And then– just like waves– the relief abruptly disappears. Nat clears her throat and I look at her again, but a little more carefully this time.

2

It’s stunning, which shouldn’t really be a surprise. It’s not called Red Square because it’s red. It’s because the Russian word for red–KpaCHaR— also means “beautiful.” This is their beautiful square.

3

Why didn’t anyone explain that there was actually some kind of skill involved in being a model? Why didn’t somebody tell me that I’d have to actually do something? Why didn’t they know I’d be rubbish?

4

All I’m thinking, over and over and over again, is: How? How do I make everything go back to exactly the way it was? Because I’ll go through everything again– the bullying, the ugliness, the unpopularity– just to have my old life back.