31 December 2013

Sir Norman Wrassle's New Year Message to the Nation

Let me begin by
saying what a remarkable year this has been for tripe. Tripe sales continued to
decline but at the slowest rate since 1971.

Looking back
through this year’s diary I see tripe landmarks almost every month, sometimes
overshadowed by events on the national stage, but nevertheless of great
importance in the world of tripe

In January we
welcomed Mr Martin McEvoy as our first honorary president - not without
opposition in some quarters as Martin hails from the other side of the Pennines.But this
is 2012. We must move with the times and embrace all sections of the community,
no matter how geographically challenged they may be.

Traces of horsetripe were found in tripe ready meals in some parts of the country, a scandal
which was exposed by the bravery of Sandy, a three year old Jack Russell
terrier who is sadly no longer with us.

In February, I
had to announce that, due to the state of the economy, tripe salesmen would not
be paid any bonuses regardless of how much tripe they were able to sell. I interrupted my fact-finding trip to the Caribbean to deliver this news personally to the affected
staff.

My off-the-cuff
remarks during an interview with Mr Elliot Webb on BBC Radio Hereford in March were
grossly misinterpreted.It is not, and
never has been, the case that tripe is a vegetarian food and I am happy to
reiterate that point now.

At the end of a
difficult month, I had to defend the Board’s decision to diversify into book publishing.
Angry tripe retailers accused the Board of having ‘lost touch’, something I
wholeheartedly refute. Tripe is our core business and will continue to be. But
this does not mean we cannot explore other areas such as branded sportswear and
fragrances for the home and car.

In April, as
well as publishing our second book, ‘The Lost Films of 20th Century Spatchcock’, we also launched our spring tripe campaign, hammering home the message
that tripe is not just for dogs and the over 85’s - a message that reverberated from Blackburn to
Burnley!

The versatility of
our product was demonstrated yet again in May, when Edinburgh University
student Jocelyn Mather produced her tripe handbag as part of her Fashion and
Tripe Studies course. As I speak, Lady Cheryl has yet to open her birthday
presents, but I am anticipating even now the look on her face when she opens
that one in particular.

For far too
long, the Tripe Marketing Board has had to endure the association of our fine
product with something that is of poor or inferior quality.This year, we have decided it is time to
fight back, and we used the occasion of the 67th St Annes Film Festival to launch our
new Media Monitoring Unit, tasked with scouring the media to ensure that
negative references to tripe are always challenged.

This quickly
paid dividends when Goole MP, Andrew Percy used the phrase “utter tripe” to
describe a speech by a fellow MP.Mr
Percy graciously undertook the Tripe Taste Challenge and ate a bowl of tripe inMorrisons, pronouncing it entirely edible.

June was also
the month that tripe sales turned a corner and the rate of decrease of tripe consumption
was the lowest ever recorded.

In July I was
persuaded that the Tripe Marketing Board Diary, previously only available to
bona fide tripe traders, should be made available to the general public. To
offset the cost of this venture I entered into negotiations with the Tunisian
Date Marketing Board, which necessitated some additional travel.On my return, I was able to announce the
arrangement during an interview with the celebrated BBC Radio Cumbria broadcaster
Graham Swindlehurst.Graham has long
been a friend of tripe, and I have relished the opportunities he has afforded
the TMB to spread our message to the people of Cumbria during 2013.Although it would be wrong of me to pre-empt our announcement of the 2013 Heroes of Tripe award next week, perhaps I should just say that there will be many sheep farmers and nuclear power workers who will be highly delighted when they see the results!

August was a
difficult month for the Board. It started with a fact-finding visit to Greece where
the ‘Choose Tripe’ T-shirt was being widely worn with immense pride, despite
their shaky economy. Back home, our
Media Unit challenged Sir Geoffrey Boycott about his use of the word tripe
during his Test Match commentary. David ‘Bumble’ Lloyd read my letter out during
his Sky commentary, resulting in over 30,000 ‘hits’ on the Board’s website and
two books being sold. Unfortunately this coincided with the staff attending a
training day on ‘How to handle a media storm’ so were unavailable to deal with
the furore.

August was also
the month in which we undertook to sponsor Blackpool South football team – our
first venture into the world of football sponsorship and one which so far is
paying dividends.Local butchers have reported
that they have fielded more questions about tripe than at any time since
1973.The sponsorship deal was a major
event for us and received widespread coverage in the national media and a full
page in the Blackpool Gazette.I can’t
tell you how proud I am when I see those lads running out every Sunday in their
TMB livery!

Brian Eldridge
resigned as our CEO this month, to be replaced by Bryan Atkinson, a welcome replacement
and probably the man most responsible for the rapprochement between the Board
and the Vegetarian Society.

Although Sir
Geoffrey did not retract the statement in which he used tripe in a derogatory
manner, we were delighted to welcome David Lloyd as a patron of the TMB and
were very pleased to see him wearing a CHOOSE TRIPE T-shirt in his hospital bed.
This had absolutely nothing to do with him being voted the `Greatest Lancastrian’
in our November poll, contrary to popular belief.

September was a
difficult month for the Board.When we brought
our ‘Summer of Tripe and Sport’ campaign to a close we were perhaps not as well
prepared as we should have been, with the result that Wiltshire ran out of
tripe. Despite our best efforts and my appeals for housewives to remain calm,
it appears that they could not resist ‘panic-buying’, resulting in tripe
shelves in supermarkets lying bare for several days before stocks could be
replenished. We were also forced to
delay our ‘Free tripe for the over 85’s’ campaign until trading conditions
became more stable.

October did not
start auspiciously. The results of a
survey in the Daily Mail conducted by internet search engine Ask
Jeeves found that nearly three in ten respondents had tried tripe and vowed
never to eat it again. In response, we conducted our own survey which found
that 98% of people we asked had tried Ask Jeeves once but would never
try it again.

As we prepared
for the inauguration of World Tripe Day, we introduced three new members to the
Board: John Murray, Ken Ward and Phil Lathom, John and Ken are highly respected
members of the tripe community whilst Phil is our first vegan board member.

The first World
Tripe Day (24 October 2013) was a huge success, and will henceforth be an
important date in the diary for tripe lovers around the globe.After my own attendance at the event was
unfortunately delayed, our honorary president Mr Martin McEvoy proclaimed the
launch at 4pm in front of an audience of invited guests, celebrities and tripe
lovers from across the country at a meeting at the House of Commons, London.

October was a
good month for tripe in the south east; sales doubled when a Kent housewife
bought a half pound of honeycomb from her local butcher. This may have had
something to do with the fact that during an episode of the Archers aired that
month, tripe was mentioned in a positive context. In an exchange with another
character, Mr Joe Grundy was asked for a recipe for a book to raise funds for
the church organ and responded: "Well how about tripe 'n' vinegar,
then?"

We moved into
November with the sobering news of another fall in tripe sales and we were
forced – once again – to rebut rumours of a possible merger with British Spleen.As I have made clear on numerous occasions,
tripe will not be merging with any other offal- related marketing boards now or
at any time in the future.We also welcomed
Mr Thabo Mophring to the board. South Africa-based Mr Morphring will have
special responsibility for international tripe relations.

Following
disappointing second quarter sales, in December we announced that the Tripe
Marketing Board would be launching a campaign to find a new canine 'poster
boy/girl'.The contest drew over 60
entries, and over a period of weeks these were carefully sifted through and put
to the vote via a series of polls on Twitter.Our new Tripe Dog 2013 is currently being groomed ready for his first
public appearance early next year.

We were naturally
disappointed that despite being nominated for an award in twelve different
categories at the British Comedy Food Awards, tripe’s only success was as joint
winner with spleen of the Funniest Offal award. We have pledged to redouble our efforts and
will be entering the contest next year, bigger and funnier than ever.

But it was not
all bad news. Sales of our Tripe Marketing Board 2014 Diary reached double figures
despite being described as hilarious in several Amazon reviews.In response to requests from busy housewives
and executives, we have now made the diary available electronically via Kindle
– something the Milk Marketing Board never dared to dream of even in its salad
days.

Looking back,
our biggest success has been in embracing the social media such as Facebook and
Twitter.Our team of retired tripe
dressers, volunteers and interns has assembled a new audience for tripe beyond
our wildest dreams.Our private polling
via Twitter has shown that people are thinking, talking and writing more tripe
on the internet than at any time before.

As we approach
2014, I see nothing but opportunities. We have every chance of improving our
tripe sales figures as austerity continues to bite and with MPs on both sides
of the House being forced to declare their positions on tripe as another
election approaches.

Although I am not
allowed to give further details at present, our 2014 campaigns are designed to
put beef, pizzas and pop tarts on the back foot.Together, we can make 2014 the Year of Tripe.