The Buzz

I can’t believe how long it’s been since the last time I sat down and just wrote. I can’t deny that this is one of my top three happy places. There’s something about letting my thoughts flow freely while I click away at the keyboard that’s calming to me. There’s something about putting those thoughts out there to share with the world that’s humbling and empowering at the same time.

Come to think of it, I haven’t visited the other places in my top three much lately, either. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I don’t have a book on my nightstand- all dog eared and inviting. I also haven’t rolled out the yoga mat in my living room to stretch all the tension out of my body. I let it happen again.

I let myself get caught up in the buzz and mess of my life. I like to keep that buzz on the peripheral, so I can focus on the important stuff. As soon as I stop taking care of myself the buzz gets louder. Then it snowballs and becomes this cloud of noise that follows me everywhere. I get cranky and overwhelmed, I get snippy with the people I love. If I let it continue (I’ve learned from experience), I start to feel unhappy. I feel like I’m constantly choking on this dense cloud of buzz that’s become a deafening roar. I forget how to control the volume.

I think the worst part is when I can’t hear, and I can’t see I’ve completely lost sight of my happy places, and I’ve lost sight of myself. The two go hand in hand. I end up making decisions that I wouldn’t otherwise make. I start agreeing to things that I wouldn’t otherwise agree to. I allow myself to be treated in ways I wouldn’t normally allow. I stop treating myself with love and care, even.

I’ll never get over how silly it seems that I make a living off of warning others about the buzz, but I still let it get me sometimes, too. I, too, forget that I’m actually really happy. That life is so beautiful if you can see it, and hear it through the buzz.