A good history lesson is a good history lesson, regardless of what kind of a movie surrounds it. The Conspirator is one such good history lesson, cause we doubt you (or we) know the inner-workings of the conspiracy behind Lincoln’s assassination, or its aftermath, or the rushed (in?)justice of all parties linked to it, or supposedly linked to it. What do you know of Mary Surratt? No, she had nothing to do with A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte. She may have had nothing to do with axing Lincoln either, but regardless, was tried for being a conspirator alongside all the real conspirators. Is she really guilty or just guilty by association? So many questions, so few answers, lots of stuffy courtroom drama, and it’s all worth learning about!! There will be a quiz (show), so sharpen those number 2 pencils

The material is right up righteous director Robert Redford‘s alley, and even if the results may not be the 2nd coming of All The President’s Men, what is? Cause the truth is out there, even if the government back then couldn’t handle it, or the exact truth was and remains unknown. The same might be true of today’s prosecution/persecution of terrorists or would be ones!! OOOOOOOH, WHAT MODERN DAY PARALLELS!! And obvious ones too!!

So back to Mrs Surratt (an un-make-upped Robin Wright-Penn). She had two things working in her disfavor: 1, her son was an accused Lincoln assassination plotter, who fled right after it all went down and thus looking even more guilty, and 2, her house served as a meeting place for all the plotters, including John Wilkes Booth (Sacha Baron Cohen lookish-a-like Toby Kebbell). Besides some questionable testimony by some witnesses (including Stephen Root!!), there’s not much directly linking her in the larger plan, besides being a mother and owning a home. That aint stopping an itchy Lincoln cabinet (Kevin Kline) and military court (Colm Meaney and Danny Huston) from exacting revenge and deciding her purty much pre-determined fate. Who would and could defend such a defenseless woman and winless case?

Enter the reluctant Frederick Aiken (a solid James McAvoy), after his mentor Reverdy Johnson (Tom Wilkinson, who can never do no acting wrong) quit on this lose-lose situation (if she’s found guilty, you fail as a lawyer, but if you get her off, you’re seen as a traitor to the Union, and the new and uneasy post-Civil War peace). Aiken starts off seeing his client juss like everyone else, beyond guilty, but as the ‘case’ unfolds, he starts to find the proceedings unfair, and most importantly, unjust. He’s now made this lose-lose situation a lose-lose-lose one. Even his trusted war buddies (James Badge Dale, and a way out of place and time Justin Long) and lady-in-waiting (Alexis Bledel) question his motives and actions, but it’s his case to fight, like it or not!!

If you don’t know the outcome of the case, skip the wikipedia entries and jump right into this open for interpretation history book. Heck, you might juss learn something, unlike most movies, which make you un-learn things!!

Shirts by My Man Marvkus

Advertisement

Nocturnal Animals Whatturnal Whatttttttttt???? Official Site| Trailer & Mo R | 116 min If David Lynch had his name attached to whatever Nocturnal Animals is, then we’d all be saying – woah – this David Lynch movie is pretty slick! But it’s a Tom Ford movie. And what does that mean? We only have one movie to compare it […]

Bleed For This THIS!!!!!!!!!!!! Official Site | Trailer & Mo PG-13 | 117 min Do you know the story of boxer Vinny Pazienza? If not, stop reading and go see Bleed For This! If you do, continue to read AND then go see Bleed For This!! Everyone loves an movie about an underdog, hispecially a sports one, where […]

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them School’s Out Forever! Official Site | Trailer & Mo PG-13 | 133 min YES!!!!! Finally, a Harry Potterverse movie without children!! No more pencils!!! No more books!!! No more teacher’s dirty looks!!!! And most spankfully – no more dumb Quidditch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So what does a Harry Potter-less movie world look like? Well, for […]

Arrival More Talk, Less Rock Official Site | Trailer & Mo PG-13 | 116 min Aliens have arrived! In pod shaped pods all over the globe! But they don’t speak English or Russian or Chinese or any language with an alphabet. So how can we communicate with them before we lose patience and destroy them???? Enter linguist Amy Adams, […]

Hacksaw Ridge Have No Gun – Will Travel Official Site | Trailer & Mo R | 139 min Sadly this movie is not about Hacksaw Jim Duggan Luckily it is about a different kind of an American hero – a REAL American hero… Desmond T Doss! Doss was a dude who fought in WWII… WITHOUT FIGHTING!!! OR EVEN TOUCHING A […]

Bleed For This THIS!!!!!!!!!!!! Official Site | Trailer & Mo PG-13 | 117 min Do you know the story of boxer Vinny Pazienza? If not, stop reading and go see Bleed For This! If you do, continue to read AND then go see Bleed For This!! Everyone loves an movie about an underdog, hispecially a sports one, where […]

Hacksaw Ridge Have No Gun – Will Travel Official Site | Trailer & Mo R | 139 min Sadly this movie is not about Hacksaw Jim Duggan Luckily it is about a different kind of an American hero – a REAL American hero… Desmond T Doss! Doss was a dude who fought in WWII… WITHOUT FIGHTING!!! OR EVEN TOUCHING A […]

we named the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2015 and now, for the only awards that matter… Twelvethie Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards aka THE THIGHSMANS!!! _ The Trash Humpers Biggest Piece of Humpy Trash Film of the Year!!!!! Me and Earl and The Dying Girl this movie makes me so mad cause it tries so […]

1) Deli Man I never reviewed this documentary, cause I saw it on a plane, and I usually don’t review movies I’ve seen on planes. It was the perfect plane movie, but it was also the perfect movie movie – it was funny, and entertaining, and informative, and it actually made me cry – tears of joy. […]

you know the drill – 2015 was all Kylie and Kylo and Kenny G, and 2016 is gonna be KKK free. How do we know? We juss do. Anywho, The Washington Post does a list thing, and so do we, cause old habits fry lard… OUT IN Kristaps Porzingis – Please Stop Bazinga – The Dress is Black […]

boob tube groove tube tube tube loob… aka, here’s the best in TV, 2015 1. Restaurant Startup (CNBC) It’s like Shark Tank, but less annoying, and more evil, and more awesome, and food!!!!!!!!!!!! Show was so fcuking good that I refused to watch the last episode of the 2nd season until about 3 months later, cause […]