Old Internet Junk!

I first went online in 1995, back when you paid by the hour for an extremely slow connection. At the time, my concept of the internet only went as far as what America Online would show me. Actual websites existed, of course, but between the slow speed and my unfamiliarity, I mostly stuck with chat rooms, forging fast friendships with total strangers that were completely forgotten ten minutes later.

Even after just a few years, a lot had changed, but it was still no comparison to what we have today. Here’s an actual screenshot of my computer screen from September 16th, 2000:

Still on AOL. Still on dial-up. Thirty programs always running simultaneously. Goddamned RealPlayer.

Everything was plodding and everything was made of glass, but we didn’t take it that way. Hell, I must’ve been having fun, since I somehow spent more time on the internet back then than I do now. (Well, duh. It took ten times as long to do anything.)

Below are five things I enjoyed from my earliest days online, in no particular order.

#1: Urbanfetch: (Late 1999/Early 2000)

I was around to see the great race to make “online shopping” a working thing. Even if the amount of virtual stores was nothing compared to today’s glut, the lengths those companies went to for your business was just nuts. It seemed less about making money and more about taking a hit in order to grab a foothold. If a consumer had his finger on the pulse of it all, he could really take advantage.

One example: During the holiday season of ‘99, countless desperate companies released online coupons for “$10 off $10” orders, or even “$20 off $20” orders. I ran through as many of those offers as I could find, getting everything for free by staying under the coupon amount. Books, movies, vitamins, whatever. I’d say that I don’t know how those companies survived the storm of thousands of people doing the same thing, but the truth is, many of them didn’t.

In a similar vein was Urbanfetch. Like a miniature Amazon, they mostly sold video games, movies and books. The difference was that Urbanfetch, a Manhattan-only retailer, used its own team of messengers to deliver your purchases within a few hours.

To gain even more attention, Urbanfetch sliced the prices on nearly everything in its store, including the then-new Sega Dreamcast. It wasn’t a token sale, either. They cut the prices IN HALF. While everyone else in the country was zipping from toy store to toy store hoping to pay full price for a system that was always out of stock, there was Urbanfetch, personally delivering it for half the price.

It was insane. I already had a Dreamcast, but since the sale extended to video games, I bought five or six of ‘em at half price. I didn’t live in Manhattan, so I just had them delivered to a friend who worked there. Even she got in on the deal: Urbanfetch included free cookies with every order!

As you’d suspect, this wasn’t a sustainable model, and Urbanfetch bottomed out soon after.

#2: AOHell: (Late ‘90s)

My earliest years online were spent nearly exclusively within AOL’s universe. To me, “online” just meant chat rooms and e-mail, and eventually, instant messages. AOHell was an early “cracking” program that probably did worse things than I remember it doing, since I only used it to be a pest to total strangers.

It wasn’t like I was a part of some hacking circle. AOHell was extremely easy to find in the AOL’s “secret” chat rooms. (“Secret” in quotes because everybody knew of them.)

With the click of a button, you could flood a chat room with ASCII nonsense. Another click sent your target incessant and unstoppable instant messages. Another would bomb them with e-mails. It was as dumb as it sounds, but for a teenager on AOL, that program made us feel like gods.

#3: Yahoo! Chess: (Late ‘90s)

I don’t know the precise history of Yahoo! Chess, but by 1998 or so, it was a daily part of my internet doings. The simple chess game is still running today, but it’s obviously been outclassed by the zillion other multiplayer games that have sprung up since.

What originally made it stand out was that you could actually play against a real person. I know it’s hard to believe, but that was an incredible thing at the time. Everyone I “ran with” played Yahoo! Chess, and I don’t think a single one of us even liked chess.

Another key attraction was the game’s attached chat window. We all had those two or three friends that we messaged back and forth with endlessly. Instead of dinging them with nonsense all night, you’d just chat in Yahoo! Chess, slowly playing a game that you were barely interested in to begin with.

But the neatest thing about it wasn’t the chess or the chatting:

It was those icons! Or avatars! Whatever they’re called!

You’d choose between a bunch to represent you, and once you got past the normal human characters, they were so weirdly great. Humanoid dogs! Blue devils! A fat-headed alien boy in a Yahoo baseball cap! The icons were barely noticeable on the screen, but that didn’t stop us from putting IMMENSE THOUGHT into which would represent us.

Sometimes I’d just sit there clicking through them for ten minutes, hoping that my opponents would see the random heads rotating. I still don’t know if they ever did.

#4: Old Amazon Orders: (Mid ‘90s – Today)

I placed my first Amazon order in 1999, and assume that some of you have been ordering from Amazon for just as long.

So, here’s a trick. Did you know that you can still see every order you’ve ever placed from Amazon, no matter how old it is? Click “Your Account,” then go into “Your Orders.” Keep digging, and you’ll soon be drenched with the strangest kind of nostalgia. Many memories will be sparked by seeing what you’ve ordered. I’ve rediscovered passions previously forgotten, and remembered people that I haven’t thought of in years.

Those are actual screenshots from my ancient orders. Take special note of the quantity on that first order. Darth Sidious figures were on sale for a dollar each. I bought twenty of them for some ancient X-Entertainment contest that never got off the ground. Totally forgot about that. Now I know why I find eight Darth Sidiouses every time I do a major cleaning.

#5: AOL’s Red Dragon Inn Chat Room: (Mid to Late ‘90s)

I typically shuffled through AOL’s chat rooms without rhyme or reason, but sometimes, I found a special one that not only grabbed my attention, but managed to hold it for months.

The Red Dragon Inn was AOL’s “roleplaying” chat room, acting as a sort of medieval “bar” in the fictitious land of RhyDin.

You’d waltz in, devise some strange character for yourself, and chat with everyone using a phony old world language that came off more like malformed Pig Latin. Maybe you’d be a knight, or a monster, or a mage, or a werewolf. Maybe you’d be that mysterious guy in the corner, wearing all black while studying your grog.

I was the worst kind of player, and there were many like me. The Red Dragon Inn had been around long before I found it, and its original crew strictly adhered to the rules they’d set. As AOL grew enormous, many new players entered the fray, and we were far less dedicated. We’d stay in-character if it was fun to do that, but the moment things got boring, all bets were off.

Like, let’s say I went into the room pretending to be a bounty hunter looking for clues. All well and good. I’d interact with people, and they’d play along. If they wanted to engage me, they did. If they didn’t, they’d slide out of the conversation, always careful to stay in character. (“…Lady Ravenclaw moves to the other side of the Inn, distracted by an unseen spectre…”)

But man, the moment I got bored or had to leave, the shit hit the fan. Suddenly I was the Terminator. Suddenly I had giant guns and was on a mission to kill everyone, as loudly and with as many caps-locked words as I could type. It took less than a minute to ruin everyone’s fun. The good players would do their best to ignore me, but my fellow “noobs” would just as suddenly come at me with flamethrowers.

Other times, we’d try to get everyone to “sing” the then-current pop songs, line by line. Nothing spoiled medieval roleplaying faster than virtual Chumbawamba karaoke.

Still, my best memories of the Inn are of the times I played “correctly.” It was the one true roleplaying experience I’ve ever had. The only limit to the possibilities was your own imagination, and when I put it like that, I immediately understand why so many people still D&D their hearts out.

Unbelievably, I still have an AOL account. I never use it, but I can’t bring myself to kill it. It’s a good thing I didn’t, because believe it or not, AOL still has chat rooms – including The Red Dragon Inn!

I took this screenshot yesterday. I can’t believe that the good ol’ Red Dragon Inn is still there.

Unfortunately, AOL’s chat rooms aren’t what they used to be. A few actually had people using them, but the Red Dragon Inn was decidedly empty. Still, I couldn’t resist the chance for one last go:

@3 – Well, Vertigo was probably only active from around late 1996 to somewhere near late ’99. Things had really slowed down by the end though because between us and all the other release groups, the non-prototype NES/FC stuff left to dump was pretty much tapped out. Did a little work with the LostLevels project after that to take care of some of those protos, though.

@Jim – Yeah, that woulda been around the right time. Vertigo actually dumped the “Earthbound Zero” prototype that Demi led the way to obtain. Fun times.

http://galileo908.blogspot.com Galileo908 (formerly Invader Norbert)

Man, I remember all of this, especially the “pay by the hour” bullcrap. That old AOL interface brought me back. Hell, I remember that you had to go onto this “Internet Welcome” page in order to go on the internet back in 1997! They didn’t add a URL bar until a few years later!

http://www.facebook.com/therealteddyray Teddy Ray

I’m late to the party, no one will read this, but I HAVE to comment. This is awesome, Matt! My early Internet experience sounds different from a lot of you, but still kind of the same. Also, you’re BFFs with Pee Wee Herman AND Courtney Love! Score!

I first got online around ’95 or ’96, I think. I was still in high school and before we had a computer/Internet at home, I used the Internet at school. Of course, I live in a small town and the Internet was unheard of then. I remember being in the school library online, then someone would pick up the phone and be confused by the “weird noise” they heard. Then I would get kicked off, of course. One of my favorite teachers lived just down the road from me and he let me come to his house to use his computer to make a poetry notebook for my English class. He had the Internet and didn’t mind if I used it and that was where I REALLY first experienced the Internet. I remember printing out pictures of Teri Hatcher that took WAY too long to load, haha. I also remember discovering that my favorite Christian hair metal band at had more CDs than I was aware of and that was my first Internet purchase, ordering Guardian CDs from the band. It was awesome.

When we finally got a computer/Internet at home (late ’96, I believe), we went with AOL. I still have an AOL account, but rarely use it. I remember the chat rooms well. I miss the old days in a lot of ways, especially finding people in the directory. I also spent a lot of time in the message boards on AOL. I don’t have any friendships that I kept from chat rooms, but I have quite a few friends that I met on the message boards. Good times, good times. I’ve even met a few in person. Oh, and that Christian metal band I mentioned? I used to talk to some of them on AIM. When I met them after a show, I told them my name and they knew me and even commented about how nice I was because they usually weren’t online long and apparently others were rude about them leaving, but they said I was understanding and gracious about it, which made me happy.

I’ve rambled long enough (and no one will read this), but I just wanted to add that my first Amazon purchase was in 2003. It was a book called “The Subject Steve.” I can’t remember WHY I bought it, but I remember I didn’t like it very much.

Benji

Matt,
This might sound completely ridiculous, but I started reading XE when I was around 14. I added “XECharChar” on to my buddy list and was extremely nervous to IM you any time you were on. I think I worked up the nerve once, and you never responded. I was pretty okay with that.

Ben

Great Stuff! If you could devote 100% of your time to updating this post with more 90’s internet gold, I would be very happy.

Richard Davies

Lots of old internet memories on here.

I remember my family getting lots of AOL CD ROMS, most of which ended up as coasters.

I’ve still got a load of floppy disks of stuff copied from websites as text files so I could read them offline.

I remember how dialing to get online could be very hit & miss. Until my parents got broadband in 2005 it could be a challenge to get through.

I’ve used the Wayback Machine a few times, it’s not perfect though & a few sites seem to be lost for good.

The Richest in Nebraska

This brings back great memories of sitting in my public library, browsing the Yahoo Halloween portal.

Monte

What I remember most about the Internet in those days was everyone else in the house getting pissed at me all the time for hogging the phone line.

Nick deLeon

Great article! Have been a fan of your writing since the “Magic Peanut” days on X-E. I remember chat rooms. I remember using chat rooms as vehicle to cull my hormonal teenage curiosities. They were exciting times…glad you have such a great memory to take us back to these places, these places in our past, that make us feel warmer than melting marshmallows in mug of hot cocoa.

Alex

I use to play pool, it was always funny how some people werre really good and beat you within seconds and then just log off.

There use to be a Rock N roll jeopardy site you played with actual people. Too bad they stopped it.

http://www.facebook.com/v8fordtempo Steve M.

yes! I just quit paying my $10 for my actual account this year… the NEOhio chatrooms and all the others were just dead… but still there (and they were member created, so SOMEONE had to be going in there to keep them up…

I still have AOHell on my old HP Pavilion.. what a great system it was..

Remember Quikfyre and the rest of the programs that came with it from Da Chronic,Rizzer and Nafire? lol

You didn’t play Runescape? lol I miss the servers before the ‘upgrades’ I lost my character and all the cool stuff I had in the “bank” I tried to get back into it, but all I got thru the tutorial island with was some burnt shrimp haha