Saturday, August 01, 2009

Not created equal

(him)"You don't like me!"

(me)"You're right, I don't like you...I LOVE you."

(him)"No, you hate me, and you love Shelby."

I knew this was coming. It was just a matter of time until he got wise to the fact that there could only be one favorite. I mean, get real...you can not like everything the same. It's impossible. And he's right. There is a clear winner. Let's examine the contestants:

Garrett, weighing in at 25 pounds, and standing at right below my crotch (whatever height that is) wins points for being the most dependant. He also wins points for napping the most. But looses points for crying the most and having the most poop. He is the worst dancer of the group but he gets points for effort. He looses points for trying to eat or maul all animals. He also looses points for not being able to sit still for one second of his life.

Shelby weighs in at whatever a four and a half year old is supposed to..same with her height. She wins points for asking the most questions, and getting the most answers correct when we do "riddle time" in the car. She looses points for not wanting to brush her hair..ever, or wear what mom wants her to- like anything that matches. She wins points for being a super helper who often reminds Dalton when he's "having a crummy attitude". She wins points for being the nicest with animals, but looses points for not being super helpful when it comes to the chores associated with the pets. She loses points for not liking pasta, or cheese but wins points for liking black beans and avocados.

Dalton weighs in at too heavy for Mom to pick up anymore (sad) and stands at Mom's rib cage. He wins points for being the best older brother anyone could ever ask for. He is a great player, but loses points because of his follow-through with clean up (which he has been improving on). He wins points when it comes to good eating. (no cavities at the last check up) but loses points because of his sweet tooth (although this one might be genetic from me, so we'll call it a wash). He wins points for his kindness, which is evidenced from his social calendar, and the number of friends who love him. He looses points for the amount of time he spends on the DS/Wii, but wins points for his great dance moves, his awesome fashion sense, and his rip-sticking abilities.

Garrett is like a side of bacon. The satisfying aroma is heavy. There is just the right amount of fat. He is full of hearty flavor. He fills you up completely. Afterwards you are tired, and need a nap.

Shelby would be a Mimosa. With just the right amount of sparkling bubbles, she is intoxicating. The orange juice is perfectly sweet but it still has some tang to it. She is completely refreshing, and leaves you a teensy bit dizzy afterwards.

Dalton is a big plate of flap jacks. The perfect amount of sweet and satisfying. He is incredibly versatile and you can pair him with almost anything. He has a recipe that people always come back for. He is easy and light. He hits the spot. You could have him every day and never tire.

So, how do I compare the three? How do I choose a winner? I can't. The three together make for a perfect combination. Sorry flap jack, that's just the way it is. Don't be threatened by the Mimosa or bacon.

My Story

Grew up in Happy Valley, which explains my perpetual state of happiness. Married young, (well duh, we had been on at least eight dates already and my nineteen year old clock was ticking. Plus, how long could we really hold out..eef you know what I mean?) Made life a living hell for my husband Gavin for a couple of years, just because you can do that when someone is bound to you for the rest of eternity, and your only other long-term relationship was with Luke Perry from 90210. Got pregnant young, (we'd been married for three years already- my eggs were practically shriveled up..and plus that birth control was really hard to remember to take). We moved as a happy family to Boston, after Gavin graduated from BYU with his MBA. I was determined to make friends with as many non-mormons as possible, so that I could be the most worldly mormon from Utah and possibly convert all my new friends so that we could all live in the same cul-de-sack in the Draper/Alpine neighborhood of the Celestial Kingdom. They succumbed to being my friend, but didn't fall for the mormon part. Much to my surprise, I learned that even without being born under the covenant, they were nice people who liked their kids and didn't beat them, or mope around the house in deep depression all day wondering what the meaning of life was. Wowzers. Had a lot of fights with Gavin. He worked his arse off in consulting, while I spent my arse off with money that we didn't have. Started connecting dots. Fought some more with Gav. Got pregnant again, cause we can't just have one child, even if we do hate each other. Had some life-changing experiences with women who would forever be bonded to me through the shared perils of life and motherhood. Moved away from Boston, so that we could afford a house, let the kids see their relatives, and so that I could go back to school. Wanted to die, die, die for about two years. Thought that Utah and I were not destined to be roomies. Started back up at school at the U. Liked using my brain again for non-kid-related things. Started to like life again. Wondered if I should get pregnant again. Thought that three sounded just a titch more fun than two, so decided that three it was. Had a hell of a time with being pregnant at the end, as well as the whole first year of the baby's life. Think I lost my sanity for a bit along with the placenta. The kid ended up being a keeper, and is now the mascot of our family. We have a gecko, a stray fat black cat, and a new little shelter kitten. We live in Salt Lake near the University of Utah. We have an old house. I have big plans for a remodel, that divert my attention from my studies on days I need an escape. I have been journaling since I could write my name. My mother figured that it was safer than sex and rock-n-roll. I have been blogging for about two years. I am en route for a Master of something degree. Some days it's a Master of Social Work, other days it's a joint Master of Public Administration. Other days I just want to collect data on the why's and how's behind life. Who knows- maybe I'll drop out and go to hair school (no offense bro). So now a days, I have chilled out somewhat. I am most-of-the-time happily married to Gavin (Don't ask me how that one came about. Think we both just screamed "Uncle" at the same time and called it a draw), who most-of-the-time acts like an adult. I have three kids who are most-of-the-time stellar (and who, to be honest I REALLY LIKE. Again, who knew?!) and most-of-the-time I am content, even if I may be tired, or angry, or venting, or sad, or overwhelmed...under it all I feel pretty dang content...which is nice. I would say that my life right now most resembles the movie Ground Hog Day, with Bill Murray. Each day seems eerily similar, and luckily I have had a lot of chances to try and do better. Oh, things that weird me out are people who are never mad-sad-wrong-or crappy, giant SUV's, thinking about lame things I've done-said-thought in the past, having sick kids where I feel powerless, pretending I like someone/something I don't, pretending period, giving a crap about insignificant things, dealing with lame stuff, and having a fake tooth, a widow's peak, mild acne, and identity confusion as to whether I am supposed to be a blond or a brunette. Other than that, it's all good.

Good Reads

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The reason that Gavin and I are still married. Life saving. A deep look at why we are attracted to who we are, and why it's supposed to be so gut-wrenchingly hard at times. A wake-up call for those in a marriage on auto-pilot. Loved it.

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One of the best books I have read. A voracious journal-er, whose main stumbling block was his own sense of inadequacy, John Adams was one of the most complex characters in our nation's history. Passionately believing in his own set of ide...

Read this book in my younger days when anything written by a liberal was basically on par with cheap drugstore porn. Was thankfully confused when I found myself impressed with Hillary Clinton, against what I thought was my better judgement...

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We were the underdogs. And if you ever thought that it was divine providence that led George Washington's ragged group of men to overcome the odds and claim America as their own, you doubt it while reading this book.

Much ado about nothing? Hmmm. I think that it was revolutionary for it's time, because no one wrote the truth. This book, and the main character, seem so ordinary today, because we are comfortable with rambling self-reflection. But when...

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Is it just because I had such high expectations, after reading The Corrections, that I was disappointed? On the cover of Time, on Oprah, written up in every publication, etc. I mean, how could it be anything but fantastic? It will certai...

I give this book five stars because I think that it is a profound idea that Byron Katie is introducing- especially for those who are tormented with the weight of worry about those people and circumstances around them that they feel as thoug...

On Chesil Beach was an incredibly quick read that grabs you from the start (hello- a virgin on her wedding night set in England in the 1960's), and continues to impress with the vivid details the author paints each scene with, until the ver...

I almost wet my pants at times. I think that is the greatest compliment that you can give to an author who is telling a witty and funny little story. He is telling stories from his own life, which are at times terribly painful, yet he doe...

Another winner by Sedaris. Every story a gem. Every childhood tragedy and embarrassment turned in to a witty self deprecative look in to his self. Laughed throughout the entire thing, and got teary at a couple of them. I highly recommen...

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OK, I was kind of gagging that I had to read this. I mean, haven't I read enough pioneer tales for one life already? How many more sugar coated tales of surviving death by praying could I take?...and then I read this. For what it was, it...