The case of the Fatal Frenzy Joystick

I’m the heiress of a generation brought up with 8-bit songs, cross-cross-square-circle-circle-circle-triangle combos, Poke-Mew clonage with ABABBAB and other subtleties only a few chosen ones born at the end of the millenium know.

There isn’t much on my resume, a master’s degree in English, a month and a half working at McDonald’s, somewhat typical journey of a young student who never really wanted to dive into working life, and always favored school’s comfortable environment.

My virtual resume, on the other hand,…is quite something else.

My gamertag, my identity, my reputation.

IamNeoSX.

I went through the eras of gaming like an epic journey, levelling-up was my destiny, Teabagging my nemesis. I’ve known Tekken 3 and mastered Eddie Gordo’s capoeira, the wall glitches in Resident Evil, and I can play Tetris’ Theme Song on four instruments.
I’ve played the very first Halo game 12 years ago.

The Matchmaking world (online playing) on Halo Reach is way more cruel and sexist than the real world. You don’t have to wait long to get a « Suck me » thrown in your face. The second I log in, I get assaulted with « Fuck off bitch », and other incivilities that are so typical of male gamers. But just as in the real world, the more a guy picks on a girl, the shorter … his life is between two respawnings (coming back in the game after a death), between two times I « frag » him hard.

The frag (killing an enemy or another player) is the only purpose in a gamer’s life. In Halo, the highest the frag score is, the more a gamer shows his high skills, his gift. You’d consider a noob under 10 frags/game, average bewteen 10 and 15, « GG » (good) above.

It always happens the same when I connect to the waiting room before a game – because it’s a known fact that a female gamer doesn’t belong here ! It starts with insults, betrayal from members of my teams as soon as the game begins, rage-quitting from them because they won’t play with a girl in their 4-men team. And then the fun begins.

First I get to the sword or the rocket launcher or even the shotgun– you gotta pack in, you know. Sprint, sprint, dodge, grenade x1, x2, shoot, and strike.

« IamNeoSX is in a Killing Frenzy. »

My score is getting higher and higher. The adrenaline. My fingers are tight around the triggers, then movements become more fluid, more precise. Thin drops of sweat are running down my body. I get Teabagged, how sweet. I respawn and get the bastard from behind in a tight embrace. Game over. I won.

Team score : 50 – 32. My name is at the top. 28 kills. Then the screen goes to Top Medals and I’m first again. My victory is complete. New messages :« oO », « are u rly a grl ? ».
I smirk and ignore them.

The power is right there in my hands, the phallus, the joystick. I control it, I’ve robbed them from it. I’ve deprived them of their masculinity.
A controller can be such an emasculating weapon.

My name is IamNeoSX and I frag men. Cyber-amazon.

Trinity comes into the living-room and frowns at me with a disgusted look on her face.
« How long are you gonna be playing ? We’re about to have diner … »
She doesn’t get it, can’t comprehend that this isn’t a game.