Serious cold is coming, economists are full of bad news and the Maplewood City Council is at war again.

But wait – just when we thought things were really looking bleak, here comes King B, the outdoor hockey nuts and the parade of pooches.

First, the dogs. They are actually bird dogs, or sporting dogs, and they and their owners will parade around Roy Wilkins Auditorium and the St. Paul RiverCentre today as part of the opening of the National Pheasant Fest. The parade begins at 12:30 p.m. at Roy Wilkins auditorium. The Pheasant Fest will focus heavily on man’s best bird-hunting friend, with seminars and demonstrations of training methods and equipment.

Beginning today and continuing through Sunday, rink rats will converge on the ice of Lake Nokomis in south Minneapolis for the U.S. Pond Hockey championships. All those pucksters carving the ice and exhaling clouds into the teeth of January – it’s a sight to see. Plus, there’s a large warming house.

Next week, King Boreas and his minions inaugurate the St. Paul Winter Carnival, which runs from Wednesday through Sunday, Feb. 3. Most of the events are around Rice Park and Landmark Center in downtown St. Paul. It’s a chance to come to grips with winter and embrace our frigid side.

When that’s over, we’re already into February. The high school hockey tournament, ice out and the reopening of the golf courses will be here before we know it. We can make it, folks!

THREE-STALL FIGHT

Our Friday Opinuendo poet has no opinion on the legal battle between the St. Paul writer and radio host Garrison Keillor and his next-door neighbor, Lori Anderson, over Anderson’s construction of a three-stall garage and studio. He just wonders about the relationship of the lawsuit to Keillor’s fictional world.

The famous resident took in the view

And thought: what would Pastor Inqvist do?

Would he be a neighborly charmer

Or a surly bachelor farmer?

He said: garish and overambitious

The neighbors said: tasty and expeditious

They thought his objections entirely wrong

The woman next door turned out to be strong

He sent out the word from his foyer

Hire an above-average zoning lawyer

While he penned a literary barrage

In his next book: Lake Wobegon’s Garage.

TWO-STALL FIGHT

We have done our part to trivialize the arrest of Idaho U.S. Sen. Larry Craig in a bathroom sex sting at Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport during a layover in June. Today we take a break from the levity to welcome to the dispute an unexpected participant, the American Civil Liberties Union.

Craig has consistently denied that his gestures in a bathroom stall were intended to solicit sex. The undercover officer who arrested him said Craig stared at him through a crack in the door, tapped his shoe and moved his shoe next to the officer’s, and ran the palm of his hand along the bottom of the stall divider. At that point, the officer displayed his badge and made the arrest.

Craig denied the allegations but pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor count of disorderly conduct. After the case became public and wrecked his political career, he asked that he be allowed to withdraw his plea. A judge turned down that request, and Craig has appealed the decision. The ACLU brief argues that the state law, which punishes “offensive, obscene or abusive language,” is unconstitutionally broad in its restrictions. The ACLU says even if Craig intended to have sex, “courts all over America have held that an invitation to have lawful sex may not be made a crime.”

In October, Pioneer Press reporter Mara Gottfried accompanied St. Paul vice officers at Crosby Farm Regional Park, where there are complaints of lewd behavior and public sex. An undercover officer was invited into another man’s car to watch a pornographic video. When the officer got in, the man exposed himself, and the officer made the arrest.

If the airport sting had progressed to that point, there would be no dispute about Larry Craig’s arrest. We want our police to try to stop sex in public places, regardless of the orientation of those involved. The question is at what point the transaction becomes criminal. If Craig’s toe-tapping and hand gestures crossed the line, what about the man who buys a drink for a woman in a singles bar?

OPINIONETTES

We have a new brand. You may not know what a brand is. It’s who we are – or rather, who we want the rest of the world to think we are. So it’s not enough to call our region the “Twin Cities.” Where’s the excitement in that? A swarm of PR folks has decided we are now this: “Minneapolis Saint Paul More to Life.” The goal is to “feel more wow.” We are, according to our new brand, one unhyphenated urban area with lots of cool stuff to do besides work hard and shiver at bus stops. Please conduct yourselves accordingly.

We thank the public and private groups involved in renovating the Alexander Ramsey House, an elegant Victorian mansion located in an area of historic homes near Irvine Park in St. Paul. It was once home to Minnesota’s first territorial governor, who was also a U.S. senator and secretary of war. The renovation will update the ventilation system and renovate the parlor by installing period wallpaper and a replica of the original carpet. Tours will resume in May.

Further, on point and in formation, Opinuendo sayeth not.

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