Joke of the day

Every man needs a go-to joke.

Monday

Joke
N°
5514

Getting Older
Three older ladies were discussing the challenges of getting aging. One said: "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich."
The second lady chimed in: "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."
The third one responded: "Well, I'm glad I don't have that problem -- knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, she then added, "That must be the door, I'll get it." Ryan Murphy

Tuesday

Joke
N°
5515

How Long Before I Can Get A Haircut?
A guy sticks his head into a barbershop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and replies, "About two hours." The guy closes the door and leaves.
A few days later, the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop full of customers and says, "About two hours." Once again, the guy turns and leaves the shop.
A week later, the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and answers, "About an hour and a half." The guy walks out quickly.
The barber, curious, looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes."
A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop laughing. The barber asks, "Bill, where did the guy go when he left here?"
"To your house." Ryan Murphy

Wednesday

Joke
N°
5516

Gone Fishing
Two men were sitting at a bar recounting their dreams.
"I had a dream that I was on vacation," one man said fondly. "It was just me and my fishing rod and this big beautiful lake. What a dream."
"I had an amazing dream too," said the other man. "I was in bed with two beautiful women and having the time of my life."
His companion looked over and exhorted: "You dreamed you had two women and you didn't call me?"
"Oh, I did," said the other man, "but when I called, your wife said you'd gone fishing." Ryan Murphy

Thursday

Joke
N°
5517

Yes, Deer
A man decided to take his wife deer hunting for the first time. After he explained the basics to his wife, he told her the most important piece of information: "Whenever you shoot something, make sure to claim it right away or the first person who gets to your kill can claim it as their own, so be quick if we want to have deer meat in the refrigerator!" he said.
They departed to their deer boxes and waited for some deer. Minutes later he heard his wife's gun go off. The husband decided to make sure she went to claim her kill instead of giving it away to someone. When he got to his wife she was arguing with another man who was waving his hands in the air.
"Okay!" the other man said, "Fine lady this is YOUR deer, but do you mind if I take my saddle off of it before you take it away?" Ryan Murphy

Friday

Joke
N°
5518

The Parrot
A young, newly married couple inherited a parrot from an elderly relative. This parrot was very talkative and extremely perverted. It was always informing visitors about the newlyweds' sexual escapades.
One evening, after a very embarrassing comment from the bird, the husband finally had enough and told the parrot, "That's it! You will be covered up from now on and if you take your cage cover off or embarrass us again, you will be sent to the zoo!"
Two days later, the couple was preparing for a short trip and the suitcase was too full to close. So the husband said, "I'll get on top and jump up and down and you see if you can get it."
After a bit, the wife said, "This is no good. I'll get on top and you see if you can get it."
This still did not work, and so the husband said: "Tell you what, let's both get on top and bounce up and down. That'll get it."
With this, the parrot finally pulled off the cage cover and said, "Zoo or no zoo, this I have got to see!" Ryan Murphy

Saturday

Joke
N°
5519

Nature Calls
After a night on the town, a young woman brought a new friend home for a late-night drink. "You can't make any noise," she warned him. "My parents are upstairs and if they find out they'll kill us."
Things started getting heated on the sofa but after a while alcohol got the better of the man.
"I have to go to the bathroom," he said.
"Well you can't go upstairs. The bathroom is right next to my parents' bedroom," she replied. "Just use the kitchen sink."
So he dutifully retired to the kitchen. A few minutes later, he popped his head around the door and asked, "Do you have any toilet paper, or should I just use a paper towel?" Ryan Murphy

Sunday

Joke
N°
5520

City Slicker
A young man from the city went to visit his uncle who worked on a large farm. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things: chickens, cows and endless rows of crops. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with.
Finally, the uncle had an idea. "Why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs and go shooting?" he suggested.
This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and off he went, dogs in trail.
After a few hours, the nephew returned.
"How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle.
"It was great!" exclaimed the nephew. "Got any more dogs?" Ryan Murphy