Dumbass Pages

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Getting Shot Shooting Golf

It was either Will Rogers or Mark Twain who said that "Golf is a perfectly good walk through the park spoiled by chasing around a little white ball".

I disagree.

I like golf. A lot. I like the beer cart on the golf course a lot. Well, I used to anyway. I haven't had an alcoholic beverage in over two years, so the beer cart love is out of the question these days. As a matter of fact, golf is out of the question these days. My back is rather fidgety and a round of golf, or even just a couple of holes, would lay me up for a while if I were to get stymied on the links by hitting my mashie astray.

I guess there's always Putt Putt.

Oooohhhhhhh weeeeeelllllll...

I Shot a Round in Reno Just to Almost Die

I have never been to Nevada but I hear that Reno is a great place to visit for a little gambling and golfing action. Even though a bad back prevents me from playing golf, I am still able to gamble with the best of 'em. Cha-ching!

Reno, however, was a lousy choice of golfing destinations for one guy with a bad banana slice.

A Golf Guy had made through 15 holes at LakeRidge Golf Course in Reno when he sliced his tee shot on Number 16 through the window of a house located on the course. This is not uncommon if you live on a Golf Course. Not every golfer hits 'em straight. Especially after several encounters with the beer cart.

The old Golf Ball Through the Living Room Window Trick was too much for the home owner. So he sought Justice. With a shotgun. Home Owner Guy found The Slicer and after a brief verbal altercation was not satisfied with the conclusion of the conversation so he shot the golfer! For you non-golfers, let me assure you that this is a very draconian "out of bounds penalty" at most golf courses. The usual penalty for hitting out of bounds is a stroke or two, not a barrel or two from a 12 gauge Mossberg shotgun.

It is after being blasted by a Dumbass with a 12 gauge that the beer cart comes in real handy.

I'm just sayin'.

Here Come the Cops

Of course the cops were called and even though my source story doesn't mention it, I would venture a guess that Home Owner Guy was arrested for, at the very least, assault with a deadly weapon, maybe even attempted murder.

Here's to hoping that The Slicer is fully recovered from his wounds (which were not serious, btw) and Home Owner Guy is getting "stymied" and "mashied" at every available opportunity in the Nevada State Pen, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

That would be the perfect ending to a perfectly good walk through the park ruined by chasing around a little white ball.

A shotgun blast to the face doesn't make the walk through the park any better I'm sure.