How to Be Yourself Around Someone You Admire or Like

This article was co-authored by Tasha Rube, LMSW. Tasha Rube is a Licensed Master Social Worker in Missouri. She received her MSW from the University of Missouri in 2014.

There are 14 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.

It's hard to meet someone you admire or like. Most people act like a totally different person when they are around someone they admire or like. Keeping your cool, being yourself, or keeping perspective will all help you to be yourself around that person and overcome any anxiety. With time and a little practice, being around someone you admire or like will become easier.

Smile. Smiling has been shown to give people a better impression of you. When you smile, you show that you’re friendly and confident. If you want to make a good impression on someone you admire or like, it’s best to smile when you meet them.[1]

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Breathe. One of the key strategies for keeping your cool when you’re nervous for any reason is to simply breathe and focus on your breathing. Your heart will naturally slow down and you’ll feel calmer.[2]

Slow down when you’re talking. When you're nervous, you probably tend to talk faster, and this can cause the person you're talking to miss what you say. When you're talking to someone you admire or like, you don't want them to miss what you say! Speed-talking will make you seem nervous. Repeat to yourself, “Slow down. It’s going to be okay.”[3]

Make your posture seem relaxed but attentive. Making eye contact will let the person you're talking to feel know you’re paying attention.[4] You’ll want to keep a good posture by standing with your back straight and your arms at your sides. If you’re meeting this person for the first time, be careful not to act overly familiar by waving at them as though you already know them well.[5]

Listen to what the person you admire or like are saying. In addition to helping you keeping your cool, paying attention to what they are saying will let you to have something intelligent to say back. You may find yourself getting lost in anxiety or overthinking what you want to say to back to them. If that happens, think to yourself, “Listen.” This should help you return to the moment.[6]

Ask open-ended questions. By asking open-ended questions, you can get to know who they really are, not just your impression of them. It's okay to be quiet and listen while they talk. Give yourself time to think about an open-ended question they've just asked. Say, "Let me think about that for a second." As long as you answer the question they're asking openly and honestly, such a response won't make you seem like you're dodging something uncomfortable.[7]

It's also perfectly okay to set boundaries when they ask something you don't feel comfortable answering. You can say something like, "I appreciate how curious you are but I'm not really comfortable answering that right now."[8]

Prepare yourself. If you’re going to meet someone you admire or like for the first time, make sure you've researched about or found out a bit about them. This will help you know how to connect to with them.[9]You may also want to prepare yourself by listing out your good qualities on a sheet of paper before the meeting. This will remind you that you are worthwhile too, no matter how the interaction goes.[10]

If you're around someone you admire or like, you may want to look on their social media to see what they like or ask a mutual friend.

Don’t lie or exaggerate about yourself. It may be tempting to lie about connections, positions, or even personality qualities in order to make yourself look better to someone you admire or like. However, simply put, with the internet, it is often easy to find out any lies, especially if you are going to have a working relationship with the person for any amount of time. Secondly, when you lie about your abilities or personality, it can make you less confident about yourself and make the interaction even more tense.

For someone you like and may want to date, it is especially important not to lie, as dishonesty can quickly destroy trust in a relationship.

Find common ground. Finding something in common is one of the quickest ways to make a connection. While the research you have done about them will help you with this, it is important not to mirror them too much as this will make you seem creepy. However, simply talking over a recent show or book that has come out can foster conversation. Talking about common interests can also help connect you with a crush as well.[11]

Don’t think the worst. Remember that even if you make a mistake, it is unlikely that it will seem as big a mistake (if they see it as one at all) to the person you admire or like. When you're getting ready to meet someone you admire or like, talk the negative thoughts down and remind yourself that it is extremely unlikely that the worst, or even something very bad, will happen when you meet the person you admire or like.[12]

Remember that the person you admire or like is just a person like you. A lot of times you might get nervous around people you admire or like because you've built them into something they’re not. They aren’t perfect and they are human. They’ll do some things better than you, but it is just as likely that you'll do some things better than them. Remember to appreciate their skills as well as your own.[13]

Stay in the moment. Staying in the moment can help you keep perspective as it allows you to forget what the moment will look like to your friends or to think the worst of any mistakes you make. Taking the interaction moment by moment will help you to listen and also say what you want to say.[14]

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Community Q&A

That can be a good thing! Sometimes it's less awkward when you're not one on one. Just talk to both of them however you would normally talk to your friends. Make sure you're polite and nice to the friend, because if her friend doesn't like you, she probably won't either.

Try opening up to new people every day, and going out of your comfort zone a little - like maybe going to a coffee shop and talking to new people there, and making new friends at school or work. This will help you to not be so shy. If you're still feeling shy about the person you like, try talking to them about themselves. Ask a lot of questions. This tends to make conversation go a lot smoother.

I want to talk to an older girl I admire who's always in her group of friends, but I don't know what she'll say, since she barely knows me. How can I strike a conversation and make friends with her?

Community Answer

Just walk up and say something like, "Hey, how's it going?" Or if you know something about her, use that to strike up a conversation. If she's wearing a t-shirt with a band's logo on it, you could say, "Hey, I like that band too." If you know any of the classes she's taking, you could say something like, "Hey, you're in AP English, right? I was thinking about taking that next year, is it really hard?" Use what you know.

Reader Success Stories

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Eliza Stonebrook

Mar 8, 2016

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Apr 11, 2017

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