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Cameron promises no early ideas after next election

A Conservative government would not have ‘any new ideas at all’ during its first year, party leader David Cameron has insisted.

He was seeking to reassure voters after Labour claims that a Tory victory at the election could allow Mr Cameron to actually govern the country. ‘It’s a horrifying prospect,’ said Labour’s election co-ordinator Douglas Alexander. ‘This government, ably led by Gordon Brown, has an excellent record of ballsing most things up and not achieving much else. The Tories would ruin that by trying to do things properly.’

But Mr Cameron refuted the claims. ‘I know that we’ve only got Ken Clarke left over from the Major years, but the British people can really trust today’s Tories to get just as little, or even less, done than Labour has. Honest.’