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A mum and a wife and sometimes just me

Thursday, 28 June 2012

The big decision

So a lot has been going on in my life lately...a journey of change I like to think of it...one for the better hopefully. At the beginning of this year I felt like I was drowning and at least now I may not be swimming I'm at least floating with my head above water. The past two weeks I have felt a bit flat and for the first time nervous of really talking about it with anyone. The old feeling of wanting to hide from the world and let people know what was really going on crept over me again. I have been on sick leave for several months now and I think from the beginning I made the decision that I was not going back. It's a big decision to make with so many implications for my family that while a weight lifted from my shoulders as soon as I made it other feelings came and sat right back on them. Sometimes though I have to remember that being a mum and a wife does not just mean taking care of my family it also means taking care of myself. It's pointless being an emotional wreck as it does not help anyone and definitely not myself. So yesterday after two weeks of procrastination I finally did it, I posted in a resignation letter. By the end of July I will officially be a stay at home mum. I know I want to go back to work eventually which means that I am at an incredible stage of this journey where I get to take a break and really think what I want to do...start afresh. I will have a long holiday in August with my boys and then hopefully September will be full of promises. I guess some people are envious of such things, being able to start anew and I know I can use what's happened as an amazing learning experience. I guess that is what I have been coming to terms with over the past two weeks. The part of me that just wants to brush it all under the carpet and pretend like it never happened. The important thing now for me though is that I am able to acknowledge when the negative feelings start to take over and find the best way to move away from them instead of just ignoring them. So this morning I got up took a shower and finally felt ready to face the day.