Feds Unveil Measures against Domestic Terrorists

Washington 1/17/2012 - A highly-placed spokesperson for the Department of Homeland Security, speaking off the record today, revealed that they have recently deployed a high-tech detection system to locate would-be domestic terrorists. "Our new Cheetos Dust Detection Device (CDDD) is now deployed throughout the US. It has the unique capability of detecting the smallest amount of Cheetos dust residue at distances approaching three miles. We are confident in our ability to track the movements of all domestic terrorists with this system, should those terrorists leave their mothers' basements to carry out their nefarious plans. Fully integrated with our ultra-sophisticated micro-drone system, it will allow tracking and thwarting such terrorists, wherever they may be."

When asked how this system was kept quiet until full deployment, the spokesperson declined to answer, saying only, "We have our ways."