I’ve sucked a lot of dick in my lifetime. So much so that I think it’s about time to pen a compilation of my best blow job tips. I endearingly refer to this field of knowledge as wisdom, collected over time from personal experience, accounts from male friends (gay, straight and bi alike) and hours spent reading how-to guides hidden behind the covers of textbooks. Behold, a simple-to-use cheat sheet for cocksuckers everywhere.

Look ma, hands!

In response to the question, “How do I give a good hand job?” a similarly wise co-worker of mine once said, “Put your mouth on it.” Using a similar line of deduction, I would argue that the reverse is also true. The best blow jobs happen in harmony with jerking off a dick. I never understood why we think of “hand jobs” and “blow jobs” as being distinct categories of sex skills that get their own separate tips. But hey, I’ve been instinctively using the combo ever since I started my blow job-giving days.

There are so many pros to this approach. First, it alleviates any obligation the sucker can feel to swallow the whole thing down. Unless you’ve been blessed with a predisposition for deep throating, there’s no way you’re going to get six-plus inches of sword into a three- to four-inch mouth cavity. Wrap your hand around what’s leftover of the base and stroke it in unison with the sucking. It’ll make the whole cock feel engulfed and tended to.

It also allows for multiple amazing sensations on his shaft rather than just the one. Once you feel good about using your hand, switch it up every few minutes if you’re in this blowjob for the long haul. Give some long, lapping licks to the whole thing up and down to get it real wet and slick, then start jerking it off with just some tongue flicks and little suckles to the head. When you’re ready to actually go down further, start with some deep, slow sucks without introducing your hands. Eventually, while on your way up, grab the shaft with one hand and incorporate by stroking down with your mouth and twisting your hand back up with your lips. Keep that motion going for a few minutes, adding your other hand for a double punch, and twist them in opposite directions.

Slobber on that thing!

The wetter, the better. Especially when you’re trying to use your hands and get a good motion going; you’re gonna need a lot of spit. To me, a sign of a good blow job is some spittle puddles on the sheets or accidental dribbles on his groin.

Do whatever you got to do to make it happen. Have a glass of water on the nightstand or use flavored lube like strawberry or mint to help you out. Another neat trick is to open your mouth real wide and press the dickhead against the back of your throat. You can even shake your head back and forth a bit on it if you’re feeling real into it. Even without taking it down your throat, it will trigger your salivary glands to produce more of that globby, slick kind of spit. Then you can stroke it in.

Balls are meant to be played with.

I understand this can be intimidating for some, considering we’re taught growing up that sex is just about the penis and the vagina and that testicles are sweaty, hairy sacks of grossness. But if a person keeps theirs reasonably trimmed and washed and you’ve reached the stage of arousal where they tuck into a tight, taught, convenient package rather than droopy hanging grapes, it’s perfectly acceptable to do something with them! It could be as simple as cupping or massaging the jewels or even poppin’ a couple in your mouth.

Add suction.

This seems like an obvious one, but “blow job” isn’t exactly the best naming for what the action entails. I’m not saying you have to have a vacuum seal on the cock for the duration of the fun, but you should be doing more than just simply bobbing your head up and down and putting it in and out. A wet, warm covering is nice, but most penis-havers need suction to cum because it mimics the tightness of a sex hole.

Be mindful of your tongue.

I know I’ve thrown a lot of things at you, what with the hands and the spit and the balls and the suction. You’ve got quite the duty ahead of you, dear cocksucker! But even with all of the elements needing to be incorporated for an awesome blow job, you also must remember not to let your tongue just lie there passively like a soggy piece of bread. Your tongue’s a powerful muscle—use it! Swirl it, flick it, wag it from side to side.

And most importantly, enthusiasm!

If you get none of the technical skills down, the most important thing is to actually give a fuck. It’s no fun to be on the receiving end of a blow job if you’re made to feel like it’s a chore for the other person. Make playful eye contact. Stare at his cock lovingly like it’s a delicious treat you’re drooling to get in your mouth. Tell the person how much you love their cock filling up your mouth. Moan like you’re being fucked, and it will come out all muffled and hot. Smile! Smize!