A Children’s Treasury Of Polite, Intelligent Threaded Comments On Change.gov

We read somewhere, here, that Obama’s transition website, Change.gov, was getting pretty Internettish these days. This is Obama’s thing, he does it all the time: using standard Internet crap — stuff that other politicians somehow haven’t discovered — to help his readers connect and engage one another on the issues important to them (and possibly sometimes donate $$$$…) (and also maybe plan to fuck in a motel.) This is all to say that Change.gov suddenly looks a lot like Fark or Digg — long comment threads where you can “tell Obama” your thoughts and respond to each other and even rate each other’s comments. So we headed over there to witness the hilarity one sees on every Internet comment board in the world. But as with all things “Obama,” the discussion is well-written, informed, polite… it is terrifying. This is not the Real American Internet.

The current top thread has the transition team asking, “How is the current economic crisis affecting you?” All kinds of territory for commenters on this one, right? Maybe a little “Itz affecting me w/ itz cock,” or how about your favorite, “moar assfucking plz,” or even the old standby, “RON PAUL 2008.”

What we found on this thread instead… it is not for the weak of stomach:

Commenter “Charles Vanderbilt” — that’s probably his REAL NAME for Christ’s sake: “In regard to a down payment for a home, there used to be a “Rent With Option To Buy” available for people who didn’t have the full down payment. Why couldn’t this be offered today? If a homeowner faces foreclosure or eviction, he could get a new contract. The new purchase price could be the original price, adjusted to the amount of rent paid. This would get the housing money flowing in the right direction and not overwhelm the homeowner. The amount of rent would be comparable to the original payment to the mortgage. Any discussion on this?”

Commenter “Matthew_Johnson” — again with the real name, and a boring one at that: “It should be considered a great privilege to be a publicly traded company in our society and one that comes with great responsibility. It should not be considered a corporate “right” to be public if they abide by a few accounting rules. It is not unreasonable for we as citizens to expect more from our corporations including balancing of interests as opposed to maximizing short-term profit at all costs. It is also not unreasonable to expect the corporation to know their ‘place’ in our society and economy and to expect that the corporation not demand equal rights with the individuals they exist to serve. Their rights should be subordinated to and defined by the rights of the individuals they affect. I look forward to a great discussion about these ideas and sincerely hope the administration will consider implementing some of them in one form or another.” Uhh… uhh… GO AWAY TROLL…??

Oooh, the evilly named “drfaust” is responding to “Matthew_Johnson” — this might be the downward spiral in quality and grammar we were looking for! Maybe “drfaust” will post a LOLcat of a Lego giraffe fucking a steampunk turtle or something: “Respectfully, however, I believe your call for corporate democracy will be immensely difficult for the Obama administration to achieve within the bounds of law. While we can certainly call for public responsibility by corporations, it will be the consumers and the shareholders, not the government, that inevitably decides whether or not a corporation should profit at the expense of stakeholders such as workers. Like in government, democracy in a corporation tends to be limited to those who elect the corporation’s leaders – the shareholders – rather than to all people who contribute to the government’s well being, and this is unlikely to change.”

Johnson and drfaust, along with a few other latecomers, ultimately reach a balanced consensus about reconciling — but not overly restricting — the role of the corporation with the individual’s interest, and the thread ends on a cordial note.

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

what? no long threads regarding obama’s “birth” certificate on change.gov? what a joke! those bozos are taking all the fun out of anonymous posting.

AWOcoholic

I read through an entire thread. It was stupid full of correct grammer and spelling and good ideas and nobody CAP LOCKED. HOW FUCKING GAY IS THAT?

2druk2phluq

No “me love you long time” comments. Nothing about teh buttsecks. Not even a big sale on truck nutz. It is time for a run on the gun show. With the power of AK47 and Wild Turkey, true ‘Mericans will rise up and cast off the chains of the Deemocrites.

metropolitan

i’m going to go in there and make sure every topic has a “i’d hit that!” comment.

Gorillionaire

[re=191305]Perot le fou[/re]: Everybody knows what’s going on in the world, but I don’t even know what’s going on in myself.

Crab1

Those are not real people from AMERICA. They are clearly ivy league elitests with fancy words and a disgusting respect for opposing ideas to be presented and discussed on their merits before deciding which is worthy of support. Get the fuck out of my coutry YOU BABY KILLERS!!!

WagTehGod

Yes, but we can KICK THEIR ASS at EcoDriving.

Sire Says

Trust me, these aren’t real commenters. They are auto-programmed comment bots that simply string words together from previous Obama speeches. This way, everyone who reads the site will be forced to conclude that all Americans are “dignified.”

4tehlulz

I always hoped that the Internet could be used for pointless insults, pornography, and piracy, but it has degraded into meaningful and productive discussion. Humanity truly is doomed.

nurple

Have they had a posting from Mr. Snrub yet?

Deepthroat

someone send Shorts there pronto

FreshCliches

[re=191320]metropolitan[/re]: Great, now I’ll have to console myself with “First!!!!”.

shortsshortsshorts

“RESSECTULLY, HOWVER, I BELIEVE YUR CAL FUR CORPRATE DEMONOCRACY WILL B IMESELY DIFFCULT FUR THE NOOOBAMA ADMINISTRATION TOO ACHIEVE WITH IN THE BOUNDS OF LAW. WHILE WE CAN CERTAINLY CALL FOR PUBLIC RESPONSIBILITY BY CORPORATIONS, IT WILL BE THE CONSUMERS AND THE SHAREHOLDERS, NOT THE GOVMENT, THAT INEVITABLY DECIDES WHETHER R NOT AH CORPORATION SHUUD PROFIT AT TEH EXPENSE OV STEAKHOLDERS SUCH AS WURKERS.”

/Fixed.

You’ve been Paultarded, Barry.

FreshCliches

[re=191330]4tehlulz[/re]: …as well as for gratuitous alliteration. Also.

Serolf Divad

OMFG, there are 581 comments JUST LIKE THESE!!!! How can a community post five friggin’ hundred eighty ass-wiping one comments and not once mention buttsecks!?!?!?

They are not human, I tell you. NOT HUMAN!

Borat

Those names are so fake. That’s just Barry & Michelle’s dinner conversation, transcribed. And to be really silly they had Sasha practice as Drfaust.

Never trust anyone who can use proper spelling and grammar in the comments. They are probably a robot or baby jesus or something

Mustang

We should say “Respectfully” on Wonkette, like these guys do. They have a classy site. Respectfully, I deem truck nutz to be a fine form of self expression for the common man.
Here Here.

heroinmule

Why are those dudes talking like fags?

quoth teh Raven

[re=191305]Perot le fou[/re]: Wow. A The The reference! I used to love those guys.

Gopherit

If that site doesn’t have a Truck Nutz! Thread in the next hour, I am disowning ALL OF YOU!

nurple

You find much better comments on SameOldShit.gov

shortsshortsshorts

[re=191332]Deepthroat[/re]: For some damned reason I fear going over there and causing a scene… as if the voices are telling me it’s a bad idea or something.

charlesdegoal

Hints of repressive tolerance all over again. Say what’s on your mind, then go fuck yourself. “The corporations” will continue to rip us off no matter what. They’re not in it for any other purpose. Nationalize the lot, I say.

obfuscator

Those comments are bullshit! If I wanted to read a reasoned and civil debate where both sides are more interested in solving problems than scoring points, I’d go read… uh… um… shit, I got nothing.

freakishlystrong

Assfucking
Respectfully,

Freakishlystrong

nmmagayar

[re=191345]heroinmule[/re]: fags don’t talk like that – I didn’t see a sing “FABULOUS” or any references to St. Judy Garland of the Pills (or Buttsecks)

Gopherit

Is there anything Hopey can’t do? Those comments might be able to cure cancer. They sure as fuck cure insomnia.

I must truthfully admit that the President-Elect has indeed established an admirable forum in which one way substantially debate the pressing issues of our day. Notwithstanding the occasional misspelling of Salaheddine Bahaaeddin’s name or incorrectly citing the Department of Housing & Urban Development’s budget allocation for the Multifamily Housing Service Coordinator Program, I am quite impressed with the lucidity of thought and respectfulness of tone to be found on this particular website. Although many of my fellow citizens disagreed with my assertion that Mr. Obama should increase the size of the Defense Department by 17%, I welcomed the opportunity to discuss with them the feasibility of maintaining proper national security protocols while utilizing an antiquated budget projection.

(effect wears off)

u no wat else increased by 17% ………..MY COCK. lolz

Dramatist

It should be noted that my real name is Matthew Johnson. (Not kidding. Real name. Identity theft!) It is not boring and has a proud tradition. Matt Johnson wrote the Ice Cube classic “Torque”. Another Matt Johnson was the lead singer of The The.

ToeCramps

Why do intelligent, aticulate, grammer heads love Hopey? They be lovin him all up and thru his Changey website! If you need an incoherent, meth rant check out Palinbuttplugs.com!

WadISay

Being a commenter over there must be like being a BBC broadcaster in 1930s: you had to wear a tux.

TGY

Kids these days.

DustBowlBlues

Why don’t the cyberlords at change.gov just put up a big banner that says, Wonkerrati not welcome to comment?

Botswana Meat Commission FC

RONPAULFORUMS.COM FOREVER BITCHEZ!!!1!111

Anyone remember that blessed few weeks of the Paultard invasion, then Paultard blimp blitzkrieg? Gawd that was fun times.

Come here a minute

[re=191305]Perot le fou[/re]: This is the day
your life will surely change.
This is the day
to eat some M & M’s.

Dear Diorama

Oh man, you guys. I’m a writing tutor and the comments there are better written than the several hundred essays I’ve read this semester. While I found an occasional comma splice and split infinitive, the only thing I would cite for possible correction on the Change boards is usage of the word “that,” but this is really pushing it.

shortsshortsshorts

[re=191400]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: Times have changes… times have certainly changed.

finland

TRUCK NUTZ 2012!!!

elcapitan

[re=191309]lampadadog[/re]: Vetting process? You mean writing a check to David Plouffe?

Sussemilch

Interesting thought.

If corporations have rights as an individual, then why is the Government bailing out only some individuals?

Gopherit

Whoever posted the brief truck nutz comment over there? Bless you.

NoWireHangers

The Barack Obama campaign website was civil and well spoken too. I’m surprised it isn’t spammed by wingnuts more often, but the technology may be too sophisticated for their AOL broswers to handle.

Pop Socket

What an out of touch Muzlim Socialist that Barack HUSSEIN Osama is. He needs to become aware of all internet traditions. Such as flame wars, and lolcatz, and pr0n. Especially pr0n.

Dear Diorama

Ah-ha! User “kneary” writes:

“I agree Eric.”

It’s falling apart over there.

charlesdegoal

[re=191407]Dear Diorama[/re]: Oh yeah? How about “It is not unreasonable for we as citizens”? Call that good writing?

problemwithcaring

[re=191415]finland[/re]: Thank you – if ever a website needed a Wonkette TruckNutz blitz, it’s this one. Rational dialogue on teh internetz should not be tolerated.

Kev-O-Tron

It’s just oddly rational and calm. I can’t take it. I like my blogs to have the inanity of Malkin’s cave or redstate or Jesus at least as stupid as Kos! But this? “respectfully”?!? I just shat my jammies “respectfully”. ugh…

Gimme something to work with here people.

Undeterredbyreality

Okay–this “correct grammar” bullshit is driving me crazy. Matthew Johnson says “It is not unreasonable for we as citizens…”–US! US! It is not unreasonable for US (whether as citizens or as buttsecks aficianados) …”, and drfaust says, “it will be the consumers and the shareholders, not the government, that inevitably decides whether” AAAGGGHHH!!! consumers and shareholders DECIDE, they don’t “decides”!!!!! These are a bunch of pretentious fucks who want jobs, alright, but they don’t write worth a shit! They are TRYING to write fancy, but don’t really know how to do it ’cause it’s not natural to them!

I should get the job, dammit!

american mutt

I look forward to Palin’s website in 2012. it’ll be on her geo-cities account.

shortsshortsshorts

OOOKAAY hate to do it to Barry, but Snark is far too important. Who’s coming with me?

Kev-O-Tron

[re=191441]Undeterredbyreality[/re]: some of us went to public skools and half-rate liberal arts colleges okay? My interoffice memos read like I’ve gone off the ritalin.

bhosp

[re=191335]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: You sir, are an American Hero. GOD BLESS YOU SHORTS CUBED!!

anabellum

i was working on a faux-literary comment for this post involving quotes from Jane Austen’s Sense and Sensibility…but then i became concerned that i might accidently set my beer can on the mouse and post the silly thing…

back to more important subjects…like the eco-car game..

Remember that once you enter the Treasury Tomb it’s best to stick close to the wall of gold….and that ramming either of the heavily armed Bank-Bots only increases the size of your bank loan….so let the Bots fight it out themselves [stay away from the Slashing Knives] but be sure to gather any spilled Bot-Blood in your Grease Tank…its good for double mileage in the eco-car and will suffice as food in case the starvation meter gets too low…

JadedDIssonance

[re=191444]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Once more into the breach, my friends.

Tra

[re=191444]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Can’t do it. It … it’s so beautiful …

Gopherit

[re=191463]JadedDIssonance[/re]: sadly, they just rolled by his post supporting Ron Paul for King like so much roadkill on the information superhighway. I weep for change.

tunamelt

[re=191444]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Respectfully, I think you are an idiot.

Gopherit

[re=191477]tunamelt[/re]: at least you’re respectful about it.

JadedDIssonance

[re=191470]Gopherit[/re]: Looks like the Charge of the Snark Brigade just ran off a cliff.

Gopherit

[re=191492]JadedDIssonance[/re]: Not though shorts had known, someone had blundered.

I think.

shortsshortsshorts

[re=191492]JadedDIssonance[/re]: Pretty much a hopeless endeavor. Destroyed before organized. I miss the 200 campaign, when there was still net neutrality and all that.

WIDTAP

People! People! Please let these gentle souls be in peace. After all, how much softer would the Wonkette ban hammer be if Jim and Ken would only follow this lead:

“As someone who is about to give you a “thumbs down” rating, I wanted to explain why. First, you used all caps, which I consider to be rude in this kind of forum. You also didn’t address the question, or put forth any ideas for discussion.

I don’t think this site is meant as a place for all of us to yell at the transition. You’d be better off posting about how these times make a Fair Tax a good idea. Thanks!”

[re=191354]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: It’s not the voices. It’s the NSA talking through the chip in your head.

Czn939

“Ai kan haz change now?”

sux2bu

I weep for the future!

jagorev

These “discussions” are by far the most unAmerican thing that Barry Hussein Obama has ever done.

Pizzuti

Oh that is just no fun at all.

JadedDIssonance

[re=191498]WIDTAP[/re]: Consider and contrast how difficult it is to perturb these kind souls. Rebuildtheparty was far too easy, everyone was instantly suspicious and offended. These people are trying to TEACH LESSONS! How twisted is that? Educating a troll in a kind and respectful way?

Rational discourse in the wild!?! I thought you could only see that in a zoo these days.

dijetlo

The saddest part is after the apocalypse, we will probably be forced to eat them, at least those we don’t burn for warmth.
Unless they look like baby Jebus…in which case we will worship him.
Most will likely be eaten though.

metropolitan

i’m tired of this shit. i’m gong to rickroll them all.

Gopherit

[re=191557]metropolitan[/re]: they wont watch it metro. They are rational. Can you imagine that?

shortsshortsshorts

[re=191557]metropolitan[/re]: YES. YES YOU DO THAT.
Excellent.

Strongy O

The problem with “The The” is the name renders them unsearchable-for, and thus unstealable-from.

matt ropolitan:
Yesterday Nobel prize winner and New York Times columnist Paul Krugman was in the International Economic Security Foundation discussing the way an economy in depression works when Alan Greenspan (who had given a speech earlier in the day) stood up and stumped Krugman by questioning his rational for deficits. The ensuing debate between the two high profile economists is too long to transcribe but there are some golden bits in the unexpected exchange.
Excerpts from the discussion were posted on the foundation’s website here: http://tinyurl.com/2g9mqh

qwerty42

[re=191580]Barrett808[/re]: Here are some of the New ideas. I think we may be able to give qualified support to a few:
Make the American Hog Nosed Skunk the new GOP symbol
Consider the Nazi Party
We must turn to God like never before
be Dr. Ron Paul…
Get rid of rapacious capitalism!!

WABishop

[re=191335]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Sorry, you had the spelling and word choice right, but the punctuation was too correct to be credible. More like: “WHILE WE CAN CERTAINLY, CALL FOR PUBLIC RESPONSIBILITY BY CORPORATIONS IT WILL BE THE CONSUMERS; AND THE SHAREHOLDERS NOT THE GOVMENT THAT INEVITABLY….”

ladymacbeth

[re=191444]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: chaos is come again.

ladymacbeth

[re=191498]WIDTAP[/re]: david nava?

psychedelicSludge

This is how it begins. The robot grammarians are preparing their clear and consistent arguments for why they should be allowed to rule. -with the help of our human-elected leader Obama. The real reason you can’t find his birth certificate is he’s actually a robot himself.

psychedelicSludge

hmm, come to think of it, all this may just be proof that Obama isn’t Indonesian, but Canadian!

>>>
Two Canadians are talking in a bar. One Canadian says, “Who was that lady I saw you with last night?”
“That was my wife.” replies the other.

A lady is shopping in a Toronto drugstore and accidentally leaves the bottle of aspirins that she bought on the counter. She gets on a bus and the minute the bus has pulled away from the curb remembers leaving her purchase behind. “My aspirins! My aspirins!” she yells.
And the bus driver says, “Maybe you left them in the drugstore.”

A little Canadian boy named Johnny Fuckerfaster is screwing a little girl under the porch of his house. His mother comes out the door and yells for him, “Johnny! Johnny Fuckerfaster!”
“I’ll be there in a minute,” he says.
<<<http://www.tribalwar.com/forums/archive/t-506860.html

The real key here is not the POSTERS, my snarky friends, it is the ADMINS, who (unlike some OTHER websites we’ve come to love) actually do their job and prevent so-called ‘derisive’ and ‘meaningless’ and ‘petty’ discourse. Damn them…damn them all to hell!

toastandlove

These aren’t real Americans posting on this site. Barry has cleverly outsourced (that’s all the rage now isn’t it?) the commenting duties to India or wherever, where they know how to cleverly fake knowledge of American infrastructure, American syntax, and American names to seem American.

What they have failed to realize, though, is that America is the nation that brought the world Truck Nutz.

So you don’t like all the dirty talk about commodities. Marx loved it. He never forgot that where there’s muck there’s class.

darbyogill

Matthew Johnson is my uncle and god-father! I love him!

Hans Xioaping

Oh my god.

How long until the comments are disabled?

3 days?

Hans the Diaper

I went there.

It’s horrible.

I love it.

dilhavarti

Hey I like the change.gov site as much as the next guy. But I can’t read it because I’m Quebecois (totally hard-core, so I only know French). Plus it’s not in Spanish either. TA-DAAA!!!!

ducandy

Huh?

recharged95

You know, all the people going to change.gov are people who donated a lot of money to the campaign and likely not up to date on how internet blogs and comment sites work.

Anyway, change.gov has one thing that promising: A countdown meter! Woohoo, 44 days til inauguration–i.e. PARTIEE!

I’m waiting for the flash app that shows the countdown clock. It’s like waiting for Gear of War 3.

Zadig

Just yesterday I learned the most terrifying thing of all about change.gov: it uses a Creative Commons license. It’s like Barack and those associated with him actually want to behave like decent human beings. That sounds great for running the country and all, but what will we snark about?

Uncommon Nonsense

Hi there. I wanted to say that I am completely humbled by the absolute magnificence of this thread.

WONKETTE FOR THE MOTHER. FUCKING. WIN.

I was laughing to the point of gasping for breath while reading these comments (which admittedly is more than can be said for the change.gov comments).

“But we all do that, every day, when we visit Wonkette,” you say.

Yeah, but . . . I WAS SOBER AT THE TIME.

That’s how you bitches know you’re funny.

Hats off to you cats. And pants off too, if you’re a cute enough female. (Don’t tell the wife. kthxbai.)

marion123

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