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How Do You Know If Someone Wants to Have Sex? 5 Essential Signs of Consent

Do you know all the ways someone can communicate that they want to have sex with you? Consent includes words and body language – and you need to pay attention to all the signals.

This video from Planned Parenthood has an excellent breakdown of want consent really means. By looking out for these elements in your sexual interactions, you can help make sure that you and your sexual partners have the safe and pleasurable sex life you deserve.

With Love,
The Editors at Everyday Feminism

Click for the Transcript

Speaker 1: How do you know for sure someone wants to have sex with you?

Well, actually, there’s only one way. They need to tell you. You need to have consent, but what does consent really mean? Consent means both parties are really truly into what’s going. This means that nobody is being guilted or pressured into doing anything.

Silence does not equal consent. Some people think it’s not rape unless there’s fighting, screaming, or someone yelling no, but that’s not true.

Communication doesn’t always happen with words. Body language can say a lot if you pay attention. Are they leaning in or are they pulling way? Do they look happy or do they look uncomfortable? Are they kissing you back or are they just staying kind of still?

You have to pay attention to all the signals. This includes body language and words. No one can read minds, so it’s always good to talk about it. Asking for consent doesn’t have to be awkward. Asking for consent can actually be kind of sexy.

Speaker 2: Want to show me your bedroom?

Speaker 3: Show me where you want me to touch you.

Speaker 4: Do you want to help me take these clothes off?

Speaker 1: So, let’s break this consent thing way down.

One, everyone’s clear about what’s about to happen next, and they’re happy about it. If you’re making out with someone for the first time and you want to go further, check in first.

Speaker 2: Can I take your shirt off?

Speaker 5: Want to try something different?

Speaker 1: Two, everyone in the situation has to feel free to be able to say no without being pressured or hassled. It’s not cool to pressure people into doing stuff they’re obviously uncomfortable with or make them feel bad for saying no or wanting to stop things.

Being pushy or manipulative makes for some pretty bad sex, and obviously if a person is drunk, high, passed out, or asleep, it’s not okay to do sexual stuff with them. They can’t consent when wasted or unconscious, so doing this is actually rape.

Three, be honest about whether or not you’re on birth control, have an STD, or having sex with other people.Wouldn’t you want to know that? If you’re going to get naked with someone, you have to have trust and honesty.

Four, saying yes to sex once doesn’t mean you’re saying yes to it forever. It may be tough to pause in the middle of some super sweet action, but your partner has the right to stop at any time.

Five, sex is all about connections and pleasure, right? If everyone feels respected, sex will be much better for both of you. We all deserve a safe, pleasurable, and awesome sex life. The more respect you show to the other person, the more they’ll trust you enough to relax and enjoy, and the more honest you are about what you want and don’t want, the better things will go.

It’s easy to talk about what consent means, but what does it look like in real life? How are we supposed to know for sure how far someone wants to go or if they want to get intimate at all? Check out our other videos for tips on how to do this consent thing right.