Blog Archives

My power of attorney is done. My will is done. Am I ready to die? I’m not planning on it, but you never know. I could go to a doctor for some reason, and he or she could kill me—accidentally of course. Or I could get hit by a truck delivering health food. Or I could perform standup comedy and die on stage. Who knows?

Death fascinates me. I love walking through cemeteries, reading the residents’ tombstones, and reflecting on their lives. What were their concerns? What made them happy? What made them sad? Did they know that a tombstone would grow after they were planted? Did they know that one day, long after they were gone, someone would be reflecting on their lives?

I want to be planted so a tombstone will grow. I like the idea of someone reflecting on my life long after I am gone.

When I was in my teens, I played with a Ouija board. The Ouija board said that I would die during the first week of August in 2018. If the Ouija board is right, then I have just over a year left. Am I worried? Not yet, but ask me again on July 31, 2018.

Every family has one. Every family has a relative who shows up after a death looking for loot not mentioned in a will.

When we were going through our parents’ possessions, I discovered that Mom had conversations with Jeannie, my sister, about everything that was of any value. Whenever we came across something valuable Jeannie said, “Maw said that she wanted me to have this. She told me that she wanted me to have this.” How odd that Mom never had these conversations with me, my brother or my other sister.

There was some stuff I wanted, but I was not about to become a seagull fighting with another seagull over a piece of bread.

A friend told me about her cousin Agnes who was greedy and always showing up after someone died to see what she could get.

“It was a family joke,” said my friend, “that you’re close to dying if Agnes showed up at your place. Like your sister, Agnes always had conversations with the deceased over property not mentioned in the will.

“After my father died, we said that there was a box of jewellery that wasn’t mentioned in Dad’s will and that we could not find. Sure enough Agnes showed up. ‘When you find it,’ she said, ‘your father told me that he wanted to have that box of jewellery.’

‘Are you sure?’ I asked Agnes.

‘Oh yes,’ she said. ‘Your father knew about my jewellery collection and told me that he wanted me to have that box.’

“That was the last time Agnes showed up at a dead relatives looking for loot,” said my friend. “We told her that we made up the box of jewellery to show how greedy she was. You should have seen the look on her face!”