Hello, I call myself justacritic, and within the past week I discovered the webcomic named Housepets. I wish I found out about it much earlier but there's no changing the past I suppose. Now I've been bit with the urge to write fanfiction. And so far I should state that the universe of Housepets belongs to Rick Griffin, some of his characters might appear in later chapters and credit and copyright is given to where it is due. And so here comes a tale for your (hopefully) enjoyment. Please critique thank you.

****SCREEEEEEEEEECH!!!!!!!!!!*****The oncoming headlights, the impact, the approaching chill, and then the loss of consciousness, those were the last things that he remembered. What had escaped his mind was, who was this doing the remembering? “Mom! Dad! He woke up!” This came from bright yellow Labrador who was standing on two legs. “Are you alright? Our car crashed into you and you’ve haven’t woken up for three days.” He was only met with a blank stare. “Helloooo?” A paw was waved in front of the newcomer’s face but there was no reaction. Okay, there’s a dog, he’s walking, and he’s talking to me. “I must be hallucinating, dogs don’t talk.” “Ummm, did you hit your head?” The Labrador asked. “Probably, figment of my imagination, I’m just going to go back to sleep and everything will alright when I wake up.” He moved to pull the covers over his head and stopped. What he was using to pull on the blankets were paws, now that he was able to take in everything, he saw that he was in a basket, the Labrador was taller than him, but what was the last straw was when he caught sight of a mirror. In the reflection was a dog that mimicked his every movement. There was a rather nervous laugh and then he fainted. “Biscuit? Did he wake up?” A woman came in with another dog in shades of light brown and yellow and a cat that was orange. Both cat and dog were holding on to the woman’s legs. “Yeah mom, he said some weird things and then fainted.” He gestured to the unconscious dog in the basket. The dog named Biscuit shrugged and said. “I don’t think he’s alright though, he must have hit his head hard mom.” “Mom! Mom! Mom! Can’t we keep him? I’ve always wanted a younger brother!” The slightly brown dog bounced on the woman’s leg with a look of cheerful hope. “We saw he doesn’t have a collar, he probably doesn’t have any parents. Can’t he live with us?” “Now Cookie, while both your father and I always wanted another child in our family, shouldn’t we ask the poor boy? After all he might have just lost his collar.” Mom ruffled Cookie’s hair and went back upstairs to the living room. “Sorry squirt” The cat smiled and bumped Cookie’s head. “But you’ll always be our little baby brother to us.” He followed his mother back up the stairs as well. “Oh come on Monty don’t tease Cookie too much.” Biscuit said and ushered his brother out of the basement up the stairs. “It will be fun to have another brother around, but right now he’s out of it so let’s leave him alone for now.” The Labrador closed the door behind him leaving the unconscious dog in darkness.-------------------------------------------------------------------------- That same unconscious dog woke up in the morning, in a slow laborious process. The early morning grogginess soon gave to way to sudden horrible recollection. He looked down then up. After that he slowly gazed back down on the sight of his entire body. It wasn’t too bad; he still had all his limbs and various body parts, the only problem was that they belonged to a different species. Okay then, either I must be going crazy, or… okay I must have gone insane.What happened? He remembered taking a walk on the street at night and then it started to rain. Maybe running onto the crosswalk wasn’t the best idea but he didn’t have an umbrella. Then came the screech of tires and that was the limit of his memory of past events. “Hello!” A brown dog bounced beside him. “You’re awake now right? I’m Cookie! You’ve met my brother Biscuit yesterday. What’s your name? Do you have an owner? If you don’t could you please live with us? I’ve always wanted a younger brother! Please, please, please?” The dog gave a pitiful puppy dog eyes stare, sweet enough to satisfy the sugar cravings of a horde of rabid kids. “I don’t have an owner, I am actually a…” But his voice choked off and when he tried to state his name he came upon another problem. He couldn’t think about it, he could remember having a name in the first place, but what it was and everything else, from the letters, the order and even his last name eluded him. In short it was annoying. “Mom! Mom! He’s a stray, he doesn’t have anybody can’t he live with us?” Cookie pleaded to the woman that had just come down the stairs. “Now, now Cookie” the woman patted the dog on the head. “ You’ll have to forgive Cookie, he’s been the youngest in our family for so long. Are you alright? I’m Mrs. Sweet. The vet couldn’t tell us if you would ever wake up.” “No I’m fine Miss.” As fine as any other person who just woke up to find that now he’s a different species. “I’m a little confused though, what happened?” The woman’s face took on a concerned look. “Well, we were coming back home from grocery shopping, when there was a huge downpour. It came out of nowhere, and the news said that it was a freak rainstorm. My husband slowed down the car and turned on the high beams so we don’t understand too well how we managed to hit you. I don’t suppose you live around here?”I’m in a place where cats and dogs talk and walk on two legs, I must be a long way from home then. “No, I don’t live anywhere near here.” The confused dog replied. “Well do you have an owner then? We couldn’t see any collar on your neck.” Mrs. Sweet said, when this was replied by a shake of the head she smiled. “You could live with us then, we’ve thought about adopting one more child but we’ve haven’t found our kids liked yet.” “Come on please, won’t you come live with us?” Cookie pleaded, “Even Monty doesn’t really dislike you.” Pointing to the orange cat that was rolling his eyes. “It’s your decision” said the dog named Biscuit “We’ll help you even if you don’t want to live with us.” The stares of this family gazing at him, one who couldn’t remember his own name was unsettling. Considering all the options that were available, there weren’t many. He was in a strange place, operating by different rules, and in an entirely different body. Probably the only other alternative was to go to a pound… not an enjoyable prospect. “Okay then, I’ll live with you, if you’ll have me.” “Yay! You’ll be my new brother then! You’re going to love it here in Avalon Hills!” Cookie hugged the basket ridden dog much to his shock. Mrs. Sweet smiled “I’ll have to fill out some paperwork first but welcome to the Sweet family.” As Biscuit and Mont came up to congratulate the newest addition to the family, there was only one thought in his mind. Life just got a little more interesting…To be ContinuedEdit:Changed the title, this might work for now 2-3-2012

Last edited by justacritic on Fri Feb 03, 2012 2:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Was this your first Fanfic, or your first Housepets related fanfic, because you seem to be good at writing.

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Sat Jan 28, 2012 1:18 am

valerio

Game Master

Joined: Mon May 25, 2009 6:53 amPosts: 15686Location: Italy

Re: A Housepets fanfic (pending a better title)

hmm, considering the particular theme, this would deserve a...less short piece, but it's a nice start

_________________

Sat Jan 28, 2012 2:07 am

justacritic

Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2012 8:23 pmPosts: 151

Re: A Housepets fanfic (pending a better title)

JeffCvt wrote:

Was this your first Fanfic, or your first Housepets related fanfic, because you seem to be good at writing.

Actually this isn't my first fanfic, but learning how to write properly so one may inform another, tends to stick in a person's mind. Also I believe fanfics are a form of literature and as such should be properly treated as such.

valerio wrote:

hmm, considering the particular theme, this would deserve a...less short piece, but it's a nice start

And I'll continue with a few references that belong to Rick Griffin, may good fortune favor him, he deserves it for being so talented. And as always post your thoughts please and thank you.

There was quite the whirlwind of activity in the Sweet household. Mrs. Sweet was gathering all the paperwork needed to legally adopt the newest addition to their family. She was waiting for her husband to bring the car back. Meanwhile the said addition to the family was being swarmed over by his new older brother. Cookie was nearly hugging the life out of his soon to be younger sibling. This was made easier for Cookie since the one he was hugging was shorter than him. The muffled protests were not regarded until Biscuit mentioned that the new dog wouldn’t be able to breathe. Gasping for breath, for now the nameless dog looked around and then asked. “So Avalon Hills, what sort of place is it?” Biscuit straightened and began to speak. “Avalon Hills is one of the proud few pet friendly living communities in the area. The property was brought by Check Portals and for a while he just went around doing rich people things” This was empathized with paw quotes. “After a while, his relatives started to remember that they were related to him. Of course this didn’t make Check very happy, so he started getting closer to his cat Dr. Bigglesworth.” When Biscuit was met with a blank look, he continued seriously. “Yes Dr. Bigglesworth, don’t ask me what he’s a doctor of. Now where was I, oh yes Check began to consider his cat more like his child, and when he saw his next door neighbor developing his estate into a pet friendly living community, he followed suit.” The Labrador smiled and the light glinted off his eyes. “Mr. Check brought the better real estate on the higher ground much earlier than his neighbor Henry Milton, so Avalon Hills offered fashionable homes at affordable prices. With a dazzling view surrounded by apple trees only a short distance away from shopping and workplaces, and for the petty minded.” Biscuit stuck out his tongue “The fact that Avalon Hills overlooks the other pet friendly community Babylon Gardens.” “Okay then” The nameless dog tapping the ends of his paws together. “About that paperwork for being adopted…” “Oh yeah! Biscuit, tell him about the General Obedience Exam.” Cookie said, leading to a panicked expression on the nameless dog’s face. “Don’t worry too much” Biscuit raised both of his arms. “You just have to follow directions for the most part. It’s nothing too hard.” “Kids!” Mrs. Sweet called “Dad’s here, who wants to go with their new brother?” Mont the cat preferred to skip out on this and Cookie and Biscuit both wanted to go with their new brother. Walking with their new sibling they ascended the stairs for him to meet Mr. Sweet and to formally join the family.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mr. Sweet was a university professor and loved his job almost as he loved his family and pets, in a positive way. Of course having the students constantly declare that they hated him during the semester then come back at the end full of justified praise was one of the perks of the profession. The new addition learned quite a lot in the car and the waiting room. “You’re right Biscuit, it wasn’t that bad but what was with that bit with the interpretive dance at the end?” He had just completed the General Obedience Exam just a short while ago. Biscuit scratched at the back his head and looked sheepish. “Well some ferals were just skipping past the GOE painfully easy and causing trouble afterwards. So they ended up adding something reasonably silly to weed out some who weren’t cut out to a pet.” Mr. Sweet came back from the front desk of the adoption office and said. “Well we’ve just about finished and you’re cleared to join us, there’s just one little thing we need, a name. Of course it has to be a dessert name as well.” At his younger brother’s rather skeptical glance Biscuit answered “It’s true my full name is Butter Biscuit Sweet, Monty is actually Mont Blanc Sweet and Cookie…” Biscuit began to chuckle a bit. Cookie began to protest so Biscuit. “Biscuit! Come on you promised you wouldn’t say a word about that!” “Let’s see how about Banana Muffin?” Mr. Sweet asked “No? Lemon Drop? Gingerbread? Or how about Mint Custard?” Each of these names brought another disbelieving look from the new dog. “It’s not that easy is it?” Cookie said “At least you aren’t living with our uncle; he named all his pets after bread spreads.” He giggled a bit at that. “Say you have rather nice eyes.” Biscuit finally noticed the vivid shade of green that his brother had in his eyes. “You’re right Biscuit, which gives me an idea!” Mr. Sweet said, a glow spreading across his face. “How about we name you Key Lime Pie?” “Key Lime Pie Sweet? Isn’t that kind of wordy dad?” Cookie asked. “Ah we can just him Lime for short then!” Biscuit replied to his brother bumping him on the head. “I think I’ll take it before you come up with something worse like Snickerdoodle or Peppermint Patty. I think I can live being named after a pie then.” Lime buried his head in his paws and sighed. It was better than all the other choices that he was confronted with, especially Mint Custard or even Banana Muffin, he didn’t think he would be able to face anyone with a name like that. “That’s it then you’ll be Key Lime Pie Sweet from now on.” Mr. Sweet declared, writing it down on the adoption papers. So now I’ve got a new name for a new life. Lime thought I hope I can get some answers for why this is happening to me or why in the world I’m so short. He was being smothered by Cookie again. All said and done, it’s not really a bad change so far. Biscuit was ruffling his head fur now. I think I can live with this for now.

Well depending on motivation and inspiration I could get by between two to four days per chapter.And by the way here is the next part. Comment if you would be so kind.

Life as a dog wasn’t as bad as Lime first believed. He had his own room even though it was smaller than his older brothers’. Dog kibble tasted okay, and the diet was supplemented with regular food at the table. There was some embarrassment when it came time to handle certain bodily “functions”. Thankfully it was dealt with the minimum of fuss and the solemn vow never to think about the surrounding events ever again. The summer heat gave a large haze to the surrounding area, while the scent of apple blossoms wafted through the air. Lime hadn’t explored the general area of Avalon Hills, preferring to stay near home for now. He didn’t know the layout of the community or anybody here. He fingered his collar and tag, gray and green with a cool looking silver and gold like key. Again it was meant to be another pun on his name Key Lime; he wasn’t able to argue too much due to it being a gift, a rather necessary gift but a gift nevertheless. His siblings’ tags and collars though were more or less generic. Cookie had a deep blue collar with a horizontal bone tag. Monty had a light brown and white collar with a coppery cat’s head attached to it. As for Biscuit the less said the better, especially with that tag he was so attached to. Lime put his paws behind his head and lay down upon the grass. The heat was stifling enough to force him to take a nap, it was way too hot to be running around. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cookie however inside the house was building a castle of blocks. He had been at it for the entire morning. “Cookie? Do you want to get some ice cream?” Mrs. Sweet called from the front door.” “Ice Cream? Yay!” He bowled over the tower that took the better part of thirty minutes and raced down the stairs. The car door was open and his seat was empty. Soon later Biscuit, Lime, and Monty were all in their respective car seats. And Mrs. Sweet set off with all of her pets in tow. Cookie and Monty were bouncing around with excitement, Biscuit just glowed with pleasure, and Lime just looked out the window. “This is going to be great!” Cookie shouted“I can’t believe it either!” Monty grinned ecstatically at Biscuit who had a rather content look on his face. They remained in this state for a few minutes while Mrs. Sweet drove. But then Biscuit asked “Wait, Monty why are you coming to the dog park? I thought that you would stay at home napping in this heat?”“The dog park? I thought that we were going to finally going to buy that Pridelands’ DVD.” Monty asked.“I thought we were going to get ice cream.” Cookie said his ears folding down.“Everyone, I don’t think you’re going to like this…” Lime said. The pets looked towards where Lime was pointing. A sign that plainly stated to their eyes “Animal Clinic.”--------------------------------------------------The four were sitting on the waiting room chairs resigned to their fate. Mr. Sweet had arrived earlier to deal with the reception. “Ugh figures that they would choose one of the hottest days of the year to take us to the vet.” Monty spat as he would had been the first to make a break for it. All their collars were also attached to their leashes as well providing another deterrent to escape. “Lime, you must have had some idea that mom was going to do something like this.”“Really, I had nothing to do with this, Mrs. Sweet said that she needed me with her in the car, there wasn’t any reason to say no and the car had air-conditioning.” Lime said, he still called his owners Mrs. And Mr. Sweet, not yet adopting the others’ habit of calling them mom and dad. “Mrs. Sweet the vet would see Mont Blanc now.” The receptionist at the front desk said. “NOOOOOOOOOOO!” Monty screamed “Don’t let them take me!” He pleaded, and fought every pull on his leash as he was dragged away to one of the rooms in the back. There was silence for about a space of a multiple of seven and then a long agonizing scream that caused the three dogs’ ears to lean back in pain. “Your dogs will be seen now Mr. Sweet.” The receptionist stated to canine horror.Biscuit started to walk with resignation, with Cookie tugging against his collar pleading that he didn’t want to see the vet, and Lime wondering what all the fuss was about. Each dog was taken to a separate examination room and left to wait for their vet.Lime sat on the table wondering what a visit to the vet in this particular place would be like. A young man came in introducing himself as a veterinary student going on rotations. He mentioned that it was Lime’s first time here and then started to work. It wasn’t that bad, the blood pressure, taking measurements of height and weight, the physical, Lime wondered why the others reacted the way they did when the vet said that he needed to take Lime’s core temperature. “Doctor, if you’re going to use that particular thermometer that I think you’re going to use, could you do one thing for me?” Lime said. When the vet asked what Lime wanted him to do. “Please knock me out with something” was the dog’s reply.“Well we do need to give your shots, which will make you groggy, amnesic, and numb for the rest of the morning.” The vet said taking out a syringe.“Please do.” Lime said.------------------------------------------------------------------ Cookie came out sucking on a lollipop, and walked over to his brothers’ side. Mont took one look at him and cried out “This is Speciesism!” “Well Monty, you didn’t make it exactly easy for them.” Biscuit said as he chewed his rawhide bone while holding on to it with his teeth. “Lime what did you get?” Cookie asked.Lime was sucking on some peppermints “What?” he replied to their stares. “I needed something to take my mind off of what happened.” “Well at least YOU got something. I hate the vet, I hate it, I’ll never forget this ever!” Mont Blanc screamed and then he fell over asleep followed by his brothers.“Okay I’ll take the dogs into the car, you carry Mont Blanc dear.” Mrs. Sweet said.“Hey, why do I have to carry the cat?” Mr. Sweet argued. “Do you know how impossible it is to pick up a sleeping cat?”“Exactly Sweetie.” Mrs. Sweet smiled as she carried the dogs into the car, followed by a straining Mr. Sweet.To be Continued

Thu Feb 02, 2012 12:02 pm

copper

Puppy Wrangler

Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:18 pmPosts: 6352Location: Florida

Re: Gift of Malums (Living Depends on You)

Looks good so far! A few spelling and grammar issues, but nothing big. I like the story! Nice idea creating a community close but not quite there. I like the characters.

_________________My charactersEverybody has a story to tell. What's yours?

Sun Feb 05, 2012 12:17 am

sean21

Joined: Mon Jan 09, 2012 4:10 pmPosts: 210Location: Roswell

Re: Gift of Malums (Living Depends on You)

i like it, but its hard to decided who's fanfic i like best, they're all good, you all do a good job

Looks good so far! A few spelling and grammar issues, but nothing big. I like the story! Nice idea creating a community close but not quite there. I like the characters.

Would you be so kind as to mention the spelling and grammar issues? I do like to revise my writing so it is more effective. Also any advice on dialogue and characterization would be greatly appreciated. And now the story continues and a certain pair makes a cameo with Mont Blanc possessing an interesting choice of hobbies and friends...

“So we really do have a club right here in this neighborhood?” Lime asked again not really believing what he had been told for what seemed to be a dozen times.“Yes, I’ve been over this before, The Good Ol’ Dogs’ club got its start in Babylon Gardens. It became popular enough there that branches in other neighborhoods were started up by Bino and Fido.” Biscuit explained again with Lime noticing the slight manic glint in his eyes as the Lab said the last part of the sentence. “We usually meet twice a month and you’ll get to meet some new dogs.“It doesn’t feel right leaving Monty behind.” Lime looked back at their house. “Cats aren’t allowed, besides he’s just going to be sleeping all day long.” Cookie said.------------------------------------------------ Monty the cat watched the retreating backs of his brothers in the distance and grinned. “Mom I’m going over to play with a friend! Could you drive?” “Oh alright. Though I’ll never understand why you don’t go when the dogs are at home.” said Mrs. Sweet. She went to get the car keys, while Mont Blanc went to the phone and called his friend. “Hey I’m coming over now.” “Yeah I should be over there quick.” “Don’t start without me okay?” The cat put the receiver back on its base and ran out to the car. Today was going to be fun!-------------------------------------------------“Really? This is where we meet?” Lime gazed at the rather attractive building. “Nobody wanted to buy this house. The property lines went all strange around this spot so the building wasn’t in the best location. When we asked if there was any place where we could meet, Check Portal gave us this place.” Biscuit opened the door and inside were, dogs of nearly every kind and size talking about an array of multiple topics. “Hey it’s Biscuit and Cookie!” A beagle said “Who’s this with you?”“Wisely, this is our brother Lime; we just got him a few weeks ago.” Cookie said. “Well then Mr. Lime it’s nice to meet you.” Wisely the beagle said. “Ummm yes, nice to meet you as well...” Lime replied hoping that the dog would not sniff his behind. He still had trouble getting used to that particular habit of dogs.“Settle down, settle down…” A rather tired voice bounced off the walls. Conversation faded away as to the podium walked what seemed to be the leader of the club. Lime had to keep a straight face as the dog in question was a Chihuahua.----------------------------------------------------Monty was dropped off in front of his friend’s house while Mom went off to go do some grocery shopping. He approached the house and knocked on the door. “Who is it?” asked a voice behind the door. Monty’s ears pricked up. “Hey J it’s me, could you open the door.” The orange cat had the door open in front of him to reveal behind it a brown dog with a spot over his left eye. “Monty! I’ve got the suits ready, are we going to do the bit with the paper fan again? She loves that you know.” The dog let Mont Blanc inside.“Alright then if you really want to.” Mont Blanc turned around and looked at the orange looking cat that was behind him now. “Then let the games begin” the “cat” told the brown “dog” across him.----------------------------------------------------------All said and done the meeting was an interesting event. The latest news about the dogs in the area was spread through these meetings. Tidbits of information included the safety patrol in the dog park due to the failed pet kidnappings. Plans for the next Christmas gift swap were in session and what seemed to be rumors of the antics of the wacky ferrets in the neighborhood next door. Lime was quite surprised at the voice of the Chihuahua named Lars. It carried quite far and strong for a dog of Lars’ size. Lime thought some of what was said was quite interesting. Apparently Biscuit was part of the volunteers for the safety patrol. Also in the news were that the ferrets were launching squirrel chew toys out of cannons much to the delight of the dogs in Babylon Gardens. The Milton ferrets were a silly lot. Apparently when Henry Milton died he left a portion of his wealth to his pets and now all of Babylon Gardens was subjected to their whims. Some of which could be seen from the hills of Avalon. And now the talk shifted to the continued plots of the pet of Check Portals, the cat Dr. Bigglesworth.-------------------------------------------------------------“Hello cat, how about a game of cards, for penalties maybe?” The dog asked.“Oh no, you aren’t getting me with those penalties again. I’m done No.” The cat replied. He stalked over to a cushion and pretended to take a nap for about three seconds. Then what seemed to be an overly formal dressed mouse came bounding up. “Now see here you just can’t give up.” The mouse said and then bit into the cat’s behind. The cat suddenly jumped up and began to run over to the dog carrying him to a table.“Come on deal the cards, gimme gimme.” The cat said.“So what’s the game?” The dog asked as he shuffled the cards.“Who cares just deal the cards gimme gimme” was the cat’s reply.“Alright then Gin Rummy for penalties.” The dog said as he dealt out a hand for both of the players.The cat picked up his hand and both players organized their cards. It was the cat’s turn first and he threw down a card on the pile. “I don’t need this”The dog swiped it into his hand and declared “Gin!” The cat’s cards fell from his hands and so did his face. He walked slowly to a giant cardboard wheel that would soon determine his fate.-----------------------------------------------------------------Dr. Bigglesworth was an enigma to most of the pet population in Avalon hills. If the cats knew anything they weren’t telling but there were whispers. There were sometimes flashing lights over at the Portal’s manor and sometimes strange deliveries were made. The purpose behind these was unknown or so it was told to Lime. “I don’t understand so no one has ever talked to Dr. Bigglesworth?” “Well none of the dogs in Avalon hills at least, we don’t know anything about the cats.” Biscuit said. The meeting for the club ended a few minutes ago and the three dogs were walking home. “The cats won’t say anything about Dr. Bigglesworth and we’ve only seen the cat in pictures.” Cookie said as they came close to their house. He went through the pet door that was installed for the four of them “Mom Dad we’re home!” “Quit it they’re cooking dinner and I’m taking a nap.” Mont Blanc said from the couch as if he hadn’t moved from that spot all afternoon. “I’m going to see if I can do anything to help” Biscuit said as he walked off towards the kitchen. Cookie wandered off as well while Lime stood in front of the couch.“Hey Monty you were okay all afternoon right?” Lime asked. “Huh? Yeah, yeah sure sure, just here taking a nap.” The cat waved the dog’s concerns away.“Okay then. I hope that we’ll have some liver for dinner tonight.” Lime said as he walked off to the dining room. Mont Blanc watched as his brother walked away and smiled as he went back to doing what cats do best, nap.-----------------------------------------------------------------------“That was fun.” The mouse said. Mont Blanc had gone home a long time ago. “Though I think you over did it with the rubber chicken.”“Well you wanted the paper fan and ice cube trick every five minutes.” J answered back as he put back his green collar with the diamond tag. “So why couldn’t we abuse the rubber chicken?”“Oh you know me Joey, good night.” The mouse yawned as she went to sleep.“Good night Squeak” Joey said as he turned off the light.To be Continued

_________________I'm a shape-shifter. I'm currently in whatever form I feel likeParadigm Shift by meI do not actually believe any of what I'm saying.RP character sheets

Fri Feb 10, 2012 2:38 am

copper

Puppy Wrangler

Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:18 pmPosts: 6352Location: Florida

Re: Gift of Malums (Living Depends on You)

Indeed it is a very interesting hobby. Might Monty perhaps be a dog lover?

This Dr. Bigglesworth is quite a recluse. I hope they meet up soon!

_________________My charactersEverybody has a story to tell. What's yours?

Sat Feb 11, 2012 12:45 am

justacritic

Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2012 8:23 pmPosts: 151

Re: Gift of Malums (Living Depends on You)

copper wrote:

Indeed it is a very interesting hobby. Might Monty perhaps be a dog lover?

This Dr. Bigglesworth is quite a recluse. I hope they meet up soon!

You'll find out more about Monty's hobby and the reasons behind it. As for Dr. Bigglesworth, you ain't seen nothing yet . And now for your entertainment, a double length chapter with strange and wonderous things. And dire portents of things to come. Please comment freely, and the reminder that the Housepets universe and characters are the creation of Rick Griffin.

On a fine fall day in the middle of the forest, if one chanced to look, one would see two dogs walking through it. Also if one looked closer one would see the two play-fighting with sticks. One dog used his stick basically like all kids normally do as a one-handed sword. The other dog was using his stick with two paws, one near each end. “Prepare to die! Dark Lord!” Cookie swung his stick sword at his brother Lime.The other dog batted the sword with his stick “Foolish hero, I Limerick WILL KNOCK YOU DOWN!” and countered.Imagination was quite a fun game for the pets and Cookie was being the hero and for a hero to be a hero he must have a villain to fight. Lime was happy to oblige and both were playing in the forest bordering the neighborhoods. “Get back here Limerick!” Cookie said as he chased his retreating brother.---------------------------------------------Biscuit saluted his fellow members of the Dog Watch patrol. Ever since the rise of attempted pet kidnappings, some dogs felt that something should be done. In response a few dogs joined together and formed the Dog Watch. At first it was just a volunteer neighborhood group that just kept an eye out for anything suspicious, but over time and unintended effort the group became an unofficial peace keeping force. They were trusted enough that they could call on the K-9 unit if things were out of their hands. Biscuit rose up in the ranks of the Dog Watch for dedicated service. He had a secret, he wanted to join the K-9 unit but didn’t for family reasons. So the Labrador chose the next best thing that brought him closer to his hero. “Alright everyone” Biscuit said resisting the urge to clap his hands like some old style elementary school teacher. “People out there are counting on our patrol the streets. So get out there and reassure people with our presence!”-----------------------------------------------------------------------Both Cookie and Lime’s game took them deeper into the forest than Cookie had traveled before. Lime had only been recently taken into the woods to explore. Normally both dogs would have played in the house but Mont Blanc was taking a catnap and didn’t want to be disturbed, this was backed up with only one but very painful reason.So the two dogs ended up taking their game to the woods. There were plenty of things to use as props, and being outside in the crisp fall air added something to the game, a sort of excitement and energy that wasn’t there before. Maybe if that wasn’t there, trouble wouldn’t have arisen. The two dogs were at their mock combat overlooking a stream below them, neither paid attention to the ground below them. Cookie lunged forward with his stick in a thrust. Lime stepped back to bat the attack away, but slipped on a stone underfoot. Lime’s stick fell from his paws as he lost his balance and tumbled over to Cookie’s horror the small cliff behind Lime.-----------------------------------------------------------------OH GREAT… Lime thought as he slipped over a stone, and things got worse from there as he noticed that behind him was nothing but empty air. The face of Cookie disappeared from Lime’s view. I can’t land on my back. I don’t think I could survive that! The dog twisted in the air and face what was below him. The results weren’t promising, while there was a stream of water, Lime’s flight path wouldn’t reach it. The ground it is then. Lime landed on his hind legs but the impact jolted them and he ended up having to stop the rest of the fall with his front paws. “LIME! LIME! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?” Cookie called down, he could see his brother but had no idea what condition he was in. He could see Lime waving back up at him and heard his brother say he was alright. “I’m coming down ‘kay?” Cookie said and used the fastest route that was safe. “Really Cookie I’m fine…” Lime started to say but winced as a sharp pain shot up his right leg. He ground his teeth as well as a mostly carnivore jaw could and breathed deeply.“What? What’s wrong” Cookie said, noticing the expression on his brother’s face.Lime tested his right foot several times and came to only one conclusion “I think I might have sprained my foot. I don’t think I can walk all the way home without help…” “And you shouldn’t I’ll go get help; you stay here and don’t move.” Cookie said and dashed off in the woods. Lime was about to stop him but was too slow and ended up alone. He winced some more from the pain that his foot gave him and looked around. Lime sat down by the stream bank and gently eased his foot into it. The temperature of the water numbed his pain and he waited.----------------------------------------------Cookie ran through the forest, and making sure that he could find his brother when he came back. His younger brother was too heavy for him to carry and he wouldn’t risk Lime continuing to hurt his foot walking even with the aid of a crutch. There was only one thing to do, call for the assistance of a higher power.-------------------------------------------------Lime sat by the stream bank and waited. Not that was easy, at first he thought that Cookie would come back quickly with a large stick or something to make walking back home easier. However time passed and the dog was forced to find ways to amuse himself. With some rocks he played Tic-Tac-Toe with himself. Then when that failed to provide adequate amusement, he switched to a game of Poison and after that Mancala. It got to the point where Lime was attempting to play a game of Go against himself! The sudden amount of darkness surprised him and the dog found himself in the woods at night… Fear struck him, was Cookie lost or hurt, or maybe? The feeling that he had right now was quite new to him. To feel worried for someone, Lime thought back to the life he had before which had been fogged in his memory. There were friends and there was family but neither had the warmth that he felt during his short life as a dog. It was terrifying, not knowing how his brother was doing. Lime didn’t care too much about himself but wanted to know if Cookie was okay. The ground shook and the whole forest vibrated, startling Lime. He grabbed a stone from the stream, ready to use it to defend against anything. Nothing appeared and then he noticed that this particular stone had a hole worn through the entire middle. It wasn’t like this happened everyday, Lime held the stone up to the air, looked through it, he saw a giant shadow pass over the moon…--------------------------------------------Meanwhile in another part of the neighborhood, another pet witnessed the same thing though indirectly. This pet, a cat to be exact watched his instruments fluctuate wildly. “So” he sighed “it has come to this.” Bubbling came from a large tank at the cat’s words. “Yes I know, this will bring more trouble than it is worth but his interference will change nothing in the long term.” The cat said as he walked over to another window where below far away with its lights ablaze was the Milton Manor, on a table next to the window was a newspaper with a family of wolves on the front page. “It seems that little Keene has a little bit of his father in him” More bubbling arose from this statement. “Yes, yes this could prove useful soon but enough. “The cat spoke “I have work to do we will discuss this later.” The cat sat down at a bench filled with pieces of various parts and began to work long into the night.---------------------------------------------------- Lime didn’t believe his eyes especially since he didn’t see the shadow when he took the stone away from his eye. It was large, considering the distance it was from him, a quadruped with wings which even given Lime’s lack of depth study into biology he was sure didn’t exist normally. He was wondering what he had seen when a shout was heard in his ears “Lime! Are you there?”Lime at first didn’t believe his ears but when he tried to stand up and saw who was calling he wasn’t able to disbelieve his eyes again. It was Cookie and Mrs. Sweet was with him. “Lime, it wasn’t easy to get back here” Cookie told his brother. “Lime, are you alright?” Mrs. Sweet asked, Lime tried to reassure her but even after all this time soaking his foot it still ached. “Come here” Mrs. Sweet picked up a surprised Lime and carried him. She hushed his protests and merely said “We’ll fix up your foot when we get home, it’s a light dinner for you and then bed. You should be fine in the morning.” Lime wasn’t able to say anything as he noticed that Mrs. Sweet’s shoes were boots, and they showed the wear that this trip had put on them. “Okay” he said and a warm feeling flowed through. “Thank you, Mom…”------------------------------------------------------------- Biscuit came back from his dog patrol shift and was puzzled by the lack of greeting from Lime. “Hey Monty” Biscuit talked to the cat who was nearby on the couch. “Where’s Lime?” “He’s sleeping; he fell down a cliff in the woods while playing with Cookie.” Mont Blanc frowned, while he did like his naps to be undisturbed, he felt a bit guilty as he could have taken a little noise. No amount of peace was worth hurting one of his brothers too badly. “What! Is he alright?” Biscuit asked with panic in his eyes. He cared very much for his younger brothers. The Labrador couldn’t bear to have one of them seriously injured. “Yeah, he just sprained his foot, dinner’s in the kitchen. Don’t worry too much Biscuit.” Monty stretched and yawned. “Now if you excuse me I’m going to sleep.”------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Lime however wasn’t sleeping, or to be more truthful he was sleeping until right now. It was a strange night what with the shadow that passed over the moon. Others would have dismissed what they had seen as just a trick of the mind. Yet Lime himself was in a situation where the circumstances were unbelievable. He took out the stone and held in his hand. For the second time that night some strange happened to him. Lime started hearing voices.“This is going to suck.”“You’re right, why did Kit even allow him to ever play games again?”“Remember what happened to the first Babylon?”“Ugh that was an utter disaster.”“Think about what would happen if he meddles with things today!”“We can’t do anything about it, it’s not our game.” “Um. Excuse me but what are you talking about?” Lime asked the voices though he wasn’t sure if the voices were just a figment or if they could even hear him. He got his answer quick“Wait, someone’s listening to us?”“Who?”“Uh-Oh it’s that kid.”“You mean the one that got dumped here?”“How is he listening to us?”“Yeesh, hey Tabris this is your fault. You better do something.” Lime’s ears pricked back, this didn’t sound good. A rather pleasant voice broke through the silence. “You, yes you in the bed. Your name is now… Lime? Alright, you found ah… so that’s why, perhaps you will make things interesting.” Lime looked back at the stone in his paw. What was so special about it anyway?“Right now” the voice continued “is not the proper or necessary time for explanations especially since I have noticed you are injured. Sleep now and if truly an explanation is needed then it shall be given but you should be ASLEEP.” Lime had a sudden attack of drowsiness and fell back into his basket with the last words in his ears being. “Now everyone I have a suggestion to make…”To Be ContinuedEdit:Altered the colors of the mysterious speakers' dialogue.

Last edited by justacritic on Tue May 15, 2012 11:28 pm, edited 4 times in total.

oooh, interesting. were we aware that this was in the past running parallel to the comic?

_________________I'm a shape-shifter. I'm currently in whatever form I feel likeParadigm Shift by meI do not actually believe any of what I'm saying.RP character sheets

Sat Feb 18, 2012 12:41 am

copper

Puppy Wrangler

Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:18 pmPosts: 6352Location: Florida

Re: Gift of Malums (Living Depends on You)

Ooooo, nice tie in to the comic! Can't wait to see where you take it.

Hmm... Cookie and Lime are quite considerate of their brother. Perhaps Monty should do the same next time.

Dr. Prower is the evil one, eh? Hmm... he is quite mysterious indeed.

_________________My charactersEverybody has a story to tell. What's yours?

Sat Feb 18, 2012 7:44 pm

justacritic

Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2012 8:23 pmPosts: 151

Re: Gift of Malums (Living Depends on You)

copper wrote:

Ooooo, nice tie in to the comic! Can't wait to see where you take it.

Hmm... Cookie and Lime are quite considerate of their brother. Perhaps Monty should do the same next time.

Dr. Prower is the evil one, eh? Hmm... he is quite mysterious indeed.

Hopefully I'll fall into the bounds of reasonable skepticism with where I'm going.

Also Mont Blanc does care but catnaps he does not to no has them.

There will be more interesting characters introduced to the neighborhood of Avalon Hills and that reminds me, here is dear readers the next chapter in which the next day is shown along with tears, fears, and an attempt to cheer.

Lime woke up with a rather groggy headache, probably due to the pain in his foot from last night. The dog swept his legs over the rim of his basket and out tumbled that rock with a hole in it. Its appearance brought back thoughts of the strange events before bedtime. Now the normal mind would rationalize away voices in the air and the strange shadow across the moon as a trick of the light or a pain addled hallucination. However Lime who had a different name before being the new pet of the Sweets didn’t have that particular mental defense any more. After all compared to finding yourself as a different species altogether, Lime’s seeing and hearing things were merely a drop in the bucket of life. He did however keep the stone that he found, right now it was the only link he had that connected all the strange things that have happened. Even if the connections were loose at best. Lime began to walk downstairs and tried his best to ease off his injured foot.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------“Lime you really shouldn’t be walking about.” Biscuit said as his brother came down the stairs. The Labrador retriever heard about the accident last night when he came home from patrolling the neighborhood. Biscuit took his work seriously but still enjoyed playing with the rest of his siblings. The fact that one of their games took a turn for the worse worried him.“I’m fine, Biscuit you don’t have to worry too much.” Lime said waving away Biscuit’s concerns. Lime sat down in one of the chairs of the mini dining set that was set out for the pets. There was a normal table with chairs but the height difference gave the pets some trouble, especially since there was a new rather short addition to the family. So the pets had their own dining surface and they ate with their parents at the large table on special occasions. “We can’t very well play anything that requires too much moving around then” Monty said as Lime poured himself a bowl of cereal and milk. The cat had finished his own breakfast, grilled fish with toast. Now he was thinking of what to play, naps were nice yet they made you fat after a while and Monty had no intention of turning into an internet phenomenon. “How about a movie?” Biscuit said, taking both his and Cookie’s plate to the kitchen.“All Dogs Go to Heaven!” Cookie said, with a force that surprised Lime Monty slapped his paw to his face. “Oh come on not that” he said.“What’s wrong with that movie?” Lime asked, he felt that something about that movie might be different here. He’d seen it before but he didn’t have any idea how talking pets would now react to that movie.“Every time Biscuit, Cookie or any other dog watches that film, the waterworks start flowing.” Monty said. Lime cocked his head to the side “Really?” It was the way he said it that started Biscuit off. The subtle disbelief at this particular bit of news.“You’ve never seen All Dogs Go to Heaven?” Biscuit asked. At the hesitation on Lime’s face Biscuit said. “Well then we’re watching that movie.”--------------------------------------------------------Popcorn, blankets, soda though not flavored orange, and a surround sound system, and these were the stuff, which movie nights were made of. The four pets watched Charlie go through his life, afterlife, and after afterlife. “Charlie! No, NO!” Cookie said tears streaming from his eyes. “Here” Monty passed the Tish Yous to Cookie and Biscuit who were leaking their eyes out. “Lime? Are you all right?” Monty asked, his brother was stiff as a board and taking short breaths. “I’m fine. It was just that alligator or was it a crocodile?” Lime had no idea behind the reason that particular scene. It came out of nowhere and made no sense. Worse of all, due to Lime’s size watching that particular part of the movie was more traumatic then the dog realized. However soon the film was over with its bitter-sweet ending. “I’ll be in the kitchen, I need some air.” He jumped off the couch, taking the empty popcorn bowls and soda cans with him skipping a bit to keep off his foot. “Awww, Lime didn’t cry once during the whole movie at all.” Cookie said wrapping the blanket around him. His brother Biscuit went up to take the DVD back to its box. “Well I guess not all dogs cry at this film then.” Biscuit shrugged and blew into the white square in his paw. as he returned the box to the shelf of DVDs. It was a bit of disappointment but the movie did pass some of the time. “I wouldn’t be so sure about that.” Mont Blanc yawned as he curled up on the couch. “You’ll be surprised when he comes back I think.”---------------------------------------------------------------- Lime was standing on a very high chair, furiously washing the dishes. While the tap was turned on, somebody next to the sink would observe that additional drips were sometimes added to the wash water. If a person was really close that person would hear whispered with what seemed to be a cracking voice “Stupid… stupid Charlie, why? Why? Wasn’t it enough?”------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Biscuit was just selecting another movie when Lime came in. He paused though, Lime’s eyes were puffy and red, and his little nose leaked a bit. “I’m alright, so are we watching another movie then?” Lime said as he was helped back into his seat by Cookie and Mont Blanc. “Yes” Biscuit said as he skipped over Oliver and Company, Lime seemed like he was in no condition to watch another heartbreaking film. Right now they needed something less tear jerking. He popped a DVD into the player and sat back on the couch and watched as the word Fantasia appeared on the screen. “Great, we’ll get to see hippos dancing with crocodiles.” Monty snickered. Cookie shushed him as the film began.To Be Continued

Fri Feb 24, 2012 11:44 pm

copper

Puppy Wrangler

Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:18 pmPosts: 6352Location: Florida

Re: Gift of Malums (Living Depends on You)

Nice little scene there. I guess that movie would be a lot sadder in Live action, which is what I assume it would be in a world of talking animals...

Movie Nights are always fun. Can't wait for the next update!

_________________My charactersEverybody has a story to tell. What's yours?

Sat Feb 25, 2012 8:18 pm

justacritic

Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2012 8:23 pmPosts: 151

Re: Gift of Malums (Living Depends on You)

copper wrote:

Nice little scene there. I guess that movie would be a lot sadder in Live action, which is what I assume it would be in a world of talking animals...

Movie Nights are always fun. Can't wait for the next update!

Ask and you shall receive, but I would like to receive comments please, not only to let me know what I'm doing right or what needs improving and to prevent double postingAnd so it begins

The rain was falling on two dogs walking the lanes of Avalon Hills. It was supposed to be bath day for all the pets. Cookie was already cleaned and dry, there was just one little problem, Monty was nowhere to be found in the house. The Sweets continued to search for the orange cat, Biscuit and Lime since they had not taken their bath yet were sent to see if their brother was outside. Both had no luck finding their feline sibling and continued to search. In the gloom of the rain, bobbed one little bright green umbrella and a voice beside it saying. “I don’t see why you needed to take this umbrella with you; you’re going to get wet later anyway.” Biscuit was soaked from the rainfall and he smelled different to Lime’s nose. “You’re bigger than me and won’t catch cold easily.” Lime said from under the umbrella. Lime was taking the opportunity given by the missing Monty to look around the neighborhood he was now living in. Biscuit sighed as they walked on; it had been several weeks since the family had added Lime to their home. Everybody had adjusted wonderfully, but there were some things that Biscuit didn’t understand about Lime. On occasion Lime showed little knowledge of pet conventions leading at times embarrassing explanations. Also the little dog was reading up on the esoteric field and sometimes sighing while staring out the window. The two dogs walked past another house when Lime’s ears perked up. He heard something from the house, a few tentative notes. “Biscuit, who lives over there?” Lime asked. Biscuit looked over to where Lime was pointing and said. “Oh that house… The Hoff’s live there.” He then turned back to keep an eye out for Monty. “Who are the pets living there?” Lime asked, and there was silence as they turned on a corner. Lime asked the question again Biscuit answered “Just some dogs in a band.” “The dogs have a band? That’s interesting, what’s the name?” Lime asked. Biscuit looked even more uncomfortable and answered “You’ve heard of them, they’re called The Beagles.”----------------------------------------------“I met an angel by the street all afraid” “And he said that he couldn’t go home cause he lost his way.” Jack Hoff, a beagle in his third year of living paused as his other siblings Nack, Mac, and Knack let the sound of their instruments fade out. The four members of the Beagles were stuck on the lyrics of their latest single which to add insult to injury they couldn’t even agree on a name. “Maybe we should scrap the idea of lyrics, we’ve gotten nowhere in the past few days now.” Knack was tuning his keyboard, shuffling through the sound effects and tweaking them. “We’ve got the melody so we could just release this as an instrumental.” “You’re just jealous that only Jack can sing Knack. You aren’t fooling anybody.” Nack strummed a few chords on his bass. “Besides this is the album cover song, we can’t just release it as an instrumental and think the fans will be satisfied with that. “We’ve only been on the scene for like a year and a half guys.” Mac scratched behind his own ears. “Our fan base isn’t large enough yet to be able to take a sudden change in art direction.” He went back to drumming a beat; he knew that when Jack was stuck in a rut, it could take a while for his bro to get back in stride. Jack crumpled some more failed attempts to move on with the lyrics. The Beagles were well received with their pop rock songs as it was original without any of the discord arising from amateur children trying to cover a song. There were even humans that enjoyed their sound to the band’s surprise. All that acclaim would mean nothing if Jack couldn’t think of the next lyrics to this song. Throwing all the scribbled out attempts into the air, Jack rolled back and forth on the ground clutching his head. “Argggh! I can’t think of anything. NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING!” Jack was throwing a temper tantrum on the floor when he spotted two dogs walking in the rain outside. “Who’s walking outside in weather like this?” Knack asked and saw the look on Jack’s face. “Everyone, from the top” Jack said and began to strum on his guitar.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------“Through rain or snow I’ll keep searching always” “Until the time comes where you decide to stay” “Well that’s a surprise.” Lime said “I would have thought that their lawn would be covered over with screaming fans or something.” “Check Portals wouldn’t have any of that here.” Biscuit said. “He made it quite clear that any paparazzi would be shown the floor with their equipment behind them.” The Labrador was now completely soaking wet. “I don’t think that Monty would be out here in the rain for this long, think he’s back home?” Lime asked, he was getting slightly damp even with an umbrella. “I think you’re right Lime, let’s go home” Biscuit said.------------------------------------------------------- A giant ball of orange puffy fluff was in the living with a laughing Cookie on the couch. “Where were you?” Biscuit asked Monty, the dog was trying his best not to burst out laughing. Lime was staring off in the distance, most likely his attempt to not laugh at Mont Blanc’s predicament. “He was hiding in the last place we’d expected, he was inside the bathtub all this time!” Cookie laughed out. They only found where Monty was hiding when Cookie went to return a rubber duck he had taken out of the bathroom. Then Monty couldn’t escape what came next and now he was in the middle of the living room looking like a giant puff ball of fur. “Biscuit you should take a bath first, or else you’ll keep dripping all over the floor.” Lime said. Biscuit nodded, besides taking a bath together was difficult for each dog liked a particular temperature for the water. It was just easier to take separate baths for each of them. “So where you two searching?” Cookie asked. “We passed by the Hoff’s house” Lime started to say but when he saw both Monty and Cookie suddenly paying a lot more attention, he knew that he was in for a storm of enthusiasm. Lime really wished that Biscuit would be finished with his bath right now.

Fri Mar 02, 2012 10:07 pm

copper

Puppy Wrangler

Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:18 pmPosts: 6352Location: Florida

Re: Gift of Malums (Living Depends on You)

Hmm... seems Avalon Hills is nothing but a deck of cards. Monty must have looked like a cheeto!

And as for double posting, if it is an announcement, or a story update, it doesn't count as a violation of the double posting rule.

_________________My charactersEverybody has a story to tell. What's yours?

Sun Mar 04, 2012 10:39 pm

justacritic

Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2012 8:23 pmPosts: 151

Re: Gift of Malums (Living Depends on You)

copper wrote:

Hmm... seems Avalon Hills is nothing but a deck of cards. Monty must have looked like a cheeto!

And as for double posting, if it is an announcement, or a story update, it doesn't count as a violation of the double posting rule.

You're going to explain that metaphor, there are a certain number of interpretations that can go along with it. As for Monty, cheeto, cheese puff, it doesn't help that he's colored like some cheese flavored snack foods And now the next chapter, concerning holiday drags and a mood whiplash, fun for the whole family.

“I’m not sure what to get for our cousins” Lime said as he looked at shelves and shelves of consumer products. “I’ve never even met them so how am I supposed to decide what to get them for Christmas?” “It’s not that hard one’s a girl cat and the other is a boy dog.” Cookie told Lime. “Wait one of our cousins is a girl?” Monty said “Okay that is awkward.” “That still doesn’t help much.” Lime said. “Well at least you have more money than us” Monty said, while the pets got 1.5 per week for their allowance, Lime earned extra cash by doing some of the chores around the house. Lime walked through the selection at the mall thinking. Okay so pets are like little kids and we like playing pretend. And pretend is better when you have props. So what do boys and girls like? The little dog wracked his mind about what boys liked even though he was one. “Video games, but I don’t know if they have a gaming system. Puzzle? No, that’s kind of cheap. Action figure? But I don’t even know what franchises he likes. Come on think Lime.” Lime said to himself, there had to be something, anything that was nearly universal to kids. He saw it with the cliché spotlight, a pack of 240 crayons made with the finest wax and pigments, and it was on sale. “Lime did you find something…” Monty just had a blur move past him with surprising speed. When the cat looked at where the blur went, he spotted Lime picking up a box of crayons. “Lime did you really have to run that fast?” “Well I saw the perfect gift for one of our cousins lit by a spotlight and it was on sale so I was worried that somebody would pick it up before me.” Lime said with a speed that almost matched his movement. “But I still need something for the other cousin.” -------------------------------------------------------------------- “Hello everyone and welcome to the Neighborhood Dog Watch’s special conference, refreshments and questions will come after the meeting.” Biscuit addressed the gathered audience that included a majority of dogs with pockets of cats and other pets here and there. “As you may have heard there was been a steady increase of attempted abductions and P.E.T.A appearances in the surrounding area.” There came several hisses and growls at the group name. “And with reports that one of their arrested members mysteriously vanishing from the courthouse on the day of his trial, we here at the Neighborhood Dog Watch has pieced together this presentation with generous assistance from the K-9 Patrol on what to do when you see a suspected petnapper.” Amongst the clapping Biscuit clicked to the next slide.----------------------------------------------------------------------- “Nope I don’t think I could live, sending our cousin anything THAT pink.” Lime said after he browsed the selection of toys for girls. Feet among Feet of pink rolled as far as he could see in the particular shade that companies believe girls like but in truth sear through the eyeballs to burn their particular wavelength into the poor abused mind of a mortal shopper. “Why do girls like pink?” Cookie asked. “That’s just something the media spreads around to promote sales. Let’s see what else they have.” Lime said. Monty, Lime and Cookie walked through the aisles listing the colors on the signs. “Shocking Pink, Tickled Pink, Carnation Pink, Pig Pink, Hot Pink, Pinky and the Brain, Power Ranger Pink, Puce.” “Hey we’re in the different color aisles now!” Cookie said. ”Yes, but puce isn’t much of an improvement, oh hey purple.” Lime walked over to all the toy sets in that particular shade. “Ugh magenta doesn’t go well with dolls.” Monty said.----------------------------------------------------- “And so due to the Milton Ferrets hiring wolves to be their bodyguards there been reports of a ten percent decrease in crime in the area. So it’s best not to antagonize them.” Biscuit said. “So that’s all you need to need to know about abductions and kidnapping in our area. Now refreshments are to your left on the table. Questions may be addressed to some of our Dog Watch members and our observing K-9 officers ” Biscuit said. “Great job” One of the K-9 unit, a German Shepard clapped. “It seems that this event was great success.” “Thanks Officer, it only worked with your help, sorry that you need to stay to answer questions, but you can share in the refreshments if you like.” Biscuit said. “I hope you’ll be able to catch that fugitive.” The Officer nodded and went to the refreshment tables. “Now I hope they still have some of the bacon salad left.” Biscuit rubbed his hands together and grinned.--------------------------------------------------------- “Well that’s the last of Christmas shopping, let’s go home kids.” Mrs. Sweet said slamming down the trunk door of the car after stuffing the purchases in the back. Monty, Lime, and Cookie were already inside, seat belts fastened to their booster seats. The car was started and Mrs. Sweet started to drive back home. “I still can’t believe that was the last one on sale.” Monty said with a skeptical look on his face. “Yeah it’s like someone in the universe was pushing you towards buying those particular presents.” Cookie said. “I just hope that our cousins will like what I got for them and I still don’t understand why you won’t tell me about them.” Lime said. “Well introductions would be much easier if you would actually see them sometime, makes it awkward when you know their names and they don’t.” Monty waved his paw. “Besides I think they’ll like all the crayons and the Periwinkle Princess Play set that you got for them.” Cookie smiled. “I hope so, I wasn’t sure if she’ll like the color or the flower style of the set.” Lime said as Mrs. Sweet drove on.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Biggles” A rather tired raspy voice said “I think I can hold out for one last Christmas together.” “Father, don’t be like that, the medical professionals gave a rather promising diagnosis…” Another voice answered back. “Ha!” Father laughed, which turned into a cough. “It’s getting hard to stay here; ever since Henry went on I can’t seem to focus as well anymore. We never got on to well what with him getting ferrets. I mean I even told him Henry you’re a rich man, it just doesn’t give off a proper look, and with six of them you’re going to lose a heck on tube socks. Ah but he never listened.” Father said. “But still…” the small voice said. “Oh don’t worry, I’ll still be hanging around, and I’ve taken a leaf out of Henry’s book. He may have had a terrible backstabbing family, something a little in common with me, but boy did he have the right idea. Everything’s been settled, you’ll be taken care of, some stuff will go to my relatives but that’s just to make them hush, and I’m proud to say plenty of funds will work towards the betterment of pets. Just promise me one thing Biggles.” Father asked. “What Father?” Biggles said. “Don’t spend the rest of your life cooped up in your lab. You’ve brought and done so much for the company but more importantly, for me. I don’t want the rest of your life to be a lonely one. There’s plenty of pets down in the homes, make some friends, please Biggles.” Father said as he began to drift off to sleep. “Yes Father now just rest, rest alright?” Biggles said as his Father slept. He walked out the room quietly, turning off the lights. He went to one of the attics, the one his Father called the “lab”. Sitting down in a chair at one of the larger work tables Biggles sighed and turned to the tank filled with some sort of liquid. “Is there really nothing that can legally be done?” Biggles addressed the tank. The tank bubbled and with another sigh and placing his head in his paws he said. “I was afraid of that…” When the tank bubbled again Biggles answered back. “Yes I know, I don’t need wisdom to realize I need to make these upcoming moments count, now good night, I have a lot to do…”

Last edited by justacritic on Wed Mar 07, 2012 8:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Tue Mar 06, 2012 10:19 pm

copper

Puppy Wrangler

Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:18 pmPosts: 6352Location: Florida

Re: Gift of Malums (Living Depends on You)

I will never explain it! Take what you will from my metaphor.

*facepalms* Really? Peanut and Grape are their cousins? I can't believe that....

Hmmm.... seems the old founder is about to go. I hope Biggle's can handle it.

_________________My charactersEverybody has a story to tell. What's yours?

I'll try my best but I have to get past the Christmas/Holiday chapter first and so here it is and things are coming to a head for some people. Anyway you'll get a view on how some pets spend their holidays.

Snow fell upon the roads of Avalon Hills and lights dangling from the fronts of houses gave a certain glow to the snow banks. And throughout the neighborhood, scenes of holiday celebrations could be peeked through the windows. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Would you all please stop eating the popcorn until we finish the silly popcorn chains?” Lime asked his brothers, the small dog was threading kernels of the snack food through small threads. “Also isn’t this a waste of food?” “Sorry” Cookie said “Besides after the popcorn becomes stale, we use it to feed the birds outside. They think that it’s quite tasty” “Yes, they are quite tasty.” Monty said, licking what passed for lips on a cat. “But anyway, Cookie and Monty you should stop eating the popcorn, if we have any left then you can eat the rest.” Biscuit said finishing another popcorn garland. “Yes Biscuit.” Both pets said and went back to finishing their popcorn garlands.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Biggles, help me walk” Father said, he had turned to using a cane now. His strength had left him quickly in the past few days. “Yes father” Biggles said, guiding his father to the main parlor where the huge room over the past few days was transformed. Through the efforts of Biggles and other servants the entire room was littered with tinsel, décor, and the season colors. “I am glad to have managed to have at least gathered together my gift to you, Biggles.” Father collapsed into a large couch; he was short of breath from such a short distance. “I know it may be a few days earlier than expected but I wish to give your gift to you just in case.” He brought out a small box wrapped in paper and it had a stick on bow placed on top and handed it to the cat. Biggles took the box and placed it on his lap and looked at it. Only after some prompting from Father did Biggles actually open the present. Inside was a slim volume, the cat took it out and began to leaf through it. Each page had a photo of brighter days from the past, from his adoption up to this moment in time.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Okay guys, the moment’s nearly here.” Jack said, picking up his guitar pick. The four were doing a charity concert for Christmas with re-mixes of the holiday songs. The proceeds from the concert tickets were to go to pet services. “Oh come on fearless leader, afraid to break a leg?” Nack said, the beagle hoped that he wasn’t sweating heavily. He’d been told that thousands of fans, dog, cat, and human were right on the other side of the curtain earlier. The large amounts of cheering gave reality to that fact. “Just remember everyone; we’re doing this for a good cause.” Knack said, he was the one that suggested this concert. He was able to push it through with help from some sponsors in order to cut down on the costs, and while they The Beagles were the main attraction other performers signed up for their own reasons. In the end it just meant more money for charity. “Beagles get ready to rock!” Mack tapped his drumsticks together as the curtain rose to reveal the four to an audience of tens of thousands. Then he began to drum out the beat while his brothers followed on their own instruments and Jack began to sing out the words of holiday songs to their own style.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If one would be so inclined to gaze over the streets of the neighborhood next to Avalon Hills, one would spot a lone dog, perhaps some would recognize as a Corgi walking the streets alone, with tears leaking out of the eyes freezing to frost. His movements would eventually take him to encounter another dog, a meeting that may change him one way or another. Still the game goes on…-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “I have had a rather large amount of leisure time on my hands ever since my collapse.” Father said. “My wish was to leave something at least that I could honestly say I had brought together with my own hands.” Father looked at Biggles, not knowing what the cat felt of the gift. “Father, I don’t what to say or what to give you.” Biggles said. “Nothing I can think seems to be an appropriate gift to give to you.” The cat’s paws were shaking as he put the photo album to one side. “It’s ironic, you’ve given so much to me and now I can’t return the favor when you need it most.” “Don’t worry too much about that Biggles, you’ve given enough keeping me company. I just don’t want you to be lonely when I go. Just keep that promise that you’ll make friends with the other pets alright?” Father said. “Come, let’s have our dinner then, I smell goose and I have quite the appetite as of now.” Father got up from his seat and began to slowly walk towards what could be considered a fine meal.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Hah I’m stuffed.” Monty said, his belly distended from the large dinner that everybody in the family had eaten. “The food fatigue is setting in right now” the cat sleepily rubbed his eyes. “I’m done for the day. Good night everyone” Lime said as he walked up to his bedroom. “Night Lime” Cookie said, he was currently engaged in a game of mastermind with Biscuit. The dog had only two more chances to guess the code that his brother made, but he was extremely close. “Now, now Cookie. How are you able to get out of this one?” Biscuit said while he smiled. This was a tie-breaker match for the both of them. However this version that the brothers played by had empty spaces counting as an additional color to add to the difficulty. The next move made by Cookie was still wrong and it all came down to the last move. “Yeah” Monty yawned “I’m going to snooze as well, you guys turn out the lights when you’re done.” The cat shook his head and climbed the stairs to his own room. He walked in, turned off the lights and went straight to bed. Soon though he was full of visions of sugar plums dancing in his head.

Wed Mar 14, 2012 10:41 pm

copper

Puppy Wrangler

Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:18 pmPosts: 6352Location: Florida

Re: Gift of Malums (Living Depends on You)

Aww, that is sweet! Some nice stories there.

Monty is the comic relief, right? He has to be.

Hmmm, the Game, huh? Did you just make us all lose?

_________________My charactersEverybody has a story to tell. What's yours?

Thu Mar 15, 2012 3:54 am

justacritic

Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2012 8:23 pmPosts: 151

Re: Gift of Malums (Living Depends on You)

copper wrote:

Aww, that is sweet! Some nice stories there.

Monty is the comic relief, right? He has to be.

Hmmm, the Game, huh? Did you just make us all lose?

It depends if you're playing, and kids don't turn out the torches and pitchforks.And now the next chapter.

It was bright, sunny and an unseasonably warm January day, and to Biggles the weather was totally contrary to his mood right now. People he did not know came to offer condolences, he had no idea whether those condolences were honest or not. Biggles looked at his black gloves, and sighed just wanting to be alone in his grief. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Don’t wander too far Monty.” Mr. Sweet said, the family had come to pay their respects to the deceased Check Portals. The founder of Avalon Hills and other businesses had past away shortly after New Year’s Day. The majority of the neighborhood and other people who had known the man in his life came to view the body of the deceased for one last time. Biscuit and other dogs in the Neighborhood Dog Watch were serving as an honor guard for the wake. Cookie and Lime were really quiet, especially Lime who had never seen in person Check Portals. Mont Blanc wandered off; there were some faces that were relatively well known, celebrities, business leaders, and inventors. However wandering around were also people that only those in certain circles would recognize, bankers, and those in finance and investments. Monty walked around these somber people in black suits and dresses and spotted a cat wearing black gloves. “Hey, you alright?” Monty asked. He already knew the answer but Monty had no other thing to say. The other cat was looked to be descended mostly of the Siamese breed. He looked up at Monty and for a moment looked unsure at how to act. “Not very well I think.” The cat said. “I’m Mont Blanc, was Check Portals that important to you?” Monty said. “Father was my entire family. I don’t have anybody else now.” The other cat said. “What’s your name?” Monty asked, a cat referring to Check Portals as Father could only mean one thing. “Where are my manners?” The other cat laughed sadly. “I am known as Dr. Bigglesworth.”------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Biscuit, Cookie, and Lime had viewed the late departed shell of Check Portals, the man who started Orange Devices, Utunes, Half Foods; many other types of companies and perhaps the most importantly to the three dogs the neighborhood of Avalon Hills. “I don’t like the look of some of the people that are here.” Lime said. Some of the people that had come to the viewing of the body had a sharp predatory look. The small dog could see in their eyes, greed, dark and burning. Those people had money and property on the mind. Their unmasked desire was to his mind, a large sign of disrespect to the dead. “It can’t be helped; this is a nearly public viewing for Check Portals.” Biscuit said, he was on a short break from the guarding of the casket. The Dog Watch was rotating shifts so that every member could at least have the honor of watching over the neighborhood founder. Biscuit as a member in very good standing also was chosen to also be a pallbearer. Check Portals had put as a bequest in his will as a sign of how much he trusted the dogs. “He’s family though; they could at least show some sadness.” Cookie said. “Some are, and some aren’t, I think Mr. Portal’s may have taken that into account.” Biscuit said. “Only a certain number of Mr. Portal’s relatives were personally invited by to the estate.” Biscuit noticed a signal from one of the Dog Watch members. “I have to go; I have another shift coming up.” “So what do we do now?” Lime asked Cookie. “I don’t know about you but I smell bacon, ham, hot dogs and various other meat products!” Cookie said, the aroma of food wafted in the air and he headed towards the scent.---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “So you’re Dr. Bigglesworth.” Monty said after a short pause. “Not what you expected am I?” Dr. Bigglesworth said. “I didn’t know what to expect, not many people have seen you before.” Monty said. “Now that I think about it,Mr. Bigglesworth is such a common name for crazy cat ladies that you could have been anybody on the streets. “Dr.Bigglesworth I did not dedicate a portion of my life to higher education to be called merely Mr. Bigglesworth.” Dr. Bigglesworth said, shooting a look at Monty. “Well excuse me for not knowing there’s a doctor in the house.” Monty said. “So… what are you going to do with the rest of your life?” At Bigglesworth’s puzzled interjection Monty went on. “You aren’t going to mope around forever right? Not to be rude, but you’re giving off the vibe of a Victorian widow.” The orange cat stuck out his tongue from the side of his mouth. “I’m not like those Milton ferrets next door, drowning in rampant consumerism is not my style.” Dr. Bigglesworth said. “Not to mention I have to mind several businesses that are entrusted to me now that Father has passed on. All this is just so overwhelming!” Dr. Bigglesworth placed his head in his paws. “Not to mention it’s going to be lonely around here.” He whispered at the end of that motion. “Well, Biggles you don’t mind if I call you Biggles?” Monty said. Dr. Bigglesworth opened his mouth to say something but came out with a simple. “I do not really mind.” “Then Biggles, if you’re in need of a friend, why not pick me?” Monty said. Dr. Bigglesworth looked up in surprise. “Yeah I don’t really have any cats for friends.” Monty then whispered “Except for J but he doesn’t really count.” Mont Blanc started to run his paw through his head fur. “I live with three other dogs, so it’s not easy being feline with them running around.” “I’m not in a condition to decide right now.” Biggles said, but then he remembered his Father’s last request. “Maybe when the funeral is over with I might just take you up on your offer.” “If you do, you’d probably know where to find me, you probably have our records in a file somewhere. I have to go right now.” Monty sniffed “I smell meat, and Cookie will probably make meat architecture again, if somebody doesn’t keep an eye on him.”---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The landmarks of the world glistened in their oily glory. The Leaning Tower of Meatsa, the Taj Porkal, Codhenge, the Tower of Beefdon and the crowning piece was the Statue of Lamberty. “You know, Cookie the surprising thing about all this is how fast you’re able to make these.” Lime said. “Yeah, but that doesn’t make them any less delicious.” Cookie said, eyes shining at the feast arranged, physics and history merged together into a belly busting meal. “I hope that you are going to eat all of that,” Monty said, as he sat down at their table. “Codhenge is for you, Lime gets the Taj Porkal, and Biscuit gets the Tower Beedon, mom and dad get the Leaning Tower.” Cookie said. “Monty where were you?” Lime said. “Meeting new people” Monty said, he took Codhenge and began to dig into it. “I don’t have to share everything with you do I?” “No, no you don’t.” Lime said, and with a fork began to dismantle the Taj Porkal.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The funeral viewing was over, and the burial was over and done with. Biggles sat down and spoke to the butler Jenkins. “I’m ready.” Jenkins went to fetch the trustee that was stated to manage what of the estate was inherited by Dr. Bigglesworth. The person in question was the top of a list of prospective prospects, and what was important to Check Portals besides honesty, business savvy, and trustworthiness to take care of his pet that was left behind was the comedy value as well. “I guess this is your final joke then Father.” Biggles said. Jenkins came in and announced that the trustee had arrived. A rather pleasant looking human with brown hair came into the room. “Hello Mr. Trustee” Dr.Bigglesworth said, letting just a little smile to cross his face. “It looks like my future has been entrusted to you.

Edit:Thanks copper for the help

Last edited by justacritic on Sun Mar 18, 2012 10:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

oooh I wonder who this mr trustee isalso I love cookie's ability of food sculpture

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Sat Mar 17, 2012 12:22 pm

copper

Puppy Wrangler

Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:18 pmPosts: 6352Location: Florida

Re: Gift of Malums (Living Depends on You)

Why is every pet so talented!? Makes me feel inadequate next to them!

Good update. I really liked it. Biggles and Monty are going to be good friends. I hope Dr. Biggles can help Lime out a bit...

One little thing. rampart is a noun, Rampant is the word you were looking for, I think.

_________________My charactersEverybody has a story to tell. What's yours?

Sun Mar 18, 2012 9:30 pm

justacritic

Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2012 8:23 pmPosts: 151

Re: Gift of Malums (Living Depends on You)

copper wrote:

Why is every pet so talented!? Makes me feel inadequate next to them!

Everybody has their strengths and weaknesses Cookie may have skill in architectural and structural art but more on that later in a hopefully humorous way.

Wolfy wrote:

oooh I wonder who this mr trustee isalso I love cookie's ability of food sculpture

He is who he is , also yeah are you able to recognize which landmarks Cookie built?

Now the next chapter in which fun is had with imagination and a new pet is introduced.

Lime looked out at the dreary landscape outside the window. The dog tapped the windowsill, with the depressing lack of sunlight and cloud cover as a backdrop in the sky. After all this time the small dog was woefully ignorant of the majority of the neighborhood. He would have liked to learn more about what other pets were living here in Avalon Hills. Yet his passive approach was only partly successful in getting himself to move around the community. The little dog needed his siblings with him for support, since he continued to remember dimly that his walking out alone contributed to his situation. Even then with another dog along, Lime had fallen down a cliff though Cookie was able to get help. He took out the little stone from that day, a smooth stone with a hole worn away by water in the middle. Ever since Lime had picked up the stone, he had seen little hazes occasionally. At first the dog considered them to be tricks of the light. However that changed when, he on a whim looked through the stone one time. The hazes still existed but they became clearer shapes, and thankfully they did not seem to notice him. Lime was now a dog so the fact that he was able to see invisible things wasn’t as much as a shock. He would have liked an explanation for why all this was happening though. “LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!” Cookie shouted, nearly scaring his brother out of the chair he was sitting in. “Yes Cookie?” Lime said as he was clenching the sides of the chair. “Since playing outside doesn’t look like a lot of fun won’t you join us?” Cookie said. “Alright” Lime said “But what am I joining in?” The dog hopped down from the chair. Cookie put on a satchel and a paper bag that had a cap drawn on it. “Why a puzzling adventure of course!”---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A cardboard box with “car” labeled on the side of it was being “driven” through roads. “Professor Biscuit, why are we going to a town in the middle of nowhere?” Cookie asked. “Remember the newspaper a few days ago Cookie? The reclusive millionaire Charles Winder disappeared several months ago.” Professor Biscuit said. “He left a very strange letter behind in which he stated that he would return and reward the finder of the treasure known as the Crystal Orange.” The Labrador held up the newspaper. “The problem was that no one had even heard of such a treasure before it was mentioned in the letter. Many people had tried to find the Crystal Orange in the hopes of the reward but no one succeeded until the wife of Mr. Winder called with a request for assistance.” “I guess that they’ve finally heard of the famous detective Professor Biscuit and his apprentice!” Cookie said. Professor Biscuit laughed at that “Well I’m not a detective but I do like puzzles and a gentleman could never deny the request of a lady.” Professor Biscuit continued to drive. “Ah Cookie it seems we’ll be in need of directions for the rest of the journey, be a chap and take a look at the map. “Alright Professor” Cookie took out the map from the glove compartment and looked at it. “What the?” The map was a confusing maze with instructions written in the margin. “It seems that the lady wishes to test us and our worth, I trust that I can leave this to you?” Professor Biscuit said. “Don’t worry, Professor Biscuit leave it to your apprentice!” Cookie said.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In another house in the neighborhood of Avalon Hills, one would see another dog physically training. This pet in question is a Pharaoh hound and his name is Ramun. One could say that he is the enforcer for the Dog’s Club in Avalon Hills. Plenty of cats that wish to listen in on the Good Ol’ Dog’s Club meeting must do so discreetly. They fear being found out and being forced to face the body that has been passed down through Ramun’s line for generations! In Ramun’s room there was a large clay tablet that was for the moment blank. At times mysterious writing would appear upon it. The Pharaoh hound’s owner would at times hear Ramun talking to nobody in particular but when the human asked the dog what he was doing, Ramun gave the universal answer of “nothing.” Now as Ramun was lifting weights he spotted new words appearing on the tablet again. He smirked as he read the message on the clay, it seemed that the competition he was in was soon to include a new element. “It doesn’t matter.” Ramun laughed “in the end victory will be achieved with the body passed down the Pharaoh line for Generations!” The boisterous laughter that struck terror into the hearts of many felines continued long after that.-------------------------------------------------------------------- “Well that was fun” Lime said, taking off the paper bag and fake mustache and looked at the devastated tower of boxes on the floor. Beside it was a huge box with the label of “flying machine” on it.“You make a great villain Lime.” Cookie said as he tossed the paper bag with a cap drawn on it to one side “How do you do it?” “I think it’s the fact that being attacked by something so small is so unusual that he becomes more menacing.” Biscuit folded up the top hat paper bag.“Yeah” Monty chuckled “he’ll always be our little brother.”“If you have enough time to laugh at my height, you should have enough time to help clean up shouldn’t you?” Lime said.Cookie and Monty looked away awkwardly and sheepishly. Biscuit said “You know you’re not setting the best example for our little brother” grinning at the cat and dog. “And you two often wonder where I’m getting all my money from.” Lime said as he puffed air out of the side of his mouth. The four pets went to picking up and stacking the boxes in their proper place.

Edit:fixed mistake in name thanks RandomGeekNamedBrent

Last edited by justacritic on Sat Mar 24, 2012 10:41 am, edited 1 time in total.

Fri Mar 23, 2012 9:20 pm

copper

Puppy Wrangler

Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:18 pmPosts: 6352Location: Florida

Re: Gift of Malums (Living Depends on You)

Nice update. A wonderful little side adventure while you introduce the menacing Ramun. Wouldn't like to meet him in an alley.

Biscuit makes a good villain because he is evil, I just know it!

_________________My charactersEverybody has a story to tell. What's yours?

Fri Mar 23, 2012 10:45 pm

Roarin

Game Master

Joined: Wed Feb 22, 2012 9:33 pmPosts: 2853Location: Agloe, New York

Re: Gift of Malums (Living Depends on You)

Awesome fanfic! interesting characters. mysterious yet humorous plot. Cant wait fer more ! The imaginate game they were playing kinda reminded me of this one game i saw. i think it was on the DS...Called Dr. Layton...or something along those lines... i think.

It's Professor Layton, and I'm pretty sure that was what he was basing the game on.

and in the 4th sentence, you said Avalon Gardens instead of Hills

_________________I'm a shape-shifter. I'm currently in whatever form I feel likeParadigm Shift by meI do not actually believe any of what I'm saying.RP character sheets

Sat Mar 24, 2012 7:56 am

justacritic

Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2012 8:23 pmPosts: 151

Re: Gift of Malums (Living Depends on You)

copper wrote:

Nice update. A wonderful little side adventure while you introduce the menacing Ramun. Wouldn't like to meet him in an alley.

Biscuit makes a good villain because he is evil, I just know it!

Oh Ramun is scary in a different way as everybody will probably see later.As for Biscuit, you'll be surprised at the depths that he has...Now anyway here's another fun filled chapter please comments and assistance with editing is welcomed as always.

Monty and Dr. Bigglesworth were lying down on the lawn in front of Dr. Bigglesworth’s manor. A lazy spring day with the crisp breeze and the shining sun peeking through the clouds was perfect for that sort of activity. “Mont Blanc have you ever noticed that the clouds seem to form images of objects at times?” Dr. Bigglesworth said.“Sure doesn’t everyone see things in the clouds?” Monty said.“I have not gone out of the house on regular occasion and when I have, looking in the sky just to watch the clouds for images was not on my agenda.” Dr.Bigglesworth said.“Well, it’s a fun thing to do when you’re bored but sometimes I wish I could just draw something into the sky.” Monty said.“I’ve read that there are skywriters who use exhaust from their planes to create messages in the atmosphere.” Dr. Bigglesworth said.“Yeah but I want to draw actual pictures…” Monty said, he closed his eyes and opened them again when he was struck with an idea. “Biggles I know what we’re going to do today!” -----------------------------------------------------------------------There were a lot of disadvantages that came with being of a breed that was small and cute. One was that even with companies manufacturing bikes that dogs and cats could ride on, there was still a shortage of bikes that Lime could ride. In the end the only vehicle that Lime could ride on was instead of a bicycle, a tricycle. It was one of the little red iconic trikes with the back two wheels connected with a flat base. Lime pedaled on the road, following his two brothers that were on their own bikes. “After all this trouble I still don’t believe that they never made bicycles for smaller dogs. Lime said.“Aw but you look so cute with that tricycle.” Cookie said pedaling his bike, a steel frame that had flashes of gold lightning painted on it. He was tall enough to be able to have one of the dog sized bikes.“Also think of it this way, you don’t have to worry about balancing all the time.” Biscuit said. His own bike was blue with little waterproof gold star stickers around the frame. Both of the bikes that the larger dogs owned had been modified by the companies to better suit pets. The size of the handle bars, location of the brake and gear shifts, tail guards on the seat, and a shield to prevent leg fur from being caught in the chain or gears. All of these were altered to make the bikes safer for pets, though some humans used the altered vehicles as well. “And you’re not having a laugh at my expense are you?” Lime asked. However the faces of stifled laughter on both of his siblings told the small dog all he needed to know.--------------------------------------------------------------------------Dr. Bigglesworth and Monty were tinkering with some devices when Biggles suddenly asked “Hey where’s Jenkins?”“He’s your butler isn’t he?” Monty said.“Yes, I find it odd that he disappears when I’m playing with you.” Bigglesworth said.“But he always there when you actually need something, so… don’t worry about it so much. I mean he is a butler, it’s not an easy job so don’t deny him a little break right?” Monty said. He hammered in the final part.“Yes but I just wonder what he does when he is not here.” Biggles said. “Well at least we’ve finished the Cloud Paint-o-matic!” “Do you really have to add o-matic to everything you make?” Monty raised an eyebrow.“Then how would I differentiate my wondrous creations from any other two bit gadget, widget, device, or doohickey?” Biggles said. “Anyway the Cloud Paint-o-matic has a tablet in which you input a stencil and the machine creates an osmotic imbalance in water concentrations in the atmosphere. Then the other water molecules rush into the space to address this imbalance and with the molecules clumped together, they become dense enough to form clouds.” Biggles made an outline of a shape “And because the osmotic imbalance only occurs in a certain area, only that area will form a cloud and the resulting shape is a drawing in the sky!” Biggles spread his arms wide. “Now, Monty take it away!”Monty began to sketch on the tablet pictures and pictures of fish. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------Meanwhile in another part of Avalon Hills Cookie looked up at the sky. “Hey look doesn’t that cloud look like a fish?” He said.“That one looks like a fish too.” Biscuit pointed out another section of the sky.“And so does that one” Cookie said.“And those as well” Biscuit said waving at an entire arc of the sky.“It’s an entire school of them!” Cookie said staring upwards at the sight. “That’s odd” Lime said.“What’s the matter Lime?” Biscuit said taking his eyes away from the schools of cloud fish.“There’s a huge amount of clouds in the sky, and air should only be able to hold so much water vapor until it condenses back into a liquid right?” Lime said and at that a roar of thunder passed over the three dogs. “No way am I getting this trike wet” Lime turned around in the other direction and started pedaling away.“Hey wait for us!” Cookie said pedaling as fast as his legs could.Biscuit shook his head and felt some light drops fall on his fur. “Better get home then” He said to himself “You two wait for me!” The Lab mounted his bike and started riding towards home.----------------------------------------------------------------------------“It still worked really well” Monty said “Until there were too many clouds.”“Yes I forgot to take into account the saturation of air, oh well I’ll tinker with that another time” Biggles said as he wheeled the Cloud Paint-o-matic into storage.“I wonder if you could use that anywhere” Monty said.“No there has to be water already existing in the atmosphere so it wouldn’t be useful during a drought or in a desert.” Biggles said.There was a car honk in the distance. “Oh that must be my mom here to pick me up then.” Monty said. “I’ll see you off then” Biggles said, the cat walked his friend up to the front door and watched the orange cat run over to his parent’s car. “Bye Monty, see you later, promise me that you’ll introduce me to this J pet you talked about.” Biggles said he sighed as he turned around. Now his only friend had left to go home. “Sir?”Biggles was startled and relaxed when he saw the speaker. “Oh there you are Jenkins.”

Edited to fix double negative Thanks copper

Last edited by justacritic on Wed Mar 28, 2012 8:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

Tue Mar 27, 2012 10:24 pm

copper

Puppy Wrangler

Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:18 pmPosts: 6352Location: Florida

Re: Gift of Malums (Living Depends on You)

Huh... so is Jenkins just an imaginary friend brought out for Monty or something because of crushing loneliness?

Lime must looks so cute! We need a drawing of that....

One little thing...

Quote:

“After all this trouble I still don’t unable to believe that they never made bicycles for smaller dogs. Lime said.

It is a double negative. Very awkwardly worded. Maybe change it to "I'm still not able to believe..." or something of the sort?

You also missed a comma in the preceding sentence.

Great story! Can't wait for the next part!

_________________My charactersEverybody has a story to tell. What's yours?

_________________I'm a shape-shifter. I'm currently in whatever form I feel likeParadigm Shift by meI do not actually believe any of what I'm saying.RP character sheets

Wed Mar 28, 2012 1:49 am

justacritic

Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2012 8:23 pmPosts: 151

Re: Gift of Malums (Living Depends on You)

copper wrote:

Lime must looks so cute! We need a drawing of that....

Great story! Can't wait for the next part!

I take very long when I try to draw something so don't hold your breath but I'll try.

And here's what you want the Summer's begun and some pets have some fun.This is the first time that I'm actually bringing canon characters into the spotlight so there may be some problems with characterization. Please let me know so I may improve my skills in depicting other characters.

The start of summer brings heat, people and pets outside for some strange reason. The dog park was filled with canines and their owners. The latest new arrivals were Cookie and Lime with their father Mr. Sweet. Cookie was playing catch with his father and his brother. At least Cookie was trying to play with his brother. The small dog had trouble catching the ball, with his mouth. Lime was always bowled over by the force of the pitch. “Ow, my jaw’s a bit sore; I think I’m going to lie down a bit okay?” Lime said. He walked off to find somewhere cool enough to sit down.“Okay Lime but promise to be careful.” Mr. Sweet said.Lime nodded and continued on his way and the next toss by Mr. Sweet went long with Cookie chasing after it.------------------------------------------------------------------------------Biscuit patrolled the perimeter of the dog park. The neighborhood dog watch had several members on watch to keep an eye out for suspicious people. The Labrador was taking an early shift since both Cookie and Lime were already here at the park. He checked his equipment, a panic whistle that could be heard at quite a distance, a GPS locator tag, and a handheld transceiver. The last item was supplied fairly recently by the late estate of Check Portals. The neighborhood dog watch needed a better system to communicate and they received it. The radio also had a line to connect with law enforcement authorities, a privilege that no dog watch member dared to abuse. Biscuit then set out swinging into a walking pace that was easy on the legs.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------Elsewhere there was a small gray husky that was approaching a small green tree. When he approached the tree he saw there a while and it appeared to be someone that he knew very well. “King?” he said.The dog that he was referring to looked up from his quick nap. “I’m sorry but I’m not royalty.” A dog with green eyes said. Now that the husky took a closer look he noticed the dog in front of him had different markings and collar than his friend King. “ I’m sorry but you look like somebody else I know. I’m Fox.”“ Nice to meet you Fox, my name is Lime.” Lime said “ I’m not bothering you or anything, am I?” “ Not really I just sit here to read books most of the time.” Fox sat down next to Lime. “ that won’t bother you will it?” Lime shook his head and Fox took out 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea and began reading. While Fox was reading he took a look at the dog next to him. Lime looked similar to King except for some differences in markings and length of tail. If Fox could sniff Lime he could probably check to see if the two were the same breed. However Fox was reminded of the time he asked if King wished to sniff him and wondered if Lime would be the same. Fox decided to risk it.--------------------------------------------------------------In another part of town two cats named Monty and Bigglesworth were just about to sit down to see a movie. Somehow Bigglesworth was able to get an advanced screening of the next Pridelands movie. He also invited Monty along to watch as well and Bigglesworth was able to rent out the entire movie theater. “ I still can’t believe that you were able to get an advance screening.” Monty said.“The film needed some of the special effects one of the companies supplied so in lieu of part of the cost I requested that they send in an advance copy of the film.” Bigglesworth said “Of course don’t record this or it might damage the company’s reputation.”“Don’t worry, Oh, there you are Jenkins.” Monty said as the Butler came back with some popcorn and soda.---------------------------------------------------------------After the dog park a small corgi named King came grumbling up to a tree. However not all met the eye for this corgi was actually once a human named Joel. He knew this park for it was where he made one of the biggest mistakes in his life. The actions taken there were what led to him being a corgi right now. He arrived at the tree and saw the only dog who was perhaps the only friend that he had right now. “Hey Fox…” King said and saw the other corgi beside Fox. The other dog looked up and asked “Are you King?”“Yeah and who are you?” King said and found out that the other corgi was named Lime. They both looked at each other and had different thoughts. Lime had to look up to see King’s face and thought that the outline of King looked like static at one point but when he rubbed his eyes it was gone. He could see that the tag that King wore was the chess namesake with a black and white collar with a yellow plate in front. As for King he couldn’t see anything that could tell him for the reason behind Lime’s name. Lime was shorter than King and had slightly different markings around the eyes and the paws. They also had different eye colors with King’s being blue and Lime’s ties being green Also Lime’s collar was in the shape of the key and the collar was green with gray and silver highlights. “So how do you know my name?” King asked.“Fox accidentally thought I was you” Lime said and he looked quite distressed and almost ready to cry. And cry he did causing both Fox and King to ask what the matter was. “I finally meet another of my breed and it turns out I’m still shorter than you!” Lime sobbed out.---------------------------------------------------------------------“While at least you met somebody else to talk to besides me.” Fox said sitting back down. He and King got the dog Lime cleaned up and walked him back to his parent. “Only because you mistook him for me” King said glaring in the other direction.“Well you’ll need somebody else besides me to talk to and who knows maybe he’ll look up to you.” Fox snickered while King turned his glare on Fox for a moment and looked away. The summer was far from over and perhaps better days were ahead.

Sat Mar 31, 2012 10:10 pm

musclecar326

Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2011 10:30 pmPosts: 684

Re: Gift of Malums (Living Depends on You)

I have just one question, how did Fox and King get to the park in Avalon Hills? Also Great job so far i like your story a lot.

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Sun Apr 01, 2012 6:51 pm

justacritic

Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2012 8:23 pmPosts: 151

Re: Gift of Malums (Living Depends on You)

musclecar326 wrote:

I have just one question, how did Fox and King get to the park in Avalon Hills? Also Great job so far i like your story a lot.

I can't remember if the dog park was exclusive to Babylon Garden Pets, if so my explanation is that it was a facility sharing agreement between the two neighborhoods. Does that answer your question then?

Sun Apr 01, 2012 7:37 pm

copper

Puppy Wrangler

Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:18 pmPosts: 6352Location: Florida

Re: Gift of Malums (Living Depends on You)

Did you rush through this update? Seems like there are more spelling and grammar issues than normal.

Fox and King show up now, eh? Lime and King will make good friends, I am sure.

Fox just can't tell smaller breeds apart. Poor Lime.

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