Customer: “You don’t have much of a selection for ninetieth birthday parties.”

Me: “Not many people live that long. Most of our suppliers don’t carry anything past the sixtieth birthday decorations.”

Customer: “It’s all because of Obama, you know. With his health care system, they just put you out to pasture once you’re sixty-five, and that’s the end of you. He probably told everyone to stop selling things with eighty and ninety on it, so people won’t want to live as long.”

(I’m behind the register when a teenage girl comes up with her mother. While I watch, the girl tells her mom to get her one of the ‘grape ones’.)

Mother: “I’d like one of your grape cigars.”

Me: “Alright.” *to the girl* “I just need to see your ID.”

Girl: “She’s the one who’s buying, not me!”

Me: “That doesn’t matter. I know she’s buying it for you, so I need to know if you’re over eighteen.”

Mother: “That’s stupid! This is the only place that sells them around here. I’m not wasting my gas driving somewhere else. If you don’t sell me those, I’m going to call the cops and they’ll make you sell me a grape cigar!”