Inspired by Mother of Many in Woodbury‘s story of her daughter J’s meandering beagles (BB, 7/24/2011-3/8, Jack and Wilson, here’s JaDy (“now in Texas”): “My roommates and I had a beagle-mix dog that also took every opportunity to dash out the door and run the neighborhood.

“She was impossible to catch on foot, so we got the idea to get the car, drive up near her and call out the window: ‘Do you want to go for a ride?’ Just open the door, and the dog happily jumped in.

“The only ride she got was directly back to the house.

“She fell for it every time.”

Not exactly what she had in mind

Anne Nonny Mouse: “My family has always vacationed in Hayward, Wisconsin, at a little resort called Shady Bay (which, sadly, is in existence no more). We loved the rustic little cabins and roughing it; no fancy hotels for us. If it had a fire pit and a beach, we were happy, and, oh yes, it had to have a fully functioning indoor bathroom. It was the kind of vacation where you were out living life and not worrying about housekeeping. You just did the dishes and occasionally swept out all the sand the kids brought in from the beach, and you were off for a day of fishing or swimming or anything else in the great outdoors. Everyone was in and out at different times, and sometimes you’d just grab something to eat whenever you felt like meandering back to the cabin.

“One day, I made myself a sandwich out of some cheese out of the fridge. Delicious WISCONSIN cheese, our favorite kind, from the Hayward deli.

“Took a bite, and it was crunchy. What is wrong with this cheese? Took another bite. Boy, this cheese is awful!

“My girls were sitting at the table with me. ‘Did you two eat any of this cheese? It’s just awful.’ (They shook their heads no.)

“I took another bite, and the cheese was even crunchier. I peeled back the bread for a closer look at it, and it was covered in fine, white sand. WHAT THE HECK?! THIS CHEESE IS COVERED WITH SAND!

“Then my daughter fessed up that she had opened the package of cheese, and the entire thing had fallen on the floor (where life had been lived to the fullest all week, and who knows what had scampered across it). She was a little concerned about wasting an entire package of cheese freshly purchased from the deli, so she’d brushed it off and returned it to the fridge. Supposedly it was good to go for the rest of us.

“My daughter gave a whole new meaning to a SANDwich for me.”

Our birds, ourselves

Ask Al B Division

Walt of Wayzata: “We have a question for Al B of Hartland.

“This morning, we were watching two adult chickadees sitting in our crabapple tree. They were feeding three juveniles who were fat, dumb and happy (actually, they seemed bigger than the parents), and the way they were feeding them was to peck at the actual leaves of the tree; they weren’t picking off the little budding crabapples. Then they would stick whatever they were getting off the leaves into the juvenile birds’ mouths. We can see no evidence of insects or aphids or whatever on those leaves. And we were just curious: What is it that they’re getting, to feed the juveniles?”

BULLETIN BOARD SAYS: We shipped Walt and company’s curiosity to our Official Ornithologist, Al B of Hartland, who’s told us all, you remember, that the chickadee is his favorite bird: “Dear Walt of Wayzata,

“Chickadees eat many tiny insects that they find in tree bark. They also snap up crawling insects from leaves and inside weeds and grasses. In winter, black-capped chickadees eat about half seeds, berries, and other plant matter, and half animal food (insects, spiders, suet, and sometimes fat and meat from frozen carcasses). In spring, summer, and fall, insects, spiders, and other animal food make up 80 to 90 percent of their diet. At feeders, chickadees take mostly sunflower seeds, peanuts, suet, peanut butter, and mealworms.

“So what were your wonderful birds feeding their young? It could have been insects, larvae, and eggs that it had devoured before you had a chance to investigate. It could have been some flying insects that flew instead of being eaten. Or, in the hot weather we’ve been having, it could have been that the parents were feeding dewdrops or raindrops to thirsty babies.

“Chickadees are such interesting birds. Every autumn, black-capped chickadees allow brain neurons containing old information to die, replacing them with new neurons so they can adapt to changes in their social flocks and environment even with their tiny brains.

“It would be good if we could do that. Then we would all remember how to drive when winter hits.

“Thanks for looking at the birds.”

Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon?

Patty-Cakes of Inver Grove Heights: “Earlier this afternoon, I received an email with a bunch of questions. (You’re supposedly Older Than Dirt if you can answer them all.)

“One of the questions was: ‘What method did women use to look as if they were wearing stockings when none were available due to rationing during WW-II? A. Suntan. B. Leg painting. C. Wearing slacks.’

“I answered B, because it made the most sense, not because I knew, having been born after WW II. The answer was: ‘B. Special makeup was applied, followed by drawing a seam down the back of the leg with eyebrow pencil.’

“Later in the afternoon, when the rain drove me inside, I picked up ‘P is for Peril’ by Sue Grafton. On Page 137, I read the following: ‘I watched her legs flashing in front of me as she mounted the steps. She wore stockings with seams. With her affinity for the ’40s, I was surprised she didn’t draw a line down the back of each bare leg the way women did during World War II rationing.’

“As soon as I read it, a light went on. My first B-M?”

BULLETIN BOARD RULES: A B-M, for certain. Only you can say if it’s your first!

What’s in a name?

Commercial Division

Blondie of Blaine: “I noticed a pickup truck parked outside my place of employment (a hospital, no less) with the name THREE FINGERS SAWMILL in big letters on each side. I’m curious as to how the company got its name; maybe it says it all right there.”

Pranks for the memories

Nana of the North: “I had a customer who told me the funniest story about a group of guys who went hunting:

“One of the guys did all of the cooking, and was great at it. But the bragging about how good he was drove the other guys nuts. So on their next hunting trip, they thought they’d take care of that.

“The guy who cooked always brought his smoker and would make all kinds of roasts and turkeys in it. On this trip, he had told all of them he was going to smoke a turkey. He was going to marinate it in Coke and brown sugar for a few days before they left.

“One of the guys had a bright idea: He had his wife buy a Cornish game hen to bring along on the trip. The cook put the turkey in the smoker; it was going to take the whole night to smoke it. After the cook went to bed in his camper, the guy with the Cornish game hen sneaked out to the smoker and switched the turkey with the little game hen. He had also brought his smoker and hid it in the woods, to smoke the ‘real turkey.’

“The cook went out in the middle of the night to put more charcoal in the smoker, and because it was so dark, he didn’t look at the turkey.

“The next day, everyone was complaining about the horrible smell of something burning. The cook quickly went to the smoker. He took off the lid, and there was this little burned-up Cornish game hen. Everyone just busted out laughing, and the real turkey was cooked to perfection.

“The cook never bragged again, and always looked at the food he was smoking – no matter how dark it was outside.”

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