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Warning: mysql_affected_rows(): A link to the server could not be established in /homepages/24/d277319388/htdocs/app277190777/wp-content/plugins/ecstatic/ecstatic.php on line 543My Exclusive Interview With an Angel « Manhattan Infidel

My Exclusive Interview With an Angel

When Senator Mark Kirk, returning to work a year after his near-fatal stroke, told colleagues that when he was in a coma angels with New York accents appeared to him it naturally got me to thinking. Do angels really have New York accents? So using my contacts on the street I arranged for a meeting with an angel who graciously agreed to sit down to an interview with me.

MI: Welcome..um…..what should I call you?

Angel:Yo, just call me Vinnie for now.

MI:So you do have New York accents. Senator Kirk was right.

Angel:Most of us are from Noo Yawk. A few are from Bahstahn. But we don’t talk about ‘dem. Dey are a lower order of angels.

MI: So what does an angel do?

Angel: We got different jobs, you know. Me? I’m a guardian angel, capish?

MI: Really? Whose guardian angel are you?

Angel:Yours, you stronz!

MI:Now there’s no need to resort to name calling.

Angel: What’dya expect. You ain’t making it easy. I toin my back one second and ba-da-bing ba-da-boom you’se in an alleyway with the Swedish Olympic basketball team.

MI: I’m a reporter. I wanted to ask them about their ball handling skills. It’s a legitimate question.

Angel: I suppose. Excuse me I have to go put some quarters in da meter.

[He goes and puts four quarters in the meter.]

Angel:That should buy me an hour.

MI: Wow. Can’t you just wave your wings or something and extend the time on the meter?

Angel:Excuse me. See dat Is he gonna tow my freaking car away? I gotta take care of dis.

[The angel walks over to the man in the tow truck.]

Angel: Don’t tow my freaking car away!

[He turns the tow truck driver into a fish]

Angel: Alright I’m back.

MI: Nice way to keep a low profile.

Angel: That’s my freaking parking spot, man!

MI:Okay. Okay. Just one last question. As my guardian angel do you have any advice for me?

Angel: Stay away from Olivia Wilde, capish. Da broad’s dangerous.

[Pause]

MI:What did just say?

Angel: Stay away from da Wilde broad if ya knows what’s good for ya.

MI:That’s what I thought you said.

[He punches the guardian angel in the nose]

MI: You say anything bad about her again and we’re going to have trouble!

Angel: But she’s bad news. I’m just saying……

[Manhattan Infidel lunges at the angel and they grapple and fall to the ground. Manhattan Infidel continues punching him]

Angel:Help! Help! Police!

Policeman: What seems to be the problem here?

Angel: This man is beating me up!

Policeman:Is he smoking?

Angel:No.

Policeman: Is he drinking a big gulp?

Angel:No.

Policeman:Then this doesn’t concern the NYPD.

Angel:But he’s beating me up!!

Policeman:What did I just tell you punk?

[The policeman proceeds to beat the angel with his club]

Policeman: I though I had all you guinea hoods locked up. You, what’s your name?

MI:Manhattan Infidel.

Policeman:Manhattan Infidel, take a hold of him. Stand him up. Stand him up straight.

[He punches the angel and breaks his jaw]

MI: Nice uppercut.

Policeman: Freaking punk!

Note: Manhattan Infidel would like to state that his encounter with his guardian angel in no way is a reflection upon all angels, many of whom are hard-working, law-abiding citizens. Just don’t say nothing bad about Olivia Wilde. Punk. (511)

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 23rd, 2013 at 6: 00: 38 AM and is filed under General insanity. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
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