SCORPIO (October 23 — November 21)

Dear Scorpio, have a happy birthday! I know feeling your own mortality creeping up on you can make you real blue, but fret not. It creeps up on all of us. This month seek consolation in the fact that on some of us it creeps up more than on others. Like your chain-smoking neighbour. Or the reckless bus driver. Think of them whenever you feel blue. It’ll make the slow march a little easier.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 — December 21)

Time is short, Sagittarius, so make sure you think about yourself this month, and then act on these thoughts. Really focus, though, and be critical as to what you can feasibly achieve in this life. Considering that everything will, sooner or later, blow up in your face, you should carefully consider what’s really worth your time.

CAPRICORN (December 22 — January 19)

Oh girl, this is the month you really can’t trust yourself. Whatever instincts you might have, question them, and then question them once more. With Mercury in your 12th house, your head will be full of weird kind of thoughts and the urge to swerve into the oncoming traffic will be stronger than ever.

AQUARIUS (January 20 — February 18)

With Mars in your 1st house, this is the time to give a little love to the world. What I’m saying is that while being a cold fish might keep you safe and comfortable, we’re ultimately all alone in this world. There’s no point in putting extra distance between you and the people around you.

PISCES (February 19 — March 20)

You know these thoughts you have about death and the beyond? Indulge. November is a dark and rainy month and the general aura will strengthen your creative impulses. Who knows, if you don’t procrastinate too much, it might even inspire you to make something transcendental.

ARIES (March 21 — April 19)

Be patient, dear Aries. You have the headstrong Mars in your 11th house this month. Not everyone in your friendship group is happy to oblige and bend to your will, but you are better off with them rather than without them. Inching towards death is easier with your friends around.

TAURUS (April 20 — May 20)

November is a low-key month for the steadfast Taurus. You’re firmly on your way towards nothingness and nothing can upset your plans and projects in the meantime. So relax and have some fun!

GEMINI (May 21 — June 20)

As your ruling planet reels through your 7th house this month, you will need to think a little more than usual. Try to focus on the one thing that’s been defining your relationships lately and control your fear of mortality. Death’s coming for us all, so you might as well accept that and focus on the problem at hand.

CANCER (June 21 — July 22)

Uh oh, Cancer, with Venus in your 7th house this month you have a lot of love to give. As long as you don’t focus on the past too much and respect other people’s privacy a little more than feels natural to you, you will be happy as larry. Just keep in mind that love, like life itself, don’t last.

LEO (July 23 — August 22)

Out of all the signs in the zodiac, dear Leo, you’re the one most likely to act on things when you feel like act you should. Right now, you feel like something is slowing you down. But time’s short, so slowing down isn’t gonna get your money’s worth. I’m talking spiritual dollars here. Whatever it is you’ve been feeling you should do, do it now, before it’s too late.

VIRGO (August 23 — September 22)

Hey Virgo, have you been taking your chill pills lately? Cos your people will be driving you up the wall this month, tapping right into your proclivity to bitch and whine about the least important things. You know it’s not worth it, though. Soon, they’ll all be gone. As will you.

LIBRA (September 23 — October 22)

Love is in the air, Libra! Admittedly, not in the places you might expect, but what ever is?! So embrace the love your parents have for you. Love thy neighbour. You have a lot in common with all those humans in your life: you’re all on your way to the beyond. You might as well do some bonding and make the trip more fun.

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Alexa Leika

Always in need of more parties, Alexa is a film enthusiast with a terrible case of l’appel du vide. Though undoubtedly Polish, she mostly thinks and writes in English, which is the only feature she shares with Conrad, sadly. With a degree in Politics and Human Rights, she tries to incorporate her expensive education into her work wherever possible, though sometimes she just prefers to talk about sex and the zodiac. Motto: So it goes.