Yes, and she has a name!

Were this nutty thing true, she wouldn’t be the first kween to have one. Turns out powerful women throughout history have had doubles—like Queen Elizabeth, who died and was sneakily replaced with a lookalike!

The Hillary conspiracy really gained traction back in September, when the Dem nominee got a lil’ woozy at the 9/11 Ground Zero ceremony. Her knees buckled as Secret Service agents deftly grabbed her under the arms and pulled her into a black van, leaving one lone shoe behind on the sidewalk.

The finger thing

The reality

All the “evidence” above comes down to camera angles and blazer creases, not to mention a misogynistic dissection of a 69-year-old woman’s facial wrinkles. And that examination has less to do with policy and more to do with the fact that, as The Atlantic put it, “No matter what is said about a female political candidate’s appearance, it has a negative impact on what potential voters think of her.”

Listen, I’m all for conspiracy theories. Can’t get enough of them! I love them for the same reason I love sci-fi movies and haunted houses: They provide a welcome suspension of disbelief and a fun distraction from the monotony of routine. And I don’t even have to get drunk to enjoy them!

For this reason, I lower my gullibility threshold by ~1000% where conspiracies are concerned. It’s fun to imagine what could be, as long as the underlying assumption among participants is that it merely could be. Not that it is.

And guys, the truth of the matter is: Every single politician, let alone POTUS-hopeful, has some legitimate skeletons in the closet. That’s simply the name of the game, and frankly, I’d be worried if Hillary was the exception.

So can we please steer clear of Teresa Barnwell and focus on some tangible, real-life Hillary blunders? Like the fact that she didn’t publicly support same-sex marriage until 2013? Or the unfortunate occasion on which she wore a pantsuit with a, erm, ruffled collar?

And don’t forget that Hillary Clinton is under constant, relentless, unforgiving media scrutiny 24/7. The odds of there being an impersonator (or two, or three) on call, ready to don Hillary’s navy pantsuit and sensible kitten heels at the drop of a hat are pretty high—but let’s not confuse “comedic impersonator” with “body double brought in to replace a dead person,” shall we?

I mean, take a closer look at the photo “evidence” above: Even Hillary’s most notable lookalike doesn’t look that much like her. To routinely deceive the American public and a steady slew of cameras, it would almost take a completely different human being to have replaced Hillary decades ago and that’s absur—