In trying to pare down our wedding invitation list I’m stressed about not inviting people who I work with and friends from college and high school whom I don’t see any longer. Just because I went to a friend’s wedding do I have to invite them to mine? What do I do about the people I see in the office five days a week?

–Name Withheld

Take control of your wedding invitation list early on.

As long as you gave a wedding present to that old friend whose wedding you celebrated, you have reciprocated that friend’s invitation and you are not obligated to invite him or her.

Should you run into one of these old friends and they want to know about your wedding, say that it is (or was) a small wedding and leave it at that. She knows you sent her a wedding gift.

Not all friends in your workplace would feel comfortable at your wedding where they won’t know many of the other guests. Here’s how to handle friends and coworkers not being invited to your wedding.

What you don’t want to do is talk about your wedding plans. Especially don’t look for advice. If you’re asking one of your coworkers to go wedding dress shopping with you after work because she has an “in” at a bridal boutique, you’re going to have to invite her. People who do favors might expect to be invited.

The word will get out that you’re having a wedding and you’ll have to tell those coworkers whom you’re inviting that it is a small wedding and you could not invite everyone. Because you don’t want any hurt feelings you’re asking those invited to not discuss your wedding with anyone at your office.

When a coworker you haven’t invited gives you a wedding gift, possibly because she wants an invitation, or more than likely because she is genuinely pleased for you, take her for lunch or coffee and explain that you can’t invite everyone to your small wedding and that you hope she’ll understand. Be sure to send her a sweet thank-you note.

Be careful of what you say over drinks after work. Don’t go inviting coworkers to your wedding you know you don’t have room for or whom you will regret having asked.

Wedding invitation images courtesy of

The Printery, Oyster Bay, New York

~Didi

Enjoy this post? Share it with others.

Please give us a try and subscribe to the NewportManners.com newsletter!

As you’ve shown an interest in Newport Manners & Etiquette, Didi Lorillard thought you may wish to subscribe. You can easily unsubscribe at any time. Thank you ever so much!