SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

I just found out about my WS's infidelity last week. It was a shock to say the least. Although her OP relationship has been fairly brief, she has disclosed that she had become extremely close with him emotionally and was beginning to fall in love with him.

“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so."

Posts: 1224 | Registered: Dec 2013

wantreallove♀ 37534Member # 37534

Posted: 12:00 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013

Since you are new I wanted to mention the healing library in the upper left corner. It has many good reads especially about things in the beginning. It sounds like your WW is going through the normal stages. I remember my WH saying he was NC but then he would contact because he "couldn't be so mean as to not let her down gently." Really?!?! He had to do some reading and C of his own to start to get it.

Also I totally get the feeling of being greatfull that she is willing to R but please don't forget that she too she be greatfull that YOU are willing to forgive her A and work on R. (((hugs)) This isn't easy for some people to hear but please try to remember that you have been hurt and she needs to help YOU too.

Depressed Daddy,
Welcome to SI. Sorry you find yourself here with the rest of us, but you will find a lot of support, comfort & wisdom here.

I strongly suggest that you read

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=514479
(Calling all BSs by Nomadlady in General---I just bumped it for you)

It puts your situation in a nutshell

It sounds like you are blaming yourself for your WW's A. It is not your fault. All marriages go thru ups & downs, times of distance, but you both took a vow to ride it out thru thick & thin.
You did not hold a gun to her head & force her to cheat. She allowed herself to do it because something is broken inside of her.
Would she be willing to join SI & read/post in the WW forum?

Your #1 priority right now is to take care of you. You might want to read some of the threads in Just Found Out, (Great Posts for Newbies, Tactical Primer, Boundaries & Consequences, & 20/20 Hindsight.)

All of us BSs know exactly how you feel, & we have your back. Sending you strength

Just adding to the first reply - she does need to realize the gravity and impact of her behavior. I remember also being glad and grateful my h chose me, but I also had to recognize my own value in the relationship. For me I over empathize with my h - which doesn't help him make a clear choice, because my empathy is misplaced and in the end gives him too much power. If people are having marital problems they need to turn toward each other rather than away - there is always that option, which your wife did not take. I hope she realizes what she has risked losing.

Married 9 years, together for 14
Me: BS Him: chronic boundary issues, EA for 2 years, DD Spring 2013

Posts: 211 | Registered: Nov 2013

DepressedDaddy♂ 41521Member # 41521

Posted: 12:47 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013

Thank you for the replies! The link to the other thread was great. The risk post was of most help to me at this time. My WW has shown remorse and has taken responsibility for the event, but I do realize that the risk is still there and that is what I am preparing myself for. She has given me access to everything I have asked for. She has honored my requests up to this point. She has taken fault for the A. For these things, I can have hope, but I also know that she could tell me tomorrow that the relationship is done or I find out that she has been continuing the A.

Although this was my first post, I have read a ton of the stuff on this site and it has been extremely helpful. I really appreciate this site.

Since D I have become DDaddy 2.0 - or better known as DevotedDaddy

“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so."

Posts: 1224 | Registered: Dec 2013

LosferWords♂ 30369Member # 30369

Posted: 1:48 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013

DepressedDaddy - Hello, and welcome to SI! I'm glad you've found us, but I'm sorry for the circumstances that have brought you here.

You will find a lot of support and a lot of good resources to help you through.

There is also a thread down in the ICR (I Can Relate) section of this web site called "Betrayed Men", if you would like to seek additional support and camaraderie down there.

One week out is a very rough time. Hang in there, and please take care of yourself. Make sure you drink plenty of water, and eat whenever you can. Exercise and physical activity helps immensely as well.