Archive for March, 2010

At least once a week I see a girl no more than 16 years old who is visibly pregnant. She will have a child in kindergarten before her 21st birthday, and possibly be a grandmother before her 35th. The chances of this girl graduating college are close to zero, and the chances of her finishing high school aren’t high, either. She likely will not marry the father of the child, and the father likely will not or can not support the baby when it is born, or at any point through its 18th birthday.

My solution is one that will piss off the Religious Right and the “Just Say No” camp, but their solution does not and never will work. Kids are horny, and one thing leads to another, and saying no is easier said than done. Guys will forever convince the girl, that “it can’t happen the first time,” or the girl will convince the guy by saying, “don’t worry, my period just ended, it’s impossible for me to get pregnant,” or the infamous,” it’s ok, I know my body.”

Give kids condoms. Yes, there you have it; I said give kids free condoms, all the damn condoms they want. Hand them out in gym class, put fishbowls full in the restrooms, and send them home with their report cards.

I can hear the cries now, “OMG, you are endorsing pre-marital sex?” and, “how can you condone teen sex?”

Well, guess what, kids are having sex today, they had sex last week, and they will have sex next month, and there is not a damn thing you can do to stop this. And guess what, Leticia will get knocked up, and Johnny, the sperm supplier, who is in the 11th grade and holds a 2.5 GPA doesn’t have a job. That leaves me and you and our over-extended tax dollars as the god-parents responsible for buying Pampers and baby formula, and paying for immunization shots.

You can be holier-than-thou and say this is wrong, and keep believing that abstinence is the best policy, or you can be a realist and understand that hormones rage when the bucket seats are reclined.

Look at it this way – this child will be your dependent for the next 18 years, and possibly much longer if he or she happens to fall into our criminal justice system. You could have prevented this from happening, with the donation of a single condom to Johnny and Leticia.

Are you a white guy or maybe you know a white guy who owns a business or company that bids on government business and keeps losing out on work to minority and/or women-owned businesses because they get preference on certain contracts?

Yes, we all know how ridiculous these programs are – where a wealthy kid from let’s say, Singapore, comes to America to get his MBA on daddy’s dime. He then gets a gig at Company X who agrees to sponsor his H-1 Visa so he can get a Green Card.

Packing his Green Card and on his way to citizenship, he ventures out on his own and opens up Singapore Sling, the latest in military weaponry – laser-directional stealth slingshots, and your direct competition.

Now with citizenship paperwork in hand, our newly-minted American is bidding on government contracts, and since he is now a certified MBE, the acronym for a minority-owned business, his operation now gets bidding preference over your true-blue American company on certain set-aside contracts.

Let’s review and get this straight: He comes from a country where he is of the majority, not disadvantaged or poor, but comes to the land of milk and honey and low-and-behold, he’s now a disadvantaged minority! All he has to do is make sure all his family money is off-shore in his family’s name and he’s set.

What to do now, Mr. Non-Person-Of-Color? Guess what…you, too, can own one of these Minority-Owned companies, Mr. White Man!

Teach her the ropes so she understands the business model, print up some cards saying she is the President and CEO, give her 51% of the stock, and you are now in a winning position. Your slingshots are now getting even more of a preference over Singapore Sling’s because your wife is not only a minority; she’s a woman, too! The only thing that would make it better was if she happened to be disabled. Hmmm!

Yes, folks, this is how absurd our government’s programs are – a rich SOB from another country can come here for school and just because he happens to be the correct shade on the color bar, he is now a disadvantaged minority – even though he never experienced discrimination, never heard of Rosa Parks and only is familiar with Martin Luther King because of the holiday.