Archives for April 2015

A day will come when you will realize that certain individuals are not who they used to be, and that people you had once considered to be best friends are now, at best, complete strangers,

There may not have been a major falling out or a pivotal movement when the friendship just changed, but it simply just stopped existing.

You may be asking yourself if the failed friendship is your fault or maybe you question that some of their actions actually led to the dissolution of the once blossoming friendship. The sad reality is both of these reasons tend to not be the reason behind the failed friendship.

There are different ways to come to terms with the reality that people who felt like you once knew so well just aren’t who they used to be and that the friendship is indeed dead.

They’re not meeting you half-way. Don’t spend all of your energy trying to make things work when they clearly aren’t making the friendship a priority.

You’re lives are polar opposite. This could be due partially because of motherhood, a move, school and/or jobs.

Accept that some people were meant to be in your life only for a brief moment and not forever.

There will be lessons learned from a failed friendship. It’s up to us to realize that the lessons are more valuable than the friendship

Understand that they may not be who they used to be, but neither are you. That’s ok, but it may mean that the friendship has run its course because you don’t have much in common anymore.

Every time you did hang out, it was to catch up. This was repeated and nothing new and exciting would happen because the past would be reminisced upon and we’d catch up on the present.

You find out that you’re not friends anymore via social media instead of a phone call or face to face meeting. This is both shallow and immature. Be respectful because that friend has earned the right for an explanation.

You only converse through text messages and social media. With no face-to-face interaction, the friendship is sure to fail because it has become superficial.

They’re selfish. They only think about themselves and don’t try to compromise to make the friendship work.

You’ve grown closer with other people and you don’t seem to miss their friendship.

They drain you. Instead of being energized after spending time together, you feel emotionally and psychologically drained.

They’re unsupportive. They don’t support you during some of your biggest life events. In the past they may have been on the sidelines cheering for you, but now you don’t even receive a text message showing their support.

They’re just not there for you. In the past they were literally a phone call away and would be there for you when you needed them. Now you’re nothing but an inconvenience and burden.

Your interests and values are completely different. There is no common ground for a simple conversation. They may have done some unethical things that you’d rather not associate yourself with because it goes against what you believe in.

They have zero ambition. They’re ok with working a part-time job or they’re ok with being miserable at their job and rather than better themselves and their situation, they chose to bitch about it and still expect change to occur.

You’re only their friend, when it’s convenient for them. Don’t be a convenient friend. It’s embarrassing to be that person, and you deserve so much better.

Once you realize that the friendship is over, I think you’ll be surprised of the sense of relief you will experience. After months or years of trying to make the friendship work, you are now free of that burdensome and pointless venture. Embrace the friends who make you a priority because they are you forever friends.

They say that all good things must come to an end and although I don’t entirely agree with that statement it may have been true a few years ago. When you’re a teenager and you meet who you think is “the one” they can do no harm. You hold them above everyone else and defend them against any wrong-doings. That’s what love does to a person. It makes you think crazy thoughts and do silly things all because you’re stuck on ‘love’. Now they say that 18 is too young to be in love, but I beg to differ. Love is unlike anything you will ever experience. It takes your breath away yet gives you life. It’s a feeling that is so hard to explain yet easy to feel. Love is so complicated yet we all have loved at some point in our lives whether we admit that to be true or not. The difference is knowing when love is here to stay or whether it’s here to go.

It’s hard to imagine if the love you’re experiencing will be present forever or whether it is something that is destined to become a memory years from now. It’s hard to imagine life without that person and the mere thought gives you chills, yet many of us won’t marry our first loves. We mustn’t hold this against the next love that crosses our path because they were put in our lives for a reason.

How does one know when it’s over? How does one really know that their relationship with their first love is over? Many times people find themselves questioning what had happened and why the relationship had failed. The relationship failed because there was someone better out there designed just for them..

I believe there is a point in the relationship where we begin to realize the relationship would not hold much of a future but we are in denial. Why are we in denial? Love. That sneaky little bastard has convinced us that the relationship will make it. In my personal experience, I knew my first love wouldn’t be my last love after two years of being together. We were great for the first two years. We had our occasional arguments but our relationship was overall great. Even though I had realized our relationship held no long term future, I still stayed in the relationship. Loves makes us do crazy things, remember? The man I first loved hadn’t known other women before me. Hasn’t gotten a kiss before me, and in today’s society with all the temptations the likelihood of him being curious outside our relationship was there. A family member of his actually brought that up to me one day. It was devastating to hear her say that to me, but deep down I knew she was right. From that day forward, I think I kind of prepared myself for the editable.

Now I’m not saying that first loves can’t end up together and live a long happy life, but what I’m saying is that’s not very common in today’s society. I just knew in my case, I wouldn’t have that same ending. Oddly enough I was okay with that.

I believe I realized that the relationship was truly over when I felt like we had simply become strangers. School and work kept us apart and headed towards different paths. We both changed for the other yet we weren’t truly happy with the new people we had become. We spent more time apart than we did together. It took us nearly 4 years to realize that our future together would not be existent.

Four years of your life with someone seems like forever but an entire lifetime together when you’re both not truly happy is the worst. My heart broke when we broke up even though I had prepared myself. I thought I wouldn’t move on. I couldn’t breath, I lost sleep over it and stopped eating but then one day it hit me. I knew that this was going to happen. I had to snap out of my fear of the unknown to embrace the future, because after all I had prepared for it. I had an understanding that we both deserved true happiness even if that meant we weren’t supposed to be together.

Shortly after our break-up, I realized that just because I didn’t end up with my first love didn’t mean I wouldn’t love another man. I have an insane amount of love for my husband today. In fact, he may not have been my first love but he is most certainly going to be my last.

I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. We learn from our first loves, our first relationships, and our first heartbreak. At the time we may not understand the lessons we are to endure from those situations, but as you get older you see what you were supposed to learn.

I learned to never lose sight of myself in order to make some else happy. I’m me, and if people won’t accept me for me, then they don’t earn the right to be in my life. I learned that in relationships it’s so very important to communicate. Communication is key to having a great relationship. I learned that jealously causes more problems than the thing that made you jealous in the first place. I learned that first loves are not necessarily you’re last love and that’s ok. I’m fortunate to have learned from my past relationship because it has molded and shaped my current relationship into something so powerful and strong.

It’s okay to realize when it’s over. It won’t be easy. I won’t sit here and try to tell you that it will be. Be brave. Be strong and courageous. Be patient in understanding that this is not God’s only plan for you. Everything truly does happen for a reason and if we’re patient to see what that is, we won’t be disappointed.

I started blogging a few years ago just for fun. I often wrote about things that I was interested in, and would blog when I had some spare time. Fast forward to today where blogging has become a third job for me (behind recruiting and running a photography business). Making time to blog is now more important than ever since my time is very limited because of my 13.5 month son. I still blog about things that interest me but now I blog about life experiences and lessons learned in life as well as the occasional personal posts on my family and home life. I have found that blogging is both rewarding and draining. How can it be both you ask? It’s rewarding to hear that I am helping people. My advice and lessons learned are positively affecting other people. It’s draining because it’s time consuming and requires me to dig into experiences and lessons I’d rather not divulge to other people or think about anymore. At the end of the day, it’s helping people that really makes it worth it. Those people are my motivation and why I make it a point each day to conduct research on my next blog post.

Here are 12 things I have learned since starting my blog:

1. Don’t worry what others think about your blog. Be brave, be fearless and write from the heart.

The best writers are those who write knowing others may criticize them yet do it anyways. I’m a writer, so I know that with that comes criticism, haters, those that judge me and my experiences and although this makes my job hard at times, it’s also my motivation. I learn from them all and improve each day.

2. Don’t hesitate to blog about controversial topics, just be prepared to defend your stance.

There will always be those people quick to jump down someones throat, but there will also be those who come to your defense and praise you for your bravery.

3. You have the ability to change people’s lives

From my experiences, it is my hope that I can positively influence or help someone else. I hope people can learn from my experiences, my mistakes, my triumphs and everything else I care to share with everyone.

4. Blogging is very time-consuming- it’s sort of like a part time job

I take time to write my blogs and think about what I want to write about for a few days before I actually post it. I do research and try to get my facts spot on before sharing my blog posts with my readers. It takes time and much energy to make an idea a reality in my blog.

5. Pictures are important

Include a picture whenever possible. Take the picture yourself if you can, and have fun with it. There are a ton of aps and software programs to really get your pictures to pop!

6. Earning money for your blog is not easy

Eventually I’d love to be a guest writer for Huffington Post or another credited publisher. If I make money along the way, that’d be great too. There is a lot of other bloggers out there so it takes months and years to really get recognized in the blogger world.

7. There is a lot of competition- learn from them

I don’t hate my competition because I learn from them. Those who have a successful blog are the ones I want to befriend and get to know their keys to success. Our stories may be different, but our motives may be the same.

8. Your blog is not unique, yet it is

Though there are a lot of bloggers out there that may write about similar things, I’ve learned that I cannot compare myself to them. We are all unique in our own way. We have different stories, different ways of relating and presenting to our readers.

9. Listen to your readers, if they have suggestions or ideas you should take it all in

I love when readers comment on my posts or make suggestions on how to improve. A true writer is able to handle criticism and will take what they hear to heart which in turn makes them a stronger writer.

10. Reach out to those who can hep publish your posts on popular websites- don’t be afraid to fail

If you have a dream of being a guest writer for a company such as Huffington Post or Elite Daily, then reach out to them. Don’t be afraid or failure or rejection. The most persistent you are, the more likely you will be to one day get in the door with the company you want.

11. Sometimes you will get writers block- don’t get discouraged when this happens

Writers block does exist. There will be days when I can write and write all day long, but then there will be other days when I just can’t get the job done. That’s normal. Most writers experience this from time to time, so don’t get discouraged.

12. Have fun

Have fun with it! Write about the things you’re passionate about and the things that mean the most to you.It’s so rewarding at the end of the day once your latest blog entry hits the blog.

In closing, I have learned a lot of things since I started blogging. The reality is that I will always be learning more and more each day about blogging because things are always evolving. It’s important to keep up with how things are changing in the blogging world so we don’t get left in the dark hole of the internet.

Are you constantly stressed at work? Do you feel as though you don’t fit in with the company culture or that your long-term goals aren’t aligned with what you’re doing currently? Do you feel like your voice for positive change is unheard by decision makers? If you answered yes to one or all of these questions, you might be ready to make a career change.

If you feel like your career and long-term goals do not align, necessary adjustments must be made sooner rather than later. Most people will realize that they’re unhappy in their current work situation, whereas others may not realize it until someone points it out. Those that realize it may do one of three things: 1) Try to improve their current situation, 2) Complain about it every day or 3) Remain in denial of how bad the situation really is and just “ride out the storm”.

There may be ways to improve your current situation and issues you are experiencing, but if you see multiple signs (like the ones listed below), then it’s very likely your time to make a career change.

You lack the Passion you once had

You feel as though things going on within the company go against your morals/beliefs

You’re miserable and you dread coming into work each morning

Your company is going backwards or regressing negatively

You dislike some of your co-workers and/or boss

You don’t fit in with the corporate culture and don’t believe in the company anymore

You’re consistently negative, stressed and/or unhappy while at work

You’re bringing home your work-related stress

You don’t feel motivated and your work performance is suffering because of it

Your work-life balance is non-existent

You’re bored and your skills, abilities and potential are untapped

Your job duties and responsibilities have increased, but ironically your pay has remained the same

Once you realize that it’s time for a career change, there are a few things you can learn from your current work situation when searching for your next career. Look for the following while seeking your next career:

Company culture

Compensation package

Work-life balance

Benefits

Company reputation

Making a career change can be really scary, but someone once said “Nothing is worth it if you’re not happy.” Life is too short to be in a career where you’re not happy. You may realize that you have so much more to offer the world or a company, and you may see that your true potential will remain untapped unless you make the necessary changes in your life.

When considering a career change, there are a few things you should remember. Determine if your current situation can change in a positive way first before leaving. You may love your job, but there may be things that are deterring you. Take time to analyze your current situation, and don’t jump ship unless you feel that there is nothing more to be done to improve the situation.

If you decide that it’s time to change careers, remember these things:

Give your current employer a proper notice

Don’t burn bridges-leave on good terms

Give constructive feedback during your exit review

Stay in touch

Don’t bad-mouth the company

Don’t be scared of doing what’s right for you. Go forth towards your dreams because you deserve to be happy whether it’s in your current situation or in another situation.

At some point in all of our lives we will all experience being too busy. We have a lot going on and you just cannot catch your breath. We are given deadlines, goals and due dates at our jobs. This is only followed by going from working employee to working mom. Sometime in between your work schedule, you need to take the kids to sporting events, school functions and doctors appointments. On top of playing mom, you also want to hit up the grocery store, get in a quick work-out as well as running other miscellaneous errands as well as doing housework. Where oh where do you find the time to get it all done?

We are quite literally being pulled in several different directions each and every day. It never truly gets easier, you just build a routine–rather what resembles a routine. When things go wrong and things don’t get done, the world is screaming for your attention, but the real problem is that you don’t have time to complete everything day in and day out.Some days all you want is to pee in peace, eat when your food is still warm, take a bath, relax and actually get some sleep without worrying about responsibilities and the things yet to get done for the day. Is that too much to ask? As adults, we are constantly neglecting our own needs.

Here are some small ways to take care of yourself when you haven’t got much time or energy.

Say ‘No’ unless it’s important to you. You do not need to say yes to every project and task presented to you. Say ‘no’ when you want too, and don’t feel guilty about your decision.

Ask others to lend a helping hand when you feel as though things won’t get done. Regardless of what you think, you cannot do everything. You just can’t, so don’t try to.

Get some sleep. Go to bed at a decent time and don’t feel the need to wake up early every day. Sleep in. *If you’re a parent, this is much easier said than done.Don’t be afraid to take a nap then!

Eat healthy. You will honestly feel better when you eat healthy. The more junk food you eat, the sicker you feel.

Hit up the gym or go for a long run/walk. Working out helps alleviate stress. Whether you squeeze in a workout at lunch or prefer to work-out before or after work, just make sure you get it done.

Make a “to-do” list each and every day. Making a “to-do” list helps keep your organized and on schedule. Utilize your email and phone calender as much as possible.

Don’t lose touch with your friends. Make time for them. Even if you can’t see your friends like you used too, it’s still important that you let them know you’re thinking about them. Maybe plan a girls/guys night once a month just to catch up.

Make time to relax. Put it on a schedule. Make sure you’re setting time aside every day to relax. Whether relaxation means reading a favorite book, taking a bath or going for a walk–make sure you treat yourself to it daily.

Spend your lunchtime doing something for yourself. You don’t always have to have a working lunch. Run an errand on your lunch break, run home and see your family, read a book or hit the gym. Either way, you’re given a lunch break for a reason. Use it to your advantage.

Keep a journal. Write down things that happen in your life. Write down the good, the bad and the ugly and reflect on it later.

Take a hot bubble bath including a glass of wine and a good book. Once the kids are in bed, it’s time for a nice hot bubble bath to wash the layers of responsibilities and the days events off your tired body.

Write down something that you are grateful for every day. Before you even start your day, write down ONE thing that you’re grateful for.

Slow down and breath. You don’t always have to be on the go. Slow down. Take things a little slower from time to time and catch your breath.

Laugh a lot. Laughter fixes nearly everything. Make sure you surround yourself with people who will make you laugh.

Keep a tidy office. Your day will go so much smoother if your office is organized and it doesn’t take you an hour to find something within the piles of paper on your desk.

Take “copious” notes (Thanks Mr. Hoff, H.S. Honors English Teacher) Take notes during every meeting, that way you don’t miss something important and it keeps you in the “know.”

Accept that a little clutter and messes exist from time to time. Your office and home will never be spotless. There will be clutter and messes, and it’s okay to accept that. If you have kids, you already know this to be true.

Learn your limits. Once you have pushed yourself to your breaking point, you then will learn and know your limits. Don’t continue to push yourself to the breaking point.

Take the entire weekends off. If at all possible, take the weekend off. Don’t bring work home with you. Spend the weekend with your family and friends. You put in enough work hours during the week.

Don’t hide your emotions. If you’re mad or upset, confide in your spouse or relative. Keeping your emotions inside can result in a break-down further down the road due to a build up of emotions.

Have a support group. Your support group could be family members or friends, your work or church family and/or your spouse. This can be a group you confide in and share with them your life.

Delegate and outsource tasks and projects. When you have too much on your plate, don’t be afraid to delegate tasks to others. More than likely there is someone near you that can help you get a task or project done equally if not better than you could have.

Get Outdoors. Enjoy the beauty of the outdoors. When it’s warm and the sun is out, hit up the beach. Being outdoors can greatly improve one’s mood.

It’s okay NOT to be productive 100% every day. As long as you’re getting the job down, don’t stress about being productive every second of every day. Make sure you mingle with your co-workers and get to know them. You don’t have to sit behind a desk and be a slave of the phone and computer.

Take vitamins. Because who wouldn’t take vitamins? They’re just plain down good for you!

Meditate in the morning or evening. Taking time to just think about the days events and really let everything sink in is important for being at peace before the day has started or after the day as ended.

Limit your media consumption every day. The media is so negative, and oftentimes the news only relays the negative things going on in the world. Put down the remote and pick up a book.

Reward yourself. Every once in a while it’s okay to reward yourself for something. You work so hard, so why shouldn’t you treat yourself to a new outfit or tool for the tool box?

Accept and love yourself for who you are daily. You are a beautiful person. Accept everything about yourself and love yourself unconditionally. You need to take care of yourself. Don’t forget how much you do for so many people. Doing something nice for yourself daily is rightfully earned.

We have all more than likely been guilty of staying in a relationship far much longer than we should have. It’s in our nature to see the good people and think that can people can change. I’m here to say that most people do not change. Call it stubbornness or what have you, but in my personal experience, people only change when THEY want to change, NOT when others want them to change. Being in a relationship when you are unhappy is not only unfair to you, but also your partner. You both deserve to be happy. If you’re happier apart, then so be it. Here are some signs to look for when determining if it’s time to break up.

You lose your identity. It’s easy to miss the independence you had before you were in a relationship. Most individuals may feel as though they don’t have their own friends anymore and that socializing as a couple is the new thing. Why lose your identify when your personality and independence attracted your spouse in the first place?

You fake orgasms just to get it over with. If you’re faking orgasms just to get it over with, get out now! Not only is that unfair to your spouse, but it’s unfair to you. Sex should be fun, not a burden.

You are genuinely unhappy. You dread seeing your partner and you can think of a million things you’d rather be doing then seeing them.

You’re only with them because it’s comfortable. You’re scared of change and the thought of starting over terrifies you. Trust me, I’ve been there. Being with someone for years only to have the relationship dissolve is scary. The future becomes unknown and you have to start over. I’m here to say that’s it’s ok. Starting over was the best decision I have ever made.

You question your existence. You often ask yourself “is this it? Is this what happy is? ” You may start to realize that you’re settling, and that you’re not who you want to be when you’re with that person. Get out before you lose yourself.

You often find yourself contemplating having an affair. You see an attractive person and you start to imagine what it would be like to be with them. You may start to fantasize about being with someone else other than your significant other. If you ever start having these thoughts, it’s imperative to end the relationship before someone gets hurt. Your significant other deserves that.

You’re constantly being interrogated on your daily routine. This is an indicator that your significant other may not trust you. They may have doubts regarding your relationship and they may start questioning your routine out of pure jealously or fear of you having an affair.

You are emotionally and physically abused. If your significant other is hurting you, you need to get out of the relationship immediately. There is no waiting and praying that they change. From personal experience, they will not change. You deserve more than to tolerate such treatment.

The people closest to you express concern. If several people express alarm about your relationship, it’s wise to at least take it seriously.

Your communication is strained and superficial. If you’re struggling to have a conversation with your significant other, it will not get better and your relationship is sure to suffer as a result.

You don’t feel 100% supported. If you begin to notice that you’re significant other shows little regard for your ambitions and constantly expresses a ‘me-first attitude’, you’re probably with someone who is more selfish than selfless.

You’re not attracted to them or love them anymore. If this is the case, then there is no reason to stick around. Don’t put yourself or them through the pain of trying to stick it out when it’s not based on attraction or love. This is painful for both involved.

Life is too short to be with someone who doesn’t make you happy. You deserve someone who takes your breath away for all of the right reasons. Don’t ever settle or think you don’t deserve the best. I’ve been down that road of settling and thinking I couldn’t do better. It took a long time to overcome this mind-set, but once you meet the one you’re supposed to be with, the long and painful journey was worth it.

Unfortunately, marriage in today’s society has lost its meaning. The United States leads the board with the highest divorce rates in the world with a 41%-50% of all marriages ending in divorce. I’m a product of a failed marriage. My parents divorced after 22 years of marriage to my complete surprise. I won’t divulge into the gory details of why their marriage ended, but what I will say is that the thought of marriage for me was hindered because of their failed marriage. I was in a long-term relationship for years that failed, so the thought of marriage was so far off my mind until I met Jones. He was different. He was older. He was put together. I was young and he was eight years older, but I was attracted to him in ways that I had never been attracted to anyone before. As I sit here and reminisce of nearly 4 years of marriage, I don’t regret getting married. In fact, marriage has opened my heart and mind to beautiful things that otherwise wouldn’t have been introduced into my life had I not gotten married. When Jones and I got engaged, there were several things that ran through my head. Promises that I wanted to make to him, to myself and to our marriage.

It’s in my opinion that the reason that so many marriages end is because people do not understand the level of commitment necessary to make a marriage work forever. I think that marriage is so romanticized and that so many people hurry to the altar because of the white gown, party and promise of love forever. People are getting married before they even get to know the individual they’re about to marry. We are doing each other a great injustice and setting our marriage up for failure before we have had the chance to make it work. Fortunately for me, I took my time to get to the altar. We were together 3 years before we got married and lived together after 6 months of seeing each other. We took the time to learn about each other, grow together and build upon our relationship.

Here are some promises I think are imperative to make to each other before you make those vows.

I promise to stick by through the good, the bad & the ugly. Period

This is where most marriages fail. These days people get married because things are good. They don’t factor in unknown life events and situations that may arise down the road. These can include moves, job loss, death of a loved one, financial problem, etc. When things get hard, a lot of people jump ship instead of staying and trying to make it work. It’s important to go into marriage realizing that there may be events that arise that we didn’t expect that may test a marriage.

I promise to never let you forget how much I love and care about you.

Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you can stop telling your spouse how much you love them and how much you care about them. Marriages will fail when someone feels obsolete and unloved. Don’t go a single day without saying “I love you” to your spouse. I say it every day and more importantly when I say goodbye to my spouse in person or on the phone. You never know when ones last day may be, so always let them know how much you love them for it could be the last thing you say to them. YES! I think about those things.

I promise to always make us a priority.

Life gets busy, and it’s so easy to get lost in the business of life. It’s important to make time for your spouse. Your relationship with your spouse should always be put first, and making time to spend some alone time each week is imperative for marital stability.

I promise to keep our relationship exciting.

Life can tend to become routine after a while. It’s work, home-life, gym (some days), family-life, bed and repeat day in and day out. Trying to mix things up from time to time will only do a marriage good. Get involved in activities to do with your spouse and your children to spice things up during the week and weekend. Keep it exciting by taking impromptu road trips and experiencing new things together. Create a bucket list for you and your spouse as well as for your entire family.

I promise that I’ll do my very best at being the best parent to our children.

No one is the perfect parent. We live and we learn from our mistakes as well as others, so we can only promise to do the best we can. Doing the best is all your spouse wants to hear.

I promise to accept you wholeheartedly for who you are.

Accept your spouse with their flaws and imperfections and never hold their downfalls against them.

I promise to not let myself go.

Just because you’re with your spouse, it doesn’t mean you can let yourselves go. Eat healthy and workout. The better health you’re in, the better sex life and attraction you will have with and for each other.

I promise to always fight for and defend our relationship.

There will always be outside forces threatening your marriage, and it’s important that no matter the forces, you stand with your spouse to protect what you have built together. Separate yourself from those forces.

I promise that I am in this until the end.

I didn’t get married with the hope that we’d be married forever. I got married knowing that we’d be married forever. When things get hard, we are going to sit down and work our shit out. Period.

I promise to never stop dating you.

Continue dating even when you’re married. I encourage everyone to have a date night once a week without kids to reconnect. Life gets busy, and you should always remember how it all started.

I promise to be patient in every circumstance.

You may not always agree with your spouse, but it’s important to be patient and understanding of the circumstances and situation. Take the time to hear your spouse’s side of the situation with open ears. Take the time to understand where your spouse is coming from, and I think you’ll be surprised to see how patient they become with you.

I promise to appreciate you and never take you for granted.

Never ever take your spouse for granted. They may cook for you, clean for you, buy you things, work a ton of hours to provide for you and you need to always remember to thank them. It goes both ways though so make sure you’re recognizing the things that your spouse is doing and thank them daily. It may seem like a small gesture, but trust me when I say that it means a lot to your spouse.

I promise to be honest with you and not keep things from you.

Confide in your spouse. Be honest with them always, even if there is a possibility of hurting them. Your spouse deserves your honesty and you should be open with them at all times.

I promise to remember the power of words and fragility of the human soul.

During arguments it’s easy to say some hurtful things, but keep in mind that some words are hard to forget. Watch what you say to your spouse when you’re upset. If you need to remove yourself from the situation for a few minutes to gather yourself, then do it. You won’t regret the decision to talk with your spouse once you have calmed down.

I promise to encourage and support you in all of your endeavors.

Promise to be your spouse’s biggest fan. Support them and encourage them in all that they do.

My son may only be 13 months old, but at the rate he is growing, he will be grown before I know what hit me. My hope for my son is that he never grows weary of being fearless and adventurous. I pray that he grows to have a spiritual connection with God, grows to be a great husband and father and never loses sight of what’s important in life. I wish is that he will travel the world and love with a passion that ignites a fury within him.

With all of that being said, here it goes….

You have my heart. I never thought that I could love anyone as much as your father, but as soon as I held you in my arms I knew that my life was forever changed. There were now two amazing men in my life, and the amount of love I have for the two of you is unwavering, powerful and so organic.

Stop pulling on your penis-it’s not going anywhere. You will learn that it’s not going anywhere the older you get, but as a reminder if you want to play with it, do it in private.

I will accept you no matter who you love. I promise to love you and support you in whoever you love. I will offer insight and opinions if I deem it necessary, but will only do so out of love for my son.

Don’t ever stop creating. Buy paper and paint. Color in a coloring book. Don’t be afraid to get a little dirty.

Don’t grow up too fast. These days parents encourage their children to perform better, compete harder, do more, be faster and be the best. Don’t grow up too quickly, as it takes time summoning you inner genius.

Get outside. Get Dirty. Explore. Instead of spending hours of time playing video or iPhone games, you should focus on spending as much time outside as possible. Build a tree fort, explore new areas and enjoy the beauty of what Mother Nature has to offer us.

Be accepting of others. Don’t ever judge someone before you have taken the time to get to know them. You never know what they’re going through.

Don’t let a set-back get you down or discourage you from being great. Life will throw curve-balls and don’t be afraid to take those head on. You are so much stronger than you think.

It’s ok to cry. Don’t let anyone try to tell you that crying is a sign of weakness.

Be proud of who you are. You are who you are because of the decisions you have made. You’re a beautiful person who is destined for greatness. The more you believe that, the more you will see great things happen to you. Remember: I will always be proud of you.

Respect women. Women don’t want to get receive pictures of you flexing or pictures of your penis. Send them flowers or sweet text messages. The more you respect women, the more they will respect you.

Always keep learning. Read a new book once a month. Don’t ever think that you have learned it all. There is always something new you could be learning.

Be a world traveler. I will encourage you to travel, but I will ask that you are a safe traveler. Take into consideration the events in every area that you wish to explore. This is only for your safety.

Find your passion. Do what makes you happy, and never settle for anything less than wonderful. Life is short, so live it like you have nothing to lose.

Be respectful of the Earth. We only have one Earth, so please be part of the solution, not the problem. If you see liter, pick it up. Recycle and reuse.

Be my little boy forever. I know that one day you are going to fall in love and possibly have a family of your own, but all I want to know is that I’m still important in your life. Don’t forget your mom (or dad).

Don’t be scared to take the road less traveled. Don’t be ordinary, be extraordinary! Don’t try to fit in. Be unique and don’t worry what others say about you.

No matter what happens in life, you can always come home. I’ll be there with open arms. I’m your mother, and I will always be there for you.

I have only been competitively running for a year, so I won’t sit here and act like I know everything there is to know about running, because I don’t. I do, however, have a ton of running friends who have filled my head with running knowledge. I ran 5ks here and there, but didn’t get serious about distance and time until a month after I had my son in April of 2014. As I train for my first half marathon, which is coming up on May 3rd, I’ve learned a lot about myself and running. Here are some tips I have learned through my training thus far in my 6 weeks of training.

1) Find a Plan: I did a lot of research and asked my running friends how to plan out a half marathon training schedule. I’m used to running 3-4 miles normally, but anything over that I was just not prepared for. I finally created a running schedule that would help me train in the 8 weeks leading up to the half marathon. For those who don’t run at all and are very new to running, there are several plans geared for you. One example is called ‘Couch to Half Marathon’ which recommends 14 weeks for training. I recommend finding a plan that allows you enough time to train comfortably.

Here is the link for 14 weeks:http://womensrunning.competitor.com/2013/09/training-tips/couch-to-half-marathon-training-plan_15065

Here is my training schedule which includes 1 day off and 2 days of croos-training.

2) Give yourself adequate time to Train: Don’t rush into your training. I suggest 8-10 weeks of training because I feel like anything less can result in injury. If you start running immediately aiming at higher mileage it can lead to injury and people tend to drop off from training because it’s too hard. Gradual is key. Start small and work your way up, but not too quickly. If you train too hard, you might learn to despise running instead of enjoying it.

3) Find the right shoes: This is important because finding the right shoe can help minimize injury and strain on your body. My recommendation would be to go to Gazelle’s, which is located in downtown Kalamazoo, and be fitted for shoes. They will actually watch you run and help determine the right shoe for your foot based on shape, functionality you’re looking for as well as ensuring the shoes will be comfortable on your feet. I’m obsessed with the Nike Frees that I have currently, but unfortunately they will need to be retired after my next race.

4) Find a Running Partner: When I first started training for the 1/2 marathon, I was training by myself. As my mileage went up, I decided to pair up with some friends (particularly Jen Davis & Christy Seitz) who have ran marathons and 1/2 marathons before. I did this because they have been great at motivating and pushing me to run faster and farther. They have also given me advice on how to improve. I joined a Facebook group called Sole2Soul, who hosts challenges of 50-100 Miles a month all for a purpose. This month we’re running for autism awareness. This is a great group to join each month because we are all motivating each other and running for great causes. We participate in events together, we have fun, and we run united to make positive changes. What’s not to LOVE about that? This is from their website: “Sole2Soul was founded on the premise of moving miles happily for a purpose. S2S is here to motivate you to stay healthy by moving miles for a charity each month and having fun on your journey! Meet new people, get support and most of all help a Soul with your Sole!”

Lesa Newby is the founder of Sole2Soul. Check out her website here: http://www.runs2s.com/.

I encourage you to get involved with this program!!

5) Pace yourself: Don’t get down on yourself if you’re longer runs are slower-that’s ok! If you overdo it and push yourself before you’re ready, you’re risking sustaining an injury. Keep in mind that when you’re actually racing, you tend to run faster because everyone around you is running. Every time I run a race, I always run faster. I used to be surprised but now I realize it’s the competitive nature in me that pushes me harder in races.

6) Allow recovery time: The higher the distances and quicker the times, the more your body will feel it.It’s important to allow your body to recover by taking a day off from time to time and taking ice baths if necessary. I’m not a fan of ice baths (because I hate the cold), but I’ve heard lying in a tub filled half way with cold water and then letting hot water pour down on you helps alleviate muscle cramps and pain. Allow your body to heal. Don’t overdo it.

7) Stay Hydrated: Some people don’t like to carry water bottles with them while they run, and that’s fine, but it’s important to stay hydrated especially during long runs. During races, there are usually water stations every few miles, so slowing down to grab a quick drink is important. It’s also very important to drink 6-8 eight oounce glasses of water a day! This is a daily struggle for me, because I don’t really like water. I must have flavoring in my water just to ensure that I’m drinking enough. I know, go ahead and judge me. 🙂

I plan on running with a water bottle something like this: http://www.amazon.com/Nike-Water-Bottle-Vapor-Crimson/dp/B00IG71J6S/ref=sr_1_21?s=sporting-goods&ie=UTF8&qid=1429036819&sr=1-21&keywords=hand+water+bottle+for+running

8) Change your Diet: It’s important to ensure that you are eating enough food. I’m burning on average 1,500-2,300 calories daily, so ensuring that I’m making up some of those calories in food is important to ensure I’m supplying my body with adequate vitamins and nutrition in order to maintain my health. I went through a time period in which I kept gaining weight even though I was burning all of these calories, and I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t losing weight. I figured out that because I wasn’t eating enough calories, my body was storing all of the food I was eating which was being completely counter productive. The healthier you eat, the stronger and leaner you will become, and I think you’ll be shocked how much better you feel before, during and after your runs.

9) Cross-Train: When you’re training for a long-distance run, make sure that you’re cross-training as well. Don’t run every single day. Add in weights and other light cardio workouts to mix things up. Building up other muscle groups can also help minimize the chances of sustaining an injury during a long run. Don’t think that you only have to run. You will wear yourself out if all you do is run. Mix it up!

10) Have Fun: Don’t forget to have fun. Since I started competitively running, I have made some great friends and some amazing memories. Participate in as many races and runs that you can. Get in on the fun ones like the Color Run or Mud Run. Don’t run just to run all of the time. Run to have fun!

Recently I read an article by relationship columnist Anthony D’Ambrosio titled “5 Reasons why Marriage Doesn’t Work”, and I felt compelled to respond. Not only was the article ridiculous but I hardly believe he is an expert on marriage. I thoroughly read through each “reason” on why marriage doesn’t work, and I’m here to tell you that each and every one of those reasons is nothing more than excuses. So, I’m Calling Bullshit!

My husband and I both come from broken marriages, and many of our grandparents also have gotten divorced. Here is the deal, just because our parents and grandparents got divorced, it sure as hell doesn’t say that we will. This columnist pretty much says that everyone should stay married, because his parents and grandparents did. He set himself for failure before he even got married because he just assumed that once he got married, he was going to be married forever. News flash, you still have to make a conscience effort to date your wife/husband. Just because you’re married, it doesn’t mean that everything has to change and that you don’t have to continually date your spouse. Sounds like this columnist failed to recognize this part. Now, I don’t know the exact reason why he is now divorced (I believe the article said he got married in 2012), nor will I speculate, but it’s apparent that he is quit salty about getting divorced. I’m here to tell you that Marriage DOES work.

The very first thing that struck me as arrogant is when he states that “marriages today just don’t work”. Says who?! Says you, the columnist who is divorced? Your opinion and personal experience hardly constitute the right to make such a bold statement. He goes on to say that things pretty much changed because of technology and lack of communication. Many of the reasons involve communication issues, which could have been resolved through sitting down and wait for it…talking..FACE to FACE!

I’m also not trying to say that I’m an expert in the field of marriage, but the experiences I have had through marriage and seeing those around me go through divorce gives me great insight on the topic. I’ve been married 4 years, together with my spouse 7 and we have a 13 month old son. We work opposite shifts and barely see each other. And guess what?! We’re still married and in love. In my honest opinion, it appears that that columnist was looking for excuses why his own marriage didn’t work and then generalized it towards society as a “norm”.

I will not go through each ‘reason’ why he says marriage doesn’t work:

Reason #1: Sex becomes almost non-existent

It sure does if you stop initiating it. Sex takes two people, so one cannot be the only one initiating it. Furthermore, sex frequency before marriage is a great indicator of how your sex life will be once you get married. If you’re not having frequent sex before marriage, what in the hell did you expect is going to happen after marriage? Sex does connect two people, but without both sides initiating and working together to make time for alone time, then yes..sex will become nonexistent. Don’t stop trying. Sure, kids can make things complicated to have alone time, but that’s just an excuse. Most adults have locks on their bedroom doors, so lock it. When the kids are in bed, get busy with the alone time. Plan a date night once a week. Send the kids to grandma and grandpas for a day during the weekend. Never stop trying to date your spouse. Sex will become non-existent once you stop trying. Something else that the columnist touches on is that there are pictures of half-naked people everywhere we look. True, but why would that affect your marriage? He basically says that one has to be perfect to be desirable. That’s total bullshit. It honestly sounds to be like another excuse as to why marriages don’t work. Not fact.

Reason #2: Finances Cripple Us

First and foremost, finances only cripple you if you allow it too. Once you get married, most people choose to combine their finances and thus their bills and debt. One thing I can suggest to anyone planning on getting married is to discuss what debt you’re bringing to the marriage whether it’s credit card debt or student loan debt. Being honest and forthright will better prepare you on how to handle and pay off the debt..as a team. Discussing debt and finances before marriage can help better prepare you for what to expect without surprises. The columnist says that this “strain causes separation between us. It’s halts us from being able to live life. We’re too busy paying bills to enjoy our youth. Forget going to dinner, you have to pay the mortgage. You’ll have to skip out on an anniversary gift this year because those student loans are due at the end of the month” (D’Ambrosio, The Ashbury Park (N.J. Press, 2015, April, 8). There are so many things I can throw at this statement that would shatter it. Planning is everything. Planning out a realistic budget every month can help prevent one from not being able to grab dinner and a movie or buy that anniversary gift. This statement pretty much screams: POOR PLANNING on his/their part. Again, discussing finances and debt before marriage can help better prepare for the future. Again, this is an excuse not a substantiated reason why marriage doesn’t work.

Reason #3: We’re more connected than ever before, but completely disconnected at the same time

One of the first things that stood out to me in this section was when he says “There is no physical connection attached to anything anymore”. All I have to say is, who is to blame for this? This is clearly our own fault if we resort to that way of “connecting” with our spouse. WE decide if we say “I love you” via text or in person. It’s a conscience effort to connect with your spouse. If you need new furniture, collaborate on it. Go to different furniture stores together. If a husband wants to give flowers to his wife, why not pick them up and drop them off. It’s much more meaningful and personal that way versus having some stranger come to your work to drop them off. The less technology you use to connect, the better. He mentions that we have “forgotten how to communicate in a marriage.” Not everyone has forgotten. Take the time to connect by spending time together. As previously mentioned, this is an excuse for marriage not working these days, not part of the reason marriage fails.

Reason #4: Our desire for a attention outweighs our desire to be Loved

This reason is a bit far-fetched. The columnist claims that one spouse (or possibly both) is more worried about what others think of them instead of their spouse. They may seek this attention by posting pictures on Instagram or Facebook where they are hoping to get one or two people to either comment or like the photo. He also goes on to say that spouses tend to compare themselves to other alike individuals and thus cannot be loved since they are preoccupied worrying about what others think about them. Come on. This is obviously an excuse because I see no truth in this. This may have come from personal experiences, but I would bet that most spouses want to get the attention from their spouse (rather than “followers” on social media platforms) so the only logical reason why they are ‘seeking attention’ is because their needs aren’t being met at home. This is a red flag to focus on your spouse because they are lacking something.

Reason #5: Social media just invited a few thousand of people into bed with you

The columnist has a point (to an extent) with this ‘reason’ because I do agree that everything is on the web including where we are and what we are doing. Most things are not sacred anymore, and I’m guilty of posting a status while on vacation. We all do it, but it’s all about moderation and timing. Know when to put the phone down. Your work schedule doesn’t need to be on Facebook. First, those who care about you will most likely know your work schedule and secondly this can be dangerous and can attract the wrong people. I would also agree that strangers, to an extent, know a lot about our lives because of social media BUT again it comes down to moderation and timing. Unplug as often as possible. When you do this, I think you will be surprised how much more time you have with your spouse.

In my unprofessional opinion, the reason this columnist wrote this article is because his marriage failed, and I believe he is a bit salty about it. He expressed how his grandparents and great grandparents and his parents were still married. He says that he is worried about the roadblocks that may get in the way of ones’ happy life with someone else, but I believe that our marriages fail because we forget to continue dating our spouse. There will always be outside sources that threaten our marriages but we should use those threats as motivation to push on. Marriage is sacred and life-changing, and it’s our responsibility to continually work at.

Marriage works. Marriage isn’t easy, and some days marriage can be hard but at the end of the day if you’re both trying to make it work..more times than not, it’ll work. Please don’t confuse my candor opinion of marriage and how it works as saying that every single marriage will last forever. I’m realistic. I know that there are going to be some marriages that just don’t last, and I’ve accepted that. It’s important for us all to understand that just because we know some people who are divorced or specifically those who come from divorced families, we shouldn’t assume ours will not work. It’ll work if you work on it and the relationship.

In closing, I hope this columnist finds peace and true love. I couldn’t imagine experiencing divorce from the one I loved. He is brave to speak of it and some of his ‘reasons’ I’m sure are based on lessons he learned from getting and being married through his divorce not extensive unbiased research.

SOURCE to Original Article:http://www.freep.com/story/life/advice/2015/04/07/marriage-doesnt-work/25405611/