Friday, April 3, 2015

All my life I've had vivid dreams, and by vivid I mean I once predicted a co-workers pregnancy before she knew she was pregnant. Scary, right?!

It's not unusual for me to wake up and immediately say "Babe! I just had the craziest dream". Between that and the often repeated "...soooo I was thinking", Matt has developed this unfortunate instant eye roll reflex syndrome. It's no longer voluntary. His eyes will immediately roll to the furthest part of the back of his brain in anticipation of whatever ridiculous statement I'm about to make. If only there was a cure!

Anyhow...

So last night I had the CRAZIEST dream! :::shocker:::

Lucas had uncontrollable poop like spewing out of his butt and he was smearing it all over the walls and furniture! IT WAS AWFUL!!! There was like large MASSIVE chunks just splattered all over the wall, and the couch, and the beds. It was as though he was attempting to use his poop to create a replica Claude Monet painting.

And it just kept coming... and coming... and coming. There was literally nothing I could do. His cute little tushy had become a sewer outlet spewing raw, mushy, brown fecal matter. My God! and the SMELL! Think of that outdoor concert festival port-a-potty smell times a million, but I don't mean like the clean ones with blue liquid in the toilet tank. I'm talking about like one of those dry ones that got left behind at a gas station in the middle of a hot summer in the valley. If it were physically possible, I probably would have passed out in my sleep from the smell.

Now here's the funny part: I was less worried about the fact that his butt wouldn’t stop pooping and more worried about cleaning up the furniture and trying to get the smell to come out. I was literally stressing out and sweating profusely when I woke up.