My husband of 26 years just tested positive for HIV. I don't know what else to say. I'm struggling with so many emotions right now, I don't know which end is up. I sat there in the Dr's office and held his hand - I talked him through the shock and the fear, reassured him that with treatment we will have a long and happy life together - talked him in off the ledge. I want to know how this happened!!! He swears there's no infidelity - that it probably happened 14 years ago when he gave CPR to a gunshot victim without a barrier...I so want to believe him! The twist is - I am HCV positive - thankfully I tested negative for HIV - but this could have been so horrible for me! I so want to believe him - but right now I am numb. I can hardly bear to sleep next to him!! Could he really have been infected 14 years ago and just now having symptoms? We found out from a routine blood test that showed deplete platelette counts - please help me wrap my head around this!! I want to believe him, I want to love him - but right now I can't.

Dear Hoping and Praying,You have 26 wonderful years with this man? That's how you believe in him and love him. No, his story is not likely true. But maybe the truth isn't so bad, and maybe you can forgive. I know it is a shock but honesty will make you a stronger couple. Give him a chance to tell you what really happened. And take care of yourself. He's still the same person and so are you. Good luck to both of you.

There may be no way to know if your husband had sex or shared IV drug needles with someone else during your marriage. However, it is possible that he is telling you the truth. I was infected in 1983, met my husband in 84, and got diagnosed seven years later. But I didn't get sick until 24 years after I was infected. (Unusual, but it happens.) I think it would have been hard for him to believe I was faithful if I'd been diagnosed 23 years into our relationship, but it's the truth. HIV magnifies everything - the good and the bad - in a relationship, so I've always been grateful I was diagnosed before I got sick. May your magnified strengths help you both manage the magnified cracks. For what it's worth, in many ways HIV made our marriage stronger and 28 years after getting infected, with tremendous help from the meds I started a few years ago, life is good.

So, odd things can and do happen. They are considered rare but not unlikely.

You can best ask yourself, how you are doing, how has your marriage been, how is your relationship with yourself going, etc. Perhaps, therapy if you feel you need it, as I'm sure your husband needs it too, as well as your children.

As for the hiv itself, in treatment and with honest healthful living, one can do better then someone who has diabetes. I have friends with diabetes and I find it overwhelming how that disease is. I'm not saying hiv is better or worse, etc., I'm simply saying, once one gets pass the 'having hiv' and is dealing with it to ensure a healthful life, one can life okay, but with diabetes, it's a crap shoot even if you are taking care of your health.

So, know that hiv has been contracted by other means as related in the above two articles plus listen to your gut. As for sex, it must be with protection at all times. Your husband can get to undetectable levels in his blood, but the jury is still out with semen transmission although the transmission rate at undetectable levels is considered extremely rare. Then again, if true with how your husband contracted hiv, that is a rare event too. But, not impossible.

"hpngandpryng", one thing is certain, your husband now really needs YOU and he will benefit by having YOU for the rest of his and your lives, regardless of whether the truth is that he picked up the virus while being "unfaithful".

My advice is that you tell your husband that neither of you are going to discuss HOW he caught the virus, and that what should be important for the two of you is that he now HAS it and together the two of you are going to DEAL with it.

It's a bit like when a student acts inappropriately at school. The good teacher is not interested in WHY the student acted inappropriately. The good teacher is only concerned that the path ahead be a good one. So focus on that path ahead,"hpngandpryng".

--------------------Without a dream, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly. Keep hold of your dreams.

It is very possable to be infected for years and not know. HIV is slightly different in everyone. Some of us get sick quickly and for some it takes years, for me it took years, 14 years. So your husband is telling you the truth. In time you will learn that the "HOW" isnt that important. How you deal with this is what is important. Find a good infectious disease doctor and both of you can get treatment at the same time. There are some excellent medications for HIV now and researchers are moving closer to a cure everyday.Now go and give hubby a hug, hes telling you the truth! I wish you the best. M

HelloAfter reading your post I had to reply.I was diagnosed January 2009 with HIV and AIDS. At that point my partner and I had been together going on 20 years. The last test I had was in 1999 and I was negative. It was a total shock to me and my partner. He is negative and still is to this day. The diagnosis was not easy. Of course how did I get this being in a monogamous relationship was the big question. I swear I did not get this from sex. I had many surgeries and also allergy shots from 1999 to 2009. For months I tried to figure out how I got HIV. It finally got to the point where it just didn't matter. What mattered was that I had it and WE had to move forward. My partner has never questioned me and the day I found out he told me 'we will get through this together'. So far we have. I am not saying it has been easy. We love each other and plan on spending the rest of our lives together. That is what is important. Yes you will have many things change in your lives. Remember though what is really important and you can get through this. I started a blog the day I found out I was HIV. The link is below. You can go back to that day on the blog and go forward and see how this has been in my life. I even thought of killing myself. I am so glad to this day I did not. There is so much to live for.Good luck and feel free to write me email anytime. My email is posted on my blog.Dave

In one way it certainly is true that it doesn't matter how he was infected. On the other hand, if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't postpone getting tested for all STDs. Not just one time, but annually from this point forward. Nuff said. Best to you!

Hi - am in a similar situation - I have been in a relationship with my husband (of the last 6 years) for over 14 years now. He recently tested positive and its obvious he got infected post 2006 when we had both tested prior to our marriage. He is also insistent that he has not cheated on me. To complicate matters I have much experience in working with HIV and know that while infection is possible thru a number of routes, the sexual one is often the most common, at least in the country I live in.

I do get where u are coming from - its hard enough adjusting to knowing that someone you love so much is infected with a virus that has the potential to cause a lot of upheaval and pain in both lives. Added to that you are wondering if he was unfaithful and that itself opens a whole new can of worms - and would be painful in itself. The difference being that, was there no HIV to complicate the situation you would not fell guilty about having a major row and maybe even walking out the relationship. Now you not sure how to react!

The way am dealing with it is to say that there is a good probability he cheated on me - it hurts like crazy to think about it! But I know I cannot bring myself to leave him now anyway - it would hurt me more to leave him when he is so vulnerable than to stay and bury my doubts. Also there is the chance he is telling the truth so why make a bad situation worse?

So am choosing to stay and am focusing on a second option – it is possible he did not cheat and caught it from accidental transmission - I have a believable scenario (toojmuch identifying detail in it so not putting down on a public forum) I choose to believe the latter rather than stress on the former bcoz I love this man and intend to spend the rest of my life with him. And it helps me maintain my equilibrium. And just in case he is being honest...

It’s been almost a year since we found out – it’s been super hard coping – we are doing much better now, our relationship is stronger and closer than ever before – but I wonder if there will ever be a time when I can forget for a full 24 hours that my husband is positive and we could well be facing some very trying times in the future…

My husband and I have been married for 9 years, (together 14) and found out he is positive 2 years ago. I understand what you are going through - you have questions, you are numb, you are scared, you are mad. It is going to take time for you to srt through your emotions, and the most important thing you can do for your husband is be there for him - listen, go to his doctor appointments - he may not want you there, but it is important for you to understand this disease so that you can be there and support him. I'm here if you need me.

Thank you for posting this! There ARE those of us out there who got infected through irresponsible actions and mistakes of medical practitioners. What really hurts is when this has happened to you and people you are close to or people who hardly know you say that you are lying and that you did things that you did not, bringing this on yourself. Mistakes and misjudgements do happen in hospitals and clinics.

Please support your husband, and give him the benefit of the doubt. Search your heart; you have been with him a long time and probably know what type of guy he is. I know this is a hard time, but he does need you now. Think if the shoes were switched, and you had popped positive after never having been unfaithful - you would hope he would stand with you.

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