Sunday, June 28, 2009

Dear GPS,I will never, ever, ever take you for granted again. Seriously. I had to drive the streets of Chicago with written directions! Written! I felt like I was living in the stone age. I just needed Barney to hop in the car and help me push with his feet. I'm amazed that we got anywhere before the GPS. I now bow down to the awesomeness that is my GPS and promise to never (okay, maybe occasionally, let's keep it real) gripe again about how you often take me on crazy routes or the fact that you don't have the exact street number I'm looking for. It's probably the manufacturer's fault anyway.I did in fact survive the drive (as evidenced by the fact that I'm typing these letters) and did not get lost, but I do NOT want to do it again. Who knew street signs were so hard to see?

Directionally Yours,MIHH

Dear idiots who run the airports,

No free WiFi? Are you kidding me? I am so not giving my cc number to a site called boing boing (whoever thought that up should be smacked soundly about the head and shoulders-possibly with a wet noodle) so I can surf the web while I wait. $9.95 per airport? Um, no.

Cheaply,MIHH

Dear people on the plane who turn their phones on immediately upon landing,

Are you really that important? REALLY? Couldn't it wait until we deplaned (one of the coolest words ever)? I do not need to overhear you telling your friend/coworker/significant other how you almost hurled during take off. Honestly, I could go all day without thinking about that. Please, do us all a favor and just wait until we've deplaned (twice in one post!).

Sickened,MIHH

Dear really wired guy on my plane,

Do you honestly need 2 blackberries, a phone AND an iPhone? I'm sure you think it makes you look uber cool, but trust me, it does not. It makes you look like a tool. Actually, you are a tool. Accept it. Also, when you turn on all of your wireless thingies, you might think about turning the sound off on the buttons, because I came perilously close to grabbing it out of your hand and hurling it down the aisle. Beep, beep, beepity, beep, beep, beep for 10 minutes is ANNOYING. I know you had to check the hundreds of super important messages face book sent you regarding comments on your status (Getting on a plane), but for the love of all that is holy, turn off the freaking sound on the buttons before I turn into a raving madwoman and shove it so far up a certain orifice that your teeth will vibrate when it rings. From all the eye rolling and heavy sighing pointed in his direction I could tell I was not the only one annoyed by this.

Courteously,MIHH

Dear Atlanta Hartsfield International Airport,

Bite Me. I hate you.

Affectionately,MIHH

Dear people who elect not to bathe before flying,

I hate you. Everyone on the plane hates you. We look at you that way because you smell. If you showered, we'd probably all be smiling at you. Well, maybe not. We are flying after all and no one is happy when they fly unless they've had a few cocktails, but at least we wouldn't be giving you the evil eye.If you happen to sit next to me, please do not be offended if I whip out a small bottle of perfume and begin spraying it in your general direction. And I won't even wait until you're asleep like my friend B did on the flight back from Ireland. I nearly cried I was laughing so hard when she told me this story. I will never be able to look at a bottle of Clinique Happy again without thinking of her spraying down an unsuspecting man on an airplane. Awesome. I use Philosophy's Amazing Grace, so be prepared to smell super pretty should you sit by me. I get lots of compliments on how nice I smell, so you should feel priviledged. It would be better for eveyone though if you just showered.

Sweetly,MIHH

Oh man, do I feel better! I cannot thank Kat enough for this. I don't have enough to make a full blog post, but by putting my thoughts into letter form I can get them all in at once. Seriously, I cannot wait until next Friday when I can dump all my other complaints!

Friday, June 26, 2009

I have been looking forward to this day all week and now I can't remember a single gripe I had. Drat. Let me think. Oh, yeah, I've got plenty just from yesterday and this morning! Here we go!

Dear TV/Radio Stations, Newspapers, Media-in-general,

Yes, it is very sad that Michael Jackson passed away. He was a great artist. He sold a gazillion records (maybe I should call them albums since they're not really records anymore?). He had a wacky, weird life. However, my world will NOT change and I don't need to watch/hear/read 24 hour coverage of how sad the "real" fans are. Could we please find something else to talk about? Like, oh, I don't know, maybe North Korea? Soldiers dying in Iraq and Afghanistan? Iran? I'm just sayin.

Heartless,MIHH

Dear John Mayer,

A major strand of our cultural DNA has left us? Ugh. You are a tool. I'm glad you and Jen are no longer.

Annoyed,MIHH

Dear hangers-on, former celebs, and wanna-be's,

Please crawl back to the underbelly from whence you came. Michael Jackson's death is not your opportunity to be on TV/radio expounding on how much you loved him/how well you knew him even though you hadn't talked in X number of year/how close you were to the family. You are tools as well. Go away.

Seriously annoyed,MIHH

Dear Farrah Fawcett,

I feel bad that your passing has been eclipsed and you are not getting the kind of attention you would have had MJ not passed on the same day.

RIP,MIHH

Dear Weather,

You suck.

Sweatily,MIHH

Dear Peanut Butter commercials,

Please stop making me feel bad because I don't have those "special" moments over a PB&J sandwich. I realize that PB&J is a huge part of the average kid's diet (though Indy hates Jelly), but it is possible to bond over something other than food. Also, you're still advocating white bread? Really? Have you looked at the average overweight child lately?

Peanut Butter hater,MIHH

Dear body/brain,

You KNOW that sinfully delicious 10 layer dark chocolate cake with raspberry coulis is not good for you. KNOW IT. Please stop craving it. It will go straight to the hips/ass area and no one wants that. I don't care how good it is, it's not worth the 800 hours on treadmill it will take to work it off (along will all the chocolate cake that currently resides there). I cut my hair off because it was annoying me and not behaving. Take that as a lesson.

Hungrily,MIHH

Dear Rhode Island,

You're seriously thinking of changing your name? Do your politicians have nothing better to do with their time than work on pushing through a bill that that is undoubtedly using up thousands of tax payer dollars and no one really cares about? Just because your full name has the word "plantations" in it (did you know that reader? It is officially the State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations) does not mean it evokes thoughts of slavery. Good grief. Learn your own freaking history.

Eye-rollingly yours,MIHH

Dear Kat,

Thank you so much for starting this. It's very cathartic. I am insanely jealous though that you're too busy roaming the English country side to participate.

Enviously,MIHH

Ahhhhhh, I feel much better! Don't you? Hop on over to 3 Bedroom Bungalow and read all the letters.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

One more reason to love Johnny Depp (not that I need one). He was in Chicago last week (I knew I should have come to town last week) and after spending many hours at a restaurant with cast members from his new movie Public Enemies (I am so going to see this), he left a four thousand dollar tip for the server. You can read the full story (as well as see a few yummy photos) here.

http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/access-hollywood-johnny-depp-tip.html

I love Edward Cullen, but Johnny Depp will always be number 1 on my "list."

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Having fun with my peeps, but still found some time to blog. See how much I love and adore my sweet readers? Yes, you! You all know my sick adoration, obsession, mania love for Twilight. Here is something to keep you entertained while I'm enjoying the Windy City.

I've never seen HS Musical, but am familiar enough to find this Twilight Parody awesome.

I like this one a lot, except for the end.

And because it deserves to be seen again (and again and again and again):

Holy @#$% I almost missed RTT! What? How could this happen? Flying. That's how.

*I flew to Chicago today. Hurrah!

*My first flight was almost 2 hours late and I ended up with a 9 minute layover. I (along with 6 other people bound for Chicago from my first flight) ran through the terminal from Gate B4 to Gate B33. We got there just prior to the door closing. Whew!

*Why can't they open the door of an aircraft after it's closed? I mean it doesn't hermetically seal once it's closed. Why not open it back up and let a late passenger on? That's just silly.

*Most of the people on my first flight missed their connection. I feel bad for them, but was glad I was not among their ranks.

*I feel ridiculously sad when I lose a follower. Isn't that odd? It wonder, did I do something wrong? Do they not like me anymore? Validate me! Validate me!

*Man, I'm sad.

*Indy lost a tooth this morning. The tooth fairy has to visit courtesy of Gigi tonight. Haha!

*It's hot in Chicago too! What the?????

*There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar. I don't know what they are though. I just know the number.

*Every time you lick a stamp you gain 1/10 of a calorie. I KNEW that's why I was gaining weight! KNEW IT!

*Cobbling together an Indiana Jones birthday party is hard. Why couldn't he have wanted an IJ party LAST year when it was everywhere? I'm driving myself batty (or rather snakey) trying to pull this off. His b-day is a month away and I still have so much to do.

*I love birthday parties.

*Actually, I love parties.

*And Edward Cullen (but you knew that, right?).

*I saw a photo of Jon and Kate's wedding today and I felt really sad for them. Damn it photo! I don't want to feel sad for them, but looking at them in that photo, I felt bad for the people in the photo who didn't know what was in their future.

*I still think Kate is a crazy beyotch and Jon a slacker though.

*Also, those houses in the show last night (Oh, hush up, you know you watched it too) were freaking adorable. And I want one. For me.

*Why is it considered cool for me to have a "man cave" but no one ever thinks to make a private room for women? I want my very own private room!

*The woman on 18 Kids and Counting has a terribly annoying voice. And really, how has her uterus not fallen out?

Friday, June 19, 2009

I get it. You love children (what are you up to-25 now?). You work hard to help refugees (which is noble, and I'm all for). You have a gazillion dollars and Brad Pitt. You don't use a nanny (I'm not sure I'm buying that). You cook for your family. Blah, blah, blah. Do you HAVE to look so good all the time though? I really hate you for that. I think you're a home wrecker (that's right, I said it), but it's the fact that you always look good that makes me really dislike you though.

Enviously,MIHH

Dear American Drivers,

LEARN. TO. DRIVE. The left lane is supposed to the fast lane. You do not need to come to a complete bloody stop to make a right hand turn from a four lane highway. You CAN actually do the speed limit. Or maybe even a few miles over! Also, get off your phone and drive.

Road Ragingly Yours,MIHH

Dear Summer,

You don't even start for a few more days. Could you lay off and actually wait before taking over? It is so hot here it's ridiculous. I know you've got a big ego because everyone is always going on and on about how they love summer, but if you keep this oppressive heat up, everyone's love for you will wither up and die, just like many of the plants around here because it's so bloody hot and there has been no rain.

Staying Indoors,MIHH

Dear Disney,If you read my letter to Summer, you know how I feel about the heat. You have one of the best and most profitable business models in the world, meaning you're rich as Croesus. Please take some of that money and put a dome over WDW and air condition the whole thing. I'd like you so much more if I didn't sweat so much while visiting you during the warm months.

Too hot to love Mickey,MIHH

Dear Germany,

Target. If you had them, you'd love them. You do not know what you're missing. Get with the program and get some Target stores. I know you all hated Wal-Mart and their business practices and ran them out of business (I applaud you for that), but I promise, Target is different. Give them a chance. It hurts me that you haven't yet.

I hate to say this, but I adore your cutie pie-ness. You're very fan friendly too and I appreciate that (on behalf of all the screaming teens and tweens). I like your style and wish boys across America would take some fashion advice from you. I'm sick of the slob look. Your semi-wholesome, yet hip look and bubble gum pop make me ridiculously happy. You may have even found your way onto my iPod.

Embarrassed,MIHH

Dear commercials,

I thought I missed you. Turns out I don't. Commercials are annoying. Yes, the weird little things they put between shows on AFN are also annoying, but rarely do they gross me out (I'm looking at you Hardees/Carl's Jr.).

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Wheeee! It is Tuesday, right? Being on vacay and in a different time zone mixes up my days big time. I’ve seen other RTT posts, so I’m going to assume that it is and go with it.

*My mom’s cuckoo clock is about 2 and half hours off, so it cuckoos the wrong hour at random times. It does not help my confusion.

*I took 2 naps yesterday. From 10-12 and then from 4-5:30. I went to bed at 11 and woke up at 8 this morning. Heaven.

*My mom’s dogs had puppies 3 weeks ago today (shih-tzu). They are learning how to walk today. It is so sweet it makes my teeth hurt. I’m afraid of getting a cavity here.

*The only little girl puppy is missing her right rear hip joint. Isn’t that odd?

*Laundry sucks no matter what country or time zone you’re in.

*My feet are killing me. In the past week, between touring DC and Disney, I’ve walked over 75 miles.

*I did NOT do it in heels. I like my feet, and would like to keep them.

*Is it wrong that I was kind of thrilled when Prince Charming kissed my hand at dinner?

*Did you know Panama Hats are made in Ecuador?

*Americans suck at driving. Oh, that’s right, I said it. And I’ll say it again. Americans suck at driving. The left lane is for faster drivers. Get over if you’re going to drive slow. Also, coming to almost a complete stop to make a right hand turn? Really? AGHHHHHH!!!!

*I love Magnum PI. I could watch it all day. Higgins is the man!

*Conan O’Brian is not good on the Tonight Show.

*Ever since I posted about singing “I’m Just A Bill” on the Capitol steps yesterday, I’ve been singing it in my head.

*The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

*Engelbert Humperdink’s real name was Arnold Dorsey. How on EARTH did he come up with Engelbert Humperdink?

There’s some real randomness up there, huh? For more random goodness, go check out the UnMom.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Sooooo…tired. Can barely type. But, I’m dedicated to you people, so I’ll push on. I’ve just spent the last 5 days in Orlando at Disney with my mom, step-dad, Indy and my cousin’s daughter, the Laugher. Heaven help me. Indy and Laugher are two peas in a pod. Yak, yak, yak. Dance, dance, dance. Giggle, giggle, giggle. Quiet was only found when they finally dropped from sheer exhaustion and slept for a few hours. Indy’s a sleep talker though, so occasionally I’d hear a crazy outburst from him in the middle of the night.

We (and by we, I mean my mom) sprung for bit more this go round and got the new pirate themed rooms at Disney’s Caribbean Beach Resort. Awesomeness is all I can say. Big kudos to the money factory that is Disney! These rooms were fun. What grown up doesn’t secretly want to sleep in a bed shaped like a pirate ship? None! Who doesn’t want the carpeting in their room to look like the planks of a ship deck? No one! Dressers shaped like a stack of cargo boxes? Yes, please! Mini-fridge tucked inside a barrel? Fun! You couldn’t not like this room.

See? Isn’t that cool? The bathroom was behind the curtain and carried the theme. There was a Flying Dutchman (Davey Jones’ ship) carved into the marble of the shower wall. Indy thought that was neat. Oh, want to see Indy’s reaction to it?

As you can see, he really liked it. Here are a few photos of our very tiring, very hot, very noisy trip.

The dinner with Cinderella and Prince Charming was one of our favorite things. We did a total of 5 character meals, but this one was spectacular. I have to say though, the step-mother and step-sisters were my favorites though. They were hilarious.

I think these ladies have the best job in WDW because they get to be grumpy and loud. We had a late dinner and at 9:30 they were getting ready to leave. One of the servers came by our table to make sure we had seen them all before they left. Lady Tremaine (step-mother) was right behind him and quipped that they had seen her and she was the only one that mattered anyway. When I grow up I want to be Lady Tremaine (without the bad ending).

I have a total of about 600 pictures from the trip, but these are some of my faves. I hope you enjoyed them. And now I’m off for some rest from my vacation. :)

Monday, June 15, 2009

I can't believe I forgot to post this in my previous entry! After we went to Arlington, we took the metro back to the Mall area, and got off at the capitol stop. We hauled ourselves in the incredible heat (good grief, it was hot) to the steps of the Capitol, where we sat and sang the School House Rock Song "I'm just a Bill" over and over. Do you remember that song?

I'm just a billYes, I'm only a billAnd if they vote for me on Capitol HillWell, then I'm off to the White HouseWhere I'll wait in a lineWith a lot of other billsFor the president to signAnd if he signs me, then I'll be a law.How I hope and pray that he will,But today I am still just a bill.

For some reason I can't get the photos to upload, but I'm sure you can picture it in your head. Scared tourists, curious looks from the guards, and us sitting on the steps singing. Good times.

Monday, June 8, 2009

I’ve spent the weekend in DC with M. It’s hot. Not just hot, but HOT. I swear I’m melting. We took the metro down to the Mall this weekend and wandered around the Mall, monuments and museums.

I have to say, the Mall is a mess. A mess! You’d think it would be lush green grass manicured within an inch of its life, but no. It is a hot mess. Full of weeds, a jumble of different grasses, pits, gouges, puddles and badly in need of grooming. It was sad. This is our National Mall! It looks okay from a distance, but up close it’s a national embarrassment. Sheesh. Obama needs to put in a call to the folks at Disney. They know how to keep a lawn!

Look at this. A disgrace!

DC does have a great metro though. Check out this cool shot:

M and I went to the Castle of the Smithsonian and right in the center, they have the “pile of loot” (that’s totally what they label it BTW) from the NATM2 movie. It made me laugh.

The Museum of Natural History was wonderful! There was so much to see! Dinosaurs and elephants and whales (oh my!). They also had a butterfly house that I desperately wanted to go into. M was not keen on it because it was a whopping $6 per person to get in. When you consider the museum itself is free, that’s not too bad. I wish a few other museums (I’m looking at you, Chicago) were as reasonable. I batted my eyes, and said pretty please and he caved and shelled out the money. We stood at the entry, M looking bored and annoyed and me having visions of twirling in a fancy dress, singing a song and having butterflies land on my finger and make a crown on my head. Don’t ask me where the dress was supposed to come from or mind the fact that I can’t sing. In my head it was fantastic! I was like one of the Disney princesses that animals are naturally attracted to and want to do stuff for (you know, like cleaning and sewing and whatnot). They can only let a few people in at a time, so we waited and I fantasized. THEN! The frosted doors to the entry chamber opened and beyond, I could see through the clear glass doors flowers and butterflies everywhere! It was magnificent! Gorgeous! The lady gave a quick run down of does and don’ts (Do take photos and let the butterflies land on you. Don’t step on them or try to pick them up).I was ready to twirl and break out into song when the clear doors opened and whoosh….it was HOT! OMG, like knock the breath out of you hot. My visions of twirling and singing and butterfly crowns crumpled to the floor like a butterfly with a broken wing. WHAT WAS GOING ON? WHY was is so freaking hot? I could not breathe. I stayed as long as I could, and even had a few butterflies land on me (squeeeeee!), but after about 10 minutes of mind numbing heat and humidity, I was done. Done. I told M I couldn’t take the heat any more and was ready to go and he told me he wanted to stay and take take photos and would meet me outside in the museum! Can you believe it? Irony. He did take some lovely photos though.

After we had our fill of natural history, we decided to go take a peek at American history and walked over the the American History Museum. It has recently reopened after “extensive” renovations and honestly, we found it sorely disappointing! M and I had both been there in the past (at different times) and remembered a very different set up. The exhibits were hard to get to and half the stuff we saw in the past wasn’t on display. Where was Fonzie’s jacket? I couldn’t even get a photo of Indiana Jones’ real jacket for Indy. Boo! We did find the ruby slippers and Archie Bunker’s chair, but we wanted to see more! The First Lady’s exhibit (which I saw in the past and is FABULOUS) was impossible to get into unless you wanted to wait in line for an hour. In the past, you could just walk through and wander around (like a museum should be), but now they herd you through the exhibits like cattle. You can’t even stop to look at things because you have to keep the line moving? WHAT UP? I’m an American! That is MY museum! I should get to wander around all I want and look at my leisure. Seeing the recently restored Star Spangled Banner was kind of nice, but again, they herded us along so we couldn’t really appreciate the beauty of the flag that inspired our national anthem. Boo, American History Museum, I say. Boo!

After that, we walked about a billion miles (okay, not really, but it was really hot so it felt like a billion) to the Washington, Lincoln and war memorials. If you’ve recently seen the new Night at the Museum movie, you’ll note that it looks like they walked straight from the castle to the Lincoln memorial. Well, let me tell you, they did NOT. They’d have to be running full tilt for a good 20 minutes to make it there as quickly as they did. LIARS!

We also stopped by the WWII Memorial, which is beautiful! It was the 65th anniversary of D-Day and there were so many vets there. These are obviously not young men, but they traveled from all over the country to be at the memorial to mark the day that they changed the world and lost so many of their friends. They were all wearing bright yellow t-shirts that said they were vets, so they were easy to spot. M and I shook as many hands as we could and thanked them for their sacrifices. It was very moving.

We walked over to the White House, but Obama was not there. How rude. Honestly, if someone were to show up at my house just to see me and I wasn’t home, I’d be mortified. He should have invited us to dinner, but no, he was in France. I’m going to have to send him a strongly worded message. :)

This is the Boy Scout memorial. We want to know why there is a naked man at the the memorial. I’m sure there’s some classical, philosophical reason, but it looks….well odd.

After that, we were exhausted and made our way back to the Metro and to the hotel. The next day we went to Arlington, which was overwhelming. The sheer number of graves is breathtaking. The Tomb of the Unknown Soldiers and changing of the guard is something everyone should see. There were so many people there, but you could have heard a pin drop.

Now that I’ve told you about my trip, I’m going to hop up on my soap box. Did you know that there is not a WWI memorial in DC? There is a small, very sad, very neglected memorial to the soldiers from DC who fought in WWI, but not a national monument. I have to say, I’m outraged. Outraged. WWI was the first real war of the modern area and changed our world forever. 6 of every 10 soldiers in WWI were drafted. These were men who fought weapons they couldn’t even have conceived of at the time. They fought for honor and glory and died on the battlefields of Europe. These were young, idealistic men who fought for patriotism and honor, and we have not, in the nearly 100 years since, seen fit to properly memorialize them. We need a national monument. I’m going to start a campaign about this. I’ll post more on that at another time. Until then, I’m off to Orlando and all the fun I can stand with a set of mouse ears. I’ll see you all later.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Hola, my peeps! I am blogging from Houston Bush Int'l Airport! They have no WiFi (WHAT?????) but a really nice lady offered me the use of her wireless card thingy so I could hook up and say hey to all of you lovelies.I am on my way to Baltimore where M will pick me up and wisk me off to a 4 star hotel the Army is paying for while he is in some school. That we can't talk about. Someties his job is very frustrating for me because he can't tell me anything about it. Here's a typical conversation over dinner:Me: So, how was your day?M: Good.Me: Anything exciting happen?M: A little.Me: What?M: I can't tell you.Me: I swear I won't tell!M: Nope.Me: Pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaase.M: Nope. You'd end up blogging about it.Me: No! I would never.M: [giving me the look]Me: I swear.M: Nope.

Wouldn't that drive you batty? Anyway, he's in DC and since the gov't is paying for it, I'm going to spend the weekend checking out our national treasures (you know, and shopping).From there I will fly to Orlando and spend a few days in WDW with my mom, step-dad, Indy and my cousin's 8 year old daughter. Neither of them know where they are going. How cool is that?Well, I guess I'd better give the card back. Can you believe Houston doesn't have WiFi? Seriously? Okay, I've always wanted to say this, so here goes: Houston, we have a problem. Bwahahahahahahaha! I kill myself. Also, I'm still jet lagged.I'll see you all in DC!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

I'm so tired I can't even bother to go find the icon for this. Sorry UnMom.

*Is it really Tuesday? Cause I'm confuzzeled. *America is big.

*And Loud.

*There are waaaaaaay to many TV channels. I can't even scroll through them all with out getting a headache.

*Typing on an unfamiliar computer is hard. My mom's laptop is set up differently than mine and I keep making serious typing mistakes. It's annoying to have to fix them all.

*Oh how I've missed you Brian Williams! I disliked you when you took over from Tom Brokaw, but now I like you. And your oddly downsloped eyebrows that make you look like you're either sad or confused.

*TARGET! I went there today. For 3 hours. I think the employees thought I was planning a heist. I love you Target!!!!!!! LOVE. YOU. Forever. Amen.

*If you've never been to a SuperTarget, I feel sad for you.

*I hate to fly.

*Would it kill the airlines to take out a few seats so a person can have some leg room? I'm not even tall (why aren't I tall? I want to be tall!) and I had no leg room. Stupid cheap airlines packing people in like Sardines. Didn't you get some sort of bailout? Use it to make things more comfy.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Hello! We have sucessfully completed the longest leg of our journey (9 and a half hours from Frankfurt to Charlotte) and are now relaxing in the USO sipping on a Jamba Juice. God Bless America! Yes, we're loopy. Yes, we're tired. Yes, we still have another 3 hours before our next flight (which is 2 hours), but we've made it past the big one and came through it relatively unscathed. The hardest part was immigration when we got to the US. Good heavens! It took more than an hour (AN HOUR, I tell you) to get through immigration. Ridiculous. I'm a citizen! Where's my fast pass? Immigration could take a lesson from Disney and make a special Fast Pass lane. How awesome would that be? If you have a passport with a smart chip (which we do), you scan it and poof, you're done. No waiting in lines of cranky people who have foreign country and airplane funk all over them (if you've traveled internationally, you know what I'm talking about). Just swipe and go. Man, I need to patent that. Don't go stealing my ideas US gov't! I want my props on this idea. And by props I mean money. Lots of it.Well, not I have to go do something about my insane hair. One good thing about having to go through customs and then recheck your luggage is that you can get into it and pull out your flat iron. Cause my hair is scary. Scary.OMG, I think I just had a bolt of jet lag shoot through my body. I seriously swayed at the keyboard. This cannot be good.