Friday, September 18, 2009

To say I'm not a fan of the dentist is an understatement! But then again, who loves getting their teeth cleaned or drilled? Not me, I'm a wimp, but it's one of those things you just have to do and get it over with.

On my Monday visit, I noticed a definite change around my dentist's office. Gone was the perky hygienist who'd been cleaning my teeth the the past six years. Gone was the receptionist who always called the day before an appointment to reconfirm and gone with my happy, friendly dentist. In his place was a crabby guy who looked just like my regular dentist only this guy had a full-on attitude and a giant chip on his shoulder.

Apparently, the sagging economy has made it's way to the dental biz and he was not happy about picking up the slack. He'd laid off staff and was once again a "working stiff" doing the "grunt work". Yep, he actually said those words. It was early so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and thought perhaps he hadn't had his morning coffee yet.

Dentist went on to grouse about being "reduced" to cleaning my teeth and having to "lug around" the lead x-ray apron all by his lonesome. Let me tell you, there was a lot of moaning and groaning, huffing and puffing, and whining going on, and it was only 8:15 in the morning! I wanted to speed dial Starbucks for a delivery to shut him up.

The poor pitiful doc had to do his own charting too-- Which made me wondered where his pen had been before my oral exam because each time he picked it up to write, he then threw the pen back down on my chart and stuck his rubber-gloved hands into my mouth again. I'm guessing he does that with all his patients. It gave me pause and a couple of WTH? moments.

While he was digging around in my mouth for the cleaning, I squinted to read his framed diplomas hanging on the walls. He was so rough I figured it must have been quite a while since he'd taken a class in "gentle" cleaning. Low and behold he graduated in 1973; I'm sure he'd forgotten most of what he learned.

Doc Dentist has joked over the years that he "can't make any money off my mouth". I'm lucky to only have two cavities in my 51 year old teeth, but now, apparently, it wasn't a joke anymore. With his hands and a couple of instruments jammed in my mouth, my lips stretched wider than the Grand Canyon, exasperated, Doc asked if I'd recently had my teeth whitened, which I had-- at Brite Smile. That prompted a rant about how tough business was for him. Um, okay, but he doesn't offer Brite Smile.

Oblivious to my discomfort and squirming from his polishing drill jabbing my mouth, Doc then launched into a sales pitch for a $17 tube of whitening tooth paste. Yes, seventeen dollars and it was for a "travel size" tube! I scanned the room for a mirror to see if I wore a stupid face that day.

Doc was working it too-- non-stop-- brighter, whiter, fantastic, blah, blah, blah. I'm making hand gestures of "no thanks". He kept talking. I give him a thumbs down. The sales pitch continued. I try to make "no thanks" noises while he nearly drowns me with the water spray. Finally I close my eyes with my hands folded tightly together so as not to give him the middle finger salute.

At last I was allowed to rinse and he asked how many tubes of toothpaste I wanted. I ignore him. "How about some new sparkle mouthwash to go with it?" he asks! "I'll give you a good price."

Did I step into The Twilight Zone, Let's Make a Deal or the friggin nut house without realizing it? My dentist was hocking unnecessary stuff to beef up his sales? What's next-- Amway, Tupperware, Avon?

By now, my head is ready to poop off my shoulders and frankly, I'm none too please by the strong arm sales tactics. I wiped my mouth, dried my face and pulled bits of mystery stuff from my hair before I turn around and firmly, but politely, said no thank you. One. Last. Time. Then I walked out to the billing station.

The doc wrote up my $30 co-pay invoice himself and asked for CASH! When I gave him two twenty dollar bills he told me he didn't have any change. Huh? I offered a check or credit card. Nope, he only accepts cash now. So I folded my arms and said I'd give him twenty now and mail him a check for ten or HE could make change, but I was not leaving him forty bucks-- As if the extra ten dollars was a tip?!?!

Houston we have a problem. We both stood there with our arms folded in a stare down.

Tick, tick, tick....

He blinked first.... And actually pulled a wad of cash out of his pants pocket and handed me ten bucks!

As you might imagine, I did not get the usual free toothbrush and dental floss in the little plastic bag with smile faces on it. And I did not pre-book my next appointment in six months. Oh yeah, and he doesn't validate for parking anymore either.

62 comments:

Holy crap you have got to be kidding me! My brother in law is a dentist in Utah, probably to far of a commute? Seriously that had to be so uncomfortable...I would of ran for the door and never looked back. Wow!

It's really a bad sign when your head wants to "poop" off your shoulders, Joanna.

Gosh, you poor thing. I am truly your soul sistah when it comes to all things dental - and get this... my brother-in-law is one of the finest dentists in Jacksonville! Do I go see him every six months? Nope. Every year? Nope. Haven't been to him in ages. Ever since the four impacted wisdom teeth experience...

But in fairness to Doctor Bob, his practice is way on the other side of East Jabib (do you have any idea how huge Jacksonville is geographically?) and I have a sweet, young convenient dentist right here in Saint Johns County. Do I go every six months? Nope. Hehehe.

Anyway - your post had me squirming right along with you - and laughing my fanny off. A curmudgeonly-up-selling-marketing-genius dentist is pretty funny business, but not nearly as funny as YOU! And you're such a gifter writer, Joanna. I do love you so!

I agree with Beth - this guy has some real personal issues going on. Give him the benefit of the doubt and try him one more time perhaps. But no more! I am looking for a dentist too, though, I have to say. I don't like the rude way my new dentist speaks to his nurse. And the last time I saw my hygienist - just before I went to France - it cost me 5 times as much as the previous visit!! Good luck. :-)

I haven't been back to my dentist either. Last time I was there his WIFE was the receptionist, and the whole time I was in the waiting room she was "working the phones" trying to get patients to come in and fill some empty spots they had.

It was very off putting!! I can't believe your dentist will only take cash.

Wow! Do not return to him. I'm lucky that I have a family full of dentists. Every Thanksgiving, we all trek to the office for x-rays, cleaning and fillings. I have you beat in this category. I have zero cavities and my kids do too. Ha!!

What an experience!! I would never return there either!I just went to the dentist last month too, but it seems the economy is this work area is still booming in our country.When you have to wait an hour before getting into the chair.......that tells me there is no shortage on work!

"I scanned the room for a mirror to see if I wore a stupid face that day". That is a good one. Is that yours? Can I borrow that line? Hehheh, that is a good one. The whole story was written in your inimitable way: Classy, humorous, enlightening, with a tinge of regret.

That man our right lied to you about not having change. Your visit was so bad, I swear Jay Leno could have made it up. No doubt you left thinking..Did this really happen? Sounds like with that customer service, he won't be doing grunt work or any work very much longer. Word of mouth travels quickly.

Oh my gosh! I really hate going to the dentist. I have often been heard saying I'd rather have a baby than go to the dentist, who makes plenty of moola on this imperfect mouth. Truly the only person I want to hear grunting and moaning in the chair is ME. I figure if I'm paying I at least have the right!

The 'sample' tube of toothpaste he tried to sell was probably just that...a sample. He's probably sellin' the giveaway toothbrushes and floss too! Hope you are shopping for a new dentist.

I've had my share (and then some) of bad dentists in the past. I went to one when I was a teenager who wouldn't numb my mouth even after I told him I was in intense pain. "I'm not working anywhere near the nerve, it can't possibly hurt" was the response I got, and then he continued the oral torture. The man didn't know what he was doing and nearly ruined my teeth. I'm paying for it dearly now.

Funny you should have a post about this. Last month was both me and my hubby's six month cleaning appointment. I called them up a week early and told the friendly receptionist our economic plight (we've been going there for years) and wondered if they could give us a little break this time on the cost of the cleanings. I mean, really, for long time patients maybe somewhere between a 10 - 20% discount on a $120.00 cleaning. (We don't have dental insurance). NOPE!! No can do. Sorry. Needless to say, we canceled our appointments. We'll just be brushing, flossing, and gargling a bit more often for the next six months while we decide whether or not this dentist is worth going back to.

Egads! I would never go back there. The man sounds like he is going through some kind of mid-life crisis or something. The male dentists I know don't see women patients alone. Going to the dentist is bad enough...avoid one that makes your head want to "poop" off you shoulders.

Ouch! Sorry you had to be on the receiving end of that visit. I wonder if he is having a melt down. How old is he? On the bright side you have clean shiny teeth for 6 months. smile... Have a golden weekend my friend!! xoxo

PS thanks you for always brightening my days! I love how you write. Are you a writer by day?

OMG! That's un-freaking-believable!We just love our dentist, sorry you live so far away. He's so laid back, almost always wears jeans, and it's just him, his asst., receptionist, and a part-time woman that makes phone calls.Other than a ridiculous $175 toothbrush he somehow coerced me into buying several years ago (and never really got used beyond the novelty stage), he doesn't even charge for office visits.Hope you find someone new, and within the next 6 mos.!!

I'm thinking you are going to start to look for a new dentist? if he graduated in 1973 and didn't have enough of a stash to at least keep 1 employee on, it makes you wonder, doesn't it, about how he ran his business? Seems like he should have had a bit of a buffer built up to at least keep a part-time employee there to help run the office; he seems like a disaster ready to happen

I'm thinkin' if all those things he was doing that his assistants used to do were considered "grunt work" he wasn't a very pleasant person to work for. Probably didn't pay very well either, since it's all just grunt work. sheesh.

Great post. Makes me appreciate my own dentist who is so concerned that I might feel even a hint of pain.

Hi all, yep "your head "pooping" off your shoulders" is a term we use around here versus "popping". I don't know where it come from but we've been saying it for years! i guess it landed in this post out of habit.

Yikes! I'm so sorry! I love my dentist but I hate going to see him. Does that make sense? I doubt if you want to travel all the way to South Park to see mine so let your fingers do the walking. It's time you replace your Dentist! Good luck finding one with help/staff!

Another great post, girl. And I'm sure Mr. Dentist would have quite a bit to explain about his expenses, insurance companies, etc....but I'm betting keeping on just one hygienist would have saved him money in the long run!

Good luck finding a new dentist; I've been looking for 4 years here and still am not satisfied. Hmph.

holy ripoff artist batman. i cant believe he lied about the change. the whole episode blows my mind. i grew up with a dentist whose name was Dr Malice...no joke, his real name and he earned every sylable. lol. happy friday friend.

My dentist is young, just starting out - and a woman. She's very sweet and just plain glad to have a job. That's why I like her - and she's talented in the toothy sorta way, which is an added plus. However, let me say - I have had my share of a long list of sorry attitude dentists. It't taken me 45 years to find this girl. I'm keepin' her.

Ugh, thats awful! The crappy part is they've practically got you barricaded down to that chair so you can't really turn and run can you. I think thats why they put those bibs on ya and at the dr's they have you put on those gowns sometimes. Ha. I hope you're able to find a normal nice dentist soon.

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