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My husband and I have been working on reconciliation for the past 7 months. DDay was Jan.31, 2013. He is very remorseful and is doing everything possible to make our marriage work. Things are great! Our relationship is better than ever!
My question is during the A he was not himself at all, he was a different man. Whenever I bring up certain events that happened at that time, he does not remember any of it. I am not talking about major events, but situations like being invited on a vacation by close friends and at the time he said no because he couldn't get away from work. He does not remember this at all. Many other situations like this concerning our family.
Is this normal and is this what is meant by "the fog"?

Me-52
WH-54
Married-30 years
DDay-1/31/2013

Posts: 39 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: midwest

lordhasaplan?♂ 30079Member # 30079

Posted: 9:42 AM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013

Has your husband always ran from conflict? It is a cop out. He is not owning his shit and hoping it will all just disappear. Not healthy for you or the marriage going forward. He needs to find a way to meet this head on.

Sounds convenient, but IMO it could be true if he was extremely wrapped up in his A.

I use the term 'fog' to mean 'out of touch with reality', so in my usage, 'fog' could fit.

My w and I remember things using different techniques. I remember who-what-where-when-how and she remembers atmosphere, sensations, and feelings. If you and your H have different ways of remembering, changing your questions may get good answers.

And, having written all that, lhap? could be right.

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 70 (22 in my head), Married 45+, together since 1965, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
I'm not an exemplar. I share my own experience because it's all I know.

Posts: 11132 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area

hurtingarmywife♀ 38690Member # 38690

Posted: 1:35 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013

What is strange lordhasaplan-he never ran from conflict in the past. I do believe after all the facts came out, he was miserable with guilt for those 5 months and there is a lot he can't remember. Not about her, but what was going on here with our family.