5 Old Comic Book Ads That Tried to Get Children Killed

#2. Let Your Child Take on Muggers With THE SHOCKER

Yes! Eat SHOCKER, muggers, bullies and big mouths! So awesome! I'm a little worried that I'd forget I had it on and detonate someone's pinky off when I shook their hand, but with all the big mouths out there, it's worth the risk. SHOCKER!

You don't need to get out a magnifying glass to try to absorb all five thousand words or so the ad uses to try to sell you on SHOCKER, but we do want to call your attention to the dramatic life story of the SHOCKER's inventor, KIYO MI GAWA:

"KIYO MI GAWA'S experience taught him that judo, jiu-jitsu and karate are too difficult for the average person to learn in a short time. Yet some form of self-defense system or technique is necessary as today's streets are dangerous. Because of his, he painstakingly developed, tested and perfected THE SHOCKER so that anyone can have an instantly effective system of self defense with crippling capability."

In other words, he decided karate was too hard, so he developed a way to make all karate chops into fucking electric karate chops. Is there a Nobel Karate Prize?

#1. Any Child Can Begin a Reign of Terror Thanks to Jowett Strong-Man Exercises

In the third panel, why is the word "MUSCLE" in quotes? Is that a 50s marketing way of saying "PADDED NUDE BODY STOCKING"? Either way, holy awesome! I'm going to kick that bully's ass while my mom cheers: