(Newser)
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Rihanna returned to Chris Brown after he assaulted her Feb. 8, telling Diane Sawyer, “I fell in love with that person. That’s embarrassing. So far in love, so unconditional, that I went back.” Responding to Sawyer’s estimate in an interview airing tonight and tomorrow on ABC that, “on average, I think it takes a woman seven times before she leaves,” Rihanna says, “Eight or nine, actually.”

The singer says her realization that she’s a role model was the “wake-up call” that caused her to finally leave Brown. “When I realized that my selfish decision for love could result in some young girl getting killed, I could not be easy with that part,” she says, adding some advice for anyone in an abusive relationship: “Don’t react off of love. Eff love. Love is so blind.”

“Eff love” is a misguided and bitter knee-jerk sentiment. love is a beautiful thing and must not be confused with fear and delusion. Eff fear and delusion. stammering disjointed and fragmented sentences, with words that are not used correctly, ie, “I could not even be easy with that,” delivered with a “how did this happen to me” daze, does NOT give the impression that she is clear yet on the situation, rather, she is still struggling to come to terms with it (which is understandable). her stance does not seem strong, it comes across as sheepish astonishment. that’s a step in a healthy direction, but she still has a long way to go toward strength and clarity. i am thrilled to hear she thinks it was embarrassing that “that is the type of person (she) fell in love with,” because that statement acknowledges that it takes two to participate in a relationship, even an ABUSIVE relationship. but she starts out saying it “happened,” the abuse was something that “happened” to her. it didn’t just happen, someone DID it. her partner, whom she trusted, harmed her. I would like to hear more outrage from her towards her attacker, and a clear identification of her role in the relationship, not some bland “it happened.” be clear that she CHOSE a partner who beat her, and why she chose that partner. they chose each other. this wasn’t a random stranger attacking someone he didn’t know, they each found something rewarding in the personality of their partnership to BE in the partnership. talk about that. Rihanna, talk about what drew you in and why the relationship was appealing. THAT’s what people can learn from, how to recognize the signs of an unhealthy destructive relationship. i wish she wouldn’t focus so much on “how high of a pedestal young girls put (her) on”…whoa nelly, stop worrying so much about what others think and RESPECT YOURSELF first. get your EGO out of your way and build actual self-esteem, not puffed up self-aggrandizement. learn what the difference is. she is right that “love is so blind.” i wish she would also identify that fear is blinding, too. people create and hide behind fear to feel protected from shame, from public humiliation, to be weak, to hold back from growing and moving forward, to attempt to hide from discomfort or pain. LETTING GO OF FEAR is EMPOWERING. her healing and awakening process is still going to take awhile and i hope she sees it all the way through, like Tina Turner has, for instance. it isn’t just “young girls” who are in abusive relationships, people of all ages struggle with this. glamour and fashion is a construct to hide behind. it’s a diversion, a la look at all the smoke and mirrors and feathers and sequins and lycra, so you won’t notice the real me. i hope Rihanna and C Brown both get emotionally healthy. sidenote: Rihanna’s fashion sense is las vegas meets the muppets in outer space…impressively ridiculous and unbecoming!

thudson

Nov 5, 2009 7:55 AM CST

dangerousdan - that's a racist statement.

alkaseltzersammich

Nov 5, 2009 7:44 AM CST

Yourself reads the titles and responds without regard to the actual content.