The controversial Clare Crawley got a one-on-one date with Juan Pablo on ‘The Bachelor’ last night.

Juan Pablo and Clare Crawley. Photo: TWitter

The Bachelor 2014 TV Recap of the Juan Pablo and Clare Crawley Date in New Zealand

Clare and Juan Pablo have their one-on-one date, and start it off with a picnic next to a rushing river. They have a thin blanket, and they’re sitting on a pile of rocks. That HAD to be uncomfortable. Right away, Juan Pablo launches into the issue of the “swimming.” He apologizes and Clare, if she was smart, would drop it. But she has to take that place of being higher than him, and keeps explaining her point of view. “I just wanted to go in the ocean and swim.” COUGH. Juan Pablo claims that she was so happy and he didn’t want to make her sad, so that’s why he went for that swim. See, she’s an evil sorceress! (Juan Pablo, it’s equal blame, c’mon.)

“What are the boundaries?” asks Clare. And Juan Pablo explains all the things he won’t do in front of his daughter. He won’t even hold hands in front of his daughter.

“I was pissed at myself,” says Juan Pablo.

“Just don’t make me sad,” demands Clare.

So they kiss and are happy and Clare’s got her fangs back into her desired manmeat. (I’m so dedicated I checked that it was “manmeat” and not “man meat.” You’re welcome.)

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“Did we just have our first fight?” laughs Clare, to remind him how TOTALLY IN SYNC and REAL their relationship is, moreso than his with anyone else on the show.

Does this manipulative and fake blonde remind you of Clare Crawley? It’s actually Jane Sibbet in “It Takes Two.”

I get the idea that Clare is like the evil blonde mother-to-be character (Clarice Kensington – played by Jane Sibbet) in the famous “It Takes Too” movie with Ashley and Mary-Kate Olsen. She’s not going to enjoy having this daughter when SHE wants to be the center of attention.

Back at The Hilton, Clare and Juan Pablo enjoy a light dinner. Juan Pablo doesn’t know what the word “bolt” means, and Clare talks about how that’s normally her instinct. Though she thinks she’s winning him over, Juan Pablo should be thinking about the ramifications of introducing his daughter to a woman who has a track record of “bolting” whenever things get tough.

As Juan Pablo leaves the room for a second, Clare does a “Cha-ching” arm moment while mouthing, “YES.” He comes back with sweat pants (his?) and … yea, they’re pretty bonded. How can anyone but her end up as the winner of this whole thing?

All THAT said, this scene where they are all casual looks like the most realistic date that’s ever been on The Bachelor or Bachelorette.

Clare thinks she’s America’s Sweetheart, not realizing that we’ve seen too much of her to think she’s THAT innocent and sweet. Seriously, does anyone like Clare? ANYONE? Yea, thought so.