Passions

I have found nothing about which I feel passionate. It is as if the passion has been sucked out of me, or perhaps, used up. There just hasn’t been anything which has truly gotten my dander up since I have gotten back. That doesn’t mean that I haven’t had my moments of frustration and confusion. But there has been a noticeable lack of anger, of righteous indignation, of fear, of love. I have experienced only lackluster feelings of nonplusdom. I find it extremely difficult to get worked up about anything. Now I have been able to call upon those infamous reserves and outwardly approximate what could pass for enthusiasm. But it seems to be a mask I put on for the sake of appearances. Most of the time, I really don’t care; it doesn’t really matter; I could go either way. It is very weird for me not to care. It’s just that most of what I have seen people care about are the things that don’t matter or that they can’t do anything about. I seem to ask myself if I really want to waste my energy getting all worked up about something, and the answer seems to be a resounding, “No.” This might seem like the ideal way of life for some, but it’s not for me. I like the rush of emotion, the unpredictability of situational emotions, that feeling of being alive. Going through life as an automaton isn’t living as far as I am concerned. But I think it falls under my need to balance out the world. I have seen far too many violent reactions over the stupidest of things. One person yelled and screamed because the scanner overcharged them 40 cents, and they started with yelling and screaming. There was no polite request, it was just blow up now. The guy behind us in the drive-thru coffee place had his windows rolled up, and we could hear him shouting his frustration because he had to wait a couple of minutes while we got our coffee. We have heard that an angry lifestyle will enhance our risk of heart attack or stroke and that high stress contributes to many other diseases. But I’m not really concerned with that. What I am concerned with is the person on the receiving end of our anger and frustration. Many times we forget that there is even another person present as we give vent to all the rage that has built up inside us. We see them as the company or the bureaucracy. Unfortunately, some people are just that, but there are other people who are working for some conglomerate because they have to make ends meet. Not only are they being taken advantage of by the company they work for, which is probably paying minimum wage, but they are also the people who are on the receiving end of everyone’s anger. They get pressure from the top – sell more, come in 15 minutes early but don’t clock in until the hour, don’t work overtime but do stay until your job is done. They get pressure from the consumer – this isn’t the right color, there are too many buttons on this, your store sold me this shabby product on sale, and I want a refund… Now, I don’t want anyone to misunderstand me. If you feel like someone or some company has done you wrong, then, by all means, you should let them know. Companies and corporations won’t give you anything out of the goodness of their hearts – they have no hearts. They are not living beings. They are non-living entities whose singular goal is to make the greatest profit possible with the least possible expenditures. They like to hide behind their many employees, so being nice won’t get you anywhere. I am just asking that the next time you experience someone enforcing bad company policy, try starting off nice. If you are lucky, you will be able to get what is fair without sacrificing your humanity and dignity to the god of wrath. Remember that you are dealing with a person first, and if that doesn’t work, and you have to be the squeaky wheel, make sure that you not only take it out on the employee and the store manager, but also on the CEO of the company. The CEO may not read his or her mail, but he or she deserves your anger more than the peon who is making minimum wage. If you are the peon making minimum wage or just above (I can say that because I have been there and will probably be going back), smile, do everything that you can, then hand it off to your manager. Life may not be compassionate, but that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t be.

There is still something not quite right – maybe not even quite sane – about a working life led at night. -A. Alvarez