I found that getting a job in China helped tremendously. I moved as far away from my ex as was humanly possibly without the help of NASA and devoted every minute of my life to surviving in a foreign country. It really put my life into perspective and I came back a new woman!

The "cutting off all contact" recommendation is hard to overstate. It's simple but extremely powerful advice, and too often blithely dismissed by those who think they're just above that or mature enough to not have to do it. That's nonsense. In almost every case, it should be done. Unless you were dating more casually to begin with and your heart truly was not in it, you stay away. And not letting yourself drunk dial/txt is huge too.

I usually delete his number so that the drunk dial/txt thing doesn't happen. It's way too easy when it's in your phone! Every day gets a little easier. The first day you feel like the world is about to end. The second day you're sad. The third day you're surprised to find that you haven't thought about him for the past few hours....and so on.

Yes! I spent 6 months during the divorce and six months following in counseling figuring out what inside me needed to change to not repeat the same mistakes. Time heals nothing. Active thinking and working it out heals all.

To answer the question more fully, aside from the counseling, I celebrated being able to choose to do whatever and be wherever I wanted all the time. Not taking someone else into consideration for the first time in 11 years was freeing...fun. I bought a GPS and just went haphazzardly through Massachusetts looking for good yard sales. I went to movies and restaurants alone and enjoyed ordering what I wanted to eat and watch all the people, enjoy the service, and ambiance by myself. No worries about if the person I was with was comforatble. Basically, staying single long enough to experience life by myself to the fullest was the key to my getting over the divorce and moving forward in peace and LIFE.

[Quote]I usually delete his number so that the drunk dial/txt thing doesn't happen. It's way too easy when it's in your phone! Every day gets a little easier. The first day you feel like the world is about to end. The second day you're sad. The third day you're surprised to find that you haven't thought about him for the past few hours....and so on.[/Quote]

Yes, I found this, too. I thought I'd never spend a whole hour for the rest of my life not focused on the divorce. But, you are right. I started to notice when I didn't think about it the whole day. Then, when I didn't think about it for a whole hour...etc. Now, I'm four months from my wedding to the REAL man of my dreams!!!!!!

Live, Love, Learn and embrace the new challenges ahead while becoming a better person overall.

After my first heartbreak, I nearly fell apart, but at the same time I had a change to evaluate myself as a partner and I can do to make myself a more desireable partner. I realized that people have the power to change and while it is a challenge to incorporate change in thinking, it is a worthwhile endeavor. I practiced behavioral changes while dating over several years and only dated guys I wasn't head-over-heals for (which was easy since I was heartbroken). Eventually, the rewards of empowerment and fulfillment were enough to bring about a better me for someone.

Finding a new love took time, but once I did I was able to finally move on and the pain in my heart finally faded. My next relationship culminated into marriage. It's been 27 years since I met him and we are better now than back then. One of the things I had learned from my past relationship was that I needed to have many other interests in my life so that my happiness didn't rely on my being with my mate. And no, marriage hasn't been all fun & games, but I think my first heartbreak help bring about positive changes that helped my marriage survive some tough times.

Heartbreak is painful and getting over it takes a lot of time. The feeling of hopelessness and the sense having little value are the first obstacles. So, anything you can do to improve yourself like exercising or finding a new hobby will help to begin the healing process. Also, sympathetic friends and family are a Godsend. Don't be so anxious to 'replace' what you had your lost love - you will only find yourself comparing and longing for your EX. Getting over it takes time and a gradual re-invention, retooling of yourself is great medicine.

What you have to say to yourself is "She didn't deserve me anyway" and then you have to try to find someone that is not like her at all. If this one proves to be better by treating you well and being all that the other one wasn't then you have won. No matter what she did to you, she can't do it anymore.

Twenty years later, a loving wife, 2 children, a house and a career and I am still saying this.

Yup. And it's not just that it adds a slightly better taste (to be honest you almost can't taste the tequila in a margarita), since there is no added sugar that you find in the cheaper brands, you don't get hangover. An important consideration if you're hurting so badlly that you need a couple of extra doses.

[Quote]The "cutting off all contact" recommendation is hard to overstate. It's simple but extremely powerful advice, and too often blithely dismissed by those who think they're just above that or mature enough to not have to do it. That's nonsense. In almost every case, it should be done. Unless you were dating more casually to begin with and your heart truly was not in it, you stay away. And not letting yourself drunk dial/txt is huge too.

[/Quote]

If only that were an available option for those of us who went through a breakup involving kids. Believe me, I wish I could just move away and start over fresh somewhere else sometimes, but I would never abandon my child like that. Once you have kids it changes everything. You can't remove that unwanted person from your life, because you have a shared responsibility that's more important than anything in your personal life.

I got counseling to learn what destructive patterns I had in myself that I never wanted to repeat. So many people get out of a bad relationship only to repeat it with the "same person" of a different name. I learned, and it was a good albeit painful process.

Less etheral was my purchase of a GPS. I would just get in the car and drive knowing I could never be lost. Yard saling randomly all over the place, always keeping track of how far I was from home was so much fun. I felt so FREE!