French Fries

How much is inside an order of fries?
No one knows. They arrive in an odd-shaped paper scoop, devoid of graduations or other markings,
strategically misnamed to confuse the conscientious consumer.

On Saturday I headed to Daniel's house and we found out.

We drove to Burger King on San Francisco's Market Street & picked up a medium, large, and extra-large order of fries. The "medium" fries is their small size, so you are welcome to call the medium "small" and the large "medium", just be sure you make plenty of air-quotes with your fingers when you order.

Contrary to popular belief, when you get 3 orders, they don't ask you if you want fries with that. In fact, I think the guy at the counter was worried about our health.

We had to get the fries to Daniel's house for measurements, but we simultaneously
realized that trying to keep a hot order of french fries intact would be a very difficult task.

Indeed, in the late 1960s, the citizens of McDonaldland recognized a growing "fry guy" theft problem that was getting out of control, despite the best efforts of Big Mac Policeman. It was during those troubled times that 3rd District City Councilman McCheese
started his rise through the ranks to become the international icon he is today.

After we got the fries, we headed to the supermarket and bought two jumbo potatoes...and some beer. We were whisked right through the "Irishman" checkout line.

By the time we got back into the car, the Burger King fries had changed.

A simple drop in temperature had transformed the delicious fries into disgusting logs of oil-saturated potato pulp. It was amazing!

Brooke called it a metamorphosis. She is always throwing that term
around.

First we counted the fries.

Here are the results:

Medium

US$1.49

55 fries

Large

US$1.79

58 fries

Ex-large

US$2.09

101 fries

There were also six renegades in the bottom of the sack.

That
is right, the large size only had 3 more fries than the medium size.
Weird.

Here I am posing with the them, now known as the "Quirky 58".

While
Brooke and I were busy counting, Daniel began cutting a batch of
hand-crafted fries.

We wanted to see how many fries we could get out of the 11.6oz (329g)
potato.

She probably figured out the standard deviation too, but you will have
to ask her about that yourself.

Here's a photo of Daniel carving up the spud. He got that one
right in the eye!

Daniel's
Olde-Style Homemade, Hand-Crafted Buccaneer-style Pan-Fried Gourmet Salty
Potatoes usually sell for US$20-$30 per dozen, but for our research he
agreed to cut that price in half.

I hear that most fast-food joints use a quick-formed extruded potato
mush for their fries, but you would never be able to tell just by looking
at them. They even make the ends look like they were cut right off the
root.

After
all that frying, Brooke and me were noticing how weird everything
looked.

Next
time you are in the drive-thru, and you are about to order the extra-large
fries, keep in mind that it is the same amount of food as a whole giant
potato...and a pinch of salt...and 4 barrels of oil.