IN THIS ISSUE: Oh joy, feedback I didn’t want! | Why you shouldn't tell people to "relax" | 5 Steps to better conflict resolution in the workplace

Oh joy, feedback I didn't want. Thanks for the gift!

It’s the season of giving, which means it's also the season of receiving. In some cases, like when you peel back the gift wrapping paper and find that it’s fruitcake, what you get isn’t exactly what you were hoping for. When it comes to the workplace, feedback from a coworker or boss may also leave you feeling a little less than festive.

In this week’s article, I encourage you to see feedback, of any kind, as a gift. As an executive communication coach, I spend a lot of time talking to clients about delivering effective feedback because I know that receiving it tugs at two seemingly opposing human need: the need to improve and the need to be accepted just as we are. I've prepared a holiday guide of sorts for you to get the most out the gift of feedback. by considering three things: saying “thank you”, disregarding the source, and focusing on the 1% you can use. I hope you like my gift! :)

Why you should never tell someone to relax

We've all heard it, and we've probably said it : “Relax!" Too often, when someone tells us to relax, we almost instantly feel the pressure move up into our shoulders and faces, and the complete opposite starts to happen. A situation that was already stressful becomes fraught with resentment and can potentially create lasting rifts—particularly between bosses and staff.

In this article for The Wall Street Journal, Sue Shellenbarger provides a 360-degree look at the effect of “relax” and offers advise on how to handle the situation. When someone suggests that you “calm down,” try pausing to reflect on the effect your behavior is having on the people around you. From the other perspective, when you see others clearly experiencing tension or anxiety, instead of suggesting that they relax, consider using inquiry. Ask them how their day is going or what you can do to help. Pausing to consider how we use and react to the words “relax” or “calm down” can actually improve our ability to do just that.

5 Steps to conflict resolution in the workplace

Conflict in the workplace may seem like something you should strive to avoid. But In this article for CFO UK, Alex Shootman, President & CEO at Workfront, actually recommends the opposite. Conflict is something you should foster in the workplace!

Shootman points out that, of course, not all conflict is created equal. The kind of conflict you want at the office is the kind that aligns with the Latin origin of the word, which means “to strive together.” Therefore, a successful work environment depends on providing the conditions that promote a sense of shared purpose and invite the expression of opposing points-of-view. Among the advice in his 5-step guide, Shootman includes knowing the difference between constructive and destructive criticism, knowing yourself, and having the indispensable ability to say “sorry.” With this advice in mind, you can transform the conflict that your workplace dreads into one its biggest strengths.