A MAN LIVING LIFE DELIBERATELY

Sometimes In December

I know exactly what you are going to say
“Here they come again,with more tales of abuse”
Or
“Boo Hoo,he hit me,so why don’t you just leave”

I won’t blame you for thinking the way you are thinking right now,because the thing is,all abuse stories always start the same way,you never see it coming,or you are too blind to realize you are in deep trouble.

Am sitting here,looking outside my window,I see people getting all excited about the Christmas holidays,buying presents,setting up the Christmas trees, making different dishes,the joy the season brings,but you see all that is lost on me,and I don’t think I’ll ever get the joyful feeling back.

Five years ago,I was left to die,left to burn in my own home,by my own husband,now ex anyway, funny story really, now that I think about it,I find it rather amusing,some men can be such babies,deadly babies anyway.

If he couldn’t have his way,then no one would have their way,I got pregnant,I put on some weight,he didn’t want that,he also complained, you sweat too much, you snore too much,you have an O dour I got so worked up and stressed out,I eventually lost the baby.

After that it got worse,he accused me of being Obsessed with my figure,and I intentionally killed our baby,he said so many hurtful things,spiteful words,I gave him room to vent,maybe because I thought he wanted to get it out of his system,it was like trying to drain a python of its venom.

It was like being at sea,sometimes you get calm waters,other times without warning,you get a storm,but the tsunami was just about to make landfall.

12th of December 08,I was in the living room,with my ex husband,we were decorating the Christmas tree,lovely holiday music on the radio,he was jolly and being very nice,like Santa,the tree was looking great,suddenly he snuggled up beside me,and handed me a little wrapped box, I opened it and saw a baby pacifier, and on it the words “make me” was written, he had this suggestive smile on his lips,he stood up and offered me his hand, I took it and he pulled me close,he kissed me deeply,he suggested we go upstairs,but I held him back,I thought I had a better idea,well now thinking back,I should have just gone upstairs,but then forgive me if I wanted to spice up our relationship.

I suggested we wait till later,told him we could continue the decorations and flirt with each other, see I expected it would increase our sexual desire,I had read somewhere about that and wanted to practice it,remind me never to read magazines with the title “how to improve your sex life”. Without warning,he exploded,he went into a tirade of how selfish and heartless I was,of how I always rebuffed all his gestures,and that I intentionally didn’t want to get pregnant,he even suggested I wanted to run down to the store and get some pills,since I was all out and wanted to stall,I stared at him, shocked and badly hurt.

I opened my mouth,and that was when it happened,he punched me,and head butted me at the same time,I fell to the floor, he kicked me, and swore at me,his eyes were on fire, I stood up and tried to run,but feel back down,felt my rib crack, he threw ornaments at me, I tried to crawl but he kept kicking me, suddenly he jumped on me,and wrapped the Christmas light cords around my neck and he chocked me,I was running out of breath,my head was throbbing,suddenly he stopped,he got off me,he pulled up my dress and raped me,he swore at me the whole time,reminding me I was trash,and he would dispose of me,I felt filthy,it didn’t end there,I tried to get up,but he knocked me down again,and whipped me with the Christmas lights.

He pushed the Christmas tree on me,and that pined me down, a few minutes pass, and I smelled gasoline, he lit the tree on fire and walked out of the house,he left me to burn, the smoke was intense,I could actually smell my flesh burning, I couldn’t breath,so I closed my eyes and waited for my painful death, suddenly I heard the door smash down,someone pulled me out,I think I passed out,I woke up in the hospital.

Long story short,he tried to murder me,now you know why sometimes in December I don’t share the cheer and joyful glee.

Ornaments are meant to beautify the tree,not to hurt people
Christmas lights are meant to light up the tree,not to strangle people with
Christmas trees are meant to be a symbol,and not to be used as wood to roast human beings

My ex was caught,trying to kill himself,coward,he couldn’t even do that right.

I sit here with a half burnt body,and acute breathing issues,didn’t expect I’d last this long,maybe I’ll still come around to enjoying one more Christmas.

I tell this story not for humor or for attention,but for awareness,abuse is real,it happens all around us

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One thought on “Sometimes In December”

Wow. What an experience. I’m truly sorry you had to go through that. He is the one with issues, not the season. While I can understand how this season and the things he used to torture you brings back memories, I must say you have to please try to get over it. Please I want you to enjoy the good tidings this season brings annually. I also wish and pray for physical and mental and emotional healing for you. HUGS. I wish I could see you and hug you and tell you it will all be alright. I also hope his sorry cowardly arse is sitting in a jail waiting for an electric chair or similar somewhere. Pele. You’re a true survivor.