What happens if you cross Chuck Norris with Sylvester Stallone? Harrison Ford with Angelina Jolie? Arnold Schwarzenegger with Jackie Chan? No, not a neurotic plastic surgeon with small hands, but an Expendables 3 Dream Team made in action star heaven. Celeb Dirty Laundry set out to find the hottest action stars on the planet and add them to our list.

It was hard at first and Annemarie and I kept asking ourselves, “Who do we cut? Who do we add? Who belongs on the greatest list of all?” We were divided like a soccer team in Benghazi, but we eventually mustered up the courage to bring you an octane-driven group of the 18 most important action heroes of the past twenty years. There were some elderly gentleman (Harrison Ford), some botched Brazilian Botox jobs with sad faces (Sylvester Stallone) and several lesser known creatures with six packs you could break eggs on, but most importantly, we finally held a list in our shaky hands and cried like Britney Spears at a Christmas shave-a-thon.

We took our list to the furthest reaches of the planet and asked some of the scariest dudes who had ever lived what they thought of our action stars. Genghis Khan cried on a head, Kim Jong-il moved to South Korea, Fidel Castro handed us his cigars and Bruce Jenner placed his face on the table. We did it. Our list of the scariest action stars brought the planet to a grinding halt and made the biggest black holes cry about all of the stars they had killed. According to latest reports, we even knocked out the wind beneath Bette Midler’s wings and a funeral procession was held on Mars for Barbra Streisand’s noses. (Martians thought A Star Is Born was an educational film).

The definition of expendable: Of little significance when compared to an overall purpose, and therefore able to be abandoned.