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By now, we should all know not to trust Jenna’s confidence about the strength of a relationship. Voiceover Jenna and real-life Jenna are two completely disparate entities on Awkward. So when she tells herself and the viewers that her friendship with Matty is “stronger than ever,” we know that by episode’s end, the other shoe is going to thwack her over the head.

In Awkward.‘s five seasons, Jenna and Matty have never sustained a successful friendship. Why Jenna thought their booze-fueled Fourth of July festivities were the start of something new, the world may never know. But that’s what she thinks, and it may be the hangover talking.

Jenna, Tamara, Luke, Matty, and Sully nurse their pickled brains with starchy breakfast food and brainstorm how to earn Jake’s forgiveness. After all, their debauchery cost him his job at the country club. Inspired by Sully’s iron liver and “hair of the dog” hangover cure, Jenna proposes to throw Jake a rager. Solid plan. Fight firewater with firewater.

The party more than atones for the group’s wrongdoings. Jake accepts the copious amounts of cinnamon whisky and “We Love You, Jake” signs instead of seeing right through them. But while the party is a sweeping success on the surface, secrets and viral personal essays threaten to light the match that sets the whole operation ablaze.

Still not finding her footing at work, Jenna takes the advice to dig deep a little too well when writing her next piece. She reaches into the archives and pulls out the deepest story in her arsenal: her breakup with Matty. Hoping to snag a homepage spot and maybe even an e-book deal, she goes there, leaving no stone unturned. Her candor lands her the homepage, but her mouthful of a headline, “From Lovers to Friends to Lovers to Friends (For Real This Time),” gets edited to the ultra-clickbait-friendly “Your Needy High School Boyfriend Is a LOSER. Dump Him Already.” Gotta get those Facebook shares, Jenna.

How will Matty react when he reads Jenna’s essay? If it’s up to Jenna, he never will. And if it’s up to Lissa, Jake will never work at the country club again. She revels in his firing, trying to push him to pursue better opportunities. Jake is not aboard the same ship. He liked working his way up at the club and being an authority figure. What else is he going to do? His middling music talent wouldn’t get any chairs to spin on The Voice.

After Ally gets Jake his job back with a 10 percent raise, Lissa breaks up with him. She wants to be a Palos Hills mom, and that means marrying a member of the club, not a manager. On the one hand, she’s being terribly shallow. If she loves Jake, it shouldn’t matter what he does for a living. But on the other hand, Lissa knows what she wants, and she’s not going to settle for second-rate. If she doesn’t think Jake will match her standards, why should she waste her time waiting for him to try? That’s the business of being Lissa Miller.

Tamara might think they are all “LOL-ing in the deep” (a new entry in the “Greatest Tamara-isms of All Time” canon), but she’s LOL-ing and lying her way into a new love interest’s heart. She briefly met Perfect Princeton Patrick at the club, and hid her entire truth. For some reason, Tamara is insecure about being anything less than the New York socialite she wants to be. At the party, she fabricates her personality and Washington Square residency to Patrick, trying to impress the Upper East Sider. Where there’s smoke, there’s going to be a fire.

Meanwhile, Sadie and Sergio try to reclaim their sexual fire. Honestly, I’m losing interest in their back-and-forth because it’s simply not that interesting. They were apart for nearly a year, so they naturally spent some time in the bedroom with other people. The trouble with getting back together with an ex? Realizing that they moved on in your absence. Sadie and Sergio eventually surrender and decide to test out their new moves. It was a harmless background story, but I would have much rather watched Sadie teeter on the edge of her thawing humanity.

Of course, Jenna couldn’t keep the virality of Ideabin from even the most disconnected millennials, like Matty. Soon, he’s getting texts and tweets from readers who decoded the real identity of “Marc.” He’s rightfully pissed and heartbroken that Jenna, to quote Adele, laid their sh-t bare for the Internet to read. She should have warned Matty before writing and publishing the piece, especially when the title was altered.

But she shouldn’t fear writing about her experiences. That’s the cardinal rule of dating a writer. Taylor Swift’s exes know that better than anyone. And it’s not as though Jenna is Taylor Swift and the world can list her past relationships faster than the state capitals. She only wanted to express herself. Just when Jenna thought she and Matty could have it all, one honest essay left their friendship weaker than ever.

Expression Of JoyThe Brady Bunch: Groovy! The Bradys: Ritual hugging Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.” Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you? The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…” The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been) Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!” Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?” The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical ProblemThe Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen. The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed. Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents. Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer. The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical SolutionThe Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens. The Bradys: Bobby gets married. Married…With Children: They hate him. Thirtysomething: If only we knew… The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

Attitude Toward SexThe Brady Bunch: Never heard of it The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it! Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No. Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident. The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses FightThe Brady Bunch: They don’t. The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens Married…With Children: Tooth and nail Thirtysomething: They stop talking The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into TroubleThe Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette. The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair. Married…With Children: By committing felonies Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket. The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.” The Bradys ”Next time, ask.” Married…With Children: By the authorities Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face. The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For FunThe Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon The Bradys: Has flashbacks Married…With Children: Exchanges insults Thirtysomething: Talks The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved MysteriesThe Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die? The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use? Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other? The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst BehaviorThe Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

Best Reason To WatchThe Brady Bunch: This is what life should be. The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now! Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it. Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life. The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To WatchThe Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses. The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now. Married…With Children: She has a point. Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real. The Flintstones: The Simpsons