Today marks the beginning of the Lunar New Year, so what the hell are you cooking up? Grubbing on long noodles is believed to add longevity to your life and you’re going to need the extra luck to offset whatever dumbass plans you have with fireworks later. The fennel and ginger in here do fucking wonders for your digestion, there’s no celebration required to work those into your diet. So this year take control of your plate and leave the fireworks to the pros.

Cook the noodles according the package directions, rinse them under cool water, and set them aside. Slice up the fennel and carrots into thin matchsticks about an inch long. Remove the stem from the kale and slice it up into thin strips about the length and width of your finger. Mince up that garlic and ginger too since you’re already chopping shit up.

In a large wok or skillet warm the oil over a medium-high heat. Add the fennel and carrots and stir fry until the vegetables begin to soften and char in some spots, about 4 minutes. Stir frequently. While that’s going down, mix together the tamari, vinegar, water, oj, and chili paste in a small glass.

When the veggies in the wok are ready add the ginger, garlic, and kale. Mix those motherfuckers up and cook for another 30 seconds. Rinse the noodles again, shake off some of the excess water, and then add them to the wok. Turn down the heat to medium. Toss the noodles together with the vegetables and add the sauce. Cook for another 30 seconds just so the noodles get warm and the sauce gets cooked in. If it starts to look a little dry, calm the fuck down and add another tablespoon or two of water. Turn off the heat, fold in the green onions, and taste that shit. Add more vinegar, hot sauce, or a splash of tamari if you want. I don’t really give a shit how you customize your flavor. Serve hot and topped some more green onions.