Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Some Final Words

If I send this out now, I might think of more final thoughts later, and what would I do then? So this may be a series, but it may not. And as the cancer progresses I may no longer have the facilities to check what I have already said. This could be interesting.

First, I have at times thought I wasn't really inspiring people as much as they said I was. But I've gotten so much mail about how I've inspired specific people that there is no longer any doubt. Thank you all. This is a great way to go out. I hope you continue to spread my message after I'm gone (http://tinyurl.com/3kov3zq or http://tinyurl.com/3gbkem7).

Second, I wanted to share with you some personal thoughts. One of the things I've missed the most was an opportunity to have a family: a wife, one child. I have been blessed to have Academy Schools as a surrogate. But it's not the same, and it lacks the wife. Although I often think my cat considers herself as my demanding wife.

Some things that bother me are only a problem because I’m bothered by them. I will die a virgin, and the thing that bothers me most about that is that I am bothered by that. I would much prefer it if I where not interested in women sexually. Even before all of this, it was a distraction from my studies. Some how it's getting worse as I come closer to dieing. Maybe some doctor can give me a pill for that.

And finally, I wish I had been bolder. I missed some great opportunities growing up because I was afraid. Only later in my life did I finally take charge. Reach for the stars, and don't be afraid of not reaching them. I bet you'll get farther than you thought, and life's all about the journey. That is what I learned in the months before my diagnosis, and since then.

There are a number of things I want to say but due to my fading communication skills I cannot get out. It's frustrating being once a affluent teacher and watching communication skills deteriorate. At the same time, due to my tumor's placement, having my incoming communication relatively intact except for my ability to concentrate.