Reece Gardner: The words you use can hurt others

Tuesday

Jun 25, 2013 at 12:01 AMJun 25, 2013 at 8:44 PM

'As I See It'

Reece Gardner / Columnist

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” We have all heard those words spoken many times, but we know that there is not much truth in them. The truth is words can indeed hurt and even in some cases leave scars that last for a lifetime. In one of my classes in Goldsboro during our emotional session, a class member in his mid-30s stood before the group and, with tears streaming down his face, told us about a childhood incident in which his father, to whom he looked to for guidance and support, became angry with him and shouted, “You are the worst thing that ever happened to me!” Now that incident had occurred some 25 years prior to that evening, and yet he was still hurting from it. I’m fairly certain that his father was hurting also because we can be sure that we cannot hurt someone else without also hurting ourselves. That hurt may not be immediate but it will come around one day. In another class, a father cried as he recalled an incident in which he had humiliated his 7-year-old son. He said he arrived home from work one afternoon and saw his son’s bicycle lying in the driveway. He said he became furious, got out of his car, and yelled at his son who was playing with some of his little friends in the back yard. He said, “Boy, are you crazy? You know better than to leave your bike out here in the driveway. You get over here right now, put that bike in the garage, and get into the house immediately.” In one minute, he had humiliated and embarrassed his son in front of his friends in a way that could never be forgotten. As he told us about this incident, he said, “So many times since then, I have relived that occasion and wished that I had handled it differently. I could have first gotten out of my car, rolled the bicycle into the garage, said hello to my son and his friends and gone into the house. “Later, when my son and I were alone in our home, I could have quietly explained to him that he should be more careful where he leaves his bicycle, since someone might accidentally run over it in the driveway. But with that one outburst, I hurt my relationship with my son for a lifetime, and all over a bicycle!” I am sure we have all said and done things in the past that we wish we could go back and change. But yesterday is gone, and all the great minds in this world working tirelessly together can’t bring back one second of it. It is gone, it is irretrievable, it isn’t coming back. There is one way that we might benefit from yesterday, though, and that is to resolve to live this day, each day, in a way so that when the day is gone, we can look back on it without regret. We can say, “Yesterday, I didn’t criticize, condemn, or complain. “Yesterday, I didn’t tear anybody down. Yesterday, I took a few minutes to give honest, sincere appreciation to someone who needed to hear those words, deserved to hear those words, and was better off as a result of hearing them. “Yesterday, I was a good listener to someone who needed to pour out his heart filled with frustration, and, as a result of my being a good listener, he was able to hold his shoulders back a little straighter, hold his head a little higher and walk a little more confidently along the way. “Yesterday, I made someone feel important by reminding him that he was a walking, talking, living, breathing miracle, born in the image of God, and bound for the Promised Land.” And so far as tomorrow is concerned, folks, there is no such thing. There never has been. If tomorrow happens to get here for us — which it may, or it may not — but if it does, it will be today when it does. There is a great wisdom of the ages that Emma and I strive to live by, which is: “This is the day the Lord has made, and I can rejoice and be glad in it.” And so words, spoken harshly with little thought or concern for the one to whom they are spoken, can indeed hurt. Those hurtful words can cause lives to be saddened, hopes to be dashed, and dreams to be shattered. Let’s say a kind and thoughtful word to someone today. They will benefit greatly from it, and so will we.

Reece Gardner is the host of “The Reece Gardner Hour,” which airs on TACC-9 on Mondays at 9 p.m., Tuesdays at 8 p.m., Thursdays at 11 p.m., Sundays at 10:30 p.m. and on-demand anytime at TACC9.com. You can reach Reece at rbgej@aol.com.

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