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Sleeping In

Listen. I get it. I totally understand that my kids get up early, and I’ve come to terms with it. And I know I’ve complained on this blog before that my sleep habits and my girls’ sleep habits don’t really “mesh.” I’ve bought a Keurig so I can make as many cups of coffee as I want/need each morning. But, good Lord it’s early!

For example, Paige was up this morning at 5:30 am. We are at Gramma and Grandpa’s, so she is sharing a room with D and I. Which means she was in OUR bed at 5:31 am. “Whispering” about how hungry she was (isn’t toddler whispering a joke – I mean, I’m pretty sure changing your voice to “raspy” mode and talking louder than normal doesn’t qualify as whispering). Oh, and she also wanted to know where her sippydip (lipstick) purse was. I certainly don’t love my kids any less this early in the morning, but I’m probably not the friendliest mommy in the world.

Here’s what I don’t understand. People who say their kids “sleep in.” People who say “oh, we let our kids stay up until 9:00 or 10:00 pm sometimes, and they just sleep and sleep and sleep the next day.”

You know what I say? I say you have one of three situations on your hands here, parents of “sleepers ins. That doesn’t sound right. Sleeper ins? Sleepers in? kids who are still asleep when the sun rises:

1. You are liars. And you are doing so to the detriment of other moms who constantly second-guess themselves….aka, every other sane mom on the planet. We already feel bad enough about ourselves and worry about making good decisions. Don’t make shit up.

2. You are so drunk all the time that you can’t hear your monitor. Or you just turn your monitor off. Or you don’t even HAVE a monitor in your room. I’m not judging. I don’t blame you. In fact, we might be making some changes at our house (except that I’m WAY too ridiculously worried about everything to not have monitors. Blair’s room is less than a foot away from ours, and I have a monitor for her next to my bed).

3. Your kids are perfect. No, really. I’m not being smarmy or a wise-in-heimer. I believe there really might be a select few kids out there who roll like this. However, I recommend you probably not have any more kids. That bar has been set WAAAAAY too high. I can promise you Babies 2, 3, 4, etc will be a huge disappointment to you. Just save those imaginary kids their imaginary money on imaginary therapists now.

Me, I plan to just keep procreating until I get that one perfect child. Then I’m going to rub all my other kids’ faces in it and probably just name that child “Favorite.”