Workaholics: Blake, Adam, and Ders Teach What NOT to Do at Work

With a title like Workaholics, you might expect this show on Comedy Central to be about three strapping young gentlemen getting down to business at the office. However, more often than not this is not the case. The stars of the show, Blake, Adam, and Anders (nicknamed “Ders”), are typically partying, slacking off, and generally involved in some sort of shenanigans.

While the show is hilarious, it doesn’t necessarily provide any helpful insights on how to get by working 9-5 in the real world (successfully). However, there’s a lot we can learn from these dudes’ mistakes.

The boys get in the Half Christmas spirit.

Don’t create distractions for everyone else. In the episode that founded the yearly tradition of Half Christmas for Workaholics fans, the boys cause all sorts of chaos in their attempts to celebrate their own tradition of Half Christmas. When their boss refuses to give them the day off, they decide to decorate their cubicle to bring the Half Christmas spirit to the office. However, they later get in trouble because their blinking lights and the motorized train set that runs around the top of their cubicle prove to be very distracting for everyone else.

Don’t be “that guy.” If you’re going to listen to music, put on headphones. Try to respect the people working around you by maintaining a somewhat-quiet atmosphere.

Don’t pull office pranks. The guys and the affectionately named, Homegirl, have an on-going battle for the Main Office Prankster title. However, what started out as innocent fun turns ugly when the guys pull a series of pranks on what they think is a sleeping Homegirl, only to find out that she was dead while they were drawing on her face, covering her with various food items, etc.

Hopefully none of your office pranks would take this dark of a turn, but you’re better safe than sorry. It’s safe to assume that if an office prank can backfire, it will. And it’s probably best not to risk it.

Ders shows up late for work with a bike lock around his neck.

Don’t throw your friends under the bus. When the guys are up for a promotion the competition gets pretty heated. And by that I mean while Ders steps up his game and works hard to earn the position, Adam attempts to pull multiple pranks and lies to their boss, Alice, to keep Anders from getting the position. This leads to Ders moving out, the guys then bombing their interviews to recommend Ders for the job, Ders revealing he was never moving out, and then the guys getting him hammered so he’s late for his first day of work in the new position. Ultimately, Ders gets demoted and none of the guys end up with the new position.

Basically, take whatever Adam says, and do the opposite. For example, “So … Ders is doing actual work, huh? That is cheating, dude! Right?” Wrong. Rather than screwing over your other co-workers with pranks and tattling, you should work hard to earn that upcoming promotion.

BONUS TIP! This should be common sense, but it’s worth noting: It’s not recommended to sneak into the office at night and consume copious amounts of illegal substances. In addition, you probably shouldn’t: run over the CEO of your company with your car, hit on your boss, destroy everything in your cubicle, attach a mini-bottle of booze to your headset, drool over the new temp, have a raging party the night before work…the list goes on.

By some miracle, Blake, Adam, and Anders have managed to maintain their jobs throughout all of the chaos. How that’s even possible is beyond me. But they must be doing something right. Maybe they’re killer salesmen?

Let’s get weird! What do you think? What other tips can we pull from Workaholics? Sound off in the comments below!

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Jenna Markowski

Jenna has a much easier time writing about the media and pop culture than she does writing about herself. She enjoys the simple things in life, like puns and typography. She is an avid fan of pop-punk, Halo 3, Spider-Man and origami, with a slight Taco Bell obsession. Her spirit animal is either a bulldog or a panda bear. You can also connect with Jenna on Google+.

Comments

Kelsey

I don’t watch much t.v. at all, and when I first heard about Workaholics I thought it was another show like The Office. I don’t NOT like The Office, I’ve actually never even seen it, but when I actually watched Workaholics, I fell in love. Definitely not what I expected! Since I don’t watch a lot of t.v. I haven’t seen many episodes, but out of what I have seen it’s one of my favorite shows to watch. I have no idea how any of them have jobs still either, but I’m glad we can learn some important tips on what NOT to do in the office from their mistakes. Especially playing your music out loud…*cough* JEFF *cough*…….. juuuust kidding

I’m a big fan of both The Office and Workaholics, each for different reasons. The two are pretty different from one another, minus the fact that they both take place in an office. Workaholics is definitely one of my favorite shows to watch, that’s for sure. How Alice hasn’t just up and fired them yet is beyond me, but I suppose if they got fired there wouldn’t be much of a show left, and that would be sad! They sure offer some useful tips, as long as you do exactly opposite of everything they do at work.

Your first point’s definitely a “tension of opposites” (yep, just dropped a “Tuesdays With Morrie” reference), Jenna.

It’s a fine line to draw between a welcome moment of relief, and time deliberately spent distracted from the job. I think the best companies know where a good balancing point is between the two. Some places I’ve worked at, hell, you’d think smiling would earn a write-up!

I appreciate your “Tuesdays with Morrie” reference. And I totally agree with your point! Sometimes a distraction is welcome, especially after spending hours looking at a screen. It’s important to get some relief for your brain and eyes every once in a while in order to be productive! But being a distraction to everyone else for an entire day is definitely a no-no.

R.I.P. Homegirl, indeed. She is deeply missed, but surely never forgotten, especially after her farewell video prank!

It’s so cool that you won that contest! I’ll have to keep a look out for future mentions of Brent Hoffman on the show. Workaholics does a ton of cool stuff with social media, and I’m probably going to write a blog post about that eventually. I’ll try to feature you in that post!

Thanks for commenting, Jay! I’d venture to say that we shouldn’t run over anyone with our cars, but Mike or Bret especially!

“However, what started out as innocent fun turns ugly when the guys pull a series of pranks on what they think is a sleeping Homegirl, only to find out that she was dead …” — Well that escalated quickly! Hahaha. I’ve never even heard of this show, but it sounds like it’s hilarious. And full of great “what not to do” tips, too. All your takeaways are spot-on and important in pretty much any work environment. Great post, Jenna!

I haven’t seen Workaholics yet, but I’ve heard from multiple people how great it is.

I think I like the third point the most. I know that work environments exist where people do this all the time, but it really is better to distinguish yourself by your hard work. Smart managers will notice your hard work compared to your colleagues attempting to throw you under the bus.

Um, Workaholics is hilarious. It’s so true that being a good employee essentially equates to doing the opposite of everything these guys do at work! How do they still have jobs? Good lord. It makes for some quality television, though.

One thing I’ll add about Adam, Blake, and Ders: They’re super motivated when they want something badly enough. If they channeled that energy into work, then who knows what they could accomplish! But again, that show’s premise would be pretty dull.

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