Recently, the website TorrentFreak released a list of Bittorrent files being downloaded by IP addresses in Vatican City, including but not limited to several pornographic films, as well as lighter fare like "Love Actually." The following is the Vatican's response:

Dear brothers and sisters in Christ,

Many of you have been alarmed by news of the below listed pornographic material being downloaded to computers here in Vatican City.

Before you condemn this behavior, we would like to take a moment to point out (as we did in our previous post about gay prostitution allegations) that NONE of the pornographic material that was downloaded involved children in ANY WAY. None. It was all good, old-fashioned man-on-woman BDSM porno with a healthy dose of American romantic comedies and serial dramas mixed in...and hey, like we said: no kids!

We at the Vatican do wish to apologize however, for downloading this material illegally. Stealing is wrong and pirating movies is stealing. Period. For this crime, we are deeply, deeply sorry. If we are going to download movies, be they bondage porns like Whipped Ass or romantic romps like Love, Actually, we ought to do so in a way that generates revenue for the filmmakers, the rightsholders and the actors involved.

That said, we’re all pretty excited about our two consecutive child-free sex scandals (fingers crossed that we’ll make it to three!) and to celebrate, we’re purchasing all of our new favorite films LEGALLY on websites like Amazon and AdultDVDDirect.com. And man, that Hugh Grant...I don’t remember if he was in the one where the bumbling Prime Minister falls for a member of his staff or the one where the Russian sex slaves get nasty with each other (we’ve watched a lot of movies lately) but boy, can that guy act! We don’t mean to toot our own horn here but as you can see, the Pope Francis regime is off to a pretty solid start...“Prett-ay, prett-ay, prett-ay good!” (tonight’s lineup is Curb Your Enthusiasm followed by Ass Invaders 7: The New (Cl)ass).

We don’t want to get ahead of ourselves or anything but if things keep going at this rate, Pope Francis could very well go down in history as THE Pope of legally downloaded, adult pornography.