My World has Been Turned Upside Down

The title sounds so dramatic! My world has been turned upside down… But that is how I am feeling. Here is the thing, though, I needed my world to be turned upside down.

Today started out like any other day, nothing out of the ordinary. Well, that isn’t so true. Sightly out of the ordinary was a planned run with my running coach. Honestly, I wasn’t looking forward to it like I normally would be, I wasn’t really sure why. Especially because I have an AMAZING running coach! Beth is supportive, she is challenging, she is intuitive, and just genuinely nice. Everything I need to be successful!

We met for our run and had our typical conversations and then we went where I have been pretending didn’t exist. We started talking about my why, why was I running, why did I want to continue to run? She mentioned she was getting the feeling I was running for the rush of racing because I just keep adding race after race to my schedule. It looked to her as though I wasn’t running for the run itself. And you know what, she was so right!

I have known this since December, maybe even earlier that my love for running was just not there. I told myself it was my anxiety and the side effects of the medication I was on. I wasn’t getting out of running what I had been. I knew deep down I still loved it but I wasn’t enjoying it, it was a chore. I just didn’t know why. Enter Beth! She pointed out, I have been approaching running the same way I had been when I started running in 2013. When I started running, I was still in weight loss mode. I was running to help me lose weight not so much because I loved it or really even wanted to. I would register for a race because having that event to train for is what got my out the door and running.

A lot has changed over time, I now really love running (and until recently enjoyed going out for a run). I know I like the way running makes me feel, I love the people it has brought into my life, I love the challenges it has presented me, and most importantly I love how it has changed me for the better.

So why was my world turned upside down? Because I have to change my approach to running and that is changing how I think about myself. And as much as I hate admitting it, I don’t want others to look at me differently. That sounds weird I know, but you see, when you have gone from a sedentary, overweight lifestyle to the lifestyle I live now you have a lot of people watching you. Some people are there cheering you on and hoping you succeed, some are hoping you fail and revert back to your old ways, and others see you as an inspiration or motivation. I am worried about the last two groups. I feel like the haters are going to think I am giving in and going back to the old lifestyle (I know I shouldn’t feel this way but I do). But even more concerning to me is that I am worried I am going to let those people who look to me for motivation or inspiration down.

As much as I am worried about changing my approach and my view of myself, I know it needs to happen in order for me to be happy. So how am I going to change my approach? I am going to stop (for the immediate future) focusing on running races. That doesn’t mean I won’t run races but if I do I will approach them much differently. I am going to start focusing on the run itself and the joy it brings me. Running isn’t always roses and rainbows, so there are always going to be days that I don’t want to get out there and run. However, I am going to focus on getting myself out there even when that happens because I love it and what it brings me.

I always talk about how I love a challenge because I like the change that it brings. Here the thing though, I am terrible at a challenge when it involves changing something I have been doing for a long time. So this quite possibly could be the biggest challenge I have ahead of me. But I am so up for the challenge! I need this challenge!

I feel really bad for Beth, she had to deal with me crying for half our time together today. But I am so happy, she brought it up because I needed to get it out. (See just another great reason to hire a running coach.) Now that I know what has been bothering me, I can work at making it better! Starting today, I am going to run because I want to, not because I have to train for a race.

Wow this got way longer than I planned! However, between Beth asking me why am I running and challenging me to think about it and me writing about what I have been feeling, I feel so much better and even excited for my fresh start!

So a huge thank you to Beth for starting the conversation that I should have had with myself a while ago!

That is a big thing to come to a realization about and then change. But, I fully believe that we need to do what makes us happy. If you feel the need to lessen your running and do other fitness activities, go for it! Do what’s best for YOU. Good luck in your next steps.

Your concerns right now with getting fit are perfectly normal, but If I could offer a little advice, I would try to only surround myself with the types of people who do support you and your fitness journey and are there to cheer you on. The other types of people who want to see you fail, are not the types of people you want to be around, and that kind of negativity will only ever bring you down. You’re doing an awesome job, so hold your head up high and just keep doing what you’re doing! 🙂

It sounds like you are taking a great approach to getting right to where you need to be. Don’t worry about anyone but yourself. I know it’s easier said than done, but you can just focus on yourself for a while until you figure everything out.

I definitely think you’re an inspiration! I would like to start running for weight loss, but I don’t enjoy it too much (because I’m not good at it?). My husband runs marathons, and I wish I could, too – maybe one day! Glad you’re tuned in to what it is you need to be doing for YOURSELF! Go, girl!

Oh, thank you! I am not sure what good at running is but I am pretty sure I am not good at it either. ;o) I envy marathon runners, that is one distance that I think my elude me. I so appreciate your kind words!

Good for your for making some changes, and for focusing on what you really want! I ran for 10 years and honestly grew to hate it. I thought there would never be anything that kept me in as good of shape as running and I was afraid I wouldn’t ever find a workout I liked again. Enter spin class 🙂 Now I’m an avid spinner and it’s the best, most efficient workout I’ve ever done. Maybe you’d like it!

I have only taken on spin class, many years ago. However, last year I started biking and just purchased a trainer so I can ride while there is snow on the ground. I am a little intimidated by a spin class but there is a new studio in town that I really want to try. I know I will bring myself to go and I have a feeling I will really like it. Thank you for the suggestion!

Hi Missy, Finally getting round to looking at the blogs which have commented on my blog recently, apologies for the delay – the joys of trying to fit my blogging and networking around working a full time job and having a busy social life too. 🙂 I have followed you on all your social media links above and hope you get the chance to do the same with mine. I love your blog, the style of it is just lovely, so neat and really cute in design too, and your writing style is very readable and inspirational. I love this post, and good on you and good on Beth for getting you there, having a training coach sounds like a fabulous way to get through. I agreed with the premise of always remembering to take a step back and look at why you are doing something and how you have progressed on your journey. It seems to me you have a hell of a lot to be proud of! Good luck and keep going! Hope you have a fab week x

Hello! My name is Missy, and I am the blogger behind Getting Fit to Find Myself. I live in the Twin Cities (Minnesota) with my fiancé, Justin, and my dog, Baylee. This blog came out of a want, I wanted a place to talk about how my fitness and weight loss journeys have helped shape who I am today. Read More…