Summary: Never Split the Difference

My book summaries are designed as captures for what I’ve read, and aren’t necessarily great standalone resources for those who have not read the book.

Their purpose is to ensure that I capture what I learn from any given text, so as to avoid realizing years later that I have no idea what it was about or how I benefited from it.

My One-Sentence Summary

This book gives you negotiating skills so good that I feel guilty telling you about them—because they can be used to seriously manipulate people.

Content Extraction

The key to negotiation is deep listening

Tactical empathy is listening specifically for the real obstacles that are stopping progress

Mirrors are used to let people know you’re empathizing with them, and to keep talking so you learn more about the situation

Labeling is when you call out the obstacles you’ve heard while listening, like saying, “It sounds like you think I’m here just for myself.”, or “What I’m hearing is that you care more about the quality then making a dollar.”

Hearing “no” is often far better than yes because it gives you information about boundaries and sensitivities

There are three kinds of yes: counterfeit, confirmation, and commitment

What you really want to hear is, “that’s right”, and you can get there partially by labeling their emotions

Pivot to non-monetary terms

Ask calibrated questions like, “How am I supposed to do that?” to get them to talk more and to learn more about the situation

Only 7 percent of a message is based on the words while 38 percent comes from the tone of voice and 55 percent from the speaker’s body language and face

When calculating final amounts, use precise non-round numbers

At the end also add in a non-financial request to show you’re finished

Find the black swan information that can help you avoid disaster and get what you’re after

You don’t rise to the occasion in negotiations; you fall to the least level of preparation.

Takeaways

Read this book once every two years

Don’t share this book with evil people; it’ll introduce harm into the world