Stop. Look. Hurl.

'It's National Vegetarian Week' we said. 'Eat a banana' we said. Do you listen? Do you bugger. And what do you do instead? You go and eat squirrels...

Well not all of you... but someone's been nibbling at Tufty and his pals at Sir Terence Conran's Butlers Wharf Chop House (STCBWCH for the hipsters). We thought that grey squirrels were considered vermin now along with the pigeons. Are we reduced to eating vermin now? Maybe the squirrel would be nice with a sautéed tube rat and a slice of Evening Standard reporter's flank to follow?

"I thought 'OK' and had one in as a sample, and I thought 'I actually quite like it... So I got a few more in and designed a dish that would go down well with them. We created that, and have sold about 90 in three weeks... at the end of the day, if you think about it, it's no different to a rabbit"

Great. Haven't you read Watership Down? Why not serve up Tarka the Otter and a couple of Blue Peter pets while you're at it. Craig it seems is the man for the job no matter how unusual the dish as he has a knack for knackers:

"every time you get something like this in you have to develop a recipe and the best way to use it. I'm a big believer in using the whole of the animal - I don't believe in throwing things away."

So that's squirrel testicles and eyelids all round. Pulp that vulva. Could it get any worse? Of course.

Next on the chopping board - fledgling rooks from the rookery. 'Mama?' they'll say to the cleaver...

"It's a very old traditional English dish, rook pie," he said. "And it's still very popular in gentleman's clubs in London. It's something we should have on by the end of the week"

Well if it's good enough for bigoted old sexist fucks then bring it on. Maybe get some of the Fuzzie-Wuzzies to serve it up.

To be fair Craig does serve up some veggie meals too, but at this point it's a little like saying Harold Shipman helped with the hoovering on the weekend.

Squirrel, pigeon, snake, armadillo... put it on the plate with some decent sauce and I'll have a taste. STCBWCH is right around the corner from me, but alas I don't think I have the cash to be able to afford even a humble rook pie...