Saturday, May 5, 2012

I know it seems like we’ve already had a gazillion fundraisers to WTF. Butt as I’m sure you recall, the show doesn’t start till the dummy says so:

Howdy Messina announces the big round-up

So now it’s officia : Howdy Messina says we are finally “READY TO GO” now that we have our new campaign slogan, “FORWARD.” That will be nice for a CHANGE. Anyway, we’re “kicking off” our 3 1/2 year old campaign for reelection today! And naturally we’ve picked two colleges full of ready-recruits to do so: Ohio State and Virginia Commonwealth.

Since none of our economic plans are really getting us anywhere, we’re letting our cracker jack techno-team take over to reenergize the boots on the ground effort. The technogeeks will be at the rallies in full force armed with gizmos to zap personal information from anyone within 50 yards of the Jumbotrons that are set up to flash personal comments and pictures from supporters all across the country – how cool is that?

Naturally, because we are so cool, you can follow the events on Twitter, Facebook, and www.barackobama.com from anywhere; and special web sites will be set up for rally-goers to “check in” on other social networks to let their friends and family know where they are! (And to let mom know when they’ll be dropping their laundry off.)

Plus, if you sign up today you can get future text messages right on your phone! From Big Guy’s campaign! How fun is that! So, if you don’t have anything else to do on a beautiful spring weekend, be sure to sign in and follow the fun! Both Big Guy and Lady M will be there. Notice: if you sign up we will have access to your cell number and by law can badger you for 90 days to donate additional money to help get Big Guy elected to Czar for life.

Even Joey B is getting in on the fun: he sent a campaign e-mail to supporters yesterday too:

“This is pretty cool,” Biden wrote. “Messages from supporters across the country will be broadcast on the big screen live during the event.”

Yeah, it’s called “texting.” It’s really cool, it’s like talking, only with text.

Of course others in Big Guy’s administration aren’t as excited about the new techno-campaign:

So it’s going to be a really fun day! In addition to our kickoff pep rally, it’s also Cinco de Mayo. Unfortunately, due to today’s campaign scheduling conflicts we had to celebrate this undocumented Mexican holiday on Tres de Mayo. And Lady M wasn’t able to join the festivities this year due to one of her “sick headaches.” It must be the pressure of the campaign. It gets to everyone eventually.

OK then.

It’s also Kentucky Derby Day – or “Mint Julep day” as we call it around here, so the Pim’s cups, juleps and Margaritas will be flowing on Air Force Won on all legs of the trip.

Butt did you know that today is also Karl Marx’s 194th birthday? That’s right, we’re officially kicking off the WTF campaign on the birthday of the original Redistributor-in-Chief! You might say that Uncle Karl was the godfather of “compression” too since he invented the concept of taking a whole bunch of stuff from society’s producers and compressing it into a much smaller bunch of stuff. That compressed stuff can then be redistributed to the dear leaders of the Occupiers and the rest of the little people as the leaders see fit.

Because nothing is as useful as a good class war in classless society

So far it hasn’t really worked out that well – either communism or compression - butt then, we’ve only been trying it for 150 years or so. We’ve just been waiting for the right person to come along.

And sure enough, along came Big Guy; and he even told us that he was the one we’ve been waiting for. Or watching out for, depending on your viewpoint.

“Modern bourgeois society, with its relations of production, of exchange and of property, a society that has conjured up such gigantic means of production and of exchange, is like the sorcerer who is no longer able to control the powers of the nether world whom he has called up by his spells.”

TOTUS YOU ARE SO IN TROUBLE!

Oh. hee. TOTUS was just effing with me. Apparently that’s not the speech BO’s giving at the FORWARD rallies today. That’s actually from a little tribute speech he’ll be delivering to a small, private group of friends and supporters later in the day commemorating Uncle Karl’s birthday. (closed press).

Butt speaking of the proletariat: one last comment on Lady M’s stunning color block frock from Monday. I’m sure you know that it was a one of kind custom job from the Preen spring collection. In its prêt-à-porter version it runs about $1300; customizing kicks it up a bit, say 3-4 times that. Butt even so - compared to Ann Romney’s $900 off the rack blouse - Lady M got a whole dress (well, except for the arms)! I’d have to say that’s much better value. So while Ann remains “tone deaf” in America, Lady M, like Big Guy, is definitely tuned into the zeitgeist of America.

Customizing is definitely the way to go, if you can afford it, because your frock is personally tailored to fit. So even if you do have to pay for it, which of course we don’t, it’s worth it. And please note: at least we didn’t get the more fashion forward peekaboo torso version; that’s how you can tell the campaign has officially kicked off.

And while I’m on the subject of fashion and zeitgeist (don’t you love that word?) here’s another recent example of how Lady M rocks that whole designer dressing on your budget thing:

The runway version of the Naeem Kahn gown, and Lady M’s customized gown

And don’t fret about how much that gown that Lady M wore for the Washington Correspondent's Dinner cost you: all of MO’s one-of-a-kind frocks priceless.