Do You Have Baby Mama Drama?

Dear Sara,I was recently in an 8-month relationship with a man whom I was starting to fall in love with, and things started getting more difficult because he recently had a baby with an ex girlfriend. I was well aware of this situation (which had happened before we even met) but thought why not give this a try because be was/is a great guy, I thought it would be worthwhile because we both felt the same for each other.

Things were really great between us up until about thanksgiving and the holidays. There was a lot of stress on his part with the baby (which was born in mid-October) and his ex (whom I believe still has feelings for him and did not like the fact that he was dating someone).

Fast forward to now and about a week ago, we decided to part ways. He feels that we are getting to the point where we should be getting more serious but that he does not have the time to dedicate to our relationship and that it is not fair to me to continue putting so much into it (even though I willingly did because I care for him so much and saw a future for us), and because he does not know how long it will take for things to get less crazy for him his baby’s mom. He has no intention of being with her, keep that in mind. My question is this – is this really a matter of his crazy situation and all the drama happening in his life or did I do something wrong, or is there something wrong with me? Does he just not love me enough to keep me around? He has fears of the mom leaving and taking the baby with her and he has no legal custody of the child right now because he does not want to bring up that issue with her yet (he thinks she will flip out).

He says he wants us to be able to revisit in a few months but he is not sure when would be the right time. I don’t know what to do because I love him and feel like this is not the right decision for us. Thoughts?

As you know, I always try my best to answer my readers’ questions about dating, love, and relationships- that’s what this site is all about! What you may not know is that the questions are always anonymous- I never know the identity of the writer and I cannot contact him/her back through my website.

Recently, I received the following question:

Is it possible for a man to start dating after losing his wife of 23 years?

This question tugged at my heartstrings. I’m not sure who wrote this question, but I’m asking for him to please email me at Sara@SaraSharnoff.com. This is the type of question that simply requires more than a paragraph response, so please be in touch- I want to know the man behind this email!

SaraPosted in Advice, Dating And Relationships, Single MENtality | Tagged dating advice, dating and relationships, Single MENtality | Leave a commentReader Q&APosted on January 24, 2012 by Sara Sharnoff

Dear Sara,I was recently in an 8-month relationship with a man whom I was starting to fall in love with, and things started getting more difficult because he recently had a baby with an ex girlfriend. I was well aware of this situation (which had happened before we even met) but thought why not give this a try because be was/is a great guy, I thought it would be worthwhile because we both felt the same for each other.

Things were really great between us up until about thanksgiving and the holidays. There was a lot of stress on his part with the baby (which was born in mid-October) and his ex (whom I believe still has feelings for him and did not like the fact that he was dating someone).

Fast forward to now and about a week ago, we decided to part ways. He feels that we are getting to the point where we should be getting more serious but that he does not have the time to dedicate to our relationship and that it is not fair to me to continue putting so much into it (even though I willingly did because I care for him so much and saw a future for us), and because he does not know how long it will take for things to get less crazy for him his baby’s mom. He has no intention of being with her, keep that in mind. My question is this – is this really a matter of his crazy situation and all the drama happening in his life or did I do something wrong, or is there something wrong with me? Does he just not love me enough to keep me around? He has fears of the mom leaving and taking the baby with her and he has no legal custody of the child right now because he does not want to bring up that issue with her yet (he thinks she will flip out).

He says he wants us to be able to revisit in a few months but he is not sure when would be the right time. I don’t know what to do because I love him and feel like this is not the right decision for us. Thoughts?

Hello, my love!

Relationships are always complicated- add in a new baby with an ex-girlfriend and it becomes even crazier. Although I have not met this wonderful man that you love, all I know is that a man who truly loves and values you will always put you first, no matter what. Essentially he is showing you that when life gets messy, as it inevitably does, he can’t handle it and will bail on you. Also, this behavior suggests that he doesn’t mind if you go out with other men while you are on a break, and that he is perfectly prepared to lose you forever.

As much as you may care for this man, it takes two people to make a relationship work. If he was the right man for you, he would never let you go. He would work through this challenging situation with you by his side.

I hope you find a man who will treat you as his #1. I know that you will.

Love always,

Sara

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.