I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?

You have just received the Amish Computer Virus. Since the Amish don’t have computers, it is based on the honor system. So please delete all the files from your computer. Thank you for you cooperation.

Passwords are like underwear. You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them. You should change them regularly. And you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

Failure is not an option — it comes bundled with Windows.

Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.

Girls are like internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken.