Sarah Herron: I left 'Bachelor in Paradise' in shambles, I cried for days over Robert Graham and tried to fix things

By Elizabeth Kwiatkowski, 09/15/2014

Bachelor in Paradise contestant Sarah Herron had admitted upon her show departure she feared she'd come to regret dumping Robert Graham, but her inner struggle was apparently much worse than she let on and could've even anticipated.

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"My relationship with Robert began slowly but continued to gain steady momentum -- the thing we really needed was alone time [overnight]. As viewers saw, Robert is kind and easy on the eyes, but he's guarded and not easy to read. I usually like mysterious guys but Robert is next level. He had a wall up that I was struggling to bring down, so I knew this time alone [in the fantasy suite] would either be exactly what we needed -- or it would be a deal breaker. Unfortunately, it ended up being the latter," Herron wrote in her Parade blog.

"I wasn't able to connect with Robert the way I had wanted that night and I woke up the next morning feeling as though I spent the night with a great friend, not a man who found me irresistible -- physically or emotionally. For this stage of the game, that's not a good feeling to wake up to. I wanted to wake up so in love, bursting at the seams and giddy to be eating breakfast in bed. But I didn't. I felt awkward, uncomfortable, and unloved. I knew in my heart I could not leave Paradise in a relationship with Robert, feeling this way. I had to break up with him."

Herron said breaking up with Graham on Bachelor in Paradisebroke her heart, and had it happened in Los Angeles, she probably would've tried to work things out rather than act so impulsively. Chris Harrison just put so much pressure on the couples to determine immediately whether they'd still like to pursue their relationships in the real world.

"I wondered if I had just made the biggest mistake of my life. Had I overanalyzed the situation and let the pressure of Chris' ultimatum impair my judgment? Here I am looking at a smart, funny, genuine man who has treated me so well, yet I am making him cry. It sucked. This was a man who took me swimming every day, brought me ice cream, sent me sweet notes, called me his 'bae,' and protected me from every new guy that entered Paradise... and he's suddenly not enough. What's wrong with me!? I'm still not sure, but I know I wanted him to fight back," Herron explained.

"Before I left Paradise that day, [Michelle Money] consoled me. She said, 'If Robert really cares for you and is falling in love like he says he is, he will come after you in L.A. You live too close not to make it work if it's meant to be.' I felt comforted by this thought and trusted in her. Nevertheless, I left Paradise in shambles and completely unsure of the decision I made. I cried for days and even attempted to see him in our hotel rooms after we left."

Herron said she "apologized profusely and pleaded for Robert to understand" that she got carried away in her thoughts.

"I confessed that I had put too much pressure on the development of our relationship and inappropriately compared it to [Cody Sattler] and Michelle's and [Marcus Grodd] and [Lacy Faddoul]'s. He calmed me and said we'd figure it out back in L.A. Shortly after, Robert and I met for dinner in Santa Monica. At first, it felt like home -- it was comforting to see him, but within a few minutes I could tell it was ruined. We weren't 'Sarah and Robert' (otherwise known as 'Sarob')," Herron wrote in the Parade blog.

"Like pouring salt into an open wound, watching your break-up play back on national television is pretty much the worst experience ever -- and three months later, I'm still unsure about the way things ended. I don't have answers and I don't have an explanation. I don't know why Robert didn't want more with me in the Fantasy Suite, and I don't know why he sleeps in his jeans. I can only chalk it up to Robert's true disinterest in me -- because I have yet to be proven wrong."

Herron determined the man she's supposed to be with would be "so freaking crazy" about her, he'd fight for her even during her own "moments of crazy."