No matter how many abstinence pledges you've signed or purity balls you've attended, your vagina anything but pure, according to new research by, uh, vaginologists. In fact, your between-the-legs chute is the perfect hot, wet environment for an ongoing "dynamic battle" between various microorganisms. And scientists are discovering that they more they learn about the miraculous constant bacterial armageddon occurring inside the human vagina, the more baffled they are by it. Women!

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LiveScience reports that researchers have discovered that not only does the "bacterial fingerprint" (or, if you want to be gross about it, "micro pussy menagerie") of the human vagina vary from woman to woman, it varies from day to day, from life stage to life stage, and it can change based on who you're fucking, your menstrual cycle, or because your vagina just feels like being difficult. Bacterial profiles of women's vaginas even varies between women of different races; black women tend to host a different, more diverse set of bacteria than white women. In the words of researchers at the University of Maryland, "We know that different women have different kinds of vaginal microbiota, and now we know that over time the dynamics of the change that we observed vary."

Scientists also found that the dynamism of the vagina exists without as much outside interference as, say, your skin, or even your stomach. Your vagina is sort of a perfect machine in a constant state of flux and chaos, like Jupiter's Great Read Spot or the lyrics to an early Fiona Apple song. You're a bitch, you're a lover, you're a child, you're a mother... in your vagina. But the takeaway from this research isn't just "whoa, vaginas are weird, like dark squishy tomatoes that live inside your pelvis" (even though the average vagina has the same pH as a tomato); rather, this research shines light on the fact that sudden changes in the type of bacteria living in your vagina aren't necessarily a sign of an imbalance that needs to be corrected. In fact, dramatic changes to the vagina's bacterial profile is natural, normal, and healthy. But mysterious. Always mysterious.

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The human body is gross and amazing, depending on how much you think about it and how high you are.