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When I was a kid I used to love playing computer games, mostly role playing games. It was fun becoming completely absorbed in a virtual world where I could do magic and chop the head off a goblin. As I got older I started feeling guilty whenever I'd play on my playstation, because I should have been living my life in real life like a real person, so eventually I ended up just playing sports games where you didn't have to escape into a whole new universe and could just play for ten minutes at a time.

A couple of years ago I was playing Pro Evo 4 and my house got struck by lightning. As it happened, I sneezed and coughed at the same time as the electricity shot up through the controller. God knows how it happened, but I ended up getting sucked into the game. There I was, standing in the middle of the boggy green pitch wearing a bright yellow t-shirt. I was the bloody referee. I couldn't believe it. I've been here ever since.

The worst thing is that I only exist when someone is playing on the game, and to make sure that they keep coming back I have to get every decision right. The artificial linesmen do most of the work, but everytime someone gets tackled from behind and I haven't got a very good view I'm filled with sould consuming dread. If I end up sending someone off when he got the ball fairly whoever's playing will think the disc's broken and might throw it in a fire.