Psych2LKIT

Category: doctors appointments

Does anyone find a lack of time, or overbusiness to explore other curiosities and interests? Learning new things is said to be good for depression, so I do it, and am a normally curious person depressed, normal, or manic.

Finally sat down w/my list of words I saw and pledged to index

to find out what they mean. I mean, I see them over and over again and sort of go ‘uh huh’ with a general gist but I truly want to know what they really mean. I’m such a geek I travel around with a pocket dictionary in my little kate spade (so cheap only 40.00 at the outlet mall..)

analogous…comparative in a way that makes clear. Like if you notice one day that you are picking up some traits of a parent that you don’t particularly rmember fondly but by comparing them and seeing suddenly how it’s so clear that the trait has been passed down.

bellwether…I thought this meant a ‘predictor’ and it sort of does…it refers to the lead sheep in a pack of them following the one in front.

dehiscense…this has to do with a surgical complication where the stitched up wound reopens and is common in obesity, post op swelling or infection or moving around too much, like being active too soon after surgery. It also is seen in diabetics (shudder…I’m prediabetic from years of atypical antipsychotics like Seroquel and Clozaril that I must take)….oh well, redouble my efforts clean up diet again!

anomaly, different than the norm or expected

plebescite…this term has resurfaced since Judge Scalia died and I see why. It has to do with a vote for or against upholding the constitution or other canon.

and finally quixotic…this means to be idealistic or overly optimistic about something.

This egghead is going to go watch TV. Back next week with another boatload of words seen in the New York Time.

This letter is my fourth medical endeavor for the day. I’ve had my clozaril blood test, have an injection in my back at 2:30 pm, picked up contacts, called for a refill of one TD medicine and now am trying to get prior authorization for the other. Unable to take Cogentin like most people, I’m on combination therapy for Tardive Dyskinesia.

I’m not trying to cause a panic.

(It’s just that sometimes my complicated medical situation, though it’s not life threatening, seems more complicated than it’s worth. I’m also ashamed of it, my family seems to think the side effects are my fault or caused by me. This has led to familial isolation).

This is worsened if I’m dealing with Depression. At those points even the little things are hard to manage…things like showers. I just don’t think I’m worth the effort during those times.

As for Tardive Dyskinesia: Not to worry.

Most people with movement disorders are just fine with Cogentin or Artane. Seems I’m the exception. I’ve had bipolar disorder for a long time and am just thankful I wasn’t put on lithium long-term and only take a minute dose of clozaril, as they both can strain kidney function.

I’m about to fax this missive. All of this eats into time I’d like to spend reading, studying or writing. Can you believe this stuff???? Anyone relate?

Page one of one

Dear Roxana,

I am on hold with your office right now and it’s going on the fifteenth minute oh, wait, now I’m disconnected after all that hold time.

As a person swimming in a sea of side effects from 25 years of well managed bipolar disorder, it seems these types of tasks are never ending.

The reason I called your office in the first place was to let you know that even though my biannual appointment with Dr. Moore isn’t until March, I’m only preapproved for my Tardive Dyskinesia Medicine until February and need for you to request another for me.

I hope you are having a great day. I look forward to hearing from you and will followup this fax with a phone call and hope I have better luck with your phone operators.

I hit the peak of a major depressive episode yesterday and felt like shit on a stick. Anyway, today I went to collect my pain medication for my back – I have disc degenerative disease, narrowing of the spinal column, arthritis and then some other things I have no idea what they are – so needless to say I am on a pretty strong painkiller (its an opiate) and now I feel absolutely wonderful, calm, at peace, not depressed at all! So its left me wondering, why are all the good things bad for us? Opiates, benzos, painkillers, sleeping tablets are all addictive. But I can’t help the feeling that the alternative is way worse, thoughts of suicide and deep dark horrible depression. Why not use a painkiller to feel better? You hear so many stories about a drug designed to aid in a certain illness and then turns out to be…

Ok, on a day when I have doctor’s appointments, I get depressed. And it’s getting even more triggering to me. As a person who has survived pretty well with bipolar disorder for 25 years, weathered bad and good times and irreversible side effects, the illnesses mushroom. Oh, if I knew then what I know now. That’s why I want to write a book. Hey, I could write the whole thing in doctor’s offices waiting rooms!!!

To balance the morbidity I get a good workout in in between, before or afterward.

Here’s what got me thru

“Rage Against the Machine” The ever soulful “The Ghost of Tom Joad”

Gary Jules “Mad World” also done by Tears for fears

Ice Cube “It was a good day.”

Led Zepplin “Boogie With Stu.”

a lot of people don’t get rap. They drive home their oppression. I would think anyone with a mental illness would understand the idea of being underneath a power pushing them down. Here’s my fav lyric

“Today I didn’t need to use my AK, I’d say today was a Good Day.”

ha. Power lifting and treadmill reading The NYT Sunday Edition. The upper balances the downers.