Pssst: Did you hear what Roy did to Connolly at recess?

(WECK 1230) — There’s a story circling in the city that there was an incident at a Sunday night event involving one or more of the Sabres players. It’s spread like high school wildfire with students chatting about something that happened to the popular kids.

The alleged story goes like this: Tim Connolly gets drunk and offensive at the “Catwalk For Charity” event at The Town Ballroom. Teammates try to get him to relax. Derek Roy punches Tim Connolly in the face. Boom. Outta here.

"I am going to sell you to Greece in exchange for your weight in feta."

Before anything further, let’s point out that if this happened to Bills players the rumour alone would be all over national media and there would be some local media members talking about how it’s symbolic for how the whole organization is a total mess.

Now, I’ve heard enough from reputable-enough people to feel pretty good that something out-of-the-ordinary happened. There’s nothing I’m willing to report “happened,” because I actually believe in reporting as reporting. I use this site to have fun and speculate sometimes, but if I use the word “report,” I mean it.

Understanding that people want details, I’m going to include some things I believe, some things I don’t and some things I’ve entirely made up in a salacious list regarding Connolly Fest ’10. I promise that two of these things I genuinely believe.

– Tim Connolly was practicing “The Dolphin” backstage when he hit his face on the ground.

– Connolly got a black eye when he didn’t see little Tyler Ennis and walked into him.

– Derek Roy punched Tim Connolly.

– Derek Roy didn’t punch Tim Connolly.

– Derek Roy showed up in full deer hunting regalia and shot Connolly through the eye with a crossbow.

– Another Sabre punched Connolly in the face, and then Connolly fought a teammate later at a post-show party in a different bar.

– Steve Montador is Iron Man and Connolly was changing his heart and accidentally took an Iron Man fist to the eye.

– Derek Roy heard Connolly was making “passes” at girls and — misinterpreting the term — wondered why Connolly never passed to him.

– Thomas Vanek elbow-dropped Connolly in the eye and then blamed it on Roy.

– Tim Connolly actually got in two fights in two venues.

Fact of the matter is that even if The Town Ballroom briefly caught on fire because Derek Roy took a flamethrower to Tim Connolly while he was drinking grain alcohol through an IV, we wouldn’t get the true story out of it. It’s hockey culture and part of the fun of these folks who would use “upper body injury” to describe what happened to Clint Malarchuk is speculation.