning. So much so I had to get up. Will see how the day goes. Hopefully yours will stay away Cathy. If it means me having to have it, so be it. LOL :K)

This was a good website to see, very informative. From this particular site it does look like there are two types of bronchitus...so how is a doctor, or patient, to know which one. What I've been coughing up was mostly white, so according to this website I have a viral infection.

Quoted Text

I hope the cough stays gone!

So far I'm doin' all right. I seem to get the urge to cough right as I lay down for the night. I immediately get up and get water and drink and then bring cup of water and set it beside the bed, I feel like I'm sort of threatening the cough...saying, "I DARE you!!" ;D

Quoted Text

I think she gave it to me!! I woke up coughing this morning. So much so I had to get up. Will see how the day goes. Hopefully yours will stay away Cathy. If it means me having to have it, so be it.

OH MY! I hope you don't have what I have!! That's one thing I would NOT share with my friends! I pray your coughing will quit before it starts! I spent an hour and a half out in the sun yesterday with my dog, Cooper. I sure felt good, it was very warm and spring like. I thnk it helped.

Posted by: italybound, Saturday, March 15, 2008, 2:21pm; Reply: 195

Quoted from 1328

What I've been coughing up was mostly white, so according to this website I have a viral infection.

Great!!

Quoted from 1328

I seem to get the urge to cough right as I lay down for the night.

when I had that crud some months ago, night was always worse. I wound up sleeping in the lazy boy alot. I had that cough for 2-1/2 mths. It was when I did a parasite cleanse that it went away. Four days into the cleanse, it was gone. Whew!! ;)

Quoted from 1328

OH MY! I hope you don't have what I have!! I spent an hour and a half out in the sun yesterday ..I think it helped.

Certainly couldn't have hurt LOL and I doubt I have what you have, so no worries. :K)

Posted by: Vicki, Tuesday, March 18, 2008, 3:30am; Reply: 196

Cathy, did you get some more sun?

{{{{{{{{{U}}}}}}}}

Posted by: Mrs T O+, Wednesday, April 2, 2008, 8:51pm; Reply: 197

Just now reading this...Are you taking megadoses of vitamin C?How about fasting? Sometimes something this stubborn requires drastic action. You may feel worse till you feel better....

What climate do you live in? I live in Chicago & hate the winter which can last up to 6 months IMHO. I need sunshine & exercise as well as good food.Can you afford to travel to a warm climate during the winter?Can you move somewhere else?I don't know your whole story, but know that the depressing cold weather is a pain!!