From mud huts, umqomboti and straightback to penthouses, expensive weaves and moet!

Young employed – Chapter 1

This is just a sample of my new blog coming some time in the future. I hope you like it. If ever you needed a copy of the DOAZG don’t hesitate this Christmas you don’t have any excuse for a gift. Buy it online on http://diaryofazulugirl.co.za/store upon checkout use this coupon code: doazg to get discounted price or email books@diaryofazulugirl.co.za for a manual purchase @ R165

Thank You

Mike

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I am just going to go out and say it, whichever girl tells you that they have never dreamt of getting married, having that big white wedding and the perfect husband is downright delusional! Growing up we were conditioned for it, playing house with the naughty boy next door, getting caught by someone and getting beat up for it by our parents. Yeah most of the kids who grew up in the township know this story all too well. Even white kids, those tea sets and dollhouses your parents bought you, what do you think they were training you for without even realizing it. In your teen years you called your boyfriend hubby or whatever even though the bastard more often than not went on to cheat on you. You hated him for it, sometimes forgave him and fought with him but often, and this is true you forgave the son of a devil! What did Maya Angelou say, “We condition girls to prepare for marriage…and to compete against one another for it yet we don’t do the same for boys!” I hope I got that right but the truth is not lost upon me. As a woman you are taught that getting the perfect family and husband is the most relevant thing you can ever achieve. Getting a good job and good friends are just a bonuses because husband and family come first. I hope I didn’t stutter when I said that because it’s a truth I can’t take back! I had it all figured out, by 23 I would be graduating with my honors at the very least, 24 I would be working and 27 I would have a husband and a one year old. You got to admit it’s a beautiful dream. I managed to achieve the first two with remarkable ease as I went to school on a scholarship that also got me a job in the process. Good times I tell you but it was hard work.

My name is Lungile Mbatha and I was on top of the world. I loved my job and it’s perks but I had a huge problem, getting a man firstly and on the few occasions that I did I learned very quickly that they just wanted to fuck me and leave me. I am not ugly at all nor do I have bad breath, bad attitude, pride etc. Nope, I am just like your girl next door without the bofebe tendencies but even as I say that she is getting married next week, white wedding and all. Miriam and I grew up together, we played together as kids but when I started to take books seriously in grade nine, my body took longer to develop than hers. She already had a boyfriend fingering her at the age of 14 and by 16 she had discovered the joys of sex and how truly relaxing opening her legs was because she slept with everyone who drove a GTI or could take her to the next party. I on the other hand preserved myself right through to my first year and only lost my virginity to Bongani who was and still is my best friend. I needed to get rid of it because I succumbed to peer pressure and fear of missing out as the girls who were having it seemed so happy so I arranged to do it with him. It was awkward but fun, painless and not that memorable. We only did it the once and things never got weird between us. In fact, he went on to date my university closest female friend Cindy Shabangu and today they are married with one child. Cindy dropped out of bio chemistry and ended up doing some HR degree. Again, I stayed in school and got my honours which came with a good job offer from one the chemical plants in Johannesburg. Some times that feels like that was the worst decision of my life.

Miriam never passed matric well enough to be relevant and ended up in a Jeppe College before she got call centre jobs. I see “A” Jeppe College because back then they were so many am not sure about now since some of their programs were found questionable! On a salary level I dwarved hers by probably 600% but one thing never changed, she was my first friend and we remained friends. You know how the naughty ones never seem to get HIV nor do they get unwanted pregnancies, Miriam was a true reflection of that. She would tell me great tales of her sexcapades which I am ashamed to say often left me quite turned on. Here is another embarrassing truth, if you are single and don’t get is as often as you want then your fingers become your bestfriends to keep you warm at night. Hell, girls like me know as much about dildos and vibrators than prostitute. I called my vibrator Boyboy and ladies, it never disappointed! After her stories, often before I sleep I would play with my rose garden and bring myself to an orgasm. The pleasure was momentary and then reality would sink in when I turned to find an empty pillow next to me. That girl used to traumatise me with her stories shem! Often she would feel sorry for me and invite me to some parties she attended but the thought of parking my car next to Bundu Inn was not my idea of fun, hell no. Once she took me to Mamelodi and for the first time ever my insurance phoned me and said, “You are entering a high risk area, please advise!” just imagine! On that occasion we had been going to bury one of her friends who had been stabbed by her boyfriend so you can imagine how out of my depth I was. We might have grown up neighbors but we were true opposites. With that said, imagine my shock when she came to me one Sunday morning after church and said,

“Lungi, guess what he proposed and I said yes. We are getting married!”

Firstly, I did not not know who HE was as they were many in her life nor did I feel her joy. Reality hit home that the biggest mogwanti in our street was getting married before me. The jealousy that swept through me at that moment was so profound for a good minute I hugged her in congratulations just so she could not see the pain in my face. I even cried but I told her because it was because I was so happy for her. That was both true and a lie. I was jealous and bitter and much as I tried to scold myself for it I could not help it. Was this God’s plan all along to let me be humiliated.

Speaking of God, I think I have tried every man of God possible. We are told that to get a good man go to church and so far to me it has become one big joke. Men have realized that picking up girls is easier at church because we let out guard down and see only good intentions from them. Think about it, if a guy approaches you in a club were often you are dressed like a little prostitute, 99% of the time you say no. You are programmed to say no because you know he is going to make an advance at you. At church where you are dressed like a nun, the probability of saying yes is so high because it’s the last thing you expect. We are easier pickings at church than at club. With that said I have had my fair share with men of God. You date for a few weeks and yes you give it up because everyone gives it up. Unfortunately he breaks up with you and lies that now he is drifting from his path with faith so he needs to focus. You are expected to understand because he is right under the bible as it is sinning. Next thing he is hooking up with that new girl in the choir! Yes if I sound bitter it’s because I am. One of those girls at my church who bricked me like that her name is Vuyelwa but I will get back to her later. The problem with looking for love at church is that you are competing with every single mother that’s there an trust me, they are many. It’s like after they are betrayed by their baby daddies church is an aphrodisiac as they can’t keep away from it. I wonder if they are praying for their baby daddy to be hit by a car or something. As a single girl with no kids even that crowd keeps you at a distance because one on one with a guy and you having no baggage like they do, they expect you to win!

With all these men I have realized the problem comes after my first pay checque when we are together. I earn a lot not because I slept with someone to do it but because I was smart enough to get a degree that is actually needed in this country. With some exes I would offer to pay the bills if I earned more but for some reason I was insulting their masculinity. With other exes, hurt and thinking I had learned my lesson from the previous, I would be girl and want to be taken off. Eventually the guy would call me selfish for not contributing as much as I could afford which would probably be more than him. At some point I started looking for guys who were CAs, actuaries, doctors etc but these were all interested in cheaper maintenance girls who would praise them for their intellect and allow then to cheat on them. It’s amazing really that the noose around my neck was my own education. Everytime I would tell a friend or colleague of mine not in the same situation they would tell me how much I must be proud of myself and it the men with problem so they must fuck off. I would be told how they were intimidated by me so I had nothing to worry about only a strong man could have me. What they did not know is that, alone at night, with my fingers yet again inside me, that was all irrelevant to me because I wanted to man to love me and call me his woman, a man to give me children and protect me. Even if I ended up in divorce court one day at least I would know what it feels like to be married.

It was then my phone rang. It was 1030pm and I had had too many savannahs. Oh, I am not a fan of wine, it’s bitter and pretentious. My vice is Savannah Dry with all its calories.

“Hey how are you?”

I said when I picked up the phone.

“Hi friend what are you doing?”

The voice said on the other side. It was Miriam.

“Nothing am about to sleep actually.”

“I have something to ask you and please don’t be offended because it is last minute. My sister can’t be my Matron Of Honor anymore. She has to go to Polokwane and will only be back late on Saturday night. She can’t prevent it. Will you please step in for me please please!”

Oh, I forgot to mention that my best friend at home had not even put me in her wedding procession. Instead she had chosen her sisters and his sisters to walk her fown the aisle. Now I was last minute after thought.

“It’s ok my dear I would love too!”

I told her. I was lying of course. That jealous animal in me just rose to the surface again. She might be my friend but I was walking a mogwanti down the aisle, in her white dress, when I could not even get a man myself.

I was truly young, educated, single and by the way things looked, I doubt I was coming out of it soon.

Omg mike I feel like am reading my own diary, you have captured what it truly feels to be educated n single , am so inlove with it. The dating ca, lawyers and doctor part is so true, its like you been there

I usually never comment on your blog but damm this is gonna be interesting, honestly it’s very difficult to find a man who will love you for who you are not for sex and yeah im already a number one fan of this blog I like it already

I always fail to understand why people think girls who do not want to get married are delusional. Yes as kids we are trained on how to become “good wife” but not everybody will want to be someones wife. Yes everybody want to a relationship but not everyone want a courtship

So basically mike just told my story. Beautiful, Money, education, smart and independent but still no man. Sometimes I go out with ladies I know to a club or party. I swear they will always be asked out or men flirt with them and Nna always a young boy or a the most drunk guy will approach me. Some of the ladies don’t have cars but they will end up with THAT gentleman and will dissappear with him till Monday and come back to tell me stories the most promiscuous one got married and there was drama at her wedding cos men were fighting nje but husband won. Imagine. Nna I always go home and play with “Bob”- Battery Operated Boyfriend. I cry myself to sleep. The black woman that will sit in a boardroom and make decisions for one of the well known IT companies. I’m 33 years old and only slept with 4 men since I started having sex when I was 22. Two of them it was just once and one woke up in the morning and took 500 rands from my purse to go buy food and petrol for himself. He made me breakfast in bed though lol. I’ve been single for 3 years but Nothing hle. Decided to check and immediately delete my electronic payslips so if I get a man he won’t see them.
Nna I’m tired of Bob and just being alone.

Eish that just not so cool I am sorry to hear that . From a guys perspective i will tell you this…it is often hard to please a woman who earns more then you because they always have this mentality that they can afford whatever they wanted at that moment and give a rats ass about the guy in their lives. Majority of Woman who earn more then their partners do no respect them and treat men as a dick provider and somebody to have around the house to fix things and protect them.

I personally want an educated, smart and beautiful woman because i want a very healthy relationship in all aspect of life. If they have money thats a bonus but all i wants is respect, love and companionship. The rest we will figure out together

Morden I disagree, I am not disrespectful but I don’t take sht either. The problem is that most broke men have low self esteems it has nothing to do with a woman being disrespectful, gaesobe nako ya gago, ase nako!

@ C rekao fela, okare this Lungile girl ke nna. I work in a male dominated industry, where I meet different men daily, your powerful types mara still akena monna. They flirt but it ends there, motho lehe akao kopa di number ha ah foune, our department PA gets more dates than most of us, she is new here but setse a robetse le 5 men already, banna nkare barata bona basadi baleng loose aketsebe , it is actually said but I have actually stopped crying about it,I have faith in the Lord, It shall happen in his time.

Lol a lot of young single ladies can relate on this. I thought of my ex who out of the blue, told me that I’ll be like all other successful single ladies who struggles to find a man. Its really a struggle

I can relate , it’s so frustrating because you even think there is something wrong with you. There would go on about how kind, intelligent and beautiful you are but they will still leave for someone else .

An actuary is a business professional who analyzes the financial consequences of risk. Actuaries use mathematics, statistics and financial theory to study uncertain future events, especially those of concern to insurance and pension programs. – straight from GOOGLE.

Ironically, you’re the one who spelt it wrong. So “google if you’re not sure of the spelling”

Can’t the normal blog be continuing when u introduce these new ones as they tend to take away the feeling of suspense on the next chapter from what we are so used to, though it’s a gud read but it can’t excuse the main books

Interesting book mike and i see the ladies complaining how they finding it hard to get a guy. Men are not intimidated by your success but are intimidated about how you flaunt it for everyone to see and take notice of you. My uncle recently got married to a doctor and hes a state accountant, there’s a huge gap in their salaries but the level of respect and love she gives him is so overwhelming. How is a guy going to provide for you and care for you if you keep flaunting your money in his face? Its all about respect and love…the rest is materialistic.

Yoh Abuti so keswanetse go chaba go reila koloi yaka, go apara diaparo tse di botse, goja ko mandela square because ke chaba gore banna batloreng kanna, ke chabe goba nna because I do not want to bruise his ego? Ai sorry that I will never do. I am my own person and will not change for the sake of finding a man because I do not expect anyone to change for me.

Wow, its been a while since I last commented. thank you Mike. this is amazing.
I am successful, young, married with and have a 6yr old Son. I guess I should thank The one above as I am happy and earn 10 times more than my Husband, we have a big beautiful home and cars.but the love I get at home is one in a million and no cars or money can amount to it. I have no regrets whatsoever after a 10years with him and 7years in marriage.

Well done Mike, this is one book id like to read for sure and understand how some other fellow ladies cope out there

Excuse me ladiez in the house, No.1 rule is respect. Pride & prejudice doesn’t work.
With love something will have to give. Compromises have to be made by both.
So “lowering my standards” my foot.
U want something/someone hard enough, U make a plan to get it/him. If it means lowering yo so important standards for a while & making it work then sort of “upgrading” together, so be it! – PapaG

I think I identified one of the reason why some of the ‘successful young ladies ‘ are still single , talking about how I can’t hide my success and/can’t stop flaunting my good life because he will have a problem, maybe that’s why you don’t have a man, because he doesn’t see reason to take care of you cos u already do that and u have put up a sign of not wanting help either …. Men are natural providers, decision makers in the house and protectors, but if you will only want him just for the kids and see but don’t plan on respecting his duties as a man in a household how long do u think your marriage will even last if u get 1?

I am glad i dnt relate to Lungile relationship wise.
Yes i enjoyed my Mugg &Bean breakfast but i learned to wake up and have jam &coffee for breakfast, i adapted to KFC menu an shisa nyama on weekends, u know why ladies….. Coz i loved and respected our love regardless of the difference in our payslips.
Yes we do go to restaurants of my choice n have a three course meal.
We r in a process of getting married and have a daughter, we r happy n success never matter but happiness does. So ladies, pride aside, wealth aside, just respect n adapt if u love him, i promise u your education n wealth won’t fade/runaway.

Thank you Mike. Most of us can relate to this one including myself. I’m fortunate enough to be married now to some one who’s in the same field I’m in. We recently got married, we met @ varsity and we understand each other, have the same goals and we make decisions as a team. The other females in my field of work have the same struggle but what I can say is the right person will come to your life in God’s time, just be yourself ladies and you’ll never go wrong.

Let me see, I’m not really educated (doing my final year doing a accounting degree) not successful (o got no car,no house, and menial job) and have been single for 8 years.I been alone so long that When I look at couples I find it weired, I don’t understand the while romance anymore, I wouldn’t even know what to do with a man really(if any one ever asked me out)I don’t think I’m that ugly lol.. Stuggle is real

Wow Mike, first we have a Lungile Mbatha in the family lol she’s an elder tho….a lot of young women can relate, I for one was single for a year n half and then met this wonderful guy all was well for few months then he lost his job. He’s very distance now he won’t let me help him. I work at a bank have a car average but I’m telling you its hard I think one of the good days I’m back to being single I can smell it….

Some of us wish to be aboLungile , I went to varsity got my qualification now am struggling to get a good job instead am working @ a call center. I am engaged to a great loving guy who is an engineer . My friend who went to the same varsity are progressing so all in all ladies God timing is never wrong

I’m not that educated, like most of u ladies. I just have my matric certificate. I have a loving bf who owns a car wash. He looks after me perfectly (well that was before I got a job). Ever since I started working, he has been so distanced and thinks that I will turn my back on him. I’m tired of explaining myself always, just because he is insecure and a bit intimidated my. Please help!!