Good Enough

This one was inspired by so many things happening to and around me. I hope it’s good enough for you.

For J

She was never good enough.

Asake is her name. The girl with the big belly. As she walks the street she can feel heads turn in her direction and eyes glare at her. She can hear their hushed whispers and sighs. No, it is not because they are admiring the pretty yellow dress she is wearing. They aren’t drawn to her pretty face or curvy body as used to be the case. There is something else that draws their attention to her and makes them look at her with disgust.

At school, her little girls no longer smile at her or call her miss world. They do not respect and obey her anymore. These are girls she taught all they know about life. Girls who used to consider her their goddess, the same girls now sneer at her and say all sort of hurtful things to her even in class. Little Regina was at her desk the other time- the last time. The small girl with the big mind. She was in tears as she spoke.

‘’Miss, why did you do this to us? I, most especially, looked up to you. This was not what you taught us, you did not practice what you preached…’’

Her next words were all sobbed out. She was later withdrawn from the school by her parents who taught Asake was bad influence on their daughter. She wasn’t surprised when she was summoned by admin the next week. They even took too long to decide her fate which she knew was already decided by Regina’s parents, still, were kind enough to explain to her that they were afraid of loosing more students on her account. Like what was she expecting from a girls-only Christian primary school, an award for her misconduct?

Loosing her job was incomparable to loosing her life. Because she lost it the moment she realized she was pregnant. She lost her life when she became aware of the life in her womb. But it was just her life, didn’t matter much to her. She was prepared to lay it down for love, to die for the man she loved.

Kaka did not only take her life. He took her soul. Kaka that she did everything for. Kaka, the man she loved beyond reasoning. Kaka, the father of her unborn child.

‘’how sure am I that it’s even my baby?’’

That was the reaction expected of every normal guy at the news that he was going father a child he did not plan for. If it were any other guy she may have gotten the joke and laughed hard. Any other guy and she wouldn’t have hurt at all. But not her Kaka, not the man she gave her all to. She dreamed of happily ever after. She thought she had finally found happiness. Finally found someone she was good enough for. He treated her with so much love and care. Had she known the love was feigned, she wouldn’t have given to him her only perfection. Now she was incomplete and unacceptable. Now she was broken, in body and in soul.

When she walked out of his room, she walked out of his life. She walked out of his lies. He denied her, denied them. He laughed at her when she mentioned marriage. Was she crazy? What gave her the idea that a guy like him would end up with a girl like her? A school teacher. If he knew she had already lost her job he would have probably thrown her out of his house practically.

As she walks the street she has known for five years for the last time, she feels sorry for herself and for him too. He thinks he has used her, he thinks he is the man but in truth he is pathetic. A looser with no hope of winning. She has lost too but the life in her womb makes her a winner. She is leaving not because she is afraid to face defeat but because she needs a new beginning, a new page. She is writing now, writing her victory and it does not matter that her prologue was uninteresting, what matters is that she is working to have a great epilogue.

Kaka broke her heart but little Kaka in her womb is going to mend it. She hopes he finds someone that is good enough for him, someone that will give him a dose of the pain he caused her. He was right after all, they were never meant for each other.