And the Oscar goes to… Michelle Obama

There is a nasty word for how the Obamas act when it comes to wanting to be seen with the 1% Hollywood crowd, but I’ll skip sharing the term other than to say it’s the title of a song by Nine Inch Nails.

Nevertheless, fresh off of demeaning the Office of the President by doing “The Happy Snapper” with Jimmy Fallon in drag, the first lady managed to find a way to claw her way onto the stage at the Academy Awards. Because, hey, what would a Hollywood event be without at least one of the Obamas being the center of attention?

The decision to have Mrs. Obama’s smoky gray gown, seemingly made of tinfoil by Naeem Khan, be the last couture gown starwatchers see for the night was orchestrated by Obama bundler/Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein’s 18-year-old daughter Lily, and rivaled in secrecy only by what took place to pull off the “Zero Dark Thirty” killing of Bin Laden.

When the idea to show up on the big screen via satellite at the 85th Academy Awards was pitched to Michelle, rather than politely decline, the first lady’s response to Academy president Hawk Koch and Oscar show producers Craig Zadan and Neil Meron was “Yes, I think it’s a great idea. We watch movies all the time at the White House. Let’s do it.” Remember, in Michelle’s world, eating carrots all the time at the White House has made her an authority on health and nutrition.

In keeping with the Obamas’ laundry list of historic firsts, Michelle Obama can now proudly add to her razor-thin resume that her crashing the Oscars was the first time a president or first lady has ever presented an Academy Award.

Bidding adieu to formal dinner mate Governor Chris Christie, who sat beside her during the White House Governor’s Dinner, Michelle dragged a crew of military retainers, I mean personnel, to the Diplomatic Room, who stood in the background looking more like butlers than soldiers while she spoke.

As an aside, it was right about that time, sitting in my $20 PJs from Target, that it struck me as odd how sparse the whole event turned out to be. As a matter of fact, I posted on my Facebook page, as a joke, that Obama – meaning the president – should show up on the screen behind the Dolby Theatre stage.

By now I should know that with the Obamas truth is always stranger than fiction, and no sooner had my fingers disengaged from the keyboard when Jack Nicholson, who should really invest in better looking eyewear, introduced a 50-foot Michelle Obama, who he couldn’t see if his life depended on it.

Chosen for the same reasons her husband was selected to receive the Nobel Peace Prize in 2009, Michelle, looking like she was going to explode from excitement, peeked out from under her now infamous Kerry Washington bangs and said:

Welcome to the White House, everyone. I am so honored to help introduce this year’s nominees for Best Picture and to help celebrate the movies that lift our spirits and broaden our minds and transport us to places we have never imagined.

Either way, Mrs. Obama, whose movie expertise is surely matched by her health and fitness knowledge, then said “These nine movies took us back in time and all around the world. They made us laugh. They made us weep and made us grip our armrests just a little tighter.” Except for the “laugh” part, that intro sounded more like the nation’s reaction to Obama’s first term than any of the movies nominated for best picture.

Dressed up like a mirrored disco ball with a huge “M” on her abdomen, Michelle channeled James Lipton when she opined:

They taught us that love can endure against all odds and transform our minds in the most surprising ways. And they reminded us that we can overcome any obstacle if we dig deep enough and fight hard enough and find the courage to believe in ourselves.

How eloquent. Sounds like somebody got carried away with the movie cliché generator.

Predictably, Michelle took the opportunity to infuse a down-for-the-struggle sentiment into her remarks when she said, “These lessons apply to all of us – no matter who we are or what we look like or who we love, but they are especially important for our young people.”

It’s hard not to notice that of late, it seems that for both Michelle and Barack “no matter who we are or what we look like or who we love,” has officially replaced that old Alinsky/Obama favorite, that the “world as it is just won’t do…we have an obligation to fight for the world as it should be.”

The first lady finished her Oscar appearance by saying, “Every day, through engagement in the arts, our children learn to open their imagination, to dream just a little bigger, and to strive every day to reach those dreams.” Hopefully, those dreams will not include starting a small business, becoming CEO of a large corporation, or joining the ranks of the 1%-ers at the Oscars, because in Obama’s America the odds of fulfilling any dream are getting smaller and smaller.

Michelle then thanked the roomful of overpaid phonies, all of whom are compensated for being just a tiny bit better at reading off a Teleprompter than her wannabe thespian husband.

Her closing line was either directed to every designer that dressed her in 2012, or all the big donors who helped her husband reach the dream of inflicting himself on all of us for another term: “And I want to thank all of you here tonight for being part of that vitally important work.”

With that, Michelle ripped open the envelope and announced the Ben Affleck-directed “Argo” as best picture, which Canada-loving/America-hating Ben Affleck later remarked made him feel like he was “sort of hallucinating.”

Yes Ben, “sort of hallucinating” sums up perfectly how America feels seeing Michelle Obama’s giant-sized face on the big screen at the end of the Oscars.

So now Oscar winner Ben Affleck knows how the rest of us feel, being forced to endure the everywhere-you-turn Barack and Michelle Show that used to be called America.

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