Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

I am a woman, and I have been married to my husband for 45 years now, so these words speak to my heart. We wives are to be subject to our husbands. We are to yield to their authority, be secondary to them in rule and authority in the household, and we are to be their assistants (partners, helpers). We are not to be head over them. Yet, we are not to subject ourselves to or to be partners with what is sinful, i.e. we are to obey God above all else and to respectfully decline any invitations to sin against God. We should never let our husbands lead us into sin, in other words, and then use “submission to spouse” as an excuse to willfully sin against God.

Our behavior should always be pure and respectful, both to God and to our husbands. We should set an example before our husbands, and before all people, of what it means to live pure and holy lives, pleasing to God. Yet, does this mean that we are never to say anything to our husbands about their conduct? I believe the implication is that the husband, in this case, is not a believer in Jesus Christ, and it is also in the context of the woman being in subjection to her husband, and not lording it over her husband. It also appears that the husband did hear the Word (the gospel) preached, but that he rejected it, so the wife should not try to pound the gospel into her husband through words, but rather to live the gospel before him, which would have a greater effect on him than her preaching it to him.

But, this is not to say that wives must live in absolute silence with their husbands, or that a wife cannot lovingly approach her husband with concerns over inappropriate conduct, or that if her husband is a believer, but he is going astray, that she cannot lovingly speak to him in hopes that he might be deterred from error. There are many passages of scripture, with regard to the body of Christ, that teach us to speak the truth in love to one another so that we might be brought to maturity in Christ, and which speak of what to do if a fellow believer is being led into sin or is caught in a sin, and also regarding what it means to love someone with the love of Christ. It is not loving to see a believer being led into sin and to say nothing. Also, if the wife is the helper, there are times when she does need to speak out.

As far as our outward adornment (beautification) is concerned, it should not be what is gaudy (loud, flashy, tasteless) or sensual. It should not be what attracts people to our bodies, especially, but it should be simple, discerning and modest. We especially do not want to adorn ourselves outwardly in such a way that we might knowingly lead men to lust after us, so we should always dress ourselves in such a way that is appropriate for women who profess Christ as Savior and who want to live holy and godly lives. For, what we want to show to others is the righteousness of God in our hearts, which comes not merely through our words, but through our reverent, submissive and humble attitudes and behaviors.

Honor the Woman (v. 7)

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Even though these instructions to husbands are few in words, they “pack a punch,” i.e. these few words are capable of having a powerful effect on the lives of the husbands who take these few words to heart.

Husbands are to live with their wives in an understanding way, via applied knowledge. So, what specific knowledge or understanding is implied here? I believe the “likewise” in both the instructions to the wives and to the husbands refers back to the words spoken at the end of chapter 2, which speak of suffering unjustly, responding in love, and following Christ’s example of humility and holy conduct, especially in the face of unjust suffering. We read there that Jesus “himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness” (1 Pet. 2:24). Husbands and wives, who profess faith in Jesus Christ, should live as Christ lived, following his example, and should die to sin and live to righteousness, and then we will live with each other as God intended.

This brings to mind the instructions to husbands in Ephesians 5:25-33 where it says, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her… husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.” In this way a husband is living with his wife in an understanding way, with applied knowledge, by following the Biblical instructions on how he is to live with and love his wife. And, this is a “tall order,” yet God can give them all that they need to do and to live this.

Husbands are to honor their wives. If they love them as Christ loved the church, and gave himself up for her, they will honor their wives. So, how should they honor them? First and foremost, I believe, is by keeping their marriage vows to them, and by not going after “other lovers,” whether through viewing pornography, or via romantic or sexual relationships with other women or men, or by being “married” to their jobs, hobbies, sports or whatever else may have their hearts, passions and desires above God and above their spouses. Secondly, they honor their wives by treating them with decency, dignity, respect, and value, and by showing regard for their thoughts, beliefs and feelings, and by valuing their opinions or input in decision-making. Bottom line – love them like Jesus loves them, and you won’t go wrong. And, in this way, your prayers will also not be hindered.

Kindred Love (vv. 8-12)

Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. For

“Whoever desires to love life
and see good days,
let him keep his tongue from evil
and his lips from speaking deceit;
let him turn away from evil and do good;
let him seek peace and pursue it.
For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,
and his ears are open to their prayer.
But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”

All of us, whether wives or husbands or singles (unmarried) or children, if we are in Christ, through faith in him, should have unity of mind, but with what mind? Whose mind? We should have unity (harmony, agreement) with the mind of Christ, not with the mind of humans. Too many humans are pushing unity, but it is not unity with God, with his purposes, with his Word and with his will and his ways, but it is solidarity with the thinking of humans and with humanistic philosophy, and it is a blending in with the world. So, when we hear the word “unity,” even within the church, we must be cautious and discerning with regard to what we are essentially unifying with. Be aware! The beast wants unity, too, only with him. Know the difference!

If we, as followers of Christ, do have unity of the Spirit of God with one another, then we will also have sympathy, kindred love, tender hearts and humble minds, especially in regards to how we treat one another. We will not want to exact revenge on others who we believe have harmed us in some way, but we will love them, forgive them, and we will want to help them, if possible, to be right in their relationships with the Lord. We will not slander others, or speak hateful words against them, in order to cause them harm, but we will speak the truth in love to them, in hopes that we might turn a sinner from his or her sinful ways. Yet, seeking peace should never be at the cost of compromise of the truth, of the gospel message, or of our testimonies and lifestyles, which are to be given over to our Lord in submission to his will. Seek peace, but never compromise with evil!