The 10 Greatest Lines From The Official Scientology Album, With Special Guest John Travolta

Is it possible that the Church of Scientology, who have a movie (The Master) maybe, probably, of course about them coming out this weekend, produced something worse than Battlefield Earth? Yes, and it’s called The Road to Freedom, a 1986 album that makes you pine for the loving embrace of Barry Pepper’s dreads.

Road was written and composed by L. Ron Hubbard, founder of the Church of Scientology, and features performances by Chick Corea, Leif Garrett, Frank Stallone, Karen Black, David Pomeranz (he sang the Perfect Strangers theme song!), Nicky Hopkins, and most notably, John Travolta, who lends his throaty pipes to the title track and “The ARC Song.” Hubbard himself also talk-sings on the album, sounding like a drag-queen Leonard Nimoy impersonator covering a Bing Crosby song.

The album’s as hilariously awful as you imagine, and we’ve picked the 10 MOST awful lines from it. Enjoy?

There was a worried being who did secret acts
He felt he had to hide, hide, hide, hide, hide.
Oooo what a sad song!
A careless teacher gave him false data
And he went dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.
Oooo what a sad song!
That bad experience gave him engrams
And he began to hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt.
Oooo what a sad song!

“The Evil Purpose” by Frank Stallone

Terrorists, murderers, rapists, thieves,
The very headlines give you the creeps
People possessed or people obsessed
What’s gotten into their very deeps?