You Asked For It

I recently asked some friends what I should write about. They gave me some ideas and I combined them all into an accurate depiction of my life and the upside of re-purposing things that aren’t being used to their full potential.

Most people know that I have a sex chair. It’s called the Tantra Chair and I got mine before they were mass-produced. Made of mahogany and covered in a white Italian silk, my chair is one-of-a-kind, since I picked the specific fabric myself. It’s a beautiful and amazing piece of furniture and I’m proud to own it.

Since becoming single, I use the chair in a variety of ways, not just incredibly comfortable bjs and being taken from behind. Below, the last 5 things I used my sex chair for that have very little to do with sex.

1) I really suck at hanging things up when I use them daily. A great example would be a bathrobe. I have 5 different robes ensuring that I have all of my cover-up needs met at any given moment. It is winter-ish, so I currently have my long, white, fluffy robe at the ready. I wear it every morning for anywhere from 15 minutes on a work day to 2 hours on a weekend. I really don’t have the desire to go over to the closet and hang it up every day. What’s a girl to do? Why, I’ve got a perfectly fine tantra chair in my bedroom at the foot of my bed! I’ll go ahead and drape that sucker right over it! It also generally holds my fuzzy pj pants, a hoodie and a scarf or two. Functional AND fucktional. Just go with my word choice here, ok?

2) It is a fabulously comfortable reading chair! I’ve recently read several books while reclining with my knees bent at the perfect angle for receiving oral sex. Some of the things I’ve read there in the past few months: “The Deadly Dozen: America’s 12 Worst Serial Killers”, “Bulger On Trial: Boston’s Most Notorious Gangster And The Pursuit Of Justice”, and “If You Lived Here, I’d Know Your Name: News from Small-Town Alaska”.

3) The other day, I didn’t feel like reading or playing Candy Crush. My couch is pretty uncomfortable, and so I made my way to the chair and sat with my headphones on, listening to music on my late-2000 model ipod nano with the music library from the 70s and 80s. Occasionally, something more modern makes its way on to it, but it really has to be a song that speaks to me.

4) I like to lay on it and ponder life & death and what makes it all worth-while. I also like to practice my Shakespeare recitation. Last week, I combined the two and worked on reciting the following, with passion:

“To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there’s the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there’s the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
–William Shakespeare, Hamlet

5) Of course, in thinking about life and death, one cannot ignore the frightening thoughts regarding nuclear proliferation and how it will affect future generations. How do we stop this? SHOULD we stop this? Does it really matter if we stop it? Certainly, we don’t want nuclear weapons in the hands of some crazed fool who would attempt to use the threat of nuclear strikes to coerce other nations into doing his (or her) bidding. Perhaps the truth of the matter is simply that those kinds of things are already happening, and it’s just like bullies on a playground. “I see your nuke is as big as mine” adage, followed closely by, “Drop your cocks and grab your socks, boys! Look what I can do!”

“For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor’s wrong, the proud man’s contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law’s delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns…”