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‘At long last sir, have you no–*BLAM!!!!*’

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Disney is attempting to make their classic (and still perfectly hilarious) content hipper, phatter and/or qualitatively phresher by adding douchebag overdubs to many of their timeless cartoons. As in the ones that were doing just fine the way they were—thank you very much—you cynical, soulless, money-grubbing corporate savages.

But the results are goddamn fantastic…in a gallows humor, psyche-shattering, has-the-world-really-come-to-this(?), sort of way.

This, I can handle with a slow, dry, world weary guffaw. BUT! They just had to go and push the envelope a little further…

[NSFW Duck Ranting]

The only upside I can see to all of this is that it conjures up the mental image of a towering, half-frozen Walt Disneystein corpse-monster slap fighting with the 400 ft. Jedi ghost of Stanley Kubrick in the middle of downtown Tokyo.

…or maybe that’s just me and my way of dealing with this traumatic assault on my childhood. Everyone has their own process.

Disney brought back the original Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers and added Comic book “Bam” “Bonk” etc graphics and every time a zord is summoned they have the name of the zord in a graphic on the bottom of the screen. My childhood was raped, beaten, and left for dead. Disney stop all the hipster remake and focus on your anti-semitism again.