The Editorial We

Unboxing Day

Monday. Great news! My Z3 wonderbox has shipped! As good as, anyway. “Carrier has been notified of impending pickup,” it says here—which means the curtain is about to fall on my darkest days, my pre-Wonderbox years. On this day my life officially begins.

Tuesday. Guess whose Z3 has left seller facility? Estimated arrival: Friday. Good luck and godspeed, my angel. Now for another peek at my bundle of joy. This nice reporter at the Consumer Expo in Japan is getting a first look at it, cradling its sleek interface in his hands, just as I’ll be doing in three short days. “The build quality is extremely high, as if God had carved it from a single block of titanium.” Titanium! “Let’s get a closer look at this grille.” Yeah, baby, show me the grille. “They’ve really outdone themselves when it comes to megadyne interoperability.” You’re giving me chills.

Wednesday. Arrival scan: Fort Collins. Time to make sure everybody else is as thrilled with the Z3 Wonderbox as I know I’ll be. What a relief. Still four-and-a-half stars on Amazon. “The Z3 is the only rational choice”—and that’s from an Expert Reviewer (East Coast). Gadgetluvr thinks it “blows the overhyped HTL-9 out of the water,” and is “amazingly portable,” to boot. “Battery life not what it should be.” Hey, nothing’s perfect, pal! But I have to admit to just a hint of a nagging doubt after reading that three-star review from A. Gupta (United States): “So far, the one serious flaw I find is degraded performance due to cross-platform packet merging.” Gulp! What in heaven’s name is he talking about? Shotgun6 (Twin Cities Minnesota) puts my mind at ease: “That reviewer who whined about cross-platform issues obviously doesn’t know that packet merging can be turned OFF. READ THE MANUAL, MORON!!!”

Thursday. Ah, Secaucus, beauteous rest stop on my beloved’s homeward journey. I told myself I wouldn’t, but I simply must watch an unboxing video. Now. The immaculate white package is nestled in the hands of a pasty-faced teenager from Duluth. “I’m sliding the inner case out of its protective cardboard jacket and undoing the magnetic fastener,” he intones. How can he sound so clinical? “Now I’m removing the outer membrane from the Neoprene sleeve.” Oh, just open the box. “Beneath the sleeve is a layer of insulation.” Open the box! Open the box! “And now I carefully lift off the anodized aluminum cover . . . and there it is.” It’s a moment of sheer transcendence. The Z3 Wonderbox glows softly in its foam cocoon, luminous with possibilities that will never seem greater than at this instant. I watch the unboxing again. And again.

Friday. 06:24 AM Out for delivery. 03:24 PM Delivered. Oh, look, a package on my doorstep. Dare I open it? Gosh, I don’t know. I’m thinking of holding out for the Z4.