I Just Want To ‘Do My Own Thing’ – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 518

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to submit to ‘y’ from the perspective of making ‘y’ an ‘authority’ within my life as if y’s ‘reasoning’ and ‘ideas’ and ‘direction’ is ‘more effective’ than my own and so I have accepted and allowed myself to in a way, submit myself to y’s will, instead of standing up within and as myself in and as my own self will and Directing Myself within my reality.

I see, realize, and understand that I have not stood up within and as myself within and as my own Self Will, but that I have accepted and allowed myself to willingly subject my will to the will of another, to thus be the one to make the important decisions for me, to be the one to make my life work, instead of me taking absolute Self Responsibility for this and so thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand up and Assert myself but have accepted and allowed myself to remain in a submissive role, never really standing up and Directing Myself as an Authority of myself within my world and then that to within this blame others for how my life is, not realizing, seeing, understanding that I am the one who has willingly given my power away to others to make decisions and choices for me, that this is something that I actually wanted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my directive will away to ‘y’ and then to turn around and blame ‘y’ for how my life is, instead of taking responsibility for my own life, for the various aspects of my life that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame ‘y’ for why they are the way they are.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to take back my directive will and directive principle on all Aspects of my life and to when and as I see myself going into a reaction of blame towards ‘y’ in relation to any point at all, to in this moment, stop and breath, and do not allow myself to go into reaction, but to rather investigate the particular point I am wanting to blame on ‘y’ and investigate how I firstly have not yet taken Absolute Responsibility for this point, and thus also how I can from here assist and support myself to Take Absolute Responsibility for any and all points that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame on ‘y’.

I realize that any reaction that comes up within me towards “y” is indicating where I require to Take Responsibility for Myself and that as long as there is reactions coming up within me towards “Y”, I see, realize, and understand that this is simply showing me where I still must Take Responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop a “submissive character” within which I have existed, because within and as the ‘submissive character’ I would not have to stand accountable but could abdicate this responsibility to others, and so within doing this, have never developed the ability to really stand up and stand out and and make ‘important decisions’ for myself but that instead I left the ‘important decisions’ to others, and so in this way have accepted and allowed others to direct my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to just want others to stand up and make the important decisions, and thus to stand within a point of responsibility, because then I can just quietly go about my business and do what ever I want to do, not having to give up my own ‘personal life’ to stand within a point of Responsibility which thus, will prevent me from being able to spend my time doing “what I want to do” where “no one bothers me” and I can just kind of “do my own thing” which is something that I always preferred doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become conditioned to and addicted to “spending my time how I want” based on a platform of taking a submissive role in my environment where I can just more exist in the background and do my own thing and not bother myself with actually Standing in a Position of Accountability and Responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame others for “my life” when it is in fact me who has not bothered to stand up and take Responsibility for certain aspects of my life but that I have left those decisions/aspects up to others to direct for me and thus within this have to ultimately live with the consequences of their decisions which is actually the consequence of my decision to do nothing and stand back and let other people make important decisions that have a direct impact on my life, all because, “I preferred to just do my own thing”

I commit myself to assist and support myself no more accept and allow myself to exist within the “I want to do my own thing” Character. I see that I have developed this Character since childhood and that this Character does not support me within becoming the Directive Principle of my Life because as this Character I leave so many aspects/decisions of my life up to others instead of me taking Responsibility for all the crucial aspects/parts/dimensions of my life.