Thursday, November 17, 2016

World Settles on New Currency

The United Nations Task Force on Trade and Development (UNTFTD) cites the current system of numerous and diverse currencies as a major contributor to current financial crises and worldwide economic downturn. After briefly considering unifying global currency with the USD, the proposal was quashed.

"In uncertain times like these, especially now that Trump is President-elect of the United States and financial markets are volatile, choosing the USD as the new universal currency seemed risky. Even though it's been the world reserve currency for years." Dieter Hoffman, Chairman of the UNTFTD, explained. He went on to say, " The fact that most of the world hates the US also made converting to USD an unpopular choice." While the Euro, yen and even the Canadian dollar were considered, they were all rejected in favor of the popular option; social media likes.

"It just makes sense. Social media likes have always been a reflection of power and influence on the population. Which in turn translated to money. This is just the next logical step." Herman Bellevue, professor of economics at Trump University explained. "Obviously, there will be a lot of wealthy cam girls on Instagram. But, we expect that to Instatrickle down to redistribute income to the less photogenic."

Millennials had a huge influence on the decision, starting a petition for the Financification of Social Media on Snapchat, which quickly spread to YouTube and then Instagram. They capitalized on their fluency in technology and pushed for a cashless financial system that would be more efficient, eco-friendly and wouldn't require them to do any complex mathematical conversions or log off social media and go outside. Which is an especially timely concern if Trump revokes support of the Paris Climate Agreement, increasing pollution and thus, pollution related medical issues and health care costs.

"Of course math is still necessary", Gayle Tzitis a high school math teacher from Wisconsin championed the new currency. "But these are easier computations. Young people understand that 1 Instagram like is worth 100 Facebook likes depending on whether they accept their volatile Aunt Beverly's friend request. They also know that they'll need to store up a minimum of five million YouTube or Twitter likes for retirement because social security will be extinct by the time they need it."

Having a financial system based on social media likes is accessible by most and almost equitable. Certainly, countries with the most wealth, like Qatar, for instance, are likely to stay that way. While countries like Liberia will remain largely impoverished. And North Korea, where social media is banned, will remain cut off from the rest of the world. All of which help maintain financial stability worldwide by preserving the existing inequitable conditions. Making social media likes and the status quo the new gold standard.

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About me

I'm Marie, author of the book, Rock the Kasbah: A Memoir of Misadventure. Not to be confused with the movie or Zooey Deschanel. I'm a forty-something writer, dancer, world traveler, wife and mother of four who moved back to Colorado from living abroad in Morocco a few years ago. Oh and did I mention I have some serious social anxiety? And that I screw things up a lot? Like a whole lot.