Learning to Love Ourselves

This is the house where I live. It’s a huge ugly Soviet building. This is the car that I drive – it’s an old NIVA, which makes an unbelievable amount of noise and breaks down at most unexpected times. And I just love living here, in my rented apartment and driving this old NIVA which took me so much effort to buy.
I can’t think of 10 reasons for living in Armenia, in Yerevan, in this particular building. In fact, I’m working day and night to save enough money to move my family to a nicer place and to drive them around in a better car… I can certainly think of 10 reasons for not wanting to live in Armenia.
And yet, in a more general sense, I love living here, I love working here (even though much of my effort seems to be a waste), I love people who think and act like me and I’m always interested in people who have radically different opinions.
And yes – I love myself – my existence here and now, in this particular place, doing what I do, driving what I drive…

«Երկիրը երկիր չէ»

I often hear the phrase “Yerkiry yerkir che” (The country is not a proper country). Too often. This phrase is repeated in Armenia over and over – it is an omnipresent and overarching expression of hopelessness, despair, unwillingness to stay and take on the challenges of life in Armenia. It is an attempt to justify failures…
And I understand the people who say this phrase: friends and total strangers, poor or wealthy, unemployed or overloaded with work, criminals and police officers, oppositionists and government ministers.
And I want to approach them and tell them – look, perhaps it would help if you learned to love yourself here and now, to love what you do or seek something to do that you’ll love, to love your successes and failures, to love what you have and what you dream of having.
And maybe… maybe… we can finally start building a country that is a country. But only if we learn to love ourselves.
I know I sound naïve – but we really need to learn to love ourselves.

20 Comments

When I visit Armenia , I think what a ´disaster area Armenia is political and social and jet still one week later I want to buy a apartment and plan my retirement in Armenia .
One thing Armenians in Armenia don’t understand, the Government reflects the people . So when people complain about the government in Armenia about all its problems they should maybe start by looking at them in the mirror and say what is it that is bad in me and how can I change for the better .
Every year I come to Armenia you se how worse thing are, a failure in economic policies , social and educational. You really can see the brain drainage, the universities are disaster , its run like private companies , people pay and get a diploma and its now worth the ink it is written on .
If I was you I would try to leave Armenia for the future of your kid , hope is for suckers and hope is the opium of the government which it sells to its people.

Thank you, Artur jan, yet again for a wonderful, thoughtful piece. I agree, it’s easier to think of 10 reasons for not wanting to live in Armenia than 10 reasons for wanting to, but I wrote that piece in response to the same sort of negativity you mention here: I want to show a better side to living in this country. And I truly believe that it all starts with us. No matter who we are, where we are, if we find the good in our surroundings, the beauty within us, if we embrace our failures and celebrate our successes, if we learn to love ourselves, as you say, then we can begin to change what we don’t like, we can begin to make our lives and this country as we want it to be. Perhaps I’m naïve too? 🙂

@ Obersever and Adrineh
I definitely want to have my own 10 reasons for wanting to live in Armenia, but for now all I have are 10 reasons why I want to move to Armenia. Here is one of a handful of videos that I’ve watched countless times, inching me closer to my homeland.

Exactly. People choose to live where they like, if they have the freedom and the means to choose.
For example, in the US we have a lot of immigration from South of the country (Mexico, Guatemala, etc). People run away from their home countries because of corrupt government, poor economic conditions and general feeling that they cannot improve their futures if they stayed. So they come over despite the fact that they are discriminated against because of their brown skin, different culture and language. They often get blamed for higher crime rates.
At the same time, you have the Americans who migrate to mexico where they have built gated communities cut off from the rest of the country because it’s cheap.
This doesn’t seem very relevant to the original post but it’s almost exactly the same with the Armenians.

@Observer
—>….I’m always interested in people who have radically different opinions.”
Many time I have shared my not so mainstream views and radically different opinions. yet, I’ve seen no interest from you. whats very peculiar to me is how I’ve read some similar radically different opinions & views posted by other visitors/commenters here and you always finding an interest with them. hmmm….very peculiar, biased towards them?
—>…”I understand the people who say this phrase: poor or wealthy”…
or wealthy???? since when in Hayastan do the wealthy complain about anything? what problems could they possibly have and/or empathize with the poor?? what problems could arise for them? which wealthy luxury destination to visit that particular month? or which luxury brand shopping district to visit??? ohhh poor us rich ppl, we are having problems deciding. we dont know which to visit this year…rodeo drive in bev hills or champs elysee in paris. or maybe they having a problem on which phat ass overpriced luxury vehicle to drive that particular year?? bentley or rolls royce?? hmmm….problems they have indeed !
I love our Hayastan as much as you or any REAL Hay does
It does make me very sad & angry to see that you living in dilapidated old soviet shit building conditions and driving old shit soviet golf cart with engine.
however, lets be real here. you not working in the criminal mafiya or elitar network, are you? you dont have a very nice expensive luxury brand store on northern blvd., do you? you don’t own 20 factories, 8-10 of which wont be active, and having our Hayrenakic do all the work for you while you collecting all the profits, do you? the answer is no. you are a journalist/blogger in Yerevan and last I checked there are HUNDREDS in your same field & position. you get paid shit. its not as if azatutyan (or whomever is your employer) will pay you thousands of dollars every month for you to move on up in the world. I dont put the blame on you for choosing what you do and loving it, thats your business, not mine. however, you will never get ahead by working what we in america refer to as “dead-end” job. meaning there is no opportunity for you to get ahead and working in same position, doing the same shit every day in & out, while getting paid with crumbs left on the table by those who eat up most of the bread. not only they eating all the bread, but the bastards are having cheese with it too. and we all know from Observer’s blogs how much he likes the cheese…dam it, LoL 🙂
I am happy you are happy, but lets face the reality and bottom line. you are living in poverty or what is considered as “poverty” there in Hayastan. I commend you for wanting to live and remain there and all while trying to support wife & children. indeed you are a real man, I could never do what you do. then again, no wife & children would ever want me 🙁 All of us who read and comment here are a joke, you are the real deal HAY who is living there and having much difficulties while the rest of us are living like god dam kings as if we are sitting on golden thrones of some sort. unlike others who pretend, I dont pretend to know what its like to live Hayastan poor . I am poor, but I am western amerikaci poor…its NOT the same as Hayastan poor that I can openly admit . being poor in shit ugly america, its like middle to upper class in Hayastan. personally, I wouldn’t mind trading places with you. if you want, come here and take my place, but you will suffer financially here as well if you are not involved in a mafiya/elitar type network and/or knowing/being connected to the right ppl. although, a low-level journalist here can make $20-25k/yr at entry level vs. the I dont know how much you making there…$500-1000/mo.???
they say that everyone has to pull his/her own weight and we have to “supposedly” earn our way thru life. ok, but thats a crock of shit made up by the rich (1%’ers) to brainwash everyone else (the 99%’ers) to think that way so that we are always in the stuck in same place in the same time for all of our physical lives. to get rich and/or succeed in life (other than having wife & family) you must be in that 1%. I found long time ago, there is NO such thing as earning your way thru life and/or pull your own weight, and everything will fall into place and you will be a success..that is all BULLS***. you have to be made by others, others have to want to help you and allow you in their networks to make you rich/successful. and only way you, I, and others can ever be in that 1% is if we are as ruthless, evil, greedy, selfish, self-centered, arrogant, cocky, physically good looking, not having a care in world for others, and heartless-soulless as they are
I wish we can all unite and do something big to change it all. unfortunately, not everyone likes each other, not everyone can please each other. that there lies the big problem. we dont love/respecting/accepting each other. always hating/discriminating and out to ruin each other. ppl dont grow up, they always stuck in that 5th grade/high school bully mode mind set. I’m good looking & rich, therefore I’m better than you. I hang with the cool kids, therefore I’m better than you. ara who the f*ck made up these ridiculous sick & twisted rules? oh I forget all the cool good looking rich kids whom are now ruling the planet
fine, let all us piss poor ugly losers unite and destroy the good looking rich elitar motherf***ers, then we can become the new good looking rich elitar and make things right again, che? LoooooooL !!!!!!

@Andranik, Even though I censor and don’t publish half of your comments, I read them all and I’m interested in everything you have to say.
My blog’s ethics code doesn’t allow me to publish certain things, so I don’t. Those are the rules I have set for myself and everyone else, so I can’t break them. And it is your choice to use offensive words and expressions and get read only by me, or try to say the same thing without being offensive, and be published here.

@Observer
I know you read most if not all my comment and dont publish half of theem, thats how and what it is. I can’t control whats published and/or what is not. its your blog and its your buisness, not mine.
you dont have to be interested in my comments/thoughts/opinions inch ayl vor. I was merely pointing out how you always take an interest in others’ radical views & opinions vs. mine which some what border each others. I was only curious to know why? thats why I mentioned it. if you dont want to be interested, that’s ok…I’m not 5 yr old, I’m not baby. I’m a adult, and not cry about it
yes, it is my choice to use offensive words and/or offensive expressions. I am raw and very real. I will not filter my words, because if I do then I am only cheating my own opinions and thoughts. also, I choose to be offensive because many offend me and my homeland/identity. you offend me, I offend back. its justifiable
—>”My blog’s ethics code doesn’t allow me to publish certain things, so I don’t. Those are the rules I have set for myself and everyone else, so I can’t break them”
yet you break them every now & then, but only correct your breakings when someone cries/bitches&moans about it
as was your previous blog of re posting that evolution image
only when IA brought up how its “supposedly” offensive, only then did you now cover it up, but did not remove/cover the ARMENIAN part of that evolution image
btw: the japanese evolution part was fine, nothing offensive about it. in fact, its reality and complimentary that the japs go from monkey to making transformers. Japan is a great wonderful nation and ppl. if it were not for their minds and technologies, the world would still be in dark ages & chaos and bored out of our asses. so BIG thanks to the Japanese for all their contributions to the world, I love and respect them alot and I would even consider living in Japan for few years and hopefully make good relations with them and bring back those relations to Hayastan…I LOVE SUSHI, best non-ARmenian food in the world, thank you Japanese, dzes jaaaaaan em asel 🙂

its Friday again and I guess I have some time to dedicate to Andranik
Andranik jan, when you say something I assume you want someone to read it, (someone like Observer, I am not touching others). Because, otherwise, if you post something and you don’t want anyone to read it – then just say whatever you want to post to your armchair, or say it to your door, etc..
So we both agree that if you write something – you want it to be read.
Now, Observer or others do not want to read something that should not appear in this blog. Something, that is against this blog’s rules. You know, they come here to read things that belong to this place. If they want to read other things – they go to other places. Like your blog. I don’t know if you have a blog, but if you do – you better please post your thoughts (not all, but those that are against the rules of this blog) on your own blog.
Next, in very rare cases I read your long comments, and I have few things to say about them.
I very much encourage anyone promoting Armenia. Of course I encourage more those who live in Armenia and promote Armenia. Or those who live in Armenia and speak about Armenia’s problems. This does not mean you should not speak about Armenia. This simply means you should listen more those who lives in Armenia and speaks about Armenia and then only speak about Armenia.
I also encourage those who promote Armenia by not only shouting a persian origin word Hayastan all over the web, but actually comes to Armenia and tries to change it. Neither me nor any local will take someone’s words seriously if the guy is in California. Or Paris. Or Tokyo. Like to me you have no authority or mandate to point Observer where he lives and what he does. And by the way, Azatutyun radio is funded by US government. I really hope Observer gets decent salary, as he deserves that.
Next, since you live in the USA you should know that there are no bad and good nations. All nations have equal rights, and obligations. Like all turks or arabs or africans can not be bad. Just write this in your iPhone – “nations can not be bad”,
You ask questions, that are clear to those who live in Armenia, but as you find them interesting or dramatic – you highlight them and try to make a whole paragraph out of them. Like what problems do rich people in Armenia have? A problem of going to Paris instead of Vegas? No, rich people in Armenia have a problem of not being robbed by tax inspection. You do not know that – we know that. You better just listen to what we say. Ok?
You just … you just have so many problems, that I can not even structure them and my post will look just like yours. Messy. With your every post I discover that you are ignorant. But no one wants to help you. I know you do not need anyone’s help. Because you just know everything, but also know – they consider you helpless.
But if you are not 5 yeas old (although you behave yourself like one) you just analyze what I said as I spent my time pro bono only because you are Armenian. If not my words, just appreciate my time. And just read my message from the beginning once more.
Change, direct your energy to something good. Don’t “Like” your own posts right after you post them. Simply come to Armenia and try to share our good and bad days and then only judge. Otherwise, you will forever be considered as a clown living in USA and telling us how to build our future.
Did you convey any clear message about Armenia on this blog?
You blame my brothers and sisters from Diaspora,… you LIVE there. How dare you? You ARE Diaspora. You say they are gor gors? Well, to me you are just as gor gor as the Diaspora you talk about.
Tell us about yourself, what did you do for MY country? Apart from giving money to shoot movies. Did you YOURSELF feed any Armenian kid in Armenia? Did you plant any tree in Armenia? Did you rally against government building in Armenia? Did you spend a nigh with Armenian police? Did you convince any investor to come to Armenia? We don’t need your money, for Christ’s sake, we need you to prove you have a moral right to speak about Armenia and to blame ANYONE in Armenia.
ohhhhhh. my boss used to saying that I work for free too much, but I just can’t help when I talk about Armenia with those who think they are Armenians.

@ARmenia
here we go again, you attacking me
so, I will defend myself, but I will keep my answers to your accusations & questions short, simple, and to the point
—> “when you say something I assume you want someone to read it”
absolutely I do and I want observer to publish every comment of mine
If I didnt want it to be read, I would’nt be posting my comments
—>”in very rare cases I read your long comments, and I have few things to say about them.”
I could give a sh*t if you read my comments or not and/or have any response to share with me. I dont post my comments for “ARmenia” to read and respond to them. I post my comments to share my concerns/thoughts/opinions about my homeland and ppl, not for special “ARmenia” reader/commentator
—> “This simply means you should listen more those who lives in Armenia”
I do listen and read alot. All those who live near me are all from Hayastan and have told me many stories and their thoughts about us, our homeland, our existence, our ppl, our nation, our everything…AAAAAAAAALL prior me going to Hayastan for very 1st time
—> “persian origin word Hayastan”
HAY-A is 100% HAYQakan origin and “stan” is a perian suffix meaning “land of”. So, being that we Hayasa’s were conquered by persian mersians 3-4 times over centuries and have adapted/borrowed 15-20% of our language from them (nazeli/nazeni, jan/joon, jigyar, jeyrani, seyrani, rostom, zohrab, ev ayln) how or what do you expect us to refer to our homeland as? by the ARaratian name “biainili”?? I refer to my homeland as my ancient ancestors did…te ARmenia, te Hayastan, te MEC HAYQ…u verj !!!!!!!http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urartu
“The kingdom’s native name was Biainili, also spelt Biaineli, (from which is derived the Armenian toponym Վան “Van”)”

—>”but actually comes to Armenia and tries to change it. Neither me nor any local will take someone’s words seriously if the guy is in California”
Even though this comment is about me, but you helping to prove my point that gor-gors dont have any rights to comment anything (pos or neg) about Hayastan. as they dont live there and/or have any connections to it. basically, you just proved my point about the b’nik Hayastancis there of what they thinking of those who dont live in Hayastan, especially their thoughts/opinions are (more or less) directed towards gor-gors who claim to be Hay and suffer….oh wait, what is it that gor-gors suffer from again??? oh that’s right…..NOTHING !!!!!!!
—>”Like to me you have no authority or mandate to point Observer where he lives and what he does. And by the way, Azatutyun radio is funded by US government”
ay txmar, no one is pointing mandating schmandating anything ha. I was merely being observant and pointing out reality for him, me, and anyone else who living poor among those who live better than all of us poor folk and steal/scam their wealth and luxury lifestyle
as for az. radio funded by us gov’t ha?? LMFAOOO go tell that to the mafiya ruling elitars who really own that radio station and everything else in Hayastan. funded by us gov’t? yah sure, maybe on paper thats how it looks…pff LoL !
—>”Like all turks or arabs or africans can not be bad”
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOO sure sure
ay you ARABaser, TURKaser, NI**ERaser
I spit on all 3 of those scum animals who walk this earth
—>”No, rich people in Armenia have a problem of not being robbed by tax inspection”
you mean those same robbers who working for the rich, ha?
dont try to teach me anything about rich folk
thats all I ever study (among 100’s of other things) in my life, is how
rich get rich and what they do to get there
—>”With your every post I discover that you are ignorant, but no one wants to help you. I know you do not need anyone’s help, because you just know everything, but also know – they consider you helpless”
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
wow, for someone who got done telling me in so many words not to pass judgement and act as if he knows everything, you just got caught doing the same thing, ay himar !!!!!!
acting as if you know me and know everything bout me from all my comments, yet I never passed a judgement on you and/or act as if I know a thing or 2 about you…you have alot to learn GRASSHOPPER !
—>”If not my words, just appreciate my time”
I dont, because you dont mutually appreciate mine
—>”Simply come to Armenia and try to share our good and bad days and then only judge. Otherwise, you will forever be considered as a clown living in USA and telling us how to build our future.”
Its more tha obvious you have not read my previous comments about my visits to Hayastan, nor do you anything bout my life to know if I’ve been there and done anything or not….same reference as above, you have alot to learn about me GRASSHOPPER !
—>”Did you convey any clear message about Armenia on this blog?”
So many times my son, you still have alot to learn GRASSHOPPER !
—>”You ARE Diaspora. Well, to me you are just as gor gor as the Diaspora you talk about”
Yes, I am what is considered the “real” ARmenian diaspora. all the stancis who are living outside of Hayastan. as for your precious all hail mighty master of your universe gor-gor leaders, I dont even need to go there because everyone who has read my comments on her and on youtube know dam well what I think about them
—>”what did you do for MY country? Apart from giving money to shoot movies. Did you YOURSELF feed any Armenian kid in Armenia?”
Not only do I sponsor a 6yr old ARmenian child (who shares the same name as me “ANDRANIK”) thru an NGO known as WORLDVISION (a very huge popular widely known humanitarian charity NGO) but I’ve done alot more then I would brag about
—>”Did you plant any tree in Armenia?”
All 6 times that I was in Hayastan. so, total 6 trees 🙂
and I donate money to the replant-a-tree program org in Hayastan
its not much, but its what I can afford. I’m not from the typic wealthy ARmenian comm. in fact, I am the poorest ARmenian living outside of Hayastan. no ARmenian outside of Hayastan is poorer than me
—>”Did you rally against government building in Armenia?”
Can’t, have not had a chance. Was there before March 1st, 2008 and came after Oct. 99 GENOCIDE of Vazgen and Karen, but hopefully I can when I visit again, then again when I visit next time its likely I’ll be staying forever
—>”Did you spend a nigh with Armenian police?”
Nope ! local cops wont jail and/or harass spyurrqs
They have some sort of secret biased policy I guess, I dont know
Also, have not had a chance to confront them so that they would jail me for a night or 2
—>”Did you convince any investor to come to Armenia?”
Nope, dont have big money and I’m not some big time dodi KAKo mafiya type that has big money and/or friends with that big money to convince to invest in Hayastan. I’m a piss poor nobody, just a plain jane conservative/liberal iskakan Hay who loves his motherland & ppl very much. dont have anything to offer other than my heart, and radical thoughts & views. why dont you go bitch & moan to your all hail might beloved gor-gors l;eaders that you bow down to with their $2B/yr. GENOCIDE expense budget to bring investments into Hayastan. oh that’s right, they don’t dare do it….do they? in fact, the only 3 that are known to do are Kirk Kerkorian, Eduardo Eurnekian (owner of Z’vartnoc airport) and Gerry Cafesjian (owns half of Hayastan, and other half owned by robik mobik, serjik perjik, levon mevon, dodi KAKo, and putin)
—>”We don’t need your money, we need you to prove you have a moral right to speak about Armenia and to blame ANYONE in Armenia”
I am HAYASER, I have every right to speak. my family is from there, my ppl are there. that is my motherland. I have every right to criticize, love, respect, and/or disrespect anything good or bad. how peculiar… you dont attack the gor-gors and/or those who speak out against or negatively criticizing the locals for how they behaving in Hayastan, but you quick to attack me for my views/opinions/thoughts etc. etc…
—>”but I just can’t help when I talk about Armenia with those who think they are Armenians”
keep that up, its that exact mentality/behavior that will keep 1: Hayasers like me from wanting to move back, thinking will I be accepted by my own ppl?? and 2: to prove that all Hayastancis think exactly the same as me, just too afraid to admit it, but you admitting it here very openly…ay apres !
siiiiiiiiiighing, dam that was long. hope I defended myself of every attack/accusations/questions of yours. next time you want to attack me, get some facts about me before you do. do some homework before you speak out acting as if you know a dam thing or 2 about me….ay t’xmar !!!!!!

@Armenia
you nailed it down with your post, I always wanted to answer to Andranik jan, but I don’t find the time.
I praise you my Armenian brother for holding on to your country. Indeed it is you folks who are going through the hardest of all burdens.
Being a gorgor myself, I try my best to support Armenia in all ways possible. When I am in Armenia I avoid corporate oligarch places/shops/supermarkets, I always go for the small shops and simple places, more towards the village. I visit 2 or 3 times Hayastan per year, not because I do like to visit the canary islands or coppenhagen, but because I feel a responsible towards the motherland.
I am aware there is a separative feeling between diaspora and Hayastancis, but this feeling we will overcome it. There are nasty people on bothe sides, superficial, artificial, blood sucking, greedy son of ****. But we will overcome all the hardships, my instinctual feeling says that Armenia now reborn, we shall see it flying high in the sky very soon! We have everything we need, the resources, the people, the sacredness. Our enemies aremany, from within and from outside. We can work to educate our internal enemies, it is a priority. It will take some time for the young generations diaspora and Armenia to get to know each other and familiarize, after all, 100 years have passed since we last met proper!
@Observer, I praise you for your courage to reveal your humble residential space on your blog. It is VERY important what you are saying and doing, yes we should love ourself. I have some friends so superficial they are embarassed and ashamed of their lives!! Let us come out of our social conditioned thinking, rich and poor, social classes etc…A house is a house and so is a car (I myself do not have any car, I live in the west and I cannot afford one)
I know ONE is important, to have good health, for ourselves and our families and friends!! If you have that, you are a rich man! After all, when we go to sleep at night, we wont notice if we sleep on a kings size bed or on a mattress laid on the ground!
Observer jan, I just hope your home is warm enough so that you survive the winter 🙂 next visit to Armenia I would appreciate an invite for a Haykakan Surj at your place :))
What we should all work on, is to keep the Haystan air clean, to preserve the purity of its holy waters, to stop agro-chemical contamination of our soil, and to bring the corrupt mafiosos to jail!

There are diaspora Hays who live in much worse conditions that many in Armenia. Do you know where Bourj Hamoud is? Although I live in the west now, I was born there.
have a look brotherhttp://www.flickr.com/photos/nah9999/6147127188/http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6205/6146570513_66b700c627.jpghttp://static.panoramio.com/photos/original/31763662.jpg
these are still nice photos I found on the web, the true picture is much more miserable (unemployment and poverty conditions prevailing there cannot be desribed in words)
Do you know that bourj hamoud is almost below sea level and that there is nowhere to get rid of the sewage waste. That’s why the whole place smells like shit?
Do you know that after the genocide hundreds of thousands of armenians were thrown into this place and did not even have basic shelter, they lived in camps. If I tell you the horros that I personally have went through specially during the civil war, a normal person would sit silent and be put to shame. Trust me bro, I write to you ONLY because you claim you are Armenian.
Do you know dear Aryan Kavkaz, that Armenians have a place in the diaspora called Anjar? where the heroes of Musa Ler settled in after being deported in ships first to Egypt? Do you know Anjar was a swamp land full of malaria, that the french allocated us the land in hope that the malaria would finish what the turks could not? Do you know that 3000 people died in the first year when my elders had to sleep in freezing temperatures under the stars with NO shelter??
Do you know despite all this most of these Armenians worship that which is called Hayutyun, Hayastan, and everything related to HayAzk?? Do you know that our people are openly insulted in public and private, discriminated continuosly because we refuse to assimilate and loose our Armenian identity?
shall I tell you the names of the young people who have went to Artsakh during the difficult period and joined hand in hand with our Armenian brothers in arms to neutralize threat?
I tell you something Aryatsi kavkaz jan,
in order to help you get rid of your prejudices against WHATEVER gorgor morgor, I recommend we meet in Hayastan together with Observer jan, and talk about all the issues you personally have against your fellow diapora Armenians. We can go out in nature, or to a restaurant in a nice village, my treat.
I am willing to do everything that it takes to eliminate ANY negativity between myself and my good Armenian brother.
I recommend meeting in early spring 2012, in case you are open for the idea, write to me privately at [email protected]

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