Sometimes it’s hard for parents to realize that their children are getting old enough to do things on their own, from staying home alone to traveling solo. Because of that, it is up to you to prove to your parents that you are responsible for looking after yourself. By acting responsibly in other areas of your life, such as by getting a part time job or paying part of your car insurance, you will demonstrate your increasing ability to take care of yourself. Then, when you talk with your parents about doing something new on your own, you will be able to use this as evidence that you really are ready for this next step in your development.[1]

Steps

Method1

Building Trust

1

Finish your chores. If you are asking for more privileges from your parents, you need to demonstrate that they can depend on you. One way to do this is by completing your household chores and responsibilities on time.[2]

Complete your chores before you need to be reminded of them.

Be good-natured about helping around the house. If you complain the whole time you’re cleaning your room, for example, your work won’t be as appreciated.

2

Be a good student. An easy way to build trust with your parents is to do well in school. By taking care to finish your assignments on time and study as much as you can, you will show that you take your education seriously and are preparing to be a responsible adult.

3

Obey household rules. By respecting the rules they already have in place, you can show your parents that you understand limits and respect their viewpoint.[3]

Come home by your curfew. If your curfew is 11:30, don’t show up at 11:45. Staying out just 15 minutes after your designated time shows that you aren’t trustworthy.[4]

Respect their limits on screen time.

Don't have friends over when your parents aren't home, if that is one of their rules.

4

Treat siblings or pets with respect and take care of them if applicable. Any help you can offer around the house will be welcomed by your parents, and it will demonstrate again how responsible and mature you are. You can offer to help younger siblings with homework or watch them while your parents run errands. Additionally, you could be the primary person for making sure your pet is fed and exercised daily.

5

Respect your parents’ viewpoint on issues. Despite the fact that you want to assert your independence, you can still learn from your parents’ experiences and perspectives.

When they offer advice or constructive criticism of your behavior or choices, don’t immediately become defensive and argue with them. Rather, you can ask them why they feel the way they do and try to see things from their perspective.

Additionally, you can ask for their opinions when you are making difficult decisions or trying to solve a problem. They will be happy that you asked for their help, and they’ll be impressed that you are trying to solve your problems in a mature way.

6

Answer your phone when your parents call and return their texts. You can show your parents you respect them by responding promptly to their efforts to contact you. Being in contact with them also shows them that you are dependable and trustworthy.

7

Save your money. One way to demonstrate that you are maturing and looking towards the future is to be frugal and save money when possible. If you are asking your parents to allow you to study abroad or travel with a friend for the weekend, you need to show them that you can handle money responsibly.[5]

Set up a savings account at a local bank.

Track your spending and savings with an online app, like Mint or Pocket Money. Apps like these allow you to set up simple budgets and savings goals, and they can send you alerts when balances drop below a certain level. These will help you as you work to save money and work toward future goals.[6]

Method2

Taking Initiative

1

Help around the house proactively. In addition to completing your chores on time, you can show your maturity and responsibility by doing more than you are asked to do.

Clean the floor if you notice it’s messy.

Start a load of laundry if you notice the hamper is overflowing.

Mow the lawn or weed the garden.

Fill up the gas tank if you notice it’s empty.

2

Get a part-time job. By showing up and applying yourself at a job, you will demonstrate your ability to handle extra responsibility and you will learn valuable skills. If the new freedoms you are requesting cost money, you may be able to contribute some of your wages.[7]

Request and fill out applications for local businesses that are hiring, or ask your friends’ parents if they know of any opportunities.

After you submit your application or resume, follow up with the hiring manager a few days later, either in person or by phone.

3

Look for volunteer positions or internships you are passionate about. You may be able to find an internship that is related to the new freedom you are seeking. For example, if you want to study art abroad in Italy, you could try to intern at a local art museum. This could help prove to your parents that you truly are interested in studying art, and it may help your case.

Many businesses and non-profit organizations utilize interns for a variety of tasks.

Call the business or organization, and ask to speak with the intern coordinator. If they don’t have one, you could just speak with someone in the human resources department.

4

Offer to pay your own expenses. Your parents will be impressed by your maturity and willingness to contribute financially when you say you will pay for some of your needs and wants.

You could also pay for your clothing or some of your favorite snack foods.

5

Show that you know how to take care of yourself. When you are out in the world without parental supervision, you will need to know how to handle several different types of situations. Be proactive in demonstrating that you can depend on yourself and know how to get help when necessary.

Take a self-defense class.

Keep emergency contact information, such as police and fire department numbers, as well as contact information for friendly adults in your cell phone.

Don’t succumb to peer pressure. By demonstrating that you can think for yourself and don’t always follow the crowd, you will show your parents that you can be trusted to make good decisions on your own. If all of your friends are sneaking out to a party, don’t follow their lead. Likewise, if a group of classmates are planning to skip school on a certain day, show up for school.

6

Educate yourself on the new privilege you are seeking. Whether you are asking your parents’ permission to travel abroad or to let you stay home alone for a weekend, the more you know, the more convincing you will be.

If you want to travel abroad, for example, gather information on classes and programs offered where you would like to go. Find out where students are housed, what most students pay, and whether additional traveling opportunities are available.

If you want to stay home alone for a weekend, plan out how you would spend your time. Learn about what you would do in emergency situations and how you could keep yourself safe in your parents’ absence.

Method3

Persuading Your Parents

1

Involve your parents in your decision. Giving a child more freedoms and privileges is a big step for parents. If you ask for their advice or involvement in the process, they may be more willing to take your side.[8]

Ask them to help you do more research on the topic. Say something like, “I would like to drive with my friend to visit her sister at college. Can you help us figure out how long that would take and what the best route would be?”

You could also say something such as, “I really think I want to pursue a Ph.D. in art history. Can you help me figure out which study abroad program would be most beneficial for helping me reach this goal?”

2

Set a time to talk with your parents about your request. It’s not a good idea to ask your parents for new privileges as you’re all trying to get to school or work on time. By having a calm discussion with them, you’re more likely to convince them to see your side.

Figure out a time to talk with them when you will not be rushed.

If you have younger siblings, try to talk when they are not home. That way, you won’t be distracted or interrupted.

3

Open your discussion by clearly stating your request. By getting right to the point, you can more quickly start to explain to your parents what you want and why you think you deserve that new privilege. Stay calm and be respectful during your conversation.

Another approach could be, “I’ve really gotten interested in French history and culture through my French classes at school, I would like to study in Paris next year to really immerse myself in the culture.”

You could also remind them of how they could help themselves by granting you new freedoms: “I think you would have a better time at your cousin’s wedding if you made it a romantic weekend. I am happy to stay home by myself for a few days while you get away and relax.”

4

Show them how responsible you are. Take time during the discussion to show your parents how much you have matured recently, whether through improving your grades or volunteering at an animal hospital. In the hustle and bustle of daily life, sometimes everyone forgets to notice the changes going on around them.

You could show them how much your bank account has grown recently through your dedication to saving and/or your part-time job.

Be sure to remind them of all you have done recently around the house to make your home a better place.

If you’ve recently improved your math grade, make it a point to tell your parents during this discussion. Anything you can add about your added maturity and sense of responsibility will help you.

5

Show them what you’ve learned about the privilege you’re seeking. If you let them know that you’ve taken the time to research and think about what you’re asking for, they will be more likely to take your request seriously.

Use your research to say something like, “I know it will be expensive for me to study in Paris next year, but here’s how I plan to pay for most of it.” Or, you could take another approach, “Studies show that those who study abroad have an increased chance of attending graduate school.”

If your request involves extending your curfew, say something like, “Mom and dad, the concert I want to attend ends later than my curfew. The concert venue is in a safe location, and I will be with several friends. I think that I deserve an extended curfew because I know how to be safe and I will be responsible.”

6

React well if they say no. Despite all of your planning and persuasive efforts, your parents may not agree to additional freedoms or privileges for you just yet.

Calmly ask about their objections. You could say, “I’m really disappointed that you feel this way. Why do you think this is a bad idea?”

Don’t yell or cry; that response will further convince them you are not mature enough for extended privileges.

Ask what you can do to prove to them you are ready for this step. You could say something such as, “I understand you think I’m not ready to travel alone yet, but can we talk about this in a month or two? I think I’ll be able to show you that I’m responsible and ready for this privilege before we discuss this again.”