Coming home has two meanings for me (Matt): 1)this was the theme of our 3 adoptions. Our daughters were coming home to the family God destined them to be with; 2)coming home is practical theme for my life (Matt)as well.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Turning a Corner....NOT!

Just when we think we've turned the corner with Nia, she goes and pitches a royal knock-down, drag-out fit. The hardest part for us is to keep calm, remain emotional disengaged, and not let her drag us into it. You have to understand, these fits are loud and violent complete with kicking, thrashing about, and screaming.

Last night she even went as far as to tell each of us that she doesn't like us and doesn't even care about us at all. So now we've added verbal abuse to her arsenal. Even though I'm 38 years old, those words brought out my Mama Bear. I just can't have a member of our family telling my little ones that they are not liked or cared for. They don't understand that she is trying to hurt with her words. They simply believe her and find themselves utterly wounded. We told her that we still care about her, and even if she really doesn't like us to please not tell us again.

Another difficulty is to see Nia do all of this and not scream at her something along the lines of "After All We've Done For You!" I can't expect her to be grateful. I can never make her feel like she owes us anything. She was powerless in coming to our family. She doesn't owe us anything except respect because we are her parents. I know this, but I still long to see some small speck of gratitude, gratefulness, thanks, appreciation. But we get nothing. Again, God lets me feel a little like He must feel sometimes. Ugh.

8 comments:

Hang in there, Angel. We haven't had anything near what you have gone through, but it does hurt when they throw fits and cry (wail) and don't seem to care about anything. We have gone 3 weeks now with no crying fits...though ours are mainly about school work. Praying for you....I know it especially hurts when it hurts your other kids. Starla

I was warned about this when our triplets came home. Once the honeymoon phase was over, they'd be awful. Then it would come up again some time before 6 mos. It did for us. Awful at about 3-4 mos. Now I can't even remember them not being a happy part of our family.(Ok, ok, I remember, but it's been a long time.) :)

Praying for you...and remembering the video you posted of Nia flying into your arms at the orphanage, wiry legs wrapped around you and face burried in your neck...may her heart and will surrender to the love you offer.

for you and Matt: peace, surrender to Him, new revelations about You, Him and His Plan in the midst of this so it's ALL worthwhile and useful!, wisdom, discernment, soft hearts, healing for wounds she inflicts, protection for your whole family through His angels and His words of Truth, refreshment on the good days, clarity on the bad, a peek into the eternal of what's really going on. . .a knowledge of the riches you are storing up!

For nia: sweet healing from the only one who can heal her heart, an understanding of spiritual truths, an understanding of the gospel story and how it plays out in confession/restoration, a soft heart to desire His change, a love for her family, a grateful heart for ALL God has done for her, peace, joy in the midst, time to think and an ability to see her own heart clearly, an unreal ability to feel God's presence and pursuit.

Angel, we are going through the SAME exact thing with our adopted Liberian son. He is 7. Those fits sure are LOUD! It IS so hard to stay emotionally neutral. It helps to know we are not alone. Praying that things calm down in both of our households. You can email me if you want (mommamouro@yahoo.com) just to vent or whatever. It helps me to talk about it with others who went through it or are going through it.

About Us

We are a family with 3 biological boys and 3 adopted girls. We homeschool, drive a big white 15-passenger van, don't have cable because we'd never speak to each other if we did, love coffee, love books, and try to live in God's grace as much as possible, cause we sure do need it.