Where are you? What are you doing?

Well… really? I’m here. Waiting. But the BEST news is this: there are only 6 more days until the Chicklet arrives! THANK GOD! I think I have found a way in the River of Denial these last few torturous weeks of waiting for her to travel once we had her travel date. I am still dumbfounded by why the travel arrangements took so long to make – but I shouldn’t complain. I have travel dates for my baby and I know other adoptive families are in the midst of Waiting-HELL, a place when you have no dates, no deadlines, and no information. Waiting-HELL is over; but the waiting is still here.

I’m sorry I have not been posting as much as I would have liked to. You see, life in the Gobsmacked household has gotten busy. Today is my last day teaching (next week is Spring Break) and it is like “Finals Week” with all of the grading, lesson planning, preparation for my long-term sub, notes for my students, letters of recommendation writing, etc. It’s manic, to be sure, but I manage to find time to tell each individual student in my classes (all 145 of them) why I have loved and enjoyed them so this year in class. It was great to walk through the class, shake hands with each student and tell them what gifts they have brought to our class and me, in particular. I’m amazed I could do it without getting teary. I love my job and my students… AND I have a tendency to cry at good, sappy Hallmark commercials – so heck! I thought for SURE that I would break! But nope, I was good.

I feel badly about taking a break from blog writing. Truly, this is a personal outlet. NOT a venture for a earning money nor a career change (although I’m proud of my fellow GF bloggers who have brought so much to our community through their professional writing contributions etc). This is not the job I want. I want to blog because I love to reflect on life this way. It’s peaceful, actually. Taking time to sit and write about the things we have cooked or baked together as a family and sharing recipes and life with you all.

In March, I turned 40 years old. FORTY! Who knew time could fly so fast? I certainly don’t look “forty” (whatever that looks like!). I remember thinking how OLD forty was when I was in high school. I don’t feel the way that I anticipated at forty. In fact, I think I rather enjoy it. And I’m looking forward to 50!

For my 40th birthday, my family (Mom/Dad and sister from MN) flew in to celebrate with me. One of my two sisters lives here and she hosted a party for family and friends. It was nice to have some adult time with my teaching friends. (Thanks, family, for the fun!) We had veggies trays, hummus… and well, to be honest – too much food! It was lovely.

My Love and I spent time with my parents on Tuesday evening. It was lovely just to have some time with the two of them. My mom was talking to me about dinner and eating. We had a heart to heart about how sometimes being on a special diet makes things complicated; especially emotionally. My family is grand. They like to do things on the fly and just plan to “grab something” as they are hungry. What is difficult for me is that sometimes this “grabbing” means stopping for sandwiches, pizza, etc. All things I can’t just “grab”.

I explained this to my sweet Mom who told me that no one minds that I don’t eat what they eat. I think I was finally able to explain that it wasn’t about not eating the same thing; it’s about the emotionally feeling excluded from the fold. Not being able to “grab a bite” wherever we are means having to plan ahead when everyone else isn’t. It means having to figure out what I can/cannot eat from whatever menu or location we land at on the fly. It means grilling waitstaff of the minutia of the salad ingredients and STILL getting croutons or tortilla strips or BREAD ROLLS served on top of whatever could have been gluten free but is now most definitely not.

Sometimes the internal emotional well that I feel in these social situations is overhwhelming and it makes me quite melancholy or withdrawn. Sometimes I get irritated at the lack of consideration for the fact that MAYBE, just MAYBE I don’t *want* to eat a plain salad someplace again. And then there are other times when I feel like baggage or a burden or a pain or .. well… like I just don’t want anyone to notice. So, in my own self-protective way, I plan ahead and plan again to make sure that I have access, people understand why I’m vigilant and I can not have blood sugar bounces that create a crabby-Kate.

Now that I’m planning for the same even blood sugar for the Chicklet (packing snacks and healthy foods in to diaper bags and figuring out access to “emergency”/”feed the baby NOW” foods), I’m realizing just how much MORE important these past few years of planning ahead practice are going to be for me.

Yes, I know my schedule is about to change dramatically for the better (or even for the stinky diapers). Now, I need to plan and plan again. No one needs a Crabby-Mommy-Kate because I am stuck eating the six pieces of iceburg lettuce that I found listed as a “salad” on some menu somewhere. So, I’m packing ahead for myself as well.

What do you have on hand for yourself?

How do you handle this emotional divide that can sometimes creep in thanks to our separate diets?

What do you do when you have no control over the what, where, how and when of eating in your life?

I’m off to finish grading more papers. Maybe I will finish by Monday.
I’d better. I have more important things to worry about!
After all, I have a BABY coming!!!!!!
Wahooooooooooo!
Happy GF Eating, All!
~Kate

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26 comments on “Where are you? What are you doing?”

Kate, once I flew from Detroit to Nashville. When I got to Detroit, a woman was there with a baby from Korea. She sat next to me, and we began to talk, and I quickly learned that this adorable baby girl was going to meet her adoptive family in Nashville. The baby had flown the longest leg of her trip with a US soldier, a dad, who’d agreed to be her travel guardian as he returned home.

She sat near me on the plane, we were a row apart, and that little girl was the belle of the flight. All of the passengers sitting around her knew that she was going to meet her new family.

Some rule kept them on the plane until the very last. I don’t remember why, but they could not depart the plane until everyone else was off.

My parents were waiting for me, and I told them the about the baby. Her family was EASY to pick out of the crowd — they all had signs and balloons and still cameras and video cameras and HUGE SMILES!

We stood and waited for the lady from the adoption agency to emerge from the plane with the baby girl and hand her off to her new parents, and when she did, we could not hold back tears of joy.

I didn’t know them — we were strangers, but oh, the joy and happiness we felt for them in that moment was so BIG!

Every time you post about your baby girl, I think of that little girl I met on the plane. She is in loving hands, well taken care of, cherished by those who have her as she is on her way to you.

I’ve not met you, either, but my joy and happiness for you is so BIG! Much love to your family.

Penny – Thank you SO MUCH for this wonderful comment. It makes a world of difference in this numbing wait. We are excited and I can not even begin to imagine the moment we meet her eyes with ours – let alone when our hands and fingers finally touch. THANK YOU for giving me a story to glimpse in to and dream about for these next few days! – Kate

Hi Kate! Congrats on the chicklet coming home! Your life will be blessed for sure! In response to the emotional, travel, etc. issues with celiac – I sooo understand. I am celia/G.F. for 13 years now and still my siblings (I have 7!) don’t get it! My friends and husband on the other hand are wonderful! It just reinforces for me the uptmost need for a supportive environment – always! My family of inlaws don’t get it either – so when we travel to visit – I plan, plan ahead. Bring my own food – or the most of it. It can really make one feel outcast, not normal or out of the picture. But planning ahead does help for sure. It’s sad, but I actually have one sister who thinks it is all in my head, boy in the bubble cyndrome! Oh well, bless my friends and hubby for their loving kindness – and of course you and all the other wonderful Gluten Free Bloggers in the world. There is tons of support in the cyber world – thanks so much for your blog, recipes, and insights.

Oh Kate, I’m so excited for you. Sooooo excited. And so happy for you. Hooray!

As for eating out, my new favorite ‘grab a bite’ place is five guys (http://www.fiveguys.com/home.aspx). The only thing they have that’s not gf is their burger buns (meaning their fries are SAFE! and so good!). They’re all over the place.

Otherwise, I eat before I go out, and usually order just some plain meat- a burger, a piece of grilled chicken, fish, etc.

The best way to overcome that divide that shows up when someone feels weird about what I can eat is to feed them something I’ve made. Once someone tastes whatever cookie/cake/pie I have in the fridge, they aren’t all ‘ew, you can’t eat anything, all your food must taste gross’. I know it’s different going to a restaurant, but that’s the best I can do usually.

Kate, I am so excited for you. I love the comment Penny left as it perfectly expresses how I feel every time you post about your daughter. Less than a week until you are finally united with her! Don’t you worry about posting – I am sure so many of us have you on our feeds, and will be here waiting patiently to hear your stories about your new family. And in the meantime, we have os many fabulous recipes to make. I still make your wrap bread almost every sunday, and am thrilled that someone who has brought so much to the gf community, and to my life by sharing your recipes and experiments with us, is finally getting the child she has waited for. What a lucky lucky little girl!

I just found your blog today, via my daughter, and now you are going on a hiatus – too sad for me. But I understand completely and this new little one will just fill every minute of your life :))

Thank you for today’s post. As a mom, I thought of my own 2 daughters (1 vegetarian, 1 gluten-free) and I caught a glimpse inside their hearts. I think they feel the same way you do sometimes. And one of them is stranded in the Montreal airport tonight – her falafel pita long since devoured. Of course, her mom is worrying about her!

What a lovely post. I had similar feelings over Thanksgiving this year when there was some conflict over whether all of the pies would be gluten-free or whether there would just be a special gf pie for me. Obviously you understand that the point is not to eat pie but to participate in the ritual of Thanksgiving dessert as a family and that eating from your own pie doesn’t accomplish that. Thankfully, my husband was able to help his parents understand. I, however, still get so emotionally wrapped up that I have trouble advocating for myself. I’m working on it, but it’s a journey.

In answer to your other questions, when I have no control I usually have in my head a list of foods that can generally be found in a convenience store or airport (yogurt, v-8, dried and fresh fruit). Then I get it in my mind that I might not be eating just what I want but that’s it’s only temporary and that at least I have food. Recently, I was in the Philadelphia airport with little food–I went scavenging and found an Au Bon Pain with yogurt, HB eggs, fruit, and nuts.

I always have dried fruit and nuts on hand and also homemade Larabars which have also been a lifesaver for my 18-month-old.

How very exciting that your daughter will be here soon! Love hearing about your journey so far. Know you will be busy and don’t feel bad about not blogging. We know you will get to us soon!

I hope that I am sensitive to the people in my family (husband & daughter) that can’t eat gluten. When we eat together we are all gluten free. There is no harm in that. We try to celebrate the things that we can eat rather then dwell on what we can’t eat. We try to have “think thin” bars or “soy joy” bars in our bags and nuts. If we have a cooler than we bring yogurt. Fruit travels well too. If we are going out to eat then we only go to places where we know we can get gf food. We all need to enjoy the experience, not just a few of us. I guess we are planners too…not eating on the fly.

Sounds like your family really doesn’t get it or know how to be supportive. I have had the same issue with mine and that makes it so hard when you don’t have support. I just remind myself that we all have our **stuff** and then what a good thing that we get to pick our friends! Family are the people God gave us.

Congratulations – I’ve been reading you for awhile. Sometimes i just want to eat your pictures – they are awesome and a welcome inclusion as sometimes my recipes don’t look much like yours. I am a HUGE Bette Hagman fan and i think i found your site when someone posted that Bette had passed on to feed all the GF people in heaven i’m sure.

Yes – i’m on board with everyone – my number one GF snack for purse/pocket is nuts; sometimes GF pretzels. But nuts are more nutritious.

Thank you for your recipes and your blogging – i feel like i know ya.

Oh, apologies for the website it’s all jewelry – i don’t mean to offend anyone – but all the materials are GF.

Hi Kate, congratulations on your 40th and the upcoming marvels of motherhood! When I plan, plan and plan again, there’s one thing in my purse and diaper bag or whatever all the time: YOUR granola bars!! I make them twice a week (I have to since my not GF husband loves them and can’t leave them alone ;-))
I think I found our own divine combo of ingredients and will do a post on it as soon as I can find the time to do so…
Every time I pop the tray into the oven I think of you and your little one on the way. Hang in there!

Hi, Kate. I am so excited for you! Little girls are the best. Mine are 19 and 16, but still my little girls. We just got some exciting news. For most of her life, we thought my younger daughter had Celiac disease (as I do). It turns out it was a wheat allergy and she has outgrown it. What are the chances of that happening? She was tested and examined by a great specialist, so its all legit. So, I have my miracle and soon you will have one, too. Life is good!
Cindy

Hi, i’m new to comments-LOVE your site-been reading awhile-your pictures are good enough to eat. Been GF for 10yrs now before it really became “mainstream”. Bette Hagman’s books kept me alive. Congrats for your lil girl-come back soon-we want more adventures pls! hers&yours. I never leave the house w/o nuts, pretzels, cheese-sometimes i reach into my purse and what’s that squishy bag at the bottom-science project cheese! Its good to know others have had to get by on a plate of plain lettuce with a side of potato chips.

First of all, I am so excited for you and I’ve really enjoyed reading about you getting ready. I love how you are going to enjoy and appreciate this. I was watching Ophra today and she had all these moms on there talking about motherhood and quite frankly, some of them just didn’t appreciate it. These mothers felt like they lost part of themselves becoming a mother. I never felt the way they did. I had so many illnesses I wasn’t sure I would have kids, but I got to. I mean it’s hard, yes, but I felt I found myself when I became a mother. It’s all I ever wanted to be. I think you will feel that way too, because you will appreciate what it took to get there. I know it’s going to be fun reading about your adventures. It is the time of your life! Enjoy as best you can even the hard parts. They go quickly.

I think traveling gluten free and being out of the home and with others, is the hardest part of living gluten free. All that pre-planning. It causes me the most stress. I tell myself that the things we have to deny ourselves makes us stronger. That doesn’t make it any better or help! It is true though. And, it will help when the baby is here. You will already be good at it!

There’s almost no time left now, Kate, before your chicklet arrives! I am so very happy for you all.

The thing that has worked before for me is teaching everyone how to cook gluten free easily (my whole approach, but not unique to me). But, the family members have to be willing. My family is … my husband’s family (mostly) is not. And, that does hurt. But, I forge on. I also always make food that tastes terrific to share with everyone. I make dishes that are naturally gluten free and then tell them how I did it. So they love the dishes and slowly but surely they learn to make these dishes on their own.

As far as eating out, yes, salads get old. Many times i have a lot of choices though. Again, the group you are with has to be willing to go to spots that will be GF friendly or at least have some safe options.

Hi Kate:
I am thrilled for you and your husband, feeling blessed in my own motherhood.
I love your blogs and recipes. My husband and six year old son are Celiac, and my husband is allergic to eggs too. I really appreciate your recipes that are egg-free.
At my six year old’s birthday party, he asked me to make a big GF cake so all his friends would be eating his food for once. Most of the kids had second helpings. He has been a real trooper since his diagnosis a year ago. I have been trying to get him to bake with me so that he’ll be a baker too one day.
My family are variable about how accomodating they are. My step mother sees it as a challenge and recently made GF egg-free hamentasen for the Jewish holiday of Purim. She had to throw out the first batch. My mother sees it as a hassle to accomodate our family (there are also other allergies to contend with) and copes by picking the kids up pizza rather than having us over for a meal.
I have to admit I get fatigued from all the planning ahead. I would have loved to do some ski weekends this year, but couldn’t muster up the energy to pack up for absolutely every meal while away.
Luckily for us, there is a restaurant five minutes drive from us that is very celiac and allergy friendly and does celiac pizza. This place is a lifesaver for our family.
Enjoy your baby!

I am so excited for you!!
I am the only GF one in my household and it’s sometimes tough. Even though I’ve been GF for a year now, DH still offers me pizza/cake/bread/etc… and sometimes I just want to yell at him !!! I just politely decline. I think he still thinks it’s a matter of “not wanting to eat it” vs “being allergic to it”.
My mom isn’t that much better, either. She’s forever dieting and my diet is a polar opposite of hers. Food used to be the one thing we discussed freely and it doesn’t seem to be a “safe” topic anymore…
I’m not going to end this post on a sad note, though! Not with your happy news. I’ve been cooking and baking GF a lot recently and have made some fabulous things – many from your blog! Enjoy your new family and come back soon with more fabulous recipes !

Tomorrow is your big day! I hope you are taking a breathe and trying to relax a little bit today. You dont want to be tired and stressed the very first day. Have fun take lots of pictures the little things will be forgot all to soon! Keep us updated!

Happy Birthday and Happy Day! I am so happy for you, and wanted to de-lurk to tell you so. Cant’ wait to see a picture and hear all about it (I understand it’s going to be so personal, so write what you can when you can). Don’t stop staring into the baby’s eyes to write to us!!

My 4 year old and I are both GF, so I have to have food stashed away. My favs: nuts, nut bars, crackers and cheese, silk yogart, homemade granola, fruits and veggies (i’m lucky that way, the kids love grape tomatos, snap peas and carrot sticks.) peanut butter and honey mixed up to dip apple slices and carrots into. That’s always a winner, it’s cheap and easy too. Oh, and Sharkies. That’s the big treat and let me tell you I could get them to clean the house offering sharkies. http://www.sharkiesinc.com/product_info.cfm

I am a gluten intolerant twenty one year old female college student living in Tucson, AZ. For my cultural anthropology class I have chosen to do my semester research project on those who are gluten intolerant and how they create identity for themselves. I would be so grateful if you (or anybody you know that you could forward this to) found the time to fill out this questionnaire and consent form for me. I would need it emailed back by May first to dally@chef.net. Thank you so much and I look forward to your reply!

-Miss Dallas Scott

Gluten Intolerance and Identity Questionnaire:

Where do you live?

Where do you work and is where you work influenced by having this gluten sensitivity?

Where do you generally shop for food at?

Where do you go out to eat?

Do you generally go out to eat with the same people?

Does gluten have an effect on where you will and will not go?

Where do you spend a lot of your time? (home, outdoors, mall, downtown, or like me the kitchen! ect.)

What kinds of clothing do you wear? fabric types? Brands? What are the reasons you chose for example, cotton gap jeans instead of nike spandex shorts. Again does this relate to your gluten intolerance and issues associated with it (personally I don’t wear acrylic if I “got wheated” and am having a skin reaction because it makes the rash worse..)

What types of music do you listen to? You can list specific brands.

Are there any common slogans that you use on anything for example clothing or stickers. (ex: “Beat The Wheat!” Or “Bootin’ The Gluten!” or even “Gluten Free!” like the sticker I have on my car)

Do you use any slang term specifically related to gluten sensitivity? (like “got wheated”)

Do you have any other allergies and/or medical conditions?

What types of doctors do you choose to see and what kinds of treatment (acupuncture, chiropractic care, western allopathic, eastern Chinese, aryuvedic…)

What kinds and brands of supplements/ medicine do you take?

Do you seek out friends or wish to date those who are gluten sensitive as well, are you a part of any clubs related to being gluten free?

Do you want people to know you are gluten sensitive when you first meet or like me do you tell them after they’ve had your cooking

Could you describe what your reaction and emotions were when you first found out you had a problem with wheat or gluten, and the changes in the following months up until now. Have you found that your thought process has changed in certain ways? How has this changed your life?

Additional comments?

Informed Consent Form for Interview for Anthropology Research Project

Dear Gluten Free Gobsmacked,
This interview is being conducted as an assignment for an Anthropology class at Pima College, Tucson, Arizona, under instructor Dianna Repp (Phone:520-206-6067).
The information gathered will be read by Repp, and returned to the student. No copies will be archived by Repp.

I, _______________________ (print name), give my permission for this interview to be used for this Anthropology class assignment.