Its elegant design and lavish illustrations would be instantly recognisable. The layout would be spacious, word definitions would inspire intuitive interpretations, and a few bars of the song It's Only a Paper Moon would play when the book is opened.

Paul Ruddy, Montreal, Canada

• For starters, it wouldn't have entries on evolution or global climate change.

John Ralston, Mountain View, California, US

• A thesaurus.

Alan Williams-Key, Madrid, Spain

• According to the medical examiner, a bloody mess.

Les Dreyer, New York City, US

• Full of pictures – known as a Pictionary?

Margaret Wilkes, Perth, Western Australia

• Assuming the right is wrong, their dictionary would list propaganda lies in alphabetical order, for right-brained are verbally able.

Dick Hedges, Nairobi, Kenya

• A right-brain dictionary would only have definitions written on the left-sided pages.

Bernie Koenig, London, Ontario, Canada

It wasn't boring for Nelson

Why do South Africans not provide answers in Notes & Queries?

They read the Mail & Guardian, a distant relative. A notable exception is the former president, Nelson Mandela, for whom this paper was his window on the wider world during those long years of incarceration.

Kaihsu Tai, Helsinki, Finland

• They're all too busy playing cricket for England.

Jim Dewar, Gosford, NSW, Australia

• It's a bore.

Jim Neilan, Dunedin, New Zealand

• They're Boers.

Bill Coote, Canberra, Australia

Leaves and other make-up

Do any animals use artificial means to make themselves look more attractive?

Yes, the best example being the species Homo sapiens. This peculiar animal has created multibillion-dollar industries for just this purpose.

It's believed by some that this penchant for the artificial began when a young couple living in a garden decided they should cover their genitals with fig leaves.

Fortunately, none of the other animals in the garden were quite so daft!

Terence Rowell, Dartmouth, NS, Canada

• I don't know about other animals, but our dog wears glasses for reading, if that counts.