Middle-class colony in Kerala town joins two trees in wedlock to keep away evil spirits

Grow more trees is all the cry: they are thought to be a panacea for all ills, environmental or otherwise. And of course, two trees are better than one, which explains the unusual ceremony celebrated with much pomp and circumstance in a Kerala town recently.

For some time a middle-class colony of the town had been plagued with an increasing number of accidents. The residents hit upon the idea of joining two trees in holy wedlock to propitiate whichever of the gods was playing with their lives and property. The female of the species was a graceful neem and her bridegroom a majestic aspen.

Most of the endearing aspects of a human wedding were present. The neem, already a very attractive bride, was made even more so by draping her in a colourful sari. The aspen had his masculinity enhanced by a dhoti.

Superbly-embossed invitation letters were sent out to colony residents. It wasn't a very expensive affair too, and the Rs 7,000 that was spent on it came from well-wishers. It remains to be seen if the leafy wedding will keep away evil spirits.

Love Ride

Trekkers come in various shapes and sizes: those who take a brisk walk to the bus stop, those who stagger along mountain paths, and those who go for a constitutional along the length and breadth of India. Sudhakar Rao, a personable young man, was of the last category, and he arrived in Vijayawada one day limping and asking for food and shelter.

The bigwigs of the town fell in love with him: for a whole day Rao's life was one large round of parties thrown by the police and other officials who lauded his perseverance and the ingenuity of the Indian shoe industry. Rao's ambition, he said, was to walk 35,000 km.

It was with great reluctance that the town let him carry on. The police gave him some money and patted him on his way but one doubting sub-inspector sent a constable after him. Rao was spied having a few drinks at a bar, and then caught red-footed just as he was boarding a bus to his next destination.

Brought to the police station, he sighed and explained that a fruitless love affair was the reason behind his taking the world for a ride. The next walker who comes to Vijayawada will have his blisters carefully examined before he gets anything.

Sex Mix

Women are sometimes at the receiving end of telephone calls which are not exactly comme il faut. The immediate reaction of most women to such harassment is to slam the phone down. So the romeo at one end of the Line in Delhi was pleasantly surprised when the sweet voice at the other end responded to his cooings with passionate billings. The conversation went something like this:

"You have a beautiful voice!""I'am a very beautiful person!""I want to meet you.""I want to meet you too.""Where?""There is a nice cosy restaurant near X market.""I'll be there.""Cootchie-Koo"

The romeo put on his flashiest polyester, high heeled boots, did up his hair and went. He found a sweet young thing sitting at a table and sat down next to her. A few whispered exchanges took place. Queerly, the young thing wasn't showing him her face and it was only after a lot of coaxing that she did only to reveal the delicate feature of a young man with an obvious predilection for the similar sex.

Driver's Ark

It never rains but pours- Bombay, at least. On one day last fortnight, Bombay nearly drowned in a deluge which lasted only three hours but seed for those three hours to have brought back the miserably wet days of the flood. One of the places which looked like the great Salt Lake was a road in Colaba which was in eight feet of water. The only vehicle which could make it through was the sturdy BEST double decker bus.

One gentleman wanted to get to the other side of Colaba and couldn't. His car had vanished under water and he was not willing to get his clothes wet by wading-swimming rather-through the lake. Half an hour of fretting and waiting for a BEST bus went by and he got incrasingly desperate it- appeared that he had to get to a religious ceremony somewhere-and could be seen bobbing in and out of his house window at 11 a.m. however, he exited in triumph and soggy wadersby grinned in acknowledgement of a masterstroke-he was curled up in a plastic tub, floated for 200 yards or so to (comparatively) dry land, when he handed the tub to a shopkeeper and went on his way, whistling.

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