Tiger Woods gets slap on the wrist and case closed

Tiger Woods will be cited for careless driving for his car accident early Friday morning, and despite a golf club-wielding wife allegedly beating the fuck out of him, that pretty much wraps things up. People reports:

“The investigation has concluded that Mr. Woods is at fault in the crash,” a Florida Highway Patrol spokeswoman said Tuesday afternoon at a press conference, saying that they found that Woods, 33, had not driven in a “careful and prudent manner” when he was hurt in a one-car crash outside his Orlando home.
Police said there were no claims of domestic violence in the case and “there was insufficient evidence available to issue a subpoena for additional medical information that may exist.”

In related news, Tiger Woods owns the state of Florida now but will grant interstate travel to and from Disney World provided everyone stops saying his wife kicked his ass. Officials in Washington will urge compliance, but only if Tiger permits the elderly to vote in general elections because, seriously, who else is going to?

NOTE: Added old modeling photos of Tiger’s wife and a crazy Chinese video recreating the night of the crash after the jump.