24. Chapter 23 - The perks of being shot by a Palauan

Approximately 95 seconds and 4 hours later, I recovered from my incident with a bullet saying hello to my cerebral cortex at speeds well above the healthy limit for bullets to hit your skull. Luckily or in my case unluckily I survived the shot. After all the shit that has gone down over the last several years of my life, I welcomed the embrace of the heartless cold arms of the Grimm Reaper and was quite looking forward to dinner with him and his wife Griselda von Stanislaus the 52nd Duke of Worcestershire Sauce. Apparently she was doing her favourite meatloaf. Oh and she was cooking a lasagne that was well renowned for being relatively edible.

Instead I awoke, regretting all of my life choices, and contemplating jumping off a cliff that I was at the top of. Then I remembered why I had arrived in the first place, for Costa Coffee

I just noticed the way I and the other passengers could get off the deserted island of palau. A large ship with a skull and crossbones flag was approaching the island. The natives who had shot me ran away screaming “PIRATES!”.

This seems like an alright turn of events. Maybe one of them will be able to patch up my still bleeding skull before I pass out

For those of you who didn’t understand my previous joke, it was a reference to her husband’s penis you lobotomized monkey raping shitroaches.