Hey TRD, I really love your blog. All the people here on tumblr (including you) are giving the advice to „just talk about it“ when it comes to partnership-problems, especially the sex-stuff. I get that, sure. But my question is: How the fuck do you approach a conversation so delicate? I don‘t want to hurt my bf by making him feel not good enough or unwanted. When is the right time, the right place, what are the „right words“? How do I start the talk at all? I‘m too afraid I will ruin anything.

Most of the questions I get like this are from women and they tend to be of a similar nature, which basically goes like this: “how do I tell my boyfriend that he is bad in bed? or to be more dominant? or never makes me cum? or never goes down on me? or cannot do oral right? and on and on and on…”

It is not an easy conversation at all, so I always try to put it in terms that a guy would best be okay to hear it, which is this: the guy needs to understand that he stands to gain so much power if he satisfies his woman properly. More so than he even realizes. If he’d make the physical intimacy a mind-blowing experience for the woman, he would seriously feel like a man amongst boys knowing all these other fucking clowns suck so bad in bed.

Now, if he made her the center of his mental and emotional world, which is a whole different level, then he’d really have everything he really ever wanted. Each day would be bliss for him on a much deeper level because each day would be bliss for her. In other words, they’d be in love.

I say this part – the nonphysical part that is – because it seriously can be a bigger and more fulfilling part of the bond. For me, it is anyways. Being best friends with somebody that you want to rip their clothes off is pretty fucking amazing.

Anyways, “how do you have that conversation, right?”

First, maybe watch some porn you pre-vetted and you indicate that you want it “like that”. I’d actually share this blog with him too. I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but there really are a lot of parts that are somewhat “instructional”, explaining a woman’s G Spot, O Spot, A Spot, Clit, how to eat pussy, do anal, finger a woman, etc etc. And it should be non-threatening since it is written from a guy’s point of view and totally tongue-in-cheek and super arrogant, so hopefully another guy would get a kick out of it.

But at some point, if he does not grow from the hints, you need to talk to him (not during a fight), and let him know you’d like him to do “X”. Say stuff like “lick my clit” or something. See if gets addicted to making you cum.

I know for me, this was a turning point that eventually made me like how I am today. Making a woman cum is addicting; once he does make you cum, make sure you tell him several times that day he did, and he should keep it up. Say shit like “so many girls, their boyfriends never make them cum. Fuck baby. Thank you. Goddamn!”

You gotta remember – guys are morons when you stroke their ego. Stroke his ego and then laugh your ass all the way to the Bank of Orgasms when is rocking your world 6 months from now.