Friday, May 11, 2007

Trials and Faith

So...today was the day of Baby's big hearing test. Up until recently, I was blissfully ignorant of the many things that can result from simple ear infections. On 3 separate occasions, he failed ordinary hearing tests. The audiologist told us his hearing was "questionable" at best and some hearing loss from constant ear infections was possibly permanent. No mama wants to hear that her baby is anything less than perfectly normal, and this mama's heart was scared and hurt. For weeks now, I have kept a close eye on my youngest son, desperately wanting undeniable proof that the audiologist had him all wrong. Instead, God gave me snippets of proof...an animal noise here and there, a silent nod or shake of his head in response to a question, a precious "Mama" or "Dada" when he wanted to be held. No doubt he was not profoundly deaf, but could he hear just as well as a "normal" child? Would there be speech delays? Would there be learning difficulties later on? I had questions and needed definitive answers.

Very early this morning, we arrived at the hospital and Baby's ENT examined him. Right off the bat he discovered that his ear tubes needed to be replaced (they've been in less than 6 months) and that Baby had a severe ear infection. We gave permission for the re-do of the surgery, of course. While we waited (anxiously), I alternately prayed for good results and questioned God. "Lord, WHY am I sitting here again?" A pillar of faith I was not. After what seemed like forever, the audiologist came out to deliver the news: Baby's hearing is fine. He hears normally at all levels. He doesn't even have to do a hearing test on his next office visit!

From there we went to the recovery room where I got my baby back. He was totally out of it from the anesthesia, and I would not trade those precious moments of holding him close for anything. I was gently reminded that my children are really not mine at all...they belong to my Father. He has the absolute right to do with them as He pleases to fulfill His plan for each of their lives. It is not for me to worry about their hearing abilities or their little friendships or whether they will only eat Tonka Truck fruit snacks for days on end. It is for me to be the best mommy I can be to them: provide for their physical needs, love them without condition, teach them what they need to know, and show them what it means to walk with the Lord.