“How do you tell someone it’s over? You send them a notarized letter, right? Well, what if the recipient is your notary?”

Or, what if the recipient doesn’t have a mailbox on campus? I shall explain. She, the recipient, said to me, “Aww, is this our first fight?” Yeah, I agree. What a horrendous thing to say to me. ‘Aww’ and ‘first fight’?!?! An expression of endearment followed by an indication that more disputes with her are to come my way?! I don’t think so. She, the recipient, works part-time at the school where I work. She found out where my office is a little over a month ago. And she continued to find my office on a daily basis, telling me that we have irrefutably bonded. Her word, not mine. Her statement is also untrue. Just absurdity all around. I finally dropped major hint bombs on her: “I have to work.” “I’m at work.” “I really should get back to work.” “I don’t eat meat. Stop offering me hot dogs.” (End-of-the-year hotdogs were being provided by the school.) “Haha. I get it, you’re trying to kick me out.” That’s what she said. “Haha.” Yup. You know. I have to end this.