I’m in this great relationship but I am scared beyond anything else I’ve ever felt.

It is future and my present.

What if this isn’t right?

How do I test him to make sure he will be there when I get sick again?

I’m so pathetic and acting so morbid to want to be really Crohnie again and see what he does, how he reacts. I want to see if actions will reflect all of the words he’s spoken.

Leap of faith.

Because if I need him much more than he needs me, I don’t think I can let it go. I want a level playing field and my Crohn’s tips it every time. I know I always wanted someone to want to be with me, but I don’t want someone to be with the sick Louise that is no doubt going to come around again.