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Wednesday, 9 October 2013

A night of London that was awesome: Part two

As promised, albeit a day late. Here is part 2 of my awesome Friday night in London. This part I shall call:

One-And-Only-Daniela and I try our hand at spontaneity.

Okay, so we leave the darkness of Dans Le Noir to finally set eyes on the couple we had been chatting to all night. Dominique was a tall blonde woman and David a Chinese man. We hugged each other and apparently "The Rack and The Bum" lived up to expectations. Something I was oddly proud of. Dominique and David announced that they were going to Leceister Square to have a drink and asked if we wanted to go. Naturally, not wanting to pass up on a chance to drink, both One-And-Only-Daniela and I agreed whole heartedly and followed them out of the restaurant.

Walking towards the station Dominique pointed at the sleeve of my cream top with glee and exclaimed, "Ha! You spilt something! Ha, no one else did!"

I looked and saw several splotches of red wine all down my sleeve. The same sleeve that had been closest to Dominique.

"Um, I hate to break it to you." I replied. "But you were the only one drinking red wine in there."

Dominique's face changed from one of glee to dismay. "I did that? I'm so sorry! It was all that stupid and redundant gesturing I was doing! Who gestures in the dark? What's the point?"

I laughed at that. "No worries. I'll just buy some white wine and sprinkle it on the same spots. That'll even it out."

"Are you sure? We could buy some Vanish?"

The thought of carrying around a bottle of Vanish on a night out seemed a little odd to me, the white wine option seemed a lot more feasible. Of course.

Anywho, we made it to the underground station and got on a train with the single most amazing drunken man ever. He stood facing the door for the whole of the train journey, a tape player Walkman in his hand. I didn't even know they existed anymore, let alone be used by people. Immediately I loved him, due to the fact that anyone who is that retro deserves my respect and unconditional love. However, this wasn't even the best thing about him. You see, he was clearly listening to a Queen album. How did we know this, I hear you ask? It may have had something to do with him proceeding to serenade the entire carriage with Bohemian Rhapsody, together with every harmony and guitar solo. Every one of us in the carriage couldn't help but join in. Seriously, I felt like we were actually living in some form of Musical episode of my life, where spontaneous singing was the norm. We all also applauded his act, once finished, and was rewarded with an encore of We Will Rock You. Naturally we all clapped along and, sadly our little group of 4 had to leave him mid song as we reached our stop.

Being a woman who has an unnatural obsession with all men ginger, One-And-Only-Daniela (along with pretty much every single one of my friends) has developed a habit of pointing out all ginger men to me when she spots them. An aspect that I love about her and my friends.

One-And-Only-Daniela pointed one beautiful specimen to me and, after baffled looks were exchanged between Dominique and David, I explained to them my obsession. Dominique immediately started in on telling me about a beautiful ginger man both David and Dominique work with. They work as personal trainers at a gym and he was another personal trainer there.

When we arrived at Leceister Square, we immediately saw a pub called "The Brewery Masters." I gazed in wonder.

"What are the chances of that?" I said. "We need to drink and we happen to find a pub that not only sells drinks but are the masters of it!!"

"It must be fate." David added.

We went in, ordered our drinks and Dominique immediately started back in on pimping out her ginger friend. Guys, she really went all out. Not only did she go to his Facebook page to show me pictures, but she also took my number and text me a selection of the best of them. Naturally, I was impressed and proceeded, after minimal encouragement from the group, to save these pictures as my screensaver... Now, not wanting to come across as a weird stalker without his knowledge, we all agreed that it would only be polite to let said ginger man know what we had done. As such, David took a picture of Dominique holding her phone up mid-sending of photo and myself holding up my phone showing my background image, thumbs up and a look of pure glee on my face.

David then sent this photo to said ginger man, thus allowing us all to feel a little better, now that we had admitted our stalker behaviour. Apparently said ginger man found this all very funny, so I narrowly avoided being subject to any type of restraining order. Guys, this just proves that, once again, honesty is the best policy.

We all then decided to catch the midnight showing at The Comedy Store, one of the best comedy clubs London has to offer.

One-And-Only-Daniela and I regularly go to this place. It's always a chance to laugh until we pee, and who doesn't love a chance to do that? However, in the past, One-And-Only-Daniela has always insisted on sitting on any row other than the front, as these tend to be the seats that the comedians at said club will pick on. I, on the other hand, being the natural attention seeking person that I am, have been dying to sit in these seats. Thankfully, Dominique announced that these were the seats that she was heading towards and finally One-And-Only-Daniela caved. Not only did we sit on the front row, but we sat right in front of the Mic. Awesome.

As promised, we were subsequently picked on by the array of comedians all night. David seemed to get the brunt of the picking as, for some reason, talking about the Chinese race was something on all of the comedians repetoire.

This started with the first comedian putting on a Chinese accent, noticing David and suddenly looking horrified.

"You don't mind, do you?" He asked. "I don't want to offend you, you know. Are you offended?"

David feigned complete innocence. "What do you mean?" He asked.

"He's asking if you're offended because you are yellow." Dominique clarified, kissing him on the cheek.

The room all looked at her in dismay; laughing in that way that suggested they really shouldn't be. However, the three of us who had spent the night with him and had heard him refer to himself as yellow at least five times, just laughed.

David then gave a look as if the penny dropped. "Oh! In that case, sure. No problem. I'm not offended."

The comedian then carried on. "Can I ask, whereabouts are you from?" He asked David, clearly wanting to know what country he originated from.

"Hounslow." Both David and Dominique said together.

It was at this point, I turned to One-And-Only-Daniela and simply said. "These are two of the most amazing people I've ever met."

This was met with a look of complete agreement from One-And-Only-Daniela.

The night continued and I was even hit on by an Irish comedian which was pretty cool. Then something happened that has officially been put into one of my proudest moments of my life. The penultimate comedian came on and was hella funny, although a little close to the mark with some of his jokes. Now, when this happens, and I find myself laughing at black humour that also leaves me questioning why I find it funny, I have a jerk reaction every time. Basically, I laugh, whilst simultaneously covering my face and burying my head in the shoulder of the person closest to me.

This is what I was doing for the majority of this man's act. Of course, he picks up on this and singles me out.

"You've been covering your mouth a lot during my act," he said. "Do I disgust you so much? I mean seriously, is what I'm saying having such an effect that you feel the need to vomit? Am I that bad?"

He then proceeded to wait for my response. When I realised that I was going to have to answer his question, I sat there, my face dead pan, looked him straight in the eye and in my most serious voice, answered; "you are very funny."

He gave me a look as if to say 'touché' and started to laugh. Not only that, but the rest of the club laughed too. Okay, now guys, I appreciate that I do tend to cause one or two people to laugh... Usually at me, rather than anything else, but right then? In that moment? It appeared I had attempted to make a funny and people liked it. I had also caused a professional comedian to fall silent at my words, as he struggled for his comeback...

I didn't quite know what to do with myself. Panic suddenly rose deep within me, what should I do now? What if I'm expected to say more? What if I ruin it by openly doing the jumping jacks my insides were doing in glee? That wasn't what comedians did, they made funnies and then followed it up with the calm, cool and collected attitude that says "Yes I'm that cool, I know it, you know it. Just another day for me in my awesome life."

Thing is, even in my recalling it now, it doesn't even seem that funny and totally falls in the "You had to be there" column but guys, I near off had a panic attack from the sudden fictional pressure I had formulated in my mind.

And this is why I will never be a comedian. Even if I manage to come up with a few jokes that have people laughing, I don't think I'd survive the fallout. I'd get to my third joke and collapse to my death from the pressure of it.

I don't know if One-And-Only-Daniela and I will ever see Dominique and David again. It was a fleeting romance... Four ships who met in the night, you might say. But all I know is they are both definitely two of the most awesome people I have ever met... After you guys, of course.