Here we go: the first of 22 straight weeks of whoyagetting. The Titans come into Pittsburgh hoping to reverse the trend of the defending champ winning every Thursday night season opener. LenWhale started in with the trash talk early this week, vowing a repeat performance of his retarded sideline antics in Nashville last December. The Steelers, businesslike in their approach, can now counter with a fatback of their own, even if it’s one who probably won’t see many carries in the game. They just need one on the roster to satiate the overpowering Bus lust that will linger forever in the ‘Burgh. So, WHO YA GOT?

Contestants

Frank “The Tank” Summers____________________________LenDale White

Listed weight

230 lbs.___________________________________235 lbs.

Actual weight

Equal to six pallets of bricks____________________________Seven pallets

I’m a Steelers fan with LenWhale in my fantasy starting lineup. Do I shoot myself now?

09.10.09 at 9:11 am

Jizzthrasher

Someone didn’t watch the Titans/Chiefs game last year when LenDale scored on a 70-ish yard run.

09.10.09 at 9:13 am

Jizzthrasher

Oh, and @Boatdrinks: Tennessee isn’t “effed.” There are just a lot of people here that do drugs, which is true of every state in the union.

By the way, you’re allowed to say “fucked,” which makes you sound like less of a pre-teen.

09.10.09 at 9:15 am

Christmas Ape

Someone didn’t watch the Titans/Chiefs game last year when LenDale scored on a 70-ish yard run.

Doesn’t count if you do it against the Chiefs

I’m a Steelers fan with LenWhale in my fantasy starting lineup. Do I shoot myself now?

/slides gun with one round across table, leaves room

09.10.09 at 9:18 am

GhostsoftheUpcountry

For the 70 yard waddle, was the field built on a slope and he rolled the last 50? Can’t see LenWhale pulling that off.

By the way, Steelers by 10 tonight.

09.10.09 at 9:19 am

LaFavre's Next Interception

Sure, meth is bad stuff, but the shit rag is terrible.

09.10.09 at 9:21 am

Danzibar Island

I work for the Army,(civilian- doing weapons design). I am currently sitting in my office wearing my James Harrison jersey over my normal business dress. Appropriate?

Seeing as both I and my team are awesome, I’m going to say FUCK YEAH.

/Can’t wait for tonight.

09.10.09 at 9:22 am

Boatdrinks

I could say the f word, and do. I can’t write it. Sorry. I really can’t imagine as a Girl Scout a long while ago, and a leader a while ago, having to actually have a patch to teach present Girls Scouts not to do meth. It is just sad.
Tennessee is actually one of the most beautiful states I have ever driven through.

Wow, that kid is like a fully developed redneck caricature. And he’s only 5 years old!

09.10.09 at 9:42 am

Miusheri

So that’s why you can’t stop eating those damn cookies.

09.10.09 at 9:45 am

Upstate Underdog

I’m hoping for a final score of 15-0 in favor of the Steelers

/has Jeff Reed and the Pitt Def on his fantasy teams.

09.10.09 at 9:49 am

T.F. RikDik

Any post Ape writes about the Steelers these days has the same smug aggrandizing tone that Simmons employs when writing about the Pats or the post 2004 Red Sox. That and they are almost always completely devoid of humor. On a site so brilliantly funny, they stick out like a sore thumb.

09.10.09 at 9:50 am

ZeroCharisma

That meth looks like you could put it in samoa’s and sell it.

09.10.09 at 9:58 am

Tim Tebow's Girlfriend's Tits

<i<no way that kid isn't a Colts fan

You need to wait until at least Weel 4 to break out the double negatives. It took me ten minutes to get through this tag.

09.10.09 at 10:03 am

Christmas Ape

Yes, all those posts where I have Roethlisberger acting like a retard and Hines doing his pidgin Engrish thing are incredibly aggrandizing. And this one, if you ignore me making fun of Frank for being fat and unproven, is totally humping the Steelers.

TEXTBOOK FACKIN SIMMONS

09.10.09 at 10:06 am

Tim Tebow's Girlfriend's Tits

Someone didn’t watch the Titans/Chiefs game last year when LenDale scored on a 70-ish yard run.

So you’re saying that if we take away that run his average per carry plummets a half yard or so? Wow, he’s fatter and slower than we all thought.

09.10.09 at 10:08 am

newhopeinKC

@ jizzthrasher: I remember that 70-ish yard “run” you are talking about. It was more of a 70-ish yard “power waddle.”

09.10.09 at 10:22 am

ZeroCharisma

70-ish yard run known locally as “Music City Miracle Whip”.

09.10.09 at 10:26 am

Nate Newton's van

Fuck the corpse of Myron Cope. Did that guy have any ideas that weren’t fantastically stupid*?

*Not that a piss colored jizz rag doesn’t come in handy from time to time.

09.10.09 at 10:30 am

Slothrop

Me fair pidgin Engrish? That’s unpossibre!

09.10.09 at 10:31 am

Sherman

Fatback looks thin in that picture…

Also I think we’re missing the best line from that episode of WifeSwap. “Chicken Nuggets is like family”

09.10.09 at 11:01 am

fangirls on helium

no way that kid isn’t a Colts fan

Colts fans don’t bitch that much. Not even that kid.

/kid does look familiar though

09.10.09 at 11:19 am

Slothrop

Colts fans don’t bitch that much.

Right. Especially not after the 2003 playoffs. Nor denying the piped-in crowd noise at RCA.

09.10.09 at 11:45 am

Animal Mother

Love the little “LOW N SLO” license plate on the kids wall. Says it all about him and LenWhale.

/I do love me some bacon, AND it’s good for you too?

09.10.09 at 11:54 am

Cookie

You’re saying LeRon McClain isn’t a tank?

09.10.09 at 12:25 pm

scottro

“Someone didn’t watch the Titans/Chiefs game last year when LenDale scored on a 70-ish yard run”