Luck Season One, Episode Seven Recap: “A Human Bonds with a Horse, Making a Herd of Two”

Even though we’ve recently protested *Luck’*s gratuitous man-horse love scenes, we were charmed by last night’s oozing of animal affection. Sure, we giggled a bit as Mr. Ace Bernstein—adept businessman and ex-convict—frolicked alongside a retired racehorse at Claire’s idyllic inmate-rehabilitation barn. But this is the same guy who once told his closest friend/assistant, Gus, that he had no time for “hat dances.” Claire has made her point that “a human bonds with a horse, making a herd of two,” so if getting closer to Claire means throwing on a horse-trainer’s jacket, then bring on the Eddie Bauer catalogues! The show’s other characters, however, may not be so enthusiastic when it comes to accepting their commitments as horse owners, potential parents, and addicts.

Walter Smith, for instance, spends the entirety of the episode contemplating who deserves to ride Gettn’up Morning. His choices include: the leprechaunic but sometimes violent Rosie and the experienced but sometimes inebriated Ronnie. Walter is first tempted to switch when Ronnie, fresh from an A.A. meeting, approaches him about reclaiming his seat on the colt. Then an uncertain Rosie hires J-J-Joey to check in with Walter about where she stands. The old man is irked by this attention, and ultimately hands the spot over to Ronnie. "Get yourself fit, stay fucking sober, and climb onto the goddamn mount," he tells the wide-eyed jock over a soda. That evening, Ronnie snorts some painkillers between push-ups like it’s no big deal. At least it won’t hurt when he (inevitably) falls off Gettn’up Morning and breaks his collarbone again.

Meanwhile, Lonnie, frustrated by his status as the losiest loser of Foray Stables, announces his plan to claim one of Escalante’s horses. Renzo is delighted by this news (like he is by most things) and Jerry isn’t paying attention, distracted as he is by his plans to enter the poker World Series. It’s left, then, to Marcus—the powerless Shakespearean racetrack jester—to rain on Lonnie’s parade. “It’s impossible to catch lightning in a bottle twice,” he warns Lonnie. Nevertheless, our fearless threesome-warrior makes the claim on the horse, Niagara’s Fall, all on his lonesome. We subsequently watch her rupture her flexer tendon on the track in short order. Lonnie, through no intention of his own, is now the proud owner of a broodmare (a euphemism for broken horse turned breeder). What does soothsayer Marcus have to say about this? “Guy shows a little ass, and bam if you don't get to jam your night stick up there and give it a twist.” Gross but accurate.

Speaking of breeders, Jo is about to tell Escalante that she’s pregnant when the two happen upon a kid urinating outdoors under the supervision of his belligerent father. The always sympathetic Jo volunteers to show aforementioned kid (Eduardo) around the barns. This infuriates the privacy-prone Escalante, who is already upset about Ace installing a horse-cam on the premises. “You be a babysitter,” he says. “I’ll watch my barn be put on the face-book.” It’s only when Escalante realizes he and little Eduardo share the same childhood hardships that he warms up to him. Luckily for Jo, that’s around the same time she reveals her pregnancy. Escalante—in an odd turn of character—touches her stomach and inquires about the baby’s sex. Let’s just hope Jo doesn’t try to install a baby-cam above their future child’s crib!

In other news: Nathan Israel’s weak demeanor reveals that he, according to Mike, is “100 percent solidarity with Ace,” so Mike hits him in the head with a crystal ashtray and he’s left lying there in a pool of his own blood (dead, maybe?). As Rosie’s new agent, Joey says he might send her away to San Francisco for better riding gigs. This somehow causes Leon to snuggle with an Anthony Robbins self-help book (Worse than snorting painkillers? You decide). Ace stages a meeting with some Native American gaming lobbyists while an unidentified man takes pictures. And at his World Series entry tournament, Jerry poker-flirts with his hot dealer friend, Naomi, resulting in an overscripted car-sex scene. We are 100 percent sure a character like Naomi does not exist in real life. If one did, she would already have her own reality TV show.

Confusing phrase of the episode: “Hangin’ fire to say so, hate right,” says Walter, on pulling Rosie from Gettn’up Morning’s saddle. Judging from the words “fire” and “hate,” we’re guessing this is a hard decision for him? But really, it could mean anything. Somebody please make a Tumblr of witty Walter Smith translations.