So I'm going to try this again. My computer decided to close down the internet last night as I was mid-post. Grrrrr. I'm working on being comfortable in posting here again. My world has been pretty shaken up these past couple of months. I feel like I may be finding my new normal now. There's still a lot of confusing bits to work out. I'm not completely sure how to relate to RP as a friend. I find that when we do get together and chat in person that everything is OK and I can just be me and it isn't weird at all. And then I go home and I start over thinking it. For the most part I only chat with friends once or twice a week. Is that what I should be doing here or should there be more? I have ntoo idea.

The other thing I'm finding it incredibly hard to say anything about here is my new relationship. I don't know that it happens often that you get taken off guard with feelings for a metamour. I did try to talk myself out of it for a long time. I knew there would be change. Change isn't easy and it can be really scary. Right now though I am happy. I'm not sure what tomorrow will bring at this point. I have no control over tomorrow, no one does.

I'm beginning to understand what it means to be less attached to outcomes. It has nothing to do with not being attached to people. It's about not trying to fit people into a specific place in your life. It's about enjoying people in how you're relating to them in the moment. If we stopped putting definitions on the type of relationship we have with people we would probably be happier. There are unspoken internal definitions that come with expectations around words like "friend" "partner" "lover" "spouse" ect. Then come all the shoulds that come along with those internal definitions.