Headlines that actually, literally happened this week (13 Photos)

It’s been a crazy week, right? And to take your mind off things, we’re not going to mention the you-know-what. But believe it or not, there’s been other stuff going on in the world. Weird stuff. Stranger-than-fiction stuff. So whether you’re drowning your sorrows or drinking in celebration, enjoy some of the crazy sh*t that happened around the world. (Because, at the end of the day, what’s really important is laughing at strangers.)

Two men took a taxi to a home they planned to rob in New Jersey, according to authorities, but then didn’t pay the driver. Bad move, because he called the police. Now 46-year-old Kenneth Burke and 38-year-old Timothy Foote are charged with burglary, conspiracy, theft and criminal trespass. Reminder, kids: PAY YOUR GETAWAY DRIVER.

A British snail named Jeremy, whose rare shell ruled out the possibility of mating with most other snails has apparently found a sex partner. See, there really IS someone out there for everyone. Don’t show this for your mom, she’ll just give you a hard time about not having a girlfriend.

Europe is weird. Ten teams from Slovakia, Poland and Hungary competed to see who were the fastest gravediggers in central Europe. The event was held in Slovakia to promote the funeral industry and bring some laughs to the profession. Because nothing says “funny” like “digging a grave.” Well, now you know who to call if you ever need a grave dug at 2 a.m.

A New Hampshire lawmaker who was wanted for failing show up for a court hearing was re-elected and arrested on the same day. On Election Day, Republican state Rep. Dick Marple was outside a polling place when an officer recognized him. Marple was charged with driving without a valid license in 2014 and a warrant was issued after he failed to show up to court last month.

This makes me never want to fly again. A slithery snake briefly sparked panic on a flight bound for Mexico City when it crawled out of the overhead bins. People (of course) posted video to Twitter of the incident and (we think) everyone is ok. And we hope snakes stay the hell off of planes forever.

When officers detained a wanted woman in Australia they found a koala in her bag. The 50-year-old lady claimed she found it on the road. No word if that helped her get a lighter sentence.

Someone’s been squatting on the city of Denver’s name on Instagram, and city officials don’t know who it is. The mystery person actually posts lots of cool shots of the city, but is still unknown, despite attempts to locate them. No one from the city has made a complaint to Instagram. I guess any publicity is good publicity.

Here’s a late Halloween story — a dead man was voted into office into California. Oceanside City Treasurer Gary Ernst was re-elected this week even though he died in September. Ernst earned 17,659 votes and beat challenger Nadine Scott by about 6 percentage points. Ouch. That’s gotta be embarrassing.

A man who went diving for sea cucumbers instead found a missing nuclear bomb.Sean Smyrichinsky found the bomb off the western coast of Canada and at first thought it was a UFO. Officials are checking it out, but it could be a nuclear bomb that was jettisoned by a US aircraft in 1950.

A tourism slogan for Canada’s Northern Territory is turning heads, but nobody’s saying who is behind the “C U in the NT” logo. The controversial design surfaced online late last week and has gotten international attention. We’re packing our bags now!

The Cubs are really popular. Officials estimate that 5 million people showed up to the Chicago Cubs parade and rally, making it the seventh largest gathering in human history.The top gathering ever was the Kumbh Mela pilgrimage in India, which drew 30 million in 2013.

The “you’ve got mail”guy from AOL is now driving an Uber. Elwood Edwards, who uttered the iconic AOL announcement, was driving a lady in Ohio and she caught the whole thing on video. Edwards was a good sport, even saying it twice for her. Apparently, he only got $200 for the slogan. “You’ve gotten exploited!”

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