Thursday, August 26th 2010

Today, I take back my honesty. This time for good. We all need to do different things to swim, as a fish in water, because we are not the same. Those who best understand and accept this fundamental difference enjoy a certain peaceful contentment that other rarely (and some never) experience. I have found and lost it so many time, I could never keep track… but this time is different because I know what I must do in order to BE HONEST and STAY HONEST.

I can be the certain ‘fish’ that I was born to be and create the environment around me at the same time. What the future entails and how this works are only slightly understood, but that is enough. I know because I’ve done it, and undone it and done it again enough times to discover certain… rhythm. An ever-changing pattern of ever-changing groove that is mine alone. Paying attention to it is how I swim. It’s how I PLAY!

Sometimes it fits with the patterns of others. And we play, and they remind me how to play when I get distracted and lose the rhythm. Sometimes it doesn’t fit by conventional means, but we play anyway and I learn from the offbeat; adding to my repertoire. Some don’t want to come close enough to try and others get too close, constantly trying to drown me out with their dominating volume. But I can’t stop. I won’t stop anymore.