Saturday, July 4, 2015

It seems with every year that passes, I get to know myself a little bit
better. Not only that, I suppose you could say I give myself permission
to be myself a little bit more with each passing year.

I've been
doing CrossFit for just over 4 years and this blog has been largely
about that journey - from a darker place in my life to the significantly
healthier place I'm in today. The affirmation this journey has given me
has afforded me the confidence I needed to truly begin following my
heart in everything I do. Looking back, it's definitely true I've spent too much of my life wondering what
other people are thinking
about me and my decisions rather than focusing solely on what feeds my
soul. That being said, I think it's a relatively natural phenomenon, but one I've been aware of and am trying to work on lately nonetheless.

When my facebook feed blew up with posts about Synergy
hosting a rookie strongman/woman competition just over a month ago, my curiosity was instantly
piqued. However, I quickly talked myself out of it - I was training
CrossFit at the time, after all. I thought that was that, but my mind was far from over it. I thought about the
greatest moments I've had in the last four years of CrossFit... they have been
when we've had strength biased workouts. Strength has always been my thing. I was scared to take the jump though... what if I hurt myself? What if I didn't know what I was doing? Even more than that... what if I fell in love with it? Would I be able to love myself as a strong woman?

With the greatest amount of nerves and unanswered questions, to be true to what my heart was saying, two days before event day, I signed up.

It was just as my greatest fears had predicted - I fell in love. I had the best day. I walked into each event nervous, but proud of the strength my body possesses. The transition was nowhere near as radical as I had told myself it would be - I have always prided myself in CrossFit upon being strong. The strength events have always been my comfort zone. When the day came to a close and I found myself in a tie for second place, I realized with some hesitation I may have just found my niche. However, my assumptions of strongman/woman training were still scaring me away. I came home telling myself it was a great day, but that I'd be returning to CrossFit the next week.

I was wrong.

There was this nagging voice in the back of my head telling me not to waste this opportunity. After talking to some of the amazing strong ladies/men at our gym, I realized the things I was worried about were based on the opinions of others and had very little to do with reality. So began my official switch into strongman training.

Since making the switch, I have been having a blast. I was nervous I may not get enough cardio with this new program, but I'm still finding myself flat on my rear after our workouts and I'm feeling the results of a workout well done. Just because I choose strength does not mean I do not also choose conditioning and eating well. My fears are floating away. I'm loving our meetings of the strong ladies/men and I'm fired up in a good way. It's awesome to feel this way about training again. It's powerful to be among like-minded, beautiful people.

I'm committing myself to this program until October when I plan to take a whack at competing in the Strength Symposium. At that point, I'll continue to follow my heart and re-evaluate. For now, it's telling me to admire, respect, and be proud of being a strong woman. Just as some other incredible ladies did for me, I hope to do my part to change the stigma of strength in women.