Love was one
of the words that was missing in my early teen
years. My love life was really boring. I had never
been in love. The only love I felt was for my
parents, my brothers, my relatives and my friends.
I didn't know why, but I felt really lonely during
those early years of my teens. I loved reading
romance novels and I often dreamed of my "Prince
Charming" or my "knight in shining armor" coming to
my rescue. But no one came in my real life. I was
always on the lookout for cute guys, always hoping
that a day would come that I would finally meet
him. But that day never came. It never came,
because the person I was looking for was right
there all along. He was right there in front of me
but I was too blind to see him. He was a friend of
mine; let's just call him Ace. An accident happened
that made me realize that he was the one. He was
rushed to a hospital because of an accident that
nearly killed him and my friends. During those days
that he was absent from school, I realized that I
was missing him. And when he finally showed up, I
was so happy and relieved that he was safe.

He was then
courting a girl named Pauline. Before the accident,
I was one of his friends who helped him court the
girl. And because of that I felt sad and I hated
myself for that. I didn't know what I felt whenever
I saw him with Pauline. Until one day I confided to
my friend Lui, and she told me that I was jealous
and that I was in love with Ace. I couldn't believe
it! How could I not see it? But it was too late. He
was in love with Pauline and I couldn't do anything
about it. Then one day I found out that Pauline
dumped him because she was not yet ready for a
serious relationship. Ace was devastated. And I was
really angry with Pauline for causing him so much
pain. But I could not do anything without revealing
my true feelings. And I was so afraid to let him
know because I was not his type of girl. He can
never love me because I do not possess the
qualities that he liked in a girl. And I will never
do anything to ruin our friendship.

So me and my
girlfriends kept it secret. Even though I know
that Ace can never love me, I can't help but hope
that he might see me as me. Then one day, as myself and my friends were watching
TV in a friend's
house, he arrived with a girl, whom he introduced
to us as the new girl he was courting. Her name was Roanne. I felt so lost and I felt my heart ache as
I saw him with Roanne. But his courtship didn't
last long. He was bored because they didn't see each
other very often. And his feelings for her suddenly
disappeared. I didn't know what or how I would feel
about it. But deep down, I know I was happy because
I was hoping that I'm the one for him. I kept my
feelings for him secret for a year. But then the
worst thing happen. It was during our intramurals
when two of my friends, Lui and Yasmin, told me
that Ace is again in love with a girl named
Giselle. She was in love with Ace since our
first year. I was soooo devastated by what I heard.
Ace courted Giselle for seven years, and then they
became boyfriend and girlfriend.

I decided to
end my fantasies. Because my feelings for Ace were
only a dream that could never come true. Ace and
Giselle's relationship was a rollercoaster. They
often fought, and I always saw Ace with a tearful
eye. I want to ease his pain but I know I cannot
and I don't have the right. Until now I don't know
what to do. I don't know how to forget about him.
But I know I can never do that, especially now that
he and Giselle are having a fight. I'm so confused,
do I need to forget him? Or do I have to prove my
feelings for him? I know he needs someone right
now. But I don't know what to do. All I know is
that I'm in love with a friend of mine.

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