Thursday, May 26, 2011

I'm imperfect in many ways but I've been learning over the years that those imperfections make me who I am. A rare treasure meant to be discovered over time. Each jewel like a captured moment, meant to be delighted in and explored to its highest distinction. I will never give it all away with just one glimpse ... you must look much deeper or you'll miss my unique qualities altogether. But the loss will not be mine, for I continue to shine with or without the acknowledgment of man, as true light lives within the human soul. I remain radiant & yet to be discovered.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

choking on a hint of breath . leaking from a pin drop hole . wrapped inside insanity . twisted knots of frailty . caged within an open space . a mirror for which there is no face . heart bewildered set me free . i long for that which cleanses me . death is close . life is far . who will win this terrible war?

Saturday, May 14, 2011

I went from confident & strong to weak & terrified. From smiles to tears.I lost my direction. I lost my opinions.I lost my reasons for being.Can I be reborn?Can I find peace?Can this weight be lifted?I'm sinking dear jesus .. I fear I'll drown. But no one sees this tragedy ..I've hid it from the world.I guess one day they'll understand when I'm six feet underground.

In darkness I stand ..Fighting for a piece of freedom.But who will hold my hand ..If I should stumble and fall?Will my fate be this bitter entanglement of uneasiness? There is no flow ..Everything leaves me confused.Empty of hope ..Passion has vanished and I'm terrified by what that means or doesn't mean.I can no longer manage these thoughts that seem to cloud my very existence.I blame myself for my lack of self control. How long shall I be punished by my wickedness? Forgiveness, where are you?Loneliness, your jagged edges have punctured what's left of this tender heart. Will anyone take notice while I'm left here to bleed?

He's like a magnet unto my soul. When I'm around him I can't seem to pull away. I'm exposed. Driven by rapture, his eyes allure, his body seduces, his touch invites - suddenly I need a taste of his passion, his strength, his fortitude. He's bullheaded & strong. Masculine but tender. Forceful yet gentle. He's a rare & beautiful being. A delight to so many within his world. He makes me want to climb into his cockpit and run his machine. He captivates my senses, leaving me wanting more . . .

I let my guard down.You snuck in ..Unnoticed, until you had me wrapped around your finger ..Flat out on the ground ..Unable to say no .. Weak and completely unstable ..You keep me locked up in your madness ..Chained by the lies, I choose to see as truth .. I do it to myself ..My lack of self worth ..You help create this insecurity by playing games with my heart ..Your whisper so loud ..I can't hear my own truth ..I'm marked with indifference ..Release me to freedom ..I call to you now ..Forgiveness I'll give you ..But my heart I can no longer lend.

I would like to find oblivion in sleep. Cause the pain of losing you is far too deep ..Searching for peace alone ..I would like to forget you but your memory is haunting me ..I see u when I close my eyes ..I see you when I'm wide awake ..The words to say escape me ..My peace has been taken from me ..Why must i suffer so much pain ..How have I earned such shame ..Cradled by a lullaby from a voice that haunts me ..You taunt me with your ecstasy .. Your memory is fatal ..You do such evil by the touch of your hand ..You woo me only to use me ..Do not awake me ..I long to find oblivion.

My mind is a battlefield with plenty of fickle weather. I'm willful one moment & fragile the next. I'm an erratic comet wandering the course of life, a planetary vagabond. Beautiful but temperamental. A motor that sometimes starts & other times will not. Even when my course is set I'm prone to the unexpected. Clothed in serenity, I'm taught by a spirit that far supersedes my understanding. Guided by this light, I stand in JUSTICE.

I pray that I'd be your brideThe girl you've longed forThe true beginning of a life you've imagined in the secret domains of your heartI have so much love to give youA flood gate could not withstand the immense power I have to share with my soulmate.I've longed for you in my inner chambersPrayed your existence not be in vainThat my hard work and toil would prove a greater harvest then anticipatedI would swim an ocean if it would guarantee you'd come to me with a heart full of passionate loveI'd never leave you nor forsake youI will walk this earth bare foot for an eternity just to get to youTell me I'm the one you loveTell me it's trueMy heart has found an openingIt's waiting for youCome to me my loverCome to me at once ....

I know pain. It's the ache that can't be satisfied. The thirst that can't be quenched. It's the suffocating feeling deep within. It's the rapture of all things good. It's the cry to the God's, the earth and the moon. It's the emptiness you think will never again be filled. It's me without you & life without love. I'm lost on this pathway .. I'm lost without God. My directions are scrambled, my compass off kilter. I'm left to my own devices and scorned by my frailties. I can't hear you Jesus, I can't hear anything at all. Please don't leave me .. I fear I'll fall too deep into this rabbit hole .. never to be seen again. Save me, please save me ... don't you know, I'm in pain.

The heart can sometimes blind us from reality. A temporary lapse in judgement can be a very costly experience. Unspeakable pain will be your reward. Heartache your aphrodisiac. I seldom let movement through these gates of steel. As a shock to the heart .. I suddenly remember why. You moved me only to paralyze my senses. And worst of all .. I let you. May wisdom be my guide and strength be my leader. May I someday find the missing pieces of this broken heart.