Sunday, January 30, 2011

Aphelion

"At a young age I realized an uncomfortable truth- that only I am important, that at the heart of it I care only for myself. I struggled with this fact for some time, trying to reason matters, trying to reconcile my thoughts and feelings.

I am indeed selfish, but what held me back, what made me feel that that was wrong? Surely not the popular notions of morality, which like all products of the masses must always be viewed with suspicion. No, instead it was an innate emotion, a raw feeling that by elevating myself to some loftier position I was inherently demeaning the value of friends, of family.

But after a while some things became apparent to my mind. Friends and family were indeed valuable, perhaps things to be cherished. But their value was not intrinsic, merely instrumental. A friend is valuable because he is my friend, not because he is a person. Anyone could be a person, but that fact is meaningless; they would be as unimportant to me as grains of sand on a distant beach."

"Madness. You are mad."

"Does it matter? I see and say things as there are. There is a massive hypocrisy being perpetuated, or perhaps Man does indeed believe in lies of their own construct. We are all egotists, are we not? There is no true altruism or charity. One gives because it grants one a fuzzy sense of warmth, of communion. Not that there is anything wrong with being an egotist, though, only that it is a meaningless charade to pretend otherwise."

"Sophistry. A person does something, therefore he fulfills his desire to do something, therefore he is an egotist. A tautology."

"Yes, it is indeed a tautology. But it is one that invokes stammering denials and outraged half-arguments. It is a statement that is such a threat to the common psyche, such a dissonant voice, that most people do all they can to oppose it. It is because very much of it is true, and they are trying not to contest its veracity, but to convince themselves that they are not egotists."