And Sat Down Beside Her ...

Today I had some meetings in the morning, but since I have so much work to
do, I figured that I would head home (as I get so much more work down in my
distractionless den than at the office). My wife wanted me to pick up some
stuff at the grocery store, but when I was actually at the store, she was
no where around to give me the details … so this is a long story just to
say that I decided to take a long needed coffee break.

But instead of going to closer St*rbucks (there seems to be one on every
corner here in Portland), I decided to go the extra half-block to the local
Ugly Mug instead.

Being the rare nice day, I parked myself in one of the ugly chairs outside
with my … well, ugly mug (both of them to be exact). It was then that I
noticed a very large spider had also decided to enjoy the nice day and had
parked himself beforehand next to my seat … just above the table.

I like the bugs that spiders eat far less than the spiders, so I generally
give them their space … but a large spider a foot away from my face
brought some sort of primordial urges to fear, loathe, and kill this
spider.

But I tried to calm myself down saying that he wasn't bothering me, as he
was just perched on his web with no ill intentions towards me or my ugly
mug that was only 11 inches away from those eight legs.

Alright, I'm being a bit melodramatic. Kinda.

But it got me thinking why … why hasn't anyone who sat here earlier
killed this beast? Surely my primeval feelings are shared by others of my
species. And by the way my fellow beings drive around me shouting
obscenities, it is clear that while I may be in control of my baser
instincts, others of my kind are not. Why didn't someone beat me to the
deed?

But I also got to thinking that if I could, I would actually build webs for
large spiders in such a way that I wouldn't run into them. Then
they would pick up each of those annoying gnats and mosquitos
from my yard. In this case, spiders really should be pets … cherished
like the family dog or iguana.

In fact, I was thinking the owner of the Ugly Mug should put a little sign
on its web that says, "I'm the Store's Pet … Don't swat me." It would be
good for business … wouldn't it?