And I’m going to be FAMOUS and media reporters will be lined up all the way down the street till the corner where all the hookers stand, just to have a quick interview with me. But until then . . . I’m filling out this questionnaire from some girl named [*insert credit name here*] to mark what will be the beginning of something fabulous . . . and because it’s MY blog and I can be a vanity stricken whore if I choose to.

How would you describe your look? Comfortable Casual with street edge and a hint of high end designer.

If you could come back as a dress, what would it be? I would say the classic Mondrian (belted though ;p) by Yves Saint Laurent but I`m feeling trashy, so I would sport Versace`s high slit safety pinned dress made famous by celebrity reject, Elizabeth Hurley.

If you could come back as a model, who would it be? Janice Dickinson. Bitch has been around the block and into the crack alleys so many times, she probably has some good stories to tell or maybe even show!

First designer item ever bought? A Louis Vuitton Damier Geronimo bag that has been literally used once or twice, but cost me all my lunch money in high school.

Junk food? I’m a complete sucker for fries & potato chips. They are literally my saturated and fatty guilty pleasure. I would trade in one of my Louis Vuitton Bags LIMBS for a serving of fries if it was my last meal on earth.

What are you most vain about? I would like to believe that I`m quite the modest person, but who the fuck am I kidding. . . I love every designer piece I own. From my Gucci sneakers to the countless designer sunglasses to my underwear, I am one huge LABEL WHORE.

What are you most shy about? My body. I`m extremely self conscious about my self body image and always will be.

If you could come back with someone else’s body, whose would it be? Gisele Bundchen, only because I can make a whole lot of $$$$ with that multi-million dollar insured body of mines.

Who are your fantasy dinner-party guests? David and Victoria Beckham for aesthetics, Anderson Cooper for intelligence (and aesthetics too), Ellen Degeneres for constant laughter and Paris Hilton for just some plain dumb blondeness.

Fantasy celebrity one-night stand? Jenna Jamieson. Who else could you learn professional WHORE-ISM than this chick right?

Favorite place to have a drink? Outside on a patio or anywhere with a scenic & gorgeous view.

Underwear? I live for my Calvins. So nothing but Calvin Klein Steels in every colour, shape and embellishment possible (yes, I even have the Swarovski ones).

What can’t you travel without? My Blackberry.

Last book you read?I Know This Much Is True – By Wally Lamb

At age seven, you wanted to be . . .A Geisha A popstar.

What will you always find in your bedroom? Fresh cut flowers by the desk. ALWAYS.

What’s the thing you find easiest to forgive? Stepping on my toe at the club, but If you scuff my shoe, you’ll probably end up with a bloody scuff across your face.

What’s the thing you find impossible to forgive? This cunt from high school who attempted to ruin my life and the lives of the ones I love. That skank can buy me all the Birkins and Maserati’s I deeply desire in this world, but I would still throw liquid nitrogen in her face just for fun.

Biggest self-indulgence? Fries & designer hand bags, just not at the same time and near each other.

Whose diary would you most like to read? Anna Wintour’s. Just to be able to hold that most likely exotic skinned diary BIBLE of hers in my hands would be glorious enough for me to die happy.

Least favorite food? Steak. I’m not a huge advocate of thick slabs of protein on a plate as a meal. Never enjoyed it and never will.

If you were an inventor, what would you invent? An UNSEND button on cell phones, Blackberrys, emails, etc.

Who are your favourite furniture designers? Besides from everyone’s favourite budget furniture place, IKEA, if I was filthy rich and owned a place, I would have it entirely furnished from KOOLHAUS.

What was your childhood nickname? Besides horrible play ground name calling like “Fat Boy” or “Chubbie”, my actual childhood name my parents call me, even till this day is “Ty”.

When and where are you happiest? Besides from shopping at your favourite store when theres a huge sale going on, I literally enjoy being with the ones I love doing absolutely nothing but lounge around and spending quality time together.

What piece of art would you most like to own? Something retro and fun from Stephen Sprouse.

What are your favourite vacation spots? I have yet to finalize a favourite vacation spot because I haven’t had a chance to leave Canadian grounds, but my dream vacation spots are definitely New York City, London, & Paris.

Most treasured possession? My big, bleached, stark-white teddy bear I had since I was born.

I really hate prom season only because it reminds of that TRAGIC, ill-fitting and boxed suit I wore to my graduation. Just the thought of that suit or even when I depressingly flip through old photo albums and come across photographs of me in it . . . makes me gag in agony and frantically want to rip every single page out of the album!

If only I could go back to Prom again, my date and I would look a lot more couture and a lot less haute mess. But then again, there’ll be a scrap between us to decide who gets to wear the tiara and BITCH, I ain’t talking about no diamonelle crap from Claire’s, I want a full blown 500 diamonds, 10 carat MIKIMOTO crown that would put any Miss Universe crown to shame! Mmmmmmmhuh.

Ladies take note: Short, silk and flowy a-line dresses with minimal embellishment is extremely cute and definitely prom ready. It's almost summer so leave the floor length ball gown for winter. Purchase a dress that you will wear again in the future not one that you'll wear once and then store away to never see the light of day ever again, a timeless piece is forever (unless you gain 50lbs in freshman year, then life as you know it, is probably over). Wear comfortable shoes and please wear heels you can walk in, PLEASE! The last thing you would want is to look like you were born just yesterday and learned how to walk today!

For the Gents: A tailored suit or tux is the way to go. Every real man needs to have that one perfect fitted SUIT, so it's probably a good time to invest in a good quality and structured suit now. A black or a dark charcoal suit goes with EVERYTHING, you can't do no wrong! Alternate tie and dress shirt colours for a constant updated fresh look. And lord forbid you to wear those tacky chunky square toe Steve Madden shoes too!

So girls, I hoped you refrained yourself from wearing those cheap polyester rayon and tacky fairy tale glitter bombed kind of dresses because you will regret it! . . . and of course, if you’re the class whore, I hope your wearing panties and God forbid they better be seamless because panty lines are a ATROCIOUS, especially when your vacuumed in that trashy red strapless number that is OBVIOUSLY two sizes too small for you! Also, all you boys best not be going for the guido or chachi look! DON’T YOU DARE pop that dress shirt collar up or pop it over on-top of your jacket blazer! If any guy sports that Ed Hardy kind of crap at prom too. . . Good Lord, I hope you don’t graduate!

. . . if only he had two front teeth, didn’t reek of stale cat urine or didn’t have the screaming look of disease and STD, I 'would' take it into consideration but I’m NOT loony or am I fucked up on blow. . . so dream on.

Anyways, I recently jumped on the TWITTER bandwagon and opened an account. Of course now people have another reason to hate on me and comment on how “I HAVE NO LIFE” . . . or at least STALK ME. So, come stalk me add and following me on Twitter. . . Hobo Joe would if he could.

Excuse me for my recent short-term hiatus in the material world. I was suffering from BROKEN HEART syndrome, which left me stuck in an emotional rut and looking like a battered post-operative, cosmetic plastic surgery patient; chapped dry lips, puffy blood-shot red eyes to the swollen Rudolph-the-reindeer-like nose all caused by the constant sobbing. But best of all of course is the intense rail-thin body, which could make any supermodel jealous that I have achieved by barely functioning on an empty stomach for the past four days.

I practically clutch onto my Gucci for dear life every night because it holds the sleeping pills I depend on to help me sleep at night. I sleep my days away, in hopes it will speed up the healing process but it’s just a rude awakening when it’s over.

So, I’m turning to what I do best for emotional help . . . shopping. I might not be able to buy my relationship, but fucking hell I can sure purchase a new partner named Cesare Paciotti. The best part is, I know my new bought partner will NOT walk away from me this time, but instead . . . with me.

The Leo Awards Gala ― Vancouver’s pathetic attempt of a high-profile,so-called 'glamorous' and red-carpeted event recognizing British Columbia’s languishing‘thriving’ film and television industry. Therefore, with a so-called elegant evening in store, comes fashion just as equivalent.

For example, this poor girl lost her horse to miss her stop at Uncle Billy’s all you can eat buffet and rodeo house and ended up at the Gala instead. Seriously WTF. If you consider your Courtney Love circa pre-Kurt Cobain passing, an outfit suitable for a black-tie event, then please help me by nailing a pair of stilettos in both my eyes in hopes I go blind and not suffer by looking at that TRAGIC attempt to look elegant. But hey, there’s always a ninny galloping around at every award show and with boots like that, she's mastering it.

Agurhhhhh, I’m going for a cigarette so stay tuned to Oakridgestyle.com for my completely bubble gum rated PG report on fashion from the Leo’s.

I obviously have been sipping on wayyyyyy too much of that ‘Ego Booster Juice’ because I’m about to get overweight with narcissism! Plus, I just bought a pair of skinny Acne jeans in a 28, so the thought of the first digit of my jean size turning into a 3 makes me cringe in agony! Anyways, my unveiling as a Style Agent at Oakridge Centre for its 50th Anniversary yesterday was sort of . . . interesting? But in the best way possible of course! I’m EXTREMELY grateful for the friends that came out in support, especially my girl Leanna who booked the day off from work just to see me fierce down the crooked runway, watching me like Tyra Banks, proud of her top model spawn! xoxoAs I stood on stage with my three fellow Style Agents in silence with the awkwardly dressed photogs snapping pictures left and right of us while calling out our names, I thought to myself, “What the fuck, did I just get myself into?” . . . Only God knows because all I can think was I wish I was standing on my left side because it’s more photogenic! Anyways, so with the reveal done, I can finally get this Style Agent ‘job’ to action. First stop is The Leo Awards Gala this weekend. Fashion victims and offenders beware!

To be just close enough to smell the luscious leather from these Martin Margiela 'fuck me' boots, maybe being strangled silly isn’t so bad, especially when its doneoh sofashionably with a Burberry Prorsum necklace.