Where shall I start?

Sometimes I wish that there’s a technology that can capture particular thoughts which one cannot record in time.

I am currently sitting at Starbucks, feeling an urge to go to the toilet yet do not feel like leaving my seat just yet.

Mmm..How shall I sum up the lengthy amount of things that had happened…

And so I successful set up an art gallery within three months, left the job, went to Bangkok twice in January looking into the possibility of taking over my mother’s business and also setting up a cafe. Currently encouraged by my boyfriend, I am also trying to start my label ( the one that I stopped halfway in 2010) while looking for a job in the corporate world for experience.

I know as a fresh grad without much experience, one cannot be choosy or too selective. However I cannot help but feel less excited about applying to certain companies “just for the sake of it”. I was feeling down and really stressed about my situation. I did try a number of things to make me feel better such as meeting people, organising networking events, going to entrepreneur talks, however the fact that time is passing rapidly each day and my bank account shrinking with it does not help.

The last entry I was blogging about that being stuck in the bottomless pit is good in a way as one cannot get any lower in it. And yes indeed I have some good news to share.

It is barely anything to celebrate yet but it is kinda like a spark that lights in my “bottomless pit” and therefore its presence overwhelms greatly in the darkness.

I applied to Procter & Gamble several weeks ago. This will be really be considered as the “DREAM JOB” and also “THE COMPANY” that I want to work for. I took the personality test online and went through to the reasoning test. And then an email told me that they would inform me if I made it to the next round of application. A week passed and then another. I was kinda disappointed although I didn’t really tell anyone. Of course the first reason is that ” oh no I’ve missed my chance” and then the next ” Maybe I am not as smart as I thought to pass the reasoning test”.

Well it’s been a month since the last test I took and guess what?

I received an email yesterday that informed me to go down to the office for the next round of test! 🙂

Well, let’s see how things go. Life being so unpredictable and hope comes when one least expects.

Meanwhile I am going to continue to meet up friends, mentors and contacts, it gets tiring but I will keep on going finding clovers 🙂

One of my favourite P&G ads Emotional Marketing) so good that I teared..

The time when you know that things are definitely going to change for the better is when you are right at the pit bottom where things can’t get any worse. However the next fear would be that- what if nothing changes and one just get stuck in this bottomless pit for a really long time?

The funny thing is that everytime when I land into one of these so called “bottomless pits”, I always came out no matter how I felt it was never going to end; the irony is that everytime I just feel equally helpless or demoralised. The situation never stays the same, it will come to an end and turn for the better..just that no one knows the time frame.

I am currently in this stage of my life where I felt so helpless, vulnerable and demoralised from time to time, and I would just cry in frustration when things don’t go the way I anticipated. I would then look back at all the other times when I thought I wouldn’t be able to go on and it gave me strength to know that I am a lot stronger than I think I am.

A year before this, I would never expect to be going through or have gone through all these events that I am now. Nor have I foresee myself to be in my current situation. Have I become a little wiser or smarter? Maybe. But I do know that I can definitely cope with setbacks.

It gets frustrating at times. Especially when you face one after another too often too soon. But I guess that is also the fastest way to learn and also grow. However I feel exhausted sometimes. I am still young and should not be feeling this way. Is it because of all the things that happened to me throughout my whole life that made me feel so old? Or is it just a growing process to feel this kind of exhaustion, fear and perplexity.

What do I love? What do I love enough to do it day and night? What do I love enough to do it for years or maybe the rest of my life?

A friend once told me, the way to know if something fits you is to try it. Remember going shopping with a mate and then she points out a shirt and says, “Hey, try this! I think this will look good on you”.

And you slowly declined, ” No this will make me look fat or pale or.. some other not too positive things.”

How do you know?

It is because you’ve tried it before and therefore you know.

The point she was trying to make to me was the same as finding a career in life. Some jobs may seem interesting to one but one will only know if it is true to one till he/she tries it.

As ambitious I may get, I feel an urge to drop everything and travel to somewhere far from home. Live life simply just a year. To understand myself without the influence of others. I’ve always been having this crazy urge for the last few years, maybe one day it will really manifest. At least for now, I am too realistic to do so.

I am looking into volunteering, perhaps it will be a good opportunity to hone my skills and find something I am really passionate about while doing a good cause.

I just need to make things happen.

Music can be very therapeutic in many ways. It helps one to sort out of emotions, or even sort as a form of release especially when one can relate to the lyrics. Many months ago, I was doing a search on breakup songs (I know it seems kinda dumb but I was in quite a mess beginning of the year) and couldn’t really find a really nice list. Therefore I’ve decided to put up a list of it now that I am going through another one. Actually the songs are really nice to listen whether you are broken-hearted or not.

I’ll continue to update on this list and add more categories.

List of MOVING ON/ BREAKUP SONGS

1. Alanis morrissette-Narcissus

Not exactly my favourite tune, but like the interesting lyrics. I’m sure most have met people as described in the song 🙂

2. Stacie Orrico – I’m Not Missing You

I would say this song sums up my romantic relationships this year.

3. Joy Williams – If You Wanna Go

I really like the melody and the simplicity of the lyrics. And it also captures the essence of my current breakup.

4. Letoya Luckett – Don’t Need You

Was on my constant playlist beginning of the year.Very nice motivational song with great bass. (Nice for runs)

5. Pussy Cats Dolls- Hush Hush Hush

Will always love this. Favourite song to dance to:)

6. Nelly- Just a Dream

Although I like the cover of it done by a girl on youtube much better.

7. Bruno Mars- Grenade

One of the latest songs at the moment. Easy to listen to.

8. Ne-Yo – Single

A good addition to the playlist with a nice rhythm.

9. Glen Hansard- Falling Slowly

Not exactly a breakup song but it has something very soothing about it. I love this song from the first moment I heard it few years back. Breakup or not.

Seriously, I admire the discipline of how some people have the discipline to blog so often. To date, I think I have more drafts than published entries. I would type halfway and then just got stuck, unable to clearly express my thoughts. Saving whatever I’ve typed as a draft but would forget about it within the next couple of hours.

I have just returned from Europe. Spent two weeks touring- London, Rome, Venice, Florence and Paris. Pretty tight schedule but would say I had lots of fun especially when it comes to eating.No places beat Rome to have the best and reasonably priced pasta and pizza. Shopping is the best in Florence. While Paris definitely have the nicest night life. Perhaps I shall write in depth of my journey when I have time. Meanwhile I’ll just post one picture(favourite) that I’ve taken for each city I went.

I am still suffering for jetlag and finding it really hard to sleep, however by the end of this entry, I’ll be ready to get into slumber.

London

Rome

Venice

Florence

Paris

Okay I am still not sleepy yet but I’ll try to sleep…got work tomorrow so I can’t really afford to stay up the whole night:(

“We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed”

2010 is a year that has been putting me through many changes and challenges. Whatever I’ve known, strongly believed in and expectations of life seem to be put to a test by people I meet and other circumstances.

I can’t help but to feel discouraged at times. Sometimes, I feel as if I am like a frail flower in the wind; trying to stay steadfast and not be blown away or be broken by the harsh surroundings.

And then I’ll think about all the things that I’ve already gone through and borrow some strength from it. I’ll constantly remind myself, repeating again and again in my head, ” You gotta remember that you are different. YOU ARE DIFFERENT. Don’t be swayed to bend or conform to the warped values and rules of the society.”

I think it works. Or rather it has always worked for me since I was a kid. For you guys who didn’t know, I went through quite a rough childhood and teenage-hood. It was really difficult to pull through at certain periods and really easy to just falter in one’s beliefs.

Life is not easy. It never is.

Nor life is fair. It never will be.

However we got to find strength within ourselves to fight the battle. We never really win but we will stop ourselves from caving in and being less than who we really are.

The problem with experience is that it gives you knowledge. And the knowledge is a double-edged sword, which can be beneficial at times however may also implant fear in one.

” In regards to the future, it’s a good thing that we do not know enough to be pessimistic”

Therefore the constant reminder of “You are different” to oneself does not work as effectively as it would when I was much younger and more innocent. So I add to the reminder to self that many extraordinary successful people have met with many obstacles and failures before arriving to what they have. Just like the quote:

“History has demonstrated that the most notable winners usually encountered heartbreaking obstacles before they triumphed. They won because they refused to become discouraged by their defeats. “–B. C. Forbes

Therefore, if you ever feel too weary and am tempted to give up…DON’T!

The pain is natural and mixed feelings of disappointment, discouragement and unhappiness might occur but continue to persist on. I will never know what the future holds but all I know for now is that I won’t let anything pull me down. And so won’t you too! 🙂

“Pain nourishes courage. You can’t be brave if you’ve only had wonderful things happen to you.”

Though now it seems like the one of the doors is swinging from side to side, still uncertain if it will close or remain opened. However good news is that the other door is opened and I have made a choice to walk through it.

And so, I met up with the boss of the job I’ve decided to take up and got myself on board the team 🙂

It had been a tough decision choosing between the both startups and also to give up options with the MNCs.

But as the saying goes,

” If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary.”

I’ll only be starting work officially next week, however will mostly be on my own for the first month. The job opportunity is a pretty unique one. Basically I am required to set up a multi-usage art gallery from scratch with the other team members. I will get my hands fromplanning the gallery layout, liaising with contractors, planning the marketing and branding strategies, preparing the marketing collateral, etc..

I will provide more details as I get on with the job. Meanwhile now, I have yet to turn down the other job offer. The other boss is a really pleasant person as well (have good rapport with too) and I knew how keen she was to have me on her team. She was willing to up the salary offer and also give in to my request of regular salary/incentive review based on performance. And this start-up is a F&B (food and beverages) venture and therefore it is extremely applicable to my family business.

The decision was tough as I weighed both pros and cons of each option. I chose the art gallery finally because it will expose me to setting up a business from scratch and also give me the experience of marketing to a niche market of clienteles. The contacts and network that I will meet during my course of job might also come valuable to me in the future.

However meanwhile, I also find that there’s a high growth opportunity in the f&b business and I am rather confident that I can market it very well to its target market. Perhaps I might suggest to do freelance marketing for the lady boss, it would be an extremely interesting project.

Just when I was starting to feel demoralised, the course of things started to turn out well. I can’t deny that I’ve been blessed indeed! 🙂

Have you ever been at a point of your life when you feel like you are situated right in the middle of the crossroads?

It may be crossroads in your family life, career, relationship, personal life, etc… You’re not too sure of which way to go, not certain which will be the best route to your destination. So afraid to make a choice, so afraid you’d get it wrong.

I am just like that. I know where I want to be at the end of the day but just not too sure how to get there. I am also afraid to make a wrong choice or take the wrong route. I always wished there’s a Dummies book for life. (I have a thing for self-help/motivational/diy books) Too bad there isn’t a manual for life and even if there is, it’s not going to be applicable.

The encouraging news is that besides you being not alone, and there’s no perfect route. Therefore it doesn’t matter which route you are currently on because it wouldn’t have been that great either on the other route. You know while driving, one may make a wrong turn sometimes; it may just require a fast U-turn to get back on track or sometimes it may become a longer en route. And during the en route, we may discover a new place, something interesting, etc..one never knows! However as long you have the destination of the place you want to be at clearly in your head, you will get there eventually. No matter which route we take to reach our destinations, we will learn something valuable from it.

And so I realised that instead of just lingering in one spot as time runs like sand in the hourglass, I need to just be brave and make the first move. I need to take the leap of faith.

After being stuck at the crossroads for so long, I’ve finally made up my mind.

Even after consulting with different people whom I trust for advice eg: mentors, friends, family, I was still feeling rather uncertain and insecure. However I decided it’s time to end all the wishywashy-ness, I just got to have faith (some will say trust your gut feelings) and made up my mind to take up the job offer from one of the start-ups.

When everything has been finalised, I shall blog about the new job and the experiences that come along with it.

I am pretty much excited to start work, anticipating both challenges and the vast learning opportunities. I have no concrete idea how the new working life will be for me. After all, this is going to be my first full-time job. However I am all ready for the run and hurdles that’s going to come. I am ready to emerge stronger and better than ever.

Meanwhile in other aspects of my life, I guess it’s time for me to truly let go of the past as well. Of course it can’t be done within a single day, but I know I’ll eventually arrive there. One just have to continue having faith, hope and the courage because there’s no other way to move on.