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February 24, 2016

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So, you guys see the debate last night?
Yeah.
Yeah, what did you think?
I think I was feeling the Bern. You?
Oh, I am definitely feeling the Bern. [laughs]
What about you Jake?
Are you voting for Bernie Sanders?
Uh, yeah... yeah, of course.
I'm... totally voting for
Bernie Sanders. [nervous laugh]
-Oh cool. Cool, cool, cool.
-Great.
What are your favorite
things about Bernie?
[Female #1]: It just keeps happening.
People around you keep asking if
you're going to vote for Bernie Sanders,
and you tell them yes,
because you don't want to seem uncool or start a fight.
But the truth is you're lying.
You're not voting for Bernie Sanders,
because you're secretly a 12-year old
boy wearing an adult man disguise.
Everyone's so excited about Bernie,
but you have real
doubts about his electability.
Also, as a 12-year old
boy who ran away from home,
and spent the last 8 months
living in New York as a 30-year old man,
you can't actually vote
in a Presidential election.
You can't tell your friends.
You can't tell your co-workers.
And you certainly can't tell your wife.
She loves Bernie Sanders.
Also, she would go to jail for repeatedly
having sex with a 12-year old boy.
Bernie Sanders is clearly a man of integrity,
but can he really help the people of America?
Like the mother who has
to work 3 jobs to feed her children.
Or the 12-year old boy who spends
hours every morning gluing on a fake beard,
so he can work undetected
at a Manhattan Law Firm.
You need to stop lying.
If you don't, America may never
get the candidate we truly deserve.
Also, you'll miss Dougie Lamandola's
sweet laster tag birthday party,
and there's going to be pizza there.
So next time people bring up Bernie Sanders,
tell the truth.
Hey, uh, guys...
actually I'm not voting for Bernie Sanders.
Let me tell you why.
[Male #1]: Paid for by the citizens for
Hillary Clinton who are also secretly children.
♪ ♪