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After the breakup we split our friends straight down the middle. As for the dvds, she got the drama, I got the comedy. If a film had elements of both we rolled a dice. The only thing left was the Sun. I couldn't bear the thought of having to still share the sunlight with her. I did the only thing I could; I journeyed to the centre of the Earth to live out my days in solitude. She could have the Sun.

Sadly I was not the first single man to come up with this idea. At the planet's core I found a city filled with single men. It was a Utopia for the lonely guy. We didn't have to worry about putting the toilet seat down, because there were no toilet seats. A grand statement, flawed only by us having to shit standing up.

In many ways it was paradise, in other ways it was Hell. It was certainly hot enough to be either. It seems that the kind of men who flee below the surface of the world after a breakup are the kind who only talk about being sad and alone. Everyone thinks that their breakup was the worst, and it can get quite annoying. What they don't understand is my breakup really was the worst. She left me for my identical clone.