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Sunday, March 16, 2014

Celebration Station: Day 16-Mrs. Wigglebottom

Day 16

Today
we visit with that intrepid of authors, Mrs. Wigglebottom as she shares her latest tawdry adventure:

Mrs. Wigglebottom and the Balloon that Gets
About by Being Filled with Heat and Water

Mrs Wigglebottom had a very important
meeting to attend. Because she was an important person. Even though she was a
lady, and living in the time period she lived in where women; which is what she
was; were not thought of as being very important at all. But, Mrs. Wigglebottom
was special. She was special because she is smart. She is a smart lady, with a
nice figure. And everyone knows that if ladies are smart they are not normal
women at all. Nor are they men either. Because she was not born with parts that
would have made her a man, or even a boy. So she must suffer through being a
lady, even if she is a lady-woman with a good figure and a fine brain. That is
by saying she had a fine brain that she is smart. With a good body.

Mrs. Wigglebottom felt daunted with the
task ahead of her. Daunted is a word that someone smart like her would have
used, it is in the dictionary before “haunted” but shortly after “dairy”. If
Mrs. Wigglebottom had been a cow she would not have to need to worry about her
important meeting at all. However, she was a lady, and she was indeed very
worried and extremely daunted by her upcoming very important meeting. She felt
so daunted or scared, unsettled, afraid, intimidated about her task/meeting
that she decided to hire or take on an assistant. The assistant was arriving
today and Mrs. Wigglebottom would have to get her up to speed if she was to
make her task-meeting.

Noticed that we said “she”? Yes! Surprise!
Mrs. Wigglebottom’s assistant was another LADY!!!! Mrs. Wigglebottom would
hardly contain her excitement about meeting the new assistant. She thought of
different ways to stage there meeting and thought it would be best to do
something dramatic. Because Mrs. Wigglebottom is British. That is in England
somewhere, where they do things dramatic all the time and put it on Masterpeice
theater. Only Mrs Wigglebottom would not have seen it because she lived in a
time before teevees.

Though they did have lots of neat
inventions because she lived in a time period where different things may or may
not have been invented yet because they used steam and cogs to make things work
instead of power and gas like we do now. Plus she lived in Englishland where
they got things way after Americans did. So she may not have seen teevee for a
long time anyways.

Mrs. Wigglebottom booked passage for her
and her new companion to meet on the great airship “The Fancy Pantsy”. It was a
balloon. A balloon that used steam so get around. Steam and gears, and probably
air. It is really hard to tell exactly how the ship worked because the makers
are so secretive about it, they don’t want the world to know. Or YOU to know.
Which I bet makes you pretty curious. It does Mrs Wigglebottom too. Her secret
mission is to get the plans of the ship. But we should not talk about that yet
because that will be told when she has her meeting later on and we are not
supposed to know about it, yet. But I was so excited about it I had to tell
someone.

“The Fancy Pantsy” is big enough to hold a
lot of people. But small enough to fly in the air and get around pretty well
for a giant balloon full of people. One might call it a “Zeppelin” but everyone
knows that those things don’t fly because they are made of lead and very, very
heavy. They probably make very nice balloon shaped doorstoppers. “The Fancy
Pantsy” was the pride and joy of Col. Brigadeer Leftbridge Rightman. The Col.
was the owner and operator of the “Fancy Pantsy” and he was also the president,
of the company that owned the plans for the ship. The plans that Mrs.
Wigglebottom are supposed to steal, but we don’t know that yet. The Col. was a
great admirer of Mrs. Wigglebottom and there was a time that she may have been
called Mrs. Rightman. Not because the two of them are related, but because she
wanted to marry the Col. but he turned her down because he was an Army man and
felt that he could not share her with his whole troupe, though Mrs.
Wigglebottom was not complaining about that possibility at all.

Once on board, Mrs. Wigglebottom moved
quietly through the throngs of people. A throng is when there are a lot of
people together but not as many as a horde, no matter what MS Word says.
Besides these people are alive and not dead so they cannot be a horde. But rest
assured if they were dead, Mrs. Wigglebottom would get to the bottom of that
mystery toot sweet!

She searched the crowd for her new
assistant/companion. The lady said she would be wearing a red carnation. That
is something that people do when they meet each other for the first time and
they want to make is special. Mrs. Wigglebottom felt this meeting was going to
be very special and that soon they would be having dinner because it had been
such a long time since lunch and she was getting very, very hungry. Suddenly,
out of the corner of her eye, she spotted a red carnation.

She went up to the woman with a broad smile
and asked: “Miss Fussybuttons?”

Mrs. Wigglebottom lives in England, where they eatstrange foods and talk in funny accents. She has three cats, all named Jim, and dosen't know how to drive because she is a Victorian and they don't have vehicles in her time period yet. Sometimes she forgets her first name, and is fairly sure she never married so there is no Mr. Wigglebottom. She just likes how the Mrs. in Mrs. Wigglebottom sounds when folks say her name aloud. You can't find her on the web because she is Victorian, and they don't have silly things like the interwebs yet, remember?