Caitlin Moran: motherhood is a thankless task

‘All I want from my children is what every mother wants – a full and frank apology’

It was Mother’s Day two weeks ago – I’ll leave a pause while a couple of you scream, “Oh shit! I knew there was something I’d forgotten!” – and I was asked, as always, by my children, what I would “like”.

“Shall we bring you breakfast in bed? Do you want to go out for lunch? Shall I make a cake?” they asked, because they are lovely children, and also a lot of moonpig.com adverts had reminded them. “What do you want for Mother’s Day, Mamma?”

Once I’d told them, and they tootled cheerfully off to make a gigantic mess using every single thing in the house, I turned to my husband, and said, “What do I want for Mother’s Day? What do I want…

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