An Authentic, Sometimes Gritty, and Always Hopeful Blog for All Who Live with Severe Physical Pain

Thursday, September 27, 2012

My Dream-Keeper Lord

Yesterday, I woke up in the most amazing way...

A little girl had climbed up on my bed, slipping quietly under my covers. The soft swish of air as the covers lifted, drew my brain up from the depths of its lazy dreams. I lied still while she smoothed my hair away with her chubby little fingers. Speaking softly, her lips feeling like angel kisses against my cheek, she whispered, "Mimi, are you awake?"

Turning towards her, I wrapped her up in my arms, telling her I was the luckiest Mimi in the world to be awoken in such a way. My little cherub then told me to stay where I was, then she slipped out of bed returned less than a minute later, her arms spilling with books. Tangled up together on the covers, we read book after book in the soft morning light, while the rest of the house slept.

Later, still snuggled together under my covers, the door to the room opened, revealing my just-turned-21 year old daughter, her eyes full of sleep.

"I dreamed you had already left!" she said, relief flooding into her voice, "I'm so glad you are still here!"

"Oh, you precious girl! Yes, I'll stay until you go to work. Go back to bed for a while."

Might my heart burst from the explosion of joy it was feeling?! My daughter who had just recently moved into the basement apartment of my son's home, spoke these words of love? Our journey together as mom and daughter hasn't been easy. Her words meant more than I can I have the vocabulary to express...particularly as I am crying with tears of joyful memory as I type this.

The constant awful pain which burns and pulls at me, moved deeply into the recesses of my mind as my heart overflowed with love and a deep sense of blessedness.

Because of my illness, I've secretly wondered if I would be able to enjoy any grandchildren that might come some day. I figured my children would wait until later to become married and was surprised (and thrilled) that my oldest was married before age 25 and became a father just two years later. I became the first grandmother on my street, and still am!

My dreams grow ever closer as I had given the relationship with my daughter up to the workings of God's will long ago; I hadn't dared thought about having a good relationship with her for a loooong time because it simply hurt too much.

The Lord will provide for us all beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.

3 comments:

Judi-such a beautiful posting!! You are a MIMI!!! So amazing to hear that name--my dear friend's Mom is called that by her grandchildren and I swear, the sound of hearing them call her MIMI--it is so precious and ripples through the air, filled with the love this special lady has.

I am so happy to hear of your re-connection with your child. Sometimes there are wonderful endings to conflicts--and yet there are some in which the pain has caused such damage-the Wound so deep, well all that can be done is give it all to God, and do your best to Not Look back.

Something tells me you are wise enough to read "between the words" of my comments. God bless you for simply being YOU-a wonderful creation of God. I pray you find a few moments of relief with your Pain.