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Bimbo Akintola on Relationships, Marriage, Children

Sometimes you see someone who has decided to make up her own mind on relationship issues, who is happy with where she is and not afraid to tell it. Bimbo Akintola seems to be one of those people. Irrespective of the general consensus that all single women need to find a man ASAP, Bimbo states clearly in the interview below that she is doing OK on her own for now.

Bimbo Akintola, an actress and Nollywood producer, is not ruling out marriage and children, even if they end up not going hand in hand. I wish more women would own their circumstances the same way. Funny, I was exactly at the same mindspace when I found my non-ideal man. Sometimes, love finds you when you least expect it :)

Enjoy Bimbo's interview.Let’s talk a bit more personal. What is your definition of an ideal man?There is no such thing as an ideal man. What you get is a man that you can laugh with and then you build from there. Any woman that’s looking for Mr. Right will die single, old and wrinkled. There is no perfect man. There is no perfect woman. What you have is a work in progress. Each of us is a work in progress.

There have been various versions of your age published in the media. Can you tell us how old you are?No I won’t. But my Mummy said I should be telling people my ‘new age’ so I’m 26. You know all actresses have a ‘new age’, so that is mine (smiles sweetly).

But if I’m to guess your actual age and relate it with societal norms, you must be under some pressure to get married…I don’t care, if I had wanted to marry 15 times over, I would have. But I’m not going to marry for people, I would marry for me. If I ever do, it would be for me, so I don’t think it’s anybody’s business.

How about children? Are you under pressure to have children?I have loads of children.

I mean your biological children?Biological will come soon. But I have loads and loads of children. One of my daughters is in the University; she is finishing this year. I even have children who are married and giving me grandchildren (laughs).

Does it bother you that you see people whom you call your children having their weddings and you haven’t had yours?That’s the bad thing, I never attend weddings. But I attended my sister’s wedding. I’m not a wedding, naming ceremony, burial person. I really don’t understand what I’m doing there. But I’m a birthday person. But no, it doesn’t bother me. I will tell you why. We are all individuals, we are not one clone. We have different paths to take in life. Some of us will marry, some of us won’t. Some of us will have kids, some of us won’t.

So I never judge myself according to other people’s standards. And for me, marriage is such a huge deal and I’m not in a hurry to go there. If you find maybe two of my ex’s, you will find out that I’ve had proposals. But I turned them down because at the end of the day, you are saying “I pick this person above everybody else in the world, till death do us part.” I had better believe that! If I don’t believe it, it’s not going to happen. Look, I will be 70 and single if I don’t believe it.

Does this imply that you never had marriage on your mind with any of the guys you’ve dated?I never dated anybody and thought to myself, “oh, I want to marry this person and stay with this person for the rest of my life.”

Going by religious standards, people say that when you’re dating someone, you should have marriage in view…Opon ti sun (times have changed). Let me tell you the truth. It was back then that they say “Oh! At forty-something, you’re not married. You are no longer on the shelf.” There is no such thing again. People are getting married at forty-eight. My friend’s aunty got married at fifty-six, her first marriage. It’s no more a thing of you are old you can’t marry. It’s when you find the right man. And I’m glad parents are beginning to realise that they shouldn’t put so much pressure on their children. That’s why marriages are collapsing everywhere. By the time everybody has frustrated the girl in the house, she jumps into the first thing to come along, and two months later, she’s back at home. Marriage is over. And that is such a big shame.

You have said that you love kids. Is there a possibility that you might have kids out of wedlock?Of course, there is nothing wrong with having kids out of wedlock. It was before that they will say “bastard”, now it’s normal.

Some people would say having children out of wedlock is a diversion from moral values.Is it? It says in the Bible that God removed a rib from man, Adam, and created his woman. What if your own rib creator has died? Some people die at infancy, some people die in car accident. Are they not somebody’s husband? So who will marry the wife? And some people become priests that don’t marry. If it is in the Bible that each woman is created for a man and some men have died, that means some women’s husbands have gone. So manage your life and be happy. And does that mean such women should not have children?

Let’s even leave that aside. What if you are unlucky and you keep having relationships over and over and you’ve not found the right man. Or it never works out. Would someone tell you that at 45, you shouldn’t have a child? If husband no come, pikin no go come? That will be unfair. That’s two blows to deal one person. Some women out there really want to settle down, but they can’t find a man. So are you going to tell me that for those women, they shouldn’t have children? It’s not possible. You will be wicked to say that.

So much has been said and written about you, some of them are not really nice. How do you handle such scandals?I ignore a lot of things. You can never please everybody. I’ve known that since I was a child and I believe in it totally. So you please yourself first and foremost, because at the end of the day, when we all die, you will stand in front of your Maker and face judgment alone. I always please myself first. It’s not like I don’t care about other people, I do, but I don’t care what people say about me, and that’s the difference.

So tell me then, who is the real Bimbo Akintola?I am a very simple person. I love my Mum to bits, she is the most important person in my life. I have friends who have been my friends for over 20 years. I love cooking, I love singing. I believe in God Almighty. I like being part of younger people’s lives; I like to help because I know that I’m not just here for show, I’m doing something to help somebody else.