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04 December 2011

Chain Letter 2010 - REVIEW

There are so many things about horror films these days that disturb me and not in a good way. I'd really like someone to explain to me why filmmakers take iconic actors, good actors, dare I say even great actors, and stick them in roles that are beneath them. Is it to bring in an older audience? Is it because they idolized them as children? Or is it because they actually watched their film and realized just how shitty it was and decided they needed something else?

A group of high school friends all receive a chain e-mail claiming that someone close to them will soon die if they fail to keep the message circulating. At first Jessie Campbell (Nikki Reed) thought it might just be a sick joke, but when her friends break the chain and people start to die, she realizes it's only a matter of time until the Chain Man comes to claim her, too.

I'm completely over the whole cliché high school cast. You know, the cast that's suppose to be in their teens but are actually laughably in their mid-twenties. It's ridiculous! Filmmakers, I'm sure there are teenagers out there who would LOVE to get their start in your below average horror film. Take the time to look for them! I suppose most of the blame here can be put on the writer. Not one single character was developed enough for an audience to want to root for them. We're introduced to them, then they're gone, killed in some violent, grotesque manner. Brad Dourif and Keith David do the best they can with the laughable script they were given. I'm not a Betsy Russell fan at all. Yes, I know she's a member of the beloved Saw franchise, I just don't think she's that great of an actress. Let the hate mail ensue... you could even send me a chain letter if you'd like. I promise I won't forward it and you can send the evil, technology hating blacksmith Michael Bailey Smith to get me.

Which brings me to my next question... what the fuck was the point of this film?? Were they trying to convey the message that those who give up their privacy in trade for the newest, most convenient technology don't deserve safety? Is that message even relevant this day in age? Ok that's two questions but don't we all know that there are giant masked men with bloody faces wrapped in gauze who are members of a technology hating cult out there waiting to get us. Jesus Christ I feel like a dumbass just typing that! If deleting every chain email or text you get is motive for a gruesome death, I'd have been dead about 1000 times over. Hmm, I wonder if that's what hell is like? Dammit, I hope I didn't just give someone an idea for another dig my eyeballs out with a spoon film. If I did, I apologize. Feel free to send me a chain letter. Heh, I think that'll be my new catch phrase whenever I say something offensive and piss someone off. (I'd be saying that A LOT!) So, if for some reason you're still not convinced to never bother turning on this shitfest, don't say I didn't warn you. Yes, the first 5 minutes or so may make you reconsider but trust me, it's all down hill from there. It's sloppily done, badly written and honestly my 6 year old could've executed it better. Given that I am the "Gore Whore", I will admit that there are some really great effects but it's still not enough to save it.