A Comment on Comments, the Allergy Edition

Every once in a while I throw a photo on the ol’ Facebook wall and then I go on with my day not giving it a second thought until five hours later when I look at Facebook to discover that the photo has stirred up a hornet’s nest of angry impassioned people who want to stab me with a hundred Epi-Pens. That happened yesterday when I posted a photo about allergies. It was a picture of a business card that someone named Megan had created to explain everything she was allergic to in order to make it easier for the kitchen to prepare her food. Oh, and I called her a “special little snowflake” because I’m bitchy like that. That darn photo pissed off a lot of folks and was seen by over 325,000 people, “liked” by over 2,200 people and shared almost 1,000 times. It was definitely a polarizing photo that made a total of 46 people decide to “unlike” The Bitchy Waiter Facebook page yesterday. However, a total 595 new “likes” were earned, so there’s that. There were a number of comments that I should respond to, so let’s get started, shall we?

Allergies!!

First of all, the photo was posted on a page called “Bitchy Waiter.” I mean, it has “bitchy” right there in the title, so it should come as no surprise that some things that get posted are less than friendly. I would also suggest that everything on the page be taken with a grain if salt, that is if you had a salt shaker, which you probably don’t because even though you asked me to bring you one, I got distracted and forgot about it. Most people commented with the standard “I guess it’s lettuce for you” and “How about a big glass of air?” and a lot of “GTFO’s.” Plenty of people, thought she should just eat at home and some assholes said she should die. I never said any of that. All I did was call her a “snowflake.”

Leonardo said:I love it when guests have these cards. They are concerned about not dying in a restaurant and it helps the chef prepare safe food more efficiently than listening to us servers ramble on about what the guest can’t eat.

Yes, I agree that the cards can be very very helpful. I don’t know how Megan presented the card to her server since it was just a photo that someone emailed me. If Megan looked over the menu and made some basic decisions of what she thought she may be able to eat and then asked more specifics about the ingredients, that’s great. A lot of times though, I have had customers sit down and tell me “I’m allergic to this, this, this and this. So what can I have?” It’s not my job to create a dish from scratch for someone based on what they can’t eat. It’s the customer’s job to work with me to look at the menu and decide what can be altered. Big difference, right?

Rusty said:Hits close to home. My adopted granddaughter has a ton of allergies and I’m in the hospitality biz. Our job is to take care of our guests. You people that are put out by this type of thing need to get out of the industry. You’re probably a shitty server anyway.

Rusty, I feel for your granddaughter, I really do. And I understand that allergies are a serious issue for a lot of people. Nobody wants their customer to die because of an errant peanut making its way onto a plate. I am pretty sure that when you send your customer into anaphylactic shock, your tip suffers greatly. Keep in mind, Rusty, that most of the comments on the page are for venting purposes only. People are saying things that they know they could never get away with in real life and the Facebook page is a confessional of sorts to let loose with your worst possible thought knowing that it’s “just a Facebook comment.”

Ted said:As a Chef I love it…food allergies are extremely dangerous and not to be joked about.

I suppose it all depends on what type of kitchen Megan is giving this card to. If the kitchen is helmed by an actual chef like Ted, he can use the card as a guide to create a wonderful tasty dish for her. If she’s giving the card to a cook named Juan who works at a Chili’s, she might be in some major danger.

The last comment I want to respond to is actually a series of messages that someone sent me. I shall refer to her as Vagina. She sent me several picture of her red, bloated and swollen children. They looked that way because of an allergy and not just because of unfortunate genes that came from Vagina’s vagina. She wanted me to remove the image of Megan’s allergy card, but I didn’t and I won’t. In the six years I have been running this page, I very seldom have felt the need to remove something. It’s not that I don’t care; it’s that I feel there are thousands and thousands of other images on the Internet that are far more offensive than this silly little meme. Here is a screenshot of our conversation.

We get it. I’m an asshole.

I guess at some point today I am going to be “exposed” by Vagina, but I don’t really know what that means. If she’s trying to decipher where the image came from, it came came from me, The Bitchy Waiter. I did it. There, I exposed myself. (It’s cold, so don’t judge me.) And in two days, no one will even remember this allergy brouhaha.

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74 thoughts on “A Comment on Comments, the Allergy Edition”

This über concern about a meme is ridiculous. Like my mother used to say about concerned parents for too much violence on TV…”If you don’t like it, then don’t watch it”. I agree that people with food allergies should simply read the menu, than ask the server questions about dishes that appear to be safe. I had regulars who had an extremely allergic child. Much like the person above, with a list of allergies. She would ask me questions about the dish she had chosen, we made a few modifications and “voila”…an allergen free dish. Giving me a list and expecting me to go through each an every item to tell you what you can or can’t have is annoying and time consuming. Because as soon as you start, you get this…

How about this chicken entree?

Well I don’t really want chicken today.

Well how about the soup?

It’s too hot for soup.

And the declinations go on and on. Why don’t you do the work yourself and narrow things down a bit. It’s like those people who have you describe umpteen different dishes, only to order the house salad on a menu of 150 different entrees.

I’m a server. I have allergies. I go out to eat with my family, who has even more allergies than I do. What do we do? Order things that we KNOW will be safe (it’s easy to ask simple questions, and order things like a steak, that have minimal ingredients). I work at a diner, and always suggest the gluten-free crowd order breakfast, because, well, eggs and bacon are what they are. Keep it simple and you shouldn’t have any problems.

These allergy people are turning their anger at the wrong person. They need to be going after the people that DON’T have allergies but say they do to avoid things like cilantro. Also, it is the person with the allergies that needs to do the work themselves to figure out what they can eat. Ask questions? Sure. Spout off your allergies then ask the waiter or chef to take the responsibility of figuring out your special meal? No.

I work as a chef and one of our regulars is “allergic” to dairy. So we have to create something for her that she will eat. about 1/2 the time her favorite dessert is a big bowl of whipped cream with a few berries sprinkled on top. We try to explain to her that whipped cream IS dairy but she has a hissy fit and insists on eating it. She hasn’t complained we poisoned her yet, lol.

I don’t mind when people have those cards it saves time and I can give it to the chef and take care of the guest. This lady is a little over emotional to say the least. No need for the rudeness, perhaps if you feel this way eat at home . Have a great day.

Bitchy, your comment about how the card is presented is key. I waited tables for many years and then oddly right about the time I quit and moved on to boring office life, I was cursed with several food allergies. So, I totally understand both sides. My approach when I go out now is to very politely tell the server that I am, actually, allergic to [insert food items] and that they will make very sick. However, before I get to that I have already scanned the menu and picked out a couple of things I think might be ok and narrow it down to that. Handing a card to a server and making them do the work of picking something out for you is pretty obnoxious. The person with the allergy definitely has a responsibility to figure out what they might be able to eat before opening up a conversation with their server about it (and they won’t hate you as much).

I don’t understand why you would need to take it down. your wording is more offensive (the snowflake comment) than the card itself. I don’t have allergies, I do deal with a lot of people that do. I don’t think people should take offense its your page if they don’t like it don’t read it.

My mother has used a card like this once. We traveled to Mexico and I had created a card for her with the items she can’t have, but written in Spanish and with the caution that she could end up in the hospital if she had them. In addition, we picked up some items she could have from the Mexican Wal-Mart as a back up. She was well prepared to forgo eating at a restaurant if it was necessary. The card did come in handy. At the places did go to, they were very accommodating. The waiter handed the card to the manager who spoke to the chefs. At one place, the chef even created something just for her to eat. The family joke is still that of all the places for someone who cannot eat onions, we go to Mexico (ok, Cancun, but we didn’t expect to be catered to).

That being said, this is the only time she will use a card like this. Both she and I think that this card is rude, except where there is a difference in language in another country. She will pick something, ask if there are any hidden onions, then change her order if there is (she would never ask if the item clearly states that there are onions). Just handing off the card and expecting to be told what they can and cannot have is just obnoxious.

In that circumstance, it is completely understandable. The language barrier could have endangered your mom otherwise. I like it that y’all also got some back up food just in case they refused to work with the restrictions. As a server, I’d work my ass off for your table.

What irritates me is the flippancy in allergies; it’s getting very difficult to tell between the “fakers” and the actually allergic anymore. “I’d like a slice of the key lime.” Okay, done. “Oh, does this have nuts in it? I’m allergic.” “Let me take this back. What kind of nuts are you allergic to?” “All nuts.” … Um. I once had a table tell me about their kid’s deadly allergy 10 minutes AFTER they had ordered an entire table’s worth of dishes, all of which contained the infracting ingredients. We had to start over in the kitchen, and I told them as much. Then they complained about the wait. As servers, we think we can sniff out the fakers, but anymore, I have no idea.

I find it so amusing how viciously upset people get over your page. It’s like they want to get incensed. And I completely understand that. This morning I stood and watched people at Starbucks being dicks, throwing napkins and straw wrappers all over the counter, spilling soy milk all over the goddamned place, standing in front of the hot cup shield things and not moving to make way for other people picking up their drinks…I loved hating those people. For a few brief moments, while i waited for my tall quad cap, I was righteous, I was one of the good ones. Yes, we all have that impulse. But I kept it to myself! I didn’t walk up to those slobs and say YOU SHOULD DIE YOU SCUM, SOMEONE HAS TO PICK UP AFTER YOU, YOU DISGUSTING SELFISH DAY RUINER!

So these allergy sensitive people should really be venting their anger towards the food companies that won’t tell us what’s in the food that we are eating –not at a restaurant no..at your supermarket. Think about it…peanut allergies? There was not one kid when I was growing up with a peanut allergy. Not to say it’s not a serious condition but take some time and think about it… We are going to find out soon that the genetically modified foods that we have been unknowingly ingesting all these years have led to our demise into food allergy hell. Save your vitriol for Monsanto and the FDA. Go ahead google Monsanto—and start spewing at them. Seriously.

Actually, it’s much more likely that the recent increase in allergies has to do with our society’s need to disinfect absolutely everything we touch. Allergies are your immune system reacting to a usually harmless substance as if it were a threat. When the immune system is fighting actual threats, it is less likely to get “bored” and react to things like peanuts. Genetically modified foods, on the other hand, have made it possible to feed BILLIONS more people on this much-too-populous planet than we could otherwise, since organic crops yield much less food. (And even then, millions of people are starving).

Wow, this Vagina lady is something else… I shall now refer to her as Cunt because I feel it’s more suited to her. Anyways, I hate people like Cunt. Getting mad at Bitchy Waiter because her child has an allergy? So she took it personally and decided that she should send him pictures of said child with allergy. My question to Cunt is, if your child’s reaction was that bad, why were you taking pictures of him and not taking him to the hospital? Hmm… Anyway, people get so worked up about allergies. Yes, they are serious, yes I think these cards are great to have a written account to give the chef so he doesn’t have to memorize it BUT they are not to be just thrown to your waitress with the expectation that she is a doctor. I tell people that I am not a doctor and refuse to put them in danger when they try to pull that. You’re taking your life in your own hands if you expect the restaurant staff to tell you what you can and can’t eat. Read the damn menu and ask questions and hand them your card if you have a long allergen list. Especially if your reaction is anaphylactic, you should take extra care with what you consume and try to pick it for yourself. Bitchy Waiter was not personally attacking people with allergies, just ones that act like douche bags about their allergies. Cunt needs to calm down, nobody’s feeding your semen demon peanuts or whatever the hell he’s allergic to. If anything, I think Bitchy Waiter brought awareness to people that have food allergies. Oh, and by the way, if you just don’t like something and tell your waiter you’re allergic to it, you are a piece of shit. That is all. Rant over.

If one of my children were swollen from exposure to something that very well could kill them, snapping a photo would be the last thing on my to do list. Seeking medical attention or running for the epi-pen followed by not leaving their side until all symptoms clear should be the priority of any responsible adult. Fuck this lady for using her children for petty ass Facebook arguments.

Another thing, why are you sending these photos, depicting your baby in his vulnerable state, to STRANGERS?!

And you win internet parent of the day for your comment. I mean that sincerely. The LAST thing I would do is snap a pic’ of my kid in pain, nor would I dream of showing it to anyone unless I needed it for the doctor. This is a point I never saw made through all the discussion and it’s brilliant. Thank you.

Actually, a lot of people have photos of their kids in the middle of an allergy reaction at the request of their doctors. Especially for younger children, a lot of parents run to the doctor claiming allergy and describe some sort of rash only to have it not actually be an allergy. Having a photo of what happened when they ate/came in contact with something to show the doctor helps with diagnosis and chronicling illness.

I thought the same thing. She used her child like a prop piece; if she were actually concerned with her kid’s welfare, she wouldn’t be sending his picture to strangers on the internet to justify her internet arguments. I suspect that picture exists because she sent it to the restaurant involved to get some gift certificates or something.

I’ve worked in a lot of restaurants. Almost all of the cooks I have known are Hispanic. They’re also generally pretty cool guys. The cooks that I worked with at my first job taught me how to swear in Spanish.

This is an interesting topic. I am a Chef I deal with customers alergins all the time. Whether made up or not, It’s part of the job… Now I have received one of these cards to the kitchen once. As a chef that makes everything from scratch, I know what was in everything and it was no problem to take components from several dishes and build something unique the that guest. They became regular customers ! Now I have also seen the kitchens where so many items are brought in… And most of the time the staff have no idea what these products are in- on the menu. So I guess that this card can help the cook match words up on the back of the box to see if the customer can eat that product. It’s a very real danger that even some kitchen staff aren’t aware of the alergins in the food. Especially if they haven’t been diligent with the brought in products that are added to the dish.

I would just like to point out to Vagina that she is dumb, based on her own comments”at 2 months old with a dairy and peanut allergy” … You aren’t supposed to give babies peanuts or dairy until after ONE YEAR!!! She probably helped her children develope the allergies!!! Who gives a 2 month old peanuts???

It wasn’t the existence of allergies everyone was making fun of. That thing was clearly a list of things little Megan didn’t like. Maybe she is, in fact lactose intolerant and also can’t eat corn or shellfish. That isn’t so out of the ordinary that a decent kitchen and server couldn’t figure out how to deal with. It was the fact that she put “Crab,” “Cranberries.” Vanilla.” “Any type of bean.” “Coffee Beans.” I’m not a doctor, and I’m sure somewhere out there in the universe someone is allergic to cranberries or vanilla or beans(?). But, she doesn’t seem like she even knows enough about her own dietary restrictions to warrant that kind of ridiculousness. For example, if she were allergic to beans, as in legumes she wouldn’t also list coffee beans is a bean, because IT IS NOT A LEGUME. She didn’t say caffeine, she didn’t say coffee. She’s using a couple of legit allergies she probably does have to make sure she never has to see, smell, or taste anything that isn’t pleasing to her. Honestly, she’s probably more than a little OCD and thinks all these allergies actually exist, when in reality, she is just a pathological picky eater. Keep it up, ignore the haters. I love you, Bitchy Waiter.

That’s what I was thinking! If people want their allergies to be taken seriously, and as a server, I do. I’m very careful, they need to stop making things up! Maybe they are allergic to both coffee and legumes, but I doubt that, and it’s not because they both are beans, because code is not a “bean.” I once had a woman tell me that she was allergic to berries. Berries? Yes, strawberries, blackberries blueberries raspberries, all of those. Soooo small fruit? Because those thing are mostly just called berries because of their size. They share no special compound. But you can’t say that, you could anger them, they would complain, and you could be fired. But you do judge them, and you do mock them behind their back. This is our right.

Yes! It never fails to amaze me how often people outright lie about allergies. I had some woman last week try to tell me she was allergic to soy, wheat, dextrose, sucrose, nuts, and oil…all oil. What??! Sure you are lady. If you have an intolerance, if you are following a diet, if you just don’t like eating something…that’s FINE. Just please don’t tell me you’re allergic if you’re not because there’s a huge difference between “I could die if I eat this” and “This gives me gas”.

so….the allergy police are going to expose you to a Vagina? That sounds awful. Loved the “sweet dreams” response. I can almost see the apoplectic vagigina frothing at the mouth…as always, thanks for the giggles. Keep up the good work!

I had a lady order her daughter a sandwich with two types of pesto on it. Then when it got to the table was angry with me that there were pine nuts in it because her child is allergic. Obviously I am not a mind reader and don’t know that your child has an allergy unless you tell me ahead of time. I would have promptly mentioned that pesto contains nuts and she should not eat that. And as a parent why wouldn’t you already know what kinds of foods your child can not eat? People need to be more responsible for their own welfare instead of leaving it in the hands of the employees at a restaurant. And those little cards are obnoxious. Figure out what on the menu won’t kill you and order it and mention you have allergies to something you do not want on or around it.

I was a server for 12 years. I always approached the kitchen with an immense feeling of dread when I had to present one of these cards to my Chef, who would promptly roll his eyes and sigh. While this isn’t an action I’m condoning, I understand it. Frankly it comes down to the entitlement factor of these cards more than anything. “I’m allergic to blah blah blah, accommodate ME!”. Seriously?!
All these entitled breeder “parents” who are mad at Bitchy for posting this need to re-direct their anger, to the food and pesticide companies, like MONSANTO…WHO ARE POISONING OUR FOOD. There is a reason our Grandparents didn’t have food allergies at the alarming rates we do today. Stop blaming Obama for everything, put down your guns, vaccinate your children, go organic, and wake the fuck up!

I am a server with a food allergy(soy- it’s in everything). I know what I can and can’t have and will only occasionally ask if there is a soy free salad dressing, like oil and vinegar, available. I pick out something I already know I can have and then ask them to omit any mayo/aioli/remoulade and cooking sprays because I’m allergic to soy. Meat and vegetables is not that hard people. Most allergy sufferers can have meat and vegetables. Also, Monsanto is evil. 🙂

I’m a little disappointed in you easing off this one…. I read these because you voice what 95% of us are thinking. I didn’t read all the comments because that’s like me bitching to customers. When you write this, you are the one sitting at the bar bitching. It’s your turn. And if someone is allergic to that many things, they need to make concessions, not expect the rest of the world to. Sorry, not sorry

1) If I had that many allergies, I wouldn’t feel safe eating anything I didn’t prepare.
2) I think Jen is right that a lot of the “allergies” on that card are dislikes.
3) Jersey Girl nailed it. I’m not that old (30) and when I was in kindergarten there was ONE kid in my class (30ish kids) with an egg allergy. That was it! And it wasn’t even severe. So…what’s changed?
4) One of my good friends is DEATHLY allergic to all nuts and shellfish. When we go to dinner, he doesn’t make a scene about it. He mostly eats steak because, as someone else mentioned, it’s easy to know how it’s prepared.

I am a nurse and the saying is that if someone claims to be allergic to more than 3 things it usually means they are just fucking crazy. It basically almost physiologically impossible to have more than 3 allergies. You would be living in a bubble.

On a recent Delta flight I took from NYC to Atlanta, it was announced that no one could have peanuts due to one of the passengers being allergic. So when the flight attendants came by with drinks, we were offered only cookies or pretzels. No peanuts for anyone on the entire airplane!

Yes, it would be an inconvenience, nobody’s allowed peanuts because one person is allergic? Can’t they just give pretzels or cookies to that one person or their row if they are deathly allergic? Have a separate flight attendant deliver his pretzels and cookies so she’s not touching the peanuts? I for one need salt because I have orthostasis and I have bad teeth so pretzels are out of the question unless I want to loose another molar tooth. But would I make a scene about it? No, I agree precautions should be taken but to deny everybody else peanuts because of one person? Unless they can’t even be in the same air space with peanut shells, that doesn’t make sense. I could understand the airline covering their ass, but that’s about it.

I always review a menu carefully, never take my kid to a restaurant that serves peanut in any of their dishes, courteously notify my server about the allergy, and tip handsomely. We do not eat out often, but allergic kids like to go out, too, and I agree it is incumbent on me, not the server, to figure out what my kid can and cannot eat.

I worked as a server for several years, and then decided I had had enough and starting teaching English abroad, a bit in Korea and a bit in France. From my experience traveling, I can tell you honestly that I have never met a non-American who had a food allergy. Also, when I tell non-American friends about these types of allergies, they have never heard of it and think it’s insane. So this leads me to believe that most food allergies are an American construct.
Sure, shellfish allergies, maybe even peanut allergies are real. But, come on… In general, in other countries, you can’t even ask to have things removed because for the most part, the waiters and the cooks do not give a single fuck. They would say, no order something else, or they would be visibly pissed that you even had such a nitpicky request. Oh, and if you were upset about not getting your way, well guess what, you can leave because the servers get paid salaries in other countries, and the management doesn’t want to deal with your bullshit. This “several allergies” thing is just another way that psychotic Americans can feel special and order a poor server to do exactly what they want knowing they can withhold a tip if it doesn’t go perfectly.

Our special little snowflake is almost certainly European based on her spelling (yoghurt). From my experience in UK restaurants, food allergies, both real and imagined, are just as prevalent as they are back home in the US. They use just as much GMOs and TONS of aspartame in everything! I’ve become an epic label reader since moving here.

You must be living under a rock. Food allergies are prevalent in England, Australia, Canada and a number of other countries. And people DIE from eating those “other foods” besides nut and shellfish. Easy to criticize until it happens to someone you love.

Ah, THERE are the whiny aller-moms. I’m surprised it took them so long to drag their carcasses in here to cry about the big bad Bitchy.

I shall name them Pussy and Slit. They can be friends with Vagina and sit around lowing about which of their special snowflake children has it the worst, using their poor children like gambling chips in their twisted poker game of “I’m the Most Special-ist.”

Things like this make me not want to eat out every again. I have several food allergies. When i go out i take it upon myself to try to figure out what i can eat, then ask the server questions to be sure its safe. I understand it’s my responsibility to deal with something that is my problem.

But the way you people act, anyone with an allergy should stay home and never eat out again. I already feel badly for the inconvenience to others, but you people do not have a single fucking shred of compassion for others.

I honestly hope you all develop inconvenient medical disorders that people then judge you for and treat you like shit over. Just so you can learn some empathy for others.