Florida Congressman and Tea Party darling Allen West is no stranger to idiotic crap. His 22-year military career ended when he couldn't resist torturing an Iraqi detainee, and once he was elected to the House, he wasted no time in establishing himself as one of this great nation's foremost asshats. He's a wild-eyed Bachmannesque Islamophobe who once called Congresswoman and Jezebel homegirl Debbie Wasserman Schultz "not a lady" and then lied about apologizing to her. So, this latest round of idiocy isn't necessarily a surprise, although it is totally gross. Apparently while he was in the Army, he wrote his wife a letter demanding she wear only two piece swim suits and be "(his) porn star."

Normally, a man's R-rated letters to his wife would be none of my business, because — let's face it — most love letters that get dirty are embarrassing, and who hasn't sent a regrettable sext or sexy email or whatever in their sexual careers? But Allen West is a particularly awful type of terrible, and so I feel slightly less bad making fun of the letter obtained by the website Gossip Extra. They didn't publish the whole thing out of some sense of decency, because apparently it got worse than the conservative Christian West telling his wife that she needed to be porny.

The congressman proceeds tells his wife he expects certain intimate acts upon his return that will be "the standard and it is non-negotiable."

He tells her: "From now on, you will wear two-piece swim suits when on vacations."

Then: "Angela, I need to know, are you committed to being my porn star?

"I do not want to hear ‘no' or ‘we'll see about that.' I want my fantasies to be with you. God has authorized you and you only as my partner for intimacy and that is what I want."

And he signs off: "Get ready!"

As they say in Minnesota, uff-da.

Advertisement

Here's an Allen West quote you can use as a palate cleanser, if you need to wash your brain after reading that.

We need you to come in and lock shields, and strengthen up the men who are going to the fight for you. To let these other women know on the other side - these planned Parenthood women, the Code Pink women, and all of these women that have been neutering American men and bringing us to the point of this incredible weakness - to let them know that we are not going to have our men become subservient. That's what we need you to do. Because if you don't, then the debt will continue to grow…deficits will continue to grow.