Long Story

My first sexual encounters were with guys, both older and younger than me. I started when I was 13 and secretly played with other guys until college. I also dated girls in the traditional sense. None of them knew that I also liked guys. In college, my interest swung almost exclusively to girls. I think through maturing I had realized that I wanted a traditional life with a wife and kids. I dated a few women with mixed results. Then one night at a party I locked eyes with this amazing woman. She was attractive but not Hollywood beautiful, which was more my type anyway. We started to date and it progressed swiftly. One night we had both had a few drinks which loosened up the conversation and I asked her if she had ever been with another woman. Mind you this was the late 80's when bi-ness in women wasn't as hip and accpeted as it is now. She said "sure, I've experimented". She told me of the 2 encounters she had had but she was a novice in bisexuality compared to my past. I told her I had something to tell her about myself and my past. Among many other things, I just let loose with all my past experiences with guys. I knew from an early stage in our relationship that I wanted to marry this woman and there was no way I wasn't going to be completely honest with her about everything. To my amazement, she was totally cool with what I had done...even seemed somehow impressed by it. She said I was a "highly evolved man", her words exactly. She was also cool with the fact that I had a fetish for women's panties and nighties and she even let me wear hers sometime. She loved seeing me like that, not as a full crossdresser, which i am not, but just in her panties and camis and whatnot. After college we married. We both got good jobs, bought a house and seemed to be living the dream. The first couple years were great. I had pledged to her that my bi days were behind me, and that i was hers exclusively. Funny but i don't remember her saying the same thing to me, but at the time I didn't notice it. She had grown to like using a ******* on me. She said "this'll keep you wanting any more ****" and it did. It satisfied my anal needs plus it seemed to give her a sense of confidence and power that she found intoxicating. I loved my wife and no thoughts of being with any other person ever entered my head. I wanted to grow old with her. After a few years we decided it was time to have kids, and so she became pregnant and we had a beautiful little girl. I was estatic! I couldn't believe it when i held her the first time. Over the years she has become the apple of my eye and she is very much daddy's little girl,though she is now 15. After the birth of our daughter something changed in my wife. She became less fun, more serious, more bossy. She told me I had to stop wearing panties, she didn't want our daughter to see that. I complied and bought some male briefs. Not good enough, she said. Still too "sissy". Granted some where bikini briefs in bright colors and patterns. I bought some tighty wighties....nope, you need to wear boxers. We had an arguement over this because I don't like boxers and never have, but I did what she said. I was so happy with my little girl and our home I would've given up anything for them. I doted over our daughter and was very active in raising and taking care of her. My wife made a few comments like "you're a real good mother aren't you???" I wasn't trying to be a mother, I was trying to be a PARENT. I think she was jealous of the attention I gave our child but I don't think I paid any less attention to her. In fact if anything I loved her more and would do anything I could to please her. Maybe that was my mistake. I did a lot of house work, prepared a lot of the meals, etc etc....My wife said to me one day after I had had the day off from work and had spent it cleaning the house and prepared a great meal for us when she got home "you're the best wife in the county" very sarcasticly. We ate in silence. I felt crushed because i knew something wasn't right. After that night, things became even more chilly between us. I begged her to tell me what was wrong, but she'd just say "nothing! stop being so dramatic" or "we're older now, this isn't college" but I knew something wasn't right. Couple years go by and nothing much had changed, though we did have some good days in there, especially doing things with our daughter. One night the wife seemed in a good mood and I was so happy that things were all good right then that I told her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. The look on her face sent a chill thru me. She muttered a half hearted "i love you too" but it wasn't enough for me. I said "well that's VERY convincing, thanks!" and spent the night on the couch. THings hadn't changed. I began to think that maybe she wasn't being totally honest with me. It was obvious that she hated my nurturing ways with our daughter and that she was holding my past against me, though at this point I hadn't been with another guy in ages. Sex became rare, and the times she'd use the ******* on me, she'd say things like "yeah, take this you sissy *****" and 'you're gonna make my dinner after i **** you in the *** *****". She had used erotic language withme before but it was never insulting. She had to travel a lot for her job while my job let me do a lot of my work from home. She came home from one trip and would barely look at me. She said she was tired and going to bed. I had a meal prepared but she said "not hungry". I knew something was up. I went into our bathroom and found the panties she had just taken off. There was male *** in them. I tasted it cause naturally I know what it tastes like. Yep, no doubt about it..she was ******* around on me. I exploded into the bedroom and got on top of her and felt inside her ***** and there still *** in there. She hadn't even bothered showering. She tried to deny it but she knew I had her dead to rights. She told me that she had been having an affair with a co-worker for over a year. I had to leave because I seriously wanted to kill her. I knew I had to calm down so I spent the nite in a hotel. The next day I still didn't want to see her so i left a message at her office that I wouldn't be home that night. Somehow she found out what hotel i was at and came to my room. She was feeling very guilty, but not really over what she had done. She just felt bad when she saw how crushed i was. She told me that at first my bi past and my panty wearing and the strapons and ****** didn't bother her, but then she started wanting a "real man, a normal one". I told her "but I gave up the panties, and as far as the ******* that's YOU that brings that out, not me" which was true. She said "but in your heart you're still a sissy boy and don't deny it". That was partly true. I'm not an overly fem guy, but I suppose I do have some flourishes that could saw as feminine. Plus all the things I did around the house that I suppose were, in a traditional house, womanly things to do. Hell, I was just helping out since I was there more! She told me to come home and that for our daughter's sake we would live in an open marriage. This wasn't what I wanted my life to be. But she let me know that while she loved me that she was no longer "in" love with me and that she would see other guys. She said "so can you...you won't need that ******* when you've got real dicks to play with". I didn't want it this way, but that's what our marriage has evolved into. The guy she was sleeping with transferred so she took up with another one. Honestly, I don't know how many men she's sleeping with. For the first 6 months of this "arrangement" I didn't do anything with anybody. I *********** a lot, lol....I kept hoping things would get better between us. I would've totally forgiven her had she sought it, but she never did. So finally one day I broke down and told this entire story to a woman I had gotten very close to at work, though in a completely platonic way. She was very understanding and held me while I cried my eyes out. After that emotional ****** (that's what it felt like..I so needed to let all that out) I started to feel better, but was still sad over my dysfunctional marriage, knowing my wife was ******* someone else. The woman who I had shared this with knew a bi guy and said to me "you should meet him". I was hesitant but agreed to after some time. He was around my age and VERY good looking and we were obviously attracted to each other at first sight. We had sex that first night. There was little connection between us beyond the physical though, so we both moved on. Since then, I've hooked up with several guys. For some reason I won't be sexual with another woman. It's crazy but even though I'm probably more attracted to women than men, for some reason I feel as if I'd be betraying the wife..even though she's ******* someone else and makes no secret about it. So that's where I'm at. I see guys on the side, she does too...We sleep in seperate rooms now. We keep up a happy facade around our daughter though and for now I don't think she's any the wiser of what's really happening. The wife and I agreed to stay together until our daughter is thru college, then we will divorce. I don't want to live this way. This way of life was practically thrown at me as my only option. I won't do anything to break my little girl's heart and she needs 2 happy parents at home. The wife and I have learned to be nice to each other so on the surface it seems normal, even though it's so ****** up lol... A friend told me about EP and I spent last night reading stories on here. I thought it might be good for me to share my experiences with others. Sorry this was so long but I wanted the whole story to be told and I want even strangers to know that it wasn't me that broke my marriage, it was my wife. That's important. There is no repairing it now.

My heart hurts for you.<br /><br />It sounds like you truly want -- optimally -- a great sex life within the context of a loving, safe relationship, regardless of the gender of your partner. It seems like your wife either didn't understand that, or it wasn't very valuable to her. I happen to think it's a very attractive and lovable thing about you, and I'm sad that she lacked the capacity to appreciate it properly in you.<br /><br />I hope you're able to extricate yourself from whatever hang-ups your wife (or ex ??) is dealing with, accept that you're a wonderful person who happened to end up in a bad marriage (though not for your lack of effort!), and move on to more fulfilling relationships. There are so many men and women out there who would treasure you for who you are -- not resent you for who you're not.

Thank you both. <br /><br />Jenny-Thanks so much for your understanding comments. My wife is simply not the woman I married, and I wonder sometime if she's not having some psychological problems. I've suggested therapy to her but of course I get rebuffed. And yes, I did burst in the bedroom and felt her *****. I'm serious when i say I wanted to strangle her right then and there!! Self-control got the better of me, lol..I'm afraid you're right about my daughter. She already senses that things aren't right, even though for her own good we try to put up a good front. I'm now not sure if our plan to stay married until she's in college will work or not. Several factors are weighing on that. Thanks so much for your concern and kind words! I checked out your pics jenny and you're a baby doll!<br /><br />Jack-Thanks, and may I say...nice ***! ;)