Thursday, December 22, 2011

wildcard thursday: single around the holidays

I stumbled across this post on Tuesday from this awesome blog I follow and loved it so much that I begged the author to allow me to repost it here on the ol' bloggity blog. She graciously obliged. I've not edited or changed anything so these are her words, referencing her past...but boy can I glean some good advice from the lovely Leslie and all that she's been through. She's pretty funny too.

So, for all my single friends (AND for those of you who AREN'T single but maybe have single friends), enjoy!

I preface this post with the following:

Single does not translate to Desperate, Depressed or Unhappy, and by no means does this post imply that. In fact, a lot of girls LIKE being single, including myself during that time. Like, seriously loved it. I learned so much about myself; who I was, what I stood for, etc. I learned how to be independent. I bought a car. I took trips with my girlfriends. Summary: Ihighly recommend spending a few years enjoying yo'self sans boy.

And if you are single during the holidays, I highly recommend kissing a complete random guy on New Year's Eve, just Because. You. Can.

Not that I ever did that...ever...but it looks fun...from what I've seen on movies and whatnot...because I would definitely not kiss random strangers....

But, for those of you out there who are at the point where you just wish you had a great guy to spend Christmas with, (boyfriend, or otherwise), I know how ya feel. During college and for years after, being single during the holidays was fun! Back then, there were no stupid questions from friends about when I would settle down or when I'd cash in my bikini for a baby bump.

I mean, who asks a 20 year old, "So why haven't you settled down yet?"

But then years passed.

Then it became less cool to be alone during Christmas.

When I was 22, I began dating someone. Three years passed, we were still together. For reasons I'll never care to know, he refused to solidify any kind of commitment with a ring or even a promise of a future together, (and BOY was that a blessing in disguise.) Holiday functions were torture. Not because I wasn't someone's wife, (there's plenty of time for that), but because he flatly refused to go to my family's home for Christmas or (Lord forbid) spend Christmas Eve away from his parent's house, like most grown people do. It became increasingly embarrassing to go to parties and face questions about when he would propose, or even better, WHY he hadn't proposed yet.

Now, let me interject here and say, in the South, if you're not married by the time you've graduated college, there must be something wrong with you. It's getting better, but still, it sucked having to deal with the questions.

This point in my life was agonizing. And embarrassing. And I knew it was time to cut the dead weight.

We parted ways in 2009 and I honestly felt as if a huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders. But then Christmas rolled around...another holiday season spent alone. Attending parties alone. Blah, blee, bloo.

Single can be SO fun....if you have friends who are also single. I (at this point, anyway), did not. Not one single friend. Lemme' tell ya, it ain't fun to be third wheel at every party and get together.

Last year was the first time really EVER that I'd spent my Christmas with a real, legit boyfriend who wanted to spend Christmas at MY house. (This boyfriend, coincidentally, became my fiance one week later.)

And it was amazing.

But this time of year still makes me hurt a little for the single girls out there who DO long for a sweet guy to kiss under the mistletoe. Trust me when I say, I have sooooo been there. It sucks to spend an entire car ride trying to come up with witty comebacks for when your Great Aunt asks, "Why don't you get married?" "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" "You know, if you want children before your eggs dry up, you need to find a man!", as one older woman asked me one time. For real.

Just know that what you're feeling is legitimate. There's nothing selfish or silly about wanting a male companion with which to spend Christmas Eve. Also, know that your Mr. Right, that amazing man that will one day go to all of your crazy family functions with you and kiss you under mistletoe, is on his way. It may be this year, it may be in a few years. Be patient. God has perfect timing.

I pray daily for the single ladies who are at that point in life where they want to settle down. It's easy to get bummed out, especially during times like the holidays, but please keep your heads up. Just remember that I met Stephen in the most random, unexpected way; likely the way it will happen for you, too : ) It was when I was happy and content with myself. God knew that if I loved myself, I could then love someone else wholly and unconditionally. You'll get there. You'll have your first Christmas as a girlfriend and a fiance and a newlywed.

But if you are solo this Christmas and need some good comebacks when peeps ask why you aren't dating or married, I've personally used all of the following below:

Pestering Friend/Family Member: "So why are you still single (insert name)?"

That's all the witty comebacks I've got, girls! Seriously though, just know that y'all are in my thoughts right now. Keep your pretty, perfectly structured chins up. God is working on someone amazing for you, just wait and see.