Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Here's an article from another ex-insider. Interesting how when Richard Clarke came out last year, he was villified. Now the criticisms are coming so fast and furious, the Bush administration has no time to denounce them.

It's a personal and scathing critique that spotlights what now seems obvious; the Bush administration assumed they could do whatever the hell they wanted without considering the needs of anyone else in the world. Wilkerson does try to give the administration the benefit of the doubt, stating:

Lawrence Wilkerson said that Cheney must have sincerely believed that Iraq could be a spawning ground for new terror assaults, because "otherwise I have to declare him a moron, an idiot or a nefarious bastard."

I got to see them in 1999 with Howie Weingarten (long time readers will remember his incident with Adam West) at Jones Beach. I had just gotten my driver's license and drove us both out there. It was a big deal for two guys used to public transportation.

The show was amazing. Ozzy was drunk and lost his voice by the third song, which was exactly what we wanted. Who wants to watch an Ozzy in full control of himself? He showed his ass. We saw Ozzy's ass.

Looking back it was the last fun time Howie and I had together. Soon after that I got a girlfriend, he didn't and it caused tension between us. That night however, we were as close as two friends who listened to Ozzy and Sabbath all through college could get.

Renee and I also went to the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland two years ago. It's absolutely monstrous and took us five hours to get through. Renee loved Mick Jagger's stage costumes but I went right for the guitars. Robbie Robertson's strat from 'The Last Waltz'. Pete Townsend's no. 5 LP Deluxe from 'The Kids Are Alright'. Duane and Dickie's Les Pauls. I was in awe.

But the most important artifact for me is down near the bathroom. Go there and you'll find an old VW van that used to be at Wetlands, a great old NYC club lost to history. They would sell t shirts out of the back between shows and drunk fans would slap stickers of local bands all over the doors and windows. If you look hard enough you'll see stickers for Q South and Art Asylum. Guess who put them there?

Monday, November 28, 2005

That was ugly. Took us a lot more arguing, running around and stress to get a rental car and get home. Turns out Pennsylvania completely shuts down Thanksgiving weekend so all the boys can go a-huntin'. They close the schools, for chrissake!!

Well I'm home and I already know my workload has doubled for the experience.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

We packed the Beetle and left Chicago yesterday about 1 in the afternoon. Renee drove about 250 miles and I took over from there. I went about 400 miles, feeling fine. We spent the ride listening to old George Carlin and Led Zeppelin concerts on the ipod and by midnight I figured I could do the other 200 miles and get us home a day early.

Then the temperature light went on.

Renee drives it every day so I casually mentioned the light to her and wondered what we should do. She had me pull over and wait ten minutes. After all, we had driven 600 miles in one day. We pulled out and within a mile, the light went on again. We waited twenty minutes with the hood up and drove out at fifteen miles an hour.

The light came on again.

Renee tried to call for assistance. No signal. Pennsylvania, man. At 2 a.m. the highway patrol found us. At 3 a.m. a tow truck took us the last seven miles to a hotel. Antifreeze was leaking out of our car.

It's Sunday morning. I'm writing from a Holiday Inn Express in New Columbia. No dealerships or garages are open today. The coolant tank is empty. There are no cabs either. We begged an employee to pick up antifreeze from the local Wal-Mart. Our plan is to keep filling the coolant tank like it's gas and get home. Renee just had it serviced at the dealership last week. And are they going to fucking here about this. Wish us luck.

UPDATE: 2:27 p.m.

No luck.

We filled the coolant tank and got about a half-mile before the temperature light went on again. Renee immediately called Volkswagen's roadside assistance. It took two hours of arguing before they even began to understand what part of the state we were in. Luckily, a state tropper stopped by and called a tow truck. The same tow truck that hauled us last night. Different driver. The car poured coolant as it was loaded onto the truck.

We're now in the best accomodations Danville Pennsylvania has to offer. Our dripping car is at the nearest dealership awaiting a diagnosis. Looks like we'll be missing work tomorrow.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Most obits will be calling him 'Mr. Miyagi' from a terrible movie that made a lot of money in the 80's. But Morita was a great character actor for decades. Don't believe me? Check it out here.

I'll always remember him as the original Arnold on Happy Days. It was a very Garry Marshall joke that the All-American hamburger stand would be run by an Asian. My favorite line early on was in an episode dealing with racism in the '50's. Richie and the Fonz had become friends with an African American (who strangely would never return after the episode) and were worried he'd be treated badly, as they explained to Arnold, because he was colored.

He was replaced by Al Molinaro in a lateral move. Never figured out why.

He was also in an episode of 'Sanford and Son' where Fred and he opened a Japanese restaurant in the junkyard. That alone is worth his mentioning here.

UPDATE: Mark Evanier brings us the story of why Morita left Happy Days. Turns out he got his own show "Mr. T and Tina" which was cancelled before it premiered. Go over there and get the details from a man that knew him.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Nothing says the US of A like the shoppingest day of the year. It’s grown much bigger in my lifetime, going from the beginning of the holiday shopping season to the entire holiday season. It’s so big that economists worry of we’ll spend enough.

I blame the Cabbage Patch Kids. Those things ruined Christmas in 1983, turning it into a nightly newscast of parents punching one another in the head. I watched in horror. These people had lost their minds and were in danger of keeping my parents from buying me a G.I. Joe SkyStriker. This would not do. And can we all admit that Cabbage Patch Kids were ugly? The only use for them I ever found was that their head could plug up a mimosa pitcher. I thank Aunt Monica for proving it to us.

Ever year after that, companies looked for another reason for parents to hurt one another. None of it affected me much as I entered high school. All I wanted were Beatle records and DC Comics and both were readily available. The year I graduated college Buzz Lightyear caused a minor storm, but that blew over quickly.

Then came Tickle Me Elmo.

Most people of my generation hate Elmo. He’s seen as an act of desperation by the Children’s Television Workshop, rudderless without Henson and feeling the flames of Barney at their heels. So we really didn’t need another reason to hate him. But I worked in a JC Penney’s that year and we saw it coming in November. First a few came through. Then a lot. Then none. Orders were being sent away. People were getting angrier. The only one laughing was Elmo. And screw him.

Since then I do all my holiday shopping on Amazon. I truly believe my friends and family don’t own enough books or dvds so it benefits everyone. Guys on the action figure message boards get all excited, hoping a rare figure will be put on the shelves. Me? I stay the hell away from a store today and when we’re in town we spend the day helping my father in law with his Christmas wreath business.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

A lot of people seem to care about this one. They love the food. They love the parade. They love football. Not me. To me this holiday is just a roadbump between Halloween and Christmas.

What's it all about? Well, apparantly the Pilgrims had no idea there was winter in America. So when it snowed they naturally assumed their days were numbered. But lo and behold the Indians came to their rescue bringing turkeys and cranberries and allowing the Pilgrims to survive until spring.

The Indians would come to regret this.

So the whole thing is no food, then food. Jesus did that with some bread and fish and that was a miracle. We don't get that day off. Hell, as a country, we actually did something on the 4th of July but I don't have to travel cross-country to celebrate that.

I do like this picture though:

Mostly because it looks like Grover is going to devour a dozen people.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

We're in Ohio right now en route to Chicago. I don't know how consistent my access will be this week so I'm posting whenever I can.

This may seem unamerican, but I don't like driving. As a NYC native I didn't have to get a license until I was 25. And the traffic was so nuts I didn't want to drive in the city.

The second day I had my license I got into an accident. In my mom's car. In a parking lot. The damage was totally superficial so I never mentioned it to my parents. Then a $1000 bill showed up. It taught me a valuable lesson about cars; the slightest bump can cause thousands of dollars of damage.

Unfortunately, it's a lesson that replays in my mind every time I'm behind the wheel. I love our 2003 Beetle and I love how easy it is to drive. But as soon as I see another car in my sights, I see property damage. And I don't trust that car.

Renee and I have a deal. She drives in the city and I drive cross-country. It's usually a good trade but I just got in from three hours of eighteen wheelers. Eighteen wheelers that threaten to push me off the road. Took the fun out of it.

I'll try to keep posting through the holiday.

UPDATE:The driving pussification will end! I drove most of the day and through downtown Chicago today. No adverse reactions as of yet. Oh, and there is wireless acess in one corner of Renee's parents' house. Blogging can continue unabated.

Monday, November 21, 2005

As I've said before, the groom should pick five things in the wedding that are his ideas alone. He will get LOTS of pressure to back down, but he must stand firm. Good things will happen if he is pure of heart.

I picked the music. We talked to a dj on the phone and I mentioned to him that I had made a playlist for the wedding.

'Well we usually do about 50 songs through a reception.''Oh.''How many songs have you got?''83.'

There was editing to be done.

The next thing I tackled was the 'save the date' card. The invitation would be formal, but the 'save the date' could be anything I wanted. I worked with my good friend Rich Kelly and we were very happy with the result. Renee thought it was great until it was time to send them then got cold feet. I persisted and it went out. I still think it's a huge breakthrough in 'save the date' technology:

I had some say in the venue and food. A top shelf open bar was a no-brainer to me but it still found itself caught in deliberation. Renee brought me my final idea. She had found a place that did custom fortune cookies. You could write whatever you wanted on the fortunes.

YOU COULD WRITE WHATEVER YOU WANTED ON THE FORTUNES.

Renee was thinking our names and the date. I wasn't. Brian and I sat down and cranked out headline after headline. The confusion on people's faces when they opened the cookies was a joke worthy of Andy Kaufman. I still want to do something else with these cookies. Here's the full copy deck:

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Last week we went to Borders for Pilar's book signing. I've mentioned her before. Recently she's been illustrating a series of children's books which you can find here. They're super cute and a dollar goes to Adopt-a-Dog for every book. Considering they're self-publishing and making very little off the books anyway, it's truly generous.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Okay here's the deal. We got hooked up with a booking agent and tonight is our first gig with them. If a ton of people show up, more gigs follow. People don't; well, we just look like four big doofuses don't we?

Now I know I have a lot of friends on this board. There are more of you coming by than I hoped and I'm grateful for all of you. You love this blog. I love this blog. So let's have a blog convention tonight. Right here:

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

When you're in a hotel in the morning, you will watch anything that's on tv. While we were in San Francisco, we left MTV on. That's where we got hatefully obsessed with the Black-Eyed Peas song, "My Humps".

I had never heard the Black-Eyed Peas but all the press led me to believe they were like the Fugees. Oh, that was so wrong. I'm immune to almost all profanity but this is the crudest song I have ever heard.

And it's no.1 on itunes.

The video itself is nothing, just the Black-Eyed Peas trying to look really cool in front of a grey background. It's the song itself that's repugnant.

First of all, it's annoying. Annoying in the way the original X Wing toy was annoying. A grating, screeching sound that gets your attention but as soon as you focus on it, it hurts you. Whiny, tinny, repetitive. It's the catchiest melody since, "Warriors. Come out to playyy."

Then there are the lyrics. Random lines were stuck in our heads all weekend."What you gonna do with all that breasts in your shirt?" is ungrammatical and repulsive but it doesn't beat the key image the song hinges on; "my lovely lady lumps." If there's anything that's less of a turn-on and still implies unmutilated sexual organs, I've never heard it. These lyrics make me miss the subtlety of "Move Bitch, Get Out the Way".

And thematically? Well, I guess it's trying to be sexy. But you ever walk into a really sleazy strip club and feel just embarrassed? It's sexy like that. And it's confusing. Through the chorus she sounds like she's gonna do the guy who's 'spendin' all his money on me' but the verses seem to be about rape whistles. She's constantly telling guys not to touch her or she'll start 'drama'. I've been to high school. I've dated cockteases. But this is simply schizophrenic.

And it's no. 1 on itunes.

The girl in this video looks like a younger, skankier version of Kirstie Alley. I thought maybe I was judging her too harshly but That skanky image was just reinforced by this picture:

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Hellboy is a success story to cults everywhere. Mike Mignola first created the character for Dark Horse in 1994 after a solid career drawing for Marvel and DC Comics. Mignola always said he wanted to draw a book that contained everything he liked. This is it. It's the story of a demon from hell raised by humans and now works as a paranormal investigator fighting demons and monsters.

Hee hee hee.

Since it's a melting pot of all of Mignola's influences the books can be a little hodgepodge. Stories just sort of happen without a lot of structure. But what happens is always great. Monster fights, old mythology, people yelling "BOOM!" and lots of lots of darkness drew in a small but loyal readership. Not bad considering Mignola barely draws a story a year.

One of those readers was Guillermo del Toro who fought tooth and nail to turn it into a feature, vowing to keep it true to the comic. He did and the film is as brilliant and as cultish as the book. It's one of my favorite movies and I've lent it to a few friends who can't get past this cover.

One of Mignola's strengths is that when someone else wants to do a Hellboy story, he lets them do it their own way. So there have been stories by Eric Powell, Erik Larsen, John Cassiday and more drawing a very stylized character in a totally different style. The latest version is this one:

This comes from Tad Stone's new blog detailing the creation of two direct to dvd animated films. There's only a few entries so far but it's already a fascinating look into the animation process.

By the way, I got the opportunity to meet Mike Mignola last year at Midtown Comics and totally blew it. I had no idea he was signing but when I stopped by there he was and not much of a crowd around him. I couldn't think of anything to say that wouldn't sound nerdy and, since I was caught up on the book, couldn't find anything to buy that he could sign. I hung around for about ten minutes and left. I'm still kicking myself for letting that opportunity slip by.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Nice article on Springsteen's Born to Run here. There's a huge 3 cd/ dvd set that I don't think I need to own but sounds intriguing. I'm not a huge Springsteen fan but he's written a lot of really great songs. He lives up to his hype live too.

Bruce is a funny guy in interviews (his induction speech for U2 at the Rock n' Roll hall of fame is outright hilarious) and he summed up the marathon sessions of Born to Run with a fantastic quote:

"My obsessive/compulsive nature, which crippled me through much of the rest of my life, does come in handy once in a while," said a chuckling Springsteen.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

This is the man who, in my opinion, single handedly saved Star Trek. When Gene Roddenberry launched Star Trek: the Next Generation, the original series was at an all time-high. Star Trek IVwas a huge hit and that gave Gene the momentum he needed to recreate the entire universe, setting it in an even more advanced era.

It was terrible.

The stories were so bogged down by Gene's future philosophy and 'everyone gets along' mentality that there were almost no stories to be told. After two seasons, the entire writing staff was fired.

Then they hired Michael Piller.

Piller hadn't done much science fiction when he joined Star Trek, just a couple of short lived shows. He was best known for writing Cagney and Lacey and Simon and Simon, quirky cop shows loaded with character. That's the sensibility he brought to Star Trek and the effect was immediate.

People loved the original series not for the outer space locations (which, let's face it, were usually two panels of drywall and some glittery robes) but for the characters. Even non sci-fi fans love the energy and interaction of Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and Scotty (my theory on why Spock was so popular? Watch an episode. He's the only one not screaming). This was a feature Roddenberry largely ignored for the Next Generation. Maybe he didn't want to give the actors credit. But Piller knew it.

The third season showcased a costume change that gives you a clear watermark. Fans know:

collars=good episode. Spandex=suck.

It's a nice tipoff that heralds the arrival of Piller's writing. Suddenly the crew of the Enterprise became characters. They had individual personalities and quirks. They got funnier, more vulnerable, at times awkward. By the time the season cliffhanger aired, audiences were rivited.

Piller planned to leave at the end of that season but stayed on for another 12 years. He created Star Trek: Deep Space Nine which, while he didn't do much actual writing for it, was the best written show of the franchise with characters that actually changed and grew over the course of the series. He exited the franchise after Voyager which when everything in the franchise started feelng a little tired.

Piller was incredibly active in his final years, launching a new family show Wildfire just a few months ago. It's a testament to a writer who was great at his craft and truly loved it.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Ah, hell. Can't say I didn't see it coming but man, it was good. Honestly, I was surprised they brought it back this year. They showed two episodes back to back guest starring Charlize Theron and no one watched it? That's a sign that America was actively ignoring this show.

Ricky Gervais is supposed to be in an episode this year. I hope it was already shot because FOX isn't even airing a full third season.

Most people I know haven't seen much of this show but 'heard it was good'. Well, it's just about too late but you can still buy the dvds. As I've learned it's a show you can watch over and over again and it belongs on my classic tv shelf.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

This is my cousin Sean. Last I saw him he was a college kid and acoustic guitar player. This year he joined the Marines and they assigned him to a HummVee near Baghdad. He never felt the need to explain why.

Sean wasn't allowed to bring anything with him but he's been able to pick up a few things over there. He bought a cheap guitar so he can play again and a digital camera so he can show us what he's seeing. His mom says she still talks to him every day. Quite a change from the time when soldiers would be shipped 'over there' and you didn't know if you'd ever hear from them again.

I'm both proud and terrified for him. But somehow, this picture makes me feel better.

Facts which make these assassinations all the more senseless. Does anyone think these lawyers can get him off? And it's such a foolproof strategy that the only way to thwart the defense is to kill the lawyers? For crying out loud, he's Saddam Hussein! What possible strategy could these guys have had to free him?

"C'mon, your honor. He lived in a hole for a month! Isn't that punishment enough?"

"If you had to live in that heat for thirty years, you'd want to execute 150 people at once too."

"To be fair, he never even had weapons of mass destruction."

"On the plus side your honor, he's now sporting a neat little beard. In fact, he looks like Santa. Why would you want to persecute Santa? Why do you want to hurt the little girls and boys all over the world? No further questions!"

Monday, November 07, 2005

I love all the blogs that are linked in the right column. And because of that, I try to never repeat the same information as them. If you want to know what they're saying, go visit them. You'll be doing yourself a favor.

I love Albert Brooks. Walker and I used to have heated arguments about whether he was funnier than Woody Allen or not (he is). I have the only cd reissue of his one of his 70's albums (he had two). In the dark ages before dvd, I worked to tape all his films on cruddy slow speed VHS just so I could watch them again and again.

His new film, "Looking For Comedy in the Muslim World" looks to be incredible. I just read a great interview with Albert about that film at Mark Evanier's blog. How many ways can I get you to go there?

Sunday, November 06, 2005

This has been around a little while but it's still really cool. The Dave School is a new cg animation school founded by one of the guys from Foundation Imaging, a company that did a lot of cg effects for Star Trek.

There's a long history between them and the guys at Art Asylum so, for a final project, the students created a ten minute animated film based on the Minimate Batman figures. It's even got the dreaded Adam West in it.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

See this face? This is the face I make when it's 2 am NY time, all the food and beer I've had are battling inside my stomach and I'm forced to watch transexuals lip synch to Janet Jackson for three hours.

Oh, how I love Mr. T. I hated 'Rocky' but I had to see 'Rocky III' because T was in it. I loved 'the A Team'. I loved 'T&T' where he played a lawyer. I love how he beat up cancer, just punched it a lot and beat it. I love how he lost his cool every time he went on Howard Stern. And now I love his rendition of 'Treat Yo Momma Right'. God, bless you, T.

Here's a little more information Brian dug up. It's called Be Somebody or Be Somebody's Fool! I want the full VHS tape. If the clips show Bobby Brown singing about the dangers of drugs, sage wisdom like 'you have to wear clothes. If you don't you'll get arrested', T reading dialogue like Fred Sanford, a format that basically turns Mr. T into Barney the purple dinosaur, and lots and lots of breakdancing, what could the rest of the tape show us?

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Anyway according to emails the head of FEMA sent during Katrina, the whining never stopped for a minute. I've never seen such an amazing lack of tact in my life. Incompetance, sure. Cronyism, definitely. Laziness, uh-huh. Resentment in the face of being shaken out of laziness, absolutely. But sarcastic comments like "Can I go home now?" and "Sorry I'm not a superhero who could lift the entire city of New Orleans out of danger" just reek of no one telling this guy what to say. I thought that was unheard of in this day and age. But I guess if you're the one taking the fall, they're not going to send you a p.r. staff to do it.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Along 8th avenue there are new souless skyscrapers that feel like malls and there are three story brick buildings that drip with local history. The latter are being torn down with a speed that only money or hate could generate.

McHale's, a 50 year old watering hole, is the latest casualty. When I was in my twenties, bumming around Manhattan looking for either a writing job or experiences to write about, I'd pass by the neon sign and peek in the brown windows. It was a perfect bohemian scene. I could imagine Tom Waits singing to himself slumped at the bar. Or Phil Silvers shooting dice in the corner during a Broadway intermission. I never felt old enough or tough enough to step inside.

A few months ago we were on the hunt for the perfect burger by the office. Ron offered McHale's with a burger so big (he was quoting) "you need a crane to lift it". We were there.

The place looks like your grandfather's rumpus room. Smells like it too. It's all table lamps and wood paneling. Our group was four guys and Rebecca who kept asking us if we were seriously going to eat here. The waitress called her 'sweetie'. The bathroom was downright Dickensian. I could not have liked this place more.

I wanted to start a petition to save it but the loss has nothing to do with the business. Turns out the landlord is tearing the building down to build, guess what? A soulless skyscraper. I wouldn't want McHale's in that place. They're doing what they can to get landmark status but at the very least, you locals, and anyone visiting NY before January 1 (Bill, I'm looking at you), should stop by 46th and 8th, get a beer and a giant burger. I'm going for lunch again today.

UPDATE: There is a petition to save the grand old place and it's right in the bar. Stop by, eat and sign it. I'm looking for some kind of online action and when I find it, it will be posted here.