Lights Camera Booze and a Freakin’ Good Napoleon Dynamite Cocktail

Oh, sure, I’ll be watching the Oscars on Sunday like the rest of America. Who am I to miss out on a pop culture moment like Angelina Jolie’s right leg? But don’t make me participate in an Oscar pool or ask me how many of the nominated movies I’ve seen, because I’ll disappoint you every time. I’m there for the fashion and the spectacle, not really for the films themselves. I’ll probably never bother to sit down and see Philomena and I only got around to watching Argo last week. Most of the movies I truly love, the ones I’ve seen so often I can quote them from start to finish, weren’t nominated for any Academy Award. I’d rather be making a cameo at the Val party with Cher and Tai than crying it out over Million Dollar Baby anyway.

That’s why I’m utterly charmed by Lights Camera Booze by Kourtney Jason and Lauren Metz. If, like me, you’re of the generation that knows “when someone asks if you’re a god, you say yes!” and why “on Wednesdays, we wear pink,” you’ll understand the gist of the book completely. It’s a tongue-in-cheek—and cocktail-in-hand—guide to drinking games for classic flicks like Clueless, Ghostbusters, Mean Girls, The Big Lebowski, Wayne’s World, and Office Space, all adorably illustrated by Amanda Lanzone.

Each movie gets a signature drink, a list of catchphrases and moments from the film that signal when you should sip, and a final challenge for all the slightly inebriated participants to try once the credits roll. My drinking game days are pretty far behind me, but there’s no reason I can’t mix up a Babe Ruth—that’s whiskey, ginger ale, and a squeeze of lime—while watching The Sandlot with Dan or pouring a few watermelon bellinis for a girls’ night sleepover with Dirty Dancing (it’s fifth grade all over again!…sorta!).

Or we could all sip on mai tais—er, Tina Tais—while re-watching one of my all-time favorite films, Napoleon Dynamite, which should be in the food movie pantheon for its opening credit sequence alone. I mean, we all know the lines by heart anyway (I maaaaaay have quoted the movie in my wedding vows), and even if we can’t replicate the dance, a little rum might loosen us up enough to try. If not, we can just sit back and feel like we’re in a big ol’ mansion somewhere, soaking it up in a hot tub with our soul mates.

Clearly it would be appropriate to serve your Tina Tais with dang quesadillas and tots, or maybe someone caught you a delicious bass that you’d like to cook. Don’t stay home and eat all the freaking chips! If you’re not imbibing, pour yourself a big glass of milk, because you could be drinking whole if you wanted to. Don’t forget to save a little food and take it out to Tina, the eponymous llama, when you’re done with the meal, and afterward, it would be really nice if you could pull me into town.

If none of that preceding paragraph made any sense to you, why are you not heading off to watch Napoleon Dynamite this very second? Gosh!

(By the way, Lights Camera Booze is going to be one of the goodies in this year’s Oscar gift bags; why do I get the feeling that Jonah Hill is going to thoroughly enjoy flipping through the book?)

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