Opinion

A husband’s needs in a Godly marriage

Dr Ike Nnene shares with us his views on the part a wife can play to meet her husbands needs in a successful and happy marriage.

The dynamics within marriage are extremely powerful. When the needs of both partners are met the outcome is a most amazing atmosphere of connectedness and unity which guarantees that the marriage will endure and thrive.

Meeting her husband’s needs should be every wife’s goal, just like every husband should give meeting his wife’s needs the utmost priority.
The bible teaches us that God’s plan for man and his woman would be that woman would be ‘help meet’ for him. The sum total of the effect of a wife on a man’s existence should be help.

“And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Genesis2:18, KJV
“She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:12, KJV

Examining one’s own experience of needs met can be very illuminating. We can gauge how well our needs are being met by examining our emotional responses concerning the events in our marriage. Do we feel positive and fulfilled about what the marriage is doing for us? When we undertake a recollection of what we have done what kind of memories are evoked? How excited are we concerning our marriage, and how much pride do we exude internally and externally concerning what we have?

I feel on top of the world when I can see and feel that my wife, Linda is loving and caring, being kind and intentional in supporting me and dealing with me patiently. She is helping me fulfil my mission on this earth. Part of that role is being a great husband and lover to her.

There are needs that are constant and those that will vary depending on the season of life we find ourselves. There follows a list of needs that men have which their wives are best positioned to deliver:

Companionship

Men view their wives as their ultimate partner in all things in their life. A man feels that with his wife by his side he can take on the world, deal with every challenge, confront every problem and come out victorious. I most certainly feel that as long as Linda is on board, I will achieve a desirable outcome.

Friendship

Most men really want to be ‘best mates’ with their wife. They want to feel completely relaxed and not have to put up some kind of performance. They want to be able to spend time and just hang out. They want to be able to share things that are close to their heart and get an honest but sympathetic opinion of what is going on. Key issues that come up will relate to how a man should respond to matters at work or concerning relatives. Men who are friends with their wives are comfortable being themselves in her presence. He will always desire to remain in communication knowing that she is wishing him well.

Sexual fulfilment

Men have an innate biological need to have intimacy. Sexual intercourse remains a key ingredient for marital satisfaction. Sexual intimacy is an expression of love for one’s spouse and is the God-given means for couples to consummate their union. Sex reduces stress, enhances wellbeing, and improves the immune system. Men see their wives as a source of goodness. Every man should see his wife as the one who will meet his needs in this area.
The corollary is that sexual fulfilment for every man should include being a great lover for his wife and being able to satisfy her own needs. The perception of unmet sexual needs in men leads to infidelity, affairs, immorality including sexual deviancy and pornography. The bible gives us clear guidance on meetings each other’s needs.
“A man should fulfil his duty as a husband, and a woman should fulfil her duty as a wife, and each should satisfy the other's needs. A wife is not the master of her own body, but her husband is; in the same way a husband is not the master of his own body, but his wife is.” 1 Corinthians 7:3-4, GNB

Peace

A man desires to be at peace within himself and his world. “Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it.” Psalm 34:14.
A wife who is able to promote peace in her home is building her husband, strengthening her marriage and securing her home.

“But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.” James 3:17 , KJV

The bible makes it clear that a quarrelsome wife has the wherewithal to determine the prevailing atmosphere in the home. “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” Proverbs 14:1

Respect & Affirmation

Men frequently have fragile egos which need to be handled gently. Men want to be genuinely respected and highly regarded for who they are. Many men are driven by the need for recognition of their manliness and will seek to achieve this through the acquisition of status. Before receiving accolade from external sources, the most crucial affirmation that man needs is from his wife. Without this affirmation, there is tendency to feel exposed, inadequate and possibly insincere. The loss of respect by a wife is one of key drivers of marital separation as the husband will tend to seek approval from other sources.

Belief & Admiration

A man needs his wife to believe in him. She can play a massive role in his achievement of personal, career and business goals by standing with him in his journey. My greatest successes in my professional life have occurred when Linda has been behind me, rooting for me and spurring me on to the achievements.

Love and appreciation

Most men must make the difficult balance between time spent with their wife and families and their work. It is a challenge to excel in one’s professional life, business or career, and be blameless in all things concerning marriage and family. A wife’s love will be a key factor that keeps the ship afloat in difficult times when her husband may not be able to be present and provide the attention and affection that every relationship needs to thrive.

Understanding

Men cannot easily cope with being misunderstood or misconstrued. One of the most challenging things to deal with is having your intentions questioned and having to justify a certain view point while being seen as unhelpful or aloof. Wives can help create an atmosphere for building by being calm and endeavouring to bring out the positives in any situation. A wife that seeks to patiently understand her husband’s challenges, seek out the positives in every situation and speak the truth in love is making her husband a better man.

“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.” James 1:19-20, KJV

In the meeting of her husband’s needs a wife is building her home, strengthening her marriage and securing her future.

“Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excels them all.” Proverbs 31:25, 28-29 KJV

Dr Ike Nnene and Mrs Linda Nnene live in Norwich and worship at Soul Church. Ike is a GP and Linda is a teacher at CNS School, and they are both passionate gospel musicians. They have a passion for and write about marriage, family, wellness and personal empowerment.

Their blog, called Power and Beauty, seeks to promote Bible based living in marriage and family life. You can hear and watch Ike and Linda on their podcast and YouTube channel called Marriage On Song.

We welcome your thoughts and comments, posted below, upon the ideas expressed here.

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