Robin Thicke Needs an Intervention…and a Restraining Order

I’ve never purported to have “game.” I wasn’t a serial dater. I didn’t mesmerize the fairer sex with just the right thing to say or do. “Game” was never my forte. However, as a happily married man, I’ve learned a few things. And judging from Robin Thicke‘s piss-poor (and stalkerish) efforts to woo back his estranged wife Paula Patton, it’s clear the man needs professional help.

We don’t know what exactly broke them up (rumors have spanned from embarrassment from his performance with Miley Cyrus to a threesome gone bad), but I’m sure his single “Get Her Back”, its disturbing video, and naming his upcoming album Paula ain’t doing much in the “redeem myself” department.

So, if you ever start to feel like Robin Thicke (damn near desperate and being led by that desperation), here is a guide to getting you back on track and getting your girl back in a healthy way.

1. Have a plan

I don’t know why we, as men, think it is ever appealing or sexy to not have a plan. It’s the surest way to not have things go your way. You don’t score any points for randomness and incessant spontaneity.

This is the problem with Thicke’s campaign to win back his (ex-)wife. It’s all over the place. It’s not focused. It looks desperate and ill-conceived. And, his behavior looks more like it is publicly embarrassing shaming Patton back into his arms.

Long ago, my wife and I came to the agreement that men are dumb. Don’t argue that simple fact. Don’t work against it. And in that vein, you’ll need a plan to circumvent your dumb tendencies. Trust me.

2. Make your case

Apologize emphatically. Then you need to make a case as to why things will be different from here on out. And be convincing. Nothing else you say will mean anything or even be heard until these hurdles are jumped. But, apologize in the way that works for your significant other.

Thicke got this half (more like a quarter) right with his single “Get Her Back”. He touches on what he did wrong (good), but he never has grand declarations of apology. The man needs to take some lessons from Teddy Pendergrass. Or, maybe he should just leave the apology where it is and allow Patton to sort through her feelings in her own time. Either way, bludgeoning her with his fantasies, dreams, and hopes aren’t an apology. They are selfish attempts at face saving…and they’re sad.

3. Aim for HER heart

In general, men aren’t properly in tune with their emotions. Women, on the other hand, often figure out how to manage emotions with maturity and poise much earlier on than guys. If you really know your lady, you’ll know what her “languages of love” are. Use those when communicating instead of your own preferences.

This is where Thicke is really losing. Does Paula Patton like self-deprication? Or publicly sharing information she intended to keep private? Either way, this is not a good look. All that was really necessary was “Lost Without You” .

4. Don’t stalk her

“If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it is yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.”—Unknown

These words are so true. And it is even more true when it comes to relationships. Love works both ways, and you can’t force it. So when you screw things up, you have to apologize and then give the other person space. Let them choose whether their love for you is enough to overcome the transgression.

And above all else, stalking is never the answer. This seems pretty obvious, but apparently Robin Thicke missed that memo. In the span of time since they announced their separation, Thicke has gone from dedicating songs to her to making a music video that casts a Paula Patton look-alike and at least appears to be sharing their private communications. Moves like these don’t lead to happy endings and they don’t make for rosy reconciliations.

Thicke is too far gone at this point. He really can’t fix the damage he has done. Don’t end up like him. We can treat women better if we just try a little harder.

What do you think about Robin Thicke’s behavior? Tell us how you would grade his efforts below!