Sunday, August 25, 2013

Ahh hello everybody, sorry again for another unexpected hiatus. Hard to believe it's August and it's almost already over wah!

Basically what happened was I fell into a depression, one of those that sneak up on you and after a while you get used to it unfortunately. It's sad when you don't realize you're even depressed, it just becomes a black hole of numbness. I unintentionally pushed away many of my friends and family without realizing it. It wasn't until I was in danger of losing my relationship that I finally noticed something is wrong with my current lifestyle and it needs to change. One of those steps is to start posting here again and to be more open about what's going on in my life!

Anyways, I made myself an art schedule but I have a hard time keeping up with it. I focus too much on the short term things that make me happy instead of the long term. I want to work on changing that, especially since I need to get a job. I have no savings right now and it scares me that if something happens to me or my car that I would go into debt. Right now I'm looking for a new day job since my hand is feeling better but eventually I would like to replace that with either a studio job or freelance. I am even thinking about relearning 3D since it would be nice to do something else for a job and still keep my art personal.

In the meantime, I will continue working on my studies and also continue finishing work (still my biggest struggle after all these years!).

Alright, here are some pieces from the past few months, just really experimenting with my process. Next week I'll put aside more time to scan some sketchbook drawings and also some current pieces in progress.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

I've been back online for a little over a week now, yet it feels like April didn't even exist at all. Let me give you a quick synopsis of what happened.

The first week I started off very strong, lots of studying and sketching. I was happy.
The second week I started to get a little lazy, often finding myself engrossed in reading or watching movies than drawing.
The third week I injured my hand and decided to give it some rest.
The last week I remained lazy and watched movies.

I wish it would have gone differently, but I still learned some things.
The first is that I don't need to rush myself, especially with art. Somehow I see where my friends and peers are in their careers and I want nothing more than to be up on the same level with them. What happens with rushing is not only do I not make very good art, but I also get my hand/arm/shoulder cramps.
The second, how in control of my own actions I am. It seems a bit silly to realize this (I'm sure this wouldn't be the first time I've thought of this) but I often would spoil myself by allowing myself to be lazy. "Oh you can watch one more episode of this show, then we can get started on art. You deserve this piece of chocolate, I know how stressed you've been with worrying." etc. I still struggle trying to put my rewards in their place and really making art my true priority.
Lastly, the present moment is the most important. I need to not focus so much on my future, I seem to grow more anxious that way. Anxiety and depression can be very ugly, usually bringing myself down to a halt and it can be tough to get myself back up again.

Unfortunately, not to sound like a broken record, my hand and arm pains are starting to grow more painful. I was talking to a friend about her time with her arm pains, and she told me that she really had to take a few months to rest. That is, no drawing at all. She thinks that the inflammation still exists because I never gave myself a break. Even though I'm not drawing as much as I would like to, I am still drawing.
I've thought about doing this but it's tough when there are so many projects I want to do. I'm waiting to hear back from my former physical therapist to see if it's a good idea. In the meantime, I would pursue other creative outlets like photography, writing, and drawing with my left hand.

So... Who knows what will happen, all I can do is keep a positive attitude and reassure myself that I'm still young, I have many years ahead of me to accomplish what I want but I cannot get there if I do not rest properly and work on building a better mind set.

Whew, I always feel a little guilty writing so much, but it's a part of my journey that I will look back on.

Ready for some pictures?

Some more creature heads! I left a lot of them unfinished since I want to try painting them in Photoshop sometime soon.

Moleskine sketchbook... Trying to not worry too much about what is right and wrong, focusing more on exploration and getting the idea onto paper.

I started oil painting again last month. I loved doing these, I need to finish my color charts and I'll try colors sometime soon.

I cannot thank my friends and family enough for their support and encouragement. I know I would never be where I am now without them, and will continue to depend on them whenever my mood or motivation take a dark turn.

This past month has really sparked a new passion for art inside of me, it's just a matter of pacing myself so I may be able to share all my future art with you guys.

Monday, January 21, 2013

And wow, hard to believe this first month is almost over. Last Saturday I hauled myself out of bed to attend life drawing, and the last time I went was back in August! I always feel like a broken record when I say I'm always relearning the basics again and again, but they usually come back the quickest after a long break, hah.

Also, I was in a bad spot, so there isn't enough full body drawings. Next week though, I will be there at 9AM on the dot!