Spank, swat, tap, smack. Whatever you call it, hitting as a disciplinary tool is a point of parenting contention the world over.

Currently, the Irish government is under pressure to ban smacking. According to the Irish Times, children’s groups have filed complaints with the Council of Europe claiming the rights of Irish children are being violated.

As the Times article explains, The Council of Europe is a “social charter,” of which Ireland is a member and thus obligated to follow treaty guidelines. One of the guidelines includes protecting children from violence. The loophole lies in an Irish common law which allows for “reasonable chastisement.”

The children’s group, the Children’s Rights Alliance, is seeking a ban on corporal punishment in all settings:

“Corporal punishment is a form of violence and ill-treatment from which all children have a right to be protected,” said Tanya Ward, the alliance’s chief executive.

A not so recent CNN report, shows 31 of the world’s nations have banned spanking unconditionally. (Other reports have listed 33 nations.) More than 100 nations have imposed a ban on corporal punishment in schools.

In the United States, while some states have banned school spanking, no bans currently exist against spanking in the home. The discussion of a national ban has come up before.

Sweden made spanking illegal in 1979. If I had to guess, a spanking ban will likely never happen in the United States. In all the spanking debates I’ve followed, there are just too many people who think they have a right to raise their children exactly how they were raised and how their parents were raised before them. Tradition is a hard habit to break.

People also don’t like the idea of ceding their rights to parent as they see fit to the government. Some don’t even agree with imposing a spanking ban on their children’s teachers. Nineteen states still allow corporal punishment in schools.

The blue states prohibit corporal punishment in schools. The red states allow corporal punishment in schools.

I’ve never spanked, nor seen reason to spank, any of my children. If anyone had told me it wasn’t possible to raise a decent child without spanking I wouldn’t have had children. Spanking has never made sense to me, especially considering how often I said “We don’t hit” to my kids when they were toddlers.

RECENT POSTS:

22 Responses to Ireland urged to outlaw spanking

Danny's Mommasays:

September 5, 2013 at 9:15 am

I’m not sure. I’ve never spanked my child, but he has never done anything bad enough to warrant such a punishment. I’m not sure if that sort of disqualifies me from having a valid opinion. I can’t imagine ever hitting my kid, but again he’s never really been that kind of child. I’ve seen other people’s kids act out in ways that made me think “boy that kid could use a good smack” (judge me for that if you will, doesn’t matter, I thought it and I’m not afraid to admit it). It’s such a gray area, because where does one draw the line between spanking and abuse?

I can remember being spanked exactly twice as a kid. I remember who did it, the room I was in, the things I said to plead my way out of it. But I can’t for the life of me remember what I did to get spanked. I’m not convinced it’s a helpful correctional tool, but I don’t have enough evidence.

I appreciate your honesty. I had a similar thought about being disqualified from having a valid opinion. Since I have never had a truly naughty child, I can’t know what I would be driven to if I did. It’s easy to sit back and read the literature and judge when you’re not being challenged. That said, I cannot imagine being driven to resort to spanking.

Sarahsays:

September 5, 2013 at 9:37 am

I believe in spanking if necessary. There has to be serious actions to warrant a spank and spanking is never given out of anger. My daughter has never really needed a spanking and for her the biggest punishment is a time out. Time outs are like the end of the world to her. My son on the other hand is stubborn, hard headed and can completely shut you out in an instant. We rarely spank but like I said I will if I think its necessary. The last one was a few months ago. My son was climbing our entertainment center and I got him down and told him not to climb it. He got angry. When I set him down he just stood in the middle of the living room and I resumed changing laundry. My daughter was laying on the love seat zoned out watching a movie and so my son took his anger out on her. He walked over and head butt her right in the face. He got 1 spank on the bottom for hit. He has never head butt her again.
I don’t think it should be allowed in schools, I don’t think you should do it in public and it should never be out of anger.
I also think that there is a fine line between punishment and abuse and that is where the debate comes in. I would also never punish my child after the fact for something they did. If we are out in public I won’t spank for any reason but I won’t take them home and do it later because they won’t associate the punishment for their actions.

I recall being spanked once for riding my bike out into the road and not looking. Now we could get in a big debate on if I as a child was responsible or was that my parents fault for allowing a situation where it was possible to do. But in the end I was spanked so that I would remember not to go into the road again.

Let me tell you something. There are definitely children who have that “streak” in them and there is no other way to discipline them effectively. My oldest child (a boy) is now 5 and no longer needs to be spanked because of all the spankings he got when he was 3. Our middle child has a totally different personality, and he may not require spankings. Same goes for our youngest, who is a very mild-mannered little girl. Who knows? All kids are different. We didn’t set out to be spankers, necessarily, but good parents do what works for their child’s personality. There were times when I wondered if we were doing the right thing by spanking, but now that he is older, well-behaved and very well-mannered, I KNOW that we did. Some kids are just more difficult to parent, and quite frankly, until you have actually parented one of those children, you need to keep your mouth shut.

Jaysays:

September 5, 2013 at 11:46 am

I remember the reasons why I would get spanked and looking back on it, I totally deserved it. I was a stubborn kid that thought they had all the answers and repeatedly would dart across the street, through the neighbor’s yards, through the neighborhood behind ours and on across a 4 lane highway why…because I asked to go to Kim’s house and no one could take me at the time. My dad would tell me before my spankings that “this hurts me more than it hurts you” and while I didn’t get that statement at the time, I totally get it now that I have kids of my own. Abusing/beating involves anger and is much more extreme than spanking. There may not be a perfectly drawn line between the two but it’s not hard to see the difference between a light swat on the butt and a loud welt leaving smack across the face.

Chrissays:

September 5, 2013 at 12:21 pm

I respectfully disagree with the previous posters. My 3 children are far from perfect, and yet there is nothing they could ever do that would make me want to hit them. Nothing. My husband does stuff that bugs me all the time; I don’t smack him around for it. I honestly don’t see the difference between spanking a child and assaulting an adult.

Spanking does for a child’s development what wife beating does for a marriage.

Alliesays:

September 5, 2013 at 2:07 pm

I used spanking as punishment until I literally broke down hysterically laughing one day when I was about to do it because I finally *heard* how it sounded to say, “If you hit your brother one more time, I’m going to spank you.” Also, my kids got to the same place I got to as a kid…sometimes whatever I was doing that my parents said was bad and deserved a spanking was fun enough that I was willing to take a spanking and get done with it. Just like in school, we had corporal punishment, but it was an option…paddle or x number of days/weeks detention. People chose the paddle just to be done with it.

Spanking becomes the abuse we associate it with as a society when it is done in anger. It has to be done by a calm parent for a specific reason. It can be an effective tool. That being said, I don’t do it because I CANNOT control my temper enough to not do it out of anger. So I took away that form of punishment for myself so it didn’t become abuse. But I was spanked as a kid and don’t remember a single incident. I do however vividly remember my parents making us sit in a small chair together while we hugged each other after fighting. I HATED that!

I don’t believe that spanking is necessarily wrong but there can be a fine line between spanking and child abuse. I have given my son a minor spank and HATED myself for it and never plan to do it again. But I don’t believe that there should be a law against it. I don’t need the government telling me how to raise my child and as long as you’re not abusing your child, I believe a spank if warranted is not always the worst thing in the world.

Yasminasays:

September 5, 2013 at 4:07 pm

I felt like I had to comment on this post as I’m Irish! I’m happy that spanking has been outlawed in schools here for many years (unfortunately for me, not while I was in school, I got many a spanking there despite being a very quite, shy child) but to ban spanking at home? I’m not sure how that would even work. I used to be in favour of spanking until I recently slapped my little girl on the bottom for hurting her baby sister and she slapped me back. I didn’t know what to do, I was shocked. But of course when I thought about it later, who did she learn that from, but me? I am starting to change my mind and think that spanking is a lazy form of discipline and there actually hasn’t been any spanking in our house since, even my hubby is getting on board with this as he sees that time out, taking away toys, positive reinforcement seems to be working just fine without the spanking. Having said that, I was spanked as child, not very often, and I don’t believe my human rights were violated.

bellasays:

September 5, 2013 at 4:09 pm

Oh my gosh. Seriously. This is ridiculous. I spank my daughter when she needs it and I will continue to do so with her and my future children when I feel they need it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Just because there are people out there that abuse their children and beat them and do horrible things to them, does not mean that I should be thrown in the same category. Know why? I am in love with my daughter. I would do anything for her. It’s because I love her that I spank her. She does not get spanked every day and she does not get spanked over every little thing. She gets spanked if she does something dangerous after I have already sat her down and explained to her why she is not to do those things. And there is nothing, not one thing wrong with that. I am very self controlled and there will never be an issue with me spanking my child out of anger. I am getting tired of this spanking= abuse ideology. In my case, parents that I know personally that don’t spank their children are very wimpy and won’t teach their children what is right and wrong. Instead they give excuses and let their kids act any way they want. And those children are very very disrespectful and disruptive and disobedient. That has been my experience with children whose parents don’t spank. Am I saying that all children who don’t get spanked are this way? No. But for me, that is what I have experienced and witnessed and I do not like it and it only convinces me that I am doing the right thing. So give me a break.

I’m one of the ones who simply doesn’t like the idea of the government dictating what I can and can’t do in parenting my children. I think this would just open up a huge space for them to intrude far too much. Who’s to say what is and isn’t necessary? All kids are different. I have one who absolutely NEEDS a spanking here and there to stay in line, and one who really doesn’t need them at all. The one who needs them isn’t easily guilt tripped and has a slower conscious and shorter attention span (hence why time outs are less effective), the one who doesn’t is very mild and easily feels guilt. See? not even the same in the same family with the exact same upbringing. At any rate, I think it’s dangerous territory to allow government to dictate private parenting matters (I’m perfectly okay with a ban in schools).

Haileysays:

September 5, 2013 at 5:55 pm

I think spanking is neccessary. That’s not to say I’ll spank for every little indescretion, but it sure as heck means that if my child runs out into the street when they’re old enough to know better, that they’ll get popped a few times. They put themselves in danger? I’ll spank to shock, so that they know I’m serious.

kimsays:

September 5, 2013 at 9:46 pm

My parents spanked me. Once I was told not to get into quick-sand, yes, quick-sand, and I stuck my foot in it and lost one of my flip-flops so of course I had to explain what happened to my shoe (I was with other kids and was showing off that I would indeed stick my foot in this mud). My Dad flipped out, spanking me with a fly-swat. He was right to do that as I could have died by not obeying him if I had had a crazy idea to go in with both feet. Another time, I stole money from a friend at her garage sale and put the money in my panties which made a jingle sound. My Dad asked me where I had gotten the money and I said I had found it. He spanked me again and then told me it was because I had lied to him and stolen money (which I had to take back). I was just that way. I broke the dial on my Dad’s fancy music player which I wasn’t supposed to touch and when asked, adamantly blamed it on my younger brother (I was always blaming my brother!). Another big spanking. I deserved all of those spankings. Can anyone today believe that over the years, during my adult life, people have said that I simply didn’t need to be so honest? Well, my Dad “taught” me to be Honest. We have a daughter and she really doesn’t need spankings, at least so far, but if she did something really wrong and knowingly, I would spank her if I thought that would work and make her realize her wrong doing. There are consequences for wrong-doing, and spanking worked for me but I’m not certain it would work for our daughter. My mom grounded my brother and me for 2 days and said “never again” as we had a great time together, playing. Unfortunately, I do believe there are children, like the child I once was, that coddling and talking isn’t enough. Sometimes, for some children, I do believe that spanking is necessary and effective.

Julie Worleysays:

September 6, 2013 at 6:50 am

Parents of a kindergarten student who was excessively paddled twice in one day by his elementary school principal, resulting in deep bruising injuries and trauma to the 5-year-old, are suing the principal, the director of schools and Morgan County for $1.7 Million dollars! U.S. Schools in 19 states legally spank/paddle students kindergarten through twelfth grade with approximately 20,000 seeking emergency medical attention.
See the brutally violent truth about U.S. taxpayer funded public school corporal punishment of children at YouTube video trailer for Documentary Movie “The Board of Education” by Jared Abrams. Search 2008 Whistleblower Report “A Violent Education” by Human Rights Watch and ACLU, first page relates incident where 5th grader had to have underwear peeled from his genitals due to dried blood from school paddling, he was paddled again shortly thereafter, so his parents had to remove him from school and homeschool him as school employees cannot be trusted not to assault and traumatize children. The report also has photos of actual shaved baseball bats used to hit children in U.S. public schools!

Laughingcakesays:

September 6, 2013 at 7:43 am

We had children really young and my husband and I both came from abusive families. We spanked our sons, probably too much, they are now 13 and 17 and I couldn’t ask for better kids. We recently had another suprise, a little baby girl and now I am faced with the question of spanking hopefully as an older and wiser parent.. The conclusion I have come to is that it is important to be consistent regardless of the method of discipline that you use and that your intentions should be to train and teach your child to be successful happy adults. I always felt guilty after spanking our kids so I do not plan on spanking this time around, but she is only 4 mo so it is hard to say. I think we should be able to accomplish the same goal using alternative forms of discipline.

Laughingcakesays:

September 6, 2013 at 7:46 am

Also, we never left bruises on our children although I do think we sometimes spanked out of irritation. There is no excuse for leaving bruises on a child.

Spanking does for a child’s development exactly what wife beating does for a marriage. And the self justifications offered by the one class of hitters closely parallels those offered by the other.

Laughingcakesays:

September 6, 2013 at 7:57 am

Sarah I 100% agree with you. The government has no business telling us how to raise our children. It is a scary thought giving the government that much control it always bothers me when you hear these comments about controlling who should or shouldn’t be able to have kids, what’s next, forced sterilization?

Get weekly e-mails with development articles, parenting news, and more!

Hot Topic

We can’t guarantee your kids will eat everything you pack in their lunches — heck, we can’t promise they will take one single bite — but these super-cute totes and sacks sure can make food tempting. Think form and function in one sweet package. You might just need one to liven up your desk-side dining. Shopping… Read more »