Tuesday, October 14, 2014

IT DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A HUSBAND

Cara had a pampered chef party awhile back and I brought a dip over in my favorite snowman dip holder. I know... It was like August and I have several other dip things but I like this one and snowmen are my jam so I don't really think anything of it to use snowmen in the summer... Anyway, I brought it home and it's been sitting on the dryer because it's too hard to move things in front of the cabinet it goes into.

I was on the phone with Chrissy, close to midnight the other night, letting the dog out and avoiding monsters and doing the fourth or fifth load of Glo's poopy laundry. I was trying to maneuver clothes out of the washer and into the dryer and got all caught up and hit the dip holder and it went flying...

It seemed like it was in slow motion. I actually caught it but, just as I did, the insert went flying and fell to the floor and shattered into a bunch of pieces. I put the phone down and hurried up and got the pieces before The Bud got to them. I got back on and Chrissy asked what the hell happened.

I told her I broke my most favorite snowman dip holder but it didn't really matter...

She asked me why?

I said - because I dont have a husband.

It just kind of came out.

She started laughing...

Then I started laughing... but I was totally serious.

Even though this was one of my most favorite things it can't be any worse than not having a husband, right?

Is that weird? I don't mean that in any kind of co-dependent way... It's just the truth. Unless you were walked out on by someone that promised forever to you - you might not get it.

It's all really wanting what you have. My life was what I wanted so why wouldn't I have still wanted it? Does that make sense? I know this is just my point of view. It's just been pissing me off when I hear things like you are so lucky... or you can have mine... or I don't want the one I have. Then walk out. Leave. Find your own way. People do it every day.

I don't need a husband. I really don't. Not for anything now. I just wanted one. I think that's a really good thing. I'm proud to say I was right where I wanted to be. I might have wanted to be a little thinner and maybe a little taller and wanted a baby and all that. Things weren't absolutely perfect but they were good and I feel lucky to have had that when I did.

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A LETTER TO MY TWENTY YEAR OLD SELF

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The 3six5 Project

I was honored to be selected to participate in the 3six5 for 2011... 365 days - 365 points of view. You can read my entry by clicking on the photo and go to the main site for more information on the project.