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This year has been a very trying year spiritually, emotionally, and physically. There have been many lessons that the Lord has desired for me to learn. Some of them I picked up on quickly and some of them took me on a journey that I thought would end my life.
It was 2 years ago that I suffered from kidney stones that required two surgeries. Yes, two surgeries!

It was a year ago this month that I suffered a major break of my left ankle that required 2 surgeries, 2 pins, 2 plates, 8 screws and about 18 inches of cable to hold it together. It took me all summer to be able to sustain weight on it for any length of time. At times the pain was so unbearable all I could do was take pain meds and sleep. I would go to sleep praying that all that was happening was a dream but would awake to the same pain. It was more that just the pain in my ankle it was the pain in my spirit.

During all this, probably one of the greatest life changing events was occuring in my life. People that I thought had my best interest at heart, I found them stabbing me in my heart not even from the back but while looking at me dead in my face telling me they loved me. I learned that deceit, ambition, and position meant more to people than the love they addimately professed that they had for me. The people that told me that they loved me and wanted the best for me and my family, I couldn't find. Some folks that I looked up to as a mentors, I found had very little if any substance at all. " Ye that lives without sin, cast the first stone!"
I wasn't looking for anyone to baby me. I wasn't looking for anyone to tell me that it would be alright. I thought I had some folk around me that could help me, I had fallen HARD and FAR and I needed help to get back up.

My emotions began to kick in and I was like,"to hell" with all of them. Who needs enemies when you have people in your life like this.
Never, in my life have I felt victimized because whatever wrong I have been apart of, I have owned up to it! Not once trying to hide anything, from anyone! Never, have I tried to sweep it under the rug, and never have I wanted it to just go away without it being addressed. Nothing compares to the hurt and disgust of finding out that some Christian folks around you have been giving you lip service over the last 5 years. That has been rough to take!

Spiritually, living in the wilderness for years at a time was a place that I thought that I would never be at again.
Disobedience, immoral living, pride, and arrogance disconnected me from living in my Father's will. I began seeking what I wanted and didn't really care about the consequences. The disconnect was crucial!Real Talk! Talk about not hearing from God, I couldn't even feel HIS presence. It was a lonely place.

It wasn't until after many sleepless months, when I was completely broken did I feel HIS hands begin to put some shape back into my life. Like the potter uses water to restore drying clay,the tears HE allowed me to shed, began to restore my soul. HE began to pick up the broken pieces of my life and recycle them. HE crushed all of the old peices of my life up into a fine powder and began to slowly add water to it. While HE was adding the water HE mixed and turned the dust of my life over into the water. Over and over and over and over.... Making me into a piece of workable clay.
HE is in the process of restoring me ! HE is in the process of Healing me! HE is in the process of Remaking me into what HE has always desired for me to be.