Monday, April 7, 2014

ALLEZ ALLEZ ALLEZ!

Effective immediately we are retiring our ALIZE bike name and replacing it with NAZARÉ. This is just a name change – your beloved bike will remain exactly the same.This change comes at the behest of a well known bike company. According to their lawyers the ALIZE name was too close to one of their trademarked bike names and, as such, we need to stop using it.

If you don't know who that "well known bike company is," here's a hint: it's Specialized, it thinks it owns any word that is vaguely French-sounding, and also it's Specialized.

(Specialized is also suing the estate of Peter Sellers for his ersatz French accent.)

It would appear that Specialized is using its typical modus operandi, which involves spending all the money you give them for their overpriced plastic shit on lawyers:

We didn't really see it the same way. Both the spelling and meaning are completely different. All our names come from winds (or other water sports references) which is in our heritage. ALIZE is a north-easterly wind found in central Africa and the Caribbean. Any similarity with the name in question, however questionable, was purely coincidental. We are proud of our bikes and our heritage and wouldn't swap it for anyone's.In the end, after months of arguing with lawyers, we were forced to change the name to avoid a protracted and potentially costly legal battle. We prefer to focus on designing great bikes than communicating with lawyers. As such, all ALIZE bikes produced from this spring will carry the name NAZARÉ.

So what do you think when you hear "Alize?" Do you think of Specialized, or it's "Allez" model bicycle? I sure don't. The first think I think of is a sophisticated adult beverage:

Also, by the time you finish reading this sentence, Specialized will have sued TA. Sorry, Specialities TA:

Omigod they have "Special" in their name they're so fucked.

("Now I got this Sinyard guy on my ass. Thanks for nothing, asshole."--President of Specialities TA, as played in the feature film by Gerard Depardieu)

ANYWAY, like most people with a pulse, I am able to distinguish between "Alize" and "Allez," the latter of which is basically the French word for "Go," as you might shout to a Tour de France doper or someone chugging a bottle of Alizé. It's also the model name of a Specialized bicycle, as ridden in "American Flyers:"

It's widely known fact that the Reagan administration worked closely with Hollywood to undermine subcultures by making them appear ridiculous in feature films. "American Flyers," "Rad," and "Quicksilver"--all released within a remarkable two-year period--took devastating aim at the various factions of cycling. Meanwhile, the nascent hip-hop culture received similar treatment via the film "Breakin'," and Reagan's final act of executive film propaganda was the greenlighting of the skateboarding film "Gleaming the Cube," which was released just as he was leaving office.

It would be years before any of these movements exhibited so much as a glimmer of recovery.

Since reading about this latest Specialized cock-block I've been redlining my admittedly small-displacement brain in order to envision a realistic scenario in which someone shopping for a Specialized Allez might unwittingly wind up with a Neal Pryde Alize, and I have yet to come up with one. It seems to me the hapless Specialized customer would have a much bigger chance of inadvertently stumbling into casual coitus, to wit:

LBS EMPLOYEE: "Hi, welcome to Fred Cycles, may I help you?"

FRED: "Yeah, I'm interested in an Allez. I read about it in 'Bicycling.' They said it has the ride quality of a bike costing thousands more."

LBS EMPLOYEE: "Yeah, they say that about every bike. So wait, which one again?"

If this has happened to you too, please join my class action sexual harassment suit against Specialized bicycles. With therapy, I've been coming to terms with my own experience, but I think a large cash settlement would really help me turn the corner.

By the way, there was a scene very similar to the one above in "American Flyers," but it wound up on the cutting room floor.

I wish I could say that this latest Specialized incident has given me the final push I need to complete Project Faggin, but I'm ashamed to admit I haven't even started it yet:

This is because: 1) I'm lazy; 2) I'm cheap; 3) I'm lazy; 4) I'm forgetful; and 6) I'm still basking in the afterglow of the Son of Scat project, which was an unmitigated success.

Eh, stop hiring lawyers and instead spend some money on a PR weasel or, I don't know, open a Twitter account. Fighting a C&D against Specialized in the dark is bound to be Pyrrhic if it is even successful. Dinging their image openly is perhaps the only way to get them to stop being such bastards.

So _that's_ what the real Alizé is.....looks like a dressed up cousin of Boone's Farm! As it is extolled in so many raps, I figured it'd be a little classier looking than Night Train or Thunderbird. Just another bum wine.

Does Neil Pryde make "custom 'string' membrane frames in Carbon, Aramid and Aramid/Carbon blends, race ready with all the bells and whistles"? Has Specialized started making sails? Great opportunities for litigation in that market.

Good for Son of Scat. Ive recently been pissing off the local MTB-ers with my own Franken-Klunker (known as Sue). "He doesnt even have the appropriate bike to be out here on this downhill single track!" Tell that to Gary Fisher...

Harley Davidson has a motorcycle named FATBOY that is trademarked since 1990. Specialized has a mounatin bike named fatboy new this year that infringes on that trademark. Specialized needs a bit of their own medicine, Methinks.

Oh. Yeah. That Roubaix. Specialized, not Fuji. Bought one. Year later I bought something else. Roubaix had the shittiest crankset I've ever experienced. Worn out before the tires. Strongly okay as a bike. Think the Specialized motto is "cheat every customer once."

Top 31. Funny, I was just proudly wearing my Cafe Roubaix tee shirt yesterday. Can we all agree to never ever buy another Specialized product? I hope Mike Sinyard gets anally rapped and does not get a reach-around. Fucking asshole.

Specialized? I still ride my 1994 Allez port, with Rx 100 downtube shifters & triple crank. I neglected it for years after I bought my Fred bike..I noticed all the other racers had STI etc. Great product, but spiteful, a devil-bike. I would ride it when the Fred bike was broken & I was waiting for parts...then hurt myself riding it...seperated shoulders 1995...subdural hematoma 2001....compartment syndrome & fascuiotomy 2006...now i commute on it & it doesn't try to hurt me

On behalf of our clients, Specialized Bicycles Inc., we order you to cease and desist the use of the name "BikeSnobNYC", as while consuming crack cocaine and sustaining a head injury, it sounds exactly like "Venge" and thus confuses our customers. Failure to comply will cause us to dispatch associates from New Jersey to fuck you up.Sincerely,

On behalf of our clients, Specialized Bicycles Inc., we order you to cease and desist the use of the name "Le Douche", as it sounds exactly like what is screamed out of car windows to our Venge customers. Failure to comply will cause us to rub your body with honey and tie you to an ant hill near Scottsdale AZ. (not to be confused with Scott Bicycles).Sincerely,

On behalf of our clients, Portia De Rossi and Ellen Degeneres, we order you to cease and desist the use of the name "Allez", as it sounds exactly like what is screamed out of car windows to our clients, as in , "look kids, it's a lez". Failure to comply will cause us forcibly enrol your executives in Gay-lesbian-amputee-disabled-veteran-ADHD-minority sensitivity training and require you to start producing SPD compatible Crocs.

eh, though the crank set on your Roubaix would be Shimano, no? so not sure you can blame Specialized for that....

also, not sure about the others' comments, but cmon, it's not really fair/true to say Specialized make shitty bikes...more or less the same as all the other big manufacturers', no?

These idiotic lawsuits reveal every time how these companies think....it's not about the bikes themselves (since they're basically the same)...it's about marketing and name recognition and ultimately market share.

Reminds me of George Lucas's lawyer threatening to sue Mad magazine for libeling Starwars. Mad's editor replied by sending a copy of a fan letter Lucas had sent, praising the Starwars lampoon, and attaching the note, "HE likes it!" There was no lawsuit.Another french word for go is 'Marche', that was shortened by Arctic dogsled drivers to 'Mush'.

The Faggin colorway is a-ok! It's from a place in time that colourway made a teeeny tiny bit of sense next to other undesirable colours. Kind of like 1970 and 'harvest gold' kitchen appliances and brown living rooms.

My recollection is the bike was steep and short. Not a very comfortable bike to ride. I could be wrong.

The Specialized motto is "cheat every customer once and sue anyone in the bike business that has less money than we do."

I'd also imagine all the big brands are more or less the same in terms of reliability, though I will point out that the only frame failures I have ever experienced have been with Specialized bicycles. Both were highly gimmicky frames though, so maybe we could say they push the envelope harder than most in terms of marketing.

Specialized uses cranks branded as such on some bikes, and it's not hard to believe they'd be sub-par.

not sure about the others' comments, but cmon, it's not really fair/true to say Specialized make shitty bikes.

No, but it is fair to say that their bikes are no better than any other Chinese-manufactured bikes with US sales marketing teams. Thus, when one decides from which company to buy a frame of imperceptible difference, I would go with the company that doesn't kill local labor so they can spend that saved money on bullshit ads and mouthpieces that behave like douches.

cmon, it's not really fair/true to say Specialized make shitty bikes...more or less the same as all the other big manufacturers', no?

Newsflash, they don't make bikes. Merida makes some of their bikes (and owns the majority of Sinyard's litigation factory) and the rest are OEM orders from the same OEM's the rest of the industry uses.

What IS bad about Specialized:-High prices for average product.-Litigates and steals from the rest of the smaller companies in the industry.-Vertical retail model.

I take that back. The vibrator had a small DC motor. Hers was USB rechargeable which made for some awkward downtime. Or more time for me to fortify my buzz with Sangria and cocaine. She was actually pretty cute. Won Saginaw County Ms. Most Pretty in the Face in 2008.

Aye, aye, aye, I know... I don't disagree about Specialized being a shitty company, or that the major bikes are all made by the same two guys in Dalian (Fang and his brother, who is also named Fang)...my point is that they're the same bikes AND, cynicism front and center, this is American capitalism, by and large, and Specialized is just the worst/best at it.

Yes, there are other companies, smaller, indies, etc.... but I'm just oh so bored when someone rails and rails about Specialized and then rides a...Cannondale, Giant, Trek. Yeah, I know, I know, but I'd say 95% of the bikes on Route 9 any weekend are majors.

Commentatorbot:My Faggin Campione del Mondo is a short steep and quick steering. Mine is in a manly red colorway. I'm not against pink, like Babble says, major minor and in between. Less Filling. Tastes Great.

Congratulations Mr. Rockmachine, you've fallen for their guerrilla marketing campaign. How many people have heard of Neil Pryde bikes as of today? Probably more than double the number who knew about them last week. I still haven't figured out how Special--Ed benefits, but what one of the countless defendants of Special--Ed lawsuits hasn't benefited immensely from the ensuing publicity?

My buddies started a business named Guitar Centaur, with the idea of deliberately provoking Guitar Center for the sake of the publicity. Not sure how much they got out of it but they're still in business -- now known as Centaur Guitar.

Slow news day and no fly6 pics from the weekend mean it's time to take another run at the big bad bike machine with money to waste on trademark infringement that really means nothing to me, or you, or ewe, or U, or ewww, or youse, or yinz, or ya'll

Krakow, To state the obvious, I don't think people are railing on Specialized so much for their bikes but more for how cut throat they are in defending their territory even if it involves bringing ridiculous baseless lawsuits to basically threaten to bankrupt much smaller competitors if they dare to use any letter of the alphabet to name their products, because Specialized apparently have sole exclusive use of the alphabet and all words.

Je sais, je sais. No need to mansplain what the discussion is. :) People were in fact saying, "Specialized bikes are shit." Really, yeah, I don't care. But I need to write 200 more words about this or Sinyard won't let me out of the hole. I've put enough lotion on as it is...jeez.

NP is a largish Hongkong sport conglomerate with a long history in sail manufacture, at least one OEM deal on yachts (Beneteau) and a big presence in sailboarding. They also make wetsuits and other crap and have a worldwide distribution network. I'm sure they source everything they sell in the Far East, so maybe bikes were a natural outgrowth.

"Another Bike Brand?My inner skeptic wanted to know what makes NeilPryde different from the guys who buy an Asian bike design and some decals and poof – start a new bike brand, so I started by asking Mike Pryde (who heads up the bike division of the company that bears his dad’s name) some questions."

1) Specialized should get a life2) I think there is a however3) Going after a little one man shop in the Canadian Rockies for naming a bike shop Cafe Roubaix is 4) very different TO ME than going after an international company that plays in the same mass production game as Specialized, for naming a plastic bike fairly similar to the long established trademarked name of Special-Eds plastic bike

My cycleen pal bought a Roubaix. 2k+. I would be coasting down hills and he would be peddalin tryin to keeo up. We ditched the "grindy" hoops and got him some Shim R500's and its night and day. On a $2k+ beik. Thats ridiculous.

Similar story. I went in to a shop hoping to buy Specialized's premium carbon road bike with aggressive race geometry and class-leading weight, but ended up with a garden full of bituminous surface treatment. Tarmac my arse (that isn't a request).

I sent Mike Sinyard an email asking WTF, and this was his reply (BS?): Here are the facts—in July 2013 we reached out to NeilPryde Bikes to figure out a solution on a bike name that was similar to one of ours, Allez, in addition to their use of the trademarks “Epic” and “Innovate or Die”. We were able to agree on a solution in December. The NeilPryde crew worked with us on this solution. This has been a closed issue since we reached that decision in December.

I will say right off that I am attorney - I am a patent atty, but I dabble in trademarks. I am not an expert in trademark law, but I have more than a passing familiarity.

So, I have no idea how Special Ed was able to trademark ALLEZ. It's merely a French word and it has long been associated with cycling. People standing by the side of the road shouting "allez, allez, allez". The TM should never have been granted and it seems to me to be an example of a broken TM examination system. Anyone with a passing knowledge of cycling is aware of the prior public use and its long-term association with cycling. The TM should never have been granted. Are there any actual TM attys in this here commentariat who can weigh in on this?

The granting of the ROUBAIX trademark is, in my opinion, even more egregious, but that's a different story for a different day.

secrets ltobled (the sacred name of LOB is hidden in today's Captcha. Repent now, sinner!)

The reality of business today is that most big companies don't make anything anymore. It is all subcontracted out to suppliers. From shoes to bikes to electronics. The value to a company is in it's BRAND or IMAGE and no longer in its PRODUCT. Just look at the government. Its purpose used to be to provide services. Now it's just a way to make sure the services get provided. After the finacial collapse the government admitted it didn't have the ability to administer the bailout money. So it was contracted out to... the very banks getting said money. Crazy.

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!