Over the weekend a video surfaced of Delaware Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell admitting that she “dabbled in witchcraft” in high school, with the politician brushing aside the story, saying “How many of you didn’t hang out with questionable folks in high school?” Her remarks have angered the Wiccan community, who have found themselves in the position of being the reasonable side in an argument, for the very first time ever, anywhere. They are also being completely adorable in their belief that anyone actually cares about them.

“Any political candidate that is going to equate witchcraft with Satanism is ill informed and is not likely to get the support of people involved in nature religion,” Reverend Selena Fox, the High Priestess & Senior Minister of the Circle Sanctuary, told the Huffington Post. Her non-profit organization is dedicated to promoting paganism and nature spirituality, and is blissfully unaware that Republicans are not, have not, and never will court the “nature spirituality” vote. Fox believes that O’Donnell’s flippant remarks about her religion show a lack of respect. “Whether she intends to do that or not as a way to try and get herself out of this political problem she has created for herself, the fact is America really needs to be a place where you can celebrate diversity and practice your religion without getting ridiculed or defamed,” she said, with a completely straight face, having clearly not watched any news programming or read any newspapers in the last three months. When asked if she sees any connection between O’Donnell’s comments and the Park 51 project near Ground Zero, Fox replied that “as Wiccans, of course we support parks, which bring us closer to Mother Earth.” Seriously, she had no clue what Park 51 actually is.

Sylvia T. Webb, first officer of the non-profit organization Covenant of the Goddess, told ABC News that O’Donnell’s remarks were “bizarre” and contribute to the public’s misunderstanding of the religion. Let me repeat that: a representative of Covenant of the Goddess believes that the American public doesn’t have a clear understanding of Wicca. Islam has over a billion followers, and Americans don’t understand it, and Webb is surprised that they don’t understand Wicca?

“Bicycle lanes are for Communists… if they really loved this country they’d buy a big SUV and drive downtown to work, and have another one in the garage so Mom can drive to the corner store. I’d help traffic flow by banning bikes, buses, and streetcars from our streets, and expand parking by tearing down that AGO-thingy and building a big garage.”

“People on welfare shouldn’t get this so-called ‘Special Diet Supplement’–it’s a waste of the taxpayer’s money. If they’re hungry they have plenty of babies they can eat… I know what the liberal media is going to say about that… ‘A lot of them come from cultures where they don’t eat meat’… well, I say if you’re going to come to this country you need to adjust to our culture, and if that means eating a few babies, then so be it. By the way, the bonus is that they happen to be delicious!”

“I’ve long made a stand against frivolous government spending, and I live it every day–I haven’t used a cent of my Councillor’s office budget… in fact, I’ve paid them for office supplies! I think the whole city could learn from my example, and we could cut so much waste… every time I go to the store and get a receipt, I think ‘That paper’s coming right off the company’s bottom line, and that employee isn’t contributing anything! Would it kill her to buy her own receipt rolls?’ Another example of savings is that I always get my dealer to throw in rolling papers for free… see, Rob Ford is watching every nickel and dime bag!”