GLENDALE, Ariz. – It’s almost comical that the Penguins, of all teams, find themselves boxed in by the collective bargaining agreement that was allegedly crafted for the benefit of small-market, low-revenue franchises such as Pittsburgh, but instead, and in fact, discriminates against every hockey team and operation in the NHL.

Jordan Staal, the brilliant center who was selected second overall in the June Entry Draft and won’t turn 19 until September, was scheduled to play his ninth game of the year last night. If he plays one more, the clock begins to tick on salary arbitration and free-agent eligibility while ticking off a season of his three-year entry-level contract.

As of yesterday, Pittsburgh GM Ray Shero wasn’t saying whether the Penguins would stay the course with Staal, who scored four times in his first eight games while getting 12:45 of ice per (with three shorthanded goals) or whether they’d stop the clock for a season by returning him to Peterborough of the OHL.

Gifted and re-gifted four straight years with either the first or second selection in the Entry Draft, which they used to pick Marc-Andre Fleury, Evgeni Malkin, Sidney Crosby and Staal, the Penguins are going to be hammered not only by the application of salary arbitration and free-agency rights, but by the cap itself once each of the latter three gets his 20-percent max deal. In checkers it’s jump and double-jump; in the NHL, it’s cap and triple cap.

Slap Shots may have had trouble with trigonometry, but even we’re smart enough to be able to calculate that it will be impossible for Pittsburgh to construct even the semblance of a complete team if the Penguins wind up paying 60 percent of the cap to max contracts going to Crosby, Malkin and Staal, either through arbitration or to keep them from defecting as 25-year-old unrestricted free agents.

The old way, if amended to include the kind of payroll tax and revenue sharing under which Major League Baseball has thrived in unprecedented fashion without any cap whatsoever, would have allowed the Penguins to keep Crosby, Malkin and Staal for 12 or 13 seasons apiece, not seven. They would have been able to spend without restriction on support and character players. Now, if they choose to keep the Three Musketeers, they’ll be surrounded by minimum-wage guys.

There’s this consideration, too. Including all attainable bonuses, the Penguins’ 2006-07 payroll projects to slightly over $36 million, which is this year’s midpoint on the cap. If the Penguins finish above $36 million, they will be ineligible for the second round of revenue sharing in which excess escrow is divvied up among qualifying franchises. That could amount to $4 million-$5 million a club. Including bonuses, the Penguins are being cap-charged $2.2 million on Staal. Sending him back essentially guarantees the club will stay under the midpoint.

The CBA was supposed to reward the small-market fans. (Really, it was meant to enrich the owners, no more and no less, but we’ve been over that before once or twice.) Isn’t it ironic that the CBA will be the reason the Pittsburgh fans will be deprived of seeing Staal, if the decision is, in fact, to return him to junior.

Some guys play for money and some guys play for the love of the game, which brings us to Mike Keane, who, at the age of 39, continues to play for the AHL Manitoba Moose.

Keane, a three-time Cup winner with Montreal, Colorado and Dallas, hasn’t been in the NHL since 2003-04. He’s working on an AHL contract under which he’s earning less than $100,000. But he’s playing, and playing well, having recorded five points (3-2) in his first nine games.

In New York in 1997-98, Keane seemed to be a disinterested mercenary, just like so many of the free agents who, uh, checked in during the Lost Years. Funny how almost a decade later, nothing could be further from the truth.

He’s a player who wants to play the game, period. He’s a player who enjoys teaching. The NHL is all about speed now. But if the league is looking for a minimum-wage bargain, there’s one available in Manitoba.

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Is it outlandish to suggest that Vancouver – which isn’t nearly good enough even with Roberto Luongo in nets – will try everything possible within cap constraints to acquire Peter Forsberg from the Flyers in order to unite him with Markus Naslund, if the Philadelphia situation doesn’t improve dramatically?

Here’s an idea. Maybe the Flyers would like Ryan Kesler as part of the package in return.