I’ve been thinking about what it means to be in “vibrational alignment.“

It’s often spoken about in terms of being an energetic match for your desires, but at it’s simplest I think it comes down to feeling good.

As Wayne Dyer said,

“The Law of Attraction is this:

You don’t attract what you want, you attract what you are.”

What we give out (vibrationally) is what comes back to us.

If we want to create a joyful and fulfilling life, rather than focusing on the details, we need to make sure that the vibration we are putting out into the Universe – simply expressed the emotions in our energetic field – is predominantly one of fulfilment and joy.

Well, at times, it’s easier said than done.

In any one day, in any one life, there’s a beautiful medley of things the mind labels “good” coexisting side-by-side with things the mind labels “bad.”

That’s true for everyone; no matter how enchanted and trouble-free their life may seem on the surface.

One of the only things that is guaranteed in life is that we’re all going to face challenges.

So with challenges the great equaliser of the human experience, it becomes a question of how we respond.

When we allow our circumstances to dictate our reactions we become an out of control yo-yo on an emotional roller coaster; subject to every which way the wind blows, governed by the whims of life.

We might feel joy and fulfilment one moment; be mired in despair and despondency the next.

This way of being doesn’t necessarily present a particular problem when the going is essentially good.

But it certainly doesn’t make the grade when we find ourselves face to face with real and deep-rooted challenges that don’t just “go away” however much we wish they would.

While it’s true that part of our purpose in incarnating here on Earth is to experience the full spectrum of human emotions, none of us likes feeling “bad.”

Over and above this, feeling bad takes us out of vibrational alignment with the truth of who we are and what we came here to discover and experience – the joy and peace that live at the centre of our being.

And – as like attracts like – the more we focus on the negative, the more of it we see in our lives.

So, how do we get ourselves out of this loop?

I first want to be very clear that I’m in no way talking about shunning or denying our negative thoughts, experiences and feelings.

Real healing and a sense of reconnection with our wholeness can only take place when we find the courage to explore all of ourself – the shadow as well as the light.

It is in the excavation of the darkest recesses of our being that we start to become more of ourself; to embody, authentically, all that we are.

But it’s not healthy for us to linger in the the shadows too long.

They key is to examine with fearless honesty our negative thoughts, experiences and feelings; to bring healing to them, and then let them go.

Fill the space that is left in their absence with love, light and joy; things that are in vibrational agreement with the truth of who we are; the joy and beauty that are our essence.

And it is only when we become the the conscious creator of our experience instead of letting our experiences control and have mastery over us, that we are able to lift our vibration into this kind of alignment.

So, how do we consciously create our experience?

It’ s a matter of mindfulness, and what we choose to put our focus on.

The more we focus on the good, the more of it we see in our lives.

As John Lubbock said,

“What we see depends mainly on what we look for.”

Or, as many before me have said, what we focus on expands.

Diving into this a little deeper, the way I see it focus hinges on three things:

our thoughts,

our words,

our actions.

Being in vibrational alignment means that each of these must reflect the reality we want to see in our life:

we need to be thinking, saying and doing the things that make us feel good.

It’s as simple as that…

and as difficult.

It requires great mindfulness and commitment.

It requires knowing who we are, what our soul longs to experience, and honoring that.

Although there are some similarities in what we long to experience the specifics will be different for each one of us for we all have our own unique soul blueprint; a “joy code” written only for us.

Being in vibrational alignment means bringing awareness to the thoughts, words and actions we’re choosing to activate in our life – focusing on the positive and uplifting, the ways we’re abundantly blessed, the things we want to bring more of into our life; releasing and letting go over and over again on deeper and deeper levels anything else.

In the domain of thoughts,

it means giving up our victimhood. Ceasing to feel sorry for ourself; withholding our tendency to wallow in the past reliving regrets about things we did and didn’t do and holding onto resentments about misdeeds committed against us.

It means invoking the gift of forgiveness.

Forgiving both ourself and others – not to condone what they (or we) did or make it okay, but for our own peace of mind and growth.

It means giving up our addiction to anxiety, worry and fear for the future. Releasing the habit of tying ourself up in knots over things we have no control over.

Learning to trust in something greater than ourself; accepting that everything is working out for our greatest and highest good, knowing we are always supported.

Learning to trust ourself. We’ve navigated our way this far through life; we have every reason to believe we can make it through whatever comes our way.

It means that when difficult circumstances arise we lovingly support ourself through them, being patient with ourself and giving ourself the time we need.

When situations that trigger one of our patterns enter our life, we interact with them mindfully. We look for the gift of love, compassion or self-knowledge they hold. We ask what they are here to teach us, instead of looking for someone or something to blame.

It means giving up our negative self-talk – our habit of comparing ourselves to others or some unattainable standard of perfection and finding ourself lacking. Of putting ourself down and making ourself wrong.

Relinquishing the inner bully and choosing instead to speak to ourself with words of love, understanding, acceptance and compassion.

It means learning to embrace our mistakes and celebrate the courageous self who makes them.

Realizing our mistakes are testimony to the fact that we’re putting ourselves out there, trying new things, expanding and growing, exploring the potential we’ve been given.

It means learning to live with our fear without letting it control us or hold us back from reaching out for connection or doing what we love.

It means that every time we notice a self-defeating thought coming up in our heads we refuse to believe it. We turn it around and tell ourself the reverse; replace it with something that nourishes us and enriches our experience instead.

It means that in any and all situations we focus on what we are (I am a uniquely beautiful being), what we have (I have a heart that sees beauty all around), what we can do (I can connect with others with ease and grace), what we can give (I uplift others with words of support and encouragement); instead of all the places in which we are in lack.

It means training our minds to look for the positive and joyful, the ways we’re being constantly blessed and supported. Training our attention to linger on the good, not the bad:

The things we’re grateful for.

The beauty in our lives and all around us.

The things we enjoy.

The things we succeed at – in the sense of improving on our one-time self.

The loving things others do for us.

The loving things we do for others.

We can actively train our mind to notice and appreciate these things if we get into the habit of listing them up at the end of the day – 5 things we’re grateful for; 5 moments of beauty; 5 things we enjoyed; 5 things we did well; 5 loving things others did for us; 5 loving things we did for others.

It means learning to reside in the Now.

Being able to pull your mind up short when it starts to spiral into the unresolved past or its fear of the unknown future. Noticing the serenity and peace of being fully present in the Now moment, breathing in that.

It means reclaiming your right to marvel; to delight and thrill in the world we live in with a child’s sense of joy and wonder.

Looking at the world with fresh eyes and a heart that is open to see the everyday miracles; the abundance that is all around.

In the domain of words,

it means actively refraining from using our words in ways that detract from ourself and others -gossip, complaining, criticism, judgements; anything that tears down, instead of building up.

It means having the intention of upholding and serving the greatest and highest good of both ourself and the other person/people present when we speak.

It means infusing our words with love and compassion; giving voice to that which uplifts and empowers; being gracious in our gift of words to others.

Not forgetting that sometimes fierce honesty with ourself and/or others is the most compassionate and empowering gift we can give, whether it’s seen that way or not.

It means not just going along with what’s being said when it’s negatively charged or brings your energy down.

When it’s not appropriate to voice disagreement out loud, simply say to yourself: “Cancel. That’s not for me. That’s not the reality I’m choosing to have in my life.”

It means learning the art of respectfully changing the subject; politely excusing yourself when conversations are stuck in a low vibrational frequency and don’t serve the highest good of anyone involved.

It means noticing the people with who this seems to happen with time and time again, and paring down the time you spend with them.

It means doing away with the need to talk just to fill the silence, consciously choosing our words instead.

Engaging in authentic conversations which feel good because they honor the truth of who we are, opening us up to real connection with others.

It means undertaking not to speak falsehoods, for how can we feel good when we compromise our integrity?

It means becoming aware of the kind of things we talk about that bring our vibration down – our problems, heartaches, illnesses, worries, lack and fears.

Learning to sidestep the need to explain these things to others, for the more energy we give what is “wrong” in our lives, the more it persists; the less energy we have to focus on what is “right” in our lives and makes us feel good.

When we cannot resist the urge to talk about our problems, it serves us best to stay conscious and do it in an empowering way.

Not “my problem” – for that leads us to take ownership; instead, “the (life) lesson that’s playing out in my life now.”

Not, “I hate my boss and my job sucks.” But something more along the lines of, “I’m learning a lot about what I don’t want in a job, which can only help me to make better choices in the future.”

When the people we’re with talk about their problems a lot we can help to empower them by refusing to be consumed by the story and the drama.

Instead, speak to their Higher Self, encouraging them to take responsibility for their experience.

Shift the focus from the appropriation of blame to how the experience makes them feel, what is it that they’re doing that allows or perpetuates that, how they could do something differently in the future to create a different and better quality of experience. All the time holding a space of love and acceptance so they can express themself and their feelings authentically without feeling judged.

It means asking them (in advance) to do the same for us when we get bogged down in “our” problems. And when they comply with our request, having the courage and integrity to open our hearts and engage with the experience from a genuine desire to know what it’s there to teach us.

It means not reliving things from the past that caused us stress or unhappiness in the stories we tell unless it serves the greatest and highest good of us or someone else in the Now moment which we share.

Prying ourselves away from the love of drama, sympathy and our need to justify ourself that are so often inherent in this; choosing instead to recollect things that make us feel loved; worthy; happy; joyful; filled with love and enthusiasm for who we are and our journey.

It means being conscious enough not to create connection with others on the basis of shared victimhood and negativity; building connections instead that celebrate mutual growth, the journey into ever greater self-empowerment, the expansion into more and more of our innate potential, the joy and wonder of being alive.

It means not being afraid to own our talents or the vision of greatness that we’d like to grow into.

Not falling victim to self-doubt or false humility, saying things that undervalue ourselves; taking us out of alignment with our vision.

Instead, speaking the language of conviction and unwavering belief in ourself and others that supports us in fulfilling our dreams and embodying our vision of our highest self.

It means refraining from our need to prove ourself right. Eschewing our efforts to convince others of our point of view – with all the ensuing arguments and conflict that arise when we try to force someone to conform to and live our version of the truth instead of accepting theirs.

Instead, interacting in ways which show we honor the other for who they are, the light at the center of their being, whether we’re in accord with them on everything or not.

Exhibiting our respect for them as a sovereign being endowed with the right to make their own choices, plot the course of their life.

Coming from a space of sharing, not one of conversational warfare.

A space in which the focus is on having hearts and minds that are wide open. Willing to accept each other in all our glorious diversity; to be open to what we can learn from the experience instead of trying to bring the other round to our point of view.

It means making a conscious decision to be aware of what we choose to talk about and the way we choose to talk about it.

Expressing ourselves and building communicative acts with others in ways that make us feel good.

Choosing our words carefully to make sure they’re in vibrational alignment. Not, “I can’t” or “I don’t know how;” but “I know I can and I will learn how.”

Speech acts that make us “right” not “wrong.” Using words that acknowledge how far we have come; speak the language of self-love and self-acceptance. Words that affirm the magnificent wonder of who we are; attest to our strength and capacity to expand into the full expression of our potential.

Speech acts that joyfully celebrate the Life that we are and the life that we are choosing to create for ourself. Rejoicing in the things that are beautiful and aligned and going well in our lives; the ones that bring us fulfilment and happiness.

Speech acts through which the love that is our essence flows into the world around us, touching the lives of everyone we meet: expressing our appreciation for others; honoring their truth with words of love and kindness; uplifting, inspiring and empowering them with speech acts which celebrate who they are and affirm the invaluable contribution they’re making in the world.

Speech acts which remind them of the truth of who they are; (re)connect them with their power; (re)align them with the centered self that lies within; (re)unite them with the expansiveness of their being.

When we consciously give our words as gifts to others, we elevate not only their vibration but also our own. Love and light pour into both our lives, and the high vibrational energy is magnified.

It also serves us well to remember that each word has a particular vibrational value, in much the same way as different musical notes belong to different octaves.

Some of the highest vibrational things we can say are, “Thank you” and “I love you.”

We can also consciously incorporate high vibrational words like “gratitude;” “beauty;” “abundance;” “pleasure;” “joy;” “delight;” “freedom;” “choice;” “peace;” “serenity;” “generosity;” “creativity;” “kindness;” “compassion;” “wisdom;” “strength;” “integrity;” “value;” “aligned;” “whole;” “complete;” “one with all that is…” and so on – any word that evokes a response of joy and lightness within.

Commit to making high vibrational words your signature in your speech acts to both yourself and others, and watch your joy expand.

In the domain of action,

it means saying “No” to living for others, and “Yes” to living for yourself.

Getting honest with yourself and others about what you like to do and what you don’t.

Doing less of the things you don’t like, and more of the things you love.

If necessary, taking the time out to rediscover what that is for you.

It means bringing to light all the things you do out of a sense of obligation or a desire to “people please,” putting other people’s happiness before your own. Choosing instead to make your own joy and well-being your highest priority.

Toning down the “shoulds” and “have tos;” asking yourself instead: “What is that I want to do right now?” “What would make me feel good?”

It means training yourself to listen to the whisperings of your soul, and having the commitment-to-self and courage to follow through no matter what.

Having the integrity to be true to yourself. Not getting caught up in what everybody else wants you to be or do.

Understanding that being true to yourself is the best way you can add value and make a contribution in the world.

Understanding that some people will like it and some people won’t. Understanding that that’s okay.

It means bowing out of society’s illusion that in order to feel good you need to be and have more.

Enriching your life with people and experiences; rather than getting caught up in the accumulation of more and more things.

It means practicing self-love and self-acceptance so thoroughly that you know – absolutely – that you are already and always enough, with or without a list of achievements.

It means immersing yourself in the spiritual practices that remind you of this time and time again; for this is a lifetime journey and there are no quick fixes or easy shortcuts.

It means giving up our obsession with perpetual busyness; whether that be at work, at home, or our personal life.

We have to be fully present with our experiences to enjoy them on their deepest level and excavate the riches they hold. That is so much more difficult to do when our life is always moving ahead at lightning speed, and we’re constantly sprinting from one deadline/task/engagement to the next.

It means consciously integrating pauses into our life.

Hiatus.

Pockets of time-space in which our only goal is to take the all-important time we need for ourself.

Pockets of time-space in which we can unwind and relax; give ourselves over to rest, pleasure and fun, sustenance for the soul, with wild abandon.

Dangling our bare feet over the edge of life, as we breathe in the sweet fragrance and feel the caress of the gentle breeze…

It means accepting our own dispensability.

So often the reason we’re afraid to slow down or to incorporate the changes that living true to ourself would necessitate is a false assumption that the world – or our little piece of it – will stop turning if we’re not there to balance it like a spinning disc on our finger, ensuring everything is in its “proper” place and functioning smoothly.

Do you really have so little trust in the people around you that you think everything will collapse into chaos if you step away for a while, take some time for yourself?

It means refusing to be a slave to perfectionism, and letting go of our fixation with “destination” which turns all our endeavours into a race towards end product and results. Allowing ourself to put our focus on creative exploration, expansion, self-expression and enjoyment of the process instead.

it means dispensing with our habit of delaying our happiness until some elusive condition is filled. Waiting for such and such to happen before we allow ourself to begin living the way we want to or permit ourself to feel happy and fulfilled.

Life is lived Now.

If you want to experience more joy and happiness, start now.

Now is the only moment that is ever available to us.

And now is the pocket of space-time in which we choose the thought or word or action which leads us to experience a greater lightness of being, a deeper peace in our heart, an increased sense of joy and fulfilment.

One choice at a time. One day at a time.

Step by step by step.

It means taking the responsibility for our happiness off other people’s shoulders; putting it firmly on our own.

Seeing our happiness (or lack of it) as a sum of our own choices; not defined by someone or something else.

It means accepting our responsibility for the way we live our life and the experiences we create within that.

It means looking at the things you habitually do that make you feel bad – take my chronic lateness for a start. Proactively deciding to find a way to change it, or deciding, for now, to let your attachment to it go.

It means upholding our commitments; doing the things we say we will – including our commitments and promises to ourself.

How much easier is it to feel good about ourselves when we’re living in integrity, embodying our Higher Self?

All of the high vibrational words listed above are qualities of the Higher Self. Why not explore how you can activate them in your life, asking:

“What would it look like to be “compassion” now?”

“How can I embody “generosity?””

It means giving of yourself generously and doing things that add value to the lives of others.

At our core we are a deep wellspring of love. When we pour this love in to the world through acts of service that are aligned with our soul, we are filled with a sense of well-being – the joy that comes upon knowing we’re making a valuable contribution in the world.

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