OMG! NTV’S LARRY MADOWO ARRESTED IN USA AND ACCUSED OF DRUG TRAFFICKING. SEE WHAT HE WAS FOUND CARRYING! UNBELIEVABLE…

“You have much to learn about us Africans,” was the appropriate answer. “We’ll tie and lead a live goat through international airports and into America if we could.”

But I just kept quiet because he still had my landing card and could send me back.

It is then that he discovered I had several sachets of Royco cubes — the star that lifts every Kenyan meal from the bland category. He put them aside as well as he asked me questions that suggested he wouldn’t stop until he had my DNA samples.

He left me standing there while he went to channel his inner Walter White with my flour and seasoning. “Is this a random search or have I been flagged for something?” I asked his colleague. “It’s totally random for compliance issues,” he assured me.

Except it wasn’t, because I was the first black person out of the plane and only one to be stopped. Just like I had been “randomly” selected for a secondary search at Amsterdam 12 hours prior to this episode.

Meanwhile, Long had broken into my Ujimix and Royco and was testing them for heroin, marijuana and opium. “I just want to make sure that they are what you say they are,” he said with the seriousness of a mortician. His little Chemistry experiment complete, he plastered the broken ends of my gifts with the world’s most conspicuous blue tape and handed them back to me.