Gisele earned $47 million last year according to Forbes and is annoyed they wrote an article about it. She attempted to vaguely minimize the details of the story:

“It’s sad, because the people who write these things don’t have my bank account details.”

What’s in your bank account is kind of irrelevant. Perhaps you’re down a bit on the balance sheet after paying $50 million in cash for the new home. Bundchen is apparently fed up with the hassles that come with being paid in truckloads of cash. She blames Forbes for getting audited by the IRS:

“I do OK, I earn plenty, but not as much as they say. I’ve already been audited by the IRS because of this list.”

Maybe the IRS just wondered how the fuck you could have earned so much money being the 29th best looking Brazilian model in the world. Tom Brady is one of the best if not the best quarterback in the NFL. We get where his money comes from. Bundchen probably longs for the days when modeling was super street and you were paid with coke and the chance to marry war criminals in Brunei. If Bundchen is annoyed at being profiled she may want to explain in more detail how she is making this much money, because from an outsider’s perspective it seems obvious she is channeling cartel money and FIFA bribes back and forth from Brazil.

Gisele Bundchen made Forbes list of the world’s most powerful women. I’m not sure what the voting criteria is, but it’s safe to say this is a list that means you’re the premium blend. You’re riding in the same VIP car with Hilary Clinton, Ellen DeGeneres, and Oprah. If Michelle Obama and her secret service weren’t also riding along, you’d probably be lez-raped, so maybe a thank you to the First Lady is in order.

You probably forgot that Holly Madison had a baby earlier this year, because it wasn’t even in the Top 100 celebrity child births in 2013, but she did and now she knows just what Gisele Bündchen is going through when it comes to finding the time and right place to breast feed. Holly came to Gisele’s defense after the supermodel received mild criticism over a picture of her breastfeeding, as she told the Daily Mail, “She is braver than I am. When I first had the baby I said ‘I’m going to breast feed the baby and set a good example,’” which is called being a mother, if I’m not mistaken.

But it’s sometimes tough for a famous mom to pop her boob out and feed a kid, something Holly also acknowledged. “When I go out, I always look for a secluded hallway to feed Rainbow, but it is not always possible.” And then she said something else, but everyone was laughing too hard from the reminder that she named her child Rainbow.

Holy crap, Gisele really does do it all. She maps out post patterns for Danny Amendola so he’s not lost like that stupid Wes Welker. She runs a lingerie business selling lingerie that only she can wear. And she takes in random street children to give them breast milk while gay men play with her hair. Officially, I believe it’s called tousling. If you’re not thinking about picking this lady up the next time she comes single, you are missing out on a Renaissance woman.