I disowned my Father after child abuse incidents

The following was posted anonymously and used with permission of the author. It tells the story of a sexual predator and the steps the abuser took to maintain contact with his potential, and past, sexual abuse victims. It also demonstrates the frustration the victims live through when dealing with a legal system that all too often offers more protection to the offender than the victim.

Throw away account because, well you will see…

My father knocked up my mother with me and they got married. She was a divorcee with two girls from a previous marriage. When I was 6, my mother died of Cancer. My half sisters moved to my grandparents (mom’s side) but my father insisted he raise me. We bounced around from spare room to spare room after losing the house and even lived in a camper for a bit before finally settling into an apartment where he worked nights and I fended for myself ( at 8 ).

Eventually he married another single mom with a daughter. Three years pass and they get divorced. It was messy, cops were in involved, and at 11 years old I had no idea what was going on. Eventually I was taken to a child psych where they asked me if my father had ever touched me. There were accusations that he molested my step sister.

11 year old me thought “No way, not my dad. My step mom must me making it all up.” He was arrested and without me really knowing what was going on and was in and out of jail, charged with child molestation. I didn’t believe it and thought it was very spiteful of my step mom and step sister. One day he showed up at my school and picked me up. My step mom didn’t know what happened until the next day, well after she had called the police for a missing child report.

Another couple years string by and we bounce from place to place until finally settling so I could go to high school uninterrupted. He actively worked to keep me away from my mother’s family and made sure I had zero contact with my step mom. During that time he tells me that I was unplanned, he never loved my mother, and if she didn’t die he would have left her anyway. Also during that time he was sent to prison to serve a term for “No Contest Child Molestation”. He was supposed to serve 30 days; he served 5 hours before being released.

He spent all of his income on lawyers to get the charges scrubbed from his police record. All the time I defended him because he was my dad, I could not see outside of the situation.

I graduated high school and after struggling in community college, I moved in with my half sister (mom’s side). After a few years I found a girl and we got engaged. I got ready to join the service to set up a better life. He was still in contact with me. One day my two sisters pull me aside and tell me that he molested them too, several times during the 6 years that they lived with him.

I confronted him about it. He said it was all a lie. I asked what they had to gain. He backpedaled. He finally said, “So what if I did?” I told him to stop contacting me and cut him out of my life. I was not going to put my future kids at risk. I got married and after a few years had a daughter.

He started tracking me. I am not sure how, but I think he used my social security number to pull credit reports. He then started sending gifts to my daughter. Every time we moved (in the military mind you) he would send a card. I don’t know how he found out. I talked to police and they said they could not do anything because he would always put MY ADDRESS on the return label. He sent gifts, all hidden behind mail order accounts with my mailing address. I ended up getting catalogs in his name at my house.

I started getting emails from (who I thought was) my step sister who had found me online. We talked. She was saying that my dad didn’t really do anything and he bought her a car for graduation. She was defending him, etc. She sent a blurry picture that kind of looked like what I remember my step mom looking like so I thought it was her. Then my REAL step sister contacted me on MySpace (Facebbook sucked at the time) and we exchanged real photos and even phone calls. I suspect my father had faked being my step sister in order to obtain my daughter’s name and other family info and to try to convince me he was a “good guy” that had not done anything wrong. I told my step sister this and it scared her so much she cut off contact with me just in case.

After a mystery package showed up on my doorstep the day of my daughter’s birthday in her name, I remembered how he would take me out on late nights and spy on my step mom after they were divorced, like a stake out. I hadn’t remembered this until then.

I called the cops, said I was in danger, still not enough to get a restraining order though but they helped me set up conditions. I sent him warning emails to all his email accounts (there were many because I blocked all of them one by one as he opened up a new email account to harass me in some way). I don’t know where he lives. I don’t want any more mystery packages or emails, letters, gifts, or attempts to contact me or my daughter. If he violated my wishes I would use the violation as proof of harassment. I got the email receipts certified and keep them in a safe for when he decided to violate it. I am told this can be enough to get a restraining order if he does violate it. So far so good.

I actually fear for my daughter. He has a gun. I have tear gas laced pepper spray in case he appears at our doorstep. He kidnapped me from my step moms. He is manipulative, he has money, and now my daughter is the same age as his past targets. I hope every day I hear that he died.

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Angel Roar aims to teach kids about the child abuse epidemic and the importance of disclosure and to assist parents in understanding how common the problem of child abuse really is and how to cope with a child abuse incident. Angel Roar provides a source of open, “in your face” commentary and news about the child abuse problem while providing interactive, online community based services to assist both parents and children in their recovery.

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