Salad Kabobs

2008 was a really crappy year for me. While most of my friends were experimenting with illegitimate kids, stretching their trust fund dollar, and third tries at community college, I was coping with the death/disease/divorce trifecta, and had somehow ended up cohabitating with a relatively new boyfriend. As a disgruntled house frau (the least effective kind), my function was to play video games, wonder what happened to my life, and have dinner ready by the time the breadwinner got home.

My perpetual state of fatalistic ennui never seeped into the food I prepared for him. It never mattered how my plate looked, since spending time on presentation for something that will just get turned into poop is a waste. His was always pristine; I actually gave a damn about arranging his crinkle-cut veggis before they were swallowed whole. Its a military kid thing from what he told me… whatever that means. One fateful night, a salad wedge was prepared… and it was not well received. Not realizing that it was actually a “thing”, he branded me as lazy and put on that signature grouchy man-child face. He spotted one at a restaurant months later and immediately felt like an asshole. Though we’re still close and can joke about it, I’ll hold the ungratefulness over his head until I’m a worm farm. Whats a grudge?

So here’s something he’d be equally ungrateful for. Salad kabobs. It may not be the peak of my condiment usage, but like most rabbit food I’ve had to eat lately… it’ll do.

Salad Kabobs

Ingredients

Full head of iceberg lettuce

Random veggis you thought you’d eat when you bought them but never got around to it

Packet of salad dressing (packeted dressing has the consistency of pus… just FYI)

Supplies

Bamboo or metal skewer (available at the grocery/dollar store in packs of a bajillion)

Knife

Directions

Cut the head of lettuce in half vertically, then into vertical round slices. Lay each round slice flat on the cutting board and cut it into strips, then cubes.