Michael Bay’s production company that makes cheap remakes of old horror films, Platinum Dunes, has announced plans to remake Monster Squad. Monster Squad came out in 1987, was one of Shane Black’s first writing credits, and was one of a handful of 80s movies that tried to make the word “nards” happen, though it never really caught on like, say, “douchebag” or “awesome.”

Rob Cohen, who produced the original, hopes to direct the remake. Cohen will produce with Platinum Dunes partners Michael Bay, Brad Fuller and Andrew Form, and they’re meeting with writers.
A group of kids who worship the classic monsters suddenly discover that Dracula is in town, and he’s got his pals Frankenstein, The Wolf Man, The Gill Man and The Mummy with him. The kids must stop their efforts to find an amulet that will give the creatures control of the world. [Deadline]

I know we all have fond memories of this movie because we saw it when we were still eating paste and putting worms down our pants, but the truth is, it was always probably kind of stupid. The only difference now is that instead of the cute kind of stupid that we were used to, like a stripper who can’t read, we’ll get the Michael Bay kind of stupid, the stupid that’s honed to a fine point in focus groups and boardrooms and then jammed into your eyeball with a McDonald’s ad stuck on the end. Then Michael Bay will yell, “YAHTZEE, MOTHERF*CKERS!” and chop another line of coke for his cheetah.

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“OMG, wtf is with these rip off monster movies. I hope Taylor sues everyone.” MLIT

03.19.10 at 9:33 am

Erswi

In keeping with Bay’s traditional method of film-making this movie is gonna blow up.

03.19.10 at 9:35 am

Stone Soup

Dracula hangs with Gill Man? That is so boss. I’d love to be friends with Buck Rogers.

03.19.10 at 9:53 am

Stinky Peet

I saw Monster Squad at the Gilman back in ’82, a few fans met them on the tour bus after the show and did enough blow to kill a water buffalo.

03.19.10 at 9:53 am

Johns Little Dick

Things that I tried saying in the 80’s that also didn’t catch on…”policeasaurus-rex” “pottyblankstank” and “He-Man rocks you bitch, don’t turn it off or I’ll fucking kill you!”

The last one got me put in time out by my babysitter but it’s ok I replaced her birth control with tic-tacs. Enjoy!

03.19.10 at 10:08 am

Jirish

They should remake The Wizard but instead of an epic adventure to a Super Mario 3 tournament, it’s a bunch of 12 year olds sitting in their room yelling “faggot” into their headsets. Plus, explosions.

03.19.10 at 10:15 am

Mark It Zero

Can we get Hoobastank for the soundtrack, because where they fuck have they been? God, I hope they’re okay.

03.19.10 at 10:32 am

Moose

They should remake those PSA’s that showed up at the end of the GI Joe cartoons. The new one’s would teach kids useful info like how to find her G-spot, lock picking, pulling out and how to make improvised weapons.

03.19.10 at 10:34 am

Erswi

New Trejup!

03.19.10 at 10:44 am

spazmodic

At the risk of alienating my whole country, I’ve never met an Australian who has HEARD OF, let alone seen, Monster Squad.