Emergency water redistribution scheme uses urinals

The newly announced Minister for Floods, Jeremy Hunt, has introduced new emergency short-term measures to reduce flooding in critical areas of the country. "The problem is," says the minister, "water tends to hang around in areas where the ground and drains are already saturated and overloaded. People living in areas prone to flooding should do everything possible to make sure that any water they discharge is in an area of the country where flooding is not a danger." He recommends drinking as much water as possible in the flooded area, and then travelling to a non-flooded part of the country before urinating. Experts at the Hydrology Research Institute at Wallingford, estimate that, if only 10% of those in flooded areas follow this advice, each drinking two litres of water before their journey, then water levels in the flooded region will drop by up to two feet. Those with prostate problems are urged to see their GP before participating in this scheme. The Sun, in a headline PISS IT TO THE FROGS urges those living close to Eurostar terminals to travel to France before relieving themselves in a convenient pissoir.