Post-posting Self-shaming: A Thing?

I almost didn't post this one here, because it's not TOTALLY little-centric, but I think it's an important message to send out there, especially for people of our stripe. So, sorry you have to endure it, but, then again, I don't guess you really have to, do you?

Hola, muchachos and muchachas! Open wide and swaller this little pill, guaranteed to make you feel better. (Disclaimer: guarantee is not a real guarantee!) Come one come all to this extraordinary event, where a (dubious and a matter of much debate) man will expose a weird little piece of his mind, and might even prove to you that you have one just like it.

There's all kinds of shaming: fat-/skinny-shaming, looks-shaming, slut-shaming, tiny-little-wiener-shaming, bodyhair-shaming...and the list goes on. But the most hurtful shame comes from within when we see something about ourselves that we don't like. I know this practice is common among our species, but it's something that is fixable, if we could all just agree that what one person does with their life needs not be something with which you agree. If it's not harmful to others (or in some cases the person their own self), then leave us poor fuckers alone. It's not your job to judge. Unless your a judge, and even then, only in the court room, if you please.

I haven't been much of a picture-poster until recently. I guess I'm just not in that generational loop. But, in the interest of expanding my horizons and nurturing my braver side (difficult to do for little-types, sometimes), I've been posting more pictures of myself (face-free of course) on [Naughty website self-censored for littler ears!]. I've been doing little photoshoots to show all the neat new stuff I've acquired as well as to give other folks an idea as to what and who I am, what I like and what what to expect from the future of fashion. (Mark my words, the next big thing in Paris will be puffy-bottomed Choo-Choo stripe shortalls and pacifiers!) And truth be told? I enjoy doing it. The shooting itself would most definitely be better with a second person, but that's only due to my minimal skill with photography and my ancient (but still digital and pink as an angel's nipple) camera. I like coming up with cute poses that may or may not include shots of my diapers, wet or dry.

And this is where the shame comes in. You see, in between the time you take the pictures (or sometimes even during) and the time when you post them, doubt creeps in with a headful of wasps and a jelly jar, as they say. "What am I doing?" you might ask yourself. "Why in the world would anyone want to look at this?" "Do people really *like* these types of pictures, or will they be making the half-a-worm-in-the-apple face when they see it?" These thoughts, left unchecked, could easily lead to the old chestnuts of "When my [Naughty website self-censored for littler ears!] friends see this, they'll dump me for sure!" and "Why can't I just take a weenie-shot like everybody else? What is wrong with that?" ( The answer to that last part is simple: just about everything.)

Now, let's say you progress beyond this point. Then the shame-chase begins in earnest, friends and neighbors. "Oh my gods, it's been ten minutes and nobody has commented on my posts! It's happening, I can feel my [Naughty website self-censored for littler ears!] friends turning away in disgust. I see them commenting on other photos but not mine! WHY, GODS, WHY!?!?"

And the answer is simple. Your thing is stupid, nobody likes you and if you would please go away that'd be just great. Everybody else knows how to act in this society, but you are a gross little twerp who gets off on weird stuff. Eat hot dicks, dumdum!

Tell me, I dare you, that you've never internalized like that.

So, just as a piece of advice? Those voices are going to continue to come until confronted. How do we confront it? Spears and shields? Sword and nets? Torches and pitchforks? (that one's for a friend, actually!) Nope.

It's easy. Post the gods-damned pictures and quit worrying. You are doing nothing that a million (how many people are on [Naughty website self-censored for littler ears!] anyway?) other folks haven't done. Just look around and you'll see that you're not alone. Post the pics you like, not that you think others will like. Be brave and patient. People will comment when they do and there's not a thing you can do to make them do it any faster. And to those who say "Yeah, but I don't want to be like everyone else." I have only this to say: Too late. You already are.

And there's nothing wrong with that.

To quote (I'm almost certain) Malaclypse the Younger:

"To be a bat's a bum thing,
A silly and a dumb thing,
But at least a bat is something,
And your no thing at all."

Comments

Wow, as someone who gets stick for posting long Blogs I doff my cap to you sir. That is a long (set of) posts!
For future reference, if you post that many after I have spent time carefully crafting a beautiful blog post and bump me from the front page prematurely I will be pissed. *tongue in cheek*(there should be a smiley face for this).
Glad you seem to be getting to a better place now. Life can be really rough some times but it does get better eventually, though some times it seems like it never will. I could tell you a thing or two about personal demons, mine is a master at playing jenga with those chips on my shoulder and he is an expert at bluffing with a rubbish hand, but this is your blog. The important thing is to not listen to it, easier said than done.
I think one thing I have learned over the last few year is to not be put in, or try to put yourself in, a box as far as your AB side is concerned. You like the things you like and there's no harm in trying things out. If someone doesn't like it show them the door. (This is the door it is white with a handle in the middle....). You seem to have that down pretty well though already.
Not sure what to say really... you seem to be in an ok and improving place. Keep us posted. I think your post was mainly for your own catharsis, as are mine so far. Really I just wanted to flag up that I made it to the end am alive to tell the tale, yes I know this is the penultimate post but the ultimate one goes off on a bit of a tangent. We're here and always will be, nuclear holocaust excepted, and we don't think less of you for any of the weird things you post.

Thanks for the comment, ya freakin chatterbox! I thought I had word control issues, but you beat me hands down. I'll keep this short, but I do want you (and any others who care) to know that these posts were written a few months ago, although it seems longer to me. I'm in a super good place right now, with the exception of a the occasional trip to The Swamp, which is my cute little pet name for the agonizing bouts of dark feelings, worthlessness and constantly leaking eyeballs. Trips there are becoming fewer and farther between. Thanks the gods.