Friday, August 17, 2007

Lame Meme Friday

It's busy here so I am once again resorting to lame memes. This is actually funny and even funnier at Why Are You Stalking Me where I stole it. And besides, it gave me an excuse to google "Betty White naked".

1. If I showed up at your house randomly next week, what would we do together? Eat out too much. It doesn’t take a lot to make me decide cooking dinner is too much trouble.

2. Rather than saying “I have a blogger friend”, or “I have a friend who’s a blogger”, there should be a word for this that makes it less awkward to say. Would you prefer “blend”, “frogger”, “bluddy”, “blogquaintance”, or “webbud”? Or do you have a better idea? On the web, I use the phrase “blog buddy”. In real live, I use “some loser I read about on the internet".

3. If we were hanging out together and you noticed that my balls were hanging out of my shorts, would you tell me or try to maintain eye contact and talk to me? I’d keep glancing down out of morbid curiousity. Shaved or au natural?

4. If you had no neighbors, would you buy curtains for your windows? Why or why not? Yes, we like our house dark. We’re like vampires that way.

5. Who would you rather fuck: Dan Rather or Betty White? Betty White was a Babe back in The Day. Google “Betty White naked” if you doubt me. There is even a Golden Girls Gone Wild (Do I have to warn you about the link?) art show.

6. If two girls walk into a bathroom and they both find a newly born baby in the toilet at the same time, should they have to wrestle in oil while nude to claim the baby as theirs, split it in half and share it, or sell it on the black market and divide the proceeds? Mud-wrestle. On Pay Per View.

7. Do you believe in ghosts, aliens, heaven, or mothers-in-law? Why or why not? Only mother-in-laws. My wife has a really strange one.

8. What was your most embarrassing moment of your life and do you have pictures or video that you will share with me? Some coworkers and I were making fun of what a uptight bitch the office manager was when her husband and our boss walked out of the far stall.

9. Do you know where I put my sunglasses? Mine are right next to the computer. Don’t ask, it’s a long story and not very interesting.

10. What aspect of your own blogging do you wish you could improve and why? Would you pay money for lessons taught by me to improve that skill? How much? And what’s your credit card number? I wish I were less gullible about internet scams. How soon can we start those lessons. Just charge what’s fair.

1. If I showed up at your house randomly next week, what would we do together? Well, one thing is I'd drive you past the used clothing store in town called "Yellow Jacket." And then I'd suggest that you return later and burn the place to the ground - because they're refusing to pay a friend of mine for remodeling work he did. Sorta "Strangers on a Train" stylee.ud-wres

2. Rather than saying “I have a blogger friend”, or “I have a friend who’s a blogger”, there should be a word for this that makes it less awkward to say. Would you prefer “blend”, “frogger”, “bluddy”, “blogquaintance”, or “webbud”? Or do you have a better idea? Sorry, can't answer this - too busy cleaning up all the vomit induced by those horrific molestations of the English language.

3. If we were hanging out together and you noticed that my balls were hanging out of my shorts, would you tell me or try to maintain eye contact and talk to me? I probably wouldn't be with you in the first place, because this situation would mean either (a) you're wearing way-too-short shorts, and this is not the '70s, or (b) you have way-too-enormous balls, and I'd be too envious to hang out with you. (NB: that last sentence does not contain a pun.)

4. If you had no neighbors, would you buy curtains for your windows? Why or why not? We would, because sometimes the sun's too bright. Mostly, though, they'd stay open.

5. Who would you rather fuck: Dan Rather or Betty White? Isn't Dan Rather dead or something? The internet: making necrophilia socially acceptable, since the early '90s.

6. If two girls walk into a bathroom and they both find a newly born baby in the toilet at the same time, should they have to wrestle in oil while nude to claim the baby as theirs, split it in half and share it, or sell it on the black market and divide the proceeds?

I'm sure Nicole and Lindsay would do all three.

7. Do you believe in ghosts, aliens, heaven, or mothers-in-law? Why or why not? No, possibly (although extremely unlikely to have contacted us), no, and yes. Oddly enough, I didn't believe I had a mother-in-law until I got married - then suddenly I believed.

8. What was your most embarrassing moment of your life and do you have pictures or video that you will share with me? Side note: I hate that double-possessive thing: "your...moment of your life." I mean, "the most embarrassing moment of your life" is perfectly clear, isn't it? Anyway: being outed as a grammar geek in the comments section of a bluddy's website.

9. Do you know where I put my sunglasses? In the trunk of a '64 Nova, next to the dead, radioactive alien.

10. What aspect of your own blogging do you wish you could improve and why? Would you pay money for lessons taught by me to improve that skill? How much? And what’s your credit card number? I tried creating the world's first blog done entirely by writing letters in the air with sparklers, but that didn't work out so well. I'm not sure why. Anyway, yes, I'd pay money to you, as much as you'd like. My credit card number's the same as yours. To avoid confusion, give me the cash first so's I can thereby pay you in cash when the lessons are finished.