If this is your first visit, be sure to
check out the FAQ by clicking the
link above. You may have to register
before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages,
select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

If your posts are not appearing, it means they have been erroneously marked as spam. Please have patience until we clear the spam queue, or PM an online moderator to get them approved speedily.

You can't change your name after registration. Please take this into consideration when choosing a handle.

On a deadness scale of normal to doorknob I would rate her as double doorknob

Originally Posted by Jitka

fuck yeah sodium hexametaphosphate

that is my favorite hexametaphosphate

Malakin:because its actually the truman show just with ponys
crash826:that
crash826:makes
crash826:far too much sense
gingerale:xD
Malakin:think about it
Malakin:it all makes sense

Originally Posted by Catbread

Those sound like some pretty badass park rangers.

Originally Posted by ranasan

Wow... it's like if someone managed to manifest Missingno. from Pokemon Red and Blue into the real world, grind it up into a fine powder and then snort it.

18:21 Girard so I learned something at the barber:
18:22 Daniel ?
18:22 Girard The entirety of England, London in particular, is actually a stage for the biggest production of the musical Oliver ever made.
18:22 Girard England is a giant musical.
18:22 Girard This explains the small children with cockney accents and giant hats who dance in the streets.
18:23 Daniel ...DAMN YOU MARY POPPINS!
18:23 Daniel DAMN YOU TO HELL!

Re: MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

@ Jim: Stop being so awesome. Seriously. I am filled with impotent jealousy.

Also Postal Mistress has a bondage kink. Who knew?

The door to Persevering Maillady's bedroom bursts open. Silhouetted against the light is Problem Sleuth. Is he taller and broader?

He steps forward. "Persevering Maillady, I have finally realized that your constant flirting with me is in fact perfectly sincere. I also have broken up with Hysterical Dame because she is hysterical. I am now willing to realize that I am hopelessly in love with you."

"Oh, Sleuth!" Maillady says, grasping her hands together.

He steps forward again. "I think it is time I put you away," He pulls out some handcuffs. "Because you have been a very bad girl."

PM: Wake up.

Oh, dammit. You had that dream again. You wish you didn't specifically look for all of Problem Sleuth's mail and make his office your first stop even though it isn't anywhere near your route, because this is getting ridiculous.

Yes, I suppose that could be considered a bondage kink, but I was thinking that she's just flirting with him.

Expressing my thanks through fics is probably going to become prohibitive at some point. In any case, thank you.

A grenade rolls to her feet, and she panics, leaping out from cover and dashing behind a roulette table as it explodes. She's so close. She just has this one piece of mail left to deliver, and then she can go home.

Hearts Boxcars comes up from behind her, and as he reaches she scrambles on to the table. She throws her hands to cover her face as Droog narrowly misses her.

She sprints the final distance towards the back exit, and leaps head first through a door Clubs Deuce is closing.

She lands face first on the floor with her outstretched hand holding the piece of mail, touching the shoes of its recipient. He bends over and picks it up. She looks up to see his reaction.

"Will you accept it?" She asks.

Spades Slick grunts. "listen lady" He grunts. "this junk mail is a scam the crew sent out; you dont have to deliver it back to us"

"But it's addressed to you!" She says with pleading eyes.

Slick ignores her and walks back to the casino floor. "droog why am i on our own mailing list? you know how much i hate junkmail"

Clubs Deuce helps Persevering Maillady up and leads her out the building. Today was a good day. A good day, for

MAIL!

Thank you, you are awesome.

Originally Posted by Doodled

Oh, damn. Missed this.

Thank you, and have a mini fic.

Problem Sleuth looks out his window. He sees a car driving by and a man walking an ugly dog.

He has flash backs to when he was trapped in his office. He hides under his desk, telling himself over and over again that it's really real, that it's really real, but it doesn't help.

Yes. Hell yes.

You are awesome.

Originally Posted by Red Pen

So here is a thing I wrote about what might have led Gamzee to believe that he is two clowns.

Monochrome

He's starting to lose the colors.

It's been a while since he had a pie... a few days, maybe? There's no more sopor in his hive, or in the intertwining mystery of his sylladex, or on his dark carnival of a world. He's not sure how to alchemize more; the hulking white machines don't make any sense to him. The others can make them work, send him codes, and walk him through the process if they have time. His best friend Karkat set up a memo with step-by-step instructions specifically for him, but he keeps forgetting how to find it.

He hasn't told the others yet. No need to bother them. He's sure they'd ask him if it was something they needed to know.

But eventually, he needs them to know. He's starting to lose the colors.

When they're making plans to face the Black King, gaining some last minute levels and alchemizing more powerful gear out of the legendary quest items they keep swapping around, he pulls Karkat aside and mentions that he's got a headache. Karkat scowls at him, annoyed, always annoyed, and tells him to stop whining and go fill his Heath Vial. It's not his Health Vial, he tries to explain. It's not part of the game. The colors are missing and his head just hurts.

And Karkat knows it's the sopor; everyone knows its the sopor. Power through it, he says, in words not quite so eloquent. It's your own fault for eating that stuff in the first place. You'll get over it. You'll be fine.

Of course he'll be fine, if Karkat says so. If you can't trust your friends to look out for you, who can you trust? So he keeps going on with a smile on his face, and ignores the headache and the nausea and the way the world is turning monochrome.

And when he thinks he's got time and nobody will mind, he closes his eyes and prays that it'll be over soon. Prayer feels strangely alien, without so much fog in his head. As if he can almost see where the words are going.

- - - - - - - - - -

The howling of the King hurts his ears. Everything hurts his ears now, everything is too loud and too sharp and too bright, but this howl is different; this is a sound that he knows hurts everyone else's ears too.

He can see the psionics in the sky, Aradia's gleaming metal army taking the full force of the King's voice for the rest of them, Sollux seizing meteors in his psychic grip and hurtling them at the mutated black mass with streaks of screaming fire. The melee fighters leap from lilypad to lilypad and gouge at the creature's flailing limbs; the ones with long range weapons stand somewhere behind him and fire into the fray, and he thinks maybe he's supposed to be in one of these groups but he can never remember which one. And the howling of the King hurts his ears and now they're hot and wet and bleeding.

He covers his ears, closes his eyes, tries to shut it all out because there's no swirling rainbow fog to do it for him anymore, but it pierces him and there aren't any colors and he needs it to stop, he needs to make it stop now oh god make it stop, oh GOD make it stop...

Yes, say his gods. We will.

- - - - - - - - - -

In a panic they retreat to the Veil, and they bicker pointlessly and lay blame and get angry at one another and act out of confusion and fear. He's not sure why, mostly because he's still got that headache, and his body hasn't purged enough poisons yet to really understand the world without them. But it's also because he can't comprehend how anyone could be sad or angry or afraid anymore.

He has seen his mirthful messiahs, felt the wrath of god fill him with holy fire. Heard them speak his name, choose him and him alone to be the vessel of their rage and power. His fingertips have worked miracles.

Terezi makes contact with the aliens while Karkat's asleep, and for a while there's a frenzy to know more about them. He avoids it, for the most part. He's not feeling well and he can't see the colors and he just sort of wants to lie in the horn pile and smile up at the ceiling and think about what it was like to be a vengeful god. He's sure once he gets used to the sharpness and the loudness and the brightness he'll start to think the way everyone else does, and see the way they do, and remember things like how to use an alchemiter.

And then Karkat tells him to troll the humans. He follows orders, because if your friends don't know the right thing to do, who does?

- - - - - - - - - -

He's running blindly through the dark halls of the laboratory, screaming, his own voice hurting his injured ears. His head is pounding and he thinks he's going to throw up and he shoves something aside but it turns out to be a wall and he falls and his head hits the tile. Pain and sparks of starlight bursting in front of his vision, and of course he fell because he can't make sense of anything he sees, it wasn't like this before, it's not supposed to look like this, there are supposed to be colors!!

He rolls over and lies with his aching forehead pressed to the ground, some horrible, roiling emotion churning in his stomach, one he doesn't understand. Anger. He's angry, he hates. Hates those stupid words spoken by some alien boy, hates those two freakish creatures parading around on his computer screen, pretending to be his mirthful messiahs.

He's seen the messiahs, wielded their power. He knows them. He... he thinks he knows them. But his mind is reeling, the sopor is seeping out of him and he's painfully aware that far too much of his life has been a never-ending series of sopor-induced hallucinations. Maybe his gods never chose him, maybe that was a hallucination too. Maybe all his life he'd been praying to a couple of ugly alien fools instead of gods.

And horribly, horribly, there is no more fog and he can see exactly where the words go. They echo on and on inside his head forever, and the only one who can hear them is him.

- - - - - - - - - -

He lies there for what seems like an eternity.

His head is clear now, and the world is bright and sharp and painful, but the hole his memories used to drain out of is gone.

It's better now. Karkat said he'd be fine.

He isn't fine.

Karkat lied to him. Nothing is fine. He's only gotten worse and worse and it hurts and he can't take it anymore and Karkat knew and Karkat didn't care.

But it's better now. The hole is gone.

He touches the back of his head, where he hit it against the floor, and his fingertips come away bloody, bright with streaks of royal indigo.

After a moment, he smears it across the ground, then the walls, his face and his clothes and his hands.

And he watches the colors return.

*whistles*

YES!...

though a tad confusing.

Originally Posted by Summergale

Oh hi. It's been a while, hasn't it?

Yeah. Been busy. Don't click the spoiler if you don't like blood, but then again what with recent updates....

Vengeance

She drinks her fill of royal blood and immediately feels sorrow for it. The Tyrian purple stains her hands, her cheeks, and perhaps most importantly her lips and tongue. The thirst deep within her being is sated by that blood, like some monolithic beast newly tamed. She pushes away from the horn pile amidst a quiet cascade of honks. She shudders at their dreadful tone, once lighthearted but now soured by blood and madness.

(monster freak aberration fiend)

She doesn't understand any more. It tastes good, the best thing in the world, when once it tasted repulsive and bitter. She laps awkwardly at her hands and wrists as if trying to gulp down those last few drops. Memories cloud the back of her mind and tell her of a burning pain in her stomach that may or may not have been, a Knight's fragile tear-stained kiss, and waking into the world with a wet gasp and intense bloodthirst.

("Please, Kanaya!" he sobs, and in some now-stirring part of her she hears.)

Her entire body aches as she searches for Karkat. His wish for her return was so strong it dragged her back from the cold embrace of death, and for that... she can be only thankful. Death terrifies her in all the worst ways. She searches and cannot find him. A shame. Fleetingly she wonders what that candy-red blood would taste like, but she thrusts that errant thought from her mind. He is not to be harmed.

(He brought her back into the world, and she owes him at least that much.)

She drags herself to the transportalizer, and from there to the dim confines of her rooms. Bright fabrics drape every surface, and she would touch them if only her hands were clean. Again she turns to that unsettling routine, licking her own skin as if trying to clean them, like some kind of purrbeast. When there is no more blood, she runs her hands through her clothes and pulls out a set of work clothes. Plain. Simple. More importantly, this set of clothes lacks a gaping, green-stained hole in the stomach of the shirt.

(A sudden searing pain, and her world meltsawayintodarkness and blood.)

Her every sense feels on edge in a way she could never explain. She hears the ticking and gurgling of the lab, the gentle creaking and groaning as it shifts in its own way. She smells the blood still crusted on her clothes, a fragrant bouquet in the otherwise sterile air. The smell makes her realise - she wants revenge. Her race is doomed to a lonely extinction because of the so-called 'Prince of Hope'. She wants nothing more than to tear into Eridan, feel the fabric of his clothes and the flesh beneath tear under her fury; she wants to drink that deep purple blood and feel it run across her chin. The thoughts are unusually morbid, but she doesn't care.

(kill maim slaughter massacre mutilate)

Kanaya Maryam wants vengeance.

Author's Notes

So yeah, this was fun. The gradient effect was a bitch to do though.

That is just...

Fucking...

Swell...

Gog-damn it, I'm running out of words to say for great fics.

Originally Posted by anonymousComrade

It is finished.

I hate you all for giving me the itch for writing fanfiction, and by "hate" I mean "secretly love" because I am enjoying writing fanfic more than I ever thought possible. Mostly because I love writing and I haven't done any real writing since high school. Thanks for that I guess!

This story takes place in the trolls' universe, after Terezi was blinded but before Sgrub. It is my personal headcanon for the Karkat/Terezi "incident", no matter how lame it is, and it was actually inspired by fanart as you'll see later!

I actually think Knight of Blood was better than this, but maybe you guys will like it anyway

Enough of the backstory, you can read my notes afterward if you want to know any of that

Karkat blinked at his monitor as Terezi logged off of Trollian, her trolltag turning grey. He never could understand just what she was thinking, which caused him no end of frustration. He and Terezi had always been friends, as far back as he could remember, and they'd always been tolerant of each other's quirks; Terezi knew Karkat wasn't the "BLUH BLUH HUGE DOUCHE" he wanted everyone to believe he was, and Karkat didn't mind Terezi's obsession with Alternian law (wanting to become a threshecutioner himself) or dragons (because secretly, Karkat thought dragons were pretty rad) or even the way she used smell and taste as a second sight after the accident (okay, he just sort of tolerated that, but he was getting used to it).

But this was a first. Karkat had walked Terezi to her hive on more than one occasion, but she'd never actually asked him to come inside. Now she was openly soliciting a visit from him. What was she planning? It was difficult to tell.

Things were happening so fast. From an early age, Karkat and Terezi openly described themselves as the other's moirail, and if not for recent events, he would have been happy to keep things that way. The way they balanced each other out, in his mind, was perfect. But not long ago, he began to see her differently, and he suspected the feeling was mutual. She teased him more than usual; they spent most of their free time together; their conversations even seemed flirtier. Was it part of growing up? Or had he always felt this way, and just now was becoming aware of it?

These were the questions running through Karkat's mind when he realized he was standing in front of Terezi's tree-hive. He could tell this was her dwelling because several executed scalemates hung from the higher brances. He remembered the first time he saw her hive... at first, the hanging plush dragons weirded him out and their existence completely baffled him, and to be honest, they still kind of did. But now he just wondered where they came from. Did she buy them, or make them, or what? Eh, it didn't matter. Karkat began the long climb up her tree-hive's ladder.

When he arrived at the top of the tree and stood at Terezi's front door, he hesitated, if only slightly. What could be so important to her that she would invite him to her hive? He supposed he'd find out soon enough as he gave three loud knocks to the door.

"K4RK4T? IS TH4T YOU?"
"NO, IT'S THE HIGH LEGISLACERATORS. WE'RE HERE TO ARREST YOU FOR CRIMES AGAINST SANITY. JUST HOW CRACKED DOES YOUR THINK PAN HAVE TO BE TO EVEN LEAVE ALL THESE FUZZY CORPSES HANGING AROUND EVERYWHERE. OF COURSE IT'S ME!"
"H3H3H3! B3 R1GHT TH3R3!"

The door swung open to reveal a dimly-lit living area. "COM3 ON 1N!"

She led him up to what he guessed was her room, where she had several of her scalemates set up for court. He still wasn't sure exactly why she'd brought him here, so he asked.

She went to her closet for about a minute, during which he looked at his surroundings. Of course the room was dimly lit, Terezi would have no use for lighting after the accident that blinded her. She seemed to be taking it in stride, though. Not once did Terezi ever complain about not being able to see, and Karkat guessed it was because she quickly adapted. Her lusus had taught her how to "see" by smelling and tasting colors soon after the incident, and she went on with life like it never happened.

Terezi emerged from the closet holding something behind her back.

"OK4Y, FOUND 1T. HOLD YOUR H4NDS OUT 4ND CLOS3 YOUR 3Y3S."
"A GIFT? I GUESS THAT'S NICE, BUT WHY HAVE ME COME ALL THE WAY OUT HERE TO GET IT?"
"YOULL S33, JUST W41T! YOU W1LL LOV3 1T!"

Karkat did as he was asked, and Terezi deposited something light and fuzzy into his arms. He opened his eyes and found himself clutching... a scalemate? "1 KNOW YOU 4R3NT R34LLY 1NTO SC4L3M4T3S, BUT 1 H4D TH1S ON3 CUSTOM-M4D3 JUST FOR YOU," she told him.

He looked over the plush dragon. It was light grey with yellow button eyes. It held a tiny plastic sickle in its hand, and its belly had Karkat's symbol stitched into it with black thread. "H1S N4M3 1S H1GH THR3SH3CUT1ON3R GR3YGRUMP," she remarked, grinning ear to ear.

Karkat looked at Terezi's smile, then back at the little stuffed dragon in his hands. Clearly this little guy was supposed to be him in scalemate form. If anyone else had presented him with this, right now he'd be furious. He'd swear they were mocking him and he'd unload on them for being so stupid. In all honesty he couldn't be 100% sure Terezi wasn't doing exactly this. But... somehow, he didn't think so. Did she EVER just give her scalemates away? No, this was a special gesture from her. Upon realizing this, Karkat laughed.

"SO YOULL ST4Y 4ROUND FOR 4WH1L3 AND PL4Y?"
"A-HA, THAT'S WHAT THIS WAS ABOUT! ABSOLUTELY NOT."
"BUT K4RK444444444T--"
"NO WAY, TEREZI. LAST TIME YOU TRICKED ME INTO THIS I WAS HORKING UP SCALEMATE FLUFF FOR DAYS."
"PL33334444S3?"
"...OKAY. BUT JUST THIS ONCE."
"H3H3H3H3H3! OKAY, 1'LL B3 R1GHT B4CK!"

He figured sticking around for a while here meant he didn't have to deal with his lusus back home for a little while longer, so he had no real intention of turning down Terezi's invitation. He just liked to tease her back when he could. Terezi was kind of cute on the rare occasion he could actually get her flustered.

Of course, he was thoroughly and decisively one-upped in that department, forever, when she came back holding a goddamned bucket.

Karkat stared at her, mouth agape. He thought maybe she liked him more than as just a friend recently, but this was a bit crazy, even for her! Almost in response to it, she laughed at him. "H3H3H3! K4RKL3S, 1 C4N SM3LL YOU BLUSH1NG 3V3N 4LL TH3 W4Y OV3R H3R3! YOU KNOW 1'M NOT TH4T K1ND OF G1RL, LOOK," she said as she popped the lid off of the sordid receptacle. "1T'S JUST P41NT. C4N'T H4V3 A MURD3R SC3N3 W1THOUT A L1TTL3 BLOOD, R1GHT?" Karkat breathed a nearly-inaudible sigh of relief. He'd never hear the end of it now! She HAD to have done this on purpose.

Terezi dabbed a cloth into the red paint ("WHY RED?" "B3C4US3 R3D 1S TH3 T4ST13ST COLOR OF 4LL! >;D"), smudged it around the floor, and placed the "victim" atop the splatter. Now the game was afoot.

Almost immediately, Head Legislacerator Pyrope had a suspect in mind, but evidence needed to be collected. Fortunately for the court, Senator Citrusfoot was no criminal mastermind, and the murder weapon (a short dagger that Karkat was almost certain was actually a papermail unsheather) was found quickly.

Terezi set the orange scalemate atop the stack of boxes meant to serve as a witness stand. "SO... WHY'D YOU DO 1T?"

Karkat swore he thought he saw the doll breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe it was because seeing Terezi performing her insane courtroom drama plays in person was actually really good, as opposed to seeing them in Trollian chatlog form. She could be an actress if not for her passion for law, he thought to himself, though he would never admit it.

"BUT... 1 CANNOT GU4R4NT33 THE THR3SH3CUT1ON3RS W1LL B3 SO L3N13NT!" Terezi grabbed High Threshecutioner Greygrump. "4LL R1S3 FOR TH3 HONOR4BL3 H1GH THR3SH3CUT1ON3R." Terezi stood up. When Karkat remained seated on the floor, she glared at him until he stood up too. He could play along, just this once.

Terezi sat the grey scalemate next to the drawn picture of His Tyranny. "H1GH THR3SH3CUT1ON3R, WH4T 1S YOUR R3COMM3ND4T1ON?"

Something about Terezi calmed Karkat down. He simply could not rage at her the way he would have at anyone else who suggested he take part of this bizarre farce.

Karkat took his sickle from his strife specibus. If he was going to play along, he was going to do it right. He needed to think of a one-liner, something good, something cool. After a few seconds it finally came to him.

He swung in a wide arc, neatly decapitating Citrusfoot. As the doll's head came to a stop on the ground, Karkat spoke, arm still extended from the strike.

"NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY TO RUN, THE LEGAL SYSTEM IS ALWAYS... ONE STEP A-HEAD."

As the night continued, they acted out a few more court cases. It was getting later, but the green Alternian moonlight lit the room well enough. Karkat, strangely enough, was actually beginning to enjoy himself, and began making his pre-kill one-liners as lame as possible on purpose. "LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN... CUT FROM THE TEAM," to a scalemate convicted of poisoning a superior. "REST IN PIECES," he quipped to the one found guilty of killing to drum up interest in his death memorial business. They never failed to make Terezi laugh, and he found he enjoyed her laughter very much.

The night continued like this until, while pacing back and forth interrogating Captain Coconutface about his allegations of treason, Terezi slipped on the red paint used to set up the latest crime scene, and fell next to where Karkat sat on the floor. Immediately he reached to help her.

He wasn't sure what he was saying, or what he was going to say, or even what this was he was feeling. All he knew what that he liked it.

"I'D... I'D LIKE TO STAY LIKE THIS FOR A WHILE, IF YOU DON'T MIND."

What was he saying? What a creepy request!

"H3H3. OK4Y >:]"

And she was going along with it! This wasn't helping him, if anything, Karkat was more confused than ever as he sat in the dark, arms around Terezi.

Almost at once it all clicked.

"TEREZI?" She turned around to face him. "Y3S, K4RK4T?" By God, she was stunning in the Alternian moonlight.

"I THINK..."
"Y3S? >;]"
"I THINK... I WOULD LIKE..."
"Y3333SSSS? >;]"
"I WOULD LIKE US TO BE MORE THAN FRIENDS."
">:O >:O >:O >:O"

Terezi stared at him with that shocked expression on her face. His next action was almost a reflex, and upon reflection Karkat was never sure WHY he did it, just that it was something he HAD to do.

His lips met with hers, in the dark room lit only by the moonlight filtered through the blue and purple treetops. Karkat was a creature fueled by rage, or so he would have everyone believe; hell, he often went out of his way just to be a dick to total strangers. But tonight, any fury he harbored against the world was gone, and he wanted nothing more than Terezi's love.

This time, she kissed him, and it was Karkat's turn to be surprised. His mind started spinning, how does a guy respond to this? Part of him wanted to run, part of him wanted to stay, part of him was pissed at himself for being such an emotional baby. Eventually, he settled on "fuck it, go along with it. Let's make this shit work. We're making this happen."

When Terezi pulled away from the kiss, she dipped her fingers into the still-wet paint on the floor and draw a heart on Karkat's shirt. "M4T3SPR1T >;]", she breathed into his ear. He couldn't help but roll his eyes at how corny it was, but it was a feeling he wouldn't trade for the world. The two embraced, and stayed that way until they fell asleep in each other's arms.

Karkat woke up in the dead of the night, still holding Terezi. Gently, he picked her up and laid her atop her bed, then left for home. He needed to plan out how to sneak back into his own hive; his lusus would be furious if it found out he was out this late, for the musclebeasts would hunt soon.

Karkat looked down at his clothes. He was absolutely covered in Terezi's crime scene. It would take HOURS to wash all of it out.

And not one fuck was given about it that day.

Notes:

So yeah I ship Karkat/Terezi pretty hard! What of it

This story was inspired almost entirely by a piece of fanart which I uploaded here (NSFW? Honestly I have no idea! How does this even work, if this is seriously offensive I'll remove the link but I don't think it is). I found it posted in a Homestuck thread on /co/ and it is entirely devoid of context for me; I've no idea who drew it, or when it was drawn. I'm told it was drawn before the revelation of Karkat's blood color but that doesn't stop the kind of implications 4chan made about it if you understand the vernacular. But I didn't immediately see things that way because despite hailing from /co/ my mind isn't perpetually in the gutter.

My biggest fear, I've noticed, when I'm writing stuff like this, is that I'll ruin everything by making characters do things they'd never do in canon. Going out of character, for me, seems to be the cardinal sin. Having said that, I'm not sure I was able to do as good a job here as in Knight of Blood. Writing dialogue was actually a bit of a challenge, and not just because I had to go back and check for errant 4s, 1s and 3s in Terezi's dialogue.

Writing Karkat is easy enough. He's a jerk with a heart of gold, you just have to know him really well to get past the "jerk" part. But honestly I don't think I wrote him as enough of a dick here! I think I wrote him too nice, he doesn't seem like enough of a snarky bastard. I figured he'd ease up around someone he considered matesprit material, but being an ass is kind of who Karkat is. So I guess you guys decide.

Terezi is another story. I'm so afraid I didn't get her right at all and now I fully expect people to be like "oh so THAT'S why she didn't have any dialogue in Knight of Blood, the throat injury was just a clever write-around to cover for the fact that this dude couldn't write conversation to save his own life". I don't know, maybe I'm being too hard on myself, I tend to do that if you haven't noticed! But I still think there's a lot of room for improvement.

There were a few things that didn't make the cut! One bit that still makes me chuckle to myself when I think about it was one line of Karkat dialouge: "...THIS STUFF IS LIKE AN INDUSTRIAL-STRENGTH APHRODISIAC FOR YOU, ISN'T IT?" I cut it because I couldn't really work it into the story without it becoming less "d'awwwww" and more "cue bass grove", if you catch my drift. Another bit I cut for being just plain awful: at one point, Karkat was going to look into Terezi's eyes (like he was going to ask her to take off her glasses and everything) and be all "hey your eyes are actually beautiful". But I realized that THIS IS STUPID because he's basically saying "hey I think those useless burnt-out solid red orbs that you can't see a damn thing out of are kickin' rad! It sure is swell that you went and got yourself blinded" and that would be a horrible thing to say! Or would it? Ha ha, my crippling uncertainty about my work makes me my own harshest critic!

Re: shipping: I don't ship the kids because I am constantly reminded, through their actions, that they are 13 years old. I ship the trolls because I constantly forget they are 6 solar sweeps. Perhaps trolls grow up quicker! That would work in my favor, but that is a cop-out.

Re: fanfiction writing in general: yeah. I still think fanfic writing is all kinds of lame. But now, I think it's a lameness I can revel in, instead of being repulsed by it. (This is the part where you all start chanting "ONE OF US ONE OF US ONE OF US")

Finally: holy shit this fic is pretty long now that I look at it. Now I'm wondering if it's just chock full of useless bullshit that could be trimmed and not harm the story in any way. But I'll leave that for you readers to decide.

It started as a one-off joke in the Image Manips thread. People liked the idea so much, I couldn't say no.

Zero Punctuation: SBurb BETA

(Intro)

ZERO
PUNCTUATION!
Reviews SBurb

Well, I suppose you should be thankful I'm doing this at all. I've suddenly become very busy over the past week, and the fact that I'm still doing these videos is probably the most compelling evidence for me being absolutely psychotic thus far seen!

But enough about me.

SBurb is a game by up-and-coming game developer, "Skaianet." Now, the Terminator reference starts out as a nice "oh ha ha look at this, they sound like something from popular culture" thing, but for reasons that will soon become readily apparent, the name of this studio has taken on a very sinister meaning. It is definitely my belief that we as a race have been collectively buggered by an army of unfeeling robots.

At the outset of Sburb, you have to connect to one of your friends and set up a server-client connection. Apparently, there can be a chain of any length of servers and clients, but it eventually has to loop in on itself like an overwrought digital Ouroboros, establishing the set number of players in one "session." This has to happen, or otherwise you'll eventually lose one of your guys to a meteor.

Yeah, you heard me right, a meteor.

I'll let you sit there and chew on that for a moment. Are you done? Good.

Using your client disk apparently sends an outer space rock heading toward your house, a fact which I discovered to my dismay when I wandered away from my home during a lull in the pre-game process whilst searching the recently-flooded streets of Brisbane for a functioning convenience store. It's amazing, when you think about it, how imminent death can kill your appetite.

Oh right, remember that explosion in Brisbane you heard about last Thursday? My bad, sorry guys.

To begin the game, you must run through an incredibly unintuitive series of puzzles that your server starts off by using his copy of the game to physically place a set of massive machines into your home. I also think the servers somehow control the puzzles, because my last one was yelling at a figurine of one of those black imp things you see in these videos until his head exploded. And by that point, yelling at things was no difficulty, I can tell you that much.

Once the last puzzle is finished, you begin the long, torturous process of questing through a randomly-generated level with a randomly-generated class. Being a "Knight of Rage" was all good fun, but I am not exaggerating when I say that having to venture through "The Land of Wrath and Frost" was probably the most torturous experience of my life. It was f***ing cold there.

Apparently, you're allowed to pick what your enemies look like beforehand, and at the time, I thought did an amirable job of it. I made them all look like Team Fortress 2 characters, which I thought was a win-win of introducing both a reasonable challenge and that excellent visual design I continually tongue-bathe in that written column that nobody reads.

Listen to me right now.

DON'T. DO THIS.

You don't want the hassle. Some of the monsters get rocket launchers. Some get miniguns. Some of them sound like that c***, the Scout, and they do not shut up. And this is an incredibly realistic game, mind you! Getting shot in the knee feels like getting shot in the knee! Thank God for health bars, because otherwise I'd probably be a loose pile of offal with bullets sticking out!

So eventually you journey away from the hellish wastes you start out in, and make your way to the hellish wastes your friends start in. But every other teleporter you find sends you back to where you started!

Oh, right, there are teleporters. You'd think I'd be making a bigger deal out of this, but honestly, I think my logic center got left behind somewhere when the meteor hit. This is all just business as usual for me at this point.

I'm fast approaching my self-imposed deadline, so I'll just wrap up with a quick yay or nay. Should you buy this game? NO! In fact, if you see this game in stores, you should take every copy on the shelf and chuck them into the nearest sewer you find! I've been playing this game for a f***ing week and there's still no end in sight! Save yourself the misery and do not play this game.

Now I've got to go. My friends are gabbing at me to help them with another of these increasingly final final bosses. Stay tuned, and see if I continue giving a f*** next week.

(Credits)Yes, he seriously got the title "Knight of Rage" completely on accident
BEN "YAHTZEE"
CROSHAW

Re: MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

It started as a one-off joke in the Image Manips thread. People liked the idea so much, I couldn't say no.

Zero Punctuation: SBurb BETA

(Intro)

ZERO
PUNCTUATION!
Reviews SBurb

Well, I suppose you should be thankful I'm doing this at all. I've suddenly become very busy over the past week, and the fact that I'm still doing these videos is probably the most compelling evidence for me being absolutely psychotic thus far seen!

But enough about me.

SBurb is a game by up-and-coming game developer, "Skaianet." Now, the Terminator reference starts out as a nice "oh ha ha look at this, they sound like something from popular culture" thing, but for reasons that will soon become readily apparent, the name of this studio has taken on a very sinister meaning. It is definitely my belief that we as a race have been collectively buggered by an army of unfeeling robots.

At the outset of Sburb, you have to connect to one of your friends and set up a server-client connection. Apparently, there can be a chain of any length of servers and clients, but it eventually has to loop in on itself like an overwrought digital Ouroboros, establishing the set number of players in one "session." This has to happen, or otherwise you'll eventually lose one of your guys to a meteor.

Yeah, you heard me right, a meteor.

I'll let you sit there and chew on that for a moment. Are you done? Good.

Using your client disk apparently sends an outer space rock heading toward your house, a fact which I discovered to my dismay when I wandered away from my home during a lull in the pre-game process whilst searching the recently-flooded streets of Brisbane for a functioning convenience store. It's amazing, when you think about it, how imminent death can kill your appetite.

Oh right, remember that explosion in Brisbane you heard about last Thursday? My bad, sorry guys.

To begin the game, you must run through an incredibly unintuitive series of puzzles that your server starts off by using his copy of the game to physically place a set of massive machines into your home. I also think the servers somehow control the puzzles, because my last one was yelling at a figurine of one of those black imp things you see in these videos until his head exploded. And by that point, yelling at things was no difficulty, I can tell you that much.

Once the last puzzle is finished, you begin the long, torturous process of questing through a randomly-generated level with a randomly-generated class. Being a "Knight of Rage" was all good fun, but I am not exaggerating when I say that having to venture through "The Land of Wrath and Frost" was probably the most torturous experience of my life. It was f***ing cold there.

Apparently, you're allowed to pick what your enemies look like beforehand, and at the time, I thought did an amirable job of it. I made them all look like Team Fortress 2 characters, which I thought was a win-win of introducing both a reasonable challenge and that excellent visual design I continually tongue-bathe in that written column that nobody reads.

Listen to me right now.

DON'T. DO THIS.

You don't want the hassle. Some of the monsters get rocket launchers. Some get miniguns. Some of them sound like that c***, the Scout, and they do not shut up. And this is an incredibly realistic game, mind you! Getting shot in the knee feels like getting shot in the knee! Thank God for health bars, because otherwise I'd probably be a loose pile of offal with bullets sticking out!

So eventually you journey away from the hellish wastes you start out in, and make your way to the hellish wastes your friends start in. But every other teleporter you find sends you back to where you started!

Oh, right, there are teleporters. You'd think I'd be making a bigger deal out of this, but honestly, I think my logic center got left behind somewhere when the meteor hit. This is all just business as usual for me at this point.

I'm fast approaching my self-imposed deadline, so I'll just wrap up with a quick yay or nay. Should you buy this game? NO! In fact, if you see this game in stores, you should take every copy on the shelf and chuck them into the nearest sewer you find! I've been playing this game for a f***ing week and there's still no end in sight! Save yourself the misery and do not play this game.

Now I've got to go. My friends are gabbing at me to help them with another of these increasingly final final bosses. Stay tuned, and see if I continue giving a f*** next week.

(Credits)Yes, he seriously got the title "Knight of Rage" completely on accident
BEN "YAHTZEE"
CROSHAW

Re: MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

The third (and final?) part of the fiction i was writing. Of course blown out of the water by the main story, not that I mind it has been fun writing it.

Karkat's point of view, and I found I like writing him a lot. I actually thought it would be boring!

WARNINGS: Talk of buckets and babies and human torsos.

And no, I have no idea how the idea about the future of Karkat came up. I was writing and it sounded hilarious so I went with it, and it ended up being funnier then advertised. Though everyone else may not agree XD.

Re: MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

Arrrgh, I should have started writing a comment dump earlier. I'm just going to have to drop my usual love for Homeworld and then slink off out of this constantly exploding ruin we call a forum before it eats anther comment.

Re: MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

Open Pesterlog:

--hotbloodRed [HR] began pestering skyFinder [SF]--[HR] SIMON! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?[SF] Aniki! Hi! Uh
[SF] I'm in a little Ganmen and I'm about to blast off to space.[HR] OKAY! YES! [SF] It looks like it'll be pretty neat, and since I saw your Ganmen, I thought...[HR] SIMON! I'VE BEEN THINKING!
[HR] MY KERNELSPRITE SEEMS TO WANT ME TO PROTOTYPE IT AGAIN!
[HR] BUT ITS SUGGESTION IS SORT OF WEIRD![SF] Well, have you asked Leeron?[HR] HE'S ASLEEP FOR SOME REASON![SF] Well, I don't really know, I mean...
[SF] I know they're supposed to be your ghostly spirit guide or something...
[SF] So maybe just do what it says!
[SF] It knows stuff about the game, so it probably knows better than I do...
[SF] But I should really go...
[SF] Blast off to the seventh gate and, uh, win the game? [HR] YES! LATER![HR] WAIT![SF] Aniki?[HR] SIMON, DON'T GO! SOMETHING'S HAPPENING![SF] What?[HR] OH! IT'S ANOTHER ME FROM THE FUTURE![SF] What?[HR] I JUST APPEARED! AND I LOOK REALLY COOL!
[HR] AND HE SAYS DON'T GO, OR YOU'RE GOING TO DIE![SF] Die? Really? But...
[SF] This isn't another silly joke like the one you played on Yoko is it?
[SF] Nobody's falling for that one again...
[SF] Even I'm not that gullible![HR] SIMON!
[HR] HE SAYS GULLIBLE ENOUGH TO TRUST SOME LEETSPEAKING BEASTMAN WHO WANTS YOU DEAD! [SF] Sorry, Aniki. But I want to do the kind of thing you do. I can do it, I know I can do it...[HR] SIMON! DON'T BELIEVE ME!
[HR] BELIEVE IN FUTURE ME, WHO BELIEVES ME![SF] ...

Not as good as Graven, I fear. But I still had fun redoing Dave and John's jetpack scene. I had the name K-a-m-i-n-a in there a few times but it just kept coming out Kamina, so I changed them to Aniki. Maybe I should have just called him Bro?

Re: MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

Originally Posted by Wigmund

Damn, everyone is great.

The Hunt

Open Memo

CURRENT arsenicCatnip [CAC] RIGHT NOW opened a memo on board TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTYCAC: :33 < *ac cl33ns her whiskers after a series of successful hunts*CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memoCCG: GOG FUCKING DAMMIT NEPETA! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT OPENING ROLEPLAYING MEMOS!CCG: WE CAN'T HAVE YOU AND TEREZI CROWDING UP THIS PLACE WITH YOUR STUPID GIRLY BEAST LEAVINGS!CAC: :33 < *ac gets up and reassures her mate that he should not worry about anyone else ruining their fun*CCG: MATE? NEPETA, STOP THAT FUCKING SHIT RIGHT NOW ANDCCG: ...CCG: WAITCCG: ...CCG: WHY SHOULD I NOT WORRY ABOUT ANYONE ELSE RUINING OUR FUN?CCG: NEPETACAC: :33 < *ac wipes her face with a paw, smiles at her karkitty and wonders what he wants to talk about*CCG: NEPETA, WHAT DID YOU DO?CAC: :PP < *ac rubs her belly after a day of good eats*CCG: OHCCG: FUCKCCG: NEPETA, PLEASE TELL ME THAT YOU DIDN'T DO THAT. PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN'T GO CRAZY.CAC: :33 < *ac recalls that she didn't go craz33, she just remempurred her true natpurr*CCG: OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCKPAST adiosToreador [PAT] 9 HOURS AGO responded to memoPAT: uH, hEY THERE,CCG: OH GOD TAVROS, WHAT DO YOU WANTPAT: i, uMM, wAS JUST WONDERING IF I SHOULD BE CONCERNED ABOUT THE, uH, gROWLING NOISES I HEAR NEARBY,CCG: FUCK YES YOU SHOULD BE DUMBFUCK! WHERE ARE YOU? I'LL SEND A MESSAGE TO MY STUPID FUCKING PAST SELF TO GO FIND YOU.CAC: :33 < yes, pl33se tell us your purrent location. you pawsitively n33d to tell usPAT: wELL, uH, i AM CURRENTLY AT VRISKA'S HIVE AND IPAT: :33 < *the young calf no longer n33ds any help*CCG: ...CAC: :PP < *ac licks her chops and remembers the flavor of b33f*PAT: >:33 < it is a lovely taste. pity the chocolate sauce doesn't go well with itCAC: DDX < *ac remembers the taste of the sauce and wonders why the bull had such nasty tasting blood*CCG: OH GOD, PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS ALL AN ELABORATE JOKE.PAST arachnidsGrip [PAG] 8 HOURS AGO responded to memoPAG: Taaaaaaaavros, where are you?PAG: This is the l8st memo you responded to, so you 8etter show your f8ce so I c8n find you.PAG: >:::PAT: >:]] < I, uH, aM IN YOUR HIVEPAG: HmmmmmmmmPAG: You just couldn’t st8y away from me.CCG: FUCKING HELL VRISKA! CAN’T YOU SEE THAT YOU ARE NOT TALKING TO TAVROS?PAG: Shut up K8rk8t. You’re just soooooooo je8lous th8t the 8oy skyl8rk is getting all of this.PAG: You refused me, now you’re regretting your decision.CCG: OH FUCK IT, GO HAVE FUN WITH TAVROSPAG: I will, we will h8ve so much fun!!!!!!!!PAG: In f8ct, I c8n’t wait to show him how much I appreci8 his loy8lty to me.PAG: XPP < bluh, spiders taste nastyCAC: ( < I know, but the blueberry marinade did mask the bitternessPAT: :33 < *the bull kitty dances in joy at the knowledge that her next meal will come to her*CAC: ;33 < pity it was our 33siest m33l to catchCCG: I THINK I’M GOING TO BE SICKCAC: o < oh no!PAST caligulasAquarium [PCA] 4 HOURS AGO responded to memoPCA: hey, I am so fuckin lonely here on lowwaaPCA: came somebody come here and keep me companyCAC: >:II < go play with the fish girl, she wants to see youPCA: fef? I knew she would finally admit her true feelins for mePCA: excuse me cause I am headin through the gate right nowPCA disconnected from the memoPCA reconnected 3:50 HOURS AGO responded to memoPCA: :33 < fish heads, fish heads, rolly polly fish headsCAC: XDD < we eats them up. YUM!CCG: YOU KNOW WHAT, I’M COMPLETELY FINE WITH YOU EATING THAT DOUCHEBAGCCG: I WISH YOU HAD CHOKED ON HIM THOUGHCAC: (PAST cuttlefishCuller [PCC] 3 HOURS AGO responded to memoPCC: oh noooooCCG: OH GOD, RUN FEFERI. DON’T TELL US WHERE YOU ARE AND JUST RUNPCC: it is T—ERRIBL—E KARKRAB! I just found –Eridan’s body.CCG: PLEASE RUN, PLEASE DO IT FOR SOLLUXPCC: why should I karkat? Nepeta’s right here, she can tell me what happenedCCG: FUCKPCC: :33 < D-ELICIOUSCAC: X33 < two fishy m33ls in one day. today is so gr33t!PCA: :OO < two fishy m33ls? i better find a good hiding placePCC: >:]] < there's a lovely bush right next to the nasty fish boy's bodyPCA: X33 < thank you future me!CAC: :33 < karkitty?CCG: OH GOG, SORRY I'VE BEEN BUSY LOSING MY LAST MEALPAT: :OO < oh noooo, i better bring you something to eat when I come visitCAC: ;33 < don't worry, i haveCCG: UUGGHHHPAST terminallyCapricious [PTC] 5 HOURS AGO responded to memoPTC: HoNk HoNk MoThErFuCkErSPTC: WhAt KiNd Of MiRaClEs ArE tAkInG pLaCe HeRe?CAC: :33 < the best kindPTC: FuCkInG aWeSoMe, I wAs SiTtInG hErE iN mY hIvE aNd I wAs FuCkInG bOrEd So I dEcIdEd To SeE wHaT mY bEsT fUcKiNg FrIeNdS wErE uP tOPAT: >:33 < so you are in your tent all alone?PTC: YeAhPTC: WaIt, WhY aRe YoU tAlKiNg LiKe ThE kItTy GiRl TaVrOs?CAC: :33 < turn around and find outPTC: WhY? WhAt ThE fUcK iS bEhInD mE?CCG: RUN GAMZEE, GET OUT OF YOUR HORN PILE AND RUN YOU STUPID FUCKPTC: HoNkPTC: :33 < honk, little goat tasted funnyCCG: NONONONO THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!CAC: :33 < but it is karkittyCCG: OH GOG, PLEASE NO...PLEASE DON'T RESPOND TO THIS MEMO ANYONE.CCG: JUST RUN AWAY. HIDE YOURSELVES. DON'T RESPOND AND RUN.CCG: HIDE FROM THE FUCKING INSANE AUTISTIC CAVE GIRL.PAST twinArmaggedons [PTA] 2 HOURS AGO responded to the memo[/color]CCG: OH GOD SOLLUX PLEASE DON'T. PLEASE RUN. RUN YOU FUCKING FOOL.PTA: 2he fuckiing kiilled and ate FF. ii wiill fiind her and kiill her KK.CCG: NO YOU WON'T BECAUSE HER CURRENT SELF OPENED THE MEMO.CCG: I HOPE THAT MEANT YOU ARE HIDING SOMEWHERE SAFE.CCG: DON'T WORRY ABOUT FEFERI SOLLUX, WE'LL RESURRECT HER ONCE THIS CRAZY SHIT IS ALL OVERCAC: >:PP < you have to have a body to kiss to do thatCCG: OH GOGCAC: :33 < i have been so hungry for so longPTA: where the fuck are you NP?CAC: >:33 < where are you?PTA: ii'm on LOBAF and iiPTA: 8|| < taste like mustardCAC: X)) < it's true!CCG: I SWEAR NEPETA, WHEN I SEE YOU I'M GOING TO FUCKING GUT YOU.CCG: I WILL GUT YOU AND NEVER KISS YOUR CORPSECCG: I WILL PIN IT TO THE WALLS AND THEY WILL BE COVERED IN BLOODCAC: ( < karkitty...CAC: ;33 < are you talking about a shipping wall?CCG: AUIEORJOER)*#K#KFG!PAST grimAuxiliatrix [PGA] 6 HOURS AGO responded to the memoPGA: Greetings Karkat and NepetasCCG: OH GOD, PLEASE KANAYA.CCG: PLEASE TELL ME YOU FOUND A SAFE PLACE AND YOU AREN'T GOING TO TELL US WHERE IT IS.CCG: PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE SAFE SO WE CAN FIND A WAY TO HELP EVERYONE THAT NEPETA KILLED.PGA: I Apologize Karkat But I Am Unable To Do ThatCCG: OH GOGPGA: I Have Been Following This Memo For Some Time And I Decided That I Had To See What I Could Do To Help Tavros And VriskaCCG: FUCK YOU DIDN'T. YOU DIDN'T TRAVEL TO VRISKA'S HIVE.PGA: Unfortunately That Is TrueCCG: PLEASE TELL ME NEPETA LEFT ALREADY PLEASE...CCG: OH FUCKPGA: She Is Right In Front Of MePGA: Unfortunately I Do Not Have The Reflexes To Retrieve My Lipstick Before She Attacks Me So I Am Going To Spend My Final Moments To Tell You That I Cherished Our FriendshipCCG: KANAYA...PGA: You Were The Best Moirail I Could Have Asked For Karkat Thank YouPGA: And GoodbyeCCG: NONONONOFUCKNONONOGOGDAMMITNEPETA!PGA: ( < i am sorry karkitty, pl33se f33l better knowing that i killed her quicklyCCG: FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING PSYCHOTIC BITCH!CAC: >:II < i am not a bitchCAC: >:33 < i am a queenCCG: FUCK YOU ALL THE SAMEPAT: (PAG: (PCA: (PCC: (PTA: (PGA: (CCG: I WISH I COULD FUCKING BAN YOU SO I DIDN'T HAVE TO BE MOCKED LIKE THISCCG: YOU ARE A FUCKING MONSTERPAST apocalypseArisen [PAA] 7 HOURS AGO responded to the memoCCG: OH GOG ARADIA, PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE GOING TO DO SOMETHING TO FIX ALL OF THISPAA: there is n0thing that can be d0ne f0r this timelineCCG: OH FUCK NOPAA: it is d00medCCG: PLEASE NOPAA: i will leave n0w and make sure it never happenedCCG: ARADIA PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!PAA has disconnected from the memoCCG: OH GOG, I'M GOING TO DIECCG: THIS IS SO FUCKING UNFAIRCCG: DAMN YOU NEPETACCG: FUCKING DAMN YOUPAST gallowsCalibrator [PGC] 1 HOUR AGO responded to the memoCCG: TEREZI, PLEASECCG: PLEASE DON'TPGC: DON'T WH4T K4RKL3S?CCG: DON'T LET NEPETA KNOW WHERE YOU ARE.PGC: WHY SHOULDN'T 1? TH3 POUNC3LOR H4S B33N 4CT1NG OUT OF L1N3 4ND SH3 MUST 4NSW3R TO TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR 4ND H1S MOST HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNY FOR H3R 4CT1ONSCAC: >:33 < *ac would like to point out to the honorable tyranny that the legislacerator is responding to this memo from one hour in the past while the pouncelor is the one who just created it*PGC: H3H3H3H3PGC: W3LL PL4Y3D N3P3T4PGC: W3LL PL4Y3DCCG: OH GOG, NOT TEREZI. PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME TEREZI. NOT LIKE THISCCG: I'M SORRY FOR EVERYTHING I DID TO YOU TEREZI, JUST DON'T LEAVE ME ALONEPGC: K4RKL3S, 1 C4N SM3LL 4 R41NBOW 1N TH3 D4RKN3SSCCG: TEREZI RUN. I'M IN MY HIVE ON LOPAH. IF YOU CAN MAKE IT HERE WE CAN MAKE A STAND AGAINST NEPETAPGC: 1 4M SORRY, 1T'S TOO L4T3 FOR TH4T K4RK4T V4NT4SPGC: 1 W1LL JUST L3T YOU KNOW TH4T TRULY 3NJOY3D OUR T1M3 TOG3TH3RPGC: TH4NK YOUCCG: NO...FUCK NOPGC: ( < awww, i guess we'll need to update the shipping wallCAC: ;33 < not nowPGC: XDD < purrcisely!CAC: ? < *ac ponders who is left*CAC: D < oh wait, it's time to find out what caused all of this in the furst placePAST centaursTesticle [PCT] 11 HOURS AGO responded to the memoPCT: D--> nepeta, you must cease this f001ishnessPCT: D--> it is most unbecoming of you to do thisPCT: D--> you have distracted me with this obno%ous memo during a critical fightPCT has disconnected from the memoCCG: WHAT THE FUCKCCG: DID YOU KILL EQUIUS?PAST arsenicCatnip [PAC] 11 HOURS AGO responded to the memoPAC: D < oh no! a nasty ogre killed equiusCCG: WHATPAC: ( < he stopped fighting for some reason and the ogre killed himPAC: :,(( < i killed the ogre, but equius won't get upCAC: :33 < acPAC: ? < yes future me?CAC: >:33 < don't kiss himPAC: D < why? dont we want him back?CAC: >:]] < taste his bloodPAC: D < whatPAT: :33 < do it, it tasted so goodPAG: XDD < yes, equius would have wanted it this wayPCA: :PP < you must take his strengthPCC: :33 < he would have wanted you to become strongerPAC: ( < but...but i cant i cant eat himPTC: :33 < just taste his bloodPTA: :33 < do it and efurything will become cl33rerPGA: :33 < do itPGC: :33 < yes, do itPAC: ( < well...okay, if it's alright with efuryone else...CCG: OH FUCK, DON'T DO IT NEPETA!CCG: DON'T TASTE HIS BLOOD!CCG: PLEASE DON'TCAC: >:]] < too late karkittyPAC: :|| < i f33l...CAC: ? < yes?PAC: :|| < i f33l...CAC: D < yes?PAC: >:33 < goodCCG: OH GOGCAC: :33 < and it will feel so much better laterCAC: :33 < i have left the you the path you should hunt alongPAC: XDD < yes, you did didn't you?CAC: >:33 < now go enjoy yourselfCAC: :33 < all of the past mes, enjoy yourselvesPAT has disconnected from the memoPAG has disconencted from the memoPCA has disconnected from the memoPCC has disconnected from the memoPTC has disconnected from the memoPTA has disconnected from the memoPGA has disconnected from the memoPGC has disconnected from the memoPAC has disconnected from the memoCAC: >:33 < now it is just you and me karkittyCCG: FUCK YOUCAC: :33 < hmmmCAC: ;33 < that is an interesting suggestionCCG: HOW ABOUT THIS ONE? FUCK OFF AND DIECAC: ( < i cannot do that karkittyCAC: :33 < i n33d to give you your surpriseCCG: FUCK OFF AND...CCG: OH GOD I JUST HEARD SOMETHING IN MY HIVECCG: OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCKCAC: :33 < where is karkitty?CCG attempted to disconnect from the memo
- ACTION DENIED! -CCG: OH GOG WHY CAN'T I DISCONNECT?CAC: :33 < why would you want to do that?CCG: OH FUCKCAC: >:33 < where is my karkitty?CCG: FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKCAC: >:33CCG: OH GOG WHERE ARE YOU? WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU HIDING?CCG: GAAAAHHHH! FUCK THE LIGHTS WENT OUTCCG: OH GOG IT'S TOO DARKCCG: OHGOGOHGOGOHFUCKCAC: :33 < *ac stalks through the dark caves*CCG: OH GOG WHERE'S MY CLOSET?CAC: :33 < *she closes in on the one she has chosen*CCG: FUCK DOOR WON'T LOCKCAC: :33 < *ac listens to the panicked breathing of her chosen, she wants to calm him down so much*CCG: FUCKFUCKFUCK LOCK YOU PIECE OF SHIT DOORCAC: >:33 < look up karkittyCCG: AJGDAUREOR#OFKAMDCCG has disconnected from the memoCAC: >D < now we can be together furever

Re: MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

Thanks for the compliments about The Hunt, it was a pain in the ass to write because I couldn't figure out how to juggle the various past responses. At one point I thought about having a past AC respond after each troll did and disconnect the troll they just killed, but then I figured that her using their handle would be creepier for Karkat (whose fate I left up in the air).

Re: MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

Open Pesterlog

blueCaboose [BC] began pestering badassLeader [BL]BC: Uhhh, ChurchBL: OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK NOW CABOOSE?BC: We have babiesBL: ...BL: WhatBC: Babies, I made some. They're so cuteBC: Oh I'll call this one Church. He looks just like you.BL: Fucking hell you idiot don't touch them, you'll end up making us all retarded or something.BC: Uh oh...BL: Don't tell me, you picked up one of them and dropped it on his head.BC: I won't tell you then.BC: But how did you know.BL: Dammit Caboose.

Damn that was horrible, but it's been months since I watched any Red vs Blue.

Re: MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

... Okay, so I actually had the idea before that, but it's a fun coincidence. Really, it was only a matter of time before someone did an HP/HS crossover.

Wizardstuck

It was the beginning of another year at Hogwarts for the young Harry Potter. It was a year that would undoubtedly be full of adventure and intrigue with Harry somehow saving the day, but we're not anywhere near that part of the book yet, so hold your damn horses. We've gotta start somewhere.

And start we shall.

Harry arrived at King's Cross station with no fuss, for once. He walked through the wall that was the entrance to Platform 9 3/4 and was met with the sight of the enormous crimson Hogwarts Express, as well as the various children and their parents milling about, preparing to board it. He was given a burst of enthusiasm. He was finally leaving his aunt and uncle's house to go back to Hogwarts! There was nothing in the world he'd rather do.

Having no family to give a heartfelt goodbye to, since his uncle had been content to simply drop him off at the station (if you could call leaping out of the car with his trunk and Hedwig's cage while Uncle Vernon slowed down a bit "dropping off"), Harry immediately climbed onto the train. He went past several cars, peering into each one to see who its occupants were. It seemed as though Ron and Hermoine had yet to arrive, so he made his way towards the back of the train in hopes of finding an empty compartment there. Once he had reached the fourth from the end, he slid open the frosted glass door to see who was inside.

He was immediately met with seven faces he did not recognize in the least. Four, at least, were human—a boy and girl each with glasses and black hair, another boy wearing sunglasses, and a girl with blonde hair and a purple headband. The other three, however, were odd humanoid creatures with gray skin, sharp teeth, yellow eyes, and orange horns. One, who seemed to be a male with short, almost stubby horns, appeared to be yelling at the others, who responded with varying degrees of amusement and disinterest.

"I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE POINT OF ALL THIS IS. WHY THE HELL WOULD WE FUCKING GO ON A TRIP TO A NOOKSUCKING CASTLE IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING NO WHERE JUST SO THAT A BUNCH OF FUCKASS ADULTS CAN TEACH US THIS MAGIC SHIT?"

"but it's an adventure karkat!!" The bespectacled girl chimed in enthusiastically. "i've never seen a castle before!"

"Y34H K4RKL3S, QU1T B31NG 4 WH1N3Y GRUB," one of the other creatures, this one with pointed red sunglasses and a wide grin, said. She, for she looked and sounded fairly feminine to Harry, continued, "1T'LL B3 4 LOT MOR3 FUN TH4N B31NG COOP3D UP ON TH4T STUP1D 4ST3RO1D."

"most things are more fun than hanging out on a rock and fearing for your life," said the human boy with sunglasses. "you're just lucky we found you all in time."

"well, i'm looking forward to it. things have been kind of boring ever since we saved you guys and finished the game." The black haired boy grinned, revealing his buck teeth.

"YOU WOULD SAY THAT," the male creature, whose name appeared to be Karkat, or maybe Karkles, growled.

"It's certainly more entertaining than being confined to our homes," the blonde girl interjected. During this entire conversation, none of the occupants of the car appeared to have noticed him. The final creature, another female with longer horns than the others and wearing green lipstick, looked up at him and smiled.

"Excuse Us, But Do You Need Anything?" She asked politely.

"Uh, no," Harry replied. "I was just looking for an empty compartment. Sorry to interrupt." He closed the door, but he still heard the conversation going on inside.

"heh, karkat, i think you scared the wannabe wizard away."

"LIKE I GIVE A FUCK."

Harry went to the next compartment down the line, wondering where those creatures had come from and why they were on the train. Maybe he'd try to talk to someone about it when he got to the castle. They were interesting, if a little, well, menacing. Especially that loud one. He was still thinking about them as he opened the next glass door, and he was surprised to find that this compartment contained four more of them.

"seriously fef, this is a bunch of bull. wwhy are wwe evven wwastin our time here? magic ain't real."

"I don't know, -Eridan, t)(os-E wands s-E-Em-Ed pr-Etty r-E--------El to m-E!" The first one to speak, who had crooked horns and a purple scarf, looked rather agitated by this answer. The second, a female who smiled warmly, seemed unaware of this.

"ju2t accept defeat and get over your2elf, ED. iit'2 obviiou2 that thii2 2hiit ii2 the real deal," one with red and blue sunglasses and a slight speech impediment said.

"i still don't buy it. these fakey-fakes are probably just trying to trick us or somethin."

"i can assure y0u that this is all quite real," the second female, whose voice sounded a bit hollow, said. "i have already c0nsulted my future selves 0n the matter."

"wwhatevver." None of them seemed to notice him, which was just fine with Harry. He quietly shut the door and went on, not entirely sure what to think about these odd conversations.

The next compartment, as it turned out, as also full of the odd gray-skinned monsters, another group of four.

":33 < *the great lioness lashes her tail in excitement at the pawspect of exploring a catsle!*" The speaker was a petite female wearing a green jacket several sizes too big for her and a hat in the shape of a cat's face on her head, though her horns served as the ears. She indeed grinned broadly.

"i, uHHH, sORT OF HOPE THERE AREN'T TOO MANY STAIRS," another creature with large horns and what appeared to be a mohawk replied. "i'M STILL NOT USED TO THESE, uHHH, lEGS."

"Oh, quit 8eing such a 8a8y, Taaaaaaaavros!" A female with one crooked horn and one horn split at the end slapped the mohawk creature on the back, apparently quite hard, if that wince was anything to go by. "You'll never g8t stronger with that 8itude!"

"D --> As the creator of those legs, I feel it is e%tremely important to warn you about the traversing of stairs, brown b100d," the final occupant, a rather unpleasant-looking male with broken sunglasses, broken teeth, and a broken horn, said. "D --> Your past e%periences have not been pleasant."

":33 < *the lioness pawoints out that he will never get better if he does not purractice! so take things carefurly.*"

"i'LL, uHH, tRY."

"Don't worry, Taaaaaaaavros, I'll h8lp out!"

"tHAT'S KIND OF WHAT I'M, uHHH, AFRAID OF."

They, too, appeared to be too involved in their own conversation to notice him, so Harry moved on quickly. The loud female and the unpleasant male were starting to give him the creeps, anyway. Finally, he reached the last compartment on the train. He opened the door, hoping to find it empty, but there was still one more of those creatures inside. This one had a wild mane of hair and long horns, but it was staring out the window and Harry couldn't see its face. He sat down anyway, setting Hedwig's cage beside him.

"Sorry, but the rest of the train's full. I'm Harry, by the way." Now that he was sitting in the seat across from it, Harry could see that this creature appeared to be male and, for whatever reason, was wearing a mask of face paint. Odd. He waited for a response, but when none were forthcoming, he spoke again. "Hello?" The gray-skinned boy started a bit before turning lazily to him, his eye lids half closed.

"Oh HeY tHeRe, WhAt Is Up My MoThErFuCkEr?" Harry blinked. Did he really sound high?

"I'm, uh, Harry. And the rest of the compartments are full, so I sat here."

"ThAt'S cHiLl, My MoThErFuCkIn BrO. nAmE's GaMzEe. YoU aReN't OnE oF tHoSe HuMaN mOtHeRfUcKeR's, ArE yOu?"

"Well, yes."

"YeAh, YoU gUyS aRe PrEtTy MoThErFuCkIn ChIlL, nOt AlL uPtIgHt LiKe My TrOlL bRo KaRkAt. MoThErFuCkEr NeEdS tO cAlM tHe FuCk DoWn, Am I rIgHt?" Harry was beginning to get the feeling that words like "motherfucker" weren't really insults to this guy. He just shrugged. "YeAh, YoU'rE a PrEtTy CoOl MoThErFuCkEr, HaRrY. wE sHoUlD sPlIt OnE oF tHeSe ElIxIrS, hOnK hOnK." Before Harry could ask what he was talking about, Gamzee reached up and pulled two bottles of a soda called Faygo out of what seemed to be thin air and then proceeded to offer him one. Harry stared at him in shock. He hadn't used magic of any kind, hadn't waved a wand, hadn't produced any sort of light.

"H-how did you do that?"

"FuCk If I kNoW, bRoThEr. MoThErFuCkIn MiRaClEs." He shrugged and grinned. Harry decided he wasn't going to be getting any more out of this "troll" as long as he was apparently stoned out of his mind, so he just accepted the drink and followed suit when Gamzee opened his and took a swig.

Hey. It wasn't half bad, either. He might grow to like this guy, juggalo or not.

ALTERNATE ENDING

Harry opened the door to the last compartment, hoping to find it empty, but there was still one more of those creatures inside. This one had a wild mane of hair and long horns, but it was staring out the window, and Harry couldn't see its face. He sat down anyway, setting Hedwig's cage beside him.

"Sorry, but the rest of the train's full. I'm Harry, by the way." Now that he was sitting in the seat across from it, Harry could see that this creature appeared to be male and, for whatever reason, was wearing a mask of white face paint smeared with purple. The creature turned its head, and Harry froze. Its eyes were wild and crazy-looking, and it gave him a grin full of razor teeth.

"what's up, my motherfucker? YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN A CRAZY TROLL BEFORE. that's kind of sad. SINCE I'LL PROBABLY BE THE LAST THING YOU'LL SEE." His voice seemed to fluctuate, going back and forth between quiet and calm and loud and nearly shouting. He pulled a clown's juggling baton with a wedge of sharp metal shoved through the end out of seemingly nowhere. He stood, obviously wielding it as a weapon. "WELCOME TO THE DARK CARNIVAL, MOTHERFUCKER. honk HONK honk" His grin never left his face as he advanced across the aisle towards him.

Harry had never been so scared in his entire life.

THIS IS STUPID

But fun. :3 I'm almost tempted to do a Sorting, but I probably won't because I'm lazy. Back to Thicker Than Blood.

THAT IS NOT SPADES
THERE IS NO CONSENT
THAT IS LIKE SPADES RAPE
TROLLS WOULD BE DISGUSTED

Originally Posted by invalidgriffin

Where do you keep the chips, dB. Can you turn up the air conditioner? Man why is your internet so slow, it is taking forever to download all these seasons of Digimon. YES Digimon is important to the lesbians process will you stop nagging.

Thicker Than Blood 01234: It seemed like a pretty straightforward moraillegience. He provided her with food, she protected him from the other rainbow drinkers. Maybe if her old matesprit hadn't gotten involved, it would have stayed that way.
Wizardstuck 12345678910111213141516: The new Hogwarts students just keep getting weirder every year.
Zombiestuck KKEG (1): They thought that the Earth would be empty, ready for them to rebuild and reshape it as they saw fit. They weren't expecting that the meteors wouldn't hit everywhere, or that they might have some nasty side effects. They weren't expecting the Infected.
Don't Press Buttons (1): As usual, John does something stupid. Only this time, the result is that he becomes a troll, and Karkat becomes a human. Shenanigans ensue.

One-Shots

Blood and Noir: I'd fallen for that trap once. I wasn't going to do it again.The Road Ill Traveled: A poem about Karkat and Terezi written in the style of Robert Frost's "The Road Not Traveled".Pixie Trails: Sometimes luck doesn't even factor in.Unovastuck-Karkat vs Throh and Sawk: Apparently, a Sawk is faster than a Throh. Faster than a Braviary too. Karkat finds out the hard way.Kore Wa Troll Desu Ka?: Includes crossdressing and magical girl transformations. Karkat was not pleased.The Lawyer and the Goddess: Vriska and Terezi are having a very important chat when they get interrupted by a certain juggalo.Prompt Dunp: A group of several short fics I wrote based on prompts, including Tavros and Bro sharing tea, Slick talking with Jade about (briefly) hobbits, and Dave finding a birthday gift for Rose.Tears: Getting stabbed in the chest once sucks. Getting stabbed in the chest twice really sucks.Prey: Nepeta is a clever kitty.Yes: In a moment of weakness, Rose consults her magical cue ball.My Little Sis: An alt!kids fic about Bro raising blue!Jade. Based off of MSB's AU roleplay.Funhouse: John really, REALLY doesn't like clowns. Or music by Pink.Ice Cubes: Bro talks to Nanna before his fated battle with Jack.INDIGO and CaNdY rEd: An altblood pesterlog, featuring mutant Gamzee and indigo Karkat.Kantostuck: John wants to be the very best. Like no one ever was.Disease Called Friendship: Karkat has had a bad time with friends.The Demon: Death sometimes comes in the form you'd least expect.Hope: Even the Prince of Hope doesn't understand it.Hoststuck: Yeah, I don't really know either.Coulrophobia: HONK HONK MOTHERFUCKER Do:Killer: He stalks in the darkness, waiting. Waiting.Awaken: It's hard, being a rainbowdrinker. It's hard and no one understands.Kitten: Hearts Boxcars adopts an adorable kitten.Misery Loves Company: Terezi gives the bad news, and finds out some bad news of her own.Tend the Living: Gogdammit Hussie I hate you.Doll: It's actually a very good thing that Vriska allowed Bec to be prototyped.Don't Die On Me: Terezi discovers a new reason to hate Vriska.BL1ND Buddiie2: Sollux consults Terezi on the best method of seeing without sight.Cold: Dave decides to take a little time out to go see Jade.