We had one bad experience with a vibrator almost 30 years ago and gave up on sex toys until the last couple of weeks.

I feel bad because I was the one who wouldn't really talk about them or think about them and now I see how we've missed out on 30 years of INTENSE pleasure. It isn't just because of the toys though - I mean - I have very strong needs that I didn't realize and they help to relieve those needs.

But we've also missed out on a lot of the closeness that comes afterwards and the flirting that comes because of the extra fun.

I still say that sex is the frosting on the cake and the relationship itself is the cake that the frosting is on.

But ooh la la....gotta say that frosted cake is better than non-frosted cake.

If you're considering using toys but had a bad experience - don't give up and don't let that keep you from considering toys.

I can understand your feelings of having waited many years (40+) before starting (in our case) to use toys. We are just now really getting into them, and that is because of a medical problem that my wife has. We both have been experimenting some since she started, and it has helped us both. I can't say that it will ever be as good as it was at one time, but that is part of the medical problem and can't be overcome. Using the toys however, has allowed us to regain some mutual enjoyment that had been missing for sometime.
I agree also about the relationship being the cake of live. It has to be taken one bite at a time (just like an elephant). The frosting however does make it go down much easier.