tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-184638042016-12-08T13:41:17.493-08:00RockAss.netI go blah blah blah. You go ha ha ha.KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.comBlogger978125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18463804.post-60502253220205431592016-11-18T08:59:00.003-08:002016-11-18T08:59:20.117-08:00I GOT MERCH<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-s201EVDsghU/WC8yuGzGkMI/AAAAAAAAUjU/C59GVmTOG-4WK6CZoNN_Q96NTdmowhxaACLcB/s1600/Keith%252BShirt%252BLiz.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-s201EVDsghU/WC8yuGzGkMI/AAAAAAAAUjU/C59GVmTOG-4WK6CZoNN_Q96NTdmowhxaACLcB/s320/Keith%252BShirt%252BLiz.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-rfg8nnvOui4/WC8yuLltBuI/AAAAAAAAUjQ/tJJ1bs-5kyUsG75H0Nms0-4_AAPKTgtpQCLcB/s1600/Keith%252BShirt%252BJoe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-rfg8nnvOui4/WC8yuLltBuI/AAAAAAAAUjQ/tJJ1bs-5kyUsG75H0Nms0-4_AAPKTgtpQCLcB/s320/Keith%252BShirt%252BJoe.jpg" width="320" /></a><br /><br />Hey! I got merch.<br />For T-Shirts and stickers click on over to <a href="http://capitolcomedians.com/shop/">capitolcomedians.com/shop/</a><br /><br />For albums and comedy specials, search my name on iTunes, Amazon, or whatever your preferred platform for such things.<br /><br /><a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_2?url=search-alias%3Daps&amp;field-keywords=keith+lowell+jensen">Click here for Keith Lowell Jensen on Amazon.</a><br />KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18463804.post-33050653345132792432016-11-15T08:54:00.002-08:002016-11-15T08:57:40.063-08:00Not For Rehire EPK<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6SRz-xopwn8/WCs32hQPVOI/AAAAAAAAUdY/5yUCE4zgdEILPV5tYLCQDPehnDv6osW5gCLcB/s1600/Upcoming%2BGigs%2BNot%2BFor%2BRehire.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="146" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6SRz-xopwn8/WCs32hQPVOI/AAAAAAAAUdY/5yUCE4zgdEILPV5tYLCQDPehnDv6osW5gCLcB/s400/Upcoming%2BGigs%2BNot%2BFor%2BRehire.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div>"Keith Lowell Jensen is hilarious!" Roseanne Barr<br /><br />Not For Rehire is Keith Lowell Jensen's latest one man stand up comedy show.<br /><br />From working at a golf course for less than minimum wage to getting punched in the face by his manager to getting up to all manner of mischief with the deep fryers at KFC, Jensen has made quite a career of not having a proper career.<br /><br />"With no 401k, no savings, no retirement account, these stories are the only return on my investment." Luckily, they're very good.<br /><br />With two sold out shows so far, Not For Rehire is touring the country starting in early 2017.<br /><a href="http://keithlowelljensen.blogspot.com/2012/10/epk.html"><br /></a><a href="http://keithlowelljensen.blogspot.com/2012/10/epk.html">Click here for Keith Lowell Jensen's personal EPK with more information.</a><br /><br /><b>Photos</b><br /><a href="https://www.dropbox.com/s/ou6vpe3f21d7ol0/IMG_2606-clean.psd?dl=0">Recent headshot</a>&nbsp;by <b>Joe Hauner</b><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TdtItIqTAJ4/TZI7_r94DRI/AAAAAAAABZA/9RRSXk4vsfI/s1600/baby_banana.jpg">Banana and baby headshot</a>&nbsp;by&nbsp;<b>Kiny McCarrick</b><br /><a href="https://evbdn.eventbrite.com/s3-s3/eventlogos/21854686/keithlowelljensenheadshot1.jpg">Onstage headshot</a>&nbsp;by&nbsp;<b>Amy Scott&nbsp;</b><br /><b><br /></b>For booking information contact Joe Hauner: joehauner@gmail.com<br /><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vGEug56OQFE/WCs9ZLs-1KI/AAAAAAAAUdo/U3C9uWUCUt8L1zOFzbJMgcRSnRE3rL8swCLcB/s1600/Allie%2BYada%2BNot%2BFor%2BRehire%2Bpainting.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="398" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vGEug56OQFE/WCs9ZLs-1KI/AAAAAAAAUdo/U3C9uWUCUt8L1zOFzbJMgcRSnRE3rL8swCLcB/s400/Allie%2BYada%2BNot%2BFor%2BRehire%2Bpainting.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not For Rehire, water color by Allie Yada</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><br />KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18463804.post-38413773155031294162016-11-12T09:41:00.003-08:002016-11-12T09:42:09.294-08:00Fuck You, White Shit<span style="font-size: large;">I was standing in line at an amusement park, Disneyland or Knott's Berry Farm, I don't remember which. I was very young, maybe single digits. A group of black girls were cutting in line, and as they pushed past me racing toward the front I protested, "Hey!" </span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">One of the girls said, "Fuck you, white shit." and they continued. </span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">It hurt, it stung, bad enough that almost 4 decades later a full grown man still remembers it. I was taught that racism was the worst thing, and an accidental part of that lesson was that black people were inherently champions of racial harmony.</span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">It was wrong that that girl said that to me. My feelings of hurt were valid. </span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">Here's the thing though, when she said that to me, it was shocking. There was not a lifelong history of me questioning my worth because I was white. It wasn't one in a long series of incidences of me being put down for the color of my skin. My ethnic history was one of vikings on one side, kilts and bagpipes on the other, coming to America, not one of my people being dragged here in bondage. I was surrounded by other white people as I felt this hurt. I wasn't a lone white face in a sea of darker faces feeling alone in my anger and betrayal. I didn't watch movies and cartoons every day full of faces that didn't resemble my own. There was little to no chance that an authority figure at the park was going to take her side based on her being black and me being white.</span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">So yeah, it was lame and it fits a definition of racism, but it isn't what we talk about when discuss the racism that we struggle with. It doesn't help that cause, it certainly hurts it, and it is a problem, but it's not "The struggle".</span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">That little girl was being an asshole. I wish I could thank her for giving me a tiny, little glimpse at what it feels like to be made to feel bad about the color of your skin, and years later helping me understand just how tiny that glimpse was.</span>KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18463804.post-69731491769501776552016-08-30T21:07:00.003-07:002016-08-30T21:07:49.769-07:00My latest meme is going nuts<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-CscaqOvyJ7M/V8ZX0hfW2UI/AAAAAAAAT2o/fb4WajgOUswJNZuVDHC0edrtexG5duShwCLcB/s1600/FB_IMG_1472616334136.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-CscaqOvyJ7M/V8ZX0hfW2UI/AAAAAAAAT2o/fb4WajgOUswJNZuVDHC0edrtexG5duShwCLcB/s400/FB_IMG_1472616334136.jpg" width="367" /></a></div>KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18463804.post-27771362946092153272016-08-30T09:53:00.000-07:002016-08-31T12:42:21.086-07:00A response to Tom Woods<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Oj68RlYv9Hg/V8W3fz3N_YI/AAAAAAAAT2Q/V3SIIOxYhSonfyudl189owdXTey_XQzQwCLcB/s1600/Butterflies%2Bare%2Bfree.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Oj68RlYv9Hg/V8W3fz3N_YI/AAAAAAAAT2Q/V3SIIOxYhSonfyudl189owdXTey_XQzQwCLcB/s320/Butterflies%2Bare%2Bfree.jpg" width="320" /></a><br /><span style="font-size: large;">Tom Woods of The Tom Woods Show responded to an old meme of mine that has been making the rounds again.</span><br /><span style="font-size: large;">You can read his post about the meme here:</span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://tomwoods.com/blog/libertarianism-has-been-refuted/">http://tomwoods.com/blog/libertarianism-has-been-refuted/</a></span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">And here is my reply:</span><br /><div style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><b><span style="font-size: large;">"I think he actually believes he’s refuted our whole outlook."</span></b><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">Well, I don't. </span><br /><span style="font-size: large;">I made an admittedly flippant joke based on a funny conversation that happened between me and my daughter. Like any of my jokes, it's meant to be a jumping off point for dialogue. I don't think quite so highly about my jokes. This is the problem with the tone of most of the current crop of critiques of this meme, assuming I'm some smug asshole and then continuing to assume the worst about me in the light of that, as I'll get to in a minute. The truth is I'm very interested in politics, have friends all over the spectrum and often engage in spirited debate with libertarian friends, we of course have many beliefs in common also. </span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><b><br /></b> <b>"I’ll be a sport about this and disregard the creep factor – threatening his four-year-old with violent death, and then telling us with morbid satisfaction that she hasn’t spoken about her freedom since.</b></span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><b><br /></b> <b>No wonder this guy loves the state. His scare tactics are pretty much the same as what the Bush Administration pulled after 9/11."</b></span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">Only, you weren't a sport, and you didn't ignore it, you implied I abused my kid.</span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">Again, this relies on you having already assumed I'm a terrible person. I talk about a lot about my relationship with my daughter in my comedy, and she is a bright, strong, awesome kid. At no point in this conversation did she think that daddy would hurt her or put her in danger. A four year old, in case you haven't known many of them, is quite capable of play and pretend and being silly. Most four year olds, certainly this one, know their father's general behavior and disposition and are used to flights of fancy. I also sometimes tell her I'm going to eat her nose. This too is a heinous threat, yes? She runs away giggling and gets a lie ready, so that she can make her nose grow back, Pinochio style. She usually goes with "I don't like cookies." In case I'm not clear, she doesn't really think I'm going to eat her nose, nor does she think lying really makes noses grow, nor did she for one moment think her extremely safety conscious and loving father would drive recklessly and endanger her life. </span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">This meme has been around for quite some time and only this week has anyone ever saw it as my actually threatening her. As I've said already, I think you really have to decide that, because I make a flippant joke about my disagreement with your philosophy, I'm a real prick and then view it through that lens to arrives at such a ridiculous point. Unfortunately I have now had libertarians on Twitter threaten me with bodily harm, one even posting a picture of me with a spray of poorly photoshopped streams of blood in place of my head. The picture was one of me and my daughter and when I repeatedly asked that it be removed and her left out of our fight, I was told that what I did to her was worse. Now, I do know that "Two wrongs make a right" is not part of libertarian philosophy. A shame it was employed repeatedly. The irony is, Libertarians threatening me with violence really strengthens my gratitude for the protections the state provides. Two libertarians friends were very quick to tell me that this behavior is not in line with libertarianism and the non-agression principle, and this is true of course, but to my thinking it was too easy for those who threatened me to excuse it as retaliatory or justified by painting themselves as protecting my daughter from her horrible abusive father.</span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">And where do I say we haven't spoken about freedom since? We speak about it regularly. &nbsp;You are projecting something on here I didn't say. "She hasn't yelled at me" doesn't mean we've stopped speaking. Yelling and speaking are two different things, a point many on both sides of this debate need to learn.</span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">NOTE: Tom Woods did edit his post to remove the part about me being a child abuser. Sadly, he didn't apologize or note the edit on the actual post. He posted this to Twitter:<br /></span><br /><br /><blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"><div dir="ltr" lang="en"><a href="https://twitter.com/keithlowell">@keithlowell</a> But I'd react angrily if someone implied any such thing about my treatment of my girls, so I've taken that portion out, FWIW.</div>— Tom Woods (@ThomasEWoods) <a href="https://twitter.com/ThomasEWoods/status/771065857803972608">August 31, 2016</a></blockquote><script async="" charset="utf-8" src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><br /><b style="font-size: x-large;">I won't try to quote the next part as there are many examples of how Libertarians do adhere by agreed upon rules.</b><span style="font-size: large;"> I know this, of course. My meme was actually about a public rule on a public road, not a private rule on a private road. Sincere question; do you, in an ideal society, see public roads existing?</span><br /><span style="font-size: large;">What's funny is maybe a quarter of the responses I get from Libertarians tell me they do in fact disagree with traffic laws, and they often include links to articles about small towns, particularly one in Germany, where traffic signs have been completely done away with. </span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <b><span style="font-size: large;">"On top of this, he thinks it’s valid to argue like this: my four-year-old wants to do something she shouldn’t, so therefore the government should treat all of us like four-year-olds, forever."</span></b><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">Yeah. Unfortunately too many of us do indeed behave like four-year-olds. Exhibit A, the people who came to threaten me with physical harm on Twitter last night. I believe their posts are still up if you'd like to go to my account and look under "Tweets and replies" to verify my claims. I think this gets at the heart of our differences. I don't have the faith in the bulk of humanity that you have, and I question what in history justifies your faith. I do also see the history of violence on the part of the state, but much like the harm done by combustion engines, I think it's unrealistic to think we'd go backwards. I look at the Scandinavian model, and I see a way forward. I see countries with a high quality of living and real liberty that isn't tread upon by the oppression of nature, starvation, predation, and other things that had our life expectancy so low before we organized into what became states. </span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">For the record, I don't think I just successfully refuted libertarianism here anymore than I did when I made that joke. I do think I shared some of my thoughts with you, and some of you will politely share your own thoughts and we'll have a conversation, the kind of conversation that has actually changed minds, mine included. I arrived at my current beliefs through reading and having discussions, and its quite a ways from the beliefs I grew up with.</span><br /><span style="font-size: large;">I'm not a bad guy or a smug asshole, and I won't even bother to defend the joke. I make a lot of jokes, and this isn't even one that ever made it onto one of my albums or specials. Some people like it, the meme keeps going around, some people demonize me as a child abusing know it all, it goes around some more. There is no need and no point in demonizing me.</span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">I welcome anyone who wishes to reply here. After the harassment last night and the very disturbing use of a picture of me and my daughter, I will not engage on this matter in a forum where I don't have some controls to protect against such behavior. Threats, name calling and other ad hominem attacks will be deleted. Thanks.</span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">More on my views regarding libertarianism can be found here:&nbsp;<a href="http://keithlowelljensen.blogspot.com/2014/03/why-im-not-libertarian.html?showComment=1424976760522#c576776851386184296">Why I'm Not a Libertarian</a></span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">Here's another old meme:</span><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-I39-Eh8aD5E/V8W5yeHycJI/AAAAAAAAT2Y/zuPwmuvoV4Er9r9fCvbhH6R5l_Y7Hz_bQCLcB/s1600/I%2Bdont%2Bhit%2Bmy%2Bkid.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="297" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-I39-Eh8aD5E/V8W5yeHycJI/AAAAAAAAT2Y/zuPwmuvoV4Er9r9fCvbhH6R5l_Y7Hz_bQCLcB/s400/I%2Bdont%2Bhit%2Bmy%2Bkid.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br /><br /><br />KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18463804.post-9414144020781108552016-08-03T13:24:00.000-07:002016-09-12T09:54:17.694-07:00Mike Gribble <span style="font-size: large;">I had a boss named Mike Gribble. </span><br /><span style="font-size: large;">He was as close to a wizard as I've ever met.</span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">He is the Mike in Spike and Mike's Festival of Animation. Dale Gribble on King Of The Hill is named for him. He is the one who put me on stage, literally pushed me out there. My first stand up performance was me impersonating Mike, including having the audience join me in wiggling our fingers above our heads and then slowly lowering them down to magically start the cartoon show.</span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">When I wasn't performing magic under Mike's tutelage, there was much debauchery as an employee of Spike and Mike. Many girls were kissed, many drugs were consumed, so many laws were broken, with occasional breaks for falafel and reading.</span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">I went from spending a night in jail in Chicago to helping trash a hotel room in Seattle and getting busted for it to getting caught by Mike sitting on my ass on a college campus where I was supposed to be working all in the span of 48 hours.</span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">Mike drove me up into the hills where I thought maybe he was gonna kill me, or more likely knock me around a bit. He was really mad. I was fired at least, I was sure.</span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">Instead he gave me an impassioned talking to about him and Spike's business/dream and about how to live and how not to live and he implored me not to waste this life that was so precious. He told me there was no reason to waste his time or mine unless I wanted to be part of this magic thing. He invited me to be part of the magic, or to go find some magic of my own. Life wasn't for getting one over on someone.</span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">Back at the corporate apartment we were staying at he repeated this speech for the other flyer guys. Mike stood there, 6' 4" tall, long purple beard, in front of a wall of window with the sun setting beyond the Puget Sound behind him and he gave this beautiful sermon. He was bigger than life. Then he bought us all pizza and we picked a movie to watch.</span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">Later, in Riverside, CA, Mike and I went out to see a flick and after he drove around aimlessly talking to me about women, and love, and how getting laid may be great but really loving someone and having an amazing relationship was better. I told him I agreed, and that I wasn't the player he knew me as, that I was just getting over a broken heart. A couple days later I was excited to introduce him to my best friend Bryna who'd just recently become my girlfriend.</span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">We were at a party after the last show of the Riverside run. Bryna told me she thought Mike was sick. I told her he was just tired. She said, "No. Look at his girlfriend's face. Something is wrong." I didn't think much of it.</span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">A short time later I was living in Sacramento and my brother Erick called to ask me if I'd heard that Mike had died. I hadn't.</span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">I think of Mike daily. I try to live his words, because they were good words. I wish I could tell him, I wish I could show him, and make him proud of me. I thought of Mike as Peter Pan to a big crew of Lost Boys and even a few Lost Girls, but Mike wasn't afraid of growing up, he encouraged it, because he knew that it didn't have to mean giving up.</span>KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18463804.post-24158632881745373782016-01-18T13:52:00.003-08:002016-03-04T14:11:05.953-08:00Bad Comedy For Bad People, live taping<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mz3pA9A2LPY/Vp1ej8ps3pI/AAAAAAAASNw/FT6lUuTnz90/s1600/klj200.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mz3pA9A2LPY/Vp1ej8ps3pI/AAAAAAAASNw/FT6lUuTnz90/s400/klj200.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>Tickets are up for sale!<br />My event page at the venue's website isn't built yet, so you have to look at the events by date page and click "Buy" on Bad Comedy For Bad People, Feb, 27th. <br />Here:&nbsp;<a href="https://www.harriscenter.net/online/default.asp">https://www.harriscenter.net/online/default.asp</a><br />It is assigned seating, so act quick to get the best seats, though honestly, there isn't a bad seat in this venue.KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18463804.post-25688673195107703382016-01-11T07:41:00.002-08:002016-08-30T10:29:58.091-07:00When I was a kid, if you liked Bowie, we could be friendsI first heard David Bowie when my brother said, "Hey check out this video. This dude totally kisses another dude!" That was DJ from Lodger.<br /><br />Later I would roller skate to Let's Dance, and China Girl.<br /><br />I remember the Halloween my brother John dressed as Screaming Lord Byron from the video for Blue Jean.<br /><br />My family split in half when we came to Northern California and my three older brothers stayed behind. On my first visit back I was left alone with my brother Erick's records. I played Space Oddity over and over.<br /><br />My brother Edward came up to stay with us for awhile in Roseville and we'd sit in the garage so he could smoke. We'd play Changes over and over. That Christmas Edward gave me copies of Lodger and Never Let Me Down on cassette tape.<br /><br />I was having a hard time making friends in Roseville, but when another kid complimented my David Bowie t-shirt I invited him over to watch Labrynth on cable. That's how Billy Russell became my best friend.<br /><br />When I met Bryna, Hunky Dory (the first album she bought with her own money as a kid) was on constant rotation.<br /><br />Then I lived with Chris Sirhc and much Bowie was played, particularly The Man Who Sold The World.<br /><br />Just recently I went though his entire catalog in order and renewed my fandom discovering much in his later albums to love, particularly Earthling.<br /><br />My boss and I bonded over a mutual love of all things Bowie.<br /><br />Just yesterday I told my wife I'd play the new album for her on Spotify. <br /><br />I thought we'd have Bowie in our world a lot longer. He's always been there, patron saint of freaks. It's hard to imagine that he's gone and impossible to express just what he has meant to us.KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18463804.post-72245817740461224162015-12-11T08:55:00.002-08:002015-12-11T09:02:40.060-08:00Pretty Rough<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1C5IlC_GhOk/Vmr_2ssCoWI/AAAAAAAARNQ/TUhrJ_P_geQ/s1600/KLJ%2Bat%2BCrocker.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1C5IlC_GhOk/Vmr_2ssCoWI/AAAAAAAARNQ/TUhrJ_P_geQ/s320/KLJ%2Bat%2BCrocker.jpg" width="240" /></a>Last night Johnny Taylor Jr. and I performed at The Crocker Art Museum. Yeah, we fancy. At the early show half the audience was really into it, and the other seemed like maybe they were checking out stand up comedy for the first time, now that it was in a real center of culture and all. <br /><br />In between shows, I was confronted by an older woman who told me, "Your jokes were pretty rough."<br />I asked her, "What do you mean by rough?"<br />"Well you were talking about penises and bananas with condoms on them and a little boy."<br />I said, "Woah!!! That is a gross misrepresentation of that joke! I told a true story about trying to be responsible, making sure my 13 year old nephew had information about safe sex."<br />"Why? Why would you tell a 13 year old those things?" she asked, with dismay in her voice.<br />"As I said in the joke, this 13 year old, we were led to believe, was sexually active. And it's just information. Kids should have information. I'm actually really proud of that joke and how graphic it is in the information it shares."<br />"You should have just told him not to do it."<br />"Not to do it!? That doesn't work! The people in those flyover states that we don't care about, they were gracious enough to do an experiment with abstinence only education and guess what, their teen pregnancy and STD rates are off the charts, but listen, I don't think you object to my comedy. I think we have a philosophical difference and you're mad that my act didn't cater specifically to your beliefs."<br />She snapped back, "You don't even know me!" <br />I said, "Yeah! Which is why it's so absurd for you to think my act was gonna be tailor made for you. Listen, you look around this museum. You're gonna see a lot of art, and some of it you're not gonna like and the artists... they're probably not going to care what you think. It's been a pleasure talking to you."<br /><br />The second show we straight murdered.<br /><br /><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/mqohZZRJ0tk" width="560"></iframe>KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18463804.post-53923554923174349522015-11-16T11:03:00.002-08:002015-11-16T11:03:43.354-08:00See a penny, pick it up...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qfnGoM-b4O8/VkoodeGMUFI/AAAAAAAAQk8/5tK75ODZQM8/s1600/superstitious.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qfnGoM-b4O8/VkoodeGMUFI/AAAAAAAAQk8/5tK75ODZQM8/s400/superstitious.png" width="400" /></a></div>I'm a skeptic.<br />This doesn't mean I'm completely immune to they psychological effects of superstition.<br />Walking down the street, I spied a quarter. I picked it up. I put it in my pocket. I went on to have a really terrible 24 hours, just the worst day.<br />I was grumbling back down the same street where I'd found the quarter the day before, and when I came to the spot where the quarter had been, I stopped, took it out of my pocket and placed it right back again where I'd found it.<br />The streak of misery ended.<br />Over the next year I probably passed up a good couple of cups of coffee worth of change as I refused to pick up abandoned coinage on my frequent walks. I'd tricked my brain into shaking off the negativity but had picked up a superstition in the process.<br />Then I started picking up coins again.<br />You see, I'd had another bad day, and found myself wishing I had a bad luck quarter in my pocket so that I could put it back where I got it and get myself back on the right track.<br /><br />KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18463804.post-80688496742566813932015-09-21T13:48:00.001-07:002015-09-21T15:21:40.284-07:00This Bernie Supporter's Ten Honest Answers to Ten Honest QuestionsI found this article titled:<br /><h1 class="fl-post-title" itemprop="headline" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.4; margin: 0px 0px 10px;"><a href="http://www.dailynewsbin.com/news/ten-honest-questions-id-like-every-bernie-sanders-supporter-to-answer/21570/">Ten honest questions I’d like every Bernie Sanders supporter to answer</a></h1>1. If Elizabeth Warren were in the race, most of you would be supporting her instead. If neither Warren nor Bernie were in the race, most of you would be supporting Martin O’Malley despite knowing nothing about him. How are we supposed to take your endorsement of Bernie seriously when you appear to be simply backing him because he’s not Hillary?<br /><br /><b>Yeah, if Warren were in I'd support her. I'd support Hillary before O'Malley though. But I imagine there are people who'd prefer O'Malley to Hillary. It's almost like people are voting for the person who best represents their views and Hillary might not be in the top 3 positions on that list for some of them.&nbsp;</b><br /><br />2. Do you honestly believe that Bernie would do well with foreign policy? Do you think he’d really be able to get congressmen of either party to vote for any of his initiatives once they see that he’s not willing to compromise even a little? Are you envisioning a scenario in which President Bernie would be able to get anything accomplished at all? Even his most prominent supporters like Noam Chomsky have acknowledged he would get nothing done in office. Are you so enamored with the very idea of a protest candidate winning, you wouldn’t care that he’d be ineffective?<br /><br /><b>I'm a bit emboldened perhaps by Obama getting as much done as he has even with the House and Senate he has, but I suggest you look into Bernie's history or even just listen to him more than you seem to have. He is an adept politician, no stranger to politics or to compromise.<br />And to be honest, I'm more concerned about what he'd stop from happening at this point given the extreme platform of the modern GOP.&nbsp;</b><br /><br />3. Are you unable to understand national polls, or do you just like to ignore them because they reveal that your guy is losing by thirty-eight points within his own party?<br /><br /><b>Do you just pick your candidate by who seems to be winning? Bernie has been gaining ground. He may win a couple of early primaries and the effect of that might further close that gap on the national scene. Or I might campaign for the candidate I am passionate about, and if he loses, take the loss like an adult and decide what to do from there.</b><br /><br />4. Are you under the impression that the people showing up to Bernie’s rallies each get more than one vote? Is that how you think he closes the gap? Or have you intentionally saturated yourself so thoroughly with people voting for your guy that you’ve honestly forgotten the vast majority of the nation says they favor someone else?<br /><br /><b>Yes. OMG? You mean, you don't get extra votes when you attend a Bernie rally? WTF?! (See answer to #3, and quit being an asshole.)</b><br /><br />5. Do you understand that Bernie’s refusal to take traditional SuperPAC money means that even if he did get the nomination, he’d be outspent ten to one by his republican opponent? Are you aware that moderates and undecideds make their decisions based primarily on television ads, which are the most expensive part of any campaign? Do you get that nearly every ad would be for the republican? Do you get that he’d almost certainly lose? Would you really rather Bernie get the nomination and lose, than Hillary get the nomination and win? Because that’s how it looks to the rest of us.<br /><br /><b>Yeah. We understand. Do you get that for many of us it's one our favorite things about him, and that the world is changing fast? We are becoming the media. The GOP is not putting forward a serious candidate. If ever there was a time when this could happen it's now, (and also several other times in a our history when a dark horse candidate won.)<br />Are YOU suggesting the Democratic establishment as well as all the registered Democrats aren't going to pull together behind Bernie if he gets the nomination?&nbsp;</b><br /><br />6. Why do you spend more time pushing crazy lies about Hillary than you do talking up Bernie’s ideas? Bernie himself has made it clear that he thinks highly of Hillary, and he scolds any reporters who try to get him to trash her. If you’re primarily supporting him because you think lowly of her, have you considered the extent of the disconnect between you and your candidate? Has it occurred to you that if Bernie heard you talking about Hillary the way you talk about her, he’d angrily tell you off?<br /><br /><b>But I don't. I actually follow Bernie's lead on this one. As do most of his supporters. Why would you let the loudest and most obnoxious followers of any group represent the majority?&nbsp;</b><br /><br />7. Do you really think that Bernie’s strong showing in New Hampshire, a tiny state five minutes from where he lives, where he’s been locally popular for decades, is representative of the nation? Do you really think that New Hampshire’s four electoral votes will make a difference in this primary? And again, do you not know how to read national polls, or do you just like ignoring them because those polls reveal that your guy’s candidacy is already finished?<br /><br /><b>This should have been 8 (sort of) Honest Questions, since this is the third time you're asking this one. I'm curious why you're so interested in what we think if you're so sure this race is already over...</b><br /><br />8. Do you get that you’re supporting Bernie for essentially the same reason that conservatives are supporting Donald Trump? Do you realize that both men are basing their campaigns entirely on “government sucks, the system sucks, both parties suck, politicians are idiots and a trained rat could do better, and I’m just that trained rat.” Do you not understand the parallels between your desire to stomp your feet at Bernie’s generic indignance, and conservatives’s desire to stomp their feet at Trump’s generic indignance? Does that not embarrass you?<br /><br /><b>Do you get that Bernie is a life long politician? Do you?&nbsp;</b><br /><br />9. Most of you supporting Bernie are also fans of Obama. Seeing how Obama has all but endorsed Hillary, and how Obama sees her as his natural successor, don’t you find it odd that you’re instead rooting against her – even as you still try to take credit for supporting Obama? How does that make you any different from the republicans who try to take credit for Obama’s accomplishments while insisting he should be replaced by republican?<br /><br /><b>I disagree with Obama on many things. I am a fan of some of his stances and accomplishments. It's almost like I have a nuanced view and it's not a "For him or against him" situation. I'm also not rooting against Hillary. I have some problems with Bernie's voting record. A few. I have many more with Hillary's. If she becomes the nominee I will vote for her as I believe she is better than anyone the GOP is offering up, by far. I'm very glad that Bernie, and more importantly the support he's garnered, is pushing her further to the left.&nbsp;</b><br /><br />10. And the only question that truly matters: when Hillary becomes the democratic party nominee, will you pout and stay home on election day and hand the nation back to the republicans? Or will you show up and vote for Hillary because you know she’s the far better of the two candidates? While none of us understand why you’re supporting a less-qualified protest candidate whose ideas aren’t realistic and who can’t win anyway, we’re really only going to judge you based on what you do on election day. So when it’s Hillary vs Jeb TrumpCruz, what’s it going to be?<br /><br /><b>If those are my choices, I will vote for Hillary. You're worried about her beating them even as you're so sure of her beating Sanders? Weird.&nbsp;</b><br /><b><br /></b>KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18463804.post-59467507533011170132015-09-11T15:42:00.000-07:002015-10-06T09:43:56.667-07:00Delivery: Comedy fresh to you<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4lQNNh_fblg/VfNYQog-VjI/AAAAAAAAOeI/wAXuH8eyPsI/s1600/Delivery.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4lQNNh_fblg/VfNYQog-VjI/AAAAAAAAOeI/wAXuH8eyPsI/s320/Delivery.jpg" width="309" /></a><br /><ul><li>Having a night in with your favorite guy or gal?</li><li>Need to spice up a party?</li><li>Tired of your spouse’s lame old jokes?</li><li>Or just sitting at home feeling lonely?</li></ul><b>Order a comedy show!</b><br />It’s affordable! It’s easy! <br />Call and order a comedy show today.<br /><br /><b>Keith Lowell Jensen and Johnny Taylor</b> will come to you with a 20 minute stand up comedy show. We provide the sound, the lights, and the hilariousness. All you do is sit back and laugh. <br /><br /><b>Funny Comedy Subjects include:</b><br /><ul><li>Anxiety!</li><li>Despair!</li><li>Suicidal Impulses!</li><li>Cute Kids Saying The Darndest Things!</li><li>Farts!</li></ul><b>Order Now!&nbsp;</b><br />Dates currently available: November 6, November 7<br />6pm - 2am<br />Now taking orders for November 6th, 7th, Sacramento:<br />Call/text: 470.839.joke<br />Email: ComedyDelivery@gmail.com<br />(Ask about our VIP package.)<br />Delivery zone includes the following zip codes: 95811, 95814, 95816, 95818, 95817, 95819<br /><br /><br /><b>Just $20!&nbsp;</b><br />Yes, you read that right! Just $20 will bring the awesomeness to your couch, backyard, garage, tool shed, trailer, van, etc.<br />(Tips cheerfully accepted)<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-u93lVtLMuA8/VhL3aC3Hf_I/AAAAAAAAPIk/9LvUFEkYNOo/s1600/21672620518_94cb2a37b1_k.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="296" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-u93lVtLMuA8/VhL3aC3Hf_I/AAAAAAAAPIk/9LvUFEkYNOo/s400/21672620518_94cb2a37b1_k.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18463804.post-4669814817116186422015-08-21T13:34:00.002-07:002015-08-21T13:34:25.187-07:00I will deliver<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BCZy69ZrSQI/VdeLPl1wBoI/AAAAAAAANpM/hD3H-ou8_xA/s1600/albums.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BCZy69ZrSQI/VdeLPl1wBoI/AAAAAAAANpM/hD3H-ou8_xA/s320/albums.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>I don't have a gig tonight, SO... <br /><br />I will deliver.<br /><br />If you live within a few minutes of the downtown/midtown Sacramento area. I will drive further for large orders.<br /><br />You may order any of my DVDs or CDs and I will deliver them to you, and take a picture with you.<br /><br />No delivery fee, though I do accept tips.<br /><br />Deliveries start at 8pm. I accept cash, checks, all major credit cards.<br /><br />Yes. This is silly, but I totally mean it.<br /><br />MENU: <br />To The Moon, CD: My first album, recorded at Luna's about 5 years ago $10<br /><br />Cats Made of Rabbits, CD or DVD, recorded at The Sacramento Comedy Spot $10 or $15<br /><br />Elf Orgy, CD, recorded at SF Punch Line $10<br /><br />Atheist Christmas, CD and DVD, my latest, 2 full shows, recorded at SF Punch Line San Francisco and Sac Comedy Spot. $15KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18463804.post-77747306680915276962015-08-04T12:55:00.001-07:002015-08-04T12:57:34.746-07:00Happy Louis Armstrong's Birthday!It's Louis Armstrong's Birthday... probably.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0UKTRMyopvQ/VcEYRbsdDdI/AAAAAAAAM7A/bjVBhS1ZP0k/s1600/Louis%2BArmstrong.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0UKTRMyopvQ/VcEYRbsdDdI/AAAAAAAAM7A/bjVBhS1ZP0k/s320/Louis%2BArmstrong.jpg" width="239" /></a></div><br />Here are just a few of the reasons why he was one of the coolest people ever.<br /><br /><b>1. Played</b> with such beauty, heart, and soul he could actually play the racism out of a person's heart. No, for real. A lawyer involved in Brown VS Board of Education describes how hearing Armstrong play changed his views forever. Read more here: <a href="https://rhapsodyinbooks.wordpress.com/2009/05/17/brown-v-board-of-education-the-unwitting-contribution-of-louis-armstrong/">https://rhapsodyinbooks.wordpress.com/2009/05/17/brown-v-board-of-education-the-unwitting-contribution-of-louis-armstrong/</a><br /><br /><b>2. He</b> was being sent around the world by the State Dept. as a musical ambassador but cancelled a tour of The Soviet Union, criticizing Eisenhower's handling of desegregation in Little Rock. He used very strong language and took much heat for it, but refused to back down.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QCxDda7ph6E/VcEYWIAGBeI/AAAAAAAAM7I/FNUqVHu9NfY/s1600/Louis_Armstrong_%25281955%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QCxDda7ph6E/VcEYWIAGBeI/AAAAAAAAM7I/FNUqVHu9NfY/s320/Louis_Armstrong_%25281955%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><b>3. Upon</b>&nbsp;being told his racially integrated band could not play in his home town of New Orleans, he announced he'd never play there again, and would not be buried there either.<br /><br /><b>4. When</b> doctors told him it was time to retire, he said no. It seems he didn't see much point in living a bit longer if it was to be without playing music.<br /><br /><b>5. West</b> End Blues. Possibly the most influential jazz recording of all time.<br /><br /><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/4WPCBieSESI" width="420"></iframe><br /><br />Pops, Dipper, Satch, Satchmo, Satchelmouth Louis Armstrong. I'll be listening to him all day. I hope you'll join me. Feel free to share your favorite songs of his in the comments.KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18463804.post-2392663262318743942015-05-28T12:07:00.001-07:002015-05-28T13:52:55.293-07:00How Patreon WorksMy audience is spread out over the globe. I'm stoked when I can actually reach people to perform live, but there's only so much of that I can do, what with me actually wanting to be present for my kid's childhood and all. Youtube is a great way for me to entertain beyond where I can physically reach, and Patreon is a great way to actually make a career out of that.<br /><br />The way Patreon works:<br /><br />People sign up to be patrons, and pledge to pay me every time I upload a stand up comedy video. Usually, a buck a video. Everyone gets to see the stand up videos, whether they sponsor me or not. It just allows those who can and want to help out to do so.<br /><br />Patrons can limit how much they get billed a month. I aim to make 4 videos a month. You can limit your pay out to $4 max a month, you can even limit it to $1 max a month.<br /><br />As a reward I post one video a month (or more) just for Patrons, and I don't charge for that one.<br /><br />I like living in the future.<br /><br />You can find my Patreon page at: <a href="https://www.patreon.com/keithlowelljensen">https://www.patreon.com/keithlowelljensen</a><br />Check out my stand up videos at: <a href="http://youtube.com/klfly">http://youtube.com/klfly</a>KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18463804.post-56447854627355686312015-05-20T19:57:00.002-07:002015-05-20T20:01:40.610-07:00The Banana StoryI'm getting weekly videos up online again. You can help keep this happenings, and help improve the quality, and also get to see exclusive content. More information at <a href="http://patreon.com/keithlowelljensen">Http://Patreon.com/keithlowelljensen</a><br /><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/mqohZZRJ0tk" width="560"></iframe><br />KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18463804.post-51146346023295608612015-05-19T13:23:00.002-07:002015-05-19T13:26:51.435-07:00Trigger Warnings<b>I tweeted about a news story on Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson, and in doing so I included a "trigger warning" along with the link which resulted in the following exchange (My replies in bold):</b><br /><br />He sucks. but dude "trigger warning" come on, you're a comedian. cut that shit out.<br /><br /><b>Why? What could possibly wrong with letting people know that I'm linking to graphic descriptions of violence? And what does it have to do with me being a comedian?</b><br /><b>My dad, a strong, intelligent man, can have his day ruined by 'Nam footage. He suffered trauma</b><br /><b>It's wrong to help him avoid this?</b><br /><br />Comedians and free speech go hand in hand. this guys a dick. people should be told he's a dick. when you have to give a warning about it you're just giving power to people to stop you from speaking your mind down the road<br /><br /><b>Wrong. Letting people who've suffered trauma make informed choices didn't stop me from linking that story.</b><br /><b>The warning wasn't about calling him a dick. It was warning victims of violent trauma about graphic descriptions of violence.</b><br /><b>The backlash against it feels like shaming them for being susceptible to triggers.</b><br /><br />Some songs make me cry, do I need a warning for them? the world is tough, things will upset people, it sucks, but it happens.<br /><br /><b>You crying at a sad song is the same as what a victim of violent trauma suffers? Shaming, belittling. You know any such victims?</b><br /><br />Not being able to report a story because it might upset someone is bordering on a creepy factor i don't understand.<br /><br /><b>Also, you still have failed to support the idea that it will limit what I can say in any way.</b><br /><b>Straw man. I did report the story.</b><br /><b>And the warning made it easier to do so, not harder.</b><br /><br />I just don't get it. should every news paper and news channel need a trigger warning?<br />Do you have to give trigger warnings now before jokes? when i see comedians or anyone talk I expect I might be offended. NBD.<br /><br /><b>You don't "have" to do anything. When you're able to, and choose to, it's a kind and considerate action.</b><br /><b>My act never has long, drawn out descriptions of violence. If it did, I'd probably warn people.</b><br /><b>In fact, when I hosted Spike and Mike's Festival of Animation, I did warn people, and my warning was funny.</b><br /><b>NPR often gives one. It's great. I don't see the harm. It allows them more freedom to deliver the hard news.</b><br /><b>You compare being offended to what a victims of violent trauma experience. Again, belittling. Do you know anyone suffering PTSD?</b><br /><br />Yes. And there's no escaping words/articles/pictures. We have to help people because you can't constantly be sheltered.<br /><br /><b>Sure. And when you're able to let someone know what's ahead, do so. I still don't see the harm in a friendly warning.</b><br /><br />There's always something that will offend someone. Where does it end?<br />Yesterday a group was asking for people to do jazz hands cuz clapping was causing anxiety. Maybe I'm dumb, I just don't get it<br /><br /><b>You're talking about offense again. Straw man. I never warned people they might be offended. That's not what trigger means.</b><br /><b>Yesterday other people were building sidewalk ramps to make my city more accessible. Some efforts are good, some not...</b><br /><b>I thought we were talking about trigger warnings?</b><br /><b><br /></b><b>And that's where it ends. Please note, I did correct some grammar and one major typo to make it more readable. You can read it on Twitter if you wish, HERE:&nbsp;<a href="https://twitter.com/keithlowell/status/580751725746753536">https://twitter.com/keithlowell/status/580751725746753536</a></b>KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18463804.post-57187660990952201812015-05-13T19:59:00.000-07:002015-05-20T20:01:15.096-07:00The Workout RoomPosting videos weekly. Support this effort, and you'll be rewarded with exclusive content.<br />More information here: http://patreon.com/keithlowelljensen<br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/nueOvYYG8ac" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br />KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18463804.post-38678193053621034082015-04-14T12:08:00.003-07:002015-04-14T12:08:20.727-07:00Guess my dad's more of a Tupac guy. My dad was at Wendy's. He told the girl he wanted his meal "Large".<br />She asked, "You mean biggie?"<br />He answered, "The largest size you have." <br />Her, "Biggie?" <br />Dad, "Yes." <br />Her, "Yes, what?"<br />Dad, "Yes, I want the largest size you have."<br />Her, "You mean Biggie?"<br />Dad, "Yes."<br />Her, "Yes what?"<br />Dad, "I'm not gonna fucking say it."<br />Her "... will that be for here or to go, sir?"KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18463804.post-67050403500411676752015-04-14T11:51:00.002-07:002015-04-15T09:29:05.383-07:00SnapperMy buddy, Craig, asked me, "Are you on Snap Chat."<br /><br />I Said, "No." and then I asked "Should I be?" and I asked this before even asking what it was because I have an irrational fear of there being a thing that I'm not on.<br /><br />Craig explained it to me. "It's fantastic. Women send you naked pictures." <br /><br />I said, "This sounds like a great app." <br /><br />He explained, "The picture is only on the screen for a few seconds and you can't save 'em. The app turns off your screen cap so you can't do that either."<br /><br />I said, "Craig, that sounds brilliant."<br /><br />And then my friend showed me the elaborate set up he rigged for using snap chat. "So look here, I have my tablet run into this large monitor. The pics appear there in all their glory. I keep my iPhone at the ready, and I take a pic of the pic on the monitor. I now have a huge collection of hot as hell nude pics stored away for a rainy day, a horny rainy day. What do you think?"<br /><br />And I said, "Craig, you're what's wrong with the world. These women are kind enough to bare their bodies for you, and you ignore the conditions you agreed to under which they gave you this gift. That's so dishonest. You know creepy behavior like this and creepy men like you are why women need technology like this in the first place in order to feel safe and secure, and creepy guys like you are why it will ultimately fail. You make all of us less and less likely to see boobs. You not only hurt women, violate their trust, make them susceptible to public humiliation, but you cost men boobs, and frankly, Craig, I'm disgusted."<br /><br />And Craig said, "So, do you want to see the pics?" and I replied, "Of course I do."<br /><br />And then I realized this was wrong, obviously, and I said, "Can I just watch you procuring the pics, and I'll just look during the consensual part?"<br /><br />Then I realized that unless he tells them I'm there this is still problematic, so I went home and masturbated to a shampoo commercial.KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18463804.post-33019033409934818902015-04-14T11:40:00.002-07:002015-04-14T11:40:24.114-07:00Ah, shit.My boss and I were talking about how much we hated taking meds. I told him I often go off of mine just to see if I still need 'em. He said, "Yeah? What are the bad side effects?" <br />I answered, "None. The only effect of my drugs is that I don't shit blood."<br />"Then why would you not take 'em?" <br />I guess the answer is that taking my drugs feels like acknowledging that I'm broken and dependent. In political turmoil or a natural disaster, I'd be screwed. My position of privilege in the world is the only reason I'm not dead.<br />Good morning everyone. I hope you're having good shits.KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18463804.post-128662244736436712015-04-13T15:15:00.001-07:002015-04-13T15:25:42.375-07:00The Break InI was sitting on the toilet.<br /><div><br /></div><div>It's a bit disconcerting how many of my stories now start this way.</div><div><br /></div><div>"Keith, did you open the window and take the screen out?" My wife yelled from the living room.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>"No!" I shouted. "I'm on the toilet!"</div><div><br /></div><div>"Someone's been in our house!"</div><div>I hurried what is normally the most relaxing part of my day, and raced to the living room. Someone had removed the screen and pulled a towel from a pile of laundry on the couch to cover the windowsill to make their illegal entry into our home more comfortable.<br /><br />Then it dawned on us that we didn't know for sure that this person had left our house. "Go to Max!" I urged my wife, as our daughter was alone in our bed, having sleepwalked there sometime in the wee hours of the morning, possibly even while the intruder was in our house. Aluminum baseball bat in hand, creepy thoughts in head, I quickly checked our small flat for unwanted visitors. I then went to the front door, found it unlocked, and opening it discovered that our car was gone.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>It seems the thief had done a quick route, window to door grabbing a few goodies on the way, my wife's laptop and purse mainly. The purse contained the keys and they drove off. They walked right past my record collection. Didn't touch it, which is quite insulting.</div><div><br /></div><div>It's an intrusion, a hit to your sense of security, a violation, all these things that people say yes, but then it's followed by having to allow cops into your house which isn't one of my favorite things either. An Asian cop and a Hispanic cop showed up and I was relieved that at least they weren't white. The main reasons I don't like dealing with white cops is that I'm afraid we might get along fine, and then I'd worry that it was for the wrong reasons. 'Hey, you guys are alright. Wait a minute... it's not because I'm white is it?' This may be why I've picked up the bad habit of persuading cops to hit me and arrest me and otherwise not get along fine with me.</div><div><br /></div><div>They asked me if I had any enemies. I thought, "Well, you guys if you've heard what I say about cops in my act." but I answered, "I'm a stand up comedian with strong opinions. Plenty of people hate me."</div><div><br /></div><div>We tried to get back to our lives as best as we could. I slept on the couch in the living room, or more accurately, I lay awake all night on the couch in the living room. We researched alarms, and we waited for our car to turn up somewhere, as we hear they usually do.</div><div>My daughter calls the car Zoey and she was very upset that it was taken. We did our best to keep her routine normal and to minimize the effect of the break in on her psyche. When she said to me, "Daddy, maybe the people that took Zoey were homeless and just really needed to get somewhere." I felt like she was processing it all okay, maybe better than us.</div><div><br /></div><div>I was at work when I answered a call from my wife. "I'm parked behind our car right now."</div><div><br /></div><div>Pretty sure the cops would do nothing and feeling powerless my wife took to the internet and read that most cars are found within 10 miles of where they're taken from. She grabbed my mom's van, gave our little one the rare treat of some french fries to buy her patience and began driving our neighborhood.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>She found the car a few blocks from us. After getting a ride from a coworker I wanted to grab the car and go but my smart other half insisted we call the police and wait until they show up. We were on stake out, watching our car.</div><div><br /></div><div>A cop car pulled up, and the officer gave me some rubber gloves, since they'd be fingerprinting later, and welcomed me to check the car out. Our hope was that our child car seats would still be in the back. They weren't. A big flat screen TV on the other hand was, wrapped in one of our blankets that they'd found in the trunk.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>"Is that yours?" the officer asked</div><div><br /></div><div>"No." I told her honestly, because I'm an idiot. "But I'll take it in exchange for the car seats they stole."</div><div><br /></div><div>She laughed and took the TV to her cruiser's trunk after radioing in the serial numbers. I felt really good about that TV. We'd not been convenient people to rob. We'd soured a deal, gone out and found our car before they were done using it, right in the middle of a deal it seemed. I know they wanted that TV. I told the cop, "You'd think they, of ALL people, would know not to leave valuables in the car."<br /><br />I was proud of that line. I repeated that line a lot, including just now, here in this blog post.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>They took everything from the car, even a small valentine that my daughter had received from a friend, with one glaring exception. They left behind my prized collection of cassette tapes. I know they saw them because they took the roll of quarters that was stored with them. Seriously, these folks do not know quality tunes!&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>We now have an alarmed home, and an alarmed car, and a couple of security doors, and a motion sensing floodlight and we're slowly regaining a sense of security. A dog with big hears might be in our future too. We'll see.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>You'd think THEY, of ALL people, would know not to leave valuables in the car. HA ha. Oh, I slay me.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div>KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18463804.post-12677958574925145372015-03-23T09:18:00.001-07:002015-03-23T09:52:01.809-07:00The Atheist Survival GuideHey all,<br />A few years back I wrote a little book, had an awesome artist, <a href="http://benwalkerart.com/">Ben Walker</a>, design a cover and then I did nothing with it. I've decided to just give it away free here. If I were to try and actually publish it there would certainly be a rewrite and several corrections, but I think there's some pretty funny and entertaining stuff as it is. I hope you dig it.<br /><br />Here's the link:<br /><a href="https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B5VGR3NdSDBtVEJzeXUxMmtzaU8xcnJoR1lmNTZIeGZBX1c4/view?usp=sharing">https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B5VGR3NdSDBtVEJzeXUxMmtzaU8xcnJoR1lmNTZIeGZBX1c4/view?usp=sharing</a><br />Click on that and you should have access to the book as a PDF.<br /><br />If you enjoy the book and you feel like you "tipping" you can paypal me. My email address associated with my paypal acct. is keithlowelljensen@gmail.com.<br /><br />You can also show your appreciation by sharing this blog post far and wide. I like that.<br />Thanks,<br />Keith<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-EurMPMlFMi0/VRA-59BBVGI/AAAAAAAAIpE/cayk1JG0X5Y/s1600/AthiestCover02wTitle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-EurMPMlFMi0/VRA-59BBVGI/AAAAAAAAIpE/cayk1JG0X5Y/s1600/AthiestCover02wTitle.jpg" height="640" width="476" /></a></div><br />KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18463804.post-61727631249337266412015-02-11T09:23:00.001-08:002015-02-11T09:24:06.045-08:00Three Muslim Students ShotAtheists are gonna be really defensive about the shooting of three Muslim students. It was apparently a fight over a parking spot and the shooter turns out to be an atheist.<br /><br />While this seems to be a fight over a parking spot, not over religions, I think that those who are actually involved and active in the atheist community (or communities) should take this seriously. I think we are too tolerant of dehumanizing rhetoric about Muslims. I think racism and xenophobia IS an issue when it comes to the one major religion where many of it's followers are foreign to us in ways other than just their religion. I can't tell you how many times I've heard atheists, including the top (most well known) mouthpieces claim that Islamaphobia isn't a real thing because there are legitimate reasons to fear Islam. There are legitimate reasons to fear heights too, but we don't argue that one can't also have an irrational fear of heights, one which is hysterical.<br />Just as we on the left called on the right to tone down the rhetoric after Gabby Giffords was shot, I think it's time we without gods look at our rhetoric, and the rhetoric of those we champion, associate with, or even just tolerate.<br /><br />I'm sometimes accused of being less hard on Muslims than on Christians. Guilty. I grew up Christian. Most of the people I know and share a culture with are, or have been Christian. So yeah, I tread a bit more carefully when dealing with people who I already have so many other cultural differences with. I will not apologize for this.<br /><br />Do you know a Muslim? If you don't know at least one Muslim, actually know them as a person, try to fix that. Let's reach out to our fellow humans on things we do agree on. And yes, of course, let's continue to champion reason and to be critical of human rights abuses and bad science, but keep the dialogue intelligent and respectful. Find some empathy. Without it we're all screwed.<br /><br />(I will be keeping an eye on the comments. Please refrain from insults, name calling, and other ad hominem attacks. Let's talk. But act an ass, and you will be excused. My thoughts on this particular case are still evolving and I look forward to hearing yours.)KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18463804.post-64381443800870107552014-12-30T12:26:00.003-08:002014-12-30T12:26:33.266-08:00IdahoI was still in high school when I met a girl from Idaho and we flirted a bit and then she went back to Idaho. <br />She sent me a letter. There was a lipstick kiss on the envelope.I opened it and little red paper hearts spilled out. The letter was sprayed with strong perfume which hit my nose and immediately made me vomit up my oatmeal. I had to clean up oatmeal vomit with little red hearts in it. I never read the letter, I just had to get it away from me as quickly as possible.<br />So, um, sorry girl from Idaho. I really did like you.KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0