Denial is my way to cope with breast cancer!

Okay, I must admit that now that it has been three weeks to the day from my surgery I still feel like I was run over by a truck. As the surgeons tried to prepare me for the 14-hour surgery by telling me all the details, I instead told them I was 42, extremely healthy and strong and always recovered quickly. After all, I had a lumpectomy with node removal and tossed the Vicodin the day I left the hospital and after my emergency C- section never slowed down. (Mind you, I was elated with the birth of a miracle child so that might have lessened the physical pain a bit!). They tried to explain I really had no idea what I was in for, but I still ignored the big facts preferring to focus on my well being than all the things I could not change about the surgery itself.

I had my surgery 12 days after finding out that I had a new cancer in my breast. As many of you know, that requires a combined effort of about 30 people, doctors, family, friends, tests, etc. In that week I had two pre-op visits with an oncology surgeon, a plastic surgeon, and oncologist, two MRIs, many digital mammograms, and echocardiogram and a stress echocardiogram (to determine the effects the three previous chemotherapies may have had on my heart), a pre-op clearance, and many types of lab work. I was actually excited to sleep for the surgery since I hadn’t had any in almost two weeks.

I bow to the woman who have been through this before me and who will complete it after. I laughed with my plastic surgeon when I told him our “honeymoon” was over after he cut me into a million pieces and he told me I was much more fun when I wasn’t complaining about not being able to breathe daily for a week when I was in Intensive Care.

The hardest part for me is that even if I feel well enough to care for myself I cannot pick up my young daughter, bathe her or do the basic loving things that mammas do. However, having only just turned 3, I tried to use the best communication I could by never speaking the word “cancer” in front of her. I told her several days in advance that I had a boo boo in my breast that our friend (my surgeon, who she actually knows) was going to fix. I told her I would be a little tired for a while and she said, “I know Mamma”. I asked her if she also knew I would be fine after all this was over and she confidently replied, “yes.” After all this preparation, on the morning before my surgery she woke up, came to my bed and snuggled with me and said, “Mama, today you are going to the hosdidal to have surgery to fix your breasts.” How did I think for a second I could hide any of my own prognosis from her. Luckily, she has my resiliency and gave me a hug, told me to get better quickly and that she loved me with her whole heart!

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Suzette Lipscomb

Suzette Lipscomb has done the cancer dance twice in her young life. Originally diagnosed with an aggressive form of invasive ductal breast cancer at 36, she endured six long months of chemotherapy and then...read more