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Its so warm! Ive not been spending much time in front of the computer, more like sprawled in the a/c. I havent even been to the beach yet. I should really but Im so white and the sun is so fierce. Ive been trying on my wedding gown, which is still in the making. It feels like a fancy dress costume. I have been riding twice more and learning to trot. BF has almost finished organizing everything in spain for the wedding, he even bought a suit. I cant believe it he is tying all the ends and really taking care of everything. Didnt have much of a vacation. He will be going back to the netherlands in a couple days and I will return in august. I want to make good use of my time at home but so far am mostly sleeping due to my restless nights. Im just so overwhelmed by guilt and regret and homesickness. I try to ratiolaize out of it but i feel torn. I feel like "Brad" (my riding indtructor) has been sent to symoblize for me everything that could have been and now will never be. I love my BF so much and I would stay with him even without marriage, but I feel such loss at the life I am leaving behind, even though I left it long before I met my BF and I would stay away due to the HIV if for no other reason b/c I cant stand life here, I couldnt even before I was poz but as a poz forget about it... its too difficult. but home is home you know? How I miss how it could have been, if only.... does that makes sense? I just wish I could keep everything together. Its like a hole in my soul. I like the netherlands and I am sure Id like spain but I am homesick. If my parents were with me it would be easier but they dont want to move and of course there are other issues regarding immigration besides wanting it, I am not sure it would be at all possible. If only my brother lived here but he has also left and we have both abandoned them. They are being so selfless and kind about the wedding. ok enough about that but thats why I dont sleep well at all. I wish I could just chill or read or hang out with friends or something. I cant have quality time with my folks b/c i feel like "what's the point?". It seems like my whole life revolves around loss but thats a whole different topic that I cant get into at all now otherwise I'll never finish.

Tendai - Its great to see you back and a little more optimistic for the future! so your language is called shona? Are you staying alone in your place right now? Is it very hot? what a nightmare to be without electricity.

Wendy - how is your jaw? a friend of mine had that recently, she looked puffy on one side but still cute. Im sorry I didnt comment on your son's video - I wasnt able to view it, it crashed my computer, I think Im missing some program or patch that enables viewing.

Andrea - good luck with all those meetings. It seems your vacation is so short. I always thought teachers enjoyed tons of time off, but that depends on the country I guess.

Cindy - my condolences for the loss of your second mom. Hope you enjoy Atlanta & your day off. I have been so blessed with my job, taking days off whenever I want. I dont have normal conditions and full benefits but at least I have tons of flexebility. It will be so hard to go back to a normal job when I have to.

Queen - congrats on your new apartment! way to go! I hope things go more or less smoothly with your sister, theres no reason they wont really if you guys will put the past behind and enjoy the future. what about your roomies' accomodation?

Sunshine - good luck with all the moving and i hope is isnt shingles. yikes.

Mom - I hope its the mold then you'll be mold-free!

Snow - how are you? hope everything is ok. I know its so tough.

Jamie - how you doing? how was the church thing? hope youre finding some peace.

Betty - Im definately crossing things for your smoking cessation. My dad just quit cold turkey a few weeks ago after 45 years of smoking, patches, meds and chewing gum that never quite worked. Both he and his friend quit and I am so thankful for that. My mom still smokes but just 2-3 a day. I havent smoked for more than 6 months. I think you did good telling them about the meds. Its not good for those of you who are truely clean if you have people cutting corners like that. I hope the volunteering goes well - you are giving from yourself and thats admirable.

Greetings to Cristy, Netta, Keeping, J, Mahalia, Latifah, Camms, Veritee, and anyone who is still reading quietly, hope I didnt forget anyone and if I did Im sure I'll remember when I read you again. Lots of love,

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"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Mum, it's an "aha" moment. Mold! Egads. Are there other people in the class who have been dealing with similar issues as you have? I bet there are. I sure hope you're out of there soon, dear. You don't want to deal with mold, that's for sure.

Andrea, how much longer is this math training? BTW, I hate math.

Drag, I'm trying to understand what you're saying in your first paragraph. You don't like life where you're at, is that right? And I know you miss your parents terribly. That's understandable. Why don't you like life there? Just because you miss your parents? I'm sure your parents are alright. Is there any way you can go visit them sometime soon (or after you get hitched)? You and your brother haven't abandoned your parents. You both have lives. Your parents understand. There will be time when it's right for you to see your parents I'm sure. My daughter, although she doesn't live in another country, lives way on the other side of this country, and I don't think she abandoned me. You'll understand when you have a child and the child grows up. And parents want their children to have lives. And believe me, parents do not want their children living with them forever.

Today went well. I got along with the people who work there, and I'm learning pretty fast about how to operate the front desk and all the duties that go along with that. There are some interesting people there. I haven't gotten into a conversation with any of them, but I do treat them all with respect, because that's how I'd want to be treated. I was reading the local paper today and someone wrote a letter to the editor that was just horrid. She wrote that "homeless people have made their beds, now they should lie in them." I'd like to write the editor back, but I didn't catch the writer's exact name. Statements like that really piss me off. Most people don't choose to be homeless. Situations happen. People like that are so narrow-minded, it's disgusting. I wonder how she would like it if she ended up homeless due to a loss of her job etc.

Other than that, nothing else to report. I really enjoyed it today. Of course, tomorrow is another day. Hopefully it will go well. Have a good evening ladies.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

The freaking landlord decides to come over today to see if I moved out yet. He asked when I would be out by and I said the 5th which when the new place is suppose to be ready and still under the 30 days. Now he is saying he needs me out by the end of the month which is next week. I was planning on being out anyways but he has a lot of nerve.

Today was spent running around doing paperwork so I can get my electric deposit waived. And get on this program that will help with monthly lower payments. The gas bill will be 100 bucks cheaper at the new place which is a relief. I am anxious to move in already. My sister called me today to give me a report on her cleaning of the place. Someone still has to come to paint. I am going to call the new landlord tomorrow to see if he turned in my section 8 paperwork and ASO paperwork yet.

Both my specialists called me today, it's time to get those damn scans done again. I am going to have to reschedule the trip to the specialist in Pittsburgh due to all this moving. I may be offline again for a few months, I was going to pay my past cable bill in full but I decided to make 2 separate payments instead. I think I can wait that long and lately cable hasn't been showing jack but I will miss my wrestling and internet though. But what can I say? Gotta do what ya gotta do.

Drag, I think I understand exactly what you're feeling. When I was getting ready to walk down the eisle, all I could think about was that I was taking one step closer to death: getting married, having kids, retirement, death. Heck of thing to think about, but I couldn't shake it. And, we were going to live very far from my family and I wasnt' sure when I'd see them again. It was a whole lot of feelings battling inside. I think it's pretty normal as the day gets closer. Don't let it get you down. Missing and loving your family doesn't negate how you feel about your fiance. It's an adjustment, but things really do work out. Just enjoy the time you have with them now. I'm sure they are thrilled about the wedding.

Betty, how'd it go with your training? When do you start full-time? About the dance studio, I'm AMAZED that Mini didn't end up with some sort of respiratory problems. She's not on any prophilactic antibiotic (Bactrim) and hasn't been in years. I'm going back on another round of Diflucan to see if I can't kick this nasty in my lungs.

Queen, good luck with the moving. I HATE packing, moving, and unpacking. But, it sounds like you've found a much better situation. Good luck with your docs in Pittsburgh. Let us know how it goes when you can.

I found #6's glasses yesterday afternoon. Her poor eyes were starting to wander all over the place and her mood was none to good. I'm sure she had a headache from being out of focus, she just couldn't tell us. Her skin has also taken a turn for the worst. Her meds aren't working anymore. I have a feeling we're going to end up at Children's in Pittsburgh to see a rheumatologist. She has all the classic symptoms of lupus.

Hurricane Dolly has hit Texas and that's where my dad is flying. I'll try him on his cell phone later to make sure he's OK. Hopefully he's holed up in a hotel and not in the air. The company he flies for wouldn't do anything smart like send him home ahead of the storms, or have him fly somewhere it's safe.

Wendy, drop us a line and let us know that you are OK. I'm not sure how far inland you are.

Queen, it sounds like you're about ready to go. Good luck with everything. We'll miss you when you're not here.

Mum, I'm only going to volunteer two days a week. The first week of September (right on my birthday) school starts again and I'll be going full-time to that so I can graduate next May (hopefully). I can't do both, and school takes priority. About Mini....well, her immune system has been pretty good hasn't it? I've found kids to be a lot more resilient than we adults are to things. I'm glad she didn't end up with anything. How much longer will you have to go to that wretched building? Let us know how your dad is. I can't believe his company is still having him fly into Texas when they're having the hurricane. Maybe he's flying somewhere safe, though (hopefully). I'm glad #6's glasses were found.

Yes Wendy, please let us know you're alright.

Not much planned other than volunteering today. I'm so glad I'm doing this, though, or it would just be another four hours I'd be sitting around, totally bored out of my skull. I imagine I'll feel a bit more occupied once school starts. I'm going to have to take a class online, as the campus here doesn't offer all the classes I need in order for me to go in-classroom for everything. I've never taken a class online and don't know how I'll do. I haven't talked to anyone who likes it, though. But, I gotta suck it up and do it if I want to ever graduate.

Ok ladies, have a good morning. I'll be back this afternoon.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

OHHHHHH Ladies....I am over this math training! A couple of days is good but now I am ready to move on! We even have to do homework everynight...! It's like beating a dead horse! I CAN make it until Friday....I hope...LOL! They do feed us lunch so I guess it is ok...but 8-4 is a loooooooooooooong day! Especially when you are just sitting there. We are all used to being up and moving and actively involved....UGHHH!

Ok, I'm done! I don't have much to say since I've been immersed in math standards...I finally got a hold of my ID doctor's office. I asked the nurse if I could pick up the scrip to get my blood work done then I schedule an appointment. I was supposed to go yesterday but I had to go to my primary doc. I had a little incident with my dog yesterday morning...she bit me. I was taking her to "school" and she started getting worked up over another dog in the parking lot. Well, she has a tendency to get "crazy" and usually will bite "things". It is like when a young child has a tantrum and starts getting destructive. Well I went to grab her collar and she turned and grabbed my arm. I didn't hurt and all I saw was a red scratch. When it happened she looked at me for a split second like she knew she did wrong. A few seconds later I saw blood on her and then looked at my arm and realized that I was totally bleeding! She got me good. I was so embarrassed! Anyways...I covered it with a band aid but I knew I should go to the doctor just in case of infection. She has all her shots and everything so I wasn't worried about getting anything. I wasn't sure if I should go but my doctor said yes because of the HIV and he put me on antibiotics just in case. I am just so mad at myself with this dog! I am such a bad pack leader (for those of you who watch The Dog Whisper you know what I am talking about) The irony is that she is a model dog at school. She gets along with everyone, including other dogs. I need to figure out a way to stop her from getting to that "red zone". The good thing is she knows she did wrong. She is not a vicious dog either so that's what makes it harder. She just has "episodes"...I joke that she needs medication...LOL! Cesar Milan would say I give too much affection and not enough discipline...another nod to The Dog Whisper....that's all for now. Have a good day ladies!

Hi to allNew here... but have been reading and think the support you offer/provide each other is a great thing. Not even sure if this is the 'dating thread' where I should be introducing myself? So, will not go into anything other than saying Hi for now! And saying how much appreciation I feel for each of you putting yourself out in cyberworld to support other + women. No support available at all where I live. So - thanks!

Hi Game. It says dating thread <not sure why> Long story I imagine. But its just us gals talking about everything under the sun. Welcome to the ladies section of AIDSmeds. Let us know a little about yourself. we look forward to getting to know you.

Everyone I live way north of the Gulf. Don't worry about me. I'm near Oklahoma. Well not real close but closer to Oklahoma than to the Gulf. I might get a little rain but it shouldn't be anything worth fussing over. I went to the hospital yesterday for my GI appointment. First time I've been there at this particular clinic. My HIV clinic is not in the main building its about a block away from the main hospital in its own building. UUggh the hospital is soooo nasty. I had to sit in the hallway because the waiting area for the GI clinic smelled like piss and mold. Plus it was crowded and ya'll know how I hate being crowded. Fortunately the exam rooms are decent. I got a 3rd year medical student to do my history and preleminary exam. She was good. I liked her better than the lady who takes care of me at the HIV clinic. The doctor came in and mashed on my belly and asked a few questions. So now I have abdominal CT and a colonoscopy apointments that are supposed to be made. I have to call the hospital to make sure they do it. LOL they actually gave me the numbers and said for me to call and make sure the appointments they are making for me are made and if not to do it myself. They did confirm that I have Helicobacter pylori. But I'm still not being treated for it because my HIV meds interact with the meds to kill it and my tcells are too low to take me off my meds for the two weeks it takes to treat the infection.

Hi Game! Welcome to the ladies part of the forums. Yes, this is the dating thread; you can introduce yourself to us etc. We talk about our daily lives here, our struggles, victories, and we just support each other. This is a wonderful group of ladies.

Andrea, I'd be pulling my hair out if I had to sit through 8 hours a day of Math. Yuck!! I don't know what to tell you about your dog; sometimes things happen. As long as he knows he did wrong etc. Gotta still love him; I know you do.

Wendy, I'm glad you're out of the way of the hurricane. Helicobacter Pylori, aye? Sounds like a very sophisticated bacteria. No, seriously, I hope they can come up with something for it. I mean, you don't have to wait until your T-cells get a lot higher do you? Maybe when you go for your other appointments they'll have been able to come up with something else? I hope so. Glad the swelling is going down.

Well, today at the Hope went good. I talked to a guy for awhile who is looking for somewhere to stay (he's on the street as of today) and all the shelters are full. He has a sad story, as does everyone I know who's homeless. There needs to be more places for homeless people. I wish the government would focus on something really worthwhile instead of the damn war. Anyway, next week I work by myself. Keep your fingers and legs crossed next Tuesday and Wednesday that I don't majorly fuck up. The guy who's in charge of the kitchen brought myself and the other lady who was with me sack lunch, so I have something to eat for supper that I didn't have to cook. Yay!

Other than that, nothing else going on. I hope you ladies are having good afternoons.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

I think they are waiting until my tcells are over 200. Which really sucks because its taking forever to get there. LOL

I betcha the H pylori has something to do with the all this puking.

My memory really sucks. I think my last tcell count was either 136 or 176 or something like that. I just cant remember. I suppose if I looked through the thread I'd find where I said it. LOL but I'm not going to do that.

I played with pictures again today. Its a good sit down and not expend a lot of energy activity. I used a picture of me from a few weeks ago so I didn't have to put makeup on today. The hand is today but its just a hand and I don't care if my manicure is non existant.

tendai

not much going on here. work work work. stupid phones are acting up so theres a lot of stuff i cant do.

Game - welcome to the forum. i hope u like it here

Betty - u know it strikes me as rather strange that there would be so many homeless people in america. one would think that the worlds richest nation would be able to provide accommodation for everyone. here at least people have the choice of going back 'home" to the rural areas. where our grandfathers and forefathers lived before people came to towns and cities looking for work. like in the movie "in pusuit of happyness" when will smith gets kicked out of thier home and sleeps in shelters etc. i dont know it just seems so wrong. anyway im glad u're enjoying volunteering. looking forward to school again? i just keep postponing, maybe im lazy..

Andrea - sorry about the dog biting you, thats the major reason why im not crazy about dogs, u never know what they're thinking.

did i tell u guys how it ended up with Shyguy? well when i was on holiday we werent that much in contact. then he sends an SMS saying how he's thrilled that his girlfirends back from South Africa and how he's taken leave off work to screw her to his hearts content. he did not have to throw that information in my face thank you very much. its obvious what they wil be doing together. anyway i just said i was happy for him getting laid and that was that. not a peep from him after that. whatever.

Good morning, ladies! I talked to my mom yesterday and she said that the contract my dad was flying for ended and he was on his way to Colorado before the storm hit. So, he is safe and sound flying far away from the storm. It's been nearly a month since he's been home. The last time he was, he only got to stay for 4 or 5 days. He's supposed to be home the 1st of August, but no one is holding thier breath. The kids really miss him and I know my mom does.

Wendy, when I first read your dx, I saw "helicopter"..lol..I must've had dad on my mind - that's what he flies. Have you ever thought of a way to make money doing the picture thing you do? I'm serious! Like for websites, or ads or something. I know, then it becomes work and no fun. But, you are really good at it. I always enjoy your sig lines.

Betty, glad you had a good time volunteering. I go on my ride along for Meals on Wheels later this morning. I have to bring in all sorts of information for them and I had papers to fill out.

Ten, I'm glad your back at work and doing well. As far as Shyguy goes, good riddence!

Game, welcome to the forum!

Netta, good to hear from you, hun!

Just as we were packing the kids in the car for VBS, my solar dryer fell over - full of clothes! The sleeve is concreted in to the ground, and then the umbrella part goes into the sleeve. When it fell, it pulled up all the concrete from hole. So, Hubby and I had to rush and try to save what we could from getting muddy. Of course, I had a load of socks, so it took forever to get them all unhooked and in the basket. The best we can figure is that with the rain, it loosened the ground around the concrete. Add the weight of the clothes, and the thing just toppled. So, today, he's going to dig another, bigger, hole and use more concrete. So now, I've got clothes to re-wash and I had to put what stayed clean in the dryer last night so they wouldn't heat up the house today.

Tonight Hubby and I teach VBS and I haven't thought of anything to top nearly burning the church down last year..lol..the kids still talk about that stunt. The weather has been much more tolerable. Yesterday's high was 75, but the humidity was a killer. Today is only 80 with partly sun and much lower humidity. After breakfast, I'm kicking the kids out to play and run off their pent up energy.

Tendai, as for shyguy, well, most men are hornier than dogs and think the whole world wants to know about it. Hello, we don't! As for the homeless problem in America, yes it is horrible. Our nation does have resources to house people. It's just that the wealthy don't want to come off of their money for stuff like that. They do have a nice homeless center downtown that gets a lot of backing from Notre Dame. They're talking about cuts in the city budget, and of course the programs that are the most needed are going to get cut...Youth Service Bureau, Boys & Girls Club etc. But, Notre Dame is putting up apartment buildings all over town. It just makes me sick. Here in the US, if you're not wealthy, you struggle.

Mum, you always have a good story (re the dryer). Never a dull moment, eh? I know you'll enjoy doing the Meals on Wheels. It makes a lot of people's day to get those meals. It always made my dad happy. Speaking of dads, I'm glad yours is flying away from the hurricane. He sure is gone a lot. I wouldn't like that, but maybe your mum's kind of used to it.

Usually my therapist comes today, but he's on vacation. So I've really got nothing on the schedule. I usually go to an NA meeting on Thursday night, so I'll probably do that later. Of course, it depends on what my mood is by then. Saturday night is another NA speak-a-thon thing. I'm thinking my bff will pick me up for that.

Ladies, I'm still not smoking. Today will be the 5th day. Everything's going well so far. I hope I'm not going to gain a bunch of weight. I'm exercising every day and drinking tons of water, which seems to help with not wanting to smoke and also not overeating. I'm trying to measure out my food according to what's a single serving instead of slopping a lot of food on my plate. And I'm not keeping a lot of sweets around. I just can't say no to chocolate and more chocolate.

Alright, you ladies have a good morning. I'll be back later.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Mum- What is a solar dryer? I always thought you just hung your clothes out on like a clothes line. I think that if everything went perfectly you wouldn't know what to do LOL! Have fun at VBS! I used to go when I was younger. I really enjoyed it. That was where I got "saved". You never know what impact you make on a child.

Betty-Good for you and the not smoking! You can do it!!! I am thinking of you!!!

Ten- What is it with men? They think we are hard to figure out...whatever!

Well I am almost done with the math training. I should explain really what it is. It isn't a "math class". It is basically a breakdown of the state framework and how the curriculum addresses that. We look at the state standards and what needs to be done to reach all learners and look at the material and how it does that. It is something that the state is ENCOURAGING 4th and 5th grade teachers to take. Our state standards are one of the hightest in the nation yet are test scores are close to the lowest so they want to make sure that all the needs are met. Really it does not take 5 days to explain...

Well my boo boo is healing just fine and I have forgiven Vivian.... It looks a lot worse then it is.

Not much else to report. Hard to have anything go on when you are sitting in a room 8 hours a day...LOL! Have a good day everyone!

Wendy, when I first read your dx, I saw "helicopter"..lol..I must've had dad on my mind - that's what he flies. Have you ever thought of a way to make money doing the picture thing you do? I'm serious! Like for websites, or ads or something. I know, then it becomes work and no fun. But, you are really good at it. I always enjoy your sig lines.

My dad was a helicopter pilot in the Army a long long time ago. I took some classes for webpage design. I even bought a dotcom and toyed with webpages. Most of what I have learned is self taught though. I'm just having fun with the pictures and I've just started to learn how to do it with practice. I'm not sure who would pay me to make funny pictures. LOL It might be fun. I gave up on the webpage. Not sure why. I've worked on it here and there but I haven't maintained it as well as I first intended. If I where to remake it I could make a better one now. But it would take a lot of time and I'm not in the mood to play with it. I have a new toy LOL

I put makeup on earlier so I'll take some photos today. In the pictures my hair looks way more red than when I'm looking in the mirror. Funny how that works.

On the H pylori, one of the webpages I read said H. pylori is a very common infection of the stomach. It may be the most common infection in the world. Its a bacteria that can cause infection of the stomach. Some people have it and it doesn't cause any problems while other people do have problems.

Not much going on with me. The new landlord turned in my paperwork and the new place is scheduled to be inspected on Tuesday. Hopefully, I will get my keys after that. Just got done doing a little vacuming around here. Figured out that the battery in the car had a dead cell so I had to go to WalMart and get another one.

Game--Welcome to the Forums, a great group of ladies here, you'll see.

Andrea, so, is today the last day of math training? I wouldn't care if it were a real class or just speaking about the subject-I dislike math very much. I don't know how I managed to get an A in the college algebra class I took a couple semesters ago. Miraculous is all I can say. Actually I bribed the teacher (not really). We have to forgive our animals. We forgive humans way more than getting bit.

Wendy, I loved that video. I don't know how you make your signature lines. It's all too much for me. How are you feeling?

Queen, I bet your getting excited, aren't you? I'm glad all the car needed was the battery replaced. What's left on it to get it up and going?

Last night I went to the HIV support group our town has. It was alright I guess. Nothing much goes on there. It was just me and three other guys. We were looking at the state's (Indiana) numbers though and in our county over 400 people are infected. I don't understand why more people don't go to the support group. And I'm always the only female there (when I go). But, I'm used to that. The two females I had as friends who were HIV+ died years ago.

I'm still not smoking. I think about it sometimes. Mostly when I'm around other people who smoke, so I'm trying to limit that. I really want it to work this time.

Next week I register for classes. The first 8 weeks (both 8 weeks make up the semester) I'm taking Microeconomics and Intro to Government (these are both required or I would so not take them). The 2nd 8 weeks I'm taking Forensic Psychology and Human Sexuality. I'm sure those classes will keep me busy. And I don't plan on giving up my volunteer work.

Today I have to go to a couple stores and (hopefully) do laundry. Other than that, nothing else planned. I hope you ladies have a good day.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Weather was PERFECT yesterday so our kids were outside for about 6hrs straight. They came in with just enough time to bathe, get dressed, eat, and leave for VBS. We came home, put the kids to bed, and they are still sleeping! Today is supposed to be hotter (by about 10 degrees), but still hard to complain. If we can get the house cleaned today, then we're going to take the kids to see either Wall E or Kitt Kitridge tomorrow at the theatre.

Andrea, a solar dryer looks like a huge umbrella. When you open it, it has 4 "sides" that all have 5 rows of line. We have a comercial-sized washer and the dryer is big enough to hold 4 of our loads. Also, there is a sleeve that gets concreted into the ground. The dryer pole goes into the sleeve. That way in the winter, or when Hubby mows, we can take out the dryer, cap up the sleeve, and all is good. When the wind blows, our dryer has doo-dads that make it spin slowly to help it dry faster. Aren't you glad you asked?

Betty, both my grandmothers get Meals. Some of the people we delivered invited us in to sit and talk. We're not supposed to but it was hard. In the winter, we'll deliver an extra "meal", usually canned or frozen, in case there's a day that we can't deliver because of snow. Are you excited about school? I had to take the same classes that you are taking. I enjoyed the government class. Here's to the last year of school!!! I'm fully expecting a graduation invitation.

Queen, I'm so happy for you and your new apartment. I hope you've solved the last of the car problems. How far away from your old apartment is your new apartment? Will you have a place to park your car, or will you have to park it on the street?

Hannah Montana is on the Today Show, so guess what we WON'T be watching. I'd love to smack both her parents. She has 4 siblings, too, that no one ever talks about. Can't be easy for them. Maybe I'm odd, but I think about those things. I'm (somewhat) happy for her, feel bad for the siblings, and want to smack her parents..lol..I'm sure that constitutes some sort of disorder.

Speaking of disorders, our youngest is being tested for Prophyria. We see a specialist in Charleston the end of August. It's a series of tests. Depending upon what the 1st tests show, we'll continue to the next test and so on. But, pretty much the 1st test will tell us if she has prophyria, and the other tests will show what form and what it's affecting. So, we'll see.

Laundry and the house is all we have on the agenda today. Have a great Friday and an awesome weekend!Much love,Mum

Mum - I had to google prophyria is this a good description? http://www.mcsrr.org/resources/articles/S5.htmlYour solar dryer sounds an awful lot like what we call a fancy clothes line. LOL My old house before I moved in with Billy we had those steel T shaped bars with two lines running between them. The kids liked to hang off of them and I had a tendency to bump my head into them or try to cut my head off on the line. LOL

Betty Thank you. I'm good right now. I've been feeling ok during the morning and early afternoon. Sometimes not so good in the evening. I had a low fever last night and felt like there was a stone in my gut. I just went to bed early so I wouldn't have to feel shitty. Aside from what seems like every other day feeling like crap in the evening I'm almost back to my normal. Good luck with the smoking. I've gotten to where I usually dont smoke more than 3 a day. Always outside. I do smoke more if people around me are smoking.

Mum, could you break down Prophyria into simple wording? I hope it's not too serious. Make sure you keep us updated. It is hard to not get involved with people, like you were saying about the people who want you to come in and talk to them. I'm finding that out at the place I'm volunteering with the homeless people. Everyone has a story.

Wendy, is there nothing the doctors can give you to relieve the pain in your gut? It seems like there would be something. I don't blame you for going to bed to not feel the pain. It sounds horrible and very bothersome.

I went shopping and got my laundry done. And it's not even 3:00 yet. I feel like I accomplished a lot. I went to the Farmer's Market and they have Red Haven peaches in right now, so I had to get a couple of those. I ate one already of course, and man, was it delicious. So much better than what I get at the grocery stores. I also got some sweet cherries. I would love to learn how to can to be able to can fruit. Of course, I have nowhere to put it.

I really have nothing else planned. I'm going to check out the other threads and take a nap. Have a good afternoon everyone.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Wendy, that's prophyria. They expect it because of her skin, neuro-issues, and her wee head. Our clothes line isn't in a T-shape. It looks more like a square umbrealla. We had to get the biggest they make to have room for all the clothes. LOL about your head. We had the T-bar type when i was growing up. i remember my mom having to mow under neath it while being bent over. That would totally kill my back. When he mows, Hubby just closes it (like an umbreall) and pulls it out of the sleeve that's concreted.

Betty, prophyria is 1 of several disorders that messes up the production of heme - the main ingredient in hemoglobin (red blood cells). The best way to describe it is like an 8-person assembly line making a cake. Each person has to add a specific ingredient. Now, imagine 1 or more of those people were missing. What you end up with might look like a cake, but it would taste different, maybe not rise correctly, have an odd texture or shape. Basically, it wouldn't be a proper cake. Same with prophyria - part/s of the assembly line to make heme is missing. Therefore, "true" hemoglobin can't be made. Depending on which part of the assembly line (enzymes) are missing, dictates what part/s of the body or which organs are effected. The one that #6 is assumed to have is the 3rd most common form. There are 2 forms that effect the skin and several that effect the brain. Also, because it can effect digestion, it would explain why she doesn't eat. WHEW!

According to everything we've read, it's very RARELY fatal in itself. What we have to watch out for are all the other related issues like skin infections, liver damage, malnutrion, etc. There's also a very specific diet with foods / meds to avoid. Just one more day in my paradise.

I've got 1 more load to get washed and hung out to dry then I'll be DONE. The kids are taking forever to finish their bedrooms. Their 30-minute job has now turned into an all-day event. I better go light a fire under them. I really want this done before we have to leave in a couple of hours.

Mum - My first thought was Progeria but thats wayyyy different and it would be obvious from looking at her.

Betty - The GI doctor I saw wouldn't give me anything. He said I'd have to get pain meds from my regular doctor. They recently started giving me hydrocodone in small quantities. Never enough to last until my next visit. When it works it works but I sometimes get nausea from them so it doesn't work out. One of the symptoms of H pylori is nausea. Fortunately I don't get it all the time. The H pylori is the only diagnosis they have so far for me so I think they are being cautious. Now that I'm talking about it I remembered I havent been able to schedule the colonoscopy because the phone line says they are too busy to try my call later. Now its too late in the day to try again. But I did manage to get a appointment for a CT scan. Maybe they will be able to see something. Not that I want them to find anything. I just want to stop having trouble with my guts.

Wendy, I used to get nausea all the time. The doctor prescribed Phenergan for me and it worked well. Before I was on the pills, the doctor gave me injectable Phenergan; then when my nausea got more under control, I got the pills. Maybe that would work for you?

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

I have a disclosure dilema. I know that disclosure tends to get beatten around a lot, but I have a unique situation. I was going to post it in another forum, but I care what you ladies think more than I do the general population. I may, eventually, put it out there, but for now, I'll just ask you all.

Tonight I signed Mini up for fall baseball. She'll be playing coach's pitch and we know her coach VERY well. Anyway, part of the form asked for diagnosis, medication names, and doses. I left everything blank. I figured that: a) there are people in town that know she's poz, b) she'll never be at any game or practice without Hubby, my mom, and/or me there so on the very off chance that we had a bloody mess, 1 of us would take care of it, and c) my main priority is and always will be protecting my child. Chances of contracting HIV from playing ball is slim to none. Therefore, I felt that the best way to protect her, without harming anyone else, was to not disclose.

And, no, I didn't disclose about her cerebral palsy or her diabetes. No one brings snacks, kids bring their own water bottles, so I won't have to worry about someone "slipping" her sugar. I want her to have a fair shot at normalcy. I truly believe that if I disclosed about her CP that the coaches wouldn't play her as often for "fear" of what may happen when in fact NOTHING would. Again, it was about protecting her and letting her be Mini and not a list of disabilities.

Hello ladies! YAY!!! I am done with the training! That was the longest week of my life! Next week I have to start the second part of my computer training. This school year we are going to one-to-one laptops in the 5th grade. ALL 5th graders will get a laptop from the school district. It is theirs to keep. We are supposed to use them in the classroom. Apparently my school district has some deal with DELL. I am kind of apprehensive about all this. We have had enough problems in the past with desktop computers not working and printers not working. I can't imagine what is going to happen when all 36+ students have their own computers. I guess we will see...

Mum- I don't think you have to disclose at all. It is not like she is going to be in a situation where she might infect anyone. I played softball for 13yrs and I don't ever recall bleeding profusely. I do remember getting serious bruises...LOL!The way I look at is that "universal care" will be provided in any situation like that. I also wonder about all those people who don't even know they are infected. They are not passing it on because of bleeding on someone. Anyways...that's all.

Today I had to go in for my routine blood work and I always have to sign a release form for the the HIV test. First of all the cat is out of the bag, I have it. No surprise. Secondly, I did not know that they were testing each time I went in for my counts. I am going to have to as my ID doctor when I see him.

Before I go, Hello to everyone! I would write comments but I am kind of in a hurry....

Mum, I wouldn't disclose. There's really no need to. I think they probably ask those questions in case the kid's parent/guardian's not there and there was a medical emergency or something. Or maybe it's just routine that they ask that question. I see no need though, why you should disclose since you, your hubby and/or your mum will always be there. That's my two cents.

Andrea, I bet you're glad that training is done. I got "rechecked" for HIV one time. It was like a year after I tested poz in the treatment center, I went down to our city's health department "just in case." I was just trying to wish it away. Of course, the test came back positive. I've never been tested for HIV again. I don't know why they would be testing you so often. It doesn't make sense. I don't know what to say about those kids getting laptops. Seems a little early to me, but I know the US is in competition with other countries.

It's grey and rainy outside. It's not supposed to be like this all day, though. Later on this afternoon, my bff is coming over after she gets off work. Then, a little later, we're going to the NA speak-a-thon thing that they have once a month. I can't believe it's time for it already.

Alex called yesterday and wanted to know when he could come by and get the couple boxes he left here. I told him Sunday afternoon would be good. He asked how I was doing and we talked for a couple minutes.

I really don't have anything else happening right now. I hope you ladies have a good morning.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Andrea and Betty, that was pretty much the way we felt. It's not like Mini will somehow let it "slip" - she discloses more about her diabetes than anything. And, if a parent chooses to freak out, then they choose to freak out and we'll deal with it if and when it happens.

Andrea, I'm not sure about giving kids laptops, either. If something happens to them, are the parents responsible for replacing them? When my neice was in middle school (she'll graduate med school in May), the parents were required to buy the kids laptops. Her parents, and most others, couldn't really afford them, but they were required. My neice took it back and forth everyday and they used them for 1 class maybe twice. I guess giving them out is a way to get around those who can't afford them. I just think it poses a huge, and expensive, liability. What state are you in?

Betty, I can't believe how FAST this year is going. It feels like we just had Christmas and now it's nearly August. Have fun at your speak-a-thon.

Nothing on the agenda today. I'll need to go and pick up a few things from the grocery store. I'm planning a craft with the kids and need to find cheap shirts, which means I'll also end up at AC Moore. While I'm at it, I may as well head over to the Farmer's Market. At the end of VBS last night, each of the kids got a certificate for a free kids' meal from Chic-fil-a so we'll go there for lunch. I'm not a huge fan, but, for free, I think I can manage.

Hello all, well I haven't been here in a little while so I have lots of catching up to do which I plan to do once I have a free moment to read through what I've missed. I hope everyone is doing well. As for me, nothing too exciting just busy with everyday things. Im trying to get myself together to go back to school and looking for a new Job. Nothing much else. I guess thats enough to keep me busy though. I just wanted to say hello and I will check back later after I read through what Ive missed.

Betty - They gave me some anti nausea pill cant recall the name right now. It doesn't work, that's all I know. I have heard of Phenergan. Not shocking considering the number of people I've know with HIV and or cancer LOL If it becomes too much to bear I'll ask for something else. Its not a daily thing so I'm allright.

Mum - I don't have much to add to what was already said about the discloser thing with Mini. I agree with what was said. I've experienced how ignorant and panicked a childs parent can be when they discover their kid has been playing with someone with HIV. Mini doesn't need to deal with that. Its not like the kids are going to be swapping blood with each other and with her age and gender the sport likely wont be too rough.

Mum, I know the year is going way too fast. Tomorrow I register for classes and start Sept. 2nd (which is my birthday also). What is AC Moore?

Wendy, I hope your nausea calms down. I hate being nauseated; it's one of the worst feelings in the world. Phenergan works well.

J, thanks for checking in with us and letting us know you're alright.

The speak-a-thon went alright. Nothing unusual happened. The main speaker was pretty good. They had nachos w/ cheese and taco meat and they were so filling. I ate about 3/4 of them and came home and crashed right away. I thought I was going to bust out of my pants.

Today I went to church, came home and ate a little. I'm kind of tired and thinking about taking a nap. I hope everyone's doing alright. Haven't heard from some people in awhile again-Drag, Cin, Queen, Wish, Snow, Keeping, and anyone else I'm missing-we miss you! Take care ladies.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

We are waiting for a phone call from Billy's fake adopted momma. Today is her birthday. She is now 70. An hour ago she said she was going to fix her hair and face and we would all go to lunch. Well I might have to get a snack. LOL

just checking in... a week to go before i go back to europe and i'm trying to use my time, i barely got to see friends, each of them for just a couple hours, though i stayed overnight with one friend. can you beleive i havent been to the beach yet? I am having a great time just hanging around my parents house. I'm such a recluse... I have more fittings for the dress and bought shoes and a bra for it today. I have another riding lesson tuesday. Last time i was trotting (or the horse was...). I'd love to continue, doubt if I can afford it in the netherlands though. we'll see.

I wish I could stay here forever, but with my BF, I am missing him a lot now...

Thanks for all the understanding comments on the homesickness/guilt situation, it has gotten somewhat better, probabaly because I got used to it or b/c my menstrual craziness is over for this month.

I got tons to write about but tired, its past midnight and i drove 5 hours today to see a friend and her new baby.

i wish you were all driving distance! maybe one day...

Tendai - Shyguy is an idiot and a prick. I am also willing to bet my bank account that he is really, really bad in the sack...

Wendy - I hope it keeps improving and the evening catch up with the days. what an upward struggle for you.

Betty - I know what you mean about the stories. There's so much pain and sadness in the world. It makes me feel so angry and futile and helpless. Great going on the smoking break. Keeping things crossed.

Game - welcome on board!

Queen - looks like things have settled down for you, isn't it grand?

Viv - I would be snoring, literally. If they can't make it interesting for you how can they expect it to be interesting for the kids? You don't need to beat yourself over your own dog biting you IMO.

Mom - I wouldn't disclose, but I hope it doesnt get you in trouble. I didn't disclose at the horse ranch or the gym, whenever I get asked about health, I dont say anything. I can't. Not if I want to be allowed to do anything. I think this is for insurance reasons, they want to cover their butt if something happens (touch wood).

Greetings to everyone, hope you're all doing great and enjoying summer! xoxox

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"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Wendy- I don't remember if the you said that the doctor said it would go away or not. Is it getting ANY better or is just easier to deal with? I know when I had my throat lesions and I was popping 6-8 Vicadin(sp?) a day, it got to the point where the pain didn't lesson I just got used to it...I hope you feel better soon!

Drag-It sounds like you are having a nice break! When is your wedding?

Queen- I hope it's going good with the move.

Jshort-Hey!

Mum-I know...it seems like the year has flown right by...

Ok...I have a question for all the crockpot queens out there. I want to make some chicken and I have some thighs and I was planning on cooking them in BBQ sauce on low. Is that OK? I usually don't cook without a recipe so I am not sure what to do...Should I put water or anything?

Well I am sorry to say that I was not busy, I was just enjoying my time of absolutely nothing! After the loooong week it was nice just to relax. I did my laundry and mopped the floor but that's about all. I hope you all have a good evening!

We finally got to brunch <LOL> at 3pm. I always enjoy time spent with her and her husband.

Andrea - I'm thinking of my son when he was in the 5th grade. That laptop would be lost or broken in no time. The h pylori they aren't treating because there is some drug interaction with my HIV meds and my tcells aren't high enough for them to take me off my meds for the two weeks it would take to treat the infection. They are still trying to figure out if anything else is wrong with me. I have a CT scan scheduled for August and they are supposed to do a colonoscopy if I can ever get them to answer the phone so I can schedule it. I have pain 24 - 7 in the area of my abdomen from the belly button down to the pelvic bone and across from one hip to the other. Its got to be intestinal or girl parts or both. I don't know yet. It was initially diagnosed as irritable bowel but it doesn't seem like a good diagnosis to me. More like a guess from the doctors trying to mollify me. They have yet to do any real tests aside from blood work and this is three years in the making. I don't have any insurance, never have as an adult, I was infected by the time I was 19 years old. So I am reliant on the county hospital for all my medical needs.

So I cross my fingers and hope they can give me an answer that I believe. I wont settle for what I feel is a guess. I want to see evidence of something. I want to see the lab results and the xrays and anything else they can show me. LOL I'm a little bossy that way.

I'm not sure about the crock pot and bbq sauce. I'd think it should be alright since the chicken will release juices but I don't know for sure. I looked at some recipes online and there are several that suggest that it would be ok. I saw one that said add a cup of coke and a cup of sauce. Not sure about that LOL

Good to see you Drag and Keeping.

Betty how long have you been smoke free? I could likely quit if I put my mind to it. I am smoking less than 5 a day. Usually only 3. But I haven't decided to quit completely.

I'm feeling pretty good this evening except for the pain in my belly. I'm in good spirits feeling like a happy camper trying to ignore my guts.

As far as the laptops go...it is a win-win situation. The parents don't have to pay and if they break they get a new one. Nothing like that was ever offered when I went to school. I just hope they work and they actually have them when we need them!

I am going to look for recipes...I don't know why I didn't think of that.

I am trying to eat and type at the same time and my dog is sitting right next team waiting for a bite. She drools and it drives me crazy! I tell her I don't sit by her and stare when she is eating but it doesn't seem to phase her...LOL!

Good evening ladies! After church, we went to my parent's house for lunch and swimming. I fell asleep and now the top of my head is sunburned.

Vyv: BBQ chicken in the crock pot ROCKS big time! But, dont' do it on low unless you plan on leaving it all day long. You can also boil them for a few minutes to start the cooking process. But, i put about 1/2 of the sauce in the bottom, then put the chicken in, top with the rest of the sauce. Cover and cook on med / high for about 5hrs. You can also do them in a dutch oven at 350 for about 3hrs - 5hrs (depending how much chicken you're doing). OR, you can bake them in a 350 oven for about 1 1/2hrs. Make sure the chicken is in a single layer, pour on the sauce, and cover with foil.

Any left over chicken can be taken off the bone, shredded, and used for sandwiches. It freezes really well, too.

Hubby and I have decided not to disclose. For me, it was pretty much a non-issue. What made me nervous is that a friend of our's was registering her son at the same time and saw that I left the medical part blank. I was worried she'd say something either while we were there or after we left. I guess she didn't, or the lady wasnt' worried about it. She starts practice on Aug. 4th. She'll have the same coach that #2 had in the spring.

Wendy, are you feeling any better, hun? I'm really worried about you. Do you still want me to send that book to you?

Drag, how exciting! It sounds like the plans are going along very well. You (or bf) are much more organized that I was. I sure hope you share some pictures.

Alrighty, ladies, I'm going to do a fast drive-by in the other forums, then I'm off to enjoy my book.

first off I would like to thank the ladies for the invite thanks not much is going on today Im getting ready for bed I have a hair appt tomorrow gotta hide the grey alittle longer I'll post more about me later once again thanks for the warm welcome

Thank you for the tips on the chicken. I am going to leave it today and keep my fingers crossed. I have my next week of training. It is a computer training. I was supposed to do it last summer but I got sick and was on "lock down" for the whole summer. I am just glad I am getting paid for all these trainings. This year I am going to try REALLY hard to save more money for next summer. Either that or find someone to marry so I can have a second income...LOL!

Andrea, let us know how the chicken turns out. It sounds really good. It's hard to save money, I know.

Keeping, what did you have to do? Get a new computer or can you just get a new screen?

Wendy, I've been smoke-free for about a week. I can't smoke just 3 cigarettes a day. My best friend is like that. When I smoke, I get up to like 2 packs a day. I'm feeling some better breathing wise, but I think I'm gaining back the weight I lost.

Mum, the top of your head is sunburned? Well, if you go out you should probably wear a scarf. Ouch!

Brandy, I'm glad you decided to join us. I read your story in the Living With part and I can relate on a lot of aspects. Just jump in here.

Well, I'm getting started late today. Doesn't really matter; I don't have to be anywhere. I tried to register online but either the username or password the school gave me doesn't work. It's all very frustrating. So, I have a call into their tech people. Enrollment is open for a few weeks, though, so it's not like I have to do it right now.

The only things I really have to do today is exercise and clean. I've been wanting to lose some weight and a friend of mine's mum was telling me she uses the South Beach diet. I looked it up online and there's just no way I could follow that diet. For like the first two weeks you can't eat any fruit, have any milk, no bread etc. There's a lot more to it. It's just way too strict for me. Maybe it's time to go see the diabetes educator and she can give me a good diet. I know if I just cut down on what I eat and try to really, really limit my sweets, I'd lose weight with exercising. But, when sweets are around, I'll eat them.

I hope you ladies all have a good morning. I'll be back later.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Well ladies, we finally got all moved in, and unpacked we actually did it all in the first couple of days.....we were exhausted. Of course wouldn't you know that I did indeed have the shingles...and yet once again just like the last time, I waited until I broke out in the most hideous, painful rash before seeing the doc. So, that's where I've been...sick as a dog with fever and such. Feeling better today of course pain meds help

tendai- Hello it's very nice to meet you, we haven't met before in here, have we? LoL I'm a bit loopy at this moment. Anyway, like I said...very nice to meet you, doll.

Andrea, how was the chicken? I love it done that way. It's a nice way to not heat up the house and you can still have BBQ in the dead of winter. If you buy a whole chicken (only buy Perdue, they don't have the guts and neck shoved up the bird's butt), you can put it in the crockpot, too. Just add enough water to cover the chicken, crank that puppy on, cover it, and let it go. You'll know it's done when the leg starts to seperate from the body. I don't season it at all. It's so juicy and tender. The broth makes an awesome base for homemade gravy.

Betty, CONGRATS are certainly in order. 1wk healthier and exercising to boot. I'm so proud of you, seriously. Keep it up, hun, you CAN DO IT!!

Brandy, welcome to the forum and to our family. Jump in whenever you are ready. I can't wait to get to know you better.

I got all my laundry done and hung out today. The high was projected at 85, but by the sheer grace of God, it never got above 70. I had all the windows and doors open. The breeze was almost too cool, but it was a great relief from what we've been having. I got my flower beds weeded and Hubby got the grass cut.

Oh, did I tell you that #6 is FINALLY noopie (pacifier) free. She lost the only 2 we had almost 2wks ago so she's had to learn to do without. She only got it when she was sleepy and going to bed. She still asks for it and will cry, but we're not getting the really bad behaviors we were getting when we tried to take them before. Now if she would potty train.

Well, that's about all I've got today. Tomorrow morning we've got to bring the Honda in to be fixed. Hubby did what he could, but there's something wrong that he can't figure out. We just paid off the bill from the big car, and now we're having to start again with the Honda. It's the car we use for work and we can't leave one of us home with the kids and no transportation in case something happens, or I'd just as soon get rid of it.

Mum - I've been doing really well. Hardly any problems at all. I think it would probly cost more money to mail the book than it would to just get it from the 1/2 price book store. The high for today temperature wise was 104 here. You'd have crispy clothes if you line dried them here. LOL

Betty - Congrats on your week. Its tough I know it.

Sunshine - Oh geez sorry about the shingles. I'm hoping to never get them again. Hope you heal quickly.

I dont really have anything special to say. Just popping in. Hi to the rest of you ladies!

Well the chicken turned out really good. The house smelled so good! Vivian, my dog, was hanging around the kitchen whining...it must of really smelled good to her. The chicken basically fell off the bone. I have a ton left...I deem it a success. Thank you ladies for all your advice.

tendai

welcome to Brandy and Game. hope to hear more from u guys. Brandy hows the hair looking?

sunshine - sorry about the shingles. when i had them there were on my face and i looked like an alien, and gosh how it hurt. i hope u feel better soon

mum - my cousin had dryers like that at the apartment building he used to stay with his family. they were cemented into the ground though. i bet mini looks adorable in her baseball outfit..

wendy - im glad u're feeling better.

betty - way to go on the non-smoking. one day at a time. and good luck with school. Forensic psychology sounds interesting. makes me think of FBI crime films and movies like Profiler and such. I got a DVD of this film called 24 starring keifer sutherland. the concept is quite original, an hour an episode. so have u decided what diet to go on? the one you mentioned sounded like it could do more harm than good..

drag - LOL..little boys like him rarely know how to even start pleasing a woman, so no great loss there..I hope the rest has done you a world of good hey. and im sure your BF cant wait till u get home to him..

andrea - your chicken sounds delicious. one sweet day i'll be able to cook something good like that. good luck with the computer training and all. good thing u're getting paid for it!

man am i in a funk. im bummed out coz i have to spend a lot of money today buying nothing much. theres these guys who have a butchery who said they can bring me meat at a reasonable price. i hope they come. last ate meat two weeks ago. we got these soya things that we call "almost-meat". They look like dried mince meat and some are even flavoured like chicken etc. if u cook them well u can spend the whole day full. and im sick of them. im not a good cook as i manage to either burn or overcook or undercook everything, so u can imagine what badly cooked fake meat would taste like. during my holiday i decided to bake bread. so i had no baking powder and used bicarbonate of soda instead as a raising agent. it rose alright but it tasted like poison. i think i put in too much bicarb, it was sooo bitter i couldnt keep it in my mouth for 2 seconds. my sister came home and tried it and came running to me saying "Thats poison!" I guess the gene for cooking well skipped me coz my mum's such a great cook.