11. Bonding with baby – a dad’s commitment from day one

I had often heard of the bond a mother and a baby share, I clearly saw it with Stacey and Frankie. It’s understandable in its strength, after all a mother goes through to bring that life into the world. I know from my own experience that a father’s presence and love, is as much-needed to a child as a mother’s.

In recovering from alcoholism I was forced by my own fears and resentments to look at the relationship I had with my dad. Without all the anger and judgment I felt towards him. It was then I began to realise the impact a parent can have on a child’s emotional and spiritual development.

I had no real connection with him. He was always at arm’s length, although he was always at home he wasn’t present in my life. And I wanted his attention and approval more than anything. I began to hate him for his impatience with me early on. Nothing I did it seemed would earn me his love. I looked up to him. He was the male presence in my life that I should have been guided by. I needed him. But through his own conflicts he struggled to have a relationship with me.

It is why when I met Stacey my relationship with both her and Frankie was equally as important.

It wasn’t long before I saw the positive influence with Frankie of having a loving father in her life , just to encourage and listen had a big impact on her. We watched her confidence grow, it was beautiful to see after what she had been through with losing her biological dad.

I then had no doubt that patience and consistency from me had to be a foundation for my girls. I would after all, be the man they will judge all other men by. That’s quite a weight of responsibility.

I knew from the start I needed to bond with the triplets. And not just for my relationship with them, but also for my own wellbeing which would be tested when they arrived into the world. I had no doubt a connection needed to be made.

I played them music, from Mozart to Etta James, Elvis to Steve Vai. I read them story’s from Frankie’s books , talked to them about what was waiting when they arrived. We had the names and knew who was who. I would kiss Stacey’s belly goodbye in the mornings before I left for work, and kiss them goodnight. When I was tired it felt silly sometime’s. But I still did it, my relationship with the babies was worth much more than my pride.

Bonding allowed many opportunities. It was a way for me to start that connection. It was also a demonstration to Stacey that I would be involved with my children. It gave Frankie a chance to make a connection with her new sisters. I think it brought us all together a little more as a family during an incredibly stressful time.