I have always told people that man does his best thinking while on the toilet. So I figurse since I dont have a lot of free time in my life to blog, what better time to do it than on the pot. So here are the free flowing thoughts of a man as he sits upon his only throne and thinks aloud.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Yo Adrian! (its a Rocky post what else would I call this?)

Rocky IV has got to be considered one of the greatest movies of all time. I have been watching it every night for the past couple of days as I go to bed. (The Palmercat Gal has not been to happy when I fire up the DVD player these last few nights!) Here is why it is soooo grooood.

The movie is 91 minutes long and there is about 23 minutes of dialogue.

Seriously has this ever been pulled off before? I cant even come up with a sports equivalent to this…….. Ok its like the 2005 Chicago Bears offense. The game is 60 minutes long and the offense is on the field for like 12 minutes including 14 three and outs. Yet when the game is over somehow the Bears won and you find yourself thinking they are (were) a good team.

He-Man becomes the hateable steroid using Russian who kills Apollo.

Watching Masters of the Universe as a kid I loved Dolph Lundgren. He saved the Universe from Skeletor for crying out loud! But then he became Ivan Drago and He-Man was gone. When it comes to villains Drago has got to be one the most despised of all time. Usually a villain in a sports movie cheats during the competition, but not Drago. He blatantly is taking steroids all throughout his training and the make a point of showing how the steroids make him hit harder than anyone….. ever! Here’s my question, don’t they test for steroids in boxing? Was it ok since the fight was an “unsanctioned” fight? Why was this not dealt with in the story? Oh that’s right it would have required some dialogue. But then when you find out that Drago was doing the juice you realize Apollo should still be alive.

The Russian national anthem being played while a 3 story portrait of Drago is unveiled before the fight.

How did this not cause WWIII? I mean don’t you usually stand and salute your flag for your anthem? Not in Rocky IV, the anthem starts and everyone stands to salute their……….. Drago???!!! A huge painting id unveiled as the anthem is playing. The funny thing is that everyone is saluting it! How Sly got away with this without any backlash is unreal. If I were at a sporting event in which the entire country and surrounding countries were all tuned in, and the Star Spangled Banner plays to the unveiling of a 3 story portrait of Pete Rose, you better believe someone is going down for that. The funniest thought of all of this is, where do you think that portrait went? You have to think Dolph has it hanging on a wall in his house, or it he had it hung from the roof of his house as a way to let everyone know where he lives.

The creepy robot for Paulie.

When you saw this movie for the first time and the robot came strolling out, everyone thought that it was a legitimate wave of the future. I know I thought I would own one by the year 2000. Well it’s 2006 and I still don’t own one nor have I ever seen one since this movie. How could you not think that getting a robot maid who did everything for you would be the greatest day of your life. And since this is getting long I close with why Rocky IV is one of the best movies of all time……

Did someone say Montage

You know how I said the 91 minute movie had 23 minutes of dialogue, well there’s a reason for that. 4 MONTAGES! That is unbelievable, that is more amazing than the 23 minutes of dialogue. The first montage comes after Apollo dies and Rocky agrees to fight Drago in Russia. Rocky gets into it with Adrian and thus kicking off Montage #1. I guess they thought the first montage was so good that they should put a second one in the movie. This occurs about 7 minutes after the first. M#2 is a working out montage Rocky runs around the snowy mountains of Russia and chops some wood. This ends as he comes back to the cabin to find Adrian waiting for him so she can tell him she loves him and ids here for him. Immediately after this conversation we are treated with M#3 a workout montage. Yes another one. Yes about 45 seconds after the first workout montage. Except this one Rocky kicks his training to another notch including crumbling a newspaper cutout picture of Drago. Can you feel the intensity? M#4 is the fight montage. It of course entails the 2 men beating the piss out of each other as the rounds fly by and finally leads us to 2 bloody beaten men about to go toe to toe in the 15th. It’s a shame that there isn’t an Oscar for best montage, because in 1985 the nominees would have been:

So there, that’s why Rocky IV was awesome. I can only hope tat Sly follows this structure for Rock V. (Yes I heard that Rocky V came out in 1990, but that movie never existed……. You hear me! It never existed!)