About

This is it, this is my biography. The story of Jarod Kintz begins now.

Let’s knock out the trivial first. I was born in Salt Lake City on March 5th, 1982. Now that you know my birthday, please feel free to get me birthday presents. Notice how I used the plural, presents? More than one gift would be greatly appreciated. Appropriate gifts include gold coins, bars of silver, and large tracts of land (preferably beachfront property). Or you could just buy me a drink—soda, natural, because I don’t drink either alcohol or high fructose corn syrup.

Skipping ahead a few years, and a few hundred miles, we come to Denver, Colorado. For a few years I attended Mackintosh Academy. In the second grade, along with English, I studied French, Spanish, and Japanese. Out of all those language classes, I remember one word: Andrea. That was my girlfriend at the time, the one who left me for my best friend. I guess I remember two words, as I remember his name too, but his name is almost sacred, as a name that shall never be uttered.

Right after second grade ended my family moved to Jacksonville, Florida. It was Jacksonville that I would come to know as home, and would attend the rest of my schooling until college.

At this point I was a mediocre student. I believe I had a perfect 2.0 grade point average from third grade until I graduated from high school. My favorite classes were art, P.E., and lunch. Oh, is one of those not a class? No way—I believe art is still considered a class.

When not cracking jokes in class, I would be doing one of three things: drawing, passing notes, or sleeping. In high school I started to not only be mentally absent from class, but physically gone too. I’d skip class like a flat rock skips across a pond.

After high school, it was on to college. In all I have attended six colleges. I bounced around like a dodgeball on a trampoline. If you count the college classes I took starting my junior year of high school, then I got my four-year degree in nine years. And if you’re going to do something, you might as well do it at least twice as well as everybody else—or at least at least twice as long.

I graduated with an English degree from the University of Florida, but I took creative writing classes from both UF and Florida State University. All through college I fancied myself a fancy man, because I was an aspiring writer. Mostly I wrote t-shirt slogans and other pithy things. In the spring of 2005 I did manage to sell a line of t-shirts to Urban Outfitters.

That is my lone success in life. Seriously. Well, so far anyway. But my story is just beginning. I plan on failing my way to success. I have been rejected by literary agents, publishers, MFA programs, and all sorts of women. But still I keep writing.

I have written many “books,” and I use the term books loosely. Mostly they are just compilations of my random thoughts and one-liners. But I like writing them, and people seem to like reading them. And that’s what it’s all about, right?

All my books are self-published, either through iUniverse or the wonderful Amazon Kindle program. I encourage everybody to write. Share yourself with the world. If there is one thing I like to impress upon people, it’s that you can do it, even if you can’t. Just keep can’ting until eventually you can. And you can quote me on that.

Jarod “the man” keep rocking on with the sandwich quotes. They’re the best I’ve encountered yet. I came across them when I was searching for some inspirational sandwich quotes.
I got rid of my social media page about a year ago, because it’s mostly filled with ultra sounds, flowers, conspiracies, cries for attention, personal problems and just nonsense that doesn’t do what we should do, be inspired and along with that and most importantly smile or laugh. As I turned mine back on, I started the first day with “Eating a sandwich.
Just trying to fit in.” Because that’s what I feel in a sense everyone’s saying, in every post. Since then I’ve referenced or said something about sandwiches. Friends that are witty, love to laugh have caught on. It’s only the beginning. Check it #tryingtofitin
I’ll be sure to continue to check in with your jams.
Keep making those words into an sandwich inspiring of laughter.

Man, I’m sold! Found a quote by you the other day, it was so inspiring (even though I’ve forgotten it by now), I had to find out who you were. Keep it up and thank you for the inspiration. I’ll be ‘following’ you. .. not like creepy but you know. Denver Damo

i cannot believe how effin brilliant you are….. i laughed for hours, thought for days and am still kinda sitting here trying to figure out if i am better or worse for the experience. i guess it’s safe to say that i am in absolute awe of your randomness and your ability to put everything out there the way you do. as far as literary genius goes, you’re my hero 🙂

hey Jarod.. random search led me to goodreads which led me to you, the person i am fan of now.. Your writing is funny, witty and describable by other similar adjectives.. Having tried my hand at similar stuff.. it would be my greatest pleasure if you could have a look at it.. the link is for my blog website with this comment.

I belive that randomness is a curse. It keeps me up at night, effects my performance at work and in general is quite a distraction. I laugh at inappropriate times and can’t take anything in my life seriously! Is there a cure?

Omg luv ur quotes! I’ll have to read one of your books sometimes. 😛 But don’t you have a biography??? I need it for a project. 🙄 (will the eye rolling face show up here or will it hide from humanity???) Lol sorry for bugging you for a bio. I guess that just makes it easier on me! XD “quote by kintz” *has no biography so please don’t give me an f * I just heard about you less than an hour ago on goodreads, so that’s why I haven’t read ur books yet. If only amazon would let me read books on my vizio tablet and not give me a random app that I need a kindle for. So tata for now! (ps I like to write too so like the other guy I’d love it if you read some of my work one I get around to putting something on the Internet. Just Cuz your awesome, and not that I want to make you waste your time reading something written by someone you’d never know on the Internet. Or maybe you would know me, and I would say hey I was that girl… 😛 yea I’m a fan now)

Lol that’s OK… I wrote a small one using this page and your small bio thing on goodreads… Luckily it was supposed to be small, otherwise I would’ve been screwed. 😛 yeah I should… I’ve already got a new idea from this AMAZING dream I had about a week ago… I need to get around to writing it… Then typing it and making it awesome! Whenever I write my own story, I always forget to re-write it and just keep correcting it as I go. (especially if I write on my itouch or my tablet. Ugggh!) Lol sorry for writing too much. : P

Jared do you do radio interviews. I have a show based in Denver, and would like to have you on. my email is chris@chrismillertv.com … Would like to have you on this Sunday… from 4-5 it records on live television as well, so you could blast it out to your followers..

Hello Jarod! I have wondered for years how and why (respectively of course and also thank you) would know how, when and where to send me a birthday card with a $1 dollar bill enclosed inside with an clever rant about baseballs being like birthdays etc? Since I’d never remembered meeting you anywhere it’s kept me puzzled for years!

Jarod, I don’t know you but I find your quotes so pretty and witty and heh. If only you could err work on the picture part. Check out Joey Comeau’s a Softer World? Would make so much difference. You’re real funny.

was looking for a quote about weather and the one written by you appeared on the screen… Jarod, you are creating high standard humor in a mediocre era and I thank you for making me and Rollie (my Cat) smile 😀
Dog bless you!
Ziggy Starr (Pakistan)

Its very rare for me to comment, I do it when i have to and unstoppable, like sneezing…. your quotes are such a delight, intelligence packed in humor, even better than the combination of beauty and brains 😉

Me too! Brilliant quotes! Will definitley be checking out your booksI I was looking for Rose quotes as I work with Rose OIl and I stumbled upon this : “Roses may say “I love you,” but the cactus says “Fuck off.” hahahah -might just use it for my business card! Tequila and Roses…Great combo ***

As long as I cab remember , and I’ve been on earth a long time ( almost too long to remember yesterday), I have sought quotes. So, I call you,Jarod Kintz, my friend. You snatched my knit one as I was to pearl two. Anyway, I copy quotes in my journal, only the ones I care to reread. My birthday is in just two days, and a gift arrived ( don’t you love it already It can’t be a bar of gold or silver, but like you…I have a feeling…) I searched to find your quote to send via e-mail today: “I don’t know what’s in the box, but I love it. Unopened gifts contain hope.” from THIS BOOK TITLE IS INVISIBLE. I just want to say, thank you too. As I wrote in a blog, to receive is to have already given…( I know you love words as I do) and the giving is in being integral. I am grateful to all who give their best worth, and you are a star, keep shinning. Buddha is said to have uttered: ‘Three things cannot be hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.”…Keep up the good work sir Kintz :-)…

its amazing to read your work and quotes, it’s like being oneself the real being, without any any ostentation of words . A truly inspiring writer you are , the way you use wit and says it all is commendable

The inspiration to write has eluded me for some time now due to the negativity of the people surrounding me. However, I have started to write again recently. Your inspiration is truly unmatched. Thank you.

Where were you all my life?! I was looking for coffee addict quotes and came upon your quotes and I was doubling over with laughter. *Sigh* This is just beautiful. I am so going to read your book, yep, the one with the longest title ever. Thanks! Keep up the wit and the humor. Btw, I am trying to get over coffee through quotes… Wish me luck.

Hi Jarod. I have just discovered you. You made my day with your brillant quotes. Especially the ones about the politicians. Now I am posting them and laugh about politicians instead of losing my nerves about their actions. Stay as you are! Best regards from Zagrb, Croatia! Zoran Kulusic-Neral

I think Jarod Kintz is planning to settle in the Mars to discover some aliens. I love to eat all those Banana pies Jarod Kintz cooks. Absurdities are limitless, and someday I shall not be amazed to hear that Jarod Kintz is riding on butterflies. I guess it will provide me some basic inspirations to fly myself on a pair of turtles. I’d dèfinitely love to read that book Jarod Kintz doesn’t sell. Long live Jarod Kintz, in heaven, and I’d join you shortly. Jarod Kintz makes me come alive, every other moment.

Hi Jarod,
I hope you’re doin’ well!
You are fab! Awesome work! I just caught few of your quotes and began to explore more- they are stupendo-fantabulously-fantastical! You’re one of the most amazing writers I’ve come across. (Well, I came to know about you an hour back, and you’re already one of my favorite writers.)
I love writing, and you kindled my desire manifold.
Would be great to catch up with you sometime!

I always like to read humorous quotes, every time I type in google ‘strange, odd, funny, humorous, or weird quotes then followingly any given link mostly i launched on the same site where a guy in white shirt (never bother to look at your name before) is sitting with his quotes, i start hovering the arrow up and down read some quotes make myself gratified by getting some good quote according to my mood and taste then move over…. but today i had some extra time so wished to know who is this author thus typed your name in google…suddenly I was like WHAT?? THIS MAN HASN’T WIKIPEDIA YET???? Anyways I followed this site and read all that you said and wishing you a very good luck and hoping some day your work will be recognized to whole world, Well for the time being you just keep writing 😉

You’re truly gifted!!! The one thing I like most about your writings is, it evolves naturally. You give a distinctive voice to your writings. Keep up the the good work, you are inspiring for a lot of people out there specially like us who are living in the third world countries.

Hiya Jarrod, I’ve been trying to find out more about you as there’s no Wiki site for you, often when I’m looking for the right things to say in regards to my Social/cultural angst & just about everything else that grinds my gears I come accross your material. My FB status’s are littered with your witty ( in the esoteric sense cos I’m sure not everyone gets it & I know that most of them don’t get me) quotes & one-liners. I find when I read your stuff it reminds me a little of a great literary hero of mine….Charles Bukowski. Any way I thought I’d just hello & if there is anything of yours you could recommend id be greatful.
please excuse any bad spelling, grammar or punctuation as I’m just a semi-literate London boy who’s read a few books, listened to a few wise men & opened few doors of perception ( usually when I’ve been stoned or just incandescent with rage )
Anyhoo peace out bro!!!!

Hi Jon! Thanks for stopping by. I love Bukowski. Haha that guy was badass. What a compliment 🙂 I guess most of my stuff is quotes, but my book The Mandrake is a short story. I will email it to you if you send me an email. jarodkintz@yahoo.com.

Yes I’m big on quotes, I think it’s important to understand & interpret them by looking beyond the written word ( reading between the lines ) maybe someday folks will be quoting me? Or just call me a cunt if you’ll pardon my French haha. I’m trying to write a screenplay based on the musings & observations of an angst ridden apathetic young man in 1950s London with a back drop of the burgeoning mod jazz scene (coltrane another one of my Hero’s ) & I’ve looked for inspiration in Bukowski’s world view. Anyway Jarod thanks for you prompt reply I shall look forward to reading you material…peace!!!

Jarod: Lovely, lovely thoughts….beautiful world you live in. We share a birthday (though I am a whole lot older than you) so you can send me presents, too. I like chocolate and anything delicately beautiful….like your writing. Dianne

I first saw one of your quotes at the beginning of the movie STARVE which came on SyFy earlier today. I found it so interesting & entertaining, the quote not the movie, that I wanted to know who would say such a thing. So I looked you up & read your 29? Quotes, which I also found entertaining. Yay Google! I think next I’ll look to read your book. So I wanted to say Thank You! For I am not easily entertained! Keep writing 🙂

Hey, While stumbling upon some of your nice quotes in goodreads, I thought you must be an aged man and not existing now.(Seriously, the quotes were mature and kinda funny). Then googled to reach this page. Wow, Your story is of an average man, but what about the rest? Try writing the hurdles you have crossed and the success you have achieved as a writer so that it can be an inspiration. Hats off Jarod.

Can I quote you in my new book “Brilliant Words to Grow By. A Celebration of the Duality of Life Devotional.” Here is the quote I would love to use: “Laughter is the sound of the soul dancing. My soul probably looks like Fred Astaire.” Jarod Kintz
Thanks

Hi Jarod.I happened to know about you on Goodreaads.com.I had been searching on quotes on a wide range of subjects..especially rejection.I discovered that your quotes are always featured and they are great and funny in some way.I like the one where you asked about “fight or flight” and science books on teenagers, dead prostitutes and sharks.Without being too wordy,I like your writing. It inspires guys like me.Keep it up and thanks.

Hi Jarod, I only found you last night, I am a coward trying to justify my cowardice so I looked for quotes on it. After reading yours I feel good and think that even to acknowledge that I am a coward needs some bravery. I loooveee your writing, thank you for being so inspirational. ( I just left a “so called comfort zone” into a challenging life, I did it with eyes closed otherwise I never did it, he he).

*Warning: Minimal Essay Ahead*
No seriously you’re not famous yet? I googled “I’m Ugly” for pure research purposes and came across numerous quotes from you… seems to be a trend here to find you on Goodreads but whatever, I like to think I’m original. Anyways, I haven’t the faintest clue, hint or idea as to how to encompass just how funny you are. But then again I’ve been told that I find anything funny. But that’s just it, if I DON’T find you funny then you must be a terrible bore and I would wonder just how black your soul was… either way I’m rambling and you probably haven’t the time to listen to me babble on and on. But cheers to being funny and a rabid talkatyper like myself. And seriously. You’re good.

I once said to someone “I’m single like a slice of cheese.” The dumbass replies: “And now we know, why.” Haha I just figured that I heard that or saw that somewhere and stole the phrase..Well today I googled such phrase and I randomly found you 🙂 You were the only one linked to it..everything else was.. well cheese.
Like the kind you eat. 15 minutes ago you caught yourself a new fan. Thanks for being so hilarious. I find it inspiring that you encourage people to write..I love writing but sometimes I get stuck and let the dreams collect dust. I tend to let self doubt get in the way..Thanks for being so inspiring 🙂

I just love your works! Tho honestly I haven’t read any book you’ve published but I’ll try to keep some penny to have one. Hahaha this is really crazy because I’ve never heard of you, just found a quote (which was really hilarious) on google and searched for your name when I saw it. You are such an inspiration! 🙂 I liked your page on facebook and will eventually follow you on twitter. hahaha Thank you sir! Stay cool!

i wish I can shout out loud here though! I love your writings And everyday I’ll have one of your quotes as a kick start of my day!! Wait, let me try to give a shout out on the other side of the world!!! Can you hear me?! Lol. Jk. Keep it up !!!

As like many others, I ran across you while searching for quotes on a specific subject…”lakes”. Your quote re: moral codes are like the ocean…etc. is brilliant. I was sad to not see more about you on the web. PLS provide more info! You are brilliant and I am going to spread
the word…more specifically: YOUR words!!

I have bumped into your work so many times . now I have no choice but to stop and read every time i see your name . you are awesome. I write a lot too, mostly on Twitter . not published yet . @Orlando_arah

I like your style Jarod, words with content, feeling and truth.
Pete here buddy, English bloke living in Penzance, married with a fab five year old son and a big dog, Archie.
I stumbled upon you this eve as I googled certain formats of relative quotes I required: “Is it easier to get you to do what I want with a fist to your face, or a gentle pat on the back and a handshake? Let this be a lesson in power.
Jarod Kintz.”
This my friend was sublime and perfect.
I am many things to many, varied in abilities yet undefinable to myself. A driftwood artist, chef, photographer, husband and father, since January 2015 a writer, my first novel, 61000 words in, 20k to go and I perceive an achievement. Life is saturated with misdemeanours and anxiety,
I like your words bro, top man. Your quote isn’t in my book, sadly pilfered as an affront to a prick who has upset a mate, I think it should sufficiently scare the perpetrator.
Many thanks and keep writing.
Pete ✌🏻️

Hello ! I accidentally came across your quotes on someone’s Facebook cover and I was blown away by your use of the words. I thought you were some famous author before realizing that there was absolutely no information regarding your work anywhere ! I envy the way you make the words dance to the rhythm of your thoughts. Would love to read more from you ! Keep it up. 🙂

The universe is made up of a collection of books….. We need to talk I think u would be the perfect guy to ghost write my spiritual journey. Women are not respected… I know the good word can get out with your help..

Honeytea143 My first plant on my porch. Exactly what I wanted. Means the world to me, #lightinmywords #changeiscoming #quotequotedtosupportmycaption

I want my words to illuminate like the sun, as I give my daily lecture on photosynthesis to my houseplants.

Hi Jarod! I just found your work today by chance. I was looking at motivational quotes for self-growth at goodreads, and when I read yours I was intrigued to know more about you as an author. I must say all I read from you made my day, what a great sense of humour! 🙂 You should work as a screenplay writer for TV so that more good material reaches the audience. And have you considered working as a humorist?

my favorite way to discover artists is through their quotes, and im glad that’s how i found you. Your quotes are delightfully weird and manages to crack me up everytime time i read them. i like writing poems and they are my way of wrapping up my inner mad hatters and witches into a satin box and presenting it to the world, and it is only because of writers like you that i have the confidence to do so and let my imagination run loose.it is because of stoytellers like you i am brave enough to be wildly honest with every word i jot down. so a big thank you.
ps: keep the madness going

I just came across your quote on “accountability” – “All my failures as a human being, I blame on my father. Life is about accepting responsibility, and it’s time my father started being held accountable for my deficiencies.” I LOVE it–it’s perfect! I do executive coaching and career counselling and worked hard to come up with my byline– Be Aware. Be Authentic. Be Accountable. You seem like a guy who is all that and more. Thank you and keep it coming! I think you could be a great motivational speaker and give commencement speeches or lead team development events. What about a TED talk? Just saying.

This was a good first read of the day and week. I love the fact that you are okey of doing stuff at least twice or twice as long. I’ve always been that way but never actually recognized it or brought it up in a conversation. I’ve always tried to be strict but in last year have realized that I’m just not that person and I need my time and it’s nice to see that there are others. And that those others can just write about it and make my reading experience so effortless. Thanks and loving your quotes, that’s actually how I came across your stuff. I bought earrings that look like little hand guns and was looking for a gun quote to post on Facebook with picture and there was one from George Washington, one from Dalai Lama and then about 50 of yours and that got my attention. Anyway, with love from Finland. Tonight I’ll be reading your book. -Carina

It is indeed. Chilled like a naked surfer on a hot summer’s day! I do believe we are on the same wave-length -have no idea where this wave is really going or how long it really is….But we keep waving – and waving until the final way vings*** xxx

You are seriously an amazing humorist. Reading your biography was hilarious and encouraging to know that beautiful writers like you exist. Your love for writing has motivated me to think on a different platform.

very interesting bio and awesome website… I visited SLC several years ago and loved it, like all Utah! 🙂 my very best, tons of inspiration and friendly thoughts from Toulouse, France, “old Europe” – the land of your ancestors… 🙂

You are my 13 year old son, Bailey Young’s, favorite artist! I used your quote just this morning on a picture someone sent me at his track meet yesterday in Kent, Ohio! Please help me to get it go viral. I want everyone to know that you can accomplish anything no matter who you are! Please continue to write, you are truly an inspiration!
With much love,
Mari Young of Canton, Ohio

Jerod- a pleasure to “find you” I had a saying in my head that you apparently thought of first. I see now we are separated by 10 years and a day. Most interesting. I hope to read and learn more about you.

Hi Jarod. Random search on goodreads, and here I write (needed to find out who you are to quote you!). Great work and quite funny/ witty style of writing. All the best for your future endeavors! Cheers.

“The crickets sounded like maybe in the trees. They were pretty loud to be so unsure of themselves.”
“My favorite tree is the Joshua tree, which is named after me. Well, it will be, once I change my name to Joshua.”
Research for my own writing and kept bumping into this chap who made me snort at my laptop.
Thank you for making the chore of research not suck.
You were tucked in between George Orwell and William Blake.
(A fast heat race. You maintained your lines and didn’t false start.)
I’m nobody in particular, but your style was worthy of random praise.
(which I never dish out lightly)
Hopefully that puts a skip in your step.

Saw your name as the author of strange crypto-quote recently. Something about strait-jackets and stairs, I think. Nah, I don’t bother solving crypto-quotes but usually read them for passing mantras. Yours passed quickly and I couldn’t re-quote it on a bet. Anyhow thanks for stirring my curiosity.

Hi, Jarod, born on march 5th huh, same here sir. pretty much confusion in life (want to say something about this please go ahead) as I came to know you from the one of your quote about beer as a meal which I posted on my page @foodnfans. Reading your biography makes me feel good. suggest something for reading from your library.
Also if you get anything for the birthday present as you are looking forward to. Feel free to throw some towards me.