This blog will post detailed news items about GLBT issues. Some of the issues include the "don't ask don't tell" policy for gays in the military, and gay marriage. Please note that my main website is DOASKDOTELL.COM (link on my Profile).

Followers

About Me

Since the 1990s I have been very involved with fighting the military "don't ask don't tell" policy for gays in the military, and with First Amendment issues. Best contact is 571-334-6107 (legitimate calls; messages can be left; if not picked up retry; I don't answer when driving) Three other url's: doaskdotell.com, billboushka.com johnwboushka.com Links to my URLs are provided for legitimate content and user navigation purposes only.
My legal name is "John William Boushka" or "John W. Boushka"; my parents gave me the nickname of "Bill" based on my middle name, and this is how I am generally greeted. This is also the name for my book authorship. On the Web, you can find me as both "Bill Boushka" and "John W. Boushka"; this has been the case since the late 1990s. Sometimes I can be located as "John Boushka" without the "W." That's the identity my parents dealt me in 1943!

Friday, March 14, 2008

Erwartung: when that intercom buzzes, and a guest is coming to dinner

I remember, when living in a renovated apartment building in lower Manhattan in the mid and late 1970s, that we had an internal intercom system. Later, in another highrise in Minneapolis, it was phone operated. But I can remember the “excitement” of expecting a “date” back in the 70s. When the intercom buzzed, you had about 45 seconds left before “he” would appear.

I remember, with some nostalgia, how it was then: the “take homes”, the dates, the brunches, the Fire Island weekend trips (or even Mt. Washington, New Hampshire). Infatuation, “falling in love,” seeing the world through the eyes of some sort of relationship with the person. Yes, it gets into the talk groups (and chats today). But it was for me, and for him. It was surplus. It wasn’t for “society.” Nobody cared if society “recognized” the “relationship” or would regard it as “marriage.” We just wanted to be left alone to “lead our lives.”

For heterosexual couples it seems like it started out very much the same. When couples fall in love (even if its Belle and Shawn on DOOL) it’s about them, first.

But, with conventional heterosexual dating, you look down the turnpike, and through all the can’t-see-through mountain tunnels. You get married and have kids (hopefully in that order). You have to think about more than yourselves: you think about your progeny, but you probably have a lot of pressure to think about other blood family members, especially parents, as they age, or sometimes siblings if they have illnesses. You come to see the social supports for you marriage as vital. It’s part of what you experience as you both age (and bad things can really happen – “in sickness and in health”, etc.), so that you will stay not only “faithful” but also “interested.”

The problem is that, while you do, as an “old married couple” accept the responsibilities of your marriage, you also create potential “liabilities” or responsibilities for others, particularly in the blood family. In time, you need to know that you can count on support, both from your blood family and from the legal and social system.

But it didn’t start out that way. Originally, it was “this is my life” and “this is my lover’s life.” Soon the two became one, sort of, and then the “lives of others” could be affected. You grew into this because of the way society handles marriage. Because the obligations expand and affect others, as I’ve noted, society tries to regulate and limit intercourse, or at least procreation, to marriage.

For a couple decades, gay men, particularly, lived in their separate dominion, even battling down AIDS. In the 1990s it all changed, as issues like gays in the military and gay marriage came to the public debate, and as the Internet quickly “democratized” the debate. One fact is that childless adults can be affected by the needs of family members – created (and met) indirectly by conventional families having children. Another is that childless adults often do function as parents, a fact more visible now with the gay adoption debate in some states.

There is plenty of practical reason that gay couples would want legal recognition, and from our expanding appreciation of the need for “social connectedness” it sounds like a win-win proposition. But, some traditional couples in “conservative” cultures have developed the notion that they need to reserve the perks of “marriage” for themselves as part of their “Song of Solomon” experience.

There is a more subtle problem, however. As I noted, gay relationships start out as an experience, hopefully “psychologically creative,” for the participants. However, the outside work looks askance and attaches a derogatory meaning to the idea of “submission” or upward affiliation. The “outside” sees in that process an expression of judgment about other men, which the individual person (as a male homosexual) escapes himself through the affiliation but which applies to others, relating to their ability to have families. Unchecked, they feel, that can (in the world of “logical consequences”) set a dangerous trend for society as a whole, undermining democracy and inviting authoritarian systems based on “rank and yank” ideas. Radical individualism, paradoxically, can turn on itself. History has shown this before, they say.

(Use for analytics)

Privacy Policy

Privacy Policy for billonglbt.blogspot.com

If you require any more information or have any questions about my privacy policy, please feel free to contact me by email at JBoushka@aol.com.

At billonglbt.blogspot.com , the privacy of my visitors is of extreme importance to me. This privacy policy document outlines the types of personal information is received and collected by billonglbt.blogspot.com and how it is used.

Log Files Like many other Web sites, billonglbt.blogspot.com makes use of log files. The information inside the log files includes internet protocol ( IP ) addresses, type of browser, Internet Service Provider ( ISP ), date/time stamp, referring/exit pages, and number of clicks to analyze trends, administer the site, track user’s movement around the site, and gather demographic information. IP addresses, and other such information are not linked to any information that is personally identifiable.

Cookies and Web Beacons billonglbt.blogspot.com does not use cookies.

DoubleClick DART Cookie

.:: Google, as a third party vendor, uses cookies to serve ads on billonglbt.blogspot.com .
.:: Google's use of the DART cookie enables it to serve ads to your users based on their visit to billonglbt.blogspot.com and other sites on the Internet.
.:: Users may opt out of the use of the DART cookie by visiting the Google ad and content network privacy policy at the following link.

Some of my advertising partners may use cookies and web beacons on my site. My advertising partners include ....... Google Adsense

These third-party ad servers or ad networks use technology to the advertisements and links that appear on billonglbt.blogspot.com send directly to your browsers. They automatically receive your IP address when this occurs. Other technologies ( such as cookies, JavaScript, or Web Beacons ) may also be used by the third-party ad networks to measure the effectiveness of their advertisements and / or to personalize the advertising content that you see.

billonglbt.blogspot.com has no access to or control over these cookies that are used by third-party advertisers.

You should consult the respective privacy policies of these third-party ad servers for more detailed information on their practices as well as for instructions about how to opt-out of certain practices. billonglbt.blogspot.com 's privacy policy does not apply to, and we cannot control the activities of, such other advertisers or web sites.

If you wish to disable cookies, you may do so through your individual browser options. More detailed information about cookie management with specific web browsers can be found at the browsers' respective websites.