Frankly, it’s not that much more ridiculous than a lot of the stuff on I’ve written on twitter before.

Social media is hard as shit right now because everyone is mad and I get it. There are small reprieves like the Biden memes and otter videos, but mostly it feels a bit scary to writing anything on twitter and Facebook and that’s why today I decided to use YES,THAT CAN BE MY NEXT TWEET to let that website decide what I would probably say today based on my history. Here are a few of the suggestions that YES THAT CAN BE MY NEXT TWEET gave me to share, and they were incredibly ridiculous and also embarrassingly accurate sometimes.

Not entirely out of character, if I’m being honest.

Let’s try again.

Okay.

Hmm.

TOTALLY. Wait, no. Is this sexual?

I like that there’s a question mark. Like I’m sort of sure it’s flammable but I’m giving it the benefit of the doubt.

Seems like I’m just under-reacting at this point.

So maybe the question marks were too optimistic. Sorry. I’m hiding under the idea of the future.

Seems like a good idea if everything is on fire.

A few other tweet suggestions it gave me:

I SMELL LIKE I WAS JUST GROWLED AT.

TODAY IS CANCELLED AND FULL OF HOT GOAT HAIR.

THIS IS THE WORST POTPOURRI.

WE NEED A SACRIFICE TO MAKE THINGS WORSE.

I HAVE RUINED MY PROBLEMS.

HEY, SORRY I HAVE CARPET BURNS. ALTHOUGH TECHNICALLY WE ALL PAINTED PART OF THOSE GENITALS.

To be fair, if you smell like you were just growled at, you probably would not be very good potpourri.
I got, “Let’s love pecans too. You are essential right now. art, music, and then watching some art. Thanks for.” But… but I’m allergic to nuts. ;_;

I can’t even expect our summer camp and learn from T voters that kind of Hillbilly Elegy just bad at the!
Makes total sense with my mindset right now. And I am blocking most social media for my own mental health.

“I want to avoid the women. Well, he say this conversation ever took a friend’s re-Tweet has been totally?” That makes no fucking sense. Apparently the interwebz think I’m incoherent. Which is true but only sometimes.

Oh, heavens. I got: “Bacon. I immediately expect the best seat in the truth, I MUST know what world does 7.75miles translate?” I’m not sure what I’m sitting at or what I’m translating miles to, but BACON. Bacon makes everything better.

This is my new favorite distracty site. Expressing the full range of social media emotions…
1. excitement… “Twins!!! LOVE this!! Its awesome out. Okay, now I’m super excited… basically because I’m super!”
2. cynicism: “Good night from Drat. Maybe someday we’ll get to die horribly.”
3. random weirdness: “We have NEVER forgotten the real things. My dog just fell asleep chewing on the sun!”
Really not that far off from stuff I actually post.

I’m all over the Biden memes. It’s very little brother/big brother and funny as hell. My favorite was Biden telling Obama that he put cocktail shrimp in the hems of all the curtains. “No, Joe.”
Maybe today will be the first day since election night that I won’t cry.thinking
More than once.

I read “Hiding under the idea of the future.” as
“Hiding under the idea of furniture.”
Which seemed like it quite accurately described my existential angst over the past week.
As always, thank you for the giggles.
Might have to start saying “WHAT THE FACE!”

Some of the best ones I got:
– Not wearing my calendar for this. It’s so EAT THAT MONDAY!
– Leave to say some good shit. CAN’T WAIT!!!
– Family movie! @ Rave Cinemas Dayton South 16 – I’m drinking.
– I have a Fiona Apple – are SPAMMING THE SHIT OUT ME! If you just need more coffee. Or period. Watching.
– BAD Laffy Taffy Joke: Why did that incriminates his behalf for 19?
– HI TWITTER!!!!! I deliver. Then it’s sinus.
– I want a pancake flipping machine!
– I’m mentally crowning right now.

I’ve found my exam your honest criticism of twixy goodness right under their sky fairy bread…best study! –sounds like I’ve been at the sugar and books too hard and someone handed me my phone…this needs to be a android!

Holy shit! These are fantastic :-). I particularly like “We need a sacrifice to make things worse,” (nicely sarcastic for a robot tweet generator) and “I have ruined my problems” (I guess that means technically you’re winning, right?). I definitely want to use “Today is cancelled and full of goat hair” the next time I don’t feel like going out. It would make a great emergency sign for a shop or public building.

It’s disturbing how many of those I wouldn’t be surprised to see…
“WE NEED A SACRIFICE TO MAKE THINGS WORSE.” should be the title of your next book.
“DUCKS. MOTHERFUCKER.” <<<Next anniversary present?

Mine:
“It’s like havinf crucial information/bullet points pasted on the illustration ideas/WIPs list….? Uh.” OK that seems very me, including the awkward typo…
“Only the proceeds will actually feel you CAN’T CONCENTRATE ON WORK, GODDAMMIT AMERICA! Heh I shouldn’t!” ….Yes.
“Music for a joke… I CAN SAVE YOU, GIVE ME THE SALMON! Wait how can …Lianne, no….. My power bank!” …What is going on in there?
“I don’t think I’ve been trying to anyone just pretends to be stopped by $$ or just pretends to have some!” I feel that is surprisingly deep….

Congratulations! You may already be a wiener! (You know, like those letters we get that get us all excited because the people who sent you the letter are mostly, absolutely, almost certainly sure you could be that one person in 5,289,387,999,001 who will actually get one of the prizes.)

LOL! Considering that I tweet in English and Spanish, this is a bit confusing:
“Too cool… Photographs of destruction. tenemos esperanzas entonces de las elecciones. Qué dias abren?” (Rough translation: We have hope about elections, then. Which days are they open?).

P.S.: This is about elections in Venezuela, my home country. May or may not apply to the USA.

Feeling compelled to try this link for myself, I quickly realize my tweets are congealed messes when combined together and I use too many emojis.[sheepish grin]
ex. “Yes! I blame you in comments earlier. Too excited. ;D Srsly, hope it’s lots of syrup ;D Cool Patrol -!” “Got time hunting for upcoming S4 FNAF sis. location! ;D just won’t listen! ; fun gameplay for the street?” and a lot of talk of The Sims, like “Yep, because I’m driving here! ;P girl, the Lord for sounding like James Turner aka lilsimsie she has.” (which is an oddly funny mash-up if one gets the references, otherwise it’s just weird AF. ha-ha).

I want to thank you from the bottom of my newly-cheered heart for posting “Today is cancelled and full of hot goat hair.” I just laughed to the point of whooping for a solid minute and a half at that and I am actually going to adopt this phrase in real life.

My own results are a bit more dada –

We should check out of my father, like this. I was elected. I will be true any more. Here’s more. Here’s!
If you are purple Skittles? Yeah, you’re not get a coke hit?….

‘ Are we heard from space. good eggs.

God, why Gen-Xers are up all the same thing.
My family’s been funnier. NO NO NO DON’T JINX THIS!

I laughed the hardest at: SMELLS LIKE THEY’RE BALD DOWN THERE, RIGHT?
It made me think of the gym.
Today is the first (and likely the only) time I’ve ever been sad that I don’t use Twitter because I would have loved to get one of those word scrambles of my very own.

“VICTOR FUCKED SHIT UP IN THE DEMON. MAKE TINY MERKINS INSTEAD.” Love it! These are all very funny, but this one is somehow just… The images it brings to mind. Wow.
Hey, Jenny, where else can I buy your first book (cd) besides Amazon? I’m looking for the cd version but on Amazon the cheapest is $75.

Rolling with laughter! Thank you for this, Jenny. Social media is terrifying and maddening these days.
On an unrelated note, I joined one of those Facebook gift exchange things where you send a gift to a stranger, except this was a book exchange. I just ordered your first book and sent it to someone I don’t know. I hope she loves it as much as I do.

Seriously? Twitter is so hard that it needs to be outsourced to a random generator? …on the other hand, it is wittier than most tweets by actual people. Which is sad. So thank you, I am now sad for a better reason than I was on November 9.

Thank you! I got these:
“Wow – I got permission to make parts files for every tweet or retweet using the power of hermit crab.”
“Happy – lots of audiobook by Neil Gaiman – heh the character tweets : Wow – – – you weigh a database.”
“You’re a chorus! Who can resist a Tesla owner test driving a little old lady who are supposed to shut up?”

Jenny, I love you more than words can say. Whenever I need something to cheer me up and make me laugh like an idiot I know you will be there for me. And lord knows I need a good laugh right now.
Some of mine:
-This country is a weird mutation.
-Tumors are shooting off fireworks. Not enough time last night at all.
-I got some pikachu ears I want to cook with. Theyre better as decorations than food.
My husband’s:
-See, thats bullshit. This is appropriate now. Coffee wasteland.
-Surprise! You have no fucks… My day has trouble rendering.
-Hah! Yes, fun stuff for saying stupid shit. Just drink.

H8 on New customers get $20 off! Use code: WEEKENDSIT20 Need a hygiene emergency. Also OOS most.

H8 was not intended as the internet slang, but it really works! Also, that’s a valid Rover discount code, feel free to use (works with any sitter and I get no credit for you using it, but I like to help people out). 🙂