Neglect

When I was growing up I was the youngest of four children the oldest is 4 1/2 years older than me. I have two older brothers and one older sister (the order is boy girl boy girl). My brothers fought from the time I was 4 until my oldest brother was finally kicked out of the house when he was 18 (I was almost 15). My brothers fought so much that looking back at what I remember I am shocked that they are both still alive. They truly wanted to kill each other. My dad was at work when these fights happened and my mom could not handle the fighting (which was usually only yelling while she was there) so she would leave us kids at home and my brothers would then get much, much worse. My sister (who is not the oldest) would be left in charge (usually just of making sure the chores were finished if I remember right) and she then felt responsible for my brothers. I was able to hide for the most part while they were fighting but I could still hear everything. My home was a war zone for ten plus years.

I came from a violent home as well. My father was an alcoholic, but he was actually nicer when he was drunk than when he was sober. I left home when I turned 18 in order to get out of the violence. I used to hide in the closet and play there in the dark with just a crack of light shining in. I think that's why I enjoy solitude so much now.

I'm sorry for what you had to go through and you being you, you had no choice, there really isn't a point in pointing fingers now at this stage (not saying you are) because it's in the best, now is the time to learn how to deal with it. I hope you can manage to get through this difficult time safely. As they say memories are forever but you can learn ways of distracting yourself from these thoughts.