none of the major networks are covering this!

Liveblogging Pundits Responding To An Election Without Exit Polls Part II

Hello, or “#avatar” to those of you playing along on Twitter, and welcome to the second half of this Senate race liveblog (“Ted Kennedy’s denouement”). Please see here, for the first part of the liveblog, and Twitter, for Twitter.

8:41 PM: Judging by CNN’s visual exclusives, Haiti looks nothing like Massachusetts.
8:43 PM: Bill O’Reilly has a few of his wives on the Bill O’Reilly program tonight.
8:44 PM: Why did neither of them tell him to leave that tie at home?
8:45 PM: Wolf Blitzer has personally counted half a million votes. He has Scott Brown winning, 52% to 47%, or about 28,000 votes personally counted and checked off by Wolf Blitzer, lupine newsman.
8:47 PM: MSNBC shipping in a British person, for gravitas. According to his namebox, he calls himself “Breaking News.”
8:48 PM: “Politics is about debate. Republicans has to stake out a position and not just force Democrats to impose the supermajority.” This is how Parliament works.
8:49 PM: Official Wonkette Teevee Proprietor points out that this British person is the original victim of the teabaggers. That’s true! He’s Biased.
8:50 PM: Fox has someone wearing John McCain and Bill O’Reilly telling this other lady that health care is dead. She relents. “Probably,” she says, from atop an unexplained bridge.
8:53 PM: Bill O’Reilly tells his two guests to jump in the Charles River and offers to buy the other one a therapist.
8:54 PM: Olbermann has Coakley at 46% and Scott Brown with 52%. There was bad weather today, the meaning of this will be determined after the election.
8:55 PM: PEOPLE IN THIS BAR IN MAYBE BOSTON ARE NOT RESPECTING CHRIS MATTHEWS.
8:56 PM: There is a 12 year old in the bar, behind Chris Matthews. This explains the disrespect. “Some clown on Fox says something, or some people just voted no”: either one of these things can explain the election results.
8:57 PM: This is a kids-only bar.
8:59 PM: “Boy, they lack a government!” Chris Matthews suggests giving Martha Coakley to Haiti.
9:00 PM: Rachel Maddow is in Boston, in a traditional 21+ bar. 52% of precincts reporting, Scott Brown is winning—this is not counting the Haitian precincts.
9:01 PM: Some intern is getting extra college credit for this “BAY [STATE] WATCH” graphic.
9:02 PM: Joe Kennedy lost because he is a robot. People don’t relate to robots.
9:03 PM: Rachel Maddow with the “hard data.” “In 2006, that was a real election. Not that this one isn’t real…” Anyway, as many people turned up for the actual election as they did this, the also-real one.
9:05 PM: The Scott Brown people are happier, according to this person who is there with them, than the Martha Coakley people, who are located elsewhere. She talked to some Democrat who dislikes Martha Coakley, who blames Martha Coakley. She pretends to be stunned by this.
9:06 PM: Martha Coakley went to the Caribbean instead of campaign. This is why there was an earthquake, is the point of this.
9:08 PM: Coakley should connect with women, through their Avatar tails.
9:10 PM: Someone found Howard Dean stuck between the pages of some dusty encyclopedia, pictured behind him.
9:12 PM: People like to blame each other when things go wrong, that’s one of Rachel Maddow’s “hard datum.”
9:13 PM: Howard Dean: “People who blame others are losers.” Well, yes, this is because winners aren’t forced to BLAME anyone (?).
9:15 PM: Someone on Fox just said “Scott Brown rode a wave and didn’t fall off the surf board.” Zeitgeist-y metaphor.
9:17 PM: Fox creates a Scott Brown Victory Myth in reverse: Scott Brown is a wake-up call to the rest of America. Scott Brown is LITERALLY morning wood.
9:18 PM: Fox rounded up all members of Scott Brown’s immediate family and is asking them their medical history. This is so weird! One of them had a “bill shoved down [his] throat.”
9:20 PM: “I just lost my health insurance,” Scott Brown’s twentysomething cousin tells the beaded Fox Anchor. OMG such a starfucker.
9:22 PM: This random human wants Medicare for his bowtie.
9:22 PM: IT’S ALL OVER: MARTHA COAKLEY IS GOING BACK TO PANDORA.
9:23 PM: AP’s like, “Yup.”
9:24 PM: This is a referendum on Massachusetts, according to some Rachel Maddow guest. The people have voted “No” to Massachusetts. The teabaggers or the British or whatever can have it.
9:26 PM: Ted Kennedy has re-died.
9:28 PM: The Chris Matthews’ kids bar is America’s new health care system, he warns.
9:29 PM: Scott Brown’s hired brunette looks bored, in her shimmying. Scott Brown will “upgrade” later anyway.
9:31 PM: Chris Matthews on Scott Brown: “He is attractive, physically, I guess that always helps.”
9:33 PM: Chris Matthews: “You know in college, the same people run every year for student council president? And then junior year, some nerd comes along and beats them?”
9:36 PM: Howard Dean is saying… things… he is likely reciting something he memorized, for fun, in one of the hardback books he’s fondling.
9:36 PM: Where is Scott Brown? And, more importantly/relatedly, where is Dancey Stage Brunette?
9:37 PM: Rachel Maddow is taking a break and so is your Wonkette. Anderson Cooper is currently rescuing Ken Layne from Twitter, so check back for a Third Liveblog whenever that ends.

That’s just cold. What have they done to you, Intern Juli? Come back from the dark side.

StrangelyBrown

I was actually kind of optimistic about Coakley pulling this out, then I read a post on Sullivan in which a reader pointed out that Massholes won’t vote for a woman. Now I know we’re fucked.

President Beeblebrox

[re=497359]StrangelyBrown[/re]: But they will vote for power bottoms, in Provincetown.

Diacritic

Ugh. This is too close. One airline bottle of bourbon is not going to get me through the night.

ForTheTurnstiles

[re=497359]StrangelyBrown[/re]: Or they won’t vote for a halfwit who can’t (or won’t) campaign properly and didn’t do her homework. Fucking hell: how do you lose Massachusetts as a fucking Democrat? This is dumber than the Creigh fucking Deeds campaign.

Junior

The early returns are not good. Lots of South SHore assholes (I’m looking at YOU cohassett) voting for brown’s pubes.

Extemporanus

TED KENNEDY ZOMBEEBLOG NEEDS MOAR BRAINZ!!1

Fuck Toad

Get used to saying it, libturds: “Senator-elect Treasure Trail!”

Oh hell to the no

Well, the good news is that MA is small enough that it won’t cost THAT much money to make the entire state a FEMA re-education camp. So that’s something.

[re=497367]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: If they won’t vote for halfwits with overblown senses of entitlement, then how on earth can they expect to have a representative democracy?

President Beeblebrox

Hi, I’m today’s Democratic Party, also known as the Democrat Party, the DemocRAT Party, the Demoncrat Party, and the Demoncrap Party. After electing the world’s first black Preznit of US America in 2008 by a huge margin, I’m going to totally fucking lose three out of four special elections, bringing you a morbidly obese governor, a weird Christian fundamentalist governor, and a nude, curling-iron-fetishist U.S. Senator. And I’m also going to totally fucking lose control of the health care debate to the point where people seriously question whether Death Panels will be part of the bill.

Heck of a job, amirite?

Junior

OVER. She’s only up by 5K with 25% reporting from Boston…FUCK

I just don’t want to listen to any more republican crowing for a while. Please baby jesus…

Fake Bill-O

Who will possibly be Scott Brown’s Head of Loofahs….His cousin, Helen Gurley-Brown?

UPYoursPVI

Chris Matthews & Rachael Maddow awkwardly try not to acknowledge each other from opposite ends of the same bar.

Oh hell to the no

How ’bout them assholes.

zhubajie

Egyptians used to bring mummified relatives to banquets. Can’t the Mass Dems have the embalmed Ted Kennedy campaign for what’s her face? The Masses won’t like the Reptile, once they get him.

Extemporanus

[re=497369]Extemporanus[/re]: Dear Juli,

That comment was not in any way meant to imply a derogatory assessment of your intelligence level—which I consider second only to your eye color in the category of “Juli’s Most Admirable Attributes”—but merely to skewer the undead quality of a Kennedy-centric liveblog.

As for any Zombie-Americans who may have been offended, y’all can just eat me.

No! WAIT! That’s not what im amemaa dgi’
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wf
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ghb34
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Lionel Hutz Esq.

Can we just go ahead and declare her “black” or “socialist” or whatever so we can get on with our lives?

Plus, I assume that since we are playing by Republican rules, if they win this, they are responsible for all unemployment and terrorist attacks from now on, right?

Norbert

[re=497380]Junior[/re]: Ian Faith: The Boston gig has been cancelled… David St. Hubbins: What? Ian Faith: Yeah. I wouldn’t worry about it though, it’s not a big college town.

mirrorball

I predict the Democrats will put Ted Kennedy’s head in one of those Futurama jars and run him in the next election.

Leftie Lucy

She really deserved to lose this one. And I kind of want to slap her for that. Instead, I will seek vodka.

Digdig

Before I go and step in front of a bus I thought I’d say that never in my life did I think that in Mass would I have an asshat like naked man for a senator, I know there is another bottle Jameson here somewhere…

Jim89048

[re=497384]zhubajie[/re]: Worst Irish wake evar!

Advocatus_Diaboli

today we are all Cliff Claiborne.

MzNicky

Holy shit, people! The non-retarded of us down here in Redneckistan COUNT on you elitist Yanquis to keep this fucking fucked-up fuck of a country of ours somewhat afloat. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING UP THERE??!! Jeezus H. Fucking Christ already!! The Massachusetts gay socialists can’t even be counted on anymore??!! Holy fucking Hell. What next, Eastern Seaboard? What next? Harold Ford wins in NY? Hellfire, even WE weren’t stupid enough to elect his sorry ass.

I weep and weep and weep for the future. I just didn’t think it would happen this soon into Obammy’s Socialist Reign of Muslin Terror.

pampl

Once the robot demo gets big enough to start carrying elections, boy you’ll see some changes. I’ll bet within twenty years the states will all be run by Hispanic super computers

HipHopOpotamus

[re=497376]UPYoursPVI[/re]: fuck ’em up, fuck ’em up, bc sucks?

Nerdalicious

Jon Stewart was super brilliant last night. Calling the Dems a bunch of pussies for thinking they can’t get Health Reform passed because of losing 1 vote, when the Rethugs for decades pushed their Death agenda thru with much less. Hats off Jon Stewart.

Advocatus_Diaboli

[re=497396]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: almost forgot: and a hearty Fuck You to every Masshole who voted for naked boy.

mirrorball

… and Boston.com is reporting Coakley just called Brown to concede. Drink up.

[re=497402]Nerdalicious[/re]: This is true. It’s important to keep this thing in perspective, regardless of whatever the screeching teabaggers claim tomorrow. This only means the Rethugs can fillibuster the health-care legislation forever, which SHOULD show them in hi-def for the obstructionist jagoff party of NO douchenozzles they are. Whether that is how the h/airheads on the cable TV set present it is, of course, determinant of what will be reality.

Digdig

I just heard Martha called an conceded :(

plowman

Henry Cabot Lodge avenged!

President Beeblebrox

Once again, health care reform has proven its ability to drive an entire nation utterly insane. Congratulations, US America!

If Bill Clinton hadn’t fucked up and let Hillz run the reform effort back in 1993, we might all have gay, liberal Medicare by now. But since everyone hated Hillz because she had boobies, the nation went crazy and elected Newt Gingrich as Fake Preznit.

ella

So NOW will the White House finally grow a pair?

Honest to jeebus, all that faffing about in the past year, trying to be inclusive and nice and being all turn the other cheek and squandering the majority we gave them. We finally get a president who’s smarter than a whole room full of people and the only word he doesn’t understand is majority.

windupbird

Live updates
9:13 p.m. — Coakley has conceded in a call to Scott Brown, according to a Brown aide.

ladymacbeth

i think it’s time to let rahm out.

Long Form Def Certificate

Why do candidates always concede so early? Let ’em count to 90%. Use a IOKIYAR friendly chant of “Count the votes! Count the votes!”, & maybe a Birkenstock Riot to match the Brooks Bros event in Miami ’00.

Seriously, if it narrows, & Coakley contests, much as with Gore in ’00, she’ll have already lost.

Pass the Senate Bill, US House. Obie will sign it. Corrections can be done in reconciliation. Don’t think of the DINOsaurs. Fuck ’em instead. Sic Jeff Gannon & Larry Craig, after gobbling five Li’l Blue Pills on their asses.

President Beeblebrox

[re=497417]MzNicky[/re]: Of course. That’s a common-sense answer. But instead, the Dem leadership will Totally Fucking Panic and do stupid things like compromise even more. I mean, shit, they lost control of the message in the summer, so why not take it a step further and totally fuck it up now?

Fuck Reid and Pelosi. I’d rather have the rotten corpses of Paul Wellstone and Tip O’Neill in charge of the House and Senate than those two douchenozzles.

[re=497364]Diacritic[/re]: “One airline bottle of bourbon per minute just might get me through the night”.

/fixed

cantabrigia

From up here in slushy Mass., I don’t know what’s going to make me puke more – knowing my new senator needs extensive manscaping, or listening to the inevitable GOP gloating and reaching to elevate this epic, epic Coakley Fail to the level of some “mandate” or something. Coakley proved herself to be nothing more than an empty-suit, effin’lawyer-bot. And I know my robots. Capuano’dve stomped this guy.

Maybe we can find 51 votes to slam Single Payer through on reconciliation now?

Of course, still better than Cheney cussing Senators, wearing a ski jacket to a State Funeral (?), shooting a septuagenarian in the face, etc., but AGJ could have been somebody. Instead, he runs Current.

JoethePlumber

eff. If congress is reading this (please read this, congress), just pass the bill. Do it.

President Beeblebrox

[re=497428]cantabrigia[/re]: The answer to yr. concerns about inevitable GOP gloating is to limit yr. news intake to Wonkette and to consume large quantities of the recreational substances of yr. choice. Makes it much easier to handle.

Oldskool

Suddenly the South doesn’t look quite so fucked up. Way to go Mass but I’d rather have some goddamned health care instead.

fishskicanoe

[re=497428]cantabrigia[/re]: Yep. The House has to pass the Senate version and amend it through reconciliation later. That way you get the good non-monetary regs enacted and can improve on the monetary problems in the Senate bill, maybe, even, hopefully (but probably not) a strong public option.

In fact, I just sent an email to my rep (Dave Obey) with that scenario recommended.

ella

RT @ebertchicago Massachusetts to Teddy: “F–k you.”

Suds McKenzie

[re=497430]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]: I forgot about that “ski jacket”, ty

Bearbloke

[re=497389]Norbert[/re]: Perhaps someone will choke on someone else’s vomit during his victory speech…

Nigel Tufnel: “You can’t really dust for vomit.”

cantabrigia

[re=497426]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: You forgot our drivahs who don’t use the blinkahs befoah turnin’. But, um, pop? Must have been some Michigander who stuck around after grad school who dropped that one on you. Tonic? Fackin’ Yah! Go Sawx.

Long Form Def Certificate

[re=497433]Oldskool[/re]: On the bright side, FOX News can no longer call it TAXachusetts. I bet they’re ornery about that.

Katydid

[re=497393]Digdig[/re]: “I thought I’d say that never in my life did I think that in Mass would I have an asshat like naked man for a senator”

We here in the Constitution State say we feel your pain. You just know Sen. Joe and naked man are going to be the bestest of friends in Congress and have naked sleepovers, probably at C Street House and Brothel.

doxastic

Well Massachusetts, now you will know the embarrassment of having a reactionary misrepresent you and your interests thanks to a fit of pique. I know how it feels. The shame. You’ll make excuses–“oh, I was out of town, I was pissed about not having single-payer, I thought Teddy Kennedy’s haint was all-powerful, THE RED SAWKS FAHKIN RULE!!.” I know how you feel Massachusetts, because while living in Pennsylvania, I was….Santorum’d. The good news is that you’ve only fucked the rest of us for the next six years, and thanks to MITT FUCKING ROMNEY, you at least have healthcare.

rocktonsammy

HA HA, Scott Brown has this smallest dick in the senate.

Bearbloke

[re=497415]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: Too vague and subtle…

Oldskool

[re=497439]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]: True. What’s really fucked up is this whole country. We elect these asswipes who despise the whole concept of government and then wonder why they don’t bother make it work. Hey, if they made it work it would undermine their entire political philosophy, like hiring cop-haters to be policemen. Jesus fucking christ this country.

Bearbloke

[re=497423]ladymacbeth[/re]: “I think it’s time to KICK Rahm out”

/fixed

Long Form Def Certificate

[re=497441]doxastic[/re]: Must have been a bitch getting that off. What do you use? Lye?

As to Sen. Treasure-Trail’s next election, it’s 2012… Which makes me think, why not just let the former Gov. who Patrick appointed serve it out? We’re going to go thru this all over again in less than two years. I cannot fucking wait.

NOT!

thesheriffisnear

Suddenly the Patriots quick exit from the playoffs don’t seem so bad. Is it too late for the BuffaloBeast to put Martha on its 50 Most Loathsome list? Gawd, I despise the woman!

JoethePlumber

Dear Martha,
Fuck you!
Love
J the P

President Beeblebrox

Well, fuck. Thanks, Massachusetts!

This may be the year when we finally come face to face with ourselves; finally just lay back and say it — that we are really just a nation of 220 million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns, and no qualms at all about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.

– Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, 1972

Long Form Def Certificate

[re=497444]Oldskool[/re]: They’re not cops, but we have plenty of America-haters in the U.S. Army, et. al. Don’t think that line ended with Mc Veigh & Nichols.

I’m still surprised there wasn’t been un golpe militar against the Nigra in the WHITE House.

tootsieroll

This is war. Those progressives at Move On better fucking INVADE Utah, Nevada, etc to unseat GOP seats.

And not only should the ram the bill through, they should force the fuckers to filibuster.

CthuNHu

It’s not as bad as it looks. At the moment she’s only down 52% to 47%, 1,062,322 to 949,660, a 112,662 vote deficit. [Stats courtesy of the Boston Globe.]

I’m confident that by the time Amherst, Cambridge, and the rest of Somerville, Worcester and Boston report in, she’ll manage to pull out … eh … say a 90,000 vote loss.

Manos: Hands of Fate

[re=497438]cantabrigia[/re]: shit, I meant tonic. My wife is from Michigan. I used to resist using the term pop, but now I’ll never go back. POP POP POP POP

cantabrigia

[re=497432]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Popped another Three-buck Chuck cab and going to pore over the local returns for another hour to try to see what happened. Even the normally makes-me-girl-geek-love-tingly sounds of Rachel Maddow from the other room are making me queasy.

Uh oh. Martha on stage tells supporters, “I know you all worked very hard.” Silence. Going around in the minds of 90% of the folks in the room, “yeah, ‘cept you Miss takin’ your three weeks off.”

Well, no more cutting deals Joe Lizardman and his ilk to hold a sixty seat majority together, now health care comes down to who wants it more. Put the public option back in the damn thing. Since Joe Biden has the gavel, all we need to do is schedule a “Chaps only” night over at the Senate page dormitory and wait for the Republican caucus to slither over for a little look see….

[re=497432]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Thankfully, with Lost coming back, I’m going to ignore all the Republican gloating, eminent hand-to-hand combat between Democratic party factions, and the inevitable failure of the healthcare bill by spending all my time on Lost message boards. Debating time loops and smoke monsters is much saner.

heathenish

Who’s countin’ those votes? that’s all I want to know. They always fuck us libtards when the vote counters are Karl Rove. I wish I had a lot of drinks, we are doomed.

MrSmoove

Hi fuckheads!

We here in the south have been the butt of your mockery for 13 months! Evidently we are incorrigible fascists! Yet I see here that you fucking mongoloids can’t hold onto Ted Kemnedy’s seat! What a giant pile of DICKS y’all are. Eatvme fucking lumpies, you fucking sack of cunts.

Signed,

Southern Liberals

heathenish

I asked this somewhere else, but can someone please tell me which family value neked represents?

BarackMyWorld

[re=497446]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]: Because of a state law put in place to keep Romney from appointing a Republican in case John Kerry was elected president (!!!).

The concession speech is being broadcast in smell-a-vision. The stench of failure is filling my living room, and I can’t find the stink control on the remote. Come on, how do you blow a 90,000 point lead as a democrat in fucking Massachusetts?

dijetlo

[re=497463]MrSmoove[/re]:

I thought you’d be “hiking the Appalachian trail” with your mother in celebration….

Bearbloke

[re=497422]windupbird[/re]: So does this mean that it’s now legal in Mass to rape someone with a curling iron?

Manos: Hands of Fate

[re=497447]thesheriffisnear[/re]: At this point, I wish they were so I could see them get destroyed by the NY Jets. I would fly back to Boston and walk down the street decked out in white and green for that one.

President Beeblebrox

[re=497455]cantabrigia[/re]: Sure, they all worked very hard when Croakley and the DSCC realized on, like, Thursday that she was going to lose the thing. I didn’t get any of the ubiquitous Organizing 4 America emails about the rate until Friday, and until I read through the email I thought it was just a primary election. Epic fail is epic.

Capuano would have wiped the floor with Curling Iron Guy. Instead yr. candidate was the Nanny Prosecutor. I fucking hate hard-ass Prosecutor/Tough On Crime types – they think just because they can convict 12 jurors of the guilt of someone who is already in Handcuffs that they can win an Election. Sometimes they can, but often they can’t. Just wait until Joe Biden III runs for daddy’s Senate seat in Delaware… you ain’t seen epic fail yet.

Jim89048

[re=497446]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]: Remember back, oh 5 or 6 years ago, when everyone was SO SURE Kerry was gonna pull a rabbit out of his ass and beat shrub? And the Mass. Dems got all spooked about maybe Romney getting to appoint a repub to Kerry’s dem seat? Yeah. THAT’s when we lost this one.

heathenish

I’m changing my parety affliiation to Wonketter. (not that I was officially with the dems…but sort of)Can we get SOMEONE to run from this site, damn it!

MrSmoove

Dijeto, me and Martha are telling your mother it’s ok to be unemployed and unsupported, as long as you got Mtr Cosmo 1982 covering your tab at Stah Mahket.

Why don’t you moron ls get your shit straight before you lean on the south? FDR fucking owned it down here because step ONE was improving people’s lives. There is nothing better here,

Manos: Hands of Fate

Capuano would have made Brown look like a total pussy. Coakley came off like a Smith College professor.

Bearbloke

[re=497486]heathenish[/re]: Maybe another Muslim from Kenya? They seem to do well in American politics…

thesheriffisnear

[re=497479]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: O/T but the Gothams DO look good.

dijetlo

[re=497487]MrSmoove[/re]: me and Martha are telling your mother

You and Martha holdin’ a seance?
_________________________________________

FDR fucking owned it down

Yeah, back when you could hang a black man for voting.
Or looking at a white woman.
Or if…you know…you were really bored.
All that ended, though, when we (the northern liberals) joined with them (the African Americans) to secure their civil rights.
Ever since then, the inbred rednecks of the southern United States (that would be…you Hayseed) have voted Republican in larger and larger numbers.
As they got poorer and poorer.
While blaming the Democrats for it.
‘Cause they’s idiots…