Saturday, December 10, 2005

There was not enough snow for Hulk to shovel and make extra pocket money so he can buy presents for his friends like the man at the donut place that makes sure Hulk has an extra big coffee and Captain America who is a very nice person except when he is all bossy and that makes Hulk sad.

If Hulk could feel strong and brave about doing it, Hulk would make a computer frowny face like this :( but Hulk can not.

Friday, December 02, 2005

HA HA HA HA HA!

Somebody put the imitation BEN GRIMM ROCK MAN HANDS on the "toys you should not buy for your kid because they will hurt themselves real bad if they play with them" list and you can click here to see them write about them!

These are the stupid hands! They are stupid!

Hulk wants to point out one thing: the fake Hulk hands that were put out with the movie about the Hulk that was pretty OK when it was about Hulk smashing and not that stupid made-up stuff about his father being the stupid Absorbing Man were never on that list of toys.

BEN GRIMM: YOU MAY HAVE A BILLION ZILLION DOLLARS AND LIVE IN A SKYSCRAPER, BUT NOBODY EVER SAID HULK TOYS HURT BABIES!!!!!!!

Monday, November 28, 2005

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Do you know what Hulk really, really likes to eat for breakfast when he knows he's going to be smashing stupid bad guys all day? He likes to eat Cream of Rice! Thor is all about Cream Of Wheat, but if there's one thing Hulk has learned from his years of smashing bad guys (yes, Juggernaut, Hulk knows you're out there just wait a minute while Hulk writes in his diary that is on the internet, ok?!?) it's that you need to have good rice energy and not heavy wheat energy because rice energy is what Shang-Chi and Iron Fist use and have you seen those people fight? They are unstoppable when they are flying around and flipping and kicking stuff in the air.

OK, NOW HULK GOES TO BEAT UP THE STUPID JUGGERNAUT WHO'S REALLY GOT IT COMING. HE BETTER PUT DOWN THAT BUICK.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Hulk is sorry he has not written in Hulk's Internet Diary in a few days.

Hulk had to go fight "The Abomination" in the Desert and it was OK.

Especially the part where Hulk used a tank to smack "The Abomination" in the face real hard.

That picture there is of the Movie Hulk bending a tank up and Hulk wants to say that he always makes sure that Real American Heroes like GI Joe are out of their tanks before he uses their tanks as weapons against bad guys like "The Abomination."

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Friday, October 28, 2005

THIS IS THE LAST UPDATE ABOUT THE SAVANNAH KITTY. Hulk is sending the money over and if you want to find out the total amount of American cash money, then keep reading! Hulk has very good news for all the people who read Hulk's diary!

"Comic Treadmill" sent money for the kitty! "Comic Treadmill" didn't want me to give away their secret identity, so Hulk keeps it secret and safe, not like stupid Iron Man telling everybody that he's Tony Stark.

Victoria Walker helped make sure that all the puny humans and Hulk made the goal that Hulk set and Hulk is so very proud and happy! Hulk doesn't want to admit that Hulk has cried a tiny bit with this, but Hulk can tell you that Hulk had to blow his nose a few times and cuddle with his giant Snoopy toy!

Like Victoria, Linda Park gave extra money to meet the goal and was joined by Luke, who asked Hulk to smash a bad guy for him, so Hulk will do that with his fists when he gets a chance to smash a bad guy, which happens pretty darn often in New York City!

Do you want to know how muchyou helped Hulk raise? ThenHulk will tell you!

$243.97!!!!!

Hulk is so proud of his friends, and is really really happy that he can send the money to the people who are helping take care of Savannah!!!

Hulk is sending the money over now and is going to sleep really really good tonight with his Snoopy doll. Hulk is so happy Hulk could sing, but Hulk got told he will get evicted if he breaks into "Dancing Queen" anymore after 10PM in the evening anymore.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Hulk really hates a lot of the "We Are The World" charity crap that stupid pop stars do instead of just handing over their own big buckets of money to help people and stuff that are in need of helping, but Hulk doesn't have buckets of money to do this thing so he has to just ask all of you to help out with a cause that Hulk holds very dear: KITTY-CATS!!!!

There is a cat that some stupid puny human hit with his stupid car when he was driving down the stupid street named "Savannah." That is the cat's name, not the street's name or the car's name or the stupid puny human's name or the name of the town where the stupid puny human was driving his car, hitting nice kitties. You can find out how to help this very nice kitty by visiting this internet web-page or by going ahead and getting out your checkbook and writing a check and putting "SAVANNAH FOGG (HULK TOLD ME TO SAY HI!!!)" in the "MEMO" line and sending it to this address:

North Laurel Animal Hospital9105 Suite P All Saints Rd.Laurel, MD 20723(You can call them at 301-953-7387 if you want.)

Also if you want to give Hulk the money and have Hulk send them the money, you can click on this "Donation" button that Hulk set up. If you send Hulk the money, he will send the money to the kitty cat's hospital for you. Hulk will total up the amount that the puny humans reading this have given and give out names so if you want to see your name and a message if you want to be nice and give "props" to your "peeps" put in Hulk's Diary, then give $2 to the Kitty Cat Fund by pressing this button right here below this sentence!

This kitty is hurt real, real bad and Hulk wants you to help so you should help if you know what is good for you. Now, here is a picture of the kitty named Savannah:

GET BETTER, SAVANNAH!!! HULK WANTS YOU TO BE STRONGAND AWESOME LIKE JOURNEY!!! DON'T STOP BELIEVING!!!

Here are peoplewho have givento the Kitty Fund!

UPDATE!!!:Joel Handloff gave $2 to the Kitty Cat Fund! JOEL IS ROCKIN' LIKE DOKKEN, like Thor would say!!! (Thor would probably say it like "Forsooth! Yon mortal is verily a fine example!" or some stupid blah blah blah like that!)

EVEN MORE UPDATED!!!:ALAN EVANS gave some money to the Savannah Kitty fund! Alan Evans is a hero to all the children of the world! YAY ALAN!

BISCUIT DONATED A LOT MORE EXTRA MONEY THAN THE BUTTON ASKED! Biscuit is a really, really good person and Hulk is glad that Hulk knows Biscuit!

UPDATING IS FUN WHEN IT IS FOR A GOOD CAUSE!!!:WHO HAS HELPED HULK HELP A KITTY? Ted Johnson has helped Hulk help a kitty!

This guy named "Josh Krach" sent Hulk some extra money for the kitty, too, like Biscuit, and he has a kitty and it is a nice kitty! You should look at his kitty by visiting this page.

HULK SAYS HELLO TO MARK HALE, who gave the kitty some money! THANK YOU MARK HALE! YOU ARE NOW UNDER HULK'S PROTECTION! If bad men show up you say NO NO NO and call Hulk and Hulk will "clean their clocks!!!"

EXTRA MONEY IS WHAT KAREN BATES GAVE, TOO!!! She wants Savannah Kitty to get better real soon because she is a big-hearted person. Her kitty is named Audrey and you can see her by clicking here!.

To celebrate everyone being really "awesome,"here is a present for you to look at! It is kind of small, but if you look real hard youcan see that this......IS A MONKEY WASHING A KITTY!!!!

EXTRA SPECIAL UPDATE!!!Ivy Imbuido is a very nice person who has given money all the way from Australia, which is a planet way over on the other side of the Solar System! IVY! THANK YOU SO MUCH FROM BOTTOM OF HULK'S HEART!!

NOVICE is one of Hulk's favorite people and she sent some money, too, and that was really cool of her! She is cool like "BILLY JOEL" in the "UPTOWN GIRL" video where he was ugly but his coolness made THAT BEAUTIFUL BLONDE LADY fall in love with him and his bad dancing!

MORE UPDATING!!!!HEY HULK HAS MORE PEOPLE WHO HAVE GIVEN MONEY TO HELP THE KITTY, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?! Puny humans can be totally amazing when they are not telling Hulk to go easy on the free refills at the soda machine at Wendy's!!!

John DiBello likes the kitty! Hulk likes John DiBello for liking the kitty!

James Bernet has a last name that could be French and Hulk should tell him to not go read that issue of this comic book called "The Ultimates" where that version of Captain America says something rude about France if he is French!

ONE LAST UPDATE TONIGHT AND THEN HULK GOES TO BED SO HE CAN GET UP EARLY IN THE MORNING AND HELP SMARTY MAN REED RICHARDS BEAT UP SOME BAD PERSON IN THE NEGATIVE ZONE

Jorge Figueiredo has a name that Hulk thinks is fun to say and he likes Savannah the kitty cat!!! He's from Toronto, which is a city that Hulk has promised to never smash, that's how much he likes it!

A very good mom who loves her son and kitties, Lynn Thomas decided to spread her wealth and give Savannah a helping hand! Yay, Lynn! Yay!!!!

Do you want to know howmuch you helped Hulk raisefor the Kitty today?

$88.00!!!!!

Hulk wants to help raise this to over $100 tomorrow, so tell people you know to give to the fund to help Savannah the kitty and we will help her be as healthy as she is nice!!! REMEMBER: IF YOU GIVE MONEY, HULK WILL TYPE YOUR NAME INTO HIS COMPUTER AND PUT IT ON THE INTERNET!!!

Update For Friday!!!!Hulk was so glad to open up his internet email after getting back from the "Negative Zone" and find out that Noran Warot said to herself "Self, I should help that Kitty out!" Hulk looked in his comments and saw that Noran made a big sacrifice to help make sure the kitty got better! (NOTE: HULK THOUGHT NORAN WAS A BOY BECAUSE HULK IS DUMB.)

THIS PART IS VERY IMPORTANTSO MAKE SURE YOU PAY ATTENTION

Hulk is going to send over the kitty money tonight on his computer, so Hulk wants to see if we can get all the people on the internet who want to be mentioned in Hulk's diary to raise $200 for the kitty TODAY!!!!! This is going to be hard work, but Hulk knows we can do it, people!!! Get your friends and tell them to go look at the kitty and press the button! For $2, you can buy a big cup of bad coffee at "DUNKIN DONUTS" or you can help a kitty be totally righteous and awesome again. We have over $90 now, but we can totally beat that!!!!

Vanessa Simoneau!!!! SHE LOVES KITTIES! DO YOU LOVE KITTIES LIKE VANESSA?!? THEN GIVE SOME MONEY TO HELP THIS KITTY WHO IS A GOOD KITTY AND NEEDS HELP SO IT CAN DO BASIC THINGS LIKE EAT!!!!

Stupid P Diddy or Puff Daddy or maybe his dead friend NOTORIOUS B I G once said that "More money was more problems," but Hulk thinks it is obvious that they never raised MONEY FOR CATS with the help of Hulk's internet friends! Here is a NEW BATCH with a NEW GRAND TOTAL AT THE BOTTOM.

Tracie Evans says that she loves kittens AND HULK! Hulk is all red under his green skin!!

Gary Sella pressed the button and gave the fund some money because he is a good person. Gary Sella, THUMBS UP TO YOU!

MARK ANBINDER IS WHAT ALL CHILDREN SHOULD WANT TO BE WHEN THEY GROW UP BECAUSE HE GAVE A LOT OF EXTRA MONEY!!! YAY MARK ANBINDER!

DEVON BENDER IS NOT THE ROBOT FROM THE TV SHOW CALLED "FUTURAMA" AND HOW DOES HULK KNOW THIS? That robot did not have a first name and wouldn't be real nice and give money to the Kitty Cat Named Savannah Fund!!!

SETH HILL is a handsome man from Brooklyn, which is near the "Greenwich Village" that Hulk lives in! He loves kittens and his cute wife Katrina, who is a super-smarty-pants with a brand new thing called a DOCTORATE. I think this means that Reed Richards has to call her ma'am!!

HULK FORGOT SOMEONE WHO DID REAL GOOD!!! PRINCESS SPEEDY WHO IS REALLY CALLED STEPHANIE GAVE EXTRA MONEY YESTERDAY AND HULK JUST NOT REMEMBERED TO PUT HER NAME IN, SO HULK IS WRITING THIS REAL BIG TO SAY THAT PRINCESS STEPHANIE SPEEDY IS A REALLY GOOD PERSON!!!!

WE NOW HAVE $140 TO GIVE TO THE DOCTOR THAT WILL HELP FIXSAVANNAH!

WE ARE REALLY CLOSE, PUNY HUMANS!LET'S MEET THE GOALAND THEN PARTY!

Mark Rouleau lives in Rochester, New York! It gets really really cold there, so I bet he likes snuggling up with a nice kitty cat and watching TV in the winter! That's why he pressed the button! YOU CAN PRESS THE BUTTON TOO!

Scott Forgue can tell you that the stars at night are big and bright *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* DEEP IN THE HEART OF CONNECTICUTCITICONNECTICONCUT OR HOWEVER IT IS SPELLED!

Hulk thinks Leigh McConnaughey is a very nice person because she helped out Savannah! YAY, Leigh McConnaughey!!!!

Monday, October 17, 2005

HELLO THIS IS A MESSAGE TO WENDY, FROM HULK:

Wendy, Hulk knows that Hulk worked at your little fast food chain for a little while and wasn't a very good employee, but Hulk really likes your "product." Hulk wants to mention something, though - Hulk really misses the "Monterey Chicken Sandwich" that you made for a while. It had mustard and cheese and ham and was really, really tasty. Please put it back on your menu. Thank you.

Hulk

PS> If you do not do what Hulk asked nicely for you to do, Hulk is not responsible for what Hulk might do. Hulk really wants one of those tasty sandwiches.

Monday, October 03, 2005

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT SO PAY ATTENTION.

This week is the week that the comic where Hulk fights a big stupid red dinosaur comes out on Wednesday! Make sure you buy it because it is the best comic book about Hulk that Hulk has read in a long time and it is written by Tom Sniegoski and drawn by Eric Powell and it has "Devil Dinosaur"'s name in big, big letters because Hulk is a humble fellow. You can also read another story in this comic that is reprinted from the 1960s and it says it's about a Hulk, but it is not about this Hulk. And no, that other Hulk is not the other Hulk that Hulk sees in shiny surfaces. If you want to find out more, go visit this webpage on the internet about the comic!

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Hulk helped those kids at the elementary school yesterday by teaching them not to get in a car with a stranger by making Thor pretend to be a stranger and Hulk pretended to be a little boy and Hulk wore short pants and a baseball cap and a pair of sneakers and skipped and sang "Hulk is a little teapot!" and then when Thor pretended to be a bad person said "Have at thee, lad! Get into yon transport so I may take thee away from this mortal coil," Hulk used the three rules that all kids must remember when dealing with bad people and showed the kids how to keep themselves from being stolen!

You want to know the three rules? Here they are!

1) If you do not know the person, say "I do not know you and even if you tell me there is a kitten in your van, Hulk is not going to get in that van," except you can say your name and not "Hulk," OK?

2) If the bad person grabs you, yell real loud and say "I do not know this bad person who is taking me and putting me in their car!"

3) If they are really bad, aim at what Hulk calls "The Tony Starks" and kick them real hard between their legs and then hit their throat and their eyeballs!

Friday, September 02, 2005

THIS IS A LIST OF PEOPLE WHO HULK THINKSYOU SHOULD GIVE MONEY TO IF YOU WANTTO HELP PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN HURTREAL BAD BY THAT STUPID STORM!!!

Paypal is not taking any fees off the money they take from people who help give money to this very important "effort"! CLICK HERE if you want to give money to their giant robot computer that helps people.

The Red Cross have helped many people over the years but right now they do not have enough money to help these people. You can CLICK HERE to give them some of your money that you were just going to use to buy Red Bull or candy or maybe some monster truck magazines so you can be like Hulk!

Find out how the superheroes called "Mercy Corps" are doing a lot to help people and if you want, you can give them money to help them if you CLICK HERE.

There is a tiny little church in Baton Rouge that is "housing" many of the people who are running away from the big mess that Katrina made and they are needing some money to help these people out! CLICK HERE to go read Puny Human Dave's site, where he can tell you more!

There are many puppies and kittens and monkeys and other nice animals that people have that are going hungry and getting sick in the middle of this stupid mess! If you CLICK HERE, you can help them out, too!

Hulk has given what Hulk can! It is time for puny humans to "step up!"

If you see some people saying "Hello, we are collecting money for victims of Katrina!" and you do not know who they are, you can go to THIS INTERNET WEBSITE and find out if they are good people or stupid villains who need smashing. If they are villains, make sure you email Hulk and give Hulk their address!

Picture of Hulk by Puny Human James Kochalka, who Hulk did not "request permission" from, but it is a picture of Hulk anyway, so Hulk took it and had Iron Man put the words in Hulk's mouth!

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Hulk really really hopes that all of the puny humans in Louisiana take care of themselves and don't drown or anything because of that big stupid storm named Katrina. Hulk asked the girl at the coffee shop named Katrina if she knew this storm and if she would tell it to knock things off, but she said she couldn't help because it was a big storm and she was just an art student. She then gave Hulk his triple mocha latte and a biscotti and Hulk sat in the big big chair they got for him and read the "comic books" that the people at Marvel send Hulk.

They are pretty OK, Hulk guesses. Hulk thinks they need more smashing because that is what people want to see when they read a comic book about the Hulk and his smashing. Look at that baby there and tell Hulk that the baby is not all like "Hello, I would like to be told about more smashing in the Hulk comic book because I am a little baby and can't read yet!"

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Hulk just found out a new fact that is important if you are fighting somebody who is a really bad person called "The Leader" in the middle of the place that you live that is called The Village that is in Manhattan which is part of New York.

If you knock over an apartment building and pick up a wall and beat "The Leader" with it a lot, you will probably get yelled at by the Mayor and the Chief of Police and then Captain America will come over and tell you that he's disappointed in you.

Hulk has to say something, though: it felt real good to smash that big-headed poo-poo head with that wall.

PS> Today is Puny Human Jack Kirby's birthday and even if he is dead, Hulk wanted to say that Hulk wouldn't be the Hulk he is without him. Happy Birthday, Jack!

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Hulk wants to tell all the kids that even if they see Hulk having a big slice of pizza for breakfast, that is not what kids should have for breakfast because it is not nutritious!!! Hulk is big and strong already so he can have pizza for breakfast and a big soda and he can watch the pigeons but you should have some fruit and some cereal and maybe some eggs!!! OK, KIDS? EAT HEALTHY!

Friday, August 19, 2005

Hulk likes to listen to "deep house" music a lot when Hulk is cleaning his apartment in the part of New York that is called the Village and sometimes he plays it a little too loud and gets in trouble. Hulk thinks they call it "house" music because you play it when you are doing house work and you want to stay in a "deep" trance and scrub and scrub and scrub that toilet and tub!

You can listen to some good "deep house" if you go to this internet web site and go to their radio channels. Hulk is writing this post to avoid having to clean off the ceiling fans but now that Hulk has told you people about the "deep house" music, Hulk doesn't have an excuse.

PS> BEN GRIMM I AM NOT A "PANTYWAIST" OR A "SISSY" BECAUSE I LIKE THE MUSIC THAT GOES THUMP THUMP THUMP! Hulk is so "done" with your stereotyping!!!!

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Hulk has changed the way his diary looked because Hulk got a lot of emails about his diary looking "ugly" and people don't realize that Hulk is not that good at design and internet stuff so he talked to his friend that helps him put up his diary and told him that he would not smash him if his friend helped him redesign the diary so it is redesigned now!

Hulk may need to "tweak" a few things, but Hulk thinks that it looks MIGHTY SNAZZY NOW!

Monday, August 15, 2005

Hulk is not going to tolerate internet trolls looking to stir up trouble on his diary! Hulk has "taken out" Fin Fang Foom and some other big stupid monsters! Hulk punched a dinosaur in his soft spot once and made him cry. Internet person "TONTO" needs to learn that insulting Hulk because Hulk wanted to make sure nobody fought in his diary's comments is not the way to make sure that you are Hulk's friend.

Buying Hulk some Red Bull Magical Superdrink, though, can make sure that you are Hulk's best friend, just like Rick Jones was!

OH, YES, INTERNET PERSON "LOTHAR HEX" - NO, HULK HAS NOT PLAYED NEW VIDEO GAME YET BUT WILL REPORT WHEN HE DOES BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE IT IS A LOT OF FUN TO PLAY BECAUSE IT HAS A LOT OF SMASHING WITHOUT THE BILLS! HA HA HA!

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Hulk has been thinking lately (STOP LAUGHING, STUPID BEN GRIMM) about "secret identities" and how important it is for some people to make sure that nobody knows who they are. Hulk knows that some people, like Spider-Bug-Man or Moon Knight Who Is Not Batman Honest want to protect people they love and care about while they do their super-hero stuff. Hulk heard that Monkeyfaced President had a special helper who told some people who are not as nice as other people the "secret identity" of a spy because her husband said something about a bad person not being as super-bad as they thought he was and making the Monkeyfaced President look like he was telling a lie.

Hulk does not like hearing about people "selling out" other people because they have done something that ticked the person who is "selling out" the information off. SECRET IDENTITIES ARE SECRET IDENTITIES AND ONLY THE PERSON WHO IS DOING THE STUFF CAN TELL PEOPLE ABOUT THEM OR MAYBE THEIR BOSS IF THEY WORK FOR SOMEBODY LIKE THE AVENGERS OR THE "JUSTICE LEAGUE" IN THE CARTOONS. Secret identities are very important for a lot of people to do things that are good and right and Hulk doesn't like people treating them like they are not important!!

Hulk thinks that Monkeyfaced President's Helper needs to have a special talking-to and maybe he should spend some time not working for Monkeyfaced President.

Hulk has to go because Hulk just ate a whole box of Junior Mints from the movie theater and boy he has a sugar-rush headache now!

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Hulk is glad to see that babies still like to wear the "Hulk Hands" that the toy companies made when Hulk's movie came out a long time ago. Hulk thought it was really cute how Ben Grimm had toy smashy hands and toy smashy feet for that movie about him and Mister Fantastic and Invisible Woman Sue Storm and Johnny Torch, but his toys are not as good as Hulk's toys because Ben Grimm is not as good as Hulk!

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

HULK HAD TO DELETE A LOT OF COMMENTS BECAUSE PEOPLE SPOILED THE NEW HARRY POTTER BOOK ABOUT THE BOY WHO IS A GREAT WIZARD!!!

Hulk is not happy about this, puny humans that comment on his website! Hulk hasn't gotten very far in the audiobook version that Hulk listens to on the white computer music sound box that Captain America gave him for Christmas last year!!!

Also: BE NICER TO EACH OTHER. Hulk will use "ban" command and kick out mean people! The world has too many mean people like The Leader and J Jonah Jameson Who Looks Like Hitler and The Abomination and he wants people to be nice! DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF HULK'S FINGERS?!?

Friday, July 08, 2005

This is a nice picture of the Hulk fighting astupid red dinosaur by this puny human namedEric Powell who makes a comic bookthat is called The Goon that you shouldread. He is making some comic books that willhave Hulk and some other people that are comingout in October from Marvel Comics who make comicbooks about The Hulk and other people like Rock-ManBen Grimm and Spider-Bug-Man. You can read moreabout them on the internet when you click here.

Monday, June 27, 2005

DEAR TOM CRUISE:

You have made Hulk very upset because you have taken that nice little girl Katie Holmes who has not graduated the eighth grade yet and made her into your special friend to take around and you think that gives you the right to act like a monkey on that woman Oprah's show but it does not! Hulk is tired of seeing you and even if Hulk wanted to go see the movie about the War Of The Worlds (GO EARTH! HULK IS IN YOUR CORNER!) before you started acting like Speedball after he's had too many of Iron Man's special grown-up drinks, he does not want to see it now because he is tired of seeing you and he thinks there's a special place for people like you and it was called "Arkham Asylum" in that movie that they made about Batman, which is where Hulk first saw that Katie Holmes that you have kidnapped and brainwashed.

Please let Katie Holmes go, Tom Cruise. You are making Hulk angry and tired and cranky whenever Hulk sees you. You wouldn't like Hulk when he's angry and tired and cranky unless you are the Red Bull Superdrink sales man because then you get all of Hulk's money.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Hulk just had a really good pizza when Rock-Man Ben Grimm and nice Invisible Woman came by to help Hulk install Hulk's new stereo system that he won in a raffle run by the local youth center that was looking for money to repair damage that stupid supervillain Rhino made when he was breaking stuff the other week because he has "mommy issues" according to Doc Sampson, who is a very nice man that is a special talking doctor.

Hulk likes pineapple and ham on his pizza very much and is glad that Rock-Man Ben Grimm and Invisible Woman agreed with that. They sat on Hulk's stoop with Hulk and talked to kids about eating their vitamins and doing their pushups.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Hulk is very sorry that Hulk got Hulk's hand stuck in that jar with the pickles at the deli. Hulk is very sorry to Mr. Katzenburg and Mrs. Katzenberg for breaking that jar and making the big mess and Hulk is very sorry that he lost his temper and made that mess.

However, you did not need to call Hulk a "stupid green monster."

That hurt Hulk's feelings a lot. Hulk said Hulk was sorry and Hulk made sure that the nice people at Damage Control came along and took care of the mess and replaced that wall and put your "inventory" back.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

I BROKE OTHER HULK WHO WAS HIDING IN MY MIRROR!!!!

HULK WINS!!!!

OH NO!!! NOW THERE IS OTHER HULK IN HULK'S COMPUTER MONITOR!!!!

Hulk may have to ask Thor for help. Hulk hates asking Thor for help. Thor makes Hulk go get Thor's conditioner and shampoo, which makes Hulk feel like he's in the "Fab 5," who Hulk never sees do any superhero stuff.

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

HULK SAYS IT IS TIME TO TALK TURKEY ABOUT FAKE INTERNET HULK DIARIES THAT ARE NOT THE REAL HULK'S INTERNET DIARY THAT IS ON THE INTERNET!

Hulk is sad to find out that some people have "ripped off" Hulk's diary and decided to write like they are Hulk, even if they are not as smart or as handsome or as ignorant (Doctor Strange called me that and he is a nice man!) as Hulk is! Hulk has been doing his internet diary since the internet was invented in 2001 and thinks that people need to find their own things to do like go gardening or learn magic tricks to show other people instead of making fun of Hulk because when you make fun of Hulk, you make Hulk mad! Hulk doesn't think this is Other Hulk, because Other Hulk lives in separate dimension or something - Hulk has to ask Mister Science Man Reed Richards about that, and if it is Other Hulk, HULK WILL SMASH YOU REALLY REALLY GOOD.

Hulk has to go get his haircut now! Hulk wants fake internet Hulks to think about the thing that they have done that is bad!!!

Friday, May 20, 2005

Sometimes Hulk complains about how Hulk is drawn and written by puny humans who make Hulk comic books but Hulk wants to say that Hulk really likes this part of a comic book that the Hulk was in because Hulk really likes horses and thinks that you all need to go talk to horses and get to know them because they are nice and if you pet them real nice and talk to them and give them sugar cubes, they can be your friends too!

Hulk knows how hard it can be to make friends, so if you need friends, go get some carrots or sugar cubes and go see the horses and pet them really nice like you would a little kitten! If you take candy bars or Red Bull Superdrink to them, though, you get yelled at by the person who takes care of the horses and then you have to go home without having a new horse friend that is nice!

PS> OTHER HULK - HORSE IS HULK'S FRIEND, NOT YOUR FRIEND! You will not have any friends because you are not nice and you take things that are not yours like Hulk's pizza and Hulk's kitten friend that Hulk saved!

Monday, May 09, 2005

HULK HAS TO MAKE AN APOLOGY ON THE INTERNET TO THE PERSON NAMED KATY THAT READS HIS INTERNET DIARY AND LIKES IT A LOT.

Hulk's email sometimes does not get read as much as Hulk should read it and sometimes it breaks and eats messages and sometimes Hulk just deletes all the mail and wins the "HOTMAIL" game. ANYHOW, Katy sent Hulk a very nice picture that she made and Hulk never saw it and now he wants to show everybody's KATY'S NICE PICTURE so Hulk is going to put it right here:

Hulk has a CHAIR that he sits on, but other than that it is VERY MUCH LIKE HULK'S REAL LIFE and Hulk thanks Katy VERY MUCH for working so hard on this picture for Hulk!

Thursday, May 05, 2005

THIS IS A LETTER TO THE PERSON WHO PUTS THE MENUS IN HULK'S MAILBOX AND AROUND HULK'S DOORKNOB.

Dear Person Who Puts The Menus In Hulk's Mailbox And Around Hulk's Doorknob:Stop putting menus in Hulk's mailbox and around Hulk's doorknob! Hulk is tired of having to throw away stupid menus from places that serve food that Hulk will not eat! Hulk likes Chinese Food just fine but Hulk goes around the corner to Magic Lucky Star Garden and gets it from the nice man there! Hulk is not lazy and wanting delivery! Hulk is big and strong and can walk two blocks!

Besides, Hulk does not like "Thai" food! It has stupid peppers in it and EW Hulk does not like the peppers! Hulk does not like Indian food because Hulk thinks the white man took enough from the Indians when they moved into America! Hulk doesn't want to make them work to make food for Hulk when Hulk can feed Hulk's own self!

Thank You For Stopping The Menus That You Put In Hulk's Mailbox And Around Hulk's Doorknob,Hulk

PS> Hulk is being nice and not saying how he will smash you if you don't stop it, but trust Hulk...Hulk will smash!

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Hulk went by "stoop sale" at place down the street today and picked up an old video game system that was called PONG and plugged it in but thinks it is broken because it just has stupid blip going left and right and left and right and left and right and left and right and left and right and left and right.

Where can Hulk get CDs with "PONG Games" on them??

Hulk asked Spider-Bug-Man about this when Spider-Bug-Manwas swinging through neighborhood on his icky webs that he leaves behind him (ew gross gross gross!) and got told to "put a sock in it, Greensleeves."HULK'S NAME IS NOT GREENSLEEVES! HULK'S NAME IS HULK!!!

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

HULK WROTE A SONG ABOUT HIS SANDWICH THAT HE IS EATING RIGHT NOW! DO YOU WANT TO HEAR HULK'S SONG ABOUT SANDWICH? OK! HULK WILL GIVE YOU THE LYRICS BECAUSE UNLESS YOU LIVE IN A "THREE BLOCK RADIUS" YOU CAN NOT HEAR HULK'S SONG THAT IS EXCELLENT! It is so good that the people upstairs kick the floor to show how much they like it! That is so nice of them!

Hulk's baloney has a first name!It's H-U-L-K-apostrophe-S!Hulk's baloney has a second name!It's B-A-L-O-N-E-Y.Hulk likes to eat it everydayAnd wash it down with Red Bull Superdrink - HOORAY!Because Hulk needs lots of energyAnd he gets it in baloney.

Mmm. BALONEY! Hulk sees you, Other Hulk, in the oven's glass! Hulk's sandwich is better than your sandwich because Hulk put Miracle Whip on it! Everything is better with Miracle Whip on it!

OK, that is a lie. Fruit pies are not better with Miracle Whip on them.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

THANK YOU EVERYBODY WHO GAVE HULK RED BULL MONEY!!! Hulk now has $22 that he can use to make sure that he can keep VILLAGE IN NEW YORK safe for more days!

Hulk still seeing other Hulk all over the place. Hulk thinking it may be time for a "reckoning." You could say Hulk reckons it is time for a reckoning, but Hulk is not from Alabama or Georgia or Oregon or any other states in the south!!!

Hulk got call from a company offering Hulk a "credit card" with "low interest." HULK THINKS THAT IF YOUR COMPANY WANTS TO OFFER HULK A CARD THAT GIVES HIM CREDIT, IT SHOULD HAVE A LOT OF INTEREST IN HULK! Puny companies! Hulk wants to feel like is a valued customer and that he is not another cog in your stupid money trap machines!

Hulk told them NO! He's heard about how Credit Cards got stupid stinky Wolverine in trouble at a place called "Scores."

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

OK HULK HAS TO ASK EVERYONE THAT READS HULK'S INTERNET DIARY FOR A FAVOR BECAUSE HE IS RUNNING OUT OF MONEY FOR RED BULL SUPERDRINKS AND NEEDS MONEY SO HE CAN GET RED BULL SUPERDRINKS.

Hulk is not getting money from stupid Tony Stark and Avengers Pension Fund for another few days and Hulk needs some money so he can have the energy to do what needs to be done in this city, like telling stupid Spider-Bug-Man to leave him alone! A Red Bull Superdrink for Hulk only costs $2 and if Hulk gets like $6, he can buy a four pack which saves him 80% or something! Hulk put a button on the right so you could click and donate $2 to Hulk's account at the bank down the street and Hulk can go "Hello, nice teller, please give Hulk money that he needs for Red Bull Superdrink."

Sunday, April 17, 2005

OK, OTHER HULK, THIS IS GETTING SERIOUS!!

I saw you in that puddle from the fire hydrant when the fire men were helping that family save their kitten and Hulk had to jump in building and then find the kitten and then save the kitten and it was cute but Hulk thought the little girl and the little boy in the family wanted the kitten more and when Hulk was handing over the Kitten, he SAW YOU, OTHER HULK, WITH A KITTEN IN THE PUDDLE! OH HULK WAS SO JEALOUS!!!

Then Hulk saw you when getting Iced Coffee with Captain America and you were in the glass at the coffee place and that is no good! Hulk is not putting up with this anymore! Stop following Hulkand go follow someone else!

Friday, April 08, 2005

Hulk's tummy feels a lot better because Hulk called up Doctor Strange who is not a real doctor but a magical doctor and he helped Hulk make sure his tummy felt better by using his "Eye Of Agamotto" that glows real funny and he said that Hulk shouldn't overindulge with sweet, sweet candy. Thank you Doctor Strange! That stupid "Medical Board" may have taken away your license to do medicine for real, but you do OK by Hulk!

Hulk wants to know who the other Hulk in the apartment thinks he is! He lives in the Bathroom and in the hallway as far as Hulk can tell! When Hulk brushes teeth, there is the other Hulk brushing his teeth! When Hulk comes back from Bodega to get Red Bull Superdrink, other Hulk has Red Bull Superdrink! One time Hulk was combing his hair real nice so he could go to shopping mall and get PlayStation Portable and the other Hulk was doing the same thing!

Friday, April 01, 2005

Where am I? Oh, god. Not again! How long have I been changed thistime? Has it been a week? Two? Let me find the calendar...findout...why am I typing this? Why was this open? What's "blogger?"How many Red Bull Cans can he need?

I've just looked at the calendar.

It's been two years since I changed! I have to make somecalls, talk to some people! Tony Stark, yeah, and Hank Pym...whoelse? Who else?

Crap, that's a lot of Hostess Twinkies wrappers sitting in the corner.Are there even clothes that will fit me in that corner of the room?What the hell is this Bachman Turner Overdrive CD doing taped onto theTV antenna with a post-it note saying "SKRULL DETECKSHUN DEVICE" attached? What is wrong with him?

What has he been doing?

This is going to take months to clean up. At least he didn't leaveany old pizza boxes under the...oh. They're under the sink now.Great! Just great.

Monday, March 28, 2005

OK STUPID THOR WITH HIS GIRLY HAIR, HULK GETS THE POINT!!

Yes, you can make stupid rain. Hulk can fight your rain. There may be a million drops in the rain, but Hulk is mad and the madder Hulk gets, the strong Hulk gets! Hulk is not sorry he said that the "RAINBOW BRIDGE TO ASGARD" looks a little like the flags he sees on Christopher Street!

If punching doesn't stop the rain, you can still bring rain all you want! It saves Hulk from having to shower! Hulk will take his Irish Spring Soap and bathe on the sidewalk in his swim trunks to prove that you can't bother Hulk! Hulk will not shower naked because he doesn't want to show his Charlie Browns to people because that is not polite unless they are doctors and then you should only do it in their office!

Saturday, March 19, 2005

OH BOY IS HULK MAD AT PEOPLE WHO MAKE STUPID "MARVEL" COMICS ABOUT HULK. They told Hulk and Dr Strange who is Hulk's neighbor in the Village and Shiny Surfer guy who makes a lot of speeches and stupid Sub-Mariner guy who smiles like the stinky East River that they were going to make a comic book about them and call it "The Defenders" and it would be about helping make sure that new York City was safe. NOW LOOK AT THE PICTURE THEY CHOSE FOR THIS COVER. Stupid puny human comic book drawing person "KEVIN MAGUIRE" drew Hulk "Digging For Green Gold" and that is gross and Hulk wants to tell little children that they should not do it! Hulk maybe had a fly go up his nose or something during the stupid photo shoot so he could DRAW FROM A PICTURE BECAUSE HE CAN NOT DRAW WITHOUT TRACING IT. That fly was probably a trap from The Leader or The Skrulls or a robot or something that stupid Ben Grimm computer programmed with "Mister Fantastic" to annoy Hulk because he is mad that Hulk got his sandwich card punched first and got the free meatball sub before stupid Ben Grimm!

PS> Hulk gets a little money for "likeness rights" if you buy this comic book and like it so buy it if you think you might like it, because Hulk would like a little more money, Hulk tells you what. All that orange slices candy is not paying for itself!

PSS> Hulk also wants to note that during photoshoot, Hulk was wearing a t-shirt that said "Keep On Trucking" but they drew Hulk without it and Hulk wants you to Keep On Trucking! Stupid Shiny Surfer was also wearing a pair of swimming trunks. Only stupid Namor was walking around with no clothes on like a hippie!

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

OK YES STUPID RHINO, HULK KNOWS THAT YOU HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH HIM BUT HULK IS REALLY GETTING TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT IT WHEN YOU ARE DOING YOUR "COMMUNITY SERVICE" CLEANING UP DOG POOP IN THE PARK NEAR HULK'S APARTMENT.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

OK, so Hulk looks at all of his Bachman Turner Overdrive, ELO, and Chicago CDs and thinks Hulk will get rid of them because they are taking up a lot of space and Hulk never listens to them anymore now that Hulk has the new CD from Kenny Loggins (who needs to make another song as good as "Footloose," Hulk tells you what!)

Anyway, Hulk goes to local record store in Village part of New York where Hulk lives and guess who Hulk sees? Hulk sees Dr. Strange! Dr Strange, if you did not know, is a magician and has a funny cape and a goatee! Anyway, this is what happened!

"Hey, Dr. Strange!" Hulk said to Dr. Strange.

"By the hoary hosts of Hoggarth, is that the Hulk my mystic eye sees?" Dr Strange talks funny! He also had an album called Swinging Jazz For Frisky Singles, but Hulk doesn't like jazz music because it is all clicks and whistles to Hulk.

So Hulk and Dr Strange talked for a while - Hulk got an invitation to come over and help smash some demons, which is a nice thing for Hulk to do for Dr Strange so he will do that. Then, Hulk took his CDs to the person who buys CDs and got $30 for the 70 discs Hulk handed over. The girl behind the counter (who had a lot of metal in her face - Hulk hopes Magneto doesn't come in and sell his classical music HA HA HA!) said I kept them in bad condition so they couldn't give me a lot of money.

That's OK. Hulk bought a copy of Gleaming The Cube on DVD and he's watched it five times and it is awesome and you should see it!

Monday, January 31, 2005

Hulk gets an email on the internet computer from a TV producer who wants to make a series about Hulk like stupid "Real World" and "Surreal Life" shows. He would have camera people follow Hulk around and show Hulk doing stuff like walking the neighbor's dog and smashing stupid Sandman (YES, I KNOW YOU READ THIS, SANDMAN! WHEN YOU ROB YOUR NEXT BANK, STUPID SPIDER-BUG-MAN WON'T BE ABLE TO STOP ME!) but when Hulk talked to Cousin Jennifer (She is a lawyer AND She-Hulk! She is busy!) about it, she told Hulk that after expenses and all that stupid stuff, Hulk would have enough money to get Twinkies from Mr Ruiz at Bodega and maybe a can of soda.

So, Hulk still has a few more months with check Avengers gave Hulk to find job, but he is smart and will go to temporary agencies today to find out of they have any work where HULK COULD SMASH STUFF and drink Red Bull Super Drink.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

WHY IS IT THAT BECAUSE HULK IS STRONG PEOPLE THINK HULK WILL SHOVEL SNOW FOR FREE?

You give Hulk $10 and he will do your steps and your sidewalk. It is not expensive and Hulk does a good job! He does a lot better job than those stupid kids like Tommy McGill! Tommy doesn't sweep after his job, he just leaves all those little bits there! HULK SWEEPS!

Monday, January 10, 2005

HULK SEES A LOT OF BUSINESSES IN VILLAGE PART OF NEW YORK WHERE HULK LIVES WITH STICKERS LIKE THIS. This means that Hulk can NOT go into business and get "service." HULK DOES NOT WANT SERVICE, HULK WANTS A SLICE OF PIZZA!!!

The picture is not the stickers that have Hulk on them, though! It is a stupid puny human comic book cover! Did you know they could make comic books about Hulk without asking Hulk? Hulk doesn't get any money from these! It is because Hulk is a "public figure" like Abraham Lincoln or Charro! Hulk could use the money from the comic books to buy a kitten-cat or maybe some more cereal - CAP'N CRUNCH, HULK IS REPORTING FOR DUTY, SIR!

Saturday, January 01, 2005

HULK MISSED OUT ON NEW YEAR'S PARTY AT TIMES SQUARE WITH REGIS WHO IS NOT DICK CLARK!!

Hulk was busy fighting Absorbing Man out on the docks to head to big party and let Hulk tell you, when Absorbing Man absorbs the East River, it's hard to fight Absorbing Man and keep Burger King lunch down.

Hulk's Resolutions For 2005:1. Smash bad people more.2. Get a kitten and TAKE GOOD CARE OF IT. Hulk wants a cute kitten like this kitten:3. Work on stupid model boat Spider-Man got Hulk and have it ready to sail in big race in Central Park.4. Smash Iron Man when Iron Man least expects it.

About Me

Give Hulk $2 so Hulk can buy a Red Bull Superdrink and smash bad guys!Thank you for the nice picture where I was hitting stupid Spider-Man, Gary!

Puny human Kevin helps Hulk do diary sometimes. Kevin said Hulk had to put that there or he'd take away Hulk's Game Boy! He writes comic books sometimes and they are pretty OK even if they are stupid and not funny!

This many people PLUS ANOTHER MILLION THIS CAN'T ROLL OVER WHY ARE THEY STUPID LIKE THIS? have visited Hulk's diary!!