Memorable Quotes

If somebody texts during this movie, you have permission to beat them over the head until they are a bloody pulp.Dedicated To SAM FULLER

Bob: Why do you think it bothers you so much?Malcolm: What's that?Bob: Why do you care so much? You're not even from around here.Malcolm: The fuck I'm not. I live right over there.Bob: No, but I mean, dude, you're from London. You're British.Malcolm: I'm about as New York as they came, all right? I moved here when I was 16. My parents moved here. I moved with them. I went to high school round the corner from here. The best years of my life were spent here. I'm about as New York as George Gershwin, if you must know. I'm more New York than you.Bob: If George Gershwin were British maybe.Malcolm: Yeah, George Gershwin was British. You know what? George Gershwin isn't New York. He left this city, moved to Hollywood, then he died of a brain tumor. Fuck George Gershwin. I'm New York, all right? I'm like La Guardia, okay?

Malcolm: Jesus Christ! I forgot just how much energy takes to kill somoeone with a knife. Now that's what I call a cut.

Sofia: Maybe a little unease is what we need to put things back in perspective.Alex: What does that mean?Sofia: I just wonder if being too comfortable keep us from getting anything done.Alex: Come on, seriously?Sofia: Yeah, seriously. If everybody is euphoric all of time, they don't bother to ask any questions. The hard line questions needed to achieve things.

Malcolm: She's pretty cute though, huh? Well, used to be, I guess.Bob: Just 'cause she's dead, she's not cute?Malcolm: That's a good question. Does somebody stop to be cute just because they're dead? Does the devine Garbo stop being devine because she's turned to mud? "Imperious Caesar, dead and turned to clay might stop a hole to keep the wind away." Hamlet. You really should read more. Literature and Sam Fuller movies are two giant gaping holes in your education, Robert.

Bob: Is that the first tiem you've drowned someone?Malcolm: No, no, no. Uh, I once drowned this really annoying black surfer guy in Brighton like two years ago. Believe it or not, black surfers do exist. Felt kind of bad though 'cause it's such rarity. You know, like Jewish handymen, or funny Germans. I mean, how many of them can you name, right?Bob: There's Billy Wilder.Malcolm: Oh, yeah, but he's a Austrian.Bob: Ernst Lubitsch?Malcolm: Yeah, okay, but he's a Jewish. I'm talking about real Germans. Like Krupp Steel Germans. Like fucking Prussians.Bob: Hans Sachs, yeah.Malcolm: Who's that?Bob: He's a poet. Sixteenth poet. Sixteenth century. Super influential.Malcolm: What are you, some kind of fucking expert on Teutonic comedy? You going to tell me the krauts are famous for being funny now? And let's be honest here. You what they say about the German sense of humor, right? It's no laughing matter.Bob: Karl Valentin.Malcolm: All right. You're meant to be a fucking fly on the wall, okay? For a fly in the wall, you're the loudest goddamn fly I've ever heard. Jesus Christ Almighty. This guy never says anything, and this guy won't shut the fuck up. It's some fucking documentary crew I've got.

Malcolm: I mean that's the point though. Like, I can kill soomeone anytime I want. I can't get laied any time I want, so when that opportunity arises, I usually take it.

Malcolm: Can you not see that there's road works right here? Cut left. Jesus, you see? You had a perfect opportunity. This isn't some fucking boda-boda bicycling along in fucking Cameroon in some back dirt road with rebels about to rape your children and shit. You know what I mean? We're in New York city right now. Hit the gas. It's on the right.Cab driver: Get the fuck out of my cab. I'm not from Cameroon. I'm from fucking Ghana, man.Malcolm: Jesus Christ. Yeah, all right, fine.Cab driver: You fucking crazy, man?Malcolm: Yeah, I'm fucking crazy. I'm fucking crazy. 'Cause these streets are like arteries, all right, buddy? They're like fucking arteries. If people like you are clogging up the arteries then pretty soon the city is going to have a heark attack! Whatch out for this car! Fucking move! Watch out for this fucking UPS truck! Hit the gas! I don't want to hit the brake once! Hit the gas! Don't hit a bike! Don't hit a truck! Don't hit a construction worker! Don't hit a fucking fruit stand! Faster! Faster! Forrest! Run! Don't hit a red light! Move, motherfucker, move! Is this how you drive in Ghana? Toot your horn! That's what it's there for! Honk that motherfucker! Toot it like Stchmo playing "Potato Head Blues." You want to meet fucking Kunta Kinte?

Malcolm: It's exactly what I was talking about. When you behave like a dickhead, shit happens to you. You know what I mean? Like, cars drive faster, girls go to bed with you, all kinds of things. Nice guys finish last? Bullshit. They don't even finish. They're not even in the fucking race, let alone finishing last. They're not even in the race. No good deed goes unpunished. Perfect example.

Malcolm: You realize they're not spics though, right?gun dealer: Who's not a spic?Malcolm: Brazilians. They're Portuguese.gun dealer: What the fuck is a Portuguese?Malcolm: The point is that they're not Hispanic. So calling it a Spic-Gang Special is like calling Italians spics. Italian aren't spics, Portuguese aren't spics. Only Hispanics are spics.gun dealer: It's the Spic-Gang Special. It's a great name.Malcolm: Yeah, it's a great name. But it's incorrect.

Malcolm: You know, it's been a real while since I've really liked a girl like Sofia. I've always been really, I haven't really been very good with girls since school. Well, other than maybe with Alex, but she doesn't really count. It took me a while to call her, you know, like I'm usually really nervous of them but, you know, she came to this karaoke the other day, and she was just wasted, and she started doing all this singing. It's really funny 'cause she has one of the most tone deaf voices I've ever heard in the world, but she's always picking really difficult songs. And it was kind of endearing. Actually it was kind of amazing. She's so beautiful. To be honest, I'm pretty flabbergasted she went on a date with me. If she wasn't so beautiful, it probably wouldn't be so cute that she's so tone deaf, but, you know, beautiful people always get indulged.There's Olivia!

Malcolm: Clearly we have the wrong fucking flat. I don't know how this happened. I was pretty sure this was her window. The light came on. This is really annoying because nobody likes killing cripples. Anyone can kill a cripple. It's like killing a midget, or a child, you know? Anyone can do that. There's no art or skill to that. Also if this is the beginning of something, it's paramount that we get the people on our side. We're never going to get the people on our side if we start killing cripples? Nobody likes to see that, you know? It's like that poor little girl in Vietnam burning. Who wants to see that? Yeah, look at this stuff. One benefit about cripples is that they have the best drugs in the world. Much better than the fucking geriatirics. It's really good. Oh this is fucking great. Oh man, we really hit the jackpot with this one. Oh yeah, this is good. This is all good. She's like a walking pharmacy at the momo. Well, not walking exactly.

Malcolm: Okay, that's a fucking Dirty Harry death right there. You're a Dirty Harry girl, you get a Dirty Harry death. That's what you get for fucking giving me the clap, you old bitch! Oh, not old exactly. Teenager, in fact. Point being, I realized that we haven't really been sensational enough yet. We need to think bigger. Kill a celebrity, headline news. Go massacre a school dorm, instant Twitter pandemonium. Think about these Columbine kids, all right? They were just a little bit too early. You know what I mean? Like, think of the Internet back then. Oh my god, Almighty, slow, desperately slow. Deplorably slow. Atrociously slow. Timing is everything with something like this. Timing's paramount in fact. Imagine if those guys had waited for DSL. That would be something to behold. If the Columbine kids had waited for DSL, then we really would have seen some action. What are going to do? Take over the world with dial up modem? Pretty cool.

Malcolm: It's little wonder that we're novocained all the time. Strung out on reality TV, Internet, celebrities, gossip, pills, drugs, porn. Oh, God Almightly. That's how they beat us down. Not with fucking nightsticks. With consumerism, statistics, demographics, misinformation. Anything just as long as we don't demand any results. That's the point. After all, what do we care as long as there's no graffiti on the subways and we get our favorite TV show delivered to us. Don't underestimate the languidness of a comfortable pleb.

Dad: The problem is that culturally we've taken on this idea of consumerism to a point where it's now snowballed out of control. Everything is achievable and you don't even have to work to get it. That's what killing us.Malcolm: No, it's true. That and fact you don't seem to have to think to get anywhere.Dad: Or work.Malcolm: Teddy was saying the exact same thing last week. It's bit like 1984. Here we are with this euphoric entity, and we're all being led to the slaughter like pigs with rings in our noses.Bob: That's like Brave New World.Malcolm: What did I say?Bob: You called it 1984.Malcolm: Well, I meant Brave New World. They know what I meant.Dad: What do you think, Sofia?Sofia: Oh I don't know. I think people shape society and not the other way round. And I think people are pretty brutal at heart. So, I'm not sure I think anyone's keeping us in a state of euphoria. I think we're doing that to ourselves, because we don't really want to know what's beyond our comfortable lives. And I think there's no one to blame for that apart for ourselves.Malcolm: But aren't you the person that said being euphoric was bad?Sofia: No. I believe I said a little unease could go a long way into getting people to ask pertinent questions and getting things done. But that doesn't mean I don't believe in being compassionate. You know, that wouldn't be very Christian of me.Dad: Do you believe in God, Sofia?Sofia: Yes, I do.Dad: In spite of everything that we know?Sofia: Don't you believe in anything?Malcolm: No.Sofia: No?Malcolm: No.Sofia: Well, let me ask you this then. Or just, put this out there as something to contemplate. An idea.Malcolm: Yeah?Sofia: If I were God, and I gave man this intelligence and curiosity, I'd expect him sooner or later to come looking for me, you know, to discover the truth about me and about life. No?Malcolm: I don't know. Okay.Sofia: Okay. So, if you I were God, I'd probably want to remain undiscovered.Malcolm: If you say so.Sofia: You retain more power that way.Malcolm: Al right, fine. Okay.Sofia: Okay. So now, if I were God and I was trying to hide, I guess one of the best ways to do so would be to give false leads. So, at the moment of creation, I'd also create an awesome cover story. The illusion of evolution. I'd forge fossils and dinosaur remains. I'd create layers in the earth's rock and tropical planets and insects that must surely go back millions of years. I'd fabricate all the most intricate details for man to find that would not only make it seem possible, but likely that there was a world long before us. But the whole thing would only be a smoke screen. You know, a magnificent cover story to throw us off the scent. To fool us into believing that there's no God. Because only then would we stop looking for Him. But there an be no light without God, Malcolm. He knows your every hair on your head. Your every thought. Your every lie.

Malcolm: You need to be more philosophical about murdering people.

Alex: It's tight as ten-year-old's cunt back there. I can barely get a drink.Malcolm: What kind of an expression is that?Alex: Look, there's Kirsten Dunst. Try to get a shot of her.

Carl: Hey guys. Met Kirsten Dunst!

Vince: Things fall totally differently, like broccoli the vegetable is not the same as Broccoli the filmmaker.Alex: There's no "CH" in broccoli. It's not like bronchitis. I hate broccoli. The only reason I eat it is to support his family. I fucking Wikipedia the shit out of that right now, you troll.

Bpb: I consider myself in fucking jeopardy with you, man! Do you know that that means? In jeopardy with you. And you have lost all touch with reality.Malcolm: This has nothing to do with our manifesto.Bpb: Our manifesto? What manifesto? What are you fucking talking about? That's fucking bullshit. I may as well burn all the tapes. You're a fucking menace. And you've been a menage ever since you fucking started dating that bitch. Yeah, you killed Alex, then you killed Vince. And now, you're going to let these assholes go after they've seen our face? They fucking know our names, man. What happened to your fucking rules?Malcolm: Don't talk to me about fucking rules, Bob. All right? I wrote the fucking rules. This doesn't concern you, okay?Bpb: It concerns me when these people go to the cops, right? They go to the cops, and that's how guys like me get caught. 'Cause dickheads like you are careless, and they let the people who they have abducted go free. That's it. It's that simple. Are you listening to me?Malcolm: Yeah, I'm listening.Bpb: Yeah, we're cracking up! Project's over. Okay? And I'm burning the tapes.Malcolm: You know what your fucking problem is, Bob?Bpb: I don't have a problem.Malcolm: Yeah, you do. You don't watch nearly enough Sam Fuller movies!

Malcolm: I think I made a mistake. Killing Bob that way. I should have waited anyway. I have no idea how to edit in Final Cut. And Ryan, who claimed he knew what he was doing, has no idea, either. I mean, the logistical problems are unbelievable. So much footage. My God Almighty, he shot so much footage. Another problem is that Alex seems to have popped up. Literally. In the Hudson. That's a fucking pain. That's really put my ass against the wall. Specially if I'm trying to finish this thing. The other day I went down to Niagara. I sat at the bar, and I watched all these people going past, trumped up and peacocking around. I couldn't believe that these are the people that one day will get to legislate, you know. All these rich kids, these privileged children. I actually started to feel sick. I'm not normally this classist, but I actually started to feel sick. But then it came to me. Clearly for the first time, I saw how to strike at this movement on its head. How to ignite it, shock and awe. The only thing these people will understand. A public service announcement. With guns.

Malcolm: Except this whole Travis Bickle/John Hinkley Jr. thing doesn't sit well with me. I mean, let's face it. I know she's a two-time Oscar winner, but if you going to go on a fucking killing rampage just for Jodie Foster, I think you got a couple of screws loose. I'm trying to do something a little bigger here. A little vision. That's one thing they certainly didn't have, is any vision, you know what I mean? Oh, teach her right, I suppse.

Gold: What's wrong with Disneyland? That's where I want to go to take my kids. I love Disneyland. I think having it be a family fun place that is entertaining, that is bright, that is colorful, that it's patriotic, that's what the city should be. There's nothing wrong with having it be clean and family focused. I think that's appropriate. But do I miss the 70s? Do I miss bell bottoms? Is that what you're asking me? No, I don't look good in bell bottoms. Never did.

Malcolm: Dude, Gold just got shot!a movie lover guy: Yeah, somebody tweeted it about ten minutes ago. So what? I'm in a movie now.Malcolm: You're in a... Carl, let me just call you back, all right? You're in a movie. This movie's terrible.a movie lover guy: I don't care.Malcolm: Gold just got shot. You don't care? What's the matter with you?a movie lover guy: Do you have any idea how hard it is to make a movie these days with the economy and the corporatins? Everybody checking everything, everybody giving you notes. Every movie that gets made is a fucking mini-miracle is what it is. Stop your fucking social life when you're in here. And give these people some goddamn courtersy.Malcolm: You know what? Wait a second here. I'm gonna deal with you in a second, all right? Carl?[gunshot]a movie lover guy: Have some respect for cinema.[gunshot]