Saving the Human Race, One Tree At a Time

DANIEL JAMES: Welcome to the Wildlife Conservatory Channel. I am here with Arthur Chopper to ask him about his theory on wildlife and his book More Shine, Less Grime. It received the Caldecott Medal. Congratulations!

CHOPPER: Well, my team and I have discovered that if we decrease the amount of trees and increase the manufacturing of luxury items, our lives would be easier and more land would be available to enjoy our expansive luxuries.

JAMES: And this theory has sprouted and punctured through our nation’s sphere of influence?

CHOPPER: Yes. It’s complete nonsense what people are saying that my theory is scientifically incorrect. Science will not always be the answer. Our society must start focusing on itself and not on those old, germ infested wildlife preserves. We need to ask ourselves how we can limit the stress in our lives. Psychology proves that stress is unhealthy and I am here to take that away along with all the useless things that are on the earth.

JAMES: Mhm so very interesting and insightful. I see. Oh, and how will you breathe without trees?

CHOPPER: Preserved air of course. Come on man, the whole world is behind me on this and you and your small conservatory are the only ones holding us down.

JAMES: Whatever you say, Chopper. I wish the best to you and your smog filled atmosphere.