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When Trying To Be Nice, Or... Doesn't Pay Off

By Russell A. Irving

Do you ever feel, sometimes, that you just can't win?
That you do something nice and either it has the opposite effect of what you planned?
That people misinterpret what you meant to do? The message that you were hoping to convey?

If you answered 'Yes' to any of the above, then this article is not only for you but for those whom you deal with. So, pass it on! Especially to the folks who don't get what you were going for...

#1 You're in a checkout line. The woman in front of you is big-bosomed and either wearing no bra or a super scooped blouse. So, as not to be rude, but to keep an eye on when you should load your merchandise on the conveyor belt, you try looking past the woman. However, she believes that you are staring at her, so she makes a comment about men being 'pigs'.

#2 You're running late to catch a bus, train, or plane. So, you don't hold the door open for the woman behind you. She comments about the rudeness of men, while not holding the door open for the person behind her.

#3 You wait and hold the door for the woman behind you and she tells you that she is perfectly capable of opening a door for herself.

#4 At a club, you notice that all of the women at a table have gone onto the dance floor except for one of them. So, you go over and ask her to dance. Instead of gently letting you down, she asks what made you think that she was there to dance with some guy that she didn't know.

#5 You're eating out with friends. One of them cracks a joke, just as you turn your head and look around the retaurant. At that moment of laughing, you happen to be gazing in the direction of an obese person. They think that you are laughing at them, and they tell you off.

#6 You're out with colleagues who suggest grabbing a bite. You say, 'Okay'. But at the eatery, they all have multiple drinks of liquor and appetizers. You simply order an inexpensive meal and water, because you are cash-strapped at the moment. When the check comes, they suggest splitting the bill and tip, evenly. When you counter-suggest thatfolks pay their own way, you hear someone mutter about you being cheap or not behaving 'team-like'.

#7 There is man and woman arguing. He's swearing and appears physically menacing. You go over and tell the guy to chill. The woman quickly tells you to buzz-off and mind your own business.

#8 While shopping, you see a little girl or boy checking out what is in your cart. You joke, approriately with the child and attempt to make small talk. The parent accuses you of being inappropriate because you don't know them.

#9 At the end of a pleasant date, you move in to give a goodnight kiss. Instead, she turns and gives you her cheek. Then remarks that she has no intention of going to bed with you on the first date. You scratch your head because you had no intention of that. And, if you say so, she might get insulted. ("So, I wasn't sexy enough for you?") But, if you say, "That's fine", she will think that you had planned for sex and that you are, in fact, a 'typical, sex-crazed' guy.

#10 You have a nice date, but don't call her for another until days later, so as not to appear anxious. When you do call, she asks why you waited so long, with an edge to her voice.

#11 You're on a movie date, and watching what is known as a 'chick flick'. During a sad scene, your eyes water. Instead of being glad that you are obviously a sensitive guy, she sarcastically remarks about you being 'a girl'.

Should I go on? We both know that there are many more examples of this.
So, what can you do? Well, not much. But, after grinning and bearing it, why not pass this on through Facebook, email, LinkedIn or... ?And, hang in there!