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April 4, 2011

Do The Romance And Affection Have To Fade?

I’ve linked to the popular TreyMorgan.net before, and for good reason—the guy has a lot of good things to say about family, fatherhood, and marriage.

A couple weeks ago he posted an interesting article titled 9 Big Lies About Marriage that I thought was especially good, and I invite you to go check them all out for yourself here. One that stuck out to me particularly was number four on his list: “Romance and affection will always fade with time.”

I don’t know why we act like this is an inevitability in marriage. Yes, it’s true that with familiarity comes the potential for exciting things to fizzle, but it doesn’t have to be the case. Along with believing that lasting love is a choice you make every day, I also believe the same about romance and affection. If it’s died, it’s because you’ve made that decision.

Psychologists will tell us it has to do with the “thrill of the hunt.” You pursued her, you wooed her, and then you wed her. Why do we need to keep trying to capture her heart if we’ve already done it once? That’s simple: because her affection for you will fade over time if you don’t. Her heart will miss the chase. And it might just be that the reason you have that empty feeling in your stomach when you think about your relationship is because you miss the chase too.

So, hear this: Romance and affection do not have to fade.

In what ways can you keep the romance and affection alive in your marriage? Plan a date, kiss her every time you leave the house, kiss her every time you come home. There are a million different ways to romance your wife, just pick one, and then another one, and then another one, and watch those feelings from your dating days come back into focus.