Where I tell microbes to go conjugate themselves.

Why you should be worried about prokaryotes

It’s not what you think. You shouldn’t be scared of prokaryotes because some of them can kill you before you even know what hit you. (Do you really think that the ability to kill stealthily and brutally means anything to these all-knowing, omnipresent, sinister beings?) These self-important little conjugaters think (know?) they have done all there is to be done and know all there is to be known. We need to let them know that just because we can’t just take up DNA doesn’t mean we are second class citizens of evolution. Think what would happen if we all became promiscuous like these ogranelle-less, internal membranes-less prokaryotes and started taking in any piece of DNA that floated by! I vote they stop this nauseating cross-species orgy, sharing so many metabolic pathways and exchanging so many genes. I vote that they stop stealing our souls by coming up with new and brilliant ways to exist. I vote it’s about time they stopped blowing our minds. So while they can go on using all sorts of strange elements and compounds to derive energy and macromolecules required for their growth, let’s tell them what’s what. I’ll start by telling them to GO CONJUGATE THEMSELVES!