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Sunday, June 17, 2012

The very first time I threw a softball, (yes, Alexis the die hard cheerleader did indeed have a softball stage) my grandfather said to me, you throw like a girl. Pretty common statement, my throwing skills sucked, and I couldn’t get the ball farther than oh, 10 feet away (if that). I didn’t actually think of it. But as life continued the phrase kept being thrown at me.

Phrases like

“You run like a girl”

“You hit like a girl”

“You throw like a girl”

“Don’t be such a girl”

were just thrown at me over and over again without fail during some part of my week, if not day. And the terrible thing was, girls were saying it to me as well as boys. Boys were telling me, a girl, that I did whatever like a girl, and that there was something wrong with that, because apparently resembling a female in any way, shape, or form was not only a bad thing, but it was incorrect as well, because this a man’s world, goddammit and that’s just the way things are done.

Right?Right?

Wrong. Yes, a man runs the country. Yes, a predominantly male group defends the country. Yes, men are sometimes stronger than women. But does that make us wrong? I mean, I’m going to use an old and worn out reason here, but we give birth to children. Sometimes very large children. That are inside our bodies for 8-9 very long months. What do men do in that time? Well, they get the pleasure of making the baby, and they get to open doors and tie shoes and get food for the pregnant lady and deal with her hormones, while she embarks on a nine month long journey that’s going to not only change your lives, but her body as well. Oh, and it’s life threatening.

So…uh…excuse me while I go give birth and perpetuate man’s existence. Like a girl.

Oh, and if pregnancy doesn’t occur, girls, not boys, girls, get to take part in the cruelest part of being a female: The Monthly Period. Parts of our insides literally fall out of our body. Our body RIPS itself apart because there’s no baby in it and it hurts. Cramps are so bad girls double over in pain, we become hormonal, emotional blobs and want to eat everything on the face of the Earth, while we’re losing blood constantly for 5-7 days, every 3-4 weeks (assuming that we’re lucky and our cycle is pretty regular). And if this didn’t happen, we wouldn’t be able to have kids. So excuse us for doing the things that are necessary to make sure the human race survives. And how do we do it? Like a bunch of girls.

In fact, men are so busy telling women that are they are all a bunch of “sissies” that they never sit back and reflect on the rights that we have and the things we did first.

Let’s start with the right to vote. Who obtained women’s right to vote? Women. Suffragettes, to be exact. Unlike men, we’ve had to fight tooth and nail for everything we have, except for the kitchen of course. Those come free with our gender. Our healthcare is a part of of the politics game and for the longest time, women weren't viewed as intelligent enough to vote. We could learn French, and play piano and go to high society political dinners, but having a mind of our own was off-limits. So how do we have the ability to do what we want when we want? Again, we fought for it. Like girls. So yeah, go ahead guys, complain about how nothing is fair. While you’re enjoying your white male middle class lives where everything you’ll ever need is presented to you at birth, I’ll be over here campaigning to have my insurance cover the birth control I’d like to have so that I can control my mood swings.

Bill Gates and Steve Jobs may be known for their hold in the technology/computer world, but the first computer programmer ever was a woman. Her name was Ada Lovelace and in the early to mid-1800’s she wrote the program for Charles Babbage’s “Analytical Machine” in 1979 a computer program was named for her honor. She didn’t learn how to program from a man, in fact she taught men how to program. Way to go, Ada, you are the reason we have internet today. And you did it like a girl.

Then there was Mileva Maric, who is the often untold of ex-wife to Albert Einstien, and helped mother (some say even created) the Theory of Relativity.

If you’re into spiritual stuff and religions and things, take a look at who gave birth to Jesus, yeah, gave birth for your sins, like a girl.

I could go on, I mean, with people like Amelia Earhart, Queen Elizabeth I who never got married because she didn’t need a man to rule her people wisely and happily, and many other women did things like girls, like, inventing stuff. What did girls invent? Well -

The circular saw, Tabitha Babbit, 1810

Chocolate Chip Cookies, Ruth Wakefield

Liquid Paper (aka White Out) Bette Graham, 1958

The Compiler and COBOL Computer Language, Grace Hopper, 1950’s

Colored Flare System, Martha Coston, 1840’s or 50’s

Windshield Wiper, Mary Anderson, 1903

Kevlar, Stephanie Kwolek, 1960’s

And the list continues on all the great things women created, founded, started, became a part of, did, just as well or even better than man.

So go ahead, be a man. And I’ll be over here doing things like a girl, because apparently that’s the only way to get things done these days.