HEART BREAK KODAK (Kodak Black)

Really, whoever-writes-Apple-Music’s-descriptions?!?! Heart Break Kodak features the same droning, sluggish autotune that Kodak Black’s been dumping out for ages; bump and grind it doesn’t.

I like to call it auto-crooning, which makes others swoon but turns me into a frustrated loon (though his lullaby-esque rhyming is clearly contagious). In this regard, I’d call him — using my new favorite derogatory formulation — Post Malone-lite, but he’s so vastly inferior that it feels like a slight to the master auto-crooner.

Also, whoever-writes-Apple-Music’s-descriptions, I guess the album’s technically “Valentine’s Day-themed” in that it came out on V-Day (otherwise known as D-Day in the Strauss household), but just because the songs are about love doesn’t make them “V-Day-themed”! Don’t perpetuate that cheap marketing gimmick!

Also also, the fact that a majority of this review is a response to whoever-writes-Apple-Music’s-descriptions instead of the actual art tells you all you need to know about how little there is to respond to here.