Rick Perry Incompetent at Finding Jesus on Amistad Street

While touring the Midwest on the campaign trail, Rick Perry decided to take a detour to a fabled corner in the southern lands of America. A song speaks of a corner where the First path meets the road to Amistad.

According to mythical radiological manuscripts, 'God,' particularly Lord Jesus Christ, can be found where the two cross. The voices have claimed they have found Jesus themselves, but to this day, no one has attempted to make the journey to see if legends speak true. Rick hoped to be the first non-Fray adventurer to prove that Jesus is there, but unfortunately, he was not successful.

"God damnit," Rick Perry screamed at reporters when asked about his journey to the corner.

"Rick is right, the song is indeed about the 0.1 mile stretch of wealthy suburbia road called Amistad Street in Fort Worth, Texas," said lead and only drummer of The Fray, Ben Wysocki. "But when Isaac said, 'I found God,' it was actually a metaphor for, 'I misplaced God.' We thought everyone got that back in 2007, but Rick seems to be a little slow. As a matter of fact, we're all atheists."

Rick and Jesus's relationship has been incredibly shaky over the last few months. In July, The Onion reported that Lord Christ declined to endorse Perry as the Republican candidate for President. Several months later, Jesus failed to deliver on Rick's prayers and give the Texas Rangers a World Series win.

Things got worse this week when Rick went to the corner of First and Amistad to ask Jesus a question. There he intended to ask him if human sacrifices were required to fulfill prayers.

"He left me out there, just hangin," said a tearful Perry.

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