Pages

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Threads of Thought

Crocheting has become more than a past-time activity for me. It’s therapy. There is just something soothing about knotting, looping, and weaving the threads of wool.

I usually let my mind fall into a reverie of past, present, and future as I am making the patterns. I think about some issues that were or would be and map them out in my head, exactly like how I would map out the patterns and calculations for an item I wanted to make.

Each loop makes a significant contribution towards a pattern. That pattern would turn into a bag, a scarf, or another type of accessory. Sometimes I have to think forwards and backwards at the same time. What would happen if I made this loop here? Or, what pattern would I have to make to make that item?

Then I find myself thinking about things like, what would happen if I said this to Mr. X? Or, would I get that opportunity if I went to Mrs. Y? Most of the time, I would weave the threads of questions into a pattern of possible answers. Occasionally, it would become a knotty mess so I’d have to untangle the thread and start again.

I usually have to deal with a couple of “mess-ups” before I am satisfied with the result. If I am lucky, I don’t have to redo much of the crocheting because I messed-up the loop somewhere near the end. However, it isn’t a rare occasion for me to start again - from the beginning. I’d have to pull the thread and unravel the pattern’s I’ve made right to the very first knot. That’s why it is so important to plan everything ahead and make a satisfying base. I also have to check all the loops and calculations all the time.

It isn’t like writing, where you can type a draft quickly and check it later, when you’re finished. You can’t make edits in specific places, and be free to do it, regardless of the order.

When I am crocheting, every loop and knot and pattern that comes after a single misplaced loop needs to be redone. That mistake has its proportion of punishment. Or else, I don’t do anything about it and live with the unsatisfying display.

I think life is similar in this way. Everything has its consequences. Every action counts and creates the pattern of events in the big picture of life. That is why I have to plan ahead carefully and act accordingly.

Of course there are times when conditions are always changing. Then there’s always the matter of luck versus intuition. Most importantly, I believe in the everlasting presence of a greater being that predetermines and determines things we do not know of.

Thus, sometimes my crocheted scarf incorporates a pattern that differs from that of my original plans. Mainly it’s because I change plans throughout the process as I come across better possibilities or I find it too difficult to manage a certain pattern. Other times, it’s simply beyond my control. It just turned out that way, even though I did everything according to plan.

Sometimes the results are disappointing. However, every success is rewarding enough to cancel out most of the past disappointment and continue to make more items. Plus, I am blessed enough to get surprised with results that are better than anything I had planned.

Either way, when I wrap it up to give it to a friend, I find they always appreciate it, regardless of the way it looks. It’s just a bonus, they say. What matters is the process of all the effort and hard work put into it.

I think God regards us in a similar way.

***

“God, use me. Use this life. I don’t know what the future holds for me but I know that there is a vision for my life that is greater than my imagination can hold. Use me, use me. What would you have me to do…” (Oprah)