A Word From The Hammer

I just want it to be very clear, the opinions expressed in this blog are the sole expressions of the insanity escaping the skin barrier of Danny Hammer, its creator and (at the moment) sole contributor. Its purpose is strictly for entertainment (mostly at my expense, masochist that I am).

Monday, March 14, 2011

Monday Un-obstacles

It's day 65 and fuck shit ass cunt.

You believe this nutjob got a book deal?

Anyway, it was a wonderful weekend of banging my cock in the toilet seat and riding my bicycle, at separate times of course (you silly fucks). A friend of mine told me years ago that Henry Rollins talked about slamming his cock in a toilet seat on one of his spoken word albums. The story went something like he was in a hotel room and he had a bunch of free time so he decided to try doing this thing his friend told him that he was into, cock slamming in the toilet seat. Rollins went on to say that as he was cock slamming, it never felt good but there was a moment when it stopped feeling bad. I figure I won't get to the point where not ejaculating ever feels good but it might not suck so much, you know? Like I'll transcend the need for orgasm completely. Like I'll see the face of god in a dream. Then I started slamming my cock in the toilet seat and I realized that celibacy is the dumbest fucking thing anyone could ever do. This us easily the stupidest personal experiment I've ever conducted, and I've done some stupid experiments on myself. So, as I was cock slamming, I never reached the point that Henry Rollins got to. I don't know how long hew was slamming his cock in the toilet seat but I did it for about an hour. All I got was a sore dick and my downstairs neighbor complained about the noise. Fuck Henry Rollins. Fuck cock slamming. Fuck toilet seats. And most of all, fuck celibacy.

I haven't done an unobstacle post in quite some time so I figured since uncle pedo won't shut the fuck up about all the asses in the last post, I'd do a post that would keep his fucking mouth shut.

A curse on both your nipples.

She has been blessed.

Monday Un-obstacle #1: Chicks with Shrinking Boobs.

I think if you've read this blog at all in the past you'd have to be at least mildly retarded to not pick up on the fact that its author, Mr. Hammer, loves himself a good pair of snuggle pups that are big enough to make me hurt my back lifting them. It should be absolutely no surprise that when a girl's sweater kittens start to shrink, I have no use for her. If I wanted to spend time with cast away from the boob squad who has to switch teams and take notes at the meetings of the Itty-Bitty-Titty-Committee I would have continued dating high school girls (stop agreeing with me uncle pedo, I said girls). Anyway you look at it, shrinking tits are awful, especially since a girl's self-worth should be directly in proportion to her bra size, and I don't mean the numbers. Plus, and I don't know if they're still teaching this in the schools but little tits are a sign of witchcraft, not that the tiny tit owner is a witch but rather that she is cursed in so many ways. Generally, I recommend to my friends with chesticle impairment that they adopt a morally casual attitude about blowing guys to make up for their obvious biological handicap. Shrinking tits, however, are straight up the work of the devil and deserve a good shunning, or a nicely executed Grunting Porkchop.

Monday Un-obstacle #2: Animals with Erections.

Trust me, there's an erection in there.

I apologize, Penis Whale and Erection Bat, but looking at turgid animal cocks makes my penis pull its turtle shell over its head. I hate looking at animals with erections. After the jump is a collection of animal pictures that I fucking hate. If there's anything that would stop me from blowing a big, rubbery, penis loogie all over the spankerchief I keep next to my desk, it's pictures of animal erections. One time, at a buddy's bachelor party I had a chance to bang the stripper. Over in the corner the best man had started a farm animal fuck film, you know beastiality. While I was working on convincing Bambi or Candy or Destiny or whatever the fuck she was calling herself into blowing me I caught a glimpse of a moderately attractive female farmhand taking it in the shitter from a stallion (and by stallion I mean horse). My erection disappeared quicker than Gary Busey at a random drug test. And I love strippers. Enjoy the gallery of erection killers.

FTW. Here's beautiful picture of the Snorg Tees model, Ashley Pridgen. She has great tits, and now she has some sweet stripper tats to go with them.

2 comments:

You do know this last comment was a joke, right? Come on you silly ass monkey. Throw us a post. Highly entertaining but most importantly it's how some of those that care keep track of a friend's sanity.