Book notes: The Dating Playbook for Men by Andrew Ferebee

Synopsis:

“Unveiled at last, a simple proven playbook to go from being a frustrated single man to having the woman of your dreams.

“When I discovered this strategy, I was initially scared to share it with the world. I didn’t want to become a dating coach and the stigma associated with that. However, I knew I had to write this. I was frustrated with all the pain I saw inside men stopping them from getting the women of their dreams. I’d been there, and I wish I’d known this strategy earlier.”

You’ll learn how to turn the number one barrier stopping men from chasing the women of their dreams, fear of rejection, into your ally. You’ll completely eradicate approach anxiety from your psyche forever, and most importantly you’ll acquire the number one trait that women find most attractive.” -Audible

Opening thoughts:

Opening that already so I pick this book up because after I bought Mystery Method and this one just came up under recommended. Again, it has good reviews and it seems very interesting. Since the theme of the month is attraction, dating, and pickup, this one seems like it would be a good starting book.

Key notes:

If you are single, it’s because of one of several or all of the following:

You are not a strong, confident man. You’re a boy inside an adult body

You don’t understand women and female psychology

You don’t go out and meet new women regularly

You don’t know how to talk and flirt with the women you’re attracted to

You don’t know how to transition from meeting a woman to a first date

You don’t understand how the dating process works

You don’t know how to have a happy, respectful, loving relationship

You ignore dating and relationships altogether and focus on other aspects of your life

The moment you make a woman your main goal in life is the instant you will lose her

The grounded man is a man of action, confidence, he’s interesting, direct, and he is clear in his wants and intentions

He doesn’t need a woman, he wants a woman

The grounded man understands his own value and worth and is comfortable at all times within his own skin

The key is to care less and less about what other people think of you

Your Purpose is Everything

“Your purpose in life is to find your purpose and give your whole heart and soul to it” -The Buddha

What really makes you come alive?

What do you want to create?

Who do you want to help?

What problem in society would you like to solve?

What are you willing to die for?

No woman will make you happy if you first are not happy with yourself

What would you do if money was no object?

What would you do with $10 million?

Aside from partying and an exotic vacation, what would you do and how would you spend your time?

If you continue to struggle with finding your purpose, perhaps you should go on an adventure, go out and explore and try new things in the world until you find yourself lost in something that just completely fulfills you

The point of having a purpose is to make you happier, more fulfilled, and ultimately less needy and reliant on others

You just have to have your shit together, love yourself, be a leader in something no matter how big or small, have some fun, take action, go after what you want in life.

Stop Talking and Start Doing

Women are attracted to momentum much more than meeting someone who is actually successful.

A free man is a happy man

Successis about building the life you want in this moment and never settling for anything less than you deserve

Always invest in yourself

Become a more interesting person by:

Doing the things you like

Making your opinions known

Trying things other people haven’t done

Go places where others haven’t been

Do things differently

Read more books

However much you invest in yourself and your growth the more interesting of a man you will become to yourself and others

The more value offer, the more attractive you are

The stronger social life you have, the less reliant you will be on women for validation

Organize and host a fun, weekly event where your small group of friends constantly invites when it’s your people each time every week

This will slowly grow and make you seem like the popular one who knows everyone when in reality you’re just getting to know everyone is well

You cannot get something from the world when you already have it. Stop seeking anything outside of yourself. With time your ego will fade and you will truly be free

Chapter 2: The internal mindset

You are enough. You are ready for any situation

Remove any limiting beliefs you have and just take action

Instead of trying to game girls, connect with them by being 100% your authentic self

Love yourself more than anyone in the world

Ask yourself: what would someone who loves themselves do?

When you love yourself, you’ll take care of yourself, respect yourself, and not allow second class behavior from others

Start believing in yourself and forgive those who have wronged you and take full responsibility for your life.

Realize that these horrible things that happened to you in your past are exactly what you need in order to make you a grounded man

Unleash your values onto others

You need to have a value system

Having a value system makes your life better

Your values are what is most important to you

Always be having fun

Let go of needing any outcome to be positive or negative

It’s doesn’t matter what moves you make, it just matters that you’re making moves

You can’t make everyone happy in your interactions

All you can do is be yourself and share who you are and what you value

You’re not supposed to connect with every single person on this planet

It’s about the fact you’re taking action and living in alignment to what you value and what makes you happy

Anytime you’re stepping outside your comfort zone, be happy because you’re being you

Let go and enjoy the process

There’s nothing for you to lose. Be present.

Be attached to the actions you’re taking and not her reaction or the outcome

An abundant man lets go of the control of his emotions

He approaches women effortlessly and fearlessly because he has nothing to lose

Abundance allows you to walk up to a girl and not need anything from her because your life is already great and is becoming better every day

It would be to her benefit to be with you because you’re living an abundant life

You’re giving them the opportunity to meet a grounded man

Abundance comes from being generally happy with the way things are going in your life

Treat women like human beings

They’re not goddesses from heaven

Chapter 3: Understanding what women want

What women want is for you to have a strong masculine presence, be the grounded man, and have the ability to connect with her and make her feel special

Men are the pursuers and women are the selectors

Pursuing means approaching and being clear in your intent

Initiating interest in her and actively courting through the dating process

If you want to have sex with a woman, do not try and be her friend first

This is incongruent with your true desires and can destroy a relationship

Value creates attraction

For women, this is when she feels safe, secure, and provided for

A pretty boy type of guy isn’t what she’s looking for

She wants a man that can help her get through life easier because life is hard

Emotion vs. logic-based traction

Attraction is an emotional reaction, not a logical one

Highly attractive women are conditioned toward powerful men

Women are attracted to men for their personality and status more than a man’s physical looks or money

The ability to switch between strong and a kind man is very attractive to women

Focus on having fun in all of your social interactions with men and women

When you have an enjoyable social life, dating becomes a natural extension of that

Women want sex just as much as you, if not more

Chapter 4: Going out and interacting with women

The not so hidden secret to getting results and fast

The only way to get good at attracting women is to become a massive action taker and gain more experience in the shortest amount of time possible

Ask yourself: If I was gonna die this month, would I regret that I never took a chance to talk to that woman, do that thing I wanted to do so badly, or even enjoy my life more?

Three things to keep in mind when you’re out meeting women:

Always be taking action

Always be leading

Always be having fun

The best place for guys to get the most experience with highly attractive women in the shortest amount of time possible is in bars and clubs because of the high density of attractive women

You grow the most when there is the highest level of fear, so always go where your fear is

Whatever you are most afraid of, that is where you must go from now on

Consider bars and clubs as training grounds

You need to be going out a minimum two times per week, preferably 3 to 5 times a week

The opinion of others will mean less and less to you the more you go out and meet people, especially as you get more results

Simply have a blast and be you and not care about what others think

When you take care of yourself and your life healthwise and socially, tapping into a high state will come a lot more naturally and easier for you

When you are healthy, your base level state is higher than an unhealthy person’s highest level of state

The Art of the Approach

It’s your job to approach and pursue the woman, never expect a woman to approach you

Even if they like you and are showing clear signs interest, you still lead the way

You don’t need any signs of interest to approach a woman

Approach anxiety: this exists because your mind wants to remain safe

Your opening line with a girl does not matter

It’s not the move you make it’s the fact you were making moves

The longer you wait to talk to her, the harder it becomes to approach her

Four openers:

Hi, I’m (your name).

Hi, I’m (your name). Who are you?

Hi, you look like trouble

(State what is happening in the present moment) and then “Hey, I am (your name).

Be more attached to taking action versus the woman’s reactions

Be happy you are living in alignment to your values:

Growth

Taking action

Self improvement

Four simple ways to approach women:

Verbal opener “Hi, I am (your name). Who are you?”

Raise your hand up like giving a high-five and then closes hands and hold for a few seconds then let go (Be confident, not too aggressive)

Extend your arm and hand out and reach to grab her hand. Wait for her to comply and allow her to meet you halfway

Moving set

Catch up to her and walk either side by side or slightly in front and say, “Hey excuse me (pause and wait for her to give you attention). I saw you walking and had to come by and introduce myself”

Three Golden Rules of Approaching:

You must lower your time of reaction

Once you see the girl, you need to get moving and go talk to her

Get in there fast before excuses start popping up in your mind

Adjust after the initial approach

Learn how to deal with the uncertainty of not knowing what to say after making contact. Don’t think about what’s the perfect thing to say, just do something

Set the framework of the interaction as a man to woman which will reduce the awkwardness of being physical later on

Set it up from the beginning as a man who is interested in her

Choose the bold action over the easier one every damn time

Women want a confident, fun, grounded man to introduce himself to her

Be the dream man she so badly wants to meet

There are too many variables on her end that you cannot control

Take control of the only variable you can which is if you took action

How to Hook Any Girl’s Interest So She’s Chasing You

Most of her impression of you comes from non-verbal behavior rather than verbal communication

Then introduce yourself and tell her where you’re coming from or what you’re doing

Make an observation about her, notice what she’s wearing, doing, ask where’s she’s from

Be genuinely curious about her or what she’s doing

Women feel a lot safer with you when they know you don’t have an agenda, so engage her emotions

This is when it switches from a friendly situation to a man to woman vibe where she has to decide if she’s going to stay or not

If you want, you can find a fun reason to bring her back to your place like a video to show her or a movie to watch

Spread out your first three dates to one per week

After three times, you can start opening up your weekends to her and seeing her more often and inviting her into your social life

Don’t overwhelm her with text messages and phone calls

Just relax, have fun, and be grounded

When you get her to your place, the key is to make her feel comfortable and safe

Before you head out tonight, make sure your place is clean and there are drinks and snacks readily available

You can set it up so you have music playing as soon as you get home and also give a quick tour

While at your apartment, initiate light playful touches, putting on something like Netflix in the background, but not something to actually watch, and maybe have snacks and a blanket as you’re on the sofa

You can put her legs over your lap and sprinkle in either like kisses and massaging her legs

If you are dropping her off at her place, you can ask to use the bathroom

From here, you can tell her you can’t stay long but would like a tour of her place

When you get isolated in her room or near sofa, you can initiate kissing and light physical contact

How to handle a woman that is not that into you

You have to be willing to respect yourself enough to walk away from a woman who isn’t interested in you

The secrets to having great sex

The more you let loose, the more she will do the same

Most girls want the guy to take the lead and be dominant most of the time

Don’t ask to do anything

Just move her into a position you want

If she doesn’t want to do that, then don’t get mad or upset

Simply transition back into whatever you know she’s comfortable with and continue

The key to talking dirty is to say what’s going on and how it makes you feel

You need to have more positive sexual experiences in your life

The more you have, the easier it will be

How to have an awesome dating life

This is the period usually in the first six months when you’re seeing a woman regularly, having sex, and going out often

You’re not exactly official but there’s clearly a lot of potential in the future

Don’t revert your life purpose to make this one girl your girlfriend

The second you show any sign of weakness, like being needy, clingy, too available, or jealous, is the second she starts second guessing you as a potential boyfriend

When she asks you what your status is together, it is a good sign

Tell her you don’t want to put a title on it, but want to keep getting to know her and say you will always be honest with her about how you feel

Speak the truth and don’t lie

Chapter 6: Girlfriends and Relationships – Getting in a relationship for the right reasons

If you naturally vibe with a girl, connect with her, share similar values, and she supports your vision in life, then you have a potential relationship

When you meet a girl that makes it completely unmotivating to go out and meet other women, then you may have found a girl worth investing more time and energy into

Talk to every girl as if you’re speaking to the most beautiful girl in the world

Talk to your friends as if there were 10 attractive women in the room too

Always be expressing yourself, self-amused, socializing, challenging yourself whenever you are out

View yourself as a social scientist and turn those moments of boredom into mini social experiments where you can step outside and get creative

Go out with someone who is fun, has positive energy, and who can hold you accountable to this

Go out 2-5 times per week (day or night) and be each other’s wingmen

The more pain that you experience and the more willpower you have to overcome that pain, the more you’re going to grow

Keep going so that you can reap the rewards of all the pain that you’re enduring

In order to get higher quality women, you need to become a higher quality man

It’s that simple. Personal change is supposed to be hard but it can be done

You make your own luck through action, persistence, and willpower

Themes / Main Ideas:

The more you value and respect yourself, the more women will value and respect you

No woman will make you happy if you first are not happy with yourself

Women are attracted to momentum much more than meeting someone who is actually successful

What women want is for you to have a strong masculine presence, be the grounded man, and have the ability to connect with her and make her feel special

Men are the pursuers and women are the selectors

Value creates attraction

Three things to keep in mind when you’re out meeting women:

Always be taking action

Always be leading

Always be having fun

You grow the most when there is the highest level of fear, so always go where your fear is

It’s not what you say but the energy behind how you say it

It’s better to be single with high standards than in a relationship settling for less than you deserve out of scarcity

Draw your happiness from within and other people will be happy to be around you

You are the average of your five closest friends

It’s not your responsibility for you to make her happy

Embrace failure as a learning experiences

In order to get higher quality women, you need to become a higher quality man

Closing thoughts:

This was such a good book! It wasn’t the typical, dating book that reminds people of those sleazy sales books that tell you to do unethical things. I like how the main premise of having a better dating life is to become a better person and have a purpose. The moment you make dating and the girl your purpose, that’s the moment you’ll lose.

What I also really enjoyed about the book was that it wasn’t so philosophical and didn’t stay to high level. It was actually very tactical and gave great scripts and steps that anyone can apply right away. I think having an action plan is the 2nd half to learning. True learning is accomplished by doing, and having a plan makes it easier to do.

I really enjoyed this book and have already begun to internalize the ideas and principles of being a “grounded man” into my own life and already seeing the results. Even if I’m not going out and trying to pick up women, i’ve noticed a huge change in my own mindset, how I interact with people, and the quality of my experiences. I’m not feeling as sad or lonely, and definitely not as needy as before. I’m soley focused on pursuing my purpose and being a high-value, grounded man who has a lot of value to offer to those around my, and it feels great.

Nutshell:

In order to date higher quality women, you’ll need to become a higher quality man. Principles and tactics to apply in order to become a “grounded man”.

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Hello, my name is Marlo!

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