John W. James

Where were you when I needed you?

The saddest question we ever hear is, "Where were you when I needed you?"

That's what people ask when they find out what we do in helping grievers. We're presenting helpful and accurate information on this site, at the time you need it most, with the hope that you'll never need to ask that question.

It's an honor and a sad privilege to be addressing you, knowing that each of you has recently experienced the death of someone important to you. We also know some of you are reading this because of your care and concern for someone who is confronted by the death of someone important in their life.

We bring our personal experience in dealing with the deaths of people who were important to us, and our professional know-how in helping grievers for more than 30 years. We'll help you distinguish between the "raw grief" that is your normal and natural reaction to the death, and the equally normal "unresolved grief" that relates to the unfinished emotions that are part of the physical ending of all relationships.

A basic reality for most grieving people is difficulty concentrating or focusing. With that in mind, we asked Tributes.com to print our articles in a large type font to make them easier to read. Sharing our concern for grieving people, they agreed.

Ask The Grief Experts

After my great aunt died, I felt like I hadn't seen her enough, but she lived far away so we never had the money to go see her. (Published 12/25/2012)

Q:

My great aunt just died, and I heard about it when I was trying to go to sleep. Needless to say, I couldn't get to sleep. I feel like I didn't see her enough, but she lived far away so we never had the money to go see her. I feel horrible for not seeing her that much. What should I do?

A Grief Expert Replies:

Dear Anon,

Thanks for your note.

Yes, it’s very sad when we are left with a feeling of not having spent time with someone who was important to us.

It’s also tough to get that news at night, making it almost impossible to sleep, with so many memories of our relationship with that person running through our hearts and our minds.

It's normal to feel robbed of a chances to see someone, and it’s especially hard when part of the reason was the lack of money to travel.

What we think you should do is get a copy of The Grief Recovery Handbook. Since money may be an issue for you, go see if they have a copy at your local library. Read it and take the actions it suggests. Those actions will help you feel more complete with the unfortunate fact that you were unable to see her very much.