Community

In 2013 when I was planning my trip to come to the US I had a vague idea of how my life would be once I arrived here. Now, after 5 years, I think I can say for sure that it is very, very different than anything I could’ve imagined in Brazil.

On this post and on my Youtube Video, I’ll share with you some of the sour and sweet things about living in the United States.

And the first Sour one is the ….

Loneliness – Choosing to live abroad comes with the fact that you are living away from everything that was once familiar to you, including your supporting system. Sometimes, we just want to be close to the people that we love, and have a shoulder to cry on when sh*t happens. However, this is not usually included in the “immigrant’s package”.

Belonging – I also feel that I don’t belong here, of course, that after five years, a lot of meetings, courses, conversations and errands, I feel very adapted and I call this place my home. However, I don’t recognize myself in the culture, even though I learned how to live in it. Another funny thing that happened after these years living away from my homeland is that when I go back, I have a feeling that I don’t belong there anymore. I don’t know anything about the “novelas”, the new songs, and the daily life subjects that everyone is talking about. The culture is changing all the time, and my Brazilian “software” was updated last time in 2013, so I’m still Brazilian, it’s just that I am an older version of it (lol).

Coming to the Sweet things…. Yummm

Learning/Growth – I’ve grown so much as a person after I became an immigrant. I learned new languages, I traveled, discovered different ways of living and became a more flexible and easy going person. I met the love of my life while I was living here in the US, and besides that, so many possibilities opened up in my life that would probably never open if I was living in Brazil, and I’m very grateful for that.

Acceptance – I also learned how to accept differences between cultures, people and how not to see differences as a negative thing. In the same way, I learned how to be comfortable in my own skin and be proud of my origins and who I am in this culture. I’m an immigrant, a proud one, who learned how to navigate the challenges of living in a different land with humor and ease.

After reflecting about the positive and negative sides of my experience as an immigrant I realized that everything has it positive and negative sides and that we have the power of choice to determine which side we are going to feed and nurture inside ourselves. I’m not saying that we have to be naive and close our eyes to the negative aspects of our lives. In order to grow as a person we have to acknowledge and face our challenges, but it is ultimately our choice to feed the negative thoughts and actions, instead of moving forward with our dreams, aspirations, positive habits….

So please, do a self-reflection, acknowledge all aspects of your life, and make a conscious choice to take daily small actions towards the life you want to have.

“When you are afraid of something, it might be a fear of darkness, a fear of knives, a fear of guns, or of anything. You can’t just have fear without fear of something. So what is that other? Who is the other? That’s yourself.

There is a story about a man who is locked in a room. He’s sitting in that room, a big room with lots of space and lots of possibilities of noise bouncing back. Things are getting cold and dark and darker. He hears something. So he says ‘Who dat?” When there is no response, he says, “Who dat who said, ‘Who dat?’?” And then he says, “Who dat who said, ‘Who dat?’ when I said ‘Who dat?’?” The antidote to that echo chamber is to make friends with yourself.

– Chögyam Trungpa

I just moved again, I am right here in Hawaii, and I saw myself falling into the trap of lamentation, nostalgia. – Oh, I don’t know anyone yet, – I miss this, -I miss that…. Instead of being grateful for living in this magical land.

I stopped a second to think about why I was being so negative, and complaining about everything.

I was afraid. I am afraid.

Afraid that we regret our decision to move, afraid that I won’t have friends, or build a community, afraid to not fit in. This fear is inevitable, but when I looked at it, I laughed, because I just arrived, and in order to be part of this community… I need to live, experience, try.

That’s the only way. I have to put myself out there and feel connected with my own truth.

Before we connect with others, we have to be connected with ourselves.

Do you feel the power of this statement?

In order to make friends with ourselves, we have to face our fears, this way we will realize that they are not real, so then we can take them by the hand and live our lives.

The only way that we can prove our fears are not real, is to do what we fear and see what happens. Last week, for example, I went to a meetup, I was so scared to go because I was feeling embarrassed to enter into a community that already exists, I was afraid they wouldn’t like me.

Turned out that they were really nice and didn’t reject me at all. But in order to discover that I had to go there, and see it myself. Once we do that, we are stretching our limits, we are growing and actively knowing ourselves on the process.

You, beautiful woman, are having this opportunity to live in a different place, use this moment not just to explore another culture, but also and most importantly, yourself.

Rediscover yourself, find out who you can be, who you want to be.

You are not alone, I am not alone, we are together, and the same powerful force that runs inside me runs inside you.

Write YES on the comments, if you are ready to start being friends with yourself.

Developing a relationship of love and kindness with yourself is the first step to create a strong loving and kind community surrounding you.

It doesn’t matter if you are living abroad, or are back in your home country, the rule is the same!

We just get stuck in building a community as an immigrant because we have to make an effort to build/be part of one. In our home countries, you feel it came naturally, right? But it didn’t! You spent your whole life nurturing those relationships, even if they were positive or not, and I bet you didn’t even stop to think if those were the relationships you wanted to nurture.

Now, look at this new beginning as an opportunity to see yourself and define who you want to be.

Invest time and effort in yourself, discovering what you love and who you truly are.

Because if you don’t, guess what happens?

You will try to make friends with people who do not resonate with you, who do not share the same values. It will be a frustrating experience and you will feel lonely and incapable of connecting.

Diversity is beautiful and it’s totally great to make friends with all kinds of people, but it’s important to share our energy and invest in people who lift us up, and with whom we know we can count on.

If you are being used, mistreated, ignored, this is something else, not a friendship.

Now it’s time to have that true conversation with yourself to understand what are your desires and who you want to be.

If it’s too hard to look into yourself right now, please seek help! A friend, a mother, a coach…

You don’t need to do it alone if it’s overwhelming you.

But you need to do it!

Here is a simple exercise, so you can start to understand what are the important things to you. After you get that, you will have more clarity on what kind of relationships/friendships you are looking for.

Activity: Gratitude Journal

During this week, before going to bed write 5 things that happened in your day that you are grateful for.

This will give you an idea, about the things you value in life.

Then, start putting energy on it, look for people who share the same energy with you.

When you less expect, you will be surrounded by things and people that are aligned with who you are.

Write down in the comments when you are starting your Gratitude Journal.