Abstaining by choice

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oneLifeWithParis wrote:

Since I found out I’m pregnant I haven’t had sex at all and I’m not interested in starting now. The main reason is my bf is “blessed/cursed” with a 9 inch tool and it’s far too uncomfortable. Is it possible to go an extended period and resume a normal sex life down the road? I know my bf won’t be happy, but that’s where I am right now.

I’m with you. I had spotting at 4 weeks and my doctor put me on pelvic rest for a few weeks. I decided then I’m holding out at least for the first trimester. I know they say sex doesn’t cause miscarriages but I had at a loss at 16 weeks in the past and the bleeding started immediately following sex. It’s really got me paranoid. Thankfully my husband is very understanding and doesn’t push it.

Lol we havnt had much sex at all. Once a month maybe lol if that? I feel bad but I also don’t. I’m really not in the mood for it and I’m also worried about baby bc I’ve had a miscarriage before and want to do everything I can to protect this baby

Yes it’s possible to resume back. I was on pelvic rest (aka no sex) my first pregnancy and it took me some time to heal after baby (past the standard 6 weeks). All in all we didn’t have sex for a year!! Even past that. And this was just 6 months ago and I’m preggo now haha so there you go.

I had short cervix with my first pregnancy and dr put me on pelvic rest basically the whole pregnancy! My husband was more than happy to keep our baby safe. Now we r expecting again and we decided to go on pelvic rest just so we don’t risk it. We are both happy with our decision and of course we miss having sex but we can sacrifice for the sake of our baby. We didn’t have any issue resuming our sex life after such a long time. Do what is best for you

Im in the same boat no sex for us due to previous miscarriages this is going to be a long year.... and then some.I haven't even wanted to be touched by him since I've been pregnant :/ Im 11 weeks And to make it worse I caught him talking to a girl online a couple days ago my heart broke he knew that we were not going to be able to have sex if I got pregnant again but he said it would be fine that a baby is more important.when I confronted him about talking to her he just said well we don't have any sex or any sexual contact anymore that was his excuse.I knew this was going to be a issue even though he assured me it wouldn't. :/ sorry just needed to vent

I'm just not in the mood to have sex. It's not that I have discomfort or anything because we have had sex a few times since we found out I was pregnant. I have zero sex drive and yeah I feel kinda bad because he is always in the mood (but he's a man so when aren't they) but I just do other things to satisfy him. I'm hoping the drive comes back in the second trimester.

I’ve learned that even if you “aren’t in the mood” (rarely am I) I just do it. It can be uncomfortable at times, but when it hurts I tell him and he either stops or goes slower or not as deep. I don’t always have to have an orgasm to have sex. Makes him feel good and less cranky. I’ll give up 10 mins to make him less of a grouch. Hahaha

You can be intimate without penetration. I learnt that on my first pregnancy and we'll probably do the same this one. You may not be in the mood now, but at some point your hormones may get you there. If you are uncomfortable with penetration you can try other stuff.

My husband is blessed too so I get it. Honestly I’d prefer it if he wasn’t. We’ve only been having sex about once a week to two weeks. One I don’t feel good, two I feel unattractive, and three I was extremely dry in nether region the entire first trimester. Unfortunately my husband is not understanding so I know I’m going to need to step up my game soon.

if you're healed after 6 weeks (normal vaginal delivery) most OBs will give the go ahead for sex. I had 4th degree tearing and although the doctor said i was "fully healed" after 9 weeks I didnt have sex until 4 months pp.

did your doctor tell you no sex? I’ve had 2 previous miscarriages and my doctor assured me sex was safe. I also had no problems with me first pregnancy. Also you can still have sexual contact with out sex. A year is way to long for a healthy relationship.

I didn’t tear and I was funny healed but my OB says internally where the placenta detaches your not. Having sex before the 12 week mark puts you at increased risk of infection, just because you seem or feel healed doesn’t mean you are.

I did for the first 8 weeks. I was exhausted all the time, we had been trying to get pregnant for a year and needed a break, and I was afraid of causing bleeding. Then from weeks 9-12 I was sick as a dog and even though we didn't discuss it, I'm sure my husband wasn't interested in doing me over a toilet bowl. But then I started feeling better and just in the last week (I turned 15 weeks today) I have been completely insatiable. My sex drive has come back with way more force than I've ever had in 26 years. It's a little embarrassing to talk about, but it's the truth. I literally want him every second of the day and he's not even there for 8 hours of it. We have done things in the last few days that we've never even thought about and I've loved every minute. And since you said it, I'm going to as well. My husband's packing 9 inches too! And there have definitely been times over the years it was uncomfortable, but not anymore! If you ever get this crazy symptom, you won't be able to abstain. You'll literally be jumping his bones as they say. But until/unless you do, you shouldn't do anything you're not comfortable with. Your body is going through a lot right now and you need to rest and take care of it. Hopefully your bf will be understanding like my husband. And he'll definitely be happy if you end up like I am right now, lol.

My relationship with my SO is amazing, but we’re not having sex yet. I had a miscarriage in May that really scared me. I bled constantly from sex with my DS, although it was just fine. Technically, I KNOW that there’s no link, and my midwives have not put me on any sort of pelvic rest. But the idea still scares me. I’m planning to take it one day at a time, and I’ve been super honest with my SO. I think once my pregnancy is a little more established, and I get back final blood test results, etc I will feel better about trying again.