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The Double Meaning behind the blog title 'Dream Follower:'

First, for 14 years I was a ballroom & social dance instructor, and have studied both leading and following. I feel that learning to follow is full of nuance and is often misunderstood. I made it one of my personal goals to become a really excellent follow on the dance floor, and will probably talk a lot about the art of following - both in and out of the context of dance.

Second, I am a huge fan of author Michael Ende, probably best known for The Neverending Story. The book is incredible, and the first film captured some of the essence. (Please don't watch the other two films...I urge you to read the book though!) Anyway, at least twice in my life I have been caught in a storm of my own indecision, and my inner Moon Princess yelled to my inner Bastian...'Why don't you do what you dream?' I tear up even now as I write this little blurb. The tension between being practical, keeping my feet on the ground and my head out of the clouds (at the risk of compromising my inner vibrancy, true self, and who knows what else)...and reaching for my true dreams (at the risk of losing everything) is still a very real struggle. In fact, one of those struggles lead to my 14 years of teaching dance, so we can see which voice won the battle that fateful day when I was staring at the want-ad...

And so I strive to be two kinds of Dream Followers in my life. One has to do with connecting with others, and the other has to do with connecting with my inner Moon Princess and the world of possibility that opens when I do...

Monday, April 7, 2014

Reflections...

Reflect means to ponder...but it also brings to mind the still waters of a lake mirroring the image of the mountain and sky.

I don't mean this to become reflexive, which means both a knee jerk response and also a binary flow of referring to oneself/itself.

Too wordy.

If I accept that the things around me that I dislike are reflecting parts of me right back at me, it is quite uncomfortable. It is also when I learn the most. Someone famous said no one can offend you without your permission, so if I am offended by something someone says or does is it because I'm invested in opposing that behavior? Or does it trigger something inside me? It can only upset me if I allow it to upset me.

So I revisit the ages old dilemma (at least in my life) of whether to try to detach and how to do it without becoming a shadow of myself. I was fascinated by stoicism in college years, and even made an attempt to be stoic as described by Epictetus. To no avail, of course. I am dealt a heavy hand of Empathy by both nature and nurture and trying to detach from feelings was like trying to divorce myself from myself. I have studied a little here and there also about meditation, letting go of ego, and read among various religious and non-religious meditations things that encourage me (us, humanity) to allow thoughts to flow through the mind as clouds do through the sky without becoming overly attached to their meaning, significance, importance, etc.

On some days I'm in tune with letting go. Like sandcastles built all day and flushed away by the tide, or chalk drawings washed away by rain, so too flow by the dramas of daily life.

My soul may be old, but I still have many lessons to learn.

Perhaps I will one day let go even of trying to do it right, this letting go business. Maybe one day I will be content to be.

In the meantime my head goes round and round these circular reflections, enjoying to challenge, enjoying to ponder, enjoying to chase deeper meanings in things around me.