well gentle readers, im finally back again and i apologize for the delay. its been one thing after another and then we got hammered with stupor storm sandy (aka the hurricane that was HUGE) that left millions without power for well over a week, left the barrier islands of southern jersey uninhabitable with homes that were destroyed, boardwalks destroyed and we here in the hobbit house about 3 hours west got howling rain and wind – 70mph winds. i had to call out the day it hit, my truck is rather high and there is no way i was going to risk it. i did it in hurricane Irene, slaloming down 340 laughing my butt off the whole way (no radio and man that sucked). but that was nothing compared to sandy. we lucked out and didn’t lose power. we prepped for it to some extent, 13 gallons of water but then realized we didn’t have nearly enough food. only us. and that leads me to

nor’easters. for those of you unfamiliar with a nor’easter- it sucks. it sucks so bad that i would have use some of my finer cuss words and im trying to get away from that. but picture me cussing like a drunken sailor (i excelled at that lol). the nor’easter starts in the gulf of mexico picking up as much water as possible then moving up the northeast corridor (think I95) dumping rain along the way but some how, some way, some thing happens because when it gets to the Philly area, it becomes a stalled front. it STOPS. RIGHT OVER US. and dumps rain rain and more rain on us and the flooding begins again and im getting sick and fing tired of paying for people to live in flood prone areas. c’mon already. you know its going to flood. move. now. i don’t think you deserve any help if you choose to live in a flood prone area. you asked for it and im done paying for you to live there. and all of this leads me to

snow (hisses). that damn dirty nasty word. this is the real reason i hate the winter, not just because of the cold (cold physically hurts me). i hate snow. i hate ice. i hate shovelling it (don’t have to anymore praise the Lord). but snowball fights are fun. 🙂 and getting a romantic tackle… but i do admit to thoroughly enjoy watching it snow, that quiet shusshing sound the snow makes when its falling, when everything is pristine, pure and clean. fresh and new. then the plows eventually make their rounds and in some places they barely leave you a lane and pack the end of your driveway in with heavy plow snow which pisses you off as you’ve just dug your drive way out of 3 foot of snow… animal tracks start appearing (ok thats kinda neat) but the snow starts getting ugly. slushy, dirty, icy roads- IT SUCKS. i can tolerate snow for 1 day and one day only. after that i want it gone and i want it gone now. my patience is had.

which leads me to the reason for this post. all three events happened hmm – lets see about within 4 weeks. we got hammered and hammered hard. we here in pa are used to this nonsense. well, most of us are, not the lemmings who hear about my title and run to the grocery store and empty it out in minutes as if they are going to be snowbound or hurricane/nor’easter stranded. they panic and i honestly don’t think they know how to think critically. i think they are of the ‘i will survive at any cost’ sect, not realizing that we know where they live and only the strong survive. only the strong survive has been evolutions best friend, well that and the Darwin awardees’. we’re not descended from the short fat cavemen who were eaten by dinosaurs, we’re descended from the tall skinny ones who got away! i know i am.

so now i have to find a way to get thru the next 4 months which will take me thru to march, which comes in like a lion and out like a lamb. my ass lol. it’ll be cold. once the cold sets in here its loathe to leave. but once i see the crocus’s and daffydoodles come up, i know the winters back has been broken and spring is on her way here. that gives me hope. and in my mind, hope is a rarity and is cherished. as is calmness and peace. but im working on it. every day i try as hard as i can to get thru it the best as i can. it’s all i can do and every day is different, some good some bad. its to be expected and im learning more and more.

yes gentle readers, im swinging downward and im really hoping i don’t crash and burn. that really sucks. but more than that, i just found that this tune by csny just fit my mood and some issues that happened recently very well. the incidents i shall not speak about albeit to say there are some harsh lessons to be learned and to have to live with regret will haunt them for years. that makes me sad.

christ on a bicycle who cares about jerry sandusky. he’s going to die in jail. as it should be. changing the channel. ive got an episode of bridezillas to watch. i know, i know – but its amusing! i just don’t understand how people go on these shows (read jersey shore – honey boo boo) and then look at their families in the face. what on glods green earth has become of this generation? especially honey boo boo – a show i will NOT watch. that just gives that type of programming/family raising attention. negative attention to be specific. besides when i look at honey boo boo and wonder how the hell she gets crowned is beyond me, and when i look at her family i get the creeps. *shuddering* eeewwww.

hmm lets take a short walk in the wayback machine and review the weekend. ahh what a fucking cold weekend it was and my friends patti, kim and i were at the delaware valley abate’s party the fall down ball. had the weather been nicer (lets talk cold and WINDY) and it been held in oh say august lol there would have been a bigger attendance. but it was what it was and it was a whole lot of fun. pat, kim and i were there as vendors as kim is the owner/artist of Thoughts 2 Reality Sterling Silver Jewelry. im now in the midst of creating a blog for her in order for her to get a presence online and sell her jewelry. it truly is lovely, she gave me a gorgeous silver and lapis pair of earrings – i’ve been wanting lapis for a very long time. im saving my money to buy one of her slave bracelets (freakin gorgeous!!) as a dear friend of mine had a very bad accident (he fell off a porch with a desk), broke femur in 3 places, crushed wrist and broke his hand among ribs etc. my friends are holding a fundraiser and raffle to raise money for him – he wont be going back to work for quite some time. it breaks my heart. i adore him to no end. if there is anyone else out there who believes in paying it forward and would like to contribute, email me thru my about tab and i will give you the contact info. but back to the fucking cold party (is anyone seeing a pattern here?) free food, free beer/drinks bike games and a very good band Storm. i take my music seriously and when i say very good,i mean they WERE very good. lol the delaware dominant was there and two of their proby’s were hawking for donations for a brother who recently passed away and had 4 daughters. i followed them up to a tent up at the top of the hill and waited till they were done and approached them with a) honey, pull your damn pants up! (i HATE that lol) and b) i only have $10. how much is the moonshine, it would be $10 for jenny right? and i winked at the one proby and we all had a good laugh. i gave them the tenspot and turned away and they said but what would you like? um, nothing. your brother went down and he had 4 daughters – that’s enough for me. but you have to take something – how about a shirt? (now im thinking of the pa dom – my “family”, they’re the same but i will not wear anything that may upset them) and i just said no, its ok, i don’t need anything. and the tall one with the perpetually low jeans said how about a hat? i said ok if you keep your damn jeans up! lol. here’s my shout out to um never mind. i have a truly disturbed stalker and i don’t want anything to happen to her if she tries to get involved with more revenge against me. huh would you believe she’s been at it for four years now?

we started packing up around dark, cold and dark lol and had a bitch of a time pulling the tent up and getting it to collapse properly. thank you delval abate again for the help lol. stupid little button just wouldn’t push so we could collapse it. off we go, kim made her money back and then some – we’re working on her to understand that its going to take a while for her to make back all she made the week before and she already had a nice nest egg of jewelry to sell. but this was a great learning experience for all of us with regards to setting up a booth, how to do it in the wind (sheepish glance) and how much to bring. i got home late naturally, it was dark and cold after all. told my beloved how the day went (he didn’t notice my 1%r hat for a while lol) and boy was i tired. oh boy was i tired. so off i went to put the electric blankey on the bed, turned it on high and get my jammies on cause goin to bed was happening very soon. it must have been soon cause i have very little memory of the rest of the night lol,. but i need to make a huge thank you shout out to donna – if not for her, we never would have found it. thank you donna , its been much too long. i love you, ((((((donna)))))))

ahhh sunday. Sundays are always good. start the morning off with church services ( i loves me some dr charles stanley – he makes me think, and feel loved by God). i think i even woke up in time for one of them, in touch (dr stanleys show). most times im on my puter but listening to the service, but sunday – i put the puter down. for all our services. i needed to hear them. and then the bone-chill made itself present. remember, it was COLD AND WINDY saturday. i stayed in my jammies all day wrapped up in a blankey but the headache started, the bone aches started – i was not feeling well. bayer migraine, advil, i love you. and that’s not forgetting xanax. it helps me relax when i get upset. and richard, if you are still getting this, much less reading it – please tell alix im not in it for the drugs. xanax is the only med i take that could be construed as a *drug* and i take it as little as possible. then tell her fuck you alix. you were wrong and your insistence to know everything about my treatment was out of line. then again there isnt a line she hasnt crossed lol. or at least said hello to lol. or screwed or snorted lmsao. but asides from that lol, i then proceeded to spend all day wrapped in my jammies, robe and blankey on the couch alternating from nap, to watching whatever good was on, to nap and you get the picture. money was just as bad sans the terrible head ache and the body aches were taken care of with advil but i just was not going anywhere. but to sleep lol.

now ive made a couple of references to my stalker. i have reason to believe she is on the prowl again. this time she not only admitted to trying to get a friend of mine fired from her job, she flat-out admitted she’s having my friends daughters work computer ghosted every night and audited. those are illegal offences, can we say hacking?? – does this sound like a sane mind? then i come to find someone called the police at my sons college claiming to be me. im in touch with the campus police, so i can get the date, the recording of the call and the phone number. suzanne arundale, i truly believe that was you and if you DIDNT think all that information and call wasnt recorded well you truly are dumber than whaleshit. when i have the information, i. will. destroy. your. world. you were warned before not to interfere with my children, specifically in the response to your silly email not to delete crap – which i forwarded to one of the DA’s of Rhode Island, who is your cousin. i think it was about then you disappeared from delphi which you are lifetime banned from, but that never stops you. i was then very amused to find out you were legally proven sane. not for long. if you are truly stupid enough to go after my daughter… but enough of the dumb cunt. she doesn’t deserve even this much time.

did i mention its getting cold out? and that i hate the cold? get used to it gentle readers lol. cause i hate the cold. living in the philly burbs (far western burbs by lancaster) means we get cold every winter. rumour has it that we’re going to get hammered like we did several years ago with snow. you have been warned gentle readers it might get ugly for the next couple of months. i have to stock up on vodka and cranberry, capn’ morgans and hmm its a toss-up between my beloved yukon jack and tellamore dew. smoooooooth. if its going to be snowy like they said, so long as i have my booze, im cool. don’t need to worry bout food, the iga is next door lmsao. all those windowlickers who flock to the stores at the very mention of a snowflake wont beat me there this time lol.

ahhh gentle readers. this is one of the things i like about writing. it makes the unhappies go away. or it shuts the voices down a bit. but it also makes me sad to know that there are some people out there who have some very hard lessons to learn and that they will have to live with regret, i find unhappy. it happens, but there are some forms of regret that live with you forever and wake you up in the middle of the night saying oh man what have i done? but sometimes that comes far too late to make nice, to say i was wrong im sorry, to love again, to make amends. and a sad note, my ex lives with that, if he allowed himself to realize that it was not all my fault and he seriously fucked up. it’s not even half my fault or a quarter. and he never once said im sorry i hurt you jen. and on that note…

just a song before i go to whom it may concern, travelling twice the speed of sound its easy to get burned.

and it’s because of bryan that i hate, utterly hate the song life in the fast lane.

gentle readers. boy do i love U2. ive seen them 2 or 3 times (not sure, i don’t remember things very well lol). but one of my best and most favorite all time concerts was the joshua tree tour. wow. then again, it was a couple of days after major surgery and im there at the stadium with a pillow, just in case lol. oh the things I’ve done to have a good time… 😉

but yes its a beautiful day – today is the day my beautiful daughter turns 23. or 24. im not quite sure – math is not one of my better subjects (she’s 23, i found the calculator lol). interestingly enough, she’s a physics and applied mathematics dual major. don’t know where she got the math bwains from. wasnt me. or the rest of her bwains – she’s brilliant, genius or genius plus level brilliant. butthead and i were cleaning out the shed (where we stashed everything when we moved) to decide what to keep and what to shred. all the kids stuff was natch a keeper (oh the smiles and near tears) and i found the SAT’s she took when she was in the gifted program in early middle school and she scored low to mid 400’s in math and reasoning. wow. middle school. ms geek she was and a proud geek she was! I couldn’t be more proud of her. or amazed. or bewildered. my daughter is an enigma.

and now she is an adult. hmm. not sure if I really like that lol. but it doesn’t matter if I like it or not, time marches on, things change, daughters grow up. and grow up she has. college suits her, if it was up to her, she would be a student forever. she did not get that from me. I was talking to my little sister earlier and I told her I remember her holding my infant daughter, she was so small. my sister said she was so beautiful and she was. so tiny and perfect. so utterly intimidating. I was totally terrified of this precious little thing I had given birth to. but we learned together, with the help of my mom, how to be a mother and daughter. as butthead and I were cleaning out the shed today, I found my fantasia tape – KEEPER! but I also hope I managed to save the little mermaid, her favorite movie. we. watched. that. movie. every. day. several. times. a. day. lol. and i know her tiny little fingerprints are all over it. I close my eyes…

but if it even looked like it was or smelled like barney its long gone. I hate that purple dinosaur.

but back to my beautiful adult daughter lol. she’ll be graduating in may. she’s had her entire senior year paid for by scholarship. if it was anyone else, i would be – that’s so cool! but with my daughter, im not surprised or amazed. i just shake my head and smile. it’s just another spark in the brilliant fire that is her life. she is totally focused on her life, her upcoming career, her fiancée. i have no idea how i managed to raise such an incredible success/i cant think of the word i want, so i would like to thank butthead, her step dad. i blame him totally for everything she has become. i was just the cook, maid, laundry lady and cheerleader lol. oh yeah – chauffeur. i was driving miss daisy constantly lol. but if it was not for him, i don’t think i would have been able to have done it. so thank you honey. thank you for helping me create the most incredible kid/adult/daughter the world will see. i could not have done it on my own. but daughter mine, when kilo crosses the Rainbow Bridge, the pezzinator is yours. again. come and get him lol. i have enough anxiety in my life, his separation anxiety will make me nuttier than i already am lol.

now, my little girl is getting married in may, she’s grown up and is now flying the coop. going off to college was bad enough, now she’s really leaving home. sigh. she’s starting a family all on her own. a part of me hates that. i guess that’s natural, i want to keep my kids close, to protect them from this world we live in now. it’s not the world i grew up in. its dangerous, cruel and i cant handle the thought of anything happening to my daughter or son, anything taking away the innocence before its natural time. i don’t want them to grow up and grow away. i have to protect them but i know i cant, i know its life. something ive never been fond of but it is what it is. holy crap, i just realized ive turned into my father. todays her birthday and i contacted my son and reminded him to call his sister on her birthday – something my dad did to me on my sisters birthdays. omg. and i contacted both my sisters too!!!. looking up – pop, your legacy lives on!! may my family forgive me lol.

i think of how she’s changed over the years, from the shyish youngster she was, thru the band geek highschool years to the confident, mature, funny beautiful woman she’s become. and i smile to the amazing brilliant star she will be. sunny – i will leave you with this – life’s most valuable lesson and words of wisdom. because i love you.

What you don’t have you don’t need it now
What you don’t know you can feel it somehow
What you don’t have you don’t need it now
Don’t need it now
It was a beautiful day
ps – i found your hanson ticket and boy have i forgotten how smokin hot bono is. 😉