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Allowing your life to unfold is a beautiful way to live because you have no expectations, of yourself, of anyone. Therefore you’re never disappointed – only pleased – and sometimes surprised. What expectations do you have that are actually holding you back?

Expectations of yourself

What would it feel like to simply let yourself love yourself – exactly as your are? No thinner or fatter, no younger or older, no more outgoing or more poised. Just being you and loving yourself for being that.

We are each unique. We are a distinctive combination of our gifts, our passions, our beliefs and our past. Those are all mixed up into what we expect.

But what if we didn’t expect anything of ourselves? Would we be pleasantly and continuously surprised?

Drop your expectations of someone else

If we expect someone to act in a certain way, we have to drop that. It’s their path, their journey. If we want them to do something for us, we have to stop looking outside ourselves and instead do it for ourselves.

You’ve got enough to do for yourself without waiting around for someone else to do something you want them to do. It’s a waste of time and energy.

Expectations of success

We do our work and expect it to succeed. We even have a certain set of measurements for success – sales, completed projects, clicks – whatever we’ve decided will point to success.

But what if you simply put your work out there and trusted? Trusted that it would reach the people who needed to hear it, touch the hearts that were ready to receive it, changed the lives that were ready to be changed? There’s no measurement of “success” when you trust your work to touch the lives it’s supposed to touch.

Let go of expectations

That doesn’t mean you don’t need to have a goal, or move in a thought-out direction; but when you stay open to the doors that open in the process, you may find yourself on a totally different journey than the one you expected.

It’s time to test my belief system. If I believe my thoughts create my reality, what have I done! If I believe all change begins within myself, how do I change? If I’m faced with more negativity than I’ve seen in my entire life, what am I going to do about it?

“Everything in the universe is within you. Ask all of yourself.” - Rumi

Where do I begin?

I am now clear that I’ve been very unaware. I was moving along in my own bubble without truly understanding how a great many people in this country think and feel. And most of all, I wasn’t aware of what they need.

Like everyone, I was focused just on what was working for me. We all do that. We’re all operating from what we need. There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s natural, but it would serve us to develop a broader viewpoint — to see the other person’s need and beliefs.

What do You WANT to feel?

Feeling safe is at the top of a lot of lists. Safe to live our lives in the freedom of expression that we cherish in this country. I’ve managed to quieten my own personal fears because I’m pretty clear that taking away things from seniors is not very high on the list but there are many people in this country who have good reason to fear the current change in our country.

When you rely on and deepen your spiritual connection with everyone else on the planet, you can begin to heal. The group energy of oneness has the power to connect and balance.

What do I want to feel? Not scared. Not appalled. Not unbelieving. Not judgmental about the emergence of the total opposite of what I believe at my core — that we are one.

How do I feel like I’m one with someone who holds an opposite viewpoint?

In my daily life I avoid persons who don’t share my interests and viewpoint. I don’t hang out with them. I don’t have conversations with them — because our interests and beliefs are so polarized.

But that won’t heal me, or them.

It’s all very well to talk about loving others, but when high school students are making racist signs there is only one place they learned that — from their parents. And that means there are huge pockets of hatred alive and well in this country.

I thought we had moved beyond that.

How do you counteract what you feel is evil?

How do I want to feel? I want to feel accepting of others and somehow — I can’t even write this down — I need to feel love toward those who are expressing thoughts and emotions that I’ve worked hard to remove from my life.

All I can do is work on myself

How do I want to feel? Safe. I want to keep the planet safe. I want people to be safe. I want there to be kindness and cooperation and support. How do I do that? What do I do?

I don’t know. I visualize our wholeness. I join with others in group meditations to help feel and heal our oneness. I send energy to the well-being of everyone and everything on the planet. And I go within and trust. I trust that my spiritual belief and my spiritual practice will see me through this.

Peace begins within me. It begins with my own thoughts and actions. It begins with my understanding and empathy for the wide range of self-expression that’s present in our world.

We have power

I don’t mean power over others, but power to balance and heal ourselves. We have power to not participate in harmful words and actions. We have power to deepen our spiritual commitment and expression, whatever we choose to have that look like. That power is within us. It’s ready to respond to our choices. What do you choose? How do you want to feel?

Go within and heal yourself

Change what you can change in your own life expression. And trust. Trust that healing is possible, alignment is possible, compassion is possible. And begin working on yourself. Strengthen your own spiritual practice. Begin there. And hold to the emotion of connection that you want to feel.

There’s only one way to be mindful – that is to be present in the moment. Present to the feelings in your body. Present to the focus of your mind. When you are mindful, you’re filled with the power and beauty and simplicity of the present moment. It’s a powerful and impressive place to be.

Corral your wandering mind

“What if’s” get in the way. We spend time thinking about what has not even happened and may never happen. That’s not productive.

The tendency to plan needs to be modified too. It’s about control – if we do this, then that will occur. When you begin to live in the moment and allow your life to unfold, nothing is to be considered but the next step. You choose in the moment.

Be attentively curious

When you’re mindful, you hear the sounds of silence. You feel your cat breathing under your hand. You notice your own body and perhaps sit up a bit straighter, or relax your shoulders. You actually hear the sound of silence.

Be attentive and curious in whatever you’re doing. You’ll hear the subtleties of nature and feel the Qi energy moving through your body.

Bring mindfulness to your actions

The practice of Chi Walking asks us to be aware not only of our posture but also of how we place each foot. Yoga asks us to breathe into a tight place and invite the breath to release. The mere act of eating mindfully will totally change your experience of nourishing your body. Act with mindfulness.

Create a mindfulness reminder

Mindfulness takes practice. To develop the habit of mindfulness we need a trigger, a nudge, a reminder to bring our mind back from its wandering and allow our entire being to be present.

When I’m working at my computer, I have a timer that calls to me every 20 minutes. It’s a signal for me to check my body for poor posture, tight muscles and too much intensity focused on my work.

When I stand up, I take a moment to stand straight and tall, to invite all the proper muscles to do their work correctly.

There are times I simply listen – to the world around me, to my own rambling thoughts – and make a conscious choice to still my mind and simply “be” for a moment.

Cultivate Wu Wei

In his book Do Nothing and Do Everything, Quiguang Zhao says, “Wu Wei is a behavior that arises from a sense of being connected to the world. Your inner voices, the voice of nature, and your intuition are your connection to the Tao.”

Listen to your inner voices and those intuitive nudges that invite an aligned action. Listen to the rhythm of nature, the natural flow that has no calendar, or watch what simply unfolds in the perfect time.

I’ve never felt so tested in my life. Idea and beliefs have emerged that I thought no longer existed in this country because I’d been working so hard on my own spiritual path. And yet, here I am, faced with so much negativity I didn’t even know existed.

This is a huge opportunity to grow

Where do I begin? What do I work on in my own life? How can I change my energy into one of empathy and compassion and tolerance and acceptance?

I, like you, am trying to figure that out.

Don’t let it pull you down

First we have to have faith. Faith that core values such as kindness, inclusiveness, respect, and freedom of expression are still prevalent in our country. I know I can find that in many people I interact with. I can nurture and support myself by continuing to interact with those who are focused on inclusiveness. Who I hang out with matters.

Understand the opposing viewpoint with open mindedness

Judgment sneaks up on you. I got a good look at my own unconscious judgmentalness in the grocery store. There’s a man who works in produce whom I’ve had friendly exchanges with. It was the day after the election when he asked how I was doing. I answered, “Trying to recover.” He said, “I know what you mean.” And we began to talk about it. He laughingly said he wasn’t one of the white men who caused this, as the news polls were indicating.

As we talked, I mentioned that we had to stop using fossil fuels in order to stop global warming. He said he was from coal country. That immediately shifted my thinking. I had an entirely different picture of what people in that profession were like. I mentioned that one of the challenges is the need to retrain people because the technology changes so rapidly. He said he couldn’t do the technical things but his kids could. He was not drawn to it.

So here was a beautiful person who had surprised me and made me realize that I’d been holding certain beliefs and ideas about people, based on their profession. I’d had an entirely different picture of people in the mining industry. It was based on not knowing and not learning in order to know.

Try to move beyond your own needs and beliefs

I’ve mentally dismissed a huge portion of the population because they’re different than I am. I have to work on that. I realize that while I spend time searching for people who share my interests, I have thrown in some judgmentalness about those who do not.

Test your own beliefs

Look carefully at how you subconsciously judge others, particularly people who don’t share your way of life. And here comes another possible judgment. It’s probably those who are the most flexible and expansive in their spiritual practice who will be among the first to figure out how to heal our country.

People are already gathering in group meditations throughout the world. I participate in those. How do we include and feel empathy for people who are so removed from our own experience? It’s a huge opportunity for us to grow.

First you work on yourself

There’s only one thing we really have control over. That is our own feelings, beliefs, actions, and words. One of my first steps is to look at how unconsciously judgmental I am. Once I’m aware of that tendency, I have a chance to change that.

I’m shaken by the amount of anger and prejudice that’s so prevalent. And yet people are simply trying to survive. All of us. Each of us.

What do you believe?

This opportunity to grow ourselves is enormous. We have so much deep spiritual work to do. We have so much compassion and empathy to extend. We have so many of our own beliefs to question and alter.

Are you wiling to change?

Here’s the tricky part. There are some beliefs that I’m not willing to change. When I say they are my spiritual beliefs I realize that people who seem opposed to the way I think are responding to their own beliefs.

I don’t set out to change their beliefs. I just get to work examining and adjusting and questioning my own — moving my own spiritual growth towards feelings my oneness with everything. It’s not always easy to do.

We have to heal

We have to heal ourselves. Only a portion of the population is willing and even prepared to do this. And they can be on either side of these divided beliefs.

All we can do is work on ourselves. This is a huge opportunity to explore. To question your beliefs, to expand your spiritual awareness. If this country is an example of a peaceful transferring of power, an acceptance of our beautiful diversity and a strong spiritual foundation, let’s prove it. Let’s work on ourselves to heal and unite.