Dying Matters - Bernard Crettazhttps://www.dyingmatters.org/category/blog/bernard-crettaz
enTea and mortality; the rise of Death Cafés https://www.dyingmatters.org/blog/tea-and-mortality-rise-death-caf%C3%A9s
<div class="field field-name-field-date field-type-date field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><span class="date-display-single">12 February 2013</span></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><p><strong>They may not be giving Costa Coffee a run for its money&nbsp;just yet, but Death Caf&eacute;s are a rapidly growing trend worldwide.<img alt="Sophie Marsden" height="200" src="/sites/default/files/user/sophie_small.jpg" style="float: left; margin: 5px 10px;" width="168" /></strong></p>
<p>Bournemouth University Journalism student Sophie Marsden, left, who is currently working on a multi-media project exploring society&#39;s changing attitude towards death, shares her experience of attending and filming a Death Caf&eacute; in London - the first time one has been filmed.&nbsp;</p>
<p><strong>&quot;If your loved ones were able to hear your tributes I feel they would be very moved.&quot;</strong></p>
<p><strong><em><strong>Death&nbsp;Caf&eacute; attendee</strong></em></strong></p>
<p>On Sunday 3&nbsp;February nine people, most of whom were strangers to each other, gathered over tea and cakes to engage in an open discussion about death and dying. A Death Caf&eacute; with a twist, this small event was captured on film and will be showcased as part of Dying to Talk, a multi-media project exploring society&#39;s changing attitudes towards death, dying and end of life planning.</p>
<p>The concept is to bring people together in a relaxed and safe setting where they can feel free to discuss death and dying openly. With the aim to increase an awareness of death in order to help people make the most of their lives, conversations often differ from discussions of funeral options or questions on how to approach someone who has been recently bereaved.</p>
<p><strong><img alt="The Death Cafe participants " height="177" src="/sites/default/files/user/IMG_0109%20%281%29.jpg" style="float: right; margin: 5px 10px; border: 1px solid black;" width="260" /></strong>I first attended a Death Caf&eacute; back in November 2012 at the Wild Food Caf&eacute; in London and was amazed that these events were taking place. I was moved by the fact that complete strangers were breaking the taboo of talking about death by meeting up in public places to participate in wonderfully open and honest discussions. I immediately felt the need to share this fascinating experience with others, and capture some of the beautiful and often life affirming moments on film.</p>
<p>This first ever filming of a Death Caf&eacute; took place over the course of an afternoon in a private house in Willesden Green. The owner of the house, Josefine Speyer, who also helped facilitate the event, is a psychotherapist and the co-founder of the Natural Death Centre.&nbsp;I was initially apprehensive at how many guests the event would attract as I felt that although people were becoming more open about talking about death, they may not be ready to be filmed. However, through the power of Twitter and an advertisement on the Death Caf&eacute; website we were able to accommodate a small group of people whom we thought would be perfect for an in-depth discussion.</p>
<p>Upon arrival, guests were seated at a beautiful table on which pots of tea and delicious nibbles were arrayed. The camera had been placed in an unobtrusive spot to capture the welcoming ambiance of the room and the conversations without making anyone uncomfortable.</p>
<p>Josefine started by introducing the concept of Death Caf&eacute; before encouraging everyone to introduce themselves and explain why they had come. It was a diverse mix of people of all ages, but all were willing to listen and engage with each other&rsquo;s thoughts and opinions. Some had a background in the funeral industry and wanted to find a way to connect with the bereaved family members they offered their services to; others were there to try to come to terms with their grief by sharing stories of their deceased loved ones.</p>
<p>One woman&rsquo;s story of the sudden loss of her young daughter in May this year was particularly moving. She spoke bravely and positively about how the personal funeral she had arranged for her child helped her cope with her grief. I very much enjoyed listening to the tales of the illicit scattering of her ashes from modified saltshakers in places that she had loved to visit, including Paris and Holland.</p>
<p>Most of all I was touched by how people reached out to one another, offering advice and solace as if they were good friends, when in reality most of us had only just met. We also discussed how old traditions have combined with new, including sites such as Facebook that now play a bigger part in facilitating a community, giving people the opportunity to commemorate loved ones through photos, audio, video and personalised messages. After a short break the vibe of the room had very much relaxed and people seemed more at ease with each other. Many touched upon the idea of death echoes, with some describing vivid moments when they had been sure that they had felt their loved ones beside them.</p>
<p>There were many moments of laughter as people spoke about the beauty of individuality and the numerous ways different cultures commemorate the dead. I realised that talking about death doesn&rsquo;t have to be morbid: not only can you learn a lot from others&#39; experiences but they make you appreciate your own life and be even more inspired to make the most of the time you have left.&nbsp;</p>
<p>As the caf&eacute; drew to a close what stood out in the footage was that everybody was smiling. &nbsp;Comments were made about the ease with which we had spoken about very big topics, such as the fear of death and the fear of losing a loved one. However overwhelming, there was a sense that everybody had been deeply touched and moved by the stories of others. Many felt encouraged to visit more Death&nbsp;Caf&eacute;s&nbsp;as they were curious to see whether the same depth of conversation could be achieved with a larger group of people or with a different facilitator.</p>
<p>As the group said their goodbyes, one lady shared a bucket list that she had found among her daughter&#39;s things after she had died. What this woman said stuck with me most: &quot;Don&#39;t hold onto your dreams because you&#39;ll just keep dreaming.&quot;</p>
<h3>
<strong>History of Death Caf&eacute;</strong></h3>
<p>Jon Underwood brought the concept of Death Caf&eacute; to the UK in 2010 after being inspired by an article about the work of Swiss sociologist Bernard Crettaz. Jon was particularly interested in the concept of Caf&eacute; Mortal, a place where people could gather in public to talk about death in Switzerland. He then began the process to facilitate his own Death Caf&eacute;&nbsp;in the UK, with the first one taking place in the basement of his home in September 2011.</p>
<p>Since then, the movement has grown from strength to strength, with Death Caf&eacute; recently hosting its fiftieth&nbsp;event at the Graveland exhibition in London. Caf&eacute;s have been held all over the UK, with locations from the Royal Festival Hall to quirky caf&eacute;s in Bristol and the privacy of people&#39;s homes. The phenomenon has also spread to America, Canada, Australia and more recently to Italy, proving there is a real demand for these conversations to take place.Death Caf&eacute;s are always offered:</p>
<ul>
<li>
On a non-profit basis, though to be sustainable they try to cover expenses through donations and fund-raising.</li>
<li>
In an accessible, respectful and confidential space, free of discrimination where people can express their views safely.</li>
<li>
With no intention of leading participants towards any particular conclusion, product or course of action.</li>
</ul>
<p><strong>Can I hold my own Death Caf&eacute;?</strong></p>
<ul>
<li>
Death&nbsp;Caf&eacute;s&nbsp;are all slightly different, as people love to put their own unique spin on them. Anyone can hold one; all you need is a facilitator, space, attendees and refreshments.&nbsp;<span style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 1.4em;">&nbsp;</span></li>
<li>
Jon Underwood has set up a guide on how to host your own Death Caf&eacute; on the&nbsp;<a href="http://www.deathcafe.com/p/we-think-that-people-talking-about.html" style="text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">Death Caf&eacute; website</a>.</li>
</ul>
<p>The Dying to Talk project and footage of the Death Caf&eacute; will be available soon at&nbsp;<a href="http://dyingtotalk.wordpress.com/" style="text-decoration: underline;">dyingtotalk.wordpress.com</a></p>
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</div></div></div><div class="field field-name-taxonomy-vocabulary-3 field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-above"><div class="field-label">Blog post tags:&nbsp;</div><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><a href="/category/blog/death-cafe">death cafe</a></div><div class="field-item odd"><a href="/category/blog/jon-underwood">jon underwood</a></div><div class="field-item even"><a href="/category/blog/caf%C3%A9-mortal">Café Mortal</a></div><div class="field-item odd"><a href="/category/blog/death-cafes">death cafes</a></div><div class="field-item even"><a href="/category/blog/bernard-crettaz">Bernard Crettaz</a></div><div class="field-item odd"><a href="/category/blog/sophie-marsden">Sophie Marsden</a></div><div class="field-item even"><a href="/category/blog/wild-food-caf%C3%A9">Wild Food Café</a></div></div></div>Tue, 12 Feb 2013 17:42:42 +0000sarah7000 at https://www.dyingmatters.orghttps://www.dyingmatters.org/blog/tea-and-mortality-rise-death-caf%C3%A9s#commentsReal Death Cafe to launch in Londonhttps://www.dyingmatters.org/blog/real-death-cafe-launch-london
<div class="field field-name-field-date field-type-date field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><span class="date-display-single">20 October 2015</span></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><p><strong>Jon Underwood is the founder of Death Cafe, a fast-growing movement which sees people gathering to eat, drink and discuss death. Influenced by the work of Swiss sociologist Bernard Crettaz, the goal of Death Cafe is to create a safe environment where people feel comfortable talking about the one common fate awaiting us all. &nbsp;What started in Jon&rsquo;s basement has swiftly grown into an international phenomenon, with numerous events worldwide. Now Jon is taking the groundbreaking step of launching the world&#39;s first permanent Death Cafe - and, he tells us in an exclusive blog, you could be a part of it.</strong></p>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<p><img alt="Death Cafe logo" src="/sites/default/files/images/deathcafe(1).jpg" style="width: 550px; height: 118px;" /></p>
<p class="rteleft">Death Cafe has been remarkably successful in getting people to talk about death. If you&rsquo;re not familiar with what we do, at Death Cafes people, often strangers, meet to talk about death over tea and cake. We have a group-directed format and there are never objectives to be fulfilled or specific conclusions to be reached. The essence of Death Cafe is just to let people talk.</p>
<h4 class="rteleft">
There aren&rsquo;t many settings in which words about death can be spoken</h4>
<p class="rteleft">Death Cafe&rsquo;s permissive format has worked extremely well. When people talk about death, they regularly seem to embody their true selves. The words people say often seem to have been long considered, probably because there aren&rsquo;t many settings in which words about death can be spoken. Talking about death tends to soften and open people by recognising our shared humanity. A Death Cafe tends to be a very special experience.</p>
<p class="rteleft">This perhaps partly explains their popularity. The first Death Cafe took place in the basement of my house and was facilitated by my mum, Sue Barsky Reid. Since then, Death Cafe has spread far and wide. As of now there have been more than 2,400 Death Cafes in 32 countries.</p>
<p class="rteleft">Death Cafe and other initiatives like Dying Matters have helped to demonstrate that talking about death is not only sensible but can actually be enjoyable and life-enhancing. In view of this, we have been emboldened to embark on an extremely ambitious project &ndash; that of opening a real Death Cafe in London.</p>
<p class="rteleft">Death Cafe London will be a coffee shop and events venue in Central London, established specifically to encourage people to talk about death. It will be open to the public and host a range of events around death. These will include Death Cafes but also training sessions, lectures, art, poetry, music, films, support groups and meetings.</p>
<h4 class="rteleft">
We&#39;re clear that talking about death is useful to society</h4>
<p class="rteleft"><img alt="" src="/sites/default/files/images/skullTeacup.jpg" style="width: 180px; float: right; margin: 8px; height: 135px;" />Death Cafe London will be a not-for-profit community of benefit to society. It will be funded by the sale of community shares and will be owned and run by shareholders. Both individuals and organisations can buy shares, which are priced at &pound;50 each. Our minimum funding target is &pound;250,000, the cost of 5,000 shares.</p>
<div>
<p class="rteleft">We&rsquo;re clear that talking about death is useful to society. We&rsquo;re looking to&nbsp;capitalise&nbsp;on the public&rsquo;s current openness to this subject by establishing this venture, which we believe to be both viable and desirable. If you believe that we can benefit from being more open about death and dying, please support this project by buying shares and letting others know about this groundbreaking project.</p>
</div>
<p class="rteleft">Shares are available from Monday 19 October to Saturday 19 December 2015. These can be purchased online, along with full details of the project, at: <a href="http://www.crowdfunder.co.uk/deathcafelondon">www.crowdfunder.co.uk/deathcafelondon</a>.</p>
</div>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
</div></div></div><div class="field field-name-taxonomy-vocabulary-3 field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-above"><div class="field-label">Blog post tags:&nbsp;</div><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><a href="/category/blog/death-cafe">death cafe</a></div><div class="field-item odd"><a href="/category/blog/jon-underwood">jon underwood</a></div><div class="field-item even"><a href="/category/blog/death">death</a></div><div class="field-item odd"><a href="/category/blog/dying">dying</a></div><div class="field-item even"><a href="/category/blog/bernard-crettaz">Bernard Crettaz</a></div><div class="field-item odd"><a href="/category/blog/bereavement">bereavement</a></div><div class="field-item even"><a href="/category/blog-369">Death Cafe London</a></div><div class="field-item odd"><a href="/category/blog-370">Crowdfunder</a></div></div></div>Tue, 20 Oct 2015 08:26:47 +0000Anonymous39949 at https://www.dyingmatters.orghttps://www.dyingmatters.org/blog/real-death-cafe-launch-london#comments