Guy Arrested for Stealing a Half-Full Can of PBR

Look, we know it’s hot outside, and we know there’s nothing better on a scorching day than a nice cold beer. But wielding a weapon and stealing the one someone else is already drinking?

Back in April, Nehemiah Winters, 35, was wandering around a neighborhood in Lincoln, NE when he happened upon 21-year-old Jessica Robertson having a beer with friends on her patio. After asking Robertson for a beer twice and being refused both times, Winters finally left.

When he returned a short time later, he lifted his shirt to reveal something with a black and silver handle in his waistband. Robertson thought it was a knife, and after wisely deciding the Pabst Blue Ribbon in her hand wasn’t worth dying for, she handed it over and Winters fled.

It didn’t take long for police to find and arrest him. He still had the partial can of beer and his trusty weapon — which turned out to be an ordinary dinner fork. Forking idiot.

But Robertson didn’t have to mourn her lost suds for long. A sales manager at the Pabst Brewing Company heard her tale and personally delivered 60 cans of PBR for her next party, which we’re assuming she’ll have indoors.