Principles for Relationships from God's Word by Claudio Consuegra

Love for a lifetime – 1

Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose— don’t ever quit taking delight in her body. (Proverbs 5:17-20 MSG)

Karl Pillemer[i], a gerontologist and professor of human development at Cornell University, interviewed more than 700 Americans, ages 63 to 108, about their views on love. Married for an average of 43 years, they talked about everything from how to find the right person to what keeps the spark alive.

As Pillemer explains, “Almost all of the people I interviewed were still very deeply in love, felt that love had grown and changed over the time they’ve been together and, surprisingly, felt that intimacy often was as good or even better.” At the same time, they wanted young people to know that staying married for a lifetime is tough. We will consider ten of their lessons on love:

Opposites may attract in the movies, but they don’t make great marriage partners. The elders told Pillemer that you should choose a mate with whom you enjoy a lot in common. Among the important things in which you should be closely alike are their spiritual beliefs, their core values, their interests, and having a similar outlook on life. A study published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that when people choose a partner, they prefer someone of a similar level of attractiveness, wealth and status, and commitment to family and monogamy.

Pay attention to what your friends and family say. If nobody likes your possible future spouse there may be good reasons for it. So if your loved ones have lots of reservations, don’t get defensive but listen to why they feel that way. There is wisdom in the feelings and concerns of those closest to you. Don’t ignore the red flags they are pointing out. And remember that when you marry someone you are also marrying into their family; if they are not particularly pleased with your choice now their feelings or attitude may not change for the better later.

Father God, help me to find someone with whom I have the most important things in my life in common, particularly my love for and faith in you.