Ship joke: on the seven seas, the guy in the crows nest says "Captain, enemy ship on the horizon!" the captain turns to his first mate and says "Bring me my red shirt." He goes and gets it, and the captain puts it on and says "Prepare for battle!" the battle over, not a single man died. the first mate goes to the captain and asks "Why did you want me to bring you your red shirt?"
"Because if I got shot, the crew would not see the blood and fight on."
the next day, "Captain, 20 enemy ships on the horizon!"
the captian say "Bring me my brown pants!"

There were two guys. They were the best of friends. After college they parted ways. 10 years later they meet again. One of them is the CEO of a large organization and the other is a pirate with a peg leg, hooked hand, and an eye patch. The CEO asks his friend how he got the peg leg. The pirate says, "I was at sea with my pirate buddies and I lost my leg during one of our raids. The CEO then says,"How did you get a hook for a hand?" The pirate says,"I was at sea with my pirate buddies and I lost my leg during one of our raids. The CEO then says,"Why do you were an eyepatch?" The pirate said,"A bird's droppings landed in my eye." The CEO said, "Don't you think that's a little extreme?" The pirate said,"Well, yeah, but it was my first day with my hook."

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