First off, I'm am super super sorry this review is so late! I was trying to get it in before November...and then I didn't. I'm so so sorry -_-

On to the story:
I like Edie. Her character is very interesting, she seems well defined.

Seamus and Dean- flesh them out a bit more. Obviously this is only the first chapter, and from Edie's point of view, but just make sure they get those special little quirks in there too.

Age group: I think you're doing an okay job. I'm not in your age group, and I could still relate to it a little bit. It was an enjoyable story to someone who isn't in the real world yet. I think you did a great job with that! It's difficult to make your story open up to all age groups when you're from one age group writing about that age group. But you did a fantastic job with that :)

I didn't really notice any flaws in grammar or anything.

Great job! Again, I'm really really sorry about the super late review :(

~Sara

Author's Response: It's totally fine! I kind of like it better this way, because I forget that I asked for a review in the first place, and then it's a total surprise when I have a new one! Thanks for getting around to it.

I hope Dean and Seamus are fleshed out a bit more in the coming chapters; I'll keep your suggestion in mind though, as I go back to edit earlier chapters :)