Relationships and Sexual Infidelity

Can Cheaters Change?

We'd all like to think that people can make changes, learn to compromise, and make their relationship stronger.

Unromantic men can learn to buy a card every once in a while; women who nag can learn to stop themselves at least a few times they see toothpaste in the sink, or whatever it is. But those are small changes.

The big changes—he changes that can make or break a relationship—are the ones most of us are really concerned about. And perhaps the biggest question of all—when you consider that 25 percent of men admit to cheating in relationships and about 15 percent of women do—is this: Can cheaters change? Is cheating an inherent personality trait or a controllable behavioral one?

Can a guy—or gal—who strays learn to be a house cat?

For these purposes, we'll consider cheating full-on sexual contact—not only sex, but also its close relatives. (I fully know that 60 percent of men say that even having drinks with an old flame is cheating, 50 percent of men say visiting strip clubs is cheating, and virtually all women say emotional betrayal is worse than physical betrayal. So I know cheating is complicated, but here, we'll go with the traditional "Where did my underwear go?" definition.)

The average woman says that the No. 1 reason for divorce is infidelity—so that indicates to me that for women, their answer is no, cheaters can't change (or if they do, they don't believe he deserves a second chance).

After I give you my take, I'd love to hear your thoughts about this very question, because I think your perception of this issue may very well depend, in some major way, on whether you've been burned—or have done the burning.

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