Guides

How to Text a Girl? – a Definitive Guide

Understanding how to text a girl was one the biggest problem I had when I first started out. I remembered during my early days as a pick up artist, I remembered pouring through tons books and theories on how to text a girl. For the most part of life, I don’t really enjoy using my phone to get to know someone.

I don’t enjoy texting as it’s time consuming, and it’s a medium where a lot of miscommunication can come into play. This is especially so as I’m someone that enjoys dark, sarcastic humor that can come off as a little blunt when it comes to texting.

I often lament that I find myself much more confident in person than behind a mobile screen. Behind the screen, I can’t read expressions, I can’t figure out what she’s feeling. Whether she’s shy, interested or bored. If my joke has came off the wrong way.

However, Singapore/ Asia culture is such that everyone here texts a lot, and it’s part and parcel of social interactions. Texting and setting up dates and plans over the text has been the cultural dating norm in modern life, and I’ll just have to adjust to it. Gradually, I’m more and more accepting of the fact that texting is a staple in modern life, and that everybody does it.

It’s noted that SOME girls do react positively to those lines and cutesy things you come up with over text. It’s just something I don’t bother with anymore. It’s also something that doesn’t work out well for me. I tend to be blunt and my humor can come off wrong.

How to Text a Girl – a Step by Step Guide

You are you who attract into your life. It’s called the assortment theory. It’s a psychology concept that argues that you are always self selecting your behaviours in your interactions. This surprisingly plays out in our text interactions.

If you choose to be honest and authentic, the people around you will respond with similar behaviours. If you choose to be cold and manipulative, the people around you will also respond to you in a similar manner.

How to Text a Girl – The Inner Game of Texting

What… if she doesn’t text me back? Think of it, what would a truly attractive individual have done?

He wouldn’t feel so conscious about reaching out to people through text. He wouldn’t feel the need to not text back or to text back immediately. He’ll only text back when he has the mental space to, simultaneously, he also wouldn’t worry too much about what he’s going to text.

He’s living life on his own needs and his own values. When he texts a girl, he does it because that’s his truth, his needs, and his values. He is living life based on his own needs and values, not on how the other person respond to him. He doesn’t have to worry so much about what the other person is going to think, or reply, or respond.

I value security, commitment, trust, reliability, and availability in a relationship. So if someone doesn’t text me back promptly, then there’s an incompatibility of values. Whether be it for work, business, friendship or romantic.

With this mindset, I am operating on my own values. I worry less when I text someone and he or she doesn’t reply, or doesn’t give me the response that I want. This is a philosophy I want to stress on as a Singapore dating coach.

How to Be Non Needy on Text: Invest In Yourself

Becoming more attractive overall includes investing in yourself. Investing in yourself means valuing your time, pursuing your passions, running your business or filling your days with stuff that you care about.

Your emotions and reactions towards texting should be similar to that in real social interactions. It’s said that a character of a person defined when no one is looking. If you lead an interesting lifestyle, you won’t be too hung up on her replies. If she replies slow, or fast, your emotions should not be dictated by that.

Do The Heavy Lifting in a Real Life Interaction

In his book Models by Mark Manson, the author doesn’t really go into the nitty gritty of how to text on a girl, on the other hand, he proposes the idea that heavy lifting is done in real life interaction. He goes even further to say that one should ask the girl out for coffee there and then.

That works really well in Western cultures and social dynamics but asking a girl out for coffee in front of her social circle is normal, whereas, in Singapore, it’s something that can put quite a bit of social pressure on the girl.

Well, it’s all depends on context. You could just say, you seem really fun to hang out with and let’s grab coffee some day, and just pop out your phone and get her contact.

To Text Her or Not to Text Her… and How many Hours/ Days?

What’s the definition of the level of interest in texting? I’ve had tons of interactions that seemed to go well in real life but went to nothing over the phone. It is something that is out of your control.

If she doesn’t reply after smiling and giving you ‘indicators of interest’ in real life interaction, you start worrying and start thinking to yourself if she’s playing mind games. You start playing mind games of your own, and she doesn’t reply once again… and you think she’s still playing mind games.

Is there a right way to text? Some jokes and some teases just sound awful on text. The length of the text matters as well, the time of the text matters as well, the number of fucking blue ticks matter as well. The bottomline: text her the way you enjoy texting, remember, we’re pursuing girls from our own values and needs. I’ll also recommend in a natural manner, there’s no need the play mind games on text.

After all, you’re as an attractive individual is leading an attractive lifestyle. Not a lifestyle that bothers too much much into deciphering texts from girls.

Just Ask Her Out (Really)

Of course, there’s a cultural norm of exchanging introductions and some to and fro texting, but no longer than that, you should just ask her out.

The rule is simple: If she likes you, she’ll agree.

Then there’s the question of, once she agrees, do I still continue texting her over the phone, to keep myself on her radar? Of course, you do, keep it fun and light hearted. Personally, I personally find that setting up dates no longer than 1-2 days after she agrees is much more effective than planning for it a week ahead. However, some times her schedule is filled, then reschedule.

There’s a rarity that a girl’s schedule is so packed that she can’t squeeze a date in. If she mentioneds her heavy schedule, then I’m sorry, she just doesn’t like you enough.

Don’t Be Stupid, Context Is Everything

One of my friends asked me about Tinder. Tinder is a good example and how context comes into play when learning how to text a girl.

I’m setting a general rule of thumb here: texting should where the social interaction is at.

If you’re rushing to work and approached attractive girl and only had 2 mins of her time to get her number and rush off, then you’re expected to text a bit to get her out for coffee. If you’ve already built a great connection with her during the first time you met her, then it’s not expected for you to text a lot.

Texting (and just about everything else) is a Two Way Dance

Vibe and familiarity between people texting is a two-way thing. If a girl is likes you, she’ll want to keep the text conversation going.

I’m not a huge fan of building connection and intimacy over the phone. However, I find myself not getting results because I’ve not bothered to put any time and effort over text. Is it a cultural norm in Singapore to text to and fro for days before going on a date. I had past successes because there was a good interaction over the phone.

Texting a girl is a 2-way dance and can’t be played from 1 side. If you’re always pushing from one side and she returns just plain, boring and dry responses, it’s not flirting. Furthermore, it’s demoralizing and boring. Familiarity and vibe is a two-way thing, there should be reciprocation from the girl.

Get her number, build vibe and familiarity over the phone, and just ask her out. Plan the date a day or two later so that there’s no vacuum. If she’s busy, continue building the vibe daily, but not invest in it too much. Keep it flirty, and keep emotional investment minimal.

The faster you express your intentions, the less needy it is, and the faster you can find out if she’s willing to go out with you or not.

Furthermore, that’s much more things in life than flirting over statements over the phones I prefer to do the heavy lifting in person, and I think I’m a much stronger communicator in person than on text.