*Lawyer: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?”* Witness: “No.”* Lawyer: “Did you check for blood pressure?”* Witness: “No.”* Lawyer: “Did you check for breathing?”* Witness: “No.”* Lawyer: “So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?”* Witness: “No.”* Lawyer: “How can you be so sure, Doctor?”* Witness: “Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.”* Lawyer: “But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?”* Witness: “Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.”

You might be a lawyer if:- You are charging someone for reading these jokes.- The shortest sentence you have ever written was more than eighty words long.- You have a daughter named Sue and a son named Bill.- Your other car is a BMW.- When you look in a mirror, you see a lawyer.- When your wife says "I love you", you cross-examine her.