Failure is Okay

This article is the 10th of a 14-part series that explores the core tenets of Get Rich Slowly.

Yesterday, for the first time in my 40-1/2 years on this earth, I went ice skating. Initially, I was scared to try, but I eventually gave in to the taunts from my eight- and ten-year-old friends.

I love roller skating and I’m not too bad at it, but the ice skating…well, it sucked. It took me eight minutes to make it around the rink for the first time, clinging to the wall, my shins in pain. It took me five minutes to make it around a second time. Four minutes for round three.

My first half hour on the ice was an exercise in frustration. I couldn’t make it more than a few feet without falling or lunging for the wall. Worst of all, I had to swallow my pride and accept advice from Tristan, Emma, and Harrison, my grade-school guides. (Emma, especially, was keen to skate around with me saying, “You’re doing great, J.D.! Good, good.”)

This isn’t me, but I’m very familiar with that pose…

By the end of afternoon, I could make it around the rink on my own. My steps were shaky and uncertain, but ultimately my personal best was 2-1/2 laps before falling or grabbing the wall. I’ll never be an Elvis Stojko (nor even a Tonya Harding), but now I can say I’ve been ice skating. I could have let my early failures and frustrations get me down. I could have left the ice and said, “I’m not doing this anymore.” Instead, I stuck with it. I’m glad I did.

The ability to keep going in the face of failure is critical to success when learning to skate — and when learning to manage your money. Nobody’s perfect. We all make mistakes with money every day. I’ve made tons in the past, and I continue to make them. Here are just a few examples:

When I bought my used Mini Cooper last spring, I let emotion override my better judgment, and ended up paying more for the car (and getting less for my trade-in) than I should have.

I could name dozens of other examples big and small. But the key is every time I realize I’ve made a financial mistake, I try to learn from it so I don’t repeat it in the future. Sometimes I do repeat my mistakes, but I try not to. Instead, I try to fail forward.

Building success from the ashes of failure
In Failing Forward, John C. Maxwell writes that there are seven key abilities that allow successful people to overcome failure instead of taking each setback personally. Successful people:

Reject rejection. Successful people don’t blame themselves when they fail. They take responsibility for each setback, but they don’t take the failure personally.

View failure as temporary. “People who personalize failure see a problem as a hole they’re permanently stuck in,” writes Maxwell. “But achievers see any predicament as temporary.”

View each failure as an isolated incident. Successful people don’t define themselves by individual failures. They recognize that each setback is a small part of the whole.

Have realistic expectations. This one is huge. Too many people start big projects — such as paying off their debt — with the unrealistic expectation that they’ll see immediate results. Success takes time. When you pursue anything worthwhile, there are going to be bumps along the way. And remember: The perfect is the enemy of the good.

Focus on strengths. This was one of the biggest lessons I took away from Tim Ferriss’ The 4-Hour Workweek. When I interviewed Ferriss last year, I asked him to expand on this idea. He told me: “Focus on leveraging and amplifying your strengths, which allows you to multiply your results. Fix any fatal weaknesses to the extent that they prevent you from reaching your goals, but perfection isn’t the path to your objectives; finding ways to cater to your strengths is.”

Vary approaches. “Achievers are willing to vary their approaches to problems,” Maxwell writes. “That’s important in every walk of life, not just business.” If one approach doesn’t work for you, if it brings repeated failure, then try something else. Maxwell is saying that to fail forward, you must do what works for you, not necessarily what works for other people.

Bounce back. Finally, successful people are resilient. They don’t let one error keep them down. They learn from their mistakes and move on.

These seven points form a firm foundation for dealing with failure in all parts of life, including personal finance. As you pay off your debt, as you learn to invest, as you cut your spending, accept that some failure is inevitable. But you are not your mistakes. Own them, learn from them, and move on. (And remember: Good habits keep small mistakes manageable.)

It’s never too late to change direction, to start making smart choices. If you’re 40 and don’t have retirement savings, you can start saving tomorrow. If you’re 30 and staggering under the weight of credit card debt, you can cut up your cards and make a commitment to change direction. The wonder of the future is that it can be built upon the ashes of the past.

At 40, I can look at who I am and can connect the dots back through my life. Though I regret not saving for retirement when I was younger, though I regret accumulating massive credit card debt, though I regret living a consumerist lifestyle, I see now that these experiences made me the man I am today. Without them, I wouldn’t be motivated to help others make smart money decisions. (And let’s be clear: I am not advocating that others repeat the mistakes I’ve made.)

Failure is okay
Every day I write this blog, I’m afraid I’ll fail. (At my personal site, I recently said I’ve experienced “1000 days of doubt” at Get Rich Slowly.) Whenever I do my weekly podcast, I’m afraid I’ll fail. And as I’ve written my book over the past nine weeks, I’ve been afraid of failure every single day. But I do these things anyhow. I know that if I don’t try the things I’m scared of — if I don’t risk failure — I’ll never succeed.

Look for a new installment in this series every Monday through the end of the year.

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Failure is something all successful people go through. We need to change our paradigm about failing and embrace it.

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Dalene Norum

top quality posting, I’m posting it on FB!

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sterndal

if you will ask me, failure is only okay if it doesn’t happen too often. if i don’t succeed the second time, i will surely try another way of getting rich 🙂

great post

cheers

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Damilola

This post reminds me of a quote from Thomas Edison (which the first commenter alluded to) while working on the electric bulb: “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work”
There’s no success where there hasn’t been failure. It doesn’t take the fear of failure away totally, just gives us something to fall back on when we do fail.
Thanks for the reminder J.D.

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Stephen Davis

Very encouraging and enjoyable. Getting a mentor so you don’t make mistakes that have been made before is a great idea and goes well with your article.

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Jake @ Dollar Commentary

Failure is something that our society nowadays cannot even consider being a good thing.

It’s a foreign concept to us that failing could actually be a good thing and have good results, such as learning from your mistakes and forcing a person to consider other solutions and alternatives.

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frugalscholar

I have often thought that taking criticism well is key to success also.

But then there’s the “dark side’ we don’t want to think about (courtesy of Emily Dickinson):

Success is counted sweetest
By those who ne’er succeed…

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Allison

This article was just what I needed today! Thank you!

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stonalino

JD, I love that you’re from Portland, but I REALLY loved the Tonya shout out in this post! 🙂

I’m in the process of taking what is turning out to be a big risk at work, and I’m loving it! Regardless of how the “higher ups” measure this experiment, to me it’s already a success. Wouldn’t have done it without you having my back.

Professionally I teach companies how to use a Lean Management approach in business which is modeled after the Toyota’s famed Toyota Production System.

Routinely when our companies begin a major project we use a Daruma Doll to symbolize their commitment. The Daruma story includes the concept that in life we often encounter failures but we persevere to overcome them. Literally we use the saying “Nanakorobi Yaoki,” translated to mean seven times down, Eight times up.

These concepts that you shared so eloquently are core to the success of so many corporations that have applied these principles including Ford, Toyota, Boeing, Nike and now even Starbucks.

And you are correct this perseverance is applicable and beneficial to one’s personal life as well.

Keep up the great work!

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Wojciech Kulicki

It’s great to read posts like this because they inspire me to keep going. I think that reflecting on past mistakes is one of my biggest downfalls, and I struggle daily to get over things I’ve done a long, long time ago.

It’s good to see that not only can it be done, but you can be financially successful in spite of it.

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Credit Card Chaser

I don’t know what it is about ice skating but even though I consider myself a fairly athletic person as I have played college basketball, fought competitively as a kickboxer, and also played high school soccer there is just something about ice skating that has always been very embarassing for me!

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Patty

Great Job JD –

It reminds me of a paper I had to write for my economics final on the elasticity of demand – I chose to find out what makes cat food sell. (I just got a cat! go figure)

So off the the library and coming the stacks for lots of statistics, journals, and assorted other information. Back to the lab and pour all this stuff into the model we were using (kinda a geek class too) and voila – I write my paper finding that of all the items I researched I did not find the answer as to how to increase demand and hence what sells cat food.

The Prof GAVE ME A F! LOL very wrong for the Prof as I then went up to the Prof an told her that there is big money knowing what not to chose!

She sat there and listened and then reversed the decision to a A+. She indicated that no one ever presented the paper in the same manner.

So my two cents – failures are good learning tools.

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The Broken Penny

JD, great post! I recently started a personal finance blog after being inspired by blogs like yours. Since starting I often find myself feeling frustrated with my writing skills, but I know if I push through those moments I will get better. I think the weak give up, so as long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other you can’t lose.
@Kevin, that Jordan quote is one of my favorites as well.

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bethh

Oh, that shin pain! It’s so intense and I don’t know how to avoid it! I’ve never been a good or fast ice skater, but it IS fun to do every now and then. Have you roller-skated at Oaks Park? That is an amazing old-school experience.

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cory huff

I’m always attracted to discussions of failure. It seems to me that if one is succeeding more than failing, then one isn’t taking enough risks in life – or else, you’re way more perfect than anyone I know.

Failure is tough – but it takes us where we need to go.

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Dave

If at first you don’t succeed, sky-diving isn’t a good idea, just make sure your failures don’t have too steep of a learning curve that when you fail first you can survive it.
Your learning to skate, at a ice rink, with people, if something happens no biggie, good, learning to skate at the back pond by your self and if you fall and break your leg you freeze before you are missed, bad.
Investing a small part of your savings in stocks when young, could be good, someone thats 65 and drops it all on one stock, and has no background in it, bad.

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Foxie || CarsxGirl

This is extremely timely for me…. I just succumbed to some shopping temptation, and spent $47 on three things. But I used some of my savings to cover this, savings that’s set aside specifically for spending on things I find and would like to have. (And decide there’s a space they fit in in my life that isn’t filled by something else.)

I’m also going to be tackling an over-inflated credit card bill this month. I’ve sworn that I will pay it off and not pay any more interest to this card, and it’s looking like about $200 will need to come from some already-depleted savings accounts to help cover it. (Savings not related to the aforementioned account.) I feel like we’ve backslid a lot because of it, but we’ve managed to tame our budget extremely temporarily to cover the expense.

In fact, I’m optimistic that some of the cutting back will stick, and we’ll be able to save more going forward, even if it feels like a setback right now.

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Ken

I’m glad it’s OK because I’ve had my share. My best approach now is to make fewer of them. I definitely need to learn from them. Otherwise, failure has done nothing for me.

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Jason @ Redeeming Riches

Great post! This is something that I need to remind myself of often. Many times I don’t want to try new things because I’m afraid to fail – when in reality it’s because of failures that I’ve learned the most.

I too could cite examples of money failures and have used those to learn from. I wouldn’t be able to relate to others in my job (financial planning) if it weren’t for past mistakes.

As long as we are learning from them – failures can be great stepping stones!!

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Rachel

JD, I’ve enjoyed your site for a while, but I will love you forever now that you’ve made an Elvis Stojko reference.

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Tracy

Sandy L., I really like your perspective on failure. I place far more value on discovering the things I don’t want or need in life, than the (very) few things I am sure I do want/need. This applies to issues of career, relationships, and life goals.

The things I don’t want in my life serve as beacons from which to keep a distance, so that I can continue down the road of life in the direction of the things I do want — many of which I haven’t discovered yet.

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Victoria

Thanks for the timely post. I failed to study for the LSAT this year and hence wasted money paid for registration (I registered for December 5, 2009!). I’ll re-register for June, I have established a study schedule to see me through the process. This failure will be my propellant to the next level.

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april

If you want a lesson about failure and perfection take up cross stitching. Its next to impossible to follow every single instruction, threads tangle, stitches have to be taken out, and patience is required to continue towards the end goal. But after everything is said and done, no one sees the back of the fabric where there are 10 tangled strands of thread, or where you accidentally miscounted and added an extra three stitches to the end of a row. The only thing that anyone notices is that you finished the project, and that it might have a bit more character than was originally planned.

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cm

I love what you wrote, “I know that if I don’t try the things I’m scared of — if I don’t risk failure — I’ll never succeed.” This is so completely true of all things we want to gain and move forward with in life. I love today’s post. Thank you for sharing your insights. And keep skating!

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Sandy L

This struck a cord. I’m an engineer and in one of my former jobs, it was my responsibility to troubleshoot manufacturing problems. A second part of the role was figuring out how to do something when it’s never been done before (invention).

My method was simple. 1) List out all the things that could potentially be the solution 2) Start eliminating the things that aren’t it.

You make the best guess at what’s most likely the solution and start working your way through the list.

Every dead end could be seen as failure, but in reality, it’s one step closer to your answer.

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David F

Great article! Some of my favorite failure-related quotes are:

“One who fears limits his activities. Failure is only the opportunity to more intelligently begin again.” – Henry Ford

“Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” – Oliver Goldsmith

“To get out of a difficulty, go through it.” – Samuel Easton

“It is difficulties that show what men are.” – Epictetus

“Don’t let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.” – Richard L. Evans

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MrsCasanova

I agree, failure is the best tool to success. But everything in moderation.

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Sarah

31 years ago I went on a first date with my now husband. First (and last) time ice skating. I thought the hardest was just getting to the ice! I think they put the benches closer now!

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Tomas Stonkus

Dear J.D.:

That is how we learn in life. If we run from failure we will never learn. If we don’t learn, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we waste our lives.

I say we should invite failure to our lives. That does not mean failing on purpose, but it means taking chances and being ready for consequences.

Failure makes life exciting and interesting. If you don’t fail, then you either are a god or a just plain lazy.

Best,
Tomas

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Don@moneyreasons.com

Failure is a funny thing. We all forget that before we learned to ride a bike (or walk), we failed over and over again! And if we didn’t, we’d all be crawling.

Luckily, the most influential people in our history never let failure hold them back. Some (if not most) of them failed over and over again (maybe they didn’t beat themselves up over it). Everybody fails sometimes, Benjamin Franklin (arithmetic), Abe Lincoln (too many to list), Albert Einstein (school), etc. The list goes on and on. The trick is never to give up or let it slow you down!

It took me a long time to learn that lesson… I hope I can teach it to my kids!

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Craig

As ironic as it sounds, sometimes failure can lead to the best. Maybe you failed and can learn some things from it, or learn what went wrong and how to fix it for next time. Always put a positive spin on it and try to work harder the next time.

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mbm

Hey, don’t dis Tonya Harding! She was a great skater, that whole knee-bashing incident aside.

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Oleg Mokhov

Hey J.D.,

The opposite of success isn’t failure, it’s giving up.

Failure is simply finding out what doesn’t work. The faster we fail, the sooner we find what does work and achieve results. We fail often to succeed faster (hope me linking to an article I wrote isn’t spammy… just thought it’s relevant and helpful to the topic)

Plus, failure is a natural part of doing things too. We all suck at first, so the only way to get better at something is to just keep failing, learning what works, and doing that. Over time, we get better, do the thing more effectively, and achieve greater results.

Here’s to frequent calculated failure to succeed faster,
Oleg

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elisabeth

Learning from failure is a great idea — but I’m not sure it is the same thing as forcing yourself to continue to do something that you’re not good at or aren’t enjoying. It may be that JD will never enjoy ice-skating, and of course he doesn’t have to.
Recognizing when to give up on something and move on is hard, because it can mean accepting changes that are not what one hoped for (I’m thinking especially in relationships, or in recognizing that a particular career path won’t work for you: how long should one try for an acting career or look for a college teaching job?)

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Katrina

It is so imperative to our growth that we embrace our failures. As a society we typically handle them all wrong (freeze, fight or flee methods come to mind). If we see and accept our failures, we’re learning how to take responsibility. If we don’t, we’re living in denial and doomed to repeat the same mistakes and never get on our intended course. Failure (for lack of a better word) is a great definer.

I read Failing Forward just recently and it delivers an important message we’re just not looking close enough at.

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Tracy

JD, this post sums up everything I like about your blog. Thanks for putting yourself out there for us!

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David C

Great post. Two years ago on the day before Thanksgiving, while surfing the web during a slow pre-holiday work day, I discovered Get Rich Slowly. J.D.’s story struck a nerve with me, as I was in debt more than I had ever been before in my life. I was determined that I would have the debt paid off within two years as well as hit a few other financial goals. Today, Well I am still in debt, altghough no where nearly as much as back then.

Two years ago, I would have considered this as a failure and beat myself up mercilessly. I realize now that you can’t just give up if you don’t make it work the first time. Where would any of us be if we didn’t try someting new and fail? Most of my best learned lessons came from failures.

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Nicole

Great post! And something we’re trying to instill in our own child, who is perhaps too used to easy successes, and keep reminding ourselves. It does seem to get easier as we get older and recover from ever more failures. But each failure really is a learning experience.

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Kevin

I’m embarrassed to admit this, but one of the most inspiring commentary I’ve seen regarding failure was a Nike commercial featuring Michael Jordan:

“I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot, and I missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
– Michael Jordan

I’ve admitted many of my own failures on this site (such as paying $40,000 for a VW Jetta, and losing $20,000 in a charitable donation tax shelter scam). Mathematically, I would be better ahead without those failures. However, I might’ve instead just blown the money on other things, without having learned the valuable lessons such spectacular failures have taught me. Those experiences have shaped me and made me a better investor, consumer, and husband.

Part of my motivation for participating in sites like GRS is to try and help pass those lessons on to others, without them having to suffer the devestating blows to their finances. However, the more I think about it, the more I wonder if the actual loss is necessary to truly learn the lesson. Maybe these kinds of things can’t be taught – they have to be experienced for yourselves.

Good post.

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Kevin M

I took my son (2 yrs and 4 months) ice skating for the first time over the weekend. It was pretty special to hold him while we glided around the ice and pick him up when he fell down.

I’m going to add this post to the list of stuff I want him to read when he grows up. I think it’s important to always challenge yourself and try new things but fear of failure (or what other people think of you failing) can really hold us back sometimes.

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John DeFlumeri Jr

Well said and true as always. Keep going in the face of a recent failure. it gives you another chance at success.

John DeFlumeri Jr

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Little House

Your ice skating experience reminded me of my first skiing experience. It was miserable! But, I kept trying and eventually became an adequate skier for a few years. The lesson learned was keep trying. If you don’t succeed, at least you can say you tried your best and move on.

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Dustin | Engaged Marriage

If we never fail, then we simply haven’t tried anything new and challenging. What good is a life spent being sheepish and mundane? I’d much rather experience some failures and actually live a life!

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KS

Timely post – like Brett above, I’m going through this path of failure right now in my career, and it’s forcing me to consider carefully what my next steps are. Using the energy of negativity to figure out what next steps are is a Good Thing.

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Jackie

“The ability to keep going in the face of failure is critical to success” — truer words were never said. On a very basic level, we’d all still be flopping around on our bellies if it weren’t for continuing on in the face of failure: how else does anyone ever learn to walk? It’s a part of the process. We can’t get anywhere without failure, so why not embrace it?

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Tyler Tervooren

“Fall down 7 times, get up 8.”

I really like the ring of that. I have to modify the number to a much higher one, but the meaning behind it holds true; you must always try again and try something different.

As they say, the only way to fail is to stop trying.

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Sam

Small steps in the right direction are still steps in the right direction.

I say, pick a goal and start working at it. If its finances, pick one small habit and change it, like bring your lunch each day instead of buying lunch. That $5/day saved is $25 a week, $100 a month, put that money towards your emergency fund or your debt. Start tracking your spending, a wonderful way to figure out where the money leaks are, cut up the credit cards and switch to debit or cash.

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Saundra

A coaching colleague says that the coaching skills either take a client deeper or moves them forward. So, in my mind failure is simply the decision one makes to stay down when things don’t go well rather than go deeper or move forward.

Keep up the good work JD!

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Writers Coin

I’ve always tried to look at failure as an opportunity to test myself and see what I’m made of. How will I react to this situation and what will I do to get past it? We aren’t tested very often, but failure is one of those times where you can truly find out what you’re made of when the going gets rough.

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lostAnnfound

I agree with Craig; failure is a learning experience as long you keep at the task. If you give up, you’ve learned nothing.

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Brett McKay

I’m in the process of learning this important lesson. I have a tendency to dwell on my failures and let them define me. Not very productive.

I’ve gotten better, though.

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Mark Foo | 77SuccessTraits.com

Hi J.D.,

What a great post! It is so important to educate people about failure. Just as you said, “The ability to keep going in the face of failure is critical to success.” You provided some excellent points on how to overcome failure. I’d like to add to your post the different ways of defining failure so that people can see “failure” from a different perspective.

These definitions are what I learnt from Dr. Robert H. Schuller‘s book, Success is Never Ending, Failure is Never Final:

Failure doesn’t mean you were dump to try; it means you had courage to explore and experiment to see what would work and what would not.

Failure doesn’t mean you don’t know how to make decisions; it just means you have to make another decision.

Failure doesn’t mean you’re a failure… It does mean you haven’t succeeded yet.

Failure doesn’t mean you have accomplished nothing… It does mean you have learnt something.

Failure doesn’t mean you have been a fool… It does mean you had a lot of faith.

Failure doesn’t mean you’ve been disgraced… It does mean you were willing to try.

Failure doesn’t mean you don’t have it… It does mean you have to do something in a different way.

Failure doesn’t mean you are inferior… It does mean you are not perfect.

Failure doesn’t mean you’ve wasted your life… It does mean you have a reason to start afresh.

Failure doesn’t mean you should give up… It does mean you must try harder.

Failure doesn’t mean you’ll never make it… It does mean it will take a little longer.

Failure doesn’t mean you’re finished… It does mean you have a chance to try something new.

Failure is never final!

And if you’re a religious person, here’s another one for you from Dr. Schuller:

Failure doesn’t mean God has abandoned you… It does mean God has a better idea!

Cheers~

Mark

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Craig Ford

JD,
I think we could even say failure is essential. A scientist friend of mine had 78 trials before he perfected a flavor he was working on developing. Each “failure” he said was just a lesson in how to improve his next experiment.
The same is true of personal finances. Our failures teach us valuable lessons. The lesson are only useful if we are paying attention.
I look back over the last ten years and I’m thankful for my failures because they have taught me priceless lessons.

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