We had a snow day today and so I sat at home with a house full of kids and thought…hmmm maybe I should see if C’s recruiter is available to talk today. I sent an email she responded and we set up a time when I could ship the kids downstairs and talk in peace. I was nervous it was all so real, yeah silly I admit but seemed so much more real now. My hands and voice were shaking when I saw the number on the caller ID and knew it was the recruiter.

I expected a sales pitch from her, I really did. She is after all a recruiter, she WANTS C to have a home and basically I assumed she would sell hard. We to some extent that did happen. She gave me a long spiel but in that spiel I heard a few things that interested me. She repeated numerous times that she wanted me to make an informed decision so she was sending ALL information. She wanted me to know I had full access to any team member and that all of them are willing to talk to me about anything. She wanted to be sure I had no questions going forward. I did NOT expect those messages. She then told me a story about C that almost made me cry….

Last month was hard for C. She was matched her but her ICPC did not go through (California). She then had her case worker of 7 years retire. She then had her favorite house staff go on maternity leave. (In my head I thought whatever actually happened C was entitled to a meltdown). C went into her room and cried. She threw her things around yelled and screamed then came out and talked to staff. It happened twice.

I heard myself say out loud to the worker “She is entitled to do that. She had the right to lose it all” and then I caught myself. I am not sure that would be well received though I did think it. The worker went on and continued by saying she would send me the WHOLE record so I could make an informed decision. She mentioned she was concerned I might be afraid of earlier behaviors but I laughed and said “9 years of foster parenting I don’t scare easy” and she laughed and said “but some is significant but please remember the dates” Again the honesty is appreciated but I am not majorly concerned.

The conversations ended and I contacted my parish rector as matters of this importance come with spiritual concerns. Again I questioned is it God’s will or selfish desire and he laughed saying it would be hard to tell. He asked me a ton of background questions and some of my other concerns and I answered best I could. He was quiet for a minute than asked if he could talk to his wife about this. He asked the time frame and I told him none and he said he would be in contact but would talk to his wife before talking to me again. I agreed as I need to think this through too and don’t want a hasty decision.

So more information but more questions so time for serious prayers and listening for answers.