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"Yeah, I know. Yada yada, rhyme scheme, yada yada prophecy. Look, I'm tired, this is the first night in a while where I wasn't beaten into unconsciousness. I'd really like to just enjoy my ni-"You know not what power you possess,you won't get any reprieve from rest."

"Really? Just ignoring me? Can you leave me alone? Please? At least for tonight. Because I would like to have a decent night's rest. I've been marching with two morons looking for their friend, all while being berated by one of them. Not to mention some new tag-a-longs that seem to have picked up on the abusive stuff-"

"Ah ha! An actual response! Now I know what tactic to use! LALALALALALA-"

"SHUT UP, YOU OVERGROWN DIBBUN!"

Huh, that one didn't sound like-________________

THWAP!

I've begun to notice that the sound of a stick hitting someone is much more pathetic than it should be. I mean, stinging pain and possible injuries to your very bones, and the most someone else hears is about the same sound as a rubber band smacking the back of someone's neck. I'm just saying, if getting hit by a blunt instrument hurt as much as the noise caused by it suggested, I would have far less reason to hate each and everyone of the things surrounding me.

... That's a lie, I'd still have every good reason to hate everyone.

Speaking of which, one of the reject sidekicks for Squirrel Girl was hovering over me.

At first, it had been a hassle trying to discern the squirrels from each other. With the rabbits, there was moustache man and the bane of my existence. Oh, and the other one. Still don't know where she is. Anyway, with the squirrels it was a much different case. Two of them were females, two were males, and one still had me on the fence. The one that just got done giving me the medieval wake up call was one of the guys.

"Which one are you, again?" I asked. I can't honestly remember if he had ever given his name.

"Giddup." He growled.

"Well, Giddup, I'd love to, really, but I think I might have trouble with that, what with the whole BEING TIED UP!"

At this point, I should think nobody reading this is surprised at my being bound with rope. One doesn't just punch a military officer and get away with it. On the upside, I'll never not feel proud of myself for my actions. Sure, my face is probably a sight for sore eyes. Getting punched a minimum of ten times a day will do that. Granted, half of them could have been avoided if I learned to stop making sarcastic comments, but holding those in would be more painful than any beating. Being tied up with rope was more annoying, especially when one factors in bathroom breaks. Or eating. Or everything.

"Not my problem." 'Giddup' sneered. He was the second bulkiest of the squirrels, and carried around an axe. I'll admit to laughing when he tried boasting around the campfire about how many vermin he'd taken down with it. The hilarity came from two things.

A. He was trying to intimidate me, and he failed miserably. More importantly...B. He was trying to impress the rabbits, specifically Sparrow.

The big oaf seemed to be a bit smitten with the shrill beast. Where the attraction came from, I'll never know. Maybe he's a sadist and he likes seeing her abuse me, maybe squirrels just have things for other animals (if that's the case, then there's a discovery channel documentary that I need to avoid), or maybe it was just the fact that she was the only available beast around.

Willow was the tribe chief, and apparently that meant she couldn't have any "mates" as they called it. Bit of an odd custom, but hey, that's probably the least bizarre thing I've encountered throughout my two week long journey. Also, she's got the best wit out of any of these schnooks, and it'd go wasted on the big moron. He basically gift wrapped most of the insults he received.

The other female was his sister, and thankfully incest isn't a thing that happens here. I mean, I suppose I don't actually know that, but I sort of need some security that this isn't the most terrible thing in the entire universe. Anyway, her name was some sort of combination of a tree and an appendage. No clue why her parents gave her that name, perhaps they weren't too bright. Considering who else they had for a kid, it really wouldn't surprise me. She was fairly quiet, but also much larger than her older brother. Her face was also the most heavily done in paint, a thick coat of white all over her head with red around the eyes and black on her snout.

The other guy was about the same stature as Willow, and seemed the most laid back. He hardly ever seemed to notice me, and any time he was forced to stand guard over me, he more or less just made small talk with me. He gave me his name once, but I forgot it rather quickly and resorted to calling him Roadkill. He was confused, but I assured him it was a name of great respect in my culture. Since he was talking to a large feline supposedly named Don Juan, I doubt he was all too suspicious of whether or not I was lying.

The final member of this odd little bunch was the mute. Roadkill said something about them losing their tongue a while ago to a rat with a knife. I'll admit to giggling at that, because the thought of a rat with a switchblade and greaser jacket came to my mind when he was telling me the story. Said giggling prompted a punch in the gut from Sparrow, though whether that that was from me laughing at a story of someone losing their tongue or just because I was experiencing joy, I don't know.

Anyway, back to the plot.

"I assume it would be your problem. Either you help me up, or you carry me. Your call." I tried my best to sound confident while keeping eye level with his feet.

There was a bit of silence that followed.

"Yeah, didn't think of that one, did ya?"

"Shut up."

As I was being hoisted up, I looked around.

My head had been laying comfortably on a moss covered log, about a yard away from the thirty-fifth clearing in the woods we'd camped at. I'm beginning to think this forest was designed by a certain Batman villain.

After the little incident the week before, I wasn't allowed to sleep near the campfire. Instead, I was plopped in any area somewhat close to the camp, and someone else was in charge of making sure I didn't try to wriggle away during the night. Unfortunately, tonight was Giddup's night.

"Listen, I think I can manage not screaming anymore, I can just go back to bed." As much as I'd gotten used to it, I wasn't really in the mood for another beating.

"The other hare just came back, and she wants to have a word with you."

Oh thank God I'm not the only one who doesn't know her name, maybe he can ask for... oh, wait. Rabbit + Me = Not Good Times. I'm now less excited.

"So does 'have a word with you' mean beating or combo of insults and beating?"

"Her call." He said smugly.

As we entered the clearing, I saw the Willow, Sparrow, Kenwall and good ol' whats-her-name standing around the fire, quietly discussing. Roadkill and the mute were snuggled together closer to the supplies and Giddup's sister was nowhere to be seen.

Kenwall turned away from the conversation and noticed us approaching.

"Really, you couldn't just untie him and let him walk with you? You really had to carry him?" Kenwall asked. Willow sighed and shook her head, and the third rabbit just looked dumbfounded. Really, it's a shame I don't get along with these folk, because I very much agree with all of their reactions... except for Sparrow, who was just glowering at me.

"Can't be too careful with vermin." Giddup said as he put me down. I was about to ask for the third hare's name, but then I noticed something he said.

"Wait, did you just call me a vermin?"

There was a small silence, followed by the big oaf merely saying, "Yeah."

"Look who's talkin, you bushy tail rat! What kind of bull sh-"WHOMP!

I doubled over as Sparrow removed her fist from my abdomen. That was usually one of the more tender spots.

"How many times I gotta tell ya to show some manners, wot!" Sparrow said in a snippy voice. Honestly, her annoyed voice is a much more aggravating sound than her enraged voice.

"How... fnnngh dimmmn..."

"Wot was that?"

"Gimme a sec, I'm waiting for my kidney to move back into place. Why do you always have to resort to violence? It is never necessary!"

"That's an opinion." Willow stated matter-of-factly.

I received a light tap on the shoulder. I straightened slightly and looked at the silent hare, who merely motioned for me to follow her. She started to walk closer to the edge of the camp, away from the others. I hobbled towards her, still awkwardly tied up and in pain. Once we moved five feet into the trees, the rabbit started talking.

"It's good to see you're still alive."

... Was that a positive comment? No, no, I will not be suckered in. I am not lowering my guard. This is gonna be followed by a spear butt to the face, I bet.

"I'd like to start by saying that I'm sorry for all that you've had to endure. You're very strong to have gotten as far as you have."

It's a trick. I'm not falling for this.

"I promise, I'll make those savage little morons pay for what they've done to you."

I-I'm not... I'm...

She hugged me. "And after everything is finished, you'll go back home to your... Nebarska?"

She... I... Oh my God. "Nebraska."

My world collapsed. For a solid month, I had been beaten, dragged through who knows where, and all the while I kept my thoughts away from home, trying not to think about my friends, my house, my family, my life...

"Are... Are you crying?"

"No." I lied through my very unflattering sounding sobs. My eyes were blurry, my nose was running like a waterfall, and my entire body felt weak. Weak from the multiple bruises, weak from the surroundings, weak from trying to put up a stoic and cocky front. "What makes you think I'm crying?"

"Wot in blazes is going on here?" I heard Sparrow come from behind. I didn't even turn to acknowledge her. I didn't care about anything at that moment. Hell, I didn't even bother to make a dumb one-liner.

A/N: Quick little note, thanks again to the fabulous poet/writer/reviewer/good-ol'-buddy-of-mine Mica. Y'all need to take some time out of your day to go over and read his story, it's the bee's knees, the snake's feet, the YOLATT's writing schedule, and some other thing that doesn't exist that may or may not be used to describe just how damn nonsensically good it is.____________________________________________________________

"So, I'm allowed to eat birds?" I inquired, casually munching on some sort of fruit. It tasted awful, and my new dental structure wasn't too happy with it, either.

"You'd have to kill it first, but yes, you can eat birds," Kenwall responded, munching on his fifth fruit. Both he and Sparrow had chowed down through their daily provisions and were sitting on the opposite side of the campfire from me. Kenwall leaned back on the log and let out a yawn. Sparrow took slow deliberate bites, her brows scrunched down and not giving any sign that they'd return to normal. The same could be said for the scowl on her face. To be honest, I think it might just be physically impossible for her to smile.

"But they talk?"

"Some do, aye, some talk."

"Are those... so those ones are off limits? For eating? Right?"

The silence that followed led me to believe that I might have been a bit confusing in my question. That, and the dumbfounded looks on their faces. I mean, was that really that idiotic of a question?

"Where exactly are you from again, Don?" Kenwall inquired.

"Nebraska," I repeated for the fifth or sixth time. That hour.

"Indeed... and that would be where?"

Oh God, I am not going through this again. Time for alternate conversation topic #7.

"So, how come you don't have a thick accent like the other rabbit?" It was a question that had been bothering me for some time. I think Sparrow was doing some sort of bad cockney, but to be fair I've never actually listened to a Cockney person speak. From what I hear, Dick Van Dyke was not too accurate in his portrayal of the people.

Man, I wonder what folks around here do for fun if they don't have movies and electronics and such. Besides torture and beat me, I mean. Well, maybe they still have plays. I mean, jesters were a thing in the medieval times, right? How far back did theatre go- oh crap, Kenwall's been talking this whole time. OK, what's he saying?

"That's why I don't share the same speech patterns as the rest of my brothers and sisters in arms."

Yeah, figures I tune in right after he actually answers my question... wait, he's looking at me. Oh crap, does he expect me to follow up on what he said? Oh... uh...

"Huh."

...

Alright, try to keep it going.

"So, you're the only one, then?

"With my accent? Aye, I suppose. If you're asking about general accents, Rodie does contain a pretty noticeable one."

... Do I know that name? He said it really casually, maybe it's a friend of his.

"Who's Rodie?"I never realized how bushy Kenwall's eyebrows were until I saw them furrow as he looked at me in confusion. Sparrow explored the variety of emotions that only she could feel... so in other words, she just continued to glare at me. Thankfully, a timely interruption occurred at that very moment.

"WHO GOES THERE?" The trees shouted in a boisterous tone.

Immediately Sparrow had her javelin in hand, and Kenwall grabbed a bow. I went for a weapon of my own, but the tip of the javelin pointed towards me as I moved, so it looks like I'm without a weapon.

"Who are you?" Kenwall called back.

"I ASKED YOU FIRST, YOU GREAT BIG FURBAGS!"

Alright, more English accents, at least less Dick Van Dyke-ish.

"I am Kenwall Waship Juvial, Colonel of the Long Patrol!"

"AH, A HARE."

How observant these English trees seem to be.

"I am Sparrow of the Long Patrol!" Sparrow called out, her javelin back to pointing towards an extended branch. I'm beginning to think this scenario is a bit silly.

"YOU ARE A RABBIT, NOT A SPARROW!" The voice stated with annoyance. "I DO NOT ABIDE LIARS! WHAT OF THE THIRD ONE?"

Oh goody, now it's my turn to converse with the vegetation. "I'm unimportant!" I called out. In hindsight, this answer might not have been my best idea, but I was getting a tad bit annoyed.

"WE'LL BE THE JUDGES OF THAT!"

Leave it to the British to be judgmental.

Wait, if I'm making a stereotype about someone else, does that mean I'm judgmental? Oh great, not only am I a talking cat being held hostage by rabbits talking to trees, but now I'm a racist hypocrite, too!

...

I'm losing my mind. God I need to get back home.

My attention was brought back to my surroundings as I saw a few odd shapes scamper down from the trees.

"Good day hares. Allow me to introduce ourselves. We're what's left of the Jugalong tribe, and my name is Willow."

It was a squirrel that said this. A squirrel with war paint on its face and a bow draped across its back. I'm sure that one might think after all the shenanigans I've gone through in just this past little while, I'd quit getting awed by the increasing ridiculousness of my situation... but one would overestimate my ability to adapt and cope with BS.

"K great, bye." I packed up a few of our supplies and made to leave, but a familiar pointy object pricked my back.

"Show some manners cat!"

... Welp, I'm about done with this.

"Rabbit, you can either take that stupid stick from my back, or you can get ready to eat it."

"Was that a threat, cat?"

"Wanna find out?"

"Hey, now, let's all of us just calm down." Kenwall tried pulling Sparrow back, but she brushed him off. Meanwhile, the suspiciously Chinese sounding named tribe was circling me, bows in one hand, arrows in the other. In any other circumstance I'd be nervous, but I'm taking part in a Disney short mixed in with Camelot, so no, nervous isn't really a mood that can be had right about now.

"So, Willow, am I to assume your friends' names are Oak and Birch?"

"Was that supposed to be a joke?" She asked.

"Depends, are you actually intelligent enough to grasp humor?"

"Aye, though it seems you're not smart enough to use it." She quipped back.

"Touché." Alright, so she seems like a winner. "Welp, it's been fun guys, but I've had about enough of this."

Sparrow snarled. "Wot exactly do you plan o-"

I decked her in the schnoz. The punch so hard I was sure I broke a bone in my fist, but God did I feel great at that moment. I mean, yeah, the resulting blow to the back of my head reminded me that the retaliation was probably going to be horrible, but... uh...

So, what with college interviews, scholarship deadlines, and the ever present threat of homework, I've had little and less time for writing. Overall, these last months have been very stressful, and inspiration refuses to touch me.

UNTIL TODAY!

And by that I mean that, while my schedule is still very hectic, I've been recently clearing more time for writing and some other projects. Bloody Fantastic has moved from hiatus to in progress yet again, and, as a personal apology for the lack of updates and content, here's a very small video from the lovely Just Imagination Studios that I got to voice a little in. It was a real pleasure working with them, and for the length of time it was, I think the video was pretty good. Even if I sound a bit awkward in it compared to just about everybeast else.

So anyway, just a small update and all. I won't give a definitive date on when to expect the next piece of content from me, other than it'll be before April, I can promise that much. XD

So, what with college interviews, scholarship deadlines, and the ever present threat of homework, I've had little and less time for writing. Overall, these last months have been very stressful, and inspiration refuses to touch me.

UNTIL TODAY!

And by that I mean that, while my schedule is still very hectic, I've been recently clearing more time for writing and some other projects. Bloody Fantastic has moved from hiatus to in progress yet again, and, as a personal apology for the lack of updates and content, here's a very small video from the lovely Just Imagination Studios that I got to voice a little in. It was a real pleasure working with them, and for the length of time it was, I think the video was pretty good. Even if I sound a bit awkward in it compared to just about everybeast else.

So anyway, just a small update and all. I won't give a definitive date on when to expect the next piece of content from me, other than it'll be before April, I can promise that much. XD