07/31/16 #047 – Lick Her Aguan’s Sayonara Trail

There is no set line that distinguishes heat exhaustion from heat stroke. If a person is suffering from a heat-related illness such as heat exhaustion, and changes in mental status occur, he or she should be considered to be suffering from heat stroke. This includes, confusion, lethargy, seizure, or coma. This is a medical emergency, and if treatment is delayed mortality can be greater than 50%. While victims of heat exhaustion sweat profusely, people suffering from heat stroke stop sweating and have dry skin. This is a warning sign of impending heat stroke.

So let’s just roll with that. LICK HER AGUAN was suffering from a heat related malady as he drug HORNY AGAIN along for this bullshit. At least he stuck around for circle after this one. When that’s about the only positive thing that comes from a trail, you done fucked up, son.

On a nice 90° and sunny summer day we gathered for a going away party for LICK HER AGUAN and gave him another chance to finally lay a good trail. What’s that they say? Fool me once, etc?

So there we were, gathered in a nice comfy bar waiting for our hares to show up, and sure enough they popped in right before we decided to say “fuck it, let’s drink” for the afternoon. Assholes. They shuttled talked us into carpooling to the on-start. Upon arrival we had more drinks and chalk talk, where trail was described as having “sparse” marks. Sure, no problem, we’ve all been on a Serialbater trail.

On-on…we thought. A check right away sent hashers off in every direction. To the north was an evil back check. Everywhere else…crickets. So we spent a generous amount of non-beer time looking in vain for marks that didn’t exist. Finally, someone called the asshole hare, who pointed us in the right direction…a chalk mark a half mile down the road. Since others saw the hares driving past, allegations of auto-haring were tossed about but obviously were denied.

Have I mentioned yet we had dogs and children on this trail? I feel like I’ve left that part out. So yes, on this 90° day with no clear path to refreshment, I feel like I should mention we had dogs and children on trail.

Eventually we found the hares…with a car…in a school parking lot, where an impromptu beer near was had. To listen to the hares, one would have thought we were crying man-children. All I’m saying is when a hasher sacrifices his vessel to provide water to a dog (a hare’s dog, no less!) you might rethink your trail.

After the unplanned BN the hares graciously cut the trail short by winding us through a neighborhood, where a television was almost recycled, and eventually making children run across a divided highway. Because this was always a family friendly trail, you see.

Somehow we all avoided the heat related illnesses that beset our hares and made it to the on-in, where we were bussed (by ourselves) to the on-start for circle. There we rightfully told our hares to take a hint and fuck right off…although they’re welcome back any time. Just stop haring fucking trails you idiots.