Robin lets the whole wedding go through, but just as Lucy is about to pronounce Patrick and Sabrina bride and groom, Emma spots her mother. Anna and Robert try to talk each other into/out of killing Faison, respectively. She wins, apparently. Luke arranges to meet Jerry at the Metro Court restaurant, where Jerry and Bobbie run into Carly. She pleads with Luke to trade the cure for her mother, but Luke doesn't think Jerry will follow through with the deal, so he threatens to drop it off the roof. Britt comes close to telling Nikolas that Brad isn't Ben's father, but she backs down because she's a BIG CHICKEN, BAWK BAWK BAWK.

Thank you, show, for not only replaying the Anna/Robin reunion scene last week, but for basically recreating it with Robin and Emma. And thank you, Internet, for this.

Also, Brooklyn Silzer is just the best.

Luke, if Carly thinks your plan is bad, YOUR PLAN IS REALLY BAD. And remember, threatening to drop things off of roofs rarely works out well on this show. Just ask Heather.

In other news, NIKOLAS STILL THINKS BRAD IS BEN'S FATHER. Moron.

December 3rd, 2013

Patrick and Robin have a long, slow reunion at the back of the church while Sabrina's world shatters at the front. It gets especially bad for her when her groom kisses a woman who isn't her. Robin sends Patrick after her, promising that she's not mad that he moved on, but it's pretty clear that he's not going to be spending tonight with his new "wife." Luke continues to call Jerry's bluff, so Jerry has no choice but to let Bobbie go. But Luke still won't give him the cure, determined to give it to Sean, even though he knows he can just have another dose made. Jerry tackles him and they both go over the side of the building. Luke manages to hold on to the ledge (of course), but Jerry ends up on the ground. By the time Luke gets down to him, he's gone, thanks to an assist from Julian, who's going to help him leave town in exchange for a favor to be named later. Anna keeps the news about Faison's fate to herself, then inadvertently distracts Duke by telling him that Derek is Julian. He wants to kill his boss, but Anna talks him out of it. Sonny and Shawn consider going after Ava, since Julian's untouchable. Julian takes a perverse kind of glee in the idea (though, let's be honest, every thought Julian has is perverse) and taunts his sister about it. But Sonny has a different idea, involving Duke.

I didn't think I would feel sorry for Sabrina, just because I like Robin and Patrick together so much, but Teresa Castillo sold it for me.

Jerry knows Julian? Does he know EVERY villain on the show? That's probably it for him this time around, but I like how this has been left open. They can claim he wound up with the cure, and then he can return later when Julian needs him for something.

It would've been funny if Duke hadn't found out about Julian, and wondered why Sonny wanted to see him. "Did I...do something bad?"

December 4th, 2013

Sabrina is willing to step aside and let Robin have Patrick, but he's not ready to choose between them yet. Robin is upset about not being picked automatically (though Anna kind of warned her that that might happen), so she won't go home with Patrick. Sabrina takes off, still wearing her wedding dress, and ends up in Carlos' arms. Sonny offers a job (to be kept a secret from Anna) so they can take down Julian together. Carly shares the news of Julian's non-death with Bobbie, who doesn't think he knows that Lucas is his son. Meanwhile, Julian asks Sam for another chance, but she refuses to be a part of her life, adding that she thinks Lucas will want the same thing. Julian doesn't know who Lucas is, but now his interest is piqued.

It's refreshing that two women who are, for all intents and purposes, rivals don't hate each other, and in fact are sympathetic to each other. I wonder if Patrick's considered moving to Utah and trying the whole sister-wives thing. And isn't it ironic that he almost had two wives tonight, and is still going home alone?

Points to Carlos for not saying "I told you so." (Well, yet.)

Speaking of which, my mom gets to say that because she predicted that Sonny would try to team up with Duke.

Yay, someone finally mentioned the Rivera connection! If only Juan had stuck around; he might have been able to answer some of Sonny's questions.

December 5th, 2013

Maxie plans to kill herself at Georgie's grave, partly to keep herself from further complicating people's lives and partly because she thinks it'll atone for her role in Robin's "death." Georgie's ghost tries to reason with her, but realizes that Maxie can't see or hear her this time. Robin goes to the cemetery to look at her own memorial plaque and finds Maxie before she can take any pills. Sabrina wakes up hungover in Carlos' bed, but they didn't do anything. He tries to convince her that her relationship with Patrick is over. Meanwhile, Felix tells Patrick that she's MIA and urges him to contact her. When Patrick calls her, she ignores him and instead tells Felix where she is, swearing him to secrecy. Patrick cracks him and heads over to Carlos', arriving just in time to (of course) see him kissing Sabrina. Anna thinks Patrick will choose Robin, but both of them know that things might never go back to the way they used to be. Mac gets to practice giving Maxie the news about Robin by telling Ellie. Later, Ellie gets a disturbing phone call from an unnamed source. Sonny wants Shawn to look into Carlos to find out if he's related to Lily. If he's not, he's dead.

I can't decide if I should be appalled at the P.S. in Maxie's suicide note about makeup and jewelry, or if I should be proud of the writers for sticking it in there, since it's so completely Maxie.

Work is exactly the last place Patrick should have gone today. "Hi, I'm Dr. Drake, and I'll be cutting into your brain today. I'm a little tired; I was up all night thinking about the ball of chaos that my life has become." "Nurse, why is my doctor crying?"

Hmm, Felix, where do you think your fake alibi for Sabrina went wrong? Do you think it was when you started describing an episode of Seinfeld?

It's weird hearing Ellie call Mac "Mr. Scorpio," after he was Commissioner Scorpio for so long.

Also, Ellie's phone call better lead to something interesting. Like a plot.

December 6th, 2013

Maxie thinks Robin's a ghost, but once Robin slaps her to get her to stop thinking she's crazy, Maxie gets it. Robin gives her encouragement, pointing out that if she could survive almost two years away from Emma, Maxie can survive six months away from Lil' Connie. Maxie gives her encouragement back, telling her to fight for Robin. Robin takes her advice and goes to see Sabrina. Patrick and Carlos fight over how Patrick's a cad and Carlos is a jerk and blah blah blah, it ends with Sabrina ditching both of them and Patrick punching Carlos. Ava testifies that A.J. told her he wanted to kill Connie the night she was murdered. Next, a ballistics expert confirms that the Quartermaines' gun was the murder weapon, but Diane chooses not to question him, wanting to let the jury know that his testimony isn't important. She also tries to rest her case without calling any witnesses, which A.J. objects to. Carly uses her history with her own father to try to convince Franco not to give up on having a relationship with his. Heather lures him away from the hotel so she can stab Carly. Ellie got a job offer in Oregon, and Spinelli can see moving there with her and Lil' Connie. According to Shawn's research, Carlos isn't related to Lily, so by Sonny's logic, they can kill him. (Patrick will be pleased.)

Haven't they changed the baby's name yet?

I get Diane's strategy, but she might need to spell things out for the jury. They might not be as bright as she's giving them credit for.

If L.A. Law exists in this universe, who played Arnie Becker? See, as funny as Carly's comment was supposed to be, it doesn't really make sense.

I hope this doesn't mean Ellie's leaving. I really like Emily Wilson.

Fun fact of the week: Kurt in last night's Sound of Music production was played by Maura West's son.

Scorecard:Left town: Jerry Jacks
Presumed dead: Cesar Faison (you know it has to be presumed; never trust that that weasel is actually dead)

Week in review:Funniest moment (intentional): Silas: "I don't really like any of you guys" (Sam thought it was funny, too)
Funniest moment (unintentional): Nikolas hopping over the footboard of his bed completely ungracefully
Saddest moment: All the love-triangle stuff
Sweetest/cutest moment: Too many to count
Least believable moment: Slapping Maxie seemed out of character and over the top for Robin
Best instance of continuity: Carly's relationship with her father
Worst instance of continuity: Sabrina gave Patrick her rings back, but later she was wearing her engagement ring
Hero of the week: Georgie's ghost
Most annoying character: Brad. He didn't even really do anything annoying, but he just bugs me in general
Smartest character: Julian, for making sure he can call on Jerry for a favor in the future
Dumbest character: Patrick, for being all macho and pretty much guaranteeing that Sabrina would get mad at him
Best/most memorable moments of the week: 1. Robin and Patrick reuniting (obviously)
2. Robin straightening Patrick's tie, just like a wife would
3. "Daddy? Sabrina's crying"
4. Ava playing dumb about knowing who Jerry is

The week in a nutshell:

With 99 percent of the wedding complete, Emma spotted Robin and alerted everyone to her presence. Robin reunited with a bunch of people, including Patrick, who hasn't yet decided whether he wants to be with her or Sabrina.

Maxie came close to killing herself, but was interrupted when Robin found her.

Luke rescued Bobbie from Jerry, who sent him over the side of the Metro Court. Luke was fine, and though Jerry was hurt, he wasn't too hurt to get a ride out of town, with help from Julian.

Anna appears to have killed Faison, but only Robert knows.

A.J.'s trial is nearing an end (too quickly for his tastes).

Sam mentioned Lucas to Julian, but he doesn't know who that is.

Ellie and Spinelli are contemplating a move to Oregon.

Sonny offered Duke a job with his organization so they can take Julian down together. He also wants to kill Carlos to send a message to Julian.

Robin asks Sabrina to step aside so she, Patrick, and Emma can be a family again. Franco catches Heather before she can kill Carly, then stabs her with her own knife. He rushes to move her body and almost gets caught by Diane. Maxie urges Spinelli and Ellie to move to Portland, since having Lil' Connie in another state will help her stay away. Carlos would be more than happy to go up against Patrick, but he may not live long enough to do so, since Sonny and Shawn are going to kill him as soon as he digs his own grave. A.J. fires Diane so he can testify on his own behalf, though his testimony doesn't exactly help him. Patrick is still confused, and as much as she'd like to, Epiphany can't help him very much.

Oh, Robin, desperation is not a good color on you.

I've never seen Dexter, but I imagine Franco is now Dexter, yes?

In broad daylight, guys? You're better mobsters than this.

I can't believe no one's brought up the fact that the A.J. Connie wrote might not mean A.J. Quartermaine.

December 10th, 2013

Thanks to a lack of evidence, A.J.'s acquitted, even though the jury thinks he's guilty. Tracy and Luke have to end their celebration over Luke and Sean's good health (apparently Luke held on to the cure after all) and A.J.'s conviction, but not before pointing out that Michael went to prison for defending Carly and Josslyn, but A.J. was freed despite probably being guilty. A.J.'s feelings are hurt, so he drinks. Just before Shawn can put a bullet in his head, Carlos starts insisting that he is, in fact, Lily's brother. It's just that no one ever mentioned him, and his father couldn't pass down the organization because he wasn't a legitimate heir. Sonny decides to kidnap him and wait until he can prove or disprove Carlos' claims. Franco moves Heather's body to the cemetery, where Carlos has already conveniently dug a grave. But after he leaves, her arm emerges, so either she's a zombie or she wasn't dead after all. Sam admits to a furious Carly that she mentioned Lucas to Julian. Meanwhile, Julian puzzles over the name and decides to do some research. Scott's ticked about losing A.J.'s case and feeling alone, so when Lucy comes over to bug him about pushing Franco away, he decides to seduce her. Sam learns that Carly's seeing Franco and tells her she's as nuts as he is.

I'm not sure how the jury could have decided there was a lack of evidence considering there's no way they actually looked at all of it in that short amount of time.

Sonny and Shawn were just going to leave that grave there? Weird.

I'm confused about the mob's rules of inheriting territory. You have to be a legitimate child to get your father's business? Really?

Speaking of legitimacy, Julian, you can't mock Ava for being illegitimate when you have two kids with two different women you were never married to, one of whom was a one-night stand.

Noooooooo! Boo to Lucy and Scott! Boo to the writers for taking them there! Booooooooo to all of you!

December 11th, 2013

Patrick still hasn't chosen between Robin and Sabrina, so Robin goes to the hospital to ask Sabrina again to step aside. But Felix has gotten her to change her mind, and Sabrina tells Robin that Patrick has to be the one to make the decision. News of the end of Lucy and Kevin's marriage has been greatly exaggerated, as Kevin now wants his wife back. Lucy hides while Kevin talks to Scott, who's probably not going to be very helpful about helping them reconnect, since he wants Lucy for himself. Franco keeps mum about his mom (geddit?), then goes to see Kevin. Robert and Anna are all super-sneaky, as if it would be weird for them to be seen in public together. Duke finds them, though, and blasts Robert for keeping the truth about Julian secret (while keeping his own secret about his secret new job with Sonny). Elizabeth bugs Nikolas about his relationship with Britt again, and he tells her that they're a couple. Patrick has to explain to Emma how polygamy is illegal.

I'm Team Robin, of course, but she's...kind of a jerk.

Has Robert gone to see Emma yet?

Also, why hasn't Carly had a run-in with Robin yet? What do I have to do to make that happen?

Love the callback to the painting, which we were only told was purchased by someone at Wyndemere.

December 12th, 2013

Apparently Carly has been under a rock for the past month, as she had no idea that all the custody stuff went down. Lulu fills her in, still blaming Dante, while Dante talks the situation over with Sonny. Both Carly and Sonny encourage them to lean on each other. Somehow, Dante goes from there to suggesting that he and Lulu have another baby. Maxie and Sam talk to Robin and Spinelli about Spinelli and Ellie's possible move, which Maxie still supports. Spinelli decides to make the move to Portland. Franco's worried that his recent homicidal actions mean his tumor wasn't really to blame for his past criminal inclinations. Kevin points out that he was within his rights to kill someone who was in his home with a weapon. However, the fact that he hid the body makes things a little more complicated. Lucy wants to tell Kevin that she slept with Scott, but he changes her mind by pointing out that Kevin would never let them stay friends. Robin tells Maxie where the Patrick/Sabrina situation stands, and Maxie says that Sabrina has the better idea, because when Patrick inevitably chooses Robin, Robin will know it's because he really wants to be with her, not because Sabrina bowed out.

Waaaah, Bradford Anderson and Emily Wilson are really leaving! Don't take the cute baby with you! Leave her with Sam!

Heh, thanks, Robin, for laughing with me over "Spinelli and Ellie."

I'm thinking Kevin should stay away from addiction counseling, because his idea that relapsing once isn't a big deal is kind of a problem.

Lucy, stop listening to Scott. When has that ever done you any good?

December 13th, 2013

Dante talks Lulu into trying to have another child, and it looks like everything is fine between them now. They go to GH to check on their embryos, but Ellie discovers that they're missing. Nikolas, Britt, and Spencer are becoming a happy little family, I guess, so now Britt feels the need to tell Nikolas the truth about Ben. And since this happens right when Dante and Lulu are discovering the missing embryows, there has to be a connection. Ellie's new job wants her to start work tomorrow, which means she and Spinelli have to go to Portland ASAP, even though it would be perfectly reasonable for her to go out there alone while he wrapped things up in New York. Maxie tells Mac and Felicia that Lil' Connie is moving, but she still finds it hard to face Christmas alone. She's surprised by a visit from Spinelli and Lil' Connie before they leave town. Olivia apologizes to Sonny for keeping Dante from him as a child. It's okay, though, because Sonny gets to hang out with Spencer. Molly and T.J. call out Rafe and Taylor on their fake relationship, but it backfires, because now the latter couple knows the former two are jealous. Silas brings Sam a Christmas tree and they decorate it together. Apparently Danny's in timeout and isn't allowed to participate.

As much as I think Dante and Lulu's reconciliation happened too quickly, I'm not going to complain, because I was sick of the two of them fighting.

I guess I have to take back what I said about the "Ben is Lulu and Dante's!" theorists being crazy, because it looks like they're right.

Holy cow, someone remembered that Sonny and Spencer are related! Though I imagine it only happened because they needed a kid for Sonny to interact with. Also, Britt, please don't ever ask why Nikolas and Sonny hate each other. It'll lead to a conversation about a person whose name I never want to hear again.

Am I a bad person for wishing that Morgan had seen Sonny and Spencer together and started whining that Sonny likes his nephew more than his son?

Ew, Nikolas, never use "hiding Christmas presents" as a euphemism for sex.

Week in review:Funniest moments (intentional): "If it makes you feel better, I like your art better than I like your mother's"; Spencer would like a stepmother, but he'll take an Xbox; Sam teasing Santa Silas that he should have known that Danny was napping because Santa's supposed to know when you're sleeping
Funniest moment (unintentional): Laundry carts: the transportation method of choice in Port Charles
Saddest moment: Dante crying over Lil' Connie
Sweetest/cutest moment: Sonny being so sympathetic over Dante crying over Lil' that he started crying, too
Least believable moment: No way did the jury finish deliberating that quickly
Best instances of continuity: P.K. Sinclair was Faison's pen name decades ago; Sonny is Spencer's uncle
Worst instance of continuity: Nikolas got the crap beaten out of him three days ago but looks fine
Hero of the week: John J. York, for wearing those reindeer antlers for an entire episode
Most annoying character: Lulu, who still refuses to take any responsibility for perjuring herself
Smartest character: Carlos, for his successful Hail Mary pass (or, more accurately, his Hail Lily pass)
Dumbest character: Unfortunately, I have to go with Kevin, for not being worried enough over the fact that Franco killed someone
Best/most memorable moment of the week: Heather's hand coming out of the dirt

The week in a nutshell:

The Robin/Patrick/Sabrina love triangle is no closer to being concluded.

Ellie accepted the job in Portland, and she, Spinelli, and Lil' Connie have to leave town right away.

Franco stabbed Heather to keep her from hurting Carly, then buried her in the cemetery. She's not dead.

Dante and Lulu decided to try to have another baby, but the fact that their frozen embryos are missing isn't going to make it easy.

Scott and Lucy slept together mere hours before Kevin decided that he wanted to give his and Lucy's marriage another go.

A.J. was acquitted but felt bad about it, so yay, more drinking!

Britt decided for the 15th time to come clean about Ben's paternity.

Sonny wanted to kill Carlos, but Carlos used his supposed connection to Lily (he claims she was his sister) to gain a stay of execution.

December 14th, 2013

Next week: I cry in a corner because Spinelli's leaving.

December 16th, 2013

Maxie and Spinelli say a bittersweet goodbye before he, Ellie, and the baby leave town. Also, Lil' Connie is now Lil' Georgie. Britt tells Nikolas that she used a sperm donor from the hospital's collection to get pregnant. He's all, "Oh, that's it? No problem!" Meanwhile, Ellie tells Lulu and Dante that the only people with access to their embryos were her, Brad, and Britt. They decide to question Britt, but she doesn't answer her phone since she's busy getting it on with Nikolas, so they go to Brad instead. Duke changes his mind about working with Sonny, since he doesn't want to be on the opposite side of the law from Anna. But when Julian shows up demanding to know where Carlos is and threatening to kill Anna or Dante if Sonny tries to hide behind them, Duke changes his mind again so he can protect his girlfriend. Obrecht really wants to talk to Faison, and is pretty sure Anna killed him. Felix enlists Brad to play an elf while he plays Santa (so take that, Megyn Kelly!), and I'd really like Lucas to hurry up and get here so Felix can be with someone who's actually nice.

That baby better come back when Maxie's six months are up. I need that cuteness.

Writers, you're going to have to try a lot harder if you ever want me to like Britt. SHE'S STILL LYING.

Go away, Obrecht. Why aren't we done with her?

Don't you think Mac would make a good Santa? Why doesn't he ever get asked?

December 17th, 2013

Brad tries to play innocent with Dante and Lulu, but they're pretty sure he wouldn't have outed Lil' Georgie's paternity for no reason, so they know they can't trust him. Brad then goes to Wyndemere to see Britt but instead encounters Nikolas, who says that Britt told him everything about Ben's paternity (though Brad knows she clearly didn't). Meanwhile, Obrecht summons Britt to the police station, threatening to spill the truth about Ben's paternity if she doesn't show up within the hour and get her released. Things get worse for Britt when Brad lets her know that the Falconeris know about the missing embryos. But things get better for us because we finally find out who Ben's father is: Dante. (And his real mother is Lulu.) Julian and Ava don't know where Sonny's stashed Carlos, but Morgan has a plan. He approaches Molly, who's just dumped T.J., and puts the idea in her head that T.J. could be in danger because of his association with Shawn. She agrees to get back together with him so he'll listen to her when she asks him to keep an eye on Shawn, and Morgan can come back to her later to find out where he's been. Though it would be a lot easier if he would just follow T.J., since he's already been to the warehouse where Shawn's holding Carlos. Duke gives Julian his letter of resignation, which probably wasn't necessary, but at least now it looks like he's not involved in the Corinthos/Jerome war.

You win this time, conspiracy theorists.

Okay, I like looking at Tyler Christopher's chest as much as the next person, but even this is overkill. It's December in upstate New York. PUT ON A SHIRT.

Obrecht knows she's a kidnapper, right? I highly doubt Britt will be able to get her released.

When did Morgan get so smart? Seriously, it had to have happened overnight. That plan is ingenious. Evil, but ingenious.

It's hard to find Duke intimidating after seeing him dancing with Emma in a tutu. Points for using the word "gormless," though.

December 18th, 2013

Britt attempts to keep Obrecht quiet, though it sounds like Obrecht has been planning all along to make it look like Britt didn't know about the embryos. Britt's also more worried about making Nikolas mad than about going to jail. Meanwhile, Lulu goes to Wyndemere looking for her but instead unknowingly meets her son for the first time. Felix urges Brad to do the right thing again and find out what happened to the embryos. Instead, Brad draws up fake paperwork making it look like Ellie destroyed the embryos. T.J. expresses his worries to Shawn that working for Sonny could put him in danger. Having seen Julian at the lakehouse, asking Alexis about Carlos, Molly's even more concerned and pushes T.J. to make a move. T.J. steals Shawn's warehouse keys and heads over to check things out. He encounters Carlos and frees him, but before Carlos can leave, he runs into a stunt extra Corinthos employee and has to fight him, which means he's still there when Sonny and Shawn return. Oh, and Shawn's found out that Carlos and Lily weren't related, so now he's free game. Julian asks Alexis about Lucas, recalling that she used DNA from an unnamed family member for Sam's paternity test. Alexis keeps her mouth shut, then warns Bobbie that Julian's getting closer to the truth. Duke has a super-awful poker face about working for Sonny.

People getting coal for Christmas: Obrecht, Britt, Brad, everyone currently at the warehouse (other than T.J.).

So if anything happens to T.J., we all agree that it's Morgan's fault, right? I guess he gets coal, too, then.

I'm glad they mentioned that one of the embryos wasn't viable, because I'd just realized that the third was unaccounted for.

I know I'm supposed to hate Julian, and not want him and Alexis to get together, but I am soooooooo weak.

December 19th, 2013

Carlos grabs T.J. as a human shield and attempts to leave the warehouse without Sonny or Shawn shooting him. Then Max arrives and it's a party. Molly goes to Ava's to tell Morgan that she's worried about T.J. – and oh, yeah, he's at Sonny's warehouse. Morgan and Julian head over to make it a true standoff. Patrick decides to let Robin move back into the house while he continues trying to choose between her and Sabrina. Robin talks things over with Anna again; Anna can relate to Patrick's dilemma because she loves both Duke and Robert. Meanwhile, Sam sympathizes with Patrick and urges him to make up his mind so everyone can move on. By the end of the episode, he's at Sabrina's. Silas gets a phone call from the NYPD that causes him to panic and alert Ava. So I guess they did something illegal back in New York and he wants to keep Sam from finding out about it. Julian witnesses Bobbie getting a phone call from Lucas, so Luke pretends that he pocket-dialed her. Felix tries to keep Sabrina optimistic about Patrick.

Oh, crap. Be careful, Max! You're expendable!

Placing my bet right now: Patrick's going to pick Robin, but when it's time for Kimberly McCullough to leave again, it'll be because she's realized he should be with Sabrina.

Bobbie and Luke might get a little breathing room if they told Julian that Lucky's name is also Lucas.

Remember how Steven and Maggie used to talk in vague terms about something bad that happened back in Memphis, and it turned out they killed a guy? Why do I suspect that that's what's going on with Ava and Silas?

I think we saw every character's phone today.

December 20th, 2013

Stupid press conference interrupting the show. Why do they always have press conferences at 2 p.m.?? Anyway, everything's pushed back a day now, so we have to wait until next week to find out who Patrick chose, and who gets out of the warehouse alive. I hate waiting! Whatever, here's the weekly wrap-up:

Week in review:Funniest moment (intentional): Felix nothing that Sabrina can't regift the watch she got Patrick since it has his initials on it
Funniest moment (unintentional): While people were talking about Lucas and Ben, who currently have secret paternities, "What Child is This?" was playing in Kelly's
Saddest moment: Maxie and Spinelli's goodbyes
Sweetest/cutest moment: One last cute award to Lil' Georgie
Least believable moment: I guess Molly doesn't know that Morgan's working with Julian?
Best instance of continuity: the stuffed koalas Robert gave Emma keep popping up
Worst instance of continuity: Britt supposedly didn't get pregnant until February, but by the Nurses' Ball in April, she was showing
Hero of the week: T.J., not that it got him very far
Most annoying character: Obrecht
Smartest character: Morgan (you'll probably never see that name in this category again)
Dumbest character: Britt, who really, really needs some sort of plan
Previously unanswered question now answered: Ben's father is Dante (and his real mother is Lulu).
Unanswered question of the week:What crime did Silas and/or Ava commit in New York?
Things we learned this week: Felix and Taylor are from North Carolina.
Best/most memorable moment of the week: Maxie and Spinelli's goodbyes

The week in a nutshell:

Carlos' disappearance became a turning point in the Corinthos/Jerome war, and Morgan targeted Molly as a potential ally (though she had no idea that's what he was doing). T.J. also got involved and is now in a standoff with Sonny, Julian, Morgan, Shawn, and Max.

Patrick's just about ready to choose between Robin and Sabrina.

Spinelli took Lil' Georgie (previously Lil' Connie) to see Maxie before they left town with Ellie.

Obrecht and Britt let the audience (but no one else) know that Ben is really Dante and Lulu's child. Brad came close to spilling the truth but decided to keep going with the lie.

Silas was spooked by a call from the NYPD, and he and Ava are hiding something.

Duke decided for sure that he wants to work with Sonny to bring down Julian.

Julian kept up his Lucas search, almost figuring out that he has a connection to Bobbie.

December 21st, 2013

Next week: Merry Christmas! Do you know how to get blood out of clothes?

December 23rd, 2013

Julian starts a gunfight, which leads to Sonny shooting Carlos, Shawn escaping with T.J., Carlos slinking off to Sabrina's, and Julian running out of ammo. Ultimately, Sonny and Morgan end up in a faceoff, which Sonny tries to end by lowering his weapon. Julian urges Morgan to shoot his father, saying that Sonny would have shot first if he'd had the chance. Morgan's so tense that when Max moves towards him, he accidentally shoots him. Anna gets called to the warehouse, but by then only Sonny and Max are there. Sonny lies that he accidentally shot Max, which Anna knows is bull since there are bullet casings everywhere. However, she has no choice but to arrest Sonny. Patrick tells Sabrina that he's going back to Robin, so Merry Christmas, Nurse Santiago! Then he goes home to his family, finally. Silas continues to dodge phone calls from the NYPD so we can pretend this is a real storyline. Diane warns Ava that the NYPD is trying to get in touch with her, but she thinks it's because of Franco's fraud. Santa Robert delivers presents and grumblings about Patrick. T.J. is definitely not on board with Shawn's job. Rafe needs a new, non-injurious way of dealing with Molly and T.J.'s relationship.

While Morgan was upset about shooting Max, I kept thinking that Julian was confused about human emotions. "What is that water coming from your eyes?"

So Julian and Morgan come in, Diane reveals that Max was shot, and Molly confirms that the guys were at the warehouse...but doesn't think they had anything to do with the shooting? I thought Molly was supposed to be smart.

"You didgerididn't." Robin, this is why Patrick picked you.

Remember when there were doctors on this show, and oncologists didn't have to deal with traumas in the emergency room?

December 26th, 2013

It's Christmas, but only the Drakes are happy. (Well, and Michael and Kiki, but no one cares about them.) Despite the didgeridoos and the fact that Robin isn't as good a present buyer as Sabrina, the family's back together, and Robin has her wedding ring back. Sonny spends Christmas in lockup, sticking to his story that he accidentally shot Max. Michael's figured out the truth (so has Obrecht, who is inexplicably still on this show) and confronts Morgan, as does Dante once he realizes it out ten hours later. Britt offers to help Lulu and Dante get back in the surrogacy game. Ava gives herself a present when she messes with A.J.'s head, telling him he can confess to her anything he feels like getting off his chest. Carlos guilts Sabrina into letting him stay with her so he can hide from Sonny.

Whose idea was it to bookend the episode with Obrecht? "Merry Christmas – here's a lot of a character no one likes!"

Is it common knowledge that Sonny and Olivia are back together? Diane mentioned it, but no one else has. I really wanted to see Dante's reaction when he heard about it.

It's New Year's Eve, and everyone's thinking toward the future – namely about babies and living arrangements. Maxie announces that she's leaving town temporarily, on an Eat Pray Love-like journey, but first she has to say goodbye to Lulu. Speaking of Lulu, she's made up her mind about trying surrogacy again, and even wants Britt to head things up. Nikolas has just asked Britt to officially move in, but her pesky conscience keeps her from accepting. Once she confirms that Lulu doesn't hate her, she takes Nikolas up on his offer. Felix comes home early and immediately starts complaining about how Patrick ditched Sabrina. Then he starts complaining about how Sabrina's been harboring a fugitive for a week. Sam admits to Patrick that she and Silas haven't slept together yet, which makes sense, since they haven't even had a full date yet. Talk turns to children, since Danny's there, and Patrick confides that after spending part of the year thinking that he was going to be a father again, he feels a little let down. Sam points out that he has his wife back, so Patrick brings up the subject of another child with Robin. It may happen sooner than he thinks, though, since Felix thinks Sabrina could be pregnant. A possibly sick patient who's been keeping his medical problems from his wife makes Silas realize that lying to your significant other is actually a bad thing.

When Maxie saw Eat Pray Love, did she find anyone in it familiar? Anyone she might have slept with once? Who's now played by someone else. Okay, I'll dumb it down: James Franco was in Eat Pray Love.

If anyone's wondering why Maxie's leaving for a few months, they didn't bother to disguise it today. Like, I know putting pregnant actresses in black is an attempt to hide the pregnancy, but it's not 100 percent effective.

Aw, man, I wanted Robin to meet Danny.

Just in case Sabrina is pregnant, I'll say this now: Patrick, do you EVER use protection?

CPO Hicks was played by a real Naval officer. I was impressed – if I hadn't known he wasn't an actor, I wouldn't have guessed it.

Morgan shot Max, then ran away like a coward. Sonny told Anna that he shot Max accidentally, landing himself in jail for Christmas. Sonny really did shoot Carlos, who hid out at Sabrina's.

Patrick chose Robin, giving Sabrina the bad news on Christmas Eve. She may not be alone for long, though, since Felix thought her upset stomach was actually morning sickness.

Lulu and Dante decided to try to have another baby.

Maxie's leaving town for a few months.

Ava taunted A.J. about being found not guilty despite everyone being pretty sure that he's guilty.

Patrick wants another child.

Silas might finally tell Sam whatever it is that happened in New York.

December 28th, 2013

Next week: Hot cop alert! This is not a drill!

December 30th, 2013

Robin says no to another baby, at least for now, and suggests that she and Patrick renew their vows instead. But he'll be getting that baby anyway, because Sabrina is, in fact, pregnant. Lulu can't forgive Maxie yet, but they're closer to getting their friendship back on track. Dante has a long conversation with Britt about IVF, but the real purpose is so that he can spend the episode with Ben. Lulu starts the process again, but it looks like something's wrong. Monica's mad that Silas is on a list of potential chiefs of staff, even though he didn't submit his name and has nothing to do with the whole thing and she really needs to back off. Anyway, their confrontation keeps him from telling Sam what happened in New York. Maxie has a mystery visitor. A hot mystery visitor.

Sabrina should have told Felix to say the pregnancy test was for Taylor, because...seriously.

New rule: I get a quarter every time someone starts to tell the truth about something but gets interrupted or chickens out.

I agree that Monica should get her job back, and that the way she was removed was ridiculous (and probably illegal), but man. Stop being a jerk, Monica.

Hello, attractive new character. You have yet to say a word and I already welcome you with open arms.