Frank Mulligan: Free speech that can be taxing

This may shock you: Al Gore did not invent the Internet. But this may shock you more: The Internet actually dates back to the mid-1860s.

Frank Mulligan

This may shock you:

Al Gore did not invent the Internet.

But this may shock you more:

The Internet actually dates back to the mid-1860s.

Powered by steam, access to the early Internet combined the primitive typewriter, telegraph lines, tin cans and ordinary household twine.

A web was thus spun that linked thousands of users more than a century before scholars heretofore believed it to be possible.

There remain skeptics, though, who believe this to be improbable, many pointing out that coaxial cable and twine are rarely interchangeable.

These are the same sort of naysayers who refuse to believe conclusive evidence substantiating the existence of the Loch Ness monster, the lost continent of Atlantis, and the alchemical process to extract gold from seawater.

In this instance, however, there is startling proof to support this shocking theory in the form of a copy of a transmission of Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address. The document was discovered in the attic of Mrs. Zelda D. Packer’s suburban home underneath a stack of National Geographics dating from the 1930s.

While period copies of the famed speech – you know, the one that begins “Four score and seven years ago ...” – are not rare this particular copy had actual comments on the bottom much like today’s comments solicited beneath Internet entries.

They included the following beneath the text of the speech:

William H. Seward, 147 years, six hours ago, Report ne’er do wellishness

Howe didd we elekt this giy, cant efen mace a speach.

yankeedawg, 147 years, five hours ago, Report ne’er do wellishness

Edward Everett’s remarks at Gettysburg will be remembered long after this twaddle has thankfully been forgotten.

auntiebellum, 147 years, three hours ago, Report ne’er do wellishness

“But in a larger sense we cannot dedicate – we cannot consecrate – we cannot hallow – this ground.”

Wow, way to be a downer, Abe. How about a little encouragement? This is another example of why the Republican Party will never last. It’s way too liberal.

cottongin, 147 years, 22 minutes ago, Report ne’er do wellishness

Boy, if this guy splits rails like he makes speeches there must be a lot of healthy trees standing back in Illinois.

Expert analysts have concluded that these comments were made over the early Internet and clearly establish its existence. As to why a century-long lapse in the use of Internet comment ensued remains a mystery.

Frank Mulligan is an editor in GateHouse Media New England’s Raynham, Mass., office, and can be reached at fmulliga@cnc.com.