Tuesday, July 8, 2008

something a bit more substantive

I was craving salt water caramels, which A gave me as PART #1 of her fabulous birthday gift earlier this year. She took me to Red Lobster (I'd never really been, so was I excited? Oh, you betcha!) and A has just been so super supportive of me in various ways. I missed her birthday, and I felt like the biggest asshole. Thinking about how distant I've been recently, it put me in my place, and forced me to assess how good I am to people. And that's pretty fucked up since everyone around me in my life..well they're all pretty good people.

While my recent vacation allowed me to take the time I needed for myself, it's so easy to become so extremely self-involved. I've lost sight of prioritizing meaningful moments with the friends who've kept me all these years. And yeah. It doesn't help that I am a tad poor right now, and can't really afford to leave $5 strewn about here and there just trying to be entertained in one of the most expensive cities EVAR! Therefore, becoming teh ILL hermit was the natural progression of things (in my life.)

So, this week, I've gone ahead and really tried to honor the commitments I've made with my friends. For someone who's been hiding from the world, it takes some transitioning. It's as if I have to reawaken things in me, just to get myself out the door. But whenever the perfect combination of ideal outdoor temperature, lulls in personal drama, and some productivity (erm..crossing things off my list) fall into place, I manage to see the sun from the outside, and not from my window. I get to return messages I've intentionally ignored in the last couple of weeks, too. In any case, I've been able to reconnect with some old friends from high school, and ones from my early college days. To be able to pick it back up where we left off, I mean...that's a good feeling. I definitely spent more money than I should have, but let's not worry about that right now. (Why does everything I do cost money? even to free events, I'm paying for transpo. I need to rethink this. Blah!)