A life lived in the feminine. Hear my tales.

Are You A Real Man? Take This Test To Find Out

Technically there are certain characteristics that a person must have biologically to qualify as male. Some folks may lack these but still feel they’re a man. And in that case, kudos to you– I support people who embody all different definitions of gender and gender performance.

However, I feel that there are certain personality traits and behaviors that define if a man is a man or not. Again, some of my male fans ( Love you boos) have complained that I haven’t called women out on enough of their garbage, but I deal with men in a different way than I do with women. I know full well that people are both good and bad regardless of gender, but with that disclaimer said, here are the things I use in my mind to define if a man is a man, or merely a boy.

And at the end, I will hook you up with three awesome men to learn about, which is all a part of my new series, Real Men.

I figured I could promote amazing guys and show the world that I haven’t given up on men. I’m merely waiting for someone to recognize my worth and show it!

Is He Angry?

I was out with a friend the other night when the man next to us was discussing his ex-wife of 5 years.

“Whore.”

That was what he kept calling her.

And while she did indeed cheat on him–and by no means is that right–it’s five years later and he sounds like he just witnessed the affair that very day.

Unfortunately for me when my friend decided to go to the bathroom, this dude asked me out.

I politely said no.

He in turn called me an “elitist bi*#h” and say that men of the world don’t want to date because of women like me.

I of course, left the bar after telling him he had serious issues.

If you are so angry that you are yelling at women for rejecting you, you are not a man. You are a freaking baby. Grow some dignity and respect for others, okay?

Another dude was on my Facebook page telling me, and I quote ” women are sluts in their 20’s and then clean up their act to get married later on.”

Issues. Serious issues.

If you are so angry that you view women in this narrow-minded light of whore or saint, you are not a man, you are a jerk off, and you will be jerking off alone, plenty.

Angry Dudes= not healthy.

Whore/Saint

That said, if you are a man who feels that using words like whore and slut are cool, you are a big insecure baby who needs his mouth washed out with soap. I admire a woman who can enjoy sex without caring what others think. It is rare. Many women either are ashamed to explore sex fully, or are very sexual because they want to please a man and be liked, not because they enjoy it. Then there are the few women who really embody their own sexual identity and enjoy it. That’s me. I once was the girl who did what men asked them to because I was hung up on years of abuse. Not anymore.

Women are not here for you to categorize, control, or demonize. We are not here for you to belittle.

If you use these words in my opinion, you’re a coward and a baby. Sure, there are promiscuous women and men in this world but opting to use that word is just the sign of someone not “whole” themselves.

Own your own stuff. Don’t be a coward. If you want to sleep around, tell your lady. IF she dumps you, oh well.

You know, I have a lot of respect for people who are honest about who they are. I have met men who said to me straight out, “I don’t want to be monogamous or married.”

I’ve met others who claimed to be polyamorous. Did I date them? No, but I respected the truth.

Don’t advertise false services. Be willing to lose someone so you can live a truthful life.

Let me take this further:

In the past, I had guys tell me they loved me…or other things…only to flake out.

Be true to your word. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Honesty may hurt but it’s better to know than to be fooled.

Be a man. Tell the truth about who you are, how you want to live, and what your intentions are.

Otherwise, you’re just a sucker.

Muscles

Here is a controversial point.

I don’t think you need to be buff to be a man. Or have muscles. It is nice yes, just as much as big breasts and a nice butt is appealing to a man.

However, just taking care of yourself and your health is good enough in my opinion, to be a real, whole man.

“I’m a real boy!” says Pinnochio.

A real man doesn’t let his wood chip. He takes care of his health by not letting health issues rack up.

Note: nowhere in there did I say big muscles equal a man. They’re nice but looks fade. Read a book.

Knowledge

Knowing who you are and not making pretenses is what makes a man, a man, and not a boy in my opinion.

If you are walking around clueless not knowing what to do, you’re still boy.

Side Note

I can honestly say that with many if not all of these categories, my ex-husband was and is indeed, a man.

I don’t quite see it too often. It’s a shame that who I was internally as a person wasn’t enough for him or what he wanted. but before anyone accuses me of being bitter, I fully believe that there are great men out there. And that many of the above categories apply to deciding whether a woman is a woman, or merely a girl.

I am lucky I suppose to have had the fortune of being in love in my life and having love even if I have not much to show for it at this point. And quite frankly, I think I am pretty damn awesome and I own who I am and what I am.

Moving on…

Kids

A real man who doesn’t want kids, doesn’t have them.

A real man who fathers kids, wants them…and doesn’t act as if they are an imposition or something to pay off. A real man doesn’t go months or weeks without seeing their children unless they’re working and physically unable to.

I’ve heard men talk about their kids as if they were an imposition. You my friend, are a little tiny eenie-weeny boy, and not a man.

If you didn’t want kids, you shouldn’t have made them.

I am so fortunate that my daughter’s daddy is a great dad. Knowing all of this, finding someone who is a great man/person and loves me for me, is a daunting task but I haven’t given up yet.If you have kids and they’re a big inconvenience for you, you’re not a man but a big fat jerk.

In the Past

A real man with an ex-wife or partner treats that person with respect…and takes the high road if the woman is not a nice person. By that I don’t mean he’s a pushover, but that he handles this nut job the best way possible.

I have had men brag to me about how little alimony or support they’re paying their ex and to me that just spells: D-O-U-C-H-E.

No one likes to part with his or her money, but try to have some decorum. I don’t believe men should be used for their money either.

Note: I never mentioned money as a factor for manhood!

Money

Money amounts don’t make the man: how he spends his money and his dedication to a job and pursuit of advancement makes a man a man, and not a boy.

Money isn’t everything.

I used to meet dudes on the bus on the way to work with their 200+ a year jobs, and their goal was to score chicks while the women stayed at home.