Newsdroppings from Shoebox

Not so fast with that ruptured spleen! The health care situation is not quite cleared up yet. Just a few details. Should only be a few more years. Why not read an old magazine while you wait?

House Democrats are receiving threats in the wake of Sunday’s health care vote. With great foresight, they wrote the bill to provide excellent coverage for broken kneecaps.

A woman who allegedly offered sex to an undercover cop in exchange for World Series tickets is really bummed that she’s going to be in court for the next round of March Madness because she already… well, she’s really bummed.

A man has been sentenced to 15 years for trying to break into a jail. The sentence was suspended when Andy explained that Otis just needed a place to sleep it off.

Reading scores have shown little progress among U.S. Students. Which is probably irrelevant, since you didn’t understand a word of what you just tried to read, did you?

Legal medical marijuana users run the risk of losing their jobs over not only failed drug tests but poor performance due to lack of focus, forgetfulness, lack of focus, and hee hee… DUDE! When’s lunch?!

Sarah Palin will reportedly host a reality show for the Discovery channel called Sarah Palin’s Alaska. The show will focus on the state’s unique people and traditions and how the Obama agenda will ruin everything for everybody.

A bank robber in Connecticut called ahead to demand that a bag of cash be waiting for him when he arrived. The man was arrested by waiting police, and bank officials said they could only imagine the man used the telephone because he must have been unaware of the bank’s quality on-line services.

Saudi police arrested over 100 suspected terrorists yesterday. A law enforcement spokesman said that it was because mid-week is usually light like that, but arrests should pick up as the weekend approaches.

More honeybees than ever have gone missing. The latest theory is that they are all on an island where they keep going back and forth in time and might or might not be in purgatory and have lives that are insanely intertwined. But that’s just a theory.