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Five ways to pretend you’re not eating alone

Let’s face it; sticking to a regular university timetable is about as likely as doing optional readings. On the rare occasion you’re actually on campus, there’s really no way of knowing which of your mates are going to be around. Eating lunch by yourself is a familiar and inevitable notion, so here’s a few ways to show you’ve actually got m8’s.

The phone call

We’ve all got that one mate that is never busy and always down for a chat. Have them on speed dial. Just as you’re buying your lunch or pulling last night’s dinner out of your bag give them a call and let them work their magic.

Be sophisticated

When someone is reading the newspaper they are obviously choosing to engage in the cultured endeavour rather than socialising. A newspaper can transform you from lonely sushi-eater to classy sushi-consumer in no time.

Get some darts

Don’t smoke? Better start. Now that Uni’s have designated smoking areas, it’s become socially acceptable to be alone in one. $25 a pack and emphysema – a small price to pay for acceptance.

Double meal

If you manage to secure a seat at the cafeteria, but you’re worried about getting judged for taking a whole table to yourself, never fear. This simple trick has got you covered. Step 1) Line up at sandwich bar. Step 2) Think about what sandwich you want. Step 3) Order your sandwich, twice. 4) When you sit down at the table put the second sandwich on the other side so everyone thinks your mate’s gone to the toilet. When it’s time to go, stealthily pick up the scapegoat sandwich and save it for dinner. Voila, crisis averted.

Stroll n’ roll

If you’ve got the spatial awareness and coordination to eat while walking, this is the perfect way to avoid eating alone. Even if you don’t need to go anywhere just take a lap around campus. This also burns calories while consuming them, thus getting your daily exercise in over lunch. Smart.

Happy lunching.

Disclaimer: Eating by yourself is in fact quite acceptable, and I’m not actually suggesting picking up smoking to avoid it.