Wednesday, 15 May 2013

Vaginas

I reclined on my chair, trying to get as much comfort as possible out of the limited amount of sponge cushioning my back and bum. My boss waxed lyrical about the merits of conscientious objection (something on which our views are very similar, of course), while everyone else in the room listened - some with rapt attention, some with glazed eyes. Every now and again, someone else made a contribution. I didn't speak.I was tired, very tired - a mixture of being a natural insomniac and the pain in the left-hand side of my mouth (I have sustained an injury there... again) resulting in me having had very little sleep recently - and I had to wrestle to keep my eyes open. My boss has a very calming voice, which didn't really help. That and the warmth of the fan heater right next to me. The fluorescent tubes seemed to dim. Words blended into a pleasant hum. Everything seemed to be conspiring to lull me to sleep... which wouldn't have been appropriate in that case. Ironic, really, since some of the time I have to prod co-workers to keep them awake. In one or two cases, clients too.As I struggles to remain both interested and conscious, my brain suddenly whispered to me that there were vaginas in the room. (Yes, I know, shut up, okay?) Of course there are, brain, I whispered back, half the people in this room are female, and why should anyone's vagina interest you anyway? Aren't you meant to be asleep?I'm not interested, particularly, said my brain, I just thought I'd remind you of the existence of vaginas. See you later.And so my brain left me fighting both the urge to fall asleep in my chair and thoughts about vaginas, which was most unhelpful. At which point I started wondering what I wanted to do when I got home - the choices being crawl into bed or have at my girlfriend's vagina. (Incidentally, I went for getting sandwiches as a third option when I actually did get home.) Only after a while did I realise that I appeared to be slumping backwards a bit and people were starting to look at me. Including my boss, as she tripped over my feet a couple of times.I pulled myself up and sat bolt upright, hoping to maintain the illusion that I was still entirely in the zone. Which, of course, I was, because I am diligent and hard-working. But not quite as chatty as usual when I'm sleepy and trying not to think about various things to do with vaginas.And so that's where my weird thoughts took me today.Now to sleep.