'Bare Chested Babes on Survivor'

When I first left the Mormon church I still believed in God. And sadly, due to the information that I had recently uncovered, my new idea of God was quite an unpleasant one. Thus, when my daughter came down with pneumonia I had some internal struggles to deal with. As I sat with her in hospital waiting for doctors and nurses to do their thing I had plenty of time for negative thoughts to creep in. Try as I might, I could not seem to stop myself thinking that it was my fault that my little girl was sick. I had turned my back on religion and now I was getting my comeuppance (sp?)

At the same time I self-talked myself out of really believing such things BUT the niggling little idea was there, taking little bites at me, parasite!

My little girl recovered quickly. The doctors said that her body was strong, and that rather than the usual hospitalisation she could be cared for at home. Disaster averted!

Another example of 'wigging out' - a few weeks ago Perth suffered somewhat of a monster hail storm. It was fun and bloody scary at the same time. My husband was picking my children up from school at the time and so I was home alone as the deluge came. The thunder roared in my ears, louder each time. The hail flew with fury and abandon. As I witnessed nature raging I felt fear. I tried calling my husband to get news of my family's safety. I couldn't reach them. Again the parasite nibbled and clawed at me... "your fault! apostate! heathen! FOOL!" ... and for a time it seemed that God, the angry one, was teaching me a lesson.

Yet... (of course all the atheists here could have told me the ending of this story before it began, silly confused ex-mormon! ) the skies cleared, as they do. The earth was beautiful in its stillness. Trees had been ripped to shreds, cars pock-marked, windows smashed but the earth felt clean and fresh and lovely. My family returned safely to me, full of exciting tales.

The next day DH got a call, The University of WA had been battered, as had most of Perth... there was a years worth of 'ceilings to be fixed'... thank you angry rain god for our blessing of employment... does that put us in the third category of blessings for the heathens?

And now a word from Brigham Young (second prophet of the Mormon church)

Journal of Discourses 1:83.

I say, rather than that apostates should flourish here, I will unsheath my bowie knife, and conquer or die. Now, you nasty apostates, clear out, or judgment will be put to the line. If you say it is right, raise your hands. [Watt records that all hands went up] Let us call upon the Lord to assist us in this, and every good work.

My point? must I have one? well... if, IF there is a God, I would like to believe that he/she/they do not serve out punishments when I swear, drink or think sexy thoughts about the bare chested babes on Survivor (male and female ;) ... rather they clink glasses and make thoughtful faces at each other and await my return.

Bad Maureen! You left the church and now my patio roof has holes in it!

Not only do you have to contend with Woman Guilt and Mother Guilt but Leaving a Church Guilt too! With practice you will come to learn that hail storms and pnuemonia happen regardless of any one person's actions.

Come to think of it, that's a bit egotistical for religious person to think that 'God' punished all those ppl of perth just because little old you said a swear word...