Sunday, April 19, 2009

Board of It All #1: Stormfront

I'm not 100% sure if you'd noticed, but there seems to be an ongoing theme on 6-3-94 with regards to the bashing of wrestling message board posters. If they're not being decried as aspie shut-in rubes with a fetish for hairless Japanese men, then it's being pointed out that there's photos of them on the internet engaging in a threesome with what appears to be the Peter Pan Guy and Mama Cass. I can't help but feel that's a little harsh. There's plenty of intelligent debate taking place on grappling forums the length and the breadth of the internet. So we'd like to take a little time to showcase the professional wrestling discussion on some of the phpbb2s you're not currently clocking. First up: Stormfront: White Pride World Wide.

Stormfront posters are an inquisitive bunch of nothing else, and are certainly more prepared to ask questions than the average IWC contributor. For instance, Pomeranian wonders "what kind of ethnicity do you think each the wrestlers are", noticing that Mark Henry and Big Daddy V are "negroes obviously", but being confused on the 619er: "Ray Mysterio is what - Mexican? (As so is Vicky Herrera and her brother?) ". He's clearly a more perceptive individual than KeepBritainWhite, who asks "Could someone tell me the ethnicity of Papa Shango??". If anyone can help KBW with working out if Papa Shango was black or white, let us know in the comment box.

Don't think white nationalists will restore your faith in the IWC though. As fun as it is to see some guy going by the sobriquet of MixedMartialArts admit he "Used to watch it when WCW and WWF were the main things... Occasionally watch it, but after seeing MMA I can hardly stomach the poorly scripted "fights" they have" (MixedMartialArts then presumably left his keyboard to return to remiscing about that time he mashed a banana in a girlfriend's hair), they have exactly the same concerns as your common-or-garden wrestling message boarder. Check out francaisetifer, who terms himself "50% FRENCH, 50% SPANISH, 100% MED, 100% EUROPEAN." So, I dunno, I'd think he was pretty proud of his whiteness, if, admittedly, whiteness from some fucking below par nations. And yet even this guy, even an actual 100% fucking racist, will say something like "That was an awesome match, and I have NEVER seen Hulk display that much scientific skill in an American match! So I guess the promoters here hid that skill from us." EVEN FUCKING RACISTS FETISHES JAPANESE WRESTLING OVER AMERICAN WRESTLING. Can someone please get the sociologists on this one, stat, because it's hurting my head.

And our Stormfront friends have exactly the same concerns over wrestling as you'll see spouted verbatim over at F4W or UKFF or whereverthefuck. "There's more commercials than matches". "They're ruining everything with this soap opera crap". "John Cena is a useless wigger piece of garbage". "I miss ECW, that was real wrestling". "Black males are ruining the WWE like they do everything else". All of these comments could come verbatim from a DVDVR thread, and yet they're on the message board of the #1 terrorist threat facing America today. Think about that for a second. Maybe the real enemy is closer to home, and cradling a Chikara DVD. Which is ironic, being as one of the few wrestling things Stormfront can agree on (other than their lover of The Ultimate Warrior, obviously), is the awesomeness of Chris Hero.

It's not as hilarious as you'd imagine, scouring a white pride messageboard for mentions of wrestling. All you really discover is a) racists deal with discovering that Batista isn't white really poorly and b) racists love their smiley faces. Although it's hard to ignore stunning science like this from some dude called Ragnarokalypse, who has an avatar implying that he's a furry into polar bears:

Speaking of Cryme Tyme, has anyone noticed that the ones always shown chanting along with their "Money,money" crap are white (wigger) fans? They cheer and laugh the loudest at every TBB act portrayed. Blacks in the crowd seem to be like "Man, these guys are making us look like idiots (albeit accurately)". Or maybe it hits too close to home that they have to live with real life versions of these buffoons, while whites just see them remotely on their TV in their comfy suburban home. Anyone around the real version doesn't find it nearly as amusing.

Or, alternately, Werewolfblood implying, if you read between the lines, that he's sucked off a lot of Jewish men for money:

Professional Wrestling is the worst profession you could ever get into. It's about one step above prostitution ( and it literally is prostitution sometimes... don't ask. ).

I didn't read this thread, just throwing it out there in case any of you guys ever decide to become a professional wrestler. DO NOT DO IT. I did and it was the dumbest mistake of my life. Getting into the WWE or TNA is a 1/1,000,000 shot, and you probably have to be over 6'2 and be prepared to take steroids.

More likely then not you'll end up on the independent scene where you will constantly get screwed by the bottom of the barrel scum of the Earth. You'll be hurting all over and you'll never have benefits, or any money to pay for your medical bills. It's the epitome of what is wrong with our culture. Stuff I've seen and heard in the business makes me want to puke, there seems to be no bigger degeneracy.

Let me make it simple. The business is filled with NOTHING but gay and Jews, and gay Jews. Hell, I think Paul Heyman ( Another gay Jew ) STILL owes wrestlers a combined total of over 5,000,000 dollars!

Oh, then there's ANOTHER gay Jew, a scumbag by the name of Rob Feinstein, he runs "Ring of Honor". One of the dirtiest pieces of crap on this planet, I won't even mention what he makes young kids do to get onto his shows because I don't want to get banned.

The WWE is no better, Vince, Triple H, ect are all bisexuals and into incest. Let's just leave it at that. There's very few respectable people in the WWE, I'd say the Ultimate Warrior ( Even though he was on steroids and he sucked ), Bret Hart, Chris Jericho, Benoit before he went nuts, and Eddie Guerrero were the only wrestlers in that entire federation who deserved any respect. Almost every other mainstream wrestler was/is either on drugs, is bisexual or another degenerate, or can't wrestle their way out of a wet paper bag.

Oh, and there are plenty of Jews in wrestling. Goldberg, Nash, Raven, Dean Malinko, ect. You know what else they had in common? They all sucked!!! But aside from sucking horribly, I can't see a reason to dislike them. It's the small time Jewish promoters that are the most vile pieces of filth on this planet

Still, all of this pouring over the ramblings of shook white dudes is worth it just for the moment where teacherspet79talks about how much he likes Kofi Kingston, and Jay Dub responds to this hideous assault on the purity of white thought with this:

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6-3-94 Manifesto

In the days of ancient Rome men tried to best each other physically by imposing their will on one other. Sometimes this lead to the death of one of the competitors. Sometimes it lead to a friendship or brotherhood bond being formed. More often than not it ended with the two dudes fucking the shit out of each other. Faggotry and wrestling have long had a mutually parasitic relationship. Where faggotry is afoot wrestling cannot be far behind. Where there is wrestling you can rest assured that faggotry is nearby, jerking off furiously. This is the way it has always been and the way it shall always be. Though men have tried to change this dynamic throughout the ages they have all failed. Spandex, pyrotechnics, midgets, fake tits and sports entertainment cannot mask the overwhelming scent of gay that always accompanies wrestling. You can always be certain of these three things: The sun always rises in the morning, politicians always lie and wrestling will always be gay as fuck. We are merely observers; scribes charged with the duty of recording, analyzing and mocking this faggotry. These are our words.