Parents who favor children....

I have found this to be more common than I than I first thought it was... For example, I have a cousin who is 23 and just had her second child 6 weeks ago. She has a daughter who just turned 4 last week and it's very clear that she favors the baby. I know everyone loves a baby so don't misunderstand me... Let me explain a little. She was 18 when she got pregnant with her daughter and didn't even know who the father was, she did not want a baby at that time but kept her anyways because she doesn't believe in abortion and didn't wanna give her up for adoption... Now her daughter is a complete horror and she cannot contain her at all. She never taught her to be a well behaved child or even tried and now no one can stand her daughter. This child bites, hits, kicks, punches (including her mother, even while pregnant) cusses like a sailor, and is just down right out of hand. My cousin is now married and has a new baby and is completely different with this child... It's as though they have given up on her daughter because they have a new baby to get right. She was even different with the pregnancy. I know it kinda makes sense cause now she is married and stable and planned this baby but what do you guys think about this?

I have found this to be more common than I than I first thought it was... For example, I have a cousin who is 23 and just had her second child 6 weeks ago. She has a daughter who just turned 4 last week and it's very clear that she favors the baby. I know everyone loves a baby so don't misunderstand me... Let me explain a little. She was 18 when she got pregnant with her daughter and didn't even know who the father was, she did not want a baby at that time but kept her anyways because she doesn't believe in abortion and didn't wanna give her up for adoption... Now her daughter is a complete horror and she cannot contain her at all. She never taught her to be a well behaved child or even tried and now no one can stand her daughter. This child bites, hits, kicks, punches (including her mother, even while pregnant) cusses like a sailor, and is just down right out of hand. My cousin is now married and has a new baby and is completely different with this child... It's as though they have given up on her daughter because they have a new baby to get right. She was even different with the pregnancy. I know it kinda makes sense cause now she is married and stable and planned this baby but what do you guys think about this?

I have strong feelings about this. I had my oldest son when I was barely 17. I gave up everything fun in life to be a good Mom. I worked my butt off to graduate, and had my associates degree by 19. His Dad was abusive and I left him when I was 19. (we had gotten married shortly after my 16th bday). I applied for and was accepted to nursing school and went and had my RN by 22. During nursing school I met my now DH. He is a wonderful man and loves my son and treats him well.

When DS started getting older he started reminding me of his Dad. He looked like him, picked up on mannerisms from him and even had facial expresions that reminded me of him. I had some unresolved issues I hadn't dealt with and started taking them out on my DS. I know this sounds terrible, it happened. I had to go to counseling to resolve those issues. I never stopped loving my DS. It took my DH pointing out to me how hard I was on him for me to admit there was a problem.

It is heart breaking to me. I gave up so much for him and I have to struggle every day to maintain a relationship with him. I never imagined that a relationship between my own child and me could be so difficult.

I'm not defending your cousin. It's horrible and there is no excuse. Say terrible things about me. I will probably agree. My children are my life. One relationship i just have to work a little bit harder at.

I have strong feelings about this. I had my oldest son when I was barely 17. I gave up everything fun in life to be a good Mom. I worked my butt off to graduate, and had my associates degree by 19. His Dad was abusive and I left him when I was 19. (we had gotten married shortly after my 16th bday). I applied for and was accepted to nursing school and went and had my RN by 22. During nursing school I met my now DH. He is a wonderful man and loves my son and treats him well.

When DS started getting older he started reminding me of his Dad. He looked like him, picked up on mannerisms from him and even had facial expresions that reminded me of him. I had some unresolved issues I hadn't dealt with and started taking them out on my DS. I know this sounds terrible, it happened. I had to go to counseling to resolve those issues. I never stopped loving my DS. It took my DH pointing out to me how hard I was on him for me to admit there was a problem.

It is heart breaking to me. I gave up so much for him and I have to struggle every day to maintain a relationship with him. I never imagined that a relationship between my own child and me could be so difficult.

I'm not defending your cousin. It's horrible and there is no excuse. Say terrible things about me. I will probably agree. My children are my life. One relationship i just have to work a little bit harder at.

I think it's cruel, I could never imagine favouring one of my children of the other. I only have one but when we have another when he's older I'll love them both the same; but then again I'm not in her situation.

What's sad is my boyfriends parents seems to favour their other grandchild. She does literally live there though, her mum hardly ever has her. But the other child gets jealous when my boyfriend or his brother pay attention to the baby, she shouts them and hits/kicks them. His mums said to her 'your still our favourite' even though my baby can't understand yet I don't think she should be saying stuff like that. They call the kid whose almost 5 a baby then says how ours won't be a baby long...wierd.

I think it's cruel, I could never imagine favouring one of my children of the other. I only have one but when we have another when he's older I'll love them both the same; but then again I'm not in her situation.

What's sad is my boyfriends parents seems to favour their other grandchild. She does literally live there though, her mum hardly ever has her. But the other child gets jealous when my boyfriend or his brother pay attention to the baby, she shouts them and hits/kicks them. His mums said to her 'your still our favourite' even though my baby can't understand yet I don't think she should be saying stuff like that. They call the kid whose almost 5 a baby then says how ours won't be a baby long...wierd.

I don't think that makes you a bad mother at all, I just think your ex must have put you through hell... This gives me some perspective because now I'm thinking maybe my cousin treats he daughter that way because she has resentment towards her possible baby daddies (I hate to put it that way but thats what they are). Not that it's an excuse by any means because your child is your child and should not be looked at through hateful eyes. She has never sacrificed a thing for her daughter. Her parents raised her basically till this point and when my cousin did have her she was always putting her in a bad or dangerous situation ie; using drugs with her in the car, being around people using drugs, dangerously driving, around abusive boyfriend, taking her around a guy who got his child taken away for abusing him... just ridiculous things like that. Once I stayed the night at her house, her daughter was about 9 months old and she dragged her baby out of bed to go meet up with a guy to go smoke crack!!!!!!! AHHHH! I called DHS but no one did anything... They made her sign a paper stating she wouldn't use drugs around the baby anymore! can you believe that ****????

I don't think that makes you a bad mother at all, I just think your ex must have put you through hell... This gives me some perspective because now I'm thinking maybe my cousin treats he daughter that way because she has resentment towards her possible baby daddies (I hate to put it that way but thats what they are). Not that it's an excuse by any means because your child is your child and should not be looked at through hateful eyes. She has never sacrificed a thing for her daughter. Her parents raised her basically till this point and when my cousin did have her she was always putting her in a bad or dangerous situation ie; using drugs with her in the car, being around people using drugs, dangerously driving, around abusive boyfriend, taking her around a guy who got his child taken away for abusing him... just ridiculous things like that. Once I stayed the night at her house, her daughter was about 9 months old and she dragged her baby out of bed to go meet up with a guy to go smoke crack!!!!!!! AHHHH! I called DHS but no one did anything... They made her sign a paper stating she wouldn't use drugs around the baby anymore! can you believe that ****????

Yes, I can believe it. My divorce decree states that my ex cannot use illegal drugs or drink in the presence of the child. WTH is going to stop him? It is sad for the poor kids. Maybe you should point it out to your cousin. It might help.

Yes, I can believe it. My divorce decree states that my ex cannot use illegal drugs or drink in the presence of the child. WTH is going to stop him? It is sad for the poor kids. Maybe you should point it out to your cousin. It might help.

I remember my mom's friend telling me (I was a teenager at the time) that every mom has a favorite child. She then continued to tell me she knew who my mom's favorite was (I was 1 out of 4 kids) but couldn't tell me who it was. I was baffled by her cruelty because I was the only adopted child and knew that it couldn't have been me. To this day I fear favoritism is real because I'm expecting my second child.

I remember my mom's friend telling me (I was a teenager at the time) that every mom has a favorite child. She then continued to tell me she knew who my mom's favorite was (I was 1 out of 4 kids) but couldn't tell me who it was. I was baffled by her cruelty because I was the only adopted child and knew that it couldn't have been me. To this day I fear favoritism is real because I'm expecting my second child.

I can't imagine ever placing someone elses cruelty on my own child. I really hope you find your way out of that placement issue permanently for your sons sake. It sounds like you're still having relationship issues.. and I just can't imagine.

I see other women seem to be supporting you because you are working on it, or you had baggage - whatever, I just can't get that.

wow, that's awful.

I can't imagine ever placing someone elses cruelty on my own child. I really hope you find your way out of that placement issue permanently for your sons sake. It sounds like you're still having relationship issues.. and I just can't imagine.

I see other women seem to be supporting you because you are working on it, or you had baggage - whatever, I just can't get that.

I have 3 kids who I love very dearly and if ever asked, could never choose one over the other but I will admit to liking one more than the others at different stages. For example my oldest DS was horrible when my younger DS was born so I liked my younger one better but now that my DD is here my older one is showing such maturity and is such a help whereas my younger one is acting up so now I like my older DS better. In a week the tables will turn again.

I have 3 kids who I love very dearly and if ever asked, could never choose one over the other but I will admit to liking one more than the others at different stages. For example my oldest DS was horrible when my younger DS was born so I liked my younger one better but now that my DD is here my older one is showing such maturity and is such a help whereas my younger one is acting up so now I like my older DS better. In a week the tables will turn again.

I didn't ask for, nor do I want or need support from these women. It is nice to hear their points but I certainly didn't post this to be coddled by anyone. She asked a question and I told her how it was possible. I agree with you that it is horrible.

I am still very involved and supportive in everything my son does. I would never lay my hands on him, and he is very well taken care of. In my situation it doesn't have anything to do with me loving him less or favoring my other kids but I can see how it could be viewed that way. And three years ago if anyone would have told me I'd be in this situation I'd have told them they were a damn fool. Has your relationship with your SO or your Mom ever suffered? Relationships have strain sometimes. I am a SAHM and I spend extra time every day nourishing that relationship. I'm glad you are a perfect parent though! Maybe if I stick around long enough I can learn from your greatness!

I didn't ask for, nor do I want or need support from these women. It is nice to hear their points but I certainly didn't post this to be coddled by anyone. She asked a question and I told her how it was possible. I agree with you that it is horrible.

I am still very involved and supportive in everything my son does. I would never lay my hands on him, and he is very well taken care of. In my situation it doesn't have anything to do with me loving him less or favoring my other kids but I can see how it could be viewed that way. And three years ago if anyone would have told me I'd be in this situation I'd have told them they were a damn fool. Has your relationship with your SO or your Mom ever suffered? Relationships have strain sometimes. I am a SAHM and I spend extra time every day nourishing that relationship. I'm glad you are a perfect parent though! Maybe if I stick around long enough I can learn from your greatness!

I'm not sure I can ever understand why people do this. I had my daughter right after I turned 18 and I love her dearly. Her father did not stay around and is not in her life. I'm now married and last year had another beautiful girl who I also love dearly. I did not stop loving my first daughter, or start loving her any less. My father stopped talking to me after I had my first daughter and I haven't spoken with him in nearly 10 years. I would say he definitely now favors my little brother who I have not seen either. It's quite painful to know that your parent not only favors your other sibling but doesn't even acknowledge that you exist. I would never do that to my kids on any level.

I'm not sure I can ever understand why people do this. I had my daughter right after I turned 18 and I love her dearly. Her father did not stay around and is not in her life. I'm now married and last year had another beautiful girl who I also love dearly. I did not stop loving my first daughter, or start loving her any less. My father stopped talking to me after I had my first daughter and I haven't spoken with him in nearly 10 years. I would say he definitely now favors my little brother who I have not seen either. It's quite painful to know that your parent not only favors your other sibling but doesn't even acknowledge that you exist. I would never do that to my kids on any level.

My Mom always favored my brother more then me, I was the quiet one and my brother was and still is the squeeky wheel. So really he demands more then me and it never really bothered me until I got older. I had a son when I was 16 and my Mom is very close to him and treats him like her own son. And I am glad they are like that ( he is the oldest grandchild) then I had another baby and noticed Mom wasn't as close to him but I thought because I do not live with her and I am married so that is why ( Or at least I thought that was why) Then I got pregnant again and my brother's girlfriend got pregnant at the same time, I had my daughter and then two weeks later she had her baby girl. Mom was close to my brothers baby and really had nothing to do with my two younger ones. She bought things for my brothers kid but not mine, she baby sat his kid but not mine. Even to this day ( daughter is almost 4) she is closer to my oldest ( almost 17) and my brothers kid then my other 2 kids. I have a feeling that it has to do with their race, my oldest is all white and my brothers kid is white but my other two are half hispanic!

My Mom always favored my brother more then me, I was the quiet one and my brother was and still is the squeeky wheel. So really he demands more then me and it never really bothered me until I got older. I had a son when I was 16 and my Mom is very close to him and treats him like her own son. And I am glad they are like that ( he is the oldest grandchild) then I had another baby and noticed Mom wasn't as close to him but I thought because I do not live with her and I am married so that is why ( Or at least I thought that was why) Then I got pregnant again and my brother's girlfriend got pregnant at the same time, I had my daughter and then two weeks later she had her baby girl. Mom was close to my brothers baby and really had nothing to do with my two younger ones. She bought things for my brothers kid but not mine, she baby sat his kid but not mine. Even to this day ( daughter is almost 4) she is closer to my oldest ( almost 17) and my brothers kid then my other 2 kids. I have a feeling that it has to do with their race, my oldest is all white and my brothers kid is white but my other two are half hispanic!

I know in my case I didn't wake up one day and decide I wanted to do this in my life. It was gradual, and it started with me being annoyed by the normal little annoying things kids do. I sought counseling for it as SOON as I realized it was a problem. I have never told ANYONE about this except my husband, the counselor, and now a forum full of strangers. Frankly, it feels great to talk about it. It was a long process to recognize and start to take care of the problem.

Like I said, it doesn't have anything to do with how much I love him. It has to do with the emotional attachment. The way I manifested that was by being hard on him and expecting more out of him. I was terrified he would end up like his Dad. Other parents are too hard on their kids for many reasons, and hopefully my son will never know the reason we went through that.

I know in my case I didn't wake up one day and decide I wanted to do this in my life. It was gradual, and it started with me being annoyed by the normal little annoying things kids do. I sought counseling for it as SOON as I realized it was a problem. I have never told ANYONE about this except my husband, the counselor, and now a forum full of strangers. Frankly, it feels great to talk about it. It was a long process to recognize and start to take care of the problem.

Like I said, it doesn't have anything to do with how much I love him. It has to do with the emotional attachment. The way I manifested that was by being hard on him and expecting more out of him. I was terrified he would end up like his Dad. Other parents are too hard on their kids for many reasons, and hopefully my son will never know the reason we went through that.

You did a responsible thing by seeking counseling and realizing something was wrong. I'm afraid to say a lot of parents don't do that, a lot of parents don't even try. They don't care. That is what I cannot understand.

You did a responsible thing by seeking counseling and realizing something was wrong. I'm afraid to say a lot of parents don't do that, a lot of parents don't even try. They don't care. That is what I cannot understand.

I have had a rough time bonding with my ds. He's my oldest. The girls I have a easier time with. I really try not to show favoritism but it's hard.

With ds I had I very rough pregnancy. I was hospitalized over and over, was on bed rest almost the whole time. I also moved away from my family when I was 9 weeks pg from Germany where my family was and to Florida where Dh was stationed. I had no friends. No family. No support and just graduated high school.

Ds's delivery was even worse. Everything seemed to go wrong. Yet again, I only had Dh for support. His family came up to see the baby, but I didn't know them that well at all. So I still felt very alone. Still had no friends or any support cause it was just me and Dh.

Ended up having severe post partum depression which I was medicated which did help. I also went and stayed with my family for 3 months in new jersey when they moved back to the states and Dh had to go tdy.

By the time I got pg with Dd. I was in a much better place emotionally. Pregnancy and delievery was very smooth and easy. I was on super good terms with Dh's family and we now lived near them so I had support and had made some friends in the area.

Me and ds never really bonded while he was a infant. It's hard for me to really understand him and the feelings I have with my Dds are easier to come by than for him. I feel so guilty and horrible the way I feel and I work really hard to try and make sure we have time together to bond. But it's still just not there like it always was with the girls.

So that's my perspective on it. Wanted to share my story with you so maybe you can see another side of the situation. I would never tell my son that I favor or prefer the other two. But that's how it is. And I try to never show it. But I know my feelings on the inside. And yes I'm in counseling. Still from the post partum years ago.

I have had a rough time bonding with my ds. He's my oldest. The girls I have a easier time with. I really try not to show favoritism but it's hard.

With ds I had I very rough pregnancy. I was hospitalized over and over, was on bed rest almost the whole time. I also moved away from my family when I was 9 weeks pg from Germany where my family was and to Florida where Dh was stationed. I had no friends. No family. No support and just graduated high school.

Ds's delivery was even worse. Everything seemed to go wrong. Yet again, I only had Dh for support. His family came up to see the baby, but I didn't know them that well at all. So I still felt very alone. Still had no friends or any support cause it was just me and Dh.

Ended up having severe post partum depression which I was medicated which did help. I also went and stayed with my family for 3 months in new jersey when they moved back to the states and Dh had to go tdy.

By the time I got pg with Dd. I was in a much better place emotionally. Pregnancy and delievery was very smooth and easy. I was on super good terms with Dh's family and we now lived near them so I had support and had made some friends in the area.

Me and ds never really bonded while he was a infant. It's hard for me to really understand him and the feelings I have with my Dds are easier to come by than for him. I feel so guilty and horrible the way I feel and I work really hard to try and make sure we have time together to bond. But it's still just not there like it always was with the girls.

So that's my perspective on it. Wanted to share my story with you so maybe you can see another side of the situation. I would never tell my son that I favor or prefer the other two. But that's how it is. And I try to never show it. But I know my feelings on the inside. And yes I'm in counseling. Still from the post partum years ago.

There are days I favor my 2 year old over my 2 1/2 month old, like when I want to actually have a conversation (my 2 year old is good at talking, he gets it from me lol). Then there are days that I want a few hours of quiet. Infants are pretty good at pulling off 4 hour naps and only waking to feed.I love both my children equally but there will always be certain attributes I will love more than the other. I like to bug my sisters that I am the favorite, I get compared to a lot. I don't think it has anything to do with me really, but the fact I'm the oldest.

There are days I favor my 2 year old over my 2 1/2 month old, like when I want to actually have a conversation (my 2 year old is good at talking, he gets it from me lol). Then there are days that I want a few hours of quiet. Infants are pretty good at pulling off 4 hour naps and only waking to feed.I love both my children equally but there will always be certain attributes I will love more than the other. I like to bug my sisters that I am the favorite, I get compared to a lot. I don't think it has anything to do with me really, but the fact I'm the oldest.

You said what I did was cruel. That was a bit of an exaggeration, don't ya think? My DS never even knew there was a problem with my emotional attachment. He was cared for the same as my other children, and I even made an effort to take him to do more one on one stuff, like bowling, movies and out to eat. I was describing a loss of an emotional bond that I recognized and got help for. What I did was by no means cruel. You don't have to understand it, I wouldn't have three years ago, but I never did anything that could be mistaken for cruel.

I jumped down your throat because this is obviously a sensitive subject for me. I don't need people to tell me that everything will be OK, and make everything better, but don't tell me I am cruel to my child. I don't think you know enough about me to make that judgment. I hope you never have any emotional issues that you have to deal with. They suck! I was abused by his Dad for three and a half years before I left him. I was age 16 to age 19. I never dealt with that properly. The counselor I saw for 9 months said what happened with me was very common for that situation. I still think it is awful, I said it myself in my original post.

You said what I did was cruel. That was a bit of an exaggeration, don't ya think? My DS never even knew there was a problem with my emotional attachment. He was cared for the same as my other children, and I even made an effort to take him to do more one on one stuff, like bowling, movies and out to eat. I was describing a loss of an emotional bond that I recognized and got help for. What I did was by no means cruel. You don't have to understand it, I wouldn't have three years ago, but I never did anything that could be mistaken for cruel.

I jumped down your throat because this is obviously a sensitive subject for me. I don't need people to tell me that everything will be OK, and make everything better, but don't tell me I am cruel to my child. I don't think you know enough about me to make that judgment. I hope you never have any emotional issues that you have to deal with. They suck! I was abused by his Dad for three and a half years before I left him. I was age 16 to age 19. I never dealt with that properly. The counselor I saw for 9 months said what happened with me was very common for that situation. I still think it is awful, I said it myself in my original post.

This happened in my house, it still does really. My Mom favors my younger sister, I think because she's the younger one. My Mom expects a lot more out of me, and tends to be a lot harsher on me, while my sister can get away with bloody murder. It just happens. At the same time, being older and more responsible means that I get more independence than my sister does. Being the favored child means my sister gets kept closer to home. Both sides have perks, and I think it is natural to have inequalities between siblings to some degree. But there is a point where it becomes an issue, like if you blatantly ignore one child for another.

This happened in my house, it still does really. My Mom favors my younger sister, I think because she's the younger one. My Mom expects a lot more out of me, and tends to be a lot harsher on me, while my sister can get away with bloody murder. It just happens. At the same time, being older and more responsible means that I get more independence than my sister does. Being the favored child means my sister gets kept closer to home. Both sides have perks, and I think it is natural to have inequalities between siblings to some degree. But there is a point where it becomes an issue, like if you blatantly ignore one child for another.

My husband's exwife favors their youngest. What is sad is that the ex's mom and sister see it as well as all of us and worst of all my dsd. The girls are 7 and 10 and the 7 year old is such an attention grabber and also gets and gives her mom lots of attention. My 10yo sd has mentioned it before and is really bothered by it. We try to balance it out as much as possible at our house. We also don't let the younger one get away with near as much as her mom does.

My husband's exwife favors their youngest. What is sad is that the ex's mom and sister see it as well as all of us and worst of all my dsd. The girls are 7 and 10 and the 7 year old is such an attention grabber and also gets and gives her mom lots of attention. My 10yo sd has mentioned it before and is really bothered by it. We try to balance it out as much as possible at our house. We also don't let the younger one get away with near as much as her mom does.

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