Writing Activity: Satirical Instructions

Write a set of intimidating or satirical instructions in the second person on how to be a writer.

The aim of being a writer is not, as it may at first seem, to entertain. The true purpose is to educate. The genuine writer wishes to open up a window to his or her soul, and show the world the insights gleaned through their life’s journey.

Oh dear! That lets me out then. I haven’t done anything exciting to write home about!

Your purpose is not to chase fame and fortune. It is to bring to life the love of language and the written word, to those who may never have had a chance to learn before what you can tell them.

Gulp. How on earth am I going to do that? I only wanted to write a J.K. Rowlings-type story, in the hopes of making a bob or two. I wonder if I could ask for my money back?

Grammar, or Syntax, are to be correct at every junction of your writing. This way sloppiness is held at bay, and your writing will be more acceptable to all who matter.

I wonder what syntax means? I’ll look it up on Google when I get home. Looks like I’m going to have to dig out all my old English books as well – Bums!