Related Greater Good Stories

Time Required

Take 15 minutes to go through the steps below. Try to repeat these steps with a different person at least once per week.

How to Do It

1. Think of a person in your life who seems to be very different from you in every way that you can imagine. They might have different interests, different religious or political beliefs, or different life experiences. They may even be someone with whom you have had a personal conflict, or who belongs to a group that has been in conflict with a group to which you belong.

2. Next, make a list of all of the things that you most likely share in common with this person. Perhaps you both work for the same company or go to the same school. Maybe you both have children, or a significant other. Probably you have both had your heart broken at one point or another, or have lost a loved one. At the broadest level, you both belong to the human species, which means that you share 99.9% of your DNA.

3. Review this list of commonalities. How do they make you see this person in a new light? Instead of simply seeing this person as someone unfamiliar to you, or as a member of an out-group, now try to see this person as an individual, one whose tastes and experiences might overlap with yours in certain ways.

4. Repeat this exercise whenever you meet someone who initially seems different from you, with whom you have a conflict, or who makes you feel uncomfortable.

Difficulty: Moderate|
Frequency: 1x/week|
Duration: 15 mins

(1 member rating)

Why You Should Try It

Research suggests that humans have a deeply rooted propensity to be kind and generous, but some obstacles can prevent us from acting on those altruistic impulses. One of the greatest barriers to altruism is that of group difference: We feel much less motivated to help someone if they don’t seem to belong to our group or tribe—that is, if they’re not a member of our “in-group”—and we may even feel hostile toward members of an “out-group.”

But studies have consistently found that who we see as part of our “in-group” can be malleable. That’s why a key to promoting altruism, which involves acting to promote someone else’s welfare even at a risk or cost to oneself, is recognizing commonalities with someone else, even if those similarities aren’t immediately apparent. This exercise is designed to help expand one's sense of shared identity with others.

Participants were more likely to help a fallen jogger when the jogger was a fellow fan of the same soccer team than when the jogger was a fan of a rival team (as indicated by their shirt). But when participants were reminded of a shared identity with the fallen rival (being a soccer fan), they were more likely to help than they were to help a non-fan.

Participants who reported feeling a greater sense of connection to other people, regardless of group distinctions, and to the natural world at large also reported less egocentricity, more concern for others, and less interest in having power over others.

Difficulty: Moderate|
Frequency: 1x/week|
Duration: 15 mins

(1 member rating)

Why It Works

Although people generally want and try to be altruistic, they may also feel competitive toward people outside of their “in-group,” and the boundaries of their in-group might shrink at times when resources seem scarce or they are fearful for their safety. Reminding people to see the basic humanity that they share with those who might seem different from them can help overcome fear and distrust and promote cooperation. Even small similarities, like recognizing a shared love of sports, can foster a greater sense of kinship across group boundaries. Importantly, recognizing commonalities doesn’t mean negating differences, but may in fact help people value differences rather than feeling threatened by them.

Difficulty: Moderate|
Frequency: 1x/week|
Duration: 15 mins

(1 member rating)

Sources

Difficulty: Moderate|
Frequency: 1x/week|
Duration: 15 mins

(1 member rating)

For More

Difficulty: Moderate|
Frequency: 1x/week|
Duration: 15 mins

(1 member rating)

The Shared Identity practice can expand our “in-group” and help us feel a sense of kinship with others. How concerned are you about your community, your fellow citizens, and all of mankind? Take the Connection to Humanity quiz to find out.

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Comments & Reviews

ng tengjie

March 13, 2016

I think it helps to use Maslow's needs as a tool for seeing commonality or humanity: we all share needs for security, self-esteem, etc... Another way to put things is that having in/out-group is essentially having judgements about right/wrong, however a lot of things in life is beyond right/wrong: people are merely acting out to meet certain needs. When we can see these underlying needs, we transcend the need for groups.

Dawn Walker-Elders

January 6, 2016

But studies have consistently found that who we see as part of our “in-group” can be malleable. That’s why it is key to recognizing WE ARE ALL IN THE SAME GROUP (the same "in-group"), which involves acting to promote someone else’s welfare even at a risk or cost to oneself, is recognizing commonalities with someone else, even if those similarities aren’t immediately apparent.
"Altruism" is a dirty word to Ayn Rand followers, and asking them to recognize that we are all in this together might be a big ask, but isn't that a reality: we ARE all in this together. We are all humans with opportunities to, more than survive, succeed! This is not a zero sum game.
Sara, your experience is super common, and I think it is the thing that gets in the way for many of us in looking for commonalities: recognizing those things that bug us in ourselves. Good for you taking it past your comfort zone!

SARA LUZ OROZCO

September 24, 2015

This exercise made me feel uncornfortable, because I´ve been trying to find things that separate me from him, instead with this practice I did just the opposite. And seen that the things that bothers me most in him, somehow I do have them too, appart from the good stuff, it´s hard to see.

SARA LUZ OROZCO

September 24, 2015

This exercise made me feel uncornfortable, because I´ve been trying to find things that separate me from him, instead with this practice I did just the opposite. And seen that the things that bothers me most in him, somehow I do have them too, appart from the good stuff, it´s hard to see.

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