Police in the Florida Keys pulled over 46-year-old Robert Rioseco after he was allegedly clocked doing 87 mph (140 kmh) and then doing 127 mph (204 kmh) down the Overseas Highway. Police say that when he got out of the car he reeked of booze and that three of his young children were in the car with him. The kids were turned over to their mother and were relatively unharmed.

Now some may think that this is a funny story since no one was hurt but I beg to differ. My dad was a drunk and he used to drive us around drunk all the time. This was during the 1970s before DUIs were seen as the reprehensible crime that they are now. Just him driving us to the local mini mart while drunk was terrifying enough for me. I can’t imagine how terrifying it must have been for these kids going over 120 mph on a bridge that is mostly just surrounded by water. One careless mistake and we could have been talking about how much of senseless tragedy this was after they fished the kids out of the Atlantic Ocean.

I got two things to get out of the way first. Trench’s current hometown of Charlotte, North Carolina is the Queen City, not Cincinnati. I’ve never heard of a Queen Cincinnati. Secondly that is in fact the dude’s mugshot and not his driver’s license picture.

Anyway the dude in question is 33-year-old Timothy Leon Johnson. He was stopped in Charlotte for not only being allegedly high as fuck but for also having weed in the car. Also in the car were a 6-year-old boy, a 6-year-old girl, and a 14-year-old boy. Now the article doesn’t say Johnson’s relation to the children but since he was charged with child abuse I’m going to assume they’re either his, his girlfriend’s who was in the car with him, or some combination of both.

Johnson was stopped at 6:47 pm. To me that sounds like a real winner who was smoking dope all day then had to pick the kids up. Do you know what kind of people drive while they’re high or drunk? Addicts, that’s who.

Sad Tits McGee over there is 24-year-old Mary Torres of Lorain, Ohio. She was arrested for driving drunk with three kids in the car. Two of the3 children were her 6 and 3-year-old sons. Police say she stumbled out of the car and that she was so intoxicated they couldn’t administer the field sobriety test because she was so allegedly drunk that administering the test would have put Torres in danger.

However when they got her back to the station she blew an impressive .254 BAC which lands her in the #3 spot of the BB BAC Board. But that’s only half of the historical part. The second is that face *shudder* has launched a new feature here on BB.

THE BAD BREEDERS MUGSHOT SMACKDOWN!!!

In the first ever BB Mugshot Smackdown we have Mary ‘Sad Tits McGee’ Torres (as seen above) vs.

It’s not just men that leave their kids in the car so they can get their drink on.

In Phoenix, Arizona 27-year-old Rebecca Barrera was arrested for allegedly leaving her 6 and 8-year-olds sleeping in the unlocked car in the bar parking lot while the keys were in the car.

After police arrived and the DJ requested that the children’s parent(s) to go to the car Barrera allegedly claimed that she was a ‘friend’ of the mother and would go get her. And by going to get her she must have meant hiding out in the women’s restroom. Which is like trying to hide a joint in your cigarette pack. It’s the first place the cops will look.

After the brief manhunt (Womanhunt? personhunt? something that rhymes with hunt hunt?) Bararea blew a .152 BAC which puts her in 2nd place on the PBB BAC board. However you may say that ‘Trench, she’s not eligible for the board since she wasn’t driving.’ To which I say au contraire as she allegedly admitted to police not only drinking before getting to the bar but drinking on the way to the bar with the kids in the car. I believe that makes her more than eligible.

The kids supposedly slept through the whole thing until their aunt came to get them.

I love Las Cruces, New Mexico and I’ve never been there. I just like saying the name in my fake Spanish accent. Plus it means The Crosses which a semi-religious metalhead like myself loves.

However news is not so happy today out of Las Cruces as 29-year-old Jessica R. Brandon was arrested for DUI after a motorist reported her car weaving and it was also reported that she struck a concrete barrier with her vehicle and drove off.

Of course the reason you’re reading about her here is because she had her kids in the car with her, her 4-year-old and 1-month-old daughters.

I would love to know what time of day this was.

Luckily the girls were uninjured. Unluckily we do not have her BAC for the BAC page. I think that should be required in all DUI articles.

Look. I’m a guy. I used to be a guy who enjoyed strip clubs. I don’t think there is anything wrong with going to one AS LONG AS YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR FREAKIN’ KIDS WITH YOU!!!

Seriously what is wrong with you assclowns that keep doing this. Are you so lonely and horny that your kids’ welfare is second to your desire to get a lap dance?

The latest assclown in the strip club parade is 36-year-old Michael Galloway who left his 3-year-old and his 9-month-old in the car with the windows rolled up in the parking lot of a Dallas strip club.

I’ve never been to Texas but if it is anything like North Carolina I would imagine you’re having some pretty warm weather right now.

Dickweed said that he was only in the joint for 20 minutes like that makes it any better. However witnesses say he was drinking in the club for at least an hour.

He was arrested around midnight which is a great time to have your kids out on the town with you.

That ravishing beauty over there is 41-year-old Angelica Godinez of Antioch, California. She has the distinction of being recently arrested in the Reno, Nevada area for leading police on a chase, in a minivan, while intoxicated, here it comes….wait for it…with a 10-year-old child in the van.

Also in the vehicle were an adult female and the adult female’s 10-year-old daughter. The child was not the daughter of Godinez.

The Nevada Highway patrol says she sped by past officers who had stopped another car and almost clipped them.

No word on her BAC so we can not adds her to the board just yet.

According to the article this is common place for this area of Reno and Godinez was the 6th person stopped for drugs or alcohol with a child in the car.

28-year-old Candy Ann Rock (really?) of Enfield, Connecticut (see what I mean) has been arrested for leaving her two kids, ages 3 and 1, in a freezing car. The local temp was 28F and the kids were in the car for 18 minutes.

The ironic part is ‘Mom’ was inside the tanning salon getting her melanoma on.

You know, when I was in my single days I used to frequent the gentlemens clubs. I may have even put a couple of dancers’ kids through school. But one thing I never did was take kids with me.

That didn’t stop Kenneth J. Summers though. He allegedly went to a strip club in Clearwater, Florida at 11pm while leaving a 3 and 4-year-old in the car. He was in the club for somewhere between 30 and 60 minutes.

It doesn’t say how police were notified but of the club patrons were the ones that called police it kind of restores my faith in humanity a little.

It also doesn’t say what his relationship to the kids were. Any guesses? I’m thinking bad boyfriend.