Monday, November 25, 2013

the one where it's over, so over.

It's surprising how quickly it all went. Weddings are so intense, so I was expecting a little more pomp and circumstance. I mean, at least some balloons and the Cupid Shuffle.

I was a little caught off-guard when I realized I had to take the stand. They really don't show this in shows like The People's Court. I could feel my anxiety rising as I walked up to the stand, and that's never good. Because when I'm anxious, I laugh. Loudly and without ceasing. Luckily I refrained from laughing maniacally.

Instead I just sat there with the biggest tight-lipped smile, trying to keep control of the laughter growing inside.

I'm mature, guys. I swear.

A couple of questions here and there, and we were declared to be "officially single people again". I was okay on the ride to the courthouse, and the ride back to the county clerk's office. Yes. Ride. Because John and I carpool to divorce hearings.

But once I started driving back home, I lost it. It probably didn't help that I got lost and wound up driving through Pea Ridge, but I totally ugly cried the entire way home. And while I changed my clothes. And then on the 45 minute drive to Fayetteville to get the boys. At one stoplight I looked over at the car next to me, and a thirtysomething guy was staring at me with the biggest sad face ever.

And now I'm back home. Puffy faced and processing it all while soaking in the tub.

I know exactly how you feel. Part of the reason I have not filed is because when the divorce is granted it will mean I officially failed. I am not going to take that lightly. Im terrified to hear those words. Please lean on me for emotional support. Illness there to listen. Love you girl.

Been there. Carpooling and all. It's one of those milestones you don't forget, but ugly-crying has the comforting feeling of purging your soul from the death of what was. Those overwhelmed, sobbing breaths are both humbling and redemptive. Love you.

I kept waiting for crying of any sort with mine... but it took so long to get brave enough to kick him out that I was cried out. When I left that courthouse afterwards, I felt sparkly, like I'd sucked the nitrous oxide out of the can of whipping cream.