Has life lost its spark? Does it feel hallow and empty? Has the meaning of your life been lost to the daily grind of living? Has the flame gone out?

If you feel like something is missing, whether large and numbing or small and vaguely unsatisfying, it may be time to reevaluate the meaning of your life, or perhaps simply add more meaning to it.

Not too long ago, my friend Lori from Life, for instance, got me thinking about the issue of meaning and purpose again. The conversation was clarifying.

The Slow Poison of Meaninglessness

Imagine living a whole life, getting to the end of it, looking back and thinking your life was without purpose or significance, that you touched no one, accomplished nothing, that your life simply did not matter.

Life – Meaning = Unhappiness

Meaning and purpose are to happiness what a plot is to a play or cheese is to pizza. They are the heart and soul, the content and the subject matter of a life. Omit those ingredients, and you will likely be left with a bitter taste in your mouth when all is said and done.

In other words, meaninglessness and happiness cannot coexist in the same person at the same time. They are mutually exclusive conditions.

And yet we sometimes define ourselves in such narrow ways as to limit the amount of meaning that’s available.

We make the mistake of weaving our lives with a single thread, making the fabric of our lives much more tenuous and susceptible to unraveling than needs be.

Never Put all your Meaning in One Basket

When we derive meaning from a single source of purpose, we set ourselves up for disillusion and pain, especially when that single thread of meaning becomes worn thin.

And yet some continue to solely define themselves professionally. Their sole sense of meaning becomes the work they do (“I’m a cop” “I’m a teacher” “I’m a doctor”). But what happens when they are laid off or can no longer be a cop or teacher or doctor?

Meaning, in such circumstances, turns to ash and life turns upside down and identity fades to confusion, doubt and despair.

Still others solely define themselves by their relationships (mother, wife, boyfriend, BFF). But what happens to the meaning of their lives when the relationship is strained or ends?

It’s in such times that doubt and emptiness start to replace the certainty a bold sense of meaning previously provided.

How can we create complex webs of meaning as a protection against life’s challenges to single threads of purpose?

The key to a rich and meaningful life is the same as the advice that investment experts give investors: Diversify your portfolio!

4 Sources of Personal Meaning and Purpose

1. Meaningful Parenthood

Parenthood is both maddening and meaningful. It can be draining, monotonous and stultifying. But it can also be a rich source of profound meaning. But first, we need to reconnect to what is meaningful about it. As a parent, you are doing much more than feeding and changing and cleaning and scolding an alien spawn of, well, you fill in the blank. You are literally helping to raise the next generation.

You are raising a future spouse and parent and friend and neighbor and citizen and employee and employer. You very well may be affecting hundreds or thousands or even millions of lives by pouring your heart and soul into the work of parenting a child.

2. Meaningful Service

Those who report living the most meaningful lives are those who have dedicated themselves to a noble cause. They leave the comfort of the couch and touch lives, lift and serve and bless those who most need lifting and blessing. Significance is born out of being significant to others.

By connecting your life to something higher and bigger than your own wants, desires and whims, your life is elevated, infused with meaning and purpose. By committing to a noble cause, your life is endowed with the sublime.

3. Meaningful Faith

Those who feel connected to the Infinite, who believe life itself is innately purposeful, have access to a measure of purpose and meaning only available to people of faith. Meaning is found in working to fulfill the purpose of life.

By consistently (even though imperfectly) living up to a set of faith-based values, by fulfilling the cause of their creation, by living up to the tenants of their faith, such are blessed with a depth of purpose that can’t be matched outside of faith.

4. Meaningful Work

When you feel like the work you do benefits others, that you add value to your industry, that your profession is noble, that you make a difference, life takes on a deep shade of meaning and purpose. But you don’t have to be a doctor working on the cure for cancer to feel like your work in meaningful.

If a customer has a better experience shopping because of you, or a family is fed because you provided the service of feeding them or the streets are beautified or the industry is better able to meet its customers’ needs because of you, that itself can be deeply meaningful.

The Primary Sources of Meaning in My Life

I can talk a lot about the theories behind the science of meaning, but what about what I actually experience? Thankfully, I have a deeply meaningful life. But where does that meaning come from?

I’m a father of two amazing children. One is married and has made me a grandpa. She is kind and thoughtful and compassionate. She’s one of the best people I know. And I helped in all of that. I also have a boy who is still learning the ropes. He is extraordinary–so full of life and laughter and curiosity. There is intense meaning in guiding him and loving him and teaching him.

I’m a high school teacher. I influence developing minds and attitudes every time I step into my classroom. My profession itself is meaningful. What I do and what I teach and how I interact with my students provides additional layers of meaning to an already meaningful career.

I’m a blogger. I’ve been told by readers that I’ve affected them. Lives, it seems, are happier because of what I do here at Meant to be Happy. That deeply touches me and adds yet another layer of rich meaning and purpose to my life.

I’m a man of faith. Through my church, I am able to serve in capacities that change lives. I serve in a community of like-minded people, working to live by principles that lead us to serve others. There is so much meaning in my faith. It lifts and guides and builds me into something better than I would have been without it.

I’m a pretty decent guy. I am very aware of the power of example, that the person I am and strive to be matters, that others can look to me as a source of inspiration or as an excuse for their missteps, that it matters which one I live up or down to. By being a decent guy, others (children, wife, friends, associates, neighbors) see that. And since I’m personally inspired by friends, associates and other impressive people, I know the kinder, more thoughtful, more compassionate and courageous I am, the larger and more meaningful impact I can have on others in my circle of influence.

Final Thoughts

To wrap up this conversation, there’s a family I want to introduce you to. They were a middle class family of four, living a middle class life when the parents decided they wanted their kids to feel connected to a greater sense of meaning.

So they packed their essentials into two small carry-ons each and took off on a year-long quest around the world to test the proposition that service is the key to a meaningful life.

I became aware of them when a film producer who’s involved with the documentary contacted me. I watched the introductory trailer and checked out their website and was instantly sold. You can watch it here.

Their story is inspiring and helps put meaning and purpose and significance into perspective. I believe it will do just that for you as well. See how you can help inspire others through their story here.

Your turn …

• Did you watch the trailer? What did you think?
• What adds meaning and purpose to your life?
• We would love to read your thoughts in the comments below!

22 Comments

If you want contentment and purpose, seek meaning. Fun and pleasure are fleeting. Meaning has the power to cohere an entire lifetime of activity.

If you want guidance and a path with heart, seek meaning. Rules and formal structure are rigid, inflexible, and lifeless. Meaning allows us to have a coherent theme, while spontaneously responding to the infinite possibilities around us.

In whatever you do, give your life meaning. In the end, it is only meaning that we seek.

I feel like I have many different things that add meaning to my life but what I struggle with is gratitude. I never really think about the awesome things I have going on until it’s forced, which when I’m already feeling in a dark place. Having the sources of meaning is great, but without gratitude then you don’t feel too well, like I do at times.Vincent recently posted … Hitting Rock Bottom, 3 Lessons Learned from Below

You make an excellent point, Vincent. Life can be packed to overflowing with richly meaningful activities, but if we are not in the frame of mind to feel grateful for them, they would hardly make much of a difference to how we feel.

I know a lot of people advocate keeping a gratitude journal and studies have verified their efficacy. Personally, I use prayer. Regularly, I’ll fill a single prayer only with those things I’m grateful for. It forces me to “count my blessings” and think and thank God for all the little and big things it’s so easy to take for granted.

If prayer isn’t your bag, I would still recomend it, but meditating on the same thigns I thank God for would be effective too.

Anyway, just thinking there must be a way to more frequently feel the meaning burn in our hearts. Like you say, gratitude is key to that.

Living simply gives my life meaning and purpose. It seems to me that happiness comes with those “intangibles” – the emotions, the community, the gatherings, the conversations, the love and the smiles. Creating an intentional community is next on our list – to get and to give more rewards in life, to spend our time with like minded eco-individuals, all living a sustainable life together.

I love the idea of gathering or joining a like-minded community. A richly rewarding life lived in isolation does not usually sustain its depth of meaning for very long. But to share it, to reinforce it with others, to be a source of encouragement and inspiration and wisdom to a group of people experiencing the same kinds of things, holding the same kinds of values, aiming at the same kind of life makes an already meaningful life that much more meaningful.

Great post Ken. I believe that many people need this kind of message today. The scenarios you describe above are happening all too often and this can take one’s sense of worth away. Diversifying your portfolio is a great way to keep meaningfulness intact. Neil Butterfield recently posted … Behavior: Could food be to blame?

Thanks Neil. Unfortunately, I agree. So many people are disconnected and disconnecting from external sources of meaning (service clubs, charities, churches) and increasingly doing charity by virtue of a click of the mouse, sending a donation to this or that cause. That’s not insignificant, but the more we distance ourselves from communities of like-minded people, we distance ourselves from another source of meaning.

Others, like you say, pursue career or count Facebook friends in search of meaning. Others don’t think much about it at all. So they vegetate through life. Still others live pretty meaningful lives raising children, being decent people, but sadly feel more trapped and frustrated than blessed and significant. The perspective is just set askew and they pay an emotional price for it.

But hopefully you and I and others online are reaching a growing number of people with a different message.

Science is the methodical study of the universe in its various aspects (physical, chemical, biological, social, mental). Science deals with questions that can be decided by experiment and observation. Consequently, it can attain a “definite body of truths” (“positive results”) at least in some domains. Says Russell: “If you ask a mathematician, a mineralogist, a historian or any other man of learning what definite body of truths has been ascertained by his science, his answer will last as long as you are willing to listen.” Wherever science is effective, it achieves not only “well defined” but accurate and valid knowledge as well. Scientific knowledge advances by accumulation constantly superseding its previous historical stages. Scientific language is univocal and its propositions have unambiguous reference. However, science has its limits. It cannot tell us what is beautiful, good or just, what is the meaning of life, and what we can hope for. Science does not provide evaluative and interpretive knowledge. Moreover, science does not include full knowledge about itself. As Russell points out, the sciences cannot attain the unity of scientific knowledge by themselves. For that purpose they need to turn into a meta-study, which surpasses their methods and competence and leads to philosophy.Ron L. Owens recently posted … No last blog posts to return.

Thanks for the erudite analysis, Ron. Science does have its limits. Like you say, love, human decency, the beautiful and the meaning of life are largely out of the reach of science. That’s where human experience steps in and fills the void. We can put the theories of meaning and purpose to the test, try them on for size. Philosophy is indeed needed, but lots of philosophy has hurt lots of people. Not all philosophy is subjective. Perhaps meaning and purpose rests somewhere in between philosophy and science, that gray middle blend of things science doesn’t seem altogether fond of. It’s something very personal, but doesn’t stray far afield universal principles.

I sometimes think that people aren’t necessarily looking for meaning in their life, Ken, but do want the experience of being ‘alive’ not just going through the motions. Maybe they’re one and the same, I don’t know.

I do know, for myself, that waking up each morning and asking myself what good did I do today, leads me to have all kinds of little experiences that are uplifting for my spirit. Nothing great or grand, just tiny sparks of love sprinkled throughout the day.

You’re probably right, Elle. Though I wish more would seek more meaning in their lives. It’s difficult to experience anything like sustained happiness, contentment, life-satisfaction, a sense of significance without some purpose or meaning. Meaninglessness may be at the heart of at least some of the depression epidemic. As society increasingly seems to steer those who don’t stand on very sturdy emotional foundations off the road a bit, seeking happiness in adrenaline rushes, Hollywood glitz and glam and lots and lots of sex, popularity and the sculpting the perfect bod, a good dose of deeper stuff might be just what the doctor ordered.

I do think you’re onto something suggesting that seeking something more than just going through the motions of life is itself a search for meaning, or for doing something more meaningful with their lives.

Very well said, Ken. Your life seems meaningful indeed. Giving of yourself each day in your teaching work must be a wonderful thing to do.
I find that little things can add up to find meaning in life. When life gets hard I try to hold onto the little things like a hug or a smile to keep me going.Anne recently posted … The Climb

Thank you Anne! I have certainly been blessed in that way. I think most of life’s meaning is about all the little daily moments of meaning we experience. So point well made, Anne! It’s amazing how far a hug and smile can carry us, right?

The purpose to my life and I would expect, to many others is to live a life that aligns with my core values as a human being. We are all different, therefore we shouldn’t go through our lives following the socially accepted protocols that are thrust upon us.

This would assume that we are all the same – we are not. Every one of us is different, with our own hopes, dreams, fantasies, realities and goals. If we all work toward living with true integrity – then the world will be a much happier place.jamie flexman recently posted … Everything That Happens To Me Is Great

I like that, Jamie. When we align ourselves to our core values, how could we but have a sense of meaning and purpose and direction in our lives?

And then, like you said, to live with integrity to those values, pursuing the life and goals that reflect and honor those principles is a happy life of richly experienced meaning for sure. Thanks for adding that point, Jamie. That was needed.

I like what Dan said – seek meaning and give your life meaning. The words that really jumped out for me were those verbs – seek and give. Too many people want meaning in their life, but they expect it to just happen. I think the only really way to have meaning and purpose in your life is to know yourself well enough to understand what it is that will create that meaning and purpose for you. Like you said, life happens and all the other stuff that might be part of what is meaningful for us can disappear in a second – people die, jobs are eliminated, and so on. We need constants in our life that continue to provide us with meaning and purpose so when those factors that are outside of our control ebb and flow, as they will, we can still cling to what matters – things like parenting, nurturing relationships, developing our faith. Those are the things that maybe help us to hold it together when the other stuff falls apart, too.Lisa recently posted … It&#8217;s Not Easy Having Greens &#8211; CSA Update

I couldn’t have said it better myself, Lisa! Those constants are so important. I like the ones you mentioned too: parenting, nurturing relationships and faith. But even those can be less constant than we would like. Children are sometimes taken by disease or accident. Nurtured relationships can change or fall apart. We can only directly control our own behavior and attitudes, not those we’re in relationships with. That’s what faith, to me, is such an important part of living a life of inherent meaning. Character that extends from that faith adds a steady sort of purpose to an unpredictable life as well. But the more threads of meaning we weave into our lives, the better. Then when one falls apart, we’re not left with nothing to hang onto.

Thanks for the beautifully-worded wisdom, Lisa. I’m so glad that insight was added to the conversation.

I like what you said about having many threads of meaning in our lives so that if one does snap, there are others to hang onto. I can’t begin to tell you how important that has proven for my family right now.Lisa recently posted … Growing Up

So many of us wrap everything into one big thing. We put all our emotional eggs in one basket. And then when that one thing, that one basket unravels, our whole sense of life does too.

It really is life-saving to spread meaning wide. Sounds like your family has gone through some trials lately, Lisa (that’s what I sensed from your comment, anyway). The name of your blog suggests you’ve done a lot of thinking about meaning. That’s an important foundation to have to help weather those storms.

Hope the storms of settled a bit and you’re in for some smooth sailing for a good long while!

Yes, indeed we have. Husband’s position was eliminated a year ago…and it just unfolds from there. Been a really rough year and continues to be so. But you have to take the lumps along with the sugar. Lisa recently posted … Hidden Talents

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Hi! I’m Ken Wert, founder of M2bH. My purpose here is to inspire you to live a richer life of greater purpose and meaning, of mind-blowing possibility and deeper, more soul-satisfying happiness than you ever dreamt was possible. Join us on this adventure of unlocking hidden potential to enjoy the rewards of a life well lived. Read more ...

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