Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Why I Haven't Been Posting

Letter sent to RL friends on February 19, 2008.

Thank you to all who asked how Sleek and Fluff and I are doing.

The last evaluations of Sleek’s cancer are still a bit indeterminate (“we can tell what it is if you cut it off and send it in….”), but the cells appear to epithelial neoplasia at the skin level, with a small chance that it could be mammary gland too/instead. Sleek’s vet thinks they are unlikely to metastasize. Chest X-rays taken at the same time the needle aspirations were done show no signs of metastases. Sleek still looks generally okay and continues to eat well and be interested in walks and sniffing every freakin’ blade of grass on the walks. She still asks for cuddling and lets me know at night when she is ready to go to bed. I go to bed then, too, because she’s very hard to move once she’s settled across the middle of the bed. A queen-sized bed is not big enough for two when Sleek takes my spot in the middle.

Spiritually, Sleek gives the impression of a soul ready to move on to the next adventure. Given that, her age, and her general condition, I have decided not to pursue anything radical in terms of “fighting” her cancer. I’ll adjust her diet as needed to support her and continue chiropractic. I’ll look into acupuncture for her, too, to help with any pain or energy blocks that may come up.

Fluff seems to not understand why Sleek is leaving and to prefer that Sleek stay so Fluff doesn’t have to worry (it is all about Fluff, thank you very much!). I’m calmer now (most of the time) and am focusing on looking at what Sleek has brought into my life, what her death will mean to me, and what my fears and concerns are about her transition period and eventual death. Because Fluff and I are (too) deeply connected, this work will help me figure out how to support all of us as Sleek travels on without Fluff and me. We may have another 2-3 months of physical togetherness.

We very much enjoyed the beautiful weekend weather. I took the girls down to Cottonwood Beach both Saturday and Sunday. Fluff got to retrieve sticks from the water, and Sleek got to sniff and hunt. Although there were no carrion-rolling incidents, Fluff did bring a good bit of “river essence” home in her skirts. Let’s just say “minty-fresh” and "Fluff" are not synonymous. Saturday we walked with several other people and dogs whom we met there, and Sunday was more of a family day.

Thanks, Mrs. G. We are now taking things one day at a time. I'm practicing a lot of gratitude about what having Sleek has meant to my life. Fluff and I are doing flower essences to help us adjust and grow while Sleek is still here so we'll be more ready when she leaves.

Thank heavens I believe conservation of energy means we continue on a soul level after our bodies die. I think it would be hard to live believing that everything stops at death.