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Broodman v Sulkman: Dawn of Yawn

I could wax at length about everything wrong with Batman v Superman, but that would require detailing the entire movie and I've already suffered it once.

The general public understands that Batman doesn't kill or use guns. But Snyder's Batman does. A lot. That's a warning to anyone curious about seeing it. This isn't a movie for youngsters. It's not for thinking adults, either. I'm sure there's an audience for this, but it's not for me and it's not for kids.

My main gripes though, are that this is indeed a boring film, even in its action. But also, this movie asks the audience to make distinctions and draw conclusions and to read between the lines. There's no direction here, those aren't subtleties that could be missed or are fleshed out upon future viewings. It's bad writing and worse direction.

This is a bad and boring movie that has music that swells too loud and sound effects that shake your seats in an effort to convey weight, but this is all an empty shell.

Wonder Woman is good, but only because she's something different after two hours of snoozing. Which is to say, she's not really good, she's just a change of scenery there for no reason, but your mind wants to think that's good.

I really hate to be so negative, maybe I should save my breath, but this is bad, folks. I want to urge more superhero films, I want Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman on the big screen, but not this version. Not this take.

The television shows DC are producing, even Gotham which is gratingly awful, but purely enjoying itself all the while, are great. They're fresh and bright and lively. They're having fun. Man of Steel and Batman v Superman are not. They're just, bad.

So, I'll part with an image of a what-if from several years ago when someone dared imagine a universe pitting Nolan and Bale's Batman against Singer and Routh's Superman:

My name is J.D. Buffington. I play video games when I can and I love RuPaul's Drag Race. I'm a Virgo and lactose intolerant. I love cats and dogs and live with both. My favorite thing ever is Star Wars. I write horror and a bit of science fiction. What I'm good at is turning nightmares into stories. The thing that I want most, though, is to entertain you with the thoughts that keep me up at night.