I’ve created a sketch for the prototype which is the cornerstone of our world domination plan. I’m calling this device Hair Ball. This is a good code name, since Project Hair Ball sounds benign. To back track a bit, the plan is to infiltrate world leaders via a nano bug which will fly into their ears and allow use to control their thoughts and actions.

I’ll deliver the prototype to our scientists in the top secret Star Gazer laboratory under The Mountain of Doom. Yes, I know that’s just this side of a ripoff, however Sauron isn’t around anymore to complain.

As you might expect, the Mountain of Doom is quite hot, volcanic fires and all. And there’s no air conditioning. I’m sweating in places I didn’t know I could sweat. Stifling heat is sapping me of all creativity and giving me a headache.

I’m nearing 30,000 followers on my blog. I want to do something to mark the moment, but again heat and headache. I’m not sure what to do. That’s where you guys come in. Anyone out there have any suggestions?

I’ve decide on the name for our secret organization, Star Gazers. (We need a cool logo. Any artists out there with ideas, otherwise we’ll windup with me and a crayon. Probably not the image we’re going for.) I haven’t decided on our purpose other than the general goal of world domination. Should it be outright domination or subversive domination? Should we be that scary anonymous group pulling the strings behind the scenes? Yes, I think so.

I have an idea. (I’m listening to the sound track from Lord of the Rings which may be coloring my decisions). We need to create a nano technology that we can fly into the ears of the world leaders. Our command will become their desire. Unless anyone else has another idea. I don’t want to become one of those domineering evil masterminds. This should be a democracy.

While our mad scientist staff begins working on the prototype, I’ll be working on another project. I was advised to take my current goal and 10 times it. Don’t worry, I won’t be making 10 blog posts a day. I will be attempting to complete my novel, Who Stole the Corporate Sausage? in 10 count them, 10 days. Yes you heard me right, not months, not weeks, but days.

So here’s the plan. I have completed the first 25%. I’m going to attempt to map out the next 25% and write it today and tomorrow. Don’t you just love these last minute ideas, made without giving any thought to feasibility? I’ll let you know how it goes tomorrow.

P.S. I’m working on the secret decoder.

P.S. 2.0 If anyone else is writing about our world domination, let me know so I can link to your posts.

Yesterday I was waiting on someone who needed to pickup prescriptions at the pharmacy. (I know day in the life of an evil villain. Work life balance is so important when you’re in the middle of taking over the world.) So I was working on our grand plan.

Picture it.

The car is hot, the parking lot crowded and my stomach is growling. And it hits me. Why that’s brilliant? You guys are going to love this … Hey, is that an all you can eat Japanese buffet? Now what was I thinking? I forgot. At this rate, it going to take a while to attain world domination status.

I think we need a mission and a catchy phrase to keep us motivated. World domination for world domination’s sake is a hard sell.

Who do I hate the most? Lets be honest, hates takes a lot of energy to sustain. In addition to be a world class procrastinator, I’m too lazy to really work up to hate. There aren’t too many people who are worth the effort. However, 99% of all politicians, bankers and pharmaceutical magnates are high up on the potentials list.

As for the name of our secret headquarters also known as my bedroom, the only suggestion was Grande Salle du Mal, the Great Hall of Evil (https://tobthebat.wordpress.com/). I might have to get rid of the floral bedspread.

P.S. The whole one ring to rule them all thing isn’t going to work out. Apparently there was a little incident with the ring. Thanks MoJo (https://momentumofjo.com) for pointing that out.

Today is the first day of my World Domination Project. If you are reading this, you are in one of several groups, henchmen, minions, sidekick, subjects (see minions) or possibly arch nemesis. If you are in the arch nemesis category, beware I have low tolerance for super hero interference.

We’re going to need a few items to get started.

My Evil Name, right now I’m going with Big Bad Evil, but it really doesn’t have the kind of poetic ring I was hoping for.

Evil Staff

Name for Evil Headquarters (Saying my bedroom does not strike fear or confidence in anyone’s heart.)

World Domination Evil Plan

A really kickin’ name for the Evil Plan to be used in indoctrination and marketing materials.

One ring to rule them all. (If you don’t know about the one ring, you’re probably not going to fare well in the new world order.)

We may need a kickstarter account with secret decoder rings. I mean seriously think about it if of our arch nemesis is reading this, he’ll have access to our entire organization. Should we be an organization or secret society? I’m leaning toward organization, but we can be democratic about it.

I know we’ll need people strategically located in organizations around the globe (I think we should use globe it sounds more villainous than world.) We’ll definitely need a butcher, a baker and a candlestick maker. I believe historically all world domination plans started with these three guys. You know the old “One if by land or two if by sea”. We definitely need the candlestick maker.

(My apologies to the British division for the American Revolutionary War reference. Though I’m not sure you guys got the reference . You have a lot more wars to study than we do. In your history books it probably goes more like, “Got a colony, got a colony, got a colony, lost one, got a colony, got a colony, … You guys really do have it tough in the history department. Our classes basically start when Christopher Columbus took a wrong turn, yours goes back a couple thousand years.)

I’ll work on number 4. You guys work on 1. My Evil Name, 3. Name of Evil Headquarters, 5. Code name for Evil Plan and I’ll keep looking for the ring.

The writing challenge for today is to write a bad first chapter. The purpose behind this prompt is to give yourself permission to write a bad first draft, so that you don’t worry about the quality, just about getting a draft onto paper. Writing something is better than writing nothing I suppose.

This prompt isn’t an easy one for me. I can’t think of a story that I haven’t already written a bad first chapter.

So first, what is a bad first chapter? I’m defining it as one filled with backstory and exposition with very little happening. Throw in a boring character and story and voila a bad first chapter. What’s the most boring thing I could come up with? Why me, of course. Here is the first chapter of a novel about a person writing a novel.

The Writer’s Notebook

By Deidra Alexander

Chapter 1

I often wonder why I started writing this tale. Was I hoping to rid myself of demons? Was I driven by some deep need even I wasn’t aware of? Or was I trying to make my long deceased parent’s proud of me?

If I could answer that “why” question my life would suddenly change. I would feel this drive I haven’t felt in a long time. I ponder it, meditate on it, pray about it. But, the answer never comes. So I write without need or desire. I try to roll in the words, some kind of beauty of prose and rhetoric, but it doesn’t satisfy.

A painter marks their canvas with color – lights and darks; brilliant and muted. People watch the process astounded at the image emerging before them. There’s cheering and applause while the work builds. For writer’s there is no cheering and applause, no audience to turn to for inspiration and support. Nothing to help drive forward to push to the next word.

I knew I couldn’t delay any longer. Opening the leather bound book of empty pages, I began writing. Words fell from my mind onto the blank page. The scratch of quill against rough paper continued until the shadows grew long. My back and shoulders ached. I ignored the stiffness and pain continuing on, never knowing if anyone would care how the righteous had fallen and the evil had risen. Perhaps no one would ever read about innocence lost and bravery triumphing.

It had seemed hopeless in those final days. Even looking back now it was a wonder we won. Death had seemed so certain. There was a single moment. A single rallying point when light and hope pierced the darkness. When blood soaked and battle worn, Roman had raised his sword and let loose a monstrous scream. For a moment no longer than a breath, everyone paused. Then as one all of his men yelled in response and an energy surged through them.

The enemy stumbled and the advantage was pressed. Their slight hesitation had cost them not only the battle, but the war.

At least that is how I remember it, looking across the field. One moment their commander’s hand was locked firmly around my throat and the next I was wrenched free, released from his strangling hold.

Was that the turning point? Or was it earlier? Had I missed it because I was struggling through my own war? Perhaps that was why I was writing. Trying to discover a truth that might not exist.

But that was the end, not the beginning. I must return to the beginning before you’ll really understand.

It started years earlier.

Moving swiftly across the silent hall, I heard the sound of faintly falling footsteps. Seeking cover in the shadows, I pressed myself against the wall. The footsteps faintly falling grew closer, perhaps it was my fellow conspirator or a traitor. I couldn’t be certain of which.

In today’s challenge, I’m supposed to write a blog post and let it organically morph into another topic. Not sure why, but then again I probably didn’t read the instructions.

Men got nothing on me. When I need to assemble something, I take out all of the pieces; hold a screw driver and the instructions (upside down); and start reading out loud. Before you know it, someone grabs the instructions and screwdriver and starts assembling. I don’t need no stinkin’ instructions.

I wonder if that counts. I started writing about the writing challenge and then digressed into instructions and assembly. Hey, maybe that’s a subplot. Maybe I’m subconsciously a writer. I’m taking a writing class online. It’s less writing and more outlining and preparing to write. I’m much better at preparing to write than I am actually writing.

I’m also taking a procrastination class. It turns out it isn’t about procrastination at all. Quite the opposite, it’s about doing stuff. Like ALL DAY. And by stuff, I don’t mean napping. Napping was not on the list.

Step one was to estimate how long everything would take to finish and then time yourself doing it to see how accurate your estimates were. So I estimated everything I normally do and then timed myself doing it. And after analyzing the results I discovered, I’m really good at procrastinating, quite efficient and effective.

I’m not sure he meant for me to time the activities I perform to procrastinate or the activities I should have been performing if I wasn’t procrastinating. I think his instructions were a little vague.

I did discover one thing, See if you can follow this train of thought. (Warning, Ride can make you dizzy.)

Things I use to keep from doing by procrastinating become the things I do to procrastinate if I find something I don’t want to do more than the things I was supposed to do before. Follow that? Don’t worry I barely did.

I use to procrastinate writing blog posts and would do other things to keep from writing blog posts. Now I write blog posts to keep from working on my book. I think I may have stumbled on gold. Now I need to find something I don’t want to do more than writing a book. I don’t know if it’s really accurate to say I don’t want to write a book maybe I’m scared of writing a book. (This is a suggestion from procrastination 101.)

I’ve written like a mad person in the past, when I’ve had a muse. Someone who appreciated and encouraged my work. I can understand why artists who found such a person kept them around. Never underestimate the value of a muse. Where does one find a muse? I wonder if I could build my own.

I may start a YouTube channel The Muse Builder. It starts with a blowup doll, male or female? He / she will need a smashing outfit. Now this sounds productive.

P.S. I was adding search categories to this post and thought about using Mental Health issues. It seems to fit today’s post, but then again it seems to fit most of my posts.