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Th e groper's a total immature prick. I'd have punched him for you were I there. The assh*le.

My ENFP pal has a similar problem; she's incredibly nice and almost comes across as flirty sometimes and some guys tend to misinterpret that. We're working on helping her develop a "fuck-off" expression . :p

I am more of the "Let's all be peaceful" than the "Let's kill all the bad people" kind.

Some music involves certain dance moves that are provocative but are not necessarily an invitation, and if a girl comes over near you dancing that way, who is to say she was even coming near you in that way and not just looking for more space on the dancefloor?

I'm talking close close proximity and I think you and I can very well tell the difference. I'm talking about blatant behavior. I've seen some girls doing it as if it were all just roleplaying ...but you don't really need to be close to a man to do that.

Yes, the effect of asking me to dance without believing that what I'm wearing gives you the right to touch me. Or at least that's how I think it should be.

I'm not talking about rights or justifying the guy's action. I'm just talking about cause and effect. If you go to a dark alley alone at night that's a sure fire way to get mugged right? Same principle. You know how many jerks exist out there, so you know the risks. But I ask : why is it so important to feel sexy in a dance floor if you don't want any sort of attention at all?

This whole onus on the woman for doing things is taking the responsibility away from the men, who are what? powerless to control themselves?

I could be wrong but you emit alot of sexual energy here so it is logical to presume that to some degree you do this in the real world as well. Which means that you have a "communication" problem with guys around you. (just a thought)

I don't believe the onus should be on me to change my communication style, which would involve changing the way I am in order to not give off signals that I am actually not giving off.

Originally Posted by Antisocial one

Mistery solved.

So you place the onus on me?

Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones

Well yeah, but you're an INFP.

Haha, well still debating the e/i part, but yeah, I don't see nfp's laughing at someone actually asking them to dance.

Originally Posted by EcK

the thing is, all the other guys just didn't come talk to you/touch you or whatever. So a few assholes give regular guys a bad image, that's nice.

Sadly in those case, you only notice the ones who are morons.
I'm a guy and I still find it gross how some people become sad pervs whenever drunk. Since what alcohol does is loosen frontal lobe control/inhibition, I often consider it shows someone's true self to an extent, which is pretty disgusting when you see the way some people behave.
And that's not limited to guys, btw. We're just programmed to be more into 'assault mod' when it comes to sexuality, but the whole 'guys are chasing me' delirium most girls seem to have isn't really qualitatively better when you think of it. It's just another kind of crazy.

I'm a low inhibition person, I think, and my prefrontal cortex is already barely controlling anything, so I stay pretty much the same wether drunk or not. Knowing the effects of alcohol on the brain to an extent, I doubt the 'I was drunk' excuse really is one, its not a personality modifying drug, but mainly a desinhibitor.

Not really, after all the one guy who impressed me enough to exchange numbers with, impressed me for NOT being the same way.

I agree about alcohol only highlighting behaviour that is already there though, that's why the "I was drunk" excuse isn't always legit enough for me.

Originally Posted by Amargith

A woman could be completely naked and dancing her heart out and you'd still not have the right to touch her without her permission.

I'm talking close close proximity and I think you and I can very well tell the difference. I'm talking about blatant behavior. I've seen some girls doing it as if it were all just roleplaying ...but you don't really need to be close to a man to do that.

I've seen it, I'm just not guilty of it. For me what exists is me, the music and my circle of friends. If I happen to be dancing near a man, it's only because that's where there is space, or we were standing.

I'm not talking about rights or justifying the guy's action. I'm just talking about cause and effect. If you go to a dark alley alone at night that's a sure fire way to get mugged right? Same principle. You know how many jerks exist out there, so you know the risks. But I ask : why is it so important to feel sexy in a dance floor if you don't want any sort of attention at all?

Maybe it's just me, but it used to be that I could dress sexy, dance sexy, but be asked for a dance before being laid hands upon.

I'm single, I'm not adverse to attention, it's the way the attention manifested itself that I didn't like.

Dancing is a way to let go and express yourself. And a club should be a safe haven to do this in, afteral, that's what they're there for. Maybe we should start our own danceclub, Berbs, with bouncers that will enforce good behavior. Let's see how fast they wisen up then

I don't believe the onus should be on me to change my communication style, which would involve changing the way I am in order to not give off signals that I am actually not giving off.

Sadly, clubs are full of meathead pricks, but the situation is what it is. You can directly affect your own behavior and appearance, but you can't affect those of any strangers that are out on the dance floor.

Dancing is a way to let go and express yourself. And a club should be a safe haven to do this in, afteral, that's what they're there for. Maybe we should start our own danceclub, Berbs, with bouncers that will enforce good behavior. Let's see how fast they wisen up then

1 - absolutely, I really enjoy dancing. I'm not using it to get attention at all, I just let go of myself, I lose myself in the beat. I dance because it feels good to match my body to the music. I have been on stage without realising I was being filmed or that the spotlight was on me, because I was so immersed in dancing.

I get people interrupting me all the time, pulling me back out of the place I go to in my head, just to tell me that I'm an awesome dancer, or sadly on this occasion, to lay hands on me without an invitation lol.

It's not me aiming for this effect though, I shy away from the spotlight by nature, I just happen to have a good feel for dance and music. If you love something, it's natural that you will shine at it.

2 - I used to dream of owning my own club as it happens lol an ideal safe haven where no bad attitudes or bad vibes ruined the atmosphere, where people came purely to have a good time and dance to good music haha I am such an idealist.

Originally Posted by greed

Sadly, clubs are full of meathead pricks, but the situation is what it is. You can directly affect your own behavior and appearance, but you can't affect those of any strangers that are out on the dance floor.

Sadly, clubs are full of meathead pricks, but the situation is what it is. You can directly affect your own behavior and appearance, but you can't affect those of any strangers that are out on the dance floor.

Exactly.

Maybe it's just me, but it used to be that I could dress sexy, dance sexy, but be asked for a dance before being laid hands upon.

I'm single, I'm not adverse to attention, it's the way the attention manifested itself that I didn't like.

Of course. But you have to be smart about this stuff. And willing to take the heat.

Clubs are PUBLIC spaces. They are not private parties. Letting go is fine and dandy as long as you are aware of the risks. I mean I could be "letting go" and doing the chicken dance in a house club...I'd have to be prepared to be laughed at :P