Friday, 20 October 2006

Sorry I haven't posted for a while but I've been really down in the dumps with Steven's state of mind lately.

Seems everytime I try to explain that I know how he feels, he bites my head off saying that I don't.

I've suffered these attacks for 15 years now and I know more than anyone how it feels to be fighting to breathe and scared to death, thinking you're going to die.

I've been taking a drug called Imipramine for 12 years now and find it a really good drug for me. It makes me drift off into a normal sleep pattern, although these past few nights I've been having panic attacks all over again, worrying about Steven.

He's very young to be having these problems but I'm trying to let him know that I'm here for him when he needs to talk. But everytime we have a conversation, he ends up biting my head off.

Feel sure that his synusus are blocked too, making it harder for him to breathe when he lays down to sleep and I think he's confusing one with the other.

I always use my mentholated crystals when I get congested, think I 'll get him some tomorrow.

All I can do is be here when he needs me. Though, just lately,it doesn't seem to help.

Hope everyone is well and not too fed up of reading gloomy journal entries.

Hopefully, things will get back to normal soon, then we can all enjoy Christmas.

Friday, 13 October 2006

Picture 1 is my older Son, Adam. He is 27 this Christmas day. He has been a rock to me this past 20 years. Looked after his little Brother Steven and me through thick and thin. Although this past 7 years, he has lived in Nottingham, I know I only have to call him and he would come home, no holds barred. I had Steven as a baby, only a few weeks old and I fell downstairs, right from the top, with Steven in my arms. Adam was only 4 at the time but he saw me fall and stood really strong at the bottom of the stairs to catch my fall. I would have gone straight into a radiator with Steven in my arms, if Adam hadn't stopped my fall.

He helped a bag lady in the streets of Nottingham a few years ago when he was still in University. She was being dragged down an alleyway by 2 men trying to mug her. One of the men ran off, the other pulled a knife and slashed Adam's arm. Luckily enough, he was wearing a thick coat I'd bought him and it saved his wrist from being badly cut.

Just a glimpse into the life of Adam, also known by me as Buzz Lightyear. I love him tremendously.

Picture 2 is Adam and Steven,who you all know, at Adam's wedding last month.

My 2 special guys.

Picture 3 is Mum proudly standing between the 2 most fantastic people in the whole world, without whom, she would have been a shadow of the person she is today.

Just watched Steven's latest journal entry and feel so very blessed that God has granted him with such a wonderful gift of voice. I just know he was meant for greater things than being a prisoner of his own life, not going out, living his young life.

My mission in life now, is to help him get his life into perspective. He deserves it.

About Me

I am a 51 year old Wife and Mother of two, Steven (25), Adam (29).
I am the eldest Daughter of seven children, having two older Brothers, two younger Brothers and two younger Sisters.
I still have my parents (Thank God!).
I am an Auntie to millions and Great Auntie to almost as many!