FEATURED ARTICLES ABOUT BULLY - PAGE 4

Dear Abby: After reading the letter from "Bullied in Delaware," who was critical of an article she had read about how to prevent bullying, I had to write. I am a 17-year-old girl who was teased and tormented from 1st grade on. Because of it, I became depressed and began eating my problems away, which led to the nickname "Big Red." When I reached the summer of my sophomore year, I was at an all-time low. A good friend offered me some advice that changed my life: "If you hear something long enough, you begin to believe it. You've been told all about your outward `flaws' for so many years, your perception of yourself has become blurred.

By Maureen Dowd, (copyright) 1995 N.Y. Times News Service | September 7, 1995

Blade Buchanan scares me. I mean Pat Buchanan, but that's what he was called in our neighborhood. He was awarded the moniker by a friend's mother who dismissed him as a "gay blade." These days, he is an un-gay blade. But back in the '50s, he and his brawling brothers were the scourge of Washington's Catholic community. Boys at parochial schools all over the city would huddle on Monday mornings to whisper about the latest Buchanan hooliganism. Did you hear how they crashed a party and beat everyone up?

Q. We have a boss who constantly harasses the help about their appearance. He blames individuals for his mistakes, especially when he changes the direction of a project without telling the people involved. And his pettiness demoralizes everyone. What are our rights and how do we best handle this situation? A. You'd have some legal recourse only if the tormentor singled you or others out for such things as race, gender, religion or age. That's not just bullying, but discrimination.

Nobody noticed that Harry Wesley Patton was missing until Thursday. That's when a towing company worker discovered the 42-year-old ex-convict's body under debris piled in the back of Patton's old pickup truck. Police figure someone killed Patton-who had a "town bully" reputation in Anoka County-hid the body under the debris, then parked the truck near Anoka Technical College on Dec. 1. The truck sat outside the college until Dec. 10, when school officials reported it abandoned and North Star Towing hauled it to the company's lot in Anoka.

If I advised you to see "Bully," the new film about a group of casually homicidal teenagers with beautiful bodies and withered souls, and if I further advised you that "Bully" is actually purer in spirit than a cheerful crowd-pleaser such as "Shrek," you would have ample reason to temporarily revoke my critic's license, pending a thorough investigation of my fitness to dispense cultural commentary. And if, during the ensuing probationary period, I not only continued to insist that "Bully" is morally superior to "Shrek," but also made a similar declaration about "crazy/beautiful," another summer film about a teenager whose search for meaning is undertaken in a haze of sex and substance abuse, you would be entirely justified in recommending that my credentials be permanently stripped, that the pen be wrenched from my fingers like a disgraced general's sword by an editor who was, he would later console me, "just following orders."

Talk about traumatic. You're happily splashing in your local pool when some kid comes out of nowhere and dunks you. Whoa, what was that for? Bullying isn't limited to the schoolyard. Some bullies work randomly, picking strangers at the pool or park as targets. And psychologist Jonathan Pochyly of Children's Memorial Hospital says this type of aggression is increasing. "It ... can be fairly random and unprovoked," he says. Random bullying usually happens in stages. Pochyly says this kind of bully usually looks for a smaller kid or someone he or she feels is a good target.

If a co-worker is constantly putting you down and getting off cheap shots, chances are he or she feels threatened, according to Working Smart, a newsletter published by the National Institute of Business Management. Working Smart says competitive peers often put others down as a way to win control or exert authority they don't really have. The newsletter has several suggestions for dealing with bullies: - Try to win them over or agree to disagree. - Answer their remarks with a neutral question.

How embarrassing. Someone just told you to "shut up," and other kids heard. Shut up is a phrase kids commonly use, either as a joke or to mean, "Oh, really?" But shut up also is used as a put-down or to intimidate, says psychologist Gershen Kaufman, author of "Stick Up for Yourself!" (Free Spirit Publishing, $11.95). Kids use shut up to hurt feelings because it makes other kids ashamed. Kaufman calls it a "shaming strategy" and says kids simply have to learn to deal. "The most important thing is to not let the other kid get the upper hand or see [you]

Q--Our 8-year-old daughter is being bullied at school. We want to help her but we are not sure where to begin. What should we do? Fighting Mad A--"Bullies enjoy getting pleasure out of somebody else's pain," says SuEllen Fried, a past president of Prevent Child Abuse America in Chicago who along with clinical psychologist Paula Fried authored "Bullies & Victims: Helping Your Child Through the Schoolyard Battlefield" (M. Evans and Company Inc.,...

Bigger than Shaquille. Meaner than the Wicked Witch of the West. Scarier than a raptor. We're talking about the school bully. "Bullies are angry little kids," says psychologist Alan Hirsch of the Chicago area's Capable Kid Counseling Centers. "-'ve worked with kids who are proud that they're bullying other children." Often they feel bad about themselves, so bullies take it out on others. Yeah, we know, it's hard to feel sorry for someone who makes your life miserable. Here are tips on making a tough spot easier: - Don't let the bully think it's OK to pick on you. Say how you feel.