When you’re trying hard and getting nowhere

Let’s talk about getting, having and keeping the things you want in life and about timing and things working out. About the times when you are trying hard and getting nowhere. Sometimes you can be pushing hard to get something you want, and it’s just not the time or the place for it to happen.

Trust me, I feel like the queen of butting my head against the wall. This is a subject close to my own heart. Take for example the first house we went to contract on late last year. I wanted that house. I was pushing hard to get that house. That house did not want me as its owner, silly thing, because nothing I tried, no advancement I made, was ever enough.

Right dream, wrong place and the wrong time.

So we went back to the market. We shopped around and viewed houses between town and the beach, big and small, old and new. Then we found the one. My one. The one we live in now. A fresh coat of paint, some small changes and it’s home. It’s easily my favourite house I’ve ever lived in, it’s perfect.

Right dream, right place and the right time.

And it went through the process smoothly. We were in the zone so to speak. You’ve heard of people speak about the zone before right? In the flow? Well, when I stopped forcing something so hard I found a place that was better. And if that isn’t a lesson in patience when it comes to getting what you want, I don’t know what is.

So take a look at the things that are going on for you right now. Is there something that may just be taking more energy and effort to keep afloat than it is worth? I’m not saying give up on something because it got hard. Not at all. Some of the best things you can get for yourself in life come about in those days after other people would have given up.

I’m talking about things that just don’t feel right. If things keep going wrong. If you find obstacle after obstacle in your way. If the things you are trying to do never seems to progress. Then you need to take stock. Maybe the timing isn’t right. Maybe you’re in the wrong place and time in your life.

Maybe you’re just pushing shit up hill.

And if that’s the case, if that’s exactly what is happening, you need to step back. Give your dream some space and stop holding on so tight. Maybe things will work out and maybe they won’t. But when you’ve been doing the same thing for so long and getting nowhere it’s time to change things up.

What I do in moments like this is talk it out with someone I trust. I either get clear why I want it so much and find another way, or I realise that the opportunity has slipped away from me and I hadn’t noticed. Sometimes, as the old saying goes, we can’t see the forest for the trees. Step back. Talk it out. Get a clear view.

And one day, if you keep pointing yourself in the right direction (forward is the right direction FYI) you will end up right where you wanted to be. And it’ll probably contain some effort, and you will have tried to quit many times but in the end when you get there, when life looks how you want it to look, you will be amazed.

I feel it is a hard balance between knowing when to give up and when the hats work will pay off. I don’t give up early so this one is tricky for me.

Melissa Walker Horn

It’s true. For me it takes a while too. Lots of people had told me to give up on that first house for months before I did. In the end, I let it go a little, decided to see if there was another way, another option and kept it in the back of of mind. I think that’s it, you need to be open to alternatives, especially when you’ve been standing in the one place for a while.

I love this article, Melissa. You’ve perfectly describe what I call – bashing your head against a brick wall. The harder you try, the more it doesn’t achieve anything. Except you get a mother of a headache to deal with.