Actually, with this MIL, what might work is for the OP to exclaim, "What a wonderful gift! I can't wait to eat every piece of it!" with a huge smile on her face and taking it away without giving the MIL any impression that she doesn't like it.

The MIL picks this gift knowing that the OP can't eat it; I wonder how she'd react to an enthusiastic acceptance of it.

Or perhaps a "Oh my gosh! Thank you. You must have found some that won't kill me! I can't wait to eat some!"

...and see what she does/says. If she keeps quiet, have your DH take it and throw it away. Later you or DH could mention that you had to throw it away because it turned out there were nuts in it that would make you sick. Otherwise she will have to say that she gave you something that makes you sick. And if she does that, you could say in a very sad voice "Oh. Here DH, could you take care of this for me?" And he could take it and throw it away.

Or perhaps a "Oh my gosh! Thank you. You must have found some that won't kill me! I can't wait to eat some!"

Oops! Sorry I didn't realize the OP's allergy was that bad.

Nothing to be sorry about. I don't know if it is or not, but nut allergies are one of those cumulative ones that can go south very quickly. Like maybe last time they only gave her hives, this time maybe they can kick into full-blown anaphylactic shock. (Hee! The spellchecker doesn't like anaphylactic, and suggests 'intergalactic' among others!) I've heard of deaths where the allergic person says "Oh, that smells so good, and it doesn't bother me that bad", eats the allergen, and dies in just a few minutes when their throat swells shut.

OP, do you have a good relationship with her otherwise? Or is this a really PA way for her to say "I wish you were gone."

« Last Edit: September 14, 2011, 11:46:52 PM by Elfmama »

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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Common sense is not a gift, but a curse. Because thenyou have to deal with all the people who don't have it. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

She gave the yummy chocolates to DH, not me. He sometimes eats things I can't but then we don't kiss again till the next day. And yes, my allergies are that serious. I have to carry an epi-pen at all times. It started off with just tingling in my lips but it got to breathing problems very quickly.

MIL is good with some things but awful at others. The key is if there's any effort involved. She's very generous with the things from her garden and the jam she makes. But it's what's leftover, she's not a `give you last dimeŽ type of person. She comes first. She always makes sure there's a cake I can eat at all birthdays.

If there's any effort involved, you're on your own. "What do you want for your birthday?" A vase, please. "I can't be bothered, I'd have to go to town for it. I'll give you money." `TownŽ is a 5 minute drive and there's no problem parking, etc. It was 3 days till my birthday.

I asked her to get me some bread and milk for when we came back from our holiday. She didn't because, "I'd have had to go to the supermarket, I couldn't be bothered." Again, it's 5 minutes away.

You can see why I've been laughing at her, can't you? It stops you crying

Even though it bothers you, don"t let her see you upset. The purpose of her gift is to see that it got a reaction out oF you. Politely and mechanicaLly say thank you. After a while of seeing non+reaction, she will either quit or (shudder) raise the rudeness factor. Remember, you can"t change/control others, but you can change/control your reaction. Give unwanted gifts to the peopke of your chiuce (mailman, women"s shelter, teacher, etc.). Don"t let it make you into the ugly soul she has.

Okay. You can have some fun. Buy her cheap and "pintless" gidts, like a child"s book (like Cinderella or Snow White because she acts so childish and like the wicked stepmother), or hemorrhoid cream (because see has something bothering her and oh my what a kind and observant daughter-in-law you are), or a box of chocolate (because she loves it so much and you can't figure what else she woulD like). Or just a card, because evenn though that's not is done in Germany, it is after all, the "thought that matters".

Not showing a reaction to her thoughtlessness is actually what she wants. She doesn't want anyone calling her on it as she might have to make an effort then. She actually looks smug if nothing is said - she's got away with making no effort and that's what counts. But she does expect it from me. And she does sulk when anyone gets all excited over other people's presents, so she knows what she's doing.

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Or perhaps a "Oh my gosh! Thank you. You must have found some that won't kill me! I can't wait to eat some!"

I've been mulling this over and I think it's a winner! If I can get the delivery right, she is SO put on the spot! And I won't feel like I'm being rude

I don't think there is anything you can say that will change her ways. Even giving her the benefit of the doubt, it seems she has the idea of you and chocolate firmly fixed in her mind. Does she give everyone chocolate or is it just you?

She's said outright that she can't be bothered to remember that the OP likes licorice, and she's also given the OP chocolate, telling her that she knew the OP couldn't eat it.

To be honest, and I know this isn't eHell approved, I'd be inclined to just look at her, then take the chocolate over to the trash and dump it. These aren't presents, this is a power play. She's telling the OP how little she thinks of her.

I agree with Kimberly Rose, I'd simply say, "Oh. Chocolate." and throw it in the garbage, then continue as if nothing had happened. A gift that the giver knows is not only useless but dangerous to the recipient is a direct insult.

I would not *want* to give this woman any further presents. If you want to keep giving, get her a book in a language she doesn't read. When she complains she can't read Esperanto, shrug and say, "and I can't eat chocolate. But it's the thought that counts, isn't it?"

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My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

The second best would be to send your lovely German chocolate to one of us

When we were on holiday in New England we went to a Lindt shop and it was SO much cheaper than over here - still don't understand that.

You may stumbled upon one of the Lindt factory outlet locations, where the chocolate is up to 75% off. The factory for north america is in NH - one of my relatives used to live near there. Sadly, not anymore!