David Schnarch, a sex therapist, uses conversations taken directly from his own marriage and the married couples he sees in practice to help readers lay the myth that marriages need to be passionless. This book is particularly helpful for older couples who are often able to handle intmacy better

Schnarch says that a man is more likely to let a relationship suffer in order to hold on to his sense of self, while a woman is more apt to let her identity suffer to help strengthen it. Schnarch gives explicit tips on how to alter this pattern, an essential step he calls "differentiation." He also explains why compromise isn't always the best route to take when conflicts arise. The couples described deal with the usual issues: uneven sexual desire, initiation, oral sex, self-image problems, and the problem of trust.