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Have you recovered yet? Well, I hope not. Because if you have recovered from Hayley flinging her no-daylight-ring self into the sunlight with Greta (whose daylight ring finger Hayley tore off with her teeth) then you really aren’t gonna like this episode. Two words broke me in this one, “little wolf.” I’ll explain in later.

And I think “goodbye, Mom” broke me even more. But that could be personal, not show-related.

And when the actual crap our we getting our Elijah back? I’ve just about had enough of this body-snatched Elijah. But, man, that’s going to be painful, too, when he realizes he stood by and watched Hayley burn herself up . . . geez, can’t catch a break!

Here we go!

1) Watching Freya give Hope the news started a whole ‘nother wave of the snotty tears. Damn, this show knows how to rip your heart out, doesn’t it? (But I did just lose my own mum a few months ago.) I, for one, am kinda surprised that more lightbulbs didn’t pop, though.

2) The silent Quarter was an amazing touch. Even the city that loved Hayley seems to be mourning her. Caroline’s poofing a note to Klaus is cool. Her being there would probably only fuel whatever hair-brained scheme gets in his head now. I only wish we could do that in real life . . .

3) When did Josh become the Water Boy to Marcel and Vincent?

4) Every movement needs an army. And just because you show up a little early, Elijah, doesn’t mean everyone else is.

5) Klaus bit Antoinette. Yeah, that’s gonna end well. And lines got drawn in the sand between Klaus and Elijah, with the former referring to the latter as an enemy. And, in a way, that’s how Elijah ends up getting his memory back. He bargains his memories – and therefore his loyalty to Klaus and the family – for Antoinette’s life. But, Klaus rejects the offer anyhow.

6) Vincent and Marcel consider giving Elijah what he wants – Klaus’s blood to save Antoinette, and they get their Elijah back – but the consequences seem too high. Vincent even suggests that the reason they agreed to take Elijah’s memories in the first place was because they didn’t believe him strong enough to stay away from Klaus. With all those memories, comes back the love and loyalty to his family. And, probably, some guilt and anger and grief for his part in Hayley’s death. Is that the kind of Elijah you guys want to try to keep out of NOLA? Good luck, if you think you can.

7) Remember when Declan told Vincent he was heading back to Ireland for his mother’s birthday? Welllllllll, no one thought to get ahold of him and tell him that Hayley’s funeral was even a thing, no matter that its happening today. Hope’s a little miffed with Auntie Freya for that slip up. (And I’m glad we’re finally seeing a little of that red hair that Summer made us all fall in love with! Hope’s been cooped up inside too much for the sun to bring out that red!)

8) The contempt between Ivy and Klaus is palatable. She doesn’t want to be there, to help him, but she claims “no witch would ever mess with a man on the day he buries his daughter’s mother.” And its clear that Klaus doesn’t trust Ivy much, either.

9) Its bad enough that Hope has to bury her mother. Its worse that Declan doesn’t even know Hayley’s dead. Worse still is that none of Hayley’s friends (read: WOLVES) are present at her funeral. And even worse still is Emmett and two van-loads of Greta’s Goons showing up in the middle of said funeral. And even worse still, Klaus really wants to go and help with all the bad . . . but Ivy prevents him from leaving – probably because she’s covering for Vincent and Marcel doing something really, really, really stupid. So, Hope’s blowing up of one van-load of Greta’s Goons can be excused as grief, right? Right, Freya? I mean, you torched a whole village, remember? This was just one van-load of pure-blood idiots . . . (Harry Potter fans’ll see what I did there!)

10) Okay, so . . . this prophecy from 1700whatever that Ivy found in a seer’s grimoire? I have questions. A seer back then predicted that the Hollow would get chopped up in to bits, distributed around a family of Original Vampires, and that bringing those bits back together was going to cause the “death of all firstborns?” How does that work, exactly? Inadu Hollow (what I called her last season) was even older than the Ancestors that the NOLA witches draw power from. And why do I feel like the fact that Inadu Hollow being a Lebonair tribrid is at the heart of all this?

The firstborns that we need to be concerned with – just fyi – Freya, Ivy, and . . . Hope. And I’m sure countless others that are the first born in their family? Vincent?

11) Marcel and Vincent show up at the jail cell holding Antoinette and Elijah. But, when Elijah begs for Antoinette’s life to be saved, first, the two faction leaders agree that they will get to that . . . after. As much as I want to feel bad for Antoinette, I just can’t. She was complicit in this. Maybe she didn’t know just how far it went – murdering a teenager’s mother – but she knew that she was part of her mother’s plan.

12) That’s Klaus, carving Hayley’s name into the graveyard tree in the Bayou. And the tears have already started.

You’ll see this again, in the snark article (obv NOT snark), but in bringing this article back to the beginning, I must also share it here:

Klaus: I should’ve been there for you . . . and for Hope. But . . . I was scared . . . of this very moment. This family, hmm? We’re a curse to each other and to our home. And I know . . . she needs me. I see that now. But loving her brings her closer to death. And I want her to live. I want her to grow up. I want her to love . . . and be as strong and beautiful a woman . . . as her mother. I don’t know what to do. And I really wish that you were here to tell me . . . Little Wolf.

The one tear thing. It slays me. S L A Y S. I’m a snot sobbing mess. I thought just seeing the tweets scroll by on my phone was heart-wrenching (I was on holiday during this episode). Actually seeing him cry . . . omg, give me a minute.

13) We’ve been here before. And it didn’t leave good memories for Haylijah fans last time. Remember? Hayley confronted the animalistic side of Elijah, and he nearly killed her. And so began the beginning of the end of Haylijah. Now, it seems, we’re getting our Elijah back. He’s getting his memories of Hayley back . . . now that she’s dead. Talk about ripping our hearts out like Klaus in a bad mood. Although, he’d probably do it quickly. This is ever-so-slow and painful.

And the Red Door is back. Oh, forget it. I’m a mess. Elijah fighting to not remember Klaus killing their mother . . . fighting to not remember trying to kill Hayley behind that Red Door.

WARNING!!! TONS OF BONUS STUFF AHEAD!!!

More or less because it all made me a blubbering mess, and I want you to feel this pain with me. Because I’m mean like that.

# 1: Freya and Klaus, talking about feeling powerless now that they believe the prophecy in the grimoire is sobering. (If you’d managed to stop snot-sobbing from watching Elijah.) And Klaus admitting that with his memories back, Elijah will be broken, and lost to them. They are truly in an all out war for everything they love.

# 2: Hope sees Freya sobbing, after she realized that even having “our” Elijah back may not be enough to save them. And if you weren’t already losing it . . .you are now.

# 3: Wait. What? There’s dark magic on Elijah’s body . . . and his mind isn’t even in there? WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO, ANTOINETTE?

# 4: I love that Hope asks for Hayley’s Crescent Pack pendant, and has Freya put it on her with the Mikaelson pendant she already wears. And all Hayley’s friends are in the Bayou – as they should have been in the Quarter – to send her off in true werewolf fashion. INCLUDING KEELIN.

# 5: . . . and a perfect crescent moon for Hayley:

Right now, I need to be here, with my daughter.

# 6: And the lightning strikes Hayley’s pyre, and the water catches fire. There’s only two more things on that prophecy list, guys.

But who breaks Klaus’s neck and drops him into the compound with Elijah, who says there’s no way out, they’re trapped?