It Was The Worst: # 6 The Worst Music Review I’ve Ever Read

This is – without a doubt – the worst music review I have ever read. Horrible. Ghastly. Clunky. In short, hideous to the eye. It doesn’t offer anything much opinion-wise. It’s certainly not (really) informed. Even worse it (kinda) tries to be. Oh god. Just awful. Really, the writer had no fucking clue. The album is probably pretty horrible and I imagine it hasn’t aged at all well. But fuck this is just horrible.

Space, the band that brought summer radio listeners the quirky/irksome ‘In The Neighbourhood’ last year are back with the new album Tin Planet which has already spawned the annoying single ‘The Ballad of Tom Jones.’ Space can at times be good – the single ‘Avenging Angels’ has a nice melody reminiscent of the Boo Radleys and the track ‘1 O’clock’ is pleasant pop music but tracks such as ‘Disco Dolly’ and ‘A Liddle Biddy Help from Elvis’ sound about as stupid as the titles suggest. Tin Planet is a bizarre collection of songs, not an album as such, but more a mix of styles which overall does not flow or come close to cohesion. The individual elements are not necessarily that bad with Space, it seems more to be a failure when assessing the collective sum of these parts. Lyrics such as ‘Who needs Batman/Jason and the Argonauts/I’ve got you what more could I ask for’, prove that only Frank Zappa had any real talent for the odd – and Space should let artists like Morrissey attempt songs with titles like ‘The Unluckiest Man in the World’; leaving themselves perhaps to try “The Unluckiest Band in the World (?)”.

I mean what is that review really trying to say? An embarrassment. Random comparisons, a bit of a flip-flop and the horrible line, “Space can at times be good”. What the fuck is that? It’s an embarrassment is what it is. That’s about all it is. And of course it’s also a shame – a giant shame. And it’s my shame. For the reason this is the worst music review I’ve ever read is because it’s the first music review I ever wrote.

Everyone has to start somewhere. And I started with a confusing 200-word ramble around an album called Tin Planet by a band called Space. Oh the horror. It kinda haunts me to this day. I’ve never shared this secret shame before. But here it is. My first published music review. Well, I could only get better I guess.