Could You Marry A Man Knowing You’d Come Second To His Career?

When most of us look for “the one,” we assume, or at least hope, we’ll be number one in their life. While that position will undoubtedly ebb and flow when children, sick family members, and work obligations are added to the mix, a key aspect of keeping peace in a marriage is ensuring your spouse is a priority.

But what happens when you sign up for a life of being in second place and years down the line realize you actually want the top spot? That appears to be the case for Married to Medicine‘s Quad Webb-Lunceford who, on tonight’s episode of the Bravo reality show, shares she and her husband are at a “crossroads” in their union because he constantly puts work first.

In an exclusive preview clip on People.com, Quad and her husband Gregory, who is a psychiatrist, invite a few close friends over for a marital focus group to help them get to the bottom of their issues. As Gregory explains, “We have tried therapy a few times and it hasn’t worked out for us. So this is a group of friends, all of whom have been through their own issues. And we get together and support each other in our marriages.”

But, true to form, Gregory finds himself distracted by work. When the pair sits down to chat with their friends, a call comes in which he takes without hesitation. A few seconds later, he steps out of the room and Quad tells the group, “When I got into this, I kind of already knew that I would be second to his career.”

When Gregory apologizes upon his return, Quad very calmly tells him, “I understand I’m number two.”

Gregory contests, “You’re not number two though. You’re number one in my life.”

But the declaration does little to soothe Quad’s concern. “Here’s the thing you had to just leave the focus group and our marriage is in turmoil right now,” she explains. “And you had to just get up and excuse yourself to go deal with your patients. Which makes me number two.”

An interview Quad had with The Grio last month might offer a bit of insight into why there’s a bit of a discrepancy between the husband and wife regarding what it means to be number one in each other’s lives.

“I think that he feels that he married me and that’s all he has to do,” Quad told The Grio. “I think a lot of women are finding themselves in my shoes. I would really like to see more of a partnership in my marriage and I’m working with my husband in hopes that he’ll get it. It has been very challenging.”

But eight years into their marriage, choosing his wife over work has proven difficult for Gregory, whom Quad also said is “passive-aggressive.” But her other comments make me question not whether he is capable of putting his work on the back burner a bit, but if he even wants to. Noting they’ve been kicked out of couple’s counseling before, Quad explained, “I have considered everything. I’ve tried to buy books… he never read them. I have written things down…he made a mockery of it.”

At this point, it doesn’t seem Quad is just number two, it doesn’t appear Gregory’s marriage is much of a priority for him at all. Or he simply can’t wrap his head around being the cause for his wife’s unhappiness. Considering he claims he’s taken care of his wife since day one — which is the assumption I made to justify why she’d sign up for such a marriage — he might think providing is all he needs to do. (It should be noted Quad refutes this claim and says she was already making six figures when she met Gregory.)

What can’t be disputed, however, is the fact that both parties are unhappy. And as much as I feel Quad’s pain, I imagine her husband’s position is she knew what she signed up for. My question, especially if she already had her own money, is why?