Archaeologists gather to explore relics of carbon market civilisation

Seen better days: Lofty columns mark the entrance of the archaeological site, their former glory shrouded from view

A select group of archaeologists gathered last week in Barcelona to explore an ancient site where the remains of a formerly opulent carbon market society have recently been exposed. Although the organisers were expecting a large turn-out of reputed experts at the meeting, the final turn-out was rather smaller than hoped.

Nevertheless, as excavations progressed the diggers began to uncover relics offering fascinating insights into the civilisation that made such a prosperous living out of the thriving carbon market of yesteryear. Shards of glass resembling champagne flutes suggest that the society once had much to celebrate and regularly toasted one another’s success with champagne, something unimaginable in modern times.

Roof fallen in: Columns hint at ancient splendour of the market

Ancient scraps of papyrus inscribed with curious hieroglyphs known as “emissions reduction purchase agreements” have also been found, featuring astronomical financial figures amounting to €15 or €20 per tonne, or even more. Curiously, everywhere the archaeologists looked they came across vast quantities of semi-preserved remains of strange round articles that vaguely resemble modern-day hamburgers, except that they are far too small. Dr. Firk Dorrister, former White House archaeologist who is leading the excavations, said “these strange miniature ‘mini macs’ have led us to believe that the people of the former carbon market civilisation were either much smaller than we are today, or that they had really tiny mouths.”

Perspective problem: artist’s reconstruction of how the microscopic burger-like objects would appear next to a modern-day, normal-sized adult hand

“Come to think of it, perhaps this means that only children were involved in the ancient carbon market, and that all this carbon play was but a game”, he added thoughtfully.

As more of the rich seam of artefacts is uncovered, experts are now pointing to signs of a potential resurgence of the ancient civilisation, rising out of its ashes to re-establish itself as a prosperous and exciting market in far-flung lands.