artificial insemination

Hello, I am Lisa Lafave, the Fertility Coach from Coaching Rocks, LLC. I am certified with the International Coaching Federation, and the Institute of Integrative Nutrition. I was originally trained as a Clinical Psychologist and have expertise in working with children and families. Likewise, I hold an Executive MBA.

Lisa J Lafave, The Fertility Coach

I am a single mom by choice and got my dream children after 15 years of trying multiple methods. I started my journey with surrogacy, but quickly shied away from it. Then I began artificial insemination, with the benefit of Clomid to encourage multiple eggs to release. I didn’t stick with this method very long, as I had some fundamental concerns. I had a number of illnesses, and was prescribed multiple medications. I worried about how I would exist, without the support of these medicines, if I were to stop them, while trying to conceive. Moreover, I worried about what impact these medicines would have on a developing fetus in my womb.

Next, I tried domestic adoption. I quickly learned that as a single, older mom, very few pregnant young women would want me to raise their child. These ladies were primarily looking for young couples to raise the babies they were adopting out.

I figured perhaps governments from other countries would be more forgiving. So next, I turned to international adoption, in which I attempted to adopt from Brazil. I had always wanted to travel to Rio andI was told they had babies there that looked like me! So I started my journey. I learned all the ins and outs of International Adoption. I completed all of my paperwork and received permission from both governments to get my children. I was seeking a sibling pair of two under 5 years old. I was simply waiting for the “cejas,” their equivalent of a social worker to pair me with my children. I waited, and I waited. After several years, 4 to 5 years to be exact, my adoption was halted by an argument, about the Haugue Convention, between Brazil and the United States. The governments simply could come to a resolution. Brazil ultimately told the United States that they had successfully adopted children out to other countries and didn’t the USA at all. That left me in the lurch! I felt like I’d been hit in the stomach. I needed to quickly readjust and change my game. To start with a new country, I would have to go back to the beginning and re-do my home study. I wasn’t willing to retrace my steps, with a new country in mind.

In the end, I jumped whole heartedly back into the surrogacy boat. During this phase of my process, I hired a contract lawyer, Jon Pinney, and was being coached through the surrogacy, by Ann Durand. This was crucial. This gave me two people to bounce ideas off of. This definitely helped me to speed through the surrogacy process and get my dream children at lightning speed.

Ann Miranda andDiana Olmeda

I used Surrogacy Alternatives Inc (SAI) to obtain my surrogate. SAI has been around since about 1998. I worked with both Diana Olmeda, the President and Ann Marie Aversano-Miranda, the VP. I would highly recommend them. They were very professional and extremely involved in every aspect of my process. I was guided by Ann Miranda to choose an excellent surrogate. My surrogate made a great difference in my overall experience. She was informative and kept me involved every few weeks with updates and what not.

My fertility lawyer was Rich Vaugn, of International Fertility Law Group, formally National Fertility Law Center (NFLC). In my case, my babies were mine, five months before their due date, in my surrogates body, signed off by a judge, in a court of law. This put me in a very comfortable position. I really didn’t need to worry about my surrogate was going to run off with my babies. I had the law on my side. Really and truly I never carried any of those fears in my heart. My surrogate was steady and knew she was doing this to help me create my family.

Dr Smotrich

Concerning the medical aspects of the surrogacy arrangement, I chose to work with Dr. David Smottrich from La Jolla IVF. Dr Smotrich was amazing to work with. He was straight forward and informative. His location is key. Not only is San Diego, California a hot bed of surrogacy, but Calfornia is ahead of most of the rest of the country, as regards fertility law. Fortunately for me, SAI, La Jolla , and NFLC were very comfortable working with one another.

I used an anonymous sperm donor (obtained from Xytec) who was 21 and an egg donor who was 19 to create my embryos. In my estimation, I was too old to use my own eggs. The two embryos were transferred to my surrogate, who was 26, at the time of the transfer. I was present during the transfer, and it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life, because I was actually able to see my babies on the screen. They simply looked like two bright pinholes of light on a gray background. I was so taken aback, that I could actually see my babies, at this very early stage in their development. What a moment! I surprised myself, by completely bursting into tears. Truly amazing! Never miss this moment, if you can help it!

My twin boys were born, at Kaiser Permanente of San Diego, when I was 49 1/2 years old, 13 months after consolidating all my efforts into surrogacy. I was present for the birth as well, which was another peak experience in my life. I cut the cord and damn near felt like I should be smoking a cigar!

You made my dream come true!

When the boys were 5 years old, I donated out the remaining two embryos to a known donor. In the end, unfortunately, no baby resulted from this thaw and transfer process. What I can tell you, is that embryo donation is a completely emotionally distressing process. And such a surprise. The emotions I endured seemed to come out of nowhere! Yet everyone seems to go through this same agonizing process. I only know because I am a member of closed Facebook group for embryo donors.

The CDC explains that in 2006 – 2010, 11.9% of women struggled with infertility. Of this group of 7.4 million women, 29% sought medical intervention to help them pursue their dream of having a baby.

This is merely to show that you are not alone. You may feel alone, but in reality many of the women around you are struggling with the same issues. Roughly 1 in 8 couples have to deal with issues of infertility. Infertility is a roller coaster ride of emotions. Anxiety, depression and irritability can make getting pregnant even more difficult. High levels of cortisol negatively impact fertility. Reducing negative emotions during the time you are trying to conceive is key.

Now, I know you want to look like her!

I would like to help you handle any of the obstacles you may have encountered in growing your family. I would like you to have your transformation from single person or couple, to family, faster than mine took. I would like to coach you to see your options and seek out the one most suited to you. Most importantly, I would like to see you can get that dream baby in your arms and be called Mom or Dad sooner, instead of later. I will be there for you every step of the way, in your journey to bring your dream baby home, no matter what method you choose. At Coaching Rocks we don’t merely drop you simply because you decide to go down a new avenue to bring your baby home.

Coaching Rocks is well aware of what a nightmare a woman and her partner may be experiencing as a result of not being able to get pregnant the old fashioned way, or by having traditional sex with her partner.

The American Society of Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) suggests that women have 5-6 days a month, when sexual intercourse is likely to led to pregnancy. Furthermore ASRM contends that on any given month, a 30 year old woman has a 20% chance of getting pregnant. In general, your chances of getting pregnant begin to plummet by age 35. Furthermore, the ASRM notes that by the time that same woman is 40 years old, her chance of getting pregnant, each cycle, goes down to 5%. If a typical couple has not gotten pregnant after a year of trying, it is time to get some assistance. For some, IUIs at home may be the first line of intervention or assisted reproduction.

IUIs at home stands for at home intrauterine insemination. IUI at home does not involve the use of medications. Although it is typically called IUI, it is really an ICI, or intracervical insemination or IVI intravaginal insemination. ICI or IVI are simply at home types of artificial insemination. ICI or IVI are slightly less invasive than IUI, which requires a doctor to be involved! Conversely IUI holds a slightly greater chance of producing a pregnancy. In IUI at home, a woman, may choose to inseminate herself or have her partner inseminate her, with sperm, through a “turkey baster” of sorts. The “turkey baster” is more technically referred to as an insemination syringe. In IUI, ICI, or IVI sexual intercourse is not used to inseminate the woman.

IUI at home is typically opted for by 1) a single mom by choice, 2) a single or married, gay or bisexual woman, or a 3) heterosexual couple. In each case, they are using known or unknown donor sperm, which was processed at a sperm bank. When a heterosexual couple is opting for this method the intended father has male factor infertility. In short, he is having trouble with his sperm, and is either infertile, has a low sperm count or has “slow swimmers.” Thus the heterosexual couple is opting to use donor or known donor sperm to replace to intended the father’s sperm.

One of the greatest attributes of this type of assisted reproduction is that it is non-invasive, fairly affordable, and can be done in the privacy of your own home, not to mention the fact that it can possibly involve your partner.

It is possible to buy an IUI at home kit, over the internet. The insemination syringes, as well as the complete kit, can be purchased for less than $100. A simple Google search will get you on your way.

The trickiest part of IUI at home (just like intercourse, for the purpose of pregnancy) is deciding when is the right time to be inseminated. Some of the science behind conception or fertilization and getting pregnant or implantation of the embryo into the uterine wall, yields some clues.

Fertilization can occur as quickly as 3 minutes after intercourse. Conversely, it can take as long as 5 days. You see, the sperm is released into the vagina and then climbs up the cervix, or the neck of the uterus, attempting to join with the egg, via spinbarkite mucus. Spinbarkite mucus’ sole purpose is to help your body get pregnant. Once in the cervix, the sperm then has to swim through the uterus and up the fallopian tubes. Generally, the sperm meets the egg in the fallopian tubes, which is where conception and fertilization take place.

The embryo then has to journey back down the fallopian tubes to the uterus, where it can implant into the rich uterine lining. All of this takes time. You are not literally pregnant, until implantation occurs. Implantation typically occurs 10 to 15 days after you have had sexual intercourse, provided an egg is available at intercourse, or becomes available within 5 days of intercourse. Six days is the maximum life span of sperm inside the female reproductive system. At day six the sperm dies. So although you have sex on day one, fertilization may not occur until day 5, and implantation may not occur until day 15. Implantation may occur as early as day 10, which is 5 days after fertilization. Said another way, implantation occurs 5 to 10 days after fertilization.

Thus in order to time your insemination wisely, you need to know when you are ovulating. Ovulation occurs one day each month. Once ovulation occurs, the egg will be alive for 12 to 24 hours. In order for conception to occur, the sperm must meet the egg, during this critical fertile window. Once a woman has a good sense of when she is ovulating, she has a much greater likelihood of getting pregnant. This is because she can then increase insemination just just before or when she knows she is ovulating. In fact you want to start trying to conceive 5 days prior to when you anticipate you will be ovulating. You can get pregnant 5 days before you ovulate, the day you ovulate, and sometimes the day after you ovulate.

So how do you know when you are ovulating? In an ideal situation, a woman has a 28 day cycle and ovulates on day 14. You may not always ovulate exactly in the middle of your cycle, and may not have an ideal 28 day cycle. Tracking your cycle and taking your temperature upon waking can yield clues. When you ovulate you will see a slight rise in your morning temperature. Vaginal discharge changes during ovulation. This is owing to the spinbarkite mucus that hangs down from your cervix, into your vagina, and serves as a wick for the sperm to gain easy access to the uterus. Spinbarkite mucus is clear and stretchy. During ovulation, some of it will drop right out of the vagina. Lower back and abdomen pain is another telltale sign of ovulation. Likewise, increased sex drive is another common symptom. If you still feel unsure, you might consider investing in an ovulation monitoring kit, which will detect hormones in your urine that indicate when ovulation is occurring. Being aware of these changes or using the kit will help you to predict when you want you want to begin IUI at home. Remember, you should begin IUI, prior to when you believe you will ovulate.

Many people are curious as to whether the sperm can benefit from the women laying in a horizontal position, after insemination, to aid the swimming action of the sperm. People reason that if the woman stands up, the sperm have to swim against gravity, as they try to reach the egg in the fallopian tubes. Thus they surmise that it would be easier for the sperm to swim faster to the fallopian tubes, if they didn’t have to fight gravity. Research about this is inconclusive. Some think the position makes no difference. Other studies suggest that laying down for 10 minutes after insemination, can enhance the chances of fertilization. As a result, when trying to conceive, many woman will lay flat or with their hips in the air, for 10 minutes after intercourse or IUI at home.

Keeping track of your progress is important. So take a moment and document what you tried and what the results were.

If you aren’t successful in 6 months, you should likely see the doctor to determine if you possibly have other forms of infertility, like female factor infertility, which may be a problem with the uterus, the fallopian tubes, your hormones, or the quality of the eggs released at ovulation or the frequency eggs are actually released each month. You may also suffer from endometriosis, fibroids or pelvic inflammatory disease, all of which can make getting pregnant and carrying a baby to term significantly more difficult. You may also have an undetermined infertility factor, in which the problem remains undiagnosed. Finally, you and your partner may have mixed infertility factor, in which the problem lies with both partners. If you are having additional problems, the doctor might suggest another method to help you get pregnant.

At Coaching Rocks, we know it is especially trying when you want to be pregnant and aren’t. This is compounded by seeing new mothers in the supermarket, pregnant colleagues at work, or close friends or family members, who are already living their destiny, with their dream babies when you don’t have yours.

Consider giving yourself as much self care as you can muster. Anxiety, frustration and stress simply compound your already present fertility issues. Try to relax and enjoy yourself. Consider doing some yoga, or another form of exercise. Eat well and be sure to take especially good care of yourself, as you are trying to conceive.

Once you’ve tried many and ruled out some of the others, it may occur to you that surrogacy is for you!

In my case, I started the old fashioned way, and progressed to surrogacy once my relationship with my boyfriend was over. I quickly ruled surrogacy out, and then went right through most of the other methods, just to end up back in the surrogacy boat. What you need to know is I spent 14 years trying other methods! Then once I embraced surrogacy totally I had my children within 14 months. My kids would be 19 1/2 and in college had I pursued surrogacy to its logical conclusion the first time. But then again I wouldn’t have Jarvie and Giles, if I’d done that, because I purchased their father’s sperm circa 2009 and found our egg donor around the same time!

I cannot say you will have the same speedy result I did, nor can I even say you will be successful at all. What I can say is that the doctor I worked with, Dr. David Smotrich, of La Jolla IVF, boosts a surrogacy success rate of 85%! Now that’s huge. He can have results like these not only due to his own prowess but also owing to the addition of youth being on his side. An embryologist once told me that youth trumps all in the fertility game! Never forget those words of wisdom. You want youthful sperm, youthful eggs and a youthful surrogate. Keep that in the forefront of your mind as you select those on your surrogacy team. Said another way, all three legs of the surrogacy stool must embody youth.

Surrogacy is costly, but it may be the means to end your suffering and make your dream of having a baby and a family come true. When you think of the ROI, it doesn’t really seem so costly. Go ahead get in the game. If you’ve got the costs covered, you really have nothing to lose!

If I knew then, what I know now, I would have done it sooner. I would have done it in a blink of an eye. Which would have afforded me the chance to be younger raising my children and a longer life with my children. My delay may seriously have cost me the chance to ever know my grandkids and my journey with my children is significantly shortened which costs all of us immeasurably. Go ahead. Get in the game! No more time to waste! Do it! Do it now!