Thursday, February 18, 2010

I wanted to do something special for Lent and this year and I had a hard time deciding. I would usually give up something I really enjoy like diet soda or chocolate, but this year it's different for me.

So I was at a loss and then something mysteriously came to me. Yesterday I was at my old house with Rob going through things to pack up and bring home. I ended up bringing home a couple of boxes and I came across a prayer card.

It was similar to this card-

Going through chemo during Lent is a blessing because no matter how hard things seem I can think of Jesus carrying the cross for me and my problems seem very small. It also reminds me that he carried that cross for all my sins so that I could be saved.

So during LentI will say my Rosary every night and meditate on the correct mysteries.I will say Grace before every meal.I will say the Prayer to the Shoulder Wound of Jesus every night.I will wear the medal during lent to remind me of Jesus carrying the cross.I will also follow along in the Lenten book given out at church.

Here is how the Prayer to the Shoulder Wound of Jesus came about: (found on my prayer card)It is related in the annals of Clairvaux that St. Bernard asked Our Lord which was His greatest unrecorded suffering and Our Lord answered: "I had on My Shoulder, while I bore My Cross on the Way of Sorrows, a grievous Wound, which was more painful than the others and which is not recorded by men. Honor this Wound with thy devotion and I will grant thee whatsoever thou dost ask through Its virtue and merit. And in regard to all those who shall venerate this Wound, I will remit to them all their venial sins and will no longer remember their mortal sins."

Prayer to the Shoulder Wound of JesusO Loving Jesus, meek Lamb of God, I a miserable sinner, salute and worship the most Sacred Wound of Thy Shoulder on which Thou didst bear Thy heavy Cross, which so tore Thy Flesh and laid bare Thy Bones as to inflict on Thee an anguish greater than any other Wound of Thy Most Blessed Body. I adore Thee, O Jesus most sorrowful; I praise and glorify Thee and give Thee thanks for this most sacred and painful Wound, beseeching Thee by that exceeding pain and by the crushing burden of Thy heavy Cross to be merciful to me, a sinner, to forgive me all my mortal and venial sins, and to lead me on towards Heaven along the Way of Thy Cross. Amen.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Today we are going to the Corning Museum of Glass- Yeah! Not sure what I'll wear. I had crazy dreams yesterday of jewelry and clothes it was awesome!

I think I'll skip my wig today.

We had a great Vday at Lampy's and then Joe and Nicole's for dessert! Thanks you guys - We love you!

The last 2 days were hard because I laid around and I get down so I really have to force myself up and about.I am so THANKFUL for my mom sitting with me Sunday and bringing me delis food. Fruit today tastes so good!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Yesterday was difficult, but as so many other times during this whole thing great things happen.

I went for a walk with my mom yesterday and it was the same walk we took so many times when I first found out I had cancer. Those walks saved me from going crazy, but they were hard. So now when I walked the walk it was really stressful for me. It's like living it again. So I was a bit stressed over that.

When I got home I quickly wanted to make a haircut appointment and browse dresses.

My hair is really bothering me lately. I need to get it cut before it actually starts falling out, and I'm just not that into it. So I call my hairdresser and she's in Miami (lucky her), and that stresses me out too.

Quickly I browse dresses because I have a wedding in Feb and I realize that now instead of just looking for a dress to make me look skinny(typical worry before bc), I'm for something with sleeves and not low cut.I don't know.........then I'm thinking of my wig and how it's going to look with my dress and I get really nervous. Usually during tough situations I can slow down and figure things out, but this time I couldn't find myself. I couldn't picture myself as I am. My mind has not caught up to what my body has become. So many things were done and are happening, I'm just now catching up to them. The physical part of everything has been great; no major pain and scarring, range of motion all seem great. I did read somewhere that the physical healing is much faster than the emotional healing. Guess so.

So as it turns out I get a call from my Reach For Recovery person and it couldn't come at a better time. She spoke to me about triggers, doctors, kids, hormones and scans and I felt better.Reach For Recovery is through the American Cancer Society. They have been great.

I also received in the mail from a friend, scriptures for healing! How weird is that?Here's what it said:

God's Medicine

(To be spoken by mouth three times a day until faith comes, then once a day to maintain faith. If your circumstances grow worse, double the dosage. There are no harmful side effects!)

Ok and One Scripture I really liked:You have given me abundant life; I receive that life through Your Word and it flows to every organ of my body, bringing healing and health.

So I feel real bad for feeling bad, because I'm so blessed that my cancer was caught!!!!!!I just have to keep telling myself it's all normal. I feel so much better this morning.

I am fighting off a cold so that doesn't help my state of mind.

I have no idea what my hair will look like after today. I just booked with some person I've never met.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

So my church has a healing mass every Monday. I had gone to 2 in the beginning of my diagnosis, but then having to travel to NY it was hard to get there. I enjoyed this mass because I'm friends with one of the women who helps prepare the mass and it's just plain nice going. I also like it because my friend this women prints up scripture sheets for every mass and I use them a lot.

Father gave me a big long hug and then Father, Jeanie, my mom and another gentleman I always see at mass prayed over me and it felt good.

I know I have said it before but it became clear to me again at this healing mass that I was being prepared for healing before I knew I was sick.

I am not of the belief that God causes sickness, but I do believe he intercedes. Bad things just happen naturally, but God steps in at times.

I started to think back to when I met my friend Jeanie about 2 years ago. I was in charge of a booth at our church bazaar and she was a volunteer. The first year I worked with her I thought she was a great lady and the 2nd year (this past summer) I felt she was very strong spiritually (much more than I). Well who would think that later in the year I would be standing in my mom's kitchen (after my - yes it's cancer phone call) and with me was a scripture Jeanie had printed up. When I got the call I was alone with my mom and I knew nothing else to do but pray and I happened to bring a scripture sheet with me that day. I will never forget that day as long as I live and that scripture saved me from totally losing it.

I believe God was preparing me for what was to come. I cried all the way home because I have no idea why I am so blessed, but I feel it in my heart and that is the best feeling ever.

Friday, February 5, 2010

My skin has been so dry and I love this stuff:I recently changed to a healthier deodorant you can get it at Walgreen's

I also had to change to an electric razor and I'm liking my wet/dry Remington (gift from mom)

This is for you AMY (I finally remembered)To get dry heels in shape use this:Before bed wipe your feet with the Stridex pads and then the Eucerin lotion and I sometimes start out sleeping with socks on.

Amber- here's the eye make-up infoI started using Urban Decay on my wedding day and I love it - I order it from SephoraFun Eye LinerAnd then here is the eye liner- it works nice!!!!!!!! It's at CVS

Crochet Pattern- Quick and Easy I'm working on this crochet pattern ........it uses a Love Knot and it's super easy and quick!

The Knot Stitch is also known as Love Knot, Lovers’ Knot, True Lovers’Knot, Solomon’s Knot or Hail Stone.

SCARFRow 1: ch 1, make 10 knots: 10 knotsNote: This will be the width of your scarf. To alter the width of your scarf,increase or decrease the number of knots made. If you alter the number ofknots made the stitch count at the end of each row will also change.Row 2: make 2 knots, tr in third knot from hook, (make 1 knot, tr in next knot)across: 11 knots, 10 trNote: If the number of knots on row 1 was adjusted, the number of tr on row 2and on each row following will be the same as the number of knots on row 1.The number of knots on row 2 and on each row following will be the number ofknots on row 1, plus 1 knot.Row 3: make 2 knots, turn, skip first tr, skip 1 knot, tr in next tr, (make 1 knot,skip 1 knot, tr in next tr) across, make 1 knot, skip 1 knot, tr in next knot: 11knots, 10 trRepeat row 3, 74 times or until the scarf is as long as you desire, then finish off.

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I'm hoping to purchase one of these.....Becky my sis has one and it's adorable over a Tee

I'm finally getting used to being bald- sick of hearing about it? Sorry- but you have no idea unless you've done it. I feel so naked all the time!

I wear my wig more now but it's itchy and I feel like everyone is looking at it.

So today at Kmart- buying a scale because- guess what? Chemo makes you gain weight! I have to weight myself daily and really work at not getting too crazy with the Eating anything and NOT Exercising.

Ok back to the story.......I decide to show my bathroom LOVE for Valentine's Day and seen some cute towels on sale. When I was checking out I wrote a check and I hear the cashier say something like Cu??? So I assumed she was saying something about the great color towels I got and I said "what?" and she said "I guess I have to say NICE CUT" I said "huh?" She said "Your hair it was so long and now it's so short" She was referring to my license picture. The whole time I'm thinking OK- is she joking?Anyways she was just a real nice girl and no I don't think she was joking, but my mom and I were laughing. FINALLY I'm laughing about it.

I attended Healing Mass at St. James church and it was great! I LOVE that mass. It's the 1st Thursday of every month at 7pm (rosary at 6:30).

Thursday, February 4, 2010

So Sunday was my 1st time at church with my wig and I wasn't too happy about it. I'd have to say I was a real brat about it. I practically bit Rob's head off on the way because I felt like he was driving too slow.

We arrived early and I went up to say a prayer by the Blessed Mother. When I went to get up and go to my seat I seen my pastor and he was smiling and calling me over. Then he asked if I had a minute and as I'm following him I notice Rob walking back to his seat and I think that Rob he wen and told Father!

My pastor and he called me into the little room and asked to me to have a seat in the big red velvet chair. He asked how I was doing and told me I looked good and we chatted about chemo, eating and prayer. I finally just spilled that I was having a hard time with my wig- because I have a feeling he already knew. So he simply said to me "You know what- in the scheme of things Danielle the wig doesn't matter". Well how true is that. H E L L O Danielle- how quick I forget how lucky I am!!! He gave me a big hug and said they will continue to pray for me and that was that.

I went back to my seat and felt better.

I'm lucky to have Rob and my pastor. It was nice of Rob to talk to Father even though at first I thought I wanted to kill him. Rob knows me and he knew that Father would help me. I'm glad Rob feels comfortable talking to our pastor. I don't know what I would do with out these 2!

ADD 2 LARGE TINS OF ITALIAN PELATI, OR PREPEELED ROMA TOMATOESHALF A BUNCH OF FRESH BASIL, WASHED WHOLE LEAVESADD A LONG DRIZZLE OF VIRGIN OLIVE OILSIMMER ON LOW FOR 45 MINUTESTURN OFF AND LET REST AT LEAST 15MINUTE

SERVE OVER 1 BOX OF PASTA BARELY AL DENTE (STILL A BIT OF SNAP AT THE CORE) WITH LOTS OF FRESH PARMESAN (MUST REGGIANO) AND THE OTHER HALF OF THE THE BASIL, WELL WASHED AND CUT WITH SCISSORS IN A CUP OR GLASS TO PREVENT BRUISING OR BLACKENING.
"SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF SAUCE, BUT THAT'S THE WAY MY MOTHER LIKED IT"

Favorite Kiss

Sweet Dreams Audrey

ps Leann - if you are reading this post the eye mask is on it's way to your house :)