Titles are boring

This was the last Christmas of my 30’s. Then the last New Years of my 30’s. Then the last January 4th of my 30’s. Today it’s the last January 17th of my 30’s. Wouldn’t it be exceptionally annoying if I kept that going until March – at the end of which, I shall be entering my 40’s.

I wake up at night, often, sometimes breathless and panicked. I then look around and I wonder if this is what Should Be. Until a few months ago I still had wake-up confusion. Wondering where I was and why the room seemed so unfamiliar. I suppose that happens if one spent nearly all of their adult life sleeping in the same bedroom. It’s finally over now. I’m settled. At least as (mentally) settled as someone like me can be.

I asked Mike his opinion and he says he thinks my almost 40 is better than his almost 40. He was spending the year in a place called Suzdal filming a mini-series which he didn’t like. It was freezing and the food was awful. If the food is ever bad here, I’ve only got myself to blame.

I keep analysing and re-analysing other people’s lives. How do my decisions compare? What is the average at 40? What should people do, what should they have? But then there’s no such thing as a real average, is there? Goodness knows how many financial articles I’ve read through the years. Invest in this, don’t invest in that. You need to have x amount before retirement. Do this, do that. And so much of it is subjective or pure speculative nonsense.

How did you decide? Did you decide? Or did life just happen? Did you just wake up one day and know, I’ve done it, this is enough. And is that the point at which you go get the DNR tattoo?

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80 comments on “Titles are boring”

Tempted by that tat. Hilarious.
I have no idea what is enough but I badly want off this treadmill and am going to make the leap very soon. I suggest that you enjoy what’s left of nearly 40, but STOP rounding up your age to the next one. I am staying at 50 now until I hit 60 x

A form? Umm.. *thinks* There might well have been a form *gestures helplessly at teetering pile of paperwork* but it’s more of a continual state of rebellion (she says, improvising wildly, hoping there wasn’t really a form).

I may have told this story before but an American friend was living in the South of France for a while and went to the town P.O. to mail a fairly heavy envelope back to the States. The mail clerk weighed the envelope and then put a huge number of the smallest possible denomination of stamps on it. Then she weighed it again and asked for more money for still more stamps. My friend tried to argue with her but Ms. Postie just drummed her fingers on the counter until Monsieur forked over more cash.

Bad news, my friend. It’s a little known scientific, irrefutable fact that the minute you turn 40 your hair falls out, your belly expands by 4 inches, your nose hair reaches down to your toes, and you suddenly find yourself toothless with a pair of wooden dentures in your mouth that are splintering and jabbing you in the gums. Yeah, your life is done, pal. Glad I got to know you before, well, before what we older folks call “the end of all things.” And, if you think this sounds bad, just wait til you hit 50. 😀

Another Aries. No wonder your existential questions follow you like stray dogs, never satisfied, always starved. Of course, Astrology is nothing if not total bupkis, but, it’s serious work for some. And the thoughts attributed to our fates flying among the stars is rather romantic.

Maybe that’s all that is necessary. At 40 or 50 or 130, imagining that the stars have wheeled and aligned — all for you, at this moment, your final moment. But the knowledge of that moment remains buried in the charts and patterns, withheld from you until that final DNR event. Seeking such information would seem a fools errand no? Accepting that it is layered above you in veil upon veil of wonder, a wonder answered only once, may be the wisest choice.

Oh come now. All that fun Greek/Roman mythology? They kind of got it right — back then that is. Worshiping all those cool gods and goddesses. Today? Yeah, the nonsense level has risen sky high (chuckle). But it’s just as legitimate as Christmas or Easter, or the 4th of July, Bastille’s day? Arbitrary dates from arbitrary calendars.

My solution was to invent the theory that we are all a particular age throughout our lives. I actually do believe this (babies like old men and women, men and women like babies – it works). My age is six. Job done. No more concerns about anything just a childish delight in all I see and the odd tantrum for good measure. It works like a charm. I recommend it 😉

well, I’ll be 52 in a couple of months (yes, an Aries, with Capricorn rising no less! such fun bullshit). I finally decided at 50 that I didn’t give much of a fuck any more and have released a lot of my embarrassment at things. I also have decided that I surely do want a DNR since my work deals with the regulation of nursing homes and the complaints I see just horrify me.

Omg, you’re a pup yet. Well, I do think perspective is gained when life is looked at in retrospect. And you’re just getting started. I wouldn’t turn the clock back one day if I had the chance. I mean the flesh tends to go south after 60 or so, but oh, the peace of mind is SO worth it. Would I be a clueless 20 year old again? Shoot me now. Ditto, 30’s.

My take on it? 20’s – still a kid, trying out the world for the first time on one’s own terms (or so it seems, but one can gauge by the times one calls home to borrow money or source support of other types – no shame, just a yardstick). 30’s is when life begins settling in for real – one realizes better how society and the world works and doesn’t fight the unfairness of it quite so much. College friends are going their separate ways and despite intentions to keep in touch, people change according to the people they end up living/working/hanging with. Career comes into focus a bit more. Family of one’s own might happen. 40’s are a real shakedown period, or were for most I know – a time when perspective is shifting from, ‘what does the world want from me’ to ‘how do I want to be in the world?’ (It seems that might be your question restated, or not.) 50’s and the kids are leaving if one has them, mortality begins to become more obvious, things settle down a bit and there’s a further shift from outer directed to inner identification. Less of a care what others think can be fantastically liberating. 60’s for women is very different I think than for men. I suspect from counseling men though that most are losing their grip a bit – having a bit of a midlife crisis for real. The gay men I know are really concerned about looks/bodies falling apart. Straight men might stray from menopausal wives who aren’t driven by hormones so much anymore. Beyond that I have yet to experience. I’d be curious what Hariod has to say about what I’ve said here, because he is far wiser than I.

Yes, some days I rage, but it’s all about perspective and how we all find a way to get through the day.
I started my “adult ” life very young, so I have packed a fair bit in. And I really shouldn’t still be here considering my back story..so.. I will go on adventuring

People keep telling me that. Mike in particular. I’m not sure about not having responsibilities. I know one of the reasons Mike chose this house was that there’s so much to do my mind doesn’t have too long to wander off to dark places.

Sadly those do not resuscitate tattooes are not legally binding. So you could end up with major attempts to save your life even if you don’t want them. Because what if you got the tattoo done when you were 20 and “never going to make it to 30” but now you’re 40 and life’s not so bad? They just don’t know.

For women it is 30 for men it is 40, this to shall pass. Just make sure and take some pics and keep them, especially nudes. That way when you are much much older you can pull them out and say to yourself, “I looked pretty good! Although you won’t look like you do now, you won’t care so much, you’ll feel good about the way you used to look.

I think in order to have a really full life you have to find some way, an issue beyond even being good parents, grandparents, or in your case probably uncles, you have to find an issue and work on it. Something that when you die the world will have been better because you are in it. This altruism is deeply satisfying.

For many people they are able to make that difference in their job or profession, others do it outside of their work life. The most satisfied older people I know are those who lived a life making the world better, fairer, cleaner… you get the idea. It is very satisfying to look back and feel proud. You have many years in which to give, here I am giving you a kick in the pants.

Don’t worry Pink, I’m here for you. I’m not impressed with my 40s so far, eye sight and teeth deteriorating at ridiculous rate, way too little energy for two young kids. I’m happy to bring you down with me. I’ll tune in April to see how it’s going. 😂