Share May 31, 2020's comic on:

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dilbert thinking: i've had no human contact for months. i wasn't expecting to enjoy it so much. my love life was already a barren wasteland. and avoiding my co-workers is always good. i haven't been stressed, tired, or bored in weeks. i only have one remaining source of stress in my life.
dilbert sitting on couch with dogbert
dogbert: i'm printing money in the basement.
dilbert: there it is.

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dilbert wearing face mask and carrying computer bag: i'm going into the office to upgrade a server. according to my boss, reducing network latency is more important than my life. can i depend on you to not change the locks while i'm gone?
dogbert: only if you sleep in the garage.

Share May 15, 2020's comic on:

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dilbert sitting on couch with dogbert: i like working from home. i can do eight hours of work in one hour because no one is interrupting me.
dogbert yelling: i'm trying to work here!
dilbert: did i tell you about my bowel problems?
dogbert: go away!

Share May 10, 2020's comic on:

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boss: dogbert, i need you to train asok to fill in for you on tech support.
dogbert to asok: the goal of tech support is to convince the caller the problem is on their end. i do this by recommending increasingly difficult things for them to try. eventually they give up, watch and learn.
dogbert on call: uh-huh... uh-huh... try rebooting your computer. now try it again while holding control -escape-space bar- delete for exactly 27.3 seconds. no luck? try looking at your computer's binary code to find any zeros and ones that are out of order.
click
dogbert: and he's gone.
asok: genius!

Share May 09, 2020's comic on:

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dilbert at home: i haven't had any human contact for months.
dilbert wearing face mask sitting on couch with dogbert: people need physical contact to keep their oxytocin at healthy levels.
dogbert: get away from me.
dilbert: maybe if we both close our eyes.

Share April 29, 2020's comic on:

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dilbert: in hard times, you really find out who your friends are.
dogbert: i assume you have hundreds of friends by now because of all the times you have been friend-zoned.
dilbert: i'm starting to think they were insincere.

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dogbert: i've designed these over-ear headphones for maximum customer annoyance. the charging port is only on one side, so the user has a fifty percent chance of guessing wrong. and the charger only fits if you put it right-side up. to increase the frustration, i made the plug look the same on both sides. best of all, the plug is so poorly designed that half the time it doesn't seem to fit, even when you put it in correctly. i made the headphones black, so you can't easily find the charger hole in low light. ninety percent of users will be cursing us every time they try to recharge. customers won't know any of this until after they purchase.
boss: ship it.

Share April 24, 2020's comic on:

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dilbert: i can't get any work done at home because i keep hearing your footsteps all day!
dogbert: excuse me for living. i'll try hovering from now on.
dilbert: can you do that?
dogbert hovering: there's a lot you don't know about me.

Share April 23, 2020's comic on:

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day one of working from home
dilbert thinking: i'm getting a lot done.
day two of working from home
dilbert thinking laying on the couch: if i goofed off a little, would anyone know?
day three of working from home
dogbert: lame fort.
dilbert under fort made from couch cushions and blanket: it's version 1.0.

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dogbert: you have nothing to fear from the coronavirus but fear itself. obviously, the fear will increase your cortisol levels and depress your immune system so the virus can finish you off.
dilbert visually shaken: now i'm scared.
dogbert pointing: dead man walking!