The Pessimist's guide to Engineer-talk. (what they say - what they mean)
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"That's interesting"
- Shit! I've never seen anything remotely like that before.
"We'll just run diagnostics"
- I wonder if that'll give us a clue.
"So we've eliminated XXX"
- It's probably XXX, but it's bloody hard to get at.
"I've just powered it down"
- I tripped over that bloody power cord again
"Ok, that's good"
- What the hell was that noise?!?
"We've noticed some failure evidence"
- Something's burning...
"If you'll just..."
- I don't want to be the one to blame when it crashes
"Yes, you'd expect to see that..."
- Hell, that's stuffed as well!
"We'll just fit a revision"
- We'll put the same version in from a different tape.
"A number of different approaches are being tried"
- We are still pissing in the wind.
"Extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach to the problem"
- We just hired three kids fresh out of college.
"close project coordination"
- We know who to blame.
"Major technological breakthrough"
- It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.
"Customer satisfaction is delivered assured"
- We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get
it delivered.
"preliminary operational tests were inconclusive"
- The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.
"Test results were extremely gratifying"
- We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.
"The entire concept will have to be abandoned"
- The only person who understood the thing quit.
"It is in the process"
- It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about
hopeless.
"We will look into it"
- Forget it! We have enough problems for now.
"Please note and initial"
- Let's spread the responsibility for the screw up.
"Give us the benefit of your thinking"
- We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't
interfere with what we've already done.
"Give us your interpretation"
- I can't wait to hear this bull!
"See me" or "Let's discuss"
- Come into my office, I'm lonely.
"All new"
- Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.
"Rugged"
- Too damn heavy to lift!
"Lightweight"
- Lighter than RUGGED.
"Years of development"
- One finally worked.
"Energy saving"
- Achieved when the power switch is off.
"Low maintenance"
- Impossible to fix if broken.