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Overview

An intimate, powerful, and inspiring memoir by the former First Lady of the United States

In a life filled with meaning and accomplishment, Michelle Obama has emerged as one of the most iconic and compelling women of our era. As First Lady of the United States of America—the first African American to serve in that role—she helped create the most welcoming and inclusive White House in history, while also establishing herself as a powerful advocate for women and girls in the U.S. and around the world, dramatically changing the ways that families pursue healthier and more active lives, and standing with her husband as he led America through some of its most harrowing moments. Along the way, she showed us a few dance moves, crushed Carpool Karaoke, and raised two down-to-earth daughters under an unforgiving media glare.

In her memoir, a work of deep reflection and mesmerizing storytelling, Michelle Obama invites readers into her world, chronicling the experiences that have shaped her—from her childhood on the South Side of Chicago to her years as an executive balancing the demands of motherhood and work, to her time spent at the world’s most famous address. With unerring honesty and lively wit, she describes her triumphs and her disappointments, both public and private, telling her full story as she has lived it—in her own words and on her own terms. Warm, wise, and revelatory, Becoming is the deeply personal reckoning of a woman of soul and substance who has steadily defied expectations—and whose story inspires us to do the same.

Product Details

About the Author

Michelle Robinson Obama served as First Lady of the United States from 2009 to 2017. A graduate of Princeton University and Harvard Law School, Mrs. Obama started her career as an attorney at the Chicago law firm Sidley & Austin, where she met her future husband, Barack Obama. She later worked in the Chicago mayor’s office, at the University of Chicago, and at the University of Chicago Medical Center. Mrs. Obama also founded the Chicago chapter of Public Allies, an organization that prepares young people for careers in public service.

The Obamas currently live in Washington, DC, and have two daughters, Malia and Sasha.

Reading Group Guide

“I’m an ordinary person who found herself on an extraordinary journey. In sharing my story, I hope to help create space for other stories and other voices, to widen the pathway for who belongs and why.” — MICHELLE OBAMA

1. Mrs. Obama begins her book with a story about making cheese toast on a quiet night at home, a few months after leaving the White House. Why do you think she chose this story to begin her memoir?

2. Mrs. Robinson is the opposite of a helicopter parent. She was tough and had very high expectations for her children, and she also expected them to figure some things out on their own and learn from their missteps and the process of making choices. She gave her children agency at a very young age. How did that shape Mrs. Obama? What is the balance between discipline and trust?

3. In Becoming, we get to know the constellation of Mrs. Obama’s extended family through her eyes. Her grandfather, Southside filled his house with music and makeshift speakers and merriment. Years later, Mrs. Obama would fill the White House with music and culture through live performances and several programs aimed at children. How do those kinds of early memories leave an imprint on us as we grow older? What were the sights and smells that you remember from visiting grandparents or other elders, and how have they left a mark on you?

4. In discussing her neighborhood on the South Side of Chicago, Mrs. Obama writes, “Failure is a feeling long before it becomes an actual result. It’s vulnerability that breeds with self-doubt and then is escalated, often deliberately, by fear.” How did this insight shape Mrs. Obama’s work and mission as First Lady? What can we all do—as individuals, parents, and community members—to help break this cycle?”

5. Mrs. Obama writes about the early influences of her mother, Marion Robinson, and her TV role model Mary Tyler Moore. One was a single, professional living on her own in the big city. One was a wise and supportive stay-at-home mother, who later went to work to help pay for her children’s education. Where do you see the influences of both of these women in Mrs. Obama’s life?

6. Early in her senior year at Whitney Young High School, Mrs. Obama went for an obligatory first appointment with the school college counselor. Mrs. Obama was treasurer of the senior class. She had earned a spot in the National Honor Society. She was on track to graduate in the top 10 percent of her class and she was interested in joining her older brother, Craig, at Princeton University. The guidance counselor said to her, “I’m not sure that you’re Princeton material.” How did Mrs. Obama handle hearing that statement? How does one avoid having one’s dreams dislodged by someone else’s lower expectations?

7. In high school Mrs. Obama said she felt like she was representing her neighborhood. At Princeton, faced with questions of whether she was the product of Affirmative Action programs, she felt like she was representing her race. Was that more than a feeling? Was she actually representing her communities in those settings? Have you had moments in life where you feel as though you are representing one of your communities?

8. In her early life Mrs. Obama writes about being a “box checker,” but as she gets older she learns how to “swerve” to adjust to life’s circumstances. What does it mean to swerve and how do we develop that skill in life?

9. In Becoming, Mrs. Obama describes a number of women who have served as mentors for her at different times in her life, including Czerny Brasuell, Valerie Jarrett, and Susan Sher. What do these women have in common? What lessons did Mrs. Obama learn from them about finding a fulfilling career as a parent? Who are your mentors and how do you cultivate those relationships?

10. In Chapter 15, Mrs. Obama explains why she chose to support her husband’s run for the presidency despite her misgivings about politics. What made her change her mind? Would you have made the same choice? How do you balance the competing worlds of family life and work in your life?

11. As Mrs. Obama notes, First Lady is a role without a job description. How did Mrs. Obama choose to approach the role? If you were in charge of writing the job description for the First Lady, what would you include and exclude?

12. In Becoming, Mrs. Obama writes candidly about detractors who tried to invalidate her standing or her work. “I was female, black, and strong, which to certain people, maintaining a certain mind-set, translated only to ‘angry.’ It was another damaging cliché, one that’s been forever used to sweep minority women to the perimeter of every room, an unconscious signal not to listen to what we’ve got to say.” What is the root of that “angry black woman” cliché? How and why does it do damage?

13. Throughout her life, Michelle Obama has been a meticulous planner. It is evident in her approach to her studies in high school and at Princeton. It is evident in the way she transitioned through jobs as a professional. And it is evident in the way she approached her role as First Lady. Where did that come from? How did Fraser Robinson’s approach to life impact his daughter? Are you a planner or more spontaneous? How does it impact those around you and your life?

14. In the epilogue, Mrs. Obama writes, “I’ve never been a fan of politics, and my experience over the last ten years has done little to change that.” Did you find her statement surprising? Do you think politics is an effective way to make social change?

15. Why do you think Michelle Obama chose to name her memoir Becoming? What does the idea of “becoming” mean to you?

ADDITIONAL QUESTIONS AND FURTHER CONVERSATION

1. Mrs. Obama writes that her parents talked to her and Craig like adults, “indulg[ing] every question we asked,” from juvenile complaints about breakfast to more serious topics like sex, drugs, and racism. How did Fraser and Marian Robinson’s parenting strategy influence Mrs. Obama later in life? Do you agree that parents should answer their children’s questions honestly, or do you think it’s better to shield them from the messiness of adult life?

2. Early in Mrs. Obama’s life, a young relative asks her, “How come you talk like a white girl?” Mrs. Obama came from a home where she was expected to be smart and to “own” her smartness and “inhabit it with pride” but lived in a neighborhood where “speaking a certain way—the ‘white’ way, as some would have it—was perceived as a betrayal . . . as somehow denying our culture.” What is it like to live straddled across different worlds? What is like to harbor ambitions that put you at odds with the community and the people you love and trust the most?

3. In thinking about the students who acted out in her second-grade classroom, Mrs. Obama writes, “Kids know at a very young age when they’re being devalued.” Is this a dynamic you’ve witnessed in your own community? How do you make the children in your life feel valued?

4. When Mrs. Obama’s friend Suzanne is diagnosed with terminal cancer, it destabilizes Mrs. Obama’s view of “the world as it should be.” How does Mrs. Obama cope with Suzanne’s death, and the death of her father the following year? How did these early experiences of loss shape her decision to step off the career path of a corporate lawyer?

5. As a young professional, Mrs. Obama seemingly had it all—a great job, a great wardrobe, and a clear path to great things in a top-notch Chicago law firm. But she writes, “In my blinding drive to excel, in my need to do things perfectly, I’d missed the signs and taken the wrong road.” She decides to change careers to focus on public service—a move that surprises some who were close to her. What is the value of listening to that little voice that suggests you might be on the wrong path even though the world thinks you are doing exactly the right thing? How do you support someone who decides to follow their own path or create a new one?

6. In describing her relationship with her husband, Mrs. Obama writes, “Coexisting with Barack’s strong sense of purpose—sleeping in the same bed with it, sitting at the breakfast table with it—was something to which I had to adjust, not because he flaunted it, exactly, but because it was so alive.” How did this sense of purpose affect their life as a married couple? Do you have someone in your life who supports or shares your own sense of purpose?

7. Life on the campaign trail was a constant education for Mrs. Obama. Among the lessons was the power in people coming together to see her and to see each other eye to eye. “I’ve learned that it’s harder to hate up close.” How do we create spaces where people can come together to talk, listen, and share stories and ideals to build stronger communities, even when people might not agree or share the same history or perspective? How do we as a nation push back against cynicism and the “us vs. them” battles that so often divide us?

8. There is an oft-cited maxim in the black community: You’ve got to be twice as good to get half as far. Mrs. Obama said the First Family felt the weight of that statement when they moved into the White House. “Any error or lapse in judgment, we knew, would be magnified, read as something more than what it was.” What is the reality rooted in that twice as good/half as far maxim that so many parents pass on to their children? Why and how would that maxim feel familiar to some and surprising to others?

9. Mrs. Obama writes about the lives of people who influenced her world view as she entered her role as First Lady. How are we shaped by the role models in our histories? How do we bring our own histories, cultures and experiences into spaces where they have never existed?

10. When describing her visit to the Elizabeth Garrett Anderson School in London, Mrs. Obama finds herself experiencing “a strange, quiet revelation: They were me, as I’d once been. And I was them, as they could be.” What did it mean for the girls to see themselves in Mrs. Obama? Why does she feel such a connection to these girls, and to girls’ education more generally? How did she use her visibility as First Lady to bring attention to these issues?

11. In Chapter 23, when describing her visit to Harper High School, Mrs. Obama writes, “America is not a simple place. Its contradictions set me spinning.” How did these contradictions play out in the lives of the students at Harper? What are the barriers to ending gun violence in their community and throughout the country? After reading this chapter are you optimistic that these barriers can be surmounted?

12. Malia and Sasha Obama were young children when their father was elected president. How did the Obamas balance the need to protect their daughters’ safety with the desire to allow them to grow and become independent? How do you handle the pressures of the outside world with the children in your life?

13. Mrs. Obama writes about being “flung out of my world.” It is something she experienced time and time again, transferring to Whitney Young, moving to Princeton as one of the few African American students on campus, joining the juggernaut of a presidential campaign, and moving into the White House. She writes: “You don’t really know how attached you are until you move away, until you’ve experienced what it means to be dislodged, a cork floating on the ocean of another place.” What is the value of being flung out of one’s world? What do we learn about how Mrs. Obama handled transitions as she got older, wiser, and more experienced? What is the best advice for young people who find themselves in new or uncomfortable terrain?

14. Mrs. Obama has surrounded herself with a strong and supportive circle of friends from an early age. In some cases the circle was within reach; as she got older and busier, she had to work harder to create and maintain her circle of support. She writes “Friendships between women, as any woman will tell you, are built of a thousand small kindnesses . . . swapped back and forth and over again.” How did she create the building blocks of strong friendships in her life? What is the value in creating and maintaining a circle of strength?

15. Mrs. Obama will always be remembered for her fabulous sense of style. Many of her fashion choices were strategic and she writes, “My clothes, I was learning, were an extension of my voice.” How did she speak to America and the world through what some call “fashion diplomacy”? How and when do you use clothing or accessories as an extension of your voice?

A CONVERSATION WITH MICHELLE OBAMA Q. What was unexpected about the writing process?

A. The process turned out to be really meaningful for me. I spent a lot of time just reflecting and thinking, which is something I just didn’t have much time to do for about a decade. Once Barack began his campaign for president, every day felt like a sprint. So it was nice to decompress a little bit and ask myself, “How did I get here? Where did my story take a turn?” I uncovered a lot of smaller moments—moments that folks might not know about, but that I realized were really foundational to the woman I became.Q. What did you hope to accomplish in writing your memoir?

A. My main hope was to create something that could be useful to other people, to give them something they could use in their own lives. So I focused on telling my story as honestly as I could. I’m not settling scores or giving a political play-by-play. I hoped to bring people inside the experience of growing up a working-class black girl on the South Side of Chicago who became First Lady of the United States. It’s all of me, all right there on those pages, which means I feel a little vulnerable knowing what I’m putting out there. But I hope if I can share my story, with all its ups and downs, then other people might have the courage to share theirs, too. Q. You write candidly that your time as a lawyer was not a happy period in your career. What advice would you give people who are unsure about their path and who need a little help figuring out their passion?

A. If you’re someone who’s lucky enough to think about fulfillment in your career—and there are a lot of people out there who aren’t—I think the best thing you can do is listen to yourself. I mean, really, really listen. You’ve got to make sure you’re not acting on someone else’s expectations. That’s where I got stuck. I spent my early adulthood checking the boxes I thought society expected of me, before I realized that it was making me miserable. I went through a lot of introspection. I did some journaling. And I realized that what I really wanted to do was help people, so I set off on a career of public service. So what I’d say is do your best to listen to yourself and tune out the rest.Q.During your life you have experienced highs and lows but also so many unimaginable circumstances. How have you adapted to the unpredictability of the journey that has unfolded in your life?

A. I learned that sometimes you’ve just got to throw your hands up and let the roller coaster do its thing. There’s no guidebook for anything, whether you’re juggling two little kids, a demanding job, and a husband who’s got big goals—or you’re parenting two slightly older kids while figuring out which form of address to use with the prime minister seated next to you at dinner.Q.You write about your inner struggle, at times questioning whether or not you’re good enough. Do you have any input on how to quell self-doubt?

A. I may have had some successes in my life, but I can still feel the twinge of embarrassment from when I misspelled a word in front of my class when I was in kindergarten. I still remember the doubts I had about myself as a working-class minority student on an affluent, mostly white college campus. I think we all carry moments like that—and let me tell you, they don’t disappear when you suddenly find yourself speaking to crowded arenas and meeting the Queen of England. What’s helped is getting older and living through some of those doubts, and realizing they’re not the end of your life. In fact, they can be a new beginning. It doesn’t make the feelings any less difficult in the moment, of course, but in the end, self-doubt can actually be useful, as long as we don’t let it overwhelm the way we think about ourselves. It’s all a part of becoming.

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Editorial Reviews

Becoming divulges some details that the Obamas haven't discussed publicly before…But it's the moments when [Michelle] Obama tries to make sense of what she's seeing now, in the country, that are among the most movingif only because she's so clearly struggling to reconcile the cleareyed realism of her upbringing, brought about by necessity, with the glamorous, previously unthinkable life she has today…For all the attempts by conservatives a decade ago to paint her as a radical, Obama seems to be a measured, methodical centrist at heart. But hers isn't a wan faith in expanding the pie and crossing the aisle. Her pragmatism is tougher than that, even if it will come across as especially frustrating to those who believe that centrism and civility are no longer enough. As she writes in Becoming, she long ago learned to recognize the "universal challenge of squaring who you are with where you come from and where you want to go."

The New York Times - Jennifer Szalai

11/19/2018The former first lady looks back on an unlikely rise to the top while navigating issues of race and gender in this warmhearted memoir. Obama's narrative is the story of an African-American striver, born to a working-class family in a Chicago ghetto, who got Princeton and Harvard degrees and prominent jobs in law and public relations, attended at every step by the nagging question, "Am I good enough?" ("Yes I am," she answers). It's also about her struggle to keep husband Barack's high-powered political career from subsuming her identity and the placid family life she preferred to the electoral frenzy—she disavows any desire for public office herself—while she weathered misgivings over work-life balance and marital strains that required couples' counseling. Becoming the first lady ratchets up the pressure as Obama endures the Secret Service security bubble, has every public utterance and outfit attacked by opponents, gets pilloried as a closet radical, and soldiers on with healthy-food initiatives. Obama surveys most of this with calm good humor—"infuriating" Republican obstructionism and Donald Trump's "misogyny" draw her ire—while painting an admiring, sometimes romantic portrait of Barack and evoking pathos over her parents' sacrifices for their children. There are no dramatic revelations and not much overt politics here, but fans of the Obamas will find an interesting, inspiring saga of quiet social revolutions. Photos. (Nov.)

Publishers Weekly

06/01/2018From the former First Lady, here's a memoir starting with her childhood on Chicago's South Side and leading to her life at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, where she raised her children gracefully while representing the United States to the world. Oh, yes, and she'll appear at the opening general session of the 2018 ALA annual conference in New Orleans.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

I enjoyed reading this story and feel that we can all learn something from it. It is not about a black family as much as it is about family values and the value of an education and the sacrifices made by wonderful and loving parents. I hope that this book will be widely read. It gave me a feeling of hope in seemingly hopeless times.

Anonymous

3 months ago

Loved it!! So easy to read and I felt like I could hear Michele&rsquo;s voice reading it to me!!!

Anonymous

3 months ago

A fascinating & engaging read, the book's title is apt. Divided into three sections, Becoming Me, Becoming Us, Becoming More, Michelle Obama shares her life with humor, love, & honesty, love, interests, flaws & challenges.
Like her or not, this book helps us see the girl, woman, wife, mother & first lady. She's honest about her ego, experiences, & passions.
Recommended for everyone.

Anonymous

3 months ago

I&rsquo;m about to buy this book and read it with enthusiasm. I admire Michelle Obama and am eager to find out what makes her tick.
To those who have submitted terribly hateful reviews and haven&rsquo;t even read the book, to hell with your negativity, racism and dark souls.

Anonymous

3 months ago

Elegant and graceful, full of love and kindness,

Anonymous

3 months ago

There were so many relatable nuggets of wisdom. I have to read it again now with a highlighter! Well done Mrs. Obama, Well done!

Anonymous

3 months ago

Excellent read from a wonderful. warm and open woman.......she is not perfect but at least she tried which is more than her critics have ever done......so proud she was our First Lady................

Anonymous

3 months ago

Proud she can share her truth with others!

Anonymous

3 months ago

Been ready to read this book it will be brilliant

Anonymous

3 months ago

Enjoyed+every+page.+

Anonymous

3 months ago

Cannot wait to discuss with others, on my second read.

Anonymous

3 months ago

Mrs. Obama, is an AMAZING story teller.

Ashleey

3 months ago

Wow!! I’m really sad to see the negative reviews from people who didn’t even read the book and more than likely part of the MAGA agenda! B&N should really remove reviews from people who did not purchase the book from B&N! The fake negative reviews are shameful. However I read ALOT of this book and all I can say is WOW! She really opened up so much and put it all out there. This book will truly give people strength and hope on so many levels. I can’t wait to see her on tour in December! Don’t listen to the negative reviews from people who didn’t even read the book. Make sure to pick up a copy. You won’t regret it.

Anonymous

3 months ago

Ordered in a split second!! Also a great gift for the Holidays!!

Anonymous

3 months ago

Outstanding read.....unable to put it down

Anonymous

3 months ago

A wonderful and open story of an amazing woman. Thank you for letting us in on your journey of becoming!

Anonymous

3 months ago

This book is everything I expected and more. This beautifully passionate woman always captivates you with her words and as a woman, inspires me to do better. In this book, she shares her honorable journey and has the power to lighten your heart. I WOULD HIGHLY RECOMMEND TO ANYONE.

Anonymous

3 months ago

What an enlightening and captivating read. Too bad we have so many wasting energy and being failures at derailing this wonderful book.

Anonymous

22 days ago

This book is honest and real.

Anonymous

23 days ago

You deserve a metal for sharing so vividly and honestly your time in the White House.
I was exhausted just reading about your schedule, your concerns, the programs you created. I think you emerged after your 8 + years even more beautiful in so many ways.
Because President Obama was such a beautiful speaker I never missed listening to him because I new I would learn and understand more about our government than i ever thought possible.
Thank you for helping me return to the wonderful years when we could be so proud of out President and his spectacular First Lady. The Country was truly fortunate to have 8 years of absolute class!!!
I wish you both well as you enjoy very well deserved private lives.
Thank you again for writing a very important work of history.

Anonymous

24 days ago

Refreshing to read that a woman can function so successfully as scholar, lawyer community activist, first lady of our country, and never lose her footing as a loving daughter, wife, mother, and friend. Written beautifully and honestly.

Anonymous

24 days ago

The candor and compassion throughout this book delighted and inspired. I hope all women of all ages take the time to read this insightful book regardless of their politics. It speaks to mothers, sisters, daughters, friends and all of us who need to celebrate our own hi journeys together. Yes. We. Can.

Anonymous

28 days ago

Michelle Obama's story is one we all need to raise us up when we feel low. Mahalo Michelle Obama for your warmth and leadership and perseverance.

Anonymous

29 days ago

Amazing Book! She&rsquo;s a great writer and an inspirational icon to women young and old. She reminds us all we can be everything we see in our dreams and then some. Thank you so much for all the change you made happen.

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