Beginning with Thanksgiving,
most families are going to be
spending a lot of time together
in the coming months—for
good and for bad. Let’s face it, families
can be tricky.

In fact, for the first five years of our
marriage—and sometimes still—my
husband, Mark, couldn’t figure out my
family. It wasn’t because they did anything
out of the ordinary, but mostly
because he couldn’t quite figure out
exactly who was in my family and who
wasn’t.

For instance, my Aunt Ellie was not
my biological aunt. She was my mom’s
lifelong best friend. Same for my Uncle
Johnny. He was my dad’s best friend.
My kids call my best friend Aunt Teri.

But I guess it never struck me as out
of the ordinary because, for me, family
has always been more about relationships
and less about blood and biology.
Perhaps that comes from the fact
that my oldest sister, Beth, is adopted.
So while we may not share the exact
same genes, we certainly do share the
same memories and a whole lot of love.

Families can take on many different
shapes and sizes. In fact, as Catholics
we consider the Church as part of our family. And many of our rituals we celebrate
as family, such as the Eucharist
and gathering for Mass each week and
on holy days.

The concept of Church as family
became extremely clear to me this past
summer when the son of a parishioner
was seriously injured playing football.
The parish—especially his friends—immediately rallied around him and
his family. It was a beautiful experience
of family at its best. And it’s an
experience that I have witnessed time
and time again within my parish, my
workplace, my neighborhood, etc. Most
of the time we are not related by blood,
but “my family” certainly includes people
from these communities.

So as you gather for the holidays with
family (in both the most literal and
broadest sense of the word), celebrate
those surrounding you. Here are some
suggestions:

• Pull out the family tree. The holidays
are a perfect time to fill in the
holes in your family’s history. Pull out
old family photo albums and make
sure you know who the people in the
pictures are for posterity’s sake. Ask
family friends and relatives questions
or have them recall stories from their
youth.

• Capture the here-and-now. Take
lots of pictures, tell stories and even
pull out the video camera.

• Gather family around. If you
haven’t had a family reunion in a
while, why not plan one for next year?
Sure, they’re a lot of work, but it will
be worth it. Engage some other relatives
to help with the planning.

• Share the news. With the Christmas
season right around the corner,
you’ll be getting ready to send Christmas
cards. Many cards are sent to
people whom you don’t often see
throughout the year. So this year, why
not create a Christmas newsletter to
update people on what’s been going
on with your family? You might also
want to include some pictures.

• Pay a visit. Schedule a visit with
family members whom you haven’t
seen in a while.

• Count your blessings. With the
holidays upon us, take this opportunity
to celebrate your families—all of
them. And let them know what a blessing
to you they are.

Teenage years can be tricky when it comes to
family. It is a time when you are trying to
establish your independence, but are still very
much connected to your family. And the truth
is, you always will have that very strong connection,
no matter how difficult it may be at
times. So why fight it?

Cherish the things that your family has to
offer and try to connect with individual family
members. For instance, if your aunt shares a
similar interest or passion with you, such as
movies, ask if she’d like to see a movie sometime.
If you love to read, ask one of your parents if they’d like to start a little book club.

Connecting with family members on a personal level may allow you to see them in a
different light and make the trying times a little less trying.

Everyone knows things about their
family, like how many brothers or
sisters they have, how many pets
and what their house looks like, but
how much do you really know
about your family?

For instance, what is your mom’s
favorite movie? Does your dad
have a favorite sport? What type of
music does your brother or sister
like? What was your grandpa’s occupation?
How did your mom and
dad meet?

Write down a list of similar questions
and set aside a time for your
family to sit down and answer them.
Your family may even be able to
come up with more questions.

Thanksgiving might be a good time to ask questions of extended family members
such as grandparents, aunts and uncles, or cousins. Once you get everyone’s answers,
write them down—or have someone help you—and collect them in a folder or binder.
Draw some pictures to help illustrate this book about your family. You might even want
to make copies for everyone and give them as Christmas gifts.

Do you have ideas or suggestions for topics you'd like to see addressed in this column?
If so, send them to me at Faith-filled Family, 28 W. Liberty Street, Cincinnati,
OH 45202-6498, or e-mail them to Family@franciscanmedia.org.