Thursday, November 10, 2016

Recently I found out that I am 99.9% as white as I always
thought I was. I did 23 and Me, one of those things where you spit into a tube
and send it away to find out who you really are.

Spoiler Alert: You are who you have always been.

I was hoping to find out something I never knew, like maybe
I was part Sub-Saharan African or Broadly East Asian, thinking I would be able
to toss that into casual conversation. You
know, I'm 7% Yakut myself. A party trick, like tying a cherry stem with my
tongue.

But no, I am mostly British, Irish, French, German, a
smattering of Southern European, and disappointingly only >1% Native
American. I have tried for years, but still can't tie a cherry stem with my
tongue.

I am white.

How white am I? Well on Tuesday night I cried watching the
election results. Scared, sad, pissed off, shattered. I stayed up to watch
Donald Trump give his speech, sitting on my couch in my pjs as I used my Tria
Age-Defying Laser on my face. I just got it, the Tria, and it hurts like hell.
You're supposed to start at level 1 and build up to level 3 over a few weeks,
but as I sat there watching that racist, misogynistic, homophobic small-minded
man, I thought to myself this is what I
get. For not taking the possibility that he might actually win seriously
enough. For not seeing that so many people were that disenfranchised. For not changing
my Facebook profile to the Hillary logo. What can I say? I was in shock. So I
set my Tria to level 3 thinking that maybe a physical pain would make more
sense in a world that elected Donald Trump as our president. Over my forehead,
around my eyes, but holy mother of all that is no, it hurt! So I stopped. (I
would make a terrible cutter.) This weekend I am going to return the Tria
because I know I will never be able to build up to level 3.

Apparently I have more Neanderthal variants than 76% of
people, which may explain my mono brow. My haplogroup is U4c1, my family of
mitochondrial DNA tracing back to a single genetic mutation 25,000 years to
Europe, Asia and Northern Africa. I am 61% likely to smell the asparagus metabolite
in my pee.

52 comments:

This is how I felt exactly. I keep trying to convince myself it will all be okay, I tell my ten year old (who sobbed when she woke up to the news) that it will, that she is safe and things won't change. And then I think of how many things will, and how afraid so many others across our nation are. And I still feel crushed.

To anon 7:06 am : Shame on you for infecting a ten year old child with your agenda and "fears". You are no better than the mother in the video that's gone viral...throwing her young son out of the house for voting for Trump in a mock school election. Now that I think of it...damn those mock elections held in elementary schools. Have we all lost our minds ? Leave the innocent alone. Allow them peace while they can have it.

As a mother of a ten year old, I can tell you with absolute certainty that we cannot raise our children in a vacuum. They hear about the things that Trump says and does from their friends, at school, sometimes online or on tv or simply overheard from other adults. It's everywhere. I have had many conversations with my children about Trump, as a candidate and now as president-elect. In their eyes (and quite frankly mine), he is a bully. I applaud Anon at 7:06 for reassuring her child that she is safe. That is our job, always has been. In a world where our president-elect says he can grab women by the pussy, we have to tell our daughters that we will keep them safe.

I wish I could shield my kids from all of this. I am so afraid and shattered, disgusted, but it is my job as a parent to make sure my kids know that there is still good in the world, because there is.

So I suppose that your daughter would be safer under a President married to a man who actually did assault women (he reached legal settlements with more than one), and who went on to help demean and threaten those women ? Donald Trump said some bad stuff...the Clintons DID BAD STUFF.

I would also think my daughter to be safer without a president who had no respect for security procedures...who put her own need for secrecy above national security.

I am no fan of Donald Trump. I did not vote for him.

I also wish we would look more honestly at the candidate we put forth. The DNC let us down in every way. Our need to make history made us militantly support a deeply flawed candidate, and the repercussions will be long lasting. I'm a bit embarrassed by women still continuing to champion this woman, rather than turning their anger to the DNC, who did not have the voters welfare in mind. The country knew it....and the election of Donald Trump was the result.

Anon 7:06 here. Wow, really? Shame on me for having a daughter who is informed and empathetic? I don't think so. I'm going to leave these angry comments here to speak for themselves, though I very much appreciate your response Susannah. I'm going to get off the Internet for a while, maybe a long while and get to work making this country the one my daughter, and all of our children, deserve. To all of you, be well.

the $495 will now be much better spent - there seems to be a groundswell of people doing what you are (donations/increased community awareness) which is an unforseen upside to an otherwise frightening result.

I may be remiss in saying this, but fuck what you think of HRC. The key here for anyone who cares about HUMAN rights is that we're dealing with the fact that our country nominated a billionaire with no experience, continually-shifting ideals, and a bully mentality toward any group that might "threaten" him or his much-needed (predominately white--like I am) electorate. My six-year-old, who was in no way "indoctrinated" or heavily influenced at home, cried when she heard Trump was elected because she knew he was "mean" (which I fully believe), but is actually what she picked up at school. A vote for Trump was NOT a vote against HRC. It was a vote FOR a man who has threatened, maligned, assaulted, or marginalized nearly every AMERICAN group that isn't a white male. (And believe me, I don't have a problem with WMs in general: I have a fine white man as a husband, and he would rather eat a handful of thumbtacks than vote for Trump.) This is NOT a typical election. Ask anyone who voted for Trump/and/or hated Obama: Were YOU or anyone you know ACTUALLY fearful for your physical safety, basic rights, or the potential of being separated from your family under the tenure of Obama/ Busch/ Clinton etc.? (I know I'm missing some key issues here...) People aren't protesting/angry/tearful/MANIC because they're "whiny liberal Dems." but because they're HEARTBROKEN. It SEEMS we've lost something amazing that our country was pushing for, standing for. But I guess what it means is that we didn't truly have it. So we have to fight NOW and for the next FOUR GD YEARS to make sure we and ALL PEOPLE get what we so desperately wanted to believe we were actually getting so much closer to achieving. There's such a fight left before us...

Yes, many have feared for their lives during the Obama years living in the south side of Chicago (where I used to live), and in SE and NE Washington DC, (where I live now.)Obama started this stuff with the police....and now things are so bad that shootings and crime make us fear ever day So you're white, your husband is white,gotta white kid. No thanks for your sanctimonious preaching about somthing you know nothing about.What is it you think YOU'VE LOST that you'rehollering about. Get real.

Aside from Trump, what makes me upset the most is that a) only 50 % of eligible Americans voted - did not see any necessity to contribute to the (now) demise of this country. I am also shocked that of those 50 % who voted we have these underlying racist, misogynist, homophobic society we had no idea existed. Sure, the KKK is alive and we see incidences of racial hate crimes, but 25% of the country? I happen to be a white European woman and I became a citizen so I can vote! That's how important it is for me to contribute to the country with my vote. People don't realize what a privilege it is to be able to vote, especially women who fought (Suffragettes) with their lives in order to gain the right to vote. Yes, I am deeply ashamed as well that we're stuck with this unbelievable, narcissistic man whose nonsense changes with the tide, but I am even more ashamed of the utter ignorance that represents 50 % of this country. The one thing we learned from this is that we have to put more effort and financial resources into education in order to prevent a repeat of this outrageous election.

I want to take a moment to thank all commenters, but particularly those who comment with a user name, and not just as anonymous. I realize there are different reasons people comment as anonymous--sometimes it's just that they don't want to create an account. But it takes more thought to comment using a real name or even a user name.

Petunia Face,Obama started this when Professor Gates was questioned on hisown porch,some older neighbor lady of his own called the cops cauase she was probably worried. Obama basically called the cops stupid, and that set off what I would say was an explosion of defiance that caused new arrests and brutality as the cops are not gonna stand for being beaten up by mobs and havven their guns taken from them. So ever encounter becomes a place for fear on both sides as well as deadly. Young people use this chance to act out.gang activity is up every where.I'm sure you read the paper ?Chicago, St.Louis,Philly Baltimore, Dallas,and in DC all over. And our communities burn and loot thire own community businesses. Sometimes never recover. Started then and there with Obama. Things not perfect before then, but much worse for us now. Plain old every day peoplenlike me rely on police in our neighborhoods to just feel safe going to the store and geeting the kids to school.

Speaking of kids, BLACK LIVES MATTER is no where to be found when a child was killed sleeping in their own bed. gang street fire coming through the wall. Child killed in my old Chicago home neighborhhood by shooting crossing street to get into school building. Now, last summer baby killed sitting on garndpa's lap on porch in DC. Where was Jesse Jackson? Rev Sharpton? I guess only black lives that matter are the gang bangers . No help to us regular peopl at all.

Always interesting to hear about whites standing up for the gangbangers against the police from the comfort of their living rooms in their mainly white well patrolled neiborhoods. So easy, got no idea what we face everyday. I'm telling u <much worse since Obama started this direspect of law and order. Affects ALL OF US ! Im soory for my bad typing and spelling but I am upset and I get that way when I see how our communities are getting worse and I think about black chldren that are given less attention for thier safety and more care and attention to those out doing crimes and damage. My view.

Oh forgot to add that it's a law and order thing. Black cops in just as much danger ob being killed. People act disrepectful to all authority even when they are in the wrong, pull weapons they carry and expect nothing to happen? Black cops have to fear their own brothers too.

@ Anon 4:31When this incident happened back in 2009, Obama had called the officers "acting stupidly" and as such it was.Professor Gates could identify himself as the owner of said house he was trying to enter when the door jammed.They (police) had absolutely no reason to arrest him. To insinuate that Obama's statement has set off a snowballeffect is not true. We obviously have a racial problem in this country, but just looking at Standing Rock at themoment, this is a problem we all need to address and violence is never the answer. We have a lot of healing to doand the sooner we start the better we're off. Regardless of what Trump preaches, we are the people and we arethe ones who matter. We all can make a difference in our immediate surrounding - extend a helping hand and itwill be taken! Gosh, I don't mean to sound like a preacher (I am an atheist for that matter), but you get the drift.

Again, white woman in white neighborhood, in white privilege world, telling us how we should view Obama's remarks, and what we need to do, and how we should feel. You really don't get it. You, and others like you have no idea what our lives and our day to day experiences are like. We sometimes (!!?) get really tired of white paternalism pretending to be concern. Don't want your advice.

When I was a young girl, my favorite thing was my shoe skates (roller) and my blue Flyer(bike). The worst thing in my life was the introduction of Algebra. Oh ! and Girl Scouts....loved it all. When I was in the 4th grade, President Kennedy was assassinated, followed by his brother Robert Kennedy. My parents talked to me about it....and we talked at school....but my parents and my teachers made sure that we absorbed this information without hysteria. We felt our world would still hold together......and of course, it did.To hear about very young children "sobbing", terrified, etc. This truly is projecting adult hysteria on youngsters. We once protected our children UNTIL THEY WERE OLD ENOUGH TO FORM THEIR OWN OPINIONS. Now, we force our opinions on them and make sure they tow the line. Wait a few years until they oppose you just for the sake of opposition.! Fun! And it will happen, it's normal, natural, and healthy. What's not healthy is telling our children their very lives, and futures, are in PERIL because of an election.

e gray, could you please expand upon your statement that we have lost something wonderful that we as a nation were on the verge of achieving FOR ALL PEOPLE....pushing for and so close to getting ? You are very upset, and I would like to understand. In addition, could you share your personal involvement and work in these issues? You sound very passionate, and I would like to read a logical and well thought- out plan of action. Mostly what I'm finding on social media are buzz words and phrases repeated over and over. Thank you.

Black, white, whatever--we all have a right to feel upset, scared, outraged, placated, helpless and full of wanting to make our world better. As an admittedly privileged white woman, that's really all the point of view I can offer, and I hope that my intentions are not offensive. Without knowing the other people commenting--even the ones brave enough to use a user name and not just anon--I can say that I don't think kindness can ever be misguided, and for the most part, I believe we are all speaking out of wanting our world to be a safer, kinder place.

Anon @ 8:37: Nobody is projecting adult hysteria on "youngsters." For better or for worse, the world is a much different place than it was when JFK was shot. The media bombards us all from all angles, and if kids are scared, it's because shit is scary right now. They don't just hear about it from their parents, and I know I, for one, would never tell my kids that their lives are in peril. Not only is that a terrible thing to do, but I also don't believe it to be true.

All of this lashing out back and forth is not helping matters at all.

I welcome discussion and dissenting opinion if it is respectful and kind.

Dear Petunia Face, I think people commenting here have been pretty respectful, with e.gray and Geri being the exceptions with their foul language and aggression. I noticed your special hugs for them, but mild ridicule for those who wish to comment as anon. I especially was interested in the comments of the person from Chicago, whom I understand to be African-American ? It was interesting to read Geri attempt to lecture him/her. I would understand why someone might want to comment as anon, because who feels good being cursed by name by the likes of your special friends?Finally, I notice you interject very defensively when parenting plays into the conversation. No one has a lock on absolute knowledge of the right thing to do, but I understand the impulse to protect, and the freedom from fear that children deserve. Knowledge of the issues perhaps could be tempered with a child's ability to cope with, and process stress ? I think it somewhat cruel to induce fear and dread a child who then has no way to act to alleviate that fear, as adults do, say by voting......or cursing people out on social media.

On all sorts of blogs and in op-ed pieces I have read reference after reference of children "crying themselves to sleep, collapsing into sobs,", etc, blah, blah blah, so I think I know how some people might be concerned. I have no kids yet, but I wonder how I will handle these things in the future if and when I do. I do feel a bit sorry for them.

@Anon 10:18 PM - are you referring to me with "Geri"? I have re-read my post and can't really see any foul language or aggression, nor am I here to lecture anyone,I apologize if this is the notion you're getting out of me voicing my concerns, it certainly wasn't intended.I also don't care if people write anonymous, it just get's a bit confusing in trying to figure out who's who.Nonetheless, yes, I don't know how it is to live in a black neighborhood or being black for that matter, howcan I ? Just the same as you don't know how my life is. The color of your skin doesn't concern me, we allwrite here colorless and hope to understand each other. There is no affront from my side and there shouldn't be a defense on yours. The operative word is understanding !

I think anon 10:18 probably is just referring to e.gray, whose comment , I too, found to be less than nobly expressed. We need to find more elevated ways of expressing our ideas and frustrations if we are to win hearts and minds.

Today, the Washington Post ran an article about You Tube tutorials that have appeared from the Middle East instructing women how to use make-up to hide evidence of the beatings they receive, usually from husbands but also possibly fathers, brothers and even SONS, so that they might not bring further shame to themselves and discredit their families.Part of married life is to expect to be beaten. Custom,just to remind even the most obedient wife, her place and duty.When I am confronted with this information, I cannot help but ask where the out cry is from women here in the US, and especially democrat women , who are usually known as champions of women's rights and protections.

In the past, I have written comments here and there about Sharia law and it's brutalities against women, children, and people who are gay or merely suspected of being gay. Always met with silence. Not exaggerating...TOTAL SILENCE. Can SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME?

Losing heart and so worried for our daughters and granddaughters, and some of my dearest gay friends.

I cannot understand the total acceptance and welcome of Islam and it's accompanying Sharia Law on our college campuses, the citadels of HUMAN RIGHTS.

Ohio State .Is there ever a reason good enough, compelling enough, to justify running people down with a car and then attempting to slit their throats ? Want a prayer room ? Petition for one ! Want more awareness of something or other ? Start a campus movement. Afraid people would mock you for public prayer? Welcome to the world of being a Christian in 2016.Just terrorism and hate, plain and simple. College campus this time. High school campus next time ? Elementary school? Wake up America.

I think some of the issues people have brought up are quite interesting. People have a lot on their minds, and I guess no one really wanted to talk about your DNA. Sorry!I also saw the Washington Post article about the make up videos on a feed I follow. Very upsetting in principle. I am curious about how you might feel about this issue, as I have enjoyed your posts about different social issues . The Ohio State terrorism incident hits close to home. I spent one of my college years there. Makes it seem all the more unreal to me.

Lori, I didn't expect people to talk about my DNA. And I agree that some comments are interesting. But some are unkind, and I'm tired of unkind.

If you want my opinion on Ohio State--it has little to do with prayer rooms and nothing at all to do with terrorism and everything to do with mental health, yet another incredibly tragic piece that our society can't seem to properly address or fix.

Oh, and to address the Washington Pist article and that comment--I haven't read that article. And of course I am appalled and disgusted by any systemic domestic abuse. However, I don't think it's helpful to slander all of the Islamic religion, just as I don't think it's helpful to slander all of Christianity for what it says about how to treat women. Or gay people.

I am not religious and don't pretend to know much about any religion, but I know enough not to judge an entire religion by its radical extremists, regardless of what type. And I will stand up for Muslims as I would for Christians, for women, for gay people, straight people whatever.

Petunia face, that was a total cop-out. How can you call addressing the videos of the beaten faces of Islamic women an issue of slander. Slander is lying about something that is untrue.The videos are produced for Islamic women by Islamic women to help conceal their bruises. No lying there. We have also seen the ISIS produced films of young men being thrown from high-rise roof tops. ISIS wants you to see these videos. Again, no lie there. This is difficult stuff, and it is easier to say one will stand up for differentpeople (whatever...as you put it) but react with hostility when asked to actually consider documented ( not slanderous) information the world is forced to reckon with.You have seemed like a thoughtful writer in the past. I guess some people might have been looking for something meaningful here.

Perhaps slander is the wrong word, but I stand by my intention. I think it is bigoted to call out all Muslims for abuse, just as you cannot call out all Christians for hating gay people. Absolutely there are many women abused in Muslim countries, and Isis certainly propagates abuse to women and many other people. That is disgusting. But there are many good Muslim people. All Muslims are not wife-beaters.

I did not react with hostility in my comment.

I do, however, react with hostility to racist comments painting all of Islam as evil. That is not a cop out, but human rights.

If you're looking for something meaningful here that slams an entire religion, yes, this is not the place for you.

American women are only concerned with rights and freedoms that effect them directly.

American women want equal pay and abortion rights, but acid attacks, marital rape and beatings, genital mutilation elicit shrugged shoulders and a claim of not wanting to attack a religion.

American women will attack Christianity, freely and often, equating antiquated beliefs or predjudices with acts of DEATH and great destruction by other religions.

I am a woman. I am from Lebanon. I am a Christian. I have seen things the average American woman has not. I had my "pussy" grabbed in Berlin on New Years Eve celebration. I think I was lucky to have that be the worst.

My exchange school is USC. Iwas so sad and ashamed when that couple shot people in California. I could not stand to see that womens face on TV in her religious clothing, but American women said oh well too bad glad I wasn't there.

Thats the way it is. Are all Muslims bad? I don't think so, but they do want to convert the world. They have told you so. Do you care? Many women hide behind their lack of any religious faith, but did you know that Islam decrees that Christians are to be merely enslaved and taxed, but people of no faith at all are from Satan and should be killed immediately ? Have you studied the Holy Texts of Islam ?

Been trying to understand the catastrophic language of people feeling helpless and hopeless after the election. As far as I can tell, the sun came up per usual, and that alone means there is hope available for those who seek it. Today, I am grateful for major corporations reversing decisions to move their operations overseas. Have you heard the new plans to revamp the affordable care act that will hold on to the best parts and improve the areas that aren't working? Formerly hostile leaders are calling and visiting our President-elect,hats in hands, after blowing off our former president for 8 years. Our laws regarding immigration, that are already laws passed by our congress and senate may be enforced again. I could go on.

My point is, I think there is much to feel optimistic about. I hope will will soon return to instilling optimism in our children. and allow them to feel that every day is a new day, and hope is alive and well.

Petunia face, the lady from the middle east. Maybe she has seen some stuff. Sounds like she has actually experieced some stuff too. How can you dismiss her like that. I don't think she's lyin about it because we've allread about it? How can you say she is off base about her own part of the world ? I admit I have not studied this as much as I should to make an intelligent argument, but I know better than to tell off someone who seems to have lived the life, so to speak. What happened to dialogue? Things are hard to hear, but I want to learn all sides. Don't you? If not, why not?

Anon @2:52: I, too, believe there is hope, because I see so many people taking action against racism, sexism, bigotry and homophobia. Because of that, I am instilling optimism in my kids (and they are definitely instilling optimism in me).

Anon@4:04: Re: the woman from Lebanon. Honestly I don't care what she has seen or where she is from--if I feel that someone is being bigoted, then I do not care to engage in a dialogue. It's can be hard to see bigotry when it is not flat out. True, she did not say Muslims are evil. But she said she cannot understand the welcome of Islam on our college campuses. I can. It's called freedom of religion. She brought up the Washington Post article, which I have since read. It's about a tv show in Morocco--yes, a predominantly Muslim country that embraces Sharia law. The tv show and the article never said anything about Islamic men beating their women. However, since it is a Muslim country, I suppose one could make that assertion. However, the US does not embrace Sharia law. Many countries where there are Muslims do not. They do not all prescribe to the strict, radical tenets of the Quran. In fact, most do not. Just as not all Christians prescribe to the radical tenets of Christianity that are vehemently against women, gay people, etc.

I want to state this again: I WILL ALWAYS STAND UP FOR ALL RELIGIONS, ALL RACES, ALL GENDERS. That includes Muslims. That includes Christians from Lebanon, as that woman was. But I will not stand up for bigots.

Side note: I spent 6 weeks in Israel, where I saw first hand the extreme racism that exists in the Middle East between the Muslims, Jewish people and Christians. I don't pretend to understand it, not do I think I ever will. But I will say that most of my nurses there were Arab Muslim men, and they couldn't have been gentler or kinder. Do they beat their women when they get home? I have no idea. Just as I have no idea if people here in America beat their family behind closed doors.

I refuse to demonize Islam, or normalize small, insidious bigotry against the Muslim religion.

Petunia face, I was stunned to read that you are 89% ashamed of who you are.Perhaps you were trying to be clever. I hope so. I thought about your children, and the implications of growing up in a home with this philosophy. How does your husband feel about this? Are you the most ashamed of who he is: a white American male? I hope you have mercy on your little boy.If you say you were exaggerating, I'll feel much better...and I'll say I was exaggerating too.

Anon@ 3:49: I was not exaggerating. At times like this, watching so many white people of privilege celebrate the presidency of a man who is openly racist against people of different ethnicities, gay people, people with handicaps, and women--yes, I feel ashamed. I don't, for one second, want to be included in that demographic.

Plenty of people of all races are celebrating tonight in the midwest because they are keeping their jobs. I see plenty of people of color in the crowds tonight on news coverage. I appreciate the need all people have to feed their families, no matter where they come from. I'd like to point out that many, many AMERICAN workers are people, from all over the world, who rather than being divided by racial politics, are united tonight by economic policies that allow people to move forward and make better lives for themselves. People are pulling together and moving ahead. I find it exciting and moving. We have to start somewhere...and food on the table and bills paid is a great start . God Bless this country!

I agree with anon 5:06. Many people have had no hope at all the last few years.

If you keep bringing up the President-elect's shortcomings, than you will forever have to listen to the shortcomings of your candidate as well. No one can benefit, at this point in rehashing over and over again.

Oh, and I see that you are determined to remain ashamed of yourself and your family. But I see you have changed your narrative there. You didn't say you were ashamed of any association of people who are happy about the election results....you said you were ashamed of being white. Altogether. Really? Or is this a newer more elevated drama ? So sad for your family, your own little boy and girl.

No anon@5:25, I didn't say I was ashamed of "being white altogether." You're the one changing my narrative. Don't feel sad for my family. Feel sad that people like you leave mean comment on blogs because it makes them feel...what? Bigger? Heard? Legitimized? That is sad. YOU are sad.

I am so tired of you coming here to leave mean comments. The president-elect is a small-minded bully. Looks like the rest of you small-minded bullies feel as if you can come out of the woodwork now (even as a cowardly anonymous). You might not realize that I can see where my traffic comes from, your IP address and exact location, and I can see that you keep coming back to troll with your comments.

How's this: I will be very clear for you. I am looking you in the symbolic eye and saying FUCK OFF. I will not be bullied. Buh bye.

"First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me."

I am a white woman also and had the same experience as you, crying, bawling actually It's surprise that I've heard so many stories that are similar. But I was crying partly because I've had an experience that has to do with sexism in which I lost an internship. I know that as a white woman I may not be affected as much or in the beginning, but if we don't speak up about the things we see, we will be effected. Everyone will. We are all human after all.

Hi, I'm Susannah and I love shiny things, swimming, the smell of fresh cut grass, orange blossoms and horse shit. The feel of my children's eyelashes on my cheek is a live virus that grows in me, multiplies and sustains. I will never understand Amish Friendship Bread.

I write for love but money works, too. Email me for more info, or just to say hello.
susannah.ink@gmail.com