Tag: sober

The holiday’s are normally my favorite time of year. I love everything from the family time, Christmas tree hunting, sledding, snowboarding, Christmas parties, shopping for gifts and the food. This year I have a sense of dread. All of those events I mentioned above, I did under the influence. Yes, even snowboarding, which inevitably led to me injuring myself that has had a lasting impact on my right knee and ankle. My whole family for the most part drinks. The whole focal point of Holiday parties whether business or personal, is alcohol. I have a business party for my real estate business and I am thankful that the majority of my agent friends know and are aware I don’t drink and am in the program but I am still worried about so many triggers. I have a game plan in place for Thanksgiving. I am going to my friend from the program’s house first to eat with her family and then I am going to the “sober” family’s house. I can’t avoid family functions indefinitely though. Some of my family members in themselves are triggers for me. I used to only be able to handle certain people because I was half loaded by the time I showed up.

I guess the only thing I can do is take it one day at a time. I wish our society was not so obsessed with alcohol and that you aren’t considered “different” if you DON’T drink. I wish I wasn’t sick and I could drink in moderation with my friends and family and not destroy my life. I wish there was a cure for addiction. As wonderful as the program is and how much it helps, it doesn’t wipe you clean of your demons and vices. The disease sits in me and will for the rest of my life. I would be lying if I said I don’t feel bummed that this holiday season I won’t be drinking. Drinking was a huge part of my life for the majority of my adult life. It will be weird and hard not having a drink on Christmas or New Years eve. I am still trying to figure out what sober people do on these days?

I do know that no matter what I will get through it because I have an amazing support system. It’s just been a thought in the back of my head for the past few days with Thanksgiving looming ahead and no pinot grigio to get me through awkward family exchanges.

For my sober friends who are also in the same boat, here is a list of things you can do other than use/drink:

1. Live in the now.

You cannot change yesterday or control tomorrow. Focus on doing your best right now.

2. Seek support in nature.

Fresh air and sunshine are wonderful antidotes for depression and anxiety. Try out activities like hiking and surfing to establish a deeper connection.

3. Tap into your creative side.

Paint, draw, sculpt, sing or dance. If it gets the creative juices flowing, it’s good for your sobriety.

4. Don’t test your willpower.

Get rid of all of the alcohol in your house, including bottles “for guests” or special occasions.

5. Embrace change.

Change is good, especially when you are becoming a better person. Let go of the past.

6. Let go of resentment.

Focus on forgiveness; grant yourself and your loved ones forgiveness. Without it, moving forward is impossible. Reconnect with family and friends and make amends as needed.

7. Try meditation.

There is no right or wrong way to meditate. Choose the method that appeals to you. Meditation will help you quiet your mind and center yourself.

8. Don’t live in fear of relapsing.

Worrying about slipping back into old destructive patterns can consume your mind. Instead, focus on your strength in recovery.

9. Fend off loneliness.

Isolation can be dangerous. Spend time with family and friends who will support your recovery and provide positive reinforcement.

10. Use the 24-hour plan.

If a lifetime of sobriety seems overwhelming, start with a smaller goal. Decide that for today, you will not drink or use, no matter what.
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11. Don’t put too much pressure on one short stay in rehab.

It takes more than 30 days to develop and nurture a solid foundation for sobriety. It’s something you’ll need to work on every day.

12. Be good to yourself.

Addiction beats you up. Now that you’re in recovery, treat yourself to a massage or a new pair or shoes to celebrate how far you’ve come.

13. Get active.

When your mind and body are engaged, there is less room for cravings. Go for a run in the woods or kick a soccer ball around with the kids. You’ll feel energized, alive, and best of all, sober.

14. Adopt a pet if you don’t already have one.

The responsibility of a pet will add more structure to your lifestyle, and the unconditional love that animals offer is truly irreplaceable.

15. Check yourself frequently.

With every decision you make, ask yourself: “Is this the healthiest choice for me right now?”

Happiest of Wednesdays loves! Each day that goes by on this journey presents challenges and eye opening experiences. Today I want to continue to document my journey on the path of recovery.

Yesterday I was VERY afraid of relapse. We went to a baseball game, which was normally an excuse for us to spend an obscene amount of money on wine and beer and sloppily root for our team. I wondered how I would have fun if I couldn’t go to my wine shop in the corner of the stadium. When we stopped to get gas I had an overwhelming craving for sugar. I NEVER eat sugar. I am a salty snacks girl and always have been. I got some skittles and Reeses not only to curb the sugar craving but to give my mouth something to do since I used to drink “road sodas” on the way to the games. On the road I hopped on my pocket rehab app and started chatting with people and came across a forum someone had posted saying that eating sugar when you crave alcohol helps keep you away from it. I looked at my S/O and told him what I had read and said “I am a natural at recovery” LOL. You gotta find the humor sometimes. Eating candy with 56 grams of carbs is 100% not Keto, but this is my first week sober and I am picking and choosing my battles. I’ll take skittles over a relapse. We get to the the game and go to find my friend who is already in our seat. We are passing beer stand after beer stand that we used to stop at on the way. We used to get to the stadium an hour early to make sure we had time to get drinks before opening pitch. There are people all around passing with Rainier, wine, mikes, angry orchard….you name it, it was being thrown in our face. We hightailed it to our seats and with a collective sigh were in the clear. This is when things turned around.

I realized in looking around how vibrant, colorful, and SHARP everything is. I noticed the clouds tinged with pink, the green grass of the field, the girl in front of me snap chatting someone named “Alex W” flirty winky faces, and the old couple in front me holding hands and using binoculars to see better. When the old woman couldn’t get her hood on all the way, her husband lovingly helped smooth it out and put it in place for her. I noticed the scent of garlic fries, the father and daughter sitting together trying to start the wave…and then there was the depth of conversation with my girlfriend. We didn’t talk about anything too serious or thought provoking, but I REMEMBER it all and ENJOYED it. When Motter hit a home run I didn’t blearily look up to see what the commotion was about and who had done what. I saw it in real time and technicolor. There were so many beautiful little details about the universe going on all around me that made my heart warm. Things I never would have noticed on my quest for my next drink.

We enjoyed slices of greasy pizza (which is always my tradition), but I ate it slowly and enjoyed every bite as opposed to drunkenly stuffing half the slice in my mouth. I sipped watery Diet Pepsi and that was ok with me.

We left during the 7th inning which is also our standard on work nights. Normally we have trouble finding the car, have to go to the bathroom 500 times and then pass out when we get home. This night I was running and jumping in the parking garage trying to slap the over hangs on the ceiling which were very low, and much to my S/O’s amusement, I am still too short to touch. It was goofy, good-natured fun. When we got home we got in bed and talked about our plans for our separate meetings for the week and I won’t get into other details about the rest of the night but I will say…it seems that EVERYTHING is even more amazing sober 😉

Although we went to bed late for our standard I am refreshed and proud. I am glad I knocked another thing off the list of things I used to do drunk that ended up being fun sober. Its starting to be less daunting and more exciting!

In other exciting sober news….My mom is a complete nut to some degree and drives around in a van with others from Union Gospel and tries to convince people on the streets that are using to get in and go to treatment. A lot of the time they are unsuccessful, but yesterday she convinced one young man to get in and go to treatment. I ask that my readers pray, put out good vibes, speak to your Goddess, whatever you do….Ask that this young man stays in the treatment and has a chance at life. She also ran into a young woman shivering in shorts and a tee shirt who wasn’t ready for treatment, but she gave her the coat off her back. Our family may be broken and riddled with addiction, but we are taking the most babiest of baby steps to conquer it. One soul at a time.

So although I am new (again) to the sobriety thing I can already see small but positive changes in my life. It’s these little stepping stones that will guide me to the big victories.

For example: I have been talking to a lovely girl I met through my S/O’s NA group. I invited her to a meeting in Seattle this weekend, not really expecting her to say yes because that is the norm for people I had been surrounding myself with. Flakiness, backing out, etc. But she instantly said yes! Sober people are so down to support you and help keep you lifted up without skipping a beat. Then today. I did my Starbucks routine: Grande cold brew with cream and 2 stevias and a trenta ice water. For the first time in a long time I picked up the coffee first and sipped it. Before, I would literally drink a whole trenta ice water before I got to work because I was so dehydrated and couldn’t stomach coffee until I drank water. I wasn’t even consciously choosing the coffee over the water this morning but when I put it down I realized what had happened. To some this is such a minuscule thing to even notice but to me it was a mark of waking up refreshed and NOT dying of thirst and nausea. It is also a mark of being entirely present in the moment. There were days where I don’t even barely remember driving to work because I was so exhausted and felt so shitty. Today I went into work an hour early and drank my coffee first. Small, but real victories.

Today is my graduation ceremony and it feels odd but liberating to not be celebrating with a fifth of vodka. It also feels weird to be having company tomorrow and not serve alcohol. I jokingly asked my friend “what do you do at a party if you don’t drink? Communicate like normal humans? Unclear.” Although I was joking, I’m not….lol. What DO you do?? I have to re-learn how to socialize without drinking. That concept might come easy to others but my whole adult life alcohol has always been the life of the party. I guess we will just have to see what tomorrow brings. Since I am supposed to be taking it one day at a time I will put tomorrow on the shelf and embrace whatever comes then.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and if anyone on here is graduating also, CONGRATS!