Would You Rather Articles

There were a LOT of braids at the MET Gala last night. As Duana pointed out, it’s like they all think the Khaleesi and Cersei Lannister’s hair counts as punk on its own. I can get down with the braid as part of a punk outfit, and you know, I’ve almost never hated a braid, but it doesn’t quite elevate when it’s matched with a purple very safe Carolina Herrera gown (are her breasts too low?) and an equally safe, horribly unimaginative Donna Karan. Full Story

Avril Lavigne went out for Halloween without fiancé Chad Kroeger last night. I’m sure he enjoyed her costume at home. That sentence was intended to make you dry heave. Like, she’s agreed to marry Chad Kroeger. If you’re not dry heaving I need you to think about this and get back to me in 10 seconds. Full Story

There was an article that appeared on Gawker today: Which Actresses Do You Irrationally Hate? (How much do you love that Jessica Biel appears under the headline?) The thing with me is – I don’t irrationally hate anyone. All my Hating is Rational. Full Story

Oh look. It’s the dry heave-inducing Rossum in LA last night leaving a show at the Troubadour with her very own doppelganger. But of course the Rossum would have a friend twin. My friend Lo had a weird anxiety attack about us both wearing our converse in London last week even though they were different colours. Full Story

See? I’m not the only one who finds her sugar sh-t repellent. Turns out the Rossum is annoying across different species. Even bears. Rossum attended the Wildlife Conservation Society Spring Gala in New York last night wearing, what else?, a white wedding dress and her sickly smile. NY MagazineFull Story

Zach Braff and Emmy Rossum both attended the Green event last night in New York. Want to Photo Assumption Braff’s face as he’s sitting beside her? I don’t want to be your friend, stop begging me. But f-ck is she desperate. It’s an environmental debate. Look at her footwear. Necessary? No. Full Story

F-CK! Hollywood rapes all good things. Emmy Rossum sugar rapes every good thing. And some assholes in Hollywood have decided to let Rossum rape Shameless. Yes. It’s an American version of the show for Showtime which will star William H Macy as the Gallagher patriarch and Emmy sodding Rossum as …FIONA. Full Story

How is doe-eyed sugar cheese rape mysterious? Mystery is about curiosity. But the Rossum… I don’t want to know it and I don’t want to smell it. Still… Emmy Rossum insists she’s all about the mystery. Like there are layers around her that we should unravel. What’s to expose? Underneath the saccharine exterior is a saccharine core. Full Story

Between these two. And while Emmy Rossum is a Why Is if there ever was a Why Is, Demi was an It at the beginning and continues to be now, if for no other reason than her seemingly eternal beauty. I spoke to Demi briefly at TIFF. I have seen this up close. Full Story

For Katy Perry. Page Six reports that on Friday night, Katy Petty was spotted at a bar making out with John Mayer. After the MVAs, she and Russell Brand were at a party and ended up going at it in a corner. It’s a like a douchebag buffet in her mouth. Full Story

Run, Robert, RUN. Today is Robert Pattinson’s birthday. I know this because my inbox has been pounded by his fans, some very polite, and some not so polite, “belligerating” me for not wishing him a Happy Birthday. I’ll let you enjoy that for a minute or two. My birthday, by the way, is September 26th. Full Story

It’s petty, sure. But again…this is a gossip column. Graciousness does not live here. What does live here is an aversion to Emmy Rossum. Which is why I am happy to bring you the following Fried Rice Moment: Her new film Dragonball Evolution, eviscerated by critics, opened in only 8th spot last weekend taking in a dismal $4. Full Story

A problem to solve. Or a problem with no answer? Please explain to me... Who or what is the target clientele for David Arquette’s new clothing line propr? It launched at Kitson last night. KITSON! Where random items are tossed in bins and sold for $500! So that’s his price point??? Just. Full Story

Rossum has a new movie coming out called Dragonball. Live action manga. It premiered yesterday in Japan. Rossum is far from the first star of the film. Not even the second. Maybe the third. But fourth would be most accurate. Heh. The way she’s dressed and posing however, you’d think she was the f-cking Julia Roberts of the Dragon Ball franchise. Full Story