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Guilty Pleasures: Masters of the Universe

By the power of Grayskull... does our Scott McKenzie have the power or not?

Mr McKenzie, you stand before me again accused of a crime possibly more heinous than any of the accusations that have previously been made against you. I've got a good mind to find Masters of the Universe guilty right now and be done with the trial, but the judicial process compels me to listen to both sides of the argument...

Prosecution

Let me begin by pointing out the most obvious and condemning fact about this movie—this is Masters of the Universe in name only. There is none of the humour or charm of the original cartoon and there are significant exclusions from the story. Gone are Orko, King Randor and Battle Cat to name just a few key characters. I know the budget was an issue, but come on—how much does it really cost to rent a lion for a day and spray it with green paint? The muscle-bound Dolph Lundgren may have seemed like a good choice for He-Man, but he doesn't exactly ooze charisma and he's regularly upstaged by Skeletor and the incredibly annoying Orko substitute Gwildor (Exhibit A).

Exhibit A: Come back Orko, all is forgiven!

One of the most important character traits is completely missed out without any explanation. At the beginning He-Man is already He-Man and at no point does anyone say 'Hey, where's Prince Adam? I haven't seen him for ages.' Also conspicuous by their absence are Skeletor's main henchmen, with the exception of Evil-Lyn and a Beast Man that looks like he's the black sheep of Chewbacca's family. Instead of the live action Trap Jaw and Jitsu that the fans were looking for, we get new bad guys that are pretty useless. Granted, Blade is a neat addition, allowing He-Man to have a proper sword fight, but it's obvious that the likes of Karg were only added in to sell new action figures (Exhibit B).

Exhibit B: The real reason the movie was made

The whole production has a distinct whiff of a lack of imagination, with the Star Wars saga being the subject of the most blatant rip-offs. The guys in black suits are effectively Stormtroopers, Frank Langella's Skeletor is a cross between Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine and the colour coding of the lasers of green and blue for goodies and red for baddies is copied and pasted here. On top of that, the screenplay is littered with moments where the actors are expected to spout a load of nonsense just to prove they're from another planet. Do you know what a preton, chromon or parsecion are? Neither do I, but everyone on screen seems to. Worst of all is when Teela looks to the camera after shooting a load of bad guys and declares herself a 'Woman-At-Arms' (Exhibit C).

Exhibit C: Turning the audience into cringers

Masters of the Universe is unfortunately a product of the 80s, with all the negative connotations that brings. We've got a MacGuffin that's essentially an intergalactic Casio keyboard, soundtrack courtesy of Living in a Box (remember them? Thought not) and neon and big hair galore. However, the worst crime that is committed by the existence of this movie is that it stopped a decent version of Masters of the Universe getting made for over twenty years, with a new, more faithful version in the offing. I plead with the jury to find this movie guilty—it was no more than an attempt to get cash out of parents' pockets in the 80s and it's even less relevant now.

Defence

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, what my learned friend for the prosecution fails to realise is that Masters of the Universe was little more than a cynical attempt to make money from the beginning. The cartoon was filled with different bad guys just so Mattel could knock a new action figure out every few weeks. Why is it so bad that they did exactly the same for the movie? The prosecution may have hit the point that the filmmakers had a lack of imagination, but this is more than made up for in their ambition.

Sure, the opening credits and score are ripped off Superman and the production looks like a low-budget Flash Gordon at times, but it's clear to me that they wanted to make a movie on as grand a scale as possible. A lot of time and money went into the huge sets, so much so that the production eventually sank Cannon Pictures, which in itself may have been a blessing. The reason for this is that joint production almost began on a sequel to Masters of the Universe and a big screen adaptation of Spider-Man at the same time. That's right— Masters of the Universe 2 and Spider-Man were going to be filmed on the same set and when Cannon went under, the screenplay for the sequel turned into Jean-Claude Van Damme's Cyborg! Exhibit D is a link to a site that contains interesting details about the doomed production, including the summary of a plot that would surely have been even further away from the He-Man we know.

The performances may be no better than any 80s action movie, but Masters of the Universe is noteworthy because it features the first big screen appearances of Courtney Cox and Robert Duncan McNeill, who would later play Tom Paris in Star Trek: Voyager. Interestingly, the Sorceress of Grayskull is played by the same woman who plays Monica's mother in Friends. Yes, this is a movie firmly rooted in the 80s, but one good thing about that is the appearance of the always-watchable James Tolkan. It doesn't matter whether he's threatening Marty McFly with detention or threatening Maverick with a job of flying rubber dogshit out of Hong Kong, if you want bald, threatening and funny at the same time, you've come to the right place.

Exhibit E: Look at me, mum!

Masters of the Universe may not be the greatest movie ever made, but the filmmakers did all they could on a budget with interference from both the studio and Mattel, who insisted on including contest winner Richard Szponder as a character called Pigboy in a blink-and-you'll-miss-him cameo (exhibit E). It may not have been a huge success, but it holds a place in the hearts of many children of the 80s and even at the time it found a small but enthusiastic audience who appreciated it (exhibit F: ignore the first half of the video).

Exhibit F: Somebody loves the movie

Now I must ask the visitors of DVDActive once more—do you find Masters of the Universe guilty or not guilty?

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Speaking of MOTU, Mattel is releasing new figures inspired by the original '80s line exclusively through their collector's site beginning on December 1st when the new He-Man the Beast Man figures go on sale. Apparently they've already sold one figure that was a SDCC exclusive type deal, King Grayskull. They'll be releasing one new figure a month after December; Skeletor is the January figure. I already have my money in hand.

Dolph hadn't quite managed to hide his accent as well has he ended up doing, so the iconic quote from the movie comes out as something like this:

"Iy haff der p'wer".

Did anyone ever get that record released by a Masters of the Universe fanclub, which consisted of music used for the toy commericals, and it was just essentially a list of characters' names read out to a piece of music?

Imagine this - if you can:

"He-Man, He-Man"

Du Da Duh-du-Duh

"Beastman, Beastman"

Du Da Duh-du-Duh

"Modulock, Modulock"

Du Da Duh-du-Duh

You get the gist by now!

A friend of ours had it, and if he put it on Ebay, there would be a lot of interest for such a rare piece of amazing cr*p.

The only way the movie could have been more camp would have been if they had brought in a few of the later characters - OK, Buzz-Off is a pretty cr*p name for an fly-like creature, but to have one named Fisto, complete with oversized metal fist is just asking for an "oo-er"!

It would have pushed up the rating as surely as Fisto would have pushed up yesterdays' dinner back along someones' intestines if he had lived up to his name in the movie.

love this movie so much, was really diappointed they never made a sequel!! they teased us a little after the credit skeletor comes out of the water! some people not have seen that bit not sure why i didi to be honest as soon as the credit come up i usauly turn the film off.

they also cancelled the remake which was supposed to happen this year : (

Ha! I vote in favour of the defense here! When I was six I had the pleasure of seeing this at the drive-in on a double-bill with the similarly Cannon-mangled Superman IV! Of course, at that age I thought this was the greatest thing ever. Even at six I pegged that theme music as a mash-up/ripoff of the Star Wars and Superman themes. At least it was colourful though, and less shoddy than Superman IV.

You know, I was looking for that clip on Youtube while I was proof reading the article, but the firewall at the place I'm working at the moment blocks it and it wouldn't work through a dodgy proxy either.

I loved this when I caught it at the cinema as a kid, and when I got this on dvd I was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed it. Sure it is undemanding, but still great fun and very 80s for those who remember it.

i too own the dvd so i guess i must like it. but i cannot and will not refer it as a guilty pleasure. i feel no guilt for liking this, yes its partly due to nostalgia that i do but still....i like the movies i like, guilt free.

something thats always made me giggle though is during the chase on those hover disc thingies....there's a shot of he-man flying and it totally looks like the action figure down to the pose. not sure if they actually used the toy or if it was some homage but yeah...it always gets a chuckle.

John Woo was attached to a CGI movie and then there was a brilliant script leaked online. I believe that Warner Bros has lost its bottle and abandoned to project. They'd much rather give us more c**p Potter movies.

This poster still to this day, proudly hangs in my office. My uncle got the poster from a movie theater on the release day. He framed it and gave it to me. It hung on a wall in my house until I moved in 1994. There was no wall so it went on a door in the basement. It fell off the wall and got damaged and I forgot about it. I moved again in 2005, found it, got it repaired and now it hangs proudly again.

I saw the movie about a dozen times when I was a kid, a dozen more as an adult. What is not to love?

Masters of the Universe is also a pretty notable film for comic book fans, as director Gary Goddard has admitted that the movie is heavily indebted to the work of the legendary Jack Kirby.

In fact, he even wrote a letter that was published in John Byrne's Next Men #26, when Goddard stated 'the storyline was greatly inspired by the classic Fantastic Four/Doctor Doom epics, The New Gods and a bit of Thor thrown in here and there. I intended the film to be a “motion picture comic book,” though it was a tough proposition to sell to the studio at the time. “Comics are just for kids,” they thought. They would not allow me to hire Jack Kirby who I desperately wanted to be the conceptual artist for the picture… I grew up with Kirby’s comics (I’ve still got all my Marvels from the first issue of Fantastic Four and Spider-Man through the time Kirby left) and I had great pleasure meeting him when he first moved to California. Since that time I enjoyed the friendship of Jack and Roz and was lucky enough to spend many hours with Jack, hearing how he created this character and that one, why a villain has to be even more powerful than a hero, and on and on. Jack was a great communicator, and listening to him was always an education. You might be interested to know that I tried to dedicate Masters of Universe to Jack Kirby in the closing credits, but the studio took the credit out'.

Marcus1138 wrote: One of my fondest memories of this movie (that never sat right with me as a He-Man movie, even as a kid) was catching the Skeletor "I'll be back" after the credits on a TV showing and thinking it was cool. Easy pleased I guess.

I know what you mean, but it's another pretty cool moment that's essentially nicked off Flash Gordon so I wasn't sure whether to use for the prosecution or the defence.

One of my fondest memories of this movie (that never sat right with me as a He-Man movie, even as a kid) was catching the Skeletor "I'll be back" after the credits on a TV showing and thinking it was cool. Easy pleased I guess.

Ok, I admit this to being a guilty pleasure, even Dolph cannot spoil it, even thought you could mistake him for a plank of wood walking around in a cape. In fact, not much is actually right with this apart from Frank Langella who I thought was quite inspired as Skeletor. Meg Foster, well that scene where she walks down the street stroking the very phallic Cosmic Key...well what can I say, I was young......