Sex and the City meets the Dalai Lama. Buns and Marty use their lively escapades to ignite an authentic inquiry into themselves ... an emotionally-naked exposé baring all.
Their keen observations of life’s twists and turns will inspire you to use your obstacles as a path to your heart’s desire.

Monday, May 13, 2013

The Wizard of 'Ah'

Relating is an art form that calls for both an ability to allow differences and a willingness to spark and flow in the name of fun and beauty. Buns and I both live with the desire to cultivate this as well as awareness and so getting together for a night out is a sure invitation to shine.

It’s Friday night and miraculously we both have a free window. Time for catch up! We choose another west end gem Travola and we can barely get seated before the topics bounce from the sacred to the profane Tigger style. I love the rush! I love making art out of nothing.

I must say we seem to be very lucky in our restaurant choices, perhaps more so than our men. Tavola, is sister to the smaller Nook where we had our last lively adventure, and it too is a treasure of taste sensation.

We settle in at the bar, relaxing in the friendly modern ambience and proceed to share lovely plates of crostini with olive tapenade, soft buffalo mozzarella, artisan prosciutto and yummy bites of egg halves with white anchovies, grilled vegetables and salami. www.tavolavancouver.com

Dennis is our bartender but Buns renames him The Wizard of ‘Ah’ after he selects a perfect wine for us. My response to the first sip of Gavi di Gavi Michele Chiarlo was an exhale of pure pleasure...ahh. For Dennis, I mean the Wizard, that sound signals victory, a successful perfect pairing between man and grape. He loves his job. The fact that his beautiful wife’s name is Ahh only added to the banter. I love a man who includes his partner in his exchanges with other females. To me it’s a sign of integrity. And you have to love a guy who within moments of meeting is talking about what being a true masculine warrior means and how a man of strength would openly cry and be vulnerable. I am impressed. He shares a ridiculous joke which neither of us remember and tempts us with food choices each more delectable than the last.

Buns and I talk nonstop on the merits of brain mapping and neuro-therapy, about her energy practice, about the teachings inherent in death and of course one of our favorites girl topics, understanding ourselves in relationship to men.

Buns shares details about her date the night before. We marvel at how men think. Actually we have no idea how they think, we just get to witness actions that seem to make no sense and then dissect them. I know it’s a standard cliché that men are from Mars and women from Venus but I prefer George Carlin's perspective when he said, “Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.” We try.

At an earlier breakfast meeting with two lovely gentlemen they both wholeheartedly agreed with a psychological study that said the number one factor that indicated longevity in a relationship was good sex. They bounced with enthusiasm for this proclamation.
And I am sitting back thinking, of course you like that statistic; it fits with your wiring.
It’s not so simple for women. Great sex does not necessarily equate to long term joy. My last long term relationship was very sexual. I would call the sex great and it was not enough. The missing ingredient for me was consciousness and the willingness to share transparently. I want a marriage of juicy bliss as well as a high degree of interpersonal consciousness.

I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out this elusive thing called chemistry and men in particular. Understanding my partner, my friends, has always been important to me.
What if I stopped I wondered. What if I give up the quest altogether, this calling to somehow understand another? It was a light bulb moment.

I don’t need to understand men; I just need them to understand themselves.

“Ahhhh,” I say loudly and the Wizard pours more wine into my glass.

Ok, I am stopping. It’s not my job to understand the world at large, only myself. Right, got it. And really, when I give up that focus on others I get to sink more deeply into myself. Without the pressure to ‘get it’ I can rest deep inside my essence and just melt into the deliciousness of being in my core.

Sinking in now…separateness dissolving.
Ahh…

And back to the discipline of pleasure, just one more bite of the sticky toffee pudding. I won’t even try to put this divinity into words. Just make the sound yourself. Or better yet go to Tavola, order it and you too will call Dennis by name.
Ahhh…

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How it all began

Our sons were friends. Like brothers really. We mothers had never met but both our guys kept saying we should. Then Duncan passed away. It was through Marty's support of Buns' grieving her son that a deep friendship was forged.

Duncan inspired us. If his life, at 22, could get snuffed out like that, without any warning, then why wouldn't we live each day to the max ... grateful for every second, whether mundane or profound?

Really, we're not interested in writing just about the happy times. We are interested in also using the pain, the sorrow, the disappointments -- the realities of life -- to stretch and grow.

Inherent in everything that happens, at the heart of it lies love. Sometimes it doesn't look like love. We have to go through all the layers of ourselves authentically and feel them in order to reveal that essence.

But hey. It's not all serious. We have a blast. We go blindly into spontaneous adventures that some might consider reckless (Marty's word), or random (Buns' word), but regardless, whatever it is we are doing, we are awake and choosing to live out loud.

If you want to catch all the glorious details of the Buns and Marty escapades, you can start with our first post under Blog Archive (November 2010 -- Today has already been amazing -- and read the posts from bottom to top).

A BUNS & MARTY UPDATE!

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