Help, I can't stop eating ...

By DR. JOYCE BROTHERS, SYNDICATED COLUMNIST

Published 10:00 pm, Monday, February 20, 2006

DEAR DR. BROTHERS: I have seen all the ads for diet aids and so forth that focus on how people eat the wrong foods, don't exercise or just don't care. I never see or hear anyone talk about someone like me, who just can't seem to stop eating. It doesn't matter what it is, how much I have already had to eat or what the nutritional value of any food item is -- I am unable to control myself. Is this a psychological problem, and is it really all that unusual? I wish I knew if there are other people in the same boat, because right now I feel very isolated and ashamed of myself. -- L.D.

DEAR L.D.: It is always frightening and, at least to most people, somewhat embarrassing to feel we have no control over a behavior. We like to think that we are rational, sensible people who know when to stop, when to say no, when to call it a day. Even if we are the only ones witnessing our weak willpower and inability to cease an unwanted behavior, we feel guilty. Unlike some of the more-concealable bad habits, such as drinking too much or compulsive gambling, with overeating there is often an outward signal to the world that we have a lack of control in our lives. Obesity is viewed by society as a manifestation of a no-limits type of eating lifestyle, so when it is true, we feel doubly ashamed and exposed to the world.

Perhaps you could be helped by joining a group devoted to your problem. Support groups, like those for overeaters, are growing in popularity, and would introduce you to other sufferers of this problem who have had many of the same emotions you've had. Feeling all alone is one of the worst parts of trying to solve a problem on your own, and having a group of sympathetic listeners might be just what you need for inspiration. Such groups often have structured programs that are helpful in taking the steps you need to take in order to understand and normalize your dependency on food. Good luck.

DEAR DR. BROTHERS: I am addicted to cigarettes, and before I hit the 20-year mark, I'd like to quit. That means I have about three years left to figure out how to do it. The problem is that in addition to being addicted physically, I invest a lot of emotion in smoking. I simply love everything about it -- buying the cigarettes, lighting up, flicking the ash, even standing around outside smoking with friends. Nothing anyone says to insult me or embarrass me means a thing. So, in thinking about quitting, what approach should I take to make smoking less of a fatal attraction? -- P.A.

DEAR P.A.: As you probably know, there are many ways to approach quitting. There's good old cold turkey -- the simplest and quickest, but with a pretty low rate of success because of its difficulty. There are all the pills, patches and support groups. But, as you correctly suggest, the motivation has to be there for any of these methods to work. Perhaps you could consider hypnotism. Though that process is not likely to change any deep-seated belief you are clinging to that says smoking is a good thing, it might help you to think that cigarettes taste bad, and that is at least a start.

But at this time, your motivation isn't there. Perhaps it will take someone close to you dying of lung cancer, a friend breaking off with you because of cigarettes, a plea from a child you don't yet have, or some other very affecting event that suddenly wakes you up. Or, you might eventually get tired of being addicted. Your current state of mind might persist past the 20-year mark. In the meantime, why not concentrate on cutting down gradually? With three years to go, you could make the process nearly painless. You can start by switching to a bad-tasting brand, and maybe more negatives will follow. But as long as you think everything about smoking is the cat's meow, you'll be stuck at the starting line.