Wednesday, February 27, 2008

RUN out the office door with coat half buttoned and sunglasses perched wonkily (is that even a word?) on my head.

Slip on my way across the parking lot. Do my impression of Tonya Harding’s crow-bar waltz across the ice.

Drive home, weaving in and out of traffic and cutting off old ladies. What? My kids weren’t in the car. Don’t look at me that way!

Pull into driveway and bellow for Thing2 to meet me in the car.

*crickets*

THING2!!!!!!

Curse Thing2 loudly while tromping across the street to snatch him from the neighbors.

Honk like a mad woman outside the library for Thing1.

Wait .02 seconds for Thing1 to step into the car, sit down, close the door and buckle up before stomping on the gas and doing a couple of icy doughnuts in the library parking lot. He totally had all but one of his appendages in the car, I swear! Although it might have been his head that was hanging out. He did tell me that my left rear tire looked a bit low. Good boy, already taking care of his Momma.

Pull up to the eye doctor and give them my bank account pin number and the deed to my house just so my kids can look like the smart little nerds that they are.

Go home, cook an elegant and healthy meal for my Things.

Be told: “It was good but too dry” and “It could be way better than this” and “next time, I’ll do it so you don’t mess it up again.”

Kill my ungrateful childrenTeach them a new dice game. (which is really difficult when rigor is setting in)

About Me

Walking through my days with dignity(ha!), grace(hahaha!) and a raunchy sense of humor. I'm fabulously sassy with a dash of outrageous. Not quite a Mommy Blog and not quite a sex site, I'm just trying to figure out how the hell you do this "LIFE" thing with NO DAMN INSTRUCTION BOOK!