An exploration of male bisexuality

I’m male, 29, and I’m bisexual. Now that’s not how I’d normally introduce myself, because my sexuality is not the cornerstone of my self-identity. However, for the purposes of this blog its a fitting place to start, because this web site is about exploring male sexuality, in particular male bisexuality.

Bisexuality is a topic that remains largely taboo for a lot of men, despite the fact that there are millions of men out there who find themselves attracted to both men and women. There is a lot of pressure, particularly on young men to either identify themselves as straight or gay, and whilst peer pressure makes it hard to come out as gay, its even more difficult to come out as bisexual as there is no clear peer group where you can turn to support.

So I decided to write this blog for several reasons: The first is to explore my own sexuality. The second is to let others who are struggling with their sexual identity know that they are not alone and there are others out there like them. And finally to educate others and dispel a few myths about bisexuals and bisexuality.

There is a 4th supplemental reason and that is that I was curious to see how easy it was to set-up WordPress on a Windows platform, thanks to it was an absolute breeze.

Its also worth pointing out that this is a blog about sexuality not sex, so you won’t find the sordid details of my love life plastered across the world wide web or any sexually explicit images here. So please don’t ask. (Well OK – ask, I’ll be flattered, but you won’t get anything.) That said if you do have any suggestions for the site or questions you’d like to ask please post a comment, this is an interactive web site and your contributions are as important as my own. You can also write to me by email: editor[at]bitheway[dot]co[dot]uk.

Great site. I came upon it via a google search for David Beckham bisexual. (which I never found any clarification on BTW).

Anyway there is a lot of good info here. I also am 29 and a bisexual male. A side of me I’ve only explored a few times but have taken more interest in lately.

I’m sort of hoping we’re coming into an age where male bisexuality and male sexuality in general become more mainstream. Female bisexuality is pretty well accepted in western society. But male bisexuality is still misunderstood and looked down on by both straight and gay guys and surprisingly many women. Even my own girlfriend who is a bisexual doesn’t understand or fully accept my bisexuality. To her, females being bisexual just seems more natural then men being bisexual. I disagree with her.

Today we walk into malls and see Victoria Secret stores catering to female sexuality. I’d love to see stores like this for males being more mainstream. Women talk about vibrators and they all have them, most guys seem awkward about male sex toys or anal play. I’d love to see male sexuality really open up. I mean why should the girls have all the fun?

“David Beckham Bisexual” Interesting search query – were you just hoping or do you have some insider information to share? LOL – no as far as I can tell Becks is 100% straight. I’m a little surprised the site came up under that Google search but its probably because of this page:

PS: I totally agree with your thoughts about male bisexuality, I think we are entering an age when its becoming much more acceptable. But it still turns heads.

Hello! Woooow, I´m still shocked. I think this site is amazing, it´s good to know I´m not alone lol. I´m a 19-years-old, mexican guy. Maybe you don´t know but in Mexico it´s hard to find web sites about bisexuality. sometimes I´ve thought that bisexuality doesn´t exist. But right now, with your web site and with my feelings I believe bisexuality is there. You know, I consider myself as bisexual. Obviously my attraction to each gender isn´t 50 & 50. It´s kind of difficult to determine the grade of attraction but, I think you must already know about it.
Well, I want to congratulate you because of this page. Now you know you have a mexican reader. I´ll be waiting for the next post. Maybe someday we can chat, don´t you think? Might be interesting to talk with a bisexual man lol
Greetings from Mexico!

I certainly haven’t been “hiding”, in fact I think I’ve even included my real name on more than one post.

And my email address can be found on the Contributors page, and I’ve added it to the bottom of main content of this page too.

For the record, my email address for correspondence is editor[at]bitheway[dot]co[dot]uk.

I’m guessing everyone can follow how to decipher that. Apologies for not making it a clear direct link, but I’m trying to avoid having my email picked up by scrapers which scour web sites for email addresses to build spam lists.

Hi…and thanks for your blog. It feels good to read about other men with the same feelings and difficulties and triumphs, so-to-speak. It is a lot to keep bottled up inside when there is no outlet to share…here is one.

Thanks so much for this blog…I’ve been looking for something like this since I came out bi about a month ago (no easy feat, being 19 and in college). Everyone I know has been really supportive of it, and my life hasn’t changed at all, but I now find myself much more interested in bisexuality, especially male bisexuality, and it’s great to see discussion of it anywhere. Thanks!

I was thinking it’s time to take an active approach to my sexuality instead of waiting to be categorized by others. I’m 22 and have known I’m bisexual for a while.. now it’s just a matter of deciding how public to be about it! It’s easy to feel isolated when so few people talk openly about it. So it’s a great thing you’re doing! Thanks

Thank you so much for setting up this site, Bi the Way! I’m a 48-year old South African bi guy who are going through a painful divorce because I’m bi. I’ve felt alone, I’ve felt like a freak and I’ve felt completely worthless. And then I googled “Explain Bisexuality” and came across this site. It helps a lot to know I’m not alone…

I had a Helen Keller water moment when I realized bisexuality was a valid state of being. I then quickly realized bisexual and gay are simply not the same thing when I found myself sitting on a rooftop deck in Chicago surrounded by gay men and cocktails, thoroughly not enjoying myself . I thought there must be something wrong with me, I just don’t fit in anywhere. It’s a major issue for many of us because bisexuality actually is more about individuality and being comfortable with yourself and there really is no real community. Maybe sites like this can change that. Either way it’s nice to know that I’m not the only 29 year old male bisexual oddball in this world.

hey um im bisexual but im a female but anyway i was hoping u could lend advice or something…. i learned i was bisexual when i was 16 although i think i knew it subconsciously since i discovered sex and started noticing changes years before…. all my friends know…. all my close ones anyway… but i have a catholic family and im still afraid to tell them even though i am now 21…. i once had a fight with my mom and blurted out “IM BISEXUAL!” her response was that she doesnt believe in bisexuality…. im not sure whether she believed me or not >.< my dad takes everything out of proportion, my 2 sisters hate anything different i mean they hate that i like to wear black and they hate that im goth and have goth friends, my mom once told me before my outburst that in addition to not believing in bisexuality that she believes it is an excuse to be greedy (heard that one quite a few times since then *sigh*) and the rest of my family are big church-goers particularly my traditional grandma….
do u have any advice as to how i can come out to my family? and i mean all of them… i want to be able to cry on my mom’s shoulder when a breakup with a girlfriend goes bad and not just for the guy breakups =/

I am 59 years of age and ‘ came -out’ to my lovely wife that I am Bisexual about 8 years ago. I have been happily married for 35 years, but recognised over time that I was attracted to men as well. My wife has been great in accepting me for who I am, but said that she does not know how she would have reacted if I had told her earlier on in our marriage. I was saddened to read Willies comment posted in January and the pain he is going through. You are not alone Willie and there are alot more of us married guys out there, who fit into a similar category. Accepting who we are and having others accept us is often the difficulty in our society. I found this site by Google too. A great find. Thankyou.

I found this page while using Stumble, and I was so glad for it. I like to see that we have a community in the making; what you’re doing is key to advancing our lifestyle. The day I came out as bi felt so amazing and finding this site just reinforced the joy I found in this revelation about myself. Keep up the good work

It’s incredibly tough being hung up on sexuality in this culture (especially the US, with all of our Puritan and prude roots).

Loving who you love, finding someone stunning and amazing, is one of the most wonderful feelings in the universe…regardless of sex. When one is left in awe of someone else and wishes to be intimately close to them and share themself fully, what is so wrong about that. It’s a human experience, something very unique and incredibly special.

There are far too many labels and meanings created around mutual attraction of the same sex. It’s human, we have it happen (most of us anyway – whether we admit it or not), and it’s ridiculous that there are so many incredible social taboos about people loving each other.

We are ok with watching violent movies, and seeing bloodshed, but we can’t accept that two people love each other who happen to be of the same sex. WTF!!!!???

i agree with you melene, i come from an all boys school, so its kinda normal to be bi and most people (bar chavs) embrace it. also, sometimes i have days when im way more attracted to 1 sex than the other……is that normal?

I just found your blog and I have to say thank you so much for doing this. I have recently come out as bisexual and run into a lot of the problems you describe on this blog. It feels good to read about someone else who has gone through this too.
Thanks!

I am a bii woman but appreciate the thoughtful website. I don’t really agree with posts saying that female bisexuality is accepted. If you say you are a bi women the response is often “cool opportunity for a threesome.” Although we may not be bashed in the way bi men are we are often not respected as a serious potential relationship partner. Thanks for the great site.

What you said in the first post above about the problem of being bisexual but having no group to identify with is true – but also ludicrous, because , if truth be told, there are probably more of us around than any other kind of male (I can’t speak for women). We feel trapped in societies where, if we’re married or partnered with a woman, it suits most people to assume that this is the whole truth about our sexuality.
I’ve had over 50 years of happy married life but have also had good male, often sexual, relationships alongside. I’ve found it helpful to keep away from anal sex because (a) I have no need of it and (b) I look to a guy for what ONLY a guy has to offer and (c) this way the two sides of me cooperate and don’t compete.
I started a group two years back for men who love men – as men. You can find it at:
http%3a//edit.yahoo.com/config/eval_profile%3f.done=http%3a//uk.mail.yahoo.com/%26.scrumb=J2AFJ2Zt8g9
If you copy and paste this into the address bar you should get there!

Like some others have mentioned, I just tonight, found this site via Google search. I want to know more about this subject & it’s great to find others who think like I do. I’ve never openly expressed any of this before & it’s pretty scary for me now. I liked very much what Meleny said! I’ve felt for a long time that humans are simply SEXUAL beings, however one expresses that is as natural as the sunrise! Life would be so much better all around if people would just get over others being different & realize this life is ABOUT the differences! We are to explore as many different ways of being as we may find to explore! I believe it is the expression of a highly evolved Soul! What could be a higher expression of acceptance than that which is shared in sexual intimacy. I’ve found judgement stems from people’s fear. Often they’d LIKE to be so bold, but don’t dare! Questioning conventional status quo takes a lot of ( Uhum ) brass! I suspect the frequent truth is that no one else really believes what they claim to in thinking mainstream, they just don’t dare wonder & color outside the lines like some of us have! It’s certainly not for the faint of heart!
The thing is, I think others around me have recognized my difference my entire 53 yrs of life & I have never really figured out ( and still am not , quite, which is why I’m here ) how to reconcile my inner life to what works in the mainstream. Call me chicken! Hell yes I am! I’ve had plenty of rejection as it is. I don’t know how those of you who have “come out” deal with it! I’d like to & I really hope I do learn a way that works for me!
I thank Garret for his openness & honesty! I agree with him & what he has expressed is very much how I feel! I really have no interest in anal sex, even with a woman, but the unique offerings & intimate knowledge of what’s good to a man is unique to men and I think it’s unequaled. Mutual acceptance in a non-judgmental & safe situation is an ultimate freedom. As good as a woman may do it, it’s not the same! Thank you Garret & I’m going to check out your group.
I doubt THIS can be any worse than telling my folks I was changing my name! Ya! THAT went over like a lead balloon , too! Spiritual alignment takes us in some very challenging paths! The truth that a diversity of sexual orientation has been around since the dawn of time, gets ignored by the mainstream comfort “zoned out”, numb / living on auto pilot & “Don’t rock the boat” crowd!
Ya know what? It’s really interesting to rock the boat! You’d be amazed at who makes the biggest splash! Which usually goes back to the line in Shakespeare “The Lady persists too much Methinks! “. It’s amazing to discover what people REALLY think! The heart has no tongue where the boisterous mind does ramble! We are entering a new age & I think it will usher in an age of universal acceptance. One can at least hope! In the mean time, I ask ” How can any expression of acceptance, affection & love, be wrong?”. What I see to be “wrong” is Judgementalism and rejection in the name of a religion that preaches Universal Love & acceptance! No wonder I’m confused!! Thanks! I think I’m headed in a healthier direction. I won’t lie about being scared to death though!

I feel fortunate to have found this site. As you may have guessed, my boyfriend is bi. I met him years ago when I was younger. I lost my virginity to him. I did not know then he was bi. We broke up but remained friends. Two years after that I saw on Myspace (remember Myspace? lol) that he indicated himself as bi. This was a shock to me. I am guilty of your postings, I did focus on myself. I thought, geez, I lost my virginity to a gay man! And freaked out. It took time for me to get over it. He still had girlfriends, he still had the same funny charming personality. We reconnected possibly because of the new openness between us (and maturity) but I still have questions and concerns. Sharing your stories have helped me understand and move forward in my relationship. Thank you.

Hey!
Absolutley brillant website!Related so much to what your saying.Cant thank you enough!
Like you, I find myself having days were Im attracted to men more than women and via versa. Im 21 and sorry for being crude but growing up I always masturbated to straight porn and women but always felt aroused and a pull towards men aswel noticing guys in magazines and on the street. This is something Ive only came to terms within the past few months. I always was really confused. Wondering was I gay but I knew I couldnt be because I loved women aswel.
What gets me is I have no intention of having a relationship with a guy or having romantic feelings for a man, its purely physical attraction and have always pictured myself settling down and marrying a woman.
Just was wondering is this the way you or anybody else feels?
Also Im considering tellin my friends, who are convinced Im gay but I as yet have protested my hetroness. Im quite nervous about tellin them Im bi though ehich I 100% realise I am now. Is there any tips or confidence boosters you could help me with.Would be much appreciated.
Yet again.Great Site! Thanks.

Myself and my fiance have a great, great relationship both in and out of bed…We are open & honest about our desires and fantasies and have taken steps to “do” something about them. We have openly discussed swinging and her having some intimacy with another woman. Until a couple of weeks ago though, the subject of me playing with another guy was just not discussed. We did get her a strap-on and we have played with that though !!

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, after some searching I told her that I was curious. Curious to feel what another man feels and taste like and also what anal with another male would be like….I don’t feel attracted to other men and don’t envisage a relationship of any kind other than purely physical.

I was taken aback by her reaction….Total acceptance and she said she wasn’t surprised at all that I would contemplate going there. Not that she thought I was Bi or Gay, just that she considered my sexuality to be strong enough to consider it and to be able to deal with it….WOW !!! And she said she would be there with me if I wanted it and we could/should share the journey – I feel like the luckiest guy on the planet !!

I have some concerns and some insecurities now – Does she think less of me as a “man”, have I devalued myself ?? I know I have made myself very vulnerable, but at the same time, I have discovered that I love my fiance more and more each day and that she does me. All she asks is that should I discover that I like boys more than girls, I am honest with her. Somehow, I can’t see that, but it remains a concern….

I gues I am lucky in every way to have found my soulmate, someone who I can really be honest with, who understands me and wants to share a journey through our sexualities, together.

To R…If you happen to read this, I love you more each day & thank you for loving me enough to set me free. I hope and believe you feel the same…

I just want to thank you so much for this site. I am a straight 24 yr. old woman. I’m going through a real tough divorce…I’m not certain if my guy is bi..but the signs have been there all along. I know it is ridiculous to make assumptions like that.

Reading the blogs here have helped me make it through this and understand bisexuality more.

The world would be so much easier if everything was just out in the open.

Hi, i happened upon this site thru a bi-group i belong too.
I am 31 BI-Female with a wonderful loving bi-boyfriend I am excepting of his chooses and he is accepting of mine. We have been together for about a year and a half.

We are talking about a threesome with another girl, which I’m good with just a little hesitant about sharing him, but I’m working on my feelings and we communicate pretty well.

We have also talked about him either having a guy friend or possibly a three way with another guy for him. I’m not completely sure how i feel about this I’m ok with it, but I’m also nervous about it.

I don’t really have any friends to talk this over with and I’m guess I’m just looking for some one who has been or is going through the same type of situation. Or even a group that would be open to this type of discussion.