A new public health report places Mississippi yet again at the top of the lard heap, with a 34% adult obesity rate. That's a lotta fat people! The lowest obesity rate in the country? Colorado's 19%.

Yeah... A fifth of the adult population being obese is still kind of a lot of people! Pretty scary stuff. But the truly scariest thing is how these numbers are rising. As one concerned public health official puts it, "Today, the state with the lowest adult obesity rate would have had the highest rate in 1995." Woof. And then, of course, there's this:

Adults from racial and ethnic minority groups, as well as those with less education and lower incomes, continue to have the highest overall obesity rates.

So that ought to shake off the last vestige of leftover Fourth of July pride.

Though on the bright side, pretty soon everyone in America will be fat so there won't really be anything to worry about anymore. We'll just be a bunch of fat people sleeping on beds of cheeseburgers while visions of restaurant menu food photography dance through our heads. And then we'll all die early so Medicare costs will be so much lower. A new greasy utopia!