Atheism Grows at Clark as Belief in Tom Brady Dwindles

Clark University is one of many New England schools experiencing a sudden upshot in Atheism since the Patriot’s defeat in Super Bowl XLVI. The surge began in early February, peaked in the middle month, and has maintained steady growth since.

Support systems which usually help to mitigate disaster, like the Boston Celtics, have provided little relief. “They all suck except Rondo,” says student David Pixon, “Who cares, anyways?” Thoughts of the upcoming draft have similarly done little.

But, as the campus emerges from winter to spring, hope too begins to sprout. “I mean, we’ve got the tight end,” muses Riddles, “Maybe if we land Brandon Lloyd and get a real secondary…I mean, even God needs a defense, right?”