I doubt it was intentional on Annie's part. Just a function of poor planning. However, that doesn't make it any less rude considering OP expressly told Annie that they needed to eat early. It was also really rude not to apologize and say goodbye. Annie's not good with schedules, fine, but she should've acknowledged the inconvenience.

Well, Joe and I are good friends so I doubt he and I will have any lingering issues over this. Annie and I never liked each other much in the first place, although I've really been trying to be friends for DH's and Joe's sake.

Logged

"From a procrastination standpoint, today has been wildly successful."

Some people just aren't schedule people. I don't have kids but I keep to a pretty regular schedule in my aspects of life. My BFF has a baby and once I just casually asked if she had gotten a schedule now due to the baby and whoa you'd think I asked if she planned on farming her kid out for Ebola virus experiments! She was offended at the very idea! She is adamant that her kid fit into her (and her DH's) lifestyle and not the other way around (a concept I generally agree with with, I had just been curious as I wasn't sure if things like schedules were something one could do that with... but maybe her kid came out used to it since when she was pregnant she didn't keep to a schedule either so even in-utero the kid was "eating" and "sleeping" at random times daily.)

Although in theory I like the idea of fitting the baby around the parents' lifestyle, a lot of it depends on the child, too. My son does much better on a schedule, but I have a friend whose toddler does fine without one. When you have a cranky toddler at 8:30 p.m., there's no much you can do to force him to go out to dinner even if that's what you want to do. So we compromise in order to continue with some aspects of our lifestyle. For example, if we want to go out later at night, we leave him at home with a babysitter. If we want to do something during his naptime, then we know to take his stroller so he can sleep in the stroller.

I'm not a schedule person either, but when Boo Bear started sleeping at a certain time in the afternoon and falling asleep at a certain time in the evening, with general crankiness when he was hungry, a schedule grew out of that

Yes, this is what happened to my DS. He got consistently cranky if he is not fed by certain times or if he was not asleep by a certain time at night. If we kept him up past a certain time at night, not only would he get super cranky that night, he wouldn't get a good night sleep and would be super cranky the next day, too.

I'm disappointed that your DH didn't have your back in this, and that he suggested YOU would be rude to take your son home.

He has a skewed view of what's "rude", so I never really take his word on that. He did apologize profusely that we didn't get to eat and the night was kind of a flop, so I don't really think he did anything wrong.

I was feeling really awkward about leaving, DH went into the kitchen and told Annie and Joe that I was leaving, and they didn't come out of the kitchen or make any acknowledgment. I called out "goodbye" as I left but got no response.

Its this bit that gets to me. Have you spoken to them since? Do you intend to? Because to not even acknowledge you leaving is actually beyond rude, it feels rather passive aggressive.

With me as well. I was okay with what your husband did up till this point. They were rude not to come out and say sorry and have a good night bye. And the husband let them ignore you? Your husband should have left with you after this last bit of rudeness. These are NOT friends.

Well, Joe and I are good friends so I doubt he and I will have any lingering issues over this. Annie and I never liked each other much in the first place, although I've really been trying to be friends for DH's and Joe's sake.

Okay I was going to agree with another poster that it was just poor planning but now, after your latest post, I'm going to side with those that think this was passive-agressive.

Even if she wasn't passive-agressive, she was rude. Rude to have dinner later than 6:30pm (it should NOT have been 6:31pm or later since the timeframe was already discussed to have been of importance - where this is not discussed beforehand, I give 30 minutes leeway in my mind before I start wondering when the food will be ready when I'm being hosted - but others may give more or less leeway in their minds).

She was rude to totally ignore obvious hints that you would have to be wondering, 'When the heck is dinner going to be ready?' and to not apologize for not having dinner ready like she said she would.

She was rude to not tear out of that kitchen with groveling apologies when it was clear you were leaving with sincere promises of making it up to you. No follow-up phone call?

I would have done the same thing by leaving, especially since my oldest was a terror when he was tired and cranky. And while I'd be annoyed at having to leave my groceries, I'd consider it a $15 investment into the School of Experience: lessoned learned - no more plans with Annie that interfere with your family's schedule.

I really don't think it was poor planning. She was prepping for a whole hour after OP arrived, and was still cooking when she left. They didn't eat until exactly when she had originally invited them over. If that was by accident, then the host made serious serious serious miscalculations. I can understand being a half hour or even an hour behind, but this was even more than that & with no explanation of why, not even an "I got home for work late," or "I had to start this step of the dish all over again."

I just had a similar situation where I was the hostess, and our friends coming over had let me know they needed to leave by 8 at the latest to allow their daughter to keep her 8:30 bedtime. Our daughter doesn't have such a strict schedule, but it doesn't matter.

I managed to prep everything from scratch after they arrived* while staying involved in the conversation and still had dinner on the table at 6:30, didn't ask them to bring a thing (though we did enjoy the wine they brought), and they left when they needed to at a little past 8.

(* Normally I'd have at least prepped if not cooked before they arrived but other things got in the way and I knew full prep + cook time was just over an hour.)

I guarantee if things had gone too slowly I would have kept my guests updated and asked if they would like an alternative (ordering takeout, more appetizers while waiting). Even if it's embarrassing to admit my failing as a punctual, organized hostess, it's better than not appearing to be a gracious hostess at all.

OP did the right thing by leaving when necessary. My own impression is that Annie thought OP's child would be as flexible as hers, given the opportunity, so didn't care to stick to an earlier schedule regardless of the agreement. Doesn't excuse it though, definitely a hosting fail on several counts.

(when my first kid was really little, I told the doctor that I had her on a schedule. He said, "Oh?" Yeah, I said--I have a piece of paper, and everytime she does something, I write down what time it is.)

LOL!

As far as whether or not it was poor planning I could see it going either way. If the meal was a roast and Annie severely underestimated how long it would take to cook because she'd never made one or it was significantly larger than she usually fixes, I'd give her that. It happens. If it was something fairly simple like tacos I think most people can judge, within maybe a 20 minute margin of error, how long it's going to take to brown some meat and let it simmer for a bit while the seasoning does its thing, chop the lettuce, shred the cheese, etc. Unless she's really a new cook and this was one of the first few times she'd had people over for dinner. Still, dinner being two hours late? I find it incredibly hard to believe that was a complete honest mistake. I know that if I erred that badly I'd have ordered a pizza for my guests by 7pm and apologized all over the place.

A funny BTDT - DH and I were once invited to dinner for 6:30 so we showed up at about 6. When we arrived our hostess was prepping dinner and she continued to prep dinner for THREE HOURS, no joke! It was chicken breasts baked in some jarred sauce (Nothing against jarred sauce, just mentioning that because it didn't take 3 hours to make the sauce. lol) and two sides - mashed potatoes and a steamed veggie. By the time we ate it was nearly 10pm. That was 20 years ago and I still want to call her and ask "What the heck was up with dinner?" lol

She doesn't like you.She doesn't like your schedule for your son.I believe she had no intention of eating before 8:30.You left, your husband stayed, she won.If you want to keep your friend, you're going to have to put up with her behaviour, there is no etiquette to deal with this.There was nothing you could have done.Personally, I would state all the above facts to my husband, and ask again, "who was rude?"Not you!My sympathies, this is a stinky situation. See your friend, but avoid her. Never eat at their home again, it puts you at her tender mercies.

Many moons ago, when I was very first starting to learn how to entertain in my own home, I had dinner get away from me like this. I was mortified. But the thing is, I didn't leave my guests hanging, and the next day I called to apologize.

If it was just poor planning on Annie's part, it was still rude, and she should have been falling all over herself to get you something, anything, to eat. That she seemed unconcerned with your schedule tells me that it wasn't just poor planning.

You were not rude for leaving early to get DS to bed, but I do think you should have sought your hosts out to say goodnight.

For a moment, let's imagine that it wasn't a toddler needing to stick to a schedule. Suppose it was someone like me who is a diabetic. I have to plan my medications around my meals. If I was told dinner was to be at 6:30 I would have taken my medication between 6:15 and 6:30. I could delay it by half an hour at the most. After that I would have to snack to keep my blood sugar from dropping. One snack because of a delay isn't a problem. If I have to have multiple snacks it throws the balance off and I pay for it the next morning when my blood sugar is higher than normal.

I think if dinner was really getting away from her, she should have quickly scrambled together subs and chips, or other takeout and explained what happened (late from work, etc.). That to me indicates that she was just saying 6:30 and meant 8:30 something. I'm also irked with the OP's husband, as I think he should have left also. That would be having Cake's back.

I'll never forget one Christmas when we (DH, me, and the IL's) were invited over to DH's aunt's house for dinner. I realize that kind of big dinner takes a lot of prep, so when we were told to come at 2:00, we figured eating at 3 at the latest. What happened was even worse than the OP in that there was no prep at all! Not a word about dinner. I was four months pregnant and had a crank of a toddler. Finally about 4:00, I couldn't take it any more and asked my MIL to please ask her sister for some food or we would have to go. We left. I remember we had a whopping spread of ham sandwiches for dinner . I still don't know what was up with that; a misunderstanding?

I brought toppings that required no more than 5 minutes prep, and were not needed for the cooking process. I would have prepped/served them when the time was right, but I didn't want to prep them prematurely and have them sitting out for an unknown period of time.

I did offer to help, twice. The first time, Annie ignored me completely, and the second time, she said no.

I thought about leaving earlier, when it was readily apparent that dinner was not forthcoming anytime soon, but as Son was behaving well at that point it seemed a little abrupt.

I don't know what time they ate, I haven't had a chance to talk to DH. Based on what I saw before I left, I would guess they ate around 8:30.

Annie does have a toddler a few months younger than my son.

Thanks for the answers. Aside from whipped cream, which is the only must be served right now topping that I know of,, I guess the $15 dollars in groceries was for wine?