~ THIS AND THAT ~

UPDATES ON YOURS TRULY:

Bucket List Update – due to the continuing fighting between Israel and Hamas, as well as the inability to obtain travel insurance to that area, I’ve had to drop out of the trip to Israel with Michael Card, scheduled for early January. While this is a disappointment, I hope to attend a future trip with Michael and his team.

I’m Currently Reading – Heaven is a Place on Earth by Michael E. Wittmer. I’ve always got a number of books going, and a big stack in my ‘on-deck circle’, so click on the link for more info.

IN THE NEWS:

WBNH welcomes Keith & Kristyn Getty and Friends and the Hymns for the Christian Life concert. This will undoubtedly be the inspirational worship concert of the year in our area! Keith and Kristyn appear at Grace Presbyterian Church, Peoria, on Friday evening, October 17, at 7:00 pm. The concert with the Gettys will feature their full stage band and full choir including members of the Grace Presbyterian Church! Tickets are on sale NOW! They are $15 for general admission, $10 each for groups of 10 or more. Children 15 years old and younger will be admitted free with a paid adult, but they will need a ticket. Tickets are available at WBNH, Route 9 at Mayflower Drive just east of Pekin; at Hoerr’s Berean Bookstore in Peoria; and at Christ Church, located at 1301 N. Linden Street just south of Raab Road in Normal. You can also order them on the WBNH website, www.wbnh.org. We saw the Getty’s lead worship at Moody’s Founder’s Week a few years ago. I can’t wait for this concert!

In our weekly Mark Driscoll update, he has stepped down for six weeks while an investigation into the charges against him takes place. Read more here.

FERGUSON, MO. AND RACE RELATIONS:

In this article “I Wonder if Seeing Really is Believing”, pastor Thabiti Anyabwile links to John Piper’s article “Power, Police, and Another Shooting” from the day before which includes real-life footage of another police shooting of a black man in St. Louis. Please beware that a life is taken in this shocking video and it also includes a lot of adult language. When you watch this you have to wonder what is going on with police shooting young black men in St. Louis?http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/thabitianyabwile/2014/08/22/i-wonder-if-seeing-really-is-believing/

R.C. Sproul writes that “Jesus holds the keys to death, and Satan cannot snatch those keys out of His hand. Christ’s grip is firm. He holds the keys because He owns the keys.” Read the rest of his article “Satan Does Not Hold the Keys of Death” here: http://www.ligonier.org/blog/satan-keys-death/

Marshall Segall writes on the Desiring God blog that “True happiness — the kind that really anchors, satisfies, inspires, and lasts — is not something to be taken for granted. It’s not a reasonable, predictable, effortless expectation, not even heading into the freedom and rest of the weekend. Happiness can be very hard work.” Read his article “Four Habits of a Happy Heart” here: http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/four-habits-of-a-happy-heart

Simon Sinek talks about the importance of empathy in his book Leaders Eat Last. Check out this one-minute video from John Maxwell on what empathy means: http://johnmaxwellteam.com/empathy/

I recently completed work on a MATS (Master of Arts in Theological Studies) degree at Covenant Seminary. Over the course of my time at Covenant I was required to attend some classes on site on Covenant’s campus in St. Louis. Covenant has now introduced an MATS that can be completed fully online. Read this article for more information: http://www.covenantseminary.edu/the-thistle/mats-online/

Covenant Seminary is offering the opportunity to audit any approved seminary course at a new low audit rate of $48 per credit hour. This is a significant savings over the previous rate of $240 per credit hour and gives you access to a broader array of classes than before. To find out more read this article: http://www.covenantseminary.edu/the-thistle/new-audit-fees-2014/

BOOKS:

Last week I re-listened to David Platt’s challenging book Radical: Taking Back Your Faithfrom the American Dream. It was the right book for me to listen to at this time, as I love comfort. Platt challenges to get out of our comfortable Americanized Christianity. If you have not read this book, I highly encourage it. It reminds me of John Piper’s Don’t Waste Your Life and Francis Chan’s Crazy Love, as books that have challenged me. You can see our review of the book under “Theology and Miscellaneous Book Reviews” and also check out additional Radical resources here: http://www.radicalthebook.com/

Brandon Heath at the First United Methodist Church in Springfield on October 23.

Russell Moore writes “In recent days, singer/songwriter Vicky Beeching announced that she is a lesbian, and that she disagrees with the historic Christian sexual ethic. Prior to this, Beeching wrote many songs used as praise choruses in evangelical churches. Some are asking if they should continue to sing her songs in corporate worship.” Read the rest of his article “Should We Stop Singing Vicky Beeching Songs” here: http://www.russellmoore.com/2014/08/19/should-we-stop-singing-vicky-beeching-songs/

Lecrae has released a fourth song from his forthcoming Anomaly album, to be released September 9. It is “Say I Won’t” featuring Andy Mineo, and it’s another good one. Can’t wait for the full album!

Melanie Penn is the Creative and Events Director for City to City, Redeemer Presbyterian Church’s (Tim Keller’s church) church-planting ministry, and is also a singer-songwriter. Read more about her in this article titled “Singer in the City”.

In 1967, during the creation of the original Basement Tapes, Bob Dylan left a large number of long-lost handwritten lyrics unrecorded. Now for the first time Elvis Costello, Rhiannon Giddens (Carolina Chocolate Drops), Taylor Goldsmith (Dawes), Jim James (My Morning Jacket), and Marcus Mumford (Mumford & Sons) have come together to create and record new music to these lyrics. The album of 20 completed songs, Lost On The River: The New Basement Tapeswas produced by T Bone Burnett and is slated for release November 11.

MOVIES:

Here’s some early chatter about the new movie Exodus: Gods and Kings, in which one of our best actors Christian Bale will star as Moses. I’m sure we will hear a lot more about this film before its release.

“That’s cool but partner this just in
That you going live forever whether you want to or not
Some of us going end up holy some of us going end up hot.”
-“No Regrets” by Lecrae

The 5 Love Languages Book Club

Last week, Tammy and I completed our summer book club of Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to a Love that Lasts. We covered chapters eleven, twelve and the rest of the book. Here are a few passages we highlighted:

Chapter 11 Love Makes the Difference

Love is not our only emotional need. Psychologists have observed that among our basic needs are the need for security, self-worth, and significance. Love, however, interfaces with all of those.

If I feel loved by my spouse, I can relax, knowing that my lover will do me no ill. I feel secure in her presence.

My sense of self-worth is fed by the fact that my spouse loves me. After all, if she loves me, I must be worth loving.

Feeling loved by a wife or husband enhances our sense of significance. We reason, if someone loves me, I must have significance. Without love, I may spend a lifetime in search of significance, self-worth, and security.

When I experience love, I am more secure in my self-worth and can now turn my efforts outward instead of being obsessed with my own needs. True love always liberates.

Love is not the answer to everything, but it creates a climate of security in which we can seek answers to those things that bother us. In the security of love, a couple can discuss differences without condemnation. Conflicts can be resolved. Two people who are different can learn to live together in harmony. We discover how to bring out the best in each other. Those are the rewards of love.

Can emotional love be reborn in a marriage? You bet. The key is to learn the primary love language of your spouse and choose to speak it.

What does your spouse do to make you feel more “significant”? How about what you do for them?

Chapter 12 – Loving the Unlovely

In what many have called Jesus’ greatest sermon, I read the following words, which I call love’s greatest challenge. I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. . . . Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even “sinners” love those who love them.

Is it possible to love a spouse who has become your enemy? Is it possible to love one who has cursed you, mistreated you, and expressed feelings of contempt and hate for you? And if she could, would there be any payback? Would her husband ever change and begin to express love and care for her?

I was astounded by this further word from Jesus’ sermon: “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

“As I understand that, Jesus is stating a principle, not a way to manipulate people. Generally speaking, if we are kind and loving toward people, they will tend to be kind and loving toward us. That does not mean that we can make a person kind by being kind to him. We are independent agents. Thus, we can spurn love and walk away from love or even spit into the face of love.”

That is why loving someone who is not loving you is extremely difficult. It goes against our natural tendencies. You will probably have to rely heavily upon your faith in God in order to do this. Perhaps it will help if you read again Jesus’ sermon on loving your enemies, loving those who hate you, loving those who use you. And then ask God to help you practice the teachings of Jesus.”

“Perhaps it would be helpful for us to distinguish between love as a feeling and love as an action,” I said. “If you claim to have feelings that you do not have, that is hypocritical and such false communication is not the way to build intimate relationships. But if you express an act of love that is designed for the other person’s benefit or pleasure, it is simply a choice. You are not claiming that the action grows out of a deep emotional bonding. You are simply choosing to do something for his benefit. I think that must be what Jesus meant.

Perhaps you need a miracle in your own marriage. Tell your spouse that you have been thinking about your marriage and have decided that you would like to do a better job of meeting his/her needs. Ask for suggestions on how you could improve. His suggestions will be a clue to his primary love language. If he makes no suggestions, guess his love language based on the things he has complained about over the years. Then, for six months, focus your attention on that love language. At the end of each month, ask your spouse for feedback on how you are doing and for further suggestions. Whenever your spouse indicates that he is seeing improvement, wait one week and then make a specific request. The request should be something you really want him to do for you. If he chooses to do it, you will know that he is responding to your needs. If he does not honor your request, continue to love him. Maybe next month he will respond positively. If your spouse starts speaking your love language by responding to your requests, your positive emotions toward him will return, and in time your marriage will be reborn. I cannot guarantee the results, but scores of people whom I have counseled have experienced the miracle of love.

Choosing to love and expressing it in the primary love language of their spouse has made a drastic difference in their marriage. When the emotional need for love is met, it creates a climate where the couple can deal with the rest of life in a much more productive manner.

With empty love tanks, couples tend to argue and withdraw, and some may tend to be violent verbally or physically in their arguments. But when the love tank is full, we create a climate of friendliness, a climate that seeks to understand, that is willing to allow differences and to negotiate problems. I am convinced that no single area of marriage affects the rest of marriage as much as meeting the emotional need for love.

The ability to love, especially when your spouse is not loving you, may seem impossible for some. Such love may require us to draw upon our spiritual resources.

Does your love language change as you get older? I think that our primary love language tends to stay with us for a lifetime. It is like many other personality traits that develop early and remain consistent.

Does the five love language concept work with children?

Do children’s love languages change when they get to be teenagers?

What if the primary love language of your spouse is difficult for you?

Are some of the love languages found more among women and others with men?

How did you discover the five love languages?

Do the love languages work in other cultures?

Why do you think The Five Love Languages has been so successful?

What if I speak my spouse’s love language and they don’t respond?

Can love be reborn after sexual infidelity?

What do you do when a spouse refuses to speak your love language even when they know it?

Can emotional love return when it has been gone for thirty years?

I’m single. How does the love language concept apply to me?

The Five Love Languages Profile for Husbands and Wives. An interactive version of this Personal Profile is also available at www.5lovelanguages.com.

Next week we will start a new book Visions of Vocation: Common Grace for the Common Good by Steven Garber. Garber was the speaker at my graduation ceremonies at Covenant Seminary in May. Won’t you join us?

“Every time I look in the mirror
I’m in a shadow of doubt
Maybe I’m as lost as the next guy
Just have to find, just have to find out.”
-From “Reckless Forgiver” by Jars of Clay

“Understanding our calling is not just about finding purpose in our work but finding purpose in everything we do – understanding that we are on a mission for God.” Read this article “Are You Connected to a Higher Purpose at Work?”, the final part in the “Four Ways to Change How You See Work”.

In this fourth article in the “Idols at Work” series, Greg Ayers writes that “It’s strange to think of someone treating their anxieties as idols. People don’t consciously worship their lack of confidence. So how is insecurity an idol? More importantly, how does insecurity impact our ability to serve God through our vocations?

“Grouches of the world unite!
Stand up for your grouchly rights!
Don’t let the sunshine spoil the rain
Just stand up and complain.
Let this be the grouches’ cause: Point out everybody’s flaws!
Something is wrong with everything
Except the way I sing!”

In last summer’s “Calling, Vocation and Work” course, taught by Professors Williams and Matthews, I got my first interest in seeing how I could integrate my faith with my work. Recently, I started a book club at work with a few friends to read and discuss The Gospel at Work by Sebastian Traeger and Greg Gilbert. My hope is that this book club will be the beginning of a local “Faith and Work Movement”. Read the highlights from Chapter 3 “The Gospel in the Workplace”, which we discussed in our second session.

This post is a recognition that evangelicalism is useless in its own back yard, with its own neighbors, while it changes its twitter avatars to identify with persecuted Christians half a world away.

Orthodox evangelicalism is dead to the marginalized because it’s so allergic to the margins. It wants its mainstream, its tree-lined streets of cultural acceptance, its reserve and respectability….the church has turned her head, closed her eyes, and pressed tight her lips.

“Well, the most pervasive mistake I have made was in believing that because our cause was just, we could be sure that the white ministers of the South, once their Christian consciences were challenged, would rise to our aid. I felt that white ministers would take our cause to the white power structures. I ended up, of course, chastened and disillusioned.” Martin Luther King in his book, Why We Can’t Wait

I have been concerned about the militarization of the police (using tanks, etc.). I realize their rationalization is that they want to be as well armed as the criminals. I am ashamed of strong-arm robbery and the rioting and looting occurring in Ferguson. Before the shooting of Michael Brown, I watched the video of an unarmed man, Eric Garner, choked to death by NYC police. What was his crime? He allegedly possessed “untaxed cigarettes.” I love our police protection, but they have options available to them before using deadly force. What has happened to the Protect and Serve attitude vs. looking at community members with distrust and suspicion?

It has been 13 days since Michael Brown was shot and killed. We have not heard the official autopsy results, nor have we heard the officer’s account of what happened. If it was a police officer that was shot and killed, do you think 13 days would go by without information on the investigation? It’s time for Christian people to stand up for justice. If our leaders won’t show leadership courage then we need to start a grassroots movement.

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God? Micah 6:8

Ice Bucket Challenge Inspires Unprecedented Giving to ALS

The ALS “Ice Bucket Challenge” is filling social media feeds and celebrities have joined in on the craze. The challenge has helped raise $15.6 million in donations, compared with only $1.8 million during the same time period last year, according to the ALS Association

In this three-minute video, John Piper continues his series, in partnership with YouVersion, through the Bible’s ten most-highlighted passages. With these verses, he wants you to avoid wasting your life by staying in the path of God’s grace and purpose for you.

Bryan Chapell is the senior pastor at Grace Presbyterian Church and former long-time president at Covenant Seminary. His new book is The Gospel According to Daniel: A Christ Centered Approach. Read this interview with him from By Faith magazine: http://byfaithonline.com/the-gospel-according-to-daniel/

“Don’t try to fix it. I just need you to listen.” Every man has heard these words. Perhaps you’ve seen “It’s Not About the Nail” before, but even if you have, it’s worth seeing again. Check it out here: http://vimeo.com/66753575

Aimee Byrd asks “Should we allow our kids to date or not to allow them to date? If so, what age will they be allowed? These are the questions my husband and I are up against now that our daughters are reaching that mysterious age” Read her article “To Date or Not to Date” here: http://www.reformation21.org/blog/2014/08/to-date-or-not-to-date.php

Churchgoing Christians who support same-sex marriage are more likely to think pornography, cohabitation, hook-ups, adultery, polyamory, and abortion are acceptable. And it’s reasonable to expect continued change in more permissive directions. Read the full article here: http://www.thepublicdiscourse.com/2014/08/13667/

Upcoming music releases this week include 20 by Jars of Clay, Anchor by Colton Dixon, Oxygen by Lincoln Brewster and In Motion: The Remixes by Amy Grant.

Tickets for Keith and Kristyn Getty’s October 17 concert at Grace Presbyterian Church in Peoria go on sale later this month. If you sign up to receive the WBNH radio newsletter you will be able to purchase discounted tickets. Read more here: http://www.wbnh.org/about-us/good-newsletter/

It’s been a busy year for Michael W. Smith. First he released Hymns, a collection of traditional hymns for Cracker Barrel, then he released Sovereign, a new worship album, and on September 30, he will release his fourth Christmas album, The Spirit of Christmas with friends such as Bono, Michael McDonald, Carrie Underwood, Amy Grant and others. Read more here: http://michaelwsmith.com/michael-w-smith-to-bring-nostalgia-back-this-christmas/

My good friend Chris Meyer has a band that I’d like to tell you about. It’s not just any band. They are a self-described group of normal folks who love music and give back to their community. So they take 80% of the funds they bring in and give it back to families and individuals in need (20% is needed for equipment, printing, etc.). They do not personally take any funds from their shows. Blurklezurps is a made up name that one of the band members used as a kid when his brother would ask him what was wrong with him as he had Tourette Syndrome (TS). The band decided they loved this name for two reasons: First, no one in the band had had TS! Second, they are just a bunch of people who make mistakes and deal with everyday life like everyone else – they are just a bunch of Zurps! The Zurps started out 7 years ago and feel very fortunate to have helped numerous families and individuals in need over this time. Chris says that “To see the smiles, tears, hugs, and to see some of them healed and then also to mourn with those that lost the battle but in the end they came to know Christ, that is a biggest gift our group has known – to know we touched a life that in turn gave theirs to God!” To find out more about the band and see where they are playing next, check out their website: www.theblurklezurps.com

IN THE NEWS:

Russell Moore writes about the shootings and subsequent violence in Ferguson (St. Louis) last week. He writes “Ferguson reminds us that American society has a long way to go in healing old hatreds. Our churches are not outposts of American society. Our churches are to be colonies of the kingdom of God. Let’s not just announce what unity and reconciliation ought to look like. Let’s also show it.” Read his article here.

Did you read about the $1 million baseball memorabilia find on the PBS Antiques Roadshow program recently? If not, check this out.

ROBIN WILLIAMS:Courtesy of World Magazine

In the wake of Robin Williams’ tragic suicide, this article from Desiring God encourages those who are fighting for dear life to remember and believe that life is worth living, and “…. not listen to the darkness and it’s seductive, hope-depleting half-truth lies. It leads to a black hole. Listen to and move toward the Light. Light will dawn for those who trust him (Psalm 112:4). It’s a promise.” Read the article “Help for Those Fighting or Grieving a Suicide” here: http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/help-for-those-fighting-or-grieving-a-suicide

Thoughts on Robin Williams ~ From Guest Blogger Katie Krolik

Terrible news last night. Peter Pan, Mrs. Doubtfire, and Genie…is gone. It’s hard to believe that someone who brought so much joy and, by all human standards, “had it all” left the world in such a dark way.

I would never claim to be remotely profound, in fact, 99 percent of the time I either don’t know what to say or I say completely the wrong thing. But, as I was driving to work this morning and nearly every radio station was talking about Robin, it had me thinking.

There is a lot of talk about mental illness in light of Robin’s passing. No doubt, depression is a very real and ugly thing. I’ve lived through that darkness and it was scary. By God’s grace, I was pulled out of the muck and found a reason to have hope.

Sometimes though, I think the term “mental illness” can be used a little loosely. Sometimes I think it is similar to the way that multitudes of excited, energetic kids are quickly “diagnosed” with ADD/ADHD and put on medication. Guess what, they are KIDS, and kids are usually energetic. (By the way, Ethan was one of those kids. His 1st grade teacher suggested that we have him tested and put on meds. Funny, after she moved his seat from facing directly in front of the class computer, and away from a group of other “talkers”, he showed no other signs of “ADD”. He doesn’t have ADD, she had way too many distractions around a young boy. At the end of the year, she admitted that she was completely wrong to try to diagnose him.)

Similarly, I think there should be a clearer identification and more education on what is and what are the signs of true clinical depression. It is our human condition to go through valleys. That doesn’t always equate to mental illness. There is a part of us that is missing, incomplete. We are lacking something, and we are all looking for something to fill the void. That is ingrained in all of us. But on top of that, God sometimes allows us to experience pain, hurt, disappointment, betrayal, and loss. Why? I learned that unfortunately, we don’t always get the answers this side of eternity. But, we know from His truth that He does all things out of love. That is who He is. I think He uses pain to teach us, bring us closer to Him, show us how weak we are and our need for Him, and even to bless us.

At the end of the day, we are not much different than Robin. We ALL have the capacity for self-destruction. We all are in need of a loving Savior to save us from ourselves. To love us when we don’t love ourselves. And to adore us when we feel utterly alone.

We will experience pain. That is a promise that comes from scripture. But where do we get our hope from? If we rely on the things of the world, when the valley comes, and inevitably it will, what will we have to stand on, to look to, to pull us up and give us a reason for hope? I am ‘Chief of Sinners’, and I am still learning every day. But by God’s constant prodding (because I am a slow learner), I lean more on Him as the source of my joy and certainly my hope. People will fail me, things lose their shine, and money is an imaginary security that can be gone tomorrow. When I was in the depths of despair from when I was 18 to 24, dealing with/running from tremendous grief and hurt, God was the one who rescued me time and time again. He loved me before I loved Him, before I surrendered to Him, and when I was in the midst of my sin. He gave me a reason to not only live, but to really breath in the freedom from darkness that only His power can bring.

The point of this is, when you hear the term “mental illness”, don’t let it gloss over the fact that in a way, we all have an illness. It is called sin and it makes us less than what we were designed to be. Sometimes medication is an absolute necessity. But I think the first question we have to ask is if our hurt is from a regular human longing that can only be cured by the ultimate Healer. His name is Jesus.

“You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise you forever.” Psalm 30:11-12

Quotable

A religion of head-knowledge and theories will prove of no avail either in this life or that which is to come. -C.H. Spurgeon

Quotable

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus to all of my haters For the ones that think I forgot Him And the ones who won’t let me say it I ain’t scared no more. -Lecrae from “Fear”

One of the balances we have with our work is finding a good work/life balance. Tim Challies writes that “One thing to keep in mind: There are many jobs and many vocations, but the Lord gives you only one family, one opportunity to love your wife as Christ loved the church and one opportunity to raise your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. “ Read his article “How Many Hours Can I Work?” here: http://www.challies.com/christian-living/how-many-hours-can-i-work

This article from Desiring God states that “We humans are always seeking to discover new keys to success. But nowadays we’re hearing more and more about something of a rediscovery – grit”. Read the entire article “True Grit” here: http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/true-grit

What’s Best Next Book Club – Part 3

What’s Best Next: How the Gospel Transforms the Way You Get Things Done by Matt Perman

The 5 Love Languages Book Club Week Nine

Last week, Tammy and I continued our summer book club of Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to a Love that Lasts. We covered chapter ten: Love is a Choice. Here are a few passages we highlighted:

Love doesn’t erase the past, but it makes the future different. When we choose active expressions of love in the primary love language of our spouse, we create an emotional climate where we can deal with our past conflicts and failures.

It’s the “I don’t love her anymore” mind-set that gives men the emotional freedom to seek love with someone else. The same is true for wives who use the same excuse.

Thousands of husbands and wives have been there—emotionally empty, wanting to do the right thing, not wanting to hurt anyone, but being pushed by their emotional need to seek love outside the marriage.

Fortunately, I had discovered in the earlier years of my own marriage the difference between the in-love experience and the emotional need to feel loved. Most in our society have not yet learned that difference.

The in-love experience that we discussed in chapter 3 is on the level of instinct. It is not premeditated; it simply happens in the normal context of male-female relationships. It can be fostered or quenched, but it does not arise by conscious choice. It is short-lived (usually two years or less) and seems to serve for humankind the same function as the mating call of the Canada goose.

The in-love experience temporarily meets one’s emotional need for love. In time, however, we come down from that natural high back to the real world. If our spouse has learned to speak our primary love language, our need for love will continue to be satisfied. If, on the other hand, he or she does not speak our love language, our tank will slowly drain, and we will no longer feel loved. Meeting that need in one’s spouse is definitely a choice. If I learn the emotional love language of my spouse and speak it frequently, she will continue to feel loved.

However, if I have not learned her primary love language or have chosen not to speak it, when she descends from the emotional high, she will have the natural yearnings of unmet emotional needs. After some years of living with an empty love tank, she will likely “fall in love” with someone else, and the cycle will begin again.

Meeting my wife’s need for love is a choice I make each day. If I know her primary love language and choose to speak it, her deepest emotional needs will be met and she will feel secure in my love. If she does the same for me, my emotional needs are met and both of us live with a full tank.

Few men, suffering from an empty emotional love tank, leave their marriage until they have prospects of meeting that need somewhere else.

Speak it frequently. “What if the love language of your spouse is something that doesn’t come naturally for you?” I am often asked this question at my marriage seminars, and my answer is, “So?” You see, when an action doesn’t come naturally to you, it is a greater expression of love.

Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself.

We discover the primary love language of our spouse, and we choose to speak it whether or not it is natural for us. We are not claiming to have warm, excited feelings. We are simply choosing to do it for his or her benefit. We want to meet our spouse’s emotional need, and we reach out to speak his love language. In so doing, his emotional love tank is filled and chances are he will reciprocate and speak our language. When he does, our emotions return, and our love tank begins to fill.

Love is a choice. And either partner can start the process today.

A key thought here is the idea of speaking our mate’s love language whether or not it is natural for us. Why do you think this is so fundamental to a healthy marriage?

Next week we will cover the two remaining chapters and finish our study of the book. Won’t you join us?

Hymns for the Christian Life fall concert tour with Keith & Kristyn Getty and Friends is coming to Peoria.
Go to https://www.gettymusic.com/, and be sure to watch the video on the front page!
WHERE: Grace Presbyterian Church, 8607 N. State Route 91, Peoria, IL 61615
WHEN: Friday, October 17, 2014, 7:00 pm (there will be a Pastor’s/Worship Leaders luncheon at Noon)

We hope you enjoy our blog. Our desire is to serve our readers. If you enjoy the blog, would you consider posting a link to your Facebook site so that your friends can enjoy it? Thanks for helping us get the word out! Bill and Tammy

Pastor Mark Driscoll is the founding pastor of Mars Hill Church—based in Seattle, Washington and the author of over 15 books. Mars Hill Church grew beyond all expectations to 13,000 people (and counting) and gathers weekly across 15 locations in five states. In 2012, Mars Hill was recognized as the third fastest growing church in the country.

Mark Driscoll, who is showing up in the news more and more, and not for positive reasons, apologized to his congregation for comments he posted under the name of William Wallace II back in 2000 that have recently resurfaced. Read the story here.

LifeWay Christian Resources, which bills itself as “one of the world’s largest providers of Christian products and services,” announced that it had pulled Mark Driscoll’s books from their website and more than 180 stores nationwide. Read the article here.

What is the key to sexual happiness? This article from Desiring God states that “It is learning that sex isn’t everything; God is. Marriage isn’t everything; God is. Though they are all good gifts in their rightful context, they fail in comparison to the eternal glory and awesome wonder of our God. True happiness always comes from trusting and enjoying God.” Read the article here: http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/the-single-man-s-journey-to-sexual-happiness

A great way to start the day is to listen to Albert Mohler’s The Briefing, a daily worldview analysis about the leading news headlines and cultural conversations. This will be some of the best twenty minutes you will spend each day. You can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or listen on Dr. Mohler’s website here: http://www.albertmohler.com/category/the-briefing/

In addition to their primary site (www.ligonier.org), Ligonier Ministries has two sites that I would like to recommend to you. They are Renewing Your Mind (www.renewingyourmind.org), which contains the daily radio program, and RefNet (www.refnet.fm), which features 7 X 24 of excellent teaching from R.C. Sproul, Alistair Begg, John MacArthur, Albert Mohler, Ravi Zacharias and others.

My friend Freddie Cornejo makes wonderful signs on a machine that he built (see the one below that he made for me which is in my office at work). The signs are available at a very reasonable price. To find out more and see other samples of his work, go to his Creative Routing Facebook site.

Russell Moore writes that the article profiling the “abortion ministry” of Willie Parker in the current issue of Esquire magazine is one of the most disturbing he’s ever read. Read the rest of Dr. Moore’s article here.

This article from Christianity Today states that we need to remember that leadership is Biblical, theological, and contextual. Read the article here.

John Maxwell writes that “Asking the right question of the right person at the right time is a powerful combination because the answers you receive set you up for success.” He has written Good Leaders Ask Great Questions, which comes out this October, to show the impact that questions have made on his life, share the leadership questions he asks himself and others and answer questions from others. Read more in this article titled “You Only Get Answers to the Questions You Ask” here.

And speaking of The Banner of Truth Trust, they are in the process of adding e-books to their store. That’s great news. We’ll let you know when they are available.

MUSIC ~

Trip Lee will return this fall with Rise, his first album in more than two years. A book Rise: Get Up and Live in God’s Great Story will follow in January.

To celebrate 20 years of music making, Jars of Clay has recorded a collection of 20 intimate acoustic versions of their songs chosen by their fans. The project has two songs from each of their studio albums recorded live, along with the accompaniment of small string ensembles, and a few friends. The album, which releases August 19, also includes two new tracks.

Lecrae is a believer who is a making a difference in the rap/hip-hop culture. His Anomaly may be my most anticipated album of the year. It will released on September 9, though he has released three songs thus far to those who have pre-ordered the album, including the lead single “Nuthin”, a message to today’s music artists who aren’t saying anything. Here are the lyrics:

(Chorus) Here we go again in circles
I think I heard it all
We been here before
But we need something more
Something more
Something more
What you say
I can’t hear cause you

Ain’t talking ’bout nuthin (ain’t talking ’bout nuthin)

What you talking ’bout
They be talking ’bout the same old thing
Imma have to call a foul in the game
What you talking ’bout
A little money now you all OG
Talking ’bout it’s all eyes on me
They ain’t talking ’bout nuthin

Let me guess you counting money to the ceiling
Difference ‘tween us like at least a couple million
It’s foreign cars, pretty girls everywhere you go
Yeah I heard it 30 times on the radio
Lou Vuitton ain’t gon’ pay you for that bragging
And Donatella prolly never heard your album
Yeah they probably ’bout to label me a hater
But I know these people greater than the songs they created
It’s little homies in the hood regurgitating
And everybody watching thinking that you made it
The truth is for a few designer labels and a little bit of paper now you 12 years slaving
Hey but you ain’t Lupita
So why you beat up and pushing people to lean on the devil
Copping a seizure
It sound like you put your feet up
You still a slave and money can’t buy you freedom partna’

Tell me why the song’s on in my car (hear the radio)
Why the song on in my gym (what they saying now)
And the song’s stuck in my head (I can’t take no more)
I still don’t know what y’all saying
Lemme lemme lemme do this
Imma be a straight shooter
And we was made in his image
Why we so Judas
Talking bread like we at the last supper
Throwing money at these women make it rain in the summer
I ain’t advertising brands on the radio
They expensive and I know they ain’t gon’ pay me for
Telling kids to go in debt, for the ‘vette that they’ll prolly never get
But I talk about it every song
And every song talking ’bout they selling work on every corner
Don’t talk about the laws, taking kids away from mommas
Don’t talk about your homie in the trauma cause he shot up
Or what about your young boy messing up the product
They don’t talk about the bond money that they ain’t have
And everybody snitch on everybody in the jam
They don’t talk about the pain, they don’t talk about the struggle
How they turn to the Lord when they ran into trouble
Imma talk about it
I don’t care if the world try to swallow me
I turn my back to ’em, tell ’em all follow me
I know you gon’ label me a hater
But inside you are greater than the songs you creating man

Hey man, the way I see it
I think we were made for more
Than just, ya know, the simple things that we aspire toward
We were made for more than just telling stories about
How much money we can get by selling poison to people
It’s time to talk about who we are and who we can be
And we need to build each other up and not put each other down
I feel like we not talking about nothing right now

Integrating Faith and Work

Am I desiring and seeking the temporal and eternal good of my neighbor with the same zeal, ingenuity and perseverance that I seek my own? -John Piper

The more a person counts as loss his own righteousness and lays hold by faith of the righteousness of Christ, the more he will be motivated to live and work for Christ. -Jerry Bridges

Here’s an article from the Your Work Matters series about who is influencing who at work. I think it will resonate with most, if not all of us.

Read this article from the Leadership Journal which states: “As pastors, we would do well to heed the question of Dorothy Sayers: “How can anyone remain interested in a religion which seems to have no concern with nine-tenths of his life?” Any religion with little concern about the coalescence of faith and work must derive from a different book than the Bible.” Read the article “Where is God on Monday” here: http://www.christianitytoday.com/le/2014/july/where-is-god-on-monday.html

Tim Challies writes that “Work has intrinsic significance because it gives me the opportunity to do something with joy—with joy in the Lord. I can do my work in such a way that it glorifies God, or I can do it in such a way that it dishonors him. Anything I can do to God’s glory has significance. It has great significance!” Read his entire article “Work That Makes a Difference” here: http://www.challies.com/christian-living/work-that-makes-a-difference

Here is another article in the “Idols at Work” series, this one on redeeming power at work. It’s worth your time to read.

Andy Stanley’s leadership podcast is one of my favorites. In the latest episode he talks about being a “Beyond You” leader, something he spoke on at this year’s Leadercast event. You can listen to the podcast at this site http://andystanley.com/free-resources/ under “Podcasts”. You can review my notes from Andy’s Leadercast talk below:

Andy Stanley opened the event, and it was his job to tell us what it means to be a “Beyond You” leader, and to create a “Beyond You” culture in your organization. He stated:

“Beyond You” leaders fearlessly and selflessly empower leaders around them as well as those coming alongside them.

Fearlessly. Leaders who are not afraid of the 25 year-old kid who is smarter than you. “Beyond You” leaders will pour themselves these leaders even though they may take their place someday.

Empower. Every leader has power. What leaders need to learn is how to leverage your power/influence for the sake of those around you.

Andy stated that the Big Idea is: The value of a life is always measured by how much of it was given away. He said that this is often apparent when we hear about the impact someone has had on others at their funeral.

We should spend more time on leveraging influence for the sake of others rather than accumulation.

He gave us three things to begin doing:

Make as few decisions as possible. Refuse to make decisions that other people can make. This is empowering. We need to say: “You decide”. As your organizational authority increases, your organizational IQ decreases. As you go up, you’ll know less and less about more and more things because you are responsible for more. You have authority, but not competency. Just because I have the authority, I don’t have to use it. Give it to others.

Work for your team. “Beyond Leaders” ask: “What can I do to help?” How can I leverage my influence/power/position to help you do what I’ve hired you to do? How can I work for you? I want to loan you my influence/power/position. Ask for 1-3 things you can do to assist your team members.

Empty your cup. “Beyond Leaders” should ask: “What can I do to fill their cup”? Some object and say that they will do this when they’re the boss. No, start now.

The 5 Love Languages Book Club

Last week, Tammy and I continued our summer book club of Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to a Love that Lasts. We covered chapter nine: Discovering Your Own Love Language. Here are a few passages we highlighted:

Discovering the primary love language of your spouse is essential if you are to keep their emotional love tank full. But first, let’s make sure you know your own love language.

What is your primary love language? What makes you feel most loved by your spouse? What do you desire above all else? If the answer to those questions does not leap to your mind immediately, perhaps it will help to look at the negative use of love languages. What does your spouse do or say or fail to do or say that hurts you deeply?

If it grieves you deeply that your spouse seldom gives you a gift for any occasion, then perhaps your primary love language is “Receiving Gifts.” If your deepest hurt is that your spouse seldom gives you quality time, then that is your primary love language.

Another approach to discovering your primary love language is to look back over your marriage and ask, “What have I most often requested of my spouse?” Whatever you have most requested is probably in keeping with your primary love language.

Another way to discover your primary love language is to examine what you do or say to express love to your spouse. Chances are what you are doing for her is what you wish she would do for you.

Thus, you may discover your own language by asking, “How do I consciously express my love to my spouse?”

I have suggested three ways to discover your own primary love language:

What does your spouse do or fail to do that hurts you most deeply? The opposite of what hurts you most is probably your love language.

What have you most often requested of your spouse? The thing you have most often requested is likely the thing that would make you feel most loved.

In what way do you regularly express love to your spouse? Your method of expressing love may be an indication that that would also make you feel loved.

Two kinds of people may have difficulty discovering their primary love language. The first is the individual whose emotional love tank has been full for a long time. The second is the individual whose love tank has been empty for so long that he doesn’t remember what makes him feel loved. In either case, go back to the experience of falling in love and ask yourself, “What did I like about my spouse in those days? What did he do or say that made me desire to be with him?” If you can conjure up those memories, it will give you some idea of your primary love language.

Another approach would be to ask yourself, “What would be an ideal spouse to me? If I could have the perfect mate, what would she be like?” Your picture of a perfect mate should give you some idea of your primary love language.

Having said all of that, let me suggest that you spend some time writing down what you think is your primary love language. Then list the other four in order of importance. Also write down what you think is the primary love language of your spouse. You may also list the other four in order of importance if you wish. Sit down with your spouse and discuss what you guessed to be his/her primary love language. Then tell each other what you consider to be your own primary love language.

Once you have shared that information, I suggest that you play the following game three times a week for three weeks. The game is called “Tank Check,” and it is played like this. When you come home, one of you says to the other, “On a scale of zero to ten, how is your love tank tonight?” Zero means empty, and ten means “I am full of love and can’t handle any more.” You give a reading on your emotional love tank—10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, or 0, indicating how full it is. Your spouse says, “What could I do to help fill it?” Then you make a suggestion—something you would like your spouse to do or say that evening. To the best of his ability, he will respond to your request. Then you ask your spouse the same questions, in the reverse order so that both of you have the opportunity to do a reading on your love tank and to make a suggestion toward filling it. If you play the game for three weeks, you will be hooked on it, and it can be a playful way of stimulating love expressions in your marriage. Incidentally, if you have still not discovered your primary love language, keep records on the Tank Check game. When your spouse says, “What could I do to help fill your tank?” your suggestions will likely cluster around your primary love language. You may request things from all five love languages, but you will have more requests centering on your primary love language.

Accusations of Christian narcissism? That hurts my pride and self-esteem! Can we please mull over her comments before we shout our knee-jerk reactions?

Does it reek of elitism to spend $2 million to send Americans back to the USA to receive a special treatment currently unavailable in the rest of the world? The Good Samaritan might have sent ‘one of the least of these’ from Liberia to receive treatment instead. Or maybe ask that the $2 million dollars be spent to make more of the vaccine to be shipped over to Liberia.

Ann’s next question is a good one, “Can’t anyone serve Christ in America anymore?” As she sarcastically states, “America is in a pitched battle for its soul but… no, there’s nothing for a Christian to do here.” Let’s be honest, you’re a lot more glamorous in your home church when you go on a week’s missions trip overseas than when you faithfully and quietly serve those in need here at home. Hence, Ann’s example:

Right there in Texas, near where Dr. Brantly left his wife and children to fly to Liberia and get Ebola, is one of the poorest counties in the nation, Zavala County — where he wouldn’t have risked making his wife a widow and his children fatherless. But serving the needy in some deadbeat town in Texas wouldn’t have been “heroic.” We wouldn’t hear all the superlatives about Dr. Brantly’s “unusual drive to help the less fortunate” or his membership in the “Gold Humanism Honor Society.” Leaving his family behind in Texas to help the poor 6,000 miles away — that’s the ticket.

Would I dare make the suggestion that the $40,000 your church collected to send teenagers to help at the orphanage in Guatemala for a week be better spent? Maybe send the $40,000 to the orphanage to build their own school and send the teenagers to a local rescue mission to experience serving? Did the kids raise that $40,000 themselves by working – raking leaves, washing windows… or did mom and dad help them send out a few fundraising letters so other people could pay for their trip? More things to mull over before piling on.

People! (As my sister the teacher always says) – It’s not an either/or situation. We serve Christ here at home and overseas. Ann is just pointing out our desperate need to address “the virus of spiritual bankruptcy and moral decadence” here in America. I think that would preach well on a Sunday morn’n!

Ann’s next point – are we tired of fighting the culture wars here in the good ol’ USA and instead go serve in third world countries? There’s a few folks that are vocal, but the rest of us (including me) sit back in our comfort and security and keep our lips zipped. I love Lecrae, a Christian rapper, who is taking on an entire rap/hip-hop culture in need of redemption. Not in an arrogant, ‘looking down my nose at you’ way, but entering in by using his gifts and making a huge difference.

By the way, I love medical missions and the hearts of those willing to serve and sacrifice in those areas, but let’s stay on point. We’re examining ourselves in regards to narcissism. We love to ‘throw money over the wall’ into Christian organizations, but are we really willing to get out of our comfortable lives and fly to Liberia, quietly serve at a local medical clinic or speak up against political correctness? Remember, my argument is that both are correct – medical missions to Liberia AND serving here in America. Since I’ve been reading Eric Metaxas’ biography of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, I thought this quote from Martin Niemöller might spur us on.
Martin Niemöller (1892-1984) was a prominent Protestant pastor who emerged as an outspoken public foe of Adolf Hitler and spent the last seven years of Nazi rule in concentration camps.

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out–Because I was not a Socialist. Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out– Because I was not a Trade Unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out– Because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me–and there was no one left to speak for me.

I ask the Christian community to set aside Ann Coulter’s inflammatory language (that’s what has brought her notoriety and it works!) and examine the questions she poses. We also need to question our reactions when someone says something we disagree with. Can we continue a dialogue, or just respond with “If you remain a fan of Ann Coulter after reading this, you are as pathetic as she is.” That name-calling stuff is just ugly; just as ugly as calling someone’s choices ‘idiotic’ or ‘pagan foolishness’. That sort of reminds me of liberal-leaning folks that call me a ‘homophobe’ when I disagree with them, or that won’t shop at Hobby Lobby, or won’t eat at Chick-Fil-A because they disagree with the owner’s beliefs. Hmmmm….

Are you willing to discuss this with me? If not, feel free to pile on. It’s time for some Christian courage. Bring it on! Or, I might just take a lesson from our dear President and avoid anything of substance or any controversy – fly to Martha’s Vineyard, shoot some pool and play a round of golf.

Each month Christianaudio offers a FREE audio book, announced on the first day of the month. Anna and the King written by Margaret Landon is the free audiobook of the month for August. From their website: “This poignant story of Anna Leonowens and the King of Siam has captured the fancy of millions worldwide through not only the book, but the play The King and I. Wonderfully narrated by Anne Flosnik and nominated for a prestigious Audie Award in 2013, it is certainly one of the most entertaining audiobooks we have given away”. To download your copy, go to: http://christianaudio.com/free/

Do you wrestle with the sovereignty of God? I love receiving Scotty Smith’s daily prayer. I can resonate with most of them, including this one – especially this section – “Indeed, I don’t have any problem with you setting up and sitting down presidents, premiers and potentates. But when it comes to things that are limiting, inconvenient or a contradiction of my sensibilities, I am quite capable of questioning your goodness or faithfulness”. Read the entire prayer here, and better yet, sign up to receive Scotty’s daily prayers: http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/scottysmith/2014/07/29/a-prayer-for-wrestling-with-the-sovereignty-of-god/

Last Sunday we visited Hanna City Presbyterian Church to see Pastor David Keithley preach on Luke 17. Pastor Dave was our long-time Youth and Family Pastor and rarely got the opportunity to preach, but it’s obvious he was born to preach. Sunday was the one year anniversary of his last Sunday at our church. It was great seeing wife Jen and daughter Katie as well. It’s clear that the Keithleys are well loved in Hanna City. http://www.hannacitypres.com/

Paul Miller and his wife, Jill, have put together a study on the person of Christ for those with intellectual disabilities. Westminister Theological Seminary Books is offering a $5 coupon off anything in their store if you simply take the time to watch the video introducing it.

Tim Challies recently started a new series of articles titled The Defenders. Through brief sketches of Christian leaders, Tim plans to draw attention to believers known for defending the church against specific theological challenges or false teachings. He will be focusing on modern times and began with James Montgomery Boice, a long-time defender of the doctrine of inerrancy. Read Tim’s article here: http://www.challies.com/articles/the-defenders-james-montgomery-boice

Registration is now open for Liberate 2015: It is Finished. Held at Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church in Fort Lauderdale Florida February 19-22, the conference features some of my favorite speakers including Tullian Tchividjian, Scotty Smith, Steve Brown, Eric Metaxas and many more Check out the conference site at http://liberate.org/2015conference/

A song that I’ve been listening to recently is “Mercy” by Matt Redman. Check out the lyrics:

I will kneel in the dust
at the foot of the cross,
where mercy paid for me.
Where the wrath I deserve,
it is gone, it has passed.
Your blood has hidden me.

Mercy, mercy,
as endless as the sea.
I’ll sing Your hallelujah
for all eternity.

We will lift up the cup
and the bread we will break,
remembering Your love.
We were fallen from grace,
but You took on our shame
and nailed it to a cross.

Mercy, mercy,
as endless as the sea.
I’ll sing Your hallelujah
for all eternity.
[repeat]

May I never lose the wonder,
oh, the wonder of Your mercy.
May I sing Your hallelujah?
Hallelujah, Amen.
[repeat 3x]

May I never lose the wonder,
oh, the wonder of Your mercy.
May I sing Your hallelujah.
Hallelujah, Amen.
[repeat]

I will kneel in the dust
at the foot of the cross,
where mercy paid for me.

The 5 Love Languages Book Club Week Six

Tammy and I completed week six of our summer book club reading Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to a Love that Lasts last week. We covered the final love language, physical touch. Here are a few passages we discussed:

• Physical touch can make or break a relationship. It can communicate hate or love.
• To the person whose primary love language is physical touch, the message will be far louder than the words “I hate you” or “I love you.”
• That does not mean that all touches are created equal. Some will bring more pleasure to your spouse than others. Your best instructor is your spouse, of course. After all, she is the one you are seeking to love. She knows best what she perceives as a loving touch. Don’t insist on touching her in your way and in your time. Learn to speak her love dialect. Don’t make the mistake of believing that the touch that brings pleasure to you will also bring pleasure to her.
• Love touches may be explicit and demand your full attention such as in a back rub or sexual foreplay, culminating in intercourse. On the other hand, love touches may be implicit and require only a moment, such as putting your hand on his shoulder as you pour a cup of coffee or rubbing your body against him as you pass in the kitchen.
• Once you discover that physical touch is the primary love language of your spouse, you are limited only by your imagination on ways to express love. Coming up with new ways and places to touch can be an exciting challenge.
• Try new touches in new places and let your spouse give you feedback on whether he finds it pleasurable or not. Remember, he has the final word. You are learning to speak his language.
• All societies have some form of physical touching as a means of social greeting.
• There are appropriate and inappropriate ways to touch members of the opposite sex in every society.
• Within marriage, however, what is appropriate and inappropriate touching is determined by the couple themselves.
• Counselors’ files are filled with records of husbands and wives who are trying to grapple with the emotional trauma of an unfaithful spouse. That trauma, however, is compounded for the individual whose primary love language is physical touch. That for which he longs so deeply—love expressed by physical touch—is now being given to another. His emotional love tank is not only empty; it has been riddled by an explosion. It will take massive repairs for those emotional needs to be met.
• If your spouse’s primary love language is physical touch, nothing is more important than holding her as she cries. Your words may mean little, but your physical touch will communicate that you care.
• Crises provide a unique opportunity for expressing love. Your tender touches will be remembered long after the crisis has passed.
• Pete is only one of many individuals for whom physical touch is the primary love language. Emotionally, they yearn for their spouse to reach out and touch them physically. Running the hand through the hair, giving a back rub, holding hands, embracing, sexual intercourse—all of those and other “love touches” are the emotional lifeline of the person for whom physical touch is the primary love language.
• The chapter ends with a “Your Turn” section, where the author asks that you “Recall some nonsexual “touching times” that enhanced intimacy between the two of you. What made these times special?”