A Bill Clinton TV show? I would never have believed it. Aside from the
fact that the entire Clinton presidency has been a made-for-TV movie,
I just didn't think that most people in America would be interested in
watching Bill any more than they have had to for the past eight years.
However, that was before I heard of Fox's new "reality-based"
TV show, Temptation Island. I am now convinced that Clinton will have
his own TV show, and this is it.

Fox describes their show in the following manner: "Four unmarried
couples at a crossroads in their relationship and 26 singles that are
looking for love travel to an exotic location to test the waters of temptation.
The couples, who are willing to test their relationships, will be set
up on a variety of dates with three of the singles that best reflect their
ideal mate. After two weeks of exploring the single world again, the couples
will have the opportunity to discover if they have found the perfect mate."

Enter Clinton. He and Hillary! are obviously "at a crossroads in
their relationship." In addition, if anyone has shown that they are
willing to "test their relationship" it is our Commander in
Briefs and his power-hungry partner. Surely, the former President Clinton
would be willing to "test the waters of temptation" for the
sake of the continuing entertainment of the American people, whom he cares
so much about. Indeed, Clinton meets every criterion that Fox has set
out, except for the fact that technically, he is still "married,"
at least in the legal sense of the word. But that has never stopped him
before.

Thus, I believe that this program is the perfect showcase for Clinton
and his lack of morals. However, I'm not sure if the 26 singles, thirteen
of whom I presume are female, will satisfy our lustful President for the
entire two weeks. That isn't even one woman a day. We all know Clinton
can handle much more than that. That is why I think the show's producers
will, if they are smart, make Clinton the "Mr. Roarke" of Temptation
Island. Remember that old Ricardo Montalban character from Fantasy Island-wouldn't
Clinton be perfect for it?

Clinton can run the island, and be in charge of "initiating"
all the interns - I mean guests - to the show and the island. And Al Gore
can be Tattoo, his trusty sidekick. (Boss! de shame! de shame!) He already
has all the ugly earth-tone suits he would need. Gore can also be in charge
of the island's "Save the Dolphins" program, and organize the
rescue efforts for the "Beached Whale episode" (No, I'm not
referring to when Hillary! visits.) This would be perfect for sweeps week.
Maybe Monica Lewinsky could even flash her thong in a guest appearance.
Wouldn't it be fun? It really wouldn't be all that different from the
past eight years, in which we have seen Clinton grope his way from one
woman to the next, and at least we would be spared the spectacle of his
lying about it.

Once this show takes off, Fox can run other "reality-based"
programs, and the American people can be further edified by watching still
more people give in to temptation. For instance, who wouldn't watch a
show designed to see if a heterosexual man left on an island with only
young attractive homosexual males there to seduce him wouldn't eventually
give in to the love that dare not speak its name? Likewise, alcoholics
can be stranded on Booze Island, where they can "test the (fire)waters
of temptation." Another show can follow fat people and chronic dieters,
tempting them with pork roasts and cheesecake. Those who are trying to
quit smoking can be placed on Phillip Morris Island, where cigarettes
grow on trees. The cameras will bring it all directly into our living
rooms.

Of course, I am only kidding about all of this. This show should be an
outrage to any American with a common sense of decency. Is nothing sacred
anymore? Why can't someone make a show that is uplifting? One of the couples
apparently had a child together-are ratings more important than a family?
The saddest part of this is that any man or woman on Temptation Island
who does not "test the waters of temptation" as Fox puts it,
will likely be portrayed as some kind of hero. This for merely doing what
they are supposed to do; that is, remain faithful to their partner and
their commitments. How sick.

If this show proves to be a success, how long before Fox airs a new "Candid
Camera," one in which married individuals are enticed by paid actors
and actresses to see if they will remain true to their marriage vows?
Entertainment should not be this detrimental to society. And yet, there
are those who still wonder what has gone wrong in our country. The mere
fact that there will likely be a substantial audience for this program
demonstrates precisely what has gone wrong -- there is today a lack of
respect for even the most basic institutions of society. When immorality
becomes sport, something has gone seriously wrong.

Fox bills Temptation Island as "The next wave of reality television."
This may be the wave that sinks us. It would only be appropriate that
Bill Clinton be a part of it -- he has been the poster child for how to
dishonor one's commitments for his entire adult life, and he happens to
know a thing or two about temptation. With Clinton leading the way, the
ratings will go through the roof, just like they did during his impeachment.

Come to think of it, Temptation Island won't really be that different
from the past eight years. For, whatever else may be said about the Clinton
presidency, it has gotten great ratings-and isn't that all that matters?