Monday, June 29, 2009

This might be old news to some, but Megan from Remarks From Sparks is my older sister and Graphic Design Slave. I keep her shackled in a damp, dark cellar with nothing but an iMac and a small chamber pot (think Doby from Harry Potter). Occasionally, I taunt her with leftover table scraps then force her to eat medium rare ribeye steak, even though she's a vegetarian. I call this love.

Your Remarks from Sparks

On Saturday, I got a phone call from my brother in-law, Megan's husband known on Remarks From Sparks as The Husband. The Husband wanted me to chastise Megan for willfully damaging her eyesight. Apparently, Megan, who claims to be a fan of all things healthy, is opposed following instructions from her Optometrist. Megan refuses to take her contact lenses out every night, or every other night, or sometimes every every other night (oh my!). This concerns The Husband, for he loves his wife and would be quite distraught at the loss of her eyesight due to something as silly as not taking her contacts out. This concerns me because I'd have to find a replacement Design Stooge. And, dear readers, this should concern you too. If Megan's eyesight goes the way of Mr. Magoo, Remarks From Sparks will have to appear in braille.

I post this information in hopes that YOU can help! Rookie Cookie and The Husband have come to the end of our begging rope. We need your nagging comments. So nag away. Tell Megan to smarten up and use those contact lenses "as directed". Post your comments now and tell Megan you CANNOT support an Ocular Hygiene Biggot!

Background info, before you hear it from Megan: I too am bad about taking my contact lenses out, but my husband doesn't care. He prefers if I go blind so that the playing field is level. He has a set of terribly deformed feet and blindness would be good for me because even though I can run faster than him, I would have no idea where I was going and he would have better chances at winning a race. So don't hassle me, hassle Megan.

8 comments:

Oh you're hilarioius. Nevermind that my contacts are FDA approved for sleeping in (though I do realize that I abuse this). And good thing you brought up the fact that you are terrible about taking yours out. Saved me the time, sweet hypocrite.

Megan, if you don't already know, Whitney is a genius. I'm sure your husband and optometrist fit nicely into the same category. If that doesn't make you want to jump up and take those contacts out, I'll tell you a little story. Once upon a time, there was a crazy girl that lived in a very dry place. She was of the blind variety and desperately needed contacts. She hated taking them out at night because she liked to read in bed and also find her way to the bathroom in the morning without ending up in the kitchen. All-night contacts make both of these activities easier. So, she refused to take out her contacts. Then over time, she began to have a little eye discomfort. She went to the optometrist who almost cried when he looked at her eyes. Apparently, in the dry climate she had developed Dry Eye. The Doc said that she looked like someone had taken sandpaper to her eye balls. The dryness of her eyes, mixed with the constant wearing of the lenses, scratched her eyes flat. Well, not really, but almost!! Guess what happened then???? The Doc told her that she could no longer wear contacts!!!!!!!!!!!Sadness,huh?I hope that you have been inspired by my story. The END

Dear Megan, Last July I had eye surgery in BOTH eyes. Nope, it wasn't the laser kind that makes my eyes better so that I can flaunt my 2-eyedness after years of 4 eyes. It was the kind that made me able to recover lost vision in one eye and salvage the fleeting vision in the other. And no, I'm not old, though all the other patients in the specialists office hobbled in on walkers. I beg you, please take care of your vision. You will want to see your grandchildren's smiles, right? (Whoa, I've gone cheesy. But still, you do. I know it!) I miss being able to wear contacts. Don't take advantage of the privilege and be happy to have a sister who loves you.