September 25, 2012

Casting call for possible 2nd season of Showtime's Polyamory

As regular readers know, I feel that Showtime's Polyamory: Married & Dating reality series was a big step forward for introducing the concepts and ideals of poly to the wider world, and for humanizing us to the public. I think other issues with the show were secondary; realistically we could hardly have asked for more. In particular, we lucked out with the show's producer/director Natalia Garcia, who believes in the series and its message passionately.

Natalia Garcia (front, center) with the San Diego quad during the first season.

So, I've offered to post her call for poly families who'd like to be interviewed to appear in a possible second season. (Showtime has made no decision about renewing the series yet.)

She writes:

Hello community,

This is Natalia, creator/director of Showtime's Polyamory: Married & Dating. Thank you all for your amazing support with the show, it means the world to me.

I'm reaching out in hopes of speaking with poly families interested in possibly sharing their story with me. I'm looking for polyamorous families that are charismatic, healthy, active; can be unmarried but practicing poly (don't all have to live together); bisexuality is welcome in both male and female partners; and are open to sharing all aspects of their love lives. Families in Canada are welcome as well.

As I think you have seen, I am a person of integrity and my intent is to portray polyamorists as loving, mature adults who are capable of carrying on multiple loving relationships in a world that has programmed us for monogamy. I've had so many people reach out to me, mono people struggling in their relationships telling me the show changed their lives for the better. Despite what Dr. Drew said [on a daytime TV show as noted here], I believe 100% that Polyamory is a sustainable way of living — and I would like to continue the pro-Polyamory conversation in the mainstream.

If you are interested in speaking with me, I would love to hear from you. Please email me at natstertv@yahoo.com. Thanks again, much love to everyone, I look forward to speaking with some of you!

9 Comments:

I wanted to endorse this letter by saying that my families decision to this major national TV show was a tremendously positive experience for us personally, professionally and for the poly community at large.

If you and your lovers feel you could convey a positive message about our lifestyle, I highly recommend you take the leap and contact Natalia!

Also, I want to thank all our friends who wrote to Showtime letting them know that you want to see us again (The SD family.) We are crossing our fingers.

Imagine how cool it would be if Showtime ordered a longer show with more episodes and was able to keep us and add new families as well!?

Either way, we are excited to have Showtime expand the representation of poly, the more faces and families that are shown, the better it is for people to see that poly comes in many shapes and sizes.

Let me know if you have any questions or concerns about the process. I want help making your decision. You can reach me here: http://www.kamaladevi.com/contact

One the one hand, it's great that people are being exposed to polyamory on a large scale. It was also great to sit down with my partner and our boyfriends and watch something slightly resembling our lives on television. But I am not thrilled with the execution.

The show was all about titilation, and had no real depth. When the families weren't fucking on, they were basically being douchebags to each other. I can't count the number of times I turned to one of my boyfriends and as "did that really just happen?" or "did she really just say that?" I have no doubt that the editing of the show was largely responsible, I would hope that the families treat don't each other so poorly all the time, but that's not the message that I'd want to put across to the world.

I'm also disappointed that both of the families were composed of bisexual women and straight men. I think this again goes back to the titillation factor, especially since most of the sex shown was between the women. I hope that the next season features a family that includes some bisexual or gay men. As a member of an all-male quad, that would certainly speak more to my experience than what I saw from season 1.

One final thing that needs to be said... This "that's so mono" thing needs to stop. Completely. Right Now. Using monogamy as a perjorative term is the surest way to set up an us vs. them mentality, and will not help any of us.

One of the things that I learned through reviewing the show (and following the press that happened after the show) is that it takes both bravery *and* a ton of social privilege to be on a show like this. Outside of pocket areas like southern California, Seattle, and the like - the majority of the United States is engrossed in sex-negative culture. This means that potential cast members need to be in a position where they're not only comfortable with their own sexuality, but also in a place where being in an adult-oriented show doesn't put their family, community, or job connections at risk. This may mean difficulty in finding a cast that is more diverse, both geographically and demographically

So, Jessica, I follow your posts and articles on Modern Poly, in particular the reviews on the show and I have seen you go from a critic of the show to now supportive, if only to state that it would be so hard to to do what people are asking.

The truth is its just not true, especially in the reality tv world. People of all colors will do all kinds of things for money, the truth is these are the ones that can be sold to a network, and lets make this very clear.... this was always about fucking on camera. You take away that angle and its that much easier. I am personally in a Polyfi relationship and would absolutely love to put our families story out there, the trials of joining finances, the fun of moving into one big house, the pain of family disowning you, the joy of a new love and how it fits into everyday life, the arguments, the agreements, the determination....there is so much to show, but there is zero need to show sex. You can allude to it, with a smile and a caress and a shut door, just as easily as showing it. This casting was all about the producers need to get a certain type of person on camera because thats what late night Sho programming is looking for. Very few times did this show look like and kind of Poly relationship I would call healthy, all it did was show super edited bitter drama, for the most part.

This lifestyle can be shown in a good way, with some sex as well, and I don't give a fuck if its reality. Big Love is a great example of that, it's a stones throw away from being exactly what the Poly movement would need, just throw in a few more dudes that also work at the Bog box hardware store and were off to the races. That show captured so much of what it's like, and it did it beautifully.

The point is this: There is no reason to support something that is largely crap just because, well, it's our crap and it's the only crap out there so I must get behind it. Demand better.

Frank, I think you're overreacting. The R-rated scenes were brief and I thought pretty tasteful, and they were only a small part of the show. One of the episodes had none.

"Drama" -- i.e. conflict -- is necessary to any story or there's no story, as storytellers have known since the ancient Greeks. The characters were portrayed as human, not perfect. And we saw unusual group-processing respect and abilities in how they dealt with their problems.

While I think it would be awesome to be on television with my husband and boyfriend, we're largely in the closet, middle-class, and live in the Bible belt. We've got a pretty drama-free lifestyle going on though. :)

I got some flak for being as honest as I was in my reviews of the show.

There were more than a few things that I wasn't comfortable with. I chose to respond to that discomfort by pushing for online dialogue on said issues. My hope is that by stirring the pot and creating dialogue about the show, we (meaning poly community members and activists) can work towards changing elements of the show that we weren't comfortable with.

If we don't speak up with both support -and- constructive criticism, we lose out on a major opportunity to bring about public awareness of polyamory -and- we risk future portrayals of polyamory being a lot more problematic.

My family is in a similar boat on not being able to participate in season 2. We're in the upper Midwest (which is still fairly sex-negative). We are looking at ways we can be more visible** while also supporting these large-scale projects.

Fist I want to say that we find your show refreshing. It is a breath of warm air for us. We are newcomers to the world of poly and very thankful to see a show that really touches the path we are also taking.

I thought polyamory meant multiple loves. This show portrayed very little love, and too much soft core porn. The triad seemed fairly healthy, and loving. However, Kamala seems, to me, to suffer from a sex addiction. Her obsessive need for sex seems to over shadow All of her partners needs. This made me sad, especially since she councils others in such matters.