You may recall my mention of being skeptical of “popular people” in Shatterpoint, Chapter 5. Obviously, I’m what some refer to as a “square peg,” and today I’d like to dispel some misconceptions about those of us that don’t quite fit in. People get some funny ideas when you swim against the current, such as:We aren’t radical non-conformists. We are aware of how we’re unique and accept how our life is different from others. The truth is that everybody’s life is unique. We just don’t fear what makes us different and in many cases, embrace the very things that people usually fear in themselves. It’s not that we don’t care about others. It’s that we do realize what is and isn’t our business. People are going to think what they want to, so why worry about putting on pretense, masks, and “following the crowd?” The truth is that people have an innate sense for b.s., so you may as well give them something real to live with. They will respect you for being real whether they like what they say or not. It’s not that we don’t like people. It’s that we value relationships more than anything else and protect them. Don’t mistake “loner” for “lonely.” We appreciate that relationships are about understanding and appreciating others for the unique individuals they are and not for what they can do for you. People aren’t objects to us, and we don’t believe in using them as tools. Our foundation is firm enough that we don’t need props, so we can stand on our own while we nurture and protect our relationships privately, which is completely proper, respectful, and appropriate. It’s not that we’re judging you. It is that we’re too busy living our own life to get entangled in the drama and scandals that aren’t our concern. Just because you don’t know what we’re doing doesn’t mean we aren’t doing anything. Loners usually have very full lives, and they work hard to keep them in appropriate balance. We do want to offer help and support where we can, but we simply don’t have time to be pulled into created drama, games, or useless fluff, especially when it’s not our business. We choose to focus on what matters most and leave the rest of it alone. We have fewer opinions than most people realize. It’s not that we’re trying to stand out by being different. It’s that we value independence and freedom. Life is a journey and we want to have the panoramic view, not tunnel vision. Anxiety over “what others might think” is a waste of time and does nothing but suck your joy away – in the end, you limit yourself for nothing. Following the crowd isn’t our thing; following The Spirit is. Joy isn’t found in the noise of expectation but in the quiet stillness of standing alone. It’s not that we’re idealists. It’s that we’re more in touch with reality than you realize. We know that calling an apple an orange doesn’t make it so no matter how much better it makes others feel. Loners don’t have time for deception or defense mechanisms. We accept the world as it is; not as we want it to be. Because of that, we face things head on and learn from them while others continue to fight and struggle against the inevitable. We don’t fear the darkness; we simply move through it. That’s probably why we seem so tough,less bothered by things, and to adapt easier – and why you usually don’t worry about us while you’re falling apart. The truth is that “square pegs” aren’t interested in being pounded into holes. We don’t see the world as a “Perfection” game where everything must be in it’s preconceived place but rather as the blessed, jumbled mess that pops up and throws things into more interesting , unexpected places. Our views may be unique, but they’re no less valid. If we want to avoid the noise and take the road less traveled, well, be thankful we’re out of your way. We aren’t interested in turning over systems or rocking the boat. We simply want to row our own boat wherever we please. Give us grace to be ourselves, and we’ll give you grace to follow whatever crowd, trend, or frenzy you please. Who know? If it looks interesting, we may duck in for a while. But don’t worry. We don’t stay. Something more interesting always comes along from the fringes, and it’s usually stuff that most people don’t notice in the whirlwind of “the next big thing.” That’s all today. Take care, and have a great week. Bye!

How are you supposed to develop a personal relationship with the Lord? People tell you this is the number one thing believers need to do, but they never address the elephant in the room of how you relate to a deity. Human relationships are complex enough with the people right in front of you. They take tremendous effort to establish and maintain, and the closer the relationship, the more work it is. And now you’re supposed to make your highest priority relationship with your Maker? To somebody new to this concept, it sounds like being set up for failure. Heck, as a lifelong Christian, it was a challenge to me in adulthood. It took a while for me to wrap my head around the whole thing, and to find a way that worked for me. People tell you that the key to establishing this relationship is to read The Bible and pray, but they don’t say how this magic is supposed to turn into a relationship. I think it’s because of two things: they oversimplify the concept, and they forget one rather significant aspect to building this relationship that there’s no “how to” instructions on doing. It’s really not rocket science, but it’s not easy either. My hope is to take it step by step to give you guidance on developing your own process on doing what seems to be undoable. Read the Bible This is really the only way to know the Lord, because it’s the only official reference guide that exists. The secret is to find a translation that works for you and to do daily readings. I know there are people that say the King James Version is the only “real” version. That’s hogwash. What good is it if you don’t understand what you’re reading, and what twenty-first century person can really understand that archaic language? I prefer the New Revised Version (NRV). It’s what my church uses, and it’s in plain, modern English, easy to understand. Get a version with footnotes to explain the things that are awkwardly translated, and you have a winner. As for the time investment, about fifteen minutes a day can get you through the entire Bible in a year. I say “about” because that’s the maximum time investment they’re designed to have for daily readings. I have two Bibles with daily reading plans of this nature, and some daily readings are as little as five minutes (especially in the Psalms). There are many Bible reading plans available, but this is the one that works for me. Bibles aren’t hard to find. You can read them online, and even sign up for daily readings to deliver to your email box every day. You can download free apps to your phone. And if you’re one of those “I prefer to hold a book in my hand” types, there are countless versions available, from $5 specials at discount stores to fancy large, leather-bound, monogrammed versions that you order at Christian bookstores. I recently heard on BBN (Bible Broadcasting Network) that The Bible is the most sold and least read book in the world. There’s no excuse for that. With widespread availability, modern translations, and reading plans that can have you through a daily reading while you drink your morning coffee, everybody can find a way to fit it into daily living. It’s not that big of an investment, but it’s one that helps you build the foundation of an eternal relationship. Prayer Certainly you should life up your concerns in prayer, but most people forget that it’s supposed to be a two way communication. How can God speak to you if you’re always talking? Every now and then, you have to quiet yourself and be open to the answers you seek and the insight you need. God speaks to people in different ways – through thoughts and ideas, insights, music, nature, art, reading, things other people say, or even through mysterious circumstances. It really depends on what speaks to you and how He can reach you. I’ll cover more on uncovering your authentic self in the next chapter. Many people talk about meditation, and I do believe there’s merit in taking time to withdraw from everything to be quiet and open to inspiration. It’s imperative to me to have at least a few minutes to myself every day; otherwise I get rather cranky because I haven’t had time to “center” and get myself “set” to deal with life and the world. Meditation doesn’t have to take long periods of time and in fact, I grab mine a piece at a time throughout the day: getting dressed in the morning, driving home from work, doing housework, taking a shower, and even taking a few quiet minutes before going to bed. Even five minutes of silence can work wonders for the soul. It can even be helpful to withdraw from the chaos if you find yourself overwhelmed. One frequent practice I’ve always had is to take short breaks for a walk during the workday. I call this my “purge the brain” time, and it’s ten minutes to walk outside and take in what’s happening in the rest of the world: the sky, the trees, the animals rushing around, the sunshine (or clouds), the feel of the air – just reminders that the world is still out there and turning just fine, despite whatever chaos is happening “in there.” God is referred to as “the still, small voice,” so the only way to hear is to turn off the distractions and open yourself to receiving. It’s like a radio: you can’t hear the music unless you turn it on. Well, this is the converse: to hear from God, you have to turn the world off. Lifting up your requests, cares, and concerns is certainly a wonderful way to connect with God. Just be sure that He has a chance to speak back every now and then. Finding that time could be as easy as putting down the phone or shutting off the television or radio for a few minutes. You’d be amazed at the peace and inspiration you discover from the briefest retreat from the chaos of life.Intuition – It’s Not New Age Mumbo-Jumbo Intuition is often misunderstood as some sixth sense or mystical connection with the world, and for that reason it’s often not respected or used correctly. Some people grant it too much power, relying on it as magic. Others shun it as sorcery because Christians aren’t supposed to deal with that stuff. And neither side realizes it for what it really is: the Holy Spirit working in and through us. The Holy Spirit is probably the most misunderstood of the Holy Trinity, because we just don’t get it. It’s a purely abstract manifestation of the Lord working in us, and for that reason we usually don’t know what to do with it. All we know is that the mind is sacred territory, and we don’t want anything in there controlling us. Our thoughts are the one thing that only we are privy too, and to find out that something else has access to the most private part of ourselves is uncomfortable. There’s really no need for this. If you read The Bible, you know that the purpose of the Holy Spirit is to be a “helper” to us. That means it’s a non-intrusive guide that heightens your senses so you can act with wisdom, discretion, and discernment. Think about people you know that often ignore their intuition – what usually happens to them? They don’t use it, so they lose it. Eventually, it never speaks to them at all, and then they’re groping around, dependent on their own senses to navigate a complicated world. It’s like shutting off the GPS in a strange city. Maybe they’ll stumble upon the best thing; most of the time they don’t. It’s potluck. And that’s a heck of a way to live. If you see intuition as God working in you, then there’s nothing to fear. In fact, it’s a great comfort to know we have a direct line to our Maker that can help us see what’s unseen and guide us on the best path. It’s better than a NOAA Weather Radio – it’s always broadcasting, it always tells you what’s coming up, and when it’s about to get nasty, an alert goes off so you can prepare. Jesus gave us a great gift when He sent the Holy Spirit to help His believers. It’s tremendously valuable once we know and use it correctly. On the surface, it can seem like a one sided endeavor. After all, God made you and knows you better than you know yourself, but we do have a choice and sometimes, we unintentionally shut him out. Building a relationship reduces this risk and keeps us open to His will for us, not only in life but in each and every day. One of my daily prayers is for the Holy Spirit to lead and guide me through the day and whatever may come. Building a personal relationship with the Lord doesn’t make you weird or wacky. In fact, I think it gives you the confidence to be the best you that you can be. It unlocks your personality and allows you the insight to find the best ways to invest yourself, your mind, and your talents in things that will build a better life, both today and in the future. Think of this as building an antenna or constructing a satellite that will give you better reception. The more you try, the more you hear. Certainly it takes time and effort, just like all relationships, but its well worth it. Be patient, give it your best effort, and you may be surprised to find that talking and listening to the Lord becomes as natural to you as all the other things you do in your daily routine.

Okay folks, I want to open this by saying that this is not a “shame on you” entry. I know I’m going up against things that have existed since the dawn of time, and I don’t pretend that this entry will open eyes and magically change the world. I’m merely trying to raise awareness of unrecognized perils to something that we all do, and hope it will lead to some wisdom in actions. Likely not, but you can’t plead ignorance after reading this entry. I’ll cut to the chase. We all play favorites. It’s not a “thing” limited to certain places or relationships. We do it all the time and we do it everywhere. It happens in families (you know it does). It happens at work. It happens at church. It happens in clubs, societies, sororities, classrooms, emergency rooms, waiting rooms – hell, I’ve even seen it happen at the county dump when the cute blonde in the sporty car was waved ahead of me to empty trash. Call it “favoritism.” Call it “the good old boy system.” Call it “cliques” or “popularity contests.” Call it whatever you want. It happens. I know everybody reading this is shouting and saying “oh hell no.” Oh hell yes. Let’s drop the pretense and b.s. for just a few minutes. I promise not to go on too long and you can resume the “formalities” momentarily. Besides, I’m trying to help you here. At least in my own, strip-off-the-nonsense-and-call-it-like-it-is way. And remember, I said we’re all guilty. Me too. You too. Everybody too. Even my birds have their “favorite humans.” This could well precede not only time and space, but all of creation. Partiality happens. There’s no stopping it. It’s a simple fact that yes, we are predisposed to react more favorably to some people and situations than others. It’s personality – some just go together better than others. It’s also life experience – we relate better to those that have faced similar experiences or have a similar lifestyle. There are complex nature/nurture forces at play that make us more receptive and gracious toward some people than others. Likewise, there are some types we throw up our guard against. I mentioned in the last entry that it miffs me that charisma wins over character so much – that’s because I’ve been the victim of people using charisma to hide serious character flaws several times. Their “God bless us every one” demeanor was hiding a nasty temper bent on utter annihilation. So naturally, I don’t trust “popular” people because I see the red lightsaber just waiting to stab me. That being said, it happens. Despite modern science, I doubt we ever unlock the secrets of the human personality. It’s too complex and this is one of those things that you can’t account for. We naturally like some people better than others. And conversely, we naturally dislike those that strike us unfavorably. There’s no cure for it. You can’t fix it and people are going to play favorites. It’s going to happen. Now here’s where we run into the problem: Nobody likes being a “not favorite.” Anytime you complement somebody, anytime you recognize somebody, anytime you put someone on a pedestal or offer public praise or thanks, then other people will feel left out and perceive it as a slight. Because no man is an island and no matter how wonderful Mr. or Miss Wonderful is, it’s unlikely they did it on their own. And, sad to say, some people are very good at getting other people to do everything and having the credit funneled directly to their feet. But that’s another entry for another day. Recognition – and especially public recognition – can open a nasty can of worms that you don’t even know until they’re crawling up your leg. At best, the people you failed to recognize will quit on you, and you’re setting your favorite to the test of picking up the load. At worst, they’ll turn on you. And God help you if it’s a former favorite that you’ve changed your mind about and they know stuff. Ouch. So does that mean public recognition of good service should be banned? Not at all. I’m just saying that if you want the dog to stay in the yard, then you need to throw them a bone. And not just the head of the pack – everyone in the yard needs a bone. So if you’re going to thank people, be sure that you take off what I call the “swell guy” blinders and open your eyes to everybody. Don’t hold one person up unless you have darn strong justification to do it. And going the extra mile to find out what speaks to a person can also help. Some people don’t want public recognition. My colleagues are smart enough to know an occasional “thank you,” showing interest in my writing, and a bar-b-que luncheon once or twice a year will keep me from squawking like a pissed off parakeet. Which is hilarious, because it didn’t take them long to figure that out and my former colleagues never did get it. Some things are a mystery because you choose not to put forth the two seconds to notice, eh?My point is this – we all play favorites, but it helps to check yourself every now and then. Showing favoritism is generally considered impolite,; and I know we don’t care for etiquette in the 21st century, but this is a formality that perhaps needs to be reinstated. Did you notice in the paragraph above that I was open to what types I’m not partial to, but I didn’t mention what types I am partial to? No way I’m telling that. But at least you know what raises my defenses, so there’s my attempt at leveling the playing field. Now you know a trigger to avoid with me. That being said, it might behoove you to quietly put your favorites in your inner circle and exercise discretion in your dealings. Don’t let it show. Throw the non-favorites something every now and then. And for goodness sake, if you do a public acknowledgement and get wind that somebody feels slighted, please take Dale Carnige’s advice to humbly apologize and rectify the situation. Digging in your heels and fighting to justify yourself won’t win friends or influence people. Just say “sorry, I am grateful for you and will be glad to acknowledge it with an apology for leaving you out,” do it, and let it go. That’s character and will close out the situation much faster that “well I did it because they did la de dah de dah and where were you then?” And as for the rest of us, give us a bar-b-que luncheon. Yea, that’ll shut us up. For a minute. That’s all today. You may now resume the formalities of pretending like we modern folks don’t do this crap. Bye!

As we head into a new year, I ponder my resolution to have better balance in my life on a number of levels. One of those (very important) levels is in the area of stress reduction and reducing worry in my life. I think these are things we all struggle with, and recently I've come to realize there's a great deal that we impose on ourselves, especially when it comes to our relationships. This realization came after having several people tell me things that other people said and/or did over the past few weeks and asked what I thought of it. I remembered that when I was under a therapist while going through my life changes a few years ago, one of the things she told me was that the secret to finding balance was realizing what was and wasn't my business. "You concern yourself with your responsibilities and what you control and let go of the things in the hands of others," she said. That's certainly true, and in fact remembering this advice upon being asked my opinion on these various situations and issues made me realize that people, in general, bring on a lot of their own stress by worrying about or fretting over things that other people think, say or do - things they have absolutely no control over. Why do we do this? My first reaction was that it's arrogance. Frankly, we all have a tendency to beleive that everything is all about us - and that's wrong. The truth is that everything people think, say and do is all about THEM. It's a reflection of how they see the world. Even if they say that "others made me do it," the truth is that they made the decision on how to perceive things and on how to proceed. Nobody "makes" anybody do anything. Plus, by nature, people are going to do what's best for them and the ones closest to them. Why should they do something that benefits you 100% and them none at all when you aren't the center of THEIR world? So there's one reason, but I don't think that's all of it, nor the major portion. In fact, I think if that were the whole reason, then it would mean that people in general are extremely selfish and short sighted, and I don't believe that such a narrow view applies to most people most of the time. Some maybe, but absolutely not all. Maybe not most. And remember, I said there's some truth to this. Maybe it's a small part, but I don't think that's a "once size fits all" explanation for it. Most people learn, grow, and gain a wider perspective on the world and as such, they aren't so shallow. I believe another reason is that we want everybody to like us. The problem is, I recently read that there was actually some scientific study that at least 10% of people aren't going to like you. Frankly, I was surprised the percentage was that low. I thought it would be closer to 30%, but the latest study I read said 10% so we'll run with that. Why is this? Plain and simple, personality differences. Some types just don't play well together. If you don't believe it, ask any extremely emotional person I've come in contact with and they'll tell you I'm mean and don't give a crap about their feelings. I am, by nature, a person that leans more toward logic and reason in making decisions than emotion. I usually don't get along well with extremely emotional types that "just want peace" and "want everybody happy right now" because I beleive happiness comes from investing the time and hard work to do things right no matter how you feel about it "right now." If you do what's right, then it will work out in the end, and that's a happiness that last; not a vapor of high emotion that wears off when the party is over and the consequences have to be paid. In fact, since I've been working in professional licensing, I'd say my tendency to make decisions based on logic and reason have become a stronger because by nature of my profession, I'm obligated to do what's right no matter how people feel about it. I don't think that's a bad thing (of course), but I've caught some flack about it because I'm female, and by stereotype I'm supposed to be all about feelings. While I'm ok to say "alright, forget the 10% and thank God for and enjoy the other 90%, well, some people get awfully fixated on that 10% and believe that if they work harder then they can get a 100% approval rating. It seems their effort would be better spent nurturing relationships with the other 90% but in fact, sometimes they turn on the ones on their side to gain approval they'll never have, counting on forgiveness from that 90% that might come, but not realizing that it will have a higher price than they bargained for because broken trust is a very hard thing to rebuild. But it happens, all the time. I've experienced it; I've seen it; I've written about it. Hey, I'm a writer. The ugly underside of humanity is a playground of inspiration. Expose it to me at your own risk. Just kidding - maybe. And a sidenote on the emotion thing: I'm interested to see if the stereotype of "hysterical emotion" in women downplays as more generations of women have careers.Working women don't have time to fret over every little wayward comment, rolled eye, questionable social media post, tear or tirade that comes their way. Or at least, me and my colleagues don't. But we'll see as time tells this particular tale.So there's that. But not all people are emotional and out for approval ratings that would make politicians jealous, so reason #2 can't apply to everybody. But it does apply to enough that I believe it should be considered. There is one more reason, and I think it applies to most of us. I believe the reason people get tied up in what others think, say and do is because they don't want to be alone in how they think or feel. They want to know that others agree with them. They want others to have an opinion with them, or to get mad with them, or to be sad with them, or to take up the cause with them because they don't want to be the only freak swimming against the tide. They want to know they're like everybody else and what the other person is doing is wild/selfish/stupid/crazy/nonsense/whatever. They don't want to be alone in their opinion or feelings because they don't want to look in the mirror and ask "is it them, or is it me?" We all want to be right. We all want the world to understand that our opinion is just as important as everybody elses'. We all want respect. Nobody wants to be a nobody. They want people to know that they're here, that they have value, and that they are just as important as the other 7+ billion people in the world. Here's the thing, though: Going about it by getting tangled up in other peoples' business is a sign of insecurity. If you truly walk in faith and you're confident in yourself as the authentic human being you were created to be, then you don't need to beg or scream for attention. You humbly go about your own business, believing that the life God set before and the purposes you serve speak for themselves. That's the cure.That's how you break free from this stress. You get busy living your own life and tending to your own businss and have the grace to accept others and the decisions they make without intruding into their lives with your opinions. Does this mean you ignore others and don't care what they do? Of course not. You should always do your best to help people in need and if there's something you can do to help others on their life path, you certainly should. The key is to use common sense and discernment. Yes, we all have opinions on things, but we don't need to share them all the time. Everything that flies through your head doesn't need to fly out of your mouth. If you aren't asked for your opinion or advice, assume it's not wanted or needed and keep it to yourself. I'd even go so far as to say that you should still use caution in giving advice even if you ARE asked for it. As one of the elves said in The Lord of the Rings - The Fellowship of the Ring, "elves don't give advice because all paths may run ill." Think before you speak. If in doubt, don't. And realize that advice is a take it or leave it thing - and in many cases, people leave it, so be prepared to have your advice or opinion rejected just in case and be prepared to not get offended. And please, for the love of God, if it won't make any difference and you have a thought - don't. Stop right there and go no further. If it's done and/or there's no way it's changing no matter what anybody says and you really need to get it out, set up a private blog or buy a journal to work it out, but don't go off on tirades and complain to everybody in the world about things you can't control involving people close to you. And don't ask or expect people to take sides with you unless you want to do the equivalent of renting a billboard that says I'M THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM. It makes you look bad and it makes other people run like hell from you when they see you coming. If it's something so big that you can't live with it, find a way to either deal with it or distance yourself from the situation. Just because a war's going on doesn't mean you have to be a soldier in it. Other people might want you to have their problems, but they can't draft you. You don't have to accept them and if you choose not to accept their problems, well then, it's over. The point of this mile long blog is that I'm coming to understand that balance is something that we have to strive for in every area of life, and personal relationships are certainly a big element there. We do live in the world, with people, so having good, balanced relationships is an extremely important thing. And one way we can achieve balance in our relationships is by not being a busybody, minding our own business, and having the grace to let it be. Thanks for hanging in there with me on this one. I hope you had a Happy Friday and that you have a great weekend. Bye!

I’m often asked if the things that happened to Jana Lanning in my recent novel, Anywhere But Here, actually happened to me. For those of you that haven’t read this novel, Jana Lanning, the protagonist, is denied admission to graduate school, finds out her boyfriend is cheating on her, helps her best friend get married and move out of town, and has to settle for a job that she’s overqualified for – and all of this happens within two weeks of getting her undergraduate degree. Then to make things worse, the office where she works starts a merger with another firm and Jana finds herself on the wrong end of office politics that are the final straw in her battle with depression. The thing people seem the most interested in are the office politics. People want to know if the happenings at Dixon Financial are reflective of my job before it was transferred to a new agency a couple of years ago. In response to that I’d say not entirely, but I can’t deny that some things that happened to me early in my career are reflected in people and events that take place in the book. I know that’s cryptic, but bear in mind two things: The people and events are fictionalized and that was accomplished through a mixture of my personal experiences, experiences I’ve seen and heard of from other people, and instances I’ve read about in books, magazines, news and other media. It came from a vast pool and I’ll admit that I had experience with being on the wrong end of office politics – heck, how could you write about it even from a fictionalized perspective unless you lived it in some way – but it’s also a universal issue that anybody working in an office environment is going to be on one end or the other of. And sorry folks, but there are probably going to be times when you find yourself on the wrong side, at least from the perspective of the majority.

My purpose in both writing Anywhere But Here and this entry isn’t to bash my former workplace. These things happened a decade ago, and I must admit that I said and did things that weren’t wise and didn’t lead to the best resolution in the situations I faced. I certainly learned from those experiences and in retrospect, I’m glad I learned those lessons early in life or I certainlywouldn’t be where I am now. The purpose is to share lessons learned, because this is something that I believe everybody in the workforce faces at some time. It makes you feel isolated and lonely when it happens, but the truth is that you aren’t alone. Lots of people face it but few talk about it because frankly, it’s embarrassing. I used to think that people playing office politics were selfish jerks that like to hurt people, but experience has shown me that it actually grows from a root of fear. People that play with power are insecure and doubt their own ability, so they create an elaborate game of turning people and things to their advantage. I’ve found that there are 2 good ways to identify a person that is likely to use power to their advantage: 1.They cling tightly to cliques that are made up of people that are higher on the chain of command than they are; and 2.They don’t associate with anybody on the chain of command below them unless it’s absolutely necessary - and those people better give them what they want immediately or it’s insubordination. It’s the people in category #2 that usually find themselves on the losing end of office politics because any wrong word or deed will be met with fierce retaliation. I won’t say that I never see office politics anymore, but I have found that I find myself in these situations a lot less since I’ve been reclassified to a mid-level position. I’d like to think this is because I’ve proven that my knowledge and abilities are valuable, but it’s more likely that I learned valuable lessons on how to deal with these types from previous experience – and people know it. So what’s the secret to dealing when you’re the victim of office politics? If you’re right, stand by that. Don’t ever cave in and take the quick and easy way out because that’s a temporary end. If they’d turn on you once, they’ll turn on you again. Caving in only shows that you can be taken advantage of, and they will milk that dry, plus the consequences of doing wrong will follow you a lot longer than standing up for what’s right. They might not like you, but they’ll respect you and at least know not to let you catch them with their hand in the cookie jar again. If you aren’t right, correct yourself immediately and stick to your guns in walking down the right road. And whichever situation you’re in, it’s imperative that you have patience. Truth will show itself in time and it will be end game then. It might take months or even years for things to come around, but they will and you’ll be better off for it. The reward will come in patient endurance, and it will be something that nobody can deny. Sure, there are people that are so stubborn that they’ll refuse to change their mind no matter what happens, but don’t worry about them. Leave them in their ignorance and move on because it’s highly probably that they’ll be gone in time themselves. I believe Jana Lanning in Anywhere But Here is a good personification of office politics gone wrong, because she’s the one in the weakest position. She didn’t do anything wrong and in fact suffered for doing right, but recent personal losses kept her from taking a stand in the right way and the right timing. The people that create these situations are masters at turning things against you even if you didn’t do anything wrong, and it’s exhausting to constantly defend your own character. Unfortunately, she found this out too late and suffered the consequences of crossing the wrong people simply by being who she was and not deferring to people doing things wrong. She was right and had proof of it, but she didn’t know how to present that truth in a combative work environment. That happens sometimes, and it’s awful. I think the worst offence in the world is to have to suffer for other peoples’ mistakes, and office politics are the ultimate example of that. I think this is why eople tell me that they find Jana Lanning so likeable. She’s a good person that doesn’t deserve the hard knocks that come her way from people taking advantage of her shy nature, youth, and inexperience. She makes the same mistakes that all of us made in our early adulthood and we understand her confusion at why life is kicking her around. Reality is a hard teacher, and it’s the only one that can do the job once school leaves off. Remember the movie “St. Elmo’s Fire” from the 80’s? That strange, new world opening up is the exact thing that Jana faces, and we understand exactly where she’s coming from. She, like the rest of us, has to learn to find those gems of opportunity in the rubble of defeat to rebuild a new life from shattered dreams. In some ways, we may even relate to her right where we’re at, because life is always teaching us lessons. So no, I didn’t start out in life exactly like Jana did. I actually did marry my college sweetheart, but I never made it to graduate school because I found other things that I believed were worth more in my life than higher education. I never struggled with depression, but I knew (and still know) many who do battle that demon, and I hope Jana’s struggle helps people with depression understand that this is a battle they can win if they stay in the fight. But yes, I did go through an office merger in my early years in the workforce, and I found myself prey to the power plays, albeit in much different circumstances. All I can say is that wisdom comes from experience, and I gained plenty in those few years. And lest you think it’s impossible for poor Jana to face so much at one time, I call your bluff. Too much smashing my life to bits was the catalyst for my next novel, Splinter – but that’s one for a future blog entry. I’ll address it closer to the release date in mid 2013. Until then, enjoy Anywhere But Here and my other books - information on them and links to buy are on the other tabs of this website. I hope you find entertainment and inspiration in them. That’s all today. Bye!

I remember Rick's grandmother telling me that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Hmm. That might have been true in her generation, but I'm not so sure about that now - or maybe it was a polite way of putting things back then. I think we have a pretty good idea of how to keep our men happy, but the problem is that it seems they are never given hints on how to win a woman's heart. They say we're mysterious, and hard to figure out. That we're elusive. That we're from another planet and there's no way to figure out what's happening in the depths of our minds and hearts. Well fellows, I have good news for you. We aren't all that complicated. There is a very simple way to a woman's heart, but I'm afraid you aren't going to like it. The way to win our heart isn't through expensive jewelry, romantic dates, or exotic vacations. The way to a woman's heart is to help with the housework. I'm serious. Take just 1 thing off her "to do" list, and you're her knight in shining armor. Yes, I hear the groaning. I recently read an article on happy couples and how they express love for one another and one major finding of the study was that no matter how much husband's loved and adored their wives, they still weren't any more likely to chip in with the housework any more than they absolutely had to. It's a shame too. I know it's distasteful fellows, and it's awfully convenient to have a companion and life mate that takes care of those annoying things like housecleaning, chores and errands - but you're consciously passing up a great opportunity to win the admiration and add to the love your mate, and it wouldn't even take that much. Take it from a woman that just spent all day cleaning the house. I swooned when I went upstairs and saw that Rick had already put the clean sheets on the bed. It was that simple! No diamonds. No steak dinner. No flowers. He did one chore for me. And I can tell you the things he helps me with around the house endears him to me just as much as all the compliments, praise, romantic dates, dinners, jewelry, flowers, and electronics that he's ever given me. That's all it would take, fellows. If you see she's having a busy or rough day just take out the trash, or empty the dishwasher, or fold the towels, or put the dirty cup in the dishwasher. I can tell you for a fact that I swoon over Rosie the Robot maid on The Jetsons more than any guy on TV or in the movies. Why on earth have we not invented a robot maid in real life yet? That would make my life so much easier!So guys, that's it. No mystery or intrigue. Take one things off our "to do" list and that makes you a superhero to us. Take two things off the list, and it might be your lucky day. Or night. Because eliminating stress from our lives makes us very grateful, and very happy.That's all for today. Enjoy the rest of your weekend. Bye!

I once read where someone said "you can have it all, but not at one time." I believe this is true. In light of my last entry on the sacrifices I've made to accomodate what's most important in my life, I realize that the issue of having too much to do and too little time to do it is a universal theme. The world is such a big place, and full of endless possibilities. The problem is that we are always limited by responsibilities or obligations that bind us and force us to choose which we would rather have - this or that. We only have so much time, or money, or energy, and we must set priorities because of these limitations. No human being is free of this. There's always going to be at least one thing that binds us and keeps us from total and complete freedom - and more likely, it will be several things, or a combination of factors. I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing. After all, what happens when there's no sense of accountability? Chaos, that's what. It turns into a state of anarchy and all civility goes the way of the wind. I'm thinking about the Israeliltes during the time of Moses as an example of this, and how the 10 commandments were sent down not once but TWICE. Why? Because the people went wild and out of control when their leader was gone for 40 days to get the law that was set to guide them to a better life, and they descended into a state of anarchy where they made up their own rules of what was god and what was right. Yes, freedom would be nice, but is it really what we need? I think not. Perhaps God gives us responsibility and obligations not to bind us, but to give us a framework for seeing what's really important and helping us see what's a distraction so we can enjoy what we have to the fullest. After all, Christians are supposed to be accountable not only to God, but to one another. We are to deal fairly and honestly, as Jesus would. And really, accountability is a good thing. It promotes responsibility, cooperation, harmony, balance, and the most important thing in life: relationships. If you consider it, we really do get our freedom a piece at a time. The changing nature of life allows us the freedom to experience a full spectrum of life through each passing season. Nothing stays the same forever, adn the changing nature of life gives us the freedom to experience a broad range of experiences when the timing is right for us. It's a paradox to be sure, but I'm learning that life is full of paradoxes. I think the bottom line is that we should enjoy each and every relationship we have when we have it, and to enjoy life in the right ways - no matter where it may have us at the moment.

I got my first “dud” Christmas gift when I was 16 years old. It was one of those “trolls” that were so popular in the early to mid-90’s. I don’t know if any of you remember them – they were small dolls with outfits and wild hair. They were quite the craze at the time, and one of my friends thought I’d like one.

I hated it. But I didn’t want to offend her, so I put on a smile and said “wow, it’s interesting.” Unfortunately, this friend didn’t know me well enough to know that “interesting” from me could me in a good or bad way. I meant the bad way. She thought I meant the good way. And the word spread. Then someone got the bright idea: Let’s help Sherri build up a troll collection.

I wound out with countless of these hideous, ugly figurines. The rumor even made it’s way to my family, who also bestowed me with several to add to my “collection.” I didn’t know what to do, because I understood their intentions were good and didn’t want to offend anybody. So for years, I had a corner of my room devoted to this hideous, ugly monstrosity building up in my life. By the time Rick and I started dating 3 years later, the collection took up an entire shelf on my bookshelf. They represented every holiday or possible event that had taken place in my life.

“That’s an interesting collection,” Rick commented. “I hate them!” I said, finally cracking. “Somebody thought I liked them and told everybody!”“Really? Then why do you have them up? That’s only going to encourage people to give you more of them.”

That made me think. I was in college by that time, and had lost touch with many of the old high school friends that gave me those horrible monsters. So I took the collection down. A few friends that visited asked about them later and I told them that I outgrew it and was no longer interested in the collection. Their popularity was waning by that time anyway (thank God), so I didn’t face too many questions over it.

Looking back, that whole three year scenario was avoidable. I could have been honest and told my friends that I appreciated the unique gift, but I didn’t want to make a collection out of them. Or I could have “regifted” it to a friend at another school the next year. I didn’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings, but honesty really is better in the long run, and I resented those trolls for far longer than any feelings would have been hurt by just saying from the start that I didn’t like the things.

The point of this entry is that you’re going to get a gift that’s a dud every now and then. We celebrate the holidays every year, so it’s inevitable that something is going to be a bust from time to time. The secret is to handle these situations appropriately and as discretely as possible. If it’s a wrong size or style or if it’s something you can’t have because of allergy or health problems, be honest. Remember that people give you gifts because they want you to use them, and they’ll feel bad if you can’t. If it’s something that can be corrected, by all means talk to them and get it exchanged or refunded so the problem can be corrected. If it’s something that you can’t have because of your health, let people know because they don’t want their gifts to make you sick. And if it’s a “troll” situation like mine, well, you have options. You can give it a try. I thought the slipper socks from my last entry were going to be another “troll,” but I tried them and they because a gem. Sometimes things do work out in unexpected ways. If you don’t want to give it a try, you can ask about exchanging it for something more appropriate, or you can regift it. I warn you, though, to note the name of the giver. Regifting to the person that gave you the present is rude, so be discrete and make sure you give it to somebody different.

Then there are those situations where the person gives you the same thing every year, and by golly they aren’t going to change no matter what. I’ve known a few people that give magazine subscriptions every year and they refuse to give anything else, even though many of their recipients have asked for something different every year. Likewise, I think we’ve all had the one relative that gives you a gift that you absolutely can’t use every year, and they won’t consider a change. These are usually situations where the giver has limited resources, and they probably can’t do much more. You have no choice but to accept these gifts. But take heart. You’ll probably appreciate those handmade towels or sweaters one day for happy memories, even if you wouldn’t dream of wearing them in public. And magazines can be shared, so take those issues to the “giveaway” table at work, or donate them to a local doctor’s or dentist’s office.

Incidentally, I ran across one of those pesky trolls when I took down the Christmas decorations a few weeks ago. I put it on the “giveaway” table at work. And surprisingly, somebody took it. Oh well, better them than me.

I’ve often said that when you first tell people that you want to be a writer, expect a lot of blank stares at best, and a reaction akin to announcing that you plan to become a serial killer at worst. That is, until you get published. Then everybody will know you and proudly proclaim that they knew you “back when.” They’ll completely forget all the times they said “why do you want to do that?” or “didn’t you graduate? Why not go back to school instead if that’s what you want to do?” Or any other number of “helpful suggestions” that included doing anything but that.

That’s not to say that I didn’t have support. Of course, those closest to me wanted me to succeed at making my dreams come true, but let’s face it – your inner circle is usually pretty small. Most of the people you know won’t be in it, and they certainly won’t understand the things that are most important to you. In fact, even those in your “inner circle” will eventually lose their enthusiasm for your personal pursuits if they don’t see results face, and often. It’s unfortunate, but peoples’ attention spans are usually much shorter than God’s timing. Most people don’t have patience to stay the course, especially in a culture where everything is instantaneous and available with the click of the mouse or the press of a button. That’s why I believe that internal motivation is perhaps the most important element in pursuing your authenticity and purpose in life.

What is internal motivation? Basically, it’s the determination and inner drive to see things through to the end, no matter what it takes. I’ve said before that God will only reveal purpose to you, and for that reason you simply can’t rely on others to hold you up and carry you through the finish line. They have their hands full with their own lives and frankly, they are probably overwhelmed with keeping up with the day to day grind of reality. You must have strength within you to stay the course and be determined to see things through all the way to the end, no matter how many battles or struggles you must endure. There path to purpose isn’t a straight line, but rather a winding highway. There will be progress and setbacks, trials and errors, success and failure, as you wind through the journey. Some people will be with you for all of it, some for part, but remember that they are also taking their own journey’s. We all only have so much emotional energy and must dedicate it to those things that matter most. And let’s be honest, what are you more concerned with: Your own life or somebody elses’? That’s not being selfish – it’s just the way it is. We must attend to our own obligations and priorities first and foremost.

Likewise, there are also people that don’t want to see you succeed. This usually isn’t personal, even though it feels like a very real attack on who we are. It’s really smoke and mirrors for their own insecurity. I believe we all have these “emotional vampires” in our lives that can find the dark cloud in any silver lining and discourage us from doing anything that causes us to rise above where we’re at. Their security is in making sure that you (and often, everybody they know) stay inside the convenient box they’ve put you in for their own comfort. You must realize that this box isn’t your problem. Do yourself a favor by dealing with these toxic relationships quickly and efficiently, and moving on. In fact, that might be the very thing that makes them realize the right thing to do so they can get on with their own lives. Doing the right thing and refusing to accept other peoples’ problems is often the best living testimony we can provide to the world.

Yes, the journey to purpose can be a lonely one at times. There are journey’s we must take alone and things we must discover on our own. The good news is that we are never really alone. The Lord is always right there with us, to ensure that we stay on the right path. He will always do His part as long as we do our part by following the prompting of the Spirit, but sometimes what is right isn’t what looks or seems right. That’s why it’s so important to be internally motivated. These promptings are usually very personal, and we have to be able to stand up to scrutiny, discouragement, and sometimes even attack to see the victory. But as I’ve said so many times before, the reward is well worth it. There’s nothing better than realizing you are uniquely and wonderfully made, and being content with who you are.

Hi everybody, Sherri is taking it easy today, so I thought I'd drop by. My name is Kirsten Chalmers, from Blurry, and I'm here to set the record straight. I know there's a lot of talk about "things" between me and Danny. I think a lot of people misunderstand things - completely. I'm not after Danny for a relationship or to "hook up." Please, just because I'm a cheerleader doesn't mean I'm shallow! Actually, I've been trying to establish a better peace between Danny and Rachel. This "truce" of theirs is barely a truce at all. In fact, it feels more like a silent war. Sure, they agreed not to talk - but do you realize what kind of situation that puts their mutual friends in? It forces us to take sides, and that's just not fair. I tried to talk to Rachel about this all summer and got nowhere. Then she had her big 18th birthday party over Labor Day weekend. Yea, pretty much most of the senior and junior classes were invited - except Danny. That was SO majorly awkward, especially since those two were glued together all of last year! It was such a shock! When we asked and she said they came up with this "you leave me alone, I leave you alone" kind of "truce," most of us were floored. We just couldn't believe they would cut off each other that completely. Couldn't they at least act friendly? Rachel said no, that Danny shot that down and she was doing what he asked. She said she was willing to try to be friends, or at least civil, but he said no, he had his own friends and would keep to them. So the day after the party, I saw Danny at the Pizza Parlor and decided to ask him about it myself. He said that yes, this not talking truce was his idea. He said he simply couldn't be friends with Rachel after their messy breakup. I didn't think it was that messy. It seemed like a clean break to me. They were together one day and apart the next - but whatever. He also said something about Rachel not being able to accept who he really was and his other friends, and he couldn't deal with her judging him all the time. I get it - I really do. Rachel doesn't mean to be judgemental, but her life is black and white. She's such a good girl, and she's really smart - but she's in her own little perfect world sometimes and that can be a hard thing to break through. I know. I've been friends with her my whole life. She just can't handle the shades of grey. Heck, she can't even see them! But this whole thing between her and Danny is making things pretty tough for the rest of us, and that's not fair. It seems that they could budge, at least a little, for us. I spent all summer trying to get Rachel to do that. She claimed she tried and he wouldn't budge.Fine, so I decided to try working on him. I thought that maybe if I could get one of them to back down, then the other might be willing to establish more civil terms. Rachel seemed willing to budge if Danny would - so I'm trying to get him to do his part now. So no, I'm not "after" him. All I'm trying to do is make our senior year less awkward. Don't we deserve that? These are supposed to be the best days of our lives! I'm just trying help - really! Marielle, my friend on the cheerleading squad, said to let them both go and do my own thing. She said there's no way this can get any better and in fact, it's probably going to come to the point of a break sometime soon. I know it seems it would be easier to let the whole thing go and do my own thing - but I've been friends with Rachel, Sasha, and the gang my whole life. I can't just walk away from them. I'm not going to abandon all of my friends just because one of them had a messy breakup. Heck, that could happen to any of us! I just have a bad feeling that Marielle has a point, and I'm so afraid it might come to that. I hope it doesn't. I'd hate that. I can't imagine life without Rachel, Sasha, and Natalie in it. God, why does life have to be so complicated? Why did Danny have to get so entrenched in our lives, then screw things up with Rachel? Why couldn't Rachel give Danny more of a chance to change? Why, why, why?I don't know, but I'm going to do whatever it takes to make things better - for myself and for all of us. That's all for today. Take care. Author's note: We see exactly where this went for Kirsten from the sample Prologue on the front page. What happened? Find out in Blurry!