Sunday, July 21, 2013

How to feel super self conscious and awkward while pregnant.

Being pregnant is truly a beautiful miracle--to think there is a human being growing cell by cell inside of me! Pure craziness! I do believe it creates an undeniable beauty to see a woman pregnant. However, with this fast growing miracle, can also come a lot of awkward woes and moments of a progressing self-conscious mental state to go along with your progressing belly.

1. Go to the Beach.

So, if wearing a swimsuit was already not the most fun thing for a woman, pack on an excessive amount of weight in a short amount of time, squeeze some spandex over that big ol belly and try to feel like no one is looking at you.

You try to look all:

But you FEEL like:

Oh, and then there is the two piece vs. one piece dilemma. I admire the women that can pull off a two piece while preggo. I wish I could, but alas, a one piece is in my future for the next.....very long time! So, you have your said one piece on--pair that with your overactive squashed bladder and BAM!--awkward bathroom experience. You now have two choices. You can either take 10 minutes to strip that once piece all the way down to your toes and let'r flow, or you can do the whole "move the crotch (ew, that's a gross word) of your swimsuit to the side, squat and then let'r flow". Super fun, especially when your balance is compromised by your growing belly.

2. Go Clothes Shopping

There are times this pregnancy where I have wanted and/or needed some new preggo clothes. Luckily, I have some from before as well as a whole tub of my sisters. But ya know, sometimes you just want something new and cute to make you feel all perty while your body is growing and changing so rapidly. So you go shopping.
Admittedly, I still frequent the Juniors section at most places because they often have more appealing threads and there is not a lot of maternity sections out there in stores---if there are, they are NOT cheap! So, there I am strolling around Target or Marshalls looking for the perfect top to flatter my new bod, but still fit well overall (turns out this is a difficult task!). And then, I start to feel eyeballs. Not so much the, "oh look, she's pregnant, that's cute!" eyeballs, but more like this:

The eyeballs that say "Do you know that you are pregnant and this is the juniors section??" or the, "Do you really think you'll fit into those clothes you have in your hand?" look.

So you can either try to hide your belly behind the clothes and hope no one notices long enough to show you these eyeballs that make you feel like less of a human being, OR you can walk around that juniors section like a proud mama in your now outgrown top as you belly protrudes out the bottom and try on those clothes in your hand like they were made for you as if to say, "my belly makes this look sh*t gooooood". Though you're more likely to be pleading with those clothes the whole time, "please fit, please fit, please fit!"

3. Go Grocery Shopping.

Baby is in bed. Daddy is home. Enter in cravings. You freely go to the grocery store which is now an Oasis to you after a long day of mommy duty. You start to browse and find things to fill your cravings. Before you are pregnant, there is "hungry shopping" which we all know can get a little out of control, but then you put a bun in the oven and that "hungry shopping" turns into:

"Lay off me, I'm starving--shopping". You grab the donuts, the pickles, the grapes, the olives, the hot wings, the chips, the fried chicken legs, the five different beverages because you can't decide and you troll that store like its the apocolypse and you need to save all the junk food. You are happy and content and well, now salivating. It's time to leave, so you find a line--which let's be honest, at this hour of night there are no lines. So you put your goods up on the counter--food goods that it--and you check out. This is when the self-conscious and guilty feelings start to surface. With each item that clerk swipes to go into your grocery bag, you feel a slight sense of embarrassment and needing to justify your purchase of the most random and horrible-for-you collection of food ever. Should I say I'm having a party? Should I try to stand back from the counter so they can see my uber pregnant belly? Maybe I should talk about my family, so they don't think it's all for me----even though it is! You're all checked out and on your way to the car. The awkward feelings soon subside because you know that there is only 5 minute drive from the store until you get to sink your teeth into some all of that goodness.

Ok, ok. So maybe it's more likely that most of these occurrences of awkwardness ensuing are in my head and no one else really takes notice--but it doesn't take away from the fact that being pregnant can create some of the most awful bouts of feeling self-conscious. In contrast, many other times it can make you feel like you have super powers--more on that later!

In the end though, it's totally, 110 % worth the lack of confidence. Now more than ever the anticipations is killing me and I am so excited to meet this little chicka.

Whether or not I look good in bathing suit...whether or not I fit into my clothes....whether or not I eat the right foods.

She won't care about any of that stuff until she's in Junior High anyway :)