At least 2 in 1,000 women experience vaginismus once in their lifetime - and probably many more who may be too afraid or embarrassed to seek medical attention and help. With a 95% chance of treating the condition, it is time to talk about vaginismus, shatter the isolation, eliminate the pain.

What is Vaginismus?

"Vaginismus is the term used to describe recurrent or persistent involuntary tightening of muscles around the vagina whenever penetration is attempted."The symptoms include burning or stinging pain upon penetration, as well as intense fear or loss of desire when penetration is attempted.

How does it develop? It is a complex psychosomatic condition, and the causes can be varied, such as a painful first intercourse, sexual abuse, fear of pregnancy or a deeply rooted belief that sex is wrong.

Vaginismus isn't "only" about sex, it's about life. Penetrative sex is not the only thing its victims loose - let's be honest, not all of us prioritise that - but a sense of intimacy or self-worth too. It can painfully interfere with regular gynaecological examinations, the use of tampons and mooncups or even childbirth. And if you have no one to talk to and share your experiences, the isolation can be unbearable.

Let's fight the stigmas around female sexual health and open up the conversation together!

Approximately 10% of adult women have experienced painful intercourse in the last six months.

2 out of every 1,000 women has at least moderate vaginismus.

Approximately 20% of women who seek help from sexual clinics are experiencing vaginismus.

53% of clinical vaginismus patients are married.

53% of women with vaginismus are between 25 and 35 years old, with 18% younger and 29% older.

Diagnosis

The main symptom of vaginismus is an involuntary and painful tightening of the vagina, which may make penetration difficult or even impossible.

For some women it is absolutely impossible to insert anything into their vagina, let it be fingers or tampons. Some may be able to insert a tampon or participate in a gynaecological exam, but sex is not possible. Again others suffering from vaginismus may be able to experience penetrative sex, but find it painful.

Other symptoms can include:

a burning or stinging pain when the vagina is penetrated

intense fear of penetration and pain, which makes you avoid sex

loss of sexual desire if penetration is attempted

The first step after you've realised you may have vaginismus, is to seek professional help and confirm the diagnosis with your GP. As the NHS website clarifies, vaginal examination will be necessary at some point to rule out a physical cause of vaginismus, such as an injury, infection, or oversensitive nerves at the opening of the vagina (provoked vulvodynia).

Healing & Treatment

Is it treatable? Yes it is! Because it’s a condition that involves the head and body, the best thing to do is see a psychotherapist who knows about vaginismus. All the therapists on the COSRT website will have had specific training in this. We strongly encourage you to seek out help from professionals, as treatment success rates hover around 95% in most clinical trials.

If you have more questions about vaginismus and would like to read advice from a trained sexual and relationship therapists, please go the the FAQ section just below.

All things helpful from reading to therapeutic tools and toys. Please be advised that our approach to healing vaginismus is a very sex positive and as such, this section contains is NSFW parts.

Books to help you heal

Sex Guides

With Vaginismus and painful sex often comes a difficulty of reaching orgasm. Whilst a thundering climax may not be the most important thing when it comes to sex, never having one can certainly add to the feelings of frustration and helplessness.

Not having an orgasm isn’t necessarily to do with Vaginismus, and the good news is that you can have one even if you have not yet progressed to penetration. Majority of women report that their orgasm originates from the clitoris, which means no insertion is necessary for sexual pleasure!

Becoming Orgasmiccontains a practical program to help women learn how to have an orgasm, or to have orgasms easier. It’s the self-help guide most often recommended by sex therapists and relationship counsellors.

Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women is not a self-help guide, but still very useful when it comes to learning more abut women’s orgasms, and the different types of orgasms women can experience.

Books to get you in the mood again

Starting with fantasies

Feeling aroused is a big step towards happy, healthy sex with yourself, or with a partner. It can be very difficult feeling sexy when just thinking about sex causes the vagina to clench up.

Reading erotica and enjoying sexy fantasies are great ways of slowly becoming accustomed to thinking about sex in general, and thinking about yourself having sex in particular. You can buy paperbacks if you prefer the traditional style of flicking pages, or there is now an abundance of erotica easily available for more discreet e-reading.

Nancy Friday

The sex-positive feminist

Every woman should, at some point in her life, read a book by Nancy Friday, the American sex-positive feminist whose first book My Secret Garden caused uproar in the early 70’s.

Friday spent time talking to women (and men) about their real-life fantasies, which she then compiled into four books. Allowing yourself to fantasise about the kind of sex you’d like to have is both liberating and arousing.

Eroticism comes in many forms, and if you find yourself fantasising about sexy encounters with both men and women, a book on bisexual erotica could be for you. Choosing a book with many short stories, rather than one long story, means you get more to choose from.

Maybe you prefer to fantasise about other women or girl on girl encounters? There are many excellent lesbian anthologies out on the market, some are softer stories, and some are more graphic if that’s your preference.

Perhaps you’re not so keen on modern writing, in which case classic erotica may be just what you are looking for.

Classics such as Fanny Hill or Delta of Venus never go out of fashion, and you’ll find yourself rereading favourite paragraphs over and over.

Sh! Soft Silicone Dilating Kit with Bullet Vibe

Created to help you advance towards a happy and healthy sex life

The kit consists of four soft and smooth silicone shafts of graded sizes, plus a vibrating bullet. Following and aiding therapeutic work, together with appropriate exercises, the Sh! Dilating Kit will help you transition to pain-free penetration.

Vibrators needn’t be big to be effective; even the teeny-tiny finger tip vibes can be both useful and fun.

Go slow, and always add a generous amount of a lubricant you like the feel of. We recommend water-based lubricants as they are more body friendly. Opting for a paraben-free version lessens the risk of you developing irritation, so always look at the ingredients before making a purchase. Sh! Pure Lube is an excellent choice as it is body-friendly and hypoallergenic.

Choosing a more viscous lube can often be helpful as the thicker liquid creates a soft, padded layer between fingers/toys and vulva or vagina. Sh! Pure Plus Lube is waterbased, paraben-free and viscous.

Feelz Toys Finger Tip Vibrator

These finger tip vibrators are small, non-threatening and very easy to use. Simply slip one (or two) over a finger, and explore the outer contours of your labia. The gentle vibrations will help you relax.

The Finger Tingles is a phenomenal choice for women who feel unsure about sex toys, or are worried that it will feel mechanical or “un-natural”. Simply slip the vibe over your finger, and your finger becomes the vibrator! It’s skin on skin contact, but with the bonus of soft vibrations.

Sh! Mini Pink Vibrator

If a Dilator/Vaginal Trainer doesn’t seem pleasurable or fun to you, there is no reason why you can’t choose a small, soft vibrator instead. As with a dilator, take it slow and don’t force the issue. The Pink Mini Vibe comes with seven settings, giving you plenty to explore.

Sh! Discreet Vibrator

When people say that size doesn’t matter, they haven’t experienced Vaginismus. Size matters. Always start off small – it’s about building confidence for both brain and vagina. The Sh! Discreet vibrator is a little bit bigger than an average sized finger, and can be a good option for someone who doesn’t fancy a Dilator/Vaginal Trainer.

Silicone Dildos

Using a soft, flexible silicone dildo is another good option. They come in a variety of sizes (and colours!) and we can help you find a size that would work for you. If you enjoy vibration, there are vibrating dildos available too.

Support Groups

There is a London Vulval Pain Support Group which includes some women who are suffering with vaginismus. You can find out more on their website. We will also be holding a discussion group as part of our vaginismus awareness event in September, you can reserve a place on eventbrite.

Therapists

Choose a professional who understands your condition!

Sarah Berry

Sex & Relationship Therapist

Having sought therapy for my own sexual difficulties, I have an understanding about how difficult sex and relationship problems can be and how they can impact your life.

I am a registered member of the BACP, working towards COSRT accreditation and specialising in LGBTQ issuess. I offer empathetic, non judgemental open-minded counselling in Northumberland

www.counsellinginnorthumberland.com

Northumberlandcounselling@gmail.com

Krystal Woodbridge

Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist

I am a member of COSRT and a qualified nurse working in St Albans. I am a registered therapist with Pink Therapy and a former winner of the COSRT post-graduate award for work in psychosexual therapy.

www.woodbridgetherapy.co.uk

krystal@woodbridgetherapy.co.uk

Trudy Hannington

Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist

I am a Psychosexual Therapist at the Leger Clinic, in Doncaster, and Chair of The College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists, as well a member of the British Association of Sexual and Relationship Therapy.

www.legerclinic.co.uk/

appointment@legerclinic.co.uk

Clare Staunton

Sex and Relationship Councellor

I'll work holistically to help you gain a sexual identity where pleasure and consent are at its heart - reducing anxiety around intimacy.I'm based in West London, contact details below if you'd like to get in touch.

www.sexualhealinguk.com/

sexualhealinguk@hotmail.com

Mike Lousada

Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist

I have been practicing as a Psychosexual Somatic® Practitioner in different forms for most of my adult life. My psychotherapeutic influences come from many different schools, and is currently working in London.

www.mikelousada.com/

info@mikelousada.com

Carolyn Staunton

Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist

I am Carolyn Cowan, a Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist who is also a sex addiction therapist & a member of COSRT & ATSAC. You can make appointments to see me in Belgravia, central or south London. I can also work via Skype or FaceTime.

I have then undertaken further specialist training with Pink Therapy to work with sexual and gender diversity.I am registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and I am also a general member of COSRT, currently working toward accreditation.

I work as a Principal Clinical Psychologist in a NHS sexual health clinic, and am an active member of the British Society of Sexual Medicine. I run a successful private practice with individuals and couples I take a holistic view of the person, looking at biological, psychological & social factors that cause sexual problems. I use psychological techniques that scientific research has shown to be effective for sexual problems.

I am a professionally qualified COSRT accredited, BACP registered therapist with over 20 years of sexual health experience. I have a private practice in Chelsea and Fulham. My main interests are female clients with psychosexual issues and clients who have inter/cross cultural relationship issues. My primary mode of working is Humanistic-Integrative Psychotherapy.

http://www.rimahawkins.com/

Can't find what you're looking for?

Visit the College of Sex and Relationship Therapist's website for a full list of COSRT therapists in your area. COSRT accreditation is awarded to psychosexual therapists who have met strict criteria in training, experience, knowledge, ethical standards, clinical skills and commitment to continuous professional development; this is audited annually.