Friday, April 30, 2010

A thought (or six or seven or thirty-two...okay, not thirty-two) and a pedophile van!

1. Hearing about the oil spill in the ocean makes me feel like I can't breathe. 2. My cousin has a "coupon/great deal alert" blog that is INSANELY awesome, and I am a jerk for not telling you about savvy sister shops until now. I filled 9 (yes, n.i.n.e.) color and black ink cartridges for a dollar a piece on earth day because of her blog. Believe me, you want to go to there. You really do. You should just stop by there every day and peruse the awesome deals so you don't miss something great.3. Our neighbor just came over and told the hubs that Miss Bella barked the. whole. time. Oops. Sorry neighbs.4. Hearing about the drug cartels that are pretty much taking over Mexico makes me feel like I can't breathe.5. I can't wait for my parents' new Ferron house to be finished already! I am ready for some Grub Box, and Milsite, and small town happy.6. I napped for 2 hours today. I didn't even really need to, but I did it anyway.7. My cousin Jen came by with a huge box of REALLY cute maternity clothes at the crack of dawn this morning. (FREE Rock and Republic Preggo Jeans, are you kidding me!?) I sort of love her so much it hurts.8. Speaking of babies, did you know that I am officially entering my THIRD trimester?! You know what I have to say to that? "WHA?!!!!" and "NO WAY!!!!" This is flying by. I am so grateful. Baby Bob is 15.3 inches long and weighs two lil' pounds. He is kicking my guts to smithereens, and I am loving every second of it.9. Speaking of being pregnant, did you know that lots and lots and lots of women are struggling to get pregnant? They totally are. And it is really, really hard. I struggled for 5 years, and it hurt pretty much the whole time. You know those creepy little floating fetus things that expectant moms put on their side bar to count down how many days they have until baby comes? Well those sort of killed me during those 5 long years of infertility. I wanted to be able to put one on my blog. I wanted to be able to celebrate and anticipate the upcoming birth of a beautiful, new little person. But I couldn't. And it hurt. Now I am pregnant, and I have no desire to put a floating fetus on my blog, but I do want to say this to my infertility sisters: Your life is perfect exactly the way it is RIGHT now. You are hurting, but you are also growing. You will be stronger and better and more ready for the rest of the challenges that lie ahead because of what you are going through now. Not knowing the whens and the ifs of pregnancy is so. hard. But I promise that it is perfect - if you let it be. Until then, please feel free to cry, take unwarranted naps, talk your best friend's ears off. Talk my ears off. Talk your hubby's ears off. And write lots and lots of venting blogs when you feel like you just can't take it anymore.10. Speaking of infertility, did you know that this is the last day of "Infertility Awareness Month"? I know I am a little late telling you this, but as my sis-in-law Nancy texted me earlier today "Well, you know us infertility folk, always late with no results!" Ahhh ha ha ha! So I say, better late than never (both in reference to miraculous little babies, and in reference to my very late mention of Infertility Awareness Month.) This video knocked my socks off. (It may take a moment to upload because it is getting a crazy number of hits, because it is awesome, but just open it in a new window (by holding down shift when you click on the link) and give it a few minutes to load.) I think that every woman (fertile or not) should watch it. If you have ever wondered what it is like to walk in the shoes of a woman struggling with infertility, this is a pretty accurate depiction. I thought it was my fault. I secretly wished that Kyle had married someone who could have given him lots of healthy, fat babies and wasn't an emotional wreck half the month. I wondered if I would ever pee on a stick and see two pink lines ever again. (I still have to resist the urge to pee on pregnancy tests DAILY just to see the two pink lines now. How did a pink line and/or the absence thereof come to have so much power?) I felt like a burden for sisters-in-law and other friends and relatives who easily conceived. I felt like they didn't feel like they could celebrate their wonderful gift of fertility and pregnancy around me. I felt like every "We're having a baby!" announcement was tinged with guilt for being able to have a baby when I couldn't, and there was much apprehension at the prospect of their joy causing me sorrow (which, it didn't by the way, but I know that it FELT like it did.) It was really, really hard. And if you ever want to better understand - you should watch the video. It's short, brilliant, and inspiring rather than depressing at the end! (Yay for that.)11. Back to floating countdown fetuses for a sec. Women should totally put floating fetuses on their blogs if that is how they want to celebrate their pregnancy. I wouldn't wish infertility on my worst enemy, and I certainly don't think that we should celebrate these little miracles any less just because a lot of people can't get pregnant. I for one, was always glad that someone that I loved was able to experience that joy, even when I couldn't. That was very healing for me. We should celebrate every happy thing we can find. Especially babies. Even other people's plentiful baby-filled uterus's (uteri?). Even when we wish it was us. Because really, life is good. And one day it will be your turn. And one day, you'll look back and see that even though it was hard...it was also perfect. "Easy for YOU to say!" (You may say...and that's okay, you can yell that at your computer screen. It IS easy for me to say, because I've just come out on the other side of it...and I wouldn't change a thing. And someone said it to me 4 years ago...and while I couldn't quite relate...or know for certain that what she said would be true for me...I felt comfort when she said it...I hope you feel comfort too.)12. Still talking about floating fetus widgets... I do think they're rather creepy though. There. I said it. And I'm not even sorry.13. The pedophile van died on us today. I knew I shouldn't have jinxed it. I really love that van. We were going to go camping in it this June. I hope it's not too expensive to fix... :(14. I'm still really upset and worried about dolphins being slaughtered in "The Cove." Thinking about it sort of makes me feel like I can't breathe.15. I need to eat again...and I just ate.16. I discovered a cheeseburger at the Art City Trolley that I have dreams about at night. It is a huge slab of beef soaked in A1, grilled to perfection and topped with jalapenos, pepper jack cheese, and fried onion rings. Oh, be still my heart.17. Because of the recent oil spill, I fear I will never be able to eat shrimp and sushi, and other great treasures of the sea again. This is a very scary prospect for a pregnant girl. I care about the environment at large as well... I'm just sayin'...sushi...mmmmmm.18. Are you in love with my pedophile van yet? I should have shown you the interior. It is blue velvet. It has wood. It has blinds and curtains and a space for a large, boxy television set. If our house burned down, we could move in there and live quite happily/comfortably. Kortland has made it very clear that he never wants us to get a different vehicle as long as we live. I hope you love it too.

17 comments:

Lovin' the van. Hope it won't cost too much to fix.SO excited for your new baby!! :)Sorry the neighbors called animal control. Not cool. Those ward directories are handy for stuff like looking up your neighbors phone #. Hopefully they'll learn that soon.Have a good weekend!

Hey! You don't have to get a floating fetus widget lady! You can get a cute little mama with a baby bump as the picture silly... but fine!!! I just didn't want to bug you all the time about how many weeks you are...but now I'm going to...so there! HA!

We are going on year 2 and your video is PERFECT. I can't tell you how much I dread a pregnancy announcement on facebook. My favorite, my SIL had an ectopic and less than 2 weeks later was pregnant again. Against dr. advice. I hate feeling bitter.... Great post

I wanted to HAVE a baby soooooo bad, but NOT as MUCH as I wanted to be A MOM. It took a L-O-N-G time to get to that point. But yeah for my 3 adopted wonderful awesome babies that are mine forever and ever to hold and love and raise. Thanks for posting the video for all of the people who bonded with you over/during the infertility. Thanks for NOT posting the floating baby countdown.

I love you! "Nuf said!" ;o) But seriously, thank you for reminding me that there are SO many wonderful things in my life (amidst some pretty crappy things)to be grateful for, and those are the things that REALLY matter! You are such a great friend to me and I'm glad that my early attempts to sabotage a really great friendship didn't work!! Happy third trimester!

You crack me up!! I have just added a comment to the last couple of posts. I couldn't help myself, I think you have the best attitude about most things. I wish I could be as content as you are when the money is a little tight. My husband works from home and sometimes we are waiting for accounts to be paid - stresses me out. Enjoy being preggo!!