this really paints a picture! quite an unusual structure but I imagine if you've got music in mind for it it'll work great.

A couple of the lines can be a bit clunky, just a small complaint, such as the line 'when the breeze is so cold hearted' that might throw off your vocal melodies, although obviously if you've got a tune in mind that it works for then ignore me;)

I'm a bit unsure as to what 'true love ways' means, perhaps you could elaborate, but overall this is a pretty great piece:)