tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28989955.post3723385137111321975..comments2013-07-09T09:01:46.167-07:00Comments on Men Need Feminism: Carnival!Jeff Pollethttps://plus.google.com/104880791314597205982noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28989955.post-81241955702530963832007-03-26T15:54:00.000-07:002007-03-26T15:54:00.000-07:00Howdy, this is Jeremy. Hmmm. I think you're misund...Howdy, this is Jeremy. Hmmm. I think you're misunderstanding (and mischaracterizing) my point, but I'll let that pass. Instead I pondered your last paragraph today over at <A HREF="http://daddy-dialectic.blogspot.com/" REL="nofollow">Daddy Dialectic</A>. Check it out and let me know what you think. <BR/><BR/>I'm pretty supportive of what you're trying to do here at Feminist Allies and I added you to my tiny, elite blogroll.Jeremy Adam Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11733669114207985920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28989955.post-36753824171593926182007-03-24T15:25:00.000-07:002007-03-24T15:25:00.000-07:00"Most likely they'll feel all the stresses that me..."Most likely they'll feel all the stresses that men feel plus more."<BR/><BR/>You know, Smith actually acknowledges this in the next line of the post--he writes that, "This is not to imply that we exist in a state of equality. Women still face the glass ceiling, the double shift, sexual harassment, and so on. Men are still the privileged group." All other things being equal (race, class, etc.), women do face greater burdens and remain oppressed as women. <BR/><BR/>I think what Smith is trying to do here is provide some degree of comfort and perspective to women who are walking in the transitional space between patriarchal oppression and equality, where they must carry the burdens of both. We obviously can't go backward, but we might look to the experiences of others (in this case, breadwinning moms to breadwinning dads) to get some perspective and tips on how to get through the day.Jaynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28989955.post-26277255447731482672007-03-24T06:04:00.000-07:002007-03-24T06:04:00.000-07:00In my own experience, I didn't mind being the prim...In my own experience, I didn't mind being the primary breadwinner in my marriage, but the role shift also put tremendous pressure on my (ex)spouse and I.<BR/><BR/>In addition to having to negotiate a male dominated and often sexist work environment (I worked as a hardware field engineer in IT, one of three women I knew within a HUGE company that did what I did), we had to write our own script for what happened at home: who did what work, what was *legitimate* work, *and* how does this kind of role reversal affect the way the individual thinks of themself as a man/woman?<BR/><BR/>For his part, I think he felt pressure to be *more* of a "real man" because I made significantly more money than him and that manifested in the form of gender policing behavior on his part toward me, and also in his own insecurities because he wasn't playing the role of breadwinner or caretaker. It was irrelevant that I never asked him to take care of me, because teh way that conforming power (normalizing power) operates is through how others treat you and how you read that...meaning others put pressure on him to conform to the way *normal people live* and made him feel less masculine because of it. Similarly my job required a LOT from me, and coming home after a looong day andd usually some on-call work meant I didn't always have much energy left to clean the house (traditional women's work) *and* cook, and so on...<BR/><BR/>At a base level, changing the roles we play domestically requires a solid re-thinking of how gendered very simple things have become, and also a critical redefinition of what constitutes "work" and "who" specifically is supposed to *do* that..<BR/><BR/>That said, as a woman who has often been a primary breadwinner in her life, I think that we need to recognize that "women's work" is, in fact, *work*...which this guy DOES acknowledge well. What he fails to see is that when women enter the workforce as primary breadwinners often they negotiate gendered roles at work, and also *at home* and that creates the added pressure.<BR/><BR/>Its not just having to work 40+ hours a week at a job, it's *doing* taht and then coming home to have to be a "traditional" mom (i.e. do the "women's work" as well) and somewhat not even *having* to do the traditional work, but feeling the pressure to do that as part of one's gender identity. Often times this operates invisibly (at a level that makes sense, like the fact that I often cooked because I was "better at it" whereas he had much more time to *learn to cook* and probably more energy at the end of the day to do that).<BR/><BR/>Anyways, thats just a few thoughts about someone who has been a primary breadwinner and the pressures that I faced in that environment *as a woman*. I won't even talk about the conversations we had about how I should *wear dresses* sometimes, or my feelings about pink cashmere sweaters.<BR/>-mMollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16698868250829818934noreply@blogger.com