I feel like every single post I make starts with a “sorry I haven’t posted in forever but I’ll be better…” so today, I am hear to sign a different tune.

I most definitely can’t promise that i’ll post again in the next 6 months or ever again for that matter. I also can’t promise that anything I have to say will be remotely interesting.

You see, I have a pretty boring life on paper (and camera) but its hecka busy in real life. 40+ hour work weeks, 3 kids (one super duper clingy- ps did I tell you I had a 3rd? 3/5/15… he is a spunky, clingy, needy, sassy love), a husband, dog, a couple friends , book clubs/church groups etc.

I am on the mom and working woman grind, pretty hard. Besides the thoughts rumbling around in my head while running kids to school and making dinner, I don’t have much to say other than “I am so tired, so blessed and so happy with the cards that I have been dealt.”

I really want to start to try to type these thoughts out on here as a journal of sorts, more for me to practice “voicing” myself in verbage that may or may not include Daniel Tiger songs ( too bad you can’t watch that on Netflix anymore- lame PBS, share!). Because, somewhere between managing Millenials and raising kids I hope are opposite, I’ve stopped exercising semi-intelligent conversations/thought patterns.

I would never say I have “lost” myself in my current life, especially as a negative saying. Because, if being lost meant I got 3 wonderful kids, a pretty decent (not lacking status quo challenges) job and being married to my BFF, then I’d be lost any day!

I recently restarted Take Shape for Life (which I will refer to as Medifast out of habit) and dropped 13lbs in August. I was so far from 100% focused so I could have done much better. It is SO freaking hard to regain focus when you can barely function outside of autopilot. How do you get that added into autopilot? That is another blog for another day… maybe.

Short Version of life update:
– Gained a ton of weight and have a goal to loose 100lbs in a year
– Working a ton
– Have 3 amazing boys, one of which starts 1st grade in 4 days.
– My husband is incredibly giving and supportive. This year was our toughest one but let me tell you, I’m glad we have put in the work to fix us!!!
– We are going to Disney in December !!!

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I dislike messes.
I dislike not having control.
I dislike things taking a long time.
I dislike sticky.

I love my boys.
I love smiles.
I love excitement.
I love fun.

Tonight was a combo of all of the above.

Tonight we made this

I made the mix, put into bowls, added food coloring. They mixed food coloring in and took turns plopping the individual colors into the pan and swirling it around. They were covered in colorful cake mix. Covered.

After looking at it through the lit glass on our oven door, their cake baby was done baking. There was so much anticipation for it to be done baking that the beep of the timer brought joyous dancing and cheering.

As soon as they discovered we can not, in fact, instantly ice and eat out project there were heaps of tears. The next 45min were painful for all. Them wanting to dig in and me not wanting to hear “is it time yet?” One more time.

When it was time to ice the cake, it seemed like it took 6 hours for them to slather the sea blue, skin dying, substance all over. It took EVERYTHING in me not to take control, whip it out and keep it clean. But I didn’t.

We worked on how to correctly ice. Gently stroking gobs of frosting on the entire surface of the cake as to not bring up chunks of the cake into the frosting. They were so into it, so into learning, so into their project.

Our last and final step was to sprinkle to cake with the fish sprinkles. One little fishy at a time, the school of fish started to grace the surface of the cake. Then, I showed them how to sprinkle it by holding your hand up above the cake, rubbing your thumb over your fingers and watching the sprinkles randomly fall over the cake. Then comes my favorite part, the exaggerated sprinkling. Their little arms up as far as they can reach, shaking their hands in attempt to mimic my motions and HUGE smiles.

They were so proud of their creation. So proud. And I’m so proud of them.
Letting them be little, letting them make messes, letting them have dirty fun. Its something I’m not good at. It is something I need to work on because it is something they love.

I leave you with a finished product pic as I’m off to wash about 10 bowls, 8 spoons and some knifes .

Let your littles be little. Dare you!

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Recently, there was a post going around on Facebook titled “I pump so other mothers will think I breastfeed”. This post, along with a few other things that have been surfacing lately have left me more than frustrated.

NO ONE IS HOLDING A GUN TO YOUR HEAD TELLING YOU THAT YOU HAVE TO BREASTFEED!!! NO ONE!!!

If, in fact, you feel like someone truly is. Get out of that toxic relationship. Because they are far from supportive and far from a true friend. A true friend empathizes with you, offers support where they can and stands behind you in your decisions.

I chose to nurse my 3 kiddos. Let me tell you, it has (and still is) a ROUGH journey that ended sooner than I was ready for. Jayden, due to stressful and odd work situations as well as allergies, I was only able to pump until 6 months before moving to formula. Josiah straight up said “thanks mom, I’ve got it from here” at 10.5 months so to formula he went. Judsen, at 4 months, is still nursing. If you know me personally, you will know that it is by the grace of God we are still nursing. Anything that could go wrong, has gone wrong. BUT I am determined to nurse.

Why am I so determined to nurse? Let me tell you, it isn’t because of media or anyone else telling me that I need to. I want to because I feel like it is the best route for MY kids. Did I say your kids? NOPE! I want to look back and feel like I provided the best base for their little lives. What I picture when looking back includes breastfeeding, getting mommy’s perfect milk.

Do I think that everyone needs to nurse?? NOPE! I do think it would be great for them to get the colostrum early on if possible but I don’t think that babies are only loved, well cared for or whatever if they are breastfed!

I think, like with most things in life, we create these expectations on our-self. Pressure to be thin, have this kind of hair, dress that way, eat this food etc. No one is forcing us to do those things but we feel that we are failing if we don’t do that. Media has a bit to do with it but really, its our own mind.

So, stop blaming others for choices you made and may regret. Stop taking offense to things that aren’t meant to be offensive. Make informed decisions and be happy with what you chose, don’t let anyone hate on your parade.

You love your baby and how you feed them, breastmilk or formula, has nothing to do with that!

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The ONLY good thing about postpartum bodies is the milk monster that you just labored out…. well that and a larger cup size (for those larger women, this isn’t really welcomed).

I’m doing a collaboration with a few women on YouTube about our after baby bodies, the struggles, the tribulations and everything in between. If you have a moment, watch my video as well as the other women’s. It is very insightful for those who haven’t even had a baby!!

Body image is something we all struggle with, regardless of our stage in life. What we do to change that is the biggest thing. Put the sweat pants away, throw out the DQ and get moving. I’m so far from doing those above steps but I’m trying really hard. We all have our days. Like I said in my video, at the end of the day we need to be healthy and that is all that matters!!!

I hope this blog post finds all my cyber friends doing well, happy and healthy!
If you know a new momma, ask them how you can support them in this journey. Tell them frequently they look great!!!!

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My brother and sister-in- law welcome a precious little girl in the world today. Avi Nita joined us weighing 7lbs 1oz and 20′. Holding her little dainty self made my kids feel like beasts. It is incredible how much different her newborn self is from my 12 week old guy. Painfully crazy.

As a mom of 3 babies, I feel constantly like I’m failing… or running around without my head… or both. But, apparently, others think i’m not doing too shabby as they seek me out with questions about pregnancy, labor and breastfeeding. While I always admit I have no accredited advice, I pass along what has worked for me and offer encouragement whenever I can.

Lately, I’ve really been thinking about just how much I’d LOVE to be a midwife. But, I don’t LOVE the schooling that is required for such a job… specifically biology. I’ve taken it twice. I got a “C” both times, not so well received by this “A” only student. I don’t freaking care about what is in a plant cell. I don’t. Tangent over.

My continued thoughts moved on to what it takes to be a doula. As I began my google search of “how to become a doula”, google so lovingly pre-filled in my search to “how to become a double agent”. I like it! Tummy controlling black leggings, a off white lace filled tank top, pearl earrings and curly hair blowing in the wind as I stand with my hands on my hips and shabby chic cape flowing like a flag behind me. Mommy and Boss by day, Doula by night.

My double agent dream likely won’t be a reality for years and years, if ever, as my circus like life is enough for right now. However, I’d love to sit in on these hippy birthing classes they teach those pursuing doula certification. After all, I’m like 56% hippy. I still use Redkin shampoo and degree deodorant, so shoot me.

Do I jump head first and immerse myself into said classes for fun? Or wait it out? I will tell you one thing… when my husband reads this. He will think I’m crazy, tell me I can’t take them purely out of knowing I’ll want another baby after learning so much more birthing techniques.