Yea it really felt important at the time. Hell, it was this morning. i was remembering how crappily I slept last night. I told myself, "well you drank...AGAIN... and even though you didnt vomit/pass out, it wasn't ALL that great, was it?"

wow it's a bit unsettling to think that my "addiction" is like a separate entity within my (sub)conscious...something setting myself up to take advantage whenever it can.... It's still "me", but it's almost like an evil little person in my head...

dude you're 19. I'm sorry but this is the time to have fun and figure out what does/doesn't work for you (in terms of relationships). This is NOT the time to be tied down with someone who isn't respecting you or giving you ANY degree of sane freedom. Go out there and try talking to some other women.

haha the next day I wake up at 6am, after sleeping terribly. I realize another day has gone by with my procrastinating doing some "hard" personal things (getting my CV together, calling some important people, etc).

I already know how much time I get with a nice cheap bottle of vodka- 10am - 5pm of solid drinking and playing PS3.

oh man but my body will hate me the next day.

I think I find the "not drinking" choice so hard because I'm afraid of just confronting some hard work, and drinking is like a cheap comfort blanket.

Good luck. Just remember how much better your sleep will be without all that wine. I was drinking a similar amount as you, and constantly had vomit burps/acid reflux/disturbed sleep. Since quitting drinking my sleep has been SO much better

is this mechanism the same thing behind why the space shuttle HEATS UP on re-entry? Namely, that it's because on re-entry, all the air molecules are being forced together really fast, causing a lot of heat? Similar how canned air is COLD because the air molecules are separating very fast?