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Has the most talked about book and film in years really changed the way we talk about sex and upped the ante in the bedroom stakes? Hitched & Ditched give their opinion

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Hitched says…

I have to admit I’m a little behind the times on the 50 Shades phenomenon, back in 2011 when the first of three books was published you couldn’t go a day without hearing about Mr Grey (and feels like we haven’t since!). The EL James novel smashed records and become the fastest selling book in history! It was everywhere. But I love reading and the reviews that slated the writing put me off, so I just carried on living my life.

Then the film rights were secured, the cast announced and I felt a little behind the times. At the end of last year (2014) I read the first book. And what did I think? It was ok… yes the writing was a little wishy washy, but I’m a sucker for a love story.

Did it change my life? No. ﻿

The Film

Six days after the UK release I went to watch the film with a group of 17 female colleagues. We were a mixed aged group, with mixed reviews of the film. I found the film to be pretty much the same as the book. It was a little cringe worthy with the lip biting scenes especially bad.

Yes you got the usual book to film comments –with missed scenes and the characters not as you expected, but whilst reading your imagination creates the scenes and characters into your own personal movie. Your imagination uses your experiences and fantasises creating your own adaptation – it was always going to be hard for this hard to live up to your imagination.

Some of the more negative reviews complained the movie was ‘tame’. But what did people expect? It is still a film – not a porno. When reading your imagination goes into overtime and what you read and felt could never be shown by Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan.

Many of my fellow film watchers rated the ending of the film pretty poor (don’t worry if you’re reading this and more behind the times than me, I promise I won’t ruin anything) but I thought the film ending was the perfect duff duff cliff-hanger.

But I now have to see the sequel and am even considering reading the second and third book. For me it’s not about the sex scenes or even really about the love story – I just need to find out how the bloody story ends!

Relationship Improvements

Ok I’ll admit 50 Shades of Grey didn’t rock my world – but the book has dramatically changed the relationships and the way we talk about sex.

These books have been known to save relationships – I mean that is pretty incredible. For some couples the books have turned into training manuals, acting out scenes in the bedroom have encourage them to fall back in love and lust. If reading these books get couples taking about what they want and shows the date nights don’t have to be boring that’s a good thing in my book (see what I did there!)

And 50 Shades has brought us more than improved sex lives – you can wash your clothes just like Mr Grey using 50 Shades of Surf, drink cocktails in Chiquitos and drink 50 Shades of wine… well they do say sex sells!

Sam xxx

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Ditched says….

As good old Ri-Ri once sang “sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me” so why is everyone getting their nipple clamps in a twist and jumping on the 50 Shades of Grey band wagon? (Uh oh, I fall in to that bracket with this blog post #guilty)

It’s been a month since the film was released and gaggles of women flocked to the cinema with their gal pals to see if the most talked about erotic fiction book of recent times actually hit the spot. Now I have a small confession to make; even though I am quite a flirtatious and sexual being, I have not read a single page of the 50 Shades book and therefore haven’t gotten all frothy at the thought of the film.

I remember when the book was first released, but I just didn’t want to be one of those women clutching it like a copy of Cosmo and wanting people to give me attention; OHHHHHHHH look at her, bet her sex life is filthy if she reads that! Nah, you’re alright love… I’ll stick to reading The Secret and trying to sort my life out with positive quotes about karma and the law of attraction.

Even though I haven’t read the book or seen the film, I am fully aware of what happens and some of the more graphic sexual encounters (or extra rude bits as mother would say) funnily enough my own mother has given me the three 50 Shades offerings, either because she’s worn them out or she senses it’s been a while and I need to get some excitement in my life…

So has 50 Shades changed the way we get it on and has it opened our minds as much as our legs? I’m unsure, I mean you’re either in to a bit of bondage or you’re not; I highly doubt flicking through a few pages of badly written erotica (lots of people have said it’s piss poor…) is going to have you flicking your bean over trying it for yourself.

Although I can imagine that some couples may try it out with pure comedic effect; you know those couples who have probably been together about 2 years, do the weekly shop at the exact same time each week, barely speak over dinner and are probably only together to save on rent… They may hot foot it to the local Cineworld and before you know it one of them is chained to a radiator being spanked with a copy of the Radio Times…

I’ve often thought about writing my own erotic fiction, but I think it would have more of a realistic element, probably featuring things that actually happen during sex, such as fanny farts, his piece popping out half way through, and what to do if he does an American Pie and gets excited way too soon.

I think that sex can be as fun or as routine as you want it to be, and we are all too easily swayed by what other people are doing. Do you really think that couple from work tie each other up with silk scarves every evening and have amazing orgasms at exactly the same time? Come on; or should that be cum on. Be as adventurous or as safe as you like, but you don’t have to rely on on a hyped up book or film to give your bedroom antics a boost.

Our Ditched is feeling a little down; not only is she unlucky in love but now her blogging partner has moved to pastures new *sob sob* BUT that means there is an opening for a new HITCHED!

If you are a married lady, or getting married soon and love love love to write then we want to hear from you!

We’re looking for a witty and open minded lady who can commit to being the new Hitched – which means 2-3 blog posts a week. We want someone who has no problem writing about their sex life one minute, and serious issues the next.

Oh hello blogging… I seem to have neglected you somewhat for, erm, nearly a year!

As you may know, I previously ran this blog with my amazing friend Lauren (aka Hitched), but as she is a badass bastard and her business has taken off, she can no longer commit to being part of the best relationship duo since Kayne and Kayne. So, rather than changing the blog name to ‘Ditched & Ditched’ (life hasn’t become that tragic yet), I will be setting up a new blog purely full of my ramblings, but until then I am returning to the very blog that set it all off to talk about something which everyone must have been asked about either today or in the last few days:

“So, have you got any New Year’s resolutions?”

EUGH! Each time I hear those words fall out of someone’s mouth, it makes me want to hoover them back up then gather the dust in my hands and poof it back in the moronic face which it fell out of. I mean what is it about a new year that makes everyone turn into an exercise mad- eat clean train dirty- be more positive – make everyday count idiot? Like when did this even start happening? Or has it always been around and my immunity to the bullshit has now worn off?

Now there is nothing wrong what so ever with wanting to change things in life, after all, we can be here for a long ass time so living the same years over and over is like getting the train to London and expecting to end up in Manchester #aintevergonnahappen. But my issue comes from people using a new year as some sort of catalyst to kick start something which they don’t actually want to do. But hey, I’ve been guilty of it millions of times, and that’s why I’m ranting now.

I remember once writing down a list of things that I would change and achieve in January; yes January… not throughout the year, oh no no no, I assumed I could turn myself in to some sort of gym mad, healthy eating, creative, dating machine within a few weeks. Yes my friends, the wheels fell off and before I knew it I was back to my old ways of doing what I’ve always done and hating myself for not being this perfectly boxed human being who sorted shit out as soon as 2013 became 2014.

The top five resolutions from last year were:
1. Lose weight
2. Be more organised
3. Spend less, save more
4. Enjoy life to the fullest (or YOLO as the kids say)
5. Stay fit and healthy

These are pretty common and I bet a lot of you are wanting to do these, right? But that’s just it, it’s about doing them right and not going full pelt so that you end up burning out and beating yourself up before the Christmas tree comes down. The key to remaining fairly in control with your goals is being realistic – you may very well have the same hours in your day as Beyoncé, but she doesn’t have to sit in epic traffic that may make her miss a zumba session, or have to spend money fixing her blue tic tac of a car during the winter months. What I’m saying is that sometimes life gets in the way of your goals, and perfection is something that nobody will ever reach easily, if at all!

This is why I am saying no to New Year’s resolutions, and yes to slowly reaching my goals day after day. Hey, I’m already one step closer to getting back to blogging simply by writing this here post…

Things I want to do and achieve this year range from changing my diet to improve my health, doing regular exercise which I enjoy, writing and blogging more, visiting more places, and yes one from the list above – appreciating things more and being in the moment. But these are things which will take time and things which are personal to me. E.G – if you find yourself going to the gym with huge determination to get that killer body, but leave feeling defeated and like it’s hopeless, then you need to step back and look at what your goals are. Just because the toned girl in the men’s weight area looks amazing and could probably bench press your boyfriend, doesn’t mean that she walked in that day and turned into a confident biatch; things take time – just think of yourself as a lovely bit of dough in The Great British Bake Off proving drawer- you need time to rise so you can shine 🙂

So, let me raise a New Year’s Day toast and say… The reality is that everyone fails: everyone, and we are so scared of failing that sometimes we don’t even try. But the beauty of life is that there are thousands of ways to do things, and sometimes you stumble across the beautiful way of achieving what you want to do.

Thanks for reading and keep those eyes peeled for my brand spanking new blog coming soon!

Here at Hitched & Ditched we like to look at the lighter side of love, or make light of the idiotic stuff that some men do. We love a good pun and witty comment too, but sometimes it’s important to take a look at issues that bring out strong emotions. Today we read that popstar Katy Perry considered taking her own life after divorcing Russell Brand and it touched something in us…

Most women in their lifetime will encounter love – whether that’s with friends, family or falling head over heels for ten Mr wrongs, until one day you wear the right pair of heels and stay up for Mr Right. The L-drug is stronger than Hitched’s morning coffee, and can make you do, say and feel crazy and intense things; which is why it’s no surprise that should your relationship sail off course, feelings of deep sorrow, loneliness and a crisis of self confidence can leave you floundering.

Katy & Russell experienced a whirlwind romance- something our Ditched has always dreamed off, and with these roller coaster hook ups come extreme highs and truly devastating lows. As with any break up, especially when a marriage is involved, you are left questioning everything about life and what’s next for you; and while celebrity may offer disposable income to buy new cars, clothes and arm candy, it doesn’t mean the pain of someone rejecting you is any easier.

I asked myself- “Do I want to endure? Should I continue living?

Ditched says:
“My hardest break up came from a really short romance, and actually hurt more than my previous 2 year relationship- he excited me from the get go and the build up to us getting together was just the right balance of causal teasing and actual feelings. His texts excited me, the idea of seeing him for an evening of X Factor and our own X rated action thrilled me- I was slowly falling but he just wasn’t ready for the laughs and laid back evenings to become anything more than that, so he ended it by text message as I was on my way to meet my brother for lunch- what followed was me sobbing in the loos of Revolution like a child who couldn’t breathe after a tantrum.”

“I felt alone- I’d wake up and for the tiniest piece of a split second I felt normal, then my brain had its shot of espresso and informed my stomach to flip and my tear ducts to fill up again. Looking in the mirror I felt grim, pale and like my mojo had gone- and all because of a somewhat lanky man with questionable dress sense. Although I felt alone and had my bad days, I never questioned my place on this earth, so for Katy to have these thoughts running through her mind must have meant she was pretty much a broken woman.”

Depression and anxiety are two things very close to Hitched & Ditched’s heart, and something as traumatic as a big break up can bring out feelings, thoughts and emotions that you never knew existed. But if you do find yourself at a very low ebb; one where ice cream and your favourite film just won’t do, then it’s very important- no VITAL, that you talk to someone about just how much it is effecting you- if you struggle with this then writing it down may also be a huge help too.

We at Hitched & Ditched are very happy that Katy has Roared back to her best and cannot wait to hear more from the California Gurl.

Hello lovely readers and thanks again for casting your peepers on our blog- we do love you! But we would love you even more if you cast that all important vote to help make us the BEST sex and relationship blog 2013 in the Cosmopolitan Blog Awards

Voting closes TONIGHT and this really does mean everything to us! We want to be bigger and better, and turn our love of blogging into a full time career! And hey, even Beyonce has our backs…Vote HERE!Thank you millions! .

You may have noticed HnD missing on the blogging radar last week- well we were sunning ourselves in an Ibiza penthouse dahlings. But before you ask, no we didn’t scoop the Euromillions jackpot and we don’t have a rich Uncle, but we did work hard all year long to enjoy a week of sun, sea, and serious laughter with the girls.

Watch this space for a special post on our trip, but for now this picture sums up our amazing time there and the pure magic that is Ibiza

Love Lauren (Hitched) & Kelly (Ditched)

PS don’t forget to vote for us as the best sex and relationship blog 2013 in the Cosmo Blog Awards. Voting closes on 30th August and you can vote right here!

Recently Ditched was let down again by a man, which left her feeling insecure, hurt and rejected, and had Hitched running out of love advice. We have had enough of pretty, strong and amazing women being made to feel like dirt just because guys can only think with their dangly bits. So girls, take these five Fab tips and trust us when we say you CAN get over that weasel.

1. Do a Ross Geller
No, not sleep with someone else during a break, but make a list of his pros and cons. Sure he may have that cheeky glint in his eye, a pretty awesome sense of humour and look orgasmic in a fitted t-shirt, but don’t let your sexual desire drive your want for him. Think about his morals, the nice things he does for others and his general attitude towards life- having a big schlong and calling you ‘babe’ doesn’t make him a boy you can bring home to Momma.

2.Listen to your gut
We’ve all been there; enjoying a delish meal when the dance of diarrhoea begins its matinee performance in your gut. Now, do you sprint to the loo or ride it out and end up in the shit (literally). Take this disgusting advice and apply it to him- deep down you know he is a wrong un’, so cut your losses and avoid a hot damn mess.

3. Don’t waste the pretty
If a bellend let’s you down its very tempting to get dolled up and hit the town to attract another. But instead of roaming your local bars, bus stops and Burger King looking for Tom, Dick and Harry, why not save your heels and snuggle up on the sofa with Ben & Jerry instead. They’ll be plenty of chances to shake it like a Polaroid picture and meet your future Fosling (fake Gosling), when you are back to your best.

4. See who he follows
We don’t mean deer stalking the sad sap, but more like logging on to Twitter and seeing who he virtually has love for. If ‘We adore boobs’ or ‘smokin hot babes’ is on that list then you have escaped a grade A perve, and you can thank your lucky stars that he didn’t snap you and tweet in a picture of your amazing lady cannons.

5. Do the maths
You and him don’t add up, but what’s vital to remember is he is one OF a million, not one IN a million. Chances are you’ll cry, be hurt and feel rejected by another man in your life, but knowing that its all simply a law of averages means you can throw that calculator away and subtract another tool from your fabulous life.