Wee Boy: so mom..when I was born did I come out of your penis?
Marley: well women don’t have penises
Wee Boy: What do you mean? Why not?
Marley: well they have something else
Wee Boy: so point to where I came out of you
Marley: well you’ll learn
Wee Boy: did I pop out like a balloon?
Marley: sure why not

Wee Boy: we sit at a table in art class called the Van Gogh Table
Me: oh yeah? Do you know who Vincent Van Gogh was?
Wee Boy: a sumo wrestler?
Me: He was a famous painter. He painted some very famous paintings. He was kind of crazy too.
Wee Boy: well I kind of wish he was a sumo wrestler

Wee Boy (to his friend): so Dave told me all about how Al Capone was a famous gangster and he made lots of money and killed lots of people
Timmy (his friend): really? That’s cool!
Wee Boy: yeah, but he had to go to jail because he didn’t pay his taxes. So he couldn’t sell beer anymore. And that’s why it’s so important to pay your taxes.

(preface: I have no idea what the context here is but the wee boy has a friend over and he’s explaining things to him)

Wee Boy: So Timmy, there’s one thing I want you to never do. Don’t ever split an atom. Seriously. You do that and you’re just asking for a nuclear explosion.
Timmy: Really?
Wee Boy: yeah don’t you remember WWII?
Timmy: oh yeah…you can tell which wars are more violent and cooler because the numbers go up.
Wee Boy: yeah you don’t want to start WWIII

Wee Boy: Dave you know what the problem with Russians are? They’ll ask you “when are your missiles coming?” and even if you don’t have any missiles, they’ll lock you in a room and keep asking you that all night. Like they did to Rambo’s friend”