Keeping your sanity while working from home and homeschooling

It can seem impossible to working from home and homeschooling. It takes a lot of trial and error to create a system that works and at most times it can feel like you are on a hamster wheel, going nowhere fast, Make no mistake, it is chaotic and frustrating. You will feel guilty and alone. But, (and I can say this despite still trying to figure this out) it is possible to maintain your sanity and to find joy in this life.

I’ve learned so much since beginning this journey seven years ago, most of which can be summed up into 7 truths:

Be Honest and Realistic. Live your truth! That means knowing who you are and admitting what you need to be happy. Working from home can be isolating on its own. Add homeschooling to the mix and you may begin to feel like a hermit. If you are an outgoing extrovert who dislikes the idea of being home all day, it is best to admit that upfront and to make arrangement accordingly. Conversely, if you are an introvert like me, the idea of not having to people (yes, it is a verb) may be so enticing that you forget leaving the house is actually necessary for your sanity.

This goes for your family too. You must be honest about who your spouse is and who your children are. Every child is different, and some may need to be around people more than others. Knowing what your kids need individually will better help you plan your work week. If you have to be on-duty and focused on them during their waking hours, then find a job that allows you to work when they are asleep. If they can work independently for a few hours, then try to work during those hours.

Routines are Key. When trying to balance a lot of things, forming healthy habits are essential. I am terrible at consistency, and I lose it here, often. But I know that when I am sticking to my routine, I experience fewer headaches. My daughter also thrives on routines, so it’s important for us. I try not to be too hard on myself when I slip (see 1 and 3).

Be Flexible. I don’t mean be able to change things at a moment’s notice. Rather, to me, flexibility means that you recognize that nothing is permanent. Let’s face it, sometimes you take a job because being able to pay your bills is more important than anything else (hell, I took a job posting in message board forums as an angry elf, and writing essays for college students, ugh). I understand. But remember, that when you remove the desperation of being unemployed, you can focus on looking for a better job. So stick with this for three months. Step up your job search and make small changes to your homeschool to accommodate. Remember, nothing is set in stone and temporarily doing something you may not like may lead you to exactly what you need.

Ask for Help. Maya Angelou said, “Nobody, but nobody can make it out here alone,” and she is absolutely right. ASK FOR HELP when you need it. Ask your neighbor’s homeschooled teen to be a helper a few hours a week so that you can work or sleep. Share teaching duties with another homeschooling mom (you can even do this online) so that you can do what you need to do. Talk to your spouse about doing food prep during on his/her day of so that it’s easier for the week. Ask your friends to share how they manage their homes. You’d be surprised how much help is waiting.

Change Your Techniques. Is anyone as sick of homeschooling styles as I? The truth is that I do what I need to do to reach my goals. Seriously! Never be afraid to use a boxed curriculum if you must reduce planning time. Or try project-based homeschooling. Maybe teach writing by having your child journal or blog. Use cooking to teach math. The goal is to make things easier without driving yourself crazy! Don’t be too tied to your vision.

Stop and/or Say No. No is a complete sentence. It doesn’t need explanation or justification. You are saying no because you believe that it is the right thing to do. My daughter would love to play at the park every day with her friends from our co-op, but it’s not going to happen. I have to say no a lot- to her, to my husband, and to friends. And I used to feel very badly about this. But I realized that as long as I am ensuring that our NEEDS as individuals are being met, I’m good. Sometimes that means that I have to STOP WORKING to play games or take my daughter to an event. Sometimes, I have to STOP! Period. And that is OK too. Never be afraid to set limits. And if something is not working, stop doing it (see 2 and 4).

Make Time for You and for Joy. I suck at this. I don’t do it enough, but I am learning. It’s so important to ensure that your life is about more than just your titles. You NEED to have fun. You need to do things that bring you joy. Carve out time. If that means taking 20 minutes every morning to eat coffee cake and drink coffee, so be it. If that means having a beer or a glass of wine at the end of the day, do it. Treat yourself to a movie, a walk, a manicure when you have someone available to take over for a bit. Small moments have a huge impact.

What great advice! I am printing this out and putting it on the sanity wall I keep next to the coffee pot. It is encouraging to see someone actually doing this for seven years.

I made the transition to full-time consulting/freelancing this past January. I cobble together a decent income doing independent editing and writing, teaching online, selling curriculum, and consulting. It's scary and exhilarating. I love the flexibility, but hate the way money is either feast or famine (and people who pay invoices late stink!).

One thing I am having a tough time with is workaholism. I grew up kinda poor and in retrospect I see that I stayed at jobs that constrained my choices because having regular money made me feel *emotionally* secure. Naturally, my response to even the possibility of cash flow problems now is to work, work, work. Do/did you have that problem, and if so, how did you address it?

Thanks for reading and commenting! Please forgive my long response- I have a lot to say about this.

I have had the same issues with workaholic-tendencies although for different reasons. I grew up upper middle class and was taught that getting help (public assistance, etc.) would be an embarrassment and would, despite my two degrees and marriage would make me a statistic. Because I have cut off contact from my Mom, I've been paying my own way since I was in college and the thought of being a statistic made me work 2-4 jobs at once. My husband and I have been very poor and my refusal to get public assistance when we truly needed it means that I have worked way more than is healthy. In fact, I worked so much that I did not have the energy for my husband or my daughter and it strained our relationships. My husband and I were fighting all the time and almost divorced last year. My daughter began acting out and her well-being was suffering.

So, my advice? Step outside of your fear. I have spent the last year learning to do this. Right now you are living in it as I was (and sometimes still do). I decided to create the life that I wanted not the life that fear made me think I needed. We sat down and figured out how to fix our finances so that we we had what we NEEDED. My rule is that as long as we have the necessities (shelter, food, clothing, gas (so my husband can get to work), and electricity) then we are good. I focus now on reducing my material needs and finding emotional security in myself and my family- and that means BEING THERE WITH THEM. Your children will not remember how much money you had. They will remember the times that you missed out on the things that was important to them.

I began using a bullet journal to help plan my days and to ensure that I am not spending too much time working. I work no more than 30 hours a week and to be honest, most weeks I am working $20. I have learned to prioritize and to break everything down into "fives"-

Web design project to complete? List all the things that I need to do, add deadlines, add 1 or 2 things to my daily To Do List.
Writing project? List all the things that I need to do, add deadlines, add 1 or 2 things to my daily To Do List.

I do no more than 5 work things a day!

Ultimately, I also discovered that freelancing could not be my bread and butter. The uncertainty, the lulls in pay? I hated it. So I looked for something that would give me a steady paycheck. I utilized my extensive background in web design, writing, social media, networking, and community building to land a WAH position with a entertainment company as a Social Media Manager. The steady paycheck changed my world and because I was upfront about my needs (remember my first tip?) I am able to work from home doing it.

I think that 5 a day thing (or a similar form) is a great idea. I'm really big on lists, and for work, I concentrate on being very precise and specific, and also I try to be realistic about what needs to be done, vs what I want to do. I give the same advice to my students who are juggle study, work and/or family. Knowing immediately what task I can pick up when I have 10, 30 or 60 minutes does make it much more efficient when I have some time to work.

I work part time, which does make things easier. I get up early, and fit in work when I can in the rest of the day. The one thing I do sometimes feel down about is that I really should/could find a more challenging job, but the one I'm in is flexible, and I don't think I'd find anything else that fits so well into our life.

I have done several "work-at-home" jobs in the past. Some are easier to manage than others. We own a couple of rental properties, which means that I can go for weeks with nothing to do, but then there will be 2 or 3 issues that require my attention immediately (flood, broken appliances, tenant moving out, etc..). I hate it when that happens, because I pretty much have to deal with that stuff whenever it happens. I can't schedule it or plan for it.

I've also done a lot of part-time teaching, which means doing all my lesson planning and marking at home. I found it incredibly time consuming, and hard to do with kids distracting me every 10 minutes. I found I was constantly thinking about my next lesson plan, and any free time I had I felt like I needed to be at my computer. I've also done a fair bit of tutoring at home, which has its pros and cons. The lesson planning can be time-consuming if I'm really trying to create individualized lessons for my students. The kids also have to be quiet/well-behaved when I have a student in the house. They're old enough now that it's not an issue.

Working from home was definitely the way to go for me while homeschooling. My husband earned a regular paycheque that met our basic needs, so I was perfectly okay with having up-and-down income. The downsides were the feeling that I was *always* at work. There were no days that felt "off" because I was always either doing homeschool-work, house-work, or paid-work. Since I started working part-time outside of the home, I really feel like I can goof off in the house now, which I never used to do.

I run a small ebay business, in addition to homeschooling, and taking care of the house and animals. I realized a few weeks ago that "5 a day" was my magic number for how much work to do. I can't list more than 5 items a day in my store AND get everything else done, (cleaning new inventory that I buy at estate sales, packing and shipping items that have sold). I was trying to keep a pace of 10 items a day, and it's too much. It may seem like an easy thing, but ebay selling can be a huge time sink. But it's great, because I can work after the kiddo is in bed, so I always feel mentally "there" with him, (not thinking about work). Plus, I have started to have him help me with little things for the business, like bringing packages into the post office and helping to put labels on boxes.

Routines are definitely the single most important way I keep my sanity. Nature has unchanging cycles and rhythms, and I have learned over the years that I must have them too. If I've only gotten three hours sleep, but the alarm goes off, I still have to get up and go through my morning routine. If I hit off the alarm and try to catch a few more z's then the next thing I know I've drifted off to la-la land for two more hours and the whole day feels shot. My natural instinct is to just let things "come as they may" but it never, ever has worked out. Either the family gets shortchanged or the work gets shortchanged, or my personality gets shortchanged because I'm trying madly to play "catch-up." Instead, if I stick to a routine - - even when it feels unnatural - - I somehow manage to get a lot more time for the people and things I love. It's been a constant battle, but one I can honestly say that I'm mostly winning and in the process I'm feeling a little more in tune with the world's natural rhythms.

I've been working from home for 13 years. Homeschooling for 3 (started when younger child was in 3rd grade). I still have not found the secret to "keeping my sanity." I suppose my ADD doesn't help things-- it seems that I am allergic to routines and schedules.

Robin,
working-at-home mother of two.
homeschooling the 11yo boy.
the girl is 14 (8th grade) and loves her public school.
they are very very different kids.

So, you want to homeschool your child but they are preschool age. Guess what? Preschool age is perfect for play learning, as you may have noticed in my other article. But you can still do things and...

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