Still with me? Yes, 85/15 sheep/human. Which parts are human!?, you ask. Well, the organ parts, that’s what. Because professors at the University of Nevada want to try out the cannibalism thing (roasted liver, anyone?), but without the whole uncomfortable stigma associated with cooking actual people. Or, they’re trying to create replacement organs for transplant patients. Not sure.

Either way, all these scientists have done is to create some potentially-very-pissed-off sheep. Fifteen percent human is just smart enough to realize the injustice of some farmer jerkhole shaving your natural coat every winter and sending his herd-dogs nipping at your bare ass.

(It’s also just smart enough to land a reality show with Fox to showcase your complete uselessness. Ha! Burn!)

Well, thank goodness we have nothing to fear from some overly-intelligent, angry sheep… gentle creatures that they are…

I’m not jerking you around, here, people. These are facts. I read them on the Internets. As we all know, you can take that to the bank.

So what do you get when you put these two developments together? A frightening amount of real-life nastiness that looks like the premise of Black Sheep.

Not concerned? Think that these are two solitary events that have little chance of evolving into a worst-case-scenario? Don’t think that violent, savvy attack-sheep could be the final factor that plunges the world into anarchy? Well, just remember: G.W. Bush getting elected and our getting attacked on 9/11 somehow became the quagmire in Iraq in which we find ourselves today. (Here ends the sanctimonious political statement.)

Just because a particular nightmare scenario seems unlikely–or even inconceivable–doesn’t mean that you should discount it. Always expect the unexpected. I bet you didn’t know that the volcano in Yellowstone park is overdue for an eruption that would “devastate the economies of the surrounding states,” did you?

Hence, sheepery (n.): An unforeseen factor causing the ruination of a project, effort, or state-of-being. Usage:

1.

Q: “What happened to your beautiful new car?”A: “Sheepery in the form of a pack of monkeys that escaped from the zoo.” OR “Dude. Absolute sheepery.”

2.Jack Bauer’s CTU missions suffer from sheepery every time his daughter gets kidnapped.

3. The Emperor failed to anticipate the Ewok-sheepery that would help bring down the Intergalactic Empire.

Please provide your own examples in the comments. I’ll use the best one to add sheepery to the the Urban Dictionary and will give you mondo credit here on GWS.

UPDATE: Congratulations, Cindi! I included your example in the submission of sheepery to the Urban Dictionary. Cross your fingers and check the status of the submission to see if it makes the final cut!

Hey, I just checked the status, and it says, “Your submission was canceled before it was reviewed by editors.” Eh?

I looked this up because I have another submission to the Urban Dictionary:

Pass-through re-gifting (v): To return an unwanted gift to a store, then use the cash or store credit to buy a gift for someone else. Ex. “The gift she bought my son was totally inappropriate, so I pass-through re-gifted it into a baby shower present for Jane.”