Little Jimmy hears his parents fighting, "You Bitch, You Bastard" and little Jimmy says, "What does that mean?" "Grandma and Grandpa, son." He goes and plays out side and hears these guys talking, "Yeah so I said c'mon stick your dick in my pussy." He asks, "What is dick and pussy." The guys turn around surprised and quickly say, "Hat and coat."
Back in the house he goes upstairs to find his dad shaving. His dad cuts himself and says, "SHIT!" "What does that mean Daddy?" "Oh, um, shaving cream." little Jimmy goes down stairs to watch his mom who is stuffing the turkey. Her ring gets caught and she says, "FUCK!" Little Jimmy says, "What does that mean Mommy?" "Stuffing, son stuffing." Then the doorbell rings and Jimmy goes to open it. It's his grandparents. Little Jimmy says "Hi Bitch, hi Bastard, can I take your dick and pussy? Dad's upstairs putting shit all over his face and Mom's in the kitchen fucking the turkey!"

A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Oh! I need a bike! I need a bike!"

Little Johnny goes to school on day and his Dad tells the teacher Johnny has a gambling problem and might bet the kids for their lunch money. The teacher said, "I can handle it." Well later that day Johnny’s Dad gets a call from Johnny’s teacher. "I think I've cured Johnny’s betting problem, said the teacher. "How?" Asked Johnny’s Dad. "Well he bet me ten bucks there was a mole on my ass and, I took him to the teachers lounged and showed him there wasn’t one there; and took the ten bucks." "Damn, he bet me fifty bucks he would see the teachers ass before the day was through."

Little Johnny was at school one day when the teacher asked the kids if they could use the word definitely in a sentence. Well the first little girl raised her hand and said, "Well the trees are definitely green." The teacher said "No not really because the trees turn yellow red and brown in the fall. The next little boy raised his hand and said, "The sky is definitely blue." The teacher said, "No not really because the sky can be all different colors." From the back of the room little Johnny raised his hand and asked, "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher said, "No Johnny of course not, that’s silly." Then Johnny said, "Well then I definitely shit my pants!"