Girls Season 3, Episode 4 Recap: Hannah Officially Becomes Heisenberg

Someone this manipulative can only be a drug dealer or murderer.

Pretty much everyone who watched Breaking Bad picked some moment during the show — some arbitrary scene during Walter White's journey — that he became Heisenberg. All vestiges of the salvageable soul of a high school teacher had been officially overtaken by a murderous drug lord who would stop at nothing to protect his empire.

Last night, Hannah had her moment.

She has always been narcissistic. So when in the first scene, her publisher suddenly died, naturally, all Hannah could think about is how this would one day impact her book sales. Sorry, e-book sales.

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Meanwhile, the men in Hannah's life are surprisingly nurturing during Hannah's moment of (supposed) grief. Emotional-dumping-ground boyfriend Adam seems genuinely horrified upon learning that Hannah would be merely "sad" if he died. Snarky barista Ray, who never misses an opportunity for a sarcastic swipe, suddenly turns into a caring and sympathetic boss. And Laird, Hannah's drug-addict downstairs neighbor, offers her an uncomfortably long hug. Yet she feels nothing.

Hannah joins Laird and Adam's sister Caroline for a cathartic frolic through a cemetery, culminating in Caroline's heart-wrenching story about a dead cousin whose dying wish — to go to prom — was granted by a chivalrous high-school Adam. Ahhhh, well, not really. Turns out, Caroline made the whole thing up, but that's beside the point. The point is that Hannah still felt nada. She just had some dopey follow-up questions about how withered a child's body gets before death.

All of this leads to Hannah's sure-to-be-legendary Heisenberg moment. In the final scene, Hannah takes Caroline's (totally fake) prom story, and tells it to Adam (adding some extra tearful details for color) as if it truly happened to her. It takes a certain brand of manipulative monster to pass off someone else's fake story this convincingly, but her reason for doing is far more sinister: She just wants to convince Adam that she is emotionally available and complex.

Adam listens intently to this story, thinking "Finally, I've found the key to unlock my distressed girlfriend's heart! We are now free to live a life of honesty and growth." Only Hannah is a cold, calculating faker, toying with Adam's emotions in order to avoid those annoying little discussions that Adam forces her to have about her feelings.

What. The. Fuck. Hannah, you are now Heisenberg. Only a drug kingpin in New Mexico can live such a brazen double-life and not feel an ounce of guilt about it. I look forward to your e-book chapter about your first batch of blue meth.

Now, while all of this was going on, what's was up with Hannah's equally as disturbed and self-involved friends?

Marnie is on a health kick, (you know she's having intolerable conversations, like, "I just feel soooo much better, physically and mentally" and "we should totally go on a run sometime — I know the best route!"), and way too worried about her Youtube music video career to be slowed down by a bummer like death.

Shoshanna is super preoccupied of her exceedingly well-developed bandana collection.

Jessa prods Shoshanna with questions about dealing with death, only to completely tune out the answer because she's playing a tasty lick on her new ukulele.

With company like that, I guess it's not too surprising that Hannah becoming Scarface. If I'd spent years on the receiving end of Marnie, Jessa, and Shoshanna's emotional onslaughts, I might snap and have a "say hello to my little friend" moment too. (For Hannah, emotional manipulations = machine guns.)