mom

Although I haven’t had a ton of kids, I have been a stay-at-home mom to two girls who were either colicky or extremely high need. And in that time, I’ve learned a few tricks that I thought I’d share in this survival guide for stay-at-home-moms with young kids.

First, let’s get real. Staying at home with difficult babies, toddlers and preschoolers sometimes feels like you’re stuck in the 5th circle of hell and cannot escape.

We love our kids beyond comprehension, and they can be the most beautiful and angelic creatures walking on Planet Earth.

But sometimes they won’t stop screaming in your face.

Sometimes they won’t give you 5 minutes to yourself.

Sometimes they want you to carry them around 24/7.

Sometimes they get up a million times a night.

Sometimes, well most of the time, they are so flipping loud.

So aside from throwing them at our husbands the minute they get in and looking for a good place to hide, is there anything we can do to make these hard times any easier?

(And if anyone says something like “Treasure these moments; they go so fast,” or “This too shall pass,” I will throat-punch you. Just kidding. Sort of.)

I definitely don’t have this all figured out. There are still at least a couple days a week where I question whether I can do this thing even one more day. But this is what I’ve figured out thus far.

Make time to be by yourself.
When you have someone beating on the door every time you go to the bathroom, time alone becomes a valuable thing. So, even when you know you should probably be cleaning house or doing laundry, set everything else aside and take an hour or two to yourself. For me, that means getting out of the house. Even taking the car through the car wash is a treat when I go by myself.

Don’t take on other stress.
When you are in a stressful situation at home (new baby, kids all home for summer, special needs kids), this is probably not the time to take on a big new project. Like maybe the kitchen remodel could wait, and it’s certainly not the best time to take on Whole30. No point in adding any additional stress unless you have no choice.

Pamper yourself.
If your family can afford for you to have a spa day every now and then, then I’m super happy for you and a little jealous. But if that’s not in the cards, you can still pick a great TV series to binge watch on Netflix or pick up a book you’ve been dying to read. You have to find something to look forward to, something to enjoy about your life. My current non-guilty pleasure: watching Arrow on Netflix.

Decide what’s most important to accomplish.When you do get a small window of free time, decide what is the most important thing to do. For example, unless you are completely out of clothes and everyone is running around naked, making dinner is more important than laundry. It’s too easy to get sucked into social media or non-urgent projects, but remember, you’re in survival mode here.

Ask for help.
Trust me, this is way harder for me to practice than preach, but you probably need to ask for help. In my experience, husbands, family and friends would love to help but can’t read our minds.

Take a 5-minute break when you are about to lose it.
When it gets to the point that you can feel yourself turning into the Hulk, you need a timeout. Putting your baby down in the bed and sending your bigger kids to their rooms for 5 minutes won’t hurt them. Even if your baby cries the whole time, so what? Better that than losing your ish and screaming at them.

Give yourself grace.
Before I had kids, I vowed to keep them away from technology. (Sorry, but that Kindle Fire has saved my sanity a few times.) And when my oldest was younger, I thought about the fun obstacle course I would create for us in the backyard. (Did I forget that I despise the Memphis heat and humidity that lasts half the year?) Or when I was pregnant with my second, I vowed to still do fun things with my oldest, thinking I would just put the baby in a stroller and go. (Uh, my little one hates the car seat with a passion, so there goes my stroller idea.) Point being, we are all doing the best we can and that is good enough. If our kids know we love them, know God loves them and are kind to others, we are rocking this mom thing.

Be positive.
I always believe that the best possible scenario will happen. My baby will chill out by the time she hits six months. My oldest will master potty training in one week. Flying with 2 little kids will go smoothly. Things don’t always work out like that, but I am a much happier person because I choose to believe something great is about to happen versus thinking things will never get better.

Like I said, I’m not even close to a parenting expert. But I can share my experience and what’s working for me.

I know many women who dreamed of being moms most of their lives. I was not that girl.

I was the girl who dreamt of a corner office with a nice salary to match.

But dreams change and now I’m the VP of Conway Enterprises instead.

However, being a mom still doesn’t come naturally to me. I love my daughter and can’t wait to meet my new little girl in a couple of months. But I know there are a lot of areas I could improve in molding these little creatures into wonderful women.

If you need home-cooked meals, I’m there.

If you need a mostly clean house and clean laundry, I’m there.

But beyond that, I’m really just winging it, and in 2018, I would like to be more intentional with motherhood.

More enjoying every day and less looking forward to naptime/bedtime.

But where do I even start? Great question.

Let’s take a look at these 5 ways we can be better moms this year.

Make time, even when you do not feel like you have it, to make more memories.
Sunday evening drives on country roads with music playing, morning breakfast on the back porch, sleeping out under the stars on the deck, candlelight and music to celebrate eating together. (paraphrased from Sally Clarkson)

Be available.“What if you missed hearing the best part of your child’s day because you were on the phone? What if you missed a chance to inhale the sweet scent of your energetic child because you insisted on folding that basket of laundry before bedtime? What if you missed a chance to console your worried spouse because of your mile-long to-do list?” (Rachel Macy Stafford, Hands Free Mama)

Tame your temper.“You ARE NOT the only mom who’s ever lost it with her kid. Hang in there weary moms, you are not alone. Temper tantrums by moms are taboo. And yet temper IS an issue for us moms. And we better start talking about it if we want to have any hope of beating it.” (Lisa-Jo Baker) If this is something you struggle with, take a look at Lisa-Jo’s post with 10 things to do differently before you lose your temper.

Use loving words.“Our words have a powerful effect on others. Words can be cutting and painful, but they can also be respectful and life-giving. We must teach our kids to use their words in a positive way, building up others rather than tearing them down. The words “I love you,” are often neglected because we assume everyone in the family knows that we love them. As moms, let’s determine that we are going to speak these three words more often, and then let’s encourage our family members to do the same.” (Karol Ladd)

Make Jesus the focus of your mothering.“But at the heart of it all, we must take our noses out of textbooks and delve into the Book to gain God’s perspective of raising and educating a child. We must become more concerned with their souls than their brains. A child’s smarts can help them go places in life, but the character reflected from their soul is what will determine whether or not they do anything significant once they get there.” (Lysa TerKeurst, Am I Messing Up My Kids?)

Frankly, keeping your pantry stocked with fruit snacks and taking your kids on regular dates are much easier to do than these 5 things.

But if we only do one thing differently this year, let’s commit to praying that God will help us to be the moms our kids need and that our kids would love Jesus.

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About Me

My name is Ashley. I’m the wife of the best guy on the planet, the mom of two crazy girls and a lover of all things country music, reading and group fitness. And I’m super passionate about helping you simplify your life so you can spend more time doing the things you love.