I recently started reading Watchman Nee’s “Sit, Walk, Stand”. This little book looks at the growth of the Christian as depicted in Ephesians. The stance taken by Nee is that the Christian must first understand his position in Christ, before he can “walk” life as a Christian, taking out the Good News into the world and “stand” against an adversary.

For Christianity begins not with a big DO, but with a big DONE.

– Watchman Nee, Sit Walk Stand

Every conference I have done production at over the past two and a half years, has left me wondering how effective I have been at ministry (walking) and how much I have grown (standing), but the most concerning thing has been how well I was doing at resting my confidence and trust and entire being in Christ. I didn’t feel like I did any of these things well. I was so preoccupied with my doing that I lost my ability to sit, and worship.

It does not matter what your personal deficiency, or whether it be a hundred and one different things, God has always one sufficient answer, His Son Jesus Christ, and he is the answer to every need.

– Watchman Nee

I think its so fitting that the Ephesian Church in Revelations is rebuked for losing her first love. I really felt myself so caught up in performing well as a Christian and an employee that I missed God’s heart for relationship and rest. If I can relay anything God invested in me this year with confidence, its His heart for relationship with us. Before I go on, I would just like to make a disclaimer that this was not caused by being in ministry, but this lack in my maturity was highlighted during this season. I have much to be grateful for in this past season. It came from the place I was giving from.

The thing that we really need in solitude is not the absence of company but to be exclusively and primarily available to God. I am still growing in this aspect and its sad that I often need to burn out spiritually and then physically and emotionally before I call a truce with my own faculties and defences and I lie face down by His feet, when I could have just sat down with Him, because Jesus already paid for the end of our separation.

We must not pay attention just to reading and studying; rather, we should ask if we are open before the Lord. If we do not have an unveiled face, the glory of the Lord will not shine on us. If our heart is not open to God, God cannot give us any light.

– Watchman Nee

The danger of running without sitting for me is that I start to fall back on my orphan heart. I stop believing that I am worth being loved by people, and eventually I question whether God Himself loves me or even wants to love me. My mind runs riot with self-accusation and self-pity. I even wonder if relationship with God is biblical. It is:

Acts 17:27 (NKJV)

so that they should seek the Lord, in the hope that they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us;

The word grope here really touched my heart. That desperate, blind seeking for reconnection…and then the hope: “He is not far from each one of us”. I know Ephesians 1 is a doxology, but I invite you to count the prepositions in verses 3-14. What do prepositions do? They indicate relationship. It broke my brain.

To end off, another quote by Watchman Nee. The difference between being in Christ and functioning outside of Christ. May your solitary times be with God and bear the fruit of humble fellowship. Mine doesn’t yet, but I believe God is leading me there.

Outside of Christ, I am only a sinner, but in Christ, I am saved. Outside of Christ, I am empty; in Christ, I am full. Outside of Christ, I am weak; in Christ, I am strong. Outside of Christ, I cannot; in Christ, I am more than able. Outside of Christ, I have been defeated; in Christ, I am already victorious. How meaningful are the words, “in Christ.”