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Thursday, July 19, 2012

Moving On

There are beginnings and endings in life, and many say that to begin something you must end another first. I don't know how true this is, but I do know that often the moving on from an ending can be incredibly difficult. No I'm not ending the blog, or my journey, or giving up on Denver yet. Although I know that at some point all of these things will end, and when their respective times come I hope that I am able to make a graceful transition into a new beginning from them. There are other endings in life though, and often we have a hard time moving on from them to find the new beginning.

One of my favorite quotes was said by Helen Keller, "When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." I am guilty of this in more than one aspect of my life. Often I'm so angry, sad, frustrated, or upset over an ending, that I'm missing a new beginning. It's only later when hindsight kicks in that I realize I've made the mistake of not seeing it.

As often as we would like to change the habits we have at staring at a closed door, and dwelling on an ending, often it's difficult to know that it was even an ending in the first place. Several months ago a relationship of mine broke down, there was no clear cut "ending" but the door closed nonetheless. Now I have many relationships in my life where I don't see or speak to the person for months at a time, but we still are part of each others lives, and would neither one consider the relationship over and the door closed. So in my mind what made this relationship any different? So I stared at the door, expecting the outcome I'd become conditioned too, things were not over and just on hold till they could be picked up again. That wasn't the case, and when an attempt was made to pick up where things were left off, things fell apart quickly clearly marking a messy ending to that relationship.

Now I'm using this relationship as an example, but the fact is that in any area endings can be difficult to see sometimes. It's clear when you are fired from a job that it is time to move on, but how do you know it's time if they don't fire you? When you and your significant other begin to realize that you no longer have anything in common, when do you know it's time to separate? Or if it's time to separate? If someone you love is sick and knows it's their time, how do you let them go? If you've worked toward a goal such as losing so much weight, and have lived that goal for so long, when you achieve it what do you do next?

We all go through millions of endings in our lives, some are more clear cut than others, and some come easier than others. The fact is that in order to have a new beginning, we first have to accept the ending and move on. The moving on is where I get stuck. Even when I see an ending, and know that it has happened, I have trouble accepting it and moving on. I still want to "fix" things. The fact is that I don't like endings, I don't want things to be over, particularly when they end poorly.

Often I want to move on, I just don't know how to do that, and I know that I am only holding myself back from new beginnings. So I'm asking for help. How do you move on? Whether it's moving past a broken relationship, a lost job, an unexpected death, or even reaching a goal you've finally accomplished, what do you do to get to your new beginning?

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Favorite Quotes

"The story of your life has many chapters. One bad chapter doesn't mean it's the end of the book." ~ Unknown

"And I say again, never give up, no matter what is going on around you, never give up." ~ Dalai Lama XIV

"If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story." ~ Orson Welles

"Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up." ~ James Baldwin

"The two most important days of your life are the day you were born, and the day you find out why." ~ Mark Twain

"You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough." ~ Frank Crane

“Every worthwhile accomplishment, big or little, has its stages of drudgery and triumph; a beginning, a struggle and a victory.” ~ Gandhi

"You can only become truly accomplished at something you love. Don't make money your goal. Instead pursue the things you love doing and then do them so well that people cant take their eyes off of you." ~ Maya Angelou

“This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.” ~ Unknown

“Are you upset little friend? Have you been lying awake worrying? Well, don't worry...I'm here. The flood waters will recede, the famine will end, the sun will shine tomorrow, and I will always be here to take care of you." ~ Charlie Brown

“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." ~ Christopher Robin to Pooh

"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving." ~ Albert Einstein

“I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!” ~ Dr. Seuss

"You are what you eat, which I guess makes me part mosquito." ~ Kermit The Frog

"In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back." ~ Charlie Brown

"Around here, however, we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things... and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths." ~ Walt Disney

"Brick Walls are there for a reason, they let us prove how badly we want things." ~ Randy Pausch

"The fool doth thinks he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool." ~ 'As You Like It', Act 5 scene 1

"When I was young my ambition was to be one of the people who made a difference in this world. My hope still is to leave the world a little bit better for my having been here." ~ Jim Henson

"You pile up enough tomorrows, and you'll find you are left with nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays. I don't know about you, but I'd like to make today worth remembering." ~ Professor Harold Hill in 'The Music Man'

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind." ~ Dr. Seuss