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Tuesday, May 1, 2012

So its been a good long while since I've posted. Yeah, yeah, I know a little bit of the sparkle has been missing from each of your lives without my rapier wit making your day every time I posted. Well, I've decided to get back in the blogging game. A bit. Well, we'll see. For sure this week, because Friday is Star Wars day, and I need to make sure you are all ready to see the awesomeness that is going to be my cupcakes this year. You probably remember the Darth Vader cupcakes of 2010 and the Princess Leia cupcakes of 2011. These ones are going to be of comparable awesomeness. Just you wait.

Right now I'm totally multi-tasking. I'm blogging and watching Grey's Anatomy. Why did no one tell me about this show sooner!? I'm totally hooked. My roommates were watching the current season, and it looked interesting. Then I found out that all of the seasons but the most recent one were on Netflix. The rest is totally history. I've been multi-tasking all throughout my TV watching, so I have lots of cool things to show you. A Death Star quilt, blocks from the Hobbit quilt-along, and more! I'll get around to writing posts about each of these awesome things eventually, so you can partake in the awesomeness.

In the mean time, I thought I'd share a bit about why I've dropped off a bit. There are a lot of reasons but the main one is that I've started suffering from depression as about a year ago. Now, don't worry too much... my health is good and my roommates are awesome. One of my roommates has been through a whole mess of depression-related stuff, so she's helped talk me through a bunch of things, and directed me to a great doctor. He started me on Zoloft, and I think that has helped some. True, it makes me more tired, and I gained 20 pounds the first few months after I started taking it, but I consider the side effects worth it if it helps my brain be less wonky. I've also decided to try therapy. I have an appointment this week. I'll let you know what I think. I'm pretty sure that having someone whose job it is to listen to me vent is going to be great.

I do have to say that I really really really appreciate the several people out there that have been so open about their own journey with depression. They were useful to me, so I thought I'd share them with you.

Allie at Hyperbole and a Half wrote a post called "Adventures in Depression." This pretty accurately describes how I feel sometimes. I don't really have a reason to be depressed, but I can't make myself do what I used to do. It's a struggle to get out of bed some days. And when I do, sometimes I just sit at work like a zombie, unable to motivate myself to do any actual work. And then I feel guilty about not actually doing my job. And the guilt makes me more depressed. And then I just cycle down the drain. This isn't consistent, but this kind of thing isn't uncommon in my life these days. Anyways, thanks to Allie for sharing this and making me feel like less of a worthless freak.

One of my favorite movie critics, Eric D. Snider, used to write a column for the Daily Universe at BYU called Snide Remarks. I first fell in like with his humor my freshman year way back in 1998. Did I mention that he was one of the founding members of the Garren's comedy troupe? Yeah. This guy is pretty funny. And he's the big brother (well, older brother) of one of my most favorite-ist home teachers of all time. So this guy kinda feels like family. You can read his columns from the beginning here, but the one that is really relevant to this situation he called "the Great Depression." My depression isn't to the level that his is, but I really relate with many of the things that he said. Thanks to Eric for sharing this and making me feel like less of a worthless freak.

I discovered Jenny Lawson, also known as The Bloggess. As of this month, she's a New York Times Bestselling Authoress. Fair warning, though... she swears like a sailor and is not shy about saying exactly what is on her mind. I bought her book, and totally loved it. I even got a signed book plaque by being one of the first few thousand pre-orders of the book. I connect with a lot of what she says, but I wouldn't recommend her particular way of viewing the world to all of you. Some of you, yes, but not all of you. If you read her stuff, be prepared for a lot of profanity and fairly twisted stuff. Like squirrel carcass hand puppets. And her stuff is sometimes somewhat offensive. Depending on how easily offended you are. Anyways... she is very open about her struggles with depression and social anxiety, etc. She has written several posts about her struggles, but her most recent post about depression is actually a video called "Depression Lies." Thanks to Jenny for sharing this and making me feel like less of a worthless freak.

I'm not sharing this so you will worry about me. I know that the handful of people that actually read this blog are all people that love me and care about me deeply. I don't want you to worry. I'm in a safe place, physically, and am working hard on getting my brain healthy as well. I have good support around me and I have good professionals to turn to. I just wanted to make public that I am struggling.... and that struggle is pretty normal... and that brains sometimes get screwed up just like any other organ can get screwed up. I just feel grateful to those who have been public with their struggles and decided that it would be good for me to share as well.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

I know, I know... long time no post. I've been a bit crazy and haven't really had the energy to post. Today a friend posted a link to a kind of personality quiz online, and I went ahead and took it. It only took a few minutes, and some of the things the results said were strangely accurate. Since you are probably interested in my life if you read this blog, I thought I'd share. I might share actual details about my actual life sometime, rather than results from a silly test, but hey... this is better than nothing, right?

Your Existing Situation

"Organized and detail-oriented, she has a very precise and methodical
manner. she needs relationships which offer her understanding,
respect, and approval."

Your Stress Sources

"Current problems are seen as dangerous and threatening. she is
angry a the thought she will have to continually put off her own goals
for the time being, leaving her feeling powerless to change things. she
feels used, overwhelmed, and exhausted at the demands placed on her. "

Your Restrained Characteristics

Open and emotionally involved in relationships and easily finds satisfaction through sexual activity.

Giving
more than she is getting back and feels misunderstood and
unappreciated. Feels she is being forced into compromising and even her
close relationships leave her feeling emotional distant.

"Believes
her hopes and dreams are realistic and sticks to them stubbornly, even
though circumstances are forcing her to compromise. Very precise in the
qualities she seeks in a partner."

Open and emotionally involved in relationships and easily finds satisfaction through sexual activity.

"Believes
her hopes and dreams are realistic and sticks to them stubbornly, even
though circumstances are forcing her to compromise. Very precise in the
qualities she seeks in a partner."

Your Desired Objective

Seeks to be known for something she has accomplished and uses her
social abilities to win people over. Emotional and sensitive and
romantic.

Your Actual Problem

"Feeling a lack of energy, she does not wish to be involved in
further activity or give in to demands. she is feeling powerless
causing her stress, agitation, and irritation, all which she tries to
escape by refusing to participate altogether. she tries to escape into a
fantasy world where things go her way and her desires are easier to
reach."

P.S. Yes, yes it did mention the sex thing twice. Kinda funny, seeing as I've had one date in the past 2 years (and no, there was no sex involved on said date).