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Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Twitarded in the Park - Part Deux

Since Snarkier Than You and I have managed for the most part to bumble our way through bloggy world, we've decided to expand our list of things we do half-assed and ordered a video camera to add a little... 'motion' to Twitarded.

Unfortunately our timing sucks (as usual - what a shocker!) and we had to borrow a friend's camera last week to take with us on our little whiskey-fueled adventure into Central Park. I figured this would be a piece of cake. I mean, the video camera has one button. One! How hard can this shizz be? You just pushy the button and wham! we can record all our tom-fuckery for the world to see (and by "world" I really mean Twiworld and can only hope that no one at our respective offices ever sees this shit).

It quickly became apparent that it takes more than pressing 'On' and holding up our new-fangled device to make a good movie.

Down-side: We clearly don't have mad movie making skillz. Up-side: We cracked each other up anytime the camera was rolling (or whatever it is that cameras actually do these days).

As I watched the footage from our Twilight in the Park adventure, I realized that STY and I have vastly different movie making chops. STY, for example, takes the Speedy Fucking Gonazlez approach and her footage whips you around into an acid flashback frenzy until you find yourself lying on the floor trying to figure out which way is up.

Oh, and she kept videoing my tits. Pervy, she is (And I just channeled my inner Yoda, I did).

My approach is a more like a slow, erratic, palsied jaunt. I either need to lay off the caffeine or get a tripod because my footage bobbed, weaved, heaved, and trembled until I was about to barf into my Lean Cuisine during the re-watch. I actually had to close my eyes and count to ten to stop myself from hurling.

Combined, we're like the Blair Witch Project but without all the sobbing, begging, and snot shots. Fine, fine - there might be some sobbing and begging, but it's more like us laughing hysterically and begging to turn that effing camera off, already!

That being said, we did manage to get a few clips that we think you'll find amusing. Of course, since I'm clearly incapable of keeping my yap shut for more than a half second, this footage includes, ahem, our "commentary." And a lot of giggling [Note from STY: you giggle, I snort. I admit it]. I'm not sure how the people sitting around us didn't kick our asses. It probably had something to do with the fact that while the crowd (which was substantially larger than it appears in the footage we shot) was very respectful, there was a lot of whispering, tittering, and occasional outbursts of clapping and "Whoots!"

Or maybe it was the Twitarded sign, the lingering scent of whiskey and STY's stink eye, cuz' that bitch can give some amazing dirty looks.

First of all, the only reason this picture is reasonably stable was because I was resting the cameras on my knees. Unfortunately, I was also wearing a dress which meant, if the girls in front of us decided to turn around [and it was dark out but it wasn't pitch black], they would most definitely would have gotten an eyeful of the Jerkface va-jay-jay. Hey, we risk everything to bring you this shit, ya' know?

See above for reason why footage was relatively stable.

Not sure if we mentioned this but there was a big ass sign that proclaimed 'no booze, no cameras, no video cameras' at the entrance of the theater, which is why I mention people tackling me or something. In general STY and I view 'rules' more as 'suggestions' we should maybe take into consideration and draw our own conclusions, rather than hard, fast laws. Thus, the booze and film clips.

As we've said before, we had a blast last week and the only thing that would have made it better would have been if you all were there!

I was fucking dying at the vampiscle comments... sparkle peen... holy shit! Now all we need are some "do you best bella" vids and we'll be good to go! Looks like a great time! Wish I was there... and no, you wouldn't have had enough bail money!! LOL!

In Video two, I definately hear a snort and snorts can only mean that you two were having too good of a time. Plus I head that "Oh yeah Jasper" too! Love it. Next time I want the camera on you both cuz I know you guys were shaken your booties to the whack a mole song. :O and yes, @LW, we need a Bella off on Video!

@ JJ - My work here is done. I think it's hil-ar-ious! I only wish Bella had a cool dance like Jagger does, but she can't even fucking dance so I guess you could just trip over yourself and gasp and flutter your eyelids.

You guys are right, we need to have a "Bella Off." Then we'd easily recognize each other IRL by all the twitching and stuttering...not to mention our awesome Twitarded Hoodies!

No fucking joke...last night I was almost asleep and my DH nudged me and said, "Hey. Do your best Jagger." So I did my terrible impersonation of an impersonation and he said, "I don't think that was your best." I told him to fuck off.

A friend attempted his best Jagger at a wedding last weekend and was immediately asked by the bride's grandmother if he was "doing the funky chicken." I almost died. We're going to another wedding this weekend and I will definitely be requesting a repeat performance.

P.S. Enough with the weddings. I will pay my next friend who gets engaged to elope.

i was watching the vampball scene when my boss walked in so i panicked and switched it off! as soon as he went away i opened my browser to finish the vid, and typed in "twitarded.blackhole.com" because i had the bloody song in my head still hahahah.

i wonder if they do movies in the park in Australia. they probably do. but the chances of them showing twilight or dim hahah

I simply love your rules as 'suggestions" part ....boy a girl after my own heart ..I wish I could had been there thank you for making us a little part of it all ...as always love this blog, I find myself laughing and anytime that happens it is great ...

ohhhh man. i have never heard someone say 'squee' out loud. until just now. this made me laugh so much, but also a little sad i don't have a twitarded BFF. i am alone in the twilight closet. sigh. however, i was drinking wine out of a plastic cup as i watched the vids and when the snort occurred, for a brief moment, i felt very close to you girls. (i'm a snorter, too. not a stalker, i promise. :) )

Ok, I got it! Twitarded Convention in Las Vegas. It'll be like the Hangover (the fucken best movie in the entire world) and you can film the havoc and bring it to sundance as a documentary! Doesn't that sound like a way to get all the twitards together?

Where IS the vampsicle when you need it?? You girls are the funniest twi-chez evah! This is my first comment on your blog although I've been reading it for about a month now (yeah I'm newly recruited into the twitarded fold). It's one of the obsessions I develop when I have to do something really really important and need some serious procrastinating excuses. And I gotta say I don't think it can get any better than Rob Pattinson. So if I never finish writing my fucking thesis can I come and get drunky with you guys?

And I don't think I ever said "squeee!" out loud before last weekend but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Somehow saying it softly-ish seemed like a better idea than letting a full-on girly squeal rip - it was pretty quiet there in the crowd, for the most part! Probably a lot of folks passed on this night because of the weather, so all the Twihards who attended were not the type to make a ruckus. OK, we made a tiny ruckus. Not too obnoxious...

When the finally get the Rocky Horror version of Twilight ironed out you KNOW Bella saying "Vampire" is going to be spoken outload by the audience..I also think the vampsicle and Edwards mountain top sparkfest should be Twitarded's contribution...Imagine...whisper "vampire" and then whip the vampsicle from your purse and shine a flashlight on it.

Thanks for the "super massive whack a mole line...I now have that in my head!!

I may have to take up swilling down copious amounts of alcohol to prep for Las Vegas...

Holy shit how insane would it be to have an outdoor movie viewing with a bunch of twitards. There would be so much hooting and hollering! We could have an open bar instead of a popcorn stand, lol.

Okay - So, you know the part when Edward says 'you have asked the most basic question blah blah. What do we eat?' I literally had to bite my tongue because I wanted to yell out 'CHEEZEBURGER'!! so badly.

First time commenting; love the blog!I busted up with this post and the videos were crack-a-licious, but I want to know why noone has mentioned the dubbing on the screen. "BELLA GASPS QUIETLY", "BREATH TREMBLING", "BELLA PANTING" I have never watched a dubbed movie before (I'm not cool like that), but is it normal to SCREAM emotions and actions at the viewer like that? Do they have to scream to get over the stuttering...and thank god they didn't dub the eye-fluttering! Did they "show" things with any other character, or was it just Bella that needed the extra commentary?Anywho...I am not as snarky or jerky (or cool) as you two are, but I still wanted to comment.Love your show...Thanks, LRB

Looks like you guys had so much fun! Super jealous! If I ever find myself in your neck of the woods we are totally going to have to hang out:) Vampsicle and sparkle peen have now been entered into my vocabulary:) You guys are my heros:)

@ THparkle - How about a “Super Massive Sparkle Pole” instead of a “Teeny Weeny Sparkle Peeny?” Who do I need to contact?

@ lostrosbrown – I always watch movies with captions on, I’ve got 3 kids that I can’t hear over. I’ve also noticed the captions give all of Bella’s emotions. It does help to avoid confusion since it’s hard to tell what the hell she’s doing with all the twitching and stuttering! Also, when Edward gets out of the car and growls at the bad guys attacking Bella in Port Angeles, it says “Deep Growling.” I didn’t know he was growling before I read it! I just thought it was background noise! LOL

Vegas, Vegas, Vegas! What an excellent idea--relatively inexpensive for all across the country yes? Hmmmmmm. I can't imagine explaining it to my husband "Honey, I am going to Vegas to hang out with my fellow Twitards." Ha!

Loved the "Squeee!" and the "Sparkle Peen" comment. Where was mini E? Probably too dark to get him in on the action. I was envisioning silhouette photos of him with the movie in the background. You totally should have said "Cheezeburgers"!

@ LKW - I just pissed in my pants I laughed so hard! Did you call your client that, or just use it in reference? LOL Thank you - you made my day. Sounds like yours was better today? I'll check your blog next.

@ JJ & STY - I need another favorite word! Although I REALLY like Twat Waffle!

Where IS the vampsicle when you need it?? You girls are the funniest twi-chez evah! This is my first comment on your blog although I've been reading it for about a month now (yeah I'm newly recruited into the twitarded fold). It's one of the obsessions I develop when I have to do something really really important and need some serious procrastinating excuses. And I gotta say I don't think it can get any better than Rob Pattinson. So if I never finish writing my fucking thesis can I come and get drunky with you guys?

In Video two, I definately hear a snort and snorts can only mean that you two were having too good of a time. Plus I head that "Oh yeah Jasper" too! Love it. Next time I want the camera on you both cuz I know you guys were shaken your booties to the whack a mole song. :O and yes, @LW, we need a Bella off on Video!

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