*Sigh* The basis of nearly all the major Roman philosophies was the distinction between forma and substantia. The early Christian apologists all had Roman educations, and so used the language of Roman thought in defining the details of their religion. Transubstantiation is not, and never has been, the same thing as transformation.

There is plenty to mock about the sacraments and associated theology without resorting to straw men.

So, Gregory, the throngs of believers excited to witness a miracle of a bleeding cracker are, what, illusory? Whether or not the official position of scholarly apologists is that this is literally blood, the understanding of the people in the pews appears to be a bit more concrete.

His body daily vivisected, each morsel eagerly gnawed upon in thousands of churches. His blood magically sucked out and consumed, sip by sip, by pious vampires. The agony of having spikes pounded through his extremities and being hung out in the dry Palestinian sun pales to a minor discomfort in comparison.

He will only know peace once his cult and its cannibalistic core rituals have been abandoned and forgotten. Please, do whatever you can to ease his otherwise ceaseless suffering – for Jesus’s sake.