Children in a family are
like flowers in a bouquet: there's always one determined to face in an opposite direction
from the way the arranger desires.

Marcelene Cox

Give a small boy a hammer and he will
find that everything he encounters needs pounding.

Abraham Kaplan

You don't have to suffer to be a poet;
adolescence is enough suffering for anyone.

John Ciardi

You can learn many things from children.
How much patience you have, for instance.

Franklin P. Jones

People often ask me, "What's the
difference between couplehood and babyhood?" In a word? Moisture. Everything in my
life is now more moist. Between your spittle, your diapers, your spit-up and drool, you
got your baby food, your wipes, your formula, your leaky bottles, sweaty baby backs, and
numerous other untraceable sources--all creating an ever-present moistness in my life,
which heretofore was mainly dry.

Paul Reiser, Babyhood

Cleaning your house while your kids are
still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

Phyllis Diller

Having a family is like having a bowling
alley installed in your brain.

Alan Bleasdale

Anyone who thinks the art of conversation
is dead ought to tell a child to go to bed.

Robert Gallagher

I think were seeing in working
mothers a change from Thank God its Friday to Thank God its
Monday. If any working mother has not experienced that feeling, her children are not
adolescent.

Ann Diehl: Vogue Jan 85

I was cesarean born. You can't really
tell, although whenever I leave a house, I go out through a window.

Steven Wright

When I was born, I was so surprised I
couldn't talk for a year and a half.

Gracie Allen

Parents: persons who spend half their
time worrying how a child will turn out, and the rest of the time wondering when a child
will turn in.

Ted Cook

Children are unpredictable. You never
know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next.

Franklin P. Jones

It is not economical to go to bed early
to save the candles if the result is twins.

Chinese Proverb

No animal is so inexhaustible as an
excited infant.

Amy Leslie

A baby is an inestimable blessing and
bother.

Mark Twain

You know your children are growing up
when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they are going.

P.J O'Rourke

Children seldom misquote. In fact, they
usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.