10 Ways to Make a Good Marriage Great

Easy to implement, insightful tips.

1. Spend time together
Even ten minutes a day of uninterrupted time to touch base builds connection. Spending more time when available and setting aside time to be together (e.g., date nights) are just as important. The key is being present, focusing only on the person in front of you, to the exclusion of all other distractions. This builds connection and closeness.

2. Listen and support each other
It is essential to learn how to actively listen to each other and express support for your spouse’s day-today life issues, no matter how small and mundane.

3. Express gratitude
Remember to say “thank you” for the little things you often take for granted. Even though you expect your spouse to take out the garbage, cook dinner, and pick up the dry cleaning, it is important to express your appreciation as often as possible. If you would do it for a stranger, why not for your spouse? Expressing gratitude increases the positive feelings you will have regarding your relationship.

4. Be kind to each other
Express compassion and understanding. Learn to listen to your spouse’s pain, validate it and help her stay strong. This is a special kindness that helps your spouse feel that she is not alone. Show your concern by doing the little things that your spouse will appreciate. Go beyond the call of duty and help your spouse without letting her know. Do the things that only you will know are meaningful and appreciated by your spouse.

5. Respond to your spouse
Never ignore even seemingly trivial conversation with your spouse. Giving each other the gift of attention shows that your partner is important to you.

6. Be influenced
Don’t be afraid to listen to your spouse and change your ideas or opinions on issues big and small. Insisting on your way may feel right at the moment, but that is not healthy for a marriage. Be open to what is important to your spouse. Being right has little value in marriage; making your spouse happy is what counts.

7. Argue respectfully
Conflict is ubiquitous in relationships, not a sign of trouble. How you argue is the key. You don’t have to yell to be heard. Criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling destroy marriages. Address the issue, don’t attack the person. Don’t overreact if your spouse is upset; he is probably looking for support, not a fight. If you find yourself being contemptuous of your spouse, it’s time to recall all the positive things about your relationship. If you’re too upset to talk about it at that moment, make a time to continue the conversation; don’t just walk away. Arguing is better than no communication.

8. Make up
Practice and learn how to fix things during and after a fight. “Love is never being afraid to say I’m sorry.” Using humor, changing the subject and avoiding sensitive issues are all expressions of your concern about the relationship and making sure arguments don’t damage it. Remember, kindness counts.

9. Create rituals
Create times that are touchstones of your relationship to help keep it healthy—whether it’s bike riding Sunday mornings or going to Starbucks every Thursday night. Couples connect to each other by engaging in rituals, by sharing purposeful activities together.

10. Shared meaning
Doing meaningful things together makes your relationship more special. You and your spouse should get involved in a chesed activity that you both are passionate about. Volunteer to work with developmentally disabled youth or visit the lonely people at the local nursing home. Be adventurous. You’ll both benefit from the experience, and your relationship will blossom.

Can't agree more with comment 2. Sure, everyone wants to be treated with respect. But the above is really what women (and feminized men) want out of a relationship.

If any women actually care about improving all aspects of their husband's life (and in turn their marriage, because a truly happy man is guaranteed to treat his wife like a queen), just follow these simple ten steps:

This is a great article,i will start to practice it.Especialy kindness, forgiveness and small presents.My marriage is on the edg and sinking.Thanks mam

(11)
Anonymous,
November 2, 2012 2:23 AM

starting out

Im grateful for the article as i prepare for my wedding. Im marrying my best friend.

(10)
Anonymous,
May 3, 2012 4:43 AM

Awesome and Faithful.

After standing for my marriage and many false starts home, my husband is back. He moved home suddenly and quietly. He also stopped the divorce that was scheduled. All this happen through the help of Dr Ode - I owe you everything and i am still in awe of how you work. Cindy

(9)
Bongisa,
December 7, 2011 11:51 AM

Commitment to our marriage

Love, caring, appreciation, romantic, forgiveness are some of essential signs that shows signs of commitment to your marriage. We all make mistakes al the time, but that doesn't mean we are not commitment to one other. Life is too short , we should not waste time for no reason practise practise makes perfect. regulary communication is the key to a successfully marriage. Never waste time on negativities rather waste it on the positive direction.

(8)
lilang,
June 30, 2011 2:03 AM

I really like the article i think it's going to help my marriage. I am printing this article, and hanging it on my wall. :)

(7)
Anonymous,
February 28, 2011 5:44 PM

Reply to comment #2 and to the author

It is clear that the article is for both spouses, not just the wife. As the title states it, "10 ways to make a good marriage great". Who ever thinks that it takes only one to make things work is in deep trouble.
To the author of this article ... thank you for such a great article. Kindness goes a long way and in my opinion, it is something one can use to not only show but also gain respect.

(6)
toma,
February 26, 2011 12:41 AM

love ,communication is solve every thing

love is ahuge bridge to be in save, that makes u carrying out every thing ,but love always needs support from each other.so for good life you must keep that compassion, kindness, communication, save solid base of love
u get alot when u give better, u get better

(5)
Anonymous,
February 12, 2011 10:10 PM

A wise decision

Recently I took my wife to a fancy expensive vacation, as during the working year with everyday routines and stresses at one time we almost found difficult to talk to each other. We enjoyed our vacation a lot and got closer, Now I recognize what a wise decision I made and how well invested was that money for my marriage

(4)
Sedie,
February 11, 2011 5:59 PM

It's Work & Work

Thank U for very much for the good Adv.
lSedie

(3)
yael,
February 8, 2011 11:01 AM

goes both ways

its a given that it goes both ways.

(2)
Anonymous,
February 7, 2011 4:38 PM

why only men

i only see advice for men let me see some advice for women how to be a good wife!!!

(1)
Tonna,
February 6, 2011 2:58 PM

one more thing...

Might I add one more thing...laugh! This is one of the three things I asked my oldest daughter when she was becoming engaged to my, now, son-in-law...does he make you laugh? Also, do you respect eachother? And last...would he take up for you, be supportive of and be there for you? Okay, that was three things, sorry...but, for me they are three very important things in a relationship...they can make all the difference in the world! Thank you...Tonna

I live in rural Montana where the Cholov Yisrael milk is difficult to obtain and very expensive. So I drink regular milk. What is your view on this?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Jewish law requires that there be rabbinic supervision during the milking process to ensure that the milk comes from a kosher animal. In the United States, many people rely on the Department of Agriculture's regulations and controls as sufficiently stringent to fulfill the rabbinic requirement for supervision.

Most of the major Kashrut organizations in the United States rely on this as well. You will therefore find many kosher products in America certified with a 'D' next to the kosher symbol. Such products – unless otherwise specified on the label – are not Cholov Yisrael and are assumed kosher based on the DOA's guarantee.

There are many, however, do not rely on this, and will eat only dairy products that are designated as Cholov Yisrael (literally, "Jewish milk"). This is particularly true in large Jewish communities, where Cholov Yisrael is widely available.

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein wrote that under limited conditions, such as an institution which consumes a lot of milk and Cholov Yisrael is generally unavailable or especially expensive, American milk is acceptable, as the government supervision is adequate to prevent non-kosher ingredients from being added.

It should be added that the above only applies to milk itself, which is marketed as pure cow's milk. All other dairy products, such as cheeses and butter, may contain non-kosher ingredients and always require kosher certification. In addition, Rabbi Feinstein's ruling applies only in the United States, where government regulations are considered reliable. In other parts of the world, including Europe, Cholov Yisrael is a requirement.

There are additional esoteric reasons for being stringent regarding Cholov Yisrael, and because of this it is generally advisable to consume only Cholov Yisroel dairy foods.

In 1889, 800 Jews arrived in Buenos Aires, marking the birth of the modern Jewish community in Argentina. These immigrants were fleeing poverty and pogroms in Russia, and moved to Argentina because of its open door policy of immigration. By 1920, more than 150,000 Jews were living in Argentina. Juan Peron's rise to power in 1946 was an ominous sign, as he was a Nazi sympathizer with fascist leanings. Peron halted Jewish immigration to Argentina, introduced mandatory Catholic religious instruction in public schools, and allowed Argentina to become a haven for fleeing Nazis. (In 1960, Israeli agents abducted Adolf Eichmann from a Buenos Aires suburb.) Today, Argentina has the largest Jewish community in Latin America with 250,000, though terror attacks have prompted many young people to emigrate. In 1992, the Israeli Embassy in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 32 people. In 1994, the Jewish community headquarters in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 85 people. The perpetrators have never been apprehended.

Be aware of what situations and behaviors give you pleasure. When you feel excessively sad and cannot change your attitude, make a conscious effort to take some action that might alleviate your sadness.

If you anticipate feeling sad, prepare a list of things that might make you feel better. It could be talking to a specific enthusiastic individual, running, taking a walk in a quiet area, looking at pictures of family, listening to music, or reading inspiring words.

While our attitude is a major factor in sadness, lack of positive external situations and events play an important role in how we feel.

[If a criminal has been executed by hanging] his body may not remain suspended overnight ... because it is an insult to God (Deuteronomy 21:23).

Rashi explains that since man was created in the image of God, anything that disparages man is disparaging God as well.

Chilul Hashem, bringing disgrace to the Divine Name, is one of the greatest sins in the Torah. The opposite of chilul Hashem is kiddush Hashem, sanctifying the Divine Name. While this topic has several dimensions to it, there is a living kiddush Hashem which occurs when a Jew behaves in a manner that merits the respect and admiration of other people, who thereby respect the Torah of Israel.

What is chilul Hashem? One Talmudic author stated, "It is when I buy meat from the butcher and delay paying him" (Yoma 86a). To cause someone to say that a Torah scholar is anything less than scrupulous in meeting his obligations is to cause people to lose respect for the Torah.

Suppose someone offers us a business deal of questionable legality. Is the personal gain worth the possible dishonor that we bring not only upon ourselves, but on our nation? If our personal reputation is ours to handle in whatever way we please, shouldn't we handle the reputation of our nation and the God we represent with maximum care?

Jews have given so much, even their lives, for kiddush Hashem. Can we not forego a few dollars to avoid chilul Hashem?

Today I shall...

be scrupulous in all my transactions and relationships to avoid the possibility of bringing dishonor to my God and people.

With stories and insights,
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