Saturday, October 21, 2006

Damn I can't believe I've been chatting with some of my friends for hours, looked at the clock - 3:10 AM. I had a long day, went out to eat at a very tacky place, even sitting down looking blur required energy. It's a windy early morning, it rained during the evening, now it's just cold and wet, I opened the windows, letting some air in - no way, close it - the wind is way too chilling, giving me unnecessary goosebumps. My arms are sore from slothing through the traffic jam on the way home from junction to junction, traffic jams at 10 PM, my muscles weren't prepared for it hence the extra tiresome effect. Oh well, maybe I should stop chatting and just lay on the bed to enjoy one of the dvds from yesterday's dvd rampage. But there's something discomforting about this night, a strange feeling, the same feeling you get when you're all alone in a big mansion working on a novel in the attic, a big tree within window view, wind blowing as if for no reason at all. I don't know, I opened the door, checked the study - my sister has already stopped chatting.

I guess I should switch off the wireless router, keep it fresh for the next broadband session, it's always good to not let your cheap ass appliances catch heat. Okay then, turn off the lights, put on a dvd, maybe a light comedic heartwarming movie to even out the chilly atmosphere of nature outside.

.....Okay this movie's not bad, but why the sad ending? I hate sad endings, I'm the type of guy who strongly feels that art is escape from reality, and in reality, I hate sadness, oh well I've been watching too much Hollywood I guess.

*Knock*Knock*

There's a knock on the front door, oh well I'm too lazy to get up, but no one else's downstairs. After much hesitation I headed to the front door during which I realize why would someone knock on the door when the gate is high and definitely not left open and we definitely have doorbells?! I panicked......Be cool you're a guy, it could be a family member for some odd reason, be cool, it could be an emergency, it could be a guy with a bloody head and one of the arms swinging around as it was out of his control since it was bitten off by the houndaifnhakSTOP okay be cool, open the door slowly.....

No one was there, I panicked again, I've heard such stories in my hometown of people getting heavy banging on the door and no one there when opened. But this was a light knock, I closed the door. However curiousity can sometimes overcome fear, maybe one of my socialite friend back from the club is pulling a prank on me. I waited for a while... 5 seconds........ 30 seconds..... I opened the door with one swift swing, a white object flies away from the door.

I hastily chased it. It was a piece of paper with something written on it :

Dear next door neighbour,

i know we don't talk much only the occasional smile or nod of the head, but i have always appreciated this one luxury you have always provided for me, you bless me with this one thing forbidden in my house as my parents see it as the devil. see i have a long distance girlfriend who i love so much and would never think of neglecting, i don't want to lose her, never! she needs my attention, and there is not one event better in my days than speaking to her, but since the world is not flat and her timezone is different i have had to wake up at unfortunate times to gain access to communication with her, and i understand u need to sleep and all, but i hope it's not rude of me to ask that you leave on your wireless router for a while longer, maybe u can let it rest when u're executing your morning urinatings since i'm pretty sure i'm cool by then, i usually only need a few hours with her on msn, usually around 4AM - 9AM. i sincerely hope u will think about this, thank you dear neighbour, smile or nod of the head to you later.

1. Who the fuck cares?Tree huggers, hippies and PETA dicksuckers, they care about everything, even animals *gasp*

2. All I got from the NEP is a free bag of manure.Pickup a fine lady, spread a plastic sheet on your bed, to be continued.

3. How much wood would Lee Kuan Yew chuck if Lee Kuan Yew could chuck wood?He's chinese right? He won't be chucking wood, that's for indians and malays.

4. Who's sitting under the apple tree? No one else but me. Who's sitting under the apple tree? No one else but me."Fuck you hasselhoff" - The Saurus

5. Why did the chicken cross the road?To get to the other side. Haha just kidding chickens are too stupid to know there's an other side.

6.What do you get when you cross KJ and a piano?One midget fucking a pony, and another one fucking his ass.

7. Who the fuck are you?A god fearing barbarian.

8. Fuck you.How uncivilized of you to use such words oh survey or meme, wuteverr.

9. I want a Natalie Portman and Jessica Alba sandwich. With cheese.Pizza Hut won't see this mozzarella fuckfest coming.

10. If you find out that you're going to die in three months and suddenly those three months are up and you're dead and went to Hell, where would you go?Well, I'll go to hell, give satan a two weeks notice, get the fuck out, get back to earth, go back in time and invent blogs.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

I walked into the elevator with a friend on the way to my room, the elevator rumbled for a while as if malfunctioning, it was then released underwater. A big magnet pulls the elevator its way and we arrive at the main entrance to a heavily guarded underground apartment. In my room a few of my other friends are already there, they have just finished performing music somewhere and I was unable to attend, I kindly let them stay in my room but they will go back to wherever they came from after their last show on sunday which I hope will allow my attendance although it was most unlikely as somehow I felt like I had something to do on that day. The pretty lady who walks the corridor is the caretaker of the apartment - manager, guard and maid. She walked into my room and cleaned the fan, she looked at me, smiled and explained that my friends had asked her to clean it. Unable to think of a quick witty pickup line as I was attracted to her, I resorted to telling her that she could be my housewife, this could be subtle sexual abuse to some, but she just smiled and resumed cleaning the classic fan, why would I need such a home appliance in this day and age when we have far advanced methods of cooling, I wouldn't know as it came with the room rental package.....TO BE CONTINUED.