The Tiffany Haddish Problem

If we write about everything Tiffany Haddish did that was amazing and exciting last night, we will be here for 2500 years.

It was only a four hour show! Counting the carpet, five. I guess. But even within that time – when Tiffany Haddish was a presenter, but did not participate in any audience ‘bits’ or pretaped items with Jimmy Kimmel, and still, I don’t have ‘moments’ to talk about, I have entire CATEGORIES. A non-exhaustive list:

1. Things Tiffany Haddish said while presenting with Maya Rudolph

2a. Things Tiffany Haddish said to or about Meryl Streep

2b. Things Tiffany Haddish did in pursuit of Meryl Streep

3. Things Tiffany Haddish wore

4. People whose night Tiffany Haddish made when they met her at Vanity Fai

And I suppose there could be:

5. As-yet-undiscovered Tiffany Haddish adventures through the early-morning hours of March 5, 2018

You see my problem.

Even the supposed purpose of this post, that she’s my ‘best dressed’, is too broad. I saw Tiffany Haddish’s first outfit in her Instagram story and immediately fell in love. It was gorgeous and different and significant – as I later learned, it was a traditional Eritrean outfit to honour her father, who was from Eritrea and passed away last year -- and, not insignificantly, it included A TIARA.

I have been looking for a tiara on the red carpet since January. Get out of here with your little bejeweled insets – this is a proper headpiece.

Then she, well, maybe we’d better discuss what adventures she had in each outfit. Then, she picked up her skirts like she was in Little Women, hopped over a velvet rope, and accosted/adored Meryl Streep. I’m sure you’ve seen the Gif by now:

This is all supposed to be very funny because Tiffany Haddish is like us, and we would be similarly delighted to make the acquaintance of Meryl Streep. And it is, but can we just take in the straight up beauty of that dress? Look at the diamonds down the front -- she looks like the Queen of Diamonds!

Okay. So then Tiffany Haddish (who I really enjoy calling by both names) is invited to present Best Documentary Short with Maya Rudolph. This is super smart even though it shouldn’t be rocket science – if there’s a category people are less inclined to be there for, you get someone interesting and exciting to present it.

Let’s just pause here and point out that we’re thinking of Maya Rudolph, one of the funniest women on television, as the ‘and’ in this situation. Or at least, I am.

This would all be fine and good and I was enjoying the banter about pee and poo in movies (I mean, Lainey would have kicked me in the ribs if I hadn’t) but I was distracted. Because… as I pointed out last night…

THAT IS HER WHITE DRESS FROM #SNL. The one she swore she would wear again! I love you Tiffany. #Oscars

I know what some of you are thinking. “It’s just a dresssss! God what is the big dealllll?”

But the big deal is my theme for the Oscars this year – I am getting off on seeing people freely and happily breaking the supposedly iron-clad rules. She wasn’t afraid of the dress gag, of it being lame or stale or – she’s writing her own script. And this is the glorious advantage of someone who breaks into show business when they’re not 22 – as she said to Kelly Ripa this morning, she’s 38 years old – and she’s a fully-formed person who’s not losing sleep over doing or wearing anything she doesn’t want to.

As for Tiffany and Maya hosting – on the one hand, sure. I am very, very here for these two to be the new Tina and Amy, doing a surprise show circuit when we least expect it like the most amazing substitute teachers. But I’m not sure it’s the right move – at least, not in an official capacity.

Tiffany Haddish needs to keep it loose so she can do whatever she needs to. Make a movie where Meryl Streep plays her mom. Star in the first scripted Groupon show. “Do something” with Brad Pitt (trust me, watch this clip –try and fail to restrict yourself to just one viewing).

In short -- I’m into rule breaking. I’m not going to get to all of the outfits I listed in the opening (use your imagination for what happened at Vanity Fair). Tiffany Haddish isn’t going to sign on to something as mundane as hosting a TV show. She makes the rules, and we watch.

PS -- Lainey loved Maya Rudolph's diaphanous cape-jacket-dress, which on any other day would be big headline-making news. I didn't hate it myself. But such is the world we're living in where a red neck-to-toe blouson gown is a post-script, or at least another category.