Wednesday, 5 February 2014

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

As regular visitors to this blog will know, I am not a
stranger to fits of rage, fury and general kick-the-cat anger. I try to channel
them into humour and not kicking cats. Before anyone calls the RSPCA; I don’t own
a cat. And thank God for that, because something happened last week that would
have had me firmly planting my boot up Chairman Meow’s fundament.

The Guardian newspaper has decided to take a break from the
quinoa recipes and stories about Twitter to run their own film awards. You
know, because what the UK film industry really needed was another evening spent
in a London hotel function room eating cold food, slapping each other’s backs
and listening to video speeches from actors who couldn’t be arsed to get on the
plane from LA. Yeah, that’s just what a national film industry that is in decline requires.

So, there’s the usual suspects; best director, best
performance, best film etc. Hang on a minute, this looks like fun. There’s a category
for ‘Best Scene’ and ‘Best Line of Dialogue’ instead of ‘Best Screenplay’. Okay,
I think it’s difficult to ask people to judge those things out of context.
Still, at least it’s recognition of the writer’s craft and how we use dialogue and
scenes to build a story and characters…

Except it’s not, because those trendy wankers at The
Guardian haven’t actually bothered to involve the writers in those categories.
Indeed, in the Best Dialogue category, they’ve listed the actors that learned
those lines, but not the writers that actually wrote them.

This is what incites my genuine and deep felt rage. This utter
inability to understand how films are actually made coupled with such a spectacular
lack of basic respect for my profession. The idea that months, often years, of
work by a writer can be boiled down to a line of dialogue or a scene that
looked good on the trailer is bad enough. However, not even bothering to credit
the men and women who stared at a blank page or computer screen and then conjured those
lines and those scenes from thin air, is unforgivable.

Because that is what screenwriters do, They create the
characters you love; the dialogue that made you laugh; the scenes that broke
your heart, FROM NOTHING. Before a DOP touches a camera, before a costume
designer touches a sewing machine, before a producer touches a phone and before
a director touches some poor unfortunate starlet on the casting couch. Before
all that there is a writer and the blank page.

And that is certainly before anyone designs the fucking poster
or edits a few clips over an Ed Sheeran track, but the Guardian hacks still
think that the ‘Best Marketing Campaign’ is more worthy of an award than the writers.

I’m assuming that the bright spark that came up with these
award categories was one of the imbeciles who couldn’t understand why the
silent film The Artist received an Oscar nomination for Best Screenplay. The
sort of imbecile who will never understand the tyranny of the blank page and the
sheer hard work that goes into creating a credible script with a narrative
structure and complex characters. To isolate just one line of dialogue or a
scene shows an ignorance of film, not a love for it.

The very least that the Guardian could have done was credit
the writers of the films from which they arbitrarily lifted scenes and dialogue,
but they could not even be bothered to do that. So, I’ll do it for them.

Blue is The Warmest ColourAbdellatif Kechiche, Ghalia Lacroix (Based on the book by Julie Maroh)

The Wolf of Wall Street Terence Winter (based on the book by Jordan Belfort)

Behind the CandelabraRichard LaGravenese (based on the book by Scott Thorson & Alex Thorleifson)

American HustleEric Warren Singer & David O. Russell

NebraskaBob Nelson

PhilomenaSteve Coogan & Jeff Pope (based on the book "The Lost Child of Philomena Lee" by Martin Sixsmith)

Robot and FrankChristopher D. Ford

HerSpike Jonze

That took me about 10 minutes to look up on IMDB. It shouldn’t
really have been a stretch for a paper that apparently prides itself on the
quality of its journalism. But then the journalists probably just, you know,
throw a few ideas together. It will be their editor that whips it into shape.
It’s actually all about the typeface and the pictures that he chooses, the
words aren’t that important. Are they?

See what I did there?

It seems to The Guardian that we writers are not even worth
ten minutes of their time. However, it is worth saying that other publications
are equally dismissive.

I’m looking at you Empire; allegedly the World’s
Biggest Film Magazine. Let’s not even talk about how your photo shoots of
actors usually have them in sharp suits whilst the actresses always seem to
have forgotten to put on their trousers. Perhaps you could take a break from
turning into Loaded and actually list the writers on your film reviews? Perhaps
interview them once in a while? Because without writers there is no film for
you to actually write about and no reason for Jennifer Lawrence to be naked and
covered in blue paint.

It’s not about money or credits or claiming ownership of
films. It’s about respect.

This is like having an award for the best fire put out with most lives saved and forgetting the fireman who carried out the work.Do any guardian journalists get awards or is it just the typesetter - printer - newspaper stand seller - editor who get/s the credit for wonderfully non biased, individual, written Guardian paper articles ....

Amazing. Especially as The Guardian is currently heavily pushing the following course from their homepage:http://www.theguardian.com/guardian-masterclasses/introduction-to-screenwriting-with-kate-leys-dave-calhoun-film-course

It's my flow and I'm entitled to spoil it. I've got form for writing about the disparity in the representation of women in our industry, so not really off point. And if you think that being concerned about that continuing disparity is 'childish'... Well, you're entitled to your opinion. Thanks for your input.

About Me

TV Writer and all-round Leeds-based gobshite. I've written episodes of Fat Friends, Emmerdale, New Tricks, Robin Hood and Waterloo Road. Wrote one experimental radio play, Bitter Pill, but I didn't inhale. Now developing various projects (that's how you say it, isn't it?).