Social Anxiety - How do you get your spouse to understand?

How do you get your spouse to understand how anxious it makes you to go to parties, social gatherings, etc. My husband is at his wits end with my social anxiety. We've known each other 10 years, been married 4 and my anxiety, depression, panic attacks and agoraphobia started about 3 years ago. I am on medication and feel fine most of the time, but then once in a while i'll refuse to go to a party and he freaks out, says i'm dramatic, doesn't understand my mental issues. This makes me feel worse, knowing that my illness is affecting him.Any advice or literature i could get would help.

We've seen one but need to go more. It's really only once in a while maybe once every 2 or 3 months. Never something huge. Normally feel the most anxiety when it's his work events or coworkers parties. His coworkers freak me out. They work for a well to do company lots of gossip etc. I've told him he is free to disclose my anxiety issues to anyone, I'm not shy about explaining my anxiety to anyone.

I have mixed opinions on this one. I can understand that he would want you to occasionally participate in one of his work functions. But also as you mentioned work events are rarely pleasurable. I don't even want to attend my company's work events. Plus my philosophy is to not make friends at work.

For my anxiety, it makes me feel really good to accomplish something that I greatly fear. However I can accept that this would not work for everyone.

I think your ideal solution is some sort of compromise. What is the compromise? I don't know. It depends on what he wants and the limits of your agoraphobia.

Agoraphobia is challenging. A few weeks ago I could not even make myself go to the DR's office. And I'll say that few people understand it. I've shared about my agoraphobia with people and most just don't get it.

Do not blame yourself for his inability to deal with your illness. Allot of men do not possess empathy. He vowed to love you in sickness and in health. Sorry but I get crazy when someone is forced to cope with their illness which they certainly aren't having fun with and a partner who acts that way. You try and go with him most of the time so he should be willing to allow you to beg off once in a while.

I've tried and the therapist has tried to explain the severity of discomfort I'm in when I'm anxious or feel I'm going to have a panic attack but he has a really hard time wrapping his head around it. Especially because I used to be "the life of the party". So I get his frustration. I just don't know how else to get across to him that I'm doing my best

He needs to realize that in life there is constant change and the only way you can deal with it is to accept it and do what you can. Just because you used to be the life of the party, does not mean you are now. What he needs to realize is that you are his prime concern, not the party.

There is an organization called the National Alliance on Mental Illness. They have many programs one of which is for loved ones of the mentally ill which he could benefit from immensely. Go to there website and find there local chapter. They can help honest.

Oh boy! I believe this is commonplace unless the man has had his own experience with chronic health concerns. I have fibromyalgia, a handful of spinal issues, arthritis, endometriosis, along with GAD and depression. All of which are invisible to the maked eye amd most men see in black and white while women live with the added emotions of dealing with feelings of neglect because the empathy we most need isn't given. It took getting my disability approved before my spouse seemed to tale these conditions at face value. My best advice is to print out 'The Spoon Theory' and have him read it. It makes it so much more difficult to work on your quality of life when your #1 supporter belittles what is quite real for you. All my best to you!

I understand you completely. I separated with my spouse in June because she would get mad at me when I didn't feel like going grocery shopping or to the mall. She's bi polar but refused to take her meds after a month or so and would constantly argue with me not understanding that it's not that I don't want to go it's my mind won't let me. I have been alone for almost 7 months now and still have the same problems but I don't have her arguing with me about every little thing. We were married 4 yrs and together 5 and my anxiety attacks starting happening after the 3rd year we were together because right after we got married she said I just want to live on my own. I told her that was her bi polar talking and how could she say that after only bring married a few months.

Well we separated several times and finally I couldn't take her telling me she was tired of hearing about my anxiety and living in fear that she was gonna kick me out again. We are still married hardly talk only text occasionally. It's hard to have this I know. I feel for you. If you ever wanna chat just add me as a friend I'm here for you.

I do feel better coming here and were seeing a therapist together next week. He's giving me the silent treatment now. Which makes me feel worse... sometimes I think it's just easier to curl up with my cats and sleep but I need to fix this. Thank you all for your support

We all go through periods, no pun intended, in life; why, lately, I think I've been going through the equivalent of menopause. Even we guys are a bit bizarre! Tell your husband, rdotdot, to get a grip; let you be for some time; and observe the non-immediacy but the general, usually positive, trend in personal growth. I haven't caught the "walking around with earphones" or the "looking down at cell" crowds and I think I'm doing ok with "not belonging" to them. Be well! Handle it like you are.