Nation still searching for Fred Goodwin’s redeeming feature

The fruitless search for Fred Goodwin’s redeeming feature continues unabated today, after revelations that he had an affair with a senior colleague whilst still boss of RBS.

A further super-injunction was partially lifted after a peer in the House of Lords accidentally on purpose used Parliamentary privilege to mention Goodwin’s affair, causing further despair for his supporter.

Search team leader Mike Jones told us “The search is difficult because Fred is such a private man. All these super injunctions he’s taken out suggest he’s probably also hiding that elusive redeeming feature somewhere really good.”

“It’s not like we’re not looking for it – trust me, we are. We’ve interviewed colleagues, neighbours, business acquaintances and family members, but so far we’ve come up empty.”

“There was a rumour he’d bought a Big Issue once, but it turns out he didn’t actually pay for it.”

Fred Goodwin’s latest super injunction

With funding running low, Jones has been encouraged to give up the search, but insists all profits from his latest book will go towards the continuing search for Goodwin’s redeeming feature.

“I got the idea from the McCanns. If they can get funding to keep looking for a little girl who has been missing for four years, then I don’t see why I should give up my search for a redeeming feature that no-one has ever seen.”

“Just because everything thinks it doesn’t exist, and we’ve yet to see a shred of evidence in support of it, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t dedicate my life to finding it.”

“The Search for Goodwin’s Good Side is out in all rubbish bookshops now, and we hope you’ll support our efforts by treating yourself to a copy.”

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