Monday, October 22, 2012

I guess it's better then "Sucking for Luck" so in that regard I'm supporting Mike Martin of Panama Bay, Florida as my designated "Nobody Likes a Jerk Oyster Shucker of The Year".

Martin successfully defended his title of Top US Oyster Shucker for the 3rd year in a row on Sunday in St. Mary's County, MD. What you didn't know there was a top oyster shucker award? Don't worry you're not alone.

Martin beat out a full field including the first ever woman to appear in the finals for the title. But this is the catch, in his acceptance speech, he actually said, "I just had God behind me, I guess, the last three years...".

WOW...G-d was behind you in this venture? So the Ruler of all Creation, Lord of Everything He Sees, Creator of the World took time out of his busy Sunday schedule of helping wide receivers, quaterbacks, and sometimes even a kicker win football games (because of course their skill, ability, and all the time and dedication of their support staff had nothing do to with it what-so-ever), to help you win an oyster shucking contest in Maryland.

Which of course leads me to the point of why was the "National Title" decided in Maryland. When you think of oysters, cities like New Orleans, New York, and even Boston come to mind. Heck, I'd even be OK with Baltimore. But St. Mary's county? Really? Really?

I'll let my general level of disdain settle down a bit for the choice of location to crown a champion and go back to his general remarks about help from a divine presence. If G-d can help you win the Oyster Shucking Title how come he's not helping prevent bloodshed in Syria? Why isn't he helping heal this country of it's bigotry and intolerance by allowing all people to have a voice and understanding attitudes toward others? Why wasn't he helping Stephen Hill catch that ball as time was winding down in the fourth quarter yesterday?

Oh yes, because he was helping you win some meaningless title. So I will blame you for the fact the Jets couldn't put away the game in the final minutes...way to go Mike!

But seriously....you didn't have G-d on your side. You had a shucking knife, no major career advancements, and lots if time to practice. No amount of your religious faith came into the equation. If you think it did, how do you explain your opponent finishing 14 seconds after you? Did she not have a higher power looking over her? Was she Jewish (which would have been ironic, what with the Keshruit laws and shellfish).

Why do you think that a high power is at play at something so completely skill based as shucking oysters. I don't remember hearing the Dishwasher of the Year thank Jesus for helping her. Just stick to shucking.

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