Pages

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

What Sucks…Heidi Montag

A marriage lies in ruins, one man is dead and now his legacy of performing 10 plastic surgery procedures on one woman, in one day, is in jeopardy. This is the saga of Heidi Montag’s boobs.

I try not to write a lot about Heidi Montag here because I don’t want to know anything about her. I never was a fan of The Hills or the show that came before/ after it, and I felt like, she wasn’t my problem. She was something that MTV wrought on the world. MTV is the Fox News for young people by the way. Fox News creates and gives unfettered airtime to a-holes for adults (Glenn Beck, Palin, etc.), MTV does the same thing for younger people (The Hills cast, Jersey Shore, etc.) There are differences of course, MTV cares about people with HIV, Fox pays the people who appear and staff their shows. But I digress- this is about Heidi.

Lately, it seems Heidi been making a push to have people recognize her for sucking and being that this blog basically functions on a Suck-meritocracy, fine- I’ll talk about her.

Add “having giant F-cup sized cans” to the ever growing list of things Heidi Montag can’t do, as she announced this week she will be under-going surgery to have her breast implants removed. Yes, Heidi Montag’s sized F boobs, we hardly knew ya, and I am sure you will be the highlight of next year’s “In Memoriam” at the Idiot Awards which I am told will be hosted by…......... (hmm, what name to put in this joke…) ……….. (who’s it gonna be?) ………… (Spencer Pratt?) ……. (Heidi herself?) ….. (go outside with a ‘Sarah Palin?’) …. (maybe the goes “hostless” like the Golden Globes- or is that just what an award show says when they can’t book a host?!) ….. (will this segment make the Deconstruction Awards held the week AFTER the Idiot Awards?)….

Hosted by Neil Patrick Harris! Come on, you produce a show called the “Idiot Awards” I don’t care who you are you KNOW this guy is gonna bring the goods- he can sing, he can dance- he’s likeable- bring him in, MAKE THE DEAL!

Anyway so, Heidi is having her oversized fake puppies removed. It’s actually a poignant story, (she says she made the decision after she looked in the mirror and could hardly recognize the idiot looking back at her). So as documented by WhatSucksBlog in the past, these are the things that Heidi has pretty much proven she can’t…

Heidi apparently recently made a sex tape with Playboy model Karissa Shannon which was stolen by her ex-husband (renown douche Spencer Pratt), shopped to Vivid Entertainment for distribution and then basically put on a shelf because I am guessing no one was into it.

In this day and age to fail at a sex tape- good lord, Kim Kardashian has one!- it’s just in excusable.

No comments:

What Sucks Mission Statement

Suckiness surrounds us all, gripping us in a vice-like hold, with the ferocity of a bear trap made of shit. My mission? To offer insight and shed understanding on the vast, seemingly endless, black hole of crap each one of us has to face on a daily basis. And while that torrent of bullshit is both mammoth in scope and unyielding in its advance, at least here it can be called it out for what it is- a lot of shit that really sucks.

So join me- everyday I’ll shine the spotlight on something that sucks. And your comments, until you weird me out, are always welcome. That being said, thanks for stopping by and sorry everything sucks so bad.

About Me

Chris DeLuca is a writer/ producer/ comic currently living in Hoboken, the Prague of New Jersey. He's written for a bunch of TV shows you probably have not watched or heard of (United States of Hip Hop, Nikki & Sara Live, Mob Wives Reunion, BET's Don't Sleep, and Fuse News- see?) as well as Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn, Best Week Ever, Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson and the 12/12/12 Concert For Sandy Relief. He was also the "World's Oldest Intern" on VH1's Big Morning Buzz. In 2009 he created, wrote and starred in the hilarious, and subversive “Mocap, LLC" on Spike. Sadly, he thinks he caused his parent's divorce.