Katie and Suri Cruise were spotted at a Japan airport walking their three chupacabras Otto, Xenu and Oprah with titanium rhinestone leashes. Intrepid reporter RabbiTechno caught them off guard in a ladies room, and asked about their experiences with three voracious, psychotic predators as pets.

Before either of them could get a word out, husband Tom Cruise wandered into the conversation and began breathing heavily onto RabbiTechno's hair. "Aren't they cute?" he asked no one in particular. "We've had them for almost a year, and they've share so much love with us. After Suri goes to bed, we talk all night about body thetans. Sometimes we do heroine"

Pam Anderson has had a couch made from chupacabra hides. She told UnNews Composure1"The couch smell reminds the little shits (a chupacabra bitch with a litter of four) who's boss. Once they're good and scared of me, they love me to death!"

Venezuela protests excessive breeding to UN

Hugo Chavez has personally registered a protest with the United Nations, claiming that "The Hollywood elite cabal, which is trying to control all free peoples like that of Venezuela, is perpetrating a crime against goats. Raising these monsters (chupacabras) in captivity is a conspiracy concocted by the imperiallist devils in the United States, Israel, and Tasmania."