Opinion

Have you gotten your after-Christmas “thumping” yet?
Don’t know what a Christmas thumping is? A thumping is what you get when you foolishly buy something for your spouse that they don’t truly want. The thumping itself can take many forms of retribution.
I’ve never had to give Cindy a thumping. Cindy is the queen of gift giving in our house, except maybe when it comes to clothes for tween and teen girls. Take me, for instance.

The pick-up truck was barreling straight towards me, oblivious to the fact that I was prayer-walking, blind to my existence, ignorant of my conversation with God. Glancing at his menacing headlights, I scooted across the road, tucking my tail like one of my Schnauzers when scared, and gasping for breath as I reached the entrance of Gethsemane Abby. I was grateful that I was secure on the other side of the road, a side where I longed for and found, time and time again: calm, peace, tranquility.

Of course Cindy’s better at English and would probably use more descriptive words. She’d say something like “the years just flow by like a fast-moving stream with such a wonderful, kind, generous-to-a-fault, humanitarian and credit to the human race as that eloquent, yet humble writer of our times as my Kenny.”

I hope this article will fascinate you, even if you don’t have a military background. It’s about a new piece of technology I saw demonstrated at the National Guard’s Wendell Ford Regional Training Center. It takes a page from the Harry Potter novel and movie series and turns it into reality. Specifically, I’m talking about author J.K. Rowling’s imaginative creation called the “Marauder’s Map.”

The program stands upright, encased in plastic, holding a prominent place on a bookshelf in my office. “Kansas City Chiefs vs. Boston Patriots, Municipal Stadium, November 20, 1966, 50 cents (including tax),” is written in bold letters, displayed on the front of the program. Beneath that announcement, a black and white picture shows Chiefs’ quarterback Len Dawson rolling out, behind the block of fullback Curtis McClinton.

I’ve thought about preaching my own funeral. Really. I’m serious. Oh, I would pawn the obituary on a previously selected person, preferably someone who knew me, as opposed to startling some hapless soul who happens to arrive early at the funeral, “Hey, would you mind reading this?” But the sermon, prerecorded of course, I prefer to reserve for myself, rather than depending on some distracted preacher in a hurry to get the thing done and not miss tee time, or fishing, a ball game, or a soap opera.

Perhaps the most quoted line from the blockbuster movie, “Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps,” (It was the top money maker last weekend, grossing over $19 million, underscoring the truth in its title, “Money Never Sleeps.”) will be the line where Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) — having served eight years in prison for insider trading — speaks before a standing-room- only crowd of mesmerized listeners. Gekko says, “Someone reminded me I once said, ‘Greed is good.’ Now it seems it’s legal.”

I never stopped an argument by hurting another person as much as they have hurt me.

It’s been really big news about the Florida preacher who was going to have the “burn a Koran” day at his church. The Koran is the basis of the Muslim faith, and as it would if there was a “burn a Bible” day, produced a huge outcry from Muslims. So much so that there have been deaths and shootings overseas from this incident.

I have a sister, Mary, who married a man named Bernard. Bernard was born and raised in Marion County. Yet, despite that, we have taught him to eat with a knife and fork, use indoor plumbing, and take more than one bath a week. We’re still working on the spoon.

Normally, kids, after a certain age, are embarrassed to be seen with their parents. It’s just a total lack of maturity on their part.

Take me, for instance.

What kid in their right mind wouldn’t want to be seen with me at their side out in public? Several adults, who will remain nameless, might not, but what kid? After all, they’re not as intelligent as you are due to their lack of years on this Earth.

Institutional Investor - Past year financial investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

S. Willey, Financial Advisor

Hey everybody!

Man, what an economy.

We’ve got bankruptcies and home foreclosures galore. The stock market is acting like that crazy aunt you keep locked up in the basement. Shoot, interest rates are so low that even if you do have some money, you just about have to pay the bank to hold it for you.