Unnamed Hairy Senator Expensed $7,285 in Back Waxings

OTTAWA — Refusing to say whether the Senator who claimed weekly back hair removal expenses is male or female, Canada’s Auditor General said today that the procedure is just one example of the many things that taxpayers should be not paying for.

“Nor should any Senator be charging Canadians for a mani-pedi, Apple Watch, fortune tellers, or, in one case, a portable erection pump.”

“The bluntest way to put it is that we found some weird shi…stuff that Senators regularly charge taxpayers for and the RCMP are now investigating everything from a new Lexus to a petty $1.25 charge for Wrigley’s Juicy Fruit gum.”

The unfolding news of Senators’ lavish expense claims comes as the Chamber of Sober Second Thought is also under attack for doing what they were told and passing Stephen Harper’s country-changing, citizen-spying Bill C-51.

Ferguson also told reporters this morning that the majority of audited Senators got “hot and huffy”.

“I was gobsmacked. They actually believe that they are entitled to get everything for free and just merrily claim every single thing on their Senate Platinum MasterCard bill every month,” said Ferguson.

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