The ‘Peter Moores Departs the ECB’ Media Release

In an effort to be a good citizen of cricket, I’ve written this press release informing of Peter Moores’ departure from the ECB.

The sad fact is that ECB press releases are ridiculously poor. This one is no better, but it should at least save them some time.

Coach Peter Moores Departs the ECB

The ECB today announce that Peter Moores has resigned as head coach of the English cricket team for personal reasons.

By resigned, we actually mean sacked. However, resigned looks better on a resume and we had no reason to totally bury the guy.

The ECB would like to thank Peter for at least being an alternative to Ashley Giles. Imagine if we had hired that boring old spinner. Geez, we hate to think.

Anyhow, it would be remiss of us if we didn’t acknowledge some of Peter’s achievements while coach of England.

Firstly, he convinced us that he would be a better coach than during his first attempt. To be able to lie like that while keeping a straight face is simply outstanding.

He also towed the party line in regards to any potential Kevin Pietersen comeback. That’s about it really.

The ECB will now begin a thorough process, utilising some really expensive consultants, to ensure we find the best replacement possible. This process will leave no stone unturned and we will not be apologising for how long it is likely to take.

We expect to announce Jason Gillespie as the new England head coach as soon as he gets back from holiday. We think it’s this Thursday.