Recently
the print and broadcast media has finally taken notice of the issue of young
people being bullied because they are, or merely perceived to be, gay, lesbian,
bi-sexual, or transgender (GLBT). The existence of such mistreatment is nothing
new; it has been occurring forever. What is new is that the issue is getting
attention. There has also been an increase in coverage of young people
committing suicide in response to on-going abuse by their peers, as well as the
lack of meaningful action by school administers and other authority figures.
GLBT kids are told to hang in there, things will get better, and people will
eventually change their minds. All of which is true, but misses the point. I
would never tell a child being sexually molested at home, don't worry, things
will be better when you get older and can get out to the house and away from
the offender. The victim's behavior isn't the problem-the offender's behavior
is the problem.
On the issue of domestic violence most people have
stopped asking, why does the victim stay with the perpetrator, and begun to why
does the perpetrator think this behavior is acceptable, and what can be done to
stop it? We need a similar paradigm shift in regards to the verbal and physical
abuse suffered by GLBT people.

Since
it seems unlikely that in the near future the widespread abuse of GLBT students
will disappear, what is a young person to do? Over many years my clients and I
have come up with a number of strategies for responding to verbal bullying.
There is no one right response for all situations, therefore I always recommend
becoming familiar with all of them so as to have the greatest number of
options.

Be Powerfully Silent

Bullies attack people in order to get a reaction,
therefore refusing to give them the type of response they are seeking is a way
of standing up to them. By being silence I don't mean looking at the floor in
humiliation, but rather making full eye contact with the bully while remaining
silent, thereby sending the message to the bully and to other people witnessing
the event, "Your remarks aren't worthy of a verbal response."

Express
Surprise

For most people, the kind of insulting remarks about
African-Americans that used to be common are no longer acceptable, but we have
not yet reached that point when it comes to insulting remarks concerning GLBT
persons. GLBT students and their allies can send the message that name-calling
is unacceptable by expressing surprise that there is still someone who would
make such ignorant and hurtful remarks.

"Wow, what
century are we in? I thought that kind of thinking died out during the last
century, along with racism and sexism."

"Wow, that
certainly was a rude thing to say."

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"How unfortunate
that hatred and prejudice continues to exist in some people's minds."

Play Dumb

On
the television program, Colombo , the
main character was a seemingly inept police detective that showed up to crime
scenes in a rumpled trench coat with the stub of a cigar. He would convince
suspects that he was completely incompetent by playing dumb, but then would
solve the case, usually by asking one last question as he made for the door. He
wasn't afraid to appear as if he were a bungling idiot because he knew he wasn't.
GLBT students can utilize this same technique in response to bullies-when
insulted play dumb.

"I don't
understand what you mean; I'm not familiar with this term f_ggot ."

"I'm not clear
how you are trying to help me with that statement."

"Would you say
that more slowly, I'm not sure I heard you correctly?"

"Please speak
up, I didn't hear you"No, I still didn't get all of it, please say it louder."

Be Delighted

Since the goal of bullying is for the victim to be
embarrassed and humiliated, to refuse to do so is to defeat the purpose.
Eleanor Roosevelt was speaking about race when she said, "Nobody can make you
feel inferior without your consent," but her message is just as appropriate for
GLBT people.

Dr. Mic Hunter is licensed as both a psychologist and a marriage and family therapist. He is the author of numerous books. His private practice is in Saint Paul, Minnesota, where he lives with his wife of 27 years. He is the author of numerous books (more...)