Hi family- i havent been around as much as usual. when i struggle, i withdraw, a crappy coping mechanism i know but thats what i do. I have a difficult work situation. Im a high school teacher and my principal is threatening to put me on casual and take me off permanent due to my 'unreliability' and excessive sick days. i have had TWO DAYS OFF this term! 2 days! thats a record for me, i was internally feeling so happy with myself. He said that to keep my permanent position and be re-signed next term, i cant have ANY sick days for the rest of the term- 5 whole weeks. i feel this is blackmail, to say the least.

My temperature is soaring, my bones are aching and once again my sinuses are impacted, infected and causing trauma to the rest of my respiratory tract.

One of the 2 days i had off was to get xrays for a broken finger- is this such a biggie? my doctor wants me off work for at least a week of total bedrest, and also a couple of days in hospital on IV antibiotics- however i cannot follow my doctors advice as this would jeapordise my employment for the rest of the year.

My car rego and insurance is about due. My car has an oil leak that needs repairing first, i have bills coming out my ears, i have financial committments like everyone else and im not a slacker. i have busted my butt for that school over the last 3-4 years. i relish the challenge that teaching brings. however, ive always been upfront about my health with all staff at the school and they are aware that some days are truly a struggle- especially when my fibro kicks in and then my anxiety as well............ you know how it is. i do not deny that i have in the past had more time off than maybe some other teachers, but i have always been responsible and have a solid work ethic.

My anxiety is through the roof. My Zoloft makes me crave carbs- i hate my weight and the fact that i can NOT control my appetite. im a slave to my job, my illlness, my weight.

I just want to be happy and strong and fit and 'normal' and not eat everything i see, and not be constantly in poor health.

Im overwhelmed. Im carrying a load that may seem petty or trite compared to other people's problems, but im hanging by a thread. I went for an eye check up last week for my new contact lenses and was told that at the age of 28, I have the very early stage indicators of glaucoma.

I want to cry, but it hurts my sinuses.

its not fair. im 28 and have been chronically unwell since i was 14. i dont remember what healthy feels like.

Im sorry for whining and unloading but i thought i should explain why i havent been around as much- what little time i have after work, i sleep and try and unwind and yet i camt sleep properly, as my nerves are shot and my anxiety is lurking at a high level.

Im sorry i have not been able to support you as i have in the past, you have been in my prayers-

Maz, I am so sorry to hear life is so rough right now. I do not know what else to say, but I hope it gets better. We are here for you.Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?Has your life brought joy to others?

Hi Maz,Sorry to hear things aren't going well. The work thing is tough, is there a max number of days you are allowed to take? 2 seems kind of small, perhaps you can meet with the principal and chat about it? Would he let you use other personal time to deal with your medical issues? I don't know much about the education system but it seems as though if a doctor is advising you to have necessary care that would be a priority. I have to say regarding this comment you made "I just want to be happy and strong and fit and 'normal' and not eat everything i see, and not be constantly in poor health." that you coudln't have worded it better! That is exactly how I feel and for so many reasons it seems completely unattainable. I know that in reality its not true and that eventually I'll get there, but at the moment its hard to see the positive. Hang in there! You seem very overwhelmed and understandably so. Just try to take it one moment at a time and lots of deep breaths! My thoughts are with you!

I was going to write you an email today. I am sorry to hear that things have not been any better for you, and that you are dealing with so much more. Is it legal in Australia for a principal to do that when you have a doc's recommendation? We get the same stuff happening here, but I think that many people are afraid of lawsuits. Anyway, I am still praying for you, and please don't feel bad about not being on here. . . There are several of us that have been either really ill or busy, and have had to take care of business.

Get well soon. . . I hope you can find a way to balance your work and health somehow my friend.

Your Bro Sam :)

Much Love, Hugs, Peace & Comfort . . . Your Bro :)

~Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic Forum~

"Although the world is full of suffering. . . it is also full of the overcoming of it."

~Helen Keller~

Not a professional. Seek your physician's advice before making changes to your meds or lifestyle.

Sorry you are feeling so poorly. I do have one question to ask though. I too have lived for over 33 years with uncurable chronic illness, as well as Fibro and Osteoarthris. Luckily for me at the moment seems to be in remission. But do you have any type of disability in Australia? With so many health issues going on with you right now, wouldn't it be better to just go on disabillity? I know you love teaching and all, but girl you are sick. I come to work each day, but generally feel pretty crappy most of the time, and thats with my disease in remission. But its not crappy enough to keep me home yet, but I am not sure I will make it to retirement age. You sound much worse than I am. So maybe its time to put your pride aside, and do whats best for your health, and that is go on disability. I hate to see you suffering so and then forcing yourself to go into work. You come home and curl up in bed because thats all you can do. Give yourself a break, and take care of YOU.

Hugs,Gail *Nanners*Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Anxiety/Panic ForumBeen living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission.

*Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

You are a wonder woman..........by now I would have taken off more then one person's head and I would probably have started with your boss but I know you need your job. It is not fair that they are threatening you with cutting your position because you are ill. I do not know how you get up each day and get through the day feeling so awful.

I really wish you could take your physician's advice and go into the hospital as I fear you will get worse and just collapse. The body can only take so much stress and strain.

I completely understand how you feel about body image and all of the anxiety in your life. You have been cheated out of your youth and no it is not fair.

I wish I had the magic wand, but alas all I have to offer is a trip on Meg's Magic carpet ride.........think back to those warm fun days we all had and know we love you.

You have our prayers and support. You have been an inspiration to me and a great support through my trials and tribulations and now I am always here for you.

Ahh, Maz... :(... There is no need for apology. You do not come off as whining to me. You need energy to whine, and energy sounds like something you're lacking right now.

Part of your anxiety (besides from having poor health and financial concerns *including job, in that*), could be from not getting adequate sleep... It's a vicious cycle. And especially with you being sick, you NEED to sleep. What kind of things have you tried to get to sleep?I think I am being picked on by life, sometimes. But's that okay. Life and I are good buddies... I know life doesn't mean no harm. It just is the way it is. I can accept that.

MazI am so bleeding sorry for all this that is being thrown your wayI too withdraw and did for almost a month but I am back and I do hope that things really do start to get betterMy heart thoughts and prayers are with you

Maz,I am so sorry to hear about your crappy principal. I can totally relate, though. When I was your age, I was diagnosed with Chiari (rare neuro condition). I was out in the hospital for one week & then back to school ever since with no issues. Well, another teacher (our union rep, no less) was eavesdropping on a private conversation I had well after classes had ended for the day & heard about my dx. She told the principal & the principal "suggested" I resign -- even though I had glowing reviews & my attendance was not over the limit or a continuing problem. It was insane. I was so angry. I worried about what kind of teacher my students would get with me leaving mid-year. I cried for weeks. I tried to fight it, but since it was the union rep who turned me in, I didn't really have many options. I could have sued, but figured that would affect my employability with future schools, so I didn't.

Well, it turned out to be the best thing. I got a temp job to cover my bills while waiting to have surgery & got the surgery I needed. I stayed with my parents for a couple months post-op & then was recovered enough that I was able to get a better job at a new school & was completely well and much happier as a result. It seemed so horrible at the time, but ended up working out for the best. Only you know what's best for you, but you've been through so much this year. Maybe it would be in your best interest to take care of yourself & get healthy. You have the whole rest of your life to teach, but if you don't take care of your body you will shut down & not be good for anything. I don't know where you're at as far as making that decision, but I will be praying for you that you would be able to make it for yourself before it comes down to your principal making the decision for you. If you are forced out of your position, offer to go quietly in exchange for a recommendation letter. It will be best in the long run. I know it seems so hard, like everything is out of your control, but I just know that before long things will turn around for you like they did for me. Stay strong & keep believing that somehow something good will come of all this!

Oh Maz, I am so sorry for what you are going through. It's so important to our well being that we have a supportive work environment and sounds like right now, you don't have that. Odd that he would come down on you now when you've missed so little work this term when in the past you missed more but weren't called out on it.

I am with you on the weight thing. I take so many meds it's hard to tell which one in particular is preventing me from losing weight. While I have 100 lbs to lose, I can't even lose the 5 lbs that would make my slacks not fit so tight. I hate it with a passion that I am a slave to these meds which make me a slave to food. The Zyprexa that I only have to take once in a while is a killer for weight gain. I was on Depakote also but stopped it on my own due to appetite increase and hair loss (I had recently lost 20 lbs but gained it all back plus 10 on Depakote). It's terrible that we have to deal with emotional health issues AND weight issues.

On your eye situation, did the dr recommend things you could do to slow down the path to glaucoma? I don't have early stage glaucoma but I have other eye issues and my dr recommended certain supplements to help.

I don't know what to say that can help with your work issues. We will try to be here for you.

Try some heating pads and warm as you can stand wash rags on your face, they will help drain your sinuses. I am so sorry about the situation you are in, sounds like a very uncaring boss! I am here if you need to talk......

OTC-Womens One A Day Vitamin Glucosamine/Chondroitin and tons of Emu Cream for knees

I lost my mother to suicide in 2003, my father to cancer in 2007 and my grandmother this month...I have not been right since my mothers suicide, mentally speaking. I am trained to save lives, and I could not save her......

Document everything the principal says and find out your legal options. Write down every conversation, the time and date. Save medical documentation if you have it, such as doctor's notes, etc.

You will do better as soon as you feel better! Concentrate on your health as that is the most important thing. I could totally relate when you said you don't know what healthy feels like. In my case, I don't remember what it's like to feel calm mentally.

Know that we are thinking about you and praying for you. You are not alone!Anxiety Disorder/Mitral Valve Prolapse

Maz, I hardly know ye, but I can tell that you are loved and cared about here. My two cents is:

If you don't take care of yourself, you really can't take care of anything else. A big part of feeling better is to take care of yourself physically. Is it really that surprising when we feel worse about our anxiety/depression when our bodies are not functioning properly?

I would go to hospital, and then invite the principal to visit you and discuss things at your hospital room when you're hooked up to an I.V. I would also see if your doctor might possibly set things straight with your principal. But most of all, I would take the advice to seek legal council. You have rights, and being picked out or discriminated against because you have health issues is wrong, period.

As far as everything else goes, try and take it as it comes instead of all at once. I know it's difficult (WOW do I know!), but we can only take one step at a time anyway, right? =)

And so what if you feel that you are overweight! Does that change who you are? 99% of who we are has nothing to do with our body... why do we pay SO much attention to that 1%? I get the strong impression that you are a beautiful person, and that doesn't change whether you're thin as a twig or feeling a few pounds more than you'd like.

Maz, I am sooooo sorry you are still feeling so bad and dealing with all the other crap. It is sooooo unfair. I want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope things soon turn around for the better for you.

Hi Maz,I was just thinking have you tried a steam bath for your sinuses? Fill up your sink with hot hot water and then put your head over it and drape a towel over your head... it won't make the infection go away but it might give you a bit of relief. I usually sprinkle some thyme in mine since its supposed to be soothing. Then I smear vicks all over my upper chest (not just for kids!) and under my nose and weirdly enough on the soles of my feet and put on big warm socks... I don't know where I heard it but someone suggested it for respiratory stuff where a cough will keep you awake and strangely it seemed to work. Might be worth a try.I hope you are taking care of yourself, you really need TLC! *hugs*

I cant go on disabilty- not because im not sick enough, i am, but because i could not survive financially on disability. it isnt enough to get by with because i created my own problem with credit card debt. I have 2 credit cards and a small personal loan to pay off, as well as medical/phone /water/ electricity/internet bills etc that i would not be able to cover unless i worked full time. Its not a matter of pride, ive been on disability before, back in 2000: too sick to study, too sick to work. Its purely financial at the moment.

I am not sure why my principal has chosen now to take this approach, but i am extremely unwell. I have lived my life as a sick person. i fought the odds and went and got a double degree and busted my butt at university and then again with my career choice- I have just worked a 5 day week, the second one in a row.

I am on oral antiobotics (triple dose), anti-inflammatories, painkillers etc on top of my usual meds just to get one foot infront of the other.

As i am on a temporary-permanent payroll, i dont have the same rights as someone who is employed in a 'permanent' position (ive been covering the same maternity leave position for nearly 4 years now, hence my TEMP/perm status.) It doesnt change the fact that im being blackmailed, it just means i have far less options than some of my colleagues. As i said, im under no illusions about time i have had off in the past- but i am always careful. i scheduled and put off my last surgery to fit in with school holidays so i wouldnt need time off work. that meant ruining my holidays and delaying surgery i needed. i did this because i dont want to let my students and colleagues down.

i cannot afford not to work, but if i need a sick day, then i need it! i didnt choose this lot in life, it is what i have been dealt and i try and accomodate it as best as i can. but i am so frustrated, i went to work with a sinus migraine today which just got progressively worse... i had to prop myself up at my desk, but i did it.

In the current economic climate, i cant afford to lose work, but im damaging my body further and im aware of it. i am rarely, if EVER relaxed. im always switched on. its taking its toll. yes, im overwhelmed and a little daunted and im angry as hell as well. im tired of pretending its all ok, that IM ok, cause im not. im exhausted, shattered, wasted. im in pain. im in an unhappy place, but am making the best of a very difficult situation.

im only 28, but my medical history looks like it belongs to a sickly, elderly person. im not depressed, i am stressed. i eat to comfort myself, which then makes me more stressed.

enough of me whining- i just feel ive given until ive got nothing left to give-

Thankyou for your words of comfort and encouragement and advice- much love always guys, you know my HW family rock!

Maz XX

'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)

Maz, sweetie,I totally get not being able to survive on disability. It is a rough road. It is devastating to think about applying for bankruptcy, but sometimes it just can't be helped. You do have bankruptcy laws in Australia, right? Maybe you might consider checking into that.

Trust me when I say that no credit score is worth trading in your health. File for bankruptcy. Move in with family if you have to. Drop this crazy job you have & get well. You are smart not to try to force the principal's hand in any way as that is just likely to bring heaps of trouble on you, but he gave you the option to resign your post & I think you should at least consider it. It doesn't seem especially realistic for you to make it a whole term without any absences and it really is better to leave on good terms rather than being suddenly forced out of the position on a day when you're too sick to come in.

I know it seems like the end of the world, b/c I've been there. But life will go on. You can get the medical attention you desperately need & then get an office temp job, find another place to substitute teach, etc. I did that with one of my teaching jobs & was back working almost right away. I had to move back in with my folks to do it, but I was even able to keep up with my other bills the first time it happened.

This last time it didn't work out so well. I dragged myself into work every day, fitting in doctor's visits before & after work. I didn't get the proper rest after procedures & when I had a complication, I just tried to tough it out. Well, I nearly had a stroke b/c of it & I still kept working until my body just shut down completely. And thank God it did b/c I had an air bubble from an epidural that had traveled from the base of my spine up to my head & into my veins (very rare, but my doc said that me physically pushing myself so hard was a major contributing factor). I ended up losing my job anyways & only then realized it was really foolish of me to put my life at risk like that. Our bodies can only take so much. If you destroy your body you won't ever be able to work again & then you will have to learn to live off disability. I think it would be better to suffer through living off it for a short while now so you can get better vs. getting irreversibly sick & not being able to get back to work at all.

It's not my intention to be mean to you. I know I'm being very serious about what the consequences could be, but I just remember how I thought I just "had" to push through it to be able to pay my bills & I don't want to see you hurt yourself trying to do the same silly things I did. You are too valuable to this world -- and to HW especially. :)

I'm not sure I agree with you about not being depressed, Maz. You're under a hard situation, and all of that stress... You sound like you're at the end of your rope. You didn't answer my question (it's okay; I understand that you're sick and it's probably hard enough to think straight with everything else on your mind) in regards to what you do to help yourself sleep (you mentioned you have trouble sleeping, and it's no wonder with all the health problems and stressors in your life)... So... I'm going to give you a few tips. I'm sure you've probably tried some already, but hopefully, I'll have posted a few you haven't tried...

1. Try listening to some soft, relaxing music before you go to bed. Something classical, maybe a lullaby of sorts. If you can, try to get your hands on one of those CDs that play things like the sounds of the forest or the sounds of the ocean.

2. After you have done the things you needed to do that day, spend the rest of the day just relaxing. Do whatever you can to put yourself into a relaxed state (read a book, take a hot shower *or bath, but I don't personally recommend a bath*, listen to music *whatever music you like*, sit outside in the sun for a while, etc.)... You need to put yourself first, sometimes. Especially when you're ill.

3. With you being as stressed as you are, no doubt you're having those "racing thoughts" before bed. Take a deep breath. Slow down. And while you're in bed trying to get to sleep... Try to focus on one of the following things: your breathing (clear your mind entirely and think only about breathing in, then breathing out, then breathing in) or the comfort of a pillow or warm blanket... Think about how soft it is, how warm it is, how fluffy it is... And think only of that. This may help you get to sleep faster, so that even if you cannot stay asleep, you'll be able to get at least some periods of sleep.

4. I know you probably have as much energy as a car on one mL of gas, but... Perhaps taking a small walk will help you out. Help you clear your thoughts...

As for you eating to comfort yourself... It's probably really hard to get control of yourself in that aspect... but if you feel you absolutely must eat... Try eating something light and nutritious... Like a piece of fruit...

*Hugs* I really hope things get better for you...I think I am being picked on by life, sometimes. But's that okay. Life and I are good buddies... I know life doesn't mean no harm. It just is the way it is. I can accept that.

I am new here I do not know you but I wish to say that even though its tough today and it seems like a big weight is on you that things get better and nothing is impossible to overcome. I am here to support you and listen at anytime you wish.

Celey, i am sorry, my brain is in a fibro fog. i havent been sleeping cos my cat has been sick and ive had to get up every night to tend to her. now that she is better, my sleep is slowly improving. thankyou for your tips. I promise i know the difference between depression and anxiety/stress. if i was depressed, i wouldnt be on here. depression makes it impossible for me to function and communicate with the outside world. XX

Frances, i already moved home. My parents have been great, but filing for bankruptcy is not an option. i earn enough money to pay these bills, and i got myself into this, so i really need to get myself out of this. I understand where you are coming from totally, but i need to work. if i am kept on for the rest of the year, it wont be 5 days a week, it will be 2-3 days which i can manage with my health. its just these pesky 5 weeks of full time work ahead of me, that he is using to 'test' me that will be a struggle. however if i wake up absolutely ILL, i will take time off and he can take a leap. every day of my adult life has been a day where i am unwell to some degree- because i am used to being sick, i function. i just have the misfortune of being reeeeaally unwell at the moment. although im sick as a dog, i am and have always been remarkably strong. Also, at NO time has my principal asked me to leave or given me the option of leaving. Im contracted to the school for the next 5 weeks. XX

Garen, the surgery was last year. i had it done during school holidays. major sinus surgery with 2wks in hospital & a lengthy recovery. however the surgery was not a success and i need to have it done again. not sure when. so far i have had 9 major surgeries (not including day surgery procedures) since i was 14. a good general anesthetic is the best part as i get the best sleep that way, lol.

JustinPhil thankyou for your kind words, truly encouraging.

I thank you all for your words of support, encouragement and your advice. Yes, i am overwhelmed, but giving up is not an option. I do need your support/prayers and i appreciate every single word you all have written. i am grateful.

Love always,

Maz XX

'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)

Kitt, that is EXACTLY how i feel. first panic attack at 10- ive had to grow up real fast, and lost alot of joy along the way. being chronically, physically unwell since i was 14 has also made me feel this way.

You hit the nail on the head, my precious ((((((friend))))))

Maz XX

'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)

Aww my sweet buddy Maz, please know that I am always praying for you. Don't try being too strong that you end up hurting yourself even more. You have enough medical problems sweetie, we don't need more. I can so relate to being sick of being sick. I too have been there, done that. Not a fun time at all, and it does wear you down after awhile.

I can also relate to the fact of working sick. I seem to be able to push thru things that most people would crumple under. I think that is one thing we can be thankful for, that although we are ill, our illnesses have made us even stronger.

Sending ((GIANT HUGS)) and healing prayers your way. Take good care of yourself, you are very important to me.

Hugs,Gail *Nanners*Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Anxiety/Panic ForumBeen living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission.

*Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

MazI am so sorry for all this that is being thrown at you andYES your youth was stolen .............I totally agreeI wish I could wave a majic wand hun but you and I both know thats not possibleKnow you are always in my heart thoughts and special PRAYERS