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Scott Wegener is a multi award-winning creative writer who believes in looking on the lighter side of life’s predicaments but still values how serious life is. This site features a wide variety of Scott's published and performed works. If you want to use any of these pieces, or commission something origional, contact Scott Wegener

Dec 24, 2016

Royal Christmas

Brief: A Christmas drama to introduce a sermon on 'What if Jesus was treated like royalty. What if Jesus never suffered'.

[ Door opens and Jo enters, crickets are heard in the background, moon/ stars on the screen]

Jo: Here we are. [looks around] This will have to do sorry. It’s like the last place available.

[put travel bag on ground]

[ Mary enters, holding back and heavily pregnant]

Mary: Oh, what a day! My back’s killing me!

Jo: I bet, and spare a thought for the donkey!

Mary: What??

Jo: Nothing!

Mary: [Suspicious stare for a moment]. Do you think we’ll make it to Bethlehem tomorrow then?

Jo: Yes, Should make it before dark, no problems.

Mary: Great. You know, this child being from God, you think He could have planned it around the census.

Jo: Well, it’s not uncommon to have unplanned babies.

Mary: Right? It was an accidental miraculous conception of the Messiah?

Jo: Stranger things have happened.

Mary: Ummm.... No... they... haven’t.

Jo: True.

Mary: Oh, I wish we were in Bethlehem already.

Jo: Well, if we didn’t stop for so many bathroom breaks we WOULD have made it tonight.

Mary: Mate, next time I hope the Lord miraculously gives YOU the child to carry, and we’ll see how you like jolting on a donkey for a couple of days, with a child tap-dancing on your bladder.

Jo: Fair enough.

Mary: I really think you should book a place in Bethlehem, just to be sure.

Jo: Nah, there’ll be heaps of options in town. Certainly better than this: [wipes hand on object for dust] this place is hardly fit for animals!

Mary: Well I’m exhausted. Think I’m going straight to bed. Thanks for your care again today. Sorry if I get snappy. I’m just stressed about this whole responsibility of raising the Messiah. I hope we can do a good job.

Jo: You know, I lie awake at night thinking about that too. Why us? What do we know about kids?! How will he get educated? How can we get him into power to begin his Kingdom rule?

Mary: I can’t see how we can make it happen. Such responsibility...

Jo: I guess we can only pray and do our best.

[sit for a moment in silence]

Jo: We’ll I’m going to find some hay for Don and then get to bed myself. Sweet dreams Mary [kisses on the forehead ] See you in the morning.

Jo: Yep it’s a beautiful day. I think we can actually see Bethlehem too, now we have sunlight.

Mary: Ok, let's get this over with! [yawns] You know, I think I might walk today. I’m feeling much better this morning.

Jo: Oh, ok. Good for you.

[Both walk out door and come back in, close door and walk to other side of the stage, stars on screen again]

Mary: Bethlehem! Well, that was quick!

Jo: I guess time flies when you're carrying the Messiah!

Mary: Umm... Jo... I can’t help but notice ALL the inns have ‘Full’ signs showing.

Jo: All but that last one!

Mary: Oh, praise the Lord! [at Jo] Lucky!

[As they approach the door on the other side of the stage the Innkeeper comes out and hangs a Full sign up]

Jo: You’ve gotta be kidding me!

Mary: Told you we should have booked!

Jo: No, I’m going to get us a room. We didn’t travel all this way, carrying the Messiah of the world, to be left on the street.

[Bangs on the door - muffled voice comes through the door]

Innkeeper: We’re full, sorry.

Jo: I just need to ask you something, kind sir?

Innkeeper: Is this about my taxes?

Jo: No, I’m not a tax collector.

Innkeeper: Are you selling rat traps? We’re not interested. We’ve installed a cat in every room already.

Jo: No, no.

Innkeeper: [opens door] You’re not here to inspect our kitchen? [turns head and speaks fake excitedly] “Marge, the kitchen inspector’s here, do come out once you finish [through teeth] emptying the compost.” So nice of you to visit, can I get you a drink perhaps?

A baby? No, no lambs here.... A child.... OH!! Yes, the Messiah in fact. How did you know?... you saw angels.... Late night was it? Owls keep you up?.... I see, well, He’s not ready for visitors yet, but do come back in a week or so. And make sure you dress up a little better when you return, this IS the Messiah you're visiting! Good day. [closes door]

Wow, word does travel fast! [walks across stage then another knock. Pauses, grumbles and turns back to the door and opens it roughly]

I thought I said.... Oh, hello. How can I help you three, noble sirs?... Are those for me???... Oh the Messiah, right! Of course. What have we here? A bit of spare change and perfume. Well, I suppose these will have to do. All you could scramble together at such short notice I guess. Look, the jewellers open on the corner of main and 5th at 9am. Why don’t you pop down there and pick something up for Jesus, and... Yes, Jesus they’ve named him, and when you return they’ll probably be out of bed. It’s been a very long night, as you could imagine... ok then... byebye now.

[Walks across stage and back through another door - a stage hand changes the scene partition revealing a priest with his back to the audience - A few moments later Mary and youthful Jesus enter stage]

Jesus: Wow, so THIS is what the temple looks like. Bea-u-ti-ful!

Mary: It is, isn’t it. Hey look, there’s a priest, why don’t you go and ask him all your questions? Perhaps he’ll be able to answer them for you. I’ll go do some shopping with your dad.

Jesus: Thanks Mother. Don’t forget me!

[ Mary leaves, Jesus approaches priest ]

Jesus: Excuse me, kind sir.

[Priests turns around - scroll in hand - and speaks in a condescending way]

Priest: Can I help you?

Jesus: Yes, I have some questions perhaps you can answer for me.

Priest: I’m sure I have the answers but whether you will understand them young boy... you may be wasting my time. I have important business to tend to, boy.

Jesus: I apologise for interrupting you. But I do have some difficult questions no one can seem to answer.

Priest: [mutters - ‘This shouldn’t take long’] What is it you seek to know, boy?

Jesus: What value will the Messiah will bring to the Jewish nation?

Priest: Why, the Messiah, when he arrives, will become leader of our Jewish nation and lead us to a thousand years of peace, like never seen before.

Jesus: Not even seen in Eden, before the fall?

Priest: Not even... err, well, I suppose it will be similar to Eden, yes.

Jesus: But what about the prophet Isaiah's words:

“oBut he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed.”

How does that fit in with this reign of peace?

Priest: Ummmm. I’m not sure I recall that particular scroll... What is the interest you have in the Messiah. [mirthful] Are you thinking you’re he?

[Jesus looks innocently but lovingly at priest]

Priest: [befuddled] Really? [under breath -’Another one who claims to be the Messiah’] OK then. Where were you born, sonny Jim.

Jesus: I was born in Bethlehem, as the prophet Micah stated.

Priest: Augh yes, but Hosea says He would come out of Egypt.

Jesus: I have lived in Egypt also, and come from Nazareth.

Priest: But many have tried to live in such places to fulfill the prophecies, but the true Messiah must have been born of a virgin, and there seems only one credible claim to this, and that is of Mary, married to Joseph, some 12 years ago now.

[Herod walks in (Jo actor but with a crown and extra gown) and sits in a throne that has been in the background]

[Priest bows] The Messiah! King Herod, THE MESSIAH IS HERE!

[Herod - not amused] Really...

[Priest] Yes, this is the man who will bring peace to our nation.

[Herod] You don’t think I’m doing a good enough job?

[Priest] Oh Herod, you have been the mightiest of the mighty, only a Messiah could take your place.

[Herod] That is right.

[Priest] And.... Here is the Messiah.

[awkward silence]

[Herod] So you expect me to simply stand aside and give up my rule? Or should I kill you both for treason?!

[Priest] Yes!

[Herod] Yes what?

[Priest] Yes...please?

[Herod] No: ‘yes’ give up my throne or ’yes’ have you killed?

[Priest] Oh, Yes, Give up your throne for... [dramatically] The One!

[Herod- not looking amused for a moment, then switches to cheer] ...Ok! Here, come, take my robe, take my crown. I just got it polished this morning. And here take my throne, but just be careful. Don’t lean back tooo far or it tips. It’s quite embarrassing.

Is there anything else I can get you, a drink perhaps, a news scroll, or how about I wash your feet?

[Jesus] Um, no no, I think I’ll just be about my Father’s business restoring this kingdom.

[Herod] Of course! Let me go get the to-do list. There’s a lot of buildings to open this week. You’ve caught us at a very busy time.

[Herod] Of course, my apologies, how thoughtless of me. Let me go and get.....[dramatically] the basket!

[Jesus] The basket?

[Herod] No. [dramatically] The Basket!.... [goes out back]

[Jesus] What is [dramatically] The Basket?

[Herod] It’s the Too Hard Basket. It’s got all the problems of the kingdom I can’t solve. [now enters with a massive basket chocked full of scrolls.

[Jesus] Ok. Well let's get to it, where do we start?

[Herod] Ok.. food shortage, this famine we’re in at the moment is a major one.

[Jesus] No problems, solved. Next?

[Herod] Great! And there’s... wait, what do you mean solved? You can’t just tick these off, you actually have to solve them, don’t you?

[Jesus] Yeah, I did!

[Priest walks in with bread roll.] Hey guys, the Egyptians just dropped off leftovers from Joseph’s storerooms - and it’s all still fresh and there’s baskets for EVERYONE in the kingdom! Apparently they need the space.

[Herod] Cool! That was easy. Ok, next up. The Romans, you know they are pushing us around.

[Jesus] Gone. Next?

[Herod] Gone?

[Jesus] Yep. They left 10 minutes ago. We won’t be hearing from them again. I tell you, not one stone will be thrown off another in this kingdom.

COPYRIGHT

Scott Wegener holds the copyright to this piece, along with everything else on www.ScottPublished.com , but he may well let you use it elsewhere, just ask! This was written by Scott Wegener to accommodate a specific brief. If you want something written specifically for your needs, just ask for a quote!