New ‘Fifty Shades Freed’ Trailer Is Full of Licking, Car Chases and… Guns?

When it comes to the most anticipated movies of 2018, titles like Black Panther, Ocean’s 8, and Isle of Dogs are likely high on any movie fan’s list. But I’m here to inform you that another film will bump those to the side: it’s all about Fifty Shades Freed baby. The conclusion to the unsexiest trilogy of all time will arrive in just one month, and this time it’s… an action movie? With a grizzled bad guy and guns and car chases? Two tickets please!

In Fifty Shades Freed,Dakota Johnson’s Ana Steele is now Ana Grey, and Christian (Jamie Dornan) is giving her a luxurious honeymoon of her dreams. Most of the new trailer is just “Look at us, we’re so rich and white and pretty!” There’s a lavish bathtub make-out, private jets, postcard getaways; it’s all perfect. But suddenly author E.L. James realized she needed an actual plot to justify a third installment, so Mr. and Mrs. Grey suddenly become action stars. They weave through traffic in a high-speed chase, Ana shoots a man with a gun (!), and a woman is tied up in an abandoned lot, and not in a kinky way. But don’t worry, there’s plenty of blindfolding and spanking. Watch till the end of the trailer because, DUN DUN DUN, Ana is pregnant now. (Oh no, does this mean we’re getting a spinoff?)

Here’s the synopsis, if you must know:

Believing they have left behind shadowy figures from their past, newlyweds Christian and Ana fully embrace an inextricable connection and shared life of luxury. But just as she steps into her role as Mrs. Grey and he relaxes into an unfamiliar stability, new threats could jeopardize their happy ending before it even begins.

If you depend on the Fifty Shades films every year for their awful sex scenes, inability to actually understand BDSM dynamics, and how they always find a way to introduce absurd plot points – remember that time Christian survived a helicopter crash unscathed?! – then you’re in luck. Cancel your plans,this cinematic classic hits theaters on Valentine’s Day.