The Calendar of Postiness

It’s Time for the Luigiville and Robo-Granny Report.

January 29, 2006 — The Luigiian

I have news to report (believe it or not):

First off, Luigiville is receiving two apartment buildings for Valentine’s Day. Of course, they are designed for singles and couples and “friends with benefits” and such. Please keep your comments to yourself, this site might recieve hits from children.

Second off, Luigiville is getting a new fire station in the process. This is because the firefighters were threatening to set fire to the city if they didn’t get a fire station they could use. Attention Lego residents: Please don’t riot again. Look here, I’m getting done with this as fast as I can. I know many of your children have cancer and are homeless, but I can’t build any faster. OK? Please understand that I don’t want fires in the city, seeing as how our fire station isn’t even finished yet, as I already said. (By the way, to you Lego designers out there, I’m getting my parts from Toy Brick Brigade on Bricklink. I say this to mention that it’s safe to buy them there, it seriously isn’t a scam. I don’t think. I know I got most of the parts I asked for. Ahem. Check carefully.)

Finally, my grandmother just got out of the hospital after hip replacement surgery. I was concerned over this. For example, the first time she got her hip replaced, I received many reassuring comments. For example, one guy asked me, “So your grandmother is becoming a robo-Grannie?” Naturally, this comment definitely made me feel very good, even though calling my grandmother a “robo-Grannie” gives not-so-reassuring images of a 64-year-old woman shooting lasers from her eyes. This surprised me, even more so than after, in that same class (Health) this girl that had asked me to a dance once rejected me five times, saying she didn’t have good enough grades to go. Judging by the way she sometimes acted, I would believe it.

Anyway, so we went to the hospital, which is usually scary, but I had prepared myself by not going. In fact, I think I stayed up all night watching anime and people who spend most of their time dressed rather leisurely, not that that is all that unusual.

So anyway, my uncle Joe and my grandmother went to the hospital, and she got the surgery, and they signed all the disclaimers saying that if Grandma died that they wouldn’t be held responsible and that we would STILL pay for the surgery and pretend that nothing EVER happened and that WE, not the hospital, actually kidnapped the Lindbergh baby.

Now it was time to go to the store. We looked all around for Dramamine, the wonder drug that keeps most people from getting sick. We found it.

“Get that one”, I said. “Maybe if she’s drowsy, she’ll shut up for a while.”

“No,” my mother said. “Not that one. That will make her less drowsy.” I looked down at the tube and it said “Non Drowsy Formula.” So we got the original version. We don’t take any substitutes.

After she came home, it was time to contend with Screaming Lady with Five Cats at Home Who is Trying to get Drugs at the Pharmacy Without a Prescription. After sitting there for around three hours, we finally got to the front of the line, after which the pharmacist cheerfully told us they didn’t have her drugs. We went home after that, plotting for revenge.

Anyway, I’ll write the second half of this report (“The Granny Report”) next week. Till then, go visit Insert Site That is Actually Good Here site for really funny stuff.