I don't know if I can link the background because it got locked due to other people's violations.

After I got my son from the bus and turned him over to his respite lady, I went down to my husband's job. He wasn't in at the moment, neither was the girl. It's cool, I'll wait.

I could see them before they had time to come in the building, and they were holding hands. He kissed her.

When they came back you would have never guessed, but the secretary pointedly said "your wife is here to see you" so I'm thinking that its not a very well kept secret in his office.

He played innocent, so I improvised and told him that I was running errands and decided to stop in because I just love him so much and I wanted to let him know that Jason was with his respite lady so I was thinking we could have a nice dinner together, if of course he didn't already have other plans. He and the girl exchanged glances, and finally he agreed to come home with me.

At home I gave him the opportunity to come clean and he chose to use that opportunity to accuse me of being a psycho bitch, and also to further accuse me of cheating on him (despite the fact that I seriously scaled back my interaction with my childhood best friend strictly because he made my husband uncomfortable, and that I'm stuck in the house most of the time with our son). Finally he admitted to having the affair, for over a year, and one before we got married too. When he blew off marriage counselling he was with her. He says he's in love with her.

This puts me in a really bad spot. He says I can't leave because it would fuck with Jason too much, and he can't leave because its his house and it would also fuck with Jason. I don't want to be married to him anymore...I loved him so much, I gave up my whole life for him and for his son because I loved them so much, I adopted his son and I've done everything for him. Evidently, he had this idea that I was nothing more than the nanny who he fucked on the side, kept around to keep his son out of the hair of the person he actually loves.

He's right that any kind of disruption would be extremely hard on Jason especially because no level of explaining it to him is going to help him cope with it, and I love my son, but I'm so resentful and upset about the possibility of having to be stuck here, even if we weren't married, cohabitating with him and truly acting as his nanny so he can run around with that girl.

Comments (514)

I know he's cheating on me
t_avery_adams
Pass a note
I don't know if I can link the background because it got locked due to other people's violations.

After I got my son from the bus and turned him over to his respite lady, I went down to my husband's job. He wasn't in at the moment, neither was the girl. It's cool, I'll wait.

I could see them before they had time to come in the building, and they were holding hands. He kissed her.

When they came back you would have never guessed, but the secretary pointedly said "your wife is here to see you" so I'm thinking that its not a very well kept secret in his office.

He played innocent, so I improvised and told him that I was running errands and decided to stop in because I just love him so much and I wanted to let him know that Jason was with his respite lady so I was thinking we could have a nice dinner together, if of course he didn't already have other plans. He and the girl exchanged glances, and finally he agreed to come home with me.

At home I gave him the opportunity to come clean and he chose to use that opportunity to accuse me of being a psycho bitch, and also to further accuse me of cheating on him (despite the fact that I seriously scaled back my interaction with my childhood best friend strictly because he made my husband uncomfortable, and that I'm stuck in the house most of the time with our son). Finally he admitted to having the affair, for over a year, and one before we got married too. When he blew off marriage counselling he was with her. He says he's in love with her.

This puts me in a really bad spot. He says I can't leave because it would fuck with Jason too much, and he can't leave because its his house and it would also fuck with Jason. I don't want to be married to him anymore...I loved him so much, I gave up my whole life for him and for his son because I loved them so much, I adopted his son and I've done everything for him. Evidently, he had this idea that I was nothing more than the nanny who he fucked on the side, kept around to keep his son out of the hair of the person he actually loves.

He's right that any kind of disruption would be extremely hard on Jason especially because no level of explaining it to him is going to help him cope with it, and I love my son, but I'm so resentful and upset about the possibility of having to be stuck here, even if we weren't married, cohabitating with him and truly acting as his nanny so he can run around with that girl.

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Nobody is a perfect mom, I just think that some moms are really good liars - Lizzard

Honestly OP, I would still leave. No matter how old a child is, or what their special needs may be, it's better for them to live in a healthy and stable environment. A home with a promiscuous father and a mother that is only seen as a sex object and nanny is not a stable home.

Oh wow I honestly cant tell you what to do because Im somewhat in your shoes. For Jason maybe pretneding to be a normal family may good for him but on teh other hand its not good for you. Maybe take a break from each other ...After Jason goes to bed sleep in another room. Get your ducks in a row and make a plan for yourself in the meantime. Im so sorry you are dealing with this and hope things work out for you. Sorry Im not much help.

Divorce is hard on all kids, especially special needs ones. But you sound like a wonderful mother who will do the right thing. DuH sounds like an all-around asshole.

Yes you CAN leave him or kick him out. It will be tough, but you can and should do it.

You need to focus on yourself, making yourself happy, stepping out of toxic situations so that you can be the best mom to Jason. Now that you know he's cheating, that he's in love with someone else (barf), that he doesn't respect you, your marriage, or your family, you won't be happy staying. The situation is going to deteriorate.

Take the heartbreak now and try to work on how you can buffer this for Jason.

--

Nobody is a perfect mom, I just think that some moms are really good liars - Lizzard

Oh Lord, OP, this is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry. I am not familiar with the ins and outs of a child with autism but if you did separate would Jason eventually settle into a new routine and life after a while? I just cannot see how this would be good for you at all to stay with him. So much is going through my mind. I'm now sure that his comment about "she took care of it" was about the baby. He was the first to suggest ending it to you after all. This is all horrific. You have to think about yourself too. It sounds like you want a bio child really bad. If you start a new life this would be possible, pretending to be a family for Jason's sake would forever take that away from you.

I'm sure this isn't even on your radar right now, but I bet this is a pretty fucking awesome case for you to sue the shit out of this monster for some sort of fraud or emotional hostage or something, especially considering he conned you into terminating. Maybe it would be enough money to provide for your adopted son.

I found your background OP. (Can't believe the search function actually worked on BBC, for once!).

I'm so sorry for what you've gone through. I can't imagine being put through that. You deserve to be happy, you deserve better than this. I'm sorry I don't have any advice. Just wanted to offer support.

You sound like an incredibly strong, loving mother. I wish you the best. Hugs.