Jack Scott's random ramblings

Imagine the absurdity of two openly gay, married, middle aged, middle class men escaping the liberal sanctuary of anonymous London to relocate to a Muslim country. I chronicled our exploits with the mad, the bad, the sad and the glad in a blog for the whole world to ignore. Then came the book which became a critically acclaimed best seller. Its success opened out a whole new career for me, firstly as an author, and now as a publisher. Who'd have thought it? Certainly not me.
In June 2012, we ended our Anatolian affair and paddled back to Britain on the evening tide, washing up in Norwich, a surprising city in eastern England, then to the wilds of Norfolk as the only gays in the village. I’m sometimes nostalgic for our encounters with the hopeless, the hapless and, yes, the happy go lucky. They gave me an unexpected tale to tell and for this I thank them.

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Give Us a Quiche

Beverages are big business these days and popping out for a cuppa has become something of a ritual in the Brennan-Scott household. We like to support local traders over the big chains and we’ve sampled most of the venues dotted about the city. Our favourite indie café is Stranger’s Coffee House on Pottergate but it’s a small shop and getting a table is almost impossible during the weekend rush. So we decided to give the shabby chic ambience of Biddy’s Tea Room on Lower Goat Lane a go. Cluttered vintage is Biddy’s thing. The place is packed wall-to-wall with curios and bric-a-brac from times past. A nightmare to dust, I should imagine. Even though the place was also packed wall-to-wall with punters, we found ourselves in pole position for a vacant Chesterfield. Liam hovered while I enquired after the dishes of the day. The young biddy with the long face behind the counter was not exactly forthcoming. ‘They’re all labelled,’ she barked. They weren’t.

Give Us a Quiche

While I ordered the veggie quiche and Liam paid, a couple sneaked in behind us and nabbed the sofa. Out-flanked, we ended up balancing our lunch precariously on our knees as we sat upright on a lumpy old chaise longue that looked like it had been dragged out of a skip. No easy task for a couple of old biddies like us. The quiche was nice enough but rather spoiled by the side salad swimming in Balsamic vinegar. Liam doesn’t like Balsamic vinegar.

And who were the couple who beat us to the Chesterfield? None other than Chloe Smith, Conservative Member of Parliament for Norwich North, and her beau. Ms Smith is one of the new breed of socially liberal Tories. She supported the same-sex marriage bill. Thank you, Chloe, but what about the bedroom tax and food banks? So far, Ms Smith’s greatest claim to fame is being mauled by veteran broadcaster, Jeremy Paxman, on Newsnight, the BBC’s flagship current affairs programme. The moral of this story? Grab your seat before you order at Biddy’s Tea Room and make sure you do your homework to avoid a right royal stuffing by Paxo (now there’s a disturbing thought).

morose, usually under-paid, staff can be a lot of fun whilst we secretly conduct social experiments. Friend of ours was in Sainsbury’s many moons ago for her weekly shop. The cashier was in cheerless mode. Friend decided to say ‘Thank you!’ as she handed over each item – nil by mouth was the non-response from our moody miss. At the end, friend said to pouting polly, who had just handed over the receipt, ‘I come here regularly, spend quite a bit (why would an underpaid cashier be interested in that?) and I’ve been polite(ly sarcastic if you ask me). It would be very nice if you said ‘thank you”. ‘Don’t have to’ said the cashier, brightening up considerably, ‘it says it on the till receipt!’ Touche!

Never visited Biddy’s but your Chloe Smith story is amusing. Personally I don’t think she should be allowed south across the river and should be forced to dine in the bistros of Anglia Square. I once saw her holding court in the Ironmongers – or whatever it’s called now that it’s trendy and ‘Lanes’. I had to avoid telling my wife that Ms Smith was behind us or she would have laid into her. No sign of her photo crew though – CS used to feature in daily photo-calls in EEN/EDP – less so now thankfully.