Today, I wanna write an update on the latest development in my transition into a guy.

Since December, I had three visits at the sexologist, the last one yesterday afternoon. I also had already a check up at the endocrinologist, internist and psychologist. From the health point of view, both internist and endocrinologist confirmed that I am fit to start the hormonal therapy, though they both mentioned I should loose some weight. -_- I guess I really should. I’ll get the report from psychologist by the next session at the sexologist, which will be already on 13th of March, but I suppose he will just confirm the diagnosis and there will be nothing more standing in the way.

Truth is, Dr. Fifkova (my sexologist) had already wanted to prescribe me the hormones yesterday, but as much as I want them right away, I want to wait till I put everything in order in my “old” life. So, I got the paper for the home office to allow the change of name to neutral form. You see, in Czech, and pretty much every other Slavic Languages, it is normal to differentiate between male and female surname by adding -a or -ova at the end of male surname. So, for example, if male has the name of Novak, then his wife / daughter / etc. will be called Novakova. It’s stupid, but we live with it. That said, when going through the transition, you have to change your name to neutral form for about a year – which is the period of one year from starting taking hormones up until the actual official change of gender, which is recognized only after removing of reproduction organs from the body, thus completing the transition. In that one year, you are officially still recognized as the gender assigned to you at birth, my national number stays in the female form too (because yes, not only our surnames but also national numbers differ from male to female), but I can choose a neutral name, so that I can pass better. Unfortunately, with all the mess with the names, choosing a neutral surname can be pretty tricky and you can end up being called Novaku or Novakovych – both these forms are not usual and as such draws automatic attention which you are trying to avoid of course. Anyway, sorry for the lesson in Slavic names. What I wanted to write about is that I went to the home office today and applied for the change of my name. The lady at the office was really professional (I live at a pretty little town, so I kinda did not expect that) and really helpful. Not only she said there is no need to wait the 30 days it can take to get it proceeded, but she also accepted my chosen name “Sam” as a neutral form of Samuel and, to my amazement, also the surname in the completely male form – I should say that my surname is not really original in any Slavic language, it’s originally from France I think, so it would be kinda super weird to see the neutral form of that.😀 On Monday, I am going back to the home office to sign that I will not withdraw my application and then they will send my birth certificate to Prague where I was born to get me a new one. With that, I can change all the IDs and start presenting myself under my new name. Yippee!

I also got a paper for my employer that gives them short explanation of what is going on and asking them to accept my wish to start living as a male from now on. I plan to speak to my boss sometime during next week, or maybe even this Friday – I wanna give him time over the weekend to read on it and think about it. Up until now, I have met with nothing but acceptance and support, from my close friends and my family alike. I have came into contact with doctors that work with trans people for years, so I didn’t have to explain everything awkwardly and I even got to learn many useful information. Maybe that is why I am still waiting for the blow and since my workplace is the last on my list to come out to, I am scared that this is where the blow will be coming from. I am sort of prepared for it, but it still doesn’t prevent the knot in my stomach every time I try to imagine telling them all…

I have gotten my first binder last Friday and I am already wearing it now every day. I read and heard other FtM guys talking about how great it is despite some discomfort and how they wouldn’t go out without it now that they tried it. I was looking forward to it, but I was a little reserved. I mean, I lived with my body and what inevitably came along for quite a long time and as much as I hate it, I have never really tried to bind. I bought a sports bra that was pretty binding in October last year and I did refuse to wear anything else since. Until I got the real binder. Not only it is more comfortable than the fucking sport’s bra, which is really stupid considering women are actually supposed to be working out in it (!), but the result is so much better than I imagined! And I feel so free. I know it is all in my head, but to hell with psychology, I haven’t felt this good for years! And yes, it is pain to get on and wear it the whole day long, but I can’t imagine putting on a bra and walking out of the door now.

So, that’s pretty much it for today. It’s gotten longer than I expected, as usually, and I really have to get some sleep today because I have to go to my stupid job tomorrow again…😦