Open letter to Osama Bin Laden

Osama,
Had to post this on the internet since Homeland Security refuses to release your e-mail address to anyone without a new national ID number, and
clearance from the White House (only Rev. Moon and Ariel Sharon have exceptions to this policy). They claim it is a national security issue as
releasing it might overload your inbox capabilities causing your system to crash resulting in their inability to connect you when they need a new
tape.

One of the issues I wanted to discuss with you is about me saying that you are a “goatfuc_ker”, I should not have made such a claim without proof,
and I do not have proof beyond a reasonable doubt that you are having sexual relations with your goats or any other household pets you may have. So
I will only address you as an “alleged” goatfu_ker in future statements. How’s that?

The other issue is about your “new” tape (October 29, 2004), we simply cannot accept this tape, or your previous tapes, as proof you are, who you say
you are. And you have confused (at least you confused the White House) on the issue of whether or not this is your first, or second, confession of
responsibility for 911. As you must be aware this is election time in America, and Homeland Security is busy with the “Rubic’s Cube Case, so they and
the general public have little time for your new tape. Also, there is this thing about the “pod” and missiles, buildings imploding, etc., etc.,
circulating around the web that casts doubts on your claims of fame. Therefore, I would suggest that you either provide proof that what you say is
true, or you refrain from such claims. If you pursue in making these claims without such proof, be advised, I will report your activities to the
proper authorities without delay.

No Respects, (you alleged goatfu_ker)

P.S. Walter Cronkite is saying that you may be Karl Rowes "toy boy"...so as I said we are all sort of busy right now. However if I happen to see
Stanley Renshon, I will mention to him about the delusions you are experiencing, maybe he will devote a paragraph in future printings of "In His
Father's Shadow" to your concerns.

Have you been a good boy this year ? My reindeers (not goats) have been resting all year and Rudolf is getting quite fat.We're going to put him on a
diet for the next month. I'm very sorry that you did not get the x-box you asked for last year but I heard that your mother had smelled "exotic"
cigarettes emanating from your bedroom.

I'm sorry that you have not been able to get my e-mail address.(That naughty Mr Bush won't be getting the popular vote he wrote to me and asked
for). I do read ATS regularly but if you want to communicate with me more privately then address all correspondance to The North Pole.

This is a very busy time of the year for me right now.I have covert cells of elves working right around the clock.

Take care 1amc.

PS, This year can you please ask your mother to leave Port instead of Hot Chocolate with the mince pies by the Fireplace .By the time I visit you I'm
in need of a restorative.

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