Sometimes it's hard to be a Dad, a husband, a Catholic, a working class stiff, AND a Conservative Guy in New York State. But then again, sometimes it's kind of funny.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

President Obama Speech to The United Nations

I'm sure other people will be posting about the President's address to the United Nations on Wednesday, September 23rd. Some will love the address, some will hate the address, or possibly, some will not completely understand the address.

I fall into this latter category. I'm not a fan of President Obama by any stretch, but I did want him to take this opportunity to present a fresh, bold face to the world in a room with other leaders from all over the world. I wanted him to champion America, and America's greatness. I wanted him to be cocky about America as he is when he speaks about his own greatness. I wanted him, simply, to do his job and sell America to the world as a great place to be in, live in, and invest in.

He, in a private-sector environment, would be considered the 'CEO of America'! Judging from the following excerpts pulled from Wednesday's speech, I guess the question is:

Would you buy stock in this company (America) given the following sales presentation by CEO Obama?

"I have been in office for just nine months -- though some days it seems a lot longer. I am well aware of the expectations that accompany my presidency around the world. These expectations are not about me. Rather, they are rooted, I believe, in a discontent with a status quo that has allowed us to be increasingly defined by our differences, and outpaced by our problems."

Translation: I'm the new guy and I'm tired. I know you didn't like the previous CEO, but that's not my fault. We have problems, but that's not my fault either. You should have no expectations of me... I just got here.

"To confront climate change, we have invested $80 billion in clean energy. We have substantially increased our fuel-efficiency standards. We have provided new incentives for conservation, launched an energy partnership across the Americas, and moved from a bystander to a leader in international climate negotiations."

Translation: We have spent money, lots of shareholder money, to save thousands of polar bears currently drowning in Alaska. We are also committed to building really small cars which we hope people will want to buy. If they do not want to buy these smaller, less attractive vehicles, we will give them your money to subsidize their purchases from car companies which we now own. And we want YOU to do the same!

"To overcome an economic crisis that touches every corner of the world, we worked with the G20 nations to forge a coordinated international response of over $2 trillion in stimulus to bring the global economy back from the brink."

Translation: We have spent money, lots of money to invest in other companies (countries) which were financially unstable and may have quite possibly gone bankrupt if we didn't give them... your money.

"This is what we have already done. But this is just a beginning. Some of our actions have yielded progress. Some have laid the groundwork for progress in the future. But make no mistake: This cannot solely be America's endeavor. Those who used to chastise America for acting alone in the world cannot now stand by and wait for America to solve the world's problems alone. We have sought -- in word and deed -- a new era of engagement with the world. And now is the time for all of us to take our share of responsibility for a global response to global challenges."

Translation: We need your money because we're expanding our enterprise world-wide! You too can be part of our new world order!

"And sadly, but not surprisingly, this body has often become a forum for sowing discord instead of forging common ground; a venue for playing politics and exploiting grievances rather than solving problems. After all, it is easy to walk up to this podium and point figures -- point fingers and stoke divisions. Nothing is easier than blaming others for our troubles, and absolving ourselves of responsibility for our choices and our actions. Anybody can do that. Responsibility and leadership in the 21st century demand more. "

Translation: Did I mention that I was the NEW guy and NONE of this is my fault?

"We will pursue a new agreement with Russia to substantially reduce our strategic warheads and launchers. We will move forward with ratification of the Test Ban Treaty, and work with others to bring the treaty into force so that nuclear testing is permanently prohibited. We will complete a Nuclear Posture Review that opens the door to deeper cuts and reduces the role of nuclear weapons. And we will call upon countries to begin negotiations in January on a treaty to end the production of fissile material for weapons."

Translation: No longer will we compete with other companies' (countries') products or services, we want to peacefully co-exist with them. We want to make sure that we have no competitive advantage over them whatsoever! Enforcing copyright, patent, and trademark protections are counter-productive to the homoginization of our multiple companies into one, world-wide conglomerate! (Did I say New World Order earlier? Oh yes, I see that I did)

(a.k.a.: "When nukes are outlawed, only outlaws will have nukes")

"The danger posed by climate change cannot be denied. Our responsibility to meet it must not be deferred. If we continue down our current course, every member of this Assembly will see irreversible changes within their borders. Our efforts to end conflicts will be eclipsed by wars over refugees and resources. Development will be devastated by drought and famine. Land that human beings have lived on for millennia will disappear."

Translation: You're all going to die... Come with me if you want to live! (Think Terminator II here)

"We will move forward with investments to transform our energy economy, while providing incentives to make clean energy the profitable kind of energy. We will press ahead with deep cuts in emissions to reach the goals that we set for 2020, and eventually 2050. We will continue to promote renewable energy and efficiency, and share new technologies with countries around the world. And we will seize every opportunity for progress to address this threat in a cooperative effort with the entire world. "

Translation: We will spend our shareholder's money to develop, and give away technology which you people are either not smart enough, or not politically-correct enough, to build yourselves. We will build a new world order and, no, that's not quite right... Come with me if you want to live!

"And those wealthy nations that did so much damage to the environment in the 20th century must accept our obligation to lead. But responsibility does not end there. While we must acknowledge the need for differentiated responses, any effort to curb carbon emissions must include the fast-growing carbon emitters who can do more to reduce their air pollution without inhibiting growth. And any effort that fails to help the poorest nations both adapt to the problems that climate change have already wrought and help them travel a path of clean development simply will not work."

Translation: You people who chose to live in homes, in cities, in suburbs, who chose to work to get your slice of the American dream, buy cars, and burden society with your selfishness -- you will pay for your lack of vision. You shareholders of America must reach out to the poorest nations on Earth. You must reach out not to give them a hand-up; you must pay for these poorest companies on Earth to plant trees in deserts, clean streets of animal waste, make sure they never have the choices we have foolishly made ourselves. We must prepare to welcome them into the new global government! They won't have cars, but at least they won't be stepping in goat pooh as they walk to work in one of our company-owned work centers. We will provide all of their needs and in return, they will provide for us...

WARNING: As always, please don't drive while reading this entry. President Obama's words have been know to cause bouts of euphoria, frustration, lightheadedness, or sometimes even rage (depending on which lower case letter follows your name (i.e.: '-D', '-R', or 'I')).

About the Blogyard

Thanks for stopping by the "MoosRoom". I try not to post 'normal' news (as it is normally depressing). I try to post stuff that I think is funny (well, to me, at least). A 'kinder, gentler' news place for you to get 'Moos'. Seeking truth, humor, the weird and the wonderful which make up the entirety of our lives.

Moo

p.s.: No cows were injured in the generation of this blog. However, a trace amount of methane was released moments ago...

For this, if nothing else, I am sorry.

About Me

My name is Mike Kane. I've been writing stories for years. Most are a release valve from the weirdness of everyday life. Some of these will find their way here, others will fade off into the ether. A select few will be sent via e-mail directly to friends, family, and sometimes complete strangers (you have been warned (assuming that you are 'completely strange')). I've been in Sales all of my adult life. Sometimes sales are good, sometimes sales are bad, but in reality, 'life' is always good (regardless of sales). Well, 'LIFE' is a lot better than the alternative, at least.