Carl Alasko: Staying flexible and calm

Dear Dr. Alasko: I'm about to turn 60 and I notice I have a lot more anxiety about things that never bothered me before. For one thing, taking a vacation for a couple weeks: I worry a lot more about leaving home and don't look forward to the trip like I used to. My doctor suggested an occasional anti-anxiety pill but I don't think I need medication. Do you have some suggestions?

Dear Reader: One aspect of aging that you don't hear much about is the increase of anxiety over ordinary events. Taking a trip, receiving guests, even planning a dinner can create unexpected anxiety. But if you think about it, an increase in anxiousness is a logical part of aging. Our ability to process any kind of sensory input becomes more difficult because our nervous system loses some of its resilience, just as do our muscles, eyes, arteries, bones and every other darn part of our body.

Healthy young adults can leave for a trip with minimal planning and luggage, figuring things out as they happen. To them it's all an adventure.

As we age, however, our resilience atrophies. We prefer more predictability and comfort. That's why cruises are so popular with older travelers. We also become more conventional in our thinking, less accepting of different ideas and life styles.

The axiom — use it or lose it — applies to everything, especially our nervous system. Either stretch and exert those neurological impulses or they'll calcify and eventually cease working altogether. This axiom is equally valid for our emotions, creativity and intellectual flexibility.

There is, in the meantime, a common treatment for all varieties of anxiety. It works for situational anxiousness (that's provoked by an event) as well as existential anxiety (that's caused by being alive and able to think). This technique has been around for millennia: using your breath. Because breathing is your most immediate biological need, how you breathe instantly influences everything.

Here's a method that's extremely effective and you can do anywhere. Sit comfortably and count slowly to five as you inhale, then repeat as you exhale. It also helps to say to yourself: "I can relax deeply." Or, "I am feeling calm and relaxed." When you are breathing deeply in a slow, measured way, it's almost impossible for anxiety to take over your body. The more you focus on your breath, the less you'll be able to worry about so many things which are mostly beyond your control. Accepting your utter inability to change most things (people and events) allows you to stay calmer and "in the moment."

People tend to resist doing something as simple as focusing on their breathing because it seems too simple. Yet it's a very powerful technique. Of all the methods cited to help with anxiety, breathing exercises are the first on the list.

The more you know about how your body and emotions work together — and how you need to exercise both — the more effective you'll be in dealing with the inevitable anxieties that come with aging.

Carl Alasko, a licensed marriage and family therapist, is the author of "Emotional BS" and "Beyond Blame." For information about his books, see: carlalasko.com. Contact him at dralasko@gmail.com.