Vice – Yet as tasty as they are, in the eyes of many Tanzanians, none of these traditional favorites really hit the spot as much as other national dishes: ones made from the hair, blood, and bones of people with albinism. Traditional healers and witch doctors have long considered the body parts of people with albinism as being essential to their magical recipes. These practitioners of muti—or “medicine murder”—believe that their recipes heal the sick and bestow El Dorado-like fortunes on the poor. Men with HIV and AIDS have been known to abduct young albino girls, in the belief that raping them might help cure their afflictions. Fishermen often pay hunters for their human wares, believing an albino limb or two might jazz up their fishing nets and attract better catches. Over 71 people with albinism have been murdered in Tanzania since 2006. This month, a seven-year-old boy was maimed on his way home from school, attacked by several men who decided they liked the look of his arm.

As wrong as it sounds — none of us actually know for sure whether or not these witch doctors are right. To my knowledge none of us have experience as a Tanzanian cannibal fishermen nor have any of us dined on the pale flesh of an African albino before going out for the morning’s catch. Not saying I personally condone eating other humans to gain their strength, just saying this probably needs a bit more research before we make any final conclusions. Who knows? Five years from now doctors could be telling us to rub albino blood on our junk to keep the AIDS away.

Gotta wonder too if ever regular-ass white people get kidnapped and eaten by someone mistaking them for an albino. No doubt it’s terrifying out there as a Caucasian knowing folks with pale skin are getting boned and de-boned because of some witchcraft mum-jumbo. Hell, as a light skinned black guy I won’t be caught dead anywhere near Tanzania now, and I don’t even have freaky nappy-blonde albino hair. Ain’t gonna be tying my severed kneecaps to your fishnet for good luck. Fuck THAT.

Quick: would you rather be morbidly obese or an albino?
Vote 1 for Morbidly Superfat and 10 for UV Rays = Death. (109 votes, average: 7.88 out of 10)