Sunday, May 27, 2007

Getting Your Dating Mojo On - Part I

Hi everybody,

I realized I've been neglecting those of you out there in Blogland who look to The Pug for guidance as you attempt to navigate the treacherous racetrack of romance. So allow me to inject some much-needed STD, oops - STP, into your crankcases, as you prepare for the goal of trading in your checkered pasts for checkered flags.

Ladies, this one's for you. By reading and learning what The Pug's "hot buttons" are, you should be able to apply this lesson in the event that you find a "real man" equivalent. So here goes.

***

The 5-Things The Pug Loves to Hear on a Date

“Then what happened?”

Even though (quite pathetically) it is not, a male likes to think that his life is reasonably interesting. And while interrupting him, changing the subject, or acting bored are well-known tactics for my female readers, it’s not enough to just sit there, smile, and say, “Uh-huh” every few seconds* (* after all, this is not intercourse). Actively egg him (on) with comments like, “Wow, I never knew golf could be so very, very damned fascinating.” or “Go on ... though there's the door (and freedom from your little vignette), strangely, I appear to be glued to my seat.” That way, he’ll know you’re genuinely interested versus just wanting to sign him up for DirecTV in order to get the $50 for "turning a friend on to DirecTV".

“That’s pretty impressive.”

Maybe he almost placed in the "Darts Tourney" at the local watering hole. Or got a fleeting "Great suggestion, but we only need ONE row of Twix bars in the vending machine" kudo at work. Or figured out how to use Yoga for self-pleasure. Whatever he’s done, if he’s mentioning it on a date, he’s most likely proud of it—and if you feed his ego by listing the 5-reasons why you'll never view the world the same ever again, he may overlook the fact that you'll never say the aforementioned 3-words when he's naked.

“Thank you.”

No doubt about it, manners matter—and are sorely lacking in today’s less formal dating scene. Tap into your inner Emily Post, and maybe he will want to tap into you using his. So, thank him when he tells you that you look pretty tonight, instead of responding with, "What? Just tonight? You bastard!". And so what if he had a 2-for-1 coupon? Thank him for dinner anyway. Also thank him for the "Fireman's Carry" to your car, even if you WERE marginally sober enough to make it on your own gams. It’s so small a gesture, but what you may receive in return could be equally touching (and small).

“What do you do when you’re not at work?”

This will indicate that you are ready for a serious relationship, as this is a question that wives and other co-dependents frequently ask. And if there's 2-things a male on a date is interested in, it's commitment and a voracious interest in every single minute of his day.

“I’d like to get your opinion on something.”

We "Mr. Fix-Its" LOVE when a woman voluntarily comes to us for advice. So DO ask a challenging question. One that forces us to employ our stupendous intellects. Here's an example: "I only sleep with men when I don't care about them. But I care for you so much. However if I slept with you tonight, I wouldn't want to ever see you again. What should I do?".

Lamby - Oh, in your case there's really no need, as I know you do all the proper things already.

***

Serena - By then, cloning should be perfected AND legal. And not just for surplus body parts either. We'll be able to purchase clones of favorite celebrities for our own sick little amusement. So dating won't be necessary. Yay, technology!

***

Reverend - I also paint and sculpt. Oh crap. You acknowledged my mention of Part II. Now I have to write it. I am so screwed.

***

Corn Dog - Now all I need is for someone to put me on a Ritz.

***

Leelee - The married ones? Why waste the effort? That's like trying to impress your mom and dad with your performance in the school play. What's the point? They'll pretend they like it because they really have no choice.

***

Serena - I was there, but flying under the radar and ladies' dresses.

***

/t. - Whoa. Looks like I need to "kick it down a notch", so my appeal doesn't go beyond the "Slot-B" demographic into "Tab-A" territory!

What type of racetrack of romance are you racing on? Never would've made you out to be a NASCAR fan. Thought it's funny you should mention that women should at least prentend to be interested in what a guy has to say. I on the other hand seem to be surrounded by men who are only interested in whining about their day/life. "So how was your day dear?" or "what is new with you??" is just rethoric as you are never really get a chance to answer it because you are too busy dodging the barrage of crap that "Oh my god" happened to HIM. Probably explains why I've never been on a date. I have no patience...

and then what happened? i mean, what happened at 6:38 monday, may 28th after work? was that your car i saw parked out in front of the rubber playware for men club? what your opinion of the life-likeness appearance of your purchase? pretty impressive post. thank you.

btw i have mayden here with me..were bloggin' in a free WiFi spot in our bikinis. of course, my top is fitted with 8 cups but i hate to brag.

Serena - If they're anything like the cloned sheep I purchased, then HELL YEAH(!) they'll have working parts!

***

Lamby - Yes, I was that wolf in sheep's clothing.

***

Reverend - That'll teach you to judge a Pug by it's cover. Those "in the know", know that you have to look under the covers.

***

Girlgoyle - I'll let you in on a secret: NASCAR has little, if any, appeal for me. Life itself contains enough going in circles for yours truly.

On the other topic: as long as there's a nice bottle of vino and a pretty gal on the other side of it, I can listen to her all night (well hopefully not ALL night ... after all, there ARE other activities that are more "participatory"). No patience required.

***

She - When it comes to the "Rubber Playware Club for Men", I'm not just a founder, I'm also a client. But I would give it all up, and go legit, just for a chance to see you in a bikini. Because you are a "hottie", my former k9!

***

TFG - Yes, but only if SHE is the one wearing the bra. Don't ask me how I know ...

Serena - Owls may do the things you mentioned. But bear in mind that they also are discrete when asked to name names.

***

Reverend - Now I realize why Hollywood churns out the sequels. It has nothing to do with money, or riding a concept into the ground. It's the fans who have an unquenchable thirst for sequels. How did the date go? Did you remain chaste and pure?

***

Limpy - I do my darndest to steer conversation and the evening AWAY from talk of "Mr. Happy's" size and prowess. What male would want to cut short an evening of witty, intellectual banter, a bit of dancing, and fully clothed moonlit walks for sweaty intimacy and primal gratification? That is precisely why I wear my "Please DON'T ask me about my 14" penis" t-shirt.

***

Cathy - Not that I want to dwell on the topic of Limpy's penis, so please allow me to use a favorite joke to address your concern:

A pediatrician goes to a taxidermist, and shows him the bag of foreskins that he's collected throughout a career of performing circumcisions.

Pediatrician: "I'm retiring, and would like to have these foreskins fashioned into something that will commemerate my life's work. Can you do that?"

Taxidermist: "Sure. Come back in 4-weeks, and it'll be ready."

Four weeks pass. The pediatrician returns to the taxidermy shoppe.

The taxidermist takes out a box from the back room and hands it to the pediatrician. The box is opened, and the padding is shuffled aside to reveal a wallet.

Pediatrician: "All those foreskins? My life's work! And all you could make out of it was a WALLET?!

Seriously, those are good rules, particularly the latter ones. I haven't dated in years due to my marital status, but I knew the date was flat when all the guy did was either talk about how great he was, bombard me with drinks and talk about sex.

Enemy - I'll let you in on a dirty little secret* (* probably the only one that I have): the rules are good ones because I "borrowed" them from an actual article. But the Pug's "insights" for each rule are his own.

And jeez, who DID you date? Bob Guccione? Even the Pug in his heyday wasn't THAT obnoxious ...

Karla - The problem with your line is that it is most illogical, Captain. At that point, I wouldn't yet know the answer to that question. And once I determine the answer, there is no need to continue the dating process.

sorry pug but limpy's penis in conjunction with that joke just makes matters worse. If you rub a 14' limpy the result is likely to be something for a randy decorator to sit on whilst they paint the ceiling. I can't believe I am having this conversation!

Serena...well I don't know about you...but I'm 10% genuine wholesome. At least, that is, after I eat my toast in the morning :)

Now Puppy,I thank you for keeping your blog stuck on 27 May - the day of my glorious birth...but since YOU are ALSO a Gemini...the day of YOUR glorious birth must also be upon us soon. Happy Birthday Puppy, but getting a year older does not serve as an excuse for not posting a new bit of reading for us!!!

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The relative complexities of women's and men's fashion

Both men and women could feel the demands of maintaining their wardrobe up-to-date and in time, yet men's fashion usually seems a lot less complicated. Of program, for both sexes, clothes and style options can be equally as complex, and there are several'fashionable'things that can rapidly become fashion faux pas - who is able to say they frequently see people walking on in 70s flares? On the other side, men's fashion has a few staple things that will exist eternally - which man is planning to keep an eye out of position with a good-quality, tailored suit, for example? Select traditional pieces, colors and fabrics and you'll never look out-of-place.

Why classic men's style is amazing

The common man's suit has hardly changed for over a hundred years. True, there are several varieties for various events, however they are all popular in their quest for a smart, sharp search for the individual. The good thing about common fashion for men is that it is effectively trendy simply cool. A well-groomed lady can almost always look his sharpest in a well-tailored suit, and it is a testament to the style of such apparel. A suit will be used to work in several occupations because of the professional search it offers to the wearer, instilling a feeling of respect and trust. Equally a match will be used to many social functions, such as a tuxedo to a black-tie event. This amazing versatility which allows suits to be used in just about all events is what gives it its amazing side and a lasting invest men's fashion.

Contemporary developments in traditional men's style

Though basic men's designs will never be replaced, it is interesting to remember that shifts in men's fashion trends have brought particular classic garments back into fashion. The reputation of vintage clothing, particularly, has had back a wide-variety of classic models into men's wardrobes, such as that of the dandy gentleman. 'Dandy'is a term used to reference men who clothe themselves in a classic yet luxurious way, placing importance on appearance and operating in a sophisticated manner. This trend for nearly'over-the-top'traditional fashion for men is evident from events such as the'Tweed Run', where men and women of all ages dress yourself in notably Victorian-style clothing and take to the roads on vintage cycles - with many of the men sporting remarkable mustaches! That is just one single of many types of evidence showing the revival of such variations. There are also numerous blogs on the web which give attention to gentlemanly style - such as'The Dandy Project'and'Dandyism'- as well as complete sites such as'The Art of Manliness'specialized in providing articles on basic men's fashion and grooming.

In summary, although certain issues with common men's style may be brought back as new styles, the fundamental garments that they derive from will never fall out of fashion.

"All it takes really are a few simple clothes. And there is one key - the easier the better." - Cary Grant