The Hypothetical SuperContest – Week 13

This Thanksgiving was my first away from my family. While I was studying in London my family gathered to see my father and celebrate in Las Vegas. This is what we call a “double-whammy” in the business. In addition to the the delicious taste of a Mom-made Thanksgiving, I would also be missing the chance to turn all of my Hypothetical bets into real (and legal) ones. I didn’t get to bet on the Iron Bowl and the craziest finish in recent sports memory.

It was a bummer.

Thankfully, I am in London with a group of dope kids and we held our own “Friendsgiving” last Tuesday to great success. I brought the cider. David cooked the turkey. Nick posed with Dave for the picture below.

The whole process helped me miss home about 80% less than I might’ve otherwise. Also, everything was delicious.

So thanks to my friends. And thanks to my family. And thanks to turkey, gravy, stuffing, and pies. And finally, thanks to football for giving me a reason to challenge myself to be clever every week.

Here’s the slate for Week 13, minus the Raiders amazing last-second cover (which my Mom cashed in on!) and the rest of the Thursday games. Home teams get the asterisk.

Oh man am I thankful for gambling this week. Let me tell you why.

Eagles* (-3) over Cardinals

I am thankful that the Eagles were the team I grew up watching. I am thankful for Chip Kelly; earlier in the week Cardinals coach Bruce Arians criticized his offensive scheme and Kelly responded like a boss. I am thankful for LeSean McCoy and Nick Foles and Connor Barwin.

Also, my Mom already told me she bet the Eagles so I can’t go against them.

Jaguars (+7) over Browns*

I am thankful to live in a world where I can bet against Brandon Weeden winning by more than seven points. That, my friends, is a true blessing.

Buccaneers (+8) over Panthers*

I am thankful for the rookie gamblers that went to Vegas this weekend and drove up the lines for popular teams. In Vegas, novice bettors tend to put money on favorites, as people like betting on the better team to win. Sometimes an inordinate amount of “public” money can inflate a line higher than it should be, which is what I think is happening here. I know the Panthers have been playing out of their minds recently, but they might be due for a let-down game and the Bucs haven’t looked awful of late.

Bears (PK) over Vikings*

I am thankful for the kids from Minneosta that are living in the same building as me while studying abroad. Thanks to them, I have finally felt the pain of another group of fans that are tortured by their teams on a regular basis. Watching them cheer on the likes of Christian Ponder, Matt Cassel, and Josh Freeman has put my life as a sports-fan in perspective. Also, it makes me even more thankful for Nick Foles.

Finally, I am thankful that I haven’t watched enough of the Bears recently to understand how this line is so low. They must have looked awful the past few weeks to be at a pick with the Vikes. They still have Brandon Marshall right?

*Googles “Brandon Marshall”*

Yep. Brandon Marshall is still on the Bears. I am totally thankful for Brandon Marshall.

Seahawks* (-4.5) over Saints

I am thankful for Seattle’s homefield advantage and Drew Brees playing outside. I am thankful for HUSTLE. I am thankful for BUSTLE. I am thankful for RUSSELL WILSON.

And thanks to any readers of my columns. You’re the real reason I do this.