Newsletter

Annie: Reader asks why courts where so lenient in family member assault case

Annie's Mailbox

DEAR ANNIE: My friend “Alicia” has been married for more than two decades and has two very intelligent children. But she is married to a man who doesn’t work and has a lot of problems.

“Steve” left his job after a confrontation at work and has been living off of disability insurance, claiming he is bipolar. (He went to several doctors until he got one to give him this diagnosis.) He insists he has mental problems, as if he is proud of it. I do know he has anger issues and has been party to several incidents involving assaults, the latest against a family member. It earned him a short jail term and probation.

One of Steve’s children said his father has thrown them across the room in anger. He also said his mother is afraid of their father.

I worry that one day Steve will hurt Alicia or one of the children. How could the courts, who have seen him before and ordered anger management, give such lenient punishments and return him to hurt someone again? — Perplexed in Michigan

The courts cannot punish a person for something he or she might do in the future. Although we understand why you would want someone with a history of assaults to be locked up for an eternity, some judges are more lenient than others within the sentencing guidelines.

Alicia needs to take steps to protect her children and herself. Please urge her to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (ndvh.org) at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233) and ask for help. And if you think those children are in danger, report the situation to the police or Child Protective Services.

DEAR ANNIE: I’ve read the letters you’ve printed from both men and women about women keeping their maiden names after marriage.

My co-worker “John Smith” hyphenated his name and his wife’s so she could retain her maiden name. She was “Jane Jones,” and together they became John and Jane Jones-Smith. Maybe this could work for others. — Phoenix

Hyphenating both last names is one possibility. This is a subject that any couple should discuss before marriage, but we believe the final decision to keep or change one’s maiden name belongs to the woman.