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I didn't like it, so sue me: The worst of OLTL 2013:
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Bo grows concerned when Starr tells him that Cole seems to have disappeared. Meanwhile, John returns to the motel room in New Orleans and discovers that Marty is missing. John and Bo become convinced that Marty and Cole's disappearances are connected after John learns that Marty was spooked by a person wearing a Death mask on Halloween and that Bo found a similar mask at Cole's. John makes the difficult decision to return to Llanview but leaves Todd and Blair with a clue to Marcie's location. At the Bon-Jour, Gigi reaches out to Marcie, who leads her to believe she's on the run from an abusive husband. Gigi suggests that Marcie get a room at the Bon Suites. Viki and Charlie enjoy their date at the drive-in movie. The revelation that Asa has another long lost son sends shockwaves through the family and everyone is aware that Nigel is privy to Asa's secret. Nigel inherits Asa's yacht and the deed to St. Blaze's. Dorian and Roxy are relieved to find out that Adriana's isn't pregnant. Roxy advises Dorian to hightail it to Texas after learning that Nora has been spending time with Clint.

At the ranch, the family is stunned when Asa doesn't leave them any money, instead giving each of them a seat on the board of Buchanan Enterprises. The wily Asa still manages to get in the last word when it's revealed that the family will have to vote on business issues unanimously. The astonished Buchanans realize that if they don't work together, the company could fail.

A stunned Dorian runs into David and Alex and learns that they're married. Alone, David tells Dorian he only married Alex for her money, unaware that she has none. At the same time, Alex fears her plans could go out the window after learning that Asa's will is being read in Texas. The cagey schemer then surprises David by saying that they're headed for the Lone Star state.

Gigi helps a worried Marcie get settled at the Bon Suites. Drawing on her own experiences, Gigi assures Marcie that everything will work out fine. On their date, Charlie admits to Viki that he's trying to track down his estranged son. Later, Marcie has a near miss with Viki. Meanwhile, Starr is consumed with worry about Cole.

Bo and John talk outside Marty's apartment. No one has heard anything about Marty or Cole. They go inside, under the crime scene tape, and see that Marty's apartment has been trashed. John discovers the service door has been jimmied. Both Bo and John think it has something to do with Patrick. If it's not Patrick, it's Miles. John says if Miles had anything to do with the disappearance, he'll kill him. John explains what he and Marty were doing in New Orleans with Blair and Todd. Bo warns him to stay away from Miles. John says he won't go looking for the guy, but he can't promise what will happen if he runs into the guy. While Bo is on the phone, John finds a journal on the floor and picks it up and puts it inside his coat. Bo asks if he can help with the Marcie situation. John thanks him and leaves.

Michael is working out his many frustrations on the heavy bag at Rourke's, as the Vega brothers look on, wincing. Antonio pokes Cristian about missing Sarah again. Antonio leaves and Cristian approaches Michael. Michael tells him that he got suspended from the hospital due to the accusation of perjury leveled against him. Michael is furious at Marcie because she ran and now they will never be able to work out an arrangement with Todd. Cristian reminds Michael that he and Marcie had a great thing, and maybe they can get it back. Michael doubts it because he thinks Marcie is going to jail. Michael says he can't get over thinking about giving up their child. He thanks Cristian for listening. Cristian tells Michael that Lisa won't let Cristian see Evangeline again, but Layla told him Evangeline's reflexes are coming back. Michael thinks Marcie has forgotten about him. Michael leaves and looks like he might cry. Cristian thinks about calling Sarah and then his phone rings, and it's her.

Marcie narrowly misses seeing Viki in the hallway of her hotel. She keeps trying to remember Tommy's new name, which is Billy., Gigi arrives with breakfast. Marcie thanks her because she's scared to go outside. Gigi finds a photo of Michael with Tommy. Gigi talks about running from something, and makes comparisons to Marcie's husband, and Marcie loses it. She tells Gigi she lied when she told her that Michael was a monster. Gigi and Marcie come to terms, with Marcie trying to defend Michael, and Gigi insisting that she not stick up for the man she's running from. Gigi makes her repeat out loud that she did nothing wrong, and that her husband is not a good man. Gigi leaves to go to work. Marcie picks up her phone and almost calls Michael, but Tommy wakes up. Marcie misses Michael.

Alex, David, and Dorian arrive at the Bon Jour Café. They snipe at each other and make disparaging remarks about the menu. Viki comes through the door to start her shift, and panics when she sees Dorian. Viki runs into Gigi and begs her to wait on the Llanview crowd, but Gigi's not on shift for another hour. Dorian spots Viki's back and starts shouting "Waitress!" Viki sneaks her way into the restaurant, crawling on the floor, as Noelle takes David's lunch order. Dorian and Alex compare their respective relationships with Clint and David. David gets directions to Asa's ranch. Viki sneaks past Dorian into the kitchen. Moe almost blows Viki's cover, then answers Dorian, who is annoyed the food is taking so long. Dorian begins looking in Alex's purse, and Alex catches her. David and Alex flirt in front of Dorian. Noelle's sister calls: she's in labor, so Viki is supposed to serve table 6, where Dorian, David, and Alex are sitting. Viki refuses to serve them. Dorian continues to challenge David's marriage, and then she sniffs the air. We are led to believe that she recognizes Viki's perfume, but really Dorian has smelled the wonderful bouillabaisse that Moe has made. The three get their bouillabaisse to go. Noelle asks Viki why she's so curious about the snooty woman, and Viki covers her lapse. Dorian gets Moe's recipe, and the three leave. Moe looks smitten.

Miles tells Roxy he couldn't sleep because he thinks the police are after him. Roxy brings Miles coffee and tries to help him figure out why the police think he is involved in Marty's disappearance. Miles and Roxy talk about how he's getting over Marty with therapy. Miles swears he did nothing to hurt Marty or Cole. He tells Roxy about the guy in the death mask that had Marty so scared. Michael arrives back at the Angel Square Hotel, saying he's not going to ask if Marcie called any more, because he knows the answer. Roxy tells him not to give up hope. John arrives and glares into the window. He comes inside and ignores Michael and wipes the table with Miles' face, asking him what he did to Marty and Cole.

Starr is still freaking out about Cole being missing. Langston and Markko try to get her to calm down. Antonio arrives at La Boulaie to go over more questions with Starr. They tell him Cole was lying about why he didn't meet them but they don't know why. Bo arrives and tells Starr that Cole and Marty are missing.

John accosts Miles, nearly choking him, in his quest for information on Marty and Cole. Miles denies knowing anything though John doesn't believe him. Roxy steps in to defend Miles. John tells Michael that Marcie can't be found though she appears headed to Texas. Michael is extremely perturbed that his brother has moved Marty to the top of his list of importance. Lee Ramsey shows up with some agents and demands that the hotel be searched. He's sure that John is hiding information on Marcie's whereabouts. He's pretty sure that John has led him there purposely, stalling the search for Marcie and letting her get further away. At first, John is quiet about Marty but after he's handcuffed and threatened with jail, he tells Ramsey about the apparent kidnapping. Surprisingly, the FBI agent is familiar with Patrick Thornhart's case; they figure that Marty is being held by a terrorist.

An unconscious Marty slowly awakens and finds herself in a locked room. She begins banging on the door to no avail and begins to pray for John to find her.

Gigi accuses Viki of knowing the Yankee customers she so obviously tried to avoid but Viki denies it. Gigi talks about how she'd like to have money like them though Viki tells her it really doesn't buy happiness. She admits she had a good time on her date with Charlie who shows up to spend more time with her. He wants to get to know her better and wonders when their next date will be. They both feel better that they've finally had someone to talk to and she mentions the visitors from back home who stopped by. They made her realize that she's not ready to go home, which causes her suitor to smile. Viki asks Charlie what his last name is and he informs her that he's always simply been known as Charlie B.

Dying to speak to a non-Buchanan, Sarah gives Cris a call. She fills him in on her new possession of Asa's record collection and they agree to give a listen at Capricorn. She's feeling better hearing his voice and tells him that the will was complicated, that she now has to spend time on a board with family members, the people she really would rather not be with. The conversation is interrupted by Jared, looking for Sarah. Cris hears, finds out that Sarah invited him to Texas, and terminates the conversation. He's concerned that Sarah is going to hurt Nat, he says. She figures that both he and Jared spend an awful lot of time thinking about Natalie, though Jared denies being hung up on her. He's happy to have been invited and doesn't mind it when Sarah admits that she invited him to make Natalie crazy. Cris takes his frustrations out on the punching bag at the gym and is happily flattered when one of the girls there asks him out.

The rest of the family, minus Nat and Chuck who appear to have disappeared, celebrate Asa with a barbeque and toast. Nash and Jared come to blows when Jared makes a derogatory comment about Jess. Clint still finds himself wondering what the real story is with his daughters and Jared but he's assured that everything is under control. Matthew and Clint try to convince a scared Nora to go horseback riding with them. Jared feels bad that Renee has to keep an eye on him. The Buchanans are pretty interesting to watch, he tells her. Renee confides that she's not really a true Buchanan, and not considered one, having not been born into the family. Clint and Nora banter and seem to really enjoy each other's company. Clint gets nowhere when he asks Nigel about Asa's long lost son. Nigel is informed that there are visitors at the gate, including someone by the name of Vickers.

Todd and Blair are en route to Paris, Texas. Todd is doubtful of any leads provided by John. Blair attempts to convince Todd that she believes John is being truthful. Starr is distraught as she wonders where Cole is. Todd calls Starr to check on her; Starr reveals to her father that she is frightened by what has happened to Cole and Marty. Todd attempts to ease his daughter's worry, by telling her Marty and Cole are probably together and that Marty will never let anything happen to her son. Todd tells Starr that he and Blair will be home soon and she will have her parents to help her get through this. Todd even offers to search for Cole himself when he returns home and says he would do anything for Starr. After hanging up with Starr, Todd expresses his anger with Marcie to Blair. Todd says she took his son from him and now she is taking him away from Starr and Jack; he is determined to make her pay.

Ramsey wants answers from John involving information on Marty and Cole. John reveals that he has recently learned about Patrick being murdered; Ramsey has knowledge of the international terrorist that was responsible for the murder. The FBI has been seeking information on the individual for years. John offers to work with Ramsey in an effort to locate Marty and Cole; Ramsey has no desire to share any of the Bureau's information with John but is curious about what John knows. John warns Ramsey if he makes this case all about him instead of helping Marty and Cole, he will take him down. John attempts to focus Ramsey's attention on Marty and Cole and off of Marcie. John sees this as an opportunity to save Marcie as well as locate Marty and Cole. Ramsey admits he would love more than anything to capture the international terrorist that murdered Patrick. John believes Ramsey is only going after Marcie in an attempt to hurt him. Ramsey is unnerved by John's statement that he would endanger someone in an attempt to hurt John; he reminds him of Catlin's death. John suggests to Ramsey how capturing the terrorist and at the same time protecting Marcie and Tommy would help his career – in oppose to the bad press he will receive for going after a woman who is only trying to protect her child. Ramsey wants to know what John knows about Marty and how it relates to the subject he is looking for. John is adamant about forming an alliance. He has information that can help Ramsey and after he solves the case, he will allow Ramsey to receive full credit. Ramsey tells John that if he agrees to work with him, it will be on his terms; John agrees if he is allowed access to the FBI files on the case. Ramsey agrees to arrange transport to Washington and allow John to review the files, as long as John gives him any information he needs. Michael appears just as John and Ramsey are sealing the deal; Mike angrily accuses John of giving up on Marcie. Ramsey leaves in order to allow John and Michael time to discuss the turn of events. Michael questions why John would go to DC. with Ramsey and his family is still missing. John tries to explain to Michael that Marty and Cole have been abducted by a killer. Michael is unconcerned by Marty and Cole's predicament; he feels if John stops looking for Marcie he may never see her or Tommy again. John tells Michael that by working with Ramsey to find Marty and Cole, Ramsey will leave Marcie alone. Michael is convinced that Todd will hurt Marcie if he finds her; he urges John to go after Marcie and let the FBI find Marty. John tells Michael that Todd would not hurt Marcie because he won't jeopardize hurting his son; John sternly tells Michael that he is helping Marcie the best way he can, by diverting Ramsey's attention from Marcie.

Cole is thrown into the dark, locked, secluded room that Marty has been held in, by an unknown man. Cole asks his mother where are they. She tells him they are in an isolated location somewhere in Ireland. A confused Cole wants to know how they ended up in Ireland. Marty tells Cole about being abducted in her hotel room; Cole tells his mother that he was abducted in the apartment by someone wearing a death mask. The two realize that they both have had previous encounters with this unknown person. Marty tells Cole this person has been after them and promises she will never let anything happen to him. Cole frantically questions his mother about why someone is after them.

At the Bonjour Café, Viki is questioning Charlie about how she could ever date a man whose last name she is unaware of. Viki is surprised when Charlie refers to going by the name of Charlie "B" and reveals that he is an alcoholic; he wonders if this will change Viki's perception of him. Viki apologizes for prying. Charlie, while avoiding to divulge his last name, tells her she has every right to inquire about his identity. Charlie admits that he is not proud of the person he was as an alcoholic and has no desire to relive it again. He states he has been sober for over ten months and is taking it one day at a time. Charlie wants to know if he has an opportunity of a second date with Viki. Viki tells him she would never turn down a second date with him. Charlie admits he was manipulative as an alcoholic; he used people and let down his son in the worse way. He insists that Charlie "B" is a new guy that he likes, but warns Viki that if "Charlie – with the last name" ever returns, that she walk away from him because she doesn't deserve the terrible person that he is. Viki understands Charlie's request and appreciates his desire to protect her. Viki asks Charlie when Charlie "B" will get his last name back. Charlie replies when he earns it. He goes on to say that last names are not that important and if she really wants to know his, he will be willing to tell her. Viki is respectful of his privacy and tells him she is Viki "D". Charlie gently takes Viki's hands into his. Noelle wants Moe's expert opinion on the pie she has prepared for this year's bake-off. Moe tells her that she could never win because he will. An infuriated Noelle is upset that Moe intends to enter the bake-off and threaten her chances of winning; she wages war against him.

At the stables, Clint playfully teases Nora about preparing for her upcoming horseback riding lesson. Nora is enjoying her time with Clint, but is less than thrilled with the idea of riding a horse. Clint and Nora discuss how upset Dorian will be upon hearing the news that Asa has left the mansion to Nora. As Clint attempts to teach Nora the fundamentals of riding, Nora almost falls off the saddle but Clint is there to catch her. Clint and Nora discuss Bo's absence; Nora feels Bo wanted to be there for Lindsay. Clint mentions how Bo and Lindsay started out as friends and then something happened; he says they are now trying to figure out how to make things work. Nora tells Clint that is what friends do. Clint asks Nora if she believes there could be more than friendship. Nora asks Clint who exactly they are talking about.

Back at the ranch, Nigel quietly listens as Dorian, David and Alex argues with one another. Nigel questions why the trio has come to the ranch. Dorian wants to know Clint's whereabouts and Alex questions Nigel about the contents of Asa's will. She informs a startled Nigel, that she is now Mrs. David Vickers. Nigel is curious about the marriage, but Dorian is determined to find out where Clint is. Nigel admits to a jealous Dorian that Clint and Nora have gone off riding together. An angered Dorian demands that Nigel take her to Clint at once. Nigel informs her that Clint and Nora could be anywhere on the grounds and cannot help her; he suggests that Dorian makes herself at home until Clint and Nora return. Alex would like Nigel to prepare a room for she and David; Nigel questions why they have come to the ranch. David tells Nigel he hasn't a clue but Alex tells Nigel they are there for financial business of a personal nature. As Nigel attempts to get rid of Alex and David, Alex is adamant about staying until she and David have an opportunity to speak with Clint. In disgust, Dorian storms out of the room and leaves to locate Clint. David apologizes to Alex but doesn't want Dorian to wander the ranch alone, he wants to follow her and make sure she is safe. Alex agrees and states she would like to have a private talk with Nigel. As Nigel attempts to avoid Alex, she tells him they both know she has returned to once again take her rightful place as "Mrs. Alex Olanov Buchanan".

As Jessica and Nash enjoy themselves cuddling outdoors, Sarah and Jared appear to join in on the fun. As Nash and Jared begin to argue, Natalie arrives with Chuck and decides to join the others. Jared is obviously jealous as Natalie and Chuck relax in one another's arms. Jared insinuates that Natalie and Chuck have been having a sexual relationship. Everyone becomes upset with Jared for suggesting that Natalie and Chuck have had sex, but Jared insists he was told by Natalie. Natalie continues to let everyone believe she and Chuck had sex; she tells them that Jared barged into her room and saw the two of them in bed together. Sarah is disgusted by Jared's actions. Natalie asks everyone if they have any problems about her and Chuck sleeping together. As everyone remains silent, Natalie looks bothered as Jared tells her he guesses he had more respect for her than her family did. Chuck becomes angry and demands Jared show Natalie respect. Natalie calms Chuck and reveals that she would like to hear what Jared has to say; Jared relates that he will only speak to her in private- he doesn't want to humiliate her anymore than she has already humiliated herself. Natalie does not care to be alone with Jared. A frustrated Jared asks Sarah to leave with him; Sarah tells him she's done with him and abruptly leaves. Jessica and Chuck refuse to leave Natalie alone with Jared, but Natalie insists she will be fine and offers to hear whatever Jared has to say. Jared attempts to explain to Natalie how much Jessica ruined his life and he is simply trying to regain what he lost. Natalie tells him he should have been honest from the very beginning. Jared questions Natalie's honesty; he reminds her of how she was dishonest with Viki when she came to town to reclaim what was rightfully hers. He explains how she could have helped him return to the life he had before meeting Tess, but instead she fought him to the end. He tells Natalie that she fought him because she still feels like an outsider and is afraid he will take everything she worked so hard to get. Jared says he wanted to achieve success with Natalie, not in spite of her. He hates how she is putting on this innocent behavior to please her family instead of being the woman he knows she really is. After hearing Jared's words, Natalie begs him to stay; she admits that she never slept with Chuck.

Nigel tells Alex he has no idea what she is talking about. Alex tells Nigel to stop denying what she knows to be true- the fact that David Vickers is Asa's son. Clint continues to mention how the relationship between "friends" often change. Again Nora asks Clint exactly who is he referring to. Clint answers by passionately kissing Nora; Nora responds. Dorian walks into the stables as Clint and Nora embrace one another; both unaware of Dorian's presence. Natalie admits to Jared that she led him to believe that she and Chuck slept together. Jared questions why she would fake such a thing. Natalie tells him she wanted him to walk away from her because she has been unable to walk away from him. Jared passionately kisses Natalie; she responds. Blair and Todd arrive in Paris, Texas. As Blair tells Todd they will spend the night in the motel up ahead, the two laugh when they notice the name of the nearby restaurant, "The Bonjour Café". Blair laughs and says if they are serving, her and Todd will be eating there. Moe and Noelle continue to argue. Vikki suggests that Noelle and Moe go home and offers to close the diner. As the unknown guard stands outside of the room where Marty and Cole are being held, he reloads his gun. Marty tells Cole she has no idea who these people are or what they want, but attempts to assure him that they will be found because there are people who realize she is missing and will find them. Cole questions if she is referring to John. Marty admits that she is and says she is confident John will find them. Ramsey returns and tells John he is ready to leave. An angry Michael tells him to get out; John tells Mike he will call him later. After leaving Michael's apartment, Ramsey tells John, Catlin would be touched by such a heartfelt family moment. John tells Ramsey he doesn't care to discuss the past; he only wants to do the job. Ramsey says he is only interested in hitting his target; John counters that his only interest is finding Marty and Cole.