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Why I Don't Hug Girls

I don’t hug girls outside my own family, and some find this policy of mine strange and unfeeling. Or, people may go even further and say that I’m over reacting or being legalistic. I personally would argue that it is actually more caring for a guy not to hug a girl than to hug her, and there is nothing over-reactionary or legalistic about it. I’ll explain why.

Disrespectful:With the rise of Feminism, the way women are treated by men has greatly deteriorated. Women were once placed on a pedestal—to be protected and sacrificed for. Feminists like to lament those dark days of male oppression, when women were placed at the feet of men, unable to do anything but agonize at home like Emily Dickinson. This is a myth. For the majority of history, women were actually given more importance than they are today, at least in the extreme instances.

The call has always been for women and children first. If a building is burning down, you save the women and children first. It was always understood that men would sacrifice themselves for women and children.In the days of the Great Depression, you had the phenomenon of the wandering hobos, who would travel the country looking for work in exchange for a meal. Hobos were penniless, and at the bottom of society, and yet, they were gentlemen, and they respected others, especially women. Women could feel safe around them, even without their husbands present.In fact, hobos were so concerned with how they treated others, that they formed a code of conduct:

Decide your own life, don’t let another person run or rule you.

When in town, always respect the local law and officials, and try to be a gentleman at all times.

Don’t take advantage of someone who is in a vulnerable situation, locals or other hobos.

Always try to find work, even if temporary, and always seek out jobs nobody wants. By doing so you not only help a business along, but ensure employment should you return to that town again.

When no employment is available, make your own work by using your added talents at crafts.

Do not allow yourself to become a stupid drunk and set a bad example for locals’ treatment of other hobos.

When jungling in town, respect handouts, do not wear them out, another hobo will be coming along who will need them as bad, if not worse than you.

Always respect nature, do not leave garbage where you are jungling.

If in a community jungle, always pitch in and help.

Try to stay clean, and boil up wherever possible.

When traveling, ride your train respectfully, take no personal chances, cause no problems with the operating crew or host railroad, act like an extra crew member.

Do not cause problems in a train yard, another hobo will be coming along who will need passage through that yard.

Do not allow other hobos to molest children, expose all molesters to authorities, they are the worst garbage to infest any society.

Help all runaway children, and try to induce them to return home.

Help your fellow hobos whenever and wherever needed, you may need their help someday.

What do hobos have to do with why I don’t hug girls? My point is that women (and people in general) used to be treated with more respect than they are today. People didn’t go around touching each other, unless it was a good firm handshake.

Feminism has taken women off of the pedestal in society they once had. Today, women are now placed on the same plane as men, no longer deserving the respect of men simply because they are women. This is why it’s not seen as such big issue when there is physical touching between guys and girls. There was a time when that would have been seen as extremely disrespectful on the part of the man, and unladylike on the part of the woman.But just because this is the way things used to be doesn’t make it correct. I think it’s correct for other reasons. What does it mean when you can touch something? It means you have access to it, that you have a right to it. Things you are not allowed to touch, you don’t have access to, and you don’t have a right to. Either it doesn’t belong to you, or your touch wouldn’t be good for it, like an ancient artifact for instance.I don’t think I should have a right or access to girls and women. They don’t belong to me. My touching them would be showing them disrespect.

Now, some people will say this doesn’t apply if the girl gives me permission to hug her. I disagree. Permission, or desire, or “feeling the need” does not change the fact that for me to compromise an d act in a manner that, for me, communicates lovelessness, would be wrong. I would still be disrespecting her, only now, she is making it easier for me to disrespect her, and if she is doing so knowingly; if she is initiating physical contact despite knowing that I believe it would be wrong, then that, I think, would be unladylike on her part, and would in no way leave me free of responsibility.

The actions of others does not allow me to shirk my responsibility. I may not use the willingness of others as an excuse. The true gentleman will seek to protect others, both their physical bodies and their dignity even, and perhaps especially, when their habits or desires are at odds with their well-being.

Touch Is Powerful:I come from a public school background, where touch is normal and everywhere. Sure, it was common to see the dating boyfriends and girlfriends kiss and hug each other in the halls, but there was also a lot of playful (and not so playful) touching between those who were not dating each other. Girls would jump on guy’s backs and guys would sneak up behind girls and wrap them in a hug.This may all seem innocent and harmless to many, but human touch is very powerful. Touch can stir up inappropriate emotions and feelings. A guy hugging a girl while she is in a time of emotional distress is especially dangerous, as her emotional discombobulation could cause her to emotionally latch onto the guy. One hug probably won’t be enough, but if you hug once, what is wrong with doing it again, and again? Pretty soon, it’s possible that the girl—and maybe even the guy—could develop romantic feelings for each other, and they would be the result of mere emotions.

Once feelings are formed, the slope becomes much more slippery, and there is no telling what could happen if things continue on their projection, which brings me to my third point.Avoiding Immorality:People will claim there are different kinds of hugs, and they all mean a different things. Maybe I’m just being a simpleton, but that sounds pretty ridiculous to me. A hug is a hug, you’re touching the other person’s body with your body. While I don’t think you’re automatically sinning if you hug someone of the opposite gender, the risk level goes up the more you do it.Touch stirs up feelings, and these feelings may or may not lead you to sin. But the more you’re touching, the more difficult it’s going to become.It might be a good idea to stop and consider why guys will hug girls but they think it’s “weird” or “awkward” to hug other guys.Now, I’m not saying it’s wrong to hug, or that you automatically have bad intentions if you do hug—I’m not saying that at all. But hugging the opposite gender does put you more at risk for immorality. That’s all I’m saying.Another Point To Consider:The Bible says that it is good for a man not to touch a woman (1 Corinthians 7:1), and in the next verse it says that each man is to have his own wife, and each woman her own husband (1 Corinthians 7:2).Personally, I don’t want my wife hugging other men. I doubt she would want me hugging other women. We are to be faithful to our spouses, and I think that includes the years before we are married (Proverbs 31:12). I’m not going to hug girls because they’re not my wife or part of my family.One final reason why I don’t hug girls:I don’t want to. It’s just awkward and it feels wrong to me. I don’t need to be hugged by girls, and I’ve never been in a situation where a girl “really needs a hug.” “Goodbye hugs” are the typical situations I find myself in where I have to awkwardly offer to shake the girl’s hand before she can try to hug me. I don’t need a goodbye hug, and these girls don’t need a goodbye hug from me either. That’s just making things a bigger deal than they need to be anyway.

I don’t have a problem with girls hugging each other, that’s fine. I understand that females are more in need of touch, but they don’t need to be touched by me, or other male friends for that matter.These are my reasons for not touching girls. If you hug your friends of the opposite gender, I hope maybe you will give your hugging habits a second thought. I’m not going to say you are absolutely in the wrong if you do hug members of the opposite gender…but I don’t think it’s a good idea. Hugs are just awkward anyway.

“Maybe one day the human race will have a big flash of inspiration and come with a more civilized way of greeting each other.”

18 comments

I appreciate your insight on this. I am a hugger, and also deeply in love with my husband. I hug men at church that I feel like are a part of my family. Out of respect for my husband, I've made sure he was OK with it. He knows my intentions.I agree that touch is powerful. I also know that there are some people God puts in my path that are not touched by another human being. A simple hug communicates God's love to them and can heal wounds. I don't linger in the hug…a second or two. I also tend to side-hug most men to avoid any uneasiness. I've also made sure that the wives of the men I hug regularly are not offended. They aren't.If the Holy Spirit leads me to hug someone, I trust it. If He warns me against it, I avoid it. He is where I keep my eyes focused at all times.I think it's great the the Holy Spirit has put this on your heart and you're heeding it. We just have to remember that He leads us all according to how He has designed us and what His intentions are for our lives. It won't be the same for everyone and that doesn't make it sinful.God bless!

I appreciate your insight on this. I am a hugger, and also deeply in love with my husband. I hug men at church that I feel like are a part of my family. Out of respect for my husband, I've made sure he was OK with it. He knows my intentions.I agree that touch is powerful. I also know that there are some people God puts in my path that are not touched by another human being. A simple hug communicates God's love to them and can heal wounds. I don't linger in the hug…a second or two. I also tend to side-hug most men to avoid any uneasiness. I've also made sure that the wives of the men I hug regularly are not offended. They aren't.If the Holy Spirit leads me to hug someone, I trust it. If He warns me against it, I avoid it. He is where I keep my eyes focused at all times.I think it's great the the Holy Spirit has put this on your heart and you're heeding it. We just have to remember that He leads us all according to how He has designed us and what His intentions are for our lives. It won't be the same for everyone and that doesn't make it sinful.God bless!

I am also a hugger. And there is a difference between hugging and touching. Growing up in church women would hug me all the time. More so my mom would get upset with me if I did not hug them. It was never awkward touching it was just a hug. Like anything else go to the Bible on this one there is a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing. It tells us time not gender. Times of sadness for example would be the right time.

I am also a hugger. And there is a difference between hugging and touching. Growing up in church women would hug me all the time. More so my mom would get upset with me if I did not hug them. It was never awkward touching it was just a hug. Like anything else go to the Bible on this one there is a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing. It tells us time not gender. Times of sadness for example would be the right time.

I love that you've shared your point of view. And I think you've touched (pardon the pun) on a good point… GUYS, don't INITIATE hugging girls. I am a female and I love me some hugs! But I hate it when a man goes in for one when it has not been offered… is that hypocritical? For me, it's an offering of my nurturing character (one that I've also cleared by my husband) which I would not want to suffocate. My husband on the other hand, does not feel such need to hug other women, so he doesn't. And handshake suits him well, and in the case when he feels a female needs a hug, he sends me to see how I can help! And visa versa, you won't find me hugging any male other than my family unless we're in public.

I love that you've shared your point of view. And I think you've touched (pardon the pun) on a good point… GUYS, don't INITIATE hugging girls. I am a female and I love me some hugs! But I hate it when a man goes in for one when it has not been offered… is that hypocritical? For me, it's an offering of my nurturing character (one that I've also cleared by my husband) which I would not want to suffocate. My husband on the other hand, does not feel such need to hug other women, so he doesn't. And handshake suits him well, and in the case when he feels a female needs a hug, he sends me to see how I can help! And visa versa, you won't find me hugging any male other than my family unless we're in public.

While I agree on not initiating the hug because we may not know how the woman feels about it. The writer is taking it to the other extreme. He said that he pulled back and gave women hand shakes when they try to hug him. That must have made them feel like garbage. He should at least give a bro type hug with the 2 or the pats then fast release if anything.

Unfortunately, I'm rather disturbed by this post… The scriptures are misused/taken out of context; major parts of history are blatently ignored to think that women have historically been treated wonderfully; innocent physical touch has been criminalized…something as good and healthy as hugging has been painted as 'dangerous'.

The reasoning you use about 'owning' what you touch…so, does that apply if you hug another male? The reasoning simply doesn't carry through.

I think we need to be VERY careful about taking something we might personally be uncomfortable with and making it about right vs. wrong, and holy vs. sinful.

Unfortunately, I'm rather disturbed by this post… The scriptures are misused/taken out of context; major parts of history are blatently ignored to think that women have historically been treated wonderfully; innocent physical touch has been criminalized…something as good and healthy as hugging has been painted as 'dangerous'.

The reasoning you use about 'owning' what you touch…so, does that apply if you hug another male? The reasoning simply doesn't carry through.

I think we need to be VERY careful about taking something we might personally be uncomfortable with and making it about right vs. wrong, and holy vs. sinful.

When the scripture says it is not good for a man to touch a woman it was not speaking about touches such as hugs or handshakes. It was referring to sexual stimulation.

Furthermore, your point about feminism and views towards the treatment of woman is out of context. Yes women and children were given first priority in rescue searches or common courtsey. However, the main reason why feminism came about was because of fundamental rights. For example, the right to vote, the right to equal pay as men, the right to won property and not be treated as the property of her husband, the right to work outside the home etc.

It is all well if you do not want to hug women apart from family members but do not make it a good vs bad or an immoral vs moral issue.

When the scripture says it is not good for a man to touch a woman it was not speaking about touches such as hugs or handshakes. It was referring to sexual stimulation.

Furthermore, your point about feminism and views towards the treatment of woman is out of context. Yes women and children were given first priority in rescue searches or common courtsey. However, the main reason why feminism came about was because of fundamental rights. For example, the right to vote, the right to equal pay as men, the right to won property and not be treated as the property of her husband, the right to work outside the home etc.

It is all well if you do not want to hug women apart from family members but do not make it a good vs bad or an immoral vs moral issue.

Inappropriate hugs amongst teenagers is a problem, but do not forget that touch can heal and comfort and should not be reserved for just family members. There is a time and place for everything and than God that there were men and women hugging each other in Boston.Unfortunately in this piece you come of no better than the Muslim Clerics who criticized the Iranian president for hugging Chaves's Mother at his funeral.Extreme views are dangerous and are often used to elevate ones self above others.Be humble my friend and seek a relationship with God,with him we have love and respect for others and sometimes give them a hug when they are in need. A true Christian tells what God had done for them and not what they have done for God.

We have sunken as a society believing any touch is a sexual touch…. including hugging. Scripture always speaks of sexual lusts and desires. Hugging is not a sexual desire because (assuming that both parties are in clothing) they are not interested in sex (assuming they are not married or enganged). However, if the woman feels uncomfortable about the hug men should respect her space and not hug her. The new international version reads (1 Corthians 7: 1-2) Now for the matters you wrote about: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." But since sexual immortality is occurring, each man should should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each husband with her own husband. I find it even funnier that you think that section of scripture even refers to hugging because according to New International version title that section as Concerning Married Life not hugging your best friend.Let me guess author tomorrow you will rant on how bad handshakes are? This was the very saddening to read and I am now questioning society.

I work with teen girls and the topic is a part of our regular sessions. Males hate to admit it, but young females generally do dislike and are often uncomfortabe with hugs from males who are not their little brothers, or from their boyfriends.

Fact is fact. We cannot dismiss what females want for their own bodies. This is part of the reason that feminism came about, from males trying to tell females what to feel, think, what to want, where to go, and want to say, what to do, and the list goes on.

I work with teen girls and the topic is a part of our regular sessions. Males hate to admit it, but young females generally do dislike and are often uncomfortabe with hugs from males who are not their little brothers, or from their boyfriends.

Fact is fact. We cannot dismiss what females want for their own bodies. This is part of the reason that feminism came about, from males trying to tell females what to feel, think, what to want, where to go, and want to say, what to do, and the list goes on.