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Saturday, February 6, 2010

Thoughts on "Forgiveness"

"Forgiveness is about the past. Trust and respect are about the future. Forgiveness will be in the hands of others and can be given to you, but trust and respect are in your own hands...and must be earned."

~~"The Noticer" p. 120

One of the things I loved about "The Noticer" is its ability to take concepts, such as forgiveness, and explain them in very simple ways.

Simply pointing out that forgiveness is "about the past" and trust and respect are "about the future", makes it very clear why things are not instantly reconciled once an apology is accepted, and the person "forgiven".

It reminds me that I cannot "make" anyone forgive me and that ongoing work is required to regain trust and respect. It is not easy, but it is necessary.

On the flip side, in "forgiving" someone of a past action, I am not required to trust until trust has been rebuilt over time. I do not have to "forget", I simply choose not to be angry, hold the grudge, or use the offense as a weapon.