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Most wedding speeches are only listened to by the guests present. They are not instantly relayed to the world. Meghan Markle and Prince Harry are media savvy and unlikely to allow any speakers at their wedding to emulate the Best Man at the last , almost Royal wedding.

One newspaper reported ‘toe-curling ten minute address made several close-to-the knuckle references including likening Pippa to a dog’, He ignored these rules

Do not embarrass anyone, particularly the couple, don’t wash dirty linen in public

Tell stories not jokes, particularly off the internet. Sound false and can fall flat

Don’t go on too long, temptation to hog stage.3 to 7 minutes enough for most

Don’t just talk to your peer group. Grannies will not ‘get’ your in-jokes

Check your speech with the real heroes of the day, the couple. Don’t be the hero.

Think about what your audience want to hear, not what you want to say.

For more wedding speech wisdom check my book Unaccustomed As I Am… The Wedding Speech Made Easy in bookshops and on Amazon

Apparently Pippa (then) Middleton ignored my advice to her, for her best man, in my last post. There are many simple ‘rules’ that would have helped him. if he saw them he ignored them. The result according to various press reports was dismal :

The average wedding in the UK costs upwards of £20K. Venue, food, drink, flowers, invitations, accessories, accommodation, travel- (not to forget the outfits!) What will Pippa Middleton’s cost?

As she prepares for the big day, it’s worth noting that Just about the only ingredients that come free are the speeches. They will, or should be, the icing on the cake of the perfect day.

The speakers will have been chosen. However, there is advice they can be given to help ensure the memorable day is made even more memorable.

Here are six suggestions.

Stick to their brief. Whichever speech they’re making, they must find out what is expected. Who else is speaking and what will they be saying. How long should they speak? Are there any specifics to include? Anything they shouldn’t mention?

2. Don’t procrastinate. The speeches may be weeks away but it is never too soon to start preparing. They should have been written and checked by now. Leaving proper rehearsal time.

The more they rehearse, the more spontaneous they will be. The more they rehearse the more confident they will be.

3. Find a thread. Rather than a random collection of reminiscences and anecdotes, it will help if they ‘hang’ their speech around a single theme or thread. The speech will flow better and be more memorable.

4. Don’t embarrass. It is always tempting to tell a story that maybe hilarious to a few who are ‘in the know’ but which is meaningless or, much worse, offensive to other guests. This is unlikely in such a high profile event but it is one of the commonest errors.

Don’t wash dirty linen in public!

5. Keepit short. Make sure they stick to the time agreed beforehand. (Generally, two to three minutes for the shorter speeches and seven or so for the longest.) Don’t let them fall into the ‘nervousness’ trap of going on and on. As Dorothy Parker said: “Brevity is the soul oflingerie.”

6. Tell stories, not jokes. Don’t let them feel that jokes are obligatory. The audience will lap up personal stories well told and laugh along with them. They will be on much safer, and easier ground if they let themselves off the hook of being the next ‘great’ stand-up comic.

My book Unaccustomed As I Am… The Wedding Speech Made Easy is in bookshops and on Amazon

Ten things to bear in mind to help you manage nerves about your wedding speech

1. It’s natural to feel nervous. As Mark Twain said ” There are two types of speakers: those who get nervous and those who are liars.”

2.The audience is on your side. Unlike some speaking events, like a political rally, you face no hostility . They are not in critical mood. They don’t mind mistakes. They want you to succeed.

3.Know what is expected in your speech. Which speech? How long? Who’re you toasting? Who are you thanking? What must you cover? What to avoid? Answers early on lends confidence to preparation.

4. Don’t procrastinate. For some, nerves leads to delay in preparing the speech. This increases pressure on performance leaving no time to rehearse . Get your brain in gear ,

5. Master your start. The toughest, nerviest time is when you stand up, your first few words. So keep them simple, easy to say, no ‘clever’ joke. If you practise nothing else, practise the first 30 seconds. Master these, the rest will seem easy.

6. Take ‘bite -size’chunks. Don’t think of your speech as, say, 5 daunting continuous minutes. Break it down into separate short sections. 30 seconds or so. Pause between them. This will make your delivery easier

9. Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse. Ask a friend to ‘to direct’ you, How do you come across? The more you rehearse the more spontaneous you’ll be. The more you rehearse the more confident you’ll be.

10. Let your body talk. Just before speaking, find a private space and do some vigorous powerful movement, fist pumping ( I am the greatest! ) The powerful feeling will carry into your speech. Try it! And listen to Beyoncé:

” I get nervous when I don’t get nervous. If I’m nervous I know I’m going to have a good show.”

More ideas are in my book UnaccustomedAs I Am … The Wedding Speech Made Easy Amazon now and bookshops.

I don’t envy wedding planners! They have the toughest of jobs making that special day even more special. Everything comes under their influence! They don’t make the cake but they make sure it’s the best possible.

They don’t make the wedding speeches but could they do more to make them the best possible? Here are some practical suggestions.

Thorough briefing of all your wedding speakers Your speakers will normally have been chosen because they are family members or close friends. Not necessarily for their speaking ability. And among them, even experienced speakers will be relatively ‘unaccustomed’ to speaking at a wedding. This is where the briefing counts. It gives you, the planner, the reassurance that the speakers know what is expected of them. It gives the speaker answers to essential questions that they need to write their best speech,

The questions wedding speakers should ask. Which speech – who is the subject? How long should the speech be ( Get agreement!). What is the ‘pecking’ order of speaking? Who is to be thanked, for what? Are there any specific things to cover? Are there any no no’s that must not be mentioned? What is the make-up of the guest audience – numbers, ages, groupings, relationships, languages, nationalities, other? Where do speeches fit into the timetable (speaking to late evening festivity is different to morning alertness!) Is there a ‘theme’ for the day to be reflected in the speech?

Offer draft discussion opportunity. Some speakers will welcome this. An informed second opinion is reassuring before finalising a speech and a date in the diary is a useful ‘copy date’ to keep speech preparation on track. Reassuring to you too

Some will resist any opportunity. This might reflect confidence and competence from your speaker. But often it’s the reaction of the last-minute merchants. Having agreed to speak, possibly overcoming nervousness to say yes, they are putting off actually doing anything. You cant insist of course, but these are the speakers who need, and will benefit, from your intervention.

Speech Delivery and performance support. However much preparation goes into a speech it is the way it is delivered that will make it a success. As the wedding planner you can help in two important ways. Firstly make sure the speaker can check out the venue well speaking. Can they be seen, can they be heard, does the sound system work, are they well positioned to talk without being crowded, are they too distant, do they have water/champagne to hand?

Second and most essential (but most will resist) suggest, persuade them to rehearse. Several rehearsals, to a ‘director’ (it might be you?) to see how they come across. Clearly, loud enough, looking up, pausing . Tell your speakers the more they rehearse the more spontaneous they will be, the more they, and the guests will enjoy it, the more confident they will be.