From mud huts, umqomboti and straightback to penthouses, expensive weaves and moet!

Memoirs – Chapter Twenty Six

I think selective hearing happens in most marriages and relationships. People choose to hear what they want to hear in a conversation especially when angry and when not paying attention. I had told my wife about my work trip and me going with Lindiwe. We are Xhosa for crying out loud so how could she even fathom that Lindiwe would be a man. Secondly I do not believe in fighting or arguing in public especially when you are married. It shows an united front especially when you fight in front of people who know you. It’s not only disrespectful to you but to them. Its downright embarrassing and classless. When you work for private firms they do not care whether or not it is uncomfortable whom you go with on work meets as long as you get the job done. Imagine going to report to my bosses that I cannot go because my wife was not comfortable! I think the day that happens a part of me will die. I do admit two weeks is a long time but if I was to make partner someday which ironically would benefit my wife and I someday I had to make them. At times I feel my wife does not understand that all the luxuries she enjoys do not come from me writing romantic notes. We are not living off the land here I have to work very hard for us. Now that she had a job in her head everything would just balance out. I had worked too hard for us to get to this stage and jealousy was not going to make us develop any faster. She will just have to be strong!

I asked her outside as politely as I could without losing or raising my voice either. She defiantly crossed her arms and said no she wants to discuss this here and now. I do not recall my wife ever being like this that’s why I was not sure how to handle this. Fortunately Lindiwe excused herself as she could see that the situation was getting too tense. My wife had really shown what a stellar woman she was to my colleague. When Lindiwe walked out I made every effort not to raise my voice. I reminded my wife that this was my job, it pays our bills and if she was that uncomfortable I can buy her a plane ticket and she can come with because come what may I was boarding that plane in five hours. She asked me why I had not told her I was going with a woman and again I reminded her of the conversation her and I had had. She had known but in her head she had not perceived her to be a threat until she saw her in person. That’s another stark difference between men and women. Your girlfriend or wife will never ever appreciate it if you have female friends or even colleague you talk to that she reckons are prettier than her. That much you can forget. That girl either wants you or you want her if you are not already doing each other! That’s how girl world work. Most females in fact will feel threatened by their own friends if you smile at her too long! The irony in this case was where looks come into the fray my wife would win this contest any day. It explains why she was not threatened by Khanyi because in my wife’s eyes Khanyi could not compete with her so why bother! Its no wonder then why men often cheat with women considerably less good looking than the wife! It’s easier to hide and not raise her eyebrows!

My wife was conflicted after this. She sat down and told me that she was very uncomfortable with this. I asked her why all of a sudden she did not trust me because before I had worked with many people and she had never felt threatened yet now she was beside herself. She told me that now that she worked she could see how much temptation there was at work. I had to pause for a moment there? Temptation? Who was tempting her I asked her immediately? I had been working for so long and had never brought home ‘temptation’ and she had been working three days and already she was talking about it? She seemed startled as to how I had turned the conversation but she had to answer. She said no one was tempting her but she was not blind to how some men at her work looked at her. I told her cold that I will bury them myself if they even dared. I don’t know how it was funny because she laughed when I said that but I was serious. For all our faults married men will and should fight for their spouses and I was no different. She asked me if I did not find Lindiwe attractive and I told her straight up that I did find her attractive but not in a sexual manner. She was a smart successful woman who did great work hence why I was happy to work with her. It my wife an awkward moment to figure it out in her head. If I had said no she was not attractive my wife would have called me a liar in the mood she was in.

It took me an hour to convince my wife that she had nothing to worry about. She was even late back from lunch when she left but I doubt she would be in trouble because Khanyi was working with her. I had to go find Lindiwe so we could finish our preparations. On my way there at first I thought I should just ignore what had happened and pretend it did not happen but I realized it would create an elephant in the room. When I found her I apologized about my wife’s behaviour. Nothing boosts a woman’s ego more than knowing that she intimidates another woman especially because of her looks. Career women do not like feeble minded women and tend to look down on such women. She had lost her respect for my wife she had any to start with. She said it was fine, that was my problem and not hers as long as it will not create problems for us. She then snidely said,
“Next time when you go ask for permission from your wife please go with a picture so as not confuse her.”
She said that with a cold smile but I doubt very much she was being sarcastic. Family issues must never come to the work place I told myself again.

At five we left. My wife could not make it to the airport so I called her from there. She seemed better now and was actually cracking jokes. I guess she had come to terms with it. She concluded by saying that her big boss was throwing a small get together this weekend and she had been invited!

This man was relentless! I was not even going to be in town to stop her! I asked her if Khanyi would be there and she said yes because Khanyi was the one who insisted on it!

When the player gets played!

****The End*****

Mikeatdiary
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
@diaryofazulugal

Dear Mike

My boyfriend recently proposed to me and I said yes. Its what I had always wanted but now barely two weeks on I have my doubts. I am not so thrilled and its almost underwhelming to be honest. I do not know what I expected but I know for certain I am not so thrilled about it. Is it just nerves or there is something deep to this. I love my boyfriend and I have nagged him to do the right thing to be fair but now that he has well, I am now uncertain. Please advise me before I make a monumental mistake.

Sistaz u r so confused its not even funny,if you dnt want the poor guy to marry u,let go and let him go and stop acting like a headless chicken,bcoz u have been nagging him for a long tym,now that he’s made up his mind,u want to back ddown

the underwhelming feeling is all too familiar, maybe its bcos ur boyfriend took much longer to proposed that subconsciously you got over the idea of being his wife. the same happened to me. once you ask for something and it takes time to arrive you somehow get over it. but if your guy and mine had proposed at the time that you hinted youd be thrilled. take your time weigh your options and do whats right for you.

Whatever you may believe bhuti this is Khanyi’s game shem, she may make you feel like you’re THE MAN but you’re not she’s holding the cards.

Q&A – Sisi there’s something called intuition it’s a deep rooted conscious that we all possess and I suggest you do not ignore it. You need to have an introspection and give yourself sometime to get to the bottom of why this is somehow not in tune. Good luck.

@ Isaac……eish u killed me hey….lol.
Plus the word Runnaway bride.Sounds like a good name only on movies mxm kannete in real life nna leya mbora.Today u need this tmrw that.Even if we can tell u wat to do u will still going to be confused.Darling at dis present moment ur da only ya tsebang wat u want or say wat u need.Good luck.

@Runaway Bride eish this is difficult, sounds to me like you were pestering your boyfriend before you were ready to settle down yourself and you still aren’t. If you were ready then you would not be having second thoughts so soon into the engagement! Anyway you need to thin very deep about this and not want marriage because you think you are getting old and want to settle down (as most women tend to think)!!!

Thanx Mike. I bet the wife uyena ozolahla kuqala even before Mxo does it with Khanyi, and Khanyi will know about Andiswa’s slip up.
A to Q: you’ve hit it right on the nail Isaac, besides Runnaway Bride does not even say if the guy has done something wrong, she just feels like that,…Pity the guy you’re marrying.

I’m a 30 year old woman who hasn’t started feeling the pressure abt marriage, if anything it scares the shit out of me. Its exactly these things that this guy goes thru & talks abt that makes me fear marriage so much, there r just not guarantees its a risk 1takes all in the name of luv. Maybe I’m not matured enough but I’m still not sold on marriage shame…. Or maybe I haven’t meet that special sum1 yet….

Hi guys, I am also the new kid on the block and so addicted too.Great job Mike!!!! Guys, marriage is not an easy route. Take your time, do your checklist and be certain on what you want. Otherwise, you will be unhappy for the rest of you life.