2 Headed Shark Attack

That’s right kiddies, it’s a good ol’ fashioned creature feature here in the Bloodgutter and I couldn’t be more excited. 2 Headed Shark Attack holds a special place in my heart because I got to watch the making of this monster and all the faux-drama that came with it in the “Monster Man” reality show on the Syfy channel. Cleve Hall and his band of misfits took this puppy from concept to creation while I watched, so now I’m personally invested. I’m pretty upset that I didn’t see Fleabag Jake as an executive producer credit so someones gunna get pawed and gnawed.

Ah, a semester at sea. Is there any better place for college co-eds to enjoy some rays, lounge on a poop deck and get sexy, all in the name of education? I don’t think so, and neither do our cast of characters. It’s a credible course because the captain/professor talks about a sextant for about 45 seconds. We’re lazily introduced to several characters through the passing of the sextant which also serves as an expository sequence so we can see where these characters are coming from. I am fine with this. This is a monster movie. If you’re looking for rich character development, maybe the Drama section is more for you.

Hulkamania

Our protagonist, Kate (Brooke Hogan) seems the down-to-earth, level headed, leader with an inner clown which fits her as well as her bikini top. Top billing was given to Carmen Electra who plays Anne, the wife of the captain. Good for her. Though, with the amount of women in bikinis in this movie, I don’t think her rehearsed-pose sunbathing scenes are really needed. But I’ll take um.

We get pulled right into the action as the boat hits a dead mega mouth shark. The captain expositions that what may have brought it up from the depths was a sea quake. He harpoons the 1000 lb carcass and tries to move it. It ends up getting caught in the propeller and damages the hull. The propeller acts as a food ninja and sends a nearly extinct chum into the ocean.

“This is how all women sunbathe” -Spankbank

Just their luck though, this has happened right next to an atoll that they think they can get some scrap metal from. Not an island. An atoll. So they bring all the students ashore for educational opportunities while the first mate does repairs and Carmen Electra does more posing.

While on the atoll, we learn that Kate is afraid of the water due to a incident she had when she was younger involving, that’s right, a shark. We also get a skinny-dip three-way with some daring co-eds who chose to blow off the educational opportunity the atoll provides and get sexy with other. Hey, it’s college right? Bless their hearts. However, there’s one guy who also really loves skinny dipping co-eds. Well, two.

This guy…guys?… these guys.

The rest of the group stumbles upon a couple of boats and decide for some reason that these would be great supplies for the main boat. Just then, we get a sea quake. You know like how the captain mentioned earlier? With the mega mouth shark? Remember? Well he was right on the money, because it’s totally happening now, and it is totally destroying the atoll. So not only are these guys stuck at sea with a ship that’s taking on water, being hunted by a 2 headed shark, having to deal with the Cole character, but they also have to deal with a sinking atoll!

This movie has a pretty impressive body count, a lot of blood and several bikinis. I’m never one to say that anyone is a bad actor or actress. This is a monster movie. As far as monster movie acting goes, this cast was great and I can’t help but to hope some choice were deliberate. Endings are for you to experience and I’m unsure I’d ever include one in my posts. However, here’s I how thought it should have ended, considering Brooke Hogan’s starring role:

I am real American

GRIPES

The finding of the gun was completely pointless.

The color of the water changes so often it’s almost as if all the shots were taken in different places.

The atoll looks different nearly every time it’s shown from a distance.

Not nearly enough lines from Cole.

My shoulder itches.

Again, it’s a monster movie and should be treated like it. It’s wonderful for what it is. Get together with some friends, have some drinks, eat some garbage and have a laugh. Cheers!

1 Comments

Thanks for posting on Attack of the 2 Headed Shark, Fleabag! I saw this film available online, and I rented it to my Hopper DVR just before leaving my office at DISH. It had downloaded, ready to watch, before I walked in my door. I went in expecting some B Movie joy, and I got that in spades. The foam rubber shark was awesomely awful; just like the acting. The only way this movie could have been better is if Hulk really did leg drop the shark. Brooke could do it too; she looks enough like her old man.