John S. Dykes

Best New Gift Ideas for 2014

DECEMBER 23, 2014

Here is your Holiday Shopping Catalog Collection Featuring the Best New Gift Ideas for 2014. I know there are a lot of last minute shoppers out here - and I like to help out in any way I can. They have great customer service and free shipping. Such a great resource.

THE WALK-ON-AIR SHORTWAVE RADIO SLIDES.
These are the indoor/outdoor slides that pull in low-frequency experimental communications - from Chicago to Chittaurgarh - while allowing the feet to rest on a cushion of air. Listen to civilian aircraft radio transmissions while shuffling through the breezeway and never get caught out of the loop again.
$79.99

THE ROYAL NAVY MUD BUTTON DUFFLE COAT.
Handmade be Felix Petit, former apparel supplier to Her Majesty’s Armed Forces since, like, 1890, this is as close as you can get to the genuine Royal Navy Duffle. Oversized pockets on the sides - and shoulders - provide ample storage for survival gear that commuters need. Our buffalo horn toggles have been updated and redesigned, replaced with hand selected, eco-friendly kiln-dried Canadian mud - creating a toggle shaped button ensuring a 100% organic, animal friendly coat closure.
$699.99

THE VOICE CLARIFYING TYRANNOSAURUS HEAD AMPLIFIER
This digital earpiece amplifies, clarifies, and gets the attention you need, seek and deserve. An advanced microchip amplifies human speech frequencies above background noise. T-Rex’s eyes flash neon red as he lets out a hearty roar every 10 minutes to keep you and those nearby on their toes and fully aware of his totally non-extinct presence.
$9.99 / pair

THE MEGA PULL CORD CORDLESS READING LAMP
This is the rechargeable reading lamp that provides bright light anywhere. We removed the power cord, but quadrupled the pull cord making it as big as a garden hose and easy to grab from any position. It’s the most massive on-off pull cord for a cordless lamp allowed by law. Switch to the On-the-Road® setting and light changes intermittently from green, to yellow, to red, giving a unique traffic urgency characteristic, which many readers find relaxing.
$57.99

THE JITTER PILLOW.
Using patented technologies developed from NASA to help keep astronauts awake in space, this is the pillow that will jolt you out of the sleepiest daze. Millions of microcapsules inside are programmed to burst alive and vibrate when the main microprocessor senses you dozing into a dream state. If you don’t want to waste your life sleeping, this is the hypoallergenic spiral-crimped solution you’ve been dreaming about.
$199.99

THE LOW IMPACT KARDASHIAN FOLDAWAY SHAPER STRIDER.
This is the exercise strider that provides a cardiovascular workout thats gentle on the joints yet buns bustin’ bitchin’ when it comes to the situation ‘round back. Designed by former olympian Bruce Jenner while performing community service in the Santa Barbara Elks Club annual retreat, this little unit folds conveniently under a bed or into a closet so when weeks roll by unused, it won’t take up valuable space for your other exercise equipment.
$229.95

THE WORLD’S SMALLEST AUTOMATIC UMBRELLA.
Carried inconspicuously in your favorite polyester slacks or woolen trouser pockets, this is the smallest umbrella available. Only 6” long when closed, the umbrella instantly deploys its generous 14” canopy with the push of a button. When used with our COLOSSAL COLLAR MAN JACKET OF SUEDE, you’ll be raindrop free through most storms that would have the audacity to come blowing your way.
$29.95

THE SOCK.
Just a sock. A white sock.
$29.99 / pair or $19.99 each

DELUXE FACE PEARS
Premium fruit, 100% organically grown, then genetically modified and expertly manipulated by our team of eager horticultural designers to enable each pear to magically produce a unique face image - just at their peak of delicious ripeness. See a face? You know it is time to snack.
6 / $29.95

BABY’S LITTLE ANGRY LAMB SLEEP SOUND PLUSH.
Winner of the Parent’s Best Award for Creativity in the Bedroom, this little lamb teddy encourages your infant to close their tiny eyes and sleep. Our research has shown that young ones would rather sleep than look at an angry lamb face. This unique teddy generates 56 different sounds to lull infants to sleep - and keep ‘em there! Gentile versions of some of rock and country’s favorites like Smoke On The Water, Hell’s Bells, Cat Scratch Fever, and, How Can I Miss You if You Won’t Go Away, are sure bets when it comes to lullabies for the little ones.