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This is the official blog of Northern Arizona slam poet Christopher Fox Graham. Begun in 2002, and transferred to blogspot in 2006, FoxTheBlog has recorded more than 670,000 hits since 2009. This blog cover's Graham's poetry, the Arizona poetry slam community and offers tips for slam poets from sources around the Internet. Read CFG's full biography here. Looking for just that one poem? You know the one ... click here to find it.

begin lifting weights
you will need the muscle later
dress yourself and a partner in black jumpsuits
black masks, black shoes
find the local zoo or animal park
use the wire cutters on the external fence

And Ligers,
while humorous in “Napoleon Dynamite,”
simply do not countBengal Tigers are most numerous
and most easily acquired
now, insert ketamine into the raw meat
and throw it over the fence
wait 40 minutes
use the wire cutters on the fence
drive your van into the enclosure
lift the 500-pound animal into the van
it’s a good thing you started lifting all those weights

drive the tiger home
unload the animal into your garage
take photos for this month’s ’zine cover
release the tiger into the woods
don’t do so near a school
the tiger will be hungry when it wakes

Step Two

continue lifting weights
you will need the muscle later
Begin watching “Apocalypto”
understand that Mel Gibson is racist
forgive him, no one’s perfect,
focus on the film’s hero
watch it over and over
until you name your band Jaguar Paw
Memorize the following:

continue lifting weights
you will need the muscle later
take your ear
put it to the ground
hear the word on the street
all rumors are true

all conspiracies worth losing yourself in
repeat them, loudly, vibrantly and in print
feel free to embellish
that’s how rumors grow too big to control
become a cog in that wheel
find what’s “fair and balanced” in you
and delete that shit
bias is the only way to live
because it is sincere and punk rock
you are punk rock
say it, “I am punk rock!”
louder, you pussies!
life means nothing without passion and obsession

Step Four:

continue lifting weights
you will need the muscle later
head to the nearest thrift store
walk past the jeans
you have enough

stop in the T-shirt section
only if you’re a hipster
and to one-up other hipsters
but understand you’re a pretentious fuck
head to appliances
find a typewriter
a Brother Electric Typewriter is choice
choose one with character
like a bent “K” or a missing “Shift” key
so all your pages will be lowercase
capitalization is elitist
and we are the 99%

Step Five:

continue lifting weights
you will need the muscle later
but on an oversize coat
find an office supply store
ask who owns the place
if the cashier says, “that guy”
you are in a local mom-and-pop
pay full price
if the cashier says, “stockholders” or “some CEO”you are in a corporate chain
so fill your pockets like it’s the day before the zombie apocalypse
and only staples and Sharpies will keep you safepack paper reams under your coat
if you are discovered,
feign going into labor
no one suspects a pregnant woman
if you are male, declare it a miracle
remember to thank Jesus loudlyif quarterbacks can do it, so can you
you’re a fucking artist, damn-it
and Jesus loves you, too
hide scissors in your sleeves
if you have to fight your way out
no security guard will risk bleeding out
over 10 packs of Pilot G-2s
Remember to thank the store in your Page 2 shoutouts

Step Six:

Search for vintage magazines
rescue them from recyclers
schedule a doctor’s appointment
don’t worry about insurance
you won’t be there long
instead, use a fake Social Security number
while the receptionist is busy
trying to solve that problem
grab every magazine older than 1983
you make need to make two trips
it’s a good thing you started lifting all those weights

continue lifting weights
you will need the muscle later
find the fire within you
you’ll need a lighter and a pack of American Spirit Lights
rollies are also acceptable
dirties are punk rock
and, as previously, determined
you are punk rock
liquid courage will keep your writing lugubrious
know Big Flats is cheaper than PBR
so you can get wasted on pocket change
47 Pound Rooster won’t cause headaches
so buy in bulk

Step Eight:

continue lifting weights
you will need the muscle later
then, light up your cigarettes
start pouring beer and wine for your contributors
it’s going to be a long weekend
pick music that is profound
choose Bob Dylan
the aforementioned Jaguar Paw
pick punk that pulls the passion from your pockets like paper magic trickshave the rollies and dirties handy
use them to fight off writer’s block
take your shoplifted blank paper
make sure it’s 100-percent recycledart should be good for the planet
set up the typewritertreat it like an old loverwho hates you
or an ex-roommate who still owes you money
beat the keys like a prison bitch
truth is in a prison
your ’zine is a prison break
you are the TNT
light the fuse and explode

use your stolen Sharpies
the five-finger discounted scissors
cut up the magazines
splice Jay-Z alongside Ben Bernanke
have them debate how the lights on Hwy. 89A
will make alien saucer landings easier*
Nico needs the inspiration and the validation

*this message was approved by the Illuminati
make a collage of your photocopied friends
and fashion models and ask:
“who’s truly beautiful, motherfucker?”
place Lindsay Lohan next to Marilyn Monroe
and whisper, “Lindsay, where did you go wrong?”
use the Pilot G-2s that hospitalized a security guard
and pen brilliant music reviews and short stories
warn youngsters about the perils of Bath Salts
and poetry and pen drawings
in all the white spaces
this isn’t an art magazine
you don’t get paid by the page
let loose all those rumors
spill everyone’s secrets
make them so outlandish
even the suspects doubt their guilt
you’re not a journalistyou’re a fictionalist with nonfiction characters
if you don’t have the dirt, make it up
then wait for the lawsuits to hit you
remember, you have that lawyer on retainer
list so many inside jokes
even you’re out of the loop

use the leftover dirties and hit the copy center
being blazed making photocopying a Zen experience
building a zine is Zen
even the spelling is close
remember to add the cover with the tiger picture
ignore the new stories about the bodies
apparently, it found that elementary school
well, you can’t make art without breaking a few eggs

Step Nine:

Carry your zine everywhere
they will be heavy
it’s a good thing you started lifting all those weights
Spread your zine like a pyromaniac spreads forest fires
light the city ablaze
shotgun your zine into the hands of artists
like a sperm donor
art needs a father / art needs a mother
and you are both
hold house parties to celebrate the brilliance
of the art you help create like children
have a poet write a poem like this
to recount the epic
build a scene on your back
for the rest of the city to share
the burden will be heavy
but friends will help carry the load
because they too, are punk rock
it’s a good thing we started lifting all those weights

CFG the slam poet

Fox the Poet

Christopher Fox Grahamis a Montana-born boy raised in Arizona to be a poet, artist, and singer with unending wanderlust. He's fascinated with art and other shiny things, a good story will keep him captivated and silent as he soaks you in.

In truth, he is good at only three things: using language, kissing, and driving.

He has performed for MTV and on The Travel Channel's "Your Travel Guide" episode of Sedona. Aside from winning more than 100 poetry slams, he's published four books of poetry, most recently The Opposite of Camouflage, and won the 2012 Dylan Thomas Award for Excellence in the Written and Spoken Word.

A slam poet since 2001, he currently hosts the bimonthly Sedona Poetry Slam in West Sedona.

For nearly four years, he was the senior Copy Editor of the Sedona Red Rock News, and an arts reporter and a columnist. He wrote a weekly column "Sedona Underground," about the city's art scene. After leaving in May 2008, he was asked to return as Assistant Managing Editor in October 2009. He was promoted to News Editor in April 2012 and in August 2012 was promoted to Managing Editor, overseeing the Sedona Red Rock News,The Camp Verde Journal, Cottonwood Journal Extra, The Scene and The Village View.

He has won numerous personal and editorial newsroom awards from the Arizona Newspapers Association, including three awards for Best Headline.

He was the managing editor of Kudos, a weekly arts and entertainment publication of the Verde Independent. He was also managing editor of The Villager, a weekly news publication in the Village of Oak Creek.

He is one the six coordinators of GumptionFest a kickass, annual, one-day grassroots arts festival held in Sedona, this year in September. More than 100 artists and bands exhibit their work for free to more than 1,200 people.

In 2005, he founded the Sedona Poetry Open Mic, which he hosted biweekly at Java Love Cafe on second and fourth Tuesdays until 2012. A former venue included Random Acts of Coffee, in Sedona, which closed in June 2005. The venue named a drink after him which one can order an various coffeehouses in Sedona. The "Topher": A large soy chai with two (or three) shots of espresso. Serve iced or hot. He was member of the city of Sedona Child and Youth Commission for two years and chairman for another two years before the commission was dissolved in 2008.

He has been unofficially named "The Voice of the Underground," in Sedona for his column "Sedona Underground" that appeared every Friday in The Scene. for more than three years, featuring more than 150 artists.

He won the 2004 NORAZ Poets Grand Slam, the 2005 Arizona All-Star Poetry Slam, and was a member of the 2001, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2010, 2012 and 2013 Flagstaff National Poetry Slam Teams. He was also a National Poetry Slam bout manager in 2003, venue manager in 2011, and Sedona Slammaster in 2012, 2013 and 2014, sponsoring the city's first three Sedona National Poetry Slam Teams.

He believes that all slam poets are Jedis.

He has been thrown out of six movie theaters, 18 bars, a Las Vegas nightclub with his girlfriend, a public pool, two malls, four golf courses, one bowling alley, five dorms, one airport, one pet store, a now-defunct nonprofit poetry organization ... and Canada. Seriously.