Cheese Jesus

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Cheese Jesus of Milwaukee (most popularly known as Cheddar Jesus or Cheesus ) is a popular action figure sold by Pizza Hut. It is classed as a minor Jesii due to slightly undersatisfactory quantities of bejesus and, as such, can only perform seven minor miracles. However, that's still seven more than pepperoni can muster. Pizza Hut uses cheese on its pizza so therefore this figure was created.

Pizza Hut refuses to give out the full ingredients of the Cheese Jesii, fearing that might bring on the Second Coming a bit earlier than expected, preventing them from releasing the new, improved Stuffed Cheesus Chrust™ next year. However, a slice of Cheddar Cheesus has been analysed by scientists with nothing better to do, and they have discovered that the principle ingredient of all Cheese Jesii is, in fact, cheese. This scientific revelation was so important that five of the six scientists working on this project were promoted into upper management a day after the release of these findings.

Cheesus was said to be the second person in the Divine Trinity, and also the Messiah (Greek: Chrust) prophesied in the Old Testament (or HebrewBible). Cheesus did not die on the cross - instead, he was impaled on a cocktail stick, onto which a pineapple was placed, as if to mock him. Cheesus was brought back to life in a mysterious incident involving a ball of Edam, a small wheel of Jarlsberg, and a spotty man from Scunthorpe called Gerald.

Other historians have been quick in their attempts to debunk this theory. For a start, the documents do not note what kind of cheese Cheesus was God of - nor do they explain why someone called Gerald from Scunthorpe was present at his resurrection. However, there is one thing that every historian is sure of - the new, improved Stuffed Cheesus Chrust™ is going to be out of this world! Get your Cheese Jesii from Pizza Hut, without delay!