n my 20s, I knew little of how the real world works. During this
period of confusion, exploration, and growth, I sought answers
from books, articles, and my peers. I became so fascinated by the
behaviors and psychology behind this decade of development that it
became part of my graduate thesis.
I held an online survey asking for any participants to share their
stories, knowledge, and advice from their 20s. I learned new things
about people that are close to me and found solidarity with people I
didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know. In an age where connection is ubiquitous, but much of it,
unfulfilling, this project was my small attempt to connect with others.
Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m honored to share these words as they have been shared with me.
Thank you.
Shirong Gao

1

Your 20s can be just
as formative as your
teens and college.
Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the perfect time
to figure out what kind
of man you want to be
as you grow older.
Gregory Shin, 29

2

List 5 words that
describe your 20s.

limbo, broke, hectic,
disheveled, challenging,
upbeat

crossroads, adventurous,
fun, overwhelming,
confusing

liberating, challenging,
responsibility, exciting,
formative

What is the best memory
from your 20s?

Any number of days in SF....

Traveling in another country
with friends.

Living and working in Wash,
DC, after having moved
from a farm in povertystricken rural PA.

Making solo travel plans in
another country.
Meeting my favorite manga
artist and getting a personal
present from her.
Going out with my
boyfriend.

Participating in the Civil
Rights Movement and
witnessing much of it
firsthand, including the
1968 riots of DC where my
brother’s platoon camped
out in the rotunda of the
Capitol, as I watched the
smoke-filled skies from my
nearby apartment rooftop,
even as rioters broke into the
stores beneath my windows.
Birth of my son in 1972.
Finally getting a college
scholarship at the age of
29 thanks to the Upward
Mobility Program offered
to women and minorities
thanks to Title VII of the
Civil Rights Act.

What do you know now
that you wish you knew
in your 20s?

I’m still in my twenties...
but, I guess I’d like to tell
my younger self that life
can always get worse...that
it will...but, when it’s over,
heaven is on the other side.

Unless you really have a set
idea of what you want to
do in the future, it doesn’t
matter how you get there
in school.

I am no longer naive, and
I trust my internal instincts
and never hesitated to act
accordingly.

What’s your advice
for those currently
in their 20s?

Same as above. Got to hit
rock bottom before making
your way towards the top.

Try different things, travel,
meet new people, expand
your horizons as much as you
can. When you get older, it
feels like it gets harder to do
those same things.

Listen to others so you can
learn from their mistakes, but
listen most to your internal
voice...if something does not
“feel right,” think twice!

Jennifer L., 27

Evelyn Banda, 64

Nicole A., 25

Know that the most
important things in a
relationship, whether
personal or business, can
be destroyed in an instant
by one stupid action
resulting in distrust and a
lack of respect for either
yourself or someone else.
Learn to forgive, but never
forget...forgetting results in
repeating the same mistakes.

3

4

5

6

List 5 words that
describe your 20s.

liberating, confusing, revelatory,
accepting, humbling

happy, newly married,
growing in new directions,
working, traveling

confusing, dramatic,
mundane, insecure, hopeful

What is the best memory
from your 20s?

Visiting a friend in Chicago for the
first time—I mostly grew up in New
Jersey, by the way. The friend lived
with 6 or 7 other people, and they
were all activists, radicals, queers,
musicians, performers, writers
and/or artists. I was in awe of the
way they lived, the places they
had traveled, and the things they
had accomplished over the years.
I remember having a moment of
peace the day after the wedding
in their backyard. I had gotten up
around 8—everyone else was still
asleep from the previous night’s
festivities—grabbed a beer, James
Joyce’s book “The Dubliners,”
and went to the back porch. I
started rereading the short story
“The Dead,” and felt at peace
with myself and the world. At that
moment, I knew life wasn’t as bad
as it’s usually portrayed on TV; I
knew I would be okay.

My marriage and life after it.

Traveling around Europe
by myself and starting to
sketch again.

What do you know now
that you wish you knew
in your 20s?

That I would find someone who
would love me back.

How fast time really goes by.

I wish I enjoyed myself
more and was less angsty.
Now that I’ve been through
it, I realize how little people
expect of those in their
twenties. Maybe that
would have freed me to be
more adventurous and take
more risks.

What’s your advice
for those currently
in their 20s?

If you’re unhappy or unsatisfied
with your job, school, partner,
current state in life, then try to
change that. Look for a new job,
change your major, leave your
partner or let him/her know
about your unhappiness, move.
Do what makes you happy; don’t
intentionally hurt someone; don’t
hold grudges or burn bridges;
talk to people, get to know and
understand them; try to forgive.
Really, it often is that simple
and hackneyed.

Savor the moment.

Pick a few role models
(I want to be that person
in 20 years) and examine
what they did in their 20s
and 30s.

Anonymous, 28

Susan Friedman

The first weeks of beginning
a romantic relationship that
finally felt right.
Starting my professional life
and earning a steady salary
also felt very empowering.

Watch less TV and don’t
surf the internet so much.
Instead pick a project you
care about that you can
work on in your spare time.
Not everything your parents
say is totally wrong.

Peng Wu, 29

party, travel, marriage,
career, adventure

sex, drugs, alcohol, sex, sex

learning, growing, love,
energy, travel

happy, exciting, growth,
exploration, study

Waking up in the
Sahara Desert.

I don’t rank my memories.

Marrying my husband.

Flying to Japan to study
after having graduated
from college.

Farewell party when John
and I were leaving Virginia
for Ethiopia/Farewell party
when we were leaving
Ethiopia for Virginia.
When John proposed on
the side of a mountain, and
snow boarding down the
rest of the way yelling,
”Woo hoo!!”
Jumping off some high rocks
into the Mediterranean Sea
in Italy.
Paragliding in the Swiss Alps.

Falling in love does not
necessarily mean you’ve
found the right person
for you.

Cocaine comes in pumpkin
flavor for the holidays.

To relax, it will all work
itself out.

Only small things...Getting
Things Done system for
email. How to avoid stress
when driving. Personal daily
limit for admin work. Other
things I knew better then or
have more difficulty resisting
now: downplaying value of
appearance, being humble,
living without many things.
Every year has been better
than the last. Looking
forward to being 37!

Take risks and learn from
the mistakes.

Everyone likes and wants
sex as much as you.

Work hard at being honest
with yourself, considerate to
others, and enjoy the ride.

If you’re lucky enough to
know what major skill you
wish to hone, develop your
ability to practice.

Sam Garland, 35

Jiacong Yan, 29

Julia Nalitz Vivalo, 33

Kristofer Bergstrom, 36
7

8

List 5 words that
describe your 20s.

existentialistic, shy,
romantic, insecure, studious

angst, beauty, wisdom,
confusion, friendship

tumultuous, exciting,
exhausting, ever-changing,
inquisitive

What is the best memory
from your 20s?

Traveling as a student.

Going on road trips, one
in college to New Orleans
to volunteer on clean up
after hurricane Katrina, and
one in grad school to North
Carolina for volunteering at
a free health clinic. It’s fun
taking in a new city with
a bunch of other people
you like being with. There
are other good memories
like traveling abroad in
undergrad and grad school,
but there’s something
about taking the road trips
that was awesome, fun,
cool, and will always give
me good memories and
remember that I’ve been
happy when I’m feeling
depressed or confused.

Marrying my husband.

What do you know now
that you wish you knew
in your 20s?

To be myself and not what
others expect of me.

I’m still in my 20s, but I wish
I knew that I am attractive
and didn’t need to feel
concerned that I was ugly
or unappealing. And I wish
I knew that I am intelligent
enough to get by and make
a contribution, at least, and
to do even greater things.
It would have helped with
having more confidence.

That by your 30s you still
don’t have it figured out,
so stop trying to figure it
out early.

What’s your advice
for those currently
in their 20s?

Life is not as long as you
think. Make projects, but
start putting them into
practice today.

Remember that you look
good and are smart.
So go ahead and have
confidence. Also, things
will be confusing, but
that’s what friends, family,
and significant others are
for. And there’s always
counseling if you need more
critical insight. Most things
are doable so try not to be
so afraid.

Take your time making
decisions, try not to be
a perfectionist. It’s OK
if you get it wrong, but
overthinking everything just
burns you out.

Corinne Garber, 58

Lina Khan, 26

Lisa Quattrini, 28

If I could go back in time, I
would study less “romantic”
subjects (e.g. philosophy,
literature) and go for a
more down-to-earth career
(e.g. law, foreign language
interpretation, interior
design, criminology).

Adopting my first dog.

9

10

Search for a career
that makes you happy,
but realize that your
passion and career
don’t have to be one
and the same—
it’s not all or nothing.
Demelza Benton, 29

11

List 5 words that
describe your 20s.

learning, naive, dramatic, stressful,
laughter

experimental, adventurous,
carefree, spontaneous,
reckless

fun, mature, change,
school, carefree

What is the best memory
from your 20s?

Every birthday.

Graduating from college.

Having lunch with my
friends at an Indian buffet.
We did it often and I miss it.

Road trip during school
breaks.
Gatherings with friends on
the weekend.

What do you know now
that you wish you knew
in your 20s?

Not to date my ex.
Not to trust friends so easily. I’d
rather have a small group of good
friends instead of lots of fake friends.

Should have graduated from
college sooner than later.

I’m still in my 20s! But I do
wish I approached college
with a little more focus.

Get a degree from a
college. Any degree or any
college. Just get one.

Work hard, play hard.
Cheesy, but true.

Jiun Heng

Sarah Min, 28

Keep your troubles to yourself.
To be patient.
To communicate better.

What’s your advice
for those currently
in their 20s?

The only one who cares about you
is your family.
Think for yourself, no influence.
Strive for better, never be content.
Education comes first.
People will talk, don’t listen, as
long as you’re happy with yourself.
Be your own person. People have
to accept you as you are.
20s are hard,especially early 20s,
but if you never give up hope for
a better tomorrow, things will
turn out for you. If you allow the
hardships to get to you, it will get
the best of you.

Anarly Asimakopoulos, 29
12

fun, carefree, exploratory,
love, growth

peripatetic, aspirational, new, wasted, unknown

irrational, wild,
stubborn, emotional,
misguided

Celebrating my 24th
birthday at my house with
my friends. It was just such
a great group of funny
people and we stayed up
all night together. Back
then there was no doubt
that we would all meet
up and just hang out.
Something that takes
babysitters and advanced
planning to do now.

There are so many, but the one that sticks out right now is the first time
I saw Red Square in Moscow. It was my first time in Russia and was the
dead of winter. By the time I found it, the sky was already at half-light
and the temperature was quickly dropping. The cobblestones were slick
with ice and I shuffled along in my California winter-style “boots.” It was
so exciting! I remember thinking to myself, I can’t feel my fingers so well
anymore, and getting over these cobblestones is a workout...and...wow,
there it is! The culmination of so many years of study and hard work, and
I’m finally standing here—I made it!

Friends and exploring
new things.

Cherish them!!! But also
make sure you are making
good decisions for your
future. A good balance of
both so that when you are
in your 30s, you can settle
down without having to
start from scratch.

I think whatever I’ve figured out now came from a natural progression—
it wouldn’t necessarily have helped to know the same things at age 20
that I know now.

Confidence
and knowledge.

See above.

Learn about yourself and be bold! Learn how to operate out of a place
of love rather than fear.

Live with no regrets,
but don’t be too
irrational. Think things
through and know who
your real friends are.

Search for a career that makes you happy, but realize that your passion
and career don’t have to be one and the same—it’s not all or nothing.
Take time to appreciate the good things you have, every day, even if it’s
something really simple like “I have freedom of motion to walk from
point a to point b without assistance.”
If you’re a strong, successful woman and you’re in the dating world, go
read Evan Marc Katz’s blogs—NOW—tons of obvious dating truths that
would have saved me from many bad experiences. (Note, I don’t wish
away those experiences though because they made it possible for me to
understand the lessons now).
I’ve read a few good books on the so-called “quarter life crisis.” They
helped me through some tough decisions and I recommend them to
anyone who wants to think about the unique (and often overwhelming)
opportunities available to American twentysomethings today. This is
especially true for women who have a perfectionist streak—we want to
have everything and we’re given the message we can, which is a recipe
for unhappiness, in my humble opinion.
Also, the advice I always got about “find your passion and do it”—I still
haven’t figured that one out, because it seems to me that if you have a
job, and it’s 80% satisfying, and you have free time to do your hobby
and have people in your life you love and who love you—you’re doing
REALLY well in life.
In any case, the books are “Undecided” by Barbara & Shannon Kelley
and “Twentysomething, Twentyeverything” by Christine Hassler.

Melissa Lambert, 31

Demelza Benton, 29

Yang Zhou, 29
13

List 5 words that
describe your 20s.

exciting, turbulent, transforming, beautiful, scary

What is the best memory
from your 20s?

Best memory. That’s actually pretty difficult to pinpoint. How about an interesting memory?
This one time, a bunch of friends and I decided to make a very special concoction called the
Green Dragon. We made a batch that was enough to get 20–30 people pretty baked, and
thought it was a brilliant idea to share it among just six of us.
Nothing was happening for a while and I remember wondering if we had made a failed batch.
But in about half an hour, the high was hitting me like a ton of bricks. It was too sudden, and
way too intense. If you had smoked from a pipe, vaporizer or bong before, you’ll know that
the high usually comes quite immediately after you inhale. And because of this, you usually
have more control over how high you wanted to get and when to stop. Now, with the Green
Dragon...dude, all that THC is already inside of you. So it was hitting me really hard, and I
couldn’t do anything to stop myself from becoming more and more stoned, and that was only
the beginning. I’ll tell you, I didn’t become fully sober until a whole 24 hours later.
I knew I had to lie down. I had somehow made it to my bed, and I felt like electricity was
coursing through my body. There was too much energy being released, but my body wants
to be paralyzed. If I tried to sit up or move, an incredible wave of nausea would overcome
me. Someone sat beside me and patted me. It was wonderful and it made me feel so safe. I
remember dreading that he was going to stop.
I think there were four other people on the bed with me now. We didn’t mind each other. I
heard someone run to the bathroom to throw up. I heard a loud crashing sound. But it was so
difficult to focus on anything. All my senses were crazy heightened but I felt so very detached.
I didn’t care for the person who was getting sick in the bathroom, I didn’t care what made
that crashing sound. All I knew was that something beautiful was playing on Pandora. I was
hearing music but seeing images. The rhythm turned into girls dancing in red skirts, twirling
umbrellas, ink mixing into water, all this in slow-motion. The shadows in my room were
coming alive. Not in a horror movie sort of way, but it was so easy to find images in them. The
shadows of my ceiling lights came together to make a reindeer.
The images came and went for hours and hours, but sleep came eventually. When we woke,
it was probably late in the afternoon and I was still high. The high was not nearly as intense as
the night before, but I could definitely still feel it. It was kind of nice, actually. I felt perfectly
functional, just a little more relaxed and unconcerned than my normal self. I was also feeling
more creative than usual, so I got three of us to write a little story.
There was once a girl named Paper. She was paper thin!!! She liked burgers. Burgers with
faces on them. Motherfuckin’ faces, bitch! Bitch, you don’t mess with my motherfuckin’
burgers! The worst kind of burgers have beautiful eyes. So one day she went out for a walk
to get some burgers. On the way, she saw a candy-colored poodle. And decided that she
wanted a dog instead. A dog she could love and hug and stuff. But they gave her a turtle.
And it reminded her of burgers with beautiful eyes. So she named it Patty-Pretty Eyes. It liked
to poop. Its poop had beautiful eyes too! You see, Paper had boring purple eyes. Which could
see through wood. Morning wood!
Moral of the story: Trees fuel creativity.

What do you know now
that you wish you knew
in your 20s?

Unfortunately, I’m still in my 20s. Five more years of fucking up and falling on my face to go!
It’s really quite exciting.

While living in Madrid as
an international student,
my friend and I decided
to buy tickets to go to
Amsterdam the next day.
We didn’t have a hotel or
friends or speak English very
well. Being on that train to
that unknown destination
gave me a great sense of
freedom.

Living, working, and traveling
abroad while in Japan.

It was the time I just came
to UC Irvine as a graduate
student, everyone around
me was friendly and helpful.
Combined with the cultural
shock of just coming to the
US, everything was new
and exciting. Also at that
age, I did not feel the stress
from life at all. That’s a
memory hard to forget.

What do you know now
that you wish you knew
in your 20s?

Your life doesn’t end when
you turn 30...or 40, or 50.

To just be yourself. You
can’t fake being someone
who you aren’t, so don’t
try. To be content within.

Politically, I wish I had
known that China could
become so powerful
internationally today.

Friends come and go, but
that’s OK.

Economically, I wish I had
known the behavior of the
stock market and housing
market in the last 10 years.

Your mother will always
be there no matter how
bad things get, and she
will always forgive you no
matter what you do.

What’s your advice
for those currently
in their 20s?

Take every opportunity life
throws at you, no fear. Or
as we would say in Spanish:
Pura Vida.

Have fun, but try to stay
grounded and make plans
for the future.

Spend some time
researching all your options
before you make an
important decision!

Anonymous, 33

Anonymous, 30

Anonymous, 55
17

18

Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll never be more
prepared or ready,
youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll always be you
at this moment.
Brenden Sanborn, 27

19

List 5 words that
describe your 20s.

exploring, discovering,
bewildering, building a
professional persona,
enthusiasm

introspective, experimental,
informational, formative

marriage, military, stability,
independence, art

What is the best memory
from your 20s?

Thanksgiving potluck in Japan
with other Assistant Language
Teachers. It was bizarre,
outside the apartment it was
just another day, but inside,
the atmosphere completely
changed. Everyone inside
shared something—we
celebrated Thanksgiving—and
it brought us together, literally
and figuratively. Everyone
wanted to be festive and was
anticipating a great feast, so
everyone put their best effort
forward (aka made food they
have for Thanksgiving).

Sitting in an oceanside,
outdoor onsen in Japan as
steam rolled from the pools
into the waters below, and
rain drizzled onto my head.

Moving into my first place.

I was in a country far away,
but that night, I had such a
feeling of “home” from eating
familiar food, and the sense that
I belonged to a community. It
was easy to feel isolated, in that
situation—and in my 20s, past
the days of college hangouts—
so finding a community to
belong to was, and still is,
important to me.

20

Standing in one position for
hours just so I can have a
front-row spot to see one
of my favorite bands at
Coachella. Then singing along
and dancing with thousands
of people at my back, doing
the exact same thing.
Taking an impromptu
camping trip with my friends,
getting lost, and miraculously
finding a camping spot
without reservations. We ate
the most amazing hot dogs
that night.

What do you know now
that you wish you knew
in your 20s?

If anyone you first meet starts
out by saying, “We might fight/
have disagreements,”—RUN.
There is a reason why this
person has fights/disagreements.

I realized this a couple of
years ago, but I wish I knew
this right out of college.
That your 20s can be just as
formative as your teens and
college. It’s the perfect time
to figure out what kind of
man you want to be as you
grow older.

Will have to come back to
that one. Still only 21.

What’s your advice
for those currently
in their 20s?

It’s OK if you don’t know what
you want to do in life. This is the
time to explore and build off of
who you already are.

Take chances! Make
mistakes! And go/do see
stuff while you can.

You’re young, you can do
anything you put your heart
and mind towards.

Sarah Zakem, 29

Gregory Shin, 29

Lindsey Gloria, 21

independent, possibility, roots,
growth, change

new, freedom, exploration,
experimentation, friends

active, crazy, energetic,
sleepless, stupid

change, discovery, purpose,
uncertainty, naps

Hiking down a narrow
canyon in Utah on my first
overnight backpacking trip.
We set up camp for the night
and I realized that we were
completely out of range of any
other human beings. It was
exhilarating! (And scary.)

Just being foolish young
adults with college friends.

Basketball and first love.

Probably the day my friend
Saki and I took a weekend
trip to Kyoto. I loved
spending time with her,
and it was great to have a
native show me around the
area. We also dressed up as
geisha and had our pictures
taken. I looked really weird.

That you’re definitely not too
old to change your mind and
decide you want to pursue
something completely different.

Still in my twenties, but
now that I’m older, I would
not spend my money (i.e.
student loans) so freely.

Control my temper and
know what I want for my
life....

Well, I’m still in my 20s,
so...I wish I had known in
my early 20s that I needed
to work harder to have a
career plan. My idea at the
time was that somehow
everything would work out,
as long as I got good grades
in school.

Everyone says to go ahead and
take chances, because you’ll
regret the things you didn’t do
more than the things you did
do. They’re right! However, the
things I do regret all involve not
taking care of my body. I wish
I had worn sunscreen and hats
more often, taken better care
of my joints, and been better
about exercising.

Try to have a plan and a few
back up plans for life.

Be patient and try to find
out yourself.

Have fun, but don’t forget
to make a plan for the
future as well.

Robyn Bytheway, 29

Anonymous, 29

Shih-Fen Lin, 32

Kelley McMorris, 26
21

If you arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t the steward
of your own happiness,
if you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t make
the choice to live well,
no one is going
to do it for you. And no
measurable material
success or failure
is really going to change
the way you feel.
Jessie R. Vernham, 26

22

23

List 5 words that
describe your 20s.

transition, abroad, adulthood,
uncertain, friends

fun, scary, dramatic,
confusing, learning

Waiting for a kidney
transplant.

What is the best memory
from your 20s?

Going to Japan for a month in
the summer. Traveling around,
seeing sights I’ve never seen
before, it was great. Really hot
and humid though.

Getting married. Sounds so
cliche, but I spent most of
my late teens and early 20s
thinking I didn’t want to get
married. But I met the right
person and got married
at 27. It really marked a
milestone of heading into
adulthood and figuring out
what I wanted in life.

When I got my first kidney
transplant. I went, overnight,
from the worst I had ever felt,
from being on death’s door, to
this insane feeling of wellness.
I couldn’t believe that this was
how healthy people felt all the
time—it was as though I had
been walking around every day
with a thick black blanket over
my head, and someone had
taken it away and let me see
the light and feel the fresh air.

What do you know now
that you wish you knew
in your 20s?

I wish I knew how to properly
find a nice girlfriend. Still trying
to figure that one out.

How to handle money.

I wish I had realized that
happiness is a choice—and
that no external thing will
ever come along to make me
happy. The only thing that will
make me happy is deciding to
be so.

To speak my mind more often.
To trust my gut.
To invest in my own ideas.

What’s your advice
for those currently
in their 20s?

Live out your 20s to the best of
your abilities. Try to have the
least amount of regrets after
they’re over. At least once get
a crazy haircut.

Travel!!!! Travel, travel, travel.
It is amazing how much you
can learn about yourself and
life when you travel. The
farther the better. :)

Be aware that the events of
your life will conspire to make
you bitter and unhappy, but
that there is no one in the
world who is more invested in
your well-being than yourself.
If you aren’t the steward of
your own happiness, if you
don’t make the choice to live
well, no one is going to do it
for you. And no measurable
material success of failure is
really going to change the way
you feel.

Teresa Camp, 33

Jessie R. Vernham, 26

Still being in my twenties, it’s
kind of weird answering these
questions, but knowing that
30 is right around the corner
really makes me think about
them. I hope someone can get
something out of my answers.

It’s more of a set of memories than
any particular one that became
an experience. It was finding and
growing into my relationships with
my best friend, who in time, became
my husband. We met in college,
moved three times between states,
and were married in England (we
share a love of history and there was
no single place in the US that worked
best for us).

The Birth and Dedication
of my son and daughter in
front of our local church.

I traveled internationally for the
first time ever with friends to
Tokyo for nine days. This was an
unforgettable experience since I’d
never been to a foreign country
and had lusted over Japan for
years and years. It was some
extreme bonding time with the
friends I went with and we have
memories from that trip that
we’ll never forget. Also, Japan is
a drug and I must go back.

That moment when I
finally figured out what I
was passionate enough
about to want to do it for
the rest of my life.

I think college, especially
undergraduate school, offers the
unique period in which people
are meeting a mixture of others
for the first time in close quarters
without the added pressure of work
environments or other commitments.
It’s also perhaps the most mobile
time of life—people move from place
to place in their twenties more than
any other point, I think because they
have broken free of their parents and
haven’t yet established roots. It’s OK
to feel fluid during this time—that
your career and relationships aren’t
set in stone. But also that you have
the time to figure things out.

There is a market for
what it is that you LOVE!

I wish I more thoroughly
understood how hard the job
market would be. I knew I was
attempting a highly competitive
market, but employment in
all areas tanked. It was a bit
staggering when I got my BFA
and couldn’t find any job at all,
even unrelated to my degree.
But even this wasn’t completely
unknown to me. I’d heard how
hard it was before getting into it.

What I wanted to do with
my life—would’ve saved
me thousands of dollars.

Save your money. That means “pay
yourself first”—set it up so that it’s
automatically deducted from your
paycheck and put into a savings
account. Not only do you have less
job security than you think you have,
and may need to survive on what
you’ve saved for six months or longer,
but you also will probably never see
a social security check. You need to
save for your retirement. And if your
employer offers a retirement plan,
especially one that matches, don’t
walk—run—to your HR department
and sign up for it.

Find what you LOVE
and pursue it like your
entire life depends on it,
because it does.

Alexandra Bond, 31

Dale C. Rice, 64

What I didn’t know about
the world could still fill
volumes, but now at least
I know that not valuing
MY feelings was as wrong
as choosing the right job
for the wrong reason.

When I got my older,
abusive sister kicked out
of my mom’s house and
got blasted drunk
that night.

Oh, I know. Credit cards. I wish
I knew that getting all those
credit cards just wasn’t worth all
that interest...haha.
It’s fucking hard but a ton of
fun. If I had the chance again,
I’d love to do my twenties all
over again...just in another life
because eff that shit right now.
I’m ready to work!

You must feel and hear
the validation of others
at some point or you may
be deluding yourself.
Listen quietly, then ACT!

Do what you need to do in order
to go after your dream and
passion, but try to be as frugal as
possible. Don’t be afraid to take
risks because everything you do
adds to your experience, even if
it doesn’t pay off immediately.
There are things I studied or tried
early on which I wasn’t really
pumped about (graphic design,
learning computer programs),
but have really helped out later.

No matter what anyone
says, you’re not going to
know what you want to
do with the rest of your
life until you know what
you want to do with the
rest of your life. You’ll
know what that means,
so don’t let anyone rush
you into trying to figure
that out. (Also applies to
teenagers.)

Melisa Des Rosiers, 28

Jolene Ann Young, 27
25

26

List 5 words that
describe your 20s.

drunk, dancing, pensive,
changing, educational

changes, friends, music,
emotional processing, social
justice

uncertainty, change,
exploration, pain, growth

What is the best memory
from your 20s?

The best was during my
undergraduate years.
Studying, working a lot,
sleeping very little, being
able to function on 4 hours
of sleep every night, going
out to clubs and dancing
the night away; making out
with randoms at the club
Thursday through Sunday.

It’s hard for me to think
of a specific best memory,
but I really enjoyed playing
shows. I was (sort of am
still) a drummer throughout
college with several bands
over the years. Some of the
most enjoyable times I had
were playing live music with
my friends.

Scuba diving some of the
most beautiful oceans in
the world.

It allows me to enter some
sort of other mind-space,
where I kind of forget that
I’m an individual person,
and instead, feel like part of
an entity, which is a feeling
I don’t get anywhere else in
my life.
And also dancing. I
discovered in college that
I love to dance. I still do
sometimes, but not as often.

What do you know now
that you wish you knew
in your 20s?

I wish I would’ve just gone
to medical school rather
than changing careers and
settling for something in the
medical field which does not
capture my full potential.

I wish that I knew it was
OK to change my mind
about what I valued,
what I wanted to study,
what career I wanted,
and how I felt about my
relationship with my family
(to know that things can be
complicated and confusing,
to know that it’s OK to
hold them accountable for
their behavior).

That I’d still be hot and
getting hotter at age 30.

What’s your advice
for those currently
in their 20s?

Take the time to figure out
what you want career-wise,
so you don’t waste time
going back and forth. Also,
take the time to view and
observe those closest around
you and be careful who you
associate yourself with.

Try lots of things! Jobs,
relationships, where you
live, anything! I think
sometimes we do things
not because we love them,
but because we think that
is what we are supposed to
do. But there is nothing you
are “supposed to do”—you
get to choose!

Probably, not to be too
afraid of making mistakes
or sidesteps in life. I think
if I had children of my own
in their 20s and they were
going through the “quarter
life” career what-to-dowith-my-life crisis, I’d tell
them that it’s okay if they
don’t know what to do
with their lives—that some
things come only with time,
experience, and age.

There was the first time I volunteered in Latin America, during
college in 2003, teaching in underserved schools with a team of
local and international volunteers in Nicaragua. That experience
not only influenced my choice to pursue studies and work in
international education, it shaped my philosophy of teaching
and development work.
Somewhat related was the time I went back to Nicaragua in
2006. I was living in Costa Rica at the time and needed to
renew my visa by spending 3 days outside the country. I had
gotten on the bus to cross the border with the equivalent of
about $2, hoping to survive on the charity of the community
I had volunteered with in 2003. (The place I was working at
was months late in paying us). Not having communicated
with anyone from that community in many years, I was
banking on them being there and remembering me (and
on me remembering how to get there). Luckily, despite the
village having grown into a town, I managed to get there
and find people I remembered. And thankfully, they were
very welcoming. It was a humbling experience facing such
uncertainty and depending on folks who barely had enough to
get by.
An interesting thing I’ve realized about my earlier 20s is that I
took a lot of risks I probably wouldn’t have taken now. I’m not
sure how much is age making me more fearful or experience
making me more sensible.

30

What do you know now
that you wish you knew
in your 20s?

That it’s all in the head—I create my own unhappiness,
regardless of the external circumstances, but can equally take
charge and be happy. Well, even if I “know” this now, 10 years
from now do a survey about people in their 30s and let’s see
how much I internalize it by the end of that decade.

Nothing, really. I would not
have had a real 20s’ life if
I knew what I know now
when I was in my 20s.

What’s your advice
for those currently
in their 20s?

Take risks, believe in yourself, show gratitude toward all the
people that help you along the way.

I don’t have a specific best memory from my 20s; it’s more like a culminating realization
of what I’ve learned in that decade. Fresh out of college at 22, I had absolutely no idea
what I was doing or what I even planned on doing, other than some vague inclination
on which direction I should go.

Practicing Chinese calligraphy by
using water on the ground, led by
my grandfather.

It troubled me that some people seemed to know exactly what they were doing
and where they wanted to go (or, at least they were good at giving the impression
of that). It was only years later after meeting many people and working in various
jobs that I realized that many people’s blustering self-confidence (or even arrogance)
actually masked terrible insecurities and personal failings. The truth, I realized, was that
NOBODY really knew what they were doing.
This realization became enormously comforting for me. It became the starting point of
the wisdom I gleaned from the experiences of my 20s—though I had no idea what I
was doing (nobody does at first); through hard work, dedication, a bit of courage, and
a lot of help and luck, I could l teach myself to become competent.
This was true, whether it was training for and completing a marathon, taking on a new
job in a completely different field, getting into and completing graduate school, or
taking and passing the bar exam. In all, the best memory from my 20s was learning to
become comfortable with myself, with all my strengths, weaknesses, idiosyncrasies and
quirks. Only time and experience can bring one to this realization.

I know now that everyone in their 20s was probably just as lost and bewildered as I
was, and I wish I had known that from the very beginning. It probably would have
saved me a lot of pain and confusion.

More stuff in my area of major.

However, looking back, I realize that I needed that period of confusion to eventually
bring my life into focus: setting realistic goals and learning the discipline to make the
incremental steps towards self improvement. By experimenting and trying new things
out, I learned what I didn’t want to do, what I was good at, and what I was lousy at. I
couldn’t have learned these things unless I endured this humbling period of self-discovery.

I don’t have any advice other than to simply learn to be comfortable with yourself—
don’t ever let people get you down or tell you otherwise. They’re just as lost and
confused as you are, whether they admit it or not!

Study hard and train.

For me, this is something I spent my entire 20s learning, and the process continues to
this day. Nobody is perfect, and nothing ever quite goes according to plan. You might
even have your life completely mapped out, but things get in the way that may take
you in a wholly new and unexpected direction—and it might end up being the best
thing that ever happened to you. Sometimes, even silly childhood dreams may become
a reality—it certainly did in my case.
So yes, experiment, try new things, start climbing and see just how high up you can
go. But also be prepared to struggle, sacrifice, and work hard—nothing worth doing is
ever easy. It takes time to find out what you’re good at, what you’d enjoy doing, and
how exactly you will end up contributing to society. These things are what your 20s are
spent finding out.

Anonymous, 30

Ivan Zhu, 22
31

32

List 5 words that
describe your 20s.

flighty, free-spirited,
immortal, independent,
selfish

busy, fun, over, successful,
awesome

wisdom, growing, lively,
adventurous, persistent

What is the best memory
from your 20s?

When I was finally
successful in interviewing
for a flight attendant
position and graduated
from training. I was 28 years
old and had been trying for
3 years to get this position.
I knew this was the perfect
job for me and it was the
first time I’d put my mind to
something, attained it, and
graduated with the highest
score in the class.

New Year’s party in 2010 at
Lisa and Chris’s apartment
in Hudson and St. Paddy’s
Day with Amanda and
Meaghan in 2008.

Giving birth to my son. =)

What do you know now
that you wish you knew
in your 20s?

Education is as important
as my parents always told
me. If I would have buckled
down, studied and found
what I loved much earlier, I
would have had many more
years feeling successful.
While I wouldn’t trade
those years because it made
me who I am, I will be
paying for it by remaining
in the workforce well past
when I could have retired.

N/A

To push myself harder than
what I think I can do and to
not give up.

What’s your advice
for those currently
in their 20s?

Do the absolute best you
can in everything you do,
especially educational
endeavors. It does delay
gratification in the short
term, but the payoff will be
much greater when you do.

Don’t be so worried about
what other people think
of you.

Never give up on your dreams.

Caryn Eaton, 43

Laura Farley, 29

Sarah Hine, 25
33

List 5 words that
describe your 20s.

dad, son, saddest, happiest,
hardest

awkward, lonely,
educational, satisfying,
difficult

confusing, challenging,
unsure, broke, exciting

What is the best memory
from your 20s?

Birth of my son.

Cliche—my wedding day
is my best memory. Even
though stuff went wrong,
I still got to marry my
husband and none of it
mattered in the end.

Moving from Atlanta to San
Francisco to start chasing my
dream at the age of 25.

What do you know now
that you wish you knew
in your 20s?

Working hard at something
isn’t always the solution. You
have to stick up for yourself
and other people have to do
things for you too.

That even though I was
belittled by some, misled
by others, and used more
times than I can count, in
the end, it gave me the
ability to appreciate what I
do have rather than what
I don’t. If I could go back
and tell myself one thing it
would be the now overused
phrase,“It gets better.”

That hard work and lots of
sacrifice is required if you
want to make it anywhere in
this world!

Not sure I have anything...
maybe just enjoy every
moment!! If you are
always thinking about the
future or the past, you miss
the present.

You don’t need to get
married by 25 and have
your first kid in the next
year to have a fulfilling
family life. You also don’t
need to sleep around and
party hard to enjoy your
life. Move through your
life naturally, and don’t
feel like you need to please
everyone around you.

If you think you’re working
hard, you should probably be
working harder. Don’t judge
your worth by your paycheck,
or if you have a job that’s
“related to your degree” or
not. Work hard, do what you
love, and if you can’t, work
hard to ALLOW you to do
what you love on the side.

Amy Attaway, 29

Anonymous, 29

Joie Brown, 27

What’s your advice
for those currently
in their 20s?

34

The 20s are really a new
“teen” age. I feel like people
don’t really start getting their
lives together until their 30s.

Try to be more considerate
and less self-righteous.
Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hard, I know.
Wing K., 32

35

List 5 words that
describe your 20s.

fun, adventure, love,
studying, baby

exhilarating, ephemeral, endurance,
evolution, epiphany

energetic, careless,
carefree, immortal, lost

What is the best memory
from your 20s?

Getting married at 24, there
were many great memories
from my wedding. Also,
having my first child at 27.

It is impossible to pick one thing. In
this past year alone, I’ve organized
events for 10,000–30,000 people,
I took part in the Mars Curiosity
landing, I’ve traveled to Alaska and
Hawaii for work, shook the President’s
hand, watched the shuttle Endevour
fly over on a 747, almost died (and
more scary yet, watched my wife
almost die) while whitewater rafting,
backpacked across Yosemite and Big
Sur, went scuba diving in brilliant kelp
forests in the Monterey Bay, helped
my pregnant wife and saw the fragile
miracle of life only to watch it almost
slip away in the neonatal intensive care
unit while my daughter fought for her
right to enter this world.

Living life one day at a
time, eating everything
and anything I wanted,
and those nights of
endless drinking.

What do you know now
that you wish you knew
in your 20s?

I’m still in my twenties, but
I wish I had slowed down
more and enjoyed every day
for what it was.

If I could tell myself (at the age of 20)
a few things, it’d go a little something
like this:

Know where you want to
go and go bravely.

You’ll never be more prepared or ready,
you’ll always be you at this moment.
You only ever get one chance to make
the most of the moment, once it’s
gone, it’s lost forever.
We’re all trying to figure it out, and
nobody (even the people who think
they do) has got it down, so just make
peace with yourself and everyone
else so that we can work together to
make it.

What’s your advice
for those currently
in their 20s?

36

Slow down. Enjoy the
process of getting where
you’re going.

Ask yourself what REALLY matters.
Ask yourself EVERY morning what
you hope to accomplish, what is
your purpose, how can you make a
difference. Every day you are living for
someone or something, so realizing
that and taking control is the most
important thing we can do. And if it’s
not obvious, living for yourself isn’t
going to lead to a sense of fulfillment
down the road.

Be brave. Follow your gut.

Malia Sanborn, 27

Brenden Sanborn, 27

Young Kim, 31

challenges, frustration,
tragedy, lost, confused

evolution, unplanned, surprise,
work, art

oblivious, blunt, foot-in-mouth syndrome, determined, driven

Graduating college.

One of my best memories was
one of my hardest memories:
moving away from home. It
allowed me to become who I am.

Successfully transferring into the design program at UCLA
after two previous failed attempts. I remember that up
to that point in my life, I’ve never wanted something so
intensely. I remember the day I received my acceptance
email...I was in the library and literally jumped out of my
seat and yelped (Sam was there and was both happy for me
and embarrassed ha)! This small victory ultimately led me
to my current profession, so it definitely affected me in a
tremendous way.
Visiting my grandmother in Hong Kong shortly after college
graduation is also a great memory. That was the first time
I traveled back to my birthplace since moving to California
when I was a kid. It was nice to see that the city was mostly
the same, just more overpopulated.
Paying off my student loan. As silly as that sounds, it felt like
one of those cliche moments in which a chapter of my life
has officially ended. Of course from then on, there are far
crappier things to follow (car loans, IRA, health insurance,
bills, freaking rent/mortgage).

How important family is.
Doing what is right
instead of silence can be
freeing and could have
saved a life.

I wish that I knew how to
maximize my time better.

Once people are set in their beliefs, it’s very hard to change
their minds, so pick your battles carefully. Religion, for example,
is a fruitless fight. The best you can hope for is for those with
differing beliefs to just freaking leave you alone. O_O
Whatever “epic” projects you’re working on, be they short
films or music or whatnot, you’re going to look back in
ten years and find them kind of embarrassing. But that’s
okay, because people change...their tastes change. What’s
important is you’ve created something that at one point in
your life mattered to you.

Things don’t come to
those who wait.

Try to be more considerate and less self-righteous. It’s hard,
I know.

Never forget family. Work
hard, but don’t forget
what is really important.

You don’t know nearly as much
as you think you do. Listen to
those who have done it before
you and synthesize their thoughts
with yours.

Pursue things that interest you. Don’t waste your time doing
things you don’t care about, because by the time you realize
that what you do bores you to death, you may find yourself
in a stagnant, yet comfortable place in life where, despite
your best efforts, you’ll be reluctant to change.
If there’s nothing that interests or excites you, then take the
time to try new things until you find something that does.
It’s worth it.

Traveling with friends to
Sydney, Australia, or any
other destination really.
Work was great and making
strides in my career are all
very good, but traveling with
friends and seeing the big,
big world are why I work.

Well, I’m still in my 20s—early
on in them at that, but my best
memories will probably be what
I’m experiencing right now and
will be going through for the
next few years. Graduating from
the Academy of Art University,
attending law school in the
fall, and passing the bar (after
however many attempts!). I can
say with confidence that being
a student has been and will be
the best memory of my 20s. But
I just love school, so I’m an odd
one haha.

The best memory from my
20s was when I found the
courage to pursue my calling
as an artist. It was the spring
of 2010, when I was 25 years
old. I had just gone through
a public speaking and selfmotivation seminar, where I
learned a lot about myself,
what I’m capable of and what I
can do to grow as a person.

What do you know now
that you wish you knew
in your 20s?

Work harder play harder.

What I wish I knew two years
ago was to be a little more
careful with my heart. I’ve
become slightly jaded when
it comes to love only because
I’ve had my heart broken a few
times now (but who hasn’t?).
It’s not that I’ve learned to avoid
love, it’s just that I’ve learned to
only love those who earn it and
give the same love back.

I wish I had known that there
is no reason to be afraid. But
I couldn’t have learned that
without taking the journey that
taught me that.

What’s your advice
for those currently
in their 20s?

Travel in your 20s.
Adventures, experiences,
and connections are
irreplaceable since you’re
still probably developing.
Save the 30s and 40s for
raising a family.

I would say...being in your 20s is
probably one of the only times
in your life when you’re sort of
allowed to be selfish. Not in the
sense where you’re only out
for yourself, but in the sense
that the big decisions you make
need to be what is best for
you down the line. And if that
means moving away from your
boyfriend/girlfriend or staying
in to study for a final instead of
going out and celebrating your
best friend’s birthday, then do
it. It’s not that it will be easy
or that there won’t be certain
repercussions of those decisions,
but if it helps you to achieve an
overall goal you have, then do
it. And do it full force.

Never stop growing. Know that
you have time to grow, mature,
and develop as a person.

Jessica, 22

Anonymous, 28

Anonymous, 30
40

The best decision I ever made
was to come out to San
Francisco and become an artist.

Understand that we are all
afraid, lost and confused,
at least some of the time.
Understand that this is natural.
Don’t be afraid to make plans.
Don’t be afraid to deviate
from plans. Don’t be afraid to
make mistakes.
Don’t be afraid.

busy, productive, exciting, tiring, new

adventure, exploration, maturity,
challenging, introspective

challenging, growth, decisions,
independence, questioning

Being in the beginning of my 20s,
I’d have to say one of my favorite
memories would have to be using
my ID for my first legitimate alcohol
purchase. I remembered the times in
high school when we had to ask older
siblings or cousins or find a fake ID.
Using my 21 year old ID for the first
time gave me a sense of independence,
and a nice buzz afterwards.

As a collective memory, all my
backpacking trips. It was mentally and
physically challenging but I connected
with my inner Thoreau. Being away from
the city, getting in touch with nature, it
was my getaway to recharge and clear my
mind when the daily grind was getting
too gritty.

Choosing to join Peace Corps and live
abroad and work in a small community
for two years was the best decision I
made. I would say a lot of my life choices
before then were somewhat random and
impulse-driven, with a focus on being
successful and trying to make my parents
proud. In Peace Corps, I learned what
really matters to me and struggled to
find my way, two things that I think have
made me stronger and able to make
more informed and better decisions.

I guess this applies more to my
knowledge in my late teens, but after
being a bit in my 20s, I wish that I
hadn’t played video games or sat
around watching YouTube or surfing
the internet as much as I did. Being in
your twenties, you see how important
time is.

Undergraduate courses can “expire” for
graduate school prerequisite credits, but
the cumulative GPA stays forever!!

Do something everyday that you know
your future self will thank you for.

Stay curious. Fight the cynicism and don’t
get jaded.

I would look forward to my trips every
summer. Great new tradition!

It’s never too late to go back to school,
but you might have to start all over with
the general education courses. Which is
a blessing in disguise, because you get to
revisit familiar ideas with new perspectives.

It’s never really about you. You’re just a
catalyst. People’s actions/reactions say
more about them than about you.

Christian Rimando, 21

Joanne Seto, 30

That life is not just about taking a test,
that people and experiences matter
a lot more, and to take advantage of
opportunities. Also, there is no one right
or wrong decision. Life presents a series
of options that all can lead to different
and interesting paths.

Relax and take the time to enjoy all the
changes and options in front of you.
Slow down and try to be intentional with
your decisions. Don’t just do things you
think others want or expect of you. And
wait before you get that tattoo. :)

A.M., 29
41

I would not have had
a real 20sâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; life if I knew
what I know now
when I was in my 20s.
Ben Gao, 58

42

List 5 words that
describe your 20s.

exploration, fun, growth, friendships,
possibilities

best, reality, plight, discovery, acceptance

What is the best memory
from your 20s?

The first time I was at a bar with
friends on New Year’s Eve and
counting down the clock. We walked
along the beach afterwards, and I
apologized to someone that I had
hurt before.

Every moment of college. Everything was fresh and
full of possibilities. It was something magical that
can never be regained. I knew it at the time, so I
took every advantage to enjoy it to the fullest.

The time I came home and found
that one of my friends had mailed me
the missing bed pole that I needed.
That time, after swapping stories
about crushes with my college
roommate, I opened my email to
see a parallel photo collage that
she made showing the guys doing
similarly dorky things.

What do you know now
that you wish you knew
in your 20s?

What’s your advice
for those currently
in their 20s?

You are not perfect, so stop trying to
do things perfectly. Do things messy,
and don’t care so much about how
others perceive you.

At 24, I felt unaccomplished in my career and that it
was too late to get started when, in fact, it was the
best time to try, make mistakes, and learn!

Figure out what you want to do or
what you love, and then follow that.
It takes about 5 years to reinvent
yourself into an expert, so it doesn’t
matter where you’ve come from or
what mistakes you’ve made so long
as you start. Don’t get caught up on
the costs that you’ve already sunk
on the path you came from. Choose
what you love, move forward, and
don’t look back.

Depending on who you are, it may be the hardest
time in your life so far. Know that you are not alone.
Everybody fears failure and has self doubt from
time to time. If you have good health, you have
everything. Take courage and start building your life.

I often felt I had to prove myself and defend my
decisions. Now, I’m less inclined to do so because
it’s replaced by a new confidence forged from
my experiences.

Get ready to be humbled. Don’t be too proud to ask
for help, admit that you were wrong, or apologize.
There’s no need to compare yourself to others. They
may seem happy or successful to you, but you can’t
truly know how they feel or what their life is like.
Find out what works for you. It will take a long,
long time and when life becomes too grueling, ask
yourself,”Is there anything else I’d rather be doing?”
You can’t control everything, so enjoy life’s little
surprises and you’ll always have something to look
forward to.

Anonymous, 30

Shirong Gao, 30
43

Thanks for reading!
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CONTACT ME
Shirong Gao
mail@gaoshirong.com
gaoshirong.com

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