Today In Dystopian War Robots That Will Harvest Us For Our Organs

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Hey, there, bacteria farms! Robots are coming and they want to hold – and crush – your hand! First up in this week’s TIDWRTWHUFOOl; we present a series of robots that pay attention to you.

How do they work? You call out their names or position in the group and they will follow orders. When you move your head they’ll move with you. While you think they’re paying attention to you, they’re really thinking about how to get at your sweet, sweet brains.

Next we have some sort of German dragonfly robot with built in massive robot arm. Not only can this robot play Zoot Suit Riot with your guts, it can also pull off your fingers like rose petals. We should all probably give up.

Need some good news? A Roomba killed itself after being forced to pick up cereal off of a stovetop. The Roomba apparently finished cleaning, turned off, then turned itself on again and turned on the stove. The resulting fire did not damage to the house but killed the despondent robot. It’s only fitting that these metallic demons go out thanks to depression.