Here’s to Summer! The lazy days when skin and the leather of couches become synonymous, when the only thing to interrupt your afternoon slumber is the jubilant music of passing ice cream trucks and the naive laughter of children, unaware of the coming zombie apocalypse. Free of finals, papers, and Yoshua, enjoy your free time my fellow students — you will not bask in such luxury again.

No, not because the world is ending in December (we still expect our presents), but because you go to Cal, so suck it up. Now is the time to do all the things, do all the people, and get jiggy with it. Here at the Clog, we endorse hedonism (with protection) but in its most efficient, optimal sense. So here is a club crawl to guide you through your counting days of freedom before you’re back dodging flyers and 4.0’s at Cal once again.

The Crib (18+)

The first but definitely not best place to shake your sloppies is The Crib[1], located in San Francisco. The Crib is open every Thursday — perfect for a post-humpday hump.

As a venue, The Crib holds its own. It’s spacious with two huge rooms and a multitude of poles and stages, making it perfect for dance enthusiasts or people who want to see what it feels like to be a teen mom. The music is usually hip-hop centric but the occasional pop sneaks in via Gotye. The drinks are fair (supposedly, as we are under 21) but nothing to call home about. Unfortunately, the scene at The Crib isn’t always the prettiest. We don’t walk into every gay club expecting to pick boys like flowers from Monet’s garden, but the average boy/girl found at The Crib is acceptable at best and for a $10 cover, this is disappointing. If you’re thoroughly drunk and your judgement is thoroughly impaired though, The Crib is your best option on a Thursday night.

The Café — BoyBar Fridays (21+)

If you find that you’re able to contain yourself for one more night or your ass just isn’t sore from the night before, The Café[2] is conveniently located in San Francisco’s Castro district. From our other token gay on the ground, Ryan Roschke brings nothing but positive testimonials about The Café. For the mere cover of $5, this club is equipped with a smoking lounge, great music and great dancing til 2 a.m. The scene at The Café is usually full of pretty gay boys (and go go boys) but girls who are looking for fun and straight men who are comfortable with their sexuality are also welcome. If one does not find the boys quite as pretty as Ryan attests, drink up — The Café serves moderately expensive but very strong drinks so get ready to get crunk. And if by the time you stumble out of The Café, you find that the boys and Jesus juice are not enough to satiate your mouth, the club is conveniently located near lots of restaurants for drunk eating (specifically Nazario’s Pizza). Yay satisfaction!

Now, we know, we said this was a “Club Crawl”, not a “Gay Club Crawl,” but here at the Clog, we promise to bring you the best and the most fun. It just so happens that the best and most fun correlate with gay (in both definitions of the word). But for the straight folks who truly feel left out, we bring you DNA Lounge.

DNA Lounge — Bootie SF Saturdays (21+)

DNA Lounge[3] is located in the SOMA District of San Francisco — Google Map it now, because by the time you stumble out of DNA at 3 a.m. or later, you’ll be too drunk to navigate yourself in a straight line, let alone all the way home. Every Saturday DNA Lounge holds an event called “Bootie-SF”, which is heralded “the biggest bootleg mashup party in the world”, so for some it’ s an understatement to say DNA has good music and dancing. The drink specials are always delicious and reasonably priced and the cover is also a reasonable $10 before 10 p.m. (but 20 thereafter … wuuuuuttt?!). Being “the biggest bootleg mashup party in the world,” it understandably gets crowded and sweaty, but the scene is filled with very diverse crowds of people of all orientations and identifications, so rubbing elbows and fluids is an eclectic experience. And last but not least, there is a pizzeria next door (baller).

And while we’re keeping it diverse, if you find yourself in SoCal this summer, Tigerheat Thursdays at Club Avalon in Hollywood is a great option.

Club Avalon — Tigerheat Thursdays (18+)

Yes, we know Tigerheat is another gay club, but most of the time, the scene at Tigerheat is half composed of straight men and women, couples, and curious adventure seekers. The diversity is the beauty of Tigerheart, along with it’s HUGE and beautiful venue, reasonably priced $8 cover charge (before 10 p.m.) and cheap drinks. Tigerheat has become a haven of all orientations and backgrounds — an attestation that it’s just goddamn fun! The music is generally pop and good (though sometimes too loud), go go boys and girls are beautiful, and floor space is optimal for dancing. These factors culminate in making Tigerheat a go-to place if you’re in Southern California this summer.

So now that we’ve equipped you with all the knowledge to get your groove on, do so. And perhaps during the ass shaking, vomiting and screaming, you might forget that you go to Cal — your very own apocalypse, come August.