Gross, “Feces-Throwing” Soccer Fans Lead To The Day’s Funniest Headline

If you ever hear someone lament how Americans are uncultured, uncivil louts who care too much about silly games played by yet other philistine scum, we suggest you show them this story out of Germany. Apparently, they’re having multiple issues controlling fans at soccer matches lately. The tamer issue: a Hoffenheim employee installing speakers to drown out opposing fans’ chants. The much, much crazier issue: what 1 FC Köln fans were reportedly seen doing to opposing fans over the weekend at their team’s match (a lopsided loss, for what it’s worth) against Schalke 04:

The police confirmed on Tuesday that at least one person in the Köln fan block had been seen ‘placing’ faeces into a plastic beer glass and then throwing it at his rivals. The solid organic missile was followed by at least two urine-filled plastic beer glasses.

They’re not wrong. They’re right. They are so, so right. A headline like that just makes the world a little more right, you know? The fans’ actions, on the other hand, do the opposite. That is just…wrong. And unimaginably gross. Of course, the Köln organization couldn’t condemn these acts quickly enough:

“We as a club obviously distance ourselves from these people,” said a spokesman for 1 FC Köln fans. “This behaviour is not acceptable. There cannot be two opinions on this.”

There aren’t, we don’t think – but there also can’t be two opinions on that headline.