Yesterday I opened Command And Conquer: Tiberium Alliances to find that Aaadam player had destroyed my third base again. I gave him a peace truce the first time, but he did it again, so now that meant war. This morning, I destroyed his main base. And now I feel very satisfied.

- SV Stop 204: We Lived In A Garden's Heart re-viewed, combined with SV Stop 157: Children and 149: Transcendental Introspection Musically Explained
- Statto used the smiley
- Twitter is too packed with meme
- I don't want to be feeling down; everyone had a good cry yesterday evening
- I want to be optimistic about a considered Wire magazine reviewer commission and be the best I can be

- Opened The Wire #367. Dean Blunt on the cover, Blunt being a member of this forum who said “You should write for The Wire” in 2009. Maybe it's an omen.
- Listened to Paul Mckenna's Mind Programming CD 3 times for healing.
- Read Wire reviews again, they're good enough.
- Transcribed Foci's Left interview from Futurepast Zine Issue 6.
- Got a call from estate agents telling me the landlord has changed his mind, with no reason.

Foci's Left Interview – Futurepast Zine Issue 6 – September 2013

Mick (Foci's Left) has recently released an album called 'Grumpy Love', he also runs a very interesting blog (http://www.subvertcentral.blogspot.co.uk) and was one of the backers for this issue of Futurepast Zine. I'd interviewed Mick a couple of years ago and this was a good opportunity to find out what was happening right now...

1. You recently released your debut album 'Grumpy Love'. What's the album about, why give it that title?

“Grumpy Love” is about a few things really. First and foremost it's a dedication album to my sister Jo, in the form of dialectically epic-with-longevity music that I tried to conjure to me most affecting over the longest period of time. The second transitive is a soundtrack to my life so far. Now aged 25, I have been many things in life: a cheerful infant; a reclusive teenager; a full contact kickboxer; a freelance published writer in over 10 zines; a music producer. With “Grumpy Love” I wanted to encapsulate all the passionate moments as an epicentric part and counterpoint to aurally channelled “grumpy music”. When we are grumpy, we're usually brooding over something, some hardship which makes us feel a certain negative way, or cuts us off from bearing our soul. I have constantly had this theme of not bearing my soul too much over the course of my life, so the music on “Grumpy Love” takes on a certain, sullen tone. Whether that helps the end product is open to interpretation, but as you said yourself, “it's pretty amazing”, and I take that as a huge compliment.

2. Why dedicate the album to your sister?

My sister Jo is a driving reason why I've made a lot of moves in my life, from how long I went training, to how long I stayed living with her until middle 2011. “Silence Is Golden”, a 345 sample, 3 hour collage – and still the best piece of 'music' I've ever heard – lead to a loss of stability. I realised after that I needed to move on to my own accommodation, and a trip through mental hospital a year later lead to buying a keyboard to produce to help produce the album. I still don't consciously know why I wanted to do an LP, besides having “Regurgitated Impulses (Original)” produced since the age of 17, when Jo was experiencing a tough time. But I know I had her in mind when channelling my emotions, as she means a lot to me, yet we are still quite distant from each other at times. I guess as I'd done a few EPs, (the first on Audio Gourmet, the second self-released, the third on Omni Music) I wanted to express to a greater extent what I'm about, what sort of music I want to hear that I don't hear anyone else making quite the same way.

3. Why did you release it as digital only?

The choice to release it digitally came about as a half-inconsequential decision. I hadn't really taken into account what sorts of funds I'd need to press CDs and get digipaks designed – so it's digital only for now. Heck, if I had a hundreth of the 33,000 "For The Ambient Lovers...review and mixtape archive 001” (my Subvert Central thread concerning Ambient reviews) audience exposed to and enjoying the album so they would support it I'd be able to sort out CD pressing. Alas it's not quite that simple – I'm still a very obscure artist with only 5 releases contributed to. In the Ambient and electroacoustic scene there is a surprisingly broad selection of records to choose from...naturally the more exposed the artist the greater their revenue share. I've never been about making money from music, but if I could sell enough to support funding of future projects I'd be happy.

4. When I listened to your album it felt I would have to burn it to CD to listen in my car, you could always do it that way yourself...anyway, how does the artwork link in with the album?

Yes I could always burn a few mastered Wav CDs to send to people, make it proper DIY and all that. The artwork and how it fits in...Niomi is Jo's current girlfriend and leopards have been with my parents as a means of comfort for decades – they have a cuddly leopard toy. So it seemed ideal to include the image, and plus I think it's ace, so it all worked out nicely.

5. Have you got any more music coming out soon?

I'm currently putting the finishing touches to my fourth solo EP, “Dumping The Rock”. It will be comprised of 5 tracks – the fifth a bonus for whoever purchases it on Bandcamp. Like “Grumpy Love” the EP will showcase a range of styles with a unifying theme – in this case music that disperses any of the aggression of past releases. I'll be selling it at the same price as the album – an inexpensive Â£5. I feel it's my most mature music to date but still retains a youthful edge.

6. What do you use to make your music?

I use various sources to make my music. The primary two sequencers I use are Mulab, a freeware tracker with kits of great VSTs built in. The second and essentially intermediary one I go to is Ableton Live 8 Suite. “Overdriven Terrain”, the synthesiser track you said was breathtaking was created solely there, with The Dream Machine and STS-21 freeware VSTs. But mainly I use hardware these days. My trusty Casio CTK-4200 AD 61 key keyboard produces over 600 tones on its own before I go in and edit. I then capture these sounds with an Olympus VN-713 voice recorder and resample them back into software.

7. Also, I noticed your post about a 'Police State' on Subvert Central some time ago, I was wondering if any of that works its way into your music?

As to the Police State situation, it depresses me for sure, however as my Mum says, if you're not doing anything wrong, wholesale, then you shouldn't have to worry about anything. The article in question was extremely leftist, discussing and condoning the organisation of police forces as to creating positive measures against criminals. But I like your analogy there that the police are little more than organised gangsters. I'm actually still surprised that the rules are being enforced, as it means the police might have to get off their arses and do some work.

8. I asked you to put together a short mix. You called it 'Positive Congruence' – what does that mean and can you tell me a bit more about the mix?

'Positive Congruence' arose from reading Carl Rogers' 'On Becoming A Person' psychotherapy doctrine when the British Olympic Games Opening Ceremony was on in 2012. The chapter concerning the phrase 'positive congruence' piqued me, in how to understand and open myself up to new experiences with individuals. It means transparency and honesty without being overbearing. Sounds that followed suit in their nature of being rousing only were added. There are up to ten tracks layered at once in 'Positive Congruence'. Therefore providing a track list would be impossible. I can give you some tunes and artists that were played. “Birthday Suit” by Chubby Wolf opens it; Hallock Hill's “A Burning Question (A Question Of Burning)” from “There He Unforeseen” not long after. Machinefabriek & Gareth Davis' “Oh, Doctor Jesus” post 15 minutes (the saxophone piece); Donato Wharton's “Ink Mountains” at 14:30. Barn Owl's epic “Devotion II” at closing. This amount of tracks layered at one time by me, has only been exceeded (16) in the timelesss “Silence Is Golden” 3 hour collage that I published on http://www.subvertcentral.blogspot.co.uk this year. I'm very happy with this mix, the climax at the end by Jon Porras & Evan Caminiti giving anchorage into more powerful affectations, once the listening process is over. Since it's all about congruence with a certain type of thinking – powerful affectations that nurture knowingness and trust – that the person is being understood for what he or she is.

- Sad to hear Robin Williams had committed suicide. As someone else said on Twitter today, “Depression is not and never has been a measure of how loved you are, how funny you are, how successful you are or how talented you are.” It just 'is', a clouded separateness, and the only relation to your situation is what you are born into the world like personally. At my most loved I've also felt most suicidal, which is strange I'm sure others can agree. I enjoyed his appearances in Flubber and Mrs. Doubtfire. Maybe I'll see Good Will Hunting for more serious stuff.

- Listened to Aural Candy's third LP “Occasional Moments Of Clarity” again. It's one of the best albums I've heard this year, which is surprising for the “plinky plonk nonsense” tag.

- Listened to Bat For Lashes' “Two Suns”. I have to remember even if I had a past life involving Natasha Khan as I believe I have as Carl Rogers, I can't let that rule this life. Her boyfriend is Jon Hopkins, she barely knows me, and the rest is delusions of the occult.

- Talking of depression, but in much less potent circumstances, I spent a lot of time in bed this morning and afternoon, unhappiness due to not getting the flat as I was told I had 5 days ago from the phone call back. You'd think he (the landlord) would have made the decision the day after meeting me, instead of making me wait and telling me I'd already got the flat. Oh well, I'll just cut my losses and move on, and wait for another low value property to rent.

- Travelled to Oxford, and the shared housing bathroom light now works! :surprised:
- Bought 2 bottles Hobgoblin and 2 packs of rice for Â£5.43, got a discount for no given reason! :surprised:
- Listened to Mary Anne Hobbs at midnight-1am on 6Music. Some gems in there. :notsurprised:

Earlier in the day:

- Wished Iggy Plop a good couple of days ahead
- Recorded a right-channel (mono) analogue synthesiser 3 track live session on the Novation Bass Station II into the Asus laptop. Need to convert it to 2-channel stereo in Ableton to upload as a Subvert Central exclusive test live session.
- Had remainder Thai Green Chicken Curry with Egg Noodles for dinner
- Listened to Earthtones Vol.I from Tessellate Recordings again.
- Updated Asus laptop Windows to 8.1
- RT a bunch of interesting stuff including the usual circular-time meaning love quotes.
- Planning to check Dexta & Mauoq EP on Digital Tunes again and may consider buying.
- Emailed Alexander at Organic with promo ideas for releases and any news.

Today's horoscope

Surges of energy alternate with periods of exhaustion today. Smooth out your energy by building in regular breaks to take walks or naps.

Does that help you? I've been thinking about 'journaling' my activities for a while now. Do you find you are living your life trying to accomplish things on your checklist, though? That's been my life for the last 6 years: staring down a huge daily checklist for work. I need to do more goalsetting versus pedantry.

I like to read the posts in this thread, yet I couldn't do such a journal myself. Never had a diary, nor a blog or whatever. But, I organised parts of my existance according to dates, namely records and movies. I have an odd fixation on release dates of these things.

It gives me a sense of satisfaction I wouldn't get anywhere else. Ultimately meaning I like to tally my achievements - these being things I have done each day as opposed to nothing, which is always good.

Quote:I've been thinking about 'journaling' my activities for a while now.

I would say from the outset as a warning: if you are liable to being self-conscious you may find it uncomfortable at first - either tallying your lists on your desktop before publishing them, or the anxiety from when publishing them. It hasn't stopped me though, and I'm one of the most anxiety-prone people I know. In fact the most ever, really.

Quote:Do you find you are living your life trying to accomplish things on your checklist, though? That's been my life for the last 6 years: staring down a huge daily checklist for work. I need to do more goalsetting versus pedantry.

I like to write things I've done after I've done them, otherwise I get too expectant of myself and disappointed if I don't achieve everything on my checklist. To have a few objectives in the back of my mind is good, but putting them out on paper sometimes makes me reel back a bit through reclusive characteristics. You may be completely different.

Anyway, wots I dun today.

14.08.14

Today's horoscope

Pursue a personally meaningful goal today. Your high energy and sharp thinking help you aim high and get inspired. Brainstorm with others.

- Listened to Â½ The Wire's Below The Radar 17 compilation – the first track is horrible noise, but the sampled is good
- Listened to Angel Olsen's “Burn Your Fire For No Witness” CD twice, it turning itself on the second time without prompt
- Went to the shops to buy Liver & Onions with Mash meal, pack of Carling for Â£5.95 total. Normal total is Â£7.54.
- Played some slow, plinky pieces on piano at James Street Tavern, Oxford. Told it was “beautiful, like 'Greensleeves'.” Got chatting to the new barmaid about curries with a random called John, who is susceptible to Phaol (incredibly hot curry)
- Recorded a new STS improvisation through USB and Novation Bass Station II MIDI controller. My best one yet imo.
- Added Headphones Mix twice to existing second live recording and evened out to upload in the afternoon, exclusively in the SC thread.
- Listened to Evo & RST's “Tom's Reminder” - a house remix of “Tom's Diner” from the 90s. Quite like it.
- Messaged ASC.
- Twtted about time today and contentment.
- Drank 3 cans Carling as a sobering from being in wrong time wrong place for Nightshift demos.
- Accepted myself in love with Natasha Khan. Infatuation, bloody heck father.

- 10 SubVersion entries related to talking to Lata by email and phone re-viewed by others at 21:00 last night, including the “Unconscious Fears” one, and some of the words in “Do We Ever Make Choices?” have been changed. I was still getting over this.
- “Last Beat (excerpt)” by Soundwalk Collective and “Taye” by Picasso are the best Wire BTR 17 tunes.
- Listened to Atmosphere for the first time – their “Southsiders” track eponymous from that record – liked it, it's a laugh.

- Wire magazine prospective review 5 - 15.08.14

Angel Olsen - Burn Your Fire For No Witness (JagJaguwar CD / LP)

Driven by searing, heavy-heart lyrics and a tactless whine that recalls Roy Orbison's “Crying” but sung by a female, the debut album by NC's Angel Olsen is something both extreme but rhythmically diverse. Joshua Jaeger's plodding pop percussion clashes horns with heavy rock and metal, while Olsen vaults her lyrics up and down registers between tracks like a banshee on an acid trip. On the most melancholy “White Fire”, she croons “everything is just tragic, it all just falls apart / when I look into your eyes, the pieces of my heart / I only had an answer, to put it all to bed / I wish sometimes I could take back every word I said”.

Olsen sings with an honesty and general lack of ambiguity that pierces the cherry tip of your ears. It's as if her broken, husky voice is victim to a thunderstorm and she's trying to pull the plugs simultaneously. “Burn Your Fire”'s electrified nature wholly resembles a domestic anti-euphoria, revelling in gloom but keeping an instability through electric guitar, a voice of volition and keyboard parts that recall mid career Pink Floyd. Guitar wins out as the battery fluid, like on the most cathartic “Windows” to close, though the twinkly piano arpeggios on “High And Wild” share more limelight midway. “I'm neither innocent or wise, when you look me in the eyes / because you don't see me, any more” shakes up this listener's emotions. I asked myself: am I perceiving this music well? Is there something I've abused along the way?

This type of LP situationism is less common in rock and indie-inflected records today, which is where Angel Olsen is a name of note. Like Bjork, she works with structure, but doesn't let it control her. This is one of the few key characteristics of all breakthrough artists as they reach for tones beyond falsetto and soprano. For Olsen, “Burn Your Fire For No Witness”, recorded at Echo Mountain Studios is an exercise in an artist finding a ledge to perch on, but for once it doesn't feel like the platform is about to cave in.

- Dld some photos from friends.
- Played back 3rd Novation session which was a little loopified, want more freeform next.
- Sent 5 test reviews to Derek Walmsley of The Wire. Hoping he'll be able to use one.
- Bought Answer Code Request's new album on firefinga's recommendation for Â£8.33.

- Read Rory Gibb & Dan Barrow's column in The Wire #367 September 2014 - really good. Gibb seems to have more sound references than the Old School Values text.
- Uploaded 4th Novation Bass Station controlled live set, which lasted over 15 minutes last night. It sounded really good live, and sounds decent in recording; you don't get the same layering build-up from the looping chronology by listening back to the layered-loop final version. Now to try utilising looped audio tracks/segments.
- Listened to this excellent electronica collage by Blevin Blectum, which is half drill 'n' bass and half noise

Jon, you can order "Irradiance" for me :P. Just kidding. It's contemporary classical, might not be your or my thing. In the meantime I'm having much fun listening to Blectum's "LazyCoffee April" mixset that's just come on after the other track.

- Discovered Robert Scott Thompson has placed my review of his "Arcana" (my second Wire test review) at the top of the releases' page, above Textura no less. I did ask him to keep it under wraps in case Derek wanted to publish it, but no matter. He's sent me a copy on CD which I think is at the post office.

- Listened to "Arcana" while falling asleep after meds this afternoon. I'm still experiencing an acute drowsiness in afternoons after the dose I'm on in the mornings. But I'm my happiest ever and haven't needed to reach for the Diazepam for around 3 weeks. That would be because I'm doing everything planned as comfortable.
- Learned how to pronounce Szechuan the Chinese way, not the American way. Will be cooking Szechuan Beef from the Fakeaways book tonight, looking fwd.
- Tried playing a set piano mix on the larger keyboard with a linked mix of "All By Myself", "Forgotten Times" and "Muttley Theme". Fingers weren't working that well.

- Fingers were working better in the evening. I recorded Novation Live Session 5 which lasted over 25 minutes. Big Blues guitar from Ableton, a fat beat (I cut up one of the beats I made from drum machines and played gabba styled arpeggios with the beat patterns between keys), Novachord Autechre style, Latin Percussion bells (thanks dionysus!) STS-21 (my favourite soft synth, I made "Regurgitated Impulses" with it) and Dubtron2. 130 BPM this time. Will upload tomorrow afternoon.
- Took meds later than usual (midnight < 10PM) as I wanted to have the volition to do more. Mixes things up with my natural body clock.
- Szechuan Beef with Chillies, Peppers, Green Beans and Rice was awesome, though after washing my hands thoroughly after chopping chillies my eye almost shut from touching the side of my eye. Had to flush it with lots of cold water in a small eye bath. Shit buzz.
- Considered going to a friends' Farm pig roast party, hope I can go (I haven't been out for longer than 45 minutes for over a month).
- Now ranked in the top 20% of Command & Conquer: Tiberium Alliances' at 1996 ending midnight. Finally got my hands on the Orca (the old C&C: Tiberian Sun gamer in me from the nineties remembers how good they were as a whole unit of aircraft).
- Worked with more skill on the Novation synth that gives me the possibility to use just one synth live as I have a grand piano facility in Ableton. 2 octaves though.

Syns

14 (2 small glasses red, thanks Mum and Dad, and 3 small slices Bakewell). Much better than the previous 3 days.

- Listened to BSN Posse's "I'On Need U" which is like Salem's vocalist and Carlito in a deep fat fryer - nice!
- Just got my special copy of Robert Scott Thompson's "Arcana" through the mail from California - one for Oxford this week.
- 1 jelly away from completing LV 40 on Candy Crush Saga.
- Posted Random Thoughts Thread comments about neoliberalism onto Facebook to route extra interest into Subvert Central.
- I bought the "It's Only" LP by Quentin Hiatus on Digital-Tunes for Â£5.84
- Read this article on trauma via brain science at The National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioural Medicine

"Hi Mick,

A short while ago, you signed up to be on our list because of some special videos we prepared on mindfulness. We hope you liked them and found them helpful.

We work really hard to prepare interesting and valuable information to support you in your work. So in addition, we'll also be sending you information about brain science as well as trauma.

Neuroscientists are confirming that mindfulness practice is one of the best tools available for enhancing overall brain health.

Science has shown that the practice of mindfulness meditation can provide relief from things like anxiety, insomnia, depression, and grief.

We hope you like the information we send and find it useful. But if at any time you don't, you will always find an unsubscribe button at the bottom of each email.

Thanks for signing up to be part of our list. It is our honor to serve you.

Today, we're highlighting a blog article that looks at how mindfulness meditation might help the brain manage pain. Click here to learn more.

All best,

Ruth"

To do

Make another drum beat for Novation session 6 tonight.
Find out what dinner plans are - done, Chicken in Peppercorn Sauce (Dad is cooking 2nite, so set table and offered to help as is).*
Make an interesting Facebook post.*
Write 2 more Organic reviews at least (done 6 now).*
Copy another CD from parents' collection to Asus - done, Lana Del Ray - Born To Die*

- Mentioning this at the top, because it's so irrational: the landlord who rejected my application after agreeing it was
mine 5 days before rejected another person's application for exactly the same reason - "I don't think they're the right
person", in transcription. I can understand and don't complain about people making value judgements, as everyone makes
judgements that can lead to something rational, but in this case he's only met each person once, and that's that. What a
dickhead. I hope he gets a shitty tenant when he finally decides someone's suitable for him
- Emailed Robert Scott Thompson to say I got the CD, and very fine it is too.
- Uploaded 6th Mp3 of my Novation Live Sessions to the Subvert thread, linked on Fbook and Twtter
- Weighed myself again and I'm 16 1/2 stone in the middle of the day, fully clothed, having eaten 2 boiled eggs & toast
and a pack of fish sticks with a satsuma. So that's a pound off since 3 weeks ago. Good going considering the wine.
- Watched over Mutley, picking him up a lot as he's getting so debilitated, meanwhile putting clothes away, washing in.
- Showered without voices, great

Today's horoscope

Good communication is critical today. Speak in clear, concrete terms, even if you aren't clear on your needs. Keep it simple and concise. Read more…

- Watched over Mutley at nighttime and fed him, kept his back legs stable when eating etc. Bless him, even if he wusses.
- Read all Nightshift 229's reviews and checked gig listing; nothing on up to the weekend that I'll go to.
- Upgraded Defense HQ to LV 21 on my 2nd C&C:TA base. Added a Guardian anti-infantry unit and upgraded walls and barriers.
- Created a new Novation Live Session base with instruments and audio loops.
- Got greeted upon ordering Khazana and Bilash Special Massalla from their Top Kitchen - "good evening sir, are you well?"
- Smiled from Statto's feedback to my first 6 live sets.

Saw link worker, she helped me go shopping as I was unable.
Added Jon and Peter Olsson's comments on my releases “FTAL Attraction” & “Vena Amoris” to Bandcamp.
Listened to Paul Mckenna mind programming CD twice.
Went to First Floor, Lamb Jaipueri was lovely
Supplemented FL Live Set thread post for set 7 with a description.
Tried another FL Live Set only to be plagued by connection problems. To look at.
Wrote up final Organic releases to go in Basal Sounds August column.