It is time to talk about teen suicide

May 5, 2013

Photos from the HB543 signing. Gov. John Kasich signing HB 543 into law. He is standing with Marlene Anielski, a state representative. She is holding a photo of her son, Joseph Anielski, who took his life three years ago. / Provided

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IF YOU NEED HELP

• If in crisis, or if you need immediate help, call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) for assistance.

COMMUNITY SCHOOLS REACT

La Salle High School this week has received much support. Businesses and other schools sent flowers and food. Banners and cards and notes have offered prayers. Some said, “We are all Lancers.”

Small gestures, the result of young students wanting to do something, might have been the most touching. The young men at Elder High School, where ties are not part of the dress code, wore them this week to honor their rival, La Salle, where ties are part of the dress code. The girls at McAuley all wore red T-shirts and stood for a photo holding up the hands shaped as the letter “L” for the Lancers. The boys at St. Xavier, where the color is decidedly blue, wore red. And the volleyball team at Chaminade Julienne in Dayton wore red socks for a match this week.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU SUSPECT SOMEONE IS AT RISK FOR SUICIDE

Take it seriously

• 50 percent to 75 percent of people who attempt suicide tell someone about their intention. • Begin by telling the suicidal person you are concerned about them. • Tell them specifically what they have said or done that makes you feel concerned about suicide. • Don’t be afraid to ask whether the person is considering suicide, and whether they have a particular plan or method in mind. These questions will not push them toward suicide if they were not considering it. • Avoid pleading and preaching to them with statements such as, “You have so much to live for,” or “Your suicide will hurt your family.” Take action

• If the person is threatening, talking about, or making specific plans for suicide, do not leave the person alone. • Remove any firearms, drugs or sharp objects from the area. • Take the person to a walk-in clinic at a psychiatric hospital or a hospital emergency room. Source: The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

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John Faherty is the father of four children. He, his wife and children have been affected by the suicide of a loved family member. Reach him at jfaherty@enquirer.com

Suicide is a subject to avoid. Youth suicide even more so. It is the opposite of polite conversation. But sometimes it becomes unavoidable.

A high-profile suicide attempt last week at La Salle High School has brought the subject out of the darkness. It presents an opportunity now for parents and children to talk about this most unpleasant topic. Perhaps it is an imperative.

In Ohio in 2011, 14.3 percent of high school students “seriously considered attempting suicide,” according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s annual Youth Risk Behavior Study.

Nationally, 16 percent of this age group “seriously considered suicide.” A full 13 percent reported creating a plan, and 8 percent said they tried to take their own life in the 12 months preceding the survey. The CDC puts it bluntly: “Suicide is a serious public health problem.” It is the third leading cause of death among people aged 15-24.

But these are just numbers. State Rep. Marlene Anielski, from northeast Ohio, knows the singular pain of losing a child to suicide. Her son Joseph was a high school senior in Cleveland when he killed himself in 2010.

“He took his life 165 weeks ago today,” Anielski said Thursday. “He was my oldest. He would be 21 years old.”

Anielski loved her son and is proud of him. But as a grieving mother, she has learned much about how uncomfortable the topic makes people. When people ask her how her son died, she tells them he took his own life.

“You can see them cringe,” Anielski said. “I lost my son they same way a mother who loses her son in an accident lost her son. I call it the silent epidemic. People don’t want to talk about it.”

But they must. There seem to be two types of parents left in the aftermath of a suicide or a suicide attempt: those who sensed there was trouble, and those who had no idea. Anielski is in the latter group.

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She said her Joseph was tall and handsome. He was a well-liked honors student at St. Ignatius High School, and had already been accepted to college. The future seemed so inviting. “He was a good kid, tons of friends. He was athletic, he rowed crew,” Anielski said. “We still don’t understand why. You can wonder why and drive yourself mad.”

So Anielski wants more people looking out for the welfare of the state’s children. All might see the same child a little bit differently. A parent will have one perspective. A teacher might have a second. A school bus driver or a coach might have a third.

In 2012, Anielski sponsored a bill in Joseph’s honor that passed the Legislature and was signed by the governor. It became law six weeks ago.

It requires all public schools to “incorporate training in youth suicide awareness and prevention into the in-service training ... for each person employed by a school district or service center to work in a school as a nurse, teacher, counselor, school psychologist, or administrator, and any other personnel that the board determines appropriate.”

In fact, La Salle has had a nurse and suicide prevention expert come and speak to sophomores about suicide awareness and prevention resources for the past 12 years. La Salle is one of the 20 schools where she educates students.

If this proves anything, it might be that suicide prevention must be addressed by all people who care about a teenager. Parents have grown accustomed to talking to their children about avoiding alcohol and other drugs, about date rape and condoms. Parents talk about the dangers of texting and driving. Suicide needs to be part of the conversation.

The boy who shot himself Monday in front of classmates remains in critical condition at the University of Cincinnati Medical Center.

Liz Atwell is the director of the Mental Health America of Southwest Ohio, which spends much of its time on suicide prevention. She says first, people must start talking. “It is difficult for people,” Atwell said. “I think they are really scared. Your brain can wrap itself around an accidental death, but when somebody takes their own life ... .”

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Atwell advises parents to talk to their children when they are young, before they may begin to experience difficulty. The idea then, she says, is not to talk about suicide.

“The biggest thing people can do is teach how to ask for help,” she said. “Teach that it is OK to ask for help.”

High school can be a particularly difficult age. Mental illness can materialize, hormones can begin to rage, there is pressure, both real and imagined, at school. So when parents talk to their children, they must actually listen. And if there is any trouble, Mom and Dad must respond.

Atwell says no stone should be left unturned. Call the family doctor, teachers and school guidance counselors. Involve therapists and social workers.

“The key here is to get multiple people involved, to build a support system,” Atwell said. “And, along they way, you are gathering pieces of information, pieces of the puzzle.”

Suicide is not, however, a problem that dissipates as people age. The Centers for Disease Control reported Friday that in 2009, suicide surpassed car accidents as a cause of death in this country. The data showed “substantial increases in suicide rates among middle-aged adults (adults aged 35-64 years) in the United States.”

The 28 percent increase was attributed to the economic downturn, increased availability of prescription opioids and the fact that the baby boomer generation had a high rate of suicide during their adolescence.

Anielski thinks people may need to get past the language of suicide and their fear of talking about it. She said the word itself may be off-putting.

“I dislike that word. It is so negative, there is so much stigma,” Anielski said.

“For my Joe, I say he took his life. It’s softer. It’s easier for people.”■