Who’s the Daddy? column

You know, I’d have a little more respect for the drinks industry if it was more honest in its adverts. Especially at Christmas.

Instead of showing us gaggles of giggly-boobed young ladies and bearded, chiselled hunks sipping on whatever brand of firewater some booze jockey’s flogging and having the time of their lives in bars waaaaay too cool for the likes of you and me, why not give us a little reality? Go on, it’s Christmas.

You know what I’d like to see on a booze advert? The look on the actor’s face as he wakes up and tries to piece together his memories of the night before’s office party through the fog of a world-class hangover.

Okay, so it might turn out to be a homage to The Prodigy’s Smack My Bitch Up video but I’d watch it til the rewind button broke on my Sky+ handset.

But I’d go one further.

As well as printing the alcohol content on the label of each bottle, why not print some other handy information as well?

Fag manufacturers have been forced to print stuff that more or less says, ‘There’s a good chance you’ll die early if you get hooked on our product’ for years. So why not print the risks on bottles of booze?