The Essential Touch of Humor

Last night’s All-Star game brought a new dimension to the NBA, a scene unprecedented in the league’s history: two great centers bringing down the house with humor. The Shaquille O’Neal-Dwight Howard show was almost as fascinating as the sight of Shaq and Kobe Bryant sharing the MVP award.

Heaven knows we’ve seen intimidation from elite centers over the years, with ample doses of pride and the occasional mean streak. Bill Russell could be quite funny off the court, and Bill Walton was a convivial sort, but nobody ever took it to the floor like Shaq. And now there is Howard, the guy who wore a Superman cape in last year’s slam-dunk contest and is truly coming into his own as an entertainer.

Shaq, genuinely enjoying his reunion with Bryant and coach Phil Jackson, provided the game’s finest moment when Howard, in a whimsical mood, came out past the perimeter to guard him. Shaq stared him down, threw a perfect bounce pass between his legs, then galloped in to take a pass from Chris Paul and jam it home. Priceless.

Howard, he of the perennial smile, came back later to shoot (and hit) a 20-foot jumper — something he’d rarely try in a real game — and the players on both benches cracked up. Feeling downright frisky, Howard then tried a fancy crossover dribble against Kobe’s defense and booted it out of bounds, but the smile was contagious. Funny big men — what a concept.

Other thoughts came to mind as the game progressed. Before the Warriors go any further with the preposterous notion of (eventually) making Monta Ellis a point guard, they should watch how Paul takes charge of a game, an absolute maestro of the proceedings. While Ellis seems forever young, not always in a good way, Paul was a full-blown man by his second year in the league. He totally belonged in that special company last night, and he knew it, and he played like it. Until the Warriors get someone who’s even close to Paul in terms of unselfishness, maturity, court sense and the knack of taking over, they’ll be floundering around the basement like a lost janitor.

Amare Stoudemire had what must have been a soul-reviving 17 points in front of a Phoenix crowd that might have been saying goodbye. To have seen him last night, you’d scoff at the notion of Stoudemire being traded. But Stoudemire’s indifferent defense and rebounding have caused a lot of friction on the Suns, and some say he’ll be following coach Terry Porter right out the door.

The Shaq-Kobe interactions were damn near heartwarming. You sensed there might have been a little too much tension, in the past, for Bryant to unconditionally embrace his old friend. But they sure had some nice moments — before, during and after the game — and that was nice to see. “The Big Legendaries,” indeed.

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Last year at this time, speculation concerning potential NBA champions was complete guesswork. Right now, putting aside the injury factor, only four teams — the Lakers, San Antonio, Boston and Cleveland — have a chance to win it.

Things were going beautifully in Orlando until point guard Jameer Nelson was apparently lost for the season with a dislocated shoulder. He was vital to the flow of the Magic’s offense, aside from being a clutch outside shooter and team leader. There was early-season talk about Detroit, but the Chauncey Billups-Allen Iverson trade destroyed the Pistons’ chemistry. Most of the talk in Detroit now concerns unloading the expiring contracts of Iverson and Rasheed Wallace and preparing for the free-agent windfall in the summer of 2010.

As for the West, we’d handicap it this way:

1. Lakers. We saw their remarkable capability when they went 6-0 on their recent road trip, finishing off season sweeps of the Celtics and Cavaliers while getting a 61-point game from Kobe in Madison Square Garden. Their only potential problem is the return of Andrew Bynum. In opting against surgery to repair his injured knee, he has to be diligent in his rehabilitation and get back in plenty of time for the playoffs. If he slips up, or has a setback, he’ll either (1) return too late or (2) leave doubt as to exactly how he fits into the Pau Gasol-Lamar Odom frontcourt.

Another key factor is fatigue. Without Bynum in the second half of the season last year, Bryant played a ton of minutes and eventually wore down in the Finals against Boston. He was getting plenty of rest this year until Bynum went down. It’s true that the worst of the Lakers’ schedule is over, but if they really want that home-court advantage against everybody, Kobe faces a lot of demanding fourth quarters.

2. San Antonio. Loved it when coach Gregg Popovich rested Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili and Michael Finley after the Spurs made a late-night trip from Oakland to Denver in a back-to-back. Not one of them played a minute against the Nuggets, causing a bit of outrage within the league. Popovich, sublimely marching to his own drummer, couldn’t have cared less. The decision gave each of those players a five-day break, especially relevant for Duncan and Parker since they won’t have an All-Star break (as members of the West team). Great move. Typical San Antonio smarts. Nobody wants to face these guys in the playoffs, and remember, Ginobili is likely to be at full strength this time around.

3. Utah. Deron Williams has been destroying people lately. He’s finally healthy, routinely going for 30 points and running the floor as well as anyone in the league. I’d never place the Jazz this high if they couldn’t get a healthy Williams, Carlos Boozer and Andrei Kirilenko on the floor at once. It hasn’t happened yet, but there’s hope for the playoffs, and Boozer’s absence has allowed for the noticeable blossiming of Paul Millsap.

4. New Orleans. Another underachieving team, but you can’t discount the Paul-David West combination when things start to get serious. Paul takes the court in a manner suggesting he owns the league, and while that isn’t quite true, he’s got a way about him. Don’t forget the James Posey factor, either, when the playoffs start.

5. Denver. The Nuggets still have a huge knucklehead factor (Kenyon Martin, J.R. Smith), but Billups’ arrival made a tremendous difference and Carmelo Anthony has a lot to prove after being left off the All-Star team. They’ll be very difficlt to beat at home.

6. Dallas. Things picked up when coach Rick Carlisle left the play-calling up to Jason Kidd, but these guys never seem to get everyone healthy at once. With Kidd, Dirk Nowitzki, Jason Terry and Josh Howard in flow, they could at least win a first-round series — but they’d better finish higher than sixth.

7. Houston. No chance to do anything of consequence. Tracy McGrady is now feuding with everyone — fans, executives, media — over the state of his knee. Nobody can believe he’s that injured, since he takes the floor most of the time, but he says he’s in genuine pain, all the while turning people off with that hangdog look on his face. Yao Ming is a nice player and everything, but has a streak of reticence that makes him vulnerable to every serious center-power forward in the league. Ron Artest routinely shackles the offensive flow when he gets the ball and looks for his own shot. Plus, these guys are sniping at each other. Over. Done.

8. Portland. Still waiting for center Greg Oden to develop. Some feel that won’t ever happen, not in a major way, but without Oden as a genuine force, they’re still a bit too young. If they make a dent in the playoffs, it will be because Brandon Roy reminds so many people of Oscar Robertson and Walt Frazier, a floor leader with measured pace and unlimited capability. There isn’t a player in the league with more class. Love to watch Rudy Fernandez, too, and all of the Blazers when they’re rolling. It just seems that they’re a year or two away.

9. Phoenix. The odd team out. Replacing Porter with Alvin Gentry doesn’t figure to make much difference at this stage of the season, especially if the Suns unload Stoudemire in a cost-cutting deal and get nothing close to equal value in return. The Suns’ grim decline will have Steve Nash looking toward New York or Toronto (his two favorite places) when he’s free in 2010.

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Alex Rodriguez has to know he’s not getting off easily in this steroid mess. He’s clear of punishment from commissioner Bud Selig (why would Selig even mention the possibility, in public, when he knows he’d be shot down by the union?) and he was able to craft his own interview, in essence, with ESPN’s Peter Gammons. I’m as tired of this subject as anyone in the country, but A-Rod has put himself on the spot now, and he’s considered the best player in baseball. These are some of the questions that need to be asked, starting tomorrow when he reports to camp:

1. “Alex, you never mentioned the word ‘steroids’ in your initial interview. You referred to a ‘banned substance.’ Human Growth Hormone was not a banned substance at the time of your positive test. Did you ever use HGH? And would you admit to using steroids?”

2. “When Gammons asked you to confirm your time frame as 2001-03, you answered, ‘That’s pretty accurate, yes.’ We need to know one way or the other. Was it just those three years?”

3. “Evidence from various investigations suggests that steroid use was pervasive around the New York Yankees when you joined the club. Why would you suddenly refrain from performance-enhancing drug use when your 2001-03 seasons were so spectacular?”

4. “You’re in a position to tell the public, especially young people, what this is really about. What kind of benefits did you get, and what were the negatives? What percentage of players on those Texas rosters were using? Were the drugs given to you, or did you have to obtain them on your own? We’re not asking you to name names, but you have to give us some idea what took place within the steroid culture.”

5. “All indications are that the players who tested positive in 2003 were informed, by union officials, of the results. Yet you claim you never heard you’d failed any test until you were approached by Selena Roberts last month. How could that be?”

If Rodriguez can wade through that mine field, and come out looking good, he can play the season in relative peace. Can’t imagine it will be that easy.