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Sunday, March 10, 2013

The last post I made on this blog was in November of last year.
I relied on this blog so much.
Some things have changed.
I've changed. Quite a bit. People are noticing. Some people--some of the people closest to me--aren't liking it. But I am what I am, at least, if I'm ok with it. I've come to realize that I am my own beautiful invention. I CAN be who I am and who I want to be AT THE SAME TIME, even if they aren't the same thing. That's amazing. That's beautiful. I'm proud of me for that.
I don't remember which year of college I started this blog.My sophomore year, probably. But I've done so many things, gained things and lost them. I lost (or did I leave?) my faith. I lost my sister. I lost my social life (thank you college and Undergrad research). I learned to shoot a gun (quite well) and a bow. I learned to play video games (also well). I gained a friend or two. I gained a little confidence.
I'm still afraid of driving. I've still got my dog (he weighs about 120 pounds now, you guys!). I'm still constantly trying to escape the holes my "family" left me in. I'm still fighting my depression sometimes. I'm still worried about my body. I'm still second best at everything.
But I think this blog has fulfilled its purpose, not that I could tell you what that was. I remember having intent, but somewhere, I forgot it and this turned into something else.
I'm proud of this little sliver of me and I'm not going to delete it, but I don't think I'll be coming back here.
Maybe I'll start a new blog (one that's ABOUT something ;D ) or maybe I won't. Maybe I'll just leave this part of my growing completely behind me. I don't know.
I guess we'll see.
Thanks for reading when you did, though. And when you didn't, I don't blame you :)

I want to write children's faerie tales, photograph wild animals, wear pretty dresses, get married on the beach, have a red-headed daughter, be a missionary in the congo of the BaMbuti, serve God in BIG ways everyday, fix up a little home with a flower box on the windows, paint the world, laugh and be as random as possible, and Love BIG every second that I'm given.