Josh Matthews interviews Jeff Hardy in the ring. They show highlights of Hardy’s Ladder match with Edge at Extreme Rules, where Hardy won the World Championship, then CM Punk cashed in Money In The Bank and beat him for the title. Then they show Punk retaining the title against Hardy and Edge on Raw this past Monday. Hardy says he’ll beat Punk at The Bash. Matthews says they should hear things from Punk’s point of view, so Punk comes out to retort. Punk defends his actions, rightfully saying that he won both of those matches well within the rules. They agree that they live different lifestyles, and they’ll settle their differences at the Bash. Hardy gets cheered, Punk gets booed. Insta-commercial!

Non-Title: Jeff Hardy vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Chris Jericho. Grisham calls it “The Extreme Enigma vs. The Extreme Ego.” Jericho tends to hit moves, but take time to posture to the crowd instead of staying on his opponent. Jericho applies an abdominal stretch, but Hardy escapes it and makes his comeback… not that there was much of a heat to make a comeback from. Jericho avoids a kick and goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Hardy counters it. Jericho hits a backdrop suplex. Ouch. Hardy avoids the Lionsault. Hardy hits a front suplex and goes up top for the Swanton, but Jericho bails. Hardy dives to the outside. Jericho avoids it and Hardy eats the barricade. Jericho tosses Hardy back in, then Mysterio comes out of the crowd and ranas Jericho. Jericho ends up going facefirst into the ringpost and gets counted out at 4:56. Mysterio goes back into the crowd with 2 other people with the same mask and outfit. Cute. Match was disappointing. Hardy gives Jericho the Twist of Fate and the Swanton for good measure.

Layla and Eve fight over hairspray or something. Maria plays peacemaker. Dolph Ziggler shows up and they all get his name wrong.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Great Khali (w/ Ranjin Singh). Khali kicks his ass for a bit, but Ziggler manages to make a comeback and chops Khali’s leg out from under him. Khali gets DQ’d for a phantom chairshot at 2:03. Ziggler outsmarts Khali again!

Still to come, Punk vs. Mysterio!

Randy Orton is featured in this month’s WWE magazine!

Raw Rebound. Scroll down and read the Raw report if you want to know what happened.

Non-Title: WWE Women’s Champion Melina vs. Alicia Fox (w/ Michelle McCool). Melina will defend the title against McCool at The Bash. Fox gets Melina in a body scissors, then turns it into a painful looking full nelson. Melina comes back and beats her with the Code Red at 1:43. McCool jumps Melina after the match and beats her down, then cuts an awful promo.

John Morrison takes on Edge NEXT! That should be good.

Edge cuts a promo bitching about not getting another title shot, then says Morrison isn’t fit to breathe his air or be in his ring. Morrison comes out. Edge says Morrison wants to be him. Morrison says Edge isn’t entertaining anymore and he always whines. Morrison says after this match, Edge will have something to complain about. Insta-commercial!

This is the version of Smackdown that aired in Australia and New Zealand, so we get some hype for Raw house shows there next month.

Edge vs. John Morrison. They start with some nice chain wrestling, starting off slow and building it up. Edge gets heat on him for a while. Morrison tries to fight back, but Edge sends him off the top rope to the floor. Insta-commercial. Edge continues working Morrison over and targets the ribs. Morrison nails a sweet knee to the face for 2. Edge goes up top, but Morrison nails his flip kick to send Edge to the floor. Morrison hits a sweet baseball slide headscissors and sends Edge into the steps. Back in the ring, cover gets 2. Edge avoids the Flying Chuck and locks in the Sharpshooter. Morrison gets a rope break. Morrison gets a sunset flip for 2. Morrison hits a Russian leg sweep and heads up to for the Starship Pain, but Edge pulls him down. Morrison avoids a spear in the corner and crades Edge for 2, then Edge sends him shoulder first into the ring post. Morrison leapfrogs another spear and hits the Flying Chuck for 2. Edge counters the Moonlight Drive and hits the Implant DDT, but Morrison kicks out! Morrison hits a neat DDT for 2. Morrison goes for the Starship Pain again, but Edge moves, then hits the spear for the win (about 13 1/2 minutes shown). Really good match.

Punk vs. Mysterio is still to come!

Shelton Benjamin, Charlie Haas, & Ricky Ortiz vs. R-Truth & Cryme Tyme. JTG and Ortiz start. JTG takes Ortiz down, then tags in Shad, who kicks his ass. Ortiz avoids a big boot and attacks Shad’s knee. Haas tags in and continues working Shad’s knee. Lukewarm tag to Truth. Benjamin tags in as well and gets the better of him. Truth connects with a loud slap, then a loud kick for 2. Haas and Ortiz break the cover. Clusterfuck ensues. Truth catches Benjamin coming off the top rope and goes for the scissors kick. Shelton avoids it, but Truth catches him with a corkscrew elbow smash for the win at 4:03.

The main event is next!

12 Rounds is coming out on DVD. I don’t fucking care.

Mysterio comes down and says it felt good to give Jericho a taste of his own medicine earlier tonight. Mysterio says he wants to challenge Jericho to another title match. Jericho comes out to the stage and says he already gave Mysterio his rematch and beat him. Jericho babbles for a while. Mysterio tells him to shut up. They eventually agree to a mask vs. title match at the PPV.

Non-Title: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. World Heavyweight Champion CM Punk. Jericho is doing commentary. Punk is still working as a face, and he’s still selling the knee from Raw. Mysterio attacks Punk’s knee. Punk fights back. Punk avoids the 619. Insta-commercial. Mysterio takes the shoulder into the ring post bump and gets schoolboyed for 2. Punk works Mysterio’s shoulder. Mysterio comes back again and does his stuff. Mysterio hits the Bombs Away, hits the ropes, and gets caught with a big kick by Punk for 2. Punk hits the knee in the corner, avoids the 619, and goes for the Go 2 Sleep. Mysterio counters into a pinning predicament for 2. Mysterio tries a flip, but Punk catches him in the Go 2 Sleep position again. Mysterio holds on to the ropes, so Punk tosses him out. The referee stops Punk from going outside and Jericho uses the distraction to attack Mysterio. Mysterio beats the count back in the ring, but Punk hits the Go 2 Sleep for the win (8:19 shown). Jeff Hardy runs down to complain to the ref… or something. Punk leaves as Jeff’s music plays. Fin.

WWE open, then an awesome WrestleMania opening video where various wrestlers talk what they think is the greatest WrestleMania moment of all time, then comments on the big matches tonight.

Howard Finkel welcomes us to the *sigh* 25th Anniversary of WrestleMania. I’m not even going to get into that today. The Fink then introduces Nicole Somethingorother from the Pussycat Dolls, who sings a horrible rendition of “America The Beautiful.”

The Army National Guard presents WrestleMania! “Shoot To Thrill” plays, fireworks, and Jim Ross welcomes us to WrestleMania. Wow, I feel really welcome with all of these welcomes. Justin Roberts introduces our first match, the Money In The Bank Lader Match! Ross, Jerry Lawler, and Michael Cole are doing a three-man commentary team tonight. Also, we finally have the long awaited return of the Spanish announce table! Carlos and Hugo are back, baby!

Money In The Bank Ladder Match: CM Punk vs. Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas) vs. WWE United States Champion Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Finlay (w/ Hornswoggle and rocking the old school Belfast Bruiser vest thingy) vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Christian vs. Kane. Christian’s entrance is the only one to get an audible pop from the huge crowd. On TV, anyway. According to people who were there, the crowd was way hotter live than it appeared on TV, so maybe there was some audio trouble or something. Enough of that, on to the match! Bell rings, everybody pairs off and brawls. Kane and Henry go at it. Maybe they’ll take each other to prevent them from dragging the match down. Christian and Benjamin take them down with a ladder, then try to take out Kofi. Kofi leapfrogs the ladder, then dropkicks it and legdrops the ladder with both the guys under it. “Controlled frenzy” line from Cole. The ladder gets set up and Kane and Henry climb it. Other guys come in and take the big dudes out, then they all climb a couple of ladders. Kane and Henry come back in and push the two ladders over, then fight each other again. Kane knocks Henry down and throws one of the ladders out of the ring, then climbs the other. Henry comes in and tips the ladder over to send Kane crashing. Finlay comes in and takes out Henry, who throws the ladder out. Finlay lands a tope suicida on Kane and Benjamin. Christian follows with his own dive, followed by MVP, then stereo dives from Punk and Kofi. Benjamin hits a fucking insane dive off of a tall ladder in the aisle onto the pile of guys. “HOLY SHIT” chant. Henry teases diving, but Henry whacks him with the stick. Hornswoggle sets up a step ladder and Finlay helps him climb onto Henry, then dive onto the pile. The video was skipping, so I think my DVD may have not burned properly. Kofi does an awesome spot where he dropkicks Finlay through an open ladder. Finlay nails him with the step ladder, then uses it to nail the other guys coming back in. Finlay goes to make the climb, but Kofi kicks him off and climbs himself. Henry comes in and pushes the ladder over. The next awesome Kofi spot happens, where Henry is holding an unopened ladder vertically. Kofi climbs it and gets caught by Henry, who transitions it into the World’s Strongest Slam on the ladder. Henry climbs, but MVP comes and takes him down, then sets up another ladder between the set up ladder and the top rope. Benjamin comes in and he and MVP do some crazy shit that ends with Shelton taking a powerbomb. MVP climbs, Punk stops him. Christian tries to stop him but gets knocked down, then gets back up on the horizontal ladder behind Punk. They fight, then Christian hits a botched but cool Unprettier off the ladder. MVP climbs up, but Benjamin sets up the crazy thing and runs up, then botches a sunset flip off the ladder and gets a “YOU FUCKED UP” chant. Benjamin powerbombs MVP out of the ring onto Henry and Atlas. Finlay and Benjamin both climb. Shelton nails Finlay, who takes a bump on the horizontal ladder. Christian comes in and fights with Benjamin. Benjamin sets up the ladder that has been horizontal, so we now have two vertical ladders. They climb, but the ladder falls over. Benjamin spills out of the ring, but Christian catches the top rope with his foot in a cool Captain Morgan post and gets it straight again. Punk tries to stop Christian, but gets his leg caught in the ladders. Kane comes up and chokeslams Christian off the ladder (not as cool as it sounds). Punk goes for the prize, but Kane goozles him. Punk kicks Kane in the head to knock him down, then takes the briefcase of the win at 14:29. That’s where I timed it, but my DVD did skip a bit so it probably is the 14:24 other reports have it as. Fucking awesome match. Kofi really shined here, but everyone had their moments.

Axxess highlights.

Kid Rock mini-concert. He performs a medley of his songs consisting Bawitaba, some song I don’t know, Cowboy, All Summer Long, and So Hott. During the last one, the 25 divas in the Battle Royal make their way to the ring. The whole thing goes about 10 minutes.

Now I actually put some work into working out this clusterfuck of a match, so bear with me.

Jericho vs. Legends hype video, a lot of which is about Mickey Rourke. They show Rourke taking his seat in the audience.

Handicap Elimination Match: Chris Jericho vs. Ricky Steaboat, Roddy Piper, & Jimmy Snuka (w/ Ric Flair). Piper, who looks incredibly old, insists on starting. He spits his gum at Jericho, then proceeds to kick his ass for the first few minutes, other than an embarrasing spot early on when Piper gets his arm stuck in the ropes. Piper throws a half assed dropkick that only connects with one leg. Snuka tags in and looks fucking terrible. Steamboat tags in to a big pop and looks FUCKING AWESOME. Steamboat nails a couple of GORGEOUS arm drags, causing me to mark out for an arm drag for the first time in my life. Steamboat works the arm a bit, then tags Snuka back in. They do a double chop and Snuka’s doesn’t even connect. Jericho locks Snuka in the Walls of Jericho for the submission at 3:45. Thank God. He refuses to break the hold until Piper and Steamboat come in and force him. There are some incidents of the audio going out for a second. Piper goes after Jericho again, poking him in the eyes and locking in the sleeper hold. Jericho escapes and hits an enzuigiri for the pin at 4:45. Steamboat hits a sweet diving crossbody for a near fall. Steamboat and Jericho go at it, and it’s awesome. Jericho tosses Steamboat out and decks Flair as Steamboat skins the cat back in. Steamboat sends Jericho out of the ring and dives onto him, then sends him back in and hits the diving karate chop. More chops, then Steamboat gets a near fall with a reverse cradle. Jericho hits the bulldog and goes for the Lionsault, but Steamboat avoids it. Steamboat catches Jericho with a powerslam for a near fall. Jericho locks in the Walls, but Steamboat manages to counter out with an inside cradle for another near fall. Jericho goes for a backdrop suplex, but Steamboat lands on his feet. Jericho catches the Codebreaker out of nowhere for the win at 8:57. Snuka was awful. Piper tried, but wasn’t good. Steamboat was the fucking man and made the match. Flair attacks Jericho after the match, but ends up taking a backdrop and eating the Codebreaker. Jericho challenges Rourke. Rourke stalls forever before finally getting in the ring. They have an impromptu amateur boxing match which ends with Rourke catching Jericho with a left hand and knocking him down. Flair comes in and celebrates with Rourke. Another pointless waste of time. The post-match stuff, not the match, though the match would have been MUCH better if it was just a Jericho/Steamboat singles match.

Army National Guard commercial.

The announcers chat a bit to introduce the Hardys video package.

Extreme Rules Match: Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy. Matt talks trash, then Jeff jumps on him and kicks his ass. Jeff pulls a WrestleMania poster from under the ring and breaks it over Matt’s head, prompting a great line from Lawler: “Well, at least Matt finally got his face on the WrestleMania poster.” Matt catches Jeff with a chair to the legs while Jeff was attempting the Whisper in the Wind, then moments later nailed him with a shop vac. I was amused. Matt hits the Side Effect on the chair for a near fall. Ouch. Matt sets up a table on the outside. Logic says Matt will be the one to go through that table later on. Matt takes a bump in the steps and the ref and trainer check on him. Matt hits him with a Singapore cane, then puts a trash can over his head and hits him with a crutch. Jeff hits a front suplex and goes up top, but Matt avoids the Swanton bomb. Matt hits the Twist of Fate, but Jeff kicks out at two. Jeff hits Matt with a chair, then sets him up on that table from earlier. Jeff sets a chair on top of Matt, then sets another table on top of the table on which Matt is laying. Jeff goes to the top rope and dives through the table. Told ya so. “HOLY SHIT” chant, but I’m pretty sure the top table actually made the spot safer. Jeff puts Matt in the ring and covers, but Matt puts his foot on the bottom rope. Jeff brings in a ladder, then sets up a chair and hits a leg drop off of it. He sets up two ladders and does that “jump from the shorter ladder over the taller ladder and do a leg drop” spot, but Matt moves and Jeff dies. Matt his a Twist of Fate using an open chair, which looks SICK, for the win at 13:15. Good plunder match, and no doubt the best match they’ve ever had against each other.

Legends of WrestleMania video game commercial.

Randy Orton is shown in his locker room with Legacy, getting ready. At least Dibiase and Rhodes got a second of screen time.

Lillian Garcia introduces the first Intercontinental Title match at WrestleMania in 7 years. JBL comes down, cutting a promo about how he is returning to Texas as a champion and being the only hero Texas has, or something to that effect. Mysterio makes his entrance with an awesome Heath Ledger Joker mask and outfit. Lillian does the introductions in-ring, then JBL nails Mysterio with a big boot, then nails him with some punches. The referee asks Mysterio if he still wants to wrestle. He says he does, so we have…

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: John Bradshaw Layfield (c) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr. Mysterio ducks a kick and hits an enzuigiri, a dropkick, the 619, and the diving splash for the win in 21 seconds. Mysterio celebrates and leaves with the gold. JBL takes the microphone and quits, which makes the crowd pop big. He leaves, yelling at the crowd that they’ll regret him leaving.

A nice shot of the Houston skyline. A NASCAR driver is in the crowd.

Shawn/Taker video package.

Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker. Here we go. Awesome entrances, as Michaels descends from above, then Taker rises from the stage. Bell rings. Taker looks to throw punches, but Michaels ducks and lands his own blows. Taker gets hold of Michaels and tosses him into the turnbuckle. Michaels responds with a defiant crotch chop. Michaels leap frogs Taker and pounces on him. Taker finally manages to land some punches and hammers Michaels down. Michaels answers with chops, but Taker throws him into the corner, then back body drops him. Taker press slams Shawn and drops an elbow. First cover of the match gets a one count. Taker hits Old School. Shawn chop blocks Taker to weaken his leg, then locks in the figure-four. Taker throws some punches and manages to escape. Taker kicks Shawn’s ass for a minute until Michaels counters a chokeslam attempt into a crossface. Taker finally manages to get up and drop Michaels with a side slam to escape it. They trade blows. Michaels hits the forearm and nips up. Michaels knocks Taker down and goes to the top for the big elbow, but Taker gets up and catches him with the goozle. Michaels counters the chokeslam attempt and feigns a superkick. He goes for the figure-four again, but Taker locks in the Gogoplata. Michaels scampers around and manages to get a rope break. Michaels avoids the apron leg drop, causing Taker to hurt his leg again. Michaels hits a baseball slide kick, then goes for a moonsault to the outside, but Taker avoids it. Taker gets back in the ring and goes for a suicide dive. Michaels pulls a camera man (played by Sim Snuka) in the way and Taker ALMOST KILLS HIMSELF. I don’t know how he managed to not break his neck. It was a tope suicida that almost turned into a Space Flying Tiger Drop. Taker BARELY beats the count back in the ring. Michaels tunes up the band and goes for the superkick, but Taker catches him with a huge chokeslam for a VERY close two count. They counter each other’s finishes until Michaels lands the superkick for the one, two… TAKER KICKS OUT! They rest for a moment, then Michaels nips up and stands over the dead Taker. Taker comes back to life and goozles him, then gets up and goes for the Last Ride. Michaels counters. Taker goes for it again and hits it big time for the one, two, hegothimnohedidn’tcomeonref! Taker, for some reason, goes for the diving elbow drop, but crashes and burns when Michaels moves. When everybody gets up, Taker throws Michaels over the top rope. Michaels skins the cat… right into the Tombstone! Taker covers for the one, two, and MICHAELS KICKS OUT! Taker lowers the straps to reveal his chest, which has been beaten blood red. He goes for another Tombstone, but Michaels counters with somewhat of a DDT. Michaels hits the diving elbow drop, then NAILS the superkick for a very believable near fall. Taker’s not done yet, though. They make it to their feet and trade blows until Taker knocks Shawn down. Taker goes for the Tombstone again, but Michaels counters. Taker runs into Michaels’ boot in the corner. Michaels goes for another moonsault, but Taker catches him and drops him with a second Tombstone and gets the pin at 30:43. Fucking amazing epic match here, one of the best matches in WrestleMania history.

Raw Draft special commercial.

Evander Holyfield is in the crowd. The announcers reflect on the epic match we just saw, but still have to feign interest in the matches still to come.

Edge/Cena/Show video package.

Lillian introduces Vickie Guerrero, who is wheeled down by Chavo. At least Chavo gets a WrestleMania payday. Edge makes his way out, then Show. Cena’s old music hits and a bunch of Cena look-alikes come out and line the entry way. Then the real Cena comes out. I guess it’s the real Cena anyway. In-ring intros, then we have…

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Edge (c) vs. The Big Show vs. John Cena. Cena tries to out-quick the other guys, but gets knocked down. Edge tries to form an alliance with Show, but Show quickly betrays him. Edge is disposed of, then Show beats down Cena. Show ends up outside the ring and Cena hits his diving Fameasser to the oustide on Show. Edge and Cena end up in the ring. Edge hits his DDT and gets a near fall. Show makes it back in. Chavo pulls Cena out of the ring and gets F-U… er, has his Attitude Adjusted for his troubles. Show does the Andre “tied up in the ropes” spot and watches Cena beat up Edge. Vickie gets out of her wheelchair and gets on the apron. Edge accidentally spears her for the 374th time. Show finally gets out and beats up everyone. Show goes for a double chokeslam, but Cena gets away, so Edge is the only one to take it. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjuster, but Show counters and nails his KO punch. Show and Edge fight outside. Edge spears Show through the guardrail. Edge covers Cena for a two count back in the ring. Edge goes for the spear, but Cena counters and locks in the STF. Show makes it back up and pulls Cena out of the ring, then headbutts him. Show goes for a Vader bomb on Edge, but Edge avoids it. Edge and Cena unite to suplex Show, then they clothesline him out of the ring. Edge takes a cheap shot and gets a near fall on Cena. Cena hits the Throwback and goes up top. Show pushes him off right into a spear from Edge in a cool spot. Edge hops on Show’s back and tries to put him down with a sleeper. Cena shows his retard strength and lifts both of them for the Attitude Adjuster. Edge falls of and Show takes the move. Cena hits it on Edge, dropping him on top of Show, then covers Show for the win at 14:43. Not a bad match, but nothing was going to follow Shawn vs. Taker.

WrestleMania XXVI is coming to Arizona!

Justin Roberts introduces the Hall of Fame Class of 2009: The Funks (Terry & Dory Jr.), Bill Watts, Howard Finkel, Koko B. Ware, The Von Erichs (represented by Kevin Von Erich), Ricky Steamboat, and Stone Cold Steve Austin. Austin appears on the stage in his suit, then leaves. He comes back out on his four wheeler in an Austin 3:16 shirt. He drives down to the ring and drinks some beer, even sharing one with good ol’ J.R. Ross puts this over as the end of the Austin era.

Backlash! Backlash! BACKLASH!

Lillian announces the attendance as 72,744.

Triple H/Orton history package.

Triple H is shown walking backstage. He runs into Vince and Shane McMahon. They exchange nods of the head. Main event time!

WWE Championship Match: Triple H (c) vs. Randy Orton. Triple H can lose the title by DQ or count-out. Entrances and in-ring introductions here too. Triple H kicks Orton’s ass to start and gets told off by the referee. Orton hits the RKO out of nowhere, but is an idiot, so doesn’t cover. Orton goes for the punt of death, but Triple H avoids it and hits the Pedigree. He is also an idiot and doesn’t cover. They fight outside for a moment, then back in, then back out, then back in. Orton begs off, but Triple H hammers him anyway. They end up outside again. Orton reverses Triple H and whips him into the steps, then into the time keeper’s area. Triple H makes it back in the ring to avoid being counted out, but Orton goes to work on him. My DVD starts skipping again. Must have been a bad burn. It finally starts playing right again, but my timing is going to be completely screwed now. Triple H goes for the Pedigree, but Orton counters with a quick jackknife hold for a near fall. The match speeds up a bit now, with Triple H avoiding the RKO and getting a near fall with a quick schoolboy, then catching Orton with the big spinebuster. Triple H goes for the Pedigree again, but Orton hits his 3.0 backbreaker for a near fall. Orton catches Triple H coming off the turnbuckle with a sweet dropkick. Triple H avoids the punt again and sends Orton outside. Triple H teases hitting Orton with a monitor, but thinks better of it. They tease a Pedigree through the announce table, but Orton backdrops Triple H to the other table, which doesn’t give. Orton drops Triple H with his sick DDT off the table and they do the big count-out tease, but Triple H makes it back in. Orton punishes him some more. Ref bump. Orton hits the RKO and retrieves the sledgehammer. Triple H catches Orton coming back in and punts him. Triple H hits Orton with the sledgehammer, hides it, and hammers Orton with punches. The referee wakes up and makes Triple H stop throwing punches. Triple H hits the Pedigree for the pin at 23:34 (according to Wikipedia since my timing got fucked up). Flattest Mania finish ever, and Orton totally got jobbed.

WWE open, then a hearse backs into the arena. Raw open, then Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler welcome us to the show. Tonight, something with Undertaker, I wasn’t paying attention, and John Cena vs. The Big Show.

WWE Women’s Champion Melina, Mickie James, Gail Kim, Maria, Kelly Kelly, Brie Bella, Alicia Fox, Eve Torres, & Tiffany Terrell vs. WWE Divas Champion Maryse, Beth Phoenix, Michelle McCool, Natalya, Jillian Hall, Katie Lea, Nikki Bella, Layla, & Rosa Mendez. 18 woman clusterfuck. Tiffany pinned Katie Lea with an inside cradle for the win in a couple of minutes. Santino Marella comes down in a robe. Santino said he went to WWE President Jack Tunney and found out he was dead. He still wants to be in the Women’s battle royal at WrestleMania. He disrobes to reveal some kind of gay outfit and does a gay dance around the ring. He gets kicked out of the ring and Beth and Rosa pull him away.

Chris Jericho vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler. Apparently the Jericho vs. old guys WrestleMania match is elimination or gauntlet. Jericho has to beat all of them, but only one of them has to beat Jericho. Jericho and Lawler lock up, then shove each other. King hammers Jericho with punches. Jericho gets in a cheap shot to get the advantage. Jericho beats on King for a while. King makes his comeback and lowers the strap so his man tits can flap freely. Lawler blisters Jericho with punches. Jericho locks in the Walls of Jericho for the win at 3:25. Jericho prepares to beat down Lawler some more, but Lawler lands a punch and Jericho bails. Jericho takes the microphone and says he beat Lawler so he’s not getting back in the ring. He says he’ll beat the old guys at WrestleMania, it’s just a matter of how.

12 Rounds hype. I don’t care, nor will I ever. Cena takes on Big Show TONIGHT!

Some people pull a casket out of the hearse. Shawn Michaels pops out and mouths something. Commercial.

Non-Title: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion John Bradshaw Layfield. Yeah, lots of people are going to buy WrestleMania to see the exact match they just saw on TV. JBL cuts a promo saying he wants this match for some kind of psychological advantage or something. Rey tries to use his speed, but JBL overwhelms him with his size. Commercial! Back from break, JBL continues to overwhelm Mysterio. Mysterio takes a fall away slam and roles out of the ring. JBL goes out and puts the boots to him. JBL brings him back in the ring and Mysterio makes a comeback. Bombs Away and an enzuigiri from Mysterio. JBL avoids a 619 attempt, but Mysterio hits it on the second try and follows with the frog splash for the win at 6:45. That means JBL is winning at WrestleMania.

Replay of the Cena’s promo from Smackdown. He’ll face Big Show NEXT!

WrestleMania XI video.

John Cena vs. The Big Show. I’m not paying much attention, but Show has the advantage in the early minutes. Big Show does a baseball slide dropkick of all things as we go to commercial. Back from break, Show has Cena in a Camel Clutch like move. Cena counters a chokeslam and hits that weird DDT/suplex Show always takes. Cena goes for the STF, but Show blasts him with an elbow. Cena goes for the F-U, but his back is hurt. Show hits the chokeslam for the clean win at 10:37. Edge shows up and pounds on Cena.

Shawn Michaels cuts his usual promo on Undertaker in the ring. The ring is set up to look like a funeral or something. The lights go out and Taker appears in the ring. Michaels has disappeared. Taker throws all the shit in the ring around. Michaels appears from under the casket and lands the Sweet Chin Music. Michaels runs away, Taker is mad, same old shit.

12 Rounds hype again.

Moments ago: Michaels/Undertaker stuff.

Hall of Fame hype: The awesome Steve Austin video plays.

WrestleMania hype I think. I wasn’t paying attention.

Dibiase and Rhodes are with security guards.

Time for another Money In The Bank preview match! CM Punk and Kane come out. Commercial break, then Hardy vs. Hardy hype video. That’s stupid. Can’t it wait until after the match?

Battle Royal: CM Punk vs. Kane vs. WWE United States Champion Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Christian vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas) vs. Finlay (w/ Hornswoggle). Everybody fights. Henry eliminates Finlay. Hornswoggle distracts Henry and everyone dumps Henry out. MVP and Benjamin fight on the apron. Kane knocks them both to the floor to eliminate them. Punk (I think) eliminates his former tag team parter Kofi Kingston. Christian tries to eliminate Punk, but Punk fights back and hits his running knee in the corner. Christian counters the bulldog and throws Punk out, but Punk holds on. Kane throws Christian into Punk and they both go to the floor to give Kane the win at 3:38. I think Punk hit first, if it matters. Kane climbs the ladder and takes down the briefcase. The build to this match has been retarded and repetitive.

Dibiase and Rhodes come with security to escort Orton to the ring. Orton’s WrestleMania address is NEXT!

Randy Orton comes out and talks for a while. They show Triple H turning on Orton back in 2004, Orton eliminating Triple H to win the Royal Rumble this year, and Orton’s various attacks on the McMahon family. Orton says the IED was bullshit, which everyone knew. He threatens the fans to shut up and listen to him talk or else. They show the beatdown from last week. He says he talked to Vickie Guerrero and she decreed that Triple H can lose the title by DQ or count-out and if Triple H brings a sledgehammer to the ring it’s an automatic DQ. Orton calls for Dibiase and Rhodes to bring the security out. He calls out Triple H because there’s an empty limo in the parking lot. Mr. McMahon comes out instead! Orton looks shocked. Vince gets ready to fight. Shane comes out next, followed by Triple H. The McMahon men kick the shit out of Orton’s security detail, then brawl with Legacy. Orton and Triple H end up brawling in the ring as the show fades to black.

Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler welcome us LIVE to San Antonio. Tonight: Cena vs. Edge with Vickie as the special guest referee, an update on the Triple H/Orton situation, and will Ric Flair break his retirement to face Chris Jericho tonight?

The Undertaker & Shawn Michaels vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion John Bradshaw Layfield & Vladimir Kozlov. Kozlov overpowers Michaels to start. Michaels tags out to Taker, who comes in swinging. Taker clotheslines Kozlov out of the ring. Commercial. Believe it or not, the faces have the advantage when we return. Taker wrenches JBL’s arm and tags in Michaels, who knocks JBL down and hits the diving elbow. He sets up for the superkick, but Kozlov distracts him and allows JBL to knock him down with a boot. Kozlov tags in and goes to work on Michaels. Bad guys take turns dealing out the punishment to Michaels. Michaels finally makes the hot tag and Taker comes in to clean house. Taker goes for the chokeslam on JBL, but Michaels makes the blind tag and superkicks JBL for the win at 9:19. Michaels bails and Taker chases him up the ramp. Michaels disappears into the entrance way and Taker’s music hits. Michaels sneaks back in and lands the superkick to leave Taker laying. Commercial.

Moments ago: Read above, I’m not going to type it again.

Edge confronts Vickie in her office. He says he forgives her. Vickie says Show forced himself on her. Edge says he blames Cena for the whole thing. Vickie tells Edge to destroy Cena tonight, and if Cena lays a finger on her, he’s out of the title match at WrestleMania.

Last week: Triple H got arrested! They’ve shown that like 37 times already.

WrestleMania hype.

Triple H and Cody Rhodes come out for their match. Rhodes comes out alone, but it soon followed by the rest of Legacy. Triple H destroys Cody before the bell rings and pulls out his sledgehammer. He Pedigrees Rhodes and motions upward. A Steel Cage descends! The bell finally rings, so we’ve got…

Evan Bourne returns to ECW tomorrow night! Dammit, now I have to watch ECW again.

Earlier tonight, Ric Flair arrived!

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Dolph Ziggler. Ziggler tries to introduces himself. Rey doesn’t seem interested, and they lock up. Rey does some flippy shit. Cole says that Mysterio has challenged JBL to an IC title match at WrestleMania. Ziggler gets the advantage and locks in a full nelson, but Rey escapes with a jawbreaker and makes a comeback and hits a rana and his missile splash for the win at 2:16.

Will Flair accept Jericho’s challenge? It’s next… maybe!

Jericho comes out. He’s mad about Flair costing him his match last week and a spot on WrestleMania. He calls out Flair, who comes out not dressed to wrestle. Flair says he won’t break his retirement, but he’s found some guys who will wrestle Jericho: Jimmy Snuka, Ricky Steamboat, and Roddy Piper. The legends surround the ring, then step in and surround Jericho. Jericho tries to bail, but the legends jump on him. He slithers out of the ring and Flair decks him. He backs up the ramp and yells at the legends.

WrestleMania video: WrestleMania XV.

This Friday: Smackdown’s 500th Episode!

Grisham interviews an angry Jericho. Jericho challenges Snuka, Steamboat, and Piper to a match at WrestleMania, and demands that Flair be in their corner. He says he’s going to buy Mickey Rourke a front row ticket.

CM Punk, MVP, & Kofi Kingston vs. Kane, WWE United States Champion Shelton Benjamin, & Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas). Christian and Finlay are on commentary as Hornswoggle plays with King’s crown. This a Money In The Bank preview match. Some stuff happens for a couple of minutes and we go to commercial. When we come back, Kane is working over Kofi. Shelton tags in and goes to work on Kofi. Punk gets the hot tag and hits the Go 2 Sleep on Benjamin for the win at 8:35.

Another plug for Cena’s movie. WHEN WILL THEY LEARN THAT I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK?

Big Show confronts Vickie in her locker room. Show says Vickie is the one who came onto him. Show says Edge doesn’t love Vickie, but Show does. He says she looks sexy in the referee shirt. Ick. Commercial.

Earlier tonight: Shawn superkicked Taker.

Cole and Lawler run down the WrestleMania card.

Grisham tries to interview Triple H, who ignores him and leaves in his hummer with Stephanie!

Lillian Garcia introduces Vickie Guerrero for the main event. Commercial!

Non-Title: World Heavyweight Champion Edge vs. John Cena (Vickie Guerrero is the Special Guest Referee). Edge clamps on a headlock. Cena fights back and gets nailed with a shot. Cena hits his swinging Fisherman buster and covers, but Vickie doesn’t count. Cena confronts her and Edge attacks him from behind. Cena takes a spill outside. Edge follows and rams his head on the announce table. Back in the ring, Edge misses a spear and gives Cena the opening for his usual comeback. He goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Vickie covers Edge. She gets up and Cena hits it anyway. He goes for the F-U or whatever it’s called this week, but Vickie pulls Edge off. Cena locks in the STF and Vickie puts him in a chinlock. Big Show comes down and brawls with Cena. Edge and Show double team Cena. They tie him up in the ropes. Edge spears him. Vickie slaps him. Show slugs him in the gut and hits his knockout punch. Edge spears Show and celebrates. Fade to black.

Smackdown opens with a replay of the Edge/Show/Cena contract signing from Raw and the revelation of the Show/Vickie affair.

There’s a new Smackdown open since the last time I watched it. Jim Ross and Tazz are on commentary. Tonight, The Undertaker takes on Vladimir Kozlov! Also, Matt Hardy is going to tell all!

Non-Title: World Heavyweight Champion Edge vs. Kofi Kingston. Kofi finally gets his shot at revenge for Edge taking him out at No Way Out and taking his spot in the Elimination Chamber, where Edge won the World Title. Back and forth action for a minute and a half, Edge bails, insta-commercial. During the break, Kofi took a bump out of the ring. Edge works Kofi over. Edge heads to the top rope, but Kofi trips him, then kicks him off the apron and hits a crossbody out of the ring and onto Edge. Kofi hits a pair of big splashes for a near fall. I missed some action because my evil nephews are in my room being disruptive. On the outside, Kofi sends Edge into the steps, just like Edge did to him at No Way Out. Back in the ring, Kofi hnits a diving cross body for a near fall. Edge nails him in the face with a boot. He goes for the spear, but Kofi leapfrogs him and gets a near fall with a sunset flip. Edge blocks the Trouble In Paradise and locks in the Sharpshooter for the win at 6:59+ commercials. Nice little match.

Replay of the Triple H/Orton angle from Raw. World Tag Team Titles on the line NEXT!

Plug for Cena’s movie.

World Tag Team Championship Match: John Morrison & The Miz (c) vs. WWE Tag Team Champions Carlito & Primo Colon (w/ The Bella Twins). These teams have been having quite the series of matches lately from what I’ve heard. Carlito starts with quick pin attempts on Morrison. Primo and Miz go at it, then Carlito tags in and they double team Miz for a near fall. Carlito decks Morrison and knocks him off the apron. Morrison recovers and helps Miz double team Carlito for a near fall. Carlito takes the heat for a bit, then makes the hot tag to Primo. Primo hits a diving headbutt on Morrison, then tosses Miz out of the ring. Primo tags out and monkey flips Morrison, then Carlito clotheslines him for a near fall. Primo and Miz get sent out of the ring and Morrison hits the Moonlight Drive on Carlito for the win at 5:58. The Bellas leave with Miz and Morrison.

Tonight, Undertaker vs. Kozlov!

Another bit of the Triple H/Orton angle from Raw.

Tonight, Matt Hardy tells all!

Triple H/Orton video AGAIN.

R-Truth comes out. Commerical!

WrestleMania hype.

MVP & R-Truth vs. WWE United States Champion Shelton Benjamnin & Chavo Guerrero Jr. R-Truth blasts Chavo with a kick early on and gets a near fall, then tags in MVP. MVP and R-Truth take turns working over Chavo. Shelton declines to tag in until Chavo gets the advantage. Heels get heat on R-Truth and my young nephew is really fucking obnoxious. I wish it was still acceptable to backhand a child. MVP gets the hot tag and cleans house. He hits the Ballin’ elbow drop on Benjamin for a near fall. He ducks a shot from Chavo and pulls him into the ring. Truth runs for Chavo, but gets backdropped out of the ring. MVP sends Chavo out, but Benjamin hits the Paydirt on MVP for the pin at 6:03.

Matt Hardy is headed to the ring.

Last week, Matt cost Jeff Hardy a Money In The Bank Qualifying Match.

Matt comes out and cuts his promo on Jeff. He talks about Jeff’s house burning down and pulls out the dog collar that belongs to Jeff’s dog that died in the fire. Jeff comes out and snatches the microphone from him. Jeff says Matt was responsible for everything and that Matt hates him, but Matt hates himself more. Jeff beats the shit out of him and Matt begs off.

Edge and Chavo chat backstage. Edge gets the idea that Chavo has eyes for Vickie and chokes him.

Money In The Bank Qualifying Match, NEXT!

WrestleMania video, this time hyping WrestleMania XX. That boot trick that Eddie pulled on Kurt Angle was absolutely brilliant.
Money In The Bank Qualifying Match: Finlay (w/ Hornswoggle) vs. Brian Kendrick (w/ Ezekiel Jackson). This is for the final spot in the MITB match at WrestleMania. Zeke takes a cheap shot at Finlay before the match starts. Instead of allowing Kendrick to get the early advantage, it just pisses Finlay off. Finlay kicks his ass. Kendrick slaps Finlay and hides behind Zeke. Zeke distracts Finlay long enough to let Kendrick hit a dive and get the advantage. Kendrick hits a missile dropkick for a near fall. Finlay utilizes his awesome “trap the other guy on the apron” trick on Kendrick. Kendrick goes for the Sliced Bread #2, but Finlay hits the Schwein, er… Celtic Cross, for the win at 3:12.

Main event is NEXT!

Another plug for Cena’s movie. I still don’t care.

Ross and Tazz run down the WrestleMania card.

Undertaker enters for the main event. Commercial!

Kozlov pinned Undertaker a couple of weeks ago on Smackdown.

The Undertaker vs. Vladimir Kozlov. Boring brawl, commercial, Undertaker hits that awesome apron leg drop. Taker chokes Kozlov a bit, then Kozlov gets the advantage and beats on him. Taker backdrops Kozlov out of a headlock and hammers him with punches. Taker hits the snake eyes, but Kozlov headbutts him in the gut. More Taker punches. Taker hits Old School, chokeslam, and Tombstone for the victory (around 10 minutes shown).

Okay, so I started watching the show and 10 minutes in my computer crashed from trying to burn a DVD and rip a VHS at the same time. So, quick rundown of the first 10 minutes from memory:

WWE open, replay of the Triple H/Orton angle from last week, then Legacy going after him on Smackdown. They show a shot of “Orton’s house in Saint Louis,” where he’ll be giving a live interview from tonight. Triple H vs. Rhodes and Dibiase in a Handicap Match tonight.

Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler welcome us LIVE to Jacksonville, Florida as Shawn Michaels makes his way to the ring. He talks about facing The Undertaker at WrestleMania, then they play the video of all of Taker’s WrestleMania wins. Taker appears behind them and they banter back and forth.

What did Cena say to Vickie on Smackdown last week? Commercial, and I get my computer back up.

Hall of Fame hype.

Lillian Garcia announces that the following contest is for the Intercontinental Championship!

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: CM Punk (c) vs. John Bradshaw Layfield. They go back and forth, then JBL ends up on the outside and Punk hits a weak dive onto him. Commercial. Back from break, JBL has Punk in an abdominal stretch. JBL continues to wear down Punk and tries to get the victory, but Punk won’t go down without a fight. Punk manages to hit a Tornado DDT for a near fall and starts building his usual comeback. Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep, but JBL rakes his eyes and hits the Clothesline From Hell for the win and the title at 9:32. Sucks that Punk lost, but at least the finish didn’t make him look weak.

Randy Orton is shown in his “house” with his “wife.”

Vickie Guerrero tells JBL that she did him a favor by giving him the title match, now he has to a favor for her. Edge wants to know what Cena said to Vickie on Smackdown last week. Vickie says it doesn’t matter, Edge agrees, because it’s more important that he is signing his WrestleMania contract tonight.

Lawler and Cole are at the table. I have that WWE Crest t-shirt that Lawler is wearing. They interview Orton from “his house.” They replay the angle from Smackdown, with Orton kicking Triple H in the head repeatedly. Orton babbles on some more. Cole says they’ll be asking him more questions throughout the night. Women’s Champion vs. Divas Champion match, next!

Non-Title: WWE Divas Champion Maryse vs. WWE Women’s Champion Melina. All of the other divas are at ringside. It’s not officially a Lumberjack Match, but when Melina gets through out of the ring, the Smackdown divas throw her back in. Maryse gets the pin at 2:13, then all the divas get into a big brawl. The face divas stand tall at the end.

Last Friday: Cena interrupted the Edge/Big Show contract signing for WrestleMania, then he whispered something in Vickie’s ear that upset her. Tonight, the contract signing FOR REAL! It’s NEXT!

WrestleMania hype video: WrestleMania VI!

Vickie Guerrero is in the ring being obnoxious. She announces a 25 Diva battle royal for WrestleMania. She introduces Show, then Edge. Edge makes references to WrestleMania VI. They sign, then Cena comes out. Edge and Show decide to dispose of him, but Vickie says she invited him out there. Cena signs the contract too, so I guess that means a Triple Threat Match. Cena says he told Vickie he loves her on Smackdown. Edge says he doesn’t. Cena admits that he doesn’t, then shows a video of Show and Vickie kissing. Vickie tells Show she hopes he wins at WrestleMania, then slaps his ass. Cena makes an I Love Lucy reference, Edge gets mad, and we go to commercial.

WWE Rewind: Last week’s Jericho/Snuka angle.

Money In The Bank Qualifying Match: Chris Jericho vs. Kofi Kingston. I guess Kofi didn’t drop off the face of the earth after being attacked by Edge at No Way Out. Fine little athletic match. Jericho powebombs Kofi out of the corner for a near fall and stomps on him. Commercial! I bet when we come back, Jericho has Kofi in a submission hold. I win! Jericho has Kofi in a sleeper on the ground. Kofi escapes and makes a comeback. He hits a crossbody, but Jericho rolls through it for a near fall. He goes for his weird ground move, but Jericho punches him in the wang or something and goes for the Walls. Kofi counters and Jericho hits an enzuigiri for a near fall. Jericho hits the bulldog and misses the Lionsault. Kofi hits the move he was going for earlier (his version of the Five Knuckle Shuffle, I guess). He goes for the Trouble In Paradise, but Jericho locks in the Walls of Jericho. Ric Flair’s music hits and he comes out to the stage. Jericho breaks the hold and looks at Flair. He turns around and Kofi hits the Trouble In Paradise for the victory at 7:47. Good little match. Kofi does well when he’s working with someone good, and Jericho is pretty fucking good.

Next Hall of Fame inductee is… Koko B. Ware! He sure did hit a nice dropkick. He’s going to be inducted by the Honky Tonk Man!

Rey Mysterio, Christian, & Finlay (w/ Hornswoggle) vs. Kane & World Tag Team Champions John Morrison & The Miz. I bet Vince laughs his ass off at the marks who thought Christian was going to return to WWE and be a big star. His big return to Raw is in a throwaway six-man match and from what I heard he didn’t get much of a reaction. Christian and Miz start. Kane tags in and massacres Christian, then Morrison takes his turn. Christian makes the tag to Finlay, who cleans house. He tags in Mysterio, who hits the Bombs Away on Miz, and an AVALANCHE FRANKENSTEINER on Morrison. He covers, but Miz saves. Mysterio sends Miz out of the ring and sets up Morrison for the 619. Kane catches him and goes for a chokeslam, but he escapes. Finlay and Christian take Kane out. Mysterio hits the 619 and the West Coast Pop(!) on Morrison for the win at 3:53. Damn, Mysterio’s been working his ass off lately. They must have something good for him at Mania that nobody knows about yet.

Dibiase and Rhodes are headed to the ring!

Tomorrow on ECW, BATTLE ROYAL!

Next week, The Undertaker & Michaels vs. JBL & Vladimir Kozlov!

Plug for Cena’s movie. I don’t care.

Dibiase and Rhodes come out of the main event. Triple H doesn’t. They do the big where Lillian announces him and they play his music twice, but still no HHH. Dibiase and Rhodes are announced as winners by forfeit. Orton babbles on the big screen. The doorbell rings. He sends “his wife” to answer it, then thinks better of it. Triple H opens the door with his slegehammer and looks all over the house for him. Orton finally emerges from the cupboard under the stairs and casts Expelliarmus on Triple H, sending the slegehammer flying. Just kidding, he hits him with a golf club. They brawl, then Triple H throws Orton out of a window and kicks the shit out of him. The cops show up and arrest him. Of couse, Orton attacks Triple H and the cops just pull him away instead of arresting him too. Triple H goes to spend the night in lock up as we fade to black.

WWE open, then a video highlighting the Triple H sit-down interview and his backstage horror movie chasing of Legacy last week. Raw open.

Michael Cole welcomes us LIVE to Boston. Tonight, Randy Orton decides which champion he’ll challenge at WrestleMania. Jerry Lawler is in the ring. He announces that tonight, Edge will defend the World Heavyweight Championship against John Cena.

Roddy Piper’s music hits. There’s a little Piper’s Pit set on the stage. The music transitions into Chris Jericho’s music, and he comes out. He introduces a clip of the legendary Piper’s Pit where Piper hit Jimmy Snuka with a coconut. Jericho introduces his guest, Jimmy Snuka. Shock shock. Jericho has a cut between his eyes. They show highlights of various Piper/Snuka matches. Jericho bashes Piper for working indy shows and says all the other shit he says every week. Of course there’s the tease that Jericho is going to hit him with a coconut. Snuka grabs the coconut and Jericho runs away. Snuka celebrates and Jericho pushes the stage down onto him and beats him down. Commercial.

Moments ago: Chris Jericho beat down Jimmy Snuka!

The announcers dicsuss what happened, then hype the Edge vs. Cena title match TONIGHT!

Before the first match gets underway, let me rant for a moment. WWE IS SO FUCKING STUPID. It is SO FUCKING ANNOYING that they keep hyping the upcoming WrestleMania as “The 25th Anniversary of WrestleMania.” It’s NOT. This is worse than the “IC Title Tournament” thing a few months ago. It’s WrestleMania 25. It’s the 25th Annual WrestleMania. Why can’t they just say that? Why do they go out of their way to be stupid? Is the day you get married your first anniversary? NO. Is WrestleMania I the first anniversary of WrestleMania? NO. Shit like this is just stupid and it promotes stupidity of the people watching.

Money In The Bank Qualifying Triple Threat Match: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Mike Knox vs. Kane. CM Punk qualified last week, beating John Morrison and The Miz in another Triple Threat Match. Rey gets sent to the outside, then Kane and Knox knock each other down. Commercial. When we come back, Knox is punishing Mysterio with a backbreaker hold. Kane pulls Mysterio out, decks him, and goes in to fight Knox. Mysterio makes it back in and uses his speed to try to gain the advantage. Knox kills him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for a near fall. Knox picks him up to go for another move, but Mysterio hits a neat tornado DDT. Kane breaks the cover. Mysterio jumps off of Knox and hits the Bombs Away on Kane. He goes for the 619 on Knox, but Kane catches him and goes for the chokeslam. Mysterio counters and hits the 619 and the Bombs Away, but Knox breaks the cover. Knox his his finish on Mysterio, but Kane chokeslams him for the win at 8:45. Kane chokeslams Mysterio for good measure.

Tonight, Orton makes his decision!

Vladimir Kozlov is backstage warming up for his match with Shawn Michaels tonight.

Mickie James & Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix & Jillian Hall (w/ Santino Marella & Rosa Mendez). Women’s Champion Melina and Divas Champion Maryse join the announcers at ringside. Beth destroys Kelly. Jillian tags in and does the same. Mickie gets the hot tag and hits a diving Thesz press, but Phoenix breaks the cover. Kelly tags in and pins Jillian with a diving sunset flip at 2:38. Rosa jumps in and attacks Kelly. Melina tries to make the save, but Maryse drops her with a DDT outside the ring.

Another replay of the Triple H/Orton angle. Orton comes out with Legacy, lawyers, and security. Commercial. Orton says he’s challenging the winner of tonight’s Cena/Edge match. He says Triple H isn’t going to WrestleMania, he’s going to jail, because Orton is pressing assault charges. Triple H comes out. Long story short, Triple H convinces Orton to accept the match with him at WrestleMania. Orton agrees with the stipulation that Triple H can’t touch him until WrestleMania unless he’s physically provoked. Orton tries to provoke Triple H. Triple H says that the last time they had a match, Triple H broke Orton’s collarbone. This time, he’ll break Orton’s neck.

Shawn Michaels vs. Vladimir Kozlov. Last week on Smackdown, Kozlov beat The Undertaker. Michaels is flustered early on by Kozlov’s intensity. I don’t know if that sentence made sense. I need to read a dictionary. Michaels manages to lock Kozlov in the figure-four leglock, but Kozlov turns it over. Kozlov goes for his spinebuster type move, but Michaels bails. Commercial. When we come back, Kozlov continues to dominate. Shawn gets completely massacred for several minutes before countering an attempt at a top rope move from Kozlov and hitting the diving elbow drop. He follows with the superkick for the clean pin at 10:39. The match wasn’t awful. Undertaker comes out to stand on the stage and give the throat slash gesture. At least we have something on the WrestleMania card worth watching.

Who will join Steve Austin, The Funks, and Ricky Steamboat in the Hall of Fame class of 2009? We’ll find out NEXT!

Hype for Cena’s new movie.

Bill Watts is going into the Hall of Fame! He’ll be inducted by Jim Ross.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Edge (c) vs. John Cena. In-ring intros for this one. They start with a headlock sequence. Edge charges Cena, but gets lowbridged out of the ring. Commercial. Back from break, Edge is wearing down Cena with a rear chinlock. I imagine that when a match goes to commercial, the entire commercial break is just the heel holding the face in a rear chinlock. Too bad I’ve never been to a TV taping to see if it’s true. Cena starts his usual comeback. Edge gets a near fall with an Oklahoma roll. Cena gets a near fall with a schoolboy. Edge gets a near fall with his implant DDT. They tease an F…Attitude Adjuster off the middle rope, but Edge sends Cena crashing out of the ring. Cena barely beats the count back in. Cena makes his comeback. He goes for the Attitude Adjuster, but Edge locks in his leg hold. The Edgeucator? Is that what it’s called? Edge goes for the spear, but Cena locks in the STF. Edge gets a rope break and hits the spear for a near fall. Edge brings in the title belt. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjuster, but Edge hits him with the belt to cause the DQ at 12:19. Cena wins by DQ, Edge keeps the belt. Edge makes it up to the stage and sits down. Big Show comes out, followed by Vickie Guerrero. Vickie announces that Show is the #1 Contender for WrestleMania. Edge looks shocked, Cena looks disappointed, Show looks happy, and the crowd doesn’t care.