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Anthony 100WC – Week 24

Goldilocks and the 3 computer geeks

Once upon a time, there were 3 computer geeks that lived in a house in the middle of the woods, Goldilocks was curious so she walked up to the house. The door was unlocked so Goldilocks rushed in to see 3 computers. The 1st was a PC with an old monitor. “This computer is too slow” exclaimed Goldilocks. The 2nd was a chromebook OS. She opened it up and it started in 8 seconds. “This computer is too fast” yelled Goldilocks. The 3rd computer was a Mac. “This computer is just right” explained Goldilocks and she lived happily ever after.

5 thoughts on “Anthony 100WC – Week 24”

I like your twist on the original story- its definitely a lot more modern, and its safe to say that your computer knowledge is much better than mine!
The use of verbs such as ‘exclaimed’ and ‘yelled’ was good, much better than just using ‘said’ all the time.
However, you could vary your punctuation slightly. For example, putting an exclamation mark after ‘This computer is too fast!’, to help create the impression that Goldilocks is shouting.

Not only have you updated the story of Goldilocks, you have made the Mac I am working on very happy to know it was the right choice, although the right Mac can be pretty fast too. Well done. 🙂

Amy from the team has already left suggestions on how your writing might be improved. I might add a writing tip.

In order to make it clear a person is speaking, a new line can be taken. Look at a few sentences from your story…The door was unlocked so Goldilocks rushed in to see 3 computers. The 1st was a PC with an old monitor.“This computer is too slow,” exclaimed Goldilocks.The 2nd was a Chromebook OS. She opened it up and it started in 8 seconds. “This computer is too fast!” yelled Goldilocks.

You have a very creative mind and were easily able to bring Goldilocks in to the 21st Century. I hope you continue to enter the 100WC so you can share future worlds and adventures you create.