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I left my blog directionless and have returned slightly more directionful (as much as a wandering tortoise can be).

I wanted my blog to be a “hodgepodge” of writings, about travel, food, writing, books, movies, observations and thoughts. I had big plans.

And, it wasn’t received so well. I guess I was trying to do too much.

I’ve decided that this is my writer’s blog. I’ll talk about my writing, things I’ve learned, my observations on story crafting from movies and books, and I would love to meet other writers too and learn from you all.

Since returning from vacation with my wife, I have had a burst of motivation, energy, enthusiasm and good vibes. I have felt that my dreams and goals are, in fact, attainable. The fear of not being able, or good enough, to handle unpredictable circumstances along the road to success and been a driving factor in my life.

Anxiety

This past week, I was ready to do it all. I was working Monday and Tuesday, and my wife and I had Wednesday off.

Tuesday night I couldn’t sleep. I was worried about the rest of my week. Wednesday I had to wake up for an oil change at 7 am. Then drive an hour and a half to see my family at, what is called the Hill Cumorah Pageant (Mormon alert!), then drive home arriving home at probably 11.

Thursday, I was working two hours overtime, then hanging out with a friend in the evening, while my wife hung out with her friend.

Friday, I was working more overtime, as was my wife and then we were hanging out with mutual friends that we’ve never gone out with before and then I wanted to go to the Magic the Gathering pre-release at midnight (nerd alert!). I’d get home at 4 am and then work from home at 8:30 am Saturday.

Continuing Saturday, I’d finish work at 5pm then head out to Hill Cumorah Pageant, again, with family this time.

Then, Sunday church service, bright and early at 8:15am (for meetings) and we probably wouldn’t get home until 2pm.

The tl;dr

I was stressed about all the stuff coming up in the week.

What happened

I wanted to do all these activities, the work and the play. I wanted to prove that I wasn’t afraid, that I was able to make my goals happen. And all those activities was what I wanted.

What I most feared was the unpredictable. What if something happened that I was inept, unable, too stupid and, most importantly, too socially awkward to overcome or handle.

I was freaking out though. I couldn’t sleep at all. My wife told me not to worry about the oil change, it’ll be fine until next week. I thought about it, weighed the pros and cons and relented. I felt better sleeping in.

The week did not go as planned. My dad was hospitalized with diverticulitis, but he’s okay, now. The hangout Friday was so fun that I missed the midnight pre-release. I won’t be going to church Sunday because my family needs help, with my dad sick and all.

And it’s okay! I still had fun, I wish I got the car oil changed but it’s not that big a deal.

It’s not that serious.

Unpredictable

I once heard, “a good plan is a plan that can change.” I like to plan but there are obstacles down the road that we can’t see until we start walking. We just have to trust ourselves, not listen to our irrational fears and embrace the unpredictable future.

Okay, his villian name is M.O.D.A.A.K., Mental Organism Designed as America’s King, but his face is the same and he’s building a wall between Mexico and the USA. So who do you think it is?
He makes an appearance in Spider-Gwen Annual #1. It came out June 28th and when I heard about it, I had to buy a copy.

So $3.75 later and after half an hour of reading here’s what I have.

Background: feel free to skip

For those of you wondering, Spider-Gwen is in another timeline of the Marvel Universe, where Gwen is bitten by the radioactive spider instead of Peter. The comic book is eccletic, jumping from one brief story to another, one about how Uncle Bill wasn’t shot, being saved by Gwen and another about the Koala Kommander.

Also, in this version of Earth, Earth 65, Steve Rogers was the artist behind the Captain America series. Samantha Wilson is Captain America and having read the comics, and recognizing them as her adventures confronts Steve.

Then comes Trump

Sam is perturbed about her life in a book and questions free will. While Steve is explaining how crazy the world is, but how fortunate the world is to have superheroes like herself, we see a Trump-like figure commanding “foreign filth” to build a wall between the USA and Mexico. As he says, “must make America-” Captain’s iconic shield bashes him in the forehead. Captain is there to stop, as Steve puts it, “enemies that look and think and act too much like the demons in my mirror.” As Captain hits more villains, Steve narrates, “this nation’s anger and greed and fear are still very real, Cap…but thank God, you are too.”

What do I think?

I think it’s funny. I mean, I’m not here to sway you to one candidate or not. I just think the idea of a Trump villain is hillarious.

Disagree with someone? Make them a villain in your story. It’s great!

Deeper than that though, at the beginning of this chapter, Captain America remembers how her father loved the bible. She rebelled and studied everything. She envies her father now because, “in the end it didn’t matter if dad’s beliefs were right or wrong. They gave him a world that makes sense.”

After Captain’s statement and how she starts fighting Trump and his minions, I think the story is about doing what you think is right. She envied her father’s stability in a world that is in a war of words, chaotic and insane, and, like her, all we can do is follow what we think is right.

I hate introductions. Dang it! That’s a bad way to start off. I should never say “hate.”

Let’s start over. I don’t like introductions. I’m really breaking all the rules with this intro. I’m using “I” and I’m using contractions…? My English teachers would be so diaappointed.

I just don’t like introductions. In an introduction you have grab the reader’s attention, “hook them,” and explain what is going to happen, without giving away everything, about what you will write. I know some teachers don’t read an entire essay because they can tell from the introduction whether the rest is good or not.

That’s a lot of pressure.

I feel like my first blog post is like the introduction to an essay. I have to write a good first post so you’ll keep reading. 🙂

I don’t like introductions because you have to start with nothing, with a blank page staring at you, penetrating your soul (well, maybe not that serious) and write something.

You have to write your first line, break the ice. All your ideas that used to make sense in your head now seem stupid when written upon the blank page. What makes a great line? I like the classics, “it was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” Or, “the clock struck thirteen.” Or, “it’s dangerous oh there, take this!”

What do I talk about? Whatever I write is a first impression and while we say, “never judge a book by its cover,” we also say, “you never get a second chance at a first impression.” We still judge based upon first impressions. We judge people, restaurants, companies, books, movies and so much more on first impressions.

What first impression am I giving with all this rambling??!!

You know, I don’t care! I’ve been so worried about my blog posts being perfect that I didn’t write. They don’t have to be perfect, there is no such thing as perfect.