Thursday, June 10, 2010

He made me think we could last..

Really..I am not the type of girl that thinks life is all perfect and that a relationship is always going to be perfect but C, he made me think and feel and trust that we could last. That we could have babies, and own a house, and never fall out of love. Last September Mr. H and I had only been married a little over a month, and already he was being horrible to me. We faught all the time, over money, over family, over everything, {more will come of the fighting in later posts}. Mr. H had just left town for a couple weeks, and I got an email from C, wishing me well with Mr. H, and joking that his wedding invitation had gotten lost in the mail, and he closed with, "He missed me, and wanted me to know that no matter what that he would always be there for me, and if I ever needed someone to talk to, he was there for me."Mr. H called me, and we got into a huge fight, about me having dinner somewhere. Once I got off the phone, I texted C. He knew me..he knew what to say to talk to me down, to calm me, and make everything all better, something Mr. H has never been capable of doing. Even now. He asked if I wanted to meet up and go for a drive. I did, so I met him and we drove up to the lake, I had stopped and gotten Corona early and so once we got to the lake, we grabbed blankets, beer and the pillows he had brought with him and headed down toward the beach. They had already started draining the lake and so the beach was huge, we laid out our blankets and talked for hours. Honestly we spent almost eight hours at the lake, and didn't leave until almost four in the morning. We talked about things that I had never been able to talk about with Mr. H, things that I had always been able to talk to C about. At one point in the night, we started talking about marriage, and my wedding, and he was saying how shocked he was when he had read about it in the paper. And that I had look beautiful. He was talking about how he could see us as being married, and how he wanted to marry his best friend, and just so many things, and how he wished I would have given him a chance to prove that we could have been together. While kissing he said " Marry me next."After that night, I turned into a holy-terror to Mr. H..I was rude, I picked fights, I did everything in my power to make me him hate me, and I did a good job of it, because in November we separated, he found his way to the bar with friends, and home with another girl. I had never been cheated on, never in my life had I ever felt that way. I called C bawling when the girl answered his phone. I also had just left C's house earlier in the night, and he told me to calm down, because I was doing the same thing that Mr. H was doing. I didn't know what to do. I stopped talking to C. I didn't want to even be around he or Mr. H. I wanted to run, as far away as possible, and not look back. I got divorce papers. I went to work, came home and went to bed. For weeks I did nothing but sleep and go to work. Mr. H and I went to counseling, we faught, we cried, we talked. I haven't talked to C in months, since November and I have no desire to, most days.