Till swollen with cunning, of a self-conceit,
His waxen wings did mount above his reach,
And, melting, heavens conspir'd his overthrow;
For, falling to a devilish exercise,
And glutted now with learning's golden gifts,
He surfeits upon cursed necromancy;
Nothing so sweet as magic is to him,
Which he prefers before his chiefest bliss:
And this the man that in his study sits.
: Dr. Faustus (Marlowe)

Thursday, January 21, 2010

23 days: a tale of toughening up

it's been a while since i wrote anything, and now i realize that unless i feel very passionately, i don't have words.. think what you may wanna of that.. i realized that i'm very passionate about myself, what happens to me and whatever is mine, is of my utmost concern.. i just can't take it if what i perceive as wrong happens.. and i gotta get out of here, this little pond where each frog thinks he's the cock of the walk.. Nah, man.. you're just another toad. and where you sit is yet another toadstool..

i've had to do some things which i never thought i'd need to.. all this while, i was under the impression that merit counts.. sure i was never naive, i knew a little bit of networking and some right posturing also would go a long way.. yet, i never knew that sheer idiocy or stupidity or vindictiveness or vengefulness or laziness (i haven't been able to pinpoint the reason as yet) could hold sway in today's world.. but then all's well..

i still don't know what i'm made of.. i still don't know if Gurdieff was right.. in those 23 days, i've kicked, screamed, shouted, flexed my muscles, made noise enough number of times.. the days of despair i can count as 5 perhaps.. those days, i turned inwards completely.. didn't want anyone to know how strong i felt inside.. thing is that today, i still don't know what happened, how and why.. it's all a big mystery..

7 comments:

Anonymous
said...

Finally you posted something again. It is slightly frustrating because I want to know more about your 23 days. I will check your blog regularly, hoping to read an additional post. Greetings from a land where we deal with obesity (loved your former post)

Writing has always been a medium to express oneself rather than to gain popularity n benefits out of it . A writer is not all about words n phrases (they mean the same in the dictionary ) A writer is the one unheard and a writing is something not expressed .