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A woman alone can be undeniably powerful enough to achieve anything she wants. But when women unite their powers, they become fiercely unstoppable. We live in a highly challenging world, where being competitive is an essential social skill we all need to learn one way or another. However, this competition has nothing on the power […]

We live in a highly challenging world, where being competitive is an essential social skill we all need to learn one way or another. However, this competition has nothing on the power of collaboration. When women join forces, they truly move the world and change the whole equation.

To begin with, there is something we might need to clear up. There is a misleading stereotype that usually women don’t support other women. For instance, take the iconic movie “Mean Girls” from 2004. From such a young age, society is forcing women to compete with one another. There is an intense sense of social aggression amongst these girls.

They are considered as manipulative, back-stabbing, gossiping individuals who are living in a constantly ongoing war.

However, the moral of the story is that being a mean girl and dimming others’ light so you can shine does nothing good. That’s where we put the emphasis on the power of the pack. When women support each other and root for one another, they are capable of incredible things.

“Alone we can do so little. Together we can do so much.”

– Helen Keller

Moreover, countless examples are proving that women who encourage one another and work side by side are much more successful businesslike.

For example, a Harvard Business Review research suggests that although both men and women work well in social networks, women tend to be more prosperous when they have an inner circle of close females who support them.

In terms of taking leading positions, women are more likely to rise up into leadership, when they have a pack that has their back. Even though we live in the 21st century, women are still facing cultural barriers in the business world.

That’s why a lady needs her pack to support her and remind her that she deserves to succeed.

Luckily, nowadays, many more women are confident enough to face all these challenges and enter the enterprise world. This gives them the opportunity to establish connections with one another and form strong bonds that benefit their personal development. They are connected by similar backgrounds, related interests, and experiencing akin hurdles in their field. That’s why the circles they create are often unbreakable.

There is no secret that people work best when they are surrounded by co-workers they feel comfortable around. Besides, some of the significant connections you establish might last for a lifetime. That’s something worth prioritizing social networking for. Building strong, trustworthy circles is what makes women truly powerful. Helping one another throughout their struggles and encouraging each other to thrive elevates them all.

There is something called “The Shine Theory” which is is a practice of mutual investment in each other. Basically, it’s about women building other women up. Of course, it goes for men too. The Shine Theory asks the question: “Would we be better as collaborators than as competitors?” And the answer is almost always positive. It’s all about recognizing each others’ worth and elevating one another.

So, instead of wasting energy into pointless, draining competitions and mean cattiness, women should focus on lifting each other up. Find your pack and stick to them. Surround yourself with women you can grow with. There is immense power in a group of women who support, encourage, and inspire one another.

It’s absolutely amazing to be a part of a squad where everyone wants to see you succeed.

Manipulative, lying, mind-fooling, gaslighting… All these words describe the unworthy nature of narcissists. They are vicious pathological liars, who use various tactics and strategies to overpower their victims. Narcissists are masters in playing mind-games and making everyone around them do whatever they please. They know exactly what to do or say to get anything they […]

Manipulative, lying, mind-fooling, gaslighting… All these words describe the unworthy nature of narcissists.

They are vicious pathological liars, who use various tactics and strategies to overpower their victims.

Narcissists are masters in playing mind-games and making everyone around them do whatever they please. They know exactly what to do or say to get anything they want. These deceitful manipulators have no sense of empathy, authenticity, or guilt. That’s why they take advantage of people without having any second thoughts. Anyone can become a victim of their wicked plans.

Although these disgraceful people believe they’re one-of-a-kind, when it comes to targeting a new prey, they all have a certain pattern.

They shower them with numerous compliments, admiration, and constant attention. This way, they make their new object of manipulation feel as if they are establishing a special and genuine connection. Moreover, narcissists use this strategy at the beginning, because they want to present themselves as trustworthy people with kindhearted intentions.

After a bond has been established, either relationship or friendship, manipulators drastically change their approach. They start devaluating and undermining their victims. In order to weaken their prey, they criticize, shame, blame and diminish them, until they completely destroy their self-esteem.

The worst part is, their victims are oblivious to what’s really going on because narcissists are also extremely skilled gaslighters.

These toxic tricksters know exactly how to put someone down, and how to react if their manipulation doesn’t work. In case their victim realizes they are playing with their minds, narcissists simply say they were joking, and quickly come up with a new sneaky strategy. By lowering their self-esteem, right after they have idealized them, toxic people can find their victims’ weakest spots and insecurities.

“You have become way too emotional lately.”, “Stop overreacting!”, “How can you be so incompetent?”

Whenever they want to devalue their victims, they use suchlike phrases to convince them they are the one in the wrong. They often act as if the other person is delusional.

Manipulators love to make their prey lose sense of what’s right or wrong and question their own reality. Besides, they often blame everything on the other person. What’s even more shocking is that sometimes they do it just for fun. They view other people as soulless toys, and they play with them until something goes wrong, or they get bored.

One of their favorite games is to convince their new toy they are too good for them. They make their victims believe they would be miserable without them. And no matter what they do, no matter where they go, their life will be unfulfilled, and they will never find anyone better. As if they are tremendously generous to be a part of their victims’ life.

Another nasty tactic narcissist employ is to casually mention an ex who claims their life has been nothing ever since they broke up. This happens in relationships where one of the partners is intentionally toxic and abusive. They mention their past lovers to make their current one jealous, and to distract them from all the red flags exposing their real personality.

Perhaps the most common game narcissist play is to isolate their victims from every other person in their life.

What’s even worse, they convince them that everyone else has a toxic impact over their lives, and they need to cut them off if they want to have a healthy mentality. When in reality, they need to do exactly the opposite. This way, manipulators make the other person establish a hurtful co-dependency towards them. Once they do, the narcissistic one can play with them, just like with a puppet on a string. In other words, they can make them do and believe whatever they want.

However, these nasty mind-games don’t always work. Sometimes the victims are not so oblivious to their abuser’s intentions.

And when they somehow show they are aware of what’s going on, narcissists usually start apologizing and saying they would never dare to do it again.

Toxic people are ready to do anything just to make their prey stay, so they can continue sucking their energy and playing with their emotions.

In case you feel you are a victim of suchlike toxic relationship, make sure you effectively protect yourself from your partner’s harmful influence. Don’t try to change them or waste time searching the good in them. Focus your energy into saving yourself.

And if you’re not sure you’re ready to make such a drastic move, take a step back and reevaluate your relationship. Think about all the people they made you isolate from. Remind yourself all the things you used to love, but cut off of your life because of them. Was losing yourself into this relationship worth it?

It is believed that there are two types of narcissists: the grandiose and the covert. The first type is much easier to spot as they exhibit the overtly vain, self-entitled, exploitative, and aggressive behavior widely associated with narcissism. The covert narcissist, however, is less conspicuous. They appear modest and empathetic, but inside, harbor much of […]

It is believed that there are two types of narcissists: the grandiose and the covert.

The first type is much easier to spot as they exhibit the overtly vain, self-entitled, exploitative, and aggressive behavior widely associated with narcissism.

The covert narcissist, however, is less conspicuous. They appear modest and empathetic, but inside, harbor much of the same grandiosity and over-inflated self-image found in their bombastic counterpart.

Covert narcissists variously identify as introverted and sensitive. The anxiety, defensiveness, and vulnerability of the covert narcissist are character traits commonly associated with introversion. While the pompous narcissist will assert their superiority in explicit and intrusive ways, the closet narcissist will hardly hint at it.

Let us look at a list of signs to help you in determining if someone you know is a covert narcissist:

An introverted narcissist who wants to be noticed and admired for their awesomeness might resent any demand you make of them. When you do need a favor, they’ll say “yeah” and reassure you that they’ll sort it out, no worries, and then they’ll grunt and boil in silence because they feel having their time and energy wasted.

They will avoid doing what they’ve been asked to do, and then try to dodge you when you try to follow up with them. And when you finally confront them for their behavior, they’ll lash out and go on about how overworked they’ve been and how indelicate you were to make such unreasonable demands of their time.

Even if they still go ahead and do what you requested of them, be sure that you’ll never hear the end of it. They’ll go around telling everyone how inconsiderate you were to them in order to garner other people’s sympathy while appearing as victims.

Some narcissists also have no issue with stooping to the most pathetic, guilt-tripping manipulations in order to get what they want. This might be, for example. a person who wants their partner to stay at home with them because they’re feeling unwell. When the partner tells them that they’ll be fine for a little while without them, the narcissist will counter it with something like, “Okay then, you go ahead and have fun. Just so you know, I’m having issues in breathing, so you’ll have to live with it if I die from an asthma attack.”

2. They lack empathy

Grandiose and introverted narcissists alike share an ego-centric attitude that puts little value and significance in others. WIth the covert narcissist, this can manifest in poor listening and obvious disinterest in anyone or anything outside what affects them directly. Often they are apathetic to other people’s needs although they may pretend to care. The reality is, they resent others who try to burden them with their issues.

Introverted narcissists tend to be extremely sensitive and unable to handle any form of criticism. When facing negative feedback, they will defend themselves with an increased sense of superior smugness and dismissive arguments, while others will simply withdraw from the situation. Normally they will try to conceal how much the negative experience bothers them, and instead, pretend to be indifferent.

4. They are unable to form proper relationships

Introvert narcissists experience much greater anxiety in forming relationships with others because of the fragility of their self-esteem. They may even avoid relationships altogether out of fear that a potential rejection may be too intolerable to bear. Spouses of introverted, vulnerable narcissists rate them as dissatisfied, anxious, and bitter, in contrast to with their counterparts who are cited as bossy, cruel, argumentative, and demeaning. Part of the covert narcissist’s aloof hubris functions as a defense mechanism for keeping people at bay in order to avoid being exposed for their interpersonal inadequacies.

Introverted narcissists will try to blame every person around them for their own failures in life, never taking personal responsibility for the things that have gone wrong for them.

They will blame their own parents for not providing them with enough opportunities as children and they’ll blame their boss for not making enough money.

They’ll blame their friends for not helping them to meet the right people, and they’ll blame their romantic partners for their own inability to commit to the relationship.

A closing note

The world is full of narcissists. Many of us have covert narcissists in their family, at work, and as neighbors.

We are encircled by people who only think and act in their own self-interest.

Narcissists are categorized as those who act form a place of selfishness, often manipulating other people to advance their own standing, and putting them in harm’s way so that they can come out on top.

It’s not difficult to spot a narcissist, but it’s not always easy to see them in your own family or to identify yourself as one.

Narcissist: a more polite term for a self-serving, manipulative, evil jerk with no soul and no compassion That definition may sound brutal but it’s the bitter truth. When it comes to narcissists that’s what they are in a nutshell. People who have no moral boundaries and won’t blink an eye when they lie and manipulate. […]

Narcissist: a more polite term for a self-serving, manipulative, evil jerk with no soul and no compassion

That definition may sound brutal but it’s the bitter truth. When it comes to narcissists that’s what they are in a nutshell. People who have no moral boundaries and won’t blink an eye when they lie and manipulate.

And the worst of all is that while some of them could be easily noticed, others, can’t be recognized unless you’ve met them before because they usually hide their true colors.

In the beginning, narcissists are so charming. They are nice, well-mannered, have a sense of humor and pretend to be loving and caring. And by the time you realize all of that is just an illusion, they have manipulated you, used you and moved on from your relationship.

That’s why it is important to spot them and cut them out of your life on time.

1. Sense of superiority

Narcissists feel superior and want to dominate over others. That’s why they fear and envy everyone who could possibly outshine them. They are so obsessed with the desire to be the best that they see everyone as their opponent.

So, if you notice that your friend or family member is always talking about or showing through their actions that they feel superior to other people, the chances are her or she is a narcissist.

2. Fake confidence

If you notice that someone tries to maintain high self-esteem but at the same time needs constant reassurance of their worth by others, it’s highly probable that you are dealing with a narcissist. The truth is that deep inside themselves, the narcissists are insecure and fragile.

3. Fake empathy

These people lack compassion and are unable to understand how others feel. They are always focused on their own happiness and would sacrifice anything and anyone to achieve it. Yet they might try to act as if they care for your problems, so pay attention to whether or not the person that might be a narcissist really shows compassion or it’s all just vain talk.

4. Crave Perfection

In the beginning, they won’t tell it to you. But, as time goes by, you will notice that narcissists want others to be as good as they consider themselves to be which means perfect. Yet, if someone is better the narcissist will feel threatened and try to undermine the accomplishments of the person who outshines them.

5. Lack of responsibility

Narcissists cannot admit their fault nor can they take any responsibility for causing harm to other people. It’s always someone else to blame. After all, a person who thinks they are perfect cannot be wrong.

So if you notice a friend or a family member who never admits their mistakes and always puts the blame for their negative actions on someone else, it’s a red flag!

6. Vindictiveness

Vindictiveness is a strong desire to get back at someone. Individuals who want revenge are full of vindictiveness. Sadly, almost all narcissists fall into that group. If someone offends them or hurts their feelings the narcissist will find a way to take revenge on them. This trait of the narcissist’s character is not so obvious and it might take some time before you notice it.

7. Prone to addiction

People take drugs and drink alcohol to forget reality. Very often being high also involves feeling superior and untouchable. That is exactly what narcissists desire. Here is why they are more prone to substance abuse than other people.

8. They think they deserve success

Working hard to fulfill your dreams and being proud of your success means you are ambitious. But living with the idea that you deserve success because you think you are superior to others is narcissism. If you meet such a person stay away because he or she will most probably try to manipulate and use you to achieve their goals.

9. Sarcasm

When someone is sarcastic they want to make others feel less worthy by indirectly offending them. Joking with your friends and laughing together could be fun, but when the jokes are rude and undermine the other person they can lead to serious negative consequences.

Sadly, one of the most common tactics of narcissists to manipulate, control and feel superior to others is to tell sarcastic comments and jokes. And if you complain, then you lack a sense of humor. It doesn’t matter that those jokes were said with the idea to hurt you and make you doubt your worth.

Gaslighting is an efficient way to make anyone doubt their self-esteem and the worth of their judgments. The point is to start trusting the abusive narcissist who has managed to convince the other person that he or she is not capable of making reasonable decisions.

Unfortunately, these are only a few out of many tactics and behaviors that reveal someone has a narcissistic personality.

So if you find yourself involved with a person who exhibits most of or all of these traits and uses sarcasm and gaslighting to control and manipulate you, you’d better cut the cord with them right away because you are most probably dealing with someone who suffers from a narcissistic personality disorder.

Remember, staying in an abusive relationship is extremely dangerous as it could ruin your self-esteem. And you don’t need that, no-one does.

“With emotional abuse, the insults, insinuations, criticism, and accusations slowly eat away at the victim’s self-esteem until he or she is incapable of judging a situation realistically. He or she may begin to believe that there is something wrong with them or even fear they are losing their mind. They have become so beaten down emotionally that they blame themselves for the abuse.”

The one character trait that sets narcissists apart from all other toxic and manipulative individuals, including sociopaths, is their selfishness. Speaking of a narcissist’s personal interests, first I should mention that they narrow everything down to one word: POWER. They will stop at nothing to get it. On their malicious march to the top, they’ll […]

The one character trait that sets narcissists apart from all other toxic and manipulative individuals, including sociopaths, is their selfishness.

Speaking of a narcissist’s personal interests, first I should mention that they narrow everything down to one word: POWER. They will stop at nothing to get it. On their malicious march to the top, they’ll use every manipulative trick they know to get those around them work for their prosperity.

What drives a narcissist forward through life is a string of selfish, malevolent motives, well complemented by their insatiable desire to cause distress to others, without showing even the slightest remorse for their actions.

It’s not that they do not understand that their behavior is hurting those around them. Narcissists, unlike sociopaths and psychopaths, aren’t completely devoid of empathy. Because they are so preoccupied with their own persona, they have little time to care for other’s feelings. Their perception of the universe invariably puts them in the center.

If you are lucky enough to spot the narcissist as he or she is approaching, immediately put an emotional barrier between them and you.

If you suspect that a person near you is a manipulative narcissist, here are the top 11 signs that you should be careful with him or her:

1. Projection

Narcissistic bullies are the kings of blame shifting. A sure sign that you have a selfish narcissist on your hands is that whatever they do, they always blame you for whatever goes wrong.

This behavior on their part is called projection. Because narcissists want to dodge taking responsibility for their own actions at all costs, they use this technique whenever they make a mistake, even the most insignificant one.

Their huge, bombastic ego just can’t take any criticism, however constructive and creative it may be. Therefore, they immediately counterattack by blaming those around them for their own shortcomings.

In this way, they fool themselves that they’ve gotten away with it again. In fact, they haven’t and all that the wrong that they’ve done to others is going to catch up with them sooner or later.

2. Making you feel worthless

When you first meet a narcissist, they will immediately start flattering you. They will tell you how perfect you are in whatever you do and how much they wished they were like you.

Over time, however, you can expect a narcissist to start derogating your achievements thereby making you feel worthless. Unfortunately, this is just the beginning. As a next step, a narcissist will probably start to imply that you could have done better at that exam, or in that particular situation.

The next phase of their plan involves heaping reproaches at you in private and even threatening to get physical with you. As a rule, they only threaten individuals who obviously are weak and vulnerable and cannot effectively defend themselves.

The final stage of their plan to make you feel worthless involves openly criticizing you in the presence of your friends and even your own parents. If you are wondering why the hell he or she is doing this to you, here’s the answer: the more worthless they make you feel, the more they boost their own ego.

3. Unjustified outbursts of aggression

Living with a narcissist is like living close to an active volcano: you never know exactly when the next big eruption is going to be.

This is because narcissists tend to accumulate negative energy in themselves, not sharing with others if there’s something that has been bothering them. Instead, they pretend that everything’s fine and you should not worry about them.

At some point, however, they make it painfully obvious to you that it is actually not OK, and that they’ve been holding a huge grudge against you for a long time.

As it was mentioned above, narcissists do not hesitate to threaten, harass and abuse physically weak and vulnerable individuals. A narcissist makes you feel scared and vulnerable so as to be better able to manipulate and control you.

4. Narcissists know the power of triangulation

In most general terms, psychological triangulation is a technique of manipulating other individuals by not communicating directly with them. Instead, you use a third person as a messenger to carry your words to the person you’d like to communicate with.

Unfortunately, children very often fall victims of triangulation on the part of their own parents. When mom and dad are having an argument, they often use their children as “mailboxes” to exchange bitter remarks and nitpicky complaints.

If you suspect that you are in a relationship with a narcissist, one of the most telling signs to confirm your doubts is if he is using your best female friend to pass on his messages to you.

And if you confront him with “Why didn’t you tell me this in person?”, he’d most probably come up with the innocent “Oh, I didn’t want to bother you, you know”.

5. It’s always the narcissist who’s been wronged

Narcissists just love complaining, no matter what of. And the more intently you listen to them, the more clearly you’ll notice how they’re trying to suggest that they are being wronged all the time and that all the people around them are playing faulty tricks on them for no particular reason.

As soon as you start siding with them, you can be sure that they’ll turn against you and will go straight for your soft spot.

6. Narcissists make you question your own sanity

Back in 2016, journalist Nina Porzucki wrote on the excessive use of the term ‘gaslighting’, defining it as “ a term used to describe abusive behavior, specifically when an abuser manipulates information in such a way as to make a victim question his or her sanity”.

The term’s origins can be traced back to 1944, when George Cukor’s psychological thriller Gaslight was released, starring Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman.

In it, narcissistic husband Gregory (Boyer) manipulates his wife, Paula (Bergman) into thinking she’s been going mad. He tricks her into believing she’s been stealing things without realizing it and hearing voices. As a result, Paula starts to question her sober judgment.

If you recognize yourself as Paula, try to gaslight the gaslighter. That is, use this same technique against the narcissist and they’ll back off.

7. A narcissist will do everything to make you feel ashamed

Brene Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston, defines shame as “the intense, painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging”.

A narcissist will take every chance to induce the powerful feeling of shame inside you, thereby making you more vulnerable to his manipulations. To do that, they usually try to find out if you have any secrets or anything you feel genuinely ashamed of.

8. A narcissist will call you names

Because narcissists are convinced they’re always right, they are genuinely incapable of listening to someone’s logical arguments against what they’ve just said.

Instead of accepting your criticism, or trying to justify their words or actions, they’ll start calling you names. In that way, they give vent to their negative feelings, pouring them onto you. More often than not, narcissists pin negative tags on those around them so that they can justify the mistreatment they give them.

They will not hesitate to insult you, reproach you and disparage your beliefs so that they can ultimately make you feel down. Seeing that other people suffer fills a narcissist up with reassurance and energy.

9. Brainwashing

This manipulative technique that narcissists use to control those around them is closely linked to gaslighting. Once they have managed to trick you into thinking that you are going mad, they immediately move on to brainwash you and make you believe what they want you to believe.

10. A narcissist will always make you feel out of place

One of the strategies narcissists use to get you out of your zone of comfort is constantly making you feel out of place and awkward. When you are at a party or other social event with a narcissist, he or she will not hesitate to crack jokes at your expense as if this was the most normal thing to do.

11. Monopolizing your personal space

Once a narcissist has made you feel out of place and awkward, he or she will move on to monopolize your personal space. For example, your conversations with a narcissist are actually moralizing monologues, in which he’s constantly telling you what you should and should not do.

If you give in, you can expect them to start telling you what to wear, where to go on Saturday night and who you should hang out with.

A brief conclusion

Now that you know of the most common manipulative strategies that narcissists use to control those around them, you can think of how you can defend yourself in each of the situations described above.

Toxic people are usually deprived of morals, regret, or empathy toward other human beings. Behind their mask of false charm, lies a dishonest, manipulative, narcissistic, and cruel character. According to different scientifical research, most women whose partner turned out to be toxic fell victims to their abnormal behavior. Here is the story of Donna who […]

Toxic people are usually deprived of morals, regret, or empathy toward other human beings.

Behind their mask of false charm, lies a dishonest, manipulative, narcissistic, and cruel character. According to different scientifical research, most women whose partner turned out to be toxic fell victims to their abnormal behavior.

Here is the story of Donna who explained to us what it is to have a relationship with an emotionally unstable man.

I loved him desperately yet I knew I had to start moving on. Unfortunately, I just couldn’t! He made me fall for him and then began acting so cold and reserved; He was causing me such a pain, every day, all the time. I was feeling unhappy, lonely and betrayed and was on the verge of a breakdown!

Why did he make me love him then just abandoned me emotionally? Why didn’t he show that he cared If I were alright? Has he ever loved me? How could he be so indifferent to my feelings? Why is he hurting me and blaming me for it?!!! Is it possible that he never loved me truly?

See what her toxic partner did?

He didn’t love her, made her fall for him and then retreated from the relationship making her believe it was her fault. That’s manipulation in its purest form.

To help you avoid falling victim to such people we’ve provided a list of 7 typical behaviors of toxic partners proving you’d better cut them out of your life.

1. Fake empathy

Like mentioned above these individuals lack understanding toward the feelings of others. They, however, might try to hide this weakness by creating a false self and pretending to be empathetic while they don’t care. So to identify an emotionally unstable person you should constantly observe his/her behavior. Examine their reactions to sad stories or how they feel about causing negative consequences with their actions. If compassion lasts only for short time or they don’t show any, there’s a high chance this person is emotionally unstable.

2. Influence your opinion

These problematic people could try to make you fall for them by changing your point of view and modeling your opinion so that you think and act to serve their interests. But it’s a trap. Their only goal is to trick you into doing what they want and then most probably leave you.

3. Underestimate you

One common way of gaining control over you and then torturing you emotionally without being caught is by trying to dominate the relationship. To do that they will probably try to outshine you, underestimate your value and act disrespectfully toward you. Such individuals might discredit you in front of others (especially close ones) to show to the whole world how insignificant you are.

4. Don’t support you

A person who loves you behaves in a supportive and helpful way. If they don’t – their attitude isn’t right. That doesn’t mean he or she’s toxic but it’s likely they are. For instance, if you’re wrong and they’re mercilessly putting you down instead of being full of forgiveness it’s a red flag. Another problem might be that he/she isn’t interested in your life outside of the relationship and is not supportive when you face challenges.

5. Guilt trip you

Such individuals use manipulations such as guilt tripping to have you under control. For instance, he or she could tell a lie, and then say you’re the one who’s provoked them. They’re never wrong and accountable for the bad events in their life.

6. Flirt with others

In the beginning, they treated you as a priority but soon after that, became cold and reserved. Their attention shifted to other people and they became more interested in maintaining contacts with them. You even witnessed flirts with colleagues or friends and saw a post on social media dedicated to an ex. All this sounds as if they don’t love you anymore but such people are incapable of loving anyone at all. They are doing all this to make you doubt your self worth and place in their life. The point is that you feel less confident and come under their control more easily

7. Lie

You are being lied to for everything. They say lies and have no remorse. By behaving this way he/she aims to make you unconfident and more likely to fall under their influence. Even if you catch him/her in a lie, they’ll insist on telling you the truth and make you regret you’ve doubted their words or actions. These people always know how to justify what they’ve done and play innocent.

Being close with such an individual is dangerous as you might feel crazy, drained, upset, and unconfident. They’ll make you doubt your self worth all the time. Therefore it’s necessary to end your relationship with them.

“You deserve nothing but the best in love and in life. Never settle for anything that does not give you the respect and love you are worthy of.” When I was younger, my mother always told me that I am enough, and that I should never rely on anyone or settle for anything less than […]

“You deserve nothing but the best in love and in life. Never settle for anything that does not give you the respect and love you are worthy of.”

When I was younger, my mother always told me that I am enough, and that I should never rely on anyone or settle for anything less than the love and respect I gave myself. She taught me the importance of self-love, respect and setting healthy boundaries from a young age, and now I can’t settle for anything that does not honor or respect my being in its entirety.

1. Someone who doesn’t show me their true feelings

I do not have time for games and I especially do not have time for the guessing game. If you love me, tell me – don’t hide away and make me guess. Be real, be open and be raw for we are both human. I want commitment and honesty. If you are sad, I will be there to comfort you, if you are happy, i will be there to celebrate with you. I want to be able to look into your soul and love it for everything that it is, no exceptions.

I will not tolerate your lack of respect and most certainly will not settle for it. I know what I deserve and if you cannot give me the respect I deserve I will leave. I do not have time for someone who disrespects me when we are around other women. I want a person who is emotionally committed.

3. Someone who doesn’t invest in our relationship

When I commit, I commit. I won’t settle for someone who wants a half-arsed love – I do not condone one-night stands or an open relationship. If you choose to be in a relationship with me you need to commit and invest your undivided love and attention to the growth of our union. I will not water your garden if you cannot water mine. Love is not a one sided affair, it takes two to tango.

4. Someone who does not believes in me or discourages me

I will not stand for a relationship where there is discouragement, or someone who belittles me due to their own fragile ego. I am looking for someone who will motivate me to achieve all my goals and in turn I will motivate you to do the same. I will not tolerate someone who sees my mild depression as a laughing matter – my feelings, hopes and dreams are of importance, just as yours and I will not tolerate a ‘love’ that does not show me respect in that aspect.

5. Someone who does not take responsibility for their actions

If you cannot acknowledge the fact that you have hurt me and actually apologize, then you can f*ck right off. I don’t want someone who thinks their mean words and actions can be justifiable. Take responsibility for the way you have treated me, own up, apologize and grown from your mistakes. No one deserves to be hurt by you just because you are hurting.

6. Someone who blames me for their problems

Don’t make your problems my problems mine. You are the creator of your own reality. I do not need a man who blames our relationship for the fact that he cannot achieve his goals and dreams. I need a man who can fend for himself and who has faith in my ability to help him get over his own personal hurdles, not blame me for it.

7. Someone who uses their insecurities to control me

I am, like you, my own person – do not allow your insecurities to control me. Communicate your feelings, fear and insecurities and together we will work through them. I will never settle for a relationship where I feel trapped. I need to be able to experience life freely, void of your fears and control.

I was brought up to recognize manipulation, so if you are going to try and manipulate me, I will know. I know my worth and what I want and will never allow you to manipulate me for your own personal gain. Putting me down will only make me stronger.

I would rather be alone than be with anyone who does not show me the respect and love I show myself, so either match it or f*ck off. know who I am and what I deserve, I am not to be taken for granted, and one thing I know for certain is that life is too short to be settling for relationships that do not fulfill me on an intellectual, spiritual and emotional level.

On the surface, people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) may seem manipulative and needy drama makers. Their off-putting behaviour prevents others to see the enormous emotional pain and suffering that stands behind it. Even specialists are sometimes tricked. As Sandra Sulzer of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill discovered in her study with […]

Their off-putting behaviour prevents others to see the enormous emotional pain and suffering that stands behind it. Even specialists are sometimes tricked. As Sandra Sulzer of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill discovered in her study with 22 psychiatrists and psychologists: “Clinicians frequently view borderline personality disorder symptoms as signs of badness, not sickness.”

”As a borderline personality disorder sufferer myself I want you to know that we are not manipulative. We are desperate.

We don’t know how to live with others, how to have friends and get our needs met the normal way. We simply are ignorant in this respect…

Our uncontrollable and horrible emotions deprive us of ability to think and control our behaviour. Our behaviours are not meant to harm. Rather they are an expression of desperation. ”

Living with BPD may feel like living in hell.

Some of the daily struggles this debilitating state may induce are:

Feelings of Emptiness

Borderline sufferers are closely acquainted with depression. The feeling of emptiness may become overwhelming to the point of making suicide look like a seducing option. As Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault at Eastern Connecticut State University writes:

”Suicidal behaviors and completed suicides are very common in people with borderline personality disorder (BPD). Research has shown that up to 80 percent of people with BPD will make at least one suicide attempt in their lifetime, and many will make multiple suicide attempts. People with BPD are also more likely to complete suicide than individuals with any other psychiatric disorders. ”

The confessions of the sufferer are explicit enough:

‘’Please believe me, the depression and dysphoria of BPD is the most horrible feeling. Sometimes I prefer I had cancer instead. At least then the whole world would not blame me for desperate efforts to blunt the pain brought about by my biological vulnerability and abuse I suffered as a child.’’

Unstable Interpersonal Relationships

For people with BPD the world of relationships is scary and full of polarities. One day their partner is all good and wonderful, the next day he’s the worst scum of the universe. This black and white thinking is quite exhausting for both parties and may ruin the relationship altogether. Michael J. Formica explains the changing dynamics between extreme idealization and the inevitable disappointment which follows:

”Depending on the rapidity of the cycle, within weeks, months or sometimes years, this idealized image is replaced, bit by bit, with, for lack of a more clinical term, its evil twin. The other is split black, and once one is taken there, the perception on the part of the borderline character, while it may flip-flop for a time, is not likely to be reversed.”

Impulsivity

Impulsivity is the tendency to act without thinking about the consequences of your actions. Apart from being a suicide risk factor, impulsivity in BPD may take the form of all kinds of dangerous behaviours ranging from substance abuse and reckless driving to binge eating and casual sex. It may be the way sufferers cope with stress or feelings of anger and emptiness. Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault points that there is a way out of it:

”While impulsive behaviors can be serious and pervasive, this symptom can be successfully managed with therapy. Many treatments for BPD have components that target impulsivity. For example, dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) focuses on building skills that reduce your impulsive behaviors and increase your ability to reflect before acting. By using healthy coping mechanisms to handle intense emotions, a person with BPD is better equipped to handle different situations.”

Emotional Instability

Many people with BPD experience extreme fluctuations in moods. Seemingly minor events may trigger disproportionate reactions. They find it difficult to regulate emotional responses and are often at risk to be overwhelmed by them. This feature is probably responsible for labelling them drama queens. But this label misses the point. They are not making it in order to hurt or annoy those around them. It’s their distorted interpretation of reality which triggers the tantrums.

Inconsistent Sense of Self

In order to function in the world you need a strong sense of identity. That means knowing what your core values and attitudes are, what you believe in and who you are in your different roles. For people with BPD this whole identity thing may be quite confusing and inconsistent. Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault explains it this way:

‘’Identity problems in BPD are sometimes called identity diffusion.This refers to difficulties determining who you are in relation to other people. Some people with BPD may describe this as having difficulties understanding where you end and the other person begins. As a result, many people with BPD struggle to set up and maintain healthy personal boundaries and have difficulties in their interpersonal relationships.’’

The emotional pain associated with BPD is very intense but treatment can make a huge difference.

Here is a quick test you can take to check if you have borderline tendencies in your character (and don’t worry, we all do): psychcentral.com

If you think you’re at risk of committing suicide, however, you need to get help now. You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline suicidepreventionlifeline.org at 1-800-273-8255. It’s open 24/7, 365 days a week, and it’s free and confidential.

In the beginning, we tend to see the partner through rose-colored glasses. He or she is everything we’ve dreamed of—intelligent, talented, beautiful, our perfect match. All these things might be right about our partner. But to avoid a lot of emotional suffering—for ourselves and the other person — we should evaluate their positive and negative sides. […]

In the beginning, we tend to see the partner through rose-colored glasses.

He or she is everything we’ve dreamed of—intelligent, talented, beautiful, our perfect match.

All these things might be right about our partner. But to avoid a lot of emotional suffering—for ourselves and the other person — we should evaluate their positive and negative sides.

Unfortunately, a lot of people prefer illusions over the truth. And for them mentioning any red flags which indicate serious relationship problems are sour points no to be discussed. Such an attitude is by no means wrong. It could lead to serious and traumatic consequences that involve being stuck in an unfulfilling, abusive relationship.

That is why below we have listed five red flags which might tell at an early stage that you are in a dead-end relationship.

All of them are based on the opinions of experts.

1. You can’t communicate with your partner about problems.

The first and foremost reason for a break up is the inability of the partners to handle issues together. Here is how Erika Ettin, a dating coach who founded the dating site A Little Nudge explains the problem:

“I’d say the one major red flag in a person’s behavior that may indicate that the relationship won’t work is the unwillingness to talk through issues, big or small. All couples have disagreements. That’s perfectly normal and healthy. But it’s how you handle those disagreements that can make or break things. Does your partner walk away? Shut down? Place all the blame on you? Throw a tantrum? These are all red flags.”

The problems hardly ever can wreck the ship of our relationship. What actually can is whether or not we talk about them and how we solve them.

According to Erika Ettin:

“In a good relationship, a couple can and will talk through issues, listening to the other person’s point of view and expressing his or her own. No one needs to win or lose. It’s about expressing how something makes you feel and be heard. Communication is key.”

Catenya McHenry, a journalist who wrote the book “Married to a Narcissist,” explains the narcissist’s nature:

“Narcissists are void of empathy. They don’t believe they are wrong about anything, and they will constantly feel victimized, accusing you of attacking them when you’re just expressing your feelings in a situation.”

Here is what she says about having a relationship with such an individual:

“One major red flag in relationships is when everyday life, events, conversations, and basic interactions are frequently about that person — where there are constant manipulation and abuse of power over you.”

“For instance, you could confront the person you’re dating about something they did or said that hurt you. Rather than listening to your concern and apologizing, they will manipulate and flip the conversation, telling you all the things you’ve done to hurt and upset them. This scenario shows signs of narcissism, and things only get worse the more time you spend together. They don’t care about you and your concerns; they only care about themselves. ”

And who needs a partner like that?

3. They don’t respect your boundaries.

That is a tricky one. Very often emotional abusers try to justify their actions with the differences in your and their character. But this is just an excuse. Should anyone starts disrespecting your boundaries and abuses you, you’d better leave them:

Here are some examples that Lisa Aronson Fontes, a psychologist, gave in her book “Invisible Chains: Overcoming Coercive Control in Your Intimate Relationship.”

“You are not ready to have them meet your family members or friends, but they push you.”

“He or she pushes you to date exclusively before you are ready.”

“They want to move in or get married or set up a bank account before you want.”

“He or she tries to change the way you wear your hair or your clothes or anything else about you that feels like ‘you,’ and it makes you uncomfortable.”

4. They are too critical of their previous partners.

Elinor Greenberg is a psychologist who wrote the book “Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration, and Safety.” Below is a short extract of the book. It explains this issue perfectly:

“Whatever people have done in previous relationships they are likely to do again. That means that if you listen carefully to how your new lover describes his or her essential past relationships and how he or she speaks about their exes, you can learn a lot about how this person is likely to treat you. When people describe all of their exes as terrible people and put all the blame on them for the relationship’s failure, this is a red flag for me. It practically shouts: ‘I cannot take any responsibility for whatever went wrong. I have not learned anything from these relationships. It is totally up to you to make our relationship work.”

And that doesn’t speak well of your partner, does it? Here is what else Elinor Greenberg says:

“It is also likely to mean that they are unable to see people in an integrated and realistic way. When they started dating these other people, they probably saw them as highly desirable and all good. Now that these relationships are over, these same people are all bad. Either they have a knack for picking the worst people with whom to be in a relationship, or they are seeing all of these people in a very distorted way.”

Unfortunately, the perspective of a relationship with such a person is not promising. That is why according to Elinor Greenberg:

“If they could not see anyone before you realistically or make any of these relationships work, they are unlikely to be able to do it with you.”

5. “If you find yourself justifying away what he does or says, even though these feel wrong in your gut, then that’s a sure red flag.”

That is the opinion of Perpetua Neo, a psychologist, an expert in toxic relationships who created the Detox Your Heart program.

“There is a psychological phenomenon known as the ‘confirmation bias,’ where we are inclined to discard all evidence that does not align with our views and only keep those that do. And with a potentially toxic person, they have worked to create a false positive impression to worm their way into your heart.” she explains.

If our partner is toxic our brains might work overtime to convince us that this is not the case, even when we know it is. Read on to see how this works:

“So even if they do something bad or say something that’s off, you may think, ‘He’s only this way because he went through X.’ This is when ticking boxes of ‘Is he rude to the waiter?’ ‘Is he nice to his family members?’ He could be all that — the sleekest toxic people are. But underlying it, if he says things like, ‘So they’ll treat us better the next time,’ or he has a mean mouth towards some people, and if you find yourself justifying his transactional mindset or meanness, then it’s time to pause and step back.”

Toxic people can have a seriously damaging impact on your life. The first step to detoxing from their poisonous personality, is to recognize the warning signs of a toxic person. We all have encountered a toxic person in our lives. The damage they inflict can take a toll on our mental health, as well as […]

We all have encountered a toxic person in our lives. The damage they inflict can take a toll on our mental health, as well as our physical.

While most substances that are considered toxic have an immediate effect, toxic people are different. Their toxicity can take months to seep into your life, and the signs can be difficult to spot right away.

In order to help you stop the damage before it starts, here are 11 dead giveaways of a toxic person in your life:

1. They Never Have Anything Nice To Say

Sure, we all have someone who gets on our nerves or rubs us the wrong way, but a toxic person feels that way about everyone. Even people they have never met before. You could mention how talented your child’s new art teacher is, and they will immediately give you five reasons why they “aren’t so great.”

2. They Are Selfish And Disregard Your Feelings

Toxic people love to test your boundaries. In friendships and relationships, they will constantly put you in uncomfortable positions just to prove your loyalty. They will interrupt you when you’re speaking to the point of talking over you, and they will always expect you to change your plans to suit them whenever they need.

3. They Have No Compassion Or Empathy

Unless it suits them, of course. The only time you will see a tender, compassionate side of a toxic person is when they want something in return. It’s never genuine. Eventually you learn to be weary of their smiles and “kind-hearted” gestures.

4. When You Are Around Them, You Feel Unhappy

Toxic people suck the joy out of everything, including the people who choose to hang around them. When you spend time around one of these people, you start to feel your light fade, and your sparkle dims. Toxic friends and family members only want to be around others who join in on the ugliness and meanness, so if you find yourself struggling to play along, you should leave. No one needs to be around someone who brings out the worst in them.

5. They Have No Long Term Friends

Is there one person who really knows them? Or are all of their friends recently acquired? The truth always comes out in the end, and toxic people can’t wear their masks forever. If there’s not at least one person who has been in this person’s life for a while, and who can say they really know them, then they might be a toxic person.

6. They Attract And Spread Drama

Every day brings a new story of woe from these people. Toxic people seem to be incapable of avoiding drama, and they certainly spread it wherever they go. As author Hannah Martin writes, “you’ll often find that a toxic person thrives on drama, and will dwell excessively on any negative experience that befalls them – cementing their victimhood and sucking the positive energy from those around them.”

7. They Can Never Be Happy For Others

Did you finally get that promotion you worked so hard for? Did your loan get approved for the new house? Did you nail that three-tier cake you were worried about? Toxic people do not care about your accomplishments, and they will not share in your joy. In fact, they become bitter and jealous whenever anyone has something good happen in their life.

8. They Gossip About Everyone

So you know they talk about you too. Every chance they get, a toxic person will bring up “what they heard the other day,” or “something they saw.” Chances are, the version you hear is a twisted and inaccurate representation. The thing is, because they are always discussing others in such a negative way, you know that as soon as you leave, your name is the topic of choice with their next “friend.”

You might know the truth about something, and even if you confront them, you won’t get an honest answer from their lips. Toxic people are manipulative and they lie every chance they get. They will make up stories, and paint themselves as the victim whenever possible. Learn to take everything they say with a grain of salt.

10. They Never Take Responsibility For Their Actions

Professionals at placing the blame, a toxic person will never take responsibility for their own actions. They didn’t get this or that done because of someone else. It is always someone else’s problem, and if you are the one nearest to them at the time, it will be your fault. So it’s best to keep a distance.

11. You Feel Like You’re Stuck With Them

Even if you have thought about leaving a toxic person before, you might have hesitated. Toxic people have a way of making you feel like you are stuck with them, and can never leave. They are experts at manipulation, and you probably have mutual friends in common, which plants a seed of fear. What if they say horrible things about you? What if they convince others that you’re the bad guy?