Struggling something fierce to continue

Guess the title says it all. Not gonna bore you with a bunch of details like I normally do. In fact, there's a part of me that's tired of talking. All I'll say is that I'm feeling most desperate to just to end the misery, confusion and extremes that are my life. I'm between a rock and hard place, and no where to turn.

I think I understand how you feel, sometimes talking and trying to deal with everything can feel really exhausting and hopeless. I hope that you can hold on and that these painful feelings will ease up. I get easily overwhelmed and have to remind myself to be patient, take care of things in small managable steps and give myself credit for what I'm able to do. Is there anything you can do to occupy your time or distract you like watching videos, reading or going for a walk? I really hope things get better for you.

I just read your post and sadden by it. You need to be strong which I know you are fighting very hard. You are important and never anything different as we all here care about you. Don't think we never give upon YOU. You should think as I sit here somewhere in the world, That someone really cares about you. So please rethink anything you are thinking and for me and Wildcherry let any current feelings subside. We both care, so please keep posting here for the support you truly deserve. Be safe my friend.

I am trying so hard even though my mind is still screaming to just give up already. I don't understand the extreme's I'm experiencing. They're new to me.

I have children who love me, and friends who do as well. So that is something that normally keeps me going, but this screaming is so insistent.

A friend stopped by tonight because he could just hear in my voice I was struggling. He didn't want to leave, but he had to due to his own circumstances which was totally understandable. Yet, I still find myself screaming to just die already. I'm on a med that should eventually help (or so I'm told), but this time of waiting and the extreme's are too much. I don't know what's going on with me, and honestly not sure I can endure it much longer.

It makes me happy to know you have people who care about you and love you. And that you are able to say that as well. Hold on to that!

Do you have a therapist you can schedule a time with to talk about what is going on?

Some meds take time to kick in, but sometimes some meds have a reverse side effect, that's why it's important to report these kinds of things so it can be corrected. Take care of yourself! You deserve to feel better!

Do you have a therapist you can schedule a time with to talk about what is going on?

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These unusual extreme's I'm experiencing are making it virtually impossible to continue on despite being so loved. The extreme's are horrifying tbh. I get in this mental zone, and can't seem to think outside the box.

Also, because of the extreme's I'm having immense difficulty talking to my therapist. The last time we spoke (on the phone) she said two things that triggered me. Those things hit me so much more extremely than I'm used to experiencing. Normally, I'm much more level headed, but that is SO far from the case atm.

A behavioral health lady I've been working with is trying to talk to my therapist, and I'm waiting to hear back from her although I don't have much hope she'll be able to sort things out with my therapist. My therapist has been rather dismissive lately (which is one of the triggering issues).

While in some ways I feel better this morning (at least more rested), I'm still feeling stuck in that zone of wanting to die. Honestly, don't know how I'm gonna make it thru another day.