Friday's Edge: Now, for our next trick, our work vanishes

It's been too long since we've heard from Beaverton's Art Manning, the self-described funny magician. Let's see if he can turn that frown upside down right this minute, Mr./Ms. Grumpy Pants, with a couple of self-described jokes.

Bob invites Jim to spend an afternoon at the club. They're sitting at the bar when someone yells out,"89." Some laugh, others not so much. But when someone shouts "64," everyone falls down laughing. Jim is completely puzzled, "What's going on?" he asks Bob. "All of us at the club have told jokes for many years," Bob explains, "that to save time we just numbered the punch lines." To which Jim asks, "Then why did everyone laugh so hard when the guy shouted '64'?" Bob: "We hadn't heard that one before."

A young man volunteers to help the United Way campaign in his town. In looking over the donation records, he notices the town's richest and most successful businessman has never donated to the United Way. He pays the businessman a visit at his office.

"We've done some research," the young man says, "and we noticed that even though you are worth many millions of dollars, you have never donated to United Way."

"Really," says the businessman. "Did your research show that my mother is dying after a long painful illness and she has incurred huge medical bills far beyond her ability to pay, and did you know my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind, confined to a wheelchair and unable to support his wife and his five children?"

"No, we didn't know that," says the young man.

"And did you know that my sister's husband died in a car accident, leaving her penniless with four children and a large mortgage?"

"No, we didn't know that, either," says the young man.

"And if I don't give anything to them, why should I give anything to you?" To lead a good life Never go mountain climbing with a beneficiary. Never go on a road trip with someone learning to play the harmonica. Never miss a good chance to shut up. Never take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.