Give a man of fish and he’ll eat for a day. Give a man God of War this April and he’ll likely play it so much that he forgets to eat and will die. There’s a bit of wisdom in there for all of us I think. Not to be overshadowed April has a few other titles up its sleeves, and really there’s something here for everyone: God of War, God of War, and the sure to be unforgettable Hello Kitty Kruisers. Comb your beards and read Parenting for Dummies, because April is getting parental, Kratos style (i.e. bad parenting, likely hasn’t even bothered to read the book).

April is a month that is packed with titles that have left my jorts severely fastened to my lower half. The first title to garner my attention is Yakuza 6: The Song of Life, a game that I have been keen to try since I played through Yakuza 0 and Yakuza Kiwami last year. A couple days later, on the lovely day of 420, there are two dank games releasing. The first is Nintendo Labo, that despite being something that frustrated me upon its announcement, is a gimmick that I believe will be quite an enjoyable time. Let’s be real, who doesn’t want to dress up as a cardboard robot? After I’ve spent enough time being an odd 21-year-old cardboard-clad man I’m keen to spend plenty of time with God of War, which seems to be taking the God of War series into a more serious direction. Kratos seems to be a likeable character for once, so hopefully this game can hold my attention more than the previous games in the series. Naruto is gracing the Switch for the first time in the Naruto Shippuden: Ultimate Ninja Storm Trilogy, and despite having played plenty of those three titles over the years, I will be jumping in again when it hits the Switch. My indie highlight of the month is Light Fall, a tough 2D platformer that looks to emanate games like Celeste and Super Meat Boy. April is going be a fun time, that is for sure.

No need to worry, guys. After the mammoth month that was March I’ve gone to the drycleaners and had my jorts cleaned and stitched up, ready for a killer April. First on the agenda is Rick and Morty VR’s release on the PlayStation VR. Despite the TV series’ shaky future and despicable fanbase I’m still keen on jumping into the world first-hand, and reports from the PC camp are that the game is a blast. I also just really enjoy surreal comedy in VR and want more of it. Next up is Yakuza 6, a game that I ended up finishing just as April rolled around (so it still counts) and have some serious thoughts about. You’ll have to wait for my upcoming review for any elaboration on that, though. Speaking of e-labo-ration (what a segue!), I am so ready to spend weeks playing with Nintendo’s new cardboard Labo creations on April 20. I’ve had the pleasure of messing around with a few of the kits in the past and they’re great fun to build, not to mention being able to program my own cardboard creations has me tingly in the Labo. Cruelly, that same day brings us Sony’s new epic God of War. I’ve enjoyed the God of War games in the past, but I can definitely say I fell off the wagon with the third and fourth games, so I’m keen to see if a new direction for the series is enough to pull me back in. I won’t have much time for that, though, because Swords of Ditto hits on the 24th and oh boy does it look like my jam. Like The Legend of Zelda in the guise of a light roguelike and sporting a gorgeous art style, I’m very ready for it. Maybe it’s time to invest in one of those monthly jorts subscriptions…

What a month! Capturing my utmost attention is Nintendo Labo, the Big N’s latest foray into “for real?” Constructing gadgets that almost resemble a miniature arcade cabinet sounds like a heap of fun, especially for the younger and younger ‘at heart’. Two more titles jump onto the Switch this month; Wild Guns Reloaded is a remaster of the classic 1994 SNES shooting gallery game with more balls than a play pen, and Gal Gun 2 is the game your dad thinks Japanese games are like. The former is a personal favourite of mine from the extensive SNES library, mostly down to its hugely enjoyable co-op mode. The latter’s predecessor I managed to play on my mate’s HTC Vive, and it’s everything a hikikomori could ask for. The ‘let’s go to my place’ mode was particularly…stimulating. Dark Rose Valkyrie comes to Windows this month after a 2017 PS4 release, providing yours truly with plenty of costume design boners. Think Ace Attorney meets Final Fantasy and you’re on the right track. Finally, for the neckbeard in all of us, Battletech finally hits us with all seven arm lasers and four shoulder rocket launchers! Based upon the Battletech universe – the same as MechWarrior – it’ll scratch the turn-based strategy itch that has gone sorely unscratched these days. Combine that with series veterans at the helm and you have a formidable adversary to my free time!

Ahhhh! April, the footy season is in full swing and winter is upon us. Time to bust out the short short thermal jorts and rub in the deep heat. Speaking of winter, I was pretty keen for Impact Winter on PS4, then I read it got crapped on by Steam users. Pass. Extinction is probably the game I’m most looking forward to this month. I’ve previewed it, I’ve interviewed the devs; all that’s left is to review it. Check back around launch for my review of the ogre-slaying title. For whatever reason I am keen to get my pachinko jorts out for Yakuza 6. I have never played one, but whenever I see it it looks like a jolly good time. Will I buy it? Probably. Will it go straight into the backlog? Definitely. Next up is God of War (who isn’t keen?). It’s been a long time since my Norse jorts have been given a gallop. What better outing than with a bearded, emotional Kratos. Lastly there’s Frostpunk, which is redolent of the devs’ previous game, This War of Mine. Set in an apocalyptic arctic tundra you must control the inhabitants of the last remaining city. Sounds easy enough, count me in.