Reasons People Don’t Like You

2) You were so excited when your menstrual cycle synced up with the other girls at work that you handed out “Flow Buddies” sweatshirts.

3) You chose Banana Pudding Day at the cafeteria to finally squeeze that softball-sized cyst on your back.

4) You built a scale model of Carlsbad Caverns, by using boogers that you wiped on the bottom of your desk drawer.

5) You give scalp massages at the urinal.

6) You wear a shirt that has an arrow pointing to your crotch and the phrase “Too Big to Fail”

7) Even though you only needed 99 of 101 dalmatians to complete your wardrobe, you use the last two for an extra pair of Crocs.

8) You steer every conversation to the time you met Jon Lovitz.

9) Every time you fail to earn a piece of Trivial Pursuit pie, you claim the game is biased towards “non-whites.”

10) You hold up the line at Wal-Mart by writing a check, five minutes after you maced everyone for an X-Box 360.

11) You discover a magic mailbox at your lake house that sends letters back and forth through time, but instead of cultivating the love of a lifetime, you keep sticking your dick in there asking for a temporal hand job.

12) You co-wrote the song “Moves Like Jagger”

13) You own a dragon T-shirt.

14) The thing you remember most about 9/11 is that you scored three touchdowns in flag football.