The stupid feud that started over a stolen back-up dancer (or John Mayer, or Taylor Swift telling Katy Perry she has cankles in front of the entire homeroom, or Katy Perry telling Taylor Swift her split ends are gross in front of the entire homeroom, or Taylor Swift stealing Katy Perry’s panties and freezing them at Becca Moyer’s slumber party) has finally come to an end. Katy Perrysaid publicly said before that she wants to be done with the junior high school cafeteria tussle with Taylor Swift. Taylor hasn’t said anything, but yesterday was the first night of her Reputation tour and she has empty seats to fill, so she posted an Instagram story of her opening up an olive branch from Katy. Are we sure that the olive branch wasn’t covered with laxative fumes that caused Taylor Swift to get the violent shits during her show? I mean, I did see some clips from her show in Glendale, AZ last night and she was dancing in a stiff “clenching my ass cheeks” sort of way. But then again, doesn’t she always?

Along with the olive branch, Katy Perry sent a little note that partly read: “Hey old friend, I’ve been doing some thinking on past miscommunications and feelings between us and wanted to clear the air.” Tay Tay seemed to take that extended olive branch:

So there you go, the unseasoned, overcooked beef is over…. until Taylor decides she needs more attention and releases The Blood Is Still Bad or Katy decides she needs more attention and releases Break Break (The Olive Branch) Bish. But while Taylor and Katy’s feud is done for now, she’s still milking the last drop out of another one.

The “Taylor the Snake” thing started almost 2 years ago when Kim Kartrashianexposed Taylor Swift in a series of Snapchats. Kanye West claimed that Taylor was perfectly okay with the lines about her in his song Famous. Taylor’s rep shit on that claim and said that she would never approve a misogynistic line like, “I made that bitch Famous.” In the tape that Kim leaked (sorry for that visual, you didn’t do deserve that), Kanye is talking to Taylor, who is on speakerphone, about the song and she says, “Yeah go with whatever line you think is best.” Taylor’s Instagram got covered with snake emojis from her haters and that’s how the snake thing was born.

Taylor reclaimed the snake thing for her album Reputation, and last night she went from wanting to be excluded from this narrative to wanting to profit from this narrative. Before warbling out Long Live, Taylor thanked her fans for getting to know the real her as a human (read: buying her albums and keeping her ass rich), and then the ultimate bully victim rebooted the It Gets Better campaign with this eye-rolling fuel:

“A couple of years ago, someone called me a snake on social media and it caught on. And then a lot of people called me a lot of names on social media. And I went through some really low times for a while because of it. I went through some times when I didn’t know if I was gonna get to do this anymore. And I guess the snakes, I wanted to send a message to you guys that if someone uses name calling to bully you on social media and even if a lot of people jump on board with it, that doesn’t have to defeat you. It can strengthen you instead.”

Somewhere a 13-year-old who just said she wanted to die over her nail polish smudging looked at this video and said, “What a fucking drama queen.”

But back to Our Lady of Perpetual Victimhood saying that her entire career almost died under a pile of snake emojis, Tay Tay is an absolute master at taking one moment and rehashing it over and over again and using it to get more attention and money. So I don’t know why she’s fighting with the Kartrashians. Pimp Mama Kris built an entire fame whore empire on that principle. They should be praising each other’s hustle.

And at her next tour stop in Santa Clara, CA on Friday, Taylor should expect another package from another famous person; JESUS. He’s going to send down a package of wood from his cross for her to put together and nail herself to.

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