thank you very much for your comments, which have enabled me to see some things I had not realised and draw some connections I had not been able to draw before. The process is still going on. I have written to some of you at greater length giving my full name and details.

In short, I agree that burnout is one thing I have to be careful about, and I will downscale my involvement for a while, especially in administrative roles, train a little less and focus on more joyful training. Specifically, I will have to start feeling less responsible for some stuff, and accept that administrative things may go wrong if I pull out.

Also, I am going to start a search for new goals and horizons in aikido, which will involve looking at my own needs, feelings and resources and possibly also mean I keep my eyes open for a teacher who fits my goals better -- once I am clear about them. This will require patience I suppose. And I will have to look at my ambitious side carefully.

I was especially intrigued by the question how I represent the art to my mind. That is real food for thought.