Monster

Summary:
I'm nothing but a monster burning in a hell that only exists in my head. There's no hope left until one harmless glance chances logic and binds two eternal enemies together in a twist of fate. Can the escape from this hell be found in an infuriating dimpled grin? Or is this another dark, dirty trick of my own mind? A forbidden passion, heat, and intense anger—this is no fairytale.

Notes:
[Disclaimer: Monster is an originally plotted fic. The ideas within this fic are not to be copied in any way, shape, or form—I have not given my consent to any manner of copying. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the intellectual property of their respective owners. All canon concepts and characters are the property of the Twilight Saga's author, Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Similarities are for the sole use of fan fiction, and no profit has been or will be benefited from the posting of this fic.]
Emerging Swan Award 2012, nominated into Fandom Choice Awards.

26. Dark-Eyed Desires

"Is this just an illusionThat I made inside my head to get me by?" - Imagine Dragons.

Chapter Twenty Six

Dark-Eyed Desires

Months slip by like water in a current, unaffected by the rush of things around them. I'm trapped in a blaze of blistering fire that tears me to shreds, bit by fucking bit. My heart constricts, clenching and crunching against my ribs. I can't explain what the hell is wrong with me, but I feel separation taking hold on my shoulders and slowly taking me in two. Not to mention the only thing behind my lids is every inch and detail of the damned 'sucker, or whatever the hell he's supposed to be.

I'm so fucking empty, I'm nothing. As each day drags on, the space inside me seems to grow. I float, each movement weightless and excuritatingly slow, like I'm moving through time without any purpose. My mind doesn't understand the pain inside me and it rejects it, turning the pain into a numb buzz. Once the floating starts to ebb, I begin to fade.

The farther I go, the harder something inside me fights to hold on, even if only for a little longer.

Some might say I'm too damn stubborn to think straight. Some might call it stupidity. Some don't have a damn clue and have their heads too far up their ass to see anything in two feet in front of them.

Rain soaks my skin, its chill pricking my heated body. I'm fucking drenched in my human skin from head to toe. My fingers tremble with the force of the change, but they still manage to slide my shirt over my chest and down over my body. I let out a breath and crash back into a tree, slumping against the bark. I roll my jaw, my shoulders drawing higher as I toy with the thin, trembling strand of my control.

Control.

Control is an elusive trick, slipping away from my reaching grasp just far enough to cause me to hover on the edge of my sanity. I gather the pieces I have left, each of them torn and scarred from the years behind me—years too bloody and broken to be called a childhood. I hang onto my control, the pressure pale on my knuckles.

Sometimes, control shies away from me. It always happens in the same situation: alone, thinking, with him in each part of my scattered thoughts. It happens in situations just like this.

I knot my hands in my hair, the steady pounding in my head pulsing through my skull and thumping against my clenched fists. The air around me burns my throat, entering my lungs in dry, fiery waves, scorching me from the inside out. Even the forest around me sizzles and crackles against the heat of my body. I'm a flame ignited, melting the world around me.

"Go. Kill him," a voice whispers in my ear. "End this all now."

My teeth grind together. I'm fucking drunk with the heat. My brain is lulled and fuzzy, each thought stretching across my mind in slow motion, never quite forming a complete idea. The pounding in my head expands into pressure. I can feel it locking my body. It's fucking real; it's there, flowing throughout my body and capturing my mind, destroying all of my thoughts. It is sudden weight on my shoulders—a real, unbreakable tie to a creature damned to the deepest pits of hell. I want to fight the bond—I always have been a little rebellious—but the pressure. . .

Presses.

Down.

Crushing.

Suffocating.

I.

Can't.

Breathe.

I slip.

Imprint. You have imprinted on the enemy. You are a fool. You will end up dead—dead with his poison tainting your blood—blood that has made you who you are. He will be the death of you now. He will suck the life from you and you will rot away, all of your ambition wasted. Such a waste. . .

The taunting voice in my head blurs out of focus as my vision is covered in red streaks. Streaks of raw anger bubble up from the deepest pits, running out of their contained shadow and spilling into my veins. I throw myself forward in a blind attack. Images shoot through my mind as my body moves like a puppet under the control of its master.

The vampire crashes into the water. He hisses as he falls, the water parting around him. Crystal droplets spray outward, shooting into my fur, covering me.

I lash out at a tree. My fist crushes the bark as it hammers through, my free hand braced against its soft surface. I can feel my expression distort into a mask of pure fury as I tear through the tree as if it were butter, the splinters of wood raining upon me.

In just a heartbeat, my eyes trace each sculpted, defined muscle of his body. They flex and bulge. The water soaks his clothing, causing his shirt to cling to him, revealing the breathtaking figure underneath.

Bark scatters across the ground, poking out of the soft, mushy surface as the remains of the tree jut out of the ground. I spin on my heel and push myself forward, my arms pumping madly as my feet tear away at the ground below them, ripping up the grass and mud.

The vampire's dark gaze rises slowly. I burn with impatience, the darkened hue of his hungry eyes exciting me. I'm about to kill. As his black gaze meets mine, there is an instant connection. My heart flutters and I can only stare, the world disappearing into hues of gray and green and brown, all swept away in the soft breeze. The vampire's gaze probes mine. Electricity zaps me. The buzz vibrates bone-deep, shocking me. I stand there like an idiot, his gaze pinning me. My breath swirls out in front of me, clouding his flawless face.

And then he is gone.

I'm struck with reality as it hits me. I breathe in heavily as my head spins, stopping myself in the middle of the small clearing. My body leans back as my eyes skim across the mangled forest around me, my fingers still trembling from the rush of adrenaline.

"Get a grip," I order myself sharply. My hands absentmindedly slip the rest of clothes over my body, each piece tattered and crusted with dirt. I don't notice.

Or maybe I should go. A little trip won't hurt, right? If I go to the line, maybe he will be there and I can end this whole thing now. Come on—Jordan Uley, imprinting on a bloodsucker? Right.

"Damn, you okay there, J?"

Paul's bare-chested form catches my eye as he leans his back against a tree, his muscled arms folded over his chest. He seems to have come out of nowhere. His stare meets mine, searching. He has hung around me like this for a while, slowly and silently apologizing to me with his visits and conversations.

Despite him being around so much, he still wears the same calm each time—he doesn't have a clue what is really going on. He doesn't know that I'm truly far from okay.

Independence has become an acquired part of my nature. I won't break to admit what has happened. I burn in silence. My gaze meets Paul's steadily as I fold away the storm of emotions and secure the lock.

"You've been acting crazier than usual for the last few months," he continues.

His words spend a twinge of irritation through me, but I roll my shoulders, tensing up defensively. Still, I do not speak. Paul studies me more closely, his eyes narrowed. We stand in an eternity of silence before he finally speaks.

"Okay, okay. How 'bout you come back to Sam's with me? Emily's got a whole boatload of food up there for all of us. You've gotta be hungry. Hell, I'll even try to save you something."

I stare at the fuzzy swirls of color that are Paul's face. My head swims with the wolf's anger, screaming out at me, demanding my attention—demanding to be released to burn off the torturing conflictions. I grit my teeth against the wolf, nod my head, and start off after a loud, ranting Paul, my fingers curling as my mind drifts back to the dark-eyed vampire.