Quotable Country – 04/07/09 Edition

This is the latest edition of Quotable Country ever. Awards shows always put me in a funk.

Anyway, here you go. Click the bullet after each quote to visit the original source.

For somebody to use their star power to get in and then create some shit like this is just unfortunate for everybody. But, you know what? When you climb the flagpole the highest, the more people can see your butt. ●– – Toby Keith on the Ethan Hawke kerfuffle. I’m not 100% sold on the flagpole/butt analogy.

I personally don’t hear the enthusiasm in much music today. I hear a lot of music by rote, music that is being assembled for radio play and really for no other reason. Or it’s music that’s obviously crafted to try to perpetuate a career. […] One new CD that’s brimming with enthusiasm is Keith Urban’s Defying Gravity. He’s always had great chops and the ability to make good music. But I feel that now he’s entering a personal maturity that gives him a sort of unselfconscious confidence to pour out the music that’s in him. ●– – I was with Chet Flippo right up until he pointed to Urban as the cure for what ails us.

A new series, Runnin’ Wild … From Ted Nugent, will debut on CMT in August. Nugent’s 18-year-old son, Rocco, will also star in the show. In each one-hour episode, Nugent instructs three competitors on one of what he calls the “Big Five of Survival,” including the psychology of survival, shelter, water, fire and food, and will design an obstacle centered on that skill. The competitors then try to survive on their own while Nugent and Rocco attempt to hunt them down. In a twist on the competition/elimination format, Nugent will determine the outcome himself at the end of each episode. ●– – Let me see if I have this right. Instead of playing country music videos, Country Music Television is giving Ted Nugent his own show where he gets to hunt human beings and then vote them off according to no meaningful external measures beyond his own whims. Sounds about right.

I see that the CEO of Merrill Lynch has taken $1.2 million of his bailout money — our money, yours and mine — and remodeled his office in New York. Complete with a $38,000 toilet… And I just shook my head and went, “They make $38,000 toilets?” That’s the first thing I thought. ●– – And the next thing I thought was “Where can I get one of these $38,000 toilets?” Is John Rich really the guy to be taking anyone to task for living a lavish lifestyle?

I bet John McCain — knowing him like I do and being around him — if he could go in there and put that guy in a chokehold for about three minutes, I bet he’d do it. I guarantee he’s not happy about it. And if you’ll notice, John McCain is one of those guys leading the fight up on the Hill to try to get a handle on this stuff. ●– – John McCain (speaking through John Rich) would like to strangle Bernie Madoff.

I look like a woman but think like a man, and in this world of business, that has helped me a lot because by the time they think that I don’t know what’s going on, I done got the money and gone. ●– – Dolly Parton explains her success in the music business.

I never have been a fan of those talent shows to be honest with you. You can win a talent show because you’re the best singer, but then what? What else you got for me? You got a story? You got any character, any soul? What else you got? You got nothing. You’re 14 and you can sing good, but that’s not going to make it for me. My kids like that, but I don’t. I need something a little more substantial, I’m afraid. ●– – Trace Adkins isn’t a fan of those reality singing competition shows. I’m going to be really careful not to mention Carrie Underwood or Kellie Pickler now so as not to incur the wrath of their fans. Oh, shoot.

No, really, I felt like it was a great cross-section of music. You had Jamey Johnson, firmly planted in tradition, and then the more progressive stuff. There’s room for both. We’ve probably seen the last of where the Top 20 is all full of traditional country songs. That’s not going to happen again. But as long as we have a few people around who have that sort of sound, I think we’re going to be okay. Anyway, I was so impressed by the songs tonight. It seemed like everybody had great songs. ●– – Brad Paisley’s review of the ACM Awards.

[Female performers] don’t play instruments and predominately rely on THEIR LOOKS to sell records. They do not over achieve. The men are musicians. They play instruments. They write music. They sing. Let’s face it – women simply DO NOT DO THOSE THINGS in country music and, for that matter, in rock, funk, rap, blues, or pop music. Men cannot and do not use cleavage to sell music. ●– – Classy commenter on the San Francisco Chronicle site.

I have to say that, to me, the greatest compliment of my career was the depth of great songs that came flooding out from great, great songwriters for this album. I took that as a real compliment, that these songwriters would consider me to sing these great songs. ●– – Only the finest for Billy Ray Cyrus. Cough cough, nudge nudge.

“When It’s My Time” and “The River Just Knows” rounds out this amazing release as Rodney pulls out his best work to date. Everything on this album was perfectly produced and masterfully crafted giving us a truly original country music experience. ●– – Someone got paid to write this review of Rodney Atkins’ new album. Mind-boggling.

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So Brad Paisley’s ideal country music awards shows would be like the Grammys, where we hear overblown faux pop/R&B songs one after the other, and then someone with a fiddle in their band will play to rouse us out of our bubblegum-influenced coma for a few minutes. There will just be more cowboy hats and sequins. That’s Hillbilly Heaven, all right.