"He was kind. He disliked hatred. He wanted everybody to be happy," Tristan's father Jeff uttered. "He was quiet and reserved in public. But when he was around his friends, he was witty and outgoing. He was just a brilliant kid."

Jeff Miller's thoughts aren't rare. In fact, you'd be hard-pressed to find an enemy of Tristan's. But all too often, our own worst enemies reside within our own minds.

The demons inside

Nobody knew and nobody thought about it ... that is ... nobody but Tristan; and that's how he wanted it to be.

His introverted personality allowed him to shield others from the pain he dealt with on a daily basis. While he was stuck inside his own mind's prison, his friends and family saw nothing abnormal.

The Miller family keeps Tristan’s memory alive through photos and other mementos in their home.(Photo: Robert McGraw/Gazette)

"He was happy all the time. I don't know if I've ever seen him without a smile on his face," Tristan's friend and teammate Chad Ison said. "He was your average high school teenager who loved basketball and music."

Basketball and music were escapes for Tristan, but when he was alone, waves of depression slowly engulfed his thought process.

"There was just nothing there, no signs of him indicating something was wrong," Jeff said. "He had perfectly hidden depression. That's the term for it. And I think he understood what he was going through because he helped so many people who had depression. We've learned that. We still have people thank us for his generosity."

Tristan's ability to nurture those around him spoke for itself. But his unselfishness came with a price: while he cared for others, he forgot to tend to his own well-being.

No. 21 was caught in a catch-22.

An unexpected goodbye

Normal. Just like any other day.

That's how Nov. 12 began for Jeff and Jennifer Miller — Tristan's mother.

"Tristan slept in that day. It was a Sunday," Jeff recalled. "He was in his normal, happy mood. He was talking about growing his hair out a bit longer and the future of his music. He talked about the future. There was nothing out of the ordinary in the least bit."

Around 3:30 p.m., Jeff and Tristan's brother Trey went hunting while Jennifer was helping her sister paint a newly purchased house.

Tristan was left home alone.

"Every time we leave a room, any of us, we tell each other that we love each other," Jeff said. "Trey told Tristan he loved him that day. Tristan just smiled. So Trey walked back in the room and said, 'I said, 'I love you.' Tristan said, 'I love you, too.'"

After a successful hunt, Jeff and Trey headed back to the house with a deer. They pulled into the driveway, opened the garage door and came face to face with terror.

The depression had finally won a war that's fought all too often.

Tristan had taken his own life. He was 17 years old.

"The garage door didn't open all the way," Jeff murmured. "I came up under the door and Tristan was literally a foot in front of me. My baby boy ... just a really indescribable feeling. Complete terror and dread. The most incomprehensible feeling I've ever felt."

After performing CPR, calling paramedics and notifying family, Jeff and Jennifer raced to the hospital.

With their three kids by their sides — Trey, Hannah Miller, and Tyler Kuhner — Jeff and Jennifer waited for a miracle to happen.

Instead, doctors confirmed the unthinkable.

"That moment is the first thing that goes through my head when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I close my eyes at night," Jeff said.

Remembering Tristan

Like Tristan's family and friends, his entire hometown community was and is in shock.

There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to what happened, and there was no forewarning. From teachers to teammates to random acquaintances, Tristan's loss felt like a massive gut punch.

"I'm still in disbelief. Just stunned," Todd O'Dell said, a teacher and basketball coach of Tristan's. "As a teacher, I had him in class and when I go to pass back papers and his is in the pile or when you look at his desk and he's not there, just things like that. It stuns you. That a daily thing."

Thoughts such as O'Dell's are commonplace.

"When I first found out, I was shocked. It didn't make sense. We were best friends. He could've told me anything. It still doesn't make sense. Every day, I think about talking to him. Think about seeing him. It's tough," Chad Ison said.

The shock factor extended to Tristan's calling hours and funeral service, where his family was awestruck by the entire area's showing of support and love.

Tristan Miller’s basketball locker stands as a remembrance to a life cut short. Miller's No. 21 is folded neatly while a single rose, in reference to Tristan's nickname "T-Rose" accompanies. (Photo: Robert McGraw/Gazette)

Tristan Miller’s basketball locker stands as a remembrance to a life cut short. Inside, Miller's No. 21 is folded neatly while a single rose, in reference to Tristan's nickname "T-Rose" accompanies. (Photo: Robert McGraw/Gazette)

Like this topic? You may also like these photo galleries:

"The whole experience was overwhelming. You have two scheduled sessions of calling hours and we did about 12 hours of receiving friends and family. Overwhelming is the only word that comes to mind. Tristan touched so many lives and he would've been in awe of how many people supported him," Jennifer said.

Time is supposed to heal all wounds. But in this particular case, the clock's hands are moving at a tortoise-like pace.

That's especially true for Tristan's two brothers, Trey and Tyler, and sister Hannah.

Trey, who also plays basketball at Zane Trace, habitually hears his brother's name at school, walks by his locker every afternoon and hangs around teammates who are still at a loss for words.

"Our relationship was very strong," Trey Miller said. "We basically did everything together. It was hard getting back in the gym without seeing Tristan there," Trey said. "But I've gotten better at it. Seeing everybody wear 21, I like it. It keeps his name going and we want to remember his name. That's what we're trying to do."

Tyler shared the gift of music with Tristan. The duo would get together and write songs, play along with their favorite artists or just mess around with an instrument in hand.

"We shared that together," Tyler said, with a slight smile. "If he were here right now, I'd just say, 'Let's go jam.' And then we'd talk about how many arenas we were going to sell out. That's what he'd want to do. He had so much talent. So much."

CLOSE

Tristan Miller's life ended on November 12, 2017. His family, friends, and coaches talk about the type of person Tristan was and how his death has impacted the lives around them.
Robert McGraw/Gazette

Tristan had several favorite bands including Bon Jovi, the Foo Fighters, Avenged Sevenfold, Guns N' Roses, Def Leppard, etc. Tyler and Jeff have tried to reach out to Dave Grohl, the Foo Fighters' lead singer and Avenged Sevenfold via Twitter and email.

Their hope is that someone who's in the national eye can use Tristan's story to speak to other teenagers about dealing with depression while raising awareness for mental illness.

"Tristan got his first drum set for Christmas when he was about three or four years old," Jennifer said. "Then it just progressed from there. His most current drum kit is phenomenal. He would go down and play drums every night. We would turn the TV down and just listen to him play along with all of his favorite bands. It was amazing."

Jennifer said the family would have friends come over while Tristan spent time with his drumsticks. They'd ask, "Does that ever get too loud?" and they'd say, "No, it's never loud enough."

Now, the silence that creeps out of the basement is like a deafening roar.

"I would give anything to hear him play those drums one last time," Jeff said. "Anything."

Honoring 21's memory

Shirts with "Play for 21" inscribed on the front and the letter T encapsulated by a single rose on the back — Tristan's nickname was T-Rose, after his favorite NBA player Derrick Rose — have spread like wildfire.

Wristbands, jerseys, hats, and hoodies are being sold in Tristan's memory and the money goes toward the Tristan Miller Music Scholarship Fund — those who want to contribute can donate at Kingston National Bank.

Tristan Miller’s basketball locker stands as a remembrance to a life cut short.(Photo: Robert McGraw/Gazette)

Tristan's older brother Tyler even created an internet challenge that raises mental health awareness. Its hashtag, #Fallfor21 challenge, is becoming a household name on Twitter.

"We just have to stick together," Tyler said. "We have to keep his name alive. And with different events that will be coming soon, I think that's what's keeping us going and I think that's what he would want us to do."

Tristan is gone, but if his family has any say in the matter, he will never be forgotten.

And they'll meet again.

"I believe Tristan went to heaven," Jeff said. "There's no doubt in my mind. There's no way that our God could deny, in my eyes, a pure soul like Tristan's who helped countless people. We will see our son and our brother again one day. I'm sure of it."

Finding a better way

For whatever reason, Tristan Miller was convinced he didn't have another option.

But he isn't alone in that way of thinking. Thoughts of those who attempt or complete suicide get stuck in circular thinking patterns and often are convinced loved ones would be better off without them as a burden.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health's latest statistics, in 2015, suicide claimed the lives of more than 44,000 people and was the second-leading cause of death — only to unintentional injury — between ages 15 and 34.

In Ross County, Tristan was among 15 deaths ruled suicide so far in 2017 - a few death rulings are pending - which is up from 12 suicides in 2016.

Just before Zane Trace's basketball team walks out onto the gym's floor, Tristan's No. 21 hangs as a reminder of a fallen teammate.(Photo: Robert McGraw/Gazette)

Right now, in high schools across the nation, there are students who are contemplating traveling the same route Tristan took.

But Jennifer Miller hopes they choose a different path.

"Talk to a friend, talk to a parent, talk to a teacher," Jennifer said. "The quicker we can take away the stigma, the better. We have a responsibility to let people know that it's OK to not feel right and be able to talk about it."