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Why Roll-on Deodorant is the Best (or, Why I Need to Stop Getting List Ideas in the Bathroom)

2: Spray deodorant makes a hissing noise. Roll-on deodorant is silent so as not to wake up your toilet…

3: Roll-on deodorant can be unscrewed from its container and, in a pinch, be used as a bright green decoration on a birthday cake. Just be sure to avoid eating it or anything it has touched.

4: If you bite into an aerosol deodorant, your face will explode; on the other hand, if you bite into a roll-on deodorant, all you’ll get is a satisfying crunch and a taste reminiscent of baking powder mixed with Bondo.

5: Roll-on deodorant can be carved into a tiny blue gun if you ever need to escape from a prison or jail run by imbeciles…

6: Viewed from the top, aerosol deodorant looks like a capital ‘O’; but, a roll-on, viewed from the top, looks like a Georgia O’Keefe painting.

7: You know who uses roll on? Firemen, astronauts and lumberjacks. Who uses aerosol? People who go out of their way not to end a sentence with a preposition. On what drug are they?

8: Roll-on deodorant has a dial on the bottom so you can pretend it’s a communication device and you are contacting the “mother ship”.

9: Roll-on deodorant can be used to glaze a holiday ham. Sure, it’s poisonous, but so are cloves…

10: Spray deodorant might be destroying the ozone layer. Roll-on is so environmentally safe that companies that make it often run out and kill a few spotted owls a year just to make up for it…