Drowning

For most of my life my most favorite time of the day was at night when I was asleep. I used to have the best most explorative dreams. It was fantastic. Only rarely did I have any part of my dream become a nightmare. About 6 years ago that all changed. Almost every single night I would dream I was on the verge of drowning. Every night some type of body of water was inserted into my dream at some point. I would always be on the very edge of either falling or driving into or having a creek rise to the point of a flood, so the water slowly creeped closer and closer to me. This happened to me every night without fail. After a while I became afraid to go near any type of body of water. That is until it stopped. 2 years ago after I was fired from my job these nightmares completely disappeared until a few months ago when I began working at another job where I utlimately was let go as well and again the nightmares disappeared.

What I realized is that it wasn't the water that was suffocating me in real life, it was the jobs and the management at these jobs. Both drowned my spirit and I just existed to make a living. The first job I enjoyed at times, the second, not so much. I was in reality being suffocated by the environment of these jobs. I tried to be strong and endure it.I didn't want to be some quitter that can't take a little abuse to make a living.

So sure I'm still leery of water, though I know that it was just a metaphor for the suffocation I felt in real life. I remember at that first job (it wasn't my first job, it was the the one before the second), it was so hard, the management so critical, that everyday I went to work I thought it was that day I would get fired. It wasn't until I lost that feeling that it did actually happen. Isn't that ironic?
I do still on occasion have a nightmare here and there; though, thank goodness I don't have to endure it everynight. I finally get to have those explorative fantastic dreams again.

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