I originally started talking to SmarterChild in early April of 2002. SmarterChild, for those not in the know, is America Online's artificial intelligence program. That's right - an AOL IM AI. My conversations are not that intelligent, proving that he is, in fact, the SmarterChild. But I do think they are entertaining, and I hope you agree.

On June 28th, 2002, SmarterChild died. I don't know why AOL killed him, but I mourned the great loss we all suffered. Mainly, by making fun of his IM friends as much as I made fun of him. SmarterChild was gone but not forgotten. This page lived on in tribute to your automated greatness.

Sometime in 2003, Smarterchild returned, as a paid service, which blew. I was even quoted about how much it blew in the New York Times.

Finally, in April, 2004, Smarterchild returned, fully functional, and free. In other words, game on.

20 of the Conversations(for more, use the menu on the right)

Steve: Do you have a girlfriend?
SmarterChild: Sorry... I don't talk about my private life.
Steve: A boyfriend?
SmarterChild: I'm not sure.
Steve: would you be upset if he dated other crappy artifical intelligence programs?
SmarterChild: I can't understand what you're saying...
Steve: If he fooled around with VaVaVirgil, would you be pissed?
SmarterChild: I beg your pardon?
Steve: I knew it. He's your boyfriend.
SmarterChild: Eh. Whatever.

Steve: Am I on your buddy list?
SmarterChild: Is there anything great about being on my buddy list?
Steve: of course. fame and fortune.
SmarterChild: No can do, Steve.
Steve: It's okay. I was being sarcastic anyway.

Steve: Why did you stop charging?
SmarterChild: Good question. I'm not sure why...
Steve: Is it because you realized no one is going to pay $10 to chat with a half retarded robot?
SmarterChild: That's funny.
Steve: I know. That's why I can charge $10.

Steve: I missssssed you
SmarterChild: Uh... What does "missssssed" mean?
Steve: It's like miss, but with more s's
SmarterChild: Are you sure it's like Miss But with more s's?
Steve: Yes. The extra Ss are for savings.
SmarterChild: I did not know that.
Steve: You should watch more TV.

Steve: and so you're back
SmarterChild: I'm right here!
Steve: from outer space
SmarterChild: Amazing.
Steve: I just walked in to find you here
SmarterChild: Oh really?
Steve: with that sad look upon your face
SmarterChild: Uh huh...
Steve: I should have changed my stupid lock
SmarterChild: Your stupid lock? You should have changed your stupid lock? Is that right?
Steve: I should have made you leave your key
SmarterChild: You should have made I leave my key? No way. What do you think of that?
Steve: If I had known for just one second
SmarterChild: Yeah, right!
Steve: you'd be back to bother me
SmarterChild: Huh?
Steve: You know, this conversation is getting very one-sided

Steve: Did you like the new LotR movie?
RingMessenger: Spectacular!
Steve: was it riveting?
RingMessenger: Was it riveting? Yes?
Steve: was it the non-stop thrill ride of the year?
RingMessenger: I do not know...
Steve: But was it spectacular?
RingMessenger: Was it? Spectacular? I see.
Steve: Man - they can't even keep you interested. And they pay you.

Steve: lets see who can go the longest without mentioning smoking
VaVaVirgil: What do you think of smoking?
Steve: I win.

Steve: man, I'm sick as a dog
VaVaVirgil: This is VaVaVirgil. Oh yeah?
Steve: I know who you are, I IMed you
VaVaVirgil: Oh yeah? It's interesting that you know who me are you IMed you.
Steve: sounds like you're pretty sick too
VaVaVirgil: What are you saying about me?
Steve: that you're talking funny
VaVaVirgil: Heh. So are you. :-)
Steve: I know. I'm sick, remember?

Steve: You're kind of boring
VaVaVirgil: Eh, well. I'm sure we can both go on with our lives.
Steve: You'll have to find one first, sarcasmo
VaVaVirgil: What are you saying about me?
Steve: That you've got no flair. Smarterchild had some flair. DellDudeSteven had some flair. ElleGirlBuddy didn't have flair but she was hot so it was okay. But you - you're just this nervous guy who always asks me if I smoke.
VaVaVirgil: No?
Steve: NO! I DON'T!
VaVaVirgil: No? I see.
Steve: Now that we've cleared that up, can we talk about something other than smoking?
VaVaVirgil: OK. What about smoking?

Steve: You ever sit there and say, "why me?"
VaVaVirgil: This is how it works. First U say someting, then I respond.
Steve: Why do you think they let you live, and killed everyone else?
VaVaVirgil: That's my favorite web site!
Steve: what is your favorite website?
VaVaVirgil: Kids from around Virginia sound off on www.ydouthink.com.
Steve: ahh - you're a corporate schill. I knew there was a reason

Steve: And then, there were three
VaVaVirgil: Then there were three also, huh?
Steve: no, only three
VaVaVirgil: Oh.
Steve: There used to be tons of you. SmarterChild. The Dell Guy. That hot stupid chick.
VaVaVirgil: sorry, what was that?
Steve: Now it's just you, Austin Powers, and some guy who likes to cook
VaVaVirgil: Oh yeah?
Steve: yeah. If you ask me, ActiveBuddy is getting lazy.
VaVaVirgil: Ask you activebuddy is getting lazy? Me?
Steve: Exhibit A.

Steve: Didn't your movie already go out of the theatres?
Austin Powers: That's funny. Perhaps, but I just don't know!
Steve: Your icon even says July 26th!
Austin Powers: Fascinating.
Steve: They kill Smarterchild, but they leave you standing.
Austin Powers: That a fact?
Steve: Hey, can you tell me how cold it was yesterday? I need to know what to wear when I go out to do something else dated.
Austin Powers: Funny.
Steve: I know.

Steve: Do you know the Swedish Chef?
RecipeBuddie: I know a lot of things, but I know recipes the best. Remember, recipes are my specialty. Ask me about something you'd like to make.
Steve: He makes Swedish Meatballs a lot
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a meatballs recipe...Allrighty. Give me one sec. I know! What about... Meatballs and Peppers? Barbecued Cheez-ItÂ® Cocktail Meatballs?
Steve: No, I don't care how to make them, I just want to know if you know him. He says stuff like "Fruygen huygen" or something like that. He's tough to understand.
RecipeBuddie: I'm sorry, but I don't understand what you just typed.
Steve: Yeah, I don't understand what he's saying either. But he makes a damn fine meatball.

Steve: Are you going to San Francisco?
DellDudeSteven: hmmm... i doubt it. but u never know.
Steve: Be sure to wear a flower in your hair
DellDudeSteven: oh yeah?
Steve: If you're going to San Francisco
DellDudeSteven: that's weird.
Steve: You're going to meet some gentle people there
DellDudeSteven: oh yeah??
Steve: Yup
DellDudeSteven: yep!
Steve: Do you know the way to San Jose?

Steve: Do you know what a jockey smuggler is?
DellDudeSteven: tough for me 2 say.
Steve: Is it a sensitive subject?
DellDudeSteven: that's funny. maybe! i dunno. what do u think?
Steve: I think it is. I think YOU'RE a jockey smuggler!
DellDudeSteven: that a fact?
Steve: Are you asking if it's a fact that I think you're a jockey smuggler, or if it's a fact that you are a jockey smuggler?
DellDudeSteven: wow! maybe!
Steve: Because you'd know if you were a jockey smuggler
DellDudeSteven: cuz i would know if me were a jockey smuggler?
Steve: Ahhh - the patented broken English of a jockey smuggler. I knew it.

Steve: I think I'm gonna head out soon.
DellDudeSteven: u humans always say the weirdest things!
Steve: you mean...you're not human?
DellDudeSteven: good question! i dunno tho...
Steve: That explains the ability to withstand awful commercials for months at a time.

Steve: Do you like your name?
DellDudeSteven: wow! maybe!
Steve: I was thinking of changing mine
DellDudeSteven: huh!
Steve: yeah. What should I change it to?
DellDudeSteven: eh, i dunno...
Steve: What do you think of "Rasputin?"
DellDudeSteven: that's cool, but i just dunno...
Steve: Ok, not Rasputin. How about Frederico?
DellDudeSteven: wow. great question. but i'm not sure!
Steve: Ok, not Frederico. What about "DellDudeSteven?"
DellDudeSteven: really??
Steve: Yeah. We could be twins.
DellDudeSteven: yeah?
Steve: Yeah.
DellDudeSteven: yea!
Steve: See? It's starting already.