How to Be a Good Wife: Good Wife’s Guide Modernized

The Good Wife’s Guide goes around the internet quite often as a “how to be a good wife” kind of post. However, most find these 1950’s housewives rules outdated so this is a modern Good Wife’s Guide.

If you know me you know I’m not a meek and quiet 1950’s housewife. I have my opinions and I will share them. I also don’t blindly do anything.

This did almost get me in serious trouble once. One time my husband and I, while we are still just dating, were at my parent’s house. We were on the back porch and my husband (boyfriend at the time) says “come here.” I said “why”, he said, “just come here.” I questioned him again and he picks me up and moves me. Turns out there was a copperhead very close to my feet. So maybe I shouldn’t always question everything, ha.

The point is while I love the fashion and decor from the 40’s- early 60’s, I would not have done well with how women were often expected to act. The Good Wife’s Guide is a good example of something I’m sure I would have rebelled against.

How to be a Good Wife

The Good Wife’s Guide is rumored to be a “how to be a good wife” article that was published in a housewives’ magazine like Good Housekeeping Magazine or something of that nature. There is no clear evidence that really does exist or if it did, where it was from. The ideas in it are ones that many women in that time faced though.

I thought I’d share the original guide and then my updated version. Keep in mind I’m saying the things on my updated version are good things to do, not because you are a woman but because you are a nice person that decided to be a housewife. Big emphasis on decided! I’m not a housewife because that is all I am able to be, I’m a housewife because I want to be and it works well for my family.

The Good Wife’s Guide: Original-

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.

Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. and then run a dustcloth over the tables.

Over the cooler months of the year, you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

Be happy to see him.

Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home later or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order, and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.

Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.

Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

The Good Wife’s Guide: Modernized-

Have dinner ready at a time that works for your family. Plan ahead to avoid last-minute stress. Also consider getting something like an Instant Pot, which works as a slow cooker and an electric pressure cooker. It will also help you avoid a stressful rush at dinner time.

Give yourself time to rest. 15-minute naps have been shown to really help productivity and aren’t long enough to harm sleep patterns at night. You need to take time out of your day to take care of yourself.

Clear away the clutter at some point in the evening. A good nighttime routine helps for a better morning. Cleaning up is part of this because no one wants to wake up to a messy house.

If you have kids, make sure they wash their hands before dinner and pick up. It’s basic hygiene and it’s good for them to learn to take care of their things.

Greet your partner with kindness. As you should with everyone, especially loved ones.

Don’t overwhelm your partner the moment they walk in the door. Everyone needs a bit of downtime. It will be easier for you to talk about important things with both of you are settled and relaxed.

Couples should have social lives outside of each other. Always be considerate of each other’s feels but remember it’s good to have some time apart.

Your goals will change depending on what season of life you are in. Be sure that you and your partner are on the same page about what is important in your home life.

Communicate your plans with each other so that no one is worried or waiting around.

When possible, create a cozy and inviting home. This is different for each family but everyone wants a nice place to call home. That doesn’t mean it’s perfectly decorated or picked up, just that it fits your needs and your family can be happy there.

Nicely remind your family to take off their shoes before coming into the house. It helps keep the house cleaner and keeps pesticides and other nasty things out.

Don’t assume things or be passive aggressive. If you have a concern discuss it.

A good wife tries to do her best.

What are your thoughts on the original Good Wife’s Guide and my modern Good Wife’s Guide? Do you feel like you know how to be a good wife now? I’d love to hear what you think. Honestly, I’m fine with doing some things from the original because I’m a nurturer. But again, that’s a choice, I’m all about having choices.

Certainly your version. But I can also tell you my Mom would have laughed at the original. She worked full time, was a professional, and probably would have suggested we all treat our housekeeper/cook/childcare person with more respect than that first one shows!!

I am a 60’s bride. I don’t recall such rules. My husband always treated me with respect and caring. I remember some woman writing a book that said a lot of these things and it created a lot of controversy and was not popular for long. That kind of thinking led to abuses just as it does today, Because I was a homemaker, meals were on the table each night, the house was clean and the kids well taken care of. He went to work and my “employment”was making a nice home life for our family. I think a lot of gals have swung too far the other way, with expecting husband’s to take over as soon as they get home, because they have been busy all day, Sometimes especially that busy is spent on the phone talking, playing computer games and play dates with girlfriends where they chat and the kids fun wild. Not saying all, so no one take offense, but some. The men in grew up with would have thought these ideas ridiculous. Real men then and now, treated women with respect the same as a woman, then and now, treats her family with respect

Yes! I love this:-) I am a stay at home mom and I love doing things to make my home comfortable and loving for my husband. And he does the same sorts of things for me. I think these acts of love and selflessness go a long way in helping your marriage be great!

I couldn’t agree with you more Dorie. I think many other factors played a role in women being better equipped to care for her family and home than they do now. For instance, I’m a homemaker now, but I don’t have several of the skills that my grandmother did in her day such as sowing, gardening, canning, needlepoint, etc. Many of those skills were not only modeled by a young woman’s own mother but also taught in schools. I remember taking home economics and short hand in high school and thinking it was a waste of time. Not many years after it was removed from the schools in my state. Now I can see the impact that not having courses like that have on a today’s woman, myself included. With the absence of homemaking being modeled in the home and the skills not being taught in a formal or structured setting, I can easily understand why homemaking is not on many young women’s radar today and/or why a learning curve is needed. That’s why I’m so thankful for sites like this one!

I think all people are missing out on a lot of practical skills. I’m so glad my mom and dad took the time to teach me a lot of great skills. My dad taught me a lot about fixing things which can save so much money. My mom taught me to cook and a lot of other great homemaking skills. I’m glad you like the site!

I definitely prefer your version! I’m a housewife/stay at home mom to three (soon to be four!) small children, and while I take pride in our home and our family, that first list is waaaaaay too far in the opposite direction for me. I do believe that while my husband works very hard to provide for us and absolutely deserves downtime at the end of the day, he isn’t exempt from being a father to our children. Sadly, I know many men who believe that since they bring home a paycheck, all they’re required to do at the end of the day is give their kids a hug and a kiss when they walk through the door, and mom resumes every other childhood duty. I sincerely believe that while my husband is at work, I am in charge of the cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping/errands, appointments and childcare, and I’m happy and proud to keep our home and life running smoothly. However, as my husband said after our first child was born, “both of us had something to do with bringing our children into the world. I’m just as responsible for their upbringing as you are.” I couldn’t agree more, and I feel very blessed to be married to such a wonderful man who takes fatherhood so seriously. Being that I’m 34, I have no idea what most fathers did back in the day, if they had the same mindset as my husband, or if they felt all aspects of childcare were a wife’s duty. I’m curious to hear the responses!

Sorry, I went off on a bit of a tangent. 😉 I had to laugh, though, at the part on the original list that instructed women not to complain if their husbands stayed out all night long. Lolololololol no! Nothing good comes from a husband who disappears all night!

I do prefer your version. The first version was post WW1 or WWII. I forget which, so putting it in context is makes absolute sense. Men who were shell shocked and absolutely broken were trying to function as husbands and fathers again. Must’ve been an extremely hard time for everyone.

The first version seems to me a woman who is dealing with a husband who seems on the edge, like seriously depressed/PTSDish (which I wonder if it was a lot of the WWII generation, they went through hell and came back and had to act like everything was normal, plus they believed in the hold-it-in John Wayne ideal, so the pressure must have gone somehwere)
The part that blows my mind (and makes me wonder how authentic it is) is the “don’t complain if he stays out all night” ?!? I mean, if my teenager stayed out all night, he’d need to explain. How much more my husband! Letting our marriages fall apart isn’t love, its negligence.

I like your version 🙂 I’ve found having the main area clean when he comes home, and emotional preparing myself (not dumping all my angst on him) before he steps through the door, really helps 🙂
I’ve found my

I don’t think this article is real, I’ve never seen it’s original source anywhere. I am of the opinion that this was a parody article, written “tongue in cheek” to spoof guides of this type that were prevalent during that era. Especially looking at the last two points? Come on, lol That being said, there is a saying in the 12 Step world concerning any advice given that goes “Take what you want and leave the rest”. I’ll keep yours and pick and choose from the first list.

I was thinking I had read the original list before, and then I wondered if I had the original book. I have a vintage (1963) book called -Facinating Woomanhood- by Helen B. Andelin. I will have to look at it more closely, but it has a lot of similar sounding lists in it. I suspect there was a lot of direction being given at that time as more women were taking their bras off and rejecting how their mothers were treated.

I have never known a woman passive enough to be able to pull off the original. I don’t believe my husdand wants that. He values my opinion, intelligence, and leadership. I will always consider him to be the head of the home, and I show him respect as that because I am a woman who believes in gender roles and order. But, as many wise women know, if the man is the head, the woman is the neck- and can turn the head any way she wishes!

My mom and dad are still living the firat virsion and whats funny is that they expect us to be the same and treat our husbands the same way they do
We keep telling them that our time is not like theirs but they are never convinced and think that we are not being good wives to our husbands me and my 2 sisters

I adore your modern version. It’s funny how we think,”I couldn’t be THAT kind of housewife.” The funny thing is we would have been conditioned to strive for that. That being said, I think that maintaining a home can and should be a dual effort. There’s a difference between being a housewife and a maid.

There’s a reason why dinner should match his schedule over everyone else’s. When he comes home from work, his blood sugar is very low. His job isn’t done either. You’ve got things to talk about and there’s probably always a list of chores for him to tend to. The kids eat snacks all day. I know this from experience. If you want to make your husband feel as important as he is and as you are, you’ll have dinner on the table the second he walks in the door. Your new version is interesting, and of course some of it is valid, but not as much as you think. It lacks wisdom.

While I love the attempt to Modernize The Good Wife’s Guide, AND while you mention that in a way in the beginning… I feel like you derail it with your previous statement that “The Good Wife’s Guide is a good example of something I’m sure I would have rebelled against [if I’d been alive back in the 1940’s to early 1960’s]”. So I think it bears repeating: It’s important to note that it’s not actually from the 1950’s.

While some of the ideas espoused by it probably WERE culturally acceptable in the 1950’s (though that really is highly debatable in many ways when you start talking to Women who were Housewives back then), it doesn’t change the fact that it’s a big fat lie; as a document or as a list, it never existed. It never appeared in Good Housekeeping, and it was never in a Home Economics book either. In fact, from what we can tell it’s no older than the 1990’s at earliest. So while it’s great to do those things if you want to, it reduces our legitimacy to continue encouraging the idea that its, in any way, a historically accurate document of any sort.

I like most of the first version except for the parts about not fussing if he stays out all night. It’s different if he has to work late, but another thing if he is out doing his own thing. Yes, he does the major part in providing, but he also has a wife and possibly children too that need his attention.

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Welcome to my blog! My name is Lisa and I'm the Retro Housewife trying to live a greener life. I share my love of all things vintage, homemaking and green living here on the blog. To read more, click here.