Tough Love: Not Always The Best Way To Deal With A Family Alcoholic or Addict

Addiction is a complex, chronic condition that is exceptionally hard to treat. Over the past century, a number of interventions and treatment methods have been developed in an attempt to help addicts overcome dependency on drugs and alcohol – one of the most well known, and controversial ones is the ‘tough love’ approach.

Tough Love

‘Tough love’ advocates that friends, family members, and addictions therapists allow the alcoholic or addict to hit ‘rock bottom’ to force the addict to accept help. That means taking drastic, hardline measures designed to stop all enabling behaviors – this could mean cutting the addict off financially, refusing to take their phone calls, or only agreeing to have contact with the addict once they got sober.

Unfortunately, this ‘tough love’ approach to helping addicts is at best risky, and at it’s worst, can have deadly consequences. After all, would you throw your child out in the streets just because they refused to get help for their diabetes or cancer, in hopes they would come to their senses? That’s exactly what ‘tough love’ advocates push for, however, this harsh, all-or-nothing technique can have deadly consequences.

Before the opioid crisis drug overdoses were a relatively rare occurrence, which meant that addictions counselors and loved ones of addicts could take a hardline stance in dealing with addicts – after all, despite the fact that addictions were dangerous, most addicts would actually ‘hit bottom’ rather than suffer from a deadly overdose.

Today’s addiction climate is dramatically different – opioid addicts are dying at alarming rates, and addiction to substances like Fentanyl, heroin, OxyContin, and morphine happens fast. Increasingly, addictions experts, doctors, family members, and addicts themselves are recognizing that the ‘tough love’ approach simply doesn’t work for addicts who are using highly toxic substances.

The New Approach To Helping Heroin Addicts

Stories of parents, counselors, and recovering addicts abandoning the ‘tough love’ approach towards helping active addicts in favor of a compassionate, supportive stance are emerging – along with reports that this ‘new approach’ is actually working.

Increasingly, experts and addicts alike are returning to the fundamentals of the disease model of addiction – they’re recognizing that people who are dependent upon substances are ill, and like anyone with an illness, addicts deserve respect, understanding, and a non-judgmental approach.

This means that the addicts are now being viewed as people who have serious, life-threatening conditions that need help – not judgment and shaming. The new approach to addicts involves a combination of behavioral therapy, science, medical treatment, and an understanding of the fact that addicts are suffering from a recognizable, valid disease – much like someone who have diabetes, cancer, or some other life-threatening condition.

By shifting away from the ‘tough love’ approach, family members, friends, and therapists who work with addicts are focusing on a gentler, more empathetic approach to addiction. This takes the shame and judgment away, encouraging the addict to get the help they need.

Of course, that’s not to say that friends, family members, and recovering addicts should enable harmful behaviors of active addicts, but when people who are actively using drugs and alcohol are treated with compassion, caring, and support, the outcomes are better for everyone involved.

4 responses to “Tough Love: Not Always The Best Way To Deal With A Family Alcoholic or Addict”

I totally agree. The problem is is treatment facilities are not up to date with this new thinking. Perhaps expensive rehabs are but facilities for the poor or ones that are court ordered are punitive causing addict to be wrapped up in it for years. Once trapped in the legal system there seems to be no way out. Medication is not given such as suboxin and one must be clean of all meds, even those for anxiety that the patient may have always taken. The judicial system KIDNAPS their children and holds them for ransom until recovery occurs. How does one get well when their child is taken. They prolong success by a missed test or being late for a test or the test is a normal until enough time has passed that the child is adopted. How will mommy or daddy ever be well after that. Our society is cruel and ignorant. My son is broken…not from the drug but from the system.

my brother was born an alcoholic as my father before him he also took to takeing amphetamines and got to a chronic stage of takeing every day but as a sister i never gave up on him i managed his money for 22years so he kept bills paid and a roof over his head he had been useing for 40yrs when on the 17th march 2018 we found him dead in his flati am heart broken as i saw him most days and miss him like you would never believe but i never ever let him down or give up on him as before drugs my brother would help anybody or do anything for you he went through several personality changes with the drugs some i hated and did not recognize him as my brother but i truly believe he would have died a long time ago if we had give up on him i cry because i dont know if he lay in pain or if he knew he was dying it was 3 days we had not heard from him so we went to his flat the smell through the letterbox let us know what we had to face it hurts no one was with him that may have helped him survive we were told pulmonary hypertension and phnumonnia was the cause of death but i believe it was an overdose of amphetamine as both have same symptoms he was fine in friday dead on saturday tom love and miss you so much

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Robert M. has been in recovery since 1988. He is a sponsor and loyal member of AA. He has been working in the drug and alcohol field for nearly 20 years. During that time, he has written industry blogs and articles for a variety of industry websites including Transitions, Malibu Horizons, Behavioral Health of the Palm Beaches and Lifeskills of Boca Raton.

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