Monday, September 13, 2010

Woman obsessed with computer game left children to eat cold baked beans.

My first thoughts: They should think themselves lucky. Baked beans are nutritious and awesome. The article focuses on the fact that they had to eat them from the can - I'd eat them from the kitchen table if it saved on the washing up!

My second thoughts: The article goes on to say that she let her dogs starve to death and rot in the living room for two months. This is clearly not so awesome. However, the kids were 10 and 13 years old. You'd figure that (a) at least one of them could make a sandwich if the beans were getting tiresome, and (b) they would know how to feed the dogs when they started looking like the hell hounds from Resident Evil.

My third thoughts: Apparently she has been banned from using computers and having internet access. This will now just spur her on to save up for a XBox360 or PS3. What she saved on groceries and dog food must surely mean she can get a sweet deal at her local Walmart.

My final thoughts: The situation was discovered by a nosey neighbor peering through her letterbox. Just how much can you see through a letterbox? "Yep, by a random placement of mirrors I can see around the corner into the living room and am counting 1..2..3.. dead dogs in a state of advanced decomposition. I can see two children well-fed but surrounded by 234 empty cans of baked beans but no dirty plates and one mother who looks like she's really kicking butt on a video game. Dang, that woman is good... she must practice a lot!" Oh, and what was the worst smell? The dead dogs or two months of continuous farting from two kids eating Baked Beans?