Blog Brother Season 3 – Episode 3: Bean Bustin’

Goodness gracious, we’re still on Day 1? You’re telling me that the entirety of those first 2 episodes occurred on the same day? That’s insane. That’s a lot of action. “WHO WANTS TO SEE OUR HOH ROOM???” Oh goody, I sure missed this. So apparently there are 2 connected HoH rooms. That’s too bad, I was hoping Frankie and Caleb would have to sleep together. Meanwhile, Victoria is going on and on about how she’s a princess and deserves to be treated like a princess, so she’s going to shower like a princess because Frankie has a private HoH shower like a princess. Woof.

Nicole and Christine are complaining about how the rest of the girls in the house are “freaking tooth picks” while they’re just oddballs with big nerd glasses who shop at Wal-Mart and connect through things that aren’t make-up. Looks like they’re forming a little nerd club! Nicole’s searching for that one person she can trust and she thinks that person is Christine. Alliance? Alliance.

Frankie and Caleb are bonding up in the HoH room. In order to stay safe this week, they’ve decided to team up and they’ve decided they need some soldiers. Time for an ALL GUYS ALLIANCE!!!! What is this, alliance #6? It’s Frankie, Caleb, Devin, and Derrick. Except Derrick thinks the entire thing is dumb because it’s way too early for a real alliance. Thanks for being sensible Derrick. How many alliances can this house have? They’ve also invited Zach and Cody. It was less of an invite and more of a “Here’s what’s going on.” They’re also going to invite Hayden. Or maybe not. Poor Hayden and Donny. Caleb keeps running his mouth about how the girls in this house aren’t smart enough to pick up on a secret alliance and CBS edits in some footage of Brittany and Nicole talking about their nails to prove his point. “I always thought this grass was real.” “I know.” They’re calling it the frickin’ Bomb Squad. “Zach Attack” is apparently the “brains behind the operation”. I don’t like “Zach Attack”. How about… “THE DOUCHE!”? I think that the Bomb Squad is going to, pardon me, explode. I’m not the only one. Cody is nervous because he doesn’t know if he joined a Brigade or a Moving Company. Cody? Buddy? Iiiitttttt’sssssss a Moving Company.

Meanwhile, Jocasta’s only got room in her life for one alliance, and that’s with God. Sooooo good luck with that.

Speaking of alliances, what’s going on with the Double D’s? Apparently Devin has abandoned Donny. That’s… really disappointing. I thought Devin was better than that. I don’t see why you can’t have your alliance with Donny AND your stupid Bomb Squad. Everyone else does it. Frankie’s got Victoria. But no, Devin’s a one alliance kind of guy. Unless you count the two he made on the first day. Ugh. I really think he’s going to pay for this. I can only see one way that all of this nonsense ends, and that’s with Devin walking out the door. Oh my gosh, he’s faking tears over the possibility of being nominated and Donny’s trying to comfort him. Donny seems so genuine, and Dvein is the opposite. Man, Devin is going to be out in the first couple weeks. I’m calling it right now. He’s spread himself too thin, making too many promises to too many people, AND he’s a huge physical threat. That’s a shame. I wanted to like him. Goodbye Devin.

And The Nominee’s Are:

The first set of nominations are today. Caleb wants to nominate Brittany. Why? Because… I don’t know. Because. They’re not really putting any kind of consideration into who would win Battle of the Block, although I suppose if they nominate people with the reasoning of “You were out first in the HoH challenges” then they’re presumably weak players.

Caleb nominates:

Donny – First male that fell off in the first HoH competition.

Paola – First female that fell off in the first HoH competition.

Frankie nominates:

Victoria – First person who fell in the second HoH competition

Brittany – Second person who fell in the second HoH competition

Victoria is crying. So much for Pinky and the Vain! Devin’s pretending to be upset about Donny’s nomination. ASSHOLE. Man, I cannot stand Pow Pow. She’s talking to Donny about how they’ve got to bring it in the next competition. She tells him he’s kind of like a father figure. He’s… not that old though. Isn’t he 33? I guess he’s old enough to be a dad. But not Paola’s dad. Paola’s dad should be ashamed. Caleb’s in the kitchen crying because… apparently he’s actually upset? Weird. For some reason I just assumed that Caleb was an ass like most big guys in the Big Brother house. Meanwhile, Frankie’s trying to do major damage control with Victoria. He’s telling her it’s Caleb’s fault because Caleb took the nominees that Frankie wanted to put up… Uh, Frankie? There were still 11 other choices. Thankfully, Victoria’s not buying it.

Oh no. Devin has decided to bring Christine and Amber into the Bomb Squad. Without consulting anyone else. Oh. No. Devin. Buddy. WHAT? You’re so screwed! You are playing the worst game EVER! I told you that Devin would be gone in the first couple weeks. I’m changing that. He’s done this week or the next. Like… This is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever seen happen on Big Brother. The Bomb Squad is over before it even began. Amber and Christine are NOT to be trusted. No way are they loyal. No way do they keep this to themselves. Nobody in the Bomb Squad is going to trust Devin now, and their secret is out as soon as one of the girls tells someone else. Yup. The Bomb Squad is not pleased about this. Not one bit. And it gets worse.

Donny’s stretching with the girls and he tells them that he feels like he’s going to bust a bean. Yup. He wants to toot. Hey, what do you call a woman who only has sex for spaghetti? A PASTA-TUTE! A pasta-tute. Hearing these jokes, everyone assumes that Donny must be a professional comedian. Devin walks in, sees everyone laughing at Donny, and draws the inevitable conclusion – Donny must go. Wait, what? Yeah, Devin is worried that Donny is too popular, winning people over with his humor. He takes this information to the Bomb Squad and insists that they need to eliminate Donny. Devin. Buddy. It’s… it’s WEEK ONE! What are you DOING?! You’re playing an end game right now. This is insane. My goodness. He’s done. He’s gone.

Battle of the Block Competition: “The Pouring Twenties”

So, this one’s a little complicated to explain. I don’t know why I bother explaining it at all, because why would you read a Big Brother blog if you didn’t watch the show? But I digress. The place is all decked out like The Great Gatsby. There are 4 swings hanging from the roof. Each swing is across from another. Next to 1 set of swings are “champagne” fountains. Next to the opposing set at “champagne” flutes. The houseguest nearest the fountain swings and fills their cup up with “champagne”. Both houseguests swing towards one another and attempt to transfer the liquid from one houseguests cup to the other. The second houseguest then attempts to swing back and deposit the liquid in their flute. Whichever team deposits enough liquid to make the “berries” in their flute overflow wins the competition.

As Donny says, “there’s something very fun about swinging”, but Pow Pow does not agree. She is having the WORST time with this challenge. Apparently she’s just never been on a swing before. It’s hilarious. I’ve never seen anyone so incapable of swinging. She can’t even stay seated on the thing. Meanwhile, Brittany and Victoria are off to a great start. They’re really in sync and absolutely dominating. Pow Pow begins to figure things out, however, and she and Donny begin to catch up. Too little too late, however. Brittany and Victoria handily defeat Donny and Pow Pow, despite their last minute surge. Frankie takes a dive into the pool. He’s been dethroned. Caleb is now the sole HoH and Frankie is fair game for back-dooring. But he’s safe. Because they’ll try to backdoor Devin. Just watch.

– – –

Well, that’s it. Can we just take a second to summarize all of the stupid alliances that have occurred so far?

The Crazy Eights – This was the original alliance between Amber, Joey, Cody, Donny, Devin, Nicole, Paola, and Frankie. It has never been mentioned since.

The Double D’s – This was the alliance formed between Devin and Donny shortly after the formation of the Crazy Eight’s. It is now dead, since Devin has moved on to another alliance without telling Donny.

El Quatro – This was the all woman alliance formed by the first 4 women in the house: Amber, Joey, Nicole, and Paola. It has not been mentioned since.

Pinky and the Vain – This is the alliance that I made up between Frankie and Victoria which – you guessed it – is no longer in play, since Victoria doesn’t trust Frankie as far as she can throw him (princesses can’t throw very far).

The Bomb Squad – This is the formerly all male alliance made up of Frankie, Caleb, Devin, Cody, Zach, and Derrick. This alliance was over the second Devin told Amber and Christine about it and invited them to join. No way do Amber and Christine are loyal to the Squad and no way do they keep this information to themselves.

The Bifocals – This is what I’m opting to call the alliance between Nicole and Christine until they come up with something better. This may be the only real alliance still active in the house, although maybe it’s just a friendship? Who knows.