Congrats with that! I must ask did you write 177 pages for the assignment?_________________

Posted: Mon Mar 25, 2013 1:54 pm

Message

DancelittleewokEUC Staff

Joined: 15 Sep 2010Posts: 1170Location: Kansas

[quote="Salaris Vorn"]

Dancelittleewok wrote:

Taral-DLOS wrote:

There's also the possibility that you could call or e-mail him.

The ball is in his court now since I've taken most of the initiative. I want to be chased, dammit!

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Just speaking as a guy I'd caution the attitude of wanting to be chased. If you play it too cool/hard to get he may not pursue. You did say he can get any girl he wants so if you come across as "I can take you or leave you, makes no difference to me" he'll likely turn his interests to one of the women actively chasing him. As guy logic goes we don't chase after a girl who isn't giving signals that she'll let the guy CATCH her when there are other girls who are either 1) chasing us or 2) sending very clear signals that if we pursue they won't turn us down when we muster the courage to ask for a date

There's some truth to that. In a way, I can take him or leave him because I haven't made an emotional investment, and things are very new. But thank you for your advice about this.

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Some women may enjoy being chased but have no desire to be caught so you have to make sure you don't come across as one of those women.

Guys are like that too. I figure there's too much of an incentive to be single for popular, attractive guys hence why I'm reluctant to start chasing. If I don't chase, other girls already are. I imagine he, like most guys, enjoys the attention.

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Guys aren't always the most clever bunch so while you might've thought giving him your number was as big a signal you could give short of throwing a brick at his head with a note tied to it he might've thought it wasn't any more significant than responding to a friend request on facebook. Depending on the context in which you gave him your number/how you acted when you gave your number it could've come across more like a facebook friend request thing than a "call me and ask me out."

He texted the girl I mentioned earlier to tell me that I left my lights on. I sent him a PM over Facebook to thank him, and he asked for my number. Like I said before, I'm trying not to read too much into it. I just sent him a Facebook PM, trying to strike up a conversation. I'll let you know if anything happens. Thanks for all the advice guys. You guys are even better than my RL boy (space) friends.

Queen Padme Skywalker wrote:

I have finished my epic 177 page assignment a day early

Long time no see time, Mrs. Skywalker. How's life treating ya?_________________Observation: Life would be cooler if everyone spoke like HK-47.

As a guy I'll make a statement: We're all slow and some of us very dumb.

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Because yes, many males of the species have a hard time with follow-through, especially where pretty girls are concerned

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men are the worst at actually following threw with things like that.

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Guys aren't always the most clever bunch

You know, I think us guys need to have a bit more self-esteem and a boost of self-confidence. It's not a matter of being slow or dumb - people just need to meet someone that they connect very well with. What one woman might consider a slow approach, another woman might think is the perfect approach. It's not a science. People are just wired differently. But geez, guys. Let's give ourselves a little more credit, please?

Posted: Tue Mar 26, 2013 10:43 am

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Taral-DLOSMaster

Joined: 23 Nov 2010Posts: 1727Location: Ontario, Canada

Regardless of gender, I give the same advice I give my cat: USE YOUR WORDS.

But she doesn't listen to me, so I imagine people wouldn't either

I would like to relay the story of when I told the woman who would eventually become my wife that I had feelings for her.

It was two days before her birthday, and I wanted to buy her flowers for her birthday and tell her then but I knew I'd wuss out over the next two days so I called to see if she was around and asked if I could swing by right away (she lived about a 20 minute walk away). She said yes, so I bought some flowers and walked on over. I kid you not, this was the conversation:

Me: So, I have feelings for you.
Her: Yes.
Me: It is my sincere hope that you have feelings for me.
Her: Yes.
Me: So it can be said that what we're doing is "dating".
Her: Yes.
Me: Excellent.

Friends have laughed at this, calling it a conversation between cyborgs. I like it

So yes, all people of all genders need to just use their words.

Alternatively, I'm a fan of author John Green's advice. When asked how to get girls to like you (or the more specific question of "How do I get author Maureen Johnson to like me?") the answer, after consultation with his dog Willy (whom it was said girls love) was "Be a puppy."_________________"I'm...from Earth."

177 pages?! That's like a book. _________________
Where sky and water meet,
Where the waves grow sweet,
Doubt not, Reepicheep,
To find all you seek,
There is the utter east.

Posted: Wed Mar 27, 2013 9:12 pm

Message

DancelittleewokEUC Staff

Joined: 15 Sep 2010Posts: 1170Location: Kansas

Update: Well, he answered my inquiry and invited me to the open house of his company. He didn't ask anything in return. I didn't make it to the event because I was exhausted from school and the fun I had the night before._________________Observation: Life would be cooler if everyone spoke like HK-47.

I...I finished Bioshock: Infinite today. My brain hurts as it is nearly 2 in the morning and I actually just finished it. I'm still trying to process it but...its beautiful._________________Perfection is a lifelong pursuit requiring sacrifice. The only way to get it quicker is to sacrifice the most.

Posted: Thu Mar 28, 2013 3:17 pm

Message

Salaris VornModerator

Joined: 02 Feb 2008Posts: 2258Location: New York, USA

VileZero wrote:

But geez, guys. Let's give ourselves a little more credit, please?

Do I get any credit for using the qualifiers "aren't always" which leaves room for the possibility that sometimes we do ok?

Dancelittleewok wrote:

Update: Well, he answered my inquiry and invited me to the open house of his company. He didn't ask anything in return. I didn't make it to the event because I was exhausted from school and the fun I had the night before.

Ok several things:
1) was his invite a last minute type deal ("btw open house tomorrow") or did he give you a few days warning?
2)was this a general invite or of the women he knows did he invite you and only you?
3)I'm hoping you explained to him that you had a really good reason for not showing up when you're interested in him.

He did try to create a situation where you two could get together socially so if you came off as a "meh sorry couldn't make it" he might not try again since at best it might sound like you're playing hard to get without any clear desire to be caught, at worst that you aren't interested in him.

Related to question 1: if you knew several days in advance that there was this event you could go to with him but didn't plan to make sure you would be there telling him that the reason you didn't go was because you were out partying the previous night without any particular details isn't the best encouragement a guy could receive. It could lead him to assume you hooked up with some guy at the party and are no longer interested in him because you're focusing on this other guy.

Related to question 2 if he invited you and no other woman to the open house I think you need to do something (like invite him to an event you want to go to, not just a friendly text message that could be sent by a woman who only wants to be friends) to convey that you are interested in him and weren't just blowing him off. If he could've invited any woman to the open house but chose to invite you and only you that shouldn't be taken lightly.

related to question 3 assuming he was decent and didn't invite you at the very last minute you need to have a real good reason for not showing up at all. Even if it was a general invite if he is interested in you you can bet he noticed that you weren't there. A guy isn't likely to try again if he thinks he was blown off. Poor time management will just sound like you aren't interested in him not as a legit reason for not showing up.

Also I'm puzzled by what you mean "he didn't ask for anything in return."

EDIT:
Statement: DLE your signature would be better if it read "Observation: Life would be cooler if everyone spoke like HK-47." _________________

Posted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 10:06 pm

Message

DancelittleewokEUC Staff

Joined: 15 Sep 2010Posts: 1170Location: Kansas

Salaris wrote:

Ok several things:
1) was his invite a last minute type deal ("btw open house tomorrow") or did he give you a few days warning?
2)was this a general invite or of the women he knows did he invite you and only you?
3)I'm hoping you explained to him that you had a really good reason for not showing up when you're interested in him.

I received the invite through Facebook a day before, and I have no idea who else he invited, but the event was public. I just told him that I, unfortunately, couldn't make it, but thanked him for the invite, wishing he and his business good luck.

EDIT: Looking at who was invited, I think it was a general invite, not just me. There were a ton of mutual friends as I suspected.

Quote:

He did try to create a situation where you two could get together socially so if you came off as a "meh sorry couldn't make it" he might not try again since at best it might sound like you're playing hard to get without any clear desire to be caught, at worst that you aren't interested in him.

Very true. He did say he'd keep me on the invite list for future events. The reason he invited me to the open house was because I asked him about his work. The tone of the conversation was very polite, almost business-like.

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Related to question 1: if you knew several days in advance that there was this event you could go to with him but didn't plan to make sure you would be there telling him that the reason you didn't go was because you were out partying the previous night without any particular details isn't the best encouragement a guy could receive. It could lead him to assume you hooked up with some guy at the party and are no longer interested in him because you're focusing on this other guy.

I was out with a friend of his and their clique. Thanks to Facebook, he can see what event I've joined or been to. If he's keeping tabs on me, he knows exactly where I was the night before.

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Related to question 2 if he invited you and no other woman to the open house I think you need to do something (like invite him to an event you want to go to, not just a friendly text message that could be sent by a woman who only wants to be friends) to convey that you are interested in him and weren't just blowing him off. If he could've invited any woman to the open house but chose to invite you and only you that shouldn't be taken lightly.

There aren't really events coming up that I could invite him to without it being last minute or something he isn't already aware of.

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related to question 3 assuming he was decent and didn't invite you at the very last minute you need to have a real good reason for not showing up at all. Even if it was a general invite if he is interested in you you can bet he noticed that you weren't there. A guy isn't likely to try again if he thinks he was blown off. Poor time management will just sound like you aren't interested in him not as a legit reason for not showing up.

The reason I didn't show up was because I was hung over and half asleep from the night before. If I'd shown up, I would've fallen asleep in his lap. Our conversation is the past the explanation part, so I don't know what to do now.

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Also I'm puzzled by what you mean "he didn't ask for anything in return."

I meant he didn't ask anything about me, but when I thanked him for the invite, he continued the conversation. I tried to keep the ball rolling by asking another question about his work and kinda geeked out, but he hasn't replied...yet. Talking to you makes me wonder if I kinda blew it. *headdesk*

Quote:

EDIT:
Statement: DLE your signature would be better if it read "Observation: Life would be cooler if everyone spoke like HK-47."

You're a smart one, meatbag.

Can this be fixed? I feel like with him, it's just hard to find my groove. I think I'm gonna put him on the back burner. Things shouldn't be this hard._________________Observation: Life would be cooler if everyone spoke like HK-47.

It's been a week since I've had any sign of illness, and the doctor thinks she knows what the problem is. Feeling pretty good ._________________I am a Star Wars fan. That doesn't mean that I hate or love Jar Jar. That doesn't mean I hate or love Lucas, or agree or disagree 100% with him. That doesn't mean I prefer the PT over the OT, or vice versa. That doesn't mean I hate the EU, or even love all of it (or even read all of it). These are not prerequisites. Being a man is not a prerequisite. Being a geek is not a prerequisite. The only prerequisite is that I love something about Star Wars. I am a Star Wars fan.

Posted: Sat Mar 30, 2013 6:40 am

Message

ReepicheepMaster

Joined: 05 Feb 2008Posts: 6956Location: Sailing into the unknown

LENT IS OVER!!! *goes to YouTube*_________________
Where sky and water meet,
Where the waves grow sweet,
Doubt not, Reepicheep,
To find all you seek,
There is the utter east.

Posted: Sat Mar 30, 2013 2:57 pm

Message

Salaris VornModerator

Joined: 02 Feb 2008Posts: 2258Location: New York, USA

Before addressing all your points I want to get to the bottom line: in your original post it sounded like you blew him off. As I read your original post you sounded like you had an attitude of "well couldn't make it but no skin off my nose."

However, in answering my questions it is clear that that was not your attitude. Which is good! It sounds like you conveyed that the timing was bad and that you were sorry you couldn't go. That puts you in relatively safe ground from which to move forward.

Dancelittleewok wrote:

I received the invite through Facebook a day before, and I have no idea who else he invited, but the event was public. I just told him that I, unfortunately, couldn't make it, but thanked him for the invite, wishing he and his business good luck.

Ok that's good. From your original post it sounded like he invited you and you either said "yes" or "maybe" and then did a no show. But if you declined his invite doesn't make it so bad.

Quote:

Very true. He did say he'd keep me on the invite list for future events. The reason he invited me to the open house was because I asked him about his work. The tone of the conversation was very polite, almost business-like.

Given that it was a business event he may have just been trying act appropriate to the context. I.E. it might've seemed weird and/or creepy if he was being overly flirty in a conversation where he invited you to a work place event that presumably would have some level of professional atmosphere even though it was a social event (based on my own experiences going to department parties where faculty were present). If you were also just talking about his job he might've also been keeping a more business tone to avoid seeming creepy (you're talking about professional stuff so he may want show respect to you as a fellow human being and not be creepy in assuming that because you are a woman by simply talking to him about anything means you're interested and would welcome him flirting with you) and/or wanting to sound professional to avoid giving you a bad impression of him as not serious about his job.

If, however, you talk to him about something like Star Wars and he has the same tone/attitude that does raise red flags.

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I was out with a friend of his and their clique. Thanks to Facebook, he can see what event I've joined or been to. If he's keeping tabs on me, he knows exactly where I was the night before.

That being the case I wouldn't worry about my comment.

Quote:

There aren't really events coming up that I could invite him to without it being last minute or something he isn't already aware of.

Even if he already knows about it you could ask "hey are you going to event XX?" If he says "yes" you could then lead with something like "maybe we could go together (or meet up at the event)" or, if you don't want to be too forward "cool I was thinking of going so maybe I'll see you there." (be sure however that it is an event you want to go to, you don't want to be at an event where you're bored out of your mind or would feel uncomfortable at in the event that talking with him at the event goes poorly).

Now you don't HAVE to do any of this but as a woman friend of mine observed when a guy asks a woman out for say Friday if she's interested in him she'll suggest an alternate day if Friday won't work for her but if she isn't that interested she'll just decline. So by inquiring whether he'll be at a social event you're going to/asking if he'd like to meet you there it should send him signals that you are interested.

The main two things to keep in mind is that women DO use the "sorry I'm busy that day" line as a polite way of saying "no" so whatever you do you want to avoid giving him the impression that that's what you meant when you declined his invite. The other is you have to do what is comfortable for you, not what I or anyone else would do.

Note: I assume that how a guy would initiate such an inquiry is different from how a woman would do so even if the desired ends are exactly the same so you need to make sure that if you make such an inquiry it's how you would say it, not how I would say it.

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The reason I didn't show up was because I was hung over and half asleep from the night before. If I'd shown up, I would've fallen asleep in his lap. Our conversation is the past the explanation part, so I don't know what to do now.

I wouldn't worry given that 1) it was a last minute invite and it would be unfair of him to expect you to drop everything to go (I'll assume here that you also wouldn't want a boyfriend who expected that of you either) and 2) you declined the invite so he knew not to expect you to be there. Do NOT sweat it.

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I meant he didn't ask anything about me, but when I thanked him for the invite, he continued the conversation. I tried to keep the ball rolling by asking another question about his work and kinda geeked out, but he hasn't replied...yet. Talking to you makes me wonder if I kinda blew it. *headdesk*

Assuming that he is interested I wouldn't say it's over and if he gives up that easily he isn't worth your time. If I were in his shoes at worst I would be confused as to whether you are interested or not and a bit cautious but not the "write DLE off" stage. That being said if he invites you to another event GO (in such a case he's giving you a second chance and testing whether the first time was just genuine bad timing or whether you're trying to tell him "no" without actually saying "no").

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Can this be fixed? I feel like with him, it's just hard to find my groove.

Short answer: yes.

The main things you need to make sure is that next time he invites you to something, but especially if he asks you out on a date, that you either 1) say yes or 2) propose an something else/an alternate day if he has bad luck and asks on another day that isn't good for you. Declining a second time without suggesting an alternate day/event will likely be interpreted as saying you aren't interested (this again based on personal experience where I'll give the woman the benefit of the doubt the first time but if she declines a second time unless she has a real good/plausible explanation I assume she's saying "no").

The other thing is you need to make sure you don't send mixed messages (being flirty one day and then kinda distant the next for example). Most of all you need to avoid at all costs sounding like you just think of him as a friend, particularly after he invited you to an event. That doesn't mean throw yourself at him, just be mindful of how your interact with him

To end on a positive note: whatever you did when you were chatting with him on Facebook did motivate him to invite you to the event. So assuming he invited you because he is interested in you (and until he gives you a clear sign he isn't let's stay positive) you were sending him the right signals and he picked up on that._________________

Posted: Mon Apr 01, 2013 2:48 am

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JainaSoloMaster

Joined: 04 Sep 2012Posts: 577Location: In front of my laptop

Happy April Fools everyone... _________________We fight, we earn, we never learn. And through it all, the hero falls...
~Heroes, Mika~

Posted: Tue Apr 02, 2013 7:36 am

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Taral-DLOSMaster

Joined: 23 Nov 2010Posts: 1727Location: Ontario, Canada

I cancelled my cable yesterday, and went and bought a new blu-ray player that is wi-fi and Youtube-ready, so that I can watch youtube shows on my bedroom TV.

The blu-ray player I got though isn't very good. The youtube interface is terrible. I subscribe to a lot of channels, but the interface doesn't let me access them (my PS3's youtube app shows my channels each in their own tab, and I can scroll between videos at will, while the Samsung device I bought just as a playlist of the 100-or-so most recent videos of all my channels combined. So I'm returning it tonight, probably replacing it with a Sony blu-ray player.

But I'm glad to be playing like $85.00 less per month! All the TV shows I'm really into (mostly The Vampire Diaries, Arrow, and Dragon's Den) are available free online anyways on the broadcast network websites.

Also: this Easter I got to visit my newborn nephew!

My sister gave birth a little under 2 weeks ago. She had two kids already (twins, a boy and a girl). They live about a 6-7 hour drive away (we each moved away for school, in opposite directions, and settled), so we don't see them nearly enough. In fact, I heard my niece say "I'm scared of Uncle <name>", but I'm told she feels that way about most men she doesn't know very well.

But the little guy is adorbs. And my other niece and nephew were cute too. Brought them new games. And a set of building blocks labeled with the periodic table (20 blocks with 6 sides each means there was enough room for all 118 elements!) cause I'm a huge geek _________________"I'm...from Earth."