North Carolina Players Win Commemorative T-Shirt and Trophy for Making Millions of Dollars for School

After the North Carolina Tar Heels defeated the Gonzaga Bulldogs 71-65, the lucky Tar Heels received a special gift from the NCAA for their hard work and dedication all season long.

“We’re pleased to award the Tar Heels a commemorative NCAA-branded championship t-shirt and a shiny trophy to celebrate their big win tonight,” said NCAA spokesperson Rob Jones. “This is truly the very least we can do to support our student-athletes for their efforts.”

The North Carolina players were more than happy to accept their new wardrobe and hardware from the NCAA as it was a real reward for the countless hours of practice.

“All my life, I’ve dreamed of winning an NCAA championship,” said a teary-eyed Kennedy Meeks. “This soft, extra-large t-shirt with a goofy NCAA graphic and a trophy that will just end up in some museum is something I’ve dreamed about ever since I was a kid. It’s really a dream that a decade of AAU basketball fees and getting recruited as an 8th grader can buy.”

University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill Chancellor Cara Folt was more than delighted to see the school’s men’s basketball team win, as it meant big things to come for the university.

“I couldn’t be prouder of the team, and they’ve done the university a big service,” said Chancellor Folt. “Now more than ever is a great time to exploit these players further and make sure we have them concentrate on their game rather than schoolwork. I mean, it’s not like they went to class anyway. ”

“I wish we can pay our players for the big win, but you know, rules are rules,” Chancellor Folt continued, “but I know those players will wear that great free t-shirt with pride!”