Tag: Carla Ernst

Carla The Exuberant Chief Communications Officer

Hello, I’m Carla Ernst’s publisher and I’m contacting you because I know she was involved with Bold Blind Beauty. I’m very sorry to tell you that she passed away a couple of days ago.

Carla With Her White Cane

I’d just come home from visiting my friend who was recently diagnosed with cancer. The stress is palpable as I’m working on getting the June edition of CAPTIVATING!issued. I heard the email notification on my cell. Figuring it was one of our CAPTIVATING! team members, I glance at it and the next thing I know I’m screaming.

When anyone calls the Bold Blind Beauty 800 line it automatically sends a transcript of the voicemail. I thought this has to be a mistake when reading the transcript. So I open the email on my 32-inch monitor, then read and re-read the message. Comprehension slowly creeps up on me as my heart is breaking—Carla is gone!

Gosh, just writing this brings it all back—the tears, sorrow, and devastation of losing someone so close to me. While it’s been two weeks since she died a very large part of me still can’t believe she’s gone.

Exhuberant & Extraordinary Carla

I met Carla on November 10, 2016, right here on Bold Blind Beauty. It all began with a comment she left on one of my blog posts:

You look fab Steph! (I’m trusting my sighted girlfriend Ann who told me so). I lost my vision several months ago, but I have not let that negatively impact my sense of fashion one bit. I wear a lot of pencil skirts too, but I’m thinking of upgrading to pen skirts. Way more permanent. These pencil skirts could erase. Which would not be good because they have a no-nudity policy here in Milwaukee.

~ Carla Ernst

How was I to know that this one comment would lead to such an extraordinary friendship? The funny thing is, Carla and I never met in person. Yet this comment was the beginning of something very special. The comment led to an email which in turn led to a phone call that completely changed my life.

It’s so interesting how meaningful relationships can evolve while living in the virtual 24/7 world. My friendship with Carla was such a relationship. From the very beginning, her corny sense of humor was contagious; I remember telling her she should become a standup comedian. In addition to being a person who could make you laugh non-stop, Carla was extremely intelligent and uber professional.

Writer Extraordinaire

My relationship with Carla was life-changing because she clearly understood my passion for advocacy. Because of this understanding, she offered to help me to improve Bold Blind Beauty.

In a matter of months, we consolidated messaging and websites. If you’ve been following Bold Blind Beauty for a while you’ll remember there was a separate online store. The standalone online store was named after Abby our fashion icon. Then there were individual social media platforms for each site which made things a little hairy.

Carla’s offer to create a concise message made me feel a little; no, I was actually extremely uncomfortable. Living on disability means finances are tight and I knew I couldn’t afford her services. Here’s the kicker though: when I told her I couldn’t pay her she said all she wanted to do was to help. Who does this in this day and age?

Carla wasted no time developing a strategy She:

wrote Abby’s story and rewrote my bios (I now have several from which to choose)

hosted two focus groups to gather data to learn more about our audience

As a communications guru, Carla’s passion for writing could only be matched by her advocacy. She had a heart for volunteerism and gave so much of her time and talents to organizations who help improve the lives of others. What’s ironic about me writing this piece is I feel like I cannot do her justice.

What Carla Taught Me

Acceptance has to be one of the most important takeaways from my friendship with Carla. Remember how I said I met her in 2016? It wasn’t until last year that I learned something about Carla that hurt me to the core. Her memoir, Life Without Pockets: My Long Journey Into Womanhood, was a subtle hint.

I read Carla’s book in one sitting. It was excellent. As soon as I finished reading it I called her. While I can’t remember our exact conversation what I do remember is how badly I felt for her. To be clear, learning that Carla was trans was not an issue for me. Instead, I was hurt that she thought if I knew it would turn me against her.

Carla and I would talk on many subjects the majority of which focused on preconceived notions of others. Blindness was a great starting point, I think because of the many metaphors on the topic. For example, when you can’t see how a person looks it doesn’t matter— it’s about character.

However, in Carla’s defense, I get it. Being a member of several marginalized groups myself I understand how much it hurts when people cannot accept you for who you are. The beauty of Carla was that she didn’t place conditions on her friendships. She was 100 percent the real deal and I’m so beyond honored to have known her and call her my friend.

Moving Forward

I talked to Carla two days before she passed away and we had such a great conversation. She wasn’t feeling well; hadn’t been for that entire weekend but she wanted to share some ideas with me.

Being who she was, Carla was also a CAPTIVATING! team member and had big ideas on how we could further impact the world. We talked by phone at least twice a month and no matter what was going on in her life, Carla was positive.

I’ve always believed the majority of the world is full of very good, well-intentioned people. People like Carla reaffirms my belief, yet it would be reckless of me not to acknowledge the hatred. Hatred is the reason why Carla was hesitant to tell me her story and no one should ever feel this way. We are all human and we all struggle. For those who cannot feel empathy for others, you’re the ones missing out. Nobody knows what’s in store for each of us but I’ll tell you what it’s far easier being kind and compassionate than filled with hate.

Everyone has biases but until we get to know one another, I don’t understand how we can feel dislike towards another. Carla, I will forever be grateful to you for bringing so much light into my life. You are a bright star and I will miss you terribly my friend. I love you. RIP

It takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, and a day to love them, but it takes an entire lifetime to forget them.

~Unknown

Featured Image Description:

A headshot of Carla with auburn hair and she’s wearing a black top.

The second image is a black and white full body shot of Carla posing with her white cane. She is wearing a floral dress with floral patterned hose.

“But now being totally blind, I realize that before I lost my vision I was somewhat blinded by my eyesight, not paying attention to the very rich and wonderful world of sounds and touch, aromas, and taste, that in some ways send information more deep into my mind and soul in a very profound way that I never realized when I had vision.” ~Carla Ernst

Image: Selfie of Carla sitting with her white cane on a bus wearing a turquoise top, necklace, and sunglasses.

Have a great weekend and don’t forget to appreciate the little things!😄

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Living Boldly with Blindness

Many believe that blindness is a fate worse than death. As a recently blinded woman, it wasn’t until I lost my sight that I realized that blindness is just a different way of perceiving the world around me, and certainly not a death sentence. My “dark” circumstances have caused me to open my sightless eyes and see blindness in a different way. I’ve learned that blindness is not the end of life, but rather, the beginning of a new chapter and different way to live a happy, productive and fulfilling life. And I would argue, even better.

I’m the same person I was a year ago. I live in the same world, do the same things and go to the same places I did before I lost my vision, and then some. I work, write, hike, swim, kayak, race sailboats, perform music, go to parties, dine out and perhaps the most fun, shop ‘til I drop. (Yes, blind girls can do all the girly things sighted women like to do!) I still love to wear nice clothes, put on my makeup and drape myself in plenty of bling—and all on my own.

Although I can no longer see what I look like or how people look at me, I’m still a woman, just one who cannot see with her eyes. I like to dress with the same appreciation of fashion and style I had before. Not just so I can look good to others, but more so to maintain my overall sense of confidence and pride as a fully-whole woman, but who happens to be blind. In fact, before I lost my vision, I would always take one last look at myself in my full-length mirror by my front door. Even though I no longer can see myself with my eyes, I still “look” at myself in the mirror but now with my hands. I touch all my clothes for one last assurance that I have on what I intended to put on, and in the right places, before I boldly venture out into the world with my trusty and fashionable white cane in hand.

Just like sighted people, blind people are diverse and unique individuals with different passions and interests, skills and talents. I have wonderful friends and spend as much time as I can with them enjoying a rich and fulfilling life. So as Stephanae McCoy recommends we all do, I walk boldly with confidence, transcend barriers and work to change the way we perceive one another, and I would add, sighted or not. The challenge remains to help society become more understanding of and comfortable with blindness.

It may take me a little longer than sighted people to do things, but I continue to still strive to look beautiful, so I just say “I can” and I do. That’s what it’s like to live every day, boldly with blindness.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Stephanae McCoy and Bold Blind Beauty with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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