love – Juvenile Justice Information Exchangehttps://jjie.org
Juvenile Justice News for People Who Care About Children and the LawFri, 13 Sep 2019 18:36:55 +0000en-UShourly1https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.11These Four Faces Free Me From My Prison Wallshttps://jjie.org/2018/09/04/these-four-faces-free-me-from-my-prison-walls/
https://jjie.org/2018/09/04/these-four-faces-free-me-from-my-prison-walls/#commentsTue, 04 Sep 2018 13:00:49 +0000http://jjie.org/?p=774933I thought that I’d grown into a man knowing exactly what it meant to love someone from your heart. I thought that saying the words “I love you,” like the rest of the world, would be enough to exchange those core emotions with another human being that you’d become attracted to. But what do you […]

]]>I thought that I’d grown into a man knowing exactly what it meant to love someone from your heart. I thought that saying the words “I loveyou,” like the rest of the world, would be enough to exchange thosecore emotions with another human being that you’d become attracted to.

But what do you think? What is it to love if there’s no deepersignificance in just the three words I love you, alone? Does lovingsomeone or something enough set you internally and physically free?

For myself, it had come in the form of an ah-ha moment —in the forces of a woman and her three daughters that fell in lovewith me, despite the past wreckage of my life. Those forces created afreedom for me through these stone walls and wires of razor thatnothing up to this point in my life ever had. Forces that penetratedmy confinement and led me out of my own darkness and back into thelight.

These kinds of forces cannot be ignored. They drive youtowards perfection and the desire to be an even better person. I knowbecause I’m driven that way today.

Her name is Jamie. A mother of three spunky and beautifuldaughters. If you were to look into her eyes you wouldn’t see theafflictions or the sacrifices that she’s made for those she loves.But they’re there in every bit of strength and determination that’sbeen driving her to survive the cards life had dealt her.

I knew right away that I loved her and I knew that God had beenpreparing me for years to become a better man so that I would beworthy of her love. Nonetheless, it would take me a moment to feelthat I’d actually been so worthy.

Trust and the roller-coaster

Have you ever been driven by someone or something greaterthan just yourself? To want more in your life when you knew that itwas no longer just you counting on you? That’s what makes thestrongest fighters the best in the ring; that inner warrior becomesdriven by something greater than just his own self-pride, to be morethan his own expectations of oneself.

Loving Jamie and her children are no different. With her,I’m elevated by them to become an even better fighter; a champion.And it’s her own strength that I’d fallen in love with just the same.A strength that would eventually give me the freedom that I couldotherwise not find on my own.

The funny thing about finding your place in life with aperson is that you’ll go through a series of roller-coaster emotionsthat will test the validity of your love. How much can two peopleendure in such a short amount of time? Will they find excuses to giveup on each other? Can circumstances make the odds against them seem somuch more? Or, will they hold on to one another that much tighterbecause their love is bigger than the both of them? That was us, Jamieand I. Where God brought us together and all we had to do is trustin the process. Trust, trust and trust.

Because there I was, a man in prison serving a lifesentence. I’d spent much of my life being part of the grease in theaxle of this well-tuned machine of incarceration. I am, in fact, aconvict. Freedom for me was superficial in the sense that I soughtfreedom in the smallest of things, selfish things.

I’d walked away from being a prison gang member, earned two differentcollege degrees, became involved in all the right prison programs andself-help groups, but, how free was I really? At the end of the dayall the good things I’d been doing and all the now selfless acts I’dfound myself doing still felt selfish in the light that I had no oneto share them with.My focus had become to one day get out of prison, yet only for thesake that I was not going to grow old and die within these walls. Iguess I never thought about walking out of these gates and pretty muchhaving to face the world again all on my own.

Not until I got a tasteof what real freedom is. Them!

When someone loves you and refuses to give up on you, youbegin to search your soul for answers to those once blocked-outquestions you’ve long had for yourself. Who am I? I thought aboutthat the more she would praise me for the positive changes I’d madein my life.My being in prison became irrelevant. She, in fact, taught me howimportant it is to love myself deeper than I had been. The reflectionin the mirror today is a man I can honestly say I love. If that’s notwhat real freedom is, I don’t know what is.

Today I received another letter from my Jamie and herdaughters. We call them “our daughters” now — and the words “I loveyou dad” remind me what freedom to me means now. Freedom is the fourfaces staring back at me captured in the photographs upon my wall.

This is not my home. My home is with them. I am only inpassing within these walls. I will be free. I will.

Keith Erickson, first incarcerated at 14, was convicted of murder in 1993 and is now in Pleasant Valley State Prison in Coalinga, Calif.

The Beat Within, a publication of writing and art from incarcerated youth, was founded by David Inocencio in San Francisco in 1996. Weekly writing and conversation workshops are held in California, six other states and Washington, D.C. Submissions and new partners are welcomed. Write to him at dinocencio@thebeatwithin.org.

]]>https://jjie.org/2018/09/04/these-four-faces-free-me-from-my-prison-walls/feed/1After Falling in Love With Drugs, My Focus Is on My Daughtershttps://jjie.org/2018/07/16/after-falling-in-love-with-drugs-my-focus-is-on-my-daughters/
https://jjie.org/2018/07/16/after-falling-in-love-with-drugs-my-focus-is-on-my-daughters/#commentsMon, 16 Jul 2018 13:00:53 +0000http://jjie.org/?p=746515Ten years ago I met my wife. We were high school sweethearts. We fell in love fast. Our love was like electricity. We were together every day. Things between us were great. She was the best friend I had always wanted. We stayed together all through high school, graduated together and moved into a home together.

]]>Ten years ago I met my wife. We were high school sweethearts. We fell in love fast. Our love was like electricity. We were together every day. Things between us were great. She was the best friend I had always wanted. We stayed together all through high school, graduated together and moved into a home together.

At times we fought and argued with each other, but what normal relationship does not have that from time to time.

We found out she was pregnant with our first daughter and decided to get married. It was something we had talked about for a long time, and it was something I believed she truly wanted.

Soon after, we discovered she was pregnant with our second daughter. We were shocked and were not ready. At this point in time we were both severe drug addicts with opiates, mojo and all kinds of dope. She was with me through my mother’s death.

A few years later, we lost everything, our home, vehicles, jobs and thousands of dollars. The state threaten to take our kids away. We now have three daughters together.

We began to fall out of love with each other and began to love dope more. Heroin, meth and alcohol became drugs of choice.

Rehab fixed us for a little while, and my new job had money rolling in. I got us a new home and vehicle. Life was good until the drugs came back with a vengeance.

The night I felt I had gotten stabbed in the back finally came. My wife and I drank a lot of alcohol and did meth together one night. We began arguing and things got way out of hand. She began yelling and hitting me. My 4-year old-daughter, my princess, got in between us and my wife did not like the fact that our daughter was trying to stick up for me, so she punched her in the back of the head. When I saw my daughter laying on the ground, I snapped. I jumped up and started choking my wife. The woman I truly loved. I choked her.

The police were called and I was soon being arrested in front of my baby girls on aggravated domestic abuse and battery by strangulation charges. My daughters were all crying. It tore me up.

I never said anything to the police about what my wife had done to my daughter that night. I did my time in jail and then ended up here at the Odyssey House. I now have six months to do here. I have to complete this in order to get my girls back.

While being at this facility, I learned my wife left my children with her parents and is now sleeping with my best friend. This crushed me. Now my focus is on me and my girls. I need to complete this program and prove that I am the man I know I am to myself, my family and my daughters.

When I leave here I will be a new man and a better man, along with the skills to be the father my girls deserve. My focus has changed and I now know what I need to do.

I will always love my wife, but I cannot be with her anymore until she wants to be my true wife, if she even wants that. Either way I’ll be fine. She will always be the mother to my kids, but I cannot be in a relationship like this. This journey is for my girls and a learning and teaching experience for myself. My journey will end in peace, joy, happiness and success.

Chase Ducote, 25, is a participant in our writing workshops inside Odyssey House Louisiana, a nonprofit behavioral health care provider with an emphasis on addiction treatment in New Orleans. He began the program in April and is scheduled to be released in three to six months.

The Beat Within, a publication of writing and art from incarcerated youth, was founded by David Inocencio in San Francisco in 1996. Weekly writing and conversation workshops are held in California, six other states and Washington, D.C. Submissions and new partners are welcomed. Write to him at dinocencio@thebeatwithin.org.

]]>https://jjie.org/2018/07/16/after-falling-in-love-with-drugs-my-focus-is-on-my-daughters/feed/1The Ambassadors’ Deep Bench, The Mothers Behind a Winning Teamhttps://jjie.org/2011/06/16/ambassadors-deep-bench-mothers-behind-winning-team/
Thu, 16 Jun 2011 09:00:04 +0000http://jjie.org/?p=16433Stacey Strozier found her son lying in the street in a pool of blood. Sonya King prayed her baby wouldn’t get caught up with the wrong crowd. And Felecia Calhoun’s worried her son was a cocky kid who thought an education wasn’t all that important. The mothers of the L.E.A.D. Ambassadors — an Atlanta inner-city […]

]]>Stacey Strozier found her son lying in the street in a pool of blood.

Sonya King prayed her baby wouldn’t get caught up with the wrong crowd.

And Felecia Calhoun’s worried her son was a cocky kid who thought an education wasn’t all that important.

The mothers of the L.E.A.D. Ambassadors — an Atlanta inner-city baseball team that thrives of civic-minded goodness and specializes in sending its players to colleges on scholarships — all have a story to tell.

Having a story of adversity to tell is essentially a prerequisite of Ambassador founders, C.J. and Kelley Stewart. The Stewarts aren’t interested in the players who already have it made. They want to find raw talent in some of the most rundown, crime-ridden neighborhoods of Atlanta, develop that talent and along the way, teach responsibility, leadership and community.

“Lorenzo was not a bad guy, but if he didn’t find a better avenue, it could have been not so good for him,” said Sonya King, Lorenzo Woodward’s mother. “I’m old school; I try to keep him away from danger outside of the home. But this program gives him something positive to do, to look forward to. By staying busy, the influences of the street won’t entice him.

“This program has made him a better person. It’s giving him a direction and a purpose to do well not just in school, but in the community.”

Lorenzo knows the things his mom is saying are true. Probably, worse.

“Without L.E.A.D, it would be hard for me to stay on the right path,” said the rising senior at Atlanta’s Carver High School on the city’s south side. “My mom does everything for me by herself. But this team is a second family to me; they take care of me.”

Sonya is a waitress at Waffle House and works the night shift, “so we can have a roof, and food in our bellies,” Lorenzo said.

While providing what she could for Lorenzo and his brothers and sisters, she couldn’t be a 24-hour angel keeping 16-year-old Lorenzo safe and out of trouble. No mother can.

“I did things I regret doing in my community,” he said. “We’ve had some problems and it’s not always been safe. There have been shootings, burglaries, people fighting a lot.

“We’ve been victims of burglaries a lot. They happen every week. That’s what people in our old neighborhood are trained for. Almost every day I would see police out there locking people up. I’d hear gunfire, then it would get quiet, and an hour later, it comes back. I’ve seen people get shot, one right beside my home. I’ve seen people doing drugs and heard a lady get raped in a vacant apartment.”

Lorenzo stayed out of all trouble except for an occasional fight, when he thought someone was taking advantage of his special-needs brother, or his mom.

The family has since moved to the other side of the Amal Heights neighborhood in the southeast part of Atlanta. The move wasn’t far, but it helped.

“It’s a good bit safer where we are now,” he said.

One of the Ambassador’s graduates, Chris Traylor, now plays baseball at Selma University, in Selma Ala. His mother, Stacey Strozier, got a call from a neighbor a couple of years ago saying her son had been shot.

“I saw him laying there and I didn’t know if he’d been shot in the leg or the gut or where,” Strozier said. “I didn’t know if that was it for my boy.”

Chris was walking home and had just texted his mom: ‘Be home in five minutes.’ It was 8:24 p.m. Seconds later, a car drove by, an arm reached out the window, and shots were fired. Chris was shot through both of his legs.

That night was when Chris first understood what his mother had been telling him for years: ‘Son, even if you don’t find trouble, trouble can find you.’

From then on, if trouble was going to find Chris, it was going to find him shielded by a mentor, a team of brothers and a game that was offering him a chance of a better life. Chris joined Stewart’s Ambassadors team long before his legs had regained their strength.

Compared to what Lorenzo’s and Chris’ mothers lived through, Felecia Calhoun and her son Mendez seemingly have lived a charmed life.

But ask just about anyone what kind of teammate Mendez was when he first joined the Ambassadors and the answer, invariably would be: poor.

“He’s changed on the field,” Felecia said. “He had a bad attitude and would go overboard with competitiveness.”

Again, that might be mama being a little kind.

C.J. Stewart says Mendez needed an overhaul when it came to his ego and selfishness. Now, Stewart readily puts Mendez out front as an example of what an Ambassador player is all about.

“The things they are offering him, he would have never had – or I would have had to stand on the street corner asking for money, which I have done before. Now, he’s going to be seen by colleges and hopefully will get a chance to go to college and have it paid for. That means everything to me,” Felicia said.