Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Behold Your Comic Book Messiah

It's a well-known fact about me that I enjoy comics about punching and slinging pop-culture references like I think I might win something for it. And that is why today, I almost fainted from a pure feeling of joy that I can only liken to the thrill of a first love when I stumbled across what may be the perfect comic book. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...

MR. T AND THE T-FORCE

Look upon it, ye mighty... and despair.

Mr. T, of course, needs no introduction, but in the world of Neal Adams' head circa 1993, T isn't the van-driving star of Rocky III that we all know and love. Instead, he's a two-fisted vigilante with unexplained futuristic technology hell-bent on beating drug dealers with their own assault rifles and rescuing unwanted babies from dumpsters, all while videotaping himself as evidence to put the criminals away for good.

It is mind-shatteringly awesome, and that's not even getting to the part where he blackmails a kid into taking care of said dumpster baby.

But T isn't just about punching. He's about dropping knowledge, as evidenced by pearls of wisdom like this:

Sound advice for today's youngster.

I'd always been under the assumption that the T-Force was a group of scrappy inner-city kids that T kept out of trouble and employed in his efforts to clean up the streets, but after reading the first two issues, I'm pretty sure I was wrong.

The T-Force isn't an organization. No, it's apparently some kind of mystical energy field that gives Mr. T superpowers. Superpowers that help him to battle the real problems faced by today's kids.

Namely, Drug Dealing Incan Robots With Guns For Arms.

And the guns shoot vials of crack. And five pages later--I swear to God--Mr. T fights space dinosaurs.

the basics

"Chris works at a comic book shop so he reviews all the latest releases, but the real awesomeness lies in his ability to find obscure or forgotten comic books and write hilariously sarcastic reviews that make fun of them. They deserve it!"--Blair Butler on G4 TV's Attack of the Show!