hmm. so many things have changed. and nothing at all has changed. pretty uninspiring, eh?? i've been having very bad panic attacks. i've had them before, but nothing; NOTHING like these. i ended up in the ER 3 times last week alone, my doctor and my other doctor (i have many doctors; but not as many as when i needed... er... more pain... Read More

it was raining last night. that helps me sleep. i swear klonopin is a placebo.
yeah, sometimes i have insomnia. i used to take xanax for it. haha. can't do THAT anymore. so i guess i'll just do without sleep. sometimes.
that's one of the oldest forms of torture; you know. sleep deprivation.
*sighh* if it weren't for this sick obsession... Read More

oh my god. oh my god.
Elsie, where ever you are now, i am not crying for you. i know that you are no longer in pain, and that you are finally whole and healthy and well. i know this because i have to. i have to because otherwise i will go insane.
i hung out with you ONE time. and that was all it... Read More

HM. i figured out how to sell on ebay (i am a notorious packrat) and i posted 10-11 things that i thought would really go quick.
???
okay, yeah, i am a novice at ebay. i have bought stuff; but i've never SOLD. i am, truth be told, kind of terrified of being ripped off somehow and the things i am selling are really nice... Read More

QUEUE ME!!!! PLEASE!!!
the Dirty Show was fun. i got to meet Annisa and Suri and Eric Kroll. i also managed to dance in a cage on the last day of the show without falling out or gouging out my eye or anything! for a klutz who pretends to be graceful; this is no mean feat.
i got to see Vivid on one of the... Read More

BOOM BOOM BOOM
argh. fuck you snow!! FUCK YOOOOU!!! yesterday i fell down the porch steps again. is it MY FAULT nobody salted them?? no. is it MY FAULT i live in michigan?? well, sorta. IS IT MY FAULT, I ASK YOU; THAT I NEEDED A COFFEEEEE TO START MY DAY?? MY MISERABLE, ROTTEN DAY??? NO.
but STILL, for my pains, i get more pains... Read More

what can i say?
i took a risk. i took a chance.
what can i say in my defense?
that ten years ago we had a relationship.
we were together for four years. we had something.
but time has a way of distorting things
and sometimes you only remember what you want to remember.
what can i say?
that i emailed him over a year... Read More