abortionclinicdaystag:typepad.com,2003:weblog-166632014-01-11T17:28:46-08:00Abortion providers tell stories about their work and the people they help.TypePadArchivedtag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a00d83452506569e201a3fc113a0f970b2014-01-11T17:28:46-08:002014-01-11T17:28:46-08:00Hi-- Holy Cow it's 2014, three years since we last posted! We are leaving this up, with some expired credit card interruptions in case someone wants to access some of these stories. They are remarkably similar to what happens everyday...abortionclinicdays

Hi-- Holy Cow it's 2014, three years since we last posted! We are leaving this up, with some expired credit card interruptions in case someone wants to access some of these stories. They are remarkably similar to what happens everyday in our clinics so if anyone is interested in what goes on in an abortion clinic, these stories are still pretty accurate.

Unfortunately, the pressures on clinics in some states has made it more difficult for women and their loved ones as well as for abortion care workers. Clinic resources have gone into expensive and unnecessary clinic renovations like a $60,000 Air Conditioner at a Pennsylvania clinic. These are all challenges to quality abortion care but the providers we know try hard to keep their patients' needs--emotional, physical, and spiritual--in focus.

Thanks for your interest!

We apologizetag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a00d83452506569e201538ff7c8d9970b2011-07-17T16:40:32-07:002011-07-17T16:40:32-07:00I am so sorry that you had to wade through all the spam. I'm sure that some of you get really upset with the monitors of this site. It's true that we have not done a good job in monitoring...abortionclinicdays

I am so sorry that you had to wade through all the spam. I'm sure that some of you get really upset with the monitors of this site. It's true that we have not done a good job in monitoring nor have we posted in a long time. There are now many more sites addressing the needs of women and families, contraception and abortion issues as well as the uptick in laws directed against women. It's the latter, dear readers, that has kept us so busy these past months. Because other sites report on the legislative efforts to curtail abortion and/or place ever more obstacles in the path of women seeking to obtain safe, legal medical procedures, we have not been covering the political activities in the states. And, of course, we abortion providers have been very very busy fighting for women's rights to continue to terminate pregnancies when the health, timing, or financial situation for the woman and/or her family is not what they have determined in the baby's best interest. Respecting the pregnancy has always been of utmost importance to providers. In fact, women and their partners know that many providers of abortion services will do all the woman wishes for the pregnancy to be honored, many including prayers and baptisms.

In the meantime, a posting from another site has come to my attention and I'd like to share it with you. The risks and dangers of legislators creating medical policy on matters of which they are not informed can result in death to the mother. We know that all readers, regardless of political persuasion, want to protect the lives of women. We stand together on that front. We all abhor the Gosnells of the world, whether they are abortion providers or other professionals. We count on the regulatory bodies, in that case, the PA Dept of Health to do their job so that women treated in a safe legal manner. But when one group of regulators falls down on the job, we all suffer, we all fear for our loved ones be they our sisters, mothers, aunts, friends, cousins. Hopefully, controls are back in place in PA and women are once again as safe as they have been for almost 40 years.

Here is the link to the above-referenced article if you care to read it:

Thoughts on Dr Kermit Gosnell and the anniversary of Roe v. Wadetag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a00d83452506569e20147e1c7c71e970b2011-01-20T09:47:26-08:002011-01-20T13:07:08-08:00Like most providers I've talked with, I’ve found it difficult to ignore the stream of news stories over the last 48 hours or so about the arrest and charges brought against Dr. Kermit Gosnell and his staff. Arrested just short...abortionclinicdays

Like most providers I've talked with, I’ve found it difficult to ignore the stream of news stories over the last 48 hours or so about the arrest and charges brought against Dr. Kermit Gosnell and his staff. Arrested just short of the 38th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, I’m haunted by how many of the charges brought against him echo women’s stories of abortions prior to legalization.

As a provider, I’m disgusted by the activities and attitude described and struck by how thoroughly the state of Pennsylvania ignored their obligation to protect women from unsafe and unscrupulous physicians—despite the fact that they have some of the most restrictive abortion regulations in the country! As one colleague put it, ‘you can have all the laws in the world regulating medicine, but if no one cares enough to enforce them, what’s the use?’ It’s worth noting that, despite numerous complaints, it was not his abortion practice, but his pain medication prescriptions that finally got the state’s attention.

I'm also struck, reading the link above, how the grand jury uses the phrase 'abortion mill.' If I had a nickel for every time that allegation has been thrown at good, reputable clinics by the anti's. (Does that make the large OB & perinatal loss unit at our local hospital a 'baby mill?' or a 'miscarriage mill?') How do you even begin to talk about good abortion care when rhetoric makes it impossible to parse out the good clinics from the bad.

The women who utilized Dr. Gosnell’s clinic were largely, by most accounts, poor women, immigrants, underserved women of color. Desperate pregnant women with little money and little knowledge of the medical world are easy prey for exploitative physicians—particularly if women have immigrated from areas where abortion is illegal or unsafe. I remember holding the hand of a woman who had emigrated from an African nation where abortion was illegal. I was struck by the fact that she had walked in the door with no expectation that she would be safe in our clinic—she just knew that she desperately wanted an abortion. She asked few questions, had little money and tried to be as compliant as could be. I could have easily imagined her as one of his patients—following instructions, not making a peep. Our session went slowly, as I reviewed everything that would happen and we talked about birth control, her family back home, her fears that they would disown her if they ever knew she had been pregnant.

The social stigma against abortion services coupled with the Hyde Amendment’s refusal to cover abortion procedures for low-income womencreate an atmosphere wherein activities like those described in Gosnell’s case can exist. As Charlotte Taft describes in her excellent essay, secrecy, shame and desperation breed subpar care. Also, as SisterSong's excellent primer on Reproductive Justice illlustrates, Hyde represents just one arena in which the reproductive rights and dignity of low-income women and women of colors are dismissed.

This year, for the 38th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, I’d like to challenge our readers to imagine a higher standard for abortion care—not just safe and legal. I’d actually argue that ‘safe and legal’ is a pretty low bar. Would you go to an OB or a pediatrician whose services were described as merely ‘safe and legal?’ What does compassionate, whole-woman abortion care look like? No one wants a loved one to have an unsafe or an illegal abortion. But what kind of care DOES your loved one deserve? Take the question of whether they should have an abortion or whether “you approve” off the table entirely. This ain’t about you. If your sister, your niece, your cousin, your best friend or your wife decided that they were going to have an abortion—what kind of care would you wish for them? This is where we should start.

-Nell

Is it ok to change your mind?tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a00d83452506569e20147e196c99f970b2011-01-14T17:48:38-08:002011-01-14T17:48:38-08:00This afternoon I read a long piece on Scarleteen.com that provided guidelines for women who are unsure of whether, when and how to say no to a partner's sexual expectations. Because the subject matter deserves a wider audience, and because...abortionclinicdays

This afternoon I read a long piece on Scarleteen.com that provided guidelines for women who are unsure of whether, when and how to say no to a partner's sexual expectations. Because the subject matter deserves a wider audience, and because it does not apply only to teens, I am re-posting it here. In recent years, I have noticed that more women seem inclined to engage in sexual activities that please their partner but not necessarily themselves. In fact, women sometimes engage in acts that they find uncomfortable or even painful. (I will not even get into the expectations that early and frequent exposure to porn has created in some men.)

The scarleteen piece rang a bell, sounding like a lot of women we talk to. The author gave a very complete answer to the teen who asked about her partner's demand for anal sex, but it could have been anything that the woman doesn't want. If you think that her answer might help a friend, pass it on, link it. You do have the right to speak about what you do and do not want to do, even if it is scary. Here it is!

Lu

Get Real! Blaming the Wrong Butthole

I used to be able to have anal sex with my boyfriend. We're in college, we've been together for over three years and have been having anal for the entire time. I never enjoyed it at all, it always also hurt but I let him do it because he liked it. Ever since last summer, I haven't been able to allow him to do it. It just hurts so much more than it used to! I've always been really sensitive, but usually if he was gentle it would be okay. It's not anymore. Even though we use a lot of lube (we don't use condoms, I'm on birth control) it just burns from the second he puts it in. (I don't think it's the lube because it doesn't bother me otherwise.) It feels like it's sore in there, that it's ripping or tearing something.

He's really upset because he wants anal. He says he feels cheated because he used to get it and now I won't let him. He understands that it hurts, but doesn't get why it's so bad all of a sudden. I don't get it either! The only explanation I have is that I don't get to see him as often now (I'm at college so sometimes it's only once a month) so maybe it just gets all tight in there. I've noticed this with regular sex too, but to a much lesser degree and it's still okay for me. So I feel like that might not be it. I don't know if my butt is sick somehow but it's been going on for such a long time there must be something going on! What could this be? It really upsets him, and it kind of bothers me, too. I don't get why it hurts so bad all of a sudden! Is something wrong up there? What can I do?

Heather Corinna replies:

I want to first make some short, essential statements. What I'd like you to do is read each of them, maybe more than once, and just sit with them. Try and really absorb them. Understand that when it comes to what those of us who work in these fields know about healthy relationships and healthysexual dynamics -- and also those of us who have experienced wonderful, healthy sexual relationships everyone in them enjoys and feels good about -- these are pretty absolute truths. Feel them as truths.

Just like the United States' Declaration of Independence says that all men being created equal, that all are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, including life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are truths held to be self-evident (even though they're not exactly often honored, a civics discussion for another day), I'd say these are sexual truths, sexual declarations of independence we should all hold -- and have partners hold -- as self-evident.

Have a seat. Take a long, deep breath and let it out slowly. Open your mind a bit. Here we go:

No one is entitled to any kind of sex with anyone, or to access anyone else's body part, just because they want it or because they have had it or accessed it in the past.

No one should have to know or explain why they don't want to do something or why something is painful rather than pleasurable in order to have someone else accept either or both of those things as givens.

No one should ever feel they have to engage in any kind of sex they don't enjoy or want in their own right to satisfy or mollify someone else.

If someone wants a certain kind of sex to be in their sex life, it's on them to find and choose partners who share that desire, not on their partners to try and conform when they don't.

If there's any of them or anything in them that doesn't feel deeply true and real to you, I think it'd be a good idea to think about why not, and to also think about how not holding those things as true for yourself and your sexual partners really serves you, someone else or your sex life. If you held these things as true, and insisted your partner did, too, would you be likely to get what you really want and need? How about if you didn't? Since it sounds like you haven't been, think about how well that has -- or hasn't -- been working for you.

No matter what, if YOU are bothered by the pain and discomfort you are having with anal sex of any kind, you can always start in your sexualhealthcare provider's office and ask them to look into it. Since you've been having anal sex unprotected, that's a good idea anyway. Whether or not you decide you want to engage in anal sex again, with this partner or any other, if you have an infection or other health condition that's causing some pain, you're going to want to have it treated for your health. If you were telling me you were having anal discomfort or pain in other situations, too -- like when having a bowel movement or when sitting -- I'd even more strongly advise you seek out care.

You can also make sure that if and when you want to have receptive anal sex, that you're having it in a way that's likely to feel good, not crappy. You've already got the lube part, but being really aroused beforehand (which isn't likely if you know you just don't want something), having other sexual activities about other parts of your body you know enjoy and that rev your engine before, during and/or after that kind of sex, a partner moving his body with yours in a way that's about both of you feeling good, not just what feels good for him are some things that tend to be why anal sex can feel good for receptive partners, rather than being a nonstop ow-a-thon.

But even if there is a physical reason for the increased pain you're having, and even if there's a quick and easy medical solution that decreases that pain, I don't think that would actually solve the bigger problem here. I also strongly suspect the pain you're having isn't because anything is wrong with your body or your health, even though I think getting checked out just in case is smart.

What I suspect are the biggest reasons this doesn't feel good are that it's either just not something you like or not something you like and want, for yourself, at this time in your life or with this particular partner and that your partner has been jerky about this, and perhaps other kinds of sex, too. I also suspect that since it sounds like you've kept trying to have a kind of sex for a pretty outrageous amount of time that a) you have never really enjoyed or wanted for yourself and b) doesn't feel good, your pain is getting worse, which is pretty typical in that kind of dynamic. Sometimes our bodies insist on making us deal with the truths of things we're denying in our hearts and minds. Our bodies are smart.

To be really blunt, with the attitudes your partner seems to be expressing around this, I'd be amazed if any kind of sex is all that great with him because he sounds like... well, he sounds like a lousy sexual partner, and not someone you'd be likely to have a great sex life with no matter the activity. Since the best thing you have to say about any of the kinds of sex you have together is that it's "okay," -- not awesome, not delightful, not exactly what you want -- my sense is that this isn't a good sexual partnership or match overall. I also don't know about you, but I know very few people who get turned on by whining. I think it's safe to say that for most people, the way he's acting about this would be a pretty massive turnoff, even if someone wanted to have the kind of sex he did.

In other words, while you can always check with a doctor to be sure, I don't think this is a problem with your bottom, but with your boyfriend. I think this is about your boyfriend being an ass, not about your ass.

In long-term relationships, it's not uncommon for people to engage in a given kind of sex, or to have sex in certain ways, that feel good and are wanted at one point in the relationship, but then later, to have something change. Sometimes what changes is an injury, trauma, disability or illness that causes one person's body or sexuality to not work the same way it used to. Sometimes what changes is that someone just gets bored with something, or finds that something isn't satisfying to them anymore. Sometimes what changes are the interpersonal dynamics of doing a given thing, or doing a given thing a given way, where the dynamic used to be good, but then changed into something that isn't good and doesn't feel at all good. Maybe your boyfriend doesn't know that about people, relationships and sexuality, so maybe you need to fill him in on that. But even if he doesn't know that in general, he knows this is the case with you and he's refusing to accept it, let it go and leave you in peace, enjoying the kinds of sex that aren't painful for you and that you do really (I hope) want to be having.

I do want to make sure to address something, particularly given those primary basic statements I asked you to read up there. Sometimes we, or some folks, deeply enjoy serving someone else, want to do that, and that is part of a person's sexuality. In other words, even if what someone doing in and of itself itself isn't their favorite thing or doesn't feel all that physically good, the context of doing sexual things in service to someone does get that person off and is something they want to do and very much enjoy doing. I can't know if that's something that's part of your sexuality or not, and I'm inclined not to think so since you seem to be talking about not enjoying any of this deeply on any level, but I wanted to make sure not to overlook that or render that possibility and kind of sexuality invisible. However, to engage in those kinds of dynamics in a healthy way, that all needs to be carefully negotiated and managed, and being in pain when you don't want to be or just doing something else for someone so they'll shut up about it already or won't nag you isn't part of that picture. Same goes for the case when it's part of someone's sexuality to like to be served or to dominate or direct someone else: this isn't how that goes or what that looks like when it's done in a healthy way.

Have you ever told him that you never really liked or wanted to have anal sex in the first place?

If you have not, that's way past due. Ideally, after trying this one or two times and finding out it's just not your bag, you wouldn't have kept doing it just because it's what your boyfriend wanted for himself or because he threw a hissyfit when you didn't want to do it. You would have told him this kind of sex just isn't something you like or want, and ideally he would have accepted that without making a giant fuss or talking about you robbing him in some way. If you already have voiced that to him and he's kept pushing for you to do this, that's simply unhealthy (no matter what the sexual activity, not just because it's anal sex), and I'll talk about that more in a minute.

Few people want or enjoy absolutely EVERYTHING we can do sexually. While some folks are, I think it's more common for people to be a select menu -- be it large or small, rotating or fixed -- when it comes to sex, rather than an all-you-can-eat buffet. Your boyfriend is probably no exception. There may be things you'd want or enjoy that he wouldn't, things you'd just accept as not being what he wanted and not make a big deal out of.

Sometimes, though, we or anyone else wants something sexually very badly because it's a kind of sex we like a whole lot, and/or which feels very essential to our sexuality and our sex life. It's okay for anyone to have those things, and most of us probably do have at least a few of those things. But what we need to do around that, when that's the case, is to look for partners who share those same desires and enjoy those same things: with whom we are compatible. What we should NOT be doing is identifying and sticking with partners who do NOT want those same things and who do NOT enjoy them and then trying and make those people conform to what we want. That's not okay, big time.

It sounds to me like you've both made some fouls. He keeps going on about something he wants that he knows isn't right for you, and unless you're an excellent faker or he has been paying no attention to you whatsoever, which he probably also has known you aren't that into even if you haven't said so outright. Big foul. You, on the other hand, knew something wasn't working for you and didn't feel good, but instead of drawing a limit and opting out, you did something for a long time you never liked and that even hurt you just to appease him, or maybe even just to get him to stop kvetching about it. That's not sound, either.

Obviously, that's all in the past, though. So, where can you go from here?

NOW you set that limit. I would strongly encourage you to do that ASAP. It's obviously not going to be an easy conversation, especially if you've never set sexual limits with him, and especially if this conversation has been avoided for the whole of your relationship. But I think you need to make crystal clear, if you have not already, that you never really wanted to do this for yourself in the first place, that it never felt good for you, and that now it earnestly hurts, and between the pain and the fact that you just don't like or want this, you're not going to be having this kind of sex with him anymore unless your feelings radically change, and he just needs to deal with that. Without dramatics.

If this is your ONLY big issue, and the only place where this guy is being crummy, this may be able to be remedied. If you set that limit, share that honesty, and he changes his attitude and the way he's behaving around this massively, this relationship and your shared sex life may turn out okay. Basically, that means he'd accept that pain or no pain, you really don't want to do this anyway, so he need to let it the heck go and only do things with you that you also really want to do without pushing for anything you don't. But if this kind of dynamic is going on in other areas of the relationship, or if you have already had this discussion a gazillion times and he is still carrying on about how much his life sucks because he can't have this one kind of sex with you, I'd implore you to consider that this business with the anal sex is a symptom of a much larger problem, one that will likely only be fixed by no longer choosing this person as a sexual partner and potentially as a romantic partner. Given how he behaves when he doesn't get sex that he wants, you're probably going to have to axe both relationships, because I don't see him handling you saying that he can get NO sex from you anymore very well.

Only you can know which way to take this, because only you know the whole context of your relationship and its history. I have no idea if you've talked about this before, what you've talked about, and how those talks have gone. But you do, so I'm sure you probably have a pretty good sense of what the best next move for you in this is. I trust your judgment, and I hope that you can trust it, too.

There are partners for everyone out there who want the same things we want, or enough of the same things that any one thing or more than one thing someone can't do or doesn't want to do is no big whoop. This is true for both you and your current boyfriend (though if he acts like this a lot, his options are going to be way more limited than yours). We just don't always find them right away: most typically, we have to do some shopping around first and try on a few partnerships before we find those that are a good fit, sexually and otherwise. I often notice that one thing young people I talk with seem unprepared for in sexual and romantic relationships is the fact that any of us getting lucky with a great match right at the gate is so rare. I know that right now, some people feel like they have to kind of pick from either committing deeply to a relationship from date one or a parade of casual hookups, but I assure you, those two poles are NOT the only options. There is a whole big spectrum in between them, you just have to stand up for what you want and find a pace in the middle that's sound. Given how long you've been together and how young you are, I also want to make sure you know that the way this guy is acting is NOT how everyone else will behave.

I think you deserve a partner who doesn't act the way he has been acting with this, who treats you with more consideration. I think you deserve a partner with whom you're well-matched, including sexually, and with whom you feel you can easily ONLY do what feels great to you and what you BOTH really want to do, not just one of you, and who you know would only WANT you to do what you want and would find anything else really unappealing because they want sex that's really about both people, not just one.

I do think we are all entitled to those things. I also think that if and when we don't have those basic things as the foundation of our sexual relationships, and the kinds of things I talked about up at the top of this page, that we're pretty darn likely to be pretty darn miserable and are also likely to miss out on the possibility of actually finding and enjoying the good stuff.

One last check-in I'd suggest you have with yourself is about making sure that you are in a space in your head and your life where you truly feel able to be assertive sexually with a partner. That includes things like setting limits and insisting they be respected, not doing things sexually you don't want to or that hurt just to appease someone else, and being secure enough in yourself that if someone comes to the conclusion that they want something bad that doesn't work for you, that you two just aren't a good sexual fit and so should not be in a sexual relationship, that you can deal with that and find your own more compatible partners rather than trying to change who you are so someone else will stick around.

We won't always feel that assertive. For sure, sometimes it's not about us, it's about another person not making any room for us, in a real way, as our own people. But the assertiveness piece there is seeing that's messed up and moving on as soon as we know that. But sometimes it isn't about someone else, it's about us. We might need more time to discover and explore our sexuality alone or outside serious partnerships. Maybe our assertiveness blows right now because we just got out of a relationship where we got cut down a lot. We might need more time to become solid enough in our own sexuality and our own sexy that getting approval isn't something we're dependent on. We might need to take more time to get more sure in who we are and what we want, and feel strongly that's ace, so we won't try and conform to someone else's ideas of who we should be and what we should want. Sometimes not feeling assertive enough yet to have healthy sexual relationships or interchanges with others is just about needing to learn to be more assertive overall, in our whole selves and lives.

I don't know where you're at with that, but it's worth thinking about. If you're really not there yet, it's probably not the right time in your life yet to be sexual with partners, or to be sexual in ways where you don't feel very able to assert yourself. If you're nowhere near that yet, you having really great sexual relationships isn't very likely, and winding up with guys acting like this is, unfortunately, very likely. So, check in, and if you feel like you do need to work on this, it'd be a really good place to put your energy and time, and to do so when NOT in a relationship. And in the meanwhile, you'll also have extra time and space to explore your sexuality yourself. After three years of having sex that at worst, you didn't even really want and hurt, and at best, was "okay," I think a lot of time having great sex with yourself (masturbating) -- however you want to do that, and based ONLY on your real desires -- is probably just what the doctor ordered.

I'm going to leave you with a few links that I think may help you out with all of this and my very best wishes:

The Crazy Blogging Coupletag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a00d83452506569e201348931c868970c2010-11-18T18:47:17-08:002010-11-18T18:47:17-08:00I read the most appalling blog today. A couple claiming they are "undecided" about whether or not to continue her pregnancy are requesting that voters decide for them. This couple says that they are both thirty years old, the woman...abortionclinicdays

I read the most appalling blog today. A couple claiming they are "undecided" about whether or not to continue her pregnancy are requesting that voters decide for them. This couple says that they are both thirty years old, the woman is nearing twenty weeks and now it's time for voters to make the decision for them. This is mighty suspicious! Even their assertion that they've been married for ten years is suspect. Tech people do not get married at age 20 typically.

In all the many years I have been counseling women (and men) about abortion, I have never heard such a tale! By eighteen weeks, she has likely been feeling the baby within her for weeks, yet she gives no evidence that she has been affected by this at all. There is a certain glibness that not only disrepects all women, but even herself. Almost all women considering abortion come to a conclusion long before 5 months. The few exceptions tend to be a very young patient who did not know she was pregnant, or was afraid to tell a parent, or someone who could not get the money together quickly enough, or someone whose partner says he'll stick by her but then does not. However, this particular woman acts as though she doesn't even care, which is not what I have seen in my practice. Women whose pregnancies are more advanced tend to be more upset that they couldn't make it in sooner. They usually want to talk about the anguish they have felt in trying to make the best decision.

But the couple in the "let the voters decide" blog exhibit no emotions, not even for the miscarriages that the woman supposedly suffered. There is something missing in their presentation, demeaning all women by their glib attitude, not exhibiting any moral agency whatsoever, which is the giveaway in my opinion. Women are moral creatures, they do not take abortion lightly. If this were a typical situation, I or my colleagues would have seen it by now. But we have not. These folks are treating the possible birth or abortion as a joke, implying that it doesn't matter which one the voters choose (although they do whmaintain veto power). Have they even given any thought to how a child born only because of an internet vote might feel when he or she finds out?

Of course some might say that this couple ought not to be parents anyhow,which may be true. But I for one would not participate in any abortion this couple opted for if I knew that "voters" chose the outcome. Responsible abortion providers would send them packing! They might be sent to a psychologist or at least sent home with a decision making workbook, but no way would they have an abortion if they had not owned their choice, told how they came to decide, and why they thought abortion was the best decision in their case. Because my colleagues and I participate in every abortion, we do all we can to confirm that not only is it the woman's choice but that she has come to terms with it as well. We need to know that she accepts her choice, and then we can, also.

It has not escaped me that this may be a kind of dodge against the pain of loss she/they experienced with the miscarriages, but asking strangers to decide their fate and the fate of their child is not a good way to make a lifetime commitment, regardless. No way would I go along with their request. I'd send them home just as we do for all women who are not making their own decision.

Lu

Couldn't have said it better myselftag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a00d83452506569e20133f290841e970b2010-07-26T08:53:51-07:002010-07-26T08:53:51-07:00I had a great interaction with Mindy today. At 16, I expected that she might be a challenging client to work with. Her chart indicated that she was in special needs classes for a learning disability and she noted that...abortionclinicdays

I had a great interaction with Mindy today. At 16, I expected that she might be a challenging client to work with. Her chart indicated that she was in special needs classes for a learning disability and she noted that she was unsure about her decision to have an abortion. Maybe I was less worried about Mindy than I was about how her very stern-looking father and his nervous looking girlfriend would react to the outcome of our session. They already looked uncomfortable and ready for the day to be done. One of our intake questions is "whose decision is it for you to have an abortion?" Dad's was written in bubbly teenage script.

Mindy was wrapped up in a printed hoodie, fiddling with an ipod. I started our session by asking her what had brought her to the clinic today, considering that she was still pretty unsure of what she wanted to do.

"What brought me? My father brought me," she answered, with a tone that suggested I was a little bit dim.

"Okay," I said, trying to suppress a smile, "fair enough. Tell me a little bit about what's going on right now and why dad brought you down here."

"I made the appointment myself, because I wasn't sure what to do. My mom knows that, but my dad made me come today. He swapped weekends with my mom--I think so that he could be sure that I came down here. I told him the whole way down here that I wasn't sure and that you guys wouldn't see me like that."

"That's right."

"Here's what I think," she continued intently, "I think that this is a really big decision, you know?" I nodded in agreement. "I know it would be hard, and I know that I have a lot of problems in school, but I think I could have an abortion or I could have a baby and I'd be okay. But I'm just not sure what's right for ME yet. This is my decision. Nobody else has to live with it. The guy is no help, he was a MISTAKE. And I need to talk to my mom and my therapist and my sister and the important people in my life. You seem really nice, but they're the ones I should be talking to about this. They're the ones who are going to be there and they should be here today. Dad just woke me outta bed and said 'come on, it's time for your doctor's appointment.' That's not how this is supposed to happen."

"Mindy, I think you're absolutely right--that's probably the same advice I would have given." She beamed, glad to be taken seriously. We went on to talk about the research she was doing, reading stories on-line about abortion and parenting and watching lots of "16 and Pregnant." She had watched the adoption episode together with her mom. I gave her a copy of The Pregnancy Options Workbook and Mom, Dad, I'm Pregnant.

I also gave her some pamphlets for her dad to read over. I asked if she was safe going home with dad and if he would be angry that she wasn't seen today. "Oh, he's all bark, no bite, would never do anything" she said, "I know how to stand up to him. I'm going back to mom's house anyway." We made a plan for her to call in a few days to check in. I don't know if Mindy will come back or not, but I love that whatever decision she makes, she's committed to making it on her own terms. I wish that all our girls (and women for that matter) could have that presence of self.

Two lesser heard perspectives on picketing...tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a00d83452506569e20133f27170ad970b2010-07-21T06:19:46-07:002010-07-21T08:30:07-07:00I was really struck by two blogs that I read recently, the first by a husband supporting his wife through their abortion for a genetic abnormality and the second by the daughter of a anti-abortion picketer. Each gives a powerful...abortionclinicdays

I was really struck by two blogs that I read recently, the first by a husband supporting his wife through their abortion for a genetic abnormality and the second by the daughter of a anti-abortion picketer. Each gives a powerful 'from the sidewalk' perspective. As providers, we've known for years that the presence of picketers had little-to-no effect on the decisions women make when walking in the door. At our clinic, whether we have a very heavy picketing day or one completely absent of picketing, we always have a "show rate" of about 75% What this tells us is that IT AIN'T THE PICKETERS that are influencing our patients' decisions. A stormy day, in fact, probably has more of an impact on who actually makes it to the office.

What can change with a heavy picketing day is the mood inside the clinic. Most patients question the picketers mental health. Some are deeply hurt by the judgments of the picketers, others are furious. Partners often jump into a fiercely protective role. Needless to say, we often have to do a lot more comforting of patients and partners on heavy picketing days. Below are the two blogs:

The story of The Daddy Files startshere and it's really worth reading straight through, but if you want to get right to the picketing part, read here and here.

A Welcome Trendtag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a00d83452506569e201348524cfa0970c2010-07-01T14:15:50-07:002010-07-01T14:15:50-07:00For many years, abortion providers have been appalled at the treatment of imprisoned pregnant women. Our efforts to have dignity restored to those women while in hospital giving birth have begun to see results. Today PA agreed that it was...abortionclinicdays

For many years, abortion providers have been appalled at the treatment of imprisoned pregnant women. Our efforts to have dignity restored to those women while in hospital giving birth have begun to see results. Today PA agreed that it was both unnecessary and dangerous to have women shackled during labor and delivery, being the tenth state to do so. Those of you who have gone through delivery yourselves can only imagine how much more painful it must be with your arms and legs in chains.

Abortion clinics, being pro-choice, have long championed a woman's right to choose whether to continue a pregnancy or not. Incarcerated women are guaranteed that right too, but often receiving adequate prenatal care is difficult. Getting an abortion can be even more so, with some states refusing to provide transportation for medical appointments as required by law, or delaying the permission until it's too late for her to have an abortion, only to have her child taken from her at the moment of birth.

We will continue our efforts in the remaining 40 states until all pregnant women can be treated with respect and deliver their babies safely. We will also continue to defend the right of an imprisoned woman to have access to abortion if she thinks that is best.

Today, the Pennsylvania
Legislature gave final approval to a bill that restricts the
shackling of pregnant women in jail or prison; it now goes to the
governor for his signature. The bill prohibits using restraints on
pregnant women when they are being taken to a medical facility, in
labor, and after giving birth, absent “extraordinary” circumstances.

As these developments demonstrate, recognition is
growing that restraining women in labor and childbirth is both cruel and
unnecessary, given that corrections officers or jail deputies are
always with women during their hospital stay. The American Medical
Association and American Bar Association recently made clear their
opposition to the practice of restraining women who are in labor,
following the American Public Health Association, the American College
of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, and a host of women’s rights, human
rights, and health organizations.

When it comes time to go on record and cast a vote,
almost every legislator has voted in support of these measures. Yet, as
is so often the case with social policy in the U.S., shackling women in
labor is a problem that has primarily been tackled state by state,
which means there is still a long way to go to ensure that all women in
custody can give birth safely and with dignity.

More from Faith Aloudtag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a00d83452506569e201347ffa2307970c2010-04-19T07:57:53-07:002010-04-19T07:57:53-07:00Rev. Rebecca Turner of Faith Aloud, who wrote the 40 Days prayers that we have reposted on our blog, has produced some lovely videos in which pro-choice faith leaders speak directly to women who are considering how to proceed through...abortionclinicdays

Rev. Rebecca Turner of Faith Aloud, who wrote the 40 Days prayers that we have reposted on our blog, has produced some lovely videos in which pro-choice faith leaders speak directly to women who are considering how to proceed through an unplanned pregnancy.

We use these frequently in the clinic setting as a part of our counseling sessions, but I'd noticed how many women land on our website while trying to find information about faith and abortion. I'd like to include them here for women who stumble across our site while considering their own options. Here are three videos. Rev. Turner presents a Christian perspective, Rabbi Susan Talve presents a Jewish perspective and Kate Lovelady presents an Ethical-Humanist pperspective, for those who do not belong to a particular faith, but still view themselves as spiritual. There is also a Spanish translation, here on their website.

If these videos have been beneficial for you, or if you would like to support the work that Faith Aloud does, please consider a PayPal contribution to support their work.

Two great new sitestag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a00d83452506569e201347ff9c8e1970c2010-04-19T06:52:03-07:002010-04-19T06:52:03-07:00Passionate Provider: I am a young woman in my final year of medical school, training to be a kick-ass feminist doctor. I am fiercely committed to reproductive rights. Since my first year of school, I have been assisting with abortions...abortionclinicdays

Passionate Provider: I am a young woman in my final year of medical school, training to be a
kick-ass feminist doctor.
I am fiercely committed to reproductive rights. Since my first year of
school, I have been assisting with abortions as well as providing
opportunities for other future doctors to learn this important skill. I
believe abortion is a beautiful and powerful thing. I find anti-choice
rhetoric to be predictable, hollow, and fraudulent. I am always willing
to engage in respectful, evidence-based debate which does not need to
evoke god or morality or misogyny or pseudo-science to prove a point.

45 Million Voices: 45
Million Voices is a nonprofit organization dedicated to eliminating the
stigma, shame, and silence surrounding abortion through education,
empowerment, and sisterhood.

This
website is the first in a series of programs that 45 Million Voices
will provide. In this virtual space, we will share women’s stories of
their abortions, unedited, posted as they are submitted to us. The
goal is to provide a safe space to listen women into voice. A space
where stigma is eradicated, silence is broken, and honesty prevails
through the power of love and support.