Tuesday, 1 April 2008

How to Get Fired

About.com's Career Planning Guide: "I have the opportunity to visit many of my fellow career advice sites on the Web. Through my extensive virtual travels I have found that articles about succeeding on the job abound. But, what if you wanted to know how to get fired? Could you find an article that would tell you how to perform so poorly on the job that your employer, with a swish of his or her hand, would summarily dismiss you? I looked around and found nothing that fit the bill. So I decided to write such an article myself.

P.S. If you came here looking for advice on how to stay employed, just do the opposite of everything I tell you here. "

Arrive late for workBeing on time is for wimps. Drag yourself out of bed whenever you feel like it. Stop to run an errand on your way to the office.

Don't forget the coffeeNo not for your boss -- for yourself! You're already late so why not stop for a cup of coffee on the way to work? Don't forget to get a muffin or a roll too (crumbs on your tie look really good).

Eat at your deskI mean your coffee and roll, not your lunch silly. Why would you want to work through lunch anyway? And take your time — you're in no hurry to start working.

Take a long lunchAn hour for lunch? Are they nuts? That can't possibly be enough time to get together with an old friend and run a few more errands.

Make personal phone callsIf you can't make your phone calls from the office, when else will you find the time? Don't make those calls short and sweet -- chat away.

Speaking of chatting...Let's not forget about the good old Net. You can go into a chat room any time of day, so why waste your precious personal time.

Send lots of emailUse those eight hours at work to take care of all that personal email. Oh and don't forget to use your work email address.

Download, download, download...Your connection is much faster at work than on your home pc. And besides, there are some things you wouldn't want your significant other to see.

Make the customers/clients really madThere are several ways to do this. If you deal with customers in person, ignore them while you talk to your co-workers. Don't have answers to their questions. If most of your contact is by phone, keep yours busy so clients can't get through. If they bother to leave a message, don't return their phone calls.

Don't ever go beyond your job descriptionEven when a project is down to the wire and your help is desperately needed, just remember: "It's not your job."

Leave work earlyWho made that five o'clock rule anyway? If you leave 15 minutes early think of how much you can get done before dinner.

Party hardyNights are made for partying. Don't worry — you can sleep late tomorrow. After all, you do plan to get to work late, don't you?

chit-chat at your colleagues desk: who cares if your fellow colleague (from another dept mostly professional service :P) have some important presentation/meeting/work (believe me PS people are free 101% of the time :P)... go to their desk and have a long chitchat. you can always engage them in something interesting, and yes dont forget to take your tea and some snack with you.

Playing games. you can play computer games on you pc and again play it on the network with your fellow colleagues. (Counter Attack was very popular at enterpriseDB).

if your eyes start aching you can go and play table tennis in your offices recreational room. what!!! you dont have a recreation room in your office :P and no table tennis ... you need to travel back in time to 2005 and switch your job to enterpriseDB once again :P

Watch movies: yes, when else are you gonna find time for them. When you go home your gonna be tired enough to jump on your bed and sleep like a baby. it pretty justified when you dont get enough time for a day nap !

believe me all these todos are not motivating ... they dont work !!!!! ... you have to change the job yourself ! :S :P

OMG!!!! You are trying to play a -om mode of the game with me ... n00b's don't last long :P .... I'll start a -xl with -om and will take down all your favourite heroes in THIS game :P ..... or much better, i'll give you a chance, start -ar and even try -repick .... I bet i'll win :P ...

Happy chit-chat day :P .. with lots of gaming :P

Didn't get the time to reply yesterday ... WAS BUSY :P

P.S. Why the most important part of a message is in P.S. ... because PS is the most important one :P