If Squidward were real and full of Tang. Horrifying Tang. (BBC Planet Earth)

And this bird of paradise mating ritual makes the art of dance club twerking seem a lot more reasonable in comparison:

All of these clips, by the way, derived from the Meryl Streep of nature documentaries, BBC’s Planet Earth. This glorious series aired in 2006 and spanned all parts of the globe, covering our North and South Poles, mountains, fresh water, caves, deserts, ice regions, great plains, jungles, shallow seas, seasonal forests, and those super scary ocean depths that are currently housing the last vestiges of American democracy. It provided so many hours of entertainment that even Snoop Dogg ran out of product while binge-watching it (but not before teaming up with Jimmy Kimmel to narrate his own “Plizzanet Earth” series like a true OG).

Sadly, America had to wait far too long for a second helping of natural eye candy. Sure, we had more weirdly hilarious bird mating dances courtesy of BBC’s sister series, Life, but that wrapped up seven years ago, leaving us with a nature porn drought no amount of Discovery TV could quench.

But as our favorite chief engineer of Jurassic Park would so eloquently put it, hold onto yer butts, because Planet Earth II is coming hot ‘n fresh out the kitchen Saturday, February 18th. (Yes, it already debuted in the UK last November-December, but they pronounce “aluminum” weird so who gets the last laugh? Us cocky Americans with our non-weird words, that’s who!)

This time, we’ll embark on a journey to islands, mountains, more jungles, deserts, grasslands, cities, and a “World of Wonder,” which I can only assume is the aisle in front of the freezer section at Costco where all of the free samples are handed out. And lest you find yourself underwhelmed by this exciting piece of news, watch this action-packed sneak peek involving an iguana dodging enough snakes to make Indiana Jones crap his khakis and say, “Screw this adventuring nonsense, I’m a tenured professor”:

That was the most stressful moment of TV we’ve seen since a pregnant-with-twins Beyonce leaned precariously back in her chair while performing “Love Drought” at the Grammys.

“If that iguana can survive Snakepocalypse, I got this.” (CBS)

This weekend, I strongly encourage you to pick up your favorite relaxing strain, flip over to BBC America at 9:00 (8:00 Central Time, because farms or something), and listen to the dulcet tones of one Sir David Attenborough as he takes you on a magical journey throughout our beautiful, dangerous, cuddly, ferocious, terrifying, thought-provoking planet, all without ever having to leave the safe and comfy confines of your couch. You’ll feel as content as a sloth chillin’ in a tree with her baby (which you can d’aww to in the “Islands” episode).