Zack: No doubt, I still remember going to the library on a field trip and some kid bringing this over and showing me this picture.

Steve: I thought she was marrying it. Like, in my head, it was a wedding, but I guess not.

Zack: You never know, medieval times sucked so bad. The roads were covered with shit, the plague might get you at any moment, and there's some eyeball monster with worms coming out of it that wants to make a baby with your daughter. If the dowry is right you just look the other way and take the sack of gold.

Steve: You have a messed up, dark mind, dude.

Zack: I didn't do this to myself, society did this to me. TSR did this to me.

Steve: They may have lit the monster raping a princess fuse, but you let the bomb explode. Pinch the fuse, dude. Pinch the fuse.

Zack: Whoa.

Steve: That was some advice straight from my old public access psychology and drumming TV show, Man and His Cymbals.

About This Column

Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.