Purple Tentacle Presents Another Great Text File From...
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▄▄▄▄▄██▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄██▄▄▄▄▄ N A R C H I S T S A N O N Y M O U S
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6:25pm o1-24-1994
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Table of Contents¨
Introduction.....................................1
Outside the House................................2
The Pool.........................................3
Inside the Garage................................4
Front Entrance...................................5
Living/Family Room...............................6
Kitchen..........................................7
Basement.........................................8
Bedrooms.........................................9
Necessary Equipment.............................10
Conclusion/Greets...............................11
End Contents¨
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Page One....Introduction
Glad you decided to join us in another text from Purple Tentacle. This one is
entitled " Stuff you can do in a vacant house". This text and the ideas are
used when you find out somebody has gone on vacation and left all their
valuables at their home, and you then gather a group of friends and get in the
house, and then...well, that's where you decide what to do.
This is divided into a series of parts; actually rooms, for easier anarchy
and quicker fun. So while your editing this you can just search for your title,
and know what to do. At the end of the text, there is a list of equipment you
will need to perform these ideas successfully. It also tells you how to build
'em so you CAN do the ideas. Have a blast...
Actually, when I was thinking of writing this text, is was simply going to
be a walk-thru, and then you would follow it around the house. But that wasn't
too creative, and the idea kinda sucked. So I have changed it to a kind of
"multiple choice" text, so you can have more fun!
Note: This text has been written based on the fundamental house design. Some
of the rooms may not be in the house you're in, and some rooms may not be disc-
ussed in this text because of lack of anarchial possibilities. Be creative!
Also, some rooms were totally pointless to put in with the text, such as a
laundry room. ( WOW! The anarchy is just rolling in there! )
DISCLAIMER: Don't come crying to me saying I told you to do it.
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Page Two....Outside the House
1. Tear all flowers and other plants out of the ground. Make the gardens look
like a shithole, and then, just for fun, put the flowers in upside down or
in the mailbox. You can also kill about three or four cats and put them in
the garden with the heads sticking out and the rest of the body covered in
dirt and soil.
2. With your trusty knife scrape interesting anarchy signs and other pictures
into the paint on the garage. If you want you can scrape all the paint off
and remove the wheels that make the garage door open and close, so it just
kinda falls on the next person who opens it. If the garage is wooden, just
burn it. (WARNING: If you are going to burn it, burn it AFTER you raid the
house, so the cops come later and you get something out of it.)
3. Spray paint the house. Write a lot of vulgarities, such as mother jokes or
death and rape threats. If you are going to write rape threats, be certain
it's the correct sex your addressing, or else it's written proof that your
a faggit. Use black spray paint on the windows, and make sure you destroy,
or at least get rid of, the can when your done or fingerprints will lead a
little path towards your house.
4. Coat the doorhandles with vaseline and fill the locks with superglue. This
way nobody can get in without velcro gloves and a portable ram. This idea,
along with #2, should only be used after you have raided the house. If its
used before you raid, you won't be able to get in either.
5. Smash the windows, using the nearest garbage can or heavy object. You can
even use your head if you want, but I advise against. Use the glass so you
can cut abusive words and pictures into the siding and/or wood. Then throw
all the glass at the family's cat or dog.
6. If there is siding on the side of the house, tear it off and stuff it all
down the chimney. This idea is most useful in the winter time because the
fireplace is used most often then, and the smoke from the fire won't be able
to escape through the chimney, so it comes back down and fills the house,
suffocating the people inside. If there isn't any siding, just brick, then
kill a cat or dog and stuff the animal down the chimney instead.
7. Remove the fence and move it to a seperate, more inconvienient spot on the
property, such as around the front door or the garage. Even around the dog
house, so the furry little shit can't get out. You can play fun games if you
trap the dog inside the dog house. ( See next idea )
8. If you happen to fence the dog in his/her house, use the remaining poles and
play the following game, entitled: Blind Man's Pinada.
NUMBER OF PLAYERS: 2 to 6
OBJECT: To kill the dog.
HOW TO PLAY: Each person takes a turn of stabbing the fence pole
through the roof of the dog house, until somebody fatally spears the
dog. That person would then win.
BONUS: Any person who spears it but doesn't kill it, get's a free turn.
There is also a prize for whoever spears the dog the most without
killing it.
9. Before you read this idea, let me warn you that although this works quite
well, it isn't the most pleasant thing to do. Say you have nothing to do,
and a lot of money, and your REALLY itching to fuck up this house, go down
to your local farmhand store, or white rose, or whatever, and buy lots of
huge bags of cow manuer. Now, during the nightime, visit their house and
get all the manuer out of the bags, and pack it solid against the front
door. There is usually some kind of small shelter in front of the door, so
this helps. Next put some worms in it, so it keeps fresh for a while. Just
for an added touch, put a white bed sheet over the part that would be seen
by the public. Hell, you can even put some dead animals in their, so the
soil stays fresh. If you have anything left, put in on the back door.
10. Coat the house in gasoline and burn it. Not an easy task, I know, but if
you manage to get into the house, you pour gasoline everwhere, including
the hot furnace. Now, after trailing the gasoline through the house, trail
it out in the garage, and light the trail of gasoline. Now run. Make sure
before doing this that nobody sees you. Also, if you want anything out of
this, take some stuff from the house while you're in it.
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Page Three....The Pool
1. Throw many black garbage bags and garbage cans in the pool. The next time
the owner(s) use the pool, it'll be like swimming in shit! Just so it takes
a lil bit longer, cut large holes it the garbage bags, and take the lids off
of the garbage cans, so the garbage leeks out and spreads throught out the
pool.
2. Kill some animals, such as cats, dogs, chipmunks, birds, etc., and throw
them in the pool. When the next person uses the pool, watch the expression
on his/her face! It'll be hilarious, especially if it's a woman, because
they are a little more caring towards the safety of animals. If you get alot
of animals,pile them up inside the changing hut, so you can carry out both
idea #1 and #2.
3. Pour oil in the pool and light it, followed by throwing live cats into the
massive flame. It's also fun to get a group of cats and a group of friends,
tie the cats to a piece of wood or something that floats, and have bets, to
see which cat can safely float from one end of the flaming pool to the other
without dieing.
4. Beat the shit out of all the mechanical equipment that works the pool. For
example, bust up the filter with a wrench or a chainsaw, and that long thing
that crawls around the pool. Take all the filters and shit and sell em to a
pawn shop or something, so you can make money out of all this.
5. Clog up the filters and the water pumps with tremendous amount of wood and
metals. Hopefully, the overflow will cause a large explosion, which in turn,
if the equipment is placed beside each other, will cause a chain reaction of
pool equipment bursting into flames. To make sure the explosion does
somethin I recommend a large coating of gasoline or gunpowder.
6. Remove the covering of the pool before a large storm of wind, rain, and/or
snow. This way, all the shit in the air will be in the pool. If it happens
to be a snow storm, and the next day you find some yellow snow on the ground
(don't ask me how you'd do this) somehow move the yellow snow into the pool.
When the snow melts, the piss will contaminate the pool. If you want, you
can piss in the pool too.
7. Buy a whole bunch of pucks full of rat poison or something toxic,and replace
the chlorine in the water pumper with the rat poison, or whatever you bought
or stole. Hopefully one of the people who use the pool will accidentally
swallow some water, and die.
8. Remove the parts in the front of their car, (see Page 4 #2) and chuck them
in the pool. Immediately, those parts will be ruined, and the weight will
make them hard to remove. This will also ruin the car.
9. If you can, hotwire the car and drive the whole car into the pool.
I know this sounds difficult, but if you can it's absolutely the best.
While your at it, drive over the garden or through the back door. This works
best in a country home, because the next door neighbours are four miles
away, and nobody will see you.
10. Find the local asshole, and ambush him. Tie him up, put him in a bag, and
throw him in the pool. Make sure he/she doesn't know who you are, incase
he/she escapes. Ranked most outrageous and stupid idea by Purple Tentacle.
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Page Four....Inside the Garage
1. Pour all the chemicals in the garage on the ground, and don't let any of
them escape. (By saying "escape" i mean get out the garage. If there's a car
in there, open it up and puncture the engine,the carburator, and the gas
tank.This way all the fluid and gasolines will flow on to the ground and mix
with the other chemicals. Now, take a plaster gun, close all the entrances
to the garage, and seal the edges of those entrances with plaster. By the
time the owner opens the garage, the fumes will have built up so much, that
he will suffocate within a matter of minutes. What's that you say? What if
he doesn't stay in the garage? Well, curiosity killed the cat, and it will
kill the owner too. He/she will probably stay to inspect the liquids on the
floor, and not notice the invisible fumes in the ground. Just for extra fun
set up a tight tripwire that goes across the garage just behind the door, so
when the owner steps into the garage, he/she will trip, fall, and maybe even
go unconcious because of the large unexpected hit of their head on the floor
This will almost guarantee suffocation, because while the owner is knocked
out the fumes will enter his nose and mouth, and kill him/her.
2. Remove all the frames from any bicycles in the garage and use them to smash
up the car, if there is a car, that is. If not, then just use the frames to
break into the house or damage pool equipment. Don't forget to wash off the
fingerprints!
3. Remove the wheels of the garage door, and make it so the garage door will
topple over and crush somebody the next time it's tried to be opened. You
can do this by using a wrench, probably found in the garage, and removing
all the nuts and bolts that attach the garage to anything stable. It will
just sit there until somebody tries to move it, and SPLAT.
4. If there is a car in the garage, you can have a lot more fun that meets the
eye. Most of the time, there are bottles of spray paint and/or chemicals on
a shelf at the back or in a closet somewhere. Use them to spray paint stuff
on the surface and the inside of the car, that is, unless you want the car.
5. Blow it up. Be sure that nobody sees you entering the garage or leaving the
garage, or you'll be in jail and in debt quite a while. A useful bomb would
be a series of overloaded time bombs. (see end of text for instructions.)
6. If you want more ideas on how to fuck up the car specifically, read Guile's
text CARKILL.TXT.
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Page Five...Front Entrance
1. Destroy everything that's breakable, just to add some more cost to the owner
and his insurance. Closets, mirrors, windows, flower pots, whatever's break-
able. Now, I bet your thinking "What about all the noise that would attract
neighbors?" Well, I have your solution. Cover the windows and any glass with
duct tape, and then smash it. The duct tape will silence the noise, and it
will make almost the same sound as if you dropped a box of pins.
2. Burn the carpet and all the coats that may be hanging in the closet. This
one is just add on some extra cost to the insurance bill when the owner gets
back from his vacation. Be creative; burn a neat symbol into the carpet by
pouring some lighter fluid, (or gas from the garage/car,) and lighting it.
Extinguish it as soon as it hits the ground and singes the picture into the
carpet, or a flame will catch the whole carpet and the design won't be
recognizable.
3. Use a long pole or something heavy to create large, massive holes in the
floor and then dump all the furniture in the hole. This may sound hard, but
if you brake away the floor in the between the studs, a gaping hole will
appear so you can throw miscellaneous shit down there.
4. Using the same principals as idea number 3 on page 3, (the garage door,)
this idea, unhinge the front door and prop it up so the slightest touch will
knock it over and cause some unexpected damage to the next person who
touches it. A smalll puddle of oil or grease outside the door adds to the
phun, because who ever is the next person to approach the door will slip,
hit their head on the ground, and hit the door with their feet, which would
then make the door fall on top of them.
5. Just simply spray painting all valuable possesions and everything else in
the hall with red paint can cause severe costs to the owner and severe
enjoyment, and some welcome laughs, to you. Spray paint different designs,
phrases, or a big anarchy symbol on everything, including walls.
6. Remove the numbers on the front of the house and switch them around with the
other numbers on the house, or make three different houses in a row have the
same number! To really confuse some unsuspecting others use the phone in the
empty house and order pizza, chinese, and really expensive steak, ( and lots
of it, too! ) for the number house that you have made three of. For example,
if you switched the houses #'s with somebody elses and eventually made it so
that there were three houses in a row that had number 52, and ordered three,
or two, or however many you want, different types of food to numbere 52, the
delivery people would get really confused!
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Page Six....Living/Family Room
1. Steal all the TVs, VCRs, Radios, etc. and make sure the room is bone dry.
The owners will probably want to come back from there vacation and watch
the dumb videos they made on their TV, but darn! It's not gonna be there!
Just so they have to go through more trouble, snap all the incoming TV wires
and tie them together. Make sure that you take all the connecting wires that
YOU will need to watch it, or else stealing it was pointless.
*WARNING* You may want to have a getaway car ready, because it doesn't look
too good when a group of kids are walking out of a dark house and
carrying TVs.
2. If you don't want the electronics, ( only god knows why,) just trash them. A
swift kick to the front of the screen will cause some problems. If you want,
you can create a large explosing by smashing the front of nething electrical
and throwing it in the sink, which you have already filled with water. Stand
back.
3. Burn all the furniture and smash everything in the house. Knock over stuff
flip over couches, break stools and small tables, etc. I know this is very
basic but it is probably the most enjoyable thing to do in this whole text
file.
4. With help from some friends, throw all the furniture down into the basement
or put it in front of every possible entrance to the house. That way nobody
can get into the house and the owners will probably have to wait a while in
one of those shelters, until the pigs can stop thinking of donuts and start
thinking about how to get into the house! BTW:You may want to think of ways
to get out of the house before you do this, because you yourself may become
trapped!
5. If you have A LOT of nails and A LOT of friends and A LOT of time and a
small hammer, you can really have some phun. While you're standing on a
chair, lift a small chair, (just for starters) and put it upside down on
the ceiling, and then hammer and nail it so it stays there. This is where
your friends come in and help, incase you haven't noticed. Eventually, after
you do it to everything in the house, it will look like the whole place is
upside down, and it just might send the owner crazy.
6. Clear all the furniture out of the room and do whatever else it takes to
make a lot of room. Now go kill a cat or something with blood and bring it
back to the house. Draw a large pentagram on the ground with the blood and
put six of your candles (hell, everybody carries candles!) on the six points
of the big pentagram. Now you can worship Satan, but you don't have to.
You can just leave it there and make the neighbours and the next person who
enters sick.
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Page Seven....Kitchen
1. Steal everything you can get your hands on. Cutlery, Microwaves, even a damn
fridge can be taken if you have the proper transportation. Hell, if you had
enough time you could take the tiles on the ground! But if you're gonna take
some stuff, I advise plates and cutlery, especially silver and china.
2. Throw some metal tins and cans in the microwave, and set the timer for about
ten minutes. This should give you enough time to lead a trail of gasoline to
the furnace from the microwave, so a large explosion goes off and levels the
house while you run away. If you enter twenty minutes, you can trail gas all
the way to the furnace, the microwave, AND the garage where most of the chem
stuff is stored.
3. Remove all the food from the fridge and replace it with some small animals
and children. They don't have to be dead, just immobilized so they dont go
and squirm and scream. A simple way to do this is push a pillow over their
face until they go unconcious.
4. If there isn't enough room in the fridge for the kids/animals, cut them in
to little bits and hang them from the ceiling. ( idea courtesy of Cannibal
corpse t-shirt. BUY IT! ) Kids are recommended.
5. Cover all the food in the house with rat poison, or something toxic and
inconspicuous, like the imfamous Iocaine powder. ( No smell, taste, and
dissolves instantly in water..if you can find any tell me! ) Now devise
a way to blame it on the deceased's spouse, ( like a suicide note or an
elaborate puzzle.)
6. If there are any things in the house that would fit in the microwave or
the stove, such as as statues or china plates, this idea is a quick and
easy way to cause expense to the owner(s). Put all the small stuff into
the microwave and/or stove, and melt them until it is about half melted
and half of it is just soft. Now put it back to it's orginal space, and
try to imagine how long it will take the owner(s) to realize that those
objects have been severly damaged.
7. Set it on fire. Simple, yet effective, because once the kitchen is in a
blaze, the rest of the house will burn down with it, because there are
always doors that enter the kitchen that allow you to enter from all of
the surrounding rooms. ( That's scientific. )
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Page Eight....The Basement
1. Luckily, there will be a workroom in the basement..you know, where the
power tools are stored. If there is one, remove all the power tools and
especially the extension cord(s), if there are any. Now plug the tools
into the wall with the extension cord, and calmly, and as quietly as
you can, begin to cut away the foundations of the house. ( If you hear
creaks directly above you..look out. )
2. Usually, the owner(s) will have put the stereo equipment in the basement.
Take it. And don't give it back. Maybe sell it. But don't give it back.
3. If there is a bathroom, laundry room, and/or sink in the basment, you're
in luck. If you simply clog the drain with someone or something, the sink
will start to overflow, and eventually flood the house. If you just HAPPEN
to have ripped open something electrical, like a socket, and exposed some
wires, the water will probably cause an electrical fire, and explosion, and
then the fire will travel all the way through the house via the electric
wires and fuse box. Wow, the things a sink can do.
4. Sometimes people who are of European backgroud keep a liquor cabinet in the
basement, or a bar, or something to that matter. Knock yourself out! Have
3 or 4 beers, some wine, whiskey, order some pizzas with all the spare
change or sold stereos. Always remember, IT ISN'T YOURS SO IT'S NOT YOUR
LOSS!
5. Maybe some neat looking rugs and/or priceless vases, etc. have been placed
in your new house. :) These would look good on your property, wouldn't they?
Especially in the form of 3-digit bills! If you don't get my drift already,
steal them and sell them in a pawn shop.
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Page Nine....The Bedrooms
1. If you begin in the Children's Bedroom, set fire to all their toys. This
minor anarchial prank will cause complete distress to the little shits and
maybe even drive the parents insane, or drive them to drinking or slaying
the children.
2. Again, if you're in the kids room, and there are some story books lying on
the shelves, take a pen and one of the books, and begin to re-write the
story, using word substitution. For example, take the sentence from the
ever-popular Green Eggs and Ham " I will not eat green eggs and ham." Now
cross it out and write " Get that fuckin shit out of my face, asshole! "
Get my drift?
3. If you happen to have some kind of drugs and/or cigarettes on you, you can
plant the cigarettes/drugs in the kiddies room. Make sure it's some place
where the kid will find it, and not the parent. Once the kid sees it, and
reads the little note you attached that says SMELL ME, he/she will probably
sniff the white powder, resulting in instant addiction. Later on in the week
after the kids sniffs the coke, ( or whatever drug,) confront the kid and
tell him/her that if they go and steal stuff from their parents that they
can have some more! From there on, it's all up to you. I suggest swapping
sugar with cocaine after the child has gotten addicted, so you get the real
stuff and the kid gets the sugar.
4. Put some bullets in the little kids room, or some guns or some pornos or
something that would get the kid in deep shit. Either in deep shit or in
the family's honour roll, depending on the sexual preferences and tastes
of the father(s) and mother(s). ;)
5. Spray paint SATAN IS SLEEPING BESIDE and such ideas on the kids wall, with
some red spray paint. If you know the name(s) of any siblings, you could
write I HATE (siblings name) and (siblings name) SHALL DIE THIS NITE AND
I SHALL EAT HIS HEART!!!!
6. When in the adult bedroom, you can really fuck up somebody's marriage life
by placing a different size bra/panties in the male's cupboard, and leaving
a note that says " Thanks for the wonderful night...don't tell your wife and
I won't tell mine." Hehehehe...
7. Switch the clothing and "little toys" and anything else that can be found in
the female's drawers and closet with all the clothing and "little toys" that
are found in the male's drawers and closet. This won't look too healthy when
the kids come in and see daddy in scantyhose!
8. Wire the house with bombs.
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Page Ten....Necessary Equipment
(IN ORDER SEEN IN TEXT)
1. ITEM: Swiss Army Knife
PAGE: One
IDEA: #2
WHERE IT CAN BE FOUND: Canadian Tire, any Hunting Store
2. ITEM: Red Spray Paint
PAGE: One
IDEA: #3
WHERE IT CAN BE FOUND: Canadian Tire, a bike shop
3. ITEM: Vasoline
PAGE: One
IDEA: #4
WHERE IT CAN BE FOUND: A Drug Store, or the local Child Molester :)
4. ITEM: Superglue
PAGE: One
IDEA: #5
WHERE IT CAN BE FOUND: A bike repair shop, Canadian Tire
5. ITEM: Monkey Wrench
PAGE: One
IDEA: #7
WHERE IT CAN BE FOUND: Canadian Tire, Auto Body Shop
6. ITEM: Gasoline
PAGE: One
IDEA: #10
WHERE IT CAN BE FOUND: Any Gas Station, Siphoned from a Car
7. ITEM: Gunpowder
PAGE: Three
IDEA: #5
HOW TO CREATE GUNPOWDER:
a) Necessary Equipment: Potassium Nitrate (75%)
Charcoal (15%)
Sulfer (10%)
b) Procedure: First, grind each of the substances into a fine powder. MAKE
SURE THIS IS DONE SEPERATE FROM EACH OF THE OTHER POWDERS!
Second, mix the fine powders together and place anywhere you
want. If you want to have some way of lighting it from a far
away place, coat a rope in gas and stick the rope in the gun
powder, and light the end of it.
9. ITEM: Lockpick
PAGE: Five
IDEA: ( Necessary to enter the house.)
WHERE ONE CAN BE FOUND: A simple hairpin will probably do the job quite well
although some locks won't be broken so easy. Cthulu
has a text with a detailed description on it.
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GREETZ!
ANARCHIAL ARTIST: I did it! I finshed my texts!
GUILE: Nutcase is so cool! I wanna be just like his track-panted shitface self!
OBI WAN KENOBI: Lucky ass motherfucker! Gimme yer computer!!! :)
SUNLORD: How long does it take to get the goddamn reader done?!?
PANiC: I'd start to PANiC if I was in yer group!! Hahahahah!
CTHULU: Your slayer patch is falling off!
CORRIE: You are the goddess of all living creatures, and your beauty will never
be matched.
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Watch for Purple Tentacle's New Adventure/Mystery arriving in the Summer, named
SHERLOCK: THE CROWN VS. DOCTOR WATSON
Thousands of choices, ANSi Graphics, Sound, and even a SAVE/LOAD game feature!!