Saturday, September 20, 2008

RIGHTS OF BIOLOGICAL PARENTS

Never did I expect to be put down so badly after writing a comment at:

The Road to Parenthoodhttp://theroadtoparenthood.blogspot.com/2008/09/john-mccain-adoption-stand.htmlI do realize that our federal government has never been a part of adoption reform. After reading a blog about John McCain being one to seek ways to promote adoption, permit tax deductions..., I thought it would be interesting to know how he stands on open records. It would never hurt to have a President who does endorse adoption reform.It is obvious to me that Elizabeth and Brian need to be educated. They obviously don't understand that many triad members, not just adoptees do want open records. But it sounds as if they will be among the minority as adoptive parents to keep as many secrets as possible and do what they can to prevent any future children from searching for and finding birth family. They don't sound the type to ever bow their heads in shame. But it does sound as if they will put shame on future children if they even mention wanting their OBC or express a desire to find their birth family. It is obvious that they have closed minds refusing to listen to any views that others have because the following was posted when some of us did try to post a comment:

"WARNINGIF YOU DO NOT AGREE WITH THIS BLOG THEN STOP READING IT. NO ONE ISFORCING YOU TO READ IT.Posted by Elizabeth and Brian at 12:51 AM 0 comments Links to this post"

12 comments:

Sadly, I'm not surprised. There are some out there who actually believe that by adopting an infant they get a tabula rasa that can be shaped to their own desires.

I tried to post too. I just wanted to point out that there are other perspectives, but apparently our opinions are to be swept under the rug. I suspect that these are the kind of people who would prefer birth families not exist, and that adult adoptees keep our big mouths shut. If they can't handle the fact that adoptees have a family other than the adoptive one, they have no business adopting.

You are right Triona in saying they are the kind of people who would prefer that birth families not exist. As Marley pointed out, they are LDS.

Several years ago a birth mother friend of mine learned that an LDS couple had adopted her daughter. It was horrible the way she was treated and the daughter's husband did not allow Judy to talk to her. When Judy contacted an LDS church, she was told that she was worse than a dog in heat to have had a daughter out of wedlock. I have had no use for LDS churches since. I can't imagine a reputable agency wanting to place a child for adoption with an LDS couple but then many social workers don't really care about a child.

This blog is beginning to sound just as prejudiced as the adopting couple you are criticizing in this blog. The Mormons (or LDS) are overwhelmingly a wonderful group of people. A bunch of people from my local Mormon church sat with me for over an hour searching for a possible baptism record for me (I'm an adoptee searching for my birth family). They went above and beyond to try to help me.

I'm a Jew and as such it is hard to get past certain historical facts. When I had a really bad landlord many years ago (who happened to be German) is would have been so easy for me to say "all Germans are bad." It took great strength for me to not go in that direction.

Please judge everyone on their own personal worth and character, not on the category they happen to fall into. Why can't we all just get along?

Or maybe - just maybe - they didn't feel like making their blog yet another soap box for a bitter, bigoted, miserable hag with an ax to grind.

You know, that's a possibility. Maybe. Maybe everyone just doesn't bow down to your view. Maybe they don't appreciate you using a largely personal blog for your own activism. Maybe they have a different perspective. You know, maybe. Perhaps you "need to be educated" in such ideas as a basic right to privacy or religious liberty.

God pity you, in your senseless bigotry and hatred, and in your activism that has so blinded you to the humanity and rights of others and would have you deny children to an entire group based on religion. And God pity any children unlucky enough to have had you as a parent. I can't imagine a reputable person or organization who would refer to you as an ally in any cause - let alone a friend.

billy said - "Maybe they don't appreciate you using a largely personal blog for your own activism."

If the prospective adopters in question don't want to discuss adoption, they shouldn't be posting a blog about it.

also from billy - "God pity you, in your senseless bigotry and hatred, and in your activism that has so blinded you to the humanity and rights of others and would have you deny children to an entire group based on religion."

If you want to talk bigotry and hatred, not to mention being blinded to the humanity and rights of others, talk about those who keep adoption records closed. Adult adoptees are treated like second-class citizens and the knee-jerk reactions when we refuse to remain silent confirm it. If you don't like our "activism" as we strive for equal rights - tough.

And yes, if an entire group is going to deny adoptees those rights (e.g. unrestricted access to original birth certificates), they should be denied the chance to adopt. No one has the right to conceal information from an adoptee once that adoptee is an adult.

"deny children to an entire group" -- wtf? Parenting is a privilege, not a right! Expectant mothers are not chattel for providing healthy infants to the infertile. If this couple or others like them want to adopt, they can adopt from foster care instead of perpetuating the digusting practice of infant adoption. They could become mentors, volunteers, find ways to interact with children in any number of ways. They do NOT need to take another woman's baby!

See what they're saying over at www.firstmotherforum.com about LDS and adoption. It's eye-opening.

Billy and JoAnne are entirely wrong that I based my comment solely on the LDS faith. I based my comment on how Elizabeth and Brian lashed out at me just over saying that I would be interested in knowing John McCain's stand on open records.

Adoption does not stop with placing a child. The child grows up to be an adult and it is not right that they be denied learning about their origins. If they have a desire to have their OBC, they should have it.

I have never understood the Mormons being against an adult adoptee and their birth mother being reunited. They have a wonderful website to help people trace their family history but yet they don't feel that an adoptee should trace theirs. There is something wrong with that picture to me. This is the U.S. where we do have the freedom of speech.

If Elizabeth and Brian did not want to hear anything about open records on their blog, why not just nicely say that. Their behavior has reinforced my belief that Mormons are people that I prefer to keep a distance from.

The name calling by Billy was all uncalled for but then perhaps he is a juvenile that blogs.

Biological parents have no rights. I was found by my biological daughter and then senseless betrayed. I am not allowed to see my grandchildren. I tell my story on a website. terryrgraydotcom. Please check it out and feel free to leave commentary. Thank you.

Mxyxptlk, I'm sorry about your experience. But over the years I've conversed with many biological parents and they were not treated the same as you. I don't know how many years ago it was that your daughter was placed for adoption. I do know that my own birth father was stated as being "dead" on my adoption decree when in fact he was not. I was told by Catholic Charities that was "legal terminology" used. To this day it infuriates me but the only thing that I can do is to make it public knowledge and to include this in a book that I'm writing. But as far as your daughter goes. God did not make us all alike - Praise the Lord. It is unfortunate that she has treated you the way that she has. But there are just people in this world who we can be better off distanced from. I am sorry for your loss.

Mxyxptlk, I'm sorry about your experience. But over the years I've conversed with many biological parents and they were not treated the same as you. I don't know how many years ago it was that your daughter was placed for adoption. I do know that my own birth father was stated as being "dead" on my adoption decree when in fact he was not. I was told by Catholic Charities that was "legal terminology" used. To this day it infuriates me but the only thing that I can do is to make it public knowledge and to include this in a book that I'm writing. But as far as your daughter goes. God did not make us all alike - Praise the Lord. It is unfortunate that she has treated you the way that she has. But there are just people in this world who we can be better off distanced from. I am sorry for your loss.

Mxyxptlk, I'm sorry about your experience. But over the years I've conversed with many biological parents and they were not treated the same as you. I don't know how many years ago it was that your daughter was placed for adoption. I do know that my own birth father was stated as being "dead" on my adoption decree when in fact he was not. I was told by Catholic Charities that was "legal terminology" used. To this day it infuriates me but the only thing that I can do is to make it public knowledge and to include this in a book that I'm writing. But as far as your daughter goes. God did not make us all alike - Praise the Lord. It is unfortunate that she has treated you the way that she has. But there are just people in this world who we can be better off distanced from. I am sorry for your loss.

Welcome to My Blog

For over 30 years now I've been an advocate for open records. I had a good adoptive home. My father was killed in a freak accident when I was two years old. But my mother remarried and my step-father treated me as if I were his biological daughter. In 1997 the search for my birth family was completed. My birth parents died during my 20 plus year search. I've had a great reunion with siblings and other birth relatives. I want other searching adoptees to complete their searches. Open records laws in all states would make the task easier. Over the years I've conversed with many triad members and the majority have wanted laws so that all adoptees can request and receive their original birth certificate.

About Me

During a 20+ year search for my birth mother, I provided the AdopTriad BBS. I was the founder of Insight to The Adoption Triad, a search and support group in OH (Columbus and Delaware areas). For many years I helped numerous adoptees and birth parents throughout the U.S. with their searches and provided support during and afterwards. Although I'm not as active today I am the list owner for FamAdopt (Yahoo eGroups)and continue to offer advice and provide support. I'm currently writing a book about my own search and reunion since I do feel that it will be inspiring to many. This blog was started because I do feel the violation of the rights of adoptees needs to be more widely known in the hope that it will lead legislators to opening records in the majority of the states that still have closed records. ALL adoptees deserve their original birth certificate, just as those not personally touched by adoption obtain their OBC with no questions asked and are not denied this link to their heritage.