The following hard-hitting, well-reasoned editorial will be appearing in most of our finest daily newspapers in the next few weeks as soon as we call them up and instruct ask them to print it. Be on the lookout for it so you can spring into action and start writing letters of approval as soon as it appears.

We're Not All That Impressed With This Romney Chap

We here at the (insert name of paper here) are a fair, open-minded, tolerant bunch, as you would expect given our elevated social status. So, when an unknown, inexperienced politician named Willard Mitt Romney had the audacity to run for president, we decided to give him a chance and hear what he had to say.

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