Can someone please explain to me what she’s talking about? And how is it that she can seem to be reading from a prepared speech and still be completely incoherent? I’ve heard better speeches from middle-schoolers running for “office.”

The best part is when she compares the tragic death of a woman protester on the streets of Tehran to students (oh wait, I’m speaking to students, crap, I mean) political operatives, “not students necessarily” (phew! good save! that was close!) “dumpster diving” to “prove that someone requested a bendy straw.”

What?

Oh, wait, she clears it all up in her next statements, when she asks whether these same students might make a better use of their time addressing their president in protest, rather than protesting her appearance at Conservative U. Oh! So political freedoms, rights of free speech, and personal obligation to the above are important ideals, but only if used in support of HER agenda. I get it. Thank you so much for clarifying.

I guess she’s proven one point: if a woman of her caliber can make it this far in the political realm of the good ol’ U S of A, anything is possible.