How the f@k did they get shit on the ceiling?

On a return trip from the men’s wc at work, my friend at work came up right to my desk in what was a disturbed state to say the least….”Who the hell takes the middle pisser” was the first words out of his mouth…as he said that another guy walked right to us “I don’t mind that, it gives me more arm space, but how the fuck did they get shit on the ceiling?”

So I found some bathroom rules that should help in creating a stress free and successful bathroom experience.

1. Deciding on the stall to take…Generally speaking, allow a “damper zone” between stalls and/or fixtures. Do not take the middle stall in a 3 stall configuration…that stall should be there as a prop and should very rarely be used, unless theres a run on the bathroom and its every man for themselves. I especially like…. When unsure of proper etiquette, follow the lead of the most experience user. That’s right, do what the old guy is doing. Unless he’s really old and is doing things that would indicate loss of memory but no matter what its never ok to ask for help.

2. Don’t talk

3. Avoid any “neck twisting, wrenching or extending” …and eye contact….if you stare for more than 10 seconds….your gay.

4. Clean up after yourself in stalls…..avoid shit on the ceiling

5. Close the stall door….no one wants to see that.

6. Wash your hands….I know you’re out there…I see you all the time.

7. Flush…your mom didn’t teach you that?

I know there’s so many more, and there’s so many different scenarios….but those are on a case by case basis that I’m sure with some common sense on everyone’s part can be overcome…(trough urinals anyone?)