The fashion industry may have cleverly renamed them “waist bags” and “belt bags,” but they’re not fooling me. I roller skated to Ace of Bass “I Saw the Sign.” These are glorified fanny packs (known in the UK as “bum bags” since “fanny” means something entirely different) and having just returned home from Orlando, Florida, presumably the birthplace of fanny packs, I know one when I see one. It may have taken a bit longer for fanny packs to trickle down from the runways (the trend was first spotted in early 2013) to the retail stores, but they’re here and they’re happening. From Chanel to Sarah Jessica Parker (not her first time wearing a hands free handbag), the waist bag has gone mainstream and now you’re going to have to experience it… perhaps for the second time. I suppose it could be worse. You could be carrying your dog as a tote.

And there are always upsides to even the most troublesome trends. One brand called their version a “dance bag,” which I guess makes sense if you’re one who frequents nightclubs. Gone are the days of guarding your bag from sticky cranberry juice stains and drunk girls with sticky fingers. Dance the night away with your handbag safely resting on your hips. Hanging your valuables from your waist will also cure the epidemics of uneven arm strength and scoliosis. The only downside is that I don’t believe you’ll be able to safely stash much more than your cash, cards, and beloved iPhone. So looks like you’ll be stuck carrying that shopping bag from Forever21 for all to see.

A couple of weeks ago, a photo of Beyonce posted to her Tumblr account was called onto the carpet and not a red one for being a very clear case of (bad) Photoshopping. There was a very obvious alteration to the image made more painfully obvious by the mysterious slope in the stairs behind her perfectly spaced thigh gap. If this was not a case of Photoshop foolery, the Carters better be careful young Blue Ivy doesn’t stumble down that warped yacht staircase.

Sadly, that was not the first time Beyonce had been called out for altering her candid photos, but to be fair she is only one of a slew of celebrities to tamper with their social snapshots. What started off as simple and standard in app filters to enhance a tan, deflect less than stellar skin, or add artistic flair has turned into full blown post production photographs worthy of five figure paychecks. Isn’t social media a place where celebrities should be better able to connect with fans? You know, celebrities, they’re just like us. Ideally, social media should be a place for celebrities to take on more human personas as opposed to their perfectly airbrushed alter egos.

Models and actors are already Photoshopped to within inches of their lives for ads, interviews, and endorsements, but most of the masses realize that much of that is simply smoke and mirrors. Obviously, glossy magazine spreads and movie posters are all part of the job description and many Photoshop fails have come at the hands of professional retouchers employed by major publications and big brands, but when has it gone too far?

When there is no longer a line between reality and fantasy, how are we, as mere mortals, supposed to digest this photographic perfection? How are young girls not to feel bad about themselves after seeing their idols looking like they really did wake up like that- AKA, full hair and makeup? Listen, if I don’t have a thigh gap, I think it’s pretty safe to say that Queen Bey does not either. While, I may be able to call out “fauxtos” for what they really are, what about those who take these digital masterpieces more literally? Are we only exacerbating the ideal of unachievable perfection?

So, how exactly are celebrities stepping up their Instagram game beyond basic filters? Well, there are plenty of apps available now (one of which I used in the photograph above that is worth downloading for sheer entertainment purposes), that allow for serious digital makeovers. Some of them are essentially equivalent to using a desktop version of Adobe Photoshop on your smartphone. You can smooth out skin, nip, tuck, and even whiten teeth making it nearly impossible to ever take a bad photo again. But what is the point of sharing moments that are anything but authentic? I believe the “Insta” part of Instagram is meant to imply that we are sharing the moment as we’re in it (since we all know it never happened unless it’s documented on social media). It’s bad enough that we watched the sun set the screen of our iPhone, must we waste another twenty minutes applying the perfect filters?

Last week new photos of Beyonce wearing yet another bikini materialized on the world wide web, presumably to back pedal her previous posts, but what it’s really done has given us a vehicle for side by side comparison. Celebrities, they’ll never learn… just like us.

Though Cary was a pleasant surprise in a room full of familiar faces and stuffy industry types and his hair seemed to be a fresh interpretation for man coifs worldwide, he’s not the first to be seen sporting man braids. As a matter of fact, the night before rapper, Riff Raff, clad in denim had a head full of braids and is probably asking today, “Dafuq?” Even before Riff Raff, there was David Beckham, Axl Rose, and let us never forget Kevin Federline.

I, myself, spent a sunny Saturday afternoon in Amagansett this summer lackadaisically braiding cornrows into one of my man bun wearing guy friend’s head. We thought it was kind of funny and for him, the look actually worked. I even taught him the importance of patting his head when it started to itch as to avoid creating frizz. So, back to Cary’s internet sensational hairstyle and potentially the next wave of hipster hairdos (Slate created a pretty genius rendering). It may have something to do with the fact that he’s terribly good looking, but the only part of his hairstyle that truly bothered me was his (unintentionally) crooked part which The Cut got a close up of. You see though, I’m quite dextrous and great with a comb, so Cary, call me next time you’re you’re looking for some Poetic Justice.

This summer, men took accessorizing one step further by donning what we now know as the “man bun.” And while I do have a healthy portion of male readers (God bless you analytics), I will not take the blame (or credit- depending on your stance) for the trend just because I’ve made more than one brilliant top knot tutorial (you can learn “how to” here and here). For the past decade or so, men hadn’t had much wiggle room when it came to socially acceptable hairdos. There’s been the classic buzz cut, the Bieber bob, and that whole spiky gelled situation that ruined shams worldwide. And let’s just be thankful we all survived the “faux hawk.”

While the ponytail is nothing new (hello, Karl Lagerfeld), men decided that wasn’t good enough and began piling their locks on their heads way atop or grazing the napes of their necks, real estate formerly reserved for sweet nuzzles from their beloveds. I’m not sure who can specifically be appointed as the official firestarter of this follicle free for all, but I think Colin Farrell was one of the male topknot pioneers. To be fair, average citizens started sporting it well before it became mainstream. I had an ex-boyfriend several years ago who began experimenting with the trend. Granted, he also thought waking up and drinking the leftover beer on his nightstand from the night before was par for the course. In any case, this hair-rowing (see what I did there?) hairstyle has taken over from east to west coast, north to south. There are several blogs dedicated solely to the praise of ballerina buns fit for Baryshnikov (exhibit A and exhibit B) and The Awl even created a brilliant collection of the male topknot in its natural habitat.

Much like the beard bubble was predicted to pop (and has yet to do so as late adopters are STILL jumping on the bearded bandwagon), the man bun would appear to have a shelf life itself. Interestingly enough, it seems that the topknot and beard are not mutually exclusive and often worn in tandem. All this hair has me asking a lot of questions though. Many men claim to be the superior sex, but I’m beginning to sense a trend. It started with our eyeliner and skinny jeans then men began eying our tank tops and now they’re angling for our hair ties? And if you’re in a couple this also leads to a lot of financial hurdles. Can we afford to double up on deep conditioners? Do we need to own one flatiron or two? Won’t our shower drain clog twice as fast?

So with the imminent onslaught of snow, will these top knot wearing gents be forced to concede their coifs once they realize a bun looks more like a goiter under a beanie? Or will ear muffs have a renaissance for men? As I typed this, a shiver went down my spine as I realized that the knitted headband or even a turban may not be off limits to a man who has mastered the art of bobbi pins. I’d be lying if I didn’t get a little hot and bothered collecting visual aids for this post, but I really want to know your thoughts.

Along with Birkenstocks, Tevas, and scrunchies, another 90’s accessory making its way back to the buffet for seconds is the choker. Unlike failures in footwear, this was actually one trend I participated in the first go round. However, the ones I was wearing looked a little different than the iterations most recently seen on celebrities, runways, and department stores. No, no, mine weren’t the now sophisticated types made from shiny metals with beautiful embellishments. Mine were a bit more basic, probably crafted out of hemp with the crown jewel being a- wait for it… Fimo bead.

But these neckwringers, aren’t really to be credited specifically to the 90’s. It just so happens that was the first time I (and most of you) were alive to wear them. As a matter of fact, chokers were big all the way back in 1940 and in the 1860’s, prostitutes actually wore black ribbons around their necks to let the gents know they were open for business. Now, wearing a choker will probably only insinuate that you’re under the age of forty and know all the lyrics to Ace of Bass’s “I Saw the Sign.”