My husband’s mother is driving me mad. We have never got on. She is manipulative and rude and, except for Christmas and family gatherings, I try to keep out of her way.

However, ever since I had my son 10 months ago, I have seen much more of her.

She turns up at our house several times a week and constantly criticises the way I bring up my son. She was horrified when I gave up breast-feeding and told my husband I was failing my son.

She also comments on the fact that I give him a dummy and the last time she came around she tried to give my son chocolate. When I told her, “No”, she said I was being cruel and he needed feeding up.

I tried to tell her how I feel but she was very patronising and asked if I was suffering from postnatal depression. I’m not – I just feel like she is undermining my role as a mother and she is trying to get my husband to take her side.

He won’t stand up to her because her second husband left her two years ago. But while I feel bad for her it is no excuse to treat me the way she does.

What should I do?

Coleen says..

You’re absolutely right, it’s no excuse to treat you this way. I get lots of letters about people’s mother-in-laws, especially interfering ones.

I’m not a grandmother yet, but when my children have children I’m sure I’ll watch them do stuff and think, “I never did it like that”, or “They shouldn’t do that”, but I’ll try my hardest not to say anything.

Because, at the end of the day, it won’t be any of my business. You have the right to raise your son however you see fit and your mother-in-law has no right to comment.

Sadly, people do think they can pass judgment and, as you’ve already spoken to her, I’m not sure there’s much else you can do except be firm. Be polite so she can’t go complaining about you to your husband – but be firm.

If she mentions the dummy thing, say, “I know you don’t agree with dummies but he’s my son and I’m giving him one”. Don’t apologise for it and don’t explain yourself.

If she comments about his food say, “He doesn’t need feeding up and I don’t want him having chocolate, so please don’t bring it up again”. And leave it at that.

If you keep being firm with her she’ll eventually get the message. Or she might not and you’ll just have to zone her out and do whatever you think is best.

My mum used to make the most ridiculous suggestions when my children were younger.

She thought I should rub whisky on their teething gums and put sugar in their bottles to keep them quiet.

I rolled my eyes and said, “Yeah, whatever, I might try that”, then changed the subject.