MARK SANCHEZ: THE SHERIFF OF SNOTTINGHAM

The Epickome of Trojan Class: Before getting wiped out of the Playoffs in Picksburgh, ex-trojan Mark Sanchez gets caught on TV picking his nose, and wiping the snot on his back-up, Mark Brunell

It’s either Trojan Class, or it’s snot. Not since “Caddyshack” has there been a louder “snot heard ’round the World.” On Sunday, right before the Jets and Steelers squared off in the AFC Championship game, a CBS Television camera got a close-up of Dirty Sanchez getting even dirtier. The entire Nation was blessed with the opportunity to see former u$c Quarterback Mark Sanchez pull a booger out of his nostril — which wouldn’t have been that egregious on its own — and intentionally wipe it on the front of the jacket of Jets’ second-string QB Mark Brunell.

After this totally disgusting and immature behavior, Brunell gave Sanchez a “WTF” look, but did not slug him like he should have. Maybe he has come to expect such actions from a guy who is fresh out of usc, and who got busted for vandalism, using a fake ID to drink illegally, and who even got accused of sexual assault (before the victim mysteriously became too scared to testify, allegedly).

Couldn’t Sanchez have just blown his nose (like he blew the game)? Actually, lots of players get caught picking their noses, especially in the freezing cold air of Pittsburgh in January. But this might be the first time that a player was arrogant and obnoxious enough to smear it on another player. The sc Snob with the Snot just couldn’t resist humiliating his lowly, clipboard-carrying understudy, by turning the evening into Booger Nights.

Anyone who picked Sanchez and the Jets to beat the Steelers failed to pick a winner. Sanchez was nothing short of pathetic during the First Half, as Pitt stormed out to a 24-0 lead. Sanchez repeatedly had his passes tipped and knocked down, he missed open Receivers, and he capped it off by getting Sacked and fumbling, with the ball being scooped up and returned for a Touchdown — ultimately the Game-Winning Touchdown — by William Gay.

With a 24-0 lead, the Steelers’ Defense went into complacency mode, relaxing and playing it safe. Yes, they still blitzed some, but the coverage was soft, and the players simply lost their edge. That allowed Sanchez to finally start completing some passes, to bring the Jets back. It was 24-3 at the Half, and Sanchez got a long TD pass at the start of the Second Half, when the defending Cornerback FELL DOWN.

The Pittsburgh Offense then played even worse than their Defense, not gaining any yards at all, as they just waited for the clock to run out. It didn’t help that the anchor of their Offensive Line, Pro Bowl Center Maurkice Pouncey (which is a name better suited for a Carolina Panther), got injured and was out for the game. His replacement couldn’t open any holes, and he had a couple of snaps that didn’t get into Ben Roethlisberger’s hands, including one that resulted in a Safety. That was right after Sanchez threw a near Interception at the Goal Line, which prompted Rex Ryan to call a Running play on 4th and Goal from the 1, which was stuffed.

After the Safety, Sanchez threw one more TD pass, from inside the Pitt 5, on a play where the two pass defenders ran into each other. That TD made it 24-19, with about 3 minutes left. New York used their Time Outs, and soon forced a 3rd and long, with about 2 minutes to go. The announcers expected a Running play, to keep the clock running, so that a subsequent punt would leave Sanchez with less than 90 seconds, having to go the length of the field. But the gutsy Steelers threw a pass, and completed it for the First Down, ending the game, and Sanchez’ season.

I admit that Sanchez showed some moxie leading the Jets back from the dead, hitting several key passes during two do-or-die drives. However — if not for Sanchez’ horrible performance in the First Half, including the Sack/Fumble for Gay’s TD, the Jets would not have had to dig out of such a deep hole, and the Jets would be playing in the Super Bowl in two weeks, instead of the Steelers.

Thank goodness, because chances are that Big Ben won’t wipe his snot on Dennis Dixon before the game — luckily for Dixon, and for the billion TV viewers. But thanks also go out to Sanchez — who truly gave it his best snot — because now millions have seen just what it means to be a real trojan.

"MARK SANCHEZ: THE SHERIFF OF SNOTTINGHAM" was published on January 24th, 2011 and is listed in News from the Dark Side.