Pages

Monday, May 7, 2007

depressed

I’m feeling depressed yang teramat2 sangat,musibah ni menimpa on just the right time,masa orang memang tgh tension.Last night,as usual I signed into my YM account, alhamdulillah tiggers members ramai yang online,so we discussed about jojo’s suggestion to create another webpage for us since yahoogroups’ service is kinda lousy.chg decided to use multiply then.i appeared offline to one person but as usual,he can detect my actual status.this ofcourse adds to the pressure.Then,just after midnight,chong told me that I can check my upu application status already.and guess what,I did get my 1st choice alhamdulillah!.UNFORTUNATELY, the 1st choice was chosen only for baba’s sake.nak amek hati baba konon.sbb 4 other applications everything ikut ummi’s suggestion with a little bit of baba’s advice.so perasaan tension tuh mmg x boleh nak cerita.i did not expect utk dpt pun,that is the reason I was like kinda letakjelaa..as long as everyone is happy.at the time, I feel like knocking on my parents bedroom door and cry myself out infront of them like I used to do as a child when I had nightmares.But ofcourse I did not do thatlah,a very irrational act.back 2 my ym status.i changed it to BUSY,in capital letters with the busy sign.but ofcourse,everyone ignored it and buzzed me to know the results.i replied to none of them,just clicking on the X button everytime a window pops up.i know it was really stupid,I should have just face the reality,or atleast signed out of ym.hahar to me.To distress myself,I made myself read another online novel,GT~i.i cried last night,uhuh~the iron lady cried.hahah.felt like nak ketuk2 bantal.Today,when I woke up,alhamdulillah theres no sign of swollen eyes.but then,I just woke up to face another just as bad news,or I might say much worse.TOK ADA CANCER~What am I supposed to feel,as her grandchild,eventhought im not that close to her.uhuh~by the way,im not supposed to tell anyone this,but I don’t think abg fie or amad or ochu is going to read this,so doesn’t really matterla.the thing is,not even auntie nor and mak ua knows,apa lagi my other siblings.my 3 adikS doesn’t need to know ofcourse,and I doubt ummi told kakak since she is in the middle of her final exam.as 4 abg,I have no idea.he’s like toya 24/7.Act,ummi already guessed that it is cancer.at first,tok was doing a check up at tawakkal hospital when the doctor found out that her sugar level is way to high.even diabetics don’t have that high level of sugar in their blood.it was 30 something and you will be announced as diabetic when it reads as 13 if im not mistaken.however,exactly that night,it decreased quickly to 15 and the next day,it was already too low that tok was shaking.so ummi said to baba,not to make him worried to death,but just giving baba a dose of reality.ummi said that there must be something wrong with her pancrease, and it is not just diabetese.baba’s friends,pakcik roslan and pakcik latiff also agrred to that opinion.(note:they are medical doctors,and ummi is not)So,please do some prayers 4 tok eh?Feeling okay already that I put my feelings into writings.apakah manusia mengira bahawa mereka akan dibiarkan hanya dengan mengatakan "kami telah beriman" dan mereka tidak diuji?:al ankabut ayat 2