I spent such a huge part of my life feeling dread and misery that in the beginning of this whole life overhaul journey, I had to believe happiness wasn’t some BS made up Disney emotion. And then I had to figure out if I was worth this lovely gift. And when I finally decided that maybe I was, what does happiness feel like for me?

Since childhood, each of us has developed an entire dossier on our own happiness. Some items stem from the musings of a three-year-old, like chocolate for every meal and Daddy and Mommy getting back together. Some are American ideals like white picket fences and skinny bodies. But some may be so precious, we may never have even spoken them.

My arting and writing were two activities I denied myself to a painful point. But since I’ve been allowing for their regular expression, I can say that my happiness is truly dependent on these. Although I was dubious about marriage and children, I have come to discover that there are many more layers of wonder there than meet the eye.

Money and fame are extrinsic rewards that hold no glamour for me. Happiness is an intrinsic goal. However, Where I once shut down the possibility of making money and gaining any credit, I am beginning to open up to the concept that they are on a necessary pathway to the next steps of creativity and self-exploration.

For me, happiness is about being present in my life. If I’m doing something, I want to be OK with being there doing that. And if I can’t be, then I need to go about changing stuff and making choices so that I never need to feel that way again. Trusting myself to confidently sort through my life’s decisions has been one of the most rewarding accomplishments.

Happiness is about being with my kids and not being impatient with them because I think I have somewhere else to be (except maybe making their dinner). It’s about getting exercise, sleeping well, and cooking yummy food. And my ultimate happiness is to spend time with friends yapping and laughing and drinking a nice bottle of wine. Everything else is a plus happy. I’ve spent a lifetime fishing to feel what happiness felt like. I am making it up as I go and learning that not only do I deserve it and that it’s possible to be happy, but instead of buying into what others tell me should make me happy, I get to decided what makes me truly happy.

What makes you truly happy? Being surrounded by a certain color or immersed in a smell or sound? A certain place on earth? Tell me in the comments please.

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There is a lot of incomplete, ignored, and undone tasks hovering over my head. I come across a pile of stuff in my closet or attic or bookshelf and I think , I don’t have the time to deal with this. Then multiply this by 100 and I’m kinda a captive of all the uncompleted piles of stuff. A prisoner of my past, my intentions, and my stuff.

Years of living reactively, of not completely cleaning up after myself, and of not knowing what to value has led to a slight hoarding problem. I get it honest from my family. I began my reformation 10 years ago when I shut my shop down. My story is here. And as processes are just that, I still have much to let go of.

It’s never been about the stuff. The stuff represents who you think you are. Or who you used to think you were or who you think you might want to be. The stuff represents the tension and your confusion between these undecided upon possibilities. I have been very concertedly attempting to better decide on who I am. I’m a work in progress and process.

Meanwhile, I picked up Marie Kondo’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up recently. I started in a little clearing some of my clothing and folding my shirts in my drawers so that you can see all of them in a row. Very satisfying and I completely love that your decision criteria to hold or let go of what you own depends on whether you love it. Quite simply, does it bring you happiness?

The theme that is emerging in my life is Happiness. That what doesn’t make you happy isn’t worth the space either in your head or on your shelf. If the memory that you have when you hold the object makes you happy then “heck yeah” you should hold on to it. But if it only brings you confusion or sadness, then letting it go is an act of kindness.

I know there’s a button making gizmo in a box at the top of my closet which we used to make pins and magnets with our picture on it as wedding favors 15 years ago. A button maker is a really cool thing to have but I have never needed it since. And the life-size cardboard stand up of Han Solo frozen in carbonite? That makes me enormously happy. It reminds me of a life changing moment in my life in the movie theater at the age of 14. And my kids can do whatever they want with it after I’m gone.

Sometimes, we have to allow for things to be undecided and incomplete until we have shifted and chosen something else. Until we know ourselves better. I know this and so I often leave stuff alone and undecided upon until this happens, until it becomes clear what I need to do with my opportunities. My tendency is to collect options but that can wear me out quickly. Too many options is as bad as none. So my intentions for the year are to move through my space, my possibilities, and my stuff with an awareness of my happiness, my benefits, and my abundance. Less to look at and deal with is less brain clutter too. And I need the space to make better choices on my happiness in other areas of my life.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

At the end of our therapy session, she said be aware of the clenching up and the anxiety you may get when things are going good. That’s to be expected when you heal your soul but be mindful of it so that you can take it in and move beyond it. I suddenly realized I had tensed up and wrung my hands when I’d said things were going well as I headed into the holiday season. Because that is unheard of. And now I’d claimed happiness was possible.

I watched a taped conversation between Oprah and Brene Brown where they were discussing how even when things are going well, you brace yourself for the disaster. You deflect joy by deflating it. I read about this in Brene Brown’s book Daring Greatly late. Because we want to guard against the pain and disappointment that we may feel if we are hopeful and count our chickens. Deflect the good and it won’t hurt when it goes up in flames.

So that the process of being happy, acknowledging my life is going better than it ever has is a very risky vulnerable thing to do. But there you have it. Where once Christmas was dreadful because it just meant more debt, now I have money in a savings account ready to pay for it. Where I once felt anxious every day about everything that I couldn’t control, today I have minor moments and mostly, I just don’t much care anymore what others’ are thinking.

If you do your best, and you honestly and truly know it is, then you get to be happy. You get to sit back in the self-trust chair and rule your happy little kingdom called life. And let everyone else worry about all those things no one can control. Happy is an inalienable right I’m cashing in for the holidays. How about you?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

We went to the playground yesterday. It was a lovely day, a breezy Sunday, and Fiona was excited to be there. She climbed the rock wall barefooted and ran back and forth. And Eamon just laid in the saucer swing. He wanted to be with his fellow preteens. And he said it was a “Mopey Dope” kinda day. He lacked perspective. They a;; do at that age.

When he felt anxious this morning, I related to him that his kinda day was going to depend on his perspective of his life. If he thought he had good stuff, he appreciated, was grateful for what he had, then he would see himself as happy.

And if he focused on all the things his life lacked, then he was going to see his life as lacking, as sucky. Simply, what you think about your life is what you think your life is.

If I start to obsess and pile up all the things that are going wrong and how that reflects on my life, today I’d be living a little unhappily. I had a very minor fender bender this week while feeling slightly overwhelmed by everything else I have going on. And our water bill came in and was exorbitant. But my kids and I are healthy. I have a house, a good sense of humor, and stuff in my freezer to thaw out for dinner.

Last night I was locked out of my email but my husband and I figured it out. I used to have fits when anything technological went wrong but we kept our cool and held our breath and walked through the fire. We didn’t blow it up and that’s the difference.

I wanted to feel overwhelmed but I told my husband, “I’m just going to have to work harder to disprove that it’ll all turn out bad.” Because what I decide will happen will be what happens. So today, I decided to just be OK. And I hope, when he gets home from school, my son tells me a story about how his day didn’t end up being so bad after all. And if he tries to tell me it was bad, I’ll have to show him my scraped bumper and the $600 water bill.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

Paralyzed, I spend a free moment thinking what would be the best way to spend this free moment. Didn’t I write a list of things to do when I had a free moment. Where is that list?

I got to thinking, if only I were on top of things. My ideal happy state of household bliss would be where I was ahead of everything. Martha Stewart style organization with food planned and prepped, laundry practically washing itself, drawers organized, and all sorts of free time leftover time to do my own creative thing.

But that’s a Control Fantasy. And that is ridiculous and impossible. Because nothing will ever be that much in my control and thus the dream, the penultimate existence is unachievable. And I’ve cruelly dangled this ideal, day after day, in front of my face creating a constant state of unachievable happiness. In other words, constant misery.

Being happy with just Being and going along with whatever happens is the only way life really happens. Everything else is an illusion. Yes, you may be able to create this well maintained illusions if you could throw gee gobs of money at it. Nanny McPhee, a lawn crew, and a chef to take care of those pesky meals you must prepare for your ungrateful children. But then sick children need their Mamas at three in the morning and there’s no way to farm out and overachieve that one.

So Happiness is intrinsic not Extrinsic. Inside goal not outside goal. Based on what we are and know and not what we do and how much stuff we have or accomplish. And constantly trying to sell ourselves on this flawed goal will constantly cause us unsettled unhappiness.

Prioritizing Being isn’t to say that I have to keep doing things the same way I always do. If it’s not working for me, I need to tweak it, change it. Like the two days only of guaranteed childcare. Not working for me. Like not having weekly soul chats with anyone of my fabulous friends, not working. Not prioritizing artistic expression every day is no longer an option.

What is it that you hold out from yourself or over yourself that keeps you from achieving a realistic happiness point? What’s a realistic way or choice you could make to change this?

The video walk-through of my newly rearranged downstairs is going live tomorrow!

You’ve asked for it and you’re gonna get it! Thanks for your comments and support.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

My name is Shalagh Hogan, pronounced Shay-La. I'm the mother of a toddler, a tween, and my five year-old blog and I turned 50 this year. My hope and joy as a writer, an artist, and an uber-creative, is that by sharing my journey of self-discovery, others will gain inspiration and permission for their own journeys.

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