Sunday, June 23, 2013

Vacation from a vacation, anyone??

Oh, Mexico! The land of never, say never.

After two blissful (mostly, details to follow) weeks in the Mexican sun I've learned several new things about myself. 1. If I could get hired to read all day on a beach I would quit my current job. 2. I'm a parent with no backbone. 3. Two weeks without much Internet access is completely divine. Also, I've decided I rely too much on Facebook for spreading the news of our silly little lives. So, here's to half-year resolutions and hoping it doesn't mean half-effort. Blogger's paradise, here I come.

So, Mexico. Ejole! What. A. Trip. Andrew and I have never done the entire two weeks before and I think we learned that with kiddos, its a bit long. Without them- total bliss. :)

The trip started (as some of you know) with a decision to make about our car seat dilemma- to take or not take. We took after we realized that our transfer ride requires one, but does not provide one. Let me just say Thank you sweet little seven pound (maybe He was bigger) Baby Jesus that we took it. The airplane ride TO Mexico was a little slice of heaven. That is, once Chloe stopped kicking the seat in front just because she could. So here come the first of the 'never say nevers'...she watched a movie almost the entire trip. I said I would never let my child be completely enthralled with said entertainment over reading, playing games or talking with us. I LIED. Baby Einstein is not only crack for babies, it's crack for parents who need quiet. (I'm not kidding, I think it really might be telepathically providing my child with crack and I'm fairly okay with that at this point). She's obsessed.

So, anyway, she watched her videos, ate crap I swore I'd never feed her (details to follow) and really enjoyed sharing (at full volume) all the words she knew with all the people around us. Luckily her version of "Doodie" is really cute. Yes, you are correct. We are now talking about feces.
It really wasn't that big of a deal to carry (we bought a rolling bag) and she enjoyed being able to sit in her "Adda" for the entire trip. My girl makes up words... so what. At the point at which we deboarded (is that a word? it is now) the plane, Andrew and I were high-fiving and thinking we were Master Parents. Oh, did God think that was funny.

Anyway, we got to Mexico and life was good. Great. Had a beer and some fresh guac poolside when we arrived. Fantastic. Blissful, in fact. Chloe began her fascination with salt and pepper shakers and was all smiles, which meant so were we. These two weeks were gonna fly, I just knew it.

Then... it was nap time.

Okay, fine. Crib is already in the room. We can head up, I'll finish up the book I'm reading only to start another one (it is vacation, after all) and Andrew can take a nap. We decided that although it would be ideal to hit the sand, we could both handle a few hours of downtime on our porch while Chloe naps. [Cue creepy laughter again.] We get her ready, blanket in hand....and...wait for it.....
BLOOD CURDLING SCREAMS.

I realize I have a tendency to exaggerate things when they are bad, good, happy, sad all the time but seriously, I'm quite surprised the Mexican CPS agents weren't at our door (do they have those?). She had lost her friggin' mind.

I'll fast forward a bit and share the special details of the next few hours. After my attempt at playing the 'calming, but firm mommy' for about 30 minutes I went out on the porch and fell asleep. SO???? don't judge.

Andrew picked up where that pathetic excuse of a mother left off and proceeded to hold Chloe in his arms for the entire two and half hour nap she took. TWO AND A HALF HOURS. I woke up on the balcony to drool and this. Oops.

Some might think he deserves an award, I say he's just trying to make me look bad. And it worked. Chloe was afraid of her new room and had some trouble adjusting. But, the adjusting didn't come to an end just yet.

Dinner is great. Amazing company, good wine. Parents rock. Let's all hit the hay for a fun day in the sun. Sounds good, right? WRONG AGAIN, NIMROD.

We again placed Chloe in the crib (which I believe was made that afternoon by two chipmunks with deposable thumbs. Barely. Hanging. On. She sat up, stared at me while I left the room and then let out a zinger. She cried for the next hour. And parents out there... you KNOW how long an hour is. So did our neighbors. They were pounding the floors, ceilings, walls. It was a special evening. But it wasn't over after an hour. Nope.

For Chloe's next trick she will sleep while standing the FREAK up. Yep. Here is the proof you thought didn't exist.

TWO AND A HALF HOURS. I can't make this stuff, folks. TWO AND A HALF HOURS OF SLEEP STANDING. At that time (let's see, about 1:45 a.m.) I begged Andrew to go get her. **SIDE NOTE, CONFESSION AHEAD**

I have always, always, always sworn I would not have my child sleep with me until they walked their little heinie downstairs for a bad dream or something. (I'm not a monster). But, as a baby, I SWORE it wouldn't happen. Well, it happened...for 45 minutes.

Andrew went and got her and laid her in between us. I figured it was harmless for the first night and we were both exhausted (yes, even after my 2.5 hr nap...i said no judging). She had been sound asleep already, so I figured there was no harm. But there was...literally. After another hour of giving her self a standing ovation for no apparent reason in the total dark, pinching Andrew's nose and pulling my little side hairs (those hurt like you wouldn't believe), she was up and ready to party. It is now 2:45 a.m. Andrew got up (read: parent of the century), rocked her for 30 minutes and put her back in bed (ahem, with us) for the remainder of the night (or until 6 a.m. when he was promptly kicked in the face with a tiny little ninja foot).

Welcome to Paradise. Only thirteen more days to go.

But the truth is, it was paradise. We had perfect weather, lots of fun family time and lots of laughs and time spent doing nothing. It sucked to see the Spurs lose (mostly because I'm married to Andrew) and because also because we wasted five good nights of delicious dinners for take out to watch them blow it away. But... even those nights in were amazing and fun. Mainly because I have a fun, amazing family. Here we are watching the Spurs win.

See? We're fun. Everyone tends to their own personal chaos and it all just works.

And Chloe LOVED being outside all day. She would do it every day if she could, but it is hotter in Texas and there is no beach or awesome poolside drinks. So, I say no. But, she would. However, Chloe's idea of Mexican Riviera vacation is a bit different than, say, anyone else's on the planet. You might be thinking she would enjoy a bit of baby pool action, followed by a quick diaper change and a fun-filled session of sand castle building and snacks? No.

Our days were filled with finding rocks in the flower beds, riding the elevator up and down and up and down and up... you get the picture. And then getting in the water, out of the water. In the water, out of the water. And finished up with carrying the side tables under each umbrella. Carrying them where, you might be asking? Anywhere. Carrying tables IS AWESOME.

trying to decide if it's worth her time.

playing by the trashcan with a bucket full of rocks and a nifty plastic table. my girl was in heaven. hey chloe- the beach is the other way. pshhh. babies.

not a lot of people know this, but plastic side tables are very versatile. they can be carried, yes. but, they can also be placed on top of lounge chairs as well.

in the water and out of the water, 100% of people surveyed agree that she is adorable in Mexico.

so, yes. much of our time was spent at the baby pool, hanging out with other babies that weren't as cute and begging the waiters to make the trek over to the loser pool to bring us drinks. but honestly, we wouldn't have had it any other way. the view is better when you're smiling. or something like that. or maybe nothing like that at all.

here are some fun pics of fam, fun and friends. wow i'm a good writer.

us and the 'rents on a fun night out to dinner. they are easily the most generous people in the world.

my whole world at the beach. one of them is having more fun than the other. don't guess. it's actually depressing how quickly this moment was over.

this was taken seconds before she realized she was sitting in sand.

the first day out at the beach! (after the night from h-e-double hockey sticks).

yes, i know how lucky i am.

its funny how many pictures we took of Chloe in the sand. it happened as many times as you see pics and not a moment more.

my beauty.

oh, and i almost forgot to include a picture of my second never say never. see it and weep. i did. but you know what? it wasn't my idea (the waiter brought it to the table) and it worked like a charm. so SUE me. i got to eat some bread without having to share. worse things have been happened.

(and my third never say never may or may not involved my daughter sucking ranch dressing off a french fry and then eating them. WHAT? quit judging, it was honestly Coco's fault.)

oh, and this definitely happened. just wanted y'all to see it, too. also, it should be noted it was 8 in the MORNING. this = awesome. (and yes, i'm going straight to hell. see you there.)

just a mom. a mom shopping for crap in a Mexican tienda. with a shopping cart made of small baby crates painted bright colors and tiny, crooked wheels. no biggie.

what a fun night full of mariachis, big margaritas and REAL MEXICAN FOOD! yummo.

Coco and Baby Luke! The happiest baby on the planet... who did a great job of showing up his older cousin in the pool. The man has some serious swim moves.

my amazing parents and a big a$$ margarita.

i've decided this is the only way traveling for two weeks with an 18 month old sounds like a good idea.

cute babies headed to playa del carmen!

the beach gang- andrew, dad and patrick were off playing golfo.

after an amazingly delicious lunch at the mayakoba resort. truly a stunning place.
(brooker was off scuba diving in Cozumel).

just another day in paradise.

my parents even babysat one night while andrew and i went out with brooker and shane!

super excited to finally meet him. great company, great dinner! our only group pic also included my aura. its a bit cloudy and overbearing. hmm. weird.

date night with a hottie in mexico. lucky me.

almost famous.

it rained a few days, which as the whitest member of my family, i have grown to appreciate. everyone sees the clouds and frowns. i see them and say, THREE CHEERS TO THE TANLESS NERDS!

so all in all, we had a blast.

oh, who am i kidding? no story is complete without an ending. and boy do we have one. if you are still reading this, i'm sorry i'm a long-winded writer with little to no apparent skill. but, bear with me for one more paragraph or three.

so for most of the trip (and i do mean 12 out of 14 days) Chloe had a small rash on the back of her knees. we all assumed heat rash, as it went away each night after she cooled down and had her bath. some days it wouldn't show up at all. but on our way home, the rash returns with vengeance. she gets a low grade temp and i'm worried at this point she may have an allergy to something or *gasp* have an ear infection. she goes to bed the night before we fly home and wakes up with a slightly worse rash. no fever. no other symptoms. by the time we get to the airport the rash is uglier, bigger and now on her neck. awesomeeeeeeee.

long story short (and i do mean short)... remember our first night in Cancun? sleep-standing, tantrums, no sleep and a swift kick into andrew's face? well, TAKE TWO. although this time it involved, NO SLEEP whatsoever, and a busted lip on MY FACE direct from Chloe's head. different night, same ol' pathetic story. PLUS... are you ready for this?

a diagnosis of impetigo. if you don't know what it is, consider yourself lucky. if you do, at least I have some of your pity as a consolation prize. thank you.