Monday, May 9, 2011

Re-Post: Jett Samuel {And an unexpected Mother's Day gift}

I originally wrote this on June of last year. I was in the middle of walking through something I wanted to share...I felt called to share. We had just lost Mia's twin.

When I was pregnant and in my battle to keep my daughter Faith alive, I was very guarded. I kept it all in, feeling as though I needed to fight it on my own. I didn't want to talk about it, and I didn't want people talking to me about it because I was afraid they would say something that would put fear or doubt in my mind.

And then we lost her. And I guarded myself even more.

When we got pregnant again after Faith and found out it was twins, I knew part of my testimony was to speak about it, declare God's glory...celebrate. I didn't want the enemy to steal my joy. After we lost one of the twins, I knew even more that this idea of starting a blog that had been looming in my heart and mind, to share my journey, my testimony, my heart... was even more important. And so I did. This was the second post I had written.

Yesterday, was Mother's Day and as I was celebrating with my 3 precious, precious, gifts straight from heaven, I was also remembering my babies in Heaven. Imagining them in Jesus' arms and dancing in fields of hydrangeas.

I took a bit of time to read back through some of my older posts, thankful that I had them to reflect on. I came across this one and 2 comments from an "anonymous" commenter that had just posted yesterday....Mother's Day. When I read through it all, I cried. Not out of sadness, but just out of a completely overflowing heart of thankfulness- for my my kids, for the things I've walked through, and to God...for continuing to send small messages my way that He is in all things, that He loves me, and that He loves to see me smile....even through tears.

Since finding out we were pregnant with twins, I knew in my heart it was a boy and girl and we always knew we would name our next son Judah Charles and this little girl was to be named Glory. Asher has always been very involved with the pregnancy, he loves to go to the Dr. appointments with us especially if it's an ultrasound and as much as we've been there over the years, he is very familiar with the office and with "Dr. Cott" {Dr. Scott} as he calls him. When I was pregnant with Isabella, he would go to almost every appointment with me and each time, he somehow snuck a toy block or two from the waiting room into his pocket and by the end of the pregnancy he had a nice little collection. We still have those blocks mixed in with our other ones!

So, of course he was so excited when we told him there were two babies in mommy's tummy. One of his first responses was "I can't wait to see their little hands!" He has also been very vocal about what he thought the boy baby's name should be. For some reason, he got stuck on and loved the name "Jett"...where he heard it, I have no idea but when I would correct him and tell him the baby boy's name is Judah, he just wasn't ok with it. I tried to explain to him that just like Jesus helped us name him Asher, He also helped us name our new baby boy Judah. It didn't fly. I thought for sure Jesus could convince him...apparently not.

The day we found out we lost one of the babies, he wasn't with us. Thank God because I ended up crying then and there in the room....he is so sensitive to my emotions and I know he would never have forgotten it if he'd been there. So, knowing I would have to tell him, I asked the Lord for the words and thought I had a little time to think about how I would tell him, but shortly after we got home, Asher being Asher, asked right away what happened at the Dr... I was sitting on the floor with him so we were eye level and he was looking at me right in the face. My eyes started to tear up so I turned away quickly and told him we would talk about it later but, Asher being Asher again, insisted I tell him. I looked back at his little face and said "Asher, we found out today that one of the babies has already gone to heaven." His immediate response was, "So there is still one in your tummy!?" I love that he saw it that way right away. Isn't that how we should all always be? What child like faith, what sweet innocence and acknowledgment for what we do have.

That night I let him lay in bed with me for a little bit-- it's where some of our most sweetest, profound conversations have happened. He asked me if the baby that went to heaven was a boy or girl and I told him we didn't know yet. He asked that if he prayed to Jesus to tell him, if I thought Jesus would. I told him we could pray and ask Jesus if he really wanted to know. So we did.

Yesterday, when we went to our follow up Dr. appointment, to check on the baby and to sneak a peek at what it was, my sister Jacquelin stayed with the kids. She told me a story that makes my heart smile and I know was my sweet Jesus reminding me once again that He is in the midst of this. Asher told her that one of the babies in mommy's tummy went to heaven and that it was the boy, and his name was Jett. We found out at that Dr.'s appointment that he was right. We were expecting a little girl.

One day, we will have another boy and his name will be Judah, but for the little boy we lost, I think it's pretty much been decided his name is Jett. He was named by his big brother Asher and a little help from his friend Jesus.

I have to say they did a pretty good job, turns out Jett is a Hebrew name (who knew!) for excellence, abundance, and riches. We always called these babies our double portion and we still do. One of them is just waiting for us in heaven. God is so good- ALL the time!

******** Here are the comments that were left on the original post yesterday:

Anonymous said...

"I found this interesting information online. It's about Jett's name...

"This surname JETT was from the vernacular form of the Hebrew male given name of YEHUDA (or) JUDAH the name of Jacob's eldest son."

Is Asher perhaps a Hebrew scholar in addition to being a loving big brother?

I felt blessed beyond measure yesterday, not only through the gifts and love given to me by my husband and kids, but from my sweet Lord as well...I don't think it's coincidence at all that he decided to remind me almost 1 year later on Mothers Day, that He was and is, in all things. It may not seem like much to you, but for me it was. He is such a good and loving God and He never stops reminding me. I am completely content, overwhelmingly happy and beyond blessed with our little family as it is now...with my sweet 3. But I do feel and know in my heart that we will have a 4th one day, when the time is right again...and who knows maybe it will be our little Judah.