Lila passed the twelve week mark on Saturday and I finally feel like the Mayer household is settling into some semblance of order. This is important to me because I am a creature of habit and I've heard that it's crucial to get kids on a strict routine to give them a sense of stability so a schedule has been my top priority for the past few weeks.

I think we've finally found something that works.

8:00am - Realize that the past hour of screaming in my nightmare was actually real and get out of bed regretting the bottle of wine I drank last night. Vow never to do it again.8:05am - Open bottle of wine8:30am - Feed baby, praying wine which seeped into breast milk will only do minimal mental damage9:00am - Weigh self at gym, cry9:05am - Run on treadmill long enough to mentally formulate a plan to develop an eating disorder to get down to pre-baby weight9:10am - Grab defibrillator machine off wall and use on self12:00pm - Take temporary hiatus from starving self to eat leftover chicken strips off Ellie's high chair tray. And by leftover strips on tray I mean grab strip out of her hand and quickly stuff into mouth.12:15pm - Fix Lean Cuisine12:16pm - Finish Lean Cuisine12:17pm - Fix second Lean Cuisine12:18pm - Finish second Lean Cuisine12:19pm - Call Lean Cuisine headquarters to complain about how calling such a scant amount of food a meal might lead to a 34-year-old woman driving down to the 7-11 with a hand gun, two kids in the backseat and sketchy plan for escape12:25pm - Decide to delay plan for starvation until tomorrow and drive to Taco Bell for real lunch12:30pm - Drink Diet Coke to cancel out Taco Bell Grande Burrito1:00pm - Think about cleaning1:05pm - Decide against cleaning and watch Ellen 2:00pm - Rifle through refrigerator looking for scraps2:03pm - Eat jar of peanut butter and six slices of cheese2:05pm - Press nose against window in remote chance Nick will be home early3:30pm - Remove nose from window in disappointment3:31pm - Throw toy into playroom at children, tell them they're boring3:45pm - Drive to Target to buy something to make myself feel better about my life3:46pm - Pull through Wendy's drive through for shopping snack3:47pm - Finish fries before pulling away from window 3:48pm - Pull through Wendy's drive through and tell them they forgot fries on previous order5:00pm - Think about fixing dinner5:01pm - Decide against fixing dinner and watch Say Yes to the Dress 6:01pm - Call Nick and tell him to bring home some dinner6:30pm - Hear garage door open and throw kids at Nick. Complain about how hard my day was while opening second bottle of wine.