For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.ephesians 3:14-20

this concludes 31 days on Provision. To see the first post in the series clickhere. To read the entire series clickhereand read backwards (the first post is listed last, the latest post is listed first-i don't know how to change that. thank you for grace.)

I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go.

i was walking along admiring some art and various quotes all art-ed up. but his quote stopped me in my tracks. i stood and stared at it and pondered. pondered what it must have been like for him to be president during the civil war. pondered when he said that-maybe it was before he was president? instantly i felt like i knew the man. because i knew by experience exactly what he expressed so well.

as i?ve been thinking through this theme of provision this month-and the many time?s i?ve found myself driven to my knees because there was no where else...

i see the gift of having nowhere else to go-it?s teaching me to choose to go nowhere else. my need is so great and His provisions my only hope.

because life is hard. and the days are long. and the years are short. and discouragement is everywhere. and life is beauty-full. and the days are filled with romance and art and breakfast in bed menus and sun sets that take my breath away.

the really hard stuff. and the really beautiful stuff. both and all of it-

He sees it before, He takes measures beforehand, for security, defense, attack, and the supply of wants. he makes ready for future use. He provides......

i was talking with my Father this morning. and the truth that He whispered into my heart is this:

it?s really about you and I. (our relationship)

about your heart growing and expanding as you

experience Me

By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence. And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises.2 Peter 1: 3-4.

this is part of a 31 day series on Provision. To see the first post in the series clickhere. To read the entire series clickhereand read backwards (the first post is listed last, the latest post is listed first-i don't know how to change that. thank you for grace.)

when they call i don?t want to answer. when i answer i don?t want to help. when they lost my number i was delighted. now they have it again, i?m not delighted in the least bit. when i help it is out of obedience, not desire. i?m unable to now discern boundaries-because i want to build up a high tower and secure my fortress so that it is impenetrable-those are the boundaries i would like to operate under.

another thing i?m chewing on that my pastor said Sunday; (his first day back after 6 weeks of leave) is this:

This summer i told the Lord over and over, ?i can?t live like this?

now it?s; ?how do i live like this??

i?ve been saying it too. for different reasons, but i can?t count how many times i?ve said to the Lord; ?i can?t live like this.?

how do i welcome people into my world whom i don?t love and don?t want to love? how do i smile when i pick them up and say a cheerful hello when what i really feel is.....aarrgg?

hypocrite.

it sounds so harsh and i so want to tell all about why how i?m feeling is perfectly justifiable.

and some things may be-if my heart wasn?t so selfish and hardened against them i would be able to discern that.

but my heart has calloused over and there is no love there that i can conjure up.

so here i am.

telling the truth about it.

to the One who is safe to bear it all to.....and the internet? that feels a little....um...foolish.

but that is the truth of this heart of mine.

and the only hope is the One who died for love of me.

the One whose power raises the dead.

these words of Switchfoot have been such an encouragement. they?ve been on repeat in my brain for over a week now. (from the Lord i?m sure so that i?d process through this awareness of my sin straight to the gospel and who. He. is. )

i?m not copping out.

because He?s raising the dead in me.

For God Who said, Let light shine out of darkness, has shone in our hearts so as [to beam forth] the Light for the illumination of the knowledge of the majesty and glory of God [as it is manifest in the Person and is revealed] in the face of Jesus Christ (the Messiah).

However, we possess this precious treasure [the divine Light of the Gospel] in [frail, human] vessels of earth, that the grandeur and exceeding greatness of the power may be shown to be from God and not from ourselves.2 Corinthians 4:6-7

i keep forgetting to add this in....

this is part of a 31 day series on Provision. To see the first post in the series clickhere. To read the entire series clickhereand read backwards (the first post is listed last, the latest post is listed first-i don't know how to change that. thank you for grace.)

all those years homeschooling, one thing i couldn?t teach my children was art.

we finger painted and colored with chalk and played with clay. but there was no formal teaching going on.

my youngest struggled to find himself.

What color popsicle do you want?

What color do you think i should have?

this sort of thing happened all the time. i prayed and longed for him to first know how he felt or what he wanted, and then have courage to express it.

last year we (he and i) decided to homeschool one more year. he just didn?t feel ready yet to join his brother at our neighborhood public school. so i was in the bookstore buying some materials and i ?stumbled? upon an Art curriculum. It looked like something i could actually be successful at using. i stood and prayed and pondered for a bit. i had enrolled my daniel in a ?thursday school? where he would take electives like art and spanish and pe. but the Spirit nudged and i bought it.

lesson 1 was going along great until it was time for him to do the art. the book didn?t tell him specifically what to draw or how to draw it ?here?s how to draw a bear-now you draw a bear.? no, it taught a concept and gave freedom in applying that concept at the childs level. ?Artist?s compose, here?s what it means to compose. now you pick a few things to compose into a picture.?

he sat and sat and sat and cried and begged me to just tell him what to draw.

but i wouldn?t.

and i grieved watching him struggle so.

but finally he drew something.

and learned that he could.

and all year long this art changed him.

no.... not it changed him.

it drew him out.

and he grew in confidence and opinions and expressing of himself (and so yes, we experienced more conflict in the home)

but that was so worth seeing my guy develop more into who he actually was.

and it was the art that facilitated it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

something in me began to look. listening to a friend describe what she is learning about herself from taking an art class. watching my daughter and i and what comes out in the pottery class we take. what happens inside me when i choose to begin to write here.

that same year of daniel and this art ?class?, i did a year long study in Genesis and right away at the very beginning i see these words:

in the beginning God created....

and i look around and take in the art of the first Artist.

i listen to the freedom that brings a fellow studier; ?i?m an interior designer. when i create i am acting as His image bearer. i never saw myself that way. i always thought my job was fluff compared to ?things more spiritual?

So... this picture really belongs at the top of the courage post and the Northern Red Fisher belongs at the top of this post. oh well....i may change it eventually

May you experience joy after courage, wisdom for the needs of the moment, and when words are short on supply, may you find comfort and encouragement in the Psalms and stories of those who?ve gone before. The Lord bless you and watch, guard, and keep you; The Lord make His face to shine upon and enlighten you and be gracious (kind, merciful, and giving favor) to you; The Lord lift up His [approving] countenance upon you and give you His peace (tranquility of heart and life continually).(numbers 6:25-27)

This week i pray you are provided the experience of rest in the Fatherly care of the One who loves you deeply.