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February 29, 2008

On the Eve of a Visit

We have our first post-placement visit with Ms B tomorrow afternoon. I am looking forward to showing her the agreeable baby Firefly is growing into. There is a strangeness is now being the Firefly expert when just a few weeks ago only Ms B knew her intimately. It is a reversal of roles: Ms B used to share stories of Firefly's in-womb activities, now we are the ones passing on information about her temperament and habits. (Like the amusing hiccups she gets every afternoon.)

My messages I'm sending into the internet ether for Ms B tonight:

I hope you feel welcomed. Because you are very welcome here.

I'm afraid of being so close to your sadness right now. Maybe not so much of the sadness itself, but that I'll say or do the wrong thing and make it worse. I so very much don't want to make it worse.

I worry you won't like our house. I know that's not at all the focus of your time, but surely you're curious. Will you be bothered that we still haven't finished hanging pictures on all our walls? Or by the piles of mail by the phone? Will you like Firefly's room? I wish we had cleaned up more.

I hope you'll see how dearly we love her.

I hope it won't make you feel that we're replacing you.

I hope you leave knowing how much she needs your presence in her life.

Cool beans

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