Blogging for LGBT Families Day

Unlike racial discrimination (which as a South African I am very sensitive to), discrimination against gay / trans-gender / lesbian or bisexual people hasn't really ever been part of my life's experience. Perhaps it is because South Africa has an amazing constitution that protects the rights of ALL people. Perhaps it is because the kind of people I hang out with are mostly accepting, non-judgemental people. Whatever the reason, before I started the egg donor and surrogacy program (www.nurture.co.za), I had no real idea about the type of discrimination LGBT people face when making choices about having a family.

The first few times I got an email from a gay person that started with "I am not sure whether you help gay people to have a family....." I was all like "huh? What do you mean? Of course we help gay people!" It just didn't enter my mind that there would be people that WOULDN'T help gay people in the same way they help straight people. In hindsight, I can see I was very naive. Gay parents face enormous discrimination and challenges in their desire to have a family.

I am PROUD to help gay people to have a family. In the same way I am proud to help straight people or single people or married people or whoever longs to have a family. Being a good parent is not about sexual orientation. It is not about one's marital status. Once you take everything away, it is about love. About love for the children, about love for each other. About love for one's self. And about love for your fellow humans - gay, straight or anything in between.

I am proud to be a supporter of the rights of ALL people to become parents.

Comments

You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

I'm on my way from Toronto, Ontario. Find me some good swimmers! Remember a few years ago when someone accused you of being a homophobe because of the way you spoke of your fabulous gay doctor? You're my favourite str8 lesbian! Thanks for continuing to support us and our families.

I am proud to be good friends with a gay couple who are father's to one gorgeous little girl and another miracle baby girl scheduled for birth on Friday and it was all thanks to your efforts and to the assistance of Nurture. Its true what you have said, they too struggled to find a clinic who would treat them without discrimination.
And I agree, raising a child is about love and not about sexual orientation. Nobody has the right to judge ones longing to parent a child.
Keep up the great work!

Thanks for this. My wife and I are trying to get me pregnant as money allows (even with great insurance coverage an IUI with donor sperm ends up being $800 US). Each time I go to the doctor for the IUI the conversation with the receptionist alwas goes something like:

The receptionists get very stiff and brusque after that. I live 45 minutes from San Francisco, theoretically the gay epicenter of the world, and next to one of the the country's largest gay resort towns you would think medical personnel would be able to deal. Every time though, most of the staff are all weird and twitchy about it like they're either grossed out or like we have some sort of terminal disease.

My favorite comment to date: "You don't look like lesbians." I laughed my head off at that nurse and then I asked the RE to sit that nurse down and explain that not everyone looks like their stereotype.

Keep fighting the good fight, Tertia. Nine years after starting TTC, we just had our third, all with anon sperm and mega-RE assistance. This time, we could put my wife's name on the birth certificate immediately. Just think! Small progress is still progress.

Hopefully you won't get too many negative comments with this. I have two aunts who became mothers because of ART, and they love their daughter more than anything in the world. Just because they are lesbians doesn't mean they don't deserve to have kids. It's no different than a straight couple having a child. Same impact on the amount of children in the world. The excuse that there are too many people int he world is one used for multiple kinds of parents, not just the LGBT ones. I have another lesbian aunt couple who weren't able to conceive even though they used years and years and years of ART. They were able to add to their family by adoption. Once again, they love their son as much as my other aunts love their daughter, and they both love their kids and deserve to have them as much as I deserve to have my kids.

I am so glad that you are so open to this Tertia. You see the LGBT as normal people, just like they are, without putting any kind of label on them. I love it.

with a gay couple who are father's to one gorgeous little girl and another miracle baby girl scheduled for birth on Friday and it was all thanks to your efforts and to the assistance of Nurture. Its true what you have said, they too struggled to find a clinic who would treat them without discrimination.
And I agree, raising a child is about love and not about sexual orientation. Nobody has the right to judge ones longing to parent a child.
Keep up the great work!