Category: Body Image

Change is as good as a holiday…or so they say… But change has happened and now it’s time to embrace it. My trainer, Jake, has decided to move on to a different line of work so unfortunately won’t be training me anymore. I’m pretty gutted, as was really enjoying the journey we were on… BUT things aren’t as terrible as they could be, coz I’m back with Mark, my original trainer. We’ve had four sessions so far and they have been awesome. Mark’s dedication to the job and love for what he does is infectious – so it’s hard not to feel really motivated at the moment.

The sessions are a bit different, lots more attention on my technique which means I’ve had to take the weight down a little bit but I’m still loving it. I’ve been eating well, drinking loads of water and feeling pretty good. So I’ve made the decision (thanks to a slight push from my darling friend Kate) that it’s time to compete. Actually put my powerlifting into action and see where it can take me. It’s a scary but exciting step, and I know I have an amazing cheer squad who will be behind me every step of the way. The other night we did squats, lots of them, with 30kgs – and this time we went aaaaaaall the way down, instead of the ¾ squats I was doing before. Learning to engage my glutes, which will help so much more in competition. I am still feeling it today…

Sunday night I caught up with my amazing nutritionist. She really is an incredible person and I feel so blessed to have her watching over me. Anyways, it seems my morning cortisol levels are really low. From what I have read (and please correct me if I’m wrong), cortisol levels rise and fall during a 24hr day, and it is normally at its highest between 6am-8am. Cortisol is produced by the adrenal gland and is often known the “stress” hormone as it is secreted at higher levels during the bodies “fight or flight” response to stress and is responsible for several of the stress related changes in the body. It helps support blood sugar levels and helps metabolism.

With my crazy hours and lack of sleep, my adrenal glands are under huge amounts of stress which is causing adrenal fatigue – hence the low levels of cortisol in the mornings. Adrenal fatigue is normally characterised by the following:

– Feeling tired for no reason
– Trouble getting up in the morning
– Rundown or overwhelmed
– Difficultly bouncing back from illness or stress
– Craving sweet and salty snacks
– More awake, alert and energetic after 6pm

The shocking and hard thing is – I’ve been feeling fatigued like this for a while, but just saw it as quite normal, until now. I’ve been commuting 2.5hrs each way to work for nearly 9 months now, and this tired feeling has slowly snuck up on me. It’s really hard finding a balance between making sure I have my life organised, spending time with my boyfriend and sleeping. I get asked so often how I do it – and I’m not really sure…it’s the choice I have made at this point of my life, so I just need to get it done. Fatigue is different from just being tired…it’s hard to concentrate, “foggy” feeling in the brain, and just a general overall run down feeling.

So what can I do? Apart from try and get more sleep at night (which is going to be difficult) I am now starting that mission to find the answer – will keep you posted.

For now, I’m making sure I’m staying as relaxed as possible, deep breathing, and today at lunch even did some stretching our meeting room floor.

BUT on a happy note my weight is slowly dropping, which is great. It’s such a satisfying feeling knowing I’m treating my body right, and it’s responding in a positive way.

Being proud of yourself is a funny one – but I think it’s something everyone should embrace. Even if it’s just looking yourself in the mirror and saying “You did good today” you need to congratulate yourself on the milestones. It feels a little bit weird at first, but stick with it. Being about to look yourself in the eye in the mirror and give a compliment is such a huge part of loving your awesome self. And trust me – you are awesome. Try writing it down on a piece of paper and reading it back to yourself, you won’t be able to wipe the smile off your face.
Today I am so unbelievable proud of what I have achieved.

– I had a sneaky weigh in this morning and I sat on 88.2 – words cannot even describe how it feels to weigh this. 90kgs has literally stuck with me for months and months, and to see a number under that was incredible. Proud!

– I also had a deadlift session tonight. About 12 weeks ago I reached a PB of 140kgs, but after Christmas and then injuring my back I struggled to get back up there. Tonight I made it – 140kgs. We then followed with 4 x 8 100kgs and then 4 x 6 100kgs. It ruined me and MAN it felt good. Proud!

– I’m also LOVING watching my body change. I have a waist now, my legs are looking amazing and I’m noticing a change in my arms and back. Proud!

By the time the weekend hits, I’m pretty buggered, so I like to take some timeout to do some meditation, yoga and reflection. On Saturdays especially, I like to go out for a massive walk, and then come home and cook myself some eggs and a smoothie, sit and enjoy the morning. I can’t help but laugh at how much I have changed over the last month or so. Before, I would literally just eat toast with honey or marmite…all day in the weekends. I would feel depressed, gross and sink deeper into the unhealthy lifestyle. But now…BOOM! There’s no stopping me. I think it’s really important to take time to reflect on what you have learned when you’re going through a change. It makes it easier to realise just how far you have come, notice what you’re finding difficult and make a plan to overcome these difficulties.

For me, my difficulties are when I’m tired, this is when my sugar cravings and fatty food cravings hit the hardest. So this is where being prepared is SO important. With my crazy commute to and from work every day, I’m having to have one night during the week where I cook and get to bed a little later than normal. It’s hard and I get grumpy, but I just have to push on through and remind myself WHY I’m doing it.

This morning I’m sitting down with my avo and cacoa smoothie (Thanks Mia) and having a think about what I’ve learned so far…

Support: There is no way I could do this without the support and love that I have. Don’t try and do it yourself. There is so much knowledge and advice out there, but you need to get out and get it. Ask questions, seek the knowledge and learn. Read my post on Reaching Out for more on this.

Be Happy: This is one of the most important lessons I have learned. You need to be happy, you need to enjoy what you are doing. Find what you enjoy and stick with it. For me – it’s my weight lifting. People actually think I’m crazy when they learn how much I lift, but for me, nothing beats that feeling I get after a big weights session. I think this is so important in all aspects of your life – have a hobby! Whether it’s scrapbooking, or collecting shells, doing puzzles or gardening, have something that is just yours, and makes your soul happy when you do it. Take time out each day to be grateful for what you have. It may feel lame, but after a while it just feels like part of your routine. Every morning when I’m having my cup of hot water and apple cider vinegar I sit, smile and be thankful. It sets me up for a good day every day. Read further about being happy here.

Life only comes around once, so do whatever makes you happy, and be with whoever makes you smile.

Learn: Take time each week to do some research. There are so many different ideas, diets, fads, success stories and things to try. RESEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH. Know what you’re doing before you do it. I’m very lucky to be working with a holistic nutritionist who I am learning SO much from and I love it.

Plan and be prepared: I can’t say this enough, PLAN PLAN PLAN. I read once that if you don’t plan you plan for failure. Man this is true! Use an afternoon in the weekend to plan and prepare your meals. Lately, I’ve also taken much pleasure in cooking my meals. It’s a real feeling of success when you look in the fridge and see healthy food that I’ve cooked. Be prepared for those moments when you want something extra – this really eliminates any chance of going to the crap food.

Find your motivation: I feel there are two sorts of motivation – external and internal. External being the people around you – for me it’s my trainers, my boyfriend, my parents, my friends and my nutritionist. Internal being the small things you have that you do just for you – I have my inspiration board, my tip jar, and the little bit of happiness that I get when I know that I’ve worked my hardest. I’ve written more on this here.

Breath: I never knew the importance of this until recently. Take a few minutes every hour or so to take 10 deeps breaths. That’s all you need to do – trust me, you’ll notice the difference.

Yesterday:
Bike – 30secs on and 30secs off
Bike – 1min on 30secs off
Dumbell row and over-head press
Walking lunges and 30secs of steps
Finished with 4mins of 20secs on 10secs off on the rowing machine

Tonight:
DEADLIFTS (my fav) – Worked my way up to 120kgs. Did 2 sets x4 and x3
Barbell rows – 40kgs 5 sets of 10
Seated row – not sure how much weight but it was heavy. 3 sets of 8
Single arm row – 25kg dumbells 5 sets of 8

DEAD! But SOOOOOO happy! My fitness seems to be reaching a new level. Which is awesome. I have a love/hate relationship with intervals, but the fitter I seem to be getting, the more I seem to love it. And tonight I loved it.

So as you all know I’ve been working very closely with the amazing Amelia (verde-health.com) who has been helping with my diet. One of the things I’ve really been working on is being conscious of my eating – enjoying the food and really enjoying each new dish I’m eating. I’m actually really enjoying eating new foods and trying new things – it’s a big step for me.

But one thing I do still struggle with is turning down yummy stuff. Candy, biscuits, anything on the “you shouldn’t eat this” list. So I’ve learned a new trick, and it’s working out pretty well. Learn to say less.

So how does “saying less” work? WELL. Previously when I’ve been eating healthy (or on a diet) I’ll live by the principle of saying NO to everything that doesn’t “fit” in the diet, I’ll say no over and over and over again until I can’t do it anymore and I’ll end up eating well over what I should. So now, I’m saying less. Still enjoying those treats but learning to say less and be satisfied with it! We had biscuits in the office the other day, and normally I would say no, no, no, no, ohhhhhhhhh ok…grab a couple, and then suddenly I’ve eaten most of them. But now, I just say less. Have one, enjoy it (thoroughly) and then be done with it. It’s a step in the direction of self-control.

Now self-control is a difficult one, and something I REALLY struggle with. It’s like a switch in my brain just turns off and I just eat everything yummy. Everything I can see. I think by “saying less” I can set myself a limit and enjoy it. Binge eating was a regular event for me… like I’ve said before I would eat every time I felt some sort of emotion: happy, sad, angry, bored… looking back I’m quite impressed at how much I could eat (read emotional eating part 1 and part 2)

Today was pretty hard and it was the first time I felt those food emotions flood back. I had quite a stressful morning which turned into a rather stressful day. My yummy food brain clicked into over drive and I wanted food. Bad food. Now. BUT 100 points to me coz I worked my way through it and rewarded myself with deadlifts. BEST REWARD EVER.

Today I thought I’d get a little bit personal, as it’s been playing on my mind quite a bit lately. Negative influences and their impact on your health journey. I was looking at photos from a few years ago the other day– when I was at my biggest and I actually have to pat myself on the back at how far I’ve come. Both mentally and physically. I’ve still got a long way to go – but man I’ve done well. I mainly look at my mental health – I was pretty low back then. I’m not sure why I didn’t just do what I’m doing now – I know my mother tried and tried and I even think to some extent I WANTED to – but just didn’t. I much preferred drinking and eating (and guys) to mask any sadness and self-loathing. There always seemed to be a drama going on as well. With friends, uni, guys, and my body – I would find every excuse under the sun.

The first step into a healthier life was to get rid of the negative energy surrounding me. It’s amazing how fresh you feel once you walk away from any negativity and fill your life with positive influences. And here is the scary part: Yes – this may mean you will walk away from some friendships, and do you know what – that’s ok! If that friendship, no matter how long you’ve known each other or what you’ve been through together, is a negative influence, take a deep breath and walk away. Your body and your mind will thank you for it. This was a really tough one for me to realise, as friends are a massive part of my life. As someone who was bullied pretty badly in highschool, having lots of “friends” was important to me. It made me feel important. WOAH, this was wrong. Right now, I have the most amazing network of positive friends who support me through every step of the way – no negativity at all!

I read this the other day and it really stuck with me

“Working out is hard; being overweight is hard. Which hard would you prefer?”

Being overweight is hard, trust me. Not being able to find clothes that fit, constantly thinking “I wish I could wear that”, not to mention that health issues. But once you take that step out of that “overweight” box, you won’t want to step back in. I’m still overweight (according to my doctor) but the difference is, now I THINK healthy, I EAT healthy, I AM healthy.

Here is what I’ve done for a healthier, positive life

– Remove the negativity – people included. This is hard and may take some time, but it’s
worth it. Surround yourself with positivity!
– Be thankful – every morning take the time to be thankful for the good things in your life
– Laugh everyday and SMILE!
– Be an optimist – see the best in every situation.
– Realise that happiness is a choice! YOU can decide to be happy! YOU can decide to be positive!

This week is hard. I have had a ridiculous headache all week which has put me in a very mad mood. I’m pretty sure it’s sugar withdrawls, and it sucks. I’ve been reading lots about it, but seriously body – get over it. I caved a little in the afternoon on Monday and got myself a skim chai latte, and what a difference it made…I managed to get through the afternoon at least. It’s weird though, I’m not craving candy, not at all – the thought of a bag of candy right now actually makes me feel a little queasy, but obviously my subconscious still things it’s a great idea. How I managed to get through bags of candy at a time and not feel anything really baffles me! I just have to think positive! This will get easier!

Anyways, Monday night was legs – which I love. I love how strong my thighs are (read Thunder Thighs regarding my love for my thighs) and I love how far I can push myself. Tonight I even felt strong enough to do some squats which was very exciting – we only did up to 60kgs (50kgs less than my max) but after a few sets of 10 I was feeling it. We followed these up with some single legpress (100kg thanks very much) some stair running with weights and some intervals – I was wrecked!! I love sessions like this – I’m so exhausted I can’t talk, all I can do is concentrate on the next breath and making sure I don’t face plant. I’ve finished off on such a buzz, and my headache magically went. Well done exercise, well done.

On Saturday I night I cooked possible one of the yummiest things ever. My boyfriend had invited his mate over for dinner and we cooked Kumara (or sweet potatoe) Pizza. Recipe thanks to Mia at verde-health. Slice kumara up into thin slices and cover a pizza tin as the base. Roast in oven for about 15mins, then cover with toppings. We put on some tomato paste, chicken, baby spinach, capsicum and onion and then cooked in the oven. When it came out we put on some avocado and this delicious mayo type sauce made from cashew nuts and coconut cream and then we ate it all. It was amazing. It went down an absolute treat and I’m pretty sure it will be a regular dish! What I’m starting to get my head around is integrating this new lifestyle into my old life…a merger. Like I’ve said before – I like to go out and socialise, it’s just now a matter of trying to still stick to my healthy eating plan, while keeping social. It’s ok to meet a friend for lunch and bring my salad in a container – no one is going to look at my strange! Although there are situations where this isn’t possible. On Saturday I was taken out for lunch by my bosses with one of our agents from Sweden – it was a buffet restaurant so I took a deep breath and loaded up on salads and chicken – it was tasty and satisfying and I didn’t leave with this horrid feeling of regret after stuffing my face with food I didn’t need. This is doable – I just have to do it!

I am back in the deadlift arena!! Had another epic session tonight and Jake and I thought we would see how I went with some very low weight and just moved up from there. They felt AMAZING. Tight, strong and no pain (in my back that is – there was pain everywhere else) I’ve really missed them! We got up to about 70kgs and just did sets of 8-10 reps. They felt good… We followed this with some pull ups – now, these really aren’t my favourite thing to do. They never have been. I try and I try – but they just never get easier. I’m hoping that as I get lighter they will (as there will be less of my ass to pull up) but we will see. As I did with my deadlifts when I first started – just have to push on through.

My wonderful nutritionist has been sending me some amazing recipes, and I am really really really getting into my cooking. For anyone that knows me – the furthest my cooking skills ever went was boiling an egg (although I struggled with that at 5am this morning), BUT last night I cooked myself absolutely delicious Kumara and Pumpkin fritters (with only a little bit of help from my chef boyfriend) and they were yummmmmmmmmmy. The fact that they are actually tasting good is making me more and more excited about cooking more things… I really should start taking photos of my skills (I know my mother would need a photo to actually believe I cooked anything)

I am also feeling quite blessed about the messages people are sending me – you all know who you are, but your support and love is so very much appreciated.

A lot of people have been asking me about my motivation, how I get it and where I seem to find it. So here are my thoughts…

I believe you create your own motivation – only YOU know what gets you going and what gets you excited. You need to find these things, and DO THEM.

I like treats – whether it be getting my nails done, a new pair of shoes, getting a massage or my hair done…I like to treat myself. So this week I made myself a motivation tip jar. The rules are simple – every time I have a good workout, or stick to my meal plan, reach a new PB or just feel happy with my results – I put a gold coin in the jar. When I’ve reached my first goal weight…I get to treat myself, with whatever I want (obviously this won’t be food related as I’m really trying not to reward myself with food) and I know I will have EARNED it.

I’m also a visual person – so I’m creating myself a motivation vision board. Bright, colourful, my goals are written loud and proud and I can see them every day. I have photos of things that make me happy, power words and where I want to be.

Self praise – I give myself a high five all the time. YOU KNOW when you’ve done a good job, so congratulate yourself!! Look yourself in the mirror and say “YOU DID AWESOME!” Say it until you actually believe it. This also ties in well with my post about Loving Yourself – if you haven’t read it, do. Loving yourself will give you all the motivation you need.

Keep track of your achievements. Photos, keep a diary, track your progress and your own PBs, once you see what you’ve done, you’ll want to do more.

Find your own cheer squad – people you trust who will help you when you’re feeling down. I am SO blessed to have the people I have around me through this journey. My trainers especially, and my boyfriend and family and friends – all who give me a wee sparkle of motivation when it’s needed.

Just do it. Sometimes it’s just this simple. A trick that I learned was that you give yourself 15mins. If after 15mins you really really don’t want to exercise, stop. Your body obviously needs the rest. But most of the time the endorphins will kick in and you’ll want to keep going and going.

Thursday I had my first session back with Jake and we blasted my arms. I hit a new PB in my bench press of 45kgs which has made my freaking day. We set our first goal for the year – bench press of 60kgs. MASSIVE! But I’m so excited about the process of getting there.

We followed this with some shoulder press and then some skull crushers, followed by some press-ups until I couldn’t press-up any more. I’ve left the gym on such a buzz – I’ve missed this feeling so much!!

I also dropped 2kgs last week. It seems I’m finally doing something right, and my body is thanking me for it. All the deep breathing, vegetables and lack of processed foods is doing my body a good thing – so I’m going to stick with it!

I always find weekends the hardest. I’m at home, out of my routine, and I seem to find a need to snack so much more than ever. I really stepped it up this weekend. I followed my healthy lifestyle eating plan (thanks again to Mia at verde-health), Sunday morning my boyfriend and I went down on the beautiful Werri Beach to do some beach sprints, so I’m feeling pretty chuffed and energised this morning.

Anyways, today I wanted to share my thoughts on the importance of reaching out for help – especially when you’re on a weight loss mission.

From what I know, most people find making that first step into a healthy lifestyle hard – and even a little bit embarrassing (I know I did), it’s kind of like admitting that you’re doing things wrong. Suddenly going from eating burgers for lunch to a salad wrap is going to draw some attention…but I think it’s about time this embarrassment and secret keeping stopped. Deciding to be healthy is a good thing, and people should be shouting it from the rooftops.

I’ve been in and out of “healthy lifestyles” for years, each time getting a little bit more enthusiastic, until I reached the point I’m out now where I’m making sure every damn person knows about what I’m doing (including all of you). Here are my reasons why.

Accountability – suddenly you have people asking how it’s going, wanting to join in, getting inspired by you to start their own healthy lifestyle mission, giving you praise and encouragement…and suddenly there is an accountability to keep it going.

Support – I have never had so much support in my life than right now. The café girls next to my work are helping me, my workmates are getting in there, my friends, family, trainers, girls I went to high school with, and even people I don’t even know are sending me wishes of support. That in itself keeps me going.

Ideas – There are SO MANY WAYS to go about losing weight, some good, some not so good. But by sharing your adventure you get enlightened into everyone else’s story and how they won (or failed) at their own battle.

Because you shouldn’t be embarrassed – this is a GOOD THING! It’s the BEST THING I’ve ever done for myself, and I’m excited now, because everyone else is excited for me! This excitement is powering me along every day! No one should be embarrassed about making goals to make their life happier and healthier!

So last night I took the wrong train home and ended up an hour outside of Sydney…in the wrong direction. I don’t know how I managed to go an hour without realising, I don’t even know how I ended up on the wrong train! I was pretty panicked when I realised and automatically I could feel my body going “EAT! YOU NEED TO EAT NOW!”

Before – I would have listened to my body and eaten everything I could see. But I now know, after reading Dr Libby, that this is my body going into survival mode – adrenaline is pumping and thanks to our caveman ancestors thinks that I’m running out of food and I’m going to starve – when actually all I’ve done is a REALLY stupid mistake.

I called my boyfriend in tears and he REALLY calmed me down. I did some deep breaths and we focused on working out what on earth we were going to do. We decided that I would get on the next train back to Sydney, and he would start driving towards Sydney (we live 2.5hrs south of Sydney, I was and hour north) and then I would catch the train towards where we live and we would meet half way. DRAMA!

Luckerly I had my dinner with me (due to my new healthy eating plan) so I slowly ate that and tried to work out how this had happened. I still haven’t answered this – I think it will remain one of life’s great mysteries.

Anyways, when I finally got to where I was meeting my boyfriend, I stepped off the train and there it was…chocolate.
My brain went crazy – so I slowed down and asked myself some very important questions.
Will this nourish me? – YES
Will this make me happy? – YES
Will I feel better after eating it? – YES

So I bought it. And I enjoyed and loved every small bite. And man I felt good afterwards.

Monday was the first day of my new healthy eating plan. Thanks to the amazing Amelia at verde-health.com – you can read her blog here – I was feeling organised and excited! I had been grocery shopping on Sunday and bought pretty much everything I need for the week, and had then come home and cooked up a storm – I LOVED IT! I normally don’t really enjoy cooking, but I turned up the tunes, took my time and really really took care in what I was doing.

The first day went well – Breakfast: YUM! (chia seeds, almond milk, ground LSA – linseeds, sunflower seeds and almonds mixed with blueberries and apples)
Lunch: double YUM! (Rocket, kumara, tomatoes, avocado, cucumber and red pepper with some chicken drumsticks)
Dinner: woah baby YUMMM (Kale and egg muffins – with some sneaky sundried tomatoes and basil dropped in. Don’t knock them till you try) AMAZING. I snacked on carrot sticks with hummus and overall I was satisfied and feeling good.

It wasn’t a walk in the park though. I’m breaking years of bad habits at the moment and it’s HARD! I just need to keep reminding myself WHY I’m doing this and hopefully it’ll get easier.

Coffee – Whether it’s habit, or I’m addicted… I LOVE my morning coffee. I only have one a day and it really makes me happy. That was until I read Dr Libby’s book, and learned what it does to my cortisol levels and how that affects my body so I was going to try my hardest to give this up. I tried having a herbal tea instead, to see if it was just the hot drink I was craving.

Nope. It’s most definitely coffee. Tasty tasty coffee.

Amelia has suggested I do day on/day off with coffee and slowly stretch that out till I don’t need one at all…will see how that goes.

Sugar – I’m craving sugar. Or a “treat”. I think this is pointing towards me rewarding myself with food. I’m not hungry, I just want something more. Back once more to the emotional eating. It’s something I’m really struggling with, as I seem to find every excuse as to why I deserve that chocolate bar, or bag of candy. I don’t deserve it, I don’t need it, it’s completely unnecessary. I’m going to make myself a tip jar, so that when I’ve had a good eating day, or a good workout or I’ve reached a new PB with my lifting I’ll put a gold coin in the jar. Then I can reward myself monthly with a massage or something. Just need to find a new way to reward myself that isn’t with sugary goodness.

Organisation – It’s HARD being organised. I get home late and then I need to get everything ready for the next day. Fill up containers with salad, workout what is for breakfast, lunch and dinner – getting stuff precooked on sunday definitely helped, and this is something I will DEFINITELY keep doing.

I have a wedding (not mine unfortunately) in 6 weeks – so that’s given me a goal to work towards.

Today I had lunch with Mark from Top Health PT (my old trainer) and although Mark doesn’t train me anymore, he is still one of my biggest sources of motivation and making sure I’m Making It Happen. It was so good just to sit down and chat out my plan, and keep my motivation high while I’m out of training.

I read this yesterday – and it definitely sums up how I’m feeling right now

Do your absolute best to shift your thinking to see life as an adventure, a journey and a gift, full of opportunity, a process through which we can contribute.

This is an adventure…and I’m so glad I get to share it with all of you