TazTales....

....being the not terribly exciting, journal-type entries of a former hippie chick currently masquerading as a semi-settled, sorta suburban, minorly matronly massage meistresse....

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

good luck dear chris

i took chris to the airport this morning at 5:30 for his flight to kentucky. his court date is tomorrow morning at 9:00 and he is meeting with his lawyer lady (another attorney in the office of the guy i mentioned a few posts ago) beforehand. i have no idea if he will see jerry's mother in court. he is going into this pretty blind, but as prepared as possible.

i helped him edit his letter of rebuttal. it was hard to read. he detailed some of the events of his life with this woman--jerry's mother--and some of her phobias and fears about being followed, stalked, spied upon, etc....seems once chris left, he became the new "threat" in her life.

i don't want to say much more, as this site has had a few hits from "someone" in kentucky. i am not paranoid, and i could easily see her wanting to check up on me. chris' site was also hit from google blogsearch a few times.

if you are reading this, jerry's mom, please know that i wish you no harm--that i only want jerry to be able to know his father, a man i believe is good to the core--and that i wish only happiness and peace for you. blessed be....

Thursday, February 23, 2006

standing up straight

it's amazing how a stressful situation bleeds over into ALL aspects of one's life. how one accustoms oneself to simply carrying the load. only after it's been put down does one begin to realize how heavy it was...

i'm feeling almost buoyant, knowing that nothing needs to be done immediately (chris will be here to help w/rent for one more month), and intending that the next perfect new job situation is already out there waiting for me!

standing up straighter every hour....

yesterday was my son's Golden Birthday (age = date of the month) and he was so swamped with school that we couldn't celebrate. maybe this weekend. architecture school is a slave-driving course of study, but he loves to have something really big and complicated to push against (ah, sweet energy of youth!), so it suits him. he's also been strong in art, math, and science most of his life. i hope it keeps working for him.

meanwhile, i've got the morning off, and chris and i just finished cooking a vat of chicken soup. he's got sniffles and i don't want them!

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes....

I sent the school coordinator an email last week to confirm the hours/classes she wanted me for next session, which starts 5 March. In addition to technique classes, i've taught a lab class and supervised student clinics, but with 2 different groups in session, scheduling can get a little zooey.

On Monday, she came to me with a distraught look (during my class break, no less) and told me she had given the lab class to a new hire, and that she didn't have me down for any student clinics either.

So i am going from 12 hrs/wk to 0 hrs/wk, effective end of the month. My paycheck is going to plummet! I will still be getting paid for my 2 weekly shifts in the professional clinic, so it won't disappear altogether--but it's gonna be a lot less.

I told her i could no longer even TA for technique classes in the future, as they simply take too much out of me; and that, as such, i thought i needed to find another job that is less erratic.

At the next break i told the lead teacher about it (still feeling shakey) and her response was so great: "Maybe it's time for you to move on--like to Minnesota?!"

I hadn't even thought about the liberating aspect of the situation. In the short term, it also means that for the last weeks of Chris' visit, i'll have a lot more time to share with him, and a lot better attitude.

Teaching is difficult for me. I take stuff way too personally, and with the technique classes meeting for 2 4-hr sessions/week, get way too involved with the drama of the student body. It's never been easy for me, but i thought i should try to work through it.

I know i've helped the school in a lot of ways--pinch-hitting for whatever class they needed coverage for over the past couple of years. In return, i've gotten a first-class re-education! Both parties have benefitted, and now it's time for me to move on. (Interestingly enough, 3 lead instructors are also leaving as of this session--2 technique teachers and 1 anatomy teacher. One of them is moving away, and the other 2 are just 'done.') So in the grand scheme of things, it's part of the ongoing development of the school....sloughing off the old, taking on the new.

Now is the time i mentioned in a recent post, about getting my act together as far as private clients goes. The school paycheck has been good, but also my schedule changed every 2 months (rather catastrophically in this current case) and i had to simply juggle everything else around it.

Or perhaps i'll just take on a few hours doing something NOT massage-related! I'm ready for a part-time job that doesn't need my blood, sweat and tears (i have actually cried from frustration this last session, a couple of times)--just my abilities and presence.

It's still feeling a little weird--i'm going in this morning to test the class for their practical final--but on the other hand, i am actually relieved to let go of a poor fit.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Grateful Guys

Monday, February 20, 2006

Howzzat? I'm An Old Soul Who Acts 27!

You Are an Old Soul

You are an experienced soul who appreciates tradition.Mellow and wise, you like to be with others but also to be alone.Down to earth, you are sensible and impatient.A creature of habit, it takes you a while to warm up to new people.

You hate injustice, and you're very protective of family and friendsA bit demanding, you expect proper behavior from others.Extremely independent you don't mind living or being alone.But when you find love, you tend to want marriage right away.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

happy times

we picked up nathan from the airport last night at around 10:30 p.m. and it was fun to see how much he and chris look alike. of course, i had met nate once before when i was in minnesota, but it was only for an afternoon, plus it was 3 months ago. he will be here for 5 days this time and he and his dad have already gone bicycling around the neighborhood exploring and doing a little shopping.

chris is really enjoying the silversmithing class he's taking, and in addition to the one ring he has completed, is working on 2 more--and has plans for a pair of earrings for me, made with 2 rhodolite garnets we picked out together at the tucson gem & mineral show last weekend. we went with my son, who wanted our help in picking out a special valentine's gift for his girlfriend. he got a beautiful white gold and diamond necklace for her....i don't think he's ready to give her a ring yet (which is fine), but she is a wonderful young woman and i'm glad he spent the time and money to find her something really unique. wish i could have seen her face when he gave it to her!

i feel like i'm having a breather for the first time in weeks. school is over in one more week, and the students are fried, the faculty is frazzled, and even the administators look a little worn out--we'll all be happy when it's graduation day! then there's a week break, after which the next 6-month class starts....i'll be working far fewer hours (phew) in the first session, and think it's time to start figuring out how to boost my private clientele. teaching takes too much out of me; it does not come naturally to me and i find i take everything far too seriously.

i gave a jin shin jyutsu treatment to an old friend yesterday. she was quite impressed with it's effect, and i think she might be a good source of referrals to me. i have a hard time charging for this work, which is something she understands as she used to practice reiki herself. it got to a point for her where she was unable to charge at all for her work, and simply had a 'cookie jar' by her door to accept donations. that sounds good to me. i am still so new at the practice, it would be similar to an apprenticeship or something, to work on others without charging a set fee.

meanwhile one of my massage clients who dropped out over christmas is back, yay!

oh and chris won't be going to kentucky until the end of the month. that is wonderful news as it means his attorney will have time to prepare something. chris and i went to the hairdresser yesterday and got our hairs cut--he looks fabulous with shorter, more styled hair! plus we went and got him a new pair of dark brown khakis and a nice button-down collar shirt for his court appearance. we live in a culture that judges by appearance, so might as well join in for such a serious occasion. i am feeling guardedly optimistic at this point.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

all things must pass

chris has found a helpful lawyer in KY--more difficult than it sounds, as the woman had gone to nearly every law office in the county for a consultation, which meant that every firm had a conflict of interest when chris called to discuss their taking the case on. sigh. she has been very thorough.

the lawyer he has retained sounds good; he even thought of getting a continuance so that chris' other son nate can come visit as planned next week. it is an enormous relief as at least 2 days were spent on the phone, trying to find representation, and hearing so many say "she was in here for a consult so we can't take the case" was discouraging--to say the least. now, he may have a shred of a chance to have his side heard. a snowball's chance in hell, maybe, but a chance at least!

now we can concentrate on getting the travel trailer cleaned out for nate's visit. i lived in that trailer for 2-3 years out in cascabel--i have many fond memories of good times in remote places. it's a 23' coachman and should be a lot of fun as a spare bedroom! nate will be here next week, wednesday i think, so we'd better get a move on with this idea, or else he'll be sleeping indoors on the couch--and it's a lot shorter than he is!

thank you for all the good thoughts and prayers. i want to ask you all to send some to jerry's mom, tortured soul that she is. i am sending her compassionate thoughts, wishing her the peace she needs to allow jerry to visit and get to know his father again. they need to have contact again.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS

i'm going to try to be fair here, but it's a challenge.

chris will probably have to fly away to kentucky next week to address a new and completely outrageous twist in the ongoing saga of his attempt to be able to see his youngest son, who turned 4 in september. chris has not seen him for over a year.

i have pity and compassion for the woman who is the mother of his son. she is living in a suffering hell of paranoia, which causes her to believe things that are not true. she is truly projecting her fears onto others, creating a dismal and fearful life for herself. unfortunately, her actions affect not just herself. i cringe when i imagine the effect her imbalance has on her children. (she has an older son, about 16, as well. as far as i know, she has no relationship whatsoever with his father, and used to fantasize that he was 'out to get her' as well.)

it is so difficult to stay centered when i contemplate the time, money, and energy that chris has put out to attempt to resolve this custody issue--and yet i know that her life is one of misery and pain. i would not wish her mental landscape on anyone.

it is a draining situation that chris has endured for a long time. he is patient in a way that i can only dream of. he has not bad-mouthed this woman in any way. he is not out for revenge. he only wants to be able to see his son.

usually it's the other way around--the courts trying to chase down men who deny that they are fathers because they want to dodge the responsibilty of parenthood. and here chris is, going to court to prove his paternity because he wants so much to be a part of his son's life.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Just for fun

Sun Bear now, and then

This is my sweet Sun Bear posing nicely by one of her baby pics. It's blown up for your viewing pleasure in the next picture.

What good friends these doggers are!

I'm a cat person, too, but the last cat i had was so wonderful and special, i haven't wanted another one yet. He died of a combination of valley fever and lymphoma....in my lap, in the vet's office, after his last shot. I cried for a week. This was about 3 years ago, and Angus has taken up all my available attention pet-wise for the last year. When Effie is reborn in another kitty, i hope i recognize him and take him home!