As a PS, this just does nothing for you. It kind of reads like a story you hear at some mixer event that you just want to end and never think about again. How does this make you interesting to me?

Not trying to be too harsh, but I think this is a complete do over for you. Figure out something about yourself that will give you some depth and intrigue as an applicant that I can't find in your transcripts, resume, and other objective features of your app.

This left me extremely underwhelmed about you and your introspection about yourself and who you are as an applicant.