Living With Antisocial Personality Disorder 101: The Sociopath

I have been a registered nurse since 2004. I teach mental health nursing and have worked at an in-patient psychiatric healthcare facility.

The term antisocial is often mistaken as a synonym for asocial. In fact, these two terms are very different. Antisocial is better described as a rule-breaker; think anti-societal rules rather than anti-socialization. A person who suffers from antisocial personality disorder (ASD) has historically been described as a person without a conscience—a sociopath.

However, recent research suggests that the brains of people with antisocial personality disorder function differently than those of people without. Those with the disorder do not have emotional reactions to words like “puppies” or “babies,” and, likewise, they have no emotional reactions to words like “rape” or “murder.” In contrast, people without the disorder show significant activity in the temporal lobes of the brain, the areas associated with emotions.

This suggests that people with antisocial personality disorder are not able to empathize or understand emotions. Imagine if you had never felt love, either given or received. How would you know what “love” means? Also, when someone said he/she loved you, would you believe him/her? How could you believe in love if you had never experienced it?

The answer is simple: you couldn’t. For this reason, it is, at least, somewhat easier to comprehend the atrocities done by those who suffer from antisocial personality disorder. They cannot understand that other people feel love, anger, hurt, resentment, guilt, or any other emotion because they have never experienced those emotions themselves.

At this point, you may be saying, “But my antisocial boyfriend…” or “But my antisocial mother…” From what we understand of the disorder, those who suffer from it can learn to mimic emotions by watching other people. They can learn to cry on demand—to feign fear or hatred—but they do not actually feel those things. Their lives are much like a play, and they are the Tony Award winners. That is why it is so hard to match up what we see them saying or doing with what they actually do when no one is watching.

What You Will Find in This Article

Typical traits of an antisocial person

Treatment options

Recommendations for healthcare professionals

Recommendations for family and friends

Traits of Antisocial Personality Disorder

Frequent Lying

Often, they seem to deceive simply because they can. If you notice frequent lying early in a relationship, this should be a red flag.

Charismatic and Charming

Charisma and charm are manipulative tools of the antisocial person. The charming antisocial person knows they need friends and romantic partners, so charm is used to gain trust and relationships. Often, friends and loved ones will say they did not know the depth of the problem until they were already deeply involved.

Impulsivity

Impulsive behaviors can seem fun at first. Who doesn't want a friend or partner who is spontaneous and exciting? However, a lack of personal responsibility accompanies this aspect. The antisocial person will opt to do fun things rather than take care of obligations, like picking up the kids from daycare or taking you to a doctor's appointment. Instead, they will suddenly change plans to do what they want.

Manipulative

People with ASD are skilled manipulators. You see this often in abusive relationships. After the abuse, the antisocial person convinces the abused partner that the abuse will never happen again; they will get treatment; they will bring flowers and show outward signs of remorse. Yet, there is no actual, lasting behavior change.

Lack of Regard for Safety

Lack of regard for the safety of themselves and those around them. They may drive too fast, even with children in the car, abuse drugs, have multiple sex partners without using protection, etc.

Does Not Pay Bills or Honor Debts

Beware of loaning money to an antisocial person. You likely will not be repaid. In fact, they may manipulate the situation to make you feel like they somehow earned or deserved the money you loaned them.

Lack of Loyalty in Romantic Relationships

They are often unfaithful and likely to cheat. Akin to the manipulation you see after episodes of abuse, they may seem very remorseful and make promises to change, or offer explanations—or even blame you for their cheating.

Easily Agitated and Can Be Aggressive

When they don't get their way through charm and manipulation, often, the behavior escalates to aggression. Imagine being on a date and a having the suitor try to charm you out of your pants, literally. When the charm fails, the antisocial person may become aggressive and sexually assault the victim.

Breaks Laws

As mentioned earlier, they are best described as rule-breakers. In the extreme, they may be serial rapists, murderers, money launderers, etc. Petty acts may involve stealing friends' clothes or taking money from your wallet without asking permission.

Lack of Remorse

Remorse is not just saying you're sorry. They may be very good at apologizing and have lots of practice at it. True remorse involves behavioral change so as not to cause hurt in the future. An antisocial person rarely has long-term behavior change without skilled treatment.

Keep in mind that personality disorders have a range of mild (e.g. lies, cheats, and manipulates) to severe (e.g. rapists, murderers), and one does not have to have all of the traits to be diagnosed with ASD.

Treatment Options for Antisocial Personality Disorder

Medications

Medication treatment for personality disorders is quite limited as there are no known medications to cure or reverse the actual disorder. However, mood stabilizers and antipsychotics may be given to help reduce the impulsivity, irritability, and aggression. If hospitalized, the patient may require sedatives to help control any violent behavior. The table below lists some of the medications that may be used to treat ASD.

Brand Name

Generic Name

Class

Intended Effect

Ativan

lorazepam

Benzodiazapine

Sedation, decrease aggression

Haldol

haloperidol

Antipsychotic

Decrease aggression, mood stabilization

Thorazine

chlorpromazine

Antipsychotic

Decrease aggression, mood stabilization

Benadryl

diphenhydramine

Antihistamine

Sedation, decrease aggression

Zyprexa

olanzapine

Atypical antipsychotic

Decrease aggression, mood stabilization

Abilify

aripiprazole

Atypical antipsychotic

Decrease aggression, mood stabilization

Depakote

divalproex sodium

Anti-epileptic

Mood stabilization

Tegretol

carbamazepine

Anti-epileptic

Mood stabilization

As you can see, most drugs work to decrease mood instability and treat aggressive behaviors. However, the drugs cannot change the personality itself. Behavior change requires psychotherapy and behavioral therapy.

Therapy

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is highly recommended for the antisocial person. CBT can help the person recognize emotions, decrease impulsivity and aggression, and learn to identify with others. It is also recommended that those close to someone with ASD see a mental health professional when feeling a lack of control and/or emotional injury. Living with someone with ASD is very difficult and can cause a wide range of reactions.

Recommendations for Healthcare Professionals

It can be extremely difficult to have a professional relationship with a person with antisocial personality disorder. The following general recommendations are given using the example of a fictional patient named Jacob:

Set clear boundaries with enforceable limits and logical consequences for behavior.

"Jacob, aggressive behavior is not tolerated here. If you threaten staff or other patients, you will be placed in seclusion."

Enforce consequences immediately when boundaries are violated.

If Jacob does threaten staff or other patients, immediately escort him to seclusion. Do not offer multiple opportunities. If you offer multiple opportunities, the antisocial person will learn that they can sometimes get away with the behavior.

Debrief after consequences have been enforced and when the person is calm.

After Jacob has been secluded and calmed down, when he is released, a qualified healthcare professional should talk with him about the behavior that led to the seclusion. The discussion should include what was unacceptable and suggestions for preventing the behavior in the future. Jacob should be asked what types of ideas he has for changing the behavior as well. He should also be given opportunities to practice these behaviors in a safe environment.

Do not argue or engage in power struggles.

If you see Jacob taking another patient's clothes out of his room, address this. If he argues and says, "It's not any of your business what I was doing in his room!" you may be tempted to say something like, "Oh, yes, it is my business. I am the nurse on this unit." However, that statement is argumentative and will only serve to further escalate his agitation. A better response is, "Jacob, as I said, it is not okay to enter another patient's room or take their clothes. As we discussed before, the consequence of this behavior is a time-out. Take a 15-minute time-out in room 101 now."

Maintain safety of the staff and any other people in the area.

In the previous example, the nurse is engaged in a confrontation with a patient. Any time the nurse is confronting an antisocial patient about an unacceptable behavior, it is important to be aware of the potential for aggression. Let other staff know what is going on before confronting the patient. Make sure you are not alone with the patient or in an enclosed space where you cannot escape if the patient becomes aggressive. If other patients are nearby, keep them clear of the area.

Be aware of the use of manipulation and charm.

Rather than becoming aggressive, Jacob may try to manipulate you into letting him get away with the behavior. He may say, "I didn't know I wasn't allowed to do that," or, "Josh said I could go in his room and borrow his stuff anytime," or, "Hey, what's the big deal? Why are you getting your panties in a wad?" These are manipulative statements with a goal of not having logical consequences for unacceptable behaviors.

As long as you know the patient is aware of what is and is not acceptable, do not allow any deviation from the logical consequences. However, if Jacob is new to your unit and truly was not aware of the rules, for some reason, explain the rules at this time and in the future, enforce consequences when the rules are broken.

Note: On admission, all patients should be properly oriented to the rules and logical consequences of any unit.

Be aware of counter-transference.

Counter-transference refers to the transference of the healthcare provider's personal feelings towards someone in his/her life onto the patient. For example, if the healthcare provider's father frequently lied and manipulated him/her, the healthcare provider may feel hostility toward an antisocial patient who frequently deceives and manipulates others.

If the healthcare provider feels hostile toward Jacob, Jacob may sense this and react more defensively. The healthcare provider may unknowingly assume an aggressive stance or display other nonverbal cues (e.g. scowling, grimacing, etc.). Objective self-evaluation is essential when working with patients with personality disorders.

Monitor your own communications—verbal and nonverbal.

Be neutral in your interactions with the antisocial person. Assume open body language: arms relaxed, feet distanced from each other, stand at a slight angle to the patient, don't stand directly in front of a seated person, etc. Also, be aware of facial expressions. Practice neutral body language in a mirror, while recording yourself, or with another professional.

Teach the antisocial patient how to recognize emotions in themselves and others.

The patient needs to learn how to interact appropriately in a variety of settings. To do this, he/she must learn to properly recognize emotions. A trained healthcare professional can engage in role play activities with the antisocial person and have the patient identify body language, triggers for anger and aggression, and more. This is an integral aspect of recovery from a personality disorder.

Have the antisocial person evaluate actions and reactions.

Similar to debriefing (described above), the antisocial person needs to become more objective in their evaluation of their actions and reactions. Ask them to describe or journal about significant events, and go over their journal entries with them. Give feedback about their reactions and offer a menu of suggestions. Ask the antisocial person to list three ways they can react in a healthier manner the next time. Then, have them practice those behaviors.

Teach impulse control.

Impulse control can be very difficult for the person with antisocial personality disorder. Some simple suggestions include having the person count backward from 10 before responding to anything that causes an emotional reaction. To prevent agitation, have them brainstorm ways to respond to various scenarios ahead of time and practice those techniques in a safe setting.

Teach the antisocial person to use non-blaming statements. For example, when talking to his wife, Jacob might typically say, "You won't do what I say, and you dress like that on purpose to make me mad!" But, communication that is more likely to result in a conversation rather than an argument is to say, "I want you to wear more conservative clothing, but you seem to prefer shirts that are low-cut. How can we compromise?" This type of communication takes a lot of practice to learn.

Help the person identify goals and ways to reach them.

Without a clearly defined plan, the antisocial person may feel confused about the point of treatment. Ask the antisocial person what they would like to achieve from their treatment. This allows the healthcare provider to tailor a treatment plan that incorporates the patient's goals. Jacob might say he wants to have more money so he can buy a motorcycle, but perhaps he has not been able to hold down a job because of his violent outbursts at work. You can use his goal of wanting money to help him see why controlling his temper can help him.

Teach positive coping skills.

All people have coping skills. Some are adaptive, and some are maladaptive. The antisocial person may use aggression, manipulation, and deceit to cope. Until they learn more adaptive coping skills, they will continue to rely on the old standbys.

Suggestions for adaptive coping for aggressive behaviors can include:

Exercise (running or kickboxing are good ways to work out aggression)

Journaling (this helps to identify emotions and triggers)

Relaxation techniques (progressive muscle relaxation helps to reduce muscle tension and make one aware of physiological changes that occur during stress)

Recommendations for Loving the Antisocial Person

You can use some of the recommendations for healthcare professionals list above as well, but here are some tips specifically for family and friends:

Know yourself—what you are willing to tolerate and what you refuse to tolerate. Once you know your own boundaries, explain those boundaries to the antisocial person. Explain what actions you will take if and when those boundaries are violated.

Follow through with your plan each and every time.

Expect deception, manipulation, and betrayal.

Keep your finances separate. Do not loan money that you expect to be repaid.

If in a romantic relationship, do not trust the antisocial person to be alone with your friends and family, as cheating is highly likely, and a betrayal of this type is often very damaging.

Have backup plans for child-care, dates, etc. as the antisocial person is not likely to be dependable.

Maintain personal safety at all times. Keep a cell phone charged and on your person, keep enough gas in the car to get away, and, if necessary, inform a friend that you may need to stay with him/her sometimes. Know where shelters are in your area. Call 9-1-1 if the person becomes violent.

It is not recommended to have a romantic relationship with a person with antisocial personality disorder due to the emotional and/or physical damages that may be inflicted. However, if, for some reason, you feel you cannot end the relationship, keep yourself safe at all times.

This content is for informational purposes only and does not substitute for formal and individualized diagnosis, prognosis, treatment, prescription, and/or dietary advice from a licensed medical professional. Do not stop or alter your current course of treatment. If pregnant or nursing, consult with a qualified provider on an individual basis. Seek immediate help if you are experiencing a medical emergency.

Comments

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Aly

4 months ago

My husband was diagnosed with ASPD before we met, when he was in jail in his early 20s. Safe to say, his history with run ins with the law and lack of regard for authority figures or rules should have been an initial indicator. About 2 years into the relationship, I was sick of him trying to trick me or make non-stop lies in everyday conversations. It was like constant weird deception about little things, to the point I couldn’t have a straight conversation with him. This, in addition to his disorganized and financially irresponsible behaviour, finally made me question what was going on. I had never in my life met someone who compulsively acted this way! That’s when he told me about his diagnosis. The more research I did, the more it made sense. The most difficult aspect of living with someone with ASPD is their inability to understand your emotions or be empathetic. The other difficult part has been his constant irritation, frustration, and anger. I would say his symptoms are moderate and he doesn’t exhibit the inability to feel emotions or love. It’s just more difficult for him to express these things and he’s always in his own head. The only time he isn’t, is when he’s coaxing people to do what he wants during deals he’s executing for the business we own together. It’s like he’s a different person in those moments. People with ASPD can often be charismatic or manipulative to benefit themselves. This is great for our business and helps us make a living (legally with good business relationships, surprisingly lol). He had a very abusive childhood and his mother may have had ASPD as well. Regardless of the maladaptive behaviours, I think it’s unfair to completely rule out having a relationship with someone with this condition, AS LONG AS THEY WILL ACKNOWLEDGE their condition and continually try to improve themselves. He may not actually understand my feelings or feel remorse, but he does care enough Baker me to try to do the right thing to maintain our marriage. Over time he has made a lot of changes through seeking therapy and anger management. I have also been able to help him with patience and giving him insight about his emotions, as well as validate his feelings and unconditionally love him. This isn’t easy, it takes sooooo much energy and commitment on my part. I often have to create boundaries and stick to consequences, for instance, if he chooses to yell or attack my character during an argument, I will not talk to him for a day, or leave and stay with a friend of family member. Over time this has altered his behaviour because he doesn’t want me to leave. It’s still hard, though. Unfortunately not everyone with ASPD chooses to try to become a better person or help themselves, especially if it is severe. I think he’s worth it and very special, regardless of this condition. I wanted to speak about my experience, because I don’t think it’s fair to perpetuate a stigma about this condition. People with ASPD also have positive qualities and maybe with a little patience and support, may be a good partner or contributing member of society.

Swim

2 years ago

My husband was diagnosed aspd 6 years ago and I was told to leave him. We have 5 kids together and been together 14 years. There's been a few restraining orders which have been broken and currently protective bail conditions which have been broken also ... constantly!

I love him so much and have wanted to help him even when he hurts me, though apparently it's not abuse because he doesn't punch me in the face!!?? There are so many awful things he's done to me but I can't bring myself to leave him.. I see so much pain in my kids eyes and my heart breaks for them and him, and me too! I know our relationship is volatile and there have been threats made on our lives but I know he will hunt us down if we go.. or he threatens suicide and that will hang over my head forever ! I'm walking on egg shells constantly unsure of how he's going to be in the next 20 minutes!??

I find myself questioning whether this is actually real and maybe I am just a useless c#*t that should get spat in her face? I've felt so sick from the torment I put in myself.. go for the kids sake, stay for the kids sake, for the love?? Ahh it's so hard

Jennifer

3 years ago

ASPDs are capable of emotion. They feel anger, they feel pain, they even feel regret if their actions don't get them what they want. They don't feel emotions for YOU. They don't have remorse for hurting others. They are not capable of loving others the way that the rest of us define love - as care and concern for the needs and wellbeing for another person. The only thing that matters to ASPDs is getting what they want and everything they do and feel revolves only around that purpose.

Pittsburgh guy

3 years ago

Like the article says DONT maintain a romantic relationship with some who has ASPD listen to it. I found out the hard way. I fell for someone who could have been a playboy model. As beautiful as she was on the outside she had no control of her life. Just looked at how beautiful she was and didnt care. Anywhere we went every guy wanted to be me. When I first met her she wasn't sure she was going to jail or not because of a third DUI. Ok....I know I should have ran then. She didnt go to but at some point I knew she was going on house arrest. I did go out with her out she was fun to be with then I got sexually and emotionally involed with her. She was still drinking and she loved to gamble. She often lost money which she should have used to pay her fines and other things. I did offer to help her. Fourtunatly for me she never took my money. She would get crazy upset when I did offer. She would get argumentative over things that I said that I was trying to help her. Basically she had no control over her life. Other things I should have caught was that she had been married twice. She claimed that they abused her and that her last 3 boyfriends did the same. Not saying there is every a reason for a man to hit a woman, but Im guessing they found out how out of control she was. I was 6 months into being with her when she woke up and told me to run. That I only knew 25 % about her. Telling me that she was a train wreck. She said that I was a good guy and that she didnt want to bring me down to her level. Five minutes later her phone alarm went. I saw on her Facebook messenger page that she was sending explicit pics of herself to five other guys. I was sick inside. I acted like nothing happened and just drove her home. Two days later she texted me because she wanted to see me again. I couldnt do it. I made up that someone was sending me pictures of her and saying things about her. Because she wasnt able to drive she said that she had 2 guys who she leads on for rides to work by sending them pictures. The last weekend I was with her she mumbled something when she was drunk about how she cant stand not being able to drive. That guys make her do things. She also texted that she has another guy who was completely infatuated with her she loves him for everything he has done for her but has never touched or kissed him. My guess is she was sleeping with him for money. Which I knew was BS. It was like she waited to to tell me all of this till she knew I was in love with her. Im sure there was many more. She said that she sends pics to lots of guys that it was just firting. Needless to say I didnt believe it at all. Any woman that has ever sent me pics of herself I have slept with. She also said that because I wanted a relationship with her it made her do opposite things. Like I was responsible for her being the way she was. Claiming that being with her would be like being with a rock or movie star. The good news I got tested and I am disease free. I dont know how am I but I am very, very lucky. Plus I still have all of my money. I should have seen all the signs. Maybe I did but chose to ignore them because of how smoking hot she was. Lesson learned. People with ASPD wont change because they dont want to.

olivia

3 years ago

I just got diagnosed with aspd, and I feel like a horrible person, reading all this. I don't want to realize this, but I can't live my life in a a dark path no more.

Sarah B

3 years agofrom Klamath Falls

I appreciate this article, because I do think that it does a better job than most in approaching the humanity of ASPD. I have been digging into this topic lately, since many people in the gun debate have been referring to the violent individuals as "mentally ill," and for the most part, I think people picture the classic stereotyped "sociopath," or person with ASPD when they think that.

I appreciate the fact that treatments are included, but I think that there should be more detail as far as the spectrum of ASPD. For example, do some experience more empathy than others, as it seems like from reading the experiences described in the comments? With other personality disorders, there is "remission" and "recovery." I think that this should always be considered when talking about personality disorders, since it isn't necessarily a life sentence. It's important for sufferers to know that there is actually hope, and that you're not doomed. I think that kind of doomed thinking actually leads more to violence with ASPD patients, because they don't care about recovering anymore.

I myself have recovered from BPD, and faced an incredible amount of misinformation (and still do) about those with BPD having no ability to be in a loving relationship, and all of the information on ASPD is very similar on that front.

Stephanie

4 years ago

I've always been confused by the "no emotions" aspect of ASPD because while my husband does have ASPD and I can very clearly recognize it in him, he does sometimes cry which to me always equaled an emotional experience. It's only been recently that I realized, with the help of my therapist, that he's really crying for himself, which does not equal an empathetic or emotional reaction. His only goal in life is himself- he is all that matters and others rarely factor in. When he cried over a childhood friend moving away, it was because he felt sorry for himself that he was losing a smoking buddy. When he cried over a sexual harassment write-up at work, it wasn't because he was deeply sorry for how he treated her or his wife, it was because he felt unjustly and unfairly punished like he had been a victim in all of it- somehow I ended up apologizing to him in the midst of that whole ordeal. I feel intense guilt over what seems like our inevitable divorce, because like other comments I've read, I can't bear the thought of anyone being destitute and unloved because of how they were born and raised. But it's easier said than done to be in a marriage with someone with ASPD. It's wreaked havoc on every single aspect of my life. It's destroyed any notion I had about who and am and what I want in life. It's put me in the position time and time again where I'm forced to push the boundary on what I consider acceptable behavior from a spouse. When its all said and done, I don't regret the relationship I've had with him, but I do think I would have been better off not marrying him. He's used my faith and our marriage vows to manipulate me into staying with him, despite the emotional and verbal abuse. I used to very much be on the side of questioning and doubting mental health professionals who advised against relationships with ASPD partners. But everyday I see more and more why it's a bad idea.

Amar M

4 years ago

I was raised by a man with ASPD and my current romantic partner has aspd. While some of this is true, I found much of it to be misleading. E.g ., "people with antisocial personality disorder do not feel emotions". This is part of the way the medical industrial complex dehumanizes them and other cluster b patients (i myself am a BPD patient). Also, I was very unsettled by how casually you talk about infantilizing your patients. Parts of this read more like an article on dealing with toddlers. All in all, this was no different from the typical "hurr duurr scary mental patients" article.

Curiouser

4 years ago

I've had a conversation with a friend (and crush) of mine. She's in the same college and is basically living a double life. Putting up a facade of being extremely silly and awkward, in reality, she's depressed and, by her answers to any and all of my questions, has textbook ASPD. She's still extremely socially awkward, but overall, she has a textbook case of ASPD. What should I do? For her sake, I'm not disclosing any names to anyone, so please don't say "report her to the authorities."

She has also recently gone through a devastating breakdown and is fed up with her facade. She has been in tears the past few days and her facade itself is aggressively pestering, meaning that, for her, friends are in limited supply.

Again, is there a way to work with her and help her with this? Can I at least teach her to fit in enough to be happy? Is teaching her to fit in going to make her a dangerous person?

I sort of wonder if, if she just got to know people a bit better, maybe life would be a lot better for her? At the present, I am worried about the possibility that she might be suicidal, though fortunately not homicidal.

Again, I only want steps that can be taken that don't hurt her. ones that either make her happier, put her condition to good use, or minimize it.

Mary

4 years ago

I was fairly violently raped by a 20 yr old with this diagnosis. I knew he was mentally ill but he was so charming and I didn't understand how sick he was until it was too late. I was too young to know better. Nothing scarier than looking in the eyes of someone like this. Still haunts me and it has been 17 yrs. He killed himself in jail. Thank God. People with severe ASPD need to be put on a desert island before they hurt people. He had symptoms even as a child.

Lyss

4 years ago

People with ASPD DO have emotions, please never ever ever say they don't.

brandon cross

5 years ago

Hey I have all of these symptoms and some not mentioned, killing animals as a young child and all the way up into late teens, extreme drug seeking and over medicating,ect. I have been searching for a person up to the task of helping me overcome this. The relationship with my girlfriend and daughter are at stake. As well as my freedom inevitably.please if anyone knows who or what professional I need to see please tell me. Also I live in nj if that makes a diffrence

Chris

5 years ago

More prejudice from the clinical community.

John

5 years ago

Please don't tell your boundaries and certainly don't tell what actions you will take to an antisocial partner. They can and will abuse this knowledge to get attention.

AUTHOR

Leah Wells-Marshburn

5 years agofrom West Virginia

Brian,

The goal is to keep people safe from emotional and physical abuse.

Leah

Brian

5 years ago

"It is not recommended to have a romantic relationship with a person with antisocial personality disorder" …. Should people with ASPD be doomed to a life without love -- as they understand it? Is the goal here to make sure they don't procreate?

helen

5 years ago

I would suggest a group called Families Annymous. It helps parents deal with troubled teens.

AUTHOR

Leah Wells-Marshburn

6 years agofrom West Virginia

Feeling powerless,

I can definitely see why you are feeling powerless. A lot has been happening that is overwhelming for you and your family. Your son is 17 years old. It is not too late to intervene by taking him to a doctor and getting him treated. That is my strongest recommendation. You may get a lot of advice from people on the net, but you need a well-trained psychiatrist to help with what you and your family are going through. I wish I could do or say more than that, but that is the best route, in my opinion.

Leah

Feeling powerless as a mom

6 years ago

My son has really been lying a lot, honestly i think if he speaks it is not truthful, he has been lyin, stealing, drinkin, smoking, buying & selling drugs, making others lies for him, bullies younger siblings into a point they r scared to say because he will hurt them, loyalty lies with bad people who use & hurt him & talk badly of his family & joins in the lies instead of defendin his family he sides with them instead, he use extremely foul language away from home & he will swear on my life he is tellin me the Gods honest truth lookin me in the eye & lies to me knowing I know the truth, but tries to convince me hes not lying & me stating I have proof still remains solid on his innocence, should at 17 be a role model for younger diblings but constantly shows dislike & annonces how much he hates us all especially the younger 2 children n don't care how it effects us at all, he calls names makes fun of & chsllenges knowing they will lose when hes bigger than n still make fun when they do loose n he calls them hurtful names & says he will harm them if they do not listen & with such hatred he speaks to his sibblings without regaurd of the feelings he is hurting & gets mad when I can't trust him but he constantly looks right at me & says he did not do what he is accussed of & get mad because i tefuse to believe him n plea on how i hafta trust him its true & demand to know why wont I believe him n the entire time trying to convince me to trust when he is swearing on my life hes truthful & lyin straigh to my face, he has put many people in danger & could have had his younger siblings removed & jail and he don't care he will steal $ & lie about having any money & if i need the money for even an emergency he will not offer he will litterally let a dyin person die n not offer the $ he stole from me and when ask about things he is always innocent & has to explain why hes right n im wrong no matter what i have on video im seeing wrong & will not ever come clean n to him he has valid reason, he threatens his brother & had his younger brother smokin marijuana and drinkin, friends that come to visit with him to at his aunts & letting them as well he admits to growing n sellin marijuana on other people's property even though he understands the risk hes putting on another he does not care, he tells me never again & even when csught dmoking he will deny it n deny & will not come clean so I had a set us free come clean night everyone wrote all they did n cofess full n write what they knew of others & no on was to get mad or in trouble but we all come clean discussed it & start over and everyon was so relieved n a clean & fresh start for everyone & at that point I asked my son to truthfully tell me if he was selling drugs for my sister because i already knew the truth & he started his fresh start off with another lie after lie n i am just in awe & can't believe the danger he put his siblings in and not care & what he has done to me & im devastated im hurt my own child put us all in harms way n don't care n would do it again i think n its unliveable to think i gave him the moment & he looked right at me n did it again i am so not dealin with this well he is the second oldest & i am having issues out of the younger ones & he cannot n will not accept any part in any wrong doin its never any fault of his & im going insaine i need help he needs help plz some one point me in some hrlpful direction to help him soon i dunno what else to do???? Help???plz???

AUTHOR

Leah Wells-Marshburn

7 years agofrom West Virginia

So sorry to hear that, Sarah. It is a terribly difficult situation to be in--to love someone who has antisocial personality disorder and to want to help them when they are resistant to help. Estimates vary, but about 80% of the prison population has antisocial personality disorder to some degree. It is unfortunate that the only thing our country has figured out for this disorder is confinement. I hope things change and better treatments are identified, for you and for everyone else who has suffered as a result of this disorder.

Sarah

7 years ago

This fits my step-daughter to a tee. I wish someone could have helped her before she ended up in prison.

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