When ever i'm dishonest my conscience starts to kick in and i get paranoid and start to recede from the world thinking everyone knows whats going on inside my head?

And thats when this illness strikes, when i'm isolated from God and my fellows.

Then my head starts to justify what i've done wrong and i'll go do it again only this time worse and the same cycle starts over and over again until i'm left laying in a heap, shattered and broken by my own willfullness.

Toast wrote:When ever i'm dishonest my conscience starts to kick in and i get paranoid and start to recede from the world thinking everyone knows whats going on inside my head?

And thats when this illness strikes, when i'm isolated from God and my fellows.

Then my head starts to justify what i've done wrong and i'll go do it again only this time worse and the same cycle starts over and over again until i'm left laying in a heap, shattered and broken by my own willfullness.

I just survived that train wreck and I don't EVER want to board that train again...Keepin my head in this program and my heart open to the lessons...
~P

I was always as honest as i could be at that moment in time. When i first came into AA for me honesty was just not stealing, everything else was OK. I just didnt know any better and thought everyone else thought like me so what was the problem?

gunner48 wrote:Hi All Think I'll Get in here. Dallas I think my book is defective also for it holds the answer to my soberity. Let me start with what I understand about this topic. Constitutionally incapable of being honest. Ever meet someone who keeps going out and drinking but comes back and said I have a sponsor. I read the book , I,m working the steps, I ask God for help . The truth is the truth. What I find is My sponsors name is (blank) never call him but I have one. Last time I opened my book was at that big book thing, you know on Wednesday Night. They had me read one paragraph I read them steps on the wall and gee I agree they might help me I prayed. Lets see when I was so sick and in jail I said God if you will get me through this one I'll never do it again. If you can't get honest about the most simple thing how do you expect this to work. My problem is not and never was Alcohol. My problem was LACK OF POWER. I had to find a power by which I could live. and it had to be a power greater than myself. Obviously. Where was I to find this power? Well thats exactly what the big book is about. It's main object is to enable me to find a power greater than myself which will solve my problems. Get Honest. That God you say you have , the one you never turn to, the one you only talk about with that embrassed look on you face, you know the one your grandma talks to and you snicker in the back ground when she does, That God has never worked for you. Oh but you say God lead me to AA. No I bet your ass being in a jam lead you here. Other people managing your life (you know cops, judges, angry wives or husbands the list could go on). No I wasn't incapable of being honest . I was just a LIAR telling people what they wanted to hear, saying the right things at meeting ,you know acting like I knew something. Landed me in a place you do not want to go to. I did get honest, got a sponsor (spirital guide really), started reading what was written in black inside the covers of the big book, destroyed the god I brought to AA and started developing a relationship with a Power that could and would help me solve my problems, started reaching out and trying to help someone else, attended meeting and kept my mouth shut until I had something positive to add to the meeting (you know a solution I had expierenced), If you want to get your life back via the AA program I would highly recommend you stop lying to yourself. If you want to Whine about things we may have some cheese we could send. My old friend Tom B (Puddinhead) use to say start growing down, become child like and teachable.

BEFORE YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT LIFE TODAY, THINK ABOUT SOMEONE WHO WENT TO HEAVEN TO EARLY

Peace and Love to allGunner

Now thats some good stuff!! I like What Puddinhead has to say! My Spons says, "We need to get right sized"
Thanks for sharing!!
~P

Thanks for the share Keith! YABBA!! I have that! Too often I will forget the reality of my sickness and I appreciate it when others, such as yourself, share and shoot from the hip. Thanks for taking the time to do it! I'm reading...
~P

Yep. We get more than our share of negativity daily. Sometimes, it can seem like we're lepers in the middle of a leper colony. I think this is where the "trudge" the road of HAPPY destiny kicks in. What impressed me most when I came into AA was: These people are staying sober! Wow! How much more positive can that get? I began to believe that sobriety MIGHT be possible for me -- if I got lucky. Then, later on, I heard about RECOVERY! Wow! Sober -- AND getting better? What could be better than that? Then, I went back to a meeting and nearly everyone was talking about sickness.

We all know how to get sick. We all know what it's like to be sick.

To stay alive and be sick -- we just need to stay sober.Hey, but, that is BETTER than being dead and sick.

But we can stay alive and recover, too! IF we keep focused on our recovery!

Science spends a lot of money studying sick people. And, they know all about sick -- but, not many of the sick they are studying are making revolutionary changes in getting well.

What if -- science, instead, focused on "well people." Health People. Maybe then, they could teach us something about well and healthy people -- and we'd all get healthier? Yep. We could just start doing what healthy people do -- and we'd get healthy, too!

Do healthy people talk about getting or being sick? Rarely.

So, mark it up as one good thing that we can learn from the well ones! LOL.