I’ve Been Lying To Myself For Too Long

You could see it in my posture. If you talked to me in person, you could tell. My shoulders were slumped, my face tense, and my eyes avoiding any sort of eye contact with anyone. It was reflected in my writing, or lack of writing, and it seeped into my business. My workouts were suffering, my diet was full of junk food and candy, and I made no positive moves for life and business. I was stuck and scared and I lied to everyone, including myself.

I’m a member of a mastermind for my personal and professional growth. I’ve been a part of the same group of men for nearly three years, maybe more I just can’t remember. I know these men. I believe in them, they believe in me and I trust them. But for too long now I’ve been lying through my teeth. Every few months we get together and talk business and life and what’s going on in the fitness industry, and how our families are doing. We usually each get up in front of the group and discuss a problem or opportunity or decision we need help with. Up until the most recent weekend with the guys, I ducked out of the last two meetings when it was getting close to my turn to be in front of the guys. I sincerely apologize for my lack of effort to help each other, but I couldn’t stand there and lie anymore. Instead, I ran.

See, the thing is, I was afraid of talking about the problems and opportunities that would actually matter. Things that would make more change than anything else. I didn’t need advice on coaching or gym scheduling or running new programs. I needed advice on how to get unstuck and out of my own head. For almost the entire year of 2015 I was drifting through my day with no passion and far from my purpose. This lack of initiative seeped into this year and has stuck with me like an infant Elephant. The force of being stuck and caught in my head was enough to set me back far in business, family, and more. I didn’t want to lie and I couldn’t gather up the guts to speak the truth.

Then I did. This past weekend I cut out the bullshit and bled on the table for the guys to see. I talked about my struggles with being a stay at home dad. I talked about the struggles of waking up so early every single day. I talked about my bullshit made up story of “writer’s block” and I let them know I needed help to overcome myself and get out of the quicksand that was slowly sinking me into a dark depression.

What I realized is that my tendency to hide my true thoughts and feelings is not healthy and in order to ever change, I needed to share that. We all need to share it. Keeping feelings and thoughts inside creates stress and tension and it will build up and either kill your health or make major problems in life. I was going through the motions wearing a smile on my face like shit was good. It wasn’t and I’m happy to honestly say that and to even be sharing it here. Today, I feel different. I feel awake and alive for the first time in several years. I’m finally writing again. I feel like I’m living my life activated, as I teach and write about it and my energy is through the roof.

I don’t know where to put my finger on the change but there are two things you need to know:

1. You need to be with people just like you. If you’re a man, you need time with men. If you’re a woman, you need time with other women. You need to use that time to talk about what ever the fuck you want. You just need to be recharged within the presence of people who are like you. Get together a group of men and bring up a problem and together, they will find an answer. I’m not sure if that works for women, but I assume so.

2. You need to open yourself up and let other people help you. We’re all stuck in our heads. We live in a society where it’s hard to say you’re not happy or that you need help. It’s hard to talk about sex or money or our dreams and goals, but we need to sack up and be the person we were meant to be. Without opening ourselves to others and ASKING for HELP, we will never live our life truly activated. Never.