Squeeze Play: Porking and Corking

Why are Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen being so close mouthed about this alleged sex tape? So what if they were supposedly caught doing the mummy and daddy dance in a private restaurant wine cellar? What’s a little porking and corking between friends?

Besides, sex tapes are so February 2001. I mean, jeez, everybody has one by now.

What’s the big deal? Just put the damn thing on YouTube already and let’s all move on.

Scouting Report

Kris Benson is trying to revive his flagging career and apparently has been impressive in his workouts for the Phillies as he tries to work his way back from injuries.

Wife Anna was there to provide a scouting report, saying “Kris looks great.”

Uh, thanks, Anna. We were actually here to check out his fastball, not his butt. However, if you want to show us some booty, we’re okay with that.

The Great One Takes his Hacks

Former hockey uber stud Wayne Gretzky dropped by the Royals’ training camp last week and, along with his wife and son, took some batting practice.

The Great One has often said that when he was growing up, he wanted to be a baseball player. Instead, he settled on being the greatest player in the history of the NHL.

Of course, longtime wife Janet Jones has had her share of close encounters with balls, having appeared in the movie “A League of Their Own.”

The word on the street was that Jones was taking BP quite seriously, heading over to the video camera to check her swing after each hack.

Sure she wasn’t just checking her makeup?

At any rate, even the Royals aren’t sad enough to sign Jones or her 47-year-old husband. Or are they? What do you think the odds are on that one? Where’s Rick Tocchet when you need him?