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September 6, 2011

This time it didn't happen to me

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My friends appreciate my chronicled stories surrounding the life of
a 30-something Singleton. I’m certain
they feel better about their own lives and situations after reading about my
antics. I mean no one else gets stood up after dinner and drinks with a
Houdini. No one else ever had to go out with
an effing Ninja. I’m glad they see the
humor in it all and if it makes them feel better about their own situations, so
be it.

But, I won’t stop at just exposing my own Singleton antics. I’ve
got no shame in exposing the most bizzaro dating situations. And lucky for me, this time I was not on the
receiving end of some dude’s ridiculousness.

Picture my friend
Amanda. 35. Beautiful.
Full of wit and has a good head on her shoulders. Stable with income and pet rescuer. Who doesn’t love a gal who loves animals?

She dated a seemingly
sweet gent though by their seventh date she couldn’t figure out why he hadn’t
made a move to give her a good night kiss.
Dinners, drinks, laughter and apparent connection had her head spinning
in confusion after a handful of fun meet-ups. She politely confronted him.
His response was both insane and jaw-dropping.

“I don’t like kissing
people. It’s like two ends of a
digestive track meeting and it just grosses me out.”

And so as date # 7 drew to a close and he pulled up to the house, she thanked him for a wonderful dinner and got out of the car and slipped inside. Minutes within walking in the
door she opened up her phone and deleted his digits.

We’ll add him to our LIST OF UNDATABLES. Clearly this guy has a plethora of issues. Some of them being:

1.Should never have been born a homosapien. Perhaps a dog would have been more fitting.

2.Has nightmares of his large intestine unraveling
and choking him to death.

3.Clearly has a hit of OCD when it comes to
sanitary situations in the restroom