If America must be Socialist . . .

Americans voted for Big Government when they re-elected Barack Obama. Anyone with half an IQ point knows that means Socialism. Socialism, here we come. It’s inevitable now.

What is Socialism, exactly? Free health care, generous retirement, welfare, food stamps, free education, and housing assistance are features of socialist countries around the world.

Of course, you give up something: you have high taxes, more taxes, lots of regulation on people and business (possibly even government ownership,) and a less vigorous economy.

On the bright side, we won’t need Republicans. We can go right to a dictatorship. Whoever controls the Democrats will control the country. That’s pretty much true now, anyway.

Let’s outdo Sweden. We’ll institute a VAT tax of 25%. Like them, we’ll exempt food and utilities, but it takes money to run a socialist system, so cars and houses will cost 25% more right off the bat. We’ll raise personal taxes to about 60% of income. That gives the worker a cool 40% to live on. Oh, wait, I said let’s outdo Sweden: let’s go to 30% VAT and a 65% income tax, leaving us 35%.

We can make this work with free health care. Obamacare isn’t socialist enough. We need free health care. How do we make this work? Vouchers. This Republican idea has real potential. The government gives everyone a voucher to cover health insurance, which they must buy. No problem with pre-existing conditions. Health care costs go up? Just increase the voucher amount. Let people buy insurance on the open market, let them keep the difference between what they pay and their voucher amount. That will keep costs down.

I know health care takes a lot of money. We’re already spending BIG on health care, but let’s do it right by going to one plan for everyone. No more Medicare, Medicaid, Federal Employees Health Plan, TriCare (military personnel and retirees), VA, or Indian Health. No more special plan for Congress and elected government officials. No more state plans. Put everyone on one really big plan.

Food stamps? Let’s make them universal. Let’s say no one can buy food with anything but food stamps, so everyone goes on food stamps. Rich and poor alike. Oh wait, there won’t be nearly as many rich. Let’s just say poor alike.

Free education? Who needs it? The government is taking care of everything. No need to go into the workforce and compete, just do whatever simple job they give you. Free education just needs to go to about the 6th grade. You merely need to be smart enough to fill out government forms for freebies.

Welfare should be handled carefully. If we give people too much, they won’t want to work and get their 35%. So, let’s put in a few restrictions. When you go on welfare, the government will confiscate your car or pickup truck. The environmentalists will love that – less auto exhaust, less global warming. To compensate, we’ll give everyone free bus transportation (with unlimited transfers).

Free housing? Yes, but you’ll have to live on what the government gives you. Maybe we can build a lot of Soviet-style apartment buildings – they look so great against the skyline. To do things right, the government might have to take total ownership of every home in America.

Retirement? Here’s how we can outdo Social Security and solve the nursing home problems at the same time: we just double or triple the capacity of our prisons. It’s a crime to grow old anyway, so give everyone free room and board there. Add a few bossy nurses and voila! We have an assisted living environment.

These are just a few ideas as to how to make the best of a Socialist system. There are many more things we can do. We might use the most Socialist country, North Korea, as our objective. A more realistic goal is Cuba. But, Sweden is a pretty good country to emulate. Let’s do Sweden on steroids. Lead on, Barack.