North Korea vows nuclear war: panicky West sends for Photoshop

“We will cope with the US nuclear threat with a merciless nuclear attack. And we will face this infiltration with a justified all-out-war. This is our military and our people’s unchangeable stance. The US and those followers should clearly know that everything is different in the era of respected Kim Jong-un.”

Our man in The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea has been warned. A spokesman for the Foreign and Commonwealth Office said.

“They [North Koreans] invited the embassies and organisations present at the meeting to inform them by April 10 what assistance they would require from the DPRK [Democratic People’s Republic of Korea] should they wish to be evacuated.”

In Pyongyang, Britain’s Ambassador, Michael Gifford, his wife, Patricia, and their staff are working out whether to eat the packet of Rich Tea biscuits they bought for a treat now and hang the future. Surender is sure to follow the North Korean’s warning. It’s the one sensible move in the face of Kim Jong-un’s might. The only thing we can do to kill time until Kim takes over Plant Earth is to harness the full force of Photoshop.