Bra City: We Investigate the Broad City Babes’ Lingerie

I don’t know if I’ve ever spent more time staring at boobs than I have while watching Broad City. Honestly, it’s not even about the tits. I mean, don’t get me wrong, they’re really nice. They’re filling out crop tops worthy of a Fly Girl, lurking under layers of cardigans and T-shirts, being self-fondled in the workplace, and generally used for the same purposes that I use my own: for a laugh and sometimes as a place to hide a cellphone or a Hot Pocket.

But it’s not the characters’ anatomy that has me drooling—it’s their bras. From Abbi’s floral long-line number to Ilana’s signature strappy bralette, every single peek-a-boo moment has me reaching for my wallet. But as a lady who’s blessed with 38DDs, finding bras is hard, you guys—and not just when I’m trying to emulate small-breasted style icons. I need something supportive and sturdy, something that won’t dig the Mariana Trench into my shoulders, and something that won’t cost a ton of money. Trying to factor “cute” into that, and the feeling is decidedly UGGH. It leaves me wishing Ilana would pull that weed out of her vag and give me a hit already.

How many bras do you think you could cram into nature’s pocket? Like, just in case you wanted to change later? Or were shoplifting?

And because I’m a veritable brassiere Basset Hound, I spent two whole days compiling something special for you—for every frilly underthing I saw on Broad City, I hunted down the original bra, or some lookalike options. See, even though we’ve just met, I sincerely love you. I want you to feel as accomplished as I do when the TV shows me something I want, and I’m like OKAY, NOW MY LIFE HAS MEANING BECAUSE I FOUND THIS THING. Below, the answer all your prayers.

EXHIBIT 1—Ilana’s strappy bralette

Fun fact: Ilana’s skirt is from H&M. I have the exact same one, except I look like a blood sausage in mine.

As a busty lady, I probably wouldn’t wear this as a foundation piece, but I would layer it over my actual bra. I found this one for small/medium sizes, but I’ve heard that it stretches a lot. I ordered one because it’s only $13, and I like to live dangerously:

For those with more generous sweater muffin portions, check out this sexy plunge bra from Lane Bryant. This would likely work as an actual bra, since this brand Cacique is really supportive, just like Ilana herself:

Although this next piece is technically a bikini top, I own it and love layering it under sheer shirts. And it’s one of those rare F21 pieces that is actually way better quality than you’d expect (i.e. it will not disintegrate immediately upon being put into water):

EXHIBIT 3—Abbi’s cool-mint halter bra

It’s like a little hug.

Again, this one is from Free People and goes up to an XL. I love the look of it, but without underwire, this may leave larger-chested ladies a-floppin’:

Frederick’s of Hollywood has a fantastic selection of sizes, and this one has the cutesy/sexy charm of the original:

EXHIBIT 4—Ilana’s slightly frumpy red-lace bra There’s something about this that drives me wild with desire. It looks so comfortable and trashy at the same time. It’s like a bra that was your mom’s when she and your dad went through a kinky phase in 1986, but maybe she never wore it, so she gave it to you as a Christmas present and at first you were like “EWW SICK, MOM!” but then you put it on and it fit really nicely.

For those who are boob-ally blessed, I’m loving this lace demi from Torrid: Have you tried any of these bras? What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever found in there when you took yours off at night? Mine was a butter carving of two snakes kissing.