14 August 2005 at 11:44

what I learned from hotboy

One of the best purchases I ever made was a pair of industrial earmuffs, rated at 35dB. Hotboy uses them while he's writing his books, but they're useful in all kinds of situations.

At work, when the person who shares my office phones her family for a screaming argument, I put on the earmuffs and carry on working.

At home I keep a pair of ear protectors in the kitchen. That way, when the people I live with choose to operate the blender or practice their Greek plate-smashing dance precisely when I'm cooking, I pop them over my ears and carry on without tinnitus.

I reckon the whole world would get along perfectly if everyone had a pair. The only thing better than that would be if I was licenced to kill noisy people.

2 - The value of diarrhoea

I was working in a dead-end job for Edinburgh Council, where the only thing that kept me sane was taking sick days as often as possible. The problem was, I had run out of medical excuses, after already using sore stomach, sore back, flu, etc., and the management was starting to query my sick days.

Hotboy suggested I forget about thinking up new illnesses, and always just give them the same excuse - diarrhoea. Because let's face it, bosses are too embarrassed to question you about it. This advice has served me well over the years.

3 - The value of Led Zeppelin

Because there are times when nothing but Led Zep will do. Listen up kids, don't do drugs. But if you do, remember to use Led Zep at the same time. If Led Zep doesn't sound fantastic, you've been sold dud drugs. Try and get your money back

The earmuffs look exactly like the ones I'm wearing now, except mine are red!! You can be a member of the family watching teevee with your eyes rolled up if you've got these. Just sit nearer the screen. I don't remember about the diarhheeooa, but it sounds like good advice to me. Also, I never listen to music now since you can't hear it properly with the earmuffs on!Hope this helps. Hotboy

Adolf! Everglades is into writing! It's amazing that all the interesting folk hit your blog. Could you get him to re-write one of mine useless books so we could all end up in ra money? I think people should steal the ideas and then give me a small pittance to help me survive in ra hut! A small slip of sustenance to hit ra needs! Fancy being 24. You were still suffering from the mustard gas at that point. Hope this helps. Hotboy