I happened to be at the Mall of America -- still the greatest mall in America even though the inspirational poster store did go out of business -- this summer watching Transformers. And afterwards was kindly asked by the good folks of Intercept Research to respond to a survey. Now, I used to conduct telephone surveys over the phone so naturally I have a lot of pity for anyone doing this and always take the survey. Plus, if you do them in person you get paid, and there's little I wouldn't do for the compensation of half of my movie ticket (seriously, cut off my finger, drink butter, I'm a whore).

Then dashing all of my high minded ideals on the pure artistic intent of the film (Shia! You deserved a nomination!) the survey asked me to try and name and identify the various forms of product placement throughout the movie. And I did really poorly.

This however, I'm pretty sure is just blatant cross-referenced promotion disguised as front page news.

Nara Institute of Science and Technology in western Japan has implanted a tiny camera in a mouse's brain for memory study. In order to see how memory is formed, scientists at Nara Institute of Science and Technology have implanted a small semiconductor camera inside the hippocampus of a mouse's brain. In future scientists hope to apply to humans to treat illnesses. The camera is 3 mm (0.1 inch) long, 2.3 mm wide and 2.4 mm in depth. The researchers injected the mouse with a substance that lights up whenever there is brain activity. The camera then captures that light and the visuals come up on a screen.

Using Ergo Pet Feeders and INSTEON home control technology, creepy pet lovers can feed their precious animals and watch them eat from anywhere in the world.

If you can access your PC from a remote location, you can schedule feedings and instruct the camera to take photos during those times when you are not around to sit and watch your pet eat. You can even purchase an additional IR illuminator to watch the heart pounding action in total darkness. All of this creepy pet love can be yours for $298.99.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

So all else has failed. Its time to buy a franchise! While perhaps Quiznos is the most aggressive franchise marketeer, you want something... edgier, just a little bit more... cruel. Not Abu Ghraib cruel, just something that will show the world, I too can capitalize off of the frailty of the disempowered masses.

Sounds like you're ready to set up a Hermit Crab Kiosk! Here's how:

1) Buy A Kiosk. Or in industry speak, a Retail Merchandising Unit (RMU). Choose between you class act, traditional kiosk with fully enclosed counters, or your more self-contained, Interior RMU. Or if your feeling particularly adventurous and want to take it outside, opt for the Exterior RMU. There is truly a kiosk for every occasion.2)Buy bulk Hermit Crabs and Hermit Crab supplies.3) Put it all together.4)Watch your financial woes disappear!

Les Machines de l'ile de Nantes are gigantic mechanical animal vehicles currently on display in the French city of Nantes. While they just look like giant models, these things are fully functioning vehicles that people can ride in.

Chameleons evolved the ability to change colour so as to impress the opposite sex and their rivals, not to blend in to their surroundings.

The popular idea that they evolved to alter hues of their skin colour to be unobtrusive and avoid being eaten is overturned today: they are simply being flashy.

Different chameleon species are able to change different shades which can include pink, blue, red, orange, green, black, brown and yellow.

Now new study published in the journal PLoS Biology shows that the need to rapidly signal to other chameleons, and not the need to hide from predators, has driven the evolution of this colour change trait.

The research, conducted by Dr Devi Stuart-Fox at the University of Melbourne and Adnan Moussalli University of KwaZulu Natal, South Africa, shows that the dramatic colour changes of South African dwarf chameleons they studied are tailored to aggressively display to competitors and to seduce potential mates.

Monday, January 28, 2008

A team of Japanese boffins may have accidentally struck gold in the fight against global warming: they believe they have devised a way to neutralise the perilous belches of 1.5 billion cows.

Junichi Takahashi’s discovery could, he says, dramatically reduce the environmental damage caused by the world’s cattle herds, whose collective belching is thought to account for 5 per cent of all greenhouse gas emissions.

According to the team from Obihiro University of Agriculture, a few simple food additives, costing about 50p each day per cow, could remove virtually all methane from a herd’s daily output of greenhouse gas-enriched belches.

Methane is about 22 times more potent than carbon dioxide at capturing atmospheric heat. Cows produce astonishing quantities of methane gas as the bacteria in their stomachs breaks down plant fibres. Their near-constant cud-chewing allows a small quantity of the gas to escape with nearly every breath each animal takes.

The industry is thought to be worth over $10 billion per year, with smugglers able to charge exorbitant prices for exotic animals. Many of the creatures die in transit, further reducing the numbers of what are frequently endangered animals.

This photo is of a bird smuggler captured by U.S. Customs officials!

But while this is one of the more serious environmental problems, the animal smugglers themselves can often be great for a laugh. Though an unfortunately large amount of animal smugglers are never caught, the ones who do get themselves deservedly arrested generally manage to do so in some spectacularly funny ways.

“I have monkeys in my pants”

Those immortal words were spoken by Robert Cusack in 2004 after one of the more spectacular busts in smuggling history. Cusack only mentioned the baby animals in his trousers after he was fairly sure his cover was blown. Customs officials were tipped off to the fact he was smuggling animals after several of his cargo escaped his suitcase in Los Angeles. It probably didn’t help that the escaped cargo was four birds of paradise, one of the most colourful rainforest animals in the world, which then flew around above the heads of customs officials. Further questioning revealed the cleverly concealed primates, as well as illegally imported orchids in his luggage. His travelling partner was later arrested for importing leopards in his backpack, although his partner proved himself the brains of the operation by not letting the leopards loose in front of authorities. The monkeys are now thriving at a local zoo, although the birds, sadly, died after their ordeal.

Sharpshooters will take to the trees next week in northern New Jersey's South Mountain Reservation to deal with a problem that has become the scourge of many suburban communities: too many deer.

Proponents of the 10-day hunt say the number of white-tailed deer must be reduced because they destroy vegetation, pose a hazard for motorists and spread Lyme disease, which is carried by ticks on the deer.

"What we're doing on Tuesday is not something that I want to do. It is something that we have to do," said Essex County Executive Joseph N. DiVincenzo Jr., speaking to reporters and protesters Friday. "We just have too many deer on our property."

The state Department of Environmental Protection and leaders of the four municipalities around the reservation have signed off on the hunt. But animal rights activists have criticized it; they prefer a nonlethal alternative such as contraceptives. And some residents worry the shooting will be too close to homes and businesses.

At a contentious news conference Friday, DiVincenzo and proponents of the hunt laid out the reasons for it and how it would be conducted. Hunt opponents held signs calling for the protection of the animals.

At one point, as a consultant hired by the county described how hunters could shoot young deer, a protester called out, "We call them Bambi!"

The hunt in the 2,000-acre reservation, a picturesque area of woodlands, streams and trails, with views of New York City, is scheduled to start Jan. 29 and continue every Tuesday and Thursday through Feb. 28. A team of 15 volunteer hunters who've gone through a special training course will be allowed to shoot deer from perches in trees.

In preparation for the hunt, corn has already been laid at areas near the tree perches as bait.

Meerkat "mating is a little rough", but we've already done enough on the S&M tendencies of the animal kingdom. Much more unique to the meerkat are the social structures that shape their reproductive habits. The "game" if you will.

Much like Bloods on the streets of Bed-Stuy, meerkats live in gangs to better survive their harsh desert climate. Unlike the Bloods (or probably the Crips for that matter) these gangs are highly matriarchal.

"Meerkats try, but do not usually mate for life". (sidenote: HA!)

Kits are raised communally and since a gang can't support more than one litter at a time, only the alpha female bears children. In fact to ensure that none of the other tricky bitches try and stage a hostile coup when she's weak with child, she (temporarily) kicks them out of the gang entirely. During this time, these outcasts will frequently become impregnated by males from other gangs. These pregnancies are often aborted.

Thank goodness WCBS 880 updated its story about a stray cat who was seen in NJ with a bottle stuck on its head. Raritan Township Animal Control and ASPCA helped save the cat!

The cat had been without water or food for at least 10 days, because it was first seen with the bottle on its head on New Year's Eve. The cat was "near death" when it was rescued; the rescue took so long because it kept running away in fear. Now doctors expect it to make a speedy recovery and the Hunterdon ASPCA will be handling adoption inquiries.

One cat owner is hoping that her kitten will turn up after escaping at the 59th Street uptown 6 platform earlier this week. Ashely Phillips had just gotten black kitteh Georgia (pictured) spayed at the Humane Society when the feline somehow escaped her carrier "and just took off."

Phillips told the Daily News a train was pulling in when Georgia "jumped onto the tracks": "I'm hoping she's down there somewhere and she's okay...but I'm also realistic about her chances." The transit workers and police officers tried to help Phillips find the cat, but they were unsuccessful. The MTA said transit workers would walk the tracks as well. The News adds if you see the kitten "she's all black, very small, and likely very scared and hungry."

We are hoping for the best. If a cat can survive ten days with a bottle on its head, a cat might be able to survive the subways...right?

Friday, January 25, 2008

Sometimes you close the bar drinking too much Bud Light -- seriously, any Bud Light is too much Bud Light, I was so not in charge of that decision. And then you wake up in the "morning" and realize, "Eggs! Scrambled with spinach and mushrooms, that is exactly what I need" (normally you would realize, "Spliff, stat!" but you smoked a lot last night).

And then you look at your case of Jack's Eggs* (fresh from Long Island) and realize, "hey, that eggs kind of pointy. Why is this one textured? These shells look really thin. Oh my god, this carton is 80% empty, I probably already have cancer."

And then you look up all the reasons why you should be eating organic eggs (animal rights! lower cholesterol!) and realize your probably going to keep abiding by the convenience of modern food distribution infrastructures and be getting bodega eggs for the rest of your life.

*Interestingly the primary search result for Jack's Eggs brings you to Jack Eggs - Eggzajerations Page a gallery of photoshopped female body builders. I guess the girl who writes for the internet's foremost integration of animals and sex should not question what other people deem "important enough for the internet". But I'm going to anyway.

A new study by the nation's largest pet insurance provider has revealed Intervertabral Disc Disease to be the most costly condition to treat in dogs, and Foreign Body Ingestion to be the most expensive in cats. Other costly treatments include Lung Cancer and Cataracts.

Veterinary Pet Insurance (VPI), the nation's oldest and largest provider of pet health insurance, recently analyzed medical claims submitted in 2007 to find the most expensive insured conditions commonly suffered by dogs and cats. VPI ranked conditions based on the average fees attached to common claims from among its more than 460,000 pets insured nationwide.

The data revealed that the costliest conditions affected pets of all ages and breeds and often required diagnostic tests and emergency surgery. Average claimed fees for the priciest conditions ranged from $500 to nearly $3,000. In dogs, Intervertabral Disc Disease (Average fee: $2,844), Lung Cancer (Average fee: $2,032) and Gastric Torsion (Average fee: $1,955) were the most costly conditions, with Foreign Body Ingestion, Cruciate Rupture and Cataracts coming close behind.

A dolphin kills a harbour porpoise in Scotland. It appears that beneath the friendly exterior of a dolphin beats the heart of a violent killer.

Dolphins are brutally attacking other sea mammals and even their own young, killing them with prolonged beatings staged with clinical precision, but biologists are unable to determine a reason why.

The murderous behaviour has been spotted in only two places, Scotland and Virginia. In 1997, scientists began finding the badly beaten corpses of young dolphins washing up on Virginia’s beaches at the same time as harbour porpoises in Scotland were washing up with similar injuries. At first the deaths were blamed on oil rigs or navy ships causing sonic trauma, but it soon became apparent the injuries were too severe to be anything other than an attack. Then they found an unexpected bit of evidence, dolphin teeth marks. And in 2004, Scottish researchers found a dead porpoise with cuts and puncture wounds that could have only been caused by a bottle-nosed dolphin.

A big question is whether kissing is learned or instinctual. Some say it is a learned behavior, dating back to the days of our early human ancestors. Back then, mothers may have chewed food and passed it from their mouths into those of their toothless infants. Even after babies cut their teeth, mothers would continue to press their lips against their toddlers’ cheeks to comfort them.

Anthropology doesn’t offer clear answer to the question, whether kissing is learned or instinctive. Yet many primates kiss in their own ways. Bonobos (Congo Chimpanzees or so called Pygmy Chimpanzees) use kissing to soothing tension among them. On the other hand many Eastern Asian cultures have traditionally found kissing repulsive practice.

Just as there are myriad strategies open to the human political animal with White House ambitions, so there are a number of nonhuman animals that behave like textbook politicians. Researchers who study highly gregarious and relatively brainy species like rhesus monkeys, baboons, dolphins, sperm whales, elephants and wolves have lately uncovered evidence that the creatures engage in extraordinarily sophisticated forms of politicking, often across large and far-flung social networks.

Male dolphins, for example, organize themselves into at least three nested tiers of friends and accomplices, said Richard C. Connor of the University of Massachusetts at Dartmouth, rather like the way human societies are constructed of small kin groups allied into larger tribes allied into still larger nation-states. The dolphins maintain their alliances through elaborately synchronized twists, leaps and spins like Blue Angel pilots blazing their acrobatic fraternity on high.

Among elephants, it is the females who are the born politicians, cultivating robust and lifelong social ties with at least 100 other elephants, a task made easier by their power to communicate infrasonically across miles of savanna floor. Wolves, it seems, leaven their otherwise strongly hierarchical society with occasional displays of populist umbrage, and if a pack leader proves a too-snappish tyrant, subordinate wolves will collude to overthrow the top cur.

Three decades after it was brought back from the brink of extinction, the rare Indian crocodile known as the gharial is turning up dead by the dozens on the banks of a river called the Chambal. Forest officials are at a loss to explain why.

Since mid-December, the National Chambal Wildlife Sanctuary has confirmed 76 deaths along the river, which begins in the central Indian state of Madhya Pradesh and runs through Rajasthan and Uttar Pradesh.

Gadiraju Sudhakar, a Chambal district forest officer, said the initial post-mortem reports suggested the cause of death to be liver cirrhosis and stomach ulcers. Further tests show lead levels in the liver that “though not toxic, can trigger suppression of the immune system,” Mr. Sudhakar added. All the more puzzling, other species that inhabit the Chambal River ecosystem, including dozens of fish species on which the gharials feed, appear to be healthy.

Follow-up tests on the fish also revealed heightened lead content. But in both the fish and the gharials, the lead levels are below levels considered lethal, the forest official said. Environmentalists are pressing forest officials for answers on the source of the lead and why the crocodiles died while their prey were unaffected.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Welcome the newest manipulator to the media landscape. His name is Charlie and he stars in a blog. Here's the premise: orphaned coyote pup taken in by hot Wyoming free-spirit/nature girl (and her cat!). Exploits ensue!

All I know though, coyotes don't stay tame for long. As with any other hot young star, the coke addiction is just a cooties ridden night with Lindsay away...

In January Florida's new exotic pet laws come into force. A $100 permit fee and state wildlife agency inspections should be expected for owners of the more exotic reptiles such as Nile monitors. State legislators estimate there could be anywhere from 3,000 to 5,000 animals affected.

The new laws regulate the possession of six reptile species labeled as "reptiles of concern". Owners are required to have microchips implanted into their pets for identification purposes. Because many exotic reptile species can freely adapt to the local Florida environment, wild breeding populations can freely arise - causing problems for native wildlife. A breeding population of pythons has been found in Everglades National Park and the Nile monitors have established territory in Cape Coral on Florida's West coast.

A study by the University of Exeter has highlighted the problems of reintroducing animals to the wild for conservation projects. Published online in the journal Biological Conservation, the research highlights the low survival rates of captive carnivores that are released into their natural habitats. On average only one in three captive-born carnivores survives in the wild, with most deaths correlation to human activities.

Recent high-profile conservation projects have involved reintroducing wolves into the Scottish Highlands, bringing red kites back to England and reintroducing golden lion tamarins to Brazil. Most of these animals were born in captivity, with zoos playing a major role in such projects, while other schemes involve moving wild animals to new areas.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

What our eyes look at is guided by brain mechanisms that pick out some portions of a scene over others. Since keeping an eye on predators and prey was important during our evolution, Joshua New and colleagues investigated whether animals, both human and otherwise, are more likely to grab our visual attention. The researchers showed subjects pairs of photographs of natural scenes in rapid alternation, with the second photograph including a single change. As predicted, subjects were faster and more accurate detecting changes involving animals than inanimate objects. If experience were producing this bias, then people should also be good at detecting changes involving automobiles, which as drivers and pedestrians they have been trained all their lives to monitor for sudden, life-or-death changes in trajectory. Yet subjects were much slower in detecting changes to vehicles than to more rarely experienced animal species, indicating that learning is not the source of this difference. The bias for animals, the authors conclude, is like the appendix: present in modern humans because it was useful for our ancestors, even if useless now.

On last night's episode of Girls Next Door, Hugh Hefner's number two, Bridget Marquardt, devoted her week to getting toy spaniel Wenny a manager. And boy, was it hard! In just under five minutes (roughly the amount of time it takes to get Hef out of the tub), Wenny was signed to do "runway fashion, commercials and feature films." And we're sure the mutt's quick deal had nothing whatsoever to do with greasy-haired "agent" Nick's inability to stop sweating and smiling like a schoolboy in Bridge's buxom presence.

After telling her what he looks for in his clients ("a) potential, b) looks...and the owner's interest level"), he attempts a joke by saying he's required to do an inspection of the dog's residence. In this case, the Playboy Mansion. Smart as a whip, Bridget actually agrees to the sleazy come-on seconds before he pulls out the "Just Kidding" card. Oh Nick. When will guys in LA learn that girls on reality television will pretty much say yes to anything?

There are no real winners in Africa’s many tribal and political conflicts and the list of losers keeps growing.

Animal conservation groups say they have found a link between the decline of African wildlife, much of it threatened or endangered, and refugee camps. It appears that a thriving black market in illegally caught meat has grown up in the camps due to the lack of animal protein provided by the international aid organizations that provide food for the camps.

Traffic, an organization that monitors the trade in wildlife, has found that bush meat is widely sold, cooked, and eaten in Tanzanian refugee camps. The animals affected are thought to include buffalo, chimps, and zebras.

Monday, January 21, 2008

I don't know how i feel about this!To quote Stewie from Family Guy: "I never knew Biscuit as a dog... but i did know her has a table."

Pet preservation, also known as freeze drying, is the comforting alternative to your pet's burialor cremation. Take time to consider all of your options, because only you can decide what isbest for you and your pet.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

The pet obsession in Japan continues to reach epic levels of absurdity. The latest example of this trend comes from the creators of the Cool&Hot comfort pad for dogs. As the name indicates, the pad allows your pooch to enjoy soothing cool temperatures in the summer and warm pulses of heat in the winter. This device might not be considered so crazy if it wasn't for the price: a cool 18,500 yen ($173). For those prices it's just a matter of time before we see the first K-9 latté drinks rolled out.