Survival of the "Dancing" Fittest

Unfortunately, ABC.com did not post Melissa rehearsal photos. Fortunately, they did post this photo of studly Tony.

Week eight of "Dancing with the Stars" presented a well-hid injury and the first team dance (Team Mambo vs. Team Tango) of the season. Seeing Tony Dovolani walk down the stairs during the opening, sans Melissa Rycroft, I had a sinking feeling. Hearing nothing about an injury to Melissa that would force her out of the competition, I was surprised when host Tom Bergeron stated that she was indeed injured (which would be touched upon later in the show of course). So how did the remaining five "Stars," along with rehearsal-footage Melissa, perform both as a pairs team and group performance? Here's a rundown, dancer by dancer, in order of appearance (with judge's score in parenthesis):

Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke (27): Wearing one of the most atrociously awesome costume combinations of the season (basically what clown throwup probably looks like, topped off with a "Johnny Suede" pompadour), the couple performed a so-so Lindy Hop (which the judges loved). To me, Gilles spent too much time simply running around, but the dancing that he did do was pretty impressive. Taking off his shirt (of course) during rehearsals to get a cortisone shot for his ailing shoulder will certainly help get some votes, but it seems that after starting off strong, Gilles has peaked over the past few weeks. With Melissa (possibly) out of the way, Gilles should still place in the top three.

Laugh it up while you still can Gilles. I once rocked the same 'do.

Lil' Kim & Derek Hough (28): I'm not sure if Lil'Kim has had so much plastic surgery that it is impossible for her to breathe out of her nose, but she is definitely a mouth-breather. Unlike Gilles, Kim is peaking at the right time, really pulling out all of the stops in her paso doble. Having Derek always helps because of his strong choreography, but Kim has quickly turned from "why is that convicted felon on my show" to "that reformed felon is my grandma's favorite!" Getting a "10" from Bruno, who is usually all over Kim anyway, was less impressive than the first-ever "9" from Len. Unless she really falls apart over the next two weeks, Kim has gone from dark horse possibly to definite top-three.

In jail, they always played "Mercy" for that last butterscotch pudding.

Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough (26): Still looking too girly as a dancer, I think now is the time for Chuck exit stage-right. Dancing the cha-cha, the couple did what they always do: try to replace actual ballroom sizzle with talk about how sizzling they really are as a couple. I think Chuck will (hopefully) reside in the bottom two in tonight's Results Show. And for his sleeveless-shirt look, Chuck shares the Worst Dressed award with Ty, who obviously shopped with the country crooner at "Sleeveless Shirts 'R Us" this week.

One person is this photo is fierce... the other, not so.

Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas (27): Shawn might be another "Star" who has already peaked. While able to perform the actual moves of her dances, and she looks great doing so, once she is out of hold and dancing solo she looks a little wooden. With Carrie Ann giving Shawn a "10" I believe that Len got it correct when he said "the dress is doing most of the work [and] good isn't good enough."

"I call this move the teeter-totter."

Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower (24): After a passing glance at Ty's guns last week, the full spectrum of Ty's buffness was revealed this week in his Worst Dressed sleeveless shirt. The dude is huge, there is no doubt about that and Ty even got the requisite spray tan, going from as-white-as-me to a few shades lighter than still-orange Shawn (and yes, everyone looks better with a tan). Dancing the salsa, the most difficult Latin dance for people who can't move their hips, Ty did a commendable job (at the beginning of the routine). Maybe illustrating the reason that bull-riding lasts "8 Seconds" (my second movie reference in this entry), Ty quickly faded by the end of the routine. I went from "that dude can move" to "yep, salsa is tiring, especially when the song lasts more than a minute and a half." The judges were spilt on Ty, with Carrie Ann giving him a "9," Bruno an "8" and Len a "7" (after Len told him that it might be time for Ty to "hit the trail").

"For the last time Bergeron, stop staring at my wife!"

Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani (21): After everyone danced, the reason for Melissa's non-appearance was finally doled out: a hairline fracture to a rib that Melissa suffered last week. The obviously upset Tony (who most likely viewed their rehearsal footage that would be judged) stated that Melissa "received treatment for her ribs, and there were complications." So, similar to when Steve-O could not perform earlier in the season, the pairs' rehearsal dance was judged. Looking absolutely fantastic in (nearly falling down) jeans, Melissa obviously was just going through the motions in preparing for the live show. It is unfortunate that she could not go, because from the looks of what the dance could have been, the couple's jive would have gotten the top scores of the night. Unfortunately, judging only on what they saw in the footage, the judges could only muster all "7's."

Just for once having to wear this costume on national television, Melissa should get a pass this week.

Team Mambo (25): With Lacey Schwimmer stepping in for the injured Melissa, Team Mambo (Chuck & Julianne, Shawn & Mark, and Tony) danced to a "Single Ladies" theme. The dance was better than any group dance that I've seen on "Dancing" (with an obvious assist for Best Dressed Lacey, fuchsia and black just works) because the dance was simply fun. By song's end, everyone stripped down to sparkly leotards, a la Beyonce. Watching the judges only give a combined "25" left me scratching my head; it was simply a fun, well-performed dance that deserved a higher score.

Just when I think she's gone, there she is again!

Team Tango (28): Technically better than Team Mambo, Gilles & Cheryl, Ty & Chelsie and Kim & Derek were dancing in perfect unison throughout the routine. While I'll admit that the mambo and tango are two different dances, I simply prefer the "fun aspect" of Team Mambo, though the "28" scored by Team Tango was well-deserved. Following up Len's earlier comment to Ty needing to bring it during the group dance, it was good to see Len heap praise on Ty's work.

Lil' Kim judges the first annual "Shirtless Competition."

As strong as this cycle of "Dancing" has been, this is probably the third straight week that there has not been a transcendent performance. Maybe that will change next week, as the "Stars" will have to learn two dances, but right now, it seems that there is no favorite (which is a change from earlier in the season, when Gilles seemed like a sure winner). Although Melissa "scored" the lowest of the week, with a combined "46," I have to believe that she has built up enough goodwill to make it through one more week (though it will be interesting to see if she can heal quickly enough to learn two routines). So the red light will shine once again on Chuck and Ty, with Chuck hearing the ultimate last call. My six votes this week broke down with three going to Kim for the women's side, two going to Ty for the men's side (he was really good in the group) and one wild card for Melissa, who I know would've scored enough points to make it to next week.