Marrieds: Too Good to Poop with the Rest of Us? July 10, 2011

Thanks to our Copious Reader Eric for flagging this gem. According to CNN, Amsterdam’s Schiphol airport offers special toilets for married couples.

Why might this be? I can think of two reasons:

Reason 1: Married people cannot successfully perform their elimination functions unless their significant other is by their side holding their hand saying, “Don’t worry, dear, I’m here, you can do it, just relax and push!”

Reason 2: Married people, being married, are supremely mature and considerate public-toilet users, so they should not be forced to share porcelain with us seat-spraying, poop-spattering, flush-forgetting single types.

I think we can all agree that Reason 1 is pretty ridiculous, which means that Reason 2 must be right. Therefore the next time I transit Amsterdam, I plan to pull a wedding band and blowup man-doll out of my backpack and go undercover into the Married Couple’s Restroom (MCR). What do you think I will find, Copious Readers? A gentle smell of lavender? Ming porcelain toilets with silken rotating seat covers? Japanese rock fountains? Will I finally fulfill my longtime fantasy of finding a public toilet sparkling enough to wash my face in?

Of course there’s always Reason 3 for the MCRs, the craziest reason of all: maybe the MCRs are similar in concept and intent to the Family Restrooms (FRs) I’ve seen in numerous other locations. FRs are meant for people with dependents of the opposite sex who are too old to go into the unisex restrooms without making other patrons uncomfortable.

Reason 3 can’t be right because family/dependence is a very different concept from marriage and presents different challenges from marriage. Calling what is inherently a “family” restroom a “married” restroom feeds the false notion that marriage is, and needs to be, the scaffolding of our social structure. And I’m sure that the Dutch airport authorities didn’t mean it that way. Or?

The question is can you only use it if your spouse uses it at the same time? What if you want to go but he/she doesn’t want to go? Or do you have to be wearing a long dress to use it. . or a suit?
Or maybe it’s not actually for married people it’s just unisex? I want to go to Schipol airport and see these restrooms in person.
josie x