(Closed) disappointed in my BM and her hubby

OK this is kind of epic but I will just try to hit the main points: my BM and her hubs and I are really close but they live in the midwest so I don’t get to see them that often, they don’t have a lot of $$$ cause he’s in school and she’s about to go back to school, I bought her BM dress and shoes for her cause I know she’s pretty broke and I wanted her to be able to come to the bachelorette party (her share of which is being essentially paid for by other people), she told me she was coming to the bachelorette and then backed out in an email using school/money as an excuse.

OK, fine. I was upset she wouldn’t be able to come but I understood. THEN I find out that she was just in NY with her hubs for a friend of ours’ wedding. That mutual friend had a small wedding which is why I wasn’t invited, but in all this back and forth about the bachelorette, she never once mentioned she was going to NY for this wedding. It was all these excuses and they just conveniently forgot to mention it. I see why, but I’m still disappointed in them. I feel like they really should be adults and give me more credit than that. I wouldn’t be mad at them for having to make that choice, but the fact that they concealed it from me (I found out via a friend’s pcs on Facebook – of course) really pisses me off. So whereas I would have understood and been fine with the situation if they had been honest with me, now I’m kind of really pissed off.

I tried to summarize that but now I feel it doesn’t mkae sense feel free to ask for clarification. Bottom line: she’s a really close friend and she shouldn’t feel the need to lie/conceal shit from me and I’m pissed off about it and I’m kind of over her right now.

Yeah, exactly. It’s not at all the fact that she can’t come to the bachelorette and she made it to NY for our friend’s wedding. It’s the fact that she/they pulled their typically shady routine where they just conceal the real truth in favor of other things they feel will elicit more sympathy from people. It upsets me most that they think that I couldn’t handle the truth and would be mad at them for going to our friend’s wedding! I mean, seriously? I’m not 5 years old. They are VERY close with the other couple and while I am friends with them as well, I’m certainly not AS close. I was at no point bitter about not being invited to the small wedding (where some other people definitely were). I just feel like they treated me the way they treat a lot of other people and I thought we were closer than that.

JUST BE HONEST WITH ME. grrrr. And now I feel like I can’t say anything to her about it or maybe I just don’t even want to because it won’t accomplish anything.

I’m sorry. 🙁 That kind of stuff is so frustrating. But she probably felt guilty and didn’t know how to tell you, so she just avoided. You’ll be happier if you can forgive her… will it help you to talk to her about it?

I hate friends who cannot just say how they feel. It is very irritating and frustrating because it makes you loose trust in your friends. I understand why you are annoyed and I would be too. Maybe she didn’t want to tell you she was going to NY because she didn’t want you to be pissed that she is paying for a flight to Ny but you are still paying for her dress for the wedding. Maybe she thought you would question her on how she could afford the trip out?? Not saying you would, but could that be why she neglected to tell you?

But what if the other couple specifically asked them not to mention it? I mean, I’ve told friends of mine not to talk about my wedding around certian mutual friends who aren’t invited. It may not be that your BM thought you couldn’t handle it, but that the other couple was feeling self conscious about how many people they had to leave off their invite list… I wouldn’t read too much into it.

@greenleafmountain – That’s possible but I’ve talked to the bride and groom of the smaller wedding about their wedding a lot. They know I know they were doing a small thing, and they are having a big party in May for the people they couldn’t invite to the actual wedding (including me and my FI) but it’s in L.A. (where they are from) and I can’t afford to make it out there right now.

Totally feel you. I would be really pissed and hurt… feeling all sorts of emotions. Like why if we’re such good friend you don’t trust me to understand? Did she think you’d be mad? I mean, what would be the point of concealing it? Did she think you’d be hurt you weren’t invited to the wedding and they were? Either way, you’re right– you’re adults and I’m sure you could have handled the truth. If it were me, I’d have to talk to her about it but not until I wasn’t mad anymore and moved into the emotion of hurt. I would have to get off my chest that I was hurt she couldn’t tell me and what was the point? Did she think you’d be mad? Any rate– so sorry you have to deal with that.