About Me

Let me start by saying I am NOT and will never claim to be an expert on anything. However, I do know a little about a lot of things...like being a daughter, a nurse, a referee, a teacher, a coach, a therapist, a cook, a housekeeper, a judge, a jury, a landscaper, a student, a wife, and most importantly...a mother.
Now for some things I know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about...bear hunting, skydiving, Naples, history, symbolism, engines, HTML, which came first...the chicken or the egg, etc....
Now, some things I am trying to learn a lot about...spirituality, darwinism, all faiths, history, meditation, nursing, maybe med school, and which came first the chicken or the egg.
I'm a SAHM who is never at home. My life is busy and crazy and I wouldn't change a minute of it!

Check em out...

Friday, January 28, 2011

Thursday, January 27, 2011

A couple of days ago, I was meeting up with the ladies in my car pool. We were heading to the state psychiatric hospital for our clinical orientation. That part of the story is neither here nor there, really, except that's it is here (I'm going on Tuesday of next week)...and I'm fucking scared a bit apprehensive about the whole thing!

Anyway, it was a chilly morning, I had my big pea coat on, and as I was getting into my friend, E's car, I noticed a tag hanging out of my pea coat pocket. I reached into my pocket that was quite full of something that was attached to the tag, and this is what I pulled out...

That’s a thong. A dude thong. A Christmassy, elfy, (complete with jingle bells) banana hammock, if you will!!

Actually, my compadres hadn’t seen me pull it out of my pocket…but, my hysterical laughter caught their attention. Then, the red velour and jingly bells on the banana hammock caught their eye.

When I could catch my breath, I had some ‘splainin’ to do…

“You see…what had happened was….we do this Chinese gift exchange during Christmas, and sometimes there are gag gifts. And this particular gag gift was attached to a GINORMOUS bottle of vodka…”

See…

BIGGEST. BOTTLE. EVA!!!

“…and I wanted the vodka to put into my Red Bull, so I got the vodka, and by default, Jake inherited a banana-hammock. And I was planning on ditching the thong, but, then, had a thought, that it might make a really great Christmas card, if I could talk Jake into putting it on. So, I thought I should keep it. So, I stuck it in my pocket. In my pea coat pocket. And there it stayed. ”

I should really be more careful about where I keep Jake’s banana hammocks!!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The new pup has adapted well, and he’s one of the family now. He fits right in. He’s not near as “alpha-dog” as Tucker the Fucker was, and is a bit more obedient. For now, anyway.

Our biggest struggle with Tucker and the thing that led to his disappearance, was his disregard for boundaries. He would bolt out of the front door, and no one could catch him. And the mistake we made with him, was allowing all the neighborhood kids to chase him. Tucker thought it was a fun game to run the streets, and watch the idiotic bipeds try to capture him.

Jobin Todd (yes, we gave him a fancy middle name, too) isn’t allowed out of our front yard. Simple verbal commands, a stern, “NO,” the snapping of our fingers, and a bit of cheese as a reward for staying in the yard, and returning inside on his own, is all we need to keep this little guy in our yard.

Oh…and, this…

We hired a couple of well trained marksmen to maintain a perimeter while the pup is on the loose. The guns are loaded and these guys have twitchy fingers if that mutt so much as glances at the street!

For the record…I’m kidding. We don’t shoot the dog. I mean, on purpose. We haven’t shot him. Yet. I mean, he may one day be shot on accident. I don’t know. There are no guarantees in our household that you will not be shot by an airsoft gun. .

Actually, there’s a pretty good chance that you will get shot, whether you have two legs, or four. It’s just the way we roll around here. I suggest goggles and a bullet proof vest if you come to visit.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Jake and I got the new MyTouch 4G’s the other day, and I freakin’ love them. I was switching from the iPhone, and was nervous about the switch.

But, dayum, this phone is cool.

We have video chat. Which, at first, I thought was wicked awesome. If I’m being honest, my initial thoughts were sick and twisted and about taking sexting to a whole new level, with my lover. And, you know…just, in general, thought it would be cool to video chat with Jake throughout the day. Because…one might get laid off in these “tough economic times” for having phone sex at work. Even if it is with your wife.

ANY-FRICKIN’-WHO…why did you let me go THERE???

Today, my phone rang and it was Jake for a video chat. I was sitting here at the desk. Fucking around on facebook and BlogFrog. Doing nothing productive.

I reached down to answer the phone, and I panicked.

Oh shit. He’s gonna see that I’m just sitting here in the office. I should run to the kitchen and pretend that I was cleaning it. No…I should run to the laundry room. I’ve actually done a load today, this could be that load. No…I’m supposed to be taking it easy from my oral surgery. I should run to the bedroom and lay down.

AAAAAAAAALL this shit ran through my head in the instant that I looked down to see the video chat request.

Lucky for me, this new technology has a few kinks to iron out, and it doesn’t work all that great. He couldn’t see me. I called him back and I couldn’t see him. So we just gave up.

And the kitchen is still dirty. And the laundry still needs to be done. And I’m still fucking around on the computer!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

So, you’ve heard me bitch and moan about kids these days and their video games. If you haven’t heard me bitch and moan about how ridiculous I think video games are, these days, you can go here, and here.

A brief synopsis of what I bitch and moan about…

Kids are so spoiled and I’m always harping on my kids about how, “when I was a kid, we couldn’t save our progress in a video game…if we wanted to win, we invested blood sweat and tears…if our mom’s called us to dinner, we started over…and…and…AND…we beat our video games with 3 lives. THREE!!!”

These rants always go right over my kids’ heads and they look at me blankly, wait for my raving to come to and end, then they play their silly games.

Well, yesterday, on our snow day, I found a download on our Wii for the ORIGINAL Super Mario Brothers. The first one. That we grew up on.

I was stoked. For $5, I was able to download the full version of the game, and afford my children a glimpse at what I’m always talking (read: bitching) about, when I play their games.

The real deal.

They hate it. They think it’s stupid. They’re completely uncoordinated at the 2 dimensional play, with no back track and a limited number of lives. They are frustrated by it. They don’t understand how to find the hidden blocks and tricks, and they have very little patience for the game.

And I couldn’t BE more thrilled about it!!

I’m thinking about not letting them play their games that pretty much beat themselves…until they are able to beat this game…a REAL video game!!

Sunday, January 9, 2011

I was talking to the fiance of a good friend last night on the subject of marriage.

My marriage happens to be the thing I'm most proud of in my life, so I'm always happy to discuss the subject.

Jake and I have a great marriage. We just do. We set it up that way, and neither he, nor I would have it any other way. We have an amazing understanding of one another. I have patience for him, where I don't have it for other people in my life. Respect and communication are paramount in our interactions and the basis of our relationship.

The bottom line of our marriage...we'd just rather be happy. We'd rather laugh than fight. We'd rather snuggle than give each other the cold shoulder. And we'd rather use our tongues for kissing, rather than lashing each other with them.

And truthfully, neither one of us considers it work...and wouldn't dream of considering it "hard work," to make these choices.

Last week, I was involved in a discussion on another blog about whether or not, marriage is "hard work." I tried to explain to the droves of women claiming that marriage was "really, really hard work," that it didn't always have to be. I just wanted people to know that a person's marriage doesn't have to become the overused cliche, "the old ball and chain." It doesn't have to be a battleground. It shouldn't be a battleground, it should be a refuge.

I explained that I love and respect my husband more than any person in the entire world, and that I wanted nothing more than for him to be happy. That he is the most amazing man I know...and he deserves all the happiness in the world. Not only that, but, it's my privilege to be able to contribute to his happiness on a daily basis.

And I know for a fact, that Jake feels the same way.

Are you nauseous?

Do you believe me?

You should.

But, the people I was discussing the subject on this popular blog and forum didn't believe me. They called me a liar. They called me delusional. They said I was too blind to see that my marriage wasn't really all that I thought it was. They said if my marriage was all that I said it was...then, it must be so boring to be me. And my personal favorite...one person said that I must not have had tough life experiences that have challenged my marriage. That marriages are easy when life is easy...that I should just wait. That one day my life would get tough and my marriage would get miserable.

Bwahahahahahhahahahaaah!!!

That one was a good one.

At first these comments really bugged me. I let them under my skin. But, then, I realized these comments had nothing to do with their opinion of me...just what they were frustrated with in their own marriages.

I'm okay with that.

Because last night, the fiance of a good friend of mine, asked my advice, and sought out my insight on marriage. She said she can see what a beautiful marriage that Jake and I have, and she wanted my opinions on some things.

It was seriously the highest compliment I have ever been paid. It felt wonderful, and it made it totally worth putting up with the harsh words I received last week, online.

And really, I don't say these things about my marriage to toot my own horn, to brag, or to boast...I just know how safe and wonderful, and peaceful I feel in my marriage. With my husband. And everyone deserves the same.

And I'm really glad that my good friend and his fiance seem to have found it for themselves, too.