My Boyfriend’s Overprotective Mother

Asked by Lc90 on 2019-02-16 with 1 answer:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. My boyfriend still lives with his mom, sisters, and step dad. We were seeing each other almost everyday. But recently his mom told him he has to be home before 9pm. Also he can’t come over during the weekdays anymore unless he texts her and asks. He is 25 years old. She always is telling him he is making mistakes by not being home and not inviting her to the movies with us. His little sister acts like she is his other mom, and she can tell him what to do, because his mom gave her that power. We have talked about moving in together, but now his mom isn’t going to let us. He pays her rent every month ($400). He is the oldest child as well. My boyfriend is seeing the way his mom is, and wants to talk to her. But she always makes his sisters sit in so they can gang up on him. His dad loves me and always is very welcoming in his house. He always tells us that he is just so happy and proud of how we are trying to be on our own. I just want to know.. is his mom taking this to far? Does she not want us together? She does she just not like me?

I don’t have enough information to determine her motivations. To date, your boyfriend has been unwilling to stand up to his family. They seem to rule his life. Unless he takes a stand with them, nothing will likely change.

In all likelihood, his “talking” to them won’t help. His goal may be trying to convince them to stop what they’re doing. It’s unlikely that they will change unless he changes his behavior towards them. Talking to them may not be enough.

Unless you are satisfied with the status quo, be cautious about this relationship. If he is unwilling to stand up to his family, then they will continue to be dominate his life. By not standing up for himself, he is reinforcing their behavior. If you don’t like the way he interacts with his family, and he is unwilling to change, then this may not be the relationship for you.

You might try couples counseling. Perhaps that could help. If he’s unwilling, individual counseling could assist you in determining how to move forward in this relationship. Good luck and please take care.

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Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.