Tuesday, August 26, 2008

You are all aware of several instances in which senior officers, including myself, were trapped inside the holodeck and placed in mortal danger by holograms run amok. To correct these malfunctions, Mr. LaForge has downloaded the most recent HoloWindows patch. McWalbucksoft Corporation has promised that this latest upgrade will fix the problem. Even though this sort of thing has happened on multiple occasions in the past, I am certain that it will not happen again. So I decided to reopen the holodeck.

On a related note, please clean up the holodeck when you are done with it. I don’t know or care what you do in there, but Mr. LaForge has had to replace several holoemitters when they became sticky. Remember that when the holodeck is turned off, only the holograms disappear. Anything that you put on or inside of your holographic girlfriend, imzadi, moogie, or whatever you call her will still be there and will fall straight to the floor.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

I love playing Madden football. The game involves both strategy and skill, to the extent that good strategy can make up for bad skills and vice versa.

Today I finally beat Robert Fuller for the first time since the new version came out this month. He kept beating me so many times that I had to switch from playing with the Bears and started using the Patriots. Fuller, as always, plays with the Saints. In the game that we played yesterday, I threw to Randy Moss for two touchdowns, so he had to figure out how to cover him and shut him down.

By the fourth quarter, I’m up by three and I have the ball. I try to run out the clock, but I end up 3rd down, 11 yards to go, and there is still over a minute left on the clock. All Fuller needs is a field goal to take the game into OT, or a touchdown for the win. I really do not want him to get the ball back, because all it would take is for him to get lucky or me to screw up and he wins. So I try a play action pass, but he doesn’t fall for it and knocks the ball down.

But wait! The ref calls the Saints defense for roughing the passer. One of his AI controlled players had knocked Tom Brady over after he threw the ball. 15 yard penalty. Automatic 1st down. This had Fuller screaming at the TV. After a couple kneel downs, the game was over.

I played another online game against some newbie Dallas Cowboys fan. I beat this kid 28 to 21, but I should have beat him 34 to 7. He kept calling dime and quarter plays when it should have been obvious that I was trying to run out the clock. But he came closer to winning than he should have. After I scored a touchdown in the fourth quarter, putting me ahead 28 to 7, he wanted to quit. I told him that he still had time to catch up. After I kicked the ball off, he ran it all the way back for the touchdown. Then he tried for the onside kick. I recovered it, then sat on the ball.

28 to 21. I demand a rematch. With his play calling, that should have been a blowout.