February 17, 2010

This Is Why You’re Fat: Drinks Edition

As many of you are probably aware, there is an incredible blog, called “This Is Why You’re Fat” (thisiswhyyourefat.com), where people post pictures and descriptions of disgustingly, almost unthinkably unhealthy food and drink. (See: the “Chewbaca Bar: Thick sliced bacon candied with maple syrup, balsamic vinegar and brown sugar, dipped in chocolate and layered with homemade marshmallows and then dusted on one side with cocoa powder” or “The Morning Glory: Sausage, egg and cheese sandwiched inside a glazed cinnamon roll.”)

Recently, the most ridiculous recipes were compiled and made into a book, from which I pulled my favorite (I use the term loosely) drink recipes to share with you. Please note that, as opposed to most of my other columns, I did not include the words “drink!” or “enjoy!” after any of these recipes. I actually like having a readership and do not want to have half of you keel over next week from heart attacks. These recipes are purely for entertainment purposes: for us to marvel at the fact that people come up with these recipes and be shocked and disgusted that some people actually consume them. I wouldn’t encourage it, but if you do choose to try these drinks, you may want to take some pictures to remember them and have a defibrillator nearby, as well. I take no responsibility whatsoever for the calorie or fat content of these drinks, or for your resulting hospital bills. Good luck and Godspeed.

The McNuggetini

1 McDonald’s chocolate milkshake

3-4 shots of vanilla vodka

2 packets McDonald’s BBQ Sauce

4 chicken McNuggets

Mix together the chocolate milkshake and the vanilla vodka. Rim the martini glass with BBQ Sauce (or honey mustard, or sweet and sour … go nuts!). Pour in the milkshake mixture, and garnish with a McNugget.

Cadbury Egg Nog

10 Cadbury Crème Eggs

3/4 cup sugar

3 cups whole milk

1 cup bourbon whiskey

1/3 cup brandy

1 tsp ground cinnamon

1 cup heavy cream (whipped)

Scoop the filling out of the Cadbury eggs (feel free to consume the chocolate shell, in keeping with the theme), and mix it with the sugar, milk, booze and nutmeg. Whip the heavy cream, and fold it into the horrifyingly fattening Cadbury mixture. Pour into a glass.

Slim Jim Shooter

Beef au jus powder

Cracked pepper

Vodka

Garnish with a Slim Jim segment.

I did not include proportions, because I refused to actually experiment with this drink. If you’re dedicated enough to slim jims and try this … be my guest. Feel free to add some Tabasco to kick it up a notch.

Deep Fried Rum and Coke

2 cup flour

1 tsp baking powder

2 eggs

1 cup coke

1/ cup rum

Whipped cream

Cherries

Pour 1/3 cup batter in a funnel, dropper or turkey baster, and pour in hot skillet filled with oil. Fry one minute on each side. Serve warm with whipped cream and cherries. *Note* Do NOT drink any booze before dealing with alcohol and hot oil with flames. Proceed with caution.

Alright, there you have it! So you thought you had a handle on mixology. Now, go drink something else.

Related

I find that the people who live in the countries bordering the Mediterranean created a lot of my favorite foods. Most of these, including hummus, pita and yogurt, are super-easy to make and incredibly delicious.