Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: Finding Support and Hope

Posted on October 19, 2015

My life didn't change that day. It didn't happen like it does in the movies, where time slows down, voices fade to nothing and everything falls silent as what you're being told slowly sinks in. As a matter of fact, it kind of went in the opposite direction. Everything seemed normal, my senses were fully alert and I heard the doctor say the words loud and clear. It was just a sentence, just a diagnosis, but the weight of those words would sit on my shoulders for years to come.

Now you’re probably reading this and without realising, you’ll be wondering what physical illness could have caused so much pain and suffering. Cancer perhaps? Or maybe some form of heart condition or rare illness? Let me just tell you that if we were playing a game of hot or cold, you’d be sub-zero. I wasn’t suffering from a physical illness at all. I was and still am a survivor of obsessive compulsive disorder, a mental illness.

I suffer with contamination OCD, or at least I thought I did until recently. I’ve been having intensive CBT and ERP therapy (privately because NHS waiting times are far too long and I needed help immediately) and whilst undergoing treatment, I have discovered a multitude of underlying factors that form the structure of my OCD. It is both complex and yet very simple, much like a labyrinth. You know the rules: you have to start at the entrance and find the middle, but once you’re down there, in the twists of it all, it seems an awful lot harder than it looks. The same can be said about OCD. I thought I knew why I had it, but once I delved into myself, it turns out that the cause and effect of my OCD has become a lot harder to identify.