My Blog is My Mistress … I LUH That Bitch!

I’m So Proud of Him … 1st Step To Moving On?

Feels like I haven’t posted a blog for ages … I’ve just been buried in the world of money making; investing time making sure my plan is fool proof .. so far so good, well at least the success rate outweighs the risks!

I think I’ve been burying my head in work and whatever because when I’m doing that, I don’t think about or talk about my ex … it’s like whenever I’m on my blog, my thoughts get loose and they flow in ways I can’t control. Because it’s my blog and there are no rules, there are no guidelines, no censors … I just write how I feel – that’s dangerous. My blog used to feel like my safe place, but at the moment it feels like the place I come to when I’m hurting and I don’t want hurt to be associated with blogging cause it doesn’t feel fun to me…

*Sighs*

You all know he left to go and play basketball in the states right? Well I ‘looked him up’ today … oh my gosh, I’m a stalker. Anyway I googled his ass looool! Can you believe the lows I’ve sunken to? I literally typed in “(Insert his name here) college basketball” and boom, up he came!

I felt this surge of pride, and I smiled. Like you know that pride you feel when you see your man (or girl) achieve something, I dunno… pass their driving test or get that job they’ve been aiming for? Well yeah, I felt that kinda warm pride like “damn my baby did good” … except … he isn’t my baby any more! He’s my sons father and my … EX.

*Sighs … again*

You know what, the Lord better have a good damn plan for me because right now I can’t see how this shit is ever gonna be alright. At first I thought the fact I feel so proud of him means that I’m learning to be ok with this, that I’m getting over it … realistically it’s because I love him with all my heart and I want him to achieve his dreams, everything I knew he was capable of.

I love that man…

More than he will ever know…

My girl said to me today “I actually want it to work out for you two. Maybe he’ll do well and tell you to go and live with him… you’d be a fool not to”

And I feel the same … regardless of everything that’s happened, all the things he’s done, all the things he hasn’t done … I’d up and leave my life in a heartbeat to be with both my boys if I knew we’d give it a proper chance…

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4 comments

Oh mama, being proud of him is being true to yourself! Be proud! Hello you can say the father of your child is doing something amazing, imagine of he wasn’t and you had to tell people your baby daddy was working at McDonald’s! Lordimerci! You never know what may happen also, trust me.. My guy was mia and said some ridiculous things.. Now he’s all up on my grill wanting to be in her life. Sometimes it just clicks in their head .. Takes awhile and sometimes it’s not exactly what we want but at least it’s an effort. And when and if he does come around.. Embrace it and let it take it’s course. For when he does come, you might be over him!!
Sending lots of love!! Xo xo

Takes genuine love and maturity to be happy for an ex. Think you are a great person (from what I’ve read ;)) and your blessings will be endless. Sometimes the one that holds our hearts isn’t the one that God has in store for us.