A kind of calm like no other

It came when I suddenly realized that I had lost absolutely everything. I had lost my best friend of a year and a half. I had lost the working relationships that I had with countless other friends because of dealings with this best friend. I had strained the relationship between myself and our mutual best friend, putting him in a position to choose who to be with, whether or not either one of us put it into words. I had alienated myself from the circle of people that I loved so dearly. I would no longer be there for all the inside jokes, the good times, the wonderful company, excellent conversation, or infinite sadness that we all shared. I would be there for none of it. I had all but been thrown out of my second home, and I could never go back. Because you can never go back.