I know, way too formulaic and without a shred of creativity, but brain being utilized now with research pertaining to environmental history; not much else left in there.

I will not presume to tell anyone how to vote. I will not presume to know the path best for this country. I will not presume that I could do a better, or more inclusive, job. BUT… I will say that the citizens of this country have not only rights but responsibilities. I will say that even when we want to hide under the bed until December and hope this was all a bad hallucination, we are RESPONSIBLE for maintaining our current government until such time as we see fit to COLLECTIVELY change the status quo. I will say that if you hate the candidates PERSONALLY so very much, perhaps try to separate​ them from their stance on the issues. Make a spreadsheet, circle those opinions which align with your​ own, tally up the circles, and vote for that candidate. FORGET party lines, personalities, crude remarks, questionable attire, smiles that seem too sincere, or not sincere enough. THINK about what is important to you and yours. THINK of what you hold most dear, and how to either maintain or improve upon it. THEN… if you STILL cannot find a way to get yourself​ to the voting booth, understand that opting out is not an answer, and it might be time for you to put your money where your mouth is. To advocate for change, run for office, support third-party candidates… the list goes on. But by all that is holy and for fuck’s sake, peeps, DO SOMETHING! Because sitting on the couch in your pajamas, eating cheese curls and flinging them at the television in disgust while whining is simply NOT going to create a nation anyone wants to inhabit. Love to everyone, and much respect. Please remember your voice this coming Tuesday, and take one second to be thankful that while we live somewhere imperfect and broken, we STILL have a chance to create a better tomorrow. Namaste!

Hmm. I have been rolling things around in my mind, tossing and turning them from ephemeral wisps to solid, mixed and risen, full formed thoughts, rising in the back of my head like fluffy Parker house rolls on the back of a wood stove.

I have noticed a tendency of me to avoid things here… but what and when is a mystery to all, including me. I can speak freely about sex, drugs, kid and ex problems, but do not like to tackle ethnicity or disparity too often. I hold back at the weirdest times, and for no apparent reason, given the shit that has come out of my keyboard in recent years.

So again, my mind is a mess, stress and love mixed in with Italian, kayaking, changing my hair style, and the possibility of dogs, a boat, and maybe even the “M” word, at some point. Kombucha, a new couch, braised baby bok choy with tree ears… I am in the sea of the swirly, twirly gumdrops for sure.

But one real thought, one hard and concrete thing keeps interrupting my Grey’s Anatomy time, I mean my STUDY TIME this morning. That is the presidential race in general, and the nominated candidates in particular. The sad-making aspect of this clown-car of a race is that we are making history again in the nominations of these two people. The first woman presidential candidate! WOW! =) And the first businessman, a non-political entity, SERIOUSLY? It could be an amazing time, this race that shows that Americans do indeed have the power to elect who they choose, which is NO SMALL THING, even in today’s world.

But I cannot feel happy about this. Because while a woman, a strong and capable women has been chosen to be the Democratic candidate, if she wins and our country continues down its present path, ALL women, as well as the Democratic party as a whole, will be dismissed in the future. And gods forbid the businessman wins, our country will be broken by the vitriol, misogynism, narrow-mindedness, and xenophobia that bubbles out of his mouth, to divide us further than ever before.

I fear for women, I fear for access to birth control, I fear for access to health care. I fear for anyone of any color other than white, and I fear for educational opportunities. I fear for those of us who do not have unlimited income, as we will be further marginalized, and I fear for what that will mean to a country in which the majority is indeed not wealthy.

BUT… I also have hope. I have an eternal belief, unshakeable and child-like, that hard times may come, but each of us can cast our pebble into the stream and change the direction of the waters. THIS is what makes our country great, the fact that we can STILL take matters into our own hands, and effect change as meaningful as our imaginations will allow. WE have power still, WE can make something we can be proud of. It may not be without a fight, but we can accomplish greatness, if only we DO.

So I will take a moment here to ask, beseech, implore you, ALL of you, to please exercise your RIGHT and RESPONSIBILITY to vote this November, and in your local elections. I cannot tell you who to vote for, but I can tell you that you have a voice, and not to use this gift is irresponsible. I do not know what tomorrow will bring, do not know how crazy things will get before they get better. But I do know if you allow your voice to be silenced, you are contributing to the further demise of what made our country great to begin with.

I know the candidates are fallible humans, with pros and cons each (presumably), and sometimes casting your vote is more of a “voting against one rather than for another” scenario. Regardless of where you stand on the issues, your party affiliation, and your perspective, it is time to step up. We are not in a time of tranquility and ease, as much as I would like it to be so. We are in a season of upheaval and change, and I just know in my heart of hearts that I can count on you all to stand up for what you believe, no matter what that may be.

I will leave you on that note, and hope in the days that come, you can stand alongside with me, feeling the possibility and hope for our collective futures, and know that you contributed to what we can together create. Namaste, peeps… =)

Why do YOU blog? Is it the connections, the friendly banter between strangers, or maybe the possibility of that stranger turning into a bona fide friend? Is it to share photos of your immaculate living room with designer entry rug and without a crumb in sight, making you feel superior to those of us with kayaks (still) in their living rooms? Is it to trade recipes, or ask for advice, or get song suggestions, or help with hair-coloring techniques? Perhaps a weird amalgam of all of the above, shaken, not stirred if you please…

I somehow lost 2 years here. No, seriously, I thought I started this blog 2 YEARS later than I did. Sigh. For those of you previously in doubt, I suppose this is proof that I am an idiot, once and for all. But at least I’m a reasonably cute and annoyingly happy idiot, so I can take a modicum of comfort in that. =)

Why am I still here? Is the story I have to tell so important, so unusual that to deprive you all of my antics would be to lessen your own life experience? Snort… hardly! I don’t usually post photos anymore, and I really can’t claim to have posted any recipes in a coon’s age. One does not need recipes for popcorn and the opening of a Kombucha, am I right? What do we have in common that might make you keep coming back? Well, most of us are in possession of a vajayjay, but there ARE men here as well, so that common denominator is not totally relevant.

WHY am I writing about the insignificant, and not really pouring myself out here, in the manner of Punky and Alice the Great? I have SO MUCH TO SAY, really, I don’t ever shut up. I LOVE to talk, ask questions, hear people’s perspectives on both what I have experienced, and all the stuff I have no personal experienced. Blah, blah, that’s Tish, always talking or singing, usually dancing, and never far from a bowl of home-popped heirloom corn, of the dentist-pleasing, near hull-less variety. But I am wondering this week how this translates to the page, or screen as it were. Am I am funny and playful and supportive and exhausting in my blog as I am in person? Why AM I blogging? And maybe more importantly, why are YOU here, reading this nonsense?

I would like to think that I am an acquired taste, more of the caviar variety than of Durian fruit… =) Today I finished up another paper in the marching-soldier trail of papers that is my Art History course. I enjoyed immensely this past week, as well focused on Greek Art, specifically Classical thru Hellenistic periods. OF COURSE, I managed to go off on a tangent and turn the forum into an Aristotle vs Plato vs Kant education and morality discussion, with no mention of sculpture any where in sight… GO TISH! I think I truly am a teacher at heart, but one in the Socratic sense, of trading information, leading questions that create rabbit holes in which we all become lost, to emerge days later, slightly stunned from the sunlight we forgot existed…

So, if I am here to teach, or rather instruct, or more specifically, to create dialog, why would I stay in this platform that does not encourage open discourse in real time? A close friend suggested vlog casting, but that’s TOTALLy not my bag, baby. I would have to put on pants… not that I’m not wearing any now, but I have the CHOICE to not wear them, kwim?

I have been pouring over Aggie’s space as of late, as well as the aforementioned Alice, and our friendly doctor in the white coat… and the more I see of what they do, the more I realize I am either not reaching my full potential, or I am yet again only partially committed. I think I am disinfecting myself so well here that all that’s left is the lingering scent of lemon from the Pledge, and a half-cup of tepid coffee. WHERE is Tish, WHO is Tish, and more importantly, WHY isn’t Tish transparent?

Maybe it’s because as this thing, this very real and permanent-feeling thing with Paul progresses, I get to wondering exactly when he is going to glance my way and wonder aloud why in the HELL he’s with me, smarten up, and scram. Maybe it is because letting someone in makes one feel a bit vulnerable, and maybe because if you saw my messy bits, you’d want to run for the hills, too. Maybe because even though I’m fairly grown up, I still want you all to like me. =) =)

SO… here’s the question of the day, and ages, peeps… Is there anything you WILL NOT blog about, for fear of being seen as a little too un-perfect for your audience? Not anything that is just plain rude, or way too personal to share comfortably, but just in general? I am asking to help me in my quest to re-ignite my bloggity fires, and to create an air of truth here. I guess my blog is all about me, but I want this to be more of a shared-space experience. Thoughts? Have a lovely, sweet ones… talk soon!

I joked the other day about WANTING, really wanting, like in wanting-to-infinity some fish and chips… should have made myself a little less vague…

Paul calls yesterday on his way to his sister’s place to help her move for a few hours so I could get some semblance of work done in his absence. No, I have not figured out how to write papers while he is here, looking all sexy and stuff. =)

So he asks me if I want a fish tank, says it’s free, good shape, has fish and filter, all that jazz. I mumbled my interest and assent, and hung up, desperate to finish my work while the thoughts were still coherent. The phone rings about an hour later, he asks if I am at a good stopping place, to which I assure him the affirmative. He asks me where he should put it, as he will b home in about 15 minutes. PUT WHAT? The fish tank, of course. Sigh.

I thought it was a more relative question, we talk about salt water tanks and sea stars often. I thought he meant this freshwater tank would reside at his place until we cohabited. I thought he meant some other time… to which he replied he can turn around, drop it at his place, and be back up here by 11pm. Sigh.

It really IS a nice tank, now that we got the new filter going. The fish seem happy, and curious, busily blowing sand in scattered piles while the other guy hangs upside down from algae covered rocks, his food source that I am not allowed to scrub off while boyfriend is at work. Like I would put my hands in a dirty fish tank, snort.

Photos forthcoming, have not had the time or energy to take snaps and transfer them to computer. In other news, early birthday gift of kayak and accoutrement happily broken in, day trip to Watch hill for fishing checked off our Summer To Do list, and museum visit to ooh over plaster reproductions of Greek sculpture accomplished. Final shot before another scope of knee, done. Surgery moved to back burner until further notice. Pounds lost, zero. Pounds of toys gained and now piled in living room, 217. Pairs of shoes not in closet because door blocked by his kayak, 5. Dead worms dropped from tackle box onto front stoop, 2. Not a frayed mess, however, because new neighbor smokes about a pound of medical grade a day on the adjoining back porch, so I just hobble into the kitchen and breathe deeply a few times a day. It’s all good, baby. =)

Why am I sitting here on the couch at 0625 on a Saturday morning, surrounded by art books, tissues, and the odd half-cup of chilly coffee? Got my darling man up for work and out the door for 0555, FINALLY on time, yay Tish! =) Kissed him goodbye and slowly made my way to the bedroom, threw back the covers and slid between the sheets, all the while some little thing niggling at the back of my head… OH! OITNB and GREY’S are BOTH available today! =) So out of bed I jumped, and am now happily immersed in the inanity.

And then I remembered I had news for you, well, not news exactly, but information. Ooh, this sounds covert… =)

It seriously makes perfect sense. With clarity, I FINALLY yesterday afternoon got exactly what is going on between the universe and my psyche as of late, and the realization literally made me stop walking and stand there for a moment, dumfounded. I want to take a second to thank the moron who was following me from so close behind that he smacked fully into me before he could stop himself. Thanks, always nice to have stranger-crotch mashed up against your ass in public. Only his horror of the situation made me not belt him with my lanyard of death. I do so love that keychain.

Anyhoo… oh yes, The universe. Me. Brain catching up. Yup, that’s where I was. So this is all about choice. I am happy when I feel like I have some say in what I am doing, like most people, I’d imagine. But when faced with too many possibilities, I want to just run away. To the nearest beach, stopping to grab only flip flops and bank card, and just let the surf carry me away. I have a LOT of choices to still make, about school, where we will live, what my Minor will be, grad school, trade car in for new lease or keep it, even what I am gonna feed my Paul for dinner. So now that I am mere days away from actual and non-refundable and totally untake-back-able school (i.e.- career) decision, I am in a panic. I THINK, think… think? that I will do what I have detailed on my transfer paperwork, but knowing there is still a bit of time for the lightbulb to go on and me to bellow AHA! and grasp that slippery little fucker of my dream job status, then I have options. I have felt for a year and a half now that I am close, getting closer, circling that THING that I want to become, that I can become, and that will satisfy my need to help but still afford the bimonthly Chinese take-away and good eye cream fetish I don’t want to give up… oh, and keeps me near Paul. I did not necessarily just rate my boyfriend behind eye cream, this list in in no particular order. Stop laughing.

So there you have it. This little thing this week was not about Paul, or commitment in love. It was about commitment in life, college, program, and life in general. It seems since I transferred from Active Duty to Veteran status, I have had a real problem with deciding what I want to be when I grow up. Besides an astronaut and a zamboni driver and a wombat keeper, of course. I really feel that I am on the cusp of figuring out EXACTLY what I was meant to do. I’m just a little nervous that I’m gonna miss the signals and end up missing my chance to be exceptional. And if I end up ordinary, you all will never hear the end of it.

I’m gonna watch the drama unfold between Red and Judy… that latter is eating all the green beans from the garden, that bitch! Have a lovely, peeps. =)

And just like that, my faith in humanity is restored. Sipping coffee, cursing Blackboard, I mosey over to my good browser, with front page set for Google. What do my eyes light upon but a tribute to… Fredrick Douglass ! They shoot, and THEY SCORE !! WOOT WOOT!!

With the absolute insanity of the caucuses, that meatball-headed Trump shouting so loud even I, with limited digital access, can hear, and it being a Monday, I had little hope of anything other than an absurd day. Thank you, Google, for reminding us that some things really do matter…

This one is nothing but a shout out, as I am buried under papers, projects, and my obsession with the first primary as well as the next 4 years of my future. I bid you adieu, peeps. Just wanted to say HIYA… catch you on the flip side. =)

Don't ever change yourself to impress someone, cause they should be impressed that you don't change to please others -- When you are going through something hard and wonder where God is, always remember that the teacher is always quiet during a test --- Unknown