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Thursday, September 30, 2010

Welcome back readers! Thanks so much for all your help with Katie's query. Now we're going to get to know her a little better, but don't worry, she's still working on the query and will let us know when she has a new version to share.

So here is an interview Katie so kindly agreed to give me, even while I am stuck here at work on an overnight shift, monitoring the new hires. Hey, at least it gives me a chance to write and blog, even if the sleep deprivation is starting to make me hallucinate a little.

*was that a hummingbird?*

Sorry. Enough about me. Here's the interview, thanks Katie:

When did you first decide you wanted to be a writer?

It was kind of a natural progression for me. My first love is reading but during various periods in my life - the kind of books I wanted to read weren’t available (either because I read everything in my bookstore/library or, like in the last few years, I’m living in a foreign country where it’s slim pickins for books in English). When I don’t have something to read - I write. In 2009 I finished my first book and just thought ‘If I could do this and earn money, I’d be one of those lucky few who actually love their job’.

How long have you been writing seriously?

Since June 2008. That’s the date I started my first finished manuscript.

What is your favorite thing about writing?

Writing the first draft. I write an outline but when characters start becoming real and situations pop out of nowhere - it feels so magical to me.

What is the most difficult part?

I think all my followers know - revision and editing are my weaknesses. No magic there.

Did you ever play Dungeons and Dragons, the real pen and paper tabletop game?

Um... *looks around self concisously* No?

*did you just answer a question with a question?* Nice.

What about computer or video games based on Dungeons and Dragons?

I refused to be anyone but the Princess in Super Mario Brothers 2. (She could fly!) This might say something about my inner workings …

If you answered no to those previous two what first made you think of writing Fantasy? A book? A film? If you answered yes to either, did they play a part in your decision to write fantasy?

Well, when you think about it - pretty much all fiction is fantasy in some sense, even if you aren’t inventing new worlds. This is my first attempt at a label ‘Fantasy’ book and I have to admit I had a blast just letting my imagination run free - I get to make the rules about how things work and where things are. I don’t know any other activity that can give creativity and my manic control freak side a common goal.

If you had to meet one of your characters in a dark alley who would you last want to meet, and why?

Oooh, good question. I’d have to say ‘Mr. Harold’. He’s a malevolent spirit in my first book who likes to take on the image of a decaying corpse with red eyes. Yum.

And which character would you want there with you for protection?

Probably the MC – Gretchen from that same book. She’s got some warrior spirit guides that would kick Mr. Harold’s ass.

Can you tell us a little more about FOSSEGRIM than what is revealed in your query? For example, a little about your characters, where the idea of them came from, what sparked your initial idea, and how you decided what genre it would be?

Well, I’m one of those people that subconsciously keeps info at the back of my brain. While searching for agents, there were so many who said they want something from a male point of view. And while I didn’t write this ‘for’ the market -- when the idea for a delinquent teenage boy who turns into a stereotypically ‘feminine’ mythological creature came to me, I decided ‘why not just go with it and see where it takes me?’

I’m glad I did. Sage was a blast to write - he’s really jaded and has such a hilarious take on turning into a mermaid. But the book also let me write a lot of action/fighting sequences that I’ve never written before. Fossegrim have some serious enemies - Namely the Fiskari; an organization of Norse fisherman who capture and torture Fossegrim into controlling the weather and migrations in their favor.

Are you working on any other projects right now? If so, could you tell us a little about them? If not, have you got any ideas marinating?

I’ve had this idea in mind for a while that I might start working on; about two rival circus families. One is destroyed in a fire in the 1800’s only to have its members reincarnated and reincorporated over time. A young girl discovers an uncanny talent for the trapeze and is caught up in this ancient war between the two families.

That sounds strangely awesome.

Is there anything else you’d like to add?

Just that, after reading the above - I sometimes feel like a crazy person sharing my delusions. Where do we get this stuff?

Tar-jay? *asked with a cheesy French accent* Man I'm tired.

Fun Random Questions for The End (I stole this interview idea from Jen at Unedited, though I made my own questions up). Which would you rather be?

A Mermaid or a Faerie? Ugh … Faerie. Again … they can fly?In Monaco playing craps or in Nice drinking wine? Nice drinking wine. :)Sailing or skiing? Skiing (If I were good at it, which I’m not).A rich and famous author or a poor but critically acclaimed one? Does that exist? I know I’m supposed to say poor but I’d rather be rich and famous …Watching True Blood or reading Twilight? TRUE BLOOD!!Yes ... TB FTW!Visiting New Zealand or Japan? Japan. I love sushi.Ooh. Me too. I wrote an awesome Sushi post here.

Thanks so much Katie! That was lots of fun. I'm glad it's already after lunch in France and you could share this with me tonight (or last night now). It made the hours zoom right by ... with little squiggly lights.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Today I just want to get right into it. You all remember what's up right? Here is Katie's query with my thoughts.

Dear (specified agent)

I've talked about this before but I do think you make the right choice here, getting right to the story. Unless an agent specifically states that they want to see the housekeeping or the personalization first, just get down to business, STAT.

Seventeen year old Sage Reynolds realized long ago that wishing for a different life is a pretty fruitless venture. This starts out pretty well, but then fizzes out. Cool age, awesome name ... both tell us a lot because we already know what main genre this is going to be (YA) and that the character will probably stand out, but I would like to see more in this first sentence. This sentence is more important than almost any other one. What kind of guy is Sage before he gets the tail? Jock? Band Geek? Bad boy? And why is he wishing for a different life? The way it is written now is too vague. But that doesn’t stop him from wishing anyway, one summer’s eve, on the beaches of Misquamicut, Rhode Island. You've got to clear this up for yesterday's readers. I told people that I thought you told me once that you were from Connecticut before you moved to France, but I can't remember for sure if that is even true. It might have been momentary insanity, or the fact that his foster parents were finally sending him away. In any case, Sage thought the threat of military school was the worst of his problems.

I see that you do touch on the reasons for his wishing here in this paragraph, and I should clarify that it doesn't HAVE to be in the first sentence that this is explained, but if you can find a way to convey it very briefly it will make that hook really pop! Also, this is a good start here with these last two concepts, the foster parents, the threat of military school, but the way they are written here makes it feel like they're just being thrown out there for good measure. Let's see if our reader's can help you convey all the ideas from this first paragraph into once succinct pitch/hook that knocks the reader on their ass and shoves the need to read your pages down their throat.

But that was before he woke up on the bottom of the ocean with a freaking fish tail.

This rocks harder than an ancient barnacle. You don't really need the "but" but it works either way. This is excellent voice, and when this query earns requests it is probably going to be because of this line.

In this 70,000 word YA fantasy, Sage deals with the realities of being ‘Fossegrim’- I had to look this up. Apparently you did not make this creature up. I love the sound of it, for some reason it reminds me of Jotun and Norse mythology. including the discovery of a whole other race living off an enchanted island in the North Sea. The problem though is that this feels like too much telling. Telling is not altogether taboo in queries, but it can get you into trouble. For example right here I'm wondering whether the other race is the same thing as the Fossegrim, and are the Fossgrim essentially just mermen or not? Truth is, Sage never asked to sprout a man-tail hilarious and shoot through the waves like a Disney character on roids. Awesome. He’d do anything to get his old imperfect life back. His one chance at becoming human again lies with a Fossegrim who threw the changing stone down on human land seventy years ago so that she could stay with the man she loved. If Sage can find her and convince her to go back to the ocean, he can reclaim his humanity. Here are the beginnings of a great conflict and choice setup, but this is too confusing and too vague. First of all you need to clarify that Fossgrim are all the same kind of creatures, and that that is the name of the race, not of a character, because right now it's not completely clear. Second this part about the female one throwing down the stone and it somehow being the key to Sage becoming human again sounds awesome, after you re-read it a couple of times to make sure you understand it. You should try to re-word this so that it both sounds more exciting (high stakes) and makes more sense. Readers, can you help with some suggestions?

But his homecoming proves dangerous. Being Fossegrim has made him an enemy to those he was once closest to and, to top it all off, he returns home to find a warrant out for his arrest. Despite Sage’s desire to be human again, his choice between regaining the life he’s lost or protecting the world he’s found won’t be as easy as he once thought. I'm not sure you need this. The main problem as I see it in your query is the lack of specificty. I do like the warrant and how that raises the stakes but it kind of comes out of left field. That doesn't have to be entirely a bad thing but right now I'm left wondering what the plot is, and which part is the main conflict. And who are these enemies?

I began writing my own books and stories at age fifteen and FOSSEGRIM is my third completed manuscript. I also write articles about publishing, the craft of writing, and the querying process which are featured on my blog: http://creepyquerygirl.blogspot.com/. I am twenty eight years old; a married mother of three, and have been residing in France for the last six years. This is debatable. Really the only thing that actually matters is your story, but certain agents may like this kind of thing. Others will hate it though, so be sure to research what kind of mini-bio agents are looking for.

Listing the blog is good, but you should try to make it display properly. The HTML code for displaying a link without showing the whole URL is like this: [a href="http://creepyquerygirl.blogspot.com"]Creepy Query Girl[/a]. Just replace the [ and ] with a <> (I had to write it that way to get it to display). The problem here is that different email carriers will format things differently, so you may just want to use the plain text URL.

Thank you very much for your time. If you feel that this project holds promise, I will send the added material accordingly.

Sincerely,

CQG.

So that's it. Please try to help us out here. Any feedback at all is much appreciated but I would especially love if anyone can help suggest a better and more concise hook for Katie, as well as a re-write about the changing stone main conflict bit. Ideas?

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Today, tomorrow and Thursday we're going to be focusing on Creepy Query Girl AKA Katie Mill's query for her current WIP FOSSEGRIM. Katie is one of my best and oldest (in how long I've known her, not her age) blogging buds and she is one of the sweetest people you could ever meet, so be nice!

Kidding, of course you'll be nice, but also make sure to visit her blog and become a follower if you aren't already.

We're going to work this almost like we did for Katherine Camp and Emily White, except I already have Christina Lee's successful query guest post lined up for Friday so Katie will only be involved three days this week.

Today is just going to be her query as it currently stands. She knows it needs a little work, that's why she's here and why she asked me to take a look at it, but as before, please refrain from giving feedback until tomorrow. I don't want any of you taking all my glory before I've had my say and given her the most incredible feedback she has ever even dreamed of.

I'm kidding, of course ... again, but seriously, please save your feedback/critique of this query until tomorrow. Until then, the query:

Dear (specified agent)

Seventeen year old Sage Reynolds realized long ago that wishing for a different life is a pretty fruitless venture. But that doesn’t stop him from wishing anyway, one summer’s eve, on the beaches of Misquamicut, Rhode Island. It might have been momentary insanity, or the fact that his foster parents were finally sending him away. In any case, Sage thought the threat of military school was the worst of his problems.

But that was before he woke up on the bottom of the ocean with a freaking fish tail.

In this 70,000 word YA fantasy, Sage deals with the realities of being ‘Fossegrim’- including the discovery of a whole other race living off an enchanted island in the North Sea. Truth is, Sage never asked to sprout a man-tail and shoot through the waves like a Disney character on roids. He’d do anything to get his old imperfect life back. His one chance at becoming human again lies with a Fossegrim who threw the changing stone down on human land seventy years ago so that she could stay with the man she loved. If Sage can find her and convince her to go back to the ocean, he can reclaim his humanity.

But his homecoming proves dangerous. Being Fossegrim has made him an enemy to those he was once closest to and, to top it all off, he returns home to find a warrant out for his arrest. Despite Sage’s desire to be human again, his choice between regaining the life he’s lost or protecting the world he’s found won’t be as easy as he once thought.

I began writing my own books and stories at age fifteen and FOSSEGRIM is my third completed manuscript. I also write articles about publishing, the craft of writing, and the querying process which are featured on my blog: http://creepyquerygirl.blogspot.com/. I am twenty eight years old; a married mother of three, and have been residing in France for the last six years.

Thank you very much for your time. If you feel that this project holds promise, I will send the added material accordingly.

Sincerely,

CQG.

So that's it for today. Don't forget to hit up Katie's blog and throw your face down into her follower widget thingy, or whatever avatar you have, and feel free to say hello for now!

Questions and comments are also fine, just save your feedback for tomorrow, please.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Today is my post for The Great Blogging Experiment. As usual I'm a little late, but I had a guest on Friday, so I have an excuse (sort of). The topic for the experiment is how to write compelling characters.

For me it's all about balance. Think of Yin and Yang. Characters are people, they just happen to be people in a story. Sometimes they are sparkly vampires, fallen dark angels, impetuous little girls, or even dirt eating dwarves, but they are always people underneath it all. People are flawed.

Characters, or at least protagonists, must also almost always overcome some kind of conflict. Whether they use cunning, strength, dexterity or good old dumb luck the character must have some kind of skill or talent with which to overcome the conflict and make the choice that allows them to do so. These abilities are like the Yang side of a character or person. People in real life do have talents. It's what makes them an asset at their workplace, the best hitter on their softball team, or the better parent in their family at diffusing toddler meltdowns. Characters in books or film can have their talents magnified or blurred, depending on where in the spectrum between superhero action story and depressing melodrama the story in which they exist lies.

Characters must also be flawed. Flawed and sometimes vulnerable. They must grow jealous of others who have more than them. They must covet things that they want but cannot have. They must be selfish when it comes to resources that allow for survival. These weaknesses are like the Yin side of a character or person. There are many more examples but the point is that for characters to be believable, even lovable, they must be human. Vulnerability is the other side of the coin. Whether emotionally vulnerable or in actual physical danger vulnerability is a sense of weakness that is not the character's fault. Flaws are a part of who they are; vulnerability is a part of a situation they are in. Picture Harry, Ron and Hermione in that tent in the woods in The Deathly Hallows. Can you imagine a position of greater vulnerability?

Keep in mind that in Taoist philosophy (which the concept of Yin and Yang comes from), there is no good and evil, only balance.

I could go on about all of this but I won't. For it simply all comes down to balance. Characters must have talents, to get them through obstacles, but they must also be flawed and occasionally vulnerable in order to make them believable.

I can't add the linky list below because it is closed, but please visit Elana's post, here, to see the original list of entries for this awesome blogfest!

Friday, September 24, 2010

Good morning and happy Friday readers! Today's guest blogger is going to be Melissa Gill, and she will be sharing her query for ZOMBIE RABBIT. Don't forget to visit her blog and become a follower.

Neither Melissa or I are going to be analyzing her query today. The reason for this is Melissa's note below in blue. She makes a great point about conferences and she very well may be right about her query.

Dear Mr. Fraser:

I had the opportunity to receive your critique of my novel, ZOMBIE RABBIT, at the St. Louis Agents Day on 3/20/10. I think this is probably what did it right here. I doubt if he read any farther, and it’s a good reason to attend conferences when you can. I used your suggestions to craft a complete revision of my novel. I would be honored if you would take a look at any or all of it.

Milo Thimbleberry is a rabbit bumbling down the road of life when he’s run over by a truck. Most rabbits move on to the Misty Meadow when they die, but not Milo. He realizes that he’s been turned into a zombie and, man, death stinks. He can’t get a nap in, scavengers won’t leave him alone, and his parents drive him away.

He wants to move on to the Misty Meadow, but he didn’t live up to his potential while he was alive. Grandmother Oaketower, the guardian of the forest gives him a second chance, but he’ll have to lead a hero’s quest if he wants to see the afterlife. If he can save a rabbit from an animal testing lab before the next full moon, or before he and his friends disintegrate completely, he and his friends can all move on.

Milo shepherds the group of zombies on a journey inspired by the Odyssey (with woodland animals.) They have to out riddle the vulpine Circe, escape the vulturine Scylla, and avoid the voluptuous Sirens.

Milo and his followers overcome every challenge that’s thrown at them and one by one earn the chance to move on.

ZOMBIE RABBIT is Middle Grade, Humor, complete at 31,500 words.

I’m an active member of my local SCBWI.

Thank you for taking the time to consider my query.

Melissa L. Gill

I think Melissa's story idea and premise sound quite fun. It seems like a perfect idea for younger middle grade, and something that might be especially appealing to young boys, which is always important.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

I'm a little late to the party, as usual, but this is a topic that means something to me. I'm sure you've all seen the countless posts around our writing blogoshpere about the gentleman, Wesley Scroggins, who would like to see Laurie Halse Anderson's novel, Speak, banned from public schools in his state, Missouri.

I'm not going to go into the specifics of why he thinks the book is filthy and immoral, or why he calls two scenes containing sexual abuse "softcore porn", partly because I haven't read the book but also partly because it doesn't even matter to me what this book is about. Okay, it does matter a little, because from what I hear it is a powerful, poignant and important story, especially for young women, of which I am raising two. But I don't want to get into any of that. I just want to talk about banning books and censorship in general.

Censorship is a bit like diet pills. It doesn't work, and when it is carried out it does more harm than good. At least it does to society, though it can be very good for sales. I would now like to list some books that were at one time banned. I'm only going to include books that I have actually read because I would like to illustrate how important a book can be in a person's life.

Think about the irony of that last one for a second. A book about not only banning, but actually burning books. And they wanted to ban it. Hell someone somewhere probably burned it.

Now take a look at the entire list - there are obviously other great classics that people tried to ban, but these are the important ones that I have read - think about what our lives would be like without these novels. It's difficult to fathom.

I left comments on every blog I saw that talked about SPEAK this week. The point I tried to make was that banning books doesn't work. You may as well try to ban knowledge. It is my humble opinion that literacy and literature are both basic human rights. I allow both my daughters to read any book they find an interest in. If I am concerned about the content I make sure to read that book myself, so that we can discuss it together, as a family. If my daughter wanted to read Lolita I would be a little concerned about where she heard of it, and why she was curious about the story, but I would not forbid her to read it. She is 14 so I might try to encourage her to wait a few years, until she would be able to understand it better, but I would not forbid it.

It is our current culture of fear, abstinence and censorship that gives real power to the evils of the world. Hermione Granger said it rather well when she said fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself. Rape, incest, and sexual abuse such as what occurs in Speak, or takes place in Lolita, or in countless other novels do exist in real life. They are terrible things, sometimes destroying people's lives for good. But to pretend they don't exist, to sweep them under the carpet as if your child's bible study group, and her crucifix and her willingness to practice abstinence are going to protect her from all harm is the epitome of ignorance.

There are horrible things and horrible people out there in our world, in our society. To pretend that they don't exist, or to be unwilling to acknowledge them only lends more power to the vice grip of control they hold over good and decent people.

I would like to say to mister Wesley Scroggins and to the school board of the county in which he lives: please don't ban Speak. Please don't ban any books, whether they cover tough topics that make parents uncomfortable around their kids or simply have some fun fantasy story elements that contain the black magic known as witchcraft, don't censor them. Please just make sure that any child who does read these books and has tough questions about their topics doesn't have to find an answer to them alone. It takes a village.

Also, one day when I finally get published, please do ban my book. Nothing increases sales or makes an author earn critical acclaim faster than a little good old fashioned censorship.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

There is never enough. Never enough time, never enough posts, never enough comments, never enough followers. Each single one is like an injection of happiness.

Today I am on Step Five.

I've admitted to Him, Nathan Bransford, to myself, and to another human being (my readers) the exact nature of my wrongs.

- I didn't shower for 2 weeks when I reached 100 followers.- I gave my kids pop tarts for dinner because I was working on the guest post for Elana Johnson.- I fed my kids Ritz crackers and cheese from an aerosol can because I was working on the guest post for Lisa and Laura Roecker.- I cried and ate ice cream and took too many muscle relaxers when no one read any of my posts for the first week.- I laid in bed for weeks when I got hard to swallow feedback about my novel. I neglected hygiene, parenting, taking the dog out and going to work for so long I developed bed sores and my leg muscles atrophied.

Soon I may share about Step Six.

Disclaimer: This post is satirical. It is not meant to offend anyone, or to belittle the integrity of 12 Step Programs anywhere, which have saved countless lives since their inception.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I may be a day late and a dollar short, but here is my entry into the Top 10 TV Shows Blogfest. I would like to thank Alex for coming up with this and everyone else for participating and making it so much fun. Here are my top 10 TV shows, in no real particular order:

1) The Wire.Brutal. Harsh. Real. The Wire is based on real life in Baltimore's city streets, one of the most dangerous places in America. It portrays the brutality of inner city poverty with courage and honesty unknown before or since. Plus one of my favorite novelists was involved in writing several of the screenplays: Richard Price.

2) The OfficeIt was so subtle at first, what made this show hilarious, just real people, in an office, doing work and living life. Of course yes Michael Scott is one of the most annoying and funniest characters ever created, and love him or hate him (I happen to love him), you can't deny his impact on the "sitcom". Plus Jim, Dwight and Michael are basically the perfect comedy trio. A modern day Marx Brothers.

3) Entourage.This show is so much fun. Before you slam me I am aware of the inherent misogyny within this show, especially portrayed by Ari Gold, but that's sort of the point. An over the top, satirical look at Hollywood, that's honest and not afraid to make fun of itself. Plus it's fun as hell to watch, completely unbelievable, and as hilarious as it is exciting.

4) True Blood.How can a show be this ridiculous and this awesome at the same time? You thought twilight made vampires cool again? Wrong. Maybe sparkly ones, maybe for kids, but True Blood goes all out with violence, drug use, sex and nudity. There is no question this show is for adults, and depraved ones at that. Still, you can't deny the entertainment value of this campy romp of sex, blood, gore and violence.

5) Glee.I haven't had more fun watching a show with my family (my kids, not my parents) ever. There are occasional moments that fly swiftly over my daughter's head, but the music, the singing, the production value in this show know no equal. Plus the concept of bringing back rockin tunes that might have been left by the wayside otherwise is a stellar one. The message of equality cleverly woven underneath it all is also pretty darn cool.

6) The X Files.Oh the files that were filed under X. Oh Mulder. Oh Scully. Oh Smoking man and Krycek. This was a show from a simpler time. When weird was cool and "big picture" episodes were waited for with bated breath. At least by me. The movies weren't bad, but it was the show that stole my heart. This was the first and only show I planned to watch every week once I finally was out on my own.

7) The Simpsons.Only in America could a show poke so much fun at real issues in our society and still be so beloved. Only Matt Groening could be so cruel toward New Jersey while being from there originally. The Simpsons are timeless. The Simpsons are hilarious. The Simpsons was probably the first cartoon on national TV that wasn't really appropriate for children, and we loved it for that.The simpsons made Fox cool.

8) Avatar: The Last Airbender.The show, not the film. This one was a recent discovery for me, but it was also honestly the very first show my own kids introduced to me that I actually ended up loving. This show has it all, martial arts, magical manipulation of the elements, romance, comedy, a quest to save the world. The characters are very lovable, and there are some moments of slapstick that get a little cheesy, but for the most part this is a kids show that adults can enjoy as well.

9) L.A. LawI actually don't even remember this show that well, but it was the first show my parents watched that I got into at all. I was already a huge Harry Hamlin fan because of Clash of the Titans, and I remember Corbin Bernsen and Jimmy Smits' characters quite well. This show was more of a soap opera than most modern lawyer shows today, but I recall clearly that this was what first made me want to be an attorney. Well, this and the money.

10) M.A.S.H.The original sitcom. The show that spanned generations. The show that defined many younger Americans understanding of the Korean War until they grew up and found a better understanding. Hawkeye. Trapper. Hot Lips. Klinger. Hunnicutt. Radar. Major Burns. Need I say more? The finale of this show was the most watched television event in history until the Super Bowl that was played this year.

So what do you all think? Discover any new shows during this awesome blogfest? I know I did. Please remember to visit all the other bloggers who participated as there have been a great many wonderful shows, actors and performances mentioned. You will enjoy all of these posts immensely.

Monday, September 20, 2010

So this weekend, on Saturday, I took my eldest daughter Kylie down to the Cobb Galleria Center just outside Atlanta for the convention called Anime Weekend Atlanta. My daughter is obsessed with all things Japanese, but especially Anime (animated films from Japan) and Manga (graphic novels from Japan).

Personally I love Japanese culture, and even incorporate some of it into my current WIP (like Aikido, a martial art, Kenjutsu, another martial art, Calligraphy, the ancient form of writing known as Kanji, and Zen Buddhism). However, this kind of nerd fest would not normally be my thing (I rock my nerd card proudly, I'm just shy and afraid dork overload), but I went anyway, because I love my daughter, she had been planning on attending for weeks, and her friend and friend's mother had bailed on her.

So we gathered our cash, printed our registration forms, loaded the Honda and hit the road. We drove 30 minutes or so to Atlanta, found the convention, parked at the top of a huge garage and headed in. Things got weird pretty quickly.

I'll share some photos we took at the event with you all. It won't be quite as awesome as Shannon Shame, but it will have to do.

This was taken soon after we arrived. That's Kylie standing next to a young man dressed up as Aang from Avatar: The Last Airbender. Hopefully he's the kid from the show, because she hated the film.

Sorry for the blurriness but our camera is not the best. This is a young lady and another person of unknown gender dressed up as Naruto and Kakashi from the Anime TV show: Naruto: Shippuden. Naruto is Kylie's favorite show and she loved these characters, even though neither one is her absolute favorite.

This was just really creepy. Apparently these costumes have something to do with the video game Silent Hill. To me they're just gross.

This one has a great story behind it. The guy in white is from the video game Assasin's Creed. I'm not positive but I believe he is Altair from the first game, rather than Ezio from the second. The story is that we noticed him in the hall, and I pointed him out to Kylie (this was when she was still being really nervous and shy, and wouldn't let me take any photos). So he apparently heard me point him out, because he snuck up behind us and followed us like an assassin for a while. He freaked Kylie out a little, but then she laughed and let me take the picture.

The kid is another one of hundreds of Naruto.

This one really creeps me out. That's Kylie. She's wearing the color contacts that she bought at the convention which make her eyes look like cat's eyes. It is really freaky.

Kylie writes a lot of fan fiction. Her favorite stories are based on the Naruto universe but include an original character she made up: Mononoke Tsumami. She is a female ninja who turns into a demon when she grows angry. I wish she would write more completely original stories, but I must say I'm happy that she writes at all. Kylie spent her own money to get these things, and she scared the crap out of mom at home later.

Here she is with a woman dressed up as Gaara from Naruto. I bought Kylie a cheap knock off Kimono with a fake Obi, but she loved it and it was a great leverage device to get her to pose for more photos.

This one is my all time favorite. I'm not sure what these two dudes were doing at the Anime convention but I loved their costumes so much I HAD to share. For those who don't know that's Hunter S. Thompson and his psychotic attorney from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, the film which stars two of my favorite actors: Johnny Depp and Benicio Del Toro. Great novel, great film, great writer. Hunter S. Thompson was probably not a very good person, but he was a great writer and you can't deny his impact on popular culture.

We left the convention as the sun began to slip toward the horizon, and guess what? We (I) had left the headlights on (the poor Honda no longer has a headlight alarm) and the battery was dead. Luckily we were saved shortly after by a young man who had his own original character. He was some kind of Wizard with an awesome staff, but we loved him mostly for his kind heart, and his car battery.

So that's all the photos and stories I have to share. I didn't get much writing done this weekend. I need to get on that. How did you all spend your time away from the daily grind?

Friday, September 17, 2010

I don't have much for you guys today but I do have this announcement about the packages I received last night! See all the books that arrived?

Catching Fire, Mockingjay, and Nightshade City are the books I ordered from Amazon with the gift card I got when I got my buddy Cleve to sign up for Gamefly. Get a friend to sign up for an awesome video games by mail service and get free books? Hell yes.

I'm a little ticked that Nightshade City's title didn't show up properly in this photo because it's a beautiful cover and Hilary Wagner is the best ever. It's very exciting because this is the first time ever that I have actually held a real life book in my hand that was written by someone I know, sort of. Hilary is the nicest person you could ever meet. Be sure to visit her blog here and become a follower. You can also read the post where she shared her query with me and The QQQE readers, here.

Linger was sent to me by none other than the lovely Candace Ganger (Beth), because she hearts me (Tim) and wanted to get some crap out of her way before she moved (after). That's what the pink post-it says. "Thanks for taking some crap off my hands, Tim". Candace and I have nick names for each other because we are both slightly mentally ill. Or at least I am. I don't know her well enough to know for sure. Now I have to run out and buy Shiver because my daughter Kylie really wants to jump right into that series.

I had wanted to read Nightshade City right away but my younger daughter Madison has now claimed that one. That's okay. Catching Fire will get me through the weekend.

What are you all reading now? Don't you love having free books show up at your door?

Thursday, September 16, 2010

As most of you know if you've read this blog for very long I don't do blogfests. I don't do blog hops, contests, or awards either. This is not because I hate humanity. I promise. In fact I love you guys. You brought me back from the underwear soiled edge of despair at which I almost gave up writing.

Okay, that might be a little dramatic, but seriously, you guys rock!

The real reason I don't do these follower deluge inducing exercises is because I'm just not organized enough. Case in point: I was supposed to take part in Sheri Larsen's awesome I Got U blogfest ... wait for it ... yesterday. Yeah. I'm on top of it like that. Not to make excuses but I generally write my blog posts the morning of. Unless I have a guest. That would just be rude.

The idea is to give one of your fellow bloggers some love. I'm sort of like a hot ghetto mess of love for ALL my fellow bloggers so it's tough to pick just one, but I do try to build the community up whenever I can so this is a great topic for me. I have selected Candace Ganger to highlight today because ... well for many reasons, but mostly because we're kindred spirits and she rocks.

I could go on for quite some time about what is wonderful about Candace, but I'll try to keep this simple. On the surface the thing that endears me to Candace most is her sense of humor and her honesty. Candace is a lot like myself in that she is rude, crass, and jaded - er, wait ... I meant witty, hilarious, and ultimately ghetto fabulous. Candace has a unique, sort of twisted sense of humor that makes me laugh and cry while peeing my pants just a teeny bit nearly every single day. Hubs is kind of funny too.

Candace also has a wisdom and an outlook on the world that only comes from having lived a tough life full of pain. It wouldn't be my place to talk about this at all if she weren't so open and honest about the real her quite regularly on her blog. This is another thing we have in common, though Candace is better at expressing it.

If it were just these things about Candace she would already be pretty fresh (like a rapper fresh, not like produce) but there is more. We all know of her love of all things Matt Brady and New Medicine, but Candace is also one of the most giving bloggers I know. Not only was she the first to interview the little angel that is Lenny Lee, but she also held one of the most epic and selfless/giving contests I have ever had the privilege to bear witness to.

It's over but you should still go check out her Joy to the World contest just to get an idea of what a beautiful heart this lady has. Yes I did win a prize in the contest (it was a tandem critique from authors Tawna Fenske and Cynthia Reese, and it's been the best thing that happened to my book, ever), but that's not what makes it awesome. What makes it awesome is the cause. The cause and how much work, love, blood, sweat, and letting go of fear that Candace put into making it a success. She had t-shirts, custom graphics, music downloads, and so much more, all in an effort to improve the lives of our fellow human beings in Ghana, a country where a bucket for clean drinking water is a luxury of the wealthy.

Sweet, hilarious, kind and giving? AND organized enough to pull off something as epic as Joy to the World? Candace gets my vote for blogger of the universe any day.

That's all I have for now. I know I'm late to the party (sorry Sheri) but please take a moment to visit these other bloggers who participated in the I Got U blogfest:

Those links are to their front pages, so if they posted today you'll have to check the archives from yesterday for their post for the blogfest, but you can blame me and my seat of the pants blogging habits for screwing that up for everybody.

Announcement: If you look at my sub-sub title you will see that I have no guest set up for tomorrow's post. I have no idea what I'm going to write about. What I need from you people is help finding some more guests. Anyone who has ever submitted a query to an agent that earned them at least a partial request can take part. You just have to have a copy of that query you can share with me. Do any of you have one? Know someone who does? Know someone who might have one but you don't know for sure and want me to ask them?

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

I would like to ask you all about something I've been wondering over lately.

I sometimes wonder whether I am too uptight with my children about using proper English. My parents were never very strict with me about it when I was young but they both were highly educated and always spoke properly, especially around the dinner table.

My children sometimes say things like "I did really good," or "I don't want to do nothing." I always make sure to correct them politely when they do this. "You did really well?" I ask. You don't want to do anything?" I correct.

In general good is an adjective and well is an adverb so it makes no sense to say "did good", but it is also not quite so simple. See Grammar Girl's excellent post on the subject for more details. Double negatives are much simpler of course, because if you DON'T want to do NOTHING, then logically you WANT to do SOMETHING.

There is nothing wrong with speaking incorrectly on purpose, to be cool, hip, or for humor, but I believe that you ought to know how to speak (and therefore write) correctly first.

I mean I can speak regional slang with the best of them:

In Boston my skills would be wicked pissah, boyo.In New York they would be game tight, son.In Los Angeles they would be the shizzle, dog.

Anyway that sure was silly but my point is that to truly understand slang and colloquialisms I believe you must truly appreciate proper English. I'm by no means an expert grammarian, just ask my critique group, but I do have a decent vocabulary and I believe in knowing the meaning of words, both the denotation and the common connotations before you put them to use. I hope to instill a similar love of language in my daughters.

The reason this came up is that last night my fourth grader was talking about her Horizons classes. Here in Georgia that is the accelerated track for reading and writing in elementary school. For some reason the terms B.C. and A.D. came up. She got Before Christ right but when she said that A.D. meant After Death I was surprised. When I asked her where she heard that and she said her Horizons teacher, I got a little upset.

A brief breakdown: A.D. stands for Anno Domini or sometimes Anno Domine which is a Medievil Latin phrase that roughly translated means In the Year of Our Lord. It is sometimes specified more fully as Anno Domini Nostri Iesu (Jesu) Christi (In the Year of Our Lord Jesus Christ). Basically these two terms are used in the Gregorian and Julian Calendars to refer to the era before Christ's birth, and the era after. There is no year zero; 1 A.D. directly follows 1 B.C. It would make no sense for A.D. to stand for After Death (or after his death, or whatever) because then there would be no calendar reference for the 33 years he was alive.

Needless to say I was a little upset that her accelerated teacher didn't know this. This kind of thing seems to be pretty common in public education here in Georgia. Then I calmed down, reminded myself that I am sometimes an uptight and total nerd about stuff, and that this teacher was probably not a history or a latin major, and I calmly explained the correct usage to my daughter, throwing in a little B.C.E. (Before Common Era) for good measure.

She wasn't very interested, but she did listen politely. Hopefully she'll remember it.

Here endeth the lesson.

So what do you all think? Is it important to teach our children proper English? If so how high of a priority should it be? What do you do when you hear of a teacher telling your child something that you know is incorrect?

P.S. Sorry I made it to almost no one's blog yesterday. We have hired new people again and I spent most of the day training one of them. I will probably make it to very few blogs again today. I'm going to need a BA meeting very soon. Where's my sponsor?!? Beth?!?

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I love bloggers. Nothing makes me feel better than introducing a friend to a blog I enjoy reading that they might not have found otherwise.

It's like a big fat crack rock.

Today I am on Step Four.

I'm making a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself.

- At first I thought I was such a great writer I would barely need to revise. I've since learned better.- At first I thought I was bad ass enough that I could do it alone. I can't.- At first I though literary agents were legendary creatures of might and hubris, inspiring fear and servitude. I've since learned that some of them are human.- At first I thought that no one would read my blog, that no one would care. I've now learned that this community of writers is made up of the most amazing people I could ever imagine.- Getting published is important enough to me spend years working toward it if necessary. I believe in myself and I will not give up.

Soon I may share about Step Five.

Disclaimer: This post is satirical. It is not meant to offend anyone, or to belittle the integrity of 12 Step Programs anywhere, which have saved countless lives since their inception.

Monday, September 13, 2010

So I finished reading The Hunger Games this weekend. Wow. What a plot. What a character.

There were several things that struck me about this book. The first and probably the most obvious strength of this book is the pacing. Suzanne Collins has a unique ability to clutch the readers attention with her words and make it nearly impossible to put this book down. One thing she does that is especially compelling is to break her chapters up at a moment when it would normally be least expected. Her cliffhangers are unequaled by anything I've read recently. As a father with a day job I no longer have time to read books in one sitting. But I came closer with this novel than I have with any of late.

I don't have time to go on about this book forever but one other thing I would like to point out about Suzanne Collins is her writing. It's not simple, exactly, but I think the term direct describes it well. I've gotten some feedback recently about my own writing which basically has clued me in to how much I overwrite when it comes to description and setting a scene. Suzanne Collins does not have that problem. Of course she is writing for a YA audience, so there is that to consider but even as an adult I find her writing to be perfect for her subject matter. She does not use long sentences and tends to get right to the action. She occasionally spends some times describing something like an outfit the characters are wearing but there is a plot related reason for this that I won't go into for spoiler reasons.

Here is one quick example of a sentence from The Hunger Games that I thought said SO much with SO FEW words:

... she gives me a nod, and as she slips a spoon into my hand, I feel the pressure of friendship.

Even though I'm sure most of you have read it I'm not going to ruin it for others by sharing the context in which this occurred, but I will say that it would have most likely taken me several sentences to get that point across. I'm going to try to be more concise as I continue to re-write WARRIOR-MONKS.

In other news my new found friend and blogger buddy Jared Larson has a wonderful plan for an interview with one of my favorite people. He intends to do it soon but not until he has a certain amount of followers. I'm not giving anything else away but I will say please go visit this guy's blog and follow him! I want to read this interview!

Friday, September 10, 2010

Whew. It's been a long week. No I'm not that upset by the Vikings loss last night, just a little worried about some major holes in the offense. We don't appear to have a single viable number one receiver. TE Visanthe Shiancoe is awesome, but a TE getting double covered is pretty much gonna get shut down. At least the Defense looked pretty good, even with several backups starting in the secondary.

Anyway enough about football. I would like to thank Emily very much for letting me feature her here all week. It takes a lot of courage to put your writing out there for others to judge. She deserves all our respect.

Now, let's get to know her a little better, the interview:

When did you first decide you wanted to be a writer?

I think I was born wanting to be a writer. In fact, my mother gave me and my sisters pretty names she could imagine gracing the cover of a book. Writing is just one of those things I can’t honestly remember NOT wanting to do.

How long have you been writing seriously?

I dabbled with writing (and considered myself serious) when I was about thirteen, but I didn’t really get into doing it consistently until a boyfriend in college ticked me off and I decided he’d make a good villain. I actually finished that book, but it’s been permanently shelved.

What is your favorite thing about writing?

Falling in love with my characters. I feel like each new book is the start of a relationship. The moment I earn my characters’ trust and they start sharing all their little secrets I feel like I’m staring into my child’s eyes for the first time. It’s amazing.

What is the most difficult part?

Accepting the fact that the first draft is going to be horrible. I keep wanting to go back and edit while writing. It slows me down considerably and I end up having a hard time finishing.

Did you ever play Dungeons and Dragons, the real pen and paper tabletop game?

Haha! Um…no. I honestly had never even heard of D&D until college and I must admit my friends didn’t look upon it very favorably. I probably would have loved it because I love all that role playing stuff, but alas, I never did get to experience it.

What about computer or video games based on Dungeons and Dragons?

I’m obsessed with Civilization. Does that count? How about CIV III Gold Edition? There are magical lands on that one! No?

My husband and I thought about getting into WoW, but I’m so intimidated by it. It seems like such a close-knit community of people who know exactly what they’re doing. I would feel like a dumb butt.

If you had to meet one of your characters in a dark alley who would you last want to meet, and why?

Ooh! This is a hard one! I’d probably have to go with the Kofra (leader of the evil people) because he’s not necessarily evil even though his society is. He honestly believes in what he’s doing and he’s really convincing. He’s one of those guys you’d hate to have to debate unless you didn’t mind questioning every last thing about yourself.

And which character would you want there with you for protection?

Without question, Malik. He’s probably the only person in the book who wouldn’t fall for the Kofra’s brainwashing. He’s one of those guys who just doesn’t care. He knows who he is, what he wants out of life, and doesn’t let anyone or anything else define him.

Can you tell us a little more about ELEMENTAL than what is revealed in your query? For example, a little about your characters, where the idea of them came from, what sparked your initial idea, and how you decided what genre it would be?

You are probably going to learn more about me than you wanted to if I answer this question, but okay.

ELEMENTAL lived as a pretty little fantasy for about 12 years in my head. I always loved fairies and imagined what it would be like if I actually was one. Even in my imaginings, fairies came from some far off planet, so I think it always wanted to be a sci-fi. I loved everything having to do with science, so I tried to think of how fairies COULD exist without all the magic and what they would be like. Even the ability to control the elements is explained scientifically. Actually, when I came up with that concept, it created a whole slew of problems that I think added a few nice plot twists. And yes, I’m being secretive.

When I decided to turn it into a book, the MC was still a lot like me. Now, though, the only thing we have in common is the blonde hair and blue eyes. Ella is a lot cooler than I could ever be. She’s also a little crazier than I would prefer to admit I am.

In fact, the whole idea around ELEMENTAL is completely different compared to how it started out in my head. The only things that stayed the same are the races of Auri (alien fairy race). They had always been split up into the Windbringers, Watergatherers, and Firestarters. Now, though, the story has been influenced by my time in the military and been morphed essentially into a military sci-fi with elements of magical realism.

Wow. That was a long answer. :o Sorry.

Are you working on any other projects right now? If so, could you tell us a little about them? If not, have you got any ideas marinating?

I’m working on two projects right now:

Hansel and Gretel is about a company (Gretel) that creates a community in Hansel Valley, Utah for its workers and their families. When the children start going missing, Sebastian is the only one who remembers they existed at all. There are zombies, dinosaurs, self-aware computer programs, and even some mention of Roswell.

Army Strong is a book I’m toying around with about my career in the Army. At this point I’m writing it as an autobiographical novel, but I’ve heard those aren’t entirely popular, so I may just write it for my family.

Is there anything else you’d like to add?

I just wanted to thank everyone again for all their help with my query. There’s no way I could have gotten it as good as I did without such great feedback.

Fun Random Questions for The End (I stole this interview idea from Jen at Unedited, though I made my own questions up). Which would you rather be?

Wielding a Lightsaber or a Katana? Lightsaber! I’d take that mind control gift, too. ;)

On a Freighter running from a Fallen Angel or stuck in a prison ship? On the Freighter, definitely. There are horrors in that prison ship I would never want to come across.

In the middle of a desert or the middle of the ocean? Desert. The whole vastness of the ocean has always terrified me.

Reading The Hunger Games trilogy or Writing The Lord of the Rings trilogy? Oh boy, can’t I have both? Actually, if I had written LOTR, I would have butchered it and that’s just not a nice thing to do. So I will happily take reading The Hunger Games.

An Elf or a Dragon? Hmm…a dragon. I’ve always wanted to be able to fly!

A Dwarf or a Hobbit? Hobbit! I used to have a crush on Frodo Baggins. :D Me too ... well, more of a brush (that's a bro crush)!

Thanks so much Emily, this has been great fun. Any other questions readers? Thoughts? Don't forget to visit Emily's blog and become a follower!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Here is Emily's new query, which she has updated based on our advice, yay!

Dear Super Agent:

Personal stuff.

Emily has a great point about this. She wanted to make sure to let me know that she puts this here because her dream agent prefers it there. The best advice for this is to find out what each agent wants, but if they don't say I would still advise jumping right into the story.

Seventeen year old Ella thinks it just sucks that life gets worse after escaping an interstellar prison ship. For one, in prison no one expected her to do anything except sit around all day in a dark, dank, dirty, depressing…well, you get it. But now, everyone she meets—though as nice as they may be—seems to think she’s supposed to save the galaxy from a war-happy fallen angel with a god complex—or die trying.

I mean, have they seen her? Years of solitary confinement haven’t exactly prepared her for fighting, or walking—or any semblance of balance on two feet for that matter.

But after being nearly ripped to pieces by some all-too-hungry giant bugs, Ella discovers a latent ability she never knew she had. Anybody order crispy critters? With fire now at her tenuous disposal, Ella’s forced to admit she might be different and come to terms with the monster raging inside her—the monster that would like nothing more than to watch the universe burn. Unfortunately, the god she’s supposed to fight’s not sitting around waiting for her to figure everything out. He knows the prophecy claiming she’s the one meant to kill him. But he also knows he’s got a better chance of winning and plunging the galaxy into a veritable hell if he takes her before she learns the scope of her power. If Ella doesn’t embrace the monster and stand up to this god, she won’t be the only one to end up dead.

ELEMENTAL, a 66,000 word YA Science Fiction set in a galaxy in desperate need of change, is rife with teleporting fairies, interstellar battleships, and things that go boom.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Emily White

This is so much better Emily! Great work. Just remember a query is never really done and if it's not getting the request rate you'd hoped for you can always come ask the community for more help. It's what we're here for.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Today is Emily's query again, but I will add my thoughts and ask you all to do the same. Let's get right into it.

Dear Super Agent:

(Personal stuff)

You all probably know my feelings about this by now. Personalization is good, especially if you can show that you have really researched an agent, but my OPINION is that you should jump right into your story, and cover that other stuff after.

Ella didn’t think her problems were going to get worse after escaping an interstellar prison ship, and she certainly didn’t think she’d be expected to save the galaxy.

This sets up setting and stakes/conflict pretty well, but for your opening hook to really zing I think you need more idea of character. Even adding an occupation and age before Ella's name might be enough. Especially if this is YA or NA. If Ella is older it's not as important.

For example I call my MC a reluctant juvenile delinquent in my query. True, that's not actually an occupation but it tells us loads about his character in three quick words: he gets in trouble a lot, but he doesn't mean to. You obviously don't have to do that, but I do think it's important to give some idea of why a reader should care about your character, even before you get to plot and setting, even if you have to call her a kick ass wheel chair wielding elemementomancer.

Her feet barely touch solid ground before the prison ship guards notice Ella’s missing and chase her all the way into the middle of a giant bug infested desert—giant bugs who just happen to have a taste for meat. Watch your tense. With sharp-edged pincers ripping away at her flesh, an ability Ella never knew she had is awakened. Anybody order crispy critters? With fire now at her tenuous disposal, Ella hops aboard a freighter on its way to a planet well outside her captors’ territory.

This paragraph is mostly good. You have several phrases that are dripping with awesome voice - which is great, but I'm also confused by your opening and when she discovers her powers. The opening I don't get because although I know from previous versions Ella is somewhat crippled at first (right?), this comes at us out of nowhere in this version, and leaves the reader wondering what you mean about her feet touching the ground. The part about gaining her powers isn't so bad, but I would like to hear how they were awakened a little more.

Making friends is something she hoped she’d do, but these friends have some bad news: she’s part of some alien race everyone thought was a myth. And more specifically, she’s destined to fight a fallen angel with a god complex, or die trying.

This paragraph is similar, it ends quite strong, with great voice, wit, and sense of stakes regarding the main conflict in your plot, but I'm left wondering which friends you mean. Are you talking about the people on the freighter she escapes in? If so just a teeny bit more about them might help. We don't need names, just what kind of people are they?

Problem is, years of solitary confinement didn’t really prepare Ella for fighting—or walking—or any semblance of balance on two feet for that matter. Honestly, she doesn’t even know if she wants to fight him. In a perfect world, Ella would be left alone. But here’s the thing: this god’s not exactly sitting around waiting for her to make up her mind. If Ella doesn’t hurry up and decide what’s really important—a life with her friends or a galaxy where living is actually possible—she won’t be the only one to end up dead.

This is great, it conveys an excellent sense of character, but ... that stuff needs to come first. There are no hard fast rules when it comes to queries, but giving the reader a reason to care about your character ASAP is pretty important. This part about her legs, and about her reluctance to fight is awesome, well written, concise, and very informative, but you need to work it in much earlier.

ELEMENTAL, a 65,000 word YA Science Fiction set in a galaxy in desperate need of change, is rife with teleporting fairies, interstellar battleships, and things that go boom.

This is pure gold, assuming your novel is as funny as most of this query. That is all.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Emily White

I realize this is general, somewhat vague advice, and it often helps to have more specific examples of how to change things, but I'm hoping to get to that through people's comments and perhaps via email between us later today or this week.

So, that being said, does anyone have any specific examples they could give Emily of how to re-write a particular part of her query? I think a new hook with more characterization tossed in would be especially helpful.

Otherwise feel free to leave your thoughts or questions in the comments, and as always, thanks for visiting!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

This morning I would like to introduce you all to my buddy Emily White, from Stepping into Fantasy. Emily didn't win any contests but she did ask very nicely if I would help her with her query. So I am going to. This week.

Before we get to that I would like to make a couple quick announcements:

Thanks to Karen G from Coming Down the Mountain for hosting the simple but fun BBQ blogfest. I met tons of new bloggers and even gained at least ten new followers. Thanks Karen, welcome BBQers!

My friend and writing mentor Bryan Russell needs your help. Please visit his blog The Alchemy of Writing for details but essentially he needs sponsors for the Terry Fox Run he will be partaking of on September 19th. It's a 10k run for a good cause so please visit his blog for more info.

Now on to Emily's query. Emily would like to thank everyone who lent a hand during WriteOnCon, especially all the awesome hosts. She knows her query needs some work, but she's got an awesome idea for a tale so I think it will be worth our while to lend a hand.

Today is just for introductions and to get an idea of her query. Please don't give any feedback until tomorrow, after I've shared my own, so that I can seem cool and wise.

Now! To the query:

Dear Super Agent:

(Personal stuff)

Ella didn’t think her problems were going to get worse after escaping an interstellar prison ship, and she certainly didn’t think she’d be expected to save the galaxy.

Her feet barely touch solid ground before the prison ship guards notice Ella’s missing and chase her all the way into the middle of a giant bug infested desert—giant bugs who just happen to have a taste for meat. With sharp-edged pincers ripping away at her flesh, an ability Ella never knew she had is awakened. Anybody order crispy critters? With fire now at her tenuous disposal, Ella hops aboard a freighter on its way to a planet well outside her captors’ territory.

Making friends is something she hoped she’d do, but these friends have some bad news: she’s part of some alien race everyone thought was a myth. And more specifically, she’s destined to fight a fallen angel with a god complex, or die trying.

Problem is, years of solitary confinement didn’t really prepare Ella for fighting—or walking—or any semblance of balance on two feet for that matter. Honestly, she doesn’t even know if she wants to fight him. In a perfect world, Ella would be left alone. But here’s the thing: this god’s not exactly sitting around waiting for her to make up her mind. If Ella doesn’t hurry up and decide what’s really important—a life with her friends or a galaxy where living is actually possible—she won’t be the only one to end up dead.

ELEMENTAL, a 65,000 word YA Science Fiction set in a galaxy in desperate need of change, is rife with teleporting fairies, interstellar battleships, and things that go boom.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Emily White

Questions? Comments? Meeting Emily for the first time? Go ahead say hello! Just remember to save your feedback for tomorrow and don't forget to visit her blog and become a follower.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Today's guest blogger is the amazing, spunky, punky, hilarious Emilia Plater, author of AUTOCHROMATIC and proprietor of the Punk Writer Kid blog. Make sure you visit and become a follower before reading on, you will not regret it.

Emilia is only 17 years old, and still in school. She should be an inspiration to us all but she is especially close to my own heart because my daughter, Kylie, would like to be a writer when she grows up. Kylie is 14 and has just entered high school but when she looks at someone like Emilia and sees that with enough hard work and dedication anything is possible, it really gives her good reason to believe in herself.

Emilia's query will follow in black text, along with her analysis and thoughts on why it worked in a sort of lovely aqua. I'll add some off-hand remarks and pointless jokes in goldenrod, just for fun.

Take it away Emilia!

Matthew, I'd like to first thank you again for recruiting me for the QQQe. It's such an honor! I can't claim to be an expert on queries - it took me a looong time to write this one - but hopefully I can help somebody out. Plus, it's cool to look back when the trauma is over!

You're most welcome Emilia! That's the idea.

Dear Suzie,

You may remember me as that crazy blonde girl in pigtails who sang Boom De Ya Da (I Love Publishing) back in April. You requested then that I send you a query for my YA novel, AUTOCHROMATIC, when the time came. Having heard nothing but awesome things about your work as agent from my fellow YA Highwayer Kristin Miller, I was happy to oblige. Now, the time has come - and it is ready to sing. (...Or something.)

And you have now all been introduced to the silliness that is Emilia. It wasn't necessary, but I couldn't resist the urge to start off with a little silly personality - especially because I had some connections to work with beyond "I thought you'd be interested in this." Agents are human, and if a particular agent strikes you as good-humored, why not be yourself? Of course, professionalism comes first, but it's always nice to give agents an idea of who they'd be working with. (In my case, it's more of a warning.)

Have you seen this video? Is freaking hilarious.

Ask seventeen-year-old Riley Tanner how she's dealing with the death of her boyfriend, Adrian, and she'll respond with an eye-roll and a "fantastically." Truth is, the car crash wrecked her world, and Riley has pretty much accepted her fate as a screwed-up therapy case. But when she starts getting texts from Adrian's phone number, each containing a different address, her plan to spend the summer not thinking about him falls apart.

In the same realm as the above paragraph, my main concern with the summary was communicating Riley's voice. Riley is such a powerful force in the novel, but in earlier drafts, she just came across as depressed. (Which she is, but in a fun way.) Looking back, I could have tried to highlight the hook more - texts from dead boyfriend omg! - but this worked well enough, and since Riley is so important, I wanted to introduce her inner conflict from the very start. In my grandest dreams, Riley's voice is as much of a hook as the boyfriend texts.

Cool premise, strong voice and very current, contemporary scenario. I would say this is all big win.

Desperate to track down the sender - mostly so she can punch that creep in the face - Riley sets off on a follow-the-texts road trip with her best friend. From New York City to the Wild West, she meets people from Adrian's past who she didn't know existed. Their stories of betrayal, alcoholism, and messed-up family dramas paint a not-so-pretty picture of the guy she thought she loved. Great.

A few people suggested I delete the "punch" bit. In the end, it felt so right, I decided to be stubborn and keep it - and that ended up being the bit Suzie liked most! This paragraph was all about keeping things clear: motivation for the trip, check, what the trip exactly is, check, where the trip goes, check - and then, the big conflict. Again, I wanted to get the emotions across without using too much Lifetime Language (i.e., "a betrayal of her heart").

This reminds me a lot of a bit in my own query. I have to agree with Suzie, that line rocks!

Fun fact: I spent nearly an hour obsessing over whether to delete that Great. In the end, I went with what felt truer to the story - and I found italicizing the word gave it a lot more snap. Ah, only a writer.

I love it. I don't know for sure about the italics because I catch a lot of crap for using that kind of formatting in my own query but it obviously worked, which is the most important thing anyway, right?

With her beliefs caught in a crapstorm, Riley recognizes the real source of her frustration: Adrian's mistakes. But there's nothing in the Angsty Teen manual about conflict resolution with dead people, and things only get worse when her best friend heads home after a fight. Stranded on the wrong side of the country, Riley has to choose: give up healing for good, or ask for help from the one person who refuses to show their face…

Mistakes? Misdeeds? Lies? I went through a million synonyms for the first sentence, but nothing quite fit. Eventually, I chose the one that flowed best, even if it wasn't 100% perfect. The Angsty Teen thing is probably my favorite bit - so Riley. Here we have the ever-building problems, and finally the concluding conflict, AKA what you leave the agent freaking out over. Important stuff! I wanted to finish off with the mystery of the sender, since that's probably what a skimming agent would be most interested in.

I can see your point about the mistakes bit. Obviously it gets worked out and makes sense in the book but it is the kind of thing we can agonize over in a query. I also love the idea of an Angsty Teen manual. That is a great bit of snark, voice, hilarity and characterization all wrapped up in a nice, tight little package.

AUTOCHROMATIC is a contemporary YA novel complete at 47,000 words. I've included sample pages below; the whole manuscript is available upon request. Thank you so much for considering my work!

I didn't really have much to say for a bio (I put the link to my group blog in my contact info), so I skipped that part. Most of my queries included sample pages - I stuck 'em in unless the agent asked otherwise - but whatever it was, I ended up having a pretty good request rate. I received three offers total and went with Suzie thanks to her great revision ideas and overall awesomeness. Yay!

Emilia also just so happens to be currently holding a contest. It's for the Punkiversary. Some of the prizes are query critiques so I thought it was highly appropriate to mention today. You can find out more by visiting the post here.

Otherwise what do you guys think? Can you imagine being an agented author at 17? Can you think of a more amazing dream come true? Any questions for Emilia? Comments? Feel free to share your thoughts below, and thanks for visiting!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

You can often find me neglecting my family, my job, and my personal hygiene in favor of reading blogs.

Today I am on Step Three.

I've made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of Nathan Bransford as I understand Him (see the forums).

Disclaimer: This post is satirical. It is not meant to offend anyone, or to belittle the integrity of 12 Step Programs anywhere, which have saved countless lives since their inception.

So. I promised to share about my trip as well. I will.

Kelly and I took our daughters to Minnesota over the weekend and first part of the week. The main reason for the visit was to surprise Kelly's grandma Darlene (the kids great-grandmother) for her 80th birthday. And great she is. She's a huge Vikings fan so we watched the pre-season game with bated breath when Favre may have, almost, hurt his wrist. But it looks like everything turned out okay.

On Monday we visited the Minnesota State Fair. The Great Minnesota Get Together as it's affectionately known (imagine the Scandinavian accent) is the second largest state fair in the country, after Texas. It is, however, in my opinion, the largest collection of deep fried food, on a stick, that you can eat anywhere. It is especially famous for Pronto Pups and Cheese Curds (I could explain what those are but it's more fun if you imagine it for yourself) but this year I witnessed some amazing things like Deep Fried Candy Bars on a stick, Super Bacon (on a stick, that's for you Elana), Hot Dago on a stick, Meatball Sundays, Pork Chop on a stick, Deep Fried Sliders (no stick), and many other amazing culinary ideas. But my mind was blown this morning when I heard a story on NPR about Deep Fried Beer at the Texas State Fair. Apparently there is a Heaven.

There are many more wonderful kitschy stories I could tell about the fair but I don't have time. Instead I want to share briefly about the book I'm reading. I brought two books with me on the trip but with the flight and lots of free time around the family I finished them up before we had to catch our flight home. I've been hearing so many wonderful things about Suzanne Collins and her novels that I finally decided to pick up The Hunger Games.

The good news is that the paperback was available even in the worthless little newsstand at the HHH terminal at MSP. There isn't really any bad news. I think this is great for publishing, but especially for YA literature. I have no idea what the exact sales numbers are for this series but it's nice to see a serious story achieving this kind of commercial success.

I'm only five chapters in, so I have really no spoilers but I will briefly say this: Normally I can't stand present tense, first person POV makes it a little easier to deal with (normally) but in this novel, with this story, it actually works quite well. The immediacy raises the tension and fits the pacing perfectly (so far). This is a harsh world, and a hard story. I don't know how common that kind of thing is in YA but I find it gripping and compelling. My own WIP YA novel is meant to be taken quite seriously so it is encouraging to see something that has some underlying social themes doing so well, and being told so masterfully.

I will have to check back in once I'm further along, but for now, for those of you who are all the way through with Mockingjay and all of it, is it really as good as it seems? As far as I can tell it's going to be a wild, wonderful ride.

The QQQE Massive.

Who Am I?

I'm the father of two beautiful young ladies, three lazy cats and one adorable German Shepherd. Together we live in the mountains of north Georgia amid my endless collection of vinyl records.
I run this blog in an attempt to help other novice writers avoid the mistakes I made in the beginning of my road to publication. Believe me, I made many.