Monday, February 2, 2015

Disappointment - Handling Not Getting What I Wanted

A
number of years ago, we were celebrating my nephew’s birthday.We all played together (the kids and the kids
that were shaped like adults), ate, sang and had birthday cake.Then came the moment that kids of all ages look
forward to their own birthday party – Opening The Presents!You could easily see the excitement on my
nephew’s face as the presents were pushed in front of him, filled with
expectations of receiving his birthday wishes.Minutes later, the frenzied results of the gift-wrapping torn from the
presents settled around the room and sitting amidst the piles of paper was my
nephew crumpled crying – The happy, excited face was replaced with the face of
disappointment.There were good gifts
that were age appropriate, but my nephew did not get what he expected and was
too young to hide / mask his disappointment.

Somewhere
along the way, we humans have become experts in building up our own
expectations.Let’s face it, given
enough time, our imagination can have the potential of becoming like an uncaged
creature running wild through a landscape of our own determination, building
fantastical images to our every desire.Sometimes the exaggerations are for something we hope for, and sometimes
they are the things that we dread to face.Most times, they are never as extreme as we build them in our own
minds.Growing up, my father had an
office on the far end of the basement.When we did something wrong, my brothers and I always had this fear when
our dad would call one of us down into HIS OFFICE to talk to us.It did not matter if the conversation was
innocuous, we always built up in our minds that we did something bad and were
going to get reamed out and some type of punishment would be administered.Most of the time, we were disappointed in a
good way…

As
we mature, theoretically, we learn better ways to react to our disappointment:

Cry – Extreme disappointment and could be the result
of a loss or when there is pain involved.

Laugh like a hyena – Do not know how to react,
seems better than crying, but still looks like you are losing it to those
around you.Happens to me when I am
caught by my wife annoying my daughters…

Aggression – the feeling that inflicting pain on
other people (physically, mentally, etc.).This method does not endear others to you and potentially leads to
further disappointment and disappointment in others towards you.

Drink – Does not happen only in movies and on
TV.Burying one’s head in the bottle
only blots it out for the moment and does not change things.The next morning, disappointment is still
with you alongside the new addition of a hangover and possibly more
disappointment in yourself.

Blow off some steam / vent / do something as a
distraction to cool off – Going for a run, exercise, massive complaining,
finger pointing, ranting (hopefully not online, as more disappointment can
follow).For me, Friday night band
practice – turning my disappointment into a positive energy.

This
past week, we were inundated with weather forecasts depicting a HISTORIC
snowstorm.Panic ensued:

Airlines cancelled flights a day early.

Everyone ran to the supermarkets to load up on
supplies, as if we would be house bound for days.

In an unprecedented move, the bridges and
tunnels between New Jersey and New York closed.There were curfews.

The subways (which are underground) had their
service suspended.

Mass transit shut down.

Road curfews were in effect.

I
planned on working from home due to no bus service.The forecast for my area was 18 to 24 inches.
We were ready.All night long, I listened
to the snowplows.I woke up early (later
than normal though), bundled up and ventured outside to start shoveling.I opened the garage door, prepared to do
battle expecting to be greeted by a wall of snow, but was greeted by ankle high
(4 inches) snow. Huh?!?They shut down
our world for this?Yes, if this was in
the south, this would be an enormous snow, but for New Jersey?

Friends
of ours that live in Manhattan ventured out and walked down the middle of Canal
Street, usually packed with vehicles and pedestrians.All he needed was the tumbleweed rolling
across the horizon to complete the scene of a ghost town.Many other people expected a dead day spent
shoveling, warming up and shoveling a second round.A weatherman for the National Weather Service
apologized for the error in calculation.Really? Our visions of a winter
wonderland freezing up the area for up to two days is washed away with an
“oops”?I realize that weather is an
inexact science with many variables, but the disappointment was a result of the
expectations that were presented. Even
though we are talking in terms of a blizzard, many people were disappointed.
How would you have handled your disappointment?