fathers access rights? (posting for traffic)

namechanged in case friends wife is on here. posting in AIBU for traffic.

basically, my good friend has left his wife, about 4 weeks ago. They have a 1 year old dd. His wife has always been a bit controlling and 'odd', and has slowly driven away the majority of his friends and family over the 4 years they have been together. They had an argument last month and she said some disgusting things about his family, which kind of woke him up to what she was really like.

They split and she is now living at her mothers, with their dd. She has not allowed him to see dd since. Obviously he is totally heartbroken over this, as his daughter is his whole world. He has suggested various things eg, only seeing his daughter in a public place like a cafe/playgym, her supervising them at the house etc, but she is having none of it.

Her latest thing is that 'she is scared to see him', when there is zero history of violence/abuse from him. He is now terrified that she will lie and say he has hurt her or dd in order to stop contact for good.

He has made an appointment with a solicitor for the end of the week, but we just wanted to know, basically, is there any chance that she could keep his dd from him for good? If she lies will they just believe her even if there is no evidence? She has said she will do everything in her power to make sure he and his family never see dd again, but does she actually have this power?

It is pretty much unheard of for a parent who wants contact with their child to be denied it, even if they have a violent history (in which case supervised contact would be ordered), so no that isn't 'in her power'. However, if he is going around phrasing this as his 'rights' rather than his child's rights, and what is best for the child then that is going to make him look like a bit of a dick to the courts/everyone, so probably he should have a wee think about that before going storming in anywhere. There was a really good post on Lone Parents a while back where a father explained how he had come to realise that at such a young age, it's in everyone's interests to be supportive of the mother and child as a unit, which is true because if he harangues her into a mental breakdown at this point then it's certainly not going to do his child any good, or help him to get the kind of parenting role he claims to want. She hasn't said anything about abuse, just that she is scared to see him, which could mean she is worried about how she will react given that he has just dumped her with a baby to look after (unsurprising?), so being as confrontational as you seem to suggest is probably counterproductive...

yes he has said he will spend every penny he and his family has to get contact with his daughter. I dont doubt that he would do everything in his power. i actually hate her so much for doing this to him and their dd, its so selfish and nasty. I spoke to his mum the other day and she is in bits. I hope she is just lashing out and will come to her senses over time, but i wont hold my breath.

fudgeface i think you have the wrong end of the stick. He hasnt just 'dumped her with a baby', hes walked away from an emotionally abusive woman who has controlled every aspect of his life for the last 4 years. He would do anything for his child, and has text her offering to take dd out, send her money etc. Maybe i phrased it wrong talking about his rights, but i just meant what legal rights would he have. And i do think it would be best for his dd to see both her parents, he hasnt done anything wrong apart from finally stand up to the woman who has emotionally crushed him.

OP this will not end well. No one will believe that a man can be the vistim of domestic abuse or that a mother could possibly be in the wrong. I'll give it 10 minutes before you're accused of being the OW. FWIW advise your friend to see his solicitor ASAP and if necessary apply for residence of the child. Perpertrators of domestic abuse whatever their gender rarely make good resident parents and your friend has to put his daughter's safety first.

flasefucker im sorry but i think you are projecting. he doesnt need help to deal with his emotions, he's upset because he hasnt seen his child for 4wks!! its perfectly natural for him to be upset!and please dont start with 'people like me' you know zero about me.

Worra he has already said that he wishes he'd made more effort to keep his dd with him, but he thought he was doing the right thing, as he didnt want to cause a scene in front of his child. He also obviously didnt expect it to go down this road.

Why on earth should he have taken his child with him? Worra you cannot possibly know from the limited information given who the child's main carer is and how damaging that could potentially be. HE left, he doesn't get to high handedly remove children too.

OP this sounds very hard for him and his dd but be careful of not knowing the full story. If he gets legal advice he will almost definitely get contact but the mother could still make it very difficult, it can be hard to get some parents to stick even to court ordered contact. Sad situation for the child.

Flase - what do you mean "people like him and you"? Are you assuming the OP is lying and so is the father? Just because your ex and his friends/families acted unreasonably doesn't mean that all non resident fathers are the same. There are plenty of manipulative fathers out there but there are also plenty of spiteful Mothers too.

OP, your friend's ex can make accusations. Your friend need to deny them if they are not true. It is good that he is getting some legal help from a solicitor. Hopefully they can give him some advice on how to move forward. He could also look up Families Need Fathers and try to attend one of their meetings. They sometimes have solicitors who attend and offer pro bono advice. He may also meet other people who have experience of tackling an ex making false accusations and obstructing contact.

Good luck to him and I hope he manages to sort his relationship out with his child.

You sound very angry OP. I wonder if a visit to the GP may help you with your emotions also? Yes it is normal to feel upset in a traumatic situation, which is not going to be for a baby, seeing Dad dripping in tears, he obviously needs some support. Supporting him is obviously having a negative impact on your emotions. You do know this will likely go on for about two years, by the time it is sorted in court?