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Monday, December 12, 2011

Snuggie Texts

Perhaps because I've been in a particularly snarky mood lately, I couldn't resist last night when I got an accidental text from an unknown number. The following is our text exchange over the next 24 hours in its entirety. [For follow up, see Snuggie Texts Part II]. Please LIKE us on Facebook or FOLLOW Stranger on Twitter. Enjoy:Unknown:Hey Amanda! This is Jane. I was thinking for Beth's wedding gift we could go halfsies on one of those blocks of wood that says words like faith and hope that they could put on a mantle or hang on the wall. What do you think?Eli:Hmmm . . . I saw couples snuggies at K-Mart the other day on sale for 9.99 and I think this is probably more of what she's looking for. It's more practical.Unknown:Lol! That's what I got them for their birthdays! But seriously, what do you think about the wood block idea?Eli:Ok . . . I know for a fact you didn't get them snuggies for their birthdays because I talked to Beth recently and asked her which kind she would want if she got one as a wedding gift and she didn't say anything about already having one . . .Unknown:Oh Amanda, I was just joking. Sorry. :( Tell me more about your snuggie idea?Eli:I'm confused . . . what was the joke?Unknown:Oh, a lot of people joke about snuggies. But I know a lot of people like them and I just thought maybe you were joking. I don't know you very well, obviously, so I don't know your sense of humor.Eli:Well obviously I don't think we should get them leopard print. I was thinking the classy kitten snuggies with their names embroidered onto them and a phrase like "1+1=furrrever."Unknown:1+1=furrever? Do you mean 2+2?Eli:2? Are they each 2 people? Why would it be 2+2?Unknown:1+1 equals 2, not 4. So the number "furrrever" doesn't really make sense with 1+1. Also, I don't think Beth likes cat stuff . . .Eli:Furrrever isn't a number . . . And Beth doesn't like cats but I'm pretty sure she likes cat stuff. I get her t-shirts with kittens on them for every birthday and she always says she loves them and that she wears them on vacations and stuff.Unknown:I bet she likes them just fine. I guess I just assumed she didn't like cat stuff since she doesn't like cats . . . But maybe she would like them. Or we could think of other options . . .Eli:I can tell you don't like the snuggie idea so let's just bag it.Unknown:I'm willing to consider it of course! But, are you at all interested in my block word idea? We could get those really cute ones that are painted different colors and just have a whole bunch they could put around their house.Eli:Here, let me text you a picture of my snuggie so you can get a better idea.Eli:

Unknown: (2 hours later)Honestly Amanda, I'm not crazy about the snuggie idea. If you want to do that, that's cool but I'll probably just do my own thing. Is that ok?Eli:Is it because of the picture? Obviously the Venetian mask and tea kettle wouldn't be part of the gift. I was just trying to show a few different uses. I can send other pictures if you want to see more.Unknown:No, that's ok. I think it looks really comfie. So you don't like the block words idea?Eli:You can go to football games in them, do grocery shopping, wear them around when all of your clothes are wet, read books, etc.Unknown:Yeah, they seem really cool. But she probably wouldn't do that kind of stuff in one . . .Eli:Well obviously she would have to tie it in the back so it wouldn't fall off. Especially if she didn't wear any clothes under it.Unknown:Alright. So you aren't interested in my block word idea?Eli:It's not that I don't like it. It's just that, when I was a kid my grandma used to always give me books for Christmas and I was always like, "thanks grandma. Now I have to read to enjoy your gift." You get me? Plus who has time for that?Unknown:But you understand the blocks are just one word. Like it would just be a block that says "Faith" or something.Eli:Oooooohhhhhh. So like a whole bunch of them that you move around to make funny sentences like word magnets on fridges that say stuff like, "I don't want no bunny banana frog ok no way!"Unknown:? No. Like, it's just the one word and you put it on a shelf or something.Eli:So we would have to get them a shelf too?Unknown:No . . . Ok, so you're not crazy about my idea. Do you have any others, other than the snuggie idea?Eli:What about garden gnomes?Unknown:Well they don't have a yard . . .Eli:Oh. What about a couple of chickens! Ok, hear me out on this. When I was a kid my parents had a chicken coop and we called one of the chickens the Queen of Colors because she was really colorful but one day her legs got stuck in my sister's hair so they had to cut the chicken out.Unknown:I don't think they would appreciate live animals.Eli:You're missing the point! The Queen of Colors got stuck in her hair! You have no idea what that put her through. Everyone called her "chicken head" until she lost her eye in a rubber band fight with her sponsor and they all started calling her "one-eyed-Wendy." But she's so much stronger for it.Unknown:I'll just do my own thing and you can do whatever you want. Ok?Eli:

Unknown: (Many hours later)Who is this?Eli:Eli.Unknown:And why did you keep texting me when you knew I had the wrong number?Eli:

Oh my holy hannah!!!! I have laughed so hard I am crying!!! I am wiping tears, laughing, gasping for air from the coughing fit from laughing SOOOOOOO hard, laughing some more, reaching for my inhaler due to the mini asthma attack from laughing so hard, taking a few puffs and laughing some more. OH WOW!!! That is HY-STER-I-CAL!!!!!

Poor girl. You've scarred her for life! But it was hilarious none the less :-). Can't stop laughing, actually. It was just what the doctor ordered today as well. Wonder if she'll take those texts to her lawyer for review?

BTW, those word blocks are like $6.00 or something like that. They're all on sale right now at Hobby Lobby. Just bought one for a FOR REAL gift the other day. I have to confess, I'm more than a little concerned about the halvsies thing, especially since she doesn't know the person real well that she's suggesting this arrangement with. One should really check out their business partners a little more carefully...and they should probably check out the price tag of said items first, too.

Oh...my!! Sorry, I feel somewhat strange leaving a comment, since I don't actually know you, but apparently you like talking to those you don't know, so...I really appreciated reading this conversation. I just received this link on facebook, and I'm so glad I followed it! Thanks for sharing the awesomeness.

I am seriously dying over here. First, how did she not know you were joking with her?? Second, why is she texting someone she doesn't know to go "halfsies" on a gift?? Third, can you please get her to send you the actual Amanda-Jane text exchange regarding the wedding present halfsies idea?!

lol...wow she was trying really hard not to hurt your feelings...I'm very impressed by her patience! ...and I loved your comment that word blocks are annoying because you have to read them to enjoy them...this was awesome. (btw, mary beth referred me to this--your blog is awesome.)

I came across this blog randomly today and after laughing my ever-loving head off, I promptly forwarded it to all of my friends, colleagues, and acquaintances (in that order).

I don't know how to say this, but I'm a little infatuated with you after reading your genius. At the risk of sounding like a total internet weirdo, if you are currently unattached I would love to put in my application (seriously- email me). If, however, you ARE attached I will just continue to laugh at your hilarity.

Wow Eli--with all your readers you could start putting up ads and getting paid to blog...too bad you spent three years going to law school when you could be a professional comedic blogger!! It's been too long--we need to meet up somewhere sometime!

Dude, one of my friends posted this link on facebook, and I am now a follower of your blog. HILARIOUS! -Have you ever read the book "Letters From a Nut" by Ted L. Nancy? Wow, you and Ted must be kindred spirits...

Just so everyone knows.....Eli's Mom and Dad (us) gave Eli (and his sister Krishelle) their first snuggies for Christmas as a joke. We all had a great laugh as they modeled them for us. Who knew that someday that very snuggy would make him famous! We are a proud mama and papa.

I would have LOVED to get a garden gnome as a gift! In fact, I have a small one in my kitchen that needs a friend.

On another note, why didn't she notice the man-hands in the first picture and realize that she probably wasn't texting someone named Amanda???? After all, female man-hands only exist in Seinfeld episodes.....

Found this through Twitter...though I don't normally start conversations with people I don't know, I'm definitely making an exception here. Thanks for the most hilarious story I've read in a long time!

Since you obviously now know that this is a facebook sensation, I don't feel creepy commenting. VERY well done. Also, I meandered through "The Lost Journal Series" and LOVED it! I'd pay good money if I could find my Wishbone diary (complete with lock & key) from 10 years old.

Couldn't stop laughing! Thanks for sharing! Maybe I'm too nice, because when I get texted by strangers, I give it away too quickly. Real texts from about a month and a half ago... Stranger: R u workingMe: Not really. Why?Stranger: Being nosey...have u heard from gramma?me: All my grandma's are dead- so no. I don't think I'm who you think I am.Stranger: Sorry

I could have had so much more fun with that!

Another stranger text...Stranger: By the way, that is an ugly T-shirt

I could have had fun with that too, but I skipped directly to "Who is this?" I have a lot to learn!

The best are "Will you work for me on Friday?" (or whenever) I always say yes. But i'm too nice to not send another text 10 minutes later with something like "Where do we work again?"

Ok, before you get a restraining order against me I just have to make 1 more comment. This is probably my favorite (and possibly most overlooked) part of the whole post: "I get her t-shirts with kittens on them for every birthday and she always says she loves them and that she wears them on vacations and stuff." Every time I read this part I have a little vision in my head about a friend giving kitten shirts to another friend...and the friend swearing up and down that she wears them every time she's out of town (or anywhere that the giver of the gift just wouldn't be able to prove that she does, in fact, NOT wear them). I love this. I mean, she can't lie and say she wears them around the house because the friend could probably prove she's lying and that would lead to an awkward conversation. Not everyone appreciates an awkward conversation like we do.

I don't know you but I randomly saw your blog on a friends facebook, and I have to tell you that this is seriously the FUNNIEST thing I have read! I started reading it to my hubby but was laughing so hard...crying actually he had to come and finish reading it with me!! too funny!! thank you for sharing!

Hilarious! We need to be "friend-ies"... Honestly sad I dont know you personally, because like many others have said, I'm sure life would be much more fun, entertaining, etc. I'm a follower! Happy holidays, and please continue screwing with people!

Hilarious! We need to be "friend-ies"... Honestly sad I dont know you personally, because like many others have said, I'm sure life would be much more fun, entertaining, etc. I'm a follower! Happy holidays, and please continue screwing with people!

I am sitting here in my office, alone, laughing my head off! This is the funniest thing I've read in a long long time! Thank you for posting it...if ya got any more, send them my way! ~middle child mom

I am such a sucker for a quick wit. I'm totally hiring you as my lawyer for life, as I'm sure any situation that would require my hiring a lawyer would also require a hefty dose of humor. Loved the follow up too- you realize you're going to end up marrying this poor girl don't you? (assuming you are not yet married-don't scar the girl THAT badly) Think of the snuggie slide show you could have at your reception or better yet a whole Snuggie theme. Snuggie chair covers, matching kitten snuggies for the bridesmaids and groomsmen- the possibilites are endless. And of course you can get get your own "I'm the Bride" and "I'm the Groom" snuggies for the horse drawn carriage ride..... I'm pretty sure elisweddingdesign.com isn't taken.

Oh Eli, you live in Utah, you should know that the pioneer ethic dictates we sew the Snuggies ourselves, particularly if they're to be given as wedding presents. I believe gingham is the fabric choice for a long, fruitful marriage.

OK, so even though I'm a mommy blogger and made a lot of "Pshaw!" sounds while looking over your fake, insulting and basically hilarious mom blog...YOU ROCK! The next time I get a wrong number text, I probably won't say, "Sorry, wrong number." :)

And here I thought I was the only one who ever got a chicken stuck in their hair... Wait! My name is Wendy, also! Does this mean I'm doomed to lose an eye in a rubber band fight?! That's it. I'm going to wear protective eye gear from here on out.

OMG!!! My friend has been trying to get me to read this for a couple of months and I haven't bothered until just now. I don't think I have ever laughed that hard in my life!! Thank you for posting this!

Eli, I have never followed a blog before or commented on anything online, other than facebook. I have to admit though that laughter and humor are honestly the BEST medicine and therapy anyone can have EVER ! You made me laugh SO hard ! THANK YOU !!!

Eli, Thank you for the humor! My experience with lawyers has been the slimeball type that give all others a bad name. It's good to see one with humor!!Thanks for making me laugh for the first time in a long time.

I just read (somewhere up the in the long list of replies) that this whole thing is FAKE! I really enjoyed reading this post and got totally sucked in. I want the dream to live on! And I also want UPDATES. There aren't any :( I would assume that you two didn't ever end up meeting, didn't fall in love, didn't go on the Ellen show to share your story, Jane didn't become Fortify's second mom and all the reminiscing about snuggies, wooden blocks, summer camp and the Queen of Colors has come to an end. STOP THE MADNESS AND GIVE US UPDATES!

Kara, there has been some speculation that this was all fake. Rest assured, it is not. I plan to give something of an update, or, at least, more background information soon, as we approach the year anniversary. So please stay tuned.

Omg. I sat here and laughed hysterically as I read part 1 and then almost in tears reading part 2. Thank you for posting this, it was so hilarious. I just started dying when you said you went and made a whole blog just to deter her. Sandy