She just started counselling and is using allopathic medicine. I imagine her process will be long and hard. Not to mention she lives next to her in laws who think this is a great way to raise your kids.

Step by step. I just have to be patient and hope they figure it out. Plus remember not to take parenting advice. Some of the stuff she says... wow.

Children in America are diaper-learned and subsequently potty-learned, or, un-diaper-learned. Children stuck in diapers lose the ability to recognize the need to go to the toilet and it is a hard thing (in most cases) for them to re-learn.

I think Ruthla was just pointingt out that EC is irrelavant to the OP's situation and it is pointless to talk about how an ECed child compares to a diapered one.

I also suspect her talk of rewards was an effort to steer the OP's sister towards something mainstream that she could comprehend, a lesser of two evils so to speak. No one is talking about the ideal way to do things on this thread, just trying to brainstorm ways to minimize the damage, ie asking a doctors advice and having a rewards chart.

Exactly. This particular child is already 2.5 and "diaper trained." The goal here is to help the OP help her sister stop abusing the toddler. We're not defining the ideal way to teach a child to use the toilet.

Mama to 10 so far:Mother of Joey (23), Dominick (15), Abigail (13), Angelo (10), Mylee (8), Delainey (6), Colton (4), ID girls Dahniella and Nicolette (2 in July), and Baby 10 coming sometime in July 2015. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

Well, he ds had had an accident and she was telling him that he had to use the potty and so on. Well then she calls her dh in and tells him. He says something I can't understand and my nephew says "NO, NO DAD!"

Given your family history, any chance that your BIL is also abusing your nephew? Your sister?

I'm glad that you have been able to move past your abuse, and that you found people to work with. Definitely bring it up with her when she comes. Talk to her about breaking family patterns. And give her lots of love.

In my earlier post I was in no way saying that the parents were right to have such high expectations of their son that any 'failure' was intentional. I just wanted to challenge the previously stated assertion that children are not able to do this at two and a half even after being used to using nappies.

How many potties do they have in their house? Could you buy them one as a gift so they have more than one? Could you suggest that your nephew might want some privacy to use the potty so they shouldn't be around him when he does it? Perhaps this would allow him to relax a little and not be sitting there waiting to get hit my one of them.

Is your sister disgusted by the mess? Does she hate having to touch the wet clothes and sort him out?

She needs some hints on how to deal with accidents but I haven't really read anything other than 'don't make a fuss' has anyone got anything more step-by-step this-is-what-you-do? Could you pass on some old clothes to them to use for a while or tell them that you have a particular cloth and bucket which you keep for cleaning up and that your dc put their wet clothes straight in the washing machine? If everything was a bit wet I used to stand mine in the bath and swoosh the shower over their legs to freshen them up. Maybe there is too much room for her to use freezing cold water there but it would be a hands off way to clean him up.

Since reading your first post I keep seeing your little nephew in my mind's eye and he is flinching away from a big dark figure. I hope he can be things get better soon so that he can avoid this awfulness but please don't feel bad about yourself if you can't change your sister's behaviour towards him. It is not your fault.

Sorry I haven't had time to read all of these posts but I just want to register my shock. When I read your post I actually gasped. I am sending hope to your nephew. I wish there was something I could do. I am sending love to hime and hope his parents come to their senses.

Your post just gave me a light bulb moment about my cousin. I stayed with my aunt and uncle for two weeks when my cousin was 3 1/2. He used to hide behind doors or chairs to poop his pants. I don’t remember them spanking him for that, but they did spank for other things so I wouldn’t be surprised. He was almost 5 when he was finally potty trained. The rest of the family attributed it to him being “spoiled,” but I firmly believe he had a fear of going to the bathroom, most likely because of punishment for accidents.

This also reminds me of the Pearls’ method of potty training. He told his son that he was too big for diapers and that since he wouldn’t go in the toilet, he’d have to be cleaned up outside. So he took his son outside and hosed him off. I don’t remember what season it was, but it couldn’t have been summer because the boy wouldn’t have minded it much then. It didn’t take long for his son to use the toilet then, he says, but I guarantee that boy is going to have severe body issues from that alone, not to mention the rest of the Pearls’ “discipline.”

OMG, that Pearl story reminded me of a funny story. DD went through a "playing in her poop" phase. At my wits end after one naptime, I decided I was going to make it unpleasant for her to do it again. I took her outside and hosed her off, clothes and all (our weather is warm all year round). She just looked at me and laughed - she loved it!! And I sat there feeling very foolish :-P Anyway, this is a rough subject, so maybe the story will add a little levity. I've seen people acting this way about potty training too, and it sure wasn't helping...

I have no help, just want to say that I'm heartbroken for your nephew and for you and your sister as well.

I read this thread last night before bed and could not stop thinking about it. If your BIL hit your sister this way it would be grounds for assault charges, it's so very sad that a little child has no voice in this situation.

I'm sure you just want to wrap your arms around the little guy and never let him go.

Your nephew and sister are lucky to have you, I'm hoping the best for you all.

I hope no one thought I punished my daughter, but she would do this once she potty trained for pee, then she would ask for a diaper to poop in. She liked her privacy (even if it was in a diaper) and would sneak away to poop. Then come announce she needed a change....that's just how it went with us. My mom always said that no child goes to college in diapers, so I kinda let my kids take the lead (oh, yeah, and I'm lazy too!).