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Teen ran away from home 9 times in two years

There have been an increasing number of cases of runaway teens in recent years, according to a report in the Lianhe Wanbao.

15-year-old Joey (not her real name), was one of them. She starting running away from home two years ago, and has left home up to nine times, staying away for days at a stretch, once up to half a month.

In a telephone interview, Joey shared with a reporter from the Chinese-language evening daily her reasons for running away.

Caned for being fifth in class

According to Joey, her father works as an engineer and her mother is a teacher. She has a younger sister who is a year younger than her.

However, her family life was not as perfect as it seemed. Joey said her mother had very high expectations of her, and wanted her to always be among the top three students in class.

She said: "I could still meet her expectations when I was in lower primary. But the work got harder and harder and I didn't manage to be in the top three positions in class."

"Even if I was fifth in class, my mother wasn't happy. She caned me everyday to make me work harder and improve. At the time, I felt she didn't love me at all."

Dad didn't dare interfere

Joey said at first, her father would defend and protect her from her mother's lashings. However, when she 8-years-old, her father had an affair with a woman he met while overseas for work.

"My mother was very angry when she found out. In order to make amends, he gave in to my mother's wishes from then on. Even if she vent her frustrations on my sister and I, he didn't dare to interfere," said Joey.

Joey began to rebel when she was in Secondary one. She remembered the first time she ran away from home, she wanted her mother to be worried and scared, in hopes that it would make her "realise her mistakes".

"The first time I ran away, I stayed out for two days. When I returned, my mother didn't scold me. She even said she would reflect upon her actions and make me happy. However after a short while, she returned to her old ways."

Seven boyfriends in two years

Joey revealed that she had "six or seven" boyfriends in the past two years, and she has stayed at each of their homes when she ran away, depending on them for her meals.

As they did not have money, they frequently stayed home to play computer games, but Joey maintained she did not have a sexual relationship with any of them.

Said Joey, "Each time I ran away, my parents would call my handphone and call the police, but I wouldn't care."

Beyond parental control

Joey eventually got arrested by the police for getting involved in a fight. Her parents refused to bail her out of the police station, which increased her hatred for her mother.

Her parents eventually filed a Beyond Parental Control complaint against Joey.

In court however, her mum had a change of heart and told Joey that if she were willing to change, she would not send her to the Girls' Home.

"I hated her at the time, so I told her to do whatever she wanted and not talk so much," said Joey.

Joey spent a month at the home. Her time there made her realise the importance of family, and her parents' good intentions.

Joey said: "Now, when my mum scolds me, although I still harbour thoughts of running away, I stop myself and speak to my counsellor instead."

Her counsellor, Ms Chua, said she counsels Joey fortnightly, and also speaks with her parents. Ms Chua says her mother is no longer as strict with Joey, and both sides are working to repair their relationship.

Ms Chua says she is seeing more cases of teen runaways in recent years. She feels that parents should spend more time with their children and learn to communicate more openly with each other.

Re: Teen ran away from home 9 times in two years

I was listening to FM 97.2 just now and three housewives called in to say how stressed they are over their children's inability to study. They did not say their children's grades, just how stressed they are. When the counseller suggested slowing down, two of them said cannot, Singapore too competitive.

Wat is the point of being so competitive until their children grew up hating them? I hope people will wake up. Get good grades does not mean a successful life.

Have a better day tomorrow!

I appreciate reputation points but please do not expect me to give back in return. I only give for quality posts. Cheers!

Re: Teen ran away from home 9 times in two years

I feel its sad,most people equate education with being successful and being happy.

Its not really and i see so many folks with good grades but earning $2000-$4000 jobs and being so unhappy doing it but still being forced to continue just because it carries a "manager" title. My relatives, presidential scholars, top primary, top secondary and top JC. NUS grade with first class honours, etc still making a living at the lower echelons of society. One of them (President scholar)even had to revert to being a property agent at the end.

I kind of felt it was over when i didn't do so well academically in secondary school, having to hold down a full time job at night time when the rest of my classmates were blissfully asleep. I persisted and through sheer hardwork and effort, made my way into society, upgraded myself and now i pay about 20-30k of taxes every year after deductions.

My heavily tutored, well fed and born with silver spoon friends and my equally fortunate and learned relatives bragged about how much they earned every year during CNY but i just smiled and kept quiet.

I am not rich but i feel i have done well despite the obstacles life has thrown at me and never having any tuition(we couldn't afford it).

One of my relatives(who is very humble) who doesn't even have Primary 1 education, he owns a chain of bakeries/breadshops, a Lexus and 4 landed properties in Singapore. He doesn't even know how to spell his name in English but yet, he is making much more and without relying at all on his education.

I am not denying that education is a way out of poverty and it really helps a lot but it is only a component and 1 factor in determining a person's life and happiness index and certainly not all of it! A car key is very important, it opens the door and starts the car but it is not the car! After a car starts, its up to the driver how he wants to continue the journey. Whether he reaches his destination, crash and burn or changes route halfway, its up to him.

Re: Teen ran away from home 9 times in two years

I feel most parents in SG are fixated with the idea that more tuition, more work, more sacrifices = happy, successful lives. That is so wrong, they don't teach them values, they don't teach them how to live, they only teach them how to study and work!

End of the day, they are only churning out money making tools who can only talk to their friends, seek solace in loud music at pubs or take to drinks or vices. Ask most of these teens what they want in life (what they really want and not what their parents want) and most times you will draw a blank.

Being successful and happy is not only about the grade, its a package, the parents are like carmakers who makes cars but with a glass body and without signal lights and upholstery on the seats. Sure, it will still work but will the driver be really happy and will those who interact with them feel happy? Its just an empty and fragile shell at the end of the day. Cannot take stress at work and does not know how to interact with people well.

Worse, these parents only make the children hate them as they force without explaining to them the reason why.

Kids learn better if parents bother to explain to them, even toys come with instruction booklet, its the first time a child experience something so how come most parents don't even bother to be patient enough to explain something. We should explain but give them some space to live their lives for themselves.

Times have changed, most kids are smarter than us now but they should learn how to live first rather than be forced to.

Re: Teen ran away from home 9 times in two years

Originally Posted by shOUTloud

I was listening to FM 97.2 just now and three housewives called in to say how stressed they are over their children's inability to study. They did not say their children's grades, just how stressed they are. When the counseller suggested slowing down, two of them said cannot, Singapore too competitive.

Wat is the point of being so competitive until their children grew up hating them? I hope people will wake up. Get good grades does not mean a successful life.

They should focus on how to get their children out of the shit hole here instead of worrying for their grades. If they want to, they can come back as FTs - a status that is of far greater value than being lumber 1 in some silly Familee propaganda boot camp!

Re: Teen ran away from home 9 times in two years

Originally Posted by wuqi256

I feel its sad,most people equate education with being successful and being happy.

Its not really and i see so many folks with good grades but earning $2000-$4000 jobs and being so unhappy doing it but still being forced to continue just because it carries a "manager" title. My relatives, presidential scholars, top primary, top secondary and top JC. NUS grade with first class honours, etc still making a living at the lower echelons of society. One even had to revert to being a property agent at the end. (President scholar)

I kind of felt it was over when i didn't do so well academically in secondary school, having to hold down a full time job at night time when the rest of my classmates were blissfully asleep. I persisted and through sheer hardwork and effort, made my way into society, upgraded myself and now i pay about 20-30k of taxes every year after deductions.

My heavily tutored, well fed and born with silver spoon friends and my equally fortunate and learned relatives bragged about how much they earned every year during CNY but i just smiled and kept quiet.

I am not rich but i feel i have done well despite the obstacles life has thrown at me and never having any tuition(we couldn't afford it).

One of my relatives(who is very humble) who didn't even have Primary 1, he owns a chain of bakeries/breadshops, a Lexus and 4 landed properties in Singapore. He doesn't even know how to spell his name in English but yet, he is making much more and without relying on his education.

I am not denying that education is a way out of poverty and it really helps a lot but it is only a component and 1 factor in determining a person's life and happiness index and certainly not all of it! A car key is very important, it opens the door and starts the car but it is not the car! After a car starts, its up to the driver how he wants to continue the journey. Whether he reaches his destination, crash and burn or changes route halfway, its up to him.

bro , i also dont study much too,i only got a dipolma in interior design . but now i own a pet shop , a cafe , 3 cars ,and a house in tokyo . education is not everything ....

Re: Teen ran away from home 9 times in two years

bro , i also dont study much too,i only got a dipolma in interior design . but now i own a pet shop , a cafe , 3 cars ,and a house in tokyo . education is not everything ....

Well done! I am proud of you. Yes, so many just blindly thinks that just because they got the highest grades = the most successful later in life. Not true, i went to a neighbourhood school, no tutors, etc. There is no guarantee these days as so many have degrees, etc. Its no longer the paper certificate that counts but the "software" inside.

Most of these "computers" that the parents build are just focused on computing maths, hang too easily, demand too much processing power and worse remains unpatched and cannot run for too long without giving "system errors" messages.

Lets not forget though a computer was first invented to help calculate things, it is no longer the case, these days the only type of computer that focuses just on calculation is called a "calculator"

Re: Teen ran away from home 9 times in two years

Originally Posted by wuqi256

I feel most parents in SG are fixated with the idea that more tuition, more work, more sacrifices = happy, successful lives. That is so wrong, they don't teach them values, they don't teach them how to live, they only teach them how to study and work!

End of the day, they are only churning out money making tools who can only talk to their friends, seek solace in loud music at pubs or take to drinks or vices. Ask most of these teens what they want in life (what they really want and not what their parents want) and most times you will draw a blank.

Being successful and happy is not only about the grade, its a package, the parents are like carmakers who makes cars but with a glass body and without signal lights and upholstery on the seats. Sure, it will still work but will the driver be really happy and will those who interact with them feel happy? Its just an empty and fragile shell at the end of the day. Cannot take stress at work and does not know how to interact with people well.

Worse, these parents only make the children hate them as they force without explaining to them the reason why.

Kids learn better if parents bother to explain to them, even toys come with instruction booklet, its the first time a child experience something so how come most parents don't even bother to be patient enough to explain something. We should explain but give them some space to live their lives for themselves.

Times have changed, most kids are smarter than us now but they should learn how to live first rather than be forced to.

I like this thread, there are a few unsinkified people around. If more people can behave like you in sinkieland, there will not be so many problems in the society.

Sorry if i offend you, your relative and friends who " Brag" about their pay in chinese new year. I wonder why do they have to brag, that is a show of sinkie arrogance.

See, what i have been driving at in this forum. It is these arrogant people that cause so much emotional problems. It is no wonder i feel so happy in Bangkok. The Thais do not behave like this.

Humble people like you are protected by heaven and ensure success and happiness in life. I hope more sinkies will turn over a new leaf and change their behavior and more will be successful like you.

No need to be super rich to have a good life in Sg, just be courageous, humble and hard working. It is the opposite of coward, arrogant and lazy.

Re: Teen ran away from home 9 times in two years

Originally Posted by wuqi256

Well done! I am proud of you. Yes, so many just blindly thinks that just because they got the highest grades = the most successful later in life. Not true, i went to a neighbourhood school, no tutors, etc. There is no guarantee these days as so many have degrees, etc. Its no longer the paper certificate that counts but the "software" inside.

Most of these "computers" that the parents build are just focused on computing maths, hang too easily, demand too much processing power and worse remains unpatched and cannot run for too long without giving "system errors" messages.

Lets not forget though a computer was first invented to help calculate things, it is no longer the case, these days the only type of computer that focuses just on calculation is called a "calculator"

I do not understand why the parents has to caned the child in order to teach the child. from the report, the child did nothing wrong as she run away because she do not like to be canned and being put up so high of an expectation.

She tried her best already. I think it is the parents should be counseled and not the child.

I felt sorry for the child who has to undergo such upbringing.

Do you think it is because the mother is a teacher and that is why of the hig expectation?

I have a friend who is an engineer and the wife is a school teacher as well. Their 2 daughters did very well in their studies and they do not canned their child.

In fact the family is a very happy one and they use love and explaination way of teaching to bring up their children. The elder daughter scored 256 in her PSLE last year, i was told.

Re: Teen ran away from home 9 times in two years

the root of the problem comes from the government. who is the one who say that if don get degree means u r useless? who is the one who say that if you are not elite you would be a criminal?

it is this kind of impression which are places in people mind, that if your result is not good means u r a bad or lazy person. then how good is good? if you want to be the first, unless you are going to put a bet that no one can be clever than u.

if only a war would break out den people would realise how important are the people around u.

Re: Teen ran away from home 9 times in two years

I like this thread, there are a few unsinkified people around. If more people can behave like you in sinkieland, there will not be so many problems in the society.

Sorry if i offend you, your relative and friends who " Brag" about their pay in chinese new year. I wonder why do they have to brag, that is a show of sinkie arrogance.

See, what i have been driving at in this forum. It is these arrogant people that cause so much emotional problems. It is no wonder i feel so happy in Bangkok. The Thais do not behave like this.

Humble people like you are protected by heaven and ensure success and happiness in life. I hope more sinkies will turn over a new leaf and change their behavior and more will be successful like you.

No need to be super rich to have a good life in Sg, just be courageous, humble and hard working. It is the opposite of coward, arrogant and lazy.

Thanks.

Oh no offence taken at all, i wish all the best for you too. As an aside, Thailand seems a good place to move to and live(Maybe not BKK but Phuket, etc)

We intensely dislike these "scholars" who only think in dollars and cents. Their mum who brought them up, they don't even bother to bring her to makan, etc. The only chance their mum had a chance to eat at good restaurants was when we, my dad, a retired taxi drive and me, a non-grad who took her and our grandmother out every single weekend for food.

I remember a recent incident when our family went out to US, a Coach bag we had helped their mum buy as she requested for it and told us her children would gladly pay. Turns out to be the exact opposite. They even jeered at their own mum for getting a branded Coach bag when they themselves don't carry it(as she is retired and not working) and even asked her not to use it for fear of being robbed. Robbed for some 600 dollar Coach bag?

Even then out of all 4 of these "scholars" and yet below 10k "self proclaimed intelligent, high class and equally high fliers" only 1 of them(kudos to her) wanted to pay for PART of the price of the bag. We had to take it back in the end although we did seriously consider giving it to her just but hesitated as they would probably feel we are shaming them if we really did so.

I am not a good son but my mum has more than 5 branded bags, everything that she and my dad didn't have in the past, i try my best to give it to them even when i don't have enough to eat. I am not important, i can die any day, any time, i just want my family to be well and always happy. They brought me up, no matter how they treated me in the past, they are family. That cannot change.

I feel sad when i see the "future" of SG, the kids. I think what most parents don't teach their children, (other than social etiquette) is the by now rare and vintage emotion we address as "gratitude".

I see so many rude children who just can't be bothered to express it when kindness is shown and its always a "me, me me" and "take take take" attitude. Speaking "Lame", "Lambast" when they can barely spell it just to act cool, i am sorry, its just a "Loser" attitude.

These same parents then wonder out loud to me how come their kids are so ungrateful when they themselves drive a Merc to collect food from a charity and yet never donate. I finally realized its because the parents gave them a heavily bias education and never showed them how. I will definitely learn to teach my kids to be grateful when kindness or grace is shown and not just the middle finger i sometimes get even though i let others have the right of way in our dear gracious society in Singapore.

Like some forummers here said:

"You can be literate but not educated"
The best paper qualification only guarantees in a way, a certain level of academic performance.

Re: Teen ran away from home 9 times in two years

Originally Posted by wuqi256

Well done! I am proud of you. Yes, so many just blindly thinks that just because they got the highest grades = the most successful later in life. Not true, i went to a neighbourhood school, no tutors, etc. There is no guarantee these days as so many have degrees, etc. Its no longer the paper certificate that counts but the "software" inside.

Most of these "computers" that the parents build are just focused on computing maths, hang too easily, demand too much processing power and worse remains unpatched and cannot run for too long without giving "system errors" messages.

Lets not forget though a computer was first invented to help calculate things, it is no longer the case, these days the only type of computer that focuses just on calculation is called a "calculator"

bro, i believe everybody can be successful , if they got the guts to venture into business . alot of people wants to be their own boss but they have too many negative thoughts ( too many negative thoughts stop people from trying ) and maybe they are not hungry enough ? when i first landed in tokyo , i only got a few thousand sin dollars in my pocket . most of the time i only had 2 meals a day , even my rented apartment does not have a bath room ,everyday i have to pay 300yen to use a public bath .

i always believe living in a extreme harsh condition will bulid a strong character . if you happens to see japanese couple with a 3 years old kid , you will always find that the parents will walk infront of their kids ( as if the parent dont care about their kids ). if their kids accidently fall down , the kids must get up by himself or herself .even in japanese primary school , the kids here play football in a solid ground . in japan , we call it conditioning a samurai sprits for kids ...

singaporean kids are too pamper ..thats why they become like a mummy's boy even they turn adult .

Re: Teen ran away from home 9 times in two years

Originally Posted by tonychat

I do not understand why the parents has to caned the child in order to teach the child. from the report, the child did nothing wrong as she run away because she do not like to be canned and being put up so high of an expectation.

She tried her best already. I think it is the parents should be counseled and not the child.

I felt sorry for the child who has to undergo such upbringing.

Do you think it is because the mother is a teacher and that is why of the hig expectation?

I have a friend who is an engineer and the wife is a school teacher as well. Their 2 daughters did very well in their studies and they do not canned their child.

In fact the family is a very happy one and they use love and explaination way of teaching to bring up their children. The elder daughter scored 256 in her PSLE last year, i was told.

i agree with you , those parents are teaching their kids that violent can solve problem ....

Re: Teen ran away from home 9 times in two years

Originally Posted by wuqi256

I see so many rude children who just can't be bothered to express it when kindness is shown and its always a "me, me me" and "take take take" attitude. Speaking "Lame", "Lambast" when they can barely spell it just to act cool, i am sorry, its just a "Loser" attitude.

That is not a loser attitude, that is a Sinkie attitude.

A real unsinkified gentleman who has a good character and personalities will possess wisdom. This wisdom comes in when a person behave seriously like a real human being.

You need this wisdom in order to know how to behave and you need to behave properly ( unsinkifiedly) in order to gain such wisdom.

Those sinkie children who learn those disgusting sinkie ways because the parents also behave like that.