“I really don’t understand why you’re getting so emotional. We both knew what it was from the onset. I wanted sex, you wanted money and a promotion. You got what you wanted, I got what I wanted, everyone was supposed to be happy.”

“Everyone was happy till you decided that two women were not enough for you and then added Teni to the list!” I almost screamed. “Badmus, Teni!” I said in exasperation. “The same one we talked about every single time. I thought you were on my team!”

“I’m on the team with the best cookie Onome and the team with the best cookie right now is team Teni.” Badmus said with a straight face.

“You’re going to pay for this betrayal Badmus. It’s a promise.” I said in reply.

“Get over yourself! I don’t know why you have a problem with sharing. I mean if you can share with my wife, why can’t you share with Teni? If my wife was the one raining fire and brimstone now, I would understand, but I don’t know why you’re so worked up.” HE dismissed my threats.

“Well I didn’t know that you’d ever subject me to sharing with Teni and I hate you for it!” I replied with a shaky voice.

“Listen Onome, you don’t have to be a sore loser. We can still have our thing going on. You’re the one who’s being so dramatic.” Badmus said, sitting up straight from the table.

“It’s fine Badmus. I’ll go back to work now.” I said and turned to walk way. I couldn’t bear to look him in the face for an extra second.

“Onome! Onome!” He called to me but I didn’t answer as I walked out of his office.

I shut his door and stood still for a moment to gather my thoughts.

There was only one way to get revenge – to tell his wife. His wife had to know the kind of dog she was married to. I didn’t have the power to punish him for sleeping with Teni, but his wife did. I could tell her about it without her finding out that I was ever involved with her husband.

Turning to his secretary I said, “I want to ask you a very confidential question.”

“What is it?” She responded with her usual nonchallance. I wanted to smack her but I calmed down because she was my only way to get what I wanted.

“Please don’t tell your boss anything about this,” I whispered as I looked round to make sure nobody was listening.

“Ask your question now.” She said impatiently.

“Do you have madam’s number?”

“Which madam?”

“Your boss’s wife. What’s her name again?”

“Mrs Simi?”

“Yes. Simi. Do you have her number?”

“Why will I have her number? What am I using it for?”

“Listen, is there a way you can get it for me?”

“Get it ke? How? From where?” She asked me.

“I don’t know. Maybe you can steal it from his phone or something.” I suggested.

“Shebi you’re just coming from his office? Why didn’t you ask him for it? Or better still, why didn’t you steal it yourself?”

“You’re the only one who has unlimited access to his office. How am I supposed to steal a number from his phone when he is watching me every minute I’m with him?”

“Me I don’t know for you o.” She turned back to her computer.

“Please I beg you. I really need that number. Please. I’ll pay you for it!”

“You want me to risk my job and everything for five thousand naira? Na wa for you o!” She returned to her computer.

“Ok. 10 thousand.” I upped my game.

“20 or nothing.” She said without looking at me.

“20 what?” I was shocked. Why would she be asking for twenty thousand naira to steal a phone number?

“Twenty thousand naira!” She said.

“Haba now. That’s a lot of money.” I pleaded.

“You really want this number abi?”

“Yes I do.”

“Well if you can’t pay what I am charging for it, then I cannot help you.”

“Fine. I’ll give it to you.”

“Great then. I’d let you know when I have it.” She turned and smiled at me. That mischievious smile again.

“When exactly? I need it ASAP.” I urged.

“I will try to get it before the end of the day.”

“Ok then. So his password is 1312. Hopefully it’s still the same thing”

“No wahala. I will call you. Just have my money ready.”

“Thank you.” I said as I walked out of the office.

I walked silently to my office whilst playing the scenario of how I would report Badmus to his wife in my head. She would be so shocked that her sweet husband was frolicking around with all the women in the office.

I entered the office to find Teni at her desk. I looked at her and noticed she was buried in her work. She didn’t know what was about to hit her. I was finally going to be able to wipe that sinister smile off her face.

I couldn’t concentrate on any more work for the rest of the day. The day was almost over and it had been the most eventful work day I had ever had. From the humiliation to the fight to finding out that Badmus was sleeping with Teniola. I wished everything was a dream that I would wake up from. At that exact moment, my desk phone rang, disrupting my thoughts.

“Onome Aburu speaking.” I answered composedly.

“It’s me.” She said.

It was Badmus’ secretary.

“How far?” I asked eagerly.

“I have it.” She said in hushed tones.

“Wonderful! Meet me at the cafeteria now.”

“Come with my 20 grand.” She said and dropped the call.

I stood up immediately and walked out of the office. I got to the cafeteria to find her waiting for me.

“Where’s the number?”

“Money for hand, back for ground.” She said.

“Let me at least see what I am paying for.”

She opened her purse and brought out a piece of paper.

“See it.” She dangled it before my eyes.

“How did you even manage to get it?” I was curious.

“How that one take concern you? My money abeg.” She replied rudely. I wished i could really smack her.

“Fine. Your account number?”

“Account number ke? I want cash o.” She said.

“Aunty. Who carries twenty thousand naira liquid cash around these days? I don’t have that amount in cash. I can only make a transfer.”

“This was not the agreement o.”

“There was no agreement as to how you would be paid. So stop wasting time and give me your account number.”

She called out her account number and I made a transfer to her account. She refused to give me the phone number till she had gotten an alert on her phone.

“It was nice doing business with you.” She said, smiling in her usual mischievious manner as she handed me the piece of paper.

“You too. Thank you.” I said and she stood up and left.

Immediately I was sure she was gone, I dialed the number on my phone. It rang a few times and she didn’t pick. I called a few more times and there was no answer. I was already getting furious and was about to go back to the secretary when my phone rang. She was calling back.

“Hello.” She said.

“Good evening ma.”

“Who’s this please?” She said in her soft voice.

“I’d rather not say ma. I just have some information that might interest you.”

“Information?”

“Yes ma. About your husband.”

“What about my husband?” She asked with concern.

“How about we meet up and talk about it?”

“I cannot meet up with someone I don’t know. Who are you?”

“My name is Onome. I work at your husband’s company.”

“Onome?”

“Yes. From HR.”

“Oh! Ok. So what information do you have?”

“I’d like to discuss it with you in person ma.”

“Ok then. Meet me at Utopia.”

“Ok ma. What time please?”

“I’m here at the moment. So if you can make it here soon, it would be great.”

“I’m on my way. Thank you.”

I ended the call and started to gather my things together. The hour of reckoning had come and I was going to seize it. I walked out of the office already feeling victorious.

I got to Utopia in no time and as soon as I got inside, I spotted Simi. She had changed out of her former outfit and was clad in a small black dress. She looked even more beautiful than she looked earlier.

“Good evening.” I said as I approached her table. She was in the company of another woman.

“Good evening.” She raised her head to look at me.

“I’m the one who just called you…”

“From my husband’s office right? I know. Please sit down.”

“Thank you.” I said as I sat down.

“I’d excuse you.” The other woman said as she stood up to leave.

“I’d call you when I round this up.” Simi said to the woman. Then turning to me she asked,

“What can I offer you?”

“Nothing ma.”

“Ok then. So let’s get to it. Why did you want to see me?”

“Ermm. I just wanted to tell you what your husband is doing behind your back.”

“Which is?”

“I mean, you’re a woman like me and it would be extremely wicked if I know what I know and I keep it to myself without letting you know. I hope to get married one day and I would be glad if someone was looking out for me too.” I said.

“You’re looking out for me?”

“Yes ma. If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have struggled tooth and nail to get your number. I know women are supposed to stick together that’s why I am doing this.”

“I am waiting for the part where you tell me about my husband.” She said.

“Oh yes, that, sorry. Your husband isn’t the sweet, loving, perfect husband you think he is madam. Excuse me, but he is a dog. He chases everything in skirts.”

“How do you know he is sweet and loving and perfect?” She asked me.

“I saw the both of you in your office this afternoon. How he kissed you and was calling you darling. It was then I decided I was going to tell you about his philandering.”

“The girl’s name is Teniola Ayorinde. She works in HR, same department with me. They have been seeing each other for a while now. He even bought her a car. A Mercedes Benz ML 350. He gives her money and is practically at her beck and call. They even have sex in the office. It’s like she is controlling him like he’s her puppet.” I poured everything out.

There was a moment of silence. I searched her face for anger, shock or surprise, but there was nothing like that. Then all of a sudden, she burst into laughter.

“I’m sorry, is this funny?” I asked.

“Considering the fact that you’re here, reporting my husband, a man you’re sleeping with, to me, calling him a philanderer, yes it’s funny.” She continued laughing.

I was shocked. She knew all this time that I had been sleeping with Badmus? How did she even find out? Why did she never do anything about it? I looked at her in bewilderment. Apparently, the joke was on me.

“So make me understand. Why are you ratting Badmus out? Because he is now seeing another girl? Or because he is no longer giving you money? Which one? I’d be disappointed if it was the former because I mean, you have no right to be angry about that. After all, you’re not the one with the ring and the last name. You’re just a side chick, like the other girl, what’s her name again? Teniola.”

I was too dumbfounded to speak.

“Oh did you say she works in HR too? Then she must be the one I saw today in his office. If we’re talking about the same girl, then I’m not surprised that he dumped you for her. I mean she’s beautiful, hot, sexy. Her body is everything. I would date her if I were a boy. I’m even ashamed that he ever chose you over her.” She continued.

How did the tables just turn? This was supposed to be about Teni not me.

“I’m sure you’re wondering how I know what is going on with both of you. Well a little advice, next time you want to start sleeping with a married man, keep it out of his office. For all you know, there could be a mole there.”

She had to be joking. Could it have been Badmus’s secretary who ratted me out? Then she confirmed my fears.

“Just so you know, I pay Nkechi a lot more than twenty thousand naira to keep me informed about these things. So next time you want her to do something for you, kindly up your game.”

She sipped her champagne and continued,

“Listen my darling, you’re too old for this stupid jealousy sprouts. You’re dating a married man, he’s giving you money, paying your rent, even bought you car. If he gets tired of you and moves on, you should just accept defeat and move on too. After all, you enjoyed it while it lasted.”

The insults and humiliation had become too much, so grabbing my bag, I stood up immediately and excused walked out of the restaurant, accompanied by Simi’s mocking laughter.

As I drove home, I thought to myself, “What on earth did you do?” I wanted to put Teniola in trouble and I ended up getting in trouble too.

I mean… I can’t accept such humiliation after being insulted by the husband…. Now, smart Mrs. Wife pours hers on me.. C’mon… Even after wasting 20k on that igbotic Nkechi not knowing that that one is one serpent.. MI o he gba