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BOOK OF EQUANIMITY - Case 31

Some folks asked about the long silence since our last Koan. But is not the silence also speaking? If you do not think so, please go back to Koan 1 ... where the Buddha gave up on his talk and went back to bed ...

Another Koan on the dance of Relative and Absolute ... Ummon sings of Buddha and a stone pillar mingled, one. In response to the rhetorical question "what level of insight am I expressing", the Koan is filled with many images just the most natural happening, conveying how natural it all is ... . This is not the first time that Ummon (aka Yumen) responded with a very concrete worldly object, for in other Koans he described Buddha as "a garden of flowers", "the five senses and the mind", "the hedge surrounding the privy", and of course, a "dried shit stick".

The Verse sings ...

It has never been concealed ... it's affirmed without affirmation (for what affirmation is needed or possible when we transcend relative views and opinions) ... it is adequacy without adequacy ... it is three feet or sixteen feet (or any feet at all), according and fitting all kinds, sizes and situations.

Questions:

- Tell me about somebody or something in the world that you have a very hard time experiencing as "Buddha". Next, tell me why you are mistaken!

- Express how, in life, inadequacy is quite adequate. Give an example from your life.

- Now, express what is both and neither adequate or inadequate, fully transcending yet holding all adequate and inadequate human views and stone pillars.

Gassho, J

PS - I will be in Korea for the next two weeks, but will still be checking into the Forum daily.

It's hard to see anything as strictly "not Buddha". I might be stuck in emptiness. If I encounter something that deeply upsets me, the word I may think is, "misguided".

I wonder if I'm being honest with myself? There has got to be something out there that, when I meet it, completely dissolves my zen filter. I will have to watch myself.

Inadequacy,
Adequacy,
Say them enough and they no longer make sense.
They no longer sound like words
One becomes the other
Or they both become the same

I do dishes slowly at work:
Inadequacy
But I do dishes well at work:
Adequacy

There is a hard-to-see picture in my mind
Of inadequacy bleeding into adequacy
Oozing into inadequacy again
But I can't really look at it because it is always changing,
And I can't show it or explain it

The old Buddha, teaching while lying down
still expounded the Dharma while dying.
The pillar of the teachings stands forever erect.
So the number of activities is one.
The last and the first,
Only one and all the same.

The inevitable reality of life is death.
Clouds gather in the South Mountain
Rain fall over the north Mountain
In this lifetime, in this great opportunity,
there is no time to waste.

When doing something as a true human being, with all your attention, being and hart. How could it ever be inadequate? A tea bowl made by a master, holds perfection because of it's imperfections. It is beautifully because of it's flaws. Zen teacher Jundo with makeup and Mickey Mouse ears on Beautiful.

Working on this way of looking at the world, is my practice. And in this I am very inadequate sometimes .

A toilet paper is hardly Buddha, not until you have been a long way from a toilet for way too long. The the stick is close Buddha supreme!

"When doing something as a true human being, with all your attention, being and hart. How could it ever be inadequate? A tea bowl made by a master, holds perfection because of it's imperfections. It is beautifully because of it's flaws. Zen teacher Jundo with makeup and Mickey Mouse ears on Beautiful." - Thank you Enkyo, very very true.

To answer the other question, I have in the past held raw hatred toward my uncle, who is a narcissistic, psychologically abusive drug addict who has caused those in my family immense amounts of suffering, especially my Grandmother. Throughout practice and Meta meditation after Shikantaza, I have begun to realize that he is suffering like the rest of us. In fact, he has caused such pain to others because he is in agony himself. Bound by negativity, cynicism and a closed mind. Never happy, never satisfied. Though I have loathed him, he has Buddha-nature just as well do. He is a slave to his attachment and cravings as many of us are. How can I be angry, how can I hold such hatred for him especially when the hatred is only causing me harm and has prevented me from realizing the Buddha within me in the past?

This man is not a narcissistic, psychologically abusive drug addict, these are merely labels, not part of his true nature or his true self.

Thank you for carrying this study on, Jundo,
knowing time is tight I much appreciate it.

I generally not have a hard time seing someone as buddha, in fact the most difficult persons I perceive as my teachers,
they challenge me and my understanding, they test how much its in my bones and not just my mind. However, I loose
the clear view pretty easy when something frightens me, when fear comes up my view is not so clear anymore.

I'm not sure if we are mistaken at all, a view is always a more or less deluded view.

- Express how, in life, inadequacy is quite adequate. Give an example from your life.

I feel like not knowing is a good inadequacy to our world of having answers all around; picking up any kind of magazine and you got many answers to many questions, and its all inadequate to life. In my life I always carry answers with me, like: When my son drops his glass with orange juice I have to tell him to be more careful. Buts that might not be adequate. An adequate response might be to show understanding that the glass just slipped through his fingers. But once again even this might be inadequate. The only adequate response is the one that comes up naturally from a "buddha mind" right in each moment.

Btw, I feel this koan much emphasizes our interconnectedness, so thank you Jundo for broadening my horizon when visiting Korea,

There is a hard-to-see picture in my mind
Of inadequacy bleeding into adequacy
Oozing into inadequacy again
But I can't really look at it because it is always changing,
And I can't show it or explain it

Tell me about somebody or something in the world that you have a very hard time experiencing as "Buddha". Next, tell me why you are mistaken!

Someone who is very insightful, who points out an intimate personal fault, but it does not last. There is no one who can't be experienced as Buddha after stepping out for a stroll. Taking things personally is a mistake, but there it is. It happens less.

Express how, in life, inadequacy is quite adequate. Give an example from your life.

No painting is adequate. It is never perfectly balanced. Yet that inadequacy is adequate because a perfectly balanced painting would be a dead painting. The imbalance is its life.

Gassho Daizan

As a trainee I ask that all comments by me on matters of Dharma be taken with "a grain of salt".

Express how, in life, inadequacy is quite adequate. Give anexample from your life

I cannot do it all. I cannot solve every problem. I cannot provide enough. I cannot do life for other people. But thatís OK. I can do all that I can and in this doing know that it is enough and in truly living my life as me, know that I am living it to the fullest.

Express what is both and neither adequate or inadequate,fully transcending yet holding all adequate and inadequate human views andstone pillars.

I cannot do it all. I cannot solve every problem. I cannot provide enough. I cannot do life for other people. But thatís OK. I can do all that I can and in this doing know that it is enough and in truly living my life as me, know that I am living it to the fullest.

I cannot do it all. I cannot solve every problem. I cannot provide enough. I cannot do life for other people. But thatís OK. I can do all that I can and in this doing know that it is enough and in truly living my life as me, know that I am living it to the fullest.

Wow, yes, this is awesome, thank you Heisoku. I too was like that and for so many years of my life. I am thankful that this practice has and is showing that balance can be created and maintained.

Gassho
Shingen

RINDO SHINGEN
倫道 真現

As a trainee priest, please take any commentary by me on matters of the Dharma with a pinch of salt.

What is both and neither adequate or inadequate, fully transcending yet holding all adequate and inadequate human views and stone pillars?

Me and that person I don't think of as a buddha but who really is a buddha, except that I am wrong about us both. This happens pretty rarely, and when it does happen it is very temporary. A student got on my almost non-existent shit list recently for her abusive and threatening behavior towards another student, among other things, behavior very unbuddha-like. I am getting over it, and in its place is concern and compassion for the future of that student in how she can find a way in life to be more buddha-like. We are both quite flawed, perfectly so, which brings me to...

Express how, in life, inadequacy is quite adequate. Give an example from your life

There are parts of my job I do quite adequately, and there are other parts that I do quite inadequately. The parts that I do inadequately are the parts that I don't like. Actually, when I do those tasks I do them adequately, but my avoiding them is the inadequacy. It's all just my job, this whole package of work that nests within the whole package of life that nests within form and emptiness. When I am in the moment of any task, work or otherwise, adequacy and inadequacy disappear. When I am doing any task half-assed, adequacy and inadequacy reappear.

There are parts of my life that I feel could be better, that are judged to be inadequate, and so I strive to find a way to make them better, adequate. But doing so just feeds the hungry ghost inside me. My inadequacy is perfectly adequate, and peace reigns during the times in my life when I realize this, but that hungry ghost is persistent, so the battle ebbs and flows. Lately, there is lots of ebbing, but I know change is inevitable and that flow will happen in due time. Just doing this exercise brings flow closer.

One of the things this practice has helped me with is that even in the midst of feelings of great inadequacy, I rarely feel stuck in it the way I used to. Now, thanks to this practice, even if I feel lost and out of control in my search for adequacy, I know, deep down, that it will pass and that I will once again regain my sense of perfectly adequate inadequacy. And the same goes in the other direction when I feel that way, I know it won't last either. But with each cycle I get a little better, a little further along the Path.

I study and practice the dharma = clouds rising in the south mountains
I occasionally realize my perfectly adequate inadequacy = scattered showers in the north mountains

hearing word buddha certain concept arises and when i walk this world i see people that don't fit into concept and that's also why i'm mistaken of what buddha is because it certainly ain't a concept instead i should let go of concepts and accept whatever comes

inadequacy is quite adequate-killing and grilling other sentient beings

what's both adequate and inadequate and neither adequate and inadequate- whatever i get in touch with and evaluating it with my thoughts

- Tell me about somebody or something in the world that you have a very hard time experiencing as "Buddha". Next, tell me why you are mistaken! ￼

I have a hard time experiencing myself as "Buddha". I usually see the "Buddhaness" in others, but I notice my faults such as being quick to anger, or buying into paranoia about losing my job or not feeling good enough. But I realize those deluded thoughts are just as Buddha as the serene thoughts. They are good grist for the mill and helped bring me to this practice in the first place. Sun Faced Buddha, Moon Faced Buddha. Sometimes Buddha is scared, sometimes angry, sometimes serene, sometimes Buddha doesn't listen too well when his wife is talking to him. lol

- Express how, in life, inadequacy is quite adequate. Give an example from your life.

A good example of when I feel inadequate is at work. Sometimes I feel threatened if someone knows more than me. But when I drop that, it just is and it's fine. It's a gift because it gives me the chance to learn something new. And when you can find something new and exciting and you can learn that is an awesome, awesome gift.

- Now, express what is both and neither adequate or inadequate, fully transcending yet holding all adequate and inadequate human views and stone pillars.

Today when sitting zen, I had a feeling of bliss. Sometimes I get these, and I think they can be more dangerous than other "negative" feelings because I tend to want to hold onto those. I feel more prepared for negative feelings for some reason, like I know to be watchful of them and not fall into those. But promises of paradise are a lot more tricky for me.

Then I straightened up and dropped it, and it just subsided. There is no adequacy or inadequacy any more.. There is just this, just sitting. It's like that off of the cushion too. These judgements that I put on my life can be like a prison, but if I just drop those and do, be then poof just doing ,just being, no issues.

But this dropping can be misleading. Sometimes it may seem like oh just drop, practice is adequate, but then I am trapped again. As it says in Genjokoan,

When dharma does not fill your whole body and mind, you may assume it is already sufficient. When dharma fills your body and mind, you understand that something is missing.

So I could say "oh my practice is sufficient or adequate" and go on with my little bullshit story. But life and practice are both.. at times they feel adequate, at times they do not. But this is neither.. it is beyond those judgments, no matter how I might want to contain it.

In a way those clouds that we grasp on to are a good thing. I don't think I should look for them but they are blessing because they give me an opportunity to practice. All life is like this to me. Practice is active and something to be engaged in. Feeling that practice is not adequate, not sufficient, is good because it helps me to keep going and not rest on my laurels. But it's important that I not become attached to that idea. The important point for me is to keep on sitting, keep on practicing, keep on learning… the middle way beyond those grasping thoughts and boundaries.

But I'm just barely scratching the surface. As Bokusan Nishiari says in Dogen's Genjokoan: Three Commentaries" (p. 61).

You had been busily running around like thirsty person looking for water. But now, when you become your original person, what will you think? You understand that even before taking one step there was already the original face and eye and the complete Buddha dharma, abiding where bodhi-mind first arose. This cannot be understood with our twenty or thirty years of endeavor in the face of extreme hardship.

To me that is inspiring, not daunting. Adequate, inadequate.. I need to find out by daily practice… It never ends, always something new to practice. This practice is a gift!

- Tell me about somebody or something in the world that you have a very hard time experiencing as "Buddha". Next, tell me why you are mistaken!
- Express how, in life, inadequacy is quite adequate. Give an example from your life.
- Now, express what is both and neither adequate or inadequate, fully transcending yet holding all adequate and inadequate human views and stone pillars.

Apologies in advance: I keep trying to not to rant in my post but it keeps turning out rant-like.

Who I have difficulty experiencing as Buddha: Me, when I'm not sitting zazen. Other people, when I'm not sitting zazen. Kids on the street, young women in rags carrying their babies wading through traffic to knock on car windows and often turning away empty-handed. My mother stuck in the hospital dying and in need of money that I can no longer give. It's not simply that it's hard to experience them as Buddha - it's that it hurts to even think of them as Buddha. Kannon must be in a lot of pain. How does it feel to hear the world's cries and know it's your own cries you're hearing? To think of all those sentient beings, yourself included, crying out - and then there's that vow we take to liberate us all: and that hurts too.

And I guess that's my answer to Question Number 2 as well: this practice, my efforts to keep the Bodhisattva Vows, everything are all inadequately adequate/adequately inadequate. When I tell people of my mother's situation and how I can no longer financially support her (at least not without dipping into the funds for my children's education and future, which my wife and I agreed we wouldn't touch), everybody seems to be of the opinion that I've given enough. And that's true. After all, I am also a sentient being.

But on the other hand, it's not enough and it will never be enough. And I'm not talking about just money here. The love and compassion I have - it will never be enough. You think not? Try liberating even just one sentient being and you'll see this not-enough clearly. At the same time, this not-enough is enough. It is because it is not enough that the practice is never-ending. What is it that Dogen said in Genjo Koan? "When Dharma fills your whole being you know something is missing." I know that something's missing and so I keep practicing. And that's enough.

Thank you for sharing all that pain Rafael; but we must let go of it as well. It is what it is and we can only do what we can do. When we say ,"All the evil committed by me ..." we include the quilt and atone/at-one for it all; and we sit with(out) it

gassho,

仁道 生開 - Jindo Shokai "Open to life in a benevolent way"
May we be peaceful. embracing ALL conditions of life

thank you for raising this point, Shingen, it's a point I'd never thought about.

is it so, can it be said that the suffering of all sentient beings is never ending?

Like Edward just said, "No suffering, No problem, No Buddhist!" But, that is an ultimate state of being - because I am still in a relative state of being, I will continue to sit, support, care for, and work towards ending suffering for all sentient beings.

Gassho
Shingen

RINDO SHINGEN
倫道 真現

As a trainee priest, please take any commentary by me on matters of the Dharma with a pinch of salt.