Tuesday, February 3, 2009

I just wanted to start this post by saying thanks to all who have commented so far, and entered for the gift card giveaway (if you haven't entered yet, see Friday's post).

And I also want to thank you on behalf of my darling husband (see Thursday's post). He was very excited to get so many responses, and I think he's secretly looking forward to the next time I "drag" him into writing something for me.

I have to say, my husband can be quite the romantic guy. There have been some sure-fire winners in the romance department over the years, and there have been some not-so-great moments.

In the last few years, though, I have to say we have been struggling with romance, and I have an idea why. Actually I have three ideas why: Twin A, Twin B, and the Princess.

Having small children makes it difficult, if not impossible, to keep up with the little things that nurture a relationship. And it also makes the big things: trips away with just the two of us, or a regular date night almost out of the question.

So we've been trying the little everyday things to make it better, to blow on that tiny ember in hopes of stoking the fire.

And as sad as it may seem, these little things are deliberate because in the daily struggle to keep the kids from swinging on the ceiling fans, we tend to forget about just enjoying each other until a month or more has passed, and we're both left thinking, "What in the world is going on?"

We have been trying to take the time to:

Send an e-mail or text message to let the other know we're thinking about them.

Kiss in the morning before he goes to work, and as soon as he comes home from work.

Make sure we spend thirty minutes every night catching up with each other after the kids have gone to bed, with no TV, Internet, or flipping through a book or magazine to distract us. This way, we actually listen to each other.

Holding hands while we're driving in the car, even if it's just to go to the grocery store. With three kids in the backseat competing to be heard, even if we can't have silence to enjoy, when we hold hands, it still feels like we're connected . . . a united front.

Saying, "I love you," and really meaning it. I thought about how many times we're on the phone, or rushing in and out the door, and toss out a quick "I love you" like we'd say, "See you later," or, "Be home after six." This way, I put the true emotion and feeling behind the words, and hopefully it lets him know we may not still be in our early lovey-dovey stage of marriage, but we are in a deep, true, and committed relationship.

Those are the little things we try to do every day. We do them deliberately, but in all honesty I have to say they don't always work out.

This morning I was in the shower when Hubby and the boys left the house, so no kiss or intentional "I love you." Hubby has a lot going on with his job right now, so no text or e-mail today.

But we still try, and I hope you will share some of the little things you do to sustain the romance.

Denice,Just wanted to add some tidbits of how we keep the home fires burning. My husband & I never part from each other (even if it's for a trip to the store or gas station) without holding hands and saying a quick prayer. I always thank God when my husband comes home, for answering my prayer to "bring my husband home to me safely."Janet Rockeyhttp://rockeywrites.blogspot.com

I try to put down without complaint whatever it is I'm doing (usually it's reading)if he wants to visit with me. In that way, he knows he is more important than whatever it is I'm reading. We have held hands regularly since we were engaged. We have been married for 33+ years now and I KNOW holding hands makes a difference. My cousin asked maybe 15 years ago "And HOW LONG have you been married?" and we shared with them then that holding hands keeps the sparks (lovely) alive. When we visit we use eye contact. This is very important and conveys a deeper conversation than looking elsewhere during the visit. One feels more important in the other's eyes if they have that full attention while talking. We don't feel we are being listented to just half way. Recently we are finding negative comments drag us down. We are trying to learn to talk in such a manner that is uplifting even if it is a hard topic so we don't get each other down so bad. We are finding we can talk positive about a negative subject and still come up with positive solutions to our difficulties.Pam Williams

These are great ideas, ladies. Sometimes I forget (but I'm trying to re-establish good habits) that it's the little things we say and do that can make a huge difference. Especially when you don't have the time or money for the big gestures.

Not that I don't love the big gestures! They are definitely wonderful, but the little things add up, too.

What you've written is so true. Hubby and I have to work at this because we also have a distance obstacle: His workplace is a few hundred miles from home and he's gone 80-90% of the month. Since we have so little face time, we call each other most nights and chat about our days. We've become texting fools as well, just to let the other know they're on our minds. I mail and he emails cards and notes to one another. When we do have time together, I keep our commitments outside family to a minimum, and I try not to have a big "honey-do" list waiting. Eye contact, greeting with kisses, holding hands are some of the ways we reconnect when he comes home.

We both hold onto the hope that soon in the future, we will be once again living together daily.