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Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I'm writing again!

I wrote this down as I was sitting down in class with nothing to do...

One Call.

She was walking home in the rain when the call came. It had been a long and arduous day for her. Nothing seemed to be working for her today. She got shouted at during her departmental meeting, she dropped her favourite coffee mug before she took her first sip, her suppliers delayed her shipment causing a slowdown in production, and now this news.

With long and fatigued footsteps she cursed her luck. She cursed the ground that she walked on and she even cursed the small stone that almost tripped her into the puddle.

She was downcast and had no intention of going home. Is she did, she would be going home to nothingness. There's nothing for her to go back home to. Not after this phone call. Every day, she would rush home from work to see her two favourite things in the world. Now both are gone. Little Roger choked on a stink beetle about two weeks ago; Little Roger was probably the only thing that kept them together. Maybe her fate today was linked to Little Roger's demise. Maybe it began going downhill since then.

She was searching for answers in her heart but her mind told her of this futile attempt to rationalise. What has been done, has been done. Words said cannot be undone. Feelings hurt will only recover through time, with the scars telling and reminding you of the time when.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Who wants to be a hero?

I was just thinking of all the things that I was doing and it just dawned on me - Who wants to be a hero?

My son is sleeping peacefully next to me while I am trying to finish some work that should've been done ages ago. I was taking a break and I thought of other things just to give my mind a rest. My thoughts led me to the fact that there's a nuclear disaster waiting to happen in the Tsunami stricken Island of Japan.

The tsunami came, saw and destroyed much of the city and caused a shut down on one of its nuclear power plants. There was supposedly a leak and the leak was caused by an explosion in the reactor. Apparently, this explosion occurred because the nuclear scientists tried to vent out some radioactive gasses into the air to keep the entire reactor from blowing up. So I thought, someone must've been really brave to go and open a vent at the top of a nuclear reactor, knowing that anything that comes out will be radioactive and the thing cold blow up at any given time.

What would've gone through his mind when his boss told him that he was selected for this dangerous mission? "Boss, take care of my wife and kids. Tell them I love them." That's what I would say. Then my mind rationalised that his boss might just give them a one off cheque for their loss, have the town declare him a hero, and forget about this man until someone talks about this disaster 50 years later.

His wife and kids - They will only know that their husband and father died a heroic death, died for the nation, died protecting them.

Will you be this man? No. Of course not. Who in their right mind would want to be in this position?

So who wants to be a hero? Not me.

I was brought back to examine my own life. For all the things that I have done, for all the things that I am still doing, for all the things that requires my attention. And I think to myself, it's mighty lonely being a hero. Don't even talk about being a hero, just talk about being a voluntary leader. Someone who just gives and gives and gives, and receives nothing for the sacrifices that he has poured out.

That's why, modern day heroes are loners, people who cannot have a family life. If you want to have a family, then you can't be a hero. That's because no one will take care of your family for you. If we were in a world 50 years back, I believe that our bosses would indeed take care of our family, literally, if we were killed in action, serving the company, but today, loyalty and heroism is worth nothing. The boss would just give you some money, and off with you. Never come back to haunt me again, I have done my part to compensate you for your loss, I have no other responsibilities whatsoever towards you. What you do with that money is your prerogative, I have paid my dues to you and your family. Sorry for your loss.