The Lily Reviewhttp://lily.co.ke
A Blog For Kenyan LadiesTue, 13 Mar 2018 09:16:05 +0000en-UShourly1https://wordpress.org/?v=4.1.24thelilyreviewhttps://feedburner.google.comWho are you? Reallyhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thelilyreview/~3/Q7S2ebSS7Bw/
http://lily.co.ke/2018/03/05/who-are-you-really/#commentsMon, 05 Mar 2018 08:11:58 +0000http://lily.co.ke/?p=3964This is who I’ve become. An introspective adult. Sometimes I hide behind a facade. I’m happy. No, am sad. Wait, could I be both? Who and what defines me? My work, love life, career, children, background, friends, financial success? I found myself asking this question in my late thirties because there is so much changing and ‘morphing’ we put ourselves through…sometimes to fit in. Sometimes from love, fear or retaliation. But whom are we loving or hating on? What is it about me that I simply accept and just love? Why must I hate any... Continue reading →

I found myself asking this question in my late thirties because there is so much changing and ‘morphing’ we put ourselves through…sometimes to fit in. Sometimes from love, fear or retaliation. But whom are we loving or hating on? What is it about me that I simply accept and just love? Why must I hate any part of myself? Inherently, I give out what I perceive of myself. If scared, I hide. If loving, I open up to experience the beauty of it all. If angry, I would lash out, wouldn’t I?

So why not just love myself?

And who taught me that I could avenge? Or retaliate? Why not give better back?

Recently, I have thought long and hard about people I misjudged. People I condemned to the hog heap of hell. People I distanced myself from because I felt I had no energy or time for them. I called it ‘guarding my space’. It was too much energy having to engage. Didn’t bother to even see or hear their explanations. In my view, wasn’t worth the time.

Now, in hindsight, I listen more. I jump to conclusions less quickly. I count to ten…literally, if a situation arises that irks me. I actually find myself asking (in the midst of the ‘crisis’…what is the best course of action here? What are the likely consequences if I do this or that? Can I live with those repercussions?

Then I watch those consequences in my mind’s eye, past and present.

I have evolved. I have come a loong way. My responses are more measured…cautious…weighed. Some conclusions cannot be avoided. I have stopped berating myself about it. Some I walked away from, unscathed. Some, I wasn’t so lucky. The scars remind me of my humanity. Can I perhaps extend mercy and grace now?

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]]>http://lily.co.ke/2018/03/05/who-are-you-really/feed/0OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAhttp://lily.co.ke/2018/03/05/who-are-you-really/Scary changeshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thelilyreview/~3/D7ASwUkj_Dk/
http://lily.co.ke/2018/01/09/scary-changes/#commentsTue, 09 Jan 2018 08:25:10 +0000http://lily.co.ke/?p=3945New phases in life are…scary…interesting…exciting. It all depends on where you are coming from. Hannah, my dear friend, is just starting a new-ish phase in many ways and wonders sometimes if she will hack it. Separated, new job, new town, a kid on the way…she collapses in a heap on my shoulder. “Why don’t they stay? Why do I keep looking for love in intimate entanglements that get me nowhere? How will I feed this young ‘un with no ‘second hand’ to feed him/her?” she wailed, dramatically. She has been posted to Kakamega to open a... Continue reading →

]]>New phases in life are…scary…interesting…exciting. It all depends on where you are coming from. Hannah, my dear friend, is just starting a new-ish phase in many ways and wonders sometimes if she will hack it.

Separated, new job, new town, a kid on the way…she collapses in a heap on my shoulder. “Why don’t they stay? Why do I keep looking for love in intimate entanglements that get me nowhere? How will I feed this young ‘un with no ‘second hand’ to feed him/her?” she wailed, dramatically. She has been posted to Kakamega to open a new office for her bosses, and the countryside is just not her thing!

I slithered out of her wet embrace and quickly put on a pot of ginger tea. I watched the changes of time on her face, figure and personality and realised life can be heartless. She had been such a fighter. Now, she regularly found solace in the arms of unknown lovers, skillfully gaining economically from the unsuspecting males. But I’ve come to learn that some know the gold-digger from afar and still choose to get entwined. Others…wel….Some were one-night stands, some half yearly liaisons, one was a long-standing on/off ‘relationship’ now running into its 3rd year (that seemed her best bet for permanence). Yet, it was she that was running scared from the thought of settling down with this Adonis!

“So, Hannah honey, some tough decisions must be made…”

You’re pregnant and weepy…expected. So he doesn’t want none of it. You’ll make it through. Don’t wring the sympathy too much out of that one, though. Eat healthy, think healthy and Focus. There’s another human being depending on you. Selfishness stunts must go. Careless living must be curbed.

Take the bull by the horns. It is what it is. You got here somehow…let’s keep walking. New environments can mean a fresh start. New decisions, having learnt from past mistakes. New friendships can also elevate what’s already present. Relocate and see what you find on the ground (we laughed at that pun).

Take time to let things fall in place. Too many drastic decisions, hot on the heels of each other, can be disastrous. Anger and self pity are terrible companions around which to make life decisions.

Socialise…don’t be a recluse just coz it’s ‘Kachmek’ (slang for Kakamega)! Networks can be therapeutic too. Hot ‘Khumundu strong’ Baluyia men can be all the rage again. Look at the Injera and Khayange boys…men!

Introspect every so often. Don’t be so busy doing, you forget to take time to BE. Live in the moment. Savour it. FEEL. Every last bit of emotion in this intense new phase. Heartache, desolation, freedom to be yourself doing your thing again, opportunities to learn and grow.

Start new stuff. Learn a skill. Take up a hobby. Mental engagement at this level takes the attention away from the sordid deeds of the past.

Ricardo, or his romantic Mexican ilk, will find you by and by. For now, stay on the straight and narrow.”

“Well, that’s easy for you to say! I get lonely. I know myself. I need adult company more often than most”.

“Isn’t that what got you in this spot, playing the field on a loyal hubby?” I asked, incredulously.

“See,”…her eyes danced mischievously…”am now away from prying eyes even more. Who knows me in the backwoods of nowhere-land? I could introduce some civilised Nairobi culture and zing there. I won’t show for some months yet. Besides, there are ways to terminate, that are safe. My life lies ahead in so many ways,” she contnued, oblivious of the horror on my face. “I also have a choice in this matter. My body, my choice. If he won’t play, then I don’t have to.

Did she just say ‘terminate’? A foetus? For the sake of some fun?

“And if you die in the process?”

A risk I will have to take. Who is going to hang around and marry a mama with love handles, kids on her arm, trying to make ends meet?”

Did I mention this was her second born from her 3rd live-in boyfriend? I know…hard to believe.

She probably had come to me because termination was too scary and she needed a second nod. My head was staying put! She either carries it to term and gives it up for adoption, or raised by family. But I wasn’t being caught dead handing her the knife.

The more things change, the more they stay the same. I guess Change is strange like that…

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]]>http://lily.co.ke/2018/01/09/scary-changes/feed/0love-pregnanthttp://lily.co.ke/2018/01/09/scary-changes/What is the formula of success?http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thelilyreview/~3/WU8DYVYQJio/
http://lily.co.ke/2015/04/21/what-is-the-formula-of-success/#commentsTue, 21 Apr 2015 06:38:33 +0000http://lily.co.ke/?p=3937You lie awake doing the math and everything adds up to wealth and fortune. After all, numbers don’t lie. Counting the numbers imagining what you could do with all that money. Love sure breaks hearts but businesses break even more hearts! Raised expectations followed by massive disappointments in many cases. Massive debts, unreliable people, disappointing numbers, tested passions and broken dreams. It helps to be positive but it saves a whole lot more to be realistic. In the calculations, do you account for the fact that not everything goes according to plan? There is a... Continue reading →

It helps to be positive but it saves a whole lot more to be realistic. In the calculations, do you account for the fact that not everything goes according to plan?

There is a blueprint that most of us follow: Pass your KCPE exams and get a good high school. Then pass your KCSE exams and go to a reputable University. Get your First Class Honours degree then get an awesome job after. This blue print does not factor in reality checks. That even after being through the education system meant to be a path to success you might not be as successful as imagined.

What is the formula then?

Money and success is God given…plan all you can but if it isn’t in your script you won’t have it. Poverty is real. Problems are real. But so is wealth and success.

]]>http://lily.co.ke/2015/04/21/what-is-the-formula-of-success/feed/0usa-dollar-billshttp://lily.co.ke/2015/04/21/what-is-the-formula-of-success/Everyone has their kryptonitehttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thelilyreview/~3/u3Qhi4x4Jxw/
http://lily.co.ke/2015/04/13/everyone-has-their-kryptonite/#commentsMon, 13 Apr 2015 06:21:20 +0000http://lily.co.ke/?p=3934Everyone has their kryptonite. That one person that never fades into oblivion. They remain a constant in your ever-changing life. So many come and go in your life, most of whom have no effect on your life. This one person can ask for you back and you will drop everything for them. Irrational love, irrational attraction – a force to reckon with. Doesn’t know how to love you, how to treat you, but for some mad reason, all of you remains stuck in memories and images of you and them. You replay the good and... Continue reading →

]]>Everyone has their kryptonite. That one person that never fades into oblivion. They remain a constant in your ever-changing life. So many come and go in your life, most of whom have no effect on your life. This one person can ask for you back and you will drop everything for them. Irrational love, irrational attraction – a force to reckon with.

Doesn’t know how to love you, how to treat you, but for some mad reason, all of you remains stuck in memories and images of you and them. You replay the good and forget the bad (and there was more bad than good).

The what-ifs hold you back. Replaying what you didn’t do right. But it is never that you never loved them enough.
You might even end up with someone who loves you ten times better and treats you how you should, but your kryptonite is the last thing on your mind before sleep carries you away every night.

Years later, they walk into a room and your heart still races and stops at the same time. You choose to love with your mind and ignore your heart. That person is nothing but trouble. Instead you learn to love the one who loves you right. Slowly, but surely.

The love might never be the same as it was with the other, but neither will the pain. You surrender to the fact that that person will always remain a part of you, but you will never act on the emotions. A dormant volcano!

You will never get over it, but you will reach a point where it doesn’t bother you so much.

]]>http://lily.co.ke/2015/04/13/everyone-has-their-kryptonite/feed/0superman kryptonitehttp://lily.co.ke/2015/04/13/everyone-has-their-kryptonite/Things Google did not teach me about motherhoodhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thelilyreview/~3/TSXyaksGDLU/
http://lily.co.ke/2015/04/09/things-google-did-not-teach-me-about-motherhood/#commentsThu, 09 Apr 2015 06:11:58 +0000http://lily.co.ke/?p=3930I hate to admit it but I am sort of a know-it-all. Actually I am a know-it-all. I do not know the roots of this attitude exactly but I certainly know that it worked out terribly for me as a new mother. Instead of asking veteran mothers questions, I Googled and Googled. I read all the “How to” motherhood books I could lay my hands on and YouTubed “little” things like breastfeeding, changing baby diapers and washing baby. I remember a mummy friend suggesting to me to go for classes on motherhood at one of... Continue reading →

]]>I hate to admit it but I am sort of a know-it-all. Actually I am a know-it-all. I do not know the roots of this attitude exactly but I certainly know that it worked out terribly for me as a new mother.

Instead of asking veteran mothers questions, I Googled and Googled. I read all the “How to” motherhood books I could lay my hands on and YouTubed “little” things like breastfeeding, changing baby diapers and washing baby.

I remember a mummy friend suggesting to me to go for classes on motherhood at one of the local hospitals.

“What for?” I asked.

“They can teach you how to deal with your baby as a new mum.”

“I am a reader,” I replied, slightly annoyed, “I have read all I need to know about motherhood, I do not need those tu-lectures on the same.”

That was the beginning of my downfall.

My pregnancy was smooth. Everything went like Google and “What to Expect when Expecting” book said it would.

After twelve hours of labour, I held a healthy, beautiful baby girl in my arms, ready to start applying the knowledge I had accumulated in excess on the poor little child.

“Breastfeed the child immediately,” the doctor advised.

I put my baby girl on my breast, just like Youtube had taught me. And….nothing.

“Why is she not breastfeeding?”I asked anxiously, turning virtual pages in my head trying to think of which page in the books I had read had some advice on breastfeeding.

The nurse, a sturdy woman who looked like a retired weightlifter, lifted my breast and shoved it into the baby’s mouth.

To say I was uncomfortable is an understatement.

Baby struggled to fee for the next two days. Eventually, she had to be put on formula. I walked out of the hospital on the third day with wounds for breasts.

In retrospect, I should have refused to leave the hospital until I could breastfeed without pain or anguish. But I was itching to go back to my other bible at the time: “Secrets of the Baby Whisperer” to learn how to breastfeed.
I spent the next six weeks crying each time the baby breastfed and madly searching online for solutions. I bought creams, popped painkillers, prayed- nothing seemed to work.

And then I decided to do what I should have done in the first place.

I asked for help.

I called up my friends who were mothers. I called up my friends’ mothers. I talked to people on Kilimani Mums and Pregnant Mum Support Group on Facebook.

I got encouragement, suggestions and cheap, workable solutions for my problem. I was referred to a lactation specialist who, thank heavens, was also a trained counsellor.

She charged me consultation fees, yes, but gave me so much value for my money that I almost cried in gratitude.

I used Avent breast shells on her recommendation and little by little, my healing started.
The shells protected my breasts from further damage or contact with my clothes. I also kept moisturizing and holding my baby the right way so that she could latch on to the breast properly.

“Speak positive things to yourself. Tell yourself you are a great mother. You wake up three or more times at night to feed your baby. Tell yourself you will breastfeed without pain one day. You carried her for nine months. Laboured for hours and finally got her. She is a healthy, beautiful girl. You must be doing something right,” I remember her saying.

I went to the supermarket after that talk and got myself yellow sticky notes. I wrote down every word that she had said, even added my own like: “You are beautiful”, “You are a great mum”, “You have such a cute baby” and stuck them on the bed’s headboard.

My husband was puzzled when he came home later that day and I could see him struggling not to ask what was going on.

“I am tired of negativity in my life,” I offered before he could ask.

He nodded. Perhaps understanding that it was not in his place to understand what was going on.

The journey to pain-free breastfeeding was painful, slow but totally rewarding in the end.

I learned the hard way that friendship and advice from people that care for you cannot be Googled.

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]]>http://lily.co.ke/2015/04/09/things-google-did-not-teach-me-about-motherhood/feed/0google-logoBreastfeeding-icon-medhttp://lily.co.ke/2015/04/09/things-google-did-not-teach-me-about-motherhood/Where were you when I was single? – Part 2http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thelilyreview/~3/GeOu_B9kkjg/
http://lily.co.ke/2014/11/06/where-were-you-when-i-was-single-part-2/#commentsThu, 06 Nov 2014 07:03:04 +0000http://lily.co.ke/?p=3915Thursday, 27th June 2014. A dreary day that had been made even drearier by the thought of sitting in a boardroom for a whole friggin day as different vendors walked in to pitch their Customer Relationship Software solutions. Have you ever listened to a proper Indian with a proper Indian accent do a two hour presentation? I listened to four. That’s 8 hours of not understanding half the stuff the presenters were saying. Let’s just say, for now I have postponed any trips to India, indefinitely. I had reached that ‘shoot-me-now’ point when the last... Continue reading →

]]>Thursday, 27th June 2014. A dreary day that had been made even drearier by the thought of sitting in a boardroom for a whole friggin day as different vendors walked in to pitch their Customer Relationship Software solutions. Have you ever listened to a proper Indian with a proper Indian accent do a two hour presentation? I listened to four. That’s 8 hours of not understanding half the stuff the presenters were saying. Let’s just say, for now I have postponed any trips to India, indefinitely.

I had reached that ‘shoot-me-now’ point when the last vendor walked in. My evaluation booklet was filled with abstract doodles and sketches I had so ardently drew in a bid to pass time. I didn’t even bother to look up when they walked in, set up their equipment and set about to introduce themselves.

“Hello everyone, my name is Yvonne. This is my colleague Prakesh…”

Life stopped. Everything, from the sound of the birds to the whispers of the trees outside stopped. My fingers froze and the masterpiece I was about to sketch on my notepad lost its appeal. I knew, that very instant that the moment I raised my head to see the beholder of the orifice from which that golden voice emanated, my life would not be the same again.

I wasn’t wrong.

I didn’t hear anything else that was said in that presentation by Prakesh, who turned out to be the main presenter. I shamelessly kept my gaze upon her. And I could swear she wanted me to, as our eyes kept locking and a subtle beam would manifest itself on her gracious face. Only I noticed it, or so I believe. Whenever she interjected to clarify some point Prakesh had massacred his way through, she spoke to me, and only to me. She was beautiful! Everything I ascribe to beauty; from sparkly eyes, to full lips, to flushed cheeks, to long natural hair, to a full bosom plus more. Her skin, boy her skin! Flawlessly chocolate, just inviting you to touch. No amount of decency in her dress code would have prevented me from mentally ripping that silk top off, messing up her hair, hold her in my arms and…

Sigh, I’m sure you get my point.

Two hours and endless fantasies later, the insipid presentation was over. Being the last pitch of the day, the camaraderie between us and this vendor was much better. We even invited them to join us for coffee. I sat on while everyone else stood up and headed to the pastry spread table.

Had it been a year before, there would have been no question about what I would do next; but not this time. I was married. “I am married, I am married, I am married..” I kept muttering to myself, suddenly interested in the score sheet whose existence had been totally erased from my mind two hours before.

“Are we are getting a perfect score?” That voice. Behind me. Was she talking to me? No way. Is she? Turn around idiot! I did.

“Wha…what? Oh!”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt”

“No no no! You are not. You did well, all the best”

“Thanks! This is my first pitch at Technocity”

“No way! It wasn’t obvious at all”

“I hope not! My boss took a big gamble bringing me along”

Awkward silence. Say something Lawrence! The girl has brought herself over to you!

“Well, I’ll let you get back to it. I just wanted to give you my card.”

“Of course, let me get mine as well. Not having our coffee?”

“I’m not much of a snacker I’m afraid.”

“That’s sad. We actually give more marks to vendors who drink our coffee”

Laughter.

Not bad Lawrence. Come on now. Look at her! This is the one thing in the world you are good at. Go for it!

“In that case, I’ll have some!”

“Awesome. I’ll join you.”

That evening, Milkah and I sat in silence in the living room, her watching yet another wedding related TV show and me, my mind miles away.

“Babe, babe, hun. Babe! Lawrence!”

“Huh! What!? Sorry, yes hun?”

“Jeez, where are you today? I’m saying, I don’t think the gas will last past tomorrow”

“Oh, ok. Will pass by the gas station after work”

“Thanks, so what’s distracting you today?”

“Nothing, just work stuff”

Days passed. A week, two weeks. I still had her business card in my wallet. My mind still drifted to her radiant presence at the pitch every time I had to sit through a boring presentation.

I convinced myself that that was just a good day at work. A really good day. She wasn’t the first, and she wouldn’t be the last pretty girl to have to pitch to me as this was a big part of my job. I’m in Marketing for heaven sake. The nirvana of pretty girls! High chance I’d never meet her again.

“Lawrence!!?”

“H-h-hey! Yvonne, right?”

“Yes, oh my God what a small world!”

A hug later, everything I had worked so hard to suppress came flooding back. I wanted her. Oh dear Joseph guardian father of Jesus I wanted her!

This was no office pitch. This was a club. And she was dressed for it, while somehow still maintaining her decency.

“You didn’t strike me as a club goer honestly!”

“What!? This dude is mayor of the club! I’m Steve!”

“Oh forgive my manners! Steve, meet Yvonne. Yvonne, my friend Steve.”

“Nice to meet you Steve! This is my pal Rachel!”

“You guys have a table?” Steve wasn’t about to let them out of his sight.

“Actually not yet, we just got in”

“Well join us then!! You can have our chairs. Right Lawrence?”

“Uhm, sure. Steve was getting boring anyway!”

Laughter.

Think Lawrence. You are married. You are married. Make sure she sees the ring. She’ll get the point. Show her the ring!

Forget the ring! Look at her! Look at those legs, you hadn’t seen those before! And she’s let down her hair. Imagine your fingers in there as you kiss those salacious lips. She wants you! You know she wants you!

I had promised Milkah I would be home by midnight, and I intended to keep that promise.

Yvonne’s friend turned out to be the life of the party, just how Steve likes them. As she and Steve gyrated against each other to the rhythm of the dance music, Yvonne and I engaged in conversation about everything from work to relationships to money to God. She wasn’t much of a dancer, a fact that I was grateful for. If she and I did what Steve was doing with Rachel that instant, there would be no going back for me.

“Lawrence, I need a smoke! Can we go outside for a minute?”

“Sure, you smoke?”

“Yep, sorry, bad bad habit!”

“Not at all, I smoke too. Let’s go!”

I checked my watch. It was 11.30 pm. I had 30 minutes to somehow get past the amazing time I was having and head back home. Milkah would most certainly be awake catching up on Movies.

12.30 am we were still outside, blowing smoke at the stars and joking about how by now Steve and Rachel had probably abandoned us.

“Rachel isn’t that loose is she?” I asked

“Oh she is!” retorted Yvonne.

“Just the way Steve likes them!”

“What about you Lawrence? How do you like them?”

“Decent, seemingly unattainable. I like a challenge”

“Do I fit the bill?”

I knew where this was going. And I was beginning to feel sleazy. I liked Yvonne. Not just how beautiful she was, but everything about her. Her personality, her conversation skills, her laughter, her mind. I liked it all! I hadn’t seen a single thing that didn’t make her the perfect woman, and God knows I would have paid to see that one thing that would put me off! I was losing control, and she clearly knew where she wanted this to go.

“Honestly, yes, plus some.”

“But?”

“What do you mean but?”

“There’s always a ‘but’ Lawrence!”

“But…”

Tell her! YOU ARE MARRIED! With a child at home. Tell her Lawrence! You are already an hour late!

My phone was ringing. I knew who it was. I chose to ignore it.

“Weirdly Yvonne, that’s the ‘but’. That there is no ‘but’. So far you are perfect. And while that should be a good thing, it’s my ‘but’. What I’m I missing?”

“Well, if you call me up after tonight, you’ll have a chance to find out” That intrepid smile said it all. She was daring me to call her again. She wanted more smoking under the stars, she wanted Lawrence!

“I’m getting cold. Can we go back up?”

“Sure.”

Surprisingly, Steve and Rachel hadn’t abandoned us. They had however relocated to a corner. Steve seemed to have lost something in Rachel’s mouth and was using his lips to find it. She on the other hand had lost something in his pants and was using her hands to find it.

1.30 am. I had found the strength to announce that I had an early morning meeting and needed to head out. Yvonne had had it for the night as well, and since as it turned out she lived along the way to my place, I offered to drop her. Steve and Rachel were happy to keep looking for what they had both lost.

]]>http://lily.co.ke/2014/11/06/where-were-you-when-i-was-single-part-2/feed/0sketch-notessmoking-and-moving-cigarettehttp://lily.co.ke/2014/11/06/where-were-you-when-i-was-single-part-2/Where were you when I was Single? – Part 1http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thelilyreview/~3/gxvWeUIaeSg/
http://lily.co.ke/2014/10/27/where-were-you-when-i-was-single-part-1/#commentsMon, 27 Oct 2014 07:57:03 +0000http://lily.co.ke/?p=3910“Dude, didn’t that mama notice the ring on your finger?” “Wapi! Maybe she thought it was bling” “Bling on your wedding ring finger? Stop making up excuses for her Man” “What are you trying to say?” “I’m saying she wants you to give it to her like a Spartan!” “He he he, I’m a married Man” “Lawrence bana, what happened to you? Now I believe in Miracles kabisa!” “I don’t know. You really think that girl wanted me?” “Dude, she was all over you the whole night, took your number, introduced you to her friends,... Continue reading →

“Bling on your wedding ring finger? Stop making up excuses for her Man”

“What are you trying to say?”

“I’m saying she wants you to give it to her like a Spartan!”

“He he he, I’m a married Man”

“Lawrence bana, what happened to you? Now I believe in Miracles kabisa!”

“I don’t know. You really think that girl wanted me?”

“Dude, she was all over you the whole night, took your number, introduced you to her friends, refused to dance with all the other guys at the table except you, the only guy at the table with a wedding ring on his finger. Are you retarded?”

“Damn. That chic was fine though!”

“Oh yeah! I’d do her in a heartbeat!”

Oops, getting carried away here. That my friends was a conversation with one of the boys my Wife Milkah (remember Milkah?) doesn’t really approve of. Every time I tell her I’m going out with Steve she cringes. But Steve is awesome, always provides a great distraction when I feel overwhelmed with this marriage stuff.

So marriage is great. Yeah, that’s me saying that.

Except for one little problem.

Before we get to that though, here’s a recap of what’s happened since we last talked. I got married, got a Kid (little girl that’s both cute and irritating in equal measure), stopped frequenting Kamau’s (Milkah made sure of that), changed apartments (she said too many Women had been naked in it) and changed jobs (apparently when you get married things like Pension fund and discounted Loans start becoming a career defining factor).

I am, well, satisfied. I am tempted to say Happy but that wouldn’t be entirely true. I was happy. Now I simply feel satisfied. I’m so satisfied my mid region is beginning to testify to it.
To be honest I miss Kamau, and once in a while I call him up to catch up. I miss late night conversations about Women with Maasai my former gate man. I miss leaving my shoes anywhere I want in MY house. I miss loud music in MY house. And of course I miss being a ‘Spartan’ as Steve would put it.

I have added a few new words to the list of things I hate. Previously this list only had Carrots (I hate Carrots!) and Kenyan Cops. It now has the following in addition to these:

Chamas

Playdates

Instagram (Coz Milkah loves it so much it eats into my ‘Lungula’ time…)

Padded Bras (You know why…)

Baby on Board Stickers

Daddy Duty (God knows I love my sleep!)

Budgets (Before the Marriage, all I cared about was that rent was paid. Not anymore)This list keeps growing, and I recently added a new one

Girls who ignore the Wedding ring

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the flattery of a pretty girl finding me appealing, but when it goes to the extent of her blatantly ignoring my Wedding ring’s existence and shamelessly flirting with me, I hate that. I hate it because I know how I weak I am. I hate it because I fear eventually breaking under the pressure. I hate it because these girls seem to be much much hotter than the ones I nailed before I got married. I hate it because “Where the F&^% were they when I was a free bird???”

I would like to tell you about this one girl. Yvonne. The girl that nearly made me bid farewell to my wife and child and relapse back to my old ways. Oh Yvonne, that tempting damsel!

But first, tell me this. Why on earth do girls choose to ignore the Wedding ring?

]]>http://lily.co.ke/2014/10/27/where-were-you-when-i-was-single-part-1/feed/0wedding-ringhttp://lily.co.ke/2014/10/27/where-were-you-when-i-was-single-part-1/My daughter is raising mehttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thelilyreview/~3/ECnsVIYJKmM/
http://lily.co.ke/2014/09/30/my-daughter-is-raising-me/#commentsTue, 30 Sep 2014 07:00:57 +0000http://lily.co.ke/?p=3903My daughter belongs so beautifully in my life that sometimes I think I imagined her. That I imagined her innocent stare, or her silky skin, or her bubbly baby talk. Or her soft hair. I had never imagined though, that my daughter would raise me. My daughter is raising me to be a morning person. In my hey-days, I was the ultimate 10 hours a night minimum kind of girl. Now, I am the ultimate early riser. Her wails at 4am every morning leave me with no choice but to save my eardrums and pick... Continue reading →

]]>My daughter belongs so beautifully in my life that sometimes I think I imagined her. That I imagined her innocent stare, or her silky skin, or her bubbly baby talk. Or her soft hair.

I had never imagined though, that my daughter would raise me.

My daughter is raising me to be a morning person. In my hey-days, I was the ultimate 10 hours a night minimum kind of girl. Now, I am the ultimate early riser. Her wails at 4am every morning leave me with no choice but to save my eardrums and pick the poor girl up.

My daughter is raising me to be practical. Decisions on what to wear are often based on how quickly I can remove my breasts to breastfeed her. It is no longer a question of “will I look good in this?” but rather;

“Will I be able to remove my boob in the fastest time possible with least amount of nudity if in public and she demands for food?”

My daughter is raising me to a multitasker. Images of myself breastfeeding whilst talking on phone whilst watching the news whilst eating ugali whilst talking to baby were hitherto very foreign to me, but you should see me in action.

My daughter is raising me to be an entertainer…my days with her are spent leaning to make the next funny face, funny sound, funny noise….anything to make baby laugh, because that is what always melts my heart. Churchill Live comedians have got nothing on me these days.

My daughter is raising me to be patient. When she poops immediately after a diaper change. Or throws up all over the top I planned to go work in. Or wakes up just as I thought I was finally going to call it a night.

My daughter is raising me to be loving, more loving than I thought my heart was capable of handling. More loving of my parents. Each time she traces the contours of my face with her chubby, saliva-slippery fingers, each time she raises her hands at me to be held, each time she screams ( with that I hope, is joy) when she sees me, my heart expands.

My daughter is raising me to be grateful. Grateful for her health, her milestones, each new day that she lives, each new sound that she makes, each new expression that she learns, each gulp of milk that she takes, for every little thing that she is made of, and for every little opportunity I have of being her mommy.

My daughter is raising me to be courageous. From withstanding labour pains ( More like screaming, cursing, scratching , biting and sweating, really) to listening to my heart break on her first jab ( why do those needles need to be so big?), my daughter has raised me to be courageous. My daughter has made me learn to fear things I did not fear before (Like the possibility of falling while holding you, or dying without a will) but made me courageous in facing those fears.

My daughter is raising me to be creative. With her, I have whole hour conversations based on phrases like “papapa, kikiki, bububu’. With her, anything goes as a toy…from the kitchen towel, to my phone, my hair (She swings on my dreadlocks!)-So I get creative. There is really no other option, really, given that her attention span is like 2 seconds maximum.

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]]>http://lily.co.ke/2014/09/30/my-daughter-is-raising-me/feed/0sunset-silhouette-mother-childhttp://lily.co.ke/2014/09/30/my-daughter-is-raising-me/Things we really never seehttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thelilyreview/~3/KMQP44XRio0/
http://lily.co.ke/2014/08/18/things-we-really-never-see/#commentsMon, 18 Aug 2014 07:00:03 +0000http://lily.co.ke/?p=3896Week after week I have sat and watched myself become what my mother feared I would become; a product of my own de-motivation. I exist but I do not live. The morning breeze is nothing but a state of weather and the wind through where I wish my long silky hair might have been is a figment of nature. Nothing powerful. Nothing worth jotting a few musical notes about. I watch my friends go through life. making the best of what they were granted and it hit me. Have I not learned? What have I... Continue reading →

]]>Week after week I have sat and watched myself become what my mother feared I would become; a product of my own de-motivation. I exist but I do not live. The morning breeze is nothing but a state of weather and the wind through where I wish my long silky hair might have been is a figment of nature. Nothing powerful. Nothing worth jotting a few musical notes about. I watch my friends go through life. making the best of what they were granted and it hit me. Have I not learned? What have I achieved the past couple of months?

Then I thought to myself; that I should stop beating myself up. Indeed I have woken up to a sad and introverted routine that is not me, but I have the most inconspicuous yet most valuable lessons at hand throughout the months.

I have learnt that love is powerful. In a subtle but oh so violent force. It is beautiful but a beauty with such capacity to turn ugliest. Love is rare, but in such great amounts it is barely quantifiable. It is a ballad that turns any second to a dance song. It is pure but so tainted with our human nature and that purifies it even more. Love is an oxymoron.

I have learnt that forgiveness is as freeing as it is the best form of revenge. That friendship is the quiet peace amidst a loud and rowdy company of acquaintances. It is the amnesia inducing drug that we crave every second so pursued by thought of our troubles. It is the genuine laughter amidst chaotic sobs. Friendship is that rare gem as costly as it requires virtue in a world eroded by vice.

I have learnt that we are limited only by ourselves and fear. That we have nothing to lose by trying except respect for ourselves.

Am I the wisest person that ever lived? No! But I intend to pray for the same every day. Because right and wrong are real and they define our next move more than we can imagine. Our attitude shapes our future and I intend to put on the best hat for every occasion.

So there, scrape for something good every second and you will find smiling is not as strenuous as they make it seem.

]]>http://lily.co.ke/2014/08/18/things-we-really-never-see/feed/0love-couplehttp://lily.co.ke/2014/08/18/things-we-really-never-see/Apology wrapped in a box!http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thelilyreview/~3/9OPMx_hlsuk/
http://lily.co.ke/2014/08/04/apology-wrapped-in-a-box/#commentsMon, 04 Aug 2014 07:00:41 +0000http://lily.co.ke/?p=3881I got a weird message from someone, let’s call him ‘friend’, accusing me of all manner of things. Telling me to stop my stupidity and that if I want him to go back to his bad boy in the hood days he can do it, and all manner of stuff. I was perplexed, shocked even. My first thought was I should get angry; but I thought, poor boy must be deranged or something, perhaps he has undergone something traumatic and just needs to vent; but why vent out on me, what did I do? My... Continue reading →

]]>I got a weird message from someone, let’s call him ‘friend’, accusing me of all manner of things. Telling me to stop my stupidity and that if I want him to go back to his bad boy in the hood days he can do it, and all manner of stuff. I was perplexed, shocked even. My first thought was I should get angry; but I thought, poor boy must be deranged or something, perhaps he has undergone something traumatic and just needs to vent; but why vent out on me, what did I do?

My first thought was, perhaps it’s because I did not answer his call, because I was in the shower and I did not hear it ring, dah! This seemed a silly reason for someone to go off on me so I dismissed it. Could someone get angry at you and call you names because you missed their call, nah, I don’t think so! That was the silly part, long story short, it was actually because of the missed call!

Now dude shows up at my door three days later after a total black out from me, with a whole cake written ‘I’m sorry’! psssshhhh, a little dramatic don’t you think! Ok, fine I am a cake person, cake gets me anytime, I will not pretend. As it stands, I have already eaten a huge slice off it and I am tempted to devour the whole of it, alone; except it will be a slow guilt-laden journey filled with calorie miles for the next ten-thousand years! Sigh….!

Why did I eat the cake you may ask. Well I always welcome creativity, just saying sorry by mouth does not cut it so blow some bells, look for a matching band, the mexican type would be best, do something! Ok, or bring a cake. If it’s on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being the lowest) bring a cake!

This whole episode got me thinking, why do people screw up so easily in the first place, then atone for it as dramatically as they screwed up in the first place. My brother suggested I get as dramatic and return the cake, well, aside from the fact that I already started eating it, this sounds like a good idea. Relationships are rollercoaster rides, the chances and potentials for screw-ups are lined up every step of the way. It is like driving, right? You always keep in mind that the only sane person on the road is yourself; so you have to keep your cool and realize not just anything and everything can set you off. A MISSED PHONE CALL! really?

I once was told that the way a guy treats you in a relationship is the way he will treat you when you are married. Nothing, or very little will change. So what makes someone think that showing up with ‘forgive me for getting mad over a missed call’, will make everything hunky-dory right? Do people think wrapping gifts in pretty bows actually atones for their bad upbringing and careless tongues/ fingers(it’s a Whatsapp-ing age!)? Should one just be easily let back in simply because they ‘wrapped their sorry in a box?’

We have miles to walk, rivers to cross and oceans to sail through before we get to okay land! However, people need to start being tolerant of one another from the start. The stuff that seems mundane today will only blow-up and fester if not nipped in the bud early. So its straight talk from here on out. Adults do not need to be calling each other names over stupid, silly things. The world is ending, how about we argue over that, or the war in Gaza, or that Barack Obama is a Luo and not American! Serious arguments only! Then the dramatic apology wrapped in a box will try to make sense!

A dedication to all those who take things too seriously…
Hunkey Dorey

As sung by Christy’s Minstrels.
Air – “Limerick Races”
One of the boys am I,
That always am in clover;
With spirits light and high,
‘Tis well I’m known all over.
I am always to be found,
A singing in my glory;
With your smiling faces round,
‘Tis then I’m hunkey dorey.

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]]>http://lily.co.ke/2014/08/04/apology-wrapped-in-a-box/feed/0raspberry-cakehttp://lily.co.ke/2014/08/04/apology-wrapped-in-a-box/Why I wear the Hijabhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thelilyreview/~3/aEzjeLrNvvw/
http://lily.co.ke/2014/07/25/why-i-wear-the-hijab/#commentsFri, 25 Jul 2014 06:00:45 +0000http://lily.co.ke/?p=3837Hijab means a veil or a cloth that describes modesty in Islam. I have worn the hijab for most part of my life, on and off. But since last year Ramadhan, I decided to wear hijab permanently. Most people don’t understand why we wear hijab. Most muslims don’t either. Here are some reasons why we wear hijab. To Identify ourselves as Muslims. When I put on the hijab, people identify me as a Muslim and what we stand for. The hijab identifies me as a woman who knows her worth.. We are not judged when we wear the hijab,... Continue reading →

]]>Hijab means a veil or a cloth that describes modesty in Islam. I have worn the hijab for most part of my life, on and off. But since last year Ramadhan, I decided to wear hijab permanently. Most people don’t understand why we wear hijab. Most muslims don’t either. Here are some reasons why we wear hijab.

To Identify ourselves as Muslims. When I put on the hijab, people identify me as a Muslim and what we stand for. The hijab identifies me as a woman who knows her worth..

We are not judged when we wear the hijab, by what I have or what I don’t have. In this ‘modern’ society, women have been objectified, the more flesh you show you are seen as modern, independent but one thing we forget, is that men take advantage and be little us. The hijab lets people judge me by my brains and ideas and not by my looks.

A sign of worship.. When i put on the hijab, I am worshiping Allah. He commanded us to wear the hijab and we will be worshiping Him every time we wear the hijab.

The hijab is not a sign of oppression. I wear it to serve my duty as Muslim woman. Those who say hijab is a sign of oppression are wrong. I wear as a sign of worship which means every time I wear hijab, I get blessings. I am a colorful person and my hijab colours vary with my moods.

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]]>http://lily.co.ke/2014/07/25/why-i-wear-the-hijab/feed/007a0061e065e930fa18938096e8a344d_smallhijabihttp://lily.co.ke/2014/07/25/why-i-wear-the-hijab/Of ladies and mechanics!http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thelilyreview/~3/1jeGYT_kIsE/
http://lily.co.ke/2014/07/22/of-ladies-and-mechanics/#commentsTue, 22 Jul 2014 08:00:48 +0000http://lily.co.ke/?p=3868The challenges single ladies go through are enormous to say the least. Do not get me wrong, it is fantastic to be in this stage. Looking forward to the next stage, whenever it may come; Just being you; Eating cake for supper and not feeling guilty, because of-course you have hidden the guilt so far in, you convince yourself you do not feel it! Being single allows you to sleep over at your girlfriends house without worrying about anyone or what may go wrong at home. There is no one to walk outside with bathroom... Continue reading →

]]>The challenges single ladies go through are enormous to say the least. Do not get me wrong, it is fantastic to be in this stage. Looking forward to the next stage, whenever it may come; Just being you; Eating cake for supper and not feeling guilty, because of-course you have hidden the guilt so far in, you convince yourself you do not feel it!

Being single allows you to sleep over at your girlfriends house without worrying about anyone or what may go wrong at home. There is no one to walk outside with bathroom slippers and proceed to get into the house with them; or leave the toilet seat up! You can book that hair appointment or mani/padi for after hours without even blinking, your only irritation being that your salonist keeps worrying about her people. That reminds me I have to look for my kind in such situations, sensitivity is key.

So back to the enormous challenges I was talking about. My car has a problem, it is a tiny problem, except it has refused to go away. It makes a cracking sound when the car is turned, I am told it is the CV Joint that has a problem. Now I should give up I know, just throw in the towel and admit, as someone advised me, a car cannot be 100% ok. This, especially after several visits to my mechanic and several thousands out of my pocket, later! It is not loud, neither does it pose any danger, mechanics words not mine, but for some reason I just can’t let it go. The sound coming from that car just irritates the hell out of me.

So this CV Joint has been changed and rechanged and rechanged again. I respect my mechanic, mostly because he is my dad’s mechanic. If you knew my dad, you would understand why I am for this mechanic. Not just anyone touches my dad’s stuff! However, I recently discovered why my car is not getting the same treatment as my fathers, because he knows all about cars, he knows his stuff. Me, I am just a girl, a single one at that, I go to the garage alone when I cannot find an escort somewhere to act as my wing man.

Mechanics can smell frailty from a far. It does not matter whether you are tough talking, heel slinging, serious faced, as they come. They know when you do not know your stuff and they go in for the kill. So it has been a year of trying to repair this small noise emanating from my car without luck. The other day I decided to seek a second opinion, now my car is packed at home with a busted gear box, and a dangling sign reading Kshs. 40,000 in repairs plus replacements. My main mechanic is of course thinking, you thought I was the devil, right? So as it sits there, I have come of age and I have learnt lessons.

Lesson 1. Everybody thinks their mechanic is the best...especially if it’s a man, same reason as above, mechanics know that men know their stuff so they cannot mess; or if it’s a lady with a man as their wing-man. ”That is why I wanted you to go to my mechanic, he is the best. He can paint the sky blue and fly to the moon. He part-times as God himself.” Seriously if I hear these words from anyone again I will scream!

Lesson 2. It is not about the mechanic. It is about their perception of you. Well, I’ll admit there are good and bad mechanics. I am talking of mechanics worth their salt. Everyone’s mechanic may be good, but if you do not know what they are talking about, they will talk the money out of your pocket, quite literally.

Lesson 3. If you are not sure ask. Let not your Mechanic convince you to repair or pay for or buy things you do not understand. Most probably that is not what you came to repair, that is not what you came to fix, and unless you have confirmed that it is life/car threatening and needs to be repaired like yesterday, step back and take a breather.

Lesson 4. A trip to the mechanic does not have to turn to a full blown service. Just as I have mentioned above, not everything needs to be done just because the mechanic thinks it should be done. Sweetly say…”oh, that also needs work? I had not planned for that, but if you could just get back to why I came here, I will be back another day.”

Lesson 5. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Not everything they say is car threatening is. Ladies like panicking, and mechanics sure do know what to say to make us go there. The other day a car passed by the office making some high pitched noise that could be heard from miles away. I have seen men drive cars that are so badly beaten and run down, the parts are literally hanging on to each other for dear life. Okay, that may be bad, but really what I am trying to say is, if your car is nowhere near 0.0000001 of that, do not fret. Ladies know how to maintain their rides and so big words from mechanics should be met with an ‘oh really’!

Lesson 6. Everybody wants to help, but do they really? Going to the garage is no fun, no one likes it. I would pay good money to have someone do that for me. When you vent out about how your mechanic is not giving you good service and all you get is the ‘you should have gone to my mechanic’ phrase, do you not ask yourself a series of questions. ”Why are you not offering to take the car to your mechanic for me? Okay, why then do we not go together? Oh your busy; okay, when will you not be busy? Oh you will let me know?” Lovely, ain’t it? Me thinks the reason you fear is because you are afraid you will have the bill pawned off on you, you know, like a date where the man is always expected to pay…ehe! The things men run away from these days! So read there, unless you want to get down and dirty quite literally, just keep your mechanic to yourself and let me vent, when I finish we all go home!

Lesson 7. ‘Gari ni spareparts‘ (A car is its spare-parts). If they are not available locally, you are in problems.
I think with that, it is time I sold my car and pass on its problems to the lowest bidder, any takers?

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http://lily.co.ke/2014/07/09/me-me-and-more-me-part-2/#commentsWed, 09 Jul 2014 07:00:25 +0000http://lily.co.ke/?p=3827Co-workers Oh well, what can I say about these people. They are the people I spend 90% of my time with. They are my new past-time. They are fun to go on safari with, that much I will admit. I know you are wondering how did I talk about safari before talking about work! It was deliberate. I am bored with my job at the moment, it does pay well, but since everything is about me, it has become a chore trying to drag myself out of bed every morning. Boss, that explains the one... Continue reading →

]]>Co-workers
Oh well, what can I say about these people. They are the people I spend 90% of my time with. They are my new past-time. They are fun to go on safari with, that much I will admit. I know you are wondering how did I talk about safari before talking about work! It was deliberate. I am bored with my job at the moment, it does pay well, but since everything is about me, it has become a chore trying to drag myself out of bed every morning. Boss, that explains the one hour lateness every morning, sorry for that, I will do better. There are good moments and bad moments. I am the youngest followed by my boss, then the rest are way over there. You get the drift. We are only two ladies, the other is a 50 plus year old woman who listens to Joyce Meyer sermons at her desk at peak volume in the middle of the day, she is the receptionist. They are cool peoples! Is all I am going to say. So that’s that, that is going as it is going!

FriendsI got an injury and the doctor said no travel for two years; my phone is old, can’t communicate, seriously I do not even know what the fuss is about this whatsapp thing; you saw me where? No that was my sister, we do look really alike you know! I was swallowed by a whale and disappeared. These are just a few of the excuses I give people for not keeping in touch. I know it is wrong, I know I will need them at one time, but for the life of me I cannot keep communication lines open. Seriously, I do not have a whatsapp compliant phone, why? I do not know! If you do not call me, I will not call you. If you do not keep in touch, well this friendship was not meant to be. I take two days to reply to a text, if at all I reply. I usually draft the message in my head, then make as if to respond, then put the phone aside to handle other business and that is how the send button is never hit, now you know! I was going through my photo album the other day and realized I only have photos in there of myself, yet I know I have taken many photos in my lifetime with people. That made me worry!

Men
My defense here is that relationship standards are at an all time low and I am just not willing to stoop down to that level. People want to date without putting in much effort, be it time, money, space. They want to sit in the comfort of their home and wait for you to come to them and give them a ‘good time’. Another misused phrase.

I have a car, I know, but expecting me to come to your place across town every now and then after work is taking it a tad too far. Get your behind in a cab, or a matatu, and get back the same way you came. Show me some effort first then I will be kind enough to reciprocate. Guys want you to be the one to call them, all the time, because they do not think much of you to load airtime into their phone and call you? I am picking the mundane things that really piss me off and make relationships a non-starter. Oh believing you are God’s gift to women! Scurry on little fellow, you knocked on the wrong door. Harsh? I do not think so, arrogance is the number one deal breaker in my list.

Let me not even talk of coffee or lunch dates, those do not exist in this part. Men are preserving all their hard-earned cash for a 100 bob beer for some dinghy joint, why again would they want to spend 500 bob on you at that restaurant? ”If you want a date baby girl, why don’t you show me your cooking skills in your house, then let’s have a ‘good time’, afterwards you can drop me at my place, what do you say, baby girl?” Seriously what happened to …boy meets girl or vice versa, they talk politics and laugh, become fast friends, boy asks if girl is in relationship, girl says no, boy expresses his intention, girl says we will see, boy pursues girl with gusto to impress her with the roadside flowers he plucked from a fence somewhere, girl says yes and they date into happily ever after…Am I asking for too much? Do I again have to explain why this part of my life is not happening right now? Unlike the rest of my relationships, this one will remain on pause for now!

Long live me, long live the relationships that make me want to be a better person everyday!

Author : Monica OgadaBio: I live and work in Kisumu. I like to laugh, I gravitate towards all things funny! I have multiple personalities, I conform to whatever the situation calls for at that time! Most people do not know the real me! I would love to travel and experience the world!

]]>http://lily.co.ke/2014/07/09/me-me-and-more-me-part-2/feed/0whatsapphttp://lily.co.ke/2014/07/09/me-me-and-more-me-part-2/Curve balls in relationshipshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thelilyreview/~3/iQ7k2zeq2Xo/
http://lily.co.ke/2014/07/07/curve-balls-in-relationships/#commentsMon, 07 Jul 2014 08:00:29 +0000http://lily.co.ke/?p=3807I thought I’d heard it all! This lady at the party was loudly bragging about her lover (another woman), because she realized that men weren’t ‘all that’! She claimed to have made the drastic change because women ‘get’ one another, with no explanations. “Women are expressive, not hard, like men. If am emotional, she doesn’t keep harassing me to style up and swallow it. She gets my bad days. She reaches out when am moody”. Clearly, the drink had got the better of her. Not that the ‘highly praised’ companion was any better!!! The room... Continue reading →

]]>I thought I’d heard it all! This lady at the party was loudly bragging about her lover (another woman), because she realized that men weren’t ‘all that’! She claimed to have made the drastic change because women ‘get’ one another, with no explanations. “Women are expressive, not hard, like men. If am emotional, she doesn’t keep harassing me to style up and swallow it. She gets my bad days. She reaches out when am moody”. Clearly, the drink had got the better of her. Not that the ‘highly praised’ companion was any better!!!

The room stood still. The men awkwardly moved away. The ladies suddenly were watching each other…hawk-eyed. You could just filter the thoughts in the room. Do we ignore them and carry on? Will it seem rude and anti-social to let those comments pass, and pretend we didn’t have a gay couple present?

Glancing round the room, I noticed a small cluster of people speaking in hushed tones. An impish grin flashed at me from among them. As she wildly gestured for me to quickly make my way towards them. Curiosity got the better of me. I joined them.
Sheila quickly started in on her angry tirade. “Can you believe her nerve? She’s spoilt the whole mood of the evening. Now, we’ll have to keep sidestepping the issue or move on along to another joint!

Amos asked, irritated, “Who invited her in the first place? I thought this was our Get-together for old time’s sake?”

“Well guys, this is what we call an open society..that’s what you get for not being clear on who exactly ‘fits your bill’, the amiable Sophie chirped.

“Oh really? Wasn’t Grace ‘straight’. when we were in campus? How were we to know when we included her in the invite, that we’d end up with this scenario? And since you’ve brought it up, how do you suggest we now clean shop-mmmhhhh….?” Alex reasoned.

Noting the ebbing mood in the room, Sheila grabbed Amos and quickly whispered something in his ear. Grinning, they looked at us, and the familiar sinking feeling in my stomach told me they would be up to no good.

“Okay folks, gather round”…his characteristic boom of a voice rang across the room. Suddenly, life emerged. Slowly, bodies gathered towards the centre of the room.

Focusing his gaze on Grace, he casually asked, “Gracie?”

“Mmmhhh?”

“Would you care to share more on why you feel we-men are to blame for your current predicament?”

“Whaaaat?” her words came out slightly slurred.

“You heard me. Why does your friend think you’re a worthy companion, compared to some of the able and best men in this room?”

“You’re one to ask?! I tried dating some of you, and you were non-starters! Should I continue?”, she challenged the men in the room, the glazed look quickly disappearing from her eyes. She waited for his next question. It never came…

]]>http://lily.co.ke/2014/07/07/curve-balls-in-relationships/feed/0two womenhttp://lily.co.ke/2014/07/07/curve-balls-in-relationships/Me, me and more me! [Part 1]http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thelilyreview/~3/0aamYUFbhs8/
http://lily.co.ke/2014/07/02/me-me-and-more-me-part-1/#commentsWed, 02 Jul 2014 07:00:20 +0000http://lily.co.ke/?p=3826I have taken time over the past six months to really look at myself. To really delve deep and find out who I am, not just as a person unto myself, but as a person in relation to others. My relationship with my creator, my relationship with my family, my relationship with my co-workers, my relationships with friends and more critically my relationship with men. It has of course been brought about by the fact that I am in a sleepy town; well to be honest not really sleepy, perhaps I am the one who... Continue reading →

]]>I have taken time over the past six months to really look at myself. To really delve deep and find out who I am, not just as a person unto myself, but as a person in relation to others. My relationship with my creator, my relationship with my family, my relationship with my co-workers, my relationships with friends and more critically my relationship with men. It has of course been brought about by the fact that I am in a sleepy town; well to be honest not really sleepy, perhaps I am the one who went to sleep! I actually dropped into this town with guns blazing, buying one, two investments here and there, pursuing higher education while at the same time reading for other professional papers, spending sleepless nights; I was on a roll, all in the course of a year and a half after moving into town! The result of my roll was of course a dwindled social life, friends who call to ask if you died, parents who meet you in the street like strangers and wonder whether you really live in the same town with them! Story for another day! So when the year ended I was drained and felt I needed to rediscover me. Just rest and find out where the hell my life was moving towards!

I am a single lady aged 28. I am not dating. Though I understand dating these days has changed definitions to mean coffee dates, hanging out with a guy and these casual meet ups. Reminds me of the saying, ‘I love you, but I am not in love with you’! Really, who gets to play around with definitions of words and gets the whole world following them? By dating I mean I am not seeing anyone in the form of a serious relationship. Moving on, I have invested considerably well in myself. I am not there, but I am headed there! Where there is where I want to be in future. Word play! I do not eat well, nor do I exercise. I sit at work all day, get into my car and rush home to sleep. Story of my life. So I am in a small town somewhere and I realize everything I do is really about me, this is the account of what I found out.

God
I have made my life so much about me that I no longer attend church, not consciously. Sometimes it could be that I am conveniently busy, perhaps someone needs me this Sunday, the boss needs me to go to work next Sunday, oh when was the last time I had a weekend to myself, the other Sunday, and on and on it goes. Before long two months have gone by, then three, suddenly I do not even know the last time I was in church! My relationship with God has suffered a huge blow, I cannot even fathom. I am simply ashamed. When we talk about offerings and tithe, I run and hide.

FamilyWhat does it say when you are in the same town as your folks and you only see them once in three months. For others it is worse I know, but still, my folks are the coolest people around town. They hold their own, so no, they do not beg and borrow and tell you about their ailing health and the high cost of medicine every time you go. Or about the leaking roof. They are not rich, but they want for nothing. Why I do not see my folk, well, I am ‘busy’. Busy sleeping of course; busy daydreaming in the office; busy being a busy body! My sisters and brother, communication is at an all time low, thank God for facebook, that would also be in the trenches. Now again they are the coolest people around town, I wouldn’t trade them in for anything. We spent some good days with my family laughing and we still do when we meet up. People hardly get our jokes, but we laugh at them till we roll over, cry tears and hold our stomachs since we can’t breathe. True Story!

Author : Monica OgadaBio: I live and work in Kisumu. I like to laugh, I gravitate towards all things funny! I have multiple personalities, I conform to whatever the situation calls for at that time! Most people do not know the real me! I would love to travel and experience the world!

]]>http://lily.co.ke/2014/07/02/me-me-and-more-me-part-1/feed/0thinking-womanhttp://lily.co.ke/2014/07/02/me-me-and-more-me-part-1/Shutting the pity party downhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thelilyreview/~3/aKJ_6bAhrX8/
http://lily.co.ke/2014/06/30/shutting-the-pity-party-down/#commentsMon, 30 Jun 2014 06:00:51 +0000http://lily.co.ke/?p=3814“Thinking about the past doesn’t make for restful sleep” – Aiden Mathis (Revenge series) Ghosts of the past haunt us more than they are entitled to. They cause more turmoil than they should owing to our welcoming nature. We play host to these ghosts and refuse adamantly to let them stay where they belong; locked up in a cage called long gone. I lost my book, but my relentless efforts to hold on to data recovery for months has rendered me a hopeless sob. Sad really. I mean I am Lilian Cathy for Chrissake! I... Continue reading →

Ghosts of the past haunt us more than they are entitled to. They cause more turmoil than they should owing to our welcoming nature. We play host to these ghosts and refuse adamantly to let them stay where they belong; locked up in a cage called long gone.

I lost my book, but my relentless efforts to hold on to data recovery for months has rendered me a hopeless sob. Sad really. I mean I am Lilian Cathy for Chrissake! I write the hell out of application letters and not to mention names but I have helped mend cracked relationships with my oh so mushy poetry so why am I whining over chapters that I can rewrite even better? Clearly Lilian Cathy from the past should come back and give me a thorough bum lashing.

So I went for Brand Ambassador training for one of the many companies I represent in that way, I promise, this is totally related to the matter at hand. Anyway, aside from the talks and food, which I had gone through a cleanse for, given past gastrogasmic effects, there was team building. My team kicked ass at number almost last, great improvement from last year I must say, kudos. After that, there was meditation. After the session I realized I LOVE meditating so much I did it again and here comes the relevant bit, I invoked my spirit from the past! So here she is doing a spoken word piece entitled “No one likes a pity party Lillian.” I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Have you ever felt alone? To worldly fatal analogies prone? Those around you unfairly drawing parable you and others your old saying “Why don’t you? Why will you not? Why not be like?”

And your heart heavy with self doubt, heavy like the waves against your fragile body as you drown in a sea of vanity and stupidity.

Then snap you wake to the thoughts of those who bore and raised you.

Saying, “you are my one and only”

You wake to the wisdom of your very thoughts and snap!

Do not compare me, you say.

I am not like them, I will never be like them as I am myself and that is success in itself

I am an ocean vast and deep. I am a mesh-work of fine art and I wear it well. I am an African woman with a global heart and soul. I am infused energy and a haven of electrified joy and enthusiasm, and nothing less than ecstasy! I wake every day to the thunderous sound that is my every breath, to the endless besting of my heart and to an anticipating soul that has unquenchable thirst, unfillable hunger, and an endless quest.

So I will not sigh my breath away.

I will not whine my breath away.

I will………….

Well you all get the point. I stopped her before she started charging me for motivational speech. I do love her but once she starts to speak, she goes to the archives in her mind for all catchy phrases and whatnot. I mean the woman does not know when to stop! I have to keep her in check in regard to the chit chat. When it comes to pep talk, she is a broken record going on and on, a broken record, but a beautiful song nonetheless.

So there, whenever I feel low, I consult my old self. I know myself well enough to always invoke my true self to chase the intruder away.

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]]>http://lily.co.ke/2014/06/30/shutting-the-pity-party-down/feed/0sad-silhouettehttp://lily.co.ke/2014/06/30/shutting-the-pity-party-down/*newsflash* Ladies, men are choosy toohttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thelilyreview/~3/NaphEoJrTik/
http://lily.co.ke/2014/06/26/newsflash-ladies-men-are-choosy-too/#commentsThu, 26 Jun 2014 07:09:08 +0000http://lily.co.ke/?p=3803Wow…its been a while! I know, I know…no regular ‘work’ or ‘busyness’ excuses, children running riot underfoot, meetings in and out of town. Naah, your life’s too organized to ever really warrant explaining distance, long silences, unrelenting work schedule…right? Well, mine’s been hectic. Real hectic! Had to do my fair share of growing up..uh huh! And I found out that this multi-tasking thing, can sometimes take the FUN and excitement out of life. Juggling many balls can have a downside too. And more so for the organized, choleric types like myself. We don’t know how... Continue reading →

]]>Wow…its been a while! I know, I know…no regular ‘work’ or ‘busyness’ excuses, children running riot underfoot, meetings in and out of town. Naah, your life’s too organized to ever really warrant explaining distance, long silences, unrelenting work schedule…right?

Well, mine’s been hectic. Real hectic! Had to do my fair share of growing up..uh huh! And I found out that this multi-tasking thing, can sometimes take the FUN and excitement out of life. Juggling many balls can have a downside too. And more so for the organized, choleric types like myself. We don’t know how to let things drop! When we see a missing link, were the first to point it out. If no one moves in to salvage the situation, we step right in (albeit with a martyr syndrome)- after all, we take our joy from saving the world. But at the end of it all, energy drained, lifeless, distressed (read ‘stressed out’), unmotivated and frumpy. Bad hair days can become the norm, if you aren’t careful. And let me let you in on a real secret: he still loves (and wants) you to shine, believe in him, look like the darling he met, work it in the bedroom and dish a mean meal. You better believe it!

So, am back here. Finally..Slowly, but surely.

I found out that while I dived underwater, and came up for air, there was wildfire about the ‘skin-lightening’ techniques of one Vera, ‘derrieres’ had become the buzz word, MCAs were being impeached, hate speech painted screens ‘red’ on Kenyan social media. Arrrgggh…Too much drama for me..I dived into my favourite topic: REAL Relationships, and how to make them work..and last.

My last chat with 5 girlfriends left me wondering about the Kenyan she-male and her relationships. They had practically given up on the very thing their hearts longed for: committed and requited Love. Yeah, I seem to draw quite a number of these female folk, hoping to settle down soon. Now they were threatening to ‘settle’ in the strangest ways…”am in my 40’s and no sight of anyone I like, my “type” just doesn’t seem to hang out where I do, I just want good stock to father my kid and move on (men have too much drama), the ones I like are all married and want to marry me (am at a loss as to who to choose). I want kids and he doesn’t, so it’s so stressful…and it went on and on.

As in, really?? Ladies, if this is the sort of convo were engaging in around town, any wonder that the men are also listening in or looking on in similar despair? You want to be called ‘wife’ but you want none of the ‘baggage/responsibility/adulthood issues’ that comes with it. Well, men sometimes have to be handled like little ones, stroke an ego, feed their stomachs, soothe a disrespect pain, help bring home the cheddar (before you’re called a good-for-nothing sloth). All depends on what type of relationship you go for. Think you can hack it? Nope? Refresh your memory from the above paragraph.

So, the ones he takes home are the ones who don’t loudly chew gum, clean nails with their teeth, speak deep ‘sheng‘ from Eastlands, aren’t baring all for others to take a bet on you, or pulling them down every minute self-consciously, saw one recently in a matatu (don’t scratch airtime cards with their nails) whew…isn’t that a long TO-DO list? Yeah, and even better is that every man is unique in his preferences. So in as much as we love to generalise that men are this…men are like that…they hate this…they love that, they each have their own quirkiness about the one they are ‘goo-goo gaa-gaa’ about.

Study the one you’re with and keep graduating Yeah, this is #Class101. To keep a good thing going, you gotta keep learning and growing with him. He’s changing too, baby girl. What used to tweak his fancy in his 20’s is going to be long forgotten in his 40’s, and may leave you clueless in his 60’s (if you don’t get with the program).

Too much? Then sit down for a while child. Coz this is going to be one loooong ride See you on the other side of #Class.

]]>http://lily.co.ke/2014/06/26/newsflash-ladies-men-are-choosy-too/feed/0talking-girlshttp://lily.co.ke/2014/06/26/newsflash-ladies-men-are-choosy-too/Dust off the Shelveshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thelilyreview/~3/5dnhpxfRq0M/
http://lily.co.ke/2014/06/25/dust-off-the-shelves/#commentsWed, 25 Jun 2014 08:36:53 +0000http://lily.co.ke/?p=3799My father is a wise man. He doesn’t realise it but many times he says the wisest things. We were having a deep conversation about life and achieving our dreams and he told me something about myself that I needed to hear. He told me that I am multi-talented and there are so many things I am good at but I like to limit myself. I have endless possibilities to do something that will change my life. I get excited when I start doing something, but my problem is that I get easily bored and... Continue reading →

My father is a wise man. He doesn’t realise it but many times he says the wisest things. We were having a deep conversation about life and achieving our dreams and he told me something about myself that I needed to hear. He told me that I am multi-talented and there are so many things I am good at but I like to limit myself. I have endless possibilities to do something that will change my life. I get excited when I start doing something, but my problem is that I get easily bored and I am impatient.

What he said was true about me. I can easily get demotivated. I think too much and make endless calculations in my head about how I want my life to be but I don’t change my present to shape my future.I have started so many projects but I have never finished them or even gotten halfway. I lose hope too easily and to fast. It’s no wonder I have been feeling forlorn lately. My dad told me to dust off the shelves and take charge.

We like to make excuses for the lives that we live. Whenever life isn’t going the way we had planned we get comfortable and start making excuses. I have been making excuses that I don’t have the time and the equipment and tools that I need to start making my dreams come true. I have become comfortable in not doing anything such that I have become afraid of trying and failing. Things don’t come easily and before you accomplish something great, you have to go through obstacles that build you and make you stronger. Most of us do not want to go through these obstacles. Most of us are waiting for our dreams to come to us on a silver platter. Most of us think that when that future arrives, then we can start working on those dreams. Those are lies we tell ourselves and while we sit and wait a part of us keeps chipping and chipping away. Before we realise it, we are ghosts of the people we did not want to become. We are too far gone and it gets hard to catch up on life. We stop dreaming…we stop living. We are in a dusty shelve of what we once were.

Are we going to let our lives be that empty? Are we going to let go of our future that easily? No! We can’t do that. God never created us to have no purpose in life. We are not meant to be unhappy and we are not meant to fear failure. Failure is the staircase to success. Success is not for the weak of mind and heart. We should not sit and wait, even birds and animals don’t wait for food and shelter to find them; they search for it. We simply can’t let our passions die. That burning desire to do something should always be there. We have to hold on to that burning desire. At that point you want to give up on something, that is where your success lies. That is where your breakthrough is. Don’t give up. Don’t tire. Don’t lose hope. Most of all, don’t sit around waiting for things to come to you. You have to wake up and take that first step at trying to accomplish those dreams. You might not see the future now but one you take that one step you realise a change in you has occurred. If you continue pursuing your dreams and making that passion the driving force, then you will start noticing doors opening for you, opportunities coming your way and there will be no limitations. You will be unstoppable.

]]>http://lily.co.ke/2014/06/25/dust-off-the-shelves/feed/0animal_bg_7_011406Photo courtesy of http://www.pdphoto.orghttp://lily.co.ke/2014/06/25/dust-off-the-shelves/Do Australians have the right to be bigots?http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thelilyreview/~3/9jjCwuo3JnU/
http://lily.co.ke/2014/06/04/do-australians-have-the-right-to-be-bigots/#commentsWed, 04 Jun 2014 08:00:50 +0000http://lily.co.ke/?p=3792We live in the age that someone is fined 2.5 million dollars for racist comments as in the case of Donald Sterling, owner of the American NBA team Clippers. This is the same man who was about to receive a lifetime achievement award for donating consistently and generously minority charities and giving game tickets to inner city children. He also turned the Clippers, a team with mainly people of color from 15 million business to 1.9 billion business. This makes his players some of the most highly paid sports stars in the industry. All this... Continue reading →

]]>We live in the age that someone is fined 2.5 million dollars for racist comments as in the case of Donald Sterling, owner of the American NBA team Clippers. This is the same man who was about to receive a lifetime achievement award for donating consistently and generously minority charities and giving game tickets to inner city children. He also turned the Clippers, a team with mainly people of color from 15 million business to 1.9 billion business. This makes his players some of the most highly paid sports stars in the industry.

All this came on the heels of Senator George Brandis, Australian Attorney-General, who recently stated that Australians “have the right to be bigots”. This started wide debates about racial discrimination and whether people of color have become oversensitive. This got me thinking of when I first moved to Australia. My first friends were an older Australian couple that lived next door. We would have afternoon teas on my days off and just chat about life. The man used to call me nigress, even when introducing me to his friends he would refer me as the “nigress’. The friends would then stare in embarrassment and wait for me to correct him, or resist, but it didn’t bother me and I didn’t correct him at all. After a while, his more forward thinking wife told him, it was probably not wise to call me “nigress” it was “inappropriate” and “ignorant”, and after a time he stopped, and the word was never mentioned again. My point is, I did not care that he called me nigress, or any other name, because I have never doubted that he cared about me. When I was down and out he and his wife took me in. When my boyfriend left, he came and sat with me as I cried. When I graduated with a Masters degree he came and stood in the place of my parents, who couldn’t afford the pricey flight from Africa. The words did not matter, his actions spoke louder.

The new Racial Discrimination Act proposes that it be illegal “intimidate another person” and create a new clause making it illegal to “vilify another person” on the basis of “race, color or national or ethnic origin”. Which in my opinion does not even begin to scrape at the real issues of racism in Australia. The problem is not the public displays of racism like in the and buses. Real racism is hidden deep in the hearts of the real estate agents who don’t rent to people of color. Human resources managers that throw away resumes that have “strange surnames”. According to recent research, if you are Chinese you have to apply for 68 per cent more jobs to get the same number of interviews as an Anglo-Australian. If you’re Middle Eastern, it’s 64 per cent. If you’re indigenous, 35 per cent. This is polite racism, as Waleed Aly a political lecturer at Monash, university calls it. This new breed of racism that seems “polite” educated and cultured is just as insidious as it predecessors, and worse, because it cannot be governed. There is no law that can govern feelings and emotions.

The Racial Discrimination Act just reinforces the current culture of political correctness in Australia. It reinforces racial discrimination in that it one can act and say whatever they want in private as long as he is not heard by the wrong people or breaking the law.

In a world of political correctness, where everyone is mindful to say the right thing, or otherwise be chastised, there is no law now and in the future that can govern racist feelings. Trying to govern speech only stifles expression and ingrains those feelings. Monsters grow in the dark and the Australian culture of political correctness is not solving the problem of race but deepening the issues.

Every immigrant who comes to Australia makes Australia home by choice. They have the right to fight for a piece of the Aussie dream even if it takes longer that their Caucasian colleagues. Australia is very diverse and there are a lot of people to whom race is a non issue and doesn’t factor it in there decision making. The research shows that the people of color do get work in Australia even if it takes longer. Hence instead of focusing on “who is saying what” lets look inward and focus on righting our values. Let the bigots speak and act on their foolishness, as the world keeps moving forward, they too shall be phased out.

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]]>http://lily.co.ke/2014/06/04/do-australians-have-the-right-to-be-bigots/feed/0140429163903-donald-sterling-nba-ban-single-image-cuthttp://lily.co.ke/2014/06/04/do-australians-have-the-right-to-be-bigots/Mr Right may not be the right kind of guyhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thelilyreview/~3/7k_ENOHJ9TE/
http://lily.co.ke/2014/05/30/mr-right-may-not-be-the-right-kind-of-guy/#commentsFri, 30 May 2014 08:00:56 +0000http://lily.co.ke/?p=3788Have you ever met Mr. Right? You know, that guy who has everything you’ve ever wanted. He’s a gentleman, he’s sweet, he’s caring, he’s there for you and he’s funny. He’s basically what you have always wanted. You are so excited at finding such a wonderful man. He’s the missing part in your life. He even comes up with the name of your future kids. Months fly by and you meet his friends and some of his family. Everything is good; it’s your perfect fairy tale. Then you start thinking this is too good to... Continue reading →

Have you ever met Mr. Right? You know, that guy who has everything you’ve ever wanted. He’s a gentleman, he’s sweet, he’s caring, he’s there for you and he’s funny. He’s basically what you have always wanted. You are so excited at finding such a wonderful man. He’s the missing part in your life. He even comes up with the name of your future kids. Months fly by and you meet his friends and some of his family. Everything is good; it’s your perfect fairy tale.

Then you start thinking this is too good to be true. Something at the back of your mind keeps nagging you about the relationship but you ignore it. You’ve found the guy you want to spend your life with, why would anything go wrong. Then you start noticing small things like how he doesn’t like you spending time with your friends. He wants to accompany you everywhere you go. He becomes clingy, pushy, obsessive and possessive. He suddenly becomes a little too hard to handle. And then you break up with him…guess what happens? He becomes even more forceful and says that he loves you too much to be apart. He says you are soul mates, you’re meant to be. He wants to know what he did wrong so he can become exactly what you want. He sends you texts and calls all the time. When you ignore him he becomes angry but tells you he loves you even when you ignore him. Now you’re wondering what the heck happened.

When something is too good to be true think twice. We never pay attention to that phrase but it’s true. We all have an idea of the kind of person we want to be with. Most of the time we’ve searched for this person for so long we forget how to reason and use our brains. You meet this guy and he’s in sync with you and you want the same things. The search is over. We fail to analyse the little details we learn about the guy like how bad his past relationships ended. Mr. Right becomes your nightmare. You realise this person is not at all what you wanted. Your list goes down the drain. I think it’s time we stop making decisions bases on heightened emotions. Love is not blind and when we are most emotional our reasoning goes down and we make rash decisions we regret later. Our emotional judgment can’t be trusted anymore.

We may find what we are looking for but that doesn’t mean it’s the right person for you. He may have all the qualities you want but he might not fulfill you. He may have it all figured out but it doesn’t mean he complements your life. Before getting into a relationship get to know that person well especially his nonverbal communication which shouts a lot more than his words. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.

]]>http://lily.co.ke/2014/05/30/mr-right-may-not-be-the-right-kind-of-guy/feed/0Photo Courtesy of www.etsy.comhttp://lily.co.ke/2014/05/30/mr-right-may-not-be-the-right-kind-of-guy/A man will treat you the way you let himhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thelilyreview/~3/Aa92egmAaJA/
http://lily.co.ke/2014/05/21/a-man-will-treat-you-the-way-you-let-him/#commentsWed, 21 May 2014 08:00:53 +0000http://lily.co.ke/?p=3782“I love you. I want to marry you and only you,” I remember the first time I heard these words from him. My heart raced, my feet became weak and I could barely breathe. And therein came flashes of images of fat babies, a picket fence, a horse named Lucy along with my bestseller novels, packed on the top shelf of our home library. As fast as they came, they left, and with them the feeling that would have been love was nothing but pain. Because the man I was in love with, was saying... Continue reading →

I remember the first time I heard these words from him. My heart raced, my feet became weak and I could barely breathe. And therein came flashes of images of fat babies, a picket fence, a horse named Lucy along with my bestseller novels, packed on the top shelf of our home library. As fast as they came, they left, and with them the feeling that would have been love was nothing but pain. Because the man I was in love with, was saying this to another. Coming home to kiss my cheek and share a meal. Before embarking on what he so shamelessly calls “love making”. Then up and going early in the morning, with me on the sides, helping him, dutifully, and he said that to another.

The best lies carry an element of truth.
Neil Caphrey, White Collar Series

Upon reminiscence, I realized I brought this upon myself. A man, my friends now so wisely tell me, will treat you the way you let him. And I put myself out as available for all manner of usage and he only accepted an offer even I would never refuse. He will only go as far as you let him so the second the violent caress did not chase me away he felt it proper to do it again and again.

Dreams are beautiful, unless they are shattered. Then they are seemingly ugly sources of every ill feeling one can think of. But they are not as shattered glass that cannot be fixed. They with near-magical stride always have a way of getting back on their feet or even higher because it is in our hearts that they are bred, and the heart does not falter. It grows. Especially one that dares to dream.

I had put my dream onhold for someone I felt needed me. I thought it would give me a different purpose and for days upon end I was a lost soul drifting aimlessly to inevitable demise unless I went back to whatever drove me to the person I am. Writing.

I cleaned, cooked, washed and listened and rubbed. And all I got in return, was spite, violent caress and
aloof.

I got up and left.

Upon declaration of departure my knees weakened and I knew then that it was going to be the hardest thing to do. I stayed, telling myself that he is out of my league when all the while I am out of HIS league. I am phenomenal and cannot stop with how far I have come. It takes baby steps. That is a good thing because I have been taking those my whole life.

I start work Monday, from scratch. I am crashing with a friend. I start house hunting in two weeks. Suggestions around town are welcome.

It is the hardest thing to do, move on. Especially if what awaits you on the other side is debts, no home, angry folks and no school. All you have is yourself and whatever real friends you have around you. Friends unafraid to tell you the truth no matter how ugly it is. It took my friends laying down their hearts for me to realize by hurting me, I immensely do the same to them. It took long talks, monologues of just how phenomenal they deem my spirit to help me get off of my behind and do something, if not for myself, then so I don’t lose them.

A literary guru and a woman I idolize did say that we do things for the approval of men. We do. We dress up, we work hard to look amazingly fake. All for a man whose eyes are maybe set on another and in doing so, we fail ourselves. We fail our friends. We fail our very purpose.

So heavy with the wisdom my experience has bestowed upon me, I walked. It is scary. I cry every night thinking about my loss though my friends say I am better off. I veer off at work and I smoke twenty cancer sticks if only to keep euphoria beside me- if a head rush counts as one. But I will never look back.

]]>http://lily.co.ke/2014/05/21/a-man-will-treat-you-the-way-you-let-him/feed/0lovehttp://lily.co.ke/2014/05/21/a-man-will-treat-you-the-way-you-let-him/Anchor for the soulhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thelilyreview/~3/7vKEXkQKvCw/
http://lily.co.ke/2014/05/12/anchor-for-the-soul/#commentsMon, 12 May 2014 08:00:38 +0000http://lily.co.ke/?p=3772I had decided to be hopeless about relationships just because one guy ruined me. I had decided to believe that all the good men were taken and the ones around are still trying to figure out what they want to be when they grow up…which for some it’s true. I had lost the point of relationships wondering how the hell I was going to trust someone again. So for months I’ve been living with a dark cloud hanging over my head. It’s funny how when you lose hope in one small thing you end up... Continue reading →

I had decided to be hopeless about relationships just because one guy ruined me. I had decided to believe that all the good men were taken and the ones around are still trying to figure out what they want to be when they grow up…which for some it’s true.

I had lost the point of relationships wondering how the hell I was going to trust someone again. So for months I’ve been living with a dark cloud hanging over my head. It’s funny how when you lose hope in one small thing you end up losing hope in everything. I woke up tired of this feeling. Hopelessness is stifling. I couldn’t take it anymore. It’s all gloomy and boring. Hopelessness is like a rope that keeps getting tighter and tighter around your neck. It looked like it didn’t have an end until I put a stop to it.

I love the feeling of having hope. It’s wonderful and exhilarating. It makes your heart lighter. You smile more, laugh more. You enjoy life and you look forward to each day because you know it’s all going to work out. You believe in yourself and the people around you. You stop worrying over everything because you don’t have to. You don’t have to figure out everything right now because there’s someone up higher who’s writing your story.

If you are in that hopeless state (over anything) get out because you don’t know what you are missing. Life is too short to be unhappy and not to believe in anything. We have one life to live, enjoy it to the max with no regrets. I don’t want to be that girl who walks around saying it’s not going to happen, it doesn’t exist, it will never work…frankly that’s too much for my brain. I like believing in something. I like hoping for good things. I like being excited over what God’s going to do in my life and how that will impact others. God has showed me that my way is rough and I have paid the price for it. I was stubborn and impatient and human but he let me see the error I had made. Now He tells me that his way is better and leads to fulfillment and joy. Who wouldn’t want that? My sun has risen again and yet I see how I can make my own life complicated. So goodbye hopelessness. Hope is my new thing now and it’s going to be like that for a long time. This reminds me of Natasha Bedingfield’s song ‘Smell the roses.’

]]>http://lily.co.ke/2014/05/12/anchor-for-the-soul/feed/0hopehttp://lily.co.ke/2014/05/12/anchor-for-the-soul/When it rains, it pourshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thelilyreview/~3/3O799FeXhjA/
http://lily.co.ke/2014/05/05/when-it-rains-it-pours/#commentsMon, 05 May 2014 07:00:53 +0000http://lily.co.ke/?p=3768These past few weeks have been trying. I have learnt the very hard way the value of a good backup system. I lost all my data –essential chapters of my book included – owing to my stone age devices. I have been kicked out of the house I was living in, owing to my all too trusting nature. Next time, I will be less of a lazy bum and pay the rent myself. As I write this, I am nursing taste buds that have been aroused, albeit unknowingly, but aroused nonetheless by my best friend’s... Continue reading →

]]>These past few weeks have been trying. I have learnt the very hard way the value of a good backup system. I lost all my data –essential chapters of my book included – owing to my stone age devices. I have been kicked out of the house I was living in, owing to my all too trusting nature. Next time, I will be less of a lazy bum and pay the rent myself.

As I write this, I am nursing taste buds that have been aroused, albeit unknowingly, but aroused nonetheless by my best friend’s roommate who has no idea that my budget disallows the luxury that is a decent lunch. I cannot stretch it beyond weekly treats, I simply cannot. On the upside, the “baby fat” around my midsection is saying bye bye, a minute loss but one worth documenting seeing as I am running short on good news. Who wants a sad read? Not me.

My most valuable lesson though, has been trust. Owing to my all too naïve nature, I have managed to lose a house and my dignity. The former I believe has been vaguely documented in the previous paragraphs and in my defense, giving my housemate the rent to pay, and trusting they would do so was out of respect for her age and standing among my peers (she is nine years older than us). The later however, I could blame slot of factors, desperation, disillusion, an inactive brain hence the slow thinking, the con man’s skills in deception, even the weather. But it all goes down to being too trusting.

Yes, a middle aged man in decent clad, a limp to his walk, can steal a phone from a girl in her early twenties just trying not to stay homeless and salvage her data and dream with it. I could break his other leg next time I meet him, but he is not worth all the energy nor an extra sin in my very long list. I could suggest a few that need deceptive people like you but I will leave you to your own devices. Surely wherever the brilliant idea to cheat your way into ‘pen mbili na ndururu’ is over pouring with more brilliant ideas. Moving on swiftly.

I have been living with #1 the past few weeks. Trying to get my computer fixed on my budget and getting a job that will help me get my own space if only just to do one of my famous drunk splits. Oh yes, I left out that I was fired. And paid in halves that are not even complete. I mean good Lord! Does it hurt anybody to pay the three hundred a day minimum wage in full? To make matters worse, I have to call the person three times a day. It seems like the past few weeks I have been calling upon some god three times a day. So I stopped.

People need to learn the art of nobility. Pay what you owe. In terms of teaching these brothers and sister of ours this art, I will make do with my literary skills, litigators with their skills, karma with her vileness and so on. If not, we leave it to a higher power. There are more pressing matters like re-writing a book. Thank God for my stone-age methods, I have a few chapters in hard copy. Plus, I have a feeling the loss, as cliché as it may seem, happened for a reason.

So I will get lost in my writing, and live.

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http://lily.co.ke/2014/04/28/is-polygamy-the-answer/#commentsMon, 28 Apr 2014 12:13:47 +0000http://lily.co.ke/?p=3762Why would a law that allows a man to take more than one wife be passed in a hugely Christian nation? Then an answer came to me loud and clear; the reason is the majority of the members are middle aged men with a serious case of the mid life crisis. Less than ten percent of the Kenyan parliament consists of women so they have little or no say on issues that matter to women. The law should be a reflection of the culture of the nation and according to Kenyan politicians, having more than one... Continue reading →

]]>Why would a law that allows a man to take more than one wife be passed in a hugely Christian nation? Then an answer came to me loud and clear; the reason is the majority of the members are middle aged men with a serious case of the mid life crisis. Less than ten percent of the Kenyan parliament consists of women so they have little or no say on issues that matter to women. The law should be a reflection of the culture of the nation and according to Kenyan politicians, having more than one wife is not only acceptable but normal.

The people supporting the law state that this law protects women, prevents them from being used and discarded. It gives all women an opportunity to become a legal wife, instead of being a scandalous mistress. It also helps restore marriage because the woman does not have the pressure to do all the work in the household. She has a companion to help her meet her husbands needs, hence has more time to devout to her own interests.

This law is also supposed to protect the children because they are now can live without being the shameful evidence of some man’s indiscretions. A lot of Kenyan men have had affairs and have children from this affairs this children are often kept secret and don’t get the same quality of life as the children from the legal wife. These causes deep seated issues that manifest in low self esteem, drug problems and more than anything a confused sense of self and their role in society,

On the other hand, why is it that only the men can have more than one wife? What happened to, what is good for the gander is good for the goose also called gender equality? If men want more than wife, why not pursue the women all at once? Why do they get to lure the women in one by one like sheep to the slaughter? I propose that if a man wants four wives, he should marry all four at once. He should not be allowed to suck the life out of one and get a new one after each decade.

What about wealth protection? Don’t women have a choice to protect themselves financially from scheming people who slime their way into their husband’s beds? If a husband chooses to marry another woman, does the woman also have to split her pay check with the new woman? What about the wealth that was accumulated, does the new woman just walk into wealth that easily like manna that has been dropped from heaven.

The Western world is not providing a good example with half the marriages ending up in divorce more so with the working structures changing from fulltime to fly in and fly out, part time and flexible work programs making marriages harder to resolve. Clearly the one man one wife is not working for the Western world too. But is polygamy the answer? What happened to fidelity and faithfulness till death? Should we all compromise on our values and create laws based on our weakness. Men decide that they cannot control themselves hence they write laws religious and otherwise to make it more acceptable. Are we also going to make the laws based on this premise, let’s legalise junk food, subsidise it and market it to children. We all succumb to it, junk food makes us sick, but we all enjoy it so let’s ignore the facts and just give in!

If we are legalising things that make life easier, lets make a law that forces afternoon naps on week days, we all would be so much more productive after a after lunch siesta. The issue of one wife one man marriage is complex and needs to be discussed and all the facts be put on the table. Laws should not only be a reflection of the culture they should also be an aspiration a model. If the law does not lay high standards for its citizen, the people have no choice but to falter and bow to their own weaknesses.

]]>http://lily.co.ke/2014/04/28/is-polygamy-the-answer/feed/0romantic-proposalhttp://lily.co.ke/2014/04/28/is-polygamy-the-answer/Lunch with my “boo”http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thelilyreview/~3/PFNliRnqKf8/
http://lily.co.ke/2014/04/15/lunch-with-my-boo/#commentsTue, 15 Apr 2014 07:00:43 +0000http://lily.co.ke/?p=3737“So tell me about your terrible morning,” He knows how to cut to the chase this man. However I am too engrossed in my greasy piece of chicken to think of the day as anything but blissful and the morning anything far from a distant memory, long gone and forgotten. “Almost did not get to work but I am here. Tell me about your skinny girlfriend.” She is actually the ex-girlfriend but I have this strong inclination to annoy the hell out of him regardless. This city is starting to eat at the few sensitive... Continue reading →

]]>“So tell me about your terrible morning,” He knows how to cut to the chase this man. However I am too engrossed in my greasy piece of chicken to think of the day as anything but blissful and the morning anything far from a distant memory, long gone and forgotten.

“Almost did not get to work but I am here. Tell me about your skinny girlfriend.” She is actually the ex-girlfriend but I have this strong inclination to annoy the hell out of him regardless. This city is starting to eat at the few sensitive muscles I had left after high school.

“Don’t ruin my lunch wewe! And respect people’s sizes. Not everyone is as fat as you, you know?”

“Aaah touché!”

“You started it. And no more talk about her okay. That is the least I need from my best friend. Be nice to me would you?”

“You know you don’t have to ask that. I’ll be mean anyways. School? What’s new in that former neighbourhood of mine?”

“Well, since you graduated early, the course got extremely easy. You should have stayed on a while love.”

“You know it has never been about it being complicated.”

“I know. You’re happy though?”

“You have to ask?” I say, grabbing my fourth chicken wing.

“I am happy you are happy. I might marry you the way things are going.” He looks so handsome every time he says that; dangerously handsome.

“You’re sure mama would want you to marry a school dropout?”

“If she followed her dreams and made it. If she is a hard worker like you, yes.”

“I know right? Lazy bum. Don’t get fired from this one. You need it to get by. How’s the book going?”

“Writers block.”

“Isn’t that for real writers?”

I realize I am still hungry and between lashing out at him for that crude and insensitive statement and grabbing an extra bite to eat, the latter proves less tedious so I go to the counter and order another bag of fries and three pieces of chicken.

“You’re paying.”

“Punishing a guy much?”

“Be careful what you say around me. You will pay in kind.”

I regret that statement soon as it leaves my mouth.

He draws closer. “In kind you say?”

His breath almost fused with mine. So hot. His face barely two inches apart from mine. A rush runs through me.

“Would you look at the time! Don’t want to get fired from this job. Got to pay rent.”

I bolt, wrapping my food in a plastic bag. You never know when that scary, irritating feeling called hunger creeps in. In my case, it is probably every hour owing to my very healthy metabolism. I am still amazed at how much weight I have managed to keep off. Though I have noticed with a lot of concern which I so wisely put off for later-wouldn’t want to get ulcers over small things- that I have started growing an extra thick and bulgy layer of skin around my waist.

I do the cross sign and get into the office.

Time flies and after a few emails and phone calls it is 4.45p.m, my cue to pack up and bolt.

Three more hours and I go home to my house with no power and barely any furniture but hell isn’t it bliss. I look at my purse, and it’s empty.

My phone beeps and the message reads, “Thought you would want to get home today.”

I scroll down and see the conspicuous MPESA message. What would I do without my best friend? For starters, walking home is not something I like thinking about. I quietly answer as I lock up.

My phone beeps again. “And tomorrow, and the day after.”

“I owe you.” I respond, a huge grin that I am so relieved he is not around to see brushed across my mouth for almost two seconds. Off to queue for the bus to my home. I love my life.

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]]>http://lily.co.ke/2014/04/15/lunch-with-my-boo/feed/0chicken-wings-and-mac-n-cheesehttp://lily.co.ke/2014/04/15/lunch-with-my-boo/The concept of lovehttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thelilyreview/~3/JErPAWMLHQM/
http://lily.co.ke/2014/04/08/the-concept-of-love/#commentsTue, 08 Apr 2014 07:00:10 +0000http://lily.co.ke/?p=3750My dad has been trying to make me understand the concept of love and marriage. He keeps telling me that God chooses that perfect person for you. You fall in love deeply. A situation comes up and you break up/divorce that person. You go on dating other people and getting married but after years of marriage you divorce the person you are married to and you end up getting back together with that woman/man that you loved deeply. My dad gave me a few examples and I want to share some of them. The first... Continue reading →

]]>My dad has been trying to make me understand the concept of love and marriage. He keeps telling me that God chooses that perfect person for you. You fall in love deeply. A situation comes up and you break up/divorce that person. You go on dating other people and getting married but after years of marriage you divorce the person you are married to and you end up getting back together with that woman/man that you loved deeply.

My dad gave me a few examples and I want to share some of them. The first example is about a man who left his fiancé at the altar and married another woman. He stayed married for 20 years but he still couldn’t find the fulfillment he had been looking for. One day he ran into the woman he left at the altar, they hit it off and until now he says that he feels at peace and fulfilled when he’s with this woman than with his wife.

The second example is a woman my father was talking to. She told him that her husband had been constantly cheating on her. He married a second wife and had 3 kids with her; he then married a third wife and had four kids with her. Now the husband is trying to win his first wife back. Whatever he was searching for he found it in her.

As I listened to my dad talking I could agree with a lot of what he said. God is just amazing. He uniquely creates a man and a woman and ties them together. God has created a perfect love for you. When I say perfect I don’t mean romance in books and telenovelas…I mean perfect in God’s eyes. The way God created love is not complicated; we humans complicate it because we’re always trying to find ways to make it work for us.

My dad said that when God binds a relationship it is beyond human understanding. He went on to say that every relationship made by God is controversial to humans hence us trying to find a way around it. God makes you sync with that particular person, not another human. God is responsible for bringing you two people together. God is responsible for the love you feel for each other. He then binds you with that love and when God is present in your relationship you know He fights for you.

Firm relationships have a resistance. Family and friends cannot break that connection because it is bound by God. Half the time, your family and friends won’t like the person you choose to marry but you find yourself fighting for him/her because you know that you don’t want to/can’t be with someone else. We just need to stop running around looking for temporary pleasures and pacifiers and choose to stay put where God has placed us. Love is not a formula or mathematics. It’s simple and complete.

]]>http://lily.co.ke/2014/04/08/the-concept-of-love/feed/0wedding-kisshttp://lily.co.ke/2014/04/08/the-concept-of-love/Getting hit on in matatushttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thelilyreview/~3/nELP0rXvyhc/
http://lily.co.ke/2014/04/02/getting-hit-on-in-matatus/#commentsWed, 02 Apr 2014 07:00:28 +0000http://lily.co.ke/?p=3740I am typing away at the computer. This is my favourite part of the job. Not the data entry, that makes me feel like the Epson machine next to me. I laugh at that very techie joke in my standards and think about Wendy back in high school, the girl’s idea of studying was making a replica of her notes in a different exercise book. Oh well, we can’t all be interesting. I draft, edit and save all documents and would you look at the time…4.00 pm. This is starting to get old, I think... Continue reading →

]]>I am typing away at the computer. This is my favourite part of the job. Not the data entry, that makes me feel like the Epson machine next to me. I laugh at that very techie joke in my standards and think about Wendy back in high school, the girl’s idea of studying was making a replica of her notes in a different exercise book. Oh well, we can’t all be interesting. I draft, edit and save all documents and would you look at the time…4.00 pm.

This is starting to get old, I think to myself. I need some excitement in my life. Like why do we have to queue for a bus? Why don’t we just crowd the place like it’s a mini-crusade and scramble to get in the tiny door all one hundred and fiftyof us like we did in my old neighbourhood. Then have our phones and wallets so craftily taken from us for safe keeping, those of us dumb enough to put them in our back pockets. Aaah fun times those were.

My train of thought is rudely interrupted by a flush of hot air just below my neck. Not a good day to wear a low cut dress it seems. It is never a good day to wear something you paid with your food money. I turn and my eyes meet stark-red weed eyes. A rugged façade, with one of those Rick Ross-type beards. I want to scream at him but I am interrupted by a very important announcement, “bus is here!”

Saved by the bell

Or not. Mr. breathe down my neck sits right next to me. I wouldn’t place his face anywhere but the eyes and facial hair, not hard to forget, even with my very poor short term memory. As is my ritual, I pull out my John Saul novel. “Nathaniel”. And in that moment my thoughts of stabbing Mr. weed with my nail file if I can find it in my loaded bag, disappear and I enter the world of re-incarnation.

It’s funny, I can read tons of books in a month but manage two chapters of mine in months. Writer’s block is a bitch.

“So you like to read?” just when I was starting to have fun.

“Yes, I do.” I hold my book higher so it covers my face and start to move my lips as I read. Not that he’d see but just incase he is weird enough to peep through the gap between the book and my head, I was going with this plan: look like I am from a non-English speaking country, and this is my assignment.

“How many books a week?”

No hablo ingles weirdo

“One or two,”

And with that I decide this breed of hairy-face-guy lacks the very rare ability to read between the lines.

“Wow! I can’t even get through one a month.”

Doesn’t surprise me.

“So what’s this one about?”

A child who didn’t know when to pry and ended up stabbed with a pitch fork out of nowhere.

“Ghosts.”

I would want to burden the child with complicated issues such as reincarnation. Especially because I was hoping in the next life I am reincarnated a million miles from his kind.

Traffic is an attention seeking woman. A nag. She wants to get noticed at the expense of your nerves and people like hairy-face-guy lives. I have tried to ignore her, by reading during this period she feels she has to impose her “feelings” on the poor Nairobi residents, trying to get home to a loud neighbourhood with bards and wines and spirits every three steps. However, she has decided to gang up with karma who clearly has been plotting out my punishment for God knows what I did.

“You like ghost stories?”

Holy mother!

“You can say that.”

“Pesa madam.” Luckily for this guy, I had clutched tightly in my palm coins amounting to exactly the bus fare. A breath of fresh air for a lot of us.

“Wow, you must be brave to like ghosts,”

Can anyone get more boring?

“I am actually.” Brave enough to throw you out this window if you say anything else.

“Let me get back to my reading.”

“Oh, okay. Am I disturbing you?”

I am now convinced that stupid people do exist.

“I like reading in the quiet,”

“Alright, nice to meet you. I am…..”

Before he could finish, I am head-set on and book so close to my face I can barely read. Tough times, tough calls.

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]]>http://lily.co.ke/2014/04/02/getting-hit-on-in-matatus/feed/0reading-booklistening-to-musichttp://lily.co.ke/2014/04/02/getting-hit-on-in-matatus/Pancakes and Kimahttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thelilyreview/~3/fKbkE50J9iA/
http://lily.co.ke/2014/03/19/pancakes-and-kima/#commentsWed, 19 Mar 2014 08:00:17 +0000http://lily.co.ke/?p=3716Flour is a tricky ingredient because it needs precise measure. That is why I do less baking or any food that flour is the main ingredient! But when the tummy calls, I have to answer. Pancakes Ingredients 4 cups of Flour. 8 cups of warm water. 1 teaspoon of salt. 3 eggs. 1/4 cup of sugar. 1 tablespoon of Cumin seeds 1/4 cup of Cooking oil. 1/2 teaspoon baking powder Procedure In a clean bowl, add the flour, baking powder, eggs , sugar, salt and stir.. Gradually add water into the mix to the thickness you... Continue reading →

]]>Flour is a tricky ingredient because it needs precise measure. That is why I do less baking or any food that flour is the main ingredient! But when the tummy calls, I have to answer.

Pancakes

Ingredients

4 cups of Flour.

8 cups of warm water.

1 teaspoon of salt.

3 eggs.

1/4 cup of sugar.

1 tablespoon of Cumin seeds

1/4 cup of Cooking oil.

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

Procedure

In a clean bowl, add the flour, baking powder, eggs , sugar, salt and stir.. Gradually add water into the mix to the thickness you prefer. I prefer i light pancake paste. Add the cumin seeds and cooking oil and stir. Cover with a moist cloth and let it set for 1 hr.

On high heat, place a pan and let it heat up.. add a scoop of the pancake paste on the pan and spread evenly on the pan with a circular motion.

Add cooking oil with a table spoon round the pancake, flip and let the other side cook.. You can add oil if you prefer but i am trying to eat healthy, so less oil for me. Remove when both sides are light brown.

Repeat the process.

Kima/Mince Meat

Ingredients

1/2 kg Mince Meat (Kima)

3 medium sized onions (finely chopped)

4 large tomatoes (grated)

1 large egg plant (chopped)

1 tbsp tomato paste

1 tbsp grated garlic

1 tbsp grated ginger

3 tbsp Ghee

1 tsp cumin, coriander, curry powder

1 chilli beef cube

A handful of parsley (chopped)

A handful of chopped bell peppers

Salt to taste.

Procedure

In a hot pan, add ghee let it heat. Add the onions stir and let it lightly brown.

Add the tomatoes and stir. Add a small amount of warm water and the egg plants and cover.

Add crumbled chilli beef cubes and the other spices and stir.

The trick for making then kima not ball up when you add it into the mixture, is to soak it in water.

Add the kima into the mixture, stir and cover. Add warm water and the tomato paste and stir.

Add the parsley and green bell peppers.

Serve while Hot.

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http://lily.co.ke/2014/03/17/personal-decisions/#commentsMon, 17 Mar 2014 08:00:08 +0000http://lily.co.ke/?p=3724Lately I have started applying makeup and dressing better. Most of my friends and people I know keep asking which guy is in my life that has made me change so much. My dad even asked me whether I was getting peer pressure from my friends with the whole makeover. It’s really disappointing when people attribute my change to a guy in the picture. Well, there is no guy and there is no peer pressure. I made the decision for a makeover all by myself. For years I had always dressed as a tomboy. Then... Continue reading →

]]>Lately I have started applying makeup and dressing better. Most of my friends and people I know keep asking which guy is in my life that has made me change so much. My dad even asked me whether I was getting peer pressure from my friends with the whole makeover. It’s really disappointing when people attribute my change to a guy in the picture. Well, there is no guy and there is no peer pressure. I made the decision for a makeover all by myself.

For years I had always dressed as a tomboy. Then I switched to modest and drab that wouldn’t pull attention to me. I had always been against make up and anything fashionable because I always thought it was going to change the way people viewed me. I never applied make up and I dressed conservatively because I wanted people to meet the real me and like me who I was upfront.

Beginning of this year I needed a major change. The drab clothes weren’t working for me. I wanted to start taking better care of myself. I am already beautiful but it doesn’t hurt accentuating your best features. I started buy new things that look good on me and fit. I wanted to look mature and someone who already knows what I want from life. I’m not doing this for anyone, just me. Funny thing, I discovered applying some mascara and loose powder and, dressing nicely and appropriately doesn’t change who I am. I am still the same me, only now I’m an upgrade in terms of style. I didn’t lose who I am.

This experience has made me embrace change whereas before I was too afraid of change. I’m trying out new things, seeing if they work for me. Change is good. It makes us realise that we are stronger, confident and more capable than we thought. Change is a choice and most often than not, you never regret it. You change because you notice you lack something in your life and you fix it.

Changing for someone doesn’t always work because, you are taking a part of who you are and compressing it into a tiny box. If someone does not like you for who you are then it’s their loss. I have come to really believe that we have one life to live, we might as well be happy and enjoy it otherwise what’s the point of God creating us.

]]>http://lily.co.ke/2014/03/17/personal-decisions/feed/0makeuphttp://lily.co.ke/2014/03/17/personal-decisions/10 fashion trends rocking Nairobihttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thelilyreview/~3/ahp-hRmKevM/
http://lily.co.ke/2014/03/12/10-fashion-trends-rocking-nairobi/#commentsWed, 12 Mar 2014 08:00:48 +0000http://lily.co.ke/?p=3708 1. Ankara/Kitenge This is the African fabric that is very popular in West Africa and for the longest time has been associated with older women. The kitenge has evolved to become a fashion titan to be reckoned with. You can spot young women in the streets of Nairobi rocking it in different creative design from skirts, jumpsuits and dresses to blazers and accessories like earrings and bangles. Don’t be afraid to experiment and play with these African prints. If in doubt of how awesome this trend is, look to high profile fashionistas like Beyoncé and Solange... Continue reading →

1. Ankara/Kitenge
This is the African fabric that is very popular in West Africa and for the longest time has been associated with older women. The kitenge has evolved to become a fashion titan to be reckoned with. You can spot young women in the streets of Nairobi rocking it in different creative design from skirts, jumpsuits and dresses to blazers and accessories like earrings and bangles. Don’t be afraid to experiment and play with these African prints. If in doubt of how awesome this trend is, look to high profile fashionistas like Beyoncé and Solange Knowles, Gwen Stefani and Kim Kardashian who’ve been spotted wearing it.

2. The Peplum
Isn’t this the most beautiful trend ever? The trend hit in early 2012 and has been becoming bigger and better since and the fashionistas in Nairobi have embraced it with open arms. Whether for official or a casual look, you can get a peplum top or dress for any occasion in whichever fabric and design you fancy. This trend isn’t slowing down as evidenced by the fashion runways around the world so don’t be afraid to add to your peplum collection, it is still in vogue.

3. The Red Lipstick
Oh yes, the world has gone scarlet! I first noticed this trend on the popular vampire series True Blood and fell in love. Maybe its cos vamps have very pale skin (cos they are ‘dead’) that made the lipstick pop to my attention or its cos I had seen it in many a lip on Hollywood babes. Not one to shy from bold trends, Nairobi babes were soon ablaze with it. All you need to do is visit one of the many beauty shops in town and get a shade that looks good with your skin tone and you are good to go. With the many shades of red from different cosmetic lines like mauve, plum, matte red, haute red, Ruby Woo, Hollywood red etc. everyone will be spoiled for choice!! Oh, just wear one that suits the occasion and mood.

4. Printed Pants
This one has hit the streets of Nairobi with a bang and a big one at that, if you don’t believe me, look around and get in line. Ladies are rocking them in different designs from flowered prints to geometric prints take your pick. This trend is versatile too as it comes in leggings, jeans, stretch cotton, skinny pants, wide leg etc. that can be worn with practically any top.

5. Colour Blocking.
This is one trend that has refused to go away much to my delight! It’s basically wearing two or more bold colours initially thought as clashing worn together either on a dress or a skirt and top. Despite my reservations when it hit I came to see it as a kind of saviour I mean who knew blue could go with red or green with yellow? This has turned out as a fun way to play with colour. Like the red lippy, this is another trend that requires one to step out of their comfort zone and make a fashion statement.

6. High Low
If you do not have one high low item either in a skirt, top or dress in your wardrobe then there is still no for you. With the front side of the outfit being shorter and the backside longer, this is a fun way of being edgy in a subtle and sophisticated way. Pair a high low chiffon dress or skirt with flat sandals for that chilled out weekend look or wear with fancy heel for a sassier look. The high low top can be worn with skinny pants or printed pants

7. The Denim Shirt and Jacket
For the longest time denim has been the mother of all casual wear and I was glad when denim shirts hit the fashion world. Wear a denim shirt or jacket with practically anything dresses, denim pants, skirts name it, this is one look that chicks in town are experimenting with and it’s a delight to witness. Did I mention they are very comfortable to wear?

8. Hair Bun

Ashanti

This is basically achieved by piling your hair at the top of your head to form a round big bun. With our measly African hair, it’s close to impossible to achieve this so to add volume, try a big hair band or a scarf. There are also ready-made buns which you can buy. Try this hair style on braided hair to create a perfect round bun.

9. Chiffon
This fabric was common back in the 90s when I was growing up and as with almost everything fashion evolution, it is back and it’s bigger and better. Chiffon tops and dresses are trending in the streets of Nairobi and can be found in many a shopping outlet in the city. Try high low tops and dresses or dresses with chiffon tops and a cotton skirt don’t be afraid to mix it up; there is a wide variety of designs to choose from.

10. Brogues
To say that I hated these shoes when I first saw Spencer from Pretty Little Liars practically sleeping in them is an understatement, I loathed them. I consider myself tom boy-ish but I drew the line when it came to brogues I just found them too ugly and manly. Years down the line, I am Spencer I don’t wanna take them off and I am kinda miffed I fell for them. I feel better though cos half of Nairobi is with me in this fetish. This is one fashion trend I would love to hate for sure.