If you are a single mom and just like me - you feel ready to have a new man in your life but are experiencing a little bit (or a lot) of doubt about it, or if you are already dating or have been feeling doubt or even worry, then this week’s Magic Monday blog might be for you.

I have been wanting a new relationship for more than one year now. I have worked on my own processes to create the perfect partner, to really connect to the feelings I want to feel, etc. but I have also experienced a lot of doubt since I first declared to myself and to the Universe that I was ready to come out of my comfort zone and just be open to all possibilities.

I was excited to get out there and find out how much I actually had learned about myself and how much I was ready to learn even more by meeting new men. Because at the end that is really the purpose of any relationship, to learn more about yourself so that you can become a better person.

I thought I was ready to let the love for myself be stronger than the fear of being vulnerable and getting hurt again.

Before I did that bold declaration I was dreaming that my perfect man will just come knocking on my door one day. I still do, but the difference is that at some point I realized that wanting that was just a reflection of my fear of getting out there, of meeting new men, of opening up my heart to someone else, of getting hurt again. I was pretty much afraid of being me and of finding out that maybe I was not so ready after all.

So I still believe that my perfect man will surprise me one day by showing up on my door, but I am now facing my fears and insecurities and daring to look at everything and everyone with the eyes of curiosity, and wonder about what it is that I am being called to learn so that I can get what I really want.

This year I've been writing and talking about how important it is to understand that everything that you want, you want it because you believe you are going to feel in certain way when you get it.

Yes, the list of all the qualities (physical & emotional) of your new perfect man and, all the things that you are going to do together, etc is very important, but you then want to go deep and find the essence of what this relationship is going to give you and how you want to feel when you get it.

Because if you are too focused on the outside details and you forget how you want to feel when being with this person, you will eventually find a man that is tall, strong, has brown eyes and wants three children (or doesn’t want any kids and he’s happy with yours) only to find out later on, that you are not getting what you really wanted.

Think about it this way. You want a new home and you know exactly how it looks like in the outside You focus only on the appearance of your new home in great detail but you aren’t clear on what you want to do in your house, and the functions you want it to fulfill.

You might get your “dream home”, just to find out that it doesn’t serve your needs anyway.

In the other hand if you are not so sure about how this house is going to look like, but you are know that sunlight is important because it gives you a feeling of health, it’s surrounded by trees and with a view to the water because the trees represent expansion and connection to nature and the water gives you peace of mind. You want a big terrace or balcony that gets evening sun because you enjoy eating outside in the summer, playing with your children and having people over for a BBQ.

Whether or not, you know how many rooms, or the specific location, if you know the essence of the house you want you will find one that makes you feel good. Knowing the essence and feeling will allow you to be open to letting what you want in whatever way, shape, size, form, etc. that is more appropriate.

So last week when I felt confused and found myself thinking too much, I knew it was time for a “What is the feeling that you are reaching out for Adriana? Why do you want a new man? and here’s what came out of that:

CONNECTION

This is an important feeling for me and one I strive to experience with my children every day. To have the time to connect with each one of them even if it’s only for five minutes. I want to connect with my man every day. Even if we have a busy day, we know that it’s important to take a moment to connect with each other, even if only for five minutes.

“A closed system will naturally fall apart over time unless energy is put back into the system from the outside”

PASSION

I remember my very first lesson on Personal Development where for the first time I learned about Napoleon Hill’s classic “Think and Grow Rich” and James Allen “As a Man Thinketh”. The coach was talking about finding our passion. He said many people asked about How do I find my passion?

He said COMMIT TO SOMETHING.

And continued: “Think of passion as a relationship. You might not feel too passionate about that person on your first date, but as you get to know this person you develop the passion.

Start committing to something, and your passion will come.

At the moment I was not feeling too passionate about myself and about my life and I decided that I was going to commit to myself, to my own personal and spiritual growth and I decided that I wanted to believe that no matter what, If I stayed committed to myself the passion will come and all will work out for me.

One of my favorite parts of the book Conversations with GOD is when they are talking about relationships and God says that he is not advocating for short or long term relationships. He is only asking us to remember the purpose of our lives being to become the best version of ourselves and to think about what a better way than a long term relationship to help us in our journey.

Having a person in our lives that is constantly reflecting the good that we are and the areas where we need to pay attention in order to learn more about ourselves and to grow into the best version of ourselves.

I want to feel passionate and physically attracted to my man. But I also want to experience that feeling of passion that comes with commitment. The commitment to ourselves, to our relationship, to the life that we are creating together.

Good relationships don’t just happen. They take time, effort, patience, and two people who truly want to be together.

JOY IN CREATING

I want to be with a man that is happy and excited about his life just as he is about the life that we are creating together.

LESSONS AND ACTION STEPS

By doing this essence check I found out that the doubt I was experiencing was a call for me to recommit to myself. To check how much I am enjoying everything that I am creating right now and to stay committed to myself, to my values, to the life that I am creating.

And to trust that as long as I take small steps every day that give me those feelings, my perfect man will suddenly show up at my door ready to grow into the best version of himself, committed to finding his passion and excited about the life that we are creating together.

Now is your turn.

As you prepare yourself to set the intentions for what you want to create this week I want to encourage you to do an ESSENCE and FEELING check of what you want.

Describe what you want as specifically as you possibly can.

Can you ask for something that is even better?

What is the quality, feeling or essence that having this is going to give you?

Can you name 3 ways you can experience this quality, feeling or essence right now?

JOY is an attitude; it is the presence of love - for self and others. It comes from a feeling of inner peace, the ability to give and receive, and the appreciation of yourself and others. It is a state of gratitude and compassion, a feeling of connection to your innermost self, your soul.