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Bye bye Seattle! We join the chefs right after Josie’s departure, as Brooke takes deep breaths to recover from her narrow survival. OTV continues his image rehabilitation by telling her and Lizzie that they were way better chefs than Josie and deserved to be there. Padma and Tom interrupt the scene – prompting an adorable, “oh hi” from Brooke – and tell the chefs that Washington State is going to be no more. We are heading to the 49th state. The home of Rob Morrow and Janine Turner. The site of weird Russell Crowe hockey movies. The place where Sarah Palin can see Russia from her house. Seward’s Folly. The great state of Alaska. Wheeeee!

The best part is that the chefs are taking a cruise up north. Admission…I REALLY want to take a cruise to Alaska. That sounds incredibly awesome. This is a Celebrity Cruise – which is less awesome. I can’t think of something less interesting than taking a cruise with D-level celebrities. I don’t want to share a table with a Big Brother runner-up, a Real Housewife of New Jersey and the wacky neighbor from According to Jim. Of course, when discussing cruise ships, I show my age by instantly going to The Love Boat for references. Love. Exciting and new. Come aboard. We’re expecting you.

All of the action takes place on the boat this week, much to Brooke’s chagrin. It seems she has an irrational fear of boats. I am guessing she watched Titanic too many times when she was a teenager. She wants to overcome this fear because her kid has started to express the same fear. Kids are great that way – they don’t listen to the wise crap you try to relay, but they pick up on your phobias. Or in the case of my kid, piggyback on your illnesses. I am dealing with a foot injury right now that has put my doggie in a brace. The other day, my boy saw my brace and after about three beats told me about how his ankle was hurting.

But enough about me, we have old photos of Stefan the Thumb to look at! We also have more bizarre stories of his upbringing. It seems his mom dropped him off at an Army base from time to time – you know, the dreaded Finnish Army – and would say, “have a good effing time, pick you up in eight months.” Someone needs to write The Stefan Movie. Hire the dude that played Charlotte’s husband in Sex And The City to play him. Not that I ever watched that show, of course.

My favorite part of the episode was the dinner the chefs enjoyed together at the on ship fancy restaurant, Q’sine. Cute. This was the kind of acid trip restaurant I could see Chris “Glasses” Jones from last season develop. Bizarro little tapas served in funky dishes and other plating vessels. By the way, Plating Vessels has one hell of a debut album. This restaurant looked like it would be tons of fun – where else are you going to get a sushi lollipop? I bet Thumb laments he never thought of that combo. Chocolate Tombstone? That’s the Plating Vessels’ first single.

But the best part was how the conversation devolved quickly into a trash talk medley between the chefs. OTV got it rolling by needling Brooke – “Keep not listening to me, Fried Chicken.” HA! First and only time in history, “Fried Chicken” has been used as a nickname and an insult at the same time. Thumb calls him “breakfast sushi.” OTV even hilariously starts to sing a version of the Hangover song, “Five best friends ever…” It was a very endearing moment for all of them – while many viewers want to see the contestants scuffle with each other, I am more interested and fascinated by the dynamic which brings them together. Think about these five – Lizzie from South Africa, Papa Smurf from Hawaii, Thumb from Finland, Brooke from Southern California and OTV from Oklahoma. They have nothing culturally in common – except for food and this show. They have only known each other for a few weeks, but they interact like the cast of St. Elmo’s Fire. It’s one of the reasons I love this form of reality television.