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Monthly Archives: August 2013

Before you’re asking what’s wrong with me…to be honest….I’m thinking the same…;-)First I’ve been neglecting my blog and by doing that neglecting myself, cause I like writing!A first attempt to write again was last month and now two blogs in one weekend…Maybe I’m having a weekend full of inspiration…I don’t know, but I can’t seem to stop writing 🙂So here I am, writing what’s on my mind.

Today I listened to a song….listening to that song made me realise how important it became to me in the past months… Sometimes there’s just so much more to a song.
Music has been part of my life for as long as I remember. It’s something that I always enjoyed and it’s something that just always has been there. Over the years my love for music grew and I would be lost without it. So many times songs were part of certain situations, happy or tough, in my life.

Back to the song I listened to today….a song that became part of my life in the past months…
A song I can so relate to and listened to so much since it’s been posted on soundcloud.
I remember listening to it for the first time and instantly being hit by it, after playing it once I just had to listen to it over and over again.
Every time I hear it it makes me think about a certain situation in my life.
A situation I wrote a poem about today:

I feel trapped…trapped inside
Can’t make up my mind
Choose between evils
All I want to do is hide

It’s like I’m in a labyrinth
A labyrinth with two ways out
Ways leading to places I don’t want to be
I’m scared and overwhelmed by doubt

I know the first of the two ways
A painful way
A way I can’t control
It changes, gets worse day by day

The second way is uncertain
The outcome unknown
A way of limitations and pain
A way I don’t want to go

I want to ignore it all
I want to hide
Just pretend…
pretend it’s not there….

But I can’t ignore it
I can’t hide
I have to face it
Need to make up my mind

How will I be able to choose?
I don’t know…
I have to choose between evils
And I’m trapped, trapped in a labyrinth

After not writing a blog in months I posted my first blog again exactly one month ago. Only a month, but a lot has happened. We went to the Belgian Ardennes for a holiday and really had an amazing time. Time to relax, time to do the things we wanted to do, being in a stunningly beautiful area. But most of all time to switch off….leave things behind.

One of the first nights there I was sitting outside, watched the sunset and slowly it got dark. I looked up and was amazed….amazed by the sky… A sky full of stars.
Where we live we don’t see so much stars because of the light pollution and I didn’t see a sky so beautiful in a very long time.Thankfully the weather was great in those two weeks and I got to see that beautiful sky often. I loved that. Just sitting outside, looking at the sky and listening to music or listening to the flowing water of the stream next to us. Seeing stars, the music, the sounds of nature…it all calmed me down. Besides that it gave me positive feelings and positive thoughts. It all made me realise how lucky I am, what a great life I have so far, being surrounded by truly amazing people. My family, but also friends. It got me thinking about how much has changed in my life in the past years. A whole lot has changed and during the changes a lot of people walked in and out of my life. Friends came and left, but there’s been a handful of special people that stayed with me over the years and a few very special people I got to know recently…. A handful of true friends….

Today I was looking at the pictures of that amazing holiday. It made me think about the hours I spent looking at the stars…thoughts that got me to write this poem:

Life passes by uncertain as it is
Ups, downs, darkness and light
Hope and fear, happiness… sadness
Love and anger, doubts …. fights….

Surrounded by people,
so many people I know
Until darkness sets in…
People…walking away…leave….go….

Feeling lonely, trapped in a dark place
No one there … confused, scared
Just me, my thoughts and feelings
in an empty space

But suddenly it’s there
A helping hand
Invisible in the light
but glowing in the dark

A helping hand from someone
Someone who can sense the sadness in my smile
can hear my words in my silence
can feel my love in my anger….