SHOUT me a beer. Good on ya, mate.

Gettin’ Ettin By a Big Damned Python!

There are people in this world who are destined to be eaten by a Burmese Python.

Most of those poor, poor people live in Burma.

Or in Florida, which is where most Burmese Pythons seem to live nowadays.

Thanks to the crack investigative journalism of Dave Barry, we now know the following:

The Python Challenge is being held right now in Florida

There is a $1,500 prize for whatever lunatic snake-hunter bags the most Burmese Pythons

There is a $1,000 prize for whatever moron snake-hunter catches the largest Burmese Python

The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission’s main rules are pretty simple:

Contestants have an ethical obligation to ensure a Burmese Python is killed in a humane manner (i.e. using a device called a “captive bolt” or by shooting it in the head with a firearm of “a safe, but effective caliber”)

No prize money will be awarded to anyone who is eaten alive by a Burmese Python

Okay, we made up Rule No. 2.

But that’s probably the most important thing to remember because Burmese Pythons can grow up to 20 feet long and weigh up to 200 pounds (before eating any contestants).

Having read about the Python Challenge, I know that many, many of my brethren in Oklahoma will feel drawn to Florida by a powerful and unseen force.