long, long ago in a kingdom far, far away lived an acceptable looking prince who was preoccupied with…. well, nothing really. he was content with his life and held no aspirations.

the old king spoke to the prince one day: “son, you gotta get married and you gotta marry a princess with a rich dowry. we’re underwater on the castle mortgage and our credit score sucks.” his mother, the queen, chimed in “we have enough jewels left to throw a grande ball and find you a rich wife.” the prince knew his duty to his family and the kingdom. he could only hope that they could find someone quickly. of course, he also wished for someone charming, beautiful, fun and, most importantly, sweet. invitations went out at once {air fare and accommodations not included.}

the night of the ball arrived and so did every eligible princess for hundreds of miles around. one stood out from all the rest ~ unique, dancing as she walked, singing as she talked. good fortune came with her, for her mother’s queendom was the richest on the seven continents. the prince spent the entire evening in her company and she appeared to like him, too. one trait did seem a tad worrisome ~ it happens a lot in royal families {what with the small gene pool and no penicillin for conditions like syphilis.} she was quite mad as a hatter. {oops, wrong fairy tale… sorry.}

at midnight, the king and queen were delighted when the couple came to them asking permission to be married. the queen said there was just one condition ~ the princess must spend the night in the guest room. it meant giving up her deposit on a room at the local inn, but other than having to climb a ladder to reach the top of the pile of mattresses, the princess thought nothing of it. at breakfast the next morning, she looked exhausted and the prince appeared to be in pain. “whatever is the matter?” asked the king.

“what do you suppose?” snapped the princess sweetly “i could get no sleep with the sound of water dripping all night.” “and i’m sore from having to pee on the mattresses from midnight until sunrise” whined the prince. shaking her head, the queen looked aghast at her son. “no, no! i said place a pea on the mattresses, not pee on them!”

the prince and princess were married the following Sunday. they built their own castle with indoor bathrooms on every floor and went on to have seven very loony, very sweet children….. and they lived happily ever after.

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