August 21, 2007

I had a thought. You know how in like elementary school, the kids are taught about good dental hygiene? Brush and floss twice a day like good little boys and girls, or else some cavity monsters will eat your teeth, and you’ll have no teeth anymore. And remember to go see your happy little dentist twice a year!

Eh, interesting curriculum. I have a better idea. Try this.

Kids, brush and floss regularly. Why? Because toothpaste and floss are relatively cheap. And if you don’t, you will get cavities and gingivitis, which requires special and very expensive dental checkups. Your parents may or may not have dental coverage on their health plan, if they even have a health plan at all. So when you’re in excruciating pain from cavities and you need to have the dentist fill it or yank the tooth, which will be more physical hardship for you, mommy and daddy will have to shell out thousands of dollars to even have it done, which will result in them going into serious debt, you will get nothing for Christmas or your birthday for the next five years, they won’t be able to make the mortgage or rent payments, so you’ll all have to move in with grandma and live in the same cramped room. Or even if you don’t need any serious dental work now, the bad dental habits now will cause lots of problems later when you’re an adult, and your mouth is in agonizing pain and you need a root canal, but you have no dental coverage and you can’t afford the procedure, so you’ll either go without it and be in misery for a long time while your teeth deteriorate more, making you need an even more expensive procedure, or you have it done immediately, but even then the cost is too much, making you unable to afford food or gasoline for the next year. You’ll then have to move back in with your parents, only to have them ride your ass for having not listened to them when you were a kid about proper dental hygiene.