STOP Chasing Confidence

I have always been an under-confident girl in my childhood. In some ways, I still am. The “Stop Being Shy ” and ‘Be Confident’ advice from my parents, friends and teachers didn’t help me one bit. I have always been an introvert, feel drained while talking to people and always feel recharged when alone.

I think we need to stop chasing self confidence. Of course it’s nice to be a bold and confident woman who is life of every party, but what if you ain’t cut for it?

Let’s stop being critical and become compassionate. The pressure to be above average, if not something unique, is daunting. We need to be kind to others and ourselves too.

Don’t let anyone bully you. Don’t give others a chance to decide for you. And most importantly, Do not let anyone treat you like shit or demean you.

Do things which make you happy. If you like reading novels, read them. If you are fond of swimming , then do it. Do things which make you happy. And most importantly respect yourself. Atleast for me, Self respect and self compassion holds more importance.

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Published by Sneha

Sneha is an award-winning blogger and has also been featured in Deccan Chronicle newspaper. She left her job at IBM India to venture into blogging in 2018. This blog is India's Feminist and Personal Development blog for women and focuses on self-improvement and self-acceptance.
She is an introvert and at the same time an Empath, hence she finds socialising mentally exhausting. You will find her either binging on some fiction or sleeping.
View all posts by Sneha

One thing. With good intentions, people have encouraged others to examine their feelings and look for their identities. I explained to one individual while talking with a friend (His store). You don’t have to find yourself. You’re right there. Now, work hard, take care of family, and the rest will work itself. It’s called life. We never have the whole picture, just one day at a time.

To some degree, I think we have been taught to overthink everything. While awareness and education about circumstances is good, I have met people who seem completely emersed in their situations. We understand, some have gone through very trying times, and we hope for them and support their efforts. But many, when they see positive opportunities, pull back and stay in their difficult times, and we wish they would look beyond and what can be. Sometimes, I wonder if it’s a choice we have to make inside. I have known people who have gone through what would “emotionally destroy” many, but came through with hope and determination, love and direction.

Life is difficult. Hopefully, with time, each person better understands their own personal circumstances, then takes on the challenges of life in a positive way. Like many, I have had my own challenges, then I’ve decided, with time, to look forward to the future.

I have been told that I should go out and meet people and talk more as well. It never worked for me. I was also told that I would grow out of being shy. That never happened. I am 29 and still feel drained of energy when talking to people.
My day job requires me to talk to people. When I’m not working, I spend my time at home avoiding people. I have accepted it’s who I am. I would rather be watching tv and spending time with my puppy. If I do need company, it is only with one person.
I am glad I am not alone

Exactly. I have always been told to go out and try to make friends. It just doesn’t work for me because I am not someone who can be pally or just cling to anyone. I need to know someone really well to even imagine to start a convo with him/her. People need to accept others the way they are.

Actually, for a lot of people, it’s not who they are. I understand that stress can cause people to find their identity in secluded ways. And for those who are naturally shy or introverted, or simply find alone time more natural, that makes sense, but finding one’s own interests in whatever one enjoys is natural too. I think the difficulty is not finding the joy which should be a part of life, in whatever capacity.

Yes. I wasn’t always shy. It built over time after I lost friends, my body changed and I started being bullied. That is when it became a part of me. I now don’t do well with many people. I only like the company of certain people

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A lot of us passed thru the same stage. Essense is to insulate one from external influence and opinions and listen to your heart. Caring too much about what other will say, will make life miserable. It’s human nature to be influenced by what others will say, as we are social beings by nature. Work towards learning to ignore and one can fine peace and balance.

So true. That’s why Self -love is crucial. I came across few lines by Joybell which is apt for this – “You may be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don’t know it, all of that doesn’t even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment you use to criticize yourself is a moment of your life wasted”

Dear Sneha,
You have very correctly brought out the solution to such a complex issue with such simplicity…
The biggest challenge in our life is to get disturbed and disheartened about what others have to say or think about us..
However as you said.. we need to start loving and respecting ourselves and not bother about others’ opinion..
Right way to go 👍👍👍

Every human being, rather every living being is UNIQUE !
Since there is no assembly line production.. hence there is no question of conformity..!
Conformity/comparison with peers.. is OPTIONAL !
Learn to be comfortable in your own skin.. as the creator made ‘YOU’ !
Cherish & live every single moment the maker (the Almighty..) has blessed you with..!
That.. is the best way you can Re-Pay “Him” for this priceless ‘Gift’ ! 👃

Well said Sneha! Whether a person is an introvert or extrovert, shy or bold etc etc what is to be understood is that human being is a creation of nature’s forces and environment both internally and externally over which it has not control. Therefore, like you said, love yourself as you are and love others as they are

You have put it across so beautifully. Absolutely. Infact Introverts value their space, so they tend to naturally respect that of others. What is important is to stop being judgemental and to accept people the way they are.

Totally agree with you. My son is the same and for many years we would pester him to go out & meet people. All that probably imposed greater pressure on him. Better sense has now prevailed on us ( foolish parents). He is happier & more composed now. Thanks for your insight. Stay blessed always.

Thank you so much for taking out time to read my blog and give your feedback. Absolutely, that’s what use to happen with me. My parents, though absolutely wonderful and loving, could never understand why I am so shy and a loner as both of them are extroverts . And as a result, I always felt different and odd-one-out. Now , I have just accepted myself the way I am.

Nicely expressed thoughts and views Sneha.
It’s nice that you are open about it…I am a shy and a bit of a loner too.
Yes it’s important that we respect people for what they are and let them be.
Your opening up which is simply great!

Thank you 🙂 This means a lot.
Exactly, we need to stop being judgemental and accept people the way they are .
Thank you aunty for taking out time to read my blog, for writing a comment and encouraging me . Much love 🙂

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Great read and very relatable. I was very shy growing up and definelty an introvert, I still am in a sense. Over the years I’ve grown out of it but I am still reserved when around certain individuals. Keep up the good work

I am quite the introvert, shy and silent type since childhood and still one in today’s adulting phase. People keep telling to be bold but what matters doing things that slowly help us to affirm your identity. Very courageous of you to write and with so much honesty, Sneha. Keep it up!

Exactly! Just bcz we are introverts doesn’t mean we are sad, lonely or have no friends. Just that we feel exhausted going to parties and socializing all day. I would any day prefer to be in my home, inside my razaai, with a novel.

I have never gone to any party other than the formal army ones that too with my parents. I just can’t socialise with ppl. I any day prefer being in my cozy home tucked inside my blanket with my fave novel 😛