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11 May 2011

Remember this list? That's the list of just some of the challenges that this past year has held. We have certainly seen some positive changes since then (James got a job -- yeay!!) and we found out we're having another baby (BIG yeay!!). These are both things we've been hoping and praying for for some time.

Naturally, this means substantial adjustments to our life -- because the changes are positive, our attitude has been to accept the challenges that come with the changes. For example, James' new job is in Florida. He's been there for about three weeks and I'm still in Seattle. I'm newly pregnant and dealing with the bulk of our cross-country move (including moving all our things into storage for a couple of months until I head to Florida), as well as dealing with a very busy season at my job. These are all things we're thankful for, but it's still a lot to manage.

But anyone who has been pregnant knows how incredibly tired you can be in the first trimester. That new little person is teensy, but demanding! I've already received several admonitions not to do any heaving lifting, or cleaning (both challenging for a person who likes to get things done and who just so happens to be moving). I no longer have James here to help make my lunches, do the dishes, or get the mail. Even smallish, mundane tasks like that can feel daunting at this stage, let alone big ones like moving a thousand square feet worth of a married life a little over 3,000 miles.

I'm thankful for all these things -- our life together is moving in a positive direction, and we are both confident that the sacrifices we're making in the short term will pay off in the long term.

And then in the midst of all this, my grandfather died.

Whether the one who dies is 16 days old, or 89 years old, grief is still grief. I can tell myself all I want about how he no longer suffers (thank God!), about what a full and rich life he led, and about how no one escapes death in the end. It doesn't help.

I was already beginning to feel (gratefully!) overwhelmed with all on my plate, and now I'm just overwhelmed and sad, wondering how in the world it will all get done, feeling like I cannot possibly sustain any additional major changes or trauma. The past two years of our life just seems to have been One. Thing. After. Another.

Know that you aren't alone in being completely overwhelmed by life. . my mother died of ovarian cancer in Sept 2008. (Husband changes jobs 3 times from Feb 2009- Feb 2010) I had my 3rd baby in Sept 2010 and found out a few months later that he suffers from a visual impairment and had an in utero stroke (which is causing right side weakness). I had no sooner come to terms with this diagnosis when my beloved father died suddenly of a heart attack in February 2011. Today my husband is resigning from his job (only been there 18 months) because he has been forced out. People say "God doesn't give you more than you can handle". . .but I'm pretty sure those people have never handled as much as I have. Hope you and I can find a light at the end of our tunnels.