Fuck you, Congress

I wish I could say I had no words to describe the utter stupidity and insanity you’ve displayed. But oh, do I have words.

You scum-sucking vermin. You cretinous, moronic little monsters. You have no idea how much I fucking hate you. SO MUCH HATE.

Mr. Weebles said it best yesterday: You have no interest in serving the American people; you’re interested only in serving your own selfish agendas, inflicting your own ideologies on everyone, and screwing over the guys on the other side of the aisle. That goes for all of you, not just those of you whom I’ve targeted before.

And for you small-minded, bigoted bastards who will do anything to thwart any and all policies the president initiated—I know most of you are THIS CLOSE to calling Obama “Boy.” You should all become Satan’s girlfriends in Hell.

You can’t come to an agreement to keep the government running? Then you’re not doing your fucking jobs. So why can’t we eject all of you from your cushy little seats? I want to stop paying taxes. I want to fire all of you. I want to see all of you rot.

So many people depend on the government for their income, their livelihoods, and so much more. You’ve made it patently obvious that you don’t truly care about any of them. And all you mean-spirited jackals can do is puff out your chests and bloviate. Fuck you.

If you actually cared about your country, about the American people, you would have gotten it done. You didn’t. You should be fucking fired. All of you. Choke on those furloughs, motherfuckers.

As for you, John Boehner, fuck you especially for saying, “The American people don’t want Obamacare.” Is that a fact? Did you interview every single American citizen? I’m quite certain you did not. You may be Speaker of the House but you absolutely do not speak for the American people, you demonic pus-filled slimeball.

Children would do a better job of running the government than you people. Even the kids from Lord of the Flies would do a better job. They’re not nearly as petty as you troglodytic* half-wits. Blow me.

You could have come to an agreement. You could have found some ground on which to compromise. But you all let your personal interests and your hatred of the other party blind you to the all-important fact that YOU WORK FOR US.

You failed. Miserably. I wish we could charge you with criminal negligence and throw all your sorry asses in jail. I cordially invite all of you to fuck yourselves as hard as possible.

*Apologies to actual troglodytes. You’re probably smarter.

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This Fuck You Rant was inspired by the government shutdown, and also by my friend Rants. If you haven’t read his stellar screed on Congress, you should do so right fucking now.

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195 responses to Fuck you, Congress

Amen. And if we can’t fire them, how I wish we could start paying them all minimum wage during this shutdown. See how easy it is to survive being poor like half of this country. Tell them they can’t get their normal ridiculous salaries back until they get back to work. Maybe that just might shake them up enough to start doing their actual goddamned job for once?

I think that would be a good kick in the ass for them, let’s see how long they dither if they aren’t getting paid. Much like the government employees they’ve managed to screw over by this shutdown. Fuckers.

These guys are self centered fuckers – and I for one NEED Obamacare – my son has a pre-existing condition through no fault of his own – so Boehner most certainly did not ask for my opinion. He’s a grade A Fuckhead.

I love the word “bloviate.” Boehner is a grade A Fuckhead and he should go to hell. Pre-existing conditions are a big concern for so many people, and what does he give a shit? He’s got a nice fat salary and great benefits. The people in Congress are completely out of touch with the concerns of the average American.

Compromise is such a dirty word today and I don’t get it. Don’t those people understand that this country was created through back room Wheeling ‘n’ Dealing?

That Constitution some Congressmen hold up as if it was Scripture is loaded with compromises. The Bill of Rights, the bicameral legislature, the responsibilities of each federal branch. Compromises one and all — between large and small states, northern and southern states, and Federalists and Jeffersonian Republicans.

What has happened is a disgrace. I am deeply ashamed of what our country has become.

I’m ashamed too. It’s a terrible feeling to be so sickened and embarrassed by how we’ve declined. I’m not quite clear on how/why we got to this point, but I have no idea how we go about getting back to where we were before we were the laughing stock of the world.

I want to wrap this post in bacon.
I want chocolate sprinklies on this post.
I want a multi-count ‘like’ button from WordPress for this.
You used ‘bloviate’ and ‘troglodytic’ in the same post where you use a form of ‘fuck’ more than I do when waking up in the morning.
*holding Bic lighter up*

“Boner” needs to stop saying, “We must end the pain our constituents will feel with Obamacare”. Pain? I’ll show you pain! What about all the pain from all the people without healthcare and with pre-existing conditions? He needs to shed a few tears for Americans and not for himself!

Amen and amen. While I don’t believe in an afterlife hell, these guys are creating it here on Earth disguised as “saving us from The President.” I hate Congress and especially Boehner. What an idiot. Thanks, Weebs for saying this.

Sometimes I’m glad I’m across the ocean.
I’ve been reading many status updates saying that we elected this pathetic rabble that caused the government to shut down. What’s funny to me is that a majority of those voting last November voted Democratic- it’s only because of rotten boroughs and politicians getting to pick their voters through gerrymandering that Boehner is in charge. He’s actually the Minority Leader. They have no legitimacy.
Fuck them all!!

I kind of wish I was across the ocean with you, Leo. It’s getting to the point where I really have no idea what recourse the average person has aside from rioting in the streets. Not that this will help either.

I imagine all non-Americans are saying the same thing, Vanessa. It’s ludicrous. It’s the sort of thing that ordinarily I’d read about, where the government shuts down in countries where the governments are known to be insanely corrupt. And it’s pretty clear that the US is one of those countries.

I’m obviously not an American, but from my view up here in Canada I can only shake my head in bewilderment. The United States is supposed to be the leader of the free world.
But all the world is seeing is a dick measuring competition with the U.S. people caught in the cross fire.

I hope for your sakes that your ‘leaders’ pull their collective heads out of their assess and make this unnecessary shutdown brief.

Hi Bob! That’s exactly what it is, a dick-measuring competition, and Americans really don’t want to see that. It isn’t what anyone should put up with in their government, and I wish there was some way to oust ALL of them from power and just start over.

Yep. I think you pretty much covered the disgust we all feel. It’s mind-boggling and beyond frustrating. No business or industry would ever survive without compromise, and yet congress apparently thinks it’s okay to do just that. Working in hospitals and clinics, I can imagine the disasters that would develop if doctors, nurses, managers, and other personnel dug in their feet and refused to compromise when changes came around. They’d effectively shut down the institution. Oh, wait, just like congress did, leaving so many people to suffer in their childish games.

I’m surprised they didn’t actually stomp their feet and yell, “If we can’t have our way, we’re taking our toys and we’re going home!!” Such infantile behavior. No other industry would ever be able to get away with the kind of crap these jackasses have pulled. It’s insane. Sigh.

There should be some recourse available to us… since they do work for us… Can we sue them for misuse of our funds? How do we go about actually getting them fired? Start petitions for recalls, for special elections, for votes of no confidence?

I know! That’s the problem, what can we do to express our displeasure, besides voting them out of office? We can’t vote them out unless they’re up for reelection, and really the point is that we want them ALL out, and NOW. I wish we could fire them and withhold our tax money. That would send a really strong message. The only message they’ll understand—the threat of losing power and money.

No kidding! Children stop sqwabbling. BOTH sides get to that table and compromise – that means everyone gives ups something to get something. Gut it up.
Senate pass a fundable budget – like all the rest of us who have to live on the money we have.
Legislators and all elected officials and their office staff – no exemptions because you are “special” – take the same health care plan we have to take – it’s in the bill, you idiots, you agreed to it then – now follow the bill you wrote and passed.
We’ve lived through these “stops” repeatedly since the 70’s. End it now or do the honorable thing and resign since you cannot/won’t do what you were sent there to do…in real life you’d be fired….like the little people…but you are “special” and exempt from accountability, too.
ARRRGGGHHHHHH – don’t make me come up there – and answer your phone and emails
(must go find kittens/puppies to pat to calm down)

I can feel your blood pressure rising from here! They are not honorable people, they obviously care more about their little power plays, and screwing others over, than following up on what they’re supposed to do. That’s what I don’t understand—they agreed to this and now they’re backing out. If I did that at my job, I’d be fired. So I don’t see why they’re allowed to continue in their jobs.

It beggers belief. I don’t pretend to understand it fully but from what I have gathered it is of imbecilic proportions….Hey, I just figured it will affect me as the passport offices are closed, they are the ones working on my visa application I guess. I was waiting 6 months anyway just for someone to decide which stamp to use on my application, the “Accept” stamp or the “you’ve got to be fucking joking” stamp. Obviously nothing compared to how it will affect ordinary people over there, but still, Fuck you congress.

It is indeed of imbecilic proportions, Joe. Astonishing, perplexing, exasperating, stunningly idiotic proportions. I mean, in what other area can people summarily decide, “We’re just not going to do this” and get away with it, keeping their jobs, benefits, pensions, etc? It’s twisted.

By the way, my offer to vouch for you still stands, whenever they decide to go back to work. I’ll tell them what an asset you’d be to us, since you already know so much about Betty White and Ina.

I just read this morning that people are being denied entry into clinical trials for cancer drugs because of the government shut down. I imagine people are being seriously affected in a million other ways we don’t even know about yet, because we take for granted all governments do for us. It makes me terribly sad to see that in a country that prides itself on being one of the best in the world.

Pros or cons Obama care aside it is the law of the land. Those who are against it cannot constitutionally destroy by not funding but by changing, amending or discard. Both houses, both parties already voted to fund this thing. The congress holds the purse strings per funding but the president only has power of disbursement.

Precisely, Carl. They already voted on it, they already agreed to do this. Now they’re ripping the Constitution to shreds by going back on their agreements, and they’re doing so apparently with no negative consequences to themselves whatsoever.

So right, Carl. For god’s sake if there are problems with Obamacare, work to fix them! The majority of citizens are benefitting and will benefit greatly from it. Part of the huge problem of leaving citizens in a gap without insurance has everything to do with those states who turned down the Medicaid expansion. It’s on them, not on Obamacare. Even Medicare had to be fixed after it became law. The answer was to work on it, not to leave thousands of people stranded without a salary.

I don’t think Obamacare is a good idea. In fact, I think it is a terrible idea. But you know what is a worse idea? That’s right, letting the government shut down. As a libertarian I am used to despising republicans and democrats alike but this is a new level of dumbass. I wish I could say I was surprised…

I wholeheartedly agree, Soul. Whether you’re pro-Obamacare or not, this is the biggest bonehead play of all, shutting down. Especially because it could and should have been avoided, if everyone in Congress weren’t so hellbent on thwarting everyone else. The level of dumbass is indeed unprecedented.

I think most of America will be behind you Madame Weebles. And who wouldn’t be? Who votes for their government and then thinks it’s acceptable for them to screw up and shut down? The fact that these people are leading a very powerful nation is scary. God knows how you choose which dumbass to vote for. Admittedly, we vote for idiots of equal magnitude, but I like to cling to the hope that they’d never make a decision as stupid as shutting themselves down.

They should be the first to go without pay. All their staffers should be furloughed. They should LOSE all pay and pension contributions for the duration of the shutdown. And just so no one thinks I’m singling out a particular party or branch, I think all three branches of the government (legislative, executive, and judicial) should face the same hardships as the American citizens they throw under the bus at these times. And during these shutdowns, I say sequester them like a jury—Congress can’t leave the Capitol, the President can’t leave the Oval Office, and the Supreme Court stays in chambers. No going back to their offices/apartments/homes. No going out for dinner/drinks.

Is there something we, as Americans, can do? Yes. Kick every single one of them out in the next election. We have that power. It can be done. But it means even if we think “our guy/gal” is okay, they still have to go. No exceptions.

Preach on! I’m feeling like **maybe** if enough Republicans are inconvenienced by the shutdown, they’ll start to realize how much we do rely on the government for crucial services, and stop squawking about “smaller government” when what they really mean is “government that only supports the things WE like!” …but that probably won’t happen.

Sweet fuck, that article on the KKK rally in Gettysburg gave me the serious heebie-jeebies. I hate that the NPS gave them a permit in the first place, but at least the shutdown keeps them from spewing for a little while, anyway. And that’s exactly the problem with the Republicans, they’re all about smaller government as long as it’s the government they want. So fucking hateful.

I’ve often had a hard time trusting my Congressional representatives, but this shutdown is mostly the work of Republican dirty pool. The Democrats are in the doghouse with me for the way they treat my family business (it relates to Obama and Arne Duncan of the Dept. of Ed.), but shutting down is no longer representing my interests in the slightest. They are your and my agents. Our representatives, and this is all they can do? I find that very hard to believe, and I want their campaign donors to pay for any non-elected employee’s wages for however long it is shut down. In vulgar terms, that’ll clear shit up real quick.

Boehner’s disrict (8th Ohio) abuts mine, and it’s very hard for me to look at him without getting hot in the face. I’m a man of progress and completion. He’s an unabashed obstructionist. We would not get along at a dinner event.

I don’t believe in the effectiveness Affordable Healthcare Act, and would like to see it scrapped. Any such half-hearted legislation only allows private insurers to find exploits and still not provide the desired outcome to consumers. With that in mind, it’s either nationalize it or give up. Go hard or go home. Congrgess has demonstrated a dictatorial position already with the Patriot Act, among other things. I don’t understand why it feels the need to be so compromized now? May the insurance companies donate to their campaigns?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m culpable here too. I decided to do other things like paint my house, or go out to dinner, or play video games instead of writing my representatives and giving them and earful. I’m partly negligent for not putting the fear of God into my agents.

We’re all negligent in some way, buddy, don’t be so hard on yourself. The real fault is still with the people in Congress who insist that their dictatorial positions are “correct.” The Patriot Act still leaves such an awful taste in my mouth; I was hoping it would be repealed but it only seems to be gathering more support and momentum, doesn’t it. As for Boehner, I’m sorry you’re so near to his “jurisdiction.” Blech. I’d move just for spite.

I curtsey to you Weebles. You got it down girl! Yea! What I don’t understand, and admitedly I am not very political. Is are they not suppose to work for US? So why can’t we ‘fire’ them. When did they become so important and forget just who they work for? As I said to someone yesterday, they think of themselves as demi gods and above the law. Any law! Sickens me. I may live in Canada but I am still an American citizen. but now, well wow, I’m not so sure what can/should/could be done. Can we just tell them to stay home if they can’t do the job and let someone else have it? After all that’s what any boss would do.

You speak the words rattling round my head. All of those guys on the hill that are certain their constituents are backing them completely have got it wrong. How arrogant of them to consider their agenda is more important that our survival.

What kind of example does this show the youth of today. Extortion is not the way to go. So, I agree…Fuck You Congress.

as you may realize, there is no love for the eeeeeelected mass at the moment. disgust. revulsion. we are united — conservative and liberal — in the sheer disbelief that these assholes could sink to THIS level of complete atrophy.

Madame,
I bow to the master. We caught the same wave today, but all I could come up with was a letter to those Master Debaters. I love it when you say bloviate. I took out my anger and disgust in the R.A.D. class tonight. Video to be posted. wmah!
Honie

Lady Weebles,
Thank you. Every word of this should be tattooed on the taint of every offending shitstain responsible. This post almost makes it all worthwhile; if it weren’t for suffering of the real people forgotten by those maggots.
Red

Thank you so much for this! As one of the people whose paycheck and, pretty soon, ability to eat has been directly affected by all of this, its heartening to know that other people know, care, and are damn angry about what is happening to all of us who choose to leave higher paying jobs to answer the call to serve our community and country. People like you are why I keep doing my job even though its unclear if I’ll ever get paid for it again.

Thanks! And, yes, I got paid and all is well again. Until the funding runs out in January and we get to do this all over again. Right when my holiday credit card bill is set to hit. It’s going to be awesome…

Well said madame Weebles. From over here in Europe, it’s quite incomprehensible how the Congress could pull this extraordinary, mindless stunt: selfish, self-servicing but utterly destructive. Totally moronic, and deeply misguided. Don’t they realise the damage they do to the US and the international economy? I only hope the America people punish them at the next elections.

I agree, Arran. Totally moronic, misguided, self-serving, mindless, selfish, destructive, and several other adjectives as well. The problem is that they are so blinded by their own twisted agendas, and they’ve convinced themselves that their agendas are what are best for the country, to the extent that they’ve become zealots. Tomorrow is election day here and I hope the voters do the right thing and punish all incumbents who are up for re-election by kicking them out.

I’ve been living in a cave and have no idea what’s been going on with you guys…don’t worry I’m not looking for an explanation from you…but this does sound like a particularly energetic fuck you rant; I hope you can make them pay.

It would have been impossible for me to actually give you any more of an explanation than, “Our government officials are insane and instead of playing nice together, they’re all in a dick-measuring contest and decided to shut down the government.” But that pretty much says it all, really.

We can do better than that. It won’t be too long before the entire country is on strike (again). The politicians may start paying attention to the people of their country when there’s no one willing to empty their trash for them…

Sounds like a good plan to me. Of course, here in the UK, all we have to do is get enough people to ask Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II to dissolve parliament on grounds of no confidence. Only that may result in further chaos if we’re not careful.

The other thing that you’ve not mentioned, Mme Weebs, is that because the US of A thinks it’s the dog’s danglies in the global economy, the rest of the damn world thinks the US of A is the dog’s danglies in the global economy.

I think we’re about to find out if we can all live in survival mode as the financial markets go further down the toilet…

You’re right—we do think we’re the dog’s danglies, and the fact that everyone else thinks so only compounds the problem because everyone reacts accordingly. In this global economy we’re all so interconnected that all countries should act responsibly. Yet, the US government obviously didn’t get that memo.

Sadly, the US isn’t the only government to miss that memo. I’m pretty certain that it didn’t make it to the UK either. Some bright eejit in the UK govt thought that it would be a great idea to introduce a “spare room subsidy” tax for all those in social housing or on housing benefit, to encourage childless couples or singles to move into smaller properties, to allow families into the larger properties. However, said eejit clearly didn’t think this through. There are not enough one bedroomed properties in the UK for all the single folks (or childless couples) to live in. So those folks are now getting into debt because they’re having to pay this “bedroom tax” (as we’re all calling it because it’s basically what it is). I heard of two ridiculous cases at the start of October. One is an older lady, for whom there is a one-bedroomed property ready for her to move into, out of her current two-bed place. Only, she’s not allowed to move until she’s cleared the arrears – which were caused by the damned bedroom tax. The other case is a young family, mum, dad and two kids. They were in a two-bed property and the housing people moved them into a three-bed place, to allow the children separate bedrooms. However, the children are of the same gender, so apparently they don’t “need” the third bedroom, and are being charged for it, even though it was the social housing people who moved them.

And on top of this, we have an education secretary who thinks that every child should have their own bedroom to allow a space for them to study in, even though he’s a member of the party who have introduced this tax on the luxury of that space…

The thing is, Thatcher did give a shit. She was trying to put the country back on its feet – and while things were really hard for a lot of people, she actually succeeded. Without her toughness, we’d never have had the huge financial boom of the 80’s and 90’s, which did benefit a lot of people. Whereas Cameron and his cohorts really don’t give a shit and cannot see how their cutting all these benefit payments and introducing taxes are actually penalising the poorest people in the country. In the area where I’m based now (while I’m doing my branch house experience), the nearest large-ish town is Middlesbrough. If the proposed cut of housing benefits to under 25’s goes ahead, there will be 2000 people affected in one town. For every one job available, there are 12 unemployed people in need of work in this area.

Admittedly, Cameron & Co have had to deal with the fall-out from all the banking scandals, and now there’s all the newspaper stuff in court, and hey, look, another bank needing a bail-out, but that’s no excuse.

What they really should do is to tax those who have the much higher incomes and also put a stop to big bonuses. I also think every politician should live for a month on benefits to see how they’d cope – or not cope, as the case may be.

Ah, my mistake then, I remember reading all the anti-Thatcher stuff and how she really didn’t care. I guess it was not quite accurate. In any case, Cameron would fit in quite well here, although at least he isn’t driven by an insane uber-“Christian” agenda. Not that it makes it any better.

All the anti-Thatcher stuff isn’t going to paint her in a good light, and I know that there are a lot of people who are still annoyed at what she did and that a lot of her policies are still in place. The vitrol that spewed when she died was really quite unpleasant. However, she was trying to see the bigger picture and improve things. I’m not sure that pretty-boy Cameron is even aware that there is a bigger picture… And if only our politicians really were driven by a Christ-like agenda. We might then see some actual improvement to all our countries. There’d be food and housing for those who need it and people would be encouraged to actually look out for each other instead of just for themselves, and communities would actually feel like communities again.

Maybe I’m too idealistic, but I’m not the only one. When you don’t have a lot of money, what you have is other people, and it’s in the poorer areas where you have people looking out for each other. If the car breaks down, your mate will do the work for free, providing you can look after his kids after school when he’s got to work late. In turn, his missis’ mate will pass on the clothes her kids have grown out of, and people will share toys, and books, and you’ll all get together to celebrate birthdays, with everyone bringing a bite to eat. Whereas people with a lot of money just employ staff to organise all this, and as a result lead lonelier lives. I know which one I’d rather!

Thank you so much. You wrote exactly what I don’t feel capable of expressing without bursting a blood vessel. I hate them, too. I used to believe that I hated politics. I don’t. I hate a lot of politicians, especially the Republican extremists in Congress and their Tea Party puppet masters. We are in desperate need of some sanity in government, but right now I’d settle for a guillotine.

I know how you feel, SDS—when I wrote this, I felt like I was going to burst a few blood vessels myself. The Republican extremists and the Tea Party are loathsome, foul, hateful creatures. The French had it right—guillotines and no mercy for those who have no interest in serving the people.

just watched the Canadian program Power and Politics and in Canada it is the number one issue being talked about — so sorry you guys are going through this–wish they would listen to you and a lot of the commenters here–

I love America, and I can’t imagine wanting to live anywhere else, but our system is so damn flawed. People are playing games with other people’s livelihoods with utter disregard for how it may impact those people both short and long-term. Any organization who makes decision that affects only those outside of the organization needs to go through some serious restructuring.

A gift for madame weebles, in return for this awesome blog post. SNL Parody on the shutdownhttp://www.hulu.com/#!watch/542149
(disclaimer: I had never heard of this song before, nor do I watch SNL any more, I just happened to stumble upon this — and it is pretty good satire.)

Weebs, even though pretty much every line of your rant here was funny, I have to give mention to my most favorite feature of this article: the “suck it” tag. I put you on my Christmas card list this year because of it. But I send out crappy cards so maybe that’s not a good list to be on. Actually, I don’t have a Christmas card list at all, but if I did, you’d be on it and your card would also include a “buy one grande coffee and get a free muffin” coupon that I got from Biggby’s this morning that I don’t really want.