The Horse Burghers of Australia don’t eat horse burgers.

Way way back in 1997 I attended my first Melbourne cup on the first Tuesday of November. For the non Antipodeans among you this race is a national holiday, the race that stops a nation. What! A public holiday for a horse race? Yup, that’s the truth and they love it here. Spring time in Melbourne is known for three things in my book; the end of the ‘footie’ season(thank heavens), it’s irascible weather(don’t bet on it) and a horse race(what me bet?).

Australians have an innate addiction to gambling and a certain predisposition to losing their shirts. I’ll get back to that point in a minute but first let’s finish off the 153rd running of the worlds richest handicap. The race length of 3,200m culminates in a prize pool of AU$6.2m. That’s 4.3mEuro or US$5.9m. Not to be neighed at.

Wagurtail Burger!

The day itself is a hodge podge of badly dressed bogans, over paid celebrities and tragic aftermaths once the last race has pounded down the home straight. More often than not a micro storm will brew up in Adelaide in the morning and canter over to Flemington(the race track) just in time to dump a wee shower on the best and worst dressed during the race. If I was a betting man I’d put my money here rather than on the nose, but not this year. All I can see is blue sky so far and the forecast is good.

Now, what’s all this about Australians losing their shirts, hey? Well, t’is true. Indonesia and China are buying up the Land Down Under wholesale just like it’s going out of fashion. We’re selling off all our mineral reserves for tuppence ha’penny a tonne and our illustrious idiot of a leader don’t believe in climate change. He does however believe in fighting forest fires on his down time and doing triathlons. He also has a lesbian sister but doesn’t believe in gay marriage and is willing to fight it until the ‘roos come home. This guy is an honorary republican if ever I saw one.

Our Great Barrier Reef is dying thanks to pollution from something or other and we have a major salinity problem in the out back, otherwise referred to as ‘The Great Big Dingo’s Toilet of Australia’. Let’s see what else is up, oh yeah, we’re flying up America’s arse so fast soon all you’ll be able to see is our Union Jack painted toe nails. The democratic process here is taking on an ugly bipartisan hue. It was never a love in I’ll admit that but the shite that they are peddling these days is…just that shite dressed up as policy. Apparently refugees and public spending are a danger to Australia.

T’is a curious fact that both Julia Gillard(ex labour PM) and Tony Abbott(current Liberal PM) are boat people yet the two of them viciously opposed any softening of our asylum laws. Ms Gillard arrived from Wales in 1966 and Tony from England in 1960. Sure gives credence to the old saying of ‘last in bolt the door behind you and fuck the rest’.

Ah fuck this for a lark, nothing makes sense anymore. The Australian Liberal Party is anything but liberal in the broadest most liberal interpretation of the word liberal. Australia ain’t the Lucky Country, my first ever record was ‘two little boys’ and now Rolf Harris is a paedophile!

I’m off down the pokies and the TAB to lose my shirt or better still somebody else’s if I can help it.