Life Lesson 68Where do I start? As a happy writer, an extroverted-introvert, who is not manic or depressed, bitter or unrealistic, I am on the brink of another Life Lesson. As I begin this post, I do not know what that lesson is just yet.When I was young, blonde, curvy, and a cheerleader, I worked hard to be taken seriously going as far as to try to wear less revealing clothes, coloring my hair a little darker and slowly squeezing the life out of my personality until I was more balanced in the eyes of others, a more sober minded individual who created trust just by walking into a room. The deaths of my parents helped send me farther down that road by draining some more life out of me. Loss muted the colors of me. Moving 27 times, a husband at war, heartbreak, serious illness, more loss of life and a friend's murder took their toll on me, but I am still stirring things up and living with energy.

I am the happiest I have been in years living a life that is the closest to what I have wanted for myself so far. The result of this happy time in my life is that I smile all the time, laugh often, and feel the energy of happiness in the way I move and talk.The odd thing about it is that the happier I am, the more attractive I feel, the more feminine, the less I am taken seriously. If I laugh with abandon and smile for no reason, the more I get the sexual innuendo commentary or cocky smirky flirtation instead of the acknowledgement as an equal that I deserve. I don't have much patience for that. First, I allow a resolved sigh to escape my lips. Then, with a narrowing of the eyes, a removal of that person or situation in a simple "walk away and talk to someone else" maneuver occurs.I used to try to prove myself to everyone, but I no longer feel the need to do that. I move on much quicker and the personal knowledge that I am a smart capable woman is enough for me. And YET, something still needs to happen here, what is the lesson taking shape in my brain?It is a woman's dilemma to balance the feminine sexy woman with the smart capable woman in one person. Easy enough, we all have our strengths, but what happens when we add the third component of personality? The woman who is vivacious, full of life and shows it with a big smile can come across as dare I say it, ditzy. What?? Especially, if that smart capable smiling woman is curvy...look out.It infuriated me when I was young not to be taken seriously, so I purposely tried to smother the vivacious part in an attempt to be counteract the effect my curves or big smile had on others. Smiling can come across as vapid or ignorant to some.In fact, some of the intellectual crowd make an effort to be curmudgeonly, and as if a testament to their brain power, some affect an air of superiority.I googled vapid and the act produced this google definition. vap·idˈvapid/adjectiveadjective: vapid

So then, I am clearly not vapid, and I refuse to stop smiling brightly when I feel great, dressing in color and softness, or to stop laughing out loud. I bring color and smiles with me into a room. I also bring experiences, intellect, insight, and a good attitude. After writing through this dilemma and choosing to remain a smiling vivacious woman risking possible disrespect, woe to the man or woman who treats me with disdain. I will simply not play with you. Schoolyard rules.I will also own that I choose happiness, vivaciousness, and smiling, and more importantly, I choose to try to be the best version of myself.And here is where I laugh out loud in a maniacal scientist kind of way with a duh duh duhn from the soundtrack. End scene. Life Lesson 68 Own who you really are.Writing without a net,