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Who's at fault?

Image courtesy: granitegrok.com

Its so good to write after such a long time. Somehow writing has always helped me to pour my heart out. Well, from few days I have come across a variety of people who have their hands full with opportunities but have failed to undertake them. And let me be very very specific all these were girls.

Today, we talk about women empowerment, their freedom and me being a woman I totally respect it. There are women who balance their work, home and family. But what about those women who don't and still expect women empowerment. Let me simplify. I had a friend who got married a year ago. He works in a BPO sector and so you can imagine that he has to work in night shifts. He decided to get married and accordingly he registered in all reputed matrimonial. Being a transparent person himself, he decided to write down every detail of his professional and personal life along with his expectations. Well, what were his expectations - he wished to have a working woman! Why? Because he thought he wanted a helping hand for a better and brighter future. So, where did he go wrong? Well, the story lies ahead. The girl agreed for every thing and what happened after marriage? She never tried her best to find a job. She never tried to communicate with husband. She never tried to be friends with him. Mind you, all these tasks were undertaken by him but she dint reciprocate. He tried his best to find a job but she would work for a week or maximum a month and quit. His parents supported her wholeheartedly but today she claims that they mentally tortured her. I want to know who is at fault? The parents who chose that girl and supported her or the boy who tried everything possible to save this relationship?

Well, I would like to share another incident. A boy fell in love with a girl and instantly promised to marry. He belonged to one of the most reputed and influential family. When the girl's parents came to know about the alliance - the boy was badly beaten by her parents - not once but thrice. The boy and girl did not give up. She told him that she suffered from illness and would die. But he did not budge and convinced and overcame every obstacle and got married. After a year, the problems cropped in. It was revealed that girl had lied every inch. She was never ill and never going to die. She would hit the boy in front of the parents and when parents stopped her, she said they abused her. She spoke ill about her in-laws who gave her education, investments, luxuries and many more. Who's at fault here? The boy who loved her enormously or the parents who supported her?

Lets take the third one. Only son to his parents a boy got married to a girl which was an arranged marriage. Parents had only one expectation that her name should be changed. Not on papers (her original name would be the same on her documents) but just to call her at home. The girl was given an idea about it 3 months before marriage which she readily agreed. But when the time came, she created a situation during the rituals as someone was dead. Every person from every nook and corner started calling the boy's father (on the phone) at that very moment to give justification. But no one was ready to listen and so the boy's parents did not stretch and decided to keep it as it is (did not change the name by the way). Married life started. The parents explained her the lifestyle they followed. She committed mistakes but everyone understood and gave her space. Interestingly, the parents also put forth a suggestion, that if she is not willing to stay with them, than they can happily stay somewhere else. They also made sure to convince her that this will not hamper their relationship. They will continue to maintain and cherish it. But the girl bluntly disagreed and showed interest to stay with parents. Two years down the line, the girl claims she was mentally tortured and was asked to do hell lot of work. What was this hell lot of work? Making 4 rotis and sabji! That's it. The girl abruptly left the house and her parents casually said that she must be angry she will be back in two days. The girl or her parents never called and did not respond to the boy's parents and his calls too. The girl before leaving left all the belongings which were gifted to her by her husband and her in-laws (They had gifted her suit and mobile on birthday, diamond mangalsutra and earrings, 2 gold mangalsutra and silver items). According to her this decision will give her and her husband a relief in life.

In all these situations, I realise that these girls never really wanted to get married. I am not saying it is just their fault but if you look closely, things seem so. Whats the use of your education if you cannot handle it? Most important if you know you can't take this big leap of marriage than who has given you the right to ruin other's person's life? In all these situations, I really don't understand who's at fault? The parents who happily get their kids married? They sacrifice their happiness and do adjustments so are they at fault? They try to give all luxuries to their kids, is their thinking at fault? I am still trying to figure out.