Don’t Feed the Trolls: How to Handle Haters in Blog Comments and Social Media

If you’re a blogger, at some point you’ve probably gone toe-to-toe with an Internet troll — “a person whose sole purpose in life is to seek out people to argue with….over extremely trivial issues.”

If you haven’t had this delightful experience yet, you will sooner or later. Technology is maturing faster than we are, so Internet trolls have become a fact of life.

When my first article was published at xoJane, e-gremlins called me a jobless, spoiled, trust-fund baby. I was pegged as a psychotic, shitty writer, who’s only ever written sub-par, self-published novels and articles.

The comments made my stomach knot like a mall pretzel. I sobbed. One minute, I wanted to crawl back into my mother’s uterus. The next, I wanted to fight — to scratch my way out of the trolls’ black and white pit of negativity. I read the soul-sucking comments over and over for six hours.

I decided I wasn’t prepared for a war with faceless, nameless, word-wielding trolls, who relentlessly stalked me on my social media profiles. So I decided to play nice, which resulted in some of the trolls feeling bad for their comments and one admitting that her reading comprehension was poor.

But Stephen King says, “If you intend to write as truthfully as you can, your days as a member of polite society are numbered.”

We all know that trolls aren’t polite. They spew smoke and hurl fire. Their words leave you blistered, red, and peeling, but as you slowly heal, your skin becomes tougher and your scars fade.

My cyber-bullying experience taught me valuable coping skills. Now I can mentally clobber any troll that comes my way, and you can too.

What’s psychology say about internet trolls?

According to a 2014 study from the University of Manitoba, there’s a correlation between trolling and the Dark Tetrad of personality: sadism, narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism — the belief that ‘the ends justify the means’.

Whitney Phillips, author of the book This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things [Amazon affiliate link], takes trolling a step further. She writes that e-gremlins worship “Lulz” — antagonistic laughter at the “logical rape” of their victims — which is a longer, girthier, and more pleasurable version of “Laugh Out Loud”. Their typical victims are society’s underdogs: women, people of color, members of the LGBT community, Republicans, and Christians.

However, Phillips points out that internet trolls are not reinventing the wheel. “Trolls’ strategies for getting attention are similar to the strategies employed by sensationalist media outlets that can include blogs, Buzzfeed, the Daily Mail — the Daily Troll, as it’s referred to — that deliberately try to get people to click on stories: knee-jerk, sensationalist, exploitative coverage of often tragic stories,” says Phillips in an interview with the Los Angles Times.

Psychology confirms what bloggers have known since 1994: Internet trolls sit on their high horses mulling over individual, tiny, fetishized details. Trolls see parts. They don’t add up all of the facts. They don’t picture their victim as a whole person who they can crush mentally, physically, or spiritually. It’s not that they can’t see the whole. They’re in a privileged position, so they don’t have any reason to think about it.

Psychological deficits and privilege aren’t the only reasons trolls scour the internet, devour articles, and post poisonous comments. There are two other fundamental reasons why people troll:

They lack real-life stimulation, so they get their fix by targeting you online. It’s pathetic, but trolls are deeply insecure. When you respond to their words it gives their life meaning. Remember if they had something better to do — say, spending time with loved ones or working — they wouldn’t have the time to push your buttons. I look at it this way: if they’re targeting me, they’re leaving some other writer alone, at least for a little while.

They’re attention whores. Trolls want to be center stage. They drooling at the mouth hoping you’ll tweet their comments to your followers or that’ll you write a juicy blog post about just how “dumb” they are. Short of murdering your mother, they’ll do everything and anything they can to get you to react.

So the real question is: How do you deal with e-gremlins?

Know yourself

Every person’s writing journey is different. You need to take into account that trolls don’t know you personally.

For example, I’ve never self-published anything, even my “psychobabble thesis.” I wish I had a trust fund, but I grew up impoverished — more than 150% below the federal poverty line. I may be treated for OCD, agoraphobia, depression, and generalized anxiety, but I worked “normal” jobs as a secretary, Americorp Vista, and elementary school teacher before getting bit by the writing bug.

I’m also not a “ridiculously skilled” person doing the starving artist thing. Because I’m a freelancer, I have the freedom to help my mom, who is in kidney failure, hemodialysize at home, which greatly increases the chances she’ll live stronger and longer. I get to choose my own clients, projects, and work hours. I love it, and my family gets by.

Remember that you became a writer so your voice — not your trolls’ snark — could be heard. I recommend keeping a list of positive comments from your editors, other writers, and readers. When you’re having a bad day, pull it out and read it.

Ignore ’em

Remember the three rules from the 1984 movie The Gremlins: don’t give gremlins water, light, or food after midnight.

Why? Because they’ll go from Furby look-a-likes to scaly alligator-bat hybrids in a moment flat.

If you can buck your genes (i.e. your drive to respond to any threat in your environment) and realize some people will hate anything just to give their lives a sense of meaning, your trolls will crawl back under their bridges.

Kill with kindness

Before you reply to your troll, blow off steam by talking to your family or friends, posting to a writer’s forum (a special thanks to Linda Formichelli, Lauren Tharp, and Alicia Rades for lending their ears during my post-troll meltdown), or writing a scathing note that you don’t plan on publishing to your troll.

You can then defuse your troll, even if you don’t mean it, by making your actual reply something like “Thank you for your valuable input!”

Laugh it off

The next time trolls have you ready to rip all of your hair out, respond with a little humor.

For example, in my xoJane article, Stephen King’s name was spelled “Steven Kings” in the title. Readers complained that King was a horror writer not a science fiction writer. A humorous comeback would be, “I’m guessing you don’t want the Steven Kings 2015 Science Fiction Convention t-shirt.”

You can also chat with your blogging buddies and compare your #Trolltales. Try to one-up each other. You’ll find that the trolls’ opinions are not as earth shattering as you originally thought. Plus, the non-stop laughter will boost your immune system, increase blood flow, release endorphins — the body’s natural feel-good chemicals — and relax your whole body for a good 45 minutes.

Embrace them

[A friend and former editor] used to call me when he got hate mail. He’d actually gloat over it. He’d read it to me, saying, “Can you believe this? Listen to this one! This next one is awesome!”

I asked him why he enjoyed negative comments so much…and he told me he just loved the fact that people were REACTING to what he wrote. He’d struck a chord. He was influencing them. They were talking about what he had to say.”

Remember, the worst reaction you can get is indifference. I try to follow the 1/3 rule. I feel like I’m on par if a third of readers like my article; a third of readers hate my article, and a third of readers couldn’t give a flying flip.

Report ’em

Sometimes no matter what tactic you use, you can’t shake your internet troll.

You may be reluctant to block or report a troll because it feels like an impolite or aggressive act. However, if you’re offended by a troll’s comments, you’re probably not alone. There’s a very good chance that dozens, hundreds, or thousands of other readers are offended too!

You can block trolls to prevent them from sending you emails or seeing your status updates. Each social media platform is different, so I’ve provided quick and dirty blocking tips for a few below. [Note: these example screenshots feature lovely people I wouldn’t ever want to block!]

Click block or report. You can also mute the individual. They’ll be able to see your Tweets, but you won’t be able to see theirs.

Google+

Click on the profile of the person you want to block or report.

Click on the downward <. It’s underneath the followers and views and beside the chat cloud.

Choose block or report. You can choose to just remove the person from your circles. You can also report if you believe the person is catfishing or their account has been hacked.

If you have questions about how to block or remove people from your accounts on other social media platforms, feel free to ask below.

I’d also love for you to share your troll coping tips and #TrollTales with me in the comments or tweet me, @Poemgirl88, with the hashtag #TrollTales. If you do, you’ll get a free, “I survived the trolls” banner!

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About Cherese Cobb

Cherese Cobb was raised in Knoxville, Tenn. A graduate of Maryville College, she has a B.A. in psychology and art. A bibliophile, she considers herself a professional student, as she has an insatiable curiosity. When she's not writing for newspapers, blogs, or magazines, she splits her time between family, poetry, and cat-worship, and uses coffee to survive all three.

Comments

Cherese, this is fantastic! I think the dreaded trolls keep so many of us hiding in our little boxes, afraid that anything and everything we have to say will be torn apart by the masses. I tend to take the “ignore ’em” route more frequently than anything else, but it can be tough to battle the psychological demons negative comments bring to the surface.

Ultimately, trolls make me think of that oft-cited Eleanor Roosevelt quote, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

According to a study in the journal of Aggressive Behavior, researchers found that rejection, in-person or online, is very similar to physical pain. In fact, they both light up the same areas of the brain–the parieto-insular cortex and the medial frontal cortex.

It’s this pain that has writers shaking in the dark corner of their offices.

The words that trolls hurl become a psychological glue. It sticks to the roof of our mouths and to our fingers. We become frozen. Luckily, we can ignore them. I love this method because I know (and you do too) that trolls hate it. And if all else fails, we wait for the unflattering comments to show up on the fourth page… no man’s land.. when clients google our names!

This is awesome. I was pitching something similar and was sent to your blog. It’s not always easy but I have also learned not to react. I deal with a lot of it in my personal life. I am a free spirit and always on an adventure so I’m always getting shot over it ! Oh well I’m living life. If that gets me hated then let them hate away. Troll tales#

Welcome to BAFB, and thanks for commenting! 🙂 I love that you’re a free spirit (I am too!) and that you live your life the way you want to. *Virtual high-five*

I think it’s wonderful that you’ve learned to let things roll off of your back. It’s hard to not let ugly comments get under your skin (We writers are a sensitive bunch, right? Or is that just me?), but at the end of the day, you’re the only person you’ve got to answer to.

Ugh this is so sad that this even needs to be said. People can be vicious when they don’t feel there’s any credibility.

I tweeted an innocuous statement about feminism that said something along the lines of “Why is feminism so controversial? Is equal rights between men and women so crazy” and I was FLOODED by MRA guys telling me they were going to rape me, that I was hideous and can’t get a husband, they were going to kill me…

I continue to be astonished people think this behavior is okay. I try to remain perfectly professional with the idea “If a very important client read my response, would that embarass me? ” as my guide.

I want to tell you how sorry I am about what happened to you on Twitter. I’m also a feminist, and I believe that men and women are equals in the eyes of God.

Unfortunately, everyone doesn’t share our world view. I recall that Rush Limbaugh once said that only “ugly” women had jobs.

Along the same lines, these MRA men want you to believe that only “ugly” women are feminist. Why? Because they’re chauvinistic pigs who believe they’re worthy of supermodel-like Stepford wives. You’re a smart, sexy, and strong woman. In essence, you don’t need them and that makes their balls shrink back into their bodies. They think threatening to rape you will remind you that their men.

However, I don’t ever take Internet threats like this lightly, and you shouldn’t either. Report these violent threats to the FBI Cyber Crime Network (https://www.fbi.gov/report-threats-and-crime) or your local police department. Sure, most of these people are huffing and puffing hot air. But you never know.

I enjoyed this! It really is a shame that we even have to worry about trolls but the info above is valuable. I told myself before I got my first post published that I would not engage with the negative comments. I also try not to read any negative ones but obviously sometimes you have to skim them to see that they are written by trolls. It’s so important to remember that these are strangers, they don’t know you nor do they care to an ultimately opinions that can’t be stated with kindness are totally irrelevant. Thanks for this post!

I’m so glad that you enjoyed the post, Lauren. I love that you decided how you were going to handle trolls before you ever had your first post published! Now that’s what I call proactive. 😉

I actually found my trolls’ comments while searching for the link to a different article to put on my writer’s website. I saw my name on GOMI (Get Off My Internets). I had no clue what the site was about, so I poked around out of curiosity. In case you don’t know, it’s a snark site where readers (and even other writers) rip apart bloggers’ articles and personal lives.

On another note, I’ll actually respond to negative comments that are not about my personal life or writing ability , especially if the poster has a valid point. I believe in the first amendment– the right to free speech. The poster can write whatever he or she wants but that doesn’t mean I have to listen or respond.

Girl, this article was everything!!! I got the troll ass-handling game down to a science: IGNORE THE HELL OUT OF THEM.

Trolls are insecure people like you stated and they know in real-life, no one will put up with their bullying (since that’s essentially what they’re doing), so they cowardly spit their hate across the internet.

My HuffPost article, “Why I Simply Don’t Give a Damn About My $100k+ in Student Loans” ( http://www.huffingtonpost.com/monica-leftwich/100k-student-loans_b_7968752.html) generated trolls on Twitter hollering about how horrible I am to taxpayers and one broad squealed about me paying only $20 on my students. I actually pay like $200, and I let her know this, but she continued her troll attacks. *Bitch, bye* was my initial thought! Check out the comments I got: nearly 600! Just read the trolls there. Plentiful.

You think I waste my time reading/feeding their nonsense? No. I got way more praise than put down for the controversial article anyway. And that’s what I use to write more helpful articles.

Trolls require too much energy and you get no rewards from interacting them. Give them the proverbial finger and keep a’writing!!!

First, on unrelated note, I really liked your article for the Huffington Post!

When we’re little, people ask us, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I worked as a kindergarten, second, and fourth grade teacher. I always heard things like I want to be a doctor, teacher, lawyer, or movie star. Not one kid ever said, “I want to be a teacher that’s 20K in debt who’ll be paying my loans until my mid-fifties.” Ahem…that’s me. I sure thought a piece of paper was going to change my life, but I’ve learned experience is what really matters.

I LOVE that you’re not feeding the green-eyed monsters! You’re right. There’s no reward for responding…unless you’re a sadist and consider getting more ugly comments exciting.

If you ever get the opportunity to guest-post in a real household-name forum … put on your thickest skin in advance! I have completely given up reading the comment sections for nationally syndicated columns because they all amount to wasting twenty minutes watching people shout the same opinionated comments back and forth for fifty rounds. If you ever publish something that prominent, you won’t have to worry about responding to troll comments ridiculing your position; other trolls will do it for you.

I miss the days when the general reader only saw “letters to the editor” that were screened by professionals so only the most interesting (or humorous) ones were published. Now, many periodicals have all but eliminated edited “letters” sections, and all the enjoyment has gone out of learning what others think of an article.

You’re right. Freelancers need rhino skin. (That needs to be a logo on a t-shirt, right?)

In a perfect world, we’d still have letters to the editor–humorous, edited, and highly controversial copy. Instead, we have anonymous comments. The cloak of anonymity allows trolls to spew whatever hate they want. So, I wish either sites would require a person’s real first and last name or monitor comments more closely. I guess for now we’ll have to settle on the trolls duking it out with each other!

I needed this particularly today. Just woke up next to Mr Negative (not a troll – my husband). The usual “Why would anyone pay you to write anything?” and “People are hardly going to pay for a monthly membership subscription from you” stuff.

As I say, not as scathing as a troll, but still quite demoralising. I will now go and read some of the testimonials and other kinds words I have floating around from people who appreciate what I do!

I’m so sorry that you’re significant other doesn’t support you. I completely understand because I still have family members who ask when I’m getting a *real* job. One has even offered me a position at her company when my writing dream falls through.

I believe, however, that God never puts in you a dream that you can’t accomplish. The real question: “Who wouldn’t pay for your writing?” Thanks to the digital age, copy is everywhere!

One group of society’s underdogs you forgot to mention. People with mental health diagnoses. If I had a nickel for every time I read a comment about how Evil those people are and how they should all be drug out and shot and left for the crows to eat…

That really hurts. I suffer from depression and already feel bad enough.

You’re right I forgot to mention individuals suffering from mental disorders. I personally suffer from anxiety, depression, OCD, and agoraphobia, so of course, my trolls called me psychotic.

Most eGremlins believe that having a mental disorder means a person can’t function society. Their motto, “Lock ’em in a rubber room and throw away the key!”

Tons of people with mental disorders, especially depression, have changed the world though. Here’s a few: Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, Issac Newton, Vincent Van Gogh, and Ludwig Von Beethoven. So, if anyone ever gives you crap, just remember you’re in the same club as some of the greats. 😉

My trolls came out when I wrote an article about the concerns insurance companies have over the anti-vaccine movement. The article stated no opinion, nor was it intended for a general audience — business stuff. But 187 angry comments later, my editor was thrilled about the traffic. In private email, some guy called me a hack, questioned my ability to write, and told me I knew nothing about the topic. He started out with this line: “Every time an unschooled ignorant reporter such as yourself gets sucked into the vortex of the pharmaceutical company, I have to write and tell you just how wrong you are.”

It was hilarious. I hadn’t quoted or talked with one pharmaceutical company. I’d talked with attorneys and medical professionals. Even funnier, he, an unknown who doesn’t pay me and has no stake in the article, demanded a retraction and apology.

Clearly he wanted me to write a follow-up and interview him because he included all his contact info, and signed off with a “I will be looking for your next article.” You don’t send a scathing note and include links and phone numbers unless you’re the one with the hidden agenda.

I’m more likely to embrace trolls like that, and for the reason the writer in your post says — they’re reacting to my writing. They don’t have to agree or even get the facts right (as this guy didn’t — his links were to those scare-tactic sites that use pseudo-facts to back up their opinions). That it creates a conversation is great, I think.

Your pharmaceutical reader proves that no matter how *neutral* you write something a troll will read whatever they want into it.

Personally, I think it’s hysterical that he questioned your writing abilities and demanded a retraction but then left his contact information. Notice that he said he was looking forward to your next article, which means he plans on following your writing. What’s that say to me? He actually likes it and is just craving attention.
I’m with you. I actually feel sorry for him. I’d be more likely to embrace him too. Even if he’s referencing scare-tactic sites that use pseudo-facts, at least he’s trying to enter the conversation. Plus, like you said, trolls drive traffic. And we–editors and writers– always appreciate that!

I haven’t experienced any trolls yet but I’m expecting them in the near future. Reading your post made me a bit nervous, but I’m hoping to use your invaluable tips as my shield. I’ve dealt with nonsensical trolls in real life, some coming from close familly members, and it’s gut-wrenching.

I feel sorry for what happened to Kat on Twitter. I don’t understand why the term “feminism” is such an abhorrent term for many. I still can’t believe that the word “rape” is used so carelessly by a bunch of idiots.

Thank you. I’m glad you like the post, and we’re happy that you’ve found Be a Freelance Blogger (BAFB)! 🙂

I think it’s more gut-wrenching to deal with trolls in real life, especially family-members.

Remember, for the most part, internet trolls don’t know you and their life-goal is to get your to respond–hopefully with anger or fear–so they can feel better. They’re basically the wedge-giving bullies of our childhoods that never grew up. No one will take their bull-crap in real-life, so they journey onto the Net to torture unsuspecting victims.

Sadly, feminism is a dirty word for many. It conjures images of women burning their bras and “taking” men’s jobs. I hope some day this will change. In my opinion, these idiots should be charged with a crime for threatening to rape Kat, but internet crimes are hard to prosecute. Let’s hope with an evolving digital world, our local PD departments get with the program.

Hi Rachel, The first step to fixing a problem is to admit that you have one. Kudos for taking that first step because it’s the hardest. I’d apologize. “I’m sorry” always goes a long way. And remember that no one is perfect so don’t hate yourself.

Thank you so much for this! it’s a few months too late for me, but at least I’ll be better prepared the next time I run into trouble.

For nearly a year, I had my own personal troll who pestered me and devoted dozens of blog posts to me and my supposed crimes against other writers. I finally figured out how to block her on Twitter, Facebook, WordPress, etc., so she eventually settled for just blogging about my being old and fat — which isn’t exactly news to me and has nothing to do with my ability to write. Pretty easy to ignore that.

I wish I would have just ignored her from the start instead of “feeding” her in the beginning by trying to defend myself. I have no idea who she’s pestering now that she can’t get my attention any more, but I hope they are smarter than I was.

I’m glad that you liked the post! I’m really happy that you figured out how to block your troll on all platforms; this is a feat because most come back under “different” usernames. I’m so sorry that someone would “devote dozens of blog posts to [your] “crimes” against other writers.” My best guess, sadly, is that this eGremlin was probably a disgruntled writer.

Sure, you can ignore a troll that calls you fat and old. But you’re not. I see your picture, and I think what a beautiful person!

Remember, it’s the troll’s issue not yours. He or she probably feels like a fat, old criminal. I’m sure we feel a little sad for him or her (and of course, the poor souls this person has decided to target.)

I know I’m leaving comments on topics that are finished but I just had the pleasure of finding this beautiful blog today so of course I’m reading older posts and ill post my tardy comments in a very quiet & respectful way
First things first I am very sorry that you had to deal with such uncalled for bullying..These trolls or “straight haters” as I call them can be found everywhere and they can spew their obnoxious & usually ignorant uneducated hatefulness all over everyone but I finally learned how to beat my haters..I either deny them any reaction at all or I express the sadness I feel for them and go on to explain that if they were happy at all in their life they wouldn’t have the desire to make anyone feel so badly and that its pathetic and sad that being an online hater is the best thing they have going for them I always find that this only enrages them but then the truth hurts & its even worse to be called out on it…My advice to anyone that finds themselves being affected by any kind of hater you remind yourself how beautiful amazing & talented you are and take all that emotion they’ve got you feeling & stressing over & send it back to them with pity..or deny them any response..Either choice will force them to face their truth..All the strong successful beautiful loving and amazing women on this site and the world over never let anyone cause you to doubt or question yourself…This world is full of darkness but you refuse to let someone take your light away..Its time a little more humanity was put back into our world..oh I’m off topic again..I’m so sorry I just get inspired & carried away..

Thank you for sharing this article Cherese. I agree that internet trolls are those people who seeks attention, people who are self-centered.Maybe in the first troll you will encounter you’ll get bothered but after you will learn from it the next time you will encounter this situation you will just simply laugh and ignore it. Lately, as i was searching i found strategies and more tips on how to deal with this kind of people. http://blog.suchcrowd.co.nz/2016/08/02/successful-social-media-marketing-dealing-with-haters-and-trolls/

Thanks for commenting. I’m glad that you liked the article. And I really appreciate the link to SuchCrowd.

The article has some great advice. My favorite? Be direct: address the issue. My trolls felt the article didn’t have a takeaway. And guess what? It’d didn’t.

It was too short with off-topic paragraphs. I was trying to squeeze myself into the essayist mold, even though I knew that I was quite uncomfortable writing about myself. I now save that for fiction or writing essays. 😉 So, some of their complaints were actually valid.

I think that’s the big thing with e-gremlins. Look at what they say. Take anything that seems valid and improve. Ignore everything else. Laugh it off or tell your writer friends. We’re always here for you.

Hello —
I am a few years late to this blog post but I wanted to say thanks for writing it — I would like to start a blog but this one thing (fear of trolls) has kept me from doing so. Much appreciation for the advice and instruction — hopefully I can conquer my fears and just get on with it already!
Thanks again.

A friend of mine was/is having trouble with trolls at her personal Blogspot blog. She was very ill for a few days but didn’t write about it because she didn’t have the energy to monitor the site and deal with trolls. In fact, it’s mostly one person. Is there any way of automatically blocking people like that?

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