I’m assuming
that this horrendously obnoxious found-footage horror film is called SX_Tape because Sex Tape had been taken by the comedy starring Cameron Diaz and
Jason Segel, and by that assumption I am giving the filmmakers more credit than
they deserve. If they chose to call it SX_Tape
(or sxtape, as it is listed on IMDB)
to be hip or different for some reason, it would actually be more fitting for
the garbage contained within this sad excuse for a narrative. I would rather
watch the home footage of a real teenager rather than endure this awful movie
ever again. I’m tempted to destroy the review screener just to ensure nobody
else accidentally wastes their time watching this.

The storyline is
virtually nonexistent, but that might have been endurable if it weren’t for the
characters in the film. Not a single portrayal represents anything remotely
relatable, and the actors show their inexperience at the first need for actual
acting. For Caitlyn Folley, who plays Jill, this moment comes in the opening
scene. In typical fashion of found footage horror, we begin with the police
interview footage which takes place after the incident has occurred. Jill is
unbelievably (I mean, I really did not believe her in the slightest) distressed
at the death of her friends, which gives the movie excuse to take an hour
setting up a situation where this will occur. Jill is more irritating than the
worst teenage girl, and we are forced to endure the entire film with her image
in the primary focus, since her whiny boyfriend Adam (Ian Duncan) is behind the
camera.

They are
aspiring artists, which is an added element of annoyance on top of everything
else obnoxious that they do and say in the lengthy running time of 85-minutes. When
they break into an abandoned hospital, the storyline gets as predictably
irritating as these characters are eventually joined by two more asinine
failures in screenwriting. Bobby (Chris Coy) and Colette (Julie Marcus) arrive
to give Jill and Ian a ride when their car gets towed, but all end up returning
predictably into the rundown hospital. At least half of this film is just
pointless footage of them roaming around the hospital. Bobby is instantly an
unlikable character in every way, clearly designed for one purpose. Colette is
even worse, however, designed to be a contradictory character that is simply
there to serve each scene whatever it needs to move things along. She doesn’t
have any other personality or purpose, which is fitting this entire film.

Apparently, whoever designed the sleeve for
the DVD and Blu-ray releases was well aware of how awful this film was, because
it is riddled with errors and writing that makes this entire endeavor even more
amateur despite the veterans attached the production’s technical aspects. The
character name for Jill’s boyfriend is incorrect, listing the name of the actor
instead of the character. Then there are the awfully written segments filled
with horrible tendy phrases which went out of fashion before the blurb was even
printed. The whole thing is offensive to the intelligence of anyone old enough
to watch this garbage. All this movie will end up being good for is
masturbation material for fifteen-year-olds who are willing to fast-forward to
the obligatory nude scenes from Folley.