THREE PINES, NV—During his closing prayer at Grace Methodist Church Sunday, local minister Shane Valentino managed to preach an entire bonus sermon, including an introduction, three sermon points, and a concluding call to faith and repentance, witnesses confirmed.

As the congregation closed their eyes and bowed their heads, they expected to beseech the Lord together, but quickly realized Valentino was actually preaching rather than leading a corporate prayer.

“When he began quoting several Bible commentators and mentioned he’d be moving on to his second ‘point,’ we realized we’d been hoodwinked,” longtime church member Bethel Pearson told reporters. “But it was too late. We were committed at that point, and it’d be weird to open our eyes and slip out to Denny’s for lunch I guess.”

“It really is an art form,” Valentino said later. “If you play your cards right, you get to preach two entire sermons each Sunday: one during the regularly scheduling teaching time, and then when no one’s expecting it—WHAMO! A second sermon during the concluding prayer.”

As Valentino wrapped up his closing prayer, he invited the worship team to come up on stage, at which point the church’s worship leader managed to squeeze in a sermon of his own while introducing the band’s second set, sources confirmed.

Readers of the Bee,

If just a small fraction of our visitors became subscribers, we'd have enough funding to stop running ads and reduce our dependence on big tech companies like Facebook and Google. Will you partner with us to make this possible?