I’m back! It’s been a very long time since I posted and so much has changed.

3 years ago I started this blog fearing that I wasn’t going to get to be a mama because my periods seemed to be disappearing. I knew how much I wanted a child and so I decided to go the Single Mum By Choice route. I then found out I have a defective uterus and didn’t go ahead with those plans. I tried to accept that I would probably never have kids.

As 2018 draws close to the end, I am in totally new circumstances “life-wise”. I left the UK for Spain (no kids, no ties – right?), and I ended up meeting someone who has made be hopeful that all I had given up on could be possible. The long and short of it is that me and my partner (I’ll think of a nickname for him later) have decided that, even though it might be a long and somewhat difficult journey, we are going to try and become parents.

So.. I’m still a wannabe mama and as of last month we officially start trying to conceive (TTC). So this blog is being re-kindled and, while it will still be a TTC blog, it’s not going to be a SMBC blog anymore.

So…. after having disappeared from my blog for a few months, I actually have something to write about! It looks like my emotional rollercoaster wasn’t ready to come to a halt.

After being plagued by such a thin, unresponsive endometrium that the doctor even advised against spending the money to TTC and warned against a very high risk pregnancy… miraculously my periods appear to have “come back” in August and September.

After some soul searching following last week’s bad news I’ve decided I’m not going to try to get pregnant. It’s with a heavy heart that I have taken the decision that I don’t think I can put myself into the position where I could knowingly face the disappointment of constant failures of IUI cycles, the anxiety of a very high risk pregnancy, or the trauma of losses (esp if these were “late”).

These things could happen to anyone (and I know they have happened for many of you in this group), but I feel like it’s one thing having to cope with an unexpected tragedy and another to deliberately put yourself into that situation. Psychologically I don’t think I’d cope well.Continue reading →

I spoke to the doctor and while he hasn’t said not to try to conceive; he has said that with my unresponsive uterine lining the chances of conception (implantation) are very low AND on top of that the risks of miscarriage/preterm delivery/Intrauterine Growth Restriction are high. I’m not worried about chances of conception being low; I’m concerned about the risks to the pregnancy and the child, and whether I can knowingly put myself into that condition and cope with the associated stress/emotional consequences.