Here’s How You Win the Lottery

She did it in style. Patricia Dioguardi of Rochester won a cool million dollars this week on a New York Lottery scratch-off ticket. All thanks to her horoscope, which said she was going to win something big.

After her mother-in-law read that zodiac prediction to her out of the morning paper, Patricia went into work at Wegmans a little early, so she could purchase the eventual winning ticket.

As soon as she scratched it off--the New York Poker version--for the record, she went straight to her boss and filed her two-week notice. She said she had planned on retiring next year, but the win "moved up that date," according to Dioguardi, who's worked at the Wegmans in Rochester for 27 years.

The 61-year-old chose a lump sum payout and received $536,058, after taxes subtracted from her $1 million win. She became the 40th New York Lottery player this year to to win a million dollars or more.

I pick mine by taking all the birthdays of my parents and my children, dividing the numbers by the date on the calendar, converting it to Roman numerals then back again, dividing by the amount of times certain politicians want to "study" Something, multiply by the amount of money I have in change in the cup holder in my car, then I just light the money I would use to buy a ticket on fire and watch it burn as that gets me the same result.

Of course, your chances aren't good. You have a better chance of bowling a 300 game, getting murdered during a trip to the Grand Canyon, or dying from chronic constipation. So, play if you want, but also eat your fruits and veggies, just in case.