Pooping dogs and playdoh.

This weekend tested my patience in every way possible.

My mother in law bought my step daughter a pooping barbie dog for Christmas. Yes folks, a pooping dog. Barbie, being oh-so-politically-correct comes equipped with a handy dandy magnetic pooper scooper in which to pick up said magnetic poop.

Christ.

What has this world come to? Approximately 4 and a half seconds upon opening the package, the poop was lost. I powered through the anger boiling inside of me, she is only 4, she loses things, alot.

Saturday morning I walked into her room to witness her innocentely eating a lollipop. Problem is, food and drink have been STRICTLY prohibited on areas that are covered in cream colored carpet. There was a particular incident that involved a large cup of grape juice and a particulary and embarrasingly angry me.

It still makes my hingey cringe. I’m sorry Baby Jesus.

Me: “Leakerface, where did you get that sucker?”

Her: “Nowhere.” (mind you, she gets in *MAYJAH* trouble when she lies)

Me: “Where did you get the sucker?”

Her: “From my closet.”

I walk to the closet to find a bag of 3 YEAR OLD Halloween candy wrappers and a few rogue pieces of uneaten candy.

Me: “Who ate all this candy?”

Her: “Me and Katelyn.”

I literally almost lost my shit. I had to take my butt downstairs to avoid an incident which would have resulted in me yelling, alot and her crying, alot.

She was sent to the corner and the remainder of the candy was sent to the trash. Don’t think I didn’t think about eating it. If it wasn’t rubbish, I probably would have.

Sunday afternoon saw an explosion of neon colored playdoh in which said playdoh was ground into cream colored carpet and left to dry. My bloodpressure is rising as we speak.

Unlike many other times where I could cushion my anger with a bag of Doritos I had to just getthefuckoverit. I said to myself quite often, “she is only 4, she is only 4, she is only 4.”

Oh and, I smoked alot of cigarettes. Leave me alone, it’s my thing. I’m working on one thing at a time.

I had one mayjah slip up this weekend that found me diving headfirst into a bowl of homeade chuy’s creamy Jalapeno dip. It’s heaven in a bowl. Honest. It may possibly be the best thing I’ve ever experienced. I contemplated using it as salad dressing last night but, that would just be gross. Right? Tell me it would be gross.