But life doesn’t play out like that. Some of us become editors at a pop culture website.

To help live out our dream of using cards as weapons, we enlisted Theory11’s Andrei Jikh—a renowned authority on cardistry—to teach our own Leo Garcia on the ways of throwing playing cards at potentially injurious velocity.

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Stay tuned later this week at The A.V. Club for a more in-depth tutorial from Jikh.