'An Act of Random Violence' (ep.96)

At the Imperial

(Wayne is in a relationship with Gabe Greenway, and it appears to be quite serious.)

Wayne asks PJ and Adam if they want to play a game of golf. They think that's really funny!

Wayne: Well?
Adam: What?
Wayne: You got wax in your ears? (Repeats himself) Would you like a game of golf?
Adam: (laughs) With you?
Wayne: Oh forget it. (He walks off unaffected)
Adam: Golf? He must be getting soft in the head.
PJ: (grinning) Oh no no no, he's in love mate. (Raises his eyebrows) *Love*.
Adam: Ohh, luurve.

'Fair Crack of the Whip (Part 1)' (# 100)

At Tom's house

At the Boss's request, PJ is checking up on Tom's pregnant daughter, Anna. PJ's asking whether Anna should be doing all that housework "in her condition".

'The Kremin Factor' (# 107)

In the station

Nick is answering the phone at the front counter when Dash arrives (in her first ever BH scene), wheeling in her bicycle.

Nick: (on the phone) Yeah well, we'll see you in a couple of minutes. Ta ta. (he hangs up)

Dash comes over, stands in front of Nick, and salutes him with a grin.

Dash: Constable Dash McKinley, reporting for duty.
Nick: Are you now? Good on you there, Dash. I'm Nicholas Schultz. (They shake hands) I'm very pleased to meet you. You must tell me what your real name is though. (He lets her through to the main station)
Dash: Ahh, no, you wouldn't want to know.
Nick: Yeah?
Dash: It'd make you spew.
Nick: We don't want that, do we?
Dash: (looks around) So where is everyone?
Nick: Well they're out working — Dash.
Dash: Right. (She puts her bike against the cupboards under the front counter.)
Nick: Actually, we've got a job for you too, you know. So jump into your uniform and out of your dancing shoes.
Dash: We don't waste any time, do we?
Nick: No we don't. It's a pretty busy station, once things get happening, we're always dashing here and there ... (calls out) ah, Adam, mate, will you mind the shop please? We've got to report a burglary at Allamane Road.
Adam: (coming through the back) What, another one? Whose place this time?
Nick: Kevin Freer's.
Adam: Right. (He looks at Dash) You must be...
Nick: Ahh, this is dancing Dash McKinley, and er, this is er, well this is your er, Adam Cooper. Yeah, Dash.
Dash: (smiles at Adam) Hi.
Nick: (tossing the keys to Dash) C'mon, you can drive. Show off your local knowledge.
Dash: Ahh, no, I'd love to, but I've lost my police license. (Tosses the keys back to Nick) Small argument between a rear bumper and a garbage dumpster.
Nick: Mmm ... the Boss is going to love you. Well, c'mon.
Dash: (turns to Adam) Uh, good to meet you Adam. (They shake hands)
Adam: (smiling) Yeah, you too.
Nick: Come on, I'll give you five minutes to change out of your uniform.
Dash: (going into the locker room) No, no, two's fine. (She shuts the door)
Nick: Good-o. (He walks over to Adam.) Ahh ... put your tongue away, will you please mate?
Adam: (laughs) Yeah, alright.
Nick: Yeah.

Tom, Maggie, PJ and a local come in through the front door.

Tom: (pointing to interview room) Alex, take a seat in there, I'll be with you in a couple of minutes. (Looks at Adam) Any chance of a coffee? McKinley arrived yet?
Adam: Yeah, she's just —
Tom: And where the hell is sh —
Adam: — getting changed. Nick —
Tom: (looks at the bike) And what's this doing here? It ought to be in the lost property cage. (He goes into the interview room)
PJ: Where's Nick?
Adam: Ahh, he's just on his way out to Allamane Road. Another cold burg.
PJ: What, another one?
Adam: Yeah, Freer's free range chooks this time.

PJ walks off muttering to himself.

Adam: Hey Mags?
Maggie: Mmm-hmm?
Adam: We should have some drinks for Dash or something.
Maggie: Yeah, that's a good idea Adam. What's she like?
Adam: (smiles) She's got amazing eyes.
Maggie: You know Adam, you never know when eyes might come in handy.

They both laugh.

* * * * * *

In the station

Dash comes in, followed by Adam with the lunches. She's only met Nick and Adam so far.

Adam: Thanks a lot Maggie. (He walks over to Nick with his lunch.)
Nick: Give us a big beetroot with it Adam.

* * * * * *

In the station

Adam, Maggie, Nick and Dash are standing around eating the lunches. Tom is out at the moment, and Dash has had a glimpse of him, but they haven't actually met. Dash has just asked Maggie if Tom's got a weight problem.

Maggie: Hey ahh, listen, just a word of warning. We ah, don't mention the Boss's weight.
Nick: Or his age.

At this point, Tom comes in through the back door. Dash doesn't see him because she's got her back to him.

Dash: You mean I've got to make special allowances because *my* sergeant's a fat guy with a complex about his age?

Tom's now standing directly behind Dash, with only the side counter between them, but she still doesn't know he's there. Adam, Maggie and Nick see him.

Adam, Maggie and Nick: (trying not to laugh) Hmmm.
Dash: Why doesn't someone tell him to go on a diet or something?
A, M & N: Hmmm.
Dash: He can use my bike if he wants, get some exercise.
A, M & N: Hmmm.
Dash: And if he's still a sergeant at his age, then that is his problem.
Tom: Well maybe your problem might be that you might never make it beyond Probationary Constable — you are, I take it, Probationary Constable McKinley. (Dash jumps and turns at the sound of his voice, and now just looks at him.) Am I interrupting, or have you quite finished? (Dash doesn't say a word.) Well you're obviously not planning to eat your lunch, so ah, you could just pop out and wash the general duties vehicle. It's just out there. Go on, go. Now. (Dash goes.)

* * * * * *

In Tom's office

The Heelers have just solved a case about a girl who went missing 18 years ago.

PJ: Well, I'm off home to write my article for the Police Journal ahh, "Mt Thomas Detective Solves 18-year-old Mystery".
Tom: No no PJ, why don't you take *all* the credit? (PJ nods with a grin.)
Maggie: Or, how about ahh, "Big Head Finally Cracks it".

They all laugh.

* * * * * *

In the station

Tom and Dash are the only ones left in the station. Dash goes into Tom's office before she leaves.

'Mind Games' (# 110)

Around Mt Thomas

PJ: You know that shrinks have the highest suicide rate amongst all professionals?
Maggie: Yeah? Well the police have got a pretty impressive record too, I'm here to tell you.
PJ: Yeah, that's different. We got genuine stress. Now shrinks, they're just plain crazy.
Maggie: PJ, the only stress you have in your life is deciding what topping you're going to put on your pizza.
PJ: Now that's important.

'Bewitched' (# 115)

In the CI office

It's the end of a long day, in which Maggie arrested her ex-lover, Roman. She goes into PJ's office, and their voices soon become raised. (Note: Most of these lines run over one-another because PJ and Maggie are both trying to shout over the top of each other, but I've typed it here like they are separate just so that I've got all the lines in.)

Maggie: You know you are so full of yourself, do you know that?
PJ: Listen, now you listen to me. I thought you'd want to know that the guy was married. I thought I was doing you a favour by telling you.
Maggie: Yeah, and you couldn't wait to tell me, could you. Do you honestly think that it didn't matter to me? I'll tell you what, you don't know me at all. And so much for that so-called friendship that we had.
PJ: Obviously I made a mistake, because I thought we had a friendship, Maggie —
Maggie: Now let me tell you something. Sex may dominate your life but it *doesn't* dominate mine!!! Now you *stay* out of my way and you *stay* out of my life!!! (She strides furiously out the door)
PJ: Look, Mag — Maggie.
Maggie: Just *leave* me alone.
PJ: Maggie, just listen to me. (He walks after her)
Maggie: PJ, leave me alone!!
PJ: Listen —

PJ grabs her arm to stop her, but she turns around and hits him hard in the ribs. He falls, and she stares at him for a moment, before running out the door with an anguished cry.

'I Spy' (# 120)

In the CI office

PJ is due back from his annual leave, but he hasn't arrived just yet. Maggie is sitting at the desk in the CI office, writing something on a greeting card, and looking thoughtful. Dash suddenly opens the door and steps in, holding a few folders and bits and pieces.

Dash: Oh! Hi Maggie. (Maggie immediately stands up and hurriedly tries to shove the card into an envelope, with her back to Dash so that she can't see the card.)
Maggie: It's okay.
Dash: It opened up, I didn't think anyone was actually in here.
Maggie: No no no, you're right. There were just a few too many distractions, um, out there, so I thought I'd come in here and get some, some real work done.
Dash: Um, oh I'm just returning some of the stuff that I borrowed.
Maggie: Okay, that's fine.
Dash: Do you have any idea where this goes? (She holds up a stapler)
Maggie: (glances around) Um, top of the filing cabinet.

Dash strains her neck to see what Maggie is doing. Maggie eventually succeeds in getting the card into the envelope.

Dash: (grinning) So is that work is it?
Maggie: Oh this, yeah ahh, (she licks the envelope) it's actually um, just a note on some of er, PJ's briefs.
Dash: In a, a red envelope.
Maggie: Ohh, it's just an old thing that I found lying around.

She places the envelope under some of the papers on PJ's desk, and walks to the door. Dash smiles mischeviously and steps closer to the desk. Maggie turns around.

Maggie: Don't even think about it.

* * * * * *

In the station

Dash: (to Tom, after hanging up the phone) Um, Doctor Hamilton is waiting for us at the hospital. Do you want me to go and pick her up?
Tom: No, no, you and Cooper can start on Celia Donald, the rest of the estate agents. Nick can go and get her.
Nick: Why me?
Tom: Well why not you?
Nick: (screws up his face) Oh she's a piranha ... she talks to you, it's like she talking to —
Tom: Oh, just go, will you?
Nick: Oh, yeah alright.

* * * * * *

At the hospital

Zoe: Now, let me just make sure I've got this straight. You want me to assess the condition of the mother and the baby...
Nick: Yep.
Zoe: ...from what a three-year-old child tells me on the phone.
Nick: Yep.
Zoe: Can he string more than two words together?
Nick: Well you'd be surprised, Doctor Hamilton, 'cause PJ and he are having quite a chat.
Zoe: PJ! Communicating with a child? This I gotta see.

* * * * * *

In the station

Kanga (the three-year-old boy on the phone) is starting to get very upset, because his mother is still unconscious and won't "wake up". He begins to cry.

Maggie: Try taking his mind off it. Ask him ahh, if he, if he wants a story.
PJ: (into the phone) Okay, alright, now if you stop crying, I'm going to tell you a story. A very special story.
Kanga: (sniffling) My mummy tells me stories.
PJ: Does she mate?
Maggie: Ask him what his favourite is.
PJ: (sighs) Alright, alright, so, so what, what's your favourite one, what's your favourite story.
Kanga: Jack and the Beanstalk.

PJ puts the handset down on the table and looks at Maggie.

Maggie: Mother wants son to sell the family cow, he exchanges it for beans, he climbs a beanstalk, he tackles a giant...
PJ: (nodding) Oh, oh yeah oh yeah, yeah. (He picks up the phone again.) Mate, um, yeah alright, now, there's, there's this boy, right, and his name's Jack. Well, his mum wants him to get rid of this cow. She tells him to take the cow to this market. And when he goes to this market, he comes back, and he finds, he finds out that he's got beans in the bag! He's got plenty of beans, but he's been conned!
Kanga: What's conned?
PJ: Well, well it, it means that the beans are in the bag, instead of money. See? Now anyway, Jack's got this girlfriend, this very, very pretty — well pretty skinny girl, callled Olive Oyl. (PJ looks at Maggie, who smiles and shakes her head.) And er, Olive Oyl is ahh, well she's got this big grumpy man called Brutus, and he's a big giant —
Kanga: That's not the story!
PJ: Yeah, yeah, this is the story! That's the story, this is the story that I know. And now this Jack, um, you know, he's always, he's always er, eating this spinach, because he's a friend of Popeye's. (Kanga starts to giggle.) And er, and when he eats this spinach, he drops it down, really really big, and swallows it down, and after he does, he gets all this, he gets all this super-human strength!

By now, Kanga is laughing happily. Maggie is gazing at PJ with a smile on her face.

* * * * * *

In the patrol car

Zoe: Well you were right, he's an amazing little kid. It's just so frustrating trying to make a diagnosis over what a child tells you over the phone.
Nick: Oh you're doing alright.
Zoe: (turns her head and looks at him) Senior Constable Schultz — that's probably the nicest thing you've ever said to me.

Nick gets that classic "What a scary woman" look on his face that he always used to have around Zoe.

* * * * * *

At the hospital

Kanga and his family have been found and rushed to the hospital. PJ and Maggie are at the hospital, waiting to hear from Dr Hamilton.

PJ: You know, it's funny how protective you get over a kid you haven't even met.
Maggie: So is he what you imagined, the face at the other end of the phone?
PJ: Nah, I was too busy trying to find him. You know it's funny you know, it must be shocking being a parent, always worrying, "Are they okay, are they safe". Look, if that's what it means to be a father, nup, you can forget it.

Kanga suddenly comes running down the corridor towards PJ, followed by Zoe.

Kanga: PJ!!
PJ: (breaking into a grin) Hey, mate! (He picks up Kanga and swings him into his arms. Maggie gets a big smile on her face.) Look at you, hey! Look at you!
Zoe: Yes, he'll be fine, with a little bit of food and rest. His mum's in a satisfactory condition, we've stabilised Ellie. They'll just both be in the hospital a little longer. In the meantime Kieran's staying in the children's ward.
PJ: (smiling at Kanga) Yeah?
Kanga: Where's my train?
PJ: Your train? (He looks at Maggie) Er ... your train?
Maggie: Can you hear a train? (She picks up a big paper bag and holds it out to PJ.)
PJ: Look, there's a train! I reckon there's a train there. There you are. (He takes a big box out of the bag. It's a toy train set.)
Maggie: (smiling) Ta da!
PJ: *That* is a train.
Kanga: Thank you PJ.
PJ: You like it?
Kanga: Yup.
PJ: Come here. (He gives Kanga a hug.)

'Buck Naked' (# 124)

In the locker room

Dash and Maggie are talking in the locker room when Nick suddenly opens the door and walks in.

Dash: Do you ever learn how to knock?
Nick: No need to. I'm six-foot-four, sixteen stone and I'm a policeman. (He grabs something from his locker) So long.
Maggie: Oh, we were just talking about you.
Nick: Oh, thought me ears were burning.
Maggie: Mmm. So they should be.
Nick: I'll tell you what, you can tell me all about it down at the pub. There's a Halloween party on.
Dash: Ohhh. We've got nothing to wear.
Nick: Couple of witches like you, just come as you are.

He chuckles to himself and walks out, and Dash stares at Maggie with her mouth agape.

Maggie: Ha ha ha ha.

'Miss Mount Thomas' (# 127)

At the Imperial

(The Heelers have been investigating the claims of a woman who is in the running for a local beauty contest.)

PJ: I'm just trying to do my job Doyley.
Maggie: You could try doing it without your tongue hanging out.