Losing My Best Friends

Once I had a twin brother, now i don't. He was murdered about a month ago. I feel like it's my fault, not directly but he went to get the dog who got out because of me and he never came back. i feel like i set of the chain of events that eventually led to his death. but besides my guilt i feel so lost and confused are very very sad for numerous things which his death has brought. The main thing is I will eventually be alone in this world. once my parents die. I hate not having anyone to talk to. i never realized how much i depended on him for comfort and love and just hanging out. It is so hard knowing that the person i could share almost anything with is forever lost to me. I find myself wanting to share things with him or buy things for him. I miss his smile and his voice. i miss fighting with him. Our twenty-third birthday is coming up and all i want to do is crawl under my bed and never come out. I would rather be with both my brothers in heaven than face a birthday where i will be older then they ever will be. Being the girl in the family i always looked to my brothers for protection and advice and now its just me and mom and dad and the dog... I hate this feeling. this heart wrenching pain

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