This moment shifts like a swift panelling scene from a movie—from staring to nothing then blinking then a smile (I was successful in recapturing the entertainment in his eyes just the other day). I can be so clumsy with words—sometimes they come out plainly said… lacking feeling then sometimes they come out like this: clumsy, funny words are bursting and lost in my train of thoughts especially when I’m full of him and his intolerant bright charms and humor. I like imagining his warm soft moulding of a mouth and I’ve always enjoyed cruising in-between the crevices of his fist like air and I love it best when he holds my hand in them most especially while he sends fluttering kisses on my cheeks while I’m sleeping (or even when I’m awake). I love his kisses during the few minutes you wait for the traffic light to turn green and the seconds just before the elevator door opens. Sometimes it feels like I want to choke out something—just to choke out the hollow feeling of being parched without his skin, his pulse, his voice, his laugh and the systems of intimacy we have arranged for life and love for the rawness I crave. He gives me sloppy warmth and uncontrollable happiness that I’m frequently too restless without and I have to resort only to gum, pen and paper. And music.

I love you so much.

Can I keep you forever?

Better Together by Jack Johnson

There’s no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
No song that i could sing but I can try for your heart
Our dreams and they are made out of real things
Like a shoebox of photographs
With sepiatone loving.
Love is the answer at least for most of the questions in my heart
Like why are we here and where do we go
And how come we’re so hard
It’s not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
I’ll tell you one thing: it’s always better when we’re together

It’s always better when we’re together

We’ll look at them stars when we’re together
And all of these moments
Just might find there way into my dreams tonight
But i know that they’ll be gone
When the morning light sings
And brings new things
But tomorrow night you see that they’ll be gone too
Too many things i have to do But if all of these dreams
Might find their way into my day to day scene
I’ll be under the impression i was somewhere in between
With only two
Just me and you
Not so many things we got to do
Or places we got to be
We’ll sit beneath the mango tree

it’s always better when we’re together
we’re somewhere in between together

i believe in memories
they look so
so pretty when i sleep
hey now, and when i wake up
you look so pretty sleeping next to me
but there is not enough time
and there is no song i could sing
and there is no combination of words
i could say
but i will still tell you one thing
we’re better together

R

R has a prodigious appetite for books and excellent lasagna.

No experience has been too unimportant, and the smallest event unfolds like a fate, and fate itself is like a wonderful, wide fabric in which every thread is guided by an infinitely tender hand and laid alongside another thread and is held and supported by a hundred others.
- Rainer Maria Rilke