We saw the acceptable face of goose-stepping, a wide selection of mullets, a sensationally long queue, and thousands of fans enjoying themselves - but barely any of them were English at Red Square today. Maybe they'll turn up later, but more likely the scare stories about visa problems and hotel prices have persuaded many Chelsea and United fans to watch the game back home.

If there are spare tickets on the market they will be snapped up by the Russians. Locals are expected to pay €2,000 and are coughing up - and one deal I witnessed yesterday was, according to the man holding the VIP tickets, worth €40,000. It was done in a restaurant where a half-decent bottle of wine cost more than £100. There are plenty who can afford the touts' prices.

The place to be, according to the Muscovites, is Champions Village in Red Square. You can line up for a four-a-side game on the mini-pitch just in front of Lenin's Mausoleum, pass the ball from one platform to another 20ft above ground, queue for two hours or more to have your photo taken with 'the cup with the big ears' - yes, Chelsea, the real one, not a replica - listen to music provided by a sensationally cheesy Euro-trash DJ, pick up leaflets about next year's final in Rome, watch videos, play computer games and, best of all, pretend to present the match ball to Pierluigi Collina.

The ref with the big ears is a virtual presence only, as is the ball, so you stand there with your hands held just so far apart and they pop him into the picture as if by magic. There was quite a queue for that, too.

You could do something similar alongside images of Cristiano Ronaldo and Didier Drogba, and by chance the two fans we saw posing with the stars both sported mullets. "They just love a mullet here, always have done," said a local reporter. "I saw a four-year-old with a mullet just the other day."

We saw a number of four-year-olds, plus six- to eight-year-olds, on a school trip just outside the fenced-off village. They were trying to copy the ceremonial march practised by the Russian military - the acceptable face of goose-stepping, if you like.

Another strange sight on the streets is the local dog population. The number of strays in Moscow is put at 30,000, and many of them seem to congregate around metro stations. "Some of them even go up and down the escalators now," said a local.

Thirty thousand is a popular number. It's also the number of fans expected to arrive from England (far fewer than it would have been if all tickets were sold), and, again according to my Moscow journalistic colleague, the number of deaths per annum in Russia due to a) bad driving; and b) alcohol poisoning. That's 200 Russians who die from booze for every one American.

Hiddink the Great

The biggest man in Moscow right now is Guus Hiddink. He towers above the street on successive adverts outside the Hotel Moskva, and pops up on posters all over town, usually to promote Samsung. He became a hero by leading Russia to the Euro finals, and will be given his own statue if they lift the trophy in Switzerland and Austria this summer. It would complete a great double for Russia, who are still celebrating their triumph in the ice hockey world championship last Sunday.

Can Russia do it, he was asked at a training session at Torpedo Moscow on Monday evening. "Sometimes the Euros can be even harder than the World Cup," he said. "No easy groups. All four teams very tough." It sounded like a "No".