Just me, aspiring mystic, lover of blue roses (a thing between my grandmother and I), and my thoughts, hopes, dreams, feelings...that which catches and holds my attention...out there for GOD and everyone to see...

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Life has a tendency to go on…whether you want it to or not,
whether you are ready or not, whether it hurts or not. And my life has gone on…

I have a rhythm…up at 6:30AM, work at 8:15, off at 5:15ish.
Monday, Wednesday and Thursday I go to water aerobics…Saturdays I take the
soon-to-be-ex the car. The way we are doing the car exchange pretty much
guarantees I don’t get to go anywhere on my days off. This is frustrating to me
but there seems to be nothing I can do to change it, which is a tad
discouraging.

I met a man at work. We went to coffee and he talked for about
an hour and a half…I’m thinking we won’t work as a “dating couple”.

There were a couple of really trivial things I didn’t like
about him (he didn’t brush his hair before coming to coffee, he just put it
back in a ponytail all matted on the side; he unbuttoned the top 3 buttons of
his button-up shirt, showing his chest hair, which I consider icky, and one
thing that really bothered me…He had a great job with the city and because they
asked him to learn to use a computer for his inventory, he chose to retire
early (from a job he stated he LOVED) rather than learn this new technology. To
me that is an indication of a set-in-his-wayness that I don’t think I could
handle. And, he down-talked his boys to a degree that made me uncomfortable.

One of my friends said, “Give him another chance, you might
be wrong and “anything is better than
being alone forever.” I was a tad floored by that comment. To “settle” for
whatever because one might be alone indicates a fear of being alone that I do
not share. I haven’t minded being alone, per se, although there is much about
being in a couple that I miss…So I am not going to date someone simply because
the alternative is my own company.

I am a tad spoiled, having been married to a vibrant man 20
years my junior that shared my love of sci-fi and technology. I know this will
be an issue for some men my own age…Sigh. Not that he had a “young” body, per
se…He was kind of soft and squishy…that isn’t what I desired, it was his
essence, his spark, that which called me into passion. I am not sure I will
ever experience that level of passion again. That is a thought that makes me a
tad sad…but I’m not going to rule it out. It might be out there…Mostly I miss
kissing…I miss it very, very much. But most men will not be content with just a
kissing relationship…they will want more. And it is this “more” that I’m not
sure I am ever going to be able to give again…