Information for Partners

If your partner or friend is facing a decision about an unexpected pregnancy, you are probably worried about them. You may be thinking about how the decision could affect you. As your partner or friend considers parenthood, abortion, or adoption, you may be feeling scared, guilty, sad, shut out, or just plain confused. Even though you may be trying to be strong for your partner, your own feelings may be quite intense.

CHOICES has specifically designed this page with you in mind. We want to answer questions you might have and offer you some resources for dealing with this decision.

Frequently Asked Questions

You can find more FAQs on our web site here and at the resource page listed below. Of course, you can always feel free to contact us, and we’ll be glad to help you.

How does my partner decide which type of abortion to choose?
CHOICES offers two types of abortion procedures, the abortion pill and the vacuum aspiration. People have their choice of type of abortion before ten weeks. They can choose either the abortion pill or the vacuum type of procedure. All procedures after 10 weeks use the vacuum aspiration procedure.

Can I be with my partner during the procedure?
You are welcome to wait for your partner in the clinic’s waiting room. For the comfort of other patients and the safety of our staff, we only allow patients and staff beyond the front waiting room. There will be a trained patient advocate with your partner during the procedure to offer support through the process.

Will my partner be in a lot of pain during the abortion itself?
Most people do have cramps during the procedure, and sometimes they can get bad, but most abortions take only five minutes and the cramps do begin to go away shortly afterwards. We offer a a local anesthetic that numbs the cervix and 800mg of ibuprofen (e.g. Advil) or extra strength acetaminophen (e.g. Tylenol) before the procedure to help with cramping. We also offer optional sedation for an additional fee.

Afterwards, how will I know if my partner is OK or not?
We send each patient home with a list of instructions as well as how to get in touch with them should you have any questions or concerns. We also give each patient a 24/7 telephone number where they can reach a medical professional if they have concerns or complication. You can expect that they will feel quite well physically, but they may have cramps that are easily treated by ibuprofen.

How do we know what method of birth control is best?
Our medical staff works with each patient to determine which type of birth control will best meet their needs.

When can we resume having sex?
We recommend that your partner not put anything in their vagina, including a penis or tampon, for at least 14 days after an aspiration (surgical) procedure, and not until after their follow up appointment for a medication abortion. Also, using condoms may be necessary to prevent pregnancy until the chosen method of birth control is fully functioning, which could mean a bit more than two weeks.

How can I be of most help afterwards?
The first thing you can do to be helpful is to read the instruction sheet carefully as soon as you get home. Also, you can help by being sure your partner has ibuprofen, maxi pads, and a heating pad at home. Extras include a ThermaCare heat patch, DVD’s, and warm fluids. Your partner will feel reassured to know that you care. Also, your involvement in the selection and consistent use of an effective birth control method is one of the most helpful and supportive things you can do for your partner.

Resources

Men and Abortion
Men who accompany their partners for an abortion or who just want to be helpful usually do not know where to turn to get clear, unbiased information. In order to help to provide some of this information, we have divided questions that are frequently asked at abortion clinics into three categories: the factual, the emotional and the spiritual.

Exhale
Exhale is an after-abortion counseling and emotional support service that serves people who have had abortions and their partners. They respect the cultural, social, and religious beliefs of all callers.