Well, having loved and lost, then rinsed and repeated... I would say, yes, I do believe it's better to have loved and lost. Why? After all the heartaches and sadness, etc. time does heal (yeah, I know, another cliche) and it made me stronger (another cliche) and I grew from all that (cliche) and these experiences become part of my past and who I am (cliche). Life is a journey, man (cliche), and while the losses were tough and I wondered why even bothered (cliche), I realized the moments of love were sweet (cliche) and I wouldn't trade them for anything else (cliche). That said, I'm at a point when I'm happy with or without anyone special in my life -- it's all gravy... but I wouldn't have come to this point without having loved and lost.

Not necessarily as a quote to your response, but just a quote all together....

We read books not knowing the outcome, right? Sure, say it is completely unrelated, but I still say that not doing something because you don't know how it will turn out is a crappy reason to not do it. Unless of course it is dangerous to your health. :P

Just to be nitpicky, the line itself refers to love lost in death, not breaking up. It's from Tennyson's In Memoriam, which is a poem for a friend who died suddenly.

I'm going to have to side with those who say the worse pain is having someone you love die. Breaking up you eventually get over, if you're a healthy, functioning human being; you will go on and you get to choose whether you want to pursue a relationship with someone again. Maybe you'll never be interested in 'romantic' love again, but you can still love your friends and family and neighborhood kids. You can love anyone around you.

Better never to love anyone at all? I quote 1 Corinthians: "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing."

Thinking about it is the only thing that makes me smile right now SP. ^_^

But on another note, I kinda like it under my bridge. I'm licking wounds and miserable. I appreciate the hugs and the nods. You're all very kind. And I would never compare a break up to the death of a loved one, that's unthinkable.

I appreciate you all for giving me your words and your time. I'd still like to hear about other people's break-ups, revenge or sob stories. If it's not asking for too much, that is. I don't wanna make anyone uncomfortable.

My last break-up was with a guy a few years older than me. He'd be about 34, 35 by now. Anyway, when we got together he'd just broken up from a girl he'd been crazy about. So I was a rebound fling. Bad move. Anyway. I fancied the arse off him so I sent him an email with my phone number (chickening out of saying anything directly to him) and he called. We got together and we - well, more like I - feel deep, and fell fast.

Then, overnight it changed. He decided he didn't want to be with me any more. Said he didn't "feel what he should be feeling at this stage of the relationship". It's funny, because the last time I saw him, I watched him leave my house, and I knew it would be the last time I saw him. Don't ask me how; I just knew something wasn't right. So anyway, he dumped me when we were talking on MSN one night (shitbag).

But it didn't end there. He wanted to still be friends. My attitude was, and is, I have friends. They're the people who don't hurt me. They're the people I like. So thanks, but if I spend my emotional free time on you, what will I have left to dedicate to the man I'm meant to be with? (I don't believe in soulmates and 'meant to be', but you can see my point...I was already looking ahead to the next relationship).

He kept calling, emailing, texting...even when he moved to another country. It took a year for it to lessen...all this time I wasn't free emotionally to even look at another man because I was on edge. (Bear in mind I said lessen, not stop). Every time I felt myself beginning to recover, he'd call. There he was, always popping up just as things were going well for me.

And I swear to god, he knew then, and he still knows now, when I'm beginning to show an interest in another guy, 'cause that's when he'll email me "Just to say hi. I miss you."

Don't get me wrong - it hurt like hell at the time. But I didn't shed one tear over him. When he ended it, I said to myself, "It's over, so let it be over." He didn't want to play it that way, but I insisted. I think he had trouble believing I wasn't jumping straight into another relationship because surely, only another man would have the emotional pull to stop me wanting to be with him? It surely couldn't be that I wouldn't get back with him even if he was the last man, etc etc?

He even offered to fly me out to his new home 'for a visit'. Yeah. A visit involving removal of my knickers, probably, but with no commitment because hey, he's not my boyfriend any more, is he? But I politely declined and reminded him, "There's a name for women who take money off a man."

I dunno if he ever seriously wanted me back, but...he's in my past. He became my past on the day he walked out, and I don't think he's ever forgiven me for getting over him.

I haven't had a relationship since, through choice. I've just never met a man I wanted to be with. I know that I can get over someone; I know that I'm strong enough to stand my ground, so it's not that I'm scared. I just haven't clicked with anyone. But it'll happen one day I hope. It hurt like hell at the time but I used work and other things to occupy myself.

And the best thing about it is, apparently he's been telling people he used to go out with a writer.

Well, honey, you could have spent your life with a writer, but I don't give any man a second chance to hurt me. The next person I'm intimate with will be a better man than you.

Hey! If you're a baker, someone will snap you up in five seconds flat! If I were that way inclined, I would myself! Now, is it double choc chip??

Thanks for the compliment...and believe you me, that was the first adult break-up I've ever had. I've had my fair share of times where I've lost my dignity over guys...never again. I suppose that experience showed me I had faith in myself; I knew I'd attract a better man someday and even if I didn't, being single was preferable to being with a man who didn't feel the same level of attraction.

I appreciate you all for giving me your words and your time. I'd still like to hear about other people's break-ups, revenge or sob stories. If it's not asking for too much, that is. I don't wanna make anyone uncomfortable.

-An

Oh Revenge. Revenge is like a young tiger who comes to live at your house and won't go back to the jungle. After a while it doesn't seem so strange, but you still have the tiger. And it never wants anything but raw, bleeding meat. Still, the tiger is beautiful...and your house is never the same.

She really just posted this to get ideas for her new novel. Wink wink.

If I wrote about stuff like this all the time I would eat all my cookies and never make a profit on anything. ^_^ Comfort food would be the key to getting a chapter of sorrows completed. I'd have to edit around the disturbing brown chocolate stains and water marks.

I'm posting this question because we just talked about in a different thread...

Quote:

Why do we go for men that are not a good match for us? Why do we do it? It's insane, opposites don't attract, they just run the hell away from each other after they've been buffeted together for a couple years.

At that fateful first moment, there was a chemistry. Not love. You acted on the chemistry, not really knowing what it was, how it worked or if it was good for you. You just know that you liked it.

Oh Revenge. Revenge is like a young tiger who comes to live at your house and won't go back to the jungle. After a while it doesn't seem so strange, but you still have the tiger. And it never wants anything but raw, bleeding meat. Still, the tiger is beautiful...and your house is never the same.

That's frighteningly beautiful. O.o

Jennifer75, I've never repped in my life, sadly enough. I owe Kate Thornton a half dozen at least. I might have to make her an appreciation thread somewhere for Kate just to make up for my slighting. >.<

I'll get off the stick and onto the repping. Anyone who's posted here and listened to my whining needs some sort of compensation.

No sob stories or revenge for me. Breaking up is just part of life -- and that's why I can't watch the movie The Break-Up without wincing. Those characters are so bitter and petty! One girlfriend cheated on me but I forgave her -- she was only human. Maybe I just have a big heart and I'm a fool. I don't know. But revenge never made me happy. Forgiveness does.

__________________
I didn't want to work. It was as simple as that. I distrusted work, disliked it. I thought it was a very bad thing that the human race had unfortunately invented for itself.
-- Agatha Christie

No sob stories or revenge for me. Breaking up is just part of life -- and that's why I can't watch the movie The Break-Up without wincing. Those characters are so bitter and petty! One girlfriend cheated on me but I forgave her -- she was only human. Maybe I just have a big heart and I'm a fool. I don't know know. But revenge never made me unhappy. Forgiveness does.

Revenge never makes me unhappy either. There's always something just right about it. After all, if it is not fitting, it's not revenge, it's just an awkward social event or two or three or four. Revenge is like poetic justice plus two orgasms squared. I'm doing calculus now, so I think that's actually a parabola.

No sob stories or revenge for me. Breaking up is just part of life -- and that's why I can't watch the movie The Break-Up without wincing. Those characters are so bitter and petty! One girlfriend cheated on me but I forgave her -- she was only human. Maybe I just have a big heart and I'm a fool. I don't know know. But revenge never made me unhappy. Forgiveness does.

WHAT A FANTASTIC IDEA!!!

ChimeraCreative, you will cry. You may even sob. But, this movie will show you that you are not alone and that everything you are feeling, is normal, and is felt alllllllllllll over the world.