Thanksgiving Is for Turkeys

I’m sitting out Thanksgiving this year. Not because I am un-American, but because I’m full.

Listen . . . do you hear that? Those annoying squawking sounds are the desperate cries of the nation’s turkeys, sensing doom. Inside their tiny brains, they know that they about to peck their last bits of fallen corn before they are sent cruising at an altitude of 350 degrees for four hours before landing on oversized platters as the starring feature of Thanksgiving dinner.

As a Shabbat hostess, I make Thanksgiving every single week.

I mean no disrespect to this great American tradition. Few other advanced civilizations have the audacity to give thanks for the Lord’s bounty while simultaneously consuming more calories in one sitting than the average Gambian will consume in an entire lifetime. But as far as I’m concerned, you can take this turkey-crazed holiday and stuff it. The reason is simple. As an inveterate Shabbat hostess, I make something akin to Thanksgiving every single week. Wine, freshly baked challah, a soup or salad appetizer, a main course with three or four side dishes, and delectable desserts. Shabbat is our sanctuary in time from the demands of work, the lure of online shopping, and the challenge of finding parking in a crowded metropolis. It is, if I may be so bold, even more extraordinary than Thanksgiving, so I happily roll up my sleeves and log many hours in the kitchen each Friday to prepare for it. This is why I need another holiday that requires cooking like I need my kid to lose her $425.00 orthodontic retainer. Again.

I understand and sympathize with average Americans who get all worked up and a little neurotic about Thanksgiving. After all, for them, preparing special meals for a crowd is a novelty. Faced with the prospect of cooking a formal dinner for a dozen or more people, they tune into The Food Network as if awaiting the ultimate revelation, download recipes that promise their big birds won’t emerge from the oven drier than the Negev in August, and call radio psychologists for advice on surviving a three-hour meal with relatives whose personality quirks and passive-aggressive natures make them break out in hives. They also have to put in a good word for the Pilgrims at the table, no small feat these days because the children have been taught at school that the Pilgrims were evil imperialists who came over on the Mayflower specifically for the purpose of committing genocide on Native Americans. Oh yeah, and Cousin Randy is bringing his new girlfriend, who is gluten-intolerant. You call this a holiday?

We Jews are used to all these challenges and then some. Long ago I learned the secret of cooking a turkey that earns rave reviews (“So moist I bet you ordered it from a restaurant!”) Don’t ask me how I do it. I said it was a secret. I’ll just say this: A turkey is really just an overgrown chicken, so don’t be intimidated. If you still insist on being intimidated, just buy the turkey breast. Now stop pressing me for more details. When I said it was a secret I meant it! As for dealing with difficult relatives, that’s too long a megilla for now. One day I may screw up the courage to write about this – under a pseudonym.

For the sake of our non-Shabbat observant relatives, I used to make Thanksgiving dinners with all the trimmings, except for candied yams, something whose very name makes me just feel borderline diabetic. I tell you, I knocked myself out for those spreads. I was determined to show our extended family that while I may have become kosher and Shabbat-observant, I still had that rah-rah American spirit and could cater a 3,500 calorie feast just like anybody else. I decorated the table with cute little paper cut-out Pilgrim caps and carved acorn squash and yellow crookneck squash into the shape of a turkey. At least, it was supposed to have been a turkey. Mine actually looked like a gerbil, but that was entirely unintentional.

Sure, I had plenty of leftovers to serve for Shabbat the next night, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that Thanksgiving was, well, redundant. This is what happens when you are Jewish and already give thanks dozens of times each day, for everything from the rhapsodic experience of seeing a rainbow to the blessing of having a bottle of overpriced, ph-balanced water to drink.

I think it’s great that Americans still celebrate Thanksgiving. I say, the more thankful we are as a nation, the better, even if it is accompanied by a nearly comatose collapse on the couch to watch football and a walkathon the next morning at the mall for the blow-out pre-holiday sales. But I’m sticking with my weekly Shabbat meals. They are easier on the waistline, though I do sometimes sneak in a little prayer that the calories in dessert won’t count as much because I’m only eating it for the mitzvah. (Well, a woman can dream, can’t she?) I serve these meals on my best dishes, and if you bring a gluten-free, or vegan, or cayenne pepper-intolerant guest to my table, I’m ready with forty-eight hours notice.

Once I gave up trying to stuff in one more holiday into my already busy holiday entertaining schedule, I had even more reason to give thanks. And I’m not alone: those other squawking sounds you hear are those of at least one of the nation’s turkeys, thankful that I am not after him this November.

About the Author

Judy Gruen is the author of several books, including the newly released The Skeptic and the Rabbi: Falling in Love with Faith. Her work has appeared in the Wall Street Journal, Chicago Tribune, Los Angeles Times, Boston Globe, Jewish Action, and many other media outlets. She is also a writing coach and book editor. Read more about her at www.judygruen.com.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 15

(10)
David,
November 26, 2012 9:27 AM

Simple Solution

You could have a Thanksgiving-themed meal on the Shabbos of the Thanksgiving weekend and invite your extended family to that. This way they will have the nostalgia of Thanksgiving with you and discover Shabbos without feeling like they were invited for that purpose.

(9)
Shari,
November 24, 2011 3:52 PM

Blown way out of proprotion

Wow, did you open up a can of worms! I think Jackie Mason describes it best, although he meant it for Jewish holidays: we were persecuted, we won, let's eat. Shabbos is Shabbos, and Jewish holidays are Jewish holidays, but what about being grateful to our hosts? If you go to someone's house for a meal, would you walk away without a thank you because you could have eaten at home anyway? There is absolutely nothing wrong with being grateful to the instrument of G-d's mercy. Thanksgiving isn't a religious holiday in the sense that you have to thank G-d and this country by going to church or observing religious customs that are in conflict with ours. And isn't it better to have at least one day of recognizing gratitude than none at all? Also, most of the time in order for us to spend time with family it has to be for an entire Shabbos or holiday. On Thanksgiving you can have more people over, just to be together on a day off, without having to worry about housing everyone. I think people should stop making such a big deal about this, and just enjoy an opportunity to celebrate. If you don't want to prepare the elaborate meal (and I agree that with having to prepare Shabbos tomorrow I don't need the extra kitchen time), order a pizza!

(8)
Anonymous,
November 23, 2011 12:21 AM

Neurotic! Novelty! Redundant! Part II

If it was not for the Pilgrims who knows if Jews would have survived the persecution in every country having no place to go. I think we owe them our respect and appreciation. Yes lots of native lost their lives like in so many other countries. Other countries have their own stories.
Neurotic, Novelty!!! I have made dinner for my children and friends for as long as I can remember sometimes twice a week thanking G-d for having them. Thksgvg is no novelty its part of America’s traditions for which we are so thankful to live in. We also are far from being neurotic as most people feel that way too. Maybe you got enough cooking Shabbat diner and don’t feel to cook anymore but then, don’t implicate the rest of America! I find your words disrespectful to everyone and to a country, which accepted you the way you are.

(7)
Feigele,
November 23, 2011 12:18 AM

Turkey or chicken is analogous! Part I

You prepare Shabbat diner every week, I suppose you have been making chicken for many years! Now that is redundant! Isn’it the same as turkey, which is only once a year? Yes it is a very abundant meal but you can restraint from abusing it and it can be done very healthy too.
I believe that thousand of Jews make Shabbat diner too but still enjoy Thksgvg dinner too with family and friends. Why compare Shabbat diner with once a year Thksgvg diner instead of enjoying the freedom of doing it? What is doomed for one is very exciting for so many.
Thksgvg happened to be celebrated in America in remembrance and to honor the ancestors who created this country for you and your children, with their lives and terrible hardship. Thanks to them, we Jews are here today and free to exercise our rights, to practice our religion in peace. When I first came to America, my mouth stay wide opened in front of a kosher pizza store or seeing Jews read their Jewish newspaper everywhere with no fear of being apprehended, when I remember my father in Paris hiding it as did other Jews. Kosher food is everywhere here unlike in other countries.
Part II next...

(6)
Paula,
November 22, 2011 11:50 PM

Sorry you are so overworked that you cannot enjoy a holiday that
ipertains to this nation for a reason. Yes the meal can be over
blown and stress us to the max. But then we miss the true meaning which is thanks to Ha Shem for freedoms few other peoples enjoyed in such abundance & fellowship with family and friends. PS As they lived close to water, they probably had fish not turkey anyway. Blessings

(5)
Anonymous,
November 22, 2011 3:20 PM

Funny but we're vegetarians- Don't kill a Turkey.

Funny but we're vegetarians- Don't kill a Turkey.

(4)
Sami,
November 22, 2011 3:03 PM

Thanksgiving is for Turkey's

Well written and oh so funny article. I love Thanksgiving and always celebrate it pretty much like the article says. Loads of cooking and cleaning up after but so well worth that time. Thanks for a bright day making article.

(3)
Sarah,
November 22, 2011 4:45 AM

Judy — You're patriotic, funny and inspiring, all in one!

I've lived in the US and in Israel — it's true, in Israel, Orthodox Jews don't celebrate Thanksgiving. Or the Fourth of July. Actually, they don't celebrate those holidays in Canada, either. Nor does anyone, anywhere outside the United States.
I grew up attending Orthodox schools in the US, and yes, we pledged our allegiance to the flag, studied Civics and Government, and were taught how grateful we need to be that this incredible country of KINDNESS has welcomed us, treated us with tolerance, and provided us with a safe, equal opportunity haven. As Jews, we know what it means to live in less just and idealistic countries.
That said, the patriotism of the Orthodox is generally more grateful and loyal than it is Pilgrim-related; mostly because as Jews, many people don't relate to the Protestant Forefathers as, well, their forefathers. Brilliant statesmen, yes. Idealistic New World builders, yes. Just not our own ancestors. It's a different relationship, but no less profound or meaningful.
Allen, you sound angry, but maybe there are other issues there in trying to relate to grandchildren growing up in a different culture. All kids in the US have to learn US History; it includes the Pledge, the Constitution, the Declaration, and a whole lot more.
Try to enjoy your family for who they are, and that will help your grandchildren to grow up enjoying you for who you are. Believe me, it works.

(2)
Allen Blum,
November 21, 2011 5:44 PM

If you live in America you best Respect the American Holidays

I am Jewish and i Respect all the Jewish Holidays and Traditions, However I am not Very Religious. My son in law is Orthodox, and I respect the fact that he believes in Judiasm to it's highest degree, however I just find it hard to believe that like he, that whether you believe to the Nth gegree or not, this is America, in fact The United States of America, and if it is good enough to take Government Handouts, then it should be good enough to celebrate all U.S. Customs and Holidays that concern this great country that has allowed you to live here!! It behooves me to see my Orthodox Grandchildren to go to School on important American Holidays where Public School Children are home with their families to celebrate what this great country stands for. I am sure that Orthodox Children do not learn The Pledge of Allegance, and if that is so, then it is a total disgrace.
Allen

Devorah,
November 22, 2011 6:18 PM

I went to Orthodox Jewish Day school...

...and we recited the Pledge of Allegiance every single day.

Anonymous,
November 22, 2011 8:54 PM

Respect vs celebrate!

Respecting ,in my opinion, does not require that people are involved in celebrating a holiday. I never have celebrated Christmas but I do not consider it disrespectful! Nor do I understand why one would! So, this nation stands for Halloween and Valentines Day? Where is the fact that we have freedom here, to celebrate our own culture while respecting other cultures. Learning the Pledge of Allegiance is important but not as valuable as behaving properly. I am sure your Orthodox grand children are well behaved, and do know the Pledge, while those in public school may not behave, while reciting the Pledge. Public school children do not celebrate that many holidays, important or not, with their families. They go to the mall, movies, video arcades, eat fast food, etc. They would benefit more if they stayed in school and were taught the importance of the holiday, especially ones like President's Day, Labor Day, Veteran's day, etc. They may be home on Thanksgiving, Easter and Christmas, but that's it! And I don't see how the country benefits or receives respect by non-Christians celebrating the two religious holidays!

Devorah,
November 22, 2011 9:38 PM

Orthodox Patriotism

Allen,
Gratitude is a major value in Judaism. I went to Jewish schools and was taught the pledge of allegiance. That does not mean that there is anything un-American about learning Torah on "national holidays." Would you agree that X-mas and New Years are Christian holidays? And while national holidays like Veterans Day used to mean something, unfortunately today many Americans spend them in malls taking advantage of the sales! Better your grandchildren spend the day learning the word of G-d than that they fritter away the day engaging in the pasttimes most American children today engage in. I promise you will see the difference in the way they grow up as compared to their American peers.

Anonymous,
November 23, 2011 12:32 AM

...I know it!

I went to a Bais Yaakov school, grew up Orthodox, and am proud to say that we pledged allegiance to the flag every day in elementary school, sang patriotic songs and learned about our democratic government. I was brought up to recognize and appreciate the "medina shel chesed", "government of kindness-America" that G-d, in HIs Kindness, has given to us.
P.S. I even know why American celebrate Thanksgiving. Can all American students in public schools answer that?

My nephew is having his bar mitzvah and I am thinking of a gift. In the old days, the gift of choice was a fountain pen, then a Walkman, and today an iPod. But I want to get him something special. What do you suggest?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Since this event celebrates the young person becoming obligated in the commandments, the most appropriate gift is, naturally, one that gives a deeper understanding of the Jewish heritage and enables one to better perform the mitzvot! (An iPod, s/he can get anytime.)

With that in mind, my favorite gift idea is a tzedakah (charity) box. Every Jew should have a tzedakah box in his home, so he can drop in change on a regular basis. The money can then be given to support a Jewish school or institution -- in your home town or in Israel (every Jews’ “home town”). There are beautiful tzedakah boxes made of wood and silver, and you can see a selection here.

For boys, a really beautiful gift is a pair of tefillin, the black leather boxes which contain parchments of Torah verses, worn on the bicep and the head. Owning a pair of Tefillin (and wearing them!) is an important part of Jewish identity. But since they are expensive (about $400), not every Bar Mitzvah boy has a pair. To make sure you get kosher Tefillin, see here.

In 1944, the Nazis perpetrated the Children's Action in the Kovno Ghetto. That day and the next, German soldiers conducted house-to-house searches to round up all children under age 12 (and adults over 55) -- and sent them to their deaths at Fort IX. Eventually, the Germans blew up every house with grenades and dynamite, on suspicion that Jews might be in hiding in underground bunkers. They then poured gasoline over much of the former ghetto and incinerated it. Of the 37,000 Jews in Kovno before the Holocaust, less than 10 percent survived. One of the survivors was Rabbi Ephraim Oshri, who later published a stirring collection of rabbinical responsa, detailing his life-and-death decisions during the Holocaust. Also on this date, in 1937, American Jews held a massive anti-Nazi rally in New York City's Madison Square Garden.

In a letter to someone who found it difficult to study Torah, the 20th century sage the Chazon Ish wrote:

"Some people find it hard to be diligent in their Torah studies. But the difficulty persists only for a short while - if the person sincerely resolves to submerge himself in his studies. Very quickly the feelings of difficulty will go away and he will find that there is no worldly pleasure that can compare with the pleasure of studying Torah diligently."

Although actions generally have much greater impact than thoughts, thoughts may have a more serious effect in several areas.

The distance that our hands can reach is quite limited. The ears can hear from a much greater distance, and the reach of the eye is much farther yet. Thought, however, is virtually limitless in its reach. We can think of objects millions of light years away, and so we have a much greater selection of improper thoughts than of improper actions.

Thought also lacks the restraints that can deter actions. One may refrain from an improper act for fear of punishment or because of social disapproval, but the privacy of thought places it beyond these restraints.

Furthermore, thoughts create attitudes and mindsets. An improper action creates a certain amount of damage, but an improper mindset can create a multitude of improper actions. Finally, an improper mindset can numb our conscience and render us less sensitive to the effects of our actions. We therefore do not feel the guilt that would otherwise come from doing an improper act.

We may not be able to avoid the occurrence of improper impulses, but we should promptly reject them and not permit them to dwell in our mind.

Today I shall...

make special effort to avoid harboring improper thoughts.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...