First of all, I thought it was really interesting how you chose to explore Lee Jordan’s character. He is a person we rarely read about in fan-fiction unless he’s paired with someone, and I liked the fact that you chose to dedicate this story fully to Lee, and seeing how he was affected by the war. I also liked how you took his love of giving commentary at Hogwarts and gave him the perfect career based on that.

What I noticed immediately while reading this story was the great tone you used when writing Lee Jordan. Reading his dialogue when he is talking into the radio microphone, I could actually hear his voice as a radio announcer’s voice — so really good job with that. I also liked your insight as to how Lee Jordan would be a coveted asset for radio shows, because of his connections with Harry Potter and the fact tha the ran the PotterWatch broadcasting during the war. The only thing off I noticed was Lee’s lack of pushing-the-limits. Especially as a commentator for Gryffindor, he never hesitated to weigh in his own, sometimes biased, opinions and I think that in particular would have been what made him such a fun host to listen to. There is some leeway for this, of course; perhaps he outgrew his need to tell everyone exactly what he thought, so it’s not as though this isn’t canonically correct. But I think it would have a more ‘Lee Jordan’ feel to it if the things he said got him into trouble sometimes, and reflected his own opinions not just straight facts.

I thought your characterizations of Kingsley Shacklebolt and Harry were very well-done. Harry has never been one to accept or want the constant fame that is given to him, and I thought you showed that well with his reluctance to give an interview even to Lee Jordan, who had been Fred and George’s friend for years. However, I can also see him choosing to give Lee the interview later, as you wrote, because he would rather Lee get the information than some other reporter who might twist the information. Kingsley is a difficult character for me to write, but I thought you had his measured, calm voice and reassuring words down nicely. I wondered, though, whom ‘the top Death Eater’ was that Kingsley dueled. In the books, it definitely seemed as though there were some segregations within the Death Eaters as to who was the most powerful, but it never really felt like there was one particular Death Eater who was supremely powerful. I think more attention was given to Bellatrix Lestrange, maybe, but while she was cruel I think there were others who were equally as high-ranking as she was.

After Sherman Henderson is talking to Lee about getting a better interview with Harry Potter, I thought the transitions seemed a little shaky. They suddenly jumped from separating moments of time to several years, and it was a little disorienting. I’ve written a few fics that jump around time-wise, as well. I think it might work better if you wrote in bold, above the new paragraph ‘Five Years Later,’ or used specific dates such as June 1998 for the beginning of the story and May 2003 for the gap between the five years.

I thought it was clever how the book that Lee Jordan ended up writing did not, in fact, reflect the years that Harry had spent fighting Voldemort, but told about his past (at least, that’s the gist I got from it). It’s unique because at that time everyone would be curious as to what Harry had been doing to fight Voldemort, and Lee would help redirect their attention to aspects of his life they had been curious about previously. I thought it was nice and really showed insights into Lee’s character how he decided to take everyone’s mind off the war. I thought it was questionable, however, how Lee felt that Out of all the people who had been at Hogwarts that night, Lee had probably lost the least. The loss of a best friend is extremely difficult, I don’t think that Lee would feel he had lost the ‘least’ of anyone, because he was always extremely close to Fred and in times of grief especially one doesn’t feel as though they have lost less compared to anyone else. Also, according to Rowling, over fifty people lost their lives at the Battle of Hogwarts that she did not name, so it is very, very likely that Lee would have lost someone else he was close to.

I liked the way you chose to end the story. Like I said before, one of the strongest points about this story I think is your ability to change the tone of the dialogue. The lack of dialogue tags really works here; it gives the story the more rushed, loud, radio-voice feel. I thought it was ironic how one of his interviews was with McGonagall, who always had to keep his commentating in line at Quidditch matches. I wonder how their interview went…ha!

Good job with this story, I liked the detail you put into figuring out Lee’s character.

Xx Ariana

Author's Response: Thank you very much for your review! Just a few answers:
Top Death Eater=Voldemort. During Potterwatch, they said "Chief Death Eater" so they wouldn't be tracked down.I'm sorry if the time jumps are a little confusing-- it's snapshots and that's how I do snapshots. I'm very glad you like the story!
Julie

I think this is a really different and original story, and I enjoyed it. You portrayed Lee so well, you gave him a very believable personality which complied with everything we see of him in the books. I like the distinction you've made between him and other journalists, particularly (Rita) Skeeter, because I think Lee is the kind of journalist who looks for truth, not what will make the best article or interview. I think you're right too that Harry would only give an interview to Lee, and not til many years after the Battle, for that very reason. Because Harry knows that he won't have a repeat of Rita I'll-publish-whatever-makes-me-sound-good Skeeter. Anyway. Getting a bit off topic here...

I liked the fragments and how they showed the progression of his career and how much the public enjoyed him. I really loved the last few sentences, they just encapsulated the whole story so well.

There were a few times when you're writing didn't seem to flow that well.

The war was still painful to him, even after all this time. Out of all the people who had been at Hogwarts that night, Lee had probably lost the least. The only loss he had suffered was the loss of Fred Weasley. Fred had been one of his best friends, but not family. Lee had known some of the others, but he hadn’t been as deeply affected as some. But it still hurt. It still burned in his memory. I really liked the idea in this paragraph, and the last two sentences were great, but it just seemed a little wordy and... I'm not quite sure how to explain this, but it just didn't sound as good as it could have, in my opinion.

Also, you've missed closing the quotation marks at the end of the second part. And would Kingsley know Lee by name at the beginning, if Lee had only been at WZRD for two weeks? Just a thought.

Anyway, I hope you haven't found this review negative, because I really did enjoy story. It was different and refreshing.

~Katrina

Author's Response: Thank you for your review! I'm glad you enjoyed the story.
The part about the war was awkward for me, but I couldn't think of how else to say it. And I think that Lee's thoughts on the war would be a little disorganized.
Of course Kingsley knew Lee. They were on Potterwatch together.
I appreciate all criticism, good or bad. Thank you for reading.
Julie