Question

How can I explain to my friend that if my daughter isn't welcome, I can't come to her wedding?

I'm the matron of honor at my best friend's wedding -- but she just announced that kids aren't invited. I have no relatives or friends in the city where she's getting married, and it's out of the question to leave my 2-year-old with a stranger. I'm not about to ask my husband to miss the party so he can baby-sit! How can I explain to my friend that if my daughter isn't welcome, I can't come to the wedding?

Mom Answers

I totally agree with your best friend. It is her day and though she may love your child dearly, she is just not invited. Forget bringing along another person to the wedding to watch her because that just makes 2 people that are not invited! If you can not find a sitter that can stay home with your child then you should just decline being in the wedding. Before it is too late of course. I too requested that children not come to my wedding and a cousin brought her son anyways. It was a disaster!! First off I have this child sticking some sort of body part into about a third of all of my wedding pictures. Then at my reception the kid spilled a bottle of green colored bubbles all over my beautiful white (not to mention very expensive) wedding gown. That was right after he threw up about a pounds worth of mostaccoli on my ring bearer. Oh yeah and he sceamed during the entire ceremony. I never forgave her for bringing him to the wedding.

Respect your friends wishes and find someone to babysit - that's YOUR responsibility as a parent.
My sister had kids at her wedding and they screamed during the wedding vows - hence the video of the event excluded the vocals and had music playing instead - totally wrecked the whole video as we didn't get to hear the vows.
And... the irresponsible parents didn't even bother to remove their kids from the church - they just carried on and spoilt it for everyone.

if you are close enough to be the matron of honor, you should be able to talk to your friend about this. maybe the two of you can come up with a comprimise, such as having someone she knows watching your baby in a nearby room at the wedding and reception, that way you can check in, and your friend can have her child free reception...

I just lived through this!!!! My best friend was married in May and I had just had my first child in December. I lived in another town from the wedding site and was very nervous about fulfilling my duties as an attendant and fulfilling my duties as a new, breast-feeding Mommy. My best friend and I had a tearful talk for about an hour and she offered to provide a room at the hotel for a grandparent or sitter to watch my daughter. Then, my husband and I could go check on her and I could nurse her instead of "pump and dumping" all night. Actually, it turned out to be fabulous to have an evening dressed up with my husband. I wish you all the best.

If the invitations say no children under the age of "x", it should be respected, not shunned. I have been to so many weddings that have been ruined by small children crying or running around. Or during the ceremony, a mom has to get up and down numerous times. It is very rude distracting and as a wife and mother, even I found this extremely annoying and disrespectful. The bride and groom are only asking for one special day !! I find it extremely childish when friends say, "If my baby can't go, they won't go." Why? Why should a child be allowed into someone's most cherished day with the possibility that it could be ruined? As a maid of honor, don't you think you could honor your friend just for a couple of hours?

Leave your kid home with grandparents and you and your husband take a trip together. This is her big day, don't ruin it...make her feel special and ease the stress on her. She is under enough pressure already as it is with all the planning and wedding stuff.

You absolutely have to find a sitter for the occasion. Contrary to many of the responses, I've never been to a wedding where infants and toddlers were invited. (with an exception for the flower girl/ring bearer, which in most cases, the parents try to find a sitter before the reception starts so they can enjoy their evening) Please keep in mind if the bride invites your child, she is obligated to invite everyone's children. Receptions are an adult celebration, not Romper Room. The results would be a disaster. And also keep in mind the bride's budget. Caterers charge per head, and children are not excluded from the price. You must respect the bride's wishes and not cause her anymore stress. If you don't have any possible sitters, ask the bride for the phone numbers of her friend's and famiy who have young one's who are being babysatt and have your child stay with them for the night. If you don't feel comfortable leaving your child with the sitter long, leave the wedding after all the 'wedding party' introductions and such are complete.

My family just attended a wedding where children were invited. My son was the ring bearer, and he is only 22 months old. He didn't quite make it down the aisle himself (daddy, a groomsman, went and picked him up about half way). No one thought the wedding was ruined! Everyone came up to us afterward and said how adorable he was. In fact, having children at this wedding brought joy and entertainment. Those of you who think that a child is capable of completely ruining a bride and groom's "special day" need to get your perspective realigned. Most parents are more than able to manage their children, at any age, at a wedding. Now, to BeckyYtoo, I have never heard of parents letting their child get away with such awful behavior. I'd say you have the one exception. Children should be appreciated for the joy they bring to a celebration, not shunned for being "imperfect." After all, who's wedding day was actually flawless, even if children weren't there?

Since when do brides have to find/hire babysitters for other peoples children?! My husband and I paid for our own wedding and our budget was so tight some cousins and some friends weren't invited and singles couldn't bring guests. If anyone even suggested to me I pay for a babysitter for their kids I would have pulled them off my list so fast and replaced them w/ guests from the "B" list.
This day is not about you. This day is not about your child. This day is about your bestfriend. Either go to the wedding and let your husband care for his child at home (notice I didn't say babysit. Because he's not a babysitter, he's a father). Or politely decline the invitation as matron of honor. Brides have enough headaches of their own. Don't give her yours and try to make her now responsible for solving it.

Please folks get a grip. Kids and formal events do not mix. It is the one day of a lifetime for a couple to get married..And WHY on earth would you want a little child being a flower girl or ring bearer when everyone knows full well how emotional they can be? People pay a great deal of money for this event, why chance having something go wrong? There are so many other situations out of a couple's control, don't let this be one of them. For any woman who gets upset with this answer, think about it rationally. Yes, you love your child but not everyone else HAS to-one woman thought it w/b cute for her 14 mo.old daughter to walk down the aisle-hey lady, who's wedding is it: yours, your kid's or your friend's?. THEY will get married one day. If you get offeneded then you are not looking at the situation clearly.

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