A World of Innovation
– Close to Home
Dow and Dow Corning. Two technology leaders with a legacy of developing
solutions to challenges facing our world. As we forge our future together, we will
build on shared elements that have always defined us: a passion for innovation, a
focus on safety and a commitment to community.
We have accomplished so much separately. Imagine all we can do together.
For our world. For our communities.

14
SILICON

28.086

SEPTEMBER–NOVEMBER 2016

FEATURES

6 Take the Stress Out of Mornings
40 Developmental Assets:
14 The
Boundaries and Expectations
16 Restorative Justice at Home
to Talk to Your Teen
20 How
About Consent
23 The Truth About Marijuana
IN EVERY ISSUE

2 From the Director
5 The Kitchen Table
10 Faces in the Crowd
11 40 Developmental Assets
12 Assets in Action
18 Q&A and By the Numbers
PRINTED BY

The Midland-based Community Alliance 4 Youth Success
is dedicated to preventing teen substance abuse.
The Alliance has adopted the Developmental Assets
Framework as the foundation for its prevention efforts.
Preventing alcohol, marijuana, and other drug use is
no easy task, but the Alliance has demonstrated that
when all sectors of the community come together, social
change happens.

ABOUT THE
LEGACY CENTER
The Legacy Center for Community Success was
established in 2004 to identify outside-the-classroom
barriers to learning and development and collaborate
with other organizations to provide interventions
that allow children, youth, and families to flourish and
thrive. Below are the Center’s program areas:
LITERACY SERVICES: One-on-one tutoring in reading,
spelling, math, and English as a Second Language
enables people of all ages to reach their full potential.
MEASUREMENT AND EVALUATION SERVICES: Since
its inception, the Center has helped local nonprofit
organizations establish outcomes and evaluate their
programs to determine whether and to what extent
the program is effective in achieving its objectives.
The results derived from these projects allow our
partners to make program adjustments, retain or
increase funding, assess community impact, engage
collaborators, and gain favorable public recognition.
YOUTH DEVELOPMENT: We support initiatives and
programs that ensure area youth excel and become
productive members of society. The Center has adopted
the concept of Developmental Assets, which immunizes
youth against risk-taking behaviors. We also coordinate
the activities of the Community Alliance 4 Youth
Success, a group of local community leaders who are
dedicated to preventing teen substance abuse.

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f you’re like me, you’re not ready for
summer to be over. But we can’t do
anything about that, so focused our
efforts on creating a great back-toschool issue that we hope will help you
ease back into your fall schedule.
I just love our feature article! There is
no magic wand to guarantee a smooth
transition from summertime freedom to
classroom structure, but we can help kids
start off the school year successfully by
JENNIFER
HERONEMA
preparing them for the changes ahead.
A few weeks ago, we surveyed parents
to determine their perspectives about youth risk-taking behaviors
and their knowledge of Developmental Assets. Early results
indicate that approximately 40 percent of parents who took
the survey were not familiar with Developmental Assets. So, it
appears we have work to do!
Developmental Assets have always been highlighted in the
magazine through pictures (Assets in Action, pages 12-13), but
we’ve decided to ramp it up a bit. Starting with this issue, we will
highlight one of the asset categories (Support, Empowerment,
Boundaries & Expectations, Constructive Use of Time, Commitment
to Learning, Positive Values, Social Competencies and Positive
Identity) in each of the next eight issues. Developmental Assets
are important, and scientifically proven, to help kids develop into
healthy, caring and responsible adults. I hope you’ll read and refer
to these articles often, as our kids are too important to disregard
practices that are demonstrated to work.
Speaking of ideas that have worked, we’ve dedicated this
issue’s “Confessions From the Kitchen Table” article to advice
from moms. I find that some of my best advice comes from those
in the trenches. I hope you’ll find something helpful that you can
use to make your life easier.
Another article I’m excited about is the one on restorative
justice. It seems we get so caught up in making everything right
for our kids that we forget that they need to learn important
lessons that allow them to grow up and make wise and healthy
choices. Restorative justice teaches them that their actions have
consequences, without using punishment.
Wishing you a fun and successful school year!

STAY WITH THAT PERSON
LISTEN, REALLY LISTEN
GET THEM TO HELP OR CALL SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP
NEVER KEEP A SECRET ABOUT SUICIDE.
IT IS BETTER TO LOSE A FRIEND THAN FOR A FRIEND
TO LOSE THEIR LIFE.

{

www.cmhcm.org ∙ 800.317.0708

猀欀椀氀氀攀搀 琀爀愀搀攀猀 琀爀愀椀渀椀渀最 䈀唀䤀䰀䐀䤀一䜀
琀栀攀 最爀攀愀琀 氀愀欀攀猀 戀愀礀 爀攀最椀漀渀

最洀挀愀⸀攀搀甀
最洀挀愀挀愀搀攀洀礀⸀漀爀最

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e thought we’d assemble some
pointers from moms. Hopefully
someone else’s experience can
make life easier for all those
involved. We received a lot of good advice
and weren’t able to include everything.
LET KIDS RECHARGE
It took my husband and I several years to
discover that our son shuts down when he gets
overstimulated. After a full day of classroom
activities, recess, and social interactions, he
needs some quiet time to recharge. The first
year of school was a struggle because we’d
always be excited to hear about his day when
we picked him up. His short responses and
lack of eye contact were perceived as rude and
disrespectful. However, after we learned more
about his personality, we discovered that, if
given 30 minutes after school to have a snack
by himself, he would recharge his batteries
and be ready to reengage with the family.
While we had to discuss with him that it is not
ok to blatantly ignore someone when they are
talking to you, it is ok to say you need a few
minutes by yourself before being ready to have
a discussion.
NO MORE FIGHTS
I got tired of my girls always fighting and
yelling “shotgun!” to see who could sit in the
front seat, only to continue to argue after
we got in the car. I started a rule that the
child who was born on the even day (28th)
would ride in the front on even days, and the

child with the birthdate on an odd day (13th)
would ride up front on odd days. There was
never a fight again. If your children are both
born on even or odd days, the rule could be
first born gets odd days, and second born
gets even days. If there are more than two
children, I would recommend a chart. (This
is for children who are old enough to ride in
the front seat safely.)
RELAX!
Enjoy your kids being kids because they aren’t
that way for long. Many parents spend time
making sure everything is a lesson and all the
rules they found on Pinterest are strictly being
followed. They miss out on a lot of fun and
also teach their kids to be uptight and stressed
out. Kids do need rules and structure, but it
is ok to occasionally bend those rules. One
rainy day Derek and I had nothing to do, and
I was at a loss at how to keep him entertained
without driving me crazy, so I decided the day
would be “breaking the rules day.” We stayed
in pajamas all day, watched too much tv, ate
junk food, didn’t worry about the laundry, or
that his room was messy. We cuddled, laughed
every time we “broke a rule,” made cookies
together, played games, etc. It was one-and-ahalf years ago, and he still talks about it.
LISTEN
When we are busy, we seldom take time to
actually hear what is being said. If you’re
not listening, you are not giving good advice.
I always made a point to listen, let my kids

vent, not judge them for how they felt, then
bring reality and advice, a hug or whatever
was needed.
Teenage girls always need to talk to their
moms. It’s usually at bedtime and often a
crisis of gargantuan proportion, at least to
them. Before dismissing their concerns,
remember what it was like to be their age and
be grateful they still want to talk, no matter
what the hour.
TIME, NOT TREATS
Don’t reward with food. Reward with praise,
smiles, and activities. To this day I still
associate food with good or bad actions. My
mom used to say, “If you do this, we can go for
ice cream.”
KEEP IT REAL
I have found one of the most useful tools is the
ENFORCEABLE STATEMENT. Examples of
UNenforceable statements might be, “You’d
better brush your teeth or you will never
get dessert again!” or “Clean your room this
instant!” In the end we just end up teaching
our kids that our words mean nothing, when
we cannot follow up on an unenforceable
limit we set. Instead, I describe what I will
do or allow: “I’m happy to help people with
homework when I feel like I am treated with
respect” or “I’ll be happy to drive you to
soccer practice as soon as your room is clean.”
Enforceable statements are not bribes. They
are simply a statement of what we are willing
to do or allow. ■

YOU CAN SUBMIT YOUR STORY AT: jheronema@tlc4cs.org
For many of us the kitchen table represents the typical family experience. We have laughed while having family game night. We have cried over our children’s
choices. We have blown out the candles on many cakes. We have argued our way out of doing the dishes. We have struggled through those “three more bites.”
We have learned hard lessons and celebrated many deserved successes. One thing is for sure though – if our kitchen tables could talk, there would be plenty of
stories! So often it is in relating to others’ stories that we realize there isn’t always one answer, or even a right answer. Parenting is hard work! If you have a story
of lessons learned, we invite you to share it with our readers. Sometimes, knowing we aren’t the only ones struggling to find the answer is all the help we need.

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5

take the stress out

MORNIN
By KATIE HARLOW, LCSW, Clinical Supervisor

6

Septemberâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;November 2016

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of

NGS

Now that summer
is officially over,
many parents find
themselves settling
into the structure and
dependability of the
school year while also
being unsure of how to
help kids continue to
transition smoothly
back to the school
year routine.
ids also experience a mix of
emotions and can be caught in
a state of uncertainty during
this time; needing the comfort
of structure yet struggling to adjust to the
day-to-day routine. Children with academic
or mental health struggles such as anxiety
related to academic performance or peer
relationships may even dread returning to the
environment that increases their discomfort.
We know that structure and routine
are important because they bring a sense
of safety and dependability to our lives
and solve for a common fear: that of the
unknown. Developmentally appropriate
structure allows children to learn to
constructively regulate and manage their
emotions and behaviors. Which is to say
that structure should grow and change as
children grow and change to best support
their development. A return to the school
year also means a decrease in freedom that
is often given during the summer and an
increase in rules, expectations, and adult
control over childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s lives. Teens especially
tend to constantly be on the prowl for more
freedom, and more opportunities to control
their lives and environments. This time of
life looks different child by child and family
by family.
In an ideal world, changes such as these
would happen seamlessly, but here in the
real world we know it often doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t. As much
as people crave the dependability of routine
we tend to also be resistant to change, which
can make for some frustrating and stressful
mornings trying to get kids out the door and
to school on time. Feeling this stress might
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7

Orientation
& Studio Training










Discover how to shoot,
edit, produce and direct
a TV show, and have fun!
Second Saturday
September 10 or October 8
10:00am–1:00pm, $45.
Must be 12 years or older.

Call 837-3474 • www.cityofmidlandmi.gov/mctv

Join the famous names in

STEM
With your donation of $50 or more to the Central Park Elementary
School STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math) playground,
your name will be permanently added to the “Famous Names in STEM”
donor wall.
Be a part of history! Donate online at:

www.midlandfoundation.org
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continued from page 7

lead to yelling at our kids or
constantly prompting them
to “Hurry up!” This creates
a negative start to the day as
everyone leaves the house
feeling hurried and frustrated,
plus these kind of mornings
usually follow up with a nice
side of parental guilt.
Rather than starting
mornings off this way, wouldn’t
it be nice for both parents and
children to start the day calm,
organized and on time? Sound
too good to be true? There is
no magic wand to guarantee
there will never be another
rushed or frustrated morning,
but we can help kids start their
school year off successfully by
identifying where they need
help implementing structure
and routine, and by preparing
them for the changes.
Begin by thinking about each
child and what is usually the
hang up for getting them out the
door smoothly each morning.
Are they slow to wake up, so end
up running late each day, or do
they run around the house trying
to gather their belongings or
practice gear so they are ready
for the day? Identifying where
they struggle to be prepared will
help support their growth and
development in becoming more
independent and having more
successful mornings.
If a child struggles to wake
up and get going in the morning,
try setting multiple alarms so
that he or she is able to gradually
wake up with the final alarm
giving a cushion of time to get
ready and out the door on time.
Include them in this plan so
they are able to participate in
identifying what will work for
them and learn these skills to
use as they grow older.
If they never seems to know
where their clothes, shoes,
homework, lunch, and other
items are in the mornings then
think about helping them learn
organizational skills. This can

be as simple as a younger child
planning their clothing the
night before, or more complex
like teaching a teen to utilize
technology in a beneficial
manner; using the calendar
features on their phone for
example. These are all small
tools to help children succeed.
Teaching these skills in age
appropriate ways will help
kids build independence and a
mastery of new skills. This also
builds feelings of competence
in children and supports their

getting back to school. If left
unaddressed, negative emotions
about school may come out
as frustration or resistance to
attending school in the morning,
and let’s be honest, that is the
least likely time that we can stop
what we are doing to help them
process their emotions! Having
these conversations ahead
of time might provide some
valuable information about the
child. Do they dislike their new
teacher? Dread having to take
a certain class or see a certain

Begin by thinking about each
child and what is usually the
hang up for getting them out the
door smoothly each morning.
Identifying where they struggle
to be prepared will help support
their growth and development in
becoming more independent and
having more successful mornings.
growth and development
towards increased independence
as they grow older.
Beginning to build in routines
such as getting backpacks ready
or making lunches the night
before will help mornings to
feel less harried and rushed
by eliminating the inevitable
search of the house for a lost
shoe or homework folder. By
gradually and consistently
building in these tasks or
increasing their complexity,
they will become routine, which
will greatly reduce the potential
for power struggles within
parent-child relationships as
these become just normal things
that the family does each day.
Have a discussion with the
child about their feelings around

person each day? Scared to be
away from mom or dad all day?
This allows the opportunity
to validate their feelings and
potentially problem solve
with them.
This can also be a great time
to normalize feelings of worry
they may have; it is natural and
healthy to have anxiety about
new experiences. Creating
connecting moments when
emotions are not running high
help to create a sense of safety
for children, as well as reinforce
that mom or dad are a positive
support and can also be turned
to when they are struggling.
As the school year progresses,
conversations can naturally
transition to talking about their
day. Ask specific questions that

can’t be answered with a blanket
“fine” or “good” such as, “who
did you eat lunch with today” or
“what was the best and/or worst
part of your day?”
We also need to consider our
own emotions about the return
to school. Do we have feelings
of apprehension or worry for
our child’s transition? If so
remember that our children
pick up on what we feel and
how we manage our emotions
and behaviors. Being able to
acknowledge emotions such as
anxiety or frustration and then
regulate ourselves using healthy
coping skills- such as deep
breathing or taking a five minute
break shows kids that we can
experience difficult emotions
and be okay with them. These
skills benefit both of children
and parents; it is vital that we
are able to care for our own
needs as well as teach these
important skills to our children.
Finally, keep in mind that
no matter how prepared things
are, there will be days that don’t
go as planned; days where the
alarm doesn’t go off or someone
is missing a shoe; days where
patience is running thin and
we yell or hurry the kids out
the door, and everyone leaves
the house looking like thunder
clouds. No one is a perfect
parent. View days like this as
opportunities to teach children
about repair. Sit down with
them that evening and talk
about what didn’t go well that
morning, and own up to our part
in the breakdown.
Teaching our children that
we also make mistakes and
we can take accountability for
our mistakes is an extremely
valuable lesson. Engaging them
in problem solving and what
can be done differently in the
future by everyone in the house
will create a sense of connection
and reinforce that there is not
an expectation for them to be
perfect kids. ! ■

Katie Harlow is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker who currently serves as a Clinical Supervisor of School Based Services for Intermountain.
Katie provides clinical leadership and oversight to teams of mental health professionals who provide therapeutic services in public school settings.

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9

Check out who’s standing
out in our community.
IS THERE SOMEONE YOU’D LIKE TO NOMINATE?
Please visit our website http://tlc4cs.org/faces-in-the-crowd/
and tell us why this individual has stood out in your crowd.

Cole Johnston

FACES
IN THE CROWD

BULLOCK CREEK MIDDLE SCHOOL, 8TH GRADE

Cole is an honor roll student at Bullock Creek Middle School, and he works hard to remain on the honor roll. According
to his teachers, he is a wonderful student to have in class. His favorite subjects are math and history, but he does
well in all subject areas. Cole is a good example for others because he works hard at school and at home. He helps his
family with chores on their livestock farm. Cole has won several awards at various livestock expos and has traveled to
other states to show and sell his steer. After school, he would like to pursue a degree in agriculture and own a farm of
his own.

Lillian Pressnell

HERBERT HENRY DOW HIGH SCHOOL, 9TH GRADE

Lillian was a student leader at Jefferson Middle School for the last three years. She was involved in academics, athletics,
and student leadership. Lillian has participated in many sports at Jefferson and was the student council president last
year. She is passionate about helping others, whether at school or in the community. As a student leader, she helped
run assemblies and announcements over the school public address system. Lillian represents all the characteristics of
a quality student and is always striving to do more. We’re certain that her leadership will continue throughout her high
school career. Thank you, Lillian, for giving back to the students and staff at Jefferson Middle School.

Austin Cochran

MIDLAND HIGH SCHOOL, 12TH GRADE

Austin is a well-rounded student who excels in academics, music, sports and leadership activities. He is the trumpet
section leader of the Symphonic Band and a Varsity Soccer Team Captain. He has won awards in Business Professionals
of America, Science Olympiad, and the Nickless Innovation Award Competition and participates in the MHS
Programming Club. As if this isn’t enough to keep him busy, Austin also gives back to his community through youth
organizations. He is president of the Midland County Youth Action Council and the Midland County Youth Leadership
steering committee, and he participates in his church youth group. Good luck in your senior year, Austin!

Valerie Gerhart

CAREER AND COLLEGE ACCESS NETWORK, COORDINATOR

Val assumed this position in 2014, after spending 33 years working in education. Her enthusiasm and tireless energy
have resulted in new initiatives helping all students enroll and complete post-secondary training, whether a technical
skill or a traditional four-year degree. With a special focus on first-generation and low-income students, Midland
County is off to a great start with college advisors in the local high schools, FAFSA completion workshops, college
application weeks, college visits, and more. While the Midland County CCAN utilizes a collective impact model, it takes
an exceptional leader to move things forward, and Val provides just that kind of leadership.

Midland Community Center

ORGANIZATION

The Midland Community Center was founded Jan. 14, 1919, in conjunction with the very first bowling
alley in Midland. The center quickly became a trend-setter, and other sports and pastimes were
gradually introduced to the community, including basketball, handball, volleyball, table tennis,
archery, tennis, and softball. Fast forward nearly 100 years, and you’ll find that the center has
become one of the premier wellness and recreation centers in the Great Lakes Bay Region. The
center recently wrapped up another summer of half-day, full-day and residence camps - serving
more than 2,000 children. The fall program schedule is available at www.greatermidland.org.

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Explore science and art together as a family!

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Become a Midland Mentor!

We are seeking volunteers for our Midland Mentors
program at the Juvenile Care Center. As few as two
hours a week can make a huge difference in a teen’s
life. No experience necessary. Training provided.

40 DEVELOPMENTAL ASSETS

FAmily DiScovEry DAyS

40 Developmental Assets are
essential qualities of life that help
young people thrive, do well in
school, and avoid risky behavior.
Youth Connections utilizes
the 40 Developmental Assets
Framework to guide the work
we do in promoting positive
youth development. The 40
Assets model was developed by
the Minneapolis-based Search
Institute based on extensive
research. Just as we are coached
to diversify our financial assets
so that all our eggs are not in
one basket, the strength that the
40 Assets model can build in our
youth comes through diversity.
In a nutshell, the more of the 40
Assets youth possess, the more
likely they are to exhibit positive
behaviors and attitudes (such as
good health and school success)
and the less likely they are to
exhibit risky behaviors (such as
drug use and promiscuity). It’s that
simple: if we want to empower
and protect our children, building
the 40 Assets in our youth is a
great way to start.
Look over the list of Assets
on the following page and think
about what Assets may be lacking
in our community and what Assets
you can help build in our young
people. Do what you can do with
the knowledge that even through
helping build one asset in one child,
you are increasing the chances
that child will grow up safe and
successful. Through our combined
efforts, our community will continue
to be a place where great kids make
great communities.

1. Family support: Family life provides high levels of love
and support.
2. Positive family communication: Young person and her
or his parent(s) communicate positively, and young
person is willing to seek advice and counsel from
parent(s).
3. Other adult relationships: Young person receives
support from three or more nonparent adults.
4. Caring neighborhood: Young person experiences caring
neighbors.
5. Caring school climate: School provides a caring,
encouraging environment.
6. Parent involvement in school: Parent(s) are actively
involved in helping young person succeed in school.

7. Community values youth: Young person perceives that
adults in the community value youth.
8. Youth as resources: Young people are given useful
roles in the community.
9. Service to others: Young person serves in the
community one hour or more per week.
10. Safety: Young person feels safe at home, at school, and
in the neighborhood.

BOUNDARIES & EXPECTATIONS

More than 100 youth attend
a summer pool party
Siblings raise money to
send foster kids to camp

Dow High football players support local youth football program

11. Family boundaries: Family has clear rules and
consequences and monitors the young person’s
whereabouts.
12. School boundaries: School provides clear rules and
consequences.
13. Neighborhood boundaries: Neighbors take
responsibility for monitoring young people’s behavior.
14. Adult role models: Parent(s) and other adults model
positive, responsible behavior.
15. Positive peer influence: Young person’s best friends
model responsible behavior.
16. High expectations: Both parent(s) and teachers
encourage the young person to do well.

CONSTRUCTIVE USE OF TIME

17. Creative activities: Young person spends three or more
hours per week in lessons or practice in music, theater,
or other arts.
18. Youth programs: Young person spends three or more
hours per week in sports, clubs, or organizations at
school and/or in the community.
19. Religious community: Young person spends one
or more hours per week in activities in a religious
institution.
20. Time at home: Young person is out with friends “with
nothing special to do” two or fewer nights per week.

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If you or your child would like to submit a picture that represents one of the 40 Developmental Assets, please submit the
information through http://tlc4cs.org/assets-in-action/ with a picture and the number of the asset the picture represents.

Not all pictures are
guaranteed publication.

26
Kids learn to share grief as a way to heal

COMMITMENT TO LEARNING

21. Achievement motivation: Young person is
motivated to do well in school.
22. School engagement: Young person is actively
engaged in learning.
23. Homework: Young person reports doing at least
one hour of homework every school day.
24. Bonding to school: Young person cares about her
or his school.
25. Reading for pleasure: Young person reads for
pleasure three or more hours per week.

POSITIVE VALUES

26. Caring: Young person places high value on
helping other people.
27. Equality and social justice: Young person places
high value on promoting equality and reducing
hunger and poverty.
28. Integrity: Young person acts on convictions and
stands up for her or his beliefs.
29. Honesty: Young person “tells the truth even
when it is not easy.”
30. Responsibility: Young person accepts and takes
personal responsibility.
31. Restraint: Young person believes it is important
not to be sexually active or to use alcohol or
other drugs.

SOCIAL COMPETENCIES

32. Planning and decision making: Young person
knows how to plan ahead and make choices.
33. Interpersonal competence: Young person has
empathy, sensitivity, and friendship skills.
34. Cultural competence: Young person has
knowledge of and comfort with people of
different cultural/racial/ethnic backgrounds.
35. Resistance skills: Young person can resist
negative peer pressure and dangerous situations.
36. Peaceful conflict resolution: Young person seeks
to resolve conflict nonviolently.

32

25

A graduate of the Midland Chamber’s
Young Entrepreneur’s Academy
A library volunteer paints
faces and encourages reading

40

POSITIVE IDENTITY

37. Personal power: Young person feels he or she
has control over “things that happen to me.”
38. Self-esteem: Young person reports having a high
self-esteem.
39. Sense of purpose: Young person reports that “my
life has a purpose.”
40. Positive view of personal future: Young person is
optimistic about her or his personal future.

10th graders go to college for Career Exploration Day

www.tlc4cs.org

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YC MAGAZINE

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September–November 2016

13

40
THE

DEVELOPMENTAL
ASSETS

boundaries and
EXPECTATIONS
By KELLY ACKERMAN, Parent Educator

14

Septemberâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;November 2016

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YC MAGAZINE

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www.tlc4cs.org

YC Magazine highlights 40 Developmental Assets in each issue.
These assets are evidence-based to positively contribute to the
development of children across their lifespan.
esearch clearly shows that the
more assets a young person has, the
less likely they are to participate
in risk-taking behaviors during
adolescence including drug and alcohol use,
violence, illicit drug use, and sexual activity.
Sadly, the average young person has less
than half of these assets according to Search
Institute. This article is the first in a series
to highlight the eight categories of assets in
order to more fully engage families, schools,
agencies, businesses, and community
members in ensuring our children
experience as many assets as possible.
BOUNDARIES AND EXPECTATIONS
This developmental asset consists of the
following six aspects:
1. FAMILY BOUNDARIES
2. SCHOOL BOUNDARIES
3. NEIGHBORHOOD BOUNDARIES
4. ADULT ROLE MODELS
5. POSITIVE PEER INFLUENCE
6. HIGH EXPECTATIONS
As community members, we all have a role
to play in setting boundaries and expectations
within our community for young people.
As the old adage states, “It takes a village.”
Research clearly evidences that children
and adolescents thrive within the context of
clear boundaries and expectations. However,
it is also necessary for consistent and clear
consequences to be established especially
within the home and school. Control is not at
the crux of this issue, as giving kids control
over things that have little consequence
or that allow them to make mistakes and
experience consequences is part of their
healthy development. However, asserting
discipline in a consistent, clear, and warm
fashion when boundaries have been severed
is the basis for preparing children to become
accountable and responsible contributing
members of society.

Many studies have shown that kids who
have this predictability of expectations and
discipline at home and at school participate in
less risk taking behaviors during adolescence
than those kids whose home and school
environments are erratic or unpredictable.
In addition, knowing who kids are with, what
they are doing and where they will be are all
important for communicating that the adults
in their lives care about them. Taking the
time to know children’s peers personally
while showing an interest in what they are
doing, where they are doing it, and how
long they will be doing it models a healthy
demonstration of adult-child relationships.
It also allows promotion of positive peer
influence which over time becomes as or
more important than parental influence.
Adults who insist on getting to know
their children’s friends have great influence
over who spends time with their children
as well as provides a positive influence
as a role model to those same peers.
Though adolescence is a time for identity
seeking and allowing for time and distance
between parents and children is necessary,
relationship and limits continue to remain
an essential building block on the road to
successful growth and development.
Although many of the boundaries and
discipline occur in the contexts of home and
school, it is also necessary for “neighbors”
to be involved in monitoring young people.
Children are not always within the confines
of home and school where parents, teachers
and administrators are watching over
them. It is neighbors and adults who are
willing to acknowledge young people with a
warm greeting who communicate that the
community is a safe and friendly place to be.
In addition, taking a stand and asserting
authority when children are getting out
of control or instigating trouble within
the neighborhood or greater community
confirms that boundaries are set throughout
society and upheld to aid in further positive
development. As well, personal involvement
with youth individually, in a group, or at
a community level allows them to have
adult role models. Kids learn far more from
modeling than they do from lecturing or
discipline. It is important that community

members be committed to being positive
role models as children learn what they live.
Finally, setting high expectations is
clearly evidenced in encouraging kids
to do well. When expectations are high
within the context of boundaries and
expectations, kids will strive to reach or
exceed those expectations. When the bar of
expectations is lowered, results are lowered
as well with poor behavior choices in risky
behaviors such as drinking, illicit drug
use, and sexual activity. However, if the
community acts together to consistently
maintain high expectations, kids strive
to reach those benchmarks because the
message they internalize is that they
are fully capable. It is important that all
levels of our community work together to
set and maintain these boundaries while
supporting each other in universally
upholding them so that our children thrive.
Things we can do to support kids and create
environments where they can thrive include:
 Set

and enforce clear, respectful,
and fair values and limits

 Expect

and help kids to do and be
their best

 Be

a role model

 Challenge

kids to succeed and
comfort them when they fail

 Learn

more about the assets by
checking out Search Institute’s
website at search-institute.org

 Post

the Developmental Assets on
your refrigerator or at the office

 Be

consistent

 Deal

with problems and conflicts
while children are still small

 Talk

about your values and
priorities, and live in a way that is
consistent with them

When we all work together as a
community including parents, teachers,
coaches, neighbors, churches, and
businesses, we have the ability to lay a
foundation for many wonderful things
to happen. ■

Kelly Ackerman is a parent educator of evidence-based practice programs.

www.tlc4cs.org

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YC MAGAZINE

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September–November 2016

15

restorative
justice at home
By KELLY ACKERMAN, Parent Educator

estorative justice is a theory used
within the justice system that
focuses on repairing the harm done
through a criminal behavior. This
method acknowledges that crime exceeds
simply breaking a law to include the fact that
further harm has been done to others or to
the community.
According to the Centre for Justice
and Reconciliation, restorative justice
includes the ideas of repair, encounter,
and transformation. Repair is an
acknowledgement that crime causes
harm and requires specific repair. The
encounter element requires the parties
that are affected to communicate with the
offender in order to work together to find an
acceptable solution. This allows everyone
to truly encounter each other and allows
relationship building as well as vested
interest. All parties must practice skills of
forgiveness and reconciliation so that the
final element of transformation can take
place. Through making amends in a concrete
way individuals can encounter community
in a new and more positive fashion. When
accountability and responsibility falls on the
criminal while a chance for communication
and repair to occur, true transformation can
take place within the individual.
This same system can be applied in the
home. Research has continually proven that
authoritarian parenting practices are the
most effective in producing adolescents and
young adults who are well prepared to enter
the world independently. In authoritarian
homes the demandingness is high, meaning
high expectations are consistently held
while limits are firmly set and upheld.
However, within this highly demanding
home, there is a great level of warmth.
Respect for each other, use of calm tones,
and responsiveness to children’s needs are
clearly demonstrated. It is this warmth that

makes the difference between the positive
outcomes associated with authoritarian
homes and the negative outcomes that are
associated with authoritative homes (high
demands and low warmth).
Authoritarian homes can practice
restorative justice on a daily basis as kids
grow up making mistakes. This can start
when children are very young and test the
very limits that are placed on them. When
a young child decides to throw their meal
on the floor, a warm parent can start with
empathy using statements such as, “Oh darn
it, this is such a bummer.” This allows the
child to understand that the parent is on the
side of the child and the process moves on
to the repair and encounter phases where
communication occurs.
When a child is too young to adequately
clean the mess, the two can do it together.
There can be further recognition that when
the adult helps, that requires time which
may mean more repair is required. Perhaps
the child can then do another job the parent
now does not have the time to complete, such
as wiping the table or taking dishes to the
dishwasher. The conversation must remain
effective while communication includes both
parent and child. “Now that I have helped
clean up this mess, it caused me to be late in
getting the rest of the dishes done. I think
you could help by either clearing all the cups
or all the plates. Can I count on you to do that
for me?”
When all is said and done, a parent should
refrain from further lecture or explanation.
The repair and encounter have taken place.
To end with a lecture will cause the child to
be resentful toward the parent as opposed
to internalizing the responsibility onto
themselves where transformation is at work.
Ending with a statement such as, “I am glad
we could work that out together. I love you,”
in addition to a hug would be most effective.

Moving toward the regularly scheduled
routine without further delay will allow for
a full experience where once repaired, the
child can move on with life as normal. This
system works for older children and teens as
well, though the earlier the process is begun
the more effective and productive it is.
Although it is quite painful for parents
to allow consequences in their children’s
lives, especially outside of the home, it is far
better that they learn that all actions have
consequences (either positive or negative)
while they are young and still under parental
guidance. When a child forgets their
homework at home, breaks a neighbor’s
window while playing with friends,
or steals a pack of gum from the store,
utilizing restorative justice in the home or
supporting the restorative justice system of
the neighbor, teacher, or store manager is
absolutely necessary for raising kids who are
able to take responsibility.
In these situations, it may be necessary
to find a quiet place to breathe and
decompress so that anger and rage do
not take center stage. Anger and rage do
not facilitate communication and often
shut down the opportunity for learning.
Repaying the neighbor for the window
with cash or through agreed upon acts of
service over a period of time will allow the
child to experience full accountability and
responsibility while maintaining a healthy
relationship with the neighbor. At the same
time, the parent can save their energy for
positive parenting and enjoyment!
Allowing children to experience
restorative justice engages an internal voice
within them to ask, “I wonder how this
next choice will affect my life?” Children
who think this way are far less likely to
participate in dangerous and unwise
behaviors as they grow into young adults.
Therein lies the greatest parenting reward. ■

Kelly Ackerman is a parent educator of evidence-based practice programs.

16

September–November 2016

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YC MAGAZINE

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www.tlc4cs.org

REPAIR

Allowing children to
experience restorative
justice engages an internal
voice within them to ask,
“I wonder how this next
choice will affect my life?”

ENCOUNTER

TRANSFORM

BY THE

NUMBERS

Q. I heard there are some changes to the way

57

students apply for federal financial aid. What do I
need to know to make sure my child doesn’t miss
out on funding for postsecondary education?

The average number of sheets of toilet paper
a person uses per day. www.strangefacts.com

A. Students accustomed to completing the Free Application

for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA) at the beginning of the calendar
year may now fill out this important form in the fall.
In September 2015, President Obama announced that change
to the federal student aid process, along with the opportunity
for families to use income information from their “prior-prior
year’s” taxes to complete the FAFSA.
“This is a big change and school administrators, counselors and
financial aid officers are revising their processes to address the
new circumstances of the FAFSA,” said Rhonda Safford, statewide
coordinator of Reach Higher Montana College Goal, previously
College Goal Montana. “While the change will cause some
confusion in this first year, we believe it will make filling out the
FAFSA easier and less stressful for families across the country.”
As part of the FAFSA changes, this form – which allows
students and families to access federal student aid for the
2017-18 academic year – will be available on Oct. 1, 2016
rather than on Jan. 1, 2017. This accelerated time schedule will
result in new priority FAFSA filing dates at U.S. postsecondary
institutions. Students should confirm priority filing dates with
their respective schools.
“This shift in timing better aligns with college application
efforts, providing students and families with the ability to tackle
both of these tasks at once rather than separately,” Safford said.
In addition, she is particularly encouraged that FAFSA filers
this fall will be able to use their 2015 tax information (prior-prior
year) to fill out the form.
“Many FAFSA filers who were trying to meet the priority filing
date on the previous system were unable to take advantage of
the IRS data retrieval tool because they hadn’t completed their
taxes,” Safford said. “By allowing the use of tax information from
the prior-prior year, more families will be able to use this tool
that automatically populates information in the FAFSA.”
Safford emphasizes that the FAFSA process for the 2016-17
academic year remains the same, but students and parents
should keep their eyes and ears open for additional information
about the changes in store for 2017-18.

HAVE A QUESTION?

email: jheronema@tlc4cs.org
We cannot guarantee all questions will be published; however,
we will do our best to respond to all questions submitted.

18

September–November 2016

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YC MAGAZINE

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www.tlc4cs.org

70

The number of pieces of wood in a
violin. www.strangefacts.com

350

The number of slices of pizza consumed each
second in the U.S. www.funfactz.com

21

The length in inches of a giraffe’s
tongue (so it can clean its ears). www.strangefacts.com

1 BILLION

The number in miles of DNA contained in the
human body. www.funfactz.com

38

The length of time in minutes the
shortest war lasted (between Zanzibar
and England in 1896). www.funfactz.com

At MPC we believe that YOU
ARE SPECIAL and we would
like to invite you to one of
our youth programs designed
specifically with YOU in mind.
In these groups we encourage
SHARING life stories with
one another, GROWING our
faith as individuals in a safe
environment, and LIVING
THE GOOD NEWS of Jesus
together. Visit mempres.org
for more information.

1310 Ashman Street I Midland, Michigan I 989-835-6759 I mempres.org

Helping Families Grow and Thrive
Preschool for three- and four-year-olds
at four locations
Childcare for children ages 12 and under
After-school and summer programs for
youth and teens
Summer food program from the USDA
for youth ages 18 and under
Dow College Opportunity Program
to support and mentor high school students
Parent education and social services
Community computer lab with Internet access
Call us for details at 989.832.3256, or visit WMFC.org
Located at 4011 West Isabella Rd. (M-20)
14 miles west of Downtown Midland

Stanford. Vanderbilt. Steubenville, Ohio. St. Paul’s
Prep School. What is something all of these have in common?
They were recently in the headlines for sexual assault cases
and highlighted the important issue of consent.

ne in six women will be a victim
of an attempted or completed
rape during their lifetime; female
college students between the ages
of 18-24 are three times more likely to be
a victim of rape. So how do we protect our
children from these troubling statistics?
Communication.
It’s important to talk about consent with
your child starting at a young age and to
talk openly about sexual consent starting in
middle school. Consent is much more than
the old adage “No Means No”. Consent is
about communication. Consent is saying
yes and feeling fully comfortable with what
is happening.
Share with your teen that consent is an
ongoing dialogue about a specific activity
between two people that can be revoked at
anytime. This means that consent is verbal.
Just because someone hasn’t explicitly said
no does not mean they’ve said yes. It is very
important to ask for consent every time for
every activity. This means asking questions
before any activity takes place, such as “Can
I hold your hand?” or “Can I kiss you?” A
yes to hand-holding does not imply a yes
to a kiss. By checking in with their partner,
your teen can learn to ensure that consent
is still being freely given and either partner
can change their mind at anytime and this
is okay.
Sometimes starting the conversation
about consent can seem daunting, especially
with your teenager. If you’re struggling
with how to start the conversation, an easy
opener is asking “Are your friends dating?”
and then exploring how your child feels
about their friends’ choices.
Another great way to engage your teen in
conversations around healthy relationships
is making the most out of teachable
moments. Use the news. Sexual assault and
consent are too frequently in the headlines
but offer great opportunities for engaging
your teen in conversation. It’s important
that the conversation happens with both
sons and daughters.
Hearing a song on the radio or watching
a tv show or movie together can offer a

great opportunity to talk about healthy
relationships, trust, respect of self and
others, and peer pressure. Another great
way to start the conversation is to read a
young adult book together. A new resource
called SVYALit Project can give parents and
teachers reading ideas and the information
to discuss sexual violence and consent.
Once the conversation is started, keep it
going. Offer space for your teen to explore
their own feelings and values around
relationships. Talk openly about your

Recent studies have
shown that teens
are waiting longer
to engage in sexual
activity. That doesn’t
mean we don’t need
to continue the
conversations about
sex and consent.
In fact, one study
showed that while 85%
of parents surveyed
thought they were
having conversations
about sex ‘very often’
or ‘often’, only
41% of teens felt the
same way.
own values and if you have any specific
expectations for them as they start to date.
Recognize that you may have differences
in opinion, but differences can be used as a
place for a healthy debate to help your teen
think critically.
Learn the age of consent in your state and

www.tlc4cs.org

relate that information to your teen. Explain
that if either party is under the influence of
drugs or alcohol, passed out, or asleep they
cannot consent to sexual activity.
Sometimes your teen may not be willing
to talk at the time we feel ready to talk to
them. Recognize that and try again another
time. They may also have questions that
you can’t answer at the time. Let them know
that you don’t have all the answers but you
will help them explore and work through
any questions they may have.
Recent studies have shown that teens
are waiting longer to engage in sexual
activity. That doesn’t mean we don’t need
to continue the conversations about sex
and consent. In fact, one study showed that
while 85% of parents surveyed thought they
were having conversations about sex ‘very
often’ or ‘often,’ only 41% of teens felt the
same way.
Peer pressure continues to be felt by
teens. It’s important to talk about your
child’s own behavior and putting themselves
first. Explain that friends or partners who
pressure them are not good friends. No one
should do anything they don’t want to do or
feel uncomfortable doing.
There are many great online resources for
both you and your teen to help conversations
about healthy relationships, peer pressure,
and consent. Loveisrespect.org and
futureswithoutviolence.org are two great
websites full of information for both parents
and youth. Scarleteen.com is a website
created for teens that covers many topics of
sexuality and relationships. The Rape, Abuse
& Incest National Network (rainn.org) has
information about sexual assault.
If you are looking for consent specific
information, consentiseverything.com
has a funny video with tea as a metaphor
for consent.
Talk with your teen and tell them that if
their partner is pressuring them to engage
in activities that feel uncomfortable to
them, that relationship may not be healthy.
Help them know that you are there to listen
to them, help them, and support them in the
ways they need. ■

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YC MAGAZINE

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September–November 2016

21

THE LEGACY CENTER
It’s All a Matter of Perspective
By JENNIFER HERONEMA
When The Dow Chemical Company announced
its workforce reductions back in June, a lot of
memories came flooding back, along with
feelings I thought had been buried long ago.

The Legacy Center and making a difference in
the lives of thousands of Midland County youth.
I never could have imagined I’d be doing this
kind of work, but it’s extremely rewarding. I’ve
brought my communications and business skills
You see, I was one of thousands whose job was
to The Legacy Center, and it has really paid off.
eliminated due to corporate downsizing back in
This magazine is a prime example of that.
2008-2009. I saw it coming, but I didn’t want to
admit it. I was a high performer, my job was
The best advice I can give someone who has
important, and it couldn’t possibly happen to
experienced job loss is “When life gives you
me. Then, it did.
lemons, make lemonade!” This isn't my original
quote, but it fits this situation perfectly.
First, I became angry. Despite what people say,
this was personal. It affected my livelihood, as
For those people who don’t know how to
well as my relationships with family, friends,
approach someone who has lost their job,
co-workers and just about everyone I knew.
Then, I became fearful. What was I going to tell
my kids? Where was I going to find another job?
Would we have to move?
I hadn’t updated my resume in nearly a decade,
and the job market had changed significantly.
As indignant as I was, I knew I had to get past
the immediate situation and set a course for the
future. First, I had to talk with my kids.

Telling them was one of the hardest things I’ve
ever done, because I felt like I had let them
down somehow. Honestly, the best thing I could
do was reassure them that this was just a bump
in the road, and our family was going to be fine.

here are a few hints:

1. Don’t avoid them. Reach out. One of
the biggest losses in a situation like this
is “human connection.”
2. Avoid saying that they are better off
outside the company. That’s simply not
true, at least in the short term.
3. Be a good listener, and let them work
through their anger and frustration.
This will take time, so don’t abandon
them prematurely.
4. Take their lead with regard to

Kids are resilient—much more than we give
discussing what’s going on at work,
them credit for. So it didn’t take them long to
especially if your employer was theirs.
realize the benefits of having mom around more
often. In retrospect, I’m content with trading a
higher income for the ability to take a more
active role in my kids’ lives. They grow up too
Jennifer Heronema is President & CEO of The
Legacy Center for Community Success. She can be
fast, and you can’t get that time back.
reached at jheronema@tlc4cs.org. For more
Fast forward seven years, and I find myself
information about The Legacy Center, visit our
midway through my fifth year at the helm of
website at www.tlc4cs.org.

22

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Content
Provided
Especially for Your Community

September–November 2016

YC MAGAZINE

www.tlc4cs.org

THE TRUTH ABOUT MARIJUANA
There is a lot of conflicting information about
marijuana. Here are some facts to dispel the myths.
By KENZIE ANTILA, Prevention Fellow, Prevention Resource Center

MYTH
Legalizing marijuana for adults doesn’t affect kids.
FACTS
 In past 30 days usage of marijuana by youth aged 12 to 17 years,
Colorado leads all 50 states.
 Teen admissions to treatment for marijuana at Arapahoe House

only by alcohol treatment numbers, with ages 21-25 increasing the
most of the last several years. Marijuana is the most commonly
cited drug among primary drug treatment admissions in Montana.

 Marijuana-related poisonings have increased 153% for 0-5 year

MYTH
Kids will be kids; it’s not that big of a deal

MYTH
I did it growing up and I turned out just fine.

FACTS
 Marijuana use during adolescence and early adulthood results
in impaired neural connectivity in several areas of the brain
including the hippocampus, a critical region associated with
learning and memory.

olds from 2012-2014 in Colorado.

FACTS
 Modern marijuana has been genetically modified to be more
potent – six to 10 times higher in THC.
 Typical THC content of marijuana today averages between 12

to 13% compared to 3% to 4% in the 70s and 80s. States with
legalization have much higher THC content averages; in Colorado,
Washington and Oregon, THC content averages around 24 to 26%,
but is often seen as high as 36%.

MYTH
Marijuana isn’t addictive and doesn’t hurt anyone.
FACTS
 50% of those using high-potency marijuana daily will experience
withdrawal symptoms including poor sleep, decline in appetite,
possible vomiting, and stomach pain. Side effects of this high

 Developmental problems associated with regular marijuana use

during adolescence include reduced IQ scores, poorer school
performance, higher school dropout rates, as well as decreased
attention and impaired cognitive and verbal performance.

 Daily users of marijuana younger than 17 are 60% less likely to

complete high school or get a degree than those who do not use
marijuana. Teens who are daily users of marijuana are seven times
more likely to attempt suicide and are eight times more likely to
use other drugs later in life.

 Adolescents who use marijuana have a two-to-four fold increase

risk of developing psychosis.*

 Youth who use marijuana heavily have up to an eight-point drop in

IQ, which has not been proven reversible.* ■

*Dose-dependent.
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September–November 2016

23

WHAT IF...
EVERYONE HAD
SOMEONE THEY
COULD TURN TO?

Nearly 1 in 7 area youth report
being sad or depressed and
14% have attempted suicide.
impactmidland.org

RECOVERING YOUTH FUTURES

YOUR

CHILD
ON

IS COUNTING

YOU

Since you first held that tiny bundle in your arms, you’ve
wanted to protect your child from harm. Why stop now?
Misuse of alcohol and controlled substances could harm
your child’s health, impair judgment and even lead to
criminal charges.
The time to intervene is

NOW.

Call today to
schedule a free,
one-on-one
evaluation.
989∙832∙6855

A substance use evaluation & treatment program for Midland County youth

Dear Parents:
In May, the U.S. Food & Drug Administration finalized new rules extending its regulatory
authority to all tobacco products, including e-cigarettes, hookah tobacco, cigars and pipe
tobacco. The new rules, which became effective August 8, 2016, include the following
provisions aimed at restricting youth access:






Not allowing products to be sold to persons under the age of 18 years (both in person
and online);
Requiring age verification by photo identification;
Not allowing the selling of covered tobacco products in vending machines (unless in an
adult-only facility; and
Not allowing the distribution of free samples

As cigarette smoking among those under 18 has fallen, the use of other nicotine products,
including e-cigarettes, has taken a drastic leap. All of this is creating a new generation of
Americans who are at risk of addiction. This is an important step in the fight for a tobaccofree generation.
We encourage
encourage you
you to
to discuss
discuss with
with your
your children
children the
the risks
risks associated
associated with
with using
using tobacco,
tobacco,
We
alcohol and
and other
other drugs.
drugs. Show
Show them
them you
you care!
care!
alcohol

www.drugfreemidland.org
An affiliate
affiliate of
of The
The Legacy
Legacy Center
Center
An

In addition to injury prevention, the WellSport program is designed to help
expedite the assessment, referral and treatment of athletes with strains,
sprains, contusions, fractures, joint injuries and concussions.
Program goals
§ Prevent injuries through education and training.

Locations

§ Help athletes of all ages achieve their highest potential and prevent illness
and injury through comprehensive sports physicals.

§ Help injured athletes get back in the game as safely and quickly as possible.
§ Manage medical conditions that can affect performance, such as asthma,
diabetes, heart disease, weight or arthritis.
§ Promote the use of “exercise as medicine” to maximize health and wellness.
For more information, visit www.midmichigan.org/wellsport.