Guy Fieri: the unwitting poet laureate of the bar and grill

The food blog, Eater, unveiled the menu for Guy Fieri’s Vegas Kitchen &Bar earlier this month, and it is chockablock with “wow-sabi cream,” “gnarly Greek salad,” and “Guy’s famous donkey sauce.” It’s also chockablock with exclamation points: 21 of them, by my count, starting with the very first item on the menu. (Sashimi Won-Tacos are allegedly “Everyone’s fave ‘cuz they’re wicked tasty!”)

But would Fieri’s menu sound quite as jocular without all those excitable punctuation marks? When I started taking the exclamation points out, I discovered that some of Fieri’s descriptions of greasy bar food convey a powerful poignancy.

The following poem is comprised of 10 of the exclamations from the Guy Fieri’s Vegas Kitchen &Bar menu. The sentences have been copied verbatim, except that their exclamation points have been replaced with other punctuation. I call it “Ode on a Gnarly Greek Salad.”

Ode on a Gnarly Greek Salad, By Guy Fieri

Truffle, truffle + more truffle,

Love, peace &taco grease.

They might not end the world, but they’ll end your hunger.

We have built this salad in a crown of prosciutto-wrapped smoked provolone:

Go big or go home.

All our richly marbled 100% USDA choice ground beef is smash-grilled

Try Guy’s blue-sabi sauce to put out the fire.

We make these wings a flavorful phenomenon with a sweet + spicy sauce that