Really Misleading Title

I can not in good conscience recommend this book to anyone who is curious about threesomes as the advice is trite, sophomoric, and in some cases very dangerous. Not a good book to learn about the pitfalls and avoiding them when contemplating adding other to your relationship.

I thought when I ordered this book I'd be getting a book that at the very least deals with the highs and lows of group sex for couples who are really curious. Instead I got a sophomoric recounting of a sex industry workers attempts at the "college fling" years after leaving college. I was appalled at her cavalier treatment of men and about some of her suggestions which are downright sleazy and some are even dangerous. Safer sex practices are glossed over and she repeatedly suggests making a decision to add a third to your twosome after a few drinks and maybe even some pot, you know, when your judgment is crystal clear. My guys and I laughed incredulously at her suggestion to "do what feels right" followed by the suggestion to have a few drinks and smoke some weed! Wow just wow was all I could say.

This book is written from the perspective of boyfriend/girlfriend rather than from committed couple mainly because that is the author's apparent sole perspective. She isn't married and as far as her book showed didn't even do much research into the problems faced by married couples who swing. For a book on "couples" to include silly anecdotal stories about married couples shows a lack of experience as far as I am concerned. Regardless of her assertion that being the third wheel is somehow enviable many more people have felt the opposite and it is a hard hurdle to overcome, especially if this isn't just a one night fling. Another concern for me was the representation that all threesomes should be conducted by "hard bodied youngsters" which was a real turn off for me since I am currently IN a committed threesome and I am soft, cushiony and middle aged. The pictures were nice and I did enjoy them but c'mon if your aim is to reassure people that they are fine for wanting to try a non-mainstream sex act then showing them that these are the types of people who do this really isn't all that reassuring.

Most people who have had group sex wouldn't recommend using a bar as a favorite place to pick up a playmate. Neither would we recommend bringing a stranger to your home, let alone two. Since communication and trust are large parts of safe swinging you really should know your partners, yes the fling with a total stranger can be exciting that next visit to the doctor might not be so fun. Add to that you've brought a possibly unbalanced individual to your home and voila recipe for disaster just add human frailty and stir!

Her assertion that men are "mice" following cheese is rather stereotypical and mean spirited I feel. Her depiction of the type of woman who will take two men to bed is laughable as well. So hot and so confident that she can convince two men to be naked in the same room? Honey there are some men, LOTS of them, who are confident enough in their masculinity to be naked and involved with another guy and woman. I also have to disagree that all guys prefer it to be with a friend, my husband is a swinger and doesn't care who the other guy is as long as he is very sure he is clean and understands his personal boundaries a friend in this case would be too personal for him. All those stories about threesomes she's edited and she doesn't know that when it comes to men and women there are no true stereotypes?

There is virtually no mention of polyamory or anything other than a swinging alternative lifestyle which was a bummer for me. I realize that this is a subject that could take an encyclopedia type arrangement to fully cover but it would have been nice to see something mentioned about swinging not being the only alternative.

All in all I cannot recommend this book as anything but a flight of fantasy and one woman's experiences, with a few other people's thrown in to spice things up. The author admits she isn't very experienced and her book bears this out. If you are a couple who are interested in a threesome there are better, more realistic books out there to help you cope with the potential mine field you are curious about entering. This book is written from a college age perspective and in my opinion is aimed at that crowd, keep this in mind while you read the book and for goodness sake take her suggestions lightly and do more reading before plunging in with both feet.

Experience

When I read some of the passages of the book to my guys they both had some serious concerns. My husband who is very experienced in the world of swinging wanted me to point out that the bar fling is dangerous and potentially devastating to health and relationship. My lover who is not at all experienced in the world of swinging said her attempts to cajole and reassure fall far short of their mark and would have made him run screaming in the opposite direction.

Follow-up commentary2 months after original review

There is a much better resource available for curious couples here on Eden Fantasys, "Opening Up" by Tristan Taormino. This book is a realistic look at the pitfalls and problems faced by adventurous couples, triples and more. If you are looking for lovely, contrived pictures of some hot bodied models then "Threesomes For Couples..." is perfect but if you are truly curious then other resources are much better and saner.

This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the
FTC guidelines.

Your review is very thorough, and in talking about what this book lacks, you certainly touch on a few aspects of threesomes that if elaborated upon, really would make a great book. Thanks!

01/12/2009

~LaUr3n~

GREAT review. Although I would NEVER consider doing this with my partner if I had any intention of dating him long or being serious. It is just a bad idea all around.

01/13/2009

Naughty Student

What a great review, I have considered having a threesome with my partner and another girl but never seriously wanted to do it. I will know to steer clear from this book. Thank you so much for your help.

01/13/2009

Betty Rocket

Fantastic review! This book is absolutely toxic for anyone looking to add a third....PLEASE STAY AWAY

01/14/2009

goodvibrations

we have talked about a threesome but have decided it would probably complicate things too much. and thanks to your review... I won't be getting this book for advice. It doesn't seem like it has any good advice in it. thanks for the great review.

01/14/2009

Airlia

Great review. Hopefully they come out with a better book for threesomes.

01/14/2009

Juliettia

Great review. Not something I would ever consider doing, but it seems that since it doesn't tell you about the highs, lows, and pitfalls that it could be a very deceiving read!

01/14/2009

Airen Wolf

I really was disappointed with this book. Having a threesome is a real LARGE step in any relationship, I know it's a fantasy that just about everyone shares but in reality it isn't all story book cuddling. Sex is messy, relationships are messy and threesomes are messy. If handled carefully it can be a joyful mess complete with chocolate and whip cream! Handled badly a threesome can ruin a relationship and a friendship. My first threesome nearly ended my marriage and cost me the friendship of a woman I loved. So much for it's better when you do this with friends right?
My best advice is if you have reservations about adding to your relationship bed, DON'T DO IT!
~Airen

01/14/2009

Dragon

I'm glad to see that another review went up on this book- saying about the same thing that I felt. A lot of pretty pictures, and a lot of fluff, and poor advice. (*notes to self* - did I do a follow up yet, about how poor it is?) The book Opening Up is so much more useful - without pictures, but great for discussing reality.

I laughed when you mentioned pot here. Somehow I must have missed that idiocy when reading!

04/05/2009

Airen Wolf

LOL we were floored when she mentioned it...Arch said it was like you should be hearing that cheesy 70's porno music to her suggestions. Yes Opening up or even Open by Jenny Block are MUCH more sane and real life. I recommend both heavily!