Friday, October 14, 2005

Concerning Sneezing

One of the Cardinals in my office has a severe cold. I told him to go home, but he insists on working. He sits in the office next to me, and I can hear practically everything he does--which mostly includes playing snood.

Anyway, he sneezed about 10 times in a row this morning. I managed to say "Bless You" after the first three sneezes, but then it just started getting ridiculous. I told him that three blessings is the limit.

Later this afternoon, a group of us were in a meeting room and he sneezed again. All the other Cardinals said "Bless You" except me. They all looked at me in shock. I told them that I already blessed him three times in the morning.

Uh oh, now you have the other cardinals nervous. They wonder why you din't bless the sneezing one. They're thinking 'Do you know something they don't? Is there some reason he should not be blessed?' Better come out with a memo, before they start shunning him, or try to wall him into a tower.

Why not have podcasts or iPod TV downloads with blessings from Your Holiness for sneezes in a bunch of different languages? This could be a real cash cow for the Church. The possibilities are endless...imagine also a Special Papal Edition iPod nano. Way cool.

Being a lifelong Houston Astros fan, I tell the Cardinals to go home every year. Repeatedly. In fact, they are all here playing the Astros all weekend. Watch 'em on TV. They ain't nothing to sneeze at.

I hate it when sick people continue to come to work in an effort to infect the whole office. I bet Europe could've been spared the Black Plague if only Cindy would've stayed home a day when she was sick!

Because we in my profession (or what passes for one) are such total tools, we say to the allergy sufferers, "Let the record reflect a standing "Bless you" for today." See, uh, it's an inside reference to registering a standing objection with the Court.... Yeah. Like I said. Tools.