Busola Adedire: Who Will Clean the Toilet?

Many years back, I often thought about marriage with sunny smiles and happily ever after thoughts plagued my mind. Fast forward to the current me, I have found out that marriage require lots of prayer and common sense; because sadly, fuzzy feelings are not enough.

In reference to the common sense bit, is it okay if I told you that common sense is not that common? I do not mean this in a bad way. In fact, I had also made silly mistakes in the past which made me question where my common sense was. So in the light of such events, I have made it a point to duty to update my common sense database by being more inquisitive about life, love, and relationships.

Let me add a disclaimer here that if you do not think about or desire marriage/family life, this article is not for you. However, if you are at that place in life where you require ‘common sense’ to make heavy decisions like marriage then we can be curious together.

My current read is a book titled ‘Things I wish I’d Known Before We Got Married’ by Gary Chapman which is a book that gets you thinking about different hypothetical situations that could arise in a marriage. While there are no hard and fast rules to this thing, I believe reading expands your mind and helps you define your values in a clearer form. The book was quite interesting till I got a reality check from chapter 7 which says ‘I Wish I Had Known That TOILETS are not Self-Cleaning. He stated in the book that most couples do not think about the ‘toilet issue’ until they get married. I can understand. It has never crossed my mind too.

You see, the issue of marital gender roles must be thought out carefully and I believe this is one of the major factors that can make or break a household. Let me also emphasise that whatever you are accustomed to whilst growing up becomes your personal truth. I started to think about this whole ‘toilet business’ and I thought about what works in my household which is shared responsibility between my mum, I, and my siblings. My mother is very traditional, and she has made it a point of duty that we follow her steps. I am cool with washing toilets I said to myself… my inner goddess laughed and shook her head in pity. Ok, I will stop deceiving myself. I can clean the toilets but I also shudder at the thoughts of doing every single house chore myself including the toilets. Please married people in the house, how do these things work sef? Please don’t tell me about house helps because some of us outside Nigeria do not have that kind of luxury.

If we are all being truthful, cleaning toilets is one of those house chores that nobody really fancies. Personally, I have a passion for cleaning but I would love to carry on the ‘shared responsibility’ when it comes to toilet cleaning. But how does one break the ice on this issue? Can you say something like ‘baby I would like you to assist me in cleaning the toilets’ without feeling guilty or feeling like you are demanding too much? What about those men that naturally think it is a woman’s duty to clean the toilets and bath tubs? Or those ones that think cleaning the toilets and bath tubs is beneath them? I remember the day I overheard a conversation between two Nigerian ‘uncles’ on gender roles, they stated that the best way to get a man to help you around the house is to say nothing about it. My BN people, is that true? What if bobo starts thinking he married a superwoman and offers no assistance? *wails endlessly*

This is one of those issues that you have to tactfully navigate because if your husband says he is not cleaning the toilets, you will not pack your things and leave. Biko, clean the toilets yourself for peace and hygiene sake. But on the other hand, no woman desires to do house chores alone especially without a house help or a cleaner (she can be silent but she will lowkey resent you). It is a sign of humility to help your wife around the house especially in doing uncommon chores like ‘bath and toilet cleaning’ and even changing the baby’s diapers. That is the highest form of humility. Just for fun… single people, let me know if you have thought about toilet cleaning and what your opinions are. Married people let us know what works for you.

House chores are shared responsibilities and it must remain that way. This should not even come up for a debate. If your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend is not helping you to do chores (be it toilet cleaning or helping out in the kitchen) then you’re in for a lifelong slavery.

If he/she can’t help out with chores, he/she better shell out money for maids. I ain’t nobody maid BIH!

Wow. This is one aspect of house chores I’ve never thought about until now. I’m not married but also very traditional (I still hope future hubby will help out though). I’ve already made up my mind to pick my marriage battles wisely but cleaning the toilet,hmm. I honestly don’t know and I guess I wouldn’t mind it like you said for peace and good hygiene sake. But I guess in the end until you’re in the situation we can’t really tell what will work.

lol I live abroad and in this part of the world, if you dnt watch a lot of films that make sense, eg game of thrones, newsroom, scandal, the walking dead, orange is the new black etc, you miss out on a lot of inside jokes and the sarcasm that comes with it. Over here, you dnt want to be that guy who is always raising his eyebrows in social circles or even among work colleagues

I cook my own food,I clean my toilet and I make my bed every morning…. it’s a lifestyle. It doesn’t bother me if you clean toilet or not …however, you can be assured that na you go kick urself comot for my house if you aren’t clean and can’t make urself useful. women that don’t brush their teeth last thing before bedtime are the culprits…waking up with mangala smelly mouth and can’t even kiss me ‘good morning…..I ga apukwara m na ulo m biko!

I am obsessed with brush and flossing, i mean i brush minimum of 3 times a day and that is a very good. I am the type that goes to the dentist and they say ooo your teeth is a perfect. We can tell you floss regularly. But that does not mean i don’t have morning breath. We all do!!! So sorry Iyke on this one I don’t agree with you. Morning breath does not necessarily translate to being gross. Side note: I don’t make out without brushing my teeth AND partner brushing as well. No early morning make-out session in my bed.

@The real deal, No early morning make out?For real??How do you cope with the rest of your day? Babe,try early morning organsm and see how therapeutic and bright your day would be. Damn…You are missing!So you didn’t have orgasm this morning?Chai….No wonder you are talking like this…..Going to work without breakfast!

You brush 3 times a day? Obviously ure not working, maybe a full housewife. Because i don’t see a very busy person brushing thrice in a day when ure at meetings at work and have a huge KPI right before you that you have to meet up with.

We brush and mouthwash (Listerine, i like the sting) right before bedtime so we don’t wake up with smelly breath. It may not feel as fresh on waking up, just a bit warm which a few sips of water will take care of & then you can indulge in a morning session.

@ Iyke….lmso!!!!! ooooo…morning orgasm can occur after brushing as happened. @ Sugar…gosh I really do detest such judgmental people so from my comment you have conveniently deduced that I do not work. Well, sorry to inform you but I actually put in at least 60hrs every week for a major company. So shove your judgmental comment where the sun don’t shine. I actually have the travel sized brush and toothpaste in all my bags and purses. You know for some of us hygiene is very important and that includes our mouth and teeth.

Tah! None of that stale breath making out for me. Even if you brushed before bed, your breath is bound to “get warm” after 8 hours of keeping it shut. I no dey even do that breakfast before brushing business. When I see breakfast in bed movies, I just imagine me dashing out #pause to brush and coming back in #pressplay. And when it happened in real life, that’s exactly how I played it.

Lmao me too. I never understood the breakfast in bed thing I see in films. How am I to enjoy the food with that morning breath. And does anyone wake up with a seriously need to spit out a mouthful of saliva?

OMG yes!!! It’s one of the things I hate about myself the most. I brush first thing in the morning and right before I go to bed, but I always wake up with a mouth full of saliva. Its so anoying! I have to spit it out first thing in the morning then I brush my teeth. Sometimes if I wake up too early and I go back to sleep, I still have to spit it out, brush my teeth and then go back to sleep. If not I feel uncomfortable. It’s one of the habits i’m really hoping to lose by the time i’m in a relationship. I’m going to the dentist next week though so i’ll ask him if he knows the solution to my problem.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Olu, i am eyeing you seriously oooo. Ya wife is lucky. Biko, Dear Lord, when i marry, let something as trivial as cleaning toilet not bring trouble.If you use the toilet and mess it up, take the brush, apply Harpic or Mr Muscle and clean up..ahn ahn. Is that too much to ask again?

I’m a very traditional old school chick. Ofcourse it would be nice to have the male to help clean the bathroom, but why have yourself stress and worry if they did a job or not. Domestic chores are most what women are accounted for… and quite frankly we do it much better. It’s really not a big deal….

And don’t get me started on my sister-in-law. Never on any account allow her to wash plates. The left-on eba no dey everly gree comot and she does not have sufficient awareness and says ridiculous things like the kitchen is her territory and no man is allowed in.

Yes but you can pay to have a cleaner come in once a week even outside naija shores. That worked for us, i am married to a traditional man and when such issues became to much wahala we opted for getting a cleaner it helped our marriage. Inbetween cleaning days you dont need to scrub the toilet, just ensure you leave it clean dash of harpic and brush done in less thana minute

Hubby washes d bath especially when his special friend is coming over.He doesn’t touch d sink or the toilet.he leaves dat for me.Its Bn lik that for 10 yrs. Every other thing in d Hse is done by me and It drains d hell out of me.I don complain tire nothing.Typical Naija man

There is an adage that Say charity begins at home am not married but I have taken the responsibility of cleaning toilet at home it now part of me, I find it very lucrative, If you want to know if a home is dirty or not visit the toilet it will tell you all about the home. But my challenge about sharing house hold chores with my spouse is when you begin to do such things for them like cleaning the toilet they begin to think is your responsibility to clean the toilet at all times. I will gladly help with house hold chores because my spouse is not my slave and as far it does take anything away from me.

My little sister lives with me and she’s so lazy……doesn’t even make her bed in the morning. So they are things I don’t expect from her like cleaning the toilet or even the dishes ……..make she do her laundry finish. With that I don’t sit around and play the elder sister card, I clean and clean (my OCD won’t let me bone her). Marriage carry plenty issue and toilet cleaning is so trivia.

Before i got married i never had any problems with domestic chores, coming from a home where my Mum is a “superwoman”, i was brought up that way . My husband helps around the house (sometimes) and i appreciate him for that. Taking care of my husband and son, including house chores was not a big deal. Well, that was until MIL & FIL moved in with us, and my MIL is so lazy, this is a woman that doesn’t help at all with anything other than watch TV allday!!!! TBH It’s been a quite difficult for me. I get back tired from work, i still have to cook and clean after “grown folks” no help whatsoever! As i scrubbed their toilet and changed their sheets last night , i was just thinking to myself , “Marriage is not easy at all” …. hmmmm…. i could go on ,and on .

From MY EXPERIENCE, I have to say that those Nigerian Uncles are very correct. I pick my battles, and when it comes to house chores, I just do it myself. I do such a good job that DH is embarrassed and he gets up to help. In marriage, choose your battles wisely. Washing toilets is the least of it. If you did it when you were single, you can do it now. If you have a good man, his conscience will prick him to do something to help you. But if he chooses not to help at all…then, I know this sounds nasty but just leave the mess. Don’t say anything, just leave the house as is. If he asks you why you did not clean, tell him you gave yourself a day off since you do everything in the house. Say it with a smile of course.

Have a preference for cleaning the toilet myself because I don’t think anyone can clean it as well. Well hubby started thinking I was the omo odo. As my time thinned with growth in my professional career, the toilet started becoming abandoned. From one week to two to three weeks. Then I suggested we hire a maid to clean just the toilets once every three weeks and I could do some minimal work in between Bobo no gree. He said there was no money (his code for we should not spend money on that). So I told him I was not going to die working for him and that we either paid or he starts cleaning. So he said he would clean. I had to teach him to clean. He did not know how to clean. How do you grow up in a house and not know how to clean? Anyway, I suspect they grew up with pit toilet. Anyway, long story short is he is now the toilet cleaner. I take care of the hard wood floors and kitchen. When he gets tired, he can hire a maid. My next house will have my own room and toilet and he will have his. Make we see who go quick hire maid.

Compromise and communication matters in marriage. Hubby does bathroom and toilet, i stock up the kitchen and make sure we always have supplies at home. We both cook. He gives his clothes to the drycleaner and i stylishly include some of my precious outfits but i machine wash most of my clothes. He helps me. We both keep the house clean. Okay okay to be fair he does more housework than I do but it’s what works for us HOWEVER I beg him not to when inlaws come visiting. Peace is maintained in our home because people don’t really know the truth. On a normal day I’ll dish our food in the same plate and we’ll balance on the bed with series to eat and watch but when his mum of sisters are around I whip out the fancy ware and serve him on a tray and all. It makes my MIL happy as that’s how she serves everyone when we visit her. After eating and we go into the room, hubby then begins to tease me. I am married with kids and have a day job, my husband treats me like a proper baby. What i however do is that even when we don’t have family around, i whip out the fancyware sometimes and he really appreciates it/me. Some nights we just have indomie after work and last to finish will wash the dishes loool. Would i admit all these in a verbal convo? Hell no!! So people can say i’m not domesticated enough abi?

@ kaycee,i pity the woman who’ll be so happy seetling for a user like u!,i guess u’ll have to see the union described above and understand that dis woman will love d man described above to bits even if he can’t afford all d luxuries in d world!

I read this with a HUGE smile on my face…. you guys are soooo cute. Bae nd I lived together briefly wen we wer in uni…The arrangement was perfect, we do the cooking together, we gist while I do the dishes. I did the toilet and he did the bath….lasted for baut 1 month before I moved to a diff city. I hope it remains that way in MARRIAGE

my husband understands that me i don’t like household chores especially cleaning the toilet and neither does he. So he pays a cleaner to clean the house. if you can get a cleaner without breaking the bank then please save yourself the stress and get one. and please don’t make any man make you feel it’s your obligation to be cleaning toilet. Jesus didn’t die for that!

I don’t really like chores but my pet peeves are a dirty toilet and kitchen. I’d rather was the toilet myself please. I have this pair of rubber gloves I wear just for washing the toilet. I scrub with a sponge because if it’s not squeaky clean it’s not well washed. Interestingly, I live alone and I have a girl that comes in twice a week to do a general cleaning of the house. But the toilet? I was myself after she’s done her bit. No husband should was the toilet for me, he won’t do it right!

Hmnn. I once dated a guy who would make use of my toilet and leave droplets of urine on my toilet seat. I change am for am! ?Cleaning the toilet is not a problem for me. But please do not make me your slave by messing it all up. Me and you go get serious case.?

Personally I’ve always hated toilet brush! Even thinking of it now is making me feel squeamish ?. Thanks to bleach, detol wipes and gloves. As long as I generously pour bleach daily, toilet cleaning and toilet brush should never be a problem in my house hold ??. You have to find what works for you. There are bigger battles to fight

I tell people if you are scared to talk to the person you are getting married to then you need to be questioning the entire relationship and you might want to seriously reconsider getting married. This person is needs to be your best friend, your ride and die, this person is in or going to be in ALL of your business, so if you are scared bringing up any topic then you should be thinking twice no matter how irrelevant the topic maybe, Personally, a dude not willing to help around the house was/is a deal break so I took that to heart when I was dating. “mi le se eru anybody” (I can’t be anyone’s slave)

For me as a guy,I personally don’t see any big deal in cleaning toilets. If the toilet is dirty, I clean it straight up. Moreover u need to know ur wife’s love language, if it’s not helping out at home. If u like scrub d whole house she’s indifferent. I prefer my woman to tell me wat I should help her with, afterall I don’t read minds(communication is key)

Ah, I am sincerely confused here. Cleaning toilets up for consideration in a marriage? I have been married for 15 yrs and we have 3 children. I am first wondering how dirty the said toilets are, because ours usually needs bleach, and a swivel of the toilet brush, flush and done. This is ayo talk and behaviour, I keep my own logic simple, my husband is the head and I am the neck, he cannot do what i do and vice versa. If toilet cleaning is the only challenge in your marriage, you are indeed very lucky.

I would say it’s better discussed before marriage than resent the guy if he wouldn’t do a thing afterwards.With working full time, no relatives around to chip in,reading for exams, cooking for the family and being a sexy wife habaa.My hubby gats to help out now.he and I tidy up .o.;with two young kids who are already helping as in as soon as my car pulls up in the driveway, the kids are running helter skelter packing their toys,arranging their rooms. I think I have an OCD with cleaning cos even if the hubby cleans the toilet. When he’s asleep..o. Ehh I will still inspect his work and add in a few bit here and there. We kind of have our defined chores in the house and I get a professional cleaner once every month to overhaul my house and turn it into a MANSION,!!!

Toilet cleaning? Out of the whole wide range of other aspects of marriage issues? Lol! yea I know as trivial as it might seem could turn out to be one big issue. That’s married life for you.

Well I have always loved my toilet sparkly clean.When I and my husband where still dating, he ALWAYS pointed this fact out about my toilet, and this has resulted in his own efforts to always ensure our toilets get that sparkle. Even if he did not, I will still make sure of that anyways

I’m not married yet but in my family, my dad is the one that cleans the toilet and bathroom despite the fact that he has grown up children. It has always been his role for the past 30 years and won’t let anyone else do it as he believes that no one can clean it as well as he does. That is one of the main things I love about him. He doesn’t let his ego overshadow the fact that house chores should not be done by just the wife and the children. Too many African men have this ego that once they are married they shouldn’t lift a finger in the house. A little help here and there goes a long way. Also I don’t believe in the idea of gender roles, everyone should chip in and do the chore that they like the most. That way it’ll no longer be a chore, Finally, I don’t agree with those uncles at all at all. Communication is key in a marriage. If you want your husband to do more in the house, please tell him. Don’t ever assume that he should know as not all men where brought up the same way. My brothers, for example, will probably help around the house once they are married as they grew up seeing their dad helping around the house. Some men won’t as they never experienced this growing up. Don’t suffer in silence!!!!!

I grew up with a supermum who was willing to do all the housechores and all we were to do was study so I’m very lazy when it comes to cleaning . However, I can cook for Africa so I hope when I eventually get married, hubby won’t mind a maid that will come Clean the house while I cook al of his meals. My kids are the ones I pity. It would be the reverse of my mum and I with them cos they must learn how to clean since I don’t like it.

I never said I can’t do them, I just don’t like it. I know my strengths and my weaknesses. My kitchen is the cleanest part of my house, I can’t stand a dirty kitchen. I love to cook, im always online looking for recipes or begging friends to teach me how to cook what I can’t so hubby is never going to starve, in fact he’d beg me to stop cooking. I’m always very honest with guys about this when I meet them, I don’t wanna hear stories that touch later about me being deceptive. It’s just what it is

I am a lazy ass niggress and i sure as hell am getting a maid when i get married, husbands approval or not..i dont even like housechores(its psychological)…I clean my toilet at random moments tho..like when im about to take a dump..i share toilet with my sis now but i dont trust her “down there”, im scared of toilet diseases and stds so i never sit on it(yes i can be ignorant,lemme) and if im too lazy to wash i lace the seats and d inside with tissue…im scared of toilets like hell but they gotta be clean,so housemaid..will wash my toilet, EVERYDAY! Im always scared to use toilets any man has used tho..i grew up with a bro who pees all over d toilet seats….maybe ill just have HIS/HERS toilets in d house..Men can be toilet unfriendly.. *sigh*

lool this got me. my bf cleans, cooks and goes to the market sometimes. do i say i am lucky? no man wants a dirty woman so i also hold my own down as the woman in his life. anyways this morning breath matter. we kiss in the morning, we kiss even after he has been down there. filthy or whatever, say what you must but these are things i consider quite intimate. if he rushes to brush before i get up just because he wants to kiss me, i will not like that. cleaning toilets shouldnt be an issue. when u n your partner are not pigs

I’m very particular about a clean toilet and it must smell nice too. Growing up, I was always fighting with my brothers as we shared one toilet and they peed all over it. I was the nasty sister that’ll announce during family devotion that whosoever’s penis lacks control and peed half on the floor in the toilet should go and clean it before I curse them. My mother was tired of us all, they shouldn’t do that but I should be diplomatic and save her the gross details so early. Kai, now that I have my own toilet ehn, I keep it very clean and I just hate people with bad toilet hygiene. Housechores and responsibilities would definitely come up with the man I want to marry. If you wake up in the night and are still very sleepy with midnight hardon and you go and pee on the seat, I can’t even imagine what I’ll say when I see it. But if we can afford it, a cleaning lady/man would be just fine. If we can’t, I’d just like my husband to at the very least leave it clean after use so its not gross for the next user. That way, it wouldn’t be so bad cleaning it. Also, am I the only one who puts toilet as a very major consideration when renting a place? I prefer new houses for that reason or well maintained ones.

Na wa oh! we don spoil for this country. Adopting everything we see our fellow westerners doing. I’m actually confused as to how this is a topic of discussion. If you cannot afford the services of a cleaner then get on your knees and clean that dam.n toilet woman! It is not your husbands responsibility to do that, if he volunteers then that’s fine, you can also ask him to help if the need arises but all in all it is the role of a woman to be sure that her home is in order and that includes cleaning that toilet!

Mr man grew up in a family with four boys with no sister or house maids to push chores to,so there is nothing he considers beneath him in terms of household chores. he cooks,cleans,does the laundry and am sure if kids enter the equation he will be a hands on dad. But even he isn’t a big fan of toilet and bathroom scrubbing. But he already helps our so much around the house that I don’t mind scrubbing the toilet from here to kingdom come. I can’t thank his mother enough for raising a well rounded and loving man.

I never thought to have this discussion but if it’s that important to you, by all means please do. Cleaning the bathroom, toilet and all is done by whoever happens to have the most time on their hands. Hubby even cleans it better than I, washes it as if he’s making love to it.. Lol. So whenever I’m not in the mood to, i.e its dirty and I haven’t cleaned, he steps in. Concerning other chores, we step in as necessary. on the weekends, we assign chores. He usually ends up doing more. Does most of our laundry, I give moral support my hanging around and hanging the clothes out to dry. Cooking isn’t off limits either. Some meals are his forte like pasta. And these days, when I’m feeling tired, first trimester things, he willingly steps up. The other day, I was at a complete loss. No food at home, save for a half cup of beans, plenty rice and left over corned beef stew. Didn’t even know how to make a meal of them. He added some geisha in the stew and multiplied it, cooked the beans for my breakfast the following day and we had rice and stew for dinner. He just stopped to by to give me a bowl of fruits as I was typing this. Contrary to what someone said up there, I would never use or take him for granted. If anything, I’m loving him to bits cos he’s not just saying he loves me, he’s showing me he does. There’s a reason God says husbands should love their wives. It also makes submission easier not that one is predicated on the other.

Even if he helps you for the first few years of marriage….because of excitement, you will notice that some chores are automatically left for you after about 2-3 years of marriage. Toilet is number one! Let’s be truthful about it, no show off, no lies if u are married to a Nigerian man. Puleez.

This might just be the most mature post and responses I have read on BN. I am so proud that we can state our opinions without fight. And those that disagree are disagreeing respectfully. I wish us all, men and women, supportive partners. And those who have them, I wish you longevity.

I hate cleaning the toilet if a man is using it, they splash everywhere, even the walls have piss stains, and it can never stay clean, like never! Why don’t master bathrooms come with urinals. Shit, let there be two master bedrooms with their own bathrooms, he clean his and I clean mine.

I used to do most of the house chores and we shared the cooking before the kids started coming. We now have 2. But somehow due to amugo hubby took a back sit. However after mum and MIL left we had a heart to heart discussion. I take care of the kids in the morning and he does bath time at night. I do most of the cooking and he does the cleaning except the kitchen. I do laundry and ironing and he does gardening and bins. I will advise couples to make a list of all the house chores and give him the option of choosing the ones he feels comfortable with. This worked for me and I absolutely love him for this. I still wish I had a maid though cos I am lazy like that.

We live in a flat with two toilets and two baths, after we got married o thought I would be superwoman and clean and cook always, once I was not feeling well and hubby had to do it from cleaning to cooking, from then on he appreciated the effort put into making the house a home. Now I wake up on Saturdays and he has started to clean and completes it and I cook. At the end of the day we have more time to spend with each other and I am not exhausted. Also learn to pick ur battles wisely like the washing of toilet, I hated leaving plates overnight and would fuss about who washed them, after communicating about this to him and letting him understand reasons why I disliked it, things changed he might not wash it when I would like but the end goal is I have a clean and smelly free house inclusive of peace and harmony. Ps all in laws fall in line and leave my kitchen clean always – mil, gil, bil, sil