Listen up thugstas: we changed the site’s name. Rap Exegesis was a splendid name, and it resonates with Judaism, which is always a plus. But here’s the deal (it kills me to break character like this, but I simply can’t talk about what happened in a jocular manner):

A couple weeks ago (not going to give the date, so you can’t Google it!) I witnessed an ACTUAL murder outside of a mostly insolvent strip club.

I can’t go into too much detail, but from where I was standing (behind the dumpster, don’t worry about it), I gathered that the murder involved a gambling debt from the early 90’s and many small flaps of flesh. Foolishly, I allowed myself to make eye contact with the perp (an Asian woman) as she lowered her choked out victim (a Latin gentleman) to the gravelly pavement…I’ve probably already said too much.

Yes, you guessed it, I confess: I snitched!

I’m now living in [undisclosed location]. The feds set me up with a baller-ass ranch and a charming little family. I love my new family very much, especially my wife. She’s an excellent cook. I am already looking forward to next [undisclosed winter holiday]

My family does not know about RapExegesis.com, and I have no intention of telling them. It’s surprisingly easy to live a lie. Did I mention my new wife is a freak? Her parts are all clean and nothing is off limits. I digress…

Just to be safe, I’m changing the name of the site to RapGenius.com. The new site will protect my life, simplify spelling and — best part! — it doesn’t have “rape” in the URL