Monday, December 10, 2012

A rose by any other name...... : @Aspienaut : WIRED differently

A rose by any other name...... : Aspienaut : WIRED differently

I was asked this week to write a post about how to deal with older parents who do not accept their child’s asperger’s. I will try to answer this question in quite general terms by looking it it from a slightly wider perspective, so here goes.

Then they say,

“Yet you look so normal, but now you mention it, I always knew there was something strange about you!”

or perhaps:

“It’s always something these days, you were a difficult child and now you’re a difficult adult, its just who you are!”

It can seem at times as though we’re being attacked and have to defend our diagnosis and sometimes it’s as if we’re expected to just hand it over and let it go.

It always surprises me, even now, to discover that other people have thoughts different from my own, have their own minds even (who knew!) Yet I am still so effected by their comments, their view is very powerful to me. I believe this in-part is because I do not think about other peoples views or thoughts and so it always comes as a shock when they say something I don’t agree with or show another view of the same situation. It’s because of this that I am so affected by their comments, because to me, believe it or not, I presumed their views were the same as my own and therefore when they challenge me, it feels so very fundamental.

When someone says, ‘you don’t have Asperger’s!’ It is very much like they are challenging your sense of self. Now that I understand myself and how I see the world I can cope better with these situations. I no longer need anyone else to validate my sense of self and have worked very hard to make sense of who I am. Therefore, I can let their words pass straight through me, only occasionally, when significant, do I pluck their words out of the air and hold on to them.

You can only help them understand, they’ve actually got to want to. If they don’t you can only accept that too. I believe there is only so much you can or even should do to help others understand, they’ve got to meet you half way. You on the other hand, have to learn to accept yourself fully, for no one else can do it for you.