Heart Transplant Patient Heroic, Murderous

Busskohl, 18, has been charged with two felony counts relating to a break-in attempt. But police say he was up to something more sinister: a murder plot that involved cutting out the victim's heart or slicing off his eyelids.

Cutting out his heart...or slicing off his eyelids? So, like, he hadn't decided yet? Doing both of those things would be too mean? I don't get it.

Well, this kid get's released on $100,000 bail and goes right back to his house...a few blocks from the incident. And the family gets a lawyer, apparently a slick-talking uppity Manhattan type, or just a Midwesterner that loathes his own kind:

"The Woodbury police are excited because they got something that's more serious than a cat up a tree," says Friedberg.

When a statement was released by the local police voicing their displeasure of Friedberg's quote, he replied,

So and all these Willbury-ans have apparently been so crime-free that even an attempted crime puts their community into a tizzy.

Residents say they survey their homes before entering, secure their windows and check behind curtains and other household items once inside. Once rarely used, alarm systems now are on constantly.

Oh, and um, I guess I should tell you the "crime" that actually occurred to cause the arrest and midwest yokle-steria and the CNN article. He broke a window.

Busskohl was planning to return to that shattered window in the next couple of days for an easy entry, one without commotion, according to the criminal complaint filed against him.

Hehe, easy entry, hehe. We got a sly one on our hands here, huh?I've got it! I'll just break his window...then, barring an unseen event, say, him noticing that his window is broken, I'll return to his home days later where, instead of a window there'll be a big gaping hole...pefect for easy entry...hehe, "easy entry," hehe...So how did Mr. Busskohl get caught by the police? His friend snitched on him.

"Mr. Eischens stated that Mr. Busskohl told him that he had come up with a plan on how to murder someone," the complaint says. "Mr. Eischens stated that Mr. Busskohl wanted to find an adult male who lived by himself and within walking distance of the defendant's house."

Tha's fucked up, man. I mean, maybe not as fucked up as planning to cut out someone's heart or slice off their eyelids, but...you know...still pretty fucked up.

And that's a pretty odd "mark" for an 18 year old heart patient. I get the walking distance from your home part (I didn't have a car as a teen either, all of my victims were in roller-blading distance), but this is what our would-be murderer looks like:

Creepy, yes, but not exactly intimidating. And here is his victim:

Who ya got?

Anyway, so the main claim from Friedberg is that the meds were making this kid all looney toons, which is kinda fair when you consider he was taking 10 different uppers, downers, and all-around-towners and this is what he had to say to the police when they confronted him:

"I'm not even sure I would have gone through with it."

How hilariously awesome is that?!? "Meh, I was only like 75% sure I was going to cut the dude's heart out. I mean, I didn't even start digging a shallow grave yet, so...I mean, it was all kinda tentative."

So maybe this was all just the crazy ramblings of an unwitting perscription dope fiend? Maybe he never really planned on doing anything and everyone should just suck his ba--

According to the criminal complaint filed this month, authorities obtained a search warrant for Busskohl's car and found a swim cap, black gloves, latex gloves, scrubs, gauze, an address card with Fratto's name and address, a map to Fratto's house, shoe covers, a pry bar, a black mask, two bags, one knife, two flashlights, one set of tweezers, two pairs of scissors and one scalpel.

Ok nevermind.

Fratto says it was difficult to grasp when police first informed him of the alleged plot. Standing in his backyard, he pointed into the air. "What bothers me is: If you throw a rock, he's about four blocks away."

"Fortunately," continued Mr. Fratto, "if you don't throw a rock, he's about 20 miles away. I've been asking neighbors to refrain from throwing rocks...y'know, just for a few days at least."

2 comments:

I understand the black gloves, latex gloves, scrubs, gauze, an address card with Fratto's name and address, a map to Fratto's house, shoe covers, a pry bar, a black mask, two bags, one knife, two flashlights, one set of tweezers, two pairs of scissors and one scalpel....but what the fuck's up with the swim cap? and does he really need a map to the guys house if he lives like 4 houses over?