Friday, 30 May 2014

I remember, it was the year 2005. We were in our house in coimbatore. It was one of those regular nights during the weekdays when you were just in front of your computer and wondering whether to surf for porn or go into a live chat. My brothers who were very young at that time were toying with the mouse and scrolling for wallpapers of famous models in swimsuits. And then, it happened. I told my brother Rimoh, “Bro, go to the yahoo movies page na. I wanna see which are the new movie trailers for this week.” He did as told and we were then scrolling through the pages and links. But then a voice inside of me told me I had to do something. There was a certain curiosity in me which made me say the following words, “Bro, search The Punisher. I want to see how the trailer is.” And the rest was history. Since that day in 2005 till the moment now, I have never loved or worshipped any other man more than The Punisher. So this blog is dedicated to the one man solely responsible for carving and shaping up the boy who was once lost, to the man who has now become a survivor.

"Men Fear Death. Not Me. I Am The Punisher."

I know there are many fans out there of The Punisher. Go on Instagram and you will see many guys and girls wearing the famous Punisher Skull Tee. So, what makes me different? Well, I guess I have a soft spot for him ‘cause he has been my best friend since 2005. He came into my life when I really needed motivation and a vent for my feelings and emotions. He practically saved me from my own destruction. I have told this story to so many but sadly, all have either just nodded their heads or laughed on my face. I am still misunderstand to be a boy who never grew up. But for me, it doesn’t matter what people think of me when it comes to The Punisher. He is the greatest superhero on the planet and no one can take his place. The reason I am so connected to him is because I see a lot of myself in him. It is like looking at a mirror only that the reflection you see is of a man who wears a Skull T-Shirt and who embraces his duty with relentless pursuit and zeal. The Punisher is everything that I want to be. He is tall, has a superb physique, eyes cold as death, very focused, disciplined and is calm in the face of adversity. The Punisher isn’t just a Superhero in my eyes. For me, He is like a God!

"Sometimes I Like To Get My Hands On God."

Ask me how good it feels to relive the excitement of his comics over and over again. Ask me how great it feels to watch his movies back-to-back. Ask me the joy I feel when the latest issue comes out. And ask how great it felt when Thomas Jane himself tweeted me back. Not once not twice but three times! I wanna share a story with you. As I had mentioned earlier, it was all the way back in 2005 that I had gotten hooked to The Punisher. So once I got bit by his bug, I went frantic and crazy over him, which meant that I saw the 2004 Punisher film over 40 times and went on the net to search the Diet and Training Routine of Thomas Jane and how with extra-ordinary handwork and determination he sculpted his physique for the role of The Punisher. I read every interview I could. I searched every website and then finally, I landed up at the Men’s Fitness web portal page and there was the complete Diet and Exercise and Preparation Routine of Thomas Jane with his Candid Interview. The first thing I did after reading it was taking a print out and glueing that paper on my door and the thing I did after that was one of the coolest things I could had imagined doing. I emailed the editor-in-chief of the magazine expressing to him how I am a big fan of The Punisher and how it would make me the happiest man alive to actually get the same magazine edition as a personal copy. What he did was even better. He sent me the pages in which the interview was, all the way from america to a remote location in coimbatore and also with a letter attached to it. It read, “This is for you. I admire your love and dedication for The Punisher. Hope to see you make a built like him one day too. Glad Men’s Fitness could help.” Those lines brought tears in my eyes. It wasn’t only because I had gotten a personal copy of that interview, it was also because I then believed and knew that when you really love something with all your heart, the universe will give it to you.

"Somebody Has To Punish The Corrupt."

Today, I have more than 50 Punisher Tees, 3 hoodies, a mug {which got broken by my maid, Yes, I am heart-broken ‘cause of it}, all the 3 films on dvd and blu-ray, a mouse pad, a traveller bag, a wrist band which I wear every time I go out and a book shelf consisting over 100 graphic novels and comic books. It has taken me a span of 9 years to have a collection like this and I must say, the patience has payed off. But the road wasn’t all smooth and silky. I have faced a lot of criticism and hate from the people. Even today, I have to be very careful ‘cause here in India a ’Skull’ is supposed to be a negative sign or a bad omen. Luckily, my family has always been super chilled out and supported my love and dedication towards The Punisher. But to make others feel the same way, it has always been a heathen task. Only a few months ago, I was at a recording studio with my dad. We were waiting for the singer to arrive and in that wait, I came across two ladies who for no rhyme or reason thought it would be best to have a quick chat with me. Me, being the polite guy I am {narcissist}, decided to tag along. We were 5mins deep in the conversation when one of the ladies who owns a bakery shop in town happened to notice my Punisher wrist band. She immediately started telling me that what I was wearing was a bad thing ‘cause she had experienced only negativity when it came to skulls and demonic things. My blood started to boil the moment she said and to top that, she also gave an example of her brother who experienced exponential growth the moment he got rid of this clothing which consisted of skulls and monsters. When it came for me to defend, I simply said the following. “Oh that’s nice. I am very happy for you and for you brother. But you are mistaking this Skull as a demon. It is actually quite the opposite. What this Skull symbolises is actually an Angel. An Angel who protects the innocent from the corrupt and who fights against all the wrongs of society.” With that statement both of the ladies fell silent and the only thing I could see was their heads going up and down and hearing the word, “Ooohhh!” When it comes to me defending my love, I have an arsenal of statements and facts to back it up.

"I Wear The Skull 'Cause It Scares The Hell Out Of Them."

The one thing I have learnt from The Punisher is that we should always fight for what is right and that there is a huge difference between doing the noble thing and the popular thing. The Punisher has always fought for what is right. Kept his stance and faced extreme difficulties. He has been through hell and back and even though his body has broken a countless times over, his will hasn’t and it never will. The Punisher is a beacon of hope for me. He has taught me to be wise and kind and just to all. And more than the way he has influenced me, it is the connect I share with him. I somehow feel his pain. I know how that feels like. The emptiness he has inside of him. The guilt he carries for the death of his family and the lust for war which never dies. I see it in myself too. The Punisher did three tours in Vietnam ‘cause War was the only thing that made sense to him. I wish I find a war also. And The Punisher Punishes the guilty because he doesn’t want any one to feel the way he did. He doesn’t want the burden to be on someone else’s shoulders. The Punisher is a saviour the world isn’t ready for. But I feel what he feels. He is misunderstood and alone. just the way I am. And that is why my love increases everyday. I somehow feel I am the only one who can feel what he feels. And it is my duty to speed his message to the world. Like it is my destiny. Last year at Comic Con I was dressed up as The Punisher and you should had seen the way the people were complimenting me {this isn’t narcism, this is an actual fact}. Whether it was the boys and girls approaching to me for a picture or the comments I got on Facebook, all said I dressed up well. My friend Nadira said the following words, “Holy Shit bro, You Actually Look Like The Punisher!”. You can imagine how much joy I would had felt when I received such wonderful compliments.

"Your City, My World."

But my job isn’t over. The punisher is a part of me. He is a part of my soul and I know I have a lot more to do when it comes to spread the message of The Punisher. It is one of my grandest Dreams to play The Punisher on the big screen. I have the script ready and also the way I will prepare myself to become The Punisher and give the role the justice it deserves. I look up to Dolph Lundgren, Thomas Jane and Ray Stevenson ‘cause they were chosen to play The Punisher on the silver screen before me. But I am only turning 30 now and I know that I will get my chance also. To wear that Skull T-Shirt and strike fear in the hearts of my enemies. To Punish the corrupt and to make right when all else is wrong. I know that my journey has only just begun. Until then, I will encounter many non-believers, many haters and people who will nod theirs heads and say “Ooohhh!” but that won’t stop me. This is my mission and this is my dream. I will fight for what I believe in. I will fight for The Punisher, the same way, he has always fought for me. So yes, this blog has been dedicated to The Punisher and I hope this way, I have somehow spread his message yet again.

"This Isn't Vengeance. It's Punishment."

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty And You Just Witnessed The Love I Possess For The Punisher.

Friday, 9 May 2014

"I Guess A Man’s Thoughts Are The Clearest And Purest, When He Is With Himself.”

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

I do get to travel a lot. And for the record, I love travelling. And one day, just carrying my back-pack, phone and passport and travelling the world is an important item on my bucket list. And I know that one day very soon, I will be able to do that. But right now, I am travelling back to mumbai. My dad is campaigning in west bengal and so, we had gone there to visit him and lend him our support. All thanks to him, we, the family, got to travel in a private jet! While going to kolkatta I was deeply engrossed in the pages of Dan Brown’s Inferno. And now, I am deeply engrossed in my thoughts. Even though right now, I am tempted to read a few more pages of the book and see what happens next, I am choosing to do this, write another blog entry. I am a man of many thoughts and even though I write a lot in my diary nowadays, my words always find their way to my blogs. I believe that is a very good thing. Speaking of blogs and websites and social media, I am also planning to go AWOL from Twitter and Instagram. Zac Efron is one of the few I admire in hollywood and in an interview a few years ago he said that he would never come on any social media websites. Back then, I thought that, that wasn’t a wise decision but today, I somehow agree with the man. Besides his drop dead good looks, he is also very intelligent and one of the hottest stars in hollywood for a reason! So here I am, in a private jet, going back home, with thoughts that need to be typed and to be expressed.

Fear. It is the one thing we all try to run away from. I on the other hand thank fear, ‘cause it is with fear that I realise what is important for me and what I may loose if I don’t give it my importance. I feel fear all the time. Whether it is through my insecurities or the unravelled future, fear always creeps up to me. At first, I used to run away from it also. But as GSP said, “We all are afraid. We all feel fear. And that is a good thing ‘cause only by admitting that you are afraid will you not be scared anymore.” Today, I look in the mirror and see through my eyes, into my soul and I try to hear the voice. The voice of my conscious that has always delivered me from evil. That has always shown me the way and which has always saved me when I needed it the most. I have to be honest with you, I do feel a change coming. A change which is meant for the better of me ‘cause now I have come to this understanding that everything happens for a reason and the reason always pushes us forward, towards our destinies. For a while now, the voices in my head had stopped talking to me. But now, they have come back. And I know that there must be a reason behind it. And this time, I am not fighting them but rather I am welcoming them.

"Associate with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for it is better to be alone than in bad company."

I don’t believe in God or the word God by lengths and miles. But I do believe in energy and the cosmic power of the universe. And for many years now, I have felt this deep connection with the universe and everything in it. Some people look up and talk to it, I write in my diary. My diary is like my cosmic connection with the universe and I have seen that whenever I write my feelings and wants out in my diary, the universe replies to me in a jiffy. That is one of the reasons my diary is my best friend. I carry it along with me wherever I go and it feels great to vent out my emotions in it from time to time. For me, balance, dependancy and attention are strong points when it comes to relationships. Whether it is friendship, family or love, I take these three things very seriously and I put up walls the moment I feel that the balance is no longer there. Speaking of walls, they are up now as we speak. I am not blaming anyone anymore for these walls. I understand that not everyone can live through the same circumstances, as everyone has to first seek their own priorities. But now I have come to realise that I can’t be the guy waiting at the receiving end either. Just like everyone else, i have to protect my emotions and save my ass as well. So to whomever it may concern, understand that I am not going away, I am just pulling the chord which channelled my dependancies.

"A man is born alone and dies alone; and he experiences the good and bad consequences of his karma alone; and he goes alone to hell or the Supreme abode."

I am turning 30 in the next three months. Why is this birthday so important for me? Well, it is because the number 30 is very close to me. This is my 30th birthday and I am born on the 30th of july 1984. If you add my birth year 8+4 you will get 12 and if you add those numbers, 1+2 you will get 3. So that is why, this birthday is very important for me as I believe I am entering the most important phase of my life. I asked my buddies Nathan and Nadira about how it feels to be 30 and above and both of them said the same thing, “At 30, all boys leave their boyhoods behind and enter Manhoods.” To be honest, I completely agree with them. I am in that zone as we speak. I am remembering all the crazy, stupid and dumb things that I did and I am looking forward to the amazing future at the same time. I am scared that I will never be young again and at the same time I am looking forward to be more matured and sound. This is the most interesting transitional phase of my life right now and I am truly enjoying the journey. My brothers friends laugh at me ‘cause none of the girls hit on me anymore and mostly all of them address me now as ‘Uncle’ ‘cause of the white hair in my hair and beard. A part of me does get scarred by those comments but a side of me is glad that I am over it. I guess right now would be the right time to hear the Britney Spears song, “I’m not a girl, not yet a woman.”

My mom just said I am a recluse. She is right on that. I have always been by myself or maybe the truth is, I always wanted to be alone. There are times even today when I just wanna be by myself and those moments are the most therapeutic for me. My driver kasim often asks me, “How come I love being alone so much?” He said, that whomever he has asked, they all have said that they can’t be alone. That they always need someone’s company to keep them entertained. But I love my own company the most and for me, that is freedom. To be the master of your own life and living it by your own rules. I do believe in fate and in destiny and I believe we all come back to our origins one way or another ‘cause that is how we realise who we really are. I may look normal from the outside but from the inside, I do feel I am a Lone Wolf. A man who will always love to be by himself rather in the company of others. As they say, I am ‘Damaged Goods’ and now, I don’t wanna be fixed. People, expectations and circumstances always turn you down and these are the things that give us real pain. When we are away from such things, we are in a much happier place. There are pros and cons in every decision we make and as wise adults we need to choose the things that give us the least amount of pain. As my dad says, “Pain is permanent. Happiness is what you get in breaks and pauses.” I am happy where I am and excited where my life will be taking me now. I have gotten rid of the demons in my life and now I am ready to face and welcome my future with open arms. Life is a journey and the best way to experience this journey is by tagging along for the ride.

"I have to be alone very often. I'd be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That's how I refuel."

So here I am, in the private jet, going back home to mumbai. The plane would be landing in the next 45mins or so. I look forward to the life that is waiting for me. I look forward to the Parcel from Mma Warehouse which is right now at the Indian Customs Office. I look forward to many more Mma sessions at Xff. I look forward to all those amazing UFC Live Events. And I look forward to the life that I have envisioned. I am right now in the 3rd week of my Creative Writing 101 online class from Gotham Writers. And with each passing week, I am learning more traits to be a writer. I believe that everyone should always learn and never stop exploring the unknown. I have taken the 1st step by doing this amazing writing course. You never know, maybe one day I may also write a book. Or I may take up classes in Astronomy and Psychology and write a thesis on that. The point is turning 30 is a cool thing for me right now and with it comes many a more life’s surprising moments. I am happy this change in coming in my life. And I am happy that somehow, some way, my Inner Self is still very much alive and still with me.

"Look at the sky. We are not alone. The whole universe is friendly to us and conspires only to give the best to those who dream and work."

About Me

Hi, I am Mahaakshay Chakraborty. I am an Actor. I am from Mumbai. I love Movies and everything about them. I am also learning Mixed Martial Arts as a Professional Sport and I believe in the Power of Giving. :-)