Friday, April 22, 2016

Once upon a time a Witch started some overdue housekeeping.
But when she began to wash the dishes, the Undone Dishes cried out, “Help!
Help! I’m being done!”

The Unswept Floor said, “No, instead do me!”

The Untidy Tablecloth said, “No, I insist that you do me
first!”

The Undone Bed said, “Me, me, me!”

And all the other undone chores chimed in too; the Sewing,
the Thank-You Notes, the Taxes, and Rearranging All The Furniture. They loyally
united in solidarity against the threat of being done.

The Witch stopped washing the dishes; the chores cheered.
The Witch gritted her teeth and said, “Shut. Up.” Then she said to the Bed and
the Tablecloth, “You. And you.” And then, despite the outcries of
the undone chores, she finished washing the dishes. She grinned as she slowly,
deliberated, carefully and thoroughly finished that chore, over the wails of
the other chores.

Then she straightened the tablecloth.

Then
she made the bed.

Then she said to the air, “Any other takers?”

Silence.

She smiled cruelly, picked up a broom, opened the front
door and swept the dust on the floor out the door. Then she went out, closed
the door, mounted the broom, and launched into a joy-ride.

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Once upon a
time Extraterrestials monitored planet Earth’s radio output. They sought
intelligent life; but they were wary; for their own planet hosted Radar Bats.
These were animals naturally evolved, skilled at manipulating electromagnetism,
but lacking higher intelligence.

So though
planet Earth did indeed emit complex radio signals, the Extraterrestrials were
undecided. There were two explanations; Intelligent Beings and Radar Bats. How
to tell the difference?

The Extraterrestrials
could not predict what a truly intelligent being would transmit. An epic poem
in praise of the beauty of the universe, perhaps; or a chapter of the
Encyclopedia Galactica; or a proof of the Four-Color Theorem encoded in a
symphony. Who knows? But they could easily predict how radar bats would fill
the airwaves: with brags, threats, territorial claims, status challenges,
mating cries, courtship rites, warning signals and swarming calls.

With this
in mind, they decoded planet Earth’s radio output. They found brags, threats,
territorial claims, status challenges, mating cries, courtship rites, warning
signals and swarming calls; but no cosmic poetry, nor a single page from the
Encyclopedia Galactica, nor a single note of the Four-Color Symphony.

They
concluded that radio observations have yet to detect intelligent life on planet
Earth.

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Once upon a time Roland Ranger, star of the silver screen,
made a deal with the Devil; his soul in exchange for charisma.

And so the masses loved him no matter what he said. He
could sell them anything. He did this by projecting a sincerity that he did not
feel. He believed only that what he said got him paid.

As time went on, the Devil gradually chipped away at his
wits. The Devil did this every time Roland Ranger forgot that he was acting. By
the nature of the deal, Roland Ranger never fully comprehended what he has
signed away; not at first, because he hadn’t lost his wits yet, and not at the
end, because he had. Only around the middle did he half-understand.

Eventually he thought that he had always been honest. Then
he stopped thinking.