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There's something crushing about it all, cathartic, but at the same time so happy to at least know this person. I've never had good luck with love, so I had resigned myself earlier in my life to not even try, and to focus on hacer la revolucion. This person was the first person I confided in about leaving and studying in Cuba, about the first great moments of my misguided efforts in life, of just about everything. I've left pieces out there with em, and I'll never feel whole again. I don't aim to look in too many places either, it hurts too much to lose them and it hurts too much to even love at all. Its as much of a trial as it is a reward. I simply feel everything too strongly, the colors are always too vivid, I feel like I'm having the most intense of moments just contemplating things at times. And being around someone, even listening to them, being treated like a human being when you ain't ever felt so under any other interaction, its just the best thing I've ever felt in my life. The fear of alienating this person and of course of rejection, which is almost assured when the other person is not playing for the same team, thats kind of messing with my head a bit. But they don't really need to love me back, I just want to ache and plummet into the depths of the experience.