My Life. My Views

I was chatting with a friend today after a long time… I am going to quote him/her here to get an opinion about the statement… I would like an unbiased opinion to what he/she said.

Ek aurat ke liye sabse bada achievement and function hota hai ghar grihasti sambhalna … and end result a good child … this is the basic function …wohh agar profession field main bahut successful ho gayi but is basic field main nahin, to usse ek failure hi maana jayega…

For those who cant understand hindi, here is a rough translation: For a woman, the biggest achievement and function is to run the house well, and the end result, a good child. This is the basic function… If she does very well professionally, but is a failure in the basic field, then she will be considered a failure…

What was the first thing that came to your mind when you read this? Your ideas are most welcome! 🙂

[PS I have hidden any details about the person, even the gender, to obtain a more holistic and unbiased view of the statement!]

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56 Comments

I disagree, of course. Its woman’s prerogative to decide what her ‘basic’ role will be. This is most primitive way of thinking I have come across. Its not that every woman takes to domesticity and rearing, there are many who carve their own path and that doesn’t make them weird, undignified or ‘failure’ as your friend said.

If summed up what the person mentioned; I would say I consider it as a success/satisfaction in totality for a woman. BUT I don’t think not having that complete result means any failure for anyone!!! Also, the word ‘BASIC’ is overrated I guess!!!

hey that was really too strong a statement. I do agree about the motherhood part. A mother is a mother and a father is a father. THIS role just cannot be interchanged. But running a grahasti is job of both the stakeholders. And if there is a failure both the parties are to be blamed.
btw nice blog! can i blogroll you? 🙂

These are the times when we are saying women is equal to man and it’s not only HER responsibility to raise the family and make it a success and her partner also has a equal role to play. Even though I totally agree that this is true I would like to tell something here.

Women are emotionally stronger than Men, they have to the capability to hold a family together in the most critical/crisis situation, they can bail-out the family of any situation single handedly (better than men/even without his help) and this is NOT a ROLE given to her, its her basic STRENGHT given to her by nature, its the natural power she possesses. So when she have this power it’s natural to take responsibility and when she does that everything is totally in control of course she needs a good support from her male partner in form of enthusiasm and belief in her.

Just to make this understand better, if you see our epics women play a very important role, sometimes they are the cause for an entire empire to fall and sometimes they are the cause for an entire empire to hold together.
Example of kaikai in Ramayana who made Rama to go to forest
Draupadi who made an entire kaurava empire to fall
Kunthi played such an important role in the life of pandavas, Gandhari was a cause for Duryodhana to fail.

You see… it’s a power you women posses which is greater than anything else in the world when used can make or break a family/society/nation. Some men are fools when they think that they win when they force women into submission, they don’t see it that its not their victory but its their failure and the women has won in her surrender.
to make this clear:- there was a situation in kurukshetra when Acharya Drona’s son Ashwathama released Brahmastra (mass destructive weapon) and no power or even Krishna could conquer it as brahmastra would double the force you apply on it and then reverse it on you. During this Krishna told the only way to conquer brahmastra is not to apply force but to surrender, the entire army dropped their weapons and just kneeled in front of it and w/o hurting anyone the brahmastra passed away.
This is the power of surrender a women possesses its just foolish to think we can win by making her surrender.

And lastly, she is the only one who can understand what giving birth to a life means. 🙂

Post the shameful Mangalore incident, my tolerance levels are at an all-time low (no, I am not a feminist, I am simply a rational human being). Still, I’ll try not to lash out at people who perceive women as nothing else but baby-making machines!

If they could have their way, they would like women to be doormats all their lives. Just think, would Kalpana Chawla be THE Kalpana Chawla, had she confined herself to the security of the four walls of her house? Of course, I could site many such examples, but I don’t want to get lost in clichés.

Times have changed. Women have to step out to earn money (let’s face it, running a house is no longer a one-man show) and to make something out of their lives.

I think it should be left to the woman in question to decide what she wants to do about her life. It should be personal choice of a person to work or to be a home maker. And it is indeed strong statement to name it failure.

The view is rather archaic, but then having seen quite a few with such views – especially from those who are supposedly educated, well-read and exposed to the world; I would say to each one’s own.
As long as they do not impose their views on another person to make life miserable, they are welcome to think what they want!! What is “basic” is one’s choice not based on one’s opinion.
I have a kid, don’t have a job – feel like a failure. Supposedly, in this person’s views I am success! yay!! Ok not completely…cos meri grihasti sambalna in the traditional sense of the phrase did not happen either 😀 So, what does that make me?!? hmmm…. 🙂

I can sum up my opinion in one word RIDICULOUS.I feel its the responsibility of both men as well of women to take care of the “Basic field”.Though I completely agree that women are any day way better in handling the “Basic field” it does not mean that men should not contribute/help.Both should equally share the blame unless proved otherwise

I may sound ‘dadaji’, but I agree to the statement made by your friend…..

Mother nature has awarded each spieces their individual responsibilities, may it be in humans or animals or insects. Take an example of any spcies on earth, females have to do te job of house-keeping, giving bith to child, look after the family. She is more stronger and organised than a male and thats why she can perform those duties very well. And thats why those duties are awarded to her.. A male is good for nothing..

I sometimes feel sorry for the working women as they have to perform above an average male and yet she has no get away from her houshold chores, may she be living in a family or alone… Over and above she has to face abuses and tortures cause female has the most fragile image. Anyone can pointout at her character.

I do agree women are more efficient and organised proffessionally, but what od they get out of that? Thier condition is not improving… She has to work hard to make the two ends meet.

The above is true for almost all females working around the world. Think in a broader view. Few might be enjoying the freedom but not all. Check out the rural areas and slums where females have to sell themselves..

And yes, if mother is not home when a child returns from school or when playing outside in the evening, nobody is concerned about that child.. Only mother can take care of the childs need without saying anything.

In India, we still have the sulture of joint family. We have our aged parents living with us.. If the wife too is working, who will be looking after the family?

Yes, if the woman has spare time left after attending her routine chores, she can involve herself in other activities, like our ancestors did.

Please forgive me ladies who are against this… This was my point of view..

Being a failure or not, need not be judged by others. If a person feels gr8 doing a thing that he/she wants, but our so call ‘samaj’ does not agree, then that person cannot be termed as a failure.
Its the height of generalizing an old concept.
Simply said…this idea is crap.

Well, the first thought that came to my mind was that this person is living some 10 years in history. It’s not like that anymore, is it? Every person, whether man or woman has the right to do what they wish to. Fixed rules, regulations and duties doesn’t work in today’s world. A family could work anyway, the female could be working and the man could be managing the house. And kids and everything is the duty of both the parents, not just the woman. If anything else, she’s kept the kid in her stomach for 9 months already so she already has an advantage in the working for the kid department. It’s the guy who needs to catch up.

Pradeep, I don’t think, we should generalize women are strong in mind +++++++ … Some people have patience, Some have strength, some have a clear mind, some have some of all these…. don’t think, its based on sex. Its more on individual’s character….. and they could be either male or female… Our world have billions of people… so we’ll always find examples… though that doesn’t make it true for all 🙂

Well, if the person thinks that this would be considered a ‘failure’, which is quite a strong term btw, then I kinda feel sorry for him/her. Quite a simple analysis:
If the person’s a woman, then she’s deluding herself and she’s already a failure in life.. all the best with the kid… kids can be messy…
And if the person’s a man, then he shouldn’t be allowed to marry at all, because it’s gonna be hell for the woman he marries…
Either way, it’s absolute trash which should be ignored… 🙂

well ! When i think of my mother i find that she was quite successful in the aspect of having good children even though ( i may not consider myself very successful but of course my brother is quite successful… )she had a job but never tried bigger things for herself, even though she was very capable .and i appreciate her for it now … but when i think of the ideal girl to marry i may not agree with that .. i wish her to be professionally successful,do the best for herself. I don’t think i would consider only her responsible for success or failure of the children … it depends on a lot of factors and holding anybody responsible for its failure would wrong ..especially the lady …

If you wanted an unbiased view, why have you replied to only those comments which said that the said thing was crap.

My 2 cents…
If a woman said that, she’s gone thru/seen some social trauma to someone close where unfortunately the society feels so. Somehow in the entire world, we have seen examples of failing marriages happening in mostly working couples… tats how hypocritical and sad our society is.

If a man said that, he understands himself and knows he cannot play the role reqd. to be played in the upbringing of children and families… No respect for him, but atleast he’s honest. The opposite side has to then decide on whether the match needs to go thru or not.

Have seen many gals – who ve studied well, intelligent, smart etc. but they do not want the added trouble sometime or the other to do both. Could be coz of the apprehension of how the guy will be abe to help, but thats how it is.

I felt extremely sorry. Sorry for India. Sorry for the mentality. Sorry for the women who have to hear this. Sorry for the men (and women) who say this.

I don’t want to repeat the arguments in favour of women working together with men in the same capacity and still taking care of the family, the woman comes back from work and toils in the kitchen while the man sits on the couch and watches TV, the woman taking a day off when the child is sick and the man can’t afford an off, the list goes on and on.

The grihasthi and the bachche are equally shared by both the man and woman, so why is one termed a failure and not the other? Though this divide is reducing by the day, we can do a lot to prevent this orthodox belief from peeping into the next generations.

[Ek aurat ke liye sabse bada achievement and function hota hai ghar grihasti sambhalna … and end result a good child … this is the basic function …wohh agar profession field main bahut successful ho gayi but is basic field main nahin, to usse ek failure hi maana jayega…]

my first thought: man! isn’t she cute!

my edited thought: oh god! here is yet another relic like myself…where are the caves? 🙂

I live in one of the most progressive universities of India (JNU); today is Women’s day and in a few minutes the campus will see a march by students to commemorate the occasion.

But even here there are many people like your friend. There are many who harbour that feudal thinking and they are so incorrigible (you can’t debate with them). There prime argument is that nature has made it like that and you can’t go against it.

Nothing irritates/pains more when your own friend surprises you like this. I hope this friend is not a woman (but I not be surprised if I am hoping against hope!).

It is in every person’s right to decide his/her basic role in life. If a woman wants to be a professional, she should If a woman wants to be a house wife, she should. A person should do what he/she is good at — that alone will increase their self confidence n self worth. “What will others think” is a crappy concern.

I feel immense pity for your friend. Again, no one is right or wrong…but I do think your friend needs a little perspective here. Be a friend — and share it with him/her.

you know u’d be surprized that i stand undecided on this.
i’d say … both men and women who’ve chosen to bring a child into this world are failures if they fail at raising their child well even if they are professionally very successful.

I will not give my opinion on what your friend said, as most of the people above have voiced my thoughts.

But I could not help but wonder what the gender of your friend is. On first thought, I felt it was a guy. But after the thought sunk in, I could not help but think that it was a girl.

Many of us are brought up in families where the male child is always given preference and we grow up wit the feeling that the sole purpose of our existence is to marry and give birth to a mail [sic] child. Our brain is so wired with this concept that its difficult to get it unwired. Sadly, there is nothing one can do except for the person itself.

I partly agree and disagree. it is a very individual perception of what makes an individual a success or a failure. first things first…i really appreciate the fact that you have kept the person’s gender a secret…a cool decision…yes it is her basic function to be a mother of course because women have been given the gift! but that does not necessarily mean she cannot be a career woman. we are living i times of men’s liberation as well where men want to take a maternity leave (for whatever reasons is again an individual aspect) but yes there are fathers who rock the cradle while the mothers earn the bread…
the world is evolving and so are the people that maketh the world. unless we have more Arnold Shwarzeneggers from the film Junior obviously giving birth to a child will remain a female advantage. i do not wish to give a jhudgement on the person who said it so i will just leave it to this..i cannot entirely comment without knowing the premise of the conversation….rather i wouldn’t like to…thanks…

Hey just came thru this while going thru the Glimpse blogs and could not stop writing..The first thing that came to me after reading the comment from the person mentioned is this that its so sad to know that many of educated guys still think this way..n you know what its true for more than 80% of the total no of men in India.Some of them are our frnds and even relatives..Bearing a family is not a sole responsibilty of a mother but father also..it has to be perfectly balanced wd the career of the both and not just the man…I m in Japan since few months and its not surprising to realize here that the progress of this country is very much dependent on the fact that women are equal in all aspects of career/life..This is not just an answer to the statement but its a truth which I have strongly felt here..The way you think..leads you to the way you make your life,your family and your country..Chk your thoughts..they become your principles.
Regards,
Neha.

Hi Neha, I had the opportunity to live in Japan and I got to travel extensively and to visit its history through literature and social contexts.

There are many historical, economic and social reasons for Japan’s progress, but the reason you have given isn’t one of them.

Japan has been one of the most male-dominated bastions through the ages right upto today. Throughout its history, women have been treated as secondary citizens and Japanese history is replete with many such instances which are amply supported by the literature of the times. The plight of “comfort women” under Japan during World War II touches a raw nerve with countries like China even today.

You might be surprised to know, but Japan cannot have a female empress by law. This law was not in place earlier. It was brought into existence a few centuries back. You can glean the reasons through googling. The Japanese parliament contemplated changing the law till the arrival of Prince Hisahito a couple of years back after which the plan was shelved.

This is not to say that ALL Japanese are that way much the same as ALL Indians are also not that way.

Evolutionarily – That view is right in terms of the purpose of propagation of our species but there ends the rightness. Human Beings grasps the concept of Tomorrow and have an incredible capacity to manipulate Nature with some not so great results. So over time the society has changed from the simplistic “Man Bring meat-he success, Woman Cook meat-she success” way of life.
Culturally – In a society where the Man is actually wise and benevolent this would be a great way for the woman to be.. Cause then the Man will Take care of the Woman and the Woman will take care of hearth, home and off-spring, its mutually beneficial and produces a stable environment. So here are my questions – Today, of the entire Men population what percentage of them are actually Wise and Benevolent? – of the entire Women population what percentage of them are actually happy taking care of home and hearth and being taken care off especially when the expectation in such societies is for the woman to be the one taking care of others?
One could also take the view that such a thought would relegate a woman to a baby producing machine, a follower and a Man to a money-providing machine that leads the house. That would be going back to the ages where there was a clear distinction of Gender roles and we know it didnt work well over time. It gave Man complete power over Woman and absolute power corrupts as we know now.
Politically – That would mean more Men in the Government systems(I would love a balance, 50-50 combos of men and women) and usually that means less consideration for Women/Child citizen when it comes to legal rights. Thats how it was in history, women had to fight for the rights that the present day women rarely think about.
Economically – It means less right for a woman to spend and dependency on the Man for everyday needs. Would that make a woman feel Good?

I wouldnt agree with the view that a woman is a failure if she doesnt have a home and baby.. Not really. I would say it depends on how the woman views herself.. Do we really need a home with a Man and baby to define us as woman? What does Woman mean? The entire person as she is or the expectation of what she should be?

I laughed at and pitied the person who has these retarded views. Kids are responsibility of both the parents. A father is equally a failure in case the child does not turn out ‘good’.
the person needs to grow up, look out and breathe fresh air.
🙂

Practical and realistic view: Across cultures, countries, religions and professions, is the idealistic view prevalent? I dont think so.

I read many comments saying that the view expressed is regressive. Be that as it may, I still think the words are true as they reflect what society as a whole looks at even in these “modern” world times we live in today. We must appreciate the speaker for speaking the truth everyone denies, but still fan through their actions.

At the risk of offending anyone’s sentiments, my sincere request is: Be the change you wish to see in this world.

That means make sure you aren’t a part of The Great Indian Marriage Show: ie costly weddings on the girls family’s expense, changing a girls identity (name even) post marriage, asking for dowry and other associated acts of selfish, irresponsible behaviour in the name of “Sanskriti” and tradition. Its a lot better than spouting wisdom on a blog page.

In terms of a career and family life, making adjustments for the best of the couple is the way forward. How that pans out is on a case-by-case basis. I, for one, think having a working wife is great because it leads to more financial stability for the family and the woman as well if, god forbid, things don’t work out for the best. The compromises and customizations that go with this arrangement can surely be sorted out through a mature give and take attitude from both parties.

whether a woman wants to run a house or work or bakance both, it should be entirely her choice. to consider her a failure us because she cudnt raise children is a very regressive perspective. if the talker is a guy, well, he needs to grow up. if it’s a woman, wat do i say? i sppose there has been some serious conditional training that leads her to think that or a heavy dose of hindi films.

Indian philosophy has given the 3 main portfolios to women. Defense- Durga. Education- Saraswati. Finance- Laksmi. Who dare say that a woman’s plac ethen is only within the confines of 4 walls