A story needs to submerge the reader in the story and emotions in the life of the protagonist; it needs to flow to grab the reader and good grammar is also a must. This is an example of a story not flowing (plus some grammar mistakes):

We delivered to Shlomo. He couldn’t believe how fast we did it. He couldn’t believe we also did the GIA certificates the way we did. He paid us in cash — $35,000. I took, $17,500. He gave us more work.