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Chastised by Dr. Drew

September 19, 2012

Hi Readers! I was on Dr. Drew last night, as you can see, below. I like this clip and I very much liked the other lady he had on, Lisa Bloom. But what you won’t see here is the clip that played before my introduction. It was of the two Iowa girls who have been missing for two months. And what you won’t see that came AFTER this clip: an interview with the girls’ distraught aunt, who says she thinks they were quite possibly abducted into the “white slave” trade. And then came a caller who had been abducted as a child, another caller who had been abused as a child, a video clip of an attempted child abduction on the streets of Philadelphia (horrifying) and two brief chats with Marc Klaas, father of Polly Klass, a girl who was abducted from her bedroom and murdered. (Which doesn’t seem to have much relevance when it comes to whether our kids are safe outside.)

The point I made midway through this half-hour chat was simply this: When MY mom let me play outside, she was not first shown videos of four children abducted over the course of 20 years, all of them several states away from us. Thus she made her decision based on her own observations of her own community.

This is something we don’t allow parents to do anymore — or at least Dr. Drew seems against it. Instead, we are told to take into account all the worst case scenarios that have ever befallen any (white, American) children anywhere, as if they are as relevant as what we see out our own windows.

Which is why what we often see out our own windows is an empty street, with no children playing. – L.

Someone should have told Dr. Overacting, that the kids would be so much safer in the park without their parents. Because this pandemic of abuse that Dr. Overacting is dealing with everyday in his profession, are as a result of family members being the abusers.

What a complete moron. He did not have Lenore on his show for any reason other than to berate and attack her.

I think Dr. Drew shoud show the names of the celebrities that he treated on his “Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew” show that overdosed and DIED before HIS introduction:
Mike Starr
Jeff Conaway
Rodney King
Joey Kovar

Dr. Drew has earned no respect from me during the hours I have watched him.

The key secret of the mainstream addiction treatment industry is that powerful peer-reviewed evidence supports the effectiveness of alternatives to 12-step programs for many people. After listening to him over the hours that I have, his determination to ignore well-established evidence and go with, “such-and-such is the carnage I’ve seen,” and “if you don’t take my path, terrible things will happen,” his similarly dismissive response to Lenore doesn’t surprise me.

Wow, but Dr. Drew is annoying! “Kids can drown in two centimeters of water!” Clearly, then, water-drinking is something we have to do away with. “Immigrants threw their kids into the street and whoever survived, survived!” Yes, it was nature red in tooth and claw on the streets of Brooklyn.

I don’t know about paying you to not watch my son play in Central Park. I would be okay with him playing there as long as there were other kids, especially ones who liked playing soccer. My husband, on the other hand, has watched “Fort Apache:The Bronx” one too many times and thinks that all of NYC is like that.

First of all, I recall watching Dr. Drew on Love Line when I was in high school, and thinking that not all of the advice he was providing was sound, as some of it flew in the face of established medical facts, and some of it flew in the face of common sense. So I’ve never had a whole lot of respect for Dr. Drew’s opinion.

Second, I live in Iowa, about 3 hours away from where those two little girls were abducted. It is horrible, yes, and it is a tragedy, and I have all due respect for their aunt, who is clearly in pain. But last I’d heard, their local police were theorizing that the girls knew their kidnapper, and they were busily interviewing family and friends of the family. Also, several of these kids’ family members and family friends had a history of criminal behavior, much of it related to drugs (if I remember correctly). This does not, in any way, diminish the horror of the situation, or the pain that the family is feeling. But it does indicate to me that this situation is a little different than, say, my kid playing in front yard of our house.

Lenore – I have a term for you and you are free to use it as much as you like it when being interviewed – these tactics ares a product of the “Hysteria Industry.” This includes overly serious scary stories, safety products, fingerprinting rackets sold at the schools (every year, even though they should last for a lifetime). And, of course, the first 100 or so pages of every Scout book now is about pedophiles.

Every single event in our lives have a “what if” attached to it. Getting out of bed is an assumption of risk. We go to the lake a lot. I taught my kids to swim well and save themselves from an early age so I don’t have to panic and watch their every move each time they are near the water. I PREPARED THEM.

You know what Dr. Drew didn’t play? A phone call to me, or my best friend, or any of the kids I grew up with, or any of the MILLIONS of people who have (a) not been abducted, or (b) not known someone who has been abducted.

That would have been a seemingly far less interesting, and yet far more ENLIGHTENING show. Geez. We’re not idiots, Dr. Drew. We know that you’re just trying to get viewers by trying to sensationalize things.

Good job Lenore. Dr Drew wouldn’t have a TV show if he didn’t hype the fear factor. Unfortunately for him he came of as a wimp who instead of leading people to overcome their fears he was capitalizing on those fears to further his career.

Lenore, I didn’t let my kids bike to school yesterday because I was afraid something bad would happen. I didn’t think of these Iowa girls who disappeared on their bikes. No, there was an actual TORNADO watch in my area with high wind advisories (thankfully we didn’t get hit).
I wish Dr. Drew would stop preaching for parents to remove all logic and judgement when it comes to raising children.

I thought Lenore did great! It helps when she’s actually allowed to speak and not just react to moms on at the same time who have lost a child to some tragedy. And it was nice to see the other guests agreeing with Lenore!

I feel like we just need to keep coming back to the fact that if we let our kids outside and if we – as a community- are aware that there are kids out and then get to know everyone…what we’re doing is rebuilding the proverbial village and increasing the odds that the community will be safer. It would become a Neighborhood Watch in the best sense of the phrase. Especially since we’d be watching for skinned knees and lost frisbees just as much as suspicious lurkers and bullies. I feel like that is the argument that will ultimately win the hearts and minds of the fearful. Yes, it’s safer now than it was then — imagine how much safer we would feel if we were all helping each other out.

Well…I do agree with Dr. Drew that of my generation (kids in the 70s) it’s shocking when I hear from my peers of so much molestation that had gone on back then, simply because kids WERE given too much freedom. Sure, crime is much lower now…but it’s because kids aren’t as available to molest as they used to be. I think you paint a little too rosy a picture of “older kids kindly mentoring the younger”. When I have other memories of some older kids in my own neighborhood instead being nasty and showing off their smoking talents, ha ha

But, nonetheless, a simple walk to a park in the neighborhood for an 8+ kid would be okay with me. Not sure what your whole “pay $350 for the priviledge to play with others at a free park” was all about. Definitely would NOT be allowing my kid to do THAT!

You Killed it as usual L the problem with Dr. Drew is that he is a huge part of the “fear” industry in America. If the horrible truth “that the streets are actually safe” actually gets out he will be out of a job so he and the rest of the “shock” media’s are not going down without a fight.

I’d never watched Dr. Drew before and only now watched the clip because you were interviewed. I can tell you in all honesty, I won’t be watching him again (with or without you being interviewed). He’s certainly entitled to his opinions – after all, it is his show – but he had you on their to make his point, regardless of how weighted the show was against you. You did wonderfully against this attack and and I think you’ll find more people agreed with you stance than his. Good job.

Lenore, I just watched this episode this morning – I’m was looking to see how honest Dr. Drew’s producers are with the guests they book on the show. It was interesting to read your post just now about the juxtapositioning of your segment with Iowa abductions. Did the producers tell you up front that Dr. Drew was going to be opposing your perspective, and did you have any idea they were going to set it up this way?

I found it interesting that the good doctor immediately assumes something nefarious from preteens and teens playing together. When I was a kid growing up in Chicago (your hometown, Lenore!) in the ’80s, there were only a few houses on our block with kids. When I was 9, ny friends ranged in age from 5 to 14, and that was normal.

Sent a message of to the Doc. Asking him why he didn’t explain that the “pandemic” of abuse he was dealing with, was mostly commited by family members, and close family friends. Waiting for his response. Still waiting to hear back from Ambush Anderson Cooper, as well.

Lenore,
What a jackass he is! I am almost speechless, and I must say you handled yourself very well. I would have been tearing him apart due to his “what ifs” and scenario stating. His FEARS are shared by many, and I just LOVE that you are out there spreading the word and FACTS. What people don’t get is that they are breeding peole who will not flourish in all environments. My son is a “free range kid” and I get multiple comments daily regarding his personality. And he listens and pays attention to his surroundings because I TRUST him and he knows it.
KEEP IT UP!

600 kids a year lost their limbs from a lawn mover accident ? Is that worldwide or just the US ? The odds either way are less than getting struck by lightning. Dr. Drew is a moron. He is making a living off the fear-mongering that the media has provided. His paycheck dictates that he must instaill the media-driven fear into all of us.

Here’s an observation. ONE reason, a BIG reason, that we all do a “huddle and fear” when we get media reports of child abduction is because, in the Year of Our Lord 2012, our mutual, common fear of our children being hurt is just about the one common denominator we share as a society.

We’re splintered up everywhere, but at least we can agree we want our children safe.

And of course, just like any good horror movie proves, it IS FUN to shudder and shake at fears.

PS: I deeply admire Lenore for having the courage to push forward with this issue. It takes guts.

The thing that we are also losing sight of is that, when these kids turn a certain age – they won’t know how to act in most situations. They will know how to play video games with others, but not how to socialize unless an adult is there, or not know how to deal with other people.
What, at 18, now you think your kid will be able to do all sorts of stuff because he or she is 18? that’s what is craziness. kids have to learn all these things – in an age appropriate way. and part of that is to learn to do things on their own.
it’s amazing to me what parents do for their kids these days.

Another point that “Dr.” Drew is missing is that as unfortunate as it is accidents do happen. Sometimes people die, kids too. That’s why they are called accidents and maybe if some of those kids who had their arm cut off by the lawn mower had spent more time playing outside they would have been more aware of their surroundings and would have developed the skills to have avoided that accident. That guy makes me sick.

Wow- he came across as rude. Glad you stood your ground. I am lucky to live in a neighborhood with lots of kids ages 6-11 that roam freely around each others yards. It’s the way I grew up and love to pass that on to my kids.

Today my almost-6yo daughter got ticked at me in the natural history museum, and decided to walk ahead of me on the way out. I continued at my usual pace and reached a spot where she might have gone either left or right. (We’ve been there about 100 times; both ways lead to the doors eventually.) I decided to go right as that is the way we usually exit, but she’d gone left, retracing the way we’d come in.

There was a group of people on a guided tour, and I asked if they’d noticed a little girl in a red dress. Nobody had. I went a little farther before turning around to check in the other direction.

Other people got all alarmed and advised me to rush to security and report her missing, etc. Now, it had just been a few minutes since she’d left my side. I figured she’d be a little scared, but I wasn’t afraid of anything else. I was very calm and not in a hurry. (My other kid was putzing so it’s not like I could have walked much faster anyway.) It struck me later that people thought I should have been terrified.

As I began to retrace my steps, a nice lady came along holding my tearful daughter’s hand. As far as I was concerned, the drama was quite well-contained. I got to comfort my little girl and she was back to her crabby self in no time. Can you imagine how much worse it would have been if I’d left the area to go get security involved? People, get a grip. What’s gonna happen in a natural history museum? All the predators there died millenia ago.

Also: back in the 1970s, if I got lost in the grocery store or department store (happened many times!), it was I who was in tears, and my mother was simply inconvenienced.

Fast-forward 40 years and if a child gets lost for two seconds it’s MOM who is in tears! WTF????

Wow. We really make a lot of leaps when our kids are out of sight these days, hey? Well, not me. I’m old school. If my kid wanders away from me in the store and I can’t find them, what am I? Exasperated, yes. Inconvenienced, yes. Hysterical? Not really. But the grown-ups around me sure can be!!

Ooof. Now I know why I have not owned a TV for over 20 years. Well, for one thing, my last child was homeschooled until she was 8 (she is 29 now), so I couldn’t have that low-life negative influence in her face. Her father was terribly inconvenienced, so we put a TV in the attic, and occasionally she and he would put on their hats, coats, mittens, and smiles and go up there and watch it together. (We lived in Massachusetts – cold.) You go, girl, with your ability to put up with arrogant ignorance. My grandchildren thank you from the heart.

I don’t understand what his comment about the lawn mowers was supposed to prove. No one is asking them to mow the grass at the park! I love that my kids play on their own, even outside. They are only 4 and 6 but they know their boundaries.

I think you were brilliant!! My favorite lines, “It’s called playing.” and “But I’m NOT watching your kids!” LOVE IT!! You are so right on!! When I was a 8, in the 80’s, my mom let me walk up town with my best friend, several blocks away, to go shopping. There were no cell phones. She just trusted that I knew about stranger danger, taught to cross the streets safely and let me go. It wasn’t a huge town but big enough to have a university in it. So there were tons of people around. Great stuff!

I’m late posting, but I wanted to agree with Slawebb–Lenore, despite the man trying his best to downplay your points, you were great. “But I’m NOT watching your kids” and “it’s called PLAYING.” Just like Slawebb said–those were my favorite lines too.

Between you & the other wonderful lady–honestly, he didn’t stand a chance.

Lenore–we love you so much. You are our hero. You not only advocate what you advocate, you do so with unstoppable energy and passion, and have the fortitude to go on shows hosted by people whom you know are against you in everyway. You are to be commended most strongly.

ha!
The worst part is that the ticker tape in the bottom! It said: “Women offering unsupervised play-dates in central Park” Playdates!??? It’s the opposite of a playdate, it’s just PLAY! that ticker tape thing tells they just don’t get it.

Oh, and the woman who said she was uncomfortable with the idea of her kid being around a teenager. Lord help us all. What’s her kid going to do when he goes to work and has to deal with a boss who doesn’t happen to be an age peer?

OK, so my kids are enrolled in The Little Gym so they can get some exercise through the 50% of the year when it’s cold & dark by the time they get home from school.

Little Gym sent me this advertisement (excerpts):

“Remember the Freedom of Childhood?
They Can Have It Too”

Be there for them…even when you can’t be there.
With Amber Alert GPS

Remember those childhood days spent riding through town on your bike or exploring the world…heading home only when dusk settled into night? Sadly, those days are gone. We live in a different world.

But now you can let your kids be kids. And you can still feel safe and secure. It’s all possible with the NEW Amber Alert GPS. And it can be yours FREE.

Amber Alert GPS combines the power of a miniaturized GPS unit with cellular technology to ensure you know where your child is AT ALL TIMES.
*****

Sigh. I understand people need to market to make money, but really. If I feel the need to know where my child is AT ALL TIMES, I don’t need a microchip to make that happen. But besides that, why do we need to know where kids are AT ALL TIMES? They aren’t just talking about little putzers. At what points are kids allowed to take on identities of their own?

And, how do we explain to kids the need to carry these devices? “Because anyone could grab you at any moment”? Or “Because I don’t trust you as far as I can throw you”?

@SKL – Ick. Just ick. In my mind, the idea that anyone with the know how could follow my kid at all times through their GPS tracking device is incredibly frightening. No one needs to know where my kid is at all times. If I need to find him, I’ll be able to, without the help of a tracking device.

AW13, I know. My kids get weirded out just knowing I can check the internet to find out how they’re doing in school.

Last night we were talking about some kid misbehaving in school, and I told them I’d better not hear of my kids doing that, or else. And I said, “I have many ways of finding out what’s going on at school.” My 5yo said, “yeah, I know,” and she proceeded to pantomime checking the internet, talking on the phone, and staring with big, prying eyes. LOL. I like being able to keep tabs so things don’t spiral out of control, but I sometimes wonder what it feels like to be on the other side of that. When I was a kid, you could “lose” your bad papers and doctor your grades and hope your parents would fall for it, LOL. (They never did, of course.) That part of childhood is forever gone – though I think that’s actually not a tragedy.

I know how to find my kid… find the door he left open, see the shoes he kicked off outside. Follow the holes in the yard from the stick he’s carrying. See the stick, tossed aside, on the way down our side yard. Listen for the child talking to himself or his brothers.

Or, wait a little bit and he’ll come back in to fix himself a snack or get some water.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to keep track of a kid.

In the exceedingly rare instances that bad things happen – most of these precautions wouldn’t prevent them. They can, however, undermine kids’ self confidence and their ability to negotiate that big bad world without us.

My new stance is “So sorry you have **** problem. What are you going to do about it?”

I no longer talk to coaches or teachers FOR my children (about, but not for). All of my children are school age and can articulate their needs if I don’t jump in and do it for them.

I find it interesting how much and how little credit criminals are given simultaneously. Per Hope’s assembly, we’re supposed to fear that a predator will see our child’s post on facebook (out of the millions of facebook users) saying mom and dad are out of town, track her down (maybe even flying or driving long distances), follow her until alone and then kidnap, rape and murder her. They are smart and determined enough to do all that but will fail to look for and throw away a GPS or cell phone?

In my experience criminals do tend to be stupid (acting impulsively and not thoughtful) and are often caught because they are stupid, but let’s stick with one theme in our panic. The world is not full of highly intelligent criminals who will go to the ends of the earth to commit crimes but will forget that teens have cell phones.

His logic is partially responsible for explaining why our streets are almost entirely devoid of children playing. The media hype plays right into the hands of uninformed, indifferent and irresponsible parents who run away with it.

We live in a society whose children are plugged into video games, TV’s, computers and cell phones. Parents must ensure that their kids are engaged and active in real life. They should take the necessary precautions to protect their kids; while busy doing so, the children will play.

I second the prior commentor who remembers this jackass from Loveline. I don’t know how he managed to parlay giving blowjob advice into a quasi-respectable media career, but he did. He doesn’t deserve it, based on what I remember from Loveline. His advice on that show was sexist and regressive. I vividly remember him and fellow douchebag Adam Carolla tag-teaming a 19-year-old male virgin to make him feel as weird and uncomfortable about his lack of experience as possible, but praised a female virgin who was around the same age, in the very same episode. I’ve avoided him ever since:in his terribly exploitative Celebrity Rehab, and in this. Won’t even watch the clip. Sorry for his attempted slamming of Lenore.

I really would like to see a movie script you write about the future of our children in America. It makes me think of the movies Idiocracy and Demolition Man. Not that either of those movies were great, but the idea is if society continues on a path of overindulgence in a particular viewpoint, things eventually just get ridiculous. Our over-protection of our kids has to find some rational ground.

TV has been selling fear for decades. It’s highly emotional and therefore it often overrides facts such as

Children grow up to be adult age.
We can’t stop that from happening.
We CAN prevent them from becoming mature.

Helicopter parents don’t understand that they are hurting their children by not allowing them to become self reliant. Childhood should be the place where they learn to climb the ladder on a playground and practice picking themselves up after a skinned knee.

In adulthood, the ladders get very high and the injuries get quite severe. Anxiety and depression is soooooooooooo much more common abduction. (A million times?) However according to TV, abduction happens twice a day and three times on Saturdays. It’s on TV so therefore it must be true.

Dr Drew is also selling fear at the expense of allowing children to become mature. It helps his ratings so that’s all that matters I guess.

Helicopter parents think they are helping their children when they make them face the serious calamities of adulthood WITHOUT letting them first practice on minor ones as a child. They completely disregard the dangers of anxiety and depression

The worst thing is, I’ve discovered it’s not just parents who believe this fearmongering crap. A couple of weeks ago when my 10yo DD was walking home from school (which she does every day, even when it’s raining), a gaggle of older kids — she described them as “teenagers”, but of course that could mean anything — also walking somewhere passed her on the sidewalk and heckled her: “You’re gonna get kidnapped, little girl!” Three guesses where they got that idea :S

Dr. Drew is a scurdy cat. lol Wow. Just goes to show you, fear doesn’t discriminate. You can be a cop, military personal, fire fighter, even a doctor, if you have fear…you have fear. It’s a mental state that can affect everyone. But everyone has a choice of whether they will let it affect them. I’m surprised, that as doctor, he doesn’t realize it’s that very fear that has allowed society to mentally and emotionally evolve (or how I like to call it … de-evolve) into the paranoid bunch it is today. People like him don’t do those who fear, but are trying to get away from that way of thinking, any favors. If you can’t use common sense, don’t push your agenda on others. If people chose to let their kids play outside by themselves, leave them be. Don’t call the police or child services on them. Just because you are too fearful to let your kids play outside on their own, doesn’t mean you should ruin everyone else’s fun. Fearful people leave non fearful people alone, and non fearful people will leave you alone. Plain and simple.

If Dr. Drew were shown pictures of dead children from car accidents would he have advised that children NEVER ride in cars? If Dr. Drew were shown photos of children killed in little league baseball due to a baseball striking them in the chest (this has actually happened on more than one occasion), would he have advised that little league baseball be banned for children under 18?

[…] Children need the freedom to roam and discover their imaginations. The legacy we choose to pass forward can either be one of fear or one of independence and courage. The information superhighway brings immediate news now on kidnappings and missing children versus the old days when the news took a while, and this is turning Americans into a paranoid peoples. But there’s a group of parents who are looking to change how we parent called, “Free Range Kids.” The leader, Lenore Skenazy says: […]