Relationships & Sex: Girl It Ain’t Him It’s You!

In comedian-turned-relationship-expert Steve Harvey’s latest book, Straight Talk, No Chaser: How to Find, Keep and Understand a Man, Steve simply states, “We [men] don’t take any pleasure in your being alone, but we’re certainly not going to take the blame for it either.” If you’re a single female, you might find yourself blaming the “lack of eligible bachelors” for your relationship status. However, if you’ve been solo for a while (and not by choice), it might be a good time to take a look at how you might be to blame. Here are five surefire ways to determine if the problem may not be the men you’re dating, but you:

Problem: You have a long list of expectations. It’s completely understandable to look for certain characteristics and traits in men, but it might be a bit over-the-top to have a laundry list of requirements that every man must meet before you even give him the slightest chance. This will not only limit the pool of men you have to choose from, but it will also likely result in you looking for someone who quite possibly doesn’t exist. Solution: Choose three-five key qualities you’d definitely want your future man to have, and look for guys that possess those traits. Allow yourself to be flexible on everything else.

Problem: You think that all of the good men are taken.Maybe your last boyfriend was an asshole, or perhaps you just can’t seem to meet a great guy, but that certainly doesn’t mean they don’t exist. You have to be optimistic in your quest for love.Solution: Be more open when you’re out. You should also consider asking a friend or coworker to hook you up with someone that he or she knows well, trusts and would vouch for.

Problem: You think men are intimidated by you.As Steve Harvey eloquently put it in Straight Talk, No Chaser, “the notion that a guy is ‘intimidated by your success’ is nothing more than an excuse- a convenient way for some women to rationalize why they’re alone.”Solution: If you’ve ever felt that men were intimidated by you, let that “excuse” go. Instead, share your success story- and your desire to find love- with the next man you meet that you like.

Problem: You never seem to meet men.If you go out (say a happy hour or cultural event) at least once a week, and you still can’t seem to meet any worthy men, you might want to reevaluate the vibe you’re giving off. Solution: Men are more likely to talk to an approachable girl so you’ll want to smile and even make eye contact with potential suitors when you’re out and about. You should even ask a friend to critique you on how you react to men in public. Also, consider online dating especially if you don’t live in a major city where you’re more likely to meet people.

Problem: You don’t have time to date.If you’re a single mother, or have a really demanding job, it’s understandable that you might have limited time when it comes to dating. However, if you don’t plan on being single forever, you have to find time.Solution: Make time! Ask a friend to babysit sometimes, or go out on the weekends instead of curling up in front of the TV. Someone once told me, “Being in a relationship is like a full-time job.” If that’s true, then looking for a relationship must be very similar to a job search, which means you have to put in effort to change your current status.