Was I to give thanks... I guess its sleeping with the enemy.. The people that helped create my Dissociate disorder are a disorder. Nothing knew under the son. Its just that they don't stop. their not friends of mine, even if they are family. Their not family really. They've turned into scum bags. They seem to think their better then I am. They are simply getting away with it. Yet I prayed and got a meal out of it. It almost cost me my integrity. I wasn't alone . I have an older brother that tried really hard to fit in.. he doesn't understand, its all a joke. Just sick people making him perform like a monkey. Their unethical. Yet, they have privilege.

I use the term privilege. Those that are privileged not to have problems. Or, problems they have to deal with simply because they function in ways that give them relationships or the access to money on a regular basis. Money that allows them to buy a home , have a family and equate them with God like status to others that aren't so fortunate. I see that they assume they are superior. Yet, I went to Thanks Giving at their house.

First,. If a person appears to think they are better then me or others, Im gone. That is what happened here when I enter the house. I had to re-adjust everything. My PTSD is going off. The Alters in me are beginning to shake, and they tell me to run. Run for my life as they recognize the people that are in that house. These are not friends. They are people that need me to play the weak person role. They are not the kind of people My PTSD personalities need to be around.

They are not better, They are not even in the ball park. yet , I do not force others to except me the way they aught to. They either do, or I stay away from them. I have nothing they want. my personality means nothing to them.

However, I prayed about it,. and God thought it would be a good idea if I went. thought I was ready. I have the kind of relationship with God that I can tell when he's communicating in the real world. I depend on God for my life.

next year, I will save my money and take others out to a nice Brunch. People that will appreciate it. people that appreciate me...

I know the people involved are sick. Yet, they would let me die at a moments notice. They think Im a weakling and a dead beat. nothing more. And that its a tiresome nuisance for me to have to deal with. They see no reason to deal with me because they have it going on. They are Gods, I am one of the follower weaklings in the background that worships the whole idea of them from a distance. Thats what they think. As they think on nothing other then themselves. These people have not figured out , that descent people don't need to tell them their wrong. Decent people don't have to show their goods. If Ive Got the Goods any way. Why do I have to show any one anything. That is what really bugs me.

I went, and I did the following.

I have to remember: These people are controlling. They think they have a right to run the world and control everyone under them. They assume their are better people.

I hunkered down on the couch in the living room of their home. next. I prayed, and got paper and pencil and begin to write. Next, I prayed, next I went outside and on my knees and prayed. Next, Into one of their rooms and prayed. I left the table every 5 to 10 minutes to pray on my knees in a privet place. Then I went outside and stayed outside and left. unfortunately I had to see some of these people before I left. I will not associate with people that pull that middle class slop on me. I don't have time for that stupidity. neither do the dying in this land who need help..