Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

my hubby is freaking me out

Both me and my husband empathize with each other and make a great couple we have our stumbling blocks but are working to resolve them.

What is the issue?

He cant stand suggestions because his father used to play mental games with him as a kid telling him he wants something else than what he would choose, so pretty much he has a hard time making choices in his life

He cant handle being alone because he has Borderline Personality Disorder his emotions are hard to regulate. But at the same time has extreme social anxiety. So he does not fare well having a job and is lonely at home and has not had a job in years.

We have/had friends but they sometimes judge him as a loser and stop being friends with him after a while.

Some of the friends he has had were quite young and got the wrong idea and became infatuated with him but that has stopped and no longer communicate with either of us. I freaked out and probably made him look really bad to his family and his friends. So he has restrictions now on who he can be friends with and he himself does not want any young friends any more.

So because of all this crap in his life he is almost suicidal. I feel comforted that he doesn't believe in it but sometimes feels that he wants to go to sleep and never wake up. He does not want to take any prescribe medicine for his anxiety or mood issues. However he has spoke of some interest in herbals.

I would love to help him but I cant make any suggestions or practically be of any use to him?

Also I have a hard time finding time for my self, I don't know myself after high school all I ever did was go to college and be a 40 hour worker with hardly any discovery. Any one have any experience with these kinds of issues or any advice for me? Even time management advice would be welcome.

Why people get married so young, before they know themselves, or each other, is beyond me.

I'm sure there was some reason you fell in love with him...I guess try to be patient for his needs but surround yourself with some new and hopefully healthier female friends to give yourself a broader life perspective. We need multiple relationships to give us balance.

I think you tied the knot before you really allowed yourself to live, and I'm not talking about screwing around, but just exposing your soul to a wide variety of experiences, with many, many different people, clubs, conversations, etc.

20s are the time to &quot;find&quot; ourselves. Then, in our 30s (if we even want to be married), we should settle down...my feeling.

Is your husband in counseling? Is he willing to go to counseling, alone and/or with you (but at least alone)?

The whole &quot;unwillingness&quot; to take meds but willingness to take herbs is annoying to me. If a person realizes they have a problem that they may need to take something for, why not just investigate what gives people who suffer the same issues the best results, and try that, regardless of whether its pharmacological or homeopathic, or herbal, or whatever it is... if it works, why limit willingness because it doesn't fit some category.

I cant tell you what to do, but I can tell you what I would do. I would not make suggestions for him. I would make rules for myself. And the number one rule is that I take care of the issues that are challenging me personally, and number two is that I require the people who are going to be in my life to do the same for themselves. If he is drowning, its not fair for him to drown you with him, just because he won't grab a raft for himself. You can't save him. But you can express that you care, and that you hope he will get the help he needs, but that in the mean time, you will not enable him any longer. Its great that you are compassionate about the issues that plague him, but being soft with him about it doesn't help him. THere is no reason why, if he needs medical attention, he should deny himself, and you, of his benefitting from it. If he had cancer, would he forego treatment? If he had an ulcer, would he take a prescription from the doctor? Why then if he has a chemical imbalance in his brain would he not also take a recommendation from the same doctor who would send him to the oncologist or the gastroenterologist? There is a big difference between someone who says they would take herbal remedies and a person who actually holds the standard to the point where they have investigated them, obtained them, and can tell you how its working for them. If he was going to do that, he would. If he's not seeking help in one area or another, then I would take the herbal vs. pharm bit as a cop out.

You say he doesn't take suggestions and has trouble making decisions. So don't suggest, and don't require him to make the decision. Make it for him, lay it on the table, and tell him your terms. Help yourself, or I'm gone. Tough love. sorry if its hard to hear.

I’ve always had an attraction to boys, but I also have a slight attraction to girls, but my guy attraction is much stronger. Am I gay or just really bisexual?

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