Two Pounds of American Grease

Eagle’s Diner, in Brighton, MA, looks like a simple storefront greasy spoon. But inside lies a sacred place in the hamburger world: for it is here that you can order the Challenge Burger, 5 pounds of beef, 20 slices of cheese, 20 slices of bacon and 5 pounds of fries. The price? $50 – but it’s free if you can finish it. No one ever has.

My friend Amanda & I met at Eagle’s this weekend, and we were on a mission. Sadly, the mission was *not* to eat the Challenge Burger, since I needed to survive to write a blog about it. Instead, we picked the item a few places down on the menu: a pound of beef and a pound of fries for just $9.75. It’s enough to feed four small children. That’s why they call it Godzilla.

I ordered my Godzilla with American cheese, medium rare, with everything on it – an everything that includes pickles, lettuce, tomatoes, raw onions and mayo. Amanda ordered the same but with Cheddar instead of American; then, we sat and waited for ten minutes, sipping our drinks like prisoners waiting for their last meal. Finally, our numbers were called. Godzilla had emerged!

It’s safe to say that from the time the Godzilla Burger is assembled, it is falling apart. Two medium rare half-pound hamburgers stacked atop each other leak too many delicious juices for any bun to contain. Soon, the entire pile transforms into one gooey, sticky mass. But that’s part of the fun: trying to eat this thing. All I can say is, you’ll be surprised how much you can fit in your mouth at once. The beef melts in your mouth (and a little in your hand), and our burgers were cooked to perfection. The Godzilla has a sticky, sweet flavor that only the best-griddled diner hamburgers can provide. That’s why it’s atop my list of best burgers.

Just how big is a 16-oz burger? As I write this, 23 hours later, I have yet to eat a single bite of food since leaving Eagle’s. Last night I felt sort of intoxicated, like meat-drunk, and sent some strange emails while moaning about. 2 pounds of American grease is a lot, especially when churned together with unlimited Coke refills (an important gesture in the usually-stingy northeastern diner). So the answer is: big.

Eagle’s famously celebrates its label as “2nd best place in the world to pig out,” but I think it’s probably the best place in the world to have a cow. Next stop, the Cowabunga Burger: 2 pounds of beef, 2 pounds of fries.