This Week's Leaders

Masturbation killing sex life

This post will piss a lot of you masturbationers off. However, I still must share what I have found to be true about masturbating. Throughout my adolescence I was an avid self-gratifier and would do so about once a day. When I finally got married years later, I was a virgin and hadn't masturbated in about 5 years.

I have found that sex is much harder to "get off" on than masturbating and a recent article I read explains this problem perfectly. In the article (which was on AOL several months ago) it stated that when one masturbates, a new pathway is created in the brain that is associated with pleasure or orgasm. While we masturbate, we are teaching our brain that this is the way we have an orgasm/this is what turns us on. Having masturbated for years before actually having sex, I believe I trained my brain and I am now having to retrain my brain to orgasm through sex.

I hear of many women on this site that are dissatisfied in the bedroom because their husband never wants sex and I do believe masturbating could be the source of their man's lack of interest.

Re: Masturbation killing sex life

Um, no, actually. Masturbation helps with having orgasms more frequently. Having more orgasms leads to wanting more, which leads to actually wanting sex and thus having more of it. Being a prudish tightwad leads to not enjoying sex and not being able to get off.

By the way, a large proportion of women cannot physically orgasm from penetration alone, because it doesn't stimulate the main cluster of nerve cells, i.e. the clit. Also, FTR, I can and do achieve orgasm different ways depending on what kind of sex I am having: solo (vibe, usually), oral, or penetrative. My neural pathways are working just fine, TYVM.

ETA: some articles in support of masturbation that took about 10 seconds to find, including one from the very conservative Fox News.

Yeah, I'm not buying this. I've masturbated, used vibrators, and I almost always have an orgasm during sex, be it vaginal or oral. Sometimes twice! I think masturbation is perfectly normal and healthy and CONTRIBUTES to a solid sex life between couples.

OP - if you're having trouble having an orgasm from sex, I doubt your self-gratifying tendencies from a decade ago have anything to do with it. On the contrary, I imagine a lack of orgasms over the years is making it harder for you to have an orgasm. If I were you, I'd pick up where you left off and chances are, your sex life with your husband will get exponentially better as time goes on.

It might not be true for you ladies, but I know that I have had a hard time adjusting to sex because I was used to getting off by masturbating. I know that this is true FOR ME, I'm not trying to imply this is true for everyone. Perhaps you all have different sex drives or have had more partners or who knows what, but I know this is true in my case and it could be the same for others.

OP - if you're having trouble having an orgasm from sex, I doubt your self-gratifying tendencies from a decade ago have anything to do with it. On the contrary, I imagine a lack of orgasms over the years is making it harder for you to have an orgasm. If I were you, I'd pick up where you left off and chances are, your sex life with your husband will get exponentially better as time goes on.

Let me say that I have no problem reaching orgasm during sex. However, my husband has to work hard to get me there. Much harder than I did when I stimulated myself.

By the way, a large proportion of women cannot physically orgasm from penetration alone, because it doesn't stimulate the main cluster of nerve cells, i.e. the clit.

Was thinking this exact thing while reading the original post. Just because you can't orgasm from penetration doesn't mean it's because you used to masturbate. Have you tried masturbating while you're having sex? Have you tried having your partner get you off manually? There are plenty of options out there.

OP - if you're having trouble having an orgasm from sex, I doubt your self-gratifying tendencies from a decade ago have anything to do with it. On the contrary, I imagine a lack of orgasms over the years is making it harder for you to have an orgasm. If I were you, I'd pick up where you left off and chances are, your sex life with your husband will get exponentially better as time goes on.

Let me say that I have no problem reaching orgasm during sex. However, my husband has to work hard to get me there. Much harder than I did when I stimulated myself.

I would say that is still pretty normal. Your partner doesn't know EXACTLY what movement will feel good in which way. It's of course easier for you to pleasure yourself. I still don't think it has anything to do with masturbation, but just my opinion.

OP - if you're having trouble having an orgasm from sex, I doubt your self-gratifying tendencies from a decade ago have anything to do with it. On the contrary, I imagine a lack of orgasms over the years is making it harder for you to have an orgasm. If I were you, I'd pick up where you left off and chances are, your sex life with your husband will get exponentially better as time goes on.

Let me say that I have no problem reaching orgasm during sex. However, my husband has to work hard to get me there. Much harder than I did when I stimulated myself.

Um that's because he's not psychic. Not because you got yourself off as a teenager. Since he's not reading your mind while touching you, yeah, chances are he has to do a bit more work than you would yourself.

I masturbate very frequently and have no problem having an orgasm during sex. I don't think my brain has anything confused, to be honest. I can orgasm with my fingers, his fingers, a vibrator, with sex, and definitely with oral (my favorite). You are having issues not because you masturbate, but because you need to teach your husband how to please you. It's easy to get yourself off, because you can immediately tell if something isn't working and can adjust, but your husband isn't in your head and you need to communicate with him when something is working or not.

OP - if you're having trouble having an orgasm from sex, I doubt your self-gratifying tendencies from a decade ago have anything to do with it. On the contrary, I imagine a lack of orgasms over the years is making it harder for you to have an orgasm. If I were you, I'd pick up where you left off and chances are, your sex life with your husband will get exponentially better as time goes on.

Let me say that I have no problem reaching orgasm during sex. However, my husband has to work hard to get me there. Much harder than I did when I stimulated myself.

After reading all these responses, I think I've realized my original post doesn't quite explain what I meant to say. The real issue I was trying to get at was that it used to be much easier for me to become horny or aroused through masturbation. Without masturbating, it is difficult for me to get in the mood. I am having to learn how to become aroused by the touch of my husband rather than doing it myself.

When it comes to orgasm-- I orgasm almost every time we have sex, and the husband makes sure that he is doing much more than just penetration. Hope this clears up my confusing original post!

It's just going to take time. BTW almost anyone can get themselves in the mood and off to the races much faster- YOU KNOW YOUR OWN BODY. You need to share with your partner what works for you. Or- masturbate in front of him to get him going- it will make him crazy :)

After reading all these responses, I think I've realized my original post doesn't quite explain what I meant to say. The real issue I was trying to get at was that it used to be much easier for me to become horny or aroused through masturbation. Without masturbating, it is difficult for me to get in the mood. I am having to learn how to become aroused by the touch of my husband rather than doing it myself.

When it comes to orgasm-- I orgasm almost every time we have sex, and the husband makes sure that he is doing much more than just penetration. Hope this clears up my confusing original post!

Then you're doing it backwards. He should be learning what touches arouse you.

I know that masturbation has seriously hurt my husband's ability to climax. Its been hard for me to deal with but he is very good about reassuring me that even though he doesn't always orgasm he still loves having sex with me. In fact he is usually more frustrated if I can't orgasm then when he can't.

After reading all these responses, I think I've realized my original post doesn't quite explain what I meant to say. The real issue I was trying to get at was that it used to be much easier for me to become horny or aroused through masturbation. Without masturbating, it is difficult for me to get in the mood. I am having to learn how to become aroused by the touch of my husband rather than doing it myself.

When it comes to orgasm-- I orgasm almost every time we have sex, and the husband makes sure that he is doing much more than just penetration. Hope this clears up my confusing original post!

Then you're doing it backwards. He should be learning what touches arouse you.

Then show him where and how you're aroused. There's nothing hotter than a joint effort.

After reading all these responses, I think I've realized my original post doesn't quite explain what I meant to say. The real issue I was trying to get at was that it used to be much easier for me to become horny or aroused through masturbation. Without masturbating, it is difficult for me to get in the mood. I am having to learn how to become aroused by the touch of my husband rather than doing it myself.

When it comes to orgasm-- I orgasm almost every time we have sex, and the husband makes sure that he is doing much more than just penetration. Hope this clears up my confusing original post!

Just show him what you do when you're alone. You don't have to train your body to like something it doesn't. You know what works. Show him. You're making this more complicated than it needs to be.