“I’ve held off on writing about soccer for a decade — or about the length of the average soccer game — so as not to offend anyone. But enough is enough. Any growing interest in soccer can only be a sign of the nation’s moral decay,” Coulter wrote in her most recent column.

The conservative commentator’s first point is that, soccer, as a team sport like none other does not showcase individual achievement as much as real American sports. Aside from the apparent fact she hasn’t really ever watched a soccer match, this appears to be classic red-baiting.

Coulter adds, “Liberal moms like soccer because it’s a sport in which athletic talent finds so little expression that girls can play with boys. No serious sport is co-ed, even at the kindergarten level.” Okay, now, this is getting serious.

But this isn’t the real problem with soccer, according to Coutler. The real, insidious, un-American reason soccer is undermining America as we know it is because brown people like it. “If more “Americans” are watching soccer today, it’s only because of the demographic switch effected by Teddy Kennedy’s 1965 immigration law. I promise you: No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer. One can only hope that, in addition to learning English, these new Americans will drop their soccer fetish with time.”