Sunday, January 29, 2017

Oh, good! Another short one. Well, if you spend any time at all looking at Guetty Felin's online CV over at the IMDb, the first title that might jump out at you is A Rooster on the Fire Escape, if only because there's not a year associated with the title, as is the custom with the other 99.99999999% of movies featured on said IMDb. But when you get right down to it, such a concept is damn near timeless... even if fire escapes are less than a century old. A Fish in the Bathtub, A Rooster on the Fire Escape, nature always finds a way to adapt to the constantly changing, never not domineering world of Homo sapiens... David Chudnovsky? Surely not THIS David Chudnovsky? Nah, I don't think so. I have yet to hear of someone being one of the greatest living mathematicians AND being transportation captain on "American Pie: The Naked Mile." When speaking of mutual exclusivity, that comes to mind.
But when you've got a small résumé like Guetty, you seem to be deciding whether to stick with the world of documentaries, or the world of film fiction. Which is probably why Michael Apted, for one, finds comfort in neither. Hunted, despised, shunned at the Port Angeles film festival, types like Apted really do have to build their own race of atomic supermen, to show the world of men and the world of Mother Nature that they can be its master. For Guetty, nothing less than a documentary about Obama would have to do... now, was Obama actually in the movie, or is it just file footage? Somehow I'm thinking the latter.
Nevertheless, when you've been to the mountain with a documentary such as Closer to the Dream, the world of semi-fiction calls you back. He got the idea soon after wrapping Closer to the Dream for doing something about an earthquake in Haiti. Tapping into that whole Paris je t'aime vibe, he came up with the vaguely autobiographical Ayiti mon Amour. Also, there's no shame in hitching your star to a more energized director like Thomas Lennon... and NO, not thisThomas Lennon. Geez Louise. We need more names. The name pool is getting too shallow.

Sunday, January 22, 2017

For some, and probably not that many, filmmaking is a joyous experience, and they float from project to project, while all the rest in their wake do all the heavy worrying and lifting, and special effects nerds spend four years of their life grinding away on an eight-second special effect that, if you blink, you'll probably miss. That's where the sound guys come in, with visual cues to help you remember to wanna go back and check out what you missed by blinking.
For others, however, it's an uphill battle all the way. And just as Donald Drumpf knows that the American presidency is probably something worth trying to hang on to, so too do film directors know that trying to get to that rather plain-looking folding chair for said director is a worthwhile goal, even if the rest of your family doesn't agree with that logic at all. And no matter how much they mutter about getting out of the biz forever, they still wanna go for it with renewed vigor and passion.
And so, our next auteur, Senegalese triple threat Safi Faye, seems to fall into that pesky second category. And it would seem that Senegal is Africa's Hollywood, and to be out of Senegal is to be out of town.
Safi's cinematic journey began with something called Petit a Petit or Little by Little in English. Safi was bitten by the acting bug before the directing bug got a bite. And given that she plays a character in the movie named Safi, well... it's either the stars and planets lining up in grand coincidence style, or it's just extreme laziness on the part of the writer / director / cinematographer / caterer. Who does this guy or gal think he is? Peter Hyams? Mary Ann Bernard?
One taste of France, and it was right back to Senegal to begin the long director's journey. The first title to pass into obscurity was La Passante. It's not even at Scarecrow Video, for God's sake! After a long break to grouse about how cruel and unusual the business is, it was time for Kaddu Beykat with Assane Faye as Ngor, a young man... any relation, perhaps?
Having conquered the world of fiction, it was time to move on to the world of fact, which brings us to two documentary films and... well, if the IMDb won't tell me what they're about, where else am I supposed to go? Wikipedia? ... okay, Wikipedia it is. And to make matters worse, apparently her native Senegal has taken to banning her films rather than showing them. Well, screw that country. Probably better to live in Paris anyway.
1996 brought us so many great films, mostly The English Patient, but Safi was busy as well! She completed and released the strangely autobiographical Mossane with Alpha Diouf as.. Ngor?!!! Well, you can't keep a good name down. As for Safi, well... apparently, that was really, really it. She'd been thinking about getting off this celluloid merry-go-round for years, but this was finally the proper catalyst she was waiting for. Time to quit the best job in the world, and move on to the second best job in the world: single parent. And should their kid maybe someday see a movie camera lying around, or run across that old grainy VCR copy of La Passante or Mossane, well...

We here at The Movie Hooligan just don't understand it. America was looking fine just yesterday, and showed up as scheduled to the premiere of xXx: The Return of Xander Cage with that hot young Russian mail-order bride on its arm. But then they found this note, talking about depression, suicidal thoughts, and running off with this older, orange double-agent gentleman that's... apparently going to be their new president?
Yeah, fiction's fun. Now I'm growing as weary of The Facebook as the next Facebook user is (they still have "poke"s? Really? Seriously?), but guys! PUH-LEEZE! Whoever's putting up the money for this continued plague of fake obituaries... it's OVER! I, for one, have been mentally vaccinated against it already! The trend is finished trending! I get it! Fake obituaries are fun! Okay, okay, you can keep doing the Mark Wahlberg ones; maybe it'll motivate him to try doing more Oscar-worthy fare than his usual starring role.
Meanwhile, Agent Orange is now in the White House... let the resistance begin. For starters, I hope Sen. Schumer holds fast to his promise of keeping the Supreme Court at eight judges. You know, the Biden Rule and what not. I mean, hey! Maybe the Biden Rule can be applied to a Russian-sponsored American presidential election. I don't know, I'm not a political guy! You tell me! Also, it's nice to see smaller crowds at the inauguration. I mean, the one on the LEFT? Ick! Looks like my neighbour's awful gravel driveway! I don't wanna drive on that! Maybe there's a nail hiding in there, just waiting to make love to my car's tires. I'm already in hock up to my ... my neck! I wanna hold off buying new tires for a while, okay?
Anyway, let's get back to the real news. M. Night Shamalamadingdong is back where he belongs, back in Box Office Baby's arms. I understand that, just to be safe, his hometown in India just banned filmmaking as a hobby for all their town's residents. "Follow a path less destructive, ANYTHING! Become a child soldier, distribute anti-freedom propaganda, poison the water well... anything. Bring pride back to our once humble, normal village," the town elders purportedly said. But you can't argue with results, the kind of results that Will Smith was hoping for with After Earth. M. Night's #1 project is called Split, and apparently he bastardized that Hollywood project floating around from producer's desk to producer's desk, in mothballs for 20 years, that James Cameron and John Cusack were once attached to, about a dude with 23 personalities. M. Night's contribution? A 24th personality that decides to become a kidnapper. Genius. Not Drumpf-level genius, of course, nothing could even dream of becoming asymptotically close to that, but genius nonetheless.
Meanwhile, at #2, there's a new Xander Cage movie out. Vin Diesel's back in the role now, which I guess means Ice Cube's officially chopped liver... at least, for that role. Maybe he can do a sequel to Are We There Yet? Fill out the trilogy kind of deal, sell it at Costco, make another mint. Personally, I think Vin Diesel got confused and thought he was doing another Fast and Furious sequel, but its poor performance at the box office should be telling. Apparently, a Fast and Furious sequel is still a guaranteed #1 at the box office, and NBC is willing to put its full weight behind it, with MTV-style concerts in its honor. You know, just kinda casually getting the word out. Nothing serious, unless you want to fall out of favour with your cool, douchebag friends. It's a full-time job. Meantime, a dream deferred is a dream denied, every day Diesel doesn't get to work on his Cleopatra, an epic about Hannibal Barca... and with REAL elephants, not those bad, first-generation Jumanji animated ones!
There was one other debut this week, and that's The Founder, about McDonald's CEO Ray Kroc. It kinda figures that film director John Lee Hancock would want to be a part of this particular project. With projects under his belt like The Alamo and The Blind Side (yecch), what could be more American than a story about the Golden Asymptotes?... I mean Arches? It was released in time for this year's Oscar consideration... but I kinda hope it gets snubbed, if only a little. The Oscars like to pay tribute to the craftsmen and women of film, not their sponsors.

Sunday, January 15, 2017

There are actors who try their hand at directing, and say to themselves... nah, too much for me. That seems to be the case for our next auteur, Kent Faulcon. Faulcon, incidentally, is French for "falcon." And it probably has that weird accent under the c... what's that called again? (Use Alt-0231 for lowercase ç, Alt+0199 for uppercase Ç, BTW. I'm pretty sure we didn't call it a cedilla, but whatev'z) I guess when you work with Sam Mendes and Steven Soderbergh, you might get a little intimidated by the director's chair. I mean, for one thing, these guys are always on their feet! They don't even use the damn chair! Sodie's always on the crane with the camera for some reason, for one thing... damn, I double checked first. He was the dude at the beginning of Men in Black 1 who says "We're here because we're the best of the best of the BEST, sir!" I kinda remembered, I swear!

It's that time of the week to give my advertisers new space to peddle their completely legitimate wares... Anyway, A Star Wars Story has dropped in popularity sufficiently so that Hidden Figures could rise to #1 and stay there. Apparently, it also happened sometime last week during the recount, but I just... I can't keep track of all these things. I go by the original count. I mean, it's not like counting ballots for the president of the United States, is it? And don't forget! There's all sorts of other positions and initiatives and referendii being voted upon, in addition to the president. Here, it's just dollars! Or maybe just go by the number of tickets sold! How about that? Nah, not as fun. Gotta be in dollars. Probably. You know, invisible hand of the market and what not.
So let's just get back to the debuts. Why Him? is gone, Marge. Long gone. The first debut is a new horror pic called The Bye Bye Man. Our generation had Candyman, this one has this. So what heavy Hollywood hitters are at work here? Well, del Toro's go-to guy Doug Jones plays the titular character here... doesn't hurt. Meanwhile, that Matrix actress gal Carrie-Anne Moss plays a detective here... who's also a single mother. Damn it! Damn you, Hollywood typecasting! Anyway, the point being, you'll never look at the phrase "bye bye" the same way again. That's just how into your head this film will get. Well, still better than when "buh bye" got into my head in 1995. Different time back then. This was when "Saturday Night Live" was in turmoil, and people were threatening to boycott if certain sketches were done a third time. I tell you darlings, you really can't buy that kind of negative publicity. You really, really can't.
The next debut is the next collaboration between uber-manly director Peter Berg and uber-manly leading man Marky Mark Wahlberg... and it's here. Because sometimes, even David O. Russell needs to work with new people. It's about that 2013 Boston marathon bombing, and... you see? Even the most horrible of clouds has a silver lining! We get this great, great movie out of the deal! Maybe terrorist acts ain't so bad after all!
Our next debut is for those who can't wait for Real Steel 2... okay, it hasn't come out yet, as of this writing. Mostly due to lack of interest. Hard to believe the first one came out! But you know how it is. Hugh Jackman didn't have an X-Men cameo on the horizon, he had three months to spare, and his agent said "Zemeckis has a project where you spend three months in a garage, and in front of green screens." Who's going to turn that down? Anyway, the Scrat guy got a similar notion, and decided to take trucks of the monster variety, and combine it with... that's right, an actual monster. It's like E.T., only way cooler, and way more 2017. It's called Monster Trucks and... well, I tell you this. I actually work in redneck territory and, while I didn't talk to any of them for any length of time, they weren't talking about this movie. Somehow they always know.
The next debut is called Sleepless... and no, not in Seattle. No, this was filmed in Vegas and Atlanta, or so it would seem. Besides, as Nora Ephron often said, New York rules, Seattle drools. All I know is that this Michelle Monaghan is defeating herself at the box office this week, with this one and the Marky Mark film she's also in. Oh, don't kid yourself, people. She's big. She's the new Maura Tierney, she is. The name Monaghan will echo through eternity because of Michelle, and also because it's already echoing to an extent, but we'll surely be talking about it some more as time marches on.
And finally,... oh, that's the last one. Pee Pee Party 2017!

Sunday, January 08, 2017

Students of filmmaking, take note. Our next auteur, Leslie Farrell, is an example of the evolving of an artist. When you're young and idealistic and just starting out, you try things like his 1995 effort, "America's War on Poverty." (spoiler alert: poverty makes out okay after the ceasefire was negotiated) Well, 1995 was indeed a different time. People were trying to care about social issues, Windows 95 was just hitting, and even the manliest of men were, um... experimenting. Well, hey, if there's one thing men and women can agree on, it's mascara.
Anyway, after conquering poverty, it was time to climb a little higher up Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs... love that thing. So let's say, with poverty conquered, that's mastering the "Safety" and "Physiological" rungs of the pyramid, so to speak. Now it's time to move on to self-actualization. Personally, I think it's out of order. I think it should be self-actualization, then esteem, then love/belonging. But who knows? People can spend their whole lives trying to figure out the love/belonging part, as many of Hollywood's finest rom-coms can attest. Seems like the best of douchebags and a-holes figure out the esteem and self-actualization just fine, and quite early on.
And so, after poverty, we get a celebration of the physical form, and the perfection of it through the building of muscles. And so it was time to explore the journey of the African-American athlete... incidentally, that's the title of the result. "The Journey of the African-American Athlete." Coincidence? The hasty follow-up was the more general "Sports on the Silver Screen." I mean, hey, why waste perfectly good research? I mean, why do it?
After a small mini-vacation to help take care of the kids, and it's back to work. Blatantly riding the very long and epic coattails of Michael Bay's 2001 effort, Pearl Harbor, we get Farrell's "History Undercover: Road Map to Pearl Harbor." And if that title doesn't grab you, well... nothing will. I mean, look at that sh... stuff. You got road map, you got undercover... what could be more provocative?
And then, Dubya's second term came along. Something about it put us all in the mind of slavery, but Farrell actually did something about it, giving us "The Challenge of Freedom" and "Slavery and the Making of America." The dude's nothing if not prolific! But before Tyler Perry became the Grand Master of all things dramatic and funny, Farrell tried his hand at drama with something called "Miracle's Boys." I don't want to say that Leslie had a bad time making that, but... it was six years before his next project, so the bitter aftertaste must've been there a little bit. Li'l bit. Li'l tiny bit.
2012 brought us "Electoral Dysfunction," about four years too early, in my estimation. But let's face it: when you get into the Mo Rocca business... it must be a pretty bumpy ride, because he doesn't seem to go for high-profile collaborators. He clawed his way to the top of "The Daily Show," and he ain't going back down to the bottom. Not like Demetri Martin, no sir. While I have no idea what conclusions or takeaways or Teachable Moments (TM) all involved came away with from 2012's "Electoral Dysfunction," I'm sure it must've been funny, maybe mildly amusing. Not so much these days, where it's now referred to as "electile dysfunction." I mean, for God's sake! Chuck Woollery had to speak his mind about it on Fox and Friends! That's how desperate the times have gotten now! While we feel the need for greed, Woolery feels the need for exposure. We'll be back in two and two.
But producing's the thing. Producing is the new directing. The director manages all the resources and what not: cast, crew, caterers, has to make all the decisions, staying up all hours of the night until principal photography is complete, then editing begins. The producer's job is to tell the director to go faster, and don't make it suck. Simplicity itself. So what doesn't suck these days? Well, back in 1995, fighting poverty didn't suck. These days, it's apparently still time to revel in who's already got money. Hence, we get Farrell's production called "Millionaire Matchmaker." I guess there always was the bubble of the rich, but now more than ever it's fun. And sure, matchmaking can work for the rich as well as the poor. Take Otto During trying to woo Carrie Mathieson at the end of Season 5 of... sorry, spoiler alert. Now, some might find dating a covert CIA operative to be too much of a bad thrill ride: the irregular hours, the faking of deaths and what not, but Otto During? A guy like that could use a little excitement. He's seen too much bad stuff in the world, and could always use a better grade of intelligence, even if it's just ad hoc, like the average bits of intelligence gathered by the mainstream media. Anyway, sorry, poor people. You're either just going to have to stay poor, or maybe try to get yourself into that category of "extreme" poverty that the charitable organizations only care about now. Maybe try ranting and raving and walking into heavy traffic, stuff like that. But I gotta warn you! Maslow's not going to help you out, you see. As his Wikipedia page says, "the study of crippled, stunted, immature, and unhealthy specimens can yield only a cripple psychology and a cripple philosophy." Basically, what he's saying is, when you play with cripples, you start to limp... forgive me, "if" you play with cripples.

Sorry, folks, but clearly I've let you all down again. I coulda sworn that Hidden Figures, the #1 non-Star Wars-related movie this weekend at the box office, was going to be an HBO exclusive. I swore I saw it pop up as the alpha television watcher was browsing past icons on our new HDTV. But I finally caught the tail end of the publicity campaign: Kevin Costner and his chin-do on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Charlie Rose giving it a shout out and what not, what have you... actually, that was the extent of it. I haven't caught up on all the new Daily Shows this week, but someone was probably on there pushing... promoting it. Anyway, maybe I'm going out on a limb here, but... second Oscar for Octavia Spencer? Is that asking so much? Just think of her as the black Hilary Swank or something. Every five years, a new Oscar. I think it's only fair. That way, I don't have to change my blog post. Just think of it as finally getting her due for "Halfway Home." It was on Comedy Central!
The only other debut this week is the latest installment of the Underworld franchise... so somebody's happy about that. Debuting at #4, it's guaranteed future work for Kate Beckinsale, even though she kinda prefers the small, more prestigious projects she does in between the sequels. Ain't it always the way then? And I just want to give a brief shout out to Why Him? because it made one of the Top 10 Worst lists. It may still be quickly forgotten as a footnote in the careers of everyone involved, but for now they've got the critical anti-acclaim someone desperately was seeking. Drinks on me.

Sunday, January 01, 2017

The Man with Two Brains - Is NO ONE going to stand up for Steve Martin? Paul Simon? Martin Short? David Letterman? Anyone? Clearly it's up to me AGAIN. Big surprise. Well, I will say that Steve clearly wussed out by deleting his Twitter post. He obviously needs to take a page from our next, and possibly last, Commander in Chief, who got five Vietnam deferments AND a Purple Heart. Never give anything back. Ever. First and second rule in Business Club. In fact, so inspired was I by the Ruthless Orange one, I was inspired to start acting a little presidential myself! I started by trying to walk into a few ladies' dressing rooms and saying "Oh, excuse me! I thought this was the broom closet." Priceless. Oldest play in the book. Anyway, see you all in about six to eight months when I get out.

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Batman Forever - Will NO ONE stand up for Batman 3? Michael Keaton had a gut feeling that it wouldn't be good, as we all recently found out... and on top of that, he impugns Joel Schumacher's directing abilities... boy, that's a tough one. On the one hand, Falling Down and 8MM are probably Shoe's best works, even though 8MM is about as gritty as it gets. On the other, he did discover Colin Farrell. How to defend Joel Schumacher? I mean, Batman Forever has a few good moments. The ending's pretty good, and one of my viewing companions liked the part where Robin's circus family members experience the tragedy that sends Robin under Batman's wing, so to speak... but sure, I'll admit it, the film doesn't live up to the title. Batman Forever? Really? More like Batman 1995...

Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo - Rob Schneider is a Twitter anti-star again! This time he's lecturing John Lewis about Martin Luther King, and... well, rather than suggest that Mr. Schneider might consider moving to Europe, at least 'til all this blows over (he likes Paris better anyway and all, but what's the deal with girls and their hairy armpits over there? Ick!), let's just say Mr. Schneider should at least talk to his career guidance counselor some more.

The Founder - Something depressing about this movie. Maybe a nice Happy Meal with The Founder action figures will make me feel better about life in general, and this movie in particular.

The Lord of the Rings - Now, I love the series as much as the next guy, and maybe girl, but... fifteen discs? They had an expensive package down at my local Best Buy that contained FIFTEEN DISCS dedicated to the uncut versions of the film on Blu-Ray. I don't remember it being that long!

Ready Player One - Wait a second... there's a character in this named James Donovan Halliday, and in Bridge of Spies there's a character named James Donovan!!!!! What an incestuous little community of fictional / factual characters

Rings - A reboot of that late 90s Japanese horror movie, though they're apparently loathe to admit it. I notice that "The Big Bang Theory"'s Johnny Galecki is in it. Incidentally, that's how "The Big Bang Theory" similarly operates. First you watch it, then seven days later your soul dies, and you become a brain-eating zombie, doomed to wander the earth, alone and friendless. By then, you'd only wish for a quick death like the rings apparently offers.

"Z: The Beginning of Everything" - First of all, this Jeff Bezos is making a nuisance of himself. Seems like only yesterday when Spielberg was lambasted in the press in 1990 for having four films he was producing that year... how many Amazon Original Series do I have to watch? I DO NOT HAVE THE TIME!But I promise to leave producer's feedback, I really do... and second, 'z' is NOT the beginning of everything, because it comes at the end of the alphabet! Check and mate!

Someone quipped about how creative types try to fight mortality with, or through, their creations... I'm probably not doing the quote justice, but you know what? It's the kind of quote that kinda doesn't deserve justice; at least, not in that way. Same goes with filmmakers, probably. But what does it say about filmmakers who specialize in quote unquote "prison" pictures? Well, they try to fight mortality with fewer sets than the average pic. That always helps. Theoretically brings down the amount of time spent on principal photography. But when you've got a trilogy like Jamaa Fanaka's Penitentiary trilogy, well... these days, two thoughts spring to mind. Number one, they're probably not going to be on sale at Costco any time soon, and two... Steve Antin? Really? Seriously? How did Geffen arrange that casting coup, exactly?

So, maybe because of the holidays, and because it aptly reflected the mood in this household, we watched Scrooged with our new TV and DVD player. Not bad! ...oh, damn. Kinda spoiled the surprise. See, if I were really good, you'd have to guess the significance of the attached photo. Is that you in this crowd of people? That kind of thing. Of course, he also threw in a couple "Free South Africa"s and "Fur is Murder" shots, but that was of course in the Socialist control room.
Anyway, we're still eagerly awaiting the fresh Box Office data. Rogue One: A Star Wars Kinda Christmas is probably still #1, of course.
(Monday) - ...yup, called it. Not a hard call to make, of course. Welp, Gareth Edwards, Hollywood's world is your oyster now. Time to make Monsters 2 maybe? No debuts this week, but Manchester by the Sea floats back into the top 10. Every little bit will help come Oscar time.