I blog for many reasons, one of which is to remember. I want to remember the good, the bad, the light and the darkness. I want to remember the days of pain, because pain is never wasted. Never.

The following post is just that. It is me putting down my thoughts about what we are walking right now and what this past month has looked like for our family.My purpose is only to point people to Jesus. To tell His story through our lives.

This picture was taken on the morning of January 7th.

Around 1:30, I received a phone call that I will replay in my head every single day, sometimes several times a day. It’s there when I close my eyes at night. It was the sound of fear and panic, telling me that there was an accident. The call was from my husband.

The weekend was going to be special. My friend, Celia, flew in from Pennsylvania to attend a Plexus event with our team. We had a huge team dinner planned after our event. Mark and Tristyn were heading to the deer lease. She hasn’t been able to go very much this season because of her school and volleyball schedule. They were so excited about their weekend. They were especially looking forward to itbecause they invited friends to join them.

I spent most of my morning visiting with friends, one of which was my best friend, Jana, who was also at the Plexus meeting. It was her husband and two of their daughters who went to the deer lease with Mark and Tristyn.

About 1.5 hours into the meeting, I noticed I had missed a call from my dad and then my husband called. I declined his call because I was in a meeting. My first thought was how odd it was that Mark would call me. He knew I was in a meeting. I began to worry that something might have happened to my elderly grandmother. Why else would my dad andthen Mark call?

I texted Mark to make sure everything was okay.No response. I waited and began to text again. A voicemail came through. My heart dropped. In 25 years, Mark has rarely left me a message. I stepped outside to call him back. When he answered I could tell he was outside. It was loud. His voice was trying to remain calm, but he didn’t sound like himself. Mark is always calm and never wants to rattle me. He is a rock.This was not that kind of call. He was panicked. I heard fear.“Kim, there’s been an accident. Get Jana, and get to our house. Now.” Somewhere in the conversation, he told me that my dad would pick us up to take us to the little town where the deer lease was located. I asked over and over what happened? Was it the girls? Were they alive? But, he didn’t tell me. He was panicked and his voice was starting to yell. In all of my life, I’ve never heard him like that. I remember begging him to tell me if Tristyn was alive. He wouldn’t.

I went back into the meeting, found Jana and we headed out. Jana went to her car and I went to mine.

It was a 30 minute drive from the meeting to my house. It was only by God’s strength that I was able to make the drive. Once I arrived at my house, my dad was waiting for me. It was then that I found out the three girls, Tristyn, Sara and Ally,were in a UTV and were hit by a truck. We didn’t know anything else.

I also found out that instead of heading to the little town, we were heading to Parkland Hospital. Tristyn was being transferred by Careflight. All I could do was pray. My dad drove and I sat next to him and prayed. The drive felt like hours. We didn’t know if Tristyn was alive. We knew nothing. I knew why people went to Parkland. Parkland is one of the best trauma hospitals in the nation. I knew that it had to be horrible if they were taking Tristyn there.

It was during the drive that I got a call from Jana’s sister, Amber, telling me that they were heading to the little town. Oh how my heart leapt. The other girls must be okay. They don’t have to go to Parkland. Then, Amber told me that Ally, Jana’s 16 year old daughter, was gone.A month later I still can’t believe it. To even write those words make me sick.

Now that I look back, I was in shock. I was numb. I’m not sure I was able to process anything. How can a day change so quickly?

We arrived at the hospital before Tristyn. Several people were already there waiting for me. I didn’t know how they knew, but I was thankful for their presence. I knew they were praying. Security took us to a special area-the trauma area.

We waited, still not knowing anything. We didn’t know if Tristyn was alive.

I was torn on focusing and praying for Tristyn and grieving for Jana.

The next several hours were a blur, but the careflight finally landed. She was admitted to the trauma department. The careflight guy told me that she had broken legs, possibly a broken pelvis and internal bleeding. She also had a severe blow to the head. It didn’t matter. She knew her name. She was responsive.

They let me go back to see her for a minute. I’ll never forget walking into a room with my little girl laying on the hospital bed. She looked like Tristyn, but then again, she didn’t. She was covered in blood, dirt, grass, and scrapes. She asked about Sara and Ally. We couldn’t tell her anything. I still didn’t know what happened.

Doctors and nurses were everywhere.They moved so fast, on a mission, while my baby lay on a bed, covered in only blankets and iv’s. Tears slipped out of her eyes a few time, but mostly she was brave and strong. She told me later that she knew I was there but couldn’t see me.

After several hours of X-rays, tests, stitching up her head, they took her into surgery to repair the compound fracture in her right leg. She was in surgery for over 2 hours. The rest of the evening was a blur.

I found out that our girls were in a UTV, when a truck hit them from behind. He never saw them.

We spent the next 24 hours in ICU and the next 9 days in the hospital. I remember crawling into our makeshift bed that night a few feet from Tristyn. I wanted to cry and scream, but nothing came. Mark wouldn’t leave Tristyn’s side. Finally around 2:00 am, I closed my eyes. I think I “slept” 2 hours, waking up to Mark still staring at Tristyn. I understand why. It is a miracle that she is alive.

Here’s my first facebook post that I wrote that morning around 6:00am:

“As I sit here this morning, the fog of yesterday is beginning to lift. They told us to “try” to get some rest, that today we would need it even more. How is that even possible?

How does one mom rejoice when her daughter’s life was spared, when your best friend is grieving the loss of her daughter?

How do you tell your daughter what happened to her friends? How do you move forward when your grief is deeper than anything you’ve ever felt?

How does one morning of laughing with friends turn into this nightmare?

I sit here listening to Tristyn’s breathing and I’m hanging on to each breath. I’ve never been more thankful for that sound. I stare at her face knowing that my baby is there, beneath the swelling, scrapes and bruises. The nights of dance parties in the kitchen and Gilmore Girls marathons seems like it was in another lifetime

We know that bones, bruises, and cuts heal but the emotional trauma and hurt is deeper. Tristyn has the most gentle heart of anyone I know. In the next few days, we will have to tell her things and she may begin to remember. (She has asked but we were instructed to not tell her anything yet.) Please continue to pray. She will learn to walk with broken legs and begin therapy soon. I know they told me of other doctors that she will see, trauma drs and head drs, but I can’t remember.

Friends, thank you for every visit, phone call, message, text and FB post. I’ve read every single one. I cried all night long reading them. Right now, I’m not able to respond. We feel your prayers and we feel loved. I’m not just saying that. We have already seen countless miracles. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

For those of you praying, we ask specifically that you pray:*for Tristyn’s healing, no further surgeries, and no infections*that God would be glorified in our brokenness*that this would draw us even closer to our Savior and point other’s to Jesus. My purpose is always to know Him and make Him known. *for Mark*for the doctors and nurses at Parkland-and wisdom on what is needed for Tristyn*mostly for our precious friends, Steve and Jana, and their family (Emma, Sara, Amber, Jonathon, Connie and Tim) We love them all and wish we could hold them and be with them during this time *for Sara’s complete healing

“And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

Friends, this post is already way too long. I’ll post about the following days in the next post.

I can’t mention all of this without mentioning Ally. I’m not going to share her story or her sister, Sara’s, story (but I will say that Sara, too, is a miracle!) That is for their mom and dad. I will encourage you to search Facebook with the hashtag #AllysLegacy. You will see a young girl, with wonderful parents, who raised her to love Jesus. She lived her life to the fullest and loved Jesus without abandon. You will also find countless stories of people giving their life to Jesus. The world has forever been changed because of Ally. We will miss you.

Last month, my precious Tristyn turned 15. In true Tristyn fashion, she celebrated with a quiet evening with family and a couple of her Bible study friends. She doesn’t like big parties or being the center of attention. She invited her sisters to spend the night along with her friends. It was nice having all 3 of the girls home, which hasn’t happened in years because of their college schedule. Tori and Chad came in town. This was the first birthday Tori has celebrated with Tristyn in 4 years because of her college volleyball schedule. My mama’s heart was filled up to the tip top!

Tristyn is my summer baby. She loves swimming, riding bikes, and being outdoors. Her nose is sprinkled with the perfect amount of freckles, that she now hides with makeup. She is my right hand, my helper. If she says she will get the house ready for a party or a meeting, I don’t doubt her. She does things with excellence. She’s a chatty introvert. She prefers being at home and loves family with all of her heart. She is easy going and doesn’t get upset too often. She is tenderhearted, gentle, funny and has so much wisdom and discernment for a girl of 15.

I think when you are the baby of the family, you will always be the baby in mama’s heart. I handled her turning 14 like a champ, but for some reason 15 sounds so much older. She will be getting her permit to drive soon. She is now talking about college and what she wants to do when she grows up? What? Can we just stop for a second and catch our breath.

I love to look at each age and see what makes my girl’s heart skip a beat. I asked Tristyn for 15 of her favorite things and here are her answers….not in any particular order.

Jesus

family

Toby (okay, she said Toby first!)

Italian food (then proceeded to name every kind of italian food that fills her heart with joy)

makeup

volleyball

friends

fashion (I added this because she is a fashion queen)

hammocking

nature (she LOVES being outside)

reading (current favorite book is “To Kill a Mockingbird.”)

animals (She wants to rescue all strays. Unfortunately, Mark and I are her parents and we don’t have that kind of heart!0 😉

succulents

hunting

sushi

She made her own cake this year! Four layers….and it was absolutely beautiful.

“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.”

This summer flew by at record speed. We were able to sneak away to one of our favorite places, Lake Eufaula, a few times this summer.

My husband spent most of his childhood summers at his grandparents’ lake house. He has the very best memories of that place. Anytime we have a few days to get away (which isn’t often enough), this is where he wants to go. Mark’s mother, step-father, and grandmother live in the cabin now. We don’t get to see them as often as we like so it is always nice when we go for a few day to visit.

The cabin is nestled in a cove on Lake Eufaula and has been a part of Mark’s family since the early 70’s. The cabin is beautiful, but my favorite part is getting away from everything. The internet is touch and go and it’s difficult to get phone service, so I make sure to take my bathing suit and a good book!

Tristyn LOVES it. She took her best friend, Summer, this year. They swam, fished, picked wild flowers and blackberries, and road the golf cart ALL DAY LONG. They spent the majority of the days outside…being kids!!

Tristyn and her cousins stayed a week with their Grandparents this summer, too, …and had a blast. I heard they had dessert after every meal….even breakfast! 🙂 Another weekend, Tori and Chad, met us there for a few days. I can’t believe I didn’t get ONE picture of that weekend.

I love the fact that we have “a place” to go to. A place to relax. A place to be with family. A place to create memories that will last a lifetime for our kids, just like their daddy.

I’m sad to see summer end, but I’m thankful for all the wonderful memories we created this summer!

It’s still hard to grasp that my daughter is no longer “little girl.” It’s even harder to grasp that she is a senior in college, graduating me December. How did that even happen?

Now that Tristyn’s volleyball season is over, we took a few quick trips to Oklahoma to see Tori and Chad. Tori is finishing up her volleyball career and we wanted to catch a few of her games.

Tristyn and I took a quick trip and spent the day with Tori. We shopped, ate and just enjoyed being together.

Then the following week, Mark, Tristyn and I went to see Tori’s last home game. It was also her Senior night. I can’t tell you what a joy it has been watching her play volleyball for the past 11 years. She has overcome so much throughout her career. I’m beyond proud of who she is. I can’t believe it’s over. She is so much fun to watch! She has so much passion and intensity on the court.

August brings 100 degree temperatures, volleyball, back to school planning…but most importantly it’s brings my Tristyn’s birthday. She turned fourteen this year. How is it even possible that I my baby is 14? Tristyn feels our home with so much joy. I’m so thankful for her. I’m so glad we still have her at home and that I still get to homeschool her. She didn’t want a party this year but instead wanted to spend the day with her best friend and go shopping. We had a family dinner after her volleyball game.

When most people meet her they wonder if she ever talks….until they get to know her. (Seriously, she never stops talking!) She is an observer, quiet until she knows you, witty, sensitive, sweet and has such a huge heart.

I asked Tristyn to make a list of her favorite things. At 14, these are her current favorite things.

playing with Toby

spending time with our family

penny Boarding

bike riding

animals

swimming

spending time with friends

ice-cream

spaghetti

pad thai

laughing

mermaids

family get-togethers

Tristyn, you are a such joy! I love being your mom. Fourteen is such an amazing age. I know this year will be filled with so many wonderful memories. Daddy and I pray you will pursue Christ passionately. We pray you will love others well and always stand up for what is right. I hope your heart will remain sensitive. Surround yourself with friends who will sharpen you and run towards Christ with you. Remain pure of heart and guard your eyes and heart. Keep your eyes on Christ, read His word, write His words on your heart. Embrace life and live courageously.

I love you!

“She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.”

Last week we finished volleyball tryouts. For those of you that don’t know, I work with our middle school and high school girls volleyball program. For the past 2 months, the other coaches and I have been watching and evaluating the girls to see who will make the team. We run a very competitive program so not everyone makes the team. Now, comes the hard part…..deciding who makes the team. I’m not a fan of “participation awards” but I have to be honest, the part of making cuts is extremely difficult. Last night I lay in bed thinking about all the girls who tried out. I started praying for each one of them. So many young girls struggle with identity. How will this change them? Where does their identity come from? Where does their value come from? sports? friends? boys?

As I was laying in bed thinking, I was reminded of my own daughter, Taylor. Taylor has always been an athlete. She’s been involved in sports since she was 4 years old. She played competitive softball and volleyball, until one day everything changed. She went up for a block in volleyball, and when she hit the ground she tore her ACL. After going in for her ACL surgery, she ended up with 2 infections, 2 additional surgeries, a week stay in the hospital and a very long recovery. After counsel from her surgeon, she knew she wouldn’t return to volleyball and was unsure how she would play softball.

I remember her struggle, not just with the recovery from knee surgery, but also realizing she didn’t really know who she was. She struggled with how to fill her time. Who her friends were? What would she do if she didn’t play ball in college? I remember her coming to me one day saying, “I don’t even know who I am.” She had spent so much time focusing on being an “athlete” that she needed to re-learn her identity.

A few weeks before her injury, the Lord gave her a verse.

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

I remember her telling me that she wasn’t sure why He gave her the verse, but she knew that it was to be her verse during volleyball season. After her injury, she knew why He gave her the verse. She learned what it was like to cling to God’s word.

Mark and I were so wrapped up in the sports, as well, that we never noticed that it was her full identity. She had so much more to her than sports and it took her some time to realize that. I see her now as an amazing 23 year old woman and I can’t even imagine her playing volleyball now. She is so much more. Through that trial, she learned that she had a heart for young girls. She went on to help coach during her senior year, and during college she was a RA and also a counselor at Fall’s Creek Camp. She has since graduated college and is an ICU nurse. More than anything else, she knows who she is in Christ.

For years, I struggled with pleasing people and also being perfect. If only I would have realized that wasn’t my worth.

If you find yourself struggling with your identity, and oh my! don’t we all at times, I want to encourage you to do a few things.

1. Get your Bible and a notebook or journal. Ask God to reveal Himself to you and also who you are to Him.

2. Start memorizing scripture. I love the app “Scripture Typer” to help memorize.

Some of my favorite verses are:

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jer. 1:5

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.” Is. 43:1

“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” 1 Peter 2:9

” Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” 2 Cor. 5:17

“Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

3. Know that you are loved by an everlasting Father, not because of what you’ve done but because of WHO YOU ARE. Christ died for us. He wanted to have a relationship with you before you were even His child. ” But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

4. Journal scripture. Allow the Lord to speak to you through His word. Be still and listen to what He is telling you.

5. Keep reminding yourself who you are in Christ. It is so important that we realize who we are in Christ. If not, then we don’t believe God at His word. Our faith will be crippled. Satan would love nothing more than to keep reminding you of your past failures but you need to keep abiding in truth.

What’s a post without pictures? These pictures are when Taylor turned 23. I made her stand outside so I could get some birthday pictures. She’s so sweet to humor me!!

With the wedding over, I feel like I’m getting back to my old self. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I have a married daughter.That is so weird, especially since I’m only 25…..

I remember when Mark and I married. I remember working the phrase “my husband” into every sentence. It just had a nice ring to it! Honestly, it still does. I wonder how many times Tori works in “my husband” when she is talking to someone.

Tori and I have talked several times and she cracks me up. Every time I talk to her she lets me know how adorable Chad is, how hard of a worker he is, how he bought her flowers, and how he is so handsome. She loves being his wife. I love the adoration she has for him and pray that it will grow stronger every single day. Even though I miss her living in Texas, I love that they are cleaving to each other….that they are building their life together. I know how much she loves him, but I just smile knowing that when she is married 20 years her love will be even stronger. It will be even sweeter. I don’t think she realizes it…but a mama knows…because I didn’t think I could love Mark any more on my wedding day. But I was wrong.

I’ve looked at her bridal portraits so many times, trying to decide on a favorite. The wedding day was a blur, so I don’t really remember what she looked like. I remember her face when she walked down the aisle, but I don’t remember her hair or makeup. The funny thing is, I don’t even think I looked at the dress. It was her beaming face as she was walking towards her guy that stands out in my mind. Such a sweet memory.

All of her bridals were taken by Pharris Photos. Josh and Kariss were such a joy to work with!!

Tori came in this weekend for her “Texas” Bridal Shower. While she was here, she also had her first dress fitting. This whole wedding thing doesn’t seem real. Do I really have a daughter getting married in 38 days? Do we really have a wedding taking place in 38 days, and in the meantime I’ll host Thanksgiving, decorate for Christmas, shop for all of our Christmas gifts (because I haven’t even started), homeschool Tristyn and make sure I don’t have an emotional breakdown before Jan. 1?

Yes. I . do. 🙂

Okay, back to the shower….Tori’s bridesmaids threw her a precious shower. I’ve been going to showers for years and have thrown my fair share of showers for friends, but I never realized how much of a blessing it is for someone to throw your daughter and her sweet guy a shower. I ‘ve been blown away by people who have taken time out of their busy schedules to show up and love on my girl. It has meant the world to me for friends and family who have supported them, loved on them and those who jumped in to help us with the wedding. It has been a blessing by all the sweet messages I’ve received from friends who are as excited to share their special day as we are.

Tori wore the most adorable outfit ever to the shower. She knew this would be a “fun” shower so she wanted to dress like it. I’m in LOVE with her shoes!! Chad bought her the “wifey” shirt for her birthday.

The shower was a wonderful. Tori felt so loved by everyone there.

When you walked in, instead of signing a guestbook, you were asked to write your name on a rock and a word of encouragement to Tori and Chad. They will be able to keep the rocks and put them in a vase or place them around their house. I loved seeing what everyone wrote.

It was a joy seeing her friends show up. She has been friends with most of these girls since elementary and middle school.

The biggest hit was the photo booth. I think we stood there for an hour just taking pictures.

(Tori and her bridesmaids, except for Erin, who was still at school )

A huge thank you to all of our friends and family for making this day special.

Also, if you think about it, please pray for our family and Chad’s family this month. We have so much to do with the holidays and the wedding and also for Tori as she’s still in school.

My girl, Tori, turned 21 last month. We knew she wouldn’t be able to come home to celebrate her birthday because of her volleyball schedule and we couldn’t go see her because we were heading to Florida on her birthday. (Trip couldn’t be changed!) Birthdays are a big deal in our family so I planned to send Tori “21 Things on your Birthday” Care package. For all you mamma’s that have kids in college, this is a great way to celebrate them when miles separate you!! It totally surprised her which was even more special. She woke up at 6:00 am to open her gift and absolutely loved it!

Every time I went shopping, I would look for some of Tori’s favorite things, or things that reminded me of her. It was so much fun gathering different items. After everything was purchased, I labeled every item with a gift tag and a number. Some were serious and some were cheesy.

For example: smore’s candy bar: We love you s’more!Mint gum: you are a breathe of fresh air!Twizzlers Candy: You’re sweet!Pens: You have written on our hearts!Lipstick: Remember, lipstick makes everything better! Other items that I included: Nail polish, file, lip gloss, straws, bracelet, smash journal set, pancake mix, tea, lotion, washi tape, candy, and a cute colander for her new home. I put everything in a box. I also put in a card and Visa gift card for her “real” gift. I added a package of mini-party hats so she could wear that evening. I wrote a note explaining the gift, just in case she didn’t understand why everything was numbered. I think it was a great way to celebrate our sweet girl on her birthday!

Tori, you are beautiful inside and out. You brighten up a room when you enter. You’ve grown so much in the last several years and we are so proud of you. We love you so much!!

It never fails. I get so excited to start a new school year. This year was no different. I woke up at 5:30 a.m. I skipped my workout just so we wouldn’t fall behind schedule on the first day. (That will happen on day 2!) I got everything ready so our day would run as smooth as possible. I feel like it’s Christmas morning.

This is my eighteenth year homeschooling and I still LOVE it. I love new books, new lesson plans, new goals and a new beginning. I love my time with my kids. My homeschool “classroom” is my kitchen table and the only child around it this year is Tristyn. I love my one-on-one time with her.

Tristyn is going into the eight grade. Homeschooling isn’t for everyone but I thank the Lord it is for us. I only have 5 more years with Tristyn and I’m embracing each day! It can be challenging to cover every subject, but I look at homeschooling as teaching my kids to be life-long learners. I don’t want to just cram information down their throats, but I want them embrace learning. I want them to love learning. We aren’t all gifted Mathematicians, Spellers, etc….but we all have a gift. I want to help Tristyn find her gifts in addition to teaching her what she needs to know to prepare her for college. Above all, I want her to love the Lord, love truth, and love His word. I want her to look at the world through the eyes of Christ.

Here’s what we are doing this year:

History, Geography, Language Arts and Bible: Sonlight’s American History Core 100 – This is the core of our curriculum. This is an excerpt from the website, “Move chronologically to discover fascinating empires before Columbus. See why Benedict Arnold became a traitor. Meet the founding fathers who dared to create a Constitution that has become the model for countries around the world. Walk with courageous Sacajawea as she navigates the adventure of a lifetime. Survive WWII with a Japanese-American family in a California internment camp. See the daily struggles of normal African Americans who courageously changed history through the Montgomery Bus Boycott.

Core 100 takes you deeper into the complex fabric of American society. Meet Americans who lived such different lives: former slaves who established a new town in Canada, teenagers who fought in the Civil War, miners who searched for gold in the Idaho Territory, Chinese immigrants who tunneled through mountains, Irish immigrants who survived the Great Depression and more.”

Here are some of the books in Core 100.

Math: Teaching Textbooks Pre-Algebra

Science: Apologia Earth Science

Writing: Format Writing (co-op class)

Foreign Language: Latin 1 (Bob Jones)

P.E.: Volleyball 🙂

We will also focus on Current Events and my favorite…Homemaking (which I believe is a lost art.) Tristyn will learn to plan a menu, grocery shop and cook entire meals (just to name a few.) She’s actually an excellent baker and does most of the baking around the house right now. Once volleyball season is over, we also plan to volunteer in the community.

We couldn’t have first day of school pictures without a picture of Toby, could we? 🙂