Sometime in early first millennium, somewhere in Bethlehem. The Supreme Dictator of the World parented a son, Jesus Christ. Everyone in Christianity looks up to them and they have been depicted many times in statues and paintings.

Contents

The acts of Mary

The Birth of Jesus

And Mary sayeth upon Archangel Gabriel, "Look, if you don't make me a bloody cup of coffee, I'll smite you to hell!"

The Virgin Mary gave birth to Jesus on Christmas Day AD 0[1], all on her own as well, without the help for the shepherds, Joseph or no damn innkeeper.

She rode the donkey to Bethlehem [2], found the inn and gave birth to God's son. After all this, Joseph tried to kidnap Jesus and claim that he was the father, instead of God.

Mary dealt with this; she made Jesus slap Joseph, putting him back in his rightful place in the family, the slave[3]. Joseph then went on to leave the family, leaving Mary to get on with her life.

Miracles

"According to the Bible, Jesus worked many miracles in the course of his ministry, which may be categorized into cures, exorcisms, dominion over nature, three instances of raising the dead, and various others."

This information from Wikipedia is wrong, these miracles have in fact been attributed to Mary operating from her home during her rise to fame as the Supreme Dictator of the World. For example, the man who was a mute was cured because the demon was drove out of him. Before this was linked to Jesus, however, recent revelations reveal that this was in fact Mary. Mary beat this man many times and used a scare tactic to get it out of him.

Another miracle that was falsely attributed to Jesus was the curing of a deaf person. The early reports of the disciples said that Mary healed this man. In spite of that, Mary did not want to be famous as doing this would take the limelight away from God and his son. She managed to silence the disciples by "dealing" with them one by one.

Mary wanted to get a bigger stage to act from, somewhere she could act unseen and be omnipresent at the same time.

Dictating the World

"Get back to work you lazy fools!"

Mary found where she could gain herself this stage, Heaven, where she wasn't suspected of doing the great things that Jesus "did". To get there, assumption was used by god to unite her body and soul in heaven. God was able to do this because Mary had been out on the town for 30 long years[4] and so this was a good excuse to hurry up the death process.

Mary spent the rest of her working life making a few large miracles, for example the fact that people can get out of bed on time. She ender her reign as Supreme Dictator of the World sometime in the middle of World War 2; leading Germany to defeat.