Surrogacy process, thoughts, and feelings through the eyes of the Intended Parents. Miracles, miracles! Enjoy!

The first several months of my baby’s life, I was consumed by the grief from the hysterectomy and how I was possibly going to have more children.

There are five stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, & acceptance. I went through all of them, and through them and then through them again. It was very difficult, because more than not, I didn’t know what I was going through, I just knew I was struggling.

I told Gordon, “maybe I still have my uterus since I don’t remember them taking it out. Lets see if we can get pregnant. I’m sure I can.”. I struggled with the reality of it.

I was very angry with myself (like I felt responsible for what happened), and with God (that He could take something so special and important to me). I was put to sleep to have a baby, and woke up with my world turned upside down. I never got a choice in the matter. It was not fair, and it didn’t make sense to me.

I had a very hard time being around pregnant women. I would stare and get lost in what I could never experience again…..I found myself bargaining with God, “If I could only change what happened, I would do anything”. I couldn’t make sense of it, because so much happened while I was unconscious. I tried to figure out what I could have done differently.

All I heard from expecting mothers was, “I look so fat” or “this baby is kicking me, it’s so uncomfortable”. Everytime I turned around, I was hearing negative things said about something so beautiful and wonderful. I couldn’t stand it!!!

I knew nobody could fully understand what I was going thru, so it was hard to talk to anybody about it. When I did talk about it, people would say things (trying to help), and completely trigger me. I couldn’t believe the things (called advice), that they were giving me. I didn’t want to talk to anybody, about anything!

Intended Parents!

I am married 7 yrs. to a wonderfully supportive husband, Gordon. I have one beautiful daughter, Destynee, whom I was barely able to carry myself. She's our first miracle!!!
I have decided to add some of my experiences with my pregnancy with her.

After having an emergency hysterectomy, and greiving the hope of ever having more children, the possibility of surrogacy came into our lives.

I am an Intented Parent currently in a surrogate process, with my sister, Alice, as my Surrogate Mother. My wish is to receive and give, support and insight. I welcome comments and questions.