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9/19/2011

The beauty of the Word of God, the disastrous reality that is my humanity!

I've been inmersed in the books of Kings. I really enjoyed them and have gone through them way too fast, but I couldn't contain myself. I love how eventhough they are books I've read many times before, every time I read them i find new teachings. What I love about God's Word is it's ability to spark a desire in my heart for change, renewal, transformation, renovation, motivation, and self examination. The only issue is that that spark in my heart is encountered with the sin in that same ol' heart of mine that will try to extinguish it. It feels like the more I want to spend in the Word, the more my flesh wants to manifest itself. It frustrates my "testimony" to be seen by my husband spending more time in the Word, and later in the day spend more time complaining or easily getting upset for anything. I guess this is were again I must trust my Lord that He perfects in my weakness. I am also on a constant need of a dosis of humility, so I guess this is why the Word that is light brings forth the darkness that I want to hide. It is a lesson that I shouldn't hide it, but confront it.

My husband was telling me he needed me to be more supportive in his weak areas instead of being too pushy. Well, I told him being pushy was one of MY weak areas and I needed him to help me improve that too. I love it when we sit together to talk about our weaknesses, needs, and expectations. It opens up both of our eyes unto what needs care, change, and growth. We are still a young couple, learning tons everyday about each other, about living together, about living for God and doing things right. Actually, I don't think that will change even with the years for we will always be learning. But Satan doesn't like that at all, and he constantly bombards me with negative thoughts. The one that he has been using alot lately is the: "You are not enough!" And the trick that makes me really fall, is that I begin to believe my husband believes it too. And this is were I am grateful I read the Word of God to remind me: "Yes! Indeed you are not! But I, Your God, am!"

And it all revolves around the issue again of letting Him be my strength. It is so sad to see how foolish most Kings of Israel and Judah were. How they wouldn't turn to their God. More shockingly, how they would turn away from their God. And it makes me wonder: when I face the day to day, how often do I turn to God?

Ever since my strength is missing, I turn to God for trivial time like when I have to cook. And I am finding myself turning more and more to Him, seeing in this His purpose for what is happening in my life. Today, I couldn't get up. The strength was just not there. I got to work an hour late, and this was only possible because my loving husband made the meals for today and fixed my lunchbox. He has been doing fixing my lunchbox more and more often. It really burdens me and eats me up inside that I should be doing this for him and he is doing it for me. Again my dosis of humility kindly given to me by the Lord through my husband. But, as I was sitting in the car in the ride to work, I was thinking of ways to make me get up. Maybe I should wake up at 5 and take my hipothyroidism pill then so that it will kick in faster and when it's time to get up, I'll find it easier. Maybe I should finally learn to take a cold shower (I fear this just as much as I fear spiders!). And it hit me: again, seeking your own strength, seeking help elsewhere. Turn to Your God! You don't need strength to lay in your bed and quietly pray. Meet Your God first thing and ask for strength and wisdom. Your Father says He will give it to you if you ask! Go and ask. Go and be filled by strength by standing in His presence!

And so, I am slowly learning. This slowly learning thing is new to me. I'm used to getting things right much faster. Marriage, life, and christianity isn't, and if I thought I was getting it correct and fast, I was deceiving myself. This has been I reason why I find it hard to have people in my life to correct and admonish me. If I was deceiving myself, I was probably deceiving better others that I "have it all together," including my husband and family. I guess then that the fact that spending time in the Word also makes my flesh come forth is also purposeful. And it all fits on Your wonderful plan that I am fully convinced it is good and perfect.

*151 a husband that can fix lunchboxes.
*152 a very patient, very tolerant husband
*153 productive talks where we can express our needs openly
*154 a vacation getaway!
*155 the hubby being ill on the vacation, but only for two hours, and then feeling ok.
*156 falling in love all over again, with walks on the beach and starry nights all to ourselves.
*157 a safe trip home
*158 a loving mother-in-love
*159 a lovely birthday meal for dad, Luis, and me! (all of my family, except my mom, have their birthdays on September)
*160 an evening out with my brother Luis.
*161 finding gym money in our budget :D
*162 a hubby learning to have better control of our finances
*163 learning to be more patient and supportive. being told to be more patient and supportive.
*164 the light of the Word of God
*165 a God that never, never fails
*166 phone talks and skype talks with my family. I had two long phone calls with my darling brother and sister on my bday!!
*167 a weekend to serve at church for the first time next to my loving Eunice and Jenny and their husbands!
*168 making lasagna that makes my hubby smile!
*169 hot water bags for when i have an upset tummy.
*170 that mom and I can turn to each other and vent even when we are miles apart.

I love You Jesus, never stop teaching me. Speak to me, for I am listening!