(Closed) Third time lucky?

Okay well I am not sure how to start this or where to even post this. I have been with my SO for a little over 4 years. We are still young, he is 21 and I am 20. This last year I have really felt as though I am ready to take the next step and get engaged. Our families are supportive and we are both very happy. Early in our relationship.. say after 1 year he bought an engagement ring which I knew nothing about. We ended up having a fight about something and after it was resolved he admitted to me that he was planning to propse but then changed his mind and returned the ring. I was freaked out by that (I was only 17 at the time) and I told him that I loved him but I was not ready to think about marriage. At just after 3 years he had planned to visit his family interstate and while he was there he was going to get an engagement ring custom made for me. Again.. he admitted this to me after we had a fight and then resolved it. Ever since then i have been sooooooo ready to get engaged and it feels like his excitement and longing for it to happen has worn away. These last couple of weeks I have been dropping hints and even talking about getting married in general. He went along with it but I could tell he felt awkward about it. Today we received a text from some good friends of ours announcing their engagement.. they have only been together for a little over a year and it sort of hit me. I know that time doesn’t matter but it just upset me that he hadn’t asked yet. I bugged him about it and he complained that I was getting upset over nothing. I tried to have general wedding conversation like ‘who would you choose to be your best man?’ kind of thing and he got really shitty and annoyed with me. So I dropped it. He went back to his place and about an hour after he send my good night text he sent another message telling me who he would pick for his best man and then two other groomsmen.

I don’t know how to take this.. Did he just feel bad about the way he reacted?? I guess I got him thinking but I don’t know if it was for the best. I hope that the next time he buys a ring he will follow through.. but at the same time I don’t want him to feel like I am pressuring him to do it 🙁 I am soo unsure about what to think!

Its coming up to Christmas, maybe he had a surprise proposal planned and you just sussed him out, maybe thats why he got all anti with you. if he definately didnt want to know, he wouldnt have text back with those names. because he must have been thinking about it to be able to tel you the names.

@Vintage-me: Lol thank you for the hopeful reply! I don’t know though.. I did suggest to him that I wouldn’t mind a ring for Christmas or New Years :S… but he got weird and said that he already got my present and it is actually a really good present… if I get this ring idea out of my head!! Hmmmm boys are so gay lol

A few years ago i really wanted a camera, i had set my heart on it, and dropped hints all the time. when it was clear he hadnt taken the hints, i ASKED him to buy it for me for christmas……like your partner, he said he had already got my present…..maybe next year he would upgrade my camera….. 🙁 🙁 🙁

Guess what, christmas morning came and i opened my present…..there it was. the camera i had longed for. he had got it for me when i was only at the hinting stage….

I hope that he gets you your E ring, but it dont really want to be AS a christmas present, INSTEAD of a present. it really should be as well as….fingers crossed for you…..

I have also been with my boyfriend for a little over 4 years and we are 20 and 21!! haha what a coincidence. My boyfriend gets weird like that too. One day he will bring up wedding talk and details and want to engage in wedding discussion and the next he won’t talk about it and act put off by it. Our families are all really supportive and have been asking us when we are getting married. Sometimes I try and not bring up wedding related talk at all because I think my SO gets overwhelmed with everyone asking him when he is going to propose and stuff. So maybe try not talking to him about it for a few weeks or something and see if that works. I hope he proposes to you soon!!!

@JessM10: Haha wow that is a coincidence!!! Yeah that is what I have been thinking.. I may have a better chance of getting a proposal if he doesn’t feel like I ‘told him to’ lol My family is the same and keeps asking when I will get married and all of that.. Honestly that just makes me even more frustrated because I will tell them that I won’t know until I get engaged.. they just keep bugging me to give them a date :S ahhrggg!!

@kfiorita: I have been with my SO for almost five yrs and like you I’m also in waiting. I have to disagree with the PPs and tell you that it’d probably be best to lay off the wedding talk for a while. It sounds like he might feel a bit pressured, wait for him to brig it up. He also may be planning something soon and it’s hard to surprise someone when they are constantly talking about it. Hang in there. It will happen 🙂

@kfiorita:I think it is a good idea to leave him alone. He has made his intentions clear (which is a lot more than a lot can ask for). Ramming the marriage talk down his throat pushes him further away from proposing not closer, and if it does make him propose, it is because you pressured him, not because he wanted to. Let him have his manhood and do things in his own time and in his own way-that appears to be important to a lot of men. You may be pleasantly surprised!

Yes I agree with both of you. Since he text me and answered the bridal party question I was bugging him about.. I didn’t feel any relief or happiness from it. I didn’t mention it at all and he sent a text today telling me that he didn’t think I needed a ring on my finger for me to know he is madly in love with me.. (which is true) and he said that everything will happen when the time is right. I guess he is just not ready yet and I don’t want him to be pressured into something he will regret.

We have so much fun together and we have so many holidays planned.. we are going on a cruise over New Years and then we are going to Thailand for my birthday a few months later. We go out for dinner and drinks heaps.. we still have fun clubbing together.. and we are sooo excited to go to all the music festivals coming up this summer.

I guess I can’t blame him for enjoying the moment. I am a sex and the city fan and in one episode Carrie said she wanted a man to just ‘stand still’ with her.. so I guess this is what he is saying.. he wants to enjoy what we have now and not worry about the future too much.

I can’t really help it though :S I am super organised and always plan things to the minute (weird I know lol). I guess I just like to know what is coming next and like to make sure my ’10 Year Plan’ works out the way I picture it in my head lol. But hey.. this website has made me get wedding fever after looking at all of the amazing dresses, engagement rings and reading about everyone’s wedding planning process…. YOU CAN’T BLAME ME lol hmmmmmmmmmmmmm : a girl can dream!

@kfiorita: I am the same, I LOVE to plan!! 🙂 I know how you feel. My SO was the same way with me though once we started looking at rings and I so wanted him to propose. But it wasn’t time yet. You don’t want to be “that” girl that pressures him into marrying you. And you’re right to enjoy the time you have NOW! You have an awesome few months coming up! So focus on that for now!