I first drove two hours North to test my will against myself. I was welcome among the strangers as I too had myself measured along side them although I was to fall very far short this day. I then drove three hours East to test myself again in a new place alone and unmeasured. I then drove further East to make photographs in a place I had been before, sweat a lot and plant two undeliverable yet direct gifts that may or may not be claimed. I emerged from this place in exhaustion only to find a King offering a short solace in water, food and good company in an oasis of green walls. I then drove South to enter a dark place I thought I could stare and also be welcome. I was to fall very short here too. So I drove West, to return to that place from which I started. I had raced through three cities this day, paced through this night and again found myself being measured only this last test was one without my knowledge. I failed it as well. This measure I received today I can say is accurate on all counts and all endeavors, I was measured at what I was, target for target and speed for speed.

– – –

To honor thy requests, it is only here I can confess.

It was in this place that I could hear the trains a coming. I did not even get low.

Those songs were so lovely but I fear I may be misunderstanding the words.

May 24th, 2010

36

“Virtue itself turns vice, being misapplied,
And vice sometime’s by action dignified.
Within the infant rind of this small flower
Poison hath residence, and medicine power;
For this, being smelt, with that part cheers each part;
Being tasted, slays all senses with the heart.” – aII, sIII

May 23rd, 2010

I Miss The Way You Called Me Mister

I Miss The Way You Called Me Mister & Showed Me Up Your Skirt | May 13, 2010

I Will Always Be A New York Knight

May 22nd, 2010

That Place Called There

May 12, 2010 | 7

4m 16s In That Place She Called There

– – –

“I do protest I never injur’d thee,
But love thee better than thou canst devise
Till thou shalt know the reason of my love;
And so good [sir], which name I tender
As dearly as mine own, be satisfied.” – aIII, sI

May 22nd, 2010

35

“O, she knew well
Thy love did read by rote and could not spell.
But come, young waverer, come, go with me,
In one respect I’ll thy assistant be;
For this alliance may so happy prove,
To turn your households’ rancour to pure love.” – aII, sIII

May 22nd, 2010

Out My Window

Chances Are, They Were Not Talking To One Another, I Cannot Say With Certainty

– – –

“And for that offence
Immediately we do exile him hence.
I have an interest in your hate’s proceeding,
My blood for your rude brawls doth lie a-bleeding;
But I’ll amerce you with so strong a fine
That you shall all repent the loss of mine.
I will be deaf to pleading and excuses;
Nor tears nor prayers shall purchase out abuses:
Therefore use none.” – aIII, sI

May 21st, 2010

Out Your Window

7/7/09 | Out Your Window I Last Saw That Gulf

The last you hear me, I said meet me at that gulf again. Do you remember what you said I wish I didn’t hear.

The last you hear me, I said I love. Do you remember what you said I wish I didn’t hear.

I try to not believe.

– – –

The word adore is not mine as per request nor large enough for my like of you and any part within. This like of mine is stronger then my red sword and stronger then my red muscle or these parts of mine combined into the one that I now am so close. My two ears are pointed to that sky, tethered to that ground and they listen for a yes to either of these two last you hear.

They do this without a stop, they do this without a blink and they do this full of more desire then you can handle, all day, all night, in between since the first moment I hear you and the last I hear you.

Baby. Now. Hear. Meet. Adore. Me. Love. Gulf. Like. Soon.

May 19th, 2010

My Honey Baby Wood

May 15, 2010 | x3 (6) | In 9m | Fear & Terror Are But False Transparencies | Before The Song Of Brothers

(Sung For Me Or Not For Me, I Don’t Know, It Seems So, 7 Days Ago)

– – –

The honey from my unmade babies

couldn’t fill the buckets

as fast

as that rain could fill my desire for

my honey to

fill you

every night.

Once my sunburn was enough heat baby,

I am burned,

still.

Baby, come as you were once where as I am,

still.

This is unlike the story it was written to be.

– – –

Your here claimed is not an open one. My here is ready this for, I need more.

I don’t wish myself a less than piece of a collection. Yes, just as you don’t, do you see you here hence my affection.

Where And What Am I, I Am Not Laughing | May 17, 2010 | Direct And After The Song Of Brothers

I Am King Edward, I Know You Know Where I Am, I Therefore Forever Listen

– – –

“These violent delights have violent ends
And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,
Which, as they kiss, consume. The sweetest honey
Is loathsome in his own deliciousness
And in the taste confounds the appetite.
Therefore love moderately: long love doth so;
Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow.” – aII, sIV

May 10th, 2010

swarm

swarm | 119 Hours

May 10th, 2010

The Minute Of My First Breath

May 9, 2010

Today In These Very Moments | Thirteen Thousand Five Hundred Fifteen Days Later

Today I tried to make things that hurt as beautiful as I could. Today I also did something I will never forget.

These two things were the opposite of one another.

May 10th, 2010

My Mother, After I Left Her

May 9, 2010 | Mother’s Day

This is my mother, 3 hours and 19 minutes shy of the moment I left her thirteen thousand five hundred fifteen days ago. Today I had brunch with her and I had dinner with her. I gave her the most recent set of my touchable photographs, I could think of nothing else. Then I made this one.

May 9th, 2010

One Minute Shy

May 7, 2010 | 8:14 PM

Today she turned six. She had been six just one minute shy of three hours when I made this photograph. For this day, her day, I bought her lawn darts, made her cry, took her photograph, held her upside down, bit her and knocked her down. I did most of this as she asked me to and then I promised to meet her bowling.

May 9th, 2010

A Triangle And A Bird

May 9, 2010

A Triangle And A Bird, Both In The Air, One Bird Near One Woman Walking Alone

May 9th, 2010

Dawn & Dusk Of May 9

May 9, 2010 | Come And Take It

At my dawn, my day started with a pole, I raised this flag straight up it. I had owned this flag only hours, the folds, the creases of this new were still etched in. I put it up in that rain and I watched in that sun. Each time I passed, all day long, I looked.

At my dusk, staring at a stage that had no pole, that was empty and that had no sounds of desire for anyone, I realized in minutes it was time to return, if only to lower this flag. This is exactly what I then did. I would fly this flag only hours and I would fly this flag only today.

May 9th, 2010

Fall

May 9th, 2010

Eight Rocks

May 9th, 2010

I Was Here Before Today Again

I Went To Where I As Told And I Waited, I Have Done This Before, 377 Days Ago

These Are All May 7, 2010

May 9th, 2010

Blue

I Can See Through Your Blue

May 9th, 2010

Olmos

May 7, 2010 | American 18/25, 22/25

I drive the long driveway, I drive the short road to this driveway, I drive them both slowly. When I make that one turn, I put the windows down and start looking. Any photograph I have made in Olmos, will make in Olmos, on these days, I do from the car. This is a part, an important part, this preshot routine of mine, this is a ritual of self imposed uninspired effort. I listen for that distant song each time those windows go down, I’ve never not heard it here but it’s not what brings me calling.

May 9th, 2010

Eight Rocks

May 7, 2010 | One Man Inflating A Tire Not Close To Eight Rocks In The Intersection | 29 DaysLater

May 9th, 2010

My Left Hand

If I ever reach out and touch you while I photograph you it is because in that moment, in that burst of light, in that measurable fraction of a second, you are the most beautiful stopping of time that I can create with tools I can also touch with these my own hands. It is us as me, it is us as you and it is us together. In this measurable fraction of time, you are my life, you define my love, you define my awe, you are my all that I am in this world. This is allowed, this is welcome or this would not exist. This act is not subtle.

Look at this photograph we made.

I made it with these my own hands for you and I made it with these my own hands for me.

If you’ve ever felt my left hand, you know this.

April 10, 2010

3h, 14m, 7s Shy Of 7 Days After A Photograph Of My Left Hand Unexpectedly Shattered A World That I Wanted

May 9th, 2010

My Right Hand

April 11, 2010 | 9:48:08 PM

May 9th, 2010

I Am AA

chart from one tournament, stand by stand, target by target, I am in yellow

May 7, 2006 – I Was D, Then I Was E, Then I was D, Then I was C, Then I Was B, Then I was A

As Of May 8, 2010 After 3 Small Tournaments In 7 Days, I Am AA | I am 15 Punches From Master

I have owned this camera bag almost 20 years. I use it tournament days to hold not cameras. I have not used it at all since months ago when I used it as a camera bag in La Grange, TX. This was today. 150 Winchester Super Sport™, 12g, 2 3/4in, 1350fps, 1oz, 8shot shells, 1 champagne cork, 1 map of Monument Hill, 1 photograph from the internet without a color I had so often seen and knew may soon change, 1 lens cloth, 1 sweat rag and random weeds, leaves, and other bits of nature’s wonderful debris from courses all around this country. I cannot bring myself to clean it out as it all seems likely to eventually just fall out without my wishing it to, no matter my desire to have all these things not ever vanish, its just how it is, no amount of my anything will make it stop.

It’s been this way since I bought it, time hasn’t changed anything.

May 9th, 2010

A White Star In A Red Circle

A White Star In A Red Circle | May 4, 2010 | 3 Minutes, 12 Seconds After I Looked At My Left Hand

May 8th, 2010

Two Days These

Two Days These, They Were The Same, 116 Days Apart, Nowhere Near The Other

January 9, 2010 | May 5, 2010 | Looking This Way And That

May 7th, 2010

Days These Two

Days These Two, They Were The Same, 372 Days Apart, Standing Feet Apart

May 5, 2010 | April 28, 2009 | San Marcos, TX | Looking South South East/Looking North North West

May 6th, 2010

These Two Days

These Two Days, They Were The Same, 108 Days Apart, Standing Feet Apart

May 4th, 2010

Middle Of The Day

Monday | May 3, 2010 | In The Middle Of The Day (3:28:35 PM)

I had been on a personal call, it was of the nature that I forgot to pay attention to where I was driving so I found the first safe exit and pulled off onto the side of the road, sitting there in some lost spot. I sat there not believing my ears, the world was in slow motion and when I say the world was in slow motion, I mean that I hated it and I could not stop anything I was hearing or saying. The very definition of this world, well, I had it so very wrong and this was now clear for the very first moment. The call ended. I had no idea where I was. So I called the subject of my next shoot, I called the magazine too. I took notes. I never moved my car. I made more calls and more calls and more calls. Nothing changed. I never moved my car.

I looked out the window to my right. This is what I saw. I still had not moved my car. I only now noticed. I was not surprised, not even a little. I put my window down, I made this photograph and put my window back up, I didn’t want that hurting heat getting in. I drove into the lot to turn my car around, this place seemed closed, this place seemed empty and this place seemed all hollow inside. This day I was less then just another customer, well, so it seemed. This day I was not welcome in, invited in or wanted in, well, so it seemed. This day, this place, it was not a place I had ever been inside or ever would be, well, this much I know.

This is not a happenstance, this is not a coincidence, this is not an Act. This is the land of my blood.

This is where I live. This is how Texas loves me.

May 3rd, 2010

Late Day, Late Night

Friday | April 30, 2010 | Late In The Day, Late In The Night

She took my hands and placed them where I did not know I was allowed to place them. How do they make their skin feel the way it does, there is no other feeling, or scent, quite like it. It lingers and when I say it lingers, I mean that I like it and that it feels nice. Nothing else about these moments I can say brings me joy, not even a little little bit. This fact I shared is also not worth walking in the door for. Yet there I am. I can make up reasons why, but tonight, well, would it make a difference… It was only a place to be that was not where I am, well, so I shortly pretended.