Wednesday, July 10, 2013

The Dog Walkers

Since last Tuesday, we've been boarding Butters - the ADHD dog of Maggie and Nathan. She's cute, I'll give her that. You couldn't ask for a friendlier dog. She doesn't eat much, that's for sure.

And there was one other thing about her. Now what was it?

Oh yeah..........she barks.

At. Every. Little. Thing.

Three times in the last week she has started barking at 2:00 in the morning for no reason. Henry, alerted to the possibility that Timmy fell in the well or there's trouble down by the railroad tracks, joins in and starts howling.

Awakened from a sound sleep, The Big Daddy goes stumbling down the stairs in his boxers to tell them to SHUT THE EF UP.......

..........which they do because even they don't know what the commotion is about.

After dinner we walk the two of them. Henry lagging behind with his gimpy legs and Butters yanking my shoulder out of the socket because she's excited to be out. Or in. Or smelling. Or looking out the window. Or chasing the cats. Or because the UPS truck went by twenty minutes ago.

Before long, The Big Daddy and I are each carrying a plastic bag of crap like it's some sort of accessory. These days Henry doesn't even stop to go, laying turds as he walks like they're depth charges from a destroyer deep into the ocean floor. Killing the dolphins or a decent pair of shoes.

We pass other dogs which gets You-Know-Who-And-Who all excited, and Mark pretends he's The Dog Whisperer and starts CH-CH-CH-CHing these mongrels as if he knows what he's doing and they know they're behaving badly.

On this night, Butters did her business for the second time and while I was cleaning it up she spotted a rabbit. The one finger of mine that was at the end of her leash just about got amputated from my hand when the hunt was on.

I bypassed the CH-CH-CH-CHing and went straight to, "Calm down, you little asshole."

Yet again another failed attempt by me and the mister at trying to walk two dogs at once and not completely lose our shit.

But we swung theirs like we owned it so we got that going for us...............