I had forgotten the soft feeling of ease that comes with the absence of the pressure of a deadline. I rediscovered the freedom of a soft space around me, where I could sit quietly in the midst of nothing and just allow time and the world to gently move around me.

As I stood in front of a massive redwood I was surprised to find myself overwhelmed by emotion –tenderness. And in one graceful step I reached my arms wide and leaned in. I just knew that I had to hug her. Luckily, in the depths of these forests, tree hugging seems natural. People seem to get it. And so I did it.

I was looking at my feet as I picked my way over some jagged rocks, when, like a jack-in-the-box, this little one popped her head out at me. I stopped, startled and looked at this funny ball of white fluff with huge eyes.

I don’t know why it happens, some kind of alchemy- the beauty of a moment, the humbleness I feel, the authentic experience that I am immersed in- all combine together into something that just overflows.

I had left for Paris heartbroken and a little lost, so I spent much of the train ride looking out the window at the world passing me by. As I watched the landscape change from countryside to cityscape, I contemplated who I wanted to be and tried to reconcile it with the woman who had escaped here to write and hide…

I was so excited to be on safari in Botswana. Everything is primal, basic and within hours I can feel my senses and my instincts sharpen. Before sunrise we are bundled up, and head out to witness life as it has always happened. I watch the world begin to wake, the birds, the grasses, the big cats. It is such a privilege to feel like a witness and a participant in both the magical and mundane; a mother leopard and her cubs are on the move.

Poking my head in, I saw the walls covered with the most wonderful hand stitched tablecloths. Every color you could think of. The result was a collage of joy that left me feeling like a guest at a family celebration.

I have become a seeker of what’s right in the world. I have become a keeper of celebrations. I feel a calling now to notice and to hold up the ordinary moments that when viewed through the kaleidoscope of celebration show us that there is much right with the world. The vast quantity of things there are to celebrate has continued to shift my experience of the world. Even in the complexity of anger or grief, I can remember to breathe compassion …I breathe in and celebrate. I sometimes ask, demand and beg of myself to find the thing in any moment that I can celebrate.

Perhaps people run to remind themselves of what we all need to remember – we live in community, we win in community, all of us play a part in getting to the finish line and in the end, it is always, quite simply, about putting one foot in front of the other.

I’ll admit I have a sneaky suspicion that in becoming what I was striving for, I may have unwittingly written the climax to my story. I have achieved and …well, how do you escape the possibility that that was, quite possibly, all there is?

It was the first day of a 7 day retreat. Beginnings are such important things. The first handshake, the first hello, the moment you decide to engage or check out. I wanted to inspire them with a metaphor to ignite their desire to emerge into something new and inspire them to find the courage to do so.

To “celebrate what’s right” is not about finding the good and the beautiful things, it is about the practice of CHOICE. For me, it is a discipline, when tempted by fears, familiar doubts, ego-based concerns to step away from the worry-fondling that we do, like small children stroking the satin lining on a stuffed rabbit’s ear, and chose something else.

How well do you know your face?Slowly as the week progressed we began to love our faces. Because we realized that they are the precious things that our loved ones, our children, our mothers, our lovers saw. They are the gateway to the passions and the dreams that we hold.

I’ve decided that that is the folder I want to grow. Of course that means that those are the moments that I must pay attention to, stay present in and notice in the first place. I must first be aware of my experience of bliss, before I can relive it.

To Dance like nobody’s watching is to bow to the weight of judgment and criticism that others, and ultimately we have of ourselves. To Dance like your BFF is watching is to hold yourself with a tenderness and joy that allows for the full expression of who you are –foibles and fabulous rolled in one.

Of course, the irony of it all was that the whole purpose of this trip was to give myself the gift of time: to explore, to pause, to discover. Seems the Universe and the ancient city streets had conspired to give me just that opportunity, but I was having none of it. I was way too preoccupied by being lost.

I am no longer in the world of 30-something-vibrant-flat-stomached-world-achievers (heck I am about to enter the world of 50 something) and suddenly I do not register in people’s awareness as I walk by. I am no longer the sassy upstart that people used to see when they looked at me.