Matters of the Heart

Things are seldom as they seem. My friends know the pain I am feeling ending a two year relationship with my best friend and love. I couldn’t be the person she needed. She couldn’t be the person I needed.

I am not one to air dirty laundry over the internet. We were both right, we were both wrong. Mostly wrong for each other. I’ll not call her names, like raving lunatic. I count the toll of what I sacrificed to make this relationship work. Sadly, I think if our roles were reversed she would be equally distraught.

I am hurt. I am sad. I feel foolish for the poor choices I’ve made. I’ve hurt my family and myself. I’ve lost happiness and joy with the person that I am. I hope I can find me again.

In the meantime, I begin 2012 dedicated to that endeavor. I will get my career back on track. Yes, it involves travel. I happen to like to travel. I can’t support myself and family on menial labor wages. I hope the fates give me a second chance. I promise to appreciate it more this go round.

I was privileged to sign with Rebel Ink Press this year for two short novelettes in their Halloween and Valentines anthologies, respectively. “The Galloping Ghoul of Hockomock Swamp” in “Once Upon A Twisted Tale” anthology. “Raynia’s Magic” coming out Valentines, 2012 in “Tempting Cupid”.

I was also honored to be part of their “Paw Prints” Rebel writers for a cause. Twenty-five of us collaborated in a round robin manner to create a contemporary romance. The proceeds will go to support animal rescue. All three are available through Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Book Strand, and All Romance.

I am setting writing goals and making my writing career move forward. Yes, these are difficult times in publishing. The doors are wide open and as an author it is very difficult to get readers to see you and take notice. All I can do is dedicate myself to writing the best story I can, promote it the best that I can and leaving the rest in the hands of the powers that be.

My hopes to heal, find myself, and move forward are worthy of my dedicated focus for now. Will I try love again after failing miserably so many times?

The joy of love is equal only to the sorrow of love. Do not mourn for what was not; cherish what was (as brief as it may have been). Do not wallow in regret; rather be proud of the risks you dared to take and the lessons you opened your heart to learn. There is no shame in loving … only in allowing yourself to endure a love that is less than you need and deserve. It takes great courage to embrace love, but even greater courage to let go. Know you are loved by many, my friend.