Hi. I battle with what I think are intrusive thoughts. They disturb me to the point that I don't want to eat, can't concentrate, and isolate myself from my family. At first these thoughts were blasphemous, but now they're trying to make me do things that I think would make me lose my salvation (which I REALLY do not want to happen).... [email shortened]

One of the scary things is, I can't tell if they are my thoughts or not. I'm afraid to go to sleep, because I don't want to think one of things in my sleep when I can't fight it. I'm exhausted spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I can't tell anyone in my family because they are under enough stress already. I feel like I'm slowly dying. I feel like sometimes I can delay or stop them for a while, sometimes I can't. Can God ever forgive me? Am I really saved, or did I lose my salvation? Please help if you can.

"38 And he said unto them, Why are ye troubled? and why do thoughts arise in your hearts?" - Luke 24:38

"Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me." - John 14:1

"6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." - Philippians 4:6-8

"5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ." - 2 Corinthians 10:5

Hi [name removed],
I know what you are going through. Believe me, I sometimes have thoughts that cross my mind that make me want to die. I hate living with intrusive thoughts. They are at times completely unbearable. I find that they come on the worst when I am in sin. I also find that the only time when I am truly at peace is when I read the Psalms. Everyday for me is a battle. The Bible says that all the days of the afflicted are evil. And it says that many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivereth him out of them all (Psalms 34). These intrusive thoughts are an affliction that must be fought with the power of God. Whether the thoughts are coming from your own heart or mind, or whether they are coming from demons, no one is exactly sure. It could be a mixture of both. Although as a born again Christian, you CANNOT be possessed by the devil, he certainly can afflict with you temptations that will frighten you to death. A powerful tool of the enemy that he uses is FEAR.

"18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love." - 1 John 4:18

Often times when its not the devil trying to trick us to sin against God, it is often times the sin that dwells in our flesh and minds that cause us to commit sin. "For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not." - Romans 7:18

"6 For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.
7 Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be.
8 So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God.
9 But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you." - Romans 8:6-9

And sometimes, when we have committed sin, it can harden our hearts (Heb. ch. 3) and cause us to become sinful in our thoughts. The only way to change that is to be purified in our hearts and minds through the word of God (the Bible).

"19 And hereby we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before him.
20 For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things.
21 Beloved, if our heart condemn us not, then have we confidence toward God.
22 And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight." - 1 John 3:19-22

The Bible says that God is greater than our hearts. Although our hearts may produce evil thoughts against God, the fact never changes that God is able to purify our hearts. David prayed, "23 Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:
24 And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." - Psalms 139:23-24

Let me encourage you to try this: Go take the Bible, and when you feel those thoughts coming on, read Psalms chapter 119. Read it until you feel better (read it when you wake up in the middle of the night too). I have done this countless times (for years) and it works every time.