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In years gone by, Australian cricket teams touring the subcontinent
would invariably return home with horrific stories about the food
that was on offer. But apart from Shane Warne's celebrated whinge
of 1998 that he was missing his fare of baked beans and spaghetti
(which resulted in an Australian maker promptly sending him a crate
of the stuff), those grizzles are very much a thing of the
past.

Well, they were until this little yarn made its way back to
Australia this week. It involves acting skipper Adam Gilchrist who,
accompanied by some of his teammates, was dining at the team's
hotel in Nagpur on the eve of the third Test when, much to his
horror, he noticed that a cockroach had made its way into his main
course. But if that wasn't nauseating enough, when Gilly called the
waiter across to complain, the hotel staffer insisted it was not a
cockroach at all - that it was simply an exotic addition to his
international meal - and, to prove the point, he picked it up and
ate it.

Gilly, who insists he knows a cockroach when he sees one - and says
this was definitely a cockroach - almost threw up, as did the other
Aussies who, no doubt, will "dine out" on their culinary experience
for years to come.

Warney, we're told, has since put extra locks on his supply of
baked beans and spaghetti in anticipation of his teammates wanting
to return to a "less exotic" diet for the rest of the tour.

Girls, girls!
Trying to work out the reasons behind the demise of two of
Australia's most celebrated sporting romances, those of Delta and
Scud and Lleyton and Kimmy, hasn't taken up too much of our time,
to be honest.

Nor have we shown any interest in fielding suggestions. Well, we
hadn't until these two file photographs of the aggrieved girls just
happened to land on our desk.

For what it's worth, we have told the persons responsible for
making such scurrilous and suggestive claims to wash their mouths
out with soap and water.

Throwing Cole pizza
Manchester United and Arsenal may have gone head to head in what
was touted as the English Premier League match of the year last
weekend but it would seem that what turned out to be a fiery
on-field encounter was nothing compared with what happened in the
changerooms afterwards. Man U won 2-0, ending the Gunners' run of
49 unbeaten matches, but the lowlight of the game was when United
striker Ruud van Nistelrooy crudely fouled Arsenal's Ashley Cole,
which later cost the striker a three-match ban.

The London Sun has since been hot on the after-match
shenanigans, revealing that soon after the players got back to
their rooms tempers exploded and some of them started throwing
food, including soup and pizza, at each other. But the latest
revelation is that Cole has been named as the main perpetrator, the
paper claiming that the 23-year-old defender at one point hurled a
pizza piece at Van Nistelrooy but his aim was off target and it
struck Man U boss Alex Ferguson instead. No points to Cole for
that. But full points to The Sun's front-page headline -
"Old Fling Cole".

Good 'old' Eddie

He remains the youngest of all the AFL presidents but Eddie McGuire
is officially about to be labelled "getting on in years" with the
arrival tomorrow of his big four-0.

And to ensure the milestone does not pass without proper fanfare he
and about 200 family and friends - and no doubt all his colleagues
at Channel Nine - will toast the occasion over dinner at a swish
beachside restaurant tonight.

Only those invited have been told where the celebrations will take
place, although if you're out and about tonight and hear a
boisterous midnight rendition of "Good old Collingwood forever" -
officially Eddie's national anthem - you will know that you're not
far away from it.

A real team effort
With Victoria vying with Western Australia to host a Super 14 rugby
union team, the Vics are wanting as much help as they can muster.
And there is surely none better than the support they've got from a
certain teenage girl, one of 3804 people who have so far signed the
petition available on www.vicrugby.com.au.

And this one for the "punters with too much money" file. This week
a TAB Sportsbet client invested $20 (at odds of $2501) on Glenn
McGrath to be Australia's top run-scorer during the India series.
As if buoyed by the punter's optimism, the Australian No. 11 made a
very impressive - and unconquered - 11 in Nagpur yesterday. That
brings his overall series tally to 18 which, for the record, puts
him 285 behind Michael Clarke, 274 behind Damien Martyn, 166 behind
Adam Gilchrist, 147 behind Simon Katich, 139 behind Matthew Hayden
and 168 behind Justin Langer. Look for a big Pigeon run-fest in the
second dig, we reckon.