Now we determine who goes to the finals. This battle is a three way grand melee between Audiobabe, our magical sonic superhero and defeater of Bean, Bean, the physical martial artist, and Unitzoid the magical hydro superhero. The first one to drop finishes the ArenaBattle in Third Place.

1 - Bean runs out from one side of the arena, twirling his staff. Unitzoid slides out on a slick of ice, propelled by a blast of water. Audiobabe floats out of her side riding a shockwave.

2 - Bean and Unitzoid meet first and Unitzoid rapidly covers Bean in ice! (15 damage). Audiobabe lands and sends a thunderclap rolling across the sands. Unitzoid ducks behind the frozen Bean, and the thunderclap shatters the ice, but doesn't damage either opponent.

3 - Bean leaps towards Audiobabe, but Unitzoid fires a spike of ice towards Audiobabe, skewering her in the abdomen! (8 damage). Bean, who dodged the path of the ice spike, turns to attack Unitzoid.

4 - Audiobabe growls at Unitzoid and fires a pulse of sound into the sand, causing the arena floor to vibrate and shake, and launching a geyser of sand into the air! Unitzoid dodges Bean's attack, and the geyser's sand sprinkles the audience, ruining Linkara's beverage.

5 - Bean swings his staff around at Unitzoid, smacking him in the side, then pulls back so the staff's edge is under Unitzoid's armpit, and shoves, tossing Unitzoid backwards and tweaking Unitzoid's nerve for (13 damage)! Audiobabe launches into the air and fires a concussive blast towards the sands, but both opponents have moved by the time it hits the sands.

6 - Unitzoid draws forth the water in the air around the arena, where it builds into deepening, darkening clouds. These clouds begin to express a positive charge, inducing a negative charge from below. Moments later, there's a CRACK! and a bolt of lightning jags downwards, hitting Audiobabe along the way! (11 damage).

7 - Bean runs and launches a kick at Fading Aura, but he fires a geyser of water beneath him and launches himself into the air. Audiobabe hits the sand with a *whoomph*.

8 - Audiobabe sits up, and sees an opportunity. She smacks her hand into the arena's sand floor, and with an extremely low *WHUMP* the sands pick up, moving outwards in a wave. The sand overwhelms Bean! (10 damage).

9 - Unitzoid causes the storm to abate, swirling into a single drop of water, which then breaks into a hundred balls of ice. That ice falls to the arena floor! Bean manages to dodge the ice balls, but Audiobabe gets hit for (8 damage). Audiobabe responds by triggering a hemisphere of noise - a tight, powerful soundwave that moves across the sands and through the air, destroying the ice balls as they come.

10 - Bean runs, then dives beside a sand dune as Audiobabe's pulse arrives at him. He then stands and runs towards her. Unitzoid is hit by the pulse, and takes (7 damage)!

11 - Bean hits Audiobabe in a full run, hitting her in the throat with an extended arm! (12 damage). Unitzoid lands in the sands and starts to run to the two other combatants. Audiobabe chokes, surprised by the hit.

12 - Bean hits Audiobabe in the chest, cracking her sternum! (15 damage). Unitzoid arrives just in time to start an attack on Bean, when the judges put a halt to the combat.

Winners: Bean and Unitzoid. They both glow, are healed, and amidst cheers, head off the arena floor. They will be your two finalists.

Loser: Audiobabe. A half dozen ogres dressed in t-shirts that say "Staff" run out and sit Audiobabe's body into a chair, then clean her up, prep her, and force feed her a bottle of water, that heals her. Groggy, she looks around. Other ogres run out and set up a stage, and then finally, amidst fanfare, the band "Ogre Bahd Boyz" come out and sit by their instruments.

One of the "staff" ogres sets a microphone in front of Audiobabe, and as she stands, he takes the chair away and runs off.

Audiobabe sings her way into Third Place in the ArenaBattle amidst the loud thrumming of the hottest ogre band on the planet.

Afterwards, she's led off stage and eventually shows up near Serge XIII, just below the Judge's box, in the best seats of the house.

Crossfire: "Thank you! That explains it very nicely, and in a language that someone other than a physicist can understand..."

Denial is not falsification. You can't avoid a fact just because you don't like it."Data" is not the plural of "anecdote"

Bean and Unitzoid face off across the arenabattle. Bean is our expert martial artist, and Unitzoid is our master hydro-mage. The final battles are a best two out of three competition, with no stat point awards granted.

1 - Unitzoid immediately pulls water from his pack, forms a thin sheet of ice, and launches it at great speed at Bean! The ice slices entirely through Bean's left arm in a scene reminiscent of The Omen! Bean screams as his arm falls to the floor. (15 damage)!

2 - Unitzoid follows up with a spike of ice that spins in the air as it traces a path from Unitzoid right to Bean's chest. It impales Bean, killing him instantly. (12 damage)

Winner: Unitzoid! Unitzoid glows, and heads off the field amidst surprised cheering.

Loser: Bean. An ogre seamstress dashes out, needle and thread in hand, and sews Bean's arm back on, then sews the chest wound closed. She crushes a fairy and rubs it's guts into the wounds, healing them. Bean opens his eyes, and heads off the field amidst the encouragement and rooting of his fans.

Crossfire: "Thank you! That explains it very nicely, and in a language that someone other than a physicist can understand..."

Denial is not falsification. You can't avoid a fact just because you don't like it."Data" is not the plural of "anecdote"

This is the second battle of the finals. Bean needs to win this to stay in the competition... Unitzoid needs to win this to clinch victory. Bean remember, is our master physical martial artist, and Unitzoid is the hydromage.

1 - Unitzoid draws water out of his pack and starts to form an ice spike, but Bean leaps forward and kicks him in the nose, breaking both his nose, and his concentration! (12 damage).

2 - Bean follows up with a flurry of kicks to the stomach that ruptures half Unitzoid's major internal organs. Unitzoid collapses like a wet sack of sand. (12 damage).

Winner: Bean! Bean glows, and leaves the arena amidst cheers!

Loser: Unitzoid. An Ogre chef rolls out a large oven, packs Unitzoid into a unitzoid-shaped pan, stuffs him into the oven, and waits a few moments. Then the oven buzzes and the Ogre chef pulls out a fully healed Unitzoid!

Crossfire: "Thank you! That explains it very nicely, and in a language that someone other than a physicist can understand..."

Denial is not falsification. You can't avoid a fact just because you don't like it."Data" is not the plural of "anecdote"

And so it all comes down to this - the final battle between Bean and Unitzoid. The winner becomes the Grand Champion of the tournament.

Just a recap:

Bean is a physical master; a martial artist who wields a staff, and dresses in a cool, matrix-style.

Unitzoid is a superhero and a magician. He uses water-magic to great and unusual effect.

1 - Bean and Unitzoid walk out from opposite ends of the arena, to a spot about twenty feet apart, in the center of the arena. The camera pans between the two of them. It's dead silent. Then, Linkara blows an airhorn! (who gave him an airhorn?)

2 - Bean dips to a forty-five degree angle and runs like the wind. Sand sprays behind him as he runs headlong towards Unitzoid. Unitzoid begins to draw water out of the atmosphere, and a freezing (but not camera-blocking) mist starts to fill the arena.

3 - Bean places a flying kick to Unitzoid's midsection, knocking him backwards into the sand! (9 damage). Unitzoid superheats and vaporizes the water he'd been working with and it erupts into a steam blast that scorches Bean for (12 damage)!

4 - Unitzoid scrambles up from the sand while Bean reels backwards from the steam. They face each other again.

5 - Bean jumps forward and throws a kick to Unitzoid's shin! Unitzoid dodges it and hits Bean with a geyser of water that throws both of them apart, but does (9 damage) to Bean!

6 - Bean slides to a stop on the wet, sandy floor and runs full tilt back at Unitzoid, who landed badly and is just standing from the soupy sand! Bean clotheslines Unitzoid! (8 damage).

7 - Unitzoid fires water deep into the sand under Bean's feet, causing it to boil and mix... forming quicksand! Bean drops his pole across the ground and uses it to burst out of the quicksand! He lands with a kick to Unitzoid's face (11 damage).

... Unitzoid falls.

Your Winner, and Grand Champion of the ArenaBattle 2, BEAN!

Bean glows and heals.

Balloons appear in the sky and drop across the whole of the arena. Fireworks ignite and explode in the sky, and streamers erupt from well placed stations around the arena floor. The Audience is on it's feet, screaming and stomping! The light stays on Bean while the camera pans around him.

Unitzoid glows and heals, then walks over and shakes Bean's hand. The applause and cheering continues.

All the ogres from throughout the battles come out, and parade around the arena, each displaying their own seperate skill. They stand around the edge of the arena.

All the previous competitors come out and are announced one at a time. They too walk around the arena once, and stand in a circle around Bean and Unitzoid.

The grande finale' of fireworks erupts, lighting the sky in a technicolor dazzle!

ArenaBattle 2 is brought to you by Nature's Best Milk - Nature's Best. Our milk comes from the best teats around.

And by the makers of BandAide Brand Adhesive Bandages (close up of Linkara).