Why Eating a Bicycle is a Bad Idea: Ask the Man Who’s Tried It

12,000 forks, 2,000 spoons, and 2,600 plates later, Branko Crnogorac (seriously? -Ed.) is hanging up his fine-dining bib. He’s finished eating those things. Note, I did not saying ‘eating with’ those things, I said ‘eating those things.’

Crnogorac eats stuff. Whether it’s food or not. The Metro says the 80-year-old retired Serb knew it was time to call it a day, when he choked on a bike pedal. “My digestive system is not as strong as it used to be,” he says, without a trace of irony.

Questions: why a different number of forks, spoons, and plates? Didn’t he go for matched place settings? We know why he started in the first place: a friend told him eating sand would help an upset tummy. I bet that same ‘friend’ was the same one who bet him he couldn’t eat a bicycle in three days. The choking incident proved it.

Now, emergency surgery completed, Crnogorac is limiting himself to food. But if you’ve lost any jewelry, or 25,000 light bulbs in recent years, you can call him to see what he remembers.