ANTM6 Ep. 11 Recap: The Girl Who Will Phuket All Up

All right, so I went with the obvious bad pun for the title, but it’s so easy to do in Thailand! With places named Phuket and Bangkok, you have to admit that a lot of things sound unintentionally dirty in Thai (if you’re not from Thailand, that is—I’m sure all the locals are confused as to why tourists are giggling at the signposts). Come on now, though, tell me you’re not suppressing a giggle when you’re at your favorite Thai restaurant and see Pad Prik King or Kreema Sum Yun Gai on the menu. Okay, that last one is a made up name, but there is such a thing as Tom Yum Gai which is not naughty at all, but a deeelicious chicken soup. Damn it, now I’m hungry for Thai food, but I digress.

My Fair Ladies

My my, someone in post-production certainly felt creative this week. Dig the fancy special effects in the clips from the last elimination, dude! Either someone mixed red in with the sepia tone, or…I’m having an acid flashback. Speaking of people trippin’ out over flashbacks, Jade can’t believe she was in the bottom two yet again. With typical obliviousness, she also wonders why people have such negative perceptions of her, without ever once looking at herself and evaluating how—oh, I dunno—she might be in some way responsible for this herself. Of course not! Nothing is ever Jade’s fault. Why, she’d be right at home in the Bush administration!

Chillin’ in the pool are Danielle and Sara, who each have their own concerns. Danielle is troubled by the constant criticism she gets for her speech. “I’m a Southern country girl,” Danielle drawls, “So it is hard for me to break the accent, but I’m trying my best.” I still don’t know how the panel thinks they can get someone who’s talked a certain way their entire life to magically change overnight—even Eliza Doolittle had a little help from Dr. Higgins. Wouldn’t it be loverly if the producers at least provided Danielle with some kind of dialect coach/speech therapist? Seriously, they get training for nearly everything else.

Sara still can’t seem to shrug off the mantle of Mall Girl. No one will let her, particularly Joanie, who thinks, “She’s beautiful, but I can see it and feel it that this really isn’t her real passion in life; and it is for myself, for Danielle, and for Jade.” Sara is frustrated with this notion as it implies that she doesn’t deserve to be there, and won’t put in the effort the competition deserves. “I want it just as much as everyone else and whether or not they believe that is up to them,” she says simply.

Alice in Blunder Land

“Don’t worry about how, just know why,” TyraMail says, “Go see if you learned anything.” Sara immediately decodes the message, figuring that it’s time for their go-sees—wow, she is the smart one in the house! As we all know by now, go-sees are basically the model’s version of a job interview, and they’re the bread and butter of the industry.

The girls are brought to a breathtaking temple, where a delicate Thai woman kneeling on a mat salutes them with a gentle wai. This is former model-turned-designer Pichita Rucksajit, gives the girls a quick lesson on traditional Thai customs. For one, it is important you take off your shoes before entry into someone’s home or establishment. Secondly, it would behoove you to keep a smile on your face, which Pichita says will help endear you to people wherever you go. After all, Thailand is known as the “Country of Smiles.” Joanie takes careful heed of Pichita’s cultural notes, but isn’t sure anyone else is taking it as seriously.

Pichita then announces that for today’s challenge she has set up go-sees for them, during which they will be judged on the following criteria: 1) their adherence to Thai social customs, 2) their general appearance, 3) their modeling portfolios (a.k.a. “book”), and 4) their runway walk. Pichita also mentions that it is customary to bring people gifts, and then gives each girl 2500 baht ($65 US) to purchase some little doodads for their go-sees. She also gives them their portfolios and maps, and informs they need to be back to the hotel by 4:30, and wishes them good luck. “Don’t be late,” Pichita stresses.

First stop for the girls is Montien Market to do a little gift shopping. Looks like Jade is buying flowers. Danielle gets miniature elephants, remembering the significance of the elephant in Thailand (see, Joanie, someone other than you has been paying attention). Sara, because she appears gigantic next the petite Thai saleslady and the two are surrounded by little statues and figurines, resembles a big Blondezilla about to attack a poor, little, Asian townsperson. As she leaves, Sara realizes something: “Oh my God, I’m an idiot. Where is my book?” Frantic, she returns to the stall where she made her purchase and thankfully finds the book there, and reclaims it before rushing off (and before the Thai saleslady has a chance to nab it and put it up for auction on eBay).

From the market, the girls head off to their go-sees in the glamorous, uniquely Thai mode of transport known as a tuk-tuk. These are, as Sara describes, “miniature cabs, but they’re all open on the sides.” Jade is not feeling the tuk-tuk (which she pronounces, in true Jade style, about 80 different ways) because she would prefer having windows and doors, and probably air conditioning, since the food’s not the only thing hot in Thailand.

Sara is nervous because she has never been on a go-see before in her life. Danielle is worried because she is not good with maps or directions, and “I have a feeling I’m going to look up and see a sign that says ‘Welcome to Korea.’” She’s got the same navigational skills I do! Before long, they are off, “Amazing Race” style—speaking of which, why do Americans always clap and say “Fast fast” to cab drivers in other countries? Thankfully, no one ends up in Korea.

We see Sara arrive first, to an open-air location to meet Rai Von Bueren, designer for Sexy Little Beach (okay, looks like Thai people are aware of their dirty puns). She remembers to kick off her flip flops before sitting down, and Rai likes her gift (a small gilded urn), and says Sara did a good job picking a “Thai gift for a Thai person.” Rai returns the favor by remarking, “Twenty two’s kind of old to start out [modeling] isn’t it?” Yeesh, a simple Thank You would have sufficed. Rai also finds Sara “too stiff” and “too tall.”

The challenge today is all about managing your time, according to Joanie. She carefully takes her shoes off before entering Boudoir and meeting creative director Disaya Prakobsantisukh (Oh my God, that name is so long, I think I just typed myself into next week). Disaya tells Joanie that the theme for their current collection is “Alice in Wonderland,” in particular, the tea party scene. Joanie dons a gigantic fish head and walks for Disaya—I really don’t recall sea creatures in lingerie in Lewis Carroll’s book, but I guess this is their “fashion interpretation.”

Joanie actually likes the big masks (more like the head on a mascot costume) because it conceals the face. When Jade walks in during Joanie’s walk, I imagine the sour look Joanie must be hiding behind her placid fish head—perhaps she even threw up a little in there (pity for the next model who wears it). After Sara’s biting of her elephant poses last week, Joanie is preoccupied with people copying her, and she voices the concern that if Jade sees how well she’s doing, she might do the same. Paranoia, paranoia, everybody’s coming to get me!

“I don’t think Joanie has a lingerie body at all,” Jade carps (pun intended) at her fishy foe, but “I think I do.” Jade puts on what looks like a chipmunk head, and prances around in a tiny outfit like an extra from a Goldfrapp video who accidentally wandered off the set. No matter how rockin’ her body might me, Disaya docks Jade points for not smiling much, adding, “She looked a bit moody to me.” Where oh where do these people get these crazy perceptions of Jade? [points sneakily to Jade]

Danielle walks into Tube to meet director Yui Jongnarangsin, who has to ask her if she could take off her shoes instead of tromping street dirt all over his good clean floor—I’m sorry, I was channeling my grandmother for a moment there. Danielle seems embarrassed that her first go-see has to tell her to take her shoes off. Yui seems to like her portfolio, though, and Danielle says, “At least my Southern accent does not offend my go-sees.”

Time keeps rolling on. Sara has trouble doing the “gentle” walk Yui wants. Jade, with her usual good timing, comes to Tube just in time to snipe on “Sara’s tall ass.” Her opinion is “I don’t know that she really impressed the designer because she seemed a bit tense,” and in the shop she laughs and actually mocks Sara’s walk (either that or the editors inserted a shot of her dancing like Rerun from “What’s Happening”). Sara finds Jade’s behavior “intimidating,” proving that the schoolyard bully technique can work outside of elementary school. Jade then does her thing; she feels she’s doing well and is having a good time.

With only 45 minutes left, it’s crunch time. The heat and humidity is not helping Danielle much, who asks, “Do you know what that does to a black girl’s head?” Rai really likes Danielle, finds her beautiful and appreciates her attitude. With 21 minutes remaining, Danielle goes back to her tuk-tuk and tells the driver to get her back to the hotel fast. “Do not pass go, do not collect $200,” Danielle says, probably confusing the poor little old guy who might be wondering if he’s not getting paid by the loud American.

With less than 20 minutes, Joanie thinks she has plenty of time to get back. HAHAHAHAHA! May I introduce you all to Thai traffic? Even the 405 freeway at 5pm on a Friday has nothing on this parking lot. The clock runs out while all the girls sit helplessly in their tuk-tuks. They probably could have gotten out and walked faster than the tuk-tuk was driving…in fact, why didn’t anyone think of simply getting out and walking to the hotel? Or maybe asking one of the many people on mopeds for a lift?

The first girls to arrive back are Sara and Joanie. No amount of smiles or bowing can erase the extreme look of displeasure on Pichita’s face, who informs them that they are 15 minutes late. They won’t begin until all the girls are present, so Sara and Joanie sit tensely on the couch, like kids waiting outside the Principal’s office. Time ticks on, until at 5:05 (35 minutes late), Danielle walks in, apologetic. Pichita says they have one more girl to wait for, and that’s Jade, who seems to feel it’s more important for her to meet all the designers than be on time for Pichita. She meets with Kai Kawtong for one more go-see while everyone waits with increasing fear.

One hour and ten minutes late, Jade strolls in, attempting to keep low-profile and inconspicuous behind her big sunglasses, as if she thinks NO ONE WILL NOTICE HOW LATE I AM BEHIND MY MAGIC SHADES! (Can I borrow those for work, sometime, Jade?) Jade can sense the other girls’ anger at her, but she’s not sorry, declaring later, “Bitches, please, okay? Relax yourselves.”

Pichita informs everyone that they are all late, reminding them that “time is very important for this profession.” She also adds, menacingly, “Did you know all the designers are my friends?” Ooooh, and what did they have to say in the slam book they passed around class? Sara: stiff. Danielle: strong walk, general appearance not (Danielle’s response later: “You try traveling around in a tuk-tuk, with no doors, humid outside and hot, and see how your appearance looks at the end of the day.”). Jade: good look, but “not as nice as the other girls” (Joanie must not be the only one catching a whiff of bitch). Joanie: didn’t stand out.

Pichita then gestures to 2 big racks in the room, filled with gorgeous clothing from all of the go-see designers and even Pichita herself. Whoever won “would have” gotten all of it, but the unhappy ending to this tale is that because everyone was late, Pichita must “send all the clothes back to the designers.” Pichita then reveals that the winner, had she been on time, would have been Danielle. Danielle looks truly pained. “Shut up, please punch me in the face,” she says as she peruses the racks; after all, these are beautiful couture creations and not crappy ass Sears rags.

Just Phuket

Back in their suite, TyraMail asks, “Does this competition ever get so difficult that you want to say ‘Phuket?’” Danielle clarifies, “It’s not pronounced the “F-word,” it’s poo-ket.” But hey, if you have trouble pronouncing it, don’t worry, do what I do, and just say “Phuket!” Sara looks up the province in her Thailand book, and announces that it is known for “diving and snorkeling” which is cause enough for the girls to break out in an enormous Happy Dance. “It’s the best tropical location ever,” Joanie gushes, comparing it to Miami Beach and Rio de Janeiro. At the airport, Danielle feels like a “kid on Christmas.” Even the normally jaded Jade is unjaded: “Oh my God, we’re going to paradise,” she says, smiling.

For at least a little while, all the stress of the competition disappears as the girls become acquainted with their new locale. The villa they’ll be staying at is “gorgeous,” and just steps from the ocean (why do I feel like a travel brochure writer?). Danielle says it’s the most beautiful place she’s ever been, and she doesn’t ever want to leave.

“It’s crazy for me to realize that I am in the final four,” Sara says. Joanie agrees, but not in a good way. “I feel like very, very annoyed with Sara,” Joanie says vehemently, “I really feel like this isn’t her first choice, this isn’t her passion.” When Sara leaves the room, Joanie remarks rather bitterly to Danielle about how close Sara was to being a lawyer, and “if she hadn’t been picked out in a mall, she wouldn’t be here.” Joanie adds, “I feel like a bitch, but…this is what it comes down to, this is competing for something you’re going to be living with the rest of your life.” Whoa, wait a minute, what set off this crazy tyrade? Did I miss something? When they extracted Joanie’s Jewel Kilcher teeth, did they also remove her niceness?

Danielle wisely tells her friend, “I can’t focus on her situation, I gotta do me. Brush off and keep going.” If this alone doesn’t get Danielle CoverGirl of the Week for this episode, I don’t know what else would. Joanie does admit that her beef with Sara has been recently inflamed by this fact: “She copies off of me,” Joanie whispers, after carefully looking around to make sure Sara’s out of earshot. Hello, sepia flashback to Sara’s dimestore version of Joanie’s elephant leg pose. “I’m gonna start doing things wrong on purpose,” Joanie jokes. At least, I think she was joking. “I don’t feel like she should be here anymore,” Joanie says. How can you say that after all you’ve shared together? Like the Chip and Pepper shirt?

TyraMail: Coconut Edition says, “The competition is getting dirty. Now it’s time to take a bath.” Bright and early the next day, Tyra Banks herself greets the girls, relaxed and glowing after a nice night at the villa. Joanie and Danielle have birds of paradise flowers tucked in their ears, about which Tyra inquires, “Just cute on your own, just for no reason?” Of course, Tyra; don’t you always lay in bed in Victoria’s Secret lingerie and a full face of makeup at night, like in the clips from past cycles? The same way that as I type this recap, I am in a Dolce & Gabbana bustier and Jimmy Choo heels (and most certainly not wearing lounge pants and an old concert t-shirt I’ve had since junior high).

Tyra brings a serious message with her, however; she points out that although this place they’re in is paradise, on December 26, 2004, a tsunami devastated the region, killing nearly 6000 people. Danielle is saddened by the thought of people losing their loved ones, it even reads on her face; Jade says she’s touched but is a “soldier” so she held it together. Tyra says that as models, they will travel to the most beautiful places in the world, but they must remember: every place has a history and a culture they must respect.

After thoroughly bumming everyone out, Tyra then says, “It’s not about being sad today.” Thanks, Tyra, I had just made plans to drown myself in the ocean, let me cross that off my to-do list. She says they must celebrate the rebuilt province, again safe and beautiful. Yes, let’s celebrate by stripping the girls of their clothes and getting’ em in bikinis! A fitting tribute! Huzzah! After a moment of silence for all the people affected by the tsunami, they hug, and Tyra is out the door.

Thoughts of the tsunami take the girls outside of themselves for a moment. Danielle tears up. Jade contemplates the brevity of life (although in her case, she might say, “the briefnicity of existitude”). Even Joanie admits that all the troubles they worried over seemed suddenly insignificant, “It did kind of make all those things just kind of disappear for a minute.”

Bikini (Takes) Atoll

The show must go on, and so they head out to the beach, where Jay Manuel meets them with his skirt a flappin’ in the wind. Girrrl, you are so wrong for that sarong! He tells them that for today’s shoot, they will pose in OP Swimwear for ElleGirl and Amp’d Mobile. Surpise! The actual clients are here, and the photos will be a real spread in the magazine. “Shut your mouth and say it ain’t so!” Danielle hollers with country passion. “It is so!” Jay yells, before a really, really crappy dub adds that you can download these pictures to your cell phone. Can’t they work their promotional shill in with more subtlety? He introduces them to the clients, Christie Bayle (promotions director for ElleGirl) and Eric Crane (creative director for OP swimwear). The girls get prettied up and in their bikinis. Danielle looks serious as she steps out into the ocean, and says she was thinking about how this same water was so destructive just a year ago.

Last but not least, Jay introduces their photographer, the fine ass Nigel Barker, who really should take his shirt off when he shoots them simply, you know, to support the girls, and demonstrate how it’s done—not for any prurient audience member reason, heh heh. “I’m going to take no prisoners today,” he says cheekily. Pity, I’m sure more than a few people would have willingly been taken as Nigel’s prisoner…to serve a life sentence in his deep, dark dungeon of desire!!! (Sorry, I got carried away practicing for my secret career as a sensationalist pulp romance novelist.)

Joanie is the first to go, and she shows that bikini modeling is not as easy as it looks. It’s hella hard to look pretty with rough waves putting a pimp slap on your face every few seconds. “Everyone thinks the beach is wonderful, it’s not,” Jay says, as a wave crashes into the TV camera, leaving water on the lens. Nigel says that Joanie did well, and he adds that even though the surroundings look beautiful in the background of a photo, “Sometimes you don’t realize the girl was freezing, and she managed to be glowy and warm.” Joanie gets a glowy and warm moment herself when she and Nigel share a great big hug amidst the crashing waves.

Sara is next. Nigel decides to start her off on the rocks, “because it’s nice and hard and the waves are beating you down,” Nigel jokes. I’m not even going to touch that one. I don’t know why I never noticed how skinny Sara was before, but stretched out on the rocks, she looks like an ANA/MIA girl’s inspirational poster child. Sara found it stressful and intimidating to do the shoot with the clients watching, and Nigel shooting. Sadly, her tension showed. Nigel tried to get her to relax her expression, and Eric from OP felt she wasn’t connecting with the camera. She did look much better when they took her out of the water and posed her on a covered deck away from the elements. Meanwhile, one of the producers shills Amp’d and the pictures you can download to your phone blah blah. Go on lemmings, subscribe now!

Jade’s turn, and she is put up on a boat. Now I’m not saying the other girls didn’t have their own challenges with the shoot, but no one else had to balance on a narrow plank of wood over raging waves. Even Jay worries that she should get off, but Jade stays on with the attitude of “Let’s rock, let’s do this.” “A girl that takes risks, sometimes that pays off, and it did today for Jade. She won me over,” Nigel admits. Okay, I’ll go along with the newly flattering Jade edit (who’s the lemming now, you ask).

Danielle is the last. Nigel advises she be “confident and positive” and think “happy thoughts.” Sensitive Danielle (we’ve seen her cry for other people’s joys and pains in prior episodes) can’t shake off the fact that “People actually died where I’m standing, and it’s hard for me to get past that.” Geez, Tyra, thanks for doing the moment of silence before and not after the big shoot. Nigel does his best to coach and coax Danielle, but it is not easy. He also tries to get her to remember the client, and posing for ElleGirl requires a softer, more natural look than, say, Maxim. At the end of the day, Danielle is disappointed with her performance. Then all too soon, it’s time to leave paradise for an impending elimination back in Bangkok.

It’s a Mall World After All

Elimination! An eerily airbrushed bikini photo of Tyra welcomes us back from the break, and the girls file in for judgment. Joining Nigel, J. Alexander, and Twiggy today are Disaya Prakobgkmjhidscufhynesjleglnre who is, if you recall, the director of Boudoir and the host of Alice’s Mad Tea Party from the earlier go-sees.

Tyra says that one of the most important aspects of the go-sees are the pictures you leave behind. Nigel adds that in these days of retouching in photography, “no one can trust what they see half the time” [cough]TYRA’S BIKINI PHOTO[/COUGH] which is why people like to take Polaroids, in order to see the “real you.” Tyra does admit that she has “two booties”: the big, bodacious booty in person, and the considerably smaller one in pictures. So today part of their evaluation will include the impromptu photos taken at their go-sees (one in their street clothes, and one dressed up in the designers’ ensembles).

Neither of Danielle’s go-see pictures does much for the judges. “Doesn’t look great, doesn’t look bad,” according to Nigel. Twiggy is similarly meh about them, saying she wouldn’t choose Danielle based on what she’s seeing. Danielle complains about how being in the tuk-tuk might have affected her. “Forget about the tuk-tuk, this is about the dress-dress and the pose-pose,” J.-J. says-says. They like the bikini photo better, with Twiggy mentioning that her body looks “amazing”; however, Nigel feels that she is more comfortable doing sexy Sports Illustrated poses than with her “natural beauty” which better fits the client, ElleGirl. Tyra gives her rules on posing: men’s magazines, spread the legs straight to camera; women’s magazine’s turn a little bit; men’s magazines, arch your back; women’s magazines, hunch the back…or as I like to boil it down: men’s magazines, shove your junk in their faces; women’s magazines, deprecate yourself so they don’t think you’re a nasty ho that shoves your junk in their men’s faces.

Sara is next, her fresh-off-the-street photo looks nice to me, but hey I’m no expert. Miss J. thinks she’s “one step from covering your body.” Disaya thinks she looks “very shy.” Tyra thinks Sara’s dressed-up pic looks “amateur.” Twiggy and Disaya like the swimsuit shot, but Nigel says he “feels the hardship” of the shoot, as it was difficult to get her to relax. Tyra inserts another one of her lessons: she asks Sara to “smile with your eyes,” and when Sara tries, the panel’s not convinced. Tyra demonstrates, by first showing a look where she’s not thinking warm fuzzy Care Bear thoughts that light her from within, then showing a second look where she is. Okay, usually, I get what Tyra is saying, but this time, the two looks are EXACTLY THE SAME. Maybe all this talk showing has left her out of practice; she needs a refresher course in distinguishing her Blue Steel from her Le Tigre.

Nigel likes the “positive, strong body language” of Jade’s Polaroid, but adds it would be nice if she had a little smile on her face. Twiggy agrees (with a little startled jump as if she just spotted a spider) because she thinks Jade still comes off as intimidating. They like the “softness” in her face in her designer dressed pic though. Tyra then takes this moment to mention that no one won the challenge today (an ANTM first) because everyone was late. The Queen of Late was Jade, who’d rather have taken a taxi. “As a new model, it’s not about being comfortable,” Tyra says, before going on a long tangent about being on the stinky metro in Paris and “there’s a man touching my booty in the back.” Spare us the details, Tyra. Sounds like someone’s speaking from experience, however, it’s probably best you save it for your therapist. Jade’s boat picture on the beach, though, gets accolades all round: Twiggy deems it “gorgeous” and Disaya raves about her face. When Tyra mentions Jade’s stiffness, Nigel defends her by mentioning how the boat was “rearing and rocking like a stallion horse.” Hey, sounds to me like he’s the one with the secret career in sensationalist pulp romance!

Last but not least is Joanie. “What’s going on?” Tyra asks, referring to her new confident demeanor and appearance. “Very model-y,” Tyra says in compliment. Street photo: Nigel says that she has such a great face and bone structure, that even under the “blast of a Polaroid” she still looks “flawless.” At the client’s they don’t like her “simian” stance (hands forward, like an ape). Tyra says she stands like that in person, and tells her to stick her chest out, but “not porno-ish.” Ah yes, that’s exactly what my grandma used to tell me when she was trying to teach me good posture. The panel loves her beach photo; Twiggy is impressed with how Joanie has changed, saying, “You’ve become a different girl.” Disaya says she didn’t think Joanie would be versatile based on her book, but this photo is very different. Miss J. points out that Joanie looks “younger,” and I agree—there’s a surprising freshness to the photo. She looks like another person from, say, the housewife photo from earlier in the cycle.

The deliberations seem to go without too much controversy. Only thing notable is Tyra’s odd little interjection about how she is still bothered by Danielle’s accent. If I may interject, why was it Nnenna’s accent was never a problem, but Danielle’s is? Anyway, how ironic is it that Tyra’s “concerned about her speech” speech is broadcast in a baaad overdub? At the end of deliberations, the judges indicate who they think should go home by pointing to the photo on the desk. “Her should go home,” Twiggy says. Geez, maybe Tyra should be concerned about Twiggy’s speech too.

Only three photos left to give! Joanie is called up first, and Tyra commends her for “looking like a real model” today. Jade is the next girl to stay, and she thanks Tyra and the panel for “believing” in her. Danielle and Sara are the unlucky bottom two. Tyra says that Sara is the “most improved girl” but they are now concerned that she hasn’t improved enough and “there’s only so much that an A for effort can do.” Danielle started strong, but is still not seen as eloquent or articulate enough to be a CoverGirl spokeswhore. The last photo goes to Danielle, bringing her to the finals. Tyra again scolds her, ordering her to practice speaking “like a CoverGirl.” Oh yeah, like Nicole “flaaat midwestern accent” Linkletter? God no, I’d rather listen to Danielle’s “just folks” country girl drawl than Nicole’s mind-numbingly monotone drone.

Alas, this leaves Sara in the lurch. She hugs the girls, and Tyra, before she waves goodbye. As she leaves, she says that she still feels people are questioning her desire to be there. “I was just trying to pick out a t-shirt at the mall,” she says, and instead she discovered a different side of herself, a side that is “creative and artistic.” For a girl who seemed tired of being known as the Mall Girl who didn’t really have a true passion for modeling, she does nothing to disprove the accusation: she doesn’t seem too terribly sad or too terribly sorry to go, nor does she mention, like some other girls do, that she will pursue modeling in the future. It’s a strangely unemotional goodbye. Looks like we won’t be dispelling the myth of the Mall Girl anytime soon.

Gaeng Dang Ped! (No, I’m not swearing in Thai, I’m ordering a delectable duck dish in a creamy red curry sauce.) For questions, comments, or to email me more things that sound obscene in Thai, but really are not: snowflakegirl@fansofrealitytv. com

Sara is eliminated but she need not be sad. She is happy to be in the final four without having any modeling experience before. Imagine that you are found in the mall and you experience so much from the show, wouldn't you be happy? I like her because even she had lost, she has the pose and elegance to accept it and look it at the bright side. So i think she needs not cried over her elimination as it marks the start of her modeling journey.

Why is it that Americans on realitytv find it necessary to be obnoxious to locals and oblivious to their customs? I cringed when Danielle did her "chop,chop, do not pass go" schtick. It wasn't humorous nor polite. At least she didn't mock their level of humanity courtesy of Amazing Race contestants, but still... ughh.

Secondly, why does a girl always attempt to see ALL the designers in the go-see challenge? Don't they watch previous seasons??? It happens every year and it's NOT a good thing. Is Jade trying to go the caramel winner/Naima route? Or do the producers purposely require at least one girl to flout time guidelines.

Those couture outfits were to die for.

Joanie's body was shockingly un-couture when unretouched (Alice-in-wonderland bikini. (Tyra-like retouching in her OP bikini shot) And her star shines much less brightly when you don't know her personally/personality.

On the bright side, between Yoanna's liver spots and crow's feet, Eva's pug face, Naima's bloat and insipidity, Nicole's no tone drone, I don't think it's possible to do worse this season.

All right, so I went with the obvious bad pun for the title, but it’s so easy to do in Thailand! With places named Phuket and Bangkok, you have to admit that a lot of things sound unintentionally dirty in Thai (if you’re not from Thailand, that is—I’m sure all the locals are confused as to why tourists are giggling at the signposts). Come on now, though, tell me you’re not suppressing a giggle when you’re at your favorite Thai restaurant and see Pad Prik King or Kreema Sum Yun Gai on the menu. Okay, that last one is a made up name, but there is such a thing as Tom Yum Gai which is not naughty at all, but a deeelicious chicken soup. Damn it, now I’m hungry for Thai food, but I digress.

Jade can’t believe she was in the bottom two yet again. With typical obliviousness, she also wonders why people have such negative perceptions of her, without ever once looking at herself and evaluating how—oh, I dunno—she might be in some way responsible for this herself. Of course not! Nothing is ever Jade’s fault. Why, she’d be right at home in the Bush administration!

Wouldn’t it be loverly if the producers at least provided Danielle with some kind of dialect coach/speech therapist? Seriously, they get training for nearly everything else.

“She looked a bit moody to me.” Where oh where do these people get these crazy perceptions of Jade? [points sneakily to Jade]

Jade: good look, but “not as nice as the other girls” (Joanie must not be the only one catching a whiff of bitch).

Whoa, wait a minute, what set off this crazy tyrade? Did I miss something? When they extracted Joanie’s Jewel Kilcher teeth, did they also remove her niceness?

I am in a Dolce & Gabbana bustier and Jimmy Choo heels (and most certainly not wearing lounge pants and an old concert t-shirt I’ve had since junior high).

Thanks, Tyra, I had just made plans to drown myself in the ocean, let me cross that off my to-do list.

the fine ass Nigel Barker, who really should take his shirt off when he shoots them simply, you know, to support the girls, and demonstrate how it’s done—not for any prurient audience member reason, heh heh. “I’m going to take no prisoners today,” he says cheekily. Pity, I’m sure more than a few people would have willingly been taken as Nigel’s prisoner…to serve a life sentence in his deep, dark dungeon of desire!!! (Sorry, I got carried away practicing for my secret career as a sensationalist pulp romance novelist.)

Nigel adds that in these days of retouching in photography, “no one can trust what they see half the time” [cough]TYRA’S BIKINI PHOTO[/COUGH]

Okay, usually, I get what Tyra is saying, but this time, the two looks are EXACTLY THE SAME. Maybe all this talk showing has left her out of practice; she needs a refresher course in distinguishing her Blue Steel from her Le Tigre.

The last photo goes to Danielle, bringing her to the finals. Tyra again scolds her, ordering her to practice speaking “like a CoverGirl.” Oh yeah, like Nicole “flaaat midwestern accent” Linkletter? God no, I’d rather listen to Danielle’s “just folks” country girl drawl than Nicole’s mind-numbingly monotone drone.

Snowy I finally learned how to quote. Of course there were too many wonderful quotes to mention here. You did an outstanding job as usual. I must say when you do come out of the closet as the "sensationalist pulp romance writer" we all know you are, please send me a message so I can pick up a copy. Can someone please tell me where I can catch a commercial of all the past ANTM's winners that are actually "Covergirl's spokemodels"?...she ask sarcastically.

Alas, this leaves Sara in the lurch. She hugs the girls, and Tyra, before she waves goodbye. As she leaves, she says that she still feels people are questioning her desire to be there. “I was just trying to pick out a t-shirt at the mall,” she says, and instead she discovered a different side of herself, a side that is “creative and artistic.” For a girl who seemed tired of being known as the Mall Girl who didn’t really have a true passion for modeling, she does nothing to disprove the accusation: she doesn’t seem too terribly sad or too terribly sorry to go, nor does she mention, like some other girls do, that she will pursue modeling in the future. It’s a strangely unemotional goodbye. Looks like we won’t be dispelling the myth of the Mall Girl anytime soon.

In fairness to Sara, there is a short article about her in the Washington Post today. She has quit her job at the "high-powered think tank" she worked at and plans to move somewhere (she hasn't decided where yet) to model full time because she now has a "passion" for it.

Incidentally, for all you wannabe discoverees (damn, I'm starting to sound like Jade) the Mall Sara was "discovered" at was Pentagon City Mall. It's in northern Virginia, near the Pentagon DUH!

Great recap, and you're right about how the panel expects Danielle to just change her speech overnight.
Naima has that flat Michigan twang (I have it too cause I'm from Pontiac, MI and I live in CA now...and people can definately tell I'm not from CA)

Nicole has no charisma in her voice.

Adrienne, although I love her, sounds horribly high when she speaks.

Yoanna and Eva are the only ones who have that bubbly Covergirl speech.

Saying all of that, Danielle should win based on her attitude and pictures. She's beautiful.