Calling All Degenerate Gamblers: Odds & Best Bets For Dancing With The Stars Season 23

Tonight begins the 23rd season of Dancing With the Stars so I’ll review the odds and make my best bests. Jeez, how the hell has this c-list celebrity worshipping garbage show been around for 23 seasons? There must be a lot of degenerate gamblers out there betting on the winner.

Full disclosure, I’ve never watched a second of Dancing With the Stars in my life so my predictions are basically totally groundless. I’m just a guy who writes on the internet who used to have a gambling problem and is getting paid to post #content. So if I were you I’d take this post as mere entertainment rather than gospel on which to wager all your money on. Probably not the best idea to bet on Dancing With The Stars to begin with, but you do you.

16-year-old Olympic gymnast Laurie Hernandez is a big favorite at +250. That makes a lot of sense but with 11 other competitors vying to win plus Rick Perry, that’s not good value.

Amber Rose used to dance for a living, but unless they do lap dances on Dancing With The Stars- and if they do I’ve really been missing out all these years- I don’t foresee a strong correlation between stripping and ballroom dancing.

Vanilla Ice has gotten some buzz because he’s a former entertainer who had some solid onstage dance moves, but that was before I was born and I’m 23 years old. The guy is three times as old as Laurie Hernandez, and I’m skeptical that he can still dance as well as he used to.

Calvin Johnson at +750 is interesting, because he was a Hall of Fame-caliber wide receiver with excellent footwork, and just recently retired at the top of his game. But while Megatron may have the moves, I doubt he’ll have enough charisma to stand out from the pack.

So who is my best bet? Ryan Lochte. Lochte is in excellent physical condition and has won 12 Olympic medals. Sure he’s a total jabroni but America loves a redemption story, and I expect Lochte to work hard to make that a reality. Whether he will actually win is anybody’s guess, but 10:1 odds looks like solid value.

But again, you should think twice before you bet on this especially if you’re consulting my ignorant advice.