Ted Mosby has dated a lot of women on How I Met Your Mother. We wouldn't call him a "slut" exactly, nor would we describe his dates as "random skanks," but the architect has certainly had more than his fair share of Mrs. Right Nows along his journey to find Mrs. Right. Some of them were guest stars, some of them were series regulars, and some of them didn't even have names (sorry, Blah Blah – we mean, Carol). But rich or poor, blonde or brunette, one thing united them: They all fell under Mosby's strange spell.

And now is the time, in the grand tradition of nuts and pies, to rank them.

A full accounting of all the women Ted has been involved with during HIMYM's nine-season run would take a lifetime to go through, so we're leaving off the one-night stands (sorry, Trudy), the one-date wonders (sorry, Jen) and all of the drunken make-out partners (sorry, Amy). Instead, we're focusing on the ones who made an impact, the women who stuck around by virtue of their good humor, sex appeal or the fame level of the actress who played them. We'll be starting with the worst and moving on the best – and you might be surprised when you see who ended up at No. 1.

10. Karen

Laura Prepon (right) and Josh Radnor in How I Met Your Mother

Sonja Flemming / CBS

Played by: Laura Prepon
Number of episodes: Three

There were worse women who appeared on How I Met Your Mother – we will never forgive Vicky from "The Naked Man" for her opinion on Pablo Neruda – but of all of Ted's official girlfriends, Karen was the pits. She cheated on him, then cheated with him, and in general was just a frustrating person to be around. When Prepon showed up in prison on Orange Is the New Black, a tiny part of us hoped she was locked up for crimes against Ted Mosby.

9. Zoey

Jennifer Morrison (left) and Josh Radnor in How I Met Your Mother

Monty Brinton / CBS

Played by: Jennifer Morrison
Number of episodes: 13

A collection of words fans used to describe Zoey during HIMYM's sixth season: "so annoying," "manipulative," "ugh" and "basically a sociopath." She treated Ted fairly crappily in both his personal and professional life, and on top of that she broke the heart of Kyle MacLachlan, too! Unforgivable.

8. Becky

Laura Bell Bundy in How I Met Your Mother

Matt Kennedy / FOX

Played by: Laura Bell Bundy
Number of episodes: Five

Becky had one character trait, and it was that she talked like a baby. In the realm of HIMYM characters with a single defining trait, that comes somewhere between "Is really gullible" and "Knows Krav Maga." Still, she ended up marrying Kyle MacLachlan, so she must have had some redeeming qualities.

7. Cindy

Rachel Bilson (left) and Josh Radnor in How I Met Your Mother

Eric McCandless / FOX

Played by: Rachel Bilson
Number of episodes: Four

She and Ted didn't have that much in common, until they had too much in common, especially their taste in women. She's probably the only HIMYM character to kiss both Ted and The Mother, though.

6. Jeanette

Abby Elliott (right) and Josh Radnor in How I Met Your Mother

Ron P. Jaffe / FOX

Played by: Abby Elliott
Number of episodes: Five

Hear us out. Yes, this policewoman was slightly unstable. But that very instability was the exact thing that made Ted get serious about settling down. And, more important, she was the one who finally got rid of Ted's red cowboy boots. Fire – their only weakness!

5. Naomi (aka "The Slutty Pumpkin")

Katie Holmes (left) and Josh Radnor in How I Met Your Mother

Monty Brinton / CBS

Played by: Katie Holmes
Number of episodes: Two

Honest. Level-headed. Romantic enough to nurse a crush for 10 years. Great taste in Halloween costumes. If Naomi had only had any chemistry with Ted, she would have been the perfect woman.

4. Stella

Sarah Chalke (left) and Josh Radnor in How I Met Your Mother

Eric McCandless / FOX

Played by: Sarah Chalke
Number of episodes: 10

With Stella, how do you balance the good (the "two-minute date," quite possibly the best thing HIMYM has ever done) with the bad (leaving Ted at the altar)? As the series pointed out, you don't have to. As a man who is the exact opposite of Ted in every way once said, "Stelllllaaaaaa!"

3. Robin

Cobie Smulders (right) and Josh Radnor in How I Met Your Mother

Carin Baer / FOX

Played by: Cobie Smulders
Number of episodes: 208

The first few seasons of Ted and Robin's roller-coaster relationship were handled almost perfectly. From the sucker-punch ending of "And that's how I met your aunt Robin" in the pilot, to their romance and devastating breakup in season two, to their subsequent friendship in season three, it all worked on us like a charm. Then Robin and Barney got together, which seemingly put the Ted and Robin thing to bed for good. But it didn't take, and the on-off romantic tension between them continued for five whole years! It took Ted literally until the day of Robin's wedding to let Robin get away for good – even Lost didn't string along its love triangles for that long.

2. The Mother

Cristin Milioti (right) and Josh Radnor in How I Met Your Mother

Ron P. Jaffe / FOX

Played by: Cristin Milioti
Number of episodes: 25

Let's get this out of the way: The Mother (both as a character and as played by Milioti) is fantastic. She's almost single-handedly redeemed every part of season nine she touches. But there were times before we met her that we feared she would end up only being a collection of adorable quirks and ... in our heart of hearts, we have to admit that she still kind of is. Blame the structure of the season, and of the series itself: The show has spent so much time telling us she's perfect for Ted, and so little time actually showing them together, that their romance feels a little weightless, especially compared to what Ted had with our number-one choice ...

1. Victoria

Ashley Williams (left) and Josh Radnor in How I Met Your Mother

Cliff Lipson / CBS

Played by: Ashley Williams
Number of episodes: 16

Maybe it's our residual love for Good Morning Miami talking, but we were hoping Victoria was The One for Ted ever since her first appearance in season one, and her brief return a few years ago only solidified the feeling. She was smart, she was funny, she baked – all perfect qualities on a Mosby-style checklist – but she was also mature and assertive enough to call Ted on his BS when the occasion called for it. This season, Robin agreed: "The pastry chef was the best. No question." She might be a little too good for Ted, but hey – if we're being honest, most of the women on planet Earth are too good for Ted.

Below, watch PEOPLE's super cut of all the women who aren't the mother on How I Met Your Mother: