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Summer Wrap-Up Read-A-Thon Laughing Out Loud Challenge

Hi! I'm really excited to be hosting the Laugh-Out-Loud challenge. For this challenge, just leave the funniest book quotes you know in the comment section. To enter the giveaway, you have to participate in the challenge and be a participant in the read-a-thon. I'm giving away Onyx by Jennifer Armentrout, since she's one of my favorite authors. Good luck! :)

40 comments:

One of my favourite authors is Meg Cabot, so I found this challenge hugely difficult just narrowing it down to a few favourite quotes!

Size 12 and Ready to Rock by Meg Cabot“One of them called you fat? Cooper sounds amused. Did you tell her that your boyfriend owns a gun and a permit to carry it in New York city?”

Queen of Babble gets Hitched by Meg Cabot“Hi Lizzie Chaz’s deep voice rasps in my ear. You were hoping I’d spill the truth to Luke abour our illicit affair and he’d call the whole thing off, weren’t you? No such luck I’m afraid. You got yourself into this mess, and you’re going to have to get yourself out of it. If you think I’m going to come sweeping in like some kind of prince in a milk-white charger to save your pretty little buns on this one you’re high. I let out a totally fake laugh. Thank you! I cry. That is so nice of you to say! Luke continues to beam at me from across the kitchen.”

One of the most hilarious quotes I've read in the past few weeks was from Joanna Kavenna's Come to the Edge:

‘Fetch wood.’‘Where do I fetch it from?’‘The wood, of course.’‘What do I fetch it with?’‘Well, there are various techniques you could use including asking the trees to give up their branches and begging the branches to walk along behind you, but I would suggest a bloody big axe and a basket.’

“It means 'Shadowhunters: Looking Better in Black Than the Widows of our Enemies Since 1234'.” -- Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

“- So my own sister will not promote me? Speaking of which, weren't you supposed to find me a beautiful future wife with a small fortune? Have you had any success on that front?- Yes - I have warned them all.” ― Libba Bray, Rebel Angels

“Tiny fists can hurt quite a lot when they hit you in the face.” ― Robin McKinley, Spindle's End

“There were rules among friends, commandments, really, and the most important one was Thou Shalt Not Lust After Thy Friend's Sister.” ― Julia Quinn, The Duke And I

“Well sure, who doesn't need a boyfriend? but realistically, those exotic creatures are hard to come by. At least a quality one.” ― Rachel Cohn, Dash & Lily's Book of Dares (this one is funny and so true)

"Don't touch any of my weapons without mmy permission.""Well, there goes my plan for selling them all on eBay," Clary muttered."Selling them on what?"Clary smiled blandly at him. "A mythical plave of great magical power."- Clary Fray dan Jace Wayland, City of Bones

Now, if you have never been hit by a flying burrito, count yourself lucky. In terms of deadly projectiles, it's right up there with grenades and cannonballs- Grover Underwood The Titan's Curse

He had even read Pride and Prejudice--although he had thought that many of the heroine's problems would have been solved if someone had simply strangled her mother.- Thierry Durand, Private Demon

Here it goes:“...things happen that are out of your control.'Kerrick gave him a tight smile. 'You mean I'm not omnipotent?''You're not even semi-potent.''Is that even a word?' Kerrick asked.'He probably means you're impotent,' I offered.”- Maria V. Snyder, Touch of Power

"What's in the name of Voldy's pasty-white rear end was that?"- G. Norman Lippert, James Potter and the Hall of Elder's Crossing

Didn't recall any more but this two had me laughing and rolling on the floor.

These are just a few from my favorite funny dialogue writers J.K. Rowling and Cassandra Clare. I'm a fan of sarcasm.

“Do you remember me telling you we are practicing non-verbal spells, Potter?""Yes," said Harry stiffly."Yes, sir.""There's no need to call me "sir" Professor."

“Why were you lurking under our window?""Yes - yes, good point, Petunia! What were you doing under our windows, boy?""Listening to the news," said Harry in a resigned voice.His aunt and uncle exchanged looks of outrage."Listening to the news! Again?""Well, it changes every day, you see," said Harry.”― J.K. Rowling

“I've got a stele we can use. Who wants to do me?""A regrettable choice of words," muttered Magnus.”

“It's not gray," Clary felt compelled to point out. "It's green.""If there was such a thing as terminal literalism, you'd have died in childhood," said Jace.”― Cassandra Clare

This one is, I believe, unintentionally funny. A serious moment that I couldn't help but giggle at. Does it still count?

"Can I look at your genitalia?"

"But don't you want to know about the pleasure?""Maybe later."-Heather Anastasiu, Glitch

Thank you for the giveaway and I love this challenge. Here are a few of my faves:

“But this room looked like it had been decorated by the unholy lovechild of Barbie and Strawberry Shortcake.” ― Rachel Hawkins, Hex Hall

“I moan with pleasure."Did you just have a foodgasm?" he asks, wiping ricotta from his lips."Where have you been all my life?" I ask the beautiful panini.” ― Stephanie Perkins, Anna and the French Kiss

Pearl burst out laughing. “Seriously? A unicorn? Please.”

He pranced out of the shadows and across the parking lot. His silver hooves jingled like bells as they struck the pavement.

The birds chirped even louder. She had to leave. But this … Her cousins were going to pee themselves laughing when they heard she’d seen a unicorn behind the Dairy Hut.

“Why are you here? Are you dumpster diving?” Pearl asked. “I can see how the horn would be useful in sorting through trash. But is that really appropriate behavior for a mythical creature? Shouldn’t you be eating honey and sunshine?”

The unicorn didn’t speak. She supposed she shouldn’t be surprised—horses didn’t speak, and he was horselike. He paced toward her. She eyed his shimmery neck and wondered what a unicorn would taste like. “Thanks, but I’m stuffed,” she said.

He bumped his nose against her shirt.

“Hey, no equine drool on the blouse,” Pearl said. Did he expect her to pat him? She wasn’t an animal lover. She’d never been the type to plaster her bedroom walls with posters of horses or of fluffy kittens dangling from limbs above the caption HANG IN THERE. “Well, this is all very nice, but I have to run. Go on, shoo. Go … poop rainbows … or whatever it is you do.” She wiggled her fingers at him to wave good-bye, and then she turned her back on the unicorn and started to walk away.- Drink, Slay, Love

This is one of my all time favorite, funniest quotes ever! It's from Meg Cabot's "Big Boned" (#3 in the Heather Wells Mysteries):(Heather's (& my, for that matter) reaction when she's (I'm) running:"I'll go at my own pace. Nice and easy. Here we go. There, see? I'm doing it. I'm running! Hey, look at me! I'm running! I'm-"Okay, well that's enough of that. Whew. I mean, a girl could hyperventilate from doing that. And seriously, it's my first day. Don't want to overdo it. "Also I think I felt something come loose back there. I'm not trying to overreact or anything, but I think it was my uterus. Honest. I think my uterus jiggled free."

He hands me a yellow padded envelope from his desk, and my stomach dances like it’s my birthday. I rip the package open. A small patch falls to the floor. It’s the Canadian flag.I pick it up. “Um. Thanks?”He tosses his hat onto his bed and rubs his hair. It flies up in all different directions. “It’s for your backpack, so people won’t think you’re American. Europeans are much more forgiving of Canadians.”I laugh. “Then I love it. Thank you.”“You aren’t offended?”“No, it’s perfect.”“I had to order it online, that’s why it took so long. Didn’t know where I could find one in Paris, sorry.” He fishes through a desk drawer and pulls out a safety pin. He takes the tiny maple leaf flag from my hands and carefully pins it to the pocket of my backpack. “There. You’re officially Canadian. Try not to abuse your new power.”~Anna and the French Kiss~*As a Canadian I found this amusing lol

“You aren't scared of limes, are you?" asked Charlie.The creature laughed, scornfully. "I," it said, "am frightened of nothing.""Nothing?""Nothing," it said.Charlie said, "Are you extremely frightened of nothing?""Absolutely terrified of it," admitted the Dragon."You know," said Charlie, "I have nothing in my pockets. Would you like to see it?""No," said the Dragon uncomfortably, "I most definitely would not.” - from Neil Gaiman's Anansi Boys

“Why are you worrying about YOU-KNOW-WHO, when you should be worrying about YOU-NO-POO? The constipation sensation that's gripping the nation!”- from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

“Do you remember me telling you we are practicing non-verbal spells, Potter?""Yes," said Harry stiffly."Yes, sir.""There's no need to call me "sir" Professor."- from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

“It's a snake, then.""Rattler?""Most likely."I was taking this extremely well. "We have to kill it. By we, of course, I mean you. I'll stand here and scream." - from Gini Koch's Touched by an Alien

Funny - this challenge just made me spend an hour looking through Goodreads quotes :) Oh, and the ones mentioned by the others! Hilarious!This one is not THAT funny but I think it's typical JK Rowling humor :)“Just then Neville caused a slight diversion by turning into a large canary.” ― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Laughing out loud for me is Wodehouse. Here is a quote from the preface of his book. “A certain critic -- for such men, I regret to say, do exist -- made the nasty remarkabout my last novel that it contained 'all the old Wodehouse characters underdifferent names.' He has probably by now been eaten by bears, like the childrenwho made mock of the prophet Elisha: but if he still survives he will not be able tomake a similar charge against Summer Lightning. With my superior intelligence, Ihave out-generalled the man this time by putting in all the old Wodehouse characters under the same names. Pretty silly it will make him feel, I rather fancy.”― P.G. Wodehouse, Preface of Summer Lightning

I just started reading Outtakes of A Walking Mistake by Anthony Paull, and it's hilarious:"How many times do I have to tell you?" she snapped. "Boys are nothing more than big, stuffed teddy bears. They're soft, cute, cuddly, and look great on your pillow, but I'll be damned if I'm seen toting one around campus".

“So Haymitch, what do you think of the games have one hundred percent more competitors than usual?” asks Caesar.Haymitch shrugs. “I don’t see that it makes that much difference. They’ll still be one hundred percent as stupid as usual, so I figure my odds will be roughly the same.” ― Suzanne Collins, Catching Fire

“If you want to call yourself my friend, you should know that position comes with boundaries."Sabine frowned. "I'm no good with boundaries.""Yes, and the ocean is damp. Can we be done with the understatements now?” ― Rachel Vincent, Before I Wake

“And what renders him so unmarriageable?” Eloise asked.Francesca leveled a serious stare at her older sister. Eloise was mad if she thought she should set her cap for Michael.“Well?” Eloise prodded.“He could never remain faithful to one woman,” Fran-cesca said, “and I doubt you‟d be willing to put up with infidelities.”“No,” Eloise murmured, “not unless he‟d be willing to put up with severe bodily injury.” ― Julia Quinn, When He Was Wicked

“Can I keep you? he whispered, laughing and pulling away from her as soon as the words came out. "Whats wrong with me? I'm quoting Casper.” -J.M. Darhower, Sempre

“We came to see Jace. Is he alright?""I don't know," Magnus said. "Does he normally just lie on the floor like that without moving?” -Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes (I could quote CC forever, everyone in the books all got sense of humor)

“Oh, we're playing nice now? Shall we have tea first? Brew up a nice pot of kiss-my-ass?” -Julie Kagawa, The Iron King

Awww, I love this challenge!! I've made a post for it! :) :) http://neabarabea.blogspot.com/2012/08/summer-wrap-up-read-thon-update-day-7.html

But, I'll still share some of my favourites here too :) :D

“I had a standing arrangement with God: I'd agree to believe in him—barely—so long as he let me sleep in on Sundays.” [Richelle Mead, Vampire Academy]

“You guessed? You must have been pretty sure, considering you could have killed me.""I was ninety percent sure.""I see," Clary said. There must have been something in her voice, because he turned to look at her. Her hand cracked across his face, a slap that rocked him back on his heels. He put his hands on his cheek, more in surprise than pain."What the hell was that for?""The other ten percent.” [Cassandra Clare, City of Bones]

“Okay, God, I thought. Get me out of this and I’ll stop my half-assed church-going ways. You got me past a pack of Strigoi tonight. I mean, trapping that one between the doors really shouldn't have worked, so clearly you're on board. Let me get out of here, and I’ll...I don’t know. Donate Adrian’s money to the poor. Get baptized. Join a convent. Well, no. Not that last one.” [Richelle Mead, Blood Promise]

3. “Belikov is a sick, evil man who should be thrown into a pit of rabid vipers for the great offense he commited against you this morning."

"Thank you." I said primly. Then, I considered. "Can vipers be rabid?"

"I don't see why not. Everything can be. I think. Canadian geese might be worse than vipers, though."

"Canadian geese are deadlier than vipers?"

"You ever try to feed those little bastards? They're vicious. You get thrown to vipers, you die quickly. But the geese? That'll go on for days. More suffering."

"Wow. I don't know whether I should be impressed or frightened that you've thought about all of this.”- Frostbite (Richelle Mead)

4. “Have you fallen in love with the wrong person yet?'Jace said, "Unfortunately, Lady of the Haven, my one true love remains myself."

"At least," she said, "you don't have to worry about rejection, Jace Wayland."

"Not necessarily. I turn myself down occasionally, just to keep it interesting.”- City of bones (Cassandra Clare)

5. “Let me give you a piece of advice. The handsome young fellow who’s trying to rescue you from a hideous fate is never wrong. Not even if he says the sky is purple and made of hedgehogs.”- Clockwork Angel (Cassandra Clare)

6. “Why are you limping like that?" Nicholas demanded.

"I'm swaggering," I informed him.

"You look like you're wearing a diaper."

Charming. And I had a crush on this guy.Wait. I had a crush on this guy?

I LOVE collecting funny quotes from books! Here are a few I've noted recently for writing reviews:

TO BE A CAT by Matt Haig:"People ask animals things all the time. Like if a dog decides to go to the toilet on a carpet you might ask, 'What is the matter with you?' Or if a goldfish is lying upside down on the top of the water its owner might enquire, 'Are you dead?'"

FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS by Hunter S. Thompson:"It was treacherous, stupid and demented in every way - but there was no avoiding the stench of twisted humor that hovered around the idea of a gonzo journalist in the grip of a potentially terminal drug episode being invited to cover the Nation District Attorneys' Conference on Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs."

THERE IS NO DOG by Meg Rosoff:"The noise that emerged from Bob's mouth shattered every window in the room. Bob tore at his hair and rent the hem of his garment. He was God, the Almighty, the All-powerful Everlasting Father, King of Kings and Lord of Lords. With the Mother of all Mothers."

I just bought the first Lux novel and I reckon I'm in love already! :D

Here's some great dialogue from the book, STRANGE HEAVEN by Lynn Coady:

"And what's your problem?""Still not feeling well.""Ach, you're stomach's just not used to it. Best thing to do is keep eating.""I don't know about that, now," said Bernadette, the nurse."She needs some solid goddamn food in her for a change."Margaret P. spat out a mouthful of potatoes. "Poison," she opined."Jesus Murphy, Ma, that's good goddamn food you're spitting out out. Joan spent all day on that, now.""Rollie," barked Margaret P. "Don't you eat that food. Don't let Rollie eat that food, now.""He wants to eat," said Rollie, indignant."Wipe your nose, for Christ's sake.""Jesus Chris' Almigh'y," said Rollie, touching his front pocket.A few moments of awkward, cherished silence went by as every one chewed. Soon Margaret P. began to cry in the senile, affected way she had. Having a great, artificial, gut-wrenching sighs. Every one listened to her."Margie, stop, now, dear," Joan said at last."I don't want Rollie to die," she said. "Bridey C. poisoned the food before she died.""Goddammit, Ma, nobody poisoned the goddamn food, and nobody died.""It's full of the cancer."

And my all time fave:Seduce me At Sunrise - Kleypas:“To Cam surprise, she was smiling up at him steadily, her eyes midnight.His expression turned quizzical. "What's so amus­ing?"Amelia toyed with a button on his coat. "I was just thinking . . . tonight those two old hens will probably go to their beds, cold and alone." An impish grin curved her lips. "Whereas I will be with a wicked, handsome Rom who will keep me warm all night.”

Devil in Winter - Kleypas:“Good God. I don’t believe St. Vincent and the word ‘celibacy’ have ever been mentioned in the same sentence before.”

Sugar Daddy - Kleypas:“Most men don't seem to get that telling a pissed-off woman to calm down is like throwing gunpowder on a fire.” ~ Liberty Jones”

Mine Till Midnight - Kleypas:“Rohan, one of us is an unmarried man with superior mathematical abilitiesand no prospects for the evening. The other is a confirmed lecher in an amorous mood, with a willing and nubile young wife waiting at home. Who do you think should do the damned account books?" And, with a nonchalant wave, St. Vincent had left the office.”

Quote: I always feel so lost and empty when I finish a really good book or series.

-“Somehow, I believe you.”“If you didn’t, I could always give you a teaser.” He paused, and I could hear the smile in his voice. “You bookish people love teasers, don’t you?”I laughed, “You’ve been doing your research on my blog.”“Maybe,” he replied. “Like I said, I've got to keep an eye on you, Kitten.”

And love this too, had to add it:

“Don't touch any of my weapons without my permission.""Well, there goes my plan for selling them all on eBay," Clary muttered."Selling them on what?"Clary smiled blandly at him. "A mythical place of great magical power.” ― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

One of the funniest series that I have read is the "Numbers" mysteries by Janet Evanovich starring Stephanie Plum. Finding quotes that are funny in their own right is difficult, though, since the situations and the evolution of the characters contribute so much to the occasional belly-laugh that bursts out when I'm reading. Here are a couple of funny quotes:

"Is that a bulletproof vest? See, now that's so insulting. That's like saying I'm not smart enough to shoot you in the head."

"In my opinion, the only good spider is a dead spider, and women's rights aren't worth dick if they mean I can't ask a man to do my bug squashing."

"There is no such thing as a good call at 7 AM. It's been my experience that all calls between the hours of 11 PM and 9 AM are disaster calls."

And my all time favorite:“It's just that most really good-looking people are stupid, so I exceed expectations.""Right, it's primarily his hotness," I said."It can be sort of blinding," he said."It actually did blind our friend Isaac," I said."Terrible tragedy, that. But can I help my own deadly beauty?""You cannot.""It is my burden, this beautiful face.""Not to mention your body.""Seriously, don't even get me started on my hot bod. You don't want to see me naked, Dave. Seeing me naked actually took Hazel Grace's breath away," he said, nodding toward the oxygen tank. -John Green, The Fault in Our Stars