Sunday, June 29, 2014

TWINS!

Could it be that every time I get pregnant I return to
blogging? Well, the short answer is Yes!

When a woman is pregnant it’s like her whole life flashes
before her eyes. Lots of questions and fears and excitement culminate inside of
her. There are the life questions: What have I accomplished in all these years
I’ve been on Earth? Who am I? Have I lost my identity? Do I enjoy my life? Then
there are the mommy questions: Am I ready for this [again]? Do I have enough
love inside me to spread it among all these people? Have I failed the children
I already have? Is this physically possible? And then the spiritual questions:
Why did Allah choose me to have these children, at these ages, at this time in
my life?

So I know you’re waiting for me to address the title. The
answer is Yes, TWINS! At my 20-week ultrasound the sonographer candidly
announced that the ultrasound would take twice as long because she had to evaluate
TWO babies. I almost choked on my own tongue.

I looked up at the monitor and sure enough there were two
little heads. And four arms and four legs and twenty fingers and toes. I was in
utter shock, yet I was completely elated. It was a secret childhood fantasy of
mine to have girl/boy twins. But in the fantasy those were my only children…
Hahaha, jokes on me! But seriously, I was happy, I couldn’t stop giggling and
saying “Are You Serious!?” Then I would say Alhamdulillah
and Allahu Akbar under my breath. I
knew this was a major blessing.

So much to say… I don’t want to write a super-long blog, but
. . .

like I said, there is just so much on my mind. For starters,
I’ll describe how I’m feeling right now at 27weeks 4days: heavy, uncomfortable,
tired, tight, stretched to the max, PAIN, foggy, unattractive, useless, and
tearful... and HOT! It’s okay, don’t rush me to the ER or the psyche ward! I don’t feel like
this all the time. Sometimes when I’m feeling really down, I will get an Angel
message. What is an angel message?

The little old pale woman with the white hair approached me
in the supermarket yesterday. I was in pain from my huge protruding heavy belly
and the blood was rushing out my brain, making the room spin. I was praying
just to make it out of the ACME on two feet.

“You are ready!” she exclaimed. Everyone has been saying
this to me lately. Even through my large draping dresses, people can see that
my belly is huge and low, this would usually indicate a woman in close to
birth.

“No.” I slowly shake my head and grin. “I’m only seven
months. I’m having twins” I prematurely chuckle because I’ve said this to so
many people lately that I’m anticipating her surprised reaction.

“Oh my! Two?” she uncurled two shaky wrinkled fingers to
affirm she heard correctly. When I nodded yes, she leaned in closely and told
me her story. She had two children by the time she was 40 years old and then
got pregnant again. She went into labor and delivered her child only to her the
most devastating words any mother can hear after giving birth. Stillborn. After the doctor sadly
reported the news, he looked her square in the eye and said, “You will have another
child.” Three months later she was with-child again and gave birth to her last
child, her first boy. After telling me this story she looked me in the eye and said,

“God is with you. Don’t
ever think he isn’t. I realize now that I wasn’t supposed to have my third
child with me. That child went straight to God. God is with you always. Everything
will be fine. God Bless YOU.” And she slowly pushed her cart down the dairy
aisle. And I wanted to cry. Thank You Allah. Thank you for the Angel message.

Sometimes these messages come from family and friends. Just
simple texts telling me I’m beautiful. How did you know I was feeling low? A
tight hug from my husband that lifts me out my seat, relieving my pain for
those few seconds. My children telling me I’m the best mom ever. How did they
know I was feeling like I was letting them down because I really can’t do much
these days?

Angel messages are how I describe those little and big signs
of divine affirmation, telling us everything really is okay. More than okay, our
lives, even our trials are divine and blessed. So be grateful!

“Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…”
(Qur’an, 2:286).