I want to introduce you to one our Full 1mpact’s writers. Online he goes by Man of Mystery. He is one of our premier students and even so still teaches me daily on life in general. He is never short of material he has sought out or researched on his own. He has opened up a group of paranormal research that has uncovered some insanely cool evidence, to the likes I could never have. Today, in his own words he writes about Overcoming Fear. Thank you. — William M. Jeffries

One of the biggest steps to take in crossing over into manhood is overcoming or handling fear. This is difficult for every man. Some men still have trouble with this. The chemicals produced by our bodies because of fear into our blood vessels can be overwhelming to a point where we feel a tremendous amount of anxiety. As a man though, you have to ask yourself if you’re going to let the fear control you or be the man that overcomes or handles his fears.

Another one of my fears is getting into an uncontrolled fight. Back in 07, I was involved in a fight over a huge misunderstanding. I felt disrespected and I hit the guy. As I was walking away, he started punching me in the face repeatedly. I felt like I was having an out of body experience watching myself. When I finally came to, my mind was like “Why am I just standing here?” and I gave him a huge palm heel strike. All I remembered after that, was being on top of him head butting him. After that situation, I hated the idea of being in any kind of fight. Then I got into Israeli Krav Maga. I love it because it’s very unconventional. Some of the best anti-terrorist teams and angencies like the CIA and FBI use it. I feel like my childhood (and even now) hero Jack Bauer.

However, when I moved up, sparring became part of the curiculum. What did I think about? You guessed it. That fight I was in. There were times where I missed it because my body was flooding with the chemicals of anxiety and even felt paralysis when I just thought about it. But then one day, I asked myself what was more important. My fear of getting into a fight or my ambition for Krav Maga. Again, I sacrificed that fear and did it for my love of Krav. Thinking about it, I guess I’m not scared of sparring, it’s the idea of getting hurt. Once you get started though, the fear eases and you become more focused on improving. This has been one of my biggest obstacles to overcome. It’s really no different though from other people’s big fears in life. I can guarantee though that once you get through, the reward is significant.

What’s the cure for fear? I don’t think it can be cured. I think fear can actually be a good thing. Fear makes us feel alive. Ironically, it’s a gift. Sometimes this gift doesn’t serve you and you have to find a way to neutralize it. Fear can’t be cured, but there is a way to minimize it. It’s called ambition. If there’s anything that can strike fear into fear itself, it’s ambition.

What are your strongest ambitions in life? When something stands in your way of something you desire, do you let fear just stand in your way? Chances are, the stronger your ambitions are towards something, the more likely you’re going to find a way to get it. (Take for example, a parent keeping their child from harm. Large ambition.)

Today, one of the world’s greatest pick up artist is Mystery. Whether you love him, hate him, or think that the way he dresses to attract women is ridiculous, you have to admire his ability to attract some of the world’s most beautiful women. Ironically, he actually hates the approach. You would think that the best pick up artist in the world wouldn’t have a problem with the approach. Wrong. He has just as much anxiety about it, as a 14 year old who likes a girl, but has no idea how to talk to a girl. However, his ambition to attract beautiful women is what gets him through his fear. It happens every time to him, but he uses that fear to fuel his ambition instead.

Another of my strongest ambitions is investigating the paranormal. I don’t even let the thought of something scaring me enter my mind. I love going into haunted buildings to explore the unexplained and the unknown. It fascinates me. There are risks and dangers to investigating the paranormal, but my ambition is too big to let that get in the way.

A prime example I could think of when overcoming fear, comes from a video game from my childhood. If you’re not familiar with Resident Evil, it’s a survival horror game with zombies and mutated creatures. Anyways, I was at a point of the game where I just got the hell scared out of me by one of the creatures in the game. I went by a double mirror, when suddenly it jumped through the mirror. At that point, I was too scared to go through another the next door to see what else would jump out at me. But I wanted to beat the game. To do that, there was no choice but to move forward. Either I could take a step back into safety and never beat the game, or I could take a step forward and deal with the fear of these zombies or creatures jumping out at me to beat the game. I decided to take a step forward. There were some more scares, but beating the game in the end felt rewarding.

I know I was describing a video game, but chances are you know what feeling I’m talking about and you’ve felt it before. So what barrier have you created for yourself that you need break? Are you any closer to getting what you want out of life or are you letting fear stop you? If fear is presenting itself to you, find a way to develop ambition to get over it. Create a burning desire for yourself. —-Man of Mystery

In the years I spent in school, all the way through college, I was confronted with the challenge of my own personal level of confidence. I was bullied growing up so by the era of High School I created an image of an unstable crazy kid as a defense and backed it up with actions just to be left alone. I created a cocky, crazy, funny, image for my persona. But that is all it was, an image. Deep inside my soul I was scared, insecure, and filled to the top with anger, sadness, and frustration. Frustration because deeply I questioned my level of masculinity. It was unclear to me how exactly to be a “man.” It was unclear how to get girls, how to carry myself, how not to overreact to situations emotionally, and how to be confident.

To me, every guy who I saw as labeled confident was an arrogant ass in my books. They belittled others, used people for personal gain, and often bullied those they saw as physically weaker than themselves. They picked on who they labeled as sissies, wussies, girly boys, and weaklings. To those who fell under those labels, life would be tough and confidence would be something you’d have to uncover later in life or struggle to unlock it during those hard years of learning adulthood. Often fathers would teach young men the value of confidence vs. arrogance, but in recent generations the valued lessons taught in the past are a rarity and left to be discovered on one’s own.

So as I grew up during those years I adopted a cocky, often arrogant, attitude towards life. As my own mother will tell you, I’ve always went my own direction. Yearned to learn on my own and fought the tide. Little did I know is that what I thought were truths were actually behaviors that were counterfeit parts of the real truth. Meaning, what I thought was confidence was not. In fact the attitudes of arrogance and cockiness were outward reactions to insecurities I felt, and in actuality unmasked those insecurities.

Lets define the difference of confidence versus arrogance ourselves: As I later came to terms with my own level of confidence I began to realize what it was that was the difference. Why is it my heroes growing up never seemed to doubt themselves, or why is it they never seem to be rattled much by opposition. And if for some reason their cage was rattled, how was it they were able to find a way out? The answer lies within themselves. Too cliché? Perhaps, but nonetheless very true.

The old English Dictionary for Arrogance is as such: 1. Having or displaying a sense of overbearing self-worth or self-importance.

2. Marked by or arising from a feeling or assumption of one’s superiority toward others:

3. An exaggerated display of self-importance or self-worth.

Now let’s look at the Old English version of confidence: 1. Full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing. 2. belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance:

After taking a closer look you notice that arrogance is played out whereas confidence is more internal. Not to say those who portray arrogance don’t as some level believe in themselves. However, the majority of my heroes growing up did not have to tell anyone of their confidence or abilities. It showed up in their actions. When I began the journey to define myself better I asked a mentor how to tell if what you are portraying as a man is either confidence or arrogance. He said this, (and to this day I believe it.) ;”Confidence is more humble, where arrogance is about being seen. A person who is truly confidence will never really need the approval or notice of others, they know within themselves lies the answer to whatever it is they need. A person full of arrogance needs the spotlight to affirm to them what they are unsure of deep inside. Confidence does not need the expense of others for it to exist, it just does. Where arrogance is often as the expense of others. Notice how you feel around someone who is arrogant? Often they put themselves above others as though they are better. If you are truly confident, you lift others higher than yourself. And that my friend is the difference.”

When I had been told that several things became clear. 1. I need to adjust how my self-worth has nothing to do with what others think about me. I define that on my own terms, in my own way. 2. To project an exaggerated part of my confidence, is to show my arrogance and insecurity. In knowing this, I also discovered that arrogance is just another way of showing people your insecurity. Interesting.

With all of this taken into consideration one of the things I have been asked in our men’s studies is “What if someone says you are too arrogant, when really you don’t believe you are?” My answer is simple really. Often confidence will threaten those who are insecure and they’ll act out on it. You have to stay clear of feeling guilty for that or playing into it. Be who you are, it will probably offend people and that’s a good thing. Also, is your “confidence” at the expense of other people? Are people being put down or placed on a lower level of standing with you in any way? If so, you’re dealing with arrogance which is a cousin to ignorance. They walk hand in hand.

That being said I hope for some people this made a difference, and that if there was any uncertainty it was made more clear now. This Friday we’ll be talking about fear, overcoming it, and handling it. One of our groups’ finest will be writing the column and I know you’ll enjoy his ideas! Can’t wait to read it for myself.