I know its so cliche to say, but we blinked and Breaker turned a year old. His entire life has been a whirlwind. From finding out I was pregnant with him the day before we got on a plane to move across the country, to having him in Utah, in a hospital and area we weren't super familiar with, to moving back across the country on a moment's notice, to being "homeless" for 2 months straight while we house hunted...I'm so glad he is such an easy going, happy baby. I'm glad we survived his first year! The baby stage is my favorite, but since this is my 3rd time around, I know more than ever that it just keeps getting better.

Breaker Blue,
I love you so much. I could literally just eat you. You are so cute, its just not right.

You are the most loved little baby. Not only by me and your daddy, but you have brothers who adore you! They talk about how cute you are, they love to hug you and each run to squeeze you before you go down for naps. They almost exclusively call you "Breaker Bug." Shepherd is so sweet with you, putting in the time, playing peek a boo and making you laugh. Major is so good about giving you a paci when you're upset, even though he also will steal it from you every chance he gets. You get woken up, almost every day, because no matter how many times I tell them, they refuse to let you sleep all morning when they are ready to play with you!

For the past few months, you preferred to nurse to sleep and then immediately get in your crib. But lately you've been wanting me to rock you after you finish nursing. We snuggle in the chair in your room and sing songs. I always sing "your" song..."Daughter" that was playing when you were born. Whenever I hear that song, even though that was such a hard day and delivery for me, its like the mind just numbs you to all of the hard stuff, because when I hear that song, all I feel is joy and remembering exactly how I felt, laying there on the operating table, waiting for you, and the doctor holding you up to the clear drape I had requested so I could see you as soon as possible, and the immediate love and pride I felt in seeing you and your head of dark hair.

You've learned how to shake your head "no" and sometimes when you're doing something you're not supposed to (like pulling on plants!) I'll look at you and say "no, no, no, Breaker" and you'll look at me and smile and shake your head, then do it anyway and laugh. I've wondered a few times if you're going to be the comedic relief of our family.

You are such a good little eater. You'll eat anything, but you love ham and hard boiled eggs the most (except for not the "yellow" as your brothers call it.) When I pull the ham out of the fridge, you get so excited, and usually go for seconds. And lets not forget that you literally ate the entire smash cake at your first birthday party. You know those are really just for cute pictures, but you were like "Challenge Accepted" when you saw that entire cake in front of you. ;)

You know how to do things already, that I never taught you. For months I thought you hated water, or just weren't ready for a sippy cup, because every time I gave you your baby cup, you would throw it. Then one day, you found Major's cup on the floor and picked it up and downed the entire thing! I couldn't believe you knew how to use a straw, and I felt so bad that I had been denying you water for so long by giving you the wrong cup. You also knew how to eat out of a fruit pouch. I had been spoon feeding you whenever I gave you pureed baby food, and one day for some reason you had a fruit pouch, and I assumed you'd get it everywhere. But no, you surprised me again by eating the entire thing and not spilling a drop on your very first try. Maybe its because you see your brothers doing stuff? You're going to be learning stuff early your whole life.

You are such a mommy's boy, and I love how much you love me! I'm like a rockstar to you :) The other weekend, Daddy had you and your brothers outside while I took a shower. I guess it had been too long since you'd seen me, because when I came out to see you, you almost flipped the high chair you were sitting in over from bouncing up and down. You were literally clapping and grinning at the sight of me. I wish I had it on video.

You love the bathtub, more than anyone I've ever seen. You're tall enough now that you can actually fit your leg up on the side, so I have to watch you and not let you climb in and fall when I'm not looking. I swear, as long as I live, I will never see a cuter sight than your little naked rolls, splashing around the bath.

Breaker Bug, thank you for giving us something to be happy about, when we've had a year that has been hard in a lot of other ways. I'm sorry that your first year has been so crazy, but I don't think you've noticed. In the days after Nana's death, everyone commented about how glad they were I had you with me at all times, because you brought a smile to everyone's face and gave them a happy distraction. I couldn't have done that if you'd been anything other than the perfect baby. You go to anyone, you go with the flow, you can eat or sleep anywhere. I seriously lucked out with you.

My prayer for you is that you live a Big life. What that means is up to you. I just want you to be able to look back on your life and be proud. I want you to live a life you love. I want you to have unshakeable joy. For you to have fun and seek adventures, that you seek wisdom and know the value of honesty, integrity, loyalty...all the good stuff.
I pray that you realize, early in life, that you need a Savior. Life is not always easy, I am just now finding this out. But life is SO much easier when you know, really know, that it is all already ok. That you have a Father, who is bigger than it all. When you know that, your joy does not go away when life is "down."
I want you to find your passion. I can't wait to know what it is, and I promise to help you thrive with it. I want you to be confident. I want you to know the value of surrounding yourself with good friends, who are also good people. Friends who lift you up. I want you to know that you become like the people you are around the most, and I want you to fiercely guard that.
I want you to also guard your heart and mind. I want you to fill your mind with good thoughts, your conversations with people who talk about ideas and places and laughter, and not mean words or sinful talk.

Being your mom is my hardest job, my greatest privilege, and the thing I promise to work the hardest at for my whole life.

So the other day, Breaker was napping and the boys were playing in the living room. Shep comes to tell me that Major has dumped an entire box of greasy crackers on the couch and floor. I hurry and get the vacuum because I'm worried about them staining the couch and tell Major to sit down, he is in time out for dumping the box. I start vacuuming, and when I turn it off I realize Major was no longer sitting there. Sometimes when he gets in trouble he goes off to pout. I immediately wonder what new mess he's making or trouble he's getting into, and go into the kitchen, assuming he's in there. He's not and I start calling for him and searching the house. I search a few rooms and realize the front door is open and the screen door is unlocked. I immediately run out of the house and start panicking. I run to the road and don't see him (we live on a busy road, but thankfully a little far back) then I panic and run to the back yard, all the way to the creek in the very back. It hasn't rained recently, so thankfully the creek wasn't high at all or I probably would have jumped in. I run up and down the creek and don't see him, so I run around the house the other way, screaming his name. Shep is at the front door, and said he still hasn't found him inside. I search THE ENTIRE HOUSE. My vision was literally going black and blurry, I felt like I was going to pass out I was so worried. I wake up Breaker, thinking maybe he'd snuck in his room. I look under beds, behind chairs, under covers. I go upstairs, twice and search every room. These kids never go upstairs without me, so I really didn't think he was up there. This entire time I'm screaming his name. I go back outside to look again. I call Joey, and I feel so bad that I did, because he's already gotten one hysterical phone call this year when his mom died. He said his stomach dropped and he immediately thought someone had picked him up in their car. I go back inside and upstairs again, even though I'd searched twice. There, completely underneath the train table, covered in toys, I saw Major's little foot sticking out. He had heard the entire thing and stayed quiet as a mouse. I picked him up and told Joey I'd found him (I was still on the phone with him).

Major's response: "I was playing hide and seek. You hurt my feelings."

If you woke up this morning and mourned that its a Monday without a Bachelor episode to look forward to...you've come to the right place! Today I am talking all about The Bachelor ;)
We actually won't have to wait long for the next season...Rachel's season will air in May. May 22, but who's counting.

This was a weird season. I love Nick. Like out of every bachelor ever, he's the only one I would actually want to date. But I just did not like Vanessa. Usually you like the girls the more you get to know them...and she was the opposite. I gave her the benefit of the doubt in the beginning of the season, but just the more we saw of her, the less I liked her. Also, this season just felt so "produced" to me. There was so much editing and situations that were handled to make the viewer feel a certain way. I didn't like it and it just made me annoyed with the show. Like if this was the first season ever, would I keep watching and be as obsessed as I am? I don't think so.

So I hope they last...

But I just don't think my man is happy.

Time will tell!

I can't help it, I just love him.

Just for fun, heres a little walk down memory lane for you!
I started watching this show on Travis' season, but I didn't really get invested until Brad Womack's first season. Someone please do the math and
tell me how many hours of my life I have dedicated to this show. I need to be on a panel or something.
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To refresh your memory, starting on the left and going down.
Travis Stork (Now he's on The Doctors!)
Lorenzo (the Prince!)
Andy Baldwin (An Officer and a Gentleman season!)
Brad Womack (Round 1!)
Matt Grant (London Calling season!)
Jason Mesnick (my pick for the actual MOST DRAMATIC SEASON EVER)
Jake Pavelka (who remembers the theme song they did this season! Hilarious)
Brad Womack (Round 2!)
Ben Flajnik (The wine guy, also had maybe sex in the ocean.)
Sean Lowe (The virgin bachelor!)
Juan Pablo (Not sure they thought this one through)
Chris Soules (Prince Farming season!)
Ben Higgins (The Perfect 10 Ben season!)
Nick Viall (4th times the charm!)

Who is your favorite? Least favorite?

My favorite bachelor of all time is...

Sean Lowe!

I just loved his season. I wasn't expecting to. But my favorite thing in a bachelor is someone who takes it seriously and asks the tough questions, and Sean was perfect.

Runner up:
Brad Womack (2nd season!)

I also love seasons where it is so obvious who they are picking. Brad was never going to not pick Emily. And I just loved the love!

Honorable mention:
Matt Grant.

I don't even remember his season, other than who he picked, but I remember loving it. I think he was kind of goofy and I just thought it was fun.

Now, my LEAST favorite bachelor of all time:
Chris Soules.

He was THE WORST. He could barely put together a thought, let alone a sentence. His season also felt very "produced" to me. Like there were producers behind the camera telling him stuff to do or go along with to make the show more interesting. I still don't like to see him.

Runner Up:
Jake Pavelka

He was also the worst, and is probably still in need of anger management.

AND the winner of MOST DRAMATIC SEASON EVER:

Jason Mesnick

The After the Final Rose, where he dumped Melissa Rycroft on national television and then asked to get back together with the runner up on the show, Molly. DRAMA! I don't see how anything will ever top that.

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Now for our Bachelorettes!
In chronological order, starting on the left, going across: