If you admired Roger Corman's astringent The St Valentine's Day Massacre, you are unlikely to enjoy Garry Marshall's Valentine's Day marshmallow, a sickly confection with an all-star cast in which the stories of various people – young and old, gay and straight, rich and poor, honest and crooked, black and tanned, are intertwined one 14 February in Los Angeles. It's as predictable as a North Korean election and makes Richard Curtis's not dissimilar Love Actually look like Ernst Lubitsch at his zenith. The other piece of bad news is that Marshall's Pretty Woman (to which there is a jokey reference by Julia Roberts in an outtake behind the end credits of Valentine's Day) is re-released this week.