Tonight I was returning home from work, when on the side of the road I saw a doe with a man standing beside her. Right away I knew someone had hit this creature and it was a matter of time before the authorities would come and destroy her. I probably ought to have kept driving - but I have this big love for wildlife and animals and I wanted to be with her. Actually, what I wanted to do, was put my hands on her side and try to take away her pain. Since i've never worked with animals especially ones in distress, I didn't dare this feat, cuz one kick from her and I could be fatally injured. I found my mind searching for afose, words of power, for prayer, for the proper neter / deity to call forth to attend to this situation. i could not find the words. My memory has etched the catholic prayers from my youth, that no longer hold truth for me, and what little I know of African Traditional religions does not include the appropriate prayers, or verses. Maybe this is the source of my throat chakra blockage? I truly believe i ought to have been able to help this creature before the authorities arrived, either by hastening a quick passing or healing her wounds. I don't know where this belief is emerging from, but it's there. This is the first time I've owned it.

I watched as the blood came from from her nose, her one leg was broken and she was scared. Her family had watched for awhile and then left, as if all too familar with her fate. The police arrived - it turns out that our wildlife animal services doesn't work 24 hours a day, and they deal with bigger animals. In my heart I believed she could have been saved, but three big men stood around like veterinarians and spoke of how she was suffering, and it's policy to destroy the animal. The person that hit her, hadn't even stopped.

I knew I would hear the gun shot, and as I turned my vehicle around to head back towards home, I saw the officer aim his rifle and the deer bucked because his first shot didn't kill her. He came close and possibly the second one may have been fatal. I screamed out loud all the rage I've been holding. Somewherein my mind and my consciousness I don't believe this is what the world was meant to look like. Destroying our wildlife, destroying our planet, our children, our elders, sometimes I can't take the brutality of it.

I know that death is a part of this reality, but I don't accept the needless destruction of the beauty that is all around me. When I look into the sky, or out to the mountains, I feel emotional because it is so remarkable, and mankind needs to be in harmony with it, to protect or honor it. The Red Man is virtually gone from this land that he used to walk. And the Black Man is assimilated or endangered. The yellow man is so close to the white man in it's disdain and separation from the earth that they just take over the environment and heartlessly pludner it. I screamed tonight, not for the deer, but because I desire a different reality. I desire a divine intervention - is there a form of Creator / Creation that can see what is happening? If I am that form, a Goddess to walk the earth, than how do I remember my abilities, how can I call forth the power of the neters? Why do I feel like I ought to be able to do something, and yet not know how to perform the action or ceremony? If the Creator / Creation is an omnipotent force outside of me, when will it bring this earth back towards the course of life over death?

Maybe, tonight, a baby died in her mother's arms, cuz there wasn't any food or necessary care.Or, tonight, an elderly person is neglected or abused because isolation of our old people is now socially acceptable, and maybe tonight another young man is incarcerated to have his soul institutionalized - I know this happened while the deer suffered - tonight there was mourning for the passing of life, and the deer to me was that symbol. I need to see someone, something, anything saved. I need a hero a divinity to call my own. A power that triumphs over death, operates in the here and now, doesn't claim to be a mystery and isn't on a totally different plane, where I need to ascend in order to reach it.
I need this like I need the air to breath, cuz I need some faith in our tommorrow. The one where my son will grow up to hopefully climb the mountains, watch the deer and talk to his elders; and know that institutionalization is a heinous relic of the past.

Not everyone is going to relate to my post, and that's okay. I just thank you for letting me speak my heart and find a safe place tonight to cry.