Paul Michael Peters is an American fiction author. His works include "Peter in Flight", "The Symmetry of Snowflakes", and a collection of short stories titled "Mr. Memory and Other Stories of Wonder." After studying at the Second City in Chicago, he spent extended periods of time living in Philadelphia and Toronto before returning home to his beloved big mitten-shaped state in Ann Arbor Michigan. He also writes a blog titled Everywhere Man about his frequent travels.

Last year I gave you a little insight into my daily diversion I call work. It was about the part of my job referred to as “The Infomercial”

An online panel discussion where I play the fool about the thingy, the stuff, and the binchy mckikkel in an attempt to educate people on our product, just like an infomercial.

At the last job, we did this ever three weeks, the topic was rotated each quarter, and after the second year it got really redundant. The best way to do this type of program is topic driven, make it a rare and interesting. People will flock to a good topic and educated presenters. This was the opposite of what we were doing at the last company.

Now I’ve got the new job.

There is this new set of federal regulations going into effect in May (gotta love the government - always regulating new business) and I spend weeks researching the topic. Now, I’m no Lawpirate, but I’m thinking I might be qualified to swab a deck or two after this. Lot’s of legal jargon, some interpretive papers, and a nice thick Treasure Guidelines and Parameters 2005.

Up to speed on the topic, we say “hey, let’s get our partner to talk about this too. They can talk about the thingy, we can talk about the stuff, then spend 15 minutes answering questions." New boss loves the idea. So I contract the web service at a hefty sum, get the partner to agree to present, have our own internal expert clear the date, then send out thousands of emails, hundreds of letters, and have glitter tits make several hundred phone calls. We have three weeks to go.

Once all the promo’s go out, our internal expert says, oh I can’t do that date. So we get his boss to speak. Good to move up. Last week we try to do a run through, but partner is on vacation. But the promo worked great and the numbers of people joining is booming.

Monday - we do the walkthrough but the partner isn’t feeling well. Monday night, I get the call, pneumonia, can’t present. No one to fill in.

Tuesday - Oh I can get my boss to fill in, here is his contact information. So I write him, and he is in.

Wednesday - we have the call with the new partner guy, has a few reservations, lots of questions, but will do his part.

This morning - Email from partner - dear p2, can’t do this, we aren’t real partners, and think this is a bad move.

Wow! Could have mentioned this 24 hours ago.

At times I am humble. But those times are not about what I do for a living. I’m a pro. This is where I earn the bucks. Internal expert - you are going to sit here and re-write what you say. You are now talking about thingy. Guy who works for expert, clear your morning, you are now going to talk about stuff. I’ll fill in the gaps.

We do the infomercial and I learn that new company has never done it like this before. They have never gotten these results before.

The whole building is “p2 you are the shit!” Which I am.

So that is why I haven’t written this week. Sorry. Lots of overtime for me. The good news is that I am once again a big fish in a small pond. The bad news, I’m so good at this thing I hate to do… I have to keep doing it. FUCK!