A big embrace

Little Zoe transforms family that fostered, then adopted, her

Mar. 18, 2012

Zoe Jenkins, 2, plays peek a boo behind an easy chair at her home in Willard on Tuesday, March 6, 2012. Stephanie and Telly Jenkins fostered Zoe for about a year and recently adopted her. / Valerie Mosley/News-Leader

But while her new family celebrated her adoption, she was far more interested in animal crackers.

At 2 years old, sugar is a lot more exciting than a courtroom and a guy in a robe. Not to mention there were flowers and a balloon, too.

Someday she’ll look back on that unseasonably warm and sunny February day in a much different way — it’s the day she officially joined her “forever family.”

When the Jenkins family first met Zoe, she was 10 weeks old.

The family — father Telly, mother Stephanie and their son, Alex, then 6 — had decided to become a foster family after a long conversation about whether they could handle the responsibility of taking care of someone else’s kid.

“The more we tossed it around, the more people we’d come into contact with who were foster parents or had a connection to the foster care system,” Stephanie said.

Telly wondered if they would really have the time — considering their duty to Alex and their full-time jobs — for another child.

As time went on and the conversations with other foster parents continued, the more they felt pulled. It wasn’t so much a calling, more of a curiosity.

While Telly and Stephanie started taking classes — just to find out more, not to make any commitments — one of their main concerns was how Alex would handle another child in the house.

They explained to him foster care was a way to help parents who were “sick.” They told Alex they were helping sick people by taking care of their kids for a little while so the sick parents could get better.

“Alex never had any hesitation,” Stephanie said.

They became licensed foster parents in February 2010, after a lot of nervousness about whether they were ready.

The Jenkins family got five calls for foster child placements in the first few weeks.

Foster families get extensive training on how best to take care of themselves while caring for other people’s children. One of the first rules is to make sure the child is a good fit.

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The first four calls offered them foster children Stephanie and Telly knew they weren’t prepared to care for. They declined.

“And then I just spent the rest of the day crying,” Stephanie said.

The fifth call? Zoe.

The couple quickly had to relearn what it was like to be parents to a baby. Stephanie and Telly admit there were late nights when they questioned just what they had gotten themselves in to.

“But we dusted off the coffee maker and made it happen,” Stephanie said.

Other moments outweighed the tough ones. Like when Alex let Zoe dress him up like a baby and he walked around the house with a bib on.

Or like the night before Zoe’s adoption hearing. While Zoe was trying on her new dress for her big day, Alex came in multiple times — each time in a different costume.

Stephanie said, “He told me he wanted her to pretend like people all over the world were coming to see her because they heard how beautiful she was.”

“Those are the moments when you think, I must’ve done something right.”

Not that Alex warmed up to her immediately. At first he complained she had cooties, but Zoe quickly won him over.

Now he coos over her, talks about how proud he is of her.

Alex, now 8, sees Zoe as a playmate for now.

“She laughs a lot. She’s funny,” Alex answered when asked what he likes about her.

But someday he’ll be a protective big brother, watching out for those boyfriends.

“It would really make me happy that she liked someone,” Alex insisted.

“That’ll change,” Stephanie said, laughing.

Zoe fit into the family like she had always been there.

“Zoe changed our entire family dynamic,” Stephanie added.

“We have such a deeper appreciation for each other.”

Not that they lacked love before. They were a very happy family, but Zoe brought something they never had — something they can’t quite describe.

“I can’t imagine life without her now,” Telly said.

But while they became more and more attached to the little girl, her biological parents were becoming more and more stable. Zoe would likely be leaving them soon.

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Neither of Zoe’s biological parents has ever been charged with a crime relating to their daughter. Stephanie says there were a lot of accusations made, but she can’t be sure what was true and what wasn’t. She won’t say what those accusations were.

She also defends Zoe’s mother’s situation.

“She didn’t ask for the circumstances she was in. She did the best she could,” Stephanie said.

She said she truly thought Zoe was going back to a better home life. She never once questioned whether Zoe would be loved.

“There hasn’t been a day in her life that she hasn’t been loved,” Stephanie emphasized.

Zoe went back to her mother’s home just before Christmas.

It was tough, Stephanie said, but not like some might think. The goal from the beginning was for Zoe to be returned to her mother.

“If the system works the way it’s supposed to, then they’re not going back to the same situation,” Stephanie said.

But, slowly, Zoe’s biological mother returned to previous habits. Problems resurfaced. Zoe was back at the Jenkins’ home by July.

Although the foster parenting had not been an easy journey the first time, the situation took a much more difficult turn after Zoe was taken back to the Jenkins family. A judge had to decide if Zoe would ever be able to go back to her mother’s home.

“It’s like the whole thing just starts all over again,” Stephanie said.

Foster care situations always have the initial goal of reunification with the biological family. Deputy juvenile officers are required to show every effort was made to preserve the family unit before other action can be taken.

Sometimes that means a lot of legal hoops.

“It’s not something you can sugar-coat,” Stephanie acknowledged.

“There were some really bad days. There were times that I just wanted to take her and run away.”

Eventually, Zoe’s mom was faced with the decision whether to terminate her parental rights or not. She went to Stephanie for advice.

“It was hard. Because she would ask me what I thought. I told her, ‘I can’t tell you to give me your child.’ ”

But eventually, Zoe’s mother made that tough call — she voluntarily signed away her rights.

For now, Zoe is happy and healthy in the Jenkins’ home. The family knows some day there will have to be a discussion about Zoe’s biological family.

Stephanie thinks about that conversation a lot. She’s not sure what she’ll say or when she’ll say it. But she does know some things she’ll be sure Zoe knows.