Archive for September, 2010

Have you ever wondered why guys usually have a “tribe” of sorts with their friends or social groups? How about the trend that many of those guys, though a major part of that tribe, are somehow not close to any of the other guys? Over the course of the last decade or more I have really observed people and their groups. Not just groups, but the behavior in those groups. How they interact, their chemistry, what causes drama in those groups and which ones seem to work the best. On a rare occasion I will run into a group I would describe as “Rat Pack Esq.” I’m referring to, of course, to the original Rat Pack era from the “50’s-60’s.”

What makes them “Rat Pack” material is the hidden code of honor they seem to bring to the table not verbally, but in their behavior and how they interact with others. Allow me to elaborate. Most groups of men have the joker, the leader, a few sheep and perhaps an odd-ball who is somewhat, if not entirely, uncomfortable in his own skin. The common group is always seen at clubs, pubs, bars, and social gatherings. Commonly sharing a corner, a table, and/or a stretch of the actual bar itself. Not unlike the Rat Pack group, except some subtle, but powerful, details.

Like most groups, you will have the leader who will sit back and be cool-like. In primate language he’d be the alpha-male. His sheep will follow and sit back somewhat cool like, but not quite as convincing, and the joker will do his circus act to entertain them with laughter and once in a great while get a set of girls to laugh, but the girls’ interest quickly dies out when they realize that is all he can bring to the table. Most of the “cool guys” of the group will not approach many women and just sit or stand around looking “cool” in hopes they’re cool enough to get some to approach. Some will interact with women, but in many cases they “block” each other from any further interaction with these women outside of the venue they are at. This can be to the fact that they are also not on the same page. Nor on the same playing field. Too many boys in one group and not enough men. How can I tell? The pecking order, the chemistry, the lack of communication. Over time they’ll all go a different way and maybe, maybe have a few moments of “fun” to remember from their common group. Many will try to relive those moments only to be disappointed because of the uneven playing field they’ve created for themselves.

In what ways do they “block” each other from attraction? Or how about the question, “What makes them boys over your so-called ‘Rat Pack Esq’ group?” Let me first start by saying, though I have observed hundreds of groups of people, (Quite literally.) I have also been involved in many myself. And those memories stick to me like glue because I was one of the sheep in many of my common groups, or the joker, and on occasion the leader. Perhaps on only one occasion in my past was I leader. And the one thing I noticed the most when comparing to the other like groups, is the dysfunction of communication. Though I’d say in most cases we were all comrades, we were surely not equals. And if you were the joker or the odd one, you’d simply just try to enjoy what attention you got as everyone fought for validation. We’d joke around and bust on one another like every group of guys does, even in front of strangers and especially in front of women. But if you were at the bottom of the food chain, you’d get the brunt of it, eat it, and pretend to enjoy it for laughs. Show you’re a good sport and such. “Chin up lads.”

Some groups I was in was much more subtle, but nonetheless, when it came to strangers or women we’d fight for that validation. And in other groups, it was like being in a den of thieves, or worse yet, assassins. Betraying one another by plotting or verbally sabotaging each of the other members like a group of gossipy school girls. Which really, that would be more an accurate description of the more poisonous groups I was involved in socially.

Going back to that question, “What makes your “Rat Pack Esq” groups any different? I hinted at it earlier. It’s an unspoken code of honor. An unspoken understanding with an infinite amount of respect for one another. Though they may bust on one another out of jest outside of the audience of strangers, they only praise each other in the company of others. Though they may have a leader, he may be hard to spot for he shares the spotlight with the others. There is so much energy and light amongst the group, its easy to share it. They treat each other as equals and with an abundance of respect. Though many common groups run like a group of pack dogs, these guys run like a tribe not unlike the Spartans from the testosterone inducing film, “300.” Though they may jest, they seek the utmost optimism, and no obstacle will stand in their way for long.

When I mentioned that it may be hard to find the leader, I forgot to mention, it is easy to find the Alpha of the group. Because everyone one of them plays the Alpha role in which they share like a giant German Stein, filled to the brim. They pass it amongst themselves as an offering to Dionysus himself. So is that all that makes them different from other groups? No, not at all. They approach who they deem as “new friends.” Both women and possible future brothers. They watch the behavior of both groups and look for first class kinmanship and weed out any sign of misbehavior. They sever those they see as negative with such a sharp sword that those who are severed don’t even know it. It is not with rebuke, or cold words, but with kind disengagement as they find likeness in other groups.

Does this sound like an unbelievable legend of a “tribe” of men? What I am about to suggest may sound harsh or even a bit blunt. But if what I have just mentioned sounds like an unbelievable group you have either been too involved in your own group or self, or you simply have never experienced it. If ever you enter a club, bar, pub, or social gathering and you see a handful of guys who seem to have the best time, and as the night grows the group gets larger and larger….there is a good chance they are “Rat Pack Esq” and they have only just begun to have a good time.

What I mentioned above is a list of behaviors and generalities that I have both witnessed and been part of both in common groups and the “Rat Pack” group. I also listed the generalities that separate both groups. What I haven’t listed are the actual Laws of Brotherhood that widen the gab of both groups. Tomorrow night Full 1mpact will be meeting to discuss these unwritten, so-called, Laws and debate their importance not only their own lives, but in the lives of past and future “tribes” of their own. Stay tuned as I will post a few of them so you may look for yourself, and see which ones you and your comrades follow…or don’t follow.