Christmas Planning Mistake No.1

Last year I made a stupid mistake, I know it is shocking that I could make a mistake. Actually it’s just that this is one that I have a. noticed, b. am not hiding and c. I’m writing about it.

Stop fooling about and get these boxes off my bed.

So the mistake, first the context.

Every year I get the kids Advent Calendars. This was started by my aunt Val who sent them one almost 20 years ago. Well as you may know my daughters range in age from 13 (OMG a teenager) to 23 (OMG I’m old). So it is difficult finding them all an advent calendar they like. Shut up; they are autistic & when I try to think of a second word I can only think of difficult. So they need Advent Calendars and they need them to be equal (suiting their interest, quality of chocolate etc). Plus a lot of the department stores let their chocolate Advent calendars melt so the chocolate becomes even more gross.

If you won’t play with me I’m going to sleep!

So, bright idea; we bought one of those Advent boxes with Advent Drawers, a bit pricey but we’d never need another calendar. Except the “whole fun is opening each day Mum”. So I made each a laminated A4 picture of their favourite character in a Christmas scene and covered them in numbered stickers. They actually were pretty happy with them. But after Christmas I was told there were no surprises because they could guess the entire picture too early, and too many surprise reveals were body parts; like the Doctor’s hand or Astroboys foot. I promised to do better.

Are you ever going to fix my scratchie Post!

But now it’s December tomorrow and they still remember so I actually have to do something. Poor planning, if I hadn’t gone into specifics last year and said it will be a surprise they would have forgotten (at worst I could have said “Surprise I’m not doing it!”), if I had never made that first replacement top for the one child the year before last I would never have been caught up in this stupid, stupid, waste of time kid-pleasing nonsense.

It’s birthday cards all over again, give one child a 28 page opus with full colour & illustrations on why they don’t deserve a birthday as a card once & they and their siblings say you don’t love them if you don’t give them a “mean-card” book.

So I have just spent hours doing weird computer art stuff. I found a Christmas tree scene and jigsaw puzzle template. I made the jigsaw 6×4 pieces and 20cm x 28cm. I put 24 numbered stars on one and removed the white on the other. Then I found 24 or more of their favourite pictures and removed the backgrounds, added glow and used the lines only jigsaw template to place the characters around the tree scene. I did all this on Microsoft Word.

Power Rangers, Skylanders, Pokemon and My Little Pony; how hard would that be for the confectioners to make. What? Are you going to tell me that catering to the obsessive interests of autistic & deranged adults/teens isn’t profitable? Damn, I wish there was a bigger profit margin in the deranged.

I would just like to say in my defense I do not believe people with autism are deranged. I believe my children are deranged. And I am not afraid to say it aloud. When they don’t have any sticks or anything in their hands, I’m not that stupid.

No pictures in my room, unless you agree to fix my hat.I am not hiding in Cat’s room, I’m sleep walking!Do I know you? Am I awake?If you had warned me I could have worn something pretty!Can you hold the phone there’s someone at the door. What!

Anyway back to stupid, stupid home made advent calender’s. Now all I have to do is wait for them to fall asleep; or to get scared of my yelling and stay in their rooms so I can print and laminate the character scenes, print the numbered jigsaw pieces on red paper & cut them to size and affix them to the scene.

Then I can continue to do the actual stupid stuff I am supposed to be doing. Why do I do this stuff? Why does my head hurt? Why am I sleepy? More importantly why am I thirsty? OMG I am dehydrating again. I am so sick of drinking, I hate the feeling of liquid in my mouth. I hate summer, I hate…

I don’t care!

Actually I hate not being asleep! But … I need to stay awake, I am going to make my husband talk to me. Men hate that and it serves him right for having children!

Before conversationAfter

Oh and I was very wrong yesterday, I was not supposed to put any photos of Cat up on my blog. Naughty, naughty me!

Children get confused if you just knock on their door, & then flash Photo in their face. Fortunately if I then run away very quickly they think it didn’t happen. Ah the benefits of deranged children. Thank you!

The things we do for our children… You put me to shame, as far as advent calenders go I just buy two from the store! My eldest is away at University comes home on the 21st. I am so tempted to eat her chocolates!

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