Oh great, somebody’s covered Fast Car. They didn’t have to, really. On the bright side, it’s a “proper” cover inasmuch as the full lyrics are used rather than just one or two lines repeated over and over again, but the bad news is that it all sounds very by the numbers. It sounds like Jonas Blue and Dakota were told to do this song rather than choosing to do it because they wanted to.

Craig David’s back, and this time he’s brought the late nineties with him – this is throwback on such a scale that it could have been the B-side to Re-Rewind. It even acknowledges that it’s old school, for God’s sake. Nah, not for me. 7 Years is a strange one – it seems to assume that the listener knows enough about the band that it can do a retrospective song about how they got here… and yet this is their first hit single in the UK and only their seventh in their native Denmark. Bit of an odd time to do it. Mind you, it’s their fifth Danish chart-topper so they must be doing something right that just hasn’t quite connected with me. Rihanna’s new one’s next and it’s… unexpected. Aside from Drake’s guest spot she barely pauses for breath, and I suppose that’s because the song’s so minimally produced that if she stops the song will dissolve like an Alka Seltzer. She’s done better, no doubt about it. Rounding off the week is Zayn Formerlyofonedirection, and he’s only gone straight to the top of the chart first week out. Don’t knock it, that’s quite an achievement these days – the song he’s just knocked off the top (Stitches) entered the Top 75 at No.72 and took 15 weeks to ascend to the summit. Pillowtalk is more grown-up, mature and, frankly, randy than the stuff he used to peddle with his former bandmates. How much of this has been carefully engineered to make his solo stuff sound distinctly different and how much is down to him I don’t know, but it’s the best new song of the week by a country mile and really that’s all you can ask for.

Secret Love Song would’ve been a lot better if it actually was a secret. It’s as predictable as a cast member leaving Hollyoaks and promising their fans it’ll be an “explosive exit”. I swear Hollyoaks is Logan’s Run set in Cheshire – whenever I’ve been “lucky” enough to see it I don’t think I’ve ever seen anybody over 30. Probably because they’re all bloody dead long before they exit their twenties. ANYWAY…

Oh well, at least Lush Life is a little ray of sunshine to bring February to a close. It’s not exactly been a vintage month, has it?