Andrew MalcolmPolitical News & Commentary

Vice President demonstrates safe use of a loaded finger gun. (YouTube)

Our more than 181,000 combined followers on Twitter (click here for that) and on Facebook (then click here to subscribe to that)know that on weekday afternoons we regularly share a selection of that
evening's late-night jokes before broadcast. We publish a collection of
these and other jokes when the shows are not on hiatus.

Fallon:
The RNC released its 2016 presidential primary debate schedule for
Republicans with nine debates across the country. As opposed to the
Democratic debates, which will just be Hillary staring at her opponents
until they burst into flames.

Meyers: A Delta flight from
Cleveland to New York Monday had just two passengers. And somehow, they
both ended up in middle seats.

Fallon: New research suggests that
men who regularly post selfies are more likely to have psychopathic
tendencies. While women who regularly post selfies are more likely to be
a Kardashian.

Meyers: Here’s a new drinking game for Obama's State of the Union address. Instead of watching the speech, drink.

Conan:
Nike announced this year it will release self-lacing tennis shoes. By
the way, if you're too lazy to lace up your tennis shoes, you're really
gonna hate tennis.

Meyers: Someone fired shots at Vice President
Joe Biden’s Delaware house. The vehicle sped off before Biden could load
his finger guns and shoot back.

Fallon: Many are criticizing
Obama for not joining dozens of other leaders at that Paris anti-terror
march. Which explains why French people are now referring to American
Cheese as "Freedom Cheese."

Meyers:
“American Sniper” made $90 million last weekend. But director Michael
Moore says snipers aren’t heroes. I don’t know, Michael Moore. But if
you’re that easy to spot, do you really want to make an enemy out of
snipers?

Conan: A new Tiffany’s ad features a gay couple. The
Tiffany’s spokesman says everyone gay or straight should have the right
to grossly overpay for jewelry.

Fallon: Americans can now legally
travel to Cuba as long as the visit falls under 12 categories like
family trips, research or humanitarian projects. And Cubans can travel
to the U.S. as long as it falls under any of the nine positions on a
baseball diamond.

Meyers: A new study says women with large butts
produce smarter children. Which means the popular new pickup line is:
“Your son must be a genius.”

Meyers: Facebook's oldest registered user turned 107 years old today. And so did AOL’s youngest.

In just the past month, when no one with a real life was thinking about the 2016
presidential race, Hillary Clinton's massive poll lead over every single
potential Republican opponent has collapsed.

In a hypothetical
match-up, her margin over Jeb Bush, the closest GOP president, was cut
in half to eight points this month, 45%-37%, according to Zogby.That's down from a whopping 15-point lead in December. Similarly, the
former first lady's 15-point margin over Mitt Romney slid to nine
points, 46%-37%.

Still sizable margins, to be sure. But trending
uncomfortably in the wrong direction even before an announcement, as Clinton goes to ground to plot
her campaign, assemble staff and devise a credible rationale other than
gender for why Americans should let her move back into the White House,
this time in the West Wing.

Most Democrats won't take much
convincing. She's her party's overwhelming heir apparent, which actually
hasn't worked out too well in recent U.S. political history for Al
Gore, John McCain, Romney or Hillary herself in 2008.

But she'll need to
convince significant numbers of independents and even Republicans on a
shifting political landscape that's been trending toward conservative
states, both in the census and recent elections.

Even with veterans of the president's winning campaigns jumping over for
Obama 3.0, that could be a hefty challenge given Clinton's
quarter-century of public controversies; HillaryCare's website didn't
fail, but that's because she didn't have one. Her brief Senate career
was highlighted by nothing really.

And
her four years as the well-traveled face of Obama's disastrous foreign
policies that allowed Syria to decay into bloody chaos, Iraq to go it
alone militarily, permitting ISIS to fester and spread, and post-Gaddafi
Libya to become one large al-Qaida training camp.

Then there's
the deadly Benghazi debacle with its inexplicable security lapses, still
under investigation by a House Select committee.

With a swaggering Obama indicating he won't go silently into retirement,
Clinton faces the tricky maneuver of separating from him enough to shed
sufficient association with the failures and deceits in voters' minds
without totally alienating Democrats' extreme left wing, inviting
Elizabeth Warren into a divisive competition.

Did you hear Clinton's
comments on Obama's hollow State of the Union? Crickets.

Then, there's
Clinton's health and age. She'd be 69 by election day next year compared
to a field of major Republican candidates with fresh faces who average
50 including Romney and only 47 without him.

Hi, everybody.
This week, in my State of the Union Address, I talked about what we can
do to make sure middle-class economics helps more Americans get ahead in
the new economy.

See, after some tough years, and thanks to some
tough decisions we made, our economy is creating jobs at the fastest
pace since 1999. Our deficits are shrinking. Our energy production is
booming. Our troops are coming home. Thanks to the hard work and
resilience of Americans like you, we’ve risen from recession freer to
write our own future than any other nation on Earth.

Now we have
to choose what we want that future to look like. Will we accept an
economy where only a few of us do spectacularly well? Or will we commit
ourselves to an economy that generates rising incomes and rising chances
for everyone who makes the effort?

I believe the choice is clear.
Today, thanks to a growing economy, the recovery is touching more and
more lives. Wages are finally starting to rise again. Let’s keep that
going — let’s do more to restore the link between hard work and growing
opportunity for every American.

That’s what middle-class economics
is — the idea that this country does best when everyone gets their fair
shot, everyone does their fair share, and everyone plays by the same
set of rules.

Middle-class economics means helping workers feel
more secure in a world of constant change — making it easier to afford
childcare, college, paid leave, health care, a home, and retirement.

Middle-class
economics means doing more to help Americans upgrade their skills
through opportunities like apprenticeships and two years of free
community college, so we can keep earning higher wages down the road.

Middle-class
economics means building the most competitive economy in the world, by
building the best infrastructure, opening new markets so we can sell our
products around the world, and investing in research — so that
businesses keep creating good jobs right here.

And we can afford
to do these things by closing loopholes in our tax code that stack the
decks for special interests and the super-rich, and against responsible
companies and the middle class.

This is where we have to go if
we’re going to succeed in the new economy. I know that there are
Republicans in Congress who disagree with my approach, and I look
forward to hearing their ideas for how we can pay for what the middle
class needs to grow. But what we can’t do is simply pretend that things
like child care or college aren’t important, or pretend there’s nothing
we can do to help middle class families get ahead.

Because we’ve
got work to do. As a country, we have made it through some hard times.
But we’ve laid a new foundation. We’ve got a new future to write. And
I’m eager to get to work. Thanks, and have a great weekend. ####

Hello.
I’m Senator Lisa Murkowski of Alaska. This past week, President Obama,
in his State of the Union address, laid out his plans for America. And
as part of his speech, he called on Congress to pass an infrastructure
bill that will create jobs and make our nation stronger for decades to
come.

I welcomed that message, and the fact is, we’ve already
started. For over two weeks now, the Senate has been working hard on a
bipartisan bill to approve the Keystone XL pipeline. This important
infrastructure project will support thousands of jobs. It would carry
both American and Canadian oil, in the cleanest and safest way, and help
keep energy affordable for American families. (Scroll down for video of these remarks.)

After
more than 2,300 days of presidential indecision, it’s important for us
to act. The world is watching to see whether the United States is
willing to lead as a global energy superpower that respects its
neighbors, trades with its allies, and builds needed infrastructure. I
believe we are ready for that role — and our leadership can start with
the approval of Keystone XL.

The new Republican congress you
elected has only been in office a few weeks now, but already we’ve made
important strides towards making congress function again and getting
Washington back to work.

We’re fulfilling the promises made in the recent elections, and............Continue Reading »

Emergency
first responders across the United States may soon be relying on
Russian satellites to plot the location of the mobile American distress
call.

This is not an Onion story.

The Federal
Communications Commission is scheduled to deliberate next week on a plan
to use Russian satellites over other competing satellite systems for
tracking the exact location of U.S. emergency 911 calls from mobile
phones, the source of most emergency calls.

The plan is backed by
major U.S. telecommunications giants like Verizon, Sprint, AT&T
Mobility and T-Mobile USA, along with the Association of Public Safety
Communications.

In an alarming story, the Washington Times reportsthe communications companies believe having the calls routed through
Russian satellites would enhance the accuracy of their call locators and
save emergency crews precious response time, especially when the caller
is inside a building that can muffle tech locators.

Of course,
such a system would also give Russians access to the American emergency
response network, including the precise locations of every U.S. first
responder.

You'll remember Barack Obama mocked Mitt Romney back in
2012 for warning that Russia was America's most serious strategic
threat. "The Cold War's been over for 20 years," Obama chided the
Republican.

Since then, of course, Vladimir Putin has annexed
Crimea from Ukraine, backed insurgents creating chaos within eastern
Ukraine and re-organized Russia's military doctrine with NATO as its
primary enemy.

Not to mention hosting fugitive NSA leaker Edward
Snowden and frequent hackers of U.S. computer systems, aiding Iran's
nuclear program, flying enhanced long-range bomber patrols along U.S.
coasts, assigning nuclear subs to the Gulf of Mexico and establishing a
new electronic spy base in Cuba.

Other than that, Obama was
absolutely right, Romney was way off-base about a Russian threat. Obama has since seen the light, leading an international series of economic
sanctions on Russia, so far completely ineffective in changing Putin's policies.

Some
members of the new and enlarged Republican majorities in Congress are
concerned about relying even in part upon Russia for domestic emergency
communications, much as the administration must now rely totally on
Russian rockets to get American astronauts into space.

“In view of
the threat posed to the world by Russia’s Vladimir Putin," Rep. Mike
Rogers recently wrote Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel and James Clapper,
director of national Intelligence, "it cannot be seriously considered
that the U.S. would rely on a system in that dictator’s control for its
wireless 911 location capability.” The Alabama Republican chairs a House
subcommittee on strategic forces.

An FCC spokesman sought to
soothe fears by saying the agency is "committed to protecting both
public safety and national security." Another supporter called fears of
security concerns "scare tactics."
And a Sprint spokesman told the FCC last month that carriers would seek
to minimize use of the Russian system to reduce risks to U.S. national
security.

Some interesting international politics playing out this week within
hours of President Obama's panned State of the Union Address.

It
was the least-watched such address since Bill Clinton's farewell in
2000. But Obama used the occasion to threaten every member of Congress,
now controlled by Republicans, that if they send him a bill containing
tougher sanctions on Iran for its nuclear weapons development scheme, he
would veto it.

The Democrat asserts the U.S. legislative move,
which would take effect only if the endlessly ongoing talks collapse,
would cause the palaver to fail now.

It's a strange threat for
Obama to make because he could use the bipartisan congressional move as
leverage that Iran's purposely dithering negotiators had better deal
with him or face the wrath of these sanction hawks on Capitol Hill.

Plus
Obama's stance plays into the growing impression that he and Secy. of
State John Kerry are inept negotiators out to appease Islamic Iran with a
bad deal that would hurt Israel, America's vulnerable ally and the only
Middle East democracy.

The president flew off Wednesday for a
photo-op on his first visit to Idaho, hoping to dominate the news cycle
with a rehash of his State of the Union plans, few if any of which are
going anywhere.

But just then, only minutes before the public
announcement, House Speaker John Boehner's office notified the White
House that he'd invited Israel Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to
address a joint session of Congress about Iran on Feb. 11 as part of the
chambers' sanctions deliberations. And Netanyahu had accepted. (The date was later pushed back to March 3.)

Clearly, the arrogant Obama and the forceful Netanyahu, shall we say, lack chemistry. Both men have made moves that embarrass the other back home, while both maintain publicly their nations are the other's best friends.

The
Israeli accepting a U.S. visit invitation without notifying Obama is a
slap and a sign that Netanyahu intends to continue taking his case
against Iran directly to Americans. Much as -- Oh, look! -- Obama does with his pleas to American audiences to pressure Congress to support his plans.

In case any of the diminished TV audience was in doubt, President
Barack Obama reminded Americans last night that he won election two
times.

That would explain why he was giving his sixth State of the
Union message to a joint session of Congress. See, that's four from his
first term and two so far from his second.

That such an allegedly
cool customer felt it necessary to remind anyone is a revealing window
into this man's insecure psyche. Unlike most modern two-term presidents,
Obama was reelected with fewer votes the second time, nearly 7 million
fewer, in fact.

In each of his midterm elections Obama has managed
to lose control of one chamber on Capitol Hill. After warning all fall
that each of his policies was on the November ballot, voters responded
by sending a new Republican majority to the Senate and an enlarged one
to the House. Not to mention new GOP governors and state legislators.

Obama blamed low turnout.

His
media minions pronounced Obama's speech "feisty" and "defiant." Putting
the shiniest midnight headline on the president's appearance, the N.Y. Times proclaimed: "Bold Call to Action in Obama's State of the Union, Even if No Action Is Likely."

It contained the usual liberal yada-yada of more free stuff and more taxes on the rich,
who clearly have too much. Especially those who inherited money. And he
wants to tax your college savings plans to finance free college for
others who haven't been saving.

If retirement doesn't work out, Obama may have another
future in confidence games. He talked last night as if he was in a
stronger position now that he has fewer Democrat members of Congress, a
party splitting over his policies and only 729 days left of sinking
political relevance.

The
economy is rolling along nicely, even though 13 million Americans who
had jobs when Obama took office are no longer employed.

Obama
really sincerely wants to work with Congress. "I hope you’ll at least
work with me where you do agree," he said. "And I commit to every
Republican here tonight that I will not only seek out your ideas, I will
seek to work with you to make this country stronger."

Good
evening. I’m Joni Ernst. As a mother, a soldier, and a newly elected
senator from the great State of Iowa, I am proud to speak with you
tonight.

A few moments ago, we heard the President lay out his
vision for the year to come. Even if we may not always agree, it’s
important to hear different points of view in this great country. We
appreciate the President sharing his.

Tonight though, rather than
respond to a speech, I’d like to talk about your priorities. I’d like to
have a conversation about the new Republican Congress you just elected,
and how we plan to make Washington focus on your concerns again.

We
heard the message you sent in November — loud and clear. And now we’re
getting to work to change the direction Washington has been taking our
country.

The new Republican Congress also understands how
difficult these past six years have been. For many of us, the sting of
the economy and the frustration with Washington’s dysfunction weren’t
things we had to read about. We felt them every day.

We felt them in Red Oak — the little town in southwestern Iowa where I grew up, and am still proud to call home today.

As
a young girl, I plowed the fields of our family farm. I worked
construction with my dad. To save for college, I worked the morning
biscuit line at Hardees.

We were raised to live simply, not to waste. It was a lesson my mother taught me every rainy morning.

You
see, growing up, I had only one good pair of shoes. So on rainy school
days, my mom would slip plastic bread bags over them to keep them dry.

But
I was never embarrassed. Because the school bus would be filled with
rows and rows of young Iowans with bread bags slipped over their feet.

Our parents may not have had much, but they worked hard for what they did have.

These days though, many families feel like they’re working harder and harder, with less and less to show for it.

Not just in Red Oak, but across the country.

We
see our neighbors agonize over stagnant wages and lost jobs. We see the
hurt caused by canceled healthcare plans and higher monthly insurance
bills. We see too many moms and dads put their own dreams on hold while
growing more fearful about the kind of future they’ll be able to leave
to their children.

Americans have been hurting, but when we
demanded solutions, too often Washington responded with the same stale
mindset that led to failed policies like ObamaCare. It’s a mindset that
gave us political talking points, not serious solutions.

We
are fifteen years into this new century. Fifteen years that dawned
with terror touching our shores; that unfolded with a new generation
fighting two long and costly wars; that saw a vicious recession spread
across our nation and the world. It has been, and still is, a hard time
for many.

But tonight, we turn the page.

Tonight, after a
breakthrough year for America, our economy is growing and creating jobs
at the fastest pace since 1999. Our unemployment rate is now lower
than it was before the financial crisis. More of our kids are
graduating than ever before; more of our people are insured than ever
before; we are as free from the grip of foreign oil as we’ve been in
almost 30 years.

Tonight, for the first time since 9/11, our
combat mission in Afghanistan is over. Six years ago, nearly 180,000
American troops served in Iraq and Afghanistan. Today, fewer than
15,000 remain. And we salute the courage and sacrifice of every man and
woman in this 9/11 Generation who has served to keep us safe. We are
humbled and grateful for your service.

America, for all that we’ve
endured; for all the grit and hard work required to come back; for all
the tasks that lie ahead, know this:

The shadow of crisis has passed, and the State of the Union is strong.

At
this moment — with a growing economy, shrinking deficits, bustling
industry, and booming energy production — we have risen from recession
freer to write our own future than any other nation on Earth. It’s now
up to us to choose who we want to be over the next fifteen years, and
for decades to come.

Will we accept an economy where only a few
of us do spectacularly well? Or will we commit ourselves to an economy
that generates rising incomes and chances for everyone who makes the
effort?

Will we approach the world fearful and reactive, dragged
into costly conflicts that strain our military and set back our
standing? Or will we lead wisely, using all elements of our power to
defeat new threats and protect our planet?

Will we allow ourselves
to be sorted into factions and turned against one another — or will we
recapture the sense of common purpose that has always propelled America
forward?

In two weeks, I will send this Congress a budget filled
with ideas that are practical, not partisan. And in the months ahead,
I’ll crisscross the country making a case for those ideas.

So tonight, I want to focus less on a checklist of proposals, and focus more on the values at stake in the choices before us.

It begins with our economy.

Seven
years ago, Rebekah and Ben Erler of Minneapolis were newlyweds. She
waited tables. He worked construction. Their first child, Jack, was on
the way.

They were young and in love in America, and it doesn’t get much better than that.

“If only we had known,” Rebekah wrote to me last spring, “what was about to happen to the housing and construction market.”

For once, Barack Obama pays attention tonight to the Constitution,
which requires that a president "from time to time give to the Congress
Information of the State of the Union."

There's nothing in that
sacred document about turning it into a pie-in-the-sky, political wish
list, criticizing Supreme Court justices to their faces or going on for
over an hour on prime-time TV and pre-empting some of our most popular
shows. There's not even any mention of a president delivering the
required information in person or verbally -- very verbally.

Obama's
State of the Union Addresses have been among the longest in modern
history, averaging nearly 65 minutes. Not as long as the 71-minute
average of Bill Clinton, who also liked to hear himself talk. But way
surpassing the 37 minutes of Ronald Reagan, who was more interested in
communicating.**

For most of the presidents from No. 3
Thomas Jefferson to No. 28 Woodrow Wilson, courier was a satisfactory
means of meeting their Constitutional obligation. But when first, radio
and then TV arrived, a personal appearance before a joint session of
Congress became irresistible.

Fortunately, there's nothing in the
Constitution that requires anyone to pay attention to No. 44's State of
the Union tonight. Not a single clause, article or word.

So, here
are five top reasons why you should feel free to read a book or check
out "Cougar Town" or another Invicta watch sales marathon:

1) Since he returned from Hawaii, Obama has been going around the country saying what he's going to say tonight.

And
how he's really looking out for the middle-class. So, he'll propose tax
cuts for them, part of the $300+ billion in his new spending to be
financed with new taxes. But don't worry about them. This president is
only gonna tax those rich folks that most Americans aren't.

And
guess what? Obama leaves tomorrow on our 747 for another trip to tell
Americans that what he said he was going to say tonight he actually did
say tonight. Heads up, Kansas and Idaho.

2) Everything he's going to say tonight, Obama's said before. Many times. In fact, many, many times. Watch this video:

3) Nothing Obama says tonight matters.
Every word the Chicagoan utters is political, said for the immediate
theatrical effect or sound he wants at that moment.

Remember as
part of his sales pitch how every family was going to save $2,500 a year
with ObamaCare? And when the average family ended up instead paying
thousands more a year for healthcare, what did Obama say in his apology?

I am not a current subscriber and want to register for free membership on Investors.com.

About the Columnist

A veteran foreign and national correspondent, Andrew Malcolm joined Investor's Business Daily October 2011. He formerly served on the L.A. Times Editorial Board and was a Pulitzer finalist in 2004. He is the author of 10 nonfiction books and father of four.

Select market data is provided by Interactive Data Corp. Real Time Services. Price and Volume data is delayed 20 minutes unless otherwise noted, is believed accurate but is not warranted or guaranteed by Interactive Data Corp. Real Time Services and is subject to Interactive Data Corp. Real Time Services terms. All times are Eastern United States. *Reflects real-time index prices.