Musings and stories from a 40-something year old slut newbie

Is “poly” code for “I’m incredibly needy and need constant attention from anyone I speak to”?

I’m beginning to think so. I’ve been out with some poly-identified guys in relationships and each one of them has ended the date with “ok, let’s get together in the next week”. Like, dude, you have a girlfriend, this isn’t serious, we don’t need to see each other every 3 days. Against my better judgement, I get a message ostensibly from a couple who want a 3rd. She’s absolutely sexy in the girl next door way. I can’t see much of him, but from what I can see, he’s attractive. He starts messaging. At first it’s fun, flirty. I’m trying to find out what they want, he says they are more poly, but just open and into having fun. Sounds good to me. I’m liking what I’m hearing, learn they are moving to my city and I offer to go for drinks, no pressure. And then this morning’s messages start. There is nothing per se wrong with the messages…except that when I had to deal with some stuff (normal, handyman-necessary stuff) for THIRTY MINUTES, I look back and I have a series of messages of “why have you gone silent on me? did I say something wrong?”. To which I responded that no, I just had stuff to deal with. Then I get the “I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope you are ok”. And I’m like “nothing serious, just headache.” And then a series of messages and messages. And I’m walking, it’s sunny, I can’t really read my phone…so I don’t. And it’s the same fricking thing about going silent on him!!! It had been like a half hour.

So…delete. I mean, if you’re this needy BEFORE we meet, what are you like after we meet and possibly been naked together? I don’t have time for that neediness. If I wanted that, I wouldn’t be proudly single. And can we just say “needy” if we mean needy and not code it in “poly”?