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As you know, Paddy has mounting doctor bills, and TPC has mounting TPC bills.

We recently tried to update the look and mechanics of The Political Carnival, but ended up running into so many tech issues that we had to stop, go back to our old look, and hire someone to help us find our way out of our technical house of mirrors.

Which brings us to this:

We're long overdue for our quarterly fundraiser, mainly because we are so reluctant to have our hands out, but, as Nickelodeon used to say, "A kid's gotta do what a kid's gotta do."

So if you are able, if you are so inclined, please donate. Paddy, Lucian, and I have expenses up to our collective chins and can't do this without your help.

Thank you ahead of time for your consistent kindness and generosity. Without you, there would be no us.

All I heard was Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi, criticism of the president over the Boston bombings, and then more hyperventilating about anything else that ever existed within the vast political scope of all things Obama. BAD Obama. FAILURE Obama. INEPT Obama. LEAD FROM BEHIND Obama. BLAME Obama.

I'm fine with healthy, constructive criticism, but this is out of control. There is no more news. News died when it was swept into the greedy, self-serving world of commercialization. What we have now is any excuse to create controversy, to even create a non-existent news story, in order to ramp up the ratings.

What better way for corporate-owned media to achieve higher Nielsens for their beloved corporate sponsors than to bash Obama, ignite passions, beat the drums for war, and scare viewers so that they'll glue themselves to the screen to catch the next BIG, SCARY CHYRON!

But hey, that's okay, people watched, some pointed and laughed, and some even mistook his warped opinion for fact. Key word: Watched. What more could a news program hope for? Oh wait, that was Fox, not news.

“Question mark.” You know, there is this thing we do in cable news. Sometimes magazines do it too. You want to grab someone’s attention but the thing you want to say is just too irresponsible to get away with or stand behind. So, for example, maybe I want to say, in discussing Lindsey Graham’s demagoguery in constitutional due process, “Lindsey Graham, comma, Constitution hater.” So no, instead what we would say is, “Lindsay Graham, Constitution hater?” Since you are asking a question, you don’t have to stand behind what you are asserting.

And then, as if on cue, MSNBC displayed a chyron only a few minutes ago that read, "Lame duck already?" Since they asked, allow me to respond: "Idiotic question chyron?" Question mark?

Put on your tinfoil hats everybody. Or didn’t you get the memo? Its paranoia time in America again. Maybe it’s the spring that brings out the crazy in our legislators. Of course, that would assume a semblance of sanity the other three seasons, and nobody wants to bet anything more than lunch money on that proposition.

The deal is, some maladjusted California State Senator who obviously didn’t get enough hugs from his mommy has single handedly set out to shackle another of our nation’s emerging industries to the cement block of job- killing restriction. Apparently, we don’t have enough problems, this guy has to make stuff up.

Alex (D- Pacoima) Padilla’s bill would make civilian spy drones illegal and require law enforcement to obtain a warrant before deployment. Doesn’t he get it? You can’t hold back the future. The drones are coming. Probably wants to require air bags and wheelchair ramps installed for potential disabled mouse pilots as well.

This loony leftist has targeted an embryonic market, which unfettered, would have the potential to boost this country’s economy to the tune of hundreds of billions of dollars. Not to mention destroying any possibility of world- wide drone domination. Ground floor dronage is what we’re giving up here.

Just what we don’t need. Another namby-pamby California socialist with his knickers all in a wad over more silly liberal concepts like invasion of privacy. Who’s he kidding? What privacy? Like we got any left. Must live in a cave. Besides, if you’re not doing anything wrong, you got nothing to worry about. Although, the definition of wrong does tend to be somewhat elastic these days according to who’s on the critiquing end. But as long as god- fearing people are in charge, we can sleep easy. Fearing the right god, that is.

It is estimated by the year 2020, 10,000 drones will be scampering around US airspace. Municipal drones. Federal drones. Personal drones. Pocket drones. Big drones with baby drones flying out of their bellies. Lexus drones. Pinto drones. Security drones. Billboard drones. Drones with eyes and ears and wings and feet and… arms. Imagine every household functioning as its own defense department with a flying bazooka under remote control. It’s a patriot’s dream come true.

The day will come when entire law firms specialize in drone issues. Representing plaintiffs and manufacturers in cases involving drone accidents, drone crashes and folks rained down upon with drone debris leading to… drone insurance. And the listening capabilities of drones will inevitably lead to a proliferation in the use of American Sign Language.

But, if people like Alex Padilla get their way, this legislation will set off a veritable avalanche of meddling regulation. Next will come neighborhood no-fly zones. And then the Seagulls’ Bill of Rights. So, write your representatives today and tell them to say yes to America. Say yes to drones. Say yes to… little deaf children.

Recipient of 7 consecutive nominations for Stand Up of the Year, Will Durst, opens his new one- man show “BoomerAging: From LSD to OMG” on Tuesday, May 7, at the Marsh, San Francisco. Go to… themarsh.org or willdurst.com for more info.