Word shortage forces government to ration old people's snow descriptions

Constant coverage of the weather has forced the government to ration old people giving descriptions of the snow. Phrases such as "cold snap", "eeh it's bitter", and "not as bad as 1963/1947" will be limited to one per person per week until further notice.

Authorities have also clamped down on "Haven't you grown?", "I still have all me own teeth", and "I'm 87 you know" whilst they had the chance.