Being Overweight: Who Is To Blame?

According to a front-page article in the March 31, 2011 edition of New York Times describing research by Dr Alexandra Brewis of Arizona State University, there seems to be a global aversion to fat people. She, along with her team, interviewed people via the Internet in 10 countries and cities including American Samoa, Mexico, New Zealand and London to assess attitudes towards the obese. Even the Samoans, who are used to regarding a large body as beautiful, are changing.

The reasons for this stigmatization of obesity range from cosmetic to economic and from fashion to financial. Obese people are viewed as aesthetically distasteful. The financial costs of obesity-related illness grow higher every year, and it is easy to blame fat people, along with smokers, for the ever-increasing price of health insurance.

Unfortunately, the obese are an easy target for our ready-made willingness to believe the worst about someone else. Many studies have shown that normal-size individuals are more likely to be hired than an obese candidate with similar qualifications. Others often regard obese people as lazy with no self-discipline or concern with their health or appearance. How often have you thought, "How can she look that like that?" or "You would think he would lose weight rather than trying to squeeze into this airplane seat."

In contrast, if a thin person is seen eating a slice of pizza or a cheeseburger, no comment is made about the food choice.

Don't stigmatize and blame the obese for their weight gain. Some of the blame should be upon our society. Consider:

1. Do we really need at least half a supermarket aisle devoted to sugar-filled soda and another entire aisle stacked with cookies, chips, and candy?

2. Who is stigmatizing the fast-food restaurants for concocting ever bigger and more caloric sandwiches?

3. Does anyone point a finger at the calorie pushers on the Food Network? Why do so many recipes require vast quantities of olive oil, cheese, bacon, heavy cream, egg yolks, butter and sugar?

4. Am I the only person to notice the schizophrenic nature of women's magazines that have the diet of the month in one section and the fattening recipe of the month in another?

5. Must restaurants serve food in gargantuan sizes or use lots of butter or olive oil to add some flavor or aura of freshness to a food?

6. Let us not forget the toxic work and commuting schedules of many Americans leaving little or no time for exercise. Do they have to wait until they are in a retirement home to get to a gym?

7. Have you noticed the weight of shift workers? Probably not, since you may be asleep when they force their bodies to stay awake in order to work. Obesity as a consequence of shift work has been known for decades but no one has figured out what to do about it.

8. Anyone stressed lately? Unemployed? Going through a divorce? Living with teenagers? Alcohol and fatty, sugary foods deaden stress but at a substantial caloric cost.

9. Why is it so easily forgotten that eating helps emotional and physical pain?

10. And why is weight gain from certain medications ignored? Antidepressants, mood stabilizers and anti-psychotic drugs have turned many skinnies into fatties.

Every behavior that has health risks should be changed, if possible. We all should increase our sleep and exercise and vegetable consumption, drink less alcohol, and decrease the time we spend with our iPads, iPhones and computers. If you smoke, you should stop.

Decreasing obesity means altering our culture of eating too many calories, exercising and sleeping too little and helping people resolve problems that cause emotional overeating. These actions will be considerably more helpful than muttering something nasty about an obese person sitting next to you on a plane.

I think it's pretty clear by now that we've got an obesity epidemic on our hands and no one is sure why we're getting so fat. Continuing to push the "calories in, calories" out paradigm of weight gain/loss is obviously flawed, and yet, here you are telling people to eat less calories, even after you noted that there are a number of things than can contribute to weight gain such as certain medications. How do you explain people that lose weight on high calorie diets such as Atkins or other low-carb diets? Obesity is a medical problem. Why do so many people out there with zero medical knowledge feel perfectly justified in making judgments about what causes obesity? I am personally a very lean person, but it enrages me that obese people are treated with such contempt in our modern society. I guess it gives people a sense of superiority to lord it over those "fat slobs." And you won't fix that attitude until you stop treating obese people as if they have a will power problem and start regarding them as you would cancer patients or other ill people.

I have a feeling that you must have read some one else's blog because the point of my article was empathy and understanding of the many reasons people overeat. I have spent most of my professional life doing research on overeating and have written 5 books and published many research articles on my findings. In addition, I developed and ran a weight loss center at a Harvard psychiatric hospital and was the first person, as far as I know, to develop a weight loss program for people who gained weight on their psychotropic medications ( we published the results of this as well; it worked). Many people eat to comfort themselves or alter their mood because as we discovered at MIT, certain foods have a direct effect on the synthesis of an important neurotransmitter, serotonin, which regulates emotional behavior. This is entirely appropriate and correct behavior. If it didn't work, we would not be doing it. The only difficult part of eating to feel better is that often the wrong foods or the wrong amount of foods are chosen. In my book, The Serotonin Power Diet, the research behind this concept is presented and foods that increase serotonin are recommnended along with the 'dose' and timing of eating such foods. Until we as a society recognize that overeating is due quite often to changes in the brain that increase appetite or medications like antidepressants that affect appetite, we will never have the empathy toward those struggling with their weight that they deserve.

"... if a thin person is seen eating a slice of pizza or a cheeseburger, no comment is made about the food choice."
Well, I'd hardly think that's the first time they've eaten those foods. The lack of commentary for thin people might be due to the fact that they're obviously not eating themselves into oblivion. Maybe they're exercising, maybe they only have pizza once a week, maybe they just have a high metabolism... whatever the reason, their diet seems to work for them.

"1. Do we really need at least half a supermarket aisle devoted to sugar-filled soda and another entire aisle stacked with cookies, chips, and candy?"
No, we don't. But do we really need to NOT? I mean, seriously. Most people just go there, buy their snacks, and walk away. It's a nice thing to have... once in a while. And that aisle-and-a-half is relative to--usually--about 15 aisles. That's 10%. But also, consider the fact that junk food packages are often, even proportionally to the calorie amounts, large. If chips were packed the way taco shells are, we'd have about a quarter of an aisle of chips.

"2. Who is stigmatizing the fast-food restaurants for concocting ever bigger and more caloric sandwiches?"
I am. Many people are. If you're not, you're one of the few.

"3. Does anyone point a finger at the calorie pushers on the Food Network? Why do so many recipes require vast quantities of olive oil, cheese, bacon, heavy cream, egg yolks, butter and sugar?"
Actually, yeah, a lot of people DO point fingers at the Food Network. But their target audience already turns to food for comfort. High-calorie, delicious-looking foods are big sellers.

"4. Am I the only person to notice the schizophrenic nature of women's magazines that have the diet of the month in one section and the fattening recipe of the month in another?"
Why no, you are not. It's just that many people choose to ignore the discrepancy, and focus on one end or the other. And therein lies the problem.

"5. Must restaurants serve food in gargantuan sizes or use lots of butter or olive oil to add some flavor or aura of freshness to a food?"
Small portions aren't guaranteed to be a satisfying meal. As a restaurant, selling too much is better than too little--people come back more if the portions are big. And the butter and olive oil make the food delicious and moist... who's going to come back for dry, tasteless food that comes in small portions? And it's not like anybody's holding anybody else at gunpoint and telling them to eat at the Olive Garden every day.

"6. Let us not forget the toxic work and commuting schedules of many Americans leaving little or no time for exercise. Do they have to wait until they are in a retirement home to get to a gym?"
True, that does contribute to weight gain.

"7. Have you noticed the weight of shift workers? Probably not, since you may be asleep when they force their bodies to stay awake in order to work. Obesity as a consequence of shift work has been known for decades but no one has figured out what to do about it."
Also true.

"8. Anyone stressed lately? Unemployed? Going through a divorce? Living with teenagers? Alcohol and fatty, sugary foods deaden stress but at a substantial caloric cost."
They don't even deaden it, they mask it. If they deadened it, there wouldn't be a problem.

"9. Why is it so easily forgotten that eating helps emotional and physical pain?"
Because a lot of people don't eat enough to become that psychologically dependent or to notice things like that very often. And besides, weed, alcohol--not the calories in the stuff, but the stuff itself--sex, walking, and having fun in general do the very same thing.

"10. And why is weight gain from certain medications ignored? Antidepressants, mood stabilizers and anti-psychotic drugs have turned many skinnies into fatties."
Are you seriously posting this on Psychology Today...? I mean, really. Maybe it's because people could have even worse effects from NOT taking those medications. I'd rather be fat than dead.

"Every behavior that has health risks should be changed, if possible. We all should increase our sleep and exercise and vegetable consumption, drink less alcohol, and decrease the time we spend with our iPads, iPhones and computers. If you smoke, you should stop.

Decreasing obesity means altering our culture of eating too many calories, exercising and sleeping too little and helping people resolve problems that cause emotional overeating. These actions will be considerably more helpful than muttering something nasty about an obese person sitting next to you on a plane."
True, our lifestyles are very sedentary, and the only thing we do about it is talk. But it's not like society is ever going to stop giving people the opportunities to lie around and drink and eat and smoke. It's more up to the individuals to choose the right balance for their own minds and bodies, and that's why fat people are disliked. It's because their fatness implies a mental inability to stop, an inability to regulate, an inability to see the larger--no pun intended--impact of their actions on their health. Not that any of those implications are necessarily true, but they're still subconsciously there.

Dear Mr Keegan, My intent in writing my blog was to make 'lean'people stop blaming obese people for gaining weight as if they deliberately overeat to make themselves obese. We are all to blame for allowing the food network and the supermarkets and the supersized meals to tempt most of us into overeating. Not everyone is as disciplined as you or resort to alcohol, weed or other activities as comfort. It might be worthwhile pointing out that no one as far as I know has ever been cited for driving recklessly after eating a cookie; the same cannot be said of your suggested ways of comforting one's self.
You also are unaware of the many articles I have written pleading with health care providers to help people who are gaining or have gained weight on antidepressants and related medications to lose weight while they are on their meds. Indeed I co-authored the Serotonin Power Diet to give people with this problem a program to follow that will promote weight gain while they are on these medications .( The plan has been researched and published in Psychopharmacology bulletin several years ago).

All of the above, plus the new, well-established lifestyles that have little or no time to thoughtfully create a meal that is leisurely eaten with family. Fast foods and junk foods - well-packaged, of course - dominate our eating habits.

No question of how and why so many have become so well-rounded..........

Dear Banjo Steve. How do we get families to sit down and eat together? I absolutely agree with you . Kids and their parents have such overscheduled lives that family dinners are a luxury. Maybe the only times they happen is when there are snow days and everyone has to stay home.

I am overweight and it frustrates ME... and then to have someone judge on top of that is even worse.

I started gaining weight little by little after high school and also getting sicker and sicker after each meal I ate. I saw every specialist possible and none had any help for me. I exercised constantly ( I mean, I was doing 1.5hrs/day plus going to weight watchers and eating 1200-1400 calories ). Finally after about 7 years I kept a food journal and found that I had a food sensitivity to yeast ( miso soup, grape nuts cereal, dressings, bread, wine ). I cut yeast out and dropped 30 pounds over the course of a year with no other changes ( just started making yeast-free bread, etc.). I stayed skinny for 7 years. And then, I had a baby. Skinny through my whole pregnancy but after I delivered it was like something switched again... sick after meals, low energy, gaining weight.

I eat healthy ( all organic, unprocessed, balanced, juiced greens every morning, etc. ) and exercise every day and have seen nutritionists, trainers, etc. and nobody can figure this out. ( I should note I have a pituitary tumor, my hormones are still out of whack, and I occasionally test with elevated cortisol ). I did food sensitivity testing but it showed 30 foods and it is really impossible to avoid them all ( I cut out dairy and eggs and yeast, but how do you avoid garlic, lettuce, tomato, lemon, turmeric, etc.?) I have a highly overeactive immune system and suspect it is something that is pushing up my cortisol ( a stress reaction ) and causing this gain -- just like the yeast did.

So, I am not morbidly obese ( 20 lbs overweight ) but it is terrible! The only saving grace is that inside I am healthy ( great cholesterol, BP, sugar levels, triglycerides, etc.) I'd really like an answer. All my PCP suggested was to prescribe an anti-depressant that has weight-loss as a side effect. I want an answer... not a pill.

So, seriously... don't judge. Not everyone is overeating and lethargic!

I am so sorry that no one has been able to help your weight problem and it sounds as if you are doing everything right. In fact you sound super healthy . Have you ever had a body composition measurement with a whole body scanner? Do you know what is contributing to your weight gain on the scale? Might it be water retention or increased muscle rather than fat? You are right about not been able to keep cutting foods out of your diet. Perhaps a better approach would be to make sure that the foods you are eating are selected because they nourish your optimally. I hope someone reading your comment will have some useful medical suggestions.

Thanks. The body composition machine at Beth Israel was broken the past few months so I finally got an appt at Boston Medical with an obesity specialist who hopefully can do this. You are right that I am currently just trying to stay positive and eat healthy and make sure I am getting lots of nutrients-- like I said, I juice greens every morning... my daughter now even asks for "kale juice" or "spinach juice". I stick mainly to proteins, greens, fruits, seeds and nuts -- during good months my produce comes from an organic food CSA. My vitamin levels were tested and my B was over the top and my other levels ( D, etc. ) were fine. I was always extremely muscled to begin with, so I do have quite a bit of muscle mass but I definitely have a layer of very "jiggly" fat on top of it now... even in my arms and belly and never in my life had that issue previously.

You sound super healthy and your diet is a good model for anyone who wants to consume a nutritionally dense diet. And from what you write you are apparently eating the correct amount of calories.Please let us know what the specialist says about your metabolism and your allergies and how they may contribute to your inability to lose your 'jiggly fat' Has anyone else in your family experienced the same problems?

I agree with your point that obese people shouldn't be looked down upon, but I disagree with you when you place blame on others. I was once overweight, and it was because I was eating too much for my activity level and body size. The same is true for most overweight and obese people. Yes, there are some who have legitimate health problems that cause them to become overweight, but that just isn't true for the majority. The way other people and businesses are blamed for a person's weight in the article is contradictory to what you say is the main point (respecting everyone regardless of weight). To say that others need to change to make obese people lose weight implies that the obese don't have the willpower to lose weight without some sort of forceful intervention. I think everyone is able to devote their mind and body to change, regardless of their weight. Your tone seems to differ.

I know that no-one is tying a customer at MacDonald's down in a chair and forcefeeding him a gigantic hamburger. But my point is that the reasons for weight gain are complex ranging from for example the effect of winter darkness on the ability to control appetite to shift work which causes weight gain. So when biological or situational triggers to overeating occur and the opportunity to eat or cook fattening foods is available then overeating can result. If we ( and I hope this never happens) lived in a country where food was scarce then even if people felt compelled by their biology to overeat, they couldn't. If I am upset because a close friend has serious medical problems or a relative is going through a financial problem and I feel that I have to eat to calm down, I can choose fat free rice crackers or french fries. I would choose the rice crackers but it takes a lot of will power, especially when one is feeling emotionally vulnerable not to choose the french fries. If no fries were available or if they cost $50.00 for small bag and rice cakes cost 50 cents, then the choice would be easy.
I don't want to simply the problem . And as I said no one is force feeding other people to make them fat. But sometimes it is very very hard to resist eating foods which are too caloric . Tell a woman with PMS that she should have the will power to stop eating chocolate....and duck.

This blog post makes no sense. In each of the points the author raises (save for maybe 2; the medication and the shift workers) are easily dealt with by simply not being uneducated and/or lazy.

If you don't want to be obese, you have to take personal responsibility and get to that point where you aren't obese. Find the time to exercise; no excuses. I work 8-12 hours a day and I don't miss a workout. You can't say OH IT'S TOO HARD, then proceed to watch 3 hours of TV while eating a disgusting frozen dinner. If you want to be healthy, you have to work at it. Don't buy the sugary crap at the grocery store. No one is forcing you. I buy a box of cookies every couple of months as a treat, not as a staple. With all the information that's out there nowadays, there is simply no excuse to having a crap diet other than sheer laziness. You can afford healthy foods on a budget if you know where to shop and what brands to buy.

I'm sorry, but the vast majority of people are fat/obese because they can't be arsed to do the work themselves. It's simply easier to get a frozen dinner, pop it in and glue themselves in front of the TV. Most of the other factors you mention play such a minor part that obsessing over them is inconsequential. If someone has their diet down solid and gets quality exercise, then you can start to address some of these other things. Diet and exercise are 80-90% of the project. Everything else mentioned is simply flitting about on the edges.

And they also state that you must take some degree of responsibility for your weight issues, an idea that most of the overweight in our "it's everyone/thing's fault but MINE!" victim culture find to be quite repulsive.

I agree with some here: unless you are one of those who truly suffer from the relatively rare medical anomalies that cause involuntary massive weight gain, then either do something about your body or stop expecting others to unquestioningly accept your 'victimization' whingeing over it.

I am well aware the society we live in is responsible for what happens to these people, but this doesn't mean the ones gaining wait overnight are not responsible as well. Nothing stops them from exercising, riding the bike for half an hour every day or make a lifestyle change. In the end no one is dictating the kind of food these people eat, if the fast-foods serve bad food they should stop going there and start exercising. Unless you decide to make a change, you can't expect to lose weight. This is what I did and now I am proud to have a very nice body. It took me a lot of time and effort indeed, but these days I enjoy exercising so much that I intend to grow my muscles even more by getting some great steroids, I finally feel like living.

Karl, congratulations on yoouur new weight, shape and improved health. Steroids are a very bad idea, however. They can only damage you .
Not everyone has the time, peace of mind, money or even pain free body to exercise. People know what they should eat, you are right but often it takes a lot of support from others to make it easier to do so. And since food comforts and taking away comforting food leaves people in great emotional pain, it is very difficult for people to go on strict diets that may make thinner but more stressed. Moreover people on antidepressants and related drugs gain weight because of what the drugs do to their control over eating. Don't you think that if all it took was a little will power and an exercycle, everyone would be thin? Alas to lose weight, the person has to know what were the causes of the weight gain and remove them if possible, find a diet such as ours, that allows the consumption of comfort foods, and find the time to exercise.

this is clearly an exceedingly incendiary topic and one which i have considered at great length...so i do not wish that my remarks be seen as off the cuff or "lacking in compassion".

obesity rates in the US have been increasing drastically over the last 2 decades. it is not a statistical anomaly and i am fairly certain that there has not been a drastic increase in hormonal or metabolic disorders. and yet, according to the cdc one-third of U.S. adults (33.8%) are obese! there are of course always factors that are beyond control; most anti-psychotic meds do indeed cause significant weight gain. one has to wonder though, what percentage out of those millions is struggling with mental health issues that severe.

the vast majority of the overweight and obese populace (with certain exclusions) simply makes incorrect diet/lifestyle choices. from a physiological standpoint it really is a matter of caloric intake vs energy expended; naturally, there is also the psychological component in which food is likened to a drug. the biggest issue i have with people perpetuating the idea that food is utilized for therapeutic purposes is simply that there exist such a vast range of alternate activities, medications, therapies etc. that have the same effect. those who choose eating as a way to pacify themselves as opposed to perhaps taking a brisk walk, truly are weak of will.

there are advertisements that i see on a daily basis, fast food joints that i pass on my way to work, grocery stores chock full of sugary delights, just begging to be eaten...so what's stopping me from simply gorging on all of it? *shrug* i love my body and choose not to defile it, though just like so many, i suffer from stress, depression...life.

just as a side note: what truly enrages me is seeing overweight/obese parents raising their child to be equally unhealthy...and then they wonder why their children are bullied.

Even professionals who do research or therapeutic interventions with the obese don't understand the complexity of weight gain and failure to maintain weight loss after a diet has ended. Saying that overeating is an example of 'weak will' is not helpful as you are simply describing a behavior without understanding why it is occurring. For example, we only learned about 25 years ago that people overeat during the dark days of winter because lack of sunlight affects their mood and certain neurotransmitters. We only learned about 15 years ago or more recently about the connection between psychotropic medication and weight gain. Shift work and its connection to weight gain is also a recent observation.
And it took us many years to work out through tedious and time consuming research the connection between eating carbohydrates and the restoration of mood ; i.e. the fact that carbohydrates are eaten as a form of self medication. No one wants to be obese just as no one wants to be an alcoholic or compulsive gambler or stutterer. These are probably all based in some changes in the brain that we don't understand and our job is not to criticize or condemn but understand and help.

I'm a recovering fat guy. And I know a lot of fat people within my family and circle of friends. No one should be writing articles, nor even bother doing research on being fat unless they themselves have been at least 75 lbs overweight, for years at a time, and finally lost it and staying in remission for at least three years.

There are indeed useful slivers of truth in some of what is written by "experts" but the rest is 95% junk psycho-babble, and most likely put out there to justify their next paycheck or grant.

And what gripes me the most are the tiresome lists of what a fat person "should" do.

I mentioned I'm in recovery. And finally at 60, I am reducing to a healthy weight. But absolutely no thanks to anything ever written by any "expert", or by any diet. In fact, its in spite of. If I sound resentful, please know I am not a resentful person, per se, but I do admit a resentment towards the additional psycho-damage experts have inflicted upon those who already suffer enough.

Dear Rich, Thank you for your comments. You are right; no one can go inside the head of people struggling with any problem, be it obesity or back pain unless they have some personal insight. However sometimes information can come from research; I spent 30 years at MIT doing research on how the brain causes people to stop eating or overeat. Moreover it is important for people giving advice to know that drugs such as antidepressants can cause thin people to become fat; you don't have to be fat or on these drugs to share this information. But you can do a great service for us if you share what turned you into someone with a healthy weight and how you plan on maintaining it. I look forward to reading your own insight.

The short answer will not be satisfactory to either science or those who suffer. And it is this:

I stopped living in denial and accepted responsibility for my own choices. I overwrote the mind "software" that had developed as a result of genetics, brain chemistry and environment with a healthier program. I activated the part of my brain that derives pleasure & reward from the intangible/conceptual to the point where it left the food reward part atrophied down to "normal" (whatever that is) from diminished use.

There's another name for food (or any) addiction. It's called "You don't understand - I'm different". There is no ego so strong in the universe as one wrapped up in an addiction over which the purpose of their every thought, word and deed is to justify the next fix. I was there.

Moving on: There are numerous ways to lose weight, any of which can work. But unless you've reprogrammed yourself into a thin/normal person in your mind, nothing else will work and leave you satisfied. To be clear: Having lost weight and even maintaining it does not constitute recovery. The objective is not met until a person has substituted and found MORE fulfillment in other things than food. Otherwise, they're just a dry drunk: Chemically sober but still craving miserably. No science can be prescribed to bring you the fulfillment part.

I anticipate the next questions would be "Well, how'd you do all THAT?"...and "What do you mean by software?"

The answers to those are worthy of a thick book AND experiencing what it has to say, and not a quick answer. Regardless, the "how" part is quietly practiced by millions, and cannot be captured by traditional science, with brain scans, microscopes, or mining data bases. THESE are the people that should be studied and understood for the benefit of bringing relief to those who still chose to practice their food addiction. Trouble is, its easy to find obese people to study, but hard to round up a bunch of recovering obes-ites living in peaceful obscurity.

Even if you could, and manage to tease out the "answer" you cannot "cure" anyone, but only point the way and let them decide & chose. But the prerequisite for even pointing is to have been there. You can lead someone to the furnace, but you can't go in with them. And unless they know you've gone in and come back out better for it, they certainly will not enter. With rare exception every "recovering" fat person needs a guide, coach, mentor...whatever, who themselves can identify with the common fears and self-loathing each fat person lives with. I also might add that mood altering drugs intended to help or alleviate, however well-meaning, only compound the cruelty factor.

Almost trivial to me now, but maintaining a healthy weight comes naturally if you now look upon certain types of foods and, more importantly, quantities, as repulsive, or at least not attractive.

Its hard to say this without seeming disrespectful of a 30 yr MIT researcher, and it truly pains me to write this, but the truth is most people in "fat" recovery roll their eyes at scientific expertise. I myself view it with intellectual interest and curiosity. But I also view those who study the brain in search of consciousness in the same manner: So much intellect and talent...so little wisdom. Again, I apologize for crass verbiage. But I do give a thumbs up for WANTING to know.

Anyway, concluding advice would be to focus on helping people to CHOOSE to reprogram their false identities with the real ones they were meant to have, but were either taken from them or bulldozed over. THIS needs to be the objective, from which weight will then be shed as a natural result. The weight is just a symptom.

I know a lot of heavy people who blame boyfriends, having a kid, etc etc and every big person I know eats the worst food, goes to a lot of restaurants and eats chicken wings, pizzas, cake, soda, fries, etc. (they complain about healthy food prices but eat at restaurants 5 days a week) I agree about the genes, some people may gain weight more easily, but whatever cards you have been dealt come up with a plan for success regardless. Some people's genes give them all kind of higher risks, Angelina Jolie just went thru a double mastectomy because of her genes, if how you look is important enough, do what you have to do. Foods Addiction like alcoholics, and drug addicts come up with reasons they 'can't' and who to blame, at the end of the day any addiction is filling a void, but it can get better. There is nothing more motivating than losing weight, people notice, everything gets better from getting up the stairs to having sex. One thing I know for sure...my big lady friends, the weight affects their entire life, they pretend they are happy, and say I want society to accept me for who I am, but that is like a heroin addict saying hey I am happy high just accept me, its ridiculous. Every obese person I know would have a better bf/gf/job/lifestyle/clothes/skin/smell etc. There are many reasons people smoke, do drugs, get drunk or eat terrible addictive foods, it is up to the person to decide if they think they are worth more, that simple. Try eating lean meats, no restaurants or fast foods, no soda, lots of veg/nuts/fruits for 3 months and the weight will melt off, you barely have to exercise, it is 90% food choices, yes going to the gym keeps you tones and feels great, but it is all about what you put in your mouth!!

and yes I was 5'11 and 240 lbs and I am now 165 for 5 years. My bf at the time liked big girls and would bring me home DQ all the time (ice cream was my downfall) I knew it was wrong but when you have the munchies...anyway, I got rid of the guy, realized I wanted better for myself, put up some old pix of when I was a super hottie in high school and university and buckled down, I never treated myself because then I would crave the food and it made it worse, and someone reminded me, I had treated myself to a weight gain of almost 100lbs, enough with the treating, so I started treating myself to looking and feeling great and now I pass DQ with disgust at all the sweet mucus I consumed. Anyway good luck to all, it happens much quicker than you think, think about how fast 3 months goes by you could be 45 lbs lighter, it will change everything, how you socialize, I notice bigger people fall asleep during movies, after dinner, it will change even how you sleep no more pain in the hips bones, or sleep apnea, or snoring, my snoring went away completely! and like Kate Moss said "nothing tastes as good, as being fit feels' :P

Dear Melanie, I hope your story inspires others to accomplish what you have done; i.e. lose weight and just as important, keep it off. I don't think we understand yet how people like yourself can be so successful and others, who may have lost the same amount of weight and feel terrific, can then gain it all back . Perhaps with more knowledge of how we can 'reprogram' our behavior, we will be able to help people who, unlike you, lose weight but cannot keep it off. I have known people who changed their lives for the better ( supposedly) by losing large amounts of weight and 2 years later, gained it all back. These are the people we must help.