Life and Times of Kalyan

Bong Connection

This isn’t any review about the movie of the same name or a review of ‘Interpreter of Maladies’. Neither is it my paean about how many intellectual names have Bong Connection. This is about my answers to the questions I encounter on a day-to-day on virtue of being perceived a BONG. Here we go:

Hey Kalyan, where did you school in Kolkata?

ISL, Jharia. And it isn’t in Kolkata but in Dhanbad, the coal depot of Jharkhand. This happens time and again, even after reminding these folks umpteenth time that I am born and brought up at Dhanbad and not Kolkata.

Oh you’re an IITian. So, how was life at Kharagpur?

Kindly refer to the start of the conversation. I didn’t graduate from IIT Kgp, but from IIT Roorkee. The very fact that I’m a Banerjee doesn’t make it imperative on my part to go to Kgp, dude(tte).

Don’t you miss fish?

I do, but not in the miserably way that you think. I haven’t had fish for straight 5 years, 4 in IIT Roorkee and 1 in Noida. Thank you, I’m doing just fine without fish.

Why don’t you smoke?

Is it mandatory by the Indian Constitution for every person whose mother tongue is Bengali should smoke? Is non-smoking by such an individual punishable by the court of law? The weird and funny part is, even my mom asks the same question.

Oh, you must sing/play tabla pretty well, right?

Wrong. My only tryst with tabla/triple had been way back in middle school when every guy was given 5 minutes of nirvana to try his hand at the coveted instrument by our Music Teacher Sujan Sir (Are you reading this, sir?).

How come you speak Hindi so very well?

Refer to the first question, dude(tte). A majority of my friends were and are Hindi speaking. In fact, I have very few people among my close pals who speak Bengali.

Left Party sucks. How come intellectuals like you support them?

Excuse me, when did I proclaim my support for the Red Party? Many of my surname-sakes are Red, but thats in Bengal. And I live at Bangalore.

It must suck, not being able to play Football?

My school football team selector thought the same thing. So, I got an wild card entry into class 7 football team. I haven’t played the game even at pada (Bengali for neighborhood) level and so was naturally reluctant to play. Selector assumed it to be mere modesty (After all, how can a Bengali not play football?) I was given a chance and the rest is history.

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18 Responses

gr8 stuff pal!!Finally you vented out your boiling emotions for your mistaken social_cum_ethnic_cum_geographical identity.But I noticed one thing: all the presumptions ppl have on you might be at annoying times but that is justified and can alwez be taken lightly. Looking from a different perspective the blog also suggests that deep in your heart u pine to belong right there in calcutta… discussing left-politics…by the side of Hoogly river…. sipping the “cha” once in a while … puffing out a couple of fags simultaneously… playing the football for the pada… roaming around wid friends on the streets of Calcutta late in the night in Durga Puja….It’s not a case of mistaken identity or something..Dude! You belong here…. come to us… soon… Calcutta beckons u.——————————-Pardon my clumsy language,I am in intense pressure to deliver smthing by this friday so did not indulge myself in the vanity of this language.And by the way- I too get the question about smoking a lot 🙂

“Bong Connection” – really the name made me think that its some new film that you are writing about. But o lord , it isnt the film but its about you. Man its real cool piece of writing . Too good.
The style was much different from the other blogs that you posted.
But excuse me for one thing . What do you mean by “surname-sakes are red”- the way you mentioned that , it seems that its some kind of negative and repulsive attribute borne by some Bengalis in Kolkata????????????????????????

hey Kalyan!
You have missed the very analogy between the triplet Bong, Roshugula and Fish.
Anyway lemme complete it for u 🙂

# As a Bong do you look like a Roshugula or a Fish?

* Is it mandatory by the Indian Constitution for every person who hail from Bengal should belong to one of these community? Is not-looking like these 2 keep myself out of bengali community? The weird part is, after spending so much time outside Bengal, now even I have start thinking tht I don’t look like any of these two, which is such a shame for me. 🙂

just happened to come across your blog. couldn’t help laughing out loud at this post. i am a bong drawn to other bongs very easily ever since i started living in the U.S. – but then withdraw with equal vigor as soon as i start getting invited to innumerable parties (which if i attend i need to take a gift with me each time) and am expected to respond back with home cooked food starting from ‘shingara’ to ‘misti doi’. i’m a bong from kolkata and out here i’m always asked the question: “bangali hoye mishti khao na??? e ki kore hoy???” umm well ‘karon amar mishti BHALO LAGE NA and for the umpteenth time i’m NOT DIETING! If I did, I wouldn’t look like this – would I?”-

What I wanted to tell you was, have been in your shoes a million times and then some. Was born in Munger, brought up at Asansol (sound familiar? 🙂 )… so I share the same predicament big time. Nice one here!

Lol… I am guilty as charged too… the other day I asked this bong guy “bangali chele hoye ciggerate khao na?

poor guy had this embarrassed look on his face, first he said, well there are some exceptions, then he tried to explain me more by saying “aajkal kintu anekei chere dicche”

As if it was a crime to not smoke.. lol

(pls note I am myself a bong although I have a big disclaimer up on my blog ‘About me’ page that I am not a bong just to avoid the ever annoying assumption that I belong to the extended family of either Jyoti Basu or Bipasha Basu and the other silly assumption that Kalyan spoke of)

But you know I still am somehow a proud bong somewhere..for cmon..bongs are unique or what.. 😀

@Pradeep: Bingo, man. Another point, I have Bihari Side too. Will surely post about that sometime.

@Sanjukta: See, I too have switched to WordPress. To set the context straight, I somewhat vaguely remember you singing paeans of virtue or WordPress over blogger. BTW, sure I am proud to have a Bong lineage. Durga Puja is just over, and I’m yet to recover.

heyy… good to know u! m a non-bong with extreme affinity for bongs *most of my close frenz belong to the specie.* and no, most of them don’t smoke… and none of them speak decent hindi! LOL! but then, since u aren’t born/brought up in kolkata, guess u’d be an exception! 🙂
and oh yeah, thx for dropping by my space!

read your bong connection nd was so tempted to reply back.. just amazing blog.. laffed all the way till end.. in the end got nostalgic over my bong connection.. my school days.. add 1 more stuff to d trilogy.. charchari or pasto dana.. forgive me if i hv spelled it wrong bc my bong connection is evaporating a lil bit everyday.. previously i cud read n write with ease.. now left wid half baked skills..

[…] almost always automatically meant that you ‘have to’ love fish (in addition to several other bong connection myths). And now do search engines also expect a Bengali cook to even advice on seasonal variation in […]

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