What started as a personal journey of a doctor turned patient morphed into a way to share what’s universal in dealing with cancer, in my case a nasty leukemia (CLL), a failed transplant and a successful clinical trial. The telling of my journey has become a journey to teach about CLL, related blood issues and all cancers. Please visit our new website http://cllsociety.org for the latest news and information. Smart patients get smart care™. If you want to reach me, email bkoffmanMD@gmail.com

Monday, August 25, 2008

"Do you believe like I believe Do you believe in magic" The Lovin' Spoonful

PETER MAX

l'll tell you about the magic, and it'll free your soul

But it's like trying to tell a stranger 'bout rock and roll

The Lovin' Spoonful

Like most of you, I am not immune from magically thinking. If I expect positive results, I will get them. If I co-ordinate my 100th post (this is the 96th I think) with the day of the results of my engraftment studies, the news will be good. Even my daily meditation, if I am completely honest, has a magically twist. Though, as Tom Robbins and many others before him have taught you never meditate for purpose, but I am more of a Zen dilettante than Master. Meditation, like prayer, is all about connecting, not petitioning. But maybe, just maybe if I am disciplined and focused enough, and don't miss a day, then good things will come to pass. But just in case, I have the African malachite elephant talisman near my bed (thank you Jeff) and the work of Peter Max with his 60s iconic "Love" framed scarf staring at me from the wall across my room. I always wear my green stone necklace symbolizing rebirth carved by the Maori of New Zealand (thank you Rachael and Nick). And to be extra sure, every day at home I pass by a gilded Greek Madonna and a hand painted Buddhist Mandala from Thimphu, Bhutan and a Jewish prayer scroll, and a block printed Orthodox saint and an African healing mask and a Australian aboriginal dreamscape and a native American carvings and their pictures of mazes and Mayan weavings from Guatemala and more and more. Believe that I look under every stone for the magic. Talking about stones, I have painted stones from Australia, petrified wood from Arizona and red sand from the Sahara.I even had a signed hockey puck.

Less you worry, let me reassure you there is nothing new agey about my home. It is far to messy and chaotic to put on any blissed out airs.

More to the point, pictures of family and friends and pets in the hospital kept me connected with the why of my future. Their images magically keep the contact alive.

The magic is real. It is healing in that it reminds me of the bigger picture and the interconnection of us all. As the Police said, "We are spirits in the material world." Sometimes I think it is the other way around (We are material beings in a spiritual world), but that is a whole other subject.

The magic does not replace the science. I take my meds and wear my mask. For G-d sake, I pushed medical science to near its limits in my quest for a cure. The magic just does it work in a different plane. I am glad for it, kenahorah (touch wood).

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About Me

BkoffmanMD@gmail.com
A family doc and husband of 1 and father of 4 and grandfather of 3 who loves his family and his work. I live with no TV and no microwave, but wouldn't last a minute without friends, art, music, books and the beach. Hockey, good jokes and exotic travel are pretty important too. Writing, Talmud and Zen give meaning to my life. My diet is organic vegan, often raw. I hope the blog makes the load lighter and the path both safer and more fun for those who read it or are going to similar places. I want to help. I crave your comments. If you are new to the blog, check out the portrait my son Will painted (it is the first post), and my very first text post.