The Things Women Do For Attention

Females are an interesting breed of human beings. Virtually everything they do reflects their complex mix of humor, emotion, intelligence, and overall concept of amusement. With such a wide variety of actions along with the thoughts that inspire them, sometimes you just have to wonder what exactly goes through females’ brains when they do certain things.

Like purposely drawing attention to themselves. Some women crave attention so badly that they go to extreme lengths to try and impress anyone they possibly can. Side note: This article will be directed to the college aged female, as I hope that women grow out of these habits after they graduate.

I’m Wearing No Makeup!

"Selfies" are fun. You know, pictures you take of yourself. I love selfies, don’t get me wrong; I post them on a regular basis. I always get a kick out of certain selfies, though--selfies that are captioned “No Makeup”.

I truly wonder whether the girls who do these things think at all before they post. Do they think that we’re going to look at these pictures and say ,“Wow, she’s so naturally beautiful," as opposed to all the others who need make up to gain the confidence to take a photo of themselves? No. I’ll tell you what everyone is thinking: “Wow, this girl definitely has at least concealer on and maybe a tiny bit of eyeliner. She most likely took this picture eight times and touched it up in Camera+ before she posted it on Instagram.”

Roll out of bed after a night of drinking, wash your face completely clean and then take a picture of yourself before I make judgments on whether you’re naturally beautiful or not.

I love sports!

I’m a die-hard New York Giants fan. I’ve lived through two Super Bowl Wins (sorry, Patriots) and each time there has been a ridiculous amount of front-runners that I’ve had to deal with, most of them being females.

Front-runners are people that suddenly discover they are attached to a certain sports team once they realize two things: The first is that most of the people they know are fans of said team, and the second is that it has become cool to be seen wearing the merchandise advertising of this franchise--mostly due to the fact that the team is on a winning streak of epic proportion.

We all know you don’t watch football regularly. How? Because you bought your first Giants shirt during week three of the playoffs or the only Giants gear you own is a bedazzled hoodie from Victoria’s Secret. You tweet “Yay Giants!” when they win, yet you can’t name ten players and/or their positions.

I once saw a picture of a girl who took a (fake) Giants jersey, cut it into a crop top, and paired it with her Armani Exchange sunglasses, skinny jeans and Uggs. I can’t make this shit up. Not only has this poor girl revealed that she isn't really a fan but she also, hopefully unintentionally, became a guidette in the process. Double whammy.

I think girls lie about being sports fans because they feel like guys will be impressed and therefore attracted to this love for sports they both now share. However, in reality, the guys know that you’re watching the Kardashians on Sunday night instead of the game, ruining your entire façade.

I drink so much!

“Oh my gawwwdd I took like 15 shots, look here it’s on my arm!” Tallying how many shots you took on your arm is an epidemic that has been spreading like wildfire across college campuses everywhere.

Females will take a sharpie and put a tally on their wrist each time they take a “shot” (it’s really a sip from a water bottle of vodka, but who’s counting) and wake up each morning with 15-20 tallies on their arm. We all know this is a farce, because you’re 115 pounds, ate salad for dinner and would most likely die if you ingested that much alcohol. But yes, we’re all impressed by how much you can drink. Please do this again next weekend.

I’m Ugly!

Exclaiming how ugly or fat you are on a regular basis is a desperate cry for attention. We all know that you don’t think you’re ugly or fat because if you did, you would be too embarrassed to admit it. Females do this all the time and it angers me to no end.

Everyone knows that it's a friend's personal responsibility to give attention to someone who seems insecure about their weight or appearance to the point where it could be damaging to their self-esteem. People who use this tactic need to feed their insecurity with compliments about their body, which, as they already knew, wasn't anything to complain about in the first place.

When I was in late middle school/early high school, the girls in my grade were starting to get their belly buttons pierced. This is completely acceptable as I have had mine pierced for several years now, but the after process of this piercing was miserable to observe. The guys would ask the girls to see their newest body jewelry and the girls would always respond, “No, I’m fat.”

Why would you get a belly button piercing then? Why would you spend $100 on a piercing, so no one can see it, because you think you’re fat? I refuse to give you any attention.

I’m Tough!

Girls who think they’re tough are so cute. Females talk shit for a living; I’ve gotten used to it by now and just brush it off. Some females, however, choose take shit-talking to a whole new level by lying about how they're actually going to do something about it, every damn time.

These are the girls who exclaim, “I’ll fuck that bitch up,” every time another girl says something about them. Yeah, not going to happen. I can guarantee you’re not going to fuck that girl up, no matter what she says next. You’re probably going to go to twitter and sub-tweet about her, maybe glare across a 25-foot room next time you see her, and all in all, not do anything.

It’s okay though, we’re all so taken back by how intimidating you are and are now paying attention to you, isn’t that what you wanted?