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Hooray! In a time of space travel, quantum physics, and a level of technology and enlightenment unprecedented in the history of our 4.5 billion year old world, we have finally declared the first ever Darwin Day! It is long overdue. This great new day is meant to celebrate Charles Darwin’s genius and theories on evolution. Evolution has turned out to be one of the most tested and verifiable scientific theories in human history which has held true with literally trillions of pieces of evidence supporting Darwin’s theory of evolution. Finally this great scientific pioneer has earned something he so richly deserves.

Happy First Ever Darwin Day!

It won’t shock you to know that there are still a shit ton of dipshit douchebag Darwin deniers! I’m not talking about a crazy dingbat living off roadkill in the south. Well, maybe that guy too. But also some of the elected leaders of our country. I’m talking about are those insane pastors, community leaders, and propagandists that still think that evolution is wrong. There are far too many people in a position of power that are fighting against evolution who on a daily basis are influencing people and making them dumbererererer…er.

Take this dingle-berry for example: According to The New York Times, Rep. Paul Broun said evolution is one of those “lies to try to keep me and all the folks who were taught that from understanding that they need a savior.”

Seriously -What the FUCK!? We know better. We ALL should know better. What would you say if these same jackasses insisted the world was flat? We know it’s not, because we can see it is round. We can see it FROM SPACE. We ALSO KNOW that evolution is real because WE CAN WATCH AND OBSERVE IT! The world isn’t flat. Evolution is real. FUCK!

So have a happy First Darwin Day! Please for the love that is all that is evolutionary, toss these jackasses out of office, out of leadership roles, toss them out of our lives, and let’s show them that evolution can even work on them!

Good old end of the worlds. I am in my 30’s and have already weathered a good half dozen apocalypses. Go me! Some have been truly catastrophic while some have been barely spoken about on the news. However, they all have one thing in common: they all make me want to shout “SERIOUSLY – WHAT THE FUCK!”

The worst New Years Eve party I ever went to was for Y2K. I thought it was all a big joke…a good apocalyptic reason to drink too much. However, my fellow partygoers were seriously scared out of their minds. Several didn’t want to drink so they were ready to react to the End of Days. Others were literally, and I use this word in its real sense, rapt with the news coverage of the 386 computer cam they had set up watching “The End”. I shit you not. Once my alcohol soaked mind realized they were really, REALLY scared, I made the mistake ofmaking fun of them. Needless to say I spent Y2K ringing in the new year kissing the beer I had and holding a conversation with the interesting cigarette I was smoking, the only other thing on the porch.

So this apocalypse, I will have the good manners to not make fun of all of the idiot lemmings. This year I plan to exploit them! Little did you know that the Mayan Apocalypse was also tied directly into the undead to finally bring about the most popular and awesome apocalypse there is, the ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!

That’s right sucka! Being here, reading this has infected you! You have no choice but to share and spread the infection across Facebook and all other forms of media. What’s more awesome than a fake Mayan Apocalypse? A real Facebook Zombie Apocalypse! Make sure you spread it throughout the day because zombies are insatiable brain eaters and now you are one! Mwhuahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Get to work my zombie minions!

Seriously – What the Fuck? These conspiracy theories drive me up a fucking wall but this is one of the worst. This shit is so far fetched that it just boggles the mind on how anyone can even remotely consider it. Instead of spending hours on the fucking paranoid and delusional websites that are out there why don’t you try to check out the many more websites out there that are full of tons of things that prove we have been to the moon many times. For fucks sake we have already started to trash it with our leftover junk! This is shit we can see with visual telescopes…

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Most of the things here are funny or annoying but there are some things that that make use say “What the fuck” in a much more terrible way. The mass shooting in Newtown is one of those things. You can’t make sense out of the senseless so don’t even try.

Our thoughts and our heart goes out to all those that have been affected.