Red Carpet Rundown: Fergie

Oh to be an actor/musician. Double the awards shows, double the amount of dresses for the likes of me and you to pore over.

Elie Saab (left) – I’m afraid Fergie’s Golden Globes gown is a case of right dress, wrong person. My original line was that this cornflower-blue dreamboat of a dress is the stuff that little girls’ dreams are made of but one of my commenters outdid me by saying it would look better on a bridesmaid. She’s right. It is a gorgeous dress (I especially love the sparkly embellished waist) but I was hoping for a bit more glam-edge from one of pop’s resident loons. Maybe she should have accessorised it with the Crazy Frog BEP goggles. Either way, her monotone raven locks don’t really suit the Disney princess dress either, and nor do her massive basoomas, which are pushing up against the bodice so hard I’m worried they might pop. Now that really would be a walk down the red carpet worth watching.

Zuhair Murad (centre) – Fergie’s much more in her comfort zone at this pre-Grammy event. Instead of trying too hard to be something she’s not with the bridesmaid dress, she excels at displaying everything she’s got – namely a smoking hot body. At music shows, the old rule of either boobs or legs doesn’t hold – the more of both, the better. Fergie Ferg sure is working this silver mini; I’m not sure if the bandage style, robot-silver colour and lace inserts are just the right side of trashy or on the verge of tipping over but this is a definite case of right dress, right person.

Emilio Pucci (right) – I actually think that a slightly longer version of this Grammy’s dress could have worked a treat for the Golden Globes. It’s a smidgen more sophisticated than the Murad, the cobalt blue is striking and the flashy gold detail gives it the necessary touch of glitz. And Fergie’s body is still smoking. Job done. (Did you forget to hire a hairdresser though, Stacey? Why the same hair for all three shows?)

Favourite? – Lop off Fergie’s head and immense cleavage and the Elie Saab is perfect. Just not for her. The Pucci fits her image and attitude far better, without looking tacky. If you do show up at the Oscars, please remember you’re a quarter of one of the world’s biggest bands rather than the girl at the back hoping to catch the bouquet. Thanks.