(…)Also, don't forget that Saul, one of the most honored and respected Pharisees, had studied scripture his whole life, and based on what he understood of scripture was prosecuting Christians to their deaths until he heard Jesus speak to him on the road! Only then was he able to truly understand Jesus and had his name changed to Paul! Check it out for yourself in the book of Acts!Are you better than Saul? Can you really grasp the Living God by reading alone? If so, great, and highly unusual, too.Jesus also stressed the critical importance of a 'personal' relationship with Him, in His analogy rejecting the foolish young women by saying, "Truly I say to you, I do not know you."(Matthew 25:12) Unless I understand that line of His in the context of a personal relationship, it makes no sense to me. Jesus did not say, "I do not know about you"!Reading the Bible is critically important, I re-read it the same way I re-read my wife's love letters. My "personal" relationships with both authors are much more important.(…)

I found the above when, once again, I was wondering how to have a really personal relationship with Jesus Christ. The passage above seems to hold a lot of truth, and it reflects what I have been thinking about for quite a while. I know what Jesus said in the Bible, but my personal relationship with him always seemed rather strange to me. A relationship requires interaction, trust, mutual understanding, and the security that comes from knowing from personal experiences that all these things are there.

I have been a believer for almost 10 years now, and I am still unsure about the interaction and ‘understanding’ parts. I mean, I trust him and I have no doubt that he understands *me*, but quite often I feel like a blind man. I read the Bible, but do I really interact with him? Do I understand him? I understand the need for blind faith and I do believe in Jesus, but when I am honest to myself, then I am not able to bring up the necessary blind faith in me interacting with JESUS, and me understanding what he wants from me specifically. It is like with my dreams. I am not even sure whether they are from him. The same goes for the answers I get in my prayers. They are either extremely general, unspecific, or so specific and direct that I wonder whether I am fooling myself or not.

Right now what I hear is like what you get from an old radio when the frequency is not properly set to a particular channel. I get to hear SOMETHING, but at the same time I know that I am missing a lot. Also, to go even further with my ‘radio’ comparison, when I try to finetune my inner radio to get a better reception, then I worry that I might have set it to an entirely different channel without me having noticed it. On the other hand, maybe I am worrying about nothing. Maybe I am already able (with God’s help of course) to finetune my radio, but if this is the case, then I really yearn for God to tell me so. Problem is, how is this supposed to happen? If I should receive his voice with my inner radio, then I would most likely ask myself whether my inner radio is really set to the right frequency.

In this I feel akin to Saul. Saul’s inner radio must have received ‘something’ too, but he obviously got the message all wrong until Jesus spoke to him personally. This is also exactly what I am praying for. I yearn for Jesus to either tell me that I can already finetune said inner radio (doubtful), or that he is going to tell me how to finetune it. I guess this means that I want my level of understanding to grow. I know that this will also increase God’s expectations from me, but frankly, I am so not content with my current level of understanding that I yearn for it to improve.

Still, I only wonder how this is supposed to happen. I can impossibly achieve this myself, and I pray and read the Bible about it, but I constantly feel like somebody who is struck with a special form of blindness. It is as if I can feel that the answers I am looking for are right before my eyes, but I can still not see them.

Anyway, I hope this makes sense.Any input on this is greatly appreciated.

I agree with you... the bible is wonderful, and I treasure it. But our relationship is with a living God and I want to see and hear and experience him.

5 years ago someone asked me where I wanted my spiritual walk to be in 5 years time... and I said I want to see God. (most of the group dismissed what I said... some seemed to want to see it as figurative, and the bible study leader told me that she didn't believe it was possible, but if it was, it would cost me dearly) I wanted it, I wanted a real relationship with him and have been striving that way since then.

I am infinitely closer to him than I was 5 years ago... and I can see now that there is infinitely closer I can get :o) there is a verse that says something like he has depths that no-one can plumb.... but it also says we have the mind of Christ and the Holy Spirit and that they know those depths!

I have found that he speaks to me and he answers prayers, sometimes in the most individual and intimate ways... but I still have to accept that it is him and not my imagination. I have found that my ears have been getting better... I can tell what is not him... the bible is like a frame for me... if something is consistent with the person I read of in the bible... it just has a ring about it. I can sense it when it is not from him... and now that I am trying to describe how, I can't put words to it! I began by taking the things I heard/saw and saying well, if I believed that was from God, what would I do? and then I did it... sometimes this exercise brings out for me that it is not from God because the thing I would do in response doesn't ring true.

Hold out for the real thing Habakkuk, he is there and real and so worth the effort of waiting and stripping away distractions and striving towards... (I don't mean that as a works thing, I mean it as a focus... an end point... like running the race to win the prize...)

One instance that happened for me was that as I was sitting praying with my prayer partners (two of them... we pray each week), it was the first time I prayed in tongues in front of them (I was given this gift because I asked for it - after 30 years of being a christian and not really wanting it ) anyway, I prayed with them at first and then they stopped and listened... When I stopped, one of them said he had a verse that kept popping into his head...

When he told me what that verse was, tears sprung into my eyes... I had never told anyone how much that particular verse meant to me... I knew that God had given it to him, because no-one else could have. It was a verse about the way He sees me... it was personal and it was perfect.

Anyway, I don't know that I have really answered your question, but hopefully you can hear my heart saying yes, there is personal relationship and yes, you can have it. I can't tell you if you are hearing from him, or tuned in to the right station, but he can. May I suggest that you take the next thing you think might be from him and believe it and run with it and see where he takes you? Find some people who want this too and get to know them as well... this is a journey that has been better with a brother and sister walking the same road... we don't all travel the same speed, but they have been able to encourage me when I have been despondent, and I them.

Bless you Habakkuk, God loves it when we seek after him, and he promises to be found by us. I will pray for you!

Today, on my way back home, I prayed a bit. I did so without spoken words, and I got an interesting reply upon my request for Jesus to talk with me. It was “But I am already talking with you.”. I also asked him for a sign that would show me that I can trust myself there, but I could not really understand the answer. It sounded something like “You will. Soon.”, but it was very unclear.

Maybe I should really just go ahead as if these answers are all from God. I mean, this is exactly what I was already told from 2 other sources, but it is still difficult to put this into practice.

A friend of mine said to me that when she steps out and does it - she still trembles cos' it is hard to do!

And I've found that even when you do get to know his voice better, sometimes the thing you are going to do seems just odd. I recently had a message for someone (I was praying really seriously for them at the time and had asked for something to help them) I saw two words... fleeting, disconnected things that floated in front of me and could have easily been forgotten if I didn't write them down. I thought that going to someone with that - two random words - would be the weirdest thing out. well... those words that meant nothing to me, had meaning for them... and were like keys that unlocked something. I am so glad I didn't dismiss the message! I knew that I could be wrong... that I could be giving credence to fluff from my own head... but I knew too that these words were just not "me". So I shared... I shared because I cared about the person more than I cared about looking like an idiot [which was entirely possible].

That friend that I mentioned at the beginning told me that God has promised her that he will cover her butt if she makes a mistake. I laughed and asked if that promise was universal :o) It makes sense though doesn't it??? If we come in humility and with love for God and for others, and we pray and are serious about hearing... and we do hear and trust and then find that we are wrong... I do believe that God would cover our mistakes... he is compassionate and he humbles the proud, he doesn't humble the one who sincerely seeks him and trembles at his word.

:o) Put your hand in his Habakkuk and run with it. :o)

Read the Bible, and know his character and you won't be easily fooled... trust the Holy Spirit to make you feel peace or disquiet and step out in faith.

Bless you... God loves your heart! He loves those who seek after him and whose delight is in him!

Weird thing is, I suspect that this is in tune with Jesus' character! I just have to think of one dream where I saw him. I don't know how to explain it, but he came across as a rather tough man with a kind heart.

You know, I dislike most pictures that are supposed to represent Jesus Christ. In most he looks all nice and understanding (not that this is bad in itself!), but most show him with a rather small frame. Personally, I imagine him to have broad shoulders, and him being very muscular, but without looking like a body builder. Given the fact that he was a carpenter by trade I must say that this sounds much more likely than what most artists seem to think. Do a google search for the terms "Jesus carpenter" and you will find a lot of pictures that show what I mean. :)