Author
Topic: The neighbor (long) (Read 9166 times)

Art definitely gets a gold star for an excellent post! I really like "be the cat."

I agree-if this snowflake goes on another rant, just walk away. Do not engage. Just ignore and leave. I agree with your DH that you don't want to give the appearance that you are at all afraid of him. If he threatens to call the police, encourage him to do so.

Perhaps being embarrassed by the police lecturing him about wasting their time and harrassing neighbors will be enough to rein him in. I hope.

If you can, try to think of him in pitying terms-he is the miserable one with a problem, not you. Rather than feeling hurt by him, remember that he is behaving like a nut. You have nothing to feel bad about.

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What have you got? Is it food? Is it for me? I want it whatever it is!

What about, in a quiet voice, "I really would rather you DID call the police than continue to harass us like this. You can't possibly be as shallow and uncaring a man as you're coming across, and maybe talking to a police officer would help you understand that this isn't the way to communicate with a neighbor." ??

What about, in a quiet voice, "I really would rather you DID call the police than continue to harass us like this. You can't possibly be as shallow and uncaring a man as you're coming across, and maybe talking to a police officer would help you understand that this isn't the way to communicate with a neighbor." ??

Ooh, I like that! And remember--when other people get angry and loud, the most effective tactic is to speak more SOFTLY, more gently, and more slowly.

What about, in a quiet voice, "I really would rather you DID call the police than continue to harass us like this. You can't possibly be as shallow and uncaring a man as you're coming across, and maybe talking to a police officer would help you understand that this isn't the way to communicate with a neighbor." ??

This!Also if he continues to voice his views I'd honestly just stop him when he starts and say to him "actually, I don't care about your opinion" and then walk away from him.Obviously it isn't true in your case, but he doesn't need to know that. Also I think it would do him some good to realize not everyone wants to listen to him.

I've been thinking about this and I am of two minds. One is that you should just ignore him. Another is really annoyed at him. As was stated previously, he is just not a nice person. It would be one thing if he groused to himself about the state of your yard. I grouse to myself about many things that are completely unreasonable (people who drive too fast or too slow for my mood, neighbours having delicious smelling BBQ when I have peanut butter sandwiches, trees that have leaves that turn brown instead of red, ice cream that melts too fast) but I recognise that I am not being reasonable and the rest the world does not suffer due to my feelings.

It just strikes me that people shouldn't be that mean and think that they are reasonable.

I agree that Art nailed it, and that this guy is way over the line. Don't believe a word he says, OP. The other neighbors don't care about your lawn, and likely avoid this person.

Camlan's reply made me think of the Seinfield routine about the elders who move to Florida and follow the rules - he'd love being the official enforcer.

My retired law enforcement DH thinks that he should be encouraged to call the police, so that he gets on their *radar* as the nut case that he is. A logged in police call would start the documentation needed if things escalate. If he has cognitive issues things could get worse as he ages.

What about, in a quiet voice, "I really would rather you DID call the police than continue to harass us like this. You can't possibly be as shallow and uncaring a man as you're coming across, and maybe talking to a police officer would help you understand that this isn't the way to communicate with a neighbor." ??

I've calmed down considerably. It was just a surprise, you know? I had no idea this was apparently festering with him.

Our priorities are simply not his. We're working (a lot!), raising a family and trying to maintain a life that doesn't really involve our lawn. And please note also that when I mention it being slightly shaggy, it's not even usually that way! His, on the other hand, looks like an immaculate green carpet.

I should also note that a family member of his owns a landscaping business. And regularly parks his (very large) truck (that partially blocks our driveway) in front of his house. (And a fire hydrant.) When DH pointed out that we could call the cops on that, he was told, "That's different!" I want to, but on the other hand, I really don't want to getting into a ... match.

DH and I are making jokes back at each other about "Be like the others before it gets dark!" (Cookies for you if you get the reference!) And I think I have him convinced to call the non-emergency line and talk to someone. I'd just like to get this on the record.

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“She was already learning that if you ignore the rules people will, half the time, quietly rewrite them so that they don't apply to you.” ― Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites

Stop giving the mean old man space in your head. He doesn't deserve a moment of thought from you.

Your story reminds me of a friend of mine who received a similar nasty-gram from an anonymous neighbor. Friend's husband was battling leukemia and later passed away after his body went into rejection after a bone marrow transplant. I am sure the person who wrote the nastygram had no idea what was going on, and I guess that's the whole point. They felt it was enough of their business to write a note, but didn't bother to care enough about the people involved to know their circumstances. Your neighbor sounds the same way. His lawn is more important than people, and that's just a sad commentary about him, not about you.

Ignore, ignore, ignore. We have a neighbor like that. He is always watching our house and everything we do is wrong. When we do home repairs, he gets upset. When we don't do home repairs, he gets upset. He tries to regulate the parking in our neighborhood. He has even called the police on us. We had a repairman park on our lawn in order not to take up space on the street. He called the police because of this. There are no laws or HOA rules about parking on the lawn. The police officer told us we could park on our lawn as much as we wanted. The only good thing about having a neighbor like that, is someone is watching the house when you're not there. Should someone try to break in or vandalize the place, you have your own neighborhood watch. Pay no attention to him. If he calls the police enough times, they will take care of him.

OP, I am so sorry you have to go through this! Some people are, well, just obnoxious. Unfortunately, you live next door to one of them. *hugs* I know that brand of anxiety and anger all too well. I agree with all of the advice here, especially Art's. This guy is home all day with nothing to do but criticize you. I wonder what the others in his household think of his behavior...

DH and I have J, our resident obnoxious neighbor who likes to follow DH around the yard pointing out things we need to improve upon. After inviting him to contact the police if we didn't like that the paint on our porch was flaking , he sort of calmed down. It takes time, but eventually this guy will run out of steam. Also, we have found that fixing little things (stuff that you were planning to do anyway like your gutter) can go a long way.

Would it be possible (logistically and financially) to "hire" a neighbor's kid for the lawn maintenance? Just for your piece of mind and schedule? If you get snow that this guy could complain about, maybe use the same kid or find one who will shovel your driveway, too? Could be a win-win: you shut up the rude neighbor and might meet new people/kids for yours to play with.

I just want to add that it is really wonderful to have super neighbors. That loving neighborhood feel is a neat way to raise children. However, it's not always the reality and it is actually good for our children to realize that there are cranky people in the world and how to handle them. Having that example as children can be helpful as we grow and encounter unpleasant people in various forms. While I do hope that this neighbor settles down and you get the sort of environment that you dreamed for your children, I think it's also important to point out that not all is lost. There may be a very important lesson in here... not to mention the hopefully wonderful neighbors on the opposite side!!!