Author: Emily Shade

I have been described a straightforward speaker with engaging humor and practical approaches to life. My passion is to speak, write and encourage women in relevant ways that allows them to grow in their relationship with Christ, their families, and their friends. In January 2018, I co-founded Iron Porch Ministries with my best friend, Erin Petersen as a mechanism for women to have space to “sharpen” one another based on Proverbs 27:17. I will retire from the Air Force in 2018 after 24 years of service. I've been married for four years and am mom to son, Kambell, 7 and step-mom to daughter, Kiayna, 25. My hobbies include reading, photography and scrapbooking, but I spends a fair amount of time on the “Shade-Farmette” taking care of the chickens, ducks, pond and garden. While I was born in Wisconsin (Go Pack Go!), raised in Oregon, and lived all over the world as a military member, I now calls Alabama home.

Last Friday, I made good on a ridiculous commitment I made while my husband and I were dating. I had casually and thoughtlessly agreed that sometime in the future I would attend a heavy metal concert. I dodged that bullet for years. But Friday, I finally went to my first and last head-banging-metal concert. I am free of that commitment from this point forward.

I may be free of the commitment to go, but I’m not free of the overwhelming pain my heart felt leading up to the event, while being at that concert, and in the days afterward.

True confession #1: I hate…seriously hate…heavy metal music. It’s so freaking loud. And repetitive…every song sounds like exactly the same yelling. I don’t understand 80% of the lyrics and the few phrases I can discern I don’t believe are in concert with my Christian faith. I despise that many of the bands in this musical genre utilize symbolology that I deliberately avoid, as a result of my own pagan past. In truth, in the weeks leading up to this concert I was praying that something would happen that would prevent our attendance.

As it became apparent that I was going to have to actually attend, I engaged my prayer warriors to form a hedge of protection around my family while we attended the concert. I was fervently praying for God to close our ears to the enemy, to open the hearts to the non-believers, and to assist with protecting us as we entered a spiritual warfare battlefield.

I prayed as we drove to the venue. I prayed in the parking lot. I prayed in the concession line. I prayed in our seats. I prayed for God to be with us and that Satan would get behind us. I prayed for complete and total intercession. I prayed specifically for my family, but then I prayed for those in my row, in our section, and in the entire audience. I even prayed for all of the band members. I prayed that everyone present would know God…would know His love…would profess Christ as their Savior.

I was praying super big prayers.

True confession #2: I was surprised at how pleasant everyone was around us. Between sets, folks were chatting with us and offering ear plugs (little did they know I had packed several sets of plugs in my purse!). No one was cursing. No one was fall-on-their-face drunk. No one was spouting off about Devil worship.

Everyone was nice. No one was directly threatening towards me or my family. I felt God’s arms around us.

And that’s when I let my guard down. I had prayed through most of the afternoon into the evening, but by dusk I had relaxed a little.

The sun went down. The drunks became rowdy. The smell of weed was prevalent. All around us, people were super excited to hear the first beats of the drum from the headlining band. I stood up to see the stage and when the curtain fell I was in absolute shock. There were images that were blatantly disrespectful of Christ. There were huge areas of literal fire balls. When pentagrams began bouncing all over the screen, I literally burst into tears and fell back into my seat. I know I was the only person in that arena sitting down, but I may have been the only one that was crying and praying out loud to the one true God.

Satan made his presence known.

True confession #3: Spiritual Warfare in America is real and I am fearful that many Christians are turning a blind eye to this fact. I know it’s real because it’s a slippery slope I’ve tumbled down. I know it’s real because I see it in daily aspects of our society. I know it’s real because I just pitched a book about it.

It scares me to death to see how spiritual battles have influenced American society. And yet, I took my family on a trek to see the battle field in action. You read that correctly… “my family.”

True confession #4: My 7-year-old son was with us. He was one of a dozen kids that I saw in attendance.

After that confession, you would be partly justified in asking about my parenting skills. If spiritual warfare scares me so much and if I was so concerned that I dispatched my prayer warriors, why on God’s green earth would I introduce my son to such a scene?

Why? Because I’m raising a prayer warrior. I’m raising a child to someday become a head of household. I’m raising a young man who is in love with the Lord. I can’t shield him completely from the world. But I can teach him how to hold onto his faith, his beliefs, and his focus on God.

Do you know who was praying with me in the weeks up to the concert? My son.

Do you know who prayed in the car that God would protect us? My son.

Do you know who was praying that just one person would come to know the Lord that night? My son.

Do you know who shielded his eyes from the fire on stage and also prayed out loud? My son.

Spiritual warfare is alive and well in our country. Christians are doing a disservice to the next generation if we aren’t allowing them to become equipped to fight a battle that they may not understand. Shoot, that many of us don’t understand!

Some will say that a heavy metal concert wasn’t the place for a child. I agree. It wasn’t an ideal situation. But because it was one that occurred, I used it as a teaching tool for my child to understand that God listens. He will defend us. He will equip us. He will protect us.

I’m free of the commitment to ever attend another one of these concerts…but I will continue to be vigilant to the spiritual battlefield all around us.

~Emily

“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” ~1 Peter 5:8 (NIV)

Like this:

The last week of summer before school starts is always hectic with buying supplies, trying on new clothes, attending open house to meet the teacher, and cramming in the last minute summer fun. As a child, my school always started the day after Labor Day. For my child, Alabama schools start the 1st week of August. That means our hectic week was last week; complete with a three-day sprint to the beach.

I was exhausted when we arrived. Why? For several reasons. I just completed a road trip up and down the East Coast with Erin. I had the very stressful experience of pitching my book proposal to publishers. Even though I’m an extrovert, I had the pressure of meeting hundreds of strangers and engaging in meaningful conversations with all of them. All to turn around and continue living out of a suitcase for a few more days with my husband and son. The cherry on top? I knew the three-day beach trip would primarily be focused on fishing.

On the 2nd night at the beach, I joined dozens of other parents smirking at one another in the dark with headlamps tied to our heads and death grips on our “flashlight” cell phones…all of us supervising small children as they ran after the crabs that skirted across the waves at dusk. Literally, dozens of parents looking like coal miners following children, chasing crabs. For a moment, I stood there looking at the dark shadows with lights at head level, up and down the beach, and reflected on how amazing parenthood truly becomes when you have unconditional love for a little person.

How else would you tolerate, let alone explain, such ridiculous requests to catch crabs in the dark?

At one point Kambell looked up at the stars and said, “Mama, isn’t the sky beautiful? How did God know to make all of those stars for us?”

This led to a conversation about how God knows all of those stars perfectly. How He knows about each one of the hairs on our head…and how He knows every single grain of sand that we were walking on.

After the part of about the sand, Kambell was quiet for quite a while. Anyone who has met this child knows that it’s unusual for him to be quiet for too long. After a few moments he said, “Our God is pretty amazing to know all that stuff.”

You know what? He is pretty amazing to know all that stuff!

Gone was the exhaustion, the stress of pushing books, the exasperation of a three-day fishing trip, and even the embarrassment of walking in the dark with a light tied to my forehead. All of it was gone with the revelation that my son was enamored with God and all that He can do.

“Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” ~Matthew 18:3

Ladies, this week I’m challenging you to be like a child in our awe of God.

Like this:

Have you ever watched a friend go from meltdown to joy…all in a matter of hours?

Erin and I are on a week long road trip/writing conference…and guess what? I watched it happen this week. I got to witness Erin go from blubbering, overwhelmed, messy crying in a Wal-Mart parking lot to complete contentment while putting her grandson to sleep.

And it was a beautiful thing to watch.

I’m not saying her messy crying is a beautiful thing to watch. What I am saying is this:

~How privileged am I that I get to stand next to this amazing woman while we are doing life together?

~How blessed am I to witness the meltdown and help her make sense of the nonsense while she puts the pieces back together?

~How amazing is it that God gave us an opportunity to hang out and bond with all of our kids and grandkid?

~How beautiful is it that I got to rock her grandson to sleep while praying over him? (before she came and stole him from me…I mean seriously, he was already asleep in my arms!!!)

~Or better yet, how beautiful is it that I got to watch Erin sing hymns to him while he fought desperately to stay awake? (after she woke him up from my arms)

The point is this…the meltdowns happen so quickly and sometimes for no reason that we can pin point. But the bliss erases the memory of the meltdown.

I watched my best friend blubber in the Wal-Mart parking lot.

And then just an hour later, I got to watch her love on her Grandson in a way that only Grandma’s can.

I loved watching her in both moments. Simply because she’s amazingly real, amazingly strong, and amazingly there for everyone. Simply because she sharpens me just by being herself.

Like this:

A horrific tragedy unfolded in my community when a husband decided to kill his wife and children, before lighting their home on fire and subsequently committing suicide. On the same day, a friend had her basement renters also commit suicide. On the same day, an Airman I mentor lost his brother in a terrible car accident.

These three separate events, in three separate cities, have impacted my life this week. Not because I knew the key players, but because it has impacted people I care about. It has impacted my church’s youth group. It has impacted my military community. It has impacted the elementary school.

When I found out about my Airmen’s brother’s death, I told him that I was available if he needed to chat. He’s Muslim. I’m Christian. I wanted to offer prayers, but was unsure how to say that without offending him or his family. I was treading softly, as we are both Active Duty. He told me, “Chief, I’m going through a rough patch.” And my immediate response was this: “It’s okay to be going through a rough patch. It’s not okay to stay there for a long time.”

No one enjoys hard times….the rough patches. And yet, we’ve all had a rough patch. The rough patches could be unemployment, divorce, infertility or the rough patch could be health related. The rough patch could be gossip, slander, low self-esteem or loneliness. The rough patch could be death: a family member, a murder, or a suicide. There are thousands of reasons for the rough patches. Rough Patches are really hard when you feel as though you have done everything correctly, but you still have to suffer through the rough patch.

“Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on youto test you, as though something strange were happening to you.But rejoiceinasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ,so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.If you are insulted because of the name of Christ,you are blessed,for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you.If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler.However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name.For it is time for judgment to begin with God’s household; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God?And, “If it is hard for the righteous to be saved,what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?” So then, those who suffer according to God’s willshould commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.” 1 Peter 4:12-19(NIV)

In 1 Peter 4:12-19, we read that there will be suffering for the Christian. We will see and experience the rough patches. Essentially, we should expect some amount of trial and tribulation, and yet we should also continue to press forward looking towards God for help and comfort.

The rough patch offers us time to examine ourselves while in the trial and allows us to entrust ourselves to God within the trial.

Peter warns us in verse 12 that the trials are expected. Yet, we are often surprised by the intensity of the trials. Peter refers to the trials as a “Fiery Ordeal.” I don’t know about you, but the adjective “fiery” makes me feel like this is a super big deal! Fiery is intense.

More than the intensity, I think I’m often surprised by the purpose of the rough patch. On a brain level, I understand that God is allowing us time to draw closer to Him. On a heart level, I want so desperately to have everyone healthy and happy around me! I understand the trial’s ultimate purpose, but like most of us, I would rather not fulfill the purpose through a rough patch.

When there is evil in the air…when we are facing hard times…when we are going through a rough patch, it’s so much easier to bear the burden in remembering that our God is for us. He is with us. He is allowing us to stretch and grow through trials in order to be closer to Him.

The rough patches suck. They’re horrible. But it’s okay to be in the rough patch. They have purpose. They let us grow.

Just don’t stay there for too long.

~Emily

P.S. If you are contemplating staying in the rough patch too long, I am praying that you seek Godly council.Find a strong Christian woman to pray with, talk to your Pastor, call a suicide hotline…please, please, please get help.

Like this:

My 70+ pounds son just asked me to pick him up for a hug. As he wrapped his arms around my neck and his legs around my waist, I tugged furiously at my shirt, which rode up exposing my tummy. I said to him, “You’re almost too heavy for us to do this anymore.” To which he responded, “Remember when you used to carry me like this all the time? You always told me, ‘lean in’.”

When he was straight up or leaning backwards, I had to strain against gravity.

I told him to ‘lean in’ because it made his weight closer to my center of gravity. Essentially, it became easier to carry him.

God is constantly telling us ‘”lean in.”

When we lean in, we are learning.

When we lean in, we are relying on God.

When we lean in, we are stronger.

When we lean in, we get Godly council…because it comes from the sole source.

What does it mean to ‘lean in’ with God? It means we need to pray. We need to talk to God. We need to believe He’s for us. It means we need to learn the Word…we need to get in the Bible. It means we need to surround ourselves with God.

Rather than rely on ourselves, let’s rely on the Lord.

Let’s lean in so that the weight is more evenly distributed.

Let’s lean in to make bearing the load easier.

Let’s lean in.

~Emily

“Trust the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.” ~Proverbs 3:5 (NIV)

Like this:

“Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.” – Ephesians 4:29

When I was a young Airman, I had a supervisor tell me that I was the type of person who thrived on chaos and created drama. That statement hurt me to my core and allowed me to have some self-reflection time about the type of woman I wanted to be known as. And guess what? I decided I didn’t want to be known as someone who was involved with chaos, drama, turmoil…and gossip.

Gossip is such an uncomfortable topic. It’s uncomfortable because so many of us fall into the gossip trap at some point in our lives. There are varying levels of gossip…the seemingly innocent gossip…the outrageous made-up gossip…and even the justifiable gossip cloaked in truth. There are different players in the game of gossip. There is the initiator, the contributor, the facilitator, and even the victim. I know that I have been involved in each of the roles and if I’m honest, in each of the levels of gossip too.

Erin and I were recently talking about the fabric of our friendship and how we’ve never had a fight. We’ve never gossiped about each other. We hold each other accountable. We disagree with one another. Heck we have even disliked decisions that the other made, but we have never fought. Why? I believe there are several reasons. Our friendship is built on trust. It’s built on respect. It’s built on love. And it’s a friendship that is built on Christ.

What would happen to us, as Christian women, if all our relationships were built on trust, respect, love and Christ? What if we treated all of our relationships as ones without chaos, without drama, without gossip?

Would we be happier people? Would we accomplish more? Would we reflect Christ’s love for all of His people?

Obviously, you can’t know if all your relationships are built on mutual trust, mutual respect, mutual love, or mutual relationship with God. But you can know if you will exhibit these traits.

Let’s go back to gossip. Women typically love to talk. And we love to talk about each other. We are a catty group of humans. It does not matter what label you put on yourself, women are at fault for talking about each other. Christian women too. Ours however, may be more dangerous gossip than that of the non-believer. Why? Well, we mask our gossip as “venting” or worse as “seeking council” from other Christian women.

Please know this, I believe we need to seek wise council. Occasionally, we need to vent. If we keep our thoughts, dreams, and prayers to ourselves then we are unable to be held accountable by other Christians. The distinction between wise council seeking and gossip is when you make the decision about whether or not the conversation will make its way back to the subject.

Let’s imagine you take a topic to someone you trust and respect…simply to vent or to get guidance.

If you talk about someone and never intend to bring it to him or her, then it could be gossip.

If you talk about someone and intend to bring it to him or her after seeking council, then it may not be gossip…it may truly be seeking guidance.

“Whoever secretly slanders his neighbor, him I will destroy; No one who has a haughty look and an arrogant heart will I endure.” – Psalm 101:5

Let’s flip the script now. Let’s imagine that someone is coming to you for a venting session or because they are seeking your guidance.

If you aren’t sending them to speak with the individual to resolve the situation, then your guidance is not holy…it is likely part of the gossip.

If you join in the venting session because you’ve been hurt by the individual, then you are contributing to the gossip.

If you ask them what their role is in the scenario, or if you ask them what they intend to say to the individual, or if you encourage them to speak to the person…then you are stopping the gossip. You are providing guidance.

“He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets, But he who is trustworthy conceals a matter.” – Proverbs 11:13

There’s a fine line between gossip and guidance. It’s a hard line to see, but it’s an easy one to cross. Our flesh wants the confirmation that we have been wronged. We crave the vindication that we are right and that we are justified in the gossiping. As humans, we desire someone else to come beside us and share our outrage at injustices…perceived or real.

But what would happen if we stopped the gossip?

What would happen if we started building our relationships on trust, respect, love and Christ?

If we stopped gossiping and replaced that with truth talk directly to the people involved, wouldn’t we start building trust, respect, love…and show how Christ would have functioned?

There are relationships that are toxic. Ones that eventually need to be severed. But for the average relationship, trust and respect are started with honesty. Honesty can be sometimes harsh or sometimes softer, but should never be expressed in a deliberately hurtful manner. Honest talk builds healthy relationships.

“He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, Therefore do not associate with a gossip.” – Proverbs 20:19

Let’s band together as Christian women to refine one another. Together we can start to stop the gossip within our homes, our churches, and our workplaces. Let’s identify the flaws and press into the Lord with our desire to do better.

Like this:

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. ~Isaiah 41:10

This is my “go to” verse. It’s the first verse my grandmother helped me memorize as a small child. It brings me comfort. It’s one I use routinely in prayer. I recently got this verse on a keychain, in a covenant of prayer, along with two special girls from my husband’s family.

I’ve heavily relied on this verse the last few months. I’ve been struggling. And those closest to me have been having a rough time too. I have immediate and extended family, as well as very close friends battling cancer. I’m anxious about the transition between military and civilian life. My stepdaughter is excelling in a rehab program, but recently betrayed by her best friend. I’ve been stricken with doubts about finishing my degree. The suicide of a celebrity chef had me reeling for days. It’s just been a Debbie-Downer type of season in my life.

In light of feeling “out of sorts,” I’ve taken the last few days to contemplate the words of this passage. Essentially I’ve been deciphering why it feels so special to me.

So Do Not Fear: This gives me the security that God has chosen me. He will provide. He has told me not to be fearful of what is next. His plan will prevail.

For I Am With You: This is the promise of God, which is the reason we should not fear. God is with us. He literally is telling us that He is with us. He’s standing next to us…holding our hands…helping us lift our head in times of shame or sorrow…catching our tears…cheering for us. If He’s with us, what do we have to fear?

Do Not Be Dismayed: When one is dismayed, they are typically looking around themselves in a state of alarm or danger. I think about an active shooter scenario…would I spring into action or stand there dumbfounded? This statement from our God tells us that we can be calm and can shed any apprehension that we may harbor. We don’t have to look around in a state of alarm.

For I Am Your God: The Great I AM. Asserting His place in our lives. He is our God, the God of Heaven and Earth, He is God of all power and protection. In this portion of the verse, He states His dominance of our life. I love that He isn’t just reminding us of His position, but rather He is also telling the world that He is our God.

I Will Strengthen You: This verb “will strengthen” provides us with the emotion of attaching to someone else. As in Isaiah 44:14, we become chosen. We are made stronger as a result of our relationship with God. Again, we see the promise from a God that He will see us through the turmoil.

I Will Uphold You: He will enable us to bear any and all of our trials. He will stand us upright. I have this vision of something happening that is so horrible, I want to faint away with fear or saddness…but God is standing right behind me, with His hands under my arms…”propping” me up to face the world.

With My Righteous Right Hand: God’s hand is faithful. It is one to rely on. It’s on that hand that He will secure us.

When broken down, this verse provides so much insight into the heart of our God. And it is so refreshing and reassuring that I do not have to worry about anything, as long as I believe God’s word.

Ladies, I encourage you to lean in this week and really digest a verse…any verse. Figure out how it plays out in your life. I’m praying we all have a week remembering that God will strengthen each of us.