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19 Aug 2013

Ghosts Of Roommates Past

Ah, a topic I could write a book upon.

Caution: VERY long post ahead. ALL rant. At your own risk.When I joined college 4 long years ago, I got the best of roommates (though I wouldn't have agreed then), so when I came to Bangalore first, I hoped really hard that I would find roommates who I could be friends with.

How difficult could that be, considering Bangalore is FULL of girls of all shapes, sizes, orientations, ideas, dress sizes and whatnot. Apparently, very difficult.

I shall elucidate (whether you like it or not):

Number 1 was sweet. She is what I am now, friendly and full of helpful advice but prefers to keep her life completely and entirely separate from mine. Not that it is a problem now but when you are a green, green girl fresh out of college, a kind word and a shopping trip would have helped my case. But she was nice and that's all that matters now. And I shall be forever thankful to her for my first Corner House icecream.Duration: 1 month.

Number 2, I'd rather not talk about her. She was three times my size, from Hyderabad, had very loud opinions about 'mallus' and their 'chaluness', hated fresh air from open windows, liked the television on at high volume at all times of the day including midnight and threatened to crush me under her weight. Oh and she doesn't flush the toilet or throw away her toiler paper.Duration: 48 hours.

Number 3 was okay. I always thought that she was a bit of cuckoo because she never used to understand what I was trying to tell her, which is surprising considering I speak her language and well, and also because she spends the entire day on Saturday AND Sundays making rice and steaming capsicum in the microwave. She kept to herself and was nice enough to offer me her rice and capsicum. She always told me that I could take anything from her food ration and cosmetics (including a heavenly bubble bath from the UK) as long as I didn't touch her clothes or shoes. I was A-OK with this and offered her the same liberties.Duration: 2 months.

Number 4 was a mistake me and my big mouth made. I'd rather not say anything here for I fear lurkers. I think my back did hurt her poor, helpless knife though. Tch, tch. Duration: 1 month.

Number 5 was a local and got me into a hell of a lot of trouble with the landlady, complaining about me in Kannada. This was happening right in front of me and I nodded along thinking she was saying something constructive about something else and she knew full well I didn't follow. At all. I wouldn't have minded if it were not for the fact that all the complaints were made with the intention of taking over my room which was the best in the PG (in terms of space and ventilation).Duration: 1 week.

And finally, Number 6. Ah, she is a work of art, a piece that belongs in a museum, nonetheless. My biggest error of judgment and I paid for it with 9 months of sheer misery. Right from bullying me into getting a house with her despite not having the finances and having known each other for less than 10 days, she trampled her way through my life in ways I shudder to think of. The sucker that I am, she fed me a story of missing her parents and I fell for it immediately.

Shopping for the perfect kadhai for her to cook paneer in took precedence to my broken heart right in the middle of a messy, drawn out, painful break up. Between this crazie and my 'extremely understanding' ex, my life was truly hell in a cell those days and I shall forgive neither of them that easily, if at all. I remember sitting outside the room, tears flowing down my cheeks in a never ending torrent, heart breaking into a million pieces and throat clogged in the middle of an international call, when she came out of the room and yelled at me for not giving her company for dinner. I also remember being in the middle of a HUGE blowout that involved me, my mother, my ex and a colleague (you don't want to know) and she wanting me to get the internet guys to buy extra wire right then and there. Gave me days when all I wanted was to jump off the terrace parapet.

A few highlights....

1) She insisted that I eat the food that she cooked regardless of whether I wanted to or not. And if I, by chance, eat out with my friends one in a way or skipped food, she used to throw a hissy fit and not a pretty, I-care-about-you one.

2) She never 'let me' go for nightouts with my friends. I tell her I'm going, she says no, you can't, I'm scared to be here by myself.

3) She sits and looks at herself in the mirror for hours on end. After a couple of minutes, it is just plain creepy.

4) She played the most tacky of songs on infinite loop loudly on her laptop all the time. This includes midnight, weekends and any other time I choose to be home.

5) She has about 6 guys salivating after her, each convinced that she is going to marry him. They probably spend all the time, energy and money on ensuring that their princess is happy. I admire her ability to ensure that none of them know about any of the others. This is apart from flirty texts at midnight to the house owner who she has wrapped around her finger.

6) Every chance she gets she makes me take pictures of her, in different poses and clothes. This is every second minute and regardless of what else I am doing.

7) She is so dirty. The kitchen hasn't been cleaning in atleast six months, the washroom has stains of i-don't-want-to-think-about-it, she doesn't flush properly, she sheds hair like snakes shed skin and every single square inch of the house is covered in it, she hasn't done laundry in the past three months and the laundry bag smells like no girl's clothes should ever smell. The kitchen clothes that she soaked last month, were still floating around in water when I vacated. The house reeks of the five day old bhaaji that she cooked for her puri and left behind. Open. In the cooker.

8) Creme de la creme. She hits people. Including me. And when I tried staving her off, she hit her own head against the wall and the door and threatened to call the police on me for hurting her.

And all this is only tip of the ice berg and I'm not even exagerrating.

The last couple of months, I have been afraid of going home, I leave for office by 8 30 am and get back home by 10 30 pm, spending more than ten hours in the office. I stayed away during the weekends as well, after a point just sitting at The Forum mall for lack of anything better to do. And when I go back, she still makes a face, makes derogatory comments and makes me out to be evil and uncaring.

She makes me wish the last eight months never happened.

On 15th August 2013, I moved, extremely happily, into a handkerchief sized place with a clean, beautiful washroom (yeah, another OCD), cheerful in the knowledge of not having to go through the trauma of another roommate. I finally get to put out my books without fear of someone tearing them out, put up my fairylights to satisfy a life's ambition and keep the place squeaky clean and smelling of rose incense.

AHHHHHHHHHH. The Sweet Smell of Peace Indeed.

But, after 7 moves in less than 17 months, all these buggers have left me questioning myself, asking myself if I am that difficult to live with.

Ugh.

P.S: I know this is too long a post but it is catharsis, please bear with me.

That's a lifetime of experience in 17 months! And the last question is really something to be pondered upon. ;) But hey, nothing wrong in insisting on having a clean, decent roomie. Congratulations on your "move". Peace be.

Haha... Pretending is just fine by me, I wish the last one felt the same :P

And yeah, only women have such problems. Men get along just fine or just ignore each other altogether. Which is find admirable because at the end of the day all you have to do is co-exist and that end is met.

I had a roommate for 6 to 12 months (can't remember the duration) whom never talks to me at all.Even when we bump into each other in campus, she won't even smile at all. I did tried to make some conversation with her but to no avail.. Till now I don't understand why but my friends says it might be because I'm from different race than her...whatever it is I'm didn't lose anything but She might :)

Oh man what psychos have you met in Bangalore? I wish you had let me know before though, I would have been of some help finding you a nice cozy place just for yourself considering the fact that I live 3 kms away.

I'm so glad you are out of that mess and all is well with you now.

Okay now I'm gonna sound like a 50 year old aunt. Get married, then you get to live with the best room-mate ever!

You seem to have a knack for attracting weird room mates ;) poor dear.. I had my share of scary room mates but they were nowhere as weird as some of your previous ones :) :).. I too like my place squeaky clean and smelling of good food actually ;) :) :)

Long post ? You should see me posts. I drag it 10 times the actual content.

And roommates! I don't like the idea in the first place. So 3 out of 4 years of Engineering, I preferred a single room, independent. I still would prefer the same, but economy is bad and worse in Bangalore.I can write about my roommates and that would be like a 1000 pages book on each one. But I try to avoid that by not allowing them to occupy my mind, well most of the time.

And you were with such people for 8 months ? Boy, you have patience.

But all this change is a fresh start, I guess. Enjoy. Stay happy.

And wait, sitting at Forum Mall doing nothing and checking into foursquare, not cool.:P Now I know the reason for such huge number. :P #JustKidding

What the hell!! Have you seriously put up with that monster?? Peevee, I feel like shaking you up. How could you be so naive and borne such a life :O I couldn't even read this ordeal with a straight face. And hitting ! This is freaking crazy and creepy.

I m just happy that you have moved out of that hell and please for God's sake treat yourself better :( No you are not difficult to live with, they are plain crazy!!!

I've had my share of bad room mates in the past four years. The first one being where I and all my mates were kicked out of the room, within two months, having no where to go for the remaining year, because of his ability to extract pity from the superiors and his suicide threats. One hell of a crazy guy. But no regrets. I now know what people to stay away from.Staying on your own is good but hope you get those awesome people to bunk with. Which I have been lucky to have an equal share of...

wow.. you really hit the jackpot with these roommates didn't you. I generally moved in with people I worked with and I can tell you that even that didn't work too well always. I've had real bad luck with places I chose. Like a house full of cockroaches. Another where water came only for an hour in the day.One where the car park flooded every time it rained and another where neighbour's snores could be heard from our bedroom.

I haven't had 'horrible' experiences with co-inhabitants per say but after reading your experience(s) and the other comments here - its safe to conclude I was probably on a long lucky streak with regards to sane room/floormates.

On the flip side; after the hell Roommate # 6 put you through - You're probably sufficiently trained to survive nay even do well in Women's prison :P.

PS: If I were you and had to gift Roomie #6 something for her birthday - I'd probably go with an offwhite Strait Jacket :D

Omg omg, I had a number 6 during my college days. She did almost all the things you have mentioned. Including making me shift with her to a rented house, an emotional blackmail tool that she was suffering from some terminal illness when all she had was sinusitis. She hated John and would make me feel guilty whenever I go out with him and oh yes, the un-flushed toilets and undone laundry. Nail to the coffin was when she insulted my mom. I lost my control n decided to shift that very day. But thankfully house owner chucked her out and I was so so relieved.

Okay the last one seemed ahh... ummm.... pretty interesting.Reminds me of Rose from two na half just a lil bit.Can I have her number please? I want to hook her up with a friend of mine. No seriously.Also Peevee, I am so sure she must be stalking you and must have read this post by now. Beware.

these psychos!! you wouldn't know one until you've met one. to them, the entire world is psychotic except of course you know who. And they'll try every trick to keep you in their clutches and when you drop them...they define you as a maniac nobody can live with. And if they work in the same office, you're doomed. they'll also say (in a strategic fight picked up in full office view) your previous roommate was a tortured soul, becoz U girl are very difficult to live with!! That's what the last one did when i decided to shift somewhere else without her. But never qstn yourself....I've had similar experiences but only twice after that i was wise enough to move into exactly the kind of place you've described for yourself here.A small room with a squeaky clean bathroom (which i left cleaner when i vacated the space), with a porch overlooking landlord's beautiful garden and a small window in my room, which was otherwise very airy. I just loved that room. lived there two years.Alone. In peace :)

Can totally understand it. I was also subjected to such psycho roomies for about 4 years in my life. Glad to know that you are out of that mess and now living happily :) Trust me, such people exist. My roomie was equally mental :D