5 Things to Say to Someone With Autoimmune Disease

If you’ve been diagnosed or suspect you may have an autoimmune disease, you’ve likely suffered from your friends and family’s lack of understanding around the disease. #autoimmuneproblems, right?! Without meaning to, loved ones can add emotional stress to the physical symptoms of the disease, making it feel like you have to soldier on alone.

The assumption that you’re on a fad diet, that you’re making a fuss because you want attention, or that your disease simply isn’t a big deal — all of these are too familiar for folks with celiac, Hashimoto’s, Crohn’s, lupus, ulcerative colitis, rheumatoid arthritis, Type 1 diabetes, and any of the 80+ other autoimmune diseases.

This post is for the friends, family, and co-workers of those who suffer from autoimmune disease — the important support network in our health journey. Below you’ll find some things you can say that show you’re an understanding, caring ally when it comes to autoimmune disease.

“Tell me more.” Brush off your good listening skills, because autoimmune disease is a challenge that most of us haven’t had to understand directly. Taking an approach of inquiry — and then stepping back and letting your friend or family member share — is the best approach. “How are you feeling?” and “How was today for you?” and “How has your energy/appetite/sleep been lately?” are good places to start. If you find yourself talking more than listening, acknowledge it and work to improve.

“I believe you.” Validating the experience of someone with autoimmune disease is one of the biggest gifts you can give. Because so many of the symptoms are hard to see from the outside, people are truly dealing with an internal struggle and are often made to feel like they have to “prove” their illness. Do your best to close the gap in your understanding of their disease, rather than approaching the situation with skepticism. Saying, “take care of yourself” — even if it means an employee taking a day off work, a partner going to bed early, or a friend trying seemingly-outlandish treatments — is one of the most powerful ways you can show understanding for their unique situation.

“I support you.” Autoimmune disease can be isolating, since patients are often left feeling too fatigued for many social gatherings, not to mention being unable to enjoy the same foods and drinks as their friends. I have many clients who say their social circles have become much smaller because the options for spending time with friends simply grew too few and far between. Continue welcoming them to social situations, and find ways to accommodate their dietary restrictions without making them feel high maintenance. Think of it this way: when you provide autoimmune-friendly options, you are allowing folks to use food to heal them in the way that works best for them—and with practice, it won’t feel like extra work at all.

“How can I help?” We want our loved ones to feel better, so it’s tempting to make all kinds of suggestions for solutions. When you hear yourself starting a sentence with “My friend who…” or “The other day I read…” try to pause and trust that your loved one is doing everything they can to find solutions that will work for them. Furthermore, autoimmune disease does not present uniformly across all patients—the symptoms you heard about from your other friend or read about online might not apply at all to the person in front of you. The only solution they may need from you that day is your empathy.

“I care about you and I’m here with you for the long haul.” Autoimmune disease can be an emotional roller coaster with good days and bad days. Many patients report feeling helpless and at the mercy of their disease, particularly before they find the correct diagnosis. Sometimes this leads to unhealthy coping tactics, depression, and self-inflicted isolation. If you notice a considerable downturn in a friend, family member, or co-worker’s morale due to autoimmune disease, let them know that you care about them and are there for them. Odds are they already know they need support, but haven’t yet found the right mix of strategies for managing their disease. Fortunately, the science in this area is advancing rapidly, so in ten to twenty years we will know even more about living a full life with autoimmune disease. As folks in the Autoimmune Paleo community know, It does not have to be the damning diagnosis that it used to be!

How have you successfully sparked conversation with your loved ones, friends, or co-workers around autoimmune disease? Share in the comments!

I love and support 100 percent. This is a difficult disease. Every day that goes by I pray for better health. The feeling of helplessness is overwhelming. You can only feel the pain that someone you love is hurting so much

I have celiac disease and to tell my friend and family including my partner when I don’t feel well today. They say things to me like get over it everyone doesn’t feel well but you have to push yourself to get through the day!☹️#imalone

I have a very rare autoimmune disease. It is so hard to even find a doctor who knows anything about it. Most never even heard of it. Oral Linear IgA. I read your story & it is so true. I lost 35 pounds because it is so painful to eat so everyone tells me how great I look. Even when I feel terrible. When you have a autoimmune disease you do feel like nobody understands what you a going thru. I enjoyed the story

Doctors don’t really believe me either when I tell them all my strange symptoms. They can’t say for sure whether I have ADHD, depression, or some weird mental illness. You can’t really diagnose autoimmune disease with blood test I think, because there is a spectrum. Today I just have fried chicken nugget, and I don’t feel well. But I rarely feel perfect so I don’t know for sure. But I do know my sleep apnea disappeared after I cut out sugar and gluten. If the government didn’t give me money for “disability” (lucky me), my family would still be mocking me. They don’t really believe I have a real problem.

When my doctor finally rolled up her sleeves & started really linking everything together was in October 2016. That’s when I discovered I had Hashimoto’s. She told me I was doing almost everything I needed to but, I’d have to go on another elimination diet to find the cause. I’m only now discovering there is much more to this. I’m finding out who will stick by me & help me out & who goes running for cover. Ugh! Glad I found this site! Thank you

Kermich, we understand. The beginning of an autoimmune journey can be tough on our support networks. Keep up your efforts! As you start to feel better, the networks around you will strengthen too (including the people on your healthcare team).

My dear cousin has been dealing with pain and other “mysterious” & seemingly unrelated health problems blend for a couple years now. Test after test with no results at all, even her own doctors literally started brushing off her physical ailments as “normal” or just due to stress. Knowing there are so many hard-to-diagnose auto-immune diseases out there, how is this even acceptable in the medical field?! How are doctors like this still in practice???!

I should have added this to my post, I have an additional question: once it was determined that she has an autoimmune disease, she was prescribed a medication “to help”…. but they haven’t determined yet which autoimmune disease she has. Is this normal? To be prescribed medication before it’s known which disease you are supposed to be treating?

Hi Cousin, I totally understand your frustration, and this is why we are here trying to educate and empower folks – our medical system is clearly broken and we need to advocate for ourselves to get good care. Yes, there are some diseases that are hard to diagnose, and sometimes doctors will see if a medication works in order to even hone in on what disease the patient has. I’m sorry for your cousin, and I hope she is able to find some answers soon!

Meet Mickey + Angie

With five autoimmune diseases between them, Mickey and Angie found their path to better health with the Autoimmune Protocol. Now it’s their mission to share that approach with nourishing recipes, practical resources, and community connections.LEARN MORE>

Next group starts Sep 3rd!

Our Print Books

Check out our Podcast!

Affiliates

DISCLAIMER

The information included on this site is for educational purposes only. It is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. The reader should always consult his or her healthcare provider to determine the appropriateness of the information for their own situation or if they have any questions regarding a medical condition or treatment plan. Reading the information on this website does not create a physician-patient relationship.

AMAZON AFFILIATE DISCLOSURE

Autoimmune Paleo is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising feed by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.

Over 150,000 people have signed up for our newsletter to receive exclusive updates. Are you in?

Sign up for our newsletter and you’ll get our AIP Quick Start Series. We’ll send you our favorite food lists, meal plans, instructional videos, and other guides (all for free!) to help you get started on your journey. Plus, you’ll never miss an update! Get the AIP Quick Start Series now!

We value your privacy and would never spam you.

Stay connected with the AIP community!

Sign up for our newsletter and you’ll get our AIP Quick Start Series. We’ll send you our favorite food lists, meal plans, instructional videos, and other guides (all for free!) to help you get started on your journey. Plus, you’ll never miss an update! Get the AIP Quick Start Series now!