Protesters Berate Penn Students for Sinful Behavior

Penn’s College Green was rocked on Thursday with the arrival of two devout men who protested the sinfulness of college culture.

Preacher Aiden and Brother Jackson arrived around midday and maintained a sizeable crowd until their protest ended shortly after 5pm. The number of student onlookers reached several hundred in the late afternoon.

The demonstration meant to expose the sins of groups such as homosexuals, Muslims, women, Jews, smokers, Catholics, and adulterers among others, ultimately culminating in the preacher’s passing judgement on individuals that were deemed to be going to the “lake of fire”.

When asked why they were protesting, Brother Jackson shouted, “To get you to turn from your sin.”

While the effort to open students’ eyes to their sinful ways drew much attention, nearly all of that attention was negative.

The protest was regularly interrupted by heckling and student demonstration. In an effort to combat the lure of the spectacle, LGBT protestors gathered on College Green with make-shift signs to challenge the religiously fueled pair and deprive them of the attention being sought. Student’s paraded rainbow flags and signs that read “Butt Sex = Heaven”. Condoms were periodically thrown toward the demonstrators.

While the counter-protest held strong, all attention was on the preachings of the two men. The speeches from the pastors referenced several members of today’s pop culture scene. It was proclaimed that Amy Winehouse, Michael Jackson, Elvis’ hips, and Bob Marley were all in hell and that Beyoncé will be joining them.

Justin Bieber was also referred to as a “transsexual” that was “born a female”.

Despite receiving boos in response to a majority of the remarks made, the largest clamors occurred when Brother Jackson shouted “Vote for Trump” and Preacher Aiden remarked that Trump was the lesser of two evils and would be getting his vote.

The visit to Penn was the latest stop in a tour of colleges which also included Philadelphia’s Temple University.

The group’s advertised website, PeaceFinally.com is an unregistered domain.

Members of the Penn Police Department did not offer opinion on the protest, rather, they expressed concerns for everyone’s safety. One officer commented, “We’re just here to make sure no one gets hurt.”