musings of a counselor

Interview Series: Part 1

Over the next several weeks I will share a series of interview questions I was asked regarding relationships for a relationship blog. I have spread them out so it’s not a lot of information all at once and you can absorb one before moving on to the next. They are also short enough so you can still read in those brief moments you have waiting in line at the bank, for a train, or waiting on that chronically late friend at Starbucks. I’ll go ahead and give you the first one so you have an idea what you’re waiting for 🙂

A common complaint that we hear from our women subscribers is “where are all the good men?” Some of them seem frustrated, lost, confused and have even lost hope that they can find a decent man to share their life with. While part of this could be attributed to past relationship disappointments and hurts, some attribute their lack of success with their own feeling of self-worth and physical appearance. Even when they find a man that they are attracted to and they really like, the lack of self belief along with their inner skeptic tends to drive the man away from them. How can women overcome this negative mindset and lack of belief that they would ever be able to find a decent man for themselves? What are some things that they can do to improve their self worth so that they truly believe that they deserve a quality man rather than feeling unworthy when they happen to meet one?

We deserve the best and should not have to settle, but unfortunately we believe the lies we see all around us. Everyday we are inundated with images of thin, tan, perfectly toned hotties and we believe we are supposed to somehow look like her. It is everywhere and we can’t get away from it. So what happens, we see these images enough and we start to think that is what everyone looks like. Then we start to look at our own selves and notice that we aren’t as young, pretty, rich, skinny, and our hair isn’t as shiny. We are falling in the trap. We see more, we fall farther. It’s a cycle and the only way out of the trap is to change our pattern of thinking and our ideas of who culture tells us we are.

Stop looking at others and turn your eyes on yourself. You have a lot to offer but until you believe you are worth it and change your outlook you won’t believe you are good enough and neither will the kind of man you want to attract. What are you good at? What do you enjoying doing? What are your values? What do you like about yourself? Know who you are and what you want because if you don’t then it doesn’t allow you to set the bar for the kind of man you want to meet.

If many of the women we see in media everyday had true self worth, they wouldn’t be all over the media. What we see everyday dictates what the norm is. We let culture tell us what it means to be beautiful. The problem is, is limits the idea of beautiful to a thin and narrow road. Celebrate what makes you who you are. Just like we all have different taste in men, men have different taste in women. Find your worth not in what society tells us to but in what makes you feel alive. Our true self worth comes from our identity. Once we can find our identity that allows us to know who we are, increase our self worth, boost confidence, and give us a reality check that we are worth it.

Women are constantly falling into a trap because we don’t believe in who we are and that we are good enough for a great man. When the truth is we are absolutely good enough for a man, especially a well deserving one.