What's In a Name?

Most of you don't know me. My screen name is/was Beach-Girl. I started working the program on the wiki a couple of years ago and helped create this forum you all use now. I have TMS and have had my journey cut short due to personal reasons. I've learned a lot about my pain, where it stems from, and will finish what I started one day.

A week ago, a good friend here on the forum I am in contact with, wrote and told me that there is another person here who is using the name beach girl. There are slight differences in the way the name is displayed, but this friend saw a post from the newer beach girl and thought it was me. So if this person did - obviously some of my older posts may be confusing as well.

This community has been very kind to me. I have had chats with Allen Gorden, Steve O, and Dr. Schubiner. All were enlightening and along with some friends I made through the wiki and the forum, I've learned a great deal about myself and where my unrelenting back pain stems from. I also learned a great deal from reading all of Dr. Sarno's books. They sit here in my room very prominently and I refer to them occasionally. In short, the program and others I've worked with have been a really wonderful and (almost) healing experience for me. I was a moderator at one time (I think there is a new term now) but this past summer after being absent for a year, Forest and I decided to take that role away. I also was a somewhat involved with the Facebook page, as a admin., but I've removed myself there too.

It may sound petty, it may sound weird, it may sound immature as I assume many reading this don't know who I am or my contributions to this site. But having someone else have the same screen name bothers me a lot. And knowing I can't (and won't) come back for an undetermined amount of time, I didn't feel right to ask the new beach girl to change her screen name because I was here first.

So what's in a name? A lot of hope and reaching the finish line went into mine. I will at some point continue what I started. I don't know where it will be or when it will be, but it will happen.

I hope I emphasized how much I've received from this community and I hope that all who read this reach their pain free goals soon. This community is awesome. The Leader of the Band works hard. And there are so many kind and wonderful people here to hold you up should you falter.

If you read this beach girl - go for it. Please wear the name proudly.

What's in a name? A very great deal. I have read that we actually are shaped by the name our parents decide for us. Words have this power.

We cannot escape that we have the same names as others. Parents name us after other family members, or movie stars, or characters in a book.

A screen name, on the other hand, is different. It is our chosen identity.It is deeply personal. It is an inner connection. It is how we perceive our self, and how we would like the world perceives us.

Knowing that another bears the same chosen name ... hard because it is part of our fabric. Yet, it also suggests that there is a strong connection. Another soul has felt the pull of that same concept, that same ideal.

Your post suggests a generous outlook. I am new to this forum. Because of you, my life is being positively influenced.

BG - it doesn't sound petty or weird at all, especially considering how important this community was (and is) to you. Your screen name here wasn't just a screen name, it was and still is your identity in this community. It's how people know you. I think it's understandable that you had a reaction to another with the same name.

Lily Rose - what powerful, powerful words. I too think we are shaped by our given names, but we are also shaped by what we decide to do with our names: use them, change them, discard them.

I chose to use my real name in this community. Even though I didn't choose to be called Becca in life, I did make the choice to be called Becca in this community. There's some sense of ownership in that, I think. When you first join a community, probably the first thing you do is share your name. Your choice to use your given name, or a nickname, or a new name with some personal significance like Lily Rose or Beach-Girl becomes the first part of your identity that you are consciously, deliberately sharing with others. More than that, it's a sort of introduction to yourself and that community. New communities are often places to start fresh. At the very least they hold new relationships, new interactions, new experiences. Whatever name you choose to use -- be it your given name or one you create -- isn't just information to others. It's information to you: what you want or expect out of a community, what your role is in that community, how you relate to others in that community, how you relate to yourself and treat yourself when you're in that setting...I could go on and on. I guess what I'm saying is, there's significance in just choosing a name to use.

...so I guess my answer to this thread title "What's in a name?" can be summed up to, a helluva lot.

Beach-girl,
I really like and respect the way you have addressed this issue. It is a model for healthy, clear, direct communication. You brought up your concerns and expressed your thoughts and feelings about it honestly. I can learn from this, as it's something I need to work on.

Thanks for your contributions to this site, and thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings.

My name's Walter. I learned years later that I was named after a friend of the family, but I don't remember
seeing him again until I went to a relative's wedding when I was about 21. I was introduced to him but he was
a total stranger to me. I'm grateful that my middle name is George, named after my paternal grandfather.
I grew up knowing him and loved him. Nobody else in the family did, but at his funeral I cried long and loud.
Nobody understood why, but I did. He was good man but had had a hard life. His sons and daughters never
appreciated him, but I did.

Beach Girl- So nice to meet you and to say THANK YOU for your work on this forum! It has been so helpful in the few short months I've been here.

And yeah...what's in a name? What Becca said! I chose my screen name but...meh...I'm wishing I had picked something else out since I'm eager to get out of Montana.

I wish I could use my name here but the things I share feel too vulnerable lest a family member happen upon my thoughts here. I'm pretty much an open book for those who know me but yeah...privacy online is a concern for me.

PS Is there a way I can change my screen name? (Sorry for the off topic question!)

Beach Girl- So nice to meet you and to say THANK YOU for your work on this forum! It has been so helpful in the few short months I've been here.

And yeah...what's in a name? What Becca said! I chose my screen name but...meh...I'm wishing I had picked something else out since I'm eager to get out of Montana.

I wish I could use my name here but the things I share feel too vulnerable lest a family member happen upon my thoughts here. I'm pretty much an open book for those who know me but yeah...privacy online is a concern for me.

PS Is there a way I can change my screen name? (Sorry for the off topic question!)

Beach Girl- So nice to meet you and to say THANK YOU for your work on this forum! It has been so helpful in the few short months I've been here.

And yeah...what's in a name? What Becca said! I chose my screen name but...meh...I'm wishing I had picked something else out since I'm eager to get out of Montana.

I wish I could use my name here but the things I share feel too vulnerable lest a family member happen upon my thoughts here. I'm pretty much an open book for those who know me but yeah...privacy online is a concern for me.

PS Is there a way I can change my screen name? (Sorry for the off topic question!)

PS Is there a way I can change my screen name? (Sorry for the off topic question!)

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MontanaMom, it's not off-topic! I'm sure others have the same question! Yes, it is possible to change your username. To do this, send Forest a PM to let him know you want to change your username, and include the new name you want to use. He'll go ahead and change it for you.

My name's Walter. I learned years later that I was named after a friend of the family, but I don't remember seeing him again until I went to a relative's wedding when I was about 21. I was introduced to him but he was
a total stranger to me. I'm grateful that my middle name is George, named after my paternal grandfather.

Click to expand...

I find naming traditions to be pretty fascinating...in Judaism for instance, you're not supposed to name a child after someone who is living. Often you name a child after a relative or loved one who has died. The idea behind this is that the soul of the loved one lives on in the child who's named for that person.

I'm a twin, so all together, my parents had to choose two (actually, six -- two first names, two middle names, and two Hebrew names) significant names. Both of our Hebrew names are variations of the name Nacham, which was my paternal uncle's Hebrew name. He died in a freak accident three years before we were born (and a month before my parent's wedding, which they postponed). My sister's first and middle names are also for my uncle. My first name is for my paternal great-grandmother and my middle name is for my maternal great-grandmother. My parents chose these combinations based on who came out first. Interestingly, if my mom had a natural birth, I would've been first, and my sister would have been named Becca.

Later, I found out that the literal meanings of my first and middle names are pretty negative ("snare" and "weary") whereas my sister's is "gracious" and "gentle" . I told my mom this, and she actually got pretty upset, and apologized to me. Apparently, neither she nor my dad had looked at baby name books to see what the literal meanings were, for either of us. They were more focused on what the spiritual meanings were. I kind of liked that (although I will admit, when I have kids, I will look at those books!)

What an interesting note on Jewish naming tradition; I love learning new tidbits like that. In our family, a large Catholic one, mom and dad followed tradition with traditional Catholic (ie, names of saints) names.

And yes, we DID look up the meaning of names for our kids in addition to making sure their initials didn't spell out anything unfavorably. Hubby and I didn't follow any tradition....just pick names were were fond of that had positive meanings.