Idiosyncrasies of a Cyclist

I have a hard time believing that the root word of idiosyncrasy is not idiot. Really, it seems to me that there is a lot of mumbo jumbo involved with the routines in general, not to mention those of a cyclist. My routines are ingrained in me and happen without my even noticing them. But to others my ritual when kitting up must look like some kind of demented rain dance, as was pointed out by nine year old. First, let’s take a look at the definition of the word:

IDIOSYNCRASY – noun – \i-dē-ə-‘siŋ-krə-sē\

1 a: a peculiarity of constitution or temperament : an individualizing characteristic or quality

Now that we have that straightened out, I am going to make a list of just a mess of my peculiar, eccentric idiosyncrasies. Want to hear em? Here they go:

Socks – they go on however they come out of the drawer – inside out, right side out, mismatched no worries – that’s just how I do it.

Shoes – right one on first … always … booties too.

Arm and leg warmers – left ones on first … always … and logos must be pointing out.

Matching kit a must.

Gloves – all paired in a Crown Royal velvet bag – except for the ‘go to’ pair which reside on the box of Gu so I remember to grab a few just in case.

Old kit gets paired with old kit and new with new.

Patch kit and extra CO2 go in the middle jersey pocket, hand pump on the left of the patch kit, CO2 pump on the right – all in the middle pocket.

ID, money, Tamarancho pass, lens cleaner and cell phone all go into a ziplock bag and in the right rear pocket but only after the middle pocket is loaded and ready.

Left rear pocket is for food stuffs and vest if needed.

Tire pressure – rear tire always gets pumped up first, then front.

Rolling out of the garage – bike leans against rear of my truck, points north while I close garage door.

Rolling into the garage – same deal but bike points south.

Never ever mention or think about ‘getting a flat’. I sometimes fail here and in that case a prompt double knuckle knock on the top tube and then the helmet can remedy.

Never ever mention or think about ‘crashing’. I sometimes fail here and in that case a prompt double knuckle knock on the top tube and then the helmet can remedy.

Water bottles – I always leave an inch of water in the bottom of the first so when I crush the second one I have a little backup … just in case.

Oh, and they never get anything but water put in them and they never get washed. I like my bottles seasoned.

Each of my three sleds have their own sled specific bottles.

Saddle – Fizik Alliante – the only gear for my rear.

Speaking of rear – chamois cream? I use Noxema for that tingling freshness.

I always blow the snot from my beak over the left shoulder and plug each nostril with the right thumb knuckle – big nostrils.

Lastly – all boogers go on the right sock. Simple.

I could go on forever but I don’t want you to think I am a weirdo – even if I am a weirdo. How about you? Any good, quirky, or just downright disgusting idiosyncrasies you would like to share? Comment away. You have my totally divided attention.