During a talking-head interview on Britain's Channel 4 News, a UFO zipped by the head of MP Tom Watson, prompting confused viewers to contact the television station. Honestly, folks! The naivety here astounds me — any self-respecting citizen knows that there are UFOs in the background of every news broadcast.

They're just normally camouflaged thanks to the cold-fusion-powered Reptiloid Illuminati Shield Generator housed at the Bohemian Grove. That day's story was on Rupert Murdoch, so I wouldn't put it past the mogul to be in cahoots with the ancient astronauts.