12 Lessons in 12 Months

Hey everyone, hope you are well! I have been tagged by Alison and Jessie for this post and I felt it was such a great one to do. Being the new year I thought this was the perfect post to start the year on, a great big reflection post of 2018. I just hope I can remember every single month!

January -

My year didn't start off great. My anxiety was really bad, the worst it had been in a long while and my Nan was very ill and in and out of hospital a few times. I pushed on though, I carried on going to work, (even though I was definitely making myself worse by not giving myself time off), but at that moment I didn't know what to do, I was clueless on how to help myself. I guess in January I learned to keep calm and carry on as that saying goes. I felt it was better to keep myself busy.

February -

February was pretty much the same as January. I got to a point where I was making myself physically ill because that's how bad my mental health was getting. I carried on going to work, I lost my appetite completely, I didn't eat much at all - most days I'd get home from work and go straight to bed rather than having any dinner. Even when I tried to eat I just felt sick. I cried a lot, I felt sad all the time, and I felt like I was annoying everyone else with it - for example, I know how much it was upsetting my parents, and my boyfriend felt pretty helpless because he had tried so many things and I just wasn't getting any better. I ended up having over a week off at work because I made myself physically ill, I remember I was so ill that I couldn't even walk by myself, my legs would be extremely weak and shaking that much that I couldn't put any weight on them. I was also throwing up, and because I couldn't eat every time my mum helped me up I would feel like I would collapse any moment.

After I gained a bit more strength I remember that I went to visit my boyfriend (as we lived about a few hours apart from each other at the time), we went out to eat and I cried my eyes out in the middle of a restaurant. It was such a moment for me, I felt utterly embarrassed and I also just said to myself, this has got to stop.

So the lesson I learnt this month was that I reached out to a friend who was absolutely amazing (and still is) and she helped me out and that I told myself that I needed to do something about my mental health. This is when things started to get better for me.

On a sad note, this month is when my Nan went into a nursing home and was told she was 'end of life' so obviously doing all we could to give her the best and most comfortable time that she had left.

March -

March was a very mixed month. So, I got back to work and worked hard on my mental health, had many self-help books and reading about anxiety really helped me to understand it - if you find that you struggle with anxiety too, I found that actually reading about it, understanding what symptoms you can get from it helped me tons, because I would panic and worry about everything - I suffer with heart palpitations a lot and that used to lead to me having panic attacks because it would worry me so much. When I learnt about all these symptoms that come from anxiety, it meant I only have one thing to worry about - which is the anxiety and not all these other issues that was going on with my body. (I hope that makes sense!)

March was also my Nan's birthday, she said she would be happy if she made it to 80 and she did! We had a little party at her nursing home, and it was a really lovely day and I'm so glad she got to keep that memory.

Another great moment was Otis getting a radiator bed. Yes, that is a fab memory for me because he looked so darn cute lying on it!

April -

On April 1st I decided to share my mental health story on here. It was one of the most nerve-wracking things ever. It took me ages to write it, and I got my boyfriend to check over it to make sure it seemed okay, and then I published it. Not only that, I also shared it on my personal Facebook page - which was very scary for me. As not everyone knew about it, this meant that loads of people that I've known growing up will read it and that was a big moment for me. I remember I posted it on a Sunday too, so I had to go into work the next day and I knew my work colleagues had seen it because a few liked the status. I soon found out that nothing different happened, everyone spoke to me as normal, and someone actually came over and said that it was really good of me to post it - which was super sweet.

My Nan passed away on the 1st of May which was devastating. She did so well though, and she got to celebrate her birthday which was amazing.

I therefore didn't go to work that day and spent it with the family. My boyfriends birthday is also on that day but seeing as we didn't live together I didn't get to see him on the actual day.

At the end of the month, the 20th of May is mine and my boyfriend's anniversary although I remember being at work so I couldn't spend the day with him but we did catch up the upcoming weekend.

June -

A very good month for me! So for a good while we had been talking about moving in together in Birmingham as that's where Adam works and we both love the city - and I knew it would only take an hour on the train to get home whenever I wanted to. So, we did a few flat viewings this month and found the one we wanted.

This was also the month that we both went on holiday together to Salou, and it was amazing and so needed. We went to the PortAventura theme park almost every day as it was included with the hotel so we could go as many times as we liked. Which meant we got to go on every single ride!

The end of June is when I left my job too, as I moved to Birmingham it was pretty difficult to travel to work every day, and I made sure I had a large amount of money saved up before I even chose to move out.

July -

I don't know why, but I took part in a Colour Rush run - which is where you do a 5k run while getting colourful paint chucked at you. I thought yeah this sounds so funny, I forgot that I struggle to run for even just two minutes straight. I resulted to running a little, then walking, and then running and so on. It was fun, I'm not sure I'd do it again though, not unless I knew I was fit and healthy and it wouldn't kill me.

Another good thing was that I am now in the new flat and it's fab! It was brand new when we moved in, so no one had lived in it before, it was furnished and it's a decent sized flat. Pretty happy with it! We both knew also living in the city it would be pretty expensive, but it's not too bad when we split it between us.

New flat selfie

August -

Pretty uneventful. I picked up an online web developer course which I started and it ended up taking me 4 months to finish. I enjoy learning to program, but it is seriously hard. I will continue to practise though, and I learnt a lot through the course.

September -

My birthday month woop woop! I had a little party with all my friends which was fab, it was one of those nights where you get drunk whilst pre-drinking and then we went out and I was sober and ready to go home haha. It was lovely to see everyone though, and the next day we had some lovely brunch at PieMinister which is a great place if you ever come across it.

October -

October is when I really started to get my blog going properly. I decided to get my Twitter going (I had it for ages just didn't use it much), I remember I did like 14 blog posts in October, I was so excited about it all, (and still am) and I met amazing people in the blogging community. Honestly, I probably would have given up by now if I didn't use Twitter - everyone are total angels.

November -

Another good month for blogging, my blog continued to grow, my Twitter continued to grow, I met even more lovely bloggers. I got my first sponsored post which was so amazing.

I also went to Ireland this month, my friend from University had a baby and so a christening took place! It was so lovely seeing her and meeting her family, and of course, meeting the little one who is absolutely ADORABLE!

December -

December was insanely busy and so stressful. My little hamster Xavier got a urine infection and it was so worrying because it was the first time I had to take him to the vets. As I was no longer living at home with my parents, it meant I had to find a new vets and get him there via taxi but it turned out quite simple. He got some antibiotics and pain relief which we had to give him for a week - which was horrible because I would have to hold him still holding his mouth slightly open so my boyfriend could syringe the medicine into his mouth, I hated doing it because it clearly distressed him. He's now all good, he's no longer peeing blood and he's back to being a happy lil hamster.

Can you spot Xavier?

I also got a job! Yay me. I finished my old job back at the end of June, I then spent months studying and doing my web development course - alongside working hard on my blog. Then this came along and I started at the end of December!

I started my Christmas shopping very late this year too but I managed to start it and finish it in a day so not too bad.. and then I had a lovely Christmas back at home with my parents.

I also dyed my hair a silvery/blonde colour and I'm pretty happy with it.

And that brings me to the end of my 12 Lessons in 12 Months. I really enjoyed writing this, it was a great reflection post, I did have to use my personal Facebook for some of them to remind me about my year!

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OMG I LOVE LIL XAVIER! ! ❤️😭 So cute!! ! I'm so sorry to hear about your Nan Chloe, was nice to spend some time before that. Also it isn't easy posting about your mental health journey especially if people you may know irl will see it. I know it would stress me out! I'm so glad to have met you though when you did decide to take your blog more seriously! I think you're an amazing and such a sweet blogger, definitely ad we crossed paths!!

He's such a cute little hamster isn't he!! Thank you, yeah it was definitely good to spend some time with her beforehand. Yeah it definitely is scary but I proud of myself for sharing it and I hope it inspires others to speak out about it too! Aww thank you so much <3 I'm so happy we got to meet each other too! xx

I'm glad that your year ended better than it began. So sorry to hear about your Nan, losing someone you love is so hard. I'm off to read your mental health story in a minute, well done for sharing that, I know it will have helped lots of people. So pleased to have 'met' you on Twitter this year, looking forward to reading all your posts in 2019!

sorry to hear about your grandma passing, but so sweet that she could celebrate the birthday she wanted. Also I had never seen your bf and you make such a cute couple!!! Your birthday pictures are also adorable and you are so so gorgeous! I'm glad you got into twitter and got your blog rolling properly, I've been a fan even before I knew how lovely you were and it doesn't surprise me that you are just so so so lovely. Lots of love gal xx

Yeah I'm so glad she got to celebrate it, thank you <3 Aww haha thank you, to be fair that picture of us moving into the flat we both look a bit shattered ahaha but the black and white one is my fave. Aww thank you so much, you're so lovely too <3 <3 xx

I love reading posts like this that break it down month by month. My memory is absolutely terrible so I don't know if I'd be able to do this and actually get everything in the right order. This was such a year of change for you! Sorry about your gran. I'm really happy little Xavier is feeling better now. He looks so cute with those stuffed toys x

I've been loving these type of posts too recently, it's quite fun getting to know what peoples' years have been made up of! Haha yeah it was very hard to remember some things, I used my personal Facebook to help with some. It was a very big year, lots of things happened! Thank you <3 I'm so happy he's all better again, made me quite upset when he wasn't well. xx

I love this kind of post! Thank you for tagging me, chloe 💖 your 2018 reminds me of a qoute "Things are getgett better" you may noy started it good, but you ended it awesome 🤗 Happy new year! I know 2019 will be better 🙏

I loved reading this post and it seems like you've had such an eventful year! I think you've done an amazing job sharing your anxiety with the world and it sounds like you're doing all the right things to overcome it x

I love this Chloe, it's so nice to read how you have come on so much over the year. It sounds like you had a tough start to the year but blogging seems to be something that has helped you so much - and you're amazing at it!

Biggest thing I have learnt this year is not to feel guilty about taking time for yourself. I had to take a lot of down time from my blog and Instagram and I felt so bad about it. However, I was struggling with my health, still am and also my mental health, so the time away from everything was a must. :)

I hope this year is a good year for you and I'm so sorry about your Nan. :)

I've definitely learnt the same thing, it's so important to look after ourselves and sometimes that does mean time away from things such as our blogs or social media but it does us a world of good to have a break every so often! Thank you so much <3 xx

Wow... What a year you had Chloe! I'm so sorry to hear about your Nan and I can definitely relate to the food-realted issues as I've struggled with similar in the past to the point where everything I ate I'd throw back up. It's really awful so I'm so sorry you had to go through that but I'm so pleased to see you're doing so well. Your blog has become one of my faves! <3

My beginning of 2019 is starting quite similar as my Dad is in hospital right now awaiting heart surgery. I've found myself not able to eat as much because I just have low-key nerves 24/7 (which doesn't help when you also have anxiety) and I'm not dealing with it very well. But trying to look at the positives!

Thank you Jenny <3 It's so horrible isn't it when you get to that stage where any thought of food, or any food that you try to eat just makes you feel immediately sick, I hope it's got a lot better for you too! Aw thank you, I love your blog as well, so glad to have come across you.

I'm sorry to hear about your dad, is quite similar to the start of my 2018, I'm glad you're trying to look at the positives, it's all you really can do at the moment, I'm sure it'll all get better soon though! Always here if you need a chat anyway <3 xx

Condolences on your Nan! Your 2018 certainly had a tough beginning; but you definitely finished it strong! Here's to 2019 being amazing through and through. Wish you the best of luck and I'm definitely looking forward to reading all about your new, fun adventures :)xo Ros | ZenHealth

What a lovely post!It sounds like you had a really tough start to the year, I'm so sorry to hear about your nan! I'm glad things got better, especially with your blog, It's nice to be able to sink yourself into it and it does wonders for your mental health! Happy New Year, have a great 2019!

Xavier and Otis are toooo cute! Also, that flat selfie with Ainsley Harriott is nothing short of artwork, had me chuckling so much at my desk! I'm sorry about your nan and how bad your mental health was at the start of the year, I'm very glad you've come through the other side and that I got to know you because you're wonderful and Ican't wait to see what 2019 brings for you! x

Aren't they just!! <3 Ahaha oh gawd, yeah my boyfriend got it as a present one year and so he was like he has to move in with us too you know so we thought we'd get the whole fam together and take a moving in picture haha. Thank you so much! <3 xx

I love how you outlined every month with the lessons that you've learned. I'm sorry to hear about your Nan's passing last year. You and your family did everything you can to help her have a happy life and she made it to 80!

Even though the year started out rough, at least it got better during June. I love the selfie from your new flat! Glad you're settling in well and everything. Congratulation on the new job!! Happy new year!

It was a fun post to do, sometimes difficult to remember everything aha. Thank you so much, that's very true, I'm happy she got to have her 80th! It did get a lot better which I'm so glad about, thank you <3 Happy New Year! xx

I'm glad things got better as the year went on Chloe. Congrats on your new job, new flat and so happy to hear that Xavier is a happy lil hamster again. So sorry to read about your Nan, it was lovely you got to celebrate her birthday with her and make special memories. Thank you for sharing your year, I really enjoyed reading this post and awww how cute is Otis! I hope you have a wonderful 2019 and achieve everything you want to. Happy new year lovely! <3 xx

Thank you <3 I have had many ups and downs but I feel like that's pretty normal for most people to experience! Aww yeah Xavier is such a lil happy guy again, he's so cute hehe. Thank you, I'm so glad she got the chance to reach her 80th! Thank you so much, you are the sweetest, hope you have an amazing new year too, you deserve it! xxx