We are driving to Kindergarten, someone cuts me off, as happens MANY times a day along this particular stretch of road.

I say “Eli, the next time I buy a car, instead of one with a horn, I want one that has a button that I can push that makes a giant sign that says “WAIT YOUR TURN” come popping up out of the roof!”

A long pause.

Eli says “Um, Mom? I’m not sure you understand how…cars work.”

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We are taking a bath. Eli is telling me about all the ponies from My Little Pony and what their powers are. I ask him what his powers are, and he says “Awesomeness, the sun, and super fastness.”

“Cool!” I say. “What are my powers?”

Eli replies, without skipping a beat. “Oldness. Your power is oldness.”

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Eli says to me “This weekend dad and I are going to do something VERY COOL.”

“Oh, really”, I say. “What’s that?”

“We…are going. to get….:A CORD FOR THE VCR…” and then he pauses, takes a breath, nods his head, and just adds, all drawn out and slow. “Radio Shack”.

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I also need to remember that Katie, despite her father’s best attempts, has the worst taste in music of anyone I’ve ever known besides myself. The only songs she will listen to are Alicia Keys “Girl on Fire”, which she calls “FIYAH!”, Bruno Mars “Locked out of Heaven” which I believe is super appropriate for a two year old and which she calls “Oooo Song”, and Justin Bieber’s “Beauty and the Beat”, which she calls “Body Rock”. We have these three songs on a playlist that just repeats ad nauseam If she hears any other song, she huffily states “This song is TERRIBLE” and demands “Body Rock”. She told the man at toddler story hour that “You Are My Sunshine” was a terrible song. If she does hear something she deigns to listen to, she’ll scream “TURN IT UP” at you immediately, and you’re not allowed to turn it down even one click of the radio until the song is over.

Also, she can’t pronounce her “l”s, which means she says “yegs” instead of “legs”. Every time I get her out of her car seat, she tells me that when she’s sitting in it, she can’t put her “yegs” up in the air. I will never tire of this.

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Oldness! I seriously just LOLed. And your daughter’s “yegs” – oh, I love that. My adorable beloved niece (now 13) used to pronounce her Ls that way. I remember her and my brother taking me to the airport (they live far away), and as I was leaving to go through security, she started asking me how my cats were doing – their names were Linus and Lucy, so, “Auntie, Mawy Yynn, how aw Yinus and Yoocy”? Oooooh my gawwd, it was so cute, and 10 years later, I still will never, ever forget it and it still warms my heart.

Apparently my husband grandmother (who I never got to meet before she died) had a “bum yeg,” which translates to bum leg. Whenever anyone mentions this woman, it comes that she had a “bum yeg.” So maybe K’s just an old lady already!!

P.S. When I broke my leg, every damn person in the family would ask, “oh, how’s your bum yeg?” like it was some sort of cosmic joke and I would have to sit on my hands to keep from punching them all. Because I am a peach like that.

I am renowned in my family for when I was very young, after walking around a lot somewhere or another, just sitting down regardless of where I was, and proclaiming with a pout that “my yittle yegs ‘urt”. Kids say the most adorable things, don’t they?

We are stuck on this horrible set of bad children’s songs and my two year old will only listen to that or Alan Jackson. Uh, how did she find out about Alan Jackson??? I like 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, anything but country. She wouldn’t know Alan if he hit her over the head!

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