Short, stocky little people with big noses, beards, blue tunics, and red pointy hats. Once related to dwarves but got much shorter and weirder. During a war with goblins, when the dwarves were having a box shortage, the gnomes went off to look for a better life. Unfortunately, many were captured and made as slaves, tending the gardens of dumb suburban people. Some managed to escape, only to be eeking out a living in the woods and living in burrow-like homes, like those of hobbits. Worse yet, they had been cursed by an evil tract-house developer to freeze into a clay form when a human sees them. Despite this, they are occasionally stolen by certain creepy french girls. Lately, a few gnomes were free of the curse and appear to be traveling around the world, sending back silly postcards with their mugs on them. Sadly, one gnome was crushed to death by a 2000 pound ball of baked pizza dough covered with melted cheese. A wrongful-death lawsuit with the Domino's Pizza Corporation is pending.

Thank's to that french jr. high foreign-exchange bitch, my gnome's in Tokyo on the god-damn bullet train! Junior - mow the lawn! Where's the phone book...I want some pizza!....