I’ve got another Girl’s Weekend coming up the end of July so while I was in TJMaxx this morning doing errands, (I was. I was at the cobbler’s next door dropping off an alligator bag and some Lily sandals. Truth.), I thought maybe I would look for a cute, black bathing suit, one that might cover up a multitude of sins. Big, BIG mistake. I am a barrel. A great, big, snowy-white barrel. You know, you think you hit rock bottom but you really haven’t. Not when you’re still thinking about that outrageous cupcake you so delicately scarfed down last night. It was bad, people. The only reason I didn’t throw myself down on the dust-bunny covered linoleum dressing room floor was that my legs still look pretty good. Small consolation but I’ll take it. And I thought, “That’s it. No more. You’re done. You know what you have to do.” And I do. I was raised in an almost completely vegetarian household. I’m perfectly aware of what I should and should not be eating. I’ve just not been paying heed to my “little voice”. The “little voice” that continually reminds me that I weigh AT LEAST 20 POUNDS more than MY FATHER. Ugh. It’s all so unfair. So back to loads of salads and vegetables, raw and grilled fruits and lean, mean proteins. Clean, boneless, brainless chicken breasts, preferably organic, need to be at hand at all times; either grilled or poached. That always makes a salad better. I’ll even make wraps with it using romaine or leaf lettuce instead of a tortilla. Grilled shrimp and wild salmon, none of that fatty farm raised stuff. I told myself driving home that it was GOOD I didn’t find a bathing suit this morning. I have two beautiful, sexy La Biancas at home and there’s not one damn thing wrong with them. It’s me that’s got the problem. I have to tell you after I yanked and pulled and tugged to get the TJMaxx bathing suit on I was exhausted. I turned and looked sideways at myself in the full length mirror. How did I get here? My shoulders slumped down, I let my spine curve and allowed my stomach to become COMPLETELY distended. Oh, sweet Jesus. I looked like Fred Mertz from the “I Love Lucy” show. Well, Fred Mertz in drag. Not a pretty picture and no one’s fault but my own. So. Taking the bull by the horns I came home to a kale salad and watermelon for lunch. This afternoon my snack will be all the Greek mountain tea my heart desires. Right now I’m on cup number two. Sweetened with Stevia and completely caffeine free this will jump-start my weight loss. And dinner will be this salad – strawberry, arugula and feta with a drizzle of a balsamic vinegar reduction, a LIGHT scattering of toasted almond slices, a few chunks of good, Greek feta tucked in, all topped with a piece of roasted chicken. And yes, I will rip that luscious, crispy piece of heaven off, known as the skin of roasted chicken, and lickety-split deposit it in the garbage can underneath, I don’t know…coffee grounds or something. I’m able to do that because this salad will satisfy me. Aesthetically and physically. Every girl loves shiny, scarlet berries sitting atop arugula, toasted almond slices and the rich purple of reduced balsamic vinegar. Crown it with blackened or grilled chicken, fish or shrimp and most ladies will be quite happy especially if accompanied by a glass of wine in one hand and an enormous Tory Burch or Michael Kors shopping bag at their feet. When I finish writing today I’ll go to the market for my salad ingredients and a whole watermelon. Tomorrow, hell, tonight, when I want to tuck into another of those smokin’ cupcakes I made I’ll have sweet, cold watermelon already cut up, protecting me from the evils of Fudgy Cupcakes with Orange Cardamom Cream Cheese Icing. The photos have already been taken for the next post so I don’t even have to look at them. And although I’ve succumbed to the temptation of those little cakes I’m stronger now. Nudity will do that to you. But in two weeks? Look out, girls, ‘cuz I’m ‘a crunch those bathing suits!