“If you are a dreamer,come in. If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar, a hoper, a prayer, a magic-bean-buyer. If you're a pretender, come sit by my fire, for we have some flax-golden tales to spin. Come in! Come in!” ~Shel Silverstein

Thursday, January 29, 2009

We have a waterbed (not for much longer...we just ordered a Sleep By Number bed off QVC), which is really high and hard to get out of on a regular day. So I made a bed on my couch. Well, around midnight I woke up with back and shoulder pain...so I thought it was gas. So I tried to make the pillows into a recliner...and tried to sleep upright. Around 4 I woke up and I just hurt. Back, shoulder, butt, stomach, leg, etc.

I cried on Tracey's shoulder. I took my Gas-X strips, took the nasty liquid Loritab, and waddled to the waterbed. Tracey helped me up. It felt so good to lay down. I fell asleep.

So now I am up, showered, feeling better. I am going to go for a walk outside and come back and try to drink a protein shake.

Here is a pic of my incisions. They are still covered with the tape. My Doc said the stitches are on the inside. The big one towards the top is my port!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

One ounce jello. Lemon jello...it could have only been worse if it was LIME jello. And one ounce of grape juice. I didnt drink the grape juice. It didn't taste like any grape juice I have ever had.

I couldn't sleep in the hospital last night. My IV machine was so loud. I may have gotten one hour of sleep total. I was up walking around at 2am. They let me go home this morning around 11am.

I am still not hungy. I did get a protein shake down though, and had some broth for dinner. I am working on a bottle of water. I am going to call the nutritionist tomorrow bc I dont know if I am supposed to force myself to eat if I am not hungry.

I took a shower. I will try and post a pic of my stomach tomorrow! Pretty! I am a little more stiff today. Still not much gas...just achey around my port. I slept this afternoon for three hours straight and I loved it! Here are some pics from pre-op! Keep sharing with me with your comments!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Hello everyone! I am at the hospital and officially post-op! We got here this morning at 7:45 and got in my sexy gown, even sexier circulation socks, and the sexiest circulation boots. They made me pee to make sure I am not pregnant...that was fun. Not only did I not have much pee, but the bathroom stall was so narrow it was hard to sit and get that cup in place. I had to do some Matrix stuff to get that done.

I was wheeled up to the surgery preop I guess you could call it around 9:00. Everyone came to ask me the same questions...dentures? Pacemaker? do I own a pony? Then they took me to the operating room. The anasteshia (cant spell it) took ten minutes to work. It was supposed to do that. But they strapped my arms down, my nose itched, and I started to think how if someone was having surgery for something that was serious and had a higher death rate...how scary that would be...I was pretty scared.

I woke up somewhere else, thought I couldnt breathe. So far, that has been my least favorite part of the whole experience...the anasteshia (still cant spell it) wearing off. It took about 2 hours. After that wore off, I was in my room and asked if I could get up to walk. Didnt use the pain meds. My butt was hurting from the wonderful hospital bed though. I have a little gas I think around my left rib. I've been burping. I will probably push my pain button once I crawl back in bed for the night.

I went to put my belly button ring back in and dropped the damn thing under the bed. I'm gonna have to ask the nurse to get it for me. I have been putting her to work today! I set my iv machine off twice by moving my wrist the wrong way!

My boobs get stuck to my body bc of all the stuff they put on my belly. That's fun peeling them off every so often. Imagine sweaty thighs and a hot leather car seat.

My boyfriend was a trooper. He hates to sit, but lasted all day. I sent him home around 5. Once I get some underwear on I will take pictures of the incisions...although they have little bandaids on them.

my nurse just came, so i should go for now! she found my belly button ring!

Monday, January 26, 2009

1. Pack. I am taking my Eeyore pj pants my mom bought me for Christmas. I usually don't believe in adults wearing cartoon characters, but it was A) from my mom and B) they are SO comfy. Thank you Walmart. I am also taking a tank top and sports bra. They said sports bra...but I actually think its harder to get on than my regular bra...but whatever. And then all then normal toiletry stuff. I am also taking my laptop and camera so I can update from the hospital!

2. Shave. I think I will do a Level 3 shave tonight since I will be getting a catheter! See the shaving levels below.

Level 1: This shave is can also be referred to as the "capri" shave. It's when I only need to shave up to my knee.

4. Pluck Face. About 8 years ago I noticed a few hairs on my chin. It's gotten worse. I am still rather mortified about it...bc I'm not an old lady. However, I asked my dermatologist about it and she said there is a correlation between being overweight and facial hair. Hormones or something. This is one of the things I hope decreases as I lose weight Otherwise I better start saving up for laser.

5. Slow dance with Tracey. On our feet and otherwise :) I don't know how long I will be out of commission.

6. Clean the litter box.

7. Drink butt loads of water. Or should I say bladder loads. hahahaha...This way they can find my vein tomorrow.

I have my surgery tomorrow at 9:45. There is one lady before me. Juanita. I met her in my classes. I told her not to give him any trouble on the table. My surgery should last an hour. I will go home the next day. And be back to work on Monday!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Have you ever noticed how many commercials deal with food? I'm sure you have! But have your REALLY noticed? When I don't have something DVR'd, I am forced to watch commercials. And now that I am on a diet of water, jello, and broth...it seems like every commercial is about food.

Did you know that Whataburger came out with a Double Patty Melt. I don't even like Whataburger and when I see the commercial...you would think that it was my favorite restaurant.

Have you seen the Red Lobster commercial? I hate seafood. But I might stick my tongue in the cup of butter they serve with lobster.

Tracey let me suck the salt off of his pretzel last night. A pretzel stick. I really wanted to accidentally bite down on it...just to be able to crunch on something.

I heard my stomach rumble last night. Didn't know what that was at first. I can't tell you last time I heard that noise! lol

My boyfriend, bless his heart...weighs about 153 pounds. He asked me if I wanted him to eat in the garage last night. I said no. He is supportive of my choice, excited for me to be healthier. He loves me as I am. He thinks I am sexy. I swear he does and I can't figure it out. But I'll take it! When someone has never struggled with their weight though, I dont think they can really understand. He has sympathy, but not empathy. I think that's why so many people flock to the Forums online. It helps to find people that REALLY understand.

I will leave you with a picture. This is us after getting caught in a rainstrom waiting to see Sugarland.

People ask me if I am excited. I am excited. BUT....It's really hard to imagine myself thin. I know I will lose weight with the band. And I am committed to it. But, I've never been thin. In my adult life I've never been less than a size 20. In junior high I was a size 14/16...but only briefly. So I am excited. I just am cautious. I don't know what to expect.

I am on my liquid diet. It started yesterday, and will continue until the day of surgery. And then, proceed to continue for 2 weeks afterwards. It is a clear liquid diet...plus protein shakes.

I didnt realize how much I enjoy chewing on crunchy things until I can't put something crunchy in my mouth. I ate some ice last night. It's not the same. I did enjoy my chicken broth though after a day of water, jello, and shakes. I am already thinking about it for dinner tonight.

I had a dream that I was at a wedding reception/business meeting and I started eathing Long John Silvers chicken planks. And then Long John Silvers baby back ribs (it was a dream!) Anyways...I realized what I had done, was worried my liver was going to be too fatty for the surgery...and had to find a place to throw up. SO, this was actually a blessing because I woke up and was so relieved that I hadn't pigged out...I knew I wasn't going to cheat today!

My mom had a book. Every once in awhile I would sit on the carpet in our family room, and when no one was watching, I would pull it out and flip to my favorite page. I don’t remember what verbage my 8 year old mind used, but I remember thinking several things.

Wow those people are fat. At least I’m not that fat. I will never be that fat. And *giggle* those people are naked.

The book was written by one Richard Simmons, and it was called Never Say Diet. I couldn’t figure out why you weren’t supposed to say diet. I said it all the time. My mom had said it. People on people said it. So I asked my mom one day to explain it to me. And she said that "diet" was bad because you weren’t supposed to go on DIETS, you were supposed to change your way of life.

Back to the naked people.

Somewhere in the book their was a sketch of a man and a woman. They were naked, obese, and giving us a side profile shot. I remember their bellies hanging over…lapping over. I remember their fat roles. I remember the ladies breasts were sagging. I remember being horrified and fascinated. Unfortunately, when I look at myself in the mirror today…I have become that sketch.I wasn’t fat when I was little. I sure thought I was. The first memory I have of feeling fat probably happened when I was about 5. I used to lay in our living room, in front of the bay windows, and lather up in lotion (just regular moisturizer), and try to get a tan. I had a cute little bikini. As I was walking around, my brother and his friend were on the couch and he said something about me having a dimply butt. I didn’t know what he meant. My mom explained it to me. He was implying I had cellulite. I didn’t, but that was all it took. From then on, I believed I was fatter than all my friends. I look at pictures now and I was just an average size girl.It wasn’t until I started junior high that I was noticeable bigger than pretty much all my girlfriends. I danced. I love to dance, and I was on our dance team. I was a size 14/16 and they had to have my skirt specially made but putting two skirts together.I’ve always said there are two types of fat girls: the wallflowers who just want to blend in, and the loud funny ones who spend their lives trying to make people forget how fat they are. I am the second of the two.

I was funny, (still like to think I am). I was popular, friends with everyone. On the outside, to the outside world…my weight didn’t bother me. In high school the boyfriends stopped. I still danced, still had tons of friends. And to be honest, I never let my weight prevent me from doing what I wanted. In high school the dance outfits changed. We had to wear one piece black leotards, cinched at the waste with the belt (even the size 4 girls didn’t look to flattering). We also had a spandex top and skirt. For some reason, the senior boys (not all of them, but a good handful), loved to pick on me. They would call me "two lunches"…implying I ate two lunches.One basketball game, we took the court. We were dancing to a James Brown song and our starting position was crouched on the floor, heads down. The music was taking forever to start…and guess where I was in the formation. Yes, it couldn’t be better if it was an after school special on ABC. I was crouched. They started chanting. "Two lunches, Two lunches"…everyone could hear. The music started. I danced. We walked off the court. I hid. I quite dancing. And that is one of my biggest regrets. I gave power to those boys…and let them take that away from me. I started cheerleading the next year. Didn’t keep me down for long. But still affects me 12 years later.

I’ll skip college and make a long story…well still pretty long….I graduated from college. Moved to Florida.This is just my intro. My history.

I’ve always joked I have reverse body dysmorphic disorder. That instead of being a tiny person that sees themselves as fat, I am a fat person who always thinks they are a lot skinnier. I feel pretty hot until I see a picture. I still think I was pretty hot weight 220 and being a size 20. I weigh 327 now. And don’t feel that hot anymore.

I knew I needed help. I am hoping that on January 27th, help will come in the form of a little intertube around my stomach.

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Welcome To Amyville

I am a chronic make-believer. I amuse myself. I break out in random song at least 6 times an hour. I am me. I was banded on 1/27/2009. I look better tan. I am a mermaid. I believe you should give more than you take, laugh more than you cry, and eat cheetos when the urge arises. I have always been a dreamer. Life is unpredictable and I realize everyday how lucky I am. I think you should walk with your head up, shoulders back, look people in the eye, smile, have a good handshake, and be honest. I love cold sheets, colder air conditioning, swimming, my family, my animals, and my friends.