Tag Archives: Dad

So long time readers and friends will know I have a pretty intense relationship with my dad. Its always been that way. My dad, for those who dont know, is an alcoholic. He likes to think he isnt, but he damn well is. All of my childhood, he’s drank. In 2007 he got sorosis of the liver, and he gave up drink for four years but in 2011 he started again. Yes he drinks less now, but he still drinks, and when he drinks, he’s an asshole!
Yesterday morning, I got up, and went to the kitchen, I had been staying in mom and dads on Saturday night. I was sitting eating my toast, and I happened to mention to mom that I needed some groceries, and could she take me at some point? Usually my PA would take me on satuday morning, but this weekend I had to go to dublin so my PA didnt come on Saturday. So I said to mom could she take me, and she was like in a mood about it, and asked me what do you need? She said it in a way that was like “I dont really want to go” “Do you really need that much?” so of course I got snippy then and reacted by becoming irritated and snapped at her.
Immediately my dad started in on me…without warning. He said that I was treating mom badly, and I’m always treating her badly, which is totally untrue. He then went on to say that I was very bitter, I had an attitude, and was angry at the world. Hello? I’m angry at the world? Well yes! The world has been pretty fucking mean to me! First his drinking, his temper, then the abuse I endured, then the bullying, and on and on, you get the picture. Excuse me if I am a little angry because of all that.
When he’d finished calling me names, and saying things about me that werent nice, I was crying, upset, and ready to go home. I almost went home. Mom actually stood up for me even though I’d originally snapped at her. Later I apologised to mom and she told me just to not say anything around dad, that what he wont know wont bother him, and that if I needed her to go grocery shopping that she would, that all she’d been asking was what I needed, she didnt mean to sound like she was saying we shouldnt go.
Its too bad my dad wont deal with his anger issues, he’s always saying how I should give up seeing eileen and Dr Barry. He wants me off all meds. He says I dont have a mental illness. He says I just have an attitude and anger issues and its up to me to fix that.
Well, if I have an attitude and anger issues, I wonder where I got them from? Learnt behaviour? My family is so disfunctional that its not surprising I have those issues going on.

So some of you may know, we do not get along too good with our dad. Deep down somewhere, we know he loves us, at least some of us know it. Some of us however, just hate him. He has caused us so much pain in our life. He never sexually abused us, but he has verbally and physically abused us many times throughout our life. Also he is an alcoholic. A few years ago he got sorosis of the liver, and we got the blame from everybody, because, if we hadnt been such a bad daughter, overdosing all the time, trying to hurt everyone, then he might not have been so worried and developed it. Of course no one could say well if he hadnt drunk himself into an oblivian, then he might not have gotten it. He gave up drink for four and a half years, but now he’s back drinking again, although now all he is able to manage at any one time is about four pints of beer. I think his age of 61 means he cant withstand that much drink any more which isnt a bad thing. In therapy on thursday night we talked a little about our dad. One of the insiders Teagan said to Eileen that he’s an asshole, and Eileen said, you dont mince words do you? And she said no because it is true. Our dads temper is awful. Its scary and leaves us literally crumbling in fear and terror. When he yells, he always scares the littles and sends us spiraling. He always only yells at us though. He never yells at our mom, sister, or the kids. Our dads early life wasnt great. We try to see that. He suffered abuse and was abused in his childhood. But is that an excuse to target us? I dont think so. But we do love him. Its just his temper that gets to us. And his drinking. We wish he’d give up the alcohol again. I think it will kill him. As for the physical abuse, I only have one clear memory, but I know there is more. But the one memory I have is when I was about 17, one day our mom was at work. We had a fight, about something stupid, and he locked us in the sitting room for the day and wouldnt allow us out. No bathroom breaks, no food, no water, nothing. We just sat there in tears all day. Before he locked us in Ro, one of the insiders here fought him, she wedged her leg between the door, but he shoved us back, causing us to fall backwards and then he was able to slam the door and key it. That is the only clear memory I have of him physically abusing us. I cant write any more for now, I wanted to write what was said in therapy but it will have to wait for another posCarol anne