12 of Your Most Pressing (and Funny) Sex Questions, Answered

1. What are the social obligations related to running into a one-night stand in, say, a grocery store?

As always, be polite. Frankly, I'm a little stunned that I have to tell you that. And "Frankly, frankly," says etiquette expert Peter Post of the Emily Post Institute, "if you were big enough to have a one-night stand with them, you're big enough to have at least a modicum of conversation with them." (But stick to one modicum if there are other people around.)

2. Where is the line between acceptable fetishes and things I should seek treatment for?

The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom advocates a "safe, sane, and consensual sexual expression" on the part of all Fetishers. "We find that that is a great guide to use, because it can really be a touchstone for whether you're crossing the line," says NCSF spokesperson Susan Wright. "So you can flog somebody, pain somebody to blood, as long as you, you know, make sure to clean it with antiseptic and cover it up, make sure that there's no infection happening. But you can't cut somebody's finger off. That's going too far."

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3. Recently I tried to have sex in the shower. It involved a lot of slipping and fumbling, and almost a bloody nose. Any advice?

The sexually wise will tell you that cold, hard, wet locations like showers, pools, and Buffalo are about the worst places to have sex. My advice is to have sex in a bed. I realize this is an unpopular stance in sex circles.

However, if you or your partner must have sex in the shower for religious reasons, I suggest you log on to sexintheshower.net. The site has a lot of innovative shower-sex aids: handles, kneepads, and shower steps.

4. My wife insists that having her feet in the air gives her a better orgasm. She thinks it has something to do with the blood rushing into her body. Is there a chance she could be right?

"I would disagree vehemently on this one," says Susan Kellogg-Spadt, professor of obstetrics and gynecology. "It's not like you cut off blood flow or increase blood flow in certain positions." Dr. Steven Nissen, cardiologist at the Cleveland Clinic, came right out and called your question "silly."

Sounds like you touched a nerve, both with modern medicine and inside your wife! What I mean is, the pelvic area has four nervous pathsays through which orgasms travel, and different sex positions can and will stimulate these different channels. The kind of deeper penetration that I think you're describing would likely take you up into the vagina's posterior fornix, thereby rousing the hypogastric plexus and furnishing your wife with her chosen orgasm.

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5. Why do so many more women hit on me now that I have a wedding ring?

It could be because your recent marriage has prompted them to see you in a different light. In other words, if a fellow Woman in Good Standing has deemed you fit to wed, you are automatically rendered more interesting. Women generally prefer to be around men who are around women.

However, if a woman is forcefully and sustainedly hitting on you, she could be what psychologists call a "mate poacher" (and what pigeons call a "nest wrecker"). These women "don't want a long-term relationship," says psychologist Michael Cunningham, "and they don't mind ruining yours."

6. My girlfriend thinks our sex life is boring and that I should be more spontaneous. Short of surprising her in the shower, what does she want me to do?

Ian Kerner, sex counselor and author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman, suggests "getting a book on erotic massage and some massage oils," but we both know that's not going to happen, so another thing "a guy can do," he says, "is tell her some pretty hot fantasies that play into themes that [you think] women are interested in—whether it's voyeurism, sex with another person, submission, domination…"

Think back: Does your girlfriend ever mention anything like that when you two are alone, say, having a quiet night in the dungeon? Whatever the case, it's common knowledge that the most spontaneous spontaneity comes about only through careful planning.

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7. Do colleges have sex parties, or is that just something the porn world made up to sell movies?

You wouldn't think porn would do a thing like that, but yes, college sex parties—at least the 40 or so I watched online—look to be staged by highly (often very highly) skilled professionals. While I'm sure there are some out there who put on a fine orgy, today's college kids just don't seem to have not that kind of work ethic.

"Generally speaking, it may seem hot to get a bunch of your friends together and start fking, but most people find themselves getting shy when the reality of the situation," says Lux Alptraum, the editor of Fleshbot. Forget about the parties—undergrads are barely even getting laid. Twenty-five percent of college students in the United States are virgins. And among those who are most sexually active, says La Salle University sociologist Kathleen Bogle, "most have sex with just one person in a typical year."

8. How long after having sex with a new partner do you have to wait before falling asleep?

Studies upon studies have shown that 10 minutes is an adequate length of time to do just about anything. Certainly, some would urge a man in your position to tailor the length of time he endeavors to remain conscious after sex to correspond to that of his partner, since "most people, men and women, do want some cuddling," says Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist at Rutgers University.

It's because orgasm increases the amount of oxytocin in the body, a hormone that generates feelings of attachment. "So if someone falls asleep too fast, their partner may feel neglected and unable to attach," she says. Ten minutes.

9. In a species, are certain animals considered more attractive to each other the way certain people are? That is, are there good-looking dogs, or are certain rhinos more likely to have more mates than their peers?

Nor surprisingly, animals tend to be somewhat animalistic in their tastes: Lionesses like big, tough lions, bears like big, tough bears, and hamsters, if memory serves, will take anything. Generally animals go for qualities that connote strength and good genes. "When it comes down to it," says Dave Salmoni, zoologist and host of ABC's Expedition Impossible, "the male deer that is able to beat the shit out of all the other mates, he gets all the girls."

That's not to say that there's no variation within a species. "There's a weaverbird that will go build a nest to try to attract a female," says Salmoni. "If she doesn't like it, she'll literally tear the nest to pieces."

10. What is it that people like about being spanked? It's not just that it hurts, right?

Pain is a factor, as is pleasure, but there's no one word to accurately describe the appeal of the erotic spanking. "I think it has more to do with the delightful sting and the delightful warmth and the delightful vibrations that it sends through the whole region," says Gloria Brame, PH.Dd and coauthor of Different Loving: the World of Sexual Dominance & Submission. Like I said, the only word to describe it is delightful.

For one thing, the region favored by the modern spankhound is a tender zone that, when smacked just right, rouses the neighboring genitals in both men and women. And of course there's the humiliation aspect, which we all need in order to feel loved.

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11. I've been watching a lot of Game of Thrones lately. Does it give a historically accurate depiction of sex acts?

While some scenarios depicted on Game of Thrones do correspond to the sexual tenets of medieval-ish times (the chicks were pretty hot), many do not. A band of marauding lords bent on rear entry, while a nice thought, seems unlikely at that time since the Church, the tastemaker of the day, was very hot on what came to be known as the missionary position. Prostitution was not the glamorous and lucrative career it is now, and incest was not that prevalent, nor that well lit.

"The brother-sister marrying was out of the question," says Ruth Karras, director of the Center for Medieval Studies at the University of Minnesota. "I think that [the writer] got the idea of the Targaryens marrying to keep the bloodline pure from the Ptolemys." Sure, blame the Ptolemys. Everyone else does.

12. Any idea what the penalty might be for getting caught having sex on a domestic or international flight?

There isn't one, really. As long as you don't interfere with the safety of the aircraft, flight crews tend to ignore this kind of behavior. However, if the captain turns on the "fasten seat belt" sign, you must return to your seat whether you are finished or not and put your tray table in the upright and locked position.

"There is a regulation that basically says you can't interfere with a crew member during the execution of his or her duties," explains Les Dorr of the FAA, or you might get fined, and you will most definitely get yelled at. The same rules govern all American flights, no matter where they fly.