My blog this week is a shameless plug for my book with peeks into key pages (and my grand kids) through the video below.

I truly believe in my book! I think it will help dads understand their undeniable value to their children and also help them to meet the challenges of fatherhood - while giving their children every advantage they deserve.

Please share this video with any man you care for who is, or will soon be, a dad. And let them know that even though they may hold a "black belt" in fatherhood, there is always more to learn and share. There are no perfect fathers, but those that never stop trying will be the best!

Many years ago, when my three kids were old enough to understand but young enough to still be living at home, I gave this list, mounted in one of those cheap plastic frames, to each of them. It was a list of things we all want out of life but with a key thought to help achieve each of them.

I had never sat down and formally discussed these thoughts with them but, hopefully, their mother and I had demonstrated them as best we could. Nevertheless, I wanted a tangible reminder for them to refer to occasionally. I’m sure they thought I was a nerdy dad. But they knew I cared for their future.

Knowing you also care for your children’s future, or you wouldn’t be reading this, I would like to share the advice I gave to my children as they were approaching adulthood. Things they must do to get what all of us want.

Following this advice can help your children progress in each of these five aspects of success (Financial, Intellectual, Physical, Relational, and Spiritual)

If You Want ‘X’, You Must ‘Y’

If you want to Learn, you must listen.

If you want Growth, you must take risks.

If you want Responsibility, you must be responsible.

If you want Commitment, you must be involved.

If you want Achievement, you must have goals.

If you want Success, you must have persistence.

If you want Control, you must plan.

If you want Rewards, you must provide effort.

If you want to Be Liked, you must like yourself.

If you want Love, you must be patient.

If you want a Challenge, you must dare to improve.

Simply being told these lessons will not anchor them into your child’s state of being. These lessons must be taught through example—concrete evidence of their efficacy, repeated multiple times.

Being a Dad is not checking things off a list to be sure you’ve covered it all. Being a Dad is being a teacher, a mentor, and an auditor, always evaluating your children’s progress and life status. If you play these roles, the rewards will make it all more than worthwhile.

“The future belongs to the curious. The ones who are not afraid to try it, explore it, poke at it, question it, and turn it inside out.” – Anonymous

Do you ever get tired of your kids asking questions? It can be exasperating but be careful about shutting them down. Curiosity is a habit that can lead to success. Curiosity is a blessing and the magnet that brings knowledge into one’s life.

I’ve heard many a parent say, “Don’t ask so many questions” Or “Just listen to me” It’s understandable! It can be maddening when a child is not satisfied with the first answer. Sometimes, you don’t have the time or patience to go through an interrogation, but whenever possible, you should answer as best you can. Better yet, tell them it was a good question, one of the best compliments you can give to a kid!

Another wonderful result of answering and encouraging your kids’ questions is the conversation that can result. Communication with your kid can is always a good thing. The more conversation, the more curiosity is stimulated. But wait! More curiosity brings on more questions. Not what you may be looking for. Yes, but it stimulates a child’s brain and your child hears more words. So what does that mean? The more words your child hears, the faster he grows emotionally and intellectually as found in the study below.

From: “The Early Catastrophe: The 30 Million Word Gap by Age 3”

“…. children living in poverty hear fewer than a third of the words heard by children from higher-income families [and that fact] has significant implications in the long run. When extrapolated to the words heard by a child within the first four years of their life these results reveal a 30 million word difference. That is, a child from a high-income family will experience 30 million more words within the first four years of life than a child from a low-income family. This gap does nothing but grow as the years progress, ensuring slow growth for children who are economically disadvantaged and accelerated growth for those from more privileged backgrounds.Source

Not only do low income kids hear far fewer words, the words they do hear are often not encouraging, further putting them at a disadvantage.

Talking and reading to your kids provides the knowledge that sparks their curiosity. Their curiosity, in turn, buys more knowledge. For example, I was never interested in trigonometry before I took it in high school. It sounded difficult and I didn’t really know how important it really was. However, when I learned you can find the exact height of a tree or a building without using an enormous tape measure by using trigonometry, I was excited. I, therefore, became very curious about the power of math. The more knowledge you obtain the potential of finding other curiosities is expanded.

Another thing to consider is not making information gathering too easy for your older children. When I was in the sixth grade, I had an assignment to write a paper using multiple sources. I wrote an essay entitled ‘Test Pilots and Famous Planes” but found an easy way out. The entire paper was written from one book and the sources I used were from the bibliography of that book. While the book was in the school library, I took the chance that my teacher didn’t know about it. I got a good grade on the paper, using five sources too! But if I had actually read those five sources, I would have learned more about airplanes and it would have stayed with me longer.

Now we have the Internet!!! Talk about easy to find references! We all know the Internet is a boon to education - or a bust, depending on how it is used. To fill a square or to get quick info, the Internet is perfect – but your retention will be challenged and it may deter you from many a journey into potentially interesting areas. The theory ‘why remember facts when I can look them up’ denies that dates and names are just a small part of any subjest. If you know the story of the American Revolution, you can look up dates. But if you don’t know that story, the dates are meaningless!

There’s another issue regarding the Internet and curiosity, and it effects adults as much or more than children. It is the high likelihood of being sidetracked into rabbit holes of worthless knowledge, -celebrity news, games, gossip, etc. Yes, that’s curiosity too, but there is both curiosity for titillating information and curiosity for knowledge, knowledge that will improve one’s life. Observation and auditing is another area where parents must be involved! Regulate the use of the Internet to suit the needs and personalities of your children, allowing some fun but emphasizing its power in satisfying their curiosity about the world and its wonders.

Summary​Curiosity will allow your children to grow, to avoid boredom, to love learning, and to be a great candidate for success! Let your kids ask questions and answer them when you can! Help them find new interests. Encourage them to learn without taking too many shortcuts. If they have a natural curiosity, feed it. If they seem to not be curious, find something they are interested in and ask questions about the topic for which they may not know the answers. A curious kid is rarely bored and a curious kid with involved parents doesn’t go down as many rabbit holes.

Clear and unmistakable communication is important any endeavor, from ordering something online to flying airplanes, to life-saving operations. However, there are few lines of communication that are more important than those between you and your child.

Young children are our captive audience, for awhile. They will usually do their part to communicate and it’s up to parents to hear them. Outside of cleverly working to get what they want from you, young kids are very accepting of the lessons they are old enough to understand. As they get older and form their own opinions, it becomes more difficult to convince them that you are a trusted authority, but not as difficult as for those parents that did not develop an early, trusting relationship with them.

Often, a dad and his son, or daughter, will have different viewpoints on subjects from bedtime to the legalization of marijuana. A bullying dad will state clearly that his opinions are the only ones that matter and he will expect complete compliance. Often, this father is right and his child will comply, but the child may not be convinced because there was no discussion and his or her compliance may not be willful. These bullying dads often win the battles, but they rarely win the war. But if you can reason instead, you may win the battle and more importantly, the war too. To your child, being seen as worthy of your time and explanation of your views shows how much you care. Explaining your responsibilities, fears, and desires to keep them safe is a something they will understand, even if they don’t agree.

An example of reasoning

Let’s take the argument on the legalization of marijuana. As an authoritarian father, you will say something to the effect that “I know what’s best for you!” or “It’s illegal for a good reason and that’s that!”. But as a reasoning father you may say things like, “Why do you think it should be legal?” or “What do you think you would gain from it if it was legal?” I’m sure the answers would be interesting and insightful.

To follow up you could say something like.....“I’m not sure what I think about its legalization, but I know I want you to stay away from it for reasons outside of being illegal. I don’t want you to use it because I’m afraid of who you would be associating with to get it, when you would use it, and most importantly, why. And I really don’t know what the long-term impacts could be. Also, I would like to think peer pressure is not something you casually let affect you. Tell me who would not like you for not participating and why you would still respect them for not respecting your standards?”...

The tone is more important than the words themselves. The authoritarian dad is firm and unyielding - and yes, sometimes this approach is appropriate. The reasoning, authoritative dad is human and honest, wanting to be understood as much as anything. More times than not, this approach is more appropriate. It has staying power, not from fear, but from respect.

Older children are more apt to listen to guidance about topics they ask you about than the guidance you wish them to know. That is why it is so important to listen to them with your ears and eyes. You can tell by their actions when they have a question for you. That’s when they are most ready to receive, and hopefully accept, your advice. This takes great patience because you will want to help them with any issue right away. But until they are ready, your children (or anyone you mentor) will not hear you; or if they do seem to listen, your advice may not truly sink in.

How to tell when a message has sunk in

“Baron 51, this is Minneapolis Center, please climb and maintain flight level three-one-zero on a heading of zero-niner-zero degrees”

This is typical dialog I held with the controllers of the airways when I was flying in the U.S. Air Force. When you are in a crowded sky, it is vitally important that information is clearly presented and received. Air controllers want to know you heard their instructions and that you understand them completely. Pilots want to know they have someone watching over them down below.

In a family, the dad or mom are the air controllers and the kids are the pilots. For a message to be successfully transmitted it, must be delivered in a way that it can be received and understood. Oftentimes, we assume the message was delivered when it was not. This causes frustration for both involved. Our kids don’t always understand our language or get our innuendos. One technique is to have them “explain it back”. Have them tell you what you just told them and see if it’s the same thing. After a while, they will listen more intently just for self-defense. The repetition also reinforces the message to them because that is what repetition does. Like a mini-mantra, repeating a lesson or direction hammers the point in deeper and deeper.

Be on the same page!​Did you know that English is the official language of flying around the world? This is because there can be no doubts about the directions when flying from country to country. It’s essential that clear, understandable language also be used to communicate with your kids. Another lesson from flying. Did you know there is a clear and distinct hand-off when a pilot goes from one controlling agency to another? This is another best practice that can be used by both parents to be on the same page while co-parenting. Know your children. Make sure your children know you. And be on the same page with your co-parent. And FLY SAFE!

“How one handles success or failure is determined by their early childhood. “Harold Ramis

Being a parent is like being an investor. The more wisely you invest in early parenting, the better off you will be later. But just like saving money, not enough young parents are wise about parenting. How you raise your children in their early years will determine how easy or difficult it will be to work with them as they grow older. It will also determine their tendency to be successful in life. Here are two situations with which I am personally familiar.

Case 1: Liberal Parenting

I coached my son’s baseball team for 3 years. It was a rag-tag team of 10-12-year-old boys who wanted to play but couldn’t get on other teams. Some of the boys were there because their parents thought they should be, for the little-league experience. One boy was a real discipline problem for me. He wouldn’t listen to directions and he did as he pleased. One day we were in an indoor batting cage and he wouldn’t wait for his turn to bat. When he jumped in front of another boy, I told him to get out of there and wait his turn. He mouthed off and I told him to go sit down and stay out of the way. He continued to argue and I raised my voice. That was probably not the smartest thing to do, but I am not always perfect. The boy had no respect for me even though I was his manager with inherent authority in matters of being a team member.

As it turns out, his parents had come to pick him up and witnessed some of what had transpired. The father told me they never raised their voice to their son and did not appreciate that I had. I told the father that his son was not being cooperative and was being disruptive. His response was that they did not believe in putting limits on his spirit and creativity. I knew then that this discussion was a lost cause. I told the parents that they could do as they pleased with their son but he could not do as he pleased on this team. The boy did not return to the team and we were better for it.

When it came to his son, this father (and mother) decided not to use parental leverage, authority, or discipline. They believed in letting him find his own path. It’s my opinion that most kids don’t respond well to this treatment. Respect for limits must be learned just as much as an imaginative mind must be allowed to wander and wonder. I don’t think they are mutually exclusive. Certainly others, besides myself, were affected by this undisciplined and spoiled kid. But at least these parents had a philosophy in raising their son. Just a very liberal idea of parenting with which I personally disagreed.

How will the son react to rules as an adult? Will there be any empathy for others? Will his creativity be enhanced by this style of parenting? And if so, will his creativity be good for society or just him? Some of the most creative people on earth are white-collar criminals. Creativity is great, but it should not be destructive or a burden on others. There will be consequences due to their parental style. My money would be on the consequences being more negative than positive.

Case 2: The Enabling Parents

A young man in his mid-twenties delivers pizza for a living. One winter morning he awoke to his car covered with snow and ice. While most of us bundle up and trudge out to remove the snow and/or ice, he called his parents and asked that they have their insurance company get someone to clean off his car. When told he should clear off the car himself, he claimed he didn’t have a shovel. And when his mom said that his dad would bring him a shovel, he said he didn’t want to clean it. I’m not sure if he ever cleaned it off himself, but I doubt it.

Even though he is very intelligent, this young man delivers pizza is because he wasted years of college tuition not putting any effort into his education. He finally passed a technical course as an mechanic but he doesn’t want to do that work. He’d rather just drive around, deliver pizza and have his parents pay his bills. Undoubtedly, there is some degree of psychological problems with this son who should be much more responsible and independent of his parents. But the parents did him no favors by allowing this type of behavior in the past.

A few years later, this same young man was in legal trouble and true to form, his father got him a lawyer. The lawyer told him to write his version of the incident. But that was too much like work to the son and despite pleas from his parents, he refused to write it. Eventually, his father drafted the son’s version of the incident for him, as I’m sure he expected would happen. The parents could not allow themselves to see their son get the punishment he deserved. They knew he couldn’t handle it emotionally. He lived in a different world, a world devoid of personal responsibility. How they are dealing with their son and his issues is destroying them and not helping their son.

I don’t know when and how this behavior all started. I cannot say for sure that the parents were too permissive when he was younger. Generally speaking, however, when children are very young we help and coddle them and sometimes forget to allow them to struggle on their own as they grow older and mature. Situations like this one can get out of hand when we allow misbehavior to continue without correction. It is essential in a good parent-child relationship to have respect for each other and balance in your actions and reactions, especially through discipline and love. Usually, disciplining IS showing love! ​ How to reign in an out-of-control older child is not something about which I have many answers, nor do many other parents. It goes back to the caveat in my book, “The Power of Dadhood”, that successful parenting is more about prevention of behaviors, not correcting them later on. In other words, set standards and consequences early on and be consistent about them. If you do not, your battles will be beyond difficult and possibly tragic.

​One of the things I cherish from my childhood was complete ignorance of political opinions and discourse. Maybe the talk wasn’t as fervent, or I was naïve because nowadays it slams you from every direction! TV, radio, social media, casual conversation, billboards, yard signs -- opinions, facts, and propaganda! I had enough going on in my life as a kid. I didn’t need to be concerned about the budget, immigration, abortion and/or taxes. Neither do the younger children of today! They have kid things to worry about.

Young kids should be spared political rhetoric until they can maneuver successfully in their immediate world. They will have no legal voice in politics until they are eighteen years of age, so to allow indoctrination of either liberal or conservative political views before they are ten or twelve not only interferes with the joys and innocence of childhood, but takes advantage of a developing mind. Children have enough going on just learning to be social beings - when just a smirk from another child can ruin their day.

This thought hit me when a four-year-old asked me if I liked the president. I stumbled a bit, not knowing what to say and quickly changed the subject to how beautiful the fall leaves were. I was not going to talk politics to a four-year old even though my first thought was to say I like the president, simply because I didn’t want to associate ‘bad’ with the presidency. What can a small child know or understand about the President of the United States? There will be four Presidential elections before a four-year-old can vote and that candidate could currently be in college. Things will change quite a bit!

Of course, there are times when teaching your child the values in which you believe come very close to political viewpoints. I think it is fair and responsible for you to pass on your values with an explanation when age appropriate, an age which is determined by the parents. If you do not, your children will hear the values of others alone. Kids are very vulnerable to indoctrination as we all are. But kids have much less experience to counter either responsible or irresponsible indoctrination. As suggested by a psychotherapist below, indoctrination is instructing with a partisan point of view. As kids grow older, they are more capable of analyzing and contemplating.

“I certainly think it’s OK to share one's political views. I think that’s completely OK, but I think it’s also important to allow your children to have their own ideas about things,” says Dr. Robi Ludwig, a psychotherapist, the author of Your Best Age Is Now, and mother of two teenagers.

“Why would it be a goal to turn them into anything other than people who are socially conscious? To turn them … into a Republican or Democrat is a bit of, I don’t want to say it but, brain washing. It’s a form of indoctrinating, and I think it’s much better to say: ‘These are my ideas and this is why I believe in them. What are your thoughts? What are you hearing?’”

Summary​As I mentioned in the first paragraph, political views will be found and heard everywhere. But when they are very young, shouldn’t you protect them from the rhetoric as much as possible. It will cause tension in them even if they don’t understand what’s being said because of the tension and terseness in the voices they hear. And when they are older and ask questions, how many of us are brave enough or fair enough to let them hear alternative views or explain the reasoning for each argument?

It was a fortuitous day some three years ago. It was on that day that I walked into the office of Little Patriots Embraced (LPE) with my friend Sue to see if a book that I had just had published could be useful to them in meeting their goals. It was the last stop of about nine that day, going to various charities that had the betterment of children and families as part of their mission.

I had written a book on the importance of involved fathers and how to meet some of the challenges all men face as parents. The title of the book is “The Power of Dadhood”, in which I discuss both the obvious, and sometimes very subtle, powers that fathers have within their families; and which, if not understood, could have serious repercussions on the well-being of their children.

Our goal was to not to sell the book, but to sell the idea of the book as a tool to help in the various missions of these charities. We had left copies with all the charities we had visited. The only response came from Carol Watanabe, the founder and president of LPE.

The mission of Little Patriots Embraced is to enhance the lives of our Military Families in need while, and because, their loved one(s) are protecting our freedom. It was clear to Carol that military parents have a clear disadvantage over most parents, who are often not with their families due to frequent travel, training, and long deployments. Particularly at risk are the relationships of the fathers who are more often the parent in the military.

I decided, after meeting with Carol, to donate 150 books to be given free to military families upon LPE’s visits to installations around the country. A few months later, a retired USAF Colonel friend of mine and his wife donated $2000 to buy more books to be given away to military families. As a retired USAF Colonel myself, and a strong champion of the military, this match-up of helping fathers and military families became a match made in heaven. Eventually, I became a proud board member of LPE.

Jessica, ready for the kids!

We have supported individual families with sick children, families with financial burdens, Gold Star families, and been a part of just saying thank you, especially to military kids who serve through their parents by giving up so much of their time with them! This past week, we gave away 160 signature Little Patriot Bears to kids and 75 copies of my book at a Fall Festival at Ft. Leonard Wood in Missouri. We intend to continue helping kids in military families with the help of others.

If you find it in your heart, help us reduce the emotional stress that military family members have due to separation, relocation, or death of a loved one with a donation through our website or Facebook page. Also, what better way to help any family than to help them to mentor and help each other. This was my personal message in writing my book on fatherhood.

“[A] quotation is a handy thing to have about, saving one the trouble of thinking for oneself, always a laborious business."~ A.A.Milne

I love a good quote! Quotes are a sort of philosophical shorthand which can help an author, speaker, or you to get a point across.

When I wrote, “The Power of Dadhood”, I started each chapter with a quote. I didn’t limit their use to introductions, I used them whenever they helped to make a point. A good quote can say quite a bit in just a few words.

As an example, the quote I used for my ‘Introduction’ was attributed to Mother Theresa.

“The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.”

More than anything, this was a book about the need for, and the power of, love - comparing it to one of the basics of survival - food. This quote sets the stage for the reader and does it with clarity and brevity.​The quote that introduced Chapter One ‘The Power of Fatherhood’, was from Gloria Steinem.

“Most American children suffer too much mother and too little father.”

This quote was used to let the reader know that, along with love, my focus was going to be about the need for love specifically from a father. Steinem’s quote let us know that, among parents, it was not unusual that children learn most of what they know, and spend more time around, their mother. Not necessarily a bad thing, mothers are awesome! But when taken to an extreme, such as a father missing physically or emotionally, can cause numerous issues for a child’s behavior and self-confidence.

I’m not going to explain each quote in “The Power of Dadhood”, but I will say that just reading the quotes will do a lot to help a man be a father to his child. It is my hope, of course, that I enhance each quote using my experiences as a son and as a father. It's like working with a team! Some being brilliant.​With that introduction, here are some quotes that may get you thinking.

I am blessed with four beautiful grandchildren. It doesn’t matter if they are cute, but they are. It doesn’t matter if they are smart, but they are. It doesn’t matter is they smile and reach for hugs when they see me, as three out of four do (the holdout is my grandson – but there is no issue). No, all that matters is they are children who need love and who want to love back. My grandchildren are the brightest lights in my life - as are yours to you, as it should be. The same, of course, for their parents.

Physical beauty and personal charm is a true advantage in life. It’s so easy to be enamored by a cute little boy or girl as you watch them romp at a playground with their dad, or see them clinging to a shopping cart with their mom. Pretty curls or charming smiles naturally draw attention from strangers. (Please, I’m not talking about ‘weirdos’).

It’s very difficult for me to find a child that has no charm, but when I do, I immediately think about what may be going on in that child’s life. When eyes sparkle and when smiles are wide, children radiate their inner happiness and beauty. But vacant eyes and somber looks, notwithstanding a bad cold or a stomachache, are windows into their backstory.

When I see a child like this, a child who seems melancholy, I look up at the adult they are with, assuming they are the parent/grandparent. What is in their eyes? How are they reacting to, or interacting with their child? I don’t often say hello or smile at a young child with a far-off look. It doesn’t see welcomed to do so either by the child or his/her parents. It could be just a bad day all-around and you don’t want to mess with that. But children at risk are the kids that most need a boost to their ego or a compliment to remember.

Where am I going with this? I guess it is a reminder that is a family’s responsibility to provide an environment that will allow a child to thrive. No one will love your child as much as you do. No one will have more influence than you. Even if they are tutored by a near Leonardo Di Vinci, a parent will have the early influence that will shape them. Words of confidence, acts of love, and corrections as necessary will be the tools to shape them in the best way you can.​It’s a fact that 34 million children live in a one-parent home. Many more live in homes where parenting is an afterthought to existence. Those children may experience some inattention. So as a stranger, or as a friend or neighbor, consider smiling or giving words of praise to a child, and not just the cute lovable ones. It’s a tough choice, to mind your own business or take a chance and engage in a positive way. Those blessed children aren’t as likely to be in need of attention. They are the fortunate ones with loving guidance at home. The sullen children can appear unattractive, but there are no ugly children, just those looking to escape into the shining light. Those who would be surprised at being noticed in a positive way.

​Rudyard Kipling’s poem “If” (below) is one of my all-time favorites! He describes so eloquently the challenges one can face and what can be done to counter those challenges. Success in abundance awaits anyone overcoming these obstacles of life. But the big question is, “If you can”.

Kipling tells his son what will make him a man. However, we’re not sure if he mentored him on just how to meet and beat those challenges. Virtually no one goes through life and acquires the talent, knowledge, and confidence necessary to succeed without guidance or help from others.

A few years ago I sent Kipling’s poem to my son with multiple notes in the borders to personalize it with some explanation. He was a young man by then and too late to mold him much further to meet these tests. But what a great reminder of the struggles that face all of us.

​No, anything I could do as a father to help mold my son would have had to take place long ago, starting as an infant. A parent’s influence on a child decreases with time. Lessons taught and demonstrated early in their formative years are the lessons that will stick.

‘What to do’ in taking on a challenge is not always enough. Sometimes, children need to know ‘how’. For example, a defensive coach in football, on a fourth and goal on the one yard line, can’t just say, “Don’t let them in the end zone!” He must give them instructions on what to look for and how to stop it. For a father, teaching first requires observation and caring, then being a positive example.

So it is with all fathers - for their daughters, and even more so with sons because of the extra burden of being a male role model. Teach! Demonstrate! Be a model! Just be there, and be involved!

​If BY RUDYARD KIPLING​If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,Or being hated, don’t give way to hating, And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master; If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breathe a word about your loss;If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, If all men count with you, but none too much;If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it, And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!