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Corny Jokes

Hardee had had! Har!

Okay, I’m back. Thank you for letting my voice be heard.

Second, I have no explanation for this, but a couple of weeks ago I slowly began tweeting, and retweeting, corny jokes. Some of the jokes were classics I’d forgotten about since I was nine, and many others were corny jokes I’d never heard before. I derived a great deal of enjoyment from reading, then tweeting/retweeting, these corny jokes. Marlboro man would walk in, find me huddled over my laptop, laughing hysterically and slapping my leg, and he would turn on his heels, gather up the kids, and leave the house for another few hours. “Mommy has to rest,” he’d tell the kids.

Corny humor is possibly my favorite brand of humor. It’s right up there with dry humor, slapstick humor, and Basset Hound humor. It’s just so corny. And adults and kids alike can laugh at it. There’s no maturity level required.

Again, it’s my kind of humor.

And so today, because it’s a short week, because I have no idea what day it is, because life is funny, and because we all need a laugh on this Friday morning (Or is it Tuesday?) here is a sampling of the best corny jokes I’ve heard over the past three weeks or so.

I hereby order you to chuckle.

What do you call a cow that just had a baby?
Decalfinated.

What do you call exploding underwear?
Fruit of the BOOM!

Why was the baby strawberry crying?
‘Cause his mom and dad were in a jam.

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
Bi-son.

What does a mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra.

What does a nosy pepper do?
Gets jalapeño business.

Why did the orange go out with the prune?
Because he couldn’t find a date.

What do you call a retired cowboy?
Deranged.

What did 0 say to 8?
“Nice belt!”

What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!

Did you hear the news about the corduroy pillows?
They made headlines.

How do you organize an outer space party?
You planet.

What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
Dam!

Proton: I think I lost an electron.Neutron: Are you sure?Proton: Yep, I’m positive!

Why do melons have big weddings?
Because they cantaloupe.

What is the definition of a farmer?
Someone who is outstanding in his field.

What did the mayonnaise say when someone opened the fridge?
“Close the door! I’m dressing!”

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work?
A stick.

What did the judge say when the skunk walked in?
Odor in the court.

Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa baa shop.

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying “Bach-Bach-Bach!”

(Thanks to Ginger, Colleen, Kiersten, Jennifer, Brad, Elise, and all the other corny joke lovers who shared these with me via email and Twitter!)