September 24, 2006

Something’s gotta give.

Yesterday – 9pm-ish – I was a nutcase, obsessing over those early pregnancy symptoms (see #2) and working myself into a frenzy. So much so I had trouble typing coherently. Karen talked me down. Which – thank you, Karen. Seriously.

But today? At least I’m calmer. I will call my doctor Monday and go talk about why nothing is happening after a year and a half of trying. I mentioned it earlier this year and he said let’s wait until after summer to worry and yesterday was the last day of summer.

I …

Otherwise I don’t know what to think or feel. When I take two steps back and look I realize I’m getting so focused on conception that everything else is taking a backseat ride on the tailgate of the pickuptruck. Nothing seems interesting. I pick up a book and read a page or two. I knit a row and put it down again. I consider changing the sheets on the bed and continue to sit on the sofa. I fantasize about moving back to North Carolina, where somehow everything will be fine or at least I’ll have a garden.

If I take 3 steps back I’ll realize all this is just the lack of estrogen talking.

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You can ride this out. It’s possible that the worst time is over, because it may be a lot easier to deal with if you have a doctor working with you. And I bet that once you get started on that, things will be much easier (both in terms of getting pregnant and in terms of just feeling like you have enough of a handle on what’s happening.)

If it’s any consolation to you, just some of the tests they do on women to see if there’s any problem frequently increase the chance of pregnancy – that worked for my sister and now she has more kids than she *needs*. 😉