obsessions, anxieties, and other little things that make my world go 'round

July 27, 2011

Imprint

Lisa Tucker McElroy recently wrote a guest post for Lisa Belkin's NYT Motherlode blog pertaining to sleep, called, Bedtime Witches. It's beautifully written, and while we don't have monsters in this house (yet), she put into words how I often feel as a mother, and I wanted to share an excerpt with you here:

Someday, when Zoe has a daughter just like her, what nights will she remember? Will she look back on bedtime and think of it as a nurturing time, an hour of bonding, an occasion of love? Or, recalling our bedtime struggles, will she strive, in stark contrast to her own experience, to be the Good Witch of Bedtime? I long to know what imprint I’m leaving on my child, what fears I’m eliminating, what anxieties I’m creating*. I want a house to land on the Wicked Witch and stamp her out for good, both for my own sake and for that of my daughter, who deserves nothing less.

The house is quiet....And it is now, in the peace of the sleeping house, that I face head-on my motherhood fear, deeply buried, yet surfacing at bedtime: I’m no longer afraid of encountering the Wicked Witch; I’m afraid of becoming her.