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About Me

My (nick)name is Moz and this blog was originally about my travails, tribulations and (occasional) small successes while writing my Honours thesis and fighting the demons of my mental illness. Said thesis was nicknamed Frankie and this is my first blog. These days I am working on my Masters thesis, and still trying to string words together that make some sense.
My financial vices include a good cup of coffee, live music, and buying real newspapers so I can do the crossword. Unsurprisingly I love books, and am a bit obsessed with writing the perfect letter and making an even more perfect mix CD. I earn part of my living as a wedding singer in Sydney, Australia, but long term I hope to research, write and teach as an academic, and travel further than interstate. David Bowie once referred to me as 'the quintessential girl from Ipanema' - it briefly made my mother proud.

Dangling Conversation

This is one of those blog posts where I apologise but don’t
apologise for not posting. Like every one who writes one of these posts, I have
really good reasons.

I haven’t actually spelled this out, but one of the things I
promised myself when I started my blog was that I wouldn’t post when I am in
the throes of my illness. I’ve explained before that I really only experience
the lows with my illness, that I don’t get the manic highs people with other
types of bipolar experience. When things get bad I tend to hide myself away.
And things haven’t been good. My illness can be a bitch, in addition to certain
really bad things in my past that haunt me from time to time.

In addition, the class I was initially worried about turned
out to be a problem again. I just never felt like I got my teeth into it and
was very unclear about what was required of me. There has fortunately been a
really good solution, in that I have joined my mentor’s seminar at his
offering. Yes, he’s bending the rules a little bit by having me in it (it’s a
long story) but once again he came through for me. It does mean, however, that
I have to play catch up in a way that is not ideal when it comes to planning
the seminar paper due in about 9 weeks. There are two seminar papers due at the
end of June, both about 5000-5500 words each. I’m less worried about writing
them and more worried about picking the right thing to write about and it’s
getting down to the wire now.

I’ve also actually started to write the thesis. This has
been terrifying, tortuous and…some other word beginning with ‘t’. This is one
of those times when I am trying to trust what the mentor tells me: that if I
listen to the sources and follow what they are telling me, then I will end up
where I am meant to. There are times when I panic about this approach and that
I am missing something here. But I know this is one of the shallow parts of the
pool I have to wade through; the depths are waiting for me, just a little
further on. And yes, I have that analogy the right way around – at least where
I’m concerned.

It’s just been a rough time and as a rather private person
who writes a blog (who knew we were out there?) that is a conflict of interest
if there ever was one.

In any case, a friendly hello to all five of you reading. We’ve
all kind of been quiet lately and I look forward to hearing all the news as
everyone blogs a little more regularly again.

4 comments:

Oh.. the dreaded 'I might be missing something' that haunts all of us thesis writers! If there are gaps in your thesis your mentor will point them out, that's what he's there for, and that's what drafts are for. So don't panic, it's part of the process.

I really understand that fear of missing something. It's one of the hardest things about being a student - you haven't been in the loop long enough to know who/what to pay attention to. It's a great learning experience to figure that out (or start to) and that's what your mentor is for - making sure you don't miss things. And chances are, if you keep playing in that pool long enough you won't miss anything too important.