The dilemma I'm 15 years old and last June I started dating a girl at my school. We were together until January, when she dumped me. During the summer the relationship did not mean much to me, but, as the year progressed, we became closer, and I was starting to love the fact I was going out with someone so pretty and clever. We often did stuff together, but there were many times when she just didn't want to interact with me. There was one particular boy I started to get worried about and she was forever pulling out her phone in front of me to arrange her next meet-up with him.

I talked to my friends about my jealousy and even arranged a meeting with the school counsellor to try to curb these emotions. She broke off our relationship because she said we no longer acted like best friends and she didn't have much fun with me any more. I have since found out that she is with this other boy. I feel terrible. Everyone at school knows my situation and I am not embarrassed but upset that I have never got so much as a "how are you feeling now?" from peers. I know that this is just a standard case of teenage heartbreak, but how do I get over her?

Mariella replies Sounds to me like the loss is all hers! Emotionally literate and an Observer reader by 15 is a killer combination. I've met men three times your age who were less discerning. I know it's not fashionable to say so, but you will have to toughen up a bit though. We women are forever banging on about wanting your sex to articulate their feelings better, but you're possibly overindulging in that skill at present.

Your current trials and tribulations will mean little to those going through similar agonies themselves. Along with many positive attributes, youth is renowned for two less appealing traits: self-indulgence and a lack of empathy. Presently you're experiencing both; a lack of sympathy from your peers married to indulgence in the demise of your first love. Rationally speaking, and I know you are a rational man-in-waiting, you were hardly likely to walk off into the sunset together. That would be like writing Hamlet as your debut play. If all the exciting things in a lifetime have taken place before A levels the next seven decades would be pretty dreary affairs.

You may think you know everything about matters of the heart now that you've endured the peaks and troughs of this affair. Trust me, you're not even off the starting block. At 15 you're taking your first tentative steps. Your lack of familiarity with the emotions you've been exposed to will have heightened the pleasure and excitement but also accentuated the pain. It's that Yin and Yang thing. The heights of passion (mental and physical) we experience in youth seldom affect us so profoundly in later life. For the more pragmatic it's a deal we are happy to do, relinquishing the ecstasy, maybe, but also reducing the agony of our interaction with other human beings.

That doesn't mean these youth years don't count. In many ways they will be, as the song goes, the best years of your life, so it might be an idea to avoid further intense forays into romance until you've mastered the art of resilience. You can't go around wearing your heart on your sleeve and expecting others to indulge you. As you grow older, apart from parents, possibly siblings and a couple of significant friends, few others are interested or invested in your emotional wellbeing. That's not to say they don't like being in on the story, just that they're only along for the emotional ride on your coat-tails. You don't want to be the main attraction with your heart pulsating for all to witness.

Love is a private affair that's invariably diminished by spectators. Just look at how tawdry all those forensically trammelled relationships in the pages of Hello! and OK! seem. It's far better to weep and write bad poems than bleat loudly in the ears of the crowd. You've certainly got a right to mourn this girl, but once your farewell starts adding up to a significant percentage of your time on this earth you have to take stock.

Next time around trust your instincts and don't put up with behaviour that causes you upset. Lovers will come and go but you're stuck with yourself so we all need to learn to say goodbye with equanimity and hello with enthusiasm. You're young, she's gone and soon someone equally "clever and pretty" will take her place. You're going to find it horribly patronising, but trust me when I say it's just a matter of time.