12. Dear Marta

A note from you is always appreciated, I know your time is precious. Now more so than ever. I need to make a mental note of when the baby is due. Winter?

I have been keeping my eye out for your new collection. It has been a big summer for you with all the chunky cotton knits and the linen line, I can’t wait to see what surprises Winter brings. I think perhaps some sweaters for men? We shall see! The sweater you shared on insta that Sam’s Aunt made was awesome, for lots of reasons. An Aunt that knits family members cool sweater must be great, and it must touch your heart especially. Part of your love story I would think.

As you know, we head to Maine at the end of the month. If you think I loved Babaá before, just wait, because now I am going to be #livinginbabaa in Maine for a Winter! I do not need anything new myself, but my past favorites will be keeping me warm. Remember that time on vacation I wrote from Maine and told you your sweater made me feel like a local because the people there truly know the importance of wearing wool for warmth. Well anyway, I am going to get to appreciate it all over again in a much deeper way.

A few things happened that led us to this decision of Wintering in Maine, and it is a long story… but we plan to stay in Maine now for 10 months.

It all started one afternoon last Autumn in Ian Chittenden’s wood shop. When Maya saw that Ian had a wood working shed, with a childish innocence she invited herself to make something. Throughout the year we had visited Richard Upchurch a couple of times at the Brand New Noise studio in Brooklyn, during which time Maya fixed her sights on woodworking. All the little scraps of wood kindled Maya’s imagination and she was feeling very drawn to do more woodwork. The sight of Ian’s wood and tools ignited Maya’s creativity you could say, and before long Ian and the children were tucked away in the shed making fairy furniture. During this time Ian was sharing his stories and ideas, one of which was that he planned to do wood working with his students the following year. When Maya heard this it was a seed being planted. It was very quickly worked out that Maya was the same age as Ian’s students and if we lived in Maine and she went to school she would be in Ian’s class. We saw Maya’s eyes glow with this prospect, and as is a parent’s duty, I held her light in my heart.

Cam and I had long been discussing selling our house and moving back to Australia and for whatever reason I felt that before we did so we should see a little more of America. I came up with a few ideas, one of which was that we would each choose a place we wanted to visit. I chose Hawaii, Cam could not decide, and both Maya and Elle choose Maine. We did not want to travel quickly, because Cam has serious work commitments each day so we thought we would spend a few months in each place, and call it slow traveling. It made sense to start with Maine, and then head west. The search for a short term rental began and it became evident that people who own houses in Maine like to rent their house out for a short amount of time for a mega amount of money in Summer, and a long amount of time for much less money in Winter. To make it work we had to opt for the later. Throughout the Winter and Spring, it is quiet and cold in Maine not as desirable or doable to the masses, and lots of the summer rental places are empty. Owners who let in Winter want renters to fill up the entire off season lease. We had difficulty finding a suitable place we could rent for just a few months in Winter because of fireplace insurance. With much family discussion we ended up committing to a 10 month off season rental. As I mentioned, I was holding the light from Maya’s school seed in my heart and so decisions were without a doubt falling into place with an underpinning of love for our children

Maya was very motivated to try out the school and be in Ian’s class, and committing to a 10 month rental would allow this. Elle went along with this idea too and became excited by the proposal of going to school for the first time. When your child is asking to go to school because they admire the teacher, it feels pretty special.

So Marta, that is what is happening! My inner self has been a little tender knowing I will not have the girls by my side all day. It has been an incredible blessing to have as much time with them as I have had. The role of home maker and teacher to my children has filled me with esteem and pride, but more than that. I know exactly what makes my children tick, I know what fills them up, letting that closeness slip away is like your favorite season passing. To help myself there has been some humor, where I get to share my truth, in a light comical way. I have been putting on a mock voice, a woe is me type character saying, “You can’t go to school, I will not have it, you have to stay with me!” They laugh and say “Oh mama! We want to go to School! Yes we do!” I have to be careful and keep my longing to have our homeschool days back in check because Elle is so sensitive, she would give up her excitement for school to be with me in a heart beat if I pressed. Maya’s class will be full with combined 5th and 6th grades, and I know she will expand with all the new social situations to explore. Elle’s class will be small, with only 9 children, and that feels perfect for Elle. We feel grateful that the children will be able to learn in a Waldorf environment. It was my dream prior to having children that we would be able to be a part of a Waldorf community. Now, with selling the house and moving, making some financial changes, we can enroll them for this one year. Then we will see how life unfolds.

The plan is ultimately still to move back to Australia.

In the meanwhile, I am going to have more time to myself than I have had since they were born.

So… what will I do?

I am a little nervous. I would like to be free to spend my days drawing, painting and writing in a way that in the long run serves others. There is some encouragement (the positive of pressure) that if the girls are in a Waldorf school I should produce an income to help contribute. I would like that, I just wish my daily prose put me in a position to give. So as not to inundate myself though I am considering getting a job at the local co-op or the local bakery. Well, who knows what will present itself? I considered also working in the elderly nursing home.

Well that’s enough about me.

It made me so happy to hear your pregnancy is going well and you feel good. I know many struggle, and I am empathetic because I think a positive frame of mind is very important. The mother is the universal body, you stand in for the energy of the cosmos, and your baby is growing in it. What you think of yourself is everything. I wish it could be wonderful for all, and if not wonderful, at least a time of content. I was like you, I felt the best ever. I felt peaceful, open and expansive and loved that my curves represented creation.

Matilda, Elias, and ____ If I were to guess, I would say you are going with a creative name for the baby. Well, that’s just me. I wanted to name Maya, Blue, and Cam would not agree. I had a friend in Alaska named Bleu, and when I met her, I told her I loved her name, and she said, which struck me as the funniest thing, she said, “It is french for Blue.” That was the same Winter my friend Colin painted the picture of me, which I called Magnesium Blue. There is a lot in a name…

OK, one last story…

We have been going to the same supermarket two or three times a week for the past five years, and I recognize most of the employees. Last week, there was a new person working at the check out. When all my food was placed on the conveyor belt, I stopped to look at her name tag. “Zapolah” the tag read. A jolt uplifted me when I said her name to myself.

“Anything with the word zap in it is fun!” My inner voice mused.

Then for some unknown reason the inner dialogue continued. “I bet her Grandmother named her that.” Then I thought. “Oh Kirsten, you really do think random things.” I took a moment to look at her physique. she was very tall and stately, she held herself in a confident manner. Long back braids fell to her waist, and she had a deity quality. She was a handsome women. When she finished with the customer before me, we greeted one another, and since I had been thinking of her name, and how well it suited her, I decided to compliment her on it. “You have a very unusual and cool name, I really like it.” I said. There are some boundaries of what it is to be weird, and so instead of blurting out, “Did your Grandmother name you?” I opted instead to ask, “Did your father or your mother name you?” A smile spread across her face for my genuine interest, and then would you believe, she said, “My Grandmother named me.” I broke into particles of light. Seriously, I overflowed. So I told her. “You know what?” I said, “I actually thought to myself, I bet her Grandmother named her, but it seemed just too odd for me to say that!” She smiled, thinking I was funny, and she totally understood what I mean’t about saying that would have been strange. Then it struck me that we had something in common.

“My grandmother named me too.” I said.

Well Marta, that really is all I have to share. I should sign off so you do not spend an hour reading this. I do not want to take you away from your family.