Hi. My name is Sarah. I’m 30-something years old… And I’m a DUFF.

So, THIS movie is coming out. Whhhaaat?

Never heard that expression? Duff = Designated Ugly Fat Friend. It’s a recent addition to pop culture lexicon. Like fleek. Or Bae. It’s a cruel and alienating expression. Designed to perpetuate the idea that some of us are worth more than others. The first time I heard it the word zipped past me, unphased. The next time? It made me think. As a woman of size who has “beautiful” friends, I started to wonder… Have I been a DUFF all these years and never known it? And, if I was a DUFF, would my reality be different? Did I even care?

For the most part, I’ve gone through life believing I was no different than the company I kept. My friends were my friends because of who we were—not what we looked like. But looking back, were there clues that pinpointed my DUFF-dom status?

To examine this case study, I present four examples from my past.

Case Point 1 – The College Boyfriend When I was a newly launched college freshman, my (older) boyfriend sent me to my first fraternity party with a warning. “Guys always know the ugly girls have the hottest friends.” Whaaaat? The pure manipulation of such a comment is palpable. Yet, at that tender age, I accepted it. I should’ve dumped him on the spot, but I didn’t. It took me two more years. His warning, however, I never forgot. Was this my introduction into DUFF-dom?

Is this photographic evidence of my collegiate Duff-dom?

Case Point 2 – The House of the HottiesDespite an auspicious beginning, I had a wonderful collegiate experience. Full of typically clichéd intelligent, theater and music students who were “good kids” that wore a lot of overalls. I settled into a group of TRULY amazing girlfriends who just happened to be beautiful. I saw them as silly, vibrant women who had no problem farting and laughing. But I will never forget the day that a guy friend—let’s call him Dan-- told me I lived in “the Hot House.” He made the comment in jest but I read between the lines. My roomies were hot and everyone knew it. They were desired, and I was the funny one along for the ride. Was THAT a sign of my DUFF Flag Flying?

Case Pont 3 – Viva Las Veg-DufAt 24 I moved to Las Vegas, set out to make my own path. I shoved my toes into the cracks of doors and flung them wide open. Despite looking different, I felt strong and powerful. I knew I was pre-judged but that never stopped me. I never stood in the corner and waited for permission, for someone to decide I was worthy. I talked my way into jobs in entertainment public relations and marketing. Here I lived life behind the velvet rope. Guest lists, bottle service and industry privilege. I was associated with people who were beautiful and desirable, and I was ingratiated into their world. I never once questioned if I fit in. I simply made a place for myself. It wasn’t until one night at an industry mixer that I looked around the room and realized that I was the only plus-size woman working in Las Vegas entertainment PR. No joke. The absolute only one. Wait… Hold on---- Was I the DUFF OF LAS VEGAS? (gasp)

Here I am at 25 in all my "DUFF Glory" enjoying a night out on the town-- clearly feeling limited by my lack of good looks and the burden of my extra weight.

I showed people who I was, never giving them the chance to tell me I didn’t belong. I fought harder and worked smarter. I owned my space. In those few years I gained tremendous self-awareness about who I was as a woman and professional. But was I oblivious to how others perceived me?

Case Point 4 – The ModelizersI have spent the last few years working within the plus-fashion industry. I’ve become close to some incredibly beautiful plus-size models and industry folks. When they tower over me with their 5’11”, curvaceous bodies and full-lipped pouty smiles, I don’t think I’m any worse then they are because I stand a paltry 5’4”, unblessed to have their natural stunning looks… Then I remember the guy I met on line who on our second date blatantly hit on my friend, asked for an introduction, then declared he never liked me anyway. Or the countless men I encounter in the world of online dating who, when seeing a picture of me with those I love, exclaim a little TOO enthusiastically, “wow, your friends are HOOOOT!” Was this the Duff Evidence I was searching for?

I called Dan the other day—my House of the Hotties friend- and we had a long chat. He confirmed to me what I suspected all along. The idea of a DUFF is simply a tool. “The thing is, Sapora,” he explained, “is that all that had less to do with you and more to do with ME. That was a way for my 19-year-old self to put my sh*t out there and justify it with a label. Because, sometimes that’s what people do to survive. They label others. Because without those labels, they can’t figure themselves out.”

Just another picture of me looking "really unhappy" because I'm such a DUFF I can hardly stand existing in the same vicinity as my tall, beautiful friend. *yawn*

Ding ding ding! The truth I’ve believed all along, confirmed. “DUFF” is less about me, and more about…. Other people’s sh*t. People come in all shapes, sizes and colors. I don’t think there is harm in recognizing our differences. I refuse to live in a world where acknowledging our differences is so taboo that it makes us desire some homogenous ideal of Beauty. I hate the eggshells we walk on when describing one another. Like women of size who you can’t mutter the word “fat” around, even though it’s just a descriptor. (It’s a word, people, just a word!) Physical descriptors are just that---- observations. Descriptors don’t determine our worth. It’s what we do with them that can get us into trouble.

Perhaps one of the most un-DUFFiest women in Hollywood these days wore this shirt about a month ago. And broke the internet. Not as much as her sister bootie did, but just enough for people to wonder, was Kylie Jenner trying to be a body positive advocate?

People are different.

In every circle of friends there should be differences—those differences make us irreplaceable. Where we go awry is when we brandish our differences like hands of poker. When one person holds up the distorted mirror in order to give themself a better shape. When differences become the scapegoat that helps others to cope. Calling anyone a DUFF speaks more about the person flinging the term around than the potential DUFF in question.

Weighing all this, there is only one conclusion I can draw. Call me a DUFF if you will. I can’t stop you. And, I assure you, it won’t stop me. I know who I am. Who you are, and how you see me, has nothing to do with me… And everything to do with you.

This is me.

An unedited photo (except for a quick boost in lighting) from a shoot I did for AbbeyPost - a brand offering Made to Measure clothing for women with whom I serve as CMO. It was professionally photographed and I had both my hair and makeup done. (Can you blame me? If every ex-boyfriend in your life could Google you wouldn’t you want to look as good as you could?) As a woman, especially a woman in her mid 30’s, I am barraged every day with messages that tell me that who I am is wrong. I’m too heavy and too short. I’m too pasty pale. My wrinkles need to be erased. My grey hair should be covered meticulously. My breasts should be perkier. And don’t I want this super awesome new product that does something super awesome that I just HAVE to have for my super awesome life?

If I allowed the messages that were thrown at me on a daily basis to sink into my head--- I’d probably feel pretty cruddy about myself. If I let them sink in and then turned those same words into negative self talk, I’d have a lot of ground to be frustrated with myself. So it's pretty easy to get how looking at this picture - which puts my body at a slightly awkward angle and shows off my full shape without any place to hide-- could make me see everything that society wants me to think is wrong about myself.

Why are these things wrong? Well, who knows. A much bigger question than I am qualified to answer. Some might say that people (as a whole) need others to feel bad about themselves in order for them to feel better. Some might say there’s a big, conspiracy in todays marketplace that links overall consumer confidence to the sales of, well, pretty much EVERYTHING including beauty products. Others could say that, in order for there to be an Ideal Image we aspire to become, there has to be an archetype we dread becoming You could say a ton of things… Instead I will simply say this—I think it is human nature (especially in women) to find fault within something before they find praise.

The problem is that all these messages, if we hear them often enough and give them enough power, can turn into negative self-talk. And negative self-talk wears on you. It colors our lives and, in turn effects everything we do or touch.

Every day, I make a conscious decision to let the messages I tell myself be positive.

If I’m being honest, some days it’s easier than others. And some of those messages come easier than others as well. But I chose to be positive. So much, and so often, that drowning out the negative has become decently second nature to me with the majority of stuff I take on.

And so I offer this transparent experiment up for other women. When you look at a picture of yourself (or when you stand in the mirror) and when that negative voice starts to sing its seductive song ... Talk over it. Turn off the negative and turn up the positive messages that celebrate you instead.

Does this mean you have to be totally satisfied with your body? Nah. Come on, get real. But, you only have one choice—demonize yourself or support yourself. I chose the second. Your body tells a story. Your story creates a person. And that person deserves to be happy, just as they are. If you have a few minutes, or are so inclined, I urge you to try this simple experiment. Find a photo of yourself. Address, head on, the things you could be scared of. Look them in the eye, stare them down and stand over them like you are a combination of Beyonce and Martha Stewart and every other powerful, ass-kicking woman you can think of. Stare at them... and then move on. Deal with it. Everyone ages. Everyone changes. Everyone (even the most "perfect" of people) has stuff about themselves they don't love. Tell the negative to take a hike. Off a tall mountain. And jump.

Next, find something you like. Even if it’s as small as your toes or the shape of your nailbeds. Circle it. Literally. Take a pen to that paper and mark up every damn thing about you that you can dig. Today? That may not be too much. Next month? Hopefully more. My point is simple. Not easy, but simple. "They” can tell you whatever they want. But so can you. You can tell yourself whatever YOU want. Longer, louder and in a way more connected to your powerful brain than anything else can be.

In the war of self-acceptance--- you can win. And it starts with a single choice.xxSarah

A note of credit here:Nichole Alex, PhotographerBrittany Sullivan, Hair and MakeupLike my blue wrap top? It was Made to Measure to fit my exact shape by AbbeyPost! Disclosure- I work for AbbeyPost! But I don't get comission if you shop. Just the joy of knowing you found something you like! You can find this shirt, and many other Made to Measure tops, dresses and styles for plus size, petite and everything in between here.

This week, a story emerged online of a Las Vegas club promoter who conversationally grilled a woman that contacted him regarding a comp (AKA free) table for a bachelorette party of 15. Before agreeing to offer her the table, he insisted that she show him pictures of the entire group of 15 women or provide their Instagram accounts. The reason: his club didn’t comp “whales” or “hippos” and, without pictures, he couldn’t be assured that each member of the party was a “9-10” on the hot scale. Because the women were from Massachusetts and “girls don’t go to the gym there.” He also advised that a group that had “scary” looking girls could enter through a specific line and, once inside, could “ditch the whales” and get seated at a table. The woman smartly screen capped the entire conversation and sent it directly to Jezebel.com. Here’s a link if you feel like taking a gander.

I could tell you that reading this surprised me, but it didn’t. Having lived and worked in Las Vegas for many years, I know how the city works. I know Las Vegas is built on the culture of fantasy. That it exists to create an illusion people pay heavily to be immersed in. For the most part, I love the city. It pulls no punches and lays human nature on the line. Every vice of character can be out in the open. Lust. Gluttony. The city doesn’t apologize, and for that I love it. But with the colorful and exciting also comes blatant As*holery. Yes, I made up that word. As*holery.. This promoter is a perfectexample of As*holery., which, by the way, is something that doesn’t surprise me in general as a plus-size woman.

I know, I know. You’re thinking this will be some rant from an “angry fat chick” who feels the world has wronged her. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. Yes, I believe that obesity is a health problem. But at the same time, I think that our society needs to do some SERIOUS shifting of our beliefs when it comes to perceptions of persons of size. I think it’s ludicrous that, in the eyes of some, being overweight is one of the most offensive things that a person can be. And certainly, I KNOW our culture has a long, long way to go in accepting persons of size into daily life without acceptations, guile or prejudice. But I do not walk through the world blaming anyone for anything. I am my own woman. I know that people, and their subsequent actions, are the result of the greater whole around them. And that progress takes time. And that people often dislike what they fear the most.

Instead, this is going to be my story about what it has meant to be an interloper living among a World of Pretty. I am not a woman who believes that being Fat is better than being Thin. I am a woman who believes in being your damn self, exactly as you want to be. WHO that might be may change throughout your life, and probably will. I also believe that all bodies are legitimate. And that all women are entitled to feel like valid individuals in the world. But the fact is simple—in the eyes of greater society, some people are pretty and some are not. We are divided into social classes because of this. And overweight people aren’t counted among the Pretty.

Here’s the kicker. For most of my adult life, I have been the Only Fat Girl in a room of typically beautiful people. The feeling is surreal. Like walking into a toy store as a kid and being forced to walk the aisles with your hands in your pockets. No playing and no touching. Watching only. I’ve been allowed access into the Pretty Life and yet kept at the outside. I’ve slipped in and been absorbed, yet I’ve been totally alienated.

And it has made me wonder—what is better? To be included in the World of The Pretty but never LIVING in it? Or to be outside, having never touched it, but with the chance of living an easier, deeper, more fulfilled life? I simply do not know. ****For observant individuals, it doesn’t take long to realize that Beauty is an Entry Card to the game of life. Those who are deemed acceptable by others forge a path of least resistance. Doors open for them, roads bend in their path. The magical elixir of Luck + Opportunity + Circumstance seemingly comes together more frequently and without effort.

It starts as children on the playground. By the time we are teenagers we are partitioned off into social groups and labeled into Hot Chicks or Funny Girls or Brainiacs or some other descriptive. In some ways, we find comfort in these grouped definitions. There is social safety in keeping to your own group. You never feel like an outsider if you’re surrounded by people you relate to. Like in the movie Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion: Romy and Michelle (played by Mira Sorvino and Lisa Kudrow, respectively) reflect on their social status in school. Romy complains that they were “jokes” in school and they still are as adults. Michelle corrects her and says that she never knew that they weren’t that great in high school because they had so much fun together. That, until Romy said their lives weren’t good enough, she always thought their lives were great.

Me circa 2003 in Vegas.

I am the fat girl with the Hot Friends. I say that without any guile or animosity, purely factually. I have often had beautiful friends and been surrounded by those people that society has placed the Laurels of Hotness on. From the time I was in college, and even to this day, it has simply worked out that way.

Before heading off to the first fraternity party of my college years, my boyfriend, under the guise of protecting and caring for me, warned me that I needed to be careful. He said, “Guys always know the ugly girls have the hottest friends” and that I should guard myself against any man who approached me at a party.

Stop your vomit reflex. I can hear you gagging. The audacity and pure manipulation of such a comment is palpable. Yet, at the age of 17, I accepted the comment and took it under advisement. Don’t you just want to SMACK me? Thinking back, I should have smacked myself and dumped him on the spot. But I didn’t. It took me two more years before I let him go.

I had a wonderful collegiate experience. Full of typically clichéd good kids, smart theater and music students who created worlds of artistic amazingness. I laughed and cried and went to parties just like everyone else. But I never had a boyfriend. I never went on a single date. I settled into a group of TRULY amazing friends—we’re a threesome who are still close to this day. Those friends just happened to be really beautiful. I saw them as silly, vibrant, caring women who had no problem farting and laughing. But I will never forget the day that someone told me I lived in “the Hot House.” It was a comment made in jest by one of my male friends, but I read between the lines. My roomies were hot and everyone knew it. They were desired, and I was the funny one without a boyfriend.

At 24 I packed up and moved cross country alone to Las Vegas. I had a dream that I could live a more creative and interesting life than what I was living in NYC, so I set out to make my own path. I learned how to shove my toes into the cracks of open doors until I could fling them open, and talked my way into jobs in entertainment public relations and marketing. Here I was exposed to life behind the velvet rope. To guest lists and bottle service. I was associated with industry people who were beautiful and desirable, and I was ingratiated into their world. I never once questioned if I fit in. I simply made a place for myself in it. It wasn’t until I worked an industry mixer one night that I looked around the room and realized I was the only plus-size woman working in Las Vegas entertainment public relations and marketing. No joke. The absolute only one.

I became aware that I had gained entry into a world that, according to social rules and regulations, I didn’t belong in. My good looking friends appeared to be my entry. They legitimized my size and erased my stigma. One hot friend wasn’t enough, but to be surrounded by a Sea of Hotness made me acceptable.

The thing was . . . I didn’t care. I felt great about who I was. I was having fun. I felt strong and powerful.

I knew I was pre-judged by people, but that never stopped me. I never stood in the corner and waited for permission, or for someone to decide I was worthy. I simply showed them who I was and never gave them the chance to tell me I didn’t belong. I fought harder. I worked smarter. I owned my space without any hesitation. In those few years I gained tremendous self-awareness and learned a great deal about my strength as a woman and as a professional.

Yet, at the same time, I was always aware that others were experiencing things at a level I was not. I was surrounded by people who dated and loved, yet I did not date and love myself. I was invited to and included in parties and gatherings but engaged very little once I was there. Sometimes I noticed people looking past me during conversations, blindly nodding and smiling. Giving me their half-attention. Bringing me along for the ride but not sitting next to me on the roller coaster. I was respected and adopted. People asked my opinion and took my counsel. At the same time I was a Lone Wolf within the pack.

How did I slip in? How did I pull off a big switcheroo? It was clear I was getting away with something other larger women simply weren’t, but I didn’t know why. Was it just that I had enough confidence to make others not CARE about my physical presence?

Or was I living obliviously? Like the Emperor walking around naked in his suit of imaginary clothes. Did my sense of self cause me not to see others’ reactions and treatment of me? Or did I see those reactions and just not care because of my strong self-awareness?

I look back on those years with nothing but fondness. At the same time, I know I experienced professional successes while others lived personal ones. In a sea of friends getting married, I celebrated milestones in my work.

Another classic shot. I was really into crimping my hair...

The last few years of my life have been spent working deep within the plus-size fashion industry. I have worked with, and befriended, some incredibly beautiful and established plus-size models, bloggers and industry folks. I have made a home within this marginalized society group. Regardless of the fact that over 60% of American women wear a size 14 or over--- hold on let me say that again : 60% of women—we are still considered a fringe group. Even within the plus community there is a microcosm. I’ve noticed the divisive line between sociologically acceptable plus-size women and those too big, or shaped a certain way to be embraced by the community. Flat stomach. Hourglass curves. Small (or non-existant) double chin. The culture of “fat on fat” hate among women is pervasive and inescapable at times. If you think examples of As*holery are limited only to men condemning overweight women, I invite you to peruse the social media wilderness. The feminine race can be inexplicably cruel to its own, calling out body parts, shaming larger women wearing tight clothing. It goes on and on. Sometimes I brave this world. I put aside my own insecurities and share pictures of myself with the intended hope of providing SOME relatable model for the larger plus-size woman. For the most part, I have been lucky. I’ve escaped the nasty criticism but, I know if I peeled back the layers or dug a little deeper I’d find it… ****I am in my mid-thirties now. I’ve seen and been a part of SO much cool stuff in life. Yet, I’ve never experienced some of it as deeply as others. I am unmarried, for example, and haven’t been presented with the chance to start my own family. I am not even sure this is something I want, but regardless it still hasn’t been an option for me. Is part of this because of my choice to be the Only Fat Girl in a room full of Pretty People? If I had traveled in the circle that society had told me I belonged in, would my life have been easier? Would my life have been fuller?

I’ll tell you the 100% honest truth. I really don’t know.

Taking a more predictable path, a safer one, a less daring one, is never a less VALID one. You are not guaranteed any sense of peace and happiness if you “fit in,” though you may certainly find peace and happiness more easily. For me, I can tell you “predictable” has never been the answer. I like the brave. I like the journey. I like challenging myself. And I really like making the world say YES to me when its gut reaction is a resounding NO. I derive a personal sense of satisfaction from shattering perception and punching through the myriad of glass ceilings that life has placed above me. And maybe, just maybe, I’ve made things harder on myself in the process. Maybe in needing the wide open possibility, the access that comes without limits, I’ve limited my chances of finding the things I ultimately seek.

So back to this whole Hippo and Whale thing. Back to the As*holery.. I am not mad at you, Mr. Promoter Man. I feel bad for you. By spewing such hyper-defined Us vs. Them labels, you make it pretty clear to me that you base YOUR sense of self so clearly on your association with the nightclub you feel is the EPITOME of all things Pretty. That peddling Pretty People and determining who is worthy and who is not makes your worth in itself. You sell association to people, when it is really what you are selling to yourself. What are you without it? Would the pretty people pay attention to you if you didn’t have the access? What would happen to you if you were forced to interact with a room full of Hippos and Whales?

So I guess I am a hippo. Or a whale. I’m not sure which one that makes me. I prefer to think of myself as a dolphin. Or maybe a goat. Goats seem kinda awesome. Stinky, but awesome. Regardless, I see the label you want to place on me, Mr. Promoter. But not because it’s how I feel about myself—more so because it’s how you clearly need to feel about me in order to feel BETTER about yourself. I also think its… Bul*sh*t. Yes, another technical word. Bul*sh*t.

To my fellow hippos and whales: It sucks that we live in a culture that, for the most part, really doesn’t dig us. It isn’t easy showing up to the party when you know you may not get asked to dance. The decks are stacked against women of size in many ways. And then to have to deal with As*holery.? I get it. I ask you, however, to ignore it. Go on about your life like you deserve the same Access to Cool that every Pretty Person in life has. Is that a little naive? Some might say so. I say it’s the only way things will ever change. Brave the club. Wear the clothes. Do what you can to blur the lines. Yes, it’s totally ok to get mad at how people, like Mr Promoter, want to label and marginalize this. But not any single one of us can change the game. We cannot reshape society by ourselves.

Spending our time hating and being angry is just… Energy we could be spending on ourselves instead. If we started treating ourselves as if we were unstoppable beings, with the same (lack of) limitations as others, eventually others will see us that way. It will take time. A LOT of time. But it WILL happen.

The only way people will start looking us in the eye is if we keep PUTTING ourselves in front of them to begin with. The only way As*holery. Promoters will ever stop d*cking us out is if we believe we are just the same as EVERY other person in that club.

As for me, I am going to keep focusing my energy on living life the way I want to, and what feels authentic to me. Taking the risks, being open to change, looking people in the eye and saying YES I CAN when they throw me a sideways glance. I’ve decided to devote energy to making positive change within the plus-size community and to do what I can to inspire and help other women to become fully self-empowered and aware women. I can only have faith that, while journeying every day a step closer to my true self, that my personal life will catch up with me where I need it to be. And when it does… You can bet I’ll be taking a group of 20 women to Vegas for a bachelorette party and NOBODY will stop us from having the time of our life that we deserve.

If you’re like me, you probably loath looking at pictures of yourself. When I worked as Director of Marketing for SWAK Designs, part of my job was to run photoshoots with beautiful plus size models and work with their photos. I would scroll through pictures of these luscious, stunning women and be in awe of their beauty. My eyes gravitated towards the great things- the curves of their hips or the sparkle in their eyes. Looking at my own, personal pictures is never near as pleasant for me. First things first, I’m not a model. And I’m fine with this. I’m a regular person, whereas models are paid to be beautiful examples of womanhood. But even keeping that in mind, it’s easy to be harsher on yourself than you should be. I like working with myself AS I am now—but, for those of us who challenge body acceptance every day, our default can be to pick out the stuff we DON’T like before praising what we DO. Which is why I felt complete joy when I saw this picture. I’m going to be as honest as pie here (yum, pie) and tell you… I LOVE this picture of me. And no, it doesn’t make me egotistical to say that. It’s totally OK to love a picture of yourself! I love the smile, the freedom in my face and the naturalness of it all. I love the way the breeze blew my skirt and, even the way my hair ended up in my face. When I see this picture I saw a pretty, confident plus size woman. Someone that I strive to be on more occasions. I see myself feeling good about who I am—and I’ll keep that imagine in my mind on the days I feel off or less than perfect. I love every single thing about this outfit. So, here’s my usual write up. Enjoy! The Style: Black Crop Top from Eloquii and Coral, Midi-skirt from Asos Curve The Scoop: I bought this skirt on super sale last year from Asos. A quick look through my closet and you will quickly see I have an addiction to bright coral clothing. I have no idea why. The color is like my swan song. I had never worn a midi skirt and was unsure of how it would work for my short 5 foot 4 inch, high wasted frame. I finally took it out of the closet a few months ago and, holy cow, do I love it! It is the ultimate in lady like feminine. A bit Grace Kelly. Almost too prim, if you let it be… but than that POP of color keeps it fresh and current! Earlier this year I started noticing a lot of women wearing plus size crop tops. I’m not one to want to show off my mid-section but, there was a piece of me that thought maybe my super-short torso could carry off a little bit of a crop? When I saw this classic, ballet-inspired plus size crop top pop up at Eloquii I knew I had to have it. And yes, I paid full price for it!! Asos and Eloquii are two brands I really keep an eye on these days. Asos is a constant source of well-priced current clothes that allow you to play with trends in an accessible way. Eloquii speaks to me. No really. I love so much of what they are doing now. I’m not a very adventurous or fussy fashionista. I don’t even consider myself a fashionista. More so, a regular gal who likes clothes. I like my outfits simple and minimalist. It felt like a natural fit to pair this basic top with a bright skirt and take it for a whirl! Fit Notes: As always, Asos Curve house brand runs a bit large. The Eloquii top is true to size and a real crop- not a skimmer. Paired With: Yet again keeping it very simple here. A single, long necklace, black ankle strap shoes and a wrapped leather bracelet which adds a tiny bit of edge. Just a tiny bit.

A few outtakes. Windy days, fixing the hair and attempting a great pic!

The Style: Black Plus Size Crop Top and Tie Dye Skirt from Living Doll LA The Scoop: While I tend to favor looks that are “boho LA meets Miranda Lambert chic” (yes, I made that expression up) I also have a soft spot for super feminine, body conscious looks. A cinched waist. An ankle strap heel. A thick belt. Something that harks from a different era. I’m not sure what gave me the idea that I could wear a fitted skirt with a top TUCKED IN *gasp* but I knew I wanted to try it. And… I loved it. Ok, here’s the deal. I know I have a Wilson. [aka visible tummy line that resembles the smile on the Wilson volleyball in the movie Cast Away] I also know said Wilson in question is part of my body right now. I can either deny that it is there , requiring me to hide myself in baggy styles with empire waistlines (which I do love, don’t get me wrong) or I can just deal. I chose to deal. I also work off the assumption that NOTHING about my body is offensive and should bother anyone else. If it does, that is their personal right to feel the way they way. So, I’m not gonna lie… I kinda love the way this felt. Super curvy. Cinched in. Mad Men-esque. I dug it. Both of these items are from Living Doll LA. The brand was introduced to me by stylist Reah Norman at a photoshoot for Plus Model Magazine. While I had heard whispering before, I had never seen any of the styles in person. When I saw their printed tees, I knew I was hooked and had to have some for my own! The line makes straight and plus sizes with a junior cut to them. Fit Notes: The skirt has plenty of stretch to it, which is great. When you take it out of the bag it looks tiny. Don’t worry, it will fit. The top is also a flowy fit and very comfortable. Paired With: Printed skirts are new for me this summer. So far I have one from Asos that I love and this one, which has quickly become a staple in my wardrobe. I love the smokey tie-dye print. I like the pencil silhouette and invisible waistband. It’s a print without being overwhelming. It can be both bohemian and kinda rockery- which I dig. I kept the look super simple with another plus size crop top from Living Doll LA. Here’s a truth. When you are shorter (like me) with a short torso, tops that are super cropped on other people fit me just perfect. This soft, jersey crop top is lightweight and super comfy. I’ve worn it at least five times since I’ve gotten it. Right now it comes in black and coral—which I have also but don’t love as much because the coral is more a peachy color than a bright and vivid one, which is my personal preference. The belt is an old belt from SWAK Designs and the shoes are from Zappos. A thought about ankle strap shoes: lot of people will say that plus size women shouldn’t wear ankle strap shoes, that they cut the leg. I think that is silly. YES an ankle strap will cut the flow of your leg—but sometimes that is ok. I happen to have really small ankles for my body so, I like to emphasis them a bit. I think an ankle strap can look feminine. If you like them, but don’t want the heaviness, wear a nude-colored shoe which always lengthens the leg. Links for the Look: Click here for this Plus Size Crop Top by Living Doll LAGet your own Plus Size Tie Dye Skirt by Living Doll LA here!These shoes are no longer available but you can find similar ones here and here.

From Website to Real Life: wearing the Igigi Ambrosia Cocktail Dress in a size 3X

I’m going to be honest- I know I stand out. Not because I’m amazing or really, really good looking (hey, Zoolander!) but running with physical presence alone, blending isn’t something I do really well. You see, I’m usually the only 5’4 size 3X in a room… So when I chose to wear a firetruck red, form fitting plus size cocktail dress to my first event out as part of the team of Men of the Strip I knew I was feeling bold. And I kinda liked that idea. On June 1st, Men of the Strip premiered its reality movie on the E! network to glowing revues. The nation tuned in as this group of sexy guys stripped their way to a Las Vegas. For the last two months I’ve had the pleasure of joining this great group for the wild ride by helping them solidify their marketing efforts. The party we’d be going to would be a major networking “see and be seen” event to celebrate the 11th anniversary of VEGAS Magazine, a hot publication covering the who’s who in Sin City. The big question was what to wear? I knew there was only one dress for me. I’d worn the Igigi Ambrosia plus size dress before in royal blue. I’d bought it to wear to a fundraising event in LA and loved every second wearing it. In it, I felt sexy. I felt my curves formed into something feminine and beautiful. It was worth every penny. I had seen the dress in red on the Igigi website… and I knew it had to be mine. Imagine my luck when the team was kind enough to send me this killer plus size cocktail dress for the big event! This would be the first time I was stepping out in public with the Men of the Strip… and I wanted to make a statement. I wanted to look strong and sexy. A dress that screamed “take this woman seriously, she knows what she’s doing!” When I slipped this bad girl on, I felt everything I wanted to. Maybe even a little fearless. I kept the look super simple. A bronze, smoky eye and bronzed, glowing skin. I put my hair up in a messy high-bun and paired the dress with some super simple gold-accented flat sandals. I wore some gold earrings and piled on the gold bangles and was ready to go! When you walk into a room full of people surrounded by ten exceptionally good looking guys, people are going to stare. They are going to wonder who you are and what you do? Eyes are on you, and you can either step up and own your place or shrink. For me? I step up. You want to look? Go ahead! I feel great about myself. Every curve, every bump, every short inch of me. Want to know what I do? Awesome! Let’s talk!

On the red carpet with the guys from Men of the Strip in Las Vegas!

The Style: Igigi Ambrosia Dress in Red

The Scoop: A super sexy yet classy cocktail dress. Old school elegant. The dress is made from a super stretchy spandex-infused fabric that travels well. Meaning, it handles wrinkles super well. The best feature of the dress, to me, is the beautiful ruching around the entire body of the dress. Along with the strategic seams, this dress will shape and paint your curves into a beautiful picture. It does magical things to your bum. No, really…

Fit Notes: Igigi tends to be a bit generously sized so, check the size charts and see where you fall. I ordered my dress in a 3X and it fit like a glove.

Paired With: This dress is OVERTLY sexy so, whatever I would do with this dress as far as accessories and makeup would be minimal. I would also try this with a nude, ankle strap sandal as well.

A big, huge Thank You to Igigi for sending me this dress. I love it so very much and will make great use of it!Looking to find this dress for yourself? You can find this dress and more plus size cocktail dresses over at Igigi.com here.

Want to keep up with Men of the Strip? Visit us online and to learn more about this sexy new male revue, or find us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/menofthestrip

The Scoop: If you follow my blog at all, you know I LOVE me some Asos. As far as fast, fashion forward plus size fashion goes in traditional sizes, you cant beat Asos. Sure, junior sizes can wear Forever 21. But for me, a generous size 3X, junior plus just doesn't do the trick. I saw this plus size skater skirt and knew it had to be mine! I don't normally gravitate towards floral prints, but there was something about this one that I loved. Maybe it was the dark background? Regardless, I saw it and grabbed it.

Fit Notes: As with most of Asos Curve-brand pieces, the skirt is generously cut. Is in on the short side so, if you are taller or not comfortable showing some thigh, I would skip this one.

Paired With: A back, tee shirt from Target. Really. Also an old brown belt from SWAK Designs. I know somewhere there has to be a rule about mixing brown and black together. Still, I felt this worked- the rustic boots and belt worked with the floral! My boots? Trusty Corral Boots that are my new absolute favorite.

Notes: Since I got this killer plus size skater skirt, I have had a hard time NOT wearing it. Literally. I have worn it with a black, jersey crop top from Eloqui and also with a basic black tank. Just this past weekend I wore it with my favorite denim shirt, knotted and tied in the front. There’s something seriously playful about this skirt. Still, as summer-loving as it is, I can totally see wearing it with black tights and some booties in the fall. Maybe paired with a black leather moto jacket for a mix of soft and hard.

Industry authority Plus Model Magazine has featured my recent blog series, “8 Things Clients Wish Plus Models Knew” on their blog! I’m so excited about this because PMM is the “go to” resource for all things plus industry. It’s a great place for aspiring plus size models to go for tips, information and inspiration. Also, a wonderful resource for the plus community in general! Looking for the latest trends? Style advice? Gorgeous editorials featuring beautiful plus size models? PMM is the place for you! “We think it’s a must-read for any aspiring plus size model out there.” Says PMM blog editor Marcy Cruz. “ It’s an invaluable resource that can arm you with tips to help you be the best model you can be on set, as well as building a great first impression that can lead to a recurring job with a brand.” Thanks for the support guys! As an industry expert I love being able to educate models and help them grow their careers. It’s been a huge source of pride for me to be able to help mentor and nurture the careers of some of models like Alex LaRosa and Jenn Purviance. Interested in learning more about plus size modeling? Like getting the industry scoop? Keep an eye posted on my blog for more in the future. If you missed my blog series, click here to learn my 8 ﻿tips for aspiring plus model﻿s!

Are you an aspiring plus size model? In the second part of this two-part blog series, I'm giving you the scoop on eight things that plus models can do to make their clients REALLY love them. Next up? Our last four tips Looking for the first four? You can find a link to the first part at the bottom of this page!

Rule 5 - Never say no.“Unless the P.I.C is asking you to do something that will put you in harm’s way or compromise your religious or core beliefs, do you best to do everything they ask you to do. This comes back to supporting the goals and vision of The Brand. Do NOT be the reason they didn’t get the shot we were banking on.”

This means….The shoot is not about you. Did I mention that before? In case you didn’t catch it I will say it again. The shoot is not about you. It is about The Brand. If you are scared of animals but the P.I.C asks you to pose with a horse? Suck it up. If you are deathly allergic of said horse, that is a different story. If you have a religious or cultural objection to working with a horse, fine. But don’t not do it because it makes you feel weird.

Every photoshoot is an opportunity for you to stretch and grow as a professional. If you are afraid of heights are asked you to stand on a chair? Try it anyway. Put your fears aside for the bigger picture. Do it gracefully. Never let the P.I.C see you sweating. If you are having a real issue with something you are asked to do, calmly talk to the P.I.C about it and ask for help. They would rather troubleshoot WITH you than not. Bottom line is, learn how to seize the opportunity, step up to the plate and take a risk.

Big Disclaimer: You should never, ever, be forced to compromise your sexuality or body in any way. If you feel- genuinely- that you are being abused or taken advantage of then, obviously, speak up for yourself.

Model, Alex LaRosa

Rule 6 – Don’t take it personal. “You are a hired professional. If the P.I.C gives you feedback, they are giving it so that The Brand can get a better end result. This is not about you, it is about The Brand, which you are there to serve. So always keep a positive attitude and know that everyone is there to support a bigger goal.” This means… Put your Big Girl Panties. You are doing a job and constructive criticism is sometimes given so that the job can be done as better Also know that your body is a product. Be confident in your product and yourself. Your body is your job. You can’t clock out of work like some people do, so work on being the most confident version of you that you can be. Your strong sense of self will be contagious and rub off on everyone around you in a really great way!

Rule 7 – Ask questions. “It is better you ask questions than waste time (aka waste money) trying to figure something out yourself. P.I.C ‘s are going a mile a minute and may not remember to tell you something. They may take for granted you know something. If you don’t--- just ask.” This means… If you are given direction you don’t understand, ask for clarification. Ask the P.I.C what the mood or feel they are going for is! They would rather take the extra few moments to inspire you than spend time floundering. Another example? When you’re given an outfit, ask what kind of undergarments they want worn and allow the P.I.C to pick. Taking one minute to get clarification is better than the fifteen it will take to correct a mistake. Remember, time is money!

Rule 8 - Move well. “You must move well. If you don’t, the P.I.C can’t use you. Be limber and light on your feet. Be able to walk in high heels. There is nothing worse than a model that has two poses and nothing else to her. The more a model gives the more chances the P.I.C has to make the he best possible shoot for The Brand.” This means… You are an athlete. It is your job to have stamina. You must be able to bend or walk or jump, squat, kneel or stand on one foot. Clumsy is bad. Graceful is good. Your body is your job. It is a machine. My best advice for a model is to regular take yoga or a dance class. Anything you can do to be more coordinated and limber, do.

My eight rules are not designed to be seen in black and white. Use them as starting points and mix them with your own common sense. The overriding themes are basic—keep the focus on the job (not yourself), bring a positive attitude and a willingness to work. Modeling is a job and a commitment. The great models know this and put energy and work into growing! Good luck in your professional journey. Have questions for me or feedback? Share your comments below. I’ll do my best to answer and help as I can!

Are you an aspiring plus size model? Here's the scoop on eight things plus size models can do to make their clients love them straight from the mouth of an industry insider.

My name is Sarah. I’ve worked in marketing, branding and public relations for twelve years. It’s safe to say, I’ve been around the block. Four of those years I spent directly in the plus fashion industry where I directed and produced countless photoshoots. I worked with highly experienced models and those with “first day jitters.” I adore being behind the camera. I love to synthesize the big picture while orchestrating the little pieces of a photoshoot. I dig working with talent. And I thrive on creative vision. Producing a photoshoot is a dance of details. One of those [super important] details is hiring the right models for your job. Once you find the right model, you need them to be really great on set.

There is a lot of information out there for aspiring models. Some of it is self-explanatory. For example, models must arrive on a set well groomed. This stuff is [should be] obvious. But there are some things you will only learn from experience. This is where I come in. I’m going to give it to you the insider scoop I will spare you from learning [embarrassing] lessons and tell you the stuff that nobody else will. What I am about to tell you comes from the perspective of someone who works for The Brand that has hired you. The person that is running your photoshoot. For intents and purposes of this blog, let’s refer to this individual as Person In Charge- or P.I.C – since this Person In Charge at a photoshoot can wear a bunch of different titles depending on the size and organization of the company.

Your P.I.C has been tasked with hiring, directing and managing talent (including models, hair and makeup professionals, stylists and photographer) in order to get the best result. The P.I.C has one goal- to make a shoot that meets the goals of The Brand. This, in turn, helps The Brand to make the most money. That is what all of this is about, obviously. The best photoshoot that result in the best shots to sell the most stuff and increase profits. Here are my rules. The things you need to know to make the P.I.C’s job easier. To help with the success of the shoot and, in turn, be the most valuable plus model you can be. If you look great (however that is defined) and deliver what I’m explaining below, there’s a good chance the P.I.C will want to hire you again. Awesome.

Rule 1 - Service the brand, not yourself. “You are here for the P.I.C [Person in Charge]- the one running the photoshoot. The P.I.C is there for The Brand. Therefore, you are there for The Brand. Your presence exists to help the brand achieve their goals. A photoshoot is not about you. It is about the goals that The Brand has. For the most part, you are replaceable. Therefore, don’t do anything that takes away from the shoot and puts the attention on YOU as a person. The attention should always be on the end result.” This means… Resist the urge to spend your free moments trying to capture the perfect selfie. If you want to take one, ask the person in charge if it’s ok. Sometimes we [the person in charge, running the shoot] may say yes. Other times we’ll say no. Either way, we will appreciate you not making assumptions and respecting our decisions. Maybe you’re working on a top secret project! How bad would that be for you if the Boss of The Brand has to tell me to tell you to take a picture down from your Facebook or Instagram that shares something we don’t want to show yet? Bad. Very bad.

Rule 2- Prepare and be prepared. “If there is something The Brand needs to know about you that will affect the productivity and result of its shoot, it is your duty to let them know. One of the worst things you can do is catch them off guard with anything that will affect their productivity or end result. End result = money. Anything you do that puts The Brand in a position to lose money is bad for them and bad for you.” This means… Do you have a very wide foot? Any tattoos or markings on your skin? Tell us in advance, and then help us. If you have an extremely hard foot to fit into shoes, communicate that. Let us know what shoes you have in your model bag to help if needed. Another example? If you have a rash or skin discoloration on your legs, let people know AND offer to bring a selection of tights or heavy covering makeup to work around it. Expect the P.I.C is prepared for typical situations. If you have anything to share outside of this, give us them chance to be prepared.

Model- Kelsey Olson; Photographer- Lilly Cummings

Rule 3 - Be gracious. “Always have manners. Say “please” and “thank you” to everyone from the lowest assistant to the person behind the big doors. Everyone will remember your personality and will appreciate this.” This means… Be classy. I shouldn’t have to explain what that means. If you don’t know what that means, you have bigger obstacles than how to make it as a plus model. Picture the most graceful, professional lady you can think have—and then try to be like her. For e xample, after a photoshoot, if you have had a particularly good experience, send an email to the P.I.C and let them know. This kind of thing is classy and gives the P.I.C a real positive impression of who you are as professional.

Rule 4 - Know what works… But also be willing.Every plus size model has a different body. Different poses and angles work differently for different people. Know what looks good for your body. How to stand, turn and shape yourself. At the same point in time, let the P.I.C take you out of your comfort zone. This is a marriage and dance between you and the P.I.C. You must trust them to lead you and the must trust you have the skill to follow. “

This means…Take an honest look at pictures of yourself to see what works and what doesn’t. Ask for, and LISTEN, to feedback that you are given from trained professionals. Do not rely on copying poses you see established plus models making. Instead, use them as a platform for you to find what works for YOU. Some P.I.C’s on set are very hands on. They will want to direct you and give you suggestions. Some will just sit back and let you do your thing!

Also, never say you won’t do something because it doesn't make you look good. P.I.C’s don’t care what you think. P.I.C ‘s care what they think. Let them determine that for myself.

I've got four more tips coming! In Part 2 of this series I'll tell you why you should never take things personally and how come walking (yes, walking) is the most important thing you can do right on set!Click here to read Part 2!

﻿About Sarah﻿

I'm a 30-something plus size woman, born on the east coast and currently living in the San Francisco Bay area. I'm a creative junkie, expert in plus fashion and marketing professional. I sing in the car and have a cool Shih Tzu with a distinguished snaggle tooth.

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"As a plus size blogger, I worked closely with Sarah on a variety of campaigns for SWAK. Sarah wore many hats at the company and under her skilled, creative hand I saw the brand flourish - from the quality and style of clothes offered, to the brand's influence/positioning within the plus size community. Sarah goes all in on everything she does and relentlessly pursues the end-goal. She's also a lot of fun to work with and I look forward to continuing a professional partnership with her."- Sara BartlettPlus Size Author / Blogger, SaraBartlett.netRead more from others here! >>