Tag: Ben Simmons

Ben Simmons was snubbed, by my estimation, about 10 times (Goran Dragic are you serious????) for the All-Star game this year. That sucks for him, and it also sucks for me, because I have to keep making this dude’s highlights until the end of the year where he’ll finally stop being a rookie. Not like…

The dream of Ben Simmons averaging a triple-double this season is getting further and further away. With every game where he decides to only grab a handful of rebounds, with every game where he doesn’t spam passes to J.J. Redick for free assists, with every game where he continues stubbornly not shooting threes, his chances…

You know what? I should refuse to make Ben Simmons highlight videos unless he gets more assists in the game than he averages for the season. That would have saved me a bunch of time because he averages 7.4 assists per game, yet only had seven in this particular instance. If he’s not going to…

“Dear Mr. Simmons, Consider this letter to be official notification of your continued eligibility to appear on my YouTube channel. The All-Star teams having been revealed, and considering that you appear on neither team, I consider my position to be justified. My legal representation has advised me that your threats of a lawsuit are frivolous…

Tonight was “Australian Heritage Night” at the Wells Fargo Center in Philadelphia, in honor of noted Australian basketball player Ben Simmons who, you guessed it, plays for Philly! It all makes so much sense. I don’t know what they did to celebrate Australian’s unique cultural contributions to the world other than showcase incredibly dangerous venomous…

Q: Would Ben Simmons have recorded a 30/15 game if he had played in the second half of the third quarter and at any point during the fourth quarter? A: It is not our place as humans to predict the future, but all signs point to “yes”. I’m going to go out and say it:…

Ben Simmons’ candidacy for ROY of the Year has taken a hit due to the electrifying play of one Donovan Mitchell. It seemed like such a sure thing early in the year, but I guess that’s why they play the whole season with all its ebbs and flows. Simmons’ lack of a jumper is starting…

Ben Simmons needs to get back to regularly having 10 assist games/triple-doubles if he wants to guarantee his ROTY of the year trophy. As proven last year with the MVP voting, voters are easily swayed by arbitrary statistical accolades. 10-assist games and triple-doubles are simply compelling in a way that averaging a flat 20/3/3 isn’t….

The quality of my life is significantly improved if I get to make a Ben Simmons highlight video but it doesn’t have to contain his assists. It just frees up so much time for me to do other things if Simmons, instead of getting eight or ten or twelve assists, gets a paltry amount like…

I was gonna rag on Ben Simmons for being one assist shy of a trippy-dubby, since that is an indication to me that he doesn’t even care about arbitrary statistical achievements/the base-10 number system, but it turns out that he wasn’t even close to the required ten assists until Dario Saric went nuts in the…