An early birthday thought…

With my birthday approaching tomorrow, things are seemingly starting to overly fall into place. I have a lot to think about . I’m being torn in so many directions. It’s nice to feel “wanted” from all directions, but im sticking to my guns.

I’ve taken on a second full time job. Ive been blessed with still being able to attend nightly meetings in the process. I have gotten numerous offers to go on “dates, coffee, etc” but I don’t want to. I still love my wife. Even if we ended up just being friends or civil, or whatever, I still wouldn’t go out . That’s aside from still being married, and being a massive-unforgivable sin, I just can’t do it.

10 weeks of sobriety tomorrow, and everything else is falling into place. The last few months was a good kick in my ass to get busy. I’m only missing one thing; and that’s her.

It’s bittersweet. Everything we ever wanted is right here. Before I had her and struggled with a job, now it’s the exact opposite. I just want all of these new successes and promising things AND her. This is the dream… It’s right here.

I can only hope. It’s all I have. All of the “signs” I see daily keep saying “don’t quit on her just yet”. I think to myself that you can always prolong a divorce to see if things can work. I have dreams knowing that someone can at anytime go to the courthouse and amend any conflicting restraints. It’s like a phone call that you keep waiting for. I’d rather walk away knowing that with all of the positive things that have come from this ordeal, and if that still didn’t work, then we would surely know.

Maybe it’s just wishful thinking, but my heart and soul tell me otherwise. I’ve always been right here. I’ve gone through every emotion known to man, but I always end up with the same thought process of “we are gonna be ok”. I’ve never believed in something so much.

Tomorrow is a good day to start. I believe in taking chances, because some of the best things can come from it, and they will always out waiver anything negative. Just believe, and your dreams become reality . I know what my dreams are.. So I must keep believing….

I write these things down, to hopefully inspire or help others; while in the process helping myself ..