Bournemouth v Everton: Player Ratings

A first Everton goal for Funes Mori, another one for Rom, a 95th minute goal and a pitch invasion. All the makings of a fine win, right? So what happened? Well, Everton happened. It turned out to be an absolutely mental 3-3 draw. Like properly mental, like one of those mad Everton related dreams you have the day after being on the ale. You know the ones, George Clooney and your Uncle Mike are up front and some lad from work is at left back. Unfortunately this one actually happened though and we all aged 17 years in 90 minutes. Don’t go changing, Everton.

TIM HOWARDIf you’ve missed your Twitter timeline being full of videos/photos of Howard failing to collect crosses with that ‘monkey hiding his eyes’ emoji thing, then you were in luck this weekend. 5/10

SEAMUS COLEMANPretty solid all match. May or may not of been at fault for Bournemouth’s third, I was too busy trying to put my head back on after Barkley’s goal to see it, and theres not a fucking chance I was watching the highlights to find out. 6/10

JOHN STONESHim being part of defence that conceded three goals obviously isn’t great like, but is he getting better every week? I’m pretty sure he’s getting better every week. 7/10

FUNES MORII’m not going to lie, I’m a little disappointed he didn’t cry when he scored. He looks the type. I’ll take a massive knee slide towards the home fans though. Also, my new favourite Funes Mori thing is him booting the ball 50 yards up and out of play even if it so much as goes near the touchline. 7/10

BRENDAN GALLOWAYLooked a lot like a centre-back playing left back, which to be fair, he is. 6/10

GARETH BARRYSolid as usual. Let his usually high snidey-standards slip by letting Bournemouth take that free-kick early for their second goal though. 6/10

JAMES McCARTHYWas exceptional until he had to go off injured, the fact we were 2-0 up with 20 minutes to go when he went off speaks volumes. It’s terrifying how poor we look without him on the pitch. 8/10

GERARD DEULOFEUWas a constant pain in the arse for Bournemouth’s defenders. Got another assist, and furthermore it was another assist for Lukaku – thats 5 this season now. Yes, you read that correctly by the way, that was a stat, it was nicked of the BBC website like, but it was a stat all the same. 7/10

ROSS BARKLEYAnother goal for Ross, another boss celebration. Don’t let any of the cool kids tell you that pitch invasions aren’t great by the way, fans getting on the pitch and rugby tackling players or slipping straight on their arse during the celebrations is still the best thing in football. Bournemouth being a bit rubbish doesn’t really make a difference. Anyway… 7/10

AROUNA KONEFirst half good, second half not so much. Have you ever tried running in a swimming pool? Because this was how he was running for the last half an hour. 6/10

ROMELU LUKAKUHad one big chance and he took it. Basically, get the ball to him in the box and we’ll win a lot more matches than we’ll lose. Easy this management lark. 7/10

SUBSTITUTES:

TOM CELEVERLYShould of come on a lot earlier to be honest. 6/10

AARON LENNONNo idea what he did, I had my head firmly buried in my hands at that point. I’ll just give him 5, yeah, that’ll be fine. 5/10

DARRON GIBSONCome on in the 97th minute, watched Bournemouth score, went home. 5/10