Pandagon is daily opinion blog covering feminism, politics, and pop culture. Come for the politics, stay for the complete lack of patience for the B.S. and bad faith coming from conservative leaders and pundits.

4.) The redistribution tape showing Obama not saying that redistribution is a good or desirable thing for courts to do, and therefore stealing Joe the Plumber’s baby.

5.) The API Michelle Obama interview tape, in which she is supposed to just say a bunch of crazy shit for no apparent reason to a news source that nobody’s ever heard of. The same crazy-ass news source is now saying that David Axelrod is offering three million dollars to ensure that this tape never gets out, which sucks for him because the tape was already sold to Fox News (all but six minutes of it, which I assume is just a long-winded scatological rant about white babies).

6.) The Khalidi tape which is supposed to show Obama calling the Israelis genocidal monsters and then, in the vein of every other tape, calling white babies ugly and then stealing their candies from their grubby cracker hands.

I’m sure there are also a couple of tapes I’m missing, too. Why are conservatives are so focused on this preponderance of secret tapes, though? I’m sure most of it has to do with the “bitter” tape from the winter, assuming that the last solid blow to land on Obama can be constantly relived through vague innuendo and lots of fairy tale wishing that another tape will be produced by some shining white knight who’ll unleash it on an unsuspecting yet socialist-hating populace who haven’t yet been given the proper reason to shit their pants over the coming Obamist secular theocracy.

All I know is that if I want to say something crazy, I’m having Barack Obama say it on tape – that motherfucker will never come out.

About the Author

Jesse Taylor is an attorney and blogger from the great state of Ohio. He founded Pandagon in July, 2002, and has also served on the campaign and in the administration of former Ohio Governor Ted Strickland. He focuses on politics, race, law and pop culture, as well as the odd personal digression when the mood strikes.