An account of my pursuit of trying to deepen and intensify my Dharma practice, through TBC, Zen (Ch'an, Soen), Tibetan and Theravada traditions, Refuge Recovery, with book reviews, cultural notes, photography, and anything Buddhisty I can get my hands on.

Saturday, March 08, 2008

essay and talk

It makes me reflect on my essay. Some said it was a bit negative. I focused on the difficulty of meditating while living a full life, with children. Some people have a very profound heart awakening by becoming a parent. For me the awakening was to how important meditation is for me, and how important meditation is for me to be the open, caring and mindful person I want to be--and yet paradoxically, it's hard to meditate with so many demands. It's a crunch of sorts.

I suppose I'm also into expressing the negative emotions of parenting. Most people have a kind of formulaic positive expression of joy. I have those feelings, but unfortunately they are not dominant in me. I experience many negative emotions as a parent.

But what has emerged is to highlight and heighten my struggles--with patience. I was thinking it the other day--I'm intolerant of my own learning pace, I want to learn more quickly.

Also I'm selfish. I'm used to a lot of free time. And I have very little free time now. That has been a hard adjustment. Accepting circumstances is another theme for me in parenting, a more pragmatic need to be pragmatic.

Anyway, I find parenting by Buddhist fascinating, and obviously a theme of this blog.

Finally, there's a new talk by Bante. I haven't listened to it yet, but I intend to.