Believe it or not, most fast food joints and quick service chains actually offer a lot more variety and ingenuity than their menus would suggest — they just hide it from you for some sad, sad, reason.

We just want our fast food to be as disgusting, er, as tasty as possible, so we’ve pulled together a list of secret menu items from all sorts of food chains, none of which are good for you, but which you might find mighty tasty. Check out our Secret Menu Items guide below to find out how you can change it up next time you’re ordering at McDonald’s, Starbucks and many other chains.

McDonald’s

Big McChicken

Ranker

The chicken patties replace the bun. Yes, you read that correctly: the chicken patties replace the bun. Next level grime.

Pie McFlurry

McDonald’s

If you buy a pie, just ask them to blend it into your McFlurry. Then dare them to make eye contact with you, because you obviously cannot be trifled with.

Neapolitan Milk Shake

Ranker

This is pretty much identical to the In-N-Out shake of the same name, but it’s layered rather than swirled, and the McDonald’s employees will probably hate you way more for ordering it.

Monster Mac

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This beast of a burger comes with eight patties stuffed in between two pieces of bread. The only catch is you have to watch footage of starving African children while you eat it. Not really, but come on, eight patties?

The Land, Sea and Air Burger

Ranker

Welcome to America, where we like to divide our time between eating sandwiches and sitting on the toilet regretting said sandwiches. This obscene concoction features beef, chicken AND a Filet-o-Fish, with bacon and onion slapped on there as well. God bless the U-S-of-A! Now can someone jumpstart our heart, please?

Subway

The Old Cut

ThinkStock/Subway

If your overstuffed $5 footlong is always leaking all over the place while you eat it, then this fun little Subway secret may help you out: instead of having them slice the bread, make them cut out a wedge the way they used to do. It makes your sandwich more compact and less messy, plus you might get to hear actual grumbling from the employees.

The Wing Effect

Thinkstock

Conversely, if you like meat flapping all around your sandwich while you eat it, then ask for the “Wing Effect” next time you’re at a Subway. As opposed to tucking it in, they’ll leave the meat hanging out the sides for your nibbling delight. For added pleasure, just set the sandwich on the table and try to eat it without using your hands, you animal.

The Pizza Sub

perry_marco, Flickr

Everyone loves a pizza sub. Subway’s secret pizza sub comes with tomato sauce, salami, pepperoni, cheese and all the other stuff you can put on a sandwich there. Subway, Y U NO TELL US ABOUT PIZZA SUB?!

Chipotle

Nachos

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Ask for nachos at the counter and they will actually make them. (Not like those jerks at the sewing machine repair shop.) In addition to melted cheese, you get the choice of adding beans, meat and/or salsa.

Single Taco

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For those of you who eat the entire burrito in like three minutes and then feel sick for the next day or so (certainly not *us*), just ask for a single taco and Chipotle will hook you up with one of the little guys to stuff with whatever you love (in terms of food, we mean. You can’t put your mom in a Chipotle taco, quit asking).

Quesadilla

Ranker

Yes, Chipotle makes quesadillas, and much like their other foods, they are delicious. You can order a child-size or a full-size portion depending on how hungry you are — the little one is made with taco-sized tortillas, whereas the big guy is one of their monster burrito shells folded in half. We recommend the child-size because Chipotle secretly thinks grownups have five-gallon buckets for stomachs.

Quesorito

Ask for one of these and you’ll get an extra crispy quesadilla that is cooked in a tortilla warmer wrapped around an actual burrito! Take that, heart!

In-N-Out

Neapolitan Shake

istolethetv, Flickr

Ah yes, here it is — the classier, swirlier version of a chocolate, vanilla and strawberry fast food milkshake.

Animal Style

yosoynuts, Flickr

If lenient social liberties in California sometimes drive you to extreme hunger,then you might want to try this. It’s a beef patty smothered in mustard and then topped with lettuce, tomato, pickle, extra spread and grilled onions. It’s the tastiest burger at the fast-food joint renowned for their secret menu items.

Animal Style Fries

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If the Animal Style burger is Batman, then these fries are Robin. Same preparation, but on top of fries instead, and doused with cheese, spread, grilled onions and pickles. Pro-Tip: Do *NOT* let them get cold, because you won’t believe you just put that in your body once it starts to congeal.

Protein Style

Neeta Lind, Flickr

Watching your weight? Well, if you are, you probably shouldn’t be eating at In-N-Out. But just in case you succumb to the craving, do right by yourself — order “protein style,” which replaces the hamburger buns with lettuce, so you can pretend like you aren’t eating a big giant burger.

Starbucks

Crunch Berry Frappuccino

yunskorea, Flickr

If you’re a fan of Crunch Berries cereal but hate all that mindless chewing, then you should probably get one of these. It’s a strawberry-and-cream frappuccino with hazelnut flavoring that tastes like children’s sugar cereal!

Three C’s

Starbucks

The trifecta of deliciousness: cinnamon dolce latte, caramel syrup and chocolate mocha syrup. It got its clever name after “Diabetes Cup” was rejected over and over again.

Short drink

Think again if you were under the impression that Starbucks only offers three drink sizes; the short drink is for those looking for a cheap and modest dose of caffeine to get themselves going but not flying. They don’t advertise it since they want you to get the ridonkulous sizes. (Isn’t it surprising that “ridonkulous” isn’t a size yet?)

London Fog

Calgary Reviews, Flickr

If you want some Early Grey tea but are starting to feel like an boring old grandma, the add a splash of vanilla syrup to your cuppa for an added flavor bonus and you’ve got yourself a London Fog.

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