Furthermore! – The GOP’s Problem Is Not Their Lipstick

Judging by his letter yesterday to House Republicans, Speaker John Boehner didn’t learn the lesson of this year’s elections. The GOP’s problem is not their lipstick. (More)

I’m not an expert on lipstick. Mrs. Squirrel doesn’t wear any because her lips – like most squirrels’ lips – look just lovely framed by whiskers and that adorable patch of white fur beneath her nose. But I digress. The topic of lipstick arose when our twins, Nancy and Michelle, watched an animated movie.

“Would you like a pet warthog, dad?” Nancy asked.

“No, sweetie,” I said. “Real warthogs aren’t like the one in that movie.”

“What if we put red lipstick on him?” Michelle suggested.

I chuckled. “No, sorry. I don’t want a warthog.”

“What if we put pink lipstick on him?” Nancy pressed.

Several minutes and lipstick shades later, Michelle’s whiskers twitched in understanding. “So the problem isn’t the lipstick, but the warthog?”

“Exactly,” I said. “Now you can explain politics to Speaker John Boehner.”

Mrs. Squirrel had another movie ready by then, so I didn’t have time to explain to the girls about Speaker Boehner’s letter to House Republicans yesterday, titled “The Value of a Majority.” You can probably estimate the Nuttitude Quotient just from the title, or you could if you had my NQ formula. Which you don’t, because I haven’t finished my thesis yet. But again, I digress.

The gist of Speaker Boehner’s missive is that House Republicans and Republican state governors are now the last line of defense upholding a “banner of freedom, economic opportunity and limited government.” He claims voters elected him and his Republican colleagues to force President Obama and Senate Democrats to lower tax rates and close loopholes, roll back regulations, chip away at Obamacare, and cut spending.

Speaker Boehner is convinced Republicans can win in 2014, and in 2016, if they continue to obstruct President Obama and Senate Democrats while retooling Republicans’ election tactics and “reaching potential voters from all walks of life.” As an example, he cites the possibility of immigration reform …

And then there are women. O’Reilly says “Abortion is settled law in the USA but it should be discouraged because human DNA is present upon conception.”

Well, guess what, Bill. Human DNA is also present in hair follicles, and skin cells. Should we discourage tweezing eyebrows and shaving calluses? You can also find human DNA in teeth. Should we ban dentistry? While we’re on the topic, sperm is “essentially a blob of DNA with a tail,” but I haven’t heard Republicans push for laws against men masturbating. Just sayin’.

That story out of Ireland is both sickening and horrifying. I don’t care what the law says, that was medical malpractice of the worst kind.

As for the rest, I agree: it’s going to take more than lipstick to fix this warthog. I cracked up when you told Michelle she could now explain politics to Boehner. Betcha she could, because he sure doesn’t seem to get it. Especially about the people having spoken.

addisnana

Given the incredible antics of the GOP I don’t think your thesis on Nutitude will ever be finished and not from a lack of material, or a lack of will on your part. The Republicans are a veritable fountain of Nutitude.

I think someone should put the Republicans in a time out until they decide what they really stand for. They are on a slippery slope to permanent irrelevance which is just two exits past Nutitude. Either that or they are going around the clover leaf of ‘values’ in search of a winning line for 2014 and a candidate for 2016.