Breaking the news

Last summer, a young man gave me a tough task. He came out to me as transgender, and asked me to tell his parents that their son was becoming their daughter.

He couldn’t do it himself; so afraid was he of being rejected, dismissed, or even evicted from his family home. These fears are not baseless (57% of transgender individuals experience family rejection)

and they made it unbearable for him to even think about breaking the news himself.

I was friends with the parents and was sure they would not stop loving and caring for their child. Still, was I the right person to break this life-altering news? Could delivering this news cost me their friendship?

But this young person trusted me with incredibly personal information, and I couldn’t refuse the request. No matter the potential cost to myself, it was nothing compared to what he was about to go through.

I went to their house filled with dread, nervous about giving new definition to the phrase “rock your world.” Let’s be honest – there’s no good way to learn that your child is transgender. There’s no perfect combination of words that makes it easy to accept that your son is about to change everything about himself – name, clothing, hair, mannerisms, voice.

Tears rolled down the mother’s checks, and the father said, “This is unbelievable,” not once, but a dozen times. I felt for them.

The father asked, “Why are you telling us this?” I’d barely said that their child was afraid of being rejected when the father interrupted with a firm refutation of the concept of abandoning his child. “Never. No matter what.”

When his wife finally spoke through her tears, she wanted to know, “Will my child find friends? Will people be mean? Will my child be happy?”

Not once since that summer day have I heard these parents ask, “Why me?” or, “Why us?” or, “Why my child?”

Within a week of learning that their child is female, the three of them embarked on counseling – not, as some might expect, to talk their child out of transitioning into a woman, but to help them all through the transition process.

The unconditional love of these parents will help their daughter so much. Acceptance is vital to the human experience, both in the home and the world at large.

Sadly, the unconditional love these parents have for their child is not shared by the State of New York. The civil rights of transgender people are not respected or protected under New York State law.

New York must pass the Gender Expression Non-Discrimination Act this year.

I don’t know very much about transgender people but am learning more everyday thanks to your blog. I love this particular blog and share Anne’s sentiment, it was a lovely story. Much love and support, Shammy

My son came out to us shortly after he went away to college. We both supported him from that moment…but, inside I was terrified, not because he was gay, but because of how he would be judged by others.

It’s been years since then and the joy and happiness we’ve received from our son has been nothing short of miraculous.I’m closer to him than I ever was, both my wife & myself have made many new friends from the gay community. I can truly say That I’m glad that my son is gay…when he came out, so did we.

I’m telling you this because I see no difference between Transgender, gay, lesbian or being a red head with freckles! Ok, freckles are a little creepy…just kiddin’. Thank you for your warm hearted stories!

I just wish my parents had been half as supportive when I came out as trans. It all got written off as me having a poor body image and I’ve been shoved back in that closet. The joy the young lady must have felt upon knowing that she wasn’t to be rejected is without bounds. I’m so glad.

I’m sorry that your experience wasn’t better. Perhaps as people learn more about what it means to be transgender, your family will be more accepting. There are a number of resources that I suggest for families; if you email me at transhelpny@gmail.com, I will send you the links.