I want to believe

Isn’t it interesting that Lucifer translates to Bearer of Light and
the apple in Genesis is known as the fruit of wisdom? Is too much
intelligence an impediment to child-like trust? Let’s go to the most
basic dogma of Christianity – the resurrection of Christ. I want to
believe, but there’s this small nagging voice in my head that goes “It
won’t be too hard to sneak the body out of the tomb – more impossible
heists have been pulled off before”. Or the miracles in the bible, can
they not be group hallucinations from some drug slipped into their food
and drink during their feasts? Can the small pieces of fish and bread
feed 5,000 because they were eaten together with Khat or a similar
stimulant/appetite suppressant plant? It’s common knowledge that the
Bible was compiled from a long list of written material, with only the
non-contradictory material included. Heresy, you say? Sacrilege? I want
to believe, but the skeptical part of my brain keeps on providing
counter-points. Help me believe, Lord. I’m going to church tomorrow.