Do you judge families with one child?

I read a similar thread, in reverse, about one child families and whether they judge large families, and I thought it would be interesting to see how we think.

So, do you judge families with one child? Do you have an immediate internal reaction when you find out someone has an only? Even if you would never actually say something out loud to someone, do certain perceptions and judgements cross your mind?

Comments (123)

I'll get started. I can honestly say that I don't think I make negative judgements when I find out that someone has just one child. I might think "hmm, I wonder if she and I will have anything in common?" or I might worry about how she will perceive me and my family, but I can't say that I make any judgements prior to getting to know the family.

No, no judgments. I know several people who tried and tried to have more children, but only were able to have the one. You just never know what that family's situation is. I don't think I know anyone with one child who didn't have any more for "selfish" reasons, kwim? It was either they weren't able to have more, or they were in financial dire straits or there was hardship in the marriage/divorce, etc.

Technically most of the year I have an only and I miss the days when we have both kids. Though one time I was out with a freind who has three girls and me with the two girls, and they were going nuts and I turned to my friend and said 'remind me why I want more kids?' But her kids are far more er active than my two, so I think it may have just been me overwhelmed by her kids than the number of them. I kind of feel bad for onlies, cause they don't have a built in playmate, but then they get all the parental attention and money. There are plenty of studies about it, onlies are more this or that, middles are this or that... I think all familes gotta do whats right for them . However I would NEVER say soemthing to anyone about their family size. Though I did tease my friend with three, 'so your littlest is two now, you planning another?' cause all her kids are about 2 year apart.

Honestly, the number of children one has doesn't phase me. I don't think about it much and never assume anything. We had an "only" for a while before we changed our minds. I know a bunch of kids isn't for everybody, just as having none or 1 isn't as well.

I don't know that I judge ppl with one child but I do wonder about them and why they would choose that. I was an only child though, and I do judge my own parents for that because I think it was a selfish decision on their part and it was not the best thing for me.

I don't judge parents of only children...sometimes I do find myself judging the child---most of the only children that my daughter play with are the ones that go home in a rampage when things don't go their own way, and then come back 5 minutes later and expect things to cater their way. They're also the ones who start drama (for example, DD 's bff is an only, and they were playing house and both wanted to be the mom. BFF said 'why don't we have a coloring contest and whoever wins gets to be mom'. BFFs mom judged and said my DD was the best, well then the BFF had a meltdown because she wanted to win, and decided she didn't want to play anymore). I noticed that DD gets along much better with her friends who have siblings. It could be a coincidence, but it's a trend that I've noticed. DH and I say DD's BFF has only-child-syndrome, and we know when she comes over it will end with tears.

The only thing I worry about is the mom expecting me to follow her only child's lead. The reason for my judgement is past experience. It makes me uncomfortable because I am laid back & I don't like to hurt feelings, but no, I'm not going to follow her child's every whim when there is a group of children's needs to consider. We had a post similar to this a while back. My example was meeting the mom at the park, laying out lunch for all of the kids, her one child hopping up to go feed the ducks, and expecting me to pack up and follow. Ummm no. In general I don't judge, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little hesitant about how the only will act and how the parent will parent.

I don't think I know any families of onlies other than a couple who stopped with one because of that child's health issues, or because of marital issues. Honestly, I "judge" couples who remain childless more than parents of onlies.