Female and male decisions implicating on intimate relationships and dynamics

Sunday, 17 November 2013

Why men should never rely on their looks

“Sometimes you can’t know
where you’re going, until you know where you’ve been.”

This post
may appear to be biased towards good looking men only, but if you’re patient
enough to stick with it there will be evidential messages that apply to, and
assist, men of all physical attractiveness levels. Women will also take something from this too,
as they will relate to their rollercoaster emotions that revolve when put in
the somewhat predicament of uncomfortable feelings and plausible deniability.

Earlier this
year I saw a young woman at the gym (Virgin Active Derby, wink wink) who caught
my eye. She was blonde, approximately
5ft 8 inches in height, she possessed a curvaceous body and was privileged with
a pretty face. I’d say her age is 24, as
very few women look younger than their birth date. I’ve seen her outside of her gym kit, and
she’s a solid 8.25/10. Push me and I’ll
consider scoring her at an 8.5/10, and that will surpass my own relative and
humble self-assessment grade of 8.25/10 in male physical attractiveness. On that first occasion she looked over her
shoulder to take a glance at me as she walked past. The following day we walked in opposite
directions and she gave me a smile. I’ll
always keep these moments in a real and objective form, because if I was to
paint a situation to suit my own ego, all validity of a post like this isn’t
worth the effort to even tap one key.
But I took on board enough to be assured she was physically attracted to
me.

The
following week, I stepped on one of the cross-trainers next to her and struck
up a conversation.Her first look was
one of hostility, followed by the famous female adversarial word of “huh”.No guy can confess to enjoyment of moments
like this, but I carried on with a little small talk.She just commented on the fact she couldn’t
concentrate on her training without listening to music on her IPod.Bear in mind I approached her roughly 40
minutes after her workout commencement.I did about 5 minutes work on the cross-trainer, with no conversation,
and consequently left the scene.I was
in a relationship with someone else at the time, but I’m always one to see
what’s on the horizon if things don’t work out.Being a social person too, I like the dynamics of various personalities
in life.In this case, the lasting
impression of her persona left much to be desired.

Now, I’m no
stranger to female rejection, denied attraction or ignorance after clear
indicators of interest have been put my way.
The hostile reaction, as in the case of this particular woman, is far
rarer than the friendly but “sorry, I’m seeing someone” response. In the case of the latter, this is to be
expected, and it took me years to understand the process. In simple terms, most women, for differing
reasons, are with men who aren’t exactly blessed with great male looks or
physique. Even those who are with better
than average looking male partners cannot control their eyes when a stronger
visual lure is in close proximity. So
once they see a man who is sexually above the man she goes to bed with, it’s a
natural human instinct to take a look.
This is no different to what men do all the time with women. Women do it less, because there are far less
men who stimulate them enough for their heads to be turned. But despite the liberal reputation women have
perhaps harshly been dealt in terms of their sexual behaviours in the modern
day – as only a tiny minority sleep around with concurrent men - the vast
majority of women in steady (if boring) relationships are still going to
decline a man they don’t personally know despite the intimate urges he may
bring. Their seeking of commitment,
alongside the perception of better looking men’s infidelity, can manifest in
forming decisions of sticking to the safer bets.

Women of
this nature – often hot girls (but many cute or slightly lower too) who look at
a man but then act with ignorance and unfriendliness one he interacts – are not
unusual. However, it is unfair to say
they are normal to the course of events.
I find most women who give me the glance do actually make some
conversation after I have approached them.
They will be fully aware the guy has acknowledged their interest and
intrigue. In the case of our blonde
friend who did go the other way, it’s easy to work them out. They simply have big egos but no real inner
confidence to back it up. She is typical
of a woman who is physically aroused by a good looking man, knowledgeable she
could secure him, but absent of the true confidence to know she attains the
value to lock him down and trust he will appreciate her and won’t betray
her. With this in mind, expect to see
women of this kind with the typical average looking man who is a couple of
grades below her in visual impressiveness.
He wears the sign of a man who can do no better. This is great for the short term, but not so
much for the longer term.

With this
woman, I’m pretty sure she was, and still is, single.During the last 9 months, she has regularly
ventured to the gym at times that steady relationship girls do not.I’ve been going there long enough to realize
this.Her body language also gives off
the vibe of a single girl, and one who has high standards for men to jump over
but a fragile pride that lives in trepidation to the thought of being
used.This is why I don’t think she is
necessarily someone who will go for the jerks of the world.It may have been the case in her teenage
years, but not now.My guess is her
assumption of me back then, and probably still now, is one of a sexual
player.This will go a long way to
explain how she primarily acted interested but secondarily chose to ignore me.I predict she may have had very short term
dealings with a couple of average nice guys over this period of time I’ve known
her who have acted like prince charming and bought her a few meals.This will at least make her feel better about
herself before she tells them “it’s not you, it’s me.”

However,
within this 9 month period of then and now, her eyes have frequently crept back
in my direction. At first I found this
strange, because no woman wants to inflate a man’s ego if there is nothing in
it for her. Was it simple instinctive
chemistry that unconsciously makes her do this?
Does she regret her actions? The
answer is maybe yes to both, but in this case there were subsidiary factors to
determine her interest over and above the physical attraction. Life throws reasons, and here are the reasons
her attraction has gone beyond the pleasantries of something good to look at:

Status

Not long
after the apparent shun would have brought lighter mornings. She would have noticed, in a quiet car park
of little more than a dozen cars at opening time, a car that would stand out
from the crowd. It wouldn’t take long
for her to put two and two together and realize this automobile belongs to
yours truly. Status, and how female
attraction onto men is altered by this non-visual desirability metric, comes in
the form of two dictators:

First, women
translate an expensive commodity as an indicator of power and proof of a person
doing well for themselves. Women have
uncontrollable predilections to locate men of higher status who can provide for
them financially, and an expensive car would be unproven notification that the
owner could do this.

Second,
women have needs to fulfill their own self-importance and validation to shove
in the faces of external parties. A
woman’s first thought of a nice car or house would be to how this could elevate
her value and how he would make her feel about herself in importance terms. Needless to say, a blonde in the passenger
seat of a head turning vehicle ticks all boxes.

Never let it
be misconstrued that men should strive for status to please a woman. Firm distinction should be made between men
who use status to their advantage, and men who feel the need to have status to
seek women’s approval and lock them down.
A clever man uses status to attract and secure a woman, but he then
ensures she is every bit as pleased to be with him as the inverse. He will not allow himself to be her bank
card. A naïve man will work his pants
off to secure a woman he knows (or believes) he couldn’t acquire through looks
and personality alone, so he bank rolls her requirements to maintain her
interest. No prizes for guessing which
man has the woman respecting him, and which man feeds her short term ego for a
longer lasting resentment.

Pre-selection

This woman
will have seen the occasional hot woman and various cute women glance at me
with admiring eyes. I’ve seen at least
half a dozen do this when she has been there, so I’d hedge my bets there may be
double this number that I haven’t seen but she has. And there’s always the ladies dressing room
chit chat to accompany this. Female
pre-selection is arguably the strongest pull in attracting another woman. It is one thing to be pleasing to the
onlooker’s eye, but this is only one opinion.
When other women share this sexual feeling, the target woman only
collates a stronger beating of the heart.

Apathy

Since my
first tingle of hard balls under my sweatpants some 9 months ago, this girl has
progressively lost too much weight for my liking. Gone are the curves, come are the skinny
legs. This isn’t my type. I’m not sure what her motivation could be to
this weight loss. Maybe it was to be the
skinniest girl on the beach in Ibiza, misconception that men like skinny women,
or the watching of one too many episodes of the 90210 actresses. In any case, any discrete inclination I once
held to take a crafty look fragmented.
Women, true to the illogical system of life, are more attracted to
disinterested, indifferent and apathetic men.
It’s funny how the boot can land on the other foot. Suddenly she would be asking the questions to
how a once interested guy could no longer give a toss.

Attitude
and Confidence

Women
observe and assess a man’s demeanour more than his physical look per se. In the routine workout sessions there is the
perennial type of lunkhead jerk gym guy who trains there. Allegedly on steroids, his muscular bulk is
complimented by various tattoos. Nevertheless,
although not many women’s cup of tea for relationship intention, these men do
project attention onto female eyes. I
would guess he will have formed a forbidden fantasy in many a woman’s daydream. To me, he is nothing more than a guy at the
gym. One particular day, we crossed
paths, and our good lady of the story would have been watching on. As I took my usual purpose to acknowledge him
(as I do everyone else) as I walked proud, chest out, maximized posture with a
mild smirk, the lunkhead jerk couldn’t even look me in the eye as he possessed
slouched shoulders and head arched down.
You can put a million tattoos and induced needles in a person, but
positive attitude and confidence comes within the soul. I don’t have one tattoo, and I most certainly
wouldn’t touch the juice if someone paid me, but in those few seconds the
higher value person wasn’t the one with the bad boy visual characteristics.

Protective
perception

On a not
dissimilar theme to the above, a woman’s perception of a man she doesn’t know,
or God forbid sometimes one she does know, will rule over any substantiation
available. Over the years I spend about
20 minutes on the punch bag. I’m never
going to be a professional, but my technique and punch power has been applauded
by other members. This woman will see
this, and the perceived view is one of a guy who could stand up for her if
needs must. Only drama orientated women
– hence usually dense women - of the highest magnitude desire a thug, but all
women need to know a man can protect them.

Let me
re-iterate that, like a sports car, boxing is something I do for myself. My health, welfare and own agenda will always
supersede any thought of female attraction.
If it conquers both, then good for me.

Man in a
hurry

My time is
valuable and sparse. I have to get in
and out the gym in as little time as possible.
This means short rest periods and quick sets. There’s no messing around with me, and it
illustrates a person who is in a hurry.
Women, strange to their way of thinking, like to fight for a man’s time. As much as they will tell a man, in order to
feed their egos, that they crave for his unlimited time and energy, the truth
is women are magnetized to men who walk past them as if they are invisible. This is why so many nice guys are left
confused when they have spent every last ounce of exertion on a woman, only for
her to depart in saying he didn’t do enough for her. What she is really saying is she resents him
for doing too much too soon, she took it for granted, and now she can use any
slight restriction in his efforts as an excuse to jettison from the bond. This is all when the jerk who gave her
nothing has her knocking on his door.

As for now,
I can’t deny that the balls in my pants are once again stiffening.She has regained her curves, and looking
hot.Even if she is more open to my
interaction in view of all the above, she will have to wait.My current girlfriend, whilst a ¼ to ½ grade
below this blonde in a physical attractiveness score, has an overall array of
more pleasing girlfriend material measurements.At least this is how I see it right now.Maybe the gym girl can prove me wrong one day.Just for the record, and despite how some
readers may misinterpret some of my words, I actually only believe in the
psychological aspect of cheating, and not the pragmatic side.That is, a man is always a better partner
with his wife, fiancé or girlfriend when he knows options are always his for
the taking.He is confident, through
proof or otherwise, that if his current partner misbehaves in extreme and
frequent ways, he can leave without a tear in his eye and move onto pastures
new.There will be plenty of high
quality and willing female takers.This
is the strict difference from adulterating in its literal deliverable.Whether people believe me or not, I condemn
infidelity.

If this time
does arrive – when I’m available to consider proposing my good self to the blonde
at the gym – I’m still not sure what the outcome will be. Nothing surprises me anymore. It could also well be the classic act of not
wanting to date me but equally not wanting anyone else to have me. Women may deny this, but I can guarantee it
happens much more than people acknowledge.
Damn, I hate it when I’m right. If
she reads this and works it out, she’ll probably reject through pride alone. I actually passed her the other day and she
blanked me. I also get the impression
that she is perhaps avoiding me, as I’ve noticed a later arrival from her of
late. Surely this couldn’t be an attempt
to diffuse her itching feelings, could it?
Maybe she’s had dreams about me.
If so, right back at you! Her
apparent concealed interest would have put me off some years ago, but women’s
emotions are all over the place when in the predicament of being attracted to a
guy in this sense. It doesn’t happen to
them very often, because only a small percentage of men grab a woman by the
sexual gut. Those that do are often
dense jerks who cannot offer them much past tomorrow. Men who can split the difference are as rare
rocking horse shit.

My hunch
tells me that she has what I term as “reluctant attraction”. A woman can quite easily disregard and vainly
deny her physical attraction towards a man due to the comprehension of knowing
her ego will be put out of joint in being with someone on eye catching parity. But when you place other desirables on the
table, she can be swung. It could still
be a case of trying desperately hard to find reasons not to be with me too. It’s one thing to be a hot woman, but a hot
woman knowing an equally hot man is desired by nearly all other women out
there, some who are even more attractive than her, is a person with
uncomforting feelings. Not that a woman
wants a man no other female looks for, but the balance is a fine one between
too little and too much admiration. Either
way, it will be no skin off my nose.
I’ve dated a couple of slightly hotter women and a few on par, and
similar to thoughts of many men out there, a woman who falls only fractionally
below this beauty threshold but with good personality and values is worth more
than one of enhanced glamour – at least for long term relationship
consideration.

To go back
to the beginning, this scenario is simply further information to guys who
believe male looks are the trump card to secure women.If they do believe this to be the case then they
need to sign in for a reality check very soon.Male good looks do help, no doubt, but male physical attractiveness of
high degree can become counter-productive with many women in an average small
city or town.I know there will be good
looking men reading this post, and if they are honest, they will have succumbed
to the same female process of early interest but ultimate rejection.

For lesser
looking men, the message is one of this:

Your not so
blessed looks are a mere irrelevance if you can offer other items women
desire. Some of them, as explained, are
firmly within your own grasp. I stand by
the view that an average looking man, with knowledge of how women’s emotional
brain works, has a better chance to be cut some slack and not be immediately
rejected when approaching most of our good lady friends in environments where
she doesn’t know the relevant man. A man
who doesn’t dent women’s egos due to his lesser comparative looks should take
advantage of this unspoken but transparent pronouncement. It’s no coincidence that 8 to 9 cute or hot
women out of every 10 you see are walking hand in hand with men who are on a
similar looks grade to you. The balance
only starts to significantly shift in a good looking man’s favour when the
woman knows him personally.

Women are
simple to work out when you’re a clued up and astute man who draws from past
experiences, mistakes and successes.
This is further developed when he looks outside of his own bubble too. However, idealistic men, or men who refuse to
believe the truth, are forever chasing their tail in the lack of knowledge to
why life with women occurs the way it does.

As the author points out, women are as impulsive as men to look at something that bit more edgy than what they have. You can blame us if you like but men do it more. What shall we do, just look at our husbands and no other man?

About Me

Tough and sensitive. Firm but kind. Happy to help, but not here to be used. Once naive, now astute. Versatile and ranged. Balanced yet peripheral. Stylish but not extravagant. Stands out at the same time as blending in.