You are trapped on a desert island with the Spice Girls. Food and rum have run out. Which Spice Girl do you eat first?

The Ginger Spice

The Sporty Spice

The Tall Spice

The Relatively Posh Spice

The Baby Spice

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Chase me, ladies, I'm in the cavalry

Saturday, December 19, 2009

STOP PICKING ON THE STASI

The Stasi have been getting a bad press lately, especially in readers’ comments in The Guardian. They’re all, ooh, I got fined for feeding the ducks, the British police are turning into the Stasi. The Bitish police are photographing enemies of the party just like in East Germany.

This is absurd. As well as suppressing dissidents, the Stasi also suppressed wrongdoers and bad apples. They did some fine police work. Life in DDR wasn’t many laughs, but it was safe to walk the streets.

Say what you like about police states, but they do at least have low crime rates.

In Britain we have managed to combine Singaporean levels of mindless niggling harassment with South American levels of crime.

-“Help! Police! There’s an intruder in my house.”

-I’m sorry, we’d love to help. But all our officers are cunting around in a field in Wiltshire, talking photos of some hippies.”

That’s a word-for-word transcript of a conversation I had with them last week. I’m just glad I don’t pay my taxes.