To get annoyed at my husband's phonecalls

My husband rings me several times a day. Sometimes its just for a chat, sometimes its for a reason. If I don't want to chat, he can often get stroppy about it (in my opinion - he would say that he didn't) and if I don't answer the call or return his call he keeps trying until I do.

We've just had another argument again (second in two days about this issue) as he has rang me several times in the last hour and I've not heard the phone. He sent me two emails (I work from home and I am on the computer all day) and it was only after an hour that I noticed and rang him back. His argument is that he thinks something has happened and that he worries if I have not called him back.

I've told him that there is no need to worry. I have been sat at my desk all morning. Nothing has happened. He thinks he is caring, and ringing me all the time is his way of showing this (as well as to discuss whatever issue he has called me about).

If it genuinely is a caring thing perhaps he could restrict himself to an "are you ok?" Text that you can reply "yes" to. I think he needs help with this level of anxiety though. And also think it's the sort of thing my very controlling ex would say to justify his unreasonable behaviour.

I do non-work things without him. He doesn't restrict me from doing things or going to places. He doesn't check up on me but he knows where I am. I often go to meet people regarding work and we've agreed that I would always let him know where I was and when I was leaving (which is probably sensible as I could be going into the house of any old nutter - unlikely but probably not a bad idea to have somebody know where I am)

We've been together over 15 years - married for ten. We have always talked a lot but I think the phonecalls are more frequent now than they've ever been. Some days he drives a lot with work and just wants to chat.

Even if you were a SAHM, you would probably be getting on with things and not always able to interrupt what you are at "several times a day".

But you are actually in paid employment, and your employer expects you to be working.

It sounds very controlling to me.

To give some perspective, DH and I are both WOHP. Dh has spent a LOT of time overseas, and not always contactable or in odd time zones. I've done travel for work as well over the years.

We would often catch up at some stage during the day as things are usually rushed even when we are both at home in the mornings. A quick phonecall or text or email, to catch up, remind one to do something, let the other know info we've just got, have a laugh about something. 0ccasionally it is to check up on the other - there was a possibility of something happening that night when we left in the morning and one needs to know who's collecting DD or how many to cook for at dinner, for example.

But equally, we might be in a meeting or otherwise stuck into something when the other gets in touch. Or feel it doesn't require a response (maybe something to talk about at home, or just smile and be cheered up). It doesn't mean we get arsey with each other because we cannot talk at the time.

And despite DH spending a lot of time physically away as well as manically busy lives, we are still pretty darn close. Extra phonecalls would get my boss really upset with me, probably upset me also in terms of extra pressures on me, and that would be more likely to make me withdraw than keeping it to a manageable level of intermittantness (ok that's probably not a word, but I hope YKWIM).