I am the founder of two successful leadership development firms, Novations and Zenger Folkman. Through the years I’ve developed a unique, proven method to improve organizations and develop employees by building on strengths. My specialty lies in behavioral statistics. I have built and administered more than 500,000 360-degree assessments on some 50,000 leaders across the globe. My 30 years of expertise in survey research and change management has led me to engagements with some of the largest organizations in the world including AT&T, General Mills, General Motors, Conoco Phillips, & Boeing. Additionally, my research has appeared in publications including The Wall Street Journal's National Business Employment Weekly, CNN, Fox News, Harvard Business Review, CBS News, Training and Development Magazine, and Chief Learning Officer. I have authored and co-authored seven books on leadership development including the best seller The Extraordinary Leader: Turning Good Managers into Great Leaders.

From here forward, however, I’ll be sharing data and insights on business and leadership with the Forbes community directly as a contributor to the Entrepreneurs channel. In that light, I’d like to delve into one of our research topics that’s getting quite a bit of attention of late:

Feedback.

Our recent blog article for HBR (and subsequent interview with CNN) notes that not only is it what you say and how you say it, the ratio of positive feedbacks to constructive criticisms is also a critical key. Research from academics Emily Heaphy and consultant Marcial Losada points to an ideal ratio of 5.6 (nearly 6) positive inputs for every critique. Interestingly, author and expert John Gottman points to a similar ratio for success in marriage, with 5 positives to every negative being the average for marriages that have lasted, compared to 3 praises for every 4 negative feedbacks in those that have failed.

While many emphasized the need to give more positive feedback, what is clear in every study is that there is a need for constructive feedback. In our own research, leaders who had fatal flaws and received a significant amount of negative but constructive feedback show an improvement of 33 percentile points. That shift was larger than those who receive more positive feedback. Most people can identify a negative comment as the impetus for taking action and personal improvement.

Clearly, all feedback – and especially negative feedback, when handled appropriately, is critical to success. However, delivery is vital (as every marriage partner can surely attest!) Directness is welcome, but personal attacks, temper, bullying and belittling is never successful, even (and especially) when under the guise of “for your own good.”

In that spirit, I’ve put out a bid and assembled a Top 7 List of the Best and Worst Critiques to receive from a boss. These are taken from real world incidents. Please feel free to add to my own lists in the comment stream. If there is sufficient interest, I’ll provide a follow-up article to continue the conversation as well. Here goes:

Worst Critiques

Nobody trusts you! Has this person done a global survey and checked with everyone on the face of the earth? My guess is that some people trust this person, some don’t and others don’t care. In an effort to attempt to prove the point many people try to include others in their personal perception. A much better critique would be this: “I don’t trust you and here are some specific reasons why.”

You’re fine – no problem – just keep on doing what you are doing. This is not a critique so there should not be a problem. 60% of the time that is true, but 40% of the time this person is merely leading you on and is afraid to honestly tell you the truth.

You always or never ____________! Once again this is a clear over estimate. While the person giving the critique is trying hard to get you to understand the importance of the issue, rather than accepting the feedback, the recipient will most often expend their energy in proving that the “always” or “never” is not true.

Everyone thinks you _____________! Wow, this person can read minds. They know what other people are thinking. When you are guessing the motives, thoughts or opinions of others, you are invariably on dangerous ground.

Look, I am your boss, just do what I say and you will be fine! This is like giving a credit card to a teenager and saying, “don’t spend too much.” No one else can (or should) presume they are able to manage your career for you.

You only care about yourself. You are completely self absorbed! Can another person really know how you feel and understand your motives?

It’s obvious from your question that you don’t understand anything about this issue! In one remark, this person has determined your total ignorance. Most people hearing this feedback will immediately want to prove that they are not totally ignorant. In actual fact, asking questions is an excellent way to learn.

Best Critiques

When you do ___________ it makes me feel _________. This is specific information that is targeted at an action or event. The remark is focused only on the speaker’s reaction, and doesn’t attribute motive or opinion to others.

Help me understand. Rather that assuming, ask people why they acted in a particular way. Often you will fine their motive is much different than you expected.

My assumption is that your intention was to help in that situation, but here is my perception of how that came across. Assuming positive intent is the best way to being a corrective conversation. If people took the time to fully understood our intentions when providing feedback, they would probably view us much more positively, and the feedback given would be far more applicable and useful (and would also be more positively received.)

I would really like to give you the highest performance raking possible but I can’t. Would you like to know why? Some people assume that others are trying to hold them back from succeeding. Letting people know that you are on their side can be a very positive start.

When you did ______________ here is what I noticed, my assumption is that _____________. Be specific about the behavior, talk about your specific reaction and then state that you assume this was the impact. In cases where you are speculating about the reactions of others, it is helpful to explicitly state that this is your assumption, rather than dispensing the information as “the cold hard facts”.

I realize you have a lot on your plate, but this needs to be your number one priority. Everyone is busy and at least a bit overwhelmed. Most people would have done things differently if they had the time, resources or skills. Helping people prioritize is a critical skill.

I noticed your efforts to do ___________. That’s a good start, but you did not hit the target yet. It’s very discouraging when people try and fail. Simply telling them they failed again may cause them to give up.

In summary, feedback is vital. Critical feedback, in particular, is both necessary and appropriate. When your motive is to help people improve, however, the way you deliver the critical message is key.

I look forward to your input, and most especially, as you look at the lists I’ve selected, I look forward to hearing your additional thoughts.

Would you like to reach me directly? I’m @JoeFolkman on Twitter, or you can find me at www.ZengerFolkman.com.

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Comments

Thank you, Devin! I’ve actually been contributing indirectly for quite a while, in collaboration with Jack Zenger – but I’m excited to speak out individually as well, within Leadership and Entrepreneurs. This is definitely a critical arena and I look forward to some great ongoing dialogues within the Forbes readership base. Thanks very much for your note! Regards, Joe

Good article, but having worked in the garment center and for lawyers, I’ve heard far worse criticisms and had them said in with far greater negative impact. If the above were the worst things I’ve ever heard said, I’d be counting my great fortune!

The critiques are very good ones and show thoughtfulness on the part of the speaker. So important to frame feedback – positive or negative – in the right way.

Tom, I recall seeing some of your comments, in fact, as I was compiling my research. They were doozies. But as I pulled the elements together for this article I decided to focus on the general themes that seem to come up again and again. Clearly you’ve had some (ahem) interesting bosses in your past. I’m betting the experience has schooled you well, though likely not in the ways those bosses expected or intended. Thanks very much for your note. Regards, Joe

Those comments I passed along were nearly all from the worst-case scenario companies that people never seem to want to talk about. I was hopeful that those ends of the “business world” might, for once, be addressed as they long for someone to blow the dust out. I’ve also worked at places more in line with the sort of comments you mentioned. Not for profits and product-based organizations – like American Express, as one example – tend to provide feedback in the manner as you mention in the article. While the politics are the same, you rarely if ever get screamed or cursed at.

I honestly cannot say which is better – in the garmento-type world, although “interesting” people abound, there IS a sense of forthright, straight up communication with less of a political, back-stabbing system. You wind up battling on an almost daily basis, but the lines are clear as to who wants what and why.

In the more outwardly polite world of business, while people may all appear to be friendly, if there is any sort of competitiveness going on (particularly when it comes to the upper management) then it is a free-for-all behind people’s backs. If not, organizations like Coursera would have little if anything to offer.

I just started one of their classes about Intelligent Leadership – you just would NOT believe THOUSANDS of horror stories…far worse than any I shared.

Another prism through which to read this article: The “worst critiques” are the utterances of bosses, those with authority but not the sophistication, skills, nor inclination to be effective leaders who speak the “best critiques” as naturally as their native language.

Jacqueline, what an insightful comment – I read it twice to be sure that I understood you correctly, but you are absolutely right. A skilled and highly successful leader should give excellent critiques as instinctively and naturally as they speak their own native tongue. And within that prism, it is clear that many current leaders are badly lacking in these capabilities, at a terrible cost to their companies as well as to their employees. Thank you very much for your note. Regards, Joe

My pleasure, Joe. There’s been some compelling work done around boss vs. leader communication styles and how they impact employee engagement, productivity, and organizational culture. Your article seemed to fit right in! Looking forward to reading more from you. Thanks for a great read.