'Sandwich generation' saddled with care of elders and children

Joanne Hough, left, is part of a generation of baby boomers who are taking care of both children and aging parents.

Photograph by: Ashley Fraser
, Canwest News Service

Joanne Hough moved her family to Ottawa from Manitoba 10 years ago to help care for her aging mother, who was experiencing the early stages of Alzheimer's disease. With four kids between the ages of 10 and 20 still living at home, Hough says dividing her caregiving roles wasn't easy, but she has found ways to manage.

Hough, 46, is part of a growing demographic within the baby boomers (people born between 1947 and 1966) referred to as the "sandwich generation." While elderly people are benefiting from rising life expectancies, their children -- often parents themselves -- are "sandwiched" in the middle, caring for two generations. The obligation to act as a caregiver to both parents and children can exact both emotional and financial tolls.

Hough, who works at an office job three days a week, says a strong family support system -- which includes two brothers in B.C. and a sister in Alberta -- has helped to ease the emotional strain she experiences as her mother's main support. The four siblings hold conference calls for major decisions about her living arrangements.

And her mother's financial situation has allowed Hough to move her into a long-term care facility and hire a caregiver to visit her regularly. Knowing her mother's daily basic needs are being met has given Hough peace of mind, especially when she can't visit.

"I don't know how I'd do it without [the service]," says Hough. "I try to plan ahead, but it's comforting to know someone's there taking her for walks."

Not everyone in Hough's situation is so lucky.

According to a recent survey by Investors Group, 69 per cent of Canadians age 43 to 63 years of age have at least one living parent or parent-in-law, and about one-third of this group are providing care for them. Duties were found to range from financial support to everyday activities such as household chores, providing companionship and transportation to appointments. Roughly a third of these caregivers are parents, the survey found, and in many cases their eldercare responsibilities cost a portion of their incomes -- some up to $6,000 per year.

David Foot, a professor of economics at the University of Toronto, says the people most likely to have dual obligations are around the age of 50 -the peak of the baby boomer generation.

"In many cases, their own children still haven't left home and their parents are getting into ill health," says Foot.

To add to the pressure, many are still working full-time jobs, which led a recent Senate of Canada committee to recommend allowing these caregivers to take breaks from work similar to child care leaves.

Obligations of a dual caregiver may seem daunting, but there are ways to manage so the responsibility doesn't become overwhelming, says Terri Benincasa, a personal-transition coach who specializes in boomer issues.

"The part that tends to be the most draining is when you don't have the help you need," she says. "You're running around like a chicken with your head cut off because you haven't used your resources and your family."

For those who have adult children at home, Benincasa suggests identifying ways they can help and setting up a "contract" so there is an understanding of what their responsibilities are.

"Boomers want to take care of their kids, but they have to say 'I know you're going through a hard time right now, but I need your help caring for Grandma,'" says Benincasa.

She suggests looking into support from social services to help with eldercare, and advocates -- if feasible -- putting an increasingly dependent parent into a nursing home.

"It's overwhelming when you're trying to maintain mom and dad in their own home -- you're taking them to appointments, you're making sure they're eating, you're making sure their home is maintained," Benincasa says.

She says delegating duties to friends and family members and finding respite care is important so caregivers can have time for themselves.

"The better you plan and the more proactive you are, you will find you'll get a lot of relief that way," she says.

An important part of planning ahead is making sure certain legal documents are in order, according to Carol Abaya, founder of the website sandwichgeneration.com.

She advises aging parents set up a continuing power of attorney to allow an adult child to make financial decisions on their behalf, as well as a personal-care power of attorney for future medical decisions.

"Without them, elderly people are setting their children up for major problems," says Abaya, pointing out that if an adult child caregiver has no continuing power of attorney, they will be unable to pay their parent's bills.

While there are ways for the sandwich generation to find help, some say there's a long way to go before adequate support systems are in place to ease ever-increasing obligations.

"There needs to be some form of workplace protection, so caregivers don't lose their jobs while looking after a loved one," says Susan Eng, vice-president of advocacy for CARP, an advocacy group for older Canadians.

Eng says there should be medical training for caregivers and more respite-care options.

Despite the stresses that come with caring for two generations, Eng says there is a positive side.

"It's a good model for how our society can work. It builds family cohesion, and it comes from a sense of duty and also out of love," Eng says.

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