WIFE: Anyone local want a perfectly good but sort of old school crock pot? It works totally fine but was given to my husband by someone I really don't like and I can't enjoy a meal made in that thing.

ME: My wife has systematically eliminated everything that I originally contributed to our household. The crock pot, which I didn't mind even though I can't stand the person either, was one of the last hold-outs. The last vestige of my bachelorhood. I think the only thing left is a paper towel holder. I'm clinging to it with all my might.

ME AGAIN: And you know, it's not cool just offering my crock pot to your Facebook friends. Shouldn't I have some say in it's future since it's MINE.

WIFE: Actually, he did use it a few times this past year to make beef stew... Still, I feel no remorse about giving away his stupid crock pot.

MY GOOD FRIEND, OFFERING SAGE ADVICE: Maybe you should offer something of yours up to throw away as a peace offering.

WIFE: Um. No.

Later that night, my wife told me that I could choose the shelter where the crock pot would be sent, but that would be the extent of my part in the decision making process.