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Yanny, Laurel, Meditate (repeat) and the Gucci harem trousers

This was the week we quite frankly excelled ourselves as a human race by spending our valuable life minutes deciding, and then discussing at length, whether an audio clip was saying the word "Yanny" or "Laurel".

Devised to have a divisive effect, with no sight of future cohesion, this electronic voice has been dumped onto the internet to distract decent folk from more beneficial uprising, this reporter surmises.

There were a sprinkling of people with more pressing matters on their minds. Some - arguably - more worthy than others. Let's dive in and take a look at what they were...

Against the clownish cacophony of pompous Brexit voices, one million students have piped up with the words, "listen to me". The students, from an array of colleges and universities across the country, have joined forces to demand a "people's vote" before the final Brexit deal is cemented.

They have written to MPs with the argument that many of them were too young to vote in the 2016 referendum but, on the basis this decision will affect their age bracket more than any other, they deserve to have a say now.

These students have not fully appraised themselves of the rules of the Brexit game however. In particular the rule which states that whilst, undeniably, Brexit is "The Will of the People" - indeed it is the will of that people which is driving these shenanigans ever doggedly forward - that Will comes very much in the singular.

Whilst we absolutely must honour that first Will "to the very death" - there is no room for a second will. Indeed the will of the people is what could be called a first and last chance saloon.

Other people, namely parents, couldn't care less about any of that. They have far greater trials and tribulations on their minds - namely the dangers of party bags. In a move laced with what this reporter can only name as ingratitude, a body of mums and dads have slammed their fellow child rearers for handing out all manner of dangerous objects at the end of parties concealed in innocent-looking cellophane bags. 'Dangerous objects' include bouncy balls and other small items their child, as a matter of course, will put into their mouths and choke on.

It is absolutely down to the party-giving parent to remedy this terrible, and potentially lethal oversight of the safety rules, they declare and nothing to do with their own personal parental responsibility, such as telling their children not to try and swallow balls.

Meanwhile someones started destroying the ozone layer again. In direct contradiction to what we all learnt back in the 80s, that CFC's were very, very bad and were indeed wrenching open a hole in the earth's protective layer somewhere in the region of Antarctica, it appears one individual didn't get the memo.

And whilst we all dutifully threw out the aerosols and refrigerators containing these earth destroying chemicals, it appears somewhere out there either some still remained or a devious deviant has started manufacturing more.

An official trace has been run on the origins of this latest CFC production and so far it has been narrowed down to somewhere in Asia. The official line from the science agency in the US looking into all this is: "Somebody who was maybe doing it purposefully will realise - oh, someone is paying attention - and stop doing it".

Isn't it good to know we are in such safe hands?

This reporter suggests we all head to Fabric nightclub in London for a spot of much-needed meditation. For one night only, the newspapers report, the club is swapping "hedonism for mindfulness and mocktails". Silence will reign over thumping dance beats in an event by self-styled meditation guru Will Williams, who just so happens to have a new book out called 'The Effortless Mind'.

The aim, Mr Williams says, is to attract a new generation to the "inner joys of meditation". And the former booking agent, for bands and musicians, should know. He declares he used to "indulge in every bit of debauchery you can think of". His most famous fellow meditating client is Howard Donald from Take That.

This reporter will be there with bells on and she will be wearing these harem-style trousers from Gucci, in a bid to blend in. And by the way, it's "Laurel".

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