not what you'd expect.

June 28, 2012

A little over six weeks ago, we welcomed Andrew Sawyer (that's his full first name) into the world. It was a bit of a bumpy road, with a NICU stay very similar to Hannah's, but he's been a healthy, bouncing baby boy ever since.

Born at 37 weeks, Andrew Sawyer weighed in at 7 lbs. 5 oz. - pretty darned impressive, if I do say so myself. A good deal of that was head, which measured a full month ahead of time, but now appears normal, since you don't adjust for gestational age once you hit 37 weeks.

He looks A LOT like both Hannah and Caroline. A lot. Their newborn faces are starting to blend in my memory now. His hair is very similar to Hannahs, but his personality is more Caroline. He's very easy going and easy to please. All three of them have the same basic face, but Sawyer has a decidedly more masculine look.

My former boss made this adorable hat (along with booties and a blanket) for Andrew by hand while undergoing chemo. She's clearly a badass. A badass who was planning for a premature baby. We are so very thrilled that we made it through 11 weeks of bedrest, all the way up to his planned c-section date. It was an indescribable blessing to walk PAST the incubators in the NICU with micro premies, knowing that that should have been us.

It was also much easier to deal with his NICU stay, having been through it with Hannah and knowing that it can (and often does) go just fine. All in all, the decision to move the surgery up to 37 weeks (from 38) was a good one. We avoided any placental conditions and, unknowingly, problems with gestational thrombocytopenia that likely would have meant general anesthesia had we waited any longer. So my girl bits are intact and I got to experience his deliverly - complete with a scary "code pink" in the OR when they had to call in the NICU docs and make sure he was okay.

With some history under my belt, I was able to avoid an overproduction issue this time around, carefully pumping only as much as he was consuming in the NICU, despite an overwhelming urge to relieve the pressure and engorgement. As a result, I have normal sized nursing boobies, and a baby who isn't riddled with reflux. It took some doing, and some attention-paying, but the result has been well worth it.

Life, my dear friends, is spectacular. It's not perfect or without challenges, but it's full to the brim. So much so that what used to feel like an overwhelming compulsion to reach out into cyberspace and glean comfort and support from all of you has slackened. I hope that doesn't sound bad! I don't mean it to. I cannot count how many times my life was saved by this blog and my readers.

I'm not shutting down or going away, but I do need to be more realistic about how often I might post here. I have one-and-a-half more weeks of leave before I go back to work. We have hired a day nanny to take care of Andrew Sawyer and the girls, so I'll be able to enjoy them as I work full time from home. I have Patrick. I have new "IRL" friends and evening playdates. I have at-home mani-pedi obligations with the girls. We have gymnastics practices and homework, and a house that needs some lovin'. And all of it makes me smile. And drowsy. It makes me really drowsy.

It's the kind of life that leads you to fall asleep with a baby in your arms and a smile on your lips. And that was the goal all along.

May 07, 2012

One week from today, God willin' and the creek don't rise, we'll be holding our bouncing baby boy in our arms. I've been on bedrest for 11 weeks now, and it's been just about as tough as I had always thought bedrest might be. It amazes me how full and busy my days are, perhaps even more so since I can't just get up and deal with it. So we're both amazed nd relieved to be rounding out this pregnancy.

It's borderline ridiculous that we made it this far. The odds were certainly against us and we couldn't be more pleased that Baby Boy is healthy, BIG, and will be a few days into the "full term" category when we deliver. I'm also trying to savor the last days of this pregnancy. In all likelihood, it will be our last. We had entertained the notion of another, but the high risks of this pregnancy have me feeling much more secure in the notion of this being the last. We're not certain, and we're not taking any permanent measures yet. We want time for the dust to settle from all of this and to get to a much smoother family routine before we make that call.

Still, as anyone who's ever been this pregnant knows, the last weeks are tough - no matter how badly you've wanted to arrive at the end destination.

Baby Boy "dropped" when I went into labor at 26 weeks, and they don't exactly crawl back up outta there once they've done that. Measuring on the big side this whole time, He's gotten bigger and bigger and my pelvis isn't as appreciative of that fact as my lungs are. The hip pain, incredible karate kicks, cervical assaults, and an increase in serious feeling contractions has made it hard to feel the "glow".

Still, having an end that's very much in sight makes a huge difference. I cannot imagine how I'd keep going another four weeks. My short torso is done. Out of space. And a very unwilling participant at this point.

Come Monday morning, we're hoping for a smooth early morning c-section with all of the preparations we've used in the past for a potential accreta. So far, ultrasound hasn't shown a placental issue, but we have seen more placental "lakes" on the last scan (which can be a sign), and since neither the increta or accreta from my past two pregnancies were visualized online, it's not safe or recommended to assume we're in the clear.

My OB and everyone on her staff have been amazing. My new MFA has been equally impressive, and the hospital now has top-of-line care, protocol, and capabilities when it comes to handling maternal hemmorhage. I feel well cared for.

My parents will come to town the day before to take care of the girls, who will all be nursery-side when he's delivered on Monday. All three are over the moon with excitement about the new arrival and we're looking forward to parenting with a true partner and three kids who are old enough to wrap their heads around this, be genuinely helpful, and verbally express themselves whenever needed.

There's still a level of stress in our lives that really isn't quite fair. But we're dealing with it all bit by bit and looking forward to the day when that isn't the case and we can focus all of our attention where life most deserves it.

In the meantime, we're reveling in the love and support we have now, and looking foward to bringing you the good news of Baby Boy's arrival!

April 11, 2012

No?! Well I had. Back in college I was misdiagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and treated for nearly three years before they discovered that it was actually a reaction to an antibiotic I'd been taking for years to treat acne (minocycline). The symptoms were awful - as you might expect for it to look, walk, and talk like RA. But once I stopped the minocycline, they all disappeared. It was borderline miraculous.

Fast forward a few (er, um, handful... some... okay 14) years and guess who started to wonder if her sore joints were actually a symptom of her bedrest (such a nice and logical explanation) or really the same type of drug reaction, this time brought on by some other medicine? Yep, me.

We first talked to our MFM and OB about it two weeks ago. The most likely culprit was the Procardia (Nipedifine) that I've been on for a couple of months now to reduce uterine "irritability" and hopefully fend of preterm labor. It's a high blood pressure medication, actually, and antihypertensives are one of the main categories of drugs that can cause DILE.

But it seemed more likely that bedrest was to blame and since I wasn't in awful pain, the risk/reward analyis seemed to land in favor of continuing the medication. Until Monday. Monday I began to feel awful, and overnight it got pretty damned unbearable. My Tuesday morning I was in enough pain to outright refuse to take the Procardia unless my MFM (who we were seeing that day) demanded otherwise.

She agreed that it was time to stop, and gave me some Tylenol 3 to deal with the pain until the effects of the reaction wear off (it can be anywhere from days to weeks). Fortunately for me, it seems the worst was over in 36 hours. I took a single Tylenol 3 and have been contending with the occassional plain Tylenol ever since. I feel SO MUCH better.

So at 32 weeks 3 days, we're off the Procardia. We'll stick with the Progesterone through 34 weeks, then discontinue that, too.

Our appointment went awesomely. Baby Boy is heads down again, so we got some adorable pictures of his smooshy cheeks and kissy lips. He's weighing in at an uber-healthy 5 lbs 8 oz - four weeks ahead, if you're wondering what that means. He aced the biophysical profile, and my placenta looks lovely.

The plan right now is to aim for a planned c-section under wonderfully calm conditions at 37 weeks. May 14th. The day after Mother's Day. Sweet Jeebus, it feels like we might actually pull it off!

March 30, 2012

Baby Boy is doing just great. He's a biggun, upwards of 90% on all the scans over the past month or two. Right now, as we hit the 31 week mark tomorrow, he should be upwards of 4 lbs. He's supremely active - reminding me a lot of Caroline - and has flipped from head-down to breech FOUR TIMES in the past month. The girls love to gather around and watch my belly roil and tumble. The sensation is not always enjoyable for me, but it's such a huge affirmation that he's healthy and thriving.

We're going to the OB and the MFM once a week, staggered, so that we have two appointments each week. My cervix has held steady at 18mm, which is the most encouraging sign of all.

Being at home has been life-altering. My stress level has gone way down and my quality of life has gone way up.

There are still stress points, though. Two big ones that I won't be able to discuss for a while, and some other more minor ones that are far easier to deal with. I have learned, though, that my stress level has a MUCH bigger impact on me physiologically than I ever would have thought. A stressful day almost always leads to spotting and more uterine irritability and contractions. The correlation has been undeniable.

So we're working hard to sheild me from any unnecessary stressors, and to find good tools for dealing with the stress I cannot avoid. By and large, it's working.

It's hard to believe that when I was first admitted to the hospital, we didn't think we'd make it out of February. Now, it's practically April! We are so relieved to have had all this extra time to keep him safe and cooking. Strictly by the numbers, women like me who were sub 15mm and "sympotomatic" (meaning they had preterm labor) would deliver their baby within 1 week 70% of the time.

March 17, 2012

It's hard to overemphasize how wonderful it is to see our home, our bed, our bathroom, OUR DVR!!! Patrick is grabbing the prescriptions I need and a few items to make things more comfy here, but overall, I already have everything I need. Most particularly, unfettered access to him and the girls (who aren't home yet today but will be tonight).

For any of you who've been on bedrest at home, please share tips about making it easier. I already have a spectacular husband who's even more strict than I am about keeping me still, but I'm guessing there are little tricks of the trade that make this easier.