It is not surprising that communication leads to rewarding personal relationships and career success. It encourages the resolution of difficult issues, identifies common goals and desires, and fosters feedback that opens relationships. Boosting communication skills can enhance all aspects of your life since the way you express and assert yourself can be key to building strong relationships. After taking a good look at your current relationships both in business and at home, determine whether you might benefit from boosting communication skills in your life.

Imagine that you have planned and prepared a romantic meal for two. There is fine wine, fresh garden greens, his favorite cut of steak, and your new dress to make the evening memorable. You look around and realize that everything is perfect. By five o’clock, your partner drags through the door looking like has barely survived a tornado. Without a glance at your new dress he heads for the shower and hollers behind him down the hall that he has already eaten. You are standing there with corkscrew in hand wondering what to say.

You have two choices. You can accept defeat and let the disappointment fester inside you until one day you burst and getting into a yelling match, or you can communicate with your partner about the situation when he gets out of the shower. The problem many face in this situation is allowing the anger and disappointment to take over and ruin an otherwise great evening. Before this happens to you, read these ten tips on boosting communication skills and see if it can help.

Be Clear

It is important that you are very clear about your emotions, expectations, goals, and problems. It serves absolutely no purpose to begin a discussion in which you have specific criteria in mind but fail to communicate it to the other party. You cannot effectively establish your position in any situation if you cannot express yourself clearly to another.

When you find yourself in a conflict or misunderstanding, be as clear as possible about what you find the problem to be and how you intend to reach a positive outcome. After taking a deep breath, refrain from being reactive and choose to be proactive by moving your inner dialogue to the outside world in a constructive manner. For example, using the above example of a disappointing dinner date, you could say to your partner, “I would really appreciate it if you could sit with me over the meal tonight. I love you and worked hard to make this happen.” If you allow crumbling situations to slide, you are doing a disservice to yourself and the other person involved.

Maintain a Positive Attitude

When you approach a situation with a negative attitude, the results are unlikely to be productive. Good communicators approach conversations with a positive frame of mind and are effective at conveying thoughts and ideas in a friendly and optimistic manner. Boosting communication skills involves focusing on solutions, not problems. Furthermore, positive attitudes are infectious. If you begin a conversation in a polite and positive way, people will typically respond to that enthusiasm with like mannerisms.

Get to the Point

Stop beating around the bush in conversations. Effective communication skills require that you state the problem. If you desire a specific outcome or are struggling with a problem, you must state what the problem is. How else are people to know if you don’t tell them? You cannot expect someone to take responsibility for a situation that you did not clearly spell out. It is best to avoid assuming that people understand you, or that they will “get it” at some point. Just say it as it is, and you will find people responding one way or another. In both personal and professional relationships, the worse someone can say is no. Boosting communication skills involves not being scared of someone else’s answer. Even if it is not what you want to hear, at least you now know where they stand.

Be a Good Listener

Good communication skills demands one to also be a good listener. If you are the type of person who is dominant in every situation, always talking and rarely listening, it is likely not many will consider you to be an effective communicator. If you really want others to listen to you and not wait impatiently for you to stop controlling the situation, then you also need to practice being a good listener.

You may not even be aware that you do this. Try to self-monitor your behavior and attitude at home, on the job, and in social situations. Do you display consistent communication skills in all locations?

Or do you tend to be a better listener at work then you are at home? Take note of the differences and try to determine the reason why there may be inconsistency. Boosting communication skills involves just as much listening as it does talking. To be effective in all areas of your life others need to know that you are willing to listen to what they have to say too.

Be Willing to Compromise

You cannot always have it your way. Life is about the choices you make and how flexible you are in meeting other people half way. When you are too rigid, people may start to move away from you for fear that they cannot express themselves in the way most comfortable for them. Failing to compromise is a serious communication flaw because no one will want to communicate with someone who really does not listen carefully or is willing to bend a bit.

Demonstrate Confidence

Strong communicators, those who get their message across with positive results, will typically demonstrate confidence. This type of person is not shy or reserved, which can lead to awkward communication or failure to get what they want. Boosting your communication skills involves improving you confidence when you speak to others. People want to feel comfortable listening to you and not be turned away by insecurity. If your confidence is false, people will soon catch on, so try to be comfortable being yourself when you speak and work on creating enthusiasm and energy in your voice one step at a time.

Don’t Be Afraid to Be Assertive

When you really feel passionate about something, you need to be assertive. Good communication relies on proper verbal skills. If you appear only semi-committed to what you are discussing, no one else will feel committed. Let others know through your tone, actions, and words that you are able to back up your words if you need to. Avoid backing away from questions because that could demonstrate a lack of knowledge. If you don not know an answer to someone’s question you can tell them that you will find out and let them know later. If you do not feel comfortable with a certain question, you can always state that. Either way, give someone an answer and keep it simple.

Open Communication

Unless you want to continually build up the dam of negative emotions, it is always best to discuss what is on your mind with someone if the thoughts are worrisome. For example, a disagreement with your spouse can create enormous tension if left unresolved. While boosting your communication skills, you can work on immediate communication to avoid having negative matters fester. Of course if you are unable to find resolve after some time, it might be best to walk away and come back to it later.

I versus You

Perhaps the most important communication skill is learning to use your words wisely. When you communicate about a problem with someone and keep saying things like, “You always do that” or “You just don’t listen,” the other person immediately feels the need to take the defensive position and little effective communication will occur.

A more productive and ego-saving approach is to use the word “I” instead. For example, “I feel unappreciated when I talk sometimes” will be less aggressive to the other person because it is about you, not him.

Reflection

It is a good idea to take the time to think back on your last argument, heated discussion, or failure to get an idea across. What could you have done differently to ensure better communication? Did you put the other person on the defense by using harsh, judgmental dialogue? More than that, what did you do right? Did you assert yourself? Were you a good listener? Always remember to reflect on a situation to understand what your are doing right and what you could potentially do better.

It may be helpful to practice boosting communication skills by reading over the above 10 tips regularly and keep them in mind the next time you are having an argument. With time and practice, you may notice your relationships improving around you.

Test Your Social Skills IQ

Communication is the key to social skills, but when communication breaks down, social ineptitude takes on a life of its own. As children we were taught that it's not OK to blurt out derogatory names just because someone has upset us. We're not supposed to throw tamper tantrums when we can't have what we want, that sharing is smiled upon, while pushing and shoving to be first in line is not. Find out just how savvy you are with this social skills quiz.