John's Bad Day And More ... :) Shangy
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
To UnSubscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Group home page:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList
Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an
adult club in the love and romance directory so
you will have to confirm that you are an adult
when you go here. I still have no idea how to change
this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try!
or Web Site:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
Group email address:
ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com
or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press! :)
This too hot to handle one is from our friends Linda and
Del. It is sure to tickle your funny bone! Check it out
here...
_.---,_
.' `'.
\ __..-'\
}-"` \
/__,,..---.._|
\ |
|---..__ |
/ ``"-./
.'---...__ |
.' ``"-./
,--./...,,,__ /
'--.'__ __```.-. /._
/ ` ` ' `=/.-.|-._)
| .-. .-. "\\ /
|| O| | O| ""=='_\
.-' '-'o '-' ""=\`
`''--/- ""=-,\--._
.---|- ( ""=-. \`
\ /`)"=."=|'-.
'. _.-' ' "=|\|
(`----` '="=|/
`-. "=/`
'. =/
\ =|
.-. |` "=|
( ~._ | "==| _.-~`\
\ ~. |'"="| _.-~ )
; ~-.|.-._|_.-~ /
/ _-( /-.__ (
'._..--~~`/`/-'\-._ `~~- ;
jgs /"=| |" =\~-...___.-~
/=" / | "==\
/ = (_ \ "==\
;="= `\_) =="\
All Occasion Cars!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/allcar.html
---
...Wow! Lots of unusual cars! Thanks Linda and Del!
=======================================================
>-->From Our Friend GloriaB :)
[in light of today's Ohio school shooting we share this]
Columbine High School Murdered Student's Father 12 Years Later
Columbine student's father 12 years later
The following is a portion of the transcript:
"Since the dawn of creation, there has been both good and evil in
the hearts of men and women. We all contain the seeds of kindness or
the seeds of violence. The death of my wonderful daughter, Rachel
Joy Scott, and the deaths of that heroic teacher, and the other
eleven children who died must not be in vain. Their blood cries out
for answers.
The first recorded act of violence was when Cain slew his brother
Abel out in the field. The villain was not the club he used. Neither
was it the NCA, the National Club Association. The true killer was
Cain, and the reason for the murder could only be found in Cain's heart.
In the days that followed the Columbine tragedy, I was amazed at how
quickly fingers began to be pointed at groups such as the NRA. I am
not a member of the NRA. I am not a hunter. I do not even own a gun.
I am not here to represent or defend the NRA - because I don't
believe that they are responsible for my daughter's death.
Therefore, I do not believe that they need to be defended. If I
believed they had anything to do with Rachel's murder, I would be
their strongest opponent.
I am here today to declare that Columbine was not just a tragedy --
it was a spiritual event that should be forcing us to look at where
the real blame lies! Much of the blame lies here, in this room. Much
of the blame lies behind the pointing fingers of the accusers,
themselves. I wrote a poem just four nights ago that expresses my
feelings best.
Your laws ignore our deepest needs,
Your words are empty air;
You've stripped away our heritage,
You've outlawed simple prayer.
Now gunshots fill our classrooms,
And precious children die.
You seek for answers everywhere,
And ask the question "Why?"
You regulate restrictive laws,
Through legislative creed.
And yet you fail to understand,
That God is what we need!
"Men and women are three-part beings. We all consist of body, mind,
and spirit. When we refuse to acknowledge a third part of our
make-up, we create a void that allows evil, prejudice, and hatred to
rush in and wreak havoc. Spiritual presences were present within our
educational systems for most of our nation's history. Many of our
major colleges began as theological seminaries. This is a historical
fact. What has happened to us as a nation? We have refused to honor
God, and in so doing, we open the doors to hatred and violence. And
when something as terrible as Columbine's tragedy occurs --
politicians immediately look for a scapegoat such as the NRA. They
immediately seek to pass more restrictive laws that contribute to
erode away our personal and private liberties. We do not need more
restrictive laws. Eric and Dylan would not have been stopped by
metal detectors. No amount of gun laws can stop someone who spends
months planning this type of massacre. The real villain lies within
our own hearts.
As my son Craig lay under that table in the school library and saw
his two friends murdered before his very eyes, he did not hesitate
to pray in school. I defy any law or politician to deny him that
right! I challenge every young person in America and around the
world, to realize that on April 20, 1999, at Columbine High School,
prayer was brought back to our schools. Do not let the many prayers
offered by those students be in vain. Dare to move into the new
millennium with a sacred disregard for legislation that violates
your God-given right to communicate with Him. To those of you who
would point your finger at the NRA -- I give to you a sincere
challenge. Dare to examine your own heart before casting the first
stone! My daughter's death will not be in vain! The young people of
this country will not allow that to happen!" - Darrell Scott
Do what the media did not - - let the nation hear this man's speech.
Please send this out to everyone you can. God Bless
"Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil - it has no point"
---
...A sad reminder and another tragedy today. Thank You GloriaB!
May God bless and help the families of all victims.
========== NOW ON WITH OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED SMILES ============
>-->From The FunnyBone:
\\/////
|6 6|
( _\ | Big John Doesn't Pay!
| = |
|\___/
___/| |__ One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus
/` | '----' |`\ garage, started his bus, and drove off along
/ | | \ the route. No problems for the first few
/~% | ; \ stops. A few people got on, a few got off,
/ /\/ |`\ \ and things went generally well.
\ \ | | / /
`\ \| |/ /` At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a
`\; |/` guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a
(| |) wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground.
|_________| He glared at the driver and said, "Big John
| | | doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.
| | |
|____|__| Did I mention that the driver was five feet
\ | | three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he
| ) ) was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big
/ | | John, but he wasn't happy about it.
|___|__|
\===|==| The next day the same thing happened. Big
/ `-.`-. John got on again, made a show of refusing
jgs \______)__) to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and
the one after that, and so forth. This
grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big
John was taking advantage of him.
.----------------.
Finally he could stand it no |_I_I_I_I_I_I_I_I]___
longer. He signed up for body .::. | _ : ; _ )
building courses, karate, jgs ':::'' ='-(_)----------=-(_)-'
judo, and all that good
stuff. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's
more, he felt really good about himself.
So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and
said, "Big John doesn't pay!," the driver stood up, glared back at
the passenger, and screamed, "And why not?" With a surprised look on
his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a bus pass."
=======================================================
+----------------- Bizarre Book Titles -------------------+
How to Avoid Huge Ships by John W. Trimmer
Scouts in Bondage by Michael Bell
Be Bold with Bananas by Crescent Books
Fancy Coffins to Make Yourself by Dale L. Power
The Flat-Footed Flies of Europe by Peter J. Chandler
101 Uses for an Old Farm Tractor by Michael Dregni
Across Europe by Kangaroo by Joseph R. Barry
101 Super Uses for Tampon Applicators by Lori Katz and
Barbara Meyer
[HowStuffWorks, Inc.]
===========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Jo Ann :)
,'-',
:-----:
(''' , - , ''')
\ ' . , ` /
\ ' ^ ? /
\ ` - ,'
`j_ _,'
,- -`\ \ /f
,- \_\/_/'-
, `,
, ,
/\ \
| / \ ',
, f : :`, ,
Bud the cowboy
A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous
pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him
out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan®
sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy,
"If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd,
will you give me a calf?"
"Sure, why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer,
connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3® cell phone, and surfs to a NASA
page onthe Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact
fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that
scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and
exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany ...
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot® that the image
has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL®
database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his
Blackberry® and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,
miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You
have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with
amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what
your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why
not?"
"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that? ”
"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even
though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already
knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth
of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and
you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or
about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.
Now give me back my dog.
AND THAT FOLKS IS WHAT THE PROBLEM IS ALL ABOUT.
---
...HaHa! Thanks Jo Ann!
======================================================
>-->From Our Friend PatDeE :)
My all time favorite President !
_ _.-'`-._ _
;.'________'.;
_________n.[____________].n_________
|""_""_""_""||==||==||==||""_""_""_""]
|"""""""""""||..||..||..||"""""""""""|
|LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI|
|.. .. .. ..||..||..||..||.. .. .. ..|
|LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI|
,,;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;,;;;,;;;,;;,,
;;jgs;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
>*YOU WILL NEVER SEE THIS AGAIN"
*Thought you'd enjoy this!
It's one you want your Children and Grandchildren to
read.**They won't believe this happened, but it
ID.* *Harry & Bess
**Harry Truman was a different
kind of President. He probably made as many, or more
important decisions regarding our nation's history
as any of the other 42 Presidents preceding him.
However, a measure of his greatness may rest on what
he did after he left the White House.
The only asset he had when he died was the house he
lived in, which was in Independence Missouri . His
wife had inherited the house from her mother and
father and other than their years in the White
House, they lived their entire lives there.
When he retired from office in 1952 his income was a
U.S. Army pension reported to have been $13,507.72 a
year. Congress, noting that he was paying for his
stamps and personally licking them, granted him an
'allowance' and, later, a retroactive pension of
$25,000 per year.
After President Eisenhower was inaugurated, Harry
and Bess drove home to Missouri by themselves. There
was no Secret Service following them.
When offered corporate positions at large salaries,
he declined, stating, "You don't want me. You want
the office of the President, and that doesn't belong
to me. It belongs to the American people and it's
not for sale."
Even later, on May 6, 1971, when Congress was
preparing to award him the Medal of Honor on his
87th birthday, he refused to accept it, writing, "I
don't consider that I have done anything which
should be the reason for any award, Congressional or
otherwise."
As president he paid for all of his own travel
expenses and food.*
*Modern politicians have found a new level of
success in cashing in on the Presidency, resulting
n untold wealth. Today, many in Congress also have
found a way to become quite wealthy while enjoying
the fruits of their offices. Political offices are
now for sale (cf. Illinois ).
Good old Harry Truman was correct when he observed,
"My choices in life were either to be a piano player
in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the
truth, there's hardly any difference!
I say dig him up and clone him!*
---
...HaHa! Thanks PatDeE!
============================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From PatrioticUpdate:
FEATURED NEWS: Wyoming lawmakers plan for total economic collapse
http://patriotupdate.com/19082/wyoming-house-advances-doomsday-bill
TODAY'S EXCLUSIVE: President Obama: The Great Deceiver
http://patriotupdate.com/articles/president-obama-the-great-deceiver
PETA Kills 95% of Animals They Rescue
http://patriotupdate.com/19093/peta-kills-95-of-animals-they-rescue
-<>-
>From Our Friend Wesley :)
ripped : peta facts ?
http://goo.gl/swfzw
-<>-
>From ConservativeByte:
Palin Is Right, Eliminate Death Panels
http://tinyurl.com/6taqzx9
-<>-
>From BizarreNews: John's Bad Day
Talk about your bad day. 25-year-old John Knight was driving
his Volvo station wagon down Church Street through San
Francisco's Noe Valley neighborhood at about 10:30 in the
morning when he came across a strange scene.
A heavyset woman stood wrapped in a blanket, surrounded by
medical personnel.
Suddenly, the woman whipped the blanket off and threw it at
the medics, revealing that she was completely naked, Knight
said. Then she turned around and noticed Knight, still
stopped and now shocked behind the wheel, about 50 feet away.
"She walks directly to me," he said. "She walks up the hood
of my car and she begins stomping on my windshield, completely
naked."
The woman, who Knight estimated to weigh about 250 pounds,
cracked his windshield with the first stomp. She got a couple
more in before plainclothes officers pulled her off and hand-
cuffed her as she screamed, Knight said.
Apparently the woman had stripped on a commuter train earlier
in the morning for no good reason, and it was pure coincidence
that Knight pulled up to that intersection at that exact
moment.
"They (the insurance company) didn't really know what to make
of it." Knight said.
*-- Police arrest fake Denny's manager --*
MADISON, Wis. - Police in Madison, Wis., said they arrest-
ed a man who claimed to have been sent by Denny's corporate
offices and made himself a meal in the kitchen. Police said
James Summers, 52, of Madison entered the restaurant around
4:30 p.m. Tuesday and told workers he had been sent by the
corporate office and was immediately taking over the
position of general manager, WISC-TV, Madison, reported
Thursday. Workers said Summers began making himself a
cheeseburger and fries in the restaurant's kitchen while
the current manager phoned her supervisors. The manager
called 911 when she confirmed Summers had not been sent
by the company and he was arrested while walking near the
Denny's. Summers told police the incident must have been
the result of a paperwork mix-up, but officers said they
confirmed he had not been sent by Denny's officials.
Police said Summers was also carrying a stun gun and did
not have a permit. He was arrested on charges of fraud,
possession of an electric weapon, disorderly conduct and
possession of drug paraphernalia.
*-- Woman pleads guilty to library thefts --*
SAN DIEGO - A California woman accused of stealing about
2,000 items from various libraries and selling them online
pleaded guilty to felony burglary. San Diego County Deputy
District Attorney Marnie McGee said Maria Nater, 45,
pleaded guilty Tuesday and will likely receive a probation
sentence at an April 25 hearing, KSWB-TV, San Diego,
reported Thursday. Authorities said an investigation was
opened when workers at a Carlsbad library noticed signif-
icant book loss and a search of Nater's Vista home turned
up thousands of missing library books and DVDs, worth an
estimated $5,400, with some packaged to be shipped. Nater,
who was arrested in September, admitted taking the books
from libraries in Carlsbad, Oceanside and San Diego. She
said she was selling the pilfered items on Amazon.com.
*-- 30 luge nude in Germany --*
BRAUNLAGE, Germany - Organizers of the 2012 Nude Luge
World Championships in Germany said 25,000 people watched
30 lugers throw themselves down the slopes. The organizers
said 17 men, including former Calvin Klein cover model
Marcus Schenkenberg, and 13 women, including porn star Mia
Magma, slid down the mountainside in Braunlage Saturday
for the fourth-annual event, The Local reported Monday.
The participants were required by safety rules to wear
helmets, shoes and underwear, but were otherwise unclothed
when they took their turns sledding. "With a lot of German
beer and Jagermeister, I'll be able to keep myself warm,"
Schenkenberg said. A 37-year-old Hannover man was declared
the winner of the event and was awarded $1,300.
*-- Man has 'Beetlejuice' museum in apartment --*
NEW YORK - A New York man said the museum he created in
his apartment to honor 1988 film "Beetlejuice" has more
than 75 pieces. Bruce Christensen, 48, said his Hell's
Kitchen apartment contains items including plastic toys,
bobblehead dolls, trading cards, a beach towel, a full
copy of the movie script and even a six-pack of wine
coolers called Dr. Thirsty's Beetlejuice Alcoholic Fruit
Crush, the New York Daily News reported Monday. "This
is definitely one of the top 10 attractions in New York
City," said Christensen, who said more than 200 people
have toured the "Bruce & His Beetlejuice Collection"
museum since he opened just before Halloween. "The
absolute highlight of our recent trip to New York City
was the private viewing of the Beetlejuice Museum,"
tourist Melodee Hill of Maryland told the Daily News.
Christensen said he would love to have director Tim Burton
or some of the film's stars tour his collection, but he
joked about being wary of Winona Ryder. "I'd have to keep
an eye on that klepto!" he quipped.
*-- Officer chased himself for 20 minutes --*
CHICHESTER, England - Police in Britain revealed an under-
cover officer seeking a suspicious person reported by a
CCTV operator turned out to be chasing himself. A senior
Sussex police official told Police Federation magazine the
camera operator mistook the undercover officer, who was
staking out a burglary-hit area, for a suspicious character
and sent him on a 20-minute chase before discovering he
was seeking himself, The Sun reported Wednesday. A spokes-
man for Sussex police said officers "had a laugh" at the
incident, but he had no further details.
*-- 15 1/2 pound baby born in China --*
XINXIANG CITY, China - A set of parents in China said they
expected a large baby, but they were shocked when their
son came out weighing a potentially record-setting 15 1/2
pounds. Han Jingang and Wang Yujuan said they were expect-
ing a large baby, but they were surprised when baby Chun
Chun was born Saturday in Xinxiang City weighing a stagger-
ing 15 1/2 pounds, a number state-run China Daily said is
half a pound heavier than the three China record-holding
15-pounders born between 2008 and 2010, New Tang Dynasty
Television reported Thursday. "My wife was no different
from other pregnant women. She ate and drank normally as
she should. But she's given birth to such a big, fat son.
Today is the first day of spring in the Chinese calendar
and he's a 'dragon baby.' I feel very happy," Han Jingang
said. Wang Yujuan said she knew the baby would be large.
"I clearly felt that my body was more clumsy than when I
had been pregnant with my daughter. My belly was bigger
than it was then. I guessed the baby would be between 10
and 11 pounds. I never expected to hear that he weighs
15 1/2," she said. Guinness World Records said the heaviest
baby ever born weighed nearly 24 pounds when it was born
in Ohio in 1879, but it died hours later.
---
...Figures it would be in Ohio -
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
_
|-|
|~|
|:| WINE AND CHEESE
.'.'.
/ ::\
|_____| __ _
|:.:;.| .-'o\
|_____| \ ::/ .o' O. o\
| ::| '..' |--o.--o--|
| ;:| || |._._o_._.|
\_____/ .''.
'----' pjb
When the English Playwright Oscar Wilde arrived at his club
lat at night after witnessing the first presentation of a
play that had been a complete failure, someone asked. "How
did your play go tonight, Oscar?
"Oh," said Wilde, "the play was a great success. The audience
was a failure."
-<>-
EeeiiiiiEEiiiii.....
\|/
n______ .....iiiiiEEiiiieeEE
:~; : \|/
-----;``~' + ;------------ ______n ---------------------------------
`-@-----@-= : :~:
=========================== ; + '~``; =============================
=-@-----@-'
jgs------------------------------------------------------------------
Driving a small town ambulance, it was not uncommon for my husband and
I to stop at the local grocer to buy food for dinner after a call at
the end of the day. I had gone in to get a head of lettuce and some
tomatoes, and unknown to me the floor was wet. Down I went, hitting my
head hard.
When I came to, the manager of the store was sitting beside me telling
me not to move, that he had called 911.
At the same time my pager went off and he looked at me and asked, "What
was that?"
"My pager," I said. "I am 911."
-<>-
One night my husband took his mother and me to a movie. We were
enjoying the film until a very explicit bedroom love scene flashed on
the screen. Embarrassed, I wondered what my mother-in-law must be
thinking.
Just then I felt her hand touch mine. With her eyes still glued to the
screen, my mother-in-law said, "Lovely sheets. I wonder where she got
them."
-<>-
My friend, the manager of a grocery store, nabbed a shop-
lifter in the act. He was escorting the suspect to the
office in the front of the store (near the cash registers),
when the shoplifter broke from his grip and tried to run.
After a scuffle, my friend pinned him against the wall and
looked up to see a number of surprised customers staring at
him.
"Everything's fine, Folks," he reassured them. "This guy
just tried to go through the express line with more than
ten items."
-<>-
A woman who called up the fire department and said, "Look,
I've just had a new rock garden built and I've just planted
some new roses, and.."
The fireman said, "Where's the fire?"
She said, "I've just spent a lot of money having my lawn
mowed and my hedges clipped. Some of my new plants are
very expensive..."
He said, "Look, lady, you don't want the fire department,
you want a flower shop."
She said, "No, I don't. The house next door is on fire, and
I don't want you clumsy fireman stomping all over my garden
when you come over."
-<>-
,==.
\\//
.-~~-.
,",-""-.".
| | | |
| | .-"| |.
". `,",-" ,'.".
`| |_,-' | |
| | | | hjw
". `-._,-' ."
`-.___,-'
While picking up a prescription, I noticed that the woman
who gave me my medication was wearing a beautiful mother's
ring. "I love your ring," I said. "It's very similar to
mine." And I held out my hand to show her. Each ring had
three birthstones. "You have three children too?" I asked.
"Well, no," the woman replied. "When my daughter picked this
out for me, she liked the rings with three settings the best.
So I have a birthstone for two daughters, and this one," she
said while pointing to the center gem, "is for the dog!"
[Thanks to Reader's Digest.]
-<>-
Little Johnny wasn't very good at spelling. During an oral
spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the
blackboard. "Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we
have if we placed a "K" in the front?"
After a moment's reflection, Johnny said, "Canoe?"
-<>-
,``'.'
/ \ \ \
/ \ | |
''''''.| | |
`````'` | | |
/'''' - (| | |
/'``` . | | |
/ ''''' / ./
/ '```` / |/
/ ''''`| \/
/ ' |` /
/ / /|
/| | / '.
|| | )
++ | \
| |
| |
\ ..
\ _/ \
' ./ |
/ \
| \
\ |
\ |
| . |
| | |
| | |
| | |
| .| |
/ / | /
/ / | |
/ / | |
/ / | |
==/ | |
| | ==/
| | / |
\ | Pru | |
V | |
V
An Octogenarian who was an avid golfer moved to a new town
and joined the local Country Club. He went to the Club for
the first time to play but was told there wasn't anybody he
could play with because they were already out on the course.
He repeated several times that he really wanted to play.
Finally the Assistant Pro said he would play with him and
would give him a 12 stroke handicap. The 80 year old said,
"I really don't need a handicap as I have been playing quite
well. The only real problem I have is getting out of sand
traps." And he did play well.
Coming onto the 18th the old man had a long drive, but it
landed in one of the sand traps around the hole. Shooting
from the sand trap he hit a very high ball which landed on
the green and rolled into the hole!
The Pro walked over to the sand trap where his opponent was
still standing. He said "Nice shot, but I thought you said
you have a problem getting out of sand traps?"
"I do!" replied the Octogenarian, "Please give me a hand."
-<>-
Scott and Peter had applied for jobs at a large company and
had to take an intelligence test. They each found the test
a breeze, except that they admitted to being momentarily
stumped by the final question: "Name a 14 letter word for
someone in charge of a plant."
"How did you answer that last one?" asked Scott. "I was a
bit puzzled at first, but then I thought of Superintendent."
"I think I got it right too," said Pete, "but I wrote down
Horticulturist."
-<>-
The doctor took his patient into a room and said, "I have some good
news and some bad news."
The patient said, "Give me the good news first."
"They're going to name a disease after you."
===============================================================
>-->Golden Oldies
,-----.
W/,-. ,-.\W
()>a a-->From Laugh And Lift:
_|_
____|____
#%@@ /~~~~.~~~~\ @@%#
@%%#%%, /~~~~/ \~~~~\ ,%%#%%@
%%@@%%@%/~~~~/ : \~~~~\%@%%@@%%
`@%%%@#@/____/ (X) \____\@%%%@#@`
@@\@%%@`|.`.| ___ |.`.|`@%%@/@@
`#%/@ |:x:|| .||:x:| @\%#`
|| |:x:|| ||:x:| ||
-_|| _-|:x:||~ .||:x:|-_ ||_-
!-!-!-!-!-|___||___||___|-!-!-!-!-!lc
*_THE PREACHER'S WIFE_*
(Author Unknown)
Our preacher is a man of God,
He truly loves the Lord;
He gives the greatest sermons,
His congregation's never bored.
He quotes the scriptures without looking,
He shares the Good Book without end;
He knows each member of the church,
And calls each one his friend.
He constantly is working,
Both at the church and in his home;
He is very dedicated,
And spends much time with Christ alone.
He spends hours on his sermons,
Which are truly God inspired;
He works almost around the clock,
And is often worn and tired.
While we give him due respect and love,
His wife is often missed;
Though a sweet and caring, loving soul,
She's not always on our list.
Oh what a shame ... we lose so much,
For this woman's full of love;
And when our preacher married her,
Was he not directed from above?
She knows her Bible just as well,
And with such gentleness,
Has that woman's quality of warmth,
That a man oft doesn't possess.
She can embrace, and soothe, and hold,
Can even offer kisses;
Sometimes this kind of love's required,
And a man can't always do this.
While our preacher is God's shepherd,
His wife excels in little lambs;
We need her just as much as him,
All this is per God's plan.
She stands behind her husband,
Like a shadow, ever there;
Like fresh air, always needed,
Of which no one is aware.
She will put her arms around him,
When he is down and blue;
Why comfort him, this man of God?
Because he's human, too.
She performs her mundane duties,
Like pressing clothes and washing shirts;
Because she is so eager,
To have him look just right at church.
When services are over,
And he is waiting by the door;
We shake his hand and thank him,
Sometimes she's smilingly ignored.
She never seeks attention,
But is content to aid and serve;
With a quiet consecration,
She holds her talents in reserve.
So, all you members of the church,
What I am trying hard to tell ...
That when God chose this preacher's wife,
'Twas for the rest of us, as well.
Show that you appreciate her,
At the church door, shake her hand;
Hug her around her shoulders,
And behind her, take your stand.
- Author Unknown
-<>-
,-`"-=')
=/////// ,==
_,_(((((-`6\ ==.|
/,,...\\\C _| .--.
((((\\\\\` _, /;_|
)9 )))))./ `. / }
_\,_ ,-'))) \ / /=-.
,-./ \/ '))) . /\_/ / \
(,-.%\ / /-' ') \/\ / ( \
(/ \ ' /( ' `-/ \( \ ,-
/ ( `-' \ . / / \ \ &_)
/\ \ | ( /--.- \ \----,------=;% |
_/ _); `. ` `-. .`\ ) +++/ \ ,," %&-. ; \\|
`-` `-=.;_,.__.__\_,/ )_/___+_/_________\,"(_//_(__)______:-._)
gpyy
>*_SURVIVAL KIT FOR EVERY DAY LIVING_*
Items Needed:
Toothpick
Rubber Band
Band Aid
Pencil
Eraser
Chewing Gum
Mint
Candy Kiss
Tea Bag
Why you say???
1) TOOTHPICK - to remind you to pick out the good
qualities in others. -- Matt. 7:1
2) RUBBER BAND - to remind you to be flexible,
things might not always go the way you want,
but it will work out. -- Romans 8:28
3) BAND AID - to remind you to heal hurt feelings,
yours or someone else's. -- Col. 3:12-14
4) PENCIL - to remind you to list your blessings
everyday. -- Eph 1:3
5) ERASER - To remind you that everyone makes mistakes,
and it's OK. -- Gen 50:15-21
6) CHEWING GUM - to remind you to stick with it and you
can accomplish anything with Jesus. -- Phil 4:13
7) MINT - to remind you that you are worth a mint
to your Heavenly Father. -- John 3:16-17
8) CANDY KISS - to remind you that everyone needs a kiss
or a hug everyday. -- 1 John 4:7
9) TEA BAG - to remind you to relax daily and go over
that list of God's blessings. -- 1 Thess 5:18
-<>-
>*/The Laugh/*
\\\
(oO)
/C \
/__/\\
\\__//
__> U-
.-.
__/ (
, '-.____\
u=='/ \
/_/ \
.-'' |
( ____/_____
_>_/.--------
\///
//
snd //
>*_Good Point..._*
"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my
money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked the
children in my Sunday School class.
"NO!" the children all answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything
neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, the answer was, "NO!"
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the
children, and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?" I
asked them again.
Again, they all answered, "NO!"
"Well, I continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA be dead!"
-<>-
/()))
//( oo
(/|| _ \__
/||||/ '._-'
/ \ |\
/ \ \ \_____
| \ \.___ /==,
| ='.___/=.
| )
'.______ |
(______( | ||
snd |_|| _/ | |_\
'---'--'
>*_Deep Thoughts _*
- How important does a person have to bee before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?
- Since bread is square, then why is sanndwich meat round?
- Why do you have to "put your two centss in" ...but it's only a "penny"
for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
- Why does a round pizza come in a squarre box?
- How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would
be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
- Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake
up like every two hours?
- If you drink Pepsi at work in the Cokee factory, will they fire you?
- Why are you IN a movie, but your ON TVV?
- How come we choose from just two peoplle for President and fifty for
Miss America?
-<>-
.
\ | /
_\|/_
.' ' ' '. ___
_.|.--.--.|.___.--'___`-.
.'.'|| | ||`----'"` ``'`
.'.' ||()|()||
.___..-'.' / \
`----'"` / .-. \
(.'.(___).'.)
`.__.-.__.'
jgs |_| |_|
`.`-'.'
`"`
>*_Quick Jokes _*
Just after Pete was admitted to the hospital, he heard a knock at the
door of his room. "Come in," Pete said, and in came a woman.
"I'm your doctor," she said. "Please take off your clothes."
Pete asked her if she meant for him to remove all of his clothing and
she told him that was just what she did mean. So he took off all his
clothes and she examined him: nose, throat, chest, stomach, thighs,
feet. When she examined him she announced: "You may get into bed. Do
you have any questions?"
"Just one," said Pete. "Why did you knock?"
--------
A thought:
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder or camera phone these days that
no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to?
--------
Mary: I grew up in SUCH a small town!
Jill: Oh, I did too! Everybody knew everybody else's business!
Mary: My town was so small that the city limit signs were back to back.
Jill: You had TWO SIGNS?
-<>-
>*_Teacher/Student Jokes_*
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
--------
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this kid)
--------
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
--------
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't
have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
--------
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
--------
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louis, do you know why his father
didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
--------
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.
--------
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog.
_SUBSCRIBE INFO_
Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in
an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all
about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com
==============================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Never Give Up!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/nevergiveup.html
Advice For New Year
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/newyear.html
Friends!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/friends.html
Notes To God!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cnotes.html
Wall Mural Art 3
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wallart3.html
Balloon Party!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/party.html
Auto Motorplex
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/automotorplex.html
Elephant Hotel
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/elhotel.html
Chinese WalMart
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chinawalmart.html
Great White Shark!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/greatwhite.html
Ward's 1934 Wish Book
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wishbook.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend Wesley :)
Sandra Bullock goes crazy
http://youtu.be/6GZqcN_n9XQ
---
...LOL! A Fun One! Thanks Wesley!
Astrolabe quadrant from Canterbury
http://goo.gl/12490
---
...Interesting! Thanks Wesley!
-<>-
>From LynnLynn's Links:
Create printable flyers online
http://www.band-flyers.com/
Watch Horror Movies Online For Free
http://www.fearnet.com/
Conversion Program
http://www.joshmadison.com/software/convert/
Visit Melissa's Online Store
You can get anything you want (except for Melissa ) at
the online store
http://pdhomes.net/mall/babylissa/mySTORES/ISELL4.html
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
==============================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"I have property in LA. A hotel is holding two of my suit-
cases." --Soupy Sales
"Julia [Roberts], I miss our phone calls. But it seems like
ever since you got Caller ID you're never home."
--Steve Martin
"Male sexual response is brisker and more automatic than the
female. It is triggered easily by things -- like putting a
quarter in a vending machine." --Dr. Alex Comfort
"My school days were the happiest days of my life; which
should give you some indication of the misery I've endured
over the past twenty-five years." --Paul Merton
"What a day, eh Milhouse? The sun is out, birds are singing,
bees are trying to have sex with them--as is my understanding."
--Bart Simpson
"Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you." -Carl Jung
"Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of
imagination." -Oscar Wilde
"Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep
voting on what to have for dinner." --James Bovard (1994)
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into pro-
sperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift
himself up by the handle." --Winston Churchill
"A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow
man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money."
--G. Gordon Liddy
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN
HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
************************************************************************
>TO SUBSCRIBE:
Visit Here
This Weeks regular Shangy emails
OR
For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
************************************************************************