Awl editor Alex Balk found out that farmers have been tinkering with plant genetics to create cross-breeds like "pluerries," and it inspired him to heights of lyrical brilliance: Please Don't Make The Fruits Do Sex To Each Other The freakish fruits that Science spawns— The pros we know, but not the cons What laws of nature might we breach By blending apricot and peach?

Oh, Rick Perry. He's like a feudal lord who was just defrosted from the 13th century, only better-coiffed and less handy with a lance. He's like his own personal Renaissance Festival. Science? Forsooth, milord, what dost thou mean? In last night's debate, Perry offered the following extremely convincing (to other 13th-century refugees) argument against global warming: Not all scientists believe in it, I am pretty sure. I can't name any scientist who doesn't, but then, I can't name any scientists at all. Even if they do say it's a fact, that doesn't mean it's true. Because Galileo. Hey, Galileo! He's a scientist who probably didn't believe in global warming! QED.

If Obama won't listen to the Tar Sands Action protesters, will he listen to nine of his fellow Nobel Peace Prize laureates? Because they've all but told him -- in their very kind and Peace-Prizey way -- that they'll be embarrassed to share the medal with him if he doesn't. Nine laureates, including the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu, have written Obama a letter urging him to nix the pipeline.

Hey, remember those ads where they used to secretly replace people's actual made-from-beans coffee with freeze-dried Flavor Crystals? Those were a laugh riot, right? So obviously the most genius possible marketing plan for frozen dinners -- basically the food equivalent of instant coffee -- would be to make people think they're eating real made-from-food food, and then alert them that they've been baited and switched. It can't fail! You know, unless the people involved are food bloggers who care about eating organic, fresh, and healthy ingredients rather than mass-fabricated sodium-enhanced spun and capped protein strands. Then they might get pissed. But ConAgra, makers of such food-adjacent items as Chef Boyardee and Reddi-Wip, didn't see that one coming when they set up a supposed luxury dinner with a group of food bloggers and their guests. The host, chef George Duran, served -- and implied he had cooked -- a main course of lasagna and a dessert of, um, "razzleberry pie." Once the bloggers had gotten it down their necks, Duran told them the food was actually frozen Marie Callender dinners. Smile, you're on ConAgra Camera!