breast cancer … the good, the bad and the ugly

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Plastic surgeon

Today I had my appointment with the plastic surgeon to discuss the mastectomy and reconstruction. It was a lot of information but she went through everything in detail and I felt as comfortable as I could. The surgery and reconstruction would be done at the same time. Also the lymph nodes would also be removed at that time from the left side. It’s major surgery but done in the morning and I’m home that night. Home with drains coming out of my arms but at least I’m home. The drains come out 1-3 weeks later. Yuck that sounds nasty but oh well.

We’ve also decided that we’d probably make them a fuller. Right now I’m a 32C so we were thinking a fuller 32C cup. I just want to be a little bigger/fuller than I am now. Not too much bigger or anything. That would feel weird and uncomfortable I think. At least they’ll stay perky till I’m old. Lol.

Also I’m starting to feel more positive again even though my diagnosis is early stage high risk (still locally advanced bc it spread to 2 lymph nodes) Ugh. All of that can be scary if you read too many stats online. We will go with what my oncologist said or wrote on my form for work. She didn’t actually tell me this. I think it’s best not to tell patients as it can scare you and put you in a negative mindset. It said early stage 70-80% 5 year survival rate. Seeing that was difficult … I cannot be in that 20-30%!!! I am going to be in the 80%. I’m responding extremely well to treatment and with all the reading I’ve done on diet/exercise/lifestyle, I know those things will improve my chances. There’s no 100% guarantee but if I can do those things to improve my chances by even 10% then I have a 80-90% chance of staying alive. (God it sounds so weird to say that).

Oh and did I mention that I’m having both breasts removed to further minimize any risk. Even if it’s a little bit. Let’s say that’s 5%. So have I changed it from 70-80% to 85-95% now? That’s what I’m gonna tell myself. No one really knows what will happen tomorrow but I have to believe that those are my odds and that I will be ok for a very long time. Otherwise I’d be living in constant fear which wouldn’t be living at all.

VENT:
Today I was very frustrated by a friend who can’t seem to respect my feelings. We have a few mutual friends who I chose not to share with at this point. That’s my choice and I have my reasons. He keeps trying to convince me to tell them and it’s becoming exhausting and annoying. He was also a little upset that I was not returning his phone calls. Part of it was because he kept harping on this issue and other times I was really just not feeling well and not up to talking. During our last conversation, he also pushed the issue with my ex which I didn’t want to discuss and it got me all worked up because he wanted to know the details of what happened. I already told him I didn’t want to talk about it but he kept going. I was upset and angry after that conversation so thought it best not to talk to this friend for awhile. He still doesn’t seem to get it and is struggling with respecting my feelings and simply being understanding. He seems to be taking things personally and doesn’t seem to get what I’m going through. I’m starting to think telling him was a mistake. He’s not a bad person but doesn’t seem like he gets it. Very unfortunate.