What Trans People Are Really Saying Online

jealousy

We’ve seen before in this blog that it’s not uncommon for transgender people, especially those wanting to transition to female, to be jealous and angry at women, for having what they desperately want. Sometimes, it gets ugly.

A commenter reassuringly says that at least vaginas can be avoided, while on the other hand “I get triggered every time I need the lady’s room”.

These people admit to hating women, being lustful but at the same time envious and rage-filled. They report wanting to have “angry sex” with someone and even to violating their siblings. These are people who have an obsessive, unhealthy fixation with women and women’s bodies.

This poster is jealous of their female friend. What should they do? Luckily, r/asktransgender has advice:

“You might feel urges to be mean or harm this girl. You might feel urges to avoid her. You might feel urges to take things away from her. You are NOT “bad” for feeling this way!!!”

“I just get so jealous that they got AFAB [“assigned female at birth] and have never thought twice about it”. Those lucky women, they never have to think twice about being women. Except when worrying about male violence, rape, being denied access to abortion, when making less money than men for doing the same job….

In a previous post we saw how common it is to feel jealousy, resentment, even anger, towards women, among men who either wish to transition or are actively transitioning. There are so many examples of this that it merits a follow-up post.

The poster goes into more detail in the comments: “it started as a fetish and progressed into wanting to live full time as a woman”.

There is more, a lot more examples all over this community. The mixing together of jealousy, resentment, anger, and sexual attraction, often with a dose of thinking that being a woman is easier than being a man. Many of these people are not in a healthy emotional place, and their views of what it is like being a woman are seriously misguided.

In previous posts in this blog we have seen how gender stereotypes play a big role in the narrative of many transitioners. Liking stereotypically feminine things or wanting long hair is seen as significant markers of internal “gender” rather than aspects of personality. There are other types of narratives that lead to someone deciding they are trans. One we will call the sexual narrative, the other one we will call the jealousy narrative. The sexual narrative will be described in more detail in later posts.

Being jealous of women and girls is something that comes up often in the narratives of transitioners. Sometimes the jealousy focuses on physical aspects of being female, such as breasts, genitals or being “allowed” to act and dress in specific ways.

Another common cause of jealousy is that women are perceived to have it “better” or “easier”. This attitude, which is prevalent among people who call themselves “men’s rights activists”, is also not uncommon among transgender people online.

Male privilege is nothing, when you’re a girl people open doors for you!

Males are the ones who are oppressed, females have tons of advantages!

There are many people spending a lot of time in online trans communities who do not have an emotionally healthy or mature perspective on what it means to be female. Regardless of whether one agrees with a lot of the transgender politics, most people would agree that someone who is unable to leave the house because seeing women makes them too angry are not in a healthy place, whether they decide to transition or not.

Notice how at no point in the responses to this post does anyone question whether this might be a sign that this person is actually just a confused or envious male. Nope–don’t question the part that says you need hormones and surgery. Instead, the replies chide the stereotypical view of femininity, but never question whether this person’s desire to transition is motivated by this view or worsened by it.