Our Lady Of The Magic Dolphins writes today about "selfishness." This is an actual sentence that appears in the first paragraph of her column. This is an actual sentence that purports to be English, but the judges likely will be in consultation on that one for several months.

This common failing is the source of such woe!

Yeah, yeah, it gets worse. She claims that the passage of the Affordable Care Act is as similarly selfish an act as closing the George Washington Bridge was. (Dear Chris Christie: She's just not into you any more.) But consider that plaintive, heartfelt. Elizabethan cri de coeur that kicks things off. I believe she may have written this column with a finger sandwich dipped in her own vodka-laced tears. It's the exclamation point that makes it art. In any case, this is how Shakespeare must have sounded when he was really, really sockless.