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Friday, May 30, 2008

I'm Back

I really missed blogging. Over the last month or so, I've resolved some long-standing issues in my life, and hopefully addressing those issues head on will ultimately lead me to a career (and eventually career success). It is a long, complicated story, but unfortunately, not an uncommon one in Michigan right now.

Cleaning out the office I share with Brian, I came across many of my files from college. There were a couple of projects of which I am proud. I also spent a lot of time going through all of my paperwork - bills, insurance papers, letters, cards, note-worthy newspaper clippings. It feels great to actually have a nice working space once again.

A couple of things happened through this entire process (there are still a few things I need to do) of organizing things in my life, including relationships (long story), that made me realize that I'm really not that far from achieving my goals. It is good to know and motivates me to finally find a permanent solution to that overriding question that has plagued me for three years and caused so much destruction in my life - the question of a career and a job.

As I said earlier, I'm far from the only well-educated young professional in this situation in Michigan. I'm tired of everyone focusing on everything but bringing new jobs to this state. We are instead focusing on educating the workforce of Texas, California, Arizona, and pretty much the rest of the country. I really wish I knew how to get involved in helping to turn this sorry state around. Any ideas? I'm tired of just talking about it and feeling powerless.

I am glad that you voted; I knew you would. That is considered action to me. I was only number 126 when I voted--where was everyone else? Do they know anything about the candidates? Or, that they can only vote for one party during the Primary Election in Michigan?

It is okay to say that you are successful. It was a general statement, not a personal one. Successful people don't seem to be caught talking about their life because they are too busy working. You have always worn your heart on your sleeve and that is one of your strengths. A lot of people make their strengths, their weaknesses, too.

I also believe in purpose. Having almost lost my life twice, I don’t believe in mistakes. It might take 5 years for you to figure out why you are where you are today. We can’t predict the future, but we can make choices to help us from being "misguided."

I've really enjoyed your comments. After reading that only 20% of registered voters actually voted in the primary on Tuesday, I wonder about the entire process too. I really wished that I could have voted in Arenac County due to the fact that I really cared about the sheriff race there. Oh well. I don't like the fact that voters have to vote a straight party ticket in the primary, but that didn't stop me from voting.

You are correct that I wear my heart on my sleeve. It is certainly a double-edged sword. It goes back to my family though. My Dad's family never let their feelings go unknown. Things might be contentious at times and we are all incredibly stubborn, but I much prefer it to a false sense of security. Not bringing problems out into the open can cause serious long-term damage, and I've already experienced too much of it in my life.

I'm sorry to hear that you almost lost your life twice, but I'm very glad that you are now OK. I almost lost my life several times, and if you want to get technical, it is pretty amazing that I was born at all. Most fetuses with Turner Syndrome simply are miscarried.

Maybe that is why the questions of "Why am I here?" and "What am I supposed to be doing?" have been at the forefront of my mind for years. I've always seemed to be much older than I actually am, but now that I'm out of school, I actually enjoy it.

Thanks for the great comments anonymous.

Lindsey

By the way, I realized too late that you didn't mean for the successful comment to be personal. I've actually made the same observation myself.

I am well aware of the Sheriff race in Arenac County. The incumbant is now blaming the "Underground Newspaper."

Can you have kids? If not, do you plan to adopt?

Because you are asking the question, "Why am I here?" I believe that you are attempting to live up to a purpose, which is good.

School was probably hard, as many kids are uneducated about things like T.S. If someone picked on your for your height, or any other physical feature, they were uneducated. A lot of times, they have insecurities, so they take it out on someone else.

I am well aware of the Sheriff race in Arenac County. The incumbant is now blaming the "Underground Newspaper."

Can you have kids? If not, do you plan to adopt?

Because you are asking the question, "Why am I here?" I believe that you are attempting to live up to a purpose, which is good.

School was probably hard, as many kids are uneducated about things like T.S. If someone picked on you for your height, or any other physical feature, they were uneducated. A lot of times, they have insecurities, so they take it out on someone else.

Anonymous - As always, it is great to hear from you. The race for sheriff in Arenac County is incredibly interesting to watch. I know many of the players on pretty much all sides, and I am pleasantly surprised that it hasn't become even more overtly political.

As for children, Brian and I do plan to adopt if and when we decide to have children (long story). There is a small chance that I could become pregnant naturally, but many women with TS are looking to undergo in vitro fertilization. However, the more I researched IVF and read first hand accounts of couples going through the process, the more I began to understand that IVF is not for me.

In a very real sense, I grew up around adoption and realize just how good it can be for everyone involved. I have a young cousin who is adopted, and you wouldn't believe how she has taken on some of the personality traits of my aunt (which is actually kind of frightening).

Regarding school and such, I understand why I was such a target. You are absolutely right to state that it comes from their own insecurities and ignorance. My Mom made me realize that a long time ago, and I am glad that she had so much training in child development.

What I wasn't prepared for was a return of my own childhood insecurities as I entered the workforce. I thought that I had put that all behind me the day I graduated from high school and certainly by the time I graduated from college. However, seemingly arbitrary rejection seemed to bring back all too familiar feelings of inadequacy and helplessness. I'm working on it :D

Everyone (90% of people) has feelings of inadequacy, but people choose to handle them in different ways. People with anxiety, etc. are actually great people and have more potential than others because they care and often “Wear their heart on their sleeve.” If their energy is used inwardly, it creates insecurities. If it is used outwardly, their smarts and rapport are a winning combination. It is the people that don’t care that I worry about. Rejection is a good thing in many ways and everyone deals with it at some point in their life. It keeps a person grounded. As I said before, “People that don’t have rejection are not trying to succeed.” Rejection can only happen if you are trying to move forward. Moving forward or trying to is to be respected, as many people choose to stay in their comfort bubble in fear of rejection. Don’t take this the wrong way, but you are not that important for the whole world to go around thinking about you every minuet. Do you see what I mean? People have their own agenda, so those thought you have that create feelings of inadequacy are probably something you came up with on your own. I have found that most people are nice and want good for others. If you do adopt, your feelings and actions will be carried on in their traits. Environment is important and they will “Start to act like you.” I would rather be rejected than have things handed to me. Try to name one respected person that did not have insecurities and rejection at some point in their life; it is almost impossible.

Everyone (90% of people) has feelings of inadequacy, but people choose to handle them in different ways. People with anxiety, etc. are actually great people and have more potential than others because they care and often “Wear their heart on their sleeve.” If their energy is used inwardly, it creates insecurities. If it is used outwardly, their smarts and rapport are a winning combination. It is the people that don’t care that I worry about. Rejection is a good thing in many ways and everyone deals with it at some point in their life. It keeps a person grounded. As I said before, “People that don’t have rejection are not trying to succeed.” Rejection can only happen if you are trying to move forward. Moving forward or trying to is to be respected, as many people choose to stay in their comfort bubble in fear of rejection. Don’t take this the wrong way, but you are not that important for the whole world to go around thinking about you every minute. Do you see what I mean? People have their own agenda, so those thoughts you have that create feelings of inadequacy are probably something you came up with on your own. I have found that most people are nice and want good for others. If you do adopt, your feelings and actions will be carried on in their traits. Environment is important and they will “Start to act like you.” I would rather be rejected than have things handed to me. Try to name one respected person that did not have insecurities and rejection at some point in their life; it is almost impossible.

Once again, you are correct anonymous. You are beginning to remind me of one of my favorite teachers (and that is a very good thing). It wasn't just all of the rejection that took me by surprise, but the feelings that it conjured up. Everyone has to face it sooner or later. I wish that some young kids weren't so sheltered from failure by their parents. Maybe then there would be less of a sense of entitlement all around.

I agree with you in that I would rather work for what I have rather than have it handed to me. The best things are always worth fighting for and are worth the wait. I certainly found that to be true with regards to love. I imagine it to be true with regards to my career as well. I'm just glad that I know what it is that I want now. I didn't for a very long time.

I happened to reread some of your earlier comments, and I don't believe in mistakes either. I'm not sure if you know this, but I do know part of the reason why things have happened the way that they did after moving back to Michigan. I'm sure that more will be revealed at a later date. My Grandma taught me that lesson a long time ago - everything happens for a reason.

I was simply comparing you to my favorite teachers and professors from both high school and college. Each one added something unique to my education that I value. While I had perfectly competent teachers throughout my education (at all levels), only a handful left a lasting impact on me (you remind me of them). For whatever reason, your comments reminded me of a few of them.

With regards to moving back to Michigan, I won't go into great detail. There were a variety of reasons why Brian and I moved to Bay City. My biggest frustration has been trying to get a career going here. The job market here isn't conducive to my education, background, and experience at all right now. It seems as though everyone who cares about me is trying to pull me in different directions career-wise.

Sometimes I feel as though I'm so close to fulfilling a dream that I've had since childhood that I'm actually afraid to pursue the rest of it. Oddly enough, it wouldn't take much.

It has been great talking to you. This is the first time I have participated in a blog. I am sorry to say that this will be the last time I contact you. The main reason is because I want you to keep what I said in the past in mind. I believe that if I keep talking to you, the meaning of it will be lost. All good stories need to have an end.

It is funny that you said I am like a teacher---I am a high school teacher.

I said something mean to you in Elementary school and I am sorry. I want to let you know that I was only trying to impress the other kids--it had nothing to do with you. I also didn't know you had T.S. I want to let you know that I am very sorry and I look up to you a lot.

A lot of people are scared of success, but someone has to set an example for the future generations. I believe you would be a great teacher.

It has been great talking to you. This is the first time I have participated in a blog. I am sorry to say that this will be the last time I contact you. The main reason is because I want you to keep what I said in the past in mind. I believe that if I keep talking to you, the meaning of it will be lost. All good stories need to have an end.

It is funny that you said I am like a teacher---I am a high school teacher.

I said something mean to you in Elementary School and I am sorry. I want to let you know that I was only trying to impress the other kids--it had nothing to do with you. I also didn't know you had T.S. I want to let you know that I am very sorry and I look up to you a lot.

A lot of people are scared of success, but someone has to set an example for the future generations. I believe you would be a great teacher.

Wow anonymous. I'm not sure what to say. You say that you look up to me, but I'm the one looking up to you at this moment.

I'm not surprised that you are a teacher at all. I can usually sense the good ones, the ones who have something to say to future generations. It is funny that you should say that I would make a good teacher. You probably know this (if you grew up with me or know me personally), but I come from a very long line of teachers. I have seriously considered going back to school to become a teacher. We will see where things take me.

As for your apology, there is no need to apologize. All kids say mean things. I know that I said things as a child that I now regret. Everyone does it.

I had a sneaking suspicion of who you are, or thought that I did until today, but in the end, I'm very glad that I don't know. You comments are wonderful and I will cherish them for a long time to come. Would you mind if I used them to compile a post called "Anonymous"? I think that it would be interesting.

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About Me

I graduated from Michigan State University in May 2004 with degrees in Supply Chain Management and Spanish.
Currently, I am searching for a new job in Bay City, Michigan as my boyfriend and I are creating a wonderful life for ourselves in Michigan. We are looking forward to buying a house in Bay City and planning our wedding!
I enjoy sharing my thoughts and feelings with everyone. I also enjoy studying varying opinions and ideas from a variety of sources.