Profligate leftist prostitution partying from who knows where. || "It is now less and less necessary for the writer to invent the fictional content of his novel. The fiction is already there. The writer's task is to invent the reality." -- JG Ballard. || "You try running with your sagging breasts down the middle of the fucking street. People will throw a blanket over you. And grab you. And call the police. For fuck's sake." -- Germaine Greer.

From our own investigation, but more importantly that of the police, we can state with confidence that, apart from the matters referred to above, there is not and never has been evidence to support allegations that:

News of the World journalists have accessed the voicemails of any individual.

News of the World or its journalists have instructed private investigators or other third parties to access the voicemails of any individuals.

There was systemic corporate illegality by News International to suppress evidence.

Despite today's claims, they of course knew that the above was mendacity epitomised. Rebekah Brooks (nee Wade) herself after all, according to Private Eye, asked the private investigator Steve Whittamore personally to gain access to information while she was the editor of the News of the World. Brooks, now chief executive of News International, was personally responsible for the pack of lies the company released, and also claimed in a letter to the parliamentary media select committee released on the same day (PDF) that the Guardian had "substantially and likely deliberately misled the British public". The British public can now decide for themselves just who it was that deliberately set out to mislead them.

Embarrassing as today's apology is, News International has still not yet dropped its "one rogue reporter" defence, although it can only surely be a matter of time, nor has it made any comment on just what Andy Coulson knew, as the cases the Screws hopes to settle all occurred under his watch. Coulson of course completely denied he knew anything about phone hacking back in December when giving evidence at Tommy Sheridan's perjury trial, even going so far as to claim he had no knowledge of Glenn "Trigger" Mulcaire, the private investigator being paid over £100,000 a year for his services to the paper. It really would be awful if the prime minister's former chief media adviser was to end up in the cells himself, wouldn't it?