Of a certain age…

I’ve officially gotten to that age where I’m looking for meaning in everything in the past; bastardizing Facebook to get back in contact with friends that I casually walked away from and I’m looking forward hoping that life’s lessons and the people I have around me will help me move forward.

The people who were adults when I was a child are dying and the people who were youthful and full of life when I was just starting to learn about it are ailing; I’m the median now for my younger cousins, godbrothers and godsisters. For them, I’m the youthful woman who is at a place in life that they want to be. The realization is startling. I’m getting farther away from my youth even though I’m still young.

Reconciling your age and the age of everyone around you is difficult; especially when you realize that most of the people that you love, you will out live. You will have to watch them die, mourn the emptiness that remains. It must be hard for them too, knowing that they will leave us here, after raising us, feeding us, caring for us…ultimately nothing is forever; even legacy dies; names get mis-spelled and lost to history. Do you know the name of your grandmother’s grandmother? I don’t. I bet you don’t either. It’s easy to forget because there is a lot of pain in remembering.

A lot of pain in remembering, a lot of pain leads us to forget; experience helps us realize that pain is the destination.