September 13, 2007 – ALTERNATE ENDINGS

10/27/2009

In my mind, my brother Todd and I have been riding out the storm together and with Mom and Dad since diagnosis. But my brother Frank Jr. has appeared a bit more checked-out. There has been palpable tension as everyone has been dealing with the diagnosis at their own pace and style.

Tonight we had a family meeting. Mom and Dad called it. They wanted us all to watch the movie, The Notebook, together and then talk. The Notebook is about an older couple dealing with the Alzheimer’s experience. We watched the movie. And then Frank broke down. Finally.

Now, all seemingly on the same page, Mom and Dad shared with us their thoughts and concerns about the ride ahead. Undoubtedly, Dad is extremely depressed. He gave us examples of how lethargic he’s become: going for a run and stopping shortly in mid-stride and slowly walking home; sleeping while Mom’s at work because he has no job to go to anymore and nothing meaningful to pass the time. He personally shared with us thoughts he has been having about possibly ending his life early. He says he realizes that it is an option. He says there is nothing positive about the long path ahead, this long goodbye. He says he doesn’t want to put us all through that. He admits that eventually, for him, at some point it won’t matter anymore – he won’t be aware of what’s going on – but we will all be suffering watching him deteriorate. He wants to shield us from that pain (my god, always the considerate gentleman!). And he wants to be remembered as a man of dignity, not as a fading aimless man.

I get where he’s coming from. I think we all do. But we also all made it very clear that under NO circumstance should he consider this serious act simply to appease US. It is HIS life and he has to ride it out as HE sees fit. We will respect his wishes, no matter what they are. But HE has to make the decision (and, quite frankly, silently on his own if he’s truly to shield us from harm’s way). I also pointed out that we need to get Dad on antidepressants immediately and that both he and Mom need to begin some sort of support counseling. They mentioned that they went to a support group together just yesterday and will be going back.

But the plain simple thought of him choosing either path just makes me sob. It was an excruciating conversation.

And now I’m concerned about WHEN this (might) happen. Again, like the open-endedness of an Alzheimer’s diagnosis, this possible alternate ending has left me waiting, worrying and on edge…