Halloween 2008

It was another fun Halloween at Nor-Tech. Although only a few employees dressed up in costumes this year, the annual Trick or Treat march by the kids in the company Day Care was a smashing success. I planned on taking a picture or two of the kids walking in my office, but I didn’t think it was appropriate because when one of the little girls saw my mask she suddenly burst out in tears because it was so scary! At that point, I knew the mask was well worth the four bucks I paid for it at Walgreens!

Sadly, Nick wasn’t allowed to wear a costume this year because he’s currently on a prison release program. His crime? Impersonating a 4th grader. You see, on Monday, a group of us us took a co-worker out to lunch for his birthday. While at the restaurant, I apparently sat on a piece of chocolate which stained my pants in a quite inopportune place. So for the rest of the week, I had to hear Nick cackle with glee that I pooped my pants. He’s very clever with his cat calls and nursery rhymes entitled “Oopsie Poopsie.” But I have a plan to pay him back this week. When we’re at recess together I’m going to kick his ass in both Four Square and Tetherball! That will teach him a lesson!

On Halloween night, Miss Sheri and I geared up for a long, exciting night of Trick or Treating with the boys! I was pleasantly surprised to see my wife’s Cattitude for the evening. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I think she has the cutest bushy tail in town!

Luke and Avery both decided they wanted to be their favorite movie character this Halloween. I told them they should create a new movie and call it Twindiana Jones, but they didn’t seem to think this was a good idea.

After we did a little bit of trick or treating around our house, we were joined by our neighbor and his little girl. We had a lot of fun together! We were also lucky that he decided to wear his extra reflective jacket. Cars were avoiding us for miles!

Although the picture doesn’t do it justice, I thought this neighbor had the spookiest display with a set of scary eyes staring at us from an upstairs window. They say if you stare at it long enough, eventually a body will come flying out through the window and smash to the ground below. We didn’t want to stick around and see that, though.

Along our Trick or Treating route, we just had to stop by and see Grandma Linda and George to get some good candy from them. We couldn’t stick around for long, though, because Grandma had planned a long night of smashing pumpkins and toilet papering the neighbor’s houses. We didn’t want to hold them up from their fun!

On Saturday morning, Miss Sheri had to take Luke to the doctor, so Avery, Sunny, and I decided to have a little Bro Time. Since he so excited to go swimming, Sunny was in no mood to pose for pictures. Moments after this photo was taken, he broke free from Avery’s grasp and jumped up on me causing me to drop the digital camera 5 feet smashing on the cement below. Some how, it survived the fall otherwise this week’s update would have been short a couple of pictures!

Although it was about 40 degrees outside and the water couldn’t have been much warmer, Sunny dived in with glee! We used to throw sticks in the water for him, but he was never bright enough to bring them all the way to shore. So now we throw rocks and he sprints after them both ways. He never actually gets to grab them because they sink to the bottom. That fact doesn’t damper his enthusiasm. He just lives for the chase!

“The man who can drive himself further once the effort gets painful is the man who will win.”

– Roger Bannister, runner

Jokes of the Week

Children writing about the sea:

If you are surrounded by sea you are an island. If you don’t have sea all round you, you are incontinent..

(Wayne age 7)

Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson she’s not my friend no more.

(Kylie age 6)

A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head.

(Billy age 8)

My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs.

(Millie age 6)

When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn’t blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans.

(William age 7)

I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. and how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really?

(Helen age 6)

I’m not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is alwaysscreaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can’t think what to write.

(Amy age 6)

Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers.

(Christopher age 7)

When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small.

(Kevin age 6)

Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can’t go down alone, so they have to go down on each other.

(Becky age 8)

On holidays my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won’t do it again because water fired right up her fat ass.

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat and was for distribution of all wealth.

She felt deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, which she expressed openly. One day she was challenging her father on his beliefs and his opposition to higher taxes on the rich & the addition of more government welfare programs. Based on the lectures that she had participated in and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that for years her father had obviously harbored an evil, even selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.

The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father.

He stopped her and asked her point blank, how she was doing in school. She answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain. That she studied all the time, never had time to go out and party like other people she knew.

She didn’t even have time for a boyfriend and didn’t really have many college friends because of spending all her time studying because she felt that she was taking a more difficult curriculum.

Her father listened and then asked, “How is your good friend Mary doing?”

She replied, “Mary is barely getting by.” She continued, “She barely has a 2.0 GPA,” adding, “and all she takes are easy classes and she never studies. But Mary is so very popular on campus, college for her is a blast, she goes to all the parties all the time and very often doesn’t even show up for classes because she is too hung over.”

Her father then asked his daughter, “Why don’t you go to the Dean’s office and ask him to deduct a 1.0 of f your 4.0 GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0.” He continued, “That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.”

The daughter visibly shocked by her father’s suggestion angrily fired back, “That wouldn’t be fair! I worked really hard for mine, I did without and Mary has done little or nothing, she played while I worked real hard!”

The father slowly smiled, winked and said, “Welcome to the Republican Party!