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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida burglar arrested after
dropping out of the ceiling.
Details at Boneheads
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Today, November 7, in
1874 The Republican party of the U.S. was first symbolized as
an elephant in a cartoon by Thomas Nast in Harper's Weekly.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
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Remember that there is nothing stable in human affairs;
therefore avoid undue elation in prosperity,
or undue depression in adversity.
--- Socrates (469 BC - 399 BC)
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If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
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After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly
clerks and insane regulations at the department of motor
vehicles, a lady stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift
for her son. She brought her selection - a baseball bat
to the cash register.
"Cash or charge," the clerk asked.
"Cash," she snapped. Then apologizing for her
rudeness, she explained, " I've spent the afternoon at
the motor-vehicle bureau. I am not too sane right now!!"
"Shall I gift -wrap the bat?" the clerk asked sweetly,
"Or or you going back?"
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It's time to do my bi-annual rant about auto-responders.
Every now and then some smooth-talking moron manages
to persuade otherwise quite reasonable people to use
auto-responders to embarrass themselves.
If YOU are one of those, stop and think for a bit, before
you have lost all your friends.
What does an auto-responder accomplish ?
1) Everybody puts your address into their spam filters,
because they are not interested in the silly drivel of your
auto-responder.
2) People forget that now all mail from you automatically
goes into the garbage, and they don't believe you when
you tell them that you answered their mail.
NOTHING else EVER gets accomplished by a personal
auto-responder.
Commercial auto-responders that reply with
up-to-the-minute fresh road reports, or the weather, or
inventory of daily specials if you write to a certain
address, those are useful, because they supply
information that you requested.
However, does anybody really need to know that
Dingbat's computer admits that it has received the mail
that you sent her (since you sent the mail to HER and not
the Easter Bunny, you more or less expected that
anyway), and that Dingbat is too lazy or too drunk to
answer you right now, or that she never answers after
5PM? Well, you expected that too, so why repeat the
never changing obvious facts ?
If you have an auto-responder, do yourself and your
friends a favor and get rid of it. Then get yourself a new
address and get re-aquainted with your former friends
who thought you had died when all your mail got filtered
into the garbage without anybody ever seeing it.
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Thanks to Bob for this picture:
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Justin Grimes,
30,
Daytona Beach,
Floriduh
Florida burglar arrested after
dropping out of the ceiling.
A would-be thief allegedly decided to drop in for dinner
—literally—at a Florida eatery Tuesday evening, WESH reports.
Police say diners at Hibachi Grill and Supreme Buffet in
Daytona Beach heard noises coming from the ceiling shortly
before 30-year-old Justin Grimes fell through it. Patrons
sprung into action, holding Grimes down until officers arrived.
According to WFTV, police believe Grimes got into the ceiling
through the bathroom and was attempting to make his way to the
restaurant's office to steal money when he fell through the
ceiling. WESH reports the restaurant's manager found broken
ceiling tiles and a pair of shoes in the office, but it's
unclear how they got there. Grimes has been charged with
burglary.
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Tech Support Pits
From: Frank
Re: Open Office Thesaurus
Hi Dear Webby,
Again a question for the cyber world's main avatar:
I can't get the Thesaurus to open in my Open Office.
I have their latest version 4.1.1 but even following
their help instructions about activating the Thesaurus
doesn't work and still leaves it greyed out and unusable.
Do you have a solution?
As always my sincere thanks.
Be well, live long, and prosper,
Walter
Dear Walter
On my OO, I highlight a word, and hit CTRL F7
and the Thesaurus comes up
showing a bunch of alternate words.
There are two possibilities.
1) You haven't selected a language in Tools, Language
or
2) When you installed it, you installed just the basics,
without the Thesaurus.
If it is #2, just reinstall it,
and this time let it go whole hog.
It takes more space, but that is the price
you pay for having the big dictionary and
the Thesaurus on the shelf.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Dear Webby,
thank you again for having the right answer.
I downloaded Open Office 4.1.2. and now the
Thesaurus works perfectly.
Be well, live long, and prosper,
Walter
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Tom was being evaluated for mental problems and was
asked by the doctor, "If a train was coming down the
hallway toward you, what would you do?"
Tom replied, "I would get in my helicopter and fly away!"
The doctor then asked, "Where did you get a helicopter
from?"
Tom replied, "The same place you got your train!"
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If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Spanish Rice
My grandmother, who was Mexican taught me how to cook this
Spanish rice. Now my son who is 24 and living on his own,
makes his own.
Approximate Time: 20-30 minutes
Yield: 6 or more servings
Ingredients:
1 cup long grain white rice
3-4 green onion stalks, cut small (more or less,
depending on your taste)
1 small ripe tomato, diced
1 1/2 cup chicken stock, warmed
1 can (small) tomato sauce (I use the spicy
tomato sauce, but it's a matter of taste)
Adobo seasoning to taste
pepper to taste
2 Tbsp oil, any kind of your choice
2 Tbsp butter (not margarine, or I can't
Believe it's not Butter)
Steps:
Saute the green onion and rice until the rice is
slightly browned and has a nutty smell to it.
Add the tomatoes and stir in.
Then add the warmed chicken stock and tomato sauce.
Season with the Adobo, or salt and pepper to taste,
then add the butter.
Simmer 18-20 minutes, or until rice is done and all
liquid is absorbed and rice is tender.
Source: My grandmother
By Cathi Cates [1]
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

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Anthony and Kathy married. Anthony thought this would
be a modern marriage which meant equal roles for equal
partners.
So, the first morning back from their honeymoon,
Anthony brought Kathy breakfast in bed.
Kathy wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however.
She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted,
"A poached egg? I wanted scrambled!"
Undaunted, the next morning, Anthony brought her a
scrambled egg.
Kathy wasn't having any of it. "Why can't I have some
variety? I wanted poached this morning!"
Determined to please Kathy, the next morning he brought
her two eggs - one scrambled and one poached.
"Here, my love... enjoy!"
Kathy was furious, "You Bozo, you scrambled the wrong egg!"
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the slap

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A woman walks into a shop that sells expensive Persian
Rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and
walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture
of the rug she accidentally breaks wind.
Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if
anyone has noticed her little accident.
As she turns there standing next to her is a salesman.
"Good day M'am, how may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortable she asks, "Sir how much does this
rug cost?"
He answers, "Lady if you farted just touching it,
what is going to happen to your pants when you
hear the price?"
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Noella's Blunders
I love to take pictures and was excited when I found out
that I was going to get to go to the ocean in Florida.
I'd never seen the ocean. I got up early, went out to
the beach and waited for the sun to come up so I could
get a sunrise picture. The sky was full of clouds and
though it was getting lighter, I never did get to see
the sun rise so I gave up.
I decided to go back to the hotel and as I got into the
car, I turned around and there was the sun, bright and
shining. It had come up behind one of the casinos.
Totally missed it!
Noella
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I prefer the house in the
mountains where there is peace and quiet.

Today, November 6, in
1637 Anne Hutchinson, the first female religious leader in the
American colonies, was banished from the Massachusetts Bay
Colony for heresy.
1811 The Shawnee Indians of chief Tecumseh were defeated by
William Henry Harrison at the Battle of Wabash (or (Tippecanoe).
1837 In Alton, IL, abolitionist printer Elijah P. Lovejoy was
shot to death by a mob (supporters of slavery) while trying
to protect his printing shop from a third destruction.
1874 The Republican party of the U.S. was first symbolized as
an elephant in a cartoon by Thomas Nast in Harper's Weekly.
1876 The cigarette manufacturing machine was patented by
Albert H. Hook.
1893 The state of Colorado granted its women the right to vote.
1895 The last spike was driven into Canada's first
transcontinental railway in the mountains of British Columbia.
1917 Russia's Bolshevik Revolution took place. The provisional
government of Alexander Kerensky was overthrown by forces led
by Vladimir Ilyich Lenin.
1918 During World War I, a false report through the United
Press announced that an armistice had been signed.
1940 The middle section of the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in Washington
state collapsed during a windstorm. The suspension bridge had
opened to traffic on July 1, 1940.
1944 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first person
to win a fourth term as president.
1965 The "Pillsbury Dough Boy" debuted in television commercials.
1967 Carl Stokes was elected the first black mayor Cleveland, OH,
becoming the first black mayor of a major city.
1967 The U.S. Selective Service Commission announced that college
students arrested in anti-war demonstrations would lose their
draft deferments.
1973 The U.S. Congress over-rode President Nixon's veto of the
War Powers Act, which limits a chief executive's power to wage
war without congressional approval.
1985 The Colombian army stormed the country's Palace of Justice.
The siege claimed the lives of 100 people, including 11 Supreme
Court Justices. The Palace had been seized by leftist guerrillas
belonging to the April 19 Movement.
1987 Tunisia's president Habib Bourguiba was overthrown. He had
been president since the country's independence in 1956.
1989 L. Douglas Wilder won the governor's race in Virginia,
becoming the first elected African-American state governor
in U.S. history.
1989 David Dinkins was elected and become New York City's first
African-American mayor.
1991 Magic Johnson (NBA) announced that he had tested positive
for the virus that causes AIDS, and that he was retiring
from basketball.
1991 Pro- and anti-Communists rallies took place in Moscow on
the 74th anniversary of the Bolshevik Revolution.
1991 Actor Paul Reubens, a.k.a. Pee Wee Herman, pled no contest
to charges of indecent exposure. Reubens had been arrested in
Sarasota, FL, for exposing himself in a theater.
1995 In a Japanese courtroom, three U.S. military men admitted
to the rape of a 12-year-old Okinawan schoolgirl.
2000 Hillary Rodham Clinton made history as the first president's
wife to win public office. The state of New York elected her to
the U.S. Senate. (New York)
2001 The new .BIZ domain extension was officially launched.
2001 After a 16-month stoppage the Concorde resumed flying.
2015 smiled.

The number of mammograms donated thanks to clicks has dropped quite noticeably
when these two ladies went away. So here they are back, working hard to get
you to click. Donate by clicking!BreastCancer
SiteA free click helps to donate mammograms to women who
can not afford one.

Tech Support Pits: Re: Not getting a subscription
... not getting my subscription newsletters, not just the Humor Letter, but
others too. I can't re-sub- scribe because I am still on the list....

Dear Friends, If you are on the list, then the subscriptions are sent out
TOWARDS you. If you don't see them, then either you or your ISP are blocking
them.

Complaining to me won't fix your or your ISP's spam block. Check your spam
control program and, if necessary, white-list the missing subscription or
declare it as friendly. If your spam control program is OK, contact your
ISP.

If you are using one of those address collectors that pretend to be email
verification programs, but ask for people to fill out all kinds of information,
forget it!
NO newsletter send program will even click on a verification link, never
mind filling out some silly junkmail order form. If you want a newsletter,
it is up to YOU, to make sure that you are not blocking it.

The Humor Letter is no exception, except that you can still read it here,
on-line, at http://webby.com/humor,
even if you are blocking it in the mail.