Sunday, August 1, 2010

Oh Mr. Morrison, You need some American history

Batman is stuck traveling through time trying to get back to his current timeline. I can accept that. Nobody is ever killed (unless you're Gwen Stacy), they just get sucked into time portals, other dimensions, or remain frozen for years. It's comics, we accept these things. One day, I will learn to accept that Norman Osborn has really come back and is not a skrull (But that Gwen Stacy boned him? No. Noooo, no, no).

But you know what I can't accept? Historic Inaccuracies. Yes, that needed to be capitalized. And yes, the fact that for some reason, there were prehistoric men wandering around North America really irritates me. But the worst of it was, by far, the latest: Return of Bruce Wayne #4.

OK Grant Morrison, I get it, you're Scottish, maybe you just think that in 1870's everyone is a cowboy. But let me paint a picture for you:

The year is some time in the late 19th century, almost the turn of the century. The East coast of America is an industerial powerhouse. There are railroads crisscrossing the land, factories filling the sky with smoke and soot, trolley lines dragging people all around town. People are experiencing elevators in new tall skyscrapers, electric lights twinkle and pop, Henry Ford is muttering something about a Model T. It is an amazing techincal age and the East Coast is on the cusp of experiencing it all. It looks like this:

So, can you tell me why, why, whyyyyyy is Gotham done up like some place out in the boonies of the midwest? This is Gotham. A city. A city which would not have a chanty town of clapboard and dirt roads, but of filthy tenants packed with imigrants and swarming with cholera. So, why is Gotham drawn up as some dang whiskey town outside of whatever terrible reservation Andrew Jackson created? Why does it look like this:

Oh, and what's with the apple tree?

Yes, of course, let's drop everything, make Gotham into Deadwood (brief pause: I love that show), and add in Jonah Hex, the guy with the septate hymen for a mouth who should gone and cut that piece off ages age (Seriously, you can't just take a pair of scissors to that shit? What happens when he yawns? Or wants to eat a hoagie?). Also, let's point out he is wearing his CONFEDERATE uniform. In a town that is clearly part of the NORTHERN states. Come on Mr. Morrison, let that one sink in for a bit....

This is BATMAN who lives in a city called GOTHAM. You had the chance to make an awesome Victorian Gothic story, but instead, you gave us cowboys with the names of Chuck, Lucky, and Bucky (honestly). I could have seen bustles and corsets and awesome cravets! But instead I get ten gallon hats and fucking saddle bags! I...you know what? I can't. I got to stop. Because this story, like drinking too much wine, is giving me a headache.

I think I'm just going to lie down here and read some Action Comics starring Lex Luthor..ahh, so much better....ha...Mr. Mind is adorable.