Duncan Smith To Host Primetime TV Quiz Show

In an initiative to make its strict new rules for immigrants to the UK more palatable to the British public, the Department for Work and Pensions are to introduce a TV quiz show into the popular teatime slot.

'Dole Or No Dole' will be compered by DWP Secretary Iain Duncan Smith as inquisitor 'The Quiet Man', and features 100 immigrant applicants whittled down to one successful candidate every episode.

In a good cop/bad cop format, the contestants face a series of interrogations from both Duncan Smith and 'The Wanker', a mystery voice from the DWP who sneers derisively at their pleas on the end of a telephone line.

"The contestants consist of 99 % Romanians, Bulgarians and other such Third World scroungers, plus 1% either native english speakers from countries such as Australia, or the occasional Russian oligarch willing to make large anonymous donations to a Charitable Conservative Organisation." says Duncan Smith.

"The public have an opportunity to see, in an exciting and entertaining format, that our new immigration process is transparent and fair. The show will ensure only migrants who have a legal right to be in Britain and plan to contribute to this country can make a claim for benefits."

Responding to surprise that the DWP Secretary, who has been described by cabinet colleagues as 'possessing all the charisma of a wet fart' is to host the show, Mr Duncan Smith, though conceding this point, countered that "it had never stopped Noel Edmonds."

UKIP's Nigel Farage dismissed the move as 'gesture politics' and said "a far more effective filter, if we had control of our borders, would be a return to the good old British tradition of slavery" something, he added, that would be illegal under EU law.

Other Government departments are considering emulating the DWP initiative. The Treasury are piloting 'Who Wants To Be An Offshore Millionaire?' presented by George Osborne, while the Dept of Transport have mooted a format whereby MPs' speeding penalties are nullified, under the provisional title, 'Pointless'.