Eight Ball Rhumba

I know, you're probably wondering where's that sequel for Monday Morning Meeting that I promised. Well, I did indeed start it, however this idea - which came to me because I just really wanted to use a particular song in some Muppet story - fleshed itself during a nap today and if I know my brain, it wasn't going to last long, so I started writing.

And, after the weekend I had, I kinda wanted something fun and goofy to work on. So here is a new little fic called the Eight Ball Rhumba! YAAAAAAAY!

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Eight Ball Rhumba​

Prologue​

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He couldn’t believe it.

He couldn’t truly believe what he was seeing, but there it was, in black, white, and color; with bolded letters and lines, streams of colorful and expertly placed decorative swirls that denoted to the reader that this was going to be the best thing ever and that if they were anyone, they would be there.

Right there, on the flyer that was clipped to the clipboard in his hands, in what he could only imagine were the signature colors of purples and blues that must have signified the establishment, stated that the seventh annual Cool Pool Tournament semi-finals would be held this Sunday night.

Starting at eight o’clock.

To be seen and played at the Muppet Theatre.

“I’m really sorry, Kermit.”

Kermit the Frog, the head of the Muppets and the director – and some would say gatekeeper of behavior – for the Muppet Show, looked up from the beaten and battered clipboard to that of his right hand man and stage manager for the theater. His face must have shown the shock and surprise that he felt, because the stage manager sagged once again, the first time being when he had presented the frog with the clipboard in the first place.

Kermit wasn’t really sure what emotion he was even feeling at the moment; surprise that there was a pool tournament scheduled on the same night, at the same time, on the same stage that they would be holding a show? Shock that his assistant – usually so efficient and overly ahead of schedule that Kermit was sure that he had their entire schedules planned out for several years – had made such a huge error in judgment?

“I really am sorry, Boss,” Scooter Grosse again stated. Even he had been quite surprised at the error in his normally effective and highly praised work. When he had first approached his boss about renting out the theater while they were in their downtime, he had thought it would only be for the short time that they were on hiatus. The ultimate idea, of course, was to use that as an excuse to rent out the theater in the case they did another movie; it meant extra revenue to cover their normal expenses, like production costs, wardrobe, and hospital bills.

“We can’t do this,” Kermit stated.

“But we can!” the former go-fer insisted. “Kermit, we can’t cancel both events! You should see the ticket sales that have come in for both shows!”

“Really?” the frog questioned. That did make him perk up some; goodness knew that they could always stand to get more ticket sales in order to cover the costs for production, wardrobe, and hospital bills. “The show sold a ton of tickets?”

There was hesitancy in the response and Scooter hoped above anything that Kermit hadn’t noticed. “Sure,” he said, laughing slightly. “And on top of that, the tournament is a charity event, with seventy percent of the proceeds going to a charity of the winner’s choosing.”

“What about…?”

“I’ve already informed everyone who was scheduled that they would need to work around the pool tables on stage.”

“Yeah, but…”

“And I made sure as soon as I knew about the timing that everyone came in for a quick dress rehearsal,” Scooter continued.

That wasn’t a complete lie; he did make sure that anyone who had an act for that week’s show was informed that there would be an obstacle of various pool tables and players. He didn’t really need to mention that he had been aware of said timing for a week and a half and that now, he was Fozzie’s official pre-joke audience for the next six months.

Kermit opened his mouth to say something, but found that – as always – Scooter had managed to foresee problems and apply the needed solution before it became something bigger than it needed to be. “Alright, Scooter,” Kermit sighed. “You seem to have everything in hand, as usual.”

The orange Muppet chuckled, slightly. As long as Kermit was in a good mood, hopefully…

“Well…” the assistant laughed, nervously. “It’s not a good issue either, but it’s…it’s mediocre. Yeah, we’ll go with that. It’s a mediocre issue.” Kermit just looked at him suspiciously. “See, um…well…” Clearing his throat, Scooter went on with, “A few of us wanted to do our part, so we’re…sorta…participating in the tournament.”

The Muppet leader didn’t think that sounded too bad; after all, he certainly wasn’t against helping out an organization, especially one that was donating or raising money for a particular charity. From the way Scooter was looking at him, he actually thought perhaps the stage manager thought he would be angry with the participation, but only at the last moment did Kermit notice two things.

One, Scooter was looking at him but was always glancing at the clipboard in his hands and two, came the realization that the flyer was not the only sheet of paper on the clipboard.

With careful trepidation – you always had to be careful when around certain Muppets anyways – Kermit lifted the top sheet and flipped it over to reveal what he could easily identify as Scooter’s handwriting. The second sheet was laid out in the familiar looking bracket formation that one would use for sporting events, like March Madness. A yellow post-it note was stuck to the top that denoted the acts that were not participating in the tournament; that was a bit troubling to Kermit, as there only seemed to be three acts out of the nine acts that were supposedly scheduled not planning on being in the tournament.

Names of Muppets and pool players alike graced the page below the note, which were printed out on the lines, however it was Scooter’s handwriting that identified which act Muppet participants belonged to.

The little fuse that kept the tight rein on Kermit’s anger, annoyance, and frustration sparked at that moment and in the time it took for Kermit to review the listings for both the doubles and the singles competition, the fuse was completely lit and headed towards the volcano like dynamite that gleefully awaited the charge.

“SCOOTER!”

And there you go! Hey quick question - so I've seen video of the Muppet Show intro when there's no guest star, but I don't think I've come across any episode in which the show actually didn't have a guest star. I was thinking of one in order to tie with the pool tournament, but couldn't think of someone current that also played pool off the top of my head.

So the question is, were there ever episodes of TMS in which they had no guest star? Thanks.

No... The only episode of TMS that didn't have a specific guest star announced was the live episode/version of the show performed at MuppetFest in 2001. Every episode of the show had a guest star. Muppets Tonight, however, did have the Clip and Cameo shows without a main central guest star.

Ah, Kermit meltdown tierade. Good, that will tide us until the next segment. *Poke.

No... The only episode of TMS that didn't have a specific guest star announced was the live episode/version of the show performed at MuppetFest in 2001. Every episode of the show had a guest star. Muppets Tonight, however, did have the Clip and Cameo shows without a main central guest star.

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Shoot. I was afraid of that. Oh well, I'm gonna side on caution and state that, with a pool tournament going on, I think I could get some pool stars in there. OMG, my brain just had an idea! Go brain! Go brain! It's your birthday! Well, I have just solved my problem.

Ah, Kermit meltdown tierade. Good, that will tide us until the next segment. *Poke.

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I'm sure my brain will be hard at work thinking up ways to completely destroy him.

Speaking of, I asked this in another thread, but because the author I think isn't posting as much, not sure if they will actually respond. So I have a question on the use of characters or ideas from other authors. In most cases, I try to get permission if I want to bother something (and I have always stated that should anyone make use of any of my characters, I'm usually go ahead and spread the love, just tell me about it so I can read it), but depending on what it is, I may or may not go forward if I don't get permission.

I was reading Leyla's "Something Worth Waiting For" (?) and there's a scene she has in regards to Gonzo thinking of the Muppets on a barely floating life raft. The concept is funny in itself, but an idea sparked in my head when I started listening to a particular song and I went, "Tee hee! That would make a funny story!"

So, like I wanted to ask if I could borrow the concept, but not sure if I should get permission or if I should credit (or both).

Hmm... I'd say from posting over the years there are two viewpoints on that.

1 If it's characters you want to borrow from another author's fic for your own project, then yes, you should ask first by either posting in the corresponding thread or contacting the creator directly and then wait to get a reply from them before going forward. Most of us here are generally nonplused when it comes to sharing characters. That's how I've gotten some of the entries for my master monster roster project.
2 When it comes to situational ideas, we pretty much self-reference each other's works with details in our own stories that people who've been reading the other authors' fics will recognize either right away or after a little bit. That's how we ended up developing the city of Hensonville where the majority of at least my own stories take place, though the setting is available to others should they want to use it, so long as they don't end up wrecking the notion of community we've built into it. A good example of this would be ConvincingJohn's The Best Neighbor (save for one chapter where they dispense with the villain in a manner so nafariously scary that it scares even the scariest of us ).

2 When it comes to situational ideas, we pretty much self-reference each other's works with details in our own stories that people who've been reading the other authors' fics will recognize either right away or after a little bit.

Hope this helps, look forward to reading your stuff.

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Okay. I think that is what I will do then. I of course want to give credit where credit is due, cause it's 1. a really good read and 2. one of the funniest scenes (second actually, after the hospital scene with TMM haiku. Of course, now that I think about it, Gonzo's performance with the apology haiku might be second) in the fic itself.

Lunchtime at the Muppet Theatre could be described as a particular calm before a storm. The cantina, which was located in the lower level of the theatre, served as the usual quick stop for breakfast, lunch, and dinner should anyone deem themselves an appropriate cook. The cantina stayed open pretty much as long as there were a large number of people within the theatre.

For some incomprehensible reason, the resident chef was that of the Swedish Chef, a master of menu and meal madness and mayhem. If he wasn’t chasing down the day’s entrée, he was cooking up things that probably shouldn’t be considered edible in any part of the world.

The only thing that actually saved the cast and crew of the Muppet Show was the dual roles that their resident cook had when he was a member of the cast.

Today’s lunchtime lunacy was actually mild in comparison to the normal chaos that was found during the days that led up to a show. Dress rehearsals in particular were usually met with last minute jitters or changes in scripts or acts, which of course would be changed again about five minutes before said act was to go onto stage.

Seated at one of the round tables that sat in the middle of the room sat several members of the motley Muppet crew. Scooter had been lamenting his decision to schedule a pool tournament on the same night as the show ever since he had realized his mistake; or rather, ever since he realized his mistake and needed to inform their director about the additional clutter that would be on stage. The manager had to admit that Kermit had taken it slightly better than he had thought, though he figured that was due to all the sucking up and flipper kissing he had done in order to prevent his firing.

His lunch companions – resident comedian Fozzie Bear, maniac stuntman and performance artist Gonzo the Great, unprecedented pianist Rowlf the Dog, and leading lady and diva Miss Piggy – had been listening to this rant for nearly ten minutes. While they could understand the headache this would cause them, none of them felt hard up about the whole thing; after all, they would all be participating in the tournament anyway, along with their regularly scheduled acts.

Besides, it came with the territory when you were a Muppet Show cast member.

“Is this tirade gonna go on for much longer?” asked Gonzo. “I’ve got some mayo defrosting in my dressing room.”

“Gonzo,” Fozzie replied, looking at the weirdo. “You don’t have a dressing room.”

“Sure I do!” the blue weirdo insisted. “It’s that room next door to the boiler room in the basement.”

“That’s a broom closet, you fuzzy freak,” Piggy said.

“You say tomato, I say tomato.”

“Great,” Rowlf chuckled. “Let’s call the whole thing off.”

“How close do you think I am to being fired?”

“Are you still talking?” Piggy asked, exasperated. “Scooter, Moi promises that your job is still well intact. I hardly doubt that Mon Capitaine would actually fire you.”

“He needs all the help he can get,” Fozzie added.

“He needs all the strait jackets he can get,” laughed Rowlf.

“Listen Scooter,” Gonzo began. “The idea to hold a pool tournament was a great idea!”

“Really?” asked the go-fer, hopefully. He certainly had thought it was a great idea, at the time.

“Sure!” the stuntman exclaimed. “I’ve always wanted to jump several pool tables on my motorcycle and tonight, the Great Gonzo is going to take that concept to its logical conclusion.”

“Thanks Gonzo,” Scooter sighed. “But even that doesn’t seem to make what I did right. I mean, what possible, implausible reason would I have to even consider hosting a pool tournament in the theatre!?”

“Hey Scooter.”

Appearing at the young Muppet’s side was a nice looking Whatnot, a lightly orange than that of the go-fer – nearly bordering more on yellow than orange – with shoulder length red hair that was tied up in a ponytail. Her eyes were a lovely emerald green, which matched the green tank top she currently wore.

A crazy thing happened when Scooter saw the Whatnot before him; normally bursting with a quick word or an explanation of the goings on that usually happened with the Muppets, the stage manager suddenly seemed to forget everything there ever was about…well anything. This was quickly noted by his lunch companions, who would later swear that his eyes had been replaced by two large, beating hearts.

“Hello,” he sighed out a greeting, his focus clearly on the new arrival. “Everyone, this is Amanda Cosgrove. She’s the daughter of Cosgrove Cool Pool’s owner and a terrific pool player herself; she organized the tournament.”

Amanda giggled at the praise. “I think he means I’m a decent pool player,” she replied. Placing her hand on the seated Muppet’s shoulder, she continued, “I really wanted to thank you again for letting us use the theatre for the tournament. I’m so sorry that I didn’t realize that we’d be doing it at the same time as the show.”

Scooter’s brain queued up, “Nonsense, Amanda. It was a slight error, but we can work around it; we’ve worked around thousands of obstacles in the past.”

What Scooter’s mouth replied with was, “Ants don’t like cucumbers.”

Shooting an amused look at the assistant, Miss Piggy did what she was best at – taking over the role as spokesperson in the case no one competent could do so. “Nonsense, my dear,” she replied. “It was a silly mistake that is and has been easily rectified. We’ve worked around millions of obstacles in the past; this is small in comparison.”

“It still means a lot,” Amanda gushed. “Especially when many of you are participating in the tournament; that definitely means a lot.” Turning back to Scooter, she gave his shoulder a squeeze. “I can’t thank you enough.”

Scooter wanted and had planned to say, “Think nothing of it. I mean, if you want to be persistent, then I guess you could make it up to us by having dinner with me. Maybe we can work something out where we can help you guys out if you need it.”

What came out of Scooter’s mouth, however, was, “The term diode was coined by William Henry Eccles from the Greek roots of di and ode.”

“The same year that triodes were introduced,” the Whatnot replied. “I’ll see you later.” With a final squeeze to his shoulder, Amanda Cosgrove went off to go handle any final preparations there were to be done for the tournament.

“Nice legs.”

“Eyes above the waist, Gonzo,” Scooter growled, his head whipping quickly from where he was also admiring the retreating figure to that of the stuntman who was never shy in announcing his eye for anything female.

“Likewise,” quipped Piggy.

Realizing that the entire conversation that he did indeed have was the embarrassing one from real time and not the one in his head, Scooter groaned, putting a hand over his eyes. “Fine,” he grumbled. “So I have a bit of a crush.” This of course caused the others to laugh, hysterically. It certainly didn’t help that Fozzie patted him on the back or that Piggy had patted his hand in a show of undisguised enjoyment.

“Of all the people that I wanted around me when I make a complete and utter fool of myself in front of a pretty girl, I get the Peanut Gallery.”

“Better us than those peanut pushers on the street,” Gonzo boasted.

“And besides,” Fozzie added. “This isn’t the first time that you’ve made a complete and utter fool of yourself in front of a pretty girl.”

“Yeah,” Rowlf said, smiling. “This is just the first time that we’ve been around to heckle you about it.”

If dress rehearsals were zany at the Muppet Theatre, the day of a show was a complete and utter madhouse; that is to say that it was as normal a day within the theater. Last minute changes and change ups were common place, however this day was complicated with the presence of several tables that were placed on the stage, along with several different pool patrons who had come early in order to practice.

On top of this, those acts that were not only scheduled to perform, but were also participating in the tournament had to split their time between playing and practicing.

Kermit had the hard task of trying to corral everyone for their rehearsal, as well as keeping his face from scrunching together every five minutes. He had been lulled into a false sense of security with Scooter’s words, but putting that into practice seemed a harsher reality that either of them had completely figured. The frog had to admit that it wasn’t too bad; the stage would be split with stage right as the scene for the tournament, with stage left for that of the show when the time came.

For now, the pool tables were center stage.

Sighing for the umpteenth time in the last two hours, Kermit could already see this set up was not going to work. The worst was the fact that, other than those acts that weren’t participating in the tournament, he hadn’t exactly seen how the other acts were working around the extra baggage on stage. If there was one thing Kermit hated it was that of uncertainty, especially when it came to show time. Other than the list of the performers that were scheduled, the frog had no clue as to what was being performed. Veterinarian’s Hospital was always a wild card and Fozzie’s material was always hit or miss (usually more miss than hit) and anything that Gonzo did kept him on high alert at all times.

“You still mad, Boss?”

Kermit turned his annoyance into a look that most of the Muppets knew was his ‘barely containing a blow up’ face.

“You’re still mad,” Scooter nodded. “If it’s any consolation…”

“No,” the frog replied. “It’s no consolation. Whatever it is you’re going to say, it definitely is not a consolation.”

“You haven’t even heard what it is yet.”

“Something just tells me it won’t be helpful.”

“Kermit,” the former go-fer said, seriously. “I know I made a huge mistake, but I promise you this will work. Everyone knows what to do and we have everything planned out okay.”

The frog huffed, though it sounded more like a sigh than anything else. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Scooter – he absolutely did! – and it certainly wasn’t that he didn’t think the younger Muppet hadn’t done all that he could to rectify the situation they found themselves; if he was honest, Kermit probably had no idea what it was that annoying him so much right now.

It wasn’t as if the show never had an odd or strange occurrence ever happen. They had put on shows at railway stations, performed in the dark, and had a full out dance contest go on during an actual show; this was just another show that just so happened to have a normal element of utter chaos within it.

This time the Muppet leader did sigh, reaching over and giving his assistant a consoling pat on the shoulder, showing him there were no hard feelings in this regard. “I hope you have an idea for our opening number,” he said.

Scooter smiled widely. As confident as he regularly appeared, he could easily surprise his co-workers and friends when a sudden bout of insecurity hit him or when he felt he had let down someone; it was always worse if he thought he had let down one of his friends. “Was there ever a doubt?”

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“It’s the Muppet Show! YAAAAAAY!”

The familiar logo of the Muppet Show rose into the air as the red curtain opened to reveal the standard white and gold arches. As the monsters walked on stage in order to introduce the chorus through the archways, Kermit made his normal run across the logo board to the plank that connected to that of the second to top walkway in order to run down to his standard position in the center row.

Even with the list of performers who were also playing pool, Kermit could easily tell those who were going to be involved just by the way they were dressed. Passing Link Hogthrob, the frog noticed the blue smoking jacket with the black ascot tied around his neck, while the Swedish Chef had changed his customary white apron and chef’s hat for those that were pin striped instead.

Dr. Teeth was similarly dressed, though in the much more exaggerated fashion that was his signature – he now wore a striped Cat in the Hat style top hat that was purple and black to match that of his standard black leather vest and that of a puffy purple shirt. Making his way to his normal place between Fozzie Bear and Miss Piggy, he noted that even they had dressed for the occasion.

Piggy - who was decked out in a black fedora, a light lavender tie, and black vest with a matching color of lavender on the back satin side - he expected to be dressed for the occasion, however noticing that Fozzie, while still wearing his custom tie, was also wearing a jacket on top of that. “Hi-ho, Kermit!” Fozzie whispered, excitedly.

“You should be careful, frog of my heart,” the bear continued. “You know we males don’t live very long. Statistics.”

Kermit glanced warily at the comedian before hopping up on the platform before them. Turning his head slightly to his left, he murmured, “You look fantastic, by the way.”

“Ah,” crooned the bear on his left. “Thank you!”

Two pairs of eyes turned to glare at the comedian.

“And here I thought you hadn’t noticed,” replied Piggy.

“If there is one thing I’m practically incapable of doing, Miss Piggy,” came the retort. “It’s ignoring you. Why don’t we get things started?”

The others chimed in with the familiar closing lines.

“On the most sensational,Inspirational,Celebrational,Muppetational!This is what we call the Muppet Show!”

The logo was once again lowered, this time with Gonzo and his trumpet within the O. When he played, the sound of pool balls clanked together and one literally fell from above, hitting the weirdo on the head, and knocking him cold.

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Hey -- where's the betting pool run by Rizzo? He always gives better odds to the rats...

Still trying to wrap my head around the idea of Scooter messing up a schedule. It just doesn't seem at all likely... beyond that, though, intrigued by the comic mayhem possibilities inherent in the pool tourney/Muppet show. More please!

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Hey -- where's the betting pool run by Rizzo? He always gives better odds to the rats...

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You know...I hadn't even thought of adding Rizzo in, but now...

I admit that I can already foresee a problem writing Rizzo, though I think it might be time for me to delve into MFS in order to get the full rat treatment. I actually didn't know that Riz was an original MS member until I started watching the eps on YouTube.

Still trying to wrap my head around the idea of Scooter messing up a schedule. It just doesn't seem at all likely... beyond that, though, intrigued by the comic mayhem possibilities inherent in the pool tourney/Muppet show. More please!

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That's just it - Scooter wouldn't mess up a schedule...unless completely ga-ga over a pretty girl. I may do a flashback or a prequel to the reasons that Scooter is completely besotted with this girl.

No worries; this is a minor lapse for our favorite go-fer. Believe me, Kermit's going to be worried about more than his assistant's crush. I've had chapter 3 done up for a bit and just finished it this morning and will be working on chap 4 later today. Things to look forward to -

The opening number!
The first of the singles matches!
The first of the doubles matches!
Veterinarian's Hospital!
Famous pool players! (no, really!)
Fozzie's monologue!
An act by the Great Gonzo!
And a betting pool by Rizzo (I will work this in somehow!)
And some other stuff I haven't even thought up yet!

Hey quick question, as long as I have you here captive...er...not that Heh.

Um, anyway, in my original planning for this, I was going to end with then end of the first round and then maybe doing a sequel, but now, I'm wondering if I should just keep it all together in one story. This would allow for the other rounds, including a showdown between the winner of the singles comp and that of the doubles comp, as well as a...um...actually can't tell you that cause you'd figure it out. *tee hee*

Yes keep it all here in one single story thread, makes it easier to follow. So post more now please?

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Like, done and done!

Chapter III​

“Hey everyone! Thank you so much for being here tonight and to those of you watching at home, thanks for watching. My name is Amanda Cosgrove and I am happy to greet you all to tonight’s program.

“For some of you, you’re turned in to the very famous Muppet Show and are probably wondering where’s the show.”

“No we weren’t!” cried a voice from the upper balcony.

“We were wondering what took so long for you to get rid of it!” called his seat mate.

“Well,” the Whatnot continued, ignoring the two older gentlemen seated above her left; she had been warned by Scooter that they could be a problem. “The Muppets being the great people they are..”

“Great people?” continued the pair.

“They certainly are,” said the counterpart. “They are great at being grating…on our nerves!”

“Isn’t there a retirement home the two of you need to be gracing with your presence?” the night’s host retorted. Returning her attention back to the audience, she continued with, “As I was saying, the Muppet Show has not only allowed us to present tonight’s tournament here from the Muppet Theatre, but as an extra treat, several of them are going to show off their pool skills.”

“That’s assuming they had any skills to begin with!”

“So why don’t we start of right with the first set of the singles placements? It’s Andy Schweeb versus Link Hogthrob! And to present this billiard battle, I give you the Muppet Show’s opening number!”

As Amanda walked off to stage left, the red curtain opened to show a large pool table in the middle of the stage, along with various equipment normally associated with the game of 8 ball pool. A purple Whatnot dressed in a loud Hawaiian shirt held a pool cue stick in his hands and appeared to be the first to make the first break.

Link Hogthrob, dressed elegantly in a dark blue smoking jacket that was wrapped around a black ascot tied to his neck, watched from one side of the table.

In the orchestra pit, the rocking sounds of an electric guitar were easily heard even for those in the back of the theater. As the second spot light hit the pit, the audience easily saw the blonde lead guitarist of the Electric Mayhem, Janice, starting out said rift.

She was replaced with the smooth sounds of a harmonica that was held by Rowlf, who sat on the stage, while Scooter laid down a groovin’ bass beat.

The spotlights converged to present not only the first set of the pool tournament, but that of the opening number that was such a standard in every Muppet Show piece. Sitting on stage were that of Kermit, who played banjo, and Rowlf on harmonica; in the pit itself was Animal at his normal place on drums, Dr. Teeth who sat at the familiar upright piano that usually saw the brown dog sit, Janice on lead guitar, and Scooter playing bass.

As the song began, Scooter took a deep breath and began to sing.

“Now listen just a minute while I sing this song,Don’t you worry, baby, it won’t take longI’m just about ready to draw the line,So don’t be surprised when I leave this time.

"Well’ I’m goin’ north and I’m goin’ southDon’t want no more of your lyin’ mouthI’m hittin’ the road, gonna ring some bells,Better know I can do it well.”

The entire group sang the chorus, while Link stood back and watched his chances of making it past the first round began to evaporate.

As Dr. Teeth took the next lyric, Link was finally able to get his one shot in when Schweeb missed his mark. It didn’t help Link any, however, as he managed to completely miss the seven and hit the eight ball in the corner pocket, ending the game.

“Well, I really don’t know where I’m goin’ for sure,Ain’t gotta map, it ain’t no tourJust headin’ out to the open skyWho knows, might even die. Go head, Lady J!”

Janice took her cue and sang in her light, happy voice. “Well don’t you worry your pretty little head,Like you never gave a dang what I did or said.That’s why I’m packin’ to leave this place.Can’t stand to look at your cheatin’ face. Fer rully.”

They repeated the chorus again, while Schweeb put his arm around the sobbing Hogthrob, comforting him after his loss. Link really was on the verge of hysteria, crying into a silk blue hanky that had his initials monogramed on it. And when it seemed the small hanky wouldn’t do, the male diva just pulled his ascot from his jacket and used that for tissue instead.

Kermit took the last verse, as the two players walked off stage, allowing for some of the professional players assembled to show off some of their style and tricks.

“Well you treated me like a little boyAnd played around like I was a toyGuess you thought I’d have the blues,Look whose cryin’, guess you lose.”

The chorus repeated as balls clanked and ricocheted off the sides of the pool table, trick shots bounding back and forth; those in the audience were able to view the tops of the pool table by the use of a drop down projection screen, lowered whenever a close up of a shot needed to be shown.

With the song finished, those who needed to be out of the orchestra pit quickly left, making their to backstage left; all except for Kermit, who just used his position from the stage to stand and greet the audience proper.

“Hi-ho everyone!” he exclaimed. “Nice opening number. And congratulations to Mr. Schweeb for his win! No worries, folks, Link will be okay.” Suddenly, the sounds of loud sobbing could be heard from backstage. “After he has his nightly cry. Up next, how about a little song and dance with our very own tap dancing duo, Abe and Bernie! YAAAAAAAY!”

Backstage, Scooter had quickly donned his customary headset and was directing the cameras that were set up on stage, effectively making sure that they captured both Abe and Bernie and that of the current lieu in pool activity. Amanda sported him as she made her way through to introduce the first of the doubles round, stopping when she caught his eye.

“That was a great set you guys did,” she replied.

“Oh!” Scooter sputtered, fighting to contain the blush he was sure was already sprouting on his face. “Well…it was…it was…um…”

“I didn’t know you played bass.”

“Oh, well…uh…” came the stutter.

“Like, Scooter’s an awesome bass player!”

“You think that’s good, you should hear him play guitar.”

“You play guitar, too?” Amanda asked, her face lighting up. “I’ve always wanted to learn how to play, but I don’t think I have the fingers for it.”

“Nonsense,” said a voice to Scooter’s right, the third which had joined the conversation. “All it takes is practice. Scooter didn’t know and was taught; quite simple.”

“Fer sure,” replied the voice to this left. “Like, Scooter is so totally musically inclined. But you would have to be to work around here, right?”

Amanda giggled, a sound that seemed like heavenly bells for the besotted go-fer. “Well, it was great,” she whispered, green eyes trained on the stage manager. “I should probably go out and introduce the next round. You guys are up next.” And with a lingering smile to Scooter, the pool organizer headed off to the stage.

By the time Scooter remembered to blink again, there was a plastic cup in front of his face, being held by a lavender satin glove. “If you’re going to melt into goo,” replied the same voice that Scooter finally recognized as Miss Piggy. “Could you at least melt into this cup? That would certainly make Beau’s job a lot easier.”

Scooter groaned and tried to ignore the friendly, furry arm that was slung over his shoulders and the hair tousling he was receiving from the Electric Mayhem’s lead guitarist.

Rowlf also chuckled, stating, “Maybe you need to be our patient today.”

The muffled groaning that had started at their arrival that was full parts embarrassment had now receded into annoyance. “Is there no where the Peanut Gallery is going to torment me today?”

The three troublemakers behind him laughed in good humor. “Did you forget where you worked?” Piggy asked.

“Or like, who you work with?” Janice added.

“Don’t the three of you need to be doing something?”

As soon as the question left Scooter’s mouth, Kermit’s statement of, “Hey, Larry, Moe, Curly! Don’t you need to be on stage?” rang out from the small desk that was kept backstage.

“Like, soitenly!”

“We’re going, we’re going,” the dog pianist laughed, patting the stage manager on the shoulder as all three left.

Both Kermit and Scooter watched the trio headed to the stage, two of them participating in the first of the doubles matches, while the third went to her place on stage with the rest of the Electric Mayhem for their musical set.

To be honest, this was the part that Kermit had been dreading since discovering that nearly all of tonight’s acts would be participating in the pool tournament, especially in light of who those acts and participants were. While he never doubted the group’s overall abilities to perform on stage, as well as their inherent abilities to ad-lib their way through a bad performance, he always doubted their abilities to do both at the same time.

Especially when he hadn’t been informed beforehand in order to go over these little details before the show.

Looking at the schedule that sat on his desk, he knew that Veterinarian’s Hospital would be the next sketch, followed by Fozzie’s act, and only one act stood between that and Gonzo’s. Maybe that’s what was bothering him – all of these acts had been known to fall apart in the past.

Vet’s Hospital, with its hurricane of puns flying everywhere, could easily go from groan to downright giddy giggling; it had happened once, when Piggy – ever the consummate performer – had barely been able to deliver the next line in a routine because she was laughing so hard. In the end, she had ad-libbed it, which caused her fellow castmates to laugh hysterically too.

In times like those, Kermit blamed himself. He really should insist that they read off the script like some of the other acts, even when he knew they wouldn’t do it anyway. He was convinced the three sat around scheming on which inappropriate, inanimate object or person would be their next patient, just to see how many puns they could get in on their short segment.

He had tried calling their bluff once, asking if he should even bother to give them a script next time –

“Oh,” Piggy replied, with a grin. “You should bother.”

“We just won’t bother to read it,” Rowlf chuckled.

Looking around, Kermit noted he didn’t see the normal hospital equipment that was usually backstage in order to change sets, which of course worried him. Of all the cast members he thought wouldn’t suddenly break into ad-libbing or act crashing, it had been those three.

Had, being the appropriate word at the time, until that Swedish Chef act with the percolator. He still wasn’t sure whose idea that was, though his money was on Rowlf; it seemed he always bet on Rowlf when it came to something like that.

And then there was Fozzie.

Fozzie Bear, whom Kermit loved like a brother no doubt, would normally not strike gold until it was least expectant. And while Kermit had sometimes been the unofficial guinea pig when it came to testing out said jokes, the frog couldn’t deny the bear had a tenacity and determination that warranted his going on stage, night after night, with the prospect of his every joke falling on deaf and humorless ears.

There were no words that even came close to describing the torment and terror that Gonzo could put him through.

Shaking his head, Kermit stepped closer to the curtain to get a better look at how the act and pool playing was going.

And certainly not to gaze at Piggy’s legs when she took a shot.

And, for anyone who would like to know what song this is - here ya go!

Sadly, the TV version of this isn't featured on any Monkees albums (I know, I've looked) and personally, I think this is the superior version versus that of the original (which I have)

*Is royaly satisfied with this update. At least we know Andy got stripes and Link solids, though that didn't help when he got sunk as the Infinity-Ball's first victim. Interested to see how Rowlf and Piggy fare against the tapdancing pigs. Good song choice, nice to see Scoot getting flustered by a fetching fem. Also liked how Kermit categorized the acts lined up for the night. Thank you for sharing.

Here's chapter four and...like the audience, I expect everyone to sing along! Trust me, you'll like it! Oh and a big thanks to Newsmanfan for the suggestion of Rizzo, whom I didn't even think to add. So hopefully, this lives up to the hype. For the moment.

Chapter IV​

Back on stage, the risers that the Electric Mayhem used for their performances was set up, overlooking that of the pool table and players that were below them. Amanda had just come off stage, announcing the first of the doubles competition that pitted famed Muppet pool player Pete Gartner and his partner, the famed human pool player of Mika ‘The Ice Man’ Immonen against that of Miss Piggy and Rowlf the Dog.

As the intro was played by the Mayhem, backstage Rizzo the Rat was taking down bets on who would make it out of the first round. He was already looking at fifty bucks for Link’s spectacular failure and he was hoping to add to that when Piggy and Rowlf went down in doubles.

Not to say that he didn’t think his Muppet co-stars couldn’t make it past the first rounds, but these two were up against two all-time champs – Gartner was a five time champ in Muppet circles, while the Ice Man held his own as a two time winner in the men’s division and was a former two time winner of Player of the Year. No slim pickings, for sure.

The only wild cards he could see were that of the singles matches with Gonzo, Fozzie, and Dr. Teeth. While he was sure the leader of the Mayhem would come out on top, Gonzo he didn’t know, especially when the whatever planned on doing his act while playing.

Well, the rat thought as he scurried around taking up bets and money. Even if I lose the pool on his playing, I still got the pool for maiming himself during his act. That always makes big money.

Back on stage, Janice’s soulful voice began the lyrics of the song and the guitarist couldn’t help but smile when she heard some of the audience start singing along.

“Just a small town girl,Livin’ in a lonely world.I took the midnight train goin’ anywhere.”

Floyd, with his raspy drawl, took up the next verse.

“Just a city boy,Born and raised in south Detroit,I took that midnight train goin’ anywhere.”

Down below at center stage, Rowlf and Piggy had taken a startling lead, thanks to a missed shot done by Gartner, which accidently sank one of the opposing team’s balls. Rowlf looked over the table, as he lined up his shots. If he could hit the cue ball with the right trajectory, he would be able to knock the three easily in to the left side pocket, which would send the cue down the table to knock the blue number two ball in the corner pocket.

If that worked, it would also line up the cue with the purple number four in the opposite corner.

One of the caveats for those who were not used to chaos ranging around them at all times, the other players were allowed industrial strength earplugs in which to shut out any background numbers. This of course was a shift in the normal rules, as background music could be allowed, but could not overwhelm the participants and distract them. It was this reason that, for the second round, the tournament would mostly likely be held at the pool hall itself.

Dr. Teeth took up the next verse, as Rowlf took his shot, making the three, but missing the two.

“A singer in a smokey room,A smell of wine and cheap perfume.For a smile, they can share the night.It goes on and on and on and on, oh right!”

Both the band and the audience were really getting into the song, as were those waiting backstage. On stage, Immonen tried a trick shot that was supposed to hit the striped eleven, to make it jump the orange five that would then send it careening into that of the striped thirteen, which would then sink itself into the right side pocket.

Unfortunately, the angle was off, so instead of landing in the side pocket, it bounced itself off the side to clank against the cue ball and sending it straight at the five, lining up for a near perfect shot in the corner pocket. As Piggy made her way around to make her shot, she of course sang along with the next verse, smugly as she could easily see this was going to be a game in their favor.

“Some will win,Some will lose,Some were born to sing the blues,Oh the movie never ends,It goes on and on and on and on.”

Rizzo, who of course enjoyed a good Journey song, was none the less preoccupied with the fact that he was going to be losing money. And in the fact that he would be losing money, made him wonder if perhaps he should hedge his bets a little better by switching his money over to the long shots; after all, if the dog and pig combo could beat out the pros, there was an actual chance that Fozzie, of all people, could actually win his match with Dr. Teeth.

However unlikely that was, Rizzo immediately switched sides and moved his fifty bucks from the gold tooth band leader to the fuzzy comedian.

On stage, the Mayhem led the crowd in a rockin’ call and answer for their song, as the game between the two teams began to wind down. Gartner and Immonen only needed to hit their last ball, that of the maroon striped fifteen, in order to get their shot at getting the eight ball; Rowlf and Piggy only needed to concentrate on the eight ball.

“Don’t stop believin’Hold on to the feelin’Streetlights peopleOh oh ooooooh!”

The pool crowd and some of the Muppet crowd applauded when Gartner made his shot with the fifteen, but awed when he missed the eight ball for the side pocket. Piggy and Rowlf seemed to be in a conference about their next shot, but when they broke, anyone who had eyes could see that Piggy was going for the gold and the win.

Just like she did with anything in life.

Hopping up on the end of the pool table, set the eight ball in her sights, just as the band ended the song and the crowd went wild. “Quiet!” came the whispered growl, though it seemed to be loud enough to get a good portion of the audience to quiet themselves.

Pointing her cue stick at the right end corner pocket, the way a baseball player would point to which stadium position their homerun was planning on going, the porcine princess announced, “Eight ball, corner pocket. Nothin’ but net.” Taking careful aim, as well as holding herself as still as possible in order to fall over, Piggy took her shot.

The stick hit the cue ball, which went zooming into the eight ball. The eight ball then made its way, unencumbered, to that of the upper right corner pocket, without so much as touching the sides as it went in. The crowd again went wild, as Gartner and Immonen gracefully shook hands with Rowlf, while Immonen skillfully lifted Piggy from the table and placed her on the floor.

“Merci, Mika,” she cooed, when he made a gentlemanly bow for her expense.

As the two went off stage, they could easily make out the sounds of a pitiful moan coming from the side. “How could ya guys lose?!” cried a brown rat with a red jacket that crossed their path. “I had a hundred bucks on yous guys! What the heck happened?”

“I don’t think you’re aware of just how distracting Miss Piggy can be,” Immonen replied. Looking over his shoulder, he sighed. “What a woman!”

“Better not let Boss Frog hear you say that,” the rat griped. “Or better yet, how about you pay me to keep my mouth quiet on that front?”

​

The next segment of the show, the continuing stooooory of a quack that had gone to the dogs, came easily as Rowlf, Piggy, and Janice were already on stage. The backdrop had been changed for the familiar of a hospital outing, however the actors themselves were hardly dressed to operate, much less even give medical advice.

“Dr. Bob,” Nurse Janice began. “I think our next patient is here.”

“A pool table?” the good doctor asked. “I can see how it managed to get past the front desk.”

Hee... Vet's Hospital isn't that hard to write for. Just keep rolling on with the puns, or the occos, ole!
Magic Voice: Oh lay off. Commercial sign in fifteen seconds.

Don't know that Journey song though, so I'm not singing along, at least not out loud.

Just thought of a bit you could look up and use, a sketch about the number 8 where Grover ends up beating famed pool-player Minnesota Shorts. Whoever that guy was I'll never know. BTW: Why do they call him 'Minnesota Shorts'?

Hee... Vet's Hospital isn't that hard to write for. Just keep rolling on with the puns, or the occos, ole!
Magic Voice: Oh lay off. Commercial sign in fifteen seconds.

Don't know that Journey song though, so I'm not singing along, at least not out loud.

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I really wanted to do a lot more, so wasn't happy that I couldn't.

And *le gasp* You haven't heard one of the greatest Journey songs ever!?!?!? You, my friend, need to go to a bar with a jukebox and hopefully they have the song and then request it. I guarantee you that everyone will sing it.

Just thought of a bit you could look up and use, a sketch about the number 8 where Grover ends up beating famed pool-player Minnesota Shorts. Whoever that guy was I'll never know. BTW: Why do they call him 'Minnesota Shorts'?

Click to expand...

I went looking for it and found that it's the Rick Moranis episode? For some reason, I'm having issues actually finding it. It sounds familiar, so I'm wondering if it's an episode from my childhood that I've actually seen.

And these look like the standard ball colors that I've played with. I've never seen an indigo color for any ball type, though I could see the 2/stripe 10 being an indigo color depending on the set.

The next chap may be a little late as I try thinking up a good Fozzie monologue. Luckily, I remembered the insanity that Gonzo planned, so that should go well. Presumably. Is it just me or has the night been going swimmingly? As in, no weird occurrences, no out of place hijinks?

Silly WMG, pics don't help me much personally, blind batty eyes and all you know, or maybe you didn't. Meh, common mistake.
Yes! You must provide some chaos or mishap happening (or should that be not happening? or mishappening?) backstage for the Boss Frog, cause them thar Mupp boys are gonna drive him buggy as they jump the balls over the rails never meanin' the Bear-on-Patrol no harm.

More when you can get it. *Departs to finish off the plotting around the castle.

And there you go! Hey quick question - so I've seen video of the Muppet Show intro when there's no guest star, but I don't think I've come across any episode in which the show actually didn't have a guest star. I was thinking of one in order to tie with the pool tournament, but couldn't think of someone current that also played pool off the top of my head.

So the question is, were there ever episodes of TMS in which they had no guest star? Thanks.

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This is late, I know, but though there weren't any episodes, I do believe that I have seen an intro on some video release or something that was edited to not include a guest star name.

Yes! You must provide some chaos or mishap happening (or should that be not happening? or mishappening?) backstage for the Boss Frog, cause them thar Mupp boys are gonna drive him buggy as they jump the balls over the rails never meanin' the Bear-on-Patrol no harm.

More when you can get it. *Departs to finish off the plotting around the castle.

Click to expand...

I decided for this chap, I'd do a bit of a flashback (I like flashbacks) as to why our little Scootie could completely forget all that makes him the manager with the mostest. And, some background hijinks.

Chapter V​

Earlier in the month

Scooter Grosse, stage and production manager for the Muppet Show and Muppet movies, was not the kind of guy who hung out in pool halls. His passions ran more towards that of the technological, ever had since he was a kid, and it was only the fly by chance of getting a job as the go-fer for the vaudeville like show that was being put on in his late uncle’s theater that had even introduced the young Muppet to the sights and sounds of the entertainment world.

The theater itself had been a no thought purchase by his uncle, the JP Grosse, on the advice of lawyers that the theater could bring in those richy rich customers who liked going to Broadway shows without needing to actually fly out to Broadway. JP of course hadn’t imagined that a motely band of crazed, insane, and utterly poor group of performers would lease the theater, hence why he had put his nerdy nephew as part of the crew.

One part spy and four parts getting rid of a dorky teenager was all JP had on his mind.

Years later, the young go-fer had made his way up to that of invaluable manager and personal assistant, as well as beloved cast and family member.

On the occasions when either Rowlf or the Mayhem had invited him out, the Muppet had enjoyed the camaraderie with friends than that of the atmosphere of a bar or the games. Once, when he had gone with Rowlf to a little hole in the wall, there had been a darts tournament which had utterly taken over the entire establishment, to the point where – had the two been even five minutes in the door – there would have been no tables for them.

That’s when the idea of perhaps hosting one of these tournaments at the theater had first appeared to him; given the amount of money that was following between the participants and those that were spectating, the young stage manager could easily see the bar making more money in one night than they probably did in the entire week. The amount of money they could raise for their production costs…

The only thing he needed to do was find a tournament that would be bringing in a huge crowd and that would be too small to handle it.

That’s when he first heard about Cosgrove Cool Pool.

​

Cosgrove Cool Pool was located in Hollywood, but wasn’t on the main strip. This meant it was out of the way, but not completely inclusive of the Hollywood highlife; it was a perfect little pool hall that catered to the non-celebrity citizens who also happened to live in and around the popular and famous city. A detour on the way to the theater had Scooter noticing the flyers for the upcoming pool tournament, a call to all pool players to test their mettle and skills against some of the top players.

Chase Cosgrove was the current owner of Cool Pool, a former pool player himself who enjoyed not only the game, but that of the friendships that could be forged around a good game. The Whatnot seemed the jovial type, a rather tall individual with spikey red hair and matching goatee, and a friendly disposition. While he normally hosted the tournaments in the past, this year he had decided that his daughter Amanda would take over that duty; she had already organized the last two tournaments as well, so this was a chance to fully get her immersed in the business.

When Mr. Cosgrove had called his daughter over, Scooter hadn’t been expecting the gorgeous beauty that came over. Immediately, time seemed to stop and the only thing he saw was her, with an angelic halo above her head and a glowing aura around her. And he heard music in his head…

“She’s Venus in blue jeans,Mona Lisa with a ponytailShe’s a walkin’ talkin’ work of artShe’s the girl who stole my heart.”

The young Muppet couldn’t remember the last time he had felt this way about a girl; most of the time, his rather high informative personality, mixed in with his inclination to the odd and curious – due in part, he was sure, with the people and the place where he worked – had put many girls off from a romantic pursuit. His high school days had been awkward in general – a highly intelligent Muppet who worked on stage and wasn’t interested in the same gender – put him apart, while mixed with the general awkwardness that most teenagers felt.

He wasn’t adverse to infatuations – beautiful guest stars like Raquel Welch, Julie Andrews, and Melissa Manchester of course had every male on the show jockeying for their attentions; but Scooter had also shouldered infatuations with his co-stars – Janice, Wanda, and even Piggy – for the lovely and kind ladies that they were. Even in his teenaged heart, he knew there was no way that infatuation was or ever could be returned, but in a sense it warmed his heart in the knowledge that somewhere, there was a girl who was every bit as graceful, fun, and talented as those he worked with.

And on that day, standing in Cosgrove Cool Pool, Scooter Grosse was certain he had found it.

​

Amanda Cosgrove had never been backstage at a real theater before. Oh, she had friends who were in the theater while in both high school and college, but she had never seen the kind of antics that were going on back here. All she had to do was go out on stage and introduce the next game in the tournament and that was it; she couldn’t imagine needing to go through this craziness on a daily basis.

Already, she had seen a group of rats involved what looked like an outright fight, a group of chickens running through backstage being chased by a chef holding a carving knife, all the while fish seemed to be zooming back and forth in the air, and the sobs of one Link Hogthrob as he was ‘persuaded’ to forgo one act for another that was hastily thrown together for the comfort of making him happy.

Scooter had given her the rundown on some of the antics she could expect being backstage at the Muppet Show; if cast members weren’t trying to upstage themselves, acts were being performed offstage or things were happening that shouldn’t be happening; it all sounded intriguing and insane at the same time.

In fact, she had been convinced that he had been joking with her on some of those things, until she saw them herself.

And in the thick of things stood one lone frog and one red haired Muppet.

The young Muppet couldn’t help but admire the way the two seemed to conduct and orchestrate the craziness that was going on around them; she likened them to two generals leading their troops on the battlefield – those who were active were either on the battlefield (the stage) and when wounded, would be hauled off for their nightly medical and emotional support.

Fighting occurred on stage, where active members had to combat not only the audience, but their co-stars, and those two dudes in the balcony. Currently, Fozzie Bear was doing a monologue, all the while trying to play pool against Dr. Teeth and retorting against the elderly gentlemen in the balcony. Amanda had ended up stopping a passing member of the Mayhem – Janice, she remembered – to ask her why they would allow the two to heckle not only the bear, but the other acts.

“Like, they don’t mean any harm,” she replied. “At this point, I think Fozzie likes it.”

“Likes it?” Amanda asked, incredulously. “He likes being heckled?”

“Oh no,” the guitarist laughed. “Just by them. I think it gives him an edge he probably wouldn't get anywhere else. And despite what they say, the old dudes like us; they’ll deny it, but they do.”

“I can’t stand it!” she heard from one such gentleman.

“This is completely unbearable!” said the other.

“I’ve bearly started!” came the retort, along with the bear’s signature, “Wocka wocka wocka!” at the end of it.

“I guess that could be pawsible,” Fozzie replied, setting up his shot to make the striped fifteen. Seemingly against all odds, the bear was actually winning, already up by two shots as he went for this. He would need to get around the eight ball, but the comedian managed to use the black ball to his advantage, using it to tap the fifteen into the corner pocket.

“How is the bear winning?” asked the elder man on the left.

“Why is the bear winning?” asked his companion. Shouting down to the stage, he asked, “Why aren’t you using those big golden teeth of yours to take a bite out of him?”

Seeing Kermit sidled up next to her, she couldn’t help but say, “And I suppose you think this is very punny.”

“Sheesh,” the frog groaned. “You haven’t even made it past the first half hour and you’re starting already. No escaping now.”

Amanda laughed before covering her mouth with her hand, afraid that it could have been heard across the stage. “I can’t imagine you guys doing this on a weekly basis,” she whispered. “Scooter said the craziness only intensifies the closer to show time.”

“He’s right,” Kermit said, scrunching his face when he heard a particularly bad joke from his bear best friend. “Sometimes, I wonder what I did without him; he can be a real life saver on any given day.”

“I’ve noticed.”

It was the dreamy sigh that caused him to turn to look at the young lady, watching her watch his second in command, as he went around trying to corral the next few acts to get their stuff together. Kermit had seen that look before, heck he had held that look before, and he couldn’t help but hide a smile. “He’s a good kid, our Scooter,” he said, seeing her nod her agreement, but obviously not paying him any attention.

Another quick question - I have a lot apparently - do we know where Scooter grew up? Like, we know Kermit's a Southern boy, Miss Piggy's from the midwest, Fozzie from the eastcoast (Fozzie's from the east coast, right?), and Gonzo's from outer space (ymmv), but what about Scooter?

I kinda have the idea that he's a city kid, probably from Cali, but not like surfer kid (which now that I think about it, Janice makes a good candidate for being from Cali too). And yes, this is important. Not for this, but... something else.