'When I was a child I wanted to be a jockey, but I got too tall.' Photograph: Dan Chung

I am a painter and, over the course of my life, I have done a lot of self-portraits. I don't usually think about what I look like in words, so it's interesting to try.

I am 46, and I see the accumulation of time in my face. I have a different look in my eyes these days, maybe it's something to do with all that experience of living in the world. When you are a painter you can't afford to overlook things – you have to try not to fool yourself – so I see little lines and saggy corners.

Then I see the things that have been the same over time – the bone structure and anatomy. I'm 5ft 9in. When I was a child, I wanted to be a jockey, but I got too tall. At 12, I was 5ft 2in and by 13, I was 5ft 8in.

I spent my 20s fluctuating between outrageous hair colours, but when I finished The Time Traveler's Wife, I had it in my head that I would be a redhead like Clare for a while. But family and friends said, "Oh that looks terrific, why didn't you do that before?." So the red stayed.

I wear glasses, unless I'm being incredibly vain for some photographer, but I can't see much without them. I've been wearing them since I was nine, so they are part of my face.

I'd like to be thinner and it would be good to look like Nicole Kidman, but I don't know. What I like is that I'm neither beautiful nor hideous, and I feel as though my face and my personality match.