Naming the baby after a dead relative.

My SO (significant other) and I just found out we are having a boy. I was really hoping for a irl because I wanted to avoid the drama that has come with naming him.

Problem: SO (significant other) wants to name the boy Samuel(Sam) after his grandfather who passed away in 2008. He grew up without a father and his grandfather was his father figure so he saw him as the best person ever. SO’s family is TINY ( his mom, his aunt, and him) and when his grandfather died it took a huge toll on the family to the point that they are STILL sad and meet every year on October 8 to celebrate his death and go to lunch/dinner.

I am highly opposed to giving our son the name Sam even as a middle name because culturally(on my side) it would be VERY bad luck to name our child after an ancestor who died many years ago that the family still mourns. I want our son to come into the world with life; his own fresh new identity and have a name that he can build, create, grow into happily. Not a name that has sadness and grief attached to it.

When SO (significant other) and I got together I moved to his birth/hometown. We live in the house his grandfather built as well as died in( he died right in the TV room). SO (significant other) was born in this town and his mom and aunt were born/live here as well. I feel as though it is my right to be able to then give my son a first and middle name because SO (significant other) and his side of the family gets everything. I’d like to live in the same town as my parents and be able to name my son something my side of the family chooses, however, I understand compromise and it seems as though SO (significant other) and his family do not.

*the baby will be the first grandchild on BOTH sides of the families. *

Comments (19)

You should feel comfortable with your child's name, period. We are having a girl and DF (dear fiancee) and MIL (mother-in-law) both asked me to use her middle name. I would have but it's also my sister's middle name and I have a very tough relationship with my sister so I just refuse. I said I'm sorry but I don't want my daughter's name attached to something that has caused me so much negativity. I love my MIL (mother-in-law) but I had to say no. I'm the one who will be looking at and saying this name for her entire life. I need to love it.

I can compromise to have Sam be a middle name, but just Sam and not the full name Samuel. This family after almost 10 years is not done mourning this loss and tbh it’s heartbreaking/scary. I can’t do it.

Our daughters middle name is after my Aunt who passed away from ovarian cancer, but we don't mourn her. She was an amazing woman and had a big impact on our lives for the little time that she was in it. I had my mom ask us to name the baby after my sister who has a daughter, I asked my mom why my sisters daughter wasn't named after me it would only be fair right? I don't understand why other people think that they can have an opinion about your babies name. I could go with Sam as a middle name, not Samuel, so it's kind of after the grandfather and then it's his own name too. Good Luck!

That is rough. And if you’re not comfortable with the name that is a hard conversation you have to have with your DH (dear husband) until he gets it. Maybe there’s another compromise that can be made. Grandfather’s middle name as your son’s middle name? I hope you two find a name you can both love.

Your 7-month-old: Week 2

By now, you may have already told your baby that the phone isn't a toy, or that rattles aren't for throwing, or that her sister's hair isn't for pulling. At this age, your baby may begin testing your authority by refusing to follow your simple directions.
Read More

This Internet site provides information of a general nature and is designed for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your own health or the health of your child, you should always consult with a physician or other healthcare professional. Please review the Terms of Use before using this site. Your use of the site indicates your agreement to be bound by the Terms of Use.

This site is published by BabyCenter, L.L.C., which is responsible for its contents as further described and qualified in the Terms of Use.

You are passing a message to a BabyCenter staff member.
For the fastest help on community guidelines violations, please click 'Report this' on the item you wish the staff to review.
For general help please read our Help section or contact us.