When my husband left me, after some time spent on the floor in a complete mess, I stood up for a while and it was a great feeling. I was SO proud of myself and my determination to survive and revive. So then when there was another emotional set-back and ..THUMP.. I was down on the ground again, I felt even worse. I felt I had failed. I felt I had failed my own resolution that I was going to survive. So this made me even worse because I was fighting against me hating myself for feeling so low. Now, when I get a THUMP back down again, I am kinder to myself and tell myself that it is OK to feel not OK. It has been nearly three years now and I just keep picking myself up again and again and again. Each time the crash down is less severe. Each time it does not take quite as long to pick myself up as the time before. Each time I am more accepting of that part of me that still hurts.
Hang in there and keep on keeping on. I hear what you say and I am here with you. Hugs 🙂