Pizza Slice Friendship Necklace: For People With More Than One Friend

We “social masters” are tired of being discriminated against. Why all of these “one friend, two piece” necklaces? I could never give one of my minions special treatment, because then my other minions would feel sad. I value my worthless social minions, and am excited to hear that I can now include them all! Thanks, Pizza Slice Friendship Necklace!

How to use the Pizza Slice Friendship Necklace:

First, you will need to get eight friends. This can be done relatively easily, as long as you’re not an awkward turtle and can carry a conversation. If you get sweaty pits and pass out at the thought of talking to others, then a silent gesture will be enough. (Bring $20’s, just in case you happen to look extra weird that day.)

Next, you will need to purchase the beautiful piece(s) of jewelry shown above.

The only thing left for you to do, after having purchased the Pizza Slice Friendship Necklaces, is to force your eight friends to wear them. If you need to accidentally on purpose make your friends go temporarily unconscious, then do what you have to do. And if you get caught, I was telling you the whole time that it is entirely illegal and immoral to ask unconscious people to befriend you. Only befriend conscious people – they are less likely to have diseases and will stay friends with you for a longer period of time.

If you followed all of the above steps exactly as they were written, one of your friends should be attractive as the friend shown below: (complete with the out-of-place seductive expression):

Remember to remind friends that these necklaces are not for eating. These necklaces are for wearing. If you do have a group “necklace-eating party,” just make sure that everyone keeps the chain on so that you can pull the pizza slice back out in case of an emergency. (Hint: swallowing a metal slice of pizza is almost always an immediate medical emergency.)

You can pick up one of these Pizza Slice Necklaces for £14 (~$19 USD) over at the Lazy Oaf online store. Lazy oaf.