Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Ordinary Days

I have struggled a lot in the past year with my
self-confidence. Maybe it was turning 40. Maybe it’s that going back to school
makes me realize I am neither as smart nor as capable as I once thought. Maybe
it’s because being faced with the reality of providing for my family makes me
feel ridiculously inadequate. Maybe it’s the fact that my “you-look-so-cute-today”-child
moved out and left me with my “those-shoes-are-ugly” and my “i-don’t-know-why-people-think-you’re-funny.you’re-really-not”-children. And the one
who pees in my closet.

Perhaps it’s the culmination of all of it. Whatever it is,
it’s been a strange, hard year. And one
that has really made me question my abilities and my worth.

Rewind to a couple weeks ago. Twice a year, my church has a general
conference. This is a time when leaders from the different organizations in the
church come together and share messages of hope and faith and love. It happens
every April and October. This year it happened to be on Easter. So to prepare
for it, during the prior week I decided to listen to talks from the
previous conferences when I could. One morning while I was getting ready for
work, I had one of the talks from last October playing in the background. I was
half listening-half yelling at my 5-year old to finish his breakfast-half feeling
like a slob because my bathroom is a mess and I never have the energy to clean
it-half hating my clothes and my face and my hair like I do every morning when
I’m getting ready. (That’s a lot of halves shoved into just one whole morning.
I know.)

And then I heard something that made me pause.
And filled me with gratitude because I needed to hear it:

My dear sisters, whether you are 8 or 108, there is
one thing that I hope you truly understand and know:

You are loved.

The infinite and eternal Creator of light and life
knows you! He is mindful of you.

Yes, God loves you this very day and always.

He is not waiting to love you until you have overcome
your weaknesses and bad habits. He loves you today with a full understanding of
your struggles. He is aware that you reach up to Him in heartfelt and hopeful
prayer. He knows of the times you have held onto the fading light and
believed—even in the midst of growing darkness. He knows of your sufferings. He
knows of your remorse for the times you have fallen short or failed. And still
He loves you.

And God knows of your successes; though they may seem
small to you, He acknowledges and cherishes each one of them. He loves you for
extending yourself to others. He loves you for reaching out and helping others
bear their heavy burdens—even when you are struggling with your own.

He knows everything about you. He sees you clearly—He
knows you as you really are. And He loves you—today and always!

Do you suppose it matters to our Heavenly Father
whether your makeup, clothes, hair, and nails are perfect? Do you think your
value to Him changes based on how many followers you have on Instagram or
Pinterest? Do you think He wants you to worry or get depressed if some
un-friend or un-follow you on Facebook or Twitter? Do you think outward
attractiveness, your dress size, or popularity make the slightest difference in
your worth to the One who created the universe?

He loves you not only for who you are this very day
but also for the person of glory and light you have the potential and the
desire to become.

Despite the fact that I had JUST put on mascara, tears streamed down my face as I listened to this. In that brief moment, I felt loved. And understood. And beautiful. I say brief moment, because that day went on. And it was just another ordinary day. One where I messed up, and failed, and doubted myself. I lost my temper, I didn’t make dinner for my kids, I struggled with homework. Ordinary day. But the message I heard that morning has stayed in the back of my mind through all of my ordinary days. And it has been a reminder to me of where to look for validation.

Because it is easy to forget. Particularly in a world when we are ceaselessly bombarded with images of people more attractive, richer, and more successful than we are. Particularly in a world where friends, followers, readers, retweets, shares, likes, and comments have become just another way to gauge ourselves and fall short. It is easy to forget that none of that matters. But it is vital to remember.

Because no matter who we are: We are known. We are cherished. And we are loved. Every ordinary day.

2 comments:

You must have written this just for me. This is something that I seem to be struggling with, and fighting against, and praying about, and I just can't seem to get my head around it. We really do forget how important it is for us to feel loved. Thanks for the reminder. (And for being awesome and beautiful and making my life so much brighter and more meaningful every day because you are in it.)