Posts from the ‘Writing’ Category

Did I ever mention that I have a living alarm clock (LAC)? Yes, it is true. Somehow, I can never get it set to the appropriate time for my roll out. It has a mind of its own and it has decided that any time between 5:30 and 6 a.m. is a perfectly fantastic time to go off every single morning.

Even on the weekend, it refuses to let me use the snooze button. On the rare occasion that is doesn’t try to rouse me at the aforementioned time, somewhere in my (obviously, messed up) subconscious I get concerned that the LAC is broken. I then wake up at its “set” time anyway, just to check. The LAC knows how to “set” me, not the other way around.

Given that it is of the feline persuasion, I guess that is to be expected. Someone fed the LAC once, maybe twice, at 6 a.m. and now that is de facto breakfast time; no excuses. There are no “snoozes” without being bothered constantly. The torture can go on for hours. Trust me; I have tested various ways to shut my LAC off, to gain those few, extra, precious hours one might get to sleep in on the weekend, with no luck.

The LAC has a step-by-step procedure that ensures its success (a full tummy) and my grumbling first thing in the morning, every morning. It begins with the sweet “stare at mom intently right near her face” bit, then the famous “whiskers are for tickling mom’s face to wake her up” trick. Now, you have to give LAC credit for being gentle with me at first. That is a very kind gesture, but the torture progresses.

The previous actions are followed by the infamous “I’ll just give her a light tap on her nose, maybe her eyelid” and then (if the alarm clock is feeling extra-fancy) “If I add just a little claw to that pat thing, she will stir, I know it.”; both LAC patented moves. Lately, “Let’s nip at her fingers that gets her stirring.” has been added to the repertoire. Good one, LAC. Good one.

Sleeping with the covers over my head doesn’t work, as I can’t breathe under there and the LAC loves getting under the covers. Also, bumping (ahem,I meant gently nudging) her off the bed and saying (well, really, whinging) “Nooooo…Go awaaaay….I am trying to sleep.” never works. (Note to self: Yeah, like that’s ever going to work.) She just snuggles under the covers to continue the bothering or jumps back up and resumes her step-by-step attack at point one. Now, I may be complaining, but I wouldn’t give up my LAC for the world. I would feel lost without my living alarm clock. Even as I am composing this post, she is repeatedly begging me for a few of the treats “hidden” in the night stand drawer. Her name is Pandora and she has been my “baby” for sixteen years. Read more…