Stewie: (Wearing Brian's hair on his chest and in his diaper) Hey Baby!Jillian: Hi Stewie!Brian: What the hell are you doing?Stewie: Eh, not much really. Just me and ma pubes, haaaaangin' out.Brian: Oh dear God.Stewie: Boy, I am so beat from doin' adult stuff all day.Jillian: So am I.Stewie: (while stretching, reveals Brian's hair in his armpits as well) I just feel like kickin' it tonight. (A pair of fuzzy dice fall out of Stewie's diaper) OH! Look at that, I'm growin' all the time.Brian: Hey, uh Jillian, can you give me a minute?Stewie: Ya ever just let yer balls hang out B-ri? Ya ever do that B-roni? Drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was Bry?Brian: Give me my hair back. (rips it off of Stewie)Stewie: Ow! What the hell, man?!

Woman: I am not doing that Glenn.Quagmire: Come on beautiful, keep an open mind.Woman: You're a sick man!Quagmire: Hey keep it down, I don't want my neighbors seeing a fat, old, dirty whore screaming at me on my front lawn.Woman: Whore? Well maybe I should come inside.Quagmire: Well maybe you should.

Stewie: I mean, what kind of a man would I be if I ran off now?Brian: Well, you would be a black man.Stewie: Wow, wow, whoa, what was that?Brian: Ahh I'm sorry, I'm sorry that was my father talking.Stewie: You uh, gotta work on that man. Bad dog.

Brian: Stewie?Stewie: Yeah?Brian: It's not your fault.Stewie: What?Brian: It's not your fault.Stewie: I know. Brian: It's not your fault.Stewie: (annoyed) I know. Brian: No Stewie, Stewie. It's not your fault.Stewie: Don't do this to me man, not you man.Brian: It's not your fault.Stewie: Screw you, cut it out man!Brian: It's not your fault.Stewie: (cries) Why is it so hard? I didn't know it was going to be so hard. (cries)

Peter: Alright Joe, let's lose the wheelchair and shoot this thing.Joe: Peter, I can't lose the wheelchair, I need it to move.Peter: Okay yeah, but your character can walk.Joe: Peter, I'm handicapped. I can't walk.Peter: Okay Chris, roll film. And, action! Joe, get outta the damn chair. Chris, get the cattle prod. (zaps Joe)Joe: (While flying out of his chair) Ahhhhh!Peter: Okay, now give him some peanut butter so we can make it look like he's talkin'.

Stewie: Well if you think I'm a baby, then perhaps I should act like a baby! Waaah! Waaah! Waaah!Man: Hey can you keep that kid quiet?Stewie: Oh, oh, oh, what's that? What's that sir? What's that, uh ,uh I'm, I'm sorry am I being too loud for you? You want to come over here and quiet me down?Olivia: Oh, let's not do this. Brian: Oh God Stewie come on.Jillian: I'm scared.Stewie: No, it's okay. It's okay. Sir, do you feel strong? You want to come over here?Man: No, I want to stay here and have my steak.Stewie: Oh yeah?Man: Yeah!Stewie: What is that, the Porterhouse?Man: Yeah!Stewie: How is it? Man: What do you care?Stewie: If we weren't fighting, would you recommend it?Man: Yeah I would.Stewie: Well, I know what I'm getting.

Stewie: Hey babe, what do ya say, we goin' out Saturday night?Olivia: Stewie, what are you doing here? I told you, I'm just into a different type of guy.Stewie: Oh yeah? I'll tell you what you're into. Bein' ugly.Olivia: Stewie, you're being mean.Stewie: No, if I was being mean, when you opened the door, I would have said "Oh, Hey Ray Liotta, is Olivia home? Oh wait, you're Olivia". You see, I thought you were Ray Liotta, because your skin has the texture of a decorative autumn squash.(Olivia begins to cry)So, I'll pick you up at seven?Olivia: (while sobbing) That sounds wonderful.

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(Stewie and Olivia arriving late to dinner with Brian and Jillian)Stewie: (exhales) Sorry we're late everyone, but JonBent here took forever with her make-up.Olivia: Ah yes, and we probably would've shaved a few minutes off our trip, but Mr. Cheap-o here refused to let the valet touch his Big Wheels, so we had to drive around the block six times till we could find a spot, (crosses her arms) but to his credit it's a great spot to get mugged.Stewie: (sarcastically) Oh wouldn't that be a shame, if they took all my money in both our wallets.

(Brian and Stewie sitting at table)Brian: So what happened?Stewie: Well, you wanna know what I learned this week? Being a grown-up sucks. Women, Brian...what a royal pain in the ass. It's like, it's like, why can't you just hang out with guys, you know? Just live with someone of your own sex. Just do what you would do with women, but with your buddy, you know? Why don't guys just do that?Brian: They do, it's called being gay.Stewie: Oh, that's what gay is? Oh yeah, I could totally get into that.