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Liveblogging Top Chef All Stars: Episode 7

Restaurant wars! Which means everyone will kind of suck, there’ll be some awful front of the house and someone unexpected will go home. And heads up, it’s a super-sized ep.

Last Week: Marcel got all up in Dale’s fizz-ace, gangsta style. There was fishing, which is as interesting to watch on television as one might expect. Carla won a trip to Amsterdam, while Jamie (yes!) and Tiffani (wha?) got knifed.

10:01: In Antonia’s flashback, I recognize exactly none of the people from the older seasons. Zoe who?

Must we declare it “girl power”? We are grown-ups, are we not?

10:03: Le Bernadin! I will go there one day, oh yes, I will.

Fabio: “Seeing Justo cut the fish, give me tears.” This man could slice you before you even knew he was there.

10:04: QUICKFIRE: Break down a cod and a fluke. Ten minutes. Go.

10:05: Brian, on Marcel: “Yes, because you’re a bad-ass. I bet you rapped about it.”

Fabio filets his thumb instead of the fish.

10:07: Much fish has been disrespected on this day.

The top: Dale, Richard, Mike and Marcel. They get 45 minutes to create a dish out of the fish scraps, winner gets immunity.

11:04: He said, he said. Mike is actually not an ass about it, but guess who is? I’ll give you two, but I bet you only need one.

11:06: Winners: Bodega!

11:07: Hasn’t Bourdain used that “stoner food at its finest” line before?

Ultimate winner: Blais.

11:08: Dissection of Team Marcel. No one did anything right, the end.

Bourdain: “Prison breaks are organized with more efficiency and teamwork.”

11:10: Commercials. Okay, screw the commercials. If they send Tiffany home for poor service over the shitstorm that was Marcel, I quit.

11:12: Chefs, you all sucked it. Antonia, too salty. Mike, you were middling. Tiffany, service was bad and so was your dish. Marcel, you let things fall to pieces. Angelo, you ducked out of the way to avoid the trainwreck.

I’m a little nervous that Etch went in first. Not too worried, though, because the clip before commercials makes me hope that they didn’t call in the winners first. I’ll cross my fingers and toes just in case.

I’m here and the party is over … but anyway … so often the edit leads to a surprise, so I actually was surprised that Bodega won and Marcel was eliminated. But I was glad to see Marcel go — he was getting on my nerves. Don’t you think some of these chefs have matured & mellowed since their original season? Dale for sure and Mike I to some extent. Marcel, no. I wanted Fabio to win — he had an excellent dessert (a rarity on TC) and ran the front of the house like a well-oiled machine. His exaggerated accent would totally work on me.

“.I tell you, it’s a mystery to me what goes on in that talented young man’s head. I can only guess that in Marcel World, it’s always 1998, the sky is filled with magical ponies who shit foam — and appreciate Marcel’s rap stylings — and everybody does exactly what Marcel thinks they should do — perfectly. And if things go wrong, everybody agrees instantly that it’s certainly not Marcel’s fault. In Marcel Land, Ferran Adria never existed. Nor did Wylie Dufresne, or Heston Blumethal, or Grant Achatz. He thought all of that stuff up himself. In Marcel Land, what everybody wants is more foam — they can’t get enough! And liquid nitrogen. And gels and powders. Restaurant dining rooms are packed with beautiful women, shuddering with desire and anticipation for foam, foam, and more foam and hardened Crips shrink from his approach.”