Oct 28, 2011

22 Things I've Done

I've been a little slack with the writing prompts lately, but since reading MultitaskingMumma's version, I thought I'll step up to the plate and take a swing at it. Besides, it's a post all about me - how can any good self-proclaimed narcissist turn THAT down? Sheesh.

1. I have lived in 3 continents.
2. I have driven an Army Hummer on a beach.
3. I have eaten kangaroo.
4. I have been to Ayers Rock twice (likely once too many; it's a big red rock in the complete middle of fucking nowhere, between hell and nothingness).
5. I have done Ecstasy three times; it did nothing for me.
6. I managed to hide a fender bender from my father for an entire month, then I just blamed it on the high school parking lot. Phew.
7. I made a plaster cast of my mother's breasts for a sculpture about breast cancer. It was mother/daughter bonding at it's most awkward.
8. I have been in love with probably 3 men that could have all been "the one", maybe 4, depending on circumstances.
9. I have attended SEVEN universities and/or colleges. I like school.
10. I was arrested when I was 14.
11. I have eaten an entire box of Reese cereal whilst being extraordinarily stoned.
12. I have done #11 with a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch as well. I may or may not have been stoned that time; I have no defense, really.
13. I have cheated.
14. I taught high school for 3 years; turns out I hate other people's hormonal children, but not nearly as much as I hate red tape and jumping through hoops, all in the name of "education". It's a bullshit broken system.
15. I have dropped my camera in a toilet full of my own pee.
16. I have been pregnant more than once.
17. I was a competitive public speaker; my most successful speech was entitled, "People are strange".
18. I got H.P.V. when I was 19.
19. I had to be escorted by a security guard through the gates when I left Australia the first time. I was completely fucking hysterical. If it was today's social climate, I have no doubt I would have been put on the "no fly" list.
20. I have traveled internationally for both softball and basketball.
21. I got my very first speeding ticket this year. I almost passed out from the terror of being pulled over by a State Trooper (yes, it was in the States, fucking help me). It was a woman; I was simultaneously relieved and disappointed. Still, the whole time, I wanted her to show me a photo and say, "HAVE YOU SEEN THIS BOY?"
22. And although spanning over the last 4 days, I have managed to eat an entire pumpkin cake all by myself.

Somehow I have even more respect for you than I did before (and I respect you a lot...to me you're one of those big bloggers who is smart and takes no shit, and I like that)...I digress...back to respect. Yes, I respect you for getting through not one box of sugar cereal but two! And you finish off the list with getting through an entire pumpkin cake. You are my official food hero. Oh sure the Australia thing is cool, but come on, getting through an entire box of Reece Puffs!

I just left an awesome comment and it disappeared. If this is a double please delete the first. Or whichever is funnier. I'm impressed by your list.I'm also overwhelmed. I have so many things to say to you. My stomach hurts. I need to lay down. So much sex. Drugs. Police. Teaching. Travel. You are a rock star

I freaking love how you have the balls to admit all this stuff to the world. I...uh...may or may not have done some of the things you listed. But my parents read my blog...and Christ, my Grandmother. I cannot be responsible for giving them a heart attack.

The most shocking thing on that list is how long you made it without a speeding ticket. Seriously.

And I don't want to know what the kangaroo tasted like. (gamey chicken?)

Yeah. There were some great moments, for sure, but none of them out-weighed the annoying ones that completely wore me down in those 3 short years. Kudos to all teachers that have done/can do it for 30+ years. Fuck that!

Oh, the cans of chef boyardee shwill I have eaten post bong hits and the gallons of water I pounded both times I did ecstasy. College was vile (and awesome).

I hear you with the teaching: somehow dealing with the public school administration and union bullshit for 4 yrs ruined being an art teacher for me. An ART TEACHER: pretty much the best job in the world, ruined bc of that red tape and nonsense. It's a fucking bummer.

I'm all about the pumpkin cake - I just went to a bakery and paid a ridiculous amount of money for one slice of pumpkin roll because I knew if I brought a whole one home, it would be gone. Immediately.

Boy I was expecting something more rawnchy (sp?) from you, lol. I love ya! I'm just like you, but forced to keep it under wraps on my blog right now, but I'm going to be starting a new one...Off The Nook..TOTALLY anyhing I fuckin' wanna say:) It's good to be able to say what you want and not worry about anybody else taking it the wrong way or gasping. They know you and accept you! I love it. That's the way it should be.

Anyhow..I did some of the things on your list. Oh, one year I was drinking Rumplements in Time's Square on New Year's Eve, and couldn't find a bathroom I could use w/o waiting in line and paying so I pulled down my pants in what I thought was an alley way and right as the ball started to drop, I was pissing on the ground, I turned around to see thousands of people behind me who could clearly see my bare arse and golden flow, lol.

I then heard a voice of a police officer on a megaphone going, 'Miss.. please pull up your pants NOW.' I couldn't stop the flow. Come on officer? lol. Embarrassing, but I had to do it. Never did find my BF that night. He went home and I wandered the city for hours alone. Nice huh? Would have been scary w/o the rumplements. :)

I got too many stories. Some might be too much even for this site, haha.