Date: Tue, 26 Jun 2001 21:01:24 -0000
From: J-dot M
Subject: Angel's Wings Part 16
Angel's Wings (Part 15)
Written by JM
--- Da da da da da... what to write, what to write? Hmmm, it's about
celebrities... yeah, that sounds good. Two very moral celebrities too...
ooh yeah, that makes it better. Let's see, what else... oh yeah, these two
male celebrities are together, but that has nothing to do with their actual
personal lives. Ha ha, oh yeah, forgot this one... it's fiction ALL THE
WAY! Is that it? I think so... wait, no... please be 18 or older or have
your parents permission. Parental Guidance is suggested. Need some
popcorn? Maybe a soda? Got to have the Twizzlers... remember, 'Silence Is
Golden'! Okay, let's move on to to the previews... ---
--- Rated PG-13: Hey, I'm back! That's right and I thought I could stay
away. No, I prayed I could stay away, but this is in my blood. I've just
got to write. Anyway, I'm glad to be back with another exciting verse in
the song of Brian and Justin's lives. Please remember that these stories
are based on the romance created for Brian and Justin through 'Brian and
Justin' and 'Just Beginning'. This is not called 'JC and Nick' or 'Lance's
Beginnings,' so please respect the fact that they will not get all the
attention in the world. If you don't know by now, send all comments to:
catsfan1@hotmail.com Thank you very much! Enjoy the show... ---
--- Feature Presentation: Angel's Wings, Rated NC-17 ---
Not every woman was as foolish as she was. Her own tenacity could never
give her a reason to walk into a situation without knowledge on what the
possible results were. Just one phone clal. That is all that it took. A
phone call from her friends informing her of the situation in California and
she was quick to catch a red-eye flight. She was brisk in packing a small
bag with hopes of ending a chapter in her life. She wanted results and
answers. Months of heartache and constant attempts to continue with her
life and now, it was all returning to the beginning. Everything fell back
to when she fell in love and when she decided that it was worth putting her
current relaitionship with Ryan Goddell in jeopardy.
Stepping out of the elevator quietly, her brown hair streaked with blonde
higlights and pinned up in a sloppy ponytail barely carressing her
shoulders, she could hear the muffled shouts and arguments occuring
throughout the hall. She slid her knapsack off her shoulder, adjusting her
tight tan shirt with nervous hands. 'What are you doing Nikki? Are you
crazy? You shouldn't be right here, in this. You should be at home, having
breakfast with Ryan and spending the day with Mandy, Veronica and Danay.
Damn it, you're still trying to get over the fact that Jenny decided to quit
the group to save her relationship with Trace less than a month ago.' she
told herself as she took slow steps down the hall. Her eyes spotted Kevin's
room and Howie's room. She hesitantly looked at the door to Nick and JC's
room, the area she heard the most arguing. She sighed softly, moving past
the door quickly. 'Don't you dare think about knocking.' she told herself,
brushing her bangs to one side of her face as she moved. Her eyes briefly
looked at Brian and Justin's door and she thought about knocking, entering
the room and talking with Brian. She thought about seeking sanctuary in
Justin's calming voice. She didn't though. She couldn't until she had
fought her own battle.
"It's about time girl." Amanda remarked, shaking Nikki from her daze and
her hidden musings. She focused her eyes on the voice and found Amanda,
Britney, and Christina lounging around on the floor. Nikki tried to offer
her friends a timid smile but couldn't afford it. It was too much when she
heard even more arguing arising down the hall. "Welcome to the fight of the
new century Miss DeLoach." Christina said grandly, raking her fingers
through her braids as she spoke. She pulled her knees up to her chest and
sighed, listening to Nick's voise raise an octive higher. He was probably
crying. "Oh yeah, it's been real hell around here." Amanda agreed.
Nikki eyed Britney. She was oddly quiet. Britney was the one who had
claled her, told her what was going on. Britney was the one who insisted
Nikki take a trip out to California and now she sat quietly. "Brian and
Justin had a fight last night because of this." Britney finally commented
and it all became clearer for Nikki. 'She doesn't want that. She doesn't
want JC to come between them again. She wants something to aspire to.'
Nikki thought, brushing stray strands of hair behind her ear.
"It's been that bad?" Nikki wondered, dropping her bag to the ground as
Amanda stood. "If not worse. AJ won't even speak to Kevin after what
happened last night. Nick and JC argue and then JC and Kevin argue and then
JC, Kevin and Leighanne argue. On top of that, they're all trying to talk
to Brian and Justin." Amanda responded, adjusting the strap of her flimsy
top. "And now that you're here..." Christina stopped herself, not wanting
to scare Nikki.
Nikki flinched slightly and glanced at the ground, hugging herself with
slight insecurity. "I know I've got to deal with this. I've got to face
this and resolve my end of this." Nikki said lowly, shifting her feet across
the ground. Symphonies of fear and questioned played throughout her heart
and she stared at the floor to prevent herself from falling into that river
of doubt. "And what if you're the one?" Amanda wondered, eyeing her friend
with careful blue eyes. Nikki lifted her eyes and arched an eyebrow. "The
one?" she questioned with squinting green eyes. "The one JC wants."
Christina explained quickly, resting her head against the wall after
speaking. Britney chewed her lower lip while glaring at Nikki. That was
the question all three wondered about. What if it was Nikki?
"If I am, I won't give up what I have now." Nikki replied strongly, a
whispered prayer in her words. Britney cocked her head to the side. There
was something she didn't know about Nikki. Sure, she knew Nikki was dating
Ryan from time-to-time, but what if there was more? Something her friend
had neglected to tell her? "What you have right now?" Britney asked,
sitting on her legs with a questioning expression on her face. Nikki batted
her eyes before sighing softly. "Ryan." she said quietly, glancing back at
Britney with assured eyes.
"Peaches." The name shook all four women, their eyes quickly moving to
the direction it came from. Nikki reluctantly turned on her heels to glance
at th man that spoke her name. Her heart raced and all of her broken dreams
were on the ground before her. Staring into those bluish eyes left her more
than weak. They left her unsafe from the sins of her past. Those stolen
kisses, touches and embraces. The moments when she knew she'd give him her
whole heart without any questions. No man ever held her heart so well.
JC hesitantly reached out toward his former girlfriend, grasping her left
hand in his own. "Can we talk... alone?" JC requested lowly. Nikki didn't
break her stare with him. She knew not to turn around and look for approval
from her friends. She knew there would be none. She merely nodded for JC
and let him lead her down the hall, into the shadows, into a corner, away
from everyone.
Nikki crossed her arms and leaned into the corner, trying to find JC's
eyes as he slid his hands into his pockets and lowered his head. She could
feel his pain and his misery. His warmth was near, but all of his warm love
wasn't. "What's happening Josh? Where is this ending?" Nikki asked,
turning her head to view the light that crept into the corner from nearby
overhead lights. "I don't know Nikki. I don't know where any of this going
or stopping or whatever. I just know that I'm finally starting to see where
I belong and who I belong with." JC replied, his voice choked.
Nikki used careful hands to turn JC's face toward her. She could see
captured tears in his eyes, pleading for release. This was hurting. His
life was spiralling downward and he wasn't the one that caused it this time.
He wasn't at fault completely. He tried to love someone without reason
and this time, he was caught. "You know these things just cause Nick
finally broke down and told you this marriage of yours isn't all that you
wanted it to be?" Nikki questioned, ignoring the pain in JC's eyes to find
the answer she wanted.
JC sniffled quietly and smiled at her. This was the Nikki he knew. The
one that wanted to hear the words. She didn't seek coded messages or clues
that would appease her just enough. "What can I say? Catastrophies bring
out the best in me." JC replied, finally batting out a tear. Nikki caught
it with her thumb and rubbed it away, disappointed by her former boyfriend's
current state. "No, they don't Josh." she responded, wrapping her arms
around his neck to draw him closer to her own body. Something inside of her
strummed a melody that awakened her senses. As JC's arms drew around her
waist and he snuggled his head to her neck, the song became stronger in her
heart. She wasn't supposed to do this or feel this with him.
Oh, whoa, ooh
Ooh, ooh, oh, ooh
I got somebody
Waitin' at home
Someone who gives me love
Like I've never known
So won't you tell me
What am I doin'
Chasin' shadows
In some dark hotel room
I won't lie and say I'm proud of myself
But lately, I've acting like somebody else
I know that I should walk out that door
Still I'd hate to leave without what I came here for
"You were my first love, Peaches. Until Lance came along, I didn't know I
could truly love anyone other than you. I didn't know I'd fall in love with
a man because I had so much in my heart for you." JC whispered, rubbing his
thumbs along the seams of Nikki's pants. Nikki closed her eyes and exhaled
quietly. What was he saying to her? She needed to know. "You were my
first love too Josh, but does that mean we can go on forever trying to make
it happen again? Is this even what we want?" Nikki questioned, dragging her
fingers through JC's lengthy hair. She felt him squeeze her tighter, but
she still didn't hear the words.
And I ask myself
What's a nice girl like you
Doin' in a place like this
Stealin' a kiss
And I ask myself
What's a nice girl like you
Doing in a place like this
When I know that I'll never be his
Nikki felt warm tear drops caress her collarbone and she fought her own.
"God, Josh, why can't you figure out where you're going? Why can't you just
tell me if I'm the one that's going to lead the way or am I going to be left
behind?" Nikki asked him before kissing the top of his head. She sighed as
he lifted his head and kissed her cheek. His fingers interlocked behind her
and he pulled her from the wall, staring into her eyes. "Will you cry if I
answer this question?" JC wondered, tilting his head to look deeper into her
eyes. Nikki blinked back the obvious tears before nodding. She smiled
sweetly while agony plastered itself through her spirit. JC smiled back and
sighed, closing his eyes again to let another small tear slip down his pale
face.
Is it the passion or the danger
What does this stranger have, ooh
That I hunger for
If I dig deeper
Will I find it
The strength to stand up
And leave this behind
Never thought that this could happen to me
I'm doing things I never thought that I would believe
The time, the place, this I know them by heart
One other thing I know is that this this isn't smart
JC leaned forward, letting his lips linger in front of Nikki's. "You were
my first love." JC whispered, his breath caressing Nikki's lips. Nikki
sucked in her lower lip and life chose to fall away. She knew what he was
trying to say but he couldn't say it. He couldn't say it to her and she
hated him for it. "And God, what I felt when we were together again. When
I was able to hold you again." JC added, tilting his head slightly. Nikki
knew he was going to kiss her and she pulled back. This wasn't right. She
drew her arms from around his neck and unfastened his hands from her back.
She watched his eyes, the question in them fueling her anger even further.
"You can't say it. You fucking coward. You can't say that you really
don't love me anymore... not that deep." Nikki hissed, a few tears finally
slipping from her eyes. JC's lips moved but no words escaped. Nikki shook
her head at him and groaned quietly. "I was your first love Josh, but that
was then. I can't let you kiss me and not mean it." Nikki added, her voice
strung out with anger and depression. She slipped past him and walked back
to the light, back to the world she belonged in.
And I ask myself
What's a nice girl like you
Doin' in a place like this
Stealin' a kiss
And I ask myself
What's a nice girl like you
Doing in a place like this
When I know that I'll never be his
Nikki refused to look back at JC or listen to him speak to her. She
walked hastily down the hall, searching for something else to grasp onto.
She didn't belong there anymore. She should've stayed in Olando, stayed
with Ryan. But she had to know. She had to know whether or not she was
forever his. Deep down, somewhere in that heart of JC's, she was. She knew
that. She knew that neither would be able to just walk away from what they
had, but they could walk away from what they have and that was nothing.
"Nikki?" Kevin's voice caught her attention as she walked and she slowed
and looked at him. She stared at him. She glared at him. Kevin
Richardson, another of her former boyfriends. Another one that burned her
deeply. It never got any easier for her.
Nikki strutted toward Kevin, his tall body standing in the doorway of his
hotel room. Nikki did not care about Leighanne standing in the back of the
room, talking on the phone with her back turned to Nikki. She just smiled
at Kevin before raising her hand. With the crackle of the thunder that only
existed in the darkest storms, Nikki's palm slammed against Kevin's cheek,
leaving it red and barely bruised.
Kevin backed away, startled by the act. He used one hand to grab his
face, hold the stining cheek with baffled eyes. "Nikki?" he wondered, but
he knew why she slapped him. He knew why that smile had faded. She knew.
She knew what had occured that night and his plan was slowly backfiring on
him. He wasn't expecting it. He had hopes that she wouldn't get wind of
what happened. He wanted Nick to stay quiet and spare everyone this drama
and now, he wished that Nick hadn't even seen JC that day because now he was
losing Nikki again.
Yeah yeah
Last night I saw you the first time since we broke up
I tell you baby, it all came back to me
When I looked into your eyes, there was something more
That I never really noticed before
"You fucking asshole. You did this to them, to all of them. You helped
her with this game and now you've ruined my life, JC's life, Nick's life...
everyone's life. And for me?" Nikki barked out, anger encircling her as she
spoke. Kevin shook his head, trying to get past the shock of Nikki's slap.
"I did it to be with you. I love you and I need you Nikki. I want you back
in my life and I want to be back in your heart." Kevin replied, his voice
strung out on disappointment. A guitar played his heart out to his mind and
he could only think of those words to explain how he felt. "I love you." he
said again, but he knew he was speaking to the wind.
Could it be that all along
And I was so wrong
When I realized and turned around
That you were gone
If I say I want you back
Would you turn around and say you want me too
Cause I say I want you back
This time I really mean it
Nikki shook her head, glancing into the room again to look at Leighanne
who was staring back with disbelief. "You worked with her to do this and
you say you want me back? Could that be anymore ironic?" Nikki asked,
crossing her arms. "It's true Nikki. What happened that night between us
meant nothing. You have to understand. Me and Leighanne know what's
right." Kevin said, taking a few steps toward her. Nikki did not hesitate
and backing away from him. "That's utter bullshit. You think that me and
you are right and she thinks that Brian and her are right. That isn't
right." Nikki argued.
Kevin reached a hand to her, hoping that she would reach back. She
didn't. "You have to understand Nikki. I love you more than anything.
I've done all of these things because I love you so much." Kevin stated, his
voice shaky and his heart defeated.
Been so much I wanna tell you, I've changed for you
But I don't know what to say or do
We grew apart but I still want you deep in my heart
I believe it's time to make a new start
Could it be that all along
And I was so wrong
When I realized and turned around
That you were gone
"Please." Kevin pleaded while looking at Nikki. He kept his hand raised
to her, needing her to grab it and hold it. Nikki licked her lips before
looking at Leighanne again. Life's mysteries were meaningless when she
looked at the woman. She was the cause of their breakup, whether she meant
it or not. She had hurt many of her friends and now Kevin wanted her to
understand that working with that woman to ruin others lives in order to win
her back was comprehensible? "Please move on." Nikki finally said, turning
away from one more broken heart to restore her own.
If I say I want you back
Would you turn around and say you want me too
Cause I say I want you back
This time I really mean it
Nikki didn't have plans to look back and face Kevin or Leighanne or JC
again, but when she heard her voice, when she saw the pair of blue eyes that
haunted her, she had to stop. The eyes were in front of her, a hand on her
shoulder preventing her from walking any further down the hall. She felt
dead pieces of her heart creep inside of her veins, sending a shiver
throughout her body.
"It hurts to deal with this, doesn't it?" Nick asked, his cheeks flushed
and stained by tears. Nikki sucked in her lower lip and shook her head.
She was fighting tears and misery and thoughts that conquered her mind and
body. "You win. Damnit, you win. Can't you be happy with that?" Nikki
questioned with a tenseness that did not faze Nick. "No, I can't be happy.
It stopped being a competition when I started seeing how much it hurt." Nick
replied, swallowing hard to hold his tears. Nikki lowered her head. She
was defeated.
"You know, why can't I live happily? Why do I have to come all the way
out here to find out whether or not my life is moving in one direction or
another?" Nikki inquired, lifting her tear-clouded eyes to glare at Nick,
hoping he could answer the questions she never had solutions for. "Because
you love him Nikki." Nick blurted out loudly and suddenly, he felt pieces of
his own heart falling away.
Nikki stood stiff, bewildered by Nick's words. She saw a tear slip from
the corner of his eye and she wanted to reach out and catch it, to relieve
the stress that burdened him. "Because you love him and you knew that it
wasn't the others asking you to come here. It was him. Why deny that you
would drop everything to come see him if you knew it'd be for your chance to
be with him?" Nick stated, squinting his eyes to let the tears squeak
through. He knew that JC wasn't too far away. He knew JC was listening and
watching and waiting for a sign from either to show their feelings for him,
but Nick wouldn't give in.
You called me up to say you want to meet tonight
Something's been on your mind
And you need to talk about it
I haven't gotten over you since you first said goodbye
And what we left behind
I had to learn to live without it
But I'm zipping up my coat
Grabbing up my keys (Baby)
Hanging on a hope
And praying baby, please
Just say you made a big mistake
The biggest one you'll ever make
You're not gonna make another one this time
No
Nikki sighed and closed her eyes, allowing one single tear to fall down
her cheek. "No, Nick. No, I'm not going to say that because I can't."
Nikki replied, a sob following her words. "You can't what Nikki? You can't
say that you love him? That you want to be with him?" Nick inquired with
curiosity strung through his voice. Nikki sniffled and withheld herself
from wiping away her tears. "Cause I can't Nick! I can't keep coming back
with nothing there. I can't take the pressure anymore." Nikki barked back,
tears slipping freely down her face. "But why not? He can't be alone
forever Nikki. He's going to be with one of us. It's either you, me,
Justin or Lance. There is no one else. So why the hell do you think you
have the right to take yourself out of this?" Nick questioned, not looking
to break Nikki, but give her strength. "Because if it's not me, I don't
want a broken heart again." Nikki replied, calming herself to stare at Nick
and forget JC's presence.
Just don't break my broken heart again
Don't say you wanna be my friend
Or make love for old times sake
Or get together every now and then
Tell me you want what could've been
And that it's not too late
Just don't break (Just don't break)
My broken heart again
"I'm not going to get him back Nikki. I can see that now. So why
shouldn't you be the one to try and make him happy? Justin doesn't deserve
that chance. Lance hasn't shown interest in the past few months. You and I
are what's left for him and you mean to tell me you won't take that chance?"
Nick dared to ask, stepping closer to her. Nikki swallowed her hurt and
sniffled lowly, brushing her hair back. She took stolen glances at JC. Her
bottom lip tremble and her eyes were in pain, but she had to see if there
was concern in his face. It was. Sculpted in magnificent beauty, care was
written into his face. "Because... because... God, because I know it'll
hurt in the end when he says it's not me he wants." Nikki replied with a
whimper, closing her eyes to freshen her cheeks with tears.
I still don't know my up from down, my left from right
I'm still not sleeping nights
I am trying to imagine
Is it me you miss? Oh baby
Could it be you just miss the company? (You know boy)
I've seen it happen
Grabbing up my purse
Heading for the door (Heading for the door)
Baby, I've been hurt
How can I be sure?
I'll take a leap of faith for you
When you're in love, it's what you do
I'll meet you at our rendezvous
I'll be there cause you asked me to
Nick drug his fingers through his blonde hair, frustrated with his attempt
to get through Nikki's defenses. He eyed her as she eyed his husband, her
heart falling and falling into the abyss of her pain. "Then why did you
come all the way out here Nikki?" Nick wondered, drawing her attention from
JC. Nikki sniffled once more and lowered her head. "I had to know." she
replied in a dull voice. "And why are you still here?" Nick asked, taking a
final step closer to her. He caught the fresh tears that spilled from her
eyes with his fingers, brushing them away. He wanted to comfort her, but
who would comfort him? Who would help him get over what he knew he was
losing by helping Nikki? "I don't know why I'm still here Nick." Nikki
whispered and all she could hear was the song that filled her mind. The
song that was crafted years prior to her situation but it still felt like
she had written it in that hallway with Nick in front of her and JC not too
far away.
Just don't break my broken heart again
Don't say you wanna be my friend
Or make love for old times sake
Or get together every now and then
Tell me you want what could've been
And that it's not too late
Just don't break (Just don't break)
My broken heart again
Take my heart, please don't break it (Again)
Don't break my heart, I just can't take it (Again)
(Get together, every now and then, no)
Take my heart, please don't break it
Don't break my heart, I just can't take it
I'll meet you at our rendezvous
I'll be right there cause you asked me to
Nikki pulled away from Nick and brushed by him, walking down the hallway
in defeaning silence that yanked at her heart with unbreakable ropes. Nick
sighed and stared at his husband, watched the misunderstood expression in
his eyes. He shook his head, holding back tears for the loss he knew that
was coming. He watched JC take a shaky first step and then another and soon
enough he was sprinting down the hallway after his first love, after a dream
that Nick never had. He heard the calls for Nikki, the way JC never gave up
when Nikki stepped into the elevator without him. 'This is your life now
Nick. You did what you could.' he told himself, letting his head drop and
his tears glisten like rain down his cheeks.
Comfort. Relaxation. Peace. How long had it been since they had felt
this? How many hours of separation and concern and anger and everything
else that kept them apart? It was just too much. It was so much that Brian
wanted to forget while laying in the bed with his husband. He wanted
everything to float away and leave him with just the bed, just Justin, just
the peace that gave him serenity in his marriage.
His body was curled tightly against Justin's, his husband's calm fingers
running softly through his hair, bringing him to a state of bliss that
wasn't sexual but spiritual on some level. He kept his blue eyes closed and
his ears listened to Justin hum a tune, one that he believed to be by Mandy
Moore. He wasn't sure, but in Justin's arms, he didn't care. He just
listened and breathed and soaked up everything that was Justin.
There was a bang and, suddenly, comfort evaporated in the heat of unknown
anger. Brian lifted his head and groaned, fisting his fingers into Justin's
shirt as he glanced around the room. He heard padded footsteps and then
Nick was there, staring at them like a lost child, eyes beguiled by tears
and sufferage.
"I'm... God, I'm sorry... I don't want to interrupt you two." Nick sobbed
out. Brian wrinkled his brow, baffled by his friend's sudden appearance.
He knew why Nick was there. He had heard all night long why Nick was crying
and he hated it, but he didn't want to enter one battle when he was still
recovering from his own. He felt a cool hand slip up the back of his shirt
and fingers trickled down his spine in a relaxing manner. He leaned back
against Justin's hand and sighed, wanting to throw Nick out and find comfort
in Justin's arms again.
Nick scuffed his feet against the carpet before sighing loudly. "You
know, I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be in here when you two are trying
to be together. I just... God, I can't this any of this anymore. I'm
losing him and I'm not going to make it after him. It's all my fault, but
still... I don't want this." Nick cried, dragging his hands through his hair
before covering his face in shame.
Brian felt his heart drop. 'What are they doing to him?' Brian wondered,
stiffening under Justin's touch. "Nick, it's okay. We understand that
you're hurting right now." Justin remarked, surpring Brian. Brian glanced
back at his husband with indefinite insecurity. Justin was comforting Nick?
Hoping to ease his pain?
"I'm sorry.." Nick blutered out and that was it. That seemed to heal so
much inside of everyone. "Just come lay down. You need to let it all go
Nick and let whatever happens happen." Justin suggested, waving toward the
slightly older man. Brian arched his eyebrow, glaring at Justin with new
thoughts. This was his Justin. He knew it in the touch and the eyes but he
had never seen this side of Justin. It was intimidating but it was Justin
and he loved him.
Justin ignored him and continued to signal to Nick. Nick shyly moved
toward the bed and it only took a minute before he was there, resting his
head next to Brian's leg, closing his eyes and crying quietly while Brian
rubbed his back and Justin petted his hair.
Somehow, in someway, hours mattered in that room. Hours changed Justin
and hours made him think and consider what he didn't have while being there.
Hours brought a new silence between Brian and him. They made it awkward
and tense and Justin found it easier to want to be away from it all when he
had no reason to be happy.
He stuffed clothes into his bag without thought, his plans to return home
giving him a reason to ignore Brian and ignore what the situation did to his
marriage. "Hey... baby, are you going to at least go to dinner with me?"
Brian asked from the edge of the bed, watching Justin with lifeless eyes.
Justin didn't bother to glance over his shoulder. He merely shook his head
and continued to pack. "I don't think I have time." Justin replied stiffly,
throwing one of his red shirts into the bag. "Make time Justin." Brian
requested sternly. Justin jerked his bag up and carried it toward the bed.
"I'd prefer go home to my son." Justin responded flatly, tossing his bag to
the head of the bed before walking into the bathroom.
"What is wrong with you?" Brian called after his husband, standing from
the bed and following Justin toward the bathroom. He watched Justin gather
his toiletries and shove them into his shaving kit. His brazen blue eyes
peered at Justin harshly before he released a loud sigh and moved away from
the door. "My problem is that I came out here to visit my husband and it
seems that I have overstayed my welcome." Justin shot back, stomping out of
the bathroom with the kit under his arm while he snatched a few CDs from the
dresser. Justin carelessly dropped the items into his bag and glanced
around the room, searching for other pieces of his luggage. "Who says
you've overstayed your welcome?" Brian queried, stepping in front of Justin.
Justin eyed Brian. He didn't want to holler or yell or even fight with
Brian. He hated looking in those soft blue eyes and seeing anger.
"Everyone here has made it very clear that they want us away from each
other. All of this drama and this strain in our marriage is not what I want
right now." Justin replied, standing strong in front of Brian. His hand
flinched, dying to reach out and rub Brian's cheek once more before he
refused to look back. He couldn't do it.
Brian grumbled lowly, turning his back to Justin. "Your friend JC made it
pretty clear that he doesn't want us together." Brian hissed out, crossing
his arms with anger calling on him. Justin ran a shaky hand over his spikey
hair, losing the strength to fight with Brian. "No, Brian, your
ex-girlfriend, your cousin, and your best friend made it rather clear that
I've overstayed my welcome." Justin retorted, brushing past Brian to reach
his bag.
"So fucking blame me for all of the problems in our life right now." Brian
barked at his husband, walking away from Justin. He hid his hurt from
Justin as he walked, looking for anything that would rid his mind of their
troubles. "You know exactly what the problems are. Don't try to use
yourself as an excuse to get out of this." Justin snapped back. "Yeah, well
I can't get rid of your best friend that easily." Brian said with peering
eyes and a tight expression.
A knock stopped Justin from hollering at Brian. It stopped him from
saying hurtful words that he knew he wasn't going to be able to take back
later on. He sighed and found a seat on the bed, never looking up at Brian
as he moved toward the door.
Brian was thankful for that knock. He did not hesitate in opening the
door, looking for a reason to walk out of the room. His mouth formed a
loose smile for Leighanne when he saw her on the otherside of the door. She
smiled back, her hands adjusting her silky purple dress. "Hey there
handsome." she beamed, disregarding Justin's appearance in the background.
Brian shyly brushed a hand over his hair, letting the argument with Justin
slowly dirft away in Leighanne's smile. "Do you have plans for dinner?
Because I'm starved and you guys are leaving for the concert soon."
Leighanne wondered. Brian took a quick glance back at Justin, his frown
returning as he watched Justin pack more of his clothes. "I guess not."
Brian replied, his heart sinking as Justin ignored him.
Brian turned his attention back to Leighanne. Her hand was stretched out
to him, inviting him away from the stress that coated his heart. "Come on
Brian. It's the best thing right now." Leighanne advised lowly, her sincere
eyes swaying Brian's mind. He nodded and grabbed her hand, following her
out of the room. He let the door close on its own, not desiring the burden
of leaving Justin alone. But he did. He followed Leighanne and he left
Justin in that room to pine over what should've happened that day, what
should've been said. He left Justin to think about what JC said and what he
felt deep inside. Brian left Justin to make a decision about where he was
going and with whom.
LAX. Gate 33. 7:06 PM. They weren't really important places to him
right then, but he knew they would probably be places he'd never forget. He
knew the time and the place was going to mean a lot later on and he knew
when he saw those golden-green eyes his life was shifting toward something
new.
JC wiped sweaty palms along his jeans before adjusting his sunglasses,
trying to remain unnoticed in the airport. The airport was fairly empty but
JC didn't want to risk anything. He didn't want anyone to know who he was
when he smiled at Lance walking toward him. He wanted to be indescrete when
he hugged Lance tightly, held him in his arms, never wanting to end a moment
that he knew would mean a lot later on in his life. He hoped to continue to
be disguised from the public as he held Lance's hand and lead him toward a
corner of the airport where no one was and where no one would be.
JC sighed and slouched in his seat, letting his white, button-down shirt
ruffle up against his back. He laid a shaky hand on Lance's thigh, licking
his lips nervously as he looked at Lance through blue-tinted frames. Lance
tried to smile for JC but he sensed there was more than pain hiding behind
those sunglasses. "Have things gotten any better?" Lance asked, adjusting
the glances he wore on his face. JC shook his head, leaning toward Lance.
He shifted his sandle-covered feet against the ground as he thought over the
arguments he had had throughout the entire day. He felt Lance run a careful
finger down the strip of hair that was his goatee. "They might've gotten
worse. With Nikki there and with Nick ignoring me completely now... I feel
like I can't get any answers. I can't find out what's going to work out for
me and what's not." JC replied, his voice choked by a sob.
Lance cupped JC's chin in one hand and lifted it, staring directly into
JC's eyes. There were tears there but Lance hoped they die away and reveal
the man he missed. He wanted to see Joshua, not Josh or JC or C or Shazaam.
He caught the first available plane from Canada to Los Angeles to find the
man that had changed his life at one point and time. He brushed a thumb
along those chiseled cheeks and smiled softly. "There's always a reason to
smile Joshua. Things might be real hard now but something's going to work
out for you." Lance assured him before rubbing a finger over the tip of JC's
nose. He let the sounds of an acoustic guitar strumming through the airport
speakers guide him as he touched JC, the song projecting thoughts that he
knew too well. "Will things work out for you and me?" JC asked lowly and
Lance had to smile for his friend because he expected the question and was
hoping for it.
I must have been blind
Not to see you look away from me
Whenever you'd say you love me still
I must have been crazy
Not to feel you slip away from me
And day after day, there's a space to fill
And I can't find the words
To make you fall in love with me again
And I can't find the strength
To let you go
Lance ran his fingers through JC's thick mane, closing his eyes briefly to
withhold tears. "Sure, they're going to work out for us Joshua." Lance
replied, opening his eyes to lte JC stare into them. JC nodded, but he felt
something had changed. He felt the answer wasn't what he was searching for.
"But not as lovers, just friends." Lance added, brushing his thumb against
JC's lower lip. He kept a gentle smile to ease the pain for JC but it hurt
everywhere. It hurt to say those words to JC. It hurt to admit to himself
that he couldn't allow himself to fall into JC's arms again and stay there
forever.
"You love him too much, don't you?" JC asked with a swallowed whimper. He
let Lance pull away his sunglasses because he knew Lance had to see the
tears that were gathering in his eyes, "I love him too much." Lance replied
shortly, still rubbing his thumb along JC's lip. All JC could do was nod.
And when it's all said and done
You'll be the only one
Even when there's nothing left for us to say
As sure as the sun will rise
I can never say goodbye
Even when we've gone our separate ways
In my heart, you'll always stay
JC sat up in his seat and drew closer to Lance, everything inside of him
sizzling with agonizing pain. "But what about what you said that night?
That night after we did that chat." JC wondered, hoping to answer puzzles he
could not figure out. His shaky hands rubbed Lance's arm but his eyes
stayed still, looking into Lance's. It was important to him to see Lance's
eyes, to feel what they said. He couldn't bare hearing any of these words
without being able to glance into Lance's eyes and know the truth was being
spoken.
"I meant every word of it Joshua. I regret ending our relationship but
regrets don't bring back feelings." Lance finally said, licking his dry
lips. He watched JC's head lower but he didn't try to stop JC this time.
He only slipped his arm around JC and nuzffled his face against JC's head.
"I know that I'm always in your heart baby. There's no denying that. I
just hope you know that your place in my heart is as a friend now." Lance
whispered while holding JC and brushing his hair.
Been spending my time
Trying to remind you of our love
But you've been pulling away with every touch
With all we've been through
I never thought I'd be losing you
And I would give everything to keep you here
But I can't find the words
(But I can't find the words)
To make you fall in love with me again
And I can't find the strength
(And I can't find the strength)
To let you go, oh ho
JC sniffled but did not release his tears. He lifted his head and gave
Lance a tired smile. "He's going to make you so happy." JC whispered,
brushing his hand over Lance's shirt. Lance grinned at him. "I hope he
makes me half as happy as you did Joshua." Lance remarked. JC smiled back.
"I know where I'm supposed to be then." JC said, finding one of Lance's
hands and holding it. "You'll be happy there." Lance assured him, leaning
closer to his former love. "Promise me you'll stay with Bryce for awhile so
that your life can be a little more brighter." JC requested, pulling closer
to Lance. Lance gladly nodded, hearing an announcement over the loud
speaker that echoed a pain through his heart. "Only if you promise to get
your life right with the right person." Lance replied, tilting JC's head
upward. JC hesitated but he gave a silent reply, batting back more tears.
I still believe our love is meant to be, oh
And it will be here forever, come what may
Oh, can't you see I loved you faithfully
And one day the memory of our love will bring you back to me
And when it's all said and done
You'll be the only one
(Nothing left to say)
As sure as the sun will rise
I can never say goodbye
Even when we've gone our separate ways
In my heart, you'll always stay
"There's still one more thing before I go." Lance said and JC knew what he
meant. He knew it was why he finally let the tears fall down his face. How
could they say this? They knew they couldn't. They just did it. JC just
tilted his head and Lance just kissed him, kissed him with all he had.
Lance moved his lips slowly and painfully against JC's, feeling what he
had felt a million times before when he kissed him. He rested a hand on
JC's face and guided him, showed him the way to kiss him again. His tongue
carefully licked at JC's lips while his breathing increased, something
inside of him swelling. He could feel warm tears running against his
fingertips and he tasted them in their kiss. "I love you... God, I'll
always love you James." JC whimpered into the kiss, sucking on Lance's lower
lip with a passion that strummed a farewell melody. "I will too Josh."
Lance whispered back, letting a single tear fall down his face as he left
quick pecks across JC's lips. He stroked JC's chin as he kissed JC's lower
lip and then his goatee, trying to find the strength to pull away.
"But you know who's going to love you more." Lance whispered quietly,
kissing JC's lips one final time. He heard JC whimper and sob but he stood
from his chair and moved away from JC. He licked his lips a final time to
taste JC and his own tear on his lips. "I know." JC whimpered out, curling
up in the chair and letting Lance walk away to his flight, the flight that
took Lance from him.
The night was almost over for him. He let tears stand still in his eyes
at dinner and he even withheld his tears while onstage that night. He did
it all to be the Nick Carter the others knew. He did it for the fans, for
the people that cared for him. He didn't do it for himself. He wanted to
cry and act childish and complain about what he deserved, but he knew it
wouldn't do anything to change the situation. He knew that he could no
longer make things different. He was just Nick Chasez, a young man who
might not have what he wants or needs in life.
He ran his hands along the railing on the balcony. The breeze shifted
lightly and he sighed. Standing on the balcnoy to his room he felt like the
world watched him and waited for him to fuck up again. 'I'm not. This
time, I'm just going to give up and let things go as they may. If I'm Nick
Carter in a week, then I'm Nick Carter and I'll be that way for a very long
time.' Nick said to himself, hanging his head low as he looked down on the
world. No fans stood outside the hotel because none knew they were there.
Nick was blanketed in the shadows of the night and was thankful for it. He
didn't want anyone to see him.
He never heard a knock at the door or it open. He didn't hear the
footsteps throughout the room or the slighttest sound of someone speaking,
but he did hear music creep out into the night's air and he did feel warmth
appear behind him, strong arms wrap around him and warm breaths coat the
back of his neck. The scent was familiar, a cologne he kenw too well. The
arms were shaped the way they always were when they hugged around him tight.
A bristly goatee brushed against his neck and his rubbed against his cheek
in an apologetic way.
"Josh... if this is your way of saying goodbye... saying that it's over,
please don't. I'd prefer you leave me without someting to remember you by
than have to live everyday rembering how good it felt to be held by you."
Nick pleaded, lifting up his head as JC interlocked his fingers and rested
them against Nick's stomach. "What it wasn't a goodbye Nick? What if it
was a forever thing?" JC questioned, nuzzling his head to Nick's.
Nick went numb. He didn't believe the words. He thought they were just
ghosts in his mind. It could've been his imagination or it could have been
the wind, but then he felt JC squeeze him a little tighter and he felt JC
kiss his cheek tenderly. "You can't... Josh, you can't say that." Nick
stumbled with his words. "I can and I will." JC replied, holding his
husband with a newborn faith.
You are every part of me
And with every breath I take
Your love will light my way
And for ever day I live
The promise that I make
Is that I will never let you go babe
Nick absorbed every lyric of the song playing and the beauty of his
husband's touch, JC's touch against his skin and body. It felt like rain
falling on a sweet summer day when the wind hadn;t blown in hours and the
sun kept shining as cascading water bathed the earth. It was all Nick
wanted but never expected.
"I don't know if apologies are even enough for what I've done to this
marriage, but I can only try to mend the fences I broke by questioning our
love." JC said in only the way JC could, soft, meaningful and sincere. Nick
felt the need to argue, to make JC retract his words but his mouth held
those words back. "Josh, you know that it's my fault it got this bad." Nick
stuttered out, turning his head slightly. He felt stray strands of JC's
thick blonde-brown hair brush against his cheek and he knew that JC wasn't
moving away. JC wasn't lying this time. "No, Nick, it's not your fault. I
should've been there for you from the beginning. I shouldn't have let my
feelings for Justin or Nikki or Lance or anyone distract the feelings I had
for you. Baby, you were there for me from the start of this relationship.
I let all of those old feelings mess us up and that's why you had to do what
you had to do." JC replied, lowering his hands until they rested below
Nick's stomach, his thumbs slipping under Nick's shirt to rub his bare skin.
I swear I never knew love like this before
And for everything you are
I gotta make you know
For your love (I'd give anything for your love)
For your love, yeah (Swear I'd never make it alone)
No (And forever I'll stand by your side)
I just gotta make you see, yeah
I only live for your love
Nick felt a symphony awaken in his heart as JC touched him in that tender,
affectionate way that Nick had rarely seen over the course of months.
"Josh, we can't overlook the fact that I caused some serious damage in our
relationship... especially with this recent stunt." Nick stated, grabbing
the strength he needed to stand strong in JC's arms. His own hands folded
over JC's, his palm brushing against JC's wedding ring. "I'm not saying we
should overlook what you did Nick. I don't want you to think that what you
did was legitament, but I know that I've brought a lot of strife to this
marriage." JC replied, letting the wind brush over their bodies. He held
Nick tigether as he shivered under the cool breeze. His lips found the area
behind Nick's ear and kissed it gingerly, calming his husband's bewildered
spirit.
Nick closed his eyes and sighed into the crisp air. "But Josh, the
marriage isn't real. I mean, we really took our vows and everything but the
way it came to be... it's just not real." Nick stated in a low voice. "It
is to me. I may have been drunk and it may not have been the way I wanted
it to be, but Nick, I'm tired of chasing after love. I think it's been
sitting here and I've been too busy chasing illusions and mirages. I think
this marriage is worth saving. It's worth making it right and making it
last forever. To me, having you as my husband is the right thing and that's
why I want us to try and make this work the best that we can." JC declared
warmly.
When I was running out of faith
You still believed in me, yeah
And never let me fall
And the times I lost my way
You're the one that helped me out
You brought me through it all, yeah
I swear I never saw it like this before
Cause baby with your love, you gave me
The reason to the world
JC unlaced his fingers and let his hands slip down Nick's body to rest on
his hips. He rubbed his fingers under Nick's jeans and pushed his boxers
down slightly to brush the smooth skin of Nick's torso. He could hear his
husband clearing his throat and he knew Nick still had questions and
concerns but in his mind, they didn't matter.
"You want this to work? You still want to be with me? Still be my
husband?" Nick wondered, his voice unexpectedly filled with joy and life.
JC smiled before nodding. "Yes Nicky. That's exactly what I want. I want
you to stay Nick Chasez and I want us to work out these kinks in this
marriage." JC responded without reservation.
Nick turned his head slightly and watched JC tilt his head. They smiled
at each other, two pairs of blue eyes glittery in a new light. Nick giggled
quietly, flooded with emotions he had lost touch with. "Forever." JC
whispered to add a significant drop of sunshine to his husband's smile.
Nick's red lips grinned happily. He nodded and closed his eyes as JC drew
close for a kiss, a kiss that washed away the strong amounts of doubt that
flushed Nick's mind. A kiss that helped Nick realize that JC had chosen him
and not his first love or the man that had taken his virginity or the man he
was obsessed with and lusted for. JC had chosen the man that had introduced
him to a carefree, young and tranquil love, one that may have been
discovered by mistake but was never let go.
Oh (I'd give anything for your love)
I'd give anything, yeah (Swear I'd never make it alone)
I'd never make it alone, no (And forever I'll stand by your side)
I just gotta make you see, yeah
I only live for your love
Ping. The elevator doors slid open slowly and silence entered the hallway
with a rush. Brian stepped off the elevator with a smiling Leighanne close
behind. Leighanne tried to keep up with her former boyfriend's hasty pace
but did not fret over his mild distance. She had been with him most of the
night. She had gone to dinner with him, sat backstage while he got ready
for the concert and even got to hug him in his excited state after the show.
She was all he saw for those few hours but it was good enough for her. It
was her opportunity to remind him of what they were and what he had missed.
How she had changed for him.
Brian held a different face. It was dipped in concern with dabs of anger
and quick splashes of concern. He had not heard from his husband all night.
Not a single call. Was he gone? Did he make it home? Brian had no
answers and it stirred too many emotions inside of him. He didn't care if
Leighanne was here, there or anywhere. He just cared about what his
marriage had just experienced due to everyone but Justin and himself.
"Blitz!" a loud cry came down the hall and Leighanne felt a body crash
against hers, arms wrapping around her waist and dragging her to the floor.
Her head slammed into the wall and she shrieked in surprise. She felt the
body lift from hers and scream out vicotoriously. "What the fuck?"
Leighanne groaned, grabbing her hand with one hand while the other pulled
the hair from her face. She glanced up with a shooting pain racing through
her head. Her blue eyes squinted to view Christina standing over her.
Christina was dressed in a football jersey and a black bandanna covered the
top of her braids and were those straks of black paint under her eyes?
"Take that biotch." Christina boasted, laughing insatiably at Leighanne.
Leighanne couldn't even find the strength to stand and continue the fight.
She rolled to her side in raging pain and heard Christina's taunting
laughter adding to the agony. She focused her eyes on Brian, who had turned
to watch the whole scene in surprise. She felt the need to scream out to
Brian when she saw another body come into the picture but the ache in her
head stopped her and all she could do was watch.
"Interception!" Britney called out as she threw her arms around Brian's
waist and drug him toward an open door. "Whoa!" Brian called out as he
stumbled with Britney. He glanced at Britney as she smiled wildly at him,
shoving him into the room. He caught a glimpse of her blue football jersey
and the bandanna wrapped around her head and she too had smudges of black
paint under her eyes. "What?" Brian managed to stumble out before Britney
closed the door, Brian on the inside of the room and Britney on the outside.
"Score!" Britney screamed out, followed by a riotous laughter. "Hell
yeah! Touchdown for the real women and none for the jealous bitches."
Christina cheered, racing over to her friend. They both turned to glance at
the suffering Leighanne, smirking as Leighanne stumbled to her feet. "Ooh,
I think the competition is defeated." Britney chimed, imitating a sports
announcer with a broad smile. "No doubt. They forfeit." Christina agreed,
giving her friend a high-five as Leighanne stumbled down the hallway toward
her own room, whitewashed by the two women she thought she had already
crushed.
Brian was standing in his room. It was barely lit, only the moon from
outside shining through and into the room. He didn't care. He didn't care
that he stumbled over clothes as he walked. He only cared that his husband
was still there. He cared about Justin sitting in the windowsill by
himself, staring outside, thinking deeply. He was only concerned about
Justin still being there, still waiting on him to return.
"Baby?" Brian wondered, laying a hand on Justin's bare shoulder. He
watched Justin lick his lips with a still expression. His hand ran over the
bare flesh until he reached the fabric of Justin's tight, black wifebeater.
He could hear the soft sounds of a familiar, but redone song breezing
through the room. He lightly pushed Justin forward and his husband did not
resist his touch. Brian slid into the area behind Justin, laying his back
against the windowsill and he allowed Justin to fall back and rest against
his chest and stomach. His arms curled under Justin's until they wrapped
around Justin's waist, holding him in the dark gray room with a loose smile.
Brian brushed his face against the soft, spikey, blonde-brown hair on the
back of Justin's head. He didn't know what to say to Justin or how to
express his feelings but he knew how to touch. He knew how to express what
he felt by holding Justin and touching him and loving him. He kissed the
back of Justin's head and sighed lowly, pulling up Justin's wifebeater with
nervous hands.
I've been so many places in my life and times
I've sung a lot of songs
I made some bad rhymes
I've acted out my life on stages
Ten thousand people watching
But we're alone now
And I'm singing this song to you
"I'm sorry." Brian whispered as he brushed his cheek against his husband's
hair. He ran careful fingers over Justin's navel and over the strong
muscles of his stomach. He only heard Justin's breathing but that was
enough. Just to know Justin wasn't walking away or fighting his touches
were good enough. "I didn't mean to act like that JuJu. It was just hard
thinking about you leaving like that when I wanted to spend so much more
time with you." Brian added, rolling down the front of Justin's silky black
boxers until he saw the tattoo on Justin's hip. Rocky. It was right there,
all his devotion inked into his skin. It was beauty and it only took a
minute to know it was an expression of future years of dedication.
I know your image of me is what I hope to be, babe
I treated you unkindly
Darlin', can't you see
There's no one more important to me
Baby, to see through me
Cause we're alone now
And I was singing this song to you
Justin turned his head slightly and Brian caught a small peep of his
husband's face. He saw precious blue eyes that were rounded with love and
concern. He saw Justin sucking on his bottom lip the way he did when he was
nervous or scared or shy. He caught a glimpse of that nose he wanted to
kiss and touch and that chin that was decorated in a small, fuzzy goatee
that Brian wanted to kiss.
"JC told me that he's past the feelings he had for me and that we need to
make this work. He said he's sorry that he's come between us so many times
and that he hopes that I won't let it happen again. He also said that you
were the best man I was ever going to find and that I shouldn't forget that
my family and my marriage is worth more than *NSYNC, the Backstreet Boys,
the drama and everything else that tries to ruin what I have." Justin
explained, his voice thick with care. "He said that?" Brian asked,
surprised. Justin nodded and leaned back until his head rested against
Brian's shoulder. "And I had already forgotten. I let all of this drama
come between me and you." Justin added softly, letting his hands find
Brian's hair and his thigh.
Brian relaxed under Justin's touch, calmed by Justin's stroking fingers in
his hair. "So don't apologize Rocky. I'm not mad... just lonely." Justin
said quietly. Brian hugged Justin tighter and breathed soft breaths along
his ear. "No you're not beautiful. I'm right here and have no plans to go
away." Brian whispered, kissing the top of Justin's ear. He snuggled his
body to Justin's and let the music carry them to the place they needed to
be.
You taught me precious secrets
Of a true love, withholding nothing
You came out in front while I was hiding
But now I'm so much better
And if my words don't seem to come together
Listen to the melody
Cause my love was in there hiding, yeah
Ah, ah, oh, ah
Ah, ah, oh, ah
Ah, ah, oh, ah
Justin let a smile creep across his lips as Brian kissed the back of his
neck. "Your tickling me." Justin whispered, swatting Brian's hands away
from his stomach. Brian giggled against his skin, lowering his hands until
they caressed Justin's hips. He let them slide under Justin's boxers and
massage the top of Justin's thighs. "Sorry." Brian snickered out, laying a
smooth kiss against Justin's neck. "No problem Rocky." Justin chimed,
rubbing his hands over Brian's nicely defined arms.
"Justin, I've been thinking about our future and hopefully, our next
child." Brian stated lowly, his country accent caressing his gentle voice.
Justin chewed his lower lip and nodded, turning his head to view Brian's
blue eyes watching him. "Let's name her." Brian suggested sincerely, his
thumbs brushing over kinky hair from Justin's pubic hair. Justin swallowed
hard, surprised. His husband was suggesting an idea that he had never
considered this soon. Naming a child they didn't have? A child that they
might not even get? Wasn't that pushing it? Trying their luck? "Name
her?" Justin questioned, batting his eyes innocently. Brian gave a small
nod, his face still painted serious.
Justin took in a deep breath and the music wiped away concern. Why not?
He had faith. He believed in God. He knew that if he prayed and wished, he
might receive his blessing, his second child. "Do you already have a name
in mind?" Justin wondered, staring endlessly into Brian's comforting blue
eyes. Brian smiled at his husband's lighthearted demeanor. "I'll give her
a middle name and you give her her first name." Brian responded, interlacing
one of his hands with Justin's. Justin agreed silently but to name her?
Her first name? How could he come up with it that easily?
"Autumn." Justin spurted out and he had it. That was it. Autumn.
"Autumn." he repeated quietly, a smile gracing his lips. "Autumn?" Brian
wondered, rubbing a hand over Justin's tomach again. Justin nodded proudly.
"That's when our marriage got back on track. That's when we first made
love after being apart for so long. It's when we told the whole world we
were together. I think it signifies when our life started a new chapter
that was unforgettable. I think it's when Autumn was conceived." Justin
explained poetically. He felt Brian smile against his cheek and it was
official. "Autumn." Brian said lowly, his trademark smile touching his thin
lips.
Justin relaxed with Brian and waited. He let Brian think over the name,
the meaning. "Autumn Ava Littrell." Brian said unreservedly. Justin perked
up in his arms and let the name roll off his own tongue. "Autumn Ava
Littrell." he said softly and that was it. That was their daughter's name.
"I think Ava is beautiful. It just makes you think of beauty and sunshine
and care." Justin whispered as Brian kissed his cheek. "That's what she'll
be to us. A sprinkle of sunshine with beauty and care that matches her
brother's." Brian agreed. He saw his husband's head turned and found no
hesitation in kissing him, loving him with his lips and smiling upon the
idea of one day holding Autumn Ava Littrell in his arms while his husband
and son held him.
Hey, I love you in a place
Where's there's no space or time
I love you for my life
You're a friend of mine
And when my life is over
Remember when we were together
Cause we were alone
And I was singing this song to you
Cause we were alone
And I was singing this song to you
TO BE CONTINUED...
Song Credits (In order of appearance)
- A Place Like This (Greg Charley, Mark Mueller), performed by Tonya
Mitchell
- Want You Back (L. Lindebergh, P. Mansson), performed by Mandy Moore
- Don't Break This Broken Heart Again, performed by Innosense
- Stay (Gen Rubin, Cheryl Yie), performed by Tonya Mitchell
- For Your Love (Sam Watters, Louis Biancaniello), performed by Jessica
Simpson
- Song For You (Donny Hathaway), performed by City High
--- Okay, I can see I might not have pleased some readers or some may have
questions. Feel free to write me about this one. As you can see, JC chose
Nick and I know that's not what some of you wanted but Nick and JC got the
most votes and people made some good points. I won't say that the people
that voted for Lance and JC didn't have good points because trust me, they
did. I especially love that one reader got a campaign started to get those
two back together in my story. You go girl! But unfortunately, I ended up
having to go with the couple that got the most votes because I was torn
between the two different sides. But hopefully I can make readers like this
couple once again. And yes, there are a lot of lyrics in this one. There
were so many great songs that explained the situtations in the story that I
HAD to use them to help explain the emotions running through the characters.
And I can feel plenty of questions coming up about Brian and Justin and
whether or not they're going to adopt another child. I'll let you know by
the next story. The next story is going to be really relaxed so you can
take a breather from this drama and heavy emotion. It'll mainly be about
Brian and Justin with a hint of Lance & Bryce and Mandy & Bryan and some
other folks. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I enjoyed writing it
because it solved some issues that needed to be solved. Also, Mandy Moore's
new album is the shit! So you can definitely expect some songs from there.
You can thank that album for helping me get through a good portion of this
story. The music helped me a lot. All right everyone, go read other
stories while I think of ideas for the next one and try to get back to some
people that e-mailed me. Love ya and see you in the next one... ---