Single Parent Life (Ch. 5)

So, for those of you who have been following along my journey, you have been reading about my situation with my boys and their father. If you have not read about it, check it out here and here. Some of you have sent notes and messages about the situation and I appreciate everyone who has thought about me and my family.

Their father, who they have not seen in three years, recently showed up. This was not out of the blue, but he had been mentioning it for the last two months. He was making plans to see them, but I didn’t actually think he was going to make the drive from Texas to Kentucky. Let’s just say that I know my ex-husband, he is a full-blown talker. He’s that guy. He can talk all day, but never really about the action.

Well, he finally showed up after three years, gleaming like a brand-new person in a brand-new body. I didn’t tell my boys that he was coming. I didn’t want to put the thought in their head that “daddy” was coming, but he might not show up. Then, I would have to be the person to clean up their broken hearts…again. But he showed up and boy were the boys surprised. At first, I wasn’t nervous, but on the car ride over, it hit me that youngest son has not seen his “father” since he was one and my oldest when he graduated from Kindergarten. Do you realize how much time and memories have passed? I started thinking to myself “what if my youngest son would be scared or not know who his father was.” They have been in contact recently with their dad. He FaceTime’s and calls them on a somewhat consistent basis, which they became familiarized with his face and voice. I kept telling myself everything would be fine and if there was a problem, I would just take them back to school and he would have to stop by later for a visit after everything had calmed down. The great thing was that their first encounter in three years went smooth and so much better than I had even expected. Seeing my boys so happy warmed my heart.

For so long, I had so much hate for ex-husband. I wasn’t bitter, but angry that a person couldn’t even call his kids on birthdays, holidays or just to check in. Didn’t even want to visit, take care of them physically, emotionally or financially. People get mad when on Mother’s Day people acknowledge their mom and on Father’s Day, they again acknowledge their mom, but I get it. At the moment, all that anger went away, I wasn’t mad or sad. I was relieved that hopefully I would not have to do this parenting gig on my own.

So off they went. He took them for the weekend, which gave me a break and was something I desperately needed. He kept reassuring me that he is a different person and that he isn’t the same person that he was when he was with me. Deep down, I know the truth. The player doesn’t change, just the game. I just hope that the game he plays causes him to have a more active role in “our” sons lives.

Two girlfriends who share a passion for writing and keeping it real! We met in graduate school and have been friends since 2006. We've seen men come and go, babies being born (only one of us has children 🙂) and our friendship grow. We are besties/sisters for life with an impenetrable bond, dedicated to making each other successful in life and in love.
***This blog is from our own personal experiences and trials. Our thoughts and opinions are our own.

2 COMMENTS

I’m glad things turned out better than expected. Your boys deserve that and you do as well. I hope this starts a positive trend. Relationships are not easy and I get when things just don’t work out between people, but I’ll never understand people who stop being parents. I don’t have children, but I image myself going all the way off on anyone who hurts my child, so it’s probably best that I never have any. Jail wouldn’t be a good look for me.

Me too! For awhile I was so angry at him for not being there for the boys and not giving them the chance to experience having a father. I would think when I ever see him again “I would put hands on him.” lol. It sounds silly but at that time, I was so angry and upset. Over time those emotions went away. Hopefully, we can work on this co-parenting thing. 🙂