Take the pressure down

In my late 20’s, I picked up a little mantra that has remained embedded in my head:
“Don’t have expectations and you won’t be disappointed”

It has kept me on the straight and narrow in all sorts of sticky, undesireable situations.

Breaking up with douchebags, arguing with bosses, misunderstandings with friends.

As the twinlets’ 3rd birthday was approaching, I made the difficult decision that this year’s celebrations was going to have to be low-key.

I say that it was difficult because, well, as any mother, I wanted to create a special day of celebration for my children. To bake a decadent Rainbow Cake, make intricately animal shaped sandwiches and have colourful, bold, imaginative decorations.

But facing the facts and dealing with reality, I can barely get a pre-mix banana bread loaf out of an oven. Making origami paper cranes is as crafty as I get.

We had a pretty big gathering for the monumental 1st birthday. A beautiful park with fabulous friends. It was a wonderful and memorable day. But the entire time, a stressed out time bomb was ticking away inside me, constantly fretting that something was going to go wrong.

Will people find the park easily? Was it going to rain? Will the boys have a meltdown from missing out on their morning nap?

Of course the entire day went smoothly. And I was worrying over nothing. It was just the anxiety talking. But how could I control that?

Anyway, whether it was stress-related or just bad luck, the family all got a terrible bout of gastro straight after the festivities.

I desperately wanted to show my boys how much they mean to me with all the fancy displays of an extravagant party but I had to be completely truthful with myself and face the fact that, frankly, I really wasn’t up for it.

And that’s okay.

The truth was tough to swallow but it was time to own it.

So, yesterday, in welcoming their 3rd year in this crazy yet amazing world of ours, we spent it with my folks.

There was a shopping trip to Toys R Us in the morning. And even there, there opulence was uncomfortable. The twinlets already had every Thomas the Tank Engine train in the shop, what else did they need?

And that’s when they both picked up a massive Buzz Light Year with the bells and whistles instead.

Some lateral thinking avoided the dilemma of finding and ordering the perfect cake. (K-Bear still suffers from egg allergies and so our choices are always limited).

Luckily, my mum had already made an Indonesian jelly dessert. A childhood favourite. Adding some candles, it turned out to be the perfect option.

The boys didn’t know any different and we had to reenact the candle blowing at least 5 times because, let’s face it. That’s the best, most fun part for most 3 year olds.

Mr Surfer and I have agreed to have a small gathering in a few weeks and invite friends from daycare. But it definitely won’t be to the same extreme as that first party.

Those days of self-pressure are gone. But what we will lack in birthday brouhaha, the twins will gain in a happier, more present mama.

Joining in the gorgeous Essentially Jess for another fabulous round of IBOT

Comments

Aw Grace, they are so adorable! Happy Birthday Twinlets! And to you too Grace, that has been an amazing 3 year journey for you and Mr Surfer.

Kudos for saying no to the massive party and sticking to your guns. It really does bring masses amount of stress that don’t make it as enjoyable as it should be.iSophie recently posted..The Tanty Files – Part Two

I had grand plans for G’s 3rd birthday but totally underestimated how much time everything would take and was still making sandwiches when people started arriving. Simple is definitely the way forward!Catherine Rodie Blagg recently posted.."Everyone knows diary’s are full of crap"

Chuck kids some lollies, chips and Coke, and they will think this is the best party ever. Nothing more needs to be done (as long as lollies, chips and Coke are rare to them). Everything else is overkill. Then at a certain age, take them to a video arcade (old lady talk) and don’t even bother with the lollies or chips….Lydia C. Lee recently posted..Honey, I need a drink…

Good on you Grace! I’ve done simple for all P’s bdays, and now Baby B’s is coming up I’ll do the same. I can’t handle the pressure either! I like making cakes but that’s as fussy as I get. Yay for quiet bdays!!!SarahMac recently posted..Slapdash-issima.

We have had a mixture of parties, though last year we went party free. I felt terrible for the girls not having a party but at the same time I just knew I didn’t have a party in me last year. I think one of a mother’s strongest qualities some days, is remembering her limits. Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses lovelyRhianna recently posted..Tips to save money on your electricity bill.

I love that mantra, I could really use it in my life. That jelly cake looks yummy! I have just come out the other side of birthday party craziness. I loved it and so did my little one… But I really needed to keep reminding myself of why and who it was all for. I had to make myself put down the decorations and get back to playing with Pebble. It is so easy to.get caught up in the ‘pinterest party’ thing, especially as a blogger. Would I do it all again? Yes! Would I do it all again next year? Maybe not. 😉Kylie recently posted..Teddy Bear&#8217;s Picnic Party: The Cake

DS last birthday was incredibly stressful. It rained and I had no idea where I was going to have it until the night before. I stayed up until ridiculous o’clock trying to get the cake ‘just right’. In the end I realised the kids don’t care, at least not yet, so why stress myself out when they are happy for cake and a play at the park.Tegan recently posted..Trashy Tv is good for you!

Happy Birthday gorgeous boys! Grace, I’m sure they both had lovely dreams about their big day, the main thing is they had fun with people who are important to them.
We did the big party a couple of years ago for Bell, and it was one of the most stressful days, I was so glad when it was over.
Keep that pressure down, lovely xLisa@RandomActsOfZen recently posted..A to Z of ZEN. D is for…..

Happy Birthday to the twins!! Small, intimate birthdays are probably the best…especially for those hosting it! It is a great deal of pressure when you are organising it. Totally understand the worries.

Oh…and the mantra you mentioned at the start…I think I do that too…try not to have any expectations. But then, every now and then, I might have positive expectations only to see myself disappointed later. Sigh…it’s a hard one!Psych Babbler recently posted..Book Review and Giveaway: The Tall Poppy Project

oh Grace I completely understand (post all about it will be ready for next Tuesday!)
We (I) have huge parties for my boys and this year – well this year, no steam left in this engine and the celebrations have been turned from high intensity to low key
But with one party only twenty odd days away, the old anxiety is well and truly settling in
Josefa from #teamIBOTJosefa @always Josefa recently posted..Conversations over Coffee

Happy birthday twinlets. I am sure they had an awesome birthday and doing what is right for you is probably the best gift you could give them!!Deb @ Home life simplified recently posted..Resources for bloggers

Sounds like this 3rd birthday had everthing the boys needed and wanted without so much stress. Important people and lots of fun and candle blowing. Happy Birthday to your boys.Jacana recently posted..Cling Wrap

They are gorgeous! and well done for sticking to the plan and having a stress-free birthday. As long as it was a happy day with candles and the ones they love the most around them, im sure they had an amazing timeKate @Crazy Crunchy Chocolate Mummy recently posted..M is for . . . Muffins

Very wise Grace! We have done a party each year and this last one for my daughter’s 3rd birthday was huge. A hot day, two pool accidents, twelve pizzas, and eight salads later, plus newborn, I was exhausted, and Elka was overwhelmed. Next year will be small. Happy birthday to your boys. xxZanni, Heart Mama recently posted..At last, Mum, a routine

I think it’s completely ridiculous how over the top some parents go. You see the parties on pinterest and wonder who has the time to do that?
I do love making a birthday cake though. I do that more for me than for them 😉EssentiallyJess recently posted..I Like to Move It, Move It. AKA The Bum Bum Dance

I think our idea of showing them how much they mean to us and their idea of being shown how much they mean to us is completely different. I think 1st birthdays are monumental, the ones after that, until about 16, are probably less monumental but we can find different ways to make them special. I’m sure the boys only cared that they were with family (and maybe that there was cake). xoAroha @ Colours of Sunset recently posted..Keith Urban – The Story So Far Tour

Honestly, I think you’re very wise. Keep it simple. I think big parties can stress the kids out as much as we parents.

I gasp when I see some of the parties and cakes etc etc on blogs… they are inspirational, but I keep ours simple usually… we did Lollipops for the 6th party and there’s no 7th party this year (I keep telling them) just a simple afternoon tea. I really don’t compare myself to other mums in the party stakes. It’s just not my thing… hey maybe that’s why we’ve never got round to getting married!Seana Smith recently posted..Cremorne Point Walk &#8211; Stroller Walks In Sydney

Sounds like it was perfect for you all. It can be so overwhelming can’t it? I am planning B1 and B2’s second birthday party at the moment and while I have promised it will be smaller than their first birthday, well, let’s just see haha.Ang recently posted..{Recipe} Wholemeal, apple and sultana muffins

Grace, it looks like it was a good day and that the twins were happy and, at the end of the day, this is what really counts. I’m sure they were also happy to see their mum relaxed and able to have some fun with them.Rita recently posted..An award, a super sweet blogger and ten questions

They are yum your boys, just yum! I think we may be somewhat related. I too have this personal credo about lowering expectations and I have had to abuse it of late! But also making a concerted effort to relax about hosting more, so it feels less like an extended trip to the dentist :O which is kind of the opposite of the point. Visiting from IBOT 🙂Twitchy recently posted..Poor Romeo

Birthday parties can get crazy! Especially with daycare/school, his family, your family – it’s like celebrating one birth date for a week. Not even Jesus gets that. So, we do low key every year. Goody bags for the friends and dinner with the Grandmoms – everybody’s happy. Glad you enjoyed theirs, too.Nami recently posted..The Long Haul

I had a mammoth 1st birthday, more for the adults in hindsight. Another crazy 2nd birthday with 16 toddlers and all their followers and child-free adults, with a husband sinking into depression. So her 3rd birthday was immediate family, I told her it was a butterfly party and I put some effort into the cake and she was happy. I don’t think there will be another big 1 until she turns 5 and even then I will be more selective.

I know “birthday pressure”. Luckily, I get to override dear husband most of the time regarding this matter. He has this tendency to get carried away. 🙂 Happy birthday Little K and Little N! (sorry for the late greeting) You are not so little now. xoxoxoxoava recently posted..To Jay. For Jay.

Very wise! It’s clear they loved it from the pictures, and you deserved to enjoy yourself too! You are so right that children want a present, happy mother not the bells and whistles of a big party. Great post!Rachel recently posted.."Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful"

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About Me…

Indonesian-born, Grace spent extensive time living and working overseas, primarily in Japan. She now resides in Sydney where she is mum to identical twin boys and wife to an avid surfer. While she has happily replaced office life with motherhood, Grace has discovered that a 10 year career in corporate sales and being fluent in 3 languages is futile when dealing with toddler tantrums and singing “The Wheels On The Bus”