Thinking this post through has taken me some time. In the end, I really felt I wanted to, NO, HAD TO share my experiences with you.

Halloween in coming up and every year I dread this holiday.

My children have never just fell in that scope of normal when it comes to behavior. I would love to say that they are like every other child out there. For this mom this is far from the reality that is their childhood. My children have offered me challenges at every turn. Mostly in the way that they were going to be willing to confront the world. I do have those sweet, quiet children in my life, however, they often get overshadowed by those that demand more (Pratus is one such child). I have often felt like an outsider parent when it came to raising these children. For example: when I would go to play groups with other parents it always was a disaster. I saw how they would look at me with pity and yet with no idea how to help me. I sometimes wondered if they thought that my children’s behavior would be catchy as if it were a sickness. Then there were those that thought I was a passive parent that allowed my children to run amuck. Assuming my child was just undisciplined, was really difficult for me. Often I am overly demanding as a parent. I have been told I just need to relax and allow them to make mistakes. In my role as a parent to just let them make their mistakes had not been an option (now that I have teen I learning to do this more and more. I have found that it is actually a good thing and not something to fear as it was when they were small). I was/am organized. I think things through. I plan my trips to stores when I don’t have to take a child. I cook when I know they are self entertained, etc, etc, etc. All with the express intent to keep them safe and happy as well as not torture the outside world with my so called little hellions.

Halloween, The one day of the year where we throw the never ending teachings that, we never take candy from strangers, out the window. The one day of the year when bad guys can actually be good guys. The one day where scary is awesome, and we promote it instead of shielding our children from it. That one day of the year where we ignore bedtime organization, diets, germ practices, and so on. Have I said how I dread this holiday? I would very much love to just shut the curtains and pretend it isn’t happening. I just don’t feel that is fair or teaches the right message to my kids.

I stood my ground for years against people and what they think is best for my children. I have ignored the people who have told me that my child just needs a firm spanking, just because that is what worked for them in their time. I have put off people that said to me “well they are just going to have to learn how to act like everyone else”. SORRY NO, THEY AREN”T CATTLE. I have gone outside the box more times than I can count. All in the hopes of a cohesive life. No, not cohesive but, an amazing life. A life where they flourish and become people who can know that there isn’t only one way of doing things.

Halloween is often a time filled with excessive stimuli. Often for some children it is just too much. Pratus last year couldn’t handle the costume. At 2.5 years old, he hated being dressed in much of anything, much less as a dragon. I thought it was cute until I saw his face and how much this cuteness upset him. He literally had a meltdown over this thing being on him. After a bit of unsuccessful cohersing and trying to convey my pleasure in seeing him as a dragon, I realized he was not going to budge and quickly stripped him of the cuteness. I was really disappointed, but what was worse was how horrible his behavior was after that. He was upset with me. He kept trying to get across how that made him feel, but at 2.5 it all comes out like a demon possession. In both our eyes that Halloween was not one for the happy scrapbooks.

As good as it got. 😦 only picture where you can’t see tears.

When I first encountered behavior from my children that seemed not like the norm, I jumped to the internet, friends, family, doctors. Really anyone who I thought could tell me what this was and how to handle it. Doctors said medication helps. My friends were clueless as most had “normal” kids. My family was just as frustrated as I was and really wished I would just keep my kids at home. Then there was the internet and its fountain of information. The internet led me from one unknown to a vast wasteland of people who like me were clueless but, looking for answers. A few sites had some good ideas, but, nothing more than hypotheses, or studies that may be on the verge of something just not there yet, or just outright bullarky! I remember wading through the mass amounts of crud and finding a few tidbits of actual useful information. It seemed that artificial colors, flavors and preservatives were for a lot of children’s catalysts to unwanted behavior.

Halloween, a time for colorful treats and CANDY, CANDY, CANDY, CANDY.

I hit rock bottom with my kids when they were very little. I figured it was me, I was not a good parent because I couldn’t make them be like other kids. I started to change their diets as a pitiful attempt to alter their unruly behavior. I had little faith that it would do anything but, I was desperate. I had no support for this back some 14 years ago. At that time it was medication or just understanding that you had a child with disabilities. It really seemed there was that fine line between a child who thought and acted differently and a child in a wheel chair with a debilitating physical/mental handicap. For years and I do mean years the diet I put them on was met with some of the most horrendous and judgmental views. I thank god that now it is trendy to feed your children “Organic” or “all natural”. Back then it was truly a fight with everyone. How could I not allow my children to have treats like a “normal” child. There was that word again (as Forest Gump would say “normal is as normal does”). I wanted to just scream at people, “fine I accept I don’t have a normal child and yes, it is my fault”or “I’m sorry, by all mean give my child the cupcake as they are so deprived and it is just cruel”.

Halloween, makes me cringe, but, this year I have seen some hope. With so many more children out there with allergies or people deciding to eat differently, trick or treating can be hard. This year they have this new thing where a house that has non-candy treats puts up a teal pumpkin (read more about it here). I think that is great, a little hard to see in the dark but, great.

Teal pumpkin project

Now I am in a whole new world, yet back to the same old adage “your child is not NORMAL”. Pratus thinks differently and acts accordingly. To most a child that skins his knee and then cries is acting normally in a normal situation. When my son skins his knee and has a fit over it people see it as acting abnormally to a normal situation. However, for Pratus he is acting normally to an abnormal situation. He becomes angry and aggressive. At 3 he is mad at the ground for hurting him and mad at himself for being hurt. He struggle to come to me to be comforted. For him a bandaid is just another thing that just doesn’t work. The feel of it is not comforting. So here I am, a mom that just wants to make her child’s boo boo go away. The problem is that I just don’t know how to do it.

Halloween, Oh how I would love to enjoy your simple fun in a grown up way. I would love to stand side by side with another mom watching our children run up to houses, thier little faces flush with excitement, their little costumes cute and picture worthy. I would love to see candy filling our house with sweetness. I would love to take my teens to a haunted house or even attend a party. That will not be the case for this mom. I will be sending off my teens with the child that can handle it, meaning I stay behind for the child that can’t.

So many people lose out when households have to adjust to situations. I know I am not the only person that has had to make adjustments or allotments for someone. There are just are times where it never becomes easier to accept.

Halloween, you are one holiday that will have to wait to be celebrated the way you deserve to be. Until then, oh how you cause me so much frustration. I just can’t focus the blame on the child so, you will have to take the brunt of it. Maybe next year we will have learned how to co-mingle until then….BOO! on you.

Alanso, during his phase for the love for all things pirate.Sabrina being spookySabrina, Trenton and Dawson the younger years.My little sweet chicken Alanso. This is his final year in his favorite costume, I can’t wait to see it go 🙂

There have been so many days where I thought that I was alone in this big big world. So many times where I thought no one else felt the way I did, thought the way I thought or did the things I did. I am glad that through internet searches and the blogs I have read I found this to not be true. That is why I decided to jump in here feet first and go ahead and let others know they aren’t alone either.

My family is all sorts of mixed up crazy and I do mean that to be a compliment most days. This year I am older and wiser, not in my wisest years I am sure, but also not twenty something anymore. I have had my babies, I have had a child leave home to join society in the ultimate quest for survival. However I still have little ones that won’t be gone anytime soon and teens that will. What a roller coaster of a life!

Pratus My littlest guy is 3 now and what a handful. There are days when I wish someone would come and save me from him. My love is great and I wish I could just lavish my love on him but alas, he isn’t that type of child (being receptive of such things). There are times when he is full of love and helpful and just all around great, but those days are so far and few that life with him as the baby has its own limitations right along with those I put on myself.

We have just recently become a split family where I am now a single parent of these 5 kids, it is okay, I’ll make do, I’ll make it work, I have faith in myself regardless of who else does. I have big dreams filled with adventure and learning even if my kids would rather just be teens or others would rather I just live like the Jones. In my view, life is to short to sit around and just be a spectator in it.

To me life is about what we do when we wake to what we do when our heads hit the pillow at night. I am not perfect and fight the battle of good health every day. Most times I am about 60% extremely healthy and 40% can’t keep away from the things I crave. I am creative with DIY projects, however I have my limitations and am just not one of those crafty women who can sit around making their kids class homemade valentines cards. I am lucky if I have made homemade play dough that wasn’t just left over bread dough that I was kind enough to break off (really only to prevent a meltdown by Pratus). I have tried eating RAW, Paleo, Low carb, Sugar-free, Juicing, Gluten-free, Gluten and Casein free, Organic only, and of course the Standard American Diet (SAD). None of which struck me as the only way to eat so when I post recipes you will find all kids, the bests of each group that seem to be the ones we come back to again and again. I have lived on a tight budget and being able to really throw the budget out the window and just buy whatever I wanted. All of these I hope to share with people.