Lack of Conviction

Web Missy suggests that felony convictions could be a deal breaker, but I would have to add that I think finding out that your date (or whatever) has a lack of conviction about important stuff could be a deal breaker too. (Is that one word? Dealbreaker?) Anyway, you know, I mean being Wishy Washy, etc. I don't mind, and oft enjoy, a different opinion from my own about Important Things, but ya gotta be able to back it up intelligently. Responses like "because that's just what I think, is all" are quite lame and as they stack up... that's a deal breaker.

I want me a big sexy brain with a sharp & fresh mind. (Like who doesn't?)

And another other deal breaker would be if she's married with children. I can't get with the home wrecking. (Note that it's the kids along with the marriedness that are deal breaking together. One or the other = no prob. *insert emoticon here* )

I agree on the married with kids thing. Kids are fine, but breaking up the kids home is not, on that part I agree.

As for the wishy-washy thing. I enjoy a good debate with an intelligent person from time to time. But, it does seem that over the last few years people in general have become so aware of a need to be PC all the time, they've basically stopped speaking their mind.

Guest_jekessans_*

Guests

I was in a 5 year relationship with someone who was actually wishy-washy in their convictions. She is a good person, and not having strong opinions on every little thing was fine.

The problem with wishy-washy occurs when the person you're with is so wishy-washy that when the rubber meets the road and it's time to back you up on something and defend you - they have enough conviction in your relationship/you to stand up for you.

She never could bring herself to do this and that was where I said adios! ‘Cause anyone who doesn't have my back and calls themselves my partner doesn't deserve me.

If you are with someone like this - send them packing. ‘Cause anyone who let's you butt hang out in the breeze is just plain sad and severely lacks true loyalty. That’s not being PC – that’s being gutless! 8)

A dealbreaker for me would be someone who cannot be honest in there feelings. I have had a few 'freinds' who i have been with intimately and when it came down to brass taxes they put up the roadblock when asked if they have ever been attracted to women. I would look at them and wait for the answer that I know to be true and bam! a totally opposite response is what came. I mean if your going to be in a relationship with a woman and you are into it when your alone, why not come out and say hell ya im attracted to women and have been with one instead of hiding behind that straight mask and say no, never could do that. So I've ended the said 'friendship' and moved on.
I get the whole 'im not sure yet' thing.. and im sympathetic to it.. but to continue in a relationship like that would not work. It woudn't be fair to either party in the end.

I agree with all four of you. What's the point of being with someone if they don't use their voice? Why trick yourself into believing you're in a relationship with someone who can't own up to their true inner self?

Sure. Some people have become listless drones and do whatever they believe society would like them to do to better itself. Really society can use a make over but that's another subject. And of course there are people who are simply too meek to speak up often, but if they honestly have a shred of compassion and loyalty to their partner, they will stand up for them.

As for those women who have a hard time coming clean with themselves as an individual, sexual being. I have no personal experience of that but I'm sure those women are either inconsiderate of their partner or are too afraid to come out.

Dealbreakers for me include lies (even more so now that I have been with a pathological liar - very damaging experience), and lack of communication - I need to know what's going on in your brain and heart. I need someone to talk to me, tell me how they are feeling, what they need, and be willing to work on it with me. My most relationship seemed to have this but in the end didn't. Granted there were other factors - major rebound for her, somewhat for me; seemed to have so much potential and midstream she stopped talking and decided it could go forward. Integrity, having a life and passions that excite someone is compelling. Yes'ing me to death does not charm e, even though I mostly id as a femme top. Too boring, too wishy washy as someone else wrote.

I have also been with a pathological liar, so I sympathize there. On top of that, He was always trying to impress me, and I also took his virginity. Basically, I found out after a year that everything he ever told me about himself was a lie; all of his opinions, beliefs, and values were fake and he only created them so that I wouldn't leave him. However, I found this out bit by bit, as he would use them as ammunition in fights to hurt me. He would throw it in my face and then tell me how wrong I was for believing the way I did in order to manipulate me into believing it was all my fault. The day I left him, I kicked myself for not seeing it sooner and have been on guard against it ever since.

I was in a 5 year relationship with someone who was actually wishy-washy in their convictions. She is a good person, and not having strong opinions on every little thing was fine.

The problem with wishy-washy occurs when the person you're with is so wishy-washy that when the rubber meets the road and it's time to back you up on something and defend you - they have enough conviction in your relationship/you to stand up for you.

She never could bring herself to do this and that was where I said adios! ‘Cause anyone who doesn't have my back and calls themselves my partner doesn't deserve me.

If you are with someone like this - send them packing. ‘Cause anyone who let's you butt hang out in the breeze is just plain sad and severely lacks true loyalty. That’s not being PC – that’s being gutless!

So I'm curious about having your back if you're in the wrong. Are you a jingoistic "my country right or wrong" type of relationshipper? I guess it's obvious I'm not wishy-washy about anything, probably, and if you are in need of help or backup and you're in the right and our beliefs mesh, I got it. What happens if your opinions differ on some things? Is your partner toast if she stands up for HER convictions when they don't match yours? I'm kinda feisty and describe myself as being a double handful, but I'm also very loyal to and defensive of my "people." However, I find it interesting how concrete and...dictatorial this sounds...I'm sure it's not intended that way, but there doesn't seem to be room for another person in this concept.

I have to agree with Dharma22, after having been with a dominating, emotional manipulating, sabatoging patholigical emotional liar, I would take Wishy Washy any day. have nerver been with anyone Wishy Washy because if I am bored, I am not interested in anything beyond coffee. I never had a stupid person make conversation with me. Somehow, people sense they cannot just start stupid convos with me. It must be my demeanor from being an ex-cop and veteran--the serious looks on my face, I guess.