Slice without fear, cook without bounds

How to Cut Spring Onions…Since It’s Spring Now

I’m going camping this weekend. And I always surprise people when I say this but… I HATE camping.

We’re a really sporty family so it always shocks people when we tell them that none of us like camping. We can do creeks, hiking, tough mudders, kayaking, all that good stuff and for a short period of time. But after we’re done with our dirty activity, we go home, we shower, and we sleep.

Why. In the world. Would I be interested in spending the whole day outside where there are bugs and snakes and NOTHING to do? Also, you always feel like you have a layer of dirt covering you. It’s very thin, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s there and it drives me CRAZY. Now…after I spend the whole day outside with nothing to do with the bugs and covered by my dirt layer…now you tell me to go sleep under a piece of plastic on the hard ground right in the middle of the place where the BEARS LIVE!

As I’m finishing my rant…which by the way, I’m going with my second family who I DO love which is really the single redeeming quality of camping…I just realized that the reason I’m saying all of this in my head with a deep voice is because I remember Jim Gaffigan making the same argument against camping in a sketch he did.

Any advice on how to go camping without wanting to get eaten by a bear? Let me know in the comments below (FYI, “use a camper” is NOT a helpful hint because that means that I’ll have to go camping more often to make up for the fact that I bought a camper so just don’t.)

If you don’t have any advice then it’s time to learn about spring onions. Heeere we go!

1. Gear Up

Chef’s Knife

Spring Onions (sometimes called scallions or green onions)

Cutting Board

2. Place all of your green onions nicely in a row and remove the white tentacles on the end. Throw those tentacles away.

I think they might be roots? But tentacles seems more appropriate.

3. Hold onto your green onions with your non-dominant and start making tiny slices (like, a little bit less than a quarter of an inch) towards your hand.

This is very important: If you start smashing your onion, that means you need to sharpen it! Go! Sharpen it now.

4. Keep slicing until you reach the part where the branches start to separate…then stop.

I use both the green and white parts of the onion. I think they both taste great and don’t feel the need to waste ALL that onion. I do, of course, throw away the stems though.