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I was thinking today about how often we make promises to ourselves that we break freely. We don’t start off with the intention of doing so, but all of a sudden it seems that something more important comes up and we can’t keep that promise to… go to the gym 3 times a week… be kinder to an irritating neighbor or colleague… write at least five pages in that Great American Novel we’ve dreamed of finishing.

Why do we treat ourselves and our commitments to self with such disdain and contempt? I think it’s not that we’re lazy, or can’t find the time to do these things. It’s poor habits of being congruent with the desired result.

We want the better health, the better relationships, the goal achieved. But we don’t really think we can do it. So when something else pops up, or when the neighbor is especially rude, or we hit writer’s block, it seems only natural to let the old ways win.

When I awoke on 1/29/16 with the idea to bring the Dalai Lama home to Tibet, not only was I startled by it, but I knew that for me to be the one to say “Yes” to the idea and actually take it from a one sentence thought in my mind into full-blown reality in the physical world, I would need to not only set a firm commitment, but be prepared to live up to it.

To support my commitment, I created a list of 88 affirmations. The number “8” is my lucky number and I’ve often had series of eights show up in my life. The Chinese, and other Asian cultures, consider “8” an auspicious number because it resembles the Chinese character meaning “joy” or “happiness.” So I called the list my 88 happy affirmations–I created the list within a few weeks of getting the idea for sending the Dalai Lama home, and began using it daily.

I have found these 88 affirmations a tremendous support to keeping my commitments to myself, both with this project and with others in my life. And so I turned the audio I created for myself into the soundtrack for a video you can watch on the “Restoring Tibet” YouTube playlist. Here’s the link — https://youtu.be/lYITYiKtVQA

While you watch the video below, ponder this question: here we are on the last day of January and have you consistently moved toward achieving the resolutions you made on January First??? Or did you lose your motivation (which the squirrel in the video demonstrates plenty of!) in the mistaken belief that keeping a resolution only requires will power?

What’s wrong with “will power”? Isn’t that what keeps us going toward our goals? Don’t you need will power to quit cigarettes or stay on a diet or keep a commitment to going to the gym regularly, or to be a more loving parent or spouse?

Feeling busy? Overwhelmed? That’s where mental stress comes from. When you have the feeling that there is just too much to do and you can’t do it all, you begin feeling anxious and worried, or even upset and depressed. A good solution is to take time to calm down. You don’t really have to slow down, even though the song in the video says that. I believe it’s the same basic idea: stop trying to “do” so many tasks, calm yourself and notice what is most important to you. Become more efficient in everyday tasks so that you have plenty of time to enjoy being a goal-achiever with your big dreams!

If it’s a relationship, are you caught up in “relationship ambivalence”? It’s good but not great, and so you spend hours a day agonizing over the decision: should I go or stay?! Your mind is like a battlefield with opposing forces shouting out all the reasons their side should win. You make yourself nuts, and your stomach churns in anxiety as day after day passes (or even years!) with no decision at all. You STAY because that is the default mode. Generally speaking, it takes less courage than leaving because you can convince yourself that you are still thinking things over. Really, it’s just indecision rearing its ugly head and making your life far more stressful than it needs to be.

Perhaps you have a lifelong habit of indecision: should I wear this outfit or that one? Should I cut my hair or let it grow longer? What about changing the color of my hair? What if I make a mistake…. Ah ha! That’s at the bottom of all indecision: the fear that you’ll make the wrong choice and be stuck irrevocably with your bad decision.

The stress and waste of energy — not to mention all the time wasted and the goals left unachieved — mount up quickly when you have formed the habit of being slow to decide. Whether it manifests in a restaurant as you keep the others at the table waiting while you agonize over what to order, or whether you put your own happiness on hold by being unwilling to choose a relationship, a job, a course of action… the end result is that you are not really living a purpose-filled life. Face it – you’re not, are you?

I know what it’s like to be filled with ambivalence, and it sure is exhausting, isn’t it? I spent many years fearful of making a major lifestyle choice, worrying what others would think and so on. I SHOULD have been “worrying” what my own soul would think as I wasted my precious time on this planet fussing over choices instead of quickly making decisions and moving forward.

While you watch the video –The Clash performing “Should I Stay or Should I Go” — think about what decisions you are avoiding… and make a commitment to your own happiness that TODAY you will make a decision, and then you will move forward with the next action step.

Are you happy? Most people answer “yeah, of course… well, I mean… sort of… I guess.” If you’re tired of being in the majority (in other words miserable and stressed out most of the time!), shift your attitude right this minute from complaining about life to finding something happy to talk about. That change in attitude will help you vibrate on a much higher — and happier — frequency. It doesn’t even matter if you believe that every organic, inorganic, animal, vegetable or mineral, even dead things, vibrate constantly, and that we live in an energy comprised entirely of vibrating molecules. You don’t have to “believe” in gravity to have it act consistently in your life. It just does, and we all accept that if you toss an apple in the air it is not going to hover over your head unless it’s got a string or wire attached and something is holding it up. We know that because we can experience it easily in our life on a regular basis. But when it comes to our feelings and our state of mind, so many times we end up just feeling like a helpless victim of circumstances. And yet– guess what? — YOU are the one in control of how happy you are. Take a look at this charming and uplifting video clip from the film “South Pacific” — and I dare you to keep frowning! Note that this is a special soundtrack with the original voice of the older woman, Juanita Hall – in the film her voice was dubbed because at that time, in the 1950s, it was a common practice to bring in a singer to dub the songs even when the actor /actress had a perfectly good singing voice! That’s why many of the old musicals sound fake and “off” — we recognize that the talking person who bursts into song is suddenly not quite the same voice. Anyway, enjoy this and leave a comment if you like it.

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