JESUS RETURNS AS A BLACK MAN: HAS THE
HOLY CRAP BEAT’IN OUT OF HIM DURING ROUTINE TRAFFIC STOP

RICKSHAW SWAMP, MS - Sheriff’s Deputy Cletus Roy Buttonfield
of Rickshaw Swamp County, Mississippi reported pulling over a
black man suspiciously-driving a “huge purple Cadillac.” The
decorated deputy claimed the driver was playing ghetto-like
music “very loud, with a lot of bass in it” on a deserted
stretch of County Road 4211, just after midnight.

When Buttonfield asked the driver where
he was going, the man allegedly said, “I have returned,” which
caused the deputy to immediately strike the man across the head
with his Billy-stick, out of fear for his life.

Deputy Buttonfield claimed the three
dozen blows he administered to the resisting suspect didn’t have
much effect on the man, so he had no choice but to pull him from
the driver-side window and taze him several times. This too, had
no effect on the now violent suspect, who began to throw blood
from his head wounds all over the deputy’s Billy-stick.

According the official Blotter Report,
the man had a scraggly black beard and nappy hair with a spiky
twig in it. He wore tattered britches as if he’d stolen
someone’s old table cloth and worn sandals.

The official BR also stated the man ran
off into a cotton field while shouting, “I’m gonna tell my Dad
on you,” before vanishing up into the clouds.

Unfortunately, the deputy’s dash cam was
malfunctioning at the time of the incident.