Sex is fun, and sex with toys is even better. But what bout foreplay? If you are lacking in your sex life, perhaps the problem is a shortage of foreplay! Fore play includes acts such as sexy talk, passionate kissing, smooth massages, tongue teasing, tickling and taunting, naughty nibbling on various body parts: ears, neck, arms, fingers, legs, tummy, bums and so much more.

You can get creative with your foreplay sessions to keep things mixed up and erotic! Incorporate sex toys with your fun foreplay and experience a whole new level of sexy preparation. Use a small vibrator to tease your partners lips, breasts, feet, and both his and her naughty bits! Finger vibrators are great for foreplay as they are worn around one finger, making it easier to loose yourself in the moment without loosing control or dropping the toy!

Sweet feathers can tickle your partner in a sexy way! Gentle tickling is very erotic and stimulating. Get your partner to lay on their back cover their eyes with a silky eye mask. Then use a feather tickler to gently stroke them beginning at the top and slowly working your way down! Having their eyes closed will add to the sensation, making it impossible to resist grabbing you and giving it to you! You may even have to tie them down with some sexy restraints!

Rub your partners feet deeply until they are in a state of total relaxation. Then move up to massage their ankles, knees, thighs and then a slow but steady massage in between the legs! Anything you choose to do should be sexy and stimulating. Keep your partners pleasure in mind, and you’ll be surprised how much more you get our of it! Getting prepared for your sexy time with some hot foreplay will add so much exotic and heavy pleasure to the sex, try it and see!

Well it’s that time of year again. Women everywhee are plotting, trying to figure out how to get rid of their “old” men and searching for something fresh and new. Someone they feel knows their “value”. But I can’t help but wonder, do these women even know what their value is? Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with wanting to upgrade, hell Beyonce even made a song about it, but be careful. I say that to say you need to be aware of what it is you’re dealing with when you start messing with someone, especially if you are considering them a Mr. Right or a Mr. Upgrade. The things I’m talking are subtle too and they aren’t going to jump out and grab your attention like an Audemar encrusted with diamonds. A man will show a woman how much he values her in the small things he does which is why it’s so important to be in tune with not only with what YOU want but with what you DON’T want.

Here’s a few examples of how to tell if your value has dropped faster than a brand new car that has just been driven off the car lot:

If he’s spending time with you but has a plan “B” on stand-by: his boys, texting, laptop and facebooking, etc. then it’s safe to assume that your value is pretty much zero.

If his phone rings while you’re together and he tries to act like he don’t hear it but looks at you like you’re crazy when you bring it up…..nuff said. ZERO VALUE.

It’s that time of year and you don’t get a call tellling you Merry Christmas on Christmas morning or he hasn’t even ATTEMPTED to make plans with you for New Years Eve…..matter of fact it hasn’t even came up…. Value = 0

Last but definitely not least….

If he is head over heels for you, blowing you up day and night. But once he gets that ass his interest goes from 60 to 0 then so has your value in is eyes. It’s really simple math. You can’t brush your teeth good because you’re phone keeps blowing up with texts….you have sex….now you are staring at your phone wondering if it’s been disconnected. No Value.

Now there IS a flipside….the ones who see value in women and have no problem showing it when they are interested.

For instance, and this is one of my favorite old school gestures. And honestly it NEVER gets old. A man should get OFFENDED (and yes I have had men fuss at me for even REACHING for a door handle) when you and him are together and you even attempt to touch a door handle. Car door, building door, etc. If he reaches for that handle first, or gets out and makes sure he walks around and opens your door for you….he just might be a keeper. No….he is a keeper.

Another one…if you’re out walking one night on a nice date and he wraps his arm around your waist and moves you to the INSIDE of the sidewalk away from the street. He definitely sees value there.

This next one is a little tricky because both men and women can screw this up. But if he knows that love is an VERB and not a NOUN then he is definitely a keeper. Anything he does, especially if he goes out of his way, to show you he loves you is definitely showing you he values you. One of my favorite things to do when someone tells me something like “I love you” or “I am really feeling you” I counter with “Prove it…” Words are just that. Words. They get added and deleted from Webster daily. Now ladies calm down….prove it doesn’t mean he has to bust his checking account wide open to prove he loves you and if you think he does then maybe he should leave your childish ass alone.

If you have a man who makes it a point to try his damndest to schedule his plans around you that in and of itself proves he sees value in you. For that matter if everything stops and becomes secondary when you call (now you can’t be calling and disrupting his day because you bored….but if it’s urgent..then go ahead) then he is definitely a keeper. Your value is definitely off the chart.

Ladies basically if you know your value before you step in a situation there is no confusion or frustration and you know when it’s time to bounce. Set your bar and standards and LEAVE THEM THERE. Don’t settle because you don’t have to. You deserve whatever you want and so much more remember that as we go into this new year. Stop letting these men think they are doing YOU a favor by spending time, texting or calling you. Let THEM be YOUR option but only if you want them to be. Love you first the rest will fall into place.

My favorite line from Beyonce’s Upgrade U and the one I will repeat to myself over and over again is:

“I’m that little glimpse of light that makes that diamond really shine and you already is a star but unless you flawless then ya dynasty ain’t complete without a chief like me…..Partner let me upgrade YOU…”

The question was posed the other day on Facebook if two people who were at one point madly in love could truly be friends after breaking up and if so does that mean that they were never really in love in the first place.

There were lots of responses, someone felt that it meant one person was holding on, still in love hoping the other would eventually come around. Another felt that there was no way the love could’ve been real if they could walk away so easily only to come back as if nothing every happened between them. It brought to mind that song by Deborah Cox and RL “We Can’t Be Friends”. I love the song and the message it held and I personally would have to say I agree. After going through a break up that cut me to the bone, I can’t say I would likely want to be friends. Because even once you let go of the hurt and the anger all you’re left with is the true feelings, the love that is still there, if in fact it was real at all. So my answer to the question was no, two people who called themselves madly in love can’t realistically go back to being just friends. It’s not emotionally possible. Physically yes but on an emotionally level someone is always going to have that “what if” or “maybe” in the back of their mind clouding judgment and jeopardizing the supposed friendship. Unfortunately it is usually the woman who is stuck in the predicament of trying to bag a puff of smoke, or hold on to something that never really existed in these types of relationships. Women by nature are emotional creatures so a breakup always hits us harder than it does a man. And instinctually we want to fix whatever is broken and salvage the relationship, well that always isn’t the best thing to do. That much I do know. So yes: WALK AWAY. It will save both of you a lot of heartache and grief in the long run.

Now I’m not saying that after some time, even some years, have past that maybe a friendship can’t be fostered but in the beginning. No. It just doesn’t compute. If one person baits another into a relationship with promises of love and forever afters there is bound to be animosity on some level if there is a split and that doesn’t go away overnight. Especially if that other person just wakes up and decides to pull a bytch move and just leave the other hanging with no real reason or the classic “I can’t handle a relationship right now” excuse. To that all I can say is grow up people. Emotions, feelings and everything that comes along with them are real and in my personal opinion to play on someone’s feelings then extend a hand of friendship is like a slap in the face, but that’s just this diva’s opinion. You’d be better off just pointing and laughing and telling everyone how you got one off on the person. Why insult someone’s intelligence when the writing’s on the wall? A liar and a user will always show their true colors. They can’t help it because they don’t know how to function normally or in a normal grown up relationship. My advice to you is when they show their colors, do believe what you are seeing and turn and go the other way. It’s for the best because they aren’t going to change and they don’t deserve what you have to offer.

Ladies, I don’t know about you (and probably a few of you fellas as well) but there is nothing like that feeling you get when you see your ex when you’re out with your “next”. Even if it’s just the first date it makes that date a little more interesting and a lot more memorable. Because if for no other reason you can’t wait to get to your phone to text your BFF or get home to log on and get a good laugh at your exes expense.

But it also brings up the question: How soon is too soon to move on? People (myself included) joke that there is nothing better to help you get over your ex then finding the next but is that really the best answer or is it just what the doctor ordered? The distraction of a new face and new conversation and new…..well….anyway….would definitely help anyone forget the person who broke their heart weeks or months before. And at the same time stop the back and forth that some couples go through when they break up so it may actually help keep you from going back to a bad situation. (See: Chris Brown/Rhianna) Some may argue that the issue that caused the breakup in the first place (whether it be you or the other person) never really gets dealt with if you move on to fast and is just gets carried into the next relationship. I personally don’t agree with that view but what do I know? I do know that everyone deserves to be happy so of course if you’re in a situation that is not good or safe definitely get out. And as far as moving on too quickly most grown, mature people can use common sense in whether or not they need the time and space to get themselves together before attempting to take on another persons feelings and emotions. And if you are out strictly for fun I think full disclosure should come into play, especially if the other person is thinking more than just drinks and heavy breathing.

Would it bother you to know that you were someone’s “next” in an attempt to get over an EX? Would that change how you approached the relationship or perceived the person? Would you stay or would you leave?

If you spend anytime on Twitter it won’t take long before you hear the word “Thirst” being thrown around. Now to me it’s a bit juvenile, but to each his own. In Twitterville being “thirsty” refers to someone who (male or female) attempts to reach out to someone they are interested in. I know….I know…..you’re probably thinking, what’s wrong with letting someone know you like them? Well apparently in the Twitterverse it’s frowned upon. Something I will NEVER understand. Because one it shows that people are paying WAY to much attention to other people’s business and two if a person is going to be ridiculed for attempting to approach someone they are interested in, why would they bother?

A woman who does it, whether flirting or dropping hints usually catches it the worst but I have see men burned at the stake as well for publicly showing interest in someone. All this does is create a bunch of people who are too leary to even consider trying to let someone know how they feel out of fear of public ridicule. The dating game is already saturated with its fair share of liars and cheaters on both sides so everyone is guarded and light weight angry with the opposite sex on some level. So what does that leave those of us who genuinely would like to find a real relationship, free from lies and games to choose from? Now there are those that are a little over the top who could be considered “thirsty”. These are usually the women who are bragging about having thousands of followers but her avi is a snapshot of her ass or her breasts or the ones who have no problem talking about sex 24/7. I hate to break it to you boo-boo but they are following your breasts and x-rated conversation….not you.

So is there a way to get past this or are we all destined to be divided, men on one side women on the other, both scared to cross the line. If you think about it both sexes spend a good bit of time on Facebook and Twitter on a daily basis so the chances of coming across someone of interest is pretty great. Is that such a bad thing? Now I can see once the two parties realizes that a possible connection has been made taking their conversation off their timelines and to a more personal venue like texts or phone calls. But it seems that getting to that is even impossible because apparently, according to the rules of Twitter, you’re not supposed to be attracted to or pursue anyone of the opposite sex because inturn that make you: Thirsty. Do you think that’s fair or just?

The following post concerns a topic that has been highly contested among girls and boys, men and women for quite some time. I will be discussing what I feel to be the truth about the relationship (or lack there-of) between girls and the ‘nice guys’ that never quite seem to get the upper hand.

For starters, let’s just go over what the issue is. The basic sentiment is that girls never pick the nice guys, but instead go for the assholes (if you’d excuse my language). Then the girls go on to complain about how they can’t find a good guy to take care of them. Guys, upon hearing this, become upset because they know they’re good guys but usually end up ‘friend-zoned’ with no way of escape. Because of this, girls are stupid for creating assholes out of the good guys who are just looking for a way to compete and get the girl of their dreams. I believe that about sums it up.

I’m not going to lie, but I have supported this “girls don’t know what’s best for them” theory for a long time. Recently, however, after long hours of contemplation during showers, commute to school, laundry, cooking, eating, etc (what can I say, I’m a renaissance man), I’ve realized its not entirely the girl’s fault. I say entirely, because there is enough blame for boys and girls, not just one or the other.

Firstly, there are actual biological reasons why girl’s may go for the “bad” guy. He usually comes off as a strong individual; usually in decent shape, arrogant, opinionated, prior experience with women. Being in good shape and arrogant mean that he is healthy and confident. Who wouldn’t be attracted to such an individual? Subconsciously, women want protection for both themselves and their offspring, so a strong and confident male fits the bill. In today’s society, prior experience with women usually means he is a wanted item and is comfortable around women.

Secondly, there is attraction. This has a lot to do with the first reason. Usually the “bad” guys are pretty easy on the eyes. It may be this awareness of their own attraction that makes these guys turn into cocky so-and-sos, or at least part of it (sometimes a guy is just an asshole). Side note: none of this is too say that there aren’t any good looking dudes who aren’t also genuinely good guys, they can just be harder to find. Girls want to be with an attractive guy (duh), just like guys want to be with an attractive girl. Does it always work out for either one? Of course not.

Let’s just get straight to it. The guys who complain mostly about this issue are guys who do’t rank all too high on the attractive scale, if you know what I mean. They’re upset because they feel the beautiful girl that they invested their emotions in is not returning those emotions because she’s shallow and too stupid to see the “good” guy right in front of her (usually friend-zoned). I supported this fully, until recently when I finally came to terms with what I feel to be the simple truth.

People, men and women, don’t want to settle for less. This is why guys want that gorgeous girl, while that gorgeous girl wants a gorgeous guy. This leads to the said girl denying the not-so-gorgeous guys the privilege of being with her. We all want to do the best we can for ourselves.

Let’s put it another way. Say your a slightly less than average to average looking guy. There is this girl who is everything you were ever looking for in the opposite sex; beautiful, funny, smart, kind, etc, etc. You approach her, tell her how you feel and/or ask her out. She answers with some variation of “sorry, just want to be friends”. A highly common form of denial. Now you could go home and sulk and think that she’s the one missing out (which could be true) or realize that you’re really the one missing out because she is so great. I’m not going to say there are a lot of fish in the sea, etc because odds are you’ve heard it enough times to make your ears bleed. Instead, I will pose another scenario:

Say sometime around this time a less than average to average girl approached you and flirted with you and such. You think she’s nice and ok looking but nothing overwhelmingly special. Do you ask her out? The answer, NO. Why? Because you think you can do better. Even if it turns out that she’s a sweetheart and a wonderful person to hang out with, you will not be interested.

So what makes that different to what girls are doing to guys? There is no real difference. Hot girls can be bitches just as much as hot guys can be assholes. You wouldn’t ask out the girl who was nice but not too attractive just like the hot girl you asked out doesn’t want to go out with you. We are all the same, we want to be with people who are attractive and nice. Not nice and attractive. No matter what we say, that’s how it is and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I like to think I’m real. I like to think I can think realistically and practically. As such, I know I don’t rank all too high on the attraction scale. I do know I’m a decent guy, can be fun to be around, intelligent, can cook/clean, and take care of myself. Does this make me arrogant? No, it just means I have some sense of what my good characteristics are. Does it suck that there isn’t a high volume of girls that realize this and can get over some not-so-good traits (not highly attractive, a little shy when it comes to dancing, etc, etc)? Hell yeah it does. But I realized that there is no point in making girls out to be stupid. Do they make mistakes? Yes. Don’t we all? Yes. It’s just that girls vocalize that they know they’re mistakes but make them anyways, while guys don’t really complain about wanting a “good” girl.

Saying that “I’m too good for her, anyways” may be true in some cases, but not all. The simple, painful fact-of-the-matter is that you simply aren’t what she is looking for at that time (or ever, in some cases). You just aren’t good enough. Now, you can either think I’m an asshole for telling anyone that, but let’s take it from a more positive approach. When you try out for a sports team, but don’t make it, what is the reason? You aren’t good enough. When you don’t get that job you interviewed for, what is the reason? You aren’t what they are looking for and/or you aren’t good enough. What do you do in these cases? You bust your ass to get better at that sport, or try to learn new skills to add to your resume. Think of being denied by women to be the same.

When a girl says she doesn’t want to go out with you, it means you aren’t what she’s looking for and/or aren’t good enough for her. What you should do is go out there and become better. Not necessarily to impress her, but to become more confident in yourself. If you’re out of shape, work out. If you aren’t too attractive, work out and wear nicer clothes (not expensive, just dress like you actually care, put some cologne on, etc.). By doing these things to make yourself “good enough”, you’re making yourself a better man. You don’t have to become an asshole. But there is nothing wrong with being confident in yourself. This isn’t to say that by doing all these things you will win the attention of the girl you first asked out, but the chances of other girls who you would be interested in would rise very highly.

The moral of this long, drawn out post is that guys and girls want what they think is best for them. What the ones who get rejected don’t realize is that they would do the same thing in a similar situation. The key is not to sulk and rant about how girls are all stupid sluts because they don’t want a nice guy for the reason he isn’t hot. The key is to work your ass off to become the best person you can be. Not just the best person, but the best YOU. Be confident and proud in who you are. Once you reach that point and get rejected, its obvious that you aren’t right for each other.

Being denied hurts. Its like a slap in the face when you’re basically being told you aren’t wanted, aren’t good enough. How to remedy it? Focus on yourself, improve yourself continuously. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there, make yourself known for positive reasons. Don’t ever think you have to settle because you aren’t good enough. Basically, focus on being good enough for yourself.