Support for Family Issues

Grief

A little over two years have passed since my husband went to
be with the Lord.My melt downs have
decreased dramatically and I don’t cry myself to sleep anymore, but I still ask
myself will the emptiness and loneliness ever go away?

About a month ago I had foot surgery and couldn’t put my
foot down on the ground for two weeks.I
found myself having to depend on my daughter and granddaughter to help me.This was the first time since Steve went to
be with the Lord that I’ve had a procedure performed and he wasn’t in thehospital waiting room waiting for me to get
out of surgery.Then following the
surgery not being able to get around and take care of even the small things for
myself made me feel totally hopeless.

To
compound matters, the past two weeks have been filled with one heart ache after
another.My late husband’s Uncle passed
away, then my friend Sis. Gladys passed away.My son-in-law treated me horribly and it broke my heart.Then a week later my little dog Oscar passed
away.I found myself bursting into tears
again, feeling so alone.I started
asking God, “You know how much I hate being alone, why did you take Steve away
from me?”

As I sat there and cried, my
phone chirped.I received a text from a
friend asking me to go out to eat with her.It was like God gently reached down and gave me a little shake.At the perfect time and moment I received
that text and once again realized that while I come home to an empty house each
evening, God has not left me alone. He
has filled my life with Tremendous Pastors and a Wonderful Church Family.Just when I start feeling sorry for myself
God brings them back into my focus and surrounds me with Love.

From the beginning of time, my Bible shows that the heart
aches of Life happen to each of us.The Sun rises and sets each day only to have a
new one begin the next morning and I know without a doubt that God is in
Complete Control of all things and has a purpose and perfect plan for my life. Walterene

I have learned by experience that it is not a good thing to tell anyone in grief or going through any trial in life to say, "I understand exactly how you feel." The truth of the matter is that you and I really don't know how any other person feels about anything. We may think we do, but, one's feelings are his or her own, and each person is different.

That difference is expressed by age, maturity, sex, temperament, and experiences in life. Most of us tend to guard or hide our feelings because of previous embarrassment when we expressed a feeling as a child or youth, and were chastised or condemned by our elders for expressing a feeling. So, we experienced the feeling of shame for having shared any feeling that others thought was unacceptable. We must remember that feelings are God-given, and are not wrong. The way we deal with them determines their meaning.

Anger, for example, is not a primary emotion. You have to get beneath the anger to find out the cause for it. Anger usually happens when we are disappointed, hurt, attacked verbally, and no one seems to listen or pick up why we are offended. To express a deeper hidden feeling we often will express anger either consciously or unconsciously.

To say, "I know how you feel," cuts off the flow of sharing one's personal feelings.

It is far better to say, "I do not understand how you feel, but I would like to understand. If you would like to tell me about it, I am ready to hear it." That kind of response tends to put at ease the other person, and if they are so inclined and would like to trust you with his or her feelings, you give him or her permission to tell you. That response frees up the other person to tell you what they may want to share with you. Most of us share bits and pieces. So, it is like peeling an onion. We do it one layer at a time. That takes love and patience

A key to healthy relationships is to give another person space as well as freedom to tell you whatever they would like to tell you.Neverget in anyone's face, pry, or probe. Be willing to allow the chemistry of the moment to facilitate the flow of feelings. If it doesn't happen, at least you have stood with that person in silence and love and showed that you really care. Silence is golden and often will produce a powerful moment of truth that can be revealing without shame. Most of us want other people to love us, regardless of what we have experienced.

Fanny Crosby in her beautiful hymn entitled, "Rescue the Perishing," wrote this third stanza of that great song which expresses so clearly what I am trying to tell you today:

Down in the human heart, crushed by the tempter,Feelings lie buried that grace can restore;Touched by a loving heart, wakened by kindness,Chords that were broken will vibrate once more.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, Who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.NIV

FAQ: When Am I Going to Be Able
to Stop Grieving and Start Feeling Better?

Martha Clark Scala

She has been a psychotherapist in private practice since 1992, with offices in Palo Alto and San
Francisco, California.
She regularly writes about grief and loss, the necessity of self-care, and
substance abuse. Her e-newsletter, "Out on a Limb," is available to
subscribers through her website.

It depends. There are
a number of factors that might contribute to how long it takes to feel better
again. The most common include:

*The quality of your relationship
with the deceased.

*The amount of personal or
vicarious trauma associated with the loss.

*The extent of unresolved issues
in your relationship with the person who died.

*Your role in dealing with the
aftermath of the death.

*Your willingness to address your
grief rather than avoid it.

Bear in mind that bereavement is
a process. Acute grief may last quite a while, and that's normal. More often
than not, those who try to force themselves to "get over it" quickly
are unsuccessful. Try to avoid this unrealistic expectation by being as patient
and gentle with yourself as possible.

You may start to feel better in
three months, but don't be surprised if you're still miserable, at least some
of the time, several months to several years after your loss. The average
length of time it takes most people to consistently feel better is about a
year. However, it's also common to feel better for a while and then take a turn
for the worse. That can be triggered by events such as special holidays or
occasions that have a particular association with the person you've lost,
especially the anniversary of his or her death.

A relapse of acute grief can also
occur somewhat out of the blue. For example, on any random day you may find out
about someone who is battling the exact same cancer your loved one
had -- and this might trigger your feelings of intense grief all over again.

Finally, some people never really
feel better. As they attempt to adjust to life without the person they've lost,
they find it virtually impossible to derive joy again. Sometimes this takes the
form of clinical depression, which can be treated with medication or
psychotherapy that may mitigate the intensity of grief symptoms. For some, the
inability to reengage in life results in suicidal feelings or attempts. I
mention these possibilities not to scare you but to underscore the value of
getting help if you need it.

Many forms of help are available.
Sharing your emotional pain will likely help you process it and also help you
recover from the disabling parts of grieving. If you're fortunate enough to have
supportive friends, family, or community to turn to, take advantage of that. If
not, or if you'd prefer to speak with someone outside your circle of support or
trust, consider pastoral or mental health counseling or a grief support group
to help you work through the myriad feelings that you're experiencing.

For the type of person who just
doesn't feel like talking about feelings at all, the two most reliable
activities are vigorous exercise and creative expression. When spirits are low,
it can be very hard to find the motivation to take on either of these
activities, but the payoff is worth it. It's usually best to start with
something that you've already done, so you're less likely to resist the
activity. For example, if you're already a knitter, consider knitting a
memorial scarf or hat. If you're a runner, you may want to commit to three runs
per week. A knitter will have a harder time getting started with painting, and
a runner will be less likely to launch a rowing campaign -- at least at the
beginning.

However, you may also find that
new activities beckon. Many grievers are drawn to gardening for the first time,
for example. Notice which activities hold your interest even if you're
experiencing poor attention span, a classic symptom of grief. It's entirely
possible that these whispers of interest are pointing you toward activities
that will help you heal.

The tricky task here is to engage
actively in your recovery process while simultaneously trying not to force a
speedy recuperation. There's no blueprint that fits every griever. Make
yourself the architect of your new life and start drawing up plans -- even if
you feel you haven't the energy to do so.

In
a few days it will have been a year since my best friend and husband and I had
our last conversation, last embrace and last “I Love You” before he aspirated
and was taken into ICU and then the Lord took him home.

While
I don’t cry myself to sleep every night now and don’t feel like a sharp burning
sword has cut my whole heart out, and it is getting easier to make it through
the days, I still miss him so much.I
still will turn over during the night and reach over only to awaken and know he
is not there or to have something wonderful happen to me and it will flash
through my mind, I can’t wait to get home to share it with Steve, then I’ll
remember he is not there.

This
past year has been almost indescribable.God has showered me with his love, mercy, grace and provisions.Through each trial and hard time, he has
provided for me and brought me through.He has been faithful each step of the way.

This
morning I opened my email Word of the Day I receive and found this awesome word
waiting for me…..

My comfort is your comfort. Sometimes
the comforts of the world seem to satisfy. But in the end, nothing satisfies
like Me. I designed and fashioned you. No one knows you like Me. And I have
placed a hole in your heart that only I can fill. You have the choice of
filling it with Me or with the substitutes the world has to offer. Your heart
or hearts tells you that only I can fully comfort you. Isn’t that exciting?
Yes, fall to your knees and thank Me for all I have done for you. Ask Me for
the things you need. My promises to you are forever. No one can break them. My
comfort is your comfort.Psalms 119:77 “Now comfort me so I can live, really live; your revelation is
the tune I dance to.” Ras Robinson

The Guide to Grieving and Bereavement

Losing someone or something you love is very painful — and it’s something that almost everyone will experience at some point in their lives. Loss that goes unacknowledged or unattended can result in disability. But grief that is expressed and experienced has a potential for healing that eventually can strengthen and enrich life. There is no right or wrong way to grieve — but there are ways to make your grieving more complete and more positive.

What is grief?

The definition of grief includes: emotions and sensations that accompany the loss of someone or something dear to you. The English word comes from the Old French grève, meaning a heavy burden. This makes sense when you consider that grief often weighs you down with sorrow and other emotions that can have both psychological and physical consequences.

When someone close to you dies, you don’t just lose that person on the physical level, you also face the loss of what might have been. Your pain can involve missing that person’s presence: sleeping in a bed that’s half empty, craving a scent or an embrace. But knowing that your loved one will miss all of the milestones in your life often lasts longer than the pain of the physical absence. This may include the children that were never born, the trips not taken, colleges not attended, weddings not danced at — every life marker can be a reminder and an occasion for renewed grief.

How you respond to a particular loss

How the person died

Your response to an unanticipated death — a sudden heart attack, an accident, an act of violence — may be very different from the grief you feel when someone you love dies after a long illness. In the latter case, you may experience anticipatory grief, which occurs before the person’s death. You’re just as devastated when the death happens, but because you started grieving earlier, you may be able to recover sooner.

Your relationship with the person

The closeness of the relationship — spouse, parent, sibling, child — plays a role, of course. In the case of a blood relative, another factor is whether the person was a daily or regular presence in your life. Then there’s the psychological nature of the relationship: was it smooth or rocky? If you had unfinished emotional business with the person you lost, if your last interaction was angry or otherwise fraught, that can intensify your experience of grief.

Your personality and coping style

If you’re a normally resilient person, you may feel just as much pain over a loss as someone whose normal state is depressive or emotionally vulnerable, but you may find it easier to recover your equilibrium and to enjoy life again. People who have trouble coping with the setbacks of daily life will have a more difficult time recovering from a serious personal loss.

Your life experience

What you’ve learned about loss from other people and from your own experience can inform how you handle the loss of someone you love.

Support from others

As you’ll see below, it’s essential that you have people in your life who will help sustain you emotionally as you grieve. It’s also important that your friends and family take your loss as seriously as you do. If you lose a cousin or friend who was more like a sibling, your grief shouldn’t be dismissed as less important than that of an immediate relative. Many people downplay miscarriage, even if, to the parents, it represents the death of a baby. Nor does it matter how old the person was who died, or how sick. You lost someone you love, it hurts, and you need the support of people who care about you.

Are there stages of grief?

In 1969, based on her years of working with terminal cancer patients, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief.” While these stages represented the feelings of people who were themselves facing death, many people now apply them to experiencing other negative life changes (a break-up, loss of a job) and to people facing death or experiencing the death of loved ones.

Kübler-Ross proposed these stages of grief:

Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”

Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”

Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”

Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”

Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what is going to happen/has happened.”

However, Kübler-Ross herself never intended for these stages to be a rigid framework that applies to everyone who mourns. In her last book before her death in 2004, she said of the five stages, “They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss, as there is no typical loss. Our grieving is as individual as our lives.” There is no timetable for grieving. While the sense of loss and the intermittent sadness may never go away completely, people experience the cycle of grief differently. Some find that within a few weeks or months the period between waves of distress lengthens, and they are able to feel peace, renewed hope, and enjoy life more and more of the time. Others may face years of being hit with what feels like relentless waves of grief.

Mourning:

Mourning often involves a culturally appropriate process to help people pass through their grief. While many cultures mourn differently, the mourning processes usually have common ideals: acknowledging and accepting the death, saying farewell, grieving for a specific time period, and some means for continuing to honor the deceased. And finally, mourners are encouraged to move beyond their loss and form new attachments. Different cultures often define what is appropriate behavior for various family members, as well as the role of children during the mourning process.

Coping with grief and loss

The single most important factor in healing from loss is having the support of other people. Even if you aren’t comfortable talking about your feelings under normal circumstances, it is important to talk about them when you’re grieving. Knowing that others know and understand your grieving will make you feel better, less alone with your pain, and will help you heal.

Support can come from a number of different sources:

Finding support after a loss

Friends

Let people who care about you take care of you, even if you take pride in being strong and self-sufficient. Especially when you live away from family, true friends can offer shoulders for you to cry on until you begin to recover.

Family

The death of a relative can create a path for reunion, and even reconciliation, among surviving relatives. (It can also tear families apart, especially in the case of a sudden or violent death, so it’s important to be sensitive to one another’s approaches to grief and to refrain from accusation.) Sharing your loss can make the burden of grief easier to carry. Reminiscing about the person all of you lost may help everyone recover. If you’ve lost a friend or spouse, family members can form a caring community.

Your faith community

If you follow a religious tradition, embrace the comfort its mourning rituals can provide. Allow people within your religious community to give you emotional support. If you’re estranged from your faith community or have none, this may be a good time to reconnect or to explore alternatives.

Support groups

There are many support groups for people who are grieving, including specialized groups (such as, people who have lost children, survivors of suicides).

Therapists and other professionals

Talking with a psychotherapist or grief counselor may be a good idea if the intensity of your grief doesn’t diminish over time — that is, months go by and you still have physical symptoms, such as trouble with eating or sleeping; or your emotional state impairs your ability to go about your daily routine.

Wherever the support comes from, accept it and do not grieve alone. One of the key elements of healthy grieving is allowing your emotions to surface in order to work through them. In the long run, trying to suppress your feelings in the hope that they’ll fade with time won’t work. Blocking the grieving process will delay or disable your ability to eventually recovery.

If people don’t know what they can do to help, tell them — whether it’s going with you to a movie, cooking a meal for you, or just holding you as you cry. If someone is uncomfortable with your displays of emotion or your need to talk about the person you lost, gently let him or her know that talking out your grief is part of your healing process.

Helping yourself cope with grief and loss

Express your feelings in a tangible or creative way. Write about your loved one in a journal, or write the person a letter saying the things you never got to say. Create a scrapbook or artwork about the person; create an appropriate memorial in his or her honor (for example, if the person loved flowers, plant or fund a garden); get involved in a cause or organization that was important to him or her.

Take care of yourself physically. Get enough sleep, eat sensibly, and engage in regular exercise. Do not use alcohol or drugs to numb the pain of grief or lift your mood artificially. (That may even apply to antidepressants meant to ease the sadness of grief; because grief, unlike depression, is not a disorder, masking the pain with meds may be less productive than working through the sadness.) Healthy habits will help you with grieving, but substance use will impede recovery and can lead to long-term dependence

Don’t let other people tell you how to feel, and don’t tell yourself how to feel either. Your grief is your own, and no one else can tell you when it’s time to “move on” or “get over it.” At the same time, it’s okay to be angry at the person who died, to cry every day if you need to, to yell at the heavens without being embarrassed. Conversely, it’s okay to laugh, too. If watching the entire oeuvre of the Marx Brothers helps you heal, no one has the right to tell you it’s inappropriate.

Plan ahead. Anniversaries, holidays, and milestones in life can be particularly challenging. Be prepared for an emotional wallop, and know that it’s completely normal. If you’re sharing a holiday or lifecycle event with other relatives, talk to them ahead of time about their expectations and agree on strategies to honor the person you loved.

Difference between grief and depression

If you are grieving, you may experience a number of depressive symptoms, such as frequent crying, profound sadness, and depressed mood. However, while major depression is categorized as a psychological disorder, grief is not. Grief is a normal and healthy response to bereavement, not an illness. Its symptoms are painful, but they serve an adaptive purpose.

The American Psychiatric Associationstates that, as a general rule, normal grief does not warrant the use of antidepressants. While medication may alleviate some of the symptoms of grief, it cannot treat the cause, which is the loss itself. Furthermore, by numbing the pain that must be worked through eventually, antidepressants delay the mourning process. When grief continues to be a disruptive and debilitating presence, you may be suffering from depression. If you have a prior history of depression or lack social support, you are particularly at risk.

Symptoms that sugggest a bereaved person is also depressed::

Intense feelings of guilt.

Thoughts of suicide or preoccupation with death.

Feelings of worthlessness.

Slow speech and body movements.

Inability to function at work, home, and/or school.

Finds no pleasure in previously-enjoyed activities.

Hallucinations of the deceased.

If you develop major depression following the death of a loved one, you may benefit from professional treatment.

How trauma affects the grieving process

Grief tends to be mixed with trauma when a loss is sudden and unexpected — a fatal heart attack, an accident, a murder — or it’s perceived as being outside the normal cycle of life, as in the death of a child. For example, someone who nurses a spouse through a long illness will grieve when the spouse is gone, but the person who witnesses the sudden death of a spouse in a car crash will likely be traumatized as well. A sudden loss can be even more difficult to deal with if you don’t have a socially recognized outlet for mourning, as may be the case with a miscarriage or stillbirth.

While trauma always incorporates grief, the two states are very different in how you experience them and what effect they can have on you. Grief is a normal reaction to loss, with its symptoms diminishing over time. On the other hand, trauma is a disabling reaction that can block the grieving process, disrupt your life, and leave you psychologically vulnerable. If you are coping with a traumatic loss, you may want to think about turning to a counselor or other professional for help.

Grief vs. Trauma

The Effects of Grief

The Effects of Trauma

Sadness is the dominant emotion.

Terror is the dominant emotion.

Grief feels real.

Trauma feels unreal.

Talking about grief can help.

Talking about trauma is difficult or impossible.

Pain is related to the loss.

Pain involves not just loss, but terror, helplessness, and fear of danger.

Anger is nonviolent.

Anger often involves violence towards yourself or others.

Guilt involves unfinished emotional business with the deceased.

Guilt includes self-blame for what happened or thoughts that it should have been you who was harmed.

Your self-image and confidence generally remain intact.

Your self-image and confidence are distorted and undermined.

You dream about the person you lost.

You dream about yourself in danger.

Symptoms lessen naturally over time.

Untreated, symptoms may get worse.

We at RMA feel this article is well written and worthy for those who are suffering losses in their lives. We have included the links to other sites that were included in the article. We offer their sites as helpful insights and encouragement. May the authors be acknowledged in thier links.found here.

Seven months have passed since I lost my husband and best friend.As I look back, God has been so awesome to me.I truly am blessed beyond human comprehension. The people that God put in my life, my Pastors, my church family, friends and my neighbors are so amazing.No one can ever tell me that there are no good people left in the world anymore because of the outpouring of love that has been shown to me.

During the past seven months, God has held true to his Word that he would provide and take care of me and supply my needs.I didn’t think I could make it, but I’ve made it through Birthdays, Anniversary, Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, car trouble, home repairs and a major Hurricane named Ike.During the storm as I lay in bed trying to sleep but found myself listening to the winds roar outside I prayed “Lord please protect my home and belongings, I just don’t think I could go through another loss right now.”Then the Lord showed me an enormous Angel with its wings all spread out and laying across the roof of my home.When I was finally able to go back home to look around, I saw that a piece of siding at the top under the awning had come off leaving the attic open.Upon walking through my house, I found the wood that covers the portal from the inside of the house into the attic had been sucked out of the hole.I knew the winds had gotten up in my attic, but not even one shingle was missing.God had taken care of my home and belongings.

This week I received word that a long time friend passed away.The last time I saw her was at my husband’s Homegoing Celebration.She was so frail and weak and you could see that Cancer was taking its toll on her, but she was standing strong and believing God.The day of her viewing, I mentally tried to prepare myself to go, but as the time grew closer I found myself crumbling.Once again, my grief overwhelmed me.I kept telling myself, this wasn’t about me, but it was in memory and honor of my friend Doris, but the hurt was so real.I found myself mentally reliving losing my husband again.I was seeing my husband laying in ICU on Life Support and watching him code and the Dr. telling me he was gone.

I know that both my husband and my friend suffered with illness in their bodies for so long and now are laughing, singing, shouting and dancing on the streets of gold with no pain, no illness and no more suffering.

God I believe you to be true to your Word and you have been, but the hurt is still so real and the emptiness is so great.This time of the year is especially hard because he loved Fall so much and always got excited when it arrived.He couldn’t wait until the first real cool snap blew in and was ready to light a fire in the chiminea outside and sit on the swing with a cup of hot cocoa.He loved to take drives to see leaves changing colors, the few we have here in

Texas

.

I miss him so much and I am waiting Lord for that morning when I will wake up and know first hand that “…Joy cometh in the morning.”

It has been almost six months since my husband went to be with the Lord and this week has been a tough one.First, I stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few items and ran into an old friend that I haven’t seen in many years.The first thing she said was “How is your family, how is Bro. Steve”?I held it together and told her that he had passed away.The look on her face is unforgettable.She started saying over and over how sorry she was, that she didn’t know, she was so sorry she didn’t even know he was sick.I continued to check out my groceries and I could hear her in the next check out line still saying, I’m so sorry Walterene, you all were so close, it must be so hard.I could hardly stand there and rushed out as soon as I paid for my things.I know this is going to happen, and that people are shocked because so many people loved him, but they don’t understand that a simple, I’m so sorry is sufficient and how going on and on hurts me so much and is so hard to handle.

Over the past few months I have read many times since my husband passed away about the different stages of Grief, and I always saw “Anger” as one listed.I remembered as a child how I overheard my Aunt saying how angry she was with my Uncle for dying and leaving her with 4 small children to raise alone.I thought to myself as I read it, I knew how sick Steve was, I lived it day-by-day along with him. I will not ever go through that that stage, there is no reason for me to.You guessed it.A few mornings ago, I was on my way to work and was thinking about all the things I needed to accomplish and all of a sudden like a rush of wind, I started feeling Angry.I started saying, “You knew there were things wrong with the car and you knew the things that needed to be fixed around the house, how could you leave me holding the bag like this?”Tears began to pour down my face as overwhelming guilt took over and I found myself apologizing and saying, “I’m so sorry, I know how sick you were, I watched your strength disappear and you waste away loosing over 100 lbs.I know you couldn’t fix all the things and take care of everything, but why didn’t you tell me how to do it all?”

While some things are getting a little easier and I am adjusting, I still miss him so much.

I don’t remember a time that I have never not known who I was.Even while Steve was in the hospital and then in ICU for all those weeks before his passing, it seemed like all the nurses and staff knew who I was and would greet me and call me by name as I walked through the door each day.Recently, I found myself in an awkward situation sitting at my Dr’s Office filling out the new patient forms.I came to the section where it asks my status and I was to check a box for Married, Separated, Divorced or Single.I sat there looking at each option and thinking to myself, “I am not Divorced, I am Separated until my time comes to go be with the Lord and Steve, Legally and Biblically I am not married, but I don’t consider myself Single either.So Who Am I“?

After loosing Steve I found myself struggling with trying to “Find Myself” again as they used to say in the 1960’s.I am a widow, but in my mind and heart I am not single but still Mrs. Stephen Jones.It took me a few months after his passing that I finally did remove my wedding ring, but after being Mrs. Stephen Jones over 30 years my hand still feels naked and bare and vulnerable.

My search through the past few months has taken me down many roads, some familiar, but most are new and uncharted roads that I don’t know what lies ahead.Will the roadbe smooth traveling or a bumpy ride?God has directed my uncertain paths over and over and been Faithful to me.I have learned that there is no road map for widowhood except God’s Word, his Grace, his Mercy and his Love.

Helen Steiner Rice a famous poet wrote the Poem That Souls May Grow and it says, “May you find comfort in the thought that sorrow, grief and woe are sent into our lives sometimes to help our souls to grow…For through the depths of sorrow comes understanding love, And peace and truth and comfort sent from God above.”

The Lord provided me with the perfect CD of praise music at the time in my life that I felt so empty and useless and not knowing who I was and not knowing what to do with myself.I put the CD in the player and played it for the first time in my car, the first song started to play and I almost had to pull over on the side of the road because it touched me and spoke directly to me and to my heart.It was confirmation from God himself giving me answers because it was if the writer of the song was singing about me and my life.Since then, I have adopted the song as My Theme Song and Testimony and I play it over and over to help me keep my focus.I’d like to share the words with you and I hope it blesses you too.

I don’t remember a time that I have never not known who I was.Even while Steve was in the hospital and then in ICU for all those weeks before his passing, it seemed like all the nurses and staff knew who I was and would greet me and call me by name as I walked through the door each day.Recently, I found myself in an awkward situation sitting at my Dr’s Office filling out the new patient forms.I came to the section where it asks my status and I was to check a box for Married, Separated, Divorced or Single.I sat there looking at each option and thinking to myself, “I am not Divorced, I am Separated until my time comes to go be with the Lord and Steve, Legally and Biblically I am not married, but I don’t consider myself Single either.So Who Am I“?

After loosing Steve I found myself struggling with trying to “Find Myself” again as they used to say in the 1960’s.I am a widow, but in my mind and heart I am not single but still Mrs. Stephen Jones.It took me a few months after his passing that I finally did remove my wedding ring, but after being Mrs. Stephen Jones over 30 years my hand still feels naked and bare and vulnerable.

My search through the past few months has taken me down many roads, some familiar, but most are new and uncharted roads that I don’t know what lies ahead.Will the roadbe smooth traveling or a bumpy ride?God has directed my uncertain paths over and over and been Faithful to me.I have learned that there is no road map for widowhood except God’s Word, his Grace, his Mercy and his Love.

Helen Steiner Rice a famous poet wrote the Poem That Souls May Grow and it says, “May you find comfort in the thought that sorrow, grief and woe are sent into our lives sometimes to help our souls to grow…For through the depths of sorrow comes understanding love, And peace and truth and comfort sent from God above.”

The Lord provided me with the perfect CD of praise music at the time in my life that I felt so empty and useless and not knowing who I was and not knowing what to do with myself.I put the CD in the player and played it for the first time in my car, the first song started to play and I almost had to pull over on the side of the road because it touched me and spoke directly to me and to my heart.It was confirmation from God himself giving me answers because it was if the writer of the song was singing about me and my life.Since then, I have adopted the song as My Theme Song and Testimony and I play it over and over to help me keep my focus.I’d like to share the words with you and I hope it blesses you too.

Many have spoken the quote over and over to me “Time Heals All Wounds” in the past 5-1/2 months since my husband passed away.While the emotional meltdowns are fewer in number, still the empty hole in my heart remains.The feelings of loneliness and missing him so much I don’t know what to do with myself at times is still very real.The pain rears it ugly head each time I come across our Wedding picture or something that brings back one of the wonderful memories of our lives together and I know it will never happen again because he has gone to be with the Lord.The tears still flow but I realize now that I’m not crying for him, he is whole, healthy, happy and dancing around heaven, but they are tears for myself.The tears I shed are because I miss him, I miss the times we spent together, I miss having him to share my heart with, to give me answers to life when I don’t know what to do, someone just to sit next to and hold my hand and tell me everything is going to be ok.

I find myself shedding less tears, but having to fix my gaze more on Jesus and fill my world with His Word and Music of Praise.With each new day, I’ve also finally realized in my mind and heart is a new day God has given me to grow, learn and personally experience my Abba Father.So just as a baby learning to walk, I must learn to take one step at a time.To try to step out of my routine box and experience God’s greatness to the fullest.Each day is my very own New Dawn of Opportunity God is giving to me to embrace and experience.

God has shown himself Faithful over and over day by day to me, just like he promised.He has provided in every way for me and surrounded me with a Godly network of Church Family that is there to go each step of the way with me.I don’t understand why God chose to take my husband home at this time in my life, but I’m learning that my life is not over, a new one is just beginning and that he has a perfect plan for my life already prepared for me.I do have a hope, and that hope is in Jesus Christ.