The four remaining crewmembers aboard the ship gathered in the med bay. Not because anyone was hurt, just because it was one of the only rooms left that wasn't covered in blood. They looked at one another gravely. They'd come so far. So many had died. But still, one of their number was a bullshitter alien guy.

Big cat was the first to speak. "I think we should proceed rationally. This is a delicate choice, and the consequences for making a mistake could have intergalactic ramifications. I'd hate to—"

An enormous plume of steam jetted out of mudd, cutting big cat off. He began clanking and whirring, and his head spun around wildly. Once everyone was looking at him, he immediately quieted down and became still. A panel on his front slid aside to reveal a lewd little speaking hole, which said, "Beep boop I think we should kill you."

"Yeah," said granger.

"Big time," said badvibes.

"No don't," Big cat protested, but she was cut off again by a loud honking from mudd. Once more, everyone looked at him expectantly. Another panel on his front slid aside, revealing another gross little hole. A laser bullet came out of this one really quickly, and went into big cat.

"You idiots!" she yelled. "How could you think I was the damn alien! I hate aliens! I'm human as hell!" She fell back onto the med table, and the others all gathered around her, hoping that she'd suddenly burst open or start oozing green or something. But nope. Classic human blood, coming on out of her body.

Big cat felt her strength leaving her. She thought of everything that had brought her to this place. The sheer chance of it. Hundreds of thousands of years of ancestors, reproducing and dying. Her parents, passing along their DNA. A chance interest in space as a young girl, blossoming into a professional career. Captain strawberry switchblade coming up to her at the sp'career fair and asking, "Are you a Trigger-Happy Bloodthirsty Nut?", and her saying, "Yes, I am that," and him saying, "Come work for me then." Such a delicate cosmos that it would yield implausible life, and give her the love of it. Such a cruel ballet that it would take both away. Such a godless existence that it would come to an unceremonious end here, on a junky freighter drifting through the void.

She opened her eyes and looked up at the other three. Her companions, her friends, her executors. She looked at their eyes, each of them in turn, and in those brief gazes saw contained the storied years of their friendship. Then she looked at their noses, each of them in turn, and thought about all the beautiful smells they'd smelled together, in space. Then she looked at their mouths, each of them in turn, and dr. badvibes was mouthing, "I'm an alien I'm an alien I'm an alien I'm an alien I'm an alien I'm an alien I'm an alien I'm an alien" over and over again, so she took out her blaster and shot him. Then she died.

badvibes didn't explode right away, he just started swelling up grotesquely. He looked at mudd and granger and asked, "Why? Why have you slaughtered us? We were no threat to you. We just wanted to live, and be happy, and enjoy one another's company, and you have gunned us down like lunatics."

"We're sorry," said granger. "It's just the way we are."

Then badvibes exploded, and the green went everywhere, and granger gobbled it all up like a little piggy because he loves the way that aliens taste which is disgusting. mudd just watched because mudd is a robot and cannot eat anything.

Then the two of them went to the bridge and banged on the door, and said, "Captain strawberry switchblade! All the aliens are dead! We're good!"

And Captain strawberry switchblade yelled back, "Really?"

And they yelled back, "Yup! Really!"

So Captain strawberry switchblade opened the door and looked at his two crewmembers, who were sorta dinged up and dirty and covered in blood and gunk. And they looked at him, and he looked great, because he'd been eating well and exercising and getting plenty of sleep.

They celebrated for twenty minutes, then they pushed everyone else's bodies into space and went the rest of the way to Jupiter-1000, where they split the payment for carting 20 space-tons of sp'opium across the galaxy. Then granger and mudd shot Captain strawberry switchblade in the back and divvied up his share, too. This made them both very rich and they lived forever. The end.

big cat is dead. She was a Trigger-Happy Bloodthirsty Nut.dr. badvibes is dead. He was a Me Too.mudd and granger survive and are rich now. They were both Trigger-Happy Bloodthirsty Nuts.

Crew wins.

Last edited by internetfriend on Sun Jan 17, 2016 6:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

thanks for playing guys. i was sorta back and forth about whether i should do this because i didn't know if it'd work or if people would be mad or not. i was glad that you guys stuck with it. it actually IS a sort of reasonable game despite the roles, i think. it's just also ridiculous. anyway this was a lot of fun for me. hope you had fun too. xoxo

I honestly thought your goal was to literally kill everyone, make Fuckles happy, and have that be the Moral Of The Story. Expected this final chain of retaliation kills to wipe all 4 remaining players out.

It was fun gradually figuring out what was actually going on and I would like to hear from the players on when/how quickly they put together the pieces.

[...I wish the mindworm had been real ]

galactagogue wrote:i usually just assume no one is into me, it makes it easier to be myself.

Suspension Bridge wrote:Werewolf was the best thing to happen to me in 2015 and that includes my wedding

bill wrote:every hooker deserves an Oscar for faking orgasms i swear to god

i was also really expecting this to 'break' somehow in a way that i hadn't foreseen, leaving us all stranded in an unsatisfying and interminable game. or for people to no-vote suicide. glad no one did that

Snatch wrote:I was wondering whether someone would try to use the retaliation kill on themselves

i concluded it probably wasn't legal, but if i'd been able to vote for myself i think it would have forced a tie. although even if it was legal it would have been a huge gamble on strawberry switchblade ending the day before anyone else switched votes due to my obvious alienitude

kit fox wrote:yeah when big cat came in with the badvibes vote I knew we were done. kudos cat.

i almost tried a last ditch ploy to say i reread the votes and granger was obviously team good (i did, and he was), and that no one should trig hap him, hoping that big cat would reread the votes and see that i was right and maybe not shoot me. the problem was that rereading the votes also shows that i was obviously bad, and even if it didn't he'd probably go with his first instinct and blast me.

VH Balanced wrote:It was fun gradually figuring out what was actually going on and I would like to hear from the players on when/how quickly they put together the pieces.

I figured out there must be a lot of bloodthirsties as soon as surly and snatch voted prematurely. Hoped surly would give up more info when I voted for him, but it was such a blaze of weird votes by then it probably didn't seem worth addressing.

after day 1 resolved and night 1 went quiet it was pretty obvious.I did entertain the concern that a me too might transform into something uglier if the game carried on too long, but turns out there was no risk.

this is a hard one for team alien because they have to have the last two standing to survive the cascade. Maybe if an empty ship counted as an alien win the stakes would be more even?

kit fox (I think?) asked for a kill d2 (I think?) and I was thinking of giving it to them just to hurry the game along. then the day 2 avalanche happened and I asked if they really wanted to give up the moral high ground and they said no