The hats will caress your head like a "Magic Kippah," and so silky smooth is the jersey that when Mario Cipollini sampled it at Interbike he immediately commissioned Walz to make him 20 pairs of underwear and a set of king-sized bedsheets out of the same fabric.*

*[This is not true.]

But yeah, it's a really nice jersey, and I can't wait until the winter's over so I can actually ride in the thing instead of just wearing it around the house and air-cycling** in the bathroom mirror.

**[Air-cycling is the bike equivalent of air guitar; it's when you put your fists out in front of you like you're in the drops and then squint intently like you're descending at Fred "Wooo-hoo-hoo-hoo!" speed.]

I should also point out that if you need a plastic windshield just to ride your local trail you should probably stay off it altogether until it dries out, lest you invoke the ire of your local IMBA chapter:

Or at the very least you could lay off the gratuitious skidding:

Best of all, when you get to where you're going all you do is unzip:

Extricate yourself from your rolling garment bag:

Throw the whole system over the shoulder of your corduroy jacket:

And run off into the sea due to sheer embarrassment, never to be seen or heard from again:

Appropriately, the accompanying track, the hard-rocking "Mountain Lion," concerns the misplaced outrage over performance-enhancing drugs. "The amount of attention given to PEDs is incredible," says Commerford, "especially when you consider the amount of drugs – recreational, illegal and pharmaceutical – that America supports and profits from."

Wow, man. Now that's deep.

But what I couldn't get past was this:"Lance is a friend, an awesome person and, as far as I'm concerned, a punk rocker," he says.

Really? "Punk rocker?" Are you kidding me?!? I find that offensive. Hey, I'm fairly pragmatic when it comes to his Tour wins (and yes, he did win them), but Lance Armstrong is categorically and objectively not a "punk rocker." I don't care what your definition of punk is--whether it's Discharge or David Byrne or something in between, this guy ain't it. Come on, even post-Oprah he's as corporate as they come! If Lance Armstrong is punk rock then what does that make Thom Weisel, Malcom McLaren?

(Cash from chaos.)

Actually, there may be something to that.

Nevertheless, I suppose we should remember that this guy's old band, Rage Against The Machine, did change the world with their politically charged frat rock/rap, assuming your definition of "changed the world" is "got college dudes pumped to get tribal armband tattoos back in the '90s."

The bike-friendly ambulance "is eliminating some of the concerns that our patients had in the past when they were like, 'I'm not going to the hospital if I have to leave my bike here,'" Steve Main, PVH's director of emergency medical services told The Coloradoan.

This is bike-friendly? Oh, come on! Yeah, like I'm gonna visit the town with the bike racks on the freaking ambulances. Clearly the local officials already know where I'm going to wind up. How far is this town from where Matthew Beaudin was hit, anyway?

Seems to me that riding in a town with bike racks on the ambulances is like eating in a restaurant where they put Imodium on the table as a condiment: nobody's expecting it to end well.

Oh the immodium zinger. my coworkers are wondering why I am laughing so much. That song SUCKED. it was a painful less than 5 minutes because I stopped as soon as Lance was done. I'm going to go wash my ears out with Listerine now. Have a great humpday friends. Might pop an immodium too, just for good measure

Broke my collarbone in 1998, 11 ribs and a punctured lung.Never ride behind three guys you've never taken turns pulling with.I have a titanium plate on the collarbone now that sets off the metal detector in Colorado Springs airport.

OMG I laughed... heh heh. Cheers, Snobberdooders. I needed that after last night's crash. Drugs are not enough.

Um, and speaking on behalf of the rest of those crash test dummies out there, ARE YOU KIDDING?!!? Bike racks on ambulances are a GREAT idea!!

DB - yikes. I have had a collapsed lung, but punctured? That's bad. Very very bad. People die that way. And strangely enough, though I have metal in my wrist, elbow, rotator cuff, and wrapped around my collarbone, I don't set off the detectors. Prolly cause they used that old skoool stainless steel in me, and not my beloved Ti.

Lance..first we were sure he wasn't doping, then we were unsure, now we're positive. Lance..first we like the guy, then thought he might actually be the asshole everyone says he was, now we're sure about it.

When you think about it, Lance Armstrong is a mirror image of Rob Ford. Both were popular when younger, both fucked up on drugs, both got cancer in the scranal area, both are hated now by cyclists, both won the Criterium Dauphinee.

I guess that's what triathlon does to people. Everything I learned as a cyclist...gone, tossed away like an empty pack of GU. It's been 42 years since I got that 10 speed. I could change tires, adjust brakes, you name it. Now after five triathlons, I'm lucky if I can close the velcro straps on my Sidi's. Sometimes I forget how to zip up my fly.(fortunately, I wear bibshorts). I don't think I could even do a decent endo like the guy in the video. I'd probably go low and chin first, like Cipo. for his bowl of 'wheaties'. After 20 years the 10 speed cracked at the seat stay...(I don't know what that means anymore)..that led to the specialized & Cat 5 racing...then a Fred bike ...then I realized it wasn't the bike holding me back....then the specialized came out of the basement for commuting...wider tires! fenders! I held the party line...then like that fayal glass of beer/lineofcoke/hit of smack/meth...I drifted into the cheap thrills of triathlon.....yeah man let me tell you about bricks...I don't just shit them or shoot them.....but...the worst was forgetting how to pump my tires...not even that aging hipster on the gwb would help...if you don't mind, I'll just nip around the corner and shoot myself

Leroy:Tell your dog I visited the Chinook Bookstore every time I visited my daughter at Colorado College. I was unaware that they closed as I haven't been back in many years. That's a shame.The turquoise jewelry store and the artisanal candle shop next door probably needed more room.

Leroy:I think she graduated '03 or '04.Broke my heart when she graduated. That is a great town. Josh and Johns, that pizza place downtown and the bar in the house where I first tasted the mojito. Liked to drive up the mountain to Manitou Springs for breakfast.When did you graduate?

Sorry, Richard Breaks:I thought I was talking with Leroy. Need to look up more.I texted my daughter for CC info, but it's the middle of the night where she is, so may not get info today.You CC grads are pretty successful.

A City of New York official just announced that city ambulances will be equipped with guillotines, which will be used to put bicyclist and pedestrian victims of car mauling out of their misery. This will save the cost of transporting the hapless auto fodder, and spare the exonerated driver any further emotional distress.

I would argue that Lance is no more of a dick than your average Michael Jordan level "one of the best ever" athletes. Most of us mortals could never come close to comprehending what it takes and what it is like to be in that position but that doesn't stop us from jealously criticizing these people like we do. And get over it, Lance used drugs like 100% of the top level cyclists at the time, he was just better at it and a better rider.

Anonymous @ 2:30:I think the lesson here and one I've learned the hard way, is be careful who you choose for your heroes. And never have a sports hero. They're the ones who'll let you down.You folks are my heroes. You get up in the morning, go to work, raise families and have a great sense of humor (humour for our northern friends).Just sayin'.

Anon @ 2:30 - are you kidding? It's not the drugs that makes him so unpopular now. After all, this is CYCLING we are talking about. The very sport itself is a form of cheating, taking an itty bitty amount of energy and turning it into impressive speed and distance. No. It's the way he destroyed the lives of the people who didn't fall into line that have turned him into a pariah today. Sure, dope is for dopes, and yes, we cyclists are all dopes in some form or another, but in the end, who you are, and how you treat the people around you really does count for something.

DB - Twas I, Richard Breaks (my friends call me Dick), who went to CC. I graduated in '93, so it was a little before your daughter's time. As for the pain of leaving the Spgs., it's been 20+ years since I graduated and I still wish I could go back. I applied for a faculty position once upon a time, but, sadly, I was not deemed worthy.

I'm pretty sure anyone even remotely involved in the punk movement has refered to their peers or the music as "punk rock" or referred to themselves as being non-ironically "yolked"...clueless douchebags on the other hand...

A bike sail, Lance is a punk rocker, and in IMARUNEMINADEETCH-ville they put cow-catchers on the front of the meat wagons to push the dead cyclists out of the way so as not to impede traffic. Putting on some Ramones and sniffing glue to finish the day. I wanna be sedated.

Central California afternoon. Temps in the high sixties. Forty mile easy ride: Dunkin’ Doughnuts and cold Coke at the turn-round. No Punk, no Cipo, no Lance, no PEDs, no snow, no LEAFXPRO, no crashes. Musing about Snobby’s Blog…Babble’s legs. California dreamin’…..

Dear Mr. Anonymous at 2:22 PM -- how can you not like a genre that has given us so much?

Heck, my dog just reminded me that the Sex Pistols' mot juste summation of the human condition in God Save the Queen -- "no future, no future, no future for you" -- predated a similar Seinfeld observation "No soup for you" by almost twenty years.

Honestly duder, it's almost like you're trying to be a cultural cipher.

The sidebar about Coloradi Springs - I once got sort of lost on the gold mine trail on a rented mountaineering beik - good fun until someone coming the other way said something about a mountaineering lion - I pedaled faster

LEAFXPRO has a bicycle related application? And all these years I've smuggly walked past their displays at Costco, feeling grateful that I don't own a house. So you're sure they're not just for keeping the leaves out of your gutters? It doesn't even look like the same product.

I think you may be right, perhaps Halloween candy isn't the best reason to race at breakneck speed through the London traffic. We're making some script changes - I think you'll like them, instead of candy the Alleycats are going to be competing for Easter eggs! Better, right? I thought it was a nice touch to tie in to my Swiss heritage, I used to be a chocolatier..... One thing, I'd appreciate it if you didn't make fun of my eye condition, laserbeam eyes are a serious condition man. On the plus side, it makes post production much more fun :)

I know this is late....remember Erma Bombeck? Advice humorist from back in the day. Would have been a great blogger. One of her quotes I've always remembered whenever my skiing friends recommend their "sport".

"I do not participate in any sport that has ambulances at the bottom of the hill."

About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!