Same Difference - The Book

A landmark demonstration of how groundless beliefs about "natural" differences between the sexes have harmed both women and men-with a hopeful vision based on up-to-the-minute research.

From respected academics like Carol Gilligan to pop-psych gurus like John Gray, the message has long been the same: Men and women are fundamentally different, and trying to bridge the gender gap can only lead to grief. Generations have bought into the idea that women are uniquely primed to be "relational," men innately driven toward achievement-even when these "truths" are contradicted by what's happening in our daily lives.

The time has come, argue the authors of this groundbreaking book, to liberate ourselves from biological determinism. Drawing on years of exhaustive research, Barnett and Rivers reveal how a toxic mix of junk science, pop psychology, and media hype has profoundly influenced our thinking and behavior, causing us to make poor decisions about how we choose our mates, raise our children, and manage our careers.

It is power, not gender, that makes a difference; in fact, there are more differences among women (or men) with varying degrees of power than there are between women and men. In this vitally important and life-changing book, Barnett and Rivers sound a clarion call: a plea to end sexual stereotyping so that women and men, girls and boys, may realize their destinies as full human beings.

Same Difference takes on the myths of "Mars and Venus":

Myth...Men are genetically driven to seek out beautiful women. This may have been true in the stone age, but times change. Now, a significant number of men report that an attractive portfolio is even more alluring than a pretty face.

Myth...Women want to marry wealthy men who can protect them and their children. In fact, a surprising majority of today's women put a higher price tag on empathy and nurturance.

Myth...Girls face an inevitable plunge in self-esteem at adolescence. Recent research finds no evidence of this. Yet parents, teachers, and girls themselves lower their expectations and balk at challenges, because of this pervasive belief.

Myth...Boys and girls learn differently. Teaching styles that emphasize different tactics for boys and girls are more often rooted in stereotypes than research or hard science, and can lead to a poorer-quality education for girls. Still, public funds are squandered on special curricula aimed at "female learning styles."

"My congratulations to Barnett and Rivers for another first-class job of exploring the gender myths affecting our society. They take no prisoners, nor should they, in their cutting analysis, based on solid research and totally accessible writing."

--Marvin Kalb, senior fellow of Shorenstein Center on Press, Politics and Public Policy at Harvard University

"In 'Same-Difference' Barnett and Rivers present the view that females and males are both similar and different, but it is how we explain similarities and differences and the importance that we place on the ways in which we are the same or different that creates our understanding about what is "natural" for each sex. Instead of pitting nature against nurture, they present a more optimistic and accurate picture of human functioning that shows how people develop interests, talents, and abilities in a cultural and historical context that allows everyone a fuller range of "natural" life options that include nurturing fathers and women as political leaders."

--Diane F. Halpern, former President of the American Psychological Association, Professor of Psychology, Claremont McKenna College, and Director of the Berger Institute for Work, Family, and Children

"The message SAME DIFFERENCE is compelling: For too long, society has stuffed men and women into ill-fitting stereotypes, and now the tight garments are pinching. This engaging book's illuminating look at the scientific evidence is liberating in the best and healthiest sense-that is, freeing individuals to be themselves."

--Rosabeth Moss Kanter, Harvard Business School, author of Confidence: How Winning Streaks and Losing Streaks Begin and End

"A wonderfully provocative book that challenges, one by one, the most popular myths of gender difference, using a combination of compelling science and wise insight. Because it is easier to 'sell' the notion that a wide gulf exists between men and women, books and articles proclaiming gender differences receive cover story attention. I strongly hope that thisbook receives comparable attention and is widely read because it will clearly help improve relationships between men and women, boys and girls."

--Ellen Galinsky, President, Families and Work Institute; author, Ask the Children