“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 103: Grimm the Cowboy & Iona

Paula bought me a pair of boots to go with Eastwood. The boots are a faded kind of dark brown, the style is rambler square toe. Yeah I’m a rambler, and yesterday I rambled and in the process I decided to go to the pet store. I wore my Eastwood, the ramblers, black jeans and black t-shirt, and I rambled off with my little kitten on my shoulder. I figured I’d buy her a leash since I bring her everywhere. Mostly I can hold her or carry her on my shoulder. Sometimes I take my hat off and carry her in that. At work I let her wander around. Sometimes she wants to get down, so a leash would be a good idea.

I went into the pet store and I asked the girl if there were leashes small enough for my kitten. She was like “AAAAAaaaaaaawwwwwwWWWW she’s soooooo cuuute! What’s her name?”

“Gary Oldman.”

And then she laughed hysterically, “Seriously?”

“Yep.”

“You should name her Clint Eastwood, cowboy.”

I paused for a minute because I really liked being called cowboy. I really really like it. Then I said “The hat’s named Eastwood.”

“And the boots?”

I came up with a name on the spur of the moment, note that I used the word spur just now, since we’re talking about cowboy boots, “The boots are my Stepping Wolves.”

Then she exposed a literary knowledge, “Like Steppenwolf?”

“Yeah, nice.”

“You’re clever, cowboy.”

Damn, that made me want her so bad. She had brown hair with pink streaks, a nose ring, and brown eyes. She was really short and overweight. She had henna tattoos on her hands that were half faded, some completely gone. She smelled slightly of jasmine. She was fucking adorable. I was thinking that if she called me cowboy one more time, my dick would be too hard for me to be able to walk.

She brought me to the section with the leashes and helped me pick one designed for those tiny dogs, the mini chihuahua pups because that’s what would fit a kitten. The girl offered pink, but I said nah, Gary Oldman (II) likes black. We put the leash on and Oldman just kind of rolled around on the floor attacking it, so I slowly dragged her to the register. It was a body collar, not around the neck so it wouldn’t hurt her. I’d never do anything to hurt her.

As I cashed out, the girl, whose name tag read “Iona” called me cowboy again.

I said, “That’s it, I’ve had enough of that. Now you have to go out with me.”

She said, “Really??”

It took me a minute to convince her I wasn’t fucking with her, but once I did, I told her I’d be back when she got out of work and we could go for coffee.

After I left I thought, “oops.” wtf is my problem, Paula… damn.

So I rambled home and told Paula that I accidentally made a date with this cute girl at the pet store. Paula was really appreciative of my honesty and kind of impressed by it. But she said we need to define our relationship because if I was happy, I wouldn’t cheat or be tempted. I told her if I wasn’t happy I wouldn’t be with her. I like being with her, living with her, I think she’s good for me. She told me to just go on the date and we’ll think about things. But then she added, “Don’t forget I own you,” and she laughed though she clearly wasn’t joking.

ummmmmmm, yeah

It’s kind of flattering but I don’t know how to interpret that with complete accuracy. Whatever, I can leave whenever I want. I’ll let her own me until I’m done with that. And I got to go on this date with this girl. After coffee she asked if I wanted to go have some wine at her place. I felt bad for her because either she has good instincts or she’s naive, because I just think it’s weird for a girl to invite a guy they don’t know to their place so soon. Just because I have a kitten doesn’t make me a nice guy. I told her I can’t drink, I quit, but I’d go with her.

Iona had a tiny two-room apartment and lived alone. We walked in and she got all nervous. She got me some water and we sat smoking on her couch and talking. Then she shyly said, “you’re the most attractive guy who’s ever asked me out…well, no guys really ask me out much.”

Then I was thinking I was an asshole since I only wanted to fuck her because she called me cowboy, but I also liked her, genuinely.

She said, “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Nah, you’re all right.” I kissed her.

“There are so many other things I want to say that I shouldn’t.”

“Like what?”

“I won’t say them.”

“You can say anything to me.”

“No way cowboy, don’t charm me with those puppy dog eyes.”

Then we fucked. Oops. But Paula had to expect that.

Anyway, weird thing is, I really like this girl, like I’ve been thinking about her. If I fuck someone I just meet, most times I forget about them, or if I think about them it’s because that’s how good the fuck was. But with Iona, I’m thinking about her because I enjoyed her company. She’s smart, funny, and I enjoyed our conversations. I told her to come by the book store today. I don’t know how old she is, and come to think of it, I don’t remember telling her my name. No problem, she can just keep calling me cowboy.

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