2) If you are going to post an AMA, please keep in mind that not everyone will see it immediately and an AMA is a bit of a long-term process that can happen over more than one day. Give yourself enough time to actually answer questions and check back as frequently as possible. There have been a lot of people in the past who will answer two or three questions (sometimes none at all) and then just stop posting and never come back.

PLEASE do not hesitate to use the 'report' button if you think someone or something might be breaking the rules. We'll get to them ASAP.

I mentioned this in my AMA earlier this week, when I had just gotten discharged from a mental hospital. Someone stated that it would be an interesting iAMA and I'm extremely bored right now.

So... ask away, if you want.

Edit: Well, it's time for me to get off Reddit and go to bed. I'll answer any other questions tomorrow if people still have more, but as of right now, this AMA is over. Thanks for the kind words and questions, guys!

Well, I have five in total (not including myself), but only three of them regularly come out. Keep in mind that I'm a female.

Ren He's the one that's out most often. He's usually depressed and he has crippling social anxiety. He's a good writer, and pretty good at sports. He's bisexual, and regularly experiences body dysmorphia when he takes over. He's been pretty quiet lately, I think because of the antidepressants the hospital gave me.

Logic He's the first alter that formed. When we first became acquainted with each other, he claimed to be God talking to me. Eventually, he revealed himself after a frightening period of intrusive thoughts and hallucinations. He introduced himself as Logic, and has been a part of me ever since. He tends to come out when I'm in a situation where I have a lot of adrenaline. Once, he made me push my brother out of a glass door, and walk away without looking back. I barely remembered it afterwards. Logic is asexual (as far as I know), and is my wrathful and violent personality.

Raquel She's something of my party girl personality. She tends to come out when I'm in a situation where I need to let loose. Ren is her younger brother, and she has to give him advice whenever he takes over. She's a latina, and I tend to speak in Spanish more when she takes over. She's a lesbian.

Then, I have:

Rationality He never takes over, but he is a constant voice in my head. I turn to him for advice and a rational perspective on things in my life, hence his name. He never gave me his actual name, so I just deemed him that. He's really kind, and is something of a father figure for the other alters. He reminds me a lot of my dad.

Feelings Rationality's wife. I hate her, but can never escape her. I never consciously let her take over like I do the other ones, but she tends to come out whenever I get stressed by a situation. Whether is be girl troubles, an argument with my family, or what have you, she comes out and totally overreacts to the situation. I think she attributed to my former misdiagnosis of Bipolar Disorder.

So, yeah. I feel like a crazy person typing all of this out, but it's weirdly therapeutic to tell a stranger about what I have to deal with on an everyday basis.

I've heard that people with DID have a meeting place in their mind where all of their personalities can meet together and talk to each other. Is this true? If so, how often do your personalities talk with each other and what do they talk about?

Maybe it's true for some people. I don't have so much of a conception of an actual meeting place, but my alters talk to each other regularly. Usually, they comment on stuff that's going on in the outside, or they're arguing with each other. I have to play peacemaker, whether I'm the one that's in control or not.

Like, you know cartoons where the main character has a little devil sitting on one shoulder, and a little angel sitting on the other, and they're arguing back and forth. The character still has his own thoughts about the situation, but the little angel and devil have their own thoughts, and are able to give the character a new perspective. That's the best way I can explain it.

It can be useful when I'm in a situation where I don't want to deal with something. I'm at a party, people tell me to loosen up. "Hey, Raquel!" It's five hours later, I feel intoxicated and I don't know why. Behavior like this has led to some really grey areas in the realm of consent, so I think I may begin to suppress her a bit.

I'm angry, and want to get revenge, but I personally get physically sick at the thought of violence. "Hey, Logic!" I'm on the ground, punching someone in the face and I don't remember why.

I'm at school, and I'm extremely bored. "Hey, Ren!" I'm at home now, and I don't remember what happened that day. Hell, now I barely remember my class schedule for when I go to school tomorrow.

So, all in all, it's a coping mechanism. It can be useful, but can also lead to some really self-destructive behavior that I'm not even aware of until I already feel the effects.

You explicitly state the sexuality of your personalities. They can even be linked with only a bit of creativity and going for the stereotypes (asexual links to PTSD due to bad experiences, bisexual man links to lesbian woman as they both love women and the same sex).

Do you link your personalities to what happened in your life and your sexuality?

So, yeah. I feel like a crazy person typing all of this out

It actually sounds like you're on top of things, by seeking help and being able to talk so freely on the internet. But you have been through a lot in your youth already from what you're posting in this AMA, more than any kid/teenager can be asked to deal with and remain unscathed. It's not crazy imho that your brain needs more time to process all of that on top of the base level of craziness that is teenage life.

I suppose I do link the alters to my life. Logic formed in a time where I had no friends, and I was constantly bullied at school. As a result, I guess my mind formed a "me" that was perpetually angry and hateful.

My sexuality is queer, and my gender identity is agender. My sexual orientation shifts depending on who is in control, so I've been completely confused on that front, and just decided to default to queer and leave it alone. I get confused on my gender a lot, as the body dysmorphia that Ren feels translated to me feeling as if I was a transman one day, but then I feel perfectly female the next when Raquel takes over. As a result, I default to no gender and leave it alone.

But yeah, I can see what you're saying. My personalities do have a great bearing on my own personal identity, and they all formed through experiences I went through at the time. Logic was abuse and unresolved anger. Ren was depression and sexuality confusion. Raquel formed when I went through a period of rebellion and partying, and I was convinced that I was gay.

It's weird, because I've had times where one of my personalities liked a person and pursued them, but I personally found them disgusting. Or I had a relationship with someone and barely remembered it.

Like my ex-girlfriend. Ren dated her, not me. He hates her now, but I don't, and I don't understand why he does. I don't remember what happened that made them (us) break up, other than his biased account of the events. I barely remember anything about the girl, let alone what she looks like.

I suppose it's mostly hard on the SOs. The alters can be obstructionists when I want to pursue someone that they don't like.

I like a girl now, and I've been wanting to ask her out for a while. Ren doesn't like her, he thinks she's ugly and annoying. I think she's pretty in her own way and adorable. So, at school, he went out of his way to seem like a creepy person in order to make her not like me. She's probably going to be shocked tomorrow when I show up to school after a week and I've taken a 180 in personality.

Before I took meds and got my new diagnosis, I just thought I was prone to mood swings. I knew I had people in my head that could control me, but I thought it was only at will, not during all those times in my life where people tell me I did and said things I don't remember, where I have absolutely no memory of something that had happened only the day before.

I feel like this is the real me now, because I'm behaving the same way that I did when I was a child. Before all the bullshit that made me develop this disorder in the first place. I'm happy, I'm not constantly anxious, or depressed, or hallucinating. As I explained to my grandmother who wasn't sold on the meds, I can finally hear the music in my head again. I feel like me, after years of, apparently, not being "me."

So your mind broke because of what happened to you, yet you didn't lose yourself, like so many people surely would've under such circumstances - your "old" self still exists, and is alive and kicking, it seems.

Do you literally hear their voices in your head? Are they forming words and you have to wait til the end of a sentence to know what they're saying, or are there just kind of thoughts/feelings being expressed on behalf of all of them seperately? Do they have very specific voices that you immediately recognise? Explain pls how these things get processed

I guess, a bit of both? I'm not sure if I'm completely understanding, but it mostly depends on who is in control. If I'm in control, then I literally just hear their voices. If one of them is in control, then I kinda.. share that alter's thoughts. It's processed more like a thought than a conversation, though it stays the same with the alters who aren't in control.

They do have their own specific voices. A couple are taken from people that I've known in the past, a couple are taken from voices of people on television or in a movie. I immediately recognize them because I know that they're present from inside my head, not outside. If I heard them in the outside, I'd probably think it was the people that they sound similar to.

The personalities do seem to "possess" me, but I don't realize it unless I specifically ask them to, or they tell me they are.

They also suggest, and that's where they tend to seem foreign, unless one of them is in control.

Like, before I began taking the meds, Ren had been in control. His thoughts were like my thoughts, and vice versa. But the way that he processes things, his perspective, is different from mine because we have different personalities, but we melded while he was in control. It's really hard to explain, and I'm at a loss for words.

At the same time, the other personalities felt foreign. But I knew they were coming from inside my head, because I could have a crowd of people talking loudly beside me, and I could barely hear my friend talking to me, but the alters came in loud and clear.

The biggest problem is that it caused my sexual abuse to begin again, and it caused me a great deal of depression. I'm happier with the meds, and I want the happiness to continue.

I guess I see it as real, though I don't always see everyday life as really happening. Mostly because I can't usually remember it. And yes, it's present in my everyday life. I talk to them everyday, though some days more than others.

I start back in school tomorrow. I was in the facility for a week, and I took Thursday and Friday off to recuperate.

The medicine helps a lot. I can sleep better, I don't have hallucinations anymore, and my anxiety is almost completely gone. The only thing is, it affects my memory a bit, I've noticed. I typically have a great memory, but I guess I can make do with an average one. I plan to continue therapy and taking the medication, and just figure out how to cope with my different alters now that I'm aware of why they exist.

I was shocked at first, especially at the PTSD. The doctor was so blunt and condescending with it, too. "Your therapist is not a doctor. You do not have Bipolar Disorder. You have PTSD as a result of your sexual abuse, and Dissociative Identity Disorder." I thought the doctor was a quack, and I was pretty indignant about the diagnosis, until I got home and got the opportunity to research it. Now, I think she pegged me spot on and it feels good to know that there's a name for what's going on with me, other than the stereotypical "crazy."

I don't know, I wish that people were more accepting of mental illness and were more willing to get help. I had to advocate for myself; all the help I'm getting now was through my own doing of going past my family and asking for it directly. I knew what I needed. Others don't have that same luxury. I think we need to quit with this bullshit stigma of mental illness and medication and get people (especially children) the help that they need. Anything less is a disservice.

I'm not exactly sure. I've been through sexual abuse when I was younger (about 5) and again recently by the same person. I was neglected by my mother for 3 years, and verbally abused by my grandmother during that same period. I was brutally bullied and isolated by schoolmates at that exact same period, so I guess all of that just compounded into PTSD. That's the diagnosis the doctor at the hospital gave me, but looking at the symptoms, I don't think I really have it. Her diagnosis of DID was spot on, though.

The mental hospital was surprisingly fun and helpful. I went through a personality switch while in there, and I'm happier after not being under the influence of my usually depressed alter.

Everybody has different ways of dealing with stress, sometimes our pass will catch up with us and bring back alot of fellings and depression. Have you ever been doing something and was reminded of a terrable situation? You might not see it now because of the antidepressents, even thought i belive it wont fix you, i know you will grow out of this. Even though you didnt have the best child hood and perranting (like all of us) growning up your grandmother and mother love you. you sound like a smart girl you will be fine :).

Thank you for the kind words. Even though I've had rough patches with both my mother and grandmother, I realize now that they love me and want more than anything for me to get better and back to the old me that they love and remember.

I have had times where I was doing something unrelated and I was reminded of a bad memory. I can't let my mind wander too much, for some reason it likes to walk into the bad parts of my life.

I feel you, i've had a rough lonely child hood and could never put my finger on what was wrong with me until i was old enough to realize it. Good for you for doing something about it, and thanks for sharing.

Someone once told me, the past is just my history, its just something that happened long ago and shouldn't matter, and the fact that i am who i am now makes me a great person despite me past. I'm 23 now and learning from my mistakes. So far i've learned to live a more caring and fulfilling life. It makes me happy knowing i made others happy.

Not really. As in, I haven't seen many media portrayals. Really, I didn't even know DID was a thing until I got my diagnosis. I just thought I was some special kind of crazy, or had some mild form of schizophrenia.

But with anything in the media, I'm going to choose to assume that most are fairly inaccurate. The media likes to roll with the most improbable and extreme form of any mental illness. Gives things more drama.

You haven't by any chance heard of the movie "Identity" with John Cusack?

It's an terrifyingly captivating movie imo, not gonna spoil it, but it's a mystery thriller revolving around a killer with DID. I don't really know how accurate the portrayal is, but as you can imagine from such a plot, it's probably somewhat exaggerated...

I really love the series United States of Tara. It's a Diablo Cody show, and all of the episodes are on Netflix. It dramatises a lot of what she (Tara) goes through, but I've not heard anything really negative about the portrayal. Check it out if you're interested I guess.

Not that I've noticed. I did an experiment this morning, and I've realized that we all have different handwriting styles.

Ren and I have the same taste in music, but he pays more attention to the lyrics, I pay more attention to the music. This actually ties into our songwriting styles. The songs that Ren wrote have better wordplay, while the songs that I'm currently writing are more evolved musically. I'm also a better singer than him. I can hit the notes of the songs he wrote better than he can.

I really like your username! Question: can you ever 'switch' yourself into a personality without it fully taking control? So you can utilise aspects of that personality that might be helpful in that situation?

I find it very interesting that the personalities have distinct physical qualities in some ways, like you said that Ren is a worse singer than you, and that they have different voices.

I can force a switch, but they take full control until I get my body back.

For instance, there was a kid from school who was at the park by my house. I decided to walk there to spend some time alone, and the prick decided to try and talk shit about me. I got angry, but I'm not a violent person. Thank goodness that Logic is not. I asked Logic for some help. I like blacked out, but next thing I know, the kid is on the ground and I have a fist raised above his face. I guess my complete obliviousness to the situation freaked him out even more. I ran away, afraid that he would retaliate, but the next day at school, guess who wasn't being called a 'he-she' anymore? ;)

Also, I'm glad you like my username. It's born out of a personal inside joke. So I guess, somewhat relevant to this subject matter.

Both, I suppose. I've only been on the drugs for two weeks now, but I'm feeling the effects. I'm on an antidepressant, so Ren (my depressive personality) is not trying to talk to me. I'm also on an antipsychotic, so they talk to me less now of their own accord. I have to seek them out, and even then, their voices come in slightly muffled. And I feel a zap in my head when I try to talk to them.

I imagine Logic may not be the kind to, but do you and your alters ever admit responsibility towards something they've done, good or bad? Even if it was during a blackout, and you technically can't remember?

Do you feel responsible towards them for things you do, and they towards you, or each other?

Not really. I can usually figure it out by who I last called to come take the reigns. Other than that, it's an absent memory or I was mentally present during it, so I'm perfectly aware that they did it. I can ask them, but usually they just ignore me until I switch topics, or I can tell that they're lying.

I don't feel responsible towards them. It's my body, I shouldn't have to justify any of my choices to them. We're roommates, but I pay the rent. Ren's the only one that shows sympathy and doesn't do self-destructive things when he's in control. As much body dysmorphia as he feels, he keeps up my appearance of being a girl, and doesn't make me come out, even when I've personally let him know that I don't care.

Raquel likes to take drugs and promise sex to people (promises that I've been able to deflect and break until recently), and Logic used to make me scratch until I bled. That's why I have scars all over my skin, and he said it would've been worse if he could've found a razor. Dude's scary.

This is really bad, but I want to be honest about something. I think DID is fascinating and I actually did a lot of personal research about it at one point because I thought it was so interesting. That being said, I still can't shake the feeling that it's not real. It seems so made up to me. I really do believe you, but it's hard to imagine that something like this is real.

I don't want to call you a liar, but I'm sure you get feelings like this from people a lot. How do you handle those situations when people think you're lying? Did you have problems with your friends/ family with this?

My grandmother thought I was lying about everything until I finally ended up in an asylum.

I can understand your apprehension. Really, I think that you feel that way because it's a really confusing disorder, it can be mistaken for a host of other things, and that there's been a lot of cases where it's been faked.

I tried to be as open as possible in this AMA in order to not seem like a fraud, but I can understand if you still have some reservations.

A person's reality is nothing more than their own perception. Consider this: You're a vegan now. You fervently believe that eating meat is the same a murdering a fellow human. You see someone who does not share this belief, and you cannot for the life of you understand how a person could be so cruel and so wrong about such a basic aspect of life. How can you commit murder/cannibalism every single day?

DID may be just the same. Whether there is actually a chemical imbalance or some sort of structural misconfiguration in the brain behind it, DID is still a reality to whoever is experiencing it. It is their fervent belief and understanding that these additional identities are 'real' and cannot simply be forgotten.

I agree that the entire concept sounds fictional - almost cartoonish. But people have faith in their own perception and faith is an extraordinarily difficult thing to break.

You are being downvoted. But I read just two days ago in the book Saving Normal that DID is something that is extremely rare. The author, who was largely in charge of writing the DSM-IV, says he's not sure it really exists.

The DSM-IV was one of the standard books for diagnosing mental conditions. It was updated to DSM-5.

Mind you, I'm not saying that it can't or doesn't exist. There are some truly puzzling mental health conditions that happen. (One guy, with brain injury, was unable to talk to his parents when they are in the room. But if they leave and call him on a phone, he acts almost fully normally.)

I fully agree with you. It is very likely a thing, but probably not at the level that it is currently diagnosed. At one point it was almost a fad diagnosis if you will and because it was fairly prevalent in popular culture, you had a lot of mass hysteria and people who essentially have it to themselves. It's probably diagnosed too much still today and it's an easy blanket diagnosis for possible, more serious, underlying issues.

Some quick googling showed that they're also something like imaginary friends? I guess it's somewhat similar to DID. At least, I thought my alters were imaginary friends at first. But you can't really force DID, though you can fake it. And the alters not only talk to you, but they can take over you.

All in all, I think the similarities end at the person thing living in their head and talking to them part.

I first became aware about three years ago, but at the time, I thought I was talking to God. I was extremely lonely, depressed, and had a lot of unresolved anger as the result of bullying. I was planning to kill myself. Then, Logic took off his mask, laughed at my contemplation of suicide and I knew I wasn't the only person living in my head.

I became aware of the others as I continued to go through life, up to this point.

One alter did threaten me with hallucinations and that he would make me hurt myself and people dear to me. I did still go to a therapist at the time, but I lied about him to her. Eventually, his oppression got unbearable, and I realized that his threats probably had no standing, and told anyway. I was correct, but he just resolved to calling me names and making me feel terrible about myself.

Perhaps one of her alters are preventing her from getting help. Perhaps one of her alters are taking place as the host right now, and they don't have a particularly close relationship with you. I can't really say, especially since I don't know your niece.

Continue supporting her, though, and just try to be present in her life. Pay attention to her, just in case she gets suicidal ideation. That tends to be common in people with DID. I can't give advice further than that.

So who is answering the questions in this AMA? Just "you", or have other personalities answered some?

Do you think there are any personalities you aren't aware of in there? Do you ever have moments where you lose track of time and none of your alters are aware of why? Would your alters potentially know and tell you if this happened?

I think it's just me, right now. RegularParadox, at your service. I could get my alters to answer some if people wanted, but it might seem sorta hammy. Like I was faking it.

There might be personalities I'm not aware of. I only really acknowledge the ones that choose to talk to me, but my (not close) relatives say that I tend to exhibit a different personality when I'm around them. Hyperactive with a childish voice. I don't know any alters who are like that, and I haven't taken the time to ask the others about it, either. If there's another me who is like that, they'll reveal themselves with time, I guess.

Okay well... First I guess, who am I talking to? What do you think of the other personalities? Are there some that you get along better with, or like better than others? Are you the same age as RegularParadox? What do you like doing for fun?

You're currently speaking to RegularParadox, but I assumed you wanted another personality to answer. I'll get Ren to do it.

Ren:

You're talking to me, Ren, now. I think that Logic's an asshole, but he's my brother, so I have to deal with him. Raquel's pretty awesome, though she's sorta slutty. She gives good advice, though I don't use it most of the time. I'm older than "RegularParadox." She's 15, I'm 16. For fun, I like writing poetry and playing guitar.

So then, for me and the other questions directed at Ren and the others, did you just kinda ask them to answer them for you? Or like, did they want to on their own? Idk, I'm really fascinated by this. Hope I'm not being too intrusive :P

I guess I'll get them to go one by one, but I will stick to the personalities that control me most often.

Ren:

I'm 16 years old. She's my best friend, but I guess you can attribute that to the fact that we know each others' thoughts. I tend to be the most dominant personality, other than her. I guess I'm most present. She puts me in when she's unsure about something. Like her new school, I've mostly been present there because she can't handle the stress of moving. I can't handle the stress of people. I don't believe in God. I take pride in my music, but I think "RegularParadox" would reply the same. Can I just call her S? It's closer to her real name and RegularParadox is stupid.

Logic:

I'm eternal. I think she's a stupid bitch. She's weak, and I wish she would've succeeded in killing herself years ago. Even if I wouldn't be here now. I'm the most dominant personality, the rest are scared of me. I don't believe in God. I take pride in my ability to hurt people. I'm not just an angry person, I just like making people hurt.

Raquel:

I'm 18 years old. I think S has a good head on her shoulders, and she doesn't believe in herself enough. I'd date her myself, if that wasn't a really narcissistic thing to do. My brother is present most often, but I bet Logic wants to think that he's the most dominant. He's just the most assholeish. I believe in a God, but I never really think about it. I take pride in my ability to socialize. It seems like such a small thing, but if you saw Ren or S's social skills, you'd think that I was a casanova. Logic doesn't say hi to people, he just likes to punch them in the face.

And this is RegularParadox again. That gave me a weird sort of headache, like there was pressure in the front of my brain. My sister just asked me why my eyes glazed over, and I'm not sure I want to do that again. I might break something.

After reading through your responses, I think my question was answered.
I was wondering if you actually black out, or if you just don't have control and can watch and observe how someone else controls you.

I have DID and PTSD as well, I just don't ever feel like I fit in with communities that are supportive because I don't black out, it's kind of like sharing one body with five people for me though since I know what's going on 90% of the time, even when I'm busy with something else.

You probably feel like a bug under a microscope with all these questions coming at you, but thank you so much for doing this AMA! It's extremely interesting and very insightful.

So what do your other personalities think of you opening up, both through this AMA and through your recent treatments? Do they know? Have they ever gotten in the way of your pursuing treatment or trying to share your struggles with anyone?

I'm so sorry you (or anyone for that matter) have to deal with this, and I'm glad to hear your treatments seem to be helping :)

They're aware, and they have no problem with it, as far as I know. Just as long as I don't say anything particularly damning.

One, Logic, did get in the way of me pursuing treatment when he first came on the scene. He threatened me with making me hallucinate more often, scarier voices, and that he would make me hurt myself and my family. Eventually, I learned that his threats had no standing, and I opened up more to my therapist at the time. Unfortunately, she couldn't help me.

Have you heard of, or undergone EMDR therapy? I've got a lot of PTSD and it's amazing. The only other thing I've found that comes close to tapping the subconscious like that is intense mediation in a center where I don't speak or do anything but meditate, eat, and sleep for weeks.

And have you seen the movie One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest? It's supposed to depict the mental hospital environment very accurately. I have a BA in psychology and have spent time volunteering at my local psych hospital, and the movie was pretty darn accurate, even 30 years after it was made.

Sorry to intruded, I just wanted to say that I thought EMDR therapy was bullshit and stupid, but I tried it anyway since I really could only get better from trying, and I was surprised by how it did work, it was really subtle, but it did help a lot.

It's really difficult to make friends, but I've kept the same couple for the past couple of years. They're really supportive, but they don't know about my DID. They just know that I have a quirk that makes me appear to be a different person every once in a while.

It's like we're roommates in a house, they're trying to be control freaks, yet I'm the only one who pays rent. So, in some ways it's an intrusion, but in others, we work like a cohesive system. I've lived with these guys so long, that I don't know how I'd function without them. They give me new perspectives on how to look at things. They're always there if I need them to listen. If I'm dealing with something stressful, I can have them stand in and live through my day while I stand to the side and figure stuff out. They're a hassle, but they can be useful. Like pants.

If I didn't completely answer your question, you can PM me. I'm sorta exhausted and your questions were sort of vague.

Do you black out when another alter takes over? What does it feel like to be pushed aside by one? Do they think they're real people? I don't know of that's derogatory or not. Do they fight over who gets to be in control? Can you watch when another alter is in control from the sidelines? What does it feel like to have someone else controlling your body? How confusing can it get with all those people having their independent thoughts and feelings about what is, essentially, your life? It is difficult to keep up relationships, romantic or otherwise? Do any of your alters love any one in real life that you dont? Is it an obvious change when you switch alters? How did your family/fiends react?

I know that's a lot and I'm late to the party. Thank you for doing this AMA though, it's fascinating.

It's cool, and you're welcome. I like being interrogated by people. :)

I used to black out often, but I don't much anymore, unless I explicitly ask them to make me.

The feeling varies depending on how much control I'm handing over. If I want them to have full control, yet I sit back and watch, then the transition is pretty seamless. I can feel my heartrate increase, and I blink and suddenly it's like I have tunnel vision. If I want an alter to sit up with me, but I remain in control, I get a splitting headache. Sometimes they do it without my permission, and I can feel when an alter is listening in on my conversation when I get that headache.

They understand that they're not 'real people' in the traditional sense, but they believe that they exist as entities. I believe that they exist, too, but sometimes I go in denial. They go quiet for a while, and I begin to think it was all one big hallucination, but then Ren pops in to say hi.

They don't typically fight over who gets to be in control, but they do argue sometimes. And I can watch when another alter is in control.

When they're in control and I'm conscious for it, it feels like I'm half asleep. Like my vision is foggy and I can't tell if I'm currently in reality or in a dream. It gets annoying when I want one of them to take over for school, but I have a test that day that I want to be present for.

It hasn't been very confusing lately as I've been working with my therapist with figuring which emotions are my emotions and which belong to my alters. It used to be pretty confusing, as I'd be having a bunch of conflicted feelings about something, and I wouldn't find out who was feeling apprehension and who was feeling excitement until I sat all of my alters out for a meeting and told them to tell me their feelings.

It's difficult to make new relationships and keep them. I tend to act too unpredictably for most people, so it's hard to make new friends. I am, or rather my alters make me be, sociable and funny one day and cold and harshly sarcastic the next.

As for the alters loving someone in real life that I didn't, I actually had a scenario like that recently. One of my alters, Ren, was really into a girl that he liked. Like creepily, obsessively into. I just wanted to be friends with her, as I'm asexual. But he begged me to let him court her. The "acting unpredictably" thing happened again, and we ended up scaring the girl away. So yeah, it happens.

It's not very obvious unless you know me really well, and you know that I have alters at all. When I let my alters take over for public purposes, my body takes on their mannerisms, but nothing really noticeable unless you're really paying attention. My walk changes and my tone of voice changes slightly. When they take over for a private situation, like the other day I let my therapist meet one of my alters, then I change a lot. My mannerisms change: the way I stand, sit, walk, my tone of voice changes. The vocabulary I use. My body language. My therapist said she could tell when my alter walked into her office that day, because I dressed like me, but acted like a completely different person.

My friends are supportive. My family isn't that supportive. My mom doesn't fully understand, and she thinks that I'm exaggerating. My grandma thinks that I've been faking it all for the past three years. My dad doesn't know about my diagnosis yet, but I'm betting that he'll be in denial about it like he was about my depression.