Tourist spotting made easy

Memorial Day is the start of summer. It is upon us soon. I have some money now after switching jobs and am taking a little trip. But I always hate traveling for 1 reasons: Tourists.

Sure, you could argue I am tourist if I am out traveling but I don’t do touristy things. For fun, here’s an article about how to spot a tourist.

We’ll look at a few ways to stay alert and keep an eagle eye to avoid those crafty tourist invading the beaches and roadways. It is important to note that tourism does form a strong economic background in many local economies. How else are we going to sell those goofy shirts that say, “My parents went to Florida and only brought me back this stupid shirt.”

On the road

Let’s say you are cruising down highway 49. You notice an SUV speeding past you. It has kids and dogs hanging out the window, basking in the deafening sound of road noise.

You can see the beach balls and lawnchairs strapped to the roof. You also see them pass an exit and see the SUV’s brake lights, hear the noise of screeching tires, and see the vehicle cut across traffic to the shoulder. The driver starts backing up.

Yep, you just spotted a tourist.

On the boardwalk

Locals don’t wear the cartoon character clothing that tourists wear. Consider this man and woman walking down the boardwalk.

The man has a a pot-belly that peeks out of his “I’m in Florida” tee-shirt and has on neon Bermuda shorts.

He asks in a loud, obnoxious tone, ‘scuse me, I’m visiting here with my wife. What’s good eating around here?’

Yep, you just encountered a tourist.

The camera

Let’s say you are still walking down the boardwalk. You know there are a lot of characters, doing tricks and showing off. Like muscle guys. Like Kassem G and his interviews. Those are places you’ll find people with their camera and taking photos.

And that’s the nature of tourism, along with dealing with people who are outside most folks’ norms. But what separates the goofy tourist is the camera poised and taking pictures of pigeon poop.

You’ve seen them. Their zooming in and taking a macro shot of sea gull doo-doo. God knows what for. Actually, I think I know, and I can just see a conversation with a tourist who left his parents at home: “Look Ma, those pigeons poo everywhere. See how dirty it is in California! I’m so glad you did not go with us and be subjected to it!”

More scenarios

I’m sure you’ve encountered these situations before. It’s important that you laugh at them and find beauty in them. Tourists will always be a part of the economy, dumping money (and garbage) into it. It’s the nature of the beast.

Also, if you are going to Florida, the first example is not good. Florida natives drive like this anyway. I think their motto is signal right and turn left.

UPDATED 7/22/2019: I just got back from vacation and tried not be a tourist. I got some good photos like the ones on nosynation.com — just not nationalgeographic.com quality. I tried not to look stupid taking them though. Well, who am I kidding? Ha ha.