Tag Olympics

This summer, before the real thing finally gets underway on 18 August and Manchester United return to Premier League action, Old Trafford will play host to nine men’s and women’s Olympic football matches during the group and knockout stages, with GB, Spain, Brazil and Uruguay men’s teams due to play in Manchester.

The tournament kicks off on 26 July, with the final game at Old Trafford due to take place on 7 August. But the real action kicked off last week, when United legend Bobby Charlton ran the Olympic torch past the ‘Theatre of Dreams’.

While few take the under-23 plus three over-aged players Olympic football tournament seriously, there could be some top names on show at Old Trafford. Indeed, United’s Tom Cleverley and Ryan Giggs should play for Stuart Pearce’s GB team, while David de Gea will captain Spain during the tournament, and Rafael da Silva is with the Brazilians. Rafael’s team-mates Neymar and Lucas Moura, who are the subject of much transfer speculation this summer, will also travel for the games.

So while the tournament may not be well-regarded, the entertainment could prove surprising. That’s if those lucky enough to have secured a ticket for any of the matches, actually make it into the ground. After all, the organising committee, in its infinite wisdom, has drawn up a very long list of items banned from ‘London 2012 venues’. Edited here for brevity, but for not context:

Musical instruments: trumpets, drums, and other devices capable of causing a disturbance

Noisemakers such as hunting horns, air horns, klaxons, drums, vuvuzelas, football rattles, clappers and whistles

Signs or items with corporate or inappropriate branding, sponsorship, promotional or marketing material

Professional-style cameras or recording/transmitting devices

Prams / push chairs

Unauthorised charity collection utensils

Large or non collapsible umbrellas

hampers and cold boxes

In addition, notes the organising committee’s helpful email to ticket holders, there are restrictions on the use of some items inside venues, including:

Oversized hats

Excessive amounts of food

Flags of countries not participating in the games

But fans will be delighted to know that they CAN bring the following items. Rant suggests liberal use of breast milk in particular:

10 containers of up to 100ml capacity each, giving a combined maximum capacity of one litre

200ml of sun cream

Essential medications must not exceed a combined total of one litre

An empty plastic water bottle

Soya milk for babies

Sterilised water for the baby

Formula, breast milk or cow milk specifically for babies

Baby food of various consistencies

Much of which will disappoint regular Rant readers given our penchant for bringing unusual items to games, including, but not limited to: intercontinental thermonuclear ballistic missiles; the flag of Vatican City; an umbrella to keep out of the Manchester rain, 201ml of sun cream, you know, just in-f*cking-case; an atmosphere; a large sign bearing the moniker “John Terry is a c*nt”; a MasterCard; a half-full bottle of Evian to keep the vocal chords nimble; an Anderson-sized McDonald’s order; sherbert dip.

We can, and will, however try to sneak in the items not proscribed by the IOC, such as condoms, a dildo, anal beads, and a gimp mask.

Mind you, Rant will of course be wearing its lucky match-day pants during the games:

This summer, before the real thing finally gets underway on 18 August and Manchester United return to Premier League action, Old Trafford will play host to nine men’s and women’s Olympic football matches during the group and knockout stages, with GB, Spain, Brazil and Uruguay men’s teams due to play in Manchester.

The tournament kicks off on 26 July, with the final game at Old Trafford due to take place on 7 August. But the real action kicked off last week, when United legend Bobby Charlton ran the Olympic torch past the ‘Theatre of Dreams’.

While few take the under-23 plus three over-aged players Olympic football tournament seriously, there could be some top names on show at Old Trafford. Indeed, United’s Tom Cleverley and Ryan Giggs should play for Stuart Pearce’s GB team, while David de Gea will captain Spain during the tournament, and Rafael da Silva is with the Brazilians. Rafael’s team-mates Neymar and Lucas Moura, who are the subject of much transfer speculation this summer, will also travel for the games.

So while the tournament may not be well-regarded, the entertainment could prove surprising. That’s if those lucky enough to have secured a ticket for any of the matches, actually make it into the ground. After all, the organising committee, in its infinite wisdom, has drawn up a very long list of items banned from ‘London 2012 venues’. Edited here for brevity, but for not context:

Musical instruments: trumpets, drums, and other devices capable of causing a disturbance

Noisemakers such as hunting horns, air horns, klaxons, drums, vuvuzelas, football rattles, clappers and whistles

Signs or items with corporate or inappropriate branding, sponsorship, promotional or marketing material

Professional-style cameras or recording/transmitting devices

Prams / push chairs

Unauthorised charity collection utensils

Large or non collapsible umbrellas

hampers and cold boxes

In addition, notes the organising committee’s helpful email to ticket holders, there are restrictions on the use of some items inside venues, including:

Oversized hats

Excessive amounts of food

Flags of countries not participating in the games

But fans will be delighted to know that they CAN bring the following items. Rant suggests liberal use of breast milk in particular:

10 containers of up to 100ml capacity each, giving a combined maximum capacity of one litre

200ml of sun cream

Essential medications must not exceed a combined total of one litre

An empty plastic water bottle

Soya milk for babies

Sterilised water for the baby

Formula, breast milk or cow milk specifically for babies

Baby food of various consistencies

Much of which will disappoint regular Rant readers given our penchant for bringing unusual items to games, including, but not limited to: intercontinental thermonuclear ballistic missiles; the flag of Vatican City; an umbrella to keep out of the Manchester rain, 201ml of sun cream, you know, just in-f*cking-case; an atmosphere; a large sign bearing the moniker “John Terry is a c*nt”; a MasterCard; a half-full bottle of Evian to keep the vocal chords nimble; an Anderson-sized McDonald’s order; sherbert dip.

We can, and will, however try to sneak in the items not proscribed by the IOC, such as condoms, a dildo, anal beads, and a gimp mask.

Mind you, Rant will of course be wearing its lucky match-day pants during the games: