You have a good story but it needs to be re-written. There are errors in grammar. But it is a good story telling about your suicide and near death…people know that English is not your native tongue, it is your second language. So, readers will understand that. Keep on writing! Don’t stop. You’ll succeed.

Zereion, you don’t have to rewrite your post, it’s alright! Just go on writing your next piece. The world have already read “Monday” . I suggest you read a lot of English newspapers and books.This will help polish your English vocabulary. I’m sure you will be a good writer in the future. All writers start with the first step…Thank you for seeking help from me…Cheers!