Saturday, January 5, 2013

Digging Holes

We have a puppy. A six month old Great Dane puppy named Georgia. It's been so long since I've blogged that you haven't met her yet. I'll blog about her another day. For now let's just say that she is on her way to being one fantastic dog.

But until then, she's a puppy with quite a few of those annoying puppy behaviors. Like digging. And sniffing people's butts like she was inhaling cocaine after a week of tweaking. I won't blog about that, though. It's gross.

We have a pretty large backyard for Air Force base housing. We used to have weeds that were green enough to pass for grass, but after the introduction of our newest four-legged monster, most of the green has been ripped up by giant puppy paws. Our backyard is now a dust bowl waiting to happen.

Because of this lack of yard awesomeness, I would not care one tiny bit if Georgia dug holes in the yard. But being a member of this family, she does things out of the ordinary, not expected, and just plain wrong.

Her favorite digging spot? Let me paint you a mental picture:

Start in the dining room. Go out the back sliding glass door. Close the door behind
you or we will all die of fly infestation. Do not proceed. Look down, immediately to
your right. There you will see a patch of earth once covered with a thin layer of
mulch that Georgia has since eaten and pooped all over the yard. This patch is
surrounded by the house on one side, small patios on either end, and a sidewalk
on the other side. The corner closest to the door, oh, maybe five inches away,
Georgia has decided is bad, BAD!, and needs to be punished with her huge paws.

So what? Who cares? Me. She digs with her monstrous backhoes of doom and covers the patio and sidewalk with mounds of pre-dust dirt.

I tried to cover it with the bin we use to store bike helmets and black widows. She dug directly next to it. I covered that spot with a huge rock. She dug next to that. Why? What's in there? What is she hoping to gain from such a deep earth attack?

Let's look at this in a purely scientific way. The nerd-girl way.

How many times have we used the phrase "dig a hole to China"? I use it almost daily since Georgia started this digging quest.

Let's suspend logic and reason and pretend she COULD dig a hole through the Earth. We begin our dig here in Del Rio, Texas, on the U.S.-Mexico border. Now, if she were to dig in a straight line, not down to center of the Earth, but straight through it to the other side, where would she end up?

Right! China! Funny how that saying is so true. To be precise, somewhere in the Qaidam Basin of China.

I'm not sure about you, but I'm not too keen to go to the Qaidam Basin. Maybe later.

Now, let's assume Georgia is influenced by gravity and digs straight down to the center of the Earth. And assuming she is already on a straight course, she continues digging past the core and keeps on going to the other side of the world. Where would she end up then?

If she dug straight through the core and kept on going, she would dig her way to a small island chain in the Indian Ocean called the Chagos Archepelago. There is an island there called Diego Garcia that, coincidentally, Jerry has been deployed to three time since 9/11. From what I hear it's a pretty nice place. Much better than the Qaidam Basin.

You know what, Georgia? Keep on digging, girl. You're going in the right direction!