I was reading a Nerve.com article on sex and motherhood (I know, I know, my first mistake) and a writer mentioned hearing that breastfeeding while masturbating could be very erotic, so she decided to try it out.

Quote:

Eventually, I felt around and masturbated, tentatively. As I became aroused, my breasts squirted milk. That was cool. I felt like a teenage boy trying to see how far he could shoot. When I told this to one of my mommy friends, she said, "You should try masturbating while breastfeeding. It's amazing."

I didn't want to miss out. I went home, got out my mini-massager and settled into the Glider rocking chair with Felix, then a month and a half old, at my breast.

If anyone here has tried it, feel free to add your opinion...but my real question is, does this cross the line in terms of the parent/child relationship? I mean, I doubt the kid at this age is going to remember this and feel abused but despite that does it cross the line into disturbing territory? I personally found it pretty creepy (the whole article pretty much is, but again, that's par for the course at Nerve).....

Yeah, I'm going with 'ick,' here. I enjoyed breast feeding my son, in the same way that I enjoyed many other aspects of caring for him. But purposefully bringing an erotic component into baby care? Just seems... wrong.

Bring your man in to help with the sucking, or use a toy <or breast pump> like any other normal person.
Sorry; there's just no reason to do this. It's utilizing an unwitting, unconsenting person in one's sexual play.
And that's wrong, in my opinion.

I'm not freaked out by it (because it's not like the baby's going to remember it) but it is a little weird. I probably wouldn't do it.

Well, he's going to remember it now, there is an article about on the goddamn internet. Thanks, mom!

Yeah, it's creepy. Oddly enough, I don't find having sex with a baby sleeping obliviously in a bassinet beside you creepy. But having the baby be an active participant in the sexual play is inappropriate at best. Ugh.

Additionally, my experience with month-and-a-half-old babies has been that both of my hands are required to keep the damn kid positioned on the breast correctly, leaving none available for kinky baby vibrator sex play. I call bullshit on the author.

I can see where having a baby breastfeed might be a bit strange when for years you've associated sucking nipples with eroticism. I can see where one's body might react to baby suckling in a way that is both maternal and erotic.

But I don't think masturbating while breastfeeding is something I would be comfortable with.

I have heard of all kinds of bizarre sexual play (including bestiality, roleplaying a baby with adults pooping in diapers, child pornography, snuff). But this is not something that I have ever heard of, or even contemplated that someone would consider. I'm really shocked that someone would consider this, and I sure as fuck don't hear new sexual things every day. This is a first, in recent memory.

I don't care about being judgy, this is just ... ew. Plus, it seems very likely that there could be an association that is formed, and after awhile just looking at your baby gets you all... where's that pukey smiley I've been wanting??

I'm a guy, and I don't have any kids. I can understand the reaction people are having, but honestly, I don't think it's a big deal.

If my mom wrote an article like that, I'd be a bit freaked out because she was writing about sex, but I don't think I'd be bothered beyond that. Masturbation's just not a big deal. If a woman orgasmed just from breastfeeding without masturbating, I'd think that was a bit fucked up, but I know that a woman's body becomes more sensitive when she's breastfeeding, and anyone's body become more sensitive when they're aroused. I can see how those things could work together.

I wouldn't assume that a woman who masturbated while breastfeeding was having erotic thoughts about her baby, just that her body was responding to two types of physical stimulation at once that each cause the release of pleasure hormones. Of course it's going to feel good.

I'm a guy, and I don't have any kids. I can understand the reaction people are having, but honestly, I don't think it's a big deal.

If my mom wrote an article like that, I'd be a bit freaked out because she was writing about sex, but I don't think I'd be bothered beyond that. Masturbation's just not a big deal. If a woman orgasmed just from breastfeeding without masturbating, I'd think that was a bit fucked up, but I know that a woman's body becomes more sensitive when she's breastfeeding, and anyone's body become more sensitive when they're aroused. I can see how those things could work together.

I wouldn't assume that a woman who masturbated while breastfeeding was having erotic thoughts about her baby, just that her body was responding to two types of physical stimulation at once that each cause the release of pleasure hormones. Of course it's going to feel good.

Fine, but can't she put the baby down and then go to town on herself?

If a man said something like, "Yeah, seeing my baby suck on the bottle while I'm feeding her really gets me hot so I jack off while I'm holding her", would that be okay, too?

If a man said something like, "Yeah, seeing my baby suck on the bottle while I'm feeding her really gets me hot so I jack off while I'm holding her", would that be okay, too?

She could, but if, as I suggest, she's not thinking erotic thoughts about the baby, what difference does it make? I'm a strict consequentialist when it comes to morality. If no one is potentially harmed, it's no big deal. Weird, maybe, but so what.

As for the guy, you're suggesting that the baby itself (and not the physical response to breastfeeding) is being cathected as an erotic stimulus. That has enormous potential to lead to damaging interactions later on. If that's not the case, though....

Mind you, a lot of this comes down to believability. I'm inclined (for whatever reason; maybe I have an idealized view of motherhood) to believe a woman who says she's not thinking of the baby erotically in that situation. I'd be less inclined to believe a man. If I heard about a man masturbating while interacting with a baby, I'd think he's a perv. I can't think of anything non-pervy that would make a man do that. But all that said, there is still a chance I'd be wrong. Can't imagine it, and wouldn't give him the benefit of the doubt, but still, there you have it.

If you're disturbed by it, it's disturbing. I can't argue with that. I just don't care unless there is potential for actual harm. I've admitted that there could be that potential, but based on the description of the article, I'm not convinced there actually is such potential.

The question in the OP is whether this crosses a boundary, but what boundary is in question is not clear. It clearly crosses a personal comfort boundary for a lot of people. I'm not convinced it does any measurable harm, though, and one of my basic rules for living is that I don't tell people to stop doing something (especially in the bedroom) unless it either involves me or produces some detectable harm to someone.

Like I said, I'm a strict consequentialist. "Eww!" might be a compelling aesthetic argument, but it's not a moral argument.

If you're disturbed by it, it's disturbing. I can't argue with that. I just don't care unless there is potential for actual harm. I've admitted that there could be that potential, but based on the description of the article, I'm not convinced there actually is such potential.

The question in the OP is whether this crosses a boundary, but what boundary is in question is not clear. It clearly crosses a personal comfort boundary for a lot of people. I'm not convinced it does any measurable harm, though, and one of my basic rules for living is that I don't tell people to stop doing something (especially in the bedroom) unless it either involves me or produces some detectable harm to someone.

Like I said, I'm a strict consequentialist. "Eww!" might be a compelling aesthetic argument, but it's not a moral argument.

I think the thing is that breastfeeding is stimulating - after you get over the hump of the blisters and the pain and the... well 6 weeks later and beyond it's quite a nice feeling. Not sexual, but it generally feels quite good. So then encouraging the feeling of that to enhance masturbation changes the breastfeeding stimulus from nice and nurturing and bonding into something sexual. And that is where it crosses the line into totally icky.

Oh, HELL no. Eighty kinds of HELL. NO. And not only HELL NO, but also, this is basically my nightmare. I'm thrilled and relieved beyond belief that I can breastfeed without feeling arousal, and here she is trying to make it happen.

And as for potential for actual harm (aside from the fact that the kid will read this eventually), I'd argue that encouraging the ability to view one's own newborn as a sexual aid - to depersonalize it for her own fun and enjoyment - is harmful to the mother's relationship with that child.

Most parents from the very get go embrace a complete and total mindset of wanting to do anything and everything to give their child the best upbringing possible and giving them every chance to succeed and flourish.

The described act violates the very heart, the most basic foundation of that desire.

To be fair, if you read the article, this is not something she is advocating or some kind of how-to.

The article is about an extremely sexual woman who loses all connection with her sexuality after child birth. The incident ends as soon as it begins- you'll notice the first line is not about masturbating while breast feeding...it's just describing the first time she tried touching herself after having her kid. The next line after the OP's quote is literally the door bell ringing. The whole things ends in embarrassment, and is meant to illustrate how confused and mixed-up the writer's sexuality had become. It's more of a "this was a low-point" thing.

I find the replies disturbing and very much anti-Love. What is described is a normal and perhaps beneficial human behavior, very possibly a out flow of Love, it is beautiful, and it is being judged very harshly and condemned here. It is very possible that some here have had such thoughts while breastfeeding, perhaps some even did some form of self stimulation like rubbing their thighs together (hands are not needed). Reading this thread can easily turn this natural human behavior into a feeling of guilt and shame.

Very rarely does the act reveal the intent of the heart, and to judge the person you have to know what they are thinking - is the infant is a sex toy or a beloved child that has the act of the Love of his/her creation still surrounding that infant. Such a infant that has the Love of his/her creation has the potential to bond the parents together more in Love - leading towards a better sex life between the parents.

Without knowing the intent behind it, I'd WAG that this infant is feeling a lot more Love and closeness then many others and is in a envyable position compared to many other infants.

I'm not a parent, but oh dear God does this sound sick to me. As others have said, I just can't imagine using my own child as an unwitting party to my own sexual escapades. That's just all kinds of wrong. And what if you get to the point that you can't get off without baby in hand? Ewwww.

I don't think this is criminal or necessarily the beginning of a screwed up parent-child relationship or anything, but it's kind of like making obscene gestures at a blind person. It doesn't hurt them, but it's still not decent behavior -- you're using innocent others for your own amusement. Supposing that people could retroactively give consent, imagine 100 babies who have reached the age of consent being informed by their mothers. I wonder what percent of them would say, "It's fine that you did that, mom."

This is pretty clearly not ok. It's not even like it's just some kind of weird multi-tasking, this woman is talking about deriving sexual pleasure from the act of breastfeeding. I don't know if it's criminal, but it's very disturbing and can't be healthy.