My old man has two numbers and none of them work. I believe this is a deliberate ploy to stop his sons talking to him, so that, on his death bed, he can curse us for being crap, and give his huge record collection away to some Polish Orphans or West Bromwich Albiom out of spite.

But never mind that. Summer is here, I am skint, but Martin swung by earlier with some bread and eggs and bananas and orange juice, so I am all tummy full of goodness, AND he bought me The Independent, so I took that to the park and read it in the sun, lifting my head occasionally to watch some children beating the living crap out of each other. Life might not be a bowl of cherries, but it isn't a bowl of shit either.

I think that it is a bowl.

In case you'd not been looking at the gigs page, or that funny flash thing on the right, or the scrolley red headline above, me and my band are playing London's ULU this Saturday. It will be really really indie! Ladyfuzz and my dear old pals Cazals are playing too, and Eddy TempleMozzer is DJing. It'll be ace! PlayLouder have a competition to win tickets going on, so if you wanna come for free, go over there and enter. Or just hang around outside the venue until Jeres turns up and give him some cider.

In other ME news, I have made a new background for my MySpace page, and uploaded the Chris de Burgh sampling version of Thanks For All The AIDS, which isn't ever going to be released, not unless Chris de Burgh gets really skint and quits cockblocking me, anyway. I love you Chris de Burgh! Why do you forsake me so?

I guess that's what happens when you love. If your heart is on your sleeve, people can see where to stick sharp objects in it. Keep it in your ribs, it's safer. Die cool! We invented air conditioning and central heating, it doesn't matter any more!

A-HAW! I crack me up.

Hey, speaking of big hairy Funny, remember when those cray-zee Imperialist Neo-Con Nu-Monarch Yanks promised the Iraqis freedom? Turns out it was pretty much the same freedom Abe delivered the slaves. Iraq's only gone and got their fucking gangs. WOW! DOT! COM!

Speaking of which, remember I was telling you about Bill Gates' plan to charge for sending and receiving emails, (which will kill mailing lists) and the government run Internet 2 (which will kill the internet)? Shit is speeding up in that area at a fucking alarming rate.