gardening, homesteading, do it yourself

humour

i have been living in bizarro world today. k? soooo, we go to get pain meds at the pharmacy. i did a quick run to trader joe’s and home we come. i am resting in my bed, and looking for kindle books when the dogs come running to my room and start to get on the bed.

OMG. STINKKKKKKKKKKKKK. the little one has some white mess on his ear and i scream NO get off my bed. the entire time i am gagging because i can’t do stink of any kind. i try but i upchuck. then the big dog, oliver, comes into my room and he is COVERED in some white mess that smells like death. over the trash can i go. mark (my husband who just had hip replacement) is hobbling to see wtf is going on. he sees the mess on the dogs and tries to help by wiping it off. i find some tiger balm and put it under my nose (like CSI) to keep from puking when i smell this mess. it’s becoming more obvious by the minute that i must bathe the dogs. oh dear lord, help me.

so mark and i take the dogs to the deck, outside, and he starts to get that nasty off them at the outdoor sink. they still REEK of nasty rotten dead something. we get them into the house and get oliver into the tub. i am trying to spray him with the stupid shower head hose thing and i drop it. it squirts me from head to toe and now i am soaked and freezing, with tiger balm in my nose and a stink ass dog freaking out because the water got on him, too. help me lord. then i get the dawn and start washing this nasty smelling 56 lb dog. i talk baby talk to him, because i have freaked him out already with my freak out. get him washed and rinse him in vinegar just to make sure he’s destunk. next is the little guy, reggie. he doesn’t care much about baths. he likes them. he was quick and over in no time. i dry the dogs, change into dry clothing and head outside to let them roll in the grass.

oh they are having the best time and up comes a black mastiff/lab mix and he has balls. non neutered and the hair is up on his back. oh dear lord, help me. so i go to grab the hose, just in case and SOMEONE left it on. the sprayer thing is on. so when i turn on the hydrant, once again i am sprayed in the face and all over and am drenched.. AGAIN! i let the dog play with mine for a few minutes, while i am dripping and freezing, and then he acts a little aggressive to reggie (reggie started it) so i hose him in the ass and he moves on. now i get the dogs inside, change clothes for the 4th time today, and try to once again, rest for a few minutes.

during this time we have looked at every inch outside and inside to find whatever this mess was that the dogs got into. cannot find it. mark finds an empty package of 45 cat treats for hairball removal. reggie ate it all. so maybe he puked on oliver? we don’t know. anyway, i am resting and here comes reggie… STINKING AGAIN TO HIGH HEAVEN! please lord, help me to NOT kill this dog. apparently he ate whatever it is, AGAIN. we look and look and still cannot find whatever it is. i dunno if he puked and it was just his breath or what. for now, things are settled down, i am dry and so far no stink. help me lord… in my life.. it all comes at once. like a clearance sale. sigh — feeling annoyed.