Question

My toddler wants only his father. What should I do?

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My 15-month-old loves his dad and all but ignores me. He gets excited when Daddy comes home, cries when he leaves, and walks around saying 'Daddy' all day long. I love the fact that he's so excited about his father, but I can't help feeling a little jealous. After all, I spend all day with him, get up with him every night, give him all his meals and baths, and spend a lot of time playing with him. Does anyone else have this problem?

Mom Answers

I hope this isn't a duplicate. My husband and I had the same problem with our 26 month old son and think we have solved it. It was absolutely heartbreaking for me. We both work, so it wasn't a missing daddy thing. We realized that mommy was always running around the house cleaning/cooking/laundry, while daddy was more comfortable to just sit and play with him. When my husband would try and do more housework, I would always take over, believing I could just do it faster and better. Finally, we just decided we would do more work while he slept, and take turns when he was awake. It was hard for me to just sit still and watch TV with him or play, when I knew there was so much to do, but I did it. Within just a few days, our son was back to being crazy about both of us. Great lesson for me that the house won't be perfect, and we can eat pb&j's, but his time being little is too short to miss. Hope this works for you because I understand how heartbreaking it is.

I see a lot of common issues but not many suggestions. I'm in the opposing role in this situatiuon because I am a father of a son who has been rejecting his mother. It started at about 12mo and he is still heavily favoring me at 20 mo. The fact that he seems to have more fun and laughs with me is not a problem, the issue is the rejection of his Mom's love. It saddens me to see my wife cry about it and to know my son is not building a loving relationship with Mom. Suggestions? Like someone else said: Forget the condition of the house. I dont obsess about house work and focus on playing with with my son much more. Be silly, idiotic, nonsensical. Run up to him/her say boo and run away, make them chase you. This works even when they wont be affectionate. It gets them warmed up to you more. Sit down and watch a kids movie pointing at characters, laughing at what is going on. Just be a complete goofball, not asking for affection and not acting sad when you dont get it. It comes with time.

Wow, i cannot say it feels good to read these comments, because it is a painful thing to feel like your child doesnt want you. My son has always loved his father 1000% more than me. Even as an infant, i would walk him, feed him, hug him, kiss him, bathe him, get up at night for his feedings, and he'd cry and cry and cry for HOURS... Daddy would come, take him from me and he'd shut right up.. that hurt... then as time went on and he became more mobile and in tune with things, he REALLY has had me crying... Just last week, i came home from work (daddy stays with him all day) and he was napping, when he woke up, he saw me first and started crying. i picked him up and held him and he started screaming more... he turned, saw daddy and pushed me to get to him. as soon as daddy took him, he stopped crying. i went in the bedroom and cried.. i havent felt a pain that bad in a long time. Then, today daddy left to go to the store. my son saw him leave and threw a tantrum. i picked him up and he screamed harder, making me feel angry, frustrated and SEVERELY hurt.. when he is sleepy, he ONLY wants daddy to hold him. he makes me feel like I am nobody to him. It hurts so bad.. i havent had the chance to snuggle with my son, ever. he refuses to lay on me, hug me or do anything remotely in the form of affection to me.... Soon, he will be walking and running and he REALLY wont want to cuddle... I feel like i lost out on everything, and its sad.....
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Wow, it's so nice to hear that I am not alone. I too am a stay-at-home mom and wonder why my son wants to be with his dad instead of me. I feel like I do everything and make all the sacrifices and its all for nothing. My son kicks and screams when I take him away from his dad. It is like a knife in my gut. I feel so unwanted. I can totally relate ot Jessica -- I feel I could disappear and no one would know I was gone. My only advice is to listen to wiser heads because from what I'm told it is a really good sign that he feels so safe with me that he can push me away and know I will never be too far. When I think on that, its easier to deal with. Right now he is scared to let Daddy out of his sight. So I know he needs to build that secure relationship with him too. Good luck to all who suffer this.

I am so relieved to know that there are other mom's who feel exactly as I do. Our daughter is 18 months old and usually enjoys "daddy's" company more than mine, I understood where she was coming from before I got a job. Now I don't get to spend as much time with her (as expected), although I thought she would miss me a little more. Unfortunately she seems to not notice I'm gone and has even stopped saying "mommy". It feels very upsetting. Now,if my husband or I ask her to say mommy, she replies daddy. It's almost as if she doesn't like me, I know she loves me but for a young first time mom it feels a little harsh.Thank you all for sharing your comments, I'm glad my daughter isn't the only one who wants their daddy.

I had no idea that there were so many other Mom's going through the same heartbreak as me. I am so glad that I took the time to review all of the comments. It helps to know that you are not the only one going through this. My son is now 15 months old and is preferring his father more and more. I have even experienced some of the aggressive slapping that toddlers are known for. I am at a loss. I struggle with depression and anxiety about not building strong bonds with my only child.

What a relief! I thought I was the only one that was going through the same situation. My 21-month old daughter absolutely adores her father. She follows him everywhere, and if he leaves the room for a second she starts crying and running after him. When she gets hurt she pushes me away and only wants him. I really feel like a bad mom and that I am doing something wrong. I know it sounds like I am being the "baby", but it is very depressing. I too, get very upset and cry and feel jealous, even angry at times. My husband doesn't understand at all (and don't get me wrong I am glad they have a very special relationship). I just feel, well, I just feel as the mom I am the one my daughter should come to when she is upset or hurt. What can I do? How can I deal with these feelings? I know these feelings will start affecting my daughter...

to the person that tells us all to stop writing about our own experience and only wants "answers": there is NO answer. Nobody knows, not even child psychologists. they will tell you: oh, it's because they are already secure with mommy, now they want to test daddy; it's because they spend more time with mommy, they need to catch up with daddy; it's because they spend more time with daddy, since mommy is working; it's because mommy is the discipliner, daddy is more fun; it's because daddy is the discipliner, and they love it; it's because boys need to bond with their father; it's because girls have the Edipus complex. In short: it can be anything! All we can do is support each other with our stories and experiences

Thank God it isnt just me! My daughter has preferred her dad for most of her life. To be totally honest, this devastates me. I cry about this almost every day. I am the one who carried her, dreamed about her, gave birth to her. It's MY nipples that have been stretched out, bitten to the point of bleeding. MY body is warped and saggy, not his. I LOVE my dh and dd, but the bond that they have breaks my heart. Sounds pretty selfish...I know that. When dd is sad or hurt or sick, she literally pushes me away. She's always been that way. I am not cold or abusive, I am warm and loving and gentle and generous...I have all the qualities that a "good mom" should have, but dd doesnt want any part of it. I know that she loves me but constantly being pushed away by one of the 2 people (dd and dh) who I love totally, and completely has taken its toll on me. I dont know what to do anymore, I'm so sad and tired.

I am having the exactly same problem.
My 19 months old toddler ignores me when his father is around. if I touch him he will go mental screaming kicking etc. I dont know what to do...I fell very depressed as I give all my time to him, do everything and he just shows that he hates me. I did try to go out for a whole day and left him with his father, but when i came back he didnt even come to see me. just ignored. What am I doing wrong??

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