Paralyzed since I was 18 years old, I have spent much of the last 30 years thinking about the reasons why the social life of crippled people is so different from those who ambulate on two feet. After reading about the so called Ashley Treatment I decided it was time to write a book about my life as a crippled man. My book, Bad Cripple: A Protest from an Invisible Man, will be published by Counter Punch. I hope my book will completed soon.

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Friday, September 17, 2010

Good, the Bad and Ugly

Let me start by saying thank you for all the kind words, support, and suggestions. Today was a mix of emotions, news and procedures. As to the good, I found a used clinitron bed I can purchase. It will arrive next Thursday so I can get home. I am simply going mad here in the hospital. It is a fine instituion, the care quite good but far from ideal. This is in no way a complaint rather hospitals are dangerous uncomfortable places to stay. As for the baad, my small wound on my left side was debrided. In other words I had bed side surgery. The wound is deep, much dead tissue was removed. Just writing this brings me to tears. I had hoped, was in denial maybe, it was superficial. So here I lay with not one but two major wounds.

If I have done anything right it is to torture myself with how: how did this happen. My answer is as unrevealing as it is hopeless--I have no idea. This more than any aspect of my care haunts me. Measures have already been put in place to insure I will never be in this situation again.

Finally, the good. I am blessed with a great family. The support I get is overwhellming and deeply moving. I am not good company but I do appreciate all that my family does. Sometimes I just need to be alone, work through things by myself. I hope they understand thIs. I guess I am trying to confess I have been cranky and upset in the extreme. This is going to be a tough road and return to normalcy--one that has barely begun. I also know my crankiness will carry me far--it always has when times are hard.

5 comments:

Indeed, hospitals these days are dangerous places. Plus it's true, there is no place like home. I think I'm the only person I know who actually asked my dr. to keep me in the hospital - I knew my home was in no way ready for me to be there.

Sorry to hear about all of this. I hope the debriding puts you on the road to health right away--the clinitron at home should definitely help. Hospitals are a mess. Cranking can give momentum and absorbing cranky is one of the many services a family provides... glad yours is there for you.

I'm just now catching up with your posts on wounds, and switching back and forth in my chair, thinking about the skin on my backside.. I'm somewhat lucky, in that my only really bad pressure sore was on my knee, where it didn't affect my mobility...but I fear for the day with one that will leave me in bed. Get better soon, and remember that pressure sores do not have "fault"...sometimes we just feel that way.