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June 10, 2010

Ways to know that you play too many video games

Many gamers put untold hours into their gaming addiction, sometimes spending whole days trying to beat a game or finish a level or complete a story. Is it too much time? It's hard to say.

But there are some ways to determine that you're spending too much time camped out in front of the TV or computer playing your games. Other than the bleary, red-rimmed eyes and the twitches caused by an overdose of Red Bull, I mean.

Here are some other ways you can tell. I would never be egotistical enough to say "Top 10 ways," because, you know, I'm not that kind of a guy.
1)You're driving around downtown, trying to make a right turn, and a few pedestrians start crossing the street in front of you despite there being a "Don't Walk" flashing sign. Your first thought is to reach for the Pedestrian Repulsifactor switch (Carmageddon 2). That should take care of them.

2) Somebody pisses you off and your first thought is to pull the left trigger button to target them and scare them off. Then you realize that you a) don't have a gun, and b) aren't that type of person anyway. (Grand Theft Auto, Red Dead Redemption)

3) You're walking around downtown, looking up at the skyscrapers, and your first thought is how you would jump up and climb to the top of one of them. (Infamous or Crackdown)

4) Your daily outfit is a red and blue painter's outfit and you have a bushy mustache (do I really need to tell you?)

5) When people are talking to you, you cycle through the "attitude" prompts before deciding how to respond to them. (Mass Effect, Alpha Protocol)

6) You've started saying "Stay Frosty" way too much, even when you're not being badass. (Modern Warfare 2)

7) You start thinking in Simlish and then translating it before speaking (The Sims)

8) You see people speaking to you and the words aren't lining up with how their lips move (most any RPG, though that could show you watch too many badly-dubbed Japanese monster movies as well)

9) You turn down a hot date with a model because your clan is Raiding that night (World of Warcraft)

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10/ You see ghostly fugures racing towards you and are convinced that the only way to defeat them is to pop a power pill (Pacman)

11/ You consider whether your actions will turn you towards the light or dark side of the force (KOTOR)

12/ When people annoy you, you start trying to call on a mighty hoard of Ents to smash them (Battle for Middle Earth)

13/ You see a Spaniard with a mustache and are convinced that they are an evil Baron with part of a map that will eventually lead you to find a long-lost relative on the Spanish Main (Sid Meier's "Pirates!"

14/ You see an enemy and wonder whether to destroy them with a bazooka, super sheep, mad cow or banana bomb (Worms Armageddon)