I really do not know if I have ever known a couple that did not in some way or another try to change each other. This is true both in and out of the counseling room. What we think a husband or wife should be and how they should act is embedded inside all of us, whether we are aware of it or not. As we grow up we take in a lot of “husband and wife” information.

Some comes from our family of origin and some from the culture we live in. Movies, TV, books, couples we know and don’t know all help mold this image we have of what our husband or wife should be. I have talked to people who really had no idea about the spouse template in their mind that they wanted to impose on their mate.

Then there have been others that went into marriage with their list of things that needed changing. All of the above will cause conflict in a marriage. None of us really want someone telling us that we need to change. Certainly, wanting our spouse to change for the better is not in itself a bad thing, but it is really not my role as a husband to change Nancy. My role is to love her, encourage her and let God change her. God’s plan for her is so much better than mine. The changes He makes in Nancy will be perfect for her and guess what? They will also be perfect for me. So, as hard as it may be for you, avoid the temptation to try and change your spouse. It is a habit worth embracing!