Does anybody remember what immediately preceded that immortal line from "Cool Hand Luke"? Paul Newman gets smacked upside the head. On tonight's "Real Housewives of New Jersey," you could practically see that scenario running through Caroline Manzo's head as she tried to talk some sense into Teresa Giudice, who would much rather rehash her grievances about her brother Joe Gorga than listen to some rather sound advice from Mama Bear -- or from Jacqueline Laurita, for that matter. But let's give Teresa credit where credit is due (hmmm, maybe not the best choice of words, all things considered): She does step up and write a coherent, well-meaning letter to her brother to try to mend their relationship, even while she keeps up a running commentary about how stupid Joe and his wife Melissa are, and how magnanimous she's being in making the first move. (Excuse me, but did Teresa really compare herself to God? "You know how God forgives people? I forgive him. If there was more people out there like me, we would live in a better place." (Yes, but think of the worldwide leopard print shortgages! Frederick's of Hollywood would be the new OPEC.)

Teresa leaves the letter at her brother's door. Joe and Melissa just so happen to be going for jog at the time, and return home to find the missive. Joe tells Melissa to read it. It's straight to the point: Teresa says that neither she or her brother really listen to each other, she's sorry "if" she has hurt them, she loves him and she wants to meet face-to-face to talk it out. Melissa points that Teresa actually apologized and encourages Joe to talk to Teresa.

Meanwhile, Kathy Wakile has a tete-a-tete with Caroline over the showdown at the Brownstone last week. "You only get one chance to make a first impression," Kathy tells us. "Teresa blew that out of the water." (Yeah, after you accused her of being a negligent mother. Which appears to be borne out by the videotape, but still.) So Kathy, armed with a big goblet of wine courtesy of Caroline, says she regrets how things went down after the fashion show and tells Caroline she didn't want to drag her into it. "I was coming from a place of love." (Love, and judgment!) "To be honest," Caroline starts, "I don't care." She tells Kathy that the problem is between Teresa and her brother, and she doesn't want to be dragged into it. "I hadn't expected her to be Miss Lovey-Dovey," Kathy tells us, "but you know what? I'm a grown woman. I don't need to get anybody's approval. I don't need to win over a friendship." Then why so concerned with first impressions?

In other news:

-- We get to see Teresa the author in action! She visits the photography studio where a chef and food stylist is preparing dishes from her next cookbook and photographer Ben Fink shoots them. After offering some clearly unwanted feedback about the preparation of the dishes -- the chef is clearly peeved -- Teresa proceeds to make a fool of herself in front of the Running Press editors by talking about "ingredientses" and the spice she calls "KUH-min." Do we see one editor nudge the other?

-- Jacqueline consults a psychic advisor about her problems with daughter Ashley. "She's very emotional now," Tia Belle says of Ashley. "It's constant PMS." In a more sensible (and free!) move, Jacqueline also seeks the counsel of her father, Jerry, who suggests Jacqueline share the story of what she was doing at Ashley's age. (Short version: Getting knocked up.) Jacqueline thinks that maybe Ashley is still struggling with coming from a broken family. "It hurts," Jacqueline says. "Because of me and her dad not working out, she's in that situation. I don't want her feeling like that." That's it! Well, either that, or Ashley is an overindulged brat who's never had to work for anything in her life. One or the other. We do see Ashley fleshing out Jacqueline's thesis by talking to one of her half-brothers in Texas and telling us how much she misses being part of their life.

-- Joe Gorga compares sex to popping a zit.

-- Okay, I'll elaborate on that. While Melissa is cooking dinner for her kids at an island that is literally larger than the room I am sitting in at this moment, Joe comes home and immediately starts in about how Melissa wouldn't put out the night before. It's been, like, four or five days! A man's got needs! Gorgas are known for their sex drive! "Our father was a very sexual man. I guess I take after him. Whaddayagonnado?" Later, in their closet/clothing arena, Joe makes another play for Melissa. He tells us he's had to adjust to having sex less often now that they have three young kids. "You know, you have this big white zit and you finally pop it, and it shoots across the room? That's all this testosterone building up."

-- Rich Wakile gives Kathy a Benz for no particular reason.

-- Kim DePaola invites Caroline, Teresa and Jacqeuline to Coc+Co's showroom as a thank you for appearing in her show. (This is the reality show version of paying it forward. Kim D.'s boutique gets some publicity from the housewives, Kim D. gives this designer some publicity. Too bad the business closed before this show aired.) While shopping, Teresa invites Kim D. to her Thanksgiving dinner, which is friends only.

-- Albie and Chris Manzo move into their Hoboken apartment. "I'm really proud of Albie and Christopher that they're in that place where they've worked hard and they're able to move out," says Jacqueline. Hmmm, as far as we can tell, they've both managed to work themselves out of any semblance of an occupation, but whatever. We also find out that Albie's friend Greg and his dog Deloris (rhymes with ...?) is going to be moving in with the boys.

Best quote: "Can we get that mattress off the floor before I have a stroke?" -- Caroline Manzo to her sons on moving day