Motherhood hasn’t brought expected joy

Dear Carolyn: My husband and I always wanted children, and six months ago we were blessed with a wonderful, healthy baby girl. I love her to pieces, but whenever someone asks how I am “enjoying” motherhood, I guess the answer is ... not all that much.

My husband and I had such a great life before this, and now I feel sucked into this vortex of constant, constant care that is mentally and physically draining. Yes, there are moments of joy, but most of the time is just a grind, mixed in with intense bouts of worry.

I do stay home with her full-time and work from home part-time, but my husband is extremely hands-on, and we have family nearby who will happily give us the occasional break. I know how incredibly lucky I am, especially to have a healthy child, but I sometimes fantasize about an alternative life of just my husband and me, traveling, going out to dinner, enjoying life as a couple for the rest of our lives.

I guess I’m just surprised that actually having a kid isn’t what I expected. Does this change as they get older? What is wrong with me that I don’t seem to be enjoying this?

Blindsided

Dear Blindsided: Your feelings are totally normal, and I’m sorry you haven’t found someone you can confide in about the numbing grind of baby care. It’s hard.

Harder for some than others, and some babies are harder than others, but there’s little that’s easy about having someone depend on you constantly and completely.

So that’s the first thing I’d suggest – finding a sympathetic ear anywhere from old friends to a group for new moms, by putting out feelers to see whether you can safely talk about this.

You do have to be careful, because your very real feelings have the very real potential to upset, even offend someone who has infertility problems unknown to you, or who lost a baby.

As for your questions:

• Change is guaranteed – and yes, generally for the better.

• What is wrong with you? Nothing, most likely.

You can’t know for sure till you get there, but you may be among those who vastly prefer older kids to babies.

So hang in there.

Travel and dinners aren’t dead, they’re just on hiatus. ■

Email Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com, or chat with her online at noon Fridays