What is Movie News After Dark? It ain’t playin’, yo. This is about movin’ news, slingin’ editorial quips and makin’ bank. Whatever ‘bank’ is…

Tonight we begin with some lovely artwork from Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio, a gothic retelling of the classic fairy tale about a puppet who just wanted to be a real boy. If any of you have watched the Disney animated version of Pinocchio recently (or in general, with adult eyes), you’ll know that there’s some seriously spine-tingling creepitude in that story. It’s got puppets from The Jim Henson Company and co-direction from Fantastic Mr. Fox animation director Mark Gustafson. Get excited about this one, kids.

IndieWire’s Matt Singer considers The Pros and Cons of Directors’ Cuts. One of his cited Cons, “More versions of a movie mean more confusion about which version is definitive” should be dubbed The Ridley Scott Conundrum.

Over the past 48 hours there have been a number of interesting discussions raised around HBO, digital distribution and piracy. None of these involve the people who partake in the latter (you’re unreasonable, you thieving scalawags). Vulture explains The Reasons Why HBO Doesn’t Want Your Money, a simple dissection of why HBO (and other cable network, for that matter) isn’t jumping to let you pay $10/mo. to see all their content outside the cable ecosystem. It’s a big money thing. A BIG money thing. And Corps. got to get they money, yo. (Also, people who want to pay a la carte for cable channels are loud, but they’re a minuscule section of entertainment consumers. This revolution is still in its infancy.)

Because going to a theater and being transported (in 3D!) to another world isn’t enough anymore, there’s The Alamo Drafthouse. They’ve got Drafthouse Films in on their next big outdoor moviewatching event. For those in the Central Texas area, you can see the black indie comedy Klown drunk in a canoe. Because that’s the way it has to be.

The folks at College Humor have taken the Game of Thrones fever to a new level, creating House Sigils for Other TV Families. The Simpsons got one, The Huxtables got one and even House Swanson is destined to take over some lands with the fire of bacon. These two are personal favorites:

“In the wake of the disastrous food storm at the end of the first movie, Flint Lockwood and friends are forced to leave their town of Swallow Falls. But when it is discovered that sentient food beasts have overrun the island, they are asked to return to save the world…again.” This is the synopsis of Cloudy 2: Revenge of the Leftovers, the most anticipated animated sequel ever! (According to yours truly.) It’s now due out February 7, 2014.

Spaceballs is coming to Blu-ray, a 25th anniversary Blu-ray release that will include at least one new featurette. If it doesn’t come in a giant helmet, I’m going to be incensed.

Large corporations are a dangerous thing. Personally, I’ve never trusted a movie website that’s owned by a big media company. Speaking of which, Movies.com presents us with A Guide to the Best Evil Corporations from Sci-Fi Movies. Weyland Yatuni for lyfe, yo. (Why do I continue to say ‘yo’ in this column? Too much time spent with Jesse Pinkman, perhaps.)

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