I got to make this quick because I'm grilling right now. I don't know what it is I'm grilling exactly but it was bloody and wrapped in plastic in the fridge so its either whats left of them canada geese I hunted with the front of my rental truck or Bodie still has not buried his girlfriend's stupid purse dog he killed k-tripping on it like christopher moltosanti. Smells good though and I don't want it to burn.

Got some items I got to cover and I guess faggot website people are scaling shit back in this economy because fuck it is harder getting one of my blonger pages up than it is to get paternity results back from Alaska DFS which is basically one old lady working in a ice fishing shack who just screams and throws papers at you if you try to get DNAs back or register that your kid is fucked up and crazy looking.

She looks pretty good naked except for the screwdriver scars (long story) and the tattoo of megan fox's face plus tribal batwings above her assFirst up, my sister Mercede hit the big 18 so she's gonna be airing out her junk for Playboy magazine. She's basically doing it to support me and get out the word that I'm not a raper like Bristol impugenned my name to be.

I guess she wants to get implants afterwards and then try to get signed onto one of the classy porno places to do, like, top level stuff like only screwing white dudes and mexicans unless it's like a three way scene.

Not that my sister has anything against throwing her gills at a brother. Ha ha, trust me that is not even a question. If she hadn't got all those abortions in Canada my mom's house would look like below decks on the amistad. Give...us...free birth control thank you obama you know what it's about.

So anyway check that out in september issue. It's classy so no deep beav or pictures of her jamming beer bottles up the old thong winker, just tasteful full on M&M muff and mons plus her tits. It's enough dude. It'll keep you busy at the taffy pull.

Speaking of pulls. Update on the wasilla mayor's race BS. Polling is looking pretty good. Better than last year. My positive is still hovering at 6%, but my unfavorable has gone from 72% to 70% with all those people going to increase "unsure or no opinon" to 24%.

Also I got word back from that lawyer dude I called and turns out I can't run because I am wanted by state and federal wildlife officials for being caught on a bear cam using replica Predator 2 weapons on an elk which is a farce because those things didn't work worth shit ebay seller HOLLYWOODREPS99.

DO NOT buy BAD SELLER F-------- you cannot live actual predator lifestyle with this itemHow's this for negative feedback hollywoodderps you stay at home dad fuck: an elk almost bit my finger off because your stupid predator spear is not fucking "WORKING REALISTIC" if it worked realistic it would impale the elk to a wall not make me beat the elk over the head until it broke apart. Maybe I missed the breaking junky ass shitty plastic spear part happen on my avap2: requem blue ray guess I needed to hook my player up to a working internet connection to go onlive with special features FUCKER.

Thank fuck I did not buy the WORKING LED DESTRUCT BRACELET to try to blow up Kinkos where APPARENTLY you can't use the color copier without a shirt on. If it actually blew up I would have felt guilty because most of the people working there were unarmed and therefore hunting them is against the predator code except the assistant manager Crosseyed Gay Nate who open carries a Taurus Judge .410 shotgun pistol. Sorry free country kinkos you fucks I will have my vendettas satisfied, unparalleled pistol stopping power or not.

League of Legends has 600 characters and 11,000 skills. These are the only ones you need.

About This Column

Levi "HOckey" Johnston is a pro writer now and hockey expert since forever. He comments regularly on family life, politics, Alaska, hockey, vag, babies, babes, 4x4s, hunting, and stuff like that. Oh, yeah, and he was engaged to Bristol Palin and had one (two) kids with her, so...I can put anything here? He also fights like a devil and pounds poon like a demon. He's pretty much unbelievable. His life is a raw adventure to the root.