2.20.2008

30 Days::Day 5

Picking up where we left off...

I really didn't like leaving up such a bleak and bare post for so long. I had a good little break, thinking about things and making some decisions and reassessing my intent in what I do here. I certainly didn't intend to cultivate fear inside anyone who dwelled on my words in the last post. I don't want to be adding to the chaos. I have a quote up on my fridge from the book I am reading. It is a little question that I can play over and over in my mind throughout the day. It comes in especially handy when my emotions are about to drive me into a place of reaction. I call on this:

"Am I going to practice peace, or, am I going to go to war?"

It sheds some light on the situations I encounter...and gives me a small moment to catch my breath, to size up my place in all of it, to remember that our actions are all part of the condition of this planet, and to (hopefully) find center and act from that sacred place of love. Doesn't always work...but the excercise is worth the effort.

All of that to say, I felt like I left you with a bit of war-stained words in that last post. I suppose it was just a reflection of some of the fear inside of me at that moment.

I am at peace. It really was nothing more than a little experience that put a good dose of "what the ????" in my mind. That can be a healthy thing every once in a while. And, although I am going to be making a few small changes here and there...for the most part I am just going to keep on keepin' on. The world, overall, is a good place. All is resolved and I can continue on my little way of sharing and exploring what blogging has to offer. Because, for me, it is more than writing and sharing pictures...it is sharing stories. We all have our own stories. This happens to be mine at the moment and this blog is just one little creative way I can tell my story.

A lot of people around me and loved by me are coming face to face with their fears lately. It brings me into that space as well...where I think about matters that usually are filled up with fear and sadness. I am noticing that there are so many ways to approach it all, and my readings lately reflect this same issue. Several people that I observe and learn from are walking along side their pain...meeting it face to face, almost embracing what they can. There is much to be said about that. It is constantly echoing inside the canyons in my life. I think about it when Asher brings me weeds from outside with such enthusiasm as to how I will receive his "surprise". A shift in perspective turns the unwanted into treasure...weeds into flowers.

I think about it when he asks me for chocolate milk "without the milk" and how it is a constant straining to realize that we can't have pleasure without pain. Not only do they coexist, but they give birth to the other...allowing us to take comfort in the beauty of balance.

I'm searching for a good space to rest with that. I know that there is a lot of suffering by people I care deeply for and for people I don't know. I try to find my place in it...breathing in their sorrow and breathing out healing thoughts and compassionate light. It inevitably brings about a shift in my own heart on how to better turn the weeds in my life into flowers that I can share and enjoy.

God bless Asher!!! With all we have been going through lately he reduced me to tears and laughter at the same moment with his innocent little actions and words. Bringing you a bouquet of weeds as a surprise to see how you would react; and asking you to make him chocolate milk without the milk!! Little does he know that his physical beauty in that picture along with the innocent purity of his words made me cry and laugh at the same time. Again, Asher, God Bless You!!!Love, GG