Friday, January 14, 2011

Are You Ready for Marriage? Simple Tool #1: Humor

Post written by premarital columnist Susanne Alexander of Marriage Transformation.

Your ability to laugh together is one of the vital facets of your relationship that will be important throughout marriage.

Does this mean you both have to laugh all the time with each other?

No way. You could both be serious and rarely laugh together and still be compatible!

It’s very common for people to list “sense of humor” as something that they are looking for in a relationship. Relationship expert Amy Spencer says, “Do you think you want someone with a good sense of humor? You don’t. What you want is a relationship in which the two of you crack each other up”.

So, it’s more about the quality of the interaction between the two of you than looking for that particular quality in someone.

2. Do we understand and appreciate each other’s jokes or humorous stories?

3. Does one of us laugh more easily than the other? How does that work or not work in our relationship?

4. When we do activities together, do we generally feel a sense of enjoyment in the experience and in sharing it?

5. When difficult circumstances arise, are we both able to see the humor in the situation, or help each other see it?

Some people naturally generate positive, humorous feelings and an outlook that has them always looking for what makes them laugh. Other people tend to be more serious until they have a partner who helps them to lighten up.

What works best for you in a partner?

No matter how compatible partners are, there will be times when one of you just doesn’t get the joke.

One of you is cracking up and one of you is lost. You will just end up shaking your heads and agreeing you are on a different page.

If this is happening a lot, then step back, and assess: Is this relationship one that will work long-term?

Marriage, like the rest of life, is full of both joys and challenges.

Sharing humor and laughter can be the grace that saves you when the baby spits up for the umpteenth time, the car tire goes flat for the third week in a row, your mother-in-law descends for an unexpected visit, or there is a difficult medical diagnosis to deal with.

Couples who can find humor in even the most dire circumstances have a unique strength. You aren’t laughing at each other, you’re laughing with one another. And couples who can laugh together are more likely to stay together.