Category: Overdraft

In Chicago, there seem to be two kinds of people, Democrats (see: Obama, Barack) and dumbasses (see: Obama, Barack), but I repeat myself. Michael James is the co-dumbass, I mean co-owner of a local eatery called the Heartland Cafe. Over the period of 18 months the bank account that James used for his cafe accrued $118,000 in overdraft charges! 118 Large. 118 Big Ones. A shitload. It wasn’t until six months ago that James realized that something in his bank account was amiss. I hate to excerpt this much of an article, but it’s necessary to the plot. From walletpop.com, here’s the scoop: “James told WalletPop in a telephone interview that “non-sufficient Funds,” or “NSF,” appeared daily because credit card payments to the restaurant’s bank account weren’t credited until the day after the bank knew they were deposited, creating an overdraft on checks that James and co-owner Katy Hogan wrote. James declined to name the bank, which won’t lend him money. (No shit?)

“Somehow it’s the banks and how this is organized,” he said. (It couldn’t be that you’re a dumbass?)

“I didn’t realize the gravity of it” until six months ago, James said, when the overdraft fees became a daily occurrence at the restaurant, which opened in 1976 as a hangout for hippies. Footage of a visit by President Obama before he was president was used in his campaign. (It took only 12 months to see that you’re a hundred grand overdrawn?)

“I dug a deeper pit. It’s like a whirlpool sucking you in,” said James, who admits the financial pit he dug was his fault, but he also cites the recession and not hiring a professional accountant. (It’s George Bush’s fault!)

Here’s the kicker into an unrivaled level of dumbassery, “I have a sense that I’m going to be a better businessman because of this,” he said. Hey, dumbass, if you had any sense it wouldn’t have taken a full year to know that you were in deep doo doo.

The Grande Finale: “They gave us some of the money back because we have a bank machine of theirs” in the restaurant, he said. However, given everything that has happened, James said he doubts he’ll keep the bank’s ATM when and if he changes banks.” You.Can’t.Make.This.Stuff.Up. Dumbass.