I think I realized what I'm looking for. I was driving home last night, listening to The System, which is my favorite XM station. Its "mind-altering electronica mix -- from the hardcore scene of the early 90s, to Trance anthems, Big Beat, breakbeat and down-tempos." Ok, whatever... Anyway, I was thinking about how that music makes me feel. There's something about electronica--the music itself, not the companion drugs--that make me feel outside of myself. Its as if I'm watching myself in a movie.

I don't want to watch myself in a movie anymore.

Like Jim Carrey in the Truman Show, when he's at the end of the man made ocean, at the door to the outside, I want to jump out and experience the unknown. I thought that was a great movie, and that scene, where he just hops out having no idea what the outside world is like is really meaningful. I just to see eye to eye with someone, open the door to something unknown with someone... bigger than ourselves. That's what I'm looking for. It doesn't matter what their favorite color is, how they dress, or who they've dated before me.

The problem is, most of the people I find are too scared to open the door. They'd rather play out the movie. Its scary to hop out of the dome with someone... I guess... I dunno, I find it a lot scarier not to ever know what's on the outside--not to know what could become of life.