the middle finger projecthttp://www.themiddlefingerproject.org
For business owners who need balls.Fri, 27 Feb 2015 13:12:17 +0000en-UShourly1http://wordpress.org/?v=253http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/TheMiddleFingerProjecthttps://feedburner.google.comSubscribe with My Yahoo!Subscribe with NewsGatorSubscribe with My AOLSubscribe with BloglinesSubscribe with NetvibesSubscribe with GoogleSubscribe with PageflakesSubscribe with PlusmoSubscribe with The Free DictionarySubscribe with Bitty BrowserSubscribe with NewsAlloySubscribe with Live.comSubscribe with Excite MIXSubscribe with Attensa for OutlookSubscribe with WebwagSubscribe with Podcast ReadySubscribe with FlurrySubscribe with WikioSubscribe with Daily RotationSubscribe by feed!You Can’t Make Money if You Can’t Ask for It. Fact.http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/TheMiddleFingerProject/~3/uoSdtsjZ_Qk/
http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/scared-make-ask/#commentsThu, 26 Feb 2015 21:33:00 +0000http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/?p=13716Have you ever walked into a Target and ALL THE SHELVES WERE EMPTY? What a fucking pickle, right? But now imagine there you are, sucking your thumb in your snowpants, when they welcome you in, luring you with a blue raspberry ICEE, those crafty little red shirted bastards. So you stroll over to the lawn and […]

But now imagine there you are, sucking your thumb in your snowpants, when they welcome you in, luring you with a blue raspberry ICEE, those crafty little red shirted bastards.

So you stroll over to the lawn and garden aisle, only to be met by an overenthusiastic college student with big boobs. Of course she has big boobs. But before you can utter a word, she starts yelling in your face like a drill sergeant:

“HI! I HOPE YOU REALLY LIKE OUR LAWN AND GARDEN AISLE! WILL YOU PROMISE TO STAY FOREVER AND EVER?!?!” And you’re all, What? Calm down, crazy.

So you have another sip of your ICEE, momentarily breaking your train of thought to wonder why no one has ever solved the problem of the two sip slushie (before the whole thing freezes up on your parched, needy throat), as you saunter on over by the hair & makeup section. Because, hair and makeup.

When you get there, however, instead of finding your favorite flavor of Juicy Tubes (the only time you will ever see the word “juicy” on this website), you’re greeted, yet again, by some riled up hipster who spots you coming from a mile away.

“HI!” he yells. “WELCOME TO TARGET! WE’RE A REALLY GREAT COMPANY! WILL YOU PROMISE TO STAY FOREVER AND EVER?!”

And at that point you start to wonder what the fuck Target is putting in these ICEES.

Then the same thing happens as you walk past the kitchen & home section, the women’s clothing section, and subsequently…out the door. No way are you getting involved with these psychos.

Two lessons here:

1. Your website is the local Target store. If you spend all this time and money to get people to visit your site, and then they get there and there’s nothing to buy, you cannot make money.

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Target couldn’t even make money. And isn’t this the point of having a business? Seemingly obvious, but I am often surprised at the level of hesitancy business owners have to make offers, and put things up for sale. Why? Wouldn’t you find it incredibly odd if Target, a place you’ve been super excited to visit after hearing all the talk and commotion, HAD NOTHING FOR SALE? Making money is a lot less complicated than most people make it–you make offers, and people give you money in exchange for the value they’re receiving via the offer. That’s how the marketplace works. But if you have no offers, you cannot possibly have buyers. Let’s call this The Universal Law of Entrepreneurship. Or The Universal Law of STOP BEING SO MODEST AND START MAKING OFFERS WHEN YOU KNOW IT’S GOING TO BENEFIT SOMEBODY. (If you don’t know if it benefits them, then you’ve got a whole other problem altogether.)

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2. When they do show up, and you start yelling in their face to be your friend forever (AKA pop ups that ask for the opt-in or make you feel like a guilty asshole who’s never going to be successful at anything unless they do what you say) they’re going to think you’re a crazed lunatic and go running in the other direction.

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I find this ironic because this is what most sites do these days. After an entire “content marketing” revolution, where the focus was getting away from traditional, intrusive advertising and, instead, providing value to an audience (also known as prospective buyers) in order to earn their attention and trust…we’ve gone full circle, now putting ads on top of the very content we set out to replace advertising. It’s maddening, you know? And fascinating, all at once. Yeah, yeah. I know. Get the opt-in. I do this for a living. And I’m really good at what I do. But we can do better than that.

I think the bigger lesson here isn’t, of course, about offers or opt-ins or pop ups or girls with big boobs: It’s about bringing value to the table. That’s what business really is.

It’s what my company strives to do with everything we put out into the world, from free blog posts to Facebook updates, to services we offer, classes we give, workshops we do and offers we make. It’s not about being cute. It’s about making business more fun & profitable for broke people who suck at it. This is the real value I bring to the table. And therefore, all of our offers are structured around having fun & making money.

For example, let’s take a look at the lineup we’ve got coming out here for the rest of Q1 & Q2 (which also serves as a sneaky way for me to make all of these announcements without having to write, “ANNOUNCEMENT!”, which I feel awfully smart about):

Perfect example of keeping it on brand, and emphasizing our value through the way we talk about things, right? By the way, this is a service spearheaded by our very own Jess Manuszak, Lead Creative Writer with my copywriting agency, B.A. Creative Writing, and author of our former Adultery column discussing the art of being an adult. Word Lipstick is great for getting polished prose in record timing: The perfect About Page, that email campaign that’s dry as wheat, a killer TED talk introduction, the copy for your book jacket. Or maybe even the love letter you’ve been dying to write.

2. SENTENCES & MONEY: An upcoming mentorship program for learning the business behind running a copywriting business, from start to finish.

From creating your offerings to setting your fees to learning how to negotiate with clients and manage projects like a pro, this is the first mentorship we’re doing specifically for new and aspiring professional copywriters who want to make it big. (There will even be special expert guests, such as actual clients, lawyers, accountants and more.)

Perfect example of keeping our offers on brand. I could have called this “weekly lessons to help you learn the basics of copywriting,” but I didn’t. Because I know my value (fun and engaging), and that value’s got to be highlighted via my message. By the way, this is a great alternative I’ve created for anyone who, as the tagline suggests, doesn’t have a lot of time to take things like 8 week long classes or workshops, but needs to up the ante and learn how to use words that people will BUY.

***Subscription available Friday, March 6th. Keep your eyes peeled for an announcement.

4. THE 2015 SIX APPEAL PROCESS CLASS: A framework designed to help any business, freelancer or creative improve revenue by six figures or more by changing nothing more than their words.

We ran our inaugural class last year and it was perhaps the biggest hit in history. This is a repeatable framework in advanced, graduate level copywriting & persuasion psychology informed by real-world research and applied to the written word.

***Registration opens in April. Class begins in May. You can jot your name down here if you’re interested in joining the class.

(Note: If you think you want to take this, but you’re worried you aren’t ready yet, be sure to sign up for the Copy Snitch subscription to learn the basics ahead of time, and you’ll be just fine.)

5. And….are you ready for this? This might be my favorite of all. We’ve decided on the location for our 2015 Life Hooky International Business Retreat. And this summer, you’re welcome to join us in – drum roll – ITALY!

This was, by far, the most requested country last year, and so this year we’re making it happen. (You have no idea how excited I am to stroll around in a vineyard wearing the biggest floppy white hat I can find.) The focus will be more on business than ever – while pairing it with plenty of luxurious, sinful free time. A nod to work/life balance, if you will. Because as they say, when in Rome…

***We’ll be releasing further details soon. In the meantime, go here to check it out, and enter your email to express interest!

As you can see, all of the things we offer are right in line with our brand. The names alone are a dead giveaway as to the kind of personality this company is, and the type of people that work for it.

We’re also really good about continually finding new ways to bring value to the table. That’s evidenced in the number of projects we take on every year (and this list doesn’t include other favorites like Love, Business Owner
or Brandgasm 101, of course!)

It’s no wonder that we’ve been successful in business—sometimes it’s a simple matter of probability. The more value we create for others, the more wealth we create for ourselves.

If you’re struggling in business, don’t hesitate to:

:: Pivot
:: Try another angle
:: Adjust the message
:: Come at it from another way
:: Create something new
:: Test the waters
:: See what works
:: See what doesn’t
:: Try it again
:: Fuck it all up
:: And keep flashing the world with your brilliance. In whatever form that may be.
And remember, if you aren’t making money…

]]>http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/scared-make-ask/feed/18http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/scared-make-ask/The Smell of Desperationhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/TheMiddleFingerProject/~3/d5satwH7k2o/
http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/smell-desperation/#commentsSun, 22 Feb 2015 13:55:34 +0000http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/?p=13693You can smell the desperation. You see folks running sideways all over the internet trying to get noticed, be bigger, get heard. But there’s a simple truth that a lot of people forget: If your message is weak, no one’s going to care, no matter how loudly you parade yourself around. Have you ever had […]

]]>You can smell the desperation. You see folks running sideways all over the internet trying to get noticed, be bigger, get heard. But there’s a simple truth that a lot of people forget: If your message is weak, no one’s going to care, no matter how loudly you parade yourself around.

Have you ever had a conversation with someone in another language, and when you express confusion over a word, instead of explaining the word, they simply say it back louder to you–as if this were the problem? That’s annoying, right? That’s how other people feel when you run around prostituting yourself and your business all over the place…with the wrong message. Or, one that’s delivered without expert execution. It’s frustrating. It’s a let down. And when you talk louder at them, instead of trying harder to listen, they tune you out entirely.

And guess what? If nobody’s listening, your chances are worse than ever. Worse than before you even started. Because power doesn’t come from kissing the world’s ass. It comes from knowing what the fuck you’re doing. And when you don’t?

]]>http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/smell-desperation/feed/12http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/smell-desperation/Starting a Business Isn’t for Weak People, Shitty People, Irresponsible People, Undisciplined People, Stupid People, Forgetful People, Lazy People, Irrational People, Impatient People, or People Who Blame Everything on Obama.http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/TheMiddleFingerProject/~3/xSxDhRQiksY/
http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/starting-business-isnt-weak-people-shitty-people-irresponsible-people-undisciplined-people-stupid-people-forgetful-people-lazy-people-irrational-people-impatient-people-people-b/#commentsTue, 17 Feb 2015 19:07:20 +0000http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/?p=13686Nearly ten years ago when I started my first copywriting business, I struggled with the things most new business owners struggle with: Telling a client your fees while silently thinking shitshitshitshitshitshitshit! Having no idea if your fees are too high or too low or WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSE TO BE CHARGING?! Constantly worried […]

Having no idea if your fees are too high or too low or WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSE TO BE CHARGING?!

Constantly worried someone was going to call you out and berate you and turn you into the police for saying / doing / breathing something amateur.

Thinking everything will take you about an hour except WRONG because every single thing seems to take all damn day.

Shrieking with joy the day you get your brand new business cards.

Picking your teeth with said brand new business cards.

Giving your new business cards to everyone you meet (after wiping the beef off).

Playing it cool around strangers like you’ve done this for – yawn – YEARRRRSSSSS.

Feeling like clients were needier than newborn babies.

Having no idea what to say or how to charge or what to do when they asked you to do “one more little thing” that ended up taking you four days and three bottles of vodka.

Not knowing a polite way to say, “no fucking way, lady”.

And, of course, pooh poohing things like taxes because how much could it really be? (Did you just laugh nervously with me there, new business owners?)

Let me put it this way: Starting a business is not for the faint of heart. It’s also not for weak people, shitty people, irresponsible people, undisciplined people, stupid people, forgetful people, lazy people, irrational people, impatient people, or people who blame everything on Obama.

Assuming you aren’t any of those people, then you might have a shot. It might take you the next decade to figure it all out, of course, but eventually you’ll be okay. You’ll screw up more than you ever did before, you’ll make more money than you ever did before, you’ll lose more money than you ever did before, and you’ll wonder if you’re bipolar more than you ever did before.

You’ll think things are great. You’ll think things are terrible. One day you’ll wake up ready to set the world on fire, and the next you’ll be ready to set yourself on fire, all the same. You’ll experience your proudest moments, your weakest moments, your most embarrassing moments and your most memorable moments, too.

You will have no idea if anything you’re ever doing is right (this doesn’t go away after time, sorry), you will have no idea how to fix shit you do wrong, you will have no idea if you can keep at it for even one more day, and you’ll have no idea who you are or where you’re going or whether it’s all worth it….for at least five years.

You’ll go through stages where you’ll think everyone is better than you, where you just want to throw in the towel, where you just want to go back to a “normal” life, and where you cannot remember what it’s like to even BE OUTSIDE.

You’ll hate being strong, being good, being responsible, being disciplined, being smart, being on top of it, being motivated, being rational, being patient, and not being able to blame everything on Obama.

And more days than not, you’ll probably hate your business, too.

Nothing is all daffodils and babies’ asses.

BUT…

Through all the bad days, the stressful moments, the awkward conversations, the uncertain decisions, the resentment, the doubt, the crazy, the overwhelm, there is one thing that you will have that no one else in the world does.

Balls.

Just kidding–though you’ve got a set of those, too.

What you’ll have, that most people will never have, is something called MERAKI.

It’s a Greek word, and it means pouring yourself wholeheartedly into something.

Because pouring yourself wholeheartedly into something is the only way any of us can ever feel fully satisfied, the only way we can really feel whole, and the only way we can feel like we aren’t just sitting around, taking up space like that jackass at the end of the bar.

Meraki.

Business might not always be glamorous.
It might not always be easy.
But one thing it will always be?

Is yours.

From your heart to your head to your brand new business cards.

One moment of victory at a time.

CALLING ALL ASPIRING COPYWRITERS: Want to reduce your learning curve by ten years? Want to have a fully functional and wildly profitable six-figure copywriting business by May? Click here to sign up to get notified about Sentences & Money, my exclusive new copywriter’s mentorship program, opening soon!

]]>http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/starting-business-isnt-weak-people-shitty-people-irresponsible-people-undisciplined-people-stupid-people-forgetful-people-lazy-people-irrational-people-impatient-people-people-b/feed/26http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/starting-business-isnt-weak-people-shitty-people-irresponsible-people-undisciplined-people-stupid-people-forgetful-people-lazy-people-irrational-people-impatient-people-people-b/How to Stop Hating Your Email (Before You Slice Your Own Wrists)http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/TheMiddleFingerProject/~3/2V3KONVzKSw/
http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/stop-hating-email-slice-wrists/#commentsThu, 12 Feb 2015 18:03:06 +0000http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/?p=13683I get a lot of email. In fact, I probably have more emails in my inbox every day than I have hairs on my head – and since I’m not going bald, this means that I have a lot of people who are requesting my time…all the time. You’d think it was because I was […]

In fact, I probably have more emails in my inbox every day than I have hairs on my head – and since I’m not going bald, this means that I have a lot of people who are requesting my time…all the time.

You’d think it was because I was important or something. I wish that were the case. I’m no more important than you are. But since I have a public persona, I probably get more emails than the Average Jane, which has forced me to be more discerning with my time than the Average Jane, and guess what? You should be more discerning, too.

No matter who you are, eventually you will struggle to keep up with your emails, and you won’t be able to hop in and “just check them,” because “just checking them” will result in a 48 hour never ending marathon in which your fingertips turn blue and your ass will go numb and the edge of your Macbook will leave permanent cut lines on the inside of your wrists, making it look like you actually tried to slice them, which really wasn’t on your mind until now, because after forty eight hours of this shit, you may actually give it a second thought.

Furthermore, on top of becoming a miserable little emotionally abused slave to your inbox, the worst part (beyond the whole killing yourself thing) is that nothing else will get done, either. Like the work you’re actually paid to do. Novel. Or the work you actually dream of doing. Imagine. Or even showering. The abomination!

It’s for these reasons that I employ a few standard rules for myself and my inbox, because I’m really not a fan of constant pressure, requests, demands and naggy mother fuckers, and I’m guessing you aren’t either. And I figure that if even a peaceful place like the zoo has rules? Then your inbox should have rules, too.

So without further delay, here are THE RULES OF THE INBOX. You should adopt them. Or don’t. But at least be mindful of the time you’re giving away to other people who may not merit it. Because someday your inbox is going to start eating you–and your profits–alive. And someday, I promise I will absolutely say, “I told you so.”

Rule #1: If you aren’t a client, a customer or the IRS, you’re going to the back of the line.

There will be no budging, no bribing, and no responses to your third email in a row asking me if I got the last email. I got your email. And no, I haven’t even had a chance to open it yet. Why? Because I’m doing the things that you should probably be doing, like writing this blog post. And writing on behalf of my clients. And caring about the quality of work I produce. Not sitting in my inbox, whistling all the live long day just waiting! for! the! next! one! to! arrive! I would rather take an ice pick and slowly puncture it through my ear drum. Ooooh, dramatic.

Rule #2: If it’s not a matter of life or death, then you’re not going to die if you have to wait a week for a response…and I don’t have to kill myself trying to get you one, either.

Here’s what troubles me about email the most: The fact that everybody looks at the email address like it’s a free for all, and no matter what thing is possibly going through any random Tom, Dick or Harry’s head, it’s perfectly fine for them to just compose a new message and pile you with it. This is dangerous. You will start to guilt yourself into answering every email that comes across your desk (I used to have VERY big problems with this), and you’ll let the world jerk you around in one big circle, as if you didn’t have anything better to do than shoot the shit with a bunch of complete strangers all yelling, “look at me! look at me!” Does this make me sound like an ungrateful twit? Yeah, it does. But I’m still saying it anyway because I know you’re secretly fist pumping along and you NEED someone to give you much-desired permission to stop being a 24/7 emotionally abused slave to your inbox. Remember: Your email address is the equivalent of your phone number these days, and if 400 people tried calling you in one day, you think you’d have time to do anything that mattered to you? No, you wouldn’t. And you’d be an asshole for answering the phone when you have stuff to do, too. Same thing goes with email.

Which leads me to Rule #3: I only answer email in the beginning of the day, or at the end of the day.

Why? Because at the beginning, I can make sure that none of my clients actually DO have a life or death situation (this has yet to happen), send off any questions or deliverables and take care of imminent business. Then–get this–I actually sign out of my inbox so I can get on with my actual work, which is copywriting, not hitting “reply” for 8 hours straight. Then, at the end of the day, only after I’m done what I really needed to get done on behalf of my paying clients and my own agenda, I’ll log back in and do another check-in, responding to clients once more, or handling any other important items. Key word: Important. Then, I’ll do things like respond to blog readers and people I consider important, but who don’t have urgent needs. And then, and only then, if I have extra time on my hands, will I even think about responding to random people’s agendas that are showing up in my inbox. Because you know that’s what emails are, right? Other people’s agendas disguised as a friendly hello. And frankly, I don’t have a lot of energy to run around catering to everyone else’s agendas. My brain is tired by then. I also have food to eat. Oh, and I think there’s this thing called exercise, and having a life. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Do you guilt yourself into answering email all the live long day? What’s the hardest part about email for YOU? Have you figured out a system for handling it? Share with us and help prevent email-induced sliced wrists worldwide.

]]>http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/stop-hating-email-slice-wrists/feed/21http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/stop-hating-email-slice-wrists/Cowardly Business Owners: An Epidemic?http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/TheMiddleFingerProject/~3/B-ArU88PgaI/
http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/cowardly-business-owners-epidemic/#commentsMon, 09 Feb 2015 14:27:43 +0000http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/?p=13666Yesterday, I got stood up. As you may know, I have my hands in a boating company, and yesterday, a brain surgeon from the Carolinas simply didn’t show up for a charter—despite having submitted a sizeable deposit, and despite the manager waiting for him at the marina, calling, emailing, iMessaging. One might be worried, if […]

As you may know, I have my hands in a boating company, and yesterday, a brain surgeon from the Carolinas simply didn’t show up for a charter—despite having submitted a sizeable deposit, and despite the manager waiting for him at the marina, calling, emailing, iMessaging. One might be worried, if we hadn’t seen him later on that very afternoon at the local grill, at which point, hot-to-trot-fancy-free proceeds to completely ignore the manager—and our shouts of hello—and spends an hour sitting horizontally at the mahogany bar top, nonchalantly nibbling on chicken fingers and talking to whomever would talk to him…so he didn’t have to look straight and meet our eyes. No return emails. No return calls. No notice he was blowing it off.

Coward.

The last couple of months, I’ve been privy to a situation that occurred where a ghostwriter was hired for a fairly large gig, ghostwriting a book for a colleague and friend of mine. That colleague paid her a generous deposit in advance, and then guess what happened? The ghostwriter fell off every face of every earth. Months went by, and at my colleague’s pleading, she finally was met with a response that she would have something in her hands that very night. Guess what? Nothing was ever sent that night—or ever. This person completely and entirely blew off her own client in the most unprofessional, obnoxious, horrifying, degrading way, forcing the client to beg and beg and beg and beg and beg to get not even a deliverable, but a mere email response. A mere status check. A mere ANYTHING at that point. But guess what? Nothing. Even to this day.

Coward.

In 2013, I had an amazing contract writer shockingly pull the exact same move—except upon completely disappearing mid-way through a project, she also disappeared from the entire internet. She was a well-known public figure online at the time, in fact, and to this day? Her website is a ghost town. But guess what? She’s not dead. She’s doing just fine. Her LinkedIn has since been updated (it appears she’s gone corporate), and she likely forgot we were friends on Facebook. All is alive and well. But two years ago, could she muster the courage to send a simple email? To give professional notice she couldn’t finish a project she committed to? To dignify my company with a response after I sent her multiple messages, far and wide, not only checking on the status of the project, but naturally, extremely concerned for her well-being and health? Nope. Not a peep. And this comes after having had a professional relationship with this person for many years. Someone I would have considered a friend.

Coward.

This kind of behavior concerns me gravely.

I’m not sure what their mothers taught them, but mine taught me to have good and decent values, to always be a professional about it, to maintain your own self-respect, and to dignify people with their own.

And—surprise, surprise—personal values carry over into professional values. But perhaps clowns like these didn’t listen to their mothers.

More and more, this kind of behavior is happening online, because no one’s got to walk into an office and fess up to their mistakes anymore. And this is where I put a gigantic pipe in my mouth, take a large puff, and say: Is it possible we need corporate America (and mothers?) more than I’ve admitted in the past?

It is possible that corporate America is the bootcamp that so many young “professionals” are missing these days?

Is it possible the next generation actually needs to be trained to understand how to do business responsibly? Professionally? Considerately?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU IN THE REAL WORLD IF YOU BLOW OFF YOUR DEADLINES AND TELL EVERYBODY TO GO FUCK THEMSELVES?

While you won’t be maimed, you certainly won’t get off scotch free (great phrase). In fact, you’ll be fired. And fired a lot. And you’ll end up sweeping the streets for a living, because that’s what happens to irresponsible assholes.

Yet, as it seems, a lot of the folks out there posing as professionals simply aren’t acting like it, because it’s too easy to get away with it, I presume. To let a bad day allow YOU to say “screw it,” or let your own personal problems contaminate your professional ability to deliver.

This isn’t just bad business—these are bad people. And they don’t deserve your business.

And if you’re a professional on the other side of the table? If you are someone who wants to BE a professional? If you are someone who sometimes has trouble keeping up with your workload, or communicating bad news to clients? A word of advice:

Figure out a way to say it. Because if you don’t? Your client is going to figure out a way to say it for you. And the very first words out of their mouth might very well be, “You’re a horrible person give me my money back.” Or, worse, they’ll send their lawyer to figure out an even better way to say it.

By the way, this is precisely why I created Love, Business Owner—which got a beautiful facelift this past week!

Because when you’ve got access to a searchable database of professional scripts, language & guidance on exactly what to say in any business situation under the sun—including the uncomfortable ones—then your life just got 1,000 times easier, you won’t look like an inconsiderate jack off (or feel like one, either), and you don’t completely piss people off so much that they start telling other people about your lack of diligence. The internet is a much smaller place than you think.

Just because you work behind a computer screen does not make you immune from responsibility.

Just because it’s easier not to say something…doesn’t mean you shouldn’t.

Just because you’re feeling embarrassed, stressed, overwhelmed, nervous, anxious, guilty or otherwise stupid because you know you blew something…does not mean it should prevent you from doing the right thing.

Word travels fast.

And so does your reputation.

Have you been burned in business? What happened? (No names, please.) Was it a function of cowardice communication, or something else? Vent in the comments below!

]]>http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/cowardly-business-owners-epidemic/feed/32http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/cowardly-business-owners-epidemic/A Story for the Downtrodden, Destitute, Distressed & Despairedhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/TheMiddleFingerProject/~3/ey4YGJ9s8fE/
http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/story-downtrodden-destitute-distressed-despaired/#commentsWed, 04 Feb 2015 20:29:18 +0000http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/?p=13635 I come from what you’d call a humble background. I grew up in rural poverty in the poorest county of Pennsylvania, where we hung out at stone quarries and had the first day of hunting season off from school. We lived in a gold and white trimmed mobile home I was horrified of, and I […]

I grew up in rural poverty in the poorest county of Pennsylvania, where we hung out at stone quarries and had the first day of hunting season off from school.

We lived in a gold and white trimmed mobile home I was horrified of, and I would purposely walk the long way around the block to the bus stop so the other kids wouldn’t know where I lived. (They did.) My mom had a debilitating anxiety disorder, and we lived on a monthly mortgage check we received from the sale of my grandmother’s house, a $200 child support check, and the occasional generosity of my mother’s friends, who I remember lending us money for toilet paper more than once. Our tax return from 1996 lists our total income as $5,290. I was twelve years old.

Despite appearances, we came from a good family in Philadelphia.

My mother’s mother, a strong woman with her own opinions, went off to study at the Moore College of Art in the 1930’s. My mother’s father owned The Harry Cusanek Painting Company, employed three men with two trucks, had a barn on Hermit St. in Roxborough, and was a Grand Knight in the Knight’s of Columbus. They made my mom study prayer, practice the piano, and work on her handwriting daily. My mother and her cousins would help make the big 4th of July float for St. Lucy’s church every year, and one year my mom was even the queen, leading the entire parade. Prim and proper would be a good way to describe the family–until my mother removed her crown and became what you might call a strikingly beautiful black sheep, no longer wishing to keep up with superficial appearances, nor the Jones’. My birth out of wedlock sealed the deal.

In 1990 we moved to Northeastern Pennsylvania, and I spent my pre-teens suddenly wanting everything I never had—and much, much more. I’m not sure where I got such big ideas, given that the most exposure I’d had to the world was what I’d read about in YM magazine, which my mother once purchased for me by paying in installments of $3.00/month via check.

When the 6th grade Washington trip came around and my class had a fundraiser, my mother bought $56 worth of candy and chocolates from me, so I wouldn’t have to face my teachers empty handed. I couldn’t bear walking around the neighborhood, knocking on strangers’ doors and asking them for money like we were encouraged to do–it was mortifying, disgraceful and excruciatingly embarrassing for a shy little girl like me. Especially a shy little girl who lived in a trailer and already felt ashamed as it were.

One week later, she paid back a friend in the amount of $256 with a check memo that said, “Loan and candy money for Ash.” She never shared these hardships with me–I only know because years later, I combed through and studied decades of bank transactions and returned checks.

My mom always found a way to make me feel like I had enough–even if, as it turns out, she had to humble herself by asking others to help hide the secret that we did not, in any way, have enough.

I was fortunate to have a good head on my shoulders, as all the teachers would write in my report cards, and it soon became my dream to someday escape Susquehanna County, return to our roots in Philadelphia, and become the CEO of some fancy company, wearing fancy business suits and working in fancy office buildings. I worked hard throughout high school and landed a full private scholarship to college, billed at $40K a year, courtesy of the very generous and kind-hearted Andy McKelvey, founder of Monster.com, who was my mentor and who changed my life.

A few months before my college graduation, however, my mom suddenly passed away, leaving me orphaned in the strangest of ways.

I was forced to put on my big girl panties, picking out funeral homes, writing obituaries, and figuring out what to do with our belongings and the credit card debt my mom had left behind. It was…a real mind fuck. But ultimately, the hard times gave me even more motivation. When you’ve got no one to turn to, you don’t turn. You leap, instead.

A couple of months later, I sold the trailer that had haunted me throughout my youth, said goodbye to Susquehanna County, moved back to Philadelphia and got my very first job in marketing. It was the first time I ever saw an Infiniti, or an Audi. I’d take long drives through suburban new home developments, silently oohing and ahhhing brick homes that looked like mansions, complete with perfectly manicured lawns…and moms. I often wondered if this would have been my future had we never moved away–but then I would remind myself that I didn’t need fate. I had fury. And fury, as I saw it, was a much better insurance policy.

Today, I’m the CEO of my own family of businesses, have been humbled by $100,000 months, and have gotten significantly better at knocking on doors.

In fact, I like to think that knocking on doors evolved into a superpower of mine, so to speak, after spending half a lifetime afraid of what the person would say on the other side. …And after seeing my mom struggle to knock on her own.

Just the other day I consulted with a well-known author who decided he wanted to revive an old comic strip he once loved as a boy. In the fall, he and I had discussed ways he might pitch the parent company to grant him a license to do just that, and just the other day, he was granted one. He’s now embarking on a three-book series that sets out to modernize this character, and we needed to come up with a catchy tagline. We did just that, and as I was getting off the phone with him, I congratulated him once more. He did a very good job knocking on the right door.

Many of the people that go through Guts and decide to start their own businesses–they’re doing a good job of knocking on the only door that counts. Their own.

So, what’s the difference between the person who knocks and the person who doesn’t? I don’t know. Maybe it’s personality. Maybe it’s self-esteem. Or maybe it’s no longer having a choice.

While my choice was made for me through a series of events that made my path quite inevitable, you might not have a choice, either—whether you know it yet or not.

No longer having a choice happens every time we feel so passionately about something–and can no longer NOT act. No longer having a choice happens when we’re relentlessly compelled to TRY–and can no longer bear witness to our own cowardice. No longer having a choice happens when we’ve finally reached our own personal tipping points, and can no longer continue to falsify our own existence, because we know anything less makes us frauds to ourselves.

No longer having a choice might just become the best thing that ever happened to you.

Backing yourself into a corner might just be the only way out.

And dreaming with your eyes open–even when you’ve got to walk around the block the long way, pay in $3 dollar/month installment plans, gawk in awe at expensive suburban mansions and knock on every door you see–doesn’t make you a dreamer.

]]>http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/story-downtrodden-destitute-distressed-despaired/feed/24http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/story-downtrodden-destitute-distressed-despaired/Hey, Business Owners! Please Note. You Cannot Outsource Your Bowel Movements.http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/TheMiddleFingerProject/~3/7o7c0l6fwFo/
http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/hey-business-owners-please-note-cannot-outsource-bowel-movements/#commentsThu, 29 Jan 2015 18:05:41 +0000http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/?p=13625 You know how you get good at stuff? You give a shit. You give a shit some more. And you give so much of a shit, that soon, your clients give a shit about you, too. You become an indispensable part of someone’s business or life. You think of the details some other jackal […]

And you give so much of a shit, that soon, your clients give a shit about you, too.

You become an indispensable part of someone’s business or life.

You think of the details some other jackal missed. You do things without being asked. You stay two steps ahead of your clients. You make them better for working with you. You make them smarter by working with you. And you do such good work, they’ll feel like they’ve got the world’s best kept secret on speed dial. (Jess makes me feel this way every single day.)

When you do this, two things happen:

1. You’re never viewed as an expense, but an asset, i.e. something that provides positive economic value. The benefits of that are numerous.

2. You become one of the few people that actually has job security.

Too many people out there are trying to pull 4 hour work weeks, work the least amount of hours they can, outsource their fucking bowel movements and make everything as scalable as possible.

While I love a smart business strategy like the best of ‘em, I can tell you this:

]]>http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/hey-business-owners-please-note-cannot-outsource-bowel-movements/feed/14http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/hey-business-owners-please-note-cannot-outsource-bowel-movements/You Can’t Sell Tickets to The Titanic if You’re Marketing it as a Rowboathttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/TheMiddleFingerProject/~3/Ac_k3-sCcY4/
http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/cant-sell-tickets-titanic-youre-marketing-rowboat/#commentsTue, 27 Jan 2015 18:26:44 +0000http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/?p=13618Listen up, business owners: Like it or not, people do judge a book by its cover. And that cover happens to include the words on the front. And those words will make all the difference. Even something as simple as the way you advertise your services. There’s a palpable difference between the words, “hire me” versus “engagement […]

And there’s a difference between, “Cost: $5,000″ and “Cost: $1,000 deposit to get started today” (Hint: One triggers the brain to flip on the flashing red lights and instantly categorize you as, “TOO EXPENSIVE!” while the other gives the brain a chance to process the value without getting distracted.)

People spend so much time painstakingly slaving over their business models, their offerings, their processes, their projections—but they’re all too quick to brush off the packaging as a superfluous extra—something that they’ll “figure out later” because in the meantime they just want to “get it out there.”

What they don’t realize is that they’re shooting themselves right in the big, Devil-Wants-to-Wear-Prada toe.

Yes, there is value in “shipping.”

Yes, there is value in getting it out there.

Yes, there is value in failing early and failing fast, as they say.

But you can’t sell tickets to The Titanic if you’re marketing it as a row boat.

Labels do matter. How you word it matters. What you say about it matters.

You could write the next Great American Novel, but if, once you’re done, you just slap any old title & description on the front–“A Good Book, by You,” expecting the content to “sell itself” while you crack a beer, you’re going to be in for a rude awakening. (And probably a rude hangover.)

A much smarter and much more profitable strategy is to figure out how to package your product first—What’s your angle? Where’s the catchy concept? How can I make this memorable, soundbiteable and exciting?—and then work backward from there. It’s how books like Eat, Pray, Love get the publishing deal, sell the movie rights, and then end up having Julia fucking Roberts ride a cute little bike with a basket through a god damn rice paddy AS SHE PLAYS YOU IN REAL LIFE. Sure, the book is good. But the packaging? Is why it sells.

Another example: Let’s say you’re a masseuse. (Man could I use one of you right now.) Instead of advertising yet another “Swedish Massage,” re-package that service into one called, “OVERWHELM BE GONE: A Specialized Massage for Stressed Out Business Owners Who Work Hunched Over the Computer All Day.” Or one called, “ATHLETE’S FOOT: A massage for sports enthusiasts who beat on their feet.” Or maybe one called, “MOM’S REVENGE: The massage for moms who need me-time.”

You’ll help the right clients feel like they won’t accept any other massage except THE ONE THAT IS JUST SO PERFECT FOR THEM…even if the standard Swedish Massage is the exact same massage.

It’s not about the product. It’s about the package. Because the package is the product.

And more and more, as the world of e-commerce grows and everybody including your grandma has a website, your words are your package.

]]>http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/cant-sell-tickets-titanic-youre-marketing-rowboat/feed/18http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/cant-sell-tickets-titanic-youre-marketing-rowboat/Clear vs Clever Copywriting is a Big, Fat, Bloated Myth (And a Scapegoat for Subpar Writers)http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/TheMiddleFingerProject/~3/poKg7agy05A/
http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/clear-vs-clever-copywriting-big-fat-bloated-myth-scapegoat-subpar-writers/#commentsTue, 20 Jan 2015 16:46:26 +0000http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/?p=13599 I’m a very dirty writer. Not Fifty Shades of Grey dirty (during work hours) but dirty in the way that I put sentences, thoughts, ideas together. My process is wild. Sexy. Free. Undomesticated. And while I wish the reason were because I’m just such a clay-faced, crochet-bra-top-wearing, sun-worshipping bohemian soul (I am laughably not), […]

Not Fifty Shades of Grey dirty (during work hours) but dirty in the way that I put sentences, thoughts, ideas together.

My process is wild. Sexy. Free. Undomesticated.

And while I wish the reason were because I’m just such a clay-faced, crochet-bra-top-wearing, sun-worshipping bohemian soul (I am laughably not), rather, it’s because I know something you don’t know about the written word:

It’s only as brilliant as its process.

If your process is tame, commonplace, average, pedestrian…then the output of your efforts will reflect that.

If your process is uninteresting, dreary, unimaginative and lazy, then your writing will reflect that, too.

Because words were developed to describe the human condition, the words that we choose to put on the page undoubtedly reflect who we are as humans.

There is no such thing as an objective word.

Every single word carries its own private nuance, spin, shadow of suggestion. Every single word walks around cloaked in a veil. Nothing is on its face. Everything means something. Even the plainest of language is communicating a sneaky little message. There’s no escaping it.

So it should follow that when you sit down to write the copy for your business, the words for a promotion, the name for a company, or something equally as important for your career, it becomes difficult to get people excited about what you do, if what you say isn’t exciting.

By exciting, I don’t mean exclamation points or bold claims. I mean purposefully selected to convey the exact emotion that the reader wants (and needs) to feel.

This is not an easy task. It requires a writer to be able to pull a Men in Black alien move and hop directly into the mind of the reader–the reader who everyone forgets is the real protagonist in every story. Even yours.

But getting into the minds of other people is not a tame, tidy effort. It cannot be, or you are not doing your job. It takes the writer who is willing to throw all preconceived notions to the wind; who is willing to finger paint with ideas. Brilliant writing is never clean writing. There’s nothing clean about it. It’s messy. It’s savage. It’s dirty. Which is why I always say that the writing process is truly an editing process–and it is. Because the real genius of editing is not in adding a comma, or correcting a run on sentence–it’s about running each word through a specific filter, and making sure that when it comes out on the other side? It conveys exactly what you want it to. That’s writing.

Which, by the way, is why I take issue with the whole age-old dichotomy between “clear” versus “clever” copywriting, as if there were only two types.

If you have any idea what you’re doing as a copywriter, you’re well-aware that every single word you put onto a page makes its own very distinct statement. Therefore, if something you’ve written isn’t considered clear, then you aren’t selecting your words very wisely, are you?

Clear is a given. Clever is a bonus.

Just because your writing is clever does not mean it will fail. Brilliant writing can be clever, as long as it is also clear. As it should be. Real clever writing is, by nature, clear to the person buying it. That’s what makes it clever. And if you’re selling something? That’s the only person who matters.

Clever writing is sharp. It is bright. It is skillful. Precisely why the clear brigade hates it. Approaching clear/clever from an either/or perspective is for subpar writers who aren’t talented enough to merge science and art. Clever does not have to be unclear, and clear does not have to be unclever. When you’re doing it right.

Conversions happen because someone on the other side of the screen said, ‘YES’–not because they were under the spell of a green ‘BUY NOW’ button, as if this were the first fucking time they’ve seen one.

What it takes to get the YES is going to be different for every company, however, I can tell you this: At some point, every one of your competitors will have a beautiful, modern website. At some point, every one of your competitors will have a fully optimized BUY NOW button. At some point, every single one of your competitors will have their features neatly translated into benefits, and their headlines neatly tested against one another for conversions.

And then what? What happens when there aren’t any more easy legs up? What happens when the customer can no longer choose based on arbitrary aesthetics and basic benefits-focused copy? What happens when everyone is the same?

You’re going to have to give them a better reason to choose you.

And time over time again, that reason is going to be because of who you are. Your personality. Your company’s character. The subjective parts of the equation.

Like I said to a consulting client yesterday on the phone: Anyone can sell treadmill parts. There’s nothing genius in that, nor particularly difficult. The difference has nothing to do with what you sell. The difference is in how you sell it, and furthermore, how you make the people feel who buy it. And when that comes down to your words on the screen, versus the next guy’s words on the screen, then what you say really IS more important than what you sell. Because guess what? A “clearly” stated benefit that’s the exact same as everybody else’s “clearly” stated benefit isn’t going to do jack. At some point, it all becomes moot. There are only so many benefits, and other companies have those, too.

What they don’t have is YOU.

Your brand is your own best kept secret.

Precisely why your words need to brilliantly reflect you & your brand’s personality–and everything it stands for. If your company is really as innovative as you say it is, then your words need to mirror that same level of innovation. If you’re really as unconventional as you say you are, then you words cannot fall flat. If you’re really starting some kind of revolution, then your words cannot be yesterday’s.

Every word is a miniature representation of who you are. And trust me–no two words are the same. It’s why every single one of ‘em has their own definition in the dictionary, and why synonyms are a myth, too.

And to that point, it’s the same reason why you’re still reading this.

Anyone can give writing advice. But the person who gets chosen? Is the one who chooses his words.

Because when he does it right, the person reading them will have already whispered,

]]>http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/clear-vs-clever-copywriting-big-fat-bloated-myth-scapegoat-subpar-writers/feed/53http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/clear-vs-clever-copywriting-big-fat-bloated-myth-scapegoat-subpar-writers/There Are Much More Interesting Things You Can Be Doing With Your Time Besides Answering Some Nitwit’s Emailhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/TheMiddleFingerProject/~3/rHY7BdCg_BI/
http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/much-interesting-things-can-time-besides-answering-nitwits-email/#commentsWed, 14 Jan 2015 16:49:44 +0000http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/?p=13573 There I was, minding my own business, going about life as usual: Wondering how to tone armpit fat, substituting vodka for water, telling lies to small children (actually the boogieman will beat your ass) and thinking horrible things about other people. And then I flew to Guatemala last week. Now, I don’t […]

There I was, minding my own business, going about life as usual: Wondering how to tone armpit fat, substituting vodka for water, telling lies to small children (actually the boogieman will beat your ass) and thinking horrible things about other people.

And then I flew to Guatemala last week.

Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever been to Guatemala, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say you probably haven’t thrown on a poncho and andale-ed on down recently. Neither had I. But let me tell you a little something about good ol’ Guatemala: It will wet your business panties.

You didn’t expect me to say that, did you.

Over the past couple of years, I’ll admit: I’ve become relaxed when it came to travel & adventure & batting my eyelashes around foreign countries. I’ve stayed put. Kept my head down. Did good work. Wrote award-winning copy. (Actually the award was for, “Most Likely to Burn Down the Internet”–probably appropriate.) Built useful things. Made my clients a lot of really great money they deserved. Collaborated with smart people. Finished developing The Six Appeal Process, my own framework for writing emotionally-grounded copy. Ran an international business retreat in Costa Rica where the proceeds helped a displaced Nicaraguan woman start an empanada business. Re-wrote & re-released my original book in a 30 day program format, “You Don’t Need a Job, You Need Guts.” Stood up for what was right when I was wronged. Started painting. Started jogging. (And then stopped painting and stopped jogging, but that’s neither here nor there, right?) Unearthed the real book I’ve been trying to write for years now. And learned that the reason I’m such a shitty tea drinker is because I forget to DRINK THE TEA. (Suspicious this doesn’t happen with other certain beverages.)

By having such intimate relationship with my work, one thing had become clear: I had stopped traveling like I used to. Like that time I just up and flew to Paris. Or when I randomly bombed down to Ecuador. (Note: “down to” are pretty important words in this sentence.) The time I spent living in Barcelona, or the years I spent living in Chile.

And yet, reasons like these were the very reasons I originally began my first copywriting business back in 2006, nearly a decade ago. Not to travel well, but to live well. Because I couldn’t figure out how people are just fucking okay with rotting away on a squeaky rolley chair until they’re seventy and decrepit, wondering where the time went. I couldn’t figure out why, what seemed to me to be a poor standard of living…was the voluntary standard of everyone. And for the love, I couldn’t figure out why everyone was okay with doing all of this–giving up their entire lives, their best years, the secrets they’ll never discover about themselves–just to be broke and pissy and whiney and unhappy in some dumb little rolley chair.

So when I arrived in Guatemala, it reminded me, once again, why I’ve busted my tail for so many years, doing all the hard work that most people simply don’t do: In order to have experiences that most people simply don’t have.

I don’t care if it’s Monday at nine, or Thursday at three: There are much more interesting things you can be doing with your time than answering some nitwit’s email. (And there are a lot of nitwits in this world, which is why I’m refusing to soften that statement.) This is precisely why I’ve always prefered my career to bend itself around my life, instead of having to bend my life around my career. Most people are afraid they’re going to miss a business opportunity; but they forget about the life opportunities they’ve got to give up, instead. It’s called opportunity cost for a reason: Because somewhere along the line, you’re going to lose. The good news, however, is that you get to pick what that is.

And that’s why doing things like jaunting off to Guatemala is necessary. Because when there are jumbo volcanoes shading the cobblestone streets below them, and those streets are weaved artfully through a checkerboard of eccentric little nooks and alleys and shops and crayon-colored buildings, challenging you to come play a January game of hide and seek?

You say yes.

Remember: Building a business isn’t about building a business; it’s about building a meaningful existence. And that’s one thing none of us can afford to lose.

]]>http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/much-interesting-things-can-time-besides-answering-nitwits-email/feed/36http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/much-interesting-things-can-time-besides-answering-nitwits-email/Business Lacking Direction? Start With the Money.http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/TheMiddleFingerProject/~3/znp6xslW6js/
http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/business-lacking-direction-start-money/#commentsTue, 06 Jan 2015 21:09:49 +0000http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/?p=13553Imagine you’re seven years old, and you’ve never cooked anything before, so help your Fisher Price kitchenette. But suddenly you’re home alone, and you’re tasked with making yourself a meal. So naturally, you do what any seven year old would do: You get a big pot, and you start putting your favorite things into it. Pepperoni pizza—fucking […]

But suddenly you’re home alone, and you’re tasked with making yourself a meal. So naturally, you do what any seven year old would do: You get a big pot, and you start putting your favorite things into it.

You mix it all together (stirring pizza is surprisingly difficult), spread it out onto a cookie sheet, and slide it on into the microwave (you’re seven, after all.)

When you pull it out to eat, however—surprise!—it’s disgusting.

What went wrong? You put lots of delicious things into it…shouldn’t something delicious come out?

You and I both know that that’s not the way food works (unfortunately). Rather, you and I and most normal humans do the opposite: We start out with some idea of what we want to make, and then follow a recipe to get there. Logical, right?

Yet somehow, the minute we step foot out of the kitchen, we all revert back into our seven year old selves as soon as it’s time to start planning out a meal business.

Too many business plans start with, “Well, I like this, and this, and oh I’m very good at this! Why don’t I just combine these all into one business? It’ll be perfect!”

Here’s why it may not be: Unless you can pull your love for saxophones, life coaching, snorkeling and kickboxing all together under one cohesive brand that makes sense in a given market, your business is going to be the equivalent of the “pizza slash sushi restaurant” that everybody knows to stay away from.

As part of my January 2015 initiative, I’ve been doing quick ‘n dirty phone consults with a variety of new business owners, and one common problem that many are having is that they’re forgetting to start in the place that matters the most: The money.

How you’re going to generate revenue is what drives any business…and it should drive your decision making process, too. (Not the other way around.)

I’ve seen a lot of well-meaning folks try to hodgepodge together a variety of different interests, passions and quirks together into one business – perhaps because it feels safer this way, in the event one side of the business flops – and then try to figure out how they’re going to make money between the two. The old “little bit of this, little bit of that” approach.

This is backwards. Just as backwards as mixing together pepperoni pizza, pop tarts and mashed potatoes and then trying to figure out how to make something edible out of it—let alone remarkable.

Start with the money.

It might be an unpopular opinion among the feel-good, self-identifying multipotentialite crowd, but my job isn’t to make you feel good; it’s to make you money. So it only follows that the money is the first logical place you start.

Think about what the thing is that you are going to sell, and then work backwards to figure out what pieces of the puzzle will support those sales—which will help clear up a lot of the ambiguity around “but I’m not sure if I should say this on my website, or this?” or “do you think I should blog about this topic, or another one?” or “what about this name?” or “does it make more sense to write this book, or that one?” or “should I accept this invitation to come speak on this semi related but not entirely relevant topic…or not?”

If it doesn’t support your ultimate end game, toss it out, make it a hobby, masturbate over it in the shower, or add it to a list of “future businesses I’d love to start.” But don’t tack it onto your business. You are not a five and dime store.

Remember: If they can’t figure out where your edge lies, you have none. And edges are what people pay for.

By its very nature, an edge is defined by one sharp thin line…not four blurry lines merging together into some kind of demented trapezoid.

First consider your edge, and how much money that edge is worth to customers. And then reverse engineer your business so every piece of it logically supports that edge…and nothing else. At least for now, anyway.

]]>http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/business-lacking-direction-start-money/feed/34http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/business-lacking-direction-start-money/Feeling lazy? Unmotivated? BLEH? Open Up, Sweetheart. Here’s Some Medicine.http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/TheMiddleFingerProject/~3/CKSWquuB6TQ/
http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/feeling-lazy-unmotivated-bleh-open-sweetheart-heres-medicine/#commentsFri, 02 Jan 2015 21:21:55 +0000http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/?p=13545So yesterday I’m all, “MUST START NEW YEAR WITH GOOD HABITS,” which obviously leads to drinking an entire bottle of wine AND taking a jog, in that order, because COMPROMISE. So here’s me all decked out in black spandex, feeling like a bonafide hot chick ninja like you see in movies (except my legs are chafing, […]

]]>So yesterday I’m all, “MUST START NEW YEAR WITH GOOD HABITS,” which obviously leads to drinking an entire bottle of wine AND taking a jog, in that order, because COMPROMISE.

So here’s me all decked out in black spandex, feeling like a bonafide hot chick ninja like you see in movies (except my legs are chafing, I’m sweating like a pregnant wildebeest, and my pony tail makes me look like a wet rat because despite having tried for thirty some odd years, to this day I haven’t figured out how to do one of those careless cool girl buns that are all, “oh this? yawn, I just threw it up”).

I’m not 14 seconds into my dorky speed walk, when I hear this clickety clacking coming from behind me, like I’m about to get run over by a military sergeant…or maybe the entire squadron. (Squadron, great word.)

So as me and my slick backed rat tail whip around to see who’s approaching, you know what I see?

Not a sergeant. Not a Clydesdale. Not a WWF wrestler. But a mother on a mission.

And not just any mother, but a mother pushing a stroller. Although perhaps “pushing” isn’t the right word—brief reflective pause—“bulldozing that shit along the side of a bumpy, mountainous jungle road with no sidewalk and zero regard for pedestrians” is probably more appropriate.

Now, mind you. As I tell this story, I’m in the beachy rainforest of Costa Rica, where I live from time to time when I actually can stand the humidity, bugs, and asinine power outages.

So I’m all, “Is grease lightning over here really about to pass me? With a stroller? On this road?” At which point I berated myself to walk faster, because let’s face it: This is embarrassing.

And there I am, literally walking as fast as I can, FULL SPEED, when mom-of-steel totally glides on by me without missing a beat, on the left side, on the road with no sidewalk and Latino drivers without mufflers zooming by her, while pushing a stroller.

Which would have been bad enough, if, ten minutes later, I hadn’t made the right onto the hilly mountain road that takes you down to the beach, where I see that Vin Diesel had also turned down that road. Which happens to be situated on a damn near 90 degree angle. Which happens to be a real bitch to walk. I assume she must be staying in one of the hotels further down the road, and probably had no choice but to hoof it on back.

Nope!

Because then we both awkwardly come to the next Y in the road (with me, señorita sweats a lot, trailing behind this woman in a way that’s like, “We’re the only two people on this entire road and I’m definitely walking way too close behind you for comfort”), where there are two options: Go right on the hard top, or go left on this rocky decline of a dirt road that’s meant for things like four wheelers, monster trucks and verifiable mountain men…but probably not strollers. (Side note: Ludacris and his fiancée just spent Christmas week staying at this house on this road, and yes, I missed him, and yes, I hate myself. SHOULD HAVE BEEN TAKING YOUR CUTESY LITTLE WALKS THEN, ASH.)

So I proceed to watch her finagle this, without being able to believe my own eyes, because Vin Diesel apparently isn’t taking any prisoners today—off she veers onto the dirt road, hurling down the side of this mountain, off-roading this stroller, one-handing the thing like it’s a sport. I mean, this dirt road is so steep that I even recently saw an SUV, in 4 wheel drive, get stuck going back up it…not because it was wet or muddy, but because it was THAT ROCKY, the thing couldn’t get enough traction.

I immediately dart my eyes to the wheels of this stroller, expecting them to be some kind of heavy-duty rubber that’s especially made for, I don’t know, carting your babies down non-traditional terrains. Sure enough, no such thing. Plain as day baby stroller wheels in action.

So this is the moment when I start to feel like a real loser, you know?

Not only does she pass me on the main road, whilst pushing a stroller, but then proceeds to prove that I LITERALLY HAVE NO EXCUSE IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD FOR BASICALLY NOT HIKING MOUNT EVEREST OR SOMETHING. Because she’s now that person I will continue to guilt myself with for all of 2015, in the back of my head, every single time I don’t want to go outside: Well stroller derby makes it happen—wah, wah wah—I have no excuse. Ever again.

Nevertheless, bitch proceeds to make it all the way to the bottom, where the dirt road finally levels out and opens up into a big, wide sandy beach, where she then goes on to push that stroller right on down the entire length of the beach, triceps bulging, and baby bouncing along…like it ain’t no thang.

This, people, is dedication.

I gotta say: While that might not sound appealing, it’s a great testament to how people who want things get it done. They do it. Rain or shine. Baby or no baby. Sidewalk or no sidewalk. Spectators or not.

She didn’t give one flying fuck that I was awkwardly trailing behind her, watching her stumble and brace and fly and haul. She didn’t care that the people hiking back up the mountain were looking at her like she had gone mad. And she didn’t let the fact that people don’t conventionally push strollers down rocky roaded beachside mountains…stop her from doing just that.

And as we come into this new year, I want to encourage you to take a page out of stroller derby’s book, and stop promising yourself all sorts of corny, cliché things (like that you’ll finally start taking the road less, ahem, traveled)

…and actually do the damn thing.

Worst case scenario? You’ll give a baby brain damage.

But best case?

You’ll finally:

-Write that book
-Start that side business
-Build that new app
-Raise your hourly rate by $100 bucks
-Go with your heart
-Do what you *really* want
-Market yourself your way
-Figure out if this is what you want…or not
-Travel more
-Travel less
-Honor your instincts
-Launch that website
-Decide you’ll never do _____ again
-Rewrite your sales page
-Put that email sequence in place
-Dye your hair, for the love of christ
-Make more “you” time
-And generally take the really ridiculous, incredibly pressure some burden off yourself to do things a certain way, just because some person in some book once said that’s how you should do it.

The woman with the stroller was doing what she had to do to make it work…for her.

]]>http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/feeling-lazy-unmotivated-bleh-open-sweetheart-heres-medicine/feed/10http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/feeling-lazy-unmotivated-bleh-open-sweetheart-heres-medicine/Repeat After Me: You Are Not Your Buyerhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/TheMiddleFingerProject/~3/VCpOCUj9d4c/
http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/repeat-not-buyer/#commentsTue, 30 Dec 2014 22:06:53 +0000http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/?p=13535It’s two days before the new year, and I’m doing exactly what you are: Dicking around on the internet and calling it “downtime.” It’s absolutely PHENOMENAL. But, as we all prepare to become supermodel trazillionaire cigar-smoking business moguls in 2015, there is one thing I want to encourage you to do, right here, right now, […]

]]>It’s two days before the new year, and I’m doing exactly what you are: Dicking around on the internet and calling it “downtime.” It’s absolutely PHENOMENAL.

But, as we all prepare to become supermodel trazillionaire cigar-smoking business moguls in 2015, there is one thing I want to encourage you to do, right here, right now, before you slug the last of the egg nog and run around with streamers on your head.

Whatever it is, you’ve probably been making every decision from inside your own head, am I right?

Your own perception of what people might want.Your own perception of how much people will pay.Your own perception of what will sell (and what won’t).Your own perception of what people need to hear.

But – and allow me to insert a brief awkward moment here – how many times have you actually asked somebody in a position to actually buy from you…what they wanted? How many times have you, instead, spoken for them, over them, and on behalf of them? And how many times have you based critical business decisions on your own past experiences, your own buying power, your own preferences and your own fears…instead of theirs?

Do not forget: You are not your buyer.

And that means something.

First of all, it means you’ve gotta get out of your own head once and a while…or the only person who your stuff is going to appeal to is you. Second, it means you can’t assume anything without doing your due diligence. Are you sure they won’t pay that?

When you first subscribe to this blog, I’ll send you an email asking you to tell me who the fuck you are. I don’t do this to be cute; I do it because if you want to build a community, you gotta talk to people. It’s not a one-sided conversation, and you can’t be a grouchy little hermit crab.

However, another benefit of having this in place is the opportunity to take a stroll through people’s minds; to understand why they were attracted to The Middle Finger Project in the first place, and what they need from me. I get to hear their worries, their bitching, their funny jokes, their humble admissions. And time and time again, reading through these responses is the #1 thing I do for my creative businesses. (Besides blogging and drinking, of course.)

Their words humanize this whole god damn internet stuff, making sure I remember that no one, not now, not ever, is a number, but rather, a real person, with real thoughts, and real feelings, and real struggles.

And teasing out that HUMANITY and applying it to your business is what separates the average from the brilliant.

It’s the difference between the coach who says, “I’ll help you self actualize,” and the coach who says, “I’ll help you stop crying yourself to sleep over your divorce.” It’s the difference between the website designer who says, “I’ll optimize your site for mobile” and “I’ll make sure every single person who sees your website, whether they’re on a computer, an iPhone, a tablet or their 8 year old’s PS4 – sees the best of you, clear as day.” It’s the difference between the interior designer who says, “I’ll give you a free quote” and “How about I swing by and take a peek?”

This particular set of examples is a head nod to my signature “wake up sweaty” test that I traditionally teach in my copywriting workshops; if it isn’t going through their mind at 3am, it shouldn’t show up as copy on your website.

But teasing out the humanity can apply in so many other ways.

Going out of your way to send actual Christmas cards in the mail, for example (we sent a bunch to our most engaged community members this year). Understanding what the real hesitation is between them and the buy button. Remembering, on days when you’re frazzled and frustrated and overwhelmed and pissy, that the person on the other side of the inbox is REAL. (And you’re sometimes nicer to the stranger in line behind you at Dunkin’ Donuts, which is saying something.) Finding creative ways to solve their problems in a way that’ll delight the hell out of them. Introducing a new service that you hadn’t even thought of before. Realizing that nobody wants another freaking email; they want what’s in the email, and what’s in the email…is you. (Which is one reason I censor myself less than most.)

If it’s not about being human together, and finding creative ways to help one another, then what is it about?

I don’t know. But one thing I do know is that nobody wants to be helped by the cold, fish-like, clammy “professional” with the stick up their butt.

You don’t have to distance yourself from people in order to be taken seriously; you just need to do a better job of demonstrating your brilliance.

In the meantime, listen to what the people who do love you are saying.

Take the next couple of days to spy on their websites. Go into that fancy Infusionsoft database you’re bleeding out the eyeballs to pay for, and call somebody. Actually have a conversation or two on – god forbid – Twitter. And have some FUN.

Turns out, listening isn’t just polite; it’s profitable. And maybe the one thing your business has been missing – in all this trying to cut through the noise and the yelling and the webinars and the hubalub – isn’t more shouting.

]]>http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/repeat-not-buyer/feed/19http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/repeat-not-buyer/21 Last Minute Gift Ideas (That Aren’t a Freaking Yankee Candle) For Busy Business Owners WHO FORGOT TO SHOP.http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/TheMiddleFingerProject/~3/KkXAkB3meqI/
http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/21-last-minute-gift-ideas-arent-freaking-yankee-candle-busy-business-owners-forgot-shop/#commentsWed, 24 Dec 2014 15:51:28 +0000http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/?p=13513 So, if you’re anything like me, you just now realized that Christmas is tomorrow, and wasn’t I suppose to go shopping or something? When you’re busy running a business, it’s easy to let everything else slip through the cracks. (Yes, even shopping sprees and candy cane martini binges.) But, one thing you don’t want to […]

So, if you’re anything like me, you just now realized that Christmas is tomorrow, and wasn’t I suppose to go shopping or something?

When you’re busy running a business, it’s easy to let everything else slip through the cracks. (Yes, even shopping sprees and candy cane martini binges.) But, one thing you don’t want to do? Is become an unthoughtful schmuck.

Which is precisely why I decided to come up with a list of thoughtful last minute gift ideas (that are way better than another freaking Yankee candle), including a few creative ways you can give them, so your present actually feels like a present…and not something you, uh, bought at the last minute. (Even if it IS the doggone truth, you dirty workaholic.)

1. Give them the gift of…a day off from their life in a basket.

Recommended items for inclusion: One printed permission slip (signed and sealed by you, of course), a bicycle lock & cable to officially tie up their computer & phone (complete with usage instructions), a box of chocolate covered cherries (because they are DELICIOUS), a pair of the fuzziest slippers in all of Target, the most recent sports illustrated and/or fireman calendar (so they can have eye candy and at least pretend they’re on a beach), a snorkel (for effect), a paperback copy of your favorite dirty romance, and a custom-made itinerary – printed on parchment, of course, including lunch & dinner times, their favorite 1pm soap opera, and the very best of all: TUB SOAK TIME!

2. Give the gift of…your expertise.

Grab some screencasting software, and make a series of online tutorials walking them step-by-step through a skill that you’re an expert at, personalized just for their needs. Say you’re a writer, and your friend is trying to pitch a TV show…could you show them how to edit any pitch so it’s more compelling / attention-grabbing / ready-made for TV? Say you’re a photographer, and your friend is getting married soon…could you make a fun wedding tutorial for making sure they’re posed at the best angle? Say you’re a sex coach…

…just kidding, you guys. (Then again, a live demonstration of the kama sutra could be perfect for at least one person on your list?)

Surprise! Now you can purchase a downloadable version of my very own LOVE, BUSINESS OWNER, a powerful collection of over 300 classic business scenarios & sticky situations, with accompanying script templates for handling each one like a pro, for just $99. For anyone starting a business, this is a surefire favorite, guaranteed to help them more effectively sell to prospects, state their fees without stuttering, and learn to sound like a boss…instead of just having the title.

(Prefer to give a gift card for this, instead? You can purchase a House of Moxie, Inc. gift card over here. After purchase, you’ll get an email with a pretty digital gift card & unique code that you can either print and give, or send along with a note. Your recipient can enter the gift card code at checkout themselves, and codes don’t expire, and can be used multiple times until the balance is exhausted. FAN-CY.)

The Tile is this nifty little tag you attach to, say, your key ring, that syncs with your iPhone so you can always find anything on the fly. Can’t wait for it to ship? They’ve got you covered with their very own guide for making the gift tangible in the meantime.

7. Gift the gift of…an eBook of eBooks.

You know how you want to just push the “Give as a Gift” button on Amazon, but feel like a lazy, unthoughtful schmuck about it? Try this tip: Go ahead and purchase 5 of your favorite Kindle books on Amazon as a gift (even better if they’re related)…but have the email forwarded to yourself, instead of to your recipient. Then, take each email confirmation and print to PDF. Then, using something like Adobe Acrobat, stitch the PDFs together into one big PDF, and then add a gorgeous cover and a thoughtful holiday note, and maybe a cute ending, too. Then, go ahead and email them the personalized eBook of books, as one big, pretty, personalized booklet.

8. Give the gift of…an online service they really should have.

An account with Freshbooks? Maybe an email marketing service like AWeber? Web hosting from somebody like Bluehost? A new e-commerce store with Shopify? Or maybe something like this swanky new business forecasting application. Here’s how you do it without needing their CC information: Buy a prepaid credit card for the amount it costs to buy them one to three months of the service of your choice – and then write a note with the information, making it clear that it’s intended for the service you want them to have (which will make your gift feel more thoughtful and personalized.) Is it like a gift card? A little. Does it FEEL as thoughtless as a generic gift card? Not at all.

Like giving one girl life skills training for a year, or feeding a woman and a child at a safe house. It’s Crowdrise’s “Christmas Present Thing,” where their tagline states: “Instead of giving a dumb present…”

15. Give them the gift of… The Business Survival Kit.

Recommended items for inclusion are: A mason jar filled with cut up slips of paper filled with suggestions on ways to relax (they can reach in and pick one at random any time they’re feeling on edge), a note welcoming them to their 30 day subscription of You Don’t Need a Job, You Need Guts (containing my best advice on marketing yourself), a big old bottle of red (duh), a voodoo doll and accompanying pack of needles, a lavender scented candle (to balance out the voodoo doll), one of those fun little stress balls (for good measure), a package of marbles (for when they lose theirs, of course), a nice printed list of local therapist phone numbers, and – my favorite – a pre-paid cell phone programmed with your phone number on speed dial for the next time they’re about to go loose cannon. (Because isn’t that cute and slightly James Bondish?)

Gifting a gift card? Handing over some old fashion cash? Here are some bonus fun ideas for packaging into something that feels more thoughtful.

:: And taking a cue from the tissue box, you can always wrap the certificate / redemption code / cashola to look ENTIRELY like something else. (This year, our very own Jess actually wrapped a video game gift card to look like a trumpet with paper towel tubes and an oil funnel.)

:: You can try putting the certificate / gift card / order confirmation in a gorgeous picture frame, and send along with a card that says: “In case of client emergency, break glass.”

:: Empty out a box of chocolates (that shouldn’t be too hard!), and then replace each little chocolate holder with clues to guess what your gift is, or even stuff them with a bunch of fun little printed certificates (like one valid for a free foot rub, and another valid for one hour of uninterrupted VENT time with you.) Close the chocolate box, tie a bow on that bitch, and voilà.

:: Take the gift card, and then put it in a fun puzzle maze, like this one. The catch? The gift card is trapped in there until they figure out how to get the ball through the maze.

:: Use a service like this to record a message, and then have it translated into a QR code that the recipient has to scan with their phone in order to hear.

:: Set up one hell of a treasure hunt to figure out what you got them on the other side. You can do this in a physical location, or even online, by sending them from website to website, gathering clues you’ve set up in advance, and putting them altogether to guess what your gift is. Fun!

Because at the end of the day…

Nothing is more important than at least looking like you gave a damn.

Kidding.

There’s lots of stuff that’s more important, but probably not the day before Christmas.

]]>http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/21-last-minute-gift-ideas-arent-freaking-yankee-candle-busy-business-owners-forgot-shop/feed/11http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/21-last-minute-gift-ideas-arent-freaking-yankee-candle-busy-business-owners-forgot-shop/FREE DOWNLOAD: 30 Holiday Script Templates for Handling All Those Business Heachaches That Pop Up When You Really Just Want to be Drinking Peppermint Schnappshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/TheMiddleFingerProject/~3/7x1qj14Xm6c/
http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/free-download-holiday-script-templates/#commentsTue, 16 Dec 2014 21:37:23 +0000http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/?p=13486 So this morning I’m sitting here going about my business, writing up a storm, guzzling coffee, and otherwise trying not to be mad that it’s sunny and 90 degrees where I am in Costa Rica when ALL I WANT IS SNOW FOR THE HOLIDAYS. Nevertheless, I know what constitutes a realistic ask, and […]

So this morning I’m sitting here going about my business, writing up a storm, guzzling coffee, and otherwise trying not to be mad that it’s sunny and 90 degrees where I am in Costa Rica when ALL I WANT IS SNOW FOR THE HOLIDAYS.

Nevertheless, I know what constitutes a realistic ask, and snow in Central America isn’t one of them. So naturally, I opt for second best, buying every decoration in sight for the past two months like a verifiable crazy person. There’s a snowflake welcome mat outside, a snowman AND a reindeer on the table in the breezeway, and more silver sparkle than a Las Vegas stripper. (That said, I have never seen a Vegas stripper, so this is admittedly an unfair comparison.)

The other day, I even took it upon myself to “decorate” the reading room.

But that’s where the buck stopped. (So close to a reindeer pun, you guys.) Because then Monday happened. And now Tuesday. And, you know, there’s work to be done. I don’t screw around during the week – not even when there is chintzy tinsel to mockingly hang. There’s a time and a place, and that time and place involves egg nog, Mariah Carey’s All I Want for Christmas, and at least two people who love each other. Or something.

Which might explain why, when I walked into the living room this morning to find C DECORATING OUR CHRISTMAS TREE WITHOUT ME, I instantly felt the anger rush to my face. It was bad enough he went and picked out the tree himself…and now he was going to decorate it himself, too? When it was ME who insisted we get a tree, and when it was ME who picked out all the ornaments, and it was ME who slaved over the hardest decision of the holidays: silver or gold? (As you know, I picked silver, obviously.)

He had the lights strung, and 75% of the ornaments hung, when I walked into the room and screeched: WHAT ARE YOU DOOOOOIIIIIIINNNGGGGG?!?!?!?

Poor guy. This guy really has it in for him with me, doesn’t he?

Either way, I suddenly felt like I was being left out of my own holiday tradition, and my instant reaction was to be a huge bitch. (No sugar coating cookies here.)

And while you might be able to have those kinds of mini inappropriate explosions in private, you simply can’t run around blurting out whatever you think in your professional life.

Bottom line: It’s the holidays, and there’s a lot of pressure around the holidays. You know it, I know it, and Santa, that troublemaker, knows it, too.

You’re going to be feeling it from your business, trying to get everything done before you’re off; you’re going to be feeling it from your clients, trying to get everything THEY need done before THEY’RE off; you’re going to be feeling it from your family, trying to accommodate everyone’s wishes; and you’re going to be feeling it from yourself, angry when you’re sitting there working instead of decorating the god damn tree.

Two solutions:

1. I already mentioned the egg nog, right? CHECK.

2. Click to download this free prezzie, from me to you: It’s a (100% free) downloadable collection of holiday script templates Jess and I wrote just for you, to help you navigate your most stressful holiday situations like a graceful little turtle dove. (Assuming turtle doves are more graceful than actual turtles.) It’s also really effing pretty. And sparkly. AND I TOLD YOU I WASN’T HOLDING BACK.

It includes some fun scripts that’ll help you:

• Elegantly tell a client you’ll be taking (way the fuck off) for the holidays
• Explain that there’s an additional fee for things like emergency holiday rush projects
• Recover when you totally drop the ball and miss that deadline because you got way too carried away building your 5 story gingerbread house.

And more. Because after all, even business owners need a holiday. Hopefully these scripts will help you take yours…guilt free.

And now, I’m off to rip down all of the ornaments and REDECORATE THE TREE.