"Gathering Up, Feasting On, And Snickering At The World's Collective Nuttiness Since 2011"

Monday, May 20, 2013

News You Can Use

We at The RedSquirrel Report have noticed the increased feminization of the news. Morning news programs feature segments meant to cater to women, such as news from Hollywood. The women of America are dying to know if Brad and Angelina have secretly tied the knot or if actor Bradly Cooper has made the cover of People Magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive" edition.

A clothes designer will visit with Kathie Lee and Hoda, and show off the newest fashions, then a famous chef will show the audience how to prepare a dish. To the women of America, the news is more than the events of the day, so we here at The RSR are pleased to debut a new segment we call News You Can Use.

This week, we are excited to tell the women of America about the hottest new hair style, The Debbie Wasserman-Schultz Ramen Wig.

First, you buy the wig. You can find it at any grocery store for about 25 cents, and you will have to know how to boil water.

You take the wig in it's hardened state, and place it in boiling water for 7 minutes. The wig should become
limp. Next, you turn off the burner, and let the wig cool for 5 minutes.