Transcript

Finn: Our secret mission to capture the Ice King is underway. Though I probably shouldn’t say stuff like that out loud.

[Ice King is in bed solving a puzzle and mumbling when his doorbell rings and goes to the front door]

Ice King: [Singing] Who is it? [Starts shooting ice lightning] Zap zap zap zap zap zap zap! [Sees a can on the ground] Ooh, someone left me a gift. Peanut brittle? But I'm on a diet. [Shakes can, snickers and opens the can; Jake pops out and takes his crown]

Ice King: I didn't steal it! I made that item! ...Made it with the magic that I stole! So hand it over, or I'll strike menacing poses at you! [Starts striking poses and Finn sprays him with a hose]

Finn: Cool it, inmate! [The water begins to whip Ice King]

[Ice King is in a jail cell with only two bars]

Ice King: These bars can't hold me forever! Hey there's only like two of 'em. You fools have no business guarding prisoners.

[Finn and Jake are putting on helmets]

Finn: Oh, yeah?! Well how 'bout these helmets we found? And we got the Oculus of Rehabilitation!

Ice King: Hmm?

[Ice King looks up and there is a giant eye looking at him]

Oculus: Be better!

Finn: And the shelf of penitence!

[Ice King's crown is on a shelf sobbing with water coming from under it]

Ice King's crown: [Sobbing] I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...

Ice King: How about you just hand me my crown. I'll create some ice bars.

Jake: [Running with the crown] Okay!

Finn: No, Jake! It's a trick.

Ice King: I'm toying with you, ha ha, psychologically. [laughs]

[Finn and Jake have built a full set of bars for the jail cell]

Finn: Finished!

Ice King: So what am I being charged with?

Finn: Umm...

Jake: Five counts of jerkateering. Ha!

Finn: Yeah, what does it matter?

Ice King: Gah! Of course it matters! The way things work is first, I transgress your meaningless rules and then you maliciously persecute me!

Finn: That makes sense. You do bad stuff, we punish you.

Ice King: [Pokes Finn's face] Fool! You have disrupted that order, for--are you ready for this?--I have committed no recent crime!

Finn: Really? Umm...

Ice King: [Laughs] I'm rockin' your worldview!

Finn: Jake, he is starting to convince me we're doing a bad thing.

Jake: Dude, [Licks him] be calmed by my saliva and think of all the terrible things he's done.

Finn: Yeah... yeah! You're still a jerk that deserves to be in jail.

Ice King: Oh, yeah? You know who really deserves to be in jail? I will show you the true jerks! [Pulls out a mirrored covered with a blanket behind his jail cell bunk bed] Behold! [Lifts the blank off the mirror but in doing so extinguish the candle in the cell]

Finn: Uhh, it's too dark.

Ice King: Behold! [Brings the mirror into the light but it shatters at the bottom when he slams it on the floor] Wha, Behold! [Holds it in the air but it falls apart, Ice King groans and gasps and walks up to the cell bars with a mirror piece in his hand and puts it in Finn and Jake's faces] Behold the true jerks!

Finn: The jerks are us? Jake, am I going crazy? It seems like the Ice King is right about this. But if he's in the right, that means we're in...

Ice King: [Walking out of the cell] There must be someone waiting outside to beat me. Ooh, is that my crown over there? [Goes offscreen]

Jake: [Sighs] I'm glad that's all taken care of.

Finn: No, quite yet.

[Finn goes into the cell and pull Jake inside with him and closes the door]

Jake: Awww...

Finn: Sorry, but since we're the bad guys this time, we gotta go to jail.

Jake: This sucks.

Ice King: Hey!

[Finn shrieks]

Ice King: Get out of my room!

Finn: You're still he-- [stutters] ...Just get out out of here, man!

Ice King: So, you're really breaking me out?

Finn: Like I said, it's wrong to imprison you.

Ice King: [Tearing up] You mean, you believe me? Oh, can it be? Has all the hatred between us transmuted into something more? A friendship? A best friendship. [Sticks out fist for a fist tap] Knucks? [Finn slaps his fist away] Oh, ho ho, slaps in disgust, eh? Let's call them "Slappy D's"! Okay, see you later, my bosoms!

Ice King: I'm coming forth! Hee hee, is that the voice of friendship I hear? [Walks in the room with a board game] So, are you fellas ready for game night?

Finn: Game night? Well, that's weird.

Ice King: What? Why?

Finn: You do know how friends act, right? You've had friends before.

Ice King: I... yes?

Finn: Yeah, so you know how friends are always howling in pain for each other.

Ice King: Yeah... right! Everyone knows that! [Laughs awkwardly]

Finn: [Holds up the sound device] Will you howl for me, pal?

Ice King: Oooh, of course, friend. Awoo-hehehehe! Oh, I've got the sillies! I couldn't possibly without giggling uncontrollably. I'm just so giddy about you being here! [Laughs, falls on his back and grabs the bottom of his cloak and rocks back and forth] I'm a banana! [Laughs] Don't slip on me!