A Well-Written Profile

The key to success on JDate is a well-written profile. By joining JDate, you have taken a big step toward finally meeting Mr./Mrs. Right as opposed to Mr./Mrs. Right Now. Since you are now serious about finding somebody special, take the time one evening to fully complete your entire profile, especially the essays.

The first section that appears in your profile is the Basics. Some people like to list their age as a few years younger for search purposes. Should you decide to do this, you MUST mention your real age in the About Me essay on the first page of your profile. When you contact somebody through the site, you definitely want to know the other person’s age, height and weight upfront before you decide to meet. Why shouldn’t they have the same opportunity?

The About Me section is the most important essay in the profile. You are an interesting person with many interests and traits. Tell us about them! You have to shine on your first page. Imagine going to a bookstore and looking for an interesting book to read. Which one do you pick up and review? The one with the interesting cover and the catchy title. Don’t be the book that is overlooked.

When you have piqued somebody’s interest, they will continue on to the Relationships section of your profile. Once again, you need to fully complete these essays. Fully describe your ideal first date, perfect relationship, and the person of your dreams. Be specific, interesting and honest. A reader wants to know exactly what you are looking for before they contact you. You will get more letters from people who have similar goals and values when your essays are thorough.

After a couple of hours, you have finally completed your JDate profile. Now, go back and reread everything you wrote. Do your essays pop? Do you write in proper English using complete sentences and avoiding typos? Are the essays consistent? Is there anything else that you want to mention?

Before submitting your essays, I highly recommend showing your essays to a friend of the opposite sex. Ask them to read the essays and let you know whether or not they are well-written and interesting. Their critique is vital. Make the changes they recommend.

JDaters who follow the simple advice in this column will find that they receive many more emails from people with whom they have much in common. I wish you well and look forward to hearing about your success. Please leave your questions and comments here as I will now be writing a monthly article on JDate.

After being a bachelor for many years and counseling his friends about dating, Brad Berkowitz, who is now a JDate Success Story, decided to write the book, The 21st Century Guide to Bachelorhood: Lessons Learned Over 20 Years, to help other men navigate the dating scene. To purchase the book, click here! For more articles by Brad, click here.

About relative age in relationships:
Make rules for yourself, don’t try to make rules for other people. I’m 72, and my wife was three years younger than me. Some time after her death (many decades ago), I pursued and had a wonderful relationship with, a woman 15 years older than me. Later, I was pursued by and then had a wonderful relationship with, a woman 17 years younger than me.

About people who don’t respond to emails:
This is the mark of a person who cares only for themselves, and not a whit for others. You are fortunate that they revealed themselves to you. Those unfortunates who they did answer, may find out after much heartache, that which you learned immediately.

Try to make yourself desirable:
Be sure that your profile is friendly and not haughty. Put a smile on your face and photo, and be clean & combed. If you’re a woman (I’m not being sexist, just reporting the current standard in our society) use tasteful cosmetics, including fingernail polish. Everyone might not like your choice of eyeglass style. Consider taking your photos without eyeglasses. Consider using “frameless” eyeglasses.

I was very honest and thorough in my paragraphs. My photos were updated roughly every 2 months or so to keep them current and to get more looks from girls. I sometimes changed my paragraphs a little to keep them fresh.

To JustAGuy, are these women you mention about wanting marriage after 6 weeks of dating still on JDate? If so, what are their profile names because like Alex’s comment above, I would love to date a girl in their thirties who wants to get married soon. This is why I am on Jdate, to marry the right one. I am in my early to mid forties.

As an answer to the person asking about “lying” about your age: If you list your age incorrectly at the top, you MUST put the correct age in the profile paragraph and mention that you only put the incorrect age in there for search purposes only. Lying is a bad thing and you will always get caught. In fact, don’t lie about anything: age, height, preferences, etc. It will always come back to bite you.

A well written profile is important. If somebody is not contacting you or replying to your note, move on. They aren’t interested. A woman will be more likely to read a man’s profile than a man wil. A man will rely more on the photos.

John…. Attractiveness is in the eyes of the beholder. A man 70 may think a woman 65 is a stunner, whereas a man 70 may see a woman at 30 as a child. So, it is “your” reality check, which really is quite limiting and well, does nothing for most women. And, this woman, no matter what I look like, would be turned off by it since we all age. However, I do think everyone needs to be honest and not misrepresent themselves. I am also quite attractive and have very up to date photos…but, I am assuming that as I age, my physical appearance will change, too

Unfortunately, I disagree about the well written profile. Sure it’s better than having nothing in the profile, but although I consider myself handsome, attractive looking women regardless of age won’t correspond with you whether it’s your photo or any other reason because you never get replies from them whether it’s flirts, ecards or well written emails. Attractive women twenties to forties need a major reality check. They don’t stay young and attractive forever, therefore it doesn’t make them a catch!

Ladies, please don’t be put off by JustAGuy’s comments. I would love an atrractive lady 30 plus to want to marry me. I am an eligible bachelor in my mid 40’s and I find the reverse situation, that a lady doesn’t want to commit.

Can someone please tell me what women really want? Pardon the pun, as this is of course, a well known film? I keep reading that guys go for looks, which is true. However, a lot of women complain about men going for much younger women due to youthful looks, but I haven’t read any women’s thoughts about what they are after in a man, in an order of priority. Could a lady please enlighten me as men keep getting rejected, not knowing the real reasons, and after reading all the dating tips.

Hi,
Isn’t putting a younger age for search, and correcting it in the profile just
telling someone you are not really upfront? Can you suggest a way of correcting the search age without it seeming a bit tacky?
Thanks
K

Dear Brad,
I’m 71, very active,looking much younger,(without any silicone aid anywhere)my main problem was/is that the I met really valued men of 74,but when it came to physical intimate situation I feal a reject sessation on my part.but this is not the case when I meet someone 5-10 younger. I’m still friends with the older men, at the moment I’m dated by a 64 nice man that explained his rejection of younger women, that they want to be entertained, presents, money etc’, so Amen hope for the best for everybody.

There’s another reason men avoid Women over 35 (or over 30 in my case, since I’m 30).

It isn’t looks.
And in fact, less young women have a lot to go for them, since you’re not dating infants.

The reason is marriage. Women over 30, especially Jewish women over 30, get marriage crazy. I’ve dated a few of them, and I swore “Never again!”

When I mean marriage crazy, I’m not talking about “wants to get married”. I’m talking about “wants to get married NOW” – women who start dropping hints after 6 weeks, who expect a serious commitment after 3 months. This sounds like a joke – how can you know someone after 6 weeks??

Inever did this but happened upon this site and read the comments. I too am very attractive,intelligent, grand sense of humor and enjoy life. I believe I have all the fine qualities that would interest a man.I am also,it seems, out of the loop at 78 years young. Iam considerably younger in appearance and attitude towards life, but men of my age and in their 80’s want much younger woman. .One can’t help laughing at their requests but my laughter is now tinged with discouragment. Seven years ago I became a widow, my daugher suggested I join Jdate and start enjoying life again.

Idid and the first contact told me I made my first big mistake in the dating game by not lying about my age, and not taking off five years from my 70. I would not consder taking one day off my life for any
man.

The past few years of being a member of JDate I met some very nice men, but now the pickings are slim and as long as an 84year old men wants a 64 year old woman, My “sisters” and I will have a more difficlt time, but I never say never and hope reigns supreme.

So,Please,all you wonderful, young and not so young women out there, be very proud of every year of your life you and dont be intimidated by the little men who believe a number brings happens. We know better!

I am in my 70s but very active and youthful. Believe it or not, most men my age are looking for women the age of my children!! (and no doubt the age of their own children) What do you say to that. Whatever are they thinking? And WHY?

Actually, I prefer using my real age and if I am not within the scope of man’s age parameters, I see it as he is not right for me. The man who chooses wisely will wind up being happy as opposed to the man or woman who is unrealistic. I am looking for success and that can only be found in total honesty, acceptance of self, and the ability to allow self to be a bit vulnerable. I scout the “connects or hot list” and see who interests me. If I am truly interested, I email in an effort to engage the man in conversation. Sometimes just by virtue of the fact that a man has seen my photo, yet I have not been in his viewing due to his parameters until this time, opens a door. In the event the door does not open for me, then I surely would not want to walk through anyway. I always remain upbeat, confident and figure I am a wonderful date or even partner for the next interested man.

I’m a woman for whom physical attraction for the opposite sex means just as much for men. Of course, intelligence is just as high on the list, but if there is no physical attraction then we can’t even proceed to find out if there is anything else of interest.

I’m in my early sixties and good looking men are a rarity in this age group, however, I am only looking for one.

Brad:
I think this is the same Berky that I knew from Lido Beach/Lenox, etc. I think the last time I saw you was Andy Goldstein’s grad party 20 something years ago.

If so, to all the readers, all I have to say is that Brad was the sharpest guy I knew and really knows about relationships. He is very engaging and bright. The women used to fall all over him! You da man!

the generalization here you make is that younger women are prettier.
A 43 year old who wears sunscreen and doesn’t smoke can be more attractive than a 34 year old “girl” as you call them who doesn’t take care of herself.

Tom, thanks for the feedback. Nowhere did I say anything about lack of values or anything like that. My point was simply that most guys will prefer much younger girls. Guys are far more visual than women and typically make choices based on looks. I am not saying the choices are good, but they are based mostly on looks.

My opinion is that I view it as a pyramid. Looks are at the top for guys. As we get deeper and deeper, we have more complex emotions and depth in a woman. These values are the base of the pyramid. The pyramide will fall over without its base.

I noticed that you went to the University of Pennsylvania. I did as well. I totally disagree with your point about looks. Our Sages say that he who marries someone for their good looks will not stay married once the good looks have ended. This concept of having a show bride is not nearly as common in the South where people live more simply and appreciate values. I am currently 38 and dating a 41 year old woman who is mature, sophisticated and has much more depth than a 24 year old beauty.

Men think much more visually than do women. While women seek out other attributes, the first thing a man will look for is visual beauty. His thought process will be (and I am not saying they are right or wrong), is that, “I can have that girl over there or I can have that same girl over there who is 15 years younger.” They will invariably choose the much younger girl.

When people are in their late teens and early to mid 20s, women tend not to date men that are the same age as they are. They will invariably choose the older guy, whether it is a freshman girl choosing to date a senior in college, or a 24 year old girl choosing to date a 30 year old guy when there are many eligible 24 year old guys she can just as easily date.

Unfortunately, the role reversal occurs as men age. They tend to not look at women their own age anymore and prefer to date younger. You can read more of my thoughts on this in my book: http://bit.ly/RhEgp

Yeah, great advice. 8 out of 10 profiles (men and women) have the same key things in their first lines -“I love to laugh”, “I’m loyal, understanding, kind, caring, fun, outgoing…” These do not stand out or catch ones’ eye. Everybody thinks they are like that, and I don’t know anyone who does not love to laugh. And the ones that start with the accounting of their children are an immediate tune-out. You’ve got to come up with something original and thought-provoking.
PS, ladies, I’m a 50 year old guy who really chooses to relate to someone within 5-7 years each direction of that. Women in their 30’s these days rarely have the depth and breadth of experience and knowledge that someone older can bring to the table.

hi Brad – just wondering why you haven’t responded to the women bewildered and understandably chagrined that men seem to go for much younger women rather than anyone their own age. We are perplexed especially since we know that some of the younger women only date the older men because of economic necessity….and find it amusing that these same men seem surprised when the women leave them….
Any thoughts on what we can do to encourage men our age to consider us? or do we have to misrepresent our age to get a chance?

If you think it’s difficult to date in your 30’s, try being 60 like me. I have recently decided to start dating & have gotten responses from men in their 30’s & some close to 80. I would prefer to date someone close to my age, someone who is active as I am. I cannot understand why men need to date women who are 20 years younger. Will they ever grow up???

Hi Myriam, I totaly relate. I’m almost 33 & I’m approached by men in their late 40’s, even 50’s & such. Men who have been through several marriages and have kids my age! They act as though it’s normal & exceptable, when it’s actually pathetic & disgraceful. I found myself snapping at one of them, asking: “How would you like it if an old man like you approached your daughter?”

Men need a major reality check. They don’t stay young forever, & having the ability to reproduce at any age, doesn’t make them a catch!

Thanks, Brad, for your tips. Perhaps you can tell jewish men that women don’t turn into pumpkins at 35.

At 37, I’m active, fit, youthful (in fact, it wasn’t that long ago that i was still getting asked for id) and young at heart – but no man under 43+ looks at my profile. And since my lifestyle resembles much more that of 25-30-year olds than the lifestyle of most upwards of 40-45, I find this discouraging at best and insulting at worst. I’m certainly not trying to meet a 25-year old – but it sure would be nice if I fell in the radar (i.e. search parameters) of men that share my passions and interests. And it wouldn’t be so disempowering to know that men are so dismissive of women over 35… (I know this because I’ve changed my age several times to test the demographic of men that look at my profile depending on what age I am).

I would like to address two pet peeves of mine when it comes to the photographs that people display. Since I am a guy, I will critique some women’s images, but I am sure that the same may also apply to men, so please feel free that the same applies to men.

First is the photograph where a woman is in the arms of another man. I would have no way of knowing if it is her brother, co-worker or friend, but for all intents and purposes, I can perhaps also assume that it is an ex-boyfriend that she has not completely gotten over yet. I would recommend that women not use these types of photos, or worse, cropped ones where it is clear that there is a man’s arms on you and there is a vague attempt to disguise this fact.

The second issue I have is a group shot. The focus should be on the person placing the ad, playing a guessing game of which of the four women all with blond hair, is the Jdater is frustrating. I personally would like to see the person, not her friends and co-workers.

You are absolutely correct. Somebody that doesn’t take the time to complete the profile won’t take it seriously. The goal of the site is for people to have the ability to learn a lot about each other before deciding to meet. If somebody doesn’t take it seriously, don’t take them seriously.

Thanks for all the tips. Turning yourself into an open book is never easy, but it’s essential in this field. As a woman, I can tell you that I ignore empty profiles, no matter how appealing the picture is. You can tell a lot about a guy from what he writes, and a member with a blanc profile, basicaly states that he is not taking the site, it’s members or online dating altogether very seriously.
Being an Israeli girl, I can sadly say, that I see a lot of that on Jdate.co.il, as opposed to the global site, when these same men would have no problem exposing themselves to the world, on Facebook or Twitter.
There’s no shame in using the net for the sacred purpose, of building yet another Jewish home.
I wish Israeli men would get that & lose their macchio attitude.

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