Well Charlie Brown, sounds to me like you never heard the stories in Parsha Noach, this week’s Torah portion…because a whole lotta people got killed in the rain.

Parsha Noah tells the story of a man named Noah (there’s the surprise of the century) who was a holy man in his time. Now, the whole world was corrupt and filled with evil, so when the Bible says that Noah was righteous “in his time”, that doesn’t mean he was a saint or anything…he was just better than all the crummy people he was around.

So we all know the story: Noah builds a big ol’ boat, puts a bunch of animals on it, and survives the flood.

It looked a lot like the video game Wolfenstein 3D, but that’s because old things always look like 90’s video games.

Once the waters recede, Noah comes off the boat, builds an altar to God, makes a sacrifice, and God makes a covenant with him.

Now a lot of people think this story is just that…a story. Nothing true to it at all. And if you think there was a worldwide flood, you’re a gigantic idiot…like the People of Walmart people.

But in reality, there might be some truth to all this. Even Penn and Teller think so.

And if you don’t believe that something like this is possible, then you obviously never met a Norweigian.

After the covenant between God and Noah, God seals the deal with a Rainbow. That’s nice, but it would be way better if it was a double rainbow.