Reality TV (Episode 1, Scene 3)

*Due to internet connection issues, Scene 3 didn’t post yesterday. Therefore, I am posting both 3 and 4 today. The latter will be scheduled for 7PM. This is the scene that her moms say, “Laughing isn’t ladylike.” As I said in the first scene, this is the raw unedited script. Completely uncensored! Only changes I made are punctuational.*

Summer – The vacuüm cleaner Harold, the vacuüm cleaner. 10 seconds into vacuuming the living room carpet, the vacuüm cleaner just cuts off and then it wouldn’t come back on. I knew it wasn’t hot, not in no 10 seconds. So, I check the muthafuckin’ vacuum cleaner bag and it was filled to the tea with sperm.

Harold – What?! True story?! You sure it wasn’t just lotion or something?

Summer – Harold, I tasted it.

Harold – You tasted it?!

Summer – Yeah it ain’t like I haven’t tasted you before; I be swallowing you all the time.

Harold – Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, omigod! You be giving me head at the red-light; you give me head while I’m doing number two; you gave me head this morning to wake me up cuz I slept thru the alarm clock. Why would I let the Red Devil give me some head? I hate to say it but I think you tasted yo’ son’s sons. Yo’ grandchildren!

Summer – Say what?!

Harold – Who vacuums his room 50 times a day and it still be chips, crackers, cookies, paper, and shit still all on the floor?

Summer – Omigod!!! Little Harold!!!

Lil’ Harold – You called?

Summer – Yo’ muthafuckin’ ass is grounded until I die! You can’t get allowance no more; you gotta get a job support yo’self, you got a week to find yo’self another home nigga! Harold, we gone have to put him up for adoption baby cuz ooooh I’ma kill him if he stick around. Now get yo’ ass out the way. I gotta throw-up in you’ bed. Move nigga!!!

Lil’ Harold – Dad, what’s wrong wit mom?! What I do?!

Harold – Son, the next time you decide to “vacuüm yo’ room,” change the bag okay, you know what, better yet: here’s about a 100 bucks, use that money to buy your very own personal Red Devil and here’s a few extra bucks for vacuüm cleaner bags. Now excuse me, I gotta help you’ momma throw-up in yo’ bed.