Saturday, 5 December 2015

This is my favourite time of the year. I
celebrated my birthday last month with some really precious people in my
life. The whole day spent at the majestic Taj amidst lakhs of tourists,
jostling with the crowd and finding a vacant spot to pose for pics. Well, this
birthday was special in a lot of ways…never have I been treated with so much
affection and love on my birthday (lol) and yes, hopefully this will be my last
birthday as a single woman coz I tie the knot next year. This year had been
amazing and I had varied experience from hitting rock bottom, to feeling
heartbroken and vulnerable, to being loved unconditionally, to finally
accepting the fact that in parting do we know the depth of love and friendship
and yes, finally making the right decision in matters of the heart, putting an
end to all the self-created miseries that slowly burnt me away and learning to
let go of things that wasn’t meant to be, and yes, believing in love again. How
lucky I am to have these mighty hearts that love me unconditionally!! Isn’t it
a blessing to realise that there is always that one person who will stand by
you even if everyone else have left? I feel blessed and my heart is smiling coz
I have these incredible people in my life who never let me down. I am special,
yes, may be more because I am chosen to be loved by them inspite of all my
flaws. And I am thankful and I swear to make a difference in the lives of
people around me and make them feel as blessed as me.

Saturday, 7 March 2015

I have never really
liked the idea of keeping a separate day for women. This is just another
reminder that man and woman are not equal and that as long as women continue to
feel special on such days there is so much left to be done. It amazes me as to
why there is a need for women to seek equality with man. Are we in some kind of
competition with man? I guess not. So why do women always feel the pressure to
be equal to man...can’t we just pursue excellence? But having cited my opinion,
I do realize that there is still a long long long way to go before we stop keeping
aside a special day for women…coz for now…there is a need to ensure safety of
women and to enjoy her basic rights as a human all across the globe.

I watched the BBC
documentary India’s daughter – a must watch for every citizen of this country.
I have shared in my facebook page and so did many users but the Govt. have been
blocking URLs and sweeping the dirt of our society under the carpet. The Govt.
is supposedly running out of ideas to impose ban…the ridiculous beef ban,
censoring use of word “lesbian” in movie, banning the movie “50 shades of
Grey” (So those who didn’t intend to
watch the movie earlier are downloading it from torrent and watching it! I have read the book anyway), now
the documentary is banned. What is with the ostrich mindset of our authorities!
Keep your head covered under sand and you think the problem is not there? This
is the truth. The sooner we face it, the better. A few months ago, I watched the interview of an actress who talked about the plight of women in India…the
dowry deaths, child marriages during her visit abroad and she was slammed by a reporter here in
India who accused her of degrading the name of the nation. She proved her point
and stated that it is happening…she only said the truth and said that she can’t
be a hypocrite and pretend as if all these social evils do not exist. It is a
shame that in an attempt to protect the image of the country, the society is
degrading day by day. Child Sex Ratio declined from 945 in 1991 to 927 in 2001
to 918 in 2011 (Census Report).

The documentary only
shows the obvious sorry state of affairs of the country. Should we feel sorry
for the old parents of the rapist who committed suicide? Or should we be
shocked at the statement of the wife of the rapist who still can’t believe that
her husband will do such an act and even told that if her husband is hanged she
has no choice but to kill her son as well as she has no means of survival. The
problem is much deeper. In this deeply maligned patriarchal society of ours,
woman is subjected to all forms of abuse – physical, emotional, verbal and
sexual abuse. I am sure every woman in India has faced atleast one form of
abuse. If not abused, there is always this fear...of not feeling safe.

Recently, an office colleague
of mine in his early 50s offered to help me get a better position and asked
what I would give him if I get selected. Out of courtesy, I replied whatever
you want, Sir. He had worked in the North East for some years and I thought he
would have wanted something ethnic from my native place. All this while, I have
considered him a father figure and was being polite and it all went down the
drain when he said “I want you.” Yes, he said “I want you” 3-4 times. So naïve
I was that the first time he told me that, I still thought maybe he was
referring to my personality…but when he repeated it I was too shocked to react.
Later, it dawned on me...his intentions…and no matter how much my friends are
supportive of me, I feel guilty. Have I ever given a wrong signal to him? How
could he garner the courage to speak like that to me? Why me? Am I too shallow
or cheap? Is it the way I dress or that I smile and greet my seniors? I know
the fault is not in me. And no, I am not going to play the “North East”
card…that coz I am from North East, he thought I am easy. NO. If not me, it
would have been some other girl…and who knows how she would have handled. One
thing is for sure, nothing is worth it…job, money….nothing is worth such
humiliation. So while I deal with this pervert and seek to teach him a lesson
soon enough I feel for the millions of woman who have been harassed at homes
and at work…whose voices have been silenced. The whole episode keeps repeating
in my mind and every time it angers me for I did not give an apt reply that
would shut him up. I am lucky that I have close friends whom I can confide to
who have gone through the same ordeal. It is a disgrace…how many women must be
facing the same emotional turmoil with no one to talk to. So where should the change begin? Educated
fools like the pervert in my office and those shitty lawyers who defend the
rapists are grim reminders of how failed the education system is.

Such a fake democracy
we have! The statement by our political leaders that the mob lynching of alleged rapists at Dimapur will be dealt with appropriately, made me laugh. Why don’t
these morons realize that the public has lost faith in the judicial system and
therefore, has taken the law in their own hands. I have never supported mob lynching but it is
better to castrate the rapists and kill them in public rather than see them
undergo trials and let imprudent lawyers blame the victim and the trial would
go on forever. Social media is filled with comments supporting the mob
lynching...such is the frustration of the masses….the plight of women.

I live in the Rape
Capital of India. I live in fear. I try to reach home before dark and dress
sensibly. And so do many women I know. We live in fear. We do not mind jostling
in the ladies’ coach of the metro rather than enjoying some space in the other
coaches where men travel. I do not say that all men are the same. Chivalry is
not dead. But I cannot risk it. For, someday if I complain of being touched
inappropriately, people will blame me for not travelling in the ladies’ coach.
This is India and it’s better to be safe than sorry.

And I know that as long
as I reach home early coz I feel unsafe to reach after dark and not out of my
choice there is a need for International Women’s Day.

Sunday, 1 February 2015

The noisy honks and sound of engines engulfed the air. It
was getting dark and the moon shone brightly as ever. It must have been the
night of the full moon. And there we were, walking in the sidewalks of the busy
road hands deep inside our jacket to thwart off the cold. The cold crispy
December breeze left a few hairs stranded on my face and I was frantically
trying to keep them in place by merely shaking my head coz I did not wanted to
take out my hands. Every time we had to cross the road he would grab my hand
and bring me closer to him only to let go when we crossed the busy street. We
had decided to walk back home. And we still had a few miles to walk.

We didn’t know the directions and kept asking around. The
side walk was made of concrete and was a bit elevated from the ground. On the
right was a fence, and on the left there were short trees that grew at almost
equal distance. The road is just next to the line of trees where the vehicles
passed by without even having a glance of the pedestrians. As I walked along, I
looked up and saw the moon shining brightly amidst the regular flutter of the
leaves. It was so serene, so peaceful. We never stopped talking, we laughed and
made fun of each other. He kept pushing me down from the side walk - to the
ground in one swift motion without even taking out his hands from the jacket , and
I kept falling no matter how much I tried not to. When I tried to push him
down, he always managed to get hold of himself. He would stand so firmly that I
could not even mange to move him slightly. And he would knock me down so easily
just with a gentle push. You see the rule was that both the feet should fall on
the ground and not be at the sidewalk…if one feet is still there, its not
counted. We laughed so much, my stomach hurted. I told him to stop coz I was on
the losing side. He stopped and we started walking again. And then again, I
tried to catch him unaware and push him down but he would stand still
immediately and I cant even move him. And he laughed and said “Baby, I am too
good at this. You can't win by cheating”. I scoffed and after sometime he willingly let me win. We walked
our way laughing in that cold night under the moon, the winter wind playing
with us and I knew it would take me forever to forget this moment.

Tuesday, 27 January 2015

Yesterday India celebrated her 66th Republic day
with US President Barck Obama gracing the event. I have always felt patriotic
on days like Republic Day and Independence Day since my childhood just like
many millions of Indians. I used to be glued to our TV set watching Republic
day parades and of course waiting patiently for the troops of Manipur. Back at
home, kids must be watching it more because Republic day is not only a holiday
but a general strike and parents would keep their wards off the streets into
the safety of their homes for fear of bomb blasts and gun fires. Yes, never
have there been a Republic Day or Independence Day in Manipur with the familiar
news of gun fire, ambush or bandhs….it is just so pathetically predictable. Seriously
for what? What do you seek? Independence? Are you f***ing kidding me? This year
was no different. With reports of bomb blasts in and around Imphal and outfits
proudly claiming it as their doing, the tradition is complete…deserted streets
and fear! How can violence and fear be an answer to anything? Blame it on AFSPA,
blame it on the Government, blame it on Delhi and every other person around…the
system but that’s the way it goes! That’s the way things work at Manipur…lobbying,
corruption, power and wealth.

I went home for two weeks early this year. My mind freshened;
I got to breathe clean air, saw the blue skies, the starry nights, the winds
playing with my curtain…so unlike the chaos of Delhi…and I also saw the
corruption that went rampant. I was caught for not carrying wearing helmet and
the traffic police asked the profession of my father. Such is the sorry state
of affairs! Ours is a state based on lies and hypocrisy…you think this will
last for long? And when I question about the functioning and the way things
work, they say what do you know...you have never stayed here for long. Well,
who cares?

I know ten years from now, things will change. The winds of
change are finally here. It will take time but surely and steadily hope will
remain. We need a generation who believes in this change. And yes, just like a
good friend of mine suggested when we discussed about the needs of a good
leader in our turmoil torn state that what we really need is not a good leader
but a group who can make good leaders, some team who can imbibe the values of a
good leader and back him/her with the people. Enough of all the bickering and
politics, we need people who can sit together, bring forth ideas and talk and
compromise and know his/her stand and that of others. I know deep down everyone
is fed up of the violence and the anarchy that have become the image of our
state. And yes, I am patriotic, I know my roots so I care. And I know many of
my contemporaries care…and they are not okay with living life this way. And I know,
they are tired of living away from home and want to come back and that no
matter how tainted it is, we still long to be home. My voice will dwindle away for
now but soon enough many thoughts like mine will surface up and there will be
no turning around. And what will remain
will be peace and excellence….a new identity for us…an identity synonymous with
truth and tolerance and development as a society whose realms are based on
truth will only rise stronger!!