Don't be afraid to break the forth wall a bit, perhaps at the end of the post, to give us gamemaster perspective or some plot hooks. But it is fine without those, but I think game use or plot hook sections would add a different dimension to this piece.

The second to last paragraph in the Appearance and Behavior section could use a rewrite.

But on the whole I really like it. It hints at something larger and has an interesting atmosphere. Go to Comment