Larry Stylinson One-Shots

Angst: Refers to a genre of stories with prevalent physical or, mainly, emotional torment of characters.
Smut: A writting style that is sexually explicit. Erotic fiction.
Fluff: A fanfiction in which the story has no plot. Only humourous or romantic nonsense.

12. #11

*Written by louissass on ao3*

Title: Love You More Than Him

Summary:

Louis woke up tired and sort of pissed off. He had been out the night before at some movie with his ‘girlfriend’, who he really didn’t like and was fucking tired of seeing quite frankly – even though it had only been a few weeks. But he didn’t have a choice, because Eleanor was his ‘girlfriend’, only there to make Louis look good in the media, because too many people were suspecting things about his sexuality (which Louis didn’t really get, let them speculate, it’s not as if they’re wrong).

Or

Louis is tired of pretending to be someone he's not and just really wants to be with Harry.

Word Count: 8,327

Louis woke up tired and sort of pissed off. He had been out the night before at some movie with his ‘girlfriend’, who he really didn’t like and was fucking tired of seeing quite frankly – even though it had only been a few weeks. But he didn’t have a choice, because Eleanor was his ‘girlfriend’, only there to make Louis look good in the media, because too many people were suspecting things about his sexuality (which Louis didn’t really get, let them speculate, it’s not as if they’re wrong).

Yeah, so Louis was gay, but who wasn’t these days? He wasn’t even ashamed of his sexuality, he had embraced it long before the band, but a certain board of people in charge of his fucking life still thought their only appeal was that girls fancy them and they’re pretty, not at all the fact they can actually sing, no. which is why he had Eleanor, recently given to him by her father after a - “if you come out you are out of the band” – chat, and yeah, she was pretty, Louis wasn’t even into the whole girl thing but even he knew that, but god she was so boring. Next to no personality, doesn’t fucking talk to Louis, they just sit there in silence and eat dinner or shop or whatever fucking stupid date they’re meant to be going on this time. At least, Louis thought, they could’ve given him someone he got along with, someone like Harry, for instance.

It would probably be fair to say Louis was absolutely infatuated with the boy since he first laid eyes on him, and even though it was incredibly difficult for him to pretend to just be his best friend, Louis was glad he did. Harry had opened up to him he wouldn’t with anyone else, when he figured out he was bisexual, Harry ran to Louis straight away, told him before his own mother. When Harry had an angry email from his one and only ex, he asked Louis what he should do, and they both sat up for hours coming up with a decent reply. When Harry got home sick, he curled into Louis’ side and the two shared things they missed about their old neighbourhood, and so on. It would be fair to say the two of them were really close, practically inseparable.

However lately, ever since it got released about Louis’ ‘girlfriend’ to the media, Harry has been acting strange, going out late, not coming home til dawn, missing dinner, almost as if he was avoiding Louis, which is frankly ridiculous. Which is why Louis wasn’t surprised to find the flat empty as he wandered to the kitchen with half closed eyes, glasses skewed on his face. Louis went about his normal breakfast routine – flicking on the kettle, putting the toast in the toaster, getting some jam and milk out the fridge, before pouring out his tea and spreading a thick layer of marmalade on his three slices of toast – without even really acknowledging what he was doing, before slumping down on the kitchen table and gobbling up his food in a sort of daze.

Louis heard his phone ringing throughout the quite flat and sighed, screeching back his chair and making his way to the lounge, where the noise was coming from. After about two seconds of searching, Louis located his phone under an empty beer can, pressing the answer button with a tired, “hello?”

“Lou,” Liam’s voice sounded, with a large amount of pity seeping through his voice, “how are you?”

“Got a hangover,” Louis sighed, rubbing his hands over his face slowly in an attempt to rid himself of the horrible icky feeling that clung to his skin, “but apart from that okay.”

Liam let out a huge sigh, his breath vibrating in the receiver of his phone, before his breath hitched, Louis would be lying if he said he wasn’t confused. “Wait, really?”

“No, Lou! Wai-” but he had already hung up. Well, at least now he would find out what the fuck they were talking about. Louis practically ran over to the discarded laptop on the arm chair, quickly opening it up and logging in to twitter. And fucking hell, ‘Elounor’ was trending. With shaky hands, he clicked on the trend, showing the hundreds of tweets about his fake relationship.

OMG They are so cutee!! http.twitpic.com/gkher8405kjf03tg Fucking are they? Honestly, Louis loved his fans, but he just didn’t see how they could be so dumb, not realise how fake the relationship was, how forced the smiles were, how little chemistry there was between them.

Ugh I wish @louis_tomlinson was my boyfriend, Eleanor is soo lucky!

Louis felt bad because, that poor girl, she thought she had even the remotest chance with him, when, unless she suddenly grew a cock and balls over night, she had no hope in hell. {AN: I died omf}

The tweets carried on along the same lines, everyone saying how adorable they were and how it was so obvious they were in love with each other, and frankly it made Louis sick to his stomach. Partly because he really hated lying to the fans, they had been so good to them, but mainly because the idea of actually being in a relationship with a girl made him feel ill, especially when he could have harry instead, if he ever liked him back that is. As Louis scrolled down, he came across a particular argument between two fans.

Elounor is not real, it’s so fake all you guys are so blind.

Louis was thankful that at least one person knew, one person could see that if Louis actually loved her, he wouldn’t treat her like that.

You’re just jealous that you aren’t going out with him,stop being such a hater.

Okay, Louis thought that was a little uncalled for, like everyone was allowed their own opinion, especially when their opinion was true.

I’m not a hater I can just see the truth. Yeah, whoever this fan was, they deserved a medal, standing up for themselves and Louis, he was a little disappointed she was getting hated because of it. Whats that then?

That Louis loves harry, you’re jealous because they have each other and all you have is your angry keyboard.

This fan was right on so many things Louis had to check her profile to make sure he didn’t actually know her… she was from Tennessee so, he probably didn’t. If only she was right about them having each other, Harry didn’t love him back, sure they had each other in a best friend sort of way, but Louis wanted to be more. Fucking everyone knew by the looks of things, everyone except harry.

Louis angrily shut the laptop down, folding his arms over his chest in a completely non-sulking manner, apart from the bit where he was sulking. Why couldn’t harry just like him back? It’s not as though he was straight, it’s not as though harry didn’t like him, it’s not even as though Louis was ugly, he didn’t think. Maybe he was ugly.{AN: -.-} Maybe harry didn’t like him because he had a fat belly, or he was shorter than the seventeen year old despite being older, or maybe it was because he was nearly twenty.

“Hey Lou!” Harry’s voice called from the hall and Louis’ blood was practically boiling with rage. What made that little fucker better than him, that he didn’t think Louis was worth his love? (except Harry wasn’t a little fucker, not at all, Louis loved him to pieces)

“Lou?” Harry’s voice asked again, sounding a lot closer than the first time. Harry smiled – all dimples, red lips and pearly white teeth, and fucking cuteness – when he found Louis and bounded up to him, so fucking excited about God knows what. But when Louis didn’t smile back, didn’t even acknowledge he’d entered the room, his smile dropped again. “Louis? Are you okay?”

“Fine.” He mumbled angrily and Harry flinched, wasn’t used to Louis being sharp with him. Louis was normally really good at keeping emotions to himself, only crying in the shower or when everyone was out, never getting angry at anyone, always being a ball of energy. But Louis was fucking tired of being a ball of energy.

“No you aren’t.” Harry concluded and well, congrats Sherlock, any idiot could see Louis was fucking pissed off. “Are you ill? Are you hurt? Can I get you-”

“Harry shut up!” Louis growled with a roll of his eyes. Louis loved Harry’s little innocent moments, but this was just fucking ridiculous, Harry was being ridiculous. {AN: fucking ass}

Harry shrunk back into his frame a little, eyes watching the floor instead of his best friend’s angry face. “I… sorry. I want to help.”

“Just, just leave me be.” Louis mumbled, standing up and pushing past the curly haired boy back to the kitchen where his last slice of toast lay discarded on his plate. Louis brought the plate over to the sink, throwing the food in the bin before turning on the water and scrubbing at the plate.

Harry fucking followed. “No, Louis, I know you, I know I can help if you just tell me what the issue is and then we can snuggle up on the sofa and watch a movie, yeah?”

Louis growled because, there was nothing he wanted more in that moment than to have Harry snuggle into his side under a blanket as they watched some chick flick with a bowl of popcorn and edible glitter. {AN: wut?} “It’s none of your business.”

“Of course it is, I’m your best friend.” Harry sighed, placing a hand on Louis’ shoulder. “Oh, oh. Is it because of El-”

“DON’T SAY HER FUCKING NAME IN THIS HOUSEHOLD, HARRY!” Louis yelled, dropping the plate in the sink and spinning around, his face was an angry red colour as he fought the urge to punch something, or just fucking cry. “I… Don’t say her name.”

Harry was stunned, tears lined his eyes as he stared at Louis, muscles tense and stiff. He had never seen Louis shout before, he made sure of that, and this was exactly why. It must be something to do with the fact that he doesn’t let his emotions show very often, because when he does finally let it all out, he fucking lets it all out. When Louis was really insecure about his body, worse than now, he would keep it all in for weeks, until one day he couldn’t take it anymore and would just cry for hours and hours, scream at everyone, even thought about cutting himself a few times, thank God he didn’t have the balls.

“Uhm… I… ‘M going out.” Harry mumbled, stumbling out the kitchen leaving Louis there, breathing heavily. He flinched when the door slammed, figuring he was alone again and let out a deep breath, his body slumping down. Louis coughed until he was crying, before sliding down the cabinet and making himself as small as possible, wailing into his knees.

***

It'd been five days since the argument, that wasn't really an argument just Louis shouting, but it was enough to drive Harry away, so. Louis was utterly depressed, couldn't deal with the fact that he had royally fucked up any slim chance he ever had of telling Harry he loved him, because now Harry hated him. He couldn't even bare to be in the same room as him for more than five minutes, didn't talk to him, look at him, didn't make him breaky anymore, didn't leave cute little post it's over the flat for Louis to read, nothing. He was just pretending Louis didn't exist, which okay, Louis deserved. So yeah, Louis had all the fucking wind knock out of him he gasped so loud when Harry came up and sat next to him on the sofa one day.

“Louis, need to tell you something.” He mumbled, looking at his fingers.

After getting over the initial shock, Louis smiled, turning his whole body towards the curly haired boy, showing he was giving his full attention. “Shoot Haz.”

“I, uhm, just thought you'd wanna know, I've got a boyfriend.” He muttered with a coy smile on his face. {AN: if it's Grimmy ima kill a bitch}

Louis could literally feel his heart shattering in his chest. “Oh. That's great.”

Harry grinned and nodded, blissfully unaware to the blunt tone in Louis' voice. “Yeah it is, he's really amazing and, well, I just sorta wanted to tell you. You are my best friend after all.”

“Sure am.” Louis grinned, though it was more of a grimace, as he fought back tears (fucking hell what was this boy doing to him? Louis never cries).

“I... Uhm... No, never mind.” Harry mumbled, sinking back I'm the sofa, dragging his lip between his teeth.

“No, go on, H.” Louis insisted, he'd be dammed if he didn't get all the heart break out the way now.

Harry grinned again, before looking down and fiddling with his fingers. “I, was wondering, I sorta want you to meet him? If that's okay?”

No, just say no, don't wanna go through that sort of heart wrenching shit, tell him no. But of course, Louis could never say no to Harry. “It'd be my pleasure.”

Harry grinned wide again, pulling Louis in for a hug and kissing his hair. “Thanks Lou, you're the best.”

Yeah, maybe Louis didn't think the same about himself right now.

***

“Louis?” Harry's voice sounded down the flat, Louis rolled his eyes and groaned into his pillow. “Lou can you he-” Harry began, stopping as his eyes landed on his flat mate and let out a huge sigh. “Why aren't you up? He's gonna be here in fifteen minutes.”

“'M tired.” Louis reasoned to his pillow. “Went on another date with eleawhore last night.”

“Yeah yeah I'm fucking amazing I know, piss off so I can get dressed.” Louis whined, throwing the warm duvet of his body and sitting up, facing away from Harry and the door.

Harry grinned, walking out of the room and Louis forced himself to get up, pulling random clothes onto his body. He probably looked awful but, hey ho, not like this guy was supposed to like him. He was the equivalent of big brother protectiveness over his Harry, anyone hurt him, he'll tell Liam (Louis can't fight for shit, but he sure can fucking scream). Louis wandered into the lounge with a bowl of cereal just as Harry was opening the door to his 'boyfriend'.

“Louis, this is Jamie,” Harry grinned, after he had led his boyfriend into the lounge. “Jamie, this is boo bear.”

“Harry don't, please.” Louis cringed and okay, maybe he did want to look good for this guy, didn't want Harry calling him by a nickname he got when he was two years old.

“Sorry but it's funny.” Harry grinned, before turning to the boy on his left and clarifying, “It’s what Lou's mum called him when he was a baby.”

Jamie nodded and Louis finally checked him out. He was tall, maybe 6ft3, had short blond hair and was fucking hench. The complete polar opposite to Louis, the short, fat, brunet boy he had become. Louis thought maybe he should be polite, shake his hand, smile, for Harry's sake.

“Nice to meet you Jamie.” He grimaced, holding out his hand.

“You too,” the blond says, shaking it furiously, “Harry talks about you a lot.”

Louis would be happy if he didn't know he meant as a best friend way. “Oh, yeah, you too.”

“It’s good to see you two getting on so well.” Harry squealed. “I'll go get the popcorn.”

Louis rolled his eyes as Harry practically ran out the room, before taking a seat. “Take a seat man.”

“Cheers bro.” Ugh, bro. Louis was not his bro. “So are you in this band with my boy as well or,” my boy, Louis hated how that sounded.

“Yeah,” he replied with a tight smile, “work together, live together, me and Haz.”

“Nice. What are the others like? There's three right?” Jamie said, completely not threatened by anything he'd said so far.

Louis nodded. “Didn't Harry talk about them too?”

“Oh he did, just wanna make sure he ain't lying.” Jamie said with a short laugh and Louis thought he should probably laugh too.

“Well Niall's the blond one, he's quite shy. Zayn's really observant and normally quiet and Liam's a control freak.” He said quickly and quietly, staring at the floor.

Jamie smiled again. “Exactly how Harry described them.”

“Do you not trust me, babe?” Harry joked with a cute little pout and ugh, Louis was so envious of this dude right now.

“Of course I don't, hazzie.” Jamie replied and Louis had to try really hard to not roll his eyes, especially when Harry giggled and gave him a peck on the lips. {AN: EW IM BLIND}

“PDA, please.” Louis joked, shielding his eyes. Harry rolled his eyes with a grin on his face and wiggled his bum in Louis' face- kinda- to create a space between the two boys. Jamie put an arm round Harry's waist, consequently dragging him closer as Louis tried to take some popcorn out of the bowl.

“Start the movie, Harold.” Louis said just as Harry settled into Jamie's side. Harry sighed, sitting up to reach for the remote and settling back down squarely between the two boys as he pressed play.

After about ten minutes, Harry had resumed his normal position of head on Louis' shoulder every time they watched a movie. Louis placed his head on top and he really didn't see how Jamie wasn't threatened by this shit- although he did have an arm tucked securely round Harry's waist- Louis knows if it was him, he'd be going through the fucking roof right now. Harry, who was really engrossed in the film, kept jumping into Louis' neck when a suspense part happened, his breath hitting his neck in short hot puffs, sending Louis' heart rate through the roof. He literally didn't know if he could just not kiss this boy senseless if he didn't get outta there.

“Scuse Haz,” Louis mumbled into his ear, tapping the boys arm.

Harry huffed. “Comfy.”

“Need a piss, mate. Unless you want me to piss over you and the sofa.” Louis chuckled. {AN: watersports mmm}

“But cuddles.” He weakly protested and yeah, Louis needed to get outta there ASAP.

“Cuddle with your boyfriend. That's what he's there for.” Fucking hell, this was harder than Louis first thought. Eventually, Harry sighed, taking his head off of Louis shoulder and placing it on Jamie's. Jamie smiled down at him, pressing a kiss to his lips as Harry entangled their fingers together. Louis was so fucking bitter right now, maybe some cold water on his face would cool him down.

***

It was about twenty minutes later when Louis mustered up enough courage to step outside the safety of the bathroom. By which time, the film had finished and Harry was sitting in the lounge, scrolling through his phone, alone. Louis bit back a smile at the perfect boy in front of him, resuming his previous position on the sofa next to Harry. It felt so good to have the younger boy’s body heat next to him, even better when said boy leant in and snuggled under Louis’ arm, allowing them to cuddle properly for the first time in ages.

“Hey.” Louis mumbled, peering over his shoulder and seeing that Harry was looking through Niall’s tweets.

“Looks like Niall’s having a good time back home.” Harry replied, clicking on a particularly funny picture of the blond boy with another boy, both holding a pint up and a thumb raised, stupidly wide grins on their faces, alcohol flushed cheeks.

“My God, what’s that lady doing in the back ground?” Louis laughed, pointing to a quite large woman, who was standing on the bar. “Man, I love the Irish.”

Harry nodded in agreement, before tucking his phone away in his back pocket and settling into Louis. It felt so comfortable, so right, Louis’ not sure how he coped, not having Harry wrapped in his arms, not for five minutes, let alone long enough for Harry to get a boyfriend. Speaking of which, “Jamie had to go, some work thing.”

“Oh, shame.” Louis commented, not at all meaning it, and it was probably obvious in his voice.

Harry didn’t recognise it, that or he chose to ignore it. “What d’you think of him then? You like him?”

Louis shrugged. “He’s alright, I guess.”

“Jealous?” Harry joked, cheeks spreading into a grin, deep dimples pulling Louis in, so much so he could almost- no.

“no, no no not at all. Totally not jealous. Not in the slightest.” Louis said, trying to be convincing but, well fuck it. Harry would be able to tell he was lying anyway.

“don’t call me that,” Louis cringed, poking his tongue out at the laughing boy. “And you can’t do that anymore!”

“Can’t do what?” he frowned.

Louis rolled his eyes. “Cant kiss me any more, not now you’re all… y’know… in a relationship and stuff. What if Jamie gets jealous and then comes and punches my beautiful face?”

Harry laughed again and, oh the sweet melodies of angels, even if Harry hated it, Louis loved it, loved everything about the curly haired boy. {AN: same} “not like it’s a real kiss, is it? And besides, Jamie’s not the jealous type. I told him the deal with us lot, how we’re like, really close and stuff, and he doesn’t mind.”

“Oh, well in that case,” Louis said, untangling himself from the boy next to him, “He wouldn’t mind me doing this,” He grinned, laughing forwards and attacking Harry’s sides with his fingers. Harry laughed and laughed on the sofa, wriggling and writhing about, trying to push Louis’ fingers away.

Two weeks on, and the boys were all at Louis and Harry’s flat, waiting for Harry to come back and to meet the famous ‘Jamie’. Harry had gathered them all over, deciding a pizza party was the perfect way for them all to meet, leaving Louis in the house to sort out the furniture arrangements so all six boys could fit in the lounge, before swanning off to pick his boyfriend up from the airport. Jamie was a security guard at the national gallery, and he had accompanied a pretty fucking expensive painting to Denmark, was flying back today, and Harry was going to get him.

Louis shrugged. “I dunno, sorta- come on, come on, in the goal, come on you little git, you can do it… YEAH!” Louis cheered as man u scored a goal. Zayn and Louis high fived, and chugged another half bottle of beer down, eyes setting back on the game. “He’s not possessive or jealous, kinda laid back, trusts Harry y’know? Really muscley, but likes kissing, like a lot.”

“I was too subtle.” Louis retorted, sticking out his tongue. All three raised an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah cos jumping into his arms when you've only just met is subtle.” Liam scoffed.

“And blushing and smiling like you'd just won the fucking lottery when he laughed at one of your shitty jokes is subtle.” Zayn continued.

“I'd marry you Harry,” Niall said in a high voice, Louis just rolled his eyes, he totally didn't sound like that. “So subtle there Lou, well done.”

Louis just shrugged. “Well no one noticed so it's fine, I was subtle enough.”

“Mate everyone noticed. Why d'you think everyone started thinking you were gay?” Zayn asked rhetorically with a little tap to Louis' knee, Louis felt like he was being patronised.

“But I am gay.” He wined, pouting a little as arsenal got a penalty.

“That's not the point, Lou, we all know you're gay, you aren't exactly subtle about that either.” Niall replied offhandedly, as though it was the sort of thing he said every day, well, knowing Niall...

“But that's not the point either,” Liam said with a sharp glare to Niall. “The point is, you love him and everyone can see it, but we all accept you and wish you the best.”

Louis snorted, taking another swig of beer. “You're wrong, Li, not everyone can see it.”

“Oh believe me, they can.” Niall laughed.

Louis just rolled his eyes. “Harry can't fucking see it though, can he?”

“Harry can't fucking see what?” And there he was, Louis' angel, sent down from heaven to protect him and help him love something, someone. Oh look, there was his angel’s boyfriend, right behind him. Fucking fabulous.

Louis didn’t have an answer for Harry, he couldn’t bloody tell him, not with his bodyguard boyfriend right there, glaring him down. He could feel his eyes getting watery and he really tried hard not to cry, but Louis had left the question in the air too long to pass it off as a joke and, well that was his only line of defence, really.

“Hi! I’m Liam, It’s Jamie, right? Nice to meet you.” And well thank fucking god for Liam Payne, saving the day once again. Liam stood up and shook the blond man’s hand, the other boys following suit. Louis just stayed quiet, could feel Harry’s frown on him, but he didn’t acknowledge it, wanted to pretend Harry didn’t just walk in on a conversation about how Louis was totally head over heels in love with him.

“So what’re we watching lads?” Harry asked, sitting down next to Louis, with Jamie on his other side, and Louis completely didn’t shuffle closer to Zayn.

“Man u vs Arsenal, guess who’s winning?” Niall said, eyes not leaving the screen. He didn’t support either team, but he just loved to watch the game, bless him.

Harry grinned, Louis could feel it, as he pondered his answer. “well, it won’t be who I want to win, so… Arsenal.”

“Pretty intense game.” Jamie mumbled and Louis rolled his eyes, forgot this little fucker was here (okay maybe he was a little jealous, but he deserved to be, Harry was actually rightfully his, he’d seen him first).

“Nah mate, you think this is intense,” Zayn chuckled, calling Jamie mate, that was like accepting him, Louis refused to accept him. “You should see when we switch to the championship league, Rovers versus Birmingham City, now that was intense.”

“How so?” Jamie asked, a frown on his face and, Louis’ pretty sure he didn’t even know who the Rovers were.

Louis pouted, remembering that day well, it was about two months back, Louis and Harry had painted themselves green and white in preparation for the event, but ended up missing half the match because they were whispering and tickling and throwing crisps at each other for most of the time. He’s an awful loser, but Louis didn’t seem to mind too much when his team had been utterly disgraced by losing to Birmingham of all places, because at least he had Harry by his side. He didn’t even have that any more.

“I’m not a bad loser.” Louis said eventually, sticking his tongue out.

“You went on days about how the whole match was a fix, Lou!” Niall laughed, taking another swig of beer.

“That’s because it was a fix!” he replied, and the doorbell rang, so before anyone else could get up, he ran to the door as far away from the couple as possible. It meant he had to pay for the pizza, but Louis wasn’t fussed. “I bring pizza!”

But Louis’ enthusiasm was destroyed when he saw Harry and Jamie cuddled up together, closer than closer, whispering and kissing, soft and gentle touches. That used to be him, wiping a stray curl from Harry’s eyesight, wrapping his arms so tight around the younger boy he might burst, whispering things in his ear to make him laugh, but now it was this wannabe scumbag (he was actually really nice, which made Louis hate him even more).

“Ooh, Pizza!” Niall screeched, bounding him towards him with a grin on his face that Louis just couldn’t return.

***

Louis was sad. No, he was worse than sad, he was utterly depressed. He couldn’t understand what Jamie had that he didn’t, apart from nicer hair, nice abs, a cute face, so maybe he did know what Jamie had, which made it worse. He hadn’t left his room in days, not wanting to see a certain curly haired harry, or a blond haired Jamie, or anyone else for that matter. Harry had tried for hours at a time, banging on Louis’ door and begging him to come out, and it took all of his will power to stay away from the door.

But the boys were currently recording their album, and Louis was wasting his studio time by not going out, which is why one week after the man stealer (that’s what he’s decided to call that guy who he shall not name) came round for pizza, Louis was walking into the studio, all his band members stopping what they were doing to stare in shock.

“Lou, you look,” Niall began, mouth hanging open like a fish, fingers rested on the neck of his guitar in a c (?) chord.

“Awful,” Zayn finished, pencil poised just above the paper he was drawing on. Louis rolled his eyes, shoving his hands in his pockets.

Louis really did look awful, dark sunken in eyes, dry cracked lips, greasy hair swept under a strategically placed beanie. His shoes didn’t match – one was black, the other navy blue – his shirt had a massive hole in the side of it, and his joggers had dried ketchup on them. But Louis felt awful too, so why not show everyone how bad he really felt (like his soul was being ripped from his being, sounds dramatic, but that’s how much Harry really meant to him).

“Ah, Louis, nice of you to join us, at last.” The man who worked at the recording studio sneered as he caught sight of the boy. Louis just smiled. “Why do we get some work done then, yeah?”

Louis nodded as Harry was instructed to leave the booth, staring at the floor as the curly haired boy walked past him. Once Louis got into the booth, he slipped on the head phones and awaited further instruction.

“Just sing the lyrics on the sheet, yeah? The second bridge.” He said and Louis nodded as the music played through his ears.

“And when I see you on the street, in his arms, I get weak, my body fails, I’m on my knees, prayin”

He sung, trying so hard to feel the music, but all he could think about was harry, how this related to harry.

Because that’s what happened, really. He saw Harry wrapped in the man stealer’s arms, remembered how it used to be him, and he just couldn’t function any more. His heart literally gave up, Louis would just lie there, on his bed, thinking about how wrong everything felt, how he wished Harry was there to comfort him.

“Good, again.” The man said, and Louis sung the lyrics again and again, until he literally knew the fucking thing off by heart. After about twenty more times, the others were called in as well so they could all do the chorus. “When you’re ready, guys.”

The music played through Louis’ head phones as he stared straight at Harry. The five of them were standing in a circle around one microphone, that gets the best sound, apparently.

When he opens his arms and hold you close tonight, it just won’t feel right

Louis really hoped Harry thought the same, that being in his arms was foreign, odd, that he needed Louis as much as Louis needed him. He wasn’t needy or clingy, he just, he saw harry first, it wasn’t fair that he got to hug and kiss someone else every night while Louis sobs into his pillow.

Cause I can love you more than this, yeah

He knew he could, he’d been in love with Harry since the third week of the xfactor, and this Jamie guy had only just met him. He wasn’t even sure if Harry loved Jamie, hoped he didn’t, wanted to be loved by his favourite curly boy himself.

When he lays you down I might just die inside, it just don’t feel right

Louis felt like he was dying inside, like all his insides were burning up with regret and disgust, of course Harry didn’t love him, couldn’t ever love him, because Louis was disgusting and ugly, not like Jamie at all, fucking Mr perfect man.

Cause I can love you more than this, yeah

He had to get out of there, it wasn’t his fault, the lyrics just… Louis felt like he was breaking into tiny little pieces as he looked into Harry’s eyes and sang, sang to the boy he loved, had always loved, told him what he always wanted to tell him.

So yeah, he ran, ran and hid in the bathroom like a scared little girl, but he just couldn’t do this anymore. It was hard enough for him to pretend, let alone when he’s feeling at his most vulnerable, but even harder to hear the words he wanted to say, Harry right there, but yet he couldn’t say a thing because, well they were just mates, nothing more.

“Lou?” a voice muttered softly with a small tap on the bathroom door.

“Go away Harry,” Louis cried, sniffing away the tears that were rapidly falling down his face.

Well fuck, fuck fuckity shit face. Zayn wasn’t supposed to do that, Harry wasn’t supposed to know, Louis kept it from him for a reason. Louis sniffed again, wiping away his tears with the back of his hand before unlocking the door so it was him and Harry standing in the communal sink area of the boy’s loos, like where it all began.

“What did he tell you? Cos you know how Zayn can lie,” Louis tried to laugh, but he knew Harry wasn’t fooled, “he’s so good at lying, and he does exaggerate a lot, remember when-”

“Louis.” Harry sighed, placing a hand on Louis’ shoulder, he just smiled weakly. “Zayn, he told me how you, were jealous of my relationship with Jamie, because you wanted to be with me instead. Is that true?”

Louis shrugged nonchalantly, he’d be damned if he admitted his feelings right now and harry just rejected him. “I dunno, I mean, I could want to be with Jamie. He’s a great lad, after all.”

“Louis,” Harry whined, almost as if he was tired of all this bull shit, well Louis fucking was too. “Are you… is that why you’ve been so down lately?”

“Maybe, I dunno.” He shrugged again, Harry gave him the look, and of course, Louis caved. “Okay yeah, I just… I want what you two have, I guess. You’re so happy and you don’t care what people think and, well, I’ve got a fake fucking girlfriend. D’you see what I mean?”

“I haven’t been avoiding you, Harry, I just,” Louis sighed, closing his eyes for a second to try and calm himself down, he was going to cry again, he could feel it. “Need some time, y’know? To get used to all this.”

Harry frowned, he didn’t understand and, well Louis supposed that was because he wasn’t making any sense. “Time to get used to what?”

“You, having a boyfriend, I s’pose,” he shrugged, staring at his feet. “It being Harry and Jamie from now on, the possibility of seeing him when I come home, you and him, together.”

“You make it sound like you don’t like him,” Harry laughed, Louis couldn’t tell if it was meant to be a joke, or he was just nervous. Louis bit his lip and gave Harry that look, the one that said I’m sorry I lied, Harry sighed. “Louis, you should’ve said.”

“Well he’s your boyfriend, inn’e.” Louis mumbled, sniffing and blinking back the tears. “Not exactly my decision if you go out with him or not.”

“No, but your opinion matters to me, Lou.” Harry said softly, Louis smiled, a short and empty smile, polar opposites to Harry’s, full of earnest and warmth. Louis loved that about Harry, he was his warmth (although truth be told, Louis loved everything about harry). “You’re my best friend, okay? You mean a lot to me.” Louis’ smile dropped because oh yeah, he was Harry’s best friend, that was all. “Please don’t cry, Lou. Now come on, boo bear.”

“Harry, don’t.” Louis said weakly, if he said that one more time, Louis isn’t sure he’d be able to hold it together, and that scares him, being weak and vulnerable. But what scares him even more is the person who’s causing it is the only one he wants to hold him.

Harry grinned a toothy grin, mischief and sly twinkling in his eyes and god, Louis knew he was bad at reading people, but not this fucking bad. “Boo bear, please don’t cry.”

And that was it, Louis was blubbing into Harry’s arms, clutching his t-shirt tightly, never wanting to let go. Harry just held him close, shushing him, stroking his hair, kissing his head. As much as he loved this, needed it, Louis knew how wrong it was, to get more and more attached to a taken man, an out of bounds man, as it were, so reluctantly, he pushed Harry away, sobbing into his hands. Harry tried again, attempting to wrap his arms around the weeping boy, but he pulled away again.

“What do you mean, boo?” Harry asked softly, tenetively, he wasn’t being malicious any more, he was trying to be caring, but it didn’t work.

“Stop it, I can’t,” Louis was practically ripping his own hair out, couldn’t think of anything to say other than I love you, but he couldn’t, just couldn’t.

“You can’t what, Lou?” Harry’s voice was shaky and he finally got it, but it was too late, Louis just couldn’t stop himself and he knew, knew one look is all it would take, Harry would finally understand.

“Well, maybe I can help?” Harry suggested weakly, and Louis knew he was trying not to cry as well.

“You can’t because you, you are the problem,” Louis near enough screamed, and he didn’t mean to say it, he couldn’t stop himself, it was like he wasn’t even controlling his body anymore. “Normally I can bullshit my way out of any situation, any question, anything really, but not around you, Harry. The only thing I can think is to just, tell you, but I can’t and, this is why I don’t know anymore, Harry, I don’t know what to do.”

“Louis,” Harry gasped, trying to stop himself from cracking, Louis knew he was overwhelmed with shock and confusion and anxiety and he wanted to comfort him so much but he just, couldn’t. “Tell me… tell me what?”

Louis sighed and turned around slowly, looking deep into Harry’s eyes. He didn’t have to say anything, but Harry got it, he could tell by the way he gasped, his eyes watering ever so slightly. “You mean you-”

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, now that he had looked into those eyes, he couldn’t even think about looking away, Harry just captivated him like that.

“You love me?” Harry gasped, bringing a hand up to cover his mouth.

“I really fucking love you, Harry.” Louis mumbled, tears spilling out of his eyes, because well, might as well be open now. “And its okay that you don’t love me back, you’ve got Jamie now, I just wanna know one thing, what made him better than me?”

“Louis,” Harry sighed.

“No, Harry, let me finish. You knew I was gay before you even knew you were, so what was it that stopped you loving me? Am I not good enough for you? Is it weird because we’re friends? Whatever the reason, I just need to know, okay? It’s sort of like, closure.” Louis was full on sobbing now, not even bothering to dry his eyes because, well it was a never ending cycle.

Harry was silent for a moment, maybe he was taking in everything he had just found out, maybe he was figuring out what to say next, all Louis knew is that every moment the both of them stayed silent for, he held his breath. And then, he laughed, a full hearty, Harry laugh, coupled with a head shake and Louis thought maybe he had gone mad. “You are such an idiot.”

“Well, thanks for the vote of con-” he began, but he was cut off by two warm lips being pressed to his. Louis’ eyes opened wide in shock, this had to be a dream, he had to be asleep, Harry wouldn’t kiss him, he’s got a boyfriend. But yet, as he looked on that pretty face, curls tickling his forehead, felt a hand curling at the back of his neck, he had no choice but to believe it. however, just as Louis finally realised what was going on, closed his eyes and started to kiss back, Harry was pulling away, pressing a wet peck to his lips.

“Please,” Louis whispered into his mouth as Harry kissed his chastely again, tears still falling freely down his face, “don’t do this, don’t pity me Harry, I’d rather not do this at all than it be out of pity.”

Harry just smiled softly, stroking Louis’ cheek and sending shivers up his spine. “And what if it isn’t out of pity?”

“Then do whatever the hell you want.” Louis said with a little smile, giggling into Harry’s mouth as they were connected again.

The kiss started innocent, not tongues, just lips pressing together sweetly, hands roaming bodies, getting a feel for the other like they hadn’t done before. But after a while, Harry grew impatient, started prodding his tongue to Louis’ lips, trying to get through barrier he had teasingly created, consequently covering a laughing Louis in saliva. Harry growled, grinding his hips down on Louis, his hand holding the boy close to him and well, Louis certainly didn’t expect that, didn’t even realise they were up against the wall until Harry pushed him further into it. Louis let out a small gasp, allowing Harry to invade his mouth, but didn’t complain, just smiled, and roamed Harry’s mouth with his own tongue.

Things got pretty heated pretty quickly after that. Harry decided he liked grinding Louis into the wall and did it more, harder, faster, until both of them were sporting semi’s, Louis decided he liked to fist Harry’s hair, the younger boy practically mewling in appreciation. Louis should’ve know it was gonna happen, by the pace things were going at, and the fact that Harry had been toying with the hem of his shirt for a while now, but he still pulled away in shock when the cool air hit his naked chest.

“Harry,” Louis groaned as Harry kissed down his neck, trying to undo the drawstring holding his joggers up. “Hazza we can’t,”

Louis smiled back, pulling his shirt over his head and linking hands with Harry, their fingers entwining like they were made to fit together, and Louis couldn’t help thinking, what if this was destiny?

***

Two days later, harry broke up with Jamie (apparently Jamie saw it coming and well, Louis didn’t think he was that obvious about his feelings), after which followed hot steamy sex, Louis whispering I love you’s into Harry’s neck as he rode him and fucking hell, if Harry’s was the best cock Louis had ever seen or felt in his life.

-

Well that escalated rather quickly haha

So as you saw I put AN's in a lot of places. Just to let you know what I think if you even care..