ta-da!

hoist a new flag

With our recent and jarring change of direction, America needs a snappy, updated look to represent the bold new course we’re on.

Now, I’m no Betsy Ross, but I propose the Jolly Roger — the old pirate’s flag.

The skull and crossbones is a very fitting symbol. It reflects the principles of Blackbeard and Captain Hook, Calico Jack and the GOP. They’re the future. Not stodgy old geezers like Jefferson and Franklin, Abraham Lincoln. Who needs barnacles like them? Heck, who needs affordable healthcare and the arts and environmental protections? We need a damn wall and bombs and a deadbeat president afraid of looking weak without his silly wall and his bombs and his ridiculous scowl.

‘Tis time to come about, mateys. Please be showing our true colors as we haul wind from the old ways. And show a leg! Arrrrr.