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The weird thing we do on vacations (I swear by it)

When Alex and I were first dating, we went on vacation together, and something surprising happened...
We had been dating for six months, and we took a week-long vacation to Berlin. It was a big step for our relationship, and I worried we'd run out of things to talk about. (We didn't.) Instead, we had an amazing time. We rented a studio apartment, rode bikes around town and ate German dumplings. We went swing-dancing at an old dance hall.

But toward the end of our trip, we decided to do something we had never done before on vacations: Spend a day apart. Alex wanted to visit the Topography of Terror museum (no thanks!), while I wanted to browse shops in Mitte. So we split up for the day and then reunited for dinner. And it was AWESOME.

Since then, we always spend a day apart on vacations. It's refreshing and liberating to have time alone to do exactly what you want, and then you can meet for dinner to share stories and photos. Stay at the beach for as long as you want. Eat three scoops of ice cream for lunch. Spend an hour looking at your favorite painting at a museum. Read books in the grass. Rollerblade around town. Having one day completely for yourself is such a treat, and you might even surprise yourself with what you choose to do.

What about you? Do you ever split up on vacations? I'd highly recommend it!Because sometimes it's nice to be alone, right?

248 comments:

We are going on vacation tomorrow! Sounds like so much fun but I just don't know if I could do it. I hate being alone, especially somewhere new. Maybe I will be brave and try lunch alone.... maybe not.

We HAD TO split up in NYC because we were going on week two of spending every waking hour together. It was so refreshing and much-needed and our fondue dinner together that night, with the restaurant kitty-cat, was magical.

This is SO smart! There have been many times when my husband wants to do something like take a tour of Wrigley Field and all I want to do is spend the day at a museum or shopping and we choose which one we do as a couple and one of us is normally grumpy that whole day. Let's just say he hasn't been on the tour of Wrigley Field yet. ; )

I would absolutely do this, I love exploring new cities and sometimes it's wonderful just to sit alone in a cafe having coffee and people watch by yourself....and I think when you've had children, you appreciate this time even more!!

This is such a great idea, alone time is so important. I usually beat my boyfriend home from work, so days that I work late and he eats alone I always ask him "Didn't you love hanging out in the apartment alone?" He usually says that it was ok...I, on the other hand, LOVE my alone time. I try not to make it sound too great though...I also like hanging out with him, of course!

I feel a wee bit like a crazy person, but the thought of intentionally making time to spend apart to check out/do what you enjoy... has never crossed my mind... and I cannot wait to build this into my next vacation.

Usually, we diverge without planning, and it can feel a teeny bit frazzled.

Fantastic! Totally trying this. Especially w/ kids - one person gets day to self while other watches kids & next day switch. Or maybe do half-days in that case so you don't end up with two full days apart. Love the idea!!

Totally. I think you need some time apart so nobody feels resentful about missing something they want to do, or feeling like they're attached at the hip or clinging to each other for dear life. That's never relaxing! I'd even go so far as to say this is why the occasional solo trip (be it a long weekend or more like a 10-day thing) is so refreshing and beneficial to a relationship too. It's like avoiding confluence and maintaining your own identity instead of becoming lost in the "we" as well.

good idea, but my hubs and i love sharing vacation experiences together so i know we'd just wish the other one was there to look at and talk about something together. it brings us closer, we get to experience what the other person loves and that just feels so magical. it lets me take a step back from the relationship and observe him as a person, not my spouse, and reminds me of why i fell in love with him in the first place.

that said, we also love observing our surroundings and have a great time noticing the fonts used in store signs, or people watching.

I am a firm believer in the "mecation" and your idea is lovely! Whenever I travel with people I have to compromise (which I don't mind doing) but I'd rather roam around alone and do what I want rather than spend hours in a museum that I want to see and hear my traveling companion complain about it.

i am single and therefore travel alone to visit friends or with travel companions as opposed to a spouse, but i always take alone time. i'm adventurous and while it's fun to experience a city with your companions or have your friends show you around, it's challenging..and exhilarating...to navigate a foreign city alone.

I LOVE this. Often times, we spit up for a few hours but usually just in the name of shopping. (I can't browse the racks with my husband looking over my shoulder.) I like the idea of spending a day or half a day apart - especially when you're on a longer vacation.

I love this idea! Being an only child I often miss the solice in being by myself and my thoughts being around my husband and toddler constantly. I love the quiet time I get when my husband goes on hunting trips and after my daughter has gone to bed.

also my husband gets a kick out of playing the part of the dude being dragged along. he actually likes sitting in a girly boutique in the comfy "for the man" chairs reading a magazine. he always offers to hold my purse when i go to a public restroom too, he'll fling it over his shoulder like a natural

That sounds absolutely perfect to me. I'd probably be overwhelmed with all the possibilities! However, my husband wouldn't be able to understand - he doesn't like being alone. So...we'll see if I can convince him on the next trip :)

Every time I travel with other people, whether it be a group or just one other person, I make it a point to have some me-time. It really gives me a chance to connect with a new city when I don't have to worry about whether or not someone is enjoying my itinerary!

This is a great tip! Usually my boyfriend and I can agree on most things to see and do when we travel, but I don't usually do any real shopping or window shopping for the matter, because I know it's torture for him. We're both pretty independent though so this would be the perfect solution.

Yes, it is the best idea. Because think of it. Even when living together you usually don't see each other 24/7 like you do on vacation so it's so nice to take some breahing time so you appreciate each other so much more.

We did this in Brazil. He stayed in Rio and I flew to Brasilia for the day to see the Architecture. He didn't want to get on another plane and it helped build his confidence hanging by himself in Rio. The Mister isn't as adventurous as I am so that alone time in a city he only just met did wonders for our traveling together.

Come to think of It, my boyfriend and I will be doing a different version of this in August: he sets out from another country on his bike, travelling across other countries. I leave soon after and also travel on my own by train (no bike though); we meet a few days later at a 'meeting point' and then explore a few other places together.

Wow! I never thought of this but it's brilliant. I usually want to be all up in my honey's grill because I don't feel like I get to see him enough in our daily lives. However, the idea of doing EXACTLY what we want all day, missing him and coming together for dinner sounds fun, romantic and exciting. Must try this!

I love the idea I've never thought of it before. If you spend too much time with someone you might get sick of him. You need sometime alone to find balance and miss him. It keep the relationship healthy. Thanks for sharingxCammihttp://www.cammilicious.com/

I always like to have a little bit of time alone in the hotel, whether it's sending my boyfriend down for a swim on his own or to get coffee or whatever. A few years ago we split up in Chicago for a few hours and it was so exciting seeing him walking down the block to meet me, like we'd just happened upon eachother in this huge city. Can't miss eachother until you've been gone!

When on vacation with a boyfriend or husband, I've never gone off on my own, except (once) after a huge fight. BUT, I have wanted to separate for a day on good terms. I used to travel alone (and still do occasionally, but only for business.) I loved being able to explore exactly what I wanted to explore.

Unfortunately my husband views the idea of taking off on our own for the day, or even a few hours, as a "bad sign." He thinks it could only mean we're not getting along... afterall, we should do everything together on vacation, right? (And this, from a 49-year-old!)

On my new blog, I talk a bit about our method of trying to live somewhat like a local when we travel abroad. (Great idea to rent a studio apt. and usually quite cost-effective, but we have yet to do this, although we were able to "borrow" a friend's flat in Switzerland once.) I hadn't thought about it in this way, but going off on your own really IS like living like a local. Most people, anyway, in their daily lives, do not do every activity with their significant other.

I understand why people don't do this... in your daily life, you know where everything is, whereas on vacation, you can be a bit out of your element... unless you're very familiar with the place, your vacation can't be exactly like living like a local. But I agree with the importances of taking some time alone to explore a new place!

One of the best vacations I've been on is when my hubs was sent to Charleston for a week for work. He was in training all day and I was able to stroll the city and take pictures and do whatever I wanted. And we met for dinner every night. I did miss him, but the alone time was great!

Love it! I don't think we've ever actually tried it in 15 years of vacationing together. Weird, now that I think of it. Sometimes it happens when we go "back home" to visit family and friends that we each spend time with different people for a while on a day or two, but the time apart is not that intentional. I think it would be harder when we're traveling with our daughter (she's have to come with one of us, and that might not make for a very "fair" day apart, since doing exactly what we'd please would be trickier with a child in town)...but I will be giving this idea a try on our next vacation. Thanks!

Yes! We did this once years ago in Yosemite when my husband wanted to do the 18 mile hike up Half Dome--and I did NOT! :) So, I took a free art class, lazed in a meadow, and bought chocolate. We both had a great day! Thanks for reminding me of this. What a good idea!

My husband and I did this in Hawaii on our honeymoon! He went golfing and I sat on the beach, shopped, read and napped. Like you said, it was nice to experience something alone and it made dinner conversation that much more exciting!

Thank you for this. My boyfriend and I didn't meet until I was in my mid-thirties and by that time I was pretty used to traveling alone. I love it, you meet far more people when traveling alone. I always feel like I am missing out on part of the experience when we travel together. I usually just take a vacation by myself once every year, but this might be a nice alternative.

I'm not sure if I'd do that... Nico and I have so much fun together when we're on vacation! I think I would miss him terribly... but may be we should try it, may be we can start with an afternoon apart, right?

This really is a fantastic idea. I sometimes want to go to art museum after art museum and my fiance definitely does not. He would completely go for this idea. Even more fun, would be to buy each other a small, inexpensive gift to meet up with at dinner!

my husband and i always do this too! it started when we were last in san francisco, after several previous trips during which carl was marooned in the obligatory husband/boyfriend seat in a boutique while i tried on a million things. instead we planned a day apart- i went shopping and he had a steam and massage at the kabuki spa. that night we were both refreshed and excited to be together again! plus, i didn't have to endure and sighs or raised eyebrows over my purchases! we were just in paris last week, and i actually booked my arrival two days before carl finished up his work in the south of france. two days alone exploring paris was a fun challenge and a great experience! it was sort of sexy too when we finally met- at a dark little bistro in st.germain. like going on a special date! i strongly second your recommendation! but then, i so enjoy my alone time ;)

Yes! We go to Ireland to my families home town every year and I always spend a day wandering around all the second hand book shops while my oh goes fishing. Not sure what happens now it's our first trip with a little one. It would still be nice to perhaps have a morning

I'm going to break the trend and say that I don't think this would be for me. I always feel that even though my boyfriend and I live together, it often feels that we do just that- 'live' together, cohabit, share the same space. Don't get me wrong it's lovely and romantic and special, but I very often feel that our actual quality time with one another is quite limited.

I love going on holiday with him because there aren't televisions or laptop or chores to distract us from one another, and it's so lovely to just reconnect and feel like a young couple again who can't stop looking in each other's eyes.

So in short, I think it's a really cool idea but I don't think it's for me :) I love hearing about other couple's traditions and dynamic, it's so fascinating!

I think it's a lovely idea, being alone in a new place is so wonderful. I don't think my partner would let me out of his sight for a sec though, he even goes shopping for shoes with me cause he's so excited to do stuff together in a new place :)

Fair enough and sometimes much needed! Especially because there are times where we just want to do different things! It's nice to take it as something organic and even positive for the relationship! Bisous!

Since becoming a mother 3 years ago (full time stay at home) I crave alone time so badly. I remember you had posted a while back a story of your friend who takes a vacation by herself every year. That sounds so good to me however I think that a day during a vacation with the hubs would be the best of both worlds. It's so hard to get away as it is so this sounds like a great middle ground!

The only time my husband and I have been seperated on a holiday was by accident! While in Paris on the subway the metro doors closed so fast and my husband jumped out so quickly that he left me stranded on the metro as it road away, ha!

Personally, I hate travelling alone. I've tried and I get so lonely. I want to share my holiday and experiences with someone so I love to share my time when I'm travelling. Whether that's with my husband or friends :)

This is great, I only did it once when we had the kids along, they went on rides and i went to the attractions, it was great! I may do this next week while on vaca alone with the hubs for the first time in years. Mary in NY

My husband and I did that in New York. It was my first time in the big city, he'd been twice before, so was a bit nervous to let me go off on my own. But we parted ways at the subway...me to the MET, and him to the Bronx. Ha-ha. He came to get me at the museum afterwards. And I agree, it exciting to see each other at the end of the day after doing our own thing; especially in such a huge, fascinating city (I even managed to take a quick trip over to Bloomingdale's while I waited for him - he was so-o impressed with me for figuring that out!).

I kind of love this in every day life, too. Ryan and I both work from home a lot and we're just together all the time. So one or both of us will purposely go out just to be apart for a bit, and everything's always better when we reunite -- conversation, moods, and all!

I am married yet adore my own time alone too. I remember a trip we took to Taiwan (pre-kids) and within a week I was riding the underground myself, and took a (short) day to shop for myself, by myself. It was fantastic. Incidentally, the best job I ever had was being on the road, working by myself for the majority of the time. Bliss!

I love this. I've actually done this on both family and couples vacations. On one of our last family trips (before my brother & I got married, had kids, etc.) to NYC, all four of us (mom, dad, brother, myself) split up to do what we each wanted to do and it was fun! More recently, this past April Eric and I split up for a day while in Paris. He had a convention to go to and I roamed around the city going to the flea market and having lunch at the Eiffel Tower. We met up later for dinner and it was so much fun to share our days.

My husband and I have been doing this for 20 years and we swear by it. It's so important to be together but apart sometimes. We often travel for long periods (3-4 weeks) and sometimes we'll even spend a night apart and then meet up the next day. Refreshing and fun!

Wow, you always have such great tips and tricks for making relationships better/easier/more fun! This one provides the romantic anticipation of waiting seeing your loved one until the end of the day, plus having something new to share with them. What a lovely idea.

I've accompanied my husband to three European conferences where we have no choice but to separate. He spent the day at meetings while I've explored Paris, Gothenburg, and Rome. I find it exhilarating. He always skips out on a few morning or afternoon sessions so we can have some day time together but I love having the freedom to shop, and visit multiple museums and churches without feeling like I'm boring him to tears. Highly recommended.

My husband and I do this. On longer trips, we'll spend a full day apart, and on shorter trips like weekend getaways, we'll spend a few hours apart. It's always refreshing. And often, my husband will bring back a little gift or treat for me from his walk, very sweet!

This is a great idea! I have only taken smaller trips with my boyfriend, but even splitting up for a few hours would be nice. I like to shop and he likes to.. do whatever he likes to do.. we both get what we want! I just hope I don't get lost wandering too much alone!

nah, quite the opposite: my husband and I are inseparable when we travel. And the thing is (this was our surprise), we've learned that when we're on vacation, we pretty much settle into a single unified rhythm. We get hungry together, we get tired together, we wander aimlessly, look at museums together. If anything, when we're abroad, we are a little TOO flexible and sometimes have a hard time settling on what to do because we both keep asking, "well, what do you want to do?"

And our favorite thing really just seems to be to walk and hold each other's hands - for 10 or 20 miles a day. =) simple, huh?

I don't normally spend time apart form my husband on trips, but recently, on a trip to Denver, I did just that! It wasn't by choice since he had to do a work thing that day, but I got to go to the zoo! Jon would've never gone for that, and I had a blast! The animals were acting crazy and I got the best pictures! I'm not sure I'd do it every time, but I definitely could do it again!

This is such a good idea! My family hasn't gotten the hang of this. My dad has always felt like we should do EVERYTHING together on vacations, sometimes we've convinced him to let the group split up saying we don't always have to be together and it's usually nice to get a break from each other. Having everyone do there own thing sounds like a great idea.

Agree! We do that too. I spent my time around London by myself to visit the V&A Museum exhibit on The Queen by Cecil Beaton, shopped around Sloane Street and took as many pictures as I want. Then we met for dinner and talk about our day. It is refreshing!

That sounds awesome! I have not done it, just because I'm in a new place and would be worried about my own safety since... I could be an easy target. I'm not even 5ft and look younger than my age. Otherwise, I would love to do the same thing.

that is an awesome tip! we will have to try this in the future. i really love it, though. going on an adventure, together, but also going on one, on your own.. in a new place. and than that lovely dinner, afterwards. thank you! ;)

I went to Europe with my best friend last year. We were together most of the trip. But one afternoon in Burano we split up. She wanted to shop and I just walked around the island taking photos. It was a nice to have the alone time.

Not sure. Sounds like a good idea, but since my husband and I are so busy normally and since the point of our holidays together is to actually get "us" time to spend together, then this would defeat the purpose (for us). But I like the independence! I know some couples that this could do a world of good for! (mostly duo-work from home couples)

it was never really a planned thing, but my boyfriend and i virtually always spend some time apart on holidays (9 years and going strong, so it obviously doesn't harm the relationship!)... i love little more than exploring the nooks and crannies of a new destination with camera in hand... my boyfriend will almost invariably use this time to lose himself in a book... it's a win win situation!

I need to remember this for the next vacation! Similarly, my boyfriend and I separated from the rest of our traveling contingent (there were nine of us) for an afternoon back in Copenhagen and it was the most refreshing day!

My husband went shopping today. He goes out without me and I think it does him good. I love this post and the reminder that we need out own time and our own individuality. Your blog is the best, Joanna.

My husband and I do this too. Even, dare I say, on our honeymoon! We spent 3 weeks in England and when he wanted to go mountain biking, I went off and did my own thing; a day at the spa. We're big fans of taking that "me time".

I usually do this when I travel with other people. I find that having a set meeting place and time at the end of the day helps even the more travel-timid to go explore because they know that someone will come looking for them if they don't show up!

Whenever my husband and I go on a trip longer than three days, we always make sure to spend some alone time. While we have a lot of common interests, there is always something we want to do that the other doesn't. Plus, it gives us something new to talk about when we're together again. It's a great way to make sure we don't get on each others nerves when we're together 24/7!

Yes I agree, I love to do this! I once went on a 4 month trip around Europe with a boyfriend, and time apart occasionally was essential when you travel for so long. And it's great to be able to do what interests you without having to compromise, just once!

To those women who say they'd be afraid to be alone in a foreign city - don't be! Unless you're in some war torn country (or certain middle eastern or african countries that might be a bit unsafe for women) you have nothing to worry about! Pretty much everywhere in Europe is safer than the streets of New York.

I don't have a significant other that I travel with, but I often travel with a friend. I love traveling with since we share enough interests that we can do a few things together, but she's also independent. It was great to do different things and then share our experiences and varying perspectives of a city over drinks. We've conquered Buenos Aires and London. Who knows what is next!

My husband and I have very different interests, so we're known to spend several days apart while on vacation. We've even been in separate towns or even countries, before meeting up again on our travels. It's partly due to travelling on a tight budget - we couldn't afford a scuba diving trip for two, for instance. It creates a whole new dimension to our holidays and I must say, to our relationship as well. We've had amazing reunions. :DJosashimi

When I was a kid and went on vacation with my family my mother and I would always go off and do girly things (usually shopping or to a museum the boys had no interest in) while my dad and brother went for a run, to a war museum or to a sports game. It gave my brother and I a break from each other when we were bickering like crazy and gave my parents some one on one time with us in new places. We would usually split off the other way for an evening as well and my dad would take me to a play while my mom took my brother somewhere he wanted to go.

I've discovered this is mandatory when traveling with friends (especially more stressful trips like those abroad). Even just spending the day at the same site but going on your own. It's saved more than one of my adventures.

this is an amazing idea and my husband and I do it too. we've never tried it while on a trip in a city (maybe next time) but all of our beach vacations have included an alone day or just time away day. I usually just nap or spend it at the spa and it's just fine by me.

My mom and I just went on vacation together and we did the same thing. One of the days, I spent the day writing in a coffee shop and she went off to do her own thing. It was really nice because I was able to spend time with my mom on vacation, but also have time to myself. I'm such an introvert it's essential for me.

wow, i was so not expecting this! (not in a bad way, i just never thought of spending time apart while on vacation) it does seem exciting and it does make sense, however i dont know if i would split up for the day or even for a few hours from my hubby on vacation. but thats just me...

I didn't really realize that this is a thing we do until I read this post! It started with an afternoon in Paris, me at Musee d'Orsay and him at a cafe with bottle of wine and a tiny black & white TV showing the next to last stage of the Tour de France. Such a great tradition for allowing yourselves to grow as individuals and a couple!

That's a pretty neat idea. But I guess it would only work when the couple is already living together. My BF and I live separately and a holiday is the only time we get to see each other. Once we are married though, I would love to do this. :)

This actually crossed my mind on our last trip when I wanted to do something my husband didn't (probably browse in shops!), but I don't know why I didn't even consider it. Our next trip, I'm definitely going to give this a try. Thanks for the suggestion!

I desperately needed this tip a few weeks ago. My boyfriend came to visit me for three solid weeks of traveling togetherness after nine months of being apart. The shift from not seeing each other apart from Skype chats to 24 hours a day together was more than I could handle. I freaked out and tried to break up with my super sweet boyfriend. Thankfully he figured out what was going on faster than I did and left for a walk around the city alone. He had fun, I had some time alone, and by the time he got back I was feeling sorry for my outburst and ready to make up. If we had just planned in advance to take some time apart the whole episode could have been avoided, and we both could have just enjoyed doing things alone. Excellent advice!

My husband and I do the same thing, I love me-time and so does he and although we like doing the same things a lot we have different interests and I am not one to drag him aorund doing things I know he's not up for. Such a good thing!

My husband and I we always had a day apart on holidays. I can not imagine visiting some things and go shopping with him. We are a couple, but not the same person! I thing that little time apart refresh the relationship and make it stronger, isn't it?

fabulous idea! we are going to india this dec. where my family lives. so not sure my partner (who has never been to india) would try a day where we do different things. but, who knows maybe i might dare him!:)

However, our big tradition is a silly one that began accidentally: my husband always gets a haircut and shave at a wonderful barbershop where ever we vacation. Off the top of my head that has included, barbering at Aidan Gil in New Orleans, a sweet old timey shop in Palm Springs, Rudy's in Portland, some older gentlemen's shop in Los Angeles-- there are others that I'm forgetting. We love it!