Sunday, March 11, 2012

I'll miss you... mall

I'm making my way through all of the things I'll miss about it here when we move. See the bottom of this post for my other I'll Miss You... posts.

If I could, I would fly each and every one of you here to experience our mall. We could do a little shopping in the Gap That Time Forgot and when we get done there, indulge our corn dog craving in one of three eateries.

Then we'll rest our feet and discuss which cross we'd like to purchase before checking out the Kardashian Kollection at Sears.

After Sears, we'll visit Dillard's, the only other department store. We'll make our way through the maze of church hats and trashy prom dresses until we find one we want to try. Just wait until you see the dressing rooms, reader. The decor is lovely as it is, but the folks at Dillard's know the secret to a perfect finishing touch: a decorative bowl of shells.

It might be hard to imagine anything can top all of this. But the grand finale can't be missed. If you plan to stay the night and want me to take you out to the local line dancing club, you'll need something new. Something...groovee.

(photo via Rob Corrdry)

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Can you see why I'll miss this mall? My wallet sure can. The mall parking lot is so chronically empty that part of it is used as a street -- a street that I take to work every morning. Let me clarify: I drive through a mall parking lot twice a day, five days a week, and not once have I been tempted to stop and go inside.

Ask my dad, who funded my shopping habits in high school - this is quite unlike me.