Just after Robin Thicke was caught with his hand all over the proverbial cookie jar, Robin and his wife Paula Patton did a loved-up joint-interview together. To be fair, the interview was probably done months before Robin got caught publicly groping some club girl (who sold her story to the tabloids). I judged Robin and Paula’s marriage, and a lot of you yelled at me about it, saying it was their business and whatever makes them happy, etc. Which… yeah, you’re right to a certain extent. If they want an open marriage, fine. That’s their business. It becomes my business when Robin’s side-pieces sell their stories to the tabloids. And it becomes my business when Paula and Robin are trying to do some kind of damage-control PR to help their images by talking up their marriage too. With that in mind, here are some excerpts from Thicke’s latest interview:

Even the lines in Robin Thicke’s marriage are blurred. The singer calls his union to wife Paula Patton “the greatest love of the century, and the most functional, dysfunctional marriage in Hollywood,” in a new interview with Star.

“I knew she was special the night I met her,” said the R&B singer, whose father is Growing Pains star Alan Thicke. “I was only 14, but she was already the most special girl. As a relationship progresses, you fall in love again in so many deeper ways,” said Robin, who appeared alongside his stunning model wife in the video for his 2006 hit, Lost Without U. “You realize that you need each other and you can’t live without each other.”

Thicke took it in stride when asked about the photo in which he was goosing a fan following a MTV VMAs bash last month.

“My only comment about the so-called scandalous photo would be that my wife and I are perfectly in love and very happily married. So, no complaints there.”

Asked how he and his wife would explain, to their 3-year-old son Julian, his more salacious work — including cavorting in front of nude models in the mega-hit Blurred Lines video, and being on the receiving end of Miley Cyrus’ now-famous VMAs twerking — Robin, brushed it off as an occupational hazard.

“We’re not teachers and lawyers,” he said. “Mommy has shown her naked body for roles and Daddy has been around naked bodies, it’s just what we do.”

“I’m sure he’ll get a little ribbing at school, but at least Mommy looks great naked and Daddy’s song was a hit!

“…When asked about the photo in which he was goosing a fan following a MTV VMAs bash last month…”? Er, “goosing”? Is that what it was? “Goosing” suggests friendliness, a prank amongst acquaintances, something harmless. Robin Thicke was flat-out groping that club girl. And she says that he was trying to bang her in the bathroom too.

As for “the greatest love of the century, and the most functional, dysfunctional marriage in Hollywood”… ugh. Dude, everybody thinks that you have an open marriage and you and your wife go trolling for randoms for threesomes. We don’t need to sugar-coat it.

So mommy gets naked for her work and daddy is around women who get naked for their work. But daddy keeps his clothes on all the time. If “nudity is beautiful” as they both say, then how come Robin keeps his clothes on? That, Julian, is called a double standard.

Well, they can’t be that honest. That much honestly means the objectification of women and the sexual double standard won’t continue for another generation, and we can’t have that. It’s just good fun for women to always be objects!

Yeah, my main issue is that he and Paula used to represent themselves as having a traditional marriage. Not long ago, his wife was admitting that she used to spy on his to see if he was cheating and being relieved to find no evidence.

If they want to be swingers, I’m not going to judge. However, I am going to judge him for being a hypocrite about it. I’m also judging him big time over those lyrics and videos of his that reveal how much he loves p*ssy, but actually hates and disrespects women.

I agree. I don’t like his music or his sleazy persona but if they have an open relationship and it works for them who am I to judge. It wouldn’t work for me, but maybe it works well for them. Whatever.

How exactly does this work for their child? If it were just them, then fine. But they’ve brought a third person into the relationship who has no say in this arrangement – not sure they’re considering his happiness. We’ve seen enough messed up offspring of entertainers to get an idea of the harm this type of dysfunction can cause.

Well said. It’s their choice so why are people so invested in their lifestyle. It’s better to have an open marriage then be completed blindsided when you find out you thought you were in a monogamist relationship but your spouse proved otherwise.

LOL. So tired of this “monogamy is not natural” argument. It’s just not a true statement. It may not be natural for you, but it is to many humans, and many animal species as well. Do some real research please and stop quoting notions just because they tickle your ears.

As for the Thickes, it’s their business; I just wish they would be more discreet about their lifestyle.

You do know that monogamy in human populations is a very recent phenomenon, right?

And that even in societies that now hail monogamy, actual monogamous relationships are a minority. Have a quick look at marital fidelity studies. They might make you a little less judgemental of others.

Monogamy is a belief of the blissfully ignorant. I’m not ashamed to admit, nor is it a secret that my husband and I are swingers. We live the lifestyle as a couple, and it only enhances our marriage. We’ve been married for over 20 years, and we still behave like newlyweds. When we are at home during the week, it’s just us and our children and a very normal life. Take one look at craigslist personals, sls.com, aff.com, or any other personals website, and you’ll quickly see that we are not one of a few. It’s way more common than you pearl clutching prudes could ever imagine. Funny part is that your husbands are probably one of the hundreds of single guys that contact me each week because their wife isn’t any fun.

@Katrina, I don’t know that I am surprised, but I do find it amusing that you are more judgmental than us “pearl clutching prudes.” Lmao, I thought alternative thought and lifestyles generally would also come with tolerance for others’ choices. Guess not so much.

@Katrina
Yeah you sound like loads of fun. Get of your high horse. You’re not superior to monogamous couples, nor are they superior to you. Just because you enjoy swinging doesn’t mean those who don’t are prudes. The fact that you seem to relish in the fact that slimy men are contacting you behind their SO’s backs makes it sound like this lifestyle is more of a competition to you. Could be wrong, but in your post that’s what I sensed.

ETA: Made the mistake of reading your other posts. You definitely enjoy feeling ‘superior’ to other women. It’s nice that you and your husband are happy, but swinging doesn’t mean you are any happier than any happily wed monogamous couple. You seem to think swinging makes you a better person than women who don’t -and it sounds like it defines you as a person. And for that I feel sad for you.

I really don’t understand why people keep saying humans aren’t meant to be monogamous. Science has yet to prove that it’s true. And even it is, it doesn’t mean “oh well eff it. let’s just throw monogamy out the window”. It’s perfectly natural to desire other people and think what if, but what makes us human is our ability to overcome those desires. Plus, from what I’ve seen, most open relationships end up monogamous anyways if not in divorce.

To each their own I guess, but all I know is I could never do it…especially if we decide to bring another human being into the mix.

Additionally–why does everyone assume the WOMAN is the one who would obviously not be okay with the supposed open relationship? Whatever the truth may be, for all you know she was the one who wanted it in the first place. Just because she’s a woman doesn’t mean she automatically is against an open relationship.

@Pink, research suggests that hominid populations have been at least semi-monogamous for about 3.5 million years; I wouldn’t really consider that recent. While in more recent history only about 20% of human societies have been strictly monogamous, the majority of individuals in that other 80% have been monogamous. Then of course there is also a discrepancy between differing definitions of monagamy. All in all I don’t think it is judgmental to say that humans are primarily a monogamous species. That doesn’t mean that we are all the same; just like any other species there is tremendous variety in what works for each individual.

We are clearly using different definitions of monogamy. In my case monogamy is two people in sexual and relational exclusivity for life. Under that definition less than 20 percent of modern day societies are even monogamous. And of these so-called monogamist societies less than 50 percent of the relationships are thought to have had zero infidelity.

Also studies into genetic diversity indicate that up until 10,000 years ago, there were far fewer males contributing to the gene pool than females. Which implies that stronger males were hoarding the females and locking out weaker males. The increase in males appears to coincide with the birth of religion and perhaps a sense of fairness. And even so we know monogamy doesnt begin to emerge as a desirable state in judeo-christian culture until midway through the OT. The point is that however it came to be, we werent always this way. And by “we” I mean Westerners as much of the world doesnt even operate the same way.

@Pink, for the most part I can’t really wrap my head around what the general perception of monogamy is. I guess I generally think of it as having one sexual partner at a time. Then of course there are those who believe that social/emotional monogamy is a more appropriate description of the relationship many have today; it seems that is likely the type of relationship Thicke and Patton share. (allowing for the complications of culture and understanding that many are not in societies where all are free to make their own personal decisions) you should not be judged for being in a relationship that makes you happy and that you find emotionally and physically satisfying. People can think and reason and are no longer completely ruled by what is evolutionarily advantageous, but instead we can be freer to make independent choices.

mindy – not at all. If both parties choose that’s how they want to live and both are 100% OK with it, then that’s great. I’m a firm believer in do what makes you happy so long as you don’t hurt anyone else.
My original post wasn’t clear in that, it was early and I was trying to be brief – what I mean is it seems to me that he wants to live like a single guy rock star, with a different girl every night, but then also promote himself with his wife and kid.

And the only reason I’m wondering if she’s OK with it is that it always seems to be him finding other partners, not her too. If it were reversed, I’d be wondering the same about him. She might be completely fine with it, I don’t know. Maybe she does but is more discreet, or maybe she just doesn’t care. But the PR spin that follows the “scandals” makes me wonder.

I used to feel that way too, why bother getting married at all if you want to sleep with multiple partners? My opinion changed when my best friend revealed to me a few months ago that her and her husband have been swinging for the past year! They are completely in love with each other but love the thrill of being with other people. They seem to have no issues in their marriage from swinging. The world is becoming less traditional, so what may work for one marriage doesn’t necessarily mean it’ll work for others.

Kind of an afterthought here, but I do think the more secure a relationship is, the more it’ll survive if they decide to bring other people into their bedroom. If one of the partners is doing it just to please the other partner, I think that’s when problems start happening. Just my opinion, though.

You are correct. You must be very secure and happy in your relationship, or an alternative lifestyle is a recipe for disaster. My husband and I love it, and we refuse to get involved with people that don’t have a similar relationship to ours. (it can be supremely difficult to find that) We do NOT hook up with shady married men stepping out on their unsuspecting wives. I do wish there were more women like me around, but I’m certainly not implying that I’m better than anyone else as one poster surmised.

@Mort, I don’t do the dirty work. My husband is responsible for finding our friends. I just have to do the approvals. I lose interest far too quickly if I have to be involved in the search. I don’t want them to speak to me. I don’t want to know them. I don’t want to talk to them afterwards. It is simply about sex, and mostly the thrill I get from watching my husband with another woman.

@katrina, I asked you this down thread because I’m genuinely curious how it would make you feel if your husband were with someone who was younger, and more attractive or more intellectually stimulating in some way? Or how would he feel if you found a young nubile man who could last longer? Also, who suggested the swinging? You or your husband? My husband and I were once courted by swingers and the man was definitely the aggressor. He was very pushy and made me quite uncomfortable (and that’s quite a feat, considering not many things make me squirm). My husband was furious about the whole thing once I clued him in on it and shut the guy down rather quickly.

Mort, I was the one that suggested we give it a try. I’ve always been sexually aggressive and turned on by the idea of him with other women. He lasts forever and ever, so sharing that with someone else is great. He’s a fantastic lover. He’s also what you’d call a chubby chaser. I’m never threatened ego wise. In my head, I’m a beauty queen compared to these women. I’m also more intelligent by leaps and bounds. Beyond that, he and I are truly are best friends. We spend more time laughing at the people we were supposed to “hook up” with than we actually do hooking up. Most of the time we end up giving each other a knowing look and then he begins his act of having had too much to drink because we know we aren’t doing THAT! I love my husband and our life so incredibly much that maybe that’s why I come off so strongly. We’d have the best time no matter which lifestyle we lived, and I’m grateful for him everyday!!

Because you want to commit to the person you love, but you also want to be open to caring about others, or having sex with others? I don’t get the confusion. You can commit to someone forever, and still care about others, have other relationships, etc.

I always agree with everything you say on this subject. On Robin and Paula’s marriage and how people reach too f-ing far into a pop song to find the seedy, malicious meanings. It’s a pop song. It ain’t that deep. While I’m not into open relationships, theirs works so more props to them. People need to keep it moving. Nothing new to see here folks.

Right? That’s what I thought much of the concern was with. I could be wrong though. I mean, the rest of the lyrics are suggestive, but not outright about of force. Indirect sexism is still sexism. Of course, a lot of sex is about power games, so the other side of the argument has its merits as well.

+1
Perhaps some may be conflating the song and video content to make a case that he’s promoting assault against women. Just because Robin’s video features nude women (like we’ve seen countless times before in other media) does not mean that he endorses sexual assault of women through his music. I don’t hear anything “rapey” or whatever in the song.

Lmfao. Obviously, they will explain it in an age appropriate way. Same as vanilla couples explaining what sex is or what homosexuality is.

Now that he is only 3, it could go something like “open marriage is when mum and dad really love each other and also like being friends with other people too. Just like when you and John are best friends but also like to have other friends”.

Except that it is not at all like just having lots of friends. Many people have lots of friends. It’s the intimacy that is the difference. And it dilutes the intimacy when one tries to share it with more than one partner. People can call monogamy vanilla if they want to, but those in healthy monogamous relationships experience intimacy on a deeper level.

How do YOU explain your “vanilla” sex life to a 3 year old?? You break it down into a concept he can get, right? Well the same applies to swingers, gay parents, cross-dressers, transitioning transexuals and all the other beautiful people who refuse to live some Calvinist ideal.

@ sami vehemently disagree with your statement. Have you ever been in a relationship that was alternative? If not, then you don’t have a clue. I’ve been in both. The level of intimacy my husband and I share couldn’t be any deeper. We have sex with other people, not intimacy . There is a huge difference.

I can also guarantee that my children have never once been exposed because we have never once brought a couple to our house. It’s just that simple. I don’t understand why people see the need to complicate it. No feelings. No strings. No bringing it home. No mess. Just occasional fun on the weekend, and then back to everyday life. It won’t work for everyone, but it works out well for us.

That is ridiculous! Over twenty years in a marriage where we regularly invite other couples to join us in the bedroom, and I’ve never once had to explain it to my children. My children are not invited into the bedroom when their dad and I have sex, so why would they be any more privy to seeing their dad and I have sex with other couples? Use your head, and stop with the nonsense. My children are mid teens to early twenties, and as far as they know, mom and dad have a lot of couples friends. It’s called keeping bedroom business private whether you’re with just your spouse or with “friends.”

First of all, I completely respect your choice of life-style, my comment isn’t about that. If it works for you, then that’s fine with me, but honestly, I’ve heard my parents having sex so many times over the years and it was always SO horrible and weird to overhear!! Even though they must of thought at the time that we were all asleep and it was ‘safe’to do, but it wasn’t. I go through the same worry with my partner and our two boys here sometimes, plus every friend I’ve ever had through different converstions through the years has always admitted to hearing their parents at it too. The point I’m trying to make to you is to do what you want to do, but stop bullshiting yourself by thinking teenagers or younger kids don’t hear or pick up on things going on in a house. Of course they do! The question is, are you happy with them viewing this as ‘normal.’ That this is what sex between two loving, committed, grown-up people is?

Oh, so you can decry monogamy and commitment as “vanilla” and passe in the 21st century, but when someone who disagrees with the open relationship lifestyle states their opinion, it’s judgmental slut-shaming? Please. Get over yourself.

I didn’t mean to slut shame anyone, I actually think that having something private with your husband strengthens the bond, whatever that may be. But we choose to only be with each other in my marriage and I was only offended by the inference that if I’m not swinging that my husband and I are vanilla. Judging my lifestyle as boring is equally wrong.

They have been together since high school, through the ups and downs of showbiz and ofcourse societies racial hangups (they were adviced to keep their relationship in the shadows for their careers which they refused to do). That is at the very least A great love story.

Ugh, comments like that is what continually sets feminism back. All women who choose to live their lives or have relationships that don’t coincide with the social norm must obviously be sad, pathetic creatures, right? Obviously they’re lacking self-esteem because they are perfectly happy in a situation that you would not be comfortable in. Maybe, just maybe, she’s perfectly happy and secure in her relationship and has chosen a partner whose values are aligned with hers. That does not make her a spineless, sad woman who only stays because she has nowhere else to turn. What it DOES make her is an empowered woman who choses to live her life in a way that is outside conventional thinking. Just because someone is happy with something you yourself would not be doesn’t make it wrong. It speaks more about you than it does her.

Oh, please. Spare me your ill-informed condescension. There are a thousand rumours about his participation in an open marriage, none about her, a ton of blind items about how unhappy she is. This is glossing over a douche, not unconventionality. You want awesomely unconventional? Go see Tilda Swinton.

Moreover, if we want to talk about feminism, how about his never ending line about how his wife is cool with the BL video and encourages it? To me, that screams brainwashed, not liberated. It’s like Miley thinking she’s in charge of her sexuality because she gets naked in a Terry Richardson video and licks a hammer.

Okay, I concede the blind items part was a bit lame. But, I see a woman who gets lip service about respect, which is followed up with “plus, at least my kid knows she’s hot naked” and some BS about her thinking it’s “cool” to MAKE her husband do photoshoots with naked women. It’s the defeatist point of using one’s body to be “one of the guys.” I don’t hear a peep from her – she might as well be a blow up doll. I’ve seen women let their husbands walk all over them on the grounds that they’re “such a cool wife” and it always comes down to self-esteem. I see her objectifying men equally, I’ll be the first one to admit I was wrong, but I guarantee that won’t happen.

Second wave feminism is over. Judging by Thicke’s comments, and Patton’s silent endorsement, we lost that one.

We all need to stop trying to play psychologist as if we know what is going on in their marriage. Thicke is talking a lot about their private lives but perhaps Paula hasn’t addressed it because she hasn’t been asked about it or she don’t give a damn. When she’s had enough maybe she will leave but who are you to accuse her of having low self esteem as if you know this woman.
Let me tell you I’ve been around the block a few times myself and everything I did had nothing to do with low self esteem. I was quite confident in what I was doing and it was what I wanted.

As for Thicke’s video get over the naked girls parading around fully clothed men thing already. Have you seen rap videos?. A lot of these rappers are married but I don’t see hardly anyone on here complaining about rap stars parading half naked women in their videos. Thicke does one erotic video and all hell breaks loose. Is that because this is what’s expected of rap artist but let one White man do the same in his video and everybody is all up in arms about it.

You yourself said you have been involved in unconventional relationships as have I. I’m assuming you don’t want to be judged by the discretions you had so who are you to turn around and be judgemental about how someone else choose to live their life

I’ll go to town on rap music, too. Black women have it doubly hard – I’ll be the first to recognize the injustice that as far as mainstream media is concerned, solidarity is for white women. I cannot stand Pharrell Williams for that exact reason.

Hell, I don’t care if you judge me. I’m not ashamed of anything I’ve done. Sexuality belongs in the bedroom (or car, or back alley) of whomever is doing it. But, I will call a douche a douche, and Thicke trying to sell it as pro-female because his wife is on board, and saying she loves it is a twat move, and I’m calling it as such.

I’m done with arguing with someone hell-bent on attacking me. I’m taking my feminist ball and going home. I love debate, but this feels like a fight.

T. Fanty take a deep breath. Do you always get this upset when someone DOESN’T agree wirh you? Stop using accusatory statements that are not valid. Where in my comments did I attack you. That’s the problem with people, they love to throw out words like attack when someone else is just as opininated as them. I didn’t attack you sweety, I just voiced my opinion. Sorry that
you felt it was an attack on you.

Who knows perhapsThicke is not ashame of anything he has done either. Perhaps he does come off as a douche. I bet some people on here might think the things I have done are douchey or morally wrong and they may feel the same about you. It’s like you said, you are not ashame, neither am I. Why should we judge Thicke when our hands are not clean was all I was saying but you took that as an attack.

I enjoy debates as well but I tend not to resort to calling out people’s grammical errors just because I’m upset with their comments. But I’m sure you have never made mistakes before. Enjoy the rest of your day.

I stand by my comment. To me, this screams “objectification masquerading as liberation.” He says “at least mommy looks good naked” -?! Oh praise be. I’d like to hear her voice in this conversation. He’s talking for her.

I just think his marriage would be a lot less open if a picture of PP groping some Radom dude hit the web.

I certainly don’t intend to disclose my sexual history to a bunch of strangers, but suffice to say, I’ve been around the block in my time I’ve seen (and participated) in relationships where unconventionality is healthy, but I’ve also seen (and sadly been in) ones where a woman thinks it’s cool, yet in reality is simply attached to a self-indulgent tool. I know which one this is.

I happen to agree with everything you have said (especially re. Tilda!)

There is nothing empowering or feminist about this marriage. Whether she is okay with an open relationship or not, her husband has gone beyond that and is groping young women in clubs. He’s got naked women (basically being used as props or objects) draped all over him while he’s fully dressed. Please tell me how that’s empowering for women??

T. fanty:
Your take on the subject is very interesting and I love what you’ve just said about feminism!! People seem to just toss away the “your killing feminism” as an insult everytime they lack arguments.
You just put out there a leggit question if she is really on the same page as he is regarding their (open) marriage. If they are both on the same wagon, then good for them. I don’t see his appeal anyway and his music is boring and overplayed (one song, right).

T. Fanty’s comment “objectification masquerading as liberation” is exactly how I feel about this situation and yes, our culture as a whole right now (she just verbalized it so much better than I could!)

If I am to read this correctly, Fanty is singling out Ms. Patton and not women who condone open marriages. You may not agree with this estimation of Ms. Patton, but it is unfair to claim this is a slight against feminism.

This. Tfanty wasnt condemning all she just made her remarks on these two. And I agree with her about what thicke said. It is strange. He said she looked great naked and daddy had a hit song. Daddy has talent, mommy is pretty. I mean sweet and all but how about at least mommy was in a good movie? I mean she’s your wife people are gonna forgive you for praising her or thinking the world of her. Jgarner does it all the time with Ben.

Not that T. fanty needs anyone (else?) to cosign, but I don’t think any general judgement of women in open relationships was included here. I think she was trying to call a spade a spade. I don’t presume to know all the ins and outs of this relationship, but it does not seem copacetic.
Also, it isn’t only a woman with low self-esteem that can find herself in this situation. I have a family friend who is in an “open” relationship. His wife brings home women for him to sleep with. She has a boyfriend that she goes to spend weekends with. Now all that may be fine for some folk, but this man spends his weekends crying on my husband’s and my shoulders because he is so sad about his situation. If that is a healthy relationship, then I am a goose.

Perhaps Paula has a HIGH self esteem. Obviously she’s cool with her man porking other broads. She isn’t insecure about it. I, personally could not do what she does. My man is MY man and no one else’s. I don’t share but if it works for them that’s cool.

Because someone is into swinging, they have a low self-esteem? I completely disagree with that. They’ve been together since they were young teenagers. To me that shows they have a VERY solid and secure relationship. It’s likely they wanted to spice things up in a way many people wouldn’t themselves do in their own relationships. My best friend and her husband are swingers, they are very in love and both are secure in their marriage and with themselves. I guess it can be frightening for other people to see secure marriages withstand things like swinging and come out even stronger because of it.

I mean, why not say that HE is the one with low self-esteem? Why does it have to be on the woman???

It’s crazy how people get so upset over other people doings things they themselves see as morally wrong. As long as they aren’t hurting anyone, who cares if they have threesomes and what not.

I think it’s the fact that it comes off as him as the one with an open relationship and her going along with it that leads people to feel she has low self-esteem. If both partners are equal and completely on board, I think that an open relationship can be a healthy choice. If one partner is simply going along with it so they do not lose the other and is internally unhappy with the situation, it is problematic. Like I said before, I am not part of their relationship, but just what I see and they give off does not illustrate a healthy open relationship to me. If PP gets hers and is totally happy with it, then I obviously am wrong.

I don’t get why PP’s silence on the issue is automatically taken as her not participating in or condoning the (alleged) “open relationship”.

Maybe she’s just smarter than him and keeps quiet because she knows people will get up on their moral high-horse and get all judge-y?

I hate how people insist on treating every woman like she’s a victim. It’s so disempowering and damaging to the collective female psyche. As if none of us can CHOOSE to be in an open relationship, it’s always “forced” upon us by the domineering, controlling male. It’s reminiscent of the tired (and false) notion that women are unable to have sex with a guy without her emotions getting involved. Not every woman is the same, guys–we’re more than just our chromosome.

OKitt- I was thinking the same thing. Paula Patton probably hasn’t said anything because she realizes that by speaking out about their “unconventional marriage”, she brings a lot of negative attention on them. She’s obviously the more intelligent one in their relationship .

Not that I want to see that, but yes, to be fair, he should be strutting around naked too, a la D’Angelo. I don’t know how much that video has a bearing on his relationship though, beyond the fact that he clearly has no problem objectifying women.

I’m struck by the message to his son. Mommy gets naked and Daddy get surrounded by naked and we have successful careers (because of it?). i don’t know if the kid is ready for the reality of how much sex sells?

THIS. I hate that he’s obviously so incredibly comfortable with that reality to just throw it out there to his son like that. I suppose it’s honest, but it doesn’t sound like he’s tempering it with anything to blunt the impact on his kid.

While you are there, you could explain to them why you think a husband and wife negotiating unconventional terms to THEIR marriage impacts the sanctity of your or my marriage.
Hell, explain it to me too please

I just don’t get open marriages. Why should you have to bring in other people to keep YOUR relationship fresh. If you have to bring in other people something is seriously wrong there. Open cheating is more like it.

I worked in a divorce case that was two swingers, young. He left her for one of the wives in a couple they swing with. The exhibits were all kinds of magazines with spouses advertising each other. Group sex scenes on mattresses on floors, photos of women and men with their legs spread showing their wares, inviting another couple to contact them. Most are not attractive, let me just say that. And the bodies are not a movie star’s body or they are butter faces. If my husband wanted to watch me with another man, I would be disgusted with him. And I felt really filthy just looking at the magazines. They were just seedy. I have known couples who swing, but it is just sad to me. One in my neighborhood everyone has known for years and had no clue until it slipped out. He adores his wife, but once it was out, they seemed proud and seemed to think other nonswinging couples would be interested. Not. They became ostracized from neighborhood parties.

Their lives have deteriorated into a mess of decadence and she caught him trying to climb into a single neighbor’s window drunk (the neighbor was freaked and how everybody found out), and yet on the other hand, she adores her children and they have that side. They aren’t some gorgeous couple either.

A doctor very good-looking had a plain wife, and I was stunned when at a party she came onto my boyfriend, who was a playboy but no swinger LOL. She came onto him right in front of me. First off, he only dated young cute things, and she was older and plain. I was amazed at her confidence. He told me after the party they were swingers and had swinger parties. I would never have believed she would be the type looking at her, more like a doting tennis mom, and I guess that’s how she kept him, because he was movie star handsome and a prominent doctor.

It’s not ignorance. It’s called allowed to have your opinion. I can find it distasteful if I like. Just because many marriages fail really has nothing to do with it. Fifty percent of relationships fail for many reasons. My ex-boyfriend’s best friend and his girlfriend, eventually wife were swingers. They had no kids. I liked them and we all would hang out at times. They never knew I knew. He told me. It didn’t stop me from liking them. It wasn’t an issue because it had no bearing on us as friendly. It was their private life. It doesn’t mean I ever found it anything but gross, but it was their life, not mine.

Word, Marley!
Jayna is right about one thing though… there are plenty of yucky ones on the ‘swingset’ Sometimes it’s hard to find another couple, but there is never any shortage of married men looking to get away from their wife. My husband and I always joke that there’d be a lot more happier marriages if there were more women like me. I know I’m dying to meet more women like me.

First off, is it possible that is because there are more “strait” marriages than those of swingers? Not sure, just saying.
Also, I think there is more than enough judgement and nonsense going both ways. It is just as fine for someone to be happy in an open or swinging relationship as for someone to know that would never work for them.
I know for most of my life I was not monogamous, but I refused to be in a serious, committed relationship for exactly that reason. I am now married and I don’t think that being a swinger or in an open relationship would ever work for us. That doesn’t mean I judge people who make that choice; it just means that it does not work for me.

@Katrina, your swinging includes sleeping with lots of husbands looking to get away from their wives? So, they are cheating with you, yet you are on your high horse all over this thread. Wow.
” but there is never any shortage of married men looking to get away from their wife. My husband and I always joke that there’d be a lot more happier marriages if there were more women like me.”

I think the Thickes can do whatever the hell they want to as long as they are both happy, but I do find your putting down monogamist marriages, calling them vanilla, etc to be off putting. You have such a high opinion of yourself, I do hope you get your wish of meeting other women like yourself.

Better look again. I never once said anything about vanilla. Nor did I ever say anywhere that i sleep with any of the shady ass married men that contact us. I don’t!! We strictly same room couple swap. I don’t look down on anyone’s choice of lifestyle except those that turn their noses up to mine when I know what their husbands are doing behind their back. It’s incredible the number of women I know in my small town who have no idea what skeevy men they are married to while they are turning their noses up at people like me. It makes me giggle, and yes, sometimes feel downright smug.

@katrina, did you ever think that your husband likes to sleep with other women because he’s bored of you (or your aren’t enough?) what about if the other woman is more attractive? Or intellectual, or does things you won’t? How does that make you feel?

That’s just silly. First off, not everyone does it to “keep things fresh.” Some people do it because they just want to. If you’re a match with someone else who wants to be open to other relationships, it’s amazing. My question to you is why it’s so bad to be open to more caring, love, and sex in your life, and in your partner’s life?

I like love. I like sex. I like building intimate relationships with people. “Open” can mean any or all of the three, at the same time. Or even just one of them.

And even if it is to “keep things fresh,” whatever that means, so what? What if that’s what turns the people on in the relationship? (ALL of the people, not just one.) Why should all couples conform to the way YOU think relationships should be?

Just because you love someone doesnt mean you can’t be physically attracted and have sex with someone else. If this works for them, so be it. Most of the time in Hollywood its just the guys continually fooling around while the wife sticks her head in the sand.

Can’t see it myself, and maybe it “works” for some, but swinging – what a great way to spread HPV, etc. around … And don’t tell me all the sex is with barriers. It’s just unsafe to have continual strings of sex partners and more often than not would screw with most people’s and their partners’ heads.

Rubbish! Been in the swinger lifestyle for many years, and I’ve never contracted even the most common or simplest std. Clean as a whistle, and ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS use a condom. You can have fun while still being smart about it.

Condoms don’t protect you from crabs, genital warts or genital herpes (which can exist around the genitals and on the upper thighs). Furthermore, I hope everyone is using condoms during oral, since oral herpes can turn into genital herpes when an infected person gives oral (even when the infected person isn’t experiencing an outbreak).

And throat cancer. I have a good friend who was treated for that, from oral (her doctor told her it was likely from an ex’s HPV. She had no idea at the time.

I’m just saying not all sex related diseases are instantly noticeable. And the treatment and radiation for throat cancer is probably the most horrible thing I’ve ever had described to me. Downright medieval torture. It wouldn’t be worth it to anyone. So anybody doing this needs to be very careful how they do it. I wouldn’t wish that on ANYONE.

Meh, they obviously are in on it(open marriage) together and subscribe to this type of lifestyle. Whether she goes along with it because she really wants to or because she knows that is what he wants, remains to be seen. But, I’ve seen this type of thing get messy fast especially when one of the partners falls for someone from one of the extramarital hookups and decides to leave the marriage. Sh*t gets real. Anyway, they are rumored to be big drug users which I find more disturbing especially if they doing drugs in plain site of their child. They both always seem lit up with I see them interviewed.

I’m glad someone brought up the drug issue, because I’ve seen too many eyewitness accounts of him sloshed out of his mind and her acting like she was hopped up on something. I have never heard of her getting cosy with another person not her husband (male or female), which leads me to believe the open door policy only applies to him. They staged photo ops with their kid after Robin’s groping was exposed. I heard she just lost, or dropped out, of a lead role in a movie. His dad was notorious for chasing young girls back in the day (maybe still is, I don’t know) so he had a crappy role model during his formative years. I’m not really buying the ‘they’re just a couple of happy swingers’ line. It sounds like both need to grow up.

Exactly. I’ll believe that their open marriage goes both ways when I see Paula Patton on the cover of a magazine with a dozen naked men or someone posts a photo of her on Twitter feeling up a man who isn’t her husband. And trust that if that happens, people won’t be so forgiving as with her husband. There is always a double standard. Womanizers like Robin Thicke are a dime a dozen in Hollywood. No one is going to kill his career over being a bad husband, but if it is exposed that Paula is in fact a druggie, swinger, or bi, it WILL affect the roles she will get in the future.

lol @”monogamy is not natural”.
how natural is it that you are sitting in front of an electronic device connecting you to people all over the planet in real time while looking at moving pictures with sound?

so please. even if the statement were true (which it is not), look into the animal world) its a bit off.

think about being natural next time you are in a huge metal thing flying in the sky.

its just an excuse for bad behaviour. you know violence and rage are natural but i frown upon them. just because you think something is natural or even something is natural doesnt make it good or excusable.

…huh that’s interesting. I was listening to a talk by some dude and he was saying that people always use the “but it’s natural” line in ALOT of things. Like natural is always better for you than anything else. The context of his was specifically how some overzealous crunchy people can get crazy about things being “natural” and blah blah blah. So then he counters with “Uranium is natural…but I sure as hell don’t think it’s good for me.” Made me laugh so hard.

For the record in this context of marriage, monogamy, etc. I don’t care what you do. I know what works for me that’s all that matters. Just sharing something that while random was related.

But I’ve grown to really dislike robin thicke because he’s gross now. His last music video was the tipping point. Gross.

My main concern is did he really do an interview with Star magazine? Like really dude?? That’s the worst tabloid out there next to National Enquirer. Come on, boo!!! Do some GQ sh*t. I love Robin Thicke. I think he’s smokin’ hot and love his voice. I’m the minority but that’s alright.

Funny how he spent spent many years trying to have a major hit and popularity (before only a few knew of his work) and he is already in freefall, that didnt’t take long LOL!! That what apicture with your digit up a gal’s butt and the Miley-trash at the VMAS does for you. It’s not art, it’s just trash.

The problem is that both sides judge. There are equally as many people calling monogamy “vanilla” and “boring” as there are people saying they don’t understand the concept of an open relationship. My husband and I are as monogamous as they come, but by no means are we “vanilla.” I mean, aside from inviting other people into our bedroom, we’ve pretty much experimented with everything else you can imagine. Our sex life is in no way vanilla, just like people in open relationships aren’t autmoatically “seedy” nor are their relationships automatically “in trouble.” Some probably are, some probably aren’t, just like some “traditional” marriages are boring, and some aren’t. It takes all kinds.

Agreed. It’s a personal choice how you live your life and what the boundaries of your marriage are, whatever that may entail. If both, or more parties are happy and content, its all good.

None of us can judge somebody else choice. Monogamous people aren’t necessarily vanilla or pearl clutches, although some are. Swingers, polyamorous people aren’t necessarily seedy or disgusting, although some are.

For a couple so close and on the same page as the Robin Thicke self reports him and Robin to be, I’m a little puzzled as to why they aren’t harmonious in their handling of the rumors. Why don’t they both just keep totally mum about their lifestyle or both just come out with the details? Why the incongruous behavior between them? While he teases and then plays coy, all while openly fooling around with other women, she stays awkwardly silent and out of the lime light.

My hubby and I have had an open marriage for the past three and a half years… It works very well for us, thank you very much! We also have a five year old who has no idea…why? It’s none of her business how her father and I conduct our sex lives. We are providing a stable, loving home, bottom line. Hubby and I play to the strengths in our marriage but understand that we can’t be everything to each other at every moment. We are best friends and love one another completely. Will we do this forever? Who knows? But at the end of the day it’s made us a happier, stronger couple…no one has any right to judge us or Robin Thicke and Paula Patton. And the open marriage was my idea by the way and I have great self esteem!