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My ex contacted me after a long silence. I thought she would never contact me again. It was extremely confronting because I kinda convinced myself she’d never speak to me again. After holding on for almost 2 years with some degree of progress into friendship it all just suddenly stopped one day.

I’m trying to be positive. I was expecting a call from someone, maybe go on a date but she never messaged me after she finished seeing her friends. ow well:( Its a rainy grey day. Im outta weed, I think im trying to quit but Ive already caved and msgd some people to help me out. I always read all these articles about how different research is now showing how new drugs and therapies are helping veterans with PTSD…. idk if it’s negative, but kinda fuck those veterans. How about helping people who didnt choose to go out and be apart of something terrible first? I dont know what to say. I’m just like endlessly depressed and drained. Other people seem to always want something from me, I want to help them but, sometimes I feel lie im more of a set piece theyve become accustomed to rather than a ephemral type of being who changes and thinks differently.

Once you develop an idea of who I am, I start to get a sense of that. I dont like it. SO i always change impulsively. IM sensitive asf and am trying to change that but… maybe im just sensitive. Maybe that makes sense to be more like me and less like everyone else. I can’t know. And anyone who tends to offer advice generally pulls it from fat air and kind of show me how much they think they know me. I want someone with the balls to try it, but i want them to be right and actually help. IM narcissistic sometimes. But i also wish i was wrong more often so those who lean on me, wouldn’t while im so weak.