Thursday, October 30, 2008

well, i woke up today thinking of what my friend told me last night.we were texting happily.asking if how is he doing,is he busy,things like that...but suddenly i paused for a moment, reading his text message saying that it is confirmed that the guy i still love is really having an affair with someone i did not expect he would give attention with.my heart suddenly ached so much for a while that i almost dropped a tear from my eye...it felt like my heart exploded and blood is all over inside me.well of course there is blood inside me but i don't mean it litteraly.my friend kept on asking me if that was the reason why we broke up and then i said yes.he wanted to know more about the whole story but i insisted because it would only cause pain..more pain...it keeps on entering into my mind everyday why is this happening to me.did i do something wrong?have i chosen the wrong one?is this how God punishes me?i don't have any idea...im always asking God why and He kept silent.it is as if He doensn't want to answer...it is as if He doesn't want to listen...im trying not to think of him even just a single second but i can't.all i just want is for me to move on and start totally with a new life.even though im moving on but not totally because he still bothers my mind.what will i do?well, they say that when a person is in his or her downful moments that person is eager to finish or stay out of the situation and could not wait for the right time.yeah, i believe that.it is even in a line of a song "one step at a time,there's no need to rush..."and it is true.we should wait.but we could not avoid feeling that way because we are bothered with the present feeling which is so strong.but maybe it only depends on the person how he or she deals with the situation.i hope i can deal with this and move on TOTALLY...and i hope somebody can save me from the pain....hehehehe.....char!!!

wheeewh...!!!!it was a very not totally busy but certainly fine day.i was doing my daily routine and i did not even figure out that lunch time was almost over.naaaah...but that was okay. we had our lunch na man.i was totally busy looking at the computer.fixing my picture through adobe photoshop.i consumed a lot of time just to make it look more presentable.hahahaha!!!!i had the headset on my head listening with my favorite music and pausing for quite some time every time i hear those songs which remind me of someone i don't know if he still remembers me.yeah, that's life!yes, i will admit that im getting used of not being with him everyday but i can't stop myself of always thinking of him for just a short moment.he keeps on popping in my mind and it really hurts...and worst, i was left alone not knowing the real reason why did that happen.im still in love with him...damn him!damn that guy!....