K-I-S-S-I-N-G

Zach, Ezra, and I were taking a break from school yesterday so that Zach could have his third bowl of cereal in two hours. I can’t tell if he is going through a growth spurt or just wants to limit the time we have for school. In any case, he, Ezra, and I were talking about a trip that Zach and I are taking to visit friends, friends who have an eight-year-old girl. An eight-year-old whom Zach has always adored.

“Seriously, Mom, I know what they are going to do. Again.”

Zach turned bright red. He hid his face and simultaneously hit Ezra and told him to be quiet. I knew immediately that he must have kissed this girl.

“They kissed!!!”

“Stop it, Ez. Stop it.”

I jumped in. “Ezra, knock it off. That’s none of your business.”

Zach was still red, and covering his face, and Ezra kept trying to tell me more about it.

Later, I pulled Zach aside. “Hey. We should talk about the kissing. Do you want to talk now or wait until later so Daddy can be here?”

“Now, I guess.”

After much Q & A, I learned that it happened one time last summer and that he doesn’t remember whose idea it was.

“Did you kiss her on the lips?”

“No.”

“Well, where did you kiss her?”

“Upstairs.”

I tried not to laugh. How is it that my son who cannot follow the most basic of conversations can get a girl to let him kiss her?

“I meant where on her face did you kiss her if it wasn’t on the lips.”

He leaned forward and gave me the sweetest kiss on the cheek I have ever had.

“Look, buddy, you’re not in trouble. It makes sense that you want to kiss. You are really curious about kissing and girls, aren’t you?”

He nodded his head and his body relaxed as he realized that he wasn’t in trouble.

“You don’t need to be embarrassed. Daddy and I totally understand. The thing is that you aren’t ready to be kissing yet. Kissing is what you do when you are getting ready to be a husband and a daddy, and you aren’t ready to be a husband and a daddy yet. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you sad that you can’t kiss her again this year?”

“Not really. It made me kind of nervous.”

Me too.

Not that he kissed a girl. That seemed rather sweet. But I realized that he and his brother had had this little secret for months.

No matter how much time we spend with them, or how many years we homeschool them, they will continue to develop lives that are separate from us. Zach and Ezra will continue to go to bed each night and stay up too late talking and giggling and telling secrets. The little boy whose every move and thought I knew, sometimes felt in my body, that little boy is gone.

I know that we are supposed to enjoy watching them grow up. And for the most part I do. But something about it makes me sad too.

If all goes well, someone other than me will get the bulk of his kisses. Which for the most part is great…

Right now, Tara is on sabbatical in Costa Rica. She is sleeping more, and exercising and flossing every day for the first time in her life. She is enjoying her husband, her boys, and Nafisa (the daughter she never had) more than she ever has. And she is learning to rest in the arms of the one who doesn't rank you based on how many things you can cross off your list at the end of the day. Follow her on Twitter@TaraWonders.