Signs You Want a Relationship With Your Hookup Buddy

These 6 Questions Can Help Decide If You Should Date Your Hookup Buddy

So you’ve found yourself in an interesting predicament. You’ve been hooking up with someone for a while now, whether that be a few weeks or months, and it just feels like it’s been a long time. Whatever the time frame may be, you’ve hit the point where you need to make a decision. Do you want to be in a real, bonafide relationship with this person, or do you call it quits?

Well, if you’re having trouble deciding, we’re here to help in your decision. Do some soul searching by asking yourself these six not-so-simple questions and, hopefully, you’ll have your answer (even if it’s not the one you want).

1. Do You Miss Them When You’re Apart?

If you feel a void after your hookup has thrown their clothes back on and left, that might be a sign that you like them more than you initially thought. If that’s so, try distancing yourself for a bit.

“The most effective technique is to travel and be far away from the person, and then notice whether or not you actually miss them and think beyond sex,” explains behavior and relationship expert Patrick Wanis, Ph.D. “When you are far away, you'll be surprised by the people you actually miss, and it’s usually not the people that you would consciously expect.”

2. Would You Still Want to Hang Out If Sex Was Off the Table?

Relationship expert April Masini believes being able to see yourself enjoying different experiences with your hookup buddy is a huge sign that this could be something more. “If the person you’re hooking up with is someone you wish you could share experiences with — like holidays with family, parties with friends, or simply a quiet weekend walk in the park — then this is someone you want more from than just the hookups you’ve been having,” she says.

Wanis also thinks it’s worth calling attention to your relationship when it’s not sexual. If you enjoy hanging out with your clothes on, that may be a sign of something real.

“If yes, then you have a deeper connection than simply sex, and you have the potential to be emotionally intimate,” he says. “If not, then all you have in common is the sex."

3. Do You See a Future With Them?

If the thought of your hookup ending things abruptly doesn’t make you lose sleep, or vice versa, you’re in the clear. On the other hand, if the idea of them not being there down the road tugs at the heartstrings, well, chances are you’re hoping things escalate to more than just casual.

“If [you said] no, then just enjoy the sexual connection until such time as either of you get bored,” Wanis suggests. “If yes, and you can imagine them in your life beyond sex in five or 10 years’ time, then start working on making that a reality and let them know now! They might even be thinking the same thing!”

4. Would You Get Jealous If You Knew About Their Other Hookups?

According to Wanis, there are multiple points to this question. Ultimately, answering it will help you realize that even if you’re having great sex, there are other factors that are necessary to keeping a relationship afloat, hookup or otherwise.

“If you feel loss, then they offer you something beyond lust and passion, and you should seek that out,” he says. “If you feel jealous if they were to commit to someone else, then perhaps you believe you have rights to them when you actually don’t. And if you feel nothing at all if they were to commit to someone else, then there is nothing to pursue beyond sex with them. Don’t be fooled into thinking great sex will carry a relationship; the passion tends to wane between 18 and 30 months, so you will need more than lust to build a fulfilling relationship.”

5. Would You Trust Their Advice on Something Important?

If you don’t share any personal details with your hookup, opting to keep your life to yourself aside from what you like in bed, chances are you two aren’t soulmates. According to Masini, if you go to them with all of your deepest thoughts and questions, you really want to know what they have to say.

“If this person you’re hooking up with is someone whose opinion you value, and someone you want to [go to] when you’ve got tough decisions to make, chances are you respect their thoughts and you want more than just a hookup with them,” she explains.

6. Will Being Together Improve Each Other’s Lives as Partners?

Does your hookup make you happier every day? In the long term, do you think they’ll have a major impact on your life if they’re in it? Well, if that’s the case, you know what that means.

“If you think about sharing ideas, passions, dreams and ambitions with them, then they are bringing out the best in you, opening you up, and you should pursue a relationship with them,” says Wanis. “If you think about being protective towards them or giving to them such as finances, gifts, compliments, undivided attention, affection, or helping them with things in their life, then you have a potential partner for life because they are unknowingly inspiring you to express love!”

If your answers to some, or most of these questions were a resounding no, then signs point at you not wanting a relationship with this person. But, if you found yourself answering “yes” on more than one occasion, there’s a pretty solid chance your feelings are a little more than casual. Do something about it!

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