THE MOVIE FLOPPERS

If any of my friends told me this instant that they don’t like watching movies, I will have to start cropping them out of my pictures straight away. Isn’t it a given thing that people like watching movies? I mean I love watching Bollywood masala entertainers (by saying this I am willing to dare the censure of all you artsy type people out there who love watching nuanced movies) Most of the people love to go the theatre and spend their hard earned (well in my case my father’s hard-earned money :p) and splurge. But whatever us differences about the genres we like to watch most of us can agree on one thing for sure, that movie watching should a fun, relaxing experience. However, watching a movie doesn’t depend only on how good the film is (or in my case, how good the lead actor is looking) but it also depends on the people who are sitting around or next to you during the movie. Read away at my list of people who have the full potential to ruin my movie experience:

1. THE LATECOMERS:

For someone who is time-challenged and whose organisational skills lie at the lowest rung of the rusty organisational ladder, I admit freely, to anyone who wants to listen, that I am never on time or as I like to call it- being fashionably late (you can hear my teachers clucking their tongues and visualise them shaking their head in disapproval right now). I have been late for all things important- for lectures, exams, and meeting with friends and if I ever date I can guarantee you that I’ll be late for those too. But movies…. nah? Even if the entire cosmic universe force tries to hold me back from watching the opening credits of a movie it’s going to fail. Anyone who walks in theatre late after the movie has started is disrespecting the whole vibe of the institution, I personally fell a sort of satisfaction when I see them stumbling in the dark, trying to locate their seats. These late comers cluck their tongues and give pained sighs when their stumble here and there on their way to their seats. Well what about the vision blackout us normal (on-time) people have to pretend to get when these late-comers pass in front of us giving a nice (totally unwanted view) of your derriere?

2. THE CHOMPPERS:

Some people clearly need to get their priorities in check when they come to watch a movie at the multiplex. People who start eating food even before the movie has started get on my nerves. First of all, I am already annoyed because one of the late-comer has stomped (quite painfully, might I add) on my foot. Secondly, how are you expecting me to keep my composure and concentrate on the movie when the person next is chomping down on caramel popcorn and the warm, sweet smell of the popcorn is grabbing my attention? For someone who is always hungry, I feel like this is a well-planned conspiracy to divert my attention. I personally feel the people who slurp their cokes loudly must be marched out the movie theatre since they are warring with the sound system and can be sent by the rival multiplexes to leave the customers disappointed.

3. THE ZOMBIES:

I have lost the count of how many times I have seen people buried in their phones when the movie is on looking like (for a lack of a better word) like zombies. First of all, when someone has a light on underneath their face when they are in a dark place makes them look frightening. Are you telling me, that I got ready quickly (smudging my eyeliner in the process), wore mismatching socks (because I couldn’t find and entire pair- my drawer’s a mess) and drove like a crazy bat through the traffic, and came to watch this horror movie (against my better judgement) so that I can die of freight because someone next has a compulsive need to check his phone during a horror movie?

I mean seriously, have some compassion for my nerves will you? Imagine how you will feel, if the police arrive on your doorstep tomorrow morning and accuse you of killing someone because you couldn’t keep your phone down. Death because of social media- I am sure I won’t be the first.

4. THE HARRASED PARENTS:

You can spot these types of people right away, once you enter the theatre. They are the ones that usually wear a harassed and a hassled sort of expression and have a child on their hip with a bag full of baby things hanging on their tired shoulders. I really don’t understand how is it that babies seem to understand the worst time to cry, causing their parents to get up and run manically out of the theatre trying to dodge the accusing glances of the other people. If nothing else, I must say one has to hand it to the babies since they have the worst sense of timing (but their sense of timing can’t compare to my chemistry teacher who asks me complicate questions just when I am about to dose off in class) since they usually start bawling right in the middle of an important scene.