Establishing thought pattern

I was talking with my cousin in the office. I told her I noticed Tori gets angry and resentful whenever her siblings get something and she doesn’t. or they get something bigger than hers. I think I have to stop allowing her pick first or giving her things because her siblings have. even when she did not ask for it.

A colleague who was listening in on the conversation. Butted in and said. “why? she is the eldest. She should have the biggest share of everything and also choose first.”

“Is that so?” I asked

“ehen,” he replied with full conviction.

“Okay, I agree with you.” I answered. “can I ask you a question?” He nodded his permission.

“You are the last born amongst your father’s children, right?”

“Yes.” He said, not sure of my point.

Then I continued. “Will you wait till all your siblings have gotten a job. established their businesses and gotten married. before you start your business, find a wife, have babies or look for a job? Or should they get angry or stop you from doing any of these things before them?”

Ha! Nooo, Why? Everybody has their path in life. He emphatically stated.

“Okay. I continued. “If I start teaching her the right to choose first and get the bigger share because she is the eldest. What sort of mentality do you think I am encouraging. by allowing that behaviour and thought pattern at her tender age?
Should she get angry tomorrow if her sister gets a husband before her? Should we stop her sister from getting married before her? I know some families do that, but each to its own.”

“Well, if you put it like that… he said and stopped. that ended the topic.

The way I see it. It starts from food or treats today and become an established pattern tomorrow. Other people’s own will sometimes be bigger than yours. Some people younger than you will get things before you. People will be commended while you are not. that is life. It doesn’t mean you will not get your turn.

Some of us where not taught and we see incidences of envy and hatred even among siblings. Things like, see this person who just graduated or I started before this person. He/she is now getting married. Has gained admission, gotten a job, succeeding in business, having babies but I am not.

Others begin to feel like failures, even develop a complex. Because a younger sibling or neighbour moves ahead in life.
Because of a wrong pattern established earlier in life.

So I teach. Your siblings can get things bigger or better than you. You will get better and bigger than them sometimes. When it’s their turn be happy for them. If it’s theirs they should be happy for you. At every turn encourage yourselves and do not rub it in each other’s faces. Charity they say, start from home.

How do you encourage contentment among your children?

How do you teach them to be happy for others, even when they do not get their way?