I am an evil giraffe. Who no longer blogs about politics.

BREAKING: WE HAVE RECOVERED THE STOLEN COLON. Thanks to a tip, officers found the giant, inflatable, pilfered intestine in a vacant house in the 7100 block of Virginia. No one in custody yet. Investigation is continuing. #stolencolonpic.twitter.com/QAILIr3G6d

Let me start by saying something: do not take things that belong to other people. You may think that a life-sized statue of Barack Obama is incredibly tacky; and you may also think that a life-sized statue of Barack Obama sitting down is just begging to be stolen. Nonetheless, that statue does not belong to you: you should not steal it; and the woman who you stole it from had a rotten week because of what you did. And no, she probably didn’t deserve it. Even if she did, who made you Psychological Vigilante Man/Lady?