A Field of Rose Poppies2/11/2006 2:53:14 AMThank you to some special folks.Thank you Aberjhani, Karla and all who sent their birthday wishes to me or posted them online yesterday. Karla wrote a birthday poem that I will always cherish, and Aberjhani, despite having just lost his mother, took the time to post a delightful birthday story with poem for me. You both made the day more special than I would've expected, and I tell you why in the following words.

Yesterday was my birthday, and I really did not say a peep about it. Oh, last year I made a production, gave myself my own birthday party online. The reason I did that last year on my 45th birthday was because it seemed a miracle that I'd made it to my 45th. You see at the time I was still going through a horrible divorce that should've been finalized about 11 months before my 45th birthday arrived. It marked the end of a 24-year marriage.

In August of 2002, during a period in which I was recovering from serious emotional trauma and in addition was discovering I was extremely ill, my ex-husband admitted he wanted a divorce. Two months after he told me he wanted a divorce, my primary care physician told me that sometime over that past summer I had experienced an acute loss of kidney function. For that entire summer I had been in bed much of time with many disturbing symptoms. He told me that the damage was irreparable and I would need to see a kidney specialist. I learned from the specialist that I would need a kidney within the next 10 years. Furthermore, the specialist told me that that he could not figure out what had caused the loss and so it could happen again. If it did, I might find myself on dialysis sooner and in need of a kidney immediately.

When you receive this kind of news, your life changes, how you look at the world, and your priorities change also, if they were out of synch. I suddenly realized that it was time for me to start thinking about what I'd been doing with my life and if I'd accomplished the goals I once held dear. One of those goals had been to pursue a career as a novelist and freelance writer. As you can see I did begin to strive for this goal, get back on a path I'd abandoned during my marriage.

I used to be the type of person to forget my birthday. They were no big deal to me, and my birthdays are still not the big deal of lavish parties; however, I do remember my birthday now and make time to acknowledge the day for myself. I thank God that one more year has passed without my needing to be hooked up to a dialysis machine, that I’ve had one more year to help my son through adolescence, one more year to counsel my daughter in her womanhood and see her come closer to finishing her college degree. Also, another year has passed that I am free from a marriage that I didn't even realize had been killing me until the husband was out of the bedroom and doctors started remarking that they saw my health and appearance improve. One doctor has even reduced my medication. Sometimes we make excuses for the people we love not realizing that those same people will be the death of us. I made excuses for my husband’s deeds during the marriage not realizing I risked my own health and peace of mind doing so.

No, I have not received the bona fide miracle of being told my kidneys are now fine and I don't need a transplant, but I have received the bona fide miracle of embracing life with joy. This is a miracle if you know that I also am bipolar (manic depressive) and prone to bouts of serious clinical depression. Such bouts include a sense of hopelessness, worthlessness, and a disdain for one's own life. I am happy to be alive now even when facing external circumstances that would make the average bipolar suicidal. I am happy to be alive!

So, while I didn't say anything publicly yesterday, at home I was overjoyed that it was my day of birth and I was on earth to see it. Then something odd happened. People, some of whom do not know me well, started dropping by my den to tell me “Happy Birthday.” I also received birthday greetings in my email. Stumped, I wondered, “Hmm, how do they know it's my birthday?”

I looked in the poetry section to see if someone had posted something about my birthday, but I didn't see anything. I think I must've overlooked Karla's poem "Question." Then just as I was about to leave my house to pick up groceries in preparation for our impending snowstorm, I glimpsed my name in the stories section. I clicked it and it read, "The Story of Nordette Adams' Un-posted Birthday Poem" by Aberjhani. I nearly fell off my seat.

I hadn't expected to hear from Aberjhani on my birthday let alone see him post anything because I knew his family was in mourning over the passing of his mother, WillieMae Griffin Lloyd. And what a birthday story and poem it is. It made me laugh and tear up a bit too.

Upon my return from the store I decided to check Karla's den to comment on her latest poem. Again I was shocked. Karla's latest poem at that moment was “Question,” and it was dedicated to me on my birthday. I have watched Karla's work get better and better over the last 20 months. I love reading about her fights with her muse. LOL. Her poem is beautiful and yes, I cried.

In addition to these two gifts, I got to read the comments of other AuthorsDen members wishing me Happy Birthday. All of you made my day very special and made me feel that I am reaching my goals and living my life in a better way than I have in the past, that I am not wasting time. Thank you. You have no idea how much your words mean to me.