Getting laid is easier than getting any decent job. This is probably why contracting a deadly sexual disease, is more common in Africa than starting a successful career. Now I know there are some very clever people in their spectacles, who can explain why this is. I don’t care what they have to say. They’re getting paid to sit around and come up with reasons why this is, I have to sit around and contemplate it too because I live it. Not that I have any sexual diseases, but it is easier for my unemployed ass to get my wick wet than it is for me to gain meaningful employment. With whatever appeal I possess, I can charm my way in to girls’ knickers, but I can’t flirt my way in to a junior position at any agency. Which is basically like saying, “Hi, can I convince you to let my slightly drunk self prod about your sexy bits for an evening until I get bored or pass out, and then never call you, for absolutely no other reason than that I make you laugh occasionally.” works better than, “Please, shaft me by exploiting me and my talents for 2 to 3 years until I’ve paid my dues and you can eventually take me seriously.”

I spent 7 years of my young adult life, after the 12 years of my proper youth going through school, studying with the ultimate illusion that I was making myself more employable. Did it work? Well after 12 months of being in the “real world” I’d have to say, not a fucking titty!

Now I’ve always been slightly unimpressed with the whole “rat race” lifestyle. It is by anyone’s standards an unattractive way of spending one’s healthy years. Struggling to hold on to your job, desperately trying to get ahead of your colleagues for that promotion, without suffering a stress induced heart attack or stroke. Reaching retirement with enough money, health and sanity left so that you can live out your old age in relative comfort. In the meantime having lived for the weekends, and those 2-week holidays that seem just like work because you’re compelled to use your “free” time for stuff you should enjoy doing but just end up tired. What a depressing prospect…

So I swallowed that nasty pill a few years ago and accepted that I’m probably not going to be as lucky as some and never have to work in my life. I took steps to joining that rat race with the most likelihood of success, but now to be suffering through the mental abuse of being turned down repeatedly for jobs I studied to do is starting to seem a bit thick on my part. All the time, money and effort expended getting me through college I could’ve used on far more interesting pursuits. Like developing a crippling drug addiction or travelling around the world. Hell, burning the thousands of Rands I spent on education would have served me better it would seem.

Worst thing is, who to blame? Do I blame those good intentioned folks that insisted I spend my youth preparing for later life that presumably included a long career? This industry, that seems to put up all manner of barriers preventing me from entering it? Those greedy capitalist banks that fucked the world’s economy into a recession so jobs are scarce? The receiver of my applications that only knows me as far as the contents of my CV and portfolio, but sees fit to delete it right there and then? Or have I got this all twisted, and I should just be blaming myself? My effort of trying to look and sound the part just isn’t enough. All I know is there isn’t much more I can do. I’ve already changed my portfolio three times this year, and applied to so many jobs that I’ve literally re-applied to some places as many as 3 times. At least they actually got back to me with a rejection letter, which is more than most places do. I considered that pretty polite.

Along with the frustration of being seemingly inept at securing a permanent paying job, I have to put up with my friends and family who try to point out the lighter side of unemployment. Suggesting I have all the free time in the world to do things they wish they could do. I will categorically declare that the small things in life that employed people value, like sleeping in, or being able pursue hobbies does not make up for the fact that I can’t put petrol in my car that is slowly falling apart in front of my eyes. Kindly keep your delusions of splendid times you’d be having sitting on your ass, to yourself…

Very soon I think I will become so bitter after all this rejection and failure that when a job does eventually come along, statistically it is impossible for me to stay jobless forever, I will probably spit in the potential employers face. I think that will give me more satisfaction than any job will.

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2 Responses to “Getting Your Wick Wet Is Easier Than Starting A Career.”

I have been unemployed for just over a year. I know EXACTLY how you feel! It’s funny, I just got off the phone with an aunt, and she said “well, you are not by yourself. There are so many others that are in your situation.” That statement (among others) upsets me beyond belief! With the holiday season approaching I am bracing myself for the loads of “great” advice family and friends will give. Good luck friend!

Hey, thanks for the comment. The road to hell is paved with good intentions… Unfortunately family and friends do have good, actually the best, intentions when they say that sort of thing, but they mean well. Try to remember that, and it helps it not sting as much… Probably a pin prick in the side as opposed to a dull spoon to the eye. Read through some of your stuff, hope it comes right for you too.