Monday, July 30, 2012

Report Orel

The ESPN announcers played the role of Boston media tonight. You'd think the Red Sox were a Little League team who won a contest and were made to play the 1927 Yankees. It was as if the Red Sox had never won a game before and the Yanks had never lost. Every positive thing for the Red Sox was treated with extreme surprise. Despite having more World Series championships than the Yanks in the last 12 years and having won a game where we lost a lead in the 8th inning the day before, ESPN acted like the Red Sox had no chance in the same situation. Even when we were winning early, it was "Kuroda shouldn't have given up any runs" and "Doubront is lucky he's found his stuff at the right times." But then when the Yanks hit a home run to the short porch followed by a nubber single and a Jeter tilt-the-machine hit in the 7th, nobody said "this inning should've been a 1-2-3, instead there's a run in, two on, and no outs."

But the worst came shortly after that. Orel Hershiser is such a complete turd. After Miller came in and ended that 7th-inning threat by getting Granderson and Teixeira with the go-ahead runs on base, he got the first two outs of the 8th before giving up a double and being pulled for Aceves for a 4-out save. There was a shot of Miller laughing in the dugout. Hershiser was not amused. AFTER Aceves gave up the tying run, he went off on the Red Sox' lack of chemistry and urgency. "I hope it was a really funny story," he said facetiously, "but it just didn't look like good chemistry." (Ironic when someone sees a group of people laughing together and sees it as bad chemistry, eh?) He then surmised that Aceves giving up the tying hit to the next batter was a product of said bad chemistry. Then: "They don't...It doesn't feel like a team that..." Other announcer buts in: "Urgency." Orel: "Yeahhh."

Well now I was pissed. And of course the first thing I thought of was the Jeterian Double Standard. I said--on the Joy of Sox thread, you can look it up--"Please now show a shot of Jeter laughing in the dugout and then tell us how he totally gets it and keeps the dugout loose. Please."

Well, guess what? In the top of the ninth, game still tied, with the Yanks having put the potential winning run on first, Jeter has a slightly tough time on a pop-up that he ends up catching, and we see...THIS!

Where's the chemistry?! Where's the urgency?! Come on, Orel, here's your chance! Time to tell us how the Yanks had "relaxed" and were "cuttin' up" like you just said about the Red Sox! Right? Dead silence. Hey, it's just our god who created us in His image loving the game oh so much. That's a ballplayer. That's what you wanna show your kids, and say, Kids, if you ever want to suck a man's penis, go for the one attached to that man right there. Whatever he does is right, no matter what.

Too bad we didn't win it right after that, but man was I glad for so many reasons when we finally won that game in the 10th. [Update: Miller responds to Orel's criticism!]

Bonus "giving Jeter Orel" from earlier: Did you see the play where god went to his left to dive for a liner, and it hit the heel of his glove, costing him a potential double play, and then he couldn't pick it up in time to even get the out at first? According to Hershiser, it was "a tough enough play without the runner being in his way." Yeah, yeah.

Just a terrible job by ESPN, constantly doing the patented Boston Media "if the Red Sox lose this game" thing, in a game in which we never trailed. And I hope Eckersley feels like an ass right about now after his "you don't wanna get swept by the Yankees" remark--we won 2 of 3! How can a professional mention the possibility of a team getting a swept before a series starts? You look like a damn stooge when that team goes and wins the series.

All that shitty shit aside, I'm super-psyched we just beat the Yanks 2 of 3 on the road--the same "ghosts" who were apparently rooting against the Yankees in 2004 came over and helped us out again this weekend! Yay, fake things! (Yes, ESPN actually brought that up tonight. So many people just need to be put down. Clear the dinosaurs out. "The Yankees had great players 100 years ago and so since the team plays in the same building, those guys, though dead, hang around in the air, invisible, and put fright into the opposing teams, except when they forget to. And then when the building is torn down, it doesn't matter because magic makes the Yankees win because we say so." Go fucking get a different job and leave the sane people alone. They even did an extended intro about "mystique" before the game tonight. Pssst..."it's not because of the short porch," they say. Thanks! That makes so much fucking sense. That totally means something. The fake stuff exists, but not because of a fence that was built three years ago. Oh, WELL I GUESS I WAS MISTAKEN! I was sure it was the fence. That made the Yankees be fucking mystical and win all the time except when they don't. Who the fuck can watch this and dare to say that somehow the Red Sox and Yankees "are the same." Fuck the fucking Internet. And another thing. How can these fucking assholes everywhere keep saying the rivalry doesn't have any feeling any more? Every damn time we play each other? Am I crazy? Do you not have a completely different feeling when we play the Yankees? Do you not want to punch these pieces of shit in their fucking faces? Are you not begging somebody to drill Teixeira in the back and Cano in the smirky grill every single time they're up? I guarantee you if we were playing Kansas City tonight I never once would have imagined punching any of the nameless Royals in the face. Not once. Of course the best thing would be to come all the way back and win this division. Or at least watch the Yanks burn in the post-season. They hit a lot of home runs and people seem to think that's all that matters. But in the playoffs when you're facing the best pitchers and you have nobody on base in front of your home runs because you're not actually a good hitting lineup, it'll be a different story. But eff that, let's get Papi back, get our ace pitchers back on track and keep rolling. We're home vs. Detroit Monday night. Oh wait, I'm still in parentheses! Here: )

The worst part of the "chemistry" thing is how the fake-fan radio callers will jump right on that and talk about how Miller (and the whole team) "doesn't get it"--because that's what the man on TV said! Beckett was ejected--they'll call that selfish. Being happy: bad. Being mad: bad. Being Jeter: good. Even to these so-called Red Sox fans. Fortunately I'm back to boycotting Boston sports radio entirely since my anti-media weekend, so I won't have to hear it. But Monday's topic will either be "Celtics! Patriots! Anything but Red Sox!" OR "sure they won a few games but they're selfish, they don't get it, they hate the fans, they're Hitlers, they're unlikeable, and they're Hitlers again."

Can't believe I left Swisher out of the "guys who need to be drilled" group. But for him it's more of a big slap he needs. It's like, "come on Swisher, just be yourself." "Like this?" "No, that's being a douche. Be yourSELF." What a phony crap-launcher.

The weirdest thing is that the broadcast crew loved Beckett being ejected - sign of fire in his belly, maybe he'll use it and go on a run. What the heck? He just got thrown out of a game he wasn't even in - it's a sign of being a dumbass - it doesn't give him magic pitching powers.

I think Hershiser was practically wetting himself at the idea that Padilla would face Teixeira at the end as well. And they practically gave up on Aceves when he had two strikes on Ibanez.

Jere, I know it's really tough listening to guys like Hershiser, Buck, McCarver (especially), and whomever else. They're so full of brown stuff and they suffer from Yankees Disease. On the bright side, I read your frustration-fuelled rants about them on a Monday morning and I'm howling with laughter. So... sorry for your irritation, but thanks for a great laugh.

And the Jeter-shot-by-a-marshmallow bit in the previous post? Gold. "Let me tell you about the time I almost died," hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Amen, Jere. Your excellent post is Reason Number One why I don't watch Red Sox-New York games on national TV any more. Can't stand the BS and idiots still talking about media-created "curses." I'd rather follow the games on my iPhone.

The asshattery exhibited by Hershiser last night isn't exclusive to Red Sox/Yankee games. These so-called analysts from ESPN or FOX go into these games with a preconceived set of storylines and assumptions, and they ignore WHAT IS HAPPENING ON THE FIELD RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM because they're too lazy to go off script.

Even without that stuff--I understand they're 10 ahead of us and that we need wins badly, but you really would think by watching last night (and Saturday on Fox) that we were just some minor league team that literally did not have the ability to beat the other team. It's one thing for fans or Boston media to act like something bad will happen around every corner no matter what, but for the supposedly neutral network to do it makes no sense.

You should have heard the announcer (don't know what the play-by-play guy's name is) say:

"Top 7 in the Bronx, still...2-0 Red Sox" with the emphasis on "Red Sox" as if to say "can you even fathom such a thing?"

The announcers were sure to point out the horrible ERA the Red Sox bullpen has against the Yankees this season, again without pointing out that with a small sample size that one terrible outing will skew things for the rest of the year. It's not like the Yanks have owned them over and over all season.