Dear Sakura
by Amazoness Duo and G.P.
amazonessduo@hotmail.com
pearsong1954@yahoo.com
Dear Tomoyo-chan,
Thank you for the beautiful letter. It means so much to me when you
write. I wanted to tell you about your letters. I guess that sounds
sort of silly, because you write them and know all about them. But
what I mean to say is, let me tell you why they are so special to me.
When I am expecting one, everyday I rush to the mailbox, or to the
little whicker basket where the servants deposit the mail, hoping it
has come. It was like this waiting for Syaoran-chan's letters all
those times he was away in Hong Kong. Except his letters were pretty
short now that I think about it, and were mainly special because he
wrote them. Anyhow, when I do see one of your letters I know it right
away. The envelopes are very distinctive, with a heavy paper and
creamy color. When I see one, my heart dances with joy, because I
know that your precious thoughts and feelings are sealed inside.
Sometimes I am so excited I read it there in the hallway, or outside
by the little black mailbox. But sometimes it is like Christmas Eve,
when it is more exciting to wait and unwrap the beautiful presents at
just the right time. So, sometimes I wait for a special moment when I
am alone and can read in silence. I read the last letter you wrote at
midnight, in the garden, by moonlight.
When I open the envelope I feel all excited, and sometimes have to
calm down before reading. Tomoyo-chan, your letters have a wonderful
scent, like lilacs. I am not sure if you use scented stationary, or
if it is just you. Sometimes if I close my eyes it is like having you
with me again, so close. Then I start to read. Your calligraphy is
exquisite. Your scriot always amazed me when we were going to school.
I was just happy to get the strokes right, but your writing flowed
like a shimmering river. But what you write to me is even lovelier
than the beautiful characters. When I am sad, you cheer me up, and
when I am confused about something, you help me understand. You know
and understand so much. All of my life you have been there to help me
along. When I thought about this, I realized your letters are just
like you. They are beautiful, and kind, and brimming with love.
Gomenesai, Tomoyo-chan. For all the years we were together, I don't
think I quite understood. About you, I mean. Because you were always
with me, and were so close, I don't think I understood how important
you are to me. Lately there is an odd, empty feeling I have, as if
something is missing from my body. Something I long for, something to
fill and complete me. I never felt this way before. Even all the
times Syaoran was gone, I missed him, but not like this. When I read
your letters, for a few golden moments I feel whole again. When you
were here for your visit, I was happier than I have been since
leaving home. Because you were with me.
Your letters are like little whispers from far away. When they come,
I listen with all my heart. They mean so very much to me. I keep them
in a little folder close to the bed, although your last letter is
under my pillow when I sleep. Sometimes I take them to school, and re-
read them during the day. Once my sensei-friend, Jun-sama, found me
reading them during lunch. She says she called my name several times
before I noticed her standing there. I bowed and apologized for my
rudeness, but she laughed and said it was charming that a married
woman was still receiving love letters. That made me blush terribly,
and she laughed even more when she found out the letter was from you.
We talked after that, and I told her how much I miss you. She said
that you probably miss me just as much, which was amazing because
I've never thought of it like that. She said friends and lovers are
both sad when they are separated. The difference is that friends can
gradually become used to distance, but that the hearts of lovers
always suffer when they are apart. I told her this seemed odd,
because it was the opposite with me. When Syaoran-chan was gone all
those years, I eventually got used to things. But I told her that
with you, my friend, it has gotten worse everyday. She looked sort of
sad and sighed when I said this. I told her it must have been very
difficult for her, losing her love the way she did. Jun-sama said her
heart has never healed, and never will. Tomoyo-chan, I felt so sad
for her because her love is gone from the world. I started to cry.
She hugged me, like a mother would to reassure a child. But she
didn't tell me everything would be all right, because she was crying,
too. And it won't ever be all right for her, because her love is dead.
Gomenesai, I'm crying again. I'm crying a lot lately, and I'm not
sure why. I feel awful for Jun-sama, and your Mother, and my Father.
Their hearts must be so lonely all the time. I feel like this because
you are gone, and we are best friends. How can they live when their
true love has left them forever? And I know I will see you again, and
soon I hope. But they will never be with the one they love. That's
why it makes me so sad when you wrote that you will never see your
special someone again. I am so very sorry I never knew how much pain
not being with your true love has brought you. Gomenesai, until that
night in the garden, I never knew. In my heart it feels like this is
all my fault. Maybe if I had understood, I could have helped. Why
didnít I know when we were so close? I was so caught up in the Cards,
and Li-kun, and so many trivial things while my best friend needed
me. How could I have been so stupid? I was your best friend, and I
failed you.Gomenesai.Gomenesai, Tomoyo-chan.
It's morning now and I'm writing this on the bus to work. I couldnít
write anymore last night. I was still sad when I woke up, but now
know what to do now. I can never make up for all the pain in your
heart. I am more sorry than I can say, yet all the apologies that can
be made won't fix things. But I will. I swear it. I am certain that
anyone would be blessed and honored by your love. I know I would!
Even if they are married, or with someone else, there has to be room
in their heart for your love. There has to be. It's just too horrible
if they don't know about you. If they never know of your love, it is
almost as if they were dead. Please donít worry, Tomoyo-chan, because
everything will be all right. I cannot live and be happy if you are
sad.
Now, as for the rest of your wonderful letter. Thank you so much for
the beautiful photographs! Your Mother is right. You would make a
delightful model. I am looking at one of the pictures now, the one
where you are in the blue sundress, with your hand holding onto your
hat. It reminds me of our trip to the beach. I get very hanyaan when
I see you in this picture. It was so incredible to swim with you, to
hold you close in the warm water. Aiyaaa! Tomoyo-chan, sometimes I am
surprised at how I feel about you. It's funny, because we are both
girls and all, but when we kissed I was in another world, another
place that I wanted to be in forever. Just remembering the garden
makes me dizzy and faint and filled with joy. Oniichan said once that
a kiss is how two souls meet. He doesn't usually say such nice
things, but I think it is true. I never felt so close to you as that
night.
I hope no one sees me blushing like this on the bus. Thinking about
people seeing me blush is making it worse. But anyway, thank you
again for the pictures. Oh, and Fanren says thank you, too. She was
very excited to get the photographs. She really likes you. I also
love my Tomoyo-chan cooking video. I was going to make the recipe
yesterday afternoon, but I couldn't stop watching you. Tomoyo-chan is
like a pretty ballerina in the kitchen, so cute and fun to watch. I
will try and concentrate on the recipe this weekend.
Thank you for talking about Syoaran-chanand me. It really helps so
much. You are so perceptive, and it is always wonderful to be able to
talk about things. I have never been very good about understanding
people. So often they say one thing, and mean something else. So,
hearts are very mysterious to me. I thought I knew all about Syaoran-
chan, but I didn't. Oniichan says that you only begin to know someone
when you are living together. Sugoi, another thing Oniichan said that
isn't stupid! Anyway, I wonder sometimes if Syaoran is the same
person I married. When I told him this he just got more angry, and
said I was imagining things. But maybe it is true. He says things to
me now that he never did before. And he seems distant, somehow. I
know he loves me, and I still love him with all my heart, of course.
Well. Anyway, please do not think that you are the reason for certain
things between Syaoran and me lately. Tomoyo-chan, we don't see each
other a lot anyway, because he is so busy. Our being together cannot
have bothered him all that much. I really don't think our being
together was what upset him. I guess he has a lot on his mind with
work and all.
I do feel bad about Meiling-chan. I don't think she wants to see me,
or I would have talked to her before. Not long ago I asked Fanren-san
about it, and she said that Meiling-chan has always been quick to
anger and slow to forget. She said that Syaoran-chan and Meiling-chan
had been matched at birth as a most propitious couple by her
grandfather, who was a revered Master of the Chinese magic concerned
with beginnings and endings. I thought I should apologize to him, so
I visited his grave at the family cemetery. The cemeteries in Hong
Kong are even more crowded than those in Tokyo. Most of the graves
are very small, but his was large and quite elaborate, which is no
doubt a mark of great respect. I left flowers, and said prayers of
apology. But I did not feel good afterwards, and came down with quite
a cold. When Ieran-sama found out how I came to be sick, she said
this was what happens to those who meddle with angry ghosts. I was so
scared by what she said that it was hard to sleep that night. Do you
think I should try and talk to Meiling-chan?
Tomoyo-chan, I miss you so much. I wish I had back all the time we
were together, to live again knowing what I know now. I wonder if
things would different? I pray we can be together soon. Itís so hard
not to be with you.
Love,
Kinomoto Sakura
PS Please give my best wishes to your Mother. I have been thinking a
lot about her lately.
Dear Sakura-chan,
I hope this letter finds you well. I hope you are curled up with
your husband, happy and loved, content with the wonders that life has
bestowed upon you. My one wish for you is that you will spend the
rest of your days in endless joy. That your laugh will echo through
the Li home, that your smile will light up the lives of everyone who
is blessed with your presence. That you and your husband can forever
travel the moonlit seas of eternity. If I know that you are happy, it
will always bring a smile to my face. What would make me happiest
would be to know that my darling Sakura-chan is shining brightly. If
you could grant me a single wish, Sakura-chan, that is what I would
like the most. You don't need to find my True Love or even grant me
the boundless thrill of your presence. All I want is to know that you
will always be happy, that you will face this life with a beautiful
smile. If I know that, then I can smile as well. I'll forever watch
over your beautiful emerald eyes and you pretty smiling lips. And
that will be my greatest joy. I'm sure you will have a gorgeous life,
Sakura-chan. Your story isn't over yet. I want Sakura-chan to have
the happiest ending.
Sakura-chan, thank you so much for being my best friend for all of
these years. You befriended me when no one else would, showing me
from the start how kind and sweet you are. I will always love you for
that. You were always so cute and genki. Being around you always made
my days a little taste of the heavens. I will forever treasure the
beautiful gift of friendship that you have given me. You will never
know how much it meant to me. Having a best friend like you was
almost too much to bear at times. It was like a lovely dream that I
never wanted to wake up from. Just like the eraser you gave me my
first day of school, I'll keep your friendship in a little locked
box, this one deep inside my heart. It was the most precious gift
anyone has ever given me.
You were an amazing girl and you've grown up to be an even more
amazing woman. All of the videotape in the world couldn't catch every
bit of you. I can only settle for the slivers that I've managed to
capture on tape, beautiful moments suspended forever. Time has been
very generous to you, Sakura-chan. I'm glad that I've been able to
see its affect. But time also leaves many endings in it's wake. It's
not something to fear, though. With endings come new beginnings.
Those whose stories have ended can watch those whose stories are just
beginning. In time, I'm sure that you will have a beautiful child. I
can already see her. Very cute, and very energetic, just like her
mother. I know you'll make an excellent mother. You have so much love
in your heart. I know she will never be left wanting.
Sakura-chan, I'm very sorry, but I'll be going away soon. I don't
know where yet. I just think that there are things I should do with
my life now. I'll be leaving Tomoeda shortly, though I haven't
decided on a destination. Mother doesn't want me to leave, but I
think she understands that it's for the best. I want her to be happy,
too, but like you said about Jun-san, I'm not sure if she ever can be
without Nadeshiko-san. That has always broken my heart because I know
mother sees some of Nadeshiko-san in me and it must be painful for
her. She has been hurt quite a bit, but she has always moved forward.
She is a very strong woman. She really did think you were a wonderful
girl, Sakura-chan. She still does, I know it.
I'm sorry. I spilled some droplets of water on the paper again. I
must be getting clumsy these days. Sakura-chan, it's so hard to say
goodbye. I never understood how difficult it would be. Even when you
left for Hong Kong in the first place it wasn't this bad. I think
it's because I knew that you would still be there, in some small way.
That tiny hope flickered in my heart, shining in the darkest of
nights. But now, I don't have that lighting my path. But that's all
right. Because I'll always be with you. My heart will always look
back to yours. Thank you so much for being the best friend I could
ever have dreamed for. Thank you for letting me dress you up in
costumes and for letting me videotape you and for just letting me
stay by your side. Thank you for the beautiful memories you have
granted me. And thank you for the warmth in my heart that I would
never have found if I hadn't met you. Please remember that even if
I'm far away, even if you don't hear from me, I will always be right
by your side. You will never be far from my thoughts or my heart.
Goodbye, Sakura-chan. Please smile for me.
Your friend for all time,
Daidouji Tomoyo