One woman's quest for greater understanding through freedom of self expression.

What Can Beat No Chemo?

I’m still reeling from news yesterday that chemotherapy is not indicated in my particular case. I don’t remember ever receiving better news. I was prepared for the worst, so much so that I didn’t know how to react to such great news. I couldn’t quite grasp it at first. I wondered if they’d gotten my sample mixed up at the lab. The doctor had to ensure me that the results were mine.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how perspective changes everything. Six months ago I in the midst of a deep depression and couldn’t seem to pull myself out of it. Now, the things that were concerning me hardly seem important. I’m alive and I don’t have to have chemo. I feel lucky which is a feeling I’ve never really experienced before. On the contrary, I’ve always felt like a little black could was hanging over my head. Today I feel almost grateful for new outlook that having cancer has given me.

At this point I can’t think of any news greater than “You don’t have to have Chemotherapy”. What can beat that?

Best meal I ever had at the Inn at Little Washington? That night I was catered to by more restaurant staff than I ever knew existed, experienced delectable food, celebrated my birthday with my husband and closest friends. A great memory…but it doesn’t come close.

Best sex I ever had? Incredible and also delectable but I do not kiss and tell so I’ll say no more about it except although it was exhilarating and took my breath away it doesn’t come close to the joy I’m experiencing now.

The only thing that ranks up there with finding out I don’t have to have chemo is the birth of my god-daughters. That’s the amount of joy I feel again today. A rebirth of sorts. A new way to look at life. I hope I’m able to harness this feeling and channel it toward enjoying life and not let depression take hold of me again.