Should I be concerned?

Megan - posted on 10/20/2010
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My son has a PDD-NOS diagnosis and is in the school district sponsored preschool for it. This is combined with the Head Start in our area as they are the largest preschool program. Last year the special needs class was separate and they had special rules to accommodate the fact that many of the children had issues with attention span and such. This year (at the last minute and with no warning) they integrated the kids into the other classrooms, which was startling and not really appreciated by any of the parents I have talked to. I am trying not to let that color my interactions with my son's teacher but I got a note from her today that concerns me. I had sent her a note about how my son when particularly upset about something we had done called for her. Her response was that she thought he didn't like her because she is the one that enforces the classroom rules and makes him follow a set routine at school. That caught me totally off guard. In PRESCHOOL a child not liking his teacher because they are being too rough with the rules? That seems really harsh to me. I remember preschool being mostly playing with some learning but it was mostly about socialization and starting to learn acceptable behavior.I guess I don't know how to explain it but its setting off all sorts of alarms in my head. As my husband said, the mommy alarm is going off and I don't know if I have good reason or if I am being overprotective.Anyone have any advice.

Preschool Is not what it once used to be. Where even 20 years ago you would put your child in a preschool mostly for socialization and the early learning of basics. Now, they almost have to go to preschool or not only are they behind socially but school is very difficult for them. They exoect these kids to know so much. I do understand wanting the kids to be literate but I am very concerned what it is costing our kids. They play very little and are expected very early to be adlut like. What's it going to be like in another 10 years.

Hi Megan,Don't ignore your "Mommy alarm", but don't just jump to pull your child out. Organise a face to face meeting with the teacher. Write out your concerns and take them with you. Pre-school seems to be moving into a more "transition-to-school" year than daycare and that could be a positive for next year.I'm the rule toughguy in my sons world and though he doesn't like my "cranky voice" he still loves me.

As a teacher, I would say ask for a meeting with her. If I read your post correctly, your son was upset and called for his teacher (a good thing, If I follow your thinking...you are thinking, he is demonstrating a trust and a bond.) You write the note and the teacher says, in not so many words, gee I thought he didn't like me because I am the rule maker/enforcer. You then added a filter: being too rough with the rules.

I can guarantee you that is not what she meant at all. Your note probably re-assured her that her efforts were paying off...her response was a little bit "off the cuff" and not intended to send off the alarms.

You are right, preschool/kindergarten is about socialization and learning acceptable behaviour. In order to do this, the teachers have to be loving but firm...children at this age are very, very ego driven and learning to get along with others can be very challenging.

So, call the teacher. Tell her that you thought your son calling for her was a real sign of growing trust...but her response indicated that you (the teacher) thought he didn't like you and that as a mom this worries you. Could you tell me why you think he doesn't like you? What behaviours are you seeing that that make you think this?

The teacher might be caught completely off guard...she might have even met her responset as a "little funny."

Either way, keep that door of communication open. Never let anything stew if it is bothering you.

Like I said, as a mom of a child living with ASD I TOTALLY get your worry...but the teacher in me knows that in the past 20 years, I have had more than one misunderstanding occur and I ALWAYS appreciate it when parents call to clarify....

You are at the beginning of the education journey. You need to work in partnership with your child's teacher and never worry about speaking with the teacher about your child....he is your little guy and it is a teacher's responsibility to keep the lines of communication open.

I had "Mommy alarms" to when it came to a local preschool. I pulled my son out and found out my instincts were right. Trust your instincts, I did and my son is better off for it. There are wonderful teachers (my son has two) and schools that will work and support our unique children. There are a lot who won't. Good luck! All the best! :) Heather

My son is 3 and also has pdd-nos. Last year he was in an all asd classroom, this year he is integrated with typical peers. I thought the teacher of the all asd classroom was much tougher on them than this years teacher but it worked! She always did it in a loving way but it was very much known that was Ms. Roxanne says is what will happen. For my son it really helped. This year they have math time, story time, center time (where they can pick which center they play at), recess, lunch, snack, art and music. And any of the kids that have special services like son are pulled out of class for aba, speech, ot, and pt.

The pre-school my kids attended had more of a kindergarten feel to it. They had conferences and told me that Elisibeth could write her nickname Elsie but they wanted her to learn how to spell her full first name by the end of the year. I think that your pre-school and others are working on giving the kids a quick start to help them get used to what kindergarten will be like along with the social and play aspects.