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Sunday, August 11, 2013

HOW TO BE HAPPY

Positive psychology is all the rage these days, and
everybody wants the secret key to happiness.
Go figure; everybody wants to be happy.
What can evolutionary psychology say about how to be happy?

As usual, I feel compelled to begin with a disclaimer that,
as a scientist – as the scientific fundamentalist – I am not in the business of
giving advice to people and telling people how to live their lives. That’s the job of counselors and therapists,
and, as Jesse Bering explains very clearly in his first post as a PT blogger,
these two types of psychologists are entirely different. Just like Jesse, I am a research psychologist,
not a clinician. As a scientist, I don’t
care if people are happy or not. I just
want to know why.

Having said that, however, from my perspective as an
evolutionary psychologist, I would say that the best thing for people to do to
become happier is to get in touch with

their animal nature, if not necessarily
their inner fish then at the very least their inner ape. Recognize and accept that we are
animals. We are all designed by
evolution to be certain way, and no amount of denial or fighting will change
our evolutionary legacy and its implications.

One of the things that evolution has done is to make men and
women very different. In some ways
(though not in others), males of one species are often more similar to males of
other species than to females of their own species, and vice versa. In some ways, in many ways, men are more
similar to male chimpanzees or gorillas than to women. One of the ways that men and women are different
is in what makes them happy.

Forget what feminists, hippies, and liberals have told you
in the last half century. They are all
lies based on political ideology and conviction, not on science. Contrary to what they may have told you, it
is very unlikely that money, promotions, the corner office, social status, and
political power will make women happy.
Similarly, it is very unlikely that quitting their jobs, dropping out of
the rat race, and becoming stay-at-home dads to spend all their times with
their children will make men happy.

Money, promotions, the corner office, social status, and
political power are what make men happy (as long as they win, of course, but
then dropping out is by definition a defeat).
Spending time with their children is what makes women happy. As Danielle Crittenden very eloquently argues
in her book What Our Mothers Didn’t Tell Us:
Why Happiness Eludes the Modern Women, it is very unlikely that women
will be truly happy without having children, but, as Crittenden points out,
there are ways to combine careers with motherhood. It’s not the way that the feminists have told
us.

More recently, my fellow PT blogger Gretchen Rubin’s superb
“one-minute movie” The Years Are Short captures this dramatically and
perfectly. It’s a fantastic film, and I
highly recommend it to everyone. I cry
every time I watch it.

Men and women are very different, because they are designed
by millions of years of evolution to be very different. Women cannot become happy by pretending to be
men, and men cannot become happy by pretending to be women. Swedes have already tried that, and they have
failed massively and spectacularly.

What can evolutionary psychology tell us about what we as a
society can do so as not to repeat the Swedish mistake and make our citizens
happy? The best thing to do is to kill
all the feminists and hippies and liberals.
Destroy political correctness completely once and for all. Teach boys and girls that they are different,
not the same, and that it’s okay (nay, wonderful) to be different. One is not right and the other is not
wrong. Stop telling girls that they are
inferior versions of boys, as feminists have done for the last half century,
or, as has more recently been the case, stop telling boys that they are
inferior versions of girls.

Live as you feel like, not as you think you should live
like. Your feelings are seldom wrong,
because you are designed to feel certain way by millions of years of
evolution. Decades of feminism can’t
stop that. You are seldom wrong if you
follow your feelings; you are seldom right if you follow feminism or any other
political ideology.