Fearlessly Optimistic about Sensual Kink

The Lights are low, the music is playing in the background. The massage oils are warm, and your partner is waiting.

"Life is to short, not to enjoy every pleasure it has to offer."

— Jean-Luc Gothos

Hi there! Let me briefly introduce myself. My name is Jean-Luc Gothos, and I'm the owner of Mindchaotica, and I’m your Fearlessly Optimistic guide to all things Kinky and Sensual who also does reviews on EdenFantasys, from time to time.

I am going to talk a bit about how both kink and sensuality can be done at the same time. I've always believed that kink in and of itself is sensual. It's a different kind of experience. It's a slower more drawn out experience.

Let me define Sensual Kink for you, that way you have a better idea of what I'm trying to convey. Sensual Kink means that you are purposefully slowing things down. You're turning off the Smartphone, you've sent the kids to spend the night with the grandparents, and you've turned off the Tablets, Notebooks, and Laptops. You and your partner are taking the time to focus on yourselves, and on each other. You aren't tweeting, or facebooking, or doing anything else except focusing on the pleasure of your partner.

You aren't focused on The Orgasm either. In fact you're going out of your way to delay it for as long as possible. You take a shower together, making sure to take your time and enjoy each other, flirt, be playful, and don't worry about anything else. Sensual Kink is all about the connection to your partner and establishing a real connection that lasts long after the sex has finished for the night.

Sensual Kink isn't about the finish. It's about keeping the moment for as long as possible. It's about creating a lot of positive energy between yourself and your partner.

I really think that in the adult industry we tend to over sell the orgasm. The orgasm is the end result. What we should be focusing on is the pleasure that creates the orgasm.

This is especially true of the marketing of male sex toys. It's kind of assumed that men are after the end result, and for some that's true. I'm not one of them, I enjoy being in the moment. I enjoy using my whole body to create pleasure for myself and for my partner when I have one. As someone who is Pansexual, I am always looking for new ways to create new pleasure both for myself and my partner.

One of the ways I’ve found to help make each experience as wonderful as the last one is a concept called Sacred Sex, or Tantra. Although I am still new to a lot of the concepts, the basic idea is that you focus on the moment, on your partner, and you’re not to focus on the orgasm. There are a lot of fascinating techniques such as soft cock massage, and sensual touching which includes full body massage. I think this is a wonderful way to create and to recreate your connection to your partner, or multiple partners for the Poly set.

I really feel that we should be more focused on creating quality sexual experiences and not be so focused on the orgasm itself. Don’t get me wrong orgasms are important, too. However, I think we have gotten so focused on having not just one but two, three or twenty, that we lose sight of the fact that sex is pleasurable, sex is fun, and sex is more than the orgasm.

Sex is about connection, and at times it’s about sharing your soul with your partner. It’s about everything in between the foreplay and the orgasm. Quickie afternoon sex is fun, but sex that makes you think about your partner(s) all afternoon and into the next day is even better.

You can have both kink and sensuality in the same experience. You can use rope to tie your partner to the bed while you tease their body with a feather, or you can use a paddle and get those endorphins running through the body. You can combine just about every kind of Kink/BDSM scene play in with being sensually kinky, since a lot of scenes are focused on the scene and not the orgasm that happens at the end. In fact a lot of scenes don’t even have an orgasm. Which is why I feel it’s important to get refocused with your partner(s) and really rediscover each other. Which in turn will help create even better scenes and play parties in the future.

I hope that this has been helpful and that you and your partner(s) have Peace and Calms Seas!