Lady Gaga got fat recently (she’s apparently gained 25 pounds this year), and it’s gotten so bad that her record label has told her to stop wearing tight clothes on stage. And practically every blog on Earth has posted pics of her looking like she just left a hot dog eating contest. So of course this is the perfect time for Lady Gaga to paint herself as a victim to garner sympathy. OMG YOU GUYS I’VE NEVER MENTIONED THIS BEFORE BUT PEOPLE ARE CALLING ME FAT SO I HAVE BULIMIA AND ANOREXIA Little Monsters

“My weight/loss/gain since i was child has tormented me…No amount of help has ever healed my pain about it. But YOU have…My boyfriend prefers me curvier, when I eat and am healthy and not so worried about my looks, I’m happy. Happier than I’ve ever been.”

No matter how strong the woman supposedly is, these statements almost always include how much their boyfriend/husbands “love their new curves!”. Umm, okay. Let’s ask him. Look, ladies, I get it. If every billboard I passed or every magazine I opened had a 6’3″ dude with 2% body fat and a 10″ dick standing beside a Ferrari with a VS model in the passenger seat fingering herself and I was told that this was the standard for male beauty and if I didn’t have all that I’d never be happy, a lot of men would probably have body issues, too. But since I have a penis, I don’t overreact and become emotional and drink a bottle of wine when I see King Leonidas. Look, if you wanna eat pasta and drink all day, do it. But please understand that if part of the reason that you’re famous is because of your hyper-sexualized videos with you wearing the tightest and most revealing shit possible, people are gonna notice when gain 25 pounds. And they’ll make fun of you. On the brightside, you’ll have more close friends who are girls because you’ll no longer be threatening. I hope this helps.