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Fresh from his triumphs in Egypt, Saudi Arabia, and Israel, our Trumpfissimo has gone on to conquer the Vatican with munificent gifts, including a handsome set of our Presidente’s published works. (Of course, Bibi Netanyahu and the King of Saudi Arabia are still wondering what to do with their Honeybaked Ham gift coupons.)

A humble man, Pope Paul was also given a set of luxurious Maruman golf clubs and colorful checkered pants he could use on his next visit to any Trumpf golf resort in the United States.

Advice the Pope Is Sure to Use

As was to be expected, the First Lady made an elegant impression in the Vatican, Israel, and the Arab World. It makes one wonder if perhaps she would have made a better president. Oh, well….

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There are a lot of ways at looking at America’s seemingly insoluble split down the middle between the Trumpites/Tea Partiers and the Liberals. Probably the healthiest approach is to take Opus’s point of view. It was that split that brought Berkeley Breathed, the creator of Bloom County, out of retirement. Today, his Facebook page is one of the sanest places on the Internet.

Does anyone knew where I can yet yellow and green briefs with smiley faces printed on them?

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Our president wants jobs for Americans. It suddenly hit me that he could kill two birds with one stone: Send his most vociferous supporters deep into coal mines. (And none of that sissy strip mining stuff, either!) That coal dust does things to those who are most vociferous: It gives them black lung disease. That might also be a good solution for those members of his staff that the president is forced to remove for disloyalty or, worse yet, getting caught.

Perhaps we could direct our economy into those jobs which were more typical of centuries past. It’s a way of looking forward by looking back, and paying homage to our economic heritage. Say, what about harvesting cotton and sugar cane?