One of the biggest struggles that has come with losing my dad this year, has been this thought that I have lost someone who loved me in a way that no one else ever could. No one will ever be able to love me like my dad loved his first child. I imagine he and my mom bringing me home from the hospital, sharing me with their parents, the firsts of everything, watching me struggle, watching me excel, watching me start a family.

No one will ever be able to share wisdom with me and parent me through my adulthood years. Through his 53 years of life, millions of hours farming, starting businesses, decades of friendship, losing his parents, going through divorce, remarriage…there is depth and wisdom there that no one but a father would take the time to share with his children.

No one will be able to provide the fun and opportunities to my children that I know my dad intended to do. Growing up, we spent weeks in Colorado skiing, every Sunday making the most stupid and dangerous games up with my dad and his friend, training and competing in marathons and triathlons, traveling to visit and explore new places. This winter, my dad was planning on taking Hudson to learn to ski.

I can go down this paths over and over again. This love is dead and it is never ever coming back. I think about standing over my dad’s lifeless body everyday and holding the hands who once showed me great care and love that were cold and unresponsive.

BUT GOD. The truth is that this love is not dead. The good news of God coming to Earth to save us is that He defeated the greatest enemy of death and said that it has NO power over those who believe and accept the right to become children of God.

This love that I miss in a way that my bones ache is not dead, but is alive. God gave me a father to give me just a taste of the love of the Father, who will never leave us and is longing to be reunited with us. This Father sent His son, who left us with His Spirit as a promise of the inheritance that is yet to come.

The enemy wants us to believe that love can be broken and that we can be separated from the love of God in Christ Jesus, but praise be to God who has broken down every wall for us and made us His children. Oh how rich is our inheritance.

I cannot believe that this boy is one year old! It has been such a great joy to watch him grow every month and to see his personality develop. He is so silly, we laugh so much of the day at our house. He is obsessed with all things soft and furry (especially dogs) and basically pants and rubs his face on everything soft. He loves to go to sleep at night and lays there, allowing you to kiss him 100 times while he just giggles, but doesn't move. He has been walking for a month or two and is getting scary fast. He has his own "drawer" of food/cups and now he takes everything in the house-shoes, keys, phones, pacifiers, cups, toys and hides them in his drawer, which is making it harder to keep track of all my stuff, haha.

When we went in for the twenty week sonogram and they told us we were having a boy, Michael and I both knew that his name would be Hudson. When we were dating, we had both read the biography of Hudson Taylor, who was one of the first missionaries to China. Unlike other missionaries of the time, he "became like" the indigenous Chinese, dressing in their cultural wear and growing his hair long. He worked with all his might relentlessly as a doctor committed to taking the good news of Jesus to the inland Chinese. He refused to ask for anything, but instead relied on God's miraculous provision day to day. (If you haven't read this book, you have to!)

It is our and hope and prayer that Hudson would know how worthy Jesus is of his life and that he would wholly lay his life down in obedience to God's love.

We are so thankful for the community in Fort Worth of friends and family who have blessed us beyond measure this year, helping us along the way at every step- meeting practical, emotional and spiritual needs. It really does take a village to raise a child.

Here are a few pictures of him last week I took at our mommy and me session.

I couldn't stop smiling for days after this newborn shoot. It was so sacred to get to go into the Skidmore home in Dallas a week after Norah was born! It was so fun to see this precious little angel and her family interact and love on their newest member. I loved getting to see these old friends and meet their son George. So so special!