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mom, dad, baby, and PORN

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so, my husband and i have the same phone,and when my phones dead, i use his. well i was using his last night and used his internet and all he has on there is porn! he has googled several things from naked girls to sex, to name a few of the not to raunchy things, along with porn sites, i asked him about it and he got defensive and said hes doing nothing wrong. then wanted sex. im sorry but i dont want to have sex when hes going to have the thought of porn stars are in his head. so we hada fight, what is your opinoin? i feel that he shouldnt have to look at it bc im here!

Mom Answers

For the women out there who have issues with their man watching porn - Do you get upset when they masturbate? Believe it or not, sometimes masturbating is less about sexual thoughts and feelings and more about anxiety. Many men, when they're feeling stressed about work or home life, tend to masturbate as a way to relieve the tension and anxiety. They obviously aren't making love to you and have to be thinking of something dirty which may or may not involve you. They could be fantasizing about pizza for all we know but would you get upset that your man was masturbating? Are you going to get upset with the thoughts in his head? I think the women here who claim their husbands would never watch porn are the ones with the body image issues and self esteem problems.

My baby's daddy watches porn as well and chances are he has been ever since he knew about masturbating and porn. Generally women get offended by this when they have snooped around and found it. I did even though I knew it was possible. It was reassuring for me to hear from him that he loves my body and enjoys making love with me. Honestly I have watched porn a few times here and there. I would say it is okay and completely normal and healthy just as long as he is not replacing you. I wouldn't make him feel bad about it. Maybe you could talk to him about how you feel about your sexual relationship together and how being pregnant is affecting your sexuality. Enjoy the talks, cuddles, and sex while you can if you are up to it because none of that maybe possible when the baby comes.

Maybe this won't be a popular answer but porn is dangerous in a marriage because for some men it can get more and more raunchy and lead to other things. If you are hurt by it, whether he feels it is wrong or not, he shouldn't do it out of love for you. That would kill my desire for my spouse if I knew he were looking at it. Guess we are all different.

My boyfreind is a "porn watcher" too. I say, as long as he isnt out cheating it's okay. Our son is 2 months old and to be honest, we have had sex once since he was born. Im just never really in the mood for it, so if he can be satisfied by watching porn then i say, who cares? Every man watches porn, odds are, he was watching it long before you found out. It really isnt anything to do with you, im sure, men just like to watch porn. No biggie....

OK not all men watch porn and no it is not normal. And women who think it is or turn a blind eye must have very low self esteem. Porn is cheating and you can disagree all you want but that is a fact. I don't understand how women can think a man watching other people have sex is ok. Porn is a very serious addiction just like so many others. It wouldn't hurt to go see a marriage counselor. We need more men to stand up and lead their family and be good examples and not sit around and be disgusting. That doesn't mean there is no hope, you just need to get him help and now rather then later when the "just looking" isn't enough. I seriously wish you the best.

so all these women on here that say porn is normal are telling you to ignore your feelings that he shouldn't watch it and just look the other way. I mean wow. Has no one ever been in a relationship where your husband actually loves and cares about you enough to not do something that is bad for his family. And have some of you really come to the point where you have to say "oh make sure you lock your phone so your kids don't see" So if it's so "norma"l why do you have to be so secretive. I mean if "everyones" doing it why is it so taboo.....Seriously? Wake up and smell the coffee!

I can honestly say that at one point in time before my husband and i got married we would watch it together occasionally. Once we got married we decided that we would no longer watch it because we felt as if it was in a way cheating on each other. A lot of people might not agree with it but in a sense it?s true. Porn sexually stimulates and arouses the person watching it. The issue with porn is that is plays on people?s fantasies which is why the porn industry is so lucrative. It?s a problem when people attempt to recreate what they saw or fantasies they might have. Not everyone wants to go out and attempt it but it can become as serious problem because people really do become addicted. There was a point in my marriage that I did find porn on my husband?s computer and like you I confronted him. If I were you I would talk to him about it in a calm manner and find what it is exactly that make him want to watch porn. Let him know how you feel about it. If you do it in a harsh manner his is more likely to become defensive and not tell you anything. Nine times out of ten if he is going the extra mile to hide it he is embarrassed or knew you wouldn?t approve.

wow... i'm truly surprised how so many of the women on here are so against pornography. cheating? well, maybe if you've previously talked about it and made it clear that it's not okay with you. cheating is a knowledgeable betrayal of trust, and most guys wouldn't even think twice about porn. why? because they know that there's nothing wrong with popping their jollies to a magazine/computer screen. women are about touch, men are about visuals (stuff they see) and when a woman masturbates, she may turn off all the lights and just *ahem* enjoy her own company. men are more likely to need something to look at. there seems to be some inaccurate info here about porn leading to other things. saying that is like saying a wet dream leads to blowing your retirement fund on hookers. if porn does lead to more truly bad behavior, the problem actually started somewhere else and it's more likely the person is a nymphomaniac (yes, it's a real disorder, not just bad behavior) or unhappy.

porn isn't normal. it's become something a majority of men do and a majority of women either cope with or do as well, but that doesn't mean it's normal. it IS cheating. bringing another woman into the bedroom even just in the mind, is cheating. it creates an impure relationship where monotony only exists in fantasy land, the same place the other women exist.... but as we know... and as i've seen many times in the women i talk to about this... porn eventually leads to a man cheating. so to "let him" watch porn so that he doesn't cheat is really just asking for a bandaid when you have a heart attack.... might make you feel better for a second, but it's really doing nothing to solve the problem.

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