Monday, February 20, 2012

Day 50- 287 pounds!

So, I am writing this ever so humbly, as I have gained 2 pounds since Friday. I have not stuck to my diet. I have went to the gym, that hasn't stopped. I got in trouble by my trainer on Friday when we met with her for Andy's appointment. I had stopped sending her my food at the end of the day (the accountability circle) and then she read my blog and my eating habits over the last several days and such. I got called on it... and she made me promise to never stop trying. And I won't. I'm sure I will fall off the wagon again. Sometimes you just want a Dorito (LOL Robin). I just didn't think it would happen so fast. I am only a month and a half into this. I had been doing so well.

This failure is done. I am working on my triumph from this moment on. Just like any other addiction, this one will have moments of relapse. I can't be the only one who finds it difficult to eat (or not eat) a certain way all of the sudden. All I can do is own up to what I have done, which is eaten poorly and in the "old ways" and not counted my calories and made the right choices.

I just wish it were easier to remember how I feel after I eat things I am not supposed to. Not only the mental feelings of guilt and such, but the physical feelings, ie. stomach pain, fatigue, etc. I think what would help me out (even just a little bit) is more education and information on cooking healthy. We don't eat alot of vegetables at my house, never have, even when I was a child. I need to "go to school" on what vegetables are better for me, and will feed my family, without them (and me) feeling like I am being punished and made to "eat your vegetables"! I know there are good for me and great tasting ones out there, I just have no idea what they are!

I haven't accomplished much in my life. I am a mother to two of the best boys ever and they are the pride and joy of my life. I am married to the most wonderful man there is, and he makes my days happier. But I only finished one year of college. I haven't really made a career for myself, but have had several jobs that I have liked and loved. I don't have any savings to speak of, I don't have a lot of material possessions (which of course is not really important). I have been happy and I have been sad. I currently am happy, and satisfied in my life, even healthy for what I weigh. I am not happy with my weight, I am not happy with the way I look, and now is the time for change. I will follow through on this goal. I will finish this feat I have taken on.

I know I have let alot of you down, but that is nothing compared to the contempt and disappointment I feel for myself. I will keep on trucking! Keep following, I promise there will be greater loss, as I build confidence in myself!

2 comments:

You haven't let anyone down, not even yourself! That kind of thinking is what's going to derail you from this amazing mission you are on. You are a role model, especially for your boys. You said you never had vegetables growing up, but now you can introduce vegetables into their diet so they are not so intimidated by them as they grow older. My favorite website for recipes (for my mom to make for me) is http://www.wholefoodsmarket.com/recipes/Yes, it's Whole Foods, but you can "cheat" and not buy the organic stuff... But the recipes have really interesting ways to prepare old foods, ideas for new foods and they are very good and sneaking in vegetables and fruits onto your plate. They also have ideas on how to get your boys involved in the cooking/prep so they get more excited about eating the meal (and you can always use a few more hands in the kitchen).

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About Me

OK, So here's the deal! I have a very lofty goal of losing 125 pounds in 1 year. My starting weight is 296.4. At the end of 2012, I am planning on being somewhere around 160. This will be the lowest weight I have been since I was probably 14 or so, so this is a major milestone and achievement I have set for myself.