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On the Lighter Side: 5 Simple Methods to Never Wait in Line Again!

by Gary Trolofski

We’re so caught up in our headaches, traffic jams and Tim Hortons lines that we forget how blessed we are to live in a country that has everything we ever need provided for us at a moment’s notice.Problems need to be put in perspective. North America forgets to count their blessings because their story doesn’t recognize real issues. Open your eyes by reading this post by Gary Trolofski.

Can You Find the Lesson?

In the world today tsunami’s wreak havoc, tornados make their way from the clouds, and global warming infects the planet. Cold Wars send shivers down our spine, the global war on terror fabricates itself out of nothing and Tim Hortons lines are longer than ever. It seems the late 1980’s “hustle and bustle” of Tim Hortons’ employees is a thing of the past.

A stop for fast food has become our longest hour.

In my years I’ve seen people attack the Tim Hortons issues from multiple perspectives. None have captured the essence of what it means to face a challenge quite like today’s guest. At 20 years old he’s determined to make a difference.

What’s the Problem Anyways?

Tim Horton began his chain in 1964; originating in Hamilton, Ontario. The chain’s focus was always on top quality fresh product, delicious donuts and great service. Tim Horton, the owner of Tim Hortons, used to pride himself on the speed and efficiency of his locally owned and operated store.

Tim Horton died in the year of 1984. There are those who believe his age got to him, and there are those who believe his brother Tom Horton was the catalyst in his passing. Tim was interested in keeping the brand local. He wanted the Apple Fritter and the Dutchie to be the only two donuts that Tim Hortons ever created.

The scent of a mouth-warming Double-Double and the taste of a sugary Dutchie was enough for Tim’s simple tastes.

Tom wasn’t the same. Tom was never satisfied with the things that he had, he always thirsted for more. In 1978, when Tim had the opportunity to make the chain bigger than his local town in Hamilton, he refused. Tim was committed to keeping the quality of the food prime and the speed of the service efficient. Tom was frustrated. Tom wanted more money, more customers and a variety of different donuts. At the time, there was nothing he could do.

Tim owned 51% of the company. Tom owned 49%.

I’m Talking 2012, People

Since the day of Tim Horton’s death, the lines have gotten longer and longer.

I’ve always looked at the lines and asked myself why. Why is it so long? Why does it smell weird in here? Why are my pants off? After years of searching I found a friend that asked himself the same questions.

The first time I met Brian he told me stories of how he would stand on his balcony for days at a time, studying the line from afar. Brian lived on the 8th floor of his Downtown Apartment. The place was beautiful and spacious – it had a magnificent view of the Downtown core. The beauty of the horizon was often blurred away by the line at Tim Hortons. People walked right by it, paying no notice. Brian couldn’t ignore the problem.

Brian knew about the Tim and Tom incident.

“I’m convinced it was Tom. No matter what the public says. Tim was a good man,” Brian stated. “I read his biography twice a day and connect with it. Tim resonates with me. Tom… something’s going on with that guy. I don’t think he cares at all about the lines,” Brian finished. Emotion brought tears to his eyes. This man was serious.

People told him he was crazy for getting himself this deep. Allowing yourself to become immersed in such a big problem often has catastrophic results when no solution is found. Success was the only option for this 20 year old venture idealist. He wasn’t crazy. He had to change the world.

The punctuality of billions depended upon him.

For months Brian hit the books and studied hard. He fueled himself with Folgers coffee, read books about Tim Horton and cried himself to sleep. Brian’s connection to Tim was undeniable. His hate for Tom was omnipresent. Brian’s friends would come over to console him during his late-night cry fests. He never let any of them in to help. Nothing would do but the solution.

Brian studied for days. He read two books and came to the startling conclusion that there was no solution. He flipped the final page of the Little Mermaid and gazed up to the horizon. A burst of creativity hit the man and illuminated his imagination. Arising from his seated position he raced over to his Laz-E Boy. He reached beside the chair and grabbed his laptop out of a black leather briefcase.

Little did he know that these thoughts would have a ripple effect on the way the world viewed Tim Hortons lines forever.

I recently had the pleasure of interviewing Brian on his new book.

Q: Why did you choose to take on the Tim Hortons problem?

A: I believe that every problem has a solution. There are some problems that are so big the solution is out of sight however there’s always a solution. I think society in general has deferred away from the Tim Hortons incident. There seemed to be no answer to the long lines and lazy employees.

Tim Horton? He never wanted any lines in his store. His vision included efficiency. Any more than 6 customers in the store and he would serve the coffee himself. Tom Horton, on the other hand, was different. He wanted money. His vision included dolla dolla billz and jagerbombs. I think that Tom Horton wants the lines to be there. It gives his store the illusion of being busy… when it’s not even busy.

I realized that there isn’t an answer to shortening the lines. I just became smarter than Tom Horton and the lines he created.

Q: What exactly does “become smarter than the lines” mean?

A: A line is only a line to those who see a line. I see opportunity when I look at lines. I view each person in the line as an individual. It’s hard to beat a line. Getting past individuals is an easier feat to accomplish. I’ve laid out hundreds of simple ways to smash the lines once and for all.

Q: Can you explain the concepts to our readers?

A: All of my methods can be found in my new book, available on Amazon , “The Tom Horton Scandal”.

The interview was nothing short of inspirational. Brian showed me how a “big problem” actually has such a simple solution. It suddenly becomes a resolvable issue. Instead of seeing the line as a whole, Brian began viewing them as individuals. This discovery lead to a method that promises to eliminate the problem forever.

The Tom Scandal

Here is an excerpt taken directly from Page 94 of “The Tom Horton Scandal”. These are the top 5 methods of line-infringement based on success rate and customer satisfaction

1. The Spoiled Brat

Find the most annoying child you can. Bring him with you to Tim Hortons. Make him cry. The louder the better.

I’ve personally trained my crying child to run up to the glass window housing the donuts, turn around, look me in the eyes and scream “I WANT IT NOW!!!!!!!!” He then proceeds to take a handful of pennies out of his pocket and throws them at people, one penny at a time, until they allow me to pass.

Come up with your own creative resolve. Make sure your child is a good actor. Another option is to not feed them for days – this will ensure they actually want a donut. I once had a child who broke character and started laughing.

Let’s just say I wasn’t laughing. And afterwards… neither was he.

Success Rate: 8 / 10 Lines SkippedFeedback: “Whether you get the coffee or not, you get a high level of amusement AND take none of the blame! Brilliant! Simply brilliant!”

2. The Nosy Neighbour

As I broke the line down into individual people I started smelling my way to the bottom of the problem. Literally. I couldn’t smell the whole line. I could smell the individual. I began smelling.

I started to see the truth: no one likes to be sniffed. Not even the cookie monster. I’ve been sniffing my way through Tom Horton’s’ lines for years now.

Success Rate: 9 / 10 Lines SkippedFeedback: “This one works but it’s risky. I’d rate it one of your top methods simply because of its effectiveness.”

3. The Classy Picker

I’ve never been classy. Neither should you. There are times when we’ve all got to go through the grind. Hard work gives lasting results.

The method is simple. Walk directly up to the person in the front of the line, stand 12 inches away, place your feet together pointed towards them, bend at the hip, lean in 6 inches towards them, maintain solid eye contact and commence picking of the nose. Don’t “dibble dabble” around either. Commit.

You may have to eat a booger, but you’re guaranteed to get your Double-Double 10 minutes faster.

4. The Ditzy Daydreamer

Don’t look at them. Don’t flinch. Walk up to the front of the line and stare at the menu inquisitively. Let the lattes intrigue your eyes, making your heart beat faster and your palms sweat. The person standing beside you will be looking at you. That’s okay. Let it be. They won’t hurt you. They’re here for the same thing you are.

Success Rate: 8 /10 Lines SkippedFeedback: “I had too many people yelling at me! This one didn’t work. I was too distracted by angry customers behind me.”

BOOK EDIT: There will be times when people behind you start yelling at you. Remain calm. Look towards the bridge of your nose, stick the bottom of your jaw out and to the right, and allow drool to come out the right side of your mouth. Slowly, carefully, turn around and respond to the negativity. Speak with a slight accent for added effectiveness.

5. Be Tim Horton

I’ve found that people tend to be too caught up in their own world to notice yours. Be a chameleon. Play the part. Walk through the doors as with entitlement. Immediately walk to the coffee machine and pour yourself a drink. Hell, pour yourself two drinks. You’re the employee. You call the shots now.

Success Rate: 10 /10 Lines SkippedFeedback: “Amazing. Simply amazing. I was astounded by the amount of people that paid me no attention. They were so busy tending to the line THAT I JUST BEAT that they paid me no notice! Thank you so much for this book. You are inspiration.”

A means to an end. No longer will we worry about what we’re going to entertain ourselves with while we stand in line. Pretending to look at our phone to answer a message is a thing of the past. Avoiding eye contact with people in our personal bubble is no longer a worry. You’re too good for the lines now. You know the truth. Ignoring the smell in front of you? Never again. This isn’t just a line change.

Take action! Begin with the line-sniff. Guaranteed for lasting results and uncharted amusement levels. Why wait in line when you could be smarter than it?

Put your problems in perspective. The problems that affect us on a daily basis are so trivial contrasted to the worlds major issues. Often anxiety consumes us and we stress ourselves out over things that have no meaning. Having a headache suddenly isn’t a big deal when you hit your hand with a hammer. Hitting your hand with a hammer suddenly isn’t a big deal when you lose an arm. Losing your arm suddenly isn’t a big deal when you come down with terminal cancer. Having terminal cancer all of a sudden isn’t a big deal when your house gets swept away by a tsunami.

The next time you’re stuck in traffic, be thankful that you have a car. The next time you’re stuck in line at Tim Hortons, be thankful that you have Tim Hortons. Put your problems in perspective and life a life full of appreciation and gratitude.

About Gary TrolofskiGary Trolofski is a 24 year old journalist living in Winnipeg, Manitoba. Driven to write about problems that aren't problems, Gary strives to put societies "issues" in perspective.

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