Santa Dame Doesn’t Like Your Social Media Christmas List

by admin on November 30, 2011

I am friends on Facebook with a group of girls I used to be acquaintances with, although at present we don’t really communicate with each other. A few days before Thanksgiving, what should pop up on my newsfeed but this– one of the girls in question decided to make a photo album, viewable to the public, containing stock images of presents she wants people to give her for the holidays. Her list included: gift certificates to mid-level clothing stores; two different kitchen appliances (a frozen yogurt maker?!); a personalized jersey; a purebred dog; photo lenses, which apparently range in price from $100-$4000 (yes, four THOUSAND, that’s not a typo); a hot air balloon ride; and cruise ship tickets.

Another girl in this group, a mutual friend, decided this was a brilliant idea and made her own gimme-gimme album. Her list included a new iPhone, a new laptop, and a new Ford truck.

Someone commented on the first girl’s album that they hoped she had some rich friends. She responded with something along the lines of, “Well, I don’t really EXPECT any of this.” Yeah, I would be a lot more convinced if you didn’t specify, for example, precisely what you wanted your personalized jersey to say. 1130-11

Gift wish lists should be treated just like wedding registries. It’s OK to have one as long as its existence is not “pushed” on potential givers. Only when stumped gift givers “pull” that information from you by asking if you happened to have a wish list can a gift wish list see the light of day.

Publishing a Christmas wish “album” to Facebook would hardly be called “pushing” this information on friends and family. Nay, dear readers, it is a full body slam and tackle to the ground to the entire world.

P.S. If you are single, using social media to broadcast your wishes to receive specific gifts that are well out of the price range of most people is a surefire way to limit the pool of potential mates. More practical, thrifty, discreet people will mentally write off obvious gimme pigs since the likelihood is exceptionally high that a gimme Bridezilla/Groomonster is the next phase.

I think you’re overreacting. This certainly seems more like a fantasy wish-list. I see them all the time on blogs, Pinterest, etc. It’s like dreaming about what you’d get if you won the lottery. The girl said she didn’t really expect to really get any of the stuff.

I’m a huge fan of registries, mostly because I want to be sure that, when I buy a gift, it’s something the recipient needs/wants. However, of course, there is a proper way to do it. When I was getting married, one of the bridesmaids ranted on and on about how weddings are just gift grabs and registries are awful. Fast forward a few months later, she buys a condo, creates a housewarming registry, then proceeds to tell me “you’re welcome to buy me something off the registry. It’s at x store.” Since then, she has created multiple registries for every Christmas and birthday. I guess she doesn’t think registries are so bad anymore?

Last night my boyfriend was working up an Amazon wishlist because my mother specifically wanted some gift ideas for him for Christmas, and when he was done, it asked him if he wanted to share his list on Facebook. We were both appalled that anyone would even think about doing that! What a way to say “I want gifts but don’t trust my friends.” Sheesh.

My first reaction to this (based on some of the other nonsense I’ve seen on FB) is that it was a kind of tongue-in-cheek joke, not be taken seriously. Sounds like maybe she was just having fun with it? Not something I’d post, but each to his own I suppose.

Joke or not, it comes across as crass and entitled. Since our world has so many people without even the certainty of their next meal, clean water to drink, or safety for their children, maybe we should all dial it back a notch or two.

I’m not quite seeing how posting something on facebook automatically equates to “a full body slam and tackle to the ground to the entire world”. Most people only have their facebook open to people they personally know – certainly not the entire world. And surely posting something which will only show up in someone’s news feed isn’t worse than, for instance, including a registry card in a wedding invitation? It’s not as if they posted it to someone else’s wall, or tagged each picture with a specific friend whom they expected the gift from.

It does seem that the OP is blowing a fantasy wishlist totally out of proportion.

People need to be aware that once they’ve posted something on a social media site, for all intents and purposes they’ve told the whole world. Yes, I know there are privacy settings that are supposed to limit who can view what; but even if you limit the access to your site, you have no control over what the people who have access do with what you’ve posted. And although you can remove something from your site after you’ve posted it, “you can’t unring a bell.” Once you’ve posted something and people have seen it, you can never, ever undo the impression it’s made.

“Oversharing” is the bane of this age of social media. Just because you can put things up on the internet, doesn’t mean you should. It can even be dangerous– increasingly, there are reports that people with criminal intent use social media sites to monitor when people will be absent from their homes, to learn about what items worth stealing people might have in their homes, and to pick up on vulnerabilities that they can use in committing crimes.

Think hard about what you put up on social media sites and what it can lead to. “When in doubt, don’t” is a good rule to follow about postings on your page.

If this had been a “What I want if I ever win the lottery”, I might buy that it was playing around. But, it was a Christmas list, which makes me think she was hoping someone would pick something off it for her.

I’d like to know what exactly she said in the album. It seems to me like a joke, especially given that she specifically commented that she doesn’t expect any of them. I have some friends who put up such lists, which we know very well that they are joking (sometimes they put up wish lists to mock gift registries), and I don’t think of it any more than have a laugh. Maybe people who know enough to get her a gift would know her sense of humor. Unless she has a history of gift grabbing, I would like to pass this as an attempt at some joke. And how do you know that it is viewable to public? Maybe only her “facebook friends” can view it.

Well, you can put it out as a joke if you want – but be prepared for people to be offended by it. Saying after the fact “well, I didn’t actually EXPECT this stuff” is rather specious, when it’s mixed in with stuff that might be reasonable, such as gift cards to “midrange” clothing stores.

Assuming my friend had no prior history of severe gimmie-ness that would indicate she really wasn’t kidding… I think I’d give it a pass, honestly. Yeah, it’s silly and thoughtlessly tacky, but that describes roughly 85% of the total content of most social media sites these days.

On the other hand, I also think Admin is correct when she talks about its effect on people who might not know the person as well. As a compromise, a few more obvious disclaimers might be in order (call it ‘My Fantasy Wish List’, or something).

I have a hard time working up pearl-clutching horror over this. It doesn’t hurt anyone’s feelings, it doesn’t take money from anyone, it doesn’t cause any harm, and it’s pretty easy to ignore. It’s not included in an invitation, and I’m going to take her word at it when she says she doesn’t expect any of this stuff (who’s name should she have specified she wanted on the personalized jersey?). The “if I could get anything I wanted from Santa” is a fun game to play. Consumer-porn of luxury items is rampant on every form of medium this year. The only difference is that she posted the items she liked under her own name instead of pushing them for that nebulous “X in your life.” Do you seriously think the second girl in question really expects anyone to give her a new truck? No, she doesn’t. She’s playing the fun game too.

Now if the girl honestly expects people to give these items, well then she is a greedy little gimmie-pig. If she’s just having fun looking at luxury goods and sharing them with her FB circle, then the OP is a Judgey McJudgeypants. I’ll confess I don’t like that the OP and the Admin both jumped to the assumption that someone was behaving poorly rather than giving the FB poster the benefit of assuming she meant what she said. That’s not much in the way of holiday spirit.

Got to love my FB friends… they published Christmas lists asking for peace on Earth and happiness for everyone! Seriously!

Second list definitely sound like a fantasy wish list. Not so sure about the first.

As a dog owner, I really hope no one really gives her a purebred dog as a surprise gift! I’ve heard many stories about puppies as Christmas presents, but none that ended well. (In one story, the puppy died.) For the sake of both the dog and the owner, owner needs to pick out their own dog when their own timing allows to care for a new family member… Christmas doesn’t sound like a great time for that at all!

A very good example of this popped up the other day when my Boyfriend asked me to please make a list of things I might be interested in for the Holidays. I told him I hesitated to do that stuff because it always felt pretentious to give to someone. He assured me that it was fine, and simply something his family has done for ages as a way of knowing just what that person is into. As they do a ‘secret santa’ thing each year it also helps that person get an idea of what their gift recipient would like.

I was asked specifically to make a list by someone I am clearly very close to, whom genuinely wants to know the things I’d like. This is the only time I have ever felt comfortable making a gift wish list outside of being 6 years old and stuffing it in my mothers purse before she left to go to the mall.

Even if the Facebook album was created because of a meme-that does not condone it. It’s like what my mother used to ask me “If all your friends jumped off a building would you do it to!” Just because something popular is going around doesn’t mean someone has to, or should, participate in that.

Fantasy wish lists and memes are one thing, I sometimes see posts like that on craft blogs where the author describes what she’d do if she won the lottery and was set loose in a craft store, or something along that line. Well written ones can be fun to read because, in the case of the craft blogs, it gives a different perspective to their creative process. A general blanket “I want this stuff” album is a tacky way to show the world you’re material obsessed with no deeper meaning.

what indicates it is meant for fun is the girl who listed the truck on her list. I think thats funny and I like the idea of being outrageous enough to post pics of cruise ships (yes the actual ship) and jet airplanes.

Are people reading this post with comprehension? Including affordable items such as “gift certificates to mid-level clothing stores; two different kitchen appliances (a frozen yogurt maker?!); a personalized jersey” on what many see as a “fantasy wish list” means this young woman is so profoundly poverty stricken that the acquisition of clothing and small appliances is considered to be a fantasy. I’m not buying it. It was a Christmas wish list, not a, “Gee, if I won the lottery, this is what I’d buy” list. And even if it was a “if I won the lottery” list, everything is about her and what she wants. I don’t know about anyone else but when I play “if I won the lottery”, I fantasize of paying off family members’ mortgages, taking a group of friends on a cruise, donating lots of money to my favorite charity, etc. Wish lists, even fantasy ones, can reveal more about a person than one realizes.

I agree with Sharon, I think it’s just a fun fantasy wish list and the girl did say that she didn’t actually expect any of it. I used to have fun with my parents when I was little and told them that I’d like 30 jars of mustard for Christmas xD I was a weird kid.

I don’t see this as a fantasy wish list (the second one I do), although some of the items are definitely considered probably fantasy items because she includes normal items in with it I think she really wants this stuff! I would say FB is not the place to make lists like that and she should do it on Pinterest where it is entirely acceptable and encouraged 🙂 Oh, well. Hopefully she will not be surprised when her wishes for Christmas do not come true!

I thought that maybe it was a joke but like the Admin says, it wouldn’t have the lower-end stuff on it. It would be totally fantasy stuff (in my case a Viking gas stove with six burners…) . I think this was a serious list with the high-end stuff thrown in to make it SOUND like a joke if anyone got offended or called her on it.

Are you certain this wasn’t meant simply as a joke? I have a friend who used to solemnly pass out his Christmas wish list every year, but it was meant as an amusing read and I looked forward to it each December. I find it difficult to believe that a grown woman would expect thousands of dollars in gifts from facebook friends.

On my family only FB account, I gave up and put together an album of presents I’d like. Makes it easier for my father who tends to forget exact details on what it is I’m looking for to buy the exact item. It’s just there, I update it as I either get an item or find something new. I have no idea if or when I’ll get any of the items, and some are dirt cheap things for fun, some are nicer.

I will say, for 3 years, I’ve not had any ill fitting clothing from my well meaning mother or random items from my lovable father.

Admin, with due respect, what people do with their money–fantasy or not–is their business. They can splurge on themselves or pay off bills or donate to charity or burn it. Yes, we prefer responsible spending, but who are we to judge how another person should spend or want?
“..profoundly poverty stricken that the acquisition of clothing and small appliances is considered to be a fantasy”
Why is that when one wins the lottery, must they have only extravagant fantasy items on their list? If I won the lottery or could ask Santa for anything, I’m also going to include clothes from my favorite store which happens to be “mid-range” or perhaps the electric mixer I can’t bring myself up to buy, along with trips around the globe.

People put wish lists up all the time, and the very core of a wish list is about the poster’s wants. Nobody was invited to give her gifts, this was not “in your face and rub it in,” this was just a list shared on a social media platform, available for everyone to see. Had she posted this on a blog (which can also be public), would it make a difference? It’s the same thing.

Ellesee, How someone would spend their own money upon winning the lottery is precisely their own business. Which means it should be private information not shared with anyone. Once a person publishes their personal “business” online, all expectation of privacy are unrealistic. Once published, it becomes fodder for all manner of intrusive questions, critique, dissection, opinions, and commentary. If one does not care for others to be meddling in their private affairs and business, it is best to exercise discretion and not expose it to the world.

Joke or not, this is tack-kwon-do (as my friend Lauren used to say). Assuming the OP is accurate that she put “EXPECTING” in capital letters, that’s like adding, “but I’d really like it if some of you stepped up to the plate and got me some of it.” I am so sick of all the crass consumerism around this time of year that I’m seriously thinking of hiding in a cave until January 1.

I still don’t think it’s so very terrible. It’s only ideas not a direct request for things. I for one would never buy something from a list enless I ws already going to buy for that person and I’m a big guilty type of pushover. My family often makes large lists so that people can have a lot of variety to choose from. It makes shopping so much easier for the giver when they can go to a store nearby or a place they are used to going. On these lists my sister and I sometimes add “wishful” things that we know we can’t get, like once she asked my parents to get her a boyfriend! I’m not sure if these lists are all in fun like that, but I don’t think they are evil for making them either.

I think some of the discussion on whether this “wish list” represents the person’s actual hopes/expectations or just a fun fantasy brings up an important point about postings to social media sites.

When you’re talking face-to-face with people, in addition to your words, they get your tone of voice, your facial expressions, your body language, all of which are powerful indicators of what the actual intent and meaning of the words are. You can tell if someone is being sarcastic, or humorous, or launching into a fantasy, or is serious.

When you post on a social medai site, or even on a site like this one, you only have the words; and that makes postings on websites particularly open to misinterpretation. I’m sure we’ve all gotten eMails where we weren’t sure what the sender’s feelings or intent were. Were they making a joke? Were they serious? Should we take them at their words, or should we ask them what do they really mean by that?

When you post something on your social media page, YOU know exactly what you mean. But that isn’t necessarily true for everyone who has access to what you post. Something that you may think is very clearly not meant seriously might be taken seriously by someone who reads it, particularly if it’s taken out of the context in which you posted it and sent to them or repeated to them. Something that you think is completely innocent or funny might give someone else the wrong idea. Just because you can post something on the internet doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.

The OP says this is an acquaintance she barely communicates with. How does the OP know this was a serious wish list as opposed to a wishful thinking list? S/he barely knows the girl in question at all! Even if it’s labelled “Christmas wish list 2011,” she could mean it very tongue-in-cheek and the OP doesn’t know her well enough to know she’s kidding. Considering the girl said she doesn’t expect any of it, I don’t know why people are lambasting her as though she does.

I Googled yogurt makers out of curiosity and you can find them for about $50. (I’m differentiating them from ice cream makers, which are cheaper.) When I was in college, that wasn’t affordable; I wasn’t poverty-stricken, I was just quite poor and didn’t have $50 to spend on non-necessities. Now I’m in my 20s and have money in the bank and I’d still think hard before spending $50 on a yogurt maker. It’s not always about whether you have the cash in hand, it’s about whether you can justify spending it.

As for having an “if I won the lottery list” that’s all about her, isn’t that the point? Admin says it like it’s a bad thing. My “if I won the lottery list” is all about me. I think it’s wonderful admin’s fantasies are all about distributing the wealth. Hopefully I’ll be at that point in my life one day. Until then, the mortgage I’m most concerned about paying off is my own and I’d definitely keep back enough to afford an appliance and a new truck. Not sure what that reveals about me other than my fridge leaks and my vehicle is in double digits.

And for all we know this girl has some really serious stuff on her wish list. Maybe for Christmas she wants her parents’ business to stay afloat, her grandparents to be able to afford their medication, her uncle not to lose his house to foreclosure. But maybe she doesn’t feel comfortable sharing that stuff on Facebook so she’s stuck to the frivolous stuff that, yeah, she’d love to have, but that doesn’t mean it’s most important to her.

We don’t know, do we? Not even the OP knows. As I said, the OP barely knows this girl on Facebook. So what we really have is someone saying, “Ugh, someone I barely know did something I could have misinterpreted!”

There are a whole lot of “ifs” and “maybes” in your comment. Taken at face value, it is a Christmas Wish List. That is the title its author has given it. It is not a “if I won the lottery” list. Everything on her list, with the exception of the expensive camera lenses, is quite doable. Cruise.com lists 3 day Bahama cruises are $120.00 and 7 day Caribbean cruises starting at $379.00 so even the wish for cruise tickets isn’t all that extravagant.

Gift wish lists should be private information that is “pulled”, i.e. asked for, by gift givers. They should never, ever be “push” information because it is crass to announce to the world that 1) you are expecting to receive gifts, 2) that you can somehow manipulate givers into giving you exactly what you want before they ask to know what it is you want, 3) sets up the very likely scenario that receiving anything other than what is on the list will not be gratefully appreciated.

It fosters the attitude that what is supposed to be a voluntary gift offering from the sender to an expectation of gift – both sent and received.

Senders, it’s ridiculous to give gifts because the occasion demands it. You really want to give a gift from the heart? Give it to them out of the blue with a nice card “just because”, and if you don’t know what they want give them something like a gift card for them to choose.

Recipients will definitely appreciate gifts more this way, and when they are accepted–whatever they may be–receive them with sincere gratitude, realizing the kind motive of the sender. You may or may not like it or can use it..so what? It is a good probability, though, that although you will receive fewer gifts, the ones you get are usable, as the senders tend to be the ones that know you and your tastes fairly well.

I think this was totally a “fantasy” wish list. It does not sound like this person actually intended it to be a real gift wish list at all. She just put her fantasy list out there on the net as a joke. We all have these wish lists don’t we? What is the big deal that she posted hers?

While crass in any form, I’m pretty sure this is a Facebook novelty and not meant to be taken seriously. There are many forms of this where you pigeonhole/shout out to your Friends List about gifts that don’t exist and holidays you’re not going on and zombie apocalypse scenarios that will quite obviously never happen.

You are definitely over-reacting. This is a silly “I wish I could have” list, not sent out to anyone, but pasted in a photo album on FB for goofs. I don’t see why anyone is annoyed with this – if she contacted you and stated, “Well, what are you giving me?”, or acted all peeved after Christmas because she didn’t get any of it, that would definitely be rude. From the sound of it, none of it is supposed to be taken seriously at all. Cruise tickets? A personalized jersey (hell, a regular one goes for about $70)?

So it’s a Christmas wish list and not a fantasy list–or so OP and Admin think. So what? I have a Christmas wish list too, and some of the stuff on it is ridiculous and some isn’t. I don’t expect anyone to take it too seriously, and so far I haven’t posted it on FB, but that doesn’t mean I won’t. The Christmas wish list that requests peace on Earth and so forth isn’t necessarily feasible, but no one faults THAT list. I think it’s kind of fun to see the sorts of things people would love to have if they could–if they had the money, or rich and supremely generous friends and relatives. I would never compare this to a gift registry, on which people list things they actually expect friends and relatives to give them. Some people actually get angry and upset that they don’t get everything on their gift registry! I think this whole thing is a tempest in a teapot, and if we can’t share our fantasies and dreams with friends (even on FB, where you see a lot of that), then life isn’t all that much fun.

I think that if this is the worst thing OP sees on Facebook, she should consider herself lucky. In the two and a half years I’ve been on the site, I’ve been treated to graphic descriptions of potty training. I’ve had my news feed carpet-bombed by that irritating game people play for Breast Cancer Awareness month, where you post the color of your bra, or say where you like to place your purse when you get home in such a manner that it sounds salacious (“I like it on the kitchen counter). I’ve been spammed with requests to vote in cutest baby contests. I’ve been guilt-tripped by chain-status updates: “post this if you want to honor cancer survivors! Most people won’t bother, my true friends will be the ones that do!”

I’ve had to hide people who use the site as their own personal marketing tool for their book, their multi-level marketing businesses, or their charity run du jour and spam people every day with “reminders” about their book signing, or how close they are to their fundraising goal. I get invited to about 3 or 4 events a week, most of which are on the other side of the state or country, and are things my FB just blast invites to. I put up with it because I enjoy the chance to keep up with people I don’t get to see very often, but I’d class a “wish list” as pretty mild.

“I am friends on Facebook with a group of girls I used to be acquaintances with, although at present we don’t really communicate with each other.”

I would un-friend that person. She’s not a close friend, you communicate only through FB and it seems your values are quite different. You don’t need the aggravation. Just quietly un-friend her and move on with your life.

If it is a joke it is done in poor taste. If it was a list of more affordable items then maybe she is trying to help people who are close enough to her who wish to buy her presants get some idea. I see nothing wrong with registeries providing they are not over demarnding or too expensive or pushy and if they are optional.

In my family gift certificates are seen as tacky too, I know that makes my family unusual but that’s how we are. My dad especially feels that the sender didn’t put any thought in the gift and took the easy way out. I know from your post that that isn’t the way you go about things, I just wanted to point out that different people and groups think about things in different ways. Not buying someone a gift at Christmases and birthdays is a punnishable offence in my family too, because we feel as though that kind of family time is scared and that you put time outside of it into thinking of the other person. Mind you that present can be home made, or just really inexpensive, as long as the interests of the reciever are kept in mind. We do by “just cause” presents too, if we happen to see something that calls to us or something like that.

So far as I’ve noticed, no one in my facebook feed has posted an entire Christmas Wist List or Christmas Wish Album, but last year I went back through my family members’ posts for gift ideas. My SIL did post a couple specific ideas; I used one of the ideas and was very grateful to have it. Come to think of, she posts things she’s wishing for fairly frequently. Sometimes she’s clearly sharing nothing more than a pipe dream, and sometimes she’s pining after an affordable gizmo or doo-dad and I file the mention away for future reference. If I need a gift idea down the line, I have some choices to cull from, and if I want to buy her something else entirely, she’s no less appreciate.

A wish is a suggestion, not an obligation. There’s nothing rude about wishing; what a sad world it would be if we couldn’t have our dreams.