I remember when I first heard the expression 'hindsight is 20/20' I thought, wow, that's brilliant. And I'm not being sarcastic. How often do we look back on a problem or concern once we have all the info and realize how much easier things would have been had we had this info in the beginning? This is pretty much me right now. It's probably why it's taken so long to put all of these jumbled thoughts together in a post (and in my brain).

This is a long post. I wanted to mostly write it for me so remember all of the details down the road. I never suspected how many areas of my life would be intertwined with injury. So many emotions, so much unknown.

On the morning of January 14th I did what would be my last long run for months. If only I knew, I would have tried to remember every moment, every kilometre.

The run was bit further than scheduled as I'd tacked on 5K that I'd missed the day before. It had been a bad winter, and the day was typical with some snow, ice and salt making for iffy footing. The last 5-8K was done at a speedy pace as it was to meet up with and then run with a group, but honestly, nothing that happened during that run that alerted me to what was to come. No pop. No slip. No crack. Nothing.

Like many Toronto runners, my feet had been in either clunky boots or salt-stained runners for weeks. My long distance, track and walking shoes were about 3/4 through their lifespans. The same with my insoles.

The end of December and first part of January saw me spending more time at the track preparing for the upcoming Ontario Masters indoor season. In the middle of all of this I'd done a long run on the track on an extreme weather day. This track only allows runners to run in a counter-clockwise direction, something I'd shrugged my shoulders to in the past.

Looking back, I'd come to realize that all of these factors were like puzzle pieces coming together creating the perfect storm of my injury. I remember attending the Gary Robbins / Ginger Runner's Where Dreams Go to Die movie screening that same evening and shifting in my seat because my leg and foot were sore. I just figured it was just one of those little things that would go away...Little did I know that I'd still be having issues for months to come.

Thinking the pain was delayed onset muscle soreness, I headed out for my walk commute the next morning assuming the movement would help eliminate the discomfort. My leg wound up feeling better, but my foot was still sore.

The pain was focused on the top of the foot basically between 4th / 5th metatarsals where they met the cuboid bone (see above). In addition, when I stood and rolled the outer toes against a hard surface, pain shot through my foot. There was no bruise or swelling that I could tell.

I didn't walk or run on day three, yet the pain remained.

I managed to see my family doctor on day four and she sent me for an xray which came back clear of any fractures. I learned that stress fractures often didn't show up until weeks later when they were healing so this didn't really bring me much comfort.

​By this point I was spending hours each evening Googling my symptoms. There didn't seem to be anything obvious when it came to symptoms from this area. Many different options. I started researching sports medicine doctors. The one I'd seen before and that my coach recommended was booking three weeks out. I couldn't fathom waiting that long... I couldn't fathom being injured that long! As I researched I realized it a shot in the dark and I might as well just book with the doctor I'd seen years ago and start counting down the days.

I did no walking or running for days three to seven. In the second week out of frustration I decided to try walking again and did four 5K walks. The pain remained.

​While waiting for the sports medicine doctor appointment, I went to see an athletic therapist who did a full assessment and felt that it was a mechanical issue likely with a tendon. He gave me a series of exercises to do and instructed me to do no planned activity if it hurt my foot.

This was the start of what would be six weeks of zero activity with the exception of things like walking around the grocery store. I was icing my foot several times a day and diligently doing my exercises. The pain worsened. I stopped the exercises. This was a very tough period of time. My Googling continued as I struggled to know if I was following the correct route.

I just wanted answers. I just wanted a plan. I just wanted to know!

​Not knowing what was happening or where to go to get those answers was incredibly frustrating. My family and friends really helped me get through this period of time with their support. I continued going to races to cheer and kept in close contact with all of my running friends.

​Finally the day arrived for my appointment with the sports medicine doctor. At this point I pretty much put all my eggs in one basket hoping he would be able to help me. After an exam and questions, he felt that it was a stress fracture to my 4th metatarsal.

He gave me three options:1. Re-xray to hopefully confirm this,2. Bone scan with better chance of confirming (but would take time to book and get results,3. Just go ahead and treat as a stress fracture.

I went for the repeat xray that day actually hoping something would show up to explain what was happening. The doctor was kind enough to allow me to wait for results.

​Again, nothing showed up.

After some hesitation about the toxicity side of things, I booked the bone scan. In the mean time I moved on to option 3 and started treating it as a stress fracture. Given how I was feeling at that appointment, my doctor felt I would do okay without an air cast but I had to restrict exercise for six weeks.

I left feeling relieved that I had a diagnosis and plan. I also secretly hoped that since I was already almost a month in that it would mean less than six weeks more of time off.

Yup, insert hindsight here.

After about two weeks of being incredibly diligent with zero activity, I went for a short waterfront walk with my husband Erick. I got to the 2.5K turnaround when the pain hit my foot. I sadly agreed to sit and wait for Erick to go back to get the car. This was an incredibly frustrating turning point. I couldn't fathom the thought that I couldn't just simply walk back to the car. Seriously, I couldn't even walk 2500 meters?!

​I contacted the sports medicine doctor the next day and he agreed I should be fitted for an air cast.

​The day I was to to get my air cast I went to Costco, maybe a few extra laps around the store than I should have. Nothing really. By the time I arrived at the appointment and removed my shoe and sock I was horrified to find my foot all bruised! The doctor looked at it in shock thinking perhaps I'd fully fractured it. After checking the foot he determined all was okay. With this new development he said he was starting to wonder if it wasn't a stress fracture, but regardless the air cast would help me.

​Hindsight...blah, blah, blah.

​This became my boot phase.

The boot was a love hate thing. It felt so wonderful to secure my foot inside those inflatable boot sides knowing it would keep it immobile and give it an opportunity to heal. The hate part? I had to find a shoe to wear that would be high enough to match the thick-soled air cast. I wound up using three insoles in my stretchy Reebok Floatride with the laces kept fairly loose. (Although I didn't actually plan it, the shoe did match the boot fairly well!) Lying on the couch with a boot and shoe on made it really hard to get comfortable and just felt wrong. Doing stuff around the house was totally cumbersome. Stairs were impossible and had to be taken one by one until I figured out a side-ways boot position and started challenging friends to races (no one took me up on that). I developed new sore spots. My back and hip from walking differently. My other foot from the friction of the tighter shoe. The boot was very flat on the inside and my foot missed my Superfeet insole support. Walking outside was actually fairly easy and I got around with relative ease although I was still restricting my activity. Oh, and if you want the attention of runners just arrive at a running event with an air cast. Ha ha! The pain over the three weeks in the boot remained, but I crossed my fingers that things were healing.

The bone scan was time consuming but also somewhat of a treat to hang around for 2.5 hours between scans in a coffee shop. Again all my eggs went into one basket as I waited on results of the scan. It took over a week for the results to arrive back at the doctor's office which was incredibly frustrating.

Finally the day before I was to drive 10 hours to New York I had an appointment for bone scan results and a recheck.

The bone scan revealed no stress fracture. Admittedly I felt like I was suddenly back at the start.Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

The sports medicine doctor assured me that the rest period and last few weeks in the air cast had not been for naught. He was now suspecting my cuboid or a tendon. He said I could go with or without the boot, whatever felt better. I could start cross training. He gave me a prescription for a couple weeks of anti-inflammatory, recommended a new, more substantial shoe insert and gave me a prescription for physiotherapy.

I left feeling a bit more positive.

I ordered two pairs of the new inserts, retired three pairs of running shoes (walking, long run and speed work) replacing them with new ones and got the prescription for NSAIDS. Given my lack of benefits and that the injury had already been costly thus far, I'd have to pass / wait on the physiotherapy part and try to get by with my own treatments.

I headed off the New York the next morning, the boot packed in a plastic bag-check bag (oh, the irony!) in the hatch of my friend Maria's car. I drove many pain-free hours on the way there, wandered in and out of coffee shops and revelled in the feeling of free feet.

Over the next four days I left the boot in it's bag and didn't hold back when it came to trekking around the city. My foot did hurt a bit at the end of each day, but considering I travelled 5K, 15K, 15K and 5K over those days, I was actually rather surprised it didn't hurt more.

Once home I excitedly continued walking as well as cycling over the next week and a half.

On the last day of my two week course of anti-inflammatory I decided it was time.

I ran.

I knew I needed to take it easy. I doubted I would even have any endurance after 10.5 weeks off. I started running. 50 metres, 250 metres, 1K, I felt good. 1.5K...Hmm, I'm not out of steam. How is this possible? My workplace is 3K away. I decided to keep running because I could...or to prove I could. I did it, 3K without stopping except for stop lights and didn't keel over. I was pain free! I RAN! I iced my foot just to be sure. I started wondering, what if I could have been running sooner?

Annnd wouldn't you know, the pain started sneaking back in later that day and into the next. It continued over the long Easter weekend. Not horribly, and seemly in a different spot, but almost always hovering there. Well, now I knew that I couldn't have run sooner. Sigh. I walked a bit over the weekend trying to not feel too disheartened. So, now what?

I wish I could have ended this post and journey with the photo above as the happy ending to my injury story. Alas, the story continues. My hope is that I can continue to cross train until the pain goes back to what it was before New York. I also realize I did what I said I wouldn't and started running the same day my anti-inflammatory finished and after two weeks of cross training. I think back, was I ever fully without pain even before New York? How was I to know now what brought back the pain? My heart says it was the run. Again, I am scratching my head.

My next set of races loom ahead. I'd recently decided I'd walk the first 5Peaks race of the season, and maybe walk-run Mississauga half and even Sporting Life if I had to. Now I'm not so sure of any of those. I will have to reevaluate in the weeks to come. So much for saving money by registering early--this only works when you can actually participate in the races! The only race I've been able to do in 2018 was a 600 metre mini-meet on the track!

All I can do is keep on trekking and try to stay positive. In almost five years of running this is the first major thing to take me out. I guess I should be relieved with all those injury-free years.

I've managed to stay relatively positive the past few weeks while not running due foot pain. While there are definite negatives, I've tried to keep my mind open to staying busy to occupy my mind and time. I thought I'd create somewhat of a list of things I've done in hopes of giving others hope that it's not all doom and gloom.

1. Explore a tiny section of the city

My hubby Erick and I went for an impromptu drive and stroll (literally 500 meters out and back) with the dogs along the Martin Goodman Trail. When you are used to running the trail, it's refreshing to stop and explore a spot with no agenda or pace.

I also had a chance to check out the new subway line extension when I headed up to York University and the OMA track meet. I love how spacious the new stations are. Amazing that there is still space within the city to do this.

2. Go to the mall

It's been years since I wandered around a mall. I do so much online shopping or shop at single stores downtown or 'big box' type stores. One weekend day I grabbed one of my Christmas gift cards and we checked out the not-so-new-anymore Sherway Gardens renos. At a couple points I sat to rest my foot while my hubby went into stores and people watched. At lunch time we checked out the food court, we so rarely eat fast food anymore, and was so happy to discover Chipotle! I now have a new go-to for vegan take out.

3. Visit friends in another city with a new house and puppy

Given little Ailo this one didn't take much convincing! But you know those friends you've been saying, "It's been so long! We must get together!" DO IT.

4. Cook

My friends know I am already big into cooking and food prep. Sometimes this past year I've had two running events in a weekend which makes it challenging to fit it all in. The past couple weeks I've rejigged my tasks so I can spend my Sunday doing these tasks at a more leisurely pace. This has meant I've had more time to be creative in what I make and even make cookies for the first time in a couple years.

5. Plan and reflect

I'm sure this has really helped. I've continued to look into races, jump on a sale for run fuel and read interesting articles about running. Last weekend I took all of my medals and bibs from their storage box and sorted them by year and took photos for a blog post. I realized at that point that I was headed towards my fifth runniversary. The mental wheels started turning considering what I could do to celebrate. You'd think that all of these running things would get me down, but instead they have kept me inspired.

6. Teach your Mum to text

Okay, so maybe your parents already knows how to text. My Mum didn't. I recently gave her my old iPad and we got together to have a lesson on using it. It was weird yet fun to have the roles reversed and to be showing her how to do things. All of those little things we all thought we so cool when we first had smart phones or devices are new again. Emojis. Solitare. Sending photos. Gifs. And the good morning texts from your Mum.

7. Do non-running things with your running friends

Okay, so even some of our non-running events still involve running! Some of the fun stuff that's happened the past few weeks have been a Gary Robbins and Ginger Runner movie screening and interview of Where Dreams Go to Die, a post race coffee date and half-price pizza afternoon downtown.

8. Go see your niece play volleyball and nephew play hockey

Weekends are precious. It seems that there is always so much to do. You say you want to do something and never get around to doing it. This time off has been an awesome opportunity to do some of those things. We drove out to Bowmanville to see my niece play in a volleyball tournament. I'd never been to one and it was really exciting! Two weeks later we got to see my nephew play hockey. We've seen him play before, but it was a couple years ago. It was amazing to see how much he had improved!

9. Go to a race to cheer and support your friends

One of my early thoughts when I realized my pain wasn't going anywhere was about the races I'd be missing. Well, as it turns out, I don't have to miss the races! I can still go, I just have to change up what I'm doing while there! Cheering at the recent OMA Mini Meet #2 and Robbie Burns was so fun I literally did forget that I wasn't racing. There's nothing like watching a huge crowd of runners take off at the start then experiencing the calm before the storm of their return. I think this has been a huge plus in my mental game.

10. Rest, write, snuggle and drink warm beverages

I have to admit that spending the past few weeks mostly inside with warm hoodies, socks and tea hasn't been much of a hardship given the very cold and snowy winter! Our dogs have gotten the short end of the stick with losing out on their long walks. They have however received numerous extra snuggles. My hubby has been stuck with having me around more, which has meant cookies, so I don't think he minds! Things on my to-do list have been checked off and I've kept up with my blog, which, frankly has provided an amazing outlet for figuring out my thoughts. Which reminds me, it's time for tea!

Frankly the details of the injury itself play somewhat of a minor role in this story. I don't have a dramatic Krista Duchene broken femur finish or wiping out on ice on High Park's Spring Road hill story to tell. Put simply, I have a pain in my foot that I've never had before and that pain is not resolving. My days have been comprised of balancing my fear of making it worse with losing the running gains I've made. But instead of talking pain, swelling or meds, I want to talk about the side of injury that people don't typically think about. Those unexpected things that have come up since I realized the words "I'm injured" were a reality.

UNCERTAINTYThis is the biggie. Uncertainty of what the injury is. Uncertainty of who to go to for answers. Uncertainty of how long it will take to get better. Uncertainty of if I should rest or not. Uncertainty of making things worse. Uncertainty of if I will be able to do this race or that race. Uncertainty of how to sort through the varied advice, recommendations and information I've received.

NAVIGATINGIn the past when I've had a medical issue I'd make an appointment with my doctor, dentist or optometrist. I guess maybe I've been lucky up till now as I've typically found answers fairly quickly or was sent for further testing or referred to a specialist who could provide assistance. With this injury I've had a hard time figuring out where to get answers. I've tried a couple routes, but have resigned myself to the fact that I'm going to have to wait the three weeks to see the sports medicine doctor. I'm impatient when it seems like something that should be pretty straight forward and it's a matter of scheduling that holds me back from those answers. I've practically considered breaking into the medical tent at a race to get a sports doctor to just take a peek at my foot. I only hope that when I finally get to see him that he'll have answers for me and that I don't do something in the meantime that sets me back further while waiting. I truly wish there was a system to assist athletes in navigating the system.

COMMUNITYAs I tried to figure out where to get help, I thought that reaching out to those who had gone through something similar could provide me with guidance. I told a couple people in confidence in the first couple days. As time went on and I wasn't getting any better I felt the pressure to tell others when it became obvious that something was up. I was turning down invites to run and even my social media posts that were previously very running based had evolved to food, family, dogs and nature. The word 'injury' is one of the worst words in a runner's vocabulary. Some of the reactions I've gotten as I tell those around me (or they hear from others) have honestly surprised me. From daily notes of support to recommendations, to opinions, to doubt to silence. Admittedly this has been hard for me to deal with. I guess the plus is that I've learned when I hear someone is injured, I'll just let them know I'm there. The most comfort I've had these past days has been from those that just let me know exactly this.

EMOTIONALI knew from watching many of my running friends go through injury that the emotional side would be as challenging to deal with as the physical side. Forget the simple fact that the body is used to several endorphin boosts a week from running. Suddenly a big part of your life is uncertain, of course you are going to feel confusion, pain and loss. Even if it's true that "time will go fast", "you'll still be able to run this or that race", "you'll be fine," your deep down feelings still sting in the moment. I'm working at trying to find different outlets to distract and enjoy, but sometimes yes, I'm sad about the fact that I'm not running. And honestly, I think that's okay.

SCHEDULEI have seriously been at a loss as to what day it is since I stopped running! I realize just how much my schedule (and my husband's and even my dogs schedules) revolves around running. I used to run on Tuesdays, Thursdays, some Saturdays and Sundays. Silly things like forgetting to shower as I typically shower at work post run or walk commute to being confused about meals I'd planned for which day and constantly writing down the wrong date.

ANATOMYI've learned more about foot injuries and anatomy in the past two weeks than I ever thought possible! Dr. Google can be somewhat informative, but also frustrating as I've yet to find any results that makes me say, "That's it!"

WEIGHTGiven I am quite set in my ways with regards to the foods I eat, it has been a 'kick me while I'm down' to have to cut back on my calories as my body adjusts to less activity. Given this has all landed just after the holiday season and off season for running, I already was facing a smaller spoonful of peanut butter with my breakfast!

MONEYThe lure of early-bird pricing is hard to resist. Currently I've already registered and paid for several spring races and a full season pass to the indoor track. Watching a whole season of OMA indoor track and those races start to fall away definitely hurts a bit.

FITNESS LOSSThe first week I rested completely. The second week I convinced myself that since walking was mostly painless that it wouldn't set me back. Given the location on my foot, I've haven't wanted to do any cycling, rowing or elliptical. Over the past few days I've come to accept the fact that I will lose some of my running fitness gains but that ultimately I just want to get better.

LAUNDRYOne last funny one...You'd think I'd be doing a lot less running clothes laundry...alas I realize that is pretty much all I wear anyway, so no difference there! Ha ha! Oh, but I haven't had to charge my Garmin as much, so there is that!

--​I did not write this for sympathy or answers, but instead I wrote it for me, as putting the words and thoughts down often helps me sort those things out things in my mind. I've written and edited it three times over the past three days, and in doing so I feel more of an acceptance of what's happened. Looking at it from the different angles has been a good way of dealing with each individually. I really do hope that this can help others runners who are facing a similar challenge. It is truly amazing how much one little spot of pain can domino all the pieces of your life! ​

So when you sign up for Ragnar road or trail, you look at the distance and difficulty of the three legs you'll be running to judge how you'll do and feel.

What I never factored in were the 'extra' kilometers that weren't on the race plan. The kilometers of walking to and from the van. To and from the campsite. To and from the washroom. To and from food. And all of these extra kilometers? Every step is for the team, for the fun, for the experience.

​When I started running I considered it to be a solo activity, something to do to stay healthy and fit. I never could have imagined how running would become intertwined with so many people and things in my life. Running introduced me to some of my closest friends. It's meant having the opportunity to chat with every elite runner who has ever inspired me. I've represented races as an ambassador to encourage people to register or to support charitable races. I've designed logos, a race medal and event signage. The running community has truly changed my life.

One of the first group of runners I interacted with were the Digital Champions of the Canada Running Series Toronto Yonge Street 10K and Scotia Toronto Waterfront Marathon in 2014. They provided me so much inspiration and information. It became my goal to give back to others the way they did to me. I applied to become a DC, but since I didn't have all of the requirements back then, I wasn't accepted. As I started working at meeting the social media and blog requirements, I started meeting incredible people and getting involved in running events. In 2015 I became an RBC Race for the Kids ambassador. It was an incredible experience and such a well organized event. Suddenly in 2016 I was being asked to represent several races, some informally because they were ones I already loved, and others as an official ambassador, including the spot I'd coveted with STWM. It was a crazy year of races and cheer-leading. A couple of the races were for really important causes, including youth mental health and assisting runners with disabilities. It felt great to be making an impact.

Heading into 2017, I'd agreed to three more ambassadorships for the spring and summer and a couple race directors were asking for shout outs for events on social media. One day recently I found myself creating a graphic for one event, posting about a price change for another and trying to remember a promo code and hashtag for a third. It suddenly hit me that this was too much. Messages were getting diluted and told to the same audience repeatedly. Plus I was losing my own 'voice' as a runner by spending time promoting other people's events.

Those who know me know that when I'm asked to do something, I give it my all. By no means does this mean that I don't treasure the incredible moments and memories I've had as an ambassador. I made friends, I helped inspire runners to try new races. I helped raise funds towards good causes. I had fun! I know that I made an impact, and I am proud.

But, it's time to hang up my ambassador hats. I want to give other people the opportunities I've had and spend more of my time focused on other things like masters track running, trail races, and focusing extra time and effort on helping to build JPsTeam.

It's not to say I won't be on social media or posting on my blog--I will. But instead of posting about promo codes, early bird pricing or thanking sponsors, I'll be posting about photos my training, articles I love and things that inspire. Sure, some of those may be about a great race or event, but not because someone asked.