From the new Jackass 3.5 movie. When you wake up with mustard all over your wiener/dick/cock/penis...

John: Dude, was I really drunk last night?
Matt: Yeah you grabbed the mustard for some reason and gave yourself a portland frank all over your cock.
John: No i didn't....
Matt: Check your dick...
John: Ohhh shittttttttt.......