The Magic SOB forum is for posts of story sequences that are frequently vignette-based. Put those here while actual battle reports can go in Reports From the Field.You must talk like James T. Kirk in this forum at all times. Leonard Nimoy is fine too.

The Great Port of Crystoph, namesake and seat of House Crystoph, a bustling center of commerce and trade.

Recently however, proletariat rabbits have been swarming the fields like big razgrizzly locusts. This has caused the harvest to be far below expectations, the villagers and the poor steel themselves to another cold and hungry winter as the arriving carts grow lighter.

Most of them at least...

Carter- "Ride's over asshole, have fun being comatose."

???1- "What an jerk carter"???2- "Well, at least he got the him here, minus his arm and manhood, but he got the material."???1- "Lets just get to the forge."

At the Duke's Manor...

King Nikolai Soren, second of his name- "I would like to welcome the assembled nobility to the first war council in the war against the Orks. First I would like to thank our host, the gracious Duke Crystoph, who will be unable to join us in the campaign due to a diplomatic obligation overseas."

Duke Crystoph, lord of the ports- "I am just glad I can donate my ships and Manor to aid in this effort."

The King- "Since the death of my daughter Rhea at the hands of Ork Marauders, I have been formulating a permanent solution to the plague of Ork Raiders that venture out from Helm's Derp and the mountains. The Lady Tactician will describe the plan specifics."

Royal Adviser- "Thank you my liege, now, let us focus (damn flower mode) on the local map here."

Adviser- "The great fortress of Helm's Derp holds the coastal path protecting the Orks' holdings in the mountains and the heart of their power, the Tower in the Shade, the Orks have the majority of their forces gathered at the Derping Wall,they are marked here by the black flag."

Adviser- "Here, we have the port city of Crystoph, nearly directly north of it. It is where we currently are, and where our pre-invasion forces have gathered. The golden flag represents the Royal Army, while the red and green flags represent the Red Company and the Company of the Dragon."

Adviser- "The Royal Army will be jointly commanded by Crown Prince David 'The Black',"

Adviser- "The plan begins with the Red and Dragon Companies boarding ships, one for the infantrymen and one for the commanders. They will sail down the coast, while the Royal Army, as well as cavalry and siege divisions of the other companies, will go move overland as a distraction force to focus the enemy's attention on the land route."

Adviser- "We have been given the services of the famed ex-smuggler Two Pistol Pete, to this task, while mainly famed for managing to pilot a ship while wielding 2 pistols, and eat at the same time, he evaded capture for nearly 10 years before running aground while drunk. He will pilot his personal ship, 'The Beast of the Wrath', with the commanders, while the serving men will run a retro-fitted cargo ship piloted by his first mate. They will run silent and without lights while also avoid major shipping and known pirate heavy areas."

Adviser- "Our Braagvosi ambassador, Prince Amadeus Von Bragallot, will be taking on an advisory role on the command ship, making sure none of you landlubbers fall overboard and drown."Oscar Leijon- "I take offence at that remark!"Adviser- "Twas only in jest, my lord."

Adviser- "The ships will beach themselves at the hidden cove near here, and meet up with the main land force before commencing the assault on the Derping Wall."

Adviser- "What is likely to be the most difficult of the battles, the three armies will confront the horde at the stronghold of Helm's Derp, while we would be at a tactical disadvantage normally, we will have nearly 3 times the projected numbers of the Orks, and additionally, have siege engines to aid the breaching of the wall."

Adviser- "Once the Hornyburg has be captured, the Red Company and the Royal army will continue to the Phoenix Keep, while the Company of the Dragon holds the Derping Wall against any attempts to flank from the mountains."

Adviser- "From there we will face the final major obstacle to in our war against the Orcs, the famed Tower in the Shade, the ancient stronghold that has been in the shadow of the mountains since before the Wastes took the South."

Adviser- "Once their lands have been fully subjugated, we will divide the fortresses up between us in this manner, the Dragon's men will take the fortress of Helm's Derp and the area around it, the Red Company will take the Phoenix Keep and the surrounding lands, and Prince David will establish his first Dukedom, with the capitol being renamed, 'Tower of the Black Prince'."

The King- "Now my loyal vassels, let us take back the lands of our forefathers, let us wipe the scourage of Ork from the western coast, let us avenge the princess' death and claim glory and honor in the name of the Sun!"Dawson Pyralspite- "And in the name of the Dragon God!"The King- "Yeah sure, whatever."

All- "YEAH WAR WOO LETS DO THIS WE GOT THIS WOOO!"???- "Lord Lowtower, Lord Lowtower, your son is dead!"Earl Lowtower- "What mockery is this?"Sir Stephan Leijon the Younger- "That sure killed the mood."

Ranger Versinix- "Ork and Hollow Raiders interrupted the harvest festival and massacred everyone there, I arrived with my rangers in time to kill the bastards who did it, but by that time your son was dead, speared by a Minotaur and laying bled out beside the house standard."Earl Lowtower- "By the Great Drake, this is terrible news, my only child and heir, struck down by a mere bull-man."The Ranger- "It gets worse, with the entirety of your favored peasantry present at the festival, and subsequently killed, the lower masses are beginning to murmur. There have been factions saying that you are becoming feeble and can no longer protect us from raiders and bandits, and say that we would be better off independent and without a noble in charge. And with the famine caused by the plague of rabbits, they are starving, discontent, scared, and nearly ready to revolt!"All- "Melodramatic Gasp!"

The King- "Do not worry, once this campaign is finished, your people will regain confidence in you, and you can return triumphant and easily crush the petty rebels in their dirt hovels."Marshal Garnet- "We're sorry my lord,"

The Marhal- "But a big wall in the middle of nowhere will do us no good if our lands are in lost active revolt, we must withdraw our support from this campaign and return to deal with local matters."

Duke Lloyd- "Cowards! Turncoats! May the Tan Man take each and every one of you dragon worshiping bastards!"The King- "Back down cousin, cursing them out will not help to change minds on this matter."The Lordling- "Don't worry Your Highness,The Red Company still stands behind our King in this campaign."The King- "Good, we can continue then, Helm's Derp and it's lands will be yours, instead of theirs."

Later...

Sir Ornstein, Dragonslayer- "This may be a hard fight, but even without those Dragonfuckers, we have both surprise and numbers on our side."The Lordling- "Since our numbers are lessened, we may not even need the second ship, and going without it would halve our chances of being caught on the high seas."Baron Ivan Leijon- "And share a ship with the common soldier? I think not."

The Lordling- "Surely it isn't such a hardship to spend two weeks with the men fighting on your behalf to increase our chance at surprising the enemy?"The Baron- "Surely it is."Sir Oscar Leijon the Elder- "Ooooh Burn!"

The Lordling- "Well you can have your empty ship for pompous assholes (no offence father),"The Dragonslayer- "None taken!"The Lordling- "I'll be with feasting with the men who serve our cause, have fun."The Baron- "What a thoroughly unpleasant man."

The Dragonslayer- "Do not fear comrades, I'm sure we will kick Ork ass and be back by first snowfall!"The Baron- "That's the spirit man!"Sir Oscar- "Yeah, this will be awesome!"Sir Stephan- "I'm so psyched!"The Dragonslayer- "To Helm's Derp and Beyond! For Glory and the Sun! The Red Company!"All- "YEEEAAAAAHH!"