But at the end, she put the gnocchi in the freezer and said she was going to keep and and that she was going to make the sauce.

I tried three times to say, "I can take it home," "I want to take it home." She said, "believe me, you'll have enough to do that day without having to cook gnocchi too."

I guess I could have insisted more firmly, or just gotten them out and taken them.But I didn't want to be unpleasant, and I was getting the impression that she was feeling sort of territorial. So, we'll have gnocchi, but it won't really be mine.

Then, she was quizzing me on the menu, and it sort of felt like she was checking up on me. I tried to push that feeling away. At one point she said, "Do you need plates, or platters, or bowls?" (I'm thinking, "you've seen my house, w/ the overstuffed china cabinet--what??")

She asked me if I was going to make stuffing. And waved the StoveTop box in front of me three or four times. I told her I wasn't sure if people in the family actually *ate* it. Eventually she said, "Oh, yes, a few of them will." (But if I make stuffing, I'm not going to use StoveTop--I'm playing in the kitchen, so I'm being selective about what I'll do easily or the hard way.)

Then she said, "Do you need a tablecloth?"I confess--I kind of snapped. I said, "Noni, I'm 52 years old, and I have throw parties and had dinners for lots of people people. I have everything I need." Then I felt bad bcs it turns out someone gave her two tablecloths that she doesn't really like and won't use, and she was just trying to give them a purpose in life. (of course, *I* don't want brown tablecloths either.) So I said, "I have tablecloths that I like."

So it was fun, but I found myself really shutting down--I decided not to mention that I was going to go buy some more flatware. Instead of a conversation about how fun to get to buy silverware, she'd have been pushing for me to borrow from her.

Honestly, sometimes I feel like a 3yo.

So I'm not going to ask her how to make turkey gravy. It would be too much advice.

As it is, I'm realizing that I'm going to have to be firm about keeping people out of the kitchen, especially the aunts. There's all this discussion right now w/ MIL about who's going to bring what, and it's irritating me and (most important) scattering my concentration.

See this is interesting because it seems to me that things are playing out like I thought they might - the older generation is a little miffed/hurt at being excluded from contributing to the dinner. This way your MIL can tell herself that she is following your wishes because you helped make the gnocchi but she still gets to contribute by making the sauce. I know you aren't happy but to me it seems like a pretty good compromise.

See this is interesting because it seems to me that things are playing out like I thought they might - the older generation is a little miffed/hurt at being excluded from contributing to the dinner. This way your MIL can tell herself that she is following your wishes because you helped make the gnocchi but she still gets to contribute by making the sauce. I know you aren't happy but to me it seems like a pretty good compromise.

Yeah, that's probably right.

She also brought up 3 times that one of the aunts wants to know what she can bring.

"Oh Aunt, is being silly, just being there is enough" And if you want to circumvent MIL's interference...either make your own sauce or decline to serve the gnocchi when she brings it. Either way have you DH talk to her about this

I'm going to have to stop myself from saying, when MIL says, "These are Toots' gnocchi," "No, actually, they're not. You did the kneading, you cooked them, you made the sauce. Absolutely the only thing I was allowed to do myself was to cut them into pieces and shape them, like a toddler. I really can't claim them. They're MIL's"

I'm going to have to stop myself from saying, when MIL says, "These are Toots' gnocchi," "No, actually, they're not. You did the kneading, you cooked them, you made the sauce. Absolutely the only thing I was allowed to do myself was to cut them into pieces and shape them, like a toddler. I really can't claim them. They're MIL's"

Maybe "Well, I helped a little, but MIL did most of the work." said with a smile?

I'm going to have to stop myself from saying, when MIL says, "These are Toots' gnocchi," "No, actually, they're not. You did the kneading, you cooked them, you made the sauce. Absolutely the only thing I was allowed to do myself was to cut them into pieces and shape them, like a toddler. I really can't claim them. They're MIL's"

Maybe "Well, I helped a little, but MIL did most of the work." said with a smile?

If you made it at her house, why would you expect to take it home? Is there a backstory here I'm missing?

I don't know if I consider it a backstory, but the OP is having Thanksgiving at her house for the first time this year and her ordeal has been the topic of a couple of recent threads, in one her husband wanted gnocchi but she didn't know how to make it, another one was about how to keep the older generation from contributing to the meal (as was previously their custom.)

Toots, are you doing a turkey too? Some show-stopper that can be just "yours?"

Yep, doing a turkey and a ham (both of which have her seal of approval).

I'm learning something important about myself, which is that I am MUCH more like an "I'll do it myself" 3yo than I want to be, but also that it's futile to try to "jolly myself out of it," and that if I host Thanksgiving in another year (bcs now that it's moving around, I think there's a determination to *keep* it moving around), I need to just state from the very beginning: "I'm not discussing the menu with anyone. It'll be a surprise."

Gravy has never been my fortay, but i found a very easy and tasty recipe that works like a dream. Let me know if you want it.

This will be my first year of gravy, and I can't ask my mom, because she died in January. And I will *not* ask my MIL. Just because *I* won't enjoy the dynamic. So I asked a couple of ladies from church, and I went online. But I'd love your recipe!