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Monthly Archives: September 2006

Here is the last section of “Sweat the Small Stuff” from Kevin James. Here he talks about women and their knack for wanting to pick out the right greeting card. This is all too true, at least for me. Too funny.

While showering tonight, I got some mountain fresh-scented Dial soap up my nose. If you’re asking “How the hell???” Well, I just had my face just covered in soap, and I accidentally snorted some of the lather up my nose. That in turn went down into my throat. So for the rest of my showering time, I stood there, hacking, and I know I must’ve sounded like a cat coughing up a hairball.

If this soap up the nose thing hasn’t happened to you yet, then learn from my experience. Don’t let it happen to you. My throat is still burning from that little sud. Burning, but clean.

I now feel sorry for my brothers who have had their mouths washed out with soap for swearing at my parents. Blergh!

Because you are my most favorite bloggers in the entire universe, and because I’m really happy that October is almost upon us, I thought I’d share this with you. I found it here. Have a fantastic weekend, everyone!

Top 10 Signs You Are Too Old to Be Trick or Treating

10. You get winded from knocking on the door.9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.8. You ask for high fiber candy only.7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.6. People say, “Great Keith Richards mask!” and you’re not wearing a mask.5. When the door opens you yell, “Trick or…” and can’t remember the rest.4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won’t dislodge your hairpiece.2. You’re the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives/husbands live.

October is coming soon, so if you think up a holiday you want posted on my calendar, please do not hesitate to suggest it! The weirder the better (but please not R or X rated). I already have some days figured out, but I’d like your input as well. The sooner the better, too, because I’d like to post this the day before the 1st, maybe even a few days before the 1st. Or at least by Monday. Okay, and go!

No, I’m not talking about the Sci Fi movie with Natashia Henstridge. I’m talking about a species at work. The ones that dwell within the office environment. ESB from his blog called “Random Crap” inspired me. He names different work species all the time and it’s hilarious.

Not quite sure on the title of the species, but maybe you can help me out with that once I’m done describing this lady:

She is older, is in a different department and has been with the company for quite some time now. My manager, who used to work with her in her department, has referred to her as “the queen bee” of that specific department. Nobody really complains about her, even though she doesn’t hesitate to complain about everyone else. They just roll their eyes and say, “Well, that’s…(I’m going to use an alias)…Eve!”

About four or five months ago, she moved over to our area of offices. She was still part of her department, but they moved her…..She’s on the opposite side of the building from the rest of her department which itself is a hornet’s nest of evil and deceit. I won’t go over there anymore. I get a headache when I approach the area.

Anyway, so she’s across the short hall from yours truly. For the first month or so, it was rough. It was the war of the temperatures. She doesn’t have a thermostat, and I do, and I’m a “freeze baby”. She’s always dressing in layers, so naturally she’s hot in her office. Okay. We came to some sort of truce about that, but at first she was going into my office (my domain…my zone) when I wasn’t there and turning the temperature down. Sometimes she’d tell me, other times I’d walk in and practically see my breath in a cloud like that kid did in “The Sixth Sense”. Well you can probably classify me as the dramatic person in the chart of work species now.

Now, though, I noticed that she talks to herself while in her office. Well we all do that, right? But her’s isn’t soft whispering or mutterings. It’s not exactly shouting, either, but pretty audible. I can hear her from my office and sometimes I think she’s talking to me. She’ll just blurt out what’s on her mind just in case anyone is listening to her. I don’t know.

If she’s having problems with the computer, she’ll blurt out curse words. Okay, I can understand that too..Nevermind..

Today she came in and I heard her say loudly “Ohhhh nooooooooo! Aw nohohohoho…no…”

I thought, “Do I need to know? Mmm…no.”

She had spilled gravy all over the table in her office. Not her desk, but the other table. She got someone to help her clean it up. When he left, she was rustling around again and I heard her whimper..”Oh…..no!….Damnit! Ohhhhhh naw……”…and then…”Taraaaaa???”

“Yes?” I asked from across the hall.

“Can you come over here for a second? I…” and the rest was mumbling. I could only imagine.

I went over there and she wanted me to reach under her desk for the bottle of cleaner she dropped. She couldn’t get it herself, I understood that. She’s not in the right shape to get down on the ground. So I got the bottle, and I could actually smell the gravy in the room. Actually, it was an essence of 401 cleaner and gravy. Mmm…

So what is my point to all this? I really don’t have one, but I was feeling bitchy tonight.