Welcome to the BlackLOG, this is the story of me, my wife - the long suffering "Mrs B", our cat "McG" and the various friends and acquaintances that we meet through life. It is all based around what happens to us, but is often stretched in an attempt to entertain. I do not deliberately set out to upset people but it occasionally happens (I have a fairly dark sense of humour at times).

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Thursday, 8 December 2011

It was the best of weeks it was the worst of weeks

This week’s title was Inspired by my blogging buddy over at Dear Diary.....Love Derangedafter she simultaneously posted about Chumbawamba while I was selecting their track Tub Thumping for one of the records of the week.

(Actually I published shortly before L-kat , the proprietor of Dear Diary.... , did but I’m not going to split any hairs over it – because quite frankly my hair is thin enough as it is thank you very much....).

Now while I was merely using them to provide a musicalaccompaniment, Love Deranged had the much more inspired idea of bringing Dickens into the equation with a hilarious literary confrontation with her brother and father.

For those of you who have difficulty clicking links Let me do the hard work for you and bring Dear Diary to you ......now you are going to have do a little bit of the work and imagine suitable transportation sounds – think of the transporter on Star Trek -

Please note, you are about to arrive at Dear Diary.....Love Deranged (so any "me" you may encounter is not actualy me but L-kat - confused you might be),just use your intercom when you want to beam back on board the BlackLOG

What do you mean you didn't get an intercom? Oh, you must be one of the security detail, in red shirts, so I suspect you are not going to make it back - have a nice day and try not to make a mess on your demise....

Brother and my dad were busy discussing all these classic books (don't get me wrong: I love to read and my bookcase boasts a lot of classics, but to be honest, I can't say I loved or understood all of the classics.....I prefer nonfiction books about science or history or crime). Anyway here is the one part of the conversation where I felt I had some knowledge to contribute:

Brother: "I'm writing an essay on the how the works of Dickens compare with......(fill in something really brilliant here.......I wasn't listening .....didn't understand..... simply forgot what he said).

Dad: "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."

Me: "Hell-yeah!Chumbawamba!!That is a great song!What does that have to do with Dickens?"[Please tell me someone remembers Chumbawamba and their one-hit "Tubthumping"?Please?]

Brother and Dad (speechless):................

Dad: "No, that is a quote from 'A Tale of Two Cities.'"

Me: "Oh!!I've read that book before! I don't think I finished it though.I must not have gotten to that quote."

Brother and Dad (speechless):................

Brother: "It's the first sentence."

Me (speechless):................

Don't be alarmed you will now find yourself dropping down to the comment section of "Dear Diary .....Love Deranged" for those of you who have never delved into a comment section before, don't worry it might get a little dark down there at times but it is very unlikely that you will get hurt and in some cases you might find some additional entertainment.

BlackLOG said...

Don’t feel bad, not many people realise that Charles Dickens often borrowed H.G.Wells’s Time Machine and spent his time going forward in history*plagiarising himself. In your defence in early versions of A tale of two cities “It was the best of times it was the worst of times” was the closing line. But after Chumba whamba popularised it old CD went back and put it up front. Just tell your dad and Brother that you must have read a pre changed version which fell through a worm hole in time and space....

* Side note surely if you go forward in history, it is no longer history it is future???

L-Kat reply - Ah-HA! I knew it! Remember when you commented on a very early post of mine about how it was you from the future....and now you bring up how CD could travel through time?.........I am beginning to suspect that you either

1. already have unlocked the secret to time travel, have traveled back in time to tell ol' CD about the great line from Chumbwama's song and urged him to add it to his book

2. have not discovered time travel, but love the movie Back to the Future. Either way, it boggles my mind....history? future? both?!?!?? HELP!!

Not only is the proprietor of love deranged (L-Kat) very entertaining she is also serial replier to comments - so get over your fear of Blinking (Blog linking) and go check her out.

In short (regular readers will appreciate that this is not a natural state for the BlackLOG) Mrs B and I had a busy week with lots of late night events followed by ridiculously early starts..... for Mrs B that is.

This means, however, that I have an even more ridiculously early start because, being the loving husband that I am (i.e. Mrs B is not at her best in the morning) to get her up I must provide encouragement in the form of copious amounts of tea, removal of bed covers and if all else fails gratuitiousfoot tickling....a very dangerous sport and should not be attempted without completing the full training course and having your life, health and inoculations up to date. To be fair Mrs Bhas never bitten me** but that rabid look is worrying and McG seems to have been sporting a few bites recently which I had put down to Mischief but thinking about it, I’m suddenly not so sure....

** I was in the supermarket the other day when I heard a commotion behind me and saw two small children sitting in the kiddie seats of a shoppingtrolley – I would estimate that they were both somewhere between 6 months and 15 years.Not being a parent or paedophile I’m not particularly up on child sizes and ages (one definitely had teeth so he must be at least 12).

Child one :- wah...wah...he bit my head (tempted as I am, I will refrain from calling child two Charlie)

Child two (not called Charlie) :- No I didn’t

Child one :- building his way to a full-on tantrum

Mother :– “Sorry I didn’t see, darling”

Me :– “I think the hair in one of your children’smouth might be more than circumstantial evidence!”

Mother :– “Oh yeah....don’t bite him again” (to child still not called Charlie)

Me :– “Or if you do, get rid of any evidence”

Mother :– Frowning in my general direction....

Monday

was not that bad,with Mrs B leaving the house at 7am and not returning home till gone 9pm, which sadly is pretty standard fare these days....although things didn't start well for Mrs B ....

Mrs B gets the chance to dance her way to work

For those of you who didn't know it Mrs B is a huge Strictly Come Dancing fan, so when she had the opportunity to dance her way to work, she jumped at it.... Her selected dance partner for the trip was our BMW – Carruthers.As they wererunning late they started off with a Quickstep but things went wrong when Carruthers decided to switch partners and attemted a cheeky little Foxtrot, unfortunately all Mr Fox could manage was an American Smooth, leaving Mrs B and Carruthers to Waltz off into the distance....

I drove passed about an hour later and can confirm the fox was truly performing a Smooth (In fact he was flat out at it), although I’m not sure about the American aspect, I would describe it more like a Road Smooth.

For the record Mrs B was devastated at the demise of our Vulpes vulpe***friend.... Some of you will probably be pleased to know that I decided not to provide a photo record of the event.....those of you disappointed, shame on you...

*** is it me or does the Red Fox seem to suffer from a bad stutter in latin....

Tuesday

Was a ridiculously early start - something like 5.00 am -Mrs B as she had a 7am meeting and since I was driving into London with her I got to share the joy.In the eveningit was off to the Union Chapel for KT Tunstall.A brilliant venue**** and a fantastic performance from KT.The confidence to stand with just a guitar, her voice and an Akai E2 Headrush loop pedal, which she affectionately calls "Wee Bastard" was amazing.One of the highlights of the evening was when KT climbed into the pulpit and sang unaccompanied - just incredible (see the Jukebox).Her stories in-between songs were beguiling and witty and from these we discovered her early musical years were spent busking on Church Street in Burlington, Vermont.

**** Very friendly staff and not judgemental of The Beast i.e. they don’t perform extensiveKitchen sinksearches and so The Beast can normally get in. I did write to KT for a photo pass but unlike James Grant she never replied...But she's cute so I'll give her a break...

The Entertainer...(Have I got a treat for you this evening.....)

Wednesday

Brought us to the joys of Mrs B’s profession’s annual awards dinner....Not that she was up for a awardherself but her boss was,for an outstanding lifetime achievement.This was the last award (and the only sensible one) of around 25 of the dullest awards I have ever heard of , let alone had to sit through...The host for the evening was the BBC journalist and newsreader Emily Maitlis, who deserved a special acting nomination for the enthusiasm that she managed to show for each of the categories.

My mind started to shut down so I can’t be entirely sure of the accuracy (i.e. I had to make them up) of the names of the awards....

·The best use of a full stop in a long sentence

·The dullest sentence in an audit

·The best sentence beginning with “the” in the northern hemisphere

·The best sentence not even containing a “the” in the northern hemisphere

Faced with a list of a further 20 equally dull awards and no knowledge of the candidates up for each of them I went into survival mode and started a competition with one of my table mates to guesswho would win each category.

After failing dismally to predictthe first 10 winners I could not contain my excitement at getting one right and such was my over enthusiastic celebration that the host for the evening, Emily Maitlis, looked over at our table and started to applaud me as the winner.I did my best to make both denial and apologetic signs to Emily and was much relieved when the actual winner, after a horrendously long pause, eventually got me out of the squirmy nightmare I was sinking into....

Thursday

was a moderately early start 6:30am – As we were meeting up in London in the evening, I dropped Mrs B at her office (no point both of us driving) and then fought my way to work, back through rush hour London traffic. As it was another new venue for me I decided not to risk The Beast - b “The Electric Ballroom Camden” – a venue which has been going for over 70 years (I believe it is still owned by the original proprietor) and has managed to survive a few recent attempts by London Underground to have it flattened.It’s a bit scruffy but has a certain charm and after I found my way upstairs proved an excellent venue for Mrs B to see The Pigeon Detectives. The Pigeon Detectives are a very lively band, demanding a lot from their devoted fans and enjoying nothing better than building them into a frenzy. Watching from on high gave an excellent view of the dynamics of a mosh pit in action,as young and not so young men charged into each other..

Friday

After yet another early start it was off to the West End to see “Driving Miss Daisy”

We have been fortunate to have seats inthe front rows of three very good West End plays this year, seeing:

Sadly the one thing that all three plays had in common turned out to be wanton smoking.For the third play running I found myself spluttering with eyes streaming.If,as is claimed, it is fake smoke it is mighty impressive and I just hope any cancer I get turns out to be fake as well.This time, a full 1/3 of the cast lit up and from my point of view it was fortunate that the cast consisted of just 3 performers...

James Earl Jones as the chauffeur was wonderful.That silky smooth voice has lost none of its vitality despite80 years of excellent service.As for Vanessa,I shall start with the bad.Her American accent as Miss Daisy was shakier than a building during a10 magnitude earthquake – I could have done a better job and I’m hopeless at accents.....but, to balance this out, she is 74 and, accent aside, her portrayal of Miss Daisy from a feisty 70 year old to a doddering 90 year old was spellbinding.Now, bearing in mind that both Mrs B and myself were absolutely knackered after a full-on, sleep starved week, (and it has not been unknown for me to push a few zzzzz in the theatre) were so caught up in the play that we remained alert andbright eyed for the entire performance.

It was a relief to make it to the weekend.Like I said: It was the Best of weeks (great gigs and theatre), it was the worst of weeks (not much sleep, a rather dull award dinner and certainly not great for Mr Fox ).

Now I have to admit to includingthe KT Tunstall gig for dramatic purposes, when it actuallyoccurred the week before but even without it, it was a hectic few days (although checking back through some of this years blogs it always seems a but hectic...perhaps I'm getting old....).

Snack of the decade

Handmade mince pie flavoured crisps.When I first heard about them I had to check a couple of things :-

1.That it was not April 1st i.e. an April Fool’s joke; (Which just happens to be Mrs B's Birthday)

2.That Mrs B was not around.She is not a fan of mincemeat or indeed of me eating inappropriate snacks i.e. not Mrs B sanctioned food items.

I can report this odd-sounding combination is absolutely to die for but you won’t catch me admitting that in the presence of a certain Mrs B...

For those of you who thought I was kidding ....

I wasn't....

BlackLOG rule No.27 You never joke about snacks

Watch of the week

The regular section in support of Joe (Stunt Cock) and his growing watch business Xupes. Joe mentioned that they had been getting a number of hits via the BlackLOG.

Xupes has been trading for over 2 years andJoe has recently developed some great contacts in the trade which enables him to pick up surplus stock and sell them at great prices. Mrs B is a regular purchaser from his jewellery section, going self service once she finally realised that her husband is not the jewellery buying type…

﻿Excellent condition Jaeger le Coultre Squadra Reverso GMT Chronograph automatic stainless steel watch on Black rubber coated stainless steel strap with stainless steel deployment buckle. This is the mens size measuring 41mm by 35mm. The dial is black. The watch is in excellent condition with original boxes, & manuals supplied from a UK authorized dealer on1st November 2011. This particular model is still sold in Jaeger le Coultre Boutiques Worldwide.

Record of the week

If you want to listen just press play on the Jukebox

Shanty of the Whale (Live at the Union Chapel ) KT Tunstall -- The video on the juke box is from the very show that we were attended...not sure who put the video up, so can't credit them, but I can thank them in their anonymity.

If Only (acoustic) by KT Tunstall - If only KT had let The Beast in legitimately I might have got some better pictures...

26 comments:

I saw Vanessa Redgrave in about 1968, when she was wonderful, and again about 10 years ago, playing Prospero at the Globe, when she was dire. Underplayed to the extent that she had no stage presence at all, and undervoiced so that we could hardly hear her.

Z said... I saw Vanessa Redgrave in about 1968, when she was wonderful, and again about 10 years ago, playing Prospero at the Globe, when she was dire. Underplayed to the extent that she had no stage presence at all, and undervoiced so that we could hardly hear her.I guess we are all entitled to our off days. We saw Paul McCartney in the 80’s and he was awful....It took some doing to talk Mrs B into seeing him last year but it proved very worthwhile ...

I have had so many moments like your dull awards dinner. Some things are just so boring, you have no choice but to make a game out of them. But, then, you get so wrapped up in the game, you inevitably make a fool out of yourself. My moments usually come in the form of an ill-timed, "HA! I TOLD YOU." Silence, stares...

I can also see you working a club door, "Ah, she has teeth and hair. I'd say she's probably of age."

Brooke said... I have had so many moments like your dull awards dinner. Some things are just so boring, you have no choice but to make a game out of them. But, then, you get so wrapped up in the game, you inevitably make a fool out of yourself. My moments usually come in the form of an ill-timed, "HA! I TOLD YOU." Silence, stares... I’ve managed to keep clear of this type of event – not having a professional body to fleece me for subs or bore me to tears....

I can also see you working a club door, "Ah, she has teeth and hair. I'd say she's probably of age." I can imagine this going wrong as I refuse entry to old people for not having their own teeth and hair

Scarlet Blue said... Blimey, that was a busy week! Poor Mr Fox.I have a tendency to do this overbooking thing on a regular basis – Always sad to see the death of an animal, even a terminally stupid one....

Did you see Paul McCartney at Wembly Arena, in about 1988/9? I saw him then... he was on form the night I saw him... and I'm not fanatical about him.SxI can confirm it would have been around 88/89 and it was indeed Wembley Arena....Not sure if it was Sir Paul (although it would have just been plain Mr Paul in those days ) or me who was off form that night....It was a time when I was going to even more gig than I go to now

I'm happy to see KT Tunstall is still relevant in the UK. Her US streak didn't last nearly long enough. I want her to come back! You guys get all the good contemporary pop musicians.

Also, I peed a little at the Chumbawumba story. I have fond memories of the Tubthumper album. Then, some years later, I went and read a wikipedia article on them. I had no idea that their badassery surpassed superhuman levels.

I'm happy to see KT Tunstall is still relevant in the UK. Her US streak didn't last nearly long enough.KT ran naked across America ...damn I would liked to have seen that.....although being off Scottish decent she would probably have translucent white skin with a hint of lotus blossom from her birth Mothers side....

I want her to come back! You guys get all the good contemporary pop musicians. Great for us in that she played a fantastic small venue like the Union Chapel but not great I suspect for her bank balance ....she is a greatly undervalued talent but then again most of the music I latch onto seems to become greatly undervalued. I would appear to be the Jonah of the music world....Sorry KT sounds like i’ve destroyed another promising career. I guess the Beatles must count themselves lucky that I was not old enough to get into them before they split up....

Also, I peed a little at the Chumbawumba story.It is becoming clear to me that I’m going to have to start publishing exerts from other peoples blogs – I get a much better response than for my Shoddy Blogging efforts – Jas anything you want be to republish for you?

I have fond memories of the Tubthumper album. Then, some years later, I went and read a wikipedia article on them. I had no idea that their badassery surpassed superhuman levels.I have a feeling that as ardent anarchists they were not very happy with the fame and fortune that came with Tubthumper.... Still they did target John Prescott one of the most vile politicians to ever slither across the earth ....so they can’t be all bad

JUST ME said... Mince pie flavored chips?No not mince pie flavoured French fries that would be silly....When I tell you the crisp (ok chip, I would not want to confuse you further) acts like a short crust pastry...does it not make a bit more sense

This confuses my American brain. Tempting as it is to say “American and brain?” I won’t, that would be just rude....

I am so incredibly flattered I don't even know what to type! Thank you so much for including my Dickens/Chumbawama story in your post. Although, I am certain you did this just to clarify that it was, indeed, you, not I, who posted about "Tubthumping" first. Or maybe you just wanted the world to know that I credit you with being the first Earthling capable of time travel. Either way, I'm suspicious of your motives, BlackLog.....I'm onto you!!! But seriously, thank you.

"Mother :– “Oh yeah....don’t bite him again” (to child still not called Charlie)"You know that by clearly stating this child is not Charlie, I had to call him that throughout that entire story? You did this on purpose, didn't you?

"*** is it me or does the Red Fox seem to suffer from a bad stutter in latin.... "My favorite Latin stutterer is Alces alces, the moose. Sorry to hear about your loss of Mr. Fox.

"The best sentence not even containing a “the” in the northern hemisphere"Have you heard of the Buffalo sentence? I think this one should win....Wikipedia it.....and then, make sense of it and tell me what it means!

"I could have done a better job and I’m hopeless at accents"I am going to agree with this statement, but only because I remember you saying, "The only thing that I was guilty of murdering was the American accent – as it hopped around the west coast, the east coast, Texas and other parts of the world not even vaguely connected to America. The only good thing to be said about my attempted accent was that it was consistently inconsistent"However, consistently inconsistent is a good thing!

Sounds like you have had quite the week! Thanks again for the shoutout for my blog - you're awesome (and I thought that before you told people to look at my blog!). And great pictures....I'm glad no one fought with The Beast.

Well, today was one of my golfing days. It did not go well. We met in the lounge afterwards, where I consumed a generous glass of wine--my first "food" of the day. Had I known that by checking out your blog, I would be treated to your version of "War and Peace," I would have saved your post for tomorrow morning, since I am rather bleary-eyed at the moment.

As for my rant against reality t.v., one does not have to actually WATCH this trash--the previews are quite enough. Thanks for your comment, though.

L-Kat said... I am so incredibly flattered I don't even know what to type! Thank you so much for including my Dickens/Chumbawama story in your post. Although, I am certain you did this just to clarify that it was, indeed, you, not I, who posted about "Tubthumping" first. Or maybe you just wanted the world to know that I credit you with being the first Earthling capable of time travel. Either way, I'm suspicious of your motives, BlackLog.....I'm onto you!!! But seriously, thank you.Damn, you saw through my cunning plan....I guess I’m going to have to travel back through time and have a blog over...

"Mother :– “Oh yeah....don’t bite him again” (to child still not called Charlie)"You know that by clearly stating this child is not Charlie, I had to call him that throughout that entire story? You did this on purpose, didn't you?All my secrets coming out in one comment....Not sure where this leaves me to go.....

"*** is it me or does the Red Fox seem to suffer from a bad stutter in latin.... "My favorite Latin stutterer is Alces alces, the moose. Sorry to hear about your loss of Mr. Fox. Sounds like it was those damn Romans who had the stutter....I mean, what have the Romans ever done to us? .... All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?

"The best sentence not even containing a “the” in the northern hemisphere"Have you heard of the Buffalo sentence? I think this one should win....Wikipedia it.....and then, make sense of it and tell me what it means!I hadn’t heard of a Buffalo sentence and now that I have found out what it is, I really wish I hadn’t. I got a headache trying to work it out and all the Buffalos escaped while I was off looking for some aspirin....leaving far more Buffalo droppings than is healthy...

"I could have done a better job and I’m hopeless at accents"I am going to agree with this statement, but only because I remember you saying, "The only thing that I was guilty of murdering was the American accent – as it hopped around the west coast, the east coast, Texas and other parts of the world not even vaguely connected to America. The only good thing to be said about my attempted accent was that it was consistently inconsistent"However, consistently inconsistent is a good thing! Harsh but fair....perhaps I can work on my acting skills playing someone going from 70 to 96 – without getting a speeding ticket...

Sounds like you have had quite the week! Thanks again for the shoutout for my blog - you're awesome (and I thought that before you told people to look at my blog!). And great pictures....I'm glad no one fought with The Beast.My pleasure, it’s a great blog and I don’t see why I should have all the fun....

Judie said... Well, today was one of my golfing days. It did not go well. We met in the lounge afterwards, where I consumed a generous glass of wine--my first "food" of the day. Had I known that by checking out your blog, I would be treated to your version of "War and Peace," I would have saved your post for tomorrow morning, since I am rather bleary-eyed at the moment.Don’t beat yourself up over it – To be brutally honest the BlackLOG probably doesn’t improve, even after a good nights sleep....

As for my rant against reality t.v., one does not have to actually WATCH this trash--the previews are quite enough. Thanks for your comment, though.That might be true but to see those adverts you must be watching the type of program that attracts the type of people who watch that type of trash and so thus gets all the adverts....

Al Penwasser said... James Earl Jones is 80?? Good God, that Jedi Age-Defying trick must be working wonders.I hear George Lucas is selling it in a cream form now.... Jedi “You don’t see any wrinkles, here” cream.

Actually, I thought I was safe with A&E,as it used to be known as the Arts and Entertainment network. As far as I am concerned, the Entertainment portion has become Excrement portion, and it is really piling up!!

Judie said... Actually, I thought I was safe with A&E,as it used to be known as the Arts and Entertainment network. As far as I am concerned, the Entertainment portion has become Excrement portion, and it is really piling up!!Sounds like it would be a good time to get a rose garden....

You just had to post the pictures didn't you? Go on ahead and rub it in. KT is brilliant and baddass and all that. I've still never seen her live, but really am glad you got to enjoy the show. Looks like you had good seats too.You lucky bugger!

theperpetualspiral said... Lately I've been guilty of not commenting due to looking at your posts via my blog reader.To be honest I’m still surprised and delighted that people have the energy to read my drivel yet alone comment on it...Does blog reader help take away the pain of shifting through long winded badly written blogs?

However, just wanted to say that I've found Union Chapel a great venue for live music.Who have you seen there? As well as KT, I’ve been lucky enough to catch Athlete and Starsailor supported by Bombay Bicycle Club....

I think I might also be responsible for many click throughs to your friends watch site. Alas the watch I seek continues to alude me!Sorry about the cruelty of putting up the links – I’m not sure he gets many sales but he seems to get more hits through the BlackLOG than the Blacklog gets itself....sounds like I’ve found out why...Hopefully one day the watch of your dreams will come into reach....

A Beer for the Shower said... You just had to post the pictures didn't you? Go on ahead and rub it in. KT is brilliant and baddass and all that. I've still never seen her live, but really am glad you got to enjoy the show. Looks like you had good seats too.You lucky bugger!Guilty as charged, on all counts..... if she wasn’t married and I wasn’t married we still wouldn’t be together but it’s nice for her to have a dream.....

By the way, the fake smoke/fake cancer line killed me. I can only hope it was a fake killing, unlike the job Mrs B and Carruthers did on Mr Fox A.K.A.”No head” to his friends and family