London Mayor Boris Johnson writes a column for The Telegraph. Like any good columnist, he’s writing about the Olympics this week. Johnson’s column is light, like if Rick Reilly or Dave Barry had a British vocabulary. Another sign that he’s a veteran columnist is that his article is in list form. Gotta get list-y. Most of the list is about the decent weather and how Team GB hasn’t been horrible, but towards the end he slips in something about beach volleyball.

As I write these words there are semi-naked women playing beach volleyball in the middle of the Horse Guards Parade immortalised by Canaletto. They are glistening like wet otters and the water is plashing off the brims of the spectators’ sou’westers. The whole thing is magnificent and bonkers.

Again, I don’t know what a lot of those words mean, but the description of the “semi-naked women” “glistening like wet otters” should be bookmarked and used as a pickup line on spring break. Party on, Boris Johnson.