Observations on human nature.
Thoughts on life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
Musings on daily frustrations, exasperations and joys. The intricacies and sheer pleasure of raising adopted children. Finding joy, finding peace and hoping to share the human experience from my own perspective.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

There comes a time even with family members, when you have to cut your losses and move on. It is a tragedy, and you go through a mourning process for the death of that relationship or relationships. But sometimes it is what must be done.

I have come to treasure loyalty above all, intelligence and just basic goodness, human decency and honesty. When it becomes apparant that there are those in your own family that lack these basics, it is painful. Worse yet, when they show a hatefulness that is so ugly, and a wanting to lash out with deliberately hurtful outright lies, half truths and twisted truths it is appalling at best.

When human beings work hard to control other people and exhibit bitterness born of so many things, they are unhealthy souls. When they lead lives filled with judgement for others, racism, focus on trivialities, and thrive on drama and the need to be the center of attention at all times, that ugliness oozes onto those around them. When these people happen to be your own family, it is hard to accept what they are. You make every attempt to look away, make excuses and find the good in them. Sometimes, that simply isn't good enough.

There are things that have been said and done that I wouldn't say or do to my worst enemy. I cry for their souls. I mourn the loss of the family that once was. But I don't mourn the loss of these damaged people from my life. It was Buddha that said when a simpleton abuses you, return the abuse like an unwanted gift. So I will not and cannot take upon myself the ugliness that exists inside them. They and they alone will have to own that.

I wish them peace and happiness. And I wish them never to darken my doorway again. I too, am entitled to peace and happiness and a life free of unecessary drama. These are harsh realities to accept. But I have to accept that I cannot change what exists inside of them. And so I have to put myself and my children first. We deserve better.

It is with no regrets that I move on, and leave these people behind. Family is what you make it. I choose to make mine with kind, intelligent, honest people who have mine and my children's best interests at heart. And in return, they will get the same. That is what makes family, not blood relationships, but the people who stand beside you fiercely and unwaveringly. I am so grateful for those people in my life. And I am equally grateful for the strength I have been given to walk away from that which is poisonous and towards beauty, truth, and peace.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Though wise men at their end know dark is right, Because their words had forked no lightning they Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight, And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way, Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height, Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray. Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Pretty women wonder where my secret liesI'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's sizeBut when I start to tell them They think I'm telling lies. I say, It's in the reach of my arms The span of my hips, The stride of my step, The curl of my lips. I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me.

I walk into a room Just as cool as you please, And to a man, The fellows stand or Fall down on their knees. Then they swarm around me, A hive of honey bees. I say, It's the fire in my eyes And the flash of my teeth, The swing of my waist, And the joy in my feet. I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me.

Men themselves have wondered What they see in me. They try so much But they can't touch My inner mystery. When I try to show them, They say they still can't see. I say It's in the arch of my back, The sun of my smile, The ride of my breasts, The grace of my style. I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me.

Now you understand Just why my head's not bowed. I don't shout or jump about Or have to talk real loud. When you see me passing It ought to make you proud. I say, It's in the click of my heels, The bend of my hair, The palm of my hand, The need of my care, 'Cause I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me.

About Me

I am 48 years old and the mother of two wonderful children. I study and attempt to practice Tibetan Buddhism. I spent my youth satisfying a raging case of wanderlust, traveling, living and working as a volunteer on the Navajo reservation in Arizona, and raising a mountain lion while working for an animal trainer in Florida. I enjoyed many other incarnations before my need to experience everything was quenched enough to allow me to settle down and raise a family. I find myself alternately thrilled with life and appalled by the things I see and experience. I wanted a place to air my thoughts,to give them life, give them breath, and to set them free. In the process... freeing myself.
******The mind is a powerful thing, what you think, you become. -Buddha-