Welcome to Big Old Goofy World . . . a place where I can share my thoughts, hopes, and dreams about this rock that we live on and call home.

Friday, August 8, 2014

I Would Give My Soul If . . .

As parents we should have learned . .
. children (no matter what age) have a tendency to break our hearts.

I was reminded of this fact this past
week after having had several discussions with people in my life.The first one I was not actually involved in,
but the wife shared her discussion with the daughter with me . . . so, by the
fact that the wife and I are a team, I was privy to the discussion.The daughter shared the frustration and
confusion that she and our son-in-law were having over the now two-year old
granddaughter.It seems that she has
practically converted—over night—from the sweet innocent toddler to a two-year
old hellion who likes to throw temper tantrums and complete melt downs when she
does not get her way.Hmmmm, sounds a
lot like her grandfather on her mother’s side!The two think that they must be doing something wrong when it comes to
parenting . . . that they are not good parents.They wonder what they have done wrong.It breaks their hearts.Both the
wife and I agree—and told them, the kid is normal . . . she is being a two-year
old . . . she is testing the waters . . . learning and growing.Besides, we reminded them, pay back is
hell.As grandparents all the wife and I
could do was to reassure them that this too would pass . . . that it was a
phase . . . and, try not to snicker too much as we said it.

The last conversation was with a
couple about one of their adult sons.The son has gotten himself into quite a mess once again . . . something
that has happened before in his life; but, this time it is a nasty mess.It involves the law.It involves messy and broken relationships.It involves lawyers, law enforcement, and
judges.As I talked with the mother of
this child, she cried and said how much it was making her heart hurt . . . how
she had lost twenty pound because she could not eat . . . how she and her
husband had used what little money they had to help . . . and, how angry it was
making her as the story and situation kept getting bigger and bigger with each
new revelation.Their hearts were
breaking.

Broken hearts are a part of
parenting.I speak from experience as
one who has broken the hearts of his parents, and as one who has had his heart
broken as a parent.Children, no matter
what age they might be, always have the potential to break their parents’
hearts.Again, since no manual is ever
given out to new parents when it comes time to take their new born child home
from the hospital, you won’t find that in any parenting book I know of . . . or
on any label stuck on the foot of the child.It is just something that parents have to learn . . . and learn it the
hard way.

On the Facebook page, Humans of New
York, a photographer by the name of Brandon goes around New York City
taking portrait shots of people he encounters.With each portrait he writes a brief blurb of his encounter with the
individual.Often these photographs and
blurbs are quite powerful and meaningful . . . they make people stop and
think.Right now he is on a tour with
the United Nations visiting countries and people.You can check out his Facebook page at this link: https://www.facebook.com/humansofnewyork/info.You can learn more at his website at this
link: http://www.humansofnewyork.com/.In his most recent post on Facebook he picture a man and his
daughter.The father has his arm around
his daughter who apparently has a disability of some sort . . . from his
statement it seems to be a mental disability . . . but the father insisted that
the photographer take her picture.He
explained that her name mean “flower”.It was the father’s statement that said it all to me—and probably every
other person who is a parent, “I would
give my soul if I could fix her brain.”

Out of a broken heart this father
spoke the words that any parent would speak for his or her child . . . I would give my soul if . . . If I could
fix her brain.If I could stop the
temper tantrums.If I could stop the
stupid choices.If I could stop the pain
of a broken relationship . . . a lost job . . . of drug or alcohol abuse . . .
of a disability . . . of the meanness of life.What parent would not give anything and everything to help his or her
child when life is beating them down with a vengeance?What parent does not know the pain of a
broken heart caused by the very child or children that he or she loves beyond
words?We all would . . . and, we all
have.

It was a rough week hearing the
stories of family and friends.A rough
week of being there to see the broken pieces of heart and trying to help put
all the pieces back together again.Rough
week because way too often these moments of confession often rip the scabs off
of my own broken heart as a parent.No
words can be said to ease the pain of a broken heart.The fact is . . . children are going to break
our hearts as parents . . . sometimes over and over again.

So, what is a parent to do?

I am not really sure.

I guess if I could wish anything upon
parents to combat the broken hearts that children inflict throughout a life time,
I would wish for them: patience, laughter, presence, and love.Patience . . . patience to wait to see how
things pan out, to see if the worse scenario happens (because it is human
nature to think the worse) . . . to listen with an open mind and heart . . .
and, to allow the child to return back home (as much spiritually as
physically).

Laughter . . . laughter is good for
the soul and heart . . . if we are willing to give our souls away for the sake
of our children, we might as well give one that is strong and filled with
laughter.

Presence . . . to be there . . . to be
a reminder . . . to be a place of safety . . . to be home.Presence . . . of the holy, whatever holy
might be . . . to know the comfort of not being a lone . . . to feel the
acceptance and grace whether it is warranted or deserved.Presence to be in the moment.Presence to be.

Love . . . yeah, whether we like it or
not, love is always there.It is always
there in the deepest hurt inflicted . . . always there in the hottest anger . .
. always there in the greatest disappointment . . . always there in the shards
of a broken heart.Love that is
accepting, caring, and most of all challenging . . . challenging to do what
needs to be done whether it feels right or wrong for all who are involved.

I would wish for all parents . . . patience,
laughter, presence, and love.None of
these will stop a heart from breaking, but they will go a long ways in easing
the pain and starting the healing process.

My mother used to have a favorite
statement she liked to tell me whenever I seemed to be going through a round
phase in my life: “This, too, shall pass.”For the most part I think that my mother was right.Most of the crap I have endured and
experienced in my life has come and gone . . . but, she was wrong when it came
to having one’s heart broken by a child.True, the situation or circumstance might pass on, but the scars are
always there to remind us parents of the heart being broken.Yet, it is a part of being a parent . . . a
part of life.From it we learn and grow.From it we discover a deeper level and
commitment of love.From it we grow
closer.

But, boy does it hurt.I would give my soul if I could save anyone
from ever having his or her heart broken by children . . . and, then again,
maybe not.My soul has been pretty beat
up over the years . . . but, I would try.