Donald Trump has an app. Actually, it's the best app, believe him. It's called America First, and Donald Trump is hearing a lot of people saying: maybe this is the best app of all time? Donald Trump agrees with them. Only haters and losers would say it's a rip-off of Crooked Hillary's app and to those who say it's more poorly designed, Donald Trump has just two words for you: says who? Not Donald Trump. Besides, why isn't the corrupt media talking about how Hillary's app ripped off Farmville first? Disgraceful! Donald Trump's app is way better than Crooked Hillary's app, because it's all about The Donald. At least, that's what Donald Trump's hearing a lot of people saying. Believe him!

Like a thin stream of flatulence squeezing inaudibly past two widely spread ass cheeks, the America First app was released with little fanfare last week by the Trump/Pence campaign. Even by Trump standards, it's a slipshod, phoned-in affair—an app so inconsequential, it's hard to gather one's stochastic impressions together into something as fully formed as a review. It's exactly like Hillary Clinton's app, which we previously reviewed here, except without anything that made that app fun or well-designed, and with an extra dose of bitterness for good measure.

As in Clinton's app, America First serves to keep Trump supporters apprised of all the important rallies and debates coming up in the campaign, inform users about what could charitably be called Trump's plans and policies, gather information on voters, distribute talking points, and solicit for campaign contributions. What made Clinton's app so well-designed was that it did a pretty good job gamifying these things. Users won stars for completing a set number of in-app tasks every day (take a quiz, like Hillary Clinton on Facebook, watch a campaign ad), which could then be spent as an in-app currency to upgrade your virtual campaign office, FarmVille style. Every day, there were more tasks, encouraging people to come back.

Trump's app is basically the same idea, except with zero refinement, sense of regulation, or substance. Just like Trump! In America First, you win action points instead of stars for finishing quizzes, watching ads, and more. ("It is up to Donald J. Trump for President campaign to decide how many points an action is worth and how often it can be accomplished for points," the app's FAQ sternly warns.) Unlike in Clinton's app, though, there's nothing to spend those points on: all earning points does is place you higher in the rankings of the Trump Faithful, with rankings like "Apprentice," "Patriot," "TeamTrump," "TrumpForce 1" (Does Donald Trump intend on renaming Air Force One if he's elected president? Apparently so!) and so on.

There's also a newsfeed, which is just a feed of Trump's famously unhinged Twitter account, and an Info & Events tab that gives information on Trump's official positions—the Trump app conspicuously avoids calling them campaign promises—as well as calendar entries for upcoming events. But it's all just so barebones: the digital design equivalent of a "Make America Great Again" rally hat. Where as Clinton's app had design talent from Etsy, Timehop, Livestream, and DreamWorks Animation behind it, Trump's app looks like it was designed over a weekend using some off-the-shelf app toolkit, which probably isn't that far from the truth: the app's developer, Political Social Media LLC, has created nearly identical apps for the NRA, Rand Paul, and even Ted Cruz.