Shrill, polarizing funnyman Zach Galifianakis just got engaged to his longtime girlfriend Quinn Lundberg and the couple's already planning the nuptials for August 11th. Lundberg is the co-founder of Growing Voices, a non-profit organization that connects international donors to community-based projects.

A source close to them says that on the wedding invitation, "Zach included a drawing of himself and his bride-to-be. He made sure he looked like a little troll, while Quinn is a stunning tall blonde princess." They made an online gift registry under the moniker "Paul Dummy" and requested sheet sets from Anthropologie. I sure hope he doesn't get drugged by some weirdo right before the wedding and wake up in some place where he's like "what is this even" and then with all the crazy heteronormative shenanigans!!!!!!!??? [Digital Spy, Hollywood Life]

Advertisement

A "billionaire soda bottling heir" named Aliki David has offered Drake and Chris Brown $1 million each—and give another cool million to charity—to reprise the Great Bottle Incident of 2012 in the boxing ring. The Brown camp says they've never heard of this offer. "Obviously they have a grudge. It's just three 1-minute rounds. No one will get seriously hurt," wheedled Celebrity Boxing promoter Damon Feldman. "I would love to have Rihanna as ring girl." As if. [NYDN]

"Is there a mall around here, Rob?"
"'Just a couple of blocks away."
"'Would you go there with me? I love malls."
"'I love 'em too, Mike. Let's roll."

With Bubbles and the security team in place, we went to Water Tower Place, one of the nicest malls in Chicago. Michael headed straight for the Disney store where he was fascinated by a larger-than-life statue of Donald Duck hung above the entrance.

"That's beautiful," said Michael. 'Do you think they'd sell it to me?"
"Couldn't hurt to ask," I said.

—excerpt from the Michael Jackson chapter of R. Kelly'sSoula Coaster: The Diary Of Me, presented without extraneous commentary. [Mercury News]

38-year-old Spartacus: Blood And Sand actor Andy Whitfield had just completed his breakout season in the title role of the FX show when he was diagnosed with stage 4 non-Hodgkin lymphoma. After battling the cancer with 2 rounds of chemo and the support of wife Vashti and two kids, he passed away in September of 2011. The Whitfields had allowed a camera crew to tape the last few months of his battle, and it's now being made into a documentary by Academy Award-nominated director/producer Lilibet Foster. The Kickstarter campaign to fund the full film has already nearly hit its $200,000 goal. [People, Kickstarter]

Oprah Winfrey is launching the revamped Oprah's Book Club 2.0, so DICKS UP, TITS OUT, YOU GUYS. In addition to the traditional paper features, it'll include an e-edition with one of Oprah's house elves' comments Oprah's comments and a reader's guide. The first book tackled will be Wild, a hiking memoir by Cheryl Strayed. [The Grio]

Emily Blunt is grateful to George Clooney for letting her get married at his house. [Showbiz Spy]

"Cher wrote, in a series of tweets, that there will be three Chers represented in the musical. All three Chers will talk and sing to each other." [People]

Nancy Meyers shits on Anna Faris re: a possible remake of '80s movie Private Benjamin: "I don't think it's gonna be good. Goldie [Hawn] was the only one who could play that part." [Contact Music]

Back in the Age of Bennifer, Ben Affleck bought Jennifer Lopez a gem-encrusted travel toilet seat. Do you sometimes feel the world at large is being written by Trey Parker and Matt Stone? [Winnipeg Free Press]

Kirsten Dunst frolicked in her bikini at a burger place. MORE ON THIS STORY AS IT BREAKS. [Page Six]

Fifty Shades of Grey author E.L. James' husband published a novel called It Doesn't Matter Because I'm The Guy Married To The Woman Who Wrote Fifty Shades Of Grey. [Digital Spy]

Matt Bomer, who came out to the press earlier this year, says he never meant to hide anything, but often opted against talking to tabloids because "it's akin to putting your biography on the bathroom wall." [E!]

Burn Notice actor Jeffrey Donovan is engaged to model girlfriend Michelle Woods. As in, she's a model, and his girlfriend, not like "a model girlfriend," although I'm sure she is very nice to him and likewise. [US Weekly]