The adventures of a single woman who combines ministry with parenting a special needs young adult.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

"I Can't"

I told Daughter that the trash needed to be put out last night after Bible study. So on the way home from Bible Study, she started in. "I can't. I need to get my insulin and pills and go straight to bed when we get home. I just can't take care of the trash." ."Fine. I'll do it."."You shouldn't have to do it."."You're right, I shouldn't have to do it, but it has to be done, and since you can't, that means I will have to do it.".So when we got home I wheeled out the trash can, carried out 5 cans of leaves and grass clippings, and toted 3 recycling bins to the curb. When I got inside, I washed my hands and put away the clean dishes. Daughter pouted, because I took care of the work before I got her her insulin, pills, and snack. I wasn't done until 8:30. Any other night she would have been begging to stay up until 10:00. .She woke up growling this morning. I gave her a pb&j from the freezer and an apple for lunch. There are times when I get annoyed that she can't get her own meals and that any attempts to get her to help around the house result in rages that do damage to the house. She's acting like a spoiled brat. This morning she told me she wasn't yelling because she was mad at me. I pointed out that didn't stop the fact that she was yelling, and that I deserved better than that. Emotionally it's easier for me to do it myself than to listen to her verbal abuse. Even when I don't ask her to do anything, she's verbally abusing me, just not as much as if I were to have the audacity to suggest she could be a contributing member of the household. I sure hope that I like the residential placement I'm visiting this afternoon and that there is an opening soon. I'm tired of living like this.

2 comments:

Anonymous
said...

ms. clergyagain she plays you like a fiddle. it is all about power and control. she doesn't pull that stuff with others because she knows it won't fly. you seem to try to reason things out but there is no reason. good luck with the placement. you need some peace and she needs a setting where she is not enabled and constantly manipulating. again it is all about power and control. good luck.

I can't force her to do something she doesn't want to do. I can engage in battle, and she will rage, throw things, and I will end up emotionally exhausted. I choose peace right now.

Of course, when she's not doing things around the house, she gets frozen pb&j for her meals and she doesn't get to watch TV or use the computer. I don't do anything extra for her (I have to provide meds, insulin and meals), and I don't engage her. She doesn't like that.

I'm the mom. I will always be her target. That's the aftermath of RAD.

RevGalBlogPals

About Me

I'm a pastor and a mother. I was ordained in October of 1985, and began serving this suburban congregation in October of 2010. In March of 1990 I was asked to take an almost 3 year old "for the weekend." Five years into the weekend I adopted her. Daughter carries a number of diagnoses: Reactive Attachment Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Central Auditory Processing Disorder, Bipolar, seizure disorder, and type 1 diabetes. She moved into a group home in November of 2011. She attends a sheltered workshop and sings in the church choir.

Followers

Important People and Places

Daughter became my foster child in 1990, shortly before she turned 3, and I adopted her when she was 8.

Capital is a state capital in the midwest. In October of 2010 I became pastor of a church on the edge of town.

Administrative Assistant is my keeper. She runs the office at the church, and at heart is an artist. She helps turn my crazy ideas into reality.

Program is where Daughter spends most of her days. She does some piece work and participates in some classes and activities. She'd like to get community employment, but still has some work to do to make that possible.

Sister Best Friend and I met in seminary. We vacationed together for a number of years, and then she got married. We still do some cooperative worship planning. She seves a church less than an hour away.

Far Away Sister is 4.5 years young than me. She lives across the country. She was an electrical engineer until she stayed home to raise Tall Niece and Nephew. Now that they are graduating, she is planning to become a high school math teacher.

Sister is 10 years young than me. She is divorced and the mother of Short Niece. She lives in the same state as Capital. She is a teacher.

Brother is 11 1/2 years younger than I am. He finally got married in February of 2009. He lives near Sister. They are the parents of Baby Nephew.