I Reject Your Appeal of My Rejection of Your, Uh, Rejection, Um… Where Was I?

A quick Friday story of why you just have to love the state of Oregon.

The governor of Oregon, seen here clearly not executing anyone.

Meet Governor John Kitzhaber. Governor, everyone. Everyone, the Governor. Now, Kitzhaber is a doctor with serious moral issues with the death penalty, which is still legal in Oregon (it’s been outlawed twice and made legal twice).

When he was governor last time, he saw through the execution of two prisoners – both of whom waived all appeals, and the only two executed since Oregon reinstated the death penalty in 1984 – because he felt it was his obligation as an elected official. Now, though, he has declared a moratorium on executions while he is governor. Not a pardon, or anything, but clemency while he is governor, on the grounds that the system is “compromised and inequitable.”

Now meet Gary Haugen. Not too close, though. Haugen is a convicted double-murderer, and one of a handful of people on Oregon’s death row. He has rejected the governor’s clemency and filed a court appeal demanding he be executed.

I’m serious.

Haugen says he wants to be executed in order to protest the criminal justice system. The courts have ruled that Haugen has the right to reject the governor’s clemency and insist on his execution.

So… the governor has appealed it. He’s going to court to appeal Haugen’s appeal to reject his clemency.

I don’t care how you feel about the death penalty – you have to love the whole thing a little bit.

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About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Blog in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

Yeah, we’re a hugely divided state with some questionable decisions. Actually, though, as far as Kitzhaber, he’s done some impressive things. He’s ornery and has called Oregon “ungovernable,” but he can be a crusader for education and medicine.

I feel like the best way to show my (staggering) approval of this post is to ‘like’ and ‘unlike’ it a few times, but I don’t want to concern you. You have more important things to worry about over there.

And I wonder how much money this debate is going to cost the state? Down economy? pshaw… A governor’s job is clearly to shove his moral philosophy down the people’s throat. Damn the cost! (“This is war, Peacock!”)

I’ve wondered the same exact thing (no, really). This is why I was transfixed by Elizabeth Warren’s speech at the Democratic Convention. I kept thinking, “Sarcasm? Is that sarcasm? Or just an adorable mannerism.” Rhetorical devices fascinate me. What were we talking about?

First, does the US Constitution have a clause or an amendment which defends the right of a person to request their own execution?

Second, B-Man is right; you couldn’t talk. The phrase “tongue in cheek” indicates an action taken to prevent from laughing out loud at a ridiculous statement, position or opinion. Refer to the following:

How litigious can you get? Everyone has rights, but you also have to follow the dictates of duly elected leaders. If you don’t agree with the laws of the state you are in – why not ask for a transfer to a state where execution is allowed, like Texas, instead of causing all this uproar & confusion? This is just an attention grab!

Couldn’t they just force them to watch The Life of David Gale together? Then say “hey guys, point made, movie…already made.” Then remind the convict he’s not being executed for fun, but because he earned it. And tell the Gov to stop his bellyachin’ and get on with it?