I’ve been keeping an orphan midget prisoner in my basement for just over a year now. He’s been chained to a support beam in a room which mattresses are duct-taped to the walls to muffle his screams for help.

I would give him just enough nourishment to stay alive and then feed him no-doze caffeine pills when I wanted him to dress up like an umpa-loomp and sing Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory songs to me.

OK, that was pretty funny. When I first saw the title I thought, "Oh no, not another one." I actually laughed aloud reading this. Funny stuff.

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Q: Do you give (QB) Elvis Grbac more decision-making in terms of the offense ?
CUNNINGHAM: "I think the greatest thing about Elvis is he's growing his beard and he competes. He competed as hard as I've seen a quarterback compete."