League's challenge: To get message to right audience

-Mission is to reverse trend of unwed births, absent fathers and other family problems.

-Mission is to reverse trend of unwed births, absent fathers and other family problems.

June 08, 2006

One of the biggest challenges of the Urban League and similar groups is reaching the people who need to hear their message. Their message is that many of the problems in families today come from a breakdown of the family structure. Michael A. Patton, president of the local Urban League, made that point Saturday at a program that was part of the league's Strengthening Families Initiative. The problem was that Patton and other speakers were preaching to the choir. The roughly 80 participants in Saturday's forum were there because they already are involved somehow or are at least interested in the families issue. The people who need to hear their sermon are the unwed women who have children when they are not in a position to raise them well. The people who need to hear their sermon are the unwed men who irresponsibly sire several children with several women, then do nothing to support or be a father to their offspring. Nancy J. Sulok Commentary Nancy J. Sulok is a Tribune columnist. The people who need to hear their sermon are those who abuse alcohol, use illicit drugs, commit crimes and serve as bad examples for the children in their lives. They are the people who don't come to programs like the Urban League's, which was also sponsored by The Tribune. Patton mentioned statistics used last month in a Tribune series about children without fathers in their lives. Health department numbers showed 76 percent of babies born to African-American women last year in St. Joseph County were born to unwed mothers. That compared to 36 percent of the babies born to white or white/Hispanic mothers, and 22 percent to mothers who listed their race as "other.'' Juvenile court Judge Peter J. Nemeth, who spoke at Saturday's program, zeroed in on the issue of single parenthood. He said he sees the effects of fatherless children every day in his courtroom. Nemeth is seeing illicit drug use; girls having out-of-wedlock babies; less religion in the lives of children; suicide as an issue among children; and grandparents petitioning to take over the guardianship of their children's children. Seventy percent of the children locked up in the country today are from single-parent families, Nemeth said. They often have lower cognitive abilities, lower job expectations and other problems. Nemeth said he sees more child abuse cases in single-parent households, often at the hands of live-in boyfriends. Parents need commitment to marriage and to a two-parent household, Nemeth said. During one of the discussion group sessions Saturday, one on "new paradigms for dealing with violence,'' the comments were revealing. One person remarked on how quickly verbal disagreements escalate into throwing things, or pulling out a knife or gun. If a child sees adults doing that, he learns to act the same way. We need to teach children how to deal with conflicts, another participant agreed. If parents tell a teacher "Don't do anything to my child,'' the child learns to disrespect authority. A woman who sits on a panel that considers expulsions from school said parents are the biggest problem. They often defend their child's bad behavior instead of teaching respect for authority, she said. A man who works in the juvenile center said love has been taken out of things and replaced with hate. Teens used to listen to love songs, but now they listen to hate songs, he said. So what should parents do to raise good kids? Know who your child is hanging out with, one person suggested. Train your child when he or she is young to participate in sports, to play an instrument in the school band, to hang out with kids from church, another said. Keep them busy with positive activities. Discipline them when they need it to teach right from wrong. Watch the language you use when children are around, and be careful of the facial expressions you use. It was all good advice, but the parents who needed to hear it weren't there. Patton said the Urban League is going to do more than talk about the problems. He hopes to have ongoing sessions that put the words into actions. The challenge, though, is reaching those parents who just don't care. Nancy J. Sulok's columns appear on Sundays, Mondays and Thursdays. You can reach her at nsulok@sbtinfo.com, or by writing c/o South Bend Tribune, 225 W. Colfax Ave., South Bend, IN 46626, telephone (574) 235-6234.