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Chris Hemsworth was chosen as People’s Sexiest Man Alive this year, and we can’t really argue with that. He’s tall, blonde and handsome. He’s Australian and he plays a freakin’ god in the Marvel universe. So yes, we are very satisfied. But that doesn’t mean we can’t get a head start on next year’s choice, and boy do we have suggestions!
1. Joe Manganiello
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Um. That body. Sofia Vergara knows what we’re talking about.
2. Chris Pratt
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Many believed he’d take the title this year, given the success of Guardians of the Galaxy (and his workout routine), but maybe next year is his year.
3. Ryan Gosling
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Even though he’s reportedly turned down the title before, we still think he’d make a great choice. He’s been making women swoon since The Notebook.
4. Michael Fassbender
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Have you seen Shame? ‘Nuff said.
5. Idris Elba
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We’ve yet to find one person who doesn’t find Idris Elba attractive. He needs more magazine covers, stat.
6. Jamie Dornan
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He’s about to play one of the sexiest book characters – Christian Grey. Depending on how well the movie is received (and we’re betting very well), he could definitely be a contender for the title.
7. Justin Timberlake
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It’s weird that Adam Levine has gotten the title, but not Justin. People should probably fix that.
8. Benedict Cumberbatch
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He’s already been dubbed the “Internet’s boyfriend,” so why not make the Cumberb*tches happy?
9. Kit Harrington
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Despite what’s been said on Game of Thrones, Jon Snow does know a thing or two. Like how to be all brooding and sexy.
10. Alexander Skarsgard
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We miss getting our fair share of Skarsgard nudity on True Blood, but we’d gladly settle for a nice Sexiest Man Alive photo spread of this Swedish hottie.
11. Jon Hamm
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Next year marks the last season of Mad Men, so it would be a fitting send-off to reward our favorite ad man with the honor of Sexiest Man Alive.
12. Michael B. Jordan
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We loved him in Friday Night Lights, he was fantastic in Fruitvale Station, and next year he'll be granted superhero status in The Fantastic Four reboot. Mark our words: He's gonna be huge.
13. Leonardo DiCaprio
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Much like the elusive Oscar, the title of Sexiest Man Alive has missed DiCaprio. If he’s not getting an Academy Award, at least give him this. He's not getting any younger!
14. Colin Farrell
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He's one of the sexiest, most underrated actors out there. He deserves some love.
15. Liam Hemsworth
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We’d be cool if People decided to keep it in the family next year.
Who would YOU choose? Tell us on Twitter!
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If you've heard of Cara Delevingne (and in 2014 who hasn't?) then you know she's a gorgeous, talented model with an extremely goofy side. She's been linked to some of the biggest stars around: Taylor Swift, Harry Styles, and Michelle Rodriguez, so it's no surprise that everyone knows her now. And we bet we're not the only people who wish we were also her friend.
1. For starters, her goofiness aside, she is ridiculously pretty and good at her job:
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2. She loves eyebrows and her eyebrows love her:
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3. A friend like that could teach you a lot about stepping up your own eyebrow game:
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4. She loves bacon. A LOT:
Seriously I NEEEEEDDD a bacon emoji x
— Cara Delevingne (@Caradelevingne) November 4, 2014
5. She makes modeling look really fun:
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6. Basically, her job is to look awesome and throw a dance party:
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7. Better yet, she would have a better dance party with her friends:
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8. She also manages to make these sunglasses look cool again:
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9. She shared whatever this is and it's incredible and now we want to make one with her:
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10. She RT this amazing tweet about herself:
Girls at school when it starts raining pic.twitter.com/AIbZpWEn9V
— ♚ (@ItsThingsInLife) October 13, 2014
11. She knows the best way to spend her time:
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12. Do we need anymore reasons...
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13. ...other than...
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14. ...this?
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15. While it's not at all whacky, she likes to kiss bunnies, and start charities for them:
Exclusive: @CaraDelevingne launches #Art4Animals campaign (and we LOVE it) http://t.co/dD9qQLbsir pic.twitter.com/Dx1yq8m4Ye
— Harper's Bazaar UK (@BazaarUK) November 11, 2014
We want in on this friendship, STAT.
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Bravo
This week's episode of Real Housewives of New York is all about communication, or lack thereof. Everyone is on the outs with Ramona Singer, a.k.a. Eyelander, last living original housewife. She left the Berkshires under the pretense of having a repressed memory episode of hysterics. Instead, she went to a party held by Molly Sims, who hadn’t been mentioned on television this much in years. Ramona is a big fan of communi-hating — it’s like communicating, except you just yell at people and don’t listen to what they have to say. She seems to have a screw loose. Even with the occasional pretense, everyone on New York seems authentic, without pushing for a “storyline.” Instead, they just seems to be acting like themselves.
Hung-over Yoga
Nothing tops off a night of binge-drinking better than early morning yoga. After drunkenly plotting revenge against Ramona, all the ladies are looking a little rough. Sonja Morgan, a.k.a. In-the-Red Sonja, Warrior of Booze, laughs as she has trouble doing yoga without passing wind. Meanwhile, Kristen Taekman is the only one who is halfway functional. Is it her youth or is her liver the most effective at removing toxins from her body?
LuAnn &amp; Carole: Sisters in Drag
Carole Radziwill is being photographed for a magazine. She is getting deluxe make-up contouring on her face which is pretty intense for a biological woman. She calls her pal LuAnn "Desperate" Lesseps to join her because she has a piece about manners she hasn’t written. Once again, a cool girl (Carole dated George Clooney) takes advantage of an outcast. Is it okay for a writer to take ideas from a fellow author? Also, she weirdly reads out her own by-line. Meanwhile, didn’t she get miffed when LuAnn asked her friend to borrow a dress? LuAnn and her boyfriend Jacques fix up Carole with actor Nick Gregory. You might remember him from… something? But sadly, Carole acts awkwardly and asks inappropriate questions embarrassing this attractive guy in a TV credit for his reel. She asks his age, tells him she’s going to play matchmaker, and then talks about him like he isn’t there.
The Ramona Coaster Off the Rails
Heather Thomson masterminds a confrontation with Ramona. This is after taking a second to randomly grab Kristen’s son’s ice cream cone to take a lick. The girls decide to sit in a circular table to keep Ramona from escaping. LuAnn, well versed in Passive Aggressive English, broaches the topic heavy-handedly. Everyone starts yelling at once in a cacophony of wailing. No, they are not trying to lure the Hydra from his lair, they just want Ramona to understand she’s rude. But Ramona has been rewarded for rudeness since her first day on television. In the end, Sonja is making no sense and Carole is making genius barbs under her breath.
Kristen vs. Her Husband Josh
Kristen and Josh Taekman get into a passive aggressive fight during their daughter Kingsley’s physical therapy. The sad part is that they clearly don’t listen to each other. Their daughter is struggling with an inability to walk and they are fighting in front of the woman trying to help her. Little do they know, their physical therapist had to hug her cat Kitty Ruxpin all night while swearing off all men just to get to sleep. Josh is insensitive by taking calls and emails the whole time. Kristen, meanwhile, is needlessly aggressive in front of a stranger, and all of America. She also doesn’t understand the demands of his job. They need a mediator, stat.
Ramona vs. Kristen: Round Deux
Ramona is suddenly repentant about what happened with Kristen… to everyone but Kristen. She has a work out complete with a bottle of wine. Her husband, Mario Singer shows up to discuss the drama. Do they not realize this seems so staged? She invites Kristen to tea to apologize. However, Kristen is justifiably angry. Not pressing charges or fighting back left Kristen with some displaced anger. She’s wants an answer for “Why?” Ramona seems subdued and not as hopped up as she normally is. Kristen asks Ramona if it’s an alcohol or anger management issue. These strike a nerve and Ramona tries to make an exit. Then, like no one before her, Kristen points out how crazy Ramona acts and how she’s always in a rush.
Real Houselines of New York
"Oh God! Her face is banged up." – Sonja upon seeing LuAnn in the morning
"I had a leash on and you were whipping me last night." – Sonja possibly reporting what happened
"I don’t want to be cut. I’d rather be cut with my body than cut with a knife." – Ramona unaware there’s other choices
"I chose to sit to the right of Ramona because I’m like a linebacker from the 49ers. There was no way she was getting up." – LuAnn about her size?
"Who gives a s**t about Molly Sims?" – Ramona
"You need as Swiss team of doctors." – Carole on Ramona’s therapy needs
"To a woman who wrote The Widow’s Guide to Sex &amp; Dating. You’d think she’d be better at this." – LuAnn on Carole

FOX
This week on Bob's Burgers, Linda goes to her 25th high school reunion with hopes of avenging her terrible garage band, the "Ta-Tas" after being humilated at the senior talent show... only to once again be showed up by "Bad Hair Day," the good local garage band that actually won the talent show and went on to rock stardom. Along the way, adolescent anxieties arise, from Linda's insecurity to Bob's enormous pimple. But, in the end, reuniting with the band (and especially her sister, Gail, whose songs were always too weird in high school but are perfect mournful ballads for a group of disillusioned 40-somethings) is enough for Linda to have a great time.
And according to the "Ta-Ta's" closing song, apparently there are exactly five sexy parts, and you run an average of ruining one per child. While dealing with that sobering truth, enjoy the funniest character moments from "Purple Rain-Union":
Bob: Bob only agrees to go to the reunion if he can stop and buy some concealer for his giant zit on the way there. "You're all out. I used a lot." But of course, once he gets there all is well because the group of "cool" kids all happened to go into skin care.
Linda: Linda manages to convince herself into going to the reunion by how good her singing is in the shower. "Nobody sounds good in the shower!" and then doubles down on her confidence in a fantasy sequence where everyone admits they were wrong 25 years ago. "They were all idiots." But that's just the tip of the iceberg as Linda has a great showcase for her perverted self image: both over and under confident.
Tina: Tina rarely gets aggressive, but one of her favorite pastimes is babysitting her younger siblings (it brings out her "fun" side). So when that's threatened by a real babysitter, the claws come out, and each barbed comment is followed with a whispered "I'm mocking you."
Gene: Gene just really wants to eat Chunky Shim-Sham generic brand cookies and throw up wherever he pleases. Even if that place is Bob and Linda's bed... again. And his best line, in reference to Gail's hunky Greek god crush: "At least he isn't a Roman god. Those guys were jerks!"
Louise: Louise has been kept at the fringes for too long, and she's clearly going even more insane. Her plan to give everyone black eyes after Jen the babysitter accidentally punches Tina makes absolutely no sense. We need another Louise episode stat to find out what's going on in that head of hers.
Guest Star MVP: Jen, one of the most boring ancillary characters, comes to life this episode with her extreme ticklishness, accidental punch, and her inspirational speech: "Your band is probably bad. But I don't let it bother me that I'm a bad babysitter. I have no chemistry with children, I don't know how to use a mick-rowave, I don't know what bathtime means, but I do it because I love it."
Recurring Gags: Linda's love of drinking leads her to ban the kids from the reuinion. "It's rated R for Really Boozy. Starring me!" In the opening credits, props to "Betty's Machetes" for fitting into tonight's girl-power theme, but something about the broken syntax of "If You Give a Mouse a Poison" is gold. And where most shows would probably make Gail's song amazing enough to bring the house down, we take pleasure in its creepiness.
Overall Assessment: It's more of a messy "Ta-Ta's" than a polished "Bad Hair Day," but still a loveable episode.
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ABC/Getty
It's tough to be an actress in Hollywood. The pressure to maintain the perfect look and body can be overwhelming. Not to mention, all the other random free radicals that result in some actresses getting cast in television shows or movies over others. That being said, there's still a little magic involved in joining the cast of a series. Some television series might have the perfect cast and last for over 10 seasons or they could be cancelled after a few episodes. Here are a few actresses who seem to be the Typhoid Marys of their respective series.
Lindsay Price
She’s sexy, effervescent, and a more than decent actress. And yet, she’s been attached to so many failed series. She starred in the ill-fated American remake of the hit Britcom Coupling, Rebecca Romijn’s failed hour-long dramedy about a newscaster Pepper Dennis, and a remake of the film The Witches of Eastwick, Eastwick. She also starred with Brooke Shields in the Candace Bushnell Sex and the City follow up Lipstick Jungle as a character named Victory Ford. No joke! She also starred in a multiple episode arc of Jack &amp; Jill.
Sarah Paulson
Did someone say Jack &amp; Jill? Before starring on the wildly popular American Horror Story Paulson starred in multiple failed series including slumming it in the ill-fated WB series with Ivan Sergei and Amanda Peet. Not only was she a series regular on that train wreck, she also starred in a few amazing, yet prematurely canceled, series. American Gothic was an addictive supernatural series about a town full of secrets where Paulson played a mentally challenged girl that died and came back as a vengeful spirit. She also starred in Rob Thomas’ follow up to Veronica Mars, Cupid starring Bobby Cannavale. It was a charming little series about a romance expert meeting the disempowered Greek god. It featured the return to television of Emmy nominee Anna Chlumsky. She was also lead actress on the critically acclaimed Saturday Night Live satire Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Does this mean the magic of The Supreme is keeping American Horror Story on the air?
Jessica Lucas
Lucas starred on the ABC teen drama Life As We Know It. Despite her stunning good looks, she has had a long run of starring in failed series. She played an irritating fiancé on the remake of Melrose Place. She was in the series Friends with Benefits starring the hilarious and dreamy Ryan Hansen which didn't seem to even make it on the air. She was also on the equally obscure CW series Cult. Sadly, Lucas has had equally unfortunate movie roles with films like The Covenant, Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son, and the Amanda Bynes/Channing Tatum classic, She’s The Man. Could this curse have been the cause of Bynes’ insanity?
Autumn Reeser
Reeser needs an exorcism, stat! She is the perfect blend of girl-next-door, sunshine, and sex appeal. She steals every scene she is in and can deliver both comedy and drama. However, she has had a string of cursed roles. When her deliciously irritating character Taylor Townsend was upgraded to series regular on The OC, it was quickly canceled. She went on to play The Oracle of Delphi in a modern retake on the Aphrodite myth with super sexy Jaime Murray leading Greek gods in trying to bring love to mortals. She was the only good part of the misguided superhero family dramedy No Ordinary Family. She most recently starred in the quickly cancelled military drama Last Resort with Scott Speedman.
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The CW
The Tomorrow People has some amazing action sequences and really great super-powers. It has more of an edge than supernatural shows like Charmed or The Vampire Diaries. And yet, it doesn’t have the same resonance as Vampire Diaries or even The Carrie Diaries. One problem is the main cast is a crew of sexy robots. The series is lucky because there is a lower ratings threshold to stay on the air, but, can the show make the important changes to actually build a following?
Here are some helpful changes the series can make to improve their following.
More Actors
Veronica Mars star Jason Dohring and Carly Pope are some great guest stars. Shameless star Laura Wiggins would also be a great addition to the regular cast as nerdy Irene. The three leads are super hot but the show needs more compelling actors. Robbie Amell, Peyton List, and Luke Mitchell would be just as interesting standing around in their underwear saying nothing. Unlike Nina Dobrev, Paul Wesley, and Ian Somerhalder they are all sizzle and no steak. It’s sad that they recently killed off Ultra agent Darcy (Meta Golding) because she was proving to be an interesting character.
Celebrity Cameos
It’s great that The CW likes to cast new actors and make their own celebrities. However, science-fiction fans have tons of cult-favorite actors that aren’t working right now. Heroes capitalized on Star Trek fandom by casting actors like George Takei and Nichelle Nichols. Why not cast actors from cult faves like The 4400, Firefly, or even Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Play Up The Double Agent Angle...Intelligently
Part of the appeal of the pilot was that it promised an Alias-style tension as high school student Stephen (Amell) does double duty as secret agent and second coming to the underground community of Tomorrow People. However, Stephen keeps getting caught and a blind person could see that he’s not to be trusted. It would be great if Stephen was actually at risk of getting caught.
More Sex
Stephen and Cara (List) finally consummating their flirtation is nice because it added much needed tension to the show. It was clear to everyone that they were going to knock boots so why not just cut to the chase already.
Don’t Save Mysteries for Later
So far we don’t know much about The Tomorrow People or their history. Waiting too long to reveal secrets might be a little risky. Let’s face it there might not be more than one season so why not just put the pedal to the metal and actually have some super-powered fun.
Inject Some Humor, Stat
The series needs a little levity and humor. It’s enough to suspend belief that people can have super powers or that a teenager can be a secret agent. However, it’s impossible to believe that a bunch of people with no sense of humor could end up on television. The series could afford to be a little more tongue-in-cheek and stop taking itself so seriously.
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Country music star Leann Rimes' Labor Day holiday was marred by a trip to a doctor's office after she fell ill with a virus in her ear. The Blue singer had hoped to be enjoying the U.S. holiday on Monday (02Sep13) relaxing with her family, but instead she had to visit her doctor for an injection when the pain in her inner ear became too much to bear.
Rimes took to her Twitter.com page to complain about her symptoms, telling followers the throbbing was so bad, it was making her vision blurry.
She also tweeted, "You know you're sick when you end up in the doctors office on Labor Day asking for a shot. I hate shots... I have a virus in my ear... This chick needs a couch & a blanket stat!"

It may be the most famous scene in Western literature: Romeo’s declaration of love beneath Juliet’s balcony. So how do you stage it without words? If you stage it as a dance how do you deal with the separation of the two lovers? Sir Kenneth MacMillan provided an easy answer in his choreography for Sergei Prokofiev’s Romeo and Juliet. You get Juliet off that balcony and down on terra firma for a pas de deux with Romeo stat. The challenge is that the dancers’ physicality has to be as good as Shakespeare’s words.
Cory Stearns and Gillian Murphy of the American Ballet Theatre meet MacMillan’s challenge as the star-crossed title characters in a new production of Prokofiev’s ballet playing at Lincoln Center through June 15. But they’re lucky. They have the support of the spare-no-expenses American Ballet Theatre ethos. It’s resulted in another sumptuous, soaring ballet.
ABT’s Romeo and Juliet opens on the marketplace of Verona. There’s a wooden stairway, several stalls for vendors, some hay scattered about, all the little organic details the company likes to establish for complete immersion. The marketplace slowly comes alive as the baker arrives, then the blacksmith, then the fishmonger. This is a living space, perfect for MacMillan’s unfussy, down-to-earth choreographic style. He even integrates some elements of northern Italian folkdance into the traditional ballet when he has a group of wheat-toting women perform light clogging. Before you know it, the entire marketplace has erupted in violence with Montagues dueling Capulets via some fierce swordplay.
MacMillan’s democratic style meant populating his stage with a multitude of elements at once and encouraging you to scan about and perceive as many details as possible. That means any of the background peasants get as much attention as Tybalt and Mercutio. Only Romeo and Juliet themselves get the spotlight. As Romeo, Cory Stearns, who’s only been a principal at ABT for two years, is athletic and engaging. The Long Island native is more streamlined than muscular, perfect for capturing a youth in the throes of his first true passion. And Gillian Murphy, a South Carolina prodigy who’s been a principal for eleven years, is appropriately willowy and ethereal.
In bringing life to their characters, Stearns and Murphy are supported by Prokofiev’s propulsive 1935 score, conducted here by Charles Barker. The Russian modernist was a master of narrativizing music, and he’s best known today for teasing out the full drama of his works by assigning themes to each of his characters. One of his most famous pieces, Peter and the Wolf, goes so far as to designate a specific instrument for each animal in the story. Something similar happens here, with flutes corresponding to Juliet and strings to Romeo. But overall, Romeo and Juliet is one of Prokofiev’s looser compositions. In conjunction with MacMillan’s choreography it’s a ballet that exists on the opposite pole from, say, Prokofiev’s score for the film Alexander Nevsky, in which the music is perfectly synchronized with the images — a vision of determinism reflecting a time in which free will seemed unattainable in Russian society.
The one time you feel that level of control in Romeo and Juliet is, of course, the famous “Dance of the Knights,” a brooding, violent piece in which the Montagues and Capulets march with militaristic menace. MacMillan places the two camps in strictly regimented formation as if the Montagues and Capulets are extras in Triumph of the Will. It’s easy to imagine that Prokofiev, living at the height of Stalin’s “show trials” and with the Nazis about ready to march across Europe, might have likened the Montagues and Capulets’ culture of violence to ‘30s fascism. Not traditional romantic music, Prokofiev’s composition seems to underline the lovers’ break from tradition more than their sensual longing. It shows that Romeo and Juliet truly is timeless, because it can be so easily modified to fit the priorities of the time in which it’s retold.
Follow Christian Blauvelt on Twitter @Ctblauvelt | Follow Hollywood.com on Twitter @Hollywood_com

Emmy award-winning comedian Sara Schaefer, host of MTV's late show Nikki &amp; Sara Live, will be blogging The Bachelorette for Hollywood.com all season long.
If you're like me, you've been watching The Bachelor/Bachelorette since the beginning. You can't tear yourself away season after season because, like they tell us in school, it only takes one time to become addicted to cocaine. In this scenario, of course, cocaine is the word "journey," and according to last night's premiere of The Bachelorette, this season is gonna be some gooooood s**t. Sean's fourth-place girlfriend Desiree Hartsock is going to be handing out roses this year and there are so many things to discuss I have decided to organize them in list form. (I wanted to do a PowerPoint but my editor tells me that won't work.)
10 Things I'm Looking Forward To On This Season of The Bachelorette
1. Man Tears
According to the previews, in addition to some sexy, sexy fist fights, these guys are gonna cry some sweet, sweet man tears! And if they don't produce full-on tears, they will put their heads down and rub their eyes and forehead to show how emotional this is. The heart? It shall be wrenched.
2. Remembering Jonathan's Love Tank
His time at the Bachelor mansion was short-lived, but Jonathan will stay vivid in my memories this season. This guy gets out of the limo and immediately asks Desiree to go to the fantasy suite. What fantasy suite? Aren't those usually located on a resort in the tropics? Anyway, she declines, but Jonathan won't be deterred. He repeatedly tries to get Desiree to go into this makeshift f**k room he's set up. And he keeps talking about how his "love tank has not been depleted for years" and that his mom thinks he's attractive. Hahahaha — that's normal! He doesn't want to wear Desiree's skin as a bathrobe, at all. Hahahahaha...
Finally, Desiree makes him leave before even going to the rose ceremony — but that doesn't mean Jonathan will soon be forgotten. I'm sure we'll hear from him soon... when he gets arrested for "depleting his love tank" on an unsuspecting woman at the mall.
3. Hashtag Douchebag
Kasey is a self-proclaimed "social media expert." But how can we be sure? Because he's constantly using the word "hashtag," naturally and organically during conversation! Examples from last night: "Hashtag I want a rose!" "Hashtag fantasy suite fail!"
Cool catchphrase, bro. Hashtag not. Hashtag good luck with that. Hashtag pack your bags. Hashtag okay, now I'm doing it. Hashtag sorry. Hashtag let's move on.
4. Finding Out What a "Drilling Fluid Engineer" Does, Other Than Go Topless
Zack, or as I like to call him, "the rich man's Situation," arrives topless to the mansion. He's got abs and Desiree is impressed when he strips down to his briefs and jumps in the pool. Meanwhile, I am just really curious as to what a "drilling fluid engineer" does. Sounds highly sexual. I mean complicated. What? Hi.
5. The Part When Desiree Realizes Ben Is a Weirdo for Using His Cute Son to Impress Her
Um, how AMAZING would it have been if right after that tiny kid got out of the limo, Chris Hansen stepped in and revealed that we were just watching a really elaborate episode of Dateline NBC's "To Catch a Predator"? No? OK. Well, regardless, even though Desiree seemed to love that Ben brought his son, I found it highly suspicious. I imagine Ben whispering into his son's ear before they got out, "Do NOT f**k this up for Daddy, you hear me?" And what was that explanation about the kid's mother — that they were just friends who had a baby? Hmmmm. That sounds like BS. And according to the preview, Ben seems to cause a lot of trouble in the house so let's just SEE.
6. Desiree's Emotional Journey
We know that Desiree is open to finding love. How do we know this? Because of a seven-outfit montage of her roller-skating, walking under a pier, sitting on the beach, and holding onto a railing while staring into the distance. We now know she's ready to share her life with someone. And it won't be easy. It will involve a lot of tears. And in the preview, we see that some MAJOR S**T is going to go down — there's one shot of her curled up in a ball crying, saying, "This is the worst possible scenario." Worst possible scenario? OMG JUAN PABLO GOT HER PREGNANT! Oh wait, no, oops, sorry — I forgot this is The Bachelorette, and the "worst possible scenario" usually involves one of the guys admitting he has a girlfriend back home or that he's only in it for the fame. THE TERROR!!! But according to all the french kissing they show, I am guessing she gets back on her feet in no time. I just can't wait for her brother to beat the piss out of whoever makes it to the end!
7. Finding Out Whose Girlfriend Shows Up
Awwwwww yeah! A girlfriend from the outside world shows up this season!!! HELL YES. That's some primo Bachelorette drama right there. I'd like to thank the producers in advance for their crack team of investigators for uncovering this one.
8. The Triumphant Return of Diogo
Diogo was ROBBED!!!! He showed up in a SUIT OF ARMOR for chrissake. Do you know how heavy that is? He put it all on the line for you, Desiree, and you just threw it all away. I really hope they find a way to bring Diogo back. If not, I'm thinking he's the next Bachelor??!!!? No? Oh well. Poor Diogo. We will remember you for the next few hours.
9. Finding Out Who Did That Bizarre Dance
Can someone please tell me — who was the guy we saw doing that insanely weird dance (it looked like a combo of Elvis and an '80s new wave move)? I couldn't see his face and I must know his identity in order to continue on this season. And I need a GIF of that STAT.
10. The Candlescaping
I have to say, whoever is doing this year's candlescaping on the show is doing a top notch job. Never before have I seen such beautiful arrangements of candles in and throughout the Bachelor compound. The mood has been set perfectly for the men to become vulnerable, open themselves to love, find out who is here for the right reasons, declare they're not here to make friends, borrow Desiree for a moment, and ultimately, fall in love and spend the rest of their lives with this woman. THE MOOD HAS BEEN SET!
Tune into The Bachelorette every Monday night at 8/7c on ABC and check Hollywood.com on Tuesdays for Sara Schaefer's reactions to the madness.
Sara Schaefer is a critically acclaimed stand up comedian, writer, and producer based in New York City. She is the co-host of MTV’s late night show Nikki &amp; Sara Live. She won two Emmy awards for her work as the Head Blogger for Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, and has written for BestWeekEver.tv and Who Wants to Be A Millionaire. Sara has appeared on Comedy Central, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Best Week Ever, FX, E!, Fuse, and AOL. She also has a popular podcast You Had To Be There with her MTV co-host Nikki Glaser.
Follow Sara on Twitter @saraschaefer1 | Follow Hollywood.com on Twitter @Hollywood_com
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Have you ever heard of hirudotherapy? It was this thing old medical practitioners used to do with leeches. Bloodletting. Anyway, tonight might've been Saturday Night Live's way of getting some old blood out of the way in favor of the new. Not that it was bad blood, just blood that needed to move on. The series often goes through periods of quality-level fluxuation, and necessary change has been a long time coming. Saturday night's finale episode of SNL marked the changing of the guard. Many of the show's current stalwarts are taking their final bows in 8H — Bill Hader, Fred Armisen, and (we're fairly certain) Jason Sudeikis — and to top it off, Seth Meyers is set to leave mid-season 39 for the Late Night desk. Times, they are a-changing. The 39th season sounds sure to bring many changes to the NBC sketch show.
Host Ben Affleck joined the Five Timers' Club with far less pomp and circumstance than recent inductee Justin Timberlake, and spent the majority of his monologue making a terrible joke about how marriages are hard. Har har har, right, wife/actress Jennifer Garner? The banter between the two winced its way to the finish line and mostly just made me feel like I should start calling him Grandpa Ben.
Because, man, grandpa humor was the name of the game tonight for a majority of the sketches. There were several sketches surrounding gay people (with varying levels of success as far as comedy goes). A video sketch "Xanax for Gay Summer Weddings" was a laugh, but Grandpa Ben was in full, cringeworthy glory during the "New Beginnings" camp sketch. Sure, we got that the point was admirable and a good premise for the ha-has (Look at how ridiculous those people who think you can convert gay people are!), but ultimately it fell flat with how one dimensionally (read: unfunnily) it played out. Its redeeming qualities were in short supply.
We'll tell you someone who's cup had runneth over Saturday: the mustache budget. Seriously: 'staches were in high demand for nearly any sketch Affleck seemed to be in. Slap on a bit o' them face hairs, Sally, and watch the funny fly!
"Weekend Update" proved to be a comedic sure thing of the night, even if it was a bit tired overall. Which was surprising, considering the show had to bid farewell to Stefon (Stefooooooooooon! Noooooooooo!) AND had the pleasure of Amy Poehler's company. Lord, I love a two-person "Update" desk. I do. I actually clapped and yelled "yay!" aloud in my room when I saw Amy — one of my favorite funny heroines — return to the desk that made me fall in like with her. And while the "Really?!?! With Seth and Amy" bit was not at all as punchy as once was (Again with these stale jokes! So many jokes tasted like communion wafers and those things are the worst), it ultimately didn't matter because Amy stayed for the rest of the segment! Hooray! Any time I can bask her hilarious glow, I'm game.
And without her, Seth might not have run after Stefon, resulting in the pay-off to what was perhaps the worst Stefon bit, ever. (I really wanted to like it, too! But it really just wasn't that funny.) It didn't matter though, because what came next was magical Stefon left "Weekend Update" to marry Anderson Cooper. And Seth, realizing that he loved Stefon, ran after him. Risking life and limb to the infamous AC360-spinkick? That love is true, y'all.
It was the perfect way to honor and send-off a character. At the nuptials there were dozens of Stefon's club friends (DJ Baby Bok Choy to the rescue!), past characters from Stefon segments, and Affleck himself (who appeared in the original Stefon sketch as his brother)! Ultimately, Stefon ran off into the sunset of studio 8H with Seth, where the happy couple were cheered on by several recurring "Weekend Update" characters. It was really quite lovely. I'll suffocate you in the folds of one of the Furkels. ...That's Fat Urkels. And you know what they say about those guys: "After you’ve been with one of those guys, you’ll ask yourself 'Did I do thaaaat?'"
The real clunkers of the night were the painful Funeral of Greg Pulino, and the Engagement Picnic sketch, which I will spare you the trouble of having to endure in printed word. Kate McKinnon once again proved that her physical comedy prowess is the thing to beat during her scene-saving moments during "Primadonna." The sketch was fine, I got what they were going for.
But the highlight sketch-wise was the return of the former pornstar/current aspiring salesgals duo that is Vanessa Bayer and Cecily Strong in the Hermés Handbags bit. Yeah, I know the sketch is a tad formulaic, but it's a damn good formula that makes me laugh every time. It surprises me how strong the recurring sketch is, but I'm into it: let them sell all of the things!
Kanye West debuted some new songs, and some very aggressive staging for two of his new songs: the pithily-named "Black Skinhead" and "New "Slaves." Well, Ye, tell us how you're really feeling these days, eh? That said, the production on the songs is amazing, but I kept wanting to apologize to Kanye for making him mad? Please don't yell at me, Kanye! I want to watch your little performance piece. Look, I even caught the Lou Reed stuff! But honestly, production value aside, I can't imagine any radio station's going to have an easy time playing these tunes. No wonder his new album is going to be titled Yeezus — you'd have to be.
Rounding out the evening was a performance by Ian Rubbish (a.k.a. Fred Armisen)'s band "The Bizarros," featuring all the leaving lads, and Taran Killam. A bevy of performers showed up, including Fred's Portlandia co-star Carrie Brownstein, Kim Gordon, Aimee Mann, Steve Jones: basically, it was impressive. And that's just the people I could name on sight! Adios, dear Fred. It was thoughtful and clearly meaningful to him — and a nice way of officially confirming his own departure. The tears at the end of the episode were hard-won for these three men who've spent so many years with Lorne Michaels' merry band of comedy misfits. The show will be very much changed without them.
Now, someone get me Lorne's number because someone needs to tell him to put SNL writer John Mulaney on that Weekend Update desk, stat!
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