tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58711773781119674532017-08-04T14:20:42.326-05:00* Perpetually Me *Ups and downs, twists and turns, no matter where I go, what obstacles I meet, even if something holds me back, I'll perpetually be * me *♥α§ђ£ε¥™♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/16595632956946407806noreply@blogger.comBlogger269125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5871177378111967453.post-66967120603920957032012-02-28T00:52:00.000-06:002012-02-28T02:52:46.022-06:00Work ItEveryone should, at some point in their lives, work in some sort of customer service job. Food service especially. You get a new appreciation for what actually goes on behind the scenes when you actually have to do the work that goes on behind the scenes.<br /><br />I know this because I've had the jobs where I've had to be behind the scenes. I've worked in the fast food industry, I've worked in the retail industry. I no longer go in a store, pick up a folded shirt, and throw it back on the table. I no longer get frustrated when a hamburger isn't fixed as quickly as I think it should be. Customer service is much more than what you see at the register.<br /><br />Food service involves so much more behind the scenes as far as cleaning and prepping the food goes. The food just doesn't make itself, and keeping up with people demanding food isn't as easy as one might think. You have to predict when people are going to come in and what they are going to want so you know how much to make. You have to get everything together and make it. You have to put it on the line, then you have to prep it for them when they order it.<br /><br />Retail is a lot more than just scanning and bagging. You have to learn prices. You have to watch tags and sales. You have to fold and plan what is going to go where. You have to interact while you're doing all this, and make sure you get everything. All the stuff on the floor, that has to be prepared by employees who work their tails off too trying to make everything presentable so people can find what they're looking for, and when people come through and mess it up, someone has to go through and pick the mess up. When you pick up your eggs and decide on the other side of the store you don't need eggs after all, someone has to pick them up from where you decide to lie them down. When you finish your drink and sit it on an empty shelf, someone has to pick that up. When you leave clothes laying around a fitting room, someone has to pick that up.<br /><br />People who work with the public have to have a lot of patience because the public does not have a lot of respect for them. The public doesn't respect that they have jobs they have to do, that their job is a lot more than what it appears to be, and that their messes create more work. When your trash lands on the floor, someone has to clean it up. When you need something, someone serving you gets it for you. They should be appreciated and respected. The people who know that best are the people who have been in the service industry before. Therefore, I think that everyone should, at one point in their life, work in the customer service industry in some fashion for a specific period of time, just to see what it's like, and to gain a new appreciation for what goes on behind the scenes.<br /><br /><a href="http://s869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/?action=view&amp;current=signature.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/signature.png" /></a>♥α§ђ£ε¥™♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/16595632956946407806noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5871177378111967453.post-83212620312304878202012-02-26T01:31:00.000-06:002012-02-26T01:31:19.917-06:00Facing the DaysWe all have things in life that we really don't want to do. It has come time again to do some things that I really don't want to do, and I don't have much of a choice. If it weren't for the necessity, I wouldn't be working the job I have, but things have to be done. I know that I have bills to pay off, namely student loans, and I know that I need to keep a steady income. Not everyone is going to love their job, and I know that.<br /><br />So, with a grin on my face and a whole lot of effort, I go in to work a job that I really don't want to have, knowing that I don't like it, and I do what I have to do to make ends meet. I smile, I laugh, I do what needs to be done, I keep a good attitude about it, and I bottle everything bad up until the end of the day when I leave, and I finally let it all out, all the frustration spewing forth like crazy, my boyfriend on the phone trying to calm me down when he's going through a rough time himself, God bless him.<br /><br />Perhaps one day I'll learn to love it. Perhaps one day I'll be able to walk in happy, or at least in a mediocre mood. I'm always ready to do the work that's expected, but perhaps I'll be a bit more prepared than usual, and accepting of it. Right now I'm still in the stage where everything is difficult for me. I come home at the end of the day in pain, crying, frustrated, stressed, ready to scream. It's jobs like this, though, that make the world go round. Everyone needs food, everyone needs a place to buy things, and these are the jobs that keep the world going, these are the jobs that keep businesses running. People can do it, it can be done. I just have to learn.<br /><br />It's nothing like my other jobs. It makes my other jobs look like a cakewalk. It's rough. It's demanding. It doesn't have as much satisfaction at the end of the day. Overall, it's just not as good of a job. Maybe one day I'll find something about it that will make me think differently. Maybe one day I'll get used to it.&nbsp;Here's to hoping that doesn't take me too long.<br /><br /><a href="http://s869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/?action=view&amp;current=signature.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/signature.png" /></a>♥α§ђ£ε¥™♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/16595632956946407806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5871177378111967453.post-53221099614332069072012-02-17T01:12:00.000-06:002012-02-17T02:12:59.195-06:00In the AbyssThe darkness envelopes me like a thick smokey fog<br />I don't know which direction I am going anymore<br />Everything in my life seems to have taken a drastic dark turn<br />I can't find my way out no matter how hard I try<br /><br />I bang on the walls and scream for help, but nobody listens<br />They don't realise the type of predicament I'm stuck in<br />As I fall deeper and deeper into the abyss,<br />I know it will be that much harder to escape<br /><br />I reach out and all I feel is the cold, damp darkness that is consuming me whole<br />No kind hand, no kind words to comfort me when I need them<br />I am alone in this effort, and the only way out is seemingly invisible<br />I'm trapped.<br /><br />How long should I suffer like this?<br />In silence because nobody can hear me?<br />In darkness where nobody can see me?<br />Alone where nobody can feel my presence?<br /><br />How long can I go on knowing that nothing will ever be the same?<br />I can't<br /><br /><a href="http://s869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/?action=view&amp;current=signature.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/signature.png" /></a>♥α§ђ£ε¥™♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/16595632956946407806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5871177378111967453.post-50414692836254006182012-02-07T00:07:00.000-06:002012-02-13T16:24:59.772-06:00Lucky CharmsWell it's only Tuesday, but I'm going to go ahead and do a Write on Wednesday assignment early. Here is the challenge:<br /><br /><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: inherit; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><u><b>The Write on Wednesday Spark: &nbsp;Possessing Beauty</b></u></span><br /><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: inherit; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="background-color: white;">Write about a&nbsp;collection. Write about something you or ,someone you know, collects. Think about the "why" behind the collection - why is it important to collect this particular thing? How does it make the person feel to add another piece to their collection? Is the group of objects there to be seen, to be studied or simply kept together?&nbsp;Write a real life story or a piece of fiction. Wherever the prompt takes you...</span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: inherit; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Keep your post on the short side: up to 500 words OR a 5 minute stream of consciousness exercise. Link your finished piece to the list and begin popping by the other links. Oh, and enjoy!</span><br /><br />Haley nervously played with the charms on her bracelet. One for her first time on rollerblades. One from her first boyfriend. One for her first dance performance. One for her high school graduation. One from her sister to remind her how much she is loved. One that said "Believe, Hope, Dream". It's often a reminder of the things that are important to her in life, and she holds it very close to her heart. It's inspiration, hope, dreams, all culminated in a bracelet.<br /><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gnDS1MbxAK0/TzD4A2JOciI/AAAAAAAAAwQ/4rvgRjR-iAo/s1600/bracelet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gnDS1MbxAK0/TzD4A2JOciI/AAAAAAAAAwQ/4rvgRjR-iAo/s200/bracelet.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Image Source: Squidoo.com</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><br />Once, Haley thought she lost a charm, and it broke her down for days until she found it lying on her dresser, where it had apparently fallen off. This charm bracelet was a gift to her during her deepest depression, in hopes that she would feel better seeing all the things she accomplished on her wrist as a reminder. It worked, and whenever Haley felt stressed, she immediately turned to the charm bracelet for comfort. She loved her charm bracelet and everything about it; it was a collection of everything near and dear to her, a collection of everything that really mattered to her. It raised her self-confidence, as well as consolidating all her life events into an easy to view bracelet that she always had access to.<br /><br />When Haley felt her lowest, she turned to the charm bracelet for comfort. Sometimes she would buy new charms to add to her collection, to make her feel better. Sure, they were small, but they had a big impact for her. She loved them, and never wanted to let them go. The bracelet never left her wrist. She was attached to it, and wanted to stay that way forever....<br /><br />Time up<br /><a href="http://s869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/?action=view&amp;current=signature.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/signature.png" /></a>♥α§ђ£ε¥™♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/16595632956946407806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5871177378111967453.post-73112227996507679772012-01-18T20:18:00.000-06:002012-01-18T20:18:21.275-06:00Just an UpdateI realize my posts have been stagnant for a while, not giving people much of a reason to follow or read, and that I've been very disappointing as a blogger ever since I got a job back in November.<br /><br />Here are a few updates. I had a birthday (November 29), I graduated from college (well, walked the stage anyway, December 16, I got my degree in August), I celebrated Christmas with the family, I celebrated New Years at home, and the newest of news that I haven't broken to the blogging world yet, I finally obtained my social work license (yesterday, 17 January) so I am now a licensed professional! This is a huge thing for me, as now I can extend my job search to include ones that require a license and I can include licensure in my resume. Awesome!<br /><br />I'd really like to do something with my blog to make it more interactive, but I'm not sure what yet. Any ideas or suggestions would be helpful, as I find myself having a hard time sitting down and actually writing a blog since I've been working full time. I know other people can do it, and I had time to sit and write this down, but it's just really difficult for me to find content for my blog right now and get it into the computer before I have something else to do. Blog fodder jumps into and out of my head before I have a chance to jot it down, and my blog is lacking and in need of some assistance. Very desperate need!!<br /><br />Justfifiable need<br /><br />Just sayin'<br /><br /><a href="http://s869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/?action=view&amp;current=signature.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/signature.png" /></a>♥α§ђ£ε¥™♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/16595632956946407806noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5871177378111967453.post-89030688851517911272011-12-31T17:59:00.002-06:002011-12-31T17:59:50.346-06:002011 in RetrospectAs we embark upon a new year, it's kind of nice sometimes to think about some of the things that have happened during the previous year (although other things are rather unpleasant to think about *ahem*), as memories are made and life passes by. This year has kind of been a big one for me and I'm just going to kind of look back at some of the things that have happened this year.<br /><br />In January, I started my internship at the youth rehab in Ft. Worth, and I absolutely loved it the whole time I was there, although it came to a rather unpleasant ending. I was nervous at first, but I kind of had a knack for what I was doing and was able to adapt quickly. Most of the beginning of the year was spent on the internship, including Spring Break, which is in March. We got some ice in February which made one week difficult, but otherwise, everything went smoothly for the first semester, although I ended up getting a lower grade than I anticipated.<br /><br />The summer brought some unpleasant times. I lost my internship due to some events that were my fault, could have been prevented, but I learnt from them, and there were others who had a hand in what happened too. Overall, it ruined my summer "vacation" (come on, I was going to school every day) and darkened my mood for a while...I'm still a bit unhappy about it because I wonder what job leads I may have had had this not happened...of course, now I have none.<br /><br />The same day I found out about my error, we had left town for a week, which was the most eventful part of my summer, and we got a call that day that our hot water heater had burst and flooded half the house. That was a pretty big thing this year too, since I've still got stuff that hasn't been unpacked from packing up and moving my stuff to the garage to recarpet my room from the damage. That week must have been a rain on Ashley's parade week, because it was just one thing after another!<br /><br />Another big thing that came soon after was completion of my degree in August, which I finally received in October, and I walked the stage a couple weeks ago. This was a culmination of six years of hard work and determination, as well as a tiny bit of luck. Everything came together at the last minute when I was scared it wouldn't, and I proved that everyone who had faith in me was indeed correct. I proved myself wrong, as I never had faith that I would get the degree. I aced my last two classes and finally walked the stage at the end of the year.<br /><br />Another event was getting a job in November, ending a nearly 2-year-long unemployment period (during which I wasn't actually considered unemployed because I never received unemployment). I'm still there, working myself to the bone to keep this job because I need it badly. It's been rough, but it's something that has been significantly helpful for me.<br /><br />2011 had some rough going, but it had some good times to keep it real and worth the ride. Here's to hoping that 2012 will be better, and celebrating the things that I've accomplished this year. Here's to the future...Cheers!<br /><br />Huzzah!!<br /><br /><a href="http://s869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/?action=view&amp;current=signature.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/signature.png" /></a>♥α§ђ£ε¥™♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/16595632956946407806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5871177378111967453.post-38366487730957385202011-12-26T18:49:00.001-06:002011-12-26T18:49:48.875-06:00Wrapping Up ChristmasThe stockings were hung, the presents wrapped and tagged, and everything set up for Christmas; things went smoothly as all the work was very rapidly undone whilst we unwrapped all the gifts we exchanged. This Christmas was a nice one. We spent a lot of family time together, and overall I cashed out well too (that may be a little greedy, I admit). I also did the lovely after-Christmas opening shift at work and saw all the <strike>lovely</strike> <strike>wonderful</strike> shoppers at work today, doing the post-Christmas shopping with all the sales. [Insert joyous expression here].<br /><br />Some of the things I got, to be materialistic, included a silver &amp; black Music Bullet (ironically, my boyfriend received an identical Music Bullet), which is a music speaker you can plug into your mP3/iPod/whatever to play your music, some awesome jeans, a rockin cell phone cover, some sweaters and shirts, some camisoles, a very nice bluetooth headset for my phone, fuzzy socks, sock monkey slipper socks, sock monkey pajamas (have I mentioned that I have a slight fixation on the sock monkey??), one of those aluminum wallets, and some money from various family members, including an iTunes gift card. Made out like a bandit! I also got everything scented Love Spell by Victoria's Secret, a scent I've been dying to have since high school. Yay!<br /><br />We spent the day at my grandparents' house, had a meal, sat around and basically just spent the time talking and whatnot. There were no planned activities of any sort, no stories or anything themed. It was all just sort of improv, as it usually is. We then ate, opened gifts, and parted our separate ways- us to the south of Fort Worth, most of the rest of the family to the Dallas or Denton area, and my grandparents of course staying at their house not too far from Denton.<br /><br />Work today...well, it was work. We cleared out a lot of Christmas items and were very busy most of the day- it was difficult for me to leave at my scheduled time. I ended up teaching myself how to do returns, since so many of them came through the line, and there was just a lot of business today. Overall, it was a bit stressful but I dealt with it and now I'm home, and I get to spend tomorrow relaxing because I'm off! I also had the two days before Christmas off, as well as Christmas day, so I'm not used to having this much time off. I've been using it to rest up and some of it to study for my social work exam- 17th January is the day!!<br /><br />And that is my wrap-up for Christmas.<br /><br />Mele Kalikimaka!!<br /><br /><a href="http://s869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/?action=view&amp;current=signature.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/signature.png" /></a>♥α§ђ£ε¥™♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/16595632956946407806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5871177378111967453.post-41936510993980441902011-12-23T21:54:00.003-06:002011-12-23T21:54:59.355-06:00Monotonous LifeAs some of you may noticed, my blogs have become more scarce.<br /><br />There are some explanations for this. As much as I love to blog, work has become a major part of my life, and by the time I come home from my dept store job at the end of the day, I am exhausted to the point where everything seems like a monumental task.<br /><br />I blogged right after my birthday. I blogged right after my graduation. I felt those were events that I should blog about. Otherwise, my life has been pretty much uneventful. I wake up early most mornings and go to work, work with customers all day, some of whom are pleasant, and others who make up for it with being very unpleasant, come home and try to rest and possibly have dinner, if I come home early enough. Some nights I work until the wee hours of the morning, meaning I just come home and crash into bed, and usually they schedule me for an early shift immediately after.<br /><br />Very uneventful, right? The monotony of my life has led me to believe that my life is much too boring to blog about, and even blog memes leave me with nothing to write about. I find myself pulling stuff from my bottom trying to find stuff to write about. For now, I'll just be writing what I can when I can as I try to make it through this part of my life, until I get my licensing exam over with, get a more steady schedule that I can rely on, or get used to the variable schedule that I have now, and just overall feel more steady and secure.<br /><br />Sometimes a good feeling might strike me and I might blog more, so don't think I'll just stop blogging altogether. In fact, I plan on blogging once a week at least, just not every day as it was when I had more free time. I hope that's understandable given the situation. Monotonous life has left me with little to work with, but I'll work with what I have. Don't give up on me!!<br /><br /><a href="http://s869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/?action=view&amp;current=signature.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/signature.png" /></a>♥α§ђ£ε¥™♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/16595632956946407806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5871177378111967453.post-72114613447066471182011-12-23T21:42:00.001-06:002011-12-23T21:42:14.477-06:00Things I Know- the Holiday EditionThis time, I've decided to write about the things I know this holiday season:<br /><br /><ul><li>People very easily get too caught up in holiday duties such as presents and shopping and forget to be nice to people and have fun with the season</li><li>The prices on things are already discounted about as much as they are going to be, and asking for coupons doesn't mean you'll get them</li><li>Driving through town at the last minute really isn't a good idea because that's what a lot of people are doing</li><li>Having the last two days before Christmas off work is really a blessing</li><li>Almost anything can be wrapped, unless you're me. Then most things should be put in a bag, unless they're square/rectangle- in this case, they can be wrapped</li><li>Red really doesn't look good on me......&nbsp;</li><li>Santa still brings really good gifts ;)</li></ul><br /><br /><a href="http://s869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/?action=view&amp;current=signature.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/signature.png" /></a>♥α§ђ£ε¥™♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/16595632956946407806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5871177378111967453.post-83674824136767173902011-12-17T15:32:00.001-06:002011-12-17T15:32:40.033-06:00The Post-Graduation PostI don't have any of the pictures yet, as they were all taken by various other people. I do have a description of the day though.<br /><br />We started out early, and hit the road around 10:15 hoping to be there around 11:30 to drop me off, and pick up my paycheck from JCPenney on the way. We did make it.<br /><br />My family, on the way, decided it would be hilarious to pull a prank on me and I ended up in tears over it because I was so worried about everything going smoothly! They asked me about 3/4 of the way there "You did get the tickets, right?" Oh snap! I didn't grab them, I figured someone else would! You know, like someone else who needed them? Agh! I started crying and my mom decided this was a picture worthy moment and yes, took pictures of me crying. smh.<br /><br />Once we got there, I was immediately corralled off with the graduates, and I had no idea where my family went, especially since I wasn't allowed to have my phone or any other personal stuff with me. I didn't know where they were sitting and because they were seated on the balcony, they didn't know where I was either. The other graduates and I were stuffed into a small part of the building with bleachers where we sat for an hour waiting for everyone to check in and the ceremony to begin. <br /><br />The ceremony was a bit long, as we were combined with one other school, but it wasn't too bad. There were a lot of graduates to go through though. After graduation, I followed the grads out the door, but the thing was, it was so crowded I couldn't find my family! Seeing as I had no clue where they sat, and they had no clue where I sat, we were on opposite sides of the auditorium looking for each other. It took forever!!!<br /><br />Afterward we went back to the town we live in to eat and spend time with the family members that remained behind (a few had to go home), and celebrate. We went to Olive Garden- we had some good food, I got cards and money from everyone, a cap shaped necklace and a keychain saying UTA Alumni and an alumni sticker from my family, and roses with wrap in blue and orange, the school colors. We took several more pictures with those who didn't get pictures before.<br /><br />Afterward, we came home, and I was so tired I went to sleep even though it was pretty early. After all, I've been working full time workweeks even with a couple days off, and then graduation on top of it....I was just tired. It was a good day though, one that I'd been waiting for for a long time. Congrats, seniors and graduates of December 2011!!<br /><br /><a href="http://s869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/?action=view&amp;current=signature.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/signature.png" /></a>♥α§ђ£ε¥™♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/16595632956946407806noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5871177378111967453.post-47597172426426928432011-12-14T23:17:00.000-06:002011-12-14T23:17:23.195-06:00GraduationGraduation is approaching this Friday! I'm nervous!<br /><br />I've got a dress, I've got the day off work, I've got the tickets printed and ready to go, my gown is ironed, I know how I'll wear my hair, and now it's just waiting time.<br /><br />I'm so nervous! In 2 days, I will be walking across the stage in a ceremony for my degree, the biggest sign to me that it REALLY IS happening, I REALLY AM graduating/graduated, THIS IS REAL!!<br /><br />Even though I've already had my degree since October, which I actually earned in August.<br /><br />The ceremony seals the deal. It makes reality seem more real. I can't believe it's this week. Now to pat myself on the back and send myself to bed to work my last shift before I walk the stage.<br /><br /><a href="http://s869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/?action=view&amp;current=signature.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/signature.png" /></a>♥α§ђ£ε¥™♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/16595632956946407806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5871177378111967453.post-65112061307921624222011-12-12T19:56:00.001-06:002011-12-12T20:04:50.328-06:00Be Kind to YouIt's become more apparent in recent times how crucial it is that I be kind to myself, or at least not completely unkind. For the longest time, I've been one of my own worst enemies, and still am. I put myself down constantly, and for no good darn reason.<br /><br />But what good does it do for one to be unkind to oneself? None, really. I mean, it has pushed me to work harder, to be a perfectionist, but at what cost? I'm always expecting more out of myself than what I can give, and I will never be satisfied with what I've done. It also can lead to a lower self-esteem: perhaps the person will begin to believe that they deserve the unkind treatment, or even expect it from others.<br /><br />This self-perpetuating cycle has already begun in me- I'm unkind to myself all the time and I realise it. The thing is, I can work on changing it. I can tell myself kind things, even if I don't yet believe them. It's not something that has to last this way. I can change. That's one of the good things about human behaviour- if you want, you can change what is maladaptive and make it more suitable for a functional life.<br /><br />It'll be difficult. I'm trying my best to be kind to myself. The current challenge is one kind thing about myself a week. Can I do it? Can you?<br /><br /><a href="http://s869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/?action=view&amp;current=signature.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/signature.png" /></a>♥α§ђ£ε¥™♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/16595632956946407806noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5871177378111967453.post-23353264580769292462011-12-01T07:26:00.001-06:002011-12-01T07:37:30.875-06:00The Post-Birthday PostYou may (or may not) have known that my birthday was earlier this week (29 November, to be precise).<br /><br />This is my post-birthday post.<br /><br />First, I'll talk about events leading up to my birthday...the 28th was pretty eventful, to my dismay. I found out I'll be paying $250 a month at minimum for the next 10 years or so for my loans, and I hardly even used loans...horrible. That wasn't the most eventful part though.<br /><br />I came home on the way from running errands. I had been out all day. About 5 miles from home, my engine slows down in the middle of the state highway and sputters to a stop....at least giving me enough time to steer my car out of the highway, thankfully. I jump out and the engine is pumping out smoke. Genius. A nice cop stops and offers to sit with me while I wait for my dad to come and help me try to figure this out, and lets me sit in his SUV (cause that's what cops in Texas drive :P well, some of them, anyway).<br /><br />My dad shows up, we put some oil in, and we try to drive my car home. As we're driving, my car is slowly overheating, I notice, and as we pull into the neighborhood, I see the needle wavering right up next to the H. As we pull into the driveway, my car starts sputtering to a stop like it did on the highway. I got it in park and we left it for the night. We knew it needed fixing, and would have to go to a shop.<br /><br />Basically, the point of mentioning this is....I sat at home alone all day on my birthday. YAY!!! These are just a few of the wonderful things that led to my birthday.<br /><br />Birthday wasn't all that bad though. I slept in. It was relaxing. I actually had the day off work. When my family came home, we went to Red Lobster for dinner, and I had this very large Berry flavored drink. When the lady asked for my ID, she noticed it was my birthday....ohhh no.<br /><br />At the end of my meal, she brought out the whole crew to sing happy birthday to me. She grabbed everyone's attention, and said "Ashley here is celebrating her 21st birthday" and I immediately turned bright red and waved at her "No no no no no!! 24th!!" but she had already commenced in saying "So let's all join in singing Happy Birthday to her!" even after I had asked her not to make a big deal out of it. Embarrassed? You bet. I guess I'm 21 again!!!<br /><br />After getting home, I got my gifts, which included a jacket I love (which was a size too small- we had to order the next size up online), some sock monkey slippers (I'm a sock monkey fanatic :D lol), and a keychain.<br /><br />I also had to renew my drivers' license. The new picture sucks. I want the old one back. D:&lt;<br /><br /><a href="http://s869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/?action=view&amp;current=signature.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/signature.png" /></a>♥α§ђ£ε¥™♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/16595632956946407806noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5871177378111967453.post-18991815205502001562011-11-29T17:41:00.000-06:002011-11-29T17:41:51.500-06:00Birthday Letters to AshleySince it's my 24th birthday today, 29th November 2011, I have decided to write some letters to myself at various points in the past and post them today. I've been working on them for a while, waiting for today. This is mainly just something I did for the fun of it :) writing to different versions of myself. Here goes!<br /><br />Dear 2 year old Ashley:<br /><blockquote class="tr_bq">You will be getting a baby brother soon. I promise you, he won't get all the attention. I know you're young and you don't understand this yet, but it will all be ok. You don't need to hit him over the head with a baby doll, although I already know that you will. Be kind to him. One day, I promise, he will grow up to be bigger than you.</blockquote>Dear 4 year old Ashley:<br /><blockquote class="tr_bq">You're doing great in school! Don't worry about not being very athletic, it's not really something that you're cut out for. Work hard at it, but don't push yourself to be perfect. I know that's hard for you to understand, because everything has to be perfect. You won't make 100 rounds on the jumping rope, but that's ok. You won't be able to when you're older either. You'll have other talents. Jumping rope won't be near as cool. Oh, and make sure you keep up those reading skills, you'll need those in about a year and a half....</blockquote>Dear 6 year old Ashley:<br /><blockquote class="tr_bq">I know you want to fit in at your new school really well. You did great with the reading. You're really smart. Keep up the good work, and stay friends with Valerie. She's really cool. I still think she's cool *thumbs up*</blockquote>Dear 8 year old Ashley:<br /><blockquote class="tr_bq">You just got a little sister and I'm so happy for you. Make sure you take care of her, but don't hover too much, it'll make her want you around less, I promise. Give her hugs, but don't smother. Also, don't sweat that first B you got- I know it's hard for you to see an 89 because you couldn't get your 7 times table, but trust me, you'll master it soon. It won't be your last B, and it certainly won't be your worst grade ever, there are many worse to come. Just remember that your intelligence doesn't depend on what the letter on the paper says. You're still a smart cookie.</blockquote>Dear 10 year old Ashley:<br /><blockquote class="tr_bq">Middle school!! Make sure you keep yourself well paced in the hallways- you've probably already gotten your first tardy. Mom will always find out before you get home. You won't have a problem with it though, trust me. Stick with choir. I know you wanted band, but it's ok, you'll still get to march with them someday....just in a different way. You're not a reject because you don't have a boyfriend. Don't take everything your mom (or anyone else) says to heart. I know you start hurting around here---take care of yourself kiddo. Rough times are ahead, but you can handle it. I'm still around to type to you</blockquote>Dear 13 year old Ashley:<br /><blockquote class="tr_bq">High school! Where has the time gone?? You made it through 8th grade- don't listen to that Algebra teacher, you're not dumb at math, you'll pass Calculus with flying colours. You'll never forget Mr. F's history class- way too unique, right? High school is different. I know you're moving at the end of the year. You don't like it, and you won't like it. It'll create rifts in your life....you'll still be ok. I know things are already rough for you, but you still wear the face that shows you're ok. You've done so well with being ok. I'm proud of you- art, choir, cheerleading, academics, all the extracurriculars....keep it up girl. You'll be a star. Just wait. </blockquote>Dear 14 year old Ashley:<br /><blockquote class="tr_bq">I know it seems like your world has been shattered. You're in a new town and you never wanted to be here. You have no friends...don't worry, the people in this town won't be very close to you in the long run. Involve yourself in activities- choir, try out for colorguard if you can- I promise you'll love it. Don't worry about National Honor Society- it's a breeze. Ms. C. is a really awesome teacher, and even though Mr. P is an awful World History teacher, you'll never forget his class. Just remember, you don't have to be perfect. still do great. Oh, and don't get too high strung when you find out your class rank, and don't forget to double check it- they made a mistake.&nbsp;</blockquote>Dear 17 year old Ashley:<br /><blockquote class="tr_bq">I know you feel behind the learning curve, but that's ok. You're younger than your peers. You're still smart. You'll be going to college at UTA in the fall of next year. You will graduate in your class rank- don't sweat. You'll have some great experiences this year- state academic competition, state choir, the band trip, graduation, you'll finish your first semester of college. You've worked hard to get here, this year, you get to celebrate it. One thing though: it's not below you to go to community college to get some credits out of the way for a cheaper price.&nbsp;</blockquote>Dear 20 year old Ashley:<br /><blockquote class="tr_bq">Things have been rough lately, aye? You'll get through them. You've sought all the help you can get, and you're working your hardest. You've put up with and gone through a lot the past couple years, and you've made it this far. Don't let your comfort at Target get you in trouble. Keep plowing along....you're almost there. If you don't mess up, you can finish sooner than you think.&nbsp;</blockquote>Dear 22 year old Ashley:<br /><blockquote class="tr_bq">It hasn't been long. You're graduating college in December 2011. Make sure you pay attention to your details this last year of school. You've done well at keeping yourself in line. Few regrets...awesome. I know you just lost your job, but it's not the end of the world. You will survive and graduate. I remember this time....it was rough. Looking back, I can remember how rough it was. You'll face more. You'll still be ok.&nbsp;</blockquote><br />What I hope to hear from myself in the future:<br /><blockquote class="tr_bq">It'll all be ok. You'll get into graduate school, and graduate with honors. You'll find an excellent job, and a place of your own, and even make some friends. You may even start to feel this thing called happy. You'll settle down, and you may even have a family. One day, Ashley, your life will come together, and even the troubles will be much smoother to handle.&nbsp;</blockquote><br />For now, I just have to deal with everything as it comes<br /><blockquote class="tr_bq"></blockquote><blockquote class="tr_bq"></blockquote><br /><a href="http://s869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/?action=view&amp;current=signature.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/signature.png" /></a>♥α§ђ£ε¥™♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/16595632956946407806noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5871177378111967453.post-89195387622515293512011-11-26T21:48:00.000-06:002011-11-26T21:48:00.120-06:00Black Friday BluesEveryone loves a good deal. You like to save money, right? Of course, I think everyone who is not in the top 1% can say they like to save money as much as they can, because, for the most part, they need it. During the holidays, this can be especially important when gift-giving is going on, because you want the person to be happy with what you got, but you don't want to break your bank.<br /><br /><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4HZc6Jl6zWc/TtDciLWWUwI/AAAAAAAAAu4/0JxnJyxLUBU/s1600/black+friday+2011.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="72" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4HZc6Jl6zWc/TtDciLWWUwI/AAAAAAAAAu4/0JxnJyxLUBU/s320/black+friday+2011.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Source: schweizwallpaper.com</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Here in America, there's a <strike>not very</strike> nice tradition that we all know as Black Friday <strike>(curse the day!!)</strike>. The more well known explanation for this moniker is that the profits are driven up so high that they drive the overall profit into the "black" or profitable area- meaning they're making money from it, and out of the red, which is used to denote losses. This is thought to mean that the profits they're making actually can make up for any of the losses they've incurred over the year, and still be profitable.<br /><br />Shops in the states have been opening their doors earlier and earlier every year. It used to be that between 6 and 8am was a reasonable opening hour for Black Friday. There were, and still are tremendous sales, and everyone rushes in to see what kind of bargains to get. It always, always follows Thanksgiving, and is considered to really be the "kickoff" of the holiday shopping season, although some holiday shopping begins before that date, and often holiday decorations go up as soon as Halloween is over.<br /><br />As a retail employee, or associate, I should say, I know the ins and outs of Black Friday, especially having worked more than one retail destination. It IS NOT fun to be on the employee side of the counter. Yes we get paid for it- but it's a constant stream of people demanding deals and discounts because, of course, everything <i>has </i>to be cheaper....it's Black Friday!!<br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FGRXQJr7gts/TtDixlrlDrI/AAAAAAAAAvQ/XcjxeiuDZzw/s1600/long+lines.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FGRXQJr7gts/TtDixlrlDrI/AAAAAAAAAvQ/XcjxeiuDZzw/s1600/long+lines.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Imagine lines something like this all...day....long....<br />Source: bakersfield.com</td></tr></tbody></table><br />Not only that, but the stores are crowded and bursting at the seams with people shopping, from open to close, and people dig through the merchandise as though it were a toybox and they were searching for a lost toy; once they find what they are looking for, or decide it's not there, they leave it a mess. This often goes on from 4am now (or earlier- Target and Macy's, as well as a few others, began at midnight, WalMart began at 10pm) until closing time, which this Black Friday, at my retailer, was 11pm. It took 4 hours after closing to get the store in shop-worthy condition, and there were boatloads of items that were to be put in place, but we just didn't have the time- it was 3am before we left!<br /><br />People can be rude, too. Pushy, mean, horrible! A few years ago in New York, an employee was trampled to death when Black Friday shoppers got impatient and knocked down the doors to enter, trapping the employee beneath the door. Customers sometimes fight over items. There were arrests in the local WalMart last night, and the fire marshal in town actually had to close the store completely for a few hours. People were yelling at each other for standing in the wrong place to form a line. When you're a cashier, people don't want you to leave your register---"Can't you check out just one more person? I only have one item..."...and so does the next person....and so forth.<br /><br />People even go so far as to CAMP outside stores waiting to be the first inside to get deals. At the local Best Buy, there were tents parked outside the front door on <i style="font-weight: bold;">Tuesday</i>&nbsp;waiting for Black Friday deals. They absolutely had to be the first in the store to get their deals. Part of Target actually had to be corded off for the line to form. Employees could hardly get in to open the store because people didn't want to let <i>anyone</i>&nbsp;cut them in line. The employees kind of need to get in there, donchya think!!<br /><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-fasX98XIiFo/TtDb2Rb98PI/AAAAAAAAAuw/W37zvKs6D9o/s1600/deals+black+friday.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-fasX98XIiFo/TtDb2Rb98PI/AAAAAAAAAuw/W37zvKs6D9o/s200/deals+black+friday.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Source: pcmag.com</td></tr></tbody></table>Needless to say, Black Friday is a big deal.<br /><br />I worked an 11-hour shift on Friday, ending at 3am. 9 hour shift Saturday, starting at 10am. 9 hour shift Sunday, closing. 30 hours in 3 days, which is enough to be a full-time workweek- and I'm considered part-time. It's demanding. It's challenging.<br /><br />I've learnt a lot though. I've become more skilled just through today. I've met goals. I've worked hard. No, I don't really like working retail, because it's difficult, demanding, and just not my interest, but I do like the interactions I have. I like having a job finally, even though it's putting me in some pain.<br /><br />I will never, ever, though.....love Black Friday. In fact, on my dry erase calendar, I've drawn flames beneath the date, where I've written "Black Friday" with a frown, the flames representing the pits of hell, because that's all Black Friday is. You scan items all day (if you're a cashier), then you clean up the mess people leave behind searching for the best deals all night. You never, ever get out within 2 hours of closing time, because the store is never even near in shape.<br /><br />And the way things are trending, before we know it, Thursday will be Black Thursday too, and nobody will get to spend time with their family on Thanksgiving, because everyone will be out shopping or being the employee <i>working</i>&nbsp;so those people can shop. Retail employers even have a rule that <i>every</i>&nbsp;employee has to work Black Friday, regardless of other prior arrangements or engagements. It's part of your job agreement, and your job is at stake if you tell them you won't work or if you call in. It's part of the holidays!<br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HycRfLo_hT0/TtDd1mqKd8I/AAAAAAAAAvA/WSMIQlLXSA8/s1600/holiday+shopping.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HycRfLo_hT0/TtDd1mqKd8I/AAAAAAAAAvA/WSMIQlLXSA8/s200/holiday+shopping.jpg" width="197" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Source: marketingpilgrim.com</td></tr></tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />It's that serious.<br /><br />Black Friday is, indeed, very black. In fact, it makes my mood very blue and my outlook very dark....I'd say black. The only way to ever understand is to actually work in retail on a Black Friday....then you'll fully understand. Until then....you have no idea how bad it is. Yes, I'm grumbling about it. Sure, they have great deals, and it brings in profit....but it just doesn't seem like it's all worth all the trouble we all go through.<br /><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4iO4ukq8cZo/TtDfYmYlP7I/AAAAAAAAAvI/_XKxKY8t6-s/s1600/i+survived+black+friday.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="155" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4iO4ukq8cZo/TtDfYmYlP7I/AAAAAAAAAvI/_XKxKY8t6-s/s200/i+survived+black+friday.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">FOUR TIMES!!!<br />Source: facebook.com</td></tr></tbody></table><br />Nevertheless, Black Friday is over for one more year, and I need an "I survived Black Friday" button. I'd like 4 of them, actually, because I've survived 4 Black Fridays as a retail employee. Yes, four. One day I'll get out of retail, one day. I'll just have to hold out for now.<br /><br />But for this year, Black Friday is over. <i>Hallelujah!!!</i><br /><br /><a href="http://s869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/?action=view&amp;current=signature.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/signature.png" /></a>♥α§ђ£ε¥™♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/16595632956946407806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5871177378111967453.post-46057855948254314622011-11-25T01:43:00.001-06:002011-11-26T07:07:55.563-06:00Things I know- Black FridayThis is a dreadful edition of Things I Know. In America, everyone takes the luxury of having the day after Thanksgiving, a national holiday, to go Black Friday shopping. This is one of the busiest shopping days of the year, and often considered the kickoff of the holiday season. Big discounts are introduced for the day, and people swamp stores. People have been camping out at Best Buy since Tuesday. This shit is <i>serious!</i><br /><br />Here's what I know:<br /><br /><ul><li>People are mad crazy and will do whatever it takes to get the biggest discounts they can, no matter what the cost to the retailer or employees involved.&nbsp;</li><li>It is always a mess and you never get to leave within a reasonable amount of time of closing the store</li><li>People can't fold clothes after looking at them</li><li>People don't usually read coupons</li><li>You know little respect for what retail employees go through until you've BEEN a retail employee</li><li>The madness doesn't stop, even in the late afternoon</li><li>There will always be another Black Friday</li><li>An employee will always be tired after a Black Friday shift. It's almost like a rule.&nbsp;</li><li>My birthday gift will probably be from Black Friday :P</li><li>People are still crazy.</li></ul><br /><br /><a href="http://s869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/?action=view&amp;current=signature.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/signature.png" /></a>♥α§ђ£ε¥™♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/16595632956946407806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5871177378111967453.post-79509172321011239722011-11-24T12:00:00.001-06:002011-11-24T12:19:27.124-06:00Thanksgiving HolidayWork has been keeping me excruciatingly busy this month, and when I'm not working, I'm so tired I don't feel much like writing.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fcUSPxOt_ys/Ts6Ke7SvR3I/AAAAAAAAAuo/PfRPaHE4ZHY/s1600/Thanksgiving1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fcUSPxOt_ys/Ts6Ke7SvR3I/AAAAAAAAAuo/PfRPaHE4ZHY/s200/Thanksgiving1.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><br />Today, though, is Thanksgiving in America. Today is the day that most places traditionally shut down so that Americans can spend time with their immediate and sometimes extended families, stuff themselves with turkey and other filling foods, talk and mingle, and take time away from work to relax. We take time to appreciate the things we are thankful for, and talk about them.<br /><br />Of course, more and more, Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving and a major shopping day for the holidays, where retailers mark prices down steeply, is beginning to seep into the day, with retailers beginning to open earlier, sometimes on Thanksgiving day....but for now, for the most part, it still is a national holiday, and those who do work on the holiday earn holiday pay for it.<br /><br />Today, we are at my grandparents' house, with my father's parents, his brothers and sisters, and their families. We usually have Thanksgiving lunch, and a part of that is also celebrating November birthdays, one of which is my own, next week.<br /><br />This year, I've chosen a few things to be thankful for- my family, graduating from university and the opportunity to earn my license, Shawn (my boyfriend- I never thought I'd have one), the ability to have the things that I have, the job that I've obtained this year in the interim while waiting for my licensure, a place to live, my everyday luxuries, my sister, the insights I've obtained from my experiences, my readers and the success I've had from my blog, my online friends, and the life I've been able to have this year. It may not have been the best year....actually, it's been a hell of a year, throwing me challenge after challenge, and <u style="font-style: italic;">still</u>&nbsp;throwing me challenges....but there are still things to appreciate.<br /><br />I think that's kind of what it's all about. Being able to be thankful for all that you do have, even if times are hard, even if life is throwing you challenges left and right. Work has put me through the wringer, and I have been feeling the difference physically. I've been stressed and pushed hard. I've been studying. I've lost a lot of things I'm used to having. I'm still pulling through, and still finding things to be thankful for.<br /><br />And there really is, even during the hardest of times, so much to be thankful for.<br /><br />Happy Thanksgiving from America<br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://s869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/?action=view&amp;current=signature.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/signature.png" /></a>♥α§ђ£ε¥™♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/16595632956946407806noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5871177378111967453.post-15053612831087283302011-11-23T21:25:00.000-06:002011-11-24T14:40:30.130-06:00The ChoiceThe Saddest Thing I Ever Heard-<br /><br />A mother, carrying a baby for months, awaiting the day she will finally see the day the child comes into the world. A mother, not by her own choice, a mother, created through another person's actions, because a man forced her to be with him that night, but she chose to keep the baby. Despite the circumstances, she decided to carry on. She knew it would be hard on her, but she wanted to do what would be best.<br /><br />A mother, weeks from delivery, feeling the weight inside of her, the guilt from her situation, even though she knows it wasn't her fault. She knows she will have to live with the choice to keep the baby, and every day, will be reminded of what happened when she sees her child's face. She feels abandoned, lost, betrayed. As she slips into a deep sleep, her sister walks in on her, discovering her actions, rescuing her from bleeding to death. The mother and baby are both saved- it is a miracle, they are told. The sister does not know of the situation from which the baby was conceived; rather, she believes it was because of a boyfriend at the time. Still, she feels like she's saved 2 lives that day, and she has.<br /><br />A mother, at full-term, ready to deliver a baby, is rushed to the hospital in labor. She is in horrible pain, which she feels she deserves because of her situation. She goes through hours of labor, and complications arise. The baby is born a few hours later, and is rushed to the NICU as the mother continues to lose blood rapidly. The doctors cannot keep up. The mother's body goes through a series of serious complications which eventually become damaging. The baby girl is barely breathing, and the body is weak and fragile.<br /><br />Both mother and daughter quickly drop into a coma, connected to snakes of machines. They are alone, together in the hospital, in separate wards. The sister comes to visit both of them, having been told on the way to the hospital of the abuse leading to the pregnancy. She worries for her sister and niece, watching over them night and day, but for months both deteriorate, until it is finally left for the woman to decide what to do for her sister and niece, as she is the only surviving relative of either party.<br /><br />The 20 year old girl cries as she allows her twin sister, and her sister's daughter, 6 months old, to be removed from life support. She doesn't want them to suffer any more than they already have. She cries as she holds her sister's hand in those last few minutes, then as she strokes the baby's head one last time. Life has been cruel. She walks away one last time, knowing things will never be the same.<br /><br /><em style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><u style="font-weight: bold;">Write On Wednesdays Exercise 25&nbsp;</u><b>-</b>&nbsp;I heard a song on the radio during the week and I thought the lyrics would make an interesting prompt for WoW. So, write the words "The saddest thing I ever heard" on your page, set your timer for 5 minutes and write the first words that come into your head based on the given prompt.</span></em><br /><br /><a href="http://s869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/?action=view&amp;current=signature.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/signature.png" /></a>♥α§ђ£ε¥™♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/16595632956946407806noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5871177378111967453.post-52717460053033685772011-11-16T13:56:00.000-06:002011-11-16T13:56:00.789-06:00ConsumingConsuming. That is the way of the darkness.<br /><br />It envelopes everything around you, and sometimes, it envelopes the people around you too. It darkens in like an unwelcome stranger, any time of day, without warning or invitation. It consumes every aspect of life around you- work, school, family. It consumes time, money, and energy.<br /><br />Things begin to pile up. A week's worth of laundry begins to pile up, until it seems unbearable. Concocting anything more than an instant meal is challenging. Nothing seems the right colour or shape anymore. Things that were once comforting become less such, and the energy to find comfort is lost in the darkness.<br /><br />Activities that were once enjoyable become grim. Nobody wants to be around you- you're darkened. They don't want to feel it too. Going out becomes an all-consuming task because you don't want to see those around you experience it.<br /><br />You find yourself condemning yourself for things you don't deserve. Sometimes the people around you help you do it. You're lazy. You're selfish. You're becoming lazier. Nobody cares about you. Nobody wants you around. Things will never get better. Everyone is against you. You can't do anything right. You're worthless. You're ugly. You're stupid. You're fat. The insults pile on, and you feel like you can't stop yourself.<br /><br />Your condemnation pushes you deeper as your realisations become a reality- look at that pile of unfinished work- you <i>are</i>&nbsp;lazy. You haven't brushed your hair in two days- you <i>are </i>ugly. You're gaining weight- you <i>are </i>fat. You don't do things for other people- you <i>are</i>&nbsp;selfish. It grows deeper as you withdraw more, furthering the self-condemnation.<br /><br />It's suffocating. It feels like it'll never go away. The darkness- when it consumes you, you feel helpless and trapped, you are your own prisoner. You're in your own jail cell, blocked from the light of day, beating at yourself day and night, without access to the light and happiness. It's lonely and cold. No pillows and blankets- it's not a comfortable place. Forget eating regularly- sometimes you just want out.<br /><br />Sentences of darkness vary. Some last a few weeks, and some last several months or even years. Some are deeper than others. Some go unnoticed by others, because of the mask the person wears, the prison guard mask, the "I'm ok, taking care of myself" mask.<br /><br />Sometimes it lifts. Some reach a state of overproductivity; some don't. The overproductivity is consuming too- it eats up every resource you have, taking advantage of the fact that you finally have energy, draining you back into the all consuming darkness. You feel like you're on top of the world until it is ripped away. You can do anything, for a while. This is not freedom- more like a break, if you will, from the all consuming darkness, the darkness that you know will soon sink in again, that is bound to you like a ball and chain, to come back to you if you pull away too hard.<br /><br />This is reality. This is life. It will envelope and consume until there is no more.<br /><br /><a href="http://s869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/?action=view&amp;current=signature.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/signature.png" /></a>♥α§ђ£ε¥™♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/16595632956946407806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5871177378111967453.post-52369856137048219702011-11-15T23:55:00.000-06:002011-11-15T23:55:00.290-06:00Write on Wednesday- The PlaygroundHaley watches as the young children across the street are playing on the playground. She has her eye on one girl in particular, the one she always dreamt of being. She watches as the blonde girl's head bobs around on the playground, ducking between equipment, running between other children. Haley never was much of a runner, but remembers the energy she always had, the desire to freely roam the playground.<br /><br />There are marked differences. Haley was always more bookish, and the blonde girl, she was a socialite. She seemed to know all the girls, and too, all the boys. Her cheeks were rosy from activity as she flitted across the playground as a hummingbird in flight from flower to flower; Haley always stuck herself to one area of the playground, usually book in hand. Her friends numbered few, and her energy was contained to a small area where there weren't a lot of kids who would pick on her. Haley's dark hair stood in contrast to the blonde girl's corkscrew curls, and her tan was much darker than the girl's freckly complexion.&nbsp;Even in grade school, Haley always had a twinge of envy for the prettier girls, and never felt she was one of them.<br /><br />Haley then watched the blonde girl whisper into a brunette girl's ear, one who was reading a book, one very familiar to Haley, and the brunette whispered back. She shook her head in disbelief- were they friends? She watched as the blonde took the brunette's hand, and they ran off across the playground in some game that had been invented since Haley had outgrown the grade school playground. For the rest of recess, the two girls were glued together in harmony, as if they were best friends, and Haley watched as the two enjoyed their time together. She watched as they walked back to class, hand in hand, whispering in each others' ears.<br /><br />Haley, too, decided to go inside, and make a call to her own grade school best friend; it had been years since she and the blonde girl, Lisa, had spoken. Years since they, too, had walked in from recess together, hand in hand, whispering the secrets that grade schoolers share.<br /><br /><em style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><u style="font-weight: bold;">Write On Wednesdays Exercise 24&nbsp;</u><b>-</b>&nbsp;</span></em><i style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">This week is &nbsp;a Choose Your Own Adventure week. Look to your left...In my sidebar you will find a list of the WoW writing exercises. Pick a prompt that takes your fancy and &nbsp;make it work for you.</i><br /><strong style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: justify;">Think with Character.&nbsp;</strong><em style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: justify;">Choose a character&nbsp;from your writing posts. You can still do this exercise if you are new to WoW -&nbsp;select a character from&nbsp;another piece of your writing or simply work through the exercise from scratch.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Now, think about the character in regards to their: gender,&nbsp;age,&nbsp;occupation, physical appearance and mood at this moment.&nbsp;Is your character in the&nbsp;city, the country, inside or outside? Do they live in&nbsp;rich or poor surroundings? Alone or with others? Answer all, some or one of these questions.&nbsp;</em><br /><br /><a href="http://s869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/?action=view&amp;current=signature.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/signature.png" /></a>♥α§ђ£ε¥™♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/16595632956946407806noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5871177378111967453.post-57931317073785978802011-11-12T00:27:00.000-06:002011-11-12T03:50:28.331-06:00Back in BusinessI've got my initial training barrier broken. I've been breezy and calm with the training, and it was brilliant that I already had customer service training in my brain, although it brought on some discontent during some portions of the training. All in all, it was bright and probably necessary information for someone without the prior experience, so I say well done.<br /><br />The majority was bashed into my head from previous jobs, so that's why it was familiar. Retail jobs are very similar (though not identical) in their programs. I did learn some, and saw a video that made me laugh a bit. There were some disruptions during my computer portion of the training but I still finished around the same time as the other 2 trainees, so that worked out OK.<br /><br />Now I have a schedule that I am not overly displeased with, although it's a bit broken up and scattered. Busy is good for my brain and bones...or at least it feels that way...so I accept.<br /><br />I haven't become buddies with anyone there yet, and I'm not sure how close I can become with people...I've always bumped into problems when it came to coworkers. Not that I didn't like them, it's just that there's something about me that binds them away from me! We don't bump heads or argue, we just don't go out for dinner after work. We even work together fine. I'm just a bit of a reject, you could say.<br /><br />Being employed...it's good to get away from the <strike>family</strike> house again every once in a while on my own terms. Bonus: I get paid for it! Bad part is I have to work, but that's ok, I can handle that.<br /><br />The day looks brighter when you have somewhere to go.<br /><br /><a href="http://s869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/?action=view&amp;current=signature.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/signature.png" /></a>♥α§ђ£ε¥™♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/16595632956946407806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5871177378111967453.post-1579591636708198592011-11-07T00:17:00.000-06:002011-11-07T04:19:59.333-06:00Texas State FairRetrospective Post 1- Back to October 14<br /><br />Back in October, my father took my sister, two of my sister's friends, and I to the Texas State Fair out at Fair Park in Dallas. The Texas State Fair typically lasts around 3 weeks in October, and is very popular, and crowded. The place is full of arcade games, some small rides, exhibits, a planetarium, an aquarium, other such buildings, and of course many, many food stands that include a slew of fried foods (we're Americans- moreover Texans...is that surprising?)<br /><br />This was probably one of the most exciting days in October. The first thing we did was peruse a hall that had exhibits of exorbitantly high cost items, with a man who was a "one-man band"- he played 12 instruments all on his own, including using his feet, head, knees, and everything! It was quite amusing!<br /><br />We went to the "Midway" next, the loudest part of the park, where all the games were located, as well as the rides. My dad, of course, talked me into going onto a ride which I was horrified of going onto. The ride pivots you around a fulcrum while at the same time spinning you front to back in circles, often times leaving you facing upside down. Freaky! He took pictures. *glare*<br /><br />For a while we just walked the midway, looking at what they had to offer, including marvelling at all the fried foods that were possible, including fried pop-tarts, fried cheesecake, fried Oreos, fried Coke, and fried Snickers, among other things. There were so many food stands that someone with the pickiest taste could find at least one stand that would serve something they'd like...I did! I had a quesadilla for lunch, with a frozen margarita.<br /><br />We next stopped at the huuuuuge ferris wheel, from which I got a great shot of the Dallas skyline. It was a short-ish ride, but nice to see such a large part of North Texas. The line wasn't as long as we expected it to be, so it went quick.<br /><br />Our next stop was the aquarium, where there were some awesome- and some strange- sights to see. They also had stingrays you could pet (I did not take that chance!) and displays of fish from around the world. There were also lizards, a crocodile turtle (I have NO idea how that was conceived....), and other interesting aquatic creatures. Wasn't my choice, but my sister was there with her friends, so we met her there.<br /><br />Once they left, we looked around some, then they called us down to the pond where they had some swans.....the boat kind! First time I had seen them that I remember. This is where I had my food, and they had some food too, although we ate at different places- we ate closer to the Cotton Bowl. The Cotton Bowl is the place where the "Red River Rivalry" takes place- Oklahoma plays Texas (Texas won!)<br /><br />After that, we proposed going to the planetarium for a show, but the shows were sold out, so we wandered the park for a while longer, just taking in sights and taking random rides. We sat down for a while and talked some, and we spent some time in the gift shops, looking around.<br /><br />The last thing we did, to get rid of the last of our "tickets" was go on a anti-gravity ride, which was a complete blast (I've always loved the ride! I've been on it in other fairs). We finally went to a taffy stand and bought some taffy to end out the day, and stopped at another gift shop on the way out.<br /><br />After that, we caught the Texas Rangers game on the ride home. They were in the middle of the 11th inning, and tied, vying for a place in the World Series at the time. It was an amazing ending to the game, with a grand slam (a home run hit when the bases are loaded, for the non-baseball fans) putting the Rangers winning 7-3...amazing! We got home and I was so tired, I went to bed pretty quickly. It was a pretty much awesome day. Absolutely loved it. My first time to the State Fair, and I'd love to go again (but it's very expensive). Still fun though!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://s869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/?action=view&amp;current=signature.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/signature.png" /></a>♥α§ђ£ε¥™♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/16595632956946407806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5871177378111967453.post-48897177776920844232011-11-05T00:43:00.000-05:002011-11-05T03:23:17.196-05:00Trying to Love MeThere is a blog called "<a href="http://weheartlife.com/">We Heart Life</a>" which is currently doing a linky for posts about why people (bloggers are the ones linking, some have asked people they know) love their body. For me it's always been a struggle to love my body or, well, anything about myself. I try and try, but it's a constant battle. I can be found in many blogs saying *something* degrading about myself.<br /><br />Even for me to drudge up a picture where I'll show my face is a rough task. Even to take one is a challenge! Shot 1- double chin. Shot 2- side fat. Shot 3- hair sticking out. Shot 4- caught all the acne marks. I never seem to be happy with my appearance, even when I try. It's pushed me into tears at times- for example, over the summer when I was shopping for a swimsuit and posted the "<a href="http://perpetuallyashley.blogspot.com/2011/06/not-bikini-model.html">Not A Bikini Model</a>" post, in June. No pictures, but I know how I feel about the way I look.<br /><br />Even as far as avatars go, I'm not quick to post anything more than my face, and even that is through hesitation. I do have a few pictures in my blogs from where I lost some weight and was able to fit into an older pair of jeans, "<a href="http://perpetuallyashley.blogspot.com/2011/09/those-jeans.html">Those Jeans</a>", back in September, but I still haven't come to terms with the way I look, as much as I try.<br /><br />Here, I'll make a really big effort to point out what I love about my body.....<br />.....<br />.....<br />still thinking....<br />.....<br />I like that I have small feet, because I can buy childrens' sized shoes, which are often cheaper than adult shoes (practical) or smaller adult sized shoes if I need to. I'll never have to complain about having big feet.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-71X4Dt81RBQ/TrTiqrmZBCI/AAAAAAAAAmo/2baHiuJUi9U/s1600/shoes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-71X4Dt81RBQ/TrTiqrmZBCI/AAAAAAAAAmo/2baHiuJUi9U/s200/shoes.jpg" width="179" /></a></div>I like my fingernails, because they're very strong and resilient. I can't even bite them....they just don't break, there's no sense in taking too much time trying to do so, right? So I tend to have longer nails quite often, and I can paint them well so they look nice.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-o0PpqSXrpHY/TrTkinnqvrI/AAAAAAAAAmw/Y9pPLxP-cx4/s1600/nails.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="174" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-o0PpqSXrpHY/TrTkinnqvrI/AAAAAAAAAmw/Y9pPLxP-cx4/s200/nails.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>I like that I can grow my hair out long and cut it short and donate it within a short time period. My hair really doesn't get a lot of split ends, so that's nice. I don't like the way it's not curly or straight, but it doesn't have a pattern with which it waves, it just....does, and it won't curl or straighten....but it's still soft and nice hair.<br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hQv941Yn5aI/TrTnHxrc1tI/AAAAAAAAAm4/Y8AowwzMvh0/s1600/019+%25282%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hQv941Yn5aI/TrTnHxrc1tI/AAAAAAAAAm4/Y8AowwzMvh0/s200/019+%25282%2529.JPG" width="200" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My hair before the last 11 inch chop, April 2010</td></tr></tbody></table>I like that I tan easily. Not that it's the best thing for my skin, but I do think I look a little bit better with a little bit of color.<br /><br />That's really difficult for me to do. Come up with stuff like that. People are posting full body photos, tummies and all, and I can't post anything "full body" more than this:<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-w-sQetga4xQ/TrToBTFsWoI/AAAAAAAAAnA/uQqpWwXcQAc/s1600/jeans.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-w-sQetga4xQ/TrToBTFsWoI/AAAAAAAAAnA/uQqpWwXcQAc/s320/jeans.jpg" width="118" /></a></div>and that was <i>after </i>I had lost some weight. Confidence lacking? Very much so.<br /><br />I'm trying to learn to love myself. Not everyone can do it so easily. There's not a lot to appreciate from my body right now. It rejects medications. It gains weight for no plain reason. It has a bad thyroid. It doesn't make enough red blood cells. It just <i>doesn't agree with me. </i>I'm trying to learn to live with that. A few years ago I was a size 4-5. I miss that. I wish I could be that again. It's hard to love a body that keeps making itself into something you don't want to be. I'm trying, I really am.<br /><br /><a href="http://s869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/?action=view&amp;current=signature.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/signature.png" /></a>♥α§ђ£ε¥™♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/16595632956946407806noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5871177378111967453.post-82896120936170562692011-11-04T17:23:00.000-05:002011-11-05T05:28:44.370-05:00Grateful For RecentlyWhilst I absolutely love blogging, I am absolutely grateful for the break that I took when I wasn't feeling so great in October, then extending it to complete the month and give myself some time to think. I'm grateful for the ideas that this leaves me, although some of the posts will be writing in retrospect to October.<br /><br />I'm grateful for my parents, whose anniversary was Tuesday 1st November (Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad! 25 years together).<br /><br />I'm grateful that I had the opportunity to finally interview for a job, and actually got it (I got the background check back clean today, no surprise there)<br /><br />I'm grateful that I have a blog where I can share the things I'm grateful for and people actually give me feedback and appreciate what I say (sometimes anyway)....and the 10,000 people that have viewed my blog as of today. I love all of you!<br /><br /><a href="http://s869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/?action=view&amp;current=signature.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/signature.png" /></a>♥α§ђ£ε¥™♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/16595632956946407806noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5871177378111967453.post-80988220253239583122011-11-03T16:32:00.001-05:002011-11-05T03:22:44.579-05:00Thankful Thursday- JOB!This Thursday....I am thankful to finally have a job!<br /><br />I made it through round 1 of interviewing. My first real interview in a really long time (I don't even know how long). I was nervous but the interviewer said I didn't even look so. Wow!<br /><br />I made it through round 2 of interviewing yesterday, with an offer for employment. I was still nervous! The interview consisted of "Tell me about yourself". Woah!<br /><br />Now I'm employed and will have an income, and I didn't hit 2 years of unemployment. Yipee! I'm so thankful for that. I have to do a background check, but I know I'll come out OK. It's a bad economy, and I've been searching and applying forever, and I finally got a job!<br /><br /><a href="http://s869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/?action=view&amp;current=signature.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i869.photobucket.com/albums/ab256/ashlw/signature.png" /></a>♥α§ђ£ε¥™♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/16595632956946407806noreply@blogger.com5