Friday, July 29, 2011

Pearl asked me to create a small application that will only run the module I was developing. I asked my team lead if it was doable within the day, and he said yes while explaining to me a possible implementation of the task that was given to me.

Four hours have passed, and my application was stumbling on error after error. My enthusiasm about the weekend was dashed, washed away by the rain that continued to pour relentlessly. As an act of desperation, I once again consulted with Ervs, a team lead of ours. Within thirty minutes, he was already able to make the bare essentials of the application I was creating to work. I thanked him again and again until I was already lugging my things to go home, since I was very well aware that he stopped what he was doing in order for him to help me with my task. Without his help, I might still be at the office, slumped on my chair and dreading how unable I was.

The jeep I rode home was packed with people. The jeep had an unusual warmth to it, a kind of heat that was soothing and comforting. I said a little prayer before I alighted, and when I did, the lady after me called my attention and handed me a twenty-peso bill that I have dropped. I thanked her for her kind deed and parted our ways.

Two acts of kindness, one being bold, while the other less visible albeit quaint. More often than not, people tend to neglect the little things that happen in life, but in reality, are as important as the biggest things unfolding before our eyes.

Monday, July 25, 2011

As I waited under the unusually crowded shed across my office, a familiar face emerged and stood out of the sea of strangers I was in. He was one of the blue-collars working inside our office. I have to admit that at first glance, I didn't like him. But as time passed, my interest in him grew.

I do not know his name or where he came from. Neither do I know how his voice sounds like. All I know is he works at the office, and I see him each and every day that passes.

Standing at a distance, I stole small glimpses to appease my urge to at least know his name. I found it a little humorous that as I was silently checking him out, he was furtively staring at the pretty girl standing near him. I chuckled a little bit because of how awkward the situation was. He never paid attention to my presence, and soon after, he caught a ride home. As soon as he left, my knees started to tremble uncontrollably. Trying to strengthen my weakened knees, I stepped backwards and looked at the pretty girl that he was sighting.

I felt an overwhelming sense of emptiness. I questioned what I was really feeling: attraction, or just plain pity. And if it was a wrong kind of mercy, was it for him, or for myself?

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Most of the time in our quest for happiness, we tend to over complicate things for ourselves and for the people around us. Wanting only the best for themselves, people easily get frustrated and upset over the littlest things that do not go in their way.

The happiest people aren't those who have everything; it is the people who make the most out of everything. Happiness and contentment are two similar but different things. In this path I'm taking, I'm trying to be content with what I have and thankful for the things that will yet to come.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Despite the dreaded call time in the morning, I managed to get to work on time. That's right, I wasn't late. The tight penalty of having to treat the whole team ice cream on Friday seemed to have taken a significant impact on my thriftiness.

It was something quite difficult for me. Waking up early meant I had to change my routine of sleeping in the wee hours of the morning. I had to choose the things I wanted to do before I hit the sack. I had to tap the discipline that was inside me to make me sleep at midnight. It wasn't easy, but I managed to do it. I have to admit that I am still reliant on outside reinforcement when it comes to discipline, but there's a start to everything.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

I have to admit I am a person of photo finishes and minutes past punctuality. It's either because I stay up late and end up waking up to a frenzied dash to work, or I sleep and wake up early only to slack off to a sluggish morning. The point is, I cannot seem to leave the house early. I have tried adjusting my watch to be a few minutes early, only to end up adjusting and adjusting the thing until it was already almost an hour ahead -- and I still get tardy.

This afternoon, my team called for a meeting regarding the shift of schedule for our project. The seniors have decided to shift our "official" work time from ten to nine in the morning. The reasoning behind the move was for our onsite counterparts to be off the hook earlier, since the time difference was a full twelve hours. Thinking about how cumbersome the current schedule was for the onsite, it was okay for me. The catch was there was a pretty steep penalty for tardiness. It was then that I had doubts about my capacity to hit the sack early in order not to be late.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

As I sat inside the dimly lit seating of the jeep, I discreetly looked at the other people riding along with me, a routine that I usually do as soon as I have seated squarely inside the vehicle. Every night, I look at the different expressions of people hailing from all walks of life, and every night, I ask Him to keep everyone on board safe and sound.

What caught my attention was the little girl who was being embraced by her mother, and the lady sitting beside them. The girl had this innocent look in her eyes as she was staring on the box of pizza the lady had sitting adjacent to her. As I was silently watching her from a short distance away, I cannot deny myself to think what I actually felt. There was an urge of wanting to help, but for what reason? Out of gentle kindness, or out of sheer pity?

As I pondered on what was happening, the little girl slowly slouched, let out a deep sigh, and turned away from what enchanted her for so long. It was as if she realized something, and upon that, lost all interest in what the lady was toting. It wasn't long before I knocked loudly to signal the modest driver to grind his vehicle to a halt.

Life is such. People seek to understand it, but no one fully grasps its meaning. We use our heart and our reason to find a rhyme in a song that we never really hear or sing.

Monday, July 11, 2011

I find myself always wanting to take back things that I have just said. It is either I thought of something better to make the point across, or things didn't turn out the way I foresaw them. During these times, I feel somewhat shallow, being unable to fully and clearly express what I want to say. What happens is that I usually say the first thing that comes into my mind. Hasty, if I can say so myself.

I just find it worrying at times. I no longer fit the description a student sheltered by the familiarities of school. Whether I like it or not, I am now a professional, striving to find my space in the real world. I need to teach myself to slow things down in order for myself to actually catch up.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

For almost a week, there have been no contact between me and the person I like. For the past few months, our "one-sided" exchange of messages was everyday. More than five days have passed, and my inbox is still empty of his name. I have been telling to myself to stop and cut the bud in its roots, but I chose not to.

Now, I feel that I have the reason to do so. I am not sad at all, but disappointed at the very least. Maybe now is the time to move on and face reality. With silence in between us, now might be the chance to drop everything and start anew towards the truth that has been there for so long.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Today marks a celebration of independence for the country of stars and stripes.

History narrates the valorous struggle of heroes in the battlefield to achieve freedom from the oppressive enemy. Blood was shed, lives were lost, and many a people shouted equality and liberty. But in the modern age today, we are shackled by different chains than those of the past ages. We are bound by the cuffs of materialism, and us alone hold the key to our own self-righteous freedom.

Amidst the deteriorating standard of living and the widening chasm between the rich and the poor, I can't say there is much freedom. Liberty, for me, has changed meaning. In its most profound sense, freedom is living simply and seeing others may simply live.