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Thursday, December 23, 2010

3 Pakistani Onions in Hindustan!

By Manuwant Choudhary

Onion Sharief: Aaah it was my dream to enter India through the Wagah border..did you see how angry those Indian soldiers were at letting us in..I don't know how they raise their legs higher than their heads.

Onion Bhutto: they seemed angrier at us than at kasab! I can't imagine what would happen to us if we fell under their boots?

Onion Parvez: actually it feels better being an onion than having to fight the Taliban.

Onion Bhutto: But why did you chose to become an onion?

Onion Parvez: I wanted to travel around India...the Indian government denied me a visa.

Onion Bhutto: But you've already seen the Taj Mahal..there is nothing else to see in India.

Onion Parvez: Last time I made that blunder by talking to that Prannoy Roy fellow...I had to walk so fast around the Taj Mahal that I did not really savour it fully. I want to sit there on a moon-lit night.

Onion Parvez: The K word don't even talk about it. We have enough people in Pakistan who want to be killed in Kashmir, why waste our life.

Onion Bhutto: Then what its better to die in Kashmir than in Gujarat. That Narendra Modi how he kills and gets away with it..even Supreme Court Special Investigation Team gives him a clean chit.

Onion Parvez: I know. In Gujarat even in a Muslim restaurant if you order Murgh do payaza..the waiter will bring you two onions but no chicken. All restaurants are vegetarian.

Onion Sharief: I know its better to be a chicken in Gujarat than being an onion.

Onion Bhutto: I wonder why they opened the Wagah Gates for us.

Onion Sharief: silly, silly you don't know if they did not open the Wagah gates, India's government would fall.

Onion Bhutto: If I only knew the power of the Wagah Gate, I'd not open it.

Onion Parvez: Too late, now. Its not about the gate you fools. I always felt you were both unfit to rule Pakistan. India allowed us onions to enter only because Indian onions became Rs.80 per kilo!

Onion Bhutto: So what?

Onion Parvez: In India every politician has an onion God. Those is power pray that onion prices do not rise, those out of power pray that onions become expensive.

Onion Bhutto: But why are Indian onions so expensive?

Onion Sharief: Didn't you see the BJP leaders wearing onions around their necks. They don't even know onions are to be eaten not worn around like a `maala'. Obviously, prices will go up if people buy onions for making garlands.

Onion Parvez: Don't blame the opposition. Even India's Prime Minister is to blame. See how many dinners he's given these past two months. First Obama, then Sarkozy, then the German Chancellor and then the Russians. And at dinner all the dishes had onions in them..onion soup, onion curry, onion rice, even onion pudding.

Onion Bhutto: But why so many oinion dishes?

Onion Parvez: To show the west that India is a super power.

Onion Sharief: (Looking out through a crack in the truck) Aaah the mustard fields remind me of my own Punjab. But I much prefer our decorated Pakistani trucks than the Tata trucks.

Onion Parvez: There I agree.

Onion Bhutto: I still have doubts as to why India's socialist leaders who believe in protecting small businesses and farmers would allow onions to come in.

Onion Parvez: Actually, I know two Indian politicians who like Pakistani onions. Advaniji and Jaswantji. Advaniji likes us because he was after all born in Pakistan. But Jaswantji likes only Pakistani onions who have a very British accent.

Onion Bhutto: But why would the Indian government want their people to eat more onions. Surely, you won't die if you don't eat onions.

Onion Sharief: I read somewhere that onions are an aphrodisiac....eating more onions means more passion and more sex. India wants to become a 2 billion population by 2018.

Onion Bhutto: But I always thought the BJP was a Hindu party and Hindus don't eat onions.

Onion Parvez: Wrong. Hindu Gods don't eat onions.

Onion Sharief: I think that Baba Ramdev is making something out of oinion juice..thats why he is able to spend 24 hours on TV in amazing postures and speak out against corruption as well.

Onion Bhutto: My nuclear scientist tells me India has a Plan B to meet its energy needs. Onion juice can be fermented and made into methane and it can produce electricity.

Onion Sharief: You know, i feel sad about one thing. I don't care why India has imported us but I do care why Pakistan has thrown us out.