I am writing because I am a big fan of you product and was wondering something. Do you have a loyal drinkers program set up for those who go above and beyond the call of a drinker’s responsibility?

Here is my plan:

I am going to attempt to get into the Guinness Book of World Records as the only man to ever drink 19 gallons of whiskey in one sitting. This may seem like a lot until you think about it. if I start at 12:00 midnight and end 12:00 midnight the next day I would only have to drink a little under a gallon per hour. That seems easy.

I have also petitioned to have my name changed to Drinky McDrunky. I feel that this name will help to give me credibility in my cause.

Could you mail me back any information you have on others who have attempted anything like this?

Thank You,
Brad Fith

***

From: "########" <#########@##########.com>
Subject: Re: Drop Us A Line at Jack Daniel's

Hello Brad,

Thanks for dropping us a line.

We use a statement on our Web site and in other places that says: "Your friends at ######## remind you to drink responsibly." What you're proposing wouldn't exactly adhere to the reminder in our statement.

Regards,
John

Share this email :

Post a Comment

About This Site

Brad Fith started writing these letters in 2001 while working as a janitor for a comedy club in a St. Louis Suburb. Over the course of about 2 years, he'd spend a few hours a day using the club's stationary to write thousands of hard copy letters to countless celebrities, politicians, customer service departments, newsmakers and various other organizations and individuals that he found interesting or easy to anger.

He was of course fired. I wasn't there but I assume the conversation went like this, "You've cost me $10,000 in stationary and you're not even that good at cleaning toilets. Please leave before the police arrive."

Around this time his fiance left him for a his best friend, his comedy act was rejected in all 50 states and Brad discovered email. He more-or-less slowly turned into a full blown loon.

To make a long story short, enjoy this deceptively funny and subversive mayhem. These emails are REAL correspondence to REAL people. These are their genuine reactions to ridiculous questions, concerns, pointless stories and rants. All email addresses were previously published by the owner. Some names have been altered or deleted entirely.