Saturday, June 29, 2013

The Transition: Abraham's Struggle's Are Mine

4 years ago, if you asked me where I would be today, I never would have guessed that I would be here: indefinite plans for tomorrow and no guess for the day after that.

In the past, when I ran into college seniors who said that they didn't know what they were doing after college, I was shocked and thought of them as “ill-prepared."

I ALWAYS thought that I would jump right into graduate school and begin a PhD program straight away. Boy, was I wrong!
Here I am working at the school that I almost despised. Living in an environment that I don’t enjoy. And finally realizing that I may have just been experiencing signs of depression these past 4 years here.

I always hear the praise song “Abraham’s Blessings are Mine." No one ever sings or proclaims about the struggles that Abraham experienced before his blessing. At this time, I definitely feel as though I am experiencing “the struggle." I've been praying for a huge breakthrough, and patiently awaiting and answer or miracle.

I’m beginning to wonder if it is my own foolishness that has caused me to remain in this physical space for so long. Upon being rejected from 2 graduate schools, not getting an interview at some of the places I applied, I wound up back in the space I started, and disliked so much. I NEVER thought that I would be working at this school.

The transition from college into the "real world" has been a rough and trying experience so far (granted only 2 months have passed). It's not necessarily that I am comparing myself to my peers, but I am comparing my present situation to goals I set for myself in the past. And that can be self-depleting in itself.

Let me pause and say that I am grateful for the job I have! It’s teaching me various skills that I can translate into any workplace. In all of this, I am becoming more and more dependent on God and leaning on Him for his GRACE and MERCY! I am praying that God lights the path of which I should walk, and directs me toward my goals and aspirations. Whether this blessing comes from a new, full time job that I can use my major with, or admission to a graduate school, I am open-minded!

I just pray that I can soon sing out,

“Abraham’s blessings are mine! I am blessed in the morning, afternoon and evening, Abraham's blessings are mine!