Go Home America, You’re Drunk

To everyone I’ve talked to about this election over the last year, all the ones I’ve tried to reassure that though there are people in this world who think like he does and though his run may be amusing to a segment of the population for a while that there was no way Donald Trump could actually win…I’m sorry. I honestly believed that even though it might be closer than people were figuring, when push came to shove most American voters would be smart enough to cut through the personality and the big talk and see Donald Trump for the racist, sexist, dishonest, hateful, insecure maniac that he is. I was wrong. I don’t know what else to say.

To America, I respect your decision. Not because the thought of Donald fucking Trump as the leader of the free world backed by a Republican Senate and Congress doesn’t kinda scare me half to death even from a distance, but because you went out and voted, and no matter how impossibly reckless what you did may be, you got what you wanted. Good luck with that. I sincerely hope that it works out for you and that nobody gets hurt.

To Hillary Clinton, hang in there. Being known by all until the end of time as the person who lost a federal election to Donald J. Trump in the year of our lord 2016 won’t be easy, but you’ll make it through. You seem far too smart and resilient not to.

To Donald Trump, I don’t like you and I don’t trust you, but dammit, I’m stuck with you. Yes I’m Canadian, but as a real estate guy I’m sure you understand how much a crazy neighbour can mess with your property values. For the love of god, please don’t be that crazy neighbour. That stuff you said this morning about bridging divides and wanting to be a President for everyone, do that.

And to the world, stay strong. Respect each other. Take care of each other. And don’t lose sight of the fact that as awful as things may feel right now, this isn’t the first time they’ve felt this way. We survived those, we’ll survive this. Like the song says…