Getting the Sleep You Need

BCmollee: Welcome to our chat with Jodi Mindell, one of our experts here at BabyCenter. She is world-renowned sleep expert and author of How to Get a Good Night's Sleep. Today we'll chat on sleep issues for both adults and kids. And now some opening remarks from Dr. Mindell.

Dr. Jodi Mindell: As always, it's great to be here. I would be happy to answer any questions about sleep. Given that it is Sleep Awareness Day, now is the time to get control over your sleep that you need.

Heaven3: I have twins. How can I get them to sleep through the night?

Dr. Jodi Mindell: Ah, twins. Interestingly enough, I have just started collecting data on twins' sleep. But for your immediate purposes, the most important thing is to start getting them on a schedule. How are old are they?

Heaven3: They are five months old.

Dr. Jodi Mindell:You are right at the time when they can start sleeping for longer periods of time. A couple of things — start looking for signs that they are tired (e.g., rubbing eyes, cranky). Right when they are tired, put them down for their nap or bedtime. Another thing is to start letting them fall asleep on their own. That may be hard at first but soon they'll get the hang of it.

Heaven3: I understand that, but they don't have any rhyme or reason to their sleeping or eating. One is 6 lbs., and the other is 10 1/2.

Dr. Jodi Mindell:Sleeping — babies of their age usually are ready to sleep after they are awake for two hours. Also, given their size, it may be a bit longer until they are ready to sleep through the night.

Heaven3: Thank you...

GwenH: I have a two-year-old boy who is still not sleeping through the night. We have the bad 'habit' of nursing him to sleep. Will I be setting him up for any significant future sleep problems if we don't break this pattern? Or will he outgrow this phase since breastfeeding won't last "forever" and learn to fall asleep on his own?

Dr. Jodi Mindell: You are right that the problem is that he nurses to sleep. Babies (toddlers) who nurse to sleep, bottle-feed, or get rocked only know how to fall asleep that way. When they wake during the night, they can't go back to sleep without it. So, what you need to do is start having him fall asleep on his own at bedtime. In the middle of the night, do whatever you normally do. Once he puts himself to sleep at bedtime within a week he will be sleeping through the night! Give it a try — it will make a world of difference.

Julie654: Could I share our experience on this? We began "reading to sleep" around this age — cuddling in their own bed or with a sibling and reading till they doze off. This helps them to accomplish falling asleep on their own. Within a week or so, they were able to look at a book by themselves and fall asleep by themselves.

duncansmommy: Hello! My son is 10 1/2 months old and has never really slept through the night. He sleeps with my DH and I, and nurses about twice each night. The problem lately is that he wakes up thrashing and crying and crawling, pawing at my face and sort of crawling up on me! It's almost as though he is "sleepcrawling." Is this a behavior you have heard of? Why does he seem so upset, and why is he so determined to crawl all over me?

Dr. Jodi Mindell: What your son is doing is "normal," meaning that although it seems strange there is nothing wrong. It is the exact same thing as sleepwalking, but for him it's crawling.

duncansmommy: Why does he do this? It is hard to calm him down afterward.

Dr. Jodi Mindell: You often see this at this age and you often see it with sleep deprivation. Yes, it is exactly like night terrors. Not much you can do but make sure he is safe.

duncansmommy: Sleep deprivation? You know, he does not nap much at all during the day.

Dr. Jodi Mindell: Also, the more you try to console him, the more upset he may become. If you work on getting him to nap, I wouldn't be surprised if these go away.

duncansmommy: What should we do then, if not console him? Thanks!

Dr. Jodi Mindell: I would just watch him, do whatever he requests, but back off if he gets more upset.

julienjon: My three-and-a-half-month-old son wakes up crying and tired from his naps, which usually last only about 30-45 minutes. How can I solve this? Thank you!

Dr. Jodi Mindell: Your three-and-a-half-month-old will start doing better as his body gets regulated. You should look at, though, how it is that he is falling asleep. If he is not falling asleep on his own, you will want to work on this issue. Once your son can put himself to sleep, it's likely that he will sleep longer.

julienjon: Thank you!

Kalynn: We have been trying to break our son of the habit of bringing a bottle to bed. Without it he screams forever — one time he screamed for 30-45 minutes before I gave in. To make it worse, he is tired when we put him down. What can we do?

Dr. Jodi Mindell: For your little guy, it's hard to give up the bottle. Rather than go the cold turkey approach, decrease the amount in the bottle by two ounces each night. After two ounces, get rid of it. One ounce is such a tease. By the way, how old is he?

Kalynn: We are only giving him a 4-ounce bottle now. He is a year old.

Dr. Jodi Mindell: You can drop it by one ounce a day then. Also, you need to decide whether to get rid of all bottles.

Kalynn: So, do I have to decrease the amount at nap times too?

Dr. Jodi Mindell: If you are going to do that, then make it a big event, and talk up how he is a big boy.

Kalynn: We only have one bottle and three nipples in the house.

Dr. Jodi Mindell: Yes, decrease at naptimes too. By giving in after 45 minutes it has just taught him to scream forever because eventually he'll get one. Once you decide to get rid of it, stick to your plan and within three nights he'll be fine.

Kalynn: That's very true, but he had tears and all.

Dr. Jodi Mindell: It is very sad, I agree.

jackmichael: My seven-month-old screams every time my husband tries to put him to sleep (naps or at night). This screaming can last for at least one hour if I don't come in. My son can get himself to sleep on his own when I put him down. My husband used to be able to put him down without any problem.

BCmollee: Oh no, jack! That must make your hubby feel awful.

jackmichael: It does...

Dr. Jodi Mindell: Ah, a common issue — parental preferences. Sit down with your husband and work out that you both do exactly the same thing at bedtime and then for a few days to a week, come in at the end and give one last goodnight kiss. With this transition, he'll hopefully go back to being fine for daddy again.

jackmichael: We do almost identical "put-down routines."

Dr. Jodi Mindell: Jackmichael, then it's just a stage he's going through. Stick with it and don't give up on daddy doing bedtime.

jackmichael: Thank you, Dr. Mindell.

whydochickens: My six-and-three-quarters-month-old girl sleeps an average of 11 hours a night and takes three to four naps (one hour each) per day, but lately the naps last only 30 to 45 minutes, and then she's cranky till her next nap. The last nap of the day is hardest to do (nap at 4:30, bedtime at 7:00), but if she misses that one she's miserable. What can I do to make sure she gets appropriate sleep during the day without messing up her wonderful night routine? Thank you.

Dr. Jodi Mindell: I would start stretching the amount of time that she is awake between naps. By prolonging the time, she'll be sleepier and should start sleeping for longer periods of time. This should regulate her to sleeping fewer times but for longer.

whydochickens: But it seems that if she is "overly tired" her naps are shorter...

Kalynn: This question is for a friend of mine. She has a seven-month-old who is not sleeping through the night. Her daughter wakes up two to three times a night and then takes about an hour to get back to sleep. Mom is becoming an insomniac and in desperate need of some help with sleep.

Dr. Jodi Mindell: I'm not surprised, as she will have more disrupted sleep, but within a week she'll start getting better. At seven months, two to three naps (rather than three to four) are normal. Then kids start having one nap around 15 to 18 months. Your friend absolutely needs to get some more sleep. Parents often forget how important is it for their children that they get plenty of sleep, too. So, tell her to first work on getting her little one to fall asleep on her own at bedtime. See my book Sleeping Through the Night on lots of helpful hints on how to do that. Within one to two weeks, you should have a good sleeper and you'll get some rest!

Pooh98Bear: I have a seven-month-old who was sleeping from 10:30 p.m. to 7:30 a.m. and is now sleeping from midnight or later to 9:00 a.m. How can I get her back on schedule?

Dr. Jodi Mindell: A common event — a great sleeper starts having problems. This is very common between ages six and nine months. First of all, go back to what you did before that worked. Next, don't keep her up all day. The better a baby sleeps during the day, the better she'll sleep at night.

Pooh98Bear: She only takes two naps a day.

Dr. Jodi Mindell: Also, go back to your earlier bedtime. It will make a world of difference.

Pooh98Bear: We never changed anything with her...

Dr. Jodi Mindell: Two naps a day are fine for a seven-month-old — one morning, one afternoon. Her naps should total about three to four hours.

Pooh98Bear: She only sleeps half an hour each nap. Perhaps that's why.

Dr. Jodi Mindell: It seems to be developmental, not something that you did. Just stick with what worked, and it will sort itself out.

duncansmommy: Dr. Mindell, my Duncan went through a period at about six months when I could lay him down for a nap when he was tired, but ever since then, all naps and bedtime have required an elaborate "ritual!" Are we putting him down before he's truly tired? How can we tell? He seems ready, rubbing his eyes and acting fussy. Help!

Dr. Jodi Mindell: If he's giving you signs, he's probably ready for his nap. Figure out a routine (short) that works for you and then stick with it for about a week. He will adjust. Also make sure that he is falling asleep on his own. It makes a world of difference sleep-wise.

jackmichael: Dr. Mindell, getting back to the parental preferences issue, what do we do when my son has been crying with my husband because he wants his mom to put him down for a nap? Do I come in and take over, or do I let them try to sort it out? It can literally go on for an hour or more, and I can't bear it.

Dr. Jodi Mindell: I would come in for a visit, not to take over. By taking over, you are giving him reason to fuss with daddy. Also, it is sending a message to both baby and dad that only mom can do things right. What does your husband want you to do?

jackmichael: My husband wants him to stop crying, but he wants to be able to do it on his own, when I am not there.

Dr. Jodi Mindell: That's good. Visit, but give them both the means necessary to do this on their own.

BCmollee: Jack, it will happen...be patient with your hubby and let him try — it will make life easier.

GwenH: How do you help a two-year-old to "learn" to fall asleep on his or her own? Do we have to endure some crying-it-out to accomplish this? It seems like we will be trading one comforting bedtime routine (nursing to sleep) for another 'crutch' such as a book, or cuddly toy, etc. Am I missing the point?

Dr. Jodi Mindell: Unfortunately, your little one may be upset for a couple of nights. But what you are replacing is something that involves you versus something that he can do on his own and something that he can do in the middle of the night when he wakes up. Quick sleep info — everyone wakes up at night, it's just whether you are able to fall back to sleep immediately or need something (like mom) to go back to sleep.

BCmollee: If I can add an anecdote, my guy at 19 months was still nursing, so we just made sure we had our last nursing session of the day before he was ready to fall asleep. He then got used to not being nursed to sleep.

Dr. Jodi Mindell: Right!! Feel free to nurse as part of the bedtime routine, but not to sleep. My little one nursed until 19 months, but it was never tied to falling asleep.

Pooh98Bear: Bethany (7 months) will only go to sleep for the night in her swing, and she is getting too big for it. She wants to play if I rock her, and screams if we put her in her crib. How can I make the transition to the crib without the swing?

Dr. Jodi Mindell: Yes, Bethany needs to start falling asleep in her swing.??? She'll sleep better in a crib. The transition will take a few days to a week. Start with just bedtime or naptimes and then add the other sleep times as she gets the hang of it. Soon, she'll refuse to sleep in her swing.

1stTimerMom: My 12-week-old is sleeping pretty well — 8:00 p.m. to 5:00 a.m. The problem is that once he wakes up at five, he won't go back to sleep in his crib. Instead, he'll fall asleep in bed with us. Any advice?

Dr. Jodi Mindell: With a bit of time, your 12-week-old will start sleeping longer. It is up to you what you want to do. You can try to feed her and put her back in her crib or wait another month or so and see if she starts sleeping longer.

BCmollee: Dr. Mindell can you tell us what the top four ways to get more sleep for babies are?

Avoid caffeine/alcohol at bedtime or late evening. Both interfere with sleep.

Make sure you have a comfortable bed, bedclothes, etc.

Psaid: How do we change sleep times for children to help them sleep better?

Dr. Jodi Mindell: There are three choices: First, for children who are not getting enough sleep, moving their bedtime earlier often results in them sleeping longer — it has to do with internal clocks. Second, for those getting enough sleep, you can try playing around with what time bedtime occurs. Third, some kids are just early morning risers. By the way, the time change is coming...just a reminder. That means it may be hard to get your child to fall asleep at bedtime but they will sleep later in the morning.

BCmollee: As this is Sleep Awareness Day nationwide, do you have any more advice?

Dr. Jodi Mindell: Remember that it is really important for you and your children to get a good night's rest. Make it a priority and you'll be thankful! Thanks for having me!

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