Joe Kennedy’s “Lip Service” to Chuck Schumer

By the sordid standards of the Kennedy family, Joe Kennedy had a very successful evening in Fall River this week. Not one young woman was raped, crippled or beaten to death with a golf club. No one tried to play footsie with Adolf Hitler, crashed an airplane, died of a drug overdose or had a body found in their submerged Oldsmobile.

Americans are still awestruck by the landmark address delivered by Congressman Joe Kennedy III (D-MA.) on Tuesday. We laughed. We cried. Most of all, we cheered on Kennedy for showing his solidarity with the LGBT community, by declining to wipe his mouth, so the whole world could see his servicing of Chuck Schumer. Nothing could have better depicted the symbolic ejaculation of Schumer’s ideas into (and on) Kennedy’s mouth.

To be honest, I don’t really remember exactly what Kennedy said, mainly because I was listening to Johnny Cash on Pandora at a volume that significantly drowned out Joe’s voice. That said, the bodily fluids in the corner of Kennedy’s mouth as he read the Schumer-approved speech undoubtedly helped crystallize the chemically salty nature of Schumer’s mentorship and that Donald Trump is a “bully” for enforcing immigration laws and for opposing the sex-change procedures that our military personnel so desperately need in order to defend liberty.

The other reason I don’t remember the specifics of his speech is due, in no small part, to the fact that he spoke part of it in Spanish. Because everyone knows speaking in Spanish is surely the best way to rally Americans behind your cause.

The black Mustang in the background was also a great touch. Seeing the car helped me reminisce over the amazing public service of his great uncle, Teddy Kennedy. Although Teddy may have abruptly ended the life of a young girl by getting shmammered and driving his car off a bridge — and then kind of not bothering to try to rescue her as she drowned to death several hours later — Teddy later saved the United States from imminent destruction, by flooding it with immigrants from wonderful countries like Somalia via the Immigration & Nationality Act of 1965.

Ted Kennedy, in 1969 (Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

The Kennedy’s have done so much for this nation, it only makes sense for yet another to champion the cause of Marxism with a deep-throated defense of progressive ideals. To paraphrase another great Kennedy, “Ask not what your country can drool for you, ask what you can drool for your country.”

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