Monday, December 04, 2017

Gift No-Nos

Ten Things I Don't Want for Christmas

Collectibles: I'm not much of a collector of anything but books and quilts, and my house is already stuffed to the rafters with both. You want to know what I'd honestly love to start collecting? Happy thoughts. Send me some of those. :)

Glitter Anything: Older women seem to love anything that looks like a bad fourth-grade art project; strangely, I'm not one of them. Scientists now want to ban it, and I kind of agree because glitter always, always, always sheds.

Himalyan Salt Products: I'm seeing a lot of these made into cooking plates, shooters, tea light holders, etc. All that salt is bad for you, and the pink color? Not my personal favorite.

Knife Making Kit: Just say no to this one. For anybody.

Magic Bullet: I'm all about healthy drinks but I'm lazy. Also the name -- magic bullets are what we used to call suppositories.

Moscow Mule Mug I don't use alcohol, sorry. I'm also not inclined to like anything named after a Russian jackass.

Ugg Boots: I don't need boots where I live. For some reason this brand also reminds me of Chewbacca from Star Wars, who is not my personal style icon.

Upright Bacon Grill: A bacon toaster, yeah, that's a wonderful idea. Aside from the fact that cleaning it would be a nightmare, I'd have to double our house fire insurance coverage. Pass.

Well, Christmas isn't big in my immediate family and by now, most of the people I'm close to know not to bother my Grinchy butt with Christmas cheer. :D So this will apply to gifts in general.

1) No knick-knacks. I literally have no space left that isn't either filled with books or music. If there's one thing I do need, it's more shelves!

2) Video games. I play one game. The Sims. Any games received will be regifted to those who enjoy them almost immediately. Don't get me Sims stuff either. I already have all the expansions and packs. It's an obsession. I love that one can build and decorate houses for your characters. I've used The Sims to design houses for my non-Sim characters too... Um. Yeah. Did I mention obsessed?

3) Electronics. I replace electronics when they break, and not a second before - or in the case of my PC, when it fails to run The Sims properly, in which case it will be upgraded.

4) Food items. I'm one of those annoying picky eaters, so unless you know me very well indeed, just don't.

5) Religious items. Of any kind. I'm not Christian. I haven't been Christian for over a decade, and I haven't exactly lived in the broom closet. You're not being subtle or nice by giving me christian shop gift cards, or leather-bound bibles. So unless you want me to gift you with pentacles and crystals and Gothic make-up, please desist. Any religious items received will be immediately regifted to my more accepting Christian friends and colleagues.

What would be nice to get? Music shop or book store gift cards. Because one can never have too many stories and songs. *points to shelves stuffed with books and CDs*

Food items are a problem for me, too. Once I had an editor send me an expensive tower of designer chocolate from one of those basket catalogs -- and I can't have chocolate or sugar.

I have a lot of Jehovah Witnesses in the neighborhood who keep coming to the house trying to wheedle me into their religion. Since they're neighbors I'm polite, but oy, I'd give up all my Christmas presents for them to stop.

Everybody knows I love reading, so for years of birthdays and Christmases I've had Nooks, Kindles, Sony E-readers, etc. thrown at me. I hate them all; the best e-reader is the app on my cell phone. Even Kindle is so clunky and inconvenient compared to my phone. For some reason e-readers aren't half as customizable as my phone app, where I can control everything from font size to brightness with a finger swish.

Now speaking of books, I found your blog because I JUST finished reading Disenchanted & Co. (both books) for the fifth time and checked Goodreads to see if you'd written another for the third time since my first reading. Now I understand from both George R. R. Martin and Neil Gaiman that authors should not be hounded to write more according to the voracious appetite of their readers, so I don't wish to annoy, harass, or bother you in any way. Instead let me just assure you that I absolutely LOVE this series and the characters and the steampunk world; I'm extremely enamored of female detectivery and deathmageness; I can't get enough of your writing; and last but not least, thanks very much for giving me so much enjoyment. If for some crazy reason you happened to think that perhaps the series was not well-liked or worth continuing, I want you to know that you have at least one fan that adores every bit of it and would be incredibly pleased to read more of it. :)

Thank you for the very kind words, Hana, and your praise is the perfect gift. :)

Simon & Schuster decided not to continue the Disenchanted & Co. series, and that pretty much ended my career in traditional publishing. I've since gone freelance as a ghost writer, and now I'm a partner in a publishing venture, which has kept me very busy. I would love to revisit my old series, but with a daughter in college and my guy about to retire it's more important that I earn a living, which I couldn't do in traditional publishing.

For my readers I did put out two free e-books set in the same universe; In the Leaves (https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BzylBQC3SyqoT1I1eEtqc1B1N00/view) and My Lord Mayhem (https://docs.google.com/file/d/0BzylBQC3SyqodEFPOXRRbXQ2MjQ/edit. I hope these give you a little more enjoyment, and happy holidays to you.