Thursday, March 1, 2012

Here's the second batch of combatants in the Bad Movie Battle Royale!

Welcome. Over the past few weeks I've been reviewing some films. Some of them were geared towards the DOOM'D Reviews I promised for this year and others were just plain old amazing Bad Movie Reviews. But out of the reviews that I've done so far, 4 of them stand out as contenders for supreme champion of the Bad Movie Battle Royale. They've earned a spot in my heart and a spot on the board. So, without further delay, here are your second batch of contestants in the Bad Movie Battle Royale 2012!

FEATHERWEIGHT DIVISION

The Martian Pilot. From the movie Spaced Invaders. He's lude, he's crude, and he's one bad ass mother from the Red Planet. For having such a large cranium he sure is a whole lot of stupid. But where he lacks in brains he makes up for in intuition, instinct, and skill. He may not understand books or school but he can put together a Quad Vectored Hypo Thermic Cosmo Blaster without a manual. His main offenses and defenses lie within his body. He's small and can easily run away from bigger, slower opponents.

Finishing Move: The "When I say whoa, I mean WHOA!"

WOMEN'S DIVISION

Tammy! From the movie Tammy and the T-Rex. She might not look like much, just another slutty teenager dancing around in lingerie for a brain sitting in a jar BUT she's much more than all of that. It all comes down to this fact: She had sex with a Tyrannosaurus Rex. That kind of endurance and strength is astounding. Tammy's main offense and defense comes from her body...offensively her body is nice to look at and will be a distraction to other fighters. Defensively: Her bod can take abuse...and I think that's the way she likes it.

Finishing Move: The Rex Sex

HEAVYWEIGHT DIVISION

The Robot. From the movie Robowar. Robowar is one tough cookie. He's a cyborg. He has barely any emotion. If he is beaten down enough his human side may begin to show through but for the most part its all robot. Whoever his opponent is will need to be smart and on the move, because Robowar is always on the offensive. Never resting. Never stopping. Until someone is dead.

Finishing move: The BAM. (Bad Ass Motherfucker)

SUPER HEAVYWEIGHT DIVISION

The T-Rex. From the movie Tammy and the T-Rex. In an unprecedented move here at Mr. Gable's Reality, we've allowed TWO combatants out of one movie. The movie was so bad and so awesome, and had a title that pronounced TWO combatants in it's title (Tammy AND the T-Rex), so after much contemplation it was decided that they BOTH will be allowed in the Royale. Does that give the movie an edge? A bit. Does it also give the possibility that Tammy will have to fight her lover, the T-Rex, in the Iron Circle? YES. And that's why they are both in the Royale.

The T-Rex is another tough cookie. Not only is he a T-Rex but he's a robotic T-Rex. He has the mind of a jocky high school student so that will be his biggest disadvantage. He's easy to outsmart and outrun but his stamina and strength are no match for no man.

Finishing move: The Big and Rexy.

There you have it! The second batch of contenders in The Bad Movie Battle Royale 2012: It's Bigger, Better, and Badder! It may be only the second batch but things are already starting to get interesting. We have two lovers, two robots, the possibilities are almost endless...and there's still EIGHT MORE to be announced! Until then, From the domed roof of Gablestadium, I'm Mr. Gable and this is...THE BAD MOVIE BATTLE ROYALE! We'll see you soon for the next round of combatants...

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The Power of the Bad Side

I am Mr. Gable and this is my Reality. I adore everything that is bad (and on occasion good) in media today. I love horrible movies, ridiculous plots, insane ideas, poorly written books, Troll 2, and cliche characters. All of these things are what I draw inspiration from and how I endure life. Join me, will you? Embrace the bad. Welcome to my Reality.