ISSN: 1525-898XObservations by and for the vaguely disenchanted by Kevin G. Barkes

Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video,
raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance
of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.

Moses (Charlton Heston) leads an exodus of those wacky Children of Abraham from Egypt to the Promised Land, complete with a pre-cgi- yet still unequalled- parting of the Red Sea, matte lines and all. Hilarity ensues as The Lord leads Moe and the gang on a 40-year meander through the desert, climaxing in Moses' demise just before their arrival in the only country in the Mideast without significant petroleum reserves. And some claim God doesn't have a sense of humor.

(I kid, but this is one of my favorite films and still the high-grossing film, adjusted for inflation, in its original release. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of airings I've missed since I've been a kid, even though I have it on laserdisc. For lots of interesting background and trivia on the making of this landmark film, go here,
here, here,
and here..)

Great quotes:

Memnet: What have you found?Bithiah: The answer to my prayers!Memnet: You prayed for a basket?

Sethi: Harden yourself against subordinates. Have no friend. Trust no woman.

Moses: The city is made of bricks. The strong make many, the starving make few, the dead make none. So much for accusations.

Nefretiri: You will be king of Egypt and I will be your
footstool!Moses: The man stupid enough to use you as a footstool isn't wise enough to rule Egypt.

Moses: Love cannot drown truth, Nefretiri.

Nefretiri: Oh Moses, Moses, you stubborn, splendid, adorable fool!

Rameses: You have a rat's ears and a ferret's nose.Dathan: To use in your service, son of Pharaoh.

Rameses: You will be mine, like my dog, or my horse, or my falcon, except that I shall love you more-and trust you less.

Nefretiri: You need have no fear of me.Sephora: I feared only his memory of you.Nefretiri: You have been able to erase it?Sephora: He has forgotten both of us. You lost him when he went to seek his god. I lost him when he found his god.

Zay Smith, in his Quick Takes column in today's Chicago Sun-Times, lists five news articles with the phrase "ethical tenants," and wryly notes, "The nice thing about ethical tenants is they pay their rent on time."

Nothing irritates me more than these instances of homophonic idiocy that newspapers and magazines have been foisting upon us with increasing frequency. I can deal with the errors in supers and titles on television news shows- the people typing in that stuff are probably just technicians affected by their location downwind from the anchor's hairspray station.

But print journalists- real journalists- should never make these errors. Thirty years ago, in a previous career as a reporter/editor, the egregious "tenant" gaffe cited above would have resulted in days of grim meetings and phone calls from english teachers, librarians and even the guy who showed up once a month in the tinfoil hat and garlic sandwiches. (He may have been nuts, but his spelling skills were without peer.)

As I told Mr. Smith, "For all intensive purposes, I wait for your column with baited breath- but very little phases me. Except arson fires."

Time to move on. My interest in this topic was piqued. I took a peek, but now it's past its peak.

If homophones fascinate you, take this test. It may have an effect on your affect.

Well, that's not entirely true. Self-effacing Mellow Texan Bob Schieffer has been interim anchor of The CBS Evening News since March of last year, but he's hosted Face the Nation for the last 15 years and has been at CBS since 1969, about seven years less than self-aggrandizing Crazy Texan Dan Rather.

In the past year, The CBS Evening News became again what it was when we all gathered 'round to listen to Uncle Walter tell us what went on that day. A bit less stuffy than Cronkite, Schieffer has a way of drawing information out of correspondents without appearing condescending, and can deliver dramatic news without Rather's histrionics and phony, labored Texan-isms.

He also has a marvelously droll sense of humor. Ending the broadcast tonight after a piece on global positioning systems- in which the correspondent signed off with her latitude and longitude- Schieffer said, "I'd give you my co-ordinates, but they're classified. I might leak them to you if you tune in again tomorrow night."

I wish Miss Couric the best, but I fear the broadcast network news will again slip from my viewing habits. I'll resign myself to catching Schieffer via DVR on Sunday evenings.

The Windover Hills Youth (W.H.Y.) hosts a concert for local area youth groups- and the general public- tonight at 6:30 the the Windover Hills United Methodist Church on Ridge Road in South Park. (You can't miss it... it's the church opposite Sunny Slopes, with the sign that reads "Can't Sleep? We Have Sermons!")

The Purple Daisies will perform songs by Newsboys, Big Daddy Weave and other Contemporary Christian artists. Their performance will be preceded by magician Dave Lawrence and refreshments.

R.S.V.P./Questions: Pastor Dale Reese at 412-655-4824. He's the one with the sermons referenced above.