ScrappleFace

8/16/2002

NYC Stalkers Seek Marriage Benefits

2002-08-16

On the heels of New York City's decision to recognize homosexual unions, a group of stalkers has petitioned city council for similar benefits.

"There's a kind of emotional bond that forms between a stalker and his stalkee over the course of time," said Joachin Yue, spokesman for the stalkers. "When a stalkee dies, the stalker often mourns for months, wandering the city, unable to commit to following another. But this poor person receives no compensation for his loss, and is often barred from even attending the funeral."

As part of the Stalker's Bill of Rights proposal, a person who has doggedly pursued another person for at least 90 days would be granted hospital visitation rights, a share in the estate and a back row seat at the funeral. The provision also demands discounts on apartments across the street from the stalkee, and first right of access to taxi cabs parked immediately behind the stalkee's cab.

New York City Councilwoman, Christine Quinn, who co-sponsored the homosexual union measure said, "We need to take a serious look at this petition. I'm inclined to favor it since it would represent New York kind of going as far as we can in relationship law."

Quinn also suggested she would favor marriage-like unions among different species, and full partner benefits for anyone who has "a real serious crush" one someone else.