Because I cannot deal with the core issue, all I have to say is if I ever do manage to have children? And I walk around with them on attractive pink gingham safety leashes BOLTED to my waist/belt/whatever? Whoever is creeped out by it is free to kiss my broad black backside from end to end.

My mom totally leashed me, and I didn't know until I came home from college one holiday and was rummaging through a drawer and found my LEASH. Which was indeed hot pink gingham, by the way. (Mother was completely unapologetic. And I did scare her to death by hiding in a clothing store when I was two so I can't say anything.)