The Holy Broken Chair of Fluffiness

This article is complete, irredeemable blarmey. The submitter is Bat Fuck Insane, attends at the spine, and is an unfunny douchehorse.
If you attempt to process this, you will most likely go Bat Fuck Insane yourself.
Or the submitter will scroo your mum!!!!!!

The Holy Broken Chair of Fluffiness is a great, fearsome, divine, and, strangely enough, sentient artifact that one day suddenly appeared in the middle of an audio signal, after it had been processed by a faulty signal processing filter, together with quite a bit of semi-intelligent random noise, hyper-intellectual metallic ringing, and samples of people snorting in a terribly terribly evil way.

The most notable characteristic of The Holy Broken Chair of Fluffiness is the extremely high amount of fluffiness it posesses. In fact, it is so fluffy that many an over-zealous worshipper reportedly has been fluffalized to oblivion as a direct result of attempting to touch it using a broken lamp post covered with yellow glue.

The Holy Broken Chair of Fluffiness is also rumored to be notorious among its worshippers for randomly shouting what is believed to be extremely obfuscated C++ declarations, although this has yet to be confirmed.

Other than this, no other information about the characteristics of The Holy Broken Chair of Fluffiness is available, as people generally don't live especially long after being exposed to it long enough to catch a glimpse of it, and the apparently undead worshipers refuse to share any details with anyone outside of their organization except for the omnipotent Flying Spaghetti Monster.

The Holy Broken Chair of Fluffiness itself so far has refused to comment on it's existence and the meaning, if any, of it, and has in public said nothing more than "MuEhEhEhEEEEhh!" on one occasion, after it brutally fluffled a worshipper trying to repair it to the point of the worshipper being reduced to exceptionally fluffy dust. This, the many devoted worshippers has interpreted as an indication of lust for world domination, and they are therefore now planning to overtake the world in an orgy of fluffiness exceeding even the wildest dreams of even the most fluffy people in existence and fluffy dust.

It is also said that The Holy Broken Chair of Fluffiness is responsible for resurrecting the world 4884 years after it supposedly committed suicide as a result of highly unliking the fact that a person having a radioactive nose happened to sneeze, which for some reason caused a series of meltdowns in the nostrils of other people, causing them to sneeze as well, until every person in the world had a glowing, radioactive nose. This is a widely disputed event that many people presenting nothing more than pseudo-scientific evidence at best have claimed never to have happened, despite solid evidence on the contrary.