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The Justice Insider will admit that listening to police scanners is an acquired taste.

Tune in regularly, though, and a strange new world opens up, narrated by a cast of emergency
responders who rely upon enough turns of phrase to fill a year’s worth of columns.

Today’s installment: “chief complaints.”

We’re not talking about the gripes of divisional top dogs here, but rather the chief complaints
that are reported to hospital emergency rooms by inbound paramedics. Also known as a CC, the chief
complaint is the primary reason a patient is seeking medical care.

On Saturday night, for example, a patient was complaining of injuries from gunshots and related
shrapnel after being shot with what police believed was an AK-47.

Here’s what we’re wondering. The term “chief complaint” seems to suggest that the patient has
other complaints, as well. What might those be when you’ve been shot repeatedly with an AK-47? And
is it really the time to bring them up?

• • •

In March, the Insider explained what it meant when paramedics described their patient as “alert
and oriented, times three,” which means they know who they are, where they are and when it is.

Last week, the Insider heard “alert and oriented, times four” and had to look it up.

It turns out that
four means you are aware of what just happened. Using our earlier example, our patient
might answer that he is John Doe, he is in Columbus, it is Saturday night, and he has been shot
with an AK-47.

• • •

I realize that in a sudden emergency I am but a poor clumsy liar — Mark Twain

Police officers spend much of their time at sudden emergencies. As a result, they spend much of
their time talking to poor clumsy liars. Consider a recent encounter between Hilliard police and a
resident.

Officers were called on April 26 to a house that an SUV had crashed into. No one was hurt, but
the damage to the vehicle and the house was considerable, according to police.

The owner of the SUV told police it had been stolen from a parking lot at Port Columbus. The
Hilliard Division of Police, which recounted the tale quite well on Facebook on May 3, can take it
from there:

“Officers quickly noted that the vehicle owner lived directly next door to where the crash had
occurred,” the Facebook post read. “What are the odds? A thief steals a car at the airport, drives
20 miles and just by chance abandons the stolen car next door to where the owner lives. What a
considerate thief ... ”

The resident’s story “quickly fell apart” under questioning, police said. He was charged with
making a false report to law enforcement.