Q: What can I do when my husband refuses to believe that his “just friends” friendship is an emotional affair? When I catch him in a lie, he doesn’t even feel bad about it. He told me that he looks at it as “what you don’t know won’t hurt you.” What should I do?

-Juanita C.

A: Hi Juanita,

An emotional affair is definitely detrimental to a marriage, so let me begin by saying that you are absolutely right to be upset and concerned about this situation. The fact that he is lying about it supports your instincts and increases my concern. I strongly disagree with your husband's “what you don’t know won’t hurt you” philosophy.

Emotional affairs typically start out as platonic friendships but often turn into physical relationships. Getting emotionally closer to someone other than your spouse throws the door wide open to infidelity and creates a distance that is devastating to your partner. As a matter of fact, most marriage experts perceive an emotional affair as cheating without the sex! So, in a nutshell, your husband is dead wrong on this one and his “just friends” defense is driving a wedge into your marriage. I suggest you make a call to a marriage counselor and go immediately. If your husband refuses to go with you, as husbands in this situation typically do, go by yourself. You are right to be worried about this situation, Juanita, and NOW is the perfect time for you to take action. Make that call today, because when it comes to emotional affairs, I strongly disagree with your husband. What you don’t know can definitely hurt you.