This is probably my best draft-skip so far and I am now trying to get good review on it so I can polish it to the max and possibly post it on the main Site (if I can get the damn Images working) or abandoning it for good. You can check it out on my SB-Site under Title 2:Parasitic Organism. And here is the link: http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/dr-skyer-s-sandbox-of-fail

I still don't know should I change Object Class to Keter because of the plausible danger that it poses to the world if coming into contact with a water source connected to an ocean. And if anyone can fix the Images they have my permission to do so. (I would be so grateful!)

I think I finally got it right. Oh, and look! The images are working! *yaay* Thanks for your help. Now the only thing I want right now is a Final Verdict; should I post my skip on the main Site or abandon it?

SCP-XXXX is to be kept in a standard high-value safe in Site-██'s Bio-Research Lab water-insulated room at temperatures below -4 degrees Celsius at all times.

So first, we kept it in a safe in Site Blackbox (it'd be nice to know where we kept this thing, you know), but now we're keeping it in a safe in a water-insulated room?

SCP-XXXX must always be put into a new transparent polymer after testing and then stored back to its designated safe.

This is a run-off sentence.

SCP-XXXX is to be fed on a weekly basis with a high calorie diet.

Some examples on what to feed a liquid would be nice.

Only personnel with Clearance Level-3 or higher are permitted to interact with SCP-XXXX.

Because we only permit O5, site directors, and researchers to interact with a Euclid-class SCP, and not D-Class.

Description:SCP-XXXX is a black semi-liquid substance composed of microorganisms and [DATA EXPUNGED].

Spacing after description. Also, that expungment is still bad. What could it possibly be made of that we can't know about? Element #190, which causes mini black holes or something?

SCP-XXXX is a sentient living mass which moves with flagella with which the entity can cling onto almost any surface.

And this doesn't contradict the previous sentence how?

When SCP-XXXX comes into contact with an organism (further referred as the Host)

We tend to say "subject" around here?

SCP-XXXX will then enter

SCP-XXXX will then find

The entity will then

Notice how these three sentences pretty much start in the same way. Having writing like this breaks the flow and makes sentences sound redundant.

SCP-XXXX will then find a suitable place to "nest" itself.

You can't just have words in quotation marks and expect me to understand what you mean.

The entity will then cut away a portion of itself (called SCP-XXXX-1) and send it to the Host's genital area in order to collect genetic material which will later be configured to match the entity's genome and where it will feed of the surrounding tissue and organs in order to gain enough matter to reproduce.

Can you read this sentence in one breath? No? That means it's too long, and that there are no commas or anything to smooth it.

nd send it to the Host's genital area in order to collect genetic material

The hell do you mean by genetic material? All cells of living organisms have genomes, which contain the genetics of an organism.

SCP-XXXX will also send a portion of itself to the host's brain where it will produce larger amounts of testosterone.

Why does the part in the genitals get a designation, but not this one?

This ensures that the Host doesn't feel any pain nor seek clinical help.

Sounds like a morbid nature film, meaning this isn't the best tone.

The original SCP-XXXX will then exit through the mouth by making the host vomit thus repeating the cycle.

Repeating the cycle? What cycle, it's reproduction?

SCP-XXXX-1 after gaining enough matter will then start to eat the host's body whole.

Sentence I don't understand why you wrote it like this.

If not provided with sufficient food the entity will forcefully enlarge in size in order to seek out food.

What does it eat? "Genetic material"?

Also, you could really put some commas in this.

If a surgery is attempted to remove the entity, it will trigger a defense mechanism, in most cases it will move to the brain where it will rupture and infect nearby organisms.

So it goes to the Host's brain, "ruptures" (doesn't that verb only apply to non-liquid things) and goes into other people's mouths.

Gross? Yes. Logical? Eh, less so.

between ██ and ████ units which are identical to the original entity.

It'd be good to know how much it can produce so we would be able to prepare accordingly.

If SCP-XXXX comes into contact water it will spread from the center of the contaminated area in a radius of 40 km on land at the speed of three (3) meters per second and in water spread as long as there is uncontaminated water. Note that if a smallest portion of the entity comes into a water source linked to an ocean the outcome would be of catastrophic proportions. Transfer to a different Site is still pending review.

Yeah, we got SCP-505, it does this. Nothing wrong about that, but it's much more underwhelming in your description.

while it was being under microscopic analysis

bad grammar

The entity quickly spread throughout the whole Bio-Lab resulting in deaths of all personnel present in the lab at the time.

What kind of fool put it near a water source that was connected throughout the whole facility?

Note: Security tapes have shown SCP-XXXX literally grasping into ███████'s glass of water. It seems that SCP-XXXX will try to get to a nearest water source to reproduce at a faster rate. I suggest we don't drink around it.- Dr. Skyer [[include component:image-block name=SCP-XXXX-1 in water|caption=SCP-XXXX in water.|width=300px]]

Da hell you mean grasping into water

Obvious self-insert is obvious

Screwed up format at the bottom of this aragraph

You're restating presented facts

Final Verdict

It's either black goo or a sentient living mass, you say it's both. And it does some really icky stuff in the human body.

The squick kind of got to me, but the writing could use some work. I feel like you could put more work into really freaking out people with this, and you're pretty much obligated to since we have stuff slightly similar to this.

I am not saying you should post this after you fix all the issues. Get feedback from more people, namely experience authors. I can't think of a good hook for this right now, but with one you could get it mainlisted.

You should go to chat and get it reviewed, and if that doesn't fix everything, you can always PM other staff members. We're here to help.

Fixed everything that was mentioned in the review and added some new small stuff which shouldn't oppose a threat to the article. Changed some data on the images and expungements. Should have quality now. Edited other stuff to make more sense.

SCP-XXXX is to be kept in a standard high-value safe in Site-██'s Bio-Research Lab.

Standard low-value safes were just not cutting it. Also this thing is alive. If the Foundation wants to keep it alive it can't just lock it in a safe.

In light of Incident Report-XXXX-01 SCP-XXXX is to be kept in a water-insulated room at temperatures below -4 degrees Celsius at all times.

What. Accelerando already pointed this sentence out. Why did you not fix it? Why if this thing is dangerous when it's place in water would we water-insulate the room? Are air conditioners not enough?

SCP-XXXX must always be put in the container it was found in and stored back into its designated containment chamber.

This sentence doesn't need to be here. The Foundation is not staffed by idiots who return Keter-class black goo to the lunch room refrigerator.

Any sort of product made by SCP-XXXX is to be incinerated immediately.

I assume this means that SCP-Whatever is responsible for 85% of what's seen on Regretsy.

Seriously though this is bad writing. The Foundation may need to test samples of whatever is meant by "products" so that they understand this thing better.

SCP-XXXX is to be fed on a weekly basis with a high calorie diet. The most suitable diet for the entity are large amounts of raw meat.

What. This is an entity suddenly? Also what constitutes a "large amount" of raw meat in this context? Why is raw meat considered high-calorie?

Only D-Class personnel are permitted to interact with SCP-XXXX under controlled conditions.

As opposed to uncontrolled conditions.

Also why are the researchers, the highly qualified scientists, not allowed to handle this stuff?

If SCP-XXXX breaches containment the affected area is to be burnt thoroughly.

How? How are we going to burn water?

SCP-XXXX is a black semi-liquid sentient substance composed of microorganisms and chemical compounds; concentrated nitrogen acid with enzyme additions (how enzymes can survive in acid is still unknown), carbon and calcium.

How do we know this stuff is sentient?

Also enzymes can survive in acidic environments all the goddamn time. In your small intestine at this very moment enzymes are at work in an acidic environment. What is "nitrogen acid"?

The entity moves using flagella with which the entity can cling onto almost any surface.

When SCP-XXXX comes into contact with an organism (further referred as the Subject) it will expand until the Subject becomes encased by SCP-XXXX entirely.

"Subject" need not be capitalized.

Te entity will then enter the host's body, most often through the mouth. SCP-XXXX will then find a suitable hollow place for itself, most commonly the abdomen or the heart.

"Te entity" (How do we know this thing is an entity?)

If this thing just wants to get inside you the nose and anus are also options for entry. Furthermore the heart and "abdomen" are not good places to go if you are trying to find a "hollow place" inside the body. The heart is difficult to get to from inside the GI tract (without outright killing the host). You'd have better luck just hanging out in the GI. Hell… you'd do even better if this thing escaped the intestine into the peritoneal cavity .

The entity will then cut away a portion of itself (called SCP-XXXX-1) and send it to the Subject's legs and arms to feed on the muscles in order to gather enough material to reproduce.

Uh. What. Why the legs and arms? Why does this single portion get a separate SCP designation?

SCP-XXXX will also send a portion of itself to the Subject's brain where it will produce larger amounts of testosterone. This ensures that the Subject doesn't seek clinical help or feel pain, all whilst feeling a large satisfaction in prospects of life.

Bullshit. This thing has already enveloped you and is eating your legs. Whether or not you think you should seek help is irrelevant. Furthermore testosterone isn't going to magically make you dumb enough to ignore your face being fucked by black goo followed by leg/arm consumption or dull that much pain.

The original SCP-XXXX will then exit through the mouth by making the Subject vomit thus repeating the reproduction.

Bad grammar. Also this isn't repeating any reproduction. It's just escaping.

When gained enough material all SCP-XXXX-01 units will move into one single point in the body.

Bad grammar. What point in the body?

SCP-XXXX-1 will then start to eat the Subject's body looking for a way out of the body. If not provided with sufficient food the entity will forcefully enlarge in size in order to seek out food. Size enlargement can vary and is influenced by the entity's surroundings. Hosts will start complaining about pain and over time will become more aggressive and suicidal.

If it's looking for a way out it should just sit in the GI and let you shit it out. This is what normal parasites do.

Furthermore if this thing is eating it's way out of the body there's no way in hell you aren't going to notice. Why this makes you suddenly angry and suicidal is beyond me. It's a cheap, pointless move.

The entity can change its density and shape forming various, sometimes potentially dangerous shapes. SCP-XXXX cannot sustain a shape other then its original form for an extended period of time (the longest SCP-XXXX could contain an other shape was approximately two (2) minutes.).

The original form being "goo".

This paragraph is so vague that I have no idea what this skip can actually do. Also why is it necessary from a narrative perspective to make the black goo into a shapeshifter?

SCP-XXXX and SCP-XXXX-1 cannot be surgically removed. If a surgery is attempted a defence mechanism will be triggered: both entities will travel to the head of the Subject, merge and rupture the Subject's brain.

Difficult and stupid. You have to break the skull. Using flagella. This is not a thing that can happen. Also how is that a defense mechanism?

Then SCP-XXXX will try to infect as much organism as it can by separating into lesser units and coming into skin contact. SCP-XXXX will then enter through pores in the Subject's skin. The reproduction will then repeat as stated before.

If it can enter through pores why bother with the mouth/enveloping business?

"As much organism as it can" is not proper grammar.

When the entity finds a way out of the organism it will find a place devoid of light where it will nest itself and reproduce.

Didn't it already reproduce within the host? This life cycle makes no sense.

SCP-XXXX cannot produce flagella if exposed to temperature lower then -4 degrees Celsius, it will remain dormant regardless if coming into contact with an organism.

Sounds like somebody read an article about Listeria monocytogenes and decided to take it too far.

If SCP-XXXX comes into contact water it will spread from the center of the contaminated area in a radius of 40 km on land at the speed of three (3) meters per second and in water spread as long as there is uncontaminated water.

Okay… why does this thing have a set radius on land?

SCP-XXXX will try to eat all plant life in the area to produce more units.

It will avoid the animals because it is insufficiently squicky to kill deer.

This can be stopped by isolating the contaminated area and burning it. SCP-XXXX moves at the same speed in almost any fluid. Note that if a smallest portion of the entity comes into a water source linked to an ocean the outcome would be of catastrophic proportions. Transfer to a different Site is still pending review.

Bullshit. How are we burning the water? Flagellar motion is strongly affected by the viscosity of the fluid so the idea that this can move in any fluid equally well by flagella alone is preposterous. And yeah. We already have a water-destroying thing that works like Ice-9. We don't need something else like it.

On ██/██/2012 SCP-XXXX came into contact with water for the first time since Foundation containment, when Dr.████ accidentally spilled his glass of water on a sample of SCP-XXXX. The entity quickly spread throughout the whole laboratory resulting in deaths of all personnel present in the lab at the time.

Uh. What was he doing with a drink in a biohazard lab. Standard safety protocol is that you don't drink in lab. Ever. Also since this thing was purported to only move "to the limits of the water" the idea that it quickly killed everybody is absurd.

On ██/██/2013 during a containment breach of SCP-███, SCP-███ started a secondary breach where SCP-XXXX came into contact with the nearby [REDACTED] River. A 10 km area was sealed off and prevented any further contamination. The affected area was burnt completely and then restored to its pre-breach state.

It came in contact with a river and it was fine. Whatever. We burned the river and nobody asked how that was possible. We also rerouted or contained a river. Big deal.

Seriously this is not remotely plausible.

TLDR:

The life cycle of this thing makes no sense. The spread of this thing makes no sense. The containment procedures make no sense. The addenda make no sense. I'm not curious to know more about this thing or what makes it tick, how it arose or what it wants. All I see is a black-goo that kills everything but kills people in a weirdly specific way.

I suggest you back up. Think a little about what could be scary about an intelligent parasite. Think of the implications; think about its wants and needs. Think about how parasites might see a host. Think about what intelligent, black-goo wants, what it is and re-write this.