Maybe you aren't able to drive, you don't own a car, or the car you own isn't working. While there are plenty of alternate ways of getting around, such as walking, biking, taking a bus or train, these methods aren't always available or convenient. Asking someone for a ride can feel overwhelming, but with a little thoughtfulness, the process can actually be relatively painless for both you and the other person.

Steps

Part 1

Preparing to Ask for a Ride

1

Make sure you’ve first considered other options. As mentioned in the introduction, there are plenty of alternate ways of getting somewhere. Think about whether it might be possible to walk, bike, or take a bus, train, cab, or rideshare. If none of these options are available to you, or they would require unreasonable hardship, then you might consider asking someone for a lift. [1]

A good rule of thumb when asking someone a favor is to make sure that the benefit to you significantly outweighs the inconvenience it might cause the other person.

2

Don’t assume that just because someone has a car, they can give you a ride. While whether or not someone owns or has easy access to a car is the first thing you should consider when deciding to ask for a ride, don’t make assumptions about their availability or willingness. Even if they’ve given you a ride once, twice, or a hundred times before, don’t take it for granted that they’ll be able to help you every time you need to get somewhere.

3

Decide whom you’ll ask. If you have a relationship with someone where you’re already in the practice of regularly doing favors for each other, such as those that are common between family members, romantic partners, or close friends, this is ideal. Otherwise, consider who might be least inconvenienced by your request.

If you need a ride home from work, consider asking the coworker that you know drives by your street every day, anyway. Or if you are going to dinner with a group of friends, maybe ask the friend that lives closest to you for a lift to the restaurant.

Make sure you consider lifestyle factors, too. If you have a friend with two small children, or who’s been working a lot of overtime lately, they will likely need to be more conservative with their extra time and energy than your friend who teaches guitar lessons three afternoons a week and still lives with his parents. If your cousin wakes up early every morning for her job, you probably don’t want to ask her for a ride to the airport to catch your red eye flight. Or a friend who works as a bartender probably won’t be very excited about bringing you to pick up your car from the body shop at seven a.m. on a Saturday.

It’s extremely important that you know the other person well enough to be sure you feel safe spending time alone with them. It’s never a good idea to get into a car with a near-stranger, or someone with whom you don’t feel comfortable.

Part 2

Asking Someone for a Ride

1

Don’t beat around the bush. When you’ve decided whom you’ll ask, you’ll want to be forthcoming about your intentions at the beginning of the conversation. If you try to make small talk about other things first the entire conversation can come off as disingenuous when you finally come around to the point. [2]

It’s also a good idea to begin the conversation with something along the lines of “Hi so-and-so, I have a favor to ask you…”. Not only is this appropriately straightforward, but using the word “favor” also shows that you understand the person would be going our of their way for you, whereas “Could you please give me a ride to work tomorrow?” could run the risk of sounding like a command, and therefore off-putting. [3]

2

Don’t put them on the spot. If you know you are going to need a ride somewhere, don’t wait until the last minute to ask. Give the other person as much advance notice as possible, so that they can factor it into their schedule that day.

This also goes for asking for a ride in front of other people. Many people have a difficult time saying no if there is an audience, and they might suspect that you are capitalizing on this.

3

Offer to help pay for gas. While this is recommended any time you take a ride from someone, it is an absolute must in the instance that someone is picking you up and bringing you somewhere they don’t also need to be, such as the airport, a doctor’s appointment, or a job interview.

Often people will refuse to take your money, but don’t count on this! Make sure you have cash on had to give them, just in case.

4

Take no for an answer. If someone says they’re unable to give you a ride, don’t press the issue. Resist asking for an explanation, and don’t argue or challenge them. Instead, be gracious and thank them for their time.

Part 3

Being a Good Carpool Companion

1

Make it as easy as possible for the person who is giving you the ride. Putting in a little extra time and effort on your end shows the person that you are taking their time and effort into consideration, and that you value the favor they are doing for you. Here are a few examples of ways you might make the experience easier for them:

If your destination is a place regularly frequented by most people, such as the grocery store, offer to accompany them whenever they are next planning to go, rather than requesting they make a special trip.

If you live at the corner of a difficult intersection, offer to walk a block or two in order to meet them where it’s easier to pull over.

If they are giving you a ride somewhere that they may have never been before, make sure you have clear directions, or have the address already plugged into the map function on your smart phone.

Be ready to go at least five minutes before you expect them to show up, so that they won’t have to wait for you in the instance that they are running a few minutes ahead of schedule.

2

Be pleasant in the car. Try to make the other person’s experience of being in the car with you as enjoyable as possible. This is not only respectful, but it will also increase the likelihood of this person agreeing to help you in the future. Often being pleasant is just a matter of not doing certain annoying things:

Don’t criticize the person’s car, for instance, no matter how beat up or messy it is.

Don't criticize their driving, and avoid being a "backseat driver".

Don’t fiddle with any of the car’s dials. Even if they are listening to most boring talk radio station ever, or the air conditioning is freezing your face off. If you absolutely must, ask the driver politely if they'd be willing to change the radio station or turn the air down.

Don’t be a chatterbox. If the other person wants to talk, that’s great! But if they don’t seem like they are interested in chatting, let yourself be comfortable with the silence. Some people need quiet in order to concentrate while they drive, or they might be particularly interested in what they’re listening to on the radio.

3

Plan to reciprocate. While you might not be able to pay the person back in kind, you should still find a way to show your appreciation. What this entails exactly will depend on your preexisting relationship with the person, and the degree of inconvenience to them.

If you get a ride home from a coworker who lives in the same building as you, a simple text saying “Thanks again for the ride! I really appreciate it!” might suffice. But if a friend wakes up at three thirty in the morning to drive you an hour to the airport, you probably want to consider something a little more meaningful. Perhaps you can pick them up a small gift on your trip, or treat them to dinner when you get back.

However, if you are dealing with prohibitive financial issues and can’t afford a gift or dinner, a thoughtful, hand-written thank you card will work, too.

Make sure to do this after they have agreed to help you, as otherwise it can seem like you’re trying to obligate them. For instance, don’t bake your friend cookies and as she’s biting into the first one, ask her for a ride to the dentist next Friday. [4]