The Potential Cracks In The Walls- Don’t Become The Consequence

It is very easy to get frustrated in parenting, maybe we are stressed, over tired or have just given the same consequence for the same behavior seemingly 1000 times. When we allow ourselves to be frustrated we can also allow ourselves to become the consequence. This can also be the case when we haven’t taken the time to come up with a parenting plan and just react to a situation. Check out the week long series that we did on this topic called “Separate the Relationship from the Discipline” by clicking here.Listen to today’s podcast as well for more insight on this topic.

#6 The Potential Cracks In The Walls – Don’t Get Derailed By Childish Outbursts

There are a few things that can make a parent feel guilty and even give in at times to their child’s behavior/desires. The first is temper tantrums. When a toddler is told no or doesn’t get their way and throws a fit, it is very tempting as a parent to give in and allow the child to have what they want. It seems so much easier short term to give in and attempt to preserve peace and not have to deal with the temper on top of saying no. However, this is detrimental in the long run and you are actually training your toddler to throw a tantrum to get their way.

A second thing that can derail a parent is the “that’s not fair” comment. Again if you are not careful you can allow that comment to cause you to question your decision. If you are consistent in your parenting and are giving out consequences consistently for behaviors then you have no reason to question. The old parenting adage must apply, “say what you mean and mean what you say.” If you are not being consistent in your consequences then it isn’t fair to your children because they don’t know what to expect.

Always keep in mind that we are raising children, not mini adults, we should have the expectation that they will act like children!

#5- Potential Cracks In The Walls- Understand That Every Child Is Different

One thing that is important for every parent to grasp is the fact that every child is different. Every child will have a different personality, energy level as well as what motivates them. Even gender plays a big part in children’s differences. In order to create a successful parenting, especially discipline, plan it is important to understand these things about your child. There are things about children in general that can be approached with all children in a similar fashion, such as a schedule and consistency, but there are also things that we cannot take a cookie cutter approach too.

Rewards seem like one of these issues. For example, in the residential homes at Sheridan House if a resident does perfectly on their school report for five days in a row they earn a lunch out off campus. This is something that is applicable and enjoyed by both genders. On the girls campus a reward for hitting a certain points level is getting to go and get a manicure. This is obviously not something that would be as exciting for the boys so they have a reward that applies to them.

Make sure to take the time to process through your children’s differences, some children are more motivated by the consequence for bad behavior and some are more motivated by the reward for good behavior. The “pleaser” child for example is devastated by doing the wrong thing and can be more motivated by the consequence. The “barbarian” child can see the consequence almost as a challenge to be tested and may be more motivated by the reward for doing the right thing.

#29 and #30

Research over the past few years has shown the value of eating together as a family. In fact, an article in TIME, by Nancy Gibbs called The Magic of the Family Meal states, “Studies show that the more often families eat together, the less likely kids are to smoke, drink, do drugs, get depressed, develop eating disorders and consider suicide, and the more likely they are to do well in school, delay having sex, eat their vegetables, learn big words and know which fork to use.”

Sitting down together as a family can also be such an awesome tool for teaching communication. Children can learn the give and take of a conversation. It can also be a great place to talk through how their day went as well as listening to how other family members faired. The dinner table can also be a place for fun. As parents we can be creative conversationalists and do games around the dinner table. We must remember that even though we may be tired from our day we set the tone for how the conversation will go.

Another area that can be a great venue for teaching communication is family vacations. Simply taking a vacation where you have to have some down time as a family can be very valuable. Make sure that when you are planning a vacation it is not all just entertainment but that there is some time set aside to simply be together. If not you may leave the vacation feeling more exhausted then when you left and not feel like you had the time to get to have relationship.

#28 Applaud Effort and Good Choices

It is very easy for us as parent to get very results oriented, when we need to be process oriented. We are raising children to BECOME adults. We cannot have expectations that they will always make the perfect decision/action/ emotion in a situation. This is why it is imperative that we applaud when they do make a good choice and make an effort to do the right thing. We cannot simply applaud what we think the end result should be. We spent a whole week discussing this topic to check it out, click here.