Stop negative thinking, but how?

I've been single for years and I only met the "player" kind of guy. I met a guy recently, we went out, it went great, it went all great. We text everyday, he's giving me sweet nicknames, on our first date he brought me a rose and we just really clicked.

But my confidence is like...ZERO, seriously. I've been cheated on, I've been played, ... so my trust in people (men in general) is also zero. So now with a couple of little things he does or doesn't do, I see a negative thing behind it. Like I saw him this week and I wanted to see him again this weekend, we texted yesterday saying he's too tired to go out and I said that's allright, we can meet up later this week. He said we'd definitely do that. Today I went to a friend and he said he'd go for a drink with some mates, and I texted him if he was around and he said he didn't know what he'll do tonight, probably to a friend to watch football.

So now I'm all thinking: oh, he doesn't wanna see me.

So you know, I'm thinking all these negative things, just because I don't dare trust him. It's driving me crazy! The first bits of falling in love or liking someone should be fun and exciting, but for me it's driving me crazy! The insecurty of does he want me or doesn't he want me? Is he playing me? ... ugh!

What Guys Said 2

Your past is definitely a reason that you're acting this way but you're not even considering another large factor which is that you're planning something with this guy. You have expectations, both positive and negative. My advice is to stop having them. Don't assume that he'll cheat and you'll break up. Also don't assume that he'll be as good as gold and you'll end up marrying the guy. Don't expect anything. Don't hope for anything. Don't assume anything. That's how you enjoy your life and the relationships that come into it. Thinking, as much as it can be a good thing, can just as easily be a bad thing.

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Asker

I know, and I don't want to think the good nor the bad, I just do. I'm just done with being played or whatever and I would love it to finally meet a good guy. I'm not good at all this stuff (I should become a nun or something, haha).

I haven't been in this place like dating for a long time and I don't know how it works anymore, sounds stupid but it's the way it is. I don't feel good about myself, never have, so being rejected would be a bit too much again to take and I don't want it, so..mh

I can see where you're coming from but the only way is to stop thinking that way. Instead of viewing being treated badly as a bad thing, see it as "That's one more a**hole crossed off of my list! Time to find Mr. Right!". I know what you mean about becoming a nun too, lol. I've literally given up on girls for the next 5-7 years or so. I don't seem to understand girls my age at all. Remember that saying "No one can love you if you don't love yourself."? You must figure out how to love yourself.

Yeah, I've been thinking about that too today. I get treated bad because I let them treat me that way, and I let them treat me that way because I don't think I deserve to be treated good because I don't love myself. I have some serious selfloving to do! lol, thank you!

You sound like the girl that waits and maybe wallflowers until someone pays you some serious attention. You've set the bar up high, and only the players are good enough to julp it. WHy not try a different sport , where you choose the guy and pursue it until you get the answer you are looking for.