Marriage

We all know films where, at the last minute, the bride or groom decides the marriage is not for them and they run for it.

As young people of faith with a respect for marriage, how do we know if we are ready? How will you know if you are ready at all? How will you know if you can marry this person?

Am I ready?

Some wrong answers:

I have £20,000 to spend on the wedding.

I am over 30 (The average age of first wedding in the UK in 2008)

We have lived together long enough and now we want to have children.

I am/she is pregnant and it will be less shameful for the family if we marry quickly.

We have been madly and deeply in love since we set eyes on each other - last month.

My family has planned this marriage and I don't have a choice.

Consider this

A wedding is the start of a marriage – not an extra to save up for. A wedding need cost very little; the extra expense is down to consumerism or family pride.

The average age at first marriage has drifted up from an average of 24 in 1981. It is legal to marry with parents’ consent at 16, but there is a high divorce rate for those who marry early. Can people of faith buck the trend?

The national statistics for divorce are bad (20% break up over 10 years ) - but the chances of staying together as a cohabiting couple are even worse ( 30% split up over 10 years).

Pregnancy is not a great place to start a marriage, especially if none of the other conditions are right.

Take some time to work through a marriage preparation course.

Test Questions

Try some of these test questions. They won’t all apply to everyone’s situation

Are you independent enough to put your relationship with your partner first – above your mates, your family or your pastimes and hobbies?

Do you both have the same values and outlook on life, which may include the same religion?

Are you willing to let your partner grow and change (views, looks, education , job?) and grow with them?

You know there will be things that annoy you about your partner, and things that annoy them about you. Are you mature enough to talk about them?

Do you have the practical and unbiased support of a community of friends and family?

Are you, as far as you know your own heart, secretly wanting to be married to someone else?

Do you want to get married just because you want sex?

If you are having an arranged marriage, do you know, respect and trust the judgment of the people involved?

Do you have a strong enough relationship that you can talk about practical plans together as well as having fun?

Does your relationship exclude other people or are you able to be friends with others together?