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President Bush suffered a sharp dip in the Gallup Poll
Thursday. The numbers show that the president would lose next
year's election to an Unnamed Democrat. The next day all of the
Democrats were campaigning with paper bags over their heads.

Charles Schwab had bombs left outside his Carmel office and
his Pebble Beach home last week. The discount stockbroker is
almost disappointed that neither one went off. For over three
years, Charles Schwab has been predicting another boom.

Howard Dean spoke in Buffalo last Monday to a national
college convention of Young Democrats. It's a start. Howard Dean
hasn't had a drink in twenty-two years, so he's got a lot of
bridge-building to do before he can connect with college students.

Kato Kaelin wrote an open letter to Kobe Bryant in
Philadelphia Magazine. He offered cheerful advice on how to stay
popular during a rape trial. Kato Kaelin is living proof that at
some time back in the 1960s, Gilligan and Ginger had a child.

Chemical Ali was captured alive in Iraq on Thursday. He will
be glad to have U.S. military protection. Cybill Shepherd just
said she made out with Chemical Ali twenty-five years ago when his
name alone would get him into any disco in Manhattan.

Alabama rallied to support the banned Ten Commandments
display in Montgomery on Thursday. They can't read them enough.
Too many politicians in Washington were raised to believe that the
Sixth Commandment reads Thou Shalt Not Admit Adultery.

The Gospel According to John is the name of a new movie
starring Christopher Plummer to be released next month. The movie
was three years in the making. It took one year to shoot all the
scenes and two years to find a Bible in Hollywood.

Archaeologists last week discovered the remains of a hunter
in a Swiss Alps mountain glacier. The hunter died three thousand
years ago from a knife to the back. It's the first evidence that
recall elections did not originate in California.

Governor Gray Davis offered driver's licenses for illegal
aliens Monday. Activists are also demanding drinking fountains at
illegal crossing areas. California homeowners have about a year to
decide whether they want to change over to pesos or Astro Turf.
California Democratic Party spokesman Bob Mulholland told
British newspapers Thursday that any son of a Nazi German soldier
will never be elected governor of California. That's unfair.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is as American as apple strudel.

Las Vegas was hit by a rainstorm Wednesday causing flash
flooding that buried cars in ten feet of surging water. The
rescues were spectacular. One motorist pulled on his door handle
and won fifty thousand dollars when three catfish came up