Local killjoys, who couldn’t stand the sound of children playing next door, now face a fine for installing a device that, when activated, sent the youngsters scampering back to the safety of their computer screens.

Mr and Mrs Green read about anti-loitering equipment online, and decided to fashion their own to counter the sounds of joyful enthusiasm coming from next door’s garden.

“I don’t mind children” said Mr Green, “but they should be seen and not heard. It got so bad that we couldn’t sit out in the garden without hearing them laugh or politely ask their mum if they could help with anything.”

“Then during the Rugby World Cup we realised how annoying that anthem was – like fingers being dragged down a blackboard – so we play short bursts of Paloma Faith at full blast until the bastards go back inside.”

The council are investigating, with Mr and Mrs Green being told their conduct is having a detrimental effect on the quality of life of others in the locality.

“It’s not the volume” said Cllr Bob Crossley “it’s just that Paloma’s rendition of World in Union is utter shite. No-one should have to put up with that.”