I'm feeling incredibly guilty.
because of the birth, I didnt get to feed sophie on the brest until she was three days old. it's never been right since. I've been trying to give her at least ione feed per day, but she's just not interested- she sucks a bit, then gets frustrated and cries. I've tried explaining to my oh how i feel-like a failure-but he just tries to help by encouraging me. this is great, but I dont need encouragement. i need someone to tell me it's ok if I give up.
I want to carry on, but it just frustrates her and me and she ends up having a bottle anyway. I'm hardly producing anything.

I'm also wondering, is it possible to have PND and not resent your baby? I love sophie to bits but there is something not right in my head at the moment. paranoia that I'll do something wrong , wierd or just plain stupid, depression about the smallest thing (I cocked up a curry last night and ended up crying for an hour), feeling slightly detached from everything, like I'm here but my head's not...

I'm aslo really scared about when my hubby goes back to work. he's currently the night-owl when it comes to sophie, but when he goes back he's starting on a night shift so I wont have him at night or during the day either cos he has to sleep. this is really panicking me cos I've not had to cope with her on my own at all yet and I'm scared.

i need help.

Thu Feb 23, 2006 1:42 pm

ibby_leeds

ED MEGA BABE

Joined: Tue Feb 07, 2006 7:18 pmPosts: 1396Location: leeds

have you had visits from your health visitor? i know they can sometimes be more of a hindrance than a help but they are supposed to be able to support you. otherwise i would maybe suggest calling an NCT breastfeeding counsellor. they don't advise, they just help you talk through what's going on and help you come to your own decision. have a look at their website.

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Thu Feb 23, 2006 1:46 pm

Angela549

ED frequent user

Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 1:12 pmPosts: 303Location: N. Ireland

What you are feeling is perfectly normal I had bad PND with my last baby but never felt resentment towards my baby only my O/H

If you feel you dont want to even try to breastfeed anymore stop right now and dont worry what anyone else says it has got to feel right for you tell your O/H how you are feeling it might help sometimes you really need to spell it out to them they dont notice anything.

Hope you feel better soon

Angela

Thu Feb 23, 2006 1:52 pm

becky.fisher

ED MEGA BABE

Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2005 8:38 pmPosts: 1682Location: Rochester, Kent

Don't worry if brestfeeding doesn't work for you and LO, it isn't the right choice for everyone... When my sister had her 1st baby she had problems like you and got herself into a right state about it and it wasn't good for her, OH or baby... In the end she decided to give up and bottle feed and everyone was much happier and baby was fine, that was better for them.

If your feeling really down i'd say talk to your midwife as she will have helped people in your situation before. About coping by yourself, are there any friends/ relatives who could come round and help some of the time while you get sorted and get used to parenthood?

Sorry if that's a bit long, but hope it helps xxxxx

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Thu Feb 23, 2006 1:52 pm

lyn.dunham

ED MEGA BABE

Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2006 10:27 amPosts: 3826Location: Lincolnshire

Is there a breast feeding course in your area?? I've heard that some places do a little one day or afternoon session on how to deal with problems breastfeeding etc. As long as your lo is getting fed be it via breast or bottle you shouldn't worry. I know it's easier said then done but not everyone can always breastfeed. We always have high expections of what we should be able to do, we need to go easy on ourselves and not beat ourselves up when it doesn't go to plan. If that makes sense.

I think you really need to talk to someone sounds like you have a touch of PND, I'm not one to talk as I'm only 8 wks with my first but from all the books and programs I've watched you shouldn't suffer alone and bottle it up, talk about your fears with your OH and HV and anyone else you can and you might find that it's not that bigger deal after all.

Hope that helps and I haven't sound like a interfering nobody. I just felt I had to respond as you sound so down.

Please don't feel guilty. You couldn't have given it a better shot at BF.

I remember feeling similar when I had Callum - he hadn't taken to BF (and neither had I if I'm honest), I remember after I'd given up BF too - even though he slept better I just couldn't settle him at night even though his dad could really well.

I felt like I resented them both - like i was completely out of the equasion. I used to take the dog for a walk just so I wouldn't be there when he needed settling down - so therefore I couldn't fail again.

Everything changed when his dad went back to work though - that was the point Callum & me really started bonding and we never looked back.

I don't know if it was just my hormones settling back down or because I couldn't shy away from the responsibilites because there was only me there but we soon found our own routine together and never looked back.

It will get better for you but in the meantime find someone to talk to (even if its not your hubby)

You expect everything to be sweetness & light once the baby is here & it can be a big shock when its anything but!

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Thu Feb 23, 2006 2:03 pm

kittycatarino

ED MODERATOR PM ANYTIME

Joined: Thu Oct 06, 2005 8:06 pmPosts: 15211

Hi

I went through nearly the same thing. I found breastfeeding really difficult to the point where I would cry when baby was asleep woorrying that he would wake for a feed. Through the whole feed I would sit with my toes curled and hated it.

I began to resent Jacob when he woke for a feed because it hurt so much.

I even rang the breastfeeding hotline ata 4am in the morning in tears but I still couldn't get my head around it. I was becoming tired, miserable and on the verge of a breakdown.

Then I decided to stop feeding thanks to my mom who had noticed the change in me. My boyfriend didn't really understand what its like either.

I haven't looked back since and can say hand on heart it was the ebst decision I made for me and my baby.

Don't feel bad for deciding to give up, realise that its something you have to do for your mental well being. Happy mommy = Happy baby!

xxx

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Thu Feb 23, 2006 2:07 pm

lexie2005

ED MEGA BABE

Joined: Wed Dec 07, 2005 10:32 pmPosts: 2693Location: Lincs

All I can do is send lots of love hon, I am [email protected] at things like this. One thing I can say is that if breastfeeding is this difficult then stop, it is not worth making you feel this down. Have you talked to your HV or MW, they might be able to help ((HUGS))

_________________Lexie*´¨)
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Thu Feb 23, 2006 2:17 pm

daisylous

ED MEGA BABE

Joined: Sat Sep 17, 2005 4:35 pmPosts: 1510Location: Brixham, Devon

Awww, you sound as though you're having a rough time of it at the moment.
I agree with the other comments about the breastfeeding and if you're not happy with it then I would bottle feed. This will make you more relaxed when it comes to feeding and therefore you and Sophie will both be happier.
I don't know anything about pnd but I should think it would help to talk to your health visitor or a friend or relative (other than your dh).
My cousin and sil both gave birth last year within days of each other and both went through a very tearful stage, about a week or two after the birth. Each phoned me for advice as they felt that they couldn't cope and nothing they did with baby seemed to be right but these feelings soon settled down and they became confident with their babies.
Don't forget that your hormones will be all over the place, you're body has gone through alot. The reality of having a small baby rely on you for everything can be really daunting.
I'm sure you're doing a great job but I'm sure it would help you to have a natter to a mate.

Take care xxx

Thu Feb 23, 2006 2:24 pm

weebroon

ED BABE

Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2005 8:40 pmPosts: 770Location: Glasgow

i am feeling exactly the same mrs f - i love Leia soooo much but worry constantly that im doing something wrong or that something bad is going to happen to her - im walking around with a constant cold feeling in my stomach - i spoke to my hv and she told me i had pnd but this might not be the case for u so speak to ure hv i felt so much better just telling someone how i was feeling and just to know im not the only person going thro this and most importantly tell ure oh how ure feeling - if he knows then he will understand better why ure feeling so fragile - big hugs to u both - i know how ure feeling x x x x

Thu Feb 23, 2006 2:31 pm

shandavies

ED BABE

Joined: Thu Aug 04, 2005 2:54 pmPosts: 792Location: Barry

Oh hunny i know exactly how your feeling!

on my son he kept putting his tonge up to the roof of his mouth so couldnt latch on to my breast. I ended up cup feding him but i quikly dried up as he was nt encouraging my milk to flow by feeding off of me.
I also felt like a failure as i couldnt give my son what he needed the most.
I soon came to realise that at the end of the day as long as he was getting some sort of feed weather it be my milk or powderd as long as he was thriving and putting on weight then tht was all that mattered and i wasnt the failure i though i was.

If i where you i would get in touch with your local support group and you will soon realise that your not alone.