Think back to when you were a wide-eyed child. You had big dreams. The world was your oyster! You never, never, thought for a second that someday the local paper in your town would have a headline referring to you that read,

And yet this became a grim reality last month for one Pontiac, Mich., woman, who I will simply refer to here as "JP" since things are going poorly enough for her as it is. According to the Macomb Daily, JB tried to roll out of a Meijer retail store with more than $600 worth of allegedly stolen electronics. The flaw in this supposed master plan turned out to be that her purported getaway vehicle, the motorized cart she was riding in the store, became stuck in the exit door. This left JP unexpectedly stuck in the door with the door alarm blaring. D'oh!!!

The 400-pound JP opted not to flee on foot when the cart became stuck, and, as such, had to contend with the store's loss prevention officers, who asked to see her receipt. Things got progressively worse from there, as JP reportedly shoved and punched one loss prevention officer, cursed out a sheriff's deputy and "took a fighting stance” (still in the cart??), and ultimately ended up getting herself Tasered, arrested and taken off to jail.

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400-Pound Would-Be Shoplifter Unable to Flee on Motorized Scooter

Think back to when you were a wide-eyed child. You had big dreams. The world was your oyster! You never, never, thought for a second that someday the local paper in your town would have a headline referring to you that read,

And yet this became a grim reality last month for one Pontiac, Mich., woman, who I will simply refer to here as "JP" since things are going poorly enough for her as it is. According to the Macomb Daily, JB tried to roll out of a Meijer retail store with more than $600 worth of allegedly stolen electronics. The flaw in this supposed master plan turned out to be that her purported getaway vehicle, the motorized cart she was riding in the store, became stuck in the exit door. This left JP unexpectedly stuck in the door with the door alarm blaring. D'oh!!!

The 400-pound JP opted not to flee on foot when the cart became stuck, and, as such, had to contend with the store's loss prevention officers, who asked to see her receipt. Things got progressively worse from there, as JP reportedly shoved and punched one loss prevention officer, cursed out a sheriff's deputy and "took a fighting stance” (still in the cart??), and ultimately ended up getting herself Tasered, arrested and taken off to jail.