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All hail Lord Douche-ick Disick! It’s hard being royalty, especially when the United States’ version of royalty is over-paid, under-educated, over-exposed reality personalities who are famous because someone who is related to someone they once or thrice procreated with was tee-tee’d on (I’m old and Southern, sue me for not being cruder..in this instance at least!) for a multi-gajillion dollar sex tape. Such are the conundrums of Scott Disick.

Sure, the reality star is NOW famous (for lack of a better word) in his own right. He’s got three kids with family kash kow Kim Kardashian’s sister Kourtney, and the pair have a slew of spin-offs under their over-priced (but kind of classless) belts. But let’s be honest, Scott’s infamy is a product of his entitled behavior and penchant for booze and pills (allegedly). Plus, he’s a Lord, y’all, and he does what Lords do, like shattering mirrors in drunken rages, hating on his girlfriend’s family (warranted, so he’ll get a pass), and shoving dollar bills into the mouths of waiters who fail to cater to his every gross whim. Klassy!

Until now, that is! Sure, you know the name Dean Sheremet. You no doubt remember when the young dancer wed an even younger music phenom. You probably also recall that when said phenom tried her hand at a Lifetime movie (hey, it worked for Tori Spelling for a bit!) and began an illicit affair with her married co-star, Dean remained mum. Even in their divorce, Dean had little to say about his wife of eight years and her behavior. Let’s be honest, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Brandi was likely spewing enough hate for the both of them!

Accomplished actors have to be complete chameleons in order to to suspend reality for the audience and portray their characters. We don’t watch Rosemund Pike pretending to be Amy Dunne in Gone Girl….we are drawn into watching the craziness that is Amy unfold on our screens. To be honest, it was hard to come up with that analogy…one, while I am not opposed to a Ben Affleck full-frontal, I have yet to see Gone Girl (couldn’t put down the book though!), and two, all the Oscar nominated performances I watched this season were stories about real people, not characters. I didn’t want to sound trite or callous by comparing an actor to the true person he or she portrayed. So a Rosemund Pike/Gone Girl example it is! It’s a tough job, y’all.

Why am I even talking about actors and their craft? Well, because of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, of course! Actors must become storytellers, and I sometimes forget that Kim Richards, before she was the mess we see on Bravo, was quite the actress. I so wanted to be her on Escape to Witch Mountain, and I’m not ashamed to say that I own the entire Magnum, PI series on DVD. Kim is an actor and a storyteller, and she told one doozie of a story on this week’s RHOBH!

So Phaedra Parks is a bit less, um, genteel this season, wouldn’t you say? Don’t get me wrong, she’s still wants to seem like a refined Southern Belle, but her words are more Mad Dog 20/20 even if her voice is as smooth as a mint julep. Come to think of it, most Southern ladies (myself included) can be that way, so maybe she’s right on point!

I do know, however, that the Real Housewives of Atlanta star’s next career path should be that of a tree farmer. Phaedra is all about the shade this season! Granted she’s been through a lot with the Apollo drama, but I think she may just be coming a bit more out of her shell! Ooh how she came at Kenya Moore on this week’s episode, and Krayonce wasn’t even wielding a bullhorn!

All season, the women of Mob Wives have been gearing up for one final brawl, and last night? Well, clearly VH1’s attorneys have added some air-tight anti-violence clauses to their contracts since mid-season. Was that the finale? I am so confused. There were no previews for next week, but there was also no resolution. I’m exhausted trying to keep up with the Natalies.

Big Ang is hosting Renee Graziano at her home, and both ladies are happy they are in a better place after their knock-down-drag-out regarding Renee’s comment amount Natalie Guercio and the coke laced dollar bill. Ang is happy to see that Renee seems committed to her positive streak. Both women find it strange that Drita D’avanzo didn’t attend Renee’s spiritual rebirth, and Ang admits she hasn’t heard a peep from the friend she usually talks to several times a day. Renee wants to focus on the good and she’s ready to throw a big party. She hopes all of the ladies will come and be on their best behavior…because that always happens with this crew. She’ll remind Karen Gravano to keep it classy. Of course, if original Natalie wants to confront Natalie DiDonato about their beef, Renee will kindly step aside so the Natalies can handle their business like cage fighters.

Thank goodness for sources with the inside scoop! Reality Tea is fortunate to have one when it comes to Basketball Wives: LA, and our contact has been spot on with all of the assessments of the upcoming season. I am excited to see how it all plays out, especially in light of the anticipated Miami crossover!

Our insider has been sharing tidbits with us about the show for a while now. Filming of the new season is drawing to a close, and our behind the scenes informant shares that we need to expect the unexpected. Not everyone from Miami about whom we’d previously speculated actually made the jump to BBWLA, and the fan favorites are at odds with their co-stars. That’s the kind of drama I like!

Y’all. This girl can’t even. CAN’T EVEN! To say I’m over-the-moon about this would be the biggest understatement in the history of my love affair with reality television. To be completely honest, I think I’d be obsessed with Southern Charm even if it didn’t take place in my personal playground. Granted, by personal playground, I mean the place where the cable company mails my bills (semantics)…the only revelry I have in Charleston these days revolves around 50+ hour work weeks, wine, bagel bites and the occasional delicious beer at, well, Revelry. However, that’s about to change because Thomas Ravenel and crew are returning to Bravo on Monday, March 16th! {Squeals with delight!}

I don’t like to brag, but a few weeks ago I chatted with Shep Rose at Rue de Jean about the upcoming season. Okay, okay…so in his version of the story, I approached him like a Southern Charm fanatic (not to be confused with a groupie looking for a hook-up, although I’m not sure which is worse), asked questions he politely skirted, and forced him to pose for a picture, but still! I can confirm that they are all, in fact, good friends outside of the show, and he was a great sport about the entire debacle. Having learned my lesson, when I spotted Cameran Eubanks the other day at the grocery store, I gave her some space…even when she pulled her buggy behind me in line. See, I can exercise restraint! She was probably grateful for it, given that I’ve fan-girled her in the past–but that was for the job, dear readers. That said, the recently released super-trailer for the upcoming season is epic!

Well, the ALDC had a good run in Los Angeles, but it wasn’t good enough for Abby Lee Miller (what is ever good enough for her?). On last night’s Dance Moms, the team, the catty moms and the dance teacher from hell returned to Pennsylvania to continue their unique brand of drama. Holly is still fired up about Abby’s treatment of Nia in regard to Aubry O’Day and the Matty B video, and she’s upset with her fellow mothers for supporting Abby even when she was being completely unreasonable. Jill is on edge as well for being the only mom on Team Abby. Y’all know I’m not counting Melissa on that team as that’s just who she is. Back at the ALDC studio, the moms are tense as MacKenzie shares that she’ll be singing live in New York City. At least someone’s children are benefiting from Abby’s stellar management skills!

At pyramid, Abby berates her team for not being ready for L.A. She only coaches winners. Maddie is exempt from criticism because she wasn’t in the fray of insanity as she was busy guest starring on Disney’s Austin and Ally. Jill interrupts to remind Abby of her loyalty and hopes that everyone (read: Kendall) will now be in Abby’s good graces to reap the rewards in a quest for stardom. At first, I think Abby is going along with Jill’s flattery, but she quickly retorts that Maddie is the breakout because of Maddie’s talent (I’ll give Abby that for sure!), not because of Abby’s management. It must be hard for her not to take credit. Brynn is missing because her brother has serious diabetes and needs to be monitored. As Kira relays this news, Abby barks that they aren’t here to rip on Brynn. Um, Kira was simply stating that some things take precedent over dance, right? Kira can be a pot stirrer, but I don’t think that was her intention in this instance.