Press speculation on the apparent rift between the President and the Attorney General ran wild for weeks until it was revealed that Ashcroft had committed the unpardonable sin of eating the last pretzel at lunch.

AP Breaking...Attorney General Ashcroft grimaces as he realizes that President bush has just started to ponder the political ramifications of Ashcroft's reference to Kerry and Edwards as two of Hillary's Johns.

Suddenly it was all so clear. As the President glanced at his attorney general, only the slightest glare in his eyes betrayed the fact he'd figured out who was leaking the "dump Cheney" conspiracy details to Justene Adamec of CalBlog. Ashcroft, meanwhile, stood there wondering why he suddenly felt as though someone had just walked over his grave.

Having just heard the unmistakable sound of liquid dripping on leather, the President glances at the only other person in the White House men's room and thinks, "He keeps sayin' it's an accident, but it happens every damn time. Guess I'm gonna have to sic Condi on him."