On Life, Love and the Pursuit of Happiness

Every so often, even us Guy’s Guys need to let off some steam about the state of affairs in our highly dysfunctional world.

We kill animals for their taste while polluting the planet at the same time. We give unbridled power to corporations that are only beholden to shareholder earnings. We pay men more than women for the same work. We invade countries we think might do something to us in the future. On and on it goes, and although Guy’s Guys maintain a steady grip on the wheel of life, once in awhile it’s good to let go with a rant. So consider this post as just that. But, know that some of the little annoyances I’m pointing out are symptoms of bigger issues that plague our culture and its way of thinking.

The bottom line is that unfortunately our society has been programmed to choose fear instead of love and greed over generosity. And as a result, people are approaching life from a position of lack rather than abundance. So even though I’ll be bitching, in true Guy’s Guy style I’ll always seek solutions to our problems and love over fear. So, in no particular order here are a few things that bug the shit out of your Guy’s Guy.

1. Our false sense of choice – If you walk down the aisle of any supermarket or mall you would be fooled into believing that we have an amazing array of choices in our lives. However, that is the furthest thing from the truth. Once old Ronald Reagan loosened up the merger laws and regulations in the eighties, corporations have taken over the world. The rich have gotten richer while the rest of us have been duped into thinking we have so much to choose from, while the choices we have are mostly cosmetic.

Here are a few examples—You can pick almost any flavor of potato chips, soda, or hot sauce, or sneakers but when it comes to your money your choices are limited to the blue banks, the green banks, or the red one. The rates are the same. The service is universally unfriendly because frankly, most banks don’t want to service the small fry accounts. What’s worse is that they won’t have your money if there is ever a run on the banks. It’s a similar situation with the cable companies, although at least they are not holding your investments. Take a look at the monthly rates offered by the two mega companies we choose telecom and cable from and you will see that beyond their advertising noise they’re offering virtually identical plans across the board. But take heart. You can buy bubbleberry vodka or one that tastes like fruity cereal. Face it, amigos. When it comes to the more important issues, unless you have a ton of money, you’ll get the same few, shitty choices as everyone else. The one choice that you can control though is how you feel about what is happening around us and how you can raise consciousness by maintaining a positive vibe in the face of all the doom and gloom.

2. Banking, insurance company, and health care nonsense – Sticking with the same theme, and acknowledging that most of the plans offered are too expensive and very similar, it’s no surprise how lousy the service is from the behemoth companies we are stuck with for our banking, insurance and health care.

You don’t believe me? Try calling your cable carrier and you’ll experience the long, painfully frustrating process of their dealing with even the most insignificant issues. For example, after seven years we needed a new cable remote, so we called our carrier. After spending a half hour on hold and dealing with someone in Southeast Asia about our minor issue, we were promised a new remote, free of charge. When our next bill arrived, we were charged for the remote, but we had never received it. We called back. Same routine. Charged again, but no remote. The third time, after explaining this to the usual unfriendly service reps, we ascertained that the cable company geniuses had sent our remotes to the exact same address as ours, but on the east side on NYC instead of the west side. We finally received a new remote free of charge, but the process took over two months and two hours on the phone.

Here’s another dose of pain. One of the banks I use abruptly deactivated two of my debit cards. No warning, no heads up, just deactivated. The letter they sent me directed me to reactivate my cards and account through their website, but the website would not allow it. It provided a phone number that I promptly called. Unfortunately, when I finally spoke to a rep I was informed that because I lived in NYC I needed to visit a bank branch to reactivate the accounts. I reminded the rep that my address, where they sent the correspondence in the first place was also in NYC, so why didn’t they tell me to go to a branch then? No answer. And why, as a long-term customer, was I not given notice that my card and account could be deactivated if they were not used by a certain date? Again, no answer. So I stopped by a branch and asked the same question. This time I was told that the deactivation of my accounts was my notice and the next step would be my being forced going to go to the government to get my money back out of what would become a dormant account. How nice! This is what’s happening now, people. Our corporations are too big and they don’t give a shit about individual consumers. And to make matters worse, the genius in the White House is doing everything in his power to give more power to these oversized companies that already have their foot on our throats.

3. The demise of advertising – Since Dos Equis retired the “World’s Most Interesting Man” and before they were then forced to bring back the campaign with a younger version of the guy who looks eerily like Michael Phelps, have there been any ad campaigns worth discussing in recent years? Super Bowl ads used to be delightful, but over the past few years they have been the same boring car and tire ads or promos for shitty Fox shows and super hero movies. And how many times is Pepsi going to deploy the latest cutesy model or singer in the same lame scenarios? And haven’t we seen enough of those Clydesdales plowing through the snow and kicking field goals? Or a hot model teasing us for GoDaddy? The truth is, no creative person working in advertising wants to be working in advertising. There was a time when advertising was cool and was different. That was a short window and has been closed. Nowadays, ad campaigns are short-term fixes purchased by clients who consider their agencies to be vendors that can be stiffed if they don’t like the work. Ads are measured strictly quantitatively, which is unfair because not all advertising immediately results in a direct increase in sales. A good campaign is likeable and builds a relationship and emotional connection between a brand and the consumer. But client marketers no longer have the luxury of time to prove themselves. They need to see results on the scoreboard right now, so most of the ads we see now are ultra “salesy” and promotionally driven. It’s as if those crappy local TV ads have taken over the ad templates for big brands. Have you seen the new KFC campaign with the revolving Colonel Sanders character? In one ad he’s crowing “$5 dollars, 5 dollars, 5 dollars” as he hops along while pointing at platters filled up three variations of the latest KFC “meals”? This ad is far from finger licking’ good, and I’ll bet the agency wants to jump out of the window when the client calls with their latest direction for new work.

Here’s one more sign of the end. Think about how many ads we see built around the premise of people dancing around when they receive or use the brand they are shilling for. From banks to clothing to candy bars, it’s everywhere and it’s lame. Really, now, are happy people the best idea the agencies can come up with?

4. Everybody’s always selling – In the beginning, people thought the Internet was all about everyone searching for information, being entertained, or communicating with each other. It’s still the case, but things changed when someone made that first dollar on the Internet. Then it became a gold rush. I get it. And it’s been great for people named Zuckerberg, etc. You can still find info on anything and meet interesting people from everywhere while you’re streaming a cool podcast. But for the most part, the almighty dollar rules, and so, at times, the selling goes too far. Zero targeting is a media term that we all experience every time we’re online. Oh, you looked at that Wrangler Sherpa jacket at Macys.com? Well I hope you liked it amigo, because you’ll probably be seeing that same wooly denim frock for the next month while you’re clicking from site to site. It’s like a bad penny that you can’t get rid of. It’s annoying, but that’s sales. And how about that random businesswoman who hit you up for a LinkedIn connection? The moment you accepted her connection she messages you to sell you on her SEO business? Aaargh!

5. People who don’t pay attention – Let’s take things down a notch and dig into the insidious behavior of people so wrapped up in their little worlds that they can’t be bothered to show any consideration for anyone but themselves. For example, you are standing on a very long line at a retail store. You have your singular purchase in hand and your credit card ready. The lady in front of you has a pile of stuff to buy. She’s messing with her phone when the next register opens. She shuffles over and slowly unravels all her items. The cashier takes it all and folds each item up after she scans them. You would think this might be the perfect time to TAKE OUT YOUR WALLET. But no. Only after everything has been tallied does she realize that her eyes are bigger than her budget. So now she has to decide what she now doesn’t want. After this delay she is informed of her new total. Only now, does she begin digging through her bag to find her wallet, which is of course at the very bottom. And you are still waiting with credit card in hand. After another few minutes she finally pulls out a credit card, only to be rejected by the store. A discussion ensues before additional items are eliminated from her purchase. Finally she hands over an operable credit card. You get my drift? You see this type of nonsense every darn day. Don’t be that person. PAY ATTENTION.

6. Unaccountability – Since we live a fear-based culture, everyone is petrified of being wrong. People are incredibly defensive, like never before, and even among good friends, it’s rare that any of us hears the words, “Hey, I screwed up. Sorry.” No, we don’t hear that very much because people think that if they have been caught making a mistake they will be fired, executed and fed to the dogs. Relax, amigos. We all make mistakes every day. It’s best to fess up when you make a boo-boo. If people you hang out with are going to be pigheaded and never admit they are ever wrong, are they really your friends? In business, you have to be careful not to mess up, because with no ever admitting to a making a mistake, if someone is caught in an error, everyone piles on because they are relived it was not their fault. So, when it comes to work, be as impeccable as you can. But if you do make an error, fix it and don’t be a dick and blame your assistant if you get outed.

Deep breath. Exhale. Sigh. Shit, I feel better already. As a rule Guy’s Guys don’t bitch and moan, but like I said, every so often we all need to blow shit out and release any pent up tension. As long as we are not judging ourselves or other people too harshly, it’s cool. Everyone is fighting a battle that we probably don’t know about anyway, so be kind, do your best to stay cool and do your best to deal with all of the crazy stuff that’s being thrown at us. Until next time…

This week’s GUY’S GUY OF THE WEEK is NOT Donald Trump. Like him or hate him, here is a man who, not only never admits to an error, but he also rubs people’s face in it at every chance he gets if and when they cross him. Politics aside, this is not the way a Guy’s Guy rolls. So since we are ranting this week, our choice for the anti-Guy’s Guy is DT.

If you’re like me and most New York Guy's Guys, you want what you want when you want it.

You like your pizza hot, your beer cold, your payments on time in cash, and your woman’s skirts short and tight. Okay, that last one was a bit sexist, but everyone’s bundling up as we enter another long, dark New York winter. We live in a fast-paced town where people rarely demonstrate patience, a key personality trait of people who know how to win at the game of life. I’m as guilty as the next Guy’s Guy—I want my shit now. But, over time I’ve learned that sometimes not getting that thing I wanted when I wanted it, even if at the time I believed it was perfect for me, was not in the cards for good reason. It was either wrong, or it wasn’t the right time. The Universe was protecting me.

Over the years I’m still learning how important having patience is to personal development, maturity, and an appreciation of life. Maybe you didn’t get that job, that girl, that deal, or that fantasy football championship when you thought it was in the bag. But, when your ship comes in, even if it happens long after when you wanted it to enter that harbor, you’ll eventually find out that everything falls into perfect timing and what’s right for you.

Before you put your hand up and say, “Hey, Guy’s Guy. What about that time when I was supposed to win that blah, blah, blah?” Sorry, it wasn’t meant to be, amigo. Your path still remains on track even if at times it feels like you’re stuck in a ditch along that the long road to enlightenment. You will get there and so will I. All we need is patience. The Universe hears us. It knows what we want to experience, but it has a different concept of time than our hyper demands for getting what we want now, now, now. With all that in mind, here are my Guy’s Guy perspective for learning patience and why it’s a very good thing.

Remember that job you applied for after college, thinking it was the perfect? Even though you may have landed the job and thought it was the right one for you, that opportunity doesn’t matter very much now, does it? If you were like me, you got the job, but over time had misgivings. I thought working for a big corporation that sold cookies and confectionary was the perfect gig. I met a lot of smart people, and I got solid experience and international travel under my belt. Then, after a few years and endless rounds of bosses, teams, and changing rules and politics I came to the realization that the people marketing a fun products like bubble gum and candy bars were some of the least fun people I had ever met. Packaged goods marketing was a notch on my career belt, but it was not what I wanted going forward. So I took my time and got a solid job in the image industry that suited me much better. In fact, I was much happier. It took time to make the change, but it was worth it. I was bored and miserable in the packaged goods industry, even though at the time it was the perfect place for me to start out. I got what I wanted when I wanted it, but I also learned that it there was something better out there. I took what I could get out of the experience and forged ahead. In this case, patience prevailed.

Here’s another example. Have you ever run into a former high school, college, or ex from your twenties and then suddenly experienced that “what was I thinking?” moment? Someone you had previously thought was the hottest, coolest partner. Maybe she dumped you, and left heartbroken. It made your desire for her become even hotter. But now, after a few years you see and there’s really no attraction whatsoever. You still respect her, but you’re not in any way, shape or form attracted to her physically or energetically anymore. What happened? Life happened. Aren’t you glad that things didn’t work out the way you had wanted back then? That’s what I’m talking about. You’re probably a lot smarter, happier and hanging with a partner who is better suited to you. It took me years to learn this valuable lesson. I learned that the hard way. In more than one relationship, I tried to force something to work that deep down I knew was not meant to be. I didn’t have the belief or the patience with myself and my abilities to just take a deep breath and move on. So I burned my time and probably hurt some feelings. But eventually I learned to be patient with change. And when I was more mature and ready to share my life, I met the woman who became my wife, my best friend, and lover. I’m glad the Universe taught me the rewards of patience.

Final story. A few years ago I took a break from the advertising game and began building the Guy’s Guy brand in earnest. I knew it would be hard. At the time I sat in a personal reading from a famous spiritual channel. The Guides that channeled in knew me inside out. At the time, I was eager to cash in on my novel, screenplay, TV script and treatment, podcast, non-fiction book series and all of the bricks I’d been laying in the foundation of my Guy’s Guy brand plan. I wanted it all right then and there, but there was more work to be done.

The Guides asked me an interesting question. “Would you be willing to do what you are doing without knowing if you would make money?” It was a striking question about my personal beliefs and intentions. I considered what I was doing and why. I felt the same way I did as when I was writing my novel. This was not just something I wanted to do; it was something I had to do. I knew that I had to be patient, learn my craft, and hone my message so I would be properly prepared when my ship came in. After the reading, I went to work.

It’s been a few years since that reading and it’s not always been easy. I could have given up. At times I’ve said to myself, “WTF?” But overall, things are good. I’m healthy, strong and wiser than before and my family and my personal needs are being met. And, even though I still don’t know exactly how or exactly when my dream will manifest, I know it will happen at the right time, in the best way possible. That is my intention, and I am patient in my knowing.

So what’s the take away, Guy’s Guy? Do we sit here and just wait for our ship to come in? No, you do your work, set your intentions, and live, live, live in the moment. As you develop your patience you’ll eventually know that all things in your purview are happening in perfect timing. Good luck.

This week’s Guy’s Guy of the Week is Abraham Lincoln. Here is a list of thirty years of his failures, plus a few successes on his way to becoming one of our greatest presidents. The man had patience and perseverance.

For some reason—usually
money—business
can bring out the worst in people. That old saying, “It’s
business, it’s not personal.” is a sad excuse for duplicitous
behavior.

I’ve actually heard those words, or
some semblance of them, too many times by bosses and former
colleagues before someone got stabbed in the back. On the other hand,
there are people who talk the talk and walk the Guy’s Guy walk in
the sometimes-shady world of business. So there is hope. You can be a
good friend, companion, or partner, but to be a righteous Guy’s
Guy, you need to be a man and treat others in business fairly. In no
particular order, let’s start the series with a few big picture
tips for being a savvy Guy’s Guy in business.

You are only as good as your word.

A handshake should be a bond. But,
because many businesspeople have short, self-serving memories, there
are contracts. And, as my attorney likes to say, “If it’s not in
the contract, it doesn’t exist.” It’s sad, but true. But even
when you have a contract, people renege on written agreements all the
time. “I don’t have any money” and “Sue me”, are all too
common declarations made during disputes. Don’t let this dissuade
you. A Guy’s Guy leads by example. His word and handshake are
sacrosanct. The bottom line is that you do what you say you are going
to do. This is a golden rule for being a Guy’s Guy and a man.
Anything less is unacceptable. That said; it’s still wise to put
your agreements in writing.

Trust your instincts when making
decisions.

I’m usually a pretty good judge of
character, but like anyone else, I’ve made mistakes. When I was
directing a sexy spirits account at an agency, a young woman
interviewed for a senior account management position. She looked good
on paper, and in person. She pleaded with me to hire her, assuring me
she’d do a kick-ass job. My instincts told me to pass, but I’d
recently been promoted to Executive Vice President and was a bit full
of myself, so I hired her anyway. Mistake.

On our first trip to meet the clients
in Miami, she showed up at the airport toting four large pieces of
luggage for a two-day business trip. This was not a good sign. After
the meetings I asked her for a recap, but she had not taken notes.
She was, however, filled with ideas for dinner. When we returned to
New York, I explained to her what my expectations were for the job. I
gave her a few basic tasks and told her I wanted to review them in a
week. When it came time, she handed me her resignation. I thought
that maybe I had been too tough on her, but while she dawdled, a
junior person on my team so the opening. He stepped up and did the
work. I promoted him a few weeks later and learned my lesson.

The same is true for making a decision
on whether to take a job or not. Every time I’ve had an unsettling
feeling about taking a new job, it turned out to be a major
challenge. If you have a clear mind and heart, go ahead and trust
your instincts. They are usually right.

Handling A-holes.

You’ll always find a-holes at work—
guys that don’t have an original thought who somehow get promoted
by parroting their superior’s or the client’s ideas, regardless
of their merit. They only challenge the ideas of those who they
consider a threat. You see; they don’t really care about the
business. They only care about getting ahead. Sounds familiar? Sure,
it does. So what can you do when one of these transparent characters
is thrust upon you? First take a deep breath and accept their
presence as part of your education. Then figure out what they want.
If it doesn’t impact your career path, exhale. And do your job. If
it does, stay within close enough proximity to them to know what they
are up to and take note of their strengths and weaknesses. And then
wait.

I entered one ad agency as a consultant
and had to work with a verbose, polarizing director. He was crafty
and basically capable, but I’d heard that he had a vicious temper
and would explode on anyone he considered to be a threat to his
domain. He was obviously insecure and I knew that he would quickly
see me as a competitor. At first he was deferential to me, but
that changed once he noticed how capable I was and that I was
accomplishing things he had overlooked. I knew that a storm was
brewing. After we disagreed on a piece of creative during a meeting
he snapped and actually screamed at me. I was steaming, but I said
nothing. I saw the embarrassed looks on the faces of my colleagues.
They had seen this act before. About two weeks later he did it again.
I’m not the vindictive type, but this time I decided that he needed
to go. My plan was to outwork him and wait for him to dig his own
grave. And that’s exactly how it went down. He freaked out on
someone else at another meeting, and in a fit of anger turned in his
resignation.

I was ecstatic, but I waited because I
knew he’d realize that he screwed up and that if he quit I would
inherit his job. And that’s what happened. When his job was
offered to me, he fought like hell to get reinstated. And since I was
an unknown and he’d been at the agency a few years, management was
undecided about his fate. Ironically, they left it up to me. I was
asked if I could work with him and train him as my subordinate. I
declined. Buh-bye.

In summary, make your word your bond,
trust your gut when dealing with people, and don’t take the bait
and battle with every a-hole that crosses you’ll find on your way
to the top. Things have a way of working themselves out. Be patient.

This week’s Guy’s Guy of the
Week is the city of Seattle for being the first major city to raise
the minimum wage to $15. Good for them!

Ever notice how those McDonalds commercials always show up right around lunchtime? You know it’s because that’s when your stomach is growling for something that will hit the spot – that Big Mac is looking especially good right now. Same thing happens with beer and Doritos ads during the timeouts of football games. Your nervous energy is craving savory foods to chomp and a cold beverage to wash them down. It’s called targeted advertising and it works. And guess what? You can use the same time proven techniques to find love, without selling out. Just be true to your own personal brand. Here is how it can work for you:

Know Your Market

That means you need to know whom you want to go after and what these potential partners are looking for in a mate. So if you’re looking for a man, you’ve got to consider what guys want in a relationship. It helps if you focus first on them and less on yourself…at least for this step. Most men I know seek the same core qualities in a female partner- trust, a sense of humor, someone they enjoy hanging out with, someone who has similar interests and values, and hot sex. Hey, sounds like guys are interested in the same things that women are interested in from a partner! Then you need to know where they can be found. Ladies, I am sure you know where the guys hang out in the city. Bars, gyms, classes, work, clubs, the park, ball games, etc. If you cannot find men in the city, invest in a new pair of designer glasses.

Notice I did not say anything about looks. You’ll need to do the very best you can in that area and hope that nature sends the right signals to the guys that strike your fancy. That’s part of chemistry, and as you know, chemistry can be random. Don’t worry about what you cannot control.

Know Your Brand

That’s you, dear. Every so often it helps to take a step back and re-examine who we are, what we are and how we roll. Many of us make the same mistakes when it comes to relationships over and over. It could be our attitude towards the opposite sex, how we present ourselves, or even that mental checklist for sizing up potential partners that can include everything from his bank account to his shoes. Yeah, that list. When it gets longer than one page, it’s too long. Once you know who you are and what you want, consider what qualities you can offer a potential partner that is totally you — your special sauce, if you will. Yes, like on a Big Mac. If you cannot come up with three good reasons why you are special and a great catch, then is it fair to expect some guy to figure that out on his own from the get go?

Get Out There And Close The Deal

So once you know your market and where they live (fish where the fish are) and know who you are and that you are fantastic and probably the best thing that will ever happen to a guy, then you need to get up and get out. You’re not going to meet guys if you stay home, traipse around the city with your ear buds permanently plugged in, and only hanging out with your girlfriends. You need to be perceived as approachable in a fun way and available in a non-slutty way. That means just be you and love your life. A few laps around the online dating track can work wonders if you have some common sense and confidence. Same goes for taking a class, running or sunning in the park or sitting at an outdoor table where a glimpse of your shapely legs can attract waves of guys who are interested in someone just like you. And, always remind yourself to have fun and keep an open mind. Love shows up when you least expect it, but it helps if you are dressed for the part and wearing a smile.

Bonus

Here’s something that women should know and guys will probably never tell you. Whether they will admit it or not, guys are seeking the same qualities in women as you are in guys. The other “secret” they carry is that most men are real horn dogs. It’s part of our DNA and it needs minding. What could differentiate one guy from another is how he manages his “inner horn dog”. It’s the elephant in the room, and he needs to take charge of it. Easier said than done. Happy hunting, ladies!

Guy’s Guy of The Week: David Ogilvy for all of his great branding campaigns.

How can you deploy successful advertising techniques to find yourself a mate?

It’s hard to place The Guys’ Guy’s Guide to Love in a particular genre – how do you describe it to people?

Great question. At first agents told me that since I was a guy, I should write a thriller. No, thanks. Then it was, why don’t you write the book with a female protagonist? No, thanks. Then they told me, the title sounds like the book is a non-fiction guide to getting laid. Why don’t you change the name to Shark Tank or something like that? No, thanks.

Maybe this book will help guys connect with women better. I don’t know, but I write what I’m passionate about and the story is universal. Most readers can relate to Max, Roger, or Cassidy, so I don’t see why the book must be squeezed into a specific genre beyond general fiction. Once you start chasing the market, you’ll end up writing about a stripper-turned vampire detective. If you write what’s hot - like young adult or Harry Potter - they’ve already seen it. If you write something new, they don’t know where to slot your work. The market keeps evolving, but good stories about human nature with conflicts and choices characters face never go out of style.

Do you have any plans to write further novels set in the world of advertising, or even to revisit the characters in The Guys’ Guy’s Guide to Love?

Definitely. I have a fresh concept for the sequel in the works. I can’t wait to jump into it head first. I’m not done with the world of advertising yet, either. There are other issues and subjects I plan to tackle, though I’m just getting warmed up.

How long did it take you to write The Guys’ Guy’s Guide to Love?

The initial draft took about six months. The editing of this novel took over two years to get right.

Describe your life during the writing process.

I wrote GGG2Love during a period of career and personal transition. From working in a high-powered executive position, I went free - lance. I was single for the first time in many years and I was also introduced to energy work. Everything was open - ended. I did not know where the process would lead, but I had faith. This period of time tested me.

I learned that writing is psychically draining and cathartic and exhilarating all at the same time. I ran many, many miles and used that time to mentally sort out and sculpt a muscular plot for the book. I was spending a lot of time at my beach house. I was so deep into the writing process that on some days I would begin my work in the early morning. Then after what seemed like only a few hours later I’d find myself looking out at the ocean noticing that the sun was going down. It was a special time for me.

And when you’re not writing?

I’m president of a boutique ad agency in Manhattan so that keeps me hopping. I also read, write, play and rest. Of course, I spent a lot of time dating or chasing women in an effort to find the right partner.Thankfully, I finally swam into her net. It was a gentle capture. I was ready.

What first inspired you to start writing?

Once I realized that I would not be playing centerfield for the New York Yankees, at a young age writing became my primary passion…that is until I discovered girls. Although I spent my childhood playing outdoors, I read constantly - early mornings, evenings, and quiet afternoons sitting on the front steps.

I wrote a short memoir about our school baseball team when I was sixteen. My teacher, Cosmo Ferraro, read passages from my short book to his students and they loved hearing about their classmates. And that was it. I was all in - hook, line and sinker.

I majored in English Literature, but like my father I was interested in business and world travel. After graduation I worked my way into a marketing position at a corporation and took classes for my MBA. During this time I travelled extensively for business - across the U.S. and globally during a time when the world didn’t feel so connected by technology. I recall how alienated I felt having dinner in a colleague’s backyard in a suburb in Kuala Lumpur when three weeks prior I had never uttered the name of this wonderful city. I think that all the travelling I did early on provided a strong foundation to better understand the human condition with all of its ticks.

What do you hope readers will get from The Guys’ Guy’s Guide to Love?

I hope they have fun and are reminded that by giving give people a chance, you open yourself up to surprises. Or not. It keeps life interesting, and of course I hope they become aware of Reiki, too.

Which authors, if any, do you compare yourself to, or aspire to emulate?

I admire so many authors - Mailer, Hesse, Camus, Carlos Castaneda, Hemingway, William Hjortsberg, Dan Wakefield, John Fante, Lawrence Block, Sogyal Rinpoche, even Harold Robbins, but I don’t attempt to emulate them. It’s challenging enough for a writer to find his own voice.

The Guys’ Guy’s Guide to Love is your first novel; did you attempt any other full length works or short stories before you started writing it?

I wrote a “practice” novel like many other writers and shopped it around a bit to learn the ropes of the marketplace and how the business worked.

How successful were they / What did you learn?

The entire process was an education so I consider it a major success.Thich Nhat Hanh wrote about the wonderful experience of writing a book about one’s life and he was right. I had a powerful emotional release after completing that project. It taught me about possibilities. It also reminded me that story is paramount and my life was not necessarily as interesting to others as it is to me.

What aspects of writing do you find most challenging?

An editor who read both my first project and GGG2Love told me that I had a unique voice that the publishing industry might try to change. He urged me to stay true to my personal style.

I find the publishing industry challenging. The agents and publishers are inundated with material that is not ready for prime time. So some agents begin their process from a negative perspective. Reading takes time and time is money, so you can’t really blame them or take their feedback personally. Your writing needs to follow the rules, yet stand out. It’s tricky.

What advice would you give to people wanting to write?

Writing is not a matter of wanting. That takes no effort. To succeed at it, it must be something you have to do - almost a compulsion or an addiction of sorts. Otherwise, it’s too easy to give up. A writer must be driven, passionate, and relentless like a sled dog mushing his way through a blizzard. Onward!

What are you working on at the moment?

I’m now blogging regularly at robertmanni.com while prepping the sequel to The Guys’ Guy’s Guide To Love. I like the spontaneity of posting things that I’m experiencing, noticing, and feeling while hopefully adding value to the readers’ passions about life, love and their pursuit of happiness.

What are your long-term writing ambitions?

Do you mean beyond selling enough books to buy my own Caribbean island and building an amazing writing hideaway? There has been already interest in the TV treatment and film rights so we’ll see where this takes us.

What sort of books do you enjoy / Favourite authors or titles?

My all-time favorite book is Siddhartha by Herman Hesse. I read it every few years or so. The message remains constant, but the story touches my heart in a different way every time.

Are there any new writers you’ve read recently who you are particularly excited about?

I’m not sure if they are considered new, but I really enjoyed Rex Pickett’s Sideways and I think Michael Lewis is brilliant. I also loved Keith Richards’ autobiography.

What, if anything, would you change about writing and publication of The Guys’ Guy’s Guide to Love?

Like most writers, every time I go back and read the book I see things that I’d like to play with. But I’ve made the tweaks after the first short run, so the story is set and I have to let it go.

You’ve worked in advertising for the past two decades, what inspired you to turn your hand to literature and write The Guys’ Guy’s Guide to Love?

About ten years ago I was walking across Sixth Avenue when something inside told me that it was time to get serious about my passion for writing. I read every book that I could get my hands on about writing or subjects that interested me and began writing in earnest.

Before writing this book I noticed a growing chasm between men and women, particularly the ascent of women and the lack of support and thoughtful response from men. That old macho routine was no longer working and it seemed like it was time for a new type of contemporary male to evolve. I call him a “guy’s guy”-the guy who is a bit more casual and generally understanding, but still a man in every sense of the word. Along with these thoughts I was also also fuelled by the irony of this division between the sexes; this despite all the technology that keeps us connected. I hoped these ideas could turn into a story that connected emotionally with readers.

I gave myself ten years to make all of this happen and here we are.

With all that experience it’s inevitable that people will wonder, were any of the characters based on real people you’ve encountered?

When building the cast for GGG2Love I used archetypes. Who hasn’t met a smooth Lothario like Roger Fox or an entitled rich girl like Layla or a type-A Veronica? As choices define characters, in GGG2Love the challenge for the guys, particularly Max, is how they manage their “inner Roger”. Since I used archetypes to build characters, they are not specifically based on real people.

And did you identify with any of the characters yourself?

I found myself relating to all the characters, including the females. They all faced personal challenges and decisions that defined their true character and possibilities for success, failure, and redemption. Max is the universal everyman and hero, Roger, the contemporary sexual male, and Alejandro is the more spiritual modern man - the moral compass of the story.

In the novel you switch between a range of narrative perspectives, did you find it hard to write from the female characters’ point of view - what helped you gain an insight into the female psyche?

I recall reading Michael Crichton’s “Travels” a long time ago. It is a fascinating memoir about his days as a med student. He stressed the equality and similarity of men and women behaviourally. It really hit a nerve with me. Beyond the nuances, I found it much easier to know women when I treated them the same as I treated my best guy friends, instead of as mysterious, unpredictable creatures, although I admit that at times they may seem that way.

I did my best to imagine how I would behave if I were experiencing what one of the female characters was going through. Then I ran things by my female friends to check the emotional content and the latest fashion trends. I feel comfortable because nothing rang false to the women who’ve read the book.

Manhattan, its inhabitants and their lifestyles are central to the book. What is it that excites you so much about the big city?

After travelling for business for about ten years I realized that America is a concept, a grand idea. New York is like that also. It is a special place with powerful creative energy and it is always changing. The city draws talent from around the globe like moths to a flame. From the guy spinning pizza dough to the cab drivers and people you work with, there is a sense of pride and urgency that permeates Manhattan. You can smell clean fresh fish at the Chelsea Marketplace or the stench of the subway on a summer’s day- all within five minutes of each other. The restaurants, bars, and patrons constantly change, as do the neighbourhoods and the people living in them. The array of food is amazing and it’s true, the city never sleeps. Underneath it all, there is a sense of romance that acts like an undertow to even the most mundane activity. You can find new love at the laundry, gym, bookstore or a cooking class. What’s not to like?

The novel presents an interesting discussion about masculinity and modern man. How do you see the role of men and masculinity in today’s society?

Men need to pay attention and face facts. This is the time for women to ascend and I believe that this is a great thing for everyone, including men. But it’s all in how we view a situation. Instead of putting more pressure on men, women are actually taking on more responsibilities and allowing our male roles to evolve. That’s a good thing for men who see this in a positive light. And if they take their frustrations out on women, they will be in deep trouble because women are not going to take a step back. Why should they? The ball is in men’s court.

Few of the characters are irredeemably bad or manipulative, do you think this is representative of business in Manhattan generally?

Sure, there are plenty of bad apples in the big city, but my goal was to show the eternal hopefulness that is baked into humanity. Even history’s most despicable dictators believed that they were doing the right thing, so my focus was on the character’s intention and the possibility of good that resides in everyone. I believe in the now, and no one has convinced me yet that people cannot evolve. Of course many fail, but that does not preclude the inherent ability to change for the good. It can happen.

Spirituality, in one form or another, plays a large role in the book (reiki, etc.). These things must be important to you?

This is the question I was hoping for. Although The Guys’ Guy’s Guide To Love is fast, frothy, and fun, ultimately it is about being self-reflective and doing the right thing.

I’ve been drawn to “spirituality” since early childhood and have no idea why, but once I fell into my studies of Reiki and hypnosis, my energy shifted and my perspective evolved. Everything seems closer and connected now. If this book introduces Reiki to readers then I have achieved something special. I would not have had the energy to overcome the innumerable obstacles I faced while writing this book without my energy work. It is a gift I want to share and I charged this book to do exactly that.

There is a real sense that your characters get what they deserve by the end of the novel, was this internal morality something that was important to you from the outset?

I prefer accentuating the positive and providing possibilities for redemption. Either with characters or with people, I believe in giving everyone a chance, knowing too well that many will fail to live up to my expectations or their own standards. In this novel, as in all stories, the outcome is predicated by the choices the characters make. I left that for them to decide…for now.

Did you have a particular audience in mind when writing the book?

I thought the story would connect with women, men, and readers interested in the world of advertising, New York stories and spirituality. Lately I’ve been getting a lot of emails from men telling me that they have finally read a story about the sexes that resonates. This inspires me to believe that what sets GGG2Love apart from other male versions of “Sex and the City” is that our guys don’t behave like women.

In my novel, THE GUYS’ GUY’S GUIDE TO LOVE, our main character, Max Hallyday, writes a column for a women’s magazine doling out regular guy-style sagely advice to the ladies about how men think and how to get them eating out of your hand. He takes a tough love approach, but he is honest and well intended, and as a result…well, you’ll have to pick up a copy of the book to find out what happens.
Want To Know The Five Steps To Successful Advertising?

Whether you are selling love or mayonnaise, the same rules apply.

1- Know your target market. Men and women spend a lot of time trying to figure each other out, but I’m not sure they take the time to explore what is going on within the culture of the opposite sex. For example, do you think guys know that today’s women have different needs? In the past, relationships had major financial implications. Guys paid. Today, women are self-sufficient, so guys need to address women’s other needs. And for guys, this is a very good thing as long as they are interested in fun, friendship and really getting to know a woman.

2- Know you brand. Look at how challenging it is for people to draft an online dating profile. So much going on around us that many folks do not take the time to sort out who they really are and what they really want. Well, they usually want a lot of things, but a lot of it is reactive and propagated by the media. Do you really need hair like Jennifer Aniston or a booty like Kim K.? Well, maybe a booty like Kim K.(oops).

3- Know what your target wants. Yes, that means that it is not all about you. That may be news to some, well maybe many women and men who feel entitled to the object of their desire, just because. C’mon, you’ve been there. If single men and women shifted their focus to what their prospective paramour really needs, there would be a sea change in dating. This is an area that is most often overlooked.

4- Be fresh and fun. It’s easy to fall into line and think and do the same old same old. Everyone is crazy busy and who has the time to be creative anymore? You do. And when you start thinking out of the box your prospective partner will know and appreciate that you went the extra mile for them whether it be a picnic for two in the park with a bottle of their favorite Chardonnay or tickets to the Met. Going the extra mile is noticed and appreciated. I still remember all the good things about a past relationship because of that stained glass window she had custom-made for me featuring a seascape since I have a place near the ocean. That was cool.

5- Ask for the order. If you feel that you’ve done your homework and know who you are and who he or she is, and still think that there is a chance that you will not end up in a battle to the death over who gets the iPad, then go ahead and let him know that you are available and that you’ve got what it takes to rock his world. Most likely he’ll be more than appreciative. He’ll be yours.

I’m an ad guy as well as a guy’s guy and a novelist. My nine to five for the past twenty-something years has centered on a business that is fun, fast, and many times misunderstood. In the ad game (and it can be a game) we don’t make things up. We deal with the truth, and we find the right bits of truth that tell the story that you want to hear. At least that’s what consumers constantly tell us during focus groups that we deploy to find out just what is wrong and what is right about the brands we represent.

Why Is Culture Branding So Important?

Although great advertising can become part of pop culture- “Where’s the Beef?” or the new Old Spice guy- it usually succeeds best when it leverages what is going on in pop culture in relationship to desired consumers a brand wants to connect with. If they love sweet dessert tastes and alcohol, they get whipped cream and cake-flavored vodka. It’s that simple. The right product with the right message can be driven deep into the culture. When your brand becomes part of the pop culture and consumer landscape, you win.

So Why Write A Novel About Advertising?

There have been many brilliant non-fiction tomes about the ad business and what makes consumers tick. My debut novel, THE GUYS’ GUY’S GUIDE TO LOVE, is a story about love, sex, power, and money. So I asked myself, is there a better environment than advertising to place characters into a fast, frothy world that plays with our perceived truths and imaginations and our perspectives on life and love and the pursuit of happiness? And, I could write about an environment that I know.

So, Is The Novel About Culture Branding?

I did my best to connect with my readers with a positive message and the need to provide a window into understanding how each sex views the other. Having been single for many years until recently, I noticed that there was a disconnect in how men and women perceived each other. It was usually through a lens that filtered out some of the truth. While crafting the story, I was convinced that the truth was not only a good thing, but also a path to a bridge where men and women could meet in the center and see that at the core, they are the same. We all need love and need to be understood. And that ain’t so bad. Maybe it’s not a new idea, but it certainly is one that is as important now as ever. I guess my novel is true to culture branding.