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Anxiety - 1 Kelly - zip

Wednesday, 23 July 2008

Today is bad. Yesterday was bad. Tomorrow, well, will probably be bad too. I feel like I have more bad days then good. I don’t feel good. I never feel good. And if I do feel good I stress out that I feel good and analyze it till I feel sick. This anxiety and panic and depression that I have had for so many years is taking its toll. I have bad skin, no appetite, gray hairs and bags under my eyes. I have no motivation. It is easier to just feel sick then try to fight it off to feel well. I have had it. At this very moment of time feeling the way I feel, I hate to think what I could do. I can’t go on like this. I just can’t. I’m worn out and tired all the time. I enjoy little to nothing because everything is overshadowed by this disease. What am I going to do? How can I get past this? I have been on medication for the last 15 years and have been in therapy just as long. Is this me? Is this all there is? Worry about nothing and stress out for no reason? How will I ever make a good wife or mother? I can’t even take care of myself. I have done nothing that I had planned for myself. I wanted to be some one special. I am not. I take up space and annoy myself. I go about my day because that’s all I know how to do. I am not in control of myself or my feelings. My mind and my body are out of control. I am not running my own life. I am not living. What am I even doing here? Please help me. What am I doing?

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Sending you a big HUG Kellybeth! Sometimes it feels like all we do is go through the motions, and I know how disheartening it can be. Are we living, or just existing? BUT you have made it this far, so give yourself a huge pat on the back!! I found just making small, but positive changes to myself, both physically and mentally, gradually morphed me into a more content, less stressed person. Plan 100 things to look forward to, even if you only achieve 1 or 2 on the list - that is YOU being in control, NOT the anxiety.

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Sending you a big HUG Kellybeth! Sometimes it feels like all we do is go through the motions, and I know how disheartening it can be. Are we living, or just existing? BUT you have made it this far, so give yourself a huge pat on the back!! I found just making small, but positive changes to myself, both physically and mentally, gradually morphed me into a more content, less stressed person. Plan 100 things to look forward to, even if you only achieve 1 or 2 on the list - that is YOU being in control, NOT the anxiety.