I am still finding my way through this mess. For those that don't know me, I am getting a divorce. STBX is still in Vegas, I moved to MI with the kids. Any advice you found handy besides the obvious (don't talk bad about ex, don't use kids as pawns, etc.)

Sent from my Nook Tablet using DS Forum

Advertisement

__________________

~Cassie~ Single Mom to Jordan 9/04 and Jaxon 6/06 and Kelli 10/08 and 1/11 and Jevin 12/11
Check out my gallery! PM me for YYMN and other knitting needs.

getting things in writing. my XH was all nice when we separated and was like, sure I will pay for you to declare bankruptsy, you will of course still homeschool and be in charge of their health care......so all we had in writing (we did our divorce ourselves online) was that we had 50/50 joint custody....fast forward to a few months after the separation, he met someone and all the sudden, the following year, the kids were in school, he started taking them to different doctors and not paying for alternative care, etc and not paying for me to declare....stuff that really messed me up. I wish I had gotten that stuff in writing. Like I said, it was VERY amiable when we were the only 2 involved, but once she came into the pic, he was all about listening to her. Now, 4 yrs later, it's finally better.

Being a little flexible with each other. Yes, get things in writing, but then being willing to accommodate each other went a long ways. Letting him have something he wanted also made it easier for me to ask and get things I wanted that were "off text"

Also, at first we were splitting all kinds of expenses - dc, camp, co-pays. Now we do it - your place is yours and mine is mine. SO much better, but then my ex is a super invasive creature, so maybe that is specific to this case...

Anyway, doing everything I could to keep it civil - including editing out all the angry words from my emails. It's energy consuming but I get what I want more often and it's better for DD when things are polite and civil on the surface, no matter how I feel inside

Oh, and accept that he will do things differently than you and let it go. You can't parent at his house and you don't want him parenting at yours. He will have different rules, and may do things you HATE. Too bad. Unless he is seriously endangering them, or he asks your opinion, keep your mouth shut.

Don't put the kids in a position where they have to choose- even for things as simple as "whose car do you want to ride in?" I remember being asked to make those decisions after my parents got divorced, and I hated them. I always felt like whatever choice I made was going to hurt someone's feelings. That sucked.

__________________
After struggling with PCOS, IF, and multiple miscarriages, my family is complete.DS 2005 and DD 2007

Hi there ~ I'm sorry that you're going through a divorce, I know that's very tough. Through my time working with Focus on the Family, I'm aware of some information on their website that might be helpful during this time of transition. God bless you!