My Cousin Yehuda

A cousin of the 5-month-old baby who was murdered by Palestinian terrorists reflects on this barbaric killing.

Another sleepless night. Sleep has not come easily over the last 8 months, but over the last week it has been non-existent. See, this week my 5-month-old cousin, Yehuda Chaim Shoham, was murdered by Palestinian terrorists. Tossing and turning, I mourn my family's loss and Israel's loss, wondering when and if this nightmare will come to an end. Looking back though on the past few days, I gain strength from the most unlikely of sources, and this is what I would like to share with you.

My wife and I were on vacation in the United States when we got the phone call. The phone call every Israeli family fears and prays will never come. Benny and Bat-Sheva were on there way home from paying a shiva call to Benny's parents, who were mourning the untimely death of Benny's 27-year-old step-brother in a car crash, when tragedy struck again.

Just minutes away from their home in Shilo, a terrorist flung a boulder the size of a watermelon through the windshield of their car, hitting little Yehuda in the head. Upon arrival at the hospital it was clear that only a miracle would save Yehuda's life, as his skull had numerous fractures, and within hours it was established that his brain stem was destroyed as well.

As I put down the phone, in a state of shock, I began to cry. Although we have all but become accustomed to dealing with heartache and continuous tragedy in Israel, this was different. This was my baby cousin, whose mother I had grown up with. Bat-Sheva was my cousin, my neighbor, my best friend.

Barring a miracle, it was just a matter of time.

We spent a grueling few days in New York trying to get on the next flight back to Israel, finally getting out on Saturday night. Meanwhile, the doctors had declared Yehuda brain dead, and barring a miracle, it was just a matter of time. I prayed that I would make it back to Israel on time to say my goodbye to Yehuda, and be there to comfort Benny and Bat-Sheva.

Upon arrival in Israel, we went straight to the hospital. It was 1:30 a.m. Benny and Bat-Sheva had just put their heads down for the few minutes a night that they allowed themselves. Yehuda's grandparents, my uncle and aunt, were bedside. My Uncle Jerry had just gotten off the phone when we walked in, and relayed his conversation to me. The phone rang in the ICU at that ungodly hour, and the nurse called my uncle over saying that someone was on the phone asking for a family member.

The man on the phone, from Rishon Letzion, said that he had he never met the family but he could not sleep. He was heartbroken and called the hospital to see how the baby was doing. He wanted the family to know that he was praying for them, and asked if it would be all right for him to come visit the next day. As I heard about this phone call, and the numerous others that had occurred over the past few days, I realized how Yehuda's condition was truly in the hearts of all Israel.

We went home to catch a few hours of sleep before we would return to the hospital. On the drive back to the hospital we got a call, it is only a matter of minutes, get here quickly. As we walked into the ICU it was clear that Yehuda had just passed away. I immediately broke down, as my sobs joined the chorus of screams and tears that filled the room. Looking at Benny and Bat-Sheva, I got my first glimpse of their true greatness, courage and faith. As I stood over Yehuda, wailing, it was Benny who came over to comfort me. As he hugged me, he said that this was all from heaven, and that the Almighty had his reasons. Walking around the room, it was Benny and Bat-Sheva who looked to comfort us all.

That evening the funeral procession started at the Prime Minister's office. As Benny spoke, there was not a dry eye in the crowd of thousands. He spoke of how Yehuda's death had united the people of Israel, and had brought them together in prayer. He stressed that we not lose faith in God's mercy, and that our prayers will ultimately bring the final redemption that we so long for. Once again it was Benny whose words were of comfort to the crowd.

"We are all Yehuda Chaim Shoham."

As the procession made its way from Jerusalem to Shilo, the convoy of cars went on for miles. As we passed the settlement of Ofra, which has lost a number of people to terrorist attacks over the past few months, we were witnesses to a heartwarming sight. Hundreds of residents, men, women, and children, stood by the roadside at 10 o'clock at night as we drove by. They stood in silence, some holding Israeli flags, others with signs that read, "We are all Yehuda Chaim Shoham." At every settlement that we passed, this scene repeated itself. The pain and love in their eyes was just another sign of the unity Yehuda had brought to our people.

The burial of a 5-month-old baby is heart-wrenching, even more so when he's your cousin. As the tiny body was placed in the grave, Benny recited the Kaddish we all said our teary goodbyes. We prayed that this would be the last death in our fight to defend the land of Israel.

From Shilo we traveled to Neve Aliza, where Bat-Sheva and Benny would be sitting shiva. The house that Bat-Sheva had grown up in was now her house of mourning. As I was leaving the home, I was awestruck. I had come to comfort them, they had just lost their one and only son, but the opposite happened. They comforted me. Through their continued show of tremendous courage and faith in God, they strengthened my love for our land and our people, never doubting for a second that our cause is just and that God will prevail.

The courageous message that I got from Benny and Bat-Sheva was loud and clear: we mustn't let this death be for not. Yehuda was just a baby, without sin or enemy, yet he was killed for one reason only, he was a Jew on his way home in Eretz Yisrael. Each and every one of us must act to assure that we are doing our utmost for the people of Israel and the land of Israel. We must return to Israel from the four corners of the earth, and we must settle the land. We must return to God, for it is only the Almighty that can help us through this terrible hour. Help us help ourselves, as we hope to make this the last tragedy to befall Am Yisrael.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 13

(13)
Josia Nakash,
December 8, 2010 9:28 PM

no words

My condolences to you and your incredibly strong family Ari.
As you know my Mom was the first victim of the intifada - also injured by a huge rock through the windshield just a year or two after burying 2 of her children.
All I can say is that time eventually heals everything but I wish the Creator didn't have to wake us up in this brutal way.
Our thoughts will be with you.

(12)
lisa,
September 26, 2010 3:10 PM

May his family be comforted & only have simchas

Yehuda.....from the word Yehudim.....he died as part of "Am Yisrael"....wouldn't it be nice if we all did one mitzvah in memory of Yehuda Chaim.

(11)
Amy,
November 14, 2004 12:00 AM

I purchased a memorial braclet about a year ago and I was extremely surprised when I typed in the name on it, just a few minutes ago, and found pages of articles about Yehuda Shoham, the name that has been on my wrist everyday since I got it. I am honored that I can commemorate this loving child, whose death touched so many.

(10)
Cyndee Gray,
August 10, 2001 12:00 AM

Someday...

Someday all Of Israel shall be Vindicated....and someday every tear shall be wiped away..and nations shall not learn of war again..until then HaShem collects every tear in a bottle.by His Mighty hand Those who are doing these terrible things will pay!!!

(9)
jenny rains,
July 2, 2001 12:00 AM

our prayers are with you

As a grandmother who has previously lost a seven month old grandaughter unexpectedly my heart and prayers are with you. We don't understand the things the Almighty brings into our lives, but we trust in his ultimate wisdom and goodness.

(8)
Betty Roistacher,
June 21, 2001 12:00 AM

Thank you for sharing this tragic story with the world. I pray that this precious soul will facilitate changes as he sits with all the other great souls of our ancestors. Amen.

(7)
Jack Menashe,
June 21, 2001 12:00 AM

Even I Cry...

As a father of 3 (my youngest now only 9 months), my heart cries for all touched by this episode. Especially those brave enough to preserve our roots in Eretz Israel. I extend my deepest sympathies and utmost support.

(6)
Jane Topp,
June 18, 2001 12:00 AM

Deepest sympathies

...to you and yours in your tragic and so unjust loss.Words don't seem enough to express how we feel.I don't know if it helps to know that here in a small New Zealand country town,as in many such places around the world,a group of us meet and pray just for Israel and the Jewish people at this time....we pray for miracles,for protection,for the hearts of the people to return to the God of Abraham,Isaac and David,we pray that Hashem would arise and divinely move in this situation.We are so sorry that you have lost the joy of seeing Yehuda grow to manhood.

(5)
Margaret Collins,
June 18, 2001 12:00 AM

Baby Yehuda

It was through very teary eyes I read this article. When this horrible tragedy occurred I e-mailed a prayer request to many of my prayer partners, along with a picture of the baby, asking everyone to please pray for a miracle healing for this little one and peace, strength and comfort for the family. Many wrote back to me that they were praying. I am an evangelical Christian and my prayer partners are also. I've made a few trips to Israel and I stand whole-heartedly with you that the Land is your God-given land. Please know that there are those of us (evangelical Christians) who are truly your very good friends.
Praying for the Peace of Jerusalem,
Maggie Collins

(4)
Betti Miner,
June 18, 2001 12:00 AM

when will innocent children become victims?

I was shocked and saddened by the loss of Bat-Sheva and Benny of their son Yehuda. Ari's article really moved me to wonder why these little babies are targeted, I can only pray for these little ones with Am Yisrael, as I cannot be there physically. I hope that G-d gives peace and comfort to the parents of these children, no matter if they are Arab or Jewish.

(3)
daniel greenfeld,
June 17, 2001 12:00 AM

heartwarming article

The pure faith in Hashem that the parents of yehuda displayed is unbelievable, and is truly a lesson in living life with a Torah perspective.

(2)
Anonymous,
June 17, 2001 12:00 AM

no words

this article eloquently stated how precious every jew is and how we are united... the fact that the family was able to find comfort within G-d's master plan is an everlasting tribute to yehuda chaim.

(1)
Anonymous,
June 17, 2001 12:00 AM

Times of the gentiles

These parents' faith is remarkable and well-placed. It is certain that the God who sees this great evil is just and merciful and will turn Israel's pain into joy and gladness someday, soon. Let the wicked prevail momentarily. G-d will have them in derision one day, and they will find themselves entrapped in their own snare; this by the hand of G-d and not of Israel per se. We share in your grief and prayer.

My nephew is having his bar mitzvah and I am thinking of a gift. In the old days, the gift of choice was a fountain pen, then a Walkman, and today an iPod. But I want to get him something special. What do you suggest?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Since this event celebrates the young person becoming obligated in the commandments, the most appropriate gift is, naturally, one that gives a deeper understanding of the Jewish heritage and enables one to better perform the mitzvot! (An iPod, s/he can get anytime.)

With that in mind, my favorite gift idea is a tzedakah (charity) box. Every Jew should have a tzedakah box in his home, so he can drop in change on a regular basis. The money can then be given to support a Jewish school or institution -- in your home town or in Israel (every Jews’ “home town”). There are beautiful tzedakah boxes made of wood and silver, and you can see a selection here.

For boys, a really beautiful gift is a pair of tefillin, the black leather boxes which contain parchments of Torah verses, worn on the bicep and the head. Owning a pair of Tefillin (and wearing them!) is an important part of Jewish identity. But since they are expensive (about $400), not every Bar Mitzvah boy has a pair. To make sure you get kosher Tefillin, see here.

In 1944, the Nazis perpetrated the Children's Action in the Kovno Ghetto. That day and the next, German soldiers conducted house-to-house searches to round up all children under age 12 (and adults over 55) -- and sent them to their deaths at Fort IX. Eventually, the Germans blew up every house with grenades and dynamite, on suspicion that Jews might be in hiding in underground bunkers. They then poured gasoline over much of the former ghetto and incinerated it. Of the 37,000 Jews in Kovno before the Holocaust, less than 10 percent survived. One of the survivors was Rabbi Ephraim Oshri, who later published a stirring collection of rabbinical responsa, detailing his life-and-death decisions during the Holocaust. Also on this date, in 1937, American Jews held a massive anti-Nazi rally in New York City's Madison Square Garden.

In a letter to someone who found it difficult to study Torah, the 20th century sage the Chazon Ish wrote:

"Some people find it hard to be diligent in their Torah studies. But the difficulty persists only for a short while - if the person sincerely resolves to submerge himself in his studies. Very quickly the feelings of difficulty will go away and he will find that there is no worldly pleasure that can compare with the pleasure of studying Torah diligently."

Although actions generally have much greater impact than thoughts, thoughts may have a more serious effect in several areas.

The distance that our hands can reach is quite limited. The ears can hear from a much greater distance, and the reach of the eye is much farther yet. Thought, however, is virtually limitless in its reach. We can think of objects millions of light years away, and so we have a much greater selection of improper thoughts than of improper actions.

Thought also lacks the restraints that can deter actions. One may refrain from an improper act for fear of punishment or because of social disapproval, but the privacy of thought places it beyond these restraints.

Furthermore, thoughts create attitudes and mindsets. An improper action creates a certain amount of damage, but an improper mindset can create a multitude of improper actions. Finally, an improper mindset can numb our conscience and render us less sensitive to the effects of our actions. We therefore do not feel the guilt that would otherwise come from doing an improper act.

We may not be able to avoid the occurrence of improper impulses, but we should promptly reject them and not permit them to dwell in our mind.

Today I shall...

make special effort to avoid harboring improper thoughts.

With stories and insights,
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