15th Feb – arrive at Vancouver and fly to Calagary catch a bus to Banff National Park which is located in the Candaian Rockies! I’ll be stay for 4 nights. While I’ll in Banff national park, there is a chance I will see the Northen Lights, which is sooooo exciting and is something on my bucket list. I’m not trying to get to excited about it, just in case I don’t. The best part is the time I’m going, the Northen lights are known to be the brightest! I want to do hiking, hot springs and maybe some snow sports. Activities aren’t locked in yet. But here are some photos- Banff national park: Banff National Park Northen Lights:

19th Feb- catch the bus back to Calgary Airport and fly to Vancouver. Where I’ll stay in Vancouver for 3 nights ! I’m stay in the heart of Vancouver for so cheap, $180 for 3 nights. Which is fantastic !! I’m hoping to meet up with some of my Canadain Contiki friends while I’m here !

22nd Feb- leave Vancouver and fly to LA! Woo. I land at 5pm and fly out at 6am to go to Mexico, so I’m sleeping in the airport that night. By the time I leave LAX and arrive in LA it will be like 8-9pm and then I have to be at the airport at 3am the latest. So I will save some money and stay in the airport.

23 Feb- I flight from LA to Mexico and stay in Mexico City for 2 nights. Mexico has a lot of markets, churches and museums, so that’s what I will be doing in Mexico. Eat tacos and burritos, so excited !!!

25th Feb- I fly from Mexico to Lima, Peru ! I’m so excited about South America because it is my number one bucket list destination. I stay in Lima for one night until I start a small group tour !

26th Feb- I start a small group tour that goes for 14 nights. I will be traveling throughout Lima, traveling through The Amazon Raninforest, travelling through Cusco, trekking the Inca Trail (4 day trek,dead) up to Macchu Picchu (in love) and see all the Llamas, then through to Lake Titicaca and finally we end in La Paz in Bolivia !

12th March – the tour ends in La Paz but I start another one at night. This is a 4 night trip that heads to Uyuni Salt Falts and the Desert! I will be going to the salt falts, going to Red Lagoon, other Lagoons, I will get to spend the night in a hotel made of SALT !, and see flamingos! here some pictures, salt flats- Red lagoon –

16th March- the tour ends and I stay in La Paz for one more night. La Paz has Witches Markets which Im really hoping to see !

17th March – FLYING TO NYC! Soooooo New York is also a top travel destination, so I’m really excited. I will be staying in Manhattan for 5 nights, where I would love to see Times Sqaure, 9/11 Memorial, Central Park, a Broadway show, all that jazz. The classic tourist spots.

22nd March- fly from NYC to Las Vegas. I’m staying in Vegas for 3 nights, and in that time I want to see a show, walk the strip, gamble lol, hire a car and drive to the Grand Canyon!!

25th March – travel from Las Vegas to Anahiem which is about 40 mins from LA without traffic. But Anahiem is where Disneyland is ! I’m hoping to go to Disney but i need to see my budget, from what I saw its $200 a day or $300 for two days so will need to see. If I don’t, I’ll stay in Las Vegas a little Longer before heading to La.

28th March – I’ll travel from Anahiem to LA and discover Hollywood, Santa Monica Peri, walk of fame, hopefully see some celebs.

31st March- fly home

SO THATS MY AMAZING ONE IN A LIFE TIME TRIP. This is honestly a dream trip. Woooooooooo!! Words can’t describe !

After this trip, would mean I’ve been to 5 continents in 2 years!! Two more to go!!

If anyone has suggestions about what to do in these places, let me know !!

So as you may know I’m going to the usa and Canada next year wooo. But now I would love to extend to down to south America. Hike the Inca Trail in Pure and find myself amongst Machu Picchu, surround myself in the Amazon jungle and see myself in the mirrored salt flats of Uyuni in Bolivia.

The only thing is that South America is very expensive. So I may have to cut my time down in the USA which is fine because South America is my number one destination in the worllldddddd. I’m also currently waiting for approval for another two weeks on my holidays. But if not, I think I will still try and go to south America even for a little bit.

IF I DO GO TO SOUTH AMERICA, I WOULD HAVE BEEN TO 5 OUT OF 7 CONTINENTS! AT AGE 21. WOO.

I think if I do this trip, I will be able to get my life together when I get back. This has to be the last stupid thing I do for a while. BUTTTTT of course that is what I say know. I think this trip is me dealing with my 1/5 life crisis. lol…. send help.

A lot of people are also asking me why I’m doing this trip by myself. But you see, I have so many unanswered questions about myself. Who am I? what makes me happy? unhappy? sad? and so many more. I think I need to put myself alone with myself, I need to put myself in awkward situations and get lost, and laugh and make memories and try and make friends and get out of my comfort zone but also scare myself and be confused. Everything will work out, I will work it out. But I need to do this for myself. I NEED to. Over living my life the way I do.. Never to understand myself before I can help people and understand the world…

SOOOOOO IM GOING TO USA AND CANADA IN FEB NEXT YEARS OMG IM SO EXCITED.

SOOO this is my first trip that I’m doing completely solo… scary but I’m ready. This is a bit of a spiritual trip. I want to do a lot of self learning.. but anyways. I’m going for a month exactly and want to go to see everything I want to see. These are my plans(May change still in the planning stages but the flights are booked), keep in mind I’m trying to keep everything as cheap as possible:-

Leaving Sydney on the 15th of February and arrive in Vancouver the same day the 15th (Even though it’s a 30 hour flight.

Flying straight from Vancouver to Calgary airport and catch a bus to Banff in the Canadian Rockies, where I will be staying in Banff National Park for 4 nights.

I will then on the 19th be catching a bus from Banff back to Vancouver (which will take 14 hours but it’s ok cause I want to see the back roads) and stay in Vancouver for 3 nights.

On the 22nd on Feb, I will fly to Los Angeles and travel to Anaheim (which is only a 40 minute bus ride, which is where Disneyland is for 3 nights.

25th I will go back to LA and stay for 4 nights.

On the 1st of march I will fly to New York and stay for 6 nights.

Then I fly to Las Vegas on the 7th, wooo. Ill stay there for 4 nights,

then either fly or hire a car and travel to San Francisco for 3 nights on the 11th

Then head back to LA and stay the night and fly home the next day on the 15th.

IM SOO EXCITEDDDDDDD

if you have any recommendations let me know.

I have no actual plans yet, like what I’m doing in places, still need to plan it.

Travel to me is an amazing feeling. I honestly can’t explain it. But I’m going to try.

In the past year, I went from never leaving New South Wales and Queensland, in Australia to travelling to 12 countries and have another 3 booked for the next 8 months. HOW CRAZY. I’ve allllwaaayyyssss wanted to see the world and I’m actually making my dreams come true.

Here is a list of what countries I’ve been to:

AUSTRALIA, it’s where I live so it’s a given.

UK

France

Monaco

Italy

Germany

Liechtenstein

Vatican

Netherlands

Switzerland

Austria

Thailand

Wooo. Go me.

My nexts trips that are booked:

New Zealand, in August !

USA and Canada in February next year.

I honestly love the feeling of the airport, it’s like I know I’m going on an adventure. It’s the best feeling in the world. I just want to scream sometimes. haha. I love learning about other countries and seeing how different the world is. Like I said I really can’t put it into words. I love marking off countries off my list (this list has all the countries on it), and counting them. Not only that but learning and seeing the sights marking everything off my buck list and being able to say I’ve climbed the Eiffel Tower and eat snails in Paris, ate real spaghetti in Italy, went paragliding in Austria and went to the Swiss Apls. Amazing…

So my birthday was yesterday and I am freaking out. I think I’m having a 1/5 life crisis. Like I cpuldn’t sleep last night, I was freaking out. But that is a story for any other blog.

Anyways, like I said my birthday was yesterday and I turned 21. So I am an adult and can legally drink in every country, woo. I am not a huge party person so I didn’t want to hang and drink with friends. What I wanted to do was just hang out with family, family means everything to me and I always enjoy their company. My family who live about 5 hours away from me had to come to Sydney a couple weeks ago for a cruise they were broading for my Aunty and Uncles 10 year anniversary, I was invited but couldn’t afford the time off work. Anyways, so the best time for my family get together was on Saturday the 1st of July as they all just got off the ship and they were here in Sydney with us already, instead of them going home and coming back.

So Saturday night was my party. Mum brought my sister and niece up as they didn’t go on the cruise either. So all my favorite people were at my home celebrating with me. My mum, my Oma, my sister, brother, niece, Auntys and Unclces, Abby and her family. At some points there was a few awkward situations with the two families but we all played games, like piñata (that I made woo go me), pass the parcel, pin the tail on the donkey, and donut on a string. It was so funny. So that night was really good.

But then Monday was my actual birthday and my oma, sister and niece stayed for a extra couple of days for my actual birthday while everyone else had to return to their homes.

So on ym birthday I had to work for a couple hours, but I didn’t mind because I really enjoy the people I work with, but I was a little home sick knowing my family was at home without me. Although my family came in and gave me flowers When I got home we all went out for dinner then came home watched movies and played board games. Would not have wanted to spend it any other way. wooooo 🙂

I’m Jessica Elliott and I suffer from ADHD, anxiety, depression and depersonalization/derealisation and because of these, I struggle with self harm and suicidal thoughts.

So… this is something I wasn’t sure if I want to talk or post about this, with no one, as no one reads my posts anyways. But like I say a lot, I do it for me, helps get stuff off my mind but if someone does read this and it helps them. Then that’s a bonus, but in saying that I’m still unsure weather I will be posting this, but we will see. As I’ve mentioned plenty of my posts, I’m sick. I suffer from the above conditions, mental illnesses, whatever you want to call them. This post will be about everything above. How or why, just explaining stuff and thangs.

When I was 14 I tired to commit suicide. I swallowed 28, roughly, paracetamol. But not knowing, you can not overdose on paracetamol(that’s what the doctors said) but I could have done damage to my liver and could affect me when I’m older. Before I took the tablets, I was crying a lot and gave myself a headache from the crying, so I needed paracetamol to get rid of it. I can’t remember why I was crying, I think I had a fight with mum but I couldn’t stop myself from swallowing the whole packet and then some.

At this point, I can’t remember how long I was hurting myself. I don’t think it was long before. I remember the first time. I didn’t have a razor and I was to scared to use it anyways but I had tweezers, quite blunt but a little sharp and I just was trying to cut myself with them. Being a little blunt I went over and over the same spot until it drew blood. This was on my fore arm near my elbow crease. At this point in my life, I wasn’t (still not) wanted by my dad, my mum had her own issues that I wont go into detail, a lot of personal stuff was going on and I honestly didn’t have good friends.

I remember once, this guy, who I thought was one of my best friends, told me he hated me and that I was on his hit list (to kill list) in front of my other supposed best friends… Did I mention I was in year 4? What kid in year 4 has a hit list?.. He was also the group ‘leader’ so I lost all my friends and everyone hated me. This other time, my best friend who I had just given a best friend bracelet to, gave it back in front of all her friends, again being stranded. I remember it as clear as day, she didn’t say anything, she just gave it back and her other friends were staring at me and I looked at her in the eye just in disbelief and then I walked away. She and her friends always walked past me and flipped me off or called me a loser.. this was year 5.

Anyways, you probably are thinking everyone has these things in primary school, but it shaped me, and its just a small taste of what happened and then this followed me to high school..

Oh, and something else would be that I didn’t hear from my dad for about a year since we had moved away, so I tired to call him. His wife answered, and told me I had the wrong number… so at this point I hadn’t heard from him in about 5 or 6 years. I don’t blame his wife anymore, he didn’t try, he never tried.

So I didn’t have much going for me. I remember going to bed after swallowing them and thinking I wasn’t going to wake up. I don’t know why but my brother and I, (can’t remember if my sister was there), we moved our mattresses to the lounge room and we were sleeping there. As I was falling asleep, I reached for Alex’s hand and kept holding it as I fell asleep. I woke up, throwing up EVERYWHERE. Mum just thought I was really sick, so I stayed in bed all day. I counted how many times I threw up and how often. It was every 30 minutes and after I threw up I would feel better until it would build up again and throw up again. I think I counted 50 times I threw up in that day. I couldn’t hold anything down. I was getting scared. I remember telling mum why I was so sick. She kept asking why. why. why. why. why. I can’t 100% remember what I said but it was like, ‘because I’m sad.’..

Mum rushed me to the hospital and I remember the doctors kept asking me why. why. why. why. I remember being in the hospital bed and being surrounded by doctors. I think the worst part of it all was mum having to leave me because my sister and brother were at home so my Oma (grandma) had to come and sit with me. I was so sad and embarrassed. I don’t know why I was embarrassed but I think it had something to do with my Oma being one of my favourite people in the world. She only asked me why once.

The only thing I could sometimes hold down was a drink of half milk and half water. I cant remember how long I was in hospital for. I know it was a short stay it was either over night or for 2 nights maybe. But I remember leaving the hospital and being in the car. As we were driving, I put my hand outside the window and being in the sun. Feeling it on my skin, I hadn’t seen the sun in a few days and I was so so weak and sad. I loved the feeling of the sun on my skin… I was just focused on the sun. It made me happy. I told myself I didn’t want to be in this situation again. Little did I know, it takes more then just saying that to get better..

From here, I moved in with a family member in another state while mum was saving and sorting out everything to move down with me. I, to this day am so disappointed that I left my brother.. but anyways that’s a story for another time. Moving in with family, was not good. I had never felt so alone… I went through a lot personally. They just were different and ran differently to what I was use to. There were a lot of fights and tears but I don’t want to go into detail. So I turned again to hurting myself. I had a bobby pint hat I had removed the plastic ends. I use to run it over and over my thigh, there was a lot of blood.

I moved out and moved back in with mum once mum had moved down. Now at this point, with everything that I was feeling I didn’t even think I was depressed. It wasn’t until a friend mentioned it to me. I thought I was fine just got sad sometimes.

Now I’m 15 and more shit happened, gained friends, lost friends, starting drinking there for a small bit, started smoking a little bit as well. Not crazy, because I knew it was wrong. It didn’t last very long. Then more shit happened, then shit, found out I had depersonalization/derealisation, shit, shit. Everything shit. I don’t want to go into crazy detail. I think I’ve already gone in to much detail. I might delete some stuff.. lol.

Fast forward to today, I’m sad. All the time. Sometimes I just cry all day, on and off. I really just don’t know some days. Somedays I honestly want to die. I am not going in to detail as to how I feel and what I think about when it comes to suicide because I don’t want to put something it in someone elses head. But I still hurt myself from time to time but i don’t want to talk about how. Makes me a bit uncomfortable to say how and again I don’t want to put it in someones head.. The only person I will talk about how I feel is my phycologist.

Speaking about my phycologist, he laughed when I mentioned suicide. I’m not going to him anymore, I also wasn’t getting better. He wasn’t helping me. He said, ‘When you have the flu, you don’t get kill yourself. You get better.’ as he laughed. Which is true, but made me feel a lot worse.

I’ve stopped talking about my feelings to people, which is good kinda. I don’t just go and speak to someone. I’m forced to actually process my feelings. Why I’m sad. Why I feel the way I do. I’m also not bothering people.

BUT!! I’m trying to get better. I’m really trying… I keep writing post about how I’m getting better. So if you are interested, read them.

Thanks for reading.

By the way,if you have any questions, let me know. Also, I’m always here if anyone wants to talk..

So, this is something I’vewanted to talk about with someone and again feel lost, alone and don’tknow who to talk to so why not write a blog on my blog website that no one reads, haha woo…

Anyways, about a month ago I was talking about how I am sad and I don’t know why. Their response and I quote,’ wow, this is so draining.’…… so yea, I was pretty gobbsmached, speechless, I really don’t know. HURT. Backstabbed, lonely.. you name it.

After some thinking, I realised that it would be draining. and I don’t blame them anymore. I have known this friend for years, and have always turned to them for help. So I completely agree, it’s so draining.It’s soooo draining for myself, let alone everyone I’m involving in my own nightmare. So I have now desided to shut up. Not tell my friends or family anything any more keeping everything to myself. So more darker days are getting darker. BUT my brighter days are getting a little less gloomy. But it’s funny, me not talking about my issues has put a strain on my friendship now.

I’ve been trying to get happy and maybe cutting this friend off will be better for them, better for the person I love. It was selfish to tell people my issues all the time. So so selfish. The people I love deserve so much better. So so so much better. Time to hold everything in, and sort it out instead of spilling it onto the people I love and effecting them. The people I love deserve more then the negativity that I give out, that I feel about life.

My feelings aren’t the only ones that matter.

I guess that is the biggest thing about getting better. Getting darker but I get through it.

I’m so, so sorry to all my friends, family and loved ones. You all deserve so much better. I will get better. I love you.

Thank you for reading.

Posts navigation

Text Widget

This is a text widget. The Text Widget allows you to add text or HTML to your sidebar. You can use a text widget to display text, links, images, HTML, or a combination of these. Edit them in the Widget section of the Customizer.