The First Couple of Twitter, Demi Moore (who you may know from the relationship therapy romantic comedy Indecent Proposal, in which she sleeps with a guy for a million Twitter followers) and Ashton Kutcher (who you may know as the actor who sealed his place in the canon of American Thespians with Oscar-winning period drama Dude, Where’s My Car?) recently got a divorce, because Kutcher is a no-good philandering sleazebag lady-seducer, is why. One of the trickier issues of this couple’s divorce, however, is the way Ms. Moore dignified Mr. Kutcher by joining him in digital matrimony…on Twitter…as @MrsKutcher. And if this lady isn’t going to keep John McClane’s last name, why would she keep Kelso’s?

Demi Moore (ne Kutcher) poses the following question, however rhetorically, to the masses. They respond to said rhetorical question the way a hypochondriac takes to peanuts, pollen, or the like: By vomiting excess out into the universe. We are blessed with an abundance of such, but were tasked with finding the best. Please enjoy this exclusive BetaBeat collection of aggregated wisdom for @MrsKutcher. It's the least we could do...for her.

Some people find answers to life's most complex, pressing questions and epic difficulties in the most simple of solutions. For that, we envy them. And also would like to know exactly where they procure their sandwiches.

Often times, the way in is the way out. Like, a door. Or bringing on your new last name early. Which Demi Moore didn't do prior to being married to Ashton Kutcher. But it's worth bringing into the conversational fold regardless.

The second of the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism is: "The origin of suffering is attachment." The third is: "The cessation of suffering is attainable." Ms. Moore's latent attachment, it appears to be suggested here, may be central to whatever suffering she may experience right now. Just a theory.

...what seemed to be the second most-popular consensus for @MrsKutcher: That she change her last name to that of the person—usually, male, in their 20s—respectively Tweeting at her. Long Live Mrs. Steve O.

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