Five self-help books that actually helped

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There’s something about self-help that is fundamentally uncool. Being into coin-collecting or Dungeons & Dragons is an order of magnitude more socially acceptable than having titles like “How to Get People to Like You” and “You Can Be Happy No Matter What!” staring out from your bookshelf.

Somehow it isn’t yet obvious that a persistent interest in self-improvement is probably the defining trait of the interesting and accomplished person. Self-help literature, though, is a particular kind of self-improvement. Turning to self-help is admitting you don’t quite know how to drive a regular human life. It’s like designating yourself with a voluntary “special needs” status.

I don’t think the need for some intentional re-balancing is special though. None of us are born knowing how to drive. It’s probably not unusual to feel like you’ve never been taught quite how to steer a human life competently, but it may be unusual to admit.

I think what makes us most suspicious of self-help is that we’ve all seen people who are constantly absorbing it and not changing a thing. There are self-help junkies out there — people who get high on the feeling that their life is improving simply by reading the book, yet never actually address their habits in everyday life. They get high on the feeling of possibility, and when the feeling fades they buy another.

Their mistake is simple: they’re missing the “self” part of self-help. Insights by themselves are useless without action, which is what changes lives. But you can get the self-help high just by reading, and that high is enough to make you feel (for the moment) that nothing needs fixing.

The self-help junkie habit is obvious and ugly to everyone else, and so the whole genre is reviled for its empty promises, rather than the reader for his total lack of responsibility. Consequently, self-help remains so uncool that even hipsters won’t touch it.

Another reason these books are uncool is that most of them are crap. They tend to be written by psychologists who know a lot about what’s wrong with the reader but don’t have much in the way of charisma or writing chops, which makes the reading experience dry and kind of embarrassing. Their examples are cheesy and long-winded. Aside from being boring and clinical, they’re often just dorks.

There are gems though. Some of them, for me, were pivotal in developing in me a much freer and lighter way of moving through the world. Incorporating the bits that moved me and ignoring the rest, they helped me form a worldview that actually suits the world the way it is, and lets me live in it in a way where joy is normal and angst is the exception. So they should be read without shame.

I was nearing my own rock bottom around ten years ago when a family member lent me this book. I was struggling in college. I had no self-esteem, a small and shrinking circle of friends, and couldn’t imagine how things could get better. I read it in a couple of bus commutes, and I could feel things lightening.

The whole book is 100 short strategies for dealing with day-to-day stresses and downers. Each one is about a page.

#22: Repeat to yourself, “Life isn’t an emergency.” #4: Be aware of the snowball effect of your thinking. #40: When in doubt about whose turn it is to take out the trash, go ahead and take it out. #76: Get comfortable not knowing.

It was my first exposure to the incredible leverage a person has by learning how to let life happen and respond calmly, rather than trying desperately to control what happens.

Since then I’ve noticed that that’s the basic difference between happy people and sad people: the happy people concern themselves with what they can do on their end. Sad people concern themselves with everything else.

Jon Kabat-Zinn is a stress management expert who has found that the most powerful tool for dealing with daily stress is mindfulness.

Wherever You Go There You Are amounts to an elegant introduction to informal meditation, but a person could get a lot out of it even if they have no intention of ever sitting cross-legged with closed eyes. You can feel your mind slowing down as you read the rough-cut recycled pages, its short passages intercut with Kabir and Rumi verses. Kabat-Zinn keeps it non-denominational and fluff-free.

If you spend a decade reading different people’s accounts of how to be happy, you discover that almost all of them can be boiled down to a few principles, and the primary one by far is to keep your attention in the present moment. That’s what mindfulness is. It is an art, and there may not be a gentler and more readable introduction to it than this book.

If you do check it out, and you like the tree he’s barking up, his later (and much larger) book Coming To Our Senses takes an even deeper look at mindfulness in real life.

In The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz characterizes personal beliefs as agreements, which is right on the mark; nothing is true to you unless you agree that it is. If, in your eyes, you’re no good, you have agreed at some point that you are no good. You will live this truth until you stop agreeing. We typically don’t realize we’re constantly making these agreements, yet they define your personal world, which is the only world you’ll ever live in.

Ruiz advocates identifying and challenging all the agreements you’ve accumulated, and toss them out in favor of agreeing to four commitments:

Be impeccable with your word, don’t take anything personally, don’t make assumptions, and always do your best.

If you make those agreements it’s almost impossible to let yourself down, feel guilt or give in to fear. They short-circuit virtually all self-defeating human behaviors.

These days, rather than trying to be perfect each day with each agreement, I work the agreements backwards when things seem to be going wrong. Any time I feel stuck, it takes about five seconds to identify which of the four agreements I broke to get there. Either I’ve been untruthful in some way, I’m making assumptions, I’m taking something personally, or I’m cutting corners. I don’t know if I’ve ever gotten myself into trouble in any way other than those.

Oprah made him simultaneously popular and uncool in most demographics when she did a whole webseries on A New Earth, the follow-up to The Power of Now. He was attacked by the religious housewife contingent of Oprah’s audience for his “false religion” — which is all nonsense if you read A New Earth or its predecessor — they’re both nonreligious and straightforward. And he’s an extremely nice man.

The Power of Now is an exceptional book. It’s easy to recognize the primacy of living in the moment as an ingredient to happiness, and Eckhart Tolle is by no means the first to focus on it. But he goes further by articulating that it is not only the only path to happiness, but the entirety of the path — there’s nothing else you need to do, because all of our suffering comes from living in thoughts about a badly-remembered past or an imaginary future.

The concept is ancient, and Tolle credits the ancients for it, but he’s one of the first to deliver it in plain language with no religious coloring or mythological allegories. He just tells you how to do it.

If you still can’t get over your self-help gag reflex, then this is the one for you. Augusten Borroughs set out to write a self-helpful book derides certain self-help standards — particularly the catch-all prescription of positive thinking to everyone, when many help-seekers are people who are experiencing extreme suffering and suicidal thoughts.

A lot of self-help is rather generalized, for people who feel troubled but not quite maimed by serious instances of loss or abuse. Burroughs has had a difficult life, which he shares candidly in This is How, addressing his fellow sufferers of the worst baggage imaginable. The subtitle of the book is Help for the self: proven aid in overcoming shyness, grief, molestation, disease, fatness, lushery, spinsterhood, decrepitude and more, for young and old alike.

He really digs into the ugliness of personal suffering and tells you how to deal. Some of the chapter titles give a clue: How to Feel Like Shit, How to Be Fat, How to Get Over Your Addiction to the Past, How to End Your Life, How to Lose Someone You Love, How to Let a Child Die.

The tone is very different from traditional self-help. There’s no smileyness or pandering. Burroughs is blunt and a bit foul-mouthed, and tells you what’s going to work and what isn’t, if you really do want to get better. The result is refreshing. You feel like you’re being slapped and told how it is, rather than being hugged and told to think happy thoughts.

***

The way self-help works is by the adding up of poignant bits over time. Reading a great book like one of these can give you the feeling of breaking through in real-time, and it may even leave you different forever. But there are no cures — the rest of your life will always remain ahead of you, so it’s a matter of becoming better equipped to manage it.

Your natural skepticism and fluff-detector will dismiss a lot of what you read, and this is good, but certain aphorisms and skills will stick. Once in a while one will appear in your mind at exactly the right time, and you feel yourself doing something differently. And now a window is open where you didn’t know there was one. Your world has gotten a bit bigger, and a bit lighter.

There is a great little book by Andrew Boyd called Daily Afflictions. As opposed to affirmations, his book cuts through the hokeyness of other self-help and tells you the way things are. I found this title indispensable during a low point and have shared it with fellow seekers of answers to the difficulties we all get served.

Thanks for these suggestions, I am reading A New Earth now and it is excellent.

There seems to be a sort of anti-self-help genre popping up, and the Augusten Burroughs book is one of them. I think it’s long overdue — the idea of self-improvement appeals to everyone, but the traditional hokey style it’s presented in is unpalatable to a lot of people.

I’ve read “The Four Agreements” twice at different moments of my life, and it is true that it is eye opening, if you’re ready to open your eyes. Have you read the next book from the same author and his son?

I think it is called “the Fifth Agreement”, and they both go into more details about the four agreements, and introduce the power of doubt. But not doubt in a negative way, doubt as in avoid being *certain* of anything. When you take the time to take it in, it really changes perspective on most life events.

Admittedly, I am a self-help book queen. My bookshelves are filled with pages of insight from some of the best, including Ruiz and Tolle. I have always been searching for purpose and meaning. Finally, at nearly age 50, I have come to recognize that the person who so desired to be healed has found her purpose. I have been called to help others heal themselves as a health coach. Throughout the journey I was greatly inspired by Gregg Levoy’s “Callings.”

In conjunction with reading Jon Kabat-Zinn on mindfulness, I’d also recommend Mattieu Ricard, in particular his book “Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life’s Most Important Skill.” It’s an impressive synthesis of ancient Buddhist traditions with the most contemporary scientific research. Ricard himself has been the subject of neuroscientific studies that empirically show the benefits of mindfulness meditation on maintaining balance in one’s brain.

I think mindfulness is the key to untapping humanity’s potential, more than anything else is. It’s just so powerful. I’ll check it out if I come across it. For people not turned off by Buddhism, Buddhism Without Beliefs by Stephen Batchelor is terrific.

We are kindred spirits. I’ve read nearly all of your selections – and yes I do wake up early every morning to meditate. I discovered Raptitude while in my first month on a vegan diet. I’m still not eating animal products and appreciate all you have written about it including giving up your V card. I read The Power of Now about 8 years ago over a weekend and literally woke up. It is incredibly powerful. Since then I’ve encountered essentially the same message in many other places, wrapped in different packaging. This information must come in to a person’s awareness when they are ready for it, wrapped in a package they will recognize. Like Oprah says, “Truth recognizes truth”. I gave that book away about a dozen times and I would guess that about 2 people “got it”. One I remember sending me a quick text that said “the Power of now – holy shit!”

So interesting that Augusten Burroughs made the list. I thought I had read all of his work. I adore that man! Have you read “Running with Scissors”? His life, his stories, his writing, his brutal honesty, his humility…I just love him.

Keep up the great work! I love looking for your email updates on Monday mornings.

Excellent list. I struggled with The Power of Now but really loved The New Earth. Augusten Burroughs ‘Dry’ is one of my favorite books ever. If you like him and haven’t read it you might want to check it out.

Nice work. I don’t know the other books, but the Power of Now would definitely be on my top five list – and probably the first. It’s so powerful, and so revolutionary. Even if it is a rehashing of ancient principles, you’ve got to give him credit for making something that would reach you so easily. Also, I think he teaches just with his presence or energy: especially watching him talk, it’s hard not to get drawn into that state.

I won’t list my top five but one book that came instantly to mind was “Johnathan Livingstone Seagull”. It’s fiction, and as such actually bypassed my new-age filter at the time when I wouldn’t normally read such stuff. But with the story it symbolizes so perfectly the journey of a person from conformity to creating themselves consciously and powerfully. It inspired me and made me think I might not be alone in thinking the world was crazy.

You continue to bring great content every week man. This is one of the few blogs I genuinely get excited to read.

Out of these books, I have only read “The Power Of Now,” but will be adding the other ones to my list. “Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff” looks really good. I often struggle with those anxiety-filled moments of day to day life. It’s something I’m consciously working on and a book like that sounds like it would be very beneficial.

Another great book is “Man’s Search For Meaning” written by a psychologist who survived the Holocaust. Have you read it?

“A Million Miles in a Thousand Years” by Donald Miller is simply beautiful. Yes, he’s a Christian writer – but he’s also a liberal Christian writer, and has a different stance than most in the genre. The book is basically an encouragement to do more with your life than what is expected/typical. “Love Does” by Bob Goff is also beautiful – and is the idea that the more you give yourself away and love others, and are sacrificial in your love and time the happier you will be. Not to mention Bob has led just an incredible life (encouraged his kids to send letters to world leaders – got responses from said leaders – went all around the world meeting them and in the process became an ambassador). Both great books, very encouraging – but also – the idea that happiness, true happiness, really isn’t about ‘self’ at all.

Hi David, I’ve read 3 of these books and agree, especially the Eckhart Tolle, which I keep at my bedside, and often open a random page to read before attempting to relax into sleep. It helps to still the mind. But I have to suggest to you one of the best books out there, that explains precisely and scientifically the workings of the mind (without being dull), which is Joe Dispenza’s “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself.” It kicks you up a level in understanding that has helped me be more mindful about how my thoughts are bringing my life to life! Check it out!

Great article. I am a recovering self help junkie. The mind is so quick to turn truths into concepts and keep them tucked away as mental constructs. It has to be embodied and owned. It’s the difference between knowledge and wisdom. It was Byron Katie and Adyashanti who broke that spell. Adya’s latest is short, to the point and free to download. http://www.adyashanti.org/wayofliberation/
You would likely enjoy Jed McKenna’s ‘Spritually Incorrect Enlightenment’

I have a ton of unread books sitting on the shelves. I’ve decided I won’t buy any new books this year.

My happiness level has gone up dramatically though since I started reading this material. The real cause is habit-changing, not book-reading, but I guess the idea is that the latter encourages the former.

I had a couple of books like that a long time ago. Then, I latched onto those, “Think & Grow Rich” books, even one titled that. Haven’t gotten rich yet though. I liked how inspirational they were, that I could be rich someday.

Out of the five books, I’ve read one – The Power of Now. I’ve heard of The Four Agreements and it’s on my list of books to read. I agree with you when you said to learn and not act is useless. That was my case, I understood the theory but I was not doing the practice. It was when I did the practice, i.e. applied the theory to my day to day life that I really felt like I was on the right track in terms of my self help.

I also sense the other side of the self help industry which reminds me of the weight loss industry. The theory is sold and repeated but the actual info on practice are held back because it’s simple but requires a lot of work. For my personal journey I keep in mind that the Buddha would give his teaching and leave it to his student to do what they wish with it. I will continue to read and learn but I will pick and choose what I will use in my lif.

I think there is a parallel with the weight-loss industry, but it’s not nearly as insidious. The issue with the weight-loss industry is that the selling point of any new equipment or program is that this New Thing finally makes it easy to lose weight. But lasting weight change always amounts to a dramatic lifestyle change, and that’s just not what they’re selling. Self-help tends to be more earnest, but there is a lot of “me-too” fluff out there, and none of it works without personal initiative, no matter what book is serving as the inspiration or instruction.

I discovered this blog a couple weeks ago and it’s really great! I’ve only read Tolle’s book which was truly, truly special. Personally I found some of the data in Scientology helpful in recognising what is going in in myself and others and much of it has stayed with me, (I wouldn’t go anywhere near the church however!). As you say, being present seems to be the key.

If you really want a great book to read that I would consider self help is the 7 habits of highly effective peope by Stephen Covey. Its practical, not full of mumbo jumbo and can be applied immediately in your life. I own at least a couple of the books you listed and although they were ineresting reads at least for me were full of metaphysical jargon that while feels good does not truly bring any real world practical value to ones life. 7 Habits however, is the number 1 selling Business book out there. Even though its sold as a business book there is no area of ones life that this book won’t help a person with.

I have read the 7 Habits and I still have “Be proactive” and “Use your R and I” in my head years later, and have gotten a lot of mileage out of them. The book was kind of dry though, and ended up getting the audiobook on sale, which is also dry. But the ideas are indispensable. It’s famous for a reason.

thanks for the list. Interesting you say that self-help isn’t cool, it’s true, although I think it should be cool and I believe it is getting cooler. It seems to be more acceptable nowadays to read self-help, and even this blog is kind of about personal development isn’t it?
Self-help isn’t cool I guess, as you say because people don’t like admitting that they are not perfect, but there should be nothing wrong with that.
How many people go through life not fulfilling their potential or being utterly miserable, but they won’t read self-help, because it’s cheesy and uncool, but sometimes a simple lesson could change their lives?
I am a self-help junkie (could you tell? :-) and frustratingly as you say there have been many times where I have read a book and can’t for the life of me remember what was in it, and you do get a self-help high just from reading it.
But, although most things from these books have been forgotten, some key ones have stayed.
Power of Now was definitely one of them and also the power of positive thinking (from many books combined), and also a book on meditation.
Even if some self-help books are read and then forgotten and not implemented, I would still see them as ‘cooler’ than watching rubbish TV, playing video games or reading novels with no meaning in them just for entertainment. At least self-help gives you a momentary positive high at the least and possibly a lasting change at best.
For me the lure of self-help is the constant hope that perhaps I’ll learn something new to improve my life even further.
But for me the books that had a most lasting impact on me, didn’t necessarily tell me something I hadn’t heard before, but somehow made me understand, making it really hit home, so I finally implemented it. It’s not always what’s written in the book itself but the mental process it sparks off in your mind when you start thinking about it and perhaps come to some positive conclusion/realisations on your own.
We need to make self-help cool!

>Even if some self-help books are read and then forgotten and not implemented, I would still see them as ‘cooler’ than watching rubbish TV, playing video games or reading novels with no meaning in them just for entertainment.

I totally agree. The uncool thing is often the harder and more rewarding thing. The high-hanging fruit.

Freshly minted insights pour from every page in this one:-
Notes to Myself – by Hugh Prather.

Way before blogs, this was written in the seventies. Just someone being incredibly mindful and truthful; it’s a little book that you want to drop in peoples lap from time to time. It doesn’t feel like self-help; it feels like a friend. It does help though!

I think that often people that devote themselves to “self-help” tend to base their wisdom off of their personal anecdotes and ultimately miss the greater observation about humanity and what they say seems to lack charisma because it doesn’t appeal to a broad set of circumstances.

I find that they usually say things that don’t help with nuances outside of their social class (or any aspect that defines what particular sect of life they experience). They fail to identify what parts of the “math” adding up to their conclusions were circumstantial or a result of specific sets of personal preferences and guidelines–things that can only come from a background similar to their own!

I think, personally, that people don’t change partly because of their own dysfunction, but also because the guru’s wisdom is over-simplified or convoluted and it reinforces the readers’ sense of direction-toward-change as a short, temporary “solution” devoid of much real insight or perspective. It just doesn’t apply to the rest of their lives.

As for the self-help guys being “psychologist” types, they only fit that description in the manner they use to reconcile issues–they over-simplify problems into “diagnoses” instead of looking at each separate facet individually and determining the immediate cause & effect occurring. Psychologists tend to parse the world into cookie-cutter diagnoses and so we have “psychologist-types.”

YEA It Calls Me Onanon
You hit the tack on the head. Most self help books seem to be written by authors that are so called philosophers who want to pump up their ego and make money.And they do it by telling thier heroic stories about how they succeeded in overcoming thier problems by overecoming these fancied troubles.
There is one that comes to mind about an author who writes that he suddenly became enlightened when waking up with a hangover and seeing the light, then going on a flashback trip of some kind that had him sittiing on park benches and losing all responsibility for years. then coming out of it and making a good life by telling other people about his experience.
GET the behind me Saten

Perhaps you could call them inspirational books, not self help books!
Mine just “came along” at the right time, looking back!
Some that I still dip into years later:
Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach
‘The Artist’s Way’ & ‘Vein of Gold’ by Julia Cameron
Universal Heart by Stephanie Dowrick
The Alchemist by Paul Coelho
and the Four Agreements too

Interesting concept a self-help book. Almost an oxymoron if taken literally. You can help someone, but can you help yourself without an external reference point? You have to be shown or taught new ideas or skills. Once you gain these you’re not “self helping”, instead aren’t you simply taking on the ideas and concepts of another, being guided by their reference points, morals, mores and prejudices.

There is so much out there….I’ve read a lot of them, depending on what stage of my life I was in. A lot of them are plain money-makers for the authors, many are very useful, some are delusional and unrealistic. I started reading The Power of Now, but couldn’t get into it THEN… a good one that I read recently was “Reverse” by Ondrej Zouhar and Anze Mofor. A good across the board view of principles for leading balanced life. I’ve given it as a present to a lot of my friends who are either new to the whole concept of balanced living or are in the “I’m so confused with my life” stage. Definitely recommended!

i’ve stayed away from self-help genre, religious or not.
This article lists all the reasons quite precisely, then brilliantly gives 5 examples i am going to add to my collective.
“Insights by themselves are useless without action, which is what changes lives.”
i have had a pastor recommend the Ruiz book..
thanks for this article

Thanks for the article. Someone shared it with me. I read many self help books, and ultimately started doing Holosync meditation which really helped me to do the things that the self help teachers were advocating. Byron Katie was a big influence and Tolle, and I think it is an industry that has a far greater impact than it is given credit. I have to mention Abraham-Hicks as well who has taught me the best strategies for keeping my mind on track.

Very nice article, I enjoyed part about reading, but still not putting action into own life.
I published book Reverse and I like to always tell people that this book will show you how to improve life, but will not do it for them without their active pursuit. I call it “mental masturbation” when folks go to seminars, church and read books, but they still feel like victims without practicing what they learned in their life.
Again, thank you David for sharing your ideas and books that helped you I enjoyed your article very much.
With love Ondrej Zouhar

Hello David, loved your list (and LOVE Raptitude..) It’s funny what we consider ‘self-help’ means to us personally.. I’ve read some of the books on your list but one that really knocked my socks off was ‘The Disappearance of the Universe’ by Gary Renard. Over 5 years ago I ordered a book from Amazon and received this one (uhh, by accident?..) from the bookseller..
I’m glad I did. I hope you get curious enough to read it some day.. Hugs.
Fabi

It’s funny, I’ve never considered myself a self-help book type of person, and strictly speaking, if you browse my bookshelf, I still haven’t forayed into that genre. If you read between the lines though, possessing books written by Michael Pollan and the book I’m reading now about sugar and obesity by Dr. Robert Lustig suggest that I am surreptitiously dipping my toes into the category. I used to be a sugar addict, like most people we know. I needed help. I was inspired by a blog and then went and bought books that would help me recalibrate my eating patterns and palate. I wasn’t overweight, but knew that my addiction was detrimental to my health and could eventually lead to my ballooning in size, so I sought help, albeit not as obviously as if I had bought a self-help book for food addicts. I chose to educate myself in order to change my habits. It’s less of a spoon-fed help approach, I guess. Pardon my crappy pun.

To be honest, I find for any other moment of helplessness (admittedly, like you, I have little to legitimately complain about) that blogs are the best way for me to assimilate my problem with others’. If I can find a blog where someone has coherently written up their experiences in similarly turbulent times, then this will most likely provide the insight I need. The comments often prove to be invaluable too. It’s all just more human and I think we crave the reassurance that we’re not alone in the matter we’re facing – books achieve that to an extent, but artificially so, using statistics as opposed to real voices.

Dear God you are about to get(or are already buried in) a tsunami of titles. Please consider my contribution to that project: The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. Please believe me when I tell you that I am uniquely qualified to give you this suggestion because: A) I own a massive library of self help circa 1980’s to present. B) I have changed. Exhibit A) I was mildly agorophobic and never learned to drive (one of your examples) and I changed enough to just having bought my first car ever. Exhibit B) Starting with your 88 things, Your blog has been my most helpful online source for self help(hahaha!) which has yielded tangible measurable results in many areas of my life, and I usually don’t heed the advice of whipper snappers who happen to be a couple of decades younger than me. :)

I second that vote. I’ve also read a lot of the books mentioned here but there is something about The Untethered Soul that resonated with me. Almost like sitting down with a wise, down-to-earth and yet enlightened friend.

Hi
What did people do before the self-help book boom? Decades ago, centuries ago? I think that is a key question to put things into perspective. They used stories, lore and art and wise sayings of old to keep them and their loved ones in a good mental place. But it wasn’t a relentless and insatiable gorging, it was the backbone of a cultural form which reminded people on a daily basis the fundamental truths (can I dare say that in this day and age?!) of human existence. It doesn’t take a thousand words; a one liner from granny would do. Nor a thesis on why it’s better to think one way over another, an example from Aesop would do (although I’d be quite happy with Tolstoy). Nor a 12 step plan with optional support group; a couple of choices and family support or outcasting depending on which choice was taken. Religion may be blamed for messing up many a mind but it too had and has a role to play in terms of guidance and faith and the direction and nature of one’s thoughts. That direction has been towards selfishness rather than selflessness and we have more time and resources to indulge in thinking about our selves and how to better our selves. The intention may be good but our focus has been on us rather than others and this is the crucial point; we humans have always been part of something bigger than ourselves but now our selves have got bigger and everything else is a part of us.

I think the best self help guru out there is Cesar Milan. People think they are learning to train their dog but are learning to change their behaviour (to calm and assertive) so that the dog behaves. Its the best kind of self help, and it includes the constant feedback from an unconditional loving friend. Every day a dog (and his owner) need:
Exercise – walking a dog at least one hour every day, and in the correct way.
Discipline – giving a dog rules, boundaries, and limitations in a nonabusive manner.
Affection – a reward we give to our dogs and to ourselves, but only after the dog has achieved calm submission in our “pack”.

“Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience” by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi is one of the better self-help books I’ve come across. It deals with the science of happiness based on extensive research. Amazon has 80+ reviews. You can learn more there.

“Somehow it isn’t yet obvious that a persistent interest in self-improvement is probably the defining trait of the interesting and accomplished person.” REALLY resonated with that. I find it so ridiculous that there is a section of the bookstore and genre of literature titled Self Help. again, ~Somehow~ growing is not a hobby for most. I like to say, if it isn’t growing in someway it’s probably dead.
Anyway, really enjoyed this, and on this topic, Wayne Dyer’s Your Sacred Self was awesome. I like to describe it as an outline of Ego-based behavior and Higher-self behavior. Makes the key step of changing habits easier in my opinion because he details all the little ways our Ego has us acting on a day to day basis.
thank you!

Great article. I have to agree that there are a lot of crap self-help books around, however there are also some really great ones too. I recently stumbled across a life changing book for me, Bill Sims, Jr.’s latest book, “Green Beans & Ice Cream.” I was having problems with my teenager and what Bill’s book taught me was to implement more positive reinforcement into our relationship, and taught me how to do it. I guess my point is that people shouldn’t shoot all self-help books down. You never know when one will change your life. Oh, and Terry, I completely agree with you… I love Ceasar Milan as well. He too has made a world of difference in our home.

One way to avoid the embarrassment of displaying self-help books is to buy (and read) philosophical classics. This tactic has its own unfortunate baggage, such as pretentiousness, but classic philosophy is much more practical and self-help-oriented than its modern academic counterpart. These suggestions are from the ancient Stoics:
1. The Enchiridion (The Handbook), by Epictetus
2. Letters to a Stoic, by Seneca
3. Meditations, by Marcus Aurelius

If you are looking for lasting self-help it’s quite useful to get at the core operating system of the human bio-computer. Foundational self-help concepts (missing in books you described) are explained here for novice to expert.

I came across a great workbook, Thinking Anew: Harnessing the Power of Belief by Richard Quis. It was awesome, a really great practice in writing and self help. Can really be applied to whatever life situation you’re in. helpthinkinganew.com if anyone wants to take a look. I have a list just from these comments I need to go look at! Thanks!

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Hi David,
I'm a big fan of your writing! Like you, I am heavily interested in practicing and studying mindfulness meditation. Your post here is yet another benefit of the practice that I have noticed relatively recently. As you mention, "feeling the burn" applies to all facets of life; physical...

oh my goodness, about an hour ago I was just thinking 'there needs to be a book about how discipline is actually the greatest path to freedom', or words to that effect. :) I shall investigate this one right now!

"In every endeavor that isn’t already easy for you, progress requires you to move into certain uncomfortable feelings with regularity."
I think this is one of the core ideas of deliberate practice. You only improve in a skill if you are uncomfortable while doing it. If it's fun, you are probably...

As a long time jiu-jitsu practitioner, I am very "comfortable with being uncomfortable" and either pushing through hard things or slowing down and embracing them. Psychologically, I can do this as well with projects - personal, academic and career wise.
I can't tell if I'm not trying hard enough or...

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