‘Game Of Thrones’ Season Finale Recap: Daenerys Claims A New Title

The Mother of Dragons solidified her position on the final episode of season three. So why didn’t it feel more epic?

After a season of epic betrayals, devastating deaths and hot Wildling sex, the June 9 season finale of Game Of Throneswas actually kind of underwhelming. (Wouldn’t last week’s “Red Wedding” massacre have been a more compelling season-ender?) That said, this week’s events set the stage for a very different Westeros next summer — one that now has its very own “mother.”

For the second time, Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) provided the season’s final moment, with all the slaves — actually, make that former slaves — of Yunkai embracing her as their “mhysa,” or as Missandei so helpfully translated: their “mother.” The episode ended much in the same way as episode four, with the camera zooming out to reveal all the new followers gained by the khaleesi. It was a cool idea, and I’m glad to see her coming out on top, but it was still no “Red Wedding.”

Arya Tastes Her First (Man) Kill

Speaking of the “Red Wedding,” Walder Frey’s men literally added insult to injury by parading around Grey Wind’s head attached to Robb’s body. It was a horrific sight, one unfortunately beheld by Arya (Maisie Williams), who was undoubtedly changed because of it.

In fact, I’m sure she was changed by it. We witnessed her first-ever (man) kill this week when she and The Hound came across a band of soldiers reveling in the deaths of Robb and Catelyn. And the icing on the cake? Arya stole the dagger she used from The Hound without him noticing! (Get it, girl.)

Comings & Goings At Dragonstone

Over at Dragonstone, Ser Davos learned a surprising lesson — and I’m not just talking about Stannis’ Phantom of the Opera daughter teaching him how to read. After letting Gendry sneak off to King’s Landing, he was sure that Melisandre (Carice van Houten) would call for his head, but the Lord of Light had other plans. Melly saw that Davos would be “needed” in Stannis’ fight against the creatures beyond the Wall, so he — like Gendry — will live to see another day!

Jon Snow: Shot (Almost) Through The Heart

Was I the only person worried we’d lose yet another (half) Stark this week? During an emotional goodbye, Ygritte (Rose Leslie) shot three arrows into Jon Snow (Kit Harington), as he rode off towards the Wall. When he got there, he could barely recognize his comrades — but thankfully, he was alive!

Thank. The. Gods.

The Disgraced Daughter & The Demon Monkey

Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) and Tywin kicked off this week’s finale with one of their classic father-son chats about Sansa (Sophie Turner), which ended with Tyrion shouting, “I will not rape her!” It was like a scene straight out of Leave It To Beaver.

Speaking of disgraced daughters, Cersei (Lena Headey) was happily surprised to witness the return of Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) to King’s Landing! We didn’t get to see how they celebrated their reunion, but I’m sure in nine months, we’ll all find out. #IncestParty

But the best scene at King’s Landing this week had to be Joffrey’s (Jack Gleeson) little temper tantrum. He got super fussy when Tywin threatened his authority as king, and literally screamed out, “I’m not tired!” Can someone just give him a sippy cup — full of poison — already?!

Theon’s Special Delivery

Freshly de-weened, Theon (Alfie Allen) remained all-tied-up on the Bolton torture machine this week, while Ramsay taunted him by eating pork sausage and punching him in the face. Ramsay also sent the Greyjoys a box containing Theon’s manhood — apparently penis-grams are popular gifts in Westeros — and demanded that they vacate the Iron Islands.

And while Theon’s father refused to do anything to help his son, Yara (Gemma Whelan) had slightly stronger convictions. She gathered 50 of the Iron Island’s best killers and set sail to save Theon. (P.S. Remember when he fingered her on a horse? Gross.)

And Then There’s Sam

The rolly polly renegade stumbled upon Bran’s (Isaac Hempstead-Wright) motley crew and urged them to head away from the incoming Wildlings. I was hoping Bran would do something more interesting this week — like jump into Hodor’s body and teach him how to say something other than “Hodor” — but sadly, no dice.

HollywoodLifers, what did you think of the season finale? Were you hoping for a more climactic ending, or were you satisfied with Daenerys’ new mommy status? Drop a comment with your insta-reviews below!