The Dancing With the Stars celebs had to hoof it Monday night
doing fast dances -- the jive and the quickstep - for the beloved,
bickering judges Carrie Ann Inaba, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli.

Here's how it all went down: Sabrina Bryan.
Louis Van Amstel said he was going to push Sabrina, and in rehearsal
footage we saw her fall head first down a small flight of stairs. But
they opted to keep the move in and it paid off. They raced to the dance
floor and were almost late to start their elegant quickstep to Black Betty.
Bruno loved the dance, citing a rare "treble kick." Carrie Ann raved,
saying that was "ridiculous" and that she loved Sabrina's "grace and
drama." Len loved that her upper body was "calm and under control" but
her legs were going to town. Scores: 9, 8.5, 8.5 = 26

Gilles Marini.
Sidelined by a pulled muscle in his thigh, Gilles said it was difficult
for him to kick all week. He went to a doctor who told him to rest,
which, of course, he couldn't do. His jive showed no signs of any leg
problem. It was lively and wild, filled with high energy (and high
hair!) with partner Peta Murgatroyd to Queen's Don't Stop Me Now.
Gilles dedicated it to his dad, who died 17 years ago today. Carrie Ann
said his "kicks and flicks" were the best of the night. Len said it was
"fabulous." Bruno pumped his fist in the air: "Great!" Scores: 8.5,
8.5, 8.5 = 25.5

Shawn Johnson. Her "secret weapon" is
gymnastics, and she worked it into her jive with pro partner Derek Hough
as they cartwheeled down the steps at the start of their '50s-style
dance that oozed cuteness. Derek, in a coat and tie, was huffing and
puffing at the end, while Shawn barely seemed taxed. Len said he wanted
to see "more." Bruno said it was "vibrant" and "eye-popping." Carrie Ann
agreed with Bruno, dubbing them the "all-star sweethearts." Scores:
8.5, 8, 8.5 = 25

Apolo Anton Oho. The Olympian said he was
fired up after not being in the top three last week. His quickstep
included a lot of tricky traditional footwork that he pulled off
perfectly with partner Karina Smirnoff. Said Len: "Gold medal." He cited
his speed and control. Bruno said his "footwork was incredible." Carrie
Ann: "Someone put on his competition pants tonight." She loved that he
was "truly driving the dance." Scores: 8.5, 8, 8 = 24.5

Melissa Rycroft. Dancing a jive to a ramped-up Shout!,
Rycroft sped to keep up with the music. Len said she set the bar
"high," and loved her "technique." Bruno called her "the fastest gal in
town," saying it was one of the "fastest jives I've ever seen" but
quibbled about her footwork. Carrie Ann said she was "meant to jive."
Scores: 8, 8, 7.5 = 23.5

Helio Castroneves. "I'm used to
fast, but not on the dance floor," said the race car driver, so he put
pro partner Chelsie Hightower into one of his fast race cars. She
screamed the entire time. Their wild jive to Neon Trees' Everybody Talks
rocked the floor and ended with Chelsie giving Helio three kisses.
"Nothing happened!" he insisted afterward. Len said Helio's "got style
with a smile." He liked Helio's kicks and flicks, but said he got a bit
"over-enthusiastic" at times. Bruno said it was a "delicious treat of a
jive" but sometimes Helio "pumped it a little too high." Scores: 8, 7.5,
7.5 = 23

Emmitt Smith. His
partner, Cheryl Burke, told him to keep his head straight. "It's
crooked," she said. Explained Emmitt, "Football. I've been hit over
4,000 times." Their quickstep showed off his head and his feet, and,
while he looked sharp in his red tails, he didn't wow with his footwork.
Len criticized his posture but liked the "overall feel of the dance."
Bruno liked the energy but said his "frame wasn't quite right." Carrie
Ann said he didn't up his game this week, as other contestants did.
Scores: 7.5, 7.5, 7.5 = 22.5

Joey Fatone. "Even though I'm a
big boy, I can still move it. I'm going to take this large waistline
and work it harder than anyone else." His quickstep with Kym Johnson was
like an old-time silent movie and included Kym dancing on a couch and
Joey jumping over it - to an oddly swingy version Radiohead's Creep.
Carrie Ann said it was a "fantastic performance" but there were a "few
mistakes." Len said, "Poor posture, bad footwork, lost body contact,
frame wasn't constant, but I really enjoyed it." Bruno said "it was big
and bold" despite the mistakes. Scores: 7.5, 7.5, 7.5 =
22.5

Drew Lachey. Their punk jive showed off Drew's muscles and movement skills to Fall Out Boy's Dance Dance.
Bruno liked it, but said he was a little "flat-footed." Carrie Ann
said, "We've never seen this kind of thing," saying it was "edgy." Len
also mentioned that Drew needed to get on the balls of his feet more,
but didn't think he'd be in the bottom two again this week. Scores: 7.5,
7.5, 7.5 = 22.5

Kelly Monaco. After her partner, Val
Chmerkovskiy, was critical of her big bouncing boobs, Kelly made him
wear water balloons in a bra to see what it's like for her. Their fairy
tale-themed quickstep proved to be smooth, not bouncy, as Kelly glided
around the ballroom floor in a sparkling gown. "Pretty in pink and
extremely elegant," said Bruno, but added she "messed up a couple of
steps." Carrie Ann said she needed to extend her lines more. Len thought
her "spins were terrific." Scores: 7.5, 7, 7.5 = 22

Kirstie Alley. Ah, the old Maks Chmerkovskiy is back. A little
bit. In rehearsal footage, as Kirstie struggled with the jive, kicking
her knees up like a cowboy, we saw Maks tie latex gloves around her
legs. "It was a little creepy, a little effective and definitely Fifty Shades
of Maks," said Kirstie, laughing. Then we saw Maks telling her, "You're
not moving! You're not active... What are you doing here!? Move!"

Said
Kirstie, 61, "I'm trying to compete with people who are younger than
me. Three lifetimes of Shawn is how old I am, so he has to push me." He
called her "grandma" at one point. On the dance floor, their jive was
saucy and fun, with Kirstie sporting a short black wig and shaking a lot
of fringe, a French lady of the night. Carrie Ann said, "You are
workin' it. Age is just a number." Len said it was "neat" and "precise."
Bruno said she "played it beautifully." Scores: 7, 7, 7 = 21

Bristol Palin. She decided to dance a quickstep to Redneck Woman
by Gretchen Wilson "because this song is so me," she said, "because I'm
a redneck. I always have a baby on my hip. I'm fishing, hunting,
shooting." Palin took partner Mark Ballas to the firing range to get him
into the idea. And while Bristol tried to shake her sparkly Daisy Dukes
on the dance floor, their number was more stunt -- including knocking
Mark out with a beer bottle at the end -- than it was a dance. Mom Sarah
and dad Todd Palin were among those giving her a standing ovation, but
Bruno pointed out several things she "messed up." Carrie Ann said she
had "come so far," but was mad they broke the rules and didn't "stay in
hold." Len liked the enthusiasm of the dance but didn't like the break
in the middle and criticized her technique. As for why he broke hold,
Mark told Brooke Burke-Charvet he just wanted Bristol "to have fun."
Scores: 6, 6, 6 = 18