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Discover how newlyweds build a sexy foundation for wedded bliss in highlights of my radio conversation for A Lasting Love with Dr. Janelle Alex and her husband of 10 years, Rob Alex. They created the book and website at http://SexyChallenges.com to help couples experience playful, passionate, sexy sex for a lifetime.

Hadley: Let’s help newlyweds form a love habit of having sexy sex. What Sexy Challenges do you recommend?

Rob: First, I suggest you become the warrior. It’s a fun one. It’s an ancient tradition. Native Americans encouraged their braves to have intimacy before they went out to battle as a way to protect themselves.

Today, you may not go into battle and risk your life, but you may have a big presentation. Or you’re going to look at that first home you’re going to purchase.

Hadley: Playing in a pro baseball game, football or hockey game, they usually say, “Don’t have sex before the game.”
That was a big issue in the film, “Bull Durham.” But you’re saying it’s a good idea to have sex to be protected.

Rob: There’s an energy around your lovemaking that you can carry with you. And you can carry your partners energy with you. It’s a combined energy, not just your own energy, that you carry with you after lovemaking.

Janelle: And for 24 to 48 hours you are more confident, which makes you stronger. Your energy is lifted up. You’re more creative. You may figure things out, problem solve. So in a game situation you’ll notice things quicker.
We’re big advocates that you should do it before.

Rob: As far as the warrior goes, you can use war paint. Paint your faces. Set that tribal mood. We felt we were Native Americans at one time. It’s a powerful experience. Then you carry that with you into another area or event.

Janelle: It goes with you, even if you’re not conscious of it.

Hadley: Let’s talk about how a simple function like breathing, which supplies the body with oxygen, can be used to heighten the sexual experience, prolong orgasm and pierce the veil between physical and spiritual realms. Talk us through the type of breathing that does that.

Janelle: The Yab Yum exercise does that.

Hadley: That’s breathing while you gaze into each others eyes, and breathe in each others breath.

Rob: You circulate the breath through both of your bodies. As one partner breathes out the other breathes in.
As you keep doing that, you also can focus the breath coming out your sacral chakra, or genitals. You get that circulation going so breath is shared between you.

Janelle: That breathing can set the rhythm for your lovemaking. You can slow down your breathing to prolong lovemaking.

Fast, rapid breathing will bring you to climax sooner than later. We teach that climax and orgasm are not the same thing.

Hadley: Let’s define them, since many people may see them as the same thing.

Janelle: Orgasm is a contraction of muscles, that unbelievable sensation. Everyone’s can be different so you can’t put an exact definition on it.

Climax is the moment when a man ejaculates. We say that women can have multiple orgasms within one session. When a man ejaculates, that’s a climax. Tell us how that feels for a man, Rob.

Rob: It’s a blissful state. Everything melts away. He’s filled with energy and joy. He knows he belongs with his partner, in the safe space for the two of you.

The ejaculation is great and fun and wonderful. But there’s a peace that comes over you that orgasm brings.

Janelle: It’s that heightened state. You’re still on the edge, on that cusp, still you can’t control it.

Rob: You get the shivers. You tremble in your legs, your arms.

Hadley: Some couples would like to rekindle that and feel that again in long-term relationships.
Do you have a sexy challenge to rekindle the spark of passion?

Rob: We suggest 81 of them in our book.

Hadley: Tell us one to use tonight.

Rob: Some are physical in nature. Some are spiritual. One suggestion is to bring a “ball of sex” to your partner. Bring an exercise ball into the equation. A big ball gives you a lot of angles to lean on. Usually you end up falling on floor, laughing.

Being able to bring laughter into your lovemaking helps you really enjoy the time you spend making love. As you fall over on top of each other, you can hear the giggles. If you can’t use the ball of sex, you take that playful feeling to bed.

Hadley: So playful passion is what you want to create and sustain. The sense of play keeps you young forever.

Rob: It would be good (for newlyweds) to read through the book, Sexy Challenges, and get a sense of what to expect out of a loving, healthy sexual relationship.

Hadley: Good advice, especially when you’re just starting out, and you don’t know what a healthy sex life looks like. So this opens your eyes to all the wonderful possibilities that you describe in your book. Do you have a final tip?

Rob: My tip is to incorporate so much into your lovemaking, into your relationship. Don’t be satisfied with, “This works, and this is all we’ll do for the rest of our lives.”

Go out and find some new things to bring into your love life. Be it another tradition, or part of a religion,
or even something you saw in a movie that’s kind of silly. Bring it in there.

Keep changing your relationship. Keep it growing. Don’t let things get stagnant. Always be looking for something new, something to excite your partner, something fun for the two of you to do.

Once you get into that blah stage, ho hum, that’s when everything starts dying.

Janelle: So keep it new, fresh. Keep it changing. Once you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, you think you know each other well.

So change it up. Do something different. Whether it’s taking a cooking class together, or taking a hike, or branching out into new traditions, as Rob said.

Hadley: Or asking new questions about your partner, that you’ve never thought of asking before. There are so many ways to keep things fresh and exciting.

Rob: Remember that over time we all change. So the questions you ask now will have different answers in 10 years. So keep asking those questions.

Janelle: And if you were in a relationship before, don’t be afraid to ask those questions that were a touchy subject in a different relationship.