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Jennifer

Green Bay Packers linebacker Clay Matthews is out for a month with a broken thumb, and Packers’ fans aren’t too happy about it.

Comments on social media have ranged from “Toughen up a little Clay” and “What a joke. Wrap that damned thing up & get out there!!” (Facebook) to “Turn your damn broken thumb into a bludgeon of death” and “Be a [expletive] man. Dudes play with more painful injuries than that” (Twitter).

There it is: the implication that Matthews is not a man because he’s taking time to take care of his health.

It’s a message that’s repeated over and over in our culture. And maybe it’s because I have four boys, but I cringe when I read messages that say “Why can’t he man up and put a cast on it?” and “Clay Matthews has a thumb he can’t use because his [female body part] broke.”

I cringe, because every single one of these messages is telling my boys—and yours—what a man should be like. I cringe because I don’t want my boys (or yours) to get the message that seeking help is not manly. I cringe because I don’t want my boys (or anyone) playing or living through pain in an attempt to meet someone else’s definition of “man.”

I cringe because we have already lost too many boys and men to this outdated, unhelpful stereotype.

Given the comments and criticism raining down on Matthews, is it any wonder that men are less likely than women to seek medical attention? Or that the suicide rate for boys and men is significantly higher than the suicide rate of girls and women?

According to the research, “macho” men are half as likely as women to seek recommended medical care. Males are less likely than women to seek help for depression, and a full four times more likely to take their own lives.

The phrase “man up” and the attitude that accompanies it have stifled our boys and men for far too long. Remember Junior Seau, the renowned NFL linebacker who committed suicide last year? Shortly after Seau’s death, Sports Illustrated writer Peter King wrote, “I’ve been wondering about our part in all of this. The media’s part, the hero-creating part, the Seau-as-superhero part. Did we lionize Seau for his toughness to the point where it was impossible for him to even consider asking for help?”

I think it’s time to take the question even further. Are we as a culture accentuating toughness as a necessary male trait to the point where our boys feel it’s impossible to be anything but tough? To the point where our boys are trapped and boxed in by unreasonable expectations?

If we want out boys to be full, functioning human beings, we need to let them know that it’s OK to say when something’s not right. They need to know that it’s OK to stop and reassess a situation if something feels “off.” They need to know that it’s OK to go to the doctor, and more than OK to take time off after surgery to repair a broken thumb.

Packers coach Mike McCarthy seems to understand the importance of attending to the person. He’ll miss Matthews’ presence on the field as much as anyone, but in an interview, he said, “You have to… make sure you always do right by the player.”