Lived Experience

This
year thousands of people came to participate in the NAMIWALK Massachusetts at
Artesani Park in Boston to raise their voice in opposition to stigma and the
resulting discrimination toward people living with mental illness.
And, he walked again, The Last Walker.

My
job, as a member of the volunteer safety team, is to drive one of the safety
cars that circles the walk route looking for walkers who may be having
difficulty and need assistance. For the past three years, I
see him after most of the walkers have completed the Walk.
Regardless of the weather, dressed in a heavy black coat and dark hat, he meanders
along the walk route. An older man, he shuffles rather than
walks, occasionally totters as if he will fall, then recovers and moves slowly
forward.

Occasionally,
he will stop, drink from a plastic bottle of water, return the bottle to his
coat pocket, look to and fro, as if confused, regain composure, and return to
his journey. He starts the Walk with others but is soon abandoned by his
colleagues. He moves too slowly for their passion and
enthusiasm. He is always the last walker to cross the finish
line. No one cheers him on. No one congratulates
him.

Each
year I stop the safety car near his route and ask, “Can I help
you?” He always smiles and waves me off. But for some
reason I am not satisfied. I ask again, “Can I help you?”
The second response is always an exaggerated, irritated wave off.
Why is it that I am so insistent on helping this person who obviously does not
need or want my help? Am I trying to help him or am I trying to
help myself?

Why
is it that he walks alone? Is it because he is different from
most? The walk is not timed. Isn’t there one person who
would want to share his victory with him? Why don’t we have the
patience to wait for every walker to finish the walk?

We
can learn from him: Everyone should have the opportunity to fail.
Capacity may be inversely related to courage. We have not eliminated
discrimination at NAMI. To win may not be as important as to achieve.

The
Walk is a victory for all who participate. Maybe next year I
will get out of the safety car, walk with him, and share his victory.