Memo to ‘Game of Thrones’: Abusers Aren’t Heroes

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But, whether you blame the TV adaptation or the original text, the problem with Game of Thrones’ sexualized violence isn’t just the fact that it exists, or even that there’s lots of it. It’s the fact that the story itself often works to rationalize or justify that violence.

[SPOILER ALERT: This article contains major spoilers for the season finale.]

On Sunday night, Game of Thrones viewers tuned in to watch a man strangle his ex-girlfriend to death for hurting his feelings. The man in question is Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage), one of the few characters the show has ever encouraged us to side with unambiguously; the woman was Shae (Sibel Kekilli), a prostitute he’d hired on an exclusive basis back in the series’ first season. There has been plenty of heated coverage of the scene—including exclusive interviews with the actors, showrunners and A Song of Ice and Fireauthor George R. R. Martin, who originally wrote the twist—focusing on Tyrion’s motivations and what this means for his character going forward.

But, in all of that, no one seems willing to call the scene what it is: an act of partner abuse. And that’s due to some very tricky—and very dangerous —narrative work on behalf of the showrunners and George R. R. Martin. As viewers, we’re not only asked to rationalize Tyrion’s choice to physically harm his partner; we’re asked to believe that he did it out of “love.”

In the context of the show, Shae’s death is neither especially violent nor especially shocking. This is a series that delights in killing off major characters, after all, and the manner of her death can’t stand out as particularly gory on a show where we’ve seen people flayed, castrated and burned alive. (One major action scene this season featured a man popping his opponent’s skull like a watermelon at a Gallagher show. After that, choking someone to death seems downright polite.) Even so, the gender politics of the scene stand out as particularly nasty upon close examination, and the fact that most reviews have failed to note them says something even nastier about the effect Game of Thrones has on its audience’s sympathies.

The show has already come under fire for its sexism this year, especially in regard to a now-notorious rape scene, where the wicked queen Cersei Lannister (Lena Headey) is raped by her supposedly good-hearted brother-slash-lover Jaime (Nickolaj Coster-Waldau). Some were quick to condemn the show for departing from the books; Sonia Saraiya noted that the show had an established tendency to introduce scenes of violence against women where they weren't present in the original text.

Other critics, myself included, have pointed out that Game of Thrones’ tendency to use violence against women for cheap shock value is omnipresent throughout both the show and George R.R. Martin’s original writing. For example, while some fans argued that the TV series’ unambiguous rape scene between queen-in-exile Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) and the now-deceased Khal Drogo (Jason Momoa), began as an ambiguously “consensual” encounter between the two characters in the books, others maintained that it simply condensed the book's existing timeline, where, after a “consensual” wedding night (if you can ever call a sex scene between a little girl and the adult man to whom she’s been sold “consensual,” which, for the record, you cannot) Drogo begins routinely raping Daenerys until she somehow hones her sexual prowess to such an extent that he begins treating her nicely. Not only is the message of this plot line spectacularly retrograde in both versions—ladies! If you want your spouse to stop abusing you, just get really really good at giving him orgasms!—it’s arguably less offensive in the TV version. After all, in the show, Daenerys is played by an adult actress, and we’re not forced (as we are in the books) to confront the fact that an adult man chose to write with palpable, leering eroticism about the “stiffened,” “aching” nipples and copious vaginal “wetness” of a 13-year-old child.

But whether you blame the TV adaptation or the original text, the problem with Game of Thrones’ sexualized violence isn’t just the fact that it exists, or even that there’s lots of it. It’s the fact that the story itself often works to rationalize or justify that violence. Daenerys’ rape itself isn’t inherently problematic; however, a narrative about marital rape that blossoms into true love is a huge problem, because it inherently justifies the abuse of women and girls. Similarly, the issue with Shae’s death isn’t simply that she dies; it’s the message sent by her murder.

In some senses, the scene is presented as a tit-for-tat revenge killing. Shae has spent most of the show working as Tyrion’s personal prostitute. After Tyrion fires her, Shae gives false testimony against him at a rigged trial intended to convict him of the murder of his nephew, King Joffrey (Jack Gleeson). Finally, when Tyrion escapes from prison, he discovers that Shae has been sleeping with his father, Tywin Lannister (Charles Dance), who was responsible for rigging the trial. We’re encouraged to believe that Shae gave her testimony out of vindictiveness, and even that she’d be willing to murder Tyrion: When he catches her in Tywin’s bedroom, she picks up a knife (a detail not included in the books) which many viewers took to mean that he was acting in self-defense. Shae “betrays” Tyrion; Shae allies with Tyrion’s enemies; Shae threatens Tyrion’s life, both with her testimony and with the knife. Therefore, Shae has to die. Simple, right?

Well, no. The more you look at that line of reasoning, the less sense it makes. To start with, Shae wasn’t Tyrion’s girlfriend; she was his employee. She started having sex with him when he started paying her, and she stopped when he stopped. The show suggests genuine affection developing on Shae's part, but the fact is, seeming affectionate to Tyrion was part of Shae's job, and money never stopped changing hands. To suggest that Tyrion is entitled to any sort of continuing loyalty from Shae is a fundamental misunderstanding of the sex worker/client relationship. For that matter, judging Shae for having sex with Tyrion’s enemy when her job is to have sex with people is also nonsensical; it’s the equivalent of saying that a laid-off worker is a bad person for taking another job with a competing company. And finally, there’s the fact that Shae was taken captive by Tywin prior to the trial, and would most likely have been tortured or executed if she refused to provide sex, testimony against Tyrion or both. Essentially, this is a character who gets killed for the crime of not getting herself killed.

And if the show seemed willing to grapple with the complexities of that arc—if it had, for example, focused its storytelling on Shae’s life as a marginalized woman and the coercion she often endured—I might actually commend it. Even if the writers had presented her death as the inevitable result of societal misogyny and Tyrion’s personal feelings of entitlement to women’s bodies and their sympathy, they might have been making a praiseworthy point. But this is simply not the case. The story of the trial, and their relationship, remains entirely centered on Tyrion’s emotions. Ultimately, Shae’s death serves no narrative function but to underline the message that we ought to pity her murderer: She’s presented as a vindictive ex rather than a victim—one more instance of how the world is unfair to poor old Tyrion Lannister. A quick Twitter search pulls up dozens of comments like “She actually was a faithless whore,” “I’m so disappointed with Shae,” and “fuck that bitch,” confirming that the show’s efforts to confer viewer sympathies away from the victim and onto her killer are working for many.

Then, to add insult to injury, we’re expected to believe that he loves her. He’s shown weeping as he strangles her to death; he says “I’m sorry” to her corpse. In the very next scene, Tyrion confronts his father, gives a moving soliloquy about his love for Shae and promptly shoots Tywin to death with a crossbow for referring to her as a “whore.” It’s framed as a heroic act, a defense of Shae’s honor and value as a human being—which is to say, we’re asked to applaud a man for “defending” a woman he just beat and strangled to death in her bed for not liking him enough. Not only is this ludicrous, it renders Shae’s death purely gratuitous: She seems to have died solely to provide the emotional impetus for another, more narratively significant murder.

None of this is irrelevant. Women are killed by their partners or former partners at an alarming rate—40 percent of all female murder victims worldwide, in fact, are killed by the men they date or used to date. Even more are physically battered by them. These are the excuses we hear: That it was a crime of passion, that she brought it on herself, that she hurt him too, that he just couldn’t help himself. That he’s “sorry.” That he loved her. In Game of Thrones, the narrative works to make these excuses for Tyrion. By doing so, it actively contributes to the culture of abuse women have to live in—or die in.

Far too frequently, Game of Thrones asks us to excuse the men who perpetrate violence against women: To believe that Jaime “loves” Cersei though he raped her, that Drogo “loved” Daenerys though he raped her repeatedly, that Tyrion “loved” Shae in spite of his evident belief that she didn’t deserve to live if he didn’t get everything he wanted from their relationship. So the problem with Game of Thrones isn’t that it features misogynistic acts. It’s that it doesn’t always recognize the misogyny of those acts—and that it teaches its viewers to share that dangerously clouded view.

I am not going to try and justify Tyrion's murder of Shae, nor her actions against him - they were both in the wrong, during the trial and during the bedroom scene, respectively.

I WILL however ask if you actually bothered to read the books and watch the series, because your argumentation contains no less than TWO massive mistakes.

First, and most importantly, Tyrion was defending his WIFE, Tysha, against Tywin and killed him for calling her a whore - he never tried to defend Shae's honor there.

Second, in the series, as opposed to the books, Tyrion offered Shae a life in luxury and freedom across the narrow sea - and she refused in favour of staying with him. There was clearly more to their relationship than just paid sex, otherwise she would have jumped at the chance to live in luxury like that.

While I do not disagree entirely with your stance regarding Misogny in A Song of Ice and Fire (I have always been, and will always be, appalled by Daenerys' treatment at the hands of Drogo, as well as Robert's treatment of women in general), I do ask you to present the facts properly, instead of colouring the narrative in favour of your argument.

Otherwise, no one is going to listen to you, and you make a few very good points that more people SHOULD listen to.

Posted by Tieshaunn Tanner on 2014-07-13 12:41:58

Still, it surprised me that he killed her. Also look forward to next season. I've seen marketing materials, but I'm waiting patiently.

Posted by Karolina Witczak on 2014-06-26 03:43:14

It's clear that you have a definite agenda in writing this piece and you will twist every juicy morsel you can find in order to support your thesis of abuser/abused. Tyrion did love Shae, had stopped paying her a long time ago, was always incredibly concerned about her safety and went to great lengths to protect her. He sent her away fearing for her life not because the supposed payee/payer agreement which you cynically invoke had ceased to be valid. You conscious distortion of this important fact renders most of your argument nil and void. Furthermore you give little regard to Tyrion's damaged psyche by years of abuse at the hands of his father and sister. This is a man who has had to "pay" for love in the past having found Shae, who he believed truly loved him, was incredibly fulfilling. By all accounts he remained faithful and devoted to her throughout their relationship. The problem with the writing started when they decided to have Shae come back and testify against Tyrion. Not sure about the trajectory in the books but these were obviously horrible times for women and to constantly try and hold up the writing to contemporary standards of what is right and wrong does the series a disservice.

Posted by Josiane Ochman on 2014-06-24 11:47:57

All fantasy, no matter then genre or the era, must conform to a modern day moral code as it is continually adjusted on the fly and any deviation at all will be attacked. All period pieces must be rewritten to conform to this new code. All film and television will be re-edited to conform. All. No matter how unrealistic the moral code would be in the historical (or fantastical) era. No consideration to this will be given to any film or television work for any reason.

That's how I read this article, at least. It's like some people expect to have the right to prevent people from understanding the way things were done in a feudal society where a King could murder people at will and they just refuse to accept that showing those things does NOT mean condoning those things.

That is the key point. Showing an action in a film does not imply, at all, that the action is being condoned.

At all.

Posted by Jon on 2014-06-23 12:39:33

There's a lot of really good stuff in this article, but in places it seems to fall into the common trap of trying to construct a defence of Shae's behaviour rather than simply noting that under the most uncharitable reading of Shae's behaviour possibly, Tyrion's actions are still completely horrific, and evidence of a disgraceful misogynistic attitude.

Because it's obviously true that what Tyrion did was terrible, and that his about-face with his father over what to label the woman he just murdered is terribly difficult to swallow (I think the story's crime is closer to using Shae as a prop in their twisted father-son relationship rather than to try and make Tyrion out as a hero, but that still leaves Shae fridged, so either way neither the character nor the writers get a pass). Why do we have to construct such tendentious interpretations of Shae to get that point across? Suggesting her relationship with Tyrion was purely a business one is just to simply jettison entire aspects of the text - her refusing to take vast amounts money from Varys to stop sleeping with Tyrion being simply the most obvious, with her reactions to Tyrion's marriage being a close second. Pointing out the fact Shae might have been under duress when she testified against Tyrion ignores the sheer amount of detail and relish she put into the performance (Tyrion's "please don't" reads to me as a clear request from Shae to do the job without twisting the knife). And even if we pretend season three never happened and Shae really was just an employee, there's a difference between leaving an employer and heading for a competitor and leaving a company you professed to love after it goes bankrupt and immediately taking a job for the people that bankrupted it.

And none of this matters. None of it. If your beloved ex-girlfriend voluntarily fits you up for murder and then sleeps with the dad you hate, you're still a hideous human being for murdering her. That's what matters. Not how much of the text can be ignored and how much missing from the text can be extrapolated to try and cast Shae as undeserving of our dislike.

She was undeserving of her murder. Whoever and whatever she was, that remains true.

Posted by Ric Crossman on 2014-06-23 04:01:25

Nothing can 'justify' the murder, however given the context it is understandable. It's not as if he jauntily picked her out of crowd and cross bowed her like Joffrey would have delighted in doing. I do not think he intended to kill her either. We'll see next season how he lives though this one.

Posted by David Herz on 2014-06-22 14:55:41

This is a deeply disturbing piece. Another one for the thought police, for the armies of political correctness, for those who have chosen an agenda and are going to make sure that the world obeys, hews to and exemplifies that agenda. Has Ms. Doyle even looked at the show? Here we have a dwarf (uh oh, I'm sure that word is not PC either, should I describe him as height challenged? Anchondroplastically inclined?) who while fleeing for his life finds the woman of his life in his father's bed. He had earlier renounced his love for her, a considerable and painful sacrifice, to get her far from him and the fatal danger he and his family represented to her. After all Tywin had promised to hang any other 'whore' he found his son with. In previous episodes Tywin had repeatedly and most uncharacteristically for the men IN THIS SHOW shown his respect and mansuetude towards women, from protecting Sansa from the abuses of the despicable Jofrey to not forcing himself on Sanza, respecting her in every way once he was forced to marry her by his despicable father. That he should strangle Shae after she attempts to stab him and yell for help - though he had been in no way threatening her up until then- might merit some action on his part, that he strangle her in rage, frustration, desperation, and sadness might not be too hard to understand if perhaps you had experienced any one of these feelings individually or in combination. Passion and its unfortunate consequences are still part of our highly regimented lives.I think the author simply cherry picked this episode as ammunition for her agenda. I find this kind of journalism narrow-minded, self-serving, sanctimonious and just plain bad.

Try again.

Posted by David Herz on 2014-06-22 14:50:54

Sentence after sentence of cognitive distortion written with a jaundiced eye.

Posted by Brevity is... on 2014-06-21 20:06:14

The sheer amount of people on this comment board justifying the murder of a woman by her partner's hands--not self-defense, but murder--as tyrion was clearly MORE THAN CAPABLE of defending himself, and could easily have done so WITHOUT killing her--is further condemnation of this show and how it is continuing to brainwash people into believing the rape, abuse, and murder of women is deserving or justifiable. Makes me sick, and I sincerely hope I never run into any of these people in real life. Very well-written article.

Posted by zooms on 2014-06-21 16:10:57

Yep, women need to deal with abuse, not men.

Posted by Dana Petri on 2014-06-21 14:40:45

the comments justify everything you pointed out, and they don't even realize it lol.good piece

Posted by gameofshit on 2014-06-21 13:36:26

"strangle his ex-girlfriend to death for hurting his feelings."

"Hurt his feelings?" Did you miss the part where SHE FALSELY TESTIFIED AGAINST HIM IN COURT, CONVICTING HIM TO DEATH? And then she pulled a knife on him?

Jesus. Seems like you saw a chance to make a cliched and by-the-numbers culture war blog post and took it, facts be damned.

Posted by Mister_Misinformed on 2014-06-20 15:11:16

"As Sady said, what do you think would have been done to her if she'd refused to say exactly what Tywin (and Cersei) wanted her to say? "

That's just it though, Tyrion knew that Tywin and Cersei were coming after her, that's why he broke up with her, and tried to send her off to Essos, in a cabin that he would personally finance as the Master of Coin. He kept trying to send her away, and warned her what Tywin already did to Tyrion's first wife, that she was gang raped by his soldiers as Tyrion was forced to watch, but she never took his word seriously. She believed that Tyrion betrayed her to be with Sansa, when in reality he never slept with her or even kissed her, so she instead chose to stay and get vengeance against him, for a wrong he never committed.

"I am a whore,' remember?"

If you listen to that line during the trial, and watch her expression, it's clear that she's giving that testimony to hurt him, not to save herself.

Posted by Derek_R on 2014-06-20 02:53:35

" She lied about their relationship to humiliate him, after he ended their relationship to save her life."

Yeah, it's all about Tyrion's feels. Of course, that just successfully ignores Shae's actual status in Westeros -- not to put too fine a point on it, she's a low-born foreign whore who is worth less than a side of beef. As Sady said, what do you think would have been done to her if she'd refused to say exactly what Tywin (and Cersei) wanted her to say? She'd have been sent on her way with their thanks, a full purse and safe passage to wherever she wanted to go?

I get that Tyrion, like Jaime, are fan-favourites who get a pass to abuse women -- at least, those deemed horrible bitches like Shae and Cersei -- and the show (and fandom) are willing to write them out a pass every damn time. But that doesn't mean the rest of us have to play along.

Posted by Craig_Ranapia on 2014-06-19 15:50:13

Yeah, I mean where the hell did Shae get off defending herself? I'm sorry, but I think you've actually made Sady's point for her -- and if Tyrion was that concerned about his survival, then why the hell was he trying to find his father (or taking the time to murder Shae instead of, I don't know, just knocking her unconscious) instead of hauling arse out of King's Landing.

Posted by Craig_Ranapia on 2014-06-19 15:39:23

Also someone should point out that Shae gave false testimony at Tyrions trial implicating him and Sansa in the murder of Joffrey, and never mind that Tyrion told Shae in season one that Tywin had Lannister soldiers rape his first wife in front of him to prove to him that she was a whore.

Shae had sex with Tywin so that they could both insult him, after he was sentenced to be decapitated on charges they both knew were false, and they both took part in implicating him.

Tywin had always hated Tyrion irrationally because he was a dwarf, and blamed him die his mother's death in child birth, wanting to drown him in a river as an infant, but never being allowed due to their religious customs against kin killing, and his obsession with his legacy.

Posted by Derek_R on 2014-06-18 22:40:21

Whatever, get over it. Such a silly article, wasted time reading it.

Posted by Derek on 2014-06-18 18:15:03

Thank you so, so much for writing this piece. " So the problem with Game of Thrones isn’t that it features misogynistic acts. It’s that it doesn’t always recognize the misogyny of those acts—and that it teaches its viewers to share that dangerously clouded view." Thank you.

Posted by Rachel on 2014-06-18 16:57:30

You misrepresent the television narrative in this piece. Shae is not paid by Tyrion in the television series and is not his prostitute. In fact, she exclaims multiple times that she is not a whore and that she belongs to Tyrion and he belongs to her. The reason for their initial falling out is that Tyrion sends her away to protect her after Varys informs him that his sister knows about her and intends to have her killed. This is just bad writing and deliberate misinformation to make the narrative meet your prejudice regarding the series and George RR Martin. Shame on you.

Posted by Shania Davis on 2014-06-18 15:40:40

I completely agree that the Jaime/Cersei narrative and Drogo's horrific treatment of Daenrys are entirely harmful to the perception of women, and it should stop, but the author here has clearly no idea what they are talking about regarding Tyrion and Shae: she betrayed him and her testimony was ultimately the final nail in his coffin for the verdict that would sentence him to death. She lied about their relationship to humiliate him, after he ended their relationship to save her life. He was not in a stable state of mind, and ultimately he killed her in an act of vengeance , not because he did not receive "everything he wanted" sexually, as this article claims. A dire interpretation of the of the Tyrion/Shae dynamic, otherwise, spot on.

Posted by Che on 2014-06-18 15:15:03

Sorry but she had it coming. Also if you expect a fantasy show to conform with your morals, you need to watch a different show or get over it. It only gets worse from here on out. deal with it.

Posted by metronomic1 on 2014-06-18 11:02:06

Sady, I'm not sure there'd be much point in trying to have a discussion with you about this subject because as you've written previously, you have little regard for GRRM and fans of ASOIF, so this, I think, would not be a good starting point. However, I will say this; what irks me the most about the way you portray my blog post; i.e. by implying that I am one of the people who is in favour of salacious tales of grown men raping children (http://www.thegoktor.com/did-k..., is that I spent a long time researching the main subject of that piece - essentially about marital rape and the age of consent in *today's* world, and yet you mention nothing of *that*, preferring instead to cite my blog as 'proof' of the wrongness of not only GRRM's work but that of fans of ASOIAF too. In so doing, I feel that you have grossly misrepresented me to further your own aims. Surely you could have found someone else's work which better suited your purpose?

Posted by TheGoktor on 2014-06-17 23:46:11

I usually agree with your posts on pop-culture TV. But this time, you're a bit off. Did you watch the scene? He went to that room expecting to find his father in bed. Tyrion was suprised to see her in his father's bed, and that mad him mad, but she DREW A KNIFE ON HIM and was trying to stab him! Nevermind the fact that he was a wanted man and her screaming would end his freedom for sure... Sometimes a situation is what it is -- it is NOT a subtle political statement.

The whole series is clearly mysoginistic in many ways,but I think you are looking for something here that is not there. There wasn't a "message" sent via her death. And I don't think we are supposed to excuse his violence. Murder is murder. But this is the nature of this show -- characters are dark, troubled, and sometimes do terrible things that they will later regret.

I do not disagree with your broader take on the ubiquitous violence against women in this show. But this one scene is not the same as Drogo, or Jamie and Cerci, or even the Red Wedding. This was survival.