Friday, April 30, 2010

Bad Romance

I don't think I am a terribly demanding soul, but there are a few things that I can't deal with.

-Having to turn on the heater on the last day of April. -Unpainted/chipped toe nails. -Vacations that require me to pile clothing on rather than strip it off.

and

-The freaking Dodgers losing to Pittsburgh. The Pirates. Seriously.

These are a few of lifes little maladies that I just cannot stand for. I demand that they be remedied, asap. My action plan includes the following things...

-I will throw open the blinds in my classroom and house, then strategically place myself in the sunlight that spills through. While it is freezing outside, the sun is still shining brightly. I'm hoping for some sort of radiant, microwave heating effect. Not really sure if that will work, though. I'm not a scientist, get off my back.

-Me+Sam+3:00pm=pedicure date. Yes, this is my second pedicure in as many weeks, but I kicked the leg of the coffee table. One thing I cannot abide, chipped polish.

-Summer in freaking Africa. I'll bless the rain down in Africa. I'll bless the hell out of that rain.

That leaves me with the last and most vexing problem in my life right now. The Dodgers. Being born and bred in Dodgertown, I have no choice but to bleed blue. I'm Dodger blue, through and through. I think there may be a little bit of Mafia blood running through my veins because we are a wildly loyal bunch. Giving up on the Dodgers would be equivalent to going against the family. And I think we all know how that story ends. I have just as many memories and life lessons learned at the feet of Tommy Lasorda and Vin Scully as I do from my own grandparents. To this day I would still choose a Dodgerdog, crackerjacks and a frozen lemonade over the most sprawling Thanksgiving feast.

But as of late, it seems the bloom is off the rose. The thrill is gone. Maybe I am having a crisis of faith. Maybe I am running out of nostalgia and good memories. Maybe it is the shame of Mannywood. Maybe it is the empty bullpen. Maybe it is the stupid freaking McCourts and all of their bad mojo. But top all of that with a loss to the Pirates...and I am nearly crushed.

I've heard it many times, from may people, that the Dodgers are like that bad boyfriend you know you should break up with but don't. Just when you have had enough, he gives you a glimmer of hope and you decide to give it one more try. Stick with him just a little longer. He's changing, really! For good this time! Yeah- that's exactly what it's like. And that's what has me thinking that I may one day become a battered wife. I've had 31 years of practice thanks to the Dodgers. No one can break your heart like the Boys in Blue can.

But really guys? If you insist on beating me down like the second cutest girl in the trailor park, could you at least hit me where the bruises won't show? I mean really, the Pirates? That's just cruel.

I'm a Pirates fan (hometown is one hour south of Pittsburgh so I also had no choice) but I'll agree with you -- it would be humiliating to lose to the Pirates right now. It may suck to be a Pirate, but it's gotta suck worse to be beat by us! ;)