3/25/10

The Boob Tube #14: The New Adventures of Wonder Woman (part two)

In the previous "Spreading the Love" post, we followed the story of Wonder Woman up against The Bermuda Triangle. If you thought that one was painfully awful good, you'll really enjoy this one entitled "The Pied Piper". This is another one of my favorite Wonder Woman episodes. Follow along, and you'll see why.

Right off the bat, you know this is going to be good - Martin Mull (!) is a rock star flautist called Hamlin Rule who's kind of like Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull, bringing down the house with his flute playing mojo.

And let me tell you, his act is unbelievably awful. What kind of rock concert features a guy with a flute and a green chick popping out of a wicker basket? I was embarrassed for everyone involved.

Meanwhile, the box office earnings were being stolen backstage.. It seems box office cash has a habit of getting stolen during Hamlin performances. We don't know who's stealing the dough, but Diana is given the task of finding out.

The plot thickens when we learn that Joe's 19 year old daughter (Joe is their boss, pictured above in the brown suit) is a Hamlin Rule groupie! She was a straight A student until she became obsessed with the rock 'n' roll pied piper. Now she's dropped out of UCLA.

And who plays Elaine, Joe's daughter? Sweet Lord! It's Eve Plumb!

Yes, Jan Brady is among the many groupies who hang around Hamlin's pad. He evidently weaves some sort of magical spell from his flute that can make his harem do his bidding. It seems Hamlin is having his sex slaves groupies steal the box office earnings. Why would he steal his own earnings? Because the concert owners still must pay him for his performance - thus, Hamlin is really getting paid twice. The bastard!

Now we learn Hamlin has a sweet spot for Elaine. He's selected her to be the next "snake girl" to jump out of a wicker basket at his upcoming concert, and Elaine is honored. More importantly, check out Martin Mull's getup! For chrissake, he looks like Evel Knievel!

Next, Diana takes a visit to Hamlin's recording studio, only to be hypnotized by the magic flute. Somehow, she winds up stuck in a strange barber's chair (?) and twirled around and around really fast. Evil villains always think of the most idiotic ways to kill the hero (a la Dr. Evil), but this may be the dumbest I've seen: a twirling barber's chair. Really?

Well, we all know what happens when Diana spins around rapidly. That's right. She turns into Wonder Woman. Giddy-up!

What ensues is a pretty good battle between the Amazon and Hamlin's henchman. They throw each other through walls and roll on the floor a lot. I can't help but think the director was fully aware why males of all ages were watching this show: Linda Carter bouncing around in costume.

Wonder Woman finally dispatches the henchman and recovers a set of secret plans conveniently stowed in his pants. She discovers that Hamlin is planning to raid the box office at his next gig. (Did we really need to find secret plans to know this was going to happen?)

This time the government will be waiting for them. Joe poses as the guardian of the safe, ready for the heist. Little does he know, it will be his daughter in charge of the operation!

The government's sting operation is a dismal failure. The groupie robbers, dressed in masks and leotards subdue Joe and take off with the money. By the time Wonder Woman shows up, it's too effing late.The safe has been cleaned out and the chicks are long gone.

Now the shit starts hitting the fan. Wonder Woman is tired of playing games. She busts into Hamlin's mansion to rescue Elaine who's in the process of being hypnotized by the flute.

Needless to say, Wonder Woman captures Hamlin... but what came next was rather surprising.

Hamlin tells Wonder Woman this sob story about being shafted by his agents and record companies. He was just trying to take back what they stole from him. Unbelievably, Wonder Woman is sympathetic to his plight. The show ends with her saying he should write a song for charity to make up for it. What?!?

Anyway, I've enjoyed recounting another Wonder Woman episode. The cheesy plot, the awesome guest stars, the audacious costumes, and the lovely Linda Carter.... what's not to love? I have a feeling this won't be my last Wonder Woman post.

I thought Diana Prince worked for some fancy spy organization. Why would they be interested in box office robberies? This is where these 70s super hero shows would always lose me. Certainly Wonder Woman could find bigger things to devote her time to. I guess the tight budgets dictated that they spend all their time in LA dealing with mundane crime stories. At least in the last episode, they went to Myers Lake (Hey look, there's Andy and Opie in the background) and pretended that it was an island in the Bermuda Triangle.

I remember these shows..back in the day, much as I would have liked to have watched Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman, I was too embarrassed to actually speak up and try to get the television time....The show's stories were so bone-headed, obviously the only reason I'd watch is to see smokin' Lynda. I COULD have gotten away with watching Catherine Bach on Dukes of Hazzard, because my sisters watched that program...but as hot as Ms. Bach was in her Daisy Dukes, the show was just TOO STUPID to bear.

But EVE PLUMB? Oh, I feel faint just thinking on her!

One final note on Wonder Woman: For SHAME! You have the nerve to present a two-parter on Ms. Carter's Wonder Woman, and FAIL TO MENTION Ms. Carter's niece or little sister or whatever the relationship was of her "little" sidekick? Maybe you could have it as a Trivia Newton John contest as to who WAS that unmasked Amazon?

I remain:In a perpetual crush on Ms. Plumb.Bill Abendroth

PS As for Barbara's snarky comment about "people watching" Wonder Woman; Might I remind her that at one point in time, Boobwatch..I mean BAYWATCH was the most widely viewed television program on the planet....And as piss poor as Ms. Carter's shows were (and they were), they were Masterpiece Theatre next to Boob..I mean Baywatch.

At one point last year, Best Buy had the WW seasons priced at 13 bucks each so I got all three. Unquestionably cheap to look at today but entertaining on their own level and this is such a nigh-psychotronic episode!

I just watched this episode on the Warner Bros. website. Gilligan, you are SO right; those concert scenes are embarrassingly bad! However, Lynda Carter looked hotter than a depot stove. She's very easy on the eyes, but the episode has my mind bewildered.

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