2.09.2009

Everything is rolling along. It's so synchroneous and beautiful, there is really not a lot to say. But then again, why does it seem like my heart spills, overflows, when I am sad? Why not share the beauty too? I'm not sure why it works that way, but for me, it does. I live the good moments, and yearn for them when I'm not in them I suppose.

It's nice when you honestly realize that you have no control over anything, and that controlling only makes you utterly crazy in life, so why not just chill and enjoy? That's where I'm living lately. From the chill. I don't buy into all the negative hype about the economy or our future. I don't go there. What good does it do to perpetuate the bad stuff? No good at all. Instead, I smile at random people and let them in front of me when I drive. I talk to the people I come in contact with and share a genuine piece of myself. I give change to the buy ont he corner sometimes when I have it, but if I don't, I still smile at them with kindness. I honestly believe that if it comes from the heart, it's worth so much more than money.

SO much more.

Money is just a thing. A thing we use to exchange for stuff. Some stuff we don't even need. But love? Everyone can always use love. Love is all there is.

2.02.2009

i have no words for what is stirring inside of me in this moment. all i know is that something is about to be born.

i've been thinking about isabel and how her little life, so beautiful and bright; how the sorrow of losing her; how the time between has changed me. to be who i am right here. right now. how everything i have lived and been and loved and lost has formed the me that i see when i look in the mirror. the person i am embracing with all my heart and soul. i love me. i love my life, i love the slant of color the sun makes through the blinds in my window, i love the smell of bub and pea just in from jumping on a trampoline in chilly february air, i love the way my daughters look as they walk back onto the ferry to their grown-up lives in seattle, i love the middle beauty laying across my bed talking about nothing or not talking at all and just feeling ease between us. i love my man patting my bottom the way he always does, the way my lips fit perfectly in the crook of his warm neck, the way he pulls me into him when i come close. i love my life. it is so amazing. and i want more than anything to share that feeling with others. however i can. i will. i am.