It's been more than two weeks since I posted. I've been drafting, but nothing ever really seems to get to the point of being publishable. It's an apt metaphor for the way I've been feeling lately, as if I'm stuck in a place and I keep trying different things to get out of it but none of them seem to come to any fruition.

I've tried to kick myself out of this funk. Staying busy helped for a bit, but the things that made me feel better tapered off and all I was left with were stressful things, so that's faltered a bit. I've been working hard to "fix" my running habit, which always turns more difficult when the summer heat means I have to run very first thing if I'm going to go at all (my ideal running temperature is right around freezing, which isn't really compatible with Toronto summers). I've gone on walks, both alone and with the dogs. G and I have gone exploring, we've done some new things, I've changed up furniture arrangements and cleaned the house, but nothing really seems to be helping. I still feel jumbled up and frustrated.

I'm struggling right now with worry and sadness revolving in various levels around a bundle of money-related things, and although objectively I know it's a common feeling for people my age--and objectively I also know that we are, at least, on track for it to get better in the not too distant future--at the moment I'm mired in worry about it. It's partly a brain thing, certainly--there are lots of times I'm able to look at the things around me and be utterly content with them, and we're not in immediate danger or anything--but that doesn't change the feeling.

So it's been tough to get myself into the right headspace to write here. I want this to be a place where I write about positive things, where I talk about the stuff that makes me feel better, rather than the times when I'm not feeling very good at all. But at the same time, I want it to be honest, so there's no point in pretending I don't sometimes just need to tell the world I'm sad. Trying to hide it only makes me sadder.

For now, I'm just trying to keep up my energy and motivation to try new things until I find the next thing that works.