Monday, January 23, 2012

"She came in blue salwar kurtha, matching accessories top to bottom, from ear rings,sandals,bag to "mathe ki bi bindhi".No ...no no said my mind but not the eyes. Could not stop looking at her killer looks. Looked like a fairy walking down from the blue strip of the rainbow straight on the blue carpet and towards me........".

This was the chanting of his adrenaline thumping he felt as he watched the girl in blue who never left any opportunity for an encounter with him. It seems she was in love with him. College days and teenage love! His constant ignorance towards her made her only more stubborn. Following him to bus stops and college entrance grew into routines.

Ultimately world toppled for him. Repeated hatred turned into love. Repeated actions had their magical influence and he started liking her. Her appealing tantrums had cast the spell, dare any guy resist when a girl has her stubborn strategies fully focused. He started liking her........Only to remain in his heart and never revealed to her in the three years of college.

Excuse me, this wasn't the theme of a bolly wood movie with SRK and Kajol. These are the woes of my eligible bachelor friend and his family has lined up profiles and pictures of prospective girls for him. Yes what an pity, he will go through the popular Indian ceremony of "seeing the girl".

Scene 1. The girl has her checklist approved by her parents and also a to do list. Alphabetically sorted in Microsoft and printed in colour. The prospective groom is in gulf. NRI. Means money. So the girl better put up her best to catch the prey.

Scene2. My boy cant wait for his chance to find one "beautiful wife" for himself. And he has already started his dieting and cut downs on caffeine and teas to manage the paunch lest one fair beautiful girl notices the wrong thing and paunch turns out to be the spoil sport. Has done his full homework for the forth coming adventure called marriage.

courtesy Google image

Well well well, my point is not just about his selecting a bride. Is today still the day where traditions rule the times and beat the hearts call? What if the blue girl was right for her. What if they really fell in love and found right partners in them?

Traditional ceremonies are so very interesting and the best part is the variety of food laid out for you.

What raises a call and rings the alarm is:

1. Will you spend few hours or few meetings and decide this is the girl for you?

2. A small question air round can decide your fate?

3. "Will you cook, stay at home, do my house" questions from the boy and "will you take me around the world, come home early from office" questions from girl is enough?

There is no x-step rules for happy married life. Neither is there a mantra to be patented. Blissful married life is about making your own mantra for each situation throughout the married life, to adhere to and compel your mind and heart towards winning each others heart over any ego's and making life easy.

My personal Mantra for a blissful married life would be:

1.You want to be independent? Remember your spouse wants to be too. Space to think generates more love.
2. Both need to talk, but when the heat in matter glows, one of you talk, so things aren't blown out. Temper is common, but at one time only one is allowed to show it!
3. Dislike something, never mind but only for your partner you can manage to like it for a while. You need not like the action or thing, but you love your spouse, so.
4. Raking mistakes of past repeatedly can aggravate present relations. Best forbidden.
5. Never bring the in-laws/relatives or even children for that matter, in your disagreements.
List can be elaborated to endless.

What about the path of the long future where in up-teem personal compromises need to be ensured. These compromises are like bitter pills that make your life healthier .

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

"May you be the mother of a son"- is a common blessing for a married woman in India. Is this a step motherly attitude towards daughters? A girl child in India leads a neglected multi-cursed multi –abused life? She is toned to accept a second class status in the traditional male dominated socio-economic set up. AtharvaVeda aptly sums up this fact with the verse "Grant me a son and a girl elsewhere"-I remember reading this somewhere.

No, when I write this it is definitely not a generic offensive statement but surely a factual reality still pertaining in human world especially in India. Today's educated class longing for a girl child after birth of a son is no new. Vice-Versa also applies. The interest is positive. Successful women aren't unnoticed. The concern of mine here only is a girl child's manifold problems with religious preaching, social environment, and economic compulsions in many parts of rural as well as urban areas which are still "uncivilized".

A childhood of girl generally constitutes to too many rituals, law and rules, in fact to a mass of cultural directory which eventually form her core identity as a adult. An entry to school is a highlighted milestone. University education is like a heroic deed ending with a certificate that adds weight age to the unending list of "skills" during her "bride seeing ceremony". And by chance if she excels in school then there is tremendous speculation of her ability to be accepted by a equally well matched or "well-to-do" groom.

She is like a liability? She will be raised with all the "values" and beliefs she needs to be imbibed with to keep her in laws happy in future.

The preference to the male is because he is the flame of the family passing on the torch to the next generation. Whereas she is a guest in the paternal home till she is tied to a "husband" material. Liability ends.

Not just India but in many parts of the world she is brought up by assigning negative values as her own entity. The socialism of a girl is still explained by the theme: unwanted, neglected, underdeveloped and exploited.

This is still a concern in the parts of society which will be termed uncivilized. For this to turn into civilized requires the education to realize and accepted equal to a male child.

All that is required is thinking and belief.

Cheers,
SushI dedicate this post to the G-Day of round 10 of ABC Wednesday meme. Please click here for details and more shots.