Tuesday, December 16, 2003

Well, today was my first run since the Big B. at church. I ran with Mo and we saw a rabbit. We decided her name was Jill as opposed to Jack, who is my rabbit. After her 20 minutes, I got down to my own 'meditative' run.

I got to thinking about the failure of my Go-cart project with the Boy's Group and other things that are not 'going according to plan'. The inabilities I have are a part of me. But that doesn't mean I can slump down on the road and wait for someone to rescue me. My Go-cart project failed through my unwillingness to plan and act. Through procrastination and fear, I let it fail. It would have been nice if the PBGs would have made it all happen effortlessly. Like they did with Aslan the lion. But even in that case, it was me that decided what actions were necessary. I am the one who brings him to every Boy's Group meeting. I protect him from the boys rough handling.

It is all a matter of intent.

My whole spiritual inspiration was started by one pop bottle. Its value is insignificant taken by itself. I now take that bottle and tithe it to the PBGs as a token of my commitment to Them and my intention to live a life in Jesus (still hard to type).

It is like the bottle I carried for TS in the Marathon. The bottle itself isn't nearly as important as the message it carries to the recipient. The effort expended is what matters as does the love and caring implied by that effort. I have an over-supply of caring in my heart. I intend to share it with those who will allow it.

Some of you who are saying to yourselves, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." That may be so, but without intention, there is no direction. Without direction any action is futile. Undirected action or uncaring inaction are both aspects of evil. So the road to hell is also paved with futile undirected action and uncaring sloth. Intention is a starting point and a moral compass. Action comes from within and direction comes from without (if you are listening carefully)

Sunday, December 14, 2003

Today was the "big day". Today was the day I publicly made my commitment to my congregation and to God to follow Jesus (Hard still to even type that name. I hope you will allow me the eccentricity of using place holders like the PBGs or just God). I make this commitment for the sake of the community I want to feel a part of; their well being is now my well being. I make this commitment to myself so that "with god as my helper" I will become all that I can (am meant to be). I also, dear reader, make the same commitment to you.I woke up calm and relaxed. Mo will tell you, I was also in a silly mood. Old habit; when things get serious, I react by "lightening" the mood. I volunteered to be a Greeter with Jackie and we had wonderful time welcoming people to the church. Many of my good friend where present, even though my intention to be baptized was a closely guarded secret. Church was pretty usual until my son and two friends did an announcement skit for a church sleepover in January. They dressed up like Harry Potter, Ron and Hermiony. My son wore a black wig, round glasses frames and a face-paint scar. Mo wrote the script. It was great.

The second unusual thing was me up at the front getting baptized. My kids were asked to pour the water into the font for the ceremony. Then it was time to get down on my knees and be baptized. The minister sprinkled the water on my forehead. He said some words about the significance of the ceremony. Then he called up my 'family members' and he and they placed their hands on my head. I was surprised to see that Marnie and my mentor, Ken also came up along with Mo and my kids. That was a pleasant surprise. It is a pitty that Jackie also didn't feel comfortable enough to come up as well.

After the Baptisms were over, we weren't through yet. Val and I, as well as another lady, still needed to be confirmed. The confirmation was the part were we had to affirm our faith and agree to live a Christian life.

Then after that, there were two more people, Mo being one of them, that were moving their memberships from one United Church congregation to another.

After all the ceremonies had be done, we went back to the normal routine.

After the service I invited some people out for a celebration lunch at Tim Hortens.

Someone asked me if I felt any different. I had to admit that I didn't feel anything new. My feet still touch the ground. No halo appeared over my head. Marnie says the miracle happened long before I stood in front of that congregation. I think she is probably right.

Saturday, December 13, 2003

I went on a rescue mission today. Hardly a damsel, though she had reason to be distressed. You see, last week her husband ran out on her. She has a low paying part-time job. Her apartment costs too much so she is moving from a small city 1 1/2 hrs south of here to live with her parents.

That is where I come in. Her parents go to my church and a couple of weeks ago I offered to help out with any lifting they needed around their house (the gentleman of the house recently had a heart attack). Who did they think about calling to help with the move? Yours truly.

My brother-in-law often says No good deed goes unpunished. Today I wondered if he was right. The gentleman didn't have a visa, so the van had to go on my card instead. I spent about 4 hrs driving the moving van. The gentleman had no idea where the damsel lived or worked. For the most part she was surely and negative. The woman has ash trays in her ash trays. I can still smell the smoke in my clothes. She gave us loading directions while her daughter's boyfriend and I did all the lifting and packed the van.

It's a test. I'm being tested already. One simple act of faith, and here I am being tested. Well, I still enjoyed my day. I wouldn't want to live in her life for even one day. But I was still good natured, pleasant, helpful and kind. Hey, it is in my nature. I helped lighten her load. I think I even saw her smile once. She certainly didn't deserve another kick from a complete stranger.

Oh, and BTW, tomorrow I am getting baptized and Confirmed as a member of the United Church of Canada. My wife, Mo is so happy. I am just nervous. I think I am past being scared about it. I feel pretty calm about it, actually.

Thursday, December 11, 2003

I had a spooky experience on the bus the other day. Well, not exactly spooky in the Hallowe'en sense, but in the spiritual sense.

I was watching a 3 year old playing with the zippers on her coat and thinking about my own kids when they were little. Out of the blue, a thought occurred to me about letting go of old business from the past. The spooky part (for me anyway) about it was that the experience was exactly like the 'Aha' moments I get while running. It seemed to have a quiet ring of truth to it that I sometimes get after thinking about something on my run for 4km/30 minutes. I am tempted to say it was the voice of God. DO-do-do-do.

I don't know about you, but that creeps me out. It wasn't scary or anything. I didn't hear a voice. I just recognized the tone of the thought. And it seemed to have a source beyond me. This thought wasn't telling me how to run my life, or which stock to buy or anything crazy. It was simply a continuation of my life conversation.

It had meaning in the context of the issues I hold and think about.

What meaning, you may ask? Mind your own business. That isn't important for me to relate. If this was a God experience, it wasn't at all what I expected (where were the trumpets?).

The important part to relate is that the 'God voice' wasn't any different from my usual self talk, but that with the practice I've had listening to the PBGs, I could distinguish it as important and separate from myself.

Friday, December 05, 2003

This entry is about my Seattle Marathon trip. If you are looking for a race report look here.

What a great trip.

What started out as a compromise race (just happened to coincide with my training schedule) and a cost cutting measure (traveling with other people to reduce costs) turned into a wonderful excursion.

My traveling companions were three ladies I met through a friend at the Running Room. Before the trip I knew next to nothing about any of them.

What a crazy threesome I hooked up with. They, of course, knew each other and were great friends. They have participated together in other events before this one. I was the wild-card in the group. For journal purposes, they will be referred to as Twisted Squirrel (TS), Flasher Squirrel (FS) and BonBon Squirrel (BBS). I, by the way, became known as Red Faced Squirrel (RFS).

We all started out nervous about the trip; the unknown traveler (RFS of course), the new Marathon (for all of us except TS), driving a rental car across the U.S. Border, and what to expect for weather during the marathon.

As it turned out, everything went really well. Our slightly delayed flight was bumpy, but uneventful. Our border crossing was slow (½ hr) but we had a very nice crossing guard who was more interested in the marathon and how long it was than the apples we were smuggling across the border. And as for the weather, it was the best we could have hope for; not a drop of rain the whole time we were there (well, it did rain when we were in the car a few times, but that doesn't count, right?).

When we arrived in Seattle, we were greeted by the eerie specter of the space needle glowing in the dark, surrounded by mist and a spooky glow. It looked like a UFO getting ready for take-off.

After a few wrong turns, Mother Squirrel guided us to our hotel, we grabbed a late-night (2:00 AM) snack and retired to our beds.

On day two of our trip, we visited the marathon Expo to pick up our race packages (you know, the timing chip, race number, race shirt and a ton of pamphlets and other goodies) The expo also had lots of other running paraphernalia available as freebies or for purchase.

Since the weather was cooperating, we decided to take a walk down to Pike Place Market. I actually went to the "World Famous Pike Place Fish Market", but they weren't throwing any fish at the time. While we were there, we heard these three black gentlemen singing a wonderful Christmas Gospel song; Their voices were very rich and beautiful. TS bought some prints, we got our picture taken and then went to have dinner. We had fresh seafood, of course ($$).

Day Three: Marathon day (look here for a race report) We ran about 1 1/3 miles to the race as a warm-up. FS was running in the half-marathon, therefore, her race started earlier than the rest of us. We took pictures wished her luck and then checked my post race bag, did some last minute business and mentally prepared ourselves for the race.

A short time later(!) we were all finished our races and ready to head back up the hill to the hotel. (FS didn't manage to save us any clam chowder! Poohie Sulk) We were quite a sight to see, hobbling back to the hotel with our shining silver warm-up capes flapping in the wind, finisher medals displayed proudly around our necks and big grins (and the occasional grimace) on our faces.

We somehow managed to make it through the rest of the day without a long soak in a hot-tub; for me, a hot shower really doesn't cut it after a long hard marathon. BBS & I actually managed to muster enough energy to walk down to Eddie Bauers to do some cloths shopping before supper.

After a celebratory supper and a few toasts we all decided we were tired (I wonder why) so we trundled back to our hotel room and retired for the evening.

For our last day, our travel plans called for a leisurely day with an evening flight from Vancouver to Edmonton. We packed up our stuff by 11:00 or so and all went window shopping. We expected our border crossing to take time, but were pleasantly surprised when it only took a couple of minutes. We stopped by BBS's aunts place and also had a brief stop at the Richmund waterfront. Airport security also took very little time so before we knew it, we were raising a glass in the departure lounge and ready for the flight home.

I was really fortunate to have my three squirrel friends as traveling companions. We shared a lot, laughed a lot, shopped a lot (well, more than RFS is used to, anyway) and when through a lot (remember, the marathon? Oh yeah, that). I hope I won't soon forget this wonderful adventure. I also hope I have more adventures with these wonderful people, ah, ahem, squirrels.

Sunday, November 30, 2003

I finished at 4 hrs, 18 minutes and 47 seconds ( the official clock says 4:19:27, but that is because it took me 40 seconds just to cross the Start line). That is a Personal Best (PB) for me and so much better than my last marathon in Red Deer.

I felt really strong the whole way. I wasn't at all "tired" aerobically. What gave out on me was my legs; I developed severe leg cramps 5 miles before the end of the marathon. The Seattle course has some killer hills at 19 miles. Soon after I hit the hills, my legs cramped up so much I had to stop and massage them. It got so bad in one place that I asked a volunteer to support me while I leaned on him and stretched. It was very painful. But I managed to keep going for the last 5 miles.

The weather for the marathon was really good for Seattle at this time of year. About 6°C, Partly cloudy although, there was a fairly strong wind off of Lake Washington.

One of my traveling partners was able to run roughly at my pace, so we decided to run together. It certainly is nice to have someone to run with. BonBon & I got off to a screaming start and by mile 4 had accumulated 4 minutes ahead of our target pace. We slowed down and were able to keep on pace for the next 11 miles. Then, around mile 15, we started to slip up a bit. When we reached the hills, I left BBS behind and thought I wouldn't see her until the end of the race.

To her great delight and my surprise, she caught up to me in the middle of the hilly section! We ran together for a while, but my cramps kept slowing me down and she left me behind. So she actually beat me!

That's OK, BBS, You certainly are a stronger runner than I am and if I didn't have those terrible cramps, we both would have finished together and had an awesome finish time.

Monday, November 10, 2003

"The weather was an apologetic drunkard who kept spilling rain at inopportune places, and then trying to say how sorry it was for the accident. The weather isn't due to sober up for a couple more days, so I imagine it'll have a substantial backlog of shame to work off once it gains a more or less clear head."

I can certainly picture the drunkard stumbling apologetically about, barely in control of his actions.

Should I aspire to this kind of writing? Should I stick to my own brand of prose?

Hey, how about another link while we are at it. This one is a marathoner who is also a cartoonist. I guess not all marathon runners are free-loaders like me. Some use their talents to do people some good.

It is a pity that Steve didn't finish documenting his marathon training. I noticed that the page was last updated July 2002 and stops at week 11. He is using that same program the I am and I think it is 19 weeks.

Saturday, November 08, 2003

32 Km, 2:53:14, Sunny -10°C, 7 km wind
Yes, you read it right. 32 KM in 2 hrs and 53 minutes. For you Americans, that is 20 miles at 14°F. To the athletes in the crowd, that isn't terribly fast. The rest of you are probably thinking, "What, is he crazy?"

Today was my longest run between now and the Marathon at the end of November. My run started out pretty cold. By the time I was finished, the temperature had risen to almost the freezing point.

Mo sent me this link she received in her email box. She told me that she found it very PBGish. I am inclined to agree with her. I wasn't too impressed with the layout of the site, so I thought I would look for other sites on fish philosophy. I did some searching and found out where this "fishy" business started out. Who ever thought a fish mongery shop would have a website!

I must admit, the first link says more about the fish philosophy and what it is about than the second link. I guess the gurus at the fish shop were advised to sell their ideas through their business consultants. How very American to sell your grass roots ideas to the highest bidder!

Saturday, November 01, 2003

Do you know how the PBGs "punished" me? They gave me more cans. They gave me more bottles. Soon I had so many cans, covered with ice and snow, that I had to stop running. They were so slippery! They were damn cold. I had too many! And I kept finding more.

So I gave in. I "tithed" by placing most of my found containers in a position where some other PBGer would notice them.

How did the PBGs reward me for this generous tithing? They gave me more cans. They gave me more bottles. And before I had more than I could handle, the gave me a bag to put them in.

I had coffee with a friend on Thursday. She is worried that her husband doesn't love her. I know that he does, and she is pretty sure that he does, but he doesn't show it to her very well.

*I* know that he loves her because I see it in his actions. He treats her with a great deal of respect. He honors her wishes and lets her be in control because he knows it makes her happier. Her well-being is his highest priority.

While my friend sees some of these ways he expresses his love for her, it isn't what she is looking for. She wants to receive cards. She wants "I love yous". She wants flowers. She wants tender touches (you know the kind that have nothing to do with sex?). She wants, in short, what most women want and what most men really don't understand. She wants a clear sign that she is loved!

Now, my friend is wise enough to know that her great need for external approval stems from her own insecurity. If he tells her he loves her, she will be more able to love herself. If he tells her she is lovely, she will feel slightly more beautiful. If he appreciates her appearance when she makes a special effort, she will take more care and look nicer for him.

So, for all you guys out there; pay attention. It isn't critical for you to understand your woman. Your route out of the dog house could well be very simple.

Notice the special efforts she makes. Take a sticky note, write a positive comment on it and leave it stuck to the microwave. Bring her an aspirin, without being asked and when she thanks you, tell her "you are worth it". She'll love you more, and in the end, you will find you love her more and show it to her better.

Saturday, October 25, 2003

I was high-jacked by friends to go and see a movie tonight; "The Life of David Gale" starring Kevin Spacey, Kate Winslet & Laura Linney. It was a difficult and engaging movie about Capital Punishment and Idealism and was also a bit like a murder mystery. There was also an under-current of the inevitability of death and the courage to face it.

After the movie, my friend gave me a ride home and we got to talking. I told her I was feeling selfish for spending so much money and time on training for and going to the Seattle Marathon.

"Just think of all the homeless people that could be fed if the tens of thousands of runners stayed home," I said. "What about the quality time with my family that I am giving up for this crazy hobby?" It makes running seem so foolish and selfish.

My friend, who has recently experienced more the her share of people close to her dying, gave me this advice.

"You have to follow your passions, because death can come suddenly and you may not have a tomorrow."

Well there is no doubt in my mind that running marathons is a passion of mine. I am registered in the Seattle marathon at the end of November; the debit has shown up on my Visa. I am going!

Eventually, you can look up finish times for Tim, Rita, Gina, Chris, Alesha, and Bonnie once they are posted.

Running is a powerful drug and most runners go into withdrawal when they don't/can't get a fix.

Friday, October 24, 2003

On the way home from work today I got to thinking about the value of what I am doing with my life. Although the work I accomplish is valuable (they wouldn't pay my wage if there was no value, would they?) It seems to me that it could easily be done by someone else. With billions of workers on the planet, I can hardly have a unique talent.

In what way is what I do special? How do I contribute to a world filled with worker-drones?

An ant hill has millions of virtually identical worker ants. Genetically, they are identical twin sisters. Almost like photocopies. Each ant wanders around ready to do any task that comes to hand (or perhaps pincher?) "There is a stone in the middle of this tunnel, I'll move it down the passage so it is out of the way." "This chamber is vacant, I will make it ready to be used for a brood chamber; ready for the next occupant." If some other ant encounters these tasks before me, they perform them and I simply look for something else to do. The task does not fit the ant, the ant simply finds the task.

As I look down on this ant hill from my godly position, I see only a mass of ants. They scurry here and there, each on their own "assigned task" Their ant hill, 100 times bigger than their diminutive size, is a marvel of their accumulated accomplishments.

So, my ant accomplishments are insignificant when you look at the entire ant world. With my smarter than average ant brain, I could decide that the queen ant would never notice if I went down a side passage and had a little nap.

Just don't tell the rest of the ants, because then nothing would get done and the hill would fall to ruin.

Monday, October 20, 2003

It is just as productive to try to predict the plan as it is to try to push it.7.1 Km, 36:44.11, Clear 3°C, 7 km wind

Yesterday was our (Mo & my) first "Faith Enquiry" session at United Church. None of the people I invited to come, actually came and the people who were there I hadn't expected. So my attempt to predict what would happen as well as my efforts to influence what happened both failed.

A strong indication (well, to me anyway) that I navigate the rapids, not control the river.

We talked about Baptism, Community, and a bit about our expectations for the class.

I felt a bit disappointed about the class, but came away with a very strong need to figure out why I am attending.

What need will Confirmation fill for me?

I liked what Mo said to be about confirmation: "In action and deed, perhaps you are already Confirmed. The ceremony is simply the celebration of what you have already decided" (paraphrased by me, BTW).

I don't feel like there are any particular things I want to learn about the process of Confirmation. I have been going to church for long enough to know how the service works and what the Creed means. I know there is still lots for me to learn, but I am not in a hurry. Why am I here? What is the hurry? Why now?

It just seems like time. I've tossed in my "Blind" and I have received my cards. Now I wait to place my bets and see what is on the "river".

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

First there is Robert. I met Robert as he was out walking his Grand Daughter's dogs Chance and Shadow. He is a very friendly fellow and quick to laugh. He was also carrying a bag of garbage he had collected along his path and some cans he had picked up. I told him I appreciated his efforts to tidy up the neighborhood.

At one point, Chance (who had a large cone shaped veterinarian collar on) dashed across the field to "greet" a lady and her dog. This turned out to be the second PBG Club member. She also admitted that she liked to have a clean neighborhood to walk through. She also cleaned up while she walked her dog.

After 7 years of waiting to encounter people who appreciated my cleaning up on my runs I didn't expect to meet two people with the same idea on the same day!

Then about 3 minutes later, I met another PBGer. This time it was another runner with a bag full of pop cans. I had never encountered her out running before and have not seen her since. She didn't seem at all embarrassed about being seen carrying bottles. I offered her some of mine, but she didn't want them.

I met all three of these people on the same run! Within 5 minutes time! They are all concerned with how messy the neighborhood is. They all are lending a hand to make a difference. They are all members of the PBG Club

I like the idea of the Doofus tribe used by nikkip.
I would like to start my own tribe too. Hopefully, my tribe will be more uplifting, but it is also tempting to just make it funny. Perhaps I will still illustrate the funniness of people without actually condemning them or laughing at them.

Yah, that sounds about right.

I intend to have a series of these posts, so look for the words PBG Club: in the title

Sunday, October 05, 2003

I met a Native Girl on my run today. As Neal said this evening, "I fell in love" instantly. It was as if I had known Her for a long time. This Native Girl is so much like the Spiritual Girl I am seeing now that it was breath-taking.

Unfortunately, like Neal, I saw her for only a brief glance, in passing on the trail. Actually it was one of the few moments that I was not chatting with Neal in 2 ? Hours of running.

Native Spirituality. Everything has a voice; birds, animals, trees, rocks. And Natives claim that they speak to them all. I imagine that a hunter would "hear" a lot from the twigs and blades of grass that have been displaced by his quarry. Moss on a tree tells him the direction he is facing. A bare rock marks a game trail or the den of an animal.

This seems pretty similar to the way the PBGs communicate with me. A bottle here, a playing card there. Perhaps a Milk jug or Jack, my prophetic rabbit. Symbols. Vocabulary from my conversations. I live in the city and the city "talks" to me.

Friday, October 03, 2003

To those who choose to believe in strange things; beware. Astrology is not exactly a science and not all practitioners are, &LT;Ahem&GT;, exactly, um, honest.

If this link goes dead, I'll tell you what it said here: Sara Freder is a fake and a lot of people have been suckered by her.

What surprises me most about these people is that none of them seem to consider that Sara Freder is probably not even a real person. Ever wonder who did all the fancy programming for 'her' site? Who set up all the programming for the accounts for people who are silly enough to register?

You might think *I* am crazy for inventing gods of my own, but I don't ask you to send me money.

Well, I thought about doing just that, but the PBGs slapped my hand and told me to get a life.

[Edit] Judging from the number of hits I get from Google searches for Sara Freder(2 or 3 A DAY!), there are a LOT of people who wonder about Sara Freder's service. If you want to get rich, try becoming a Motley Fool instead. With a small monthly investment you will gradually make that million you are hankering for. Once you are a millionaire, who can help being sexually attractive?

Thursday, October 02, 2003

What's important is not what others think of you, but what you think is Right.10.2 Km (hills), 49:26.5, Sunny 15°C, light wind

It's a wonder that I learn these things at all. For days and days (ok, so it has been my entire life, what of it) the PBGs have been pounding me with the same message over and over. It's one of those types of messages that you know in the back of your mind, but you choose to ignore it. How else could I miss something so obvious.

If you are outward focused like me, you are pretty sensitive to other peoples' mood. Sometimes you feel like you can read their minds just by watching how they react. Over a lifetime you get pretty good at it. But often, if you take the trouble to ask them, you usually get a surprise. They invariably are thinking something quite different than what you expect. Sometimes they are busy with their own lives (The NERVE!) and not thinking about you at all.

I was running hills today and saw a woman who was running hills too. She was going slower than me, but seemed to be a pretty good runner and being very relaxed about her exercise. I was thinking, "I wonder what she thinks of me", my efforts, my form, etc. Then it occurred to me that she didn't even seem to recognize that I was there running past her again and again.

The observation that she wasn't even aware of me, caused me to be aware of all the other reminders from the PBGs. They have been trying to get me to not be so obsessed with myself and how I appear to others.

So what if my 'gems of wisdom', my 'unique perspectives' are languishing in obscurity. If I am to write, I should write because I have something worth saying.

If someone finds my viewpoint valuable, that is what the PBGs intended. If not, just as the PBGs predicted, this is a valuable side trip from my path that I have learned from.Yes, MTRF, you told me that weeks ago, but there is hearing and there is understanding.

Yesterday, there was a bus driver who was acting in a very OOPBGB'ish way. He was being extra friendly, asking trivia questions, wishing riders a 'good day' over the loud speaker...

If you have ridden an ETS bus, you will know that this is extremely un-bus-driverly. I was supposing what other passengers thought of this behavior. "He's crazy", "Is he drunk", "He seems to be in a good mood", "Is he serious?", "Where did this guy escape from?". Those are the thoughts I would worry about, if I was that bus driver.

I don't really know what all those people thought (I was probably close, but I bet there were some people that thought other things). But what was more intriguing to me was what the bus driver thought he was doing. What was his motivation? Why was he acting so strangely? Did he know that it seemed strange (I am betting he did, but that he did it anyway)? What did he hope to accomplish? And, did it work? Were people positively affected by his unusual behavior?

To act with purpose (any purpose) is to go beyond just thinking.

Right or wrong, an action is better than just a thought. And a fear of a thought, which kills an action, is murder in high degree.

Tuesday, September 30, 2003

This morning the PBGs confided that my online journal writing is just a bridge to carry me to a new path. They have been hinting this for weeks.

We came to this conclusion by reflecting on where I've been so far with Them. I've run many miles with Them now and They have lead me down many new paths. I am starting Boy's Group for the second year and it has a very different feel to it. It is still exciting, but it doesn't seem to be as risky as it was last year. I will have to work harder to make it fresh again.

The point is, new things and the associated reason for doing them turn into old things. If you continue doing them for a long time, often the reasons you started doing them fall away and are replaced by new reasons. More often than not, the old reasons are replaced simply by a mindless habit.

Monday, September 29, 2003

Today was my first Church Boy's Group. My lack of planning meant that most of the church didn't know that today was the first day. Sigh. There were 4 boys (counting my own son). They are keen though.

We played foot ball, and invented a new game that involved lots of running around, up and down the stairs of the church. I think this new game is just a little too dangerous.

Speaking of dangerous, I proposed building a go-cart to the boys. I told them they would have to be on their best behavior and that we would need a few more boys to make a go of it. I think they were excited about the project. I only hope to PBGs I can pull this off.

I think with the help of other men in the congregation, I will have sufficient help to build this little project. The more men and boys I can bring into it, the better. Get those dads involved with their sons, or other people's sons. Kids just don't get enough quality time with their male role models. Men just don't make enough time to be with their young boys.

I hope I can make some men see that it is important to do things with kids. I hope I can fill some of those empty holes in my boys' hearts with excitement and feelings of accomplishment.

Most of all I hope I don't make a fool of myself. Oh, maybe that is just Servant Two tripping me up again.

Saturday, September 27, 2003

I don't want to be predictable and I strive to be different from the run of the mill person, and

my best yardstick for my achievement is what other people think of me.

These two servants help me stagger my way through lift.

Servant One helps me to be spontaneous, creative, unique, flexible and humorous. But the bumbling fool gets in the way of my sticking to a schedule, planning things out carefully, being repeatable and being consistent. Servant Two helps me be a very be conscientious, sensitive to other peoples feelings, responsive, loving and giving. In short, Two helps me care. Two trips me up too, though. He keeps me from seeing my own value, makes me second guess my own accomplishments, has me feeling insufficient and makes me long to 'prove myself' all the time.

These two servants are part of the central core of me. They influence everything I do and think. They never leave my side. Their positive aspects add light to my life and their negative aspects have a detrimental effect on my sense of well being.

The catch is that I can't let these servants go without losing the better half of me. I can't dismiss the self reproving and retain the hard worker. I would have to let go of the spontaneity along with the erratic planning style.

Do you have servants that are the root of both good things and bad things in your life?

Saturday, September 20, 2003

I have been meaning to write about something that was first related to me by the PBGs a couple of weeks ago. That particular weekend was swamped with other messages and feelings, so this minor Idea was forgotten for a while.

I was complaining to the PBGs that they weren't very good at telling stories. "Life," I said, "is very random and it is hard to find the meaning in a lot of what happens to us on a daily basis." You would think that They, being masters of randomness and coincidence and all, would be somewhat apologetic about this "weakness" in their dominion over the world.

But no. In Their usual dismissive, yet completely serious manner, They said:

"It is you Humans who like to tell stories."

(Actually it may have been "... you, Human, who likes to tell stories." Either one applies, but they are quite different and I am not sure which one is better)

That (those?) statement(s) seem very clear to me, but perhaps I should elaborate a bit for the sake of the reader.

We like to tell ourselves and others stories. We expect life to follow the script. We look for the happily ever after endings.

God, on the other hand, deals with "what is". God doesn't live in Hollywood. God's Plan wasn't commissioned in Hollywood either. Life doesn't start with a problem, move through a climax and end in resolution in 2 1/2 hours. Sure there is some "character development" in Life, but sometimes that seems accidental.

Life is messy and we hate it for that. We want life to be neat and tidy

Like a Sit-Com, we want life to have a purpose, message, interesting characters and be over in an hour, tops.

We demand that the bad guys get punished

We expect the Hero to get the Girl

in a really good story, we want to see growth in the principle characters.

In Real life, however, the good guy often dies. Sometimes even prematurely, for no good reason (as far as we can tell, anyway). Often what should happen, doesn't. The resolution refuses to come. The Happy Ending dreamed of remains a heart-felt wish.

(whew, how depressing! Keep reading, it gets less heavy from here)

So my point of view is that it is important for us story tellers (i.e. you and me) to get out there and make the stories come true. Because *WE* have the sense that the stories outcomes are important, *WE* have to be the authors of the actions that *MAKE* those stories come true. The PBGs assist, but *WE* are the story tellers.

Perhaps that isn't as "very clear", as even I thought it was. Who is telling the story? Us? The PBGs? I guess I will have to wait until I read the last chapter.

Friday, September 19, 2003

A 'friend' from New Zealand brought me a new phrase today. "Kia Kaha", which means "Stand Strong" or "Stay Strong" in the Maori language te reo Maori.

I like the encouragement part of this saying. If I can help you be strong and you can help me be strong we will be strong together. That is a tenant worthy of the PBGs or any faith worth its salt!
P.S. Mo will especially like the first 'kia kaha' link

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

I like Frazz. It is a lot like Calvin and Hobbs, but is much gentler. It is also about a runner, like me, which is also good.

I met one of my bus friends on the bus today and introduced her to my son. She is a teacher's aid in one of the elementary schools in Edmonton. She is also slightly retarded. A special person though. She is always bright and cheery. She talks a lot and asks a tonne of questions. She was quizzing my son on his French vocabulary. A definite PPBG if I ever saw one.

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

I think the Guys have noticed that I have been looking around. I have been trying on different faiths to see how they feel. How do I like the fit of Deism? What is this Gnosticism I've heard about at the water cooler? Am I closer to Secular Humanism or Religious Humanism? I called up my old flame, Agnosticism, just to confirm that I am firmly out of her tent now.

And what about her seductive sister Atheism. Naw, she was never really my type, although she certainly appeals to my logical mind.

There are lots of girls in the spiritual meat market. Take a look at this list for starters. Here are some that I have heard about, but haven't dated yet:

Bah'i

Buddhism

Confucianism

Hinduism

Islam

Jainism

Native American

Noahidism

Pagan

Pantheism

Shintoism

Taoism

Unitarian Universalism

Zoroastrianism

Really, Guys, I am just sowing my wild oats here. I need to play the field before I make any ever-lasting commitments. Surely you understand that? Don't tell me you are jealous gods! That's a mark against you, in my books.

Okay, you caught me. For the sake of a good story I told a little fib. When I said that I was skunked, that wasn't completely true. At the end of my run I did get a bottle.

Not completely abandoned. Still there listening to me, just reserving Their judgment. As beings far more mature than I, They know that I need a little wiggle room. They provide me with breathing space. They are not in any hurry what-so-ever.

"Besides," They flippantly add, "All roads lead inexorably to us, so take your pick."

Sunday, September 14, 2003

... Then I got to thinking about how I "control" the PBGs. My thoughts are in the drivers seat. It is my agenda that is on the table. They make comments about, and additions to my monologue, but it is me who is the script writer.

Am I so vain as to think that I am "writing" myself a better part in God's play?

Actually, no. In truth, I don't delude myself that way. Deep down I know who is in charge. I realize that I have influence on what happens around me, but that I have a very tenuous control. It would take very little for my 'house of cards' world that I have built up around me to come toppling down.

The fact that I have any influence at all in this crazy mixed up world is the true blessing. That is why it is so important that I use the gifts God has given me to enhance the world around me. I cannot change the overall map of the Plan, but I still have the free will to mark my own trail on it.

In fact , the Plan is the result of the sum total of all of Humanities reaction to what it is to be alive.

When stated that way, it is obvious that I have a say, but that I am not in control.

Saturday, September 13, 2003

Mo & I ran together again today; I am so proud of her (OK, so maybe I am hoping she will read this and I'll get brownie points). She has progressed to running 4 min. and walking 1 min. Yeah Mo! You can do it! (Neal says, "Time to move up to 5:1's")

While Mo was with me, she was trying to interpret what the PBGs were saying. "Whoa there!... isn't that my job? That isn't how I would interpret what was said at all...", I said.

I guess I don't want to lose control of my gods.

On reflection, however, it makes sense that they talk differently to her than they do to me. She has read my journal right from the very beginning and has seen the concept developing since I collected the first pop can. But she is on a Different Path and is engaged in an entirely different Conversation.

Thursday, September 11, 2003

I had another brief chat with Hunter today. He keeps showing up on his porch just as I go by. It is almost like he is waiting for me to come along.

Today he was concerned about a bad dream he had last night. He told me that in his dream, a drunk from across the street came and picked him up, hurting him. He described the man as having a black shirt with a red dragon on the front.

Interested, I asked him to draw me a picture of the man and to post it in his front window where I would see it the next time I went by. I told him I was interested in seeing what his black shirted man looked like.

So, Hunter is OOPBGB today. He has his sword drawn and will chase down his fears. He will draw a box around his evil dream and confine it to the 2D world of paper and crayon.

Humor. It is a gift from the gods. Use it wisely.Apparently, the sixth Suggestion is NOT about pushing the Plan as foretold by some lowly prophet. It has to do with breaking the ice with strangers. There is nothing as good as humor for breaking through someone's reserve; to catch them unawares. It is most successful when it is something undeniably true, positive in nature and just a tiny bit silly.

But wisdom is also required when using humor. One must use careful timing. One must be responsive to the mood of the target. One must be cautious about seeming to be laughing at the person instead of the much more desirable laughter with the person.

EDIT:Got any other ideas on how humor is a gift from the gods?

Drop me a note about it and I'll include it here

Mo: Posted 9.17.2003 11:47 AM - my special someone.
Like fire, humor can warm the soul or burn the fingers and takes lots of practice. I follow that ancient clown, Jesus, who talked of being non-judgmental and kind but having goofy stories to make a point (anyone tried sewing with a camel stuck in their needle recently???).

MissFlibberty: Posted 9.18.2003 5:15 PM
Some of the best humour can be found in normal, everyday events and occurrences - and all of our every day things are gifts from God! In finding humour in these everyday happenings we are recognizing God in all things- maybe helps stop us from taking them for granted.

Wednesday, September 10, 2003

Today was my first day of hill training of the 'summer'. It was hard work. I was way over dressed. It is hard to think profound thoughts when you are pounding up and down a steep hill, sweating profusely and trying not to look totally winded to the other runners passing by. (Un)fortunately, there were no other people doing hills today.

I got a visitor to my journal over the weekend. First person to actually respond! I am so relieved. Now I can relax and just enter in stuff. I hope that if you are reading this, you will be moved to respond. I don't really care if you have something profound to say, just let me know you are alive and what you think about life and your path along the great Journey.

Tuesday, September 09, 2003

I spent some time looking for journalizers closer to my own age. Their language was more mature and the content was less self centered than the teens I read yesterday (they seem to realize that other people have feelings). The older journalizers, however, were still struggling with loneliness and depression.

This certainly doesn't seem to be the outlet I was hoping it would be. I doubt I am going to get any "Community" from the journals I find on EasyJournal.

Back in the real world, I met an old church friend on the bus today. I hardly recognized her. She is divorced from her abusive husband and fighting for custody of her 3 children. I am not entirely sure that she would be a better single mother to these kids than the father and his new partner are.

The world is full of hurting and broken people. Sigh.

Journalizer - Someone who keeps a personal or financial journal. I looked it up on dictionary.com

Monday, September 08, 2003

Still ruminating on the Conversation of the weekend. I have spent some time looking at other journals on EasyJournal.com. Most that I have found are written by young teens struggling with depression, school, boy/girl friend trouble, addiction and, most frequently, loneliness. It is really quite sad. A web log allows you to communicate with the entire world, but, realistically, very few people will read, consider and respond positively to your heart-felt musings.

I feel that I want to help them in some way, but I also feel that it is not my place to point out the 'error of their ways'. It would probably be pointless. "The do-gooders do more harm than good." I've sent out a couple of simple messages, but haven't received any messages myself.

Okay, Guys, I hear you whispering back there; "Don't push the Plan", That doesn't preclude me from worrying and feeling frustrated!

Saturday, September 06, 2003

PBGs, please forgive your humble devotee. You spoke to me with such insistence this weekend, but I just couldn't decipher what your message meant.

I am sure that this material merits a Suggestion or at least a Supposition, but I just can't boil it down to one general phrase;maybe You could break it down a bit for your lowly servant?

I had a longer than usual run on this Saturday morning. Mo ran with me for the first 20 minutes and we discussed my worries about my new online journal. It seems to me that what it has to say is at odds with the other types of "Blogs" on the internet. Does my "conversation" have any merit? Will it be useful to the regular online readership? I told Mo I would take my concerns to the PBGs and see what they had to say.

As I said, Their comments were profound but also confounding. They warned about distraction. Or maybe it was the comment, "Sure, distract yourself for a bit, the true direction change will come after this little side trip". Perhaps I miss read the signs all-together.

Then there was the park bench with the bag half full of collected bottles and cans. I found it in the middle of a deserted park. My assumption is that it was collected by some poor homeless person. Why they left it behind (and some mens' clothing as well) is a mystery to me (and will probably stay that way too). On a whim, I added the bottles and cans I had already collected into the bag. I don't know if my action was participation in a mini miracle for a street person, annoyed an overworked city cleanup worker or whether my "contribution" will simply be tossed in the nearby garbage bin. Only the PBGs know for sure what part this act plays in the Plan.

Next, the PBGs, through various course corrections and distractions, brought me to a community playground that was under construction. The park was well off my chosen path and it was surprising that I had arrived there at all. It turned out that the community work crew was short 5 people and behind schedule. They wanted to get the site ready for pouring concrete that was coming in a couple of hours.

To make a long story short, I volunteered to help out and worked from 12:30 to 8:00! I am an Agent of the PBGs. Where they lead, I follow (... sometimes, eh Jack?)

After I had a quick shower, Mo & I went to the church movie night. The movie they showed was "Thirteen Conversations About One Thing". Wow! Does that movie ever dove-tail into my weekend conversation! It is a bout how interconnected our lives are and how small actions of one person can have dramatic effect on another person. Hello? Sound familiar? Agents of the PBGs unite!

BTW... I even did a search on the internet to read the reactions of other people to the movie. I found more interesting hits to the search string "Thirteen Conversations About the Same Thing". Sometimes a miss-quoted string gives you 'better' hits because it side-steps the corporate analysis and mainstream reviews. It also takes you to the dough-head pages of people who are too careless to quote it properly. Alas.

Thursday, September 04, 2003

The PBGs say "Count on Us to have the consistency of a sunrise and the Love of a Rose."

Our conversation was fixated on consistency & spontaneity/impulsiveness (my (?) fault, probably). The PBGs reminded me that it is not They that are inconsistent forces in the world. On the contrary! It is us, the hands of the PBGs, that are at the root of most inconsistent behavior. If we didn't have free will, we would be more like a rose and bloom at the appointed time and die with the chill winds of fall.

Instead, we long for things we can't reasonably expect to have, strive for things beyond our grasp, and toil endlessly for things we do not exactly need.

Don't get me wrong, our free will is as much a blessing as a curse. We are the builders of a new world. The future is in our hands. We also have the ability to be the destroyers of the world.

I believe that is why the PBGs gave us free will. And also why it is imperative that all our actions be actions of heart-felt Love and thought-full reflection.

One more thought from the PBGs (I know, it has also been written down in some other popular Book):

"To thine own self be true"

Here is someone who seems to know the flip side of being consistent. Randomness, the internet and the PBGs brought me to his site. I sent a message of encouragement to him. I like to call it blog tag.

Wednesday, September 03, 2003

Yesterday was the first day of school for my kids. Since my son is in grade 7 this year, he was especially nervous about going back to school.

As it happens, Hunter, who is the boy I taught how to make a snowman last year (see Suggestion #2) stopped me this morning. He remembered me from last year and wanted to talk to me! We had a short chat about his first day at school. He was worried and confessed that had cried the night before.

I told him that my own son was going into grade 7 and that he needed a hug too. Hunter seemed very glad to hear that. Today, I chanced to see Hunter again and his first day was great. He was no longer concerned about school and seemed to think it was fun.

I keep telling the PBGs that I want some connection with the people I see on my running route (perhaps I have that wrong; maybe it is Them encouraging me to connect with them). Well it is starting to happen.

Monday, September 01, 2003

Summary of Suggestions and Suppositions to-date
Here is a quick summary of the "Inducements" ("commandments" is simply too strong a word for the PBGs). For a full explanation of what these inducements meant to me at the time I was given them, follow the links.

Suggestion 7: What's important is not what others think of you, but what you think is Right.

And Here are the Suppositions so far:

Supposition a): A small coincidence can have a large meaning and a large coincidence can have no meaning; it all depends on your frame of mind.

Supposition b): How things Seem and how they Are often differ. Which is more important depends on the observer.

Supposition c): Life is a Journey. Even the distractions laid in your path are part of the Journey. It may seem like the distractions pull you away from "The One True Path" but that is a lie. Your path is what you choose it to be.

Supposition d): It is just as productive to try to predict the plan as it is to try to push it.

You may have noticed that there are two Suggestions numbered 4. When I wrote them into my running journal, I didn't notice this error in numbering. When I discovered it later on, the numbering seemed appropriate because both Suggestions are essentially the same. So I have left it that way. The PBGs truly work in mysterious (and, I think, wonderful) ways.

Wednesday, August 27, 2003

Life is a Journey. Even the distractions laid in your path are part of the Journey. It may seem like the distractions pull you away from "The One True Path" but that is a lie. Your path is what you choose it to be.

The PBGs offered an interesting package to me on my last long run. It has caused me to think hard about my actions. Today's Supposition comes out of that thought train. I must try to ensure that the distractions in my life are chosen to aid me in my journey (eg. provide stress relief, not procrastination), brighten my spirits, replenish my resources and/or support my aims and goals in life (i.e. my Journey).

It is OK to be distracted as long as I am not neglecting my responsibilities.

Sunday, May 04, 2003

First "small group ministry" with our new church running group this evening. We did 1 & 2's for 7 reps. [1 minute running and 2 minutes walking repeated 7 times] I think the group found it pretty easy. Our goal is to be able to run a 5 km race, non-stop after 10 weeks.

The group didn't seem very interested in my PBG story. It could be that I will not have the receptive audience that I had hoped for. Pitty.

Friday, May 02, 2003

I talked with the man in green again today. Patience is also rewarded. Apparently he used to be a good runner but he currently does it for the exercise and to "keep his back strong." I really like seeing people day after day; slowly building relationships with these reluctant strangers. I feel like I am adding colour to the world, one stroke at a time.

My goal is to put rainbow colours into these people's grey lives (if they are willing to "reach beyond their boundaries").

My Conversations with the PBGs have been irreparably changed with the reading of John Spong's book "A New Christianity for a New World". Since he called into question the idea that there is a "Being out there", I have wondered if there really is anyone there to converse with.

That is why understanding what his "Ground of Being" really means has attained such importance to me now. Marcus Borg, however seems to contain a way out with his "God is in everything" viewpoint.

Saturday, January 04, 2003

First day of training for the May 5 Marathon in Vancouver. "Advanced Marathon" book is too advanced for me at this time. I will stick to the Running Room program for now. Also swam with the family today.