Acceptable Vice Intakes

How Many Vices Can You Get Away With?

Caffeine

Most of us drink a lot of caffeine. It’s in everything: our sweets, snacks, soft drinks, and, of course, our coffee. Many doctors will tell you to watch your caffeine consumption. Why? Let’s do a little experiment: Suck down a 20-ounce venti of the strongest java the mermaid has to offer and you’ll feel like the space shuttle 10 seconds before liftoff. Guzzle a few more before an hour is up and you could be facing caffeine intoxication, a state of extreme amped-ness that triggers restlessness, nervousness, excitement, insomnia, flushing of the face, increased urination, gastrointestinal disturbance, muscle twitching, a rambling flow of thought and speech, irritability, irregular or rapid heartbeat, and psychomotor agitation. Sounds a bit familiar, doesn’t it?

A regular, non-venti-size cup of coffee contains about 140 milligrams of caffeine. To reach the super amped-out state described above, you need to swallow about 500 milligrams. And just to give you an idea, you’d need to guzzle between 80 and 100 cups of coffee to get enough caffeine to kill yourself, or about 150 milligrams to 200 milligrams of caffeine per kilo of body mass. A 175-pound guy would need to take in about 16,000 milligrams (16 grams) of caffeine to do himself in. Not an easy task, but your local barista might be up for the challenge.

The bottom line: Have a cup of coffee in the morning, and maybe two on Thursdays (we all know what Thursdays feel like). Try not to guzzle it all day. A steady stream of caffeine can cause irritability, shortened attention spans and even hypertension.

Sleep deprivation

If you’re the college type, you’ve likely pulled an all-nighter. Same thing’s true if you’re a night- or swing-shift worker. So you know the zombie-like feeling of intense sleep deprivation — that dreamy, fuzzy state of reluctant consciousness. Well imagine sticking it out until, well, death. It can happen, you know. Go long enough without a nap and you’ll keel over — at least theoretically. Scientists have observed the phenomenon in rats, and torturers at various gulags, prisons and hell holes have inflicted it upon humans. It seems that a person can go about 11 days without sleep before things get nasty. Beyond that you’re looking at brain damage and possibly death.

What if you’re used to getting, say, five to six hours of sleep a night? You’re not going for a world record or heading for death by sleep deprivation, but you’re pretty damn tired all the time. Studies have shown that sleep deprivation of this sort can lead to all kinds of health issues. At least, we think so. Common sense and science tells us that sleep helps with cognitive ability, memory, healing, and general sanity. There’s a difference between feeling tired and getting a life-threatening illness, however. Now, we're the last people to tell you to put off a good night’s sleep, but if you have to run on fumes for a few days, it probably won’t kill you. Then again, many men have died asleep at the steering wheel. Pay close attention to your body and mind. When you’re fatigued beyond hope, hit the hay.

get out of those vice grips

As humans, we’re prone to overdoing things. But intentionally pushing the limits with any vice is very unwise. Moderation or abstinence (in the case of cigarettes) is the best course of action. It may be fun reading about drinking enough booze or coffee to kill an ox, but it’s no fun actually doing it.