The Agony Aunt, Wife & Counsellor

He Won’t Wear Protection

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 months and despite my love for him I’m worried about us. I’m a Christian and believe in no sex before marriage, however we’ve found ourselves not keeping this principle. From the beginning I’ve told him what I wanted and even suggested he go to the Clinic, but he always makes excuses. He also doesn’t like wearing protection and I don’t feel listened to.

Dear Anon,

We all need to be accountable for our own actions and take responsibility for what we do or don’t do. You need to work on your self confidence and self esteem, because no one should make/force you to do things you do not want to do. Yet your desires not being respected is a red flag. What stands out to me is that you have certain beliefs and morals around sex, which I presume you wanted to uphold and unfortunately, for whatever reason they were compromised. I understand that “things can happen” in the heat of a moment, yet, we do not have to allow such mistakes to become our new principle. You really put yourself at risk of STIs, HIV & Pregnancy (to name a few).

What doesn’t help is that your boyfriend doesn’t seem to value your views nor does he sound like he is upholding your wishes. If this is something that is important to you, you need to stand up for yourself. Making a suggestion that he gets tested, only to have him regularly give excuses, is unacceptable.

In the June 2015 Heath Protection Report, it states that:

In 2014, there were approximately 440,000 diagnoses of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) made in England

The impact of STIs remains greatest in young heterosexuals under the age of 25 years

When two adults consent to enter a relationship, they really need to take the appropriate time out to learn about each other. Not just the usual likes & dislikes, but your faith beliefs, morals, family background, goals, views on male/female roles etc.

I suggest talking to him about how you feel, and how having sex before marriage, let alone unprotected is not something you want. A healthy relationship needs Love, Respect, Honesty, Trust, Active Listening & Communication to say the least. Are you getting this?

If you believe that God designed sex for marriage (1 Corinthians 7 v 2 / Hebrews 13 v 4) and you both don’t agree on this, is it a deal breaker for you?

Ask yourself (& each other); Is this relationship honouring God? Are you both willing to abstain and put boundaries in place? Does he bring out the best in you? Is he willing to Love you in the right way? (1 Corinthians 13 4- 8) Are you honestly happy with how things are going?