Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Before I get started, go visit my friend PJ's blog for her awesome holiday kick-0ff giveaway. What is the prize? Fab gift card to Amazon. I have started my wishlist already.

Now, down to business.

As I wheel around this over-saturated city of mine, I use music (and absorption of sunshine when available) to increase the odds of a pleasant commute. I must inculcate patience as an ongoing process and what better place to practice than the car, especially during traffic.

While I may be quick to point out foolishness on the road, I am quite congenial about letting other cars in. You know what I mean. A car needs over into your lane, or needs to cross in front of you whilst you have plenty of space to let them. I rarely see a benefit of being one car length further up the road, so I am very welcoming when other drivers need a little room to budge. Do not dare pull in front of me all jackass-ish and uninvited, but by all means, if you see the courtesy hand wave, come on in.

I need the same courtesy numerous times a week, and often, people are gracious to give it. You know who is not gracious? The wretched woman behind me Friday. Let's discuss.

I am driving down Peachtree and see the red light ahead. I stop sooner than needed to let a car out of an office park. No one is moving, believe me, I am far from creating a traffic jam.

Suddenly, I hear a long and labored horn honking. In fact, I heard so much horn honking I think perhaps there was real danger looming. I look in my rear view mirror, and evidently, the woman behind me in her large truck, wanted to send me a message. Well, unless that's Morse Code you are tapping, I can't decipher. So be a lamb and let's just dial down on the volume, ok?

Perhaps she had cloudy pupils rendering her incapable of seeing the large red orb hanging down above the street a mere 80 feet in front of us, but red means stop.

I gave her a friendly wave because at that moment, it seemed fun. And there are only so many hand gestures available. Then the show began. In addition to the horn honking jamboree, she was waving her arms madly. Charades? I would love to play.

Is there a bee in there with you? No? Oh, you are a baby monkey climbing a tree? Wrong again.

Ohhh, I know! Orchestra Conductor!!!! No?

Mime in Central Park? Hmm.

Oh, an ass? YIPPPEEEEE! I knew I would finally get it.

And by the way, when you do that, hold that horn down for oh, 10 seconds at a time, that does not fluster me even a morsel. And did you flip me off? How very Corey Feldman of you.

So I did what any nice driver would do (especially one planning on making a point). When the light turned green I had two options. Move ahead which was clearly what Angrylina wanted me to do. OR, I could NOT move along. As the cars surged ahead, I now had even more room to be a good Samaritan so I let a few more cars out. It was the end of the day after all, and there was a line of about twenty cars waiting to exit.

And as I patiently let a few sneak out, each one waved, and I waved back. All the while treated to a concerto of Ford Motor Vehicle Horn.

The point is, we had to stop for the light anyway so don't be ridiculous. And thankfully, she stopped honking. Much more and I would have had to stop for a cocktail. Come to think of it, she likely worked up a thirst with that flailing arm workout and was in desperate need of a cocktail too.

This sounds exactly like something I would do. The waving, not the honking. Here's a fun little trick for you too...when someone is riding your ass, as long as you're going 40mph+, try hitting your washer fluid. It will drift onto their windshield and they will have to throw there fluid on as well. It's VERY gratifying and harmless because it's not obvious. I keep an extra jug of fluid with me because I use this fab trick so often :)

My favorites are the speed racers who glue themselves to your bumper when all around them traffic is slowing for some silly, unimportant ambulance driver. How rude of someone to actually dare have a heart attack when they are late for their hot date, parole meeting, mosh pit practice.... "How very Corey Feldman of you" - priceless! Thanks for the giggle this morning. Kathy

Nice Cory Feldman reference!I don't like the asses who lay in on their horn when they want you to turn left on a green (non-protected with an arrow) and you can't see around other cars to know if it's safe or not.

They aren't the ones that will be calling the insurance company with a claim when their car is totalled so they need to chill the hell out.

Love it! I let people over when I see it necessary (and when accompanied by 'the wave' but when I'm chugging along in traffic, I hate when someone cuts in front of me. That car-length space between me and the car in front of me? For my safety, not for you to scrunch your F150 into. Thanks.

Ahh, Peachtree...that was your first mistake. I hate that street and was so happy when I found a new job that didn't require me to drive to 15th and Peachtree. Changed jobs about 2 months before they started the 14th Street Bridge project. I can't imagine what the hassle would have been like for commuting.

Oh, I hate being honked at when I'm actually obeying the traffic laws and lights. I too like to be polite and allow other drivers to pull out of streets and lots when they are waiting but unfortunately, there are those times when I need to get through in a hurry for an emergency and seeing someone hold me up may have me standing on that horn but never because they are stopping at red lights!!

Oh my goodness - that is HILARIOUS! and sounds JUST like something that might happen in MY car!!! so funny!ALSO - love the wiper fluid trick - I've been known to do that too! Also - like to get right beside someone on a 2 lane highway and just hover there, blocking the a-hole behind me!!HILARIOUS!

Loving the angry honker. I have a prob with the confrontation thing and the road rage thing, but for the most aprt I try to keep it toned down to civil level. I love that you just sit there and let a few more sneak in. Love it!

I'm always amused by people who have to race to the red light. Every now and then, karma comes around and takes care of it all. Once a big monster truck passed me and the car in front of me on a double yellow line, honking at us, whilst flipping the bird. The car he passed in front of me? An unmarked police car. Sweeeet! There is a God! - G

Wow. Good for you.I tend to be courteous when driving but if some psycho honker was laying it on thick behind me like that, I would not have handled it as well as you. My bitter elf would emerge and I would turn all vindictivey. I should definitely take a cue from you.

NYC is my favorite place to drive. When you can actually move more than 3 feet at a time that is (otherwise it isn't really driving). But I finally gave up on having a car in the city. I do get my fill of pedestrian-rage on a daily basis tho. It's not quite as fun when you can hear the person's evil remarks. I prefer charades.great post!

While I was still working for the newspaper (and commuting 40 minutes across town to do so), I waged cruel war against an annoying blond woman in a yellow Mini Cooper. Invariably I'd get on two-lane Highway 18 a few minutes ahead of her and, sure enough, a few minutes later she'd come blaring along at 10 miles over the speed limit. I'd be doing my customary two-and-a-half miles over the speed limit, and she, at the soonest available opportunity, would pass me with a contemptuous flourish.

So what did I do? As soon as I saw her coming, I began to slow down. I'd start ambling along contentedly at five miles BELOW the speed limit, and Mrs. Mini Speed Demon, given the two-way traffic on the highway, would be stuck behind me until we entered town and the road widened out. I used to watch her yank her car irritably around mine at Central Road with the most smug of grins on my face. Then I'd have a big congratulatory cocktail that night. Excellent post, ma'am.

I'll keep this story in mind as I too [a native New Yorker] tend to lean on my horn in a bit of rage a tad too long. Really Dale? Everyone has gotten the point. Hats off to you for this post and thanks for the PJ referral.

I like to let people in, too; it often catches them by surprise since in the city we live it is more common to blow people off :D Angrylina needed a bit of an attitude adjustment and you were just the ticket. (Ohhhh...what a great traffic pun ;-)

aww you are a nice one. Now i have an Audi TT so i am the one who pulls out in front of everyone and freaks them out because...erm i can and you wont even have to slow down...just your heart might skip a beat :)