Tuesday, May 28, 2013

My Mama

My beautiful, courageous, Spirit-filled mama, Mary Lynn, breathed her last breath Friday, May 17th at just before 9 in the morning. Her face aglow in sunlight. Her hand in mine. In most ways I have not left that place. That room were I spent so many days at her side. There are no words. I've written many down, only by hand. For weeks my family and I have been other versions of ourselves. Our strongest and our weakest versions. I just don't know yet what the difference is between strength or weakness. Or what the steps are to getting back to where I know I will eventually be again. I don't know. It is devastation. It has not been without Beauty. Not without Blessing. They abound in the bitterness, and I sleep each night centered on that radiance and pray for it to never leave me. Not leave my side.

Pray with me, that the Resplendence of this beautiful woman will stay at my side. It's all I want. We await her 13th grandchild any day.

We have received much, much, deep love in all forms from so many and it keeps us afloat. There is too much to say, and trust it will be said. It is part of myself, and I will become more generous as it suits my fragility. One day. And then another. And another.

oh, so many of us grieve her right alongside you. Even reading her blog made us love her and your whole family more. It will be beautiful to watch how she lives on in all of you who carry her immense talent and love for her family and her world.

I'm so very sorry for your loss, Anna. I lost my grandmother, who was like a second mother to me, just over a year ago. In reality, it was like we lost her much earlier than that due to her Alzheimer's disease, which I feel robbed us of her last few years. I truly believe that she is always by my side, just like your mother is by yours, and always will be, as will yours.

Sending you and your family, especially that sweet new baby girl of yours, lots of love, prayers, and my deepest sympathies.

I am so sorry for your loss. What a blessing to be with your mama in those finale moments on earth. Five years ago I held my fathers hand as he took his final breath, my sister almost due with his third grandchild. I miss him every day, and feel his presence every day as well. Life is such a strange and beautiful journey, isn't it? You are in my prayers. <3

I lost mine a yr ago exactly. I have been given the grace to not feel the sting but only temporary loss ! We do believe we will see eachother again..I hope you will also do the same !!! Its hard to imagine her not being at her blog or with your family Im so sad for you!! Receive my deepest sympathy for you and yours..Izzy

Such a life well lived. Such a daughter to have loved and be loved by. To see so many grandchildren, so well, and such fine examples of human beings. To be surrounded by love at her last. None could have passed more well.

You will carry her in your heart forever--she will always be with you, but you will miss talking to her. This is how I feel about my mom, who died 2 years ago. I am so sorry for your loss. Healing takes time.

I love those words that you shared with us describing your mama, "....beautiful, courageous, Spirit-filled mama.." Wouldn't we all love to hear those same words spoken over us.... I'm quite sure that your own children use very similar words when describing you Anna. I will certainly pray that the resplendence of your mama will stay right beside you and that the One Who holds her now will comfort you in the days ahead. Many blessings.

A nation of women who you have welcomed into your family and heart mourn with you tonight, Anna Maria. Upon reading of your dream, a month ago, I have been worried, with no news, and knew there was a problem in your life. I am so glad for you and for your Mamma, that at the end, you were able to hold her hand in your own. You lose your mother and soon will bring a daughter into this world. Please know that I pray for you and shed tears for you and send you sympathy and strength for all that is to come.

It becomes less painful as the years pass, but I still feel the miss so deeply. You'll see a lot of things that you forgot to ask or to do with her, but you will also see so much things that come from her, everywhere, everyday, in your actions or in the faces of your family, that are comforting... I wish all your family is together and show love to help each of you.

Anna, I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. I can only imagine how difficult this time is with her departure and the imminent arrival of your sweet baby. My thoughts and prayers are with you and all your loved ones. xoxoxo -E

She's beside you and she will never leave. She won't. Don't worry about that one. So sorry for you and your family. I join literally hundreds of people with prayers and hope for some peace in your heart.

How lucky your mama was to have you for a daughter. I was by my mom's side when she passed 9 years ago, and she gives me strength every day. It is never easy to lose a parent, but draw comfort by the fact she was surrounded by your love.

This brings tears to my eyes, as it did when I saw you post this on Instagram. I have been praying for you and your family so much... each picture of the view from her side a reminder to do so. May God bless you with strength and comfort during this time. xo

I am so sorry for your loss. I will pray that her radiance will remain with you forever, as you are hoping. I can only hope that everyone suffering the loss of a loved one can feel this blessing during these darkest hours (Sorry if all this sounded clumsy, I am not a native speaker). Lots of love to you, Anya

What a range of emotions you must be experiencing right now. As you await the birth of your baby, the beginning of life, only to endure the ending of another life. A life that gave you life. But knowing in your heart that she is more alive now than she has ever been must bring you some comfort. May the promise of the Father, that He never leaves us or forsakes us, bring you and your beautiful family comfort today and the many days ahead.

I am so sorry for your terrible loss. She was a wonderful mother. I will pray that she will remain vivid to you and your family. I'm so glad your baby is well...I've started several notes to you, knowing something was amiss and didn't know what to say. Linda

Christ is Risen,Anna Marie! May these words comfort you and your family during this time of grief. Your mama had a very blessed ending to her life- she was prepared spiritually and was surrounded by prayer and her beautiful family.And God has been so good to grant you a precious life, your baby girl to help you remember His mercy and love. May this little one be just as special and loving as her yia yia. May God continue to bless your entire family.

Oh, Anna Maria. I am so, so sorry to hear of your mother's passing. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to lose your precious mother. I am sending you love and light and support and prayers and friendship to help carry you through. And I am thinking of the perfect new life within you, and hoping that blessing can help too.

Blessings to you and your family. Your mother's spirit will never leave you nor be far from you - she is so clearly in all that you are, and in everything you create. It must be so so hard to have her gone in person, but your beautiful family and talents will keep her spirit close at hand.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. My grandfather passed right after my daughter was born. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him. There is some comfort that my youngest son acts just like him, even loving the same music he did, we like to think that some of his spirit is in him.

Dearest Anna, may your Mama's memory be a blessing that lasts throughout your life. Such amazing grace you have, as I am certain that your Mama also had. Much much love as you travel this journey of love, loss and new life.

Maybe you just need to feel and not speak or write. (Although you do express yourself beautifully even at this difficult time). I lost my father to cancer three weeks before my twins were born. Not the same as losing a mother at all, but ten years on those two events are strangely disconnected. As soon as the babies were born, my maternal instincts took over and I coped and enjoyed them. It has always been a huge comfort that although my father never met them, he did 'know' them and I hope you find that too. I am so very sorry for your loss, but wish you strength and joy for the arrival of your new baby.

Anna, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. I, too, lost my mother and I can tell you this: She will always be in your heart. You will always feel her presence. She will know your children through the love you have for her in your heart. I wish you strength and joy in your new baby's arrival.I still miss my mama and you will yours but know that she, like my mom, would never want to see you sad and she would give all her strength and peace to you. I am so glad you have your family and a new one coming to look forward too. Much love and prayers in my heart for you and your family. xo jan

I am really sorry Anna Maria. I remember when your mom started her blog and how supportive she's always been of you. The fact that you are such a good mother leads me to believe that she was your best teacher! You will be in our prayers for comfort. Sending a hug from PA. Love, B.

I am so sorry for your loss. My Mother passed away 11 years ago and she is still with me today when I need that extra support. I know you will have that from your Mom as well those bonds don't fade and the spirit stays. XO

I am devastated to hear of your loss. I was just looking at your blog yesterday to see if perhaps you had the baby since I had not seen any updates. I am so sorry that the news is so different. Bless you and your family.

Many years after my grandmother passed away, my mother told me about a healing moment she had right after my grandmother's passing. My mother was folding laundry feeling very distraught, and heard a voice say "do not worry, she is with you". My mother felt deep comfort and I hope you too will feel comfort from your mother's ever presence. Sending good thoughts to you and your family.

May you find comfort. Grief is a terrible thing at times, and at others a peaceful. But it is there and deserves our attention. Your little one will soon demand it too. I am so sorry to know you are going through both the joy and sorrow of life and death right now. I was there myself relatively recently and know the rockiness ahead. But there is joy and comfort. take care.

Anna,I am praying that God will engulf you all in his grace, and never let you go. God has blessed your Mama by taking her home. I know it hurts to breath, but do, God loves you. Sending love and healing prayers from Alabama.

I reread your 'Dream' post and saw it with different eyes now..and marvel at the messages that dreams can bring. Much love to you at this sad, sad time and I wish you peace and strength for the magical time when your baby is born x

Anna Maria...I am broken hearted for you at the loss of your precious mother. By your post, it is abundantly evident that your Mom's life MATTERED, and that is all that any of us dare hope for when our time on Earth has ended. She will always be in your heart and by your side...she will love you forever, as you do her...I am so sorry......

I am so sorry for your loss. My mother experienced the loss of her mother this past October. She was there holding her hand as she took her last breath. Just thinking about my mom and you and how it must feel to witness the end of your mothers life, I just can't stop crying. My mom said she wouldn't have it any other way, that she was grateful to spend those last moments with her to know that Grandma wasn't alone in her passing have her comfort. She's watching over your children and telling your little one on the way how lucky they are to have you for a mom. Hugs. Praying for you and your family during this time.

I've been praying for you since I realized what was going on.... and will continue to do so. Grief is a strange thing, and everyone goes through it uniquely. I can say from experience that it's doesn't necessarily get "better" per se, but it does get different. It does change.

Oh, lovely lady, I am so very very sorry to hear of your loss. I have been through that same experience - holding her hand as she leaves - and I know some of what you must be feeling.

Take some comfort, if you can, in knowing that that feeling of her presence seems to strengthen with time, not lessen. I am thinking about you and your family with love and sending strength for when you need it.

My deepest sympathy to you and your family, I just read the passing of your mom, I hope the fond memories will get you through the hard times. For a daughter losing a mother is not easy. Many blessing to you all.

So sorry for your loss..words aren't much comfort, though, I believe those we love will always live on in our hearts and in the joyful way we live our lives...you truly have a beautiful life filled with love, family,caring and blessings!Anna- may each day bring you comfort in knowing that the memory of your sweet Mother lives on, watching over you, your family and your little daughter to come.xx

I am so sorry...I know the pain and hurt you feel. My Mother passed 40 years ago when I was just 13 years old. The memories are what I hold on to. Her passing seemed so painful for so long but one day your heart will be filled with memories more clear then than today. God Bless you and yours. Pamie G.

Praying for strength and peace for you & your family. I know from my own experience that you will never forget all the good things about your mother, even the times during her sickness that you can keep close to your heart.The awful things will finally fade away and you can cling to all the wonderful memories that you all have of and with her. She is a beautiful woman and I can see the spirit in her eyes of love and kindness. Please take care of yourself as you wait the baby.Ruby Bundy

I have been reading your blog for quite some time but never commented before. Your post previous to this one, the one about your dream was prophetic...planting flowers by a grave, and a young spirited mare....your mother and your daughter who is waiting to arrive. Even the sapling-small but able to provide protection and given to you by your parents. Your mother is with you as evidence in all these things. When one sheds their body it frees the spirit not to go somewhere but to go everywhere. She is everywhere with you. God bless you.

Many prayers to you and your family. I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my grandmother when I was very young, but I can still remember little, wonderful things about her. She sewed, which is one of the reasons I love to sew. Another reason I love to sew is your beautiful fabrics. Thank you for inspiring me so much, your work is just stunning. Take care and God bless-Melissa

I have thought of you so much, prayed for your mama, you, you're family. And I'm just one of so many that only know you through here, but here is so much. And I know the beauty you create, beauty that sits in my home, things I love. You're a dear, special girl, with a dear, special mama. I do know that, and I just pray for you. The Lord bless your delivery, your heart, your family, your father, and just all things.

I'm so sorry for your loss Anna Maria. I'm going through the same as I lost my mother to cancer on December 1. You are right -- it is devastation and I am still trying to learn how to remember and cherish the memories and love of who she was (and is) to me and my family. I do feel so blessed though that I was with her at the end as she was with me at the beginning. Love and prayers to you and your family.

Anna Maria,My heart skipped when I read your news -- I know how much you loved you mama. She is with you always... what a beautiful woman. Peace to you my friend. Holding you close in thought, Marianne Richmond

I was so so sorry to hear of the passing of your beautiful Mother. May you and your family find peace and comfort in your wonderful memories of her. Know her spirit is within you and watching over you everyday! My thoughts and prayers are with you, and I'm anxiously awaiting your beautiful baby girl!

It was wonderful that your mother left this world surrounded by her loved ones. That is what we would wish for every person at the end of their life. You will see that valiant spirit in the lives of your children. My love and good wishes to you all.

My deepest sympathy to you and your family. I know what it is like. I lost my dear, dear mother in December; she lived with me. I still have not gotten over it. We did everything together so it is very lonely. My comfort is that she is with the Lord.

My own sweet mom died suddenly just seven months ago and right after the birth of her 13th grandchild. I understand your words completely and I am crying with you at this very moment. I will pray that you will feel the strong hands of God holding you in these difficult days.

My thoughts are with you and your children. Your mama is so close to you and the loss is so hard to bear. however, she will be with you always in all the little things you do and say and you will stop and remember why you do these things. I understand this deep deep sadness and loss and I know there will be many times you will want to be able to talk with her again. I wish for healing thoughts and loving memories for you and all your family. Your new babe will be a joy and will bring light and happiness to her brothers and sisters.

Sending you love Anna Maria...I lost my dear sweet Mama 13 years ago this August. I tell you this, you will never ever be without her. Sad to not be able to in the ways we once did, but so much of her is in you. Your new baby will be even more welcomed now...what a lovely family you have. xoxo Pam

Oh Anna-Maria, I knew something had gone wrong as you were not posting. I am so sorry for your loss. However, I am thankful to God that He is graning you that mellow place where grief becomes softer and your mom's memory is a blessing. May she rest in God's arms, and may she bless and protect you, your family and your new baby.Syllipitiria.

I am so very sorry to hear of your loss, and for the valley your family is walking through. The way you put it into words here was stunning and beautiful. It is a miracle, how our hearts can hold joy and sorrow simultaneously. So I think of you all as you await the birth of your child, and I pray for God's peace and His strength for you day by day.

You have such a poignant way with words Anna Maria. I'm thinking of you and praying for you, your Mom, your family and you little one in your tummy. I lost my Mom to unspeakable circumstances on April 22, 2012 and the only thing that gives me comfort is that I know she is in heaven and at peace. I have no doubt that your Mom, as mine, looks down upon us and is surrounding us with their love. Faith is tested for sure, but it is amazing the "wonders" that have happened since she left this earth. Look for those signs, because she is with you!

Oh Anna Maria, I'm so sorry for your loss. I really know your pain, I lost my dear father three years ago and it was such a devastating time. Like you I was pregnant with my daughter, I was sad she did not get to meet him or he to hold her. Anyway, just take each day as it comes. Much love dxx

Each day you celebrate your family, your husband and children, your craft, your art, you shall be living your mama's dream for you and thus, making her present in your life...Peace and comfort upon you as you take this journey....

So sorry for your loss. May you take comfort in knowing that she is with loved ones who have gone on before her, and that you will be with her again too. I truly believe that. May You and your family be comforted and relish in the birth of your newest miracle.

This is my first time here, came by a pinterest post. I just read about the loss of your mom. Im so sorry. Its been three years and I was just taken back to that last breath, as I was holding her hand, telling her how much I loved her. I wish I could tell you it gets better, some does it does and I can laugh and remember something we both enjoyed. The pain can come swiftly and sharp, when I'd pick up the phone to call her and tell her something funny, and realize her earth body isn't here anymore. So I'd go and walk our special place and tell her then. You never get over missing them, wanting one more day but I hope the love the two of you share keeps your radiance going forever. Loribelle

It's been exactly 8 years since I lost my dad while expecting my first child.. his first blood grandchild. While they never met on earth, I am convinced they share a bond in some unexplainable spiritual way. And I am convinced that "Grandpa Martin in Heaven" as we call him is watching over the two babies I never met and keeping them company until we are reunited in eternal salvation. May you feel the comfort of your mother as the guardian angel over you and *all* your children. My heart weeps for the pain you are feeling now, and prays for the bittersweet joy sure to come with the birth of your child. May you feel your mom's presence as you welcome new life. Sending prayers and hugs from Houston.

I, too, held my beloved mother's hand as she breathed her last on this earth, and my heart has ached ever since with the loss and with such deep gratitude for having had the privilege of being her daughter. Peace and grace to you.

Anna Maria, please accept my condolences to you and your family.Over the past year or so I'd been checking your mother's blog hoping for new posts, then I read your post a while back that the cancer had returned. She was included on my prayer list. I pray that your father, you, your sister and brother and the rest of your family will find comfort in the Lord.

So many warm and kind wishes and prayers are coming your way from all of us who only know you from this place. That loss of such an irreplaceable anchor is staggering. God's gracious and tender blessings to you and your family.

Prayers and blessing to you and your family at this sad time. So glad to hear you were able to be with her at her passing. I lost my Mom 9 years ago at this time and then one year to the day after her death we had another lovely grandgirl and a year and a day after her birth another wonderful grandgirl. This is my time of year to think fondly of my Mom and two great grandgirls she never got to meet here on earth. Again you are in our thoughts and prayers.

It's so terrible, but it's nice to not be the only one going through this. I am due soon with twins, the first grandchildren, and we are expecting my dad to pass sooner than later (unexpected and quickly from cancer). Unfortunately I am 20 hours away from Nashville, but I rejoice with you that you are there and could be so supportive!

Trust there is a heaven .Some of us were lucky enough to have mothers that we will miss forever. I am not sure how long it takes to process this loss but I hope you find comfort with your eagerly awaited daughter.

What a beautiful picture. She looks so much like you! I pray that you may continue to bask in her light! From your last entry telling of your dream it seems that some part of you already new that great changes were coming. Sending you and your family much strength and love. May God(ess) carry you through this dificult time.