I will never be T.O.

Well, I have realized that I will most likely never ever have the body of Terrell Owens from the Dallas Cowboys. Why? Because I cant do his simplest workout. I will let you know that this dude has the ideal super ripped up frame that any guy would love to have. Unfortunately I am not a professional athlete and cant work out for 8 hours a day like he can, but I can try to look like a lil bit. So he is coming out with a new workout book and I was doing the “should I buy it” dance in my head. So i decided to go to the wonderful world of youtube and look up one of his workouts. I found that he liked to use those resistance band things to do biceps exercises. I was planning on buying one of those bands but did not have time. Well later in the day Kinsey, Keley Jo, and I headed to Paul’s house for some good old fashioned eating action. Did I eat chicken? Heck yeah, and some delicious mashed potatoes. Anyways, out of the corner of my eye on a chair in his dining room i saw THE BAND!!! No, not Rock Band even though that would be super awesome cause Kidd stole back the Rock Band that I stole from him. Don’t worry though I will get him back for that… and playing the “J-Si is going to be a huge star” trick on me with the Miami producer.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, THE BAND!!!! It was one of those exercise bands that I need to do the T.O. workout. So I picked up the exercise band and decided to do some curls to load up the guns with some huge muscle action. I placed the band under my feet so I could get maximum workout potential and did rep number one, followed by rep number two, and on my way up on rep number three BAM!!!! The band snapped. How freaking strong am I? Well, not very strong… see, what had happened was that yours truly did not secure the band under his feet thus releasing a huge amount of force to hit him in the face. It literally felt like someone had punched me in the face. My eye swelled shut, I had two huge marks on my forehead, and I couldn’t curl up into a ball and clutch my eye like I wanted to because everyone witnessed this catastrophe. SO i sucked it up and pretended it didn’t hurt. I then walked to the bathroom and shut the door and said “AUUUUUCH!!” for about 7 minutes straight. I then had to start thinking of cool black eye stories to tell everyone because I was certainly going to have a black eye. I came up with this: Two women were being attacked by 13 dudes and I jumped in and beat down 12 of them but the 13th one hit me right in the eye, but I took him down and held them all there until the cops showed up. The girls then paid me by buying me some tamales. True story.

The next morning I was ready to be a hero but when I woke up I noticed that the swelling had gone down and all I had was just a slightly pink cheek, or as I like to call it… a pineek. You know what? That would be a great name for some blush products. I will now go work on that. That right there is what will make me rich… and margastraw… and my mechanical dog/beer cooler.

Moral of the story: I can beat up 13 guys at once if I make it up in my mind.