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My 2nd question is: Dear All,This guy has been the source of my curiosity, disappointment and enjoyment for the past 2 mths since I knew him. If you have read my past posts before, you would remember that he pulled last minute invitations to me, which I didn't mind at first and refused to in the end. So about a month ago, he disappeared when he didn't call me back after his overseas holiday. I didn't do anything about it and tried to forget him. Three days ago, he sent me a chain message and I started our conversation by commenting on it. He asked me what I'm doing after work and I told him that I had plan to go to a place nearby his office building and apartment with some friends.

He left his work earlier to meet me. I enjoyed our talks together before a girl friend of mine joined us at the table. When it's time for me to have dinner with the rest of my friends, he went to fix his glasses and bought some dvds. He would joined me and my friends later for drinks later on. So he did joined me later on and brought some dvds for me too.

My gal friend thinks that he knows how to treat a girl and definitely has some interests on me. But, she said she can't be sure if he wants to take it to the next level until his next move. He blackberry messaged me that night that lasted until the next day. It wasn't anything much that we talked about, but he replied almost immediately and I thought it was a good sign. So at the end of our conversation, he asked me what am I going to do that Saturday night and I said probably just going to watch some dvds at home since I didn't feel like joining the rest of my friends for a movie.

I told him that if he has some better plan to do, just let me know. But, he didn't get back at me.There I let him has the ball on his court! When we met, I also made it clear to him that I'm open for his invitations. I don't think I should contact him if he wouldn't contact me. He's just so mysterious.. I don't even know how old is him since our conversations never touch that base.

I'm guessing around 5 yrs). All other guys that I see would ask me these kind of questions, but he didn't....

Pulling last minute invitations, disappearing, not calling back are not good signs. He doesn't know how to treat a girl. To me these are "deal breakers". Instead of asking you what you were doing Saturday night, why didn't he book you? Because he is keeping his options open. Because you are letting him. Don't tell a guy if he has some better plans to just let you know.

You are not a priority at the present time.Don't allow yourself to be treated like this. Do not wait around for him. If he calls you at the last minute and asks what you are doing say you have plans. I know how hard this is to do when you want to be with someone. If he is truly interested in you, he will make the effort..

Comment #1

Hmm I'm not waiting around for him to make plans. I just truly didn't feel like going out with my friends and if he wanted to ask me out it's great, if not I'll at least know how we stand. I let him have the ball and if he doesn't throw it back to me, I'll know that I should completely forget him and not letting him leading me on.Anyway, you are right in every way. I don't want to be with someone like him.. Thanks for your two cents!..

Comment #2

Hi Ponytail:I hope I didn't sound too cut and dried about it. It's just that I have been in this kind of relationship-cancellations, disappearing, not getting back to me, last minute "what are you doing right now". It really did a number on my head.I felt very used and disrespected. When he cancelled on me (with some flimsy excuse) at the last minute for a special evening we had planned I finally had enough. I broke up with him on the spot and never looked back. He got exactly what he deserved. I hope things work out for you...

Comment #3

Hey Barbie,We all have our share of bad dates before, haven't we? heheThe really funny thing is that when it comes to someone else's problem, we quickly know what the person should do. When it comes to our own problems, we are too dazed to see what's obvious.When you summarize my relationship (thru Match.com) with this guy, I'm taken back because I see how things truly look from your perspective and you sound all correct. Thank you for your help in a way..

Comment #4

So true Ponytail. It is easy to have perspective when it is somebody else we are talking about. For the record, I dated this loser for one and a half years. During that time, my friends heard all about my issues with him. Although they were supportive, the message was clear- they wanted me to kick him to the curb. I was madly in love with him.

I kept giving him another chance. I couldn't let him go until I finally had enough of his shenanigans.All the best to you in you love life, I hope it turns out better than mine!..

Comment #5

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.