Sadhana in Relationships

by Swami Rama

[This passage has been taken from the book Path of Fire and Light: Volume 2 by Swami Rama, published 1988 by the Himalayan International Institute of Yoga Science and Philosophy of the USA].

Do not think that you can accomplish the task of becoming enlightened outside the world. Yes, you need time to do practice, but you have that, you need to adjust your time in the world. There are some people who are systematic in their practice, but they are dry and harsh with others. They bother their spouse and children. But there are other people who are loving and adjust their personal lives to attain enlightenment in this lifetime, here and now. You have to have determination.

Partners sometimes become critical of each other’s paths. Never think that someone else is not practicing well, and that you are practicing well. That is not spirituality. If you are practicing well you should be happy, not jealous, when somebody else is practicing.

In spirituality there is no jealousy. There may be competition, but not jealousy. Yes, you can compete with your partner. If your partner is very spiritual, then you will also become more spiritual- that is good for you. But to think that your partner is spiritual and to feel bad because you are not as spiritual is not helpful. Never create such negative competition in your life.

There is one important principle – Truth – that you want to use in all your relationships in the external world. Do not speak any truth that is injurious, hurting, or harming – for that is not the real truth. According to yoga science it is not truth that should be practiced first, it is love that should be practiced first. And there is a difference between love and truth: truth without love is a vacant, empty experience. No manual in the world really explains what love is, except the teachings of yoga. Yoga says love is ahimsa – which means “not,” himsa (killing, harming or injuring).

So, when you try to practice love, you should first practice not hurting, harming, or injuring. Do not go to the external world to practice this; begin with the nearest one whom you love most, and practice this with him or her, because you took vows when you married. When you have accepted somebody as your best friend, to whom you can relate, speak, share and feel, then first practice not harming, hurting or injuring them. This is actually love in practice. Resolve that no matter what happens you will never try to injure, harm or hurt the one you love.