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Happy Hour Discurso

Sorry we’re late, my darlings. Was out running errands, getting my hair cut, and fitting the cat with a harness. Hilarious pictures of a pissed-off feline on a bungee leash will no doubt follow in the next few days. You should have seen her dear little face when I took her to PetSmart. (For those of you whose cats tend to self-destruct when they’re on a leash, I recommend the Come with Me Kitty Harness & Bungee Leash Set, available online and at Target. Most kitties will fit into a medium, but if your cat is fat, plump for the large. Take it from someone who just learned that her cat is, indeed, fat. Aside from that, the design is perfect for preventing your pet from strangling itself.)

Anyway. I’ve only now gotten home and digested the ginormous pile of stupid awaiting me upon my return. Ye fucking gods. It being a holiday weekend, I guess everybody was packing the dumbfuckery into their Friday.

With Dick Cheney positioning himself as one of the de facto leaders of the nation in the post-Bush/Cheney era, it’s not unreasonable to ask Republican incumbents a straightforward question: do you want to campaign alongside the former vice president?

Asked whether he’d like Cheney to campaign with him, Utah Sen. Robert Bennett — who faces a primary challenge in 2010 — said: “The most powerful national politician in Utah is Mitt Romney, and he’s already come to Utah to campaign for me. And I think I’ll leave it at that.”

Asked if he’d want Cheney on the campaign trail for him, North Carolina Sen. Richard Burr said: “I’m not going to go there yet.” Pressed on the matter, Burr — a top target for Democrats — said Cheney is “trying to set the record straight on his administration.” But Burr said he didn’t want to discuss “what’s going to happen in my campaign. I don’t even have an opponent.”

Sen. John Cornyn (R-Texas), head of the National Republican Senatorial Committee, told reporters yesterday that he’d be “proud to appear with the vice president anywhere, anytime.” When pressed on whether they share that view, Florida’s Charlie Crist, Ohio’s Rob Portman, and Alaska’s Lisa Murkowski said they didn’t want to talk about it. Arizona John McCain, who’s also seeking another term next year, responded, “I don’t have the time or energy to discuss that — or the inclination.”

I don’t think I need to expand on that. Some things are perfectly amusing exactly as they are.

Liberty University has announced that it will no longer recognize its student-run Democratic club. The university, founded by televangelist Rev. Jerry Falwell, states that officials “are unable to lend support to a club whose parent organization stands against the moral principles held by” the university. Liberty’s College Democrats have been barred from using the university’s name, holding campus meetings, or advertising events. Liberty’s Vice President of Student Affairs claims “we are in no way attempting to stifle free speech.”

[ed. note: go on, pull the other. it’s got bells on.]

[snip]

Brian Diaz, President of Liberty’s College Democrats, notes that the Liberty College Republicans continue to operate on campus.

No doubt somebody at the RNC thought it would be a clever idea, since Nancy Pelosi is feuding with the CIA, to run an ad comparing Pelosi to a James Bond villainess up against the superspy — as in Bond’s many screen-credit sequences wherein he blasts away at various villains.

You would think, somewhere, someone would have suggested that maybe having a sequence where we look at Pelosi down the barrel of a gun, hear shots fired, and then watch blood drip down our screens wasn’t exactly the smartest or most responsible way to

Alas, the completion of that sentence is left to our imaginations. I think the supreme fucktardednes left poor David Neiwart momentarily speechless. Mind you, this ad was created by the same alleged grown-ups who are currently whining about how mean and uncivilized those librul bloggers are.

They just scored a -10,242,111 on the Self Awareness Scale.

Next up, we have a special section devoted to Governors Who Can’t Fucking Govern. First up, Rick “Secession” Perry, who just wants the feds to stay the hell away from Texas – except when he needs cash for a remodel:

So what do you do when you’re an anti-spending, pro-secession conservative governor whose publicly-owned mansion needs $21 million in repairs to recover from fire damage?

AUSTIN, Texas – While Gov. Rick Perry is criticizing Washington bailouts, state lawmakers are planning to use $11 million in federal stimulus money to help rebuild the badly burned Texas Governor’s Mansion.

Approximately $10 million in state tax money will also be spent on a renovation, which is expected to cost about $20 million, officials said Thursday.

This, of course, is the same Rick Perry who, along with a handful of other Republican extremists, rejected stimulus money for jobless Texans, and recently s
aid that Texas would consider seceding if the federal government didn’t dramatically cut spending.

Gov. Mark Sanford is taking the General Assembly to court after lawmakers required him to accept $350 million in disputed federal money by overriding his budget vetoes.

Sanford quickly announced the federal suit after the Senate voted 34-11 on a state budget that forces him to accept the money.

“We know a suit will be filed against us on this issue, and as such we’ve filed a suit tonight in response,” Sanford said in a prepared statement. “We believe the Legislature’s end-around move won’t pass constitutional muster.”

Yes, the governor would rather sue his legislature than accept federal funding that would go to bolster schools and public safety.

Something tells me that might come back to bite him come Election Day. By then, there’ll only be about 27 faithful Cons left in the country. Everybody else will have figured out that it’s best to vote for the people who want to make sure you have a job, healthcare and food.

The measure, approved early Friday by the state Senate and last week by the state House of Representatives, would replace capital punishment with life in prison without the possibility of parole.

At least two-thirds of the members of each chambers would have to vote to override a veto. But achieving that margin is in doubt, given the tight 19-17 vote in the Democrat-led Senate. The bill passed 90-56 in the House, which also led by Democrats.

To these fuckwits, it appears a “natural” death includes death by lethal injection. Interesting, that. And it’s ever so heartwarming to see a governor use her veto power to ensure the state gets to keep killing people.

And, finally, after all that stupidity, let’s have a little fun. First, I’m going to rip off Steve Benen’s title of a couple of days ago, because I want you all chanting “Go, Speed Reader, Go!”

Faced with the possibility that the GOP minority might require the committee’s clerks to read aloud the 900-page Waxman-Markey climate change bill, or many of its 400-plus proposed amendments, the committee’s chairman, Henry Waxman (D-CA), hired a speed reader. A quick tongued, acting-clerk, if you will.

His services may ultimately not be necessary, but earlier today, to break the tension between battling factions, the committee’s ranking member Joe Barton (R-TX) asked the “speed reader clerk” to read part of one measly little amendment. Watch:

Sheer awesome. As you can see from the video, Rep. Joe Barton did not, in fact, have committee chair Henry Waxman by the nuts. Quite the opposite, in fact. Click that last link if you need a stiff chaser of silly Con tough-guy posturing followed by the inevitable silly Con whining about getting his arse kicked. And then celebrate a victory for a cleaner, cooler Earth.