What to Watch on Halloween

It’s
October 31st, the sun it beginning to go down and you want to put
yourself in the mood to give the little ghosts and goblins that come to your
door a scare. You’ve got your bowl of candy at the
ready, your spider webs and Jack O’ Lanterns are in place to bring your “haunted
house” alive, so what’s next? SCARY MOVIES and plenty of ‘em!

Halloween is all about the mood you set and the best way to get the right ambiance for your frightening festivities is to get the ol’ idiot box flickering with images of the macabre. But there’s a problem, movies just ain’t spooky anymore.

I’m not saying 21st century horror movies
aren’t disturbing (Human Centipede anyone?), what I’m saying is that the scary
films of today don’t have the same mix of fright and fun that is really the
spirit of Halloween, in my opinion. What follows is a list of retro-films that
can really set the perfect tone of terrific terror for your Fright Night.

You may think that I’m kiddifying this list from the start
by throwing Disney into the mix, but hear me out, you gore-hound you. Growing
up I used to rent VHS tapes from the local public library. The tapes came in
black clamshells with a simple typed tag on them, so you never really knew what
to expect. One of my repeat rentals every October was a collection of Disney
cartoons that ended up having some pretty dark elements to them. You can click the links to watch them for yourself.

The Silly Symphony Skeleton Dance is pretty much the most
concentrated burst of Halloween you can get in 5 minutes. I mean we’re talking
about Skeletons dancing in a graveyard with screeching cats, fog and a full
moon. If you think Disney can’t give you disturbing imagery, just take a look at the screaming skull above and envision it outside your bedroom window.

Speaking of screaming, everyone’s favorite fowl-mouthed (see what I did there?) sailor
does a lot of it in Donald Duck and the Gorilla. Basically a monstrous Gorilla
escapes from the zoo and ends up in Donald’s house, but he thinks it’s Huey,
Dewie and Louie playing a prank on him in a gorilla costume, which it is…until
it isn’t. The scary costumes and actual murder attempts on display make this a
thriller to fill your night with.

As The Worm Turns is a mad scientist tale starring Mickey
Mouse. Mixing up some serum in bubbling test tubes he begins his insane
experiments on the animals in his home and the results are violent. Most of the
creepy imagery is on the front end, with the mayhem turned up towards the end,
but this one always makes me think of classic monster movies where “Man tampers
in God’s domain”…or in this case, a mouse.

Our final animated entry titled, Lonesome Ghosts features the original Ghostbusters
Mickey, Donald and Goofy being terrorized by actual ghosts in a haunted house.
These specters are mostly pranksters, but things get serious when Mickey
decides to put a bullet in one of them. Yeah, Mickey is the NRA. So once the
trick or treaters have moved on, it’s time to turn off the cartoons and get into
some classic monster fare.

I have found that most of the classic Universal horror
movies (Frankenstein, Dracula, The Wolfman, The Mummy, Etc.) are big on
atmosphere, but about as much fun as a toothbrush in your treat bag. The Bride
of Frankenstein however, is a different animal altogether. Slicker than the
original and with a sense of humor to boot, it’s the best that classic horror
has to offer.

Dr. Frankenstein is blackmailed into re-creating his
experiment for the evil, Dr. Praetorius who makes The Monster his henchman by
promising to create a re-animated bride for him to mate with, most likely resulting
in a race of zombie people. While you get plenty of kills and gloomy Eastern
European set pieces throughout the film, the real star is the femme and
fabulous, Dr. P.

Praetorius is so overtly evil, conniving and English that he
instantly becomes the man you love to hate. He even has a collection of
mini-people he keeps in jars that somehow have developed to the point of
performing Medieval Times in a fishbowl. Finally you have the great ending
where The Monster utters the truly macabre line, “We belong dead” before
throwing the switch to kill everybody. Just a great Halloween movie all around
and at only 75 minutes, it’s a great lead-in to our next creature feature.

You’ve heard of the old 50’s hit the Monster Mash, right?
Well this 80’s cult film gives you a Monster-Mash-Up! That’s right, The Monster
Squad features not 1, not 2, but 5 classic monsters teaming up to wreak havoc
on the world of the living with only a group of horror loving misfits to stand
in their way. Though often compared to The Goonies, I’ve always loved this one just
a little bit more.

The premise goes that Dracula is released from a centuries-long
slumber and assembles his team of creatures to help him destroy an amulet of
concentrated good that stands in the way of evil ruling the world. A team that
includes a Wolfman, a Mummy, a Mer-Man and Frankenstein’s Monster! Talk about
economy, Monster Squad just saved you 4 movie rentals right there. Really
though, the story is not as important as the attitude. Perhaps you’ve heard of
the famous line, “Wolf-Man’s got nards!”, that pretty much sums up the tone of
the film, except that it actually has some genuine scares and gore.

For example, that same nard-bearing Wolfman gets dynamite
shoved down his pants and explodes, only to have his scattered body parts re-assemble
to wreak havoc again. Mer-Man gets shot in the chest multiple times with a
shot-gun at point blank range by Horace aka Fat Kid and Vampire Brides get
wooden stakes to the heart all over the place. Take my word for it, if you want
some action in your Halloween, dig through the $5 DVD bin at Wal-Mart and
rescue this film.

OK, so you think I’ve been pretty tame in my choices so far?
Like I said, I want supernatural fun in my Halloween. If I want bloody mayhem I
can just I can turn on the 6 o’clock news or reach for a copy of Halloween III:
Season of the Witch aka “Whatever Happened to Michael Myers?”. Yes it’s true, I
am recommending this over John Carpenter’s classic slasher. Don’t get me wrong,
Michael Myers debut is a good film, but just a little too slow for a party. Halloween
III on the other hand, turns the Halloween energy to 11!

The whole plot revolves around an evil Halloween mask
manufacturer that plans to kill kids across the nation during a television
broadcast by using mystic sorcery to turn their heads into bugs! I’d like to
see Michael Myers try that trick! While the piano theme of Halloween is
haunting, there is a more subversive malevolence to the synthesizer-laden
carnival music accompanied by voices chanting “3 More Days ‘til Halloween,
Halloween, Halloween, 3 More Days ‘til Halloween, Silver Shamrock!” Plus, it
gets stuck in your head for days after viewing, which is horrific in and of
itself.

Now there are a lot of horror staples I left off the
schedule, like the Friday the 13th or A Nightmare on Elm Street
series, but that’s only because I’ve never seen those as atmospheric or spooky.
They’re more like Horror-Adventure where you end up rooting for the iconic
monster to kill folks in inventive ways, as opposed to creepy, supernatural storytelling.
Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining is another example of a film that’s too
psychological to enjoy on a night known for candy and carnage. I remember when someone put it
on at a Halloween party I attended in high school and it really brought the mood down.

Of course, personal taste counts for a lot, so if you just
have to include the over the top gore of Dead
Alive or the twist ending of Sleepaway Camp to your movie marathon then go
nuts, it’s none of my business, ya’ sicko! But if you just want to experience
the essence of the season, fire up these frighteningly fun films, pour yourself
some caramel apple flavored soda (oh, it exists) and enjoy a popcorn ball as
the midnight hour slowly creeps in to signal the end of Halloween night for
another year.

For Disney I would say The Legend of Sleepy Hollow is about as Halloween as it gets. In addition to the ones you have listed there is also Trick or Treat with Huey, Dewey, and Louie that is great Halloween fun. I usually skip to Night on Bald Mountain from Fantasia also. If you like the Skeleton Dance you will love Mickey in the Haunted House

Indubitably. I see scenes from things like Saw and think UGH!!! It's all about trying to make it seem as real and awful as possible. Looking back on the slasher films of the past, there was the effort to make it look real, but it was still like trying to believe that that guy in the Godzilla suit really was smashing buildings. There was no way your mind could be tricked into disgust because the it was all still fake looking.

Nowadays, it looks so real, and my mind can handle it. Not to mention, as Hoju did, that there is just no "fun" in it. No humor. Just sheer disgust and vileness. Halloween should be about fun first, frights second.