Wednesday, July 06, 2016

Giving a lesson in how to live

Nine years ago, I met some of my family at the airport and
took to the skies to get to Madison, Wisconsin. The occasion was my aunt
Alice’s wedding to Dave Siewert. The wedding was outdoors in the summer.
Despite it being one of the hottest days of the year, it was a breezy and
pleasant afternoon and everyone had a great time.

Because they lived far away, we didn’t get to see Alice and
Dave very often, so whenever they were in town it was a special event. When
they were visiting for the holidays, a group of us met in midtown Manhattan the
day after Christmas so Alice could take Dave to a Broadway show. Normally I
avoid the heavily tourist parts of midtown like the plague, and even more so
around the holidays, but my Aunt Alice is no ordinary visitor, and this is
where she wanted to take Dave.

A few years ago Dave was diagnosed with esophageal cancer
and not given more than a few months to live. It was a raw deal by any measure.
He and Alice had already had their share of medical woes together including
heart disease and a previous bout with cancer.

He lived years longer than his doctors expected, and he didn’t waste a minute of time. Dave
refused to let his diagnosis define his life other than to spur him on to live
more of it. He and Alice headed west and went on some epic road adventures.

Family and friends followed Alice and Dave’s adventures through
social media. They posted their amazing photos of the places they visited and
Alice wrote wonderful accounts of their time together. The last time I saw him,
which was, sadly, at a family funeral, he appeared in good
spirits. He had grown his hair out long. Doctors had told him his hair would
fall out from the chemotherapy but it hadn’t yet.

The medical news didn’t get better. There were multiple
setbacks with treatments that didn’t work or that had to be stopped. But Alice
and Dave continued to travel and enjoy the beauty of the American West. They
would take a weeklong trip and then be back for treatment before hitting the
road again.

This past weekend, family scrambled to get flights to
Madison, Wisconsin for Dave’s memorial service. The family
tracked his health through Alice and when it looked like things were nearing an
end, some of my aunts caught the first flights they could to be there.

While he had been in deteriorating health, Dave never
stopped living. He was getting out and about and riding his bike whenever he
could. He faced death with a grace, dignity and determination that serves as a
great example to the rest of us.

It is easy to talk about death and the brave ways you want
to face it. We often think of it in terms of facing a violent threat or
hurtling headlong to a dramatic end. It’s impossible to know how we’re going to
really face death, because it usually confronts us in a quiet doctor’s office
or in front of people who know us and all our faults and frailties.

Dave showed us that even though we can’t control when and
how we will die, our end can be one of our own making if we have the courage to
do so.

I count among my many good fortunes having a strong family
that is fast to mobilize for one another in times of need. Dave has kept us to
a very high standard and demonstrated how to live life with unlimited strength.
With his love of life and ability to face death with unimaginable courage, Dave
Siewert made my family better, and we owe him a debt of gratitude.

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About Me

I write a column called 'Notes from a Polite New Yorker' as well as short stories and poems. My column appears monthly in Kotori Magazine and my writing has appeared in GetUnderground.com, Knot Magazine, The Black Table, Too Square, and other web sites and print publications.