The dining room has a cooler on wheels with a coffee pot atop, but the kitchen features a recumbant pineapple. Keep looking through the photos, because there’s lots more to find in this Burlingame bungalow! Does this property merit a Good Housekeeping tag of approval, or does the owner merely have a whimsical way with staging?

Bunus: DHO (Dog Hanging Out) in photo #7! Any idea what’s in that shopping bag? It must be important!

August 16, 2012

No, there are no chickens to see at this Mountain View marvel, but the street name lives up to the title billing above. It sure puts us in mind of one of our favorite Warner Brothers characters. I say, I say, I say, son, that is QUITE a price. Thanks very much to Burbed reader mabel du for taking on this turkey.

Currently used a residential rental. Great opportunity to build prime location office space or light industrial, storage/warehouse, or wholesale business. Take advantage of this unique opportunity in the heart of Mountain View!

Why the possibilities for this property are truly endless. Let’s hear from mabel du as to why:

uh… i’m sorta speechless on this one. what a crazy shite-load of weird pictures. and who’s the mystery woman who pops up randomly, waldo’s mom?

$819/sq ft for this? really??? interesting satellite shot from zillow (i.e. yikes!) nothing too helpful on propertyshark. looks like it’s been held in the family for years – would love to know what they paid for it back in the dark ages.

We assure you the pictures inside are just as Special as the yard views.

But why check Property Shark? Both Redfin and Zillow clearly state this amazing place last sold in the dark ages of 2007 for $600,000. And worth every bit of that chicken feed.

August 12, 2012

Remember the basic premise of The Producers? If you oversell interest in a Broadway show, and then deliberately produce the worst musical you can, none of your investors will complain when they lose all their money… and you keep their 40,000% ownership. So our intrepid producer duo went off in search of the worst script they could find, and… hilarity ensues.

So why hasn’t anyone tried this idea with real estate as well? Maybe it’s because not enough in the industry figured out the same trick: in a market downturn you can make more money not selling houses than you can selling them. Read on to know it Tolls for thee.

As newly minted empty-nesters, Daven Sharma and his wife, Anu, spent 2010 searching for a spot for their dream house with views of San Francisco Bay. They found it in the Hayward hills, within a Toll Brothers development.

Shortly after plunking down about $100,000 in deposits, the couple’s dream fizzled. The Sharmas lost not only the house, but their deposit, attorney and arbitration fees — and a sense of justice.

Critics say and records show that Pennsylvania-based Toll Brothers — the nation’s largest luxury homebuilder, with developments in Contra Costa, Alameda, Santa Clara and San Mateo counties — has made it a regular practice to collect forfeited deposits from prospective homebuyers. In fact, it was the builder’s No. 1 source of profit during the down years of the housing market, according to a Maryland class action lawsuit.

From fiscal years 2006 to 2011, according to its own SEC reports, the publicly traded company retained $123 million in forfeited deposits from 3,300 prospective homebuyers.

Read that again: during the housing slump, the number one source of profit was forfeited deposits. At least that’s what one lawsuit says.

There are 155,000 results for the search Toll Brothers Lawsuit. This website has quite a story to tell. While it’s about severe construction problems, the other part of the story is the lengths their attorneys would go to to avoid fixing the house. Ellen Nevens has been fighting Toll Brothers for twelve years. That’s a lot of time and effort to build a house badly and then not fix it. It would be much easier to not build it in the first place.

And that’s what happened to Daven and Anu Sharma when they put a $98K deposit on a Hayward hills homesite in a Toll Brothers community. The Sharmas found out what many others have previously experienced: the sales contract has little flexibility on loan funding. And if, or maybe we should say when, the loan isn’t funded, the contract says no loan means Toll keeps the deposit. The Sharmas indeed lost in arbitration, plus they had to pay another $5600 in fees.

Jim Daman had to sue to get some of his $104K deposit back on a home in Danville. When Toll Brothers didn’t build his house within the promised six months, he watched its market value sink. He eventually settled for $70K. Compared to the Sharmas, he did well. Someone the corporation won the arbitration, claiming that customization had been done and they had outlays. Yet the photo of the dirt lot above is all that was in place when the Sharmas cancelled their contract because their current house didn’t sell.

Here’s the contract language that one attorney called confusing, Daman called “99.9 percent in their favor” and another tried diagramming on a whiteboard to understand it:

Buyer’s failure to fulfill any of such conditions or the termination or expiration of the mortgage commitment after it is received, for any reason, shall not release Buyer from its obligations under the Agreement.

A latter attorney notes that Toll offered some of his Pennsylvania clients loan commitments with conditions that made no financial sense, such as amounts far larger than the agreed sales price. When buyers balked, then Toll would keep the deposit, claiming they were in breach.

“They can make more money by not building the house,” he said.

While the Sharma’s Arundel Drive homesite is not listed, this nearby home on Stonebrae Road is. It looks quite lovely when photographed with a sunset, and it’s “within the gates of TPC Stonebrae Country Club.” According to the virtual tour, the builder is not Toll Brothers, but a firm called True Life Communities who seem to be avoiding any hint of describing themselves with specifics.

But given the story of the Sharmas and their Arundel Drive site being so nearby, we assumed it was the same community. (In fact there are several different builders.) And if you buy this house you’ll have quite the run of neighbors to entertain!

August 11, 2012

It’s the weekend! Time to check out the Open Houses, and share your excursions on this Open Thread! Here’s today’s Red-Hot Home for you. Thanks very much to Burbed reader Ryan, over at Estately, for passing this marvelous mansion along. The property’s a bit more effort to get to, but we think it’s well worth the trip.

Libertarian paradise—no government or laws on Mars. Live free and die.

Agent’s Summary

RARE FIND! Once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to own property on the edge of Gale Crater on Mars! Jump into this lucrative market before the Curiosity Rover exposes it.

Whether you’re a stranded astronaut, a Civil War vet named John Carter, or a plutonium-powered rover that just traveled 354-million miles, this happy homestead is the spot to call home. The perfect place to rest after a long day of analyzing soil samples, blasting rocks with lasers, or searching for signs of life, this quaint casa has it all. The modern bath features a tub and shower (should you ever discover water), an oxygen chamber so you can breathe, and a spacious master bedroom should you locate a life form to procreate with (be fruitful and multiply). Seriously, even if single cell organisms are found on Mars it will take billions of years until they evolve into something like humans.

Avoid Earth’s global warming by living on a planet where the average temperature is -81 degrees fahrenheit. Release as much CO2 into the sky as you want—it might even help develop the atmosphere! Are you morbidly obese? Good news—you just dropped 2/3 of your weight because Mars has only 1/3 of Earth’s gravity! Here on the 4th planet from the sun even the heftiest of humans can break the Olympic pole vaulting record! Just don’t try to breathe the air or you’ll die. Seriously. You will die. This home is move-in ready, priced to sell, and offers LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION!

Listing Provided by Estately Intergalactic Real Estate

We’ve already let Ryan know that here at Burbed we expect to see photos of the toilets. Preferably with the seat left up. Given that this one works using vacuum suction, leaving out that photo is serious mistake on the realtard’s part.

August 10, 2012

And we’re done with another exciting week of properties, finishing off in the “Capital of Silicon Valley”! Today’s featured home was sent in by Burbed reader Tracy Tea House. Sit back and relax as we bring you yet another San Jose Special, after we let Zillow and Redfin duke it out over what neighborhood it’s in. Is it in West San Jose? Is it in the Campbell area? You decide!

456 Ardis Ave
San Jose, CA 95117
Sold for $1,285,000 on 7/27/2012
Sold for $437,000 on 2/3/2012

BRAND NEW CONSTRUCTION, this “Estate Quality” home features a wonderful open floorplan and so many designer features that include a “Chef’s Kitchen w/all stainless appl incl. refrigerator, wine chiller, wet bar, walk-in pantry and more! Fully landscaped! 10′-11′ coffered ceilings, crown/baseboards, 1,200+/- sft attic w/engineered flooring and so much more! A must see! Open Sa/Su 1-4!

Here’s why Tracy sent us this house:

Look quick cause this one shows the pictures from pre-flip. They bought the house in Feb. I think tore it down, built a new house in six months and are trying to sell it for double the purchase.

Guess we didn’t have to look that quick, because Tracy sent this in 3 weeks ago, the day after it was listed. The house went pending 2 days later. It must have been a cash deal, because the sale was recorded just one week after that.

Now we could be party-poopers and show you the fancy pictures on Redfin, or we could be Burbed and revel in the cognitive dissonance between the listing copy above and these lovely photos still available on Zillow from the February listing. We are talking “Estate Quality” in every room.

Also fortunately for us, Redfin saved the pre-flip listing so we can share that description with you too!

New listing! Large 9,300 +/- SF lot. Perfect starter home or for investment! Attached 1-car garage with washer/dryer hookups. Close to Santana Row, Westfield Shopping Center, and entertainment. Close to highways 280 and 880.

Magic Springs Drive. Also includes APN #810-03-004 for total of 4.36 acres. Beautiful and private creekside retreat among the giant redwoods and ferns. Over 20k put into bridge, foundation and engineered plans. No permits. Underground phone line and community spring fed water. Perfect for recreational getaway.

With all the recent chatter about “value in land only”, I thought this might make for an interesting, if not cautionary, tale.

This 4+acre property is nestled deep within a magical forest west of Gilroy. Since it has no street address, Redfin can’t map it, but the Santa Clara County GIS can (via APN 810-03-022).

The property last sold for $800K during the peak of the bubble years. Apparently, the seller planned to build a dream house there, investing over $20K towards improvements, but then gave up (the ogre/county wouldn’t permit it?).

With hopes dashed, the seller resigned to sell the property, but seemed conflicted on asking price (at one point asking twice what was paid for it). Currently, the seller has settled on a less fanciful price of $100K.

It just goes to show that RBA dreaming can only be truly realized in the RBA.

August 8, 2012

Who wants to make a small fortune in real estate? You know what to do: start with a large fortune. That is, unless you’re investing in Real Bay Area real estate. Then all you have to do is let the checks roll in while the property appreciates every single minute!

Thanks very much to Burbed reader Michael Boltonestater for this bodacious apartment block in… of course! Mountain View! In case you haven’t already noticed, we’re giving Mountain View a lot of extra love for three days in a row. Why? Because we didn’t talk about them once last week!

The units are unusually large, averaging 902 square feet. They offer private backyards and balconies that face an expansive green space protected by the city. Built on over half an acre the land offers the investor a very strong long-term investment as both a rental property or a for sale redevelopment opportunity. The property is less than a mile from a number of major Mountain View employers.

Every real estate purchase is an opportunity in the RBA, and this is a great example. We particularly like the realtard’s 100% correct but absolutely useless claim that the units average 902 square feet. The listing info says the building has eight one-bedroom apartments, each 865 square feet, and one 2/1 apartment, weighing in at 1200 sf.

Are you on the fence about buying this place? So’s the math! The Gross Rent Multiplier is 15.03, right in between buy versus rent.

And speaking of opportunity, check out the location!

Looks like you’ll have a front row seat on whatever’s going in that right-of-way! Maybe if you’re really lucky that’s the alternate route for High Speed Rail!

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The posts on this weblog are provided "AS IS" with no warranties, and confer no rights. The opinions expressed herein are my own personal opinions and only represent the view of Burbed.com's editor. Comments are the views of commenters, not Burbed. If companies, properties, etc are mentioned on this blog, you should assume that I have a financial stake in them. Trust no one.