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I've posted about my husband. I've recently come across someone else's post to find that their situation is so similar to mine. She puts things in words in a way that I can't even think to describe. It's been going on in my head piece by piece for years, but to really just lay it all out. It's so raw. So real. It hurts my heart to see someone else go through the struggle, but to know that I really am not alone. That's amazing... My situation seems so surreal. It seems impossible. To be so incredibly disconnected from my husband. To maintain fighting for him when all I want to do is run... People really do that. Real people do that. Not everyone is superficial and "perfect." So, just a huge thank you to her for sharing something so raw and so personal and for making an impact on me.

But to get to the point... What on earth do I do when he says "I'm sorry." "Thank you for taking care of us." "I'm ready to get back to us." What do I do when he actually comes to bed at night rather than passing out where ever he happens to be? How do I not be angry during the only moments that that anger even matters? How do I let go of him turning away as I begged him for help? How can I let him through my barrier of pain and hurt? How can I ever be close to him? I know the instant we get anywhere close to "us" that he'll be back out that door and back where he was. I know I'm not meant to give up hope. I know that Jesus loves us unconditionally and asks the same of us. I know that I made a promise not just to my husband, but to myself, my children and Jesus. All I want 90% of the time is to crawl into a dark hole and cry myself to sleep. That place is so dark, so scary, and unfortunately, so real.

I'm sorry you are struggling with this. I don't believe I am the right member to be replying to your post. But I thought your post definitely warranted a reply & I wanted to let you know I read it & I wish you well. Hopefully there will yet be other members who will feel they have something they can share regarding your situation.

What flashed through my mind, reading your post, was the way abusive spouses will apologize for their abuse & promise it will never happen again but then turn around & keep on doing the same thing. To my way of thinking, what your husband is doing amounts to a control tactic. He's basically using it as a way to "keep you on the hook", so to speak. He's guilting you. And unfortunately, from what you wrote, it sounds as though it's working. To my way of thinking... at some point, unless you want to go on living this way indefinitely, you're going to be forced to call his bluff. He either has to do what he has to do to heal or you're done. Perhaps that sounds harsh. Perhaps it is. But I don't see any other way out of the situation. My best wishes to you...

Jesus just asks you to love others as you would love yourself; to do unto others as you would have others do unto you. So if you were horrible to someone, would you want them to stay? What if you were trying to get them to leave you alone? KWIM? What is your husband really telling you?

I really identify with that line in Thelma and Louise, where one of them says, "my husband wasnt sweet to me, and look what happened." My husband wasnt sweet to me either. My priest offered me an annulment.

I'm sorry you are struggling with this. I don't believe I am the right member to be replying to your post. But I thought your post definitely warranted a reply & I wanted to let you know I read it & I wish you well. Hopefully there will yet be other members who will feel they have something they can share regarding your situation.

What flashed through my mind, reading your post, was the way abusive spouses will apologize for their abuse & promise it will never happen again but then turn around & keep on doing the same thing. To my way of thinking, what your husband is doing amounts to a control tactic. He's basically using it as a way to "keep you on the hook", so to speak. He's guilting you. And unfortunately, from what you wrote, it sounds as though it's working. To my way of thinking... at some point, unless you want to go on living this way indefinitely, you're going to be forced to call his bluff. He either has to do what he has to do to heal or you're done. Perhaps that sounds harsh. Perhaps it is. But I don't see any other way out of the situation. My best wishes to you...

Thank you for your reply. After all the sweetness, it turned dark again pretty quick. I filed for a divorce the day before yesterday. I can't anymore. I just can't. I feel sad. I feel overwhelmed. I am trying to not feel guilty b/c I'm doing what is necessary. It just sucks.