I really don't get it.

What the hell is it that keeps me going everyday? Day after day I'm so ridiculously bored, confined to my room only searching for something to do like, all day. I don't really like doing shit alone, but I don't have a great deal of friends interested in the same stuff I am. Most of them just want to smoke marijuana and drink alcohol, and if I have to do that shit to have friends, fuck it, I'd rather be lonely. Fucking hell, all I do is go to work for 5 hours, get bitched at by my boss all day, go home, and be ridiculously bored again.

I just don't get why I'm still here, or for that matter any of us. This world is bullshit. This society is bullshit. Everything in the world is slowly getting worse, and sooner than later the terrorists are probably going to end up getting nukes and we can kiss our planet goodbye anyways. There really is nothing good to this world.

But what is it apart of us all that keeps us going? The majority of us here have one simple goal, may it be get better, but for alot of us, death. Why is it so allusive? What is it that holds me back from completing what could seem but such a simple task? Is it a fear of pain? A fear of going to hell? (not for me) Why? Why can't it just be simple? Why can't I just have a permanent off switch?

If it weren't for that damned lexapro I'd have been long gone. Maybe I should be happy I'm still on it because it's keeping me sane.

So how much longer til I crack? Doing the same crap everyday, with no goals whatsoever, just keep working, keep saving my money only for the US dollar to go worthless and my money to all disappear (by then i'm sure there will be mass rioting too anyways) What's even the point of it all? What's the point of working? What's the point of doing anything? Maybe I should just pick up alcohol. Fuck, half of the people on this forum brag about getting drunk like it's a hot commodity. Honestly, what the fuck happens that's good when you're drunk anyways? Car accident, unprotected sex with strangers, wake up with a disease? Hangover? I'll NEVER understand as long as I live. It's just another one of those damn things where hey, everyone else is doing it, why don't I? kind of like cutting. It just blows my mind.

I'd just like to address a couple of your thoughts because I've been thorough it.

Most of my friends in college were pot smokers and drinkers (about 25 years ago) so that's what I did. Then, they end up quitting and I went on to bigger and better (thought so at the time-boy was I wrong) stuff. It numbed the pain at the time, but all I ended up with was probably more than my share of it. If you can fight it off, stay away from it.

The nukes issue was huge in the 70's and 80's with ever increasing stockpiling of weapons by Russia and the U.S. I used this as an excuse (not saying you are) to not function. Just figured we were doomed to use them.
Wasted way too many years thinking about it.

I actually think the situation is worse now, with the terrorist implications of gaining nuke control. But, no way to be sure, so what's the point in worrying about it?

Sounds like you have at least some positives which is more than many can say at this forum. Hope you can hang on to those.