A humorous view of politics, religion, human behavior, and insights toward everyday happenings by a single guy living in downtown Chicago.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

The Quest for Rabbits

Recently, Miss Healthypants and Iwanski discovered that their Cadbury bunny chirps along in perfect sync with the theme song to Hee Haw.

I know!

I was just as amazed.

You can view it here.

So, MHP and I began to think of ways we could make this video even more outrageous. We decided to create a dance to go along with it -- a Country & Western version of the bunny-hop or something.

But then, I thought, “Why stop there?” How about if we do the dance while eating fried rabbit?

I know!

So I began searching for fresh rabbit. I recall seeing it at Whole Foods Market (No doubt, they were organic, free-range, vegan bunnies raised on farms powered exclusively by wind turbines.) so I called WFM to make sure they still had fresh rabbit.

No, they don’t. It turned out that the rabbitular quality of their purveyor had gone downhill and they weren’t selling it until they found another one that met their high standards. Maybe their rabbit farm began using regular electricity or something.

They sell only fresh poultry and rabbit. Really fresh poultry and rabbit:

A one-stop shop for Santeria practitioners and chefs alike, this spot buzzes with live roosters, chickens and rabbits. You can have your choice prey killed, skinned and wrapped up on the spot, ensuring the freshest meat around.

Oh my gosh!

In other words, you go in and say, “I’d like two pounds of rabbit please,” and they reach into a cage of cute, furry Easter-type bunnies, grab one by the ears, and take it in the back, kicking all the way, where you hear the sickening thud! of a meat cleaver.

I wanted fresh rabbit. Not a Santerian sacrifice.

But then, where did I think the nice, fresh rabbit at Whole Foods came from anyway? At some point, it too was an Easter-type bunny, struggling away until the meat cleaver had done its work.

I think there would be a lot more vegetarians around if we all had to pick out an actual, live animal to be hacked to pieces anytime we wanted a bucket of hot wings.