100-Year-Old Tortoise Runs Away From Home, Bones Drain Pipe Cover

We're no strangers to tortoise mating here at What's Trending. Last time we looked at these majestic animals' curious habits, an interrupted mating session led to the world's slowest chase. Touché, a 100-year-old tortoise living in Fresno, CA, just upped the ante.

Touché is a female tortoise (I know, we said she was male in the video, WE'RE SORRY) who has lived with her owner Nancy Knauss for over 50 years. According to Nancy, Touché escaped when Nancy's gardeners left the gate open. What happened next will not surprise you at all, because it's in the title of the article. Take it away, CBS Los Angeles!

Nancy's neighbor Steven George found the tortoise "mounting" a drain pipe cover — a drain pipe cover that looks suspiciously like a tortoise. Tortoises are pretty dumb, so it's not outside the realm of possibility that this little old lady was trying to make a new… let's say, friend.

Luckily for Nancy, Steven returned the tortoise to her rightful home, rather than turning her into soup. So this story has a happy ending. (For everyone except Touché, who sadly is still not getting laid.)

What do you think? Does Touché deserve some lovin'? Let us know in the comments below or @WhatsTrending on Twitter!