Sunday, 4 August 2013

Actor Peter Capaldi has been announced as the new star of BBC sci-fi series Doctor Who-the-fuck-are-you-looking-at?

The 55-year-old Glasgow-born star - well, not born, more like fell out - will be the 12th actor to play - like a dinosaur playing with your testicles - the Doctor, replacing outgoing lead Matt Smith, who will flounce off into obscurity like a typical milk-sop Oxbridge pansy.

Capaldi is best known for his role as foul-mouthed spin-doctor Malcolm Tucker in the BBC series The Thick of It.

"It's so wonderful not to keep this secret any longer, but it's been so fantastic. Like strafing the front bench with a machine gun," he said after the news was revealed on a live BBC One show.