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Funny satire stories about statistics

Fayetteville, AR - A recent study by the University of Arkansas found that a person's excitement about New Year's Eve and associated celebrations tends to fade with a person's age.
Lead researcher Vernon Springer, PhD, professor emeritus at the U...

Statistics is a funny science. The process of collecting and interpreting data can often lead to some unpleasant, odd, or belief-defying answers. It doesn't always yield perfect results, but like any scientific endeavor, we can be sure more often than not that our work, if done correctly, leads us to the truth. But of all the claims we can make using statistics, perhaps the most outrageous is the...

The recent apology by Cardinal Keith O'Brien where he admitted to below-standard sexual conduct, has inspired a radical review of offences.
HR, ecumenical and legal professionals are all celebrating the proposed new terminology. "Really it is an...

It appears the Congress would be better off banning carpenters tools than making rifles illegal.
Statistics released by the FBI reveal that in 2005 the number of people murdered with a rifle was 445 while carpenters and handymen and ball players k...

According to the United Nations the 7th billion person, an Indian baby, was born and this is symbolic proof that the human race has doubled over the last 50 years. "Bullshit" claim tramps living under bridges and underground tunnels, etc, the world o...

A new poll has thrown doubt on the results of thousands of surveys which claim to reflect the moods and tastes of the nation.
This latest survey, carried out by PollsRUs for EIF News & Features, questioned several local people and came up with...

Here's a bothering statistic: the average Brit spends 36 minutes a day worrying about something.
A survey of 2,000 people showed that we worry about paying bills and keeping healthy, but the chief issue keeping us awake at night is: "Am I too fat?...

The head of the new government department for analyzing statistics, Sir Arthur Dozen MP said his fresh approach to interpreting statistics would help to improve the government's popularity and make people feel safer.
He outlined how his new approa...

A recent hard-hitting survey has revealed that statistics have risen upwards at an unprecedented rate and are currently at an all-time high.
The shock report reported that a shocking 74% of all statistics are only 39% worthwhile, while 22% of the...

A plane chartered by the Canadian government to fly stranded citizens out of Libya has left Tripoli airport completely empty, Canadian sources have reported.
Although this may appear a bit bizarre, a number of other countries have had similar expe...

A poll has revealed that only 9% of people surveyed knew of the existence of the Cultural Olympiad , planned to mark the London Games of 2012.
This statistic is causing great concern amongst the organisers, who are blaming a low key media policy for the disappointing results.
The organisers should, however, be more worried about some of the other trends that have emerged from the survey.

Repeated viewing of violent scenes in films, television or video games could make teenagers behave more aggressively, US research suggests.
Its understood that other research studies also suggested that excessive exposure to content such as Jackas...

Rising life expectancies and improved health means the population is ageing much more slowly than at the end of last century.
The US and Austrian study in the well respected Science magazine makes a number of amazing discoveries.
The study also...

LONDON - A new article has found several links between things.
Nearly 90% of the population did not know the difference between real scientific figures and made-up statistical babble.
"It's really something," said Prof. Mann, "nearly 98% of pri...

(Irish Times) - Medical research focusing on the work of British mathematician, Frederick Lanchester, suggests that his theories may explain why women live longer on average than men.
Said Dr. Eoin "Sweet Release" O'Death of County Mayo Clinic: "...

A study in personal preferences over the way that people prefer to have data displayed has shown a remarkable personal bias among those questioned.
Ninety-six percent of overweight people said that they preferred a pie chart as an information disp...

Advertising Watchdog, OffWatch, are to clamp down on misleading statistics in British Adverts, as they are being used to increasingly baffle UK consumers.
Claims such as "Up to 8Meg Broadband" and "87% of Women" are to be scrapped, and simpler, mo...

New Research from the Bread School of Bredbury has shown that people prefer sandwiches with a filling, rather than plain bread.
More controversially, it doesn't matter what the filling is, from Corned Beef and Piccalilli to Egg Mayonnaise or Prawn...

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