Obviously, I was going to have to fake an interview with Cutler, just to be fair to everybody. Except those insignificant dweebs, Moody and Scott.

ME You're being sued for billions of dollars by investors in a bankrupt mortgage company you helped direct. You keep engaging in paranoid rants about how your opponents are plotting against you. You've spent less time in Maine in the past decade than the Asian long-horned beetle. You've got a personality that makes Michael Vick's pit bulls look cuddly. Why am I getting a Donald Trump vibe?

CUTLER "It's probably my weird hair. I comb it like that to cover the scar where the Chinese implanted the microchip." His campaign later issued a clarification indicating Cutler combs his hair that way because he thinks it makes him look more like a lifelong independent, instead of the Democrat he really was. The microchip scar is actually behind his left ear.

ME How can you win the governor's race with all that baggage?

CUTLER "Nobody pays attention to any of it. They're too busy arguing about whether LePage will show up at the next debate and if he does whether he'll be armed with a soda bottle full of common household chemicals."

Maybe that's the whole problem with this gubernatorial campaign. Voters such as yourself are easily distracted by angry white men carrying explosives and other insignificant crap.

You don't believe that's true?

You read this whole column, didn't you?

Combustible comments can be sealed in plastic bottles and sent to me. Or you can just e-mail them toaldiamon@herniahill.net.

District 7 endorsement: Vote Tito Thirty-five-year-old Tito Jackson, a former economic development official in Governor Deval Patrick's administration, is the candidate most deserving of District 7's votes.

Split atop the RI Tea Party The Rhode Island Tea Party, a right-wing assemblage best known for its tax day rally against government spending on the State House steps, was until recently run by three women — Colleen Conley, Marina Peterson and, to a lesser degree, Nan Hayden. But no more.

A lawyer’s adventures in bad judgment People who know Keven McKenna know he is not a stupid man. Whether or not the Providence attorney, ex-state representative, and Harold Stassen of Providence mayoral races uses good judgment is another question.

Gifts of the magi OK, so math isn't Poliquin's strong point. And he's a little shaky on consistency. But are those minor flaws enough to convince Santa to leave coal in his stocking?

Ready to rumble Last summer, the upcoming race that got most Bay State politicos salivating was the run for governor.

GOP’s state convention delivers the bland brand Massachusetts Republican candidates for office this November might be well-advised to legally change their names and appear on the ballot as “Someone Else,” “Another Option,” or “Available Alternative.”

Library woes In an attempt to save four Boston Public Library branches that are slated to close due to budget shortfalls, some state legislators from Boston have threatened to block all state funding the library receives if it shutters any of its 26 branches.

Obama’s State of the Union explained President Barack Obama's State of the Union speech left many commentators scratching their heads. In their view, Obama was admirably long on uplift but mysteriously short on specifics.

Protect teachers' pensions Our governor proposes more money for K-12 education, no cuts in funding for higher education, and increased funding for Medicaid. Good for almost everyone. He also promises to lower the personal state income tax for upper-income earners, and to eliminate the estate tax. Better for the already fortunate.

SMILING FACES | November 03, 2014 In an attempt to ease the state’s severe cognitive-dissonance shortage, the arbiters of good taste have spent this election season beseeching candidates to practice both civility and sincerity.

REASON HIDDEN | October 24, 2014 Late last year, Michaud publicly acknowledged his homosexuality. The experts were quick to claim it wouldn’t be a big factor in the gubernatorial race.

SOMETHING BORROWED, SOMETHING BLUE | October 16, 2014 Want to save the taxpayers of Maine over $60 million? It’s so simple even somebody with no political skills at all can do it.