Tag: #loveyourself

I write a great deal about life lessons, self-improvement, personal and spiritual growth. Lately though, it has occurred to me that I am always trying to change something about myself. I’m forever quitting sugar, alcohol, meat, dairy, coffee or other habits; depending on my motives. I am currently working through a dedicated 40 straight days of kundalini exercise, that looks down upon taking a day off for life. If I miss a day, I have to restart the count!

All these self-improvement desires and rules I set for myself tend to lead to a lot of ”shoulding” myself. Every day I say: “I should do this or should do that… Don’t do this or don’t do that.” When I eat sugar or have a glass of wine; should I feel bad about it? When I don’t have time or I just plain don’t feel like doing yoga, well, that leads to me feeling like I am letting myself down. Not a great feeling!

This cycle of setting my standards high (and sometimes impractical) has started to make me think. “When is it okay to just love myself exactly as I am?” Yes, I do these things to be healthier and happier, but when I let myself down, I feel bad about it and this does not make me feel happy at all! It has the opposite effect, and this makes me want to eat my feelings and a lot of cake.

This cycle of high expectations turns into failing perfectionism, not self-improvement. It turns into a twisted way to psychologically torture myself into feeling weak for failing at all these self-imposed rules. Gahhhhhhh!

Guess what?! Turns out that I am very much imperfect. How about you?

This got me thinking. When is it okay to accept and love myself just as I am? Imperfectly perfect. So what if I carry a few extra pounds? I still love my curves (my husband does too), my personality, and my smile. I am healthy enough to walk my dog, kayak, camp, and adventure without pain. Is my weight and sugar habit really as big of a problem as I seem to think it is?

What do my subconscious and body feel, when I cannot let myself love me just as I am? This cannot be healthy either, can it? I know that humans have layers of consciousness and deep down we know if we love ourselves or not. Yes, I know that taking care of your body, mind, and spirit is self-love. However, I also am beginning to see that having unrealistic expectations can have the opposite effect.

What if I tried something super drastic like loving myself enough to allow for the imperfections and what makes me, me?! I know that I love others who are not perfect, and I do not expect anybody to be picture-perfect! To me this proves it is very much possible to love someone just as they are. So can I love myself just as I am also? I have decided to give it a shot.

After trying to change some of the habits in my life and failing at some of them, I just started to wonder. “Maybe this is just who I am?” Is it really so awful if I have cake and coffee for breakfast once in a while?! I mean, come on man! That is the best part of being an adult! If I don’t eat cake every day, which of course, I do not. Then what is the problem?

I believe the point of life is to enjoy the way we choose to live it! Why do I ‘should myself’ or feel as if I am letting myself down for enjoying some sweetness in life?! Does a number on the scale and the fact I did not meditate today, change who I am inside? NO! It does not. Does anybody else care that I did not measure up to my own lofty standards? I doubt it.

Today I am choosing to love myself as I am! I am just me; Perfectly imperfect.

Have you heard of the psychological concept called mirroring? It is something people do subconsciously when communicating with each other. Sometimes it helps people seem charming, sociable and friendly. Other times, when we see something in others that we do ourselves but aren’t aware of, it can rub us the wrong way. It will change the way you perceive someone on a subliminal level, both in a good and bad way.

Sometimes we will mimic body languages like smiling, crossing our legs or arms while having a conversation. This involuntary movement helps us connect on a personal level beyond our words. I have heard, that when you notice or perceive an undesirable characteristic in others, it is because you possess the same trait yourself. If you do not like this quality about yourself, you are not going to like it in another person.

Most of the time we do not even know we are mirroring others, or see ourselves in another, although it is a very human attribute. Stacy and I recently had the experience of mirroring each other with our strong wills. I know who she is. I love it that she is strong-willed, determined, driven, and will tell me how she feels even if it is hard. I find it a giant blessing to have a good friend who wears her crown as proudly as I like too! I love these qualities, and we mirror each other in this way.

We have a lot of things in common and robust will power is just one of them. But as you may have guessed, if we turn our willfulness and face each other instead of the world… Well… “Mirror, Mirror, on the wall. Who’s the most stubborn of them all?” Our Boss Queen Crowns get lock horned into a stronghold, and there we are. Crowns crossed and face to face; mirroring our sister.

Well, what do you do then? Since Stacy is a dear friend of mine, I decided its best to take some time and stepped back to contemplate how I was going to handle this delicate matter. I do not want to hurt her but… “I’m right, and she’s wrong.” I know this isn’t true and can guarantee Stacy was thinking the same thing about me! Truth is somewhere in the middle; now it was up to us to find common ground.

Had we not realized we were indeed mirroring each other’s attributes or that we put our friendship before our stubbornness, we would probably still be crown locked. I could easily see how this type of mirroring could be damaging to a relationship or even an everyday encounter if not recognized. I think this type of thing happens a great deal in the real world, and how we chose to handle the situation is vital to the outcome.

I think it’s easy to write off a stranger, co-worker or acquaintance for the rest of your life if you feel strongly that you are in the right. Family and close friends are a different story though, you tend to let love override righteousness in favor of peace in most mirroring situations. This happens in mother/daughter or father/son relationships a lot. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree is another way we say it to compare similarities.

Resemblances do not stop us from disagreeing in those moments of discord. What I love about my soul sister and myself is now the same thing that is causing chaos. Mirroring can be very helpful if you are willing to see yourself as others see you. You get the chance to see how it feels to have your behavior inflicted upon yourself and see how you like it.

It can be uncomfortable because growth is often painful. I mean. How, dare she use MY attributes against me?! (Insert sarcasm here.) Seeing myself in my best friends’ actions was awkward. Yet because it was my friend, my response softened, and I did my best to reign in the Boss Queen inside, that likes to call the shots.

I bring up this mystical communication we call mirroring because it’s not talked about much, yet it is used in everyday interactions between all humans. Our exchanges with others very much depends on what kind of energy you are bringing to the situation before you. At work, school, relationships, social media, driving, or at the dinner table. What you put out is what we get back. Attitudes are contagious, so hopefully, we are all doing our best to share sunshine and not BS.

When we see something in another we do not like, maybe it is a sign to go within and fix it in ourselves. Even if we don’t know how to correct our behavior, even noticing our tendencies, is a great way to get to know yourself. I will use this knowledge to temper how I may react in the next similar situation. I think that is how we mature and become the people we want to be. I love using my experiences to grow. I chose to make small changes in myself and do better next time.

If ever I find myself crown locked with another Boss Queen, whether she’s my friend or not. I will stop and see myself in her. I will do my best to practice empathy and really listen to her message. Sometimes, friends and family fight. It is life. But I’ve found it is my willingness to be respectful and negotiate that really allows me to move through to a resolution, that is kind and acceptable for everyone.

This week the mirror showed me a reflection of the Boss Queen inside, getting crown-locked with my soul sister. “Mirror, Mirror, on the wall. Who’s the most stubborn of us all?”

I decided I valued my friendship more than my righteousness. Now I take this lesson and self-awareness into the future with me. I have learned to appreciate the human who mirrors you. It’s a message to help you see yourself. They may be a reflection of you.

Have you ever started a diet or exercise routine, vowing to buckle down and get in shape? Then, only a week or two later, you’ve had enough and just throw in the towel altogether. I am willing to bet most people have done such a thing once or twice in their lifetime. Why is it that some of us just have the willpower to make these changes stick and others don’t?! Sure, some of it has to do with habits, addictions, laziness and genetics, but what I believe it all boils down to is… self-love.

Recently I started another 40-day Kundalini Kriya practice. I got to day 4 and decided I really didn’t want to do it today. Then came day 5 and 6, with no effort to begin again and this got me thinking. “Why is it so easy to break promises to myself? Why is okay to let myself down when I would not do that to someone else?” It was as if I heard my angels talking to me; because after asking these questions the answer seemed so simple yet jarring. I heard. “Love yourself.”

It doesn’t even have to be health related. It can be that you are sick of your job. Everyday you come home burnt out, frustrated and angrily telling yourself. “I need a new job!” You truly want to look for another one but are just not able to get yourself to make the move you desire. So, you keep suffering, because the devil you know is better than the unknown right?

Again, I think this self-sabotaging behavior is just about the lack of self-love. Because you don’t know how to love yourself, or care deeply about your own wellbeing and all that entails, you can’t foster your own happiness. Like they say, the struggle is real. Maybe it’s based on the way I was raised. The biggest role models in my life have always been care-takers who have followed this same pattern.

My grandmother and mother worked very hard daily, taking care of others, with little time for themselves. Always putting other’s needs before their own. It was what they were taught to do and expected of them. Now that I am older and willing to look within, I see myself doing the very same thing. I believe this lack of knowledge, or examples on how to love myself fully, is what subconciously lays beneath the surface of my failures.

It’s time to break this cycle and keep promises made to myself. Some of us are better at self-care than others. When I say self-love, I mean all that encompasses caring for yourself; mind, body and spirit. Even financial wellness habits are included in what’s for, or not for our greatest and highest good. It is a lot to deal with everyday when you look at it all entails while still tending to lifes demands.

Yet, it all comes down to Self-love. Period. I feel this self-awareness is coming to me for a reason. When it feels as if life is consistently kicking me in the face, it’s because I’m just not listening to the whispers of wisdom, I know I hold deep down inside. It is divine guidance demanding me to ‘level-up’ for my own good. Yesterday I restarted a 40-day practice of Nabhi Kriya, along with other dietary and behavior changes as a promise to me.

I promise to prove my love to myself as consistantly as I try to prove my love for others. I promise to love myself enough to say no to what insults my inner wisdom. I promise to grab my self-care habits by the lapel and remind them I am not F’ng around with this gift of life I’ve been blessed with. I am worthy of my own love and care. I know I’m good at it!

It’s up to me and only me to keep these promises to myself. I hold the power, the passion and the determination to keep these promises. I must not rely on others for my own accountability or understanding. Even though it is nice to feel supported; when it comes down to it… it’s still all up to me. Every promise to change can only come from within and the resolve to love myself fully for my greatest good.

I promise to remind myself of all of this, when I want to quit.

To everyone struggling to practice self-love, break habits and make hard changes, I see you. I love you. You are not alone. We got this.

This time last year, I was complaining of being stuck in a rut and bored with how planned and predictable my life had seemed at the time. My how life likes to have fun with us some years. Now, one year later, I am so thankful for the opportunity to get back into a regular, healthy routine of life again! Work has picked back up and life if keeping me busy with things I enjoy.

The pressure I have been putting on myself lately seems to be finally lifting; as if I had a slow release valve attached to me somewhere. I am starting to look at things differently, as one does after your conscience has been expanded. It seems, I did not even realize how much stress I was putting upon myself until I finally worked at finding some much-needed peace. Getting back to work and helping others is also helping me do this.

I have finally realized that I have not been making time for myself. It’s been a long while since I had taken the time to get a massage, my haircut, and toenails done. I have a drawer full of beauty masks from Sephora, just waiting for me to take the time and use them. I woke up today feeling stiff, sore, and old. I am not old. It was just my body saying “Hey! Hey! Remember me?! Let’s hang out.”

It just so happens that I did not have any clients scheduled today but still plenty to do. I decided today, was the day, I’m going to tend to me. As I write this blog, I am sporting a Boscia, Luminizing Black peel-off Mask, to minimize pores and exfoliate. This afternoon I plan to follow it up with a hydrating mask; laying in bed and listening to a Yoga Nidra guided meditation. I am doing my best to indulge in some ‘me time’ and still get things done. I am choosing to fully enjoy some quiet time and tea.

I had forgotten how nice it is to just make time to relax and take care of myself. I know I should do it more often and that my body is worth taking time to keep it feeling its best. I realize I must take more time each day to get out of my head and moving in my body. It is so important to be consistent in tending to your physical needs. This realization is what urged me to call and scheduled a massage. I recommend you do that today! I bet your Massage Therapist misses you too.

Although I know how important self-care is, I don’t always make it a priority to practice. That’s why I am writing today to remind myself and you also!

It’s okay and important to take time for yourself. You deserve it, you are worth it! I love you!

My beloved and best friend Gus likes to eat poop. Every winter my Bulldog looks forward to fresh turdcicles from the backyard. It is disgusting! We make light of the situation by joking that he goes to the backyard to get $hitfaced and comes in smelling like a sewer. So, every time I let him out to go potty, I look him square in the eye and say “Gus, don’t eat poop. Look at me buddy. I mean it. Don’t do it.”

You may wonder why I am telling you this icky yet funny story. It is because I find it not so different then what humans do to themselves. We drink alcohol, diet pop, eat fast food, some smoke cigarettes, and other habits that are full of nothing good for you at all! Then especially during the holidays and we top it off with cookies, bars or sugary deliciousness that goes straight to our waistlines.

Now I am aware that not everyone eats like this all the time. But we do have our moments, habits and weaknesses that remind me of my dog Gus. He knows he is not supposed to eat poop, he will even sneak around the side of the house or go where he doesn’t think I can see him. However, when he comes in the house the secret cannot be masked.

Just like when humans eat or drink too much crap, we know we should not! The weight, and health issues it causes us cannot be hidden for long! You may not know this about me but the originating event that got me into politics was food! About ten years ago I was getting sick and could not figure out why. The doctors could not figure out the reasoning behind my debilitating tummy troubles, inflammation, skin rashes, and breakouts. I was frustrated but refused to take “I don’t know.” For an answer.

So, I started doing my own research, several articles and books I read said to focus on digestive health. I watched an abundance of documentaries that exposed how our food is grown and processed. Learning how governmental regulations were written by and for large corporations that did not care about your health, they cared only about making money. Light bulbs were going off in my head left and right! I had more knowledge now I needed to do something about it! (Besides complain!)

I started by eliminating foods from my diet in hopes of healing myself. I had no idea just how horribly bad the processed and fast foods were for my body! I learned so much that I did not know before and slowly stopped eating processed foods. I cooked more whole foods and removed wheat and dairy from my diet. It took many years and a lot of intentional healing of my digestive system before I felt better and get back my energy. Oh man, the tiredness and lack of energy were the worst! I kept me from enjoying life and kept me homebound when I could have been out having fun.

The point is, I discovered when I ate like poop, I felt like poop! Crops grown with insecticides that are meant to explode insect’s stomachs are in processed foods that humans eat. It does not wash off, and it doesn’t go away just because they put cheese on it! The modernized monoculture food system has been modified for convenience and cost not for health. The taxpayers are basically subsidizing processed foods like Doritos, sugary cereals, and ice cream instead of whole foods that are healthy.

Corn, wheat, soy, and dairy are the ‘big agriculture’ crops that tax dollars subsidize. We now have so much of it, we need to do something with it! Have you ever read the back of a tuna can?! There is now Soy in a can of tuna…. Why is there soy in our tuna? We must buy a $4.00 can of tuna if we do not want to eat the processed tuna with soy in it for a lot less money. Not to mention the pesticides liberally used on the grain crops that feed our families.

I believe the more information we have, the better choices you make. Which is why I wanted to remind you and myself, that even though processed and fast food is easy and quick it is not good for you! It is a habit that is easy to get into and it really is easy to be broken. I am proof!

I have fallen off the healthy train many times, and I can always tell when it is time to get back on. When you know better you do better. When you eat better, you feel better! A new healthier, happier body, mind and spirit is waiting… My body tells me when it’s time to get back on track and I bet yours does too. Here is the friendly and caring advice I give my best friend Gus this winter. Don’t eat poop!

Here is a list of documentaries you may find as interesting as I did! Most of them you can find on Netflix.

I find beauty in the imperfections. The way an old barn leans a little to the left and the red paint is wearing thin. I love the tenacity of trees contorted in unnatural directions because they are searching for the sun in an area just out of reach. I love a gap tooth smile or crooked grin that are genuinely, beaming happiness. I love when people’s imperfections make them beautifully humans.

I love it when my husband works for weeks on making an antique head and footboard into a bench for me. then when it is complete to discover the seat that opens for storage sticks just a little. My husband feels that he didn’t do it well because it wasn’t perfect.

I believe that the bench we made together is perfectly imperfect. I love that this bench required planning, teamwork, and a talent we both have that compliments each other so we could complete the bench project together. To me, this bench is perfectly imperfect.

I love it when my littlest family member hands me a dandelion puff and reminds me to find the joy in blowing those dandelion seeds all over tarnation! I love when I see a three-legged, one eyed dog who is the kindest creature you will ever meet. I love old dogs. I love when it rains all day and you can toss your yard work “to do’s” in the for-later pile.

I love how my friend speaks of her passion and I see the energetic enthusiasm driving her to do what she loves. I find beauty in refinished, repurposed, and refurbished old items that become useful once again. I find that when we look for the good in someone or something; we usually find it.

I find that when I appreciate the beauty in things that are not traditionally beautiful; I am able to find the beauty in myself and others that may not be evident at first. I love a grumpy old man in overalls with a stubborn streak and a good sense of humor. I love how old people and innocent children have a genuine kindness in their eyes. I love how the biggest, toughest looking men have the greatest hearts.

I love when broken and hurt people use their experiences to help others. Some choose to share their experiences in hopes to stop someone from making their same mistakes in life. Other’s help to ease another’s pain by listening to them. Often drug and alcohol counselors have been down this path before and now choose to help themselves by helping others through their healing journey. To me this is the beauty of the imperfections in humanity.

I find beauty in imperfections because there is no such thing as perfect. Perfect is unattainable but we all seem to have the urge to reach for it. The funny thing is that one person’s perfect may look nothing like the next person’s version of perfection.

I like to think that it is our imperfections that give us our own unique personality and make us who we are. I do my best to love someone because of their imperfections and not despite them.

I strive to always see the value in imperfectly perfect. This means to love something as it is, not what you want it to be. I believe that to be able to practice acceptance and appreciation for those who are imperfectly perfect in their own way, is the definition of true love.

I believe we should first try this, by practicing this philosophy on ourselves.