Question 1

Stuff the holes in with chocolate chips
Have Mrs. Claus book him a dentist appointment
Skip the cookies for one year
Feed the cookies to the reindeer

Answer:

Stuff the holes in with chocolate chips

Question 2

If he had sluggish reindeer?

Give them sips of coffee throughout Christmas eve
Fly through the Tim Horton's Drive-Thru for some Café Mocha
Borrow the 'Go Go Juice' recipe from Honey Boo Boo
Land safely and let them power nap somewhere in the Prairies

Answer:

Fly through the Tim Horton's Drive-Thru for some Café Mocha

Question 3

If his suit fit too tightly?

Give up the red velvet cupcakes until Valentine's Day
Have his house designer, Elfie Slimane, tailor him a new one
Run to the North Pole and back, a distance of 45 kilometers
Deliver mail to all the houses on the H0H 0H0 mail route for extra activity

Answer:

Have his house designer, Elfie Slimane, tailor him a new one

Question 4

If he found his white beard suddenly boring?

Dye it dark – it's a more slimming hue anyway
Use red dye and a little creativity to stripe it like a candy-cane
Go clean-shaven for the night
Tie it in a French braid and secure it with a red bow

Answer:

Use red dye and a little creativity to stripe it like a candy-cane

Question 5

If he left dirty footprints on someone's white carpet?

Blame it on Rudolph
Hide the evidence with the biggest gift in his sac
Wipe it clean with leftover milk in his cup
Use magic to make it disappear

Answer:

Use magic to make it disappear

Question 6

If his iPhone 5 died mid-gift delivery?

Reconcile to switch to a Samsung once he was back at the North Pole
Plug in at the Three Gorges Dam in China, the biggest power generator in the World.
Revert to using Rudolph's nose for Morse-code message delivery
Use the old flip-phone stored in the glove box for emergencies

Answer:

Revert to using Rudolph's nose for Morse-code message delivery

Question 7

If his pesky allergies were acting up on Christmas Eve?

Take a fistful of menthol candy-canes to keep his airways clear
Ask Mrs. Claus to sit-in for him, as she's efficient and capable anyways
Put sugar-water drops in his eyes to sweeten them up
Drink a steaming hot pot of cocoa drinking chocolate, an excellent anti-oxidant

Answer:

Question 8

If his 'Nice' list went up in flames after grazing a glowing fireplace?

Nothing – he backed it up with a digital version so he's all good
Decide that everyone is nice deep-down and deserves a gift anyways
Go with his gut intuition based on how many cookies were left out
Figure the odds for 'Nice' are 50/50 and deliver gifts to every-other house

Answer:

Nothing – he backed it up with a digital version so he's all good

/8

Do you, by chance, have a beard and a belly that jiggles like a bowl full of jelly? You are as smart as Santa!

Fret not, friend. You're not Santa – how would you know the answers to his magic tricks?