In a discussion regarding a report by the UN Committee on the Rights of the Child calling for Australia to abolish the right of parents to smack their children, Tony Abbot this morning told the Seven Network that, “All parents know that occasionally the best thing we can give is a smack, but it should never be something that hurts them.”

It’s a popular opinion

Tony Abbott is only saying what most parents think, because despite the fact that there is decades of research showing that smacking is bad and doesn’t work, surveys continue to show that around 90 percent of Australian parents think smacking is OK.

Dr Justin Coulson is one of those working to help families find other, more effective ways of disciplining children. “I completely reject the sentiment expressed by the Prime Minister that sometimes the best thing for a child is a smack. Research unequivocally tells us that if we want to show our children how to behave, smacking is the least effective method we can use.”

But what about, “It was only a gentle tap!”?

Despite what the PM said, there really is no such thing as a smack that doesn’t cause your children pain. Research by Judith Duncan and Terry Dobbs show that children will always perceive smacking as painful and very hurtful.

“You can be playing with your kids, wrestling and touch them quite roughly in physical play and they know it is fun and won’t be hurt. But the gentlest tap done in anger will be perceived in their minds as pain,” explains Dr Coulson. That’s because the same areas of the brain that light up when we experience physical pain are also active when we experience emotional pain. “Children don’t differentiate between the two. The brain is still perceiving pain.”

Tony Abbott’s daughters seem to have turned out OK despite the occasional smack.

But what about, “I was smacked and I turned out OK!”?

While it might be true that kids can turn out OK even if their parents administer the occasional smack is, this is about broader issues, says Dr Coulson. “It’s about acceptable conduct. How is it OK for someone two or three times bigger than someone else to smack them because they don’t like their behaviour? We’re charged if we hit or kick an adult, you can be charged with animal cruelty for hitting an animal, but it’s OK to hit our children?”

Lazy, lousy parenting

Dr Coulson goes even further in his condemnation for this kind of physical punishment. “Any parent who says ‘there was nothing else I could do but smack’ was simply not thinking enough,” he says.

Confession time

Prosecuting parents for the odd smack doesn’t seem right, but putting in place a ban would make it clearer to everyone that smacking shouldn’t be our default method of discipline, and that can’t be a bad thing.

Parents aren’t perfect and I’m no exception. I admit that in the 18 years I’ve been a mum I have, on a handful of occasions, given into my temper and administered a smack. I’m definitely not proud of that and if I had the ability to erase it, to go back in time and react in a better, more intelligent manner, with more compassion, I would.

I’m grateful that my slip ups don’t seem to have done any lasting damage. Dr Coulson explains that this is because we can help influence our children’s behaviour in other ways. “Smacking is not the only thing that determines our outcomes in life. Coming from a family with love, and strong boundaries, will have an impact,” he says.

The fact is, smacking doesn’t teach our children anything. It may be a quick fix, but there is no long term benefit. “In families where smacking is the norm you are more likely to see depression, stress, anxiety, poorer social relationships, lower academic outcomes, reduced levels of wellbeing and the list goes on,” says Dr Coulson.

For parents like me who have slipped up, it’s good to know that if the rest of our parenting is done with compassion, empathy, intelligence and kindness our kids will probably be OK. But I know that I would rather not have those few moments of “lazy, lousy parenting” on my conscience.