Saudi Explanation

October 15, 2018

All right, everybody, I just got off the phone with the King of Saudi Arabia and he flatly denied he has any knowledge of whatever may have happened to his “Saudi Arabian citizen.” He’s trying to help, though, and said he thinks Jamal Khashoggi may have been a victim of fifteen “rogue killers” who flew in from Riyadh and nabbed Khashoggi after he got immigration documents for his fiancé and left the Saudi consulate in Istanbul.

We’ll get to the bottom of this. We’ll leave nothing uncovered. But the king’s a good guy who’s buying billions of arms from us and selling us lots of oil and standing up to Iran and he really likes me and the United States so maybe the killers weren’t really bodyguards of Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman.