Last visited

Forums

Everything posted by kyle barnett

I would love leo to look into this subject as it is a deep contraversial topic.
But it has many aspects. Such as health, Ethics, Our views upon animals and sentiency, Discrimination, Animal agriculture and influence on the planet., And others.

I have been meditating for four years now. But I feel like I am not improving as much as I want to be. I usually meditate 30 or 20 minutes. It has been so long and still I even find 30 minutes challenging. What is going on? Am I just not committing hard enough? At some points I increase my meditation up higher to like 50 minutes, but then I have lazy days, with very foggy mind, and it just becomes way too difficult and I get too restless. I understand that as part of my practise I have to learn to accept even those states, but I don't feel I am growing at all. Other distractions come into my life and pull me back down. So I end up not improving but barely just maintaining my practise. I see people wh have very sharp minds like my maths teacher. He used to take part in zazen. He mediates 2 hours a day. I jusr dream of getting to the point where I can sit for long periods of time and be happy. Not attached to distractions. I mean I don't have to be some kind of monk. Bu t at least I want to be on the path of mastery with my non dual practise. It is what I value the most as a self help apprentice. I just can't seem to get more conscious or more content or lose more of my ego or whatever. I can't improve. Does anybody have any advice, or is anyone else struggling? Do I just need to surrender all my other distraction attachments? Work harder?
I know time is not as important as quality of mediation, but at the same time. I feel being able to be okay sitting and not doing anything is very important. Because I am losing the need to have entertainment and all that shit. I want to be fulfilled and happy without it. But I just keep getting sucked back down

Not a joke but me and my friend used to have this interpretation of how a monk would act.
Some guy walks up to an Enlightened monk and punches him in the face. The monk just says "oh it is just sensations in the body'and smiles. The guy starts punching the shit out of him. The monk is just letting him punch him, saying "oh it doesnt matter, it is just feelings inside the body". Then the guy grabs a baseball bat and starts wacking him, Then the monk just sits there smiling and letting him beat the crap out of him.
Lol we had very silly assumptions about enlightened people

Uh... dude, all this is anxiety. Far too much judgement. For the social phobia, you wouldn't have any of this shit if you weren't anxious. Why does your body do this? Because you trained it too. How do you stop it? Experience. You can not stop your fear of people simply by trying to think differently. What is really going on is a strong sense of resistance. For example, when in social situations, how do you feel? Your body shakes, you get nervous, you get anxious. Well let me tell you, you don't have a choice but to allow yourself to feel all of that. You see, you are trying to get us to help you stop feeling a certain way. But that itself is an attachment. You really aren't scared of people. You are scared of your emotions. This creates a vicious cycle. I've been there. Social anxiety comes from resistance to social situations, mainly negative scenarios. Because your too scared to let go and embrace your authenticity. Don't believe me? Ask yourself, why you feel this way. What you are really doing is holding on way too much to your self image. For example, what will you feel when someone does something against your ego? What happens when you don't act the way, you want to infront of people. What happens when you get rejected. What happens when people don't like you. What happens when nobody wants you? Most people in this situation assume that I need to fix who I am so this does not happen. I need to be confident so none of this happens. NO !! YOu hold on to far too much expectations. And in a school or closed environment where you are surrounded by the same people constantly, it is hard because if you fuck up, you lose your dignity. But ahh... thats what you are holding on to far too much. Surrender.
You see, with your current state, you probably will screw over. You probably need therapy. But you need to accept and embrace it. Why are you not okay in situations, but other people are? It is not because they logically know how to act. It is because they are constantly around people and used to it so that their minds know how to act and respond accordingly socially. Nobody who is socially isolated is going to suddenly go infront of people and be a master. It is experience that matters. Same with woman, same with anything.
Is this a mental disorder? maybe. Does it matter? no. If your body isn't doing what you want it to, it is trying to tell you something. Emotions are like signals. So if you are feeling a lot of this. You either need to let go of expectation and just stop thinking. Just act. It doesn't matter whether you screw up or not. Stop trying to run away from it. It is a good pain. On the other hand, you may have to get medication, change your diet, your negative habits, and be more healthy. But for now you need to adress your fears of social situations.
This goes for everything else you said. You are worrying too much. Which means you need to start becoming less attached to outcomes. Stop trying to prevent things from happening. Take right action. But don't cling to outcomes. Stop looking for results, start becoming okay with what is. Let life be life is the best advice I can give you. Stop trying to worry about making things the way you want them to be. You can still put right effort into things without worrying about them.
Do you mediate, do you apply mindfulness? If not, do that. If so however, you can still be prone to this. Because I been there. But your forgetting to use the practise so you can realise, that no matter how life wants to be, you adapt and accept and love it. Don't try to force life to be the way you want it to be. Of course still work for what you want. But ultimately, you need to practise so you can be okay no matter what happens.
Remember, it is normal to feel like this socially if you haven't socialised. JUsrt slowly work your way up. Don't hold on to your ego. Don't hold on to making impressions. Dont hold on to anything. Just surrender.
Learn to become more authentic. That means you accept your fuckups and flaws. You can still work to fix them. But while they are still with you, you embrace. That means, when you get too nervous you own it. You say to people "hey sorry this is just how i am feeling" you are not afraid to own your flaws.
Also I know you may have social desires, such as wanting friends, love, or maybe to attract the opposite sex. But again, put the work in, but stop worrying about that results.
OUr bodies do stupid things that ruin our results, but we must accept it along with our flaws. For example, I went thought hell because I have an unknown disorder where my body collapses. This made me exremely anxious. It ruined my life. I would talk to girls and collapse infornt of them, it was terrible. But now I own it. When I collapse, or whatever, I just let people know. The truth to being authentic, is to let people know about your problems, so they can understand you

I am struggling to find girls, I want girls !! haha I am sick of been surrounded by guys all the time. Facebook everybody just ignores you, or never even gives you a chance. Online dating is appalling just leave it at that. So where do i go? I am 18 years old, unemployed, no license

If you are getting rejected, it's most likely not you (That is of course if you are failing the dating principals). But it isn't that bad. Girls aren't actually that overly fussy. It's just the times you approach them.. For example facebook messaging will almost always inevitably get you rejections not matter who you are simply because girls do not like to meet guys that way. Especially if they have real life connections. Or at the gym they are busy and they just assume some dickhead (You) Is just trying to chat them up. Not that that is bad but girls aren't always in the mood for that.

I want to know why most people pursue non duality from this lifestyle compared to normal people who still learn and practise non duality without living in a buddhist temple or far away in some japanese mountains. Religous belief aside, there must be extra benefits of living the ruthless lifestyle of being in a monastery. Why do monks mediate all day and only sleep a few hours, with extreme labour, and lack of communication. Not to mention full isolation from the world.
I want leos thoughts on this. Is this a more efficient but harder approach, or is it just a different way?

It is up to you really, we can't tell you whether or not to keep the relationship, you have to decide what you want in life, and if she supports you that's great, but if not then, you'l have to lose ties with her

Dude, you can't forget, she is a girl ! Most of the things you mentioned a totally normal girl things. She seems fine by me. You just need to realise she is an emotional creature. That means when she has episodes she wants a guy to listen to her and love her, not give advice. Idk if you already knew that or not. Dont show her actualized.org videos man trust me. AH leo talks alot about this
p.s if you want to help her. Be the guy she wants to comfort her. Do not tell her how to live, let her be herself, and just hug her whenever shes angry you know stuff like that.
However if she isnt helping you grow or she is holding you back, you need to probably leave her. Do not let anybody get in the way

Hi guys, I have always been obsessing over whether or not to quit certain activities, replacing them, and how to become independant of useless idle activities that don't serve us. After contemplation I have ended up dropping daily habit cycles I get into such as video games, memes, newsfeed, porn, pointless messeging etc. And have implemented coming out into nature, doing nothing, reading, swapped anime out for studying history and odcumentaries aswell as more self help content. But my energy gets drained. I am like everyone else in society, where everybody needs some sort of plugin to re-energize. It feels amazing don't get me wrong, BUt I was wondering for people who are self help junkies and have their shit sorted, what are your daily activities like? Do you need plugins from time to time, is there a way to fully wene off them?

Yeah, I have been alot and it is working, I spent 6 days roughly without any of these distractions, just questioning the point in them. Yesterday I felt like my mind was withdrawing, perhaps that will pass

Hey leo, how is your daily habit life now? Do you have any uselss distractions? Anyway of plugging in at all? Or are you able to enjoy just sitting? How do you recharge your batteries after a long day?

Depends on your life. If I mediate for an hour or a half 6 hours if fine for me. Aslong as it is good sleep and you go to bed on a schedule.
If you want less sleep there are cerain sleeps methods you can use such as on koi frescos why do we need sleep video. He tells you some cool sleep patterns to lessen your sleep if you wish

This is pretty unfortunate. It sounds like your parents lives are a living hell and your just getting sucked into it cause your her mother. I feel deeply sorry about the breast cancer and the trouble you's all had to go through from it, but I feel now you should just let her go and move on. Or at least set that as a vision. Seeming you want to be away from toxic people. Same here. It may seem selfish I know but she has no right to restrict you from living your own life. If you want to leave and live without her, do not feel ashamed about it at all. Also it seems like your mum is half decent time to time so you end up forgiving her and it goes into this spiral. Just leave her. You don't have to say fuck you and never speak to her again. But cut her out to the point where you don't get sucked in to her shit. Honestly bro, I have friends like this and it is terrible. You are missing out on so much happiness in life, life is amazing and these people prevent you from seeing this? Is that harsh. Yeah. But it doesn't sound like they are improving. Even if they are I feel there lives are so stuck don already it'l be a lot of effort to work up so I feel moving on is the best.
Long story short, you never have to give away your happiness to anybody ! Even if it seems selfish.