I've been a performing musician now for two years, two as a bassist and for the last 2months, a drummer.

My problem- my family are non-musicians and seem militant in their disgust for my music.
What makes it worse is that I'm a Christian Rock drummer, and my family (for the majority) are strict atheists.
So this is causing a lot of tension and stress, mostly for me. Up until now, only my (Christian) grandparents have been to hear me play anything, at a small university event. I can't talk about playing music with them, and I can't even really play drums in the house.

Anyone got any idea what I could do to help sort this out? I've tried explaining to them how much it means but nothing has got through.

I've been a performing musician now for two years, two as a bassist and for the last 2months, a drummer.

My problem- my family are non-musicians and seem militant in their disgust for my music.
What makes it worse is that I'm a Christian Rock drummer, and my family (for the majority) are strict atheists.
So this is causing a lot of tension and stress, mostly for me. Up until now, only my (Christian) grandparents have been to hear me play anything, at a small university event. I can't talk about playing music with them, and I can't even really play drums in the house.

Anyone got any idea what I could do to help sort this out? I've tried explaining to them how much it means but nothing has got through.

There comes a time in ones life when you have to do what you do and be what you are. The only other alternative is to be something you're not and do something you hate. Nobody said it would be easy. But it can be a painful ordeal. I think that you have to see what this is saying to you, as a Christian and as a human being. Ultimately, you may be asked to make a some very hard decisions, and the only way is having the strength to make them.based on your convictions and your own sense of well being.

Do what makes you happy. I'm an atheist too, but imposing beliefs is not the way to go around a productive solution. In this World, we have too little time to be upset or tense and if it's what you enjoy, you need to do it for your own sake.

I have a similar issue;
I like heavy metal bands like Iron Maiden, Ozzy, Metallica, Judas Priest, Deep Purple, and other great bands like that. But, my parents dont seen to understand that I only listen to them and play what they play because it sounds amazing. Take for instance "stairway to heaven" by Led Zeppelin - My dad yells at me every time i play the intro to that, or any part of the song for that matter. They dont understand that we like the music ONLY for the music, not for its satanic origins. Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, and The Beatles were 3 major founders of rock n roll. Yet, they were some of the wackiest of the bunch.

Tell your parents how much you love making music, and how it gives you an output for expression. IF they really just sit down and hear you all the way through before they interrupt, they may understand. But dont force it upon them. They're still your parents, and you have to respect them. Weather you like it or not.

So, just have a grown-up, sit-down conversation. Tell them how much you love making music, and how much it means to you that you can express yourself through percussion. If they understand that, then they may relax on the whole Athiest thing.

There's no argument like success. If you set goals, actively pursue them, and achieve them, your folks won't have a leg to stand on. If you can be happy and support yourself as a musician, they should support you. If they don't, that's their problem not yours.

If I may speculate, I would imagine their opposition has more to do with the religious aspects of this situation than the fact that you want to play music.

Usually it's the other way around--religious parents disapprove of their non-religious kid, but in either case, the parents' main concern should be the kid's happiness and security. Those often get overlooked because of ideological differences.

I'm getting frustrated just reading this. Move out as soon as you can, or give them some sort of treatment. "You don't like me playing music, I don't like talking to you". "You don't like christian rock, I don't like your pasta." It seems dumb, but it will eventually annoy them to the point where they actually want to have a reasonable discussion, where you can express your feelings and expose their irrational thinking.

I don't think it appropriate to pull the silent treatment on ones parents. It's their house. If things aren't proper and you are of age, the thing to do is to move out. If finances are a problem then grin and bear it until you get the cash, then dash.

I've been a performing musician now for two years, two as a bassist and for the last 2months, a drummer.

My problem- my family are non-musicians and seem militant in their disgust for my music.
What makes it worse is that I'm a Christian Rock drummer, and my family (for the majority) are strict atheists.
So this is causing a lot of tension and stress, mostly for me. Up until now, only my (Christian) grandparents have been to hear me play anything, at a small university event. I can't talk about playing music with them, and I can't even really play drums in the house.

Anyone got any idea what I could do to help sort this out? I've tried explaining to them how much it means but nothing has got through.

Hello, mate.

It seems that they really got a hold on you...move forward and up, follow your heart.

F*** them. This is what makes you happy, this is what you are passionate about. Tell them that... if they aren't happy for you, or at least respectful of you and your career, then seriously... repeat my first two words of this paragraph.

Regardless of what society tells you, your family is just another group of people who you can choose to love or ignore. If they persist in bringing you down, make them the latter.

anyway... i have sort of the same problem, only on a much smaller scale. i just have to put up listening through headphones and lap-drumming. but dude, for your age and spiritual orientation, how can they NOT let you?? isn't it supposed to be up to you since you're an independent now?

i can only say do what you feel is right, rather than what you think is right. go with your groove, don't let anything break it.

God be with you

P.S.
music is air, music is water, music is life. i hope you can show that to your parents.

Last edited by vanntolentino; 11-04-2008 at 02:20 PM.
Reason: just a sudden inspiration. :)

I had sort of the same problem growing up, except both my parents, my older bro and I, plus all the immediate family were Christians. It wasn't about religion, it was about me as an individual. You see, my parents were older than most when they had kids, so we had that WWII mentality, the Depression, etc. In Texas, you walked the line and didn't step out of line, or else!! It was all about tradition and not "rocking the boat",so to speak. When my dad passed away, my mother sort of tried to keep me around, not let me do anything, let me go anywhere, etc. School, church, and maybe a social function or two, but that was it. And I damn sure wasn't going to move out or move away, at least that was the opinion of every adult around me. My drums and several really close friends were about all I had to keep me sane.

Looking back, hind sight and all, it was that age between about 18 - 23 that was the most difficult. People trying to control, manipulte, and demand what they wanted my life to be. That in itself really screws up someone - an individual not being allowed to be himself or herself. Don't get me wrong, I loved my parents very much, but at that age instead of having fu**ing EVERYONE trying to control what I did, I should have been encouraged to step out, explore, and try things to see what I like and dislike.

My advice is: GET OUTTA THE HOUSE AND FIND YOUR OWN PLACE!!!!

Eventually, that is the only way everyone around you will finally accept who you are and what you want. If it takes co-oping with several of your buddies to afford an apartment, do it. In the long run, you'll be glad you did and be stronger for it.

I've been a performing musician now for two years, two as a bassist and for the last 2months, a drummer.

My problem- my family are non-musicians and seem militant in their disgust for my music.
What makes it worse is that I'm a Christian Rock drummer, and my family (for the majority) are strict atheists.
So this is causing a lot of tension and stress, mostly for me. Up until now, only my (Christian) grandparents have been to hear me play anything, at a small university event. I can't talk about playing music with them, and I can't even really play drums in the house.

Anyone got any idea what I could do to help sort this out? I've tried explaining to them how much it means but nothing has got through.

Sorry, but I gotta laugh at this. Most parents would be freaked out if their kids announced they were atheist. Now, your family is atheist and they're freaked out you play in a religious band! Clearly, you live in Europe. My observation is that most atheists are pretty tolerant of any religion that does not involve Christ, but you will quickly find the limits of openmindedness if you mention Christianity.

You can't change others and they can't change you. I just wouldn't mention that part of my life to them. They're obviously not ready for you to come out of the closet on this.

How old are you? You hinted you still live with your parents. Until you move out of the house and are on your own, they have considerable power over what you do, whether you like it or not. Maybe find a friend and do music over at his house. If they really want to be mean, they can more or less deny you the ability to play music and practice your religion.

It sounds like it's about them validating their values and tastes through you - they see you as rejecting them. Music and religion are healthy choices young people may make as they mature. If they use their power as parents to take these things from you, they should know that they will damage their relationship with you as you move into adulthood.

Yeah, so long as you live in Ma and Pa's home you pretty much have to play their gig...I am with the others on this; you are old enough MOVE, RUN, Don't WALK, find a place with your buds and you will have so many other problems that the family thing will seem minor in comparison...ROFL.

I have a similar issue;
. Take for instance "stairway to heaven" by Led Zeppelin - My dad yells at me every time i play the intro to that, or any part of the song for that matter. They dont understand that we like the music ONLY for the music, not for its satanic origins.

I've been a performing musician now for two years, two as a bassist and for the last 2months, a drummer.

My problem- my family are non-musicians and seem militant in their disgust for my music.
What makes it worse is that I'm a Christian Rock drummer, and my family (for the majority) are strict atheists.
So this is causing a lot of tension and stress, mostly for me. Up until now, only my (Christian) grandparents have been to hear me play anything, at a small university event. I can't talk about playing music with them, and I can't even really play drums in the house.

Anyone got any idea what I could do to help sort this out? I've tried explaining to them how much it means but nothing has got through.

You say you are a performing musician for the last 2 years. Can you give a little more detail about that?
Are you just playing once in while, or do you play regularly and can you make a living or at least close to make a living with your music.
As far as I know you are 21, maybe your parents want to see that you actually getting somewhere with what you are doing.
I am just a little sceptical here, because I've seen it and experienced myself as a parent.
Religious belief beside, are your parents feed you ,cloth you ,and put a roof over your head, or are you contributing in any of these matters.
Do they see that you regularly gig, or you go out once or twice a month play somewhere and the rest of the time you sit at home play video games and drums.
Do you have a job to support your drumming, or do play enough so your art supports itself?
I only heard your side of the story, I would like to hear your parents side too.