Thursday, August 27, 2009

Life Lessons

That labor and delivery is rarely, if ever, what it looks like on T.V.

That pregnancy can be exciting, nauseating, exhausting and wonderful all at the same time

That the smell of a newborn is the most intoxicating perfume known to mankind

That you can blink your eyes and your baby is no longer a baby

That you will wipe things down 187,00 times in one day and the blasted table is STILL sticky

That seeing your husband interact with your children makes him infinitely more attractive

That the sounds of whining are bad enough to make you wish you were deaf....or dead.

That binkies and sippy cups disappear into some kind of abyss never to return

That if, by some miracle, you DO find a rogue sippy cup then THROW IT OUT, it has probably grown appendages

That being covered in spit up, vomit, poop and urine no longer phase you but a spider running across the ground sends you screaming for your husband

Diaper genies, changing tables, wipes warmers and shoes for newborns are a colossal waste of money

That terrible-twos ain't got nothin' on Three

That toddlers and preschoolers are mini dictators

That a 3 year-old can manipulate impressively well

That you will never get tired of kisses from your children no matter how slobbery and slimy they are

That instead of getting annoyed by others' screaming children in a store or an airplane, all you are truly thinking is, "That poor, poor mother."

*That trying to do laundry or get on the computer or eat a sandwich or take a shower or go to the bathroom or lie down for two seconds or talk on the phone or read a book or watch a show or eat a sandwich or take a shower or go to the bathroom while your kids are awake is... IMPOSSIBLE

You WILL use your hand as a kleenex on more than one occasion

Leftover crusts of sandwich=lunch for mommy

Going grocery shopping ALONE is like a mini vacation

Unexpected snuggles make everything better even if you have had an awful day

That you will feel like supermom if you read your child more than three books...in a ROW

That hearing your preschooler saying a prayer and giving thanks for trivial things will warm your heart and make you realize that you too should be grateful for "trivial" things

That motherhood is, at times, incredibly difficult but the rewards are never-ending

That the thought of something happening to your child will cause you to hyperventilate

That you will love your children so much more than you could have ever imagined

That was hilarious! How long did it take you to come up with those? I kept laughing and commiserating with you through each one. That's definitely a nice thing about motherhood, you're not alone in the madness!