Tuesday, February 28, 2012

back to back

i'm always talkin' to people about their journeys, ya know?
it's pretty much what i like to talk about.

and because of that, i get to watch a whole buncha different approaches
to dealing with life stuff and the stuff that holds us back.

oh man, well the coolest stuff has shown up back to back.
and interestingly enough, both stories are with males.

the first guy keeps tellin' me he wants to face things and figure them out.
yet he's doin' everything he can to avoid it.
he's sharing his journey, asking for input, so i get to watch it close up.

i keep mentioning the detours, and he keeps nodding, agreeing, and then
veering off in yet another direction.

i keep saying to him to do whatever he wants, just be honest about what
it is you're doing.

cause i think that part is soooooo important. the just admitting what's really going on.
the being honest.

well, he's just not there yet.
he's so not there.

i get a lot out of watching that. it's not like i never veered off track and didn't
want to face things. so this shows me a lot and reminds me of what i really want.
and it shows me how being dishonest with ourselves really isn't any easier!

the next guy stepped up and said he wasn't okay about what he had to do,
but was doin' it anyway. and commented on how hard it was, but he was okay
with it. he'd do what he saw as right and healthy. even if it was really hard.

and what's cool there is even if he doesn't follow thru on his plans, he's totally
looking at what he's doing and why.

it's not like we're totally gonna get it right just cause we're trying. but i can
see how much the trying and facing it honestly is gonna make a difference
for him. and how tryin' to head to the healthy is such a good goal.

it just happened that these things landed back to back for me.
and i watched and thought 'wow, would you look at that.'
it was like diagrams for me - this is what happens when you won't look at it,
this is what happens when you do.

and then.....you know what? it's not like the outcomes are all rosy and
beautiful. it's all hard stuff. no matter which approach you take. it's all hard stuff.
and it's not gonna guarantee pretty outcomes.

cause that's the way life works!

so right there it's great for me to watch.
it's not about the outcome!

oh man.....here we go again - it's not the destination, it's the journey.

it so so is.

and how is it you want to journey with yourself?
and who do you want to be as you travel?

i'm watchin' and thinking and mulling and turning it all onto my own road.

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the challenge of living

“to allow the sorrow and weight of life and yet to dance with an easy and open heart. to ache in your darkest depths and yet to laugh from your light filled center. to know the reality of humanity and yet to believe in the magic of the stars. to act with love in the middle of the fear and to hold each moment as the gift that it is. this is the challenge of living.”

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'turns out she was beautiful all along -'

slam

“slam the door, i'll open a window. close my window, i'll find a crack in the wall. caulk the opening in the wall - i'll bust thru the bricks - because i'm not a victim anymore”

it was hers

“they took. they invaded. they pushed. they violated. in so many different ways. a lifetime of pushes and takings and making her feel less than valuable. sitting back, she began to see it. how it had gone on and on. and in seeing it, she began to realize - it was up to her now to shout, to whisper, to sing, to move and to believe in her value. no more taking that from her. it was hers. no more giving it away. it was hers. proudly, with strength and with knowing, she held it. she lived it. she became it.”

the whole

“she could never go back and make some of the details pretty. all she could do was move forward and make the whole beautiful.”

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“i want my heart to open and open. 'cause i think god's in there.”

i am

“to lose myself in the dance so much so that love will entangle my bones in its roots, courage will embrace the ashes and wisdom will understand that it's all part of the dance. this is mine for the taking. i pray my hands will grasp it, my heart will open to it, and i will know that i am the dance.”

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Wanting to learn how to dance not only through life, but with life, and understanding that the dancing came from within, Terri began a search inside herself. This book is an account of some of terri's searching and wanderings.

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i matter

“it was when she first dared to see her truth that the winds howled. after a time, it strengthened her and she spoke her truth and the earth shook. and when finally, she believed her truth - the stars rejoiced, the universe opened, and even her bones sang her song: I Matter!”

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thanks

“who do i thank for her? the stars? the universe? she herself? none of these thanks seem enough for such a gift as having her in my life.”

if i could

“if i could teach you anything- it would be to hear your heart, and know your beauty and to believe in your possibilities”

more than anything

“more than anything i want to trust a journey that i don't understand~”

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i am enough

“lifting the cover of shame and self doubt, she dropped it on the ground. stepping into the light she slowly lifted her head. this is who i am. and i am here. and i am enough. the light warmed her face and her heart.”

voices

“the pull was calling again. so strongly it called her. no. she didn't want to answer it... and yet.... she stalled. give it enough time. it will pass. "stall." she told herself. "you can do it." the voices in her head going back and forth, the struggle intense, the moments magnified. and then slowly the call weakened. the spirit strengthened. she stepped forward with relief and pride. she was moving on ~ with an even stronger spirit and a stronger body.”

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allowing it

“it's not about controlling. it's about being present. being open, being aware - and allowing it to come.”

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she fell

“she fell from their graces into her truth.”

the universe

“and the universe listened”

back to life

“weeping tears of recognition she found herself among the ruins and brought herself back to life.”

a gift

“she was a gift. she understood that now. she lived that now. in offering herself to those who valued her, and leaving the others to themselves, she grew. and the gift deepened...”

a new life

“and a new life arrives. possibility is born. may we wrap your heart in gentleness and give you wings of light as you blossom into you. welcome, little one, welcome.”

the light inside

“when things were hard and when it hurt, she closed her eyes - searching for the light inside. slowly, it brightened enough for her to see it. quietly, she felt it - touched it - held it. and steadily it warmed her and softened her once again.”

it's there

“don't wait for it. know it's there already. don't stop to feel it. move in its flow without thinking. don't test the wind... just lift your wings - and leap!”

embrace my scars

“i will accept the falls. embrace my scars. live my Passion. i will not run.”

from the stars

“she came from the stars. it was her job to remember that, to hold that, and to honor that.”