10 Ways to Let Go and Overcome a Bad Mood

“Every day may not be good, but there’s something good in every day.” ~Unknown

Contrary to popular belief, even positive people get in bad moods.

Maybe you didn’t get enough sleep last night. Or you feel overworked and overwhelmed. Or perhaps something happened and you keep dwelling on it, going over and over in your head how you froze up in a meeting or spoke too aggressively to someone you love.

Whatever the case may be, you feel something you don’t want to feel and you’re not sure how to change it. You just know you need to do something before acting on that feeling.

The reality is you don’t have to act on everything you feel. Still, emotional responses happen so quickly that it becomes challenging to put space between feeling and doing.

It may seem like the answer is to stop responding to life emotionally, but that’s just not realistic. Paul Ekman, one of the foremost researchers on emotion, suggests it’s near impossible to bypass an emotional response because of the way our brains are set up.

Perhaps the best goal is to identify negative feelings quickly and improve your state of mind instead of responding to feelings with more feelings. Odds are, if you choose the latter, you’ll do something you’ll regret later.

I’ve come up with ten ways to overcome a negative state of mind:

1. Get to the root.

If you’ve ever snapped at someone who didn’t say or do anything to offend you, you’re familiar with this common dilemma: you feel something but you’re not entirely sure why. So you start looking for explanations. The kids are too loud. Or the TV’s too small. Or the car’s too dirty.

Maybe you’re afraid of acknowledging someone hurt you because you prefer to avoid confrontation. Or maybe you’re disappointed in yourself but admitting it is too painful. Whatever the case, it’s time to get honest. Lashing out won’t address the problems that are creating your feelings.

2. Be real.

There’s no point in pretending you’re full of sunshine when internally you feel like crying or screaming. You’re entitled to feel the full range of emotions and express what’s on your mind when you need to. Don’t worry about bringing other people down; you’ll only do that if you dwell in negativity.

If someone asks what’s wrong, be honest: “I’ve had a rough day, I don’t feel so great, but I’m sure I’ll feel better when I…”

3.Complete the “I’ll feel better when I …” sentence.

Everyone has something that’s guaranteed to put a smile on their face. Playing with your dog. Watching re-runs of Friends. Jump roping to bad eighties music. It’s helpful to have this Ace in your pocket to pull out when you need a smile. (If you’re on Facebook, read more ideas to make you smile here.)

I know yoga always enhances my mood. I also know when I feel bad I’m less motivated to go to yoga. It helps to remind myself it will be worth it in the end if I push through my discomfort, because yoga always helps, at least a little.

4. Take responsibility.

Sometimes when you’re down, it might feel like you have to stay there. But the truth is we can influence how we feel by choosing what we do. Sitting around sulking causes prolonged sadness. Doing something proactive will help you start to feel better.

When you realize you’re the only thing standing between you and a smile, you get motivated to take action. That’s the thing about feelings: you can’t sit around waiting for them to change. You have to do something to change them.

5. Think it out.

The best way to change how you feel is to change how you think about what’s bothering you. Instead of dwelling on what went wrong, identify what you learned and what you can do with that knowledge to make your next moments better.

Instead of dwelling on everything that’s out of your hands, focus on things you can actually control: how honest you are about your feelings, whether you take responsibility or blame other people, whether you cling to pain or let go. You can’t avoid feelings, but you don’t have to exacerbate them with negative thoughts.

6. Change the story in your head.

Sometimes when you’re in a bad mood, it’s tempting to cling to a story that justifies it, and then retell it over and over like a picture book you’ve heard a million times. And then he said this…And then I did this…And then I messed up…

Visualize yourself closing a book and taking a new one off the shelf. Then start telling yourself a different story—one where you’re not a victim, one where you’re not powerless, one where you’re accepting what happened and moving on so you don’t lose anymore time to that other book.

7. Want to understand.

Even if something happened to create your bad mood, you’re responsible for maintaining it, and it’s easy to do that if you refuse to see the other side of situations. If you want to believe your best friend meant to hurt you, or the world is against you, or your boss didn’t promote you because she’s out to get you.

Instead of fueling your anger for your friend, feel compassion for the pain she must be in; she’d never hurt you on purpose. Instead of thinking the world is against you, put your day in perspective; everyone has bad days. Instead of imaging your boss is out to get you, realize she had a tough choice to make, and you’ll have more opportunities to advance down the line.

8.Uplift yourself.

Diffuse your negative feelings by generating positive ones. Watch something funny and silly on YouTube. Or watch something inspirational that reminds you people are good—life is good. I recommend Validation. Every time I see it I feel good about myself and want to pay that forward.

9. Use the silly voice technique.

According to Russ Harris, author of The Happiness Trap, swapping the voice in your head with a cartoon voice will help take back power from the troubling thought.

When you start thinking about the interview that went downhill, do it as Bugs Bunny. When you rehash the fight you had with your boyfriend, do it as one of those high-pitched mice from Cinderalla. Sound ridiculous? It is. That’s the point.

10.Repeat.

You’ve tried everything but your mind is still being stubborn. Now it’s a battle of wills: the part of you that wants to let go against the part of you that doesn’t.

Repeat this to yourself: “I still feel bad. I accept it. I know I won’t always feel bad, and it will change as soon as I’m ready.” Simply affirming that you won’t always feel bad—that you’re not destined to feel angry, sad, or frustrated forever—and that you are in control of your feelings might motivate you to let them go.

Thanks for the great tips, Lori! I especially like the one on getting to the root, be real and change the story in the head. Running away or suppressing our emotions is never the way to deal with them. Simple emotions that remained unresolved would only fester and transform into something totally unrecognizable and uglier when they have not been given the proper channels to express themselves.

Thank you so much for this article. Earlier this weekend I got hurt pretty badly, and rather than letting anger and being upset ruin my weekend, I was able to turn myself around by getting to the root of my pain, and then finding a new way to look at it. I really appreciate what you are doing.

I hear you. I have a hard time with this sometimes, as well. It helps me to remember even the worst mood eventually passes. It's one of those pieces of wisdom you hear from your grandmother growing up (this too shall pass); and even though it seems so unlikely when you're feeling your worst, it really is true.

I'm so happy the post was helpful to you…and I'm always excited to share Validation. I've shown it to everyone I know and love because it's just such a powerful little video. Hope your Monday is off to a great start!

thats so funny!! i was having a terrible night about two nights ago and couldn't sleep, so my boyfriend left the room and said he was going to find me and movie to put on for me to fall asleep too. Finding nemo is what he came back with and it put me in a great mood! 🙂 i recommend watching this too!!

14sanity

Not only the content of the movie and the fun animation, really it's the bright beautiful colors. Many studies show color effects moods,etc., we all know going out into the sun, enjoying a bright colorful world really helps out! Keep smiling!!

These are great suggestions. I especially like the one about the story, because some years ago a spiritual teacher once asked someone a very powerful question that changed my life in an instant. Her question was “What if you have never really suffered at all? What if that's just a story you're telling yourself?” In my own internal answer to that question, I felt years of stories of suffering melt away and a rush of joy unlike anything I had ever experienced. That joyous feeling lasted for over 8 hours. I stopped believing any of my sad stories.

Listen to the stories we tell ourselves everyday to see how we are either creating a life of suffering or a life of passion and purpose.

What an empowering post! I em enjoying the articles on this site and the fresh perspective. Like others, I particularly appreciate changing the story. I was actually sitting here prior to reading, feeling quite put upon by another during a hard time for me. I reframed the story and found myself able to let it go! Thanks for the words of wisdom and the wonderful site!

I am going through a bad situation now and just like what you mentioned in the article, I’ve been telling the same “story” in my head to justify my anger. Perhaps I should change the story. Perhaps the situation isn’t so bad. Perhaps I should just let go of this anger cuz….afterall…. there’s more to life than this little situation? If I don’t stop now, perhaps we can’t enjoy life?

I know that feeling well. Sometimes it can feel nearly impossible to let a story ago. Then I remind myself that we let everything go eventually; it might as well be sooner than later!

Rebecca

I can honestly say that I don’t remember the last time that I have been in a bad mood. 4 years ago I took a program called Inner Engineering. It changed me and now my emotions don’t have control over me. You can now take it online at http://www.InnerEngineering.org. The mystic that teaches this class is Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev. He will be featured in a free online webstream event called “My Conversations with the Mystic” on January 30th. It’s free, but you need to register in advance at: http://myconversationswiththemystic.com/chrisrado/ So happy to find this community!

Im always impressed how Tiny Buddha has a word to my moments.
Every time Im passing to something bad or a hard moment, I open the webpage and go straight to the text that sounds writed especially for me. To my moment.
I love it!

“Perhaps the best goal is to identify negative feelings quickly and improve your state of mind instead of responding to feelings with more feelings. Odds are if you choose the latter, you’ll do something you’ll regret later.”

Wow I definitely needed to read this at this moment, because I am in a bad mood and felt my self sabotaging ways rearing it’s ugly head. But like you said, I had to acknowledge my part in this bad mood, which was stemming from my own insecurities and fear about love and relationships. But I don’t want to sabotage this relationship, like I’ve done the others. I’m just going to let go and be happy!!

I am enjoying this blog very much. It’s like I always come across the right article at the right moment. Whatever I’m feeling, I know I can come here; it’s like the posts always seem to “hit the spot.” 🙂

That’s so great to hear! (Well, read). I always appreciate that writers contribute such honest posts about their struggles and insights. It makes it a lot easier to deal with everyday challenges when we remember we all deal with the same things.

Thanks so much! The silly voice technique has definitely worked for me.

Sasalool

I liked the post and liked the comment by Taru Fisher. it’s amazing our ability to create sad stories in our heads. I know this friend who is so lovely, positive and embracing life. she’s loved by everyone because she’s able to make people luagh and smile, they all listen to her stories which are filled with warmth, love and joy. This friend is going right now through hell, problem after another, I can’t imagine how she can cope with it all, and yet, she still can tell people about what she’s going through in a very funny way and make them smile. I actually think that people are envying her for what she’s going through. It’s amazing hoe the story in your head can change every thing, It’s amazing how powerful our imagination that can create funny and warm moments out of hardship. by just changing the story in your head.

I’ve been a victim of stubborn negative feelings that won’t budge on heaps of occasions..for example, if i’m out with friends after a rough day or i’m not feeling the best because of something that has happened, I have a tendency of dwelling on that feeling for long periods of time. My family has a history of similar situations and i sometimes feel like i’m no longer in control about how i feel..this gets me down. I love the ‘ace in your pocket’ point in this post because when I do get into these moods, and remember that there is a way that I can make myself feel better, my mind all of sudden feels that little bit more positive. This is something that I believe we all need to find, and practice, and practice and practice…

Yes, I totally agree! It’s a nice feeling to remember that we DO have control over how we feel (once we accept and work through our emotions), and that we can access that if we change our thoughts or actions.

Nando Revelo

Great post, i was feeling kinda down this past weeks and suddenly i saw this and i also watched “validation” and i just… well… smiled 😀 You’ve opened my eyes one more time, thank you so much !

I am new to your site. Harriet from http://www.rebuildyourlifecoach.com pointed me to you. She mentioned that our writing style and topic is similar. I am most flattered. After reading your post, I don’t think I can compare anywhere near you. Its strange how things can appear in our lives. Yesterday, I was having a bad day for no apparent reasons. My mood was down and my family got it from me. I just could not explain why, but the first point you wrote resonated so well to me. I just wish that I have more skills to deal with my emotional downs. Just like that, your article appeared to me. I have learn a lot. Now, I can add these techniques to my repetoire. I look forward to learning more things to do as I develop my own personal development niche. If you can do drop by my site http://www.mylifearchitects.com and tell me what you think. My post today is on feedback. Just what I need.

It’s a pleasure to e-meet you! I’m a huge fan of Harriet’s writing, and I so appreciate that she pointed you here. =)

I have definitely found that bad moods are contagious, particularly with family members. I’ve been mindful of this since moving in with my boyfriend, which gives me an added incentive to bounce back from a bad mood quickly when I can. I know it affects him deeply.

I visited your site, and I’m impressed! I particularly enjoyed reading the stories of rejection. Thank you for sharing the link!

This is just what I needed this morning. I think I’m going to double up by changing the story in my head AND doing the silly voice. Some days just call for that extra dose.
Thanks so much for all you do!

It’s funny. I saw this a week ago and thought “oh I dont need to read this life is great.” Well shit hit the fan. Its always a good reminder that it works if you work it. Even when things are good keep the practice up. Thank you

“Perhaps the best goal is to identify negative feelings quickly and improve your state of mind instead of responding to feelings with more feelings. ”
– striked out for me.. powerful

Ericnewball

Lori I really appreciate what I just read and I’m sure you’re a great person; maybe you’ve been through tough situations as I but you’ve taken out time for yourself and others doing this writing and that’s great. God bless you

Something that helps me is using the funny voice…try this one~ WHHAADDAAUUUDDDOOOO???? I SPEAK TO ANIMALS ALOT THIS WAY BUT ONCE I STARTED IT WITH MY FRIENDS I FELT LIKE I WAS GENERATING HAPINESS AND SILLINESS ALL OVER ME AND THE ROOM~

Arungrz8

gr88…………

Anonymous

Thanks for the great suggestions! One of my favorite ways to get out of a funk is to whip out my gratitude journal…It’s especially effective if I can get myself to write down some little things I’m thankful for. But even if all I do is read over some old ones, it always helps put things in perspective. There are always things to smile about! Or even if it doesn’t get a smile outta me, it takes the edge off. 🙂

now i feel like i know i cant control about how i feel and get me down down and down … i tried to had activities but i think it cant help my mind any.. my mind shake throughout the day.. it’s deep in my head .. now i cant cry

Pateriya Kuldeep

m a student lives away from my family from chilhood I met them occasionally ….I always feel bad because I did’nt get enough time to study. As. I am a paying guest… What should I do ..? I have no good friends….

I found this while feeling pretty blue after my brother and sister-in-law let me down today. I’m still not OK, but dwelling on it or becoming bitter won’t change anything. I’m glad that I didn’t lash out at them and put on a cheery face because now I can maintain a close relationship with them, despite the frustrating situation.

Mememe

I agree; and I understand what it’s like to hold on to those negative feelings. I have a tendency to do that for a while. Then something happens that reminds me of that injustice and I get angry all over again.

Nyan Cat

Nyan Nyan Nya Nya Nyan

dlj

Love number six, change the story in your head. Tiny buddha one is awesome!! Thanks.

Nora

what do you feel when long time friends didn’t invite you to her party?

I like getting out my sweatpants, my ipod and turning on some music and dancing up a storm when I’m in a bad mood. Another thing I like to do is get out a stack of index cards that have affirmations written on them and pick 3 affirmation cards and say each one 3 times out loud. Crying always makes me feel better too, lots or releasing and letting go.

I like tip #9: Use the silly voice technique. This technique actually separates you from the negative thought that causes bad mood. You don’t identify with the thought as much as you did before. Great tips and thanks for sharing!

Comment from Efren , Sulema, Alexis . . . as we read these tips we learned different ways to mange our mad moods , this post helped us cope with our stress and changed our lives forever for good. Alexis this post really helped him come out the closet and now decides to tell his parents about his life partner. He is now in engaged with his gorgeous fiancé Efren<3

It is hard to over come a bad mood expecially when the kids are acting a fool. I just ignore my boyfriend when he is in a bad mood. My kids are teenagers and they act like they are 2 so it’s very easy to get annoyed with them.

That’s an interesting point, about our brains filtering out the negative. I find that for me, saying, “I won’t always feel bad” helps a great deal, but I imagine it’s different for everyone. Thanks for sharing your perspective!

Anonymous

Jumping rope, not jump roping.

Allen

I like this site and the information. Logical, credible, organized.

I am
visiting today, seeking some wisdom to
break my strong, negative thought pattern. I am careful to prevent my bad moods from lingering or growing.
But,
today it is a different feeling. I’m worn
down, and seeking something different, a
new way to change my mood to positive. I’ve had a
couple rough days and nights. I have
let go of the anger, and look forward to spending some time with
my children after work.

I am genuinely blessed with many wonderful
things in my life and am usually

an upbeat, cheerful person. I regularly take inventory, and savor the
good things I have, while I have them because I know that they
won’t always be there.

I am a very
spiritual person ( I found out it is in my genetics). My great grandmother was a Tsaligi medicine
woman. I learned in
my short 50 years, for people to advance
and thrive, they must share.

I’m so sorry to learn about what happened to your son. He’s fortunate to have you as a strong, positive presence in his life as be moves forward from this horrific event. I’m really inspired by your perspective and strength. You are in my thoughts!

Lori

Wattahelll

When i messed up i just say God grant me serenity to accept the things i cannot change courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference living one day at a time enjoying one moment at a time…. I dunno it works for me :p

Thank you Lauri.
I’m going to suggest this page to some friends who I think could use it when they could use it .
the validation video was awesome
Isn’t it great huh just a simple smile or a hug can change someone’s day.
thanks for that link and suggestions

The fastest way to overcome a bad mood is to listen to Polka music; it’s IMPOSSIBLE to be grumpy, mad or depressed when you hear that stuff!

Susan Banks

just listen to music on muzikool (www.muzikool.com) . change your mood from one emotion to other slowly with music. music is the best medicine. no abrupt shock of emotions. check out this pin http://www.pinterest.com/pin/335447872216333424/

Cathy

i recently came across a website (Muzikool.com) that uses music as a therapy to change/elevate your mood. user can draw a path on a mood wheel that sets a playlist. check it out. it works ! smooth transition from one mood to other

ky

great

Matt

If you believe in using music as a therapy then Muzikool (www.muzikool.com)is the right answer for you. You can draw a playlist on a two dimensional mood map ; say a playlist from sad to happy that goes from blues to calm can be designed ! have a look here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuiAgM1P9Qk

Matt

practice practice and practice with patience..

Guess123

How about if you still feeling bad and it continues almost everyday and if therapy isn’t working?

Love this post it’s really helpful and true. It’s hard to admit that I’m disappoint with myself or to admit the true source of my bad mood. But once i do i start feeling better. Especially with the cartoon voice suggestion it’s pretty funny.
Yoga does help me a lot especially when I’m feeling very anxious and nervous about something.
Anyways thank you for this helpful post i enjoyed it. 🙂

i m always getting hurt so feel very bad about my life….i want to recover from the bad situation

Touchofsanity

This kind of sounds like emotional flashbacks. Perhaps there is something in your past that keeps coming forward because it needs to be dealt with? Try looking into Faster EFT – you’ll find loads of free videos on Youtube that should help. Also, look at Maxwell Maltz book, Psycho Cybernetics, to help you regain control of your psyche and gain a more positive self image if your existing one is pulling you down. Much luck! 🙂

wolfertyu

Me and my girl friend fight over how much I’m in a bad mood, and with this im not going 2 be in a bad mood . thxs

damarquise

I snap idk why 0 to 100 real quick i cant help it..im learning to have self controls

Tim Holmes

Shooting pool helps me clear my head. When I shoot my mind gets clear just focusing on the game. So focusing on an activity might help someone.

nicole brown

This all sounds fine and dandy… But what about when you’re down in the dumps and have no clue why and you know nothing is wrong but you’re literally just in a horrible mood for days?

wndrr

BS

wndrr

aka how to become gay about it

Nicklas Millner

Nicole, days may be depression or depressive eppisode. Diet, and exercise along w meditation, before meds.

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