Saturday, January 26, 2008

So the three songs sound amazing. And I can say that because really, my part in the whole thing was relatively small. I wrote the songs, played guitar, and sing. My band played guitar, bass, and drums. And another guy did the recording. And another guy did the mixing/mastering. So really, there were a lot of people involved in making these songs sound the way they do. And they sound great. I'm so excited. And don't worry -- they will be posted online soon. I'm just waiting for the rest of the band to get to listen to them. Doesn't seem quite fair that you should hear them before they do, does it? But they'll be up soon, I promise.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Okay, and spitting. I don't get it. Can someone explain this to me?

I completely understand, and have (on occasion) participated on spitting on things from some great height because it is funny or cool or just to see how fast spit falls. But in the last week or so, I've seen I don't even know how many people spitting on the train, on the platforms, walking down the street. And my question is this: what are you putting in your mouth that tastes so terrible you have to rid your body of it's own saliva with such alarming regularity? I mean, do you naturally produce a lot of it? Because most people just swallow the excess. Saliva is actually a very good, healthy thing. It helps you eat. You're supposed to ingest it. And unless you're sick, it really doesn't have a flavor, so it shouldn't be that awful that you have to rid your body of it while riding public transportation. Unless you're eating or sucking on something that makes your saliva taste really awful. Which begs the question: why are you putting that in your mouth?

See, when I moved away from you, that wasn't so you could follow. That was because I was sick of your bag slamming into my thigh. I'm sure that most of the time, you'rea very nice man, and I can assure you that most of the time, I am a very nice person, but today, after the day I had, my fuse is about this long and your bag thwumping into my thigh is just about enough to set it off. But instead of tearing into you, I'm just going to move an inch or so away. The train is crowded, yes, but not so crowded that it is necessary for you to invade my personal space. But so help me if you move any closer to me, I will chew you out on this train, even if it means the men in white coats have to drag me away afterwards.

Okay, I take back what I said before. You're going to take the one open seat on the train without even looking around to see if there is someone else who needs it more? Great, now this dude feels it necessary to lean on my back. I'm sure you're a nice person, too, but I'm just barely holding myself up here. Do you want me to cry? 'Cuz I will. I've been wanting to all day and you leaning on me is just about enough to turn it on. You're married? How the hell is a guy like you married? Does your wife know that you didn't even offer the one open seat on the train to the elderly gentleman standing behind you? What the fuck? How are you married? If she knew...unless she's heartless, too.

Okay, there is absolutely no reason why you should need to hit the brim of my hat with your shoulder. None whatsoever. There is plenty of clearance on either side, even considering the number of people wanting to get on this train around me. You're going to stop there? Really? With all of this empty space in the middle of the train, you have to lean against the same pole as me? Really? Do you...do you have to look at me, too?

And finally, I'm home to my baby. With the sweetest face I think I've ever seen. He just wants to be in the same room as me, but he always gives me my space, too. And people wonder how a person can get so attached to an animal. You'll never know until you have a pet. He truly makes the rest of it go away. Until he starts chewing on electrical cords, and then a whole new rant starts up...

Monday, January 14, 2008

So I rewatched this movie over the weekend that I haven't watched in years. When I first got it, though, on VHS, I watched it every night for a month. It is a movie that, ashamed as I am to admit it, changed my life. It's not the kind of movie that you would think would change a person's life, but it did. And it was so strange to watch it again. I am so not the person I was when it spoke to me so loudly, but it took me back there in a heartbeat. I was still able to say every line, mimic every sound effect right along with the film. And I was reminded of how unhappy I was back then. How desperate I was to be someone, anyone other than me. It was what made me want to be an actor -- what better way to be someone else? And, if I was an actor, maybe I could comfort some other little girl the way this movie comforted me.

The really funny thing about it is that now, I don't want to be anything other than me. I like it that I stand up for myself. I like it that I don't lie. I like being vegan. I like it that no matter what I'm doing, I find a way to do it that still works with my image of who I am. Except for this entry. Man, I sound like a dweeb, don't I? But I think you know what I mean. I make my own music. I've made my own life for myself in the city. I get to hang out with some really amazing people. One of my friends told me not too long ago that he admires the fact that I kind of do what I want to do. I think it is because I was so unhappy then that I am able to do that now.

So again, I have to thank this movie for turning me into who I am now. Not to sound to heady, but I think I'm kinda groovy. And I'm really happy that I just get to be me.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Something about January always makes me want to hibernate a little. Sadly, I have too much going on and I can't really hibernate right now, but the idea of curling up with my cat and a mug of hot chocolate is that much more appealing right about now. So much so that even though I am on my last pair of clean underwear, I'm going to procrastinate doing my laundry just a little bit more so I can spend some time with my cat. Because really, he is probably the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and I'm so lucky he came to live with me and has stayed all these years. Thank you, baby head.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

So after my lovely dream about people from "The Office," I had a dream about being chased by dinosaurs through an old abandoned school. The weird thing is, I think they created the dinosaurs as some sort of demolition tactic because this school was supposed to be destroyed and there were a whole bunch of us in there just trying to egg the dinosaurs on and make them destroy more of the school. In a weird way, it was fun, aside from the fact that my cat was in the school and I was trying to keep him safe, too. But really, where can a cat hide from a dinosaur? Not many places, let me tell you.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

Saturday, January 05, 2008

So my best friend in Chicago and I have kind of made this deal with each other that we're both going to try a little harder this year to find a special someone. He has been on all of three dates the entire time I've known him, so I'd say he's a little overdue. I've had how many bad relationships? Exactly. So we're going to try a little harder this year. Thing is, beyond going to a bar we don't normally go to tonight, I'm not exactly sure what that means. AND, here's my problem with that in the first place:

I like to be unobtrusive. It's just how I am. If I go basically unnoticed in social situations, I'm okay with that. I don't like to foist my opinions on other people. Hell, to me, being vegan is all about not foisting my desires on animals, so why should I foist them on people, you know? I'm not a big foister. Which also means that when it comes to dating, while I will show that I am interested, I usually wait for someone else to make the first actual move now. I date men who want to date me, if that makes any sense. And when I find one I would like to date, I'm so afraid to foist that desire on him that I will ignore him or just befriend him, and he'll get so see how great I am, but since I never foisted myself, he either has no idea I'm interested in more than that, or he just doesn't see me that way. So in order for me to get into a relationship I would like to be in, I think I'm going to have to do a bit of foisting. I'm going to have to tell someone that while I think he is an amazing person and I would be over the moon if he was just my very good friend, that what I really want from him is so much more than that. And if you look a couple of entries back, you'll see that I think telling someone that you'd like to date them is kind of an odd thing to say because really, it's just saying, "I'd like to sleep with you one day." So if I'm going to try a little harder this year, I'm going to have to tell some guy that I'd like to sleep with him someday. And that's just odd.

Okay, here's the thing. I should not be allowed to fall asleep watching "The Office" anymore. I have the strangest dreams when I do. In this most recent one, I was hanging out with John Krasinski, watching "The Office," and he started making his move on me, but I told him no, until he broke up with Karen. I told the actor to break up with his last season character girlfriend. Uh huh. So he said he would and he left and I went back to my room because apparently this was all happening in a hotel that was decorated with way too much pink brocade wallpaper. And once in my room, I discover that Dwight is in the room next door and he doesn't like me very much because John does, so he's shouting things like "You're in hell" in that not-at-all-scary-Dwight-trying-to-be-scary voice at me through the wall. He didn't stop when I pounded on the wall, so I went out into the hallway to try to get at him through his door, only to find that someone else was already going to reprimand him, so I went back to my room. Which now had three doors, none of which really locked anymore, and none of which went any lower than waist height. I had three half-doors on my room, and anyone who just bent down a bit could come right in.

And then I woke up because I think I was trying really hard to rewatch Pam's little speech at the beach. Which had really just played on my television.

Friday, January 04, 2008

So Iowa. You know, if it wasn't for the caucuses, would anyone actually pay attention to Iowa? Aside from people in/from Iowa? I mean, no offense, but how often in your average day do you think about Iowa? Not counting yesterday and today. For about two days out of every four years, Iowa is the national center of attention and then it kind of disappears again.

Anyway. Obama. I'm glad he won. I like him. He is very charismatic and well spoken and intelligent. I started reading his autobiography over the summer while I was house sitting (I didn't finish before I left) and he just really seems to have it together. No, he doesn't have the experience of, say, anyone else running, but he seems to have decent instincts. Or brilliant speech writers. His speech last night somehow reminded me of some famous speeches from the 60's. I know, I know, it's terrible to say, but maybe part of it is because who was the last great African American speaker in this country who could inspire people like that? Exactly. I'm sorry, Rev. Jackson, you're good, but Dr. King was great. And now we have this new guy talking about hope and bringing our troops home and uniting the country not as red and blue states but as the United States...it felt a little like a throwback to me. Not that that's a bad thing. It was a great speech and he speaks very well. But yeah. In my opinion, Obama kind of has the energy one would expect the love child of Kennedy and King to have. And I'll admit, I'm drawn to it.

On the other hand, I would have been okay with Hilary or Edwards winning, too. I think all three have valuable things to offer and potential weaknesses. Edwards is what presidential candidates of the past have been -- an intelligent, well spoken, clean cut, white family man. There's nothing wrong with that. And I like his politics. But when compared to a female candidate or an African American candidate, it doesn't quite feel like he's going to change the world as much. They will make history simply by being elected. He would have to work really hard to go down in the record books as a great man. Then again, I do still have the fear that this country isn't ready for either a female or an African American president yet. Yes, I live in a big city where neither race nor gender is that big of a deal. But there is a lot of the country out there wherein those things are still a big deal. Plenty of people in rural areas who might think a woman isn't fit for the presidency -- it's a "man's job." Or that African Americans are still second class citizens. And/Or, since Obama is light skinned, there is the fear that he isn't black enough to get the black vote, you know? There are plenty of factors that have nothing to do with intelligence or capability or experience or any of that that could throw off the campaigns of either a female or an African American candidate. I hate to say it, but I believe it to be true. And I would like nothing more than to be proven wrong on that front.

Hilary has the most experience. She lived in the White House, for crying out loud. She was there for her husband's entire presidency, she knows the pressures and the demands of the job, and she's been a Senator for how long now? The woman knows what she's doing and what she's talking about. I like her politics and I'm guessing that while it wouldn't be a rip-roaring drunken frenzy if I ever got to hang out with her, I'm guessing also that I would still have a great time and walk away very intellectually stimulated. She just doesn't have the pizzazz that Obama has, which is sad.

So yeah, I'd be happy with any of the three front runners on the Democratic side. And as far as the Republicans go...Huckabee? Really? Really? Is it because he shares a name with a film starring Jude Law? His speech last night was so dull by comparison. Mitt Romney...also a bit of a snore. If we were doing the elections like American Idol or any of the competition-based reality shows on television just now, the judges would be telling the Republicans to step it up and put on a better show. Excite the crowd. Let us all know what you're about and what you stand for, but also show us who you are. And if you really are as boring as you appear, you're not going to make it past the primaries.

Granted, I don't pay that much attention to politics in general, Republican politics specifically, so maybe I'm just out of the loop and they really both are great, qualified candidates. Or maybe it's that the Democrats have better PR people. If you don't get your message out to everybody, how is anybody going to decide who to vote for, you know? And to watch Obama's speech, followed by Huckabee's speech...no comparison. Obama could inspire a nation; Huckabee would be good with bedtime stories because we'd all be out by page two.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

So I keep getting these snippets of conversation in my head that would either work well in a nice romantic comedy or perhaps on "Pushing Daisies" and I'm not exactly sure what to do with them. I think I would prefer that they show up on "Pushing Daisies" because that's about as happy love story as I can handle -- two people completely in love who can never touch. But yeah. I get these little snippets of lovely things to say that then leave me almost as soon as they popped into my head.

Maybe one day I'll turn them all into a super sappy love song. I did put one line to music and it's really cheesy and pretty bad, but since it now has notes associated with it, it's stuck. And then again, maybe not. Maybe one day, I'll actually have someone to say these sweet little snippets of conversation to and then I'll be glad that I have them stored somewhere in the recesses of my mind, but I'll feel moderately guilty that they won't be spontaneous expressions of love. Oh well. We can't have everything now, can we?

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Rabbit rabbit and happy new year!

I think my resolution should be to not drink so much vodka.

I am kind of proud of myself, though, that I did not kiss anyone at midnight. Those I would be most interested in kissing were not there, so I kissed no one. And I managed to not send a potentially really embarrassing text message to one of the persons I would have been interested in kissing, so that is also a good thing.

I feel like I should review 2007 at some point. It was kind of an odd year. Started out with me getting kicked out of a band for bogus reasons. But I started my own band, and eventually found a drummer and we started playing out. I'm so in love with my band, I can't even tell you. And I had what turned out to be a disasterous relationship that kind of turned me off of relationships. Except for this one lovely dinner I had with a lovely man who lives very far away and probably isn't interested in that kind of thing anyway. And my brother got married and I got to know him and his wife a little better. I hope that continues. And I got over a broken heart. I found a new job that I actually kind of enjoy in a place where I really like the people. I dunno. I don't know that it was really a stand out year, except for things that happened with my band, but that's okay. The band stuff was pretty awesome.

So 2008. I want to push my band even more. I will direct a musical that I wrote. I'm hoping to do a bit of traveling, to see my friend and her baby again, and to maybe go see a concert I've wanted to see for years. I want to either do something about the size of my ass or just let it go because I'm tired of thinking about it. And I want to clean my house. I should go do that. After a shower maybe.

Oh! And hooray for Illinois being officially smoke-free as of today! How nice it will be to go out and not come home reeking of smoke!