Monday, July 31, 2006

one is the lonliest number

i was doing laundry today while making dinner (which if you don't like burned food i would not suggest doing) and right in the middle of folding a shirt i heard the timer beeping, indicating that my tasty fish portion from weggies was done. without thinking i almost yelled at someone to grab the fish out of the oven for me so i could finish up in the basement, but the only people in the house were cara and emily (neither of whom are capable of such a task). as i caught myself from yelling at no one i finally found a name for the funk i have been in for a while. i'm lonely. its funny because earlier today i put up a little blurb about lonlieness from this website despair.com which i thought to be amusing at the time. i dont know why i feel lonely. i think i miss the idea of being married. thats not to say i miss the person i was once married to becuase that would be very very wrong. but i do miss the idea of having someone to yell at to grab the fish before it burns at any given moment of the day. i feel lonely when i am alone (thank you captain obvious...what a profound statement). especially when i am alone with the girls. they overwhelm me so quickly most days with their incessant bickering over who had the toy first and the whining about wanting pasta instead of mac and cheese(which i mistakenly tried to explain to cara that mac and cheese was pasta...bad move). i feel very lonely during those moments because i cant go away to be alone. its a weird place to be...feeling alone because i cant be alone. sometimes i feel lonely when i'm with people too. not really sure why that is. so...thats my lament for the day. i'm going to go brood over it while driving to the thrift store to drop off clothes. and i'm going to put up that same away message because even right now it still amuses me.