Q: I have been married five years, and I’m miserable. My husband and I are like ships that pass in the night. We have had sex only three times in two years, and I know he’s cheating with different women. Whenever I confront him about neglecting me, he admits he has issues but nothing changes. I believe in my wedding vows and have suggested counseling, but he doesn’t seem willing. I have sexual needs but I will not cheat on him. What approach do you suggest?

-Ruth B.

A: Hi Ruth,

I’m sorry to see you’re in such a difficult, frustrating and emotional situation. The lack of intimacy and personal interaction you describe don’t bode well for a future together. You’re on the right track for suggesting counseling to your husband. His resistance to therapy is typical in a situation like this. Here’s what I suggest that you do.

This situation cannot continue. And I respect your belief in your wedding vows. Make an appointment with a marriage therapist at a time you know your husband is available. Tell him you’ve done so and ask him to go with you. Post the appointment time and date where he can see it and gently remind him of it daily.

If he refuses to go when the time comes, go alone. Speaking with a trained professional will give you a healthy and productive place to share your thoughts and feelings. The therapist will also provide advice and direction for you and play a key role in getting your husband to come in to talk.

Regardless of how this all works out, Ruth, you need to end the status quo, escape the misery and find out once and for all if you can save your marriage.