And by special, we mean magical jelly beans! That's what those are, right? Certainly not small objects of a more hallucinogenic and sinister nature. Goodness, no. Why, next thing you know, they'll be putting knives and guns and knifeguns in these things. But that'd just be-- oh. Oh gracious. Did he just stab that man in the... What about his family? Who will make payments on their home? ...Which just exploded. But look, hang-gliding! Isn't that nice? So, to conclude, Far Cry 3 is about jelly beans and hang-gliding and paying off loans on time with no complications. Yep. That's it. Check out the full trailer after the break. Click gently, though. The trailer's a docile creature. Don't want to frighten it.

After what's felt like a lifetime of playing Ezio's, well, entire life, Assassin's Creed is finally in for a much-requested/angrily demanded change of scenery. More specifically, the American Revolution is about to get a massive shipment of conveniently placed hay bales, which have somehow been imbued with the magical power to muffle the sound of a 170 lb or so man falling 100 feet. But we digress. So far, Ubisoft's only officially sent along a box shot of AC III's tomahawk-wielding main character making a British soldier's head revolt from the rest of his body, but All Games Beta has managed to dig up roughly a billion screens depicting everything from wildlife hunting to George Freaking Washington. Ubisoft's PC indiscretions notwithstanding, this has us pretty damn intrigued. Apparently, more info's coming on Monday, so we'll emerge from our impregnable hay bale bunker as soon as that happens.

Exciting news! Two of Ubisoft's biggest games are, in fact, launching eventually. It wasn't all some cruel, multi-million dollar practical joke after all. More specifically, Far Cry 3's going mad for madness on September 4, and Assassin's Creed 3: Goodbye, Obnoxious Subtitles is taking a stab at renewed greatness on October 30. Which would be cause for cake and pinatas shaped like Desmond's dumb face, except that Ubisoft doesn't exactly have the best history with PC and on-time release dates. Somewhat encouragingly, Assassin's Creed: Revelations only slipped one month instead of the usual three, but we're not getting our hopes up. It's not all bad, though. For instance, there's a snazzy new Far Cry 3 CGI trailer after the break, and we've done a really good job of not making fun of it for starring Nathan Drake from Uncharted yet. Wait.

DRM sucks. You know it, we know it, Gabe Newell and CD Projekt know it. Ubisoft apparently never got the memo however, and in the process of switching servers next week, the company will offer up yet another reason for DRM sucktitude. Thanks to that nasty always-on DRM, six games won't be playable whatsoever during the move -- single player included. Plenty of other games will have their multiplayer capabilities "impacted" during the transition, including console versions of the games.

We’ve almost completely given up discussing Ubisoft DRM here at Maximum PC, and with good reason. Just about every PC release seems to ship with some draconian and insanely punishing copy protection mechanism designed to drive paying customers insane. Anno 2070 was no different, releasing with an activation system that limited you to a total of 3 lifetime activations, ohh and upgrading your video card, as discovered by Guru3D, counts against this total.

You make a finite amount of money. Typically, that money gets spent on essentials, like paying the rent, your bills and procuring fine single malt scotches. With so many needs to attend to, by the end of the month, most folks find themselves with precious little scratch left over to spend on their wants, meaning that decisions and sacrifices will have to be made. Will you be going out to dinner or seeing a movie? Socking away a bit of coin for a rainy day or for a vacation? Buying software or… not? After all, why buy when you can pirate everything most of today’s popular titles for the low, low cost of free? Well, we’ll tell you. Before you decide to go torrent an application or game you’ve been keen on, consider our 10 practical arguments against piracy, and always try to remember — you get what you pay for.

Ubisoft hates it when pirates plunder the company’s gaming wares online. They’ve been at the forefront of the DRM battle, and by that, we mean they’ve been forcing DRM-ridden content down PC gamers’ throats left and right. It gets worse: Ubisoft won't even be publishing its upcoming “I Am Alive” on the PC due to piracy concerns. Disappointed PC players have been vocal in their displeasure, but all the “bitching” doesn't change the facts, creative director Stanislas Mettra says.

Team Rainbow's done seeing the sights (and then blowing them up) in Vegas. Now they're headed to... well, we don't really know. But the red, white, blue, and morally gray “True Patriot” terrorists have their sights set on a much bigger target: the entire free world. OK, not really. We've just always wanted to say that. They are gunning to bring down the whole American government, though. So that's kind of a big deal.

Wait, what? Did we really just write that headline? No, that can't be. But it is! It only took the dismayed cries and raised pitchforks of every PC gamer on earth, but Ubisoft has finally heard our plight. In a scant couple of weeks, From Dust's supposedly non-existent DRM will be given the “ashes to ashes, dust to dust” treatment. So then, this is it, right? The beginning of a new era, with Ubisoft and our beloved platform leading the charge hand-in-hand? Er, not quite.

At this point, it's no longer a matter of whether or not the metaphorical car will end up in a horrible twisted flaming wreck. That's been plainly obvious for months. Now it's a matter of how. And, hoo boy, things are going downhill fast. First, From Dust's PC port suffered a month-long delay shortly before a trouble-free console release. But then Ubisoft promised a reprieve from its “always on” DRM nonsense, so at least that was something. And the painfully predictable twist? The DRM does require an Internet connection, the port's in terrible shape, and our tolerance of Ubisoft's apparent disdain for PC gamers has been dead all along.