In each episode of Out of My Mind, one person talks to journalist Adam Dudding about their life, and the view from inside their head. These first-person dispatches from the front lines of mental health are moving, yet also full of moments of surprise, tenderness and humour. There are seven episodes. Two are available now and the following five will be released each Monday.

Trailer: Out of My Mind

Coming soon: Stuff’s new podcast Out of My Mind is a series of true stories about mental health, told by the people who’ve been there.

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1: Angels and Demons -Egan Bidois

I remember the doctor saying to my parents: ‘Your son Egan?
He’s not coming home. He’s completely untreatable.’
And I remember the look in my parents’ eyes:
it was the look of someone’s hope dying.

Listen
Warning: Strong language and discussion of suicide. To talk to a counsellor, call or text free to 1737.

2: The paroxetine diaries -Ashleigh Young

I’ve tried a lot of things: Meditation. Hot yoga.
Cycling. Saunas. Cold showers. More sleep. Less sleep.
Acupuncture. Therapy. I tried giving up caffeine and
it was awful! I believe in the power of a cup of tea.

Listen
Warning: Strong language and discussion of suicide. To talk to a counsellor, call or text free to 1737.

3: Crossing the lines- Monday August 19

3: Crossing the lines -“Hanna Smith”

That damned voice was going round in my head: ‘Why can’t you do this?
Other mothers manage to defrost chicken without burning down the house.
And sure, they get angry at their kids but they don’t lash out.’

Listen
Warning: Strong language and discussion of suicide. To talk to a counsellor, call or text free to 1737. More on post-natal depression here.

4: Fight or flight- Monday August 26

4: Fight or flight -Jami-Lee Ross

We put ourselves in glossy brochures, looking
the perfect picture of what we want the public to
believe we are. It wasn’t until it all exploded that
I realised what was going on in my head.

Listen
Warning: Strong language and discussion of suicide. To talk to a counsellor, call or text free to 1737.

5: Another realm- Monday September 2

5: Another realm -Karlo Mila

When my father arrived his face morphed into something devil-like.
People that I loved shape-shifted right in front of me. And you can’t
stop it just because you don’t believe it’s true.

Listen
Warning: Strong language and discussion of suicide. To talk to a counsellor, call or text free to 1737.

6: Harvey Milk and the dinosaurs- Monday September 9

6: Harvey Milk and the dinosaurs -Andy Cawston

The Foreign Legion parachute out of aeroplanes,
fight wars and slither through jungles, and for some
people that might have some appeal. But for me it was
an opportunity to reboot and start again.

Listen
Warning: Discussion of suicide.

7: Barbed wire- Monday September 16

7: Barbed wire -Taimi Allan

One place was like the best Betty Ford Clinic – all tempura
fish and espressos and people walking around with floaty scarves.
And then there was the other extreme, with padded walls and
barbed-wire fences.

Listen
Warning: Strong language and discussion of suicide. To talk to a counsellor, call or text free to 1737.

Credits

This podcast was made with support from a Like Minds Like Mine grant from the Mental Health Foundation.

Suicide Crisis Helpline

Youthline

Kidsline

The Lowdown

Supporting Families

Even as a child, EGAN BIDOIS sees and hears unusual things,
but when the visions become intolerable, his life changes forever.

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ASHLEIGH YOUNG is sick of the side effects of her depression medication.
But what do you do if quitting makes you feel even worse?
(More about Ashleigh’s books here, and her blog here)

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“HANNA” thinks she’s coping with a second baby,
but hormonal swings, life stresses and past trauma
push her to the brink of catastrophe.

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Senior politician JAMI-LEE ROSS’s breakdown played
out in the glare of constant media attention. He
walks through his year from hell.

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KARLO MILA is overcome by terrifying visions while visiting Tonga.
Years later, she starts to question what was really going on as
her reality fractured. (More about Karlo’s writing here.)

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ANDY CAWSTON decides that abandoning his family to take
up arms abroad will solve all his problems. But the answers
actually lie much closer to home.

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In her 20s, TAIMI ALLAN is told she faces a life of institutionalisation and crippling psychiatric drugs.
It takes a long time for her realise that isn’t true. More about Taimi’s NGO, Changing Minds, here.