Author Archive: darthhagus

When you’ve lived in Hollywood long enough, you’re bound to see celebrities. And if you go out a lot, You’ll also most likely have a celebrity story. Well, here’s mine. I had just gotten back from a vacation in Mexico and decided to go out clubbin in Beverly Hills (not the best idea). As the night went on and the drinks started flowing, I started to feel a rumble in my stomach. Having literally gotten off the plane to change and go straight to the club, I hadn’t taken a shit since I was on foreign soil and Montezuma still had some revenge he needed to take out on me from the partying and the food from my time on his home turf.

I think we can all agree that taking a shit in a club is never a good idea. Bathrooms in clubs are made for drunk pissing and recreational drug use, not crapping, especially when the country of Mexico is involved. So, I headed into the bathroom and it was worse than I had hoped. It was small, crowded and when I finally got into the stall, not only was the toilet covered in piss and toilet paper, the door wouldn’t lock. There was no way this was happening here. I immediately start looking for other options where this sacred crap was going to take place. The club was connect to the Beverly Hills Hilton so I decided to take this into the hotel lobby.

So, here I am, literally shuffling my feet along with my butt cheeks firmly clinched together and I spot a bathroom. Out of the corner of my eye, I see another man also doing the poo shuffle towards the bathroom and it quickly became a race to see who could get there first. I soon realized I was going to lose the race because I was literally waddling like a duck. The man beats me to the door and I’m thinking to myself, I hope this place has two stalls or an extra sink. Lucky for me, the man decides to hold the door open and let me in first, the only problem was, this wasn’t any ordinary man, it was none other than Pierce Brosnan, aka James Mothafuckin Bond. As we file into the bathroom, we noticed there was only one stall and being the classy gentleman that he is, he looks at me and politely says, “After you, kid”. As nice as he was, I knew I couldn’t demolish the bathroom before James Bond, so I said to him “No no, after you Pierce”. As I stood waiting for him to do the duty, it appeared that maybe Pierce had just gotten back from Mexico as well. It sounded like they were shooting a James Bond pic with the explosions he was letting off. I held my ground and my nose till he came out where we were about to have our unavoidable awkward encounter. The thing is though, awkward isn’t in Pierce Brosnan’s vocabulary. He’s cooler than the other side of the pillow and just as good looking as you’d think he’d be. Pierce walks out of the stall and looks at me with a smirk on his face, gives me a wink and says, “you’re up next, good sir.” And like that, he was gone.