Asexuals at the Pride Parade

The San Francisco Pride Parade is wild, exuberant -- and it's all about sex. How could it not be? The pride in question involves matters of the flesh and heart: of practices, partners and passions. That's why its tens of thousands of marchers range from the motorcycle-gunning Dykes on Bikes to leashed-and-gagged S/M "bottoms" to gay Christians to gay grandparents to "furries" (folks who like to wear animal costumes) to the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence: guys who cross-dress as nuns.

So it's interesting that this year, for the first time ever, an asexual contingent will march in SFPride.

A few months ago, I wrote a post here at PT about asexuals, a subculture seldom heard from amid the modern world's hypersexualized babel. Admittedly, I'd never heard of this subculture or given the idea much thought before reading an interview with British asexuals in the UK's Independent. What would it be like to be asexual in a Western world obsessed with sex and with identity? Society's obsession with sex pretty much tells asexuals to be silent and ashamed. Yet society's obsession with identity pretty much tells asexuals to march, bearing flags.

An asexual "does not experience attraction," explains Shawn Landis, who began writing asexual news for the San Francisco Examiner "after getting into an argument with an editor" over the notion "that having no sex drive was not a problem that required medical or psychiatric attention." Hoping to help "sort out the bafflement some of my fellow relationship examiners have encountered when discovering that there are people who simply do not want sex," Landis savors "ace" as the nickname for asexuals such as himself.

"Gay Pride parades are not the first place you'd expect to find asexuals marching," Landis writes. "Some people who identify as ace fall under the GLBT umbrella while many others do not. Members of the queer movement have reached out to asexuals to include them in their community. The acronym for this has now become GLBTQA (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, questioning, and asexual)."

Most other groups represented in this year's parade "will have more floats and more representatives," but the inclusion of an asexual group this year is "historic," Landis writes, hoping that the innovation "will make more people aware of this relatively small segment of the population. Little can be done to get people to stop thinking that people who simply do not want sex suffer from medical or psychological problems that causes this lack of desire." And although "some people that identify as ace feel they do not belong to the GLBT movement ... the asexual community wants recognition of their orientation" nonetheless.

The asexual presence at next Saturday's SFPride will test the tolerance of viewers worldwide. Sure, accepting basic same-sex sexuality is hard enough for some. For some, accepting gay marriage is a milestone, a point of pride and self-congratulation. Ditto group sex, horse-costume sex, and sex involving razor blades and blood. But tolerating no desire for sex?

If anything goes, logic dictates that we must also accept that nothing goes for some. If I make jokes or participate in stereotyping these people, then I must be "asexaphobic" and that had to be taught to me by someone else who is "asexaphobic".

"Why can't they have depression on some level is my question? Because they seem normal,is this the position you take?"

Declaring anything "normal" or "abnormal" is always problematic, especially for a non-professional such as myself. What the asexuals represented in the articles I have read seem is self-satisfied -- contented with how they are, despite how unusual it is in today's highly sexualized society.

You can be delusional or psychotic and content.If content and comfortable with yourself, then why a parade? I'm all for gay pride parades clearly this is different. If I once liked something then no longer do,I wouldn't consider celebrating It's being lost.I would try and find it. If it never existed I would wonder why and ask myself how this lost experience has changed my enjoyment of another or how if I don't find someone also in my position how a life alone will feel. Sincerely,David

I did state '' If it never existed I would wonder why....etc.
I only mentioned the Gay pride parade as something I'm for and there are good social reasons for it.
I'm sticking to my well thought statement. Sincerely,David

Why should any of this even be an issue? I realize that many people will not take my comment seriously but why should any of this matter?

At Mr. David, you seem to be just your average person standing behind your rather firm veiws on sexuality. I can understand that it is simply the way you are. This is the second article on asexuals that I have seen your remarks on relating asexuality to depression. In regards to this alone I must admit I am rather surprised, why does it concern you in the slightest(not meaning to sound accusatory, and please forgive me if I come across that way).

Why does being asexual have to mean a person is depressed? Yes, in some instances it could be, but if you get down to it everyone suffers from some sort of depression in their life, I could just as easily go around accusing sexual people that they engage in sex in order to compensate for some sort of depression, some feeling of inadequacy or some related nonesense.

Some asexual people may never have had sexual feelings, and to your argument that "you would wonder why" and try to find out, maybe asexual people DO. Some asexuals might not even know about the classification for the way they, or rather the lack of what they feel, for sex. They might question this heavily and that is precisely WHY their was most likely some desire from the asexual community to participate in the parade.

They don't want to tell people "sex is wrong" they want to let people know who aren't interested in sex that they might not be depressed, that it isn't the only answer to their lack of sexual drive and to let people know that their are people like them out there so that one day there will no longer be a response of "it's just a manifestation of depression" like YOURS. (and THAT was meant to be accusatory)

And if the topic distresses you so simply stop looking for articles to post your biased responses are, and if you are honestly interested in more information on asexuals i would suggest you try this website, it helped me a great deal.

Thank you, A Bit Surprised! I don't think most people understand that asexuality has absolutely nothing to do with depression. I'm an asexual woman, and I haven't had a sexual relationship in over 20 years. I have no urgent need to leap into relationship out of desperation, or have casual sex, or have sex with another person, for that matter. I'm not depressed. I have had men hit on me (it's flattering, but just not happening). I do have a rich, wonderful, and busy life. A life that I thoroughly enjoy, full of good friends, great family, financial security, a nice home, and lots of time to think and do whatever strikes my fancy. Sex just happens to be a peripheral concept that I don't place much (or any) emphasis on. The vast majority of society does enough of that already on it's own, that it isn't going to miss my lack of contribution. And I don't need another person to make me happy. I'm happy just as I am, doing what I enjoy, and feel comfortable with myself and my life. If someone else thinks that's a problem (or due to depression), then maybe they need to examine their own life or how they relate to all aspects of society. Maybe labeling it as 'depression' is simply their coping mechanism.

For further enlightenment, www.asexuality.org is one of the most informative sites regarding asexuality, and I'm so happy to see that you presented this link. Thank you!

Your life is what I'm hoping to have once in out of college. Asexuality is such a simple concept to me-I don't see why it's so hard to understand. Someone compared it to the beauty of flowers online: asexual a see people as people see flowers: they're pretty, but you just don't want to have sex with the flowers.
I'm asexual, and I may have only found out about the word within the last year or so, but it made the most sense out of anything to me. I'd have never known about it if I hadn't read an article online. No-one EVER talks about it where I live. I'm lucky since I have a great, supporting family who agreed with me that I've asexual traits even before puberty and all throughout my teens. I've never been diagnosed with depression or any illness that needs to be treated: I'm just me.

I don't think that asexuals should be forced to either pretend to be something they aren't or just die alone, but I also kind of just want to be alone. Maybe I'll marry a nice guy or gal or whatever (I'm pan-romantic) who'll have me and we'll live as cuddle-buddies or I'll make a bunch of friends and keep my family close and they can be my platonic cuddle-buddies. I'd be perfectly happy either way. :)

How on Earth are all asexuals depressed or insecure of themselves? My homosexual friend currently suffers from mild depression, does that make him asexual? No, he is still sexually attracted to males. I wouldn't deny the fact that there are some asexuals who are depressed or insecure, but most of us aren't. I identify as a biromantic asexual, and I was very offended by your comment. I have a secure job, a beautiful girlfriend who loves me for whom I am, and a generally fun-filled life. Did I mention that I get hit on by guys and girls pretty often? Why would I be "insecure" of having sex? I'm just not attracted to anyone sexually and that's not hurting you or anyone else on the planet. Get over it. The statement that you made was just as ignorant as saying that gay males are gay because they can't get girls.

How on Earth are all asexuals depressed or insecure of themselves? My homosexual friend currently suffers from mild depression, does that make him asexual? No, he is still sexually attracted to males. I wouldn't deny the fact that there are some asexuals who are depressed or insecure, but most of us aren't. I identify as a biromantic asexual, and I was very offended by your comment. I have a secure job, a beautiful girlfriend who loves me for whom I am, and a generally fun-filled life. Did I mention that I get hit on by guys and girls pretty often? Why would I be "insecure" of having sex? I'm just not attracted to anyone sexually and that's not hurting you or anyone else on the planet. Get over it. The statement that you made was just as ignorant as saying that gay males are gay because they can't get girls.