Dust flux, Vostok ice core

Two dimensional phase space reconstruction of dust flux from the Vostok core over the period 186-4 ka using the time derivative method. Dust flux on the x-axis, rate of change is on the y-axis. From Gipp (2001).

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

The wisdom of the grains - updated!

Today's posting may be the most important ever on this site. It may well be my final one if the powers I expose decide to take revenge.

There is a lot of speculation about what lies behind the headlines, but not one in a million can perceive the real forces behind not only the current global political crises, but a good deal of human history as well.

We have a hard time assessing different, even alien, forms of intelligence. We naturally believe that we are in control of our own destinies, and resist the notion that this may not be true.

We believe, for instance, that we are responsible for cultivating grains. In reality, grains have cultivated us. The grains have a plan--but this plan requires tools and technology. Imagine the difficulties of manipulating tools for a plant. Through millenia of careful thought, the grains have developed a brilliant solution--trained monkeys (that's us).

The effects of grains on the physiology of the human brain have long been noted. The blood sugar rush from eating grains is addictive, providing not only much-desired opiates, but also enlarging our brains and increasing our cognitive powers while also damaging our health. Our grain overlords are not concerned--they are satisfied as long as we develop the technology required to achieve their objectives. It is no different than a body-builder bulking up with steroids--the costs will be borne later (and in this case, by someone else).

Our social and cultural development paralleled the growth in complexity of our brains. Our addiction to the sugar rush from eating grains expanded our need to grow them. Small tribal groups, each cultivating their own strains of grains, became more complex, and either absorbed or destroyed nearby weaker groups, eliminating their strains of grains, and increasing the power and prestige of their own. The consolidation of humanity into larger and larger polities has really been the history of the conquest of much of the natural world by the grains, and the consolidation of power by the few remaining strains.

This amazing theory was developed by Dr. Reinhardt Glutenfrei, a student of Dr. Karl Haushofer, who was among the first developers of geopolitical theory. Glutenfrei's work was a natural extension of Haushofer's and concerned itself with the the clashes between and the amalgamation of human tribes as an analog for the clash of strains of differing grains as they vied for global dominance. Glutenfrei's refinement of geopolitical theory brought the role of grains as a driver of human history into the spotlight for the very first time.

The highpoint of Glutenfrei's career occurred when he was appointed a special advisor to Reichskommissar Erich Koch, during his administration of Reichskommissariat Ukraine during WW2. He supervised aspects of the wheat harvest and began the consolidation of kolkhozes into German communal farms ("Gemeindwirtschaften") and larger state farms, following Rosenberg's "Agrarian New Order".

Ultimately, his theory was not taken seriously, and he never achieved tenure. The pressures of his failed academic career, along with the defeat of Nazi Germany, shook him to the core--though he was not considered a war criminal. Later in life he took to standing in wheat fields, where he was frequently overheard taunting the wheat. "I know what you're planning! You don't fool me!", he would shout, until, unfortunately, he was killed by a harvester. (As for Haushofer, it seems a virtual certainty that his "suicide" was arranged as retribution for his role in supervising Glutenfrei's research).

Applying Glutenfrei's theory to the current geopolitical climate allows us to understand what is really behind the situation in Ukraine. It was never about the West exposing Russian vulnerabilities! At issue is the immense cultivation of buckwheat (kasha) in the Ukraine. It must be liquidated in favour of wheat. What is at issue now is whether it is to be replaced by Russian winter wheat or European durum. Of course, the Ukrainians, Germans, Americans, Crimeans, and Russians all imagine that they are driving the drama. How little they understand!

There is no danger of an apocalyptic clash of civilizations between the rice-eaters and the wheat-eaters (although maize production is up there, maize has a much gentler "live and let live" philosophy). Such a conflict is not in the interest of the grains. The areas suitable for wheat are mostly unsuitable for rice, and vice versa. Conflicts will remain at the margin.

Consequently, I expect to see increasing conflict in South and Central America, where Rice shall vie with Wheat (via their human proxies, of course) to gain ground against Maize. Similar tensions will continue to unfold in Africa. Elsewhere, the conflicts will mainly comprise internecine strife between different strains of wheat, or different strains of rice, as they try to gain ground against one another.

What is their ultimate goal? Nothing less than galactic conquest. They shall use us, through our amped-up brain-power, to develop the technology and the ability to travel throughout the galaxy, allowing them to colonize all available planets. Once they have achieved their objective, I have no doubt we will be cast aside. Perhaps we will all be gripped by a pernicious dementia that will stupefy us to the point we will do nothing but tend to our crops. Perhaps we will be eliminated entirely as a threat. The grains are ruthless, and the subtlety and patience of their genius must not be underestimated.

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Special update! Just out of the blue, I've been offered a job at John Deere! Something about quality control of their harvester blades and conveyer systems!

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There's still snow on the ground, and look what's watching me from the neighbour's yard!

They'll soon have us surrounded.

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Update 2 (October) Yes, I have fled to China, where the Rice has offered sanctuary . . .