It’s that contradictory phenomenon where the rescue boat has a hole in the bottom. It’s as though this franchise was the inspiration for Alanis Morissette’s ode to life’s bizarre incongruities, “Ironic,” almost 20 years ago.

If a deer had jetted in front of Burleson’s GMC Yukon, it would’ve been dumb luck. But, no, there had to be the screwy symmetry of a Lions wide receiver lunging to grab a loose pizza when he should’ve devoted his full attention to driving.

Did Burleson “catch” the pizza? Wouldn’t that be ironic?

This isn’t intended to trivialize Burleson’s accident. Distracted driving is a growing problem. He’s a very fortunate person that all he suffered was a broken arm. He could’ve been killed. He could’ve been paralyzed. Whatever on-field losses the Lions endure in future games due to Burleson’s absence is nothing compared to what could’ve been lost.

Michigan State Police said alcohol wasn’t a factor in the accident that occurred around 2:30 a.m. Tuesday. Burleson had been at Happy’s Pizza & Pub in West Bloomfield for a “Monday Night Football” appearance and, according to linebacker Stephen Tulloch, who was with him, they did not drink.

Doctors scheduled surgery for Burleson on Wednesday. Jim Schwartz told reporters today that he doesn’t believe Burleson’s injury will end his season. But the slot receiver definitely miss a substantial amount of time, leaving Schwartz and general manager Martin Mayhew scrambling for a suitable replacement.

There’s no better short-term alternative than trusting oft-injured Ryan Broyles to fill that void. That’s a gamble. But the Lions have no choice, because there are no definitive answers on the trade/free agent market.

Randy Moss? Terrell Owens? Please. If either was still capable of contributing, don’t you think they’d already be on another team’s roster?

Schwartz maintained an air of calm when discussing how the Lions will move forward during Burleson’s recovery. But you wonder if, during a private moment upon hearing the news, Schwartz openly pondered whether the football gods simply have it out for this team.

Even the most imaginative screenwriter couldn’t conjure up this script. Just two days after the Lions snapped one of their more humiliating streaks — never having won in Washington, D.C. — everyone’s reminded why Lions optimism possesses a shelf life of minutes.

Burleson and I talked about that following the Lions’ 27-20 victory over the Redskins. The Lions had been 0-21 on the road against Washington.

“You never get a chance to relax as a Detroit Lion,” Burleson, 32, told me.

He said he loved the challenge of silencing doubters. Bring on the next losing streak. Bring on the next demon. He thought the Lions needed such skepticism. It would keep them hungry, keep them energized, keep them focused on rewriting Lions history one day at a time.

Two days later, the past remains intertwined with the present.

Isn’t it ironic?

Columnist Drew Sharp will answer your questions about all things Detroit sports in a live chat at 11 a.m. Wednesday at freep.com/sports. Submit early questions here.