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Saturday, January 5, 2013

Kagagahan at its finest!

UPDATE 1.06.2013 - I'm taking this back! He doesn't deserve any of this. When I wrote this though, it's exactly what I feel for him. Now, it's all different.

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I probably shocked you when I said that my heart was in very good condition until you came back. You seemed to be different. Or maybe I just really don't know you that much. Okay. I'm getting emotional while writing this one. It's because in 6 days, you're leaving and I haven't seen you yet. I don't even know if I will still get to talk to you again after I got you deleted in my Facebook account. Believe me, I have reasons. I just can't explain it in details. It's something I don't fully understand either. All I know is that if I still communicate with you while I feel this way, I couldn't be the good friend to you that I used to be. I also don't know when I will see you again. The last time we saw each other was 3 years ago. I know things have changed already.

Just so you know, I didn't expect myself to feel this way too. I didn't like it. Not because you're someone who shouldn't be admired or have a crush with but because I knew it's going to be complicated. And as expected, it is. Imagine, I even thought it could be destiny that after 3 long years, here we are in touch again. How silly can I possibly get. The idealistic in me thought of destiny. And I proved myself wrong. The first time I met you, you were in a relationship. When you came back, you were in a relationship although with a different girl. Just every time you come into my life, the situation isn't right. You're not in a relationship anymore but still, it doesn't change anything. It doesn't change a bit of the situation I am into and it's too hard.

Crap! I'm crying. Again. If you get to read this, it's not your fault. I'm just being so emotional and if I don't cry, I'd feel like my chest is gonna explode.

As silly as I can be, I wish we're together. If you will ask me why, I don't think I can give enough reasons. It's quite hard to explain in details what I saw in you, what I'd like us to do together and what I want to you to be when you're with me. But of course, these are just wishful thinking. I wish we could have breakfast together. I wish we could see the most beautiful places hand in hand. I wish I could be the one who can make you smile. I wish I could be the person you'll run to when you're happy, excited and even when you're sad. I wish I could be the person who will bring out the best in you and even the worst because I will gladly accept them. I wish I could the girl you'll be so excited to see and talk to. I wish I could be the person who will tell you are loved and appreciated for whoever and whatever you are. I wish I could be the person you have prayed for. I wish I could be the person who will make you believe again that true love exists and two people can stay in love forever even they are miles apart. I wish I could be the person who can make your hear skip a beat. I wish I could be the person who will tell you that things will be alright when life gets tough.