Month: April 2016

It’s amazing how you simply came into this peaceful red thing of mine and destroyed the walls I’ve been building my whole life and then in all of a sudden–you’re gone.

I hate to admit I have loved you. Everything happened so fast, you bugged me one fine midnight in April, introduced yourself, and the next thing I knew, I gave in. I was crazy about the whole thing and I love how we enjoy talking until midnight about little stuff, the nicknames we had, the crazy conversations and the overwhelming feeling of having someone care for you without having that relationship. It seems like I was playing a game of whoever falls in love first, loses. And I was a loser. Cause I did fall. Hard.

I know I shouldn’t have set myself for things like this because things were falling apart when I realized they don’t play out…

I’m doing well since the last time you pushed me away and I’m happy to say that this will be the last letter I’ll be writing for you.

It might be surprising because it took me a while to realize I am no longer the girl who spends the night awake staring at the ceiling. I am no longer the one who gets up in bed every morning only to crawl back later. I am no longer the girl who breaks down when passing a familiar place or hearing a song. I am no longer the girl who pretends to understand that commitment is not really your thing. And I am no longer the girl you’ve repeatedly been telling you’ll find again someday.

Maybe it’s because I was so blind at how you pretended to be the godly man you’re claiming to be. I was crazy about the whole thing that when I’ve found out you’ve been eyeing someone new again, I’ve came up to an excuse that maybe you are just too friendly: too friendly to secretly see someone and too friendly to be having benefits. Maybe it’s all because of the reasons I’ve came up with that you’d still find your way back to me. But then I realized this is not how things should be. I can’t be crazy for someone who sent me to friend zone countless times. I can’t be with someone who plays on my emotions because he knew very well I was head over heels all along. And of course, I can’t possibly cry for someone who was never really mine.

This will be the first time I am telling this because I was blinded by false hopes I never thought I’ll get over with: I THANK YOU for sending me to rockbottom only to realize I could still dig and start anew. If it never was for you, I would have settled for less. Because of you I finally knew what I wanted: to never settle for a guy like you, a guy who breaks hearts because commitment is never his thing. I never thought I am this strong for being able to finally move on from someone I am always crying for, the very reason for all the sighs and regrets. Now with open arms I am finally letting go. It’s not because I no longer care but it’s because I don’t have the reasons to hold on from a guy I never dated.