Thursday, April 20, 2017

In Praise of Cats

On a misty October Saturday in Boston, my first husband and I drove to a cat sanctuary we had been told about. At the back of the house was a large concrete storage building with several large cages, one holding only an old Siamese who was too aggressive to spend time with other cats and who had been given up by its owner. The other cages held cats of various ages: there must have been twenty. We were there for a kitten to keep me company on the nights when Dan had orchestra rehearsals up in Portland Maine or when he had graduate classes. I was working for a social science research group at Brandeis University, editing articles and books; back then, no one wrote more badly than social scientists. Nights I was working my way through Russian literature. We knew one couple in Boston, and most of my colleagues lived in Boston's suburbs, so I was lonely. Since we lived in married housing, a dog was right out, but we thought we could hide a cat from the super.

The room full of cats was overwhelming, partly because I really knew nothing about cats and partly because so many creatures and their stories had fetched up here and might never leave. I had wanted a black kitten because I thought the feline shape was beautiful and showed most clearly in black cats. Our cicerone surveyed the cages before her: no black cats. And then she confessed that she had found a small box on her doorstep that morning that she hadn't yet opened. The string off, the flaps of the box raised, there sat my first cat with a black and white sibling. We called her Blackberry. But we had no idea how impish kittens are, and so we were soon using an expression that I'd picked up from British fiction and clearly didn't know the meaning of. I thought "bugger" was someone who was energetic and annoying, so we began calling her simply "Bugs." But she had a fondness for War and Peace and Dostoevsky, and was happy to curl up on my chest in the evenings while I read fat novels. We soon figured out that in a studio apartment with only a single door, there is no way to keep the cat from sleeping with you. So Bugs slept every night of her life on my pillow, sometimes climbing over the back of the hide-a-bed to watch the pigeons roosting on the fire escape outside, then getting cold and racing under the covers and then back on my pillow.

She remained, all her life, a tiny black fire. She was particularly fond of attractive men and people who didn't like her or who were frightened of cats. (She loved Ken Probert.) She was dangerously fond of me. When I'd return from school or work, I could hear her meowing at the door. So once we had settled in Winnipeg, where Dan played with the symphony, we decided she needed company. But we also realized that she had too much attitude to welcome a second cat. So we borrowed the un-neutered Siamese belonging to composer Victor Davies, turned the humidifier on high, closed the bedroom door, and let them have at it. Misty was an enormous cat, but he was also completely overwhelmed by Bugsy's attitude; nevertheless, he got his job done. As the birth approached, we did everything the little guidebook told us to do, setting up a nice quiet "queening box" for her to use. One winter night, when Dan and the orchestra were on a run-out for an out-of-town concert, Bugs started trying to lead me toward her box--meowing, walking a little way down the hallway into the bedroom, looking to see if I was coming, meowing again--a feline Lassie trying to lead me somewhere. Nothing seemed to be happening, so I climbed into bed with a book, and she climbed into my lap, which was where she had her kittens. We kept two, naming them Ivy (she was a clinging vine and climbed up my pantlegs--thank heaven they were wide in the 70s) and Niagara (who liked curling up in the sink, watching the water drip on her, or tumbling down the bedclothes). It is hard to say exactly where my adventure with cats began, in that shed of abandoned animals or with a birth in my lap. But with three cats, you are committed. This is no longer a desperate, lonely choice but a realization that, in spite of growing up with dogs, you find cats suit you.

The three black cats lived between 19 and 20 years. When only Niagara was left of our original family, we took in two young males, Nutmeg--a ginger-coloured long haired cat with eyes like nutmegs, and Ariel, his grey tabby brother who seemed to have the attendant sprite's insights into people's moods and needs. Ariel, for example, knew when Niagara, who was slowly succumbing to failing kidneys, didn't feel well. He would follow her around the house, wait for her to get comfortable somewhere, and then curl up behind her and put his arm over her shoulders.

Not long after Niagara's death, Deborah Morrison arrived at my door one summer day with a kitten she had rescued from the murderous Rottweiler who was killing the barn kittens where she boarded her horse. "Kate, can you take him?" she asked about the kitten already fastened to Veronica. "We'll see what the guys think," I told her. Nutmeg and Ariel thought bringing up a kitten was delightful, and so Twig entered the family. Ariel and Nutmeg died far too young, Ariel of bone cancer and Nutmeg of congestive heart failure, so we soon added another orphan, Sheba, to the household--wild loving Sheba who went beserk after a series of infections that seemed to have nothing to do with the dramatic changes in her behaviour, breaking my heart with the mystery of her death. Wednesday, Twig, his heart and lungs worn out, Twig the foodie who had stopped eating, was ferried over the Styx and I am catless for the first time in nearly 45 years. This is not going to be easy. The house feels like a vacuum, as if there is some immense silent hole at the centre of it.

Cats are a a balm, an antidote; they are guides and nature's comedians; they are philosophers. They are the perfect companions for reading, especially if you are having trouble concentrating and are tempted to get up and do something else. You simply don't want to dislodge the warm, sleepy weight from your lap, and so you keep on. And they are limpid companions for the insomniac. Niagara was the first cat who understood my sleepless nights, and she would simply wedge herself between my body and my arm, her head on my shoulder, until I went to sleep. Nutmeg, who was too big to be a lap cat, nevertheless made himself into one on sleepless nights, if I got out of bed to come downstairs. Or he would simply curl up next to me on the bed and not stop purring until I went to sleep--and as a large cat he had an enormous purr. We called him the "insta-purr majesti-cat" for his huge and generous purr. All you had to do was to walk into the room where he was to set him purring.

Two of my cats, Ivy and Sheba, have fetched. All of them have thought that I arrange quilt blocks on the bed only as a backdrop for their beauty or curiosity. Sheba and Twig have been particularly good writing companions, Sheba curling up next to the computer and often putting her head on the back of my left hand as I typed. Curiously, after her death Twig took over the job of guard of the thesaurus and companion of the order of writer.

Two of my cats have both understood and invented languages. I took my first sabbatical in 1998, when Veronica was in her first year at McGill. Until then I didn't know what it meant to be middle-aged and to think hard all day. So at the end of the day, I'd sing-song my invitation to Ariel and Nutmeg, telling them it was nap time! in the same tone of voice every day. They cheerfully piled on the bed. But one day I said to Nutmeg, matter-of-factly, without my sing-song voice "Well, are we going to go upstairs and have a nap?" only to watch him get down from his chair and lead me upstairs. Nutmeg also recognized questions, and if you asked him one, he would reply. Otherwise, conversations with him were one-sided. Twig, in contrast, rarely talked, which made me sad until I learned that cats do not use their voices to communicate to other cats, but only to clueless people, to whom they teach their language. I wondered if he had so few desires or whether he thought expressing them was pointless. Then I noticed that he "talked" to me by where he stood in the room or with the expression on his face. If he stood just inside the kitchen door, he was reminding you it was meal time. If he looked at you searchingly, he wanted you to sit down somewhere so the two of you could have some quality time. He frequently tried to herd me onto the sofa or the bed in the spare room by looking meaningfully at me and then walking off, his ears swiveled backward to ensure I was following his lead.

Of my seven cats, two have been philosophers --Niagara and Twig. Either the percentage of cats who are philosophers is very high or I have been gifted. After Dan and I separated, I brought home a tall bookshelf, knocked down, in a compact, heavy box. Apparently when the door caught the long box, I accidentally dropped it on Niagara, because when she didn't come for her dinner, I found her under the bed with a bloody mouth: I had dislocated her jaw and cleanly broken her mandible. Back at home, after surgery, she curled calmly in my lap to get well--forgiving me and teaching me that pain is best thought of as something you are enduring now, not something you foresee continuing on into a faraway future. She was also attentive to my moods, and in my dark times she would sit crosswise on my lap, not facing away from me as she usually did. Though small and black like her mother, she was slender and long, almost the shape of the cats found in Egyptian art. She would look at me meaningfully: "See how beautiful I am? Stroke me. Isn't that better? And if I am beautiful, you will be fine in a little while." In many ways, she taught me the calm that becomes endurance.

Twig was also a philosopher cat. His whole life and demeanor reminded me that happiness doesn't require drama or excitement, but is made of daily habit and love. He was the antithesis of the drama queen. "The good life," he taught me, is created in part by attention to the life we are living. The slowly reflective moments of stroking a purring cat and stopping to look up and notice how full of love and joy your life is both create and appreciate the life you are living. As well, he taught me gratitude after I thought I had lost him 18 months ago to pancreatitis, but which he and his wonderful vet, Dr. Jinx, managed to subdue. Since then I thanked him almost daily for gracing my home, for simply being beautifully alive. Such a practice has resonated through my life because its reminder was fully, affectionately alive.

Philosopher cats? I don't know if they do indeed experience the wisdom I ascribe to them. But I do know that when you open house and heart to someone so entirely different from you, you are bound to learn something.