Health : Bareback…

We as gay men have been told to ‘always use a condom’ by health professionals for many years now and it is good advice in most sexual circumstances. We have been shown how to use them, even by porn stars such as Matthew Rush and Brent Corrigan, and we have lots of choices when it comes to what condom we want or need. But there are considerations regarding condoms and bareback sex that have not been discussed or considered as broadly as they may need to be.

We, especially as gay men, have been bombarded with safer-sex messaging, telling us that condomless sex can lead to contracting HIV/STDs. Leading me to believe that a lack of basic knowledge regarding condom use, and the protection it offers, is not the foundation of why most men who choose to do so have unprotected sex. I think most of us know at least the basics of HIV/STD transmission.

I am often surprised, and occasionally shocked, at how some in HIV/STD prevention view and approach gay men who are fully informed on safer-sex practices and choose to bareback. There are some who immediately judge men who choose to engage in condomless sex as either being uninformed, in denial or as something other, like a “Bug Chaser” or “Gift Giver”.

It is worth stating; I believe strongly that it is the right of all adults to have consensual sex in whatever way they choose to have it as long as no harm is caused to another.

Sex that is the result of agreements made between sex partners on the level of ‘risk’ that is acceptable are, in my opinion, ideal. A conversation like this sounds simple but a risk reduction strategy that is acceptable for one individual isn’t necessarily good and/or appropriate for another making conversations regarding safer-sex difficult to approach and once started, have the potential to complicate the sex and/or ’spoil the moment’.

Discussions that may risk having sex may be barriers to condom use themselves, as it may be easier to just ‘go with the flow’ rather than take the risk of having ‘the conversation’ and possibly lose your desire or the opportunity to have sex simply by having the conversation.

Hopefully all sex that takes place with your partner is acted on according to informed decisions that are reached together, decisions that include the topics of condoms and barebacking as well as other forms of a sexual risk reduction (although condomless anal sex is not in and of itself considered a risk reduction technique, while cumming outside of the anus may be considered a risk reduction strategy).

In regards to condomless sex, the question many in health hope to answer is; ‘why do gay men have condomless sex’? The assumption is that when answers are found the ‘problem’ of condomless sex can be addressed.

There are flaws with seeking simple answers as to why men bareback and then looking for solutions that can be applied to a broad group. The first flaw is that there is an unfortunate assumption in the question. The assumption being; there are straightforward reasons why men choose to have unprotected sex and that these ‘reasons’ can be categorized and subsequently addressed in an ‘intervention’.

There are some straight forward reasons for not using condoms, it feels better, HIV status, lack of availability, but in most cases, I think that the decision to not use a condom is complex and individual, making broad-reaching prevention efforts ineffective.

I believe that there are a host of reasons why men choose to bareback that cannot be understood outside of the context of an individual.

Why we choose to have sex, who we choose to have sex with, and what we choose to do once these choices are made can also be very fluid and unpredictable.

In regards to barebacking and condomless sex we must acknowledge that the same person may not have the same reasons for not using a condom during sex and that reasons for condomless sex may change at different times in an individual’s life, according to the person(s) they have sex with, the settings they choose to have having sex in, and/or under different combinations of these variables.

Why men choose to ignore condoms can also include one’s physical condition and libido, emotional health and even spiritual beliefs, some of which can change even during a sexual encounter.

The bottom line is that there are many ‘side effects’ associated with condom use and there are reason why they are not used that are complex, mixed, and very individual.

Skin to skin sex, fluid exchange, and other forms of sexual pleasure are significant reasons why condomless sex is preferred by many. But pure pleasure seeking aside, I believe that it is very important that side effect and reasons to engage in condomless sex are considered, and hopefully discussed with partners by every man that chooses to engage in any form of sex, but particularly sex without a condom.

Condoms are physical barriers and can feel like an emotional / pleasure barrier as well.

Many men (especially older men) cannot maintain an erection and/or have an orgasm when using a condom.

Putting on a condom can add complexity to sex and interrupt the ‘flow’ of sex, making sex feel awkward, especially when the sex is with an anonymous partner.

Perception of trust; “He said he was negative, if I use a condom he will think I do not trust him”.

Social barriers such as peer pressure, and poor negotiation skills. (Especially when the only choices presented are use a condom or not use a condom and there are no sexual risk reduction options known or discussed).

Discussions that include HIV/STDs and sexual risk can be difficult and potentially ‘kill the mood’.

Force; an excessively dominate partner demanding condomless sex.

Poverty, costs; (Condoms are not always free, readily available, and can be perceived as being costly).

Physical allergies to latex and spermicides (when latex condoms or condoms with spermicides are all that are available)

Burn out (HIV-Negative men seeking to relieve the ‘pressure’, stress, and fear of becoming positive or seeking to have unprotected sex without concern of becoming infected as a result of ‘condom burn out’/over messaging.)

Rebellion, anger, revenge, ‘buyer beware’ attitude.

For some there is no discussion, a condom will always be used or there will be no sex. For others, the issue is more complicated and not so “black and white”.

When you consider condoms to be an option you are most likely employing a sexual risk reduction strategy to determine when to use a condom and when not to use a condom. For your individualized risk reduction strategy to be successful you must know your status, be well informed and talk to your partner(s).

Unfortunately, when you use sexual risk reduction as a form of HIV/STD prevention there will most likely always be a chance that your strategy will fail, and you may become HIV-Positive and/or be infected with an STD.

Choosing to have condomless sex makes getting tested regularly very important as knowing your status is key information you need for you and your partner’s decision making process. Having options beyond condoms is also important, strategies such as pre- or post-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP, PEP), the use of rectal microbicides, or even rapid HIV home tests that could provide almost instant HIV results, these strategies that are currently under development are important additions that are needed to provide alternatives to condoms.

Whether you choose to use a condom or not having sex with another person requires thoughtfulness, information on which sexual acts you choose to engage in and their associated level of risk, your HIV status, your partners HIV status, and conversations about STDs and sex that are not always easy to have.

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There are 107 comments

As adults we should have the intelligence to make the right decision. Unfortunately that is not always the case. Passion, trust, alcohol, drugs, do not always lead to the right decision.

Condoms are one of the best ways to avoid passing on disease.

Yes, condoms do put a thin barrier between partners but this thin barrier is minimal compared to other possible results. I have met men who cannot keep an erection when condoms are involved. I am sensitive to these people but I still require a condom and have never found anyone who made it a big issue.

To each his own but I want to live as disease free as possible and will do whatever it takes to accomplish this objective.

My partner & I have been together for three years. We are both educated, but bareback with each other only. We fully trust each other, and have an understanding that bareback sex is special, and is only between us. We do keep our bedroom spicy, allowing other singles and partners to join in on our fun from time-to-time. However, during group sessions, condoms are used. Personally, I believe it’s all about communication, honesty, respect, and devotion. At least, that’s the way it is in our situation.

This is a very important topic-for those who care about their health, For one there is nor will ever be a cure for HIV, Cancer, or any other major disease out there. The reason: too much money to be made on the treatment, why cure it when we can treat it! No money is cures! Millions make that billions and soon to be trillions made on treatments. Think about it, don’t risk it! Don’t make the rich get richer, due to a 75 cent piece of latex!

barebackers don’t need a condom lecture, they need treatment for their underlying mental illnesses. mental illness is the main cause of risk taking behavior. unfortunately the US is a terrible place for getting mental health treatment due to our healthcare system.

and the vast majority of sexual HIV transmission is through bareback sex. those who say things like, “condoms break” are just saying that to placate themselves because they’re positive and feel shame over it.

I bareback because it feels good, plain & simple. I’m aware that there are risks involved, but I still do it (don’t judge me). I’m negative, & I always have that voice that let’s me know when a red flag is up…then I just don’t do it. I do, however, keep condoms on me if a dude ask me to use one. But then again, that’s just me…I know what excites me & makes me feel good, but at the same time, I’m still aware of the consequences. As stated before, if a red flag goes up to me, then I just don’t have sex.

I’m not sure what the point of this blog post was. A whole lot of words and nothing really said.

A better question and a much shorter blog might simply have said: Lets discuss: Tell us if you use condoms or not, and why do you or don’t you?

My personal opinion, though is: Condoms always. People lie. People don’t know their status: Sexual health status is not a permanent state, it’s a snapshot in time, true only as of the moment you had your last test.

2014 is almost upon us and sadly gay men are still getting infected with HIV constantly. Glorification of bareback sex, and drug-fueled lifestyles in the gay community, as well as a passe attitude to the need for constant re-affirmation of the message that we should take care of ourselves, love and value ourselves and protect ourselves, all contribute.

I think it’s better to lose the mood and pass up on a hook up, than say I will not risk having an honest open conversation before hand with an unknown sex partner just because the moment is hot, and I happen to have a hottie within my grasp. If you get infected from that encounter, the consequences are not a walk in the park like people suggest now.

HIV might not be an immediate death sentence for everyone nowadays, but still lets not trivialize it or make it seem like it’s just a pill a day and you go on with your life. It is a financial, health, and social nightmare still. So lets keep that in mind.

Happy 2014 to everyone and please be safe and always think with the head that has a brain inside it, rather than the other one when making decisions that could potentially affect the rest of your life.

Not using a condom is just plain STUPID and IRRESPONSIBLE! Using the excuse that it “kills the mood” is the lamest excuse. Nothing KILLS the mood more than finding out you became infected or got an STD because you refused to wear a condom. Have the last 4 decades NOT taught us anything about AIDS/HIV? Its pretty sad that you ONLY see AIDS/HIV mentioned in gay magazines but NEVER in mainstream media at all. What world have we created when a teenager foolishly asks me,” Isn’t AIDS an 80’s thing?” “Didn’t that LIKE, happen in the 80’s to a bunch of people and stuff?” Young people have actually stated that to me and that makes me ot only sorry,sad but ashamed that this is the current state we live in. There is STILL no damn cure for this and we have been dealing with this since 1976, as community WE need to do better and greater. Take care of one another and value the gift of life,our time here and the next generation.

We don’t complain when people who make other bad health choices such as IV drug use, smoking or obesity get a similar treatment. So I don’t see why it should be any different with condom use in the gay community.

Fact is everybody has a responsibility for their own health and everyone should be reminded of that. The for a cure for HIV or other sexually transmitted diseases should not be used as an excuse to remove that responsibility. Especially in the first world where most people have full and free access to education and prevention advice.

True! it is all about free choice.I think as long as you fully understand the consequences and don’t complain afterwards, then yes it is a matter of free choice. But knowing the consequences that can result for decisions to bareback: Long-term health consequences Prejudice from within and outside the gay community (in and of itself not right but a fact of life) Implications for choices in future relationships When you have to deal with helping people through that everyday. you can be surprised that health professionals become jaded and become judgemental when coming across people who have made bad choices… Cause that’s what it is a ‘Bad Choice”!

i never use a condom. love bareback, and if i fuck-thats the way i do it. nothing wrong with it. heteros do it. why not gay men? i have no precum, so i shoot my cum on the guys back, chest, face, whatever.

I have to say that with my partner who just recently got back with me after 3 years of not seeing each other, we were together for over 13 years and we trusted each other with going bareback and we were totally fine with it, but since we got back together, he made us use a rubber. the biggest issue was he no longer knew if he was clean or not and I totally respect that and it means that our trust in each other is not broken, BUT there is now a barrier between us and its really painful to endure, I honestly belive that in my heart he will be fine and come back clean but for us to be raw for such a long time then forced to rubber up, its a very heavy burden, condoms should be honestly used by all but when you were in an understanding and went raw for such a long time, it is a real test of love and trust with a partner. trust and honesty are always a up front requirement to doing it bareback and there are too many people out there who are just like the article say. truthfully going bareback should be for couples with trust and understanding of the risk especially now a days with so much out there.

Just a word on transmission of std. Even oral sex can transmit an std. I got a simple std just from getting oral sex. You’d have to wrap your body in a full body condom before sex to stay totally std free

Perhaps if the public would stop making condom use some righteous act and shaming those who choose not to use them we would get somewhere. For those of you who use condoms, good for you now get off your high horse. You’re no better than anyone else.

Maybe if they invented a cure or created a pill that cleans the semen of HIV those of us who like fluid exchange (which btw IS NATUAL AND VALID) would be less at risk. Not everyone likes toys, or Cialis, or bondage, or cosplay. Condoms are a turn off and forcing someone to cover their sexual organ with one is a turn off.

It’s a touchy subject (no pun) for a lot of people, but the true bottom line is this … Use a condom for protected (esp. anal) sex because “playing it safe” is a hell of a lot better than taking that small-to-bigtime risk that could ultimately have loved ones crying over your grave.

Nowadays, we don’t know who to trust out there, so “dying to cum” is not to be taken in the literal sense, guys!

For years I was a stench condom advocate. Always used ’em and insisted that my lovers do the same. Then four years ago I started playing with a couple of guys. They just let me bareback like crazy, and their reasoning that I needn’t worry was “We don’t hook up with riff raff.”

How can you know if someone online is riff raff? You can’t! And while I was playing with them, I acquired one STD on my own, though I suspected their other guests for a while. And for a time, I insisted they use condoms when playing with me to protect THEM from anything I might be carrying. All turned out pleasantly, but it created some animosity and was a subject we agreed to not discuss because they said it felt ‘accusatory’. Some men are just put off by the discussion of it.

How many guys here (yeah, raise your hands up high so I can see them, I’m a short guy!) use a condom when giving a blow job? Or say “SAFE SEX” and include “rimming a ripe hole” (WTF?) and go on thinking that’s “safe sex”? WOW.

I would have thought after 30+ years since HIV reared it’s ugly head, the gay community seems to have less “in the know about it” than do straight people! That in and of itself is pretty sad…..

Very disappointing reasoning… If you learn how to use a condom, it can feel like you aren’t wearing one.. And if you can’t maintain an erection, maybe one should consider medical alternatives such as Viagra. Lube your dick, squeeze some on the tip of the condom, roll condom onto penis and insert… You are effectively destroying years of safe sex education and dismissing it and forgetting peoples lives are at stake.. Believe it or not people die from AIDS everyday and today, once you contract HIV, the likelihood is that you will remain infected for your life. Yes we all have choices, but be smart about it, know you can trust no one. And as a blogger on a sex site, provoking condom-less sex, shame..

It’s not worth the risk…I was always careful in whom I would bare back with…but not everyone is truthful. Now I have Hepatitis B and the emotions, fear was not worth it. Now I wished I had used a condom all the time.

so glad u decided to write about this.Two night ago I had a random encounter,it was over a year since ive had any sex at all. I am ashamed to admit that I got carried away in the moment and had unprotected anal sex. I have so much regret and disgust with myself now. I know of the importance of using condoms yet I did it without. Sigh.. I am worried now, he swear he is HIV- and is even worried himself that he allowed the situation to control us. I feel a little bit better knowing he is just as worried as I am wondering if I am HIV-. I am waiting for the 3-6 months window to get tested.

use the condom, no regret later. and as far as partners who “play on the side”…stupid! a partner is just that “my partner” and i his partner, will NOT share with others, don’t care what others say. guess that’s why i’m still single…so be it. better safe than sorry.

My philosophy is “2 negatives don’t make a positive”. I love the breed as long as he’s HIV/STD – as I am. Anyhoo, what I don’t understand is that some people (on A4A for example) will blow all that “I only play safe/ no BB” shit in their profile and then talk about “sucking dick”, “Rimming asses”, so on and so forth (and lie about their dick sizes to boot). WTF is wrong with that picture? It’s possible to spread diseases through unprotected oral: The giver may have tainted pre-cum, or the receiver if he has mouth sores, gingivitis, etc can possibly spread it. That’s just my 2 cents.. If a guy gets with me and don’t wanna bareback, it’s o.k. with me but if I’m going to perform oral, I’m doing it with a flavored condom.

Bottom line: Unless you are in a monogamous relationship, not using condoms is UNSAFE and IRRESPONSIBLE! Period! Get a clue people, and stop trying to justify unsafe sexual practices. These kinds of articles do little to further the well-being of gay men and women and is a reflection of a warped mentality that is pervasive in gay culture that puts sexual gratification before health and well-being.

I’m a bi guy who came from a generation that saw gay guys sick and dying. Safer sex messages saved countless lives once the disease factor was identified.

I personally find it really hot when somebody gives me a condom to put on. It takes away some of the fear. And I get turned off by fear when a guy wants me to breed him.

Finally, some researchers interviewed young men on this and published their findings last month. From the abstract: “Mixed methods analyses indicated three global reasons for unprotected sex among YMSM in serious relationships: (1) the desire to achieve emotional intimacy; (2) the perception of being in a monogamous relationship; and (3) the difficulties associated with accessing and/or using condoms. Couples’ decision-making processes, including decisions made ‘’in the heat of the moment,’’ have implications for HIV prevention interventions.”

If there are some Americans today that do not know about sex and the use condoms, they may learn a lesson the hard way. I’m an American Veteran. I know what it is like to be a slave/piece of property. Whether or not conscenting adults use a condom is only the business of the people in the sex activities. Nobody else has a voice in the matter.The use of condoms is a matter of FREEDOM OF CHOICE.

I feel the same way, If your going to get infected, your going to period, no matter what. I was with my x for 10 years and he fucked, and sucked anything that moved, I mean book-stores, parks, bath houses, the works. I heard he sucked off 18 guys, in one night at a book-store in Tampa. But he fucked me raw every night, and we lived in Florida to boot, now I’m 59 years old and started sucking cock, and getting fucked since I was a very young boy, and I mean very young. And I’m HIV negative, so go figure??????

I will say it again. WHY does this site allow anything goes as an option. If you wanted to take the lead in this, make people pledge , in order to be on this site for free, to not participate in such endeavors as you do not want to be the vehicle to spread this virus. Take the anything goes away ( I tell people all the time, isn’t wearing a condom part of anything) — This will not stop people and we know it but ya know, it would be nice for someone like you really take the lead in this where we in the gay community out to be ASHAMED at how cavalier we are about this issue.

There are a bunch of idiots within this community. If you bareback you need to get tested. If you don’t and continue to have sex an give someone an std after thinking you were clean you should be put in jail. No wonder the std rates are so high in gays. So many morons who blindly trust people they just met an hour ago an have bareback sex.

I believe that people have the right to make their own informed choices about how they have sex; BUT, I’m getting a bit tired of being asked to give money to organizations which have been set up to assist people with HIV/AIDS when people are making the choice to risk picking up the virus. Three decades ago, when people were getting infected without knowing how the virus was passed, it wasn’t their fault. But there are too many people now becoming positive because they either lack enough self-esteem to take care of themselves or are too invested in having “perfect” sex to use protection. If you take the risk, also take the consequences if it doesn’t work out, and don’t ask others to help with the financial disaster that results.

When it’s all said and done not wearing a condom is a choice. In 2013 the discussion is still being talked about. There are plenty of reasons why you should, and just as many why Men choose not to wear one. Let’s not put our heads in the sand, leaving our asses uncovered. No matter how good it feels, and trust me i remember what that felt like. Just use common sense, and then except what happens, good or bad. Remember, it’s a choice…..

We have approached the turning point. Men are prepared to disengage from what they choose and they can be paired with like minded individuals thanks to social/geo networking. Everyone’s happy and not only because everyone’s choice leads but because everyone wins. Online market leaders, people promoting via these networks etc. Even the condom makers win because they are the topic of the conversation.

Now I’m horny…lets see if I back up on his dick…will he choose to throw on a condom?

I personally have a latex allergy and thus have a strong psycho-physical to using a condom period but at the same time fear does hold u up mentally im trying to be better but at the same time the overwhelming bombardment of bareback and get aids is kinda bs proper sex education is lost after ur 14 there are many other stds and issues that can result from unsafe sex as well as many states offer free hiv testing but not std testing I know where I live they are separate hell I have to go in on two days for each test as one is only done on one set of days and the other on another things have gotten better but not improved and their needs to be a better fixed message on bareback, std and hiv prevention then just don’t do it or ur gonna catch it similar messages of pregnancy fail with us why would it work other places

With all the STDs out there, not using a condom is stupid. Any man that does not use a condom or uses a trick to have condomless sex with his partner is a sexual predator. Now for those bottoms that like to have sex without condoms, you are putting yourself at risk and are just as guilty because you can pass any other kind of STD to your top as well. You barebackers should be ashamed of yourselves and need to take a good long look at yourselves for spreading STDs. Time to grow up and act like responsible adults.

In this day and time you cannot trust anyone who you have sex with. Condoms have to always be used. I have a hard time understanding how you can play russian roulette with your life by choosing when to use condoms. Granted there are many who are sexually active who have allergies to latex, but there are other kings of condoms that can be used. You have to worry not only about contorting HIV but al other STD’s.

Moral of the story is always use a condom–you just can’t trust anybody–your life is at stake.

I think the government should get the vaccine out for every one already. They should not allow the farmaceutical to become richer and richer by producing pills for those who are hiv+ and instead they should give the shot and not allow more people to die and to suffer because of it.

I was approached by a potential sex partner. He asked if I do safer sex. My reply was, ‘Well let’s put it this way: I hate condoms.” I’m in my 50’s and frankly, I’m just plain tired.

There is no experience hotter and intensely intimate than a man inside another man, skin on skin, raw in all senses of the word. The top has the pleasure of enjoying a hot ass; the bottom yielding and gets pleasure from giving pleasure, not to mention getting the rectal canal and prostate massaged. (can I write porn?)

The following may be sexually selfish, I am testing negative and will bb a poz but will ask him to use one when topping me. My take is that there is a low transmission rate for tops. The highest risk is when one bottoms and bleeds. Yes selfish, but okay if negotiated.

I’m a older top who survived the 80’s, I’m HIV negative I bareback all the time even positive bottom’s I’m not a chaser I’ve had 7 HIV positive partners in my life, I was versatile with two of them unfortunately I out lived three of them. Bare backing is my choice I not need to explain it it works for me, I know the risks and the responsibilities. And yes I do love myself, its my life and this Daddies rule!

What I imagine began as a self-empowering way of reclaiming sex after being diagnosed as HIV-positive (“see what we can do now that we aren’t worried about HIV?”) snowballed into an entire movement with a catchy name (“Bareback!” instead of “unsafe.”)Throw in free propaganda provided by condomless porn companies and a litany of excuses (pretend latex allergies, the “condoms can break” argument) and it is no surprise that unsafe sex has successfully been made over into “real,” “natural,” and “hotter” sex. The kind of sex that the “condom Nazis” and “condom queens” will forbid if they succeed with their goal of controlling your sexual expression. Most men who forego using condoms do so because they simply don’t have the balls to speak out during intimate sexual situations, particularly against such a constant and intense opposition. When they eventually seroconvert it is, conveniently, their own fault because not only is protecting their health not my responsibility, merely suggesting that it might be could cut into my personal pursuit of happiness, and we can’t allow that.

A very valid assessment on Barebacking. I know from personal experience when I attempt to put a condom on, I lose my “hardon” fast & it’s impossible to regroup, which is embarrassing. As a “poz” person, I fully disclose my status on ALL my profile sites, including Facebook, so no secrets are witheld. However, there are guys who will still “top” me & go “all the way to busting a nut”, knowing what they know. Go figure.

Remember back when we were all screaming and crying about how the straight establishment was doing nothing for us regarding AIDS? Well they did, they made it survivable and under control. What do we bitch about now? How condoms are a pain and an inconvenience. What are you going to do when the virus mutates and the meds no longer work? What are you going to do if there’s a sudden interruption of the drug supply? I sure wouldn’t want to stake my survival on a “for profit” pharmaceutical company if I had the choice. I was in the heart of the AIDS epidemic whoring myself out in every conceivable venue (baths, sex clubs, ABS’s, orgies) all over North America, listening to the tell-tale coughs of the guys that weren’t going to be at the next orgy. My one constant? Condoms during anal sex. These bareback porn producers should be held accountable for the number of lives they’ve ruined and are going to ruin.

I’m with Ironside, I can not stay hard with those damned things on. If I could I would hands down, but I try my best to ask my partners status and inform them of mine. I know people lie but that is a risk we take everyday.

I love Barebacking! There is something about getting that hot load shot into me that intensifies sex. However, I only bareback with my partner. The possibility of getting HIV forces me to either abstain from sex or use a condom with strangers. I know people who got HIV and they are always depressed about having it – not to mention the drug side effects and the very real illness.

And don’t trust the zero viral fallacy. The truth is the disease is still in the precum/cum even if the person has a zero viral load. Yikes!! This disease knows how to survive.

I do enjoy condom use bareback.Some of the feed back to ad I can agree true my personal experience or just go buy something to protect you and other person.I don’t someone would intenially pass on Std.Also confronting person as we’ll can be uncomfortable

My first sexual encounter with a guy was BB. We were both in HS and it was unplanned. We are both fit guys and was working out on my bowflex in my bedroom. He talked about my eight pac and how he was trying to get his lower abs to show. I felt his lower abs and told him how to cut like I do. Next thing I know he is kissing me and working his was down to go down on me. It felt so good I just melted on my bed. He lifted my legs and played with my ass. Next thing I know he his on me missionary style and going in a little at a time. He went slow while kissing me and my neck until he just blew. He asked that I make love to him. So I did him. It was passionate. Through college I always used a rubber but it was not the same. Every summer break we get back together and it is so great. He drinks a lot so he has flat abs, but still shape. We feel a part of each other BB.

I was gonna put my screen name on here,but you never know what kind of ignorant email you get,but anyway ive been a total barebacker,mainly bottom since 2007, im totally addicted to it,ive always had a very strong immune system,so im still hiv neg ddf,that being said,i wouldnt recommend barebacking for everyone,cz there still are risks.Especially legal trouble yo can get into,im posted in the myrtle beach,sc area on a4a,and i know first hand that prob 80% of hiv positive guys online will never admit theyre hiv positive,its really annoying,and most of them will bareback with hiv neg guys and wont say a thing,i sometimes wonder if they realize the type of trouble they can get into if they pass along hiv to someone else,they can get years in prison for it. I guess they figure if theyre undetectable,they dont care,the main point is everyone should make their own informed choice.Also..any moron whos in a relationship and barebacks with each other and actually thinks neither one does it out of the relationship with some random guy is totally delusional.

The decision to put on a seat belt while driving is personal too but do we have a ‘discussion’ about it? No we don’t. Because it is illegal to drive without having a seat belt on. It is illegal because it makes sense to put on a seat belt while driving as it significantly reduces (but doesn’t eliminate) your risk of severe injury or death during an accident. These so-called ‘personal complex’ reasons for not using condoms are like the reasons children throw tantrums when they cannot get an expensive present. If you cant get hard with a condom then you have some issues that need to be addressed. If you dont use condoms because you are afraid you will offend the other person then you probably have self esteem issues. If discussion about safe sex kill the mood then again you got issues. If there are no condoms available or if you cannot afford them then dont have anal sex. It seems like this so-called discussion is almost an attempt to sympathize with barebackers. If you (or myself) end up barebacking with someone we dont know then chances are it was dues to issues and failings and poor judgement of our own.

I’m sorry but totally disagree with this. A condom should always be used. With a female or male until you are exclusive. I get sick of hearing that you lose the feeling when a condom is used. Well move on to the next person that will use one. There are so many different condoms out here to cater to different situations. I’m a top I prefer the bare condoms. It really makes me feel like I don’t have anything on but knowing I’m still playing it safe. Please don’t give these men the wrong impression. There are so many different diseases out here. On top of that there are different strains of hiv. Yes even if u are positive and you have unprotected sex with someone who has a more serious strain of hiv you can still contract that. Medicine that you are on can start rejecting because of the more serious strains u have contracted. At the end of the day everyone is grown and needs to be smart n educate themselves. One slip up can mean forever.

Just like Bobbie said above ” I believe it’s all about communication, honesty, respect”. I prefer myself to be barebacked and not to have a condom used while having sex. I always give the person the right to use one if they feel safer. There is no better feeling than a raw cock being inserted in you than a cock covered with a condom. I also love the feeling and knowing the person who is having sex with me is cumming inside. Condoms like everyone spoke about do make me go soft when using them. It’s just a personal choice for everyone.

The oral test doesn’t give you almost instant results. This is incorrect, these tests only count for partners 3 months prior to the test. Go to the doctor and get a blood test. This test can detect a positive result out of a pool of guys from a few days go. Prep and Pep are the best alternatives. 90% effective rate when taken daily, condom or not.

It is unfortunate that the information about HIV does not seem to hit the main stream gay community. I have been poz since 2004 and have read everything there is to read and study on the issue. From what I know thru reading and personal experience it is hard to get hiv from a person who is poz that is undetectable and has a cd4 blood number over 800. Mine has been over 1300 and I have been undetectable since 2005 and I have had sex with and with out a condom with my partner who is not positive. We as a community need to communicate and it is the write of whom ever your sleeping with or having sex with to know your status and thats really all that matters. I really think if your going to just have sex with men or have a number of sex partners you should protect yourself because HIV is not the only thing out there to get and when you ask someone if they are clean make sure its for everything not just HIV.

I have protected sex since the very first time…but 2 years ago i started having sex without condoms with different tops,i knew it was stupid and i was always stressed about the possibility of getting HIV.i was lost and couldnt make up my mind about asking my partners to put a condoms,so i would just let it go when it comes to bareback sex.i have recently decided to check my status and found i was HIV negative,but also had another STD that could be treated…now i know it didn’t worth it,im back to condoms each times ,i gain more strength to control my sexual life and stay in good health

What a bunch of judgmental cunts! Why do you care what other people do with their lives? I am a BB Top and have to be because I can’t keep it up with a condom on. I am 34 years old. I don’t use drugs, I don’t drink alcohol…but see, those things are OK with you, right? Stop judging me and I won’t judge you. So sad that the gay “community” can’t treat each other with respect. Don’t like “raw”? Then don’t do it! It’s that simple!

I have read the comments and was not going to comment. However, here an hour later I am… The comment by BARECUB really ticked me off. He stated “the biggest issue was he no longer knew if he was clean or not” I am HIV+, undetectable for 8 years now. I take care of my health and am not a “dirty”” person or “unclean” or “damaged goods” or “second class citizen” I was infected while in, what I thought was a monogamous relationship, by someone who I later found out, never met a penis he didn’t like. We never used condoms because we we “in love & monogamous” Ha Ha! One of us was at least. : ( Fast Forward: Earlier this summer (2013)I met a guy through a missed connection and after about a month of emails with him we decided to meet. We hit it off from the moment we met for the first date. He came home with me after dinner out and I told him flat out.. NO sex on the first date. I wanted to know him and him know me first. We got into some heavy kissing on my couch and soon the shirts were off. He started pushing for the jeans to come off and I kept fighting. Finally, I disclosed my status and told him I didn’t want to do anything sexual. This guy gave me the riot act, went ballistic because we KISSED!! How could I not tell him !?!? He went way overboard. As we talked for the 20 minutes or so before he left, I could not believe how he told me he had not been in a relationship for years ( we are 49 &52 ) but for sexual release he would go to the bookstores and bath house…. BUT, the only guys he ever hooked up with were HIV-. I could not believe what he was telling me! I was honest with him and was being treated like a parasite and the “guys” at the bath house and book stores were totally honest with him… Yea, right. So my point with this is, there are guys who think that simply because they HEAR the answer they want, they think bareback is fine, because NO ONE would EVER lie to get laid. And back to BARECUB… if the test results come back positive…. will you now yourselves “dirty”??? There are those of us that did bareback in what we thought were monogamous situations and yes, I agree, I have the blame for my situation here…. but, it happened, I can’t change it and I am still the same person I was the day before I got infected, except now I am not looked at in the same way again, ever…..

You know I’m reading a lot of these comments and they are flabbergasting. You have to protect yourself and that is the bottom line. We are all sexual and need sex to feel whole sometimes, but it is not worth the risk to have sex without a condom. As I get older I am become more concerned with the younger members of our community who think that they are invincible and can dodge the virus. The HIV Virus is still real and there are new more virulent strains that are resistant to current treatments. It’s just not worth the risk–don’t bareback wear a condom.

My first time barbacking was not by choice, i got an STD…syphillis,,,so HIV is not the onlything to worry about ,,,,thought this was something no body had but apparently its rampant and not many are tested

Best response so far? “Why doesn’t the government come up with a vaccine”. Do you understand that pharma companies have hundreds of scientists working on HIV treatments every day? If you’re waiting for the government to solve all your problems, move to the paradise of North Korea or Cuba.

I think condom accessibility probably nears the top of how individuals develop their habits around condom use. I was in college when I started having sex, and high quality condoms were inexpensively accessible in nearly every bathroom. If someone made a short trek to the health center, condoms were anonymously accessible for free. I grew so accustomed to condom use as a bottom and as a top, that when I did try barebacking…it honestly didn’t feel remarkably different. If anything, despite how clean my boyfriend is and I am, it felt odd either way. Four years or so later my guy and I still use condoms, but for us it is quite simply as habitual as putting on gloves before we do yard work. I can’t judge anyone who has different habits, because I could have ended up in a very different mindset had condoms been less accessible.

Putting on a condom during sex is kind of like putting on a seat belt during a drive. The difference is that the government can’t make it illegal to have sex without a condom with someone you don’t know. But if you have a clear thinking mind without too many issues then you won’t wait for the government to tell you to put on a condom. Just ask yourself – if it wasn’t illegal to drive without a seat belt on, what would you do? Given that evidence shows that seat belts significantly reduce (but don’t eliminate) the risk of death or severe injury during a car accident, doesn’t it make sense to put on a seat belt regardless if whether the government forces you to put one on or not? Same thing with condoms. Given what we know about condoms and std’s, it just makes sense to put one on while fucking someone you don’t know very well. The vast majority of so-called ‘reasons’ for barebacking are a diguise and a cover-up for reckless irresponsible behavior.

God, the level of ignorance in these responses is astonishing..”I don’t use condoms and bareback because I’m in my 30s and can’t keep it up with a condom”? Are you kidding me. Don’t brag about sexual prowess to justify stupidity. I’m almost in my 40s and I can keep it up just fine with a condom. I’m HIV poz, guess what? I barebacked and the guy didn’t bother telling me his status. I hate when people say “don’t judge me for not using condoms”. Of course we’re going to judge you. It’s ludicrous to put yourself in that situation because “everyone is going to get it”. No, everyone is not going to get it if you actually listen to these adverts and people trying to educate us. Just because straight people do it doesn’t mean we have to be equally retarded. “it creates a barrier between me and my lover”? What the hell are you talking about? Just a bunch of excuses to let people be irresponsible. If we were straight, we’d be overpopulating the world with unplanned pregnancies because we just don’t like the idea of being responsible people. Sigh…

I am a condom and safer sex believer but admit the sex without a condom does have an appeal that can lead to a decision not to use one. A comment or brief talk about safer sex and personal preferences should be a part of the process, especially when using online and social networking sites. If we aren’t able to have the confidence to talk about HIV status and protection preferences before sex I’d suggest we aren’t mentally prepared to engage in sex.

I am HIV+ and say so in my profile, and I also discuss it individually to make sure my partner knows and didn’t skip past it. Sometimes guys respond harshly but that’s an indicator we were not compatible partners.

I keep condoms and even gloves around for toy play to reduce risk for my partner. I think my openness has reassured nervous partners and helped keep sex enjoyable. Not only do I need to physically respect and protect myself and my partner but emotionally protect ourselves too.

@Ron-I agree with every word you wrote. I kept going through this article, wondering why it is so verbose. I found it a fat way of raising a discussion. Saying that, the discussion comments are thought provoking and I like seeing both sides presented.

Personally, condoms, EVERY TIME. I don’t care what a guy tells me. I have never had anyone raise objections to condoms. If I ever do, see ya!

Even if a guy is “clean”, I still don’t want to pull out and possibly be looking at a Fudgesickle between my legs. Yeah, pack all of that bacteria into my urethra! That thought will kill a hard on faster than anything else I know. NGU was treated with Accutane when I was in college. No one taking it was doing so for acne problems.

Also, for Ironside, ” Even people who use condoms 100 percent of the time get infected.” ?? What is your source for this comment? Maybe it’s true-maybe not but cite your source. Facts and opinions are different.

You know what irks me the most as I read through the comments? That no one suggested that maybe the issue isn’t using or not using a condom, but the rampant casual sex that the gay community is perfectly okay with. Maybe if we’d stop blowing, screwing, or whatever with every Tom, Dick, and Harry that smiled at us in the club we’d seen an actual drop not just in HIV but all STDs.

But hey, keep putting on that condom (or not) and sleeping with every guy that passes by you thinking you are being safe (or not). Maybe if we start shaming guys for being promiscuous we’d get somewhere.

Why would anyone use a condom when PREP sounds so much more exciting? Never mind that it is a medical experiment that can have serious consequences over time. Of course with so many Gay men who smoke, do illegal drugs and drink why would they care about consequences? Too many simply don’t love themselves enough to care.

“The difference is that the government can’t make it illegal to have sex without a condom with someone you don’t know.

GUESS YOU HAVEN’T HEARD ABOUT THIS WONDERFUL NEW LAW “TAX” CALLED THE AFFORDABLE CARE ACT AKA OBAMACARE. DOCTORS ARE REQUIRED TO ASK YOU ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE AND LOG IT INTO A CENTRAL DATABASE (EVEN CARDIOVASCULAR DOCTORS). NOW IF THIS ISN’T 100% GOVERNMENT ENSLAVEMENT I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS. I SAY THIS BECAUSE THE GOVERNMENT IS CONTROLLING YOUR SEX LIFE BY DE-FACTO UNDER THREAT OF RAISED PREMIUMS (LIKE THEY CAN’T GET ANY HIGHER) BASED ON THE QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE LOGGED INTO THE CENTRAL DATABASE. AND I AGREE WITH OTHER COMMENTERS; THE GOVERNMENT WILL NOT FIND A “CURE” OR “VACCINE” FOR HIV/AIDS UNTIL A WHOLE GENERATION OF GAY MEN ARE SUCCESSFULLY DEVASTATED NOT ONLY BY THE CURRENT VIRUS, BUT BY SUBSEQUENT DEADLY MUTATIONS OF IT (WHICH HAS BEEN DISCOVERED LATE THIS YEAR) – ISN’T THAT THE PLAN? NEW WORLD ORDER?

I`ve only barebacked (as a top) 12 times in 15 years out of 176 guys I`ve been with. It was a stupid lapse of judgement. I found out a couple of the guys I bb`d were poz. Thankfully I tested and continue to test neg. I think that raw sex feels better (usually). But it`s totally not worth the agony of waiting six months to find out if your fuck up infected you. One plus of condoms, is that I feel I can go more aggressive when fucking the bottom. I ended up ripping this 20 year old college kid, but since I had a rubber I didn’t really worry about catching anything. Actually, he got aggressive- but I digress. Condoms take a lot of the worry out of it.

condoms suck dogshit, and bareback sex is utterly unrivaled. if u’ve never shot ur load raw in an ass or never had a load shot into u, u’ve never had sex…period. every denial of this is a cheap ruse, and a mark of sexual retardation and arrested sexual development.

when someone claims that living a life of “oral only” or “on me not in me” and/or “i never do penetrative sex”, u can save the effort of observation and just assume that they’re neurotically repressed basket cases…and if they get uppity, remind them that if they met a heterosexual who proclaimed the same disposition, they themselves would agree that the hetero in question is a neurotic basket case. that’s right, i said it: those of u who had the vision that these options would come to define gay sex have been left high and dry onshore, revealed as the cowardly nuts.

HIV sucks to have, and is best avoided, and there is a broader arsenal than ever for doing so. furthermore, condoms were never quite as protective as the condom nazis and rubber hitlers hoped to pretend. 100% protection? please, fools. if u’ve never had a condom break, admit to yourself that ur a dickless wonder sloth, a subway-tunnel ass, or both.

best means of making natural, real, “bareback”, “raw” sex safe? drugs and ruthless serosorting. the former requires diligence, and the latter requires care and consideration because it too easily intensifies the stigma that furthers the spread of disease by making people avoid the testing and treatment that make them non-infectious if they’re HIV+

got all that, fools? PrEP (Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis) can be 97% effective within 3 hours of the first dose, and over 99% effective within 7 days IF YOU TAKE IT LIKE UR SUPPOSED TO. for poz guys, getting consistently undetectable blood levels of HIV will result in undetectable levels in their semen within 6 months for most…and within 3 years for all on typical regimens, and within 1 year for those on enhanced ARV regimens. how sweet it is!

btw, my A4A profile is JetonAd, i love stalkers and hostile retards…they make the best bottoms! about 35% of my most hostile attackers end up taking my dick…such is life. 😀

We all must accept responsibility for our own protection/lives. I have treated everyone as if they were positive for many years. While I am old enough to remember those simple days when the worst you worried about was a dose of penicillin to take care of a “bug”, I watched a dear friend die in the first wave and made a decision, despite being in monogamous relationships for many years, to always protect myself and the person I was with. My decision might not be acceptable to others but it’s mine and I can only be responsible for myself. If we all did the same, we could certainly cut the rates of infection even further. I will continue to support and advocate for free condoms for those who cannot afford them. I also continue to hope for a day when we do have a “cure”. Please let me never become so cynical that I feel the government and big pharma will block any “cure”. Best of luck to everyone living with HIV (and whether you want to believe it or not—WE ARE ALL LIVING WITH IT).

I just love how “Steve’s” comment about just automatically starts off from the viewpoint that factors that impair one’s judgement–such as drugs or alcohol–are widely responsible for people making the ‘wrong’ choice which he prescribes as being sex with condoms. As the original article points out, the reasons each of us choose not to use condoms is varied and seldom the same from case to case.

For myself, the use of a condom is just not even an option and just last night turned down an opportunity to have sex with one of the hottest guys I’ve ever touched simply because he wanted to use a condom. It’s a non-starter for me. It is equally a non-starter for a guy to top me bare but then pull out to cum. The POINT is that I want his load. I want to spend the rest of the day knowing that part of him remains inside of me. That knowledge brings me far more pleasure than any orgasm I’ve ever experienced.

We are in the middle of an epidemic. Personal wishes for sexual satisfaction are secondary to the larger need to protect the gay community as a whole. Get over yourself, barebackers, and stop being selfish.

I have had sex bareback THOUSANDS of time both as top (mostly top) and as bottom. I have had sex with guys who were later diagnosed with hiv….and were certainly hiv + when we were fucking. One of my ex boy friends tested hiv + and we had been together for 5 years and had sex nearly every day and sometimes 2 or even 3 times in a day. He fucked me and I fucked him too. Long story made short…..I am still very negative. I have been tested MANY MANY times and I am neg. I do NOT have the CCr5 mutation either.

Why isn’t the choice available under HIV Status of “Undetectable”? You can only indicate Negative, Positive, Don’t Know or “Blank”. As a negative guy I think it would be sex positive thing to have guys indicate if they have their HIV under control. Under the current choices some one who is Undetectable can’t show they are being responsible. Everyone with HIV is being tared with the same brush on A4A as only positive. A4A needs to catch up with other sites and allow this choice as some users will still bareback and this information is needed to catch up with the reality of current HIV.

My feelings on this topic are simple……………If you don’t want to take the risk, then don’t………….if you do, then be prepared for the consequences………..we all have enough sense to make an informed decision……….we can debate this issue for eons…………..there is not absolute positive results of what “is” and what “isn’t.”

Everyone in my eye is positive until proven negative lol cuz my bf didn’t have HIV when we first met…he cheated on me n got HIV so now my eyes have open I’m still HIV negative n going to stay that way…but I love myself to let anyone that don’t care for me come n change my life….people protect yourself n love yourself HIV is not worth it

I bareback and I get tired of being lectured not to. I’m negative and I know the risks. Those who are “condoms only” are judgmental people who are scared to hell of any risk. Good thing about being heterosexual is that 98% of them never have to think about condoms or HIV they just ENJOY sex. What a wonderful life that must be! I fuck guys but most of my friends are straight-no drama, no crap!

When it comes to sex (whether you use a condom or not) the shades of grey are vast, unprovable in court, and can be deadly if you’re naïve, ignorant, or simply living out of touch with your own health.

When 60% of those with HIV between the ages of 13-24 don’t know they have it, there’s a problem. Generally, 44% of those with HIV who are gay or bi don’t know they have it. As you note, the issue isn’t so much about whether you wear a condom or not, but are you healthy?

It is far better (and simpler) to lead by example and take responsibility to OWN your health rather than TRUST ANYONE ELSE with it. We’ve all met married guys or guys with boyfriends. Trusting a hookup is quite asinine, actually.

Owning your health comes long before logging on. It means you have an open and honest dialogue with your doctor (if you can’t, change to a doctor you can be honest with), visit him/her regularly and be tested as advised. If you’re HIV-, stay that way by using a condom or, at least, taking PrEP as prescribed. If you’re HIV+, take your meds to get and keep your viral load undetectable.

Whether positive or negative (never be “unsure”), advocate in whatever way you can to push for FUNDING to find a CURE. That’s where the answer to all of this really is.

As a positive guy, I know my responsibility to inform partners about my status. I am astounded at some positive bottoms in our community that feel they do not have to disclose their HIV status because their viral load is undetectable and have a CD-4 count greater than 500. I know of one person who is very active with online hookups. He hates getting topped with a condom and openly solicits for bareback sex. I’ve thought of reporting him to the state health department. Any thoughts on this?

Everyone who is saying the bb are fucking stupid. You are a part of the reason we still struggle and are passing this horrible disease. You cant keep it up well then you should get checked. I wouldn’t want to have sex with you anyway. Disgusting to me. Sometimes I feel like being gay really is a punishment with so many idiots that surround me.

As a submissive bottom I love the idea of barebacking, of being fucked by a naked cock and taking a man’s load. As an intelligent person, I don’t do it. If I were in a trusting and trustworthy LTR, I would.

I started having anal sex about 10 years ago. I have been inconsistent when it comes to using a condom and bottoming as well. About 2 1/2 years ago, I met this guy off of CL at his hotel and had unprotected anal when I bottomed and contracted herpes. I am lucky in the sense that it only affects me about twice, 3 times a year. When it does break out, nasty painful sores develop in my anus and I have to by Valtrex. The pain at times is almost unbearable.

The thing that really sucks is telling a prospective boyfriend/partner about my status. I am seen as damaged goods and most men would never date me now, even though I am VGL, a nice guy and have my head on straight.

Take it from me, men: DO NOT bareback unless you are in a committed, monogamous relationship!!! The consequences can be life-altering….

I believe that Circumcision desensitizes the penis and wearing a condom just makes it worse for a guy to get off. I am cut and use condoms. I think more guys would ues them if they were not butchered. This is my therory only. but think about it. Takes more stimulation when you are cut and even more when cut with a condom. I hope I make a little sense.

What if we used the rapid oral HIV test swabs with partners before having condomless sex with them? They’re available now OTC for anyone to buy. It doesn’t solve the window period issue, but it would certainly be one way to see if people are being truthful about their status and also to see how willing they would be to do a test right then and there. Any opinions?

so… um… i’ve had sex with brent corrigan twice in his personal life, we and the other guy there did not use a condom. most people don’t use condoms, anti-HIV drugs are a better bet if you’re barebacking. arguing as for whether or not raw sex is wrong is getting repetitive. to each their own.

So here we are again! Each time there is a discussion about BareBack there is a flurry of comments covering the entire spectrum from pro- bareback to absolute repulsion and condemnation of the act. I’m pretty sure the same thing will happen with the next post on this topic as well.

Bottom line, accept it for what it is and embrace the diversity of opinion in the same fashion we celebrate the diversity within our own sub-culture. Furthermore, the gay community has a vibrant history of operating out-of-the-box and testing limits. So it is when it comes to our sex.

I think the biggest takeaway from this discussion is your own (honest) assessment of yourself and your health as it relates to your individual sexual practices. HIV is on the rise again and it’s not going away anytime soon – primarily because of IGNORANCE. So many guys think they don’t have to get tested because they’re in a relationship or they haven’t played in awhile ( outside the relationship or otherwise ). Unfortunately, partnered MSM is the second largest group of new HIV cases because they didn’t think they needed to get tested. What is most disturbing about this finding is the way in which the individuals discover they are HIV positive. It’s usually because they’ve been co-infected with another STD such as Syphilis. Many STDs that we don’t give much thought to are once again reeking havoc on the gay community. Just think, if all of them would have tested regularly they would have virtually eliminated that category from the current statistics.

Again guys, take charge of your own health and we can actually effect a change for the better. It’s not rocket science – it’s your body!

Like everyone says what can I say I love bareback sex that feeling when they come inside you. Feels amazing I enjoy bareback sex everyone should try at least once. Trust me feels amazing. Been neg. since I started having sex with guys back in 2000.

The problem is that many of the guys who ask you to bb take your word. They don’t want to follow up and get tested together. Every guy who wants to bb might not be stupid. But the impulsive ones make all bb guys look kind of dumb

This thread has convinced me there are more than a few people in the gay community who are both stupid and selfish. And worse, most of the rest of us take a hands-off approach when we hear this nonsense that bareback sex is good/OK/my business/just another free choice etc.

The next big debate, now shaping up, will be not whether to have bareback sex with someone who is poz–but whether to bareback with someone who is poz and allegedly “undetectable.”

Please, people, being undetectable is a clinical definition to gauge whether meds are working as intended. It DOES NOT MEAN YOU DON’T HAVE THE VIRUS IN YOU and IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU CAN’T INFECT SOMEONE BY BAREBACKING. Period.

The ultimate goals of the HIV/AIDS medical community is to develop (1) a vaccine that prevents negs from becoming poz, and (2) develop a drug or regimen that will actually eradicate the virus (a/k/a a “cure.”). These are worthy dreams to have, and we should keep the pressure on to make these dreams a reality someday.

But someday isn’t today. Sorry, it’s just not. Even if those who are truly “undetectable” in a clinical sense (vs. those who lie about it) drastically reduce the odds that they can infect a partner–they still CAN infect a partner. Whether it’s 88% effective, 92% effective, or 97% effective–it’s not 100% effective.

Let’s just say, for argument’s sake, that being “undetectable” makes it a 95% gamble that barebacking won’t result in a new HIV infection. Do the math. If you bareback 20 times, one of those times someone’s going to wind up HIV+. His life will change in horrible ways you can’t imagine.

Another example of poor thinking is “I’m already poz, so I can do whatever I want with another poz.” This totally ignores that there are multiple strains of HIV out there. And there are only tests to verify your FIRST infection. Play this game and you will likely wind up with two, three, or even more strains of HIV. This seriously complicates how a doctor can treat you, and the choices of meds that are truly effective against multiple (or newly mutated) strains of HIV are a crap shoot.

Guys, we have all the good advice in the world available to avoid HIV infection. Why are some of us behaving as if there are valid alternatives to this advice? In 2014, there aren’t any.