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Cheese

If you’ve read the two previous blogs i’ve written this week (who hasn’t!) you’ll know I thought I’d give the battery of my loner Apple Watch a bit of an unscientific test. Now I love my iPhone. I’ve had jobs that made watching paint dry interesting, I still miss my colleagues at Dulux.

I have had jobs that have so much down time it’s lovely to be able to escape the tedium and play a game or email people. So over the years my iPhone’s battery has been known to be dead by the mid-morning.

Apparently I am “king of the notification” (this from a man who wants to live in a yurt) so Apple watch was gonna get a fair real world test.

It passed for two days use. It was down to 8 percent just before i got in my bath. So i put it on charge, it charges like magic with the things that take your heart readings doubling up as some power connectors. It’s witchcraft! There is a low power mode which you can activate to prolong things even further. (Like the teenage me trying to think of Bruce Forsyth squatting on a glass table…: sex joke)

Things of note. I reached one of my health targets. I was rewarded with a trophy that looks like an old 1980’s hob element. But yay trophy.

When you set a timer, (for my damn pizza) on the phone it vibrates the watch. Pretty cool if your phone is on silent and you’ve gone for a cheeky (insert vice here) No excuse for burnt anything anymore. Except crumpets… overdo those.. go-on.. then top with cheese.. try it.. go now..

Following on from my recent introduction into the world of jumping whenever the wind changes. I thought I would continue into the wondrous world of being a disabled bod in modern times.

Those of you who know me, know that in new situations around new people I am on the shy side. However when I am comfortable with my company I can be a little bit of a gobshite. I also like to mess around from time to time, run with a joke, chuck in a few silly voices and phrases such as “How big is your cheese?” (OK you had to be there) but high jinx are occasionally on the menu.

The thing is, when you… the great able bodied masses, have a few beers and decide it would be a good idea to climb up onto the top of a bus shelter just to win a who can pee highest contest. Thoughts that go through observers heads are:-

He’s had a few too many sherbets

He’s being a dick.

If I do it:-

Someone get him down before he hurts himself

It’s amazing they let people like that out on the streets these days

He’s being a dick would struggle to make the top ten. Why? Just because I walk funny am I also incapable of being a anti social lout. No. (Not that I have done the bus shelter thing, honestly, artistic licence making a point) If I had the guts or inclination it would be fun to see how much my Blue Badge entitlement would let me get away with.

I’ve only ever got as far as planning to do something devious. Me and another friend (the one who came up with the “How big is your cheese?” thing) were going to go into a local restaurant order everything with mock disabled voices.. wrong yes.. but I can get away with it! We were to only use the voices when talking to the staff of the restaurant, talking normally otherwise. Then another friend of mine (fuck I’m popular) was gonna come in dressed in a nurses uniform to gauge peoples reactions. This unfortunately never happened largely because I would have loved to see my friend in a nurses uniform. She is now off flying the world so this is unlikely to occur outside of the confines of my mind.

The examples I have used here are very extreme. However if you see a disabled person, and they are making a strange noise or lurching their wheelchair around. Yes it could be the disability that is making them behave like that. But it could equally be that they are just messing about. Having a laugh or just being a dick.