It was about midnight, after a few Jameson and ginger ales, John*, 27, was expressing his desire to fuck me in the ass. It was our first date.

"How about I do the same to you?" I responded, imagining strapping on my average-sized silicone cock with attached vibe and shoving it inside of him.

He turned to me with pure incredulous delight. "Okay!"

Upon arriving at my apartment, we ripped each other's clothes off and immediately started getting it on. He was instantly hard. I strapped on my cock, threw him down on all fours and shoved my fingers inside of him. As soon as he was loose enough, I thrust my cock inside of him. It wasn't difficult, though from his moans I could tell it was his first time. I could also tell he loved every minute of it.

"It's not the power dynamic part that gets me hot, but the visceral pleasure of getting fucked by a woman," explained Dean, 30, of his desire to have me strap on a silicone cock and throw him over some furniture. Eventually, I did, watching him use my cock to please himself just as I had used so many others.

I had arrived at the idea of reversing roles hesitantly while seeing Jack, a man twelve years my senior whose subservience was not something that I relished. I liked to be submissive on occasion -- letting a man pound me for hours was more my speed -- though I also loved climbing on top and taking control. He tried desperately to bring out my dominant side, but I wasn't ready.

I stewed on the idea for months until I met a 28-year-old blonde named Ben. I brought the idea up, and he was willing to experiment, but hesitated at the idea of submitting to me. Every time the conversation turned to pegging -- a term coined by sex advice columnist Dan Savage -- he became flummoxed. Trust was the key.

One Saturday afternoon we took a field trip to Soho's Babeland and landed in front of a glass shelf lined with dildos. I kept quiet. I knew that for this to happen, he would have to feel like he was making the decision. Ben looked at the silicone phalluses solemnly, his eyes darting from size to size, finally landing on a flesh-toned cock of average length and girth. We found a harness with a vibrator for me and headed for the register.

Back at home, Ben was beginning to get cold feet. "Let's try it without the harness for now," he begged. I knew I wouldn't get to fuck him unless he was totally comfortable. I worked him up with my fingers, before lubing up the cock and slowly plunging it inside of him. After a few minutes, Ben's face crinkled and he squirmed a bit before declining to go on. He wasn't ready to submit, but I was aching for more.

Sometimes women are more squeamish about this act than men, like I had been at first.

"There is also a hesitation from women, because they think, 'Is this guy really gay?' " Jack had told me. "But I always say, the activity is gender neutral, attraction to a gender is the identity."

Since reversing gender roles in the bedroom, I feel quite liberated, and honestly, slightly more brutish. My innate urge to fuck has grown stronger, and I often catch myself checking out guys on the street with a whole new perspective: my appreciation for a man's ass has grown exponentially.

But while I carry this experience with a badge of honor, all the men I've encountered with my cock -- save for Jack -- carried some shame over our trysts. When I called John recently to ask him how he felt, belatedly, about our romps -- he declined to comment. "Everything that happened with us happened behind closed doors," he said. "And that's how it will stay."

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Sometimes, I will repost articles I have posted elsewhere for the convenience of my readers here. They will have the tag "Best of Vickie P."

When I heard that the January-February 2009 Playgirl would be its last printed issue, I had to get a copy. I was never keen on the mag, though. Like most women, I prefer some kind of story with my sexually explicit material, so I tend to go for either erotic fiction or porn videos with a plot. Nevertheless, I always thought it was kinda cool that there was this magazine with pictures of nude men aimed at women -- the feminine answer to Playboy. So I wanted to see how the last issue of Playgirl compared with the ones I remembered giggling about (and lusting over) with my girlfriends.

Men

The issue displays lots of nude men, as you would expect. Everywhere you look, your gaze meets penises, from flaccid to fully erect. (This was not always the case. For much of Playgirl's history, erections were taboo, and for one forlorn year in the 1980s, the magazine was completely dickless.) There's a pictorial of a man and a woman, both nude and doing everything but actually having sex. However -- and this is a big defect -- the guys are just not as drop-dead gorgeous as I remember them being. Compare last coverboy Sean Patrick in the accompanying image, who appears nude in the magazine, with 1986 Man of the Year Brian Buzzini (turn off "Safe Search" to get the best view; yes, you can even find the famous centerfold of Brian Buzzini sporting a lovely erection). (If that doesn't work, you can always go to this gallery of Brian Buzzini pictures.)

Articles

After you get done gazing at the nude men, what else is there to see? There's a sweet farewell letter from editor Nicole Caldwell to the "fierce Playgirl posse, sharing a common commitment to unearth the world's most beautiful men, and dishing about issues women like us deal with every day." Women write about their experiences having sex in Second Life and having sex with strap-ons. There are more serious articles about genital mutilation and prostitution in Amsterdam. There's some all-too-short erotic fiction. There are some travel articles and movie reviews. Again, it's all a pale reflection of the old Playgirl.

Ambience

The magazine has always been marketed as "entertainment for women." In recent years, editors have admitted that at least 50% of the Playgirl's readers were men. The advertising seems to have caught up with that. On just the first few pages, there are ads for toys in which to insert one's dick, creams to enlarge one's dick, and just plain lots of dicks ("the world's largest gay porn portal"). It doesn't seem like the haven for female sexuality it once was.

The Future of Playgirl

Playgirl lives on as a Web site and producer of erotic videos aimed at women. It's not the same as having a nudie magazine out there, just for us. The magazine was never as widely distributed as its male counterpart, so you may have to look around to find that last issue, and in any case, it will soon disappear from newsstands altogether. (It's already selling on some collectors' sites for $25.)

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Pegging is the practice of a woman using a strap-on dildo on a man’s ass. I enjoy doing this and experiencing it through erotic videos and books.

Bisexual erotica portrays — in words or pictures — heterosexual and homosexual acts. Since straight men have historically set the standards, homosexual acts they find arousing (i.e., lesbian scenes) are acceptable in straight porn. So, in practice, bisexual erotica mixes straight sex with gay male sex. The easiest way to do that is with a two-man, one-woman threesome. There are MMF threesomes (with homoerotic, man-on-man action) and MFM threesomes (no man-on-man action, but lots of attention paid to the woman). I’m interested in both kinds, although the second one isn’t really bisexual.

[Added May 5, 2009:]

I haven't had a whole lot of luck with the so-called "Web 2.0."

On another blogging platform, after I used a four-letter word, my posts were banned from the tag pages, which had provided me with 90% of my visitors

On a consumer recommendation site, I was banned for using a four-letter word for the male sex organ in a review of Playgirl.

On a popular social networking site, my links are sometimes censored if the operators of the site think they go somewhere nasty.

I'm hoping Blogspot will let Vickie be Vickie.

[end additions]

In my experience, when a woman writes openly about sex on the Internet, she gets some, um, interesting propositions from men. Guys, I have all the lovers I need, so please don’t apply for the position.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Monday, April 13, 2009

I meant for my first post on this new blog to be an introduction to me and my interests. I'll have to do that another time. Tonight, I am saddened by the news of Marilyn Chambers' death. In her movies, she always played a free spirit, a woman who knew what she wanted and was willing to go out and get it. In short, she seemed to be a woman who loved sex and didn't mind who knew it.

My favorite movie of hers is Insatiable. She is, indeed, insatiable in the film. There's a bit of a plot (more than porn films have nowadays), the people are all good looking, there are even some production values (sets, locations). If you haven't seen it, check it out.

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About Me

One woman's thoughts about cuckolding, pegging, bisexual erotica, and sexuality in general. If you have similar interests, why not comment on a blog post and let me know you were here? Thanks. See also About Vickie P. and her interests.