the weight of the wait

you guys, waiting is HARD. i’ve been waiting around to sign a contract for the grand apartment for over a month now, and you know what? i don’t like it, not even close, not even a little bit, not at all. bonus points if you got the 10 things i hate about you reference above. though i totally gave it away with that photo, but whatever. when a girl has an excuse to post a picture of heath ledger, she has to take it.

but back to my rant: waiting IS NO FUN. when i put in an offer on the grand apartment, two days before leaving for a week in colombia, my broker was all, i need ALL OF THE THINGS FROM YOU RIGHT NOW and so i scrambled to assemble my financials and sign all of these scary papers (#adulting) while simultaneously trying to pack for a week in south america. i was running around like a blonde chicken with her head cut off. basically, if you can picture me, but with really frizzy hair and no makeup and a crazed expression on my face, you’ll get the idea.

i was frazzled. i was overwhelmed. i was terrified that in gathering all of my financials, and filling out the forms, i’d do the math wrong, or write something incorrect, or just generally, screw it up in some/any way shape or form.

but i did it. i hurried, and i made it happen, and i submitted not just an offer but a counter offer, driving my lovely mortgage broker, doug, crazy in the process (the man shot off about 10 different pre-approval letters in the span of 24 hours).

and then i boarded a plane to cartagena, and in my head, i was all, i totally have this adulting thing under control. I’M A REAL PERSON! i just turned THIRTY, and now i’m buying an APARTMENT, and i’m going to be ON THE BEACH IN COLOMBIA when i get the news that my offer is accepted, and i’m basically just killing life on all levels.

suffice it to say, i got a little ahead of myself. okay, a lot ahead of myself. the week in cartagena went by with no word from eric, my broker. and then i came home, and another week went by, and still, we had no word.

i was definitely, definitively not killing life on all levels.

then, finally, word came, in what was basically the emotional equivalent of a howler. we had what my broker called “verbal confirmation” of an accepted offer, but as it turned out, no contract could be drawn up, and nothing could be signed, because the sellers were an estate, and they hadn’t done any.of.their.paperwork. as in, legally, they couldn’t even sell the place. they didn’t have ANY of their ducks in a row. THEIR DUCKS WERE ALL OVER THE PLACE.

make way for UNORGANIZED DUCKLINGS!

my broker assured me that this was just “a few weeks” away. it was a “relatively painless process” and we just “needed to be patient.”

you know the phrase hurry up and wait? well, that epitomizes this process. i basically drove myself insane putting in an offer right before i left for vacation because the seller was pretty much threatening to give the apartment away to someone else if i didn’t a) come up 30k and b) come up 30k RIGHT NOW.

so then i did just that, and POOF. they weren’t ready. not even a little bit. not at ALL!

to say this part of the process has been frustrating would be the understatement of the century. it’s not even that i’m a particularly impatient person (though i also wouldn’t exactly say patience is my strong suit). it’s that i hate being in limbo. i feel like someone strung me up in a tree by my ankles and told me they’d be back in 30 seconds, and instead, it’s been an excruciating SIX WEEKS. so here i am, dangling, thinking to myself, “are they ever coming back to get me? is anyone going to let me down from here? HELP!”

yes, i know in the above analogy i’d be long dead by now, but you get my point.

the weight of the wait, man. it’s torture! since i haven’t signed anything, none of this is legally binding. which means that technically, someone else could swoop in and take the grand apartment out from under me at any time.

granted, they’ve promised me this won’t happen, but still. LIMBO, you guys. i am a worst case scenario type of person, and right now, any and all worst case scenarios are up for debate.

as of now, i’ve moved forward as much as i possibly could. i’ve met and vetted three contractors. i’ve done 3 separate walk throughs. i’ve verbally agreed to sign away an obscene amount of money. i’ve collected all the documents that the bank will need to give me a mortgage. i’ve pinned the SHIT out of dream kitchens on pinterest. i even started an instagram account!

but beyond that, all i can do is wait. my mortgage broker emailed me this afternoon to check, and when i lamented that we were still (shocker!) waiting, he had this to say: in a few months when you own the place – you’ll hardly remember the process!