By this time, my husband would come out of the bathroom screaming, “Apasalni Nizzar…?!!” And he would stare angrily at his daddy.

In the car going to school, both of us would be very quiet. He would be sulking and I would still be angry at him.

But nearing school, “Mummy, hold my hand, please..”

Masa tu lah rasa nak turn back and start all over again from home! Masa tu jugak lah rasa kesian pada budak ni,.. pagi2 lagi dah kena bangun, mandi, pegi sekolah while everybody else is still sleeping. Then I would feel very bad for yelling at him.

Sampai sekolah, he would hesitantly get out of the car. I would tell myself, “Be patient, be very patient. This is not easy for him, so don’t make it worse.”

“Mummy, please walk with me to school…”

At that cue, I would be betting, “Would he cry or not?”

So, I would take his hand and walk with him to the assembly area.

There are many parents going in and out of the school gate after dropping off their kids. Some would say hello to us and say, “Wah… you’re a good boy today, Nizzar… Don’t cry, ok..”.

But my little boy would just hold on to my hands tightly and not look up to the stranger’s face.

When we reach the spot where I would normally leave him, he would quickly hug me and won’t let me go. And he would start to cry..

“Mummy… I don’t want to go… I’ll miss you Mummy…” Sob, sob..

“No Nizzar, you have to go to school. Mummy have to go to work. It’s only for a while. Later when Mummy come back from work, we can play, ok.” I tried my best to calm him down. “Take a deep breath and stop crying.” , I added.

He would continue sobbing.

I have no choice but to push him away from me before it gets worse. Sometimes, I would ask one of the prefects to take him to his class, sometimes I would just leave him there so he’d make his own way to class.

It’s hard to let him go but if I stayed on, he would continue crying.

But there were some good days. Days when he would cheerfully waved at me as I took my leave. These would be happy days for me.

Now that he knows how to call me from the public phone, I’ve been getting his calls every morning at 9am when he breaks for recess. He would call me twice; once as soon as he comes out of class and the second time after he finished eating.

It’s quite nice to hear his voice like that. I just hope the teachers won’t disallow him from calling me every so often.

Next week, real class will start. I hope Nizzar can understand what is being taught and will be able to do his work well.

Monday, January 07, 2013

First day of school is always traumatic for parents, especially mothers. My little boy, Nizzar, started Standard One this year and boy, I tell you… it’s very distressing!

Day 1 – he went to the wrong class.

You know how it is on the first day of assembly? There were so many kids from Standard 1 right up to Standard 6. In Year 1 alone, there were 150 students - all seemed lost and terrified in the big crowd. Combined with the other classes, there must be close to 1,000 students at the assembly area that morning.

I was nervous, and I’m sure all the other Year 1 parents who were waiting at the assembly area were anxious as well.

My son was seated right at the back row because all the other kids had arrived earlier than us. I was watching him from far and he seemed just fine although he looked somewhat lost at times. That was understandable given the new environment and such.

After all the announcements and speeches, I heard the Headmistress announced, “Semua murid Tahun 1 diminta berdiri…!”

None of the Std One kids stood up. All the parents rushed to their kids and coaxed them to stand up.

I just stood there and continued observing my son from far.

Then the group started moving out of the assembly area towards the classrooms. I stood vigil and watched each and every one of the kid that passed by so I didn’t miss my son.

One by one had walked on by, but I didn’t see my Nizzar.

“Murid Tahun 2 di minta berdiri!”

Alamak.. dah masuk Tahun 2? Where’s my son?

Ok, maybe I’d missed him in the crowd… he’d probably had reached his class now.

So, I went up to his class. But when I got there, he was nowhere to be seen. His seat was empty.

What? Nanti kita jumpa dia? How long do I have to wait?? What if he had gone outside the school compound? What if he had gone elsewhere looking for me? Even I didn’t know the whole school compound!

So, I went to look for him myself. I went to all the Std One classes but he was nowhere to be seen. Then I went to the Std Two classes – still, he wasn’t there (although there were a few Std 1 kids found in those classes).

Then I went back downstairs to the assembly area – it was empty except for a few parents mingling around.

I felt my heart dropped. Have I lost my kid on the first day of school?

I ran up again to the class area and stumbled upon the Headmistress. “Cikgu, anak saya hilang. I cannot find him!”

The Headmistress just looked at me and said (without any sense of urgency in her voice), “Tak pe… dia mesti ada kat kelas lain tu..”, and walked on by entertaining the other parents.

I was mad! What if it had been your son? Wouldn’t you be worried? Wouldn’t you be alarmed?

Sweat was trickling down my face but I told myself not to give up. I went to each and every Std 1 classes once again to search for him, but still I couldn’t find him. In the end, I went back to his class and decided to just wait for someone to find him...

As I entered the class, I saw him. Sitting in the front row, head down. The teacher whispered to me, “We found him at the corridor. He went to Kelas 3.” (when his class is Kelas 2).

Phew... what a relief!!

The moment he saw me, he started to cry. I saw tears rolled down his cheeks and I could feel that he was so relieved to see me. Poor baby...

I ran up to him and gave him a big hug. “Where did you go? Mummy looked for you everywhere but I couldn’t find you. I was so worried about you, you know…!” Huu… Huu… now both of us started crying in the classroom!

Hee.. Hee… now you know why he didn’t want to go to school...

It was very trying for me to get him to go to school the next day and the days after. Every morning he would cry and come up with all sorts of excuses to stop me from sending him to school. Kasut panas lah, beg berat lah, the class is lame lah, he’s not well lah… macam macam!

It broke my heart to see him like that… but I had to be firm and continued sending him to school despite his pleadings. I knew for a fact, once he got into class, he would be okay.

Today, when I got home from work, he told me the best news ever - “Mummy, I am the Class Monitor!”