[Editor’s Note: THIS IS NOT A REVIEW, I don’t know why people would want a review of an album 24 hours after its release, do you really need someone to tell you that you like it.. Or do you just want some talking points to sound smarter when you discuss it? Pewn Pewn, shots fired. And now for your featured presentation]

So I listened to Adele’s new album. I loved it. Maybe even more than her previous ones. (Not to say it’s better, 21 musically is absolutely stellar and the more superior album). 25 is a tale of reflection on the one that got away, unrequited love and “this is probably a bad idea but fuck it, I need this” sex…shit, that’s my life. (I won’t touch A Million Years Ago, because I don’t appreciate Adele strumming my pain with her fingers, singing my life with her words, it was like how I imagine Ronda Rousey felt when she caught that kick to the dome… I knew it was coming but I didn’t know it was coming…damn you!) As I listen, with each track it sets in that maybe I’m actually the on the wrong side of these love songs. When did I become the bad guy in this movie? Is this what white people felt when they first heard To Pimp A Butterfly or Black on Both Sides? It’s like being the person who watches Hannibal and is like, you know he isn’t that bad, technically he is just hunting meat that can talk. Care and manipulation, killing then eating…isnt that where chicken comes from? See…. I’m turning heel. Total, help me sang.

I also listened to Bryson Tiller’s debut album. (Yes I’m using Adele and Bryson Tiller in the same breath, just rock with me for a second) When I was able to move past the fact “Trap Soul” is just an meaty oaker made genre for artists who don’t got enough bars to rap and don’t have the range for traditional R&B and gave the album a fair spin, I liked… the first 6 songs. I’ll take the mediocre (yes I just used mediocre again in case someone didn’t get the joke and thought I was an imbecile) singing over those tired yell raps. What I did come away with is… This is what the other side sounds like; A man who gets jealous when she tries to move on, tries to win back her heart even though he has no intentions on doing something with it. A man who would take that offer for “one night only” even though he knows damn well she isn’t really bout that life. A man who doesn’t get his ego stroked by his conquests but rather how sprung he can get her. Shit… Am I that guy?

Yes. Of course not. Depends who you ask. Look she grown she should know better. God ain’t thru with me yet. The correct answer is that I was. Without googling I can say Bryson Tiller has to be under 25, because that’s how an under 25 year old would do things. (When you get over 30 then you can just say it’s sex addiction, shoutout Eric Benet.) I’m closer to Adele’s age than Bryson’s, closer to the antagonist in Adele’s songs than the protagonist in his. I would’ve said Adele is doing it to herself, but now I can say… You know what, I get it. Growth and shit.

As with most double standards, the same way no one wants to heat white people’s hurt feelings over the #inward, the one on the other end of the love song is the villain. No matter how good you think you’ve elucidated or how logical your argument… If you’re the one breaking the heart it’s your fault. I bet Adele’s ex is somewhere like, yo but SHE ASKED to come over and SHE made the first move….. Been there bruh, been there.