General Dating Questions/Girl from class?

QuestionI’m a graduate student and my question is about some girl from a class I have. I don’t want to bother you with too much detail but even before I started talking to her it always felt to me that she was interested in me by her body language and eye contact. I started talking to her about classes and I got her number under the guise of helping her with an assignment. However, we do talk when we’re going home from classes and she acts quite receptive, smiles a lot and keeps the conversation going. Basically, I can say she likes my presence.

I already helped her on the assignment we had. We spent a few hours together. She smiled shyly a lot but the environment didn’t seem very conducive to get personal and flirty. The other day we were again walking out of the building and it was raining REALLY hard. It was not the ideal time to ask her to do something but I asked her if she had to go home RIGHT AWAY (so I could ask her to get something to eat). She said yes so I didn't push it. However, before she left, we did talk on a personal level about our lives and I asked her if she’d like to get lunch next week. She said yes and “if not, I’ll see you on wednesday” (when we have our class). Just today (sunday) I send her a text asking what she was doing. She was not being very responsive…. as she was working on a project . However, after inquiring a bit I was able to change the topic to something fun and we texted for around an hour. After a while, her demeanor changed completely (a lot of smileys and long quick responses etc) until around 1 am when she said she had to go to the gym early in the morning and wished me a goodnight and said we’ll talk later.

That happened about an hour ago.

I have no clue what her interest level is. I did ask her if she wanted to have lunch sometime this coming week…and she said yes but I didn’t suggest a date or time and lunch doesn’t really mean anything romantic (and I didn’t follow up on that today).
Another problem is that she seems very guarded. In class, she doesn’t talk to anyone. Just stares at her phone (which is why it peaked my curiosity when she made so much eye contact with me). I actually feel a bit uncomfortable getting flirtatious with her. The good thing is that with todays text chat..I did make things more personal and fun and I will try to ask her to spend some one-on-one time in the next couple of days.

My question to you is:

Is a girl’s initial interest level always important or can one do something to raise her interest? Considering how guarded she seems, do you think its ok to just go ahead and ask her out? Do you have any ideas to get her to open up. She’s quite attractive but from what I know so far her social life isn’t THAT rich and she mostly hangs out with the same friends every weekend. She doesn’t talk to people unless spoken to. Do you think I should just start being flirtatious and spontaneous or would that not be a good tactic with this girl? I don’t really care how interested she is anymore. There’s no point in guessing. But I would like to give it the best shot and I would really appreciate any advice on how to get her to open up to a point where she’s not shy with me and where I can feel confident enough to get a second date (knowing that she’ll join in the fun).

Thank you.

AnswerMike,

Thank-you for your question. Let me first start with something I’ve said before on this forum, and I will say it again here. Stop texting! Texting girls you have romantic interest in is a bad idea. There is no real interplay. You cannot read between the lines of what she says over text. The phone is to be used for setting up dates and nothing more. Those lengthy conversations you are having over text could (and should) be done in person on a proper date. If you reveal everything now to this girl over text, she will have no reason to wonder more about you, and therefore go on a date with you.

So, do yourself a massive favor and use the phone to contact this or any other potential date in this manner: Have a date, time and place already picked out before you call. This will be Monday-Thursday or Sunday in a pinch. You are busy on Fridays and Saturdays. Pick a low key first date, such as coffee or ice cream. This takes a lot of the pressure off both of you, especially on a first date which is always a bit nerve wracking for both parties involved. Pick up the phone, dial her number, exchange pleasantries, ask for the date (hopefully she accepts) and get off the phone! 5-10 minutes max for this call. Remember, you are saving those good conversations for the date itself. Now, on to your question.

Yes, a girl’s initial interest level is always important. It must be at least 51% or preferably much higher in you from the get go. The higher her initial interest level in you the more fun the two of you will have, and the more she will help you move things along. Remember, when they like you, they help you. You can of course do several things to raise her interest level which are important to do no matter what her initial interest level is. The first is as I described above with stopping the text conversations and force her hand by picking up the phone and calling her to ask for the date. This is the only way to know for sure if she is truly interested in you romantically. If she says she is busy, has to check her schedule, gives you a maybe…but offers no alternative date and time, you will need to wait a week to call her again to ask for another date. If the same thing happens, she’s out! The second thing you can do is be a challenge meaning do not be overly available to her, especially via phone. You will exercise patience by waiting 3-7 days between dates to call her for the next one. These are all things you can do to raise her interest level, IF she has genuine interest level in you from the start. Realize that some girls like talking with guys via text or phone, but do not actually want to date them.

She will open up to you IF she has high interest level in you. Be assertive with your intention to take her on a casual date. You’ve just got to ask my friend and follow the aforementioned advice. Good luck!

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