Nothing like the look of a man who has been held accountable for his actions by both his victim and the legal system. Somber, contrite, and respectful. You can tell he’s learned from his mistakes. Like Casey Anthony.

Judge: You are a cocky little fucktard who is in here for beating up a woman who does’t have the sense to stay away from you. Anywhere else you would do real jail time but this is LA. and you are famous. Come in for the weekend around six and we’ll call it even.

So yeah, your honor, her lip was all swollen up like this. It wasn’t swollen because of collagen or anything, if you get my meaning. Something might have run into it. Something sort of like my fist. Actually, something exactly like my fist. Get it? I beat women. Not men, only women. Men might hit back. I only hit women. And only if I outweigh them by a good margin. A woman who’s even close to my size? No way, she might hit back too. I’m looking for someone who I can just whale right in the face. Maybe bite her too. I liked that last time – the biting. What with me being a woman beater and all, that’s the sort of stuff I like. Beating up women.