The strain faced by former Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams as his church was convulsed in controversy over women bishops and same-sex relationships is laid bare in the latest edition of his biography.

When the acclaimed theologian left his role as Archbishop of Wales to helm the Anglican communion he was seen by many as a liberal advocate of gay rights and a greater role for women in leadership.

Biographer Rupert Shortt describes in the new edition of Rowan’s Rule how he was tackled by a disappointed friend at the Hay Festival.

He writes: “A venerable Roman Catholic priest and scholar confronted Rowan after the ceremony for ‘letting us down’, by which he meant gay and pro-gay Catholics hoping for a lead from the Anglicans. Rowan clasped his head in his hands – a characteristic gesture – in apparent acknowledgement that his questioner (also an old friend) had a point.”

When asked if the church’s discipline on homosexuality needs to change, he tells the author: “Let me just say that I think the present situation doesn’t look very sustainable.”

However, on gay marriage he says: “I have no problem with legal parity for same-sex couples. But I’m not sure it’s an appropriate use of the state’s power to change a social institution.

“It felt as though we were being bundled into redefining a word without sufficient time to reflect.”

Describing the archbishop’s response to the failure to secure the ordination of women bishops, he writes: “Rowan fell into a pit of depression on returning to Lambeth, during which he hardly spoke to anyone but [his wife] Jane – invariably a model of calm as well as charm.”

The author also details the stress he faced as he battled to preserve a Communion in which liberals pushed for support for same-sex relationships that were considered forbidden by traditionalists.

He writes: “The associated emotional toll he suffered is not easily overstated. Eight years previously [in 2005] he had slumped against a doorway during a bishops’ meeting and said to a colleague, ‘I can’t tell you how much I hate this job.’

“At around the same time, a leading churchman found himself in a taxi with Jane Williams on their way to a speaking engagement. ‘Can I check that Rowan knows he’s the only person who can be Archbishop of Canterbury right now?’ he asked. ‘I know,’ Jane replied. But that doesn’t make it any easier.’”

The biography also portrays the Swansea-born archbishop’s growing concern about threats to the lives of Christians in the Middle East where communities have existed since New Testament times.

He writes: “Rowan raised the matter of Christians under threat in the Middle East with a member of Gordon Brown’s cabinet, and received a jaw-dropping response. ‘If missionaries will march into Muslim countries trying to convert them, then it’s not surprising that they have a hard time.’”

Lord Williams of Oystermouth is now Master of Magdalene College, Cambridge, and the book describes how he had been a candidate for the same role at Trinity College and Gonville and Caius, and registered an interest with Emmanuel. He feared that his plans for a new life in academia could be derailed by controversy surrounding gay Welsh-born theologian and churchman Jeffrey John, whose appointment as Bishop of Reading was halted in 2003.

According to the author: “He wrote to the governing bodies of both Magdalene and Emmanuel to withdraw his candidacy, citing the possibility that Jeffrey John might launch legal action against him for alleged anti-gay discrimination. Neither college, he suggested might want a master mired in courtroom controversy, whatever the arguments for the defence.

“Emmanuel seemed swayed by this argument; Magdalene judged that the Archbishop was being over-scrupulous and declared that it would not take no for an answer.”

The new edition of Rowan’s Rule will be published on July 17 by Hodder &amp; Stoughton.