The Inner Thoughts Of CONAN’s Female Writers

Conan marks International Women's Day by commending the hard work of the women on his writing staff. His female writers have other thoughts…

TranscriptCONAN: WE HAVE A LOT OF WOMEN ON OUR STAFF.
AND WE COULD NOT DO THE SHOW WITHOUT THEM.
SO I'D LIKE TO TAKE JUST A MINUTE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THREE OF THEM RECEIPT NOW.
VERY TALENTED WRITERS, LAURIE KILL MARTIN, JESSE GASKEL AND LEAH KRENSKY ARE RIGHT HERE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, LADIES.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AS A FEMINIST MYSELF, I'M AN AVID CHAMPION OF GENDER EQUALITY.
FRANKLY I'VE DEDICATED MY WHOLE LIFE TO FIGHTING THE PATRIARCHY ON ALL FRONTS.
AS BELL HOOKS ONCE SAID, FEMINISM IS FOR EVERYBODY.
AND NEVER HAS THAT STATEMENT BEEN MORE TREN CHANT IN THESE TIMES THAT I BELIEVE THAT WE --
>> OH, PLEASE.
WHAT A BLOW HARD.
THINKS HE'S A FEMINIST BECAUSE HE KNOWS THE WORDS TO ONE SARA MCCLAUVEN SONG.
HE THINKS THAT TIME OF THE MONTH REFERS TO WHEN BED, BATH AND BEYOND COUPONS EXPIRE.
>> TELL ME ABOUT IT.
ANYTHING SALINA DUNHAM HAS DONE IS ONE OF SEXY --
>> SO CLUELESS ABOUT WOMEN HIS FAVORITE ACTRESS IS TYLER PERRY.
>> RIGHT?
CONAN KNOWS SO LITTLE ABOUT WOMEN'S BODIES HE THINKS THE VULVA IS A MID PRICED FAMILY SEDAN.
>> YEAH.
AND HE THINKS LABIAN MAJORA WAS A CHARACTER FROM "STAR WARS."
CONEEN THINKS A PAP SMEAR IS SOMETHING YOU PUT ON A BAGEL.
>> AND HE THINKS THE G SPOT IS A FAST FOOD CHAIN.
>> THE ONLY TIME CONAN SATISFIES A WOMAN IS WHEN HE LEAVES THE ROOM.
[LAUGHTER]
>> I KNOW.
CONAN IS SO OUT OF TOUCH WITH THE MODERN WOMAN HE THINKS THE BOOK "LEAN IN" WAS ABOUT PEOPLE WITH SCOLIOSIS.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M JUST GLAD HE HASN'T FIGURED OUT THAT ALL WOMEN CAN COMMUNICATE TELEPATHICALLY.
>> I KNOW.
>> ME, TOO.
>> I AGREE, GIRLS.
IT'S OUR LITTLE SECRET.
>> YEW.
GET OUT OF OUR HEADS LABAMBA.
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?
>> I'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR YEARS.
I'VE SEEN EVERYTHING.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
CONAN: THAT'S WHY I SUPPORT WOMEN ON THIS VERY IMPORTANT DAY.
THANK YOU.
THAT SPEAKS ONE OF THE GREAT