Your Mom's Most Embarrassing Facebook Updates

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Moms and social media: they go together like peanut butter and clam juice! Wait, that doesn’t sound like a delightful combination? You say it actually sounds kind of horrifying? EXACTLY. If your mom is already on Facebook, you know all too well what we’re talking about. But if not, consider yourself REALLY FREAKIN’ LUCKY, because your newsfeed could be littered with status updates that look a little something like this:

1. I’m trying to keep up with all this new technology, so I’ve finally joined The Face Book! Holler at me if you think I’m a MILF (that’s Mom I’d Like to Friend).

2. How do I know if someone got my friend request? I keep trying to add my daughter! Rachel, did you get my request???

3. The Face Book wants to know what’s on my mind, and all I have to say is that I just discovered the secret to eternal youth…SPANX! I swear, my tush hasn’t looked this good in 20 years!

4. Rachel honey…did you get my friend request? Can you see this status???

5. To my friends who keep inviting me to play this “Candy Crush” game…it’s so funny that you all seem to think I’d like it, but I’m not a big fan of computer games. I’d rather stick to my Sudoku! Thanks for thinking of me, though! XOXO

6. FINALLY! I just got the notification that my friend request was accepted (three weeks later!!!). Must have been some sort of glitch! But I made sure to tell Rachel that we may be “friends” on the Face Book, but don’t forget that in real life I’m still your mother!

7. If you ask me, I think this Face Book sets a bad example. Do we really want to encourage our children to write on other people’s walls?

8. Rachel, can you stop at the grocery store for me today? We need eggs, milk, paper towels, and your father ran through all the toilet paper…again. LIKE this so I know you saw it.

10. I keep getting “poked” on here by my husband. What does that mean? It sounds dirty! At home, I just ignore his pokes, so I don’t know why he thinks it’d be any different on the Face Book. LOL!

11. Now that my little Stephanie’s entered womanhood, I think it’s time to give her “the talk.” Took out some books from the library last week, but I’m going to wait until tonight when she has her girlfriends over for movie night. I figured they could all learn a thing or two!

12. Rachel, when you get home can you pick up more tampons? We’re going through them like crazy now thanks to your sister! LIKE this so I know you saw it. XOXO Mom

13. My oldest daughter Rachel has her first date tonight with Michael Jacobs, the boy she’s had a crush on since for as long as I can remember. I swear I’ve been listening to her gab about him on the phone to her girlfriends for years now! Everyone wish her luck!!!

14. UPDATE: Rachel and Michael are out now! She must have tried on every outfit in her closet while getting ready! She gave me a hard time, but when he came to the door to pick her up, I made sure to get plenty of pictures of the two of them. Of course, Rachel was being dramatic as always and called me the “most mortifying mother that ever existed,” but I told her they will appreciate these memories when they’re older, and I took down Michael’s address so I can mail him a set once I get them printed. Ahhhh, young love!

15. I don’t know what happened, but I can’t find my daughter on the Face Book anymore…is it possible that I deleted her by mistake? Rachel, can you see this???

16. Rachel, if you see this, I need your help on the Face Book when you get home from school. I can’t find your page! Also, someone left laundry in the dryer…I’m pretty sure it’s yours (when did you start wearing thongs?!).

What's the most embarrassing thing a family member has ever said on Facebook?

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About the Author

Danielle writes, performs improv, and loiters in Starbucks locations in and around New York City. When she grows up, she wants to be an author or an elephant whisperer. Or maybe both. Follow her on Twitter @DanielleKraese.