"I offer a truce to Bush. To solidify this truce, he must smell my finger of justice."

Bush, seeking revenge, responds by sending our nation's latest secret weapon to the Middle East to find Bin Laden and bring him to D.C. so that Osama can smell Nancy Pelosi's finger.

First one to tell me where Osama is gets a free weekend getaway to Neverland Ranch!

(sniff sniff) "Damn, it's lost it's potency. Hey Senator Feinstein, do me a favor Princess and bend over to pick up that pencil I just dropped?"

"Now Nancy, that just isn't nice of you. It's also too late. The NSA has been poking around up my ass for the last couple of years because of all the calls I made to Singapore. Actually my husband made the calls, but I of course took the blame. Go find someone else to refresh your stank-finger of doom."

"Nancy, don't even point your stank-finger at me. I'm a man of the cloth. I might think about it for a cool million, but if you ain't got the green, I ain't gonna lean."

"Did someone say Wild Turkey? I'm game Nancy, whatever you want. Just leave the bottle on my desk. I'm more than willing to take one for the team and get Obama, Obaba, Obamamama, Osamabobamadingdong. Whatever, just get it over with."

"Locked and loaded, full of Kennedy Stank, and ready to kill. Alright Bush, in the famous words of my hero and mentor John Kerry, Bring It On! It's about time the voters of this country see who's really tough on terror."

BC: "You should've seen Pelosi back in 1998 when I told her I had some soft money in my pocket. Talk about a mad woman. Later on I'll have to tell you the story about Teddy boy and what he offered to do for a bottle of Jack. Know what 'Teabagging' is?"

"You guys are a bunch of sick bastards. I can't compete with that. Well, other than that night I spent in a cave with three donkeys and Abib my bodyguard. Screw it, I give up. I surrender. You win. Subject me to your finger of doom."