My son is a wonderful kid who got involved in drugs, and that led to horrible things. Hes doing 1 to 3 years in prison and it breaks my heart everyday when I think about it. I wake up to the reality that he isnt here, I live through the day numb most of the time and I fall asleep crying wanting him home. He is only 20 and I fear for his life because the prison he is at id Greene Correctional and considered "POLICE HANDS ON" where guards beat inmates literally with no reason. My nephew also did time there and he said when the say NO REASON it really means no reason. Also my son is white and foolishly had "ARIAN" tattos put on him with a group of his idiot friends a few years ago. He was never racist, but got in with a few kids who were and never got them covered after he left that group.Every day I wonder if Ill get a phone call that he is hurt or worse. I am actually more afraid of the guards than the other inmates, from the things my nephew told me this prison has been investigated many many times. I just pray God keeps him safe.

My son is a wonderful kid who got involved in drugs, and that led to horrible things. Hes doing 1 to 3 years in prison and it breaks my heart everyday when I think about it. I wake up to the reality that he isnt here, I live through the day numb most of the time and I fall asleep crying wanting him home. He is only 20 and I fear for his life because the prison he is at id Greene Correctional and considered "POLICE HANDS ON" where guards beat inmates literally with no reason. My nephew also did time there and he said when the say NO REASON it really means no reason. Also my son is white and foolishly had "ARIAN" tattos put on him with a group of his idiot friends a few years ago. He was never racist, but got in with a few kids who were and never got them covered after he left that group.Every day I wonder if Ill get a phone call that he is hurt or worse. I am actually more afraid of the guards than the other inmates, from the things my nephew told me this prison has been investigated many many times. I just pray God keeps him safe.

I'm sorry that you are having to worry so much about your son. You are going to drive yourself crazy though! I know it is not easy to do this but you are really going to have to trust your son and his ability to take care of himself. One of the most difficult things we as parents have to do - letting go. Doesn't mean we won't be here for them. Keep him busy reading your letters and visiting with you. We are here for you!

Gosh my heart really goes out to you because I see you are worrying yourself sick.
When my boy was in I worked myself into a stroke...
Those tats your son have probably weren't the smartest thing he ever did but my money is on him running into some others who made the same mistakes, maybe from other gangs Did he enter prison with a jacket (was he named gang affiliated?)
I guess every parent on here can relate to you feeling your son is a good boy...all ours were to. After all ours and we know them better then anyone.
Have you seen a doctor for anti anxiety meds ?you don't have to get drugs that knock your ass in thecdust but
I find mild anti depressant makes my life easier. At least I sleep 4/5 hrs at a time now instead of NEVER or all the time...
You know Im not the best at giving advise but I can tell you from experience that all the worry & crying in the world won't change or fix the situation. Sometimes us left out here carry the burden of becoming our child's link to what's happening so they feed off our emotions. If you sway they usually do too. We have to pump them up that all is well and everything is going to be alright whether we actually believe it or not. Im just saying have faith and show no fear so your child will gain confidence..that's all you can do because they are locked safely away from society .
bb

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The Following User Says Thank You to bumblebee37 For This Useful Post:

Hi Franksmom. It is so hard at first with anxiety and stress. I have had to reach out to my doctor for help. She is so calming and has some very good advice. I am on an anti anxiety med and an anti depressant too. I can finally sleep. yes, I still cry on my pillow at night, but the sleep will arrive...

Take care of yourself. You need time to adjust, to be ok again too. Don't take all the blame onto your shoulders either. I do that, even though I know this isn't my fault. But doing this self guilt ... has raised my blood pressure to an unsafe level. ...so if you can, please go visit your own doctor and keep in touch with them throughout your journey.

Sending you peace and love. For you and for your son. oxox

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The Following User Says Thank You to Heartsick_in_MD For This Useful Post:

Is your son afraid also? Does he express this to you? I wonder if you would like to read a book that I read...free at any library....called "fearless" by Max Lucado.

I took a seminar on the book, later loaned it to a gal who was dying from cancer. The book uses biblical insight to allay your fears. Kinda like this:

You believe in God? If you do believe in God, you believe that he is all powerful, always present, a loving Father. You have to put your trust in that. No sense believing and then being in fear. Believing wipes out all fear.

Chapter Five of the book "Fearless" is entitled, "My Child is in Danger". You can read it online.

For most of my own son's life, it was in danger...danger brought upon him by his impulsive choices. I was terrified most of the time. One day, I decided that the worst thing that could happen to my son was death. I had already lost a child to death, my firstborn. He died before he was three from heart disease. It set me back a long time. I quit my job, I nearly took my own life. I was despondent, could barely breathe each day.

So, I did not want to go thru a son dying again. But I knew that even if that happened....He was my son forever. for eternity. I knew that I believed in life after death. So I faced that my son would either be incarcerated or dead. I knew a phone call would come announcing one or the other. Soon enough...those jail calls came...4 different jails, one very far from here that he stayed in for two yrs. Then the relief of him getting out only to find him back inside again. When he went to prison, I was numb. I knew I could not protect him but I could pray for him.

I said this prayer for my son, well, in words similar to this:

Dear Father God, be there with my son, be his father, protect him and guide him. Jesus, be his brother, lie down with him at night and walk with him by day with your hand on his shoulder. Holy Spirit, give my son courage, and wisdom to get thru this journey. Thank you, Amen.

I knew that I could not see my son's face every day, but God never stopped looking upon him.

I also commissioned my father who had died many years before...to walk with my son, to make him find peace and a smile now and then as he went on his way. My son's guardian angel was told to take extra watch over him.

I felt better knowing that I had all the power of heaven to walk with my son. I trusted that. My son is out now and was not harmed in prison. Not all prison guards (CO's) are mean, don't you believe that for one second. I know two of them personally and a few retired ones. Every basket of apples has a few rotten ones.

Take heart in knowing that God is the ruler of the universe, and that He loves your son even more than you possibly ever can.

It's natural to worry about your son's safety, but try not to let it affect your own health. There is nothing you can do that won't increase his danger, especially if the guards have already been repeatedly investigated for brutality. Take care of yourself, and be confident that he will find a way to do the same thing inside.