4 Ways to Bring Back the Spark in Your Marriage

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Remember when you fell in love with your husband and everything he did was adorable, romantic, and perfect in every single way? Well, if you’ve been married for a while, that perfect ship has probably sailed. Nearly everything he does can be annoying now. The way he breathes, leaves his dirty socks on the living room floor, chews, leaves tiny whiskers all over the sink, and somehow can’t manage to actually put his dirty clothes in the dirty clothes hamper but just next to it. Every. Single. Day.

The more sex you have, the more you'll feel like having it.The V. Club

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Don’t get us wrong, we know you love your husband. Everyone struggles with living with other people and it can be, in a word, taxing. And not an I-just-got-my-refund-time-for-a-new-purse taxing. No new Coach purse for you — just a husband that sometimes makes you want to commit murder. He’s saved, no doubt, by being adorable and telling you how much he loves you, reminding you why you decided that he was ‘the one’ those many moons ago.

The way we look at it, this has to happen to every relationship. Brangelina only made it two years after tying the knot – and we’re talking Brad Pitt here. You’d probably put up with a lot from Brad Pitt, but even with a butt that nice, dirty socks may have been the deal breaker for Angelina. The point is – everyone has a limit, and it’s natural and downright human to get sick of a person sometimes. Still, you’re married and so you’re in it for the long haul – a long haul that can be happy, fruitful, and fulfilling for the both of you. You simply need to find a way to deal with your frustrations minus a life sentence without the possibility of parole. So, here’s our best advice for reclaiming and rekindling your relationship so you can go the distance.

Where Has All the Passion Gone?

Passion – that chemical cocktail of neurotransmitters and hormones – is what drives us at the very beginning of our relationships. It’s exciting. It gives flight to butterflies in your stomach. In the early days of your marriage, it’s probably what allowed you to overlook the little things that now drive you crazy. When you’ve got passion, little else matters. To put it simply, passion helps you to get along with your partner as you tackle everyday obstacles together. So, it seems pretty intuitive that if you can rediscover passion, then you can rediscover and reconnect with the man you chose to love and honor until death do you part. You know, the natural sort of death that doesn’t involve you slowly poisoning him.

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First, we need to take a look at a way guaranteed to not rekindle the passion in your relationship. We live in the real world. We know that just because you’re married doesn’t mean you’re dead. We all scope out all the hotties at the gym, looking good in their workout gear. The gym is an optimal ogling zone! But, some women can become so despondent about the decline in romantic gestures, quality time spent together, and (gasp!) sex in their marriage that they go looking for love in all the wrong places and end up stepping out. Taking a left-handed honeymoon. Going off the rez. Cheating.

We’re not here to judge, people make mistakes and this kind of stuff happens. But we’d be remiss if we didn’t mention that cheating isn’t going to get you what you want. The grass is definitely not greener on the other side. All relationships change and evolve over time, and not always in ways you see as positive – but that doesn’t mean they aren’t worth fighting for. Plus, avoiding venereal diseases is one of the many benefits of a monogamous relationship, so keep that in mind too.

Don’t lose hope, ladies! You can rediscover all the things about your husband that made you love him in the first place. Your husband is still the guy you fell in love with, with his adorable quirks and eyes only for you, which means he’s worth it. A relationship is work, but it’s work worth doing. You simply need to remember that the love hasn’t gone away; it’s just been buried a bit under dirty socks on the living room floor and whiskers in the sink.

How to Find Passion Again

If you want to rekindle your desire for each other, there are some steps you need to take to make it happen. And don’t just look at this as a time to work on changing him either because this is for you too. A little introspection never hurt anybody. Well, almost nobody.

Take time for yourself. You need to first work on you. By this, we mean find a new hobby, a social club, and some new interests. Work on filling in some of what you think you’ve been missing in your relationship by taking steps to make yourself happy – be the master of your own destiny. As a very last resort, you may need to take drastic measures by taking some time away from your relationship and then coming back together with a better understanding of what is it you loved about one another from the start.

Sex it up. You know the saying “fake it until you make it”? Well, that applies here! The more sex you have, the more you’ll feel like having it. So, strive to have sex as much as you can but add some flare. Get some books, videos, and sexy accessories to take your sexcapades to the next level. Make it like a homework assignment for yourself every day. You don’t have to be someone else, but learn some new tricks and try to add some variety to your sex life – hopefully, he’ll follow suit. Premeditated sex may feel strange at first, but you may be surprised how much his attitude changes when he’s getting some frequent sexual healing and how much more connected you will feel.

Change your perspective. Instead of focusing on the things you don’t like about your partner, focus on what you do like. You hate his socks on the floor, but does he have nice feet? You hate his whiskers in the sink, but isn’t his beard sexy? You hate the way he chews, but he makes a damn fine homemade pizza. You get the idea – turn a negative into a positive and you’ll notice a big change in your attitude. You may find this tip helpful if you apply it to other areas of your life, not just in your pursuit to bring the spark back to your relationship.

Play his strengths. You know what he’s good at, so let him be good at them. If he made you laugh all the time once, then let him make you laugh again. Let him be what he once was to you, because everyone needs to feel validated. And this works especially well on men, who are naturally programmed to want to make their partners happy. A man can love you with everything he is, but if he doesn’t feel validated, he’ll find someone else who will.

These tips are just a start to get you back on the road to a satisfying relationship. We know that relationships aren’t easy, but if you’re with the right person, then they will always be worth it. Plus, going through rough patches and coming out on the other side together has a way of strengthening a relationship and adding to your history together. That shared history you have together will never be repeated or captured with someone else, and it’s worth the effort you have to put into it to stay together. So cherish what you have together, give it a little sun, and watch it bloom for you once again. You won’t regret it, especially when you’re sitting on your cute little covered porch, clasping each other’s wrinkled hands, and reminiscing about the long life you have shared together.