An in-depth look at one of the worst video game reviewers on the Internet.

Friday, February 21, 2014

A Spooky Sugary Self-Indulgent Hallow- er February.

Hard to believe it’s been 11 months since the last I Rate the ‘80s. The hell has he been doing? Oh right, ghosts and Skylanders…
Anywho, this episode will be covering the General Mills Monster cereals (Count Chocula, Franken-Berry, Boo-Berry, and the return of Fruit Brute and Fruity Yummy Mummy)
But wait, didn’t he already cover Yummy Mummy years ago? Yes, but that was when it was discontinued, now it’s not, meaning it’s now perfectly acceptable for Bores to recycle old material (no it’s not).

Also, why is he posting this in February?! Wouldn’t this make more sense as a Halloween special? Of course, when has Bores ever been logical?

Despite the video being posted on February 21st, it was actually shortly online on February 20th but was quickly taken down. According to RndmAZN, who managed to watch the video before it was taken down, Bores kept referring to the company that made the cereals as Post, not General Mills (Post is responsible for Fruity and Cocoa Pebbles and Honeycomb, among a few others). That’s a really big fuck up to make that you can’t even get the company right.
But now, it’s back online, and hoo boy this looks like it will hurt. It’s a long episode too at 7:23.

Let’s go.

Intro: Surprisingly, this isn’t another “I Rate the ‘70s” considering that’s when four of the five cereals were introduced.

0:05 - 1:01: “It’s also been requested by you the fans” Ha! That’s adorable, still thinking you have fans.
Here goes the history… at least he refers to them as General Mills now. Also, weird stock footage of people in a business meeting.
He starts with Count Chocula, brings up how it’s full of chocolate, and that it’s so good you’ll say … then suddenly Sonny, the mascot of Cocoa Puffs, shows up and yells “Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs”. Um… why? Then Bores punches him because he falls back on violence when he has no real punchline. This is going to be a loooong video.

1:02 - 1:17: He moves onto Franken-Berry, and like many ignorant people claims it’s based on the monster “Frankenstein”. Once again, Frankenstein was the creator, not the monster. It’s a common misconception held by all truly stupid people. I would have accepted “this cereal is based on Frankenstein’s Monster”.
IG says the flavor comes from “Frankens” … what? “Or strawberries, I always get the two confused” Oh, it was a horrible joke. What?
Then Strawberry Shortcake shows up and is angry at him. Seriously? If this is going to be the running joke, it’s going to be a looooong video.

1:18 - 1:57: IG brings up the first commercial with the two, and how it’s about the mascots trying to one-up each other. For some reason he calls it “wacky” (you have a really weird definition of that word). Then it cuts to him eating both cereals when poorly animated versions of Count Chocula and Franken-Berry arrive and start arguing. As you can guess, Bores can’t pull off either Bela Lugosi or Boris Karloff, especially not Karloff.
Oh, and he stops the argument by saying he’s “trying to educate the viewers”. Educate… that’s a fucking riot. Bores, the only thing you can educate is how not to make a terrible YouTube series.

1:58 - 2:21: The cereals were popular, and he brings up a study by the University of Maryland that wonders why Franken-Berry turned kid’s stool pink. Then it cuts to Cousin Joey, oh wait this is 80s so Kid Bores, looking into the toilet and going “eww” over the pink poop. Then he… touches it… then licks it and says it “tastes like berries”. Why would you do that?! Again, please tell me how he doesn’t resort to toilet humor! Anyone that claims this is lying or in complete denial!

2:21 - 2:49: IG then moves on to the third Monster cereal. Then for no reason, Ronnie shows up and asks if it’s a skeleton cereal. Why? What’s the point?
Then Boo-Berry shows up bringing the box, and pushes Ronnie. And yes, Bores can’t pull off Peter Lorre either.
He mentions it’s blueberry flavored and the marshmallows are blue. Then a bunch of animated Boo-Berry ghosts rise from the cere- IS THAT WISE SAGE?! Holy crap, his first appearance in over two years! And it’s a stupid cameo involving Boo-Berry. Nice to see you treat the best character on the show with so much respect Chris. Though, considering Chris made this at the same time as the story finale, maybe Wise Sage will be showing up there? I can’t imagine he’d redeem it though…

2:50 - 3:30: He brings up the commercials now adding Boo-Berry to the argument, and how he would scare the other two away.
Then it cuts to IG when… *sighs* the god damn Scooby Doo gang. Why?!
Fred claims he heard they have a ghost problem. I’m sure Chris wishes that was true, then “Pursuit of the Paranormal” would have been successful. IG shoos them away, when one of those knock-off Scooby Doo gangs show up. I don’t know which one, there were so many. Then the Harlem Globetrotters, causing IG to face palm. Then Dynomutt shows up for literally no reason, complete with laugh track. My God, this is the most Family Guy-esque episode he’s ever done. So many pointless fucking cameos! No wonder this shit is over seven minutes, it’s packed with filler!

3:31 - 4:37: The cereals continued to be successful, leading to GM to release another one year later. Actually, Fruit Brute was released in 1975, not 1974. Then again, he thought Post made the cereals before fixing that so clearly he doesn’t care.
Ronnie shows up again asking about skeleton cereal (ugggggh), then Fruit Brute shows up to bring the box. I’d comment on the voice, but I have no idea who Fruit Brute is supposed to be imitating.
He mispronounces Werewolf (Werewoof) and shows the commercials. He notes that Fruit Brute wasn’t popular enough to appear in more of them, and brings up that “10 years later” (actually 9) it was discontinued. Chris showcases this by making Fruit Brute explode. That’s not the same thing as disappearing…
Boo-Berry retorts “Now that’s what I call a disappearing act”. HE EXPLODED! Chris, do you even read your own script?
Then Chocula and Franken-Berry show up again and they all start arguing again. Am I on a mobius strip?

4:38 - 4:53: In the 80s, he brings up that the commercials dropped the “cartoon cel-shaded look”. That’s not what cel-shading is. Cel-shading is giving 3D models a “cartoon-ish” look, like Dragon Quest VIII or Wind Waker. This is obviously hand-drawn 2D animation.
He then brings up that the marshmallows were renamed “Monster-Mallows” and… a pointless appearance from the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man. I think this is the most self-indulgent video Chris has ever done.

4:54 - 5:31: And now, the introduction of Fruity Yummy Mummy. And no, he still doesn’t say the “Fruity” part of the name.
He shows the commercial, and that for the “next 5 years” they would have four cereals, and that the cereal was discontinued in 1993. Do your math Chris, that’s 6 years. Introduced in 87, discontinued in 93.
Oh and Fruity Yummy Mummy explodes instead of disappears. I get the feeling he was going to make them disappear but felt that wasn’t “cool enough” so he made them explode.

5:31 - 6:00: IG brings up that GM tried gimmicks through the 90s until sales tapered off to the point that they would only be released seasonally. He also does a gag involving the “bright marshmallows”.
Then he arrives to 2013 and GM bringing back Fruit Brute and Fruity Yummy Mummy, along with the other three. “Vewy coo’” Wow, it’s been a while since he said that.

And now, onto the rating.
He loved Count Chocula, he liked Franken-Berry and Boo-Berry, he never had Fruit Brute but brings up that Quentin Tarantino put the box in some of his movies, and then he gets to Fruity Yummy Mummy and starts gushing. Going on how he “remembers it in da 80s”, how the first episode of I Rate the 80s was on FYM, and how he got a ton of e-mails about it coming back. All 6 of them.
He claims that Fruity Yummy Mummy “tastes like the 80s” … what? And says that the kids watching won’t really understand what that means. I don’t think anyone but you understands what that means. Are you claiming it tastes the same? Because it doesn’t. Original FYM was fruit flavored with vanilla marshmallows (and apparently it tasted like shit from various testimonials), the new FYM is orange-cream cereal with marshmallows, and it sounds like it’s “not too bad” from people that tried it. So either you were one of the few to actually like the cereal back then, or you have no idea what you’re talking about.

The final rating is of course “Nostalgia Overload”. Shocking.

As he’s about to sign out, all five of the mascots show up and yell to try out their cereal. Then … *sighs* Ronnie shows up again and shows that he has his own cereal. “Skele-rons”. The mascots vanish (no really, next shot of Chris shows they're gone) as IG tries it (looks like generic cereal pieces and marshmallows). He says it tastes weird and asks what it’s made of. Ronnie claims it’s from his own rib cage. … Don’t you need that to live? Wait, what am I saying? Why am I bringing logic into this?
Then IG throws up and Ronnie appears in front of a bunch of spider webs to say it’s part of a balanced breakfast. Oh my god it’s finally over!

Holy crap, that was retarded!
I think this was the most self-indulgent episode Chris has ever done. So many pointless cameos, so much padding and filler, so many unfunny horrible jokes! He even gets things like years wrong. This episode wasn’t made for the fans, this was made for him and him alone.
This had to the most “Family Guy” episode he’s ever done too. I just… this was a massive train wreck. Educational my ass.
Of course, Chris goes on about how long the animation took. What animation? Outside of a couple characters, the only thing they did was move their lips.
The only good thing was Wise Sage reappearing after all this time, and even that was sad as it was barely a cameo. Poor Eric…

And yet, I get the feeling the IG story arc finale is going to be worse. Just a gut feeling really.
I’ll see you all next time.

78 comments:

I'm quite shocked to see Eric Allen back, doesn't Chris believe that "only having him is part of the charm"?

Something tells me that Chris may not shovel all this stuff together for the money (ala PewDiePie), he may actually feel that what he is making and how he is making it is genuine effort in his eyes though in eyes of people with competence, about as great as a Jewish viewer's (like myself) reaction to Ronnie the Skeleton.

"That’s not what cel-shading is. Cel-shading is giving 3D models a “cartoon-ish” look, like Dragon Quest VIII or Wind Waker. This is obviously hand-drawn 2D animation."

I actually have to correct you on this. While the way Bores says it isn't really how anyone would refer to it, he is technically correct. The 3D animation idea of "cel-shading" is named after the way classic 2-d animation was painted on animation cels (cellophane, clear plastic used for character animation and backgrounds). Referring to classic hand-drawn/painted 2-d animation, Bores isn't wrong (especially when contrasting it with the pencil sketch look).

Granted, as I said, no one would have referred to it as "cel-shading", but that is technically right when it is indeed animation colored on cels.

Oh my word. This is absolutely terrible. I get the feeling this is a taste of the finale, and I don't like it. I'm personally surprised Wise Sage is back. As in Eric Allen, not Chris wearing his robe. Now I have something that is quite possibly worse than dealing with an even more finicky wi-fi connection at school. And now I shall make good on my use of a much better portrayal of Bela Lugosi. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7Dw60SVXQ4 Now, back to Pokémon XY The Series, Kill la Kill and One Piece before reading.

I just realized the way he talks in his videos is a rip off of the show Phantom Gourmet...I think its only shown in the New England area but the way he presents things is directly the same as they way they do.

Unless he has WSBK from Boston on his cable box somehow... or caught an episode online via YouTube.

Just saw his episode. Good lord, was it awful, especially on the voice acting. He can't do Larry Kenney's Sonny the Cuckoo voice justice, nor can he do imitations of Bela Lugosi, Boris Karloff, and Peter Lorre. And he certainly can't do any imitation of a Frank Welker character, be it Fred Jones or Megatron.

Oh, yeah, and Strawberry Shortcake doesn't even sound like Russi Taylor from the 80s specials. Or Sarah Heinke from the 2003 DIC series. Or even Anna Cummer from the 2010 MoonScoop series (which has quite a few MLP voice actors)! At least whoever voiced her tried somewhat...

Yeah, editing seems to be the natural talent he has. I think if he worked with a team of people with differing and complimenting skill sets, Chris could improve in other areas and as a person. Unfortunately he has isolated himself and therefore, there are no filters between his ideas and final product.

Maybe he should have done a bran cereal just to get this crap over with. All joking aside why in the world would anyone touch and lick what just came out of their backside. I know kids can be stupid but that is beyond stupid. Also, the bit about tasting like berries should not exist, period.

Well the problem with that diagnosis is that autism is a developmental disorder which means we would have to check Chris Bores as a kid in order to know if he's really autistic or just another person with a cognitive bias that makes them behave like a child. Unfortunately, there doesn't appear to be a mental disability or class of disorders that makes adults act like children and be jackasses to everyone. The closest I can find is anti-social personality disorder which makes sense considering how Chris Bores treats his friends and how he makes all his friends troll for him.

In addition there are several other problems with a diagnosis of autism:1. Autism implies that Chris Bores lacks social skills. This implies that Chris Bores does not intend to be insulting or otherwise a jackass to other people. We cannot assume this since Chris Bores goes to highly social events and his ability to write dozens of comments on puppet accounts like Ladybuggin777 show that he is not attempting to be nice and there's no failure in what Bore's is trying to communicate. 2. Chris bores does not follow schedules or daily routines. If he did the next video would be out already... but then again he wouldn't making videos if he was truly autistic because that would mean deviations from daily routine.3. Chris Bores shows no signs of aversion to above average levels of stimuli (bright lights, loud noises etc)4. While Chris Bores may be very interested in being an internet celebrity that would mean he would also try to LEARN how to be one and since he doesn't and does things like hunt ghosts that NO ONE would care about its clear his interests are all over the place and that gives no serious attention to any of them. An autistic person would devote a lot of attention to the few interests they care about.5. Anxiety, self injuring behavior and hyperactivity... yeah Chris Bores doesn't demonstrate that either. Someone with autism tends to have at least one of the three.

In short, Chris Bores may be autistic and apply for PDD-NOS (the unspecific version of autism) but there's hell lot of things that Chris Bore's just doesn't do that makes him ineligible for mainstream autism diagnosis. Though to be fair, autistic people tend to be fairly successful if they are helped to overcome their problems... so maybe this is a bad thing for Chris Bores.

When I saw Eric Allen, I was like HOLY CRAP! He's still alive! It's really good to see him again.

But the video itself...is stupid. I agree with the animation. Animation my ass. It's just moving their lips. What about eyes blinking? Moving of limbs? Or hip, shoulder and chest movements? There is zero effort in the animation at all!

One thing I will say though this is the least boring, more retarded video Bores has made in a long time.

I considered trying it, but ultimately decided against the relaunch (I was looking for last minute Halloween costumes at the time. Target was out of General Zod costumes in my size, so I managed to cobble together a low-budget Iron Patriot out of an Iron Patriot mask and a Captain America shirt). I never had any of the first version I either, but I gathered it was so bad that I don't think even my dogs would like it; which is a real indicator that a food is doomed.

Nice that they are coming back, but I never liked The Game Heroes. The videos they made felt like "meh" to me, and no one was likable on that site, except 8-bit mickey he's awesome. I hope with there comeback that the Game Heroes up there games as there is more competition now then there was when they retired.

To be fair, Tom thinks of his site as a hobby since his actual job involves running two restaurants to support his family.

Also, it's weird seeing 8-Bit Mickey clean-shaven.

ScrewAttack is only alive for two reasons: Angry Video Game Nerd and Keith Apicary. Since both are on GameTrailers now, there’s not much reason to go to ScrewAttack anymore, especially since it changed and lost all its personality to try and be like every other big-time video-game website, as Craig’s ideas of a great video are either an eating contest or hitting people in the balls.

I still think Tom is, was, and will always be the funnier of the two original ScrewAttack figureheads, as he was just more laid-back and soft-spoken. Craig is just a tight-ass who tries too hard to be funny because he’s strictly business and a complete poser! Together, they balanced each other out quite well back in 2006 and 2007.

1. In the Contra video, a lot of people considered him to be a better actor than Bores. Specifically the part when they were both holding the NES controller (Wise Save was natural; Bores was just mashing buttons).

2. It's not Bores. He's one of the few people not played by Chris Bores. It's actually refreshing.

If anyone reading this blog is an aspiring writer, here are Chris' most egregious sins of sentence construction. (Not ever, but the worst violations in this new monster-cereals video.) I'll admit that the following are not all grammatically incorrect, but are clumsily constructed and painful to listen to:

“For this episode I thought I would do a line of cereals that has a wide variety of different flavors.”

“In 1970, General Mills cereal was making critical decisions on a new breakfast cereal. At the time, they were having some great success by adding in marshmallows to their breakfast cereals.”

“The very first commercial to promote both these cereals showcased both monsters attempting to outshine the other.”

“In the commercials, Fruit Brute was given a proper introduction, but he was never that popular enough with kids to be officially added into many of the commercials that aired in the following years.”

Videobloggers of tomorrow: Learn the language, know your subject, and mean what you say. Any less and you'll look dumb.

Probably, especially since he gushed about Donkey Kong Country Returns back in November 2010 and "reviewed" the game during last year's E3 event.However, Bores will most likely delay reviewing it for a while, wanting to instead focus on part one of the final episode of his "epic" storyline arch. When he finally does get around to reviewing the game, expect him to only play for an hour, gush about the game, and fail to make it past the second boss (or first boss if he's really lazy, like he did with Diablo III).

I'm actually curious about how Bores will end this. Knowing him, it'll most likely be something very stupid and anticlimactic. I just want to see more of Eric Allen, he's at least more likeable than Bores.

I also want to see more IG Neo reviews. I find Bores' blatant ignorance of modern games to be quite entertaining. Just as long as he doesn't touch Bioshock Infinite. I could just imagine him gushing over the graphics and making perverted comments about Elizabeth.

I think we can assume the storyline will end anticlimactically- the only question is whether Bores will intend it that way. Even an ending that actually makes sense out of the random salad of ingredients he's thrown at us couldn't possibly have dramatic weight, even if Evil Gamer turned at the last second and slew Shadow Overlord, who we discover was Johnny Newscaster the whole time, and Pixel Demon was the creation of Wilkins in collusion with the Hal-Bots as part of a scheme to ruin breakfast forever. It's gone on too long, in too asinine a fashion, to conceivably matter how it wraps up.

Yet I'm still eagerly awaiting it, just to see how it ends, and how badly. It may give crucial insight into Chris' character to see how he treats what may be his last shot at a big, attention-getting piece of work after a year of conspicuous failures.

Even that is too clever for someone like Bores to come up with. It's still stupid, but it sounds a hell of a lot better than anything IG has ever put out. I'll give him about a year to come out with his little finale.

Since work on the finale is already well underway (If Bores is to be trusted), maybe we'll get the final final episode in Summer. But it is Bores, and he likes touting and promoting stuff more than actually delivering, so yeah. A year or more is by no means out of the question.

I hope no one minds this, and Batdan may take it down, but since Bores will be a while, I'll shamelessly plug the blog I'm working on that focuses on Tokusatsu! Right now we're doing Metal Heroes Month!!!http://tokueasternheroes.wordpress.com/

Gotta love youtube comments. Where people can act like they know anything about law in general without actually knowing anything. Sorry if i seem to be venting but the whole king trademark of candy thing has shown how stupid people can be. Seriously, how hard is it to learn the difference between copyright and trademark and not use them interchangeably. King was actually well within his right to TRADEMARK candy but the problem arose when it wasn't with crush. He never could have copyrighted candy since he is not the originator. I really should just ignore most youtube comments.

Really it is more like Russian Roulette. Most are benign but there are always those few that you wonder why in the world would they exist. Can only hope people don't get worse over time and get better.

Basically the differences between trademark and copyright is that trademark is for a words or logos that are tied to a product or company, like Legend of Zelda for instance that is trademarked to Nintendo, while copyright is a bit trickier since it is the exclusive legal right to perform,use, and generally produce anything involving a specific thing. There is also the key fact that copyright's can only be given to the originator of something, so like my example above King could not copyright Candy Crush which would involve the gameplay since Bejewelled contends with it being the originator. Basically an easy way to tell the difference is a man tried to trademark his name after getting arrested so that every time they use his name in court he gets money, or so he thought, basically the judge said that is not how it works. I think I got the basic gist of it sorry if I am too vague this is actually a bit trickier than I thought to explain.

Even though it's a little off-topic, here is a quote from a book called "The Road to Freedom" by Arthur Brooks that I have been reading for a social policy class. Even though the book is a conservative's opinion regarding the issue of poverty in the United States, I think this quote describes a way for Bores to improve himself (if it’s not already too late).

“Entrepreneurs aren’t generally rich, and they fail a lot. When they sacrifice, they are learning and improving, exactly what they need to do to earn their success through their merits. Every sacrifice and failure makes them smarter and better, showing them that they’re not getting anything for free.”

Bores certainly has had a lot of sacrifices throughout his 6+ years on YouTube, but he has not learned from his mistakes and become smarter. This is why he is still stuck in the same place as he was back when he first began. He hasn't been improving at all; if anything, he's been getting worse and worse as time goes on. It's a shame.

OK, I did the drinking game with Red Bull before reading, using the Boring Brawl. I reached my limit at 2:56 on the ICBINAVGN riff. I think the mistake about Pit was especially egregious given that it's shown onscreen and announced when you select him! And with that Captain N theory now all but confirmed, I can imagine that the finale is going to give Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders a run for its money in utter banality. Now, off to reading; then to work more on my roster in Pokémon X and Y.

Oh dear, please do not tell me he is going to do what I think he is going to do. Seriously, that would be incredibly idiotic if he does that. I don't want to say what I am freaking out about because I don't want it to happen and it is just that stupid.

What's more, given that bit with JDF at the start didn't namedrop Bores at all, it's probably not outside of the realm of possibility that he stole that clip too. Just to be like "Hey, I got the green ranger to be in my video! Suck on that, haters!"

My brain has officially exploded from sheer stupidity. I am going to put this is no simple terms here. WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD BORES HAVE A MEGAZORD! Was he seriously setting up this farce of a plot so he gets to play white ranger. Of course, he had a giant HAL bot just so he could say he fought it in an idiotic Megazord. Can someone transcribe exactly what bores does in these videos to text since there is only one way I am going to get this bad taste out of my mouth.

holy shit guys. I understand not liking the guy, but this is borderline harassment. You can't go around making web pages and other sites about why this guy sucks. You can have that opinion, but this is just hateful...

I'm not saying it's unconstitutional. What i'm saying is this: does there really need to be so many places dedicated to forcing the opinion (because it IS an opinion only) that Chris sucks down his throat and never let anyone say otherwise. I once tried to stand up for the guy, only to be told that i must be another account he made. I feel like people should just ignore him if they really dislike what he does.

"but this is just hateful"Well just to let you know saying that implies this is hate speech which means unconstitutional. That said if you're not trying to say we're unconstitutional I do have to tell you that its not really possible to ignore Chris. Chris Bores ramps up his rhetoric and actions if you ignore him. AVGN ignored him and Irate Gamer re-started a month long feud that involved calling AVGN an e-beggar which has thankfully died down now.

Ignoring AVGN evidence. It's proven fact that Irate Gamer runs puppet accounts and I'm very sorry that you go confused with them. Its cool that you want people to not care about Chris Bores but the problem is that you can't force or otherwise convince people to not care. Let people give up on their own and if they don't well then that person clearly has renewing reasons to be mad at Chris. For me, its the fact that Chris progressively gets more immature and openly hostile to perceived competitors and other people (and we've caught him organizing trolling).

TLDR: Its noble goal to convince people that its a waste of time to give a shit about someone likes Chris Bores but its also more noble just to let people express their own opinions about Chris and not antagonize them so they'll want to say more.

And to answer your question "does there really need to be so many places?". Yes, I'm afraid that Chris is a really disgusting person though I don't see what you mean by "so many places". This is about the only news site that follows Chris Bore's exploits. Most channels that about hating Chris Bores are usually dead or have nothing else to say on the matter. OF course you could be talking about being sick of hearing "Chris Bores is an asshole" but that's because Chris has so thoroughly made an enemy of free speech and the internet community that anyone against trolling and harassment is happy to say it (especially those that have been harassed by Chris's puppet accounts).

Sorry for the long text but hey its a big issue that can sadly be summed up as "Chris Bores digging a very big hole".

I can see where you are coming from. I'm not even really that big a fan of his. I enjoy some of his older work, and I guess I was just getting kind of tired of seeing the comments section have nothing but pure insults at him. Not gonna say he's a perfectly stand up guy, because he isn't, but I guess I just don't like to see meanness spread so much.

Well I'd suggest avoiding comment sections for the time being (you're browsing youtube right? Because people leave those comments to piss off Chris who will respond with his puppet account Ladybuggin777). Youtube debates rarely lead to anything fruitful especially since a wave of idiots have become convinced that because the comment system was changed for the worse, they should proceed to shit post to convince others that the comment system needs fixing.