A single, rural mama's ramblings about parenting boys, finding herself (oh brother), struggle and joy, juggling more jobs than you can shake a stick at, creativity as we attempt to not only survive but somehow live a fulfilling and rich life below the poverty line, humor as a coping mechanism when you'd be a basket case otherwise, and all the beauty that IS.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

After yet another doctor visit this morning, we learn that the littlest one now has pneumonia as well. I'm in awe that this is even possible, this much sickness. I wish I could pinpoint what I am doing wrong here. All organic food: check. Plenty of rest (for the kids anyway): check. Exercise & fresh air: check. Frequent hand washing: check. Humidifier/air purifier in our room: check. Not going out and about all winter: check. The only thing I can think of is the fact that we have gone to the doctor's so often, maybe they pick up things there? But I always just hold them in the waiting room and we don't touch any of the toys or anything. I feel like I'm just on autopilot, stumbling though the days, measuring medication, putting another video on the tv (something that is virtually unheard of in this house), pouring drinks, wiping noses/puke, cleaning things, getting popsicles, calling pediatricians in the middle of the night, never sleeping. My mind is blank... and I don't seem capable of deeper thoughts than popsicle flavors and tylenol doses. It seems with extreme tiredness, you get sort of a second wind, but you function more like a zombie instead of a human being. So anyway, sorry there have been no pictures on here in ages...there isn't a thing to take pictures of lately, other than pale babies and eye bags.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Nice sunny day, everything is drippy and melty! I went to the ER a few days ago with what I thought was a broken rib, but luckily, it was just cracked cartilage between my ribs. Feels much better now. Just sore. Who would have thought coughing could do that?! I'm nearly done with this cough now. And The Baby dislocated his elbow last weekend playing in the back yard. That gave us a pretty stressful night, but all is well now. It's funny, I would say all in all, that this winter has been far trickier than last winter and I'm doing OK with it. Maybe I just had a chemical imbalance last year, or I'm way to busy to dwell on it this time around. Because last winter, I think I was a mess nearly every day. And of course, I still have those days, when I'm a wreck, but they certainly aren't the rule. Even though I've overbooked Saturday, I'm not freaking out. (yet!) I have a senior portrait session in the morning, a swing class to teach immediately afterward, and then a wedding to photograph the instant my class is over. Oh dear. Oh well. I think a lot of credit goes to the dance classes. I'm really loving teaching them, and who knows? Perhaps I sweat out all my problems? Makes me a firm believer in the exercise is better than antidepressants theory. It's been amazing and gratifying to watch the classes grow to almost bursting out of my studio. Also awesome to watch everyone get GOOD. Like super good. I feel so proud. I'm not the greatest dancer...but I think I'm a decent teacher, and it makes me thrilled to step back and watch them all and think: I DID THAT. So, yeah, it's not some big, earth changing accomplishment, but it makes me happy anyway. Plus, it makes me feel young again...loud music, laughing, leotards... Strange that when I stopped feeling depressed that my "calling" was getting me nowhere, a new calling found me. Not at all what I expected to be doing, but I think I've given up guessing where life will lead. I'm just along for the ride.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

NOT complaining, just telling you what's up. We had the flu a couple weeks back, mostly me...high fevers, cough, sore throat, body aches... although the kids had their usual horredous coughs all through Christmas. Then we all got some stomach bug which was one of the worst things I've had to deal with yet, three guys throwing up every twenty minutes each for 24 hours or so. No clean towels/sheets/clothing left by the end of it. I, luckily only felt super queasy the whole time. At first we thought we all must have eaten something bad, because Jen & Matt & Mom & Dad had it too, but I guess there WAS some nasty virus going around. Poor Justin came down with it in the middle of an all-night emergency at the South Royalton House. The water main broke and the pub filled chest deep in water, flooding the furnaces, etc. Pretty stressful to be out bailing water until three in the morning when you have to vomit every few minutes...Anyway, after we finished that, I came down with insane hives all over my body, something I've never experienced before. I went to the doctor because I'm still coughing pretty hard from that flu and she checked out my hives as well. Probably just a side effect from the tummy bug and they should go away in around ten days. I've never seen anything like them...Looking in the mirror this morning shocked the heck out of me. I can't even fit my wedding ring on my pinky! And I want to roll naked in a snowbank to stop the itching for a second! Whew! It seems like we get more unhealthy every winter. Actually, it's mainly ME with the problems this year, which is unusual. I'm usually healthy as a horse. Oddly enough, even with all this stuff going on, I don't feel as stressed as I did last winter. It's all a mess, but somehow I'm not freaking out too badly for once. Or maybe the Benedryl is making me too woozy to care! E went to back to school this morning, he was getting so bored doing nothing here at home. I do feel pretty lame though, like people must think I'm just making this stuff up....I mean, WHO is sick this much? Mom thinks our house is poison. She brought over lots of clorox yesterday. I know I'm not the World's Best Housekeeper, and the house IS ancient, but I really DON'T think the mildew on the bathroom ceiling is the problem. There's only so much I can do while raising children, and half the people I know live in houses just as old and grubby as ours. Who knows. Maybe I'm simply allergic to winter. Anyway, things could be a lot worse, and I'm thankful that our health is as good as it is. My dear friend Amelia started chemo treatments yesterday. She's one of the healthiest people I know. I'm sure she's going to beat it, but it's still scary. Also, there is no mildew on her bathroom ceiling. Sometimes health is just the luck of the draw, I guess. Of course it doesn't mean people should feel free to make bad choices, good choices certainly help, but there's never a guarentee. OK, feeling drunk and falling asleep over my keyboard, so I'll stop now. Peace.