For Bellator 59's Kurt Pellegrino, sitting on the couch not part of his vision quest

There’s a reason Kurt Pellegrino (16-6 MMA, 0-0 BFC) reversed his decision to retire and signed with Bellator.

Well, there’s several reasons, really. But it’s all rooted in a deep love of suffering, or just not knowing anything different.

For Pellegrino, his time on the mats shaped who he was – a stubborn, bullheaded competitor who can’t quit.

“Wrestling made me who I am today,” he said. “I’m 32-years-old and I’ve been on a diet since I was 12. I retired, and then I said, ‘You can’t take the stripes off a tiger that fast,’ so here I am fighting again.

“If it wasn’t for wrestling I wouldn’t be talking to you right now. I’d be working a regular job, no doubt about it.”

Pellegrino actually tried to work a job after back-to-back losses in the UFC forced his exit from the promotion. Or at least it was as close to real work as possible – running his gym in Belmar, N.J., just a stone’s throw away from where he’s scheduled to fight Patricky Freire (9-2 MMA, 2-1 BFC) at Bellator 59, which takes place Saturday at Caesar’s Atlantic City in Atlantic City, N.J. Main-card action airs live on MTV2 while prelims stream on Spike.com.

The only problem with that was that whenever he strapped on the gloves in the gym, he did well enough by his own account that it made him wonder why he made the decision to quit in the first place.

“I thought I sucked,” Pellegrino said. “I thought I wasn’t good. But since I retired I’ve been beating guys up and I can’t see how I can lose right now. If I am going to end my career and retire, it has to end how I want it, and I don’t want to retire. I am doing this on my own terms.”

That’s exactly the way it happened in the filmic love letter to wrestling known as “Vision Quest.” It wasn’t as if Matthew Modine’s character just gave up on his wish to win the state championship. And really, if you’re going to do anything, you might as well do it right and use a cult classic from the 80s to inform your life choices.

“I’m getting into this sport because the vision quest I’ve always had for myself ended with me being on top,” Pellegrino said. “I have to know if I have something left or if it’s over, and I don’t believe it’s over. I had a serious leg injury in my last two fights before I retired and that’s how I want to be remembered.

“If I lose, I want to know I was 100 percent, and I’m definitely 100 percent going into this fight with Patricky. I can’t end my vision quest knowing in the back of my mind that if my knee wasn’t hurt and I hadn’t taken a year off, then I would have beat those guys. I need to prove it to myself and beat the crap out of Patricky. When I’m healthy, I don’t feel like there’s anyone that can beat me.”

Besides, if he stayed inactive for much longer, he probably would have become even more of an intolerable nuisance to his family.

“It drove me nuts sitting on the couch and not having my hand raised recently,” he said. “I’ve been having dreams of getting my hand raised and it’s been making me insane, so I’m just going to make those dreams a reality.”

At the moment, Freire stands in the way of Pellegrino’s dreams, and vice versa. The Brazilian made a huge splash in the Bellator season-four lightweight tournament with knockout wins over Rob McCullough and Toby Imada. Then he ran headlong into current champ Michael Chandler, and he was forced back to the drawing board.

The winner of Saturday’s bout could very well secure a ticket to the season-six lightweight tournament. Winning the eight-man competition would undoubtedly be a crowning achievement to Pellegrino, so he’s putting a lot of pressure on himself to perform.

“I have no excuses in this fight with Patricky,” he said. “I believe in my heart that I am going to walk right through Patricky. I already see my hand being raised. I’ve been visualizing it and dreaming about it. There’s no way I’m losing this fight. Everyone says it, but it’s all about proving it on fight day, and I can’t wait to get out there and prove it.

“I have 15 minutes, and Patricky “Pitbull” is not better than me in that 15 minutes. I’m looking at this fight like I have 15 minutes for the rest of my life. Is he that good to where he can stop me in these 15 minutes and take away everything I’ve worked so hard for? I don’t think so.”

Pellegrino has experienced just as many downs as ups in completing his vision quest. He could have given up when the UFC gave him his walking papers. Actually, he did. But after spending time with his family and more than his fair share of his time at half-speed, he’s found it just doesn’t suit him.

You might say he’s just delaying the inevitable, but isn’t that what we all do when we pick ourselves up after a particularly stinging setback?

And if you’ve been wrestling for two decades, is there any question about how many times you’ll pick yourself up?

“I am fighting for me,” Pellegrino said. “I’m fighting to prove to myself that a 32-year-old guy still has it.”

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