My Boyfriend of Five Years Blocked Me on Social Media

Our sex and relationships columnist answers your personal questions.

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By
Logan Hill

Aug 13, 2014

My boyfriend of five years just broke up with me. We talked about taking a break a month prior, and things were actually OK between us, but then, all of a sudden, he deleted and blocked me from all his social media. He says very little about why, and that's it. He will not talk to me now. Oh, also, he lives in a different state currently. I don't understand what happened. What should I do?

I've been getting so many emails about sudden, cheap-shot breakups that it seems like it's becoming systemic. Thanks to technology, it's never been easier to be a pathetically passive-aggressive prick. Bad behavior? Immaturity? Cruelty? Yep, there's an app for that.

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People leave bitchy online comments they'd never say to someone's face. They troll politics sites behind the safety of an anonymous username. They complain about an overcooked entrée on Yelp instead of telling the waiter who can actually do something about it. And now some people are treating breakups like they're as simple as closing browser windows or uninstalling apps. It seems like some people will do anything to avoid facing problems IRL.

To end a relationship so abruptly after five years is obviously lousy — and you didn't deserve that. The good news is that he was such a jerk that you're going to have fewer regrets about moving on. And you do actually know something about what happened: You already talked about ending the relationship a month ago. While I'm sure you felt like you were blindsided by his disrespectful ghost act, and I'm sure you're looking for some closure, I bet you can piece together enough with the information on hand — especially when you add what you learned when he passive-aggressively blocked you on social media and revealed himself to be a cowardly jackass.

I'm sure you're hurting, but don't waste your time on this clown. You can find someone out there who knows how to behave like an adult.

My long-term boyfriend cheated on me with a hooker. I forgave him eventually. We're still together, but I keep worrying that because he got away with it the first time, he might try again. But with someone who means more to him than a prostitute …

I've got to say, it seems reasonable to worry that he might try it again: He's lied. He's paid for sex. And he might lie and pay for sex again.

But let's start by talking about the last sentence of your letter, in which you say that what you're really worried about is that he will cheat "with someone who means more to him than a prostitute." Personally, I'd be just as worried about him cheating on you with another prostitute. I suppose I just don't think it would be that much worse if he had sex with another woman and didn't pay her. It might inflict a different sort of pain on you if you thought he was also emotionally involved, but does that really matter? The point is the transgression, isn't it? He broke your trust. He cheated. He disrespected you. Period.

Since your boyfriend has engaged in what doctors like to call "high-risk" sexual behavior — condom or not — this isn't just a question of loyalty either. It's also a question of sexual health. If he cheats on you again with a prostitute, he might not tell you, but he may expose you to an STD anyway.

It's downright saintly (or stupid) to forgive a guy for cheating on you with a prostitute. Only time will tell. The question is: Do you truly trust him, if you're writing me a letter like this?

If you're having misgivings because, on some gut level, you don't trust him, maybe you should trust those instincts, reconsider his spotty history, and dump him. That voice you hear, telling you to get out of there now? Maybe you should listen to it.

My ex and I were together for almost five years. We broke up a month ago, and his friend asked me out. I said yes but am not sure how to tell my ex. I'm trying to remain friends with him. Any advice?

Wow, your ex's friend moved fast — good for him. He must believe you won't last long on the open market.

Hopefully, you and your ex-boyfriend are taking a bit of a break from each other because, as a general rule, it's an awful idea to try to shift from long-term relationship to bosom buddies immediately. After five years, you both surely need a breather. Take some time to take a step back.

Since you and your ex have broken up, you don't owe him an explanation of any sort for anything, obviously. But since this guy is a mutual friend, it could become an issue. If the three of you are hanging out regularly, you've got to tell him. You'd be doing absolutely nothing wrong by dating this friend of your ex, and lying wouldn't just be unnecessary — it would make you feel guilty for no reason.

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That said, if you're not seeing your ex regularly, it seems fine to me to keep your date to yourself. Maybe wait and see — and only tell him if it looks like it's going to get serious. You don't have to update your Facebook relationship status after every date — and you deserve some privacy, especially while you're figuring out how to be single again.