Bed Bugging

Updated on January 12, 2012

Source

This is not a hub about actual bed bugs, if you were looking for information on bed bugs this hub will be of no help.

For the most part, I've always been a sound sleeper, and most of the time I have no problems getting to sleep. My wife and I share a queen size bed, that in my opinion should have no problems accommodating us. She is small, around 5'2, (although she claims she's 5'3). I'm 6'2, lanky, but not all that big. Regardless of our obvious size difference, my wife seems to think we should have the exact amount of space in bed.

Despite this, we usually do just fine in our queen size. Other times however, I am amazed how much of the bed this woman can use. No corner of the bed is left untouched, each square inch of the mattress is inhabited at some point during the night. Sometimes I feel like I'm sharing a cot with Shaquille O'neal.

The other morning I asked her if she had enough room in bed. I thought I was being sarcastic until she informed me I had slept on her side all night. Perplexed, remembering at one point waking up to find one of my feet on the floor just to keep from falling, then finding arms and legs wrapped around my back and neck, I started to laugh. I then wondered where exactly her side of the bed began or ended. Do I really want to start this fight?

Of course I do. I was also informed that I constantly take up all the room in the bed. Still confused, and not learning my lesson, I tell her about how I woke up last night. Oh stop, you did not, you have plenty of room over there! I let this go, secretly wanting to video tape my wife the next time she sleeps but knowing that may a little creepy if caught.

I've tried to move my wife in her sleep, this only makes the situation worse. Speaking in tongues, she will mumble and moan and somehow end up even more on my side of the bed. Trying to move my wife when she is asleep is like trying to block Lawrence Taylor after telling him your quarterback has a free bag of cocaine in his helmet, not going to happen.

The newest twist to the situation is our puppy Mason. I have no problems with the dog sleeping at the foot of the bed, but Mason has decided he would like a pillow under his little head. When I'm asleep, he shimmies his way up between us and falls fast asleep. Now, along with knees and elbows, I have the pleasure of waking up to paws jabbing me in the face, or a nice wet puppy sneeze in the middle of the night.

Don't feel too bad for me though, it's really not that bad. I'm happy to have my wife by my side, or on top of my side in this case. I've tried to sleep in the other room, but it was weird. I woke up wondering where I was, on the wrong side of the house, with Mason on top of me anyway. I guess I was on his side of the bed.

Comments 24 comments

It's only just getting started, my newly-married friend. Then comes the thermostat war, the snoring, the war over the toilet seat, the left-turn vs right-turn vs let's just ask for directions vs no way will we ask for directions... Marriage is quite the wellspring of subject matter for humor, wouldn't you agree?

debbie roberts 5 years ago from Greece

I found your hub amusing, probably because I can relate to it. The bed hogging is worse in the summer when it's hot and we both want to sprawl.

princesswithapen 5 years ago

weestro

Haha, this was a hilarious hub. In fact, the most amusing read of the day so far for me! It brought a smile to my face and has left me pondering on how some of the most simple things in life are the memories that stick will with us for a lifetime. Bed bugging, Haha! Great hub and I'm definitely sharing this with friends and followers.

Princesswithapen

Millionaire Tips 5 years ago from USA

Ah the joys of sharing a bed.

rlaha 5 years ago from Spartanburg, SC

Haha! This is so true! My husband complains about me hogging the bed while I complain about him hogging the bed all the time! We also share a queen size bed but sometimes it isn't enough for 2 people. I wake up sometimes squeezed up against the wall while my husband is literally in my "space" and other times he is nearly on the floor because I was hogging most of the bed. It happens, and it will continue to happen. Great hub! Thanks!

weestro 5 years ago from Virginia Author

Good to know this isn't just my problem! Thanks to everyone for your comments!

Alecia Murphy 5 years ago from Wilmington, North Carolina

Weestro, I'm 5'3" and I take up a full size bed to myself. I think when I do share a bed I'll probably end up getting a double California king so there won't be too many problems. Now all I have to do is hope someone invents it.

weestro 5 years ago from Virginia Author

Thanks Alecia, and keep me informed on that double!

freecampingaussie 5 years ago from Southern Spain

Lol ! We are both short so it works well , in winter we snuggle up & in summer we still like to be close , have the air con on so it is not too hot for horizontal dancing ! LOL!

jenn-zee 5 years ago from Toronto, Ontario

Hey, at least she doesn't snore. I could tell you some stories about THAT! :-)

seeing 5 years ago

I'm widowed now, but before my hubby passed we solved our bed hogging problem by buying a king size adjustable bed (which is actually 2 twin beds placed side by side). We eventually placed a bedside table between the beds which gave a better solution. That way, we each had room for 2 dogs as well.

FloraBreenRobison 5 years ago

As someone who has a hard time getting to sleep in the first place, I tend to use up all of my Queen size bed trying to get comfortable. I'm between 5'4" and 5'5," so average for women

shea duane 5 years ago from new jersey

I agree with twodawgs... just the beginning!

purp-drag913 5 years ago from West Michigan, USA.

Maybe you need one of those "sausage," pillows for a blockade...

weestro 5 years ago from Virginia Author

Not a big snuggler, I've tried and after 10 minutes of moving and being restless it's time for me to get back on my side.

Neither of us snore thank god jenn-zee

I can see that down the road seeing!

It's amazng how much space women use florabreen!

yes, i totally agree with two dogs shea.

that's good purp, I think you're on to something!

Thanks for the comments guys, My turkey-induced coma provided a great night sleep!

DeborahNeyens 5 years ago from Iowa

My husband and I used to share our queen-size bed with 90 pound lab who had to sleep right in the middle with her head on the pillow and a 15 pound cat who slept on our feet and would bite if we moved. The dog's gone now and the cat sleeps in the basement with the new dog. We learned our lesson.

weestro 5 years ago from Virginia Author

That's too funy Deborah, you have to watch those biting cats!

PDXKaraokeGuy 5 years ago from Portland, Oregon

my wife also accuses me of hogging the bed, but, since we like to cuddle, it's okay...

Stephanie Henkel 4 years ago from USA

My husband always claims he doesn't hog the bed, but he lies...he actually tipped me onto the floor once because I was crowded so close to the edge. Cute hub! Obviously, there's a lot of bed bugging going on!

BJC 4 years ago from Florida

This is a great read for this morning and oh so true! Hubbie and I take turns hogging the bed. Unfortunately, for him anyway, he ended up on the floor because he was in "my" space . Love the hub!

ignugent17 4 years ago

This is really so nice to read. I enjoyed it. I will let my husband read it tonight and maybe we make some adjustments in expnading my space .

Voted up and more.

Thanks for the laughs!

weestro 4 years ago from Virginia Author

Funny Stephanie, my wife has claimed the same thing, I don't remember it though! Good luck!

weestro 4 years ago from Virginia Author

It not a good night's sleep unless someone ends up on the floor BJC, Thanks for reading!

weestro 4 years ago from Virginia Author

Thanks ignugent, adjustments in my house always seem to mean something I need to do!