50 Life Lessons I Wish I’d Known at 25

Last week, I celebrated turning 50. I spent the day relaxing with my husband and kids, which is exactly what I wanted to do with the ones I love most.

The next day, I sat down and journaled, reflecting on my life so far – amazing moments and unbelievable heartache over the years. I ended up having an interesting conversation with my younger self.

Don’t worry, I’m a writer, so these schizophrenic conversations with myself are totally normal. I took away my titles, like, ‘wife’ and ‘mom’, and just focused on me, as an individual. Bottom line – I’ve come a long way, baby.

I wanted to share you what I learned. Here are..

Fifty Life Lessons I Wished I’d Known at 25

1. Life can be both wonderful and terrible, all at the same time. Don’t panic.

2. It’s easy to fall in love. Be with someone you respect.

3. You never ‘arrive’ in life. There are always new lessons to learn.

4. Pleasing others is a drain. Focus on honoring yourself.

5. Being kind to yourself works so much better than punishing yourself.

6. You’d NEVER talk to others the way you speak to yourself. Change this one sooner, rather than later.

7. Stop comparing yourself to others. It’s a recipe for misery.

8. Say, “I’m sorry,” or “I was wrong”, to your kids in ways that parents never did.

9. Going to therapy may be the bravest act you ever do. It saved your 20’s.

10. Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you.

11. You teach people how to treat you.

12. Letting go of people who aren’t good for you is a painful, but rewarding journey.

Marcy, the one I really struggle with is forgiving myself for mistakes in the past. This is really hard. I recently saw a graphic that said something like: Don’t let your past determine your future. Or something like that. Anyway, great stuff–all 50 of these!

Happy 50th! Great list, Marcy. It totally resonated with me at 56 years old. I just got back from visiting my dad and sorting through my deceased mother’s stuff. Losing a parent has definitely changed my perspective. Life is so short and there’s no time for anything but joy, caring and sharing, self love and loving and helping others. We must do it now not some day. And have experiences instead of giving and having so much stuff! Oh yes! My mom was such a clutter bug and I wonder how she could enjoy all that stuff when it was taking over the place, especially her magazines as she had so many subscriptions. I’m sure the magazine industry is suffering without her. She did enjoy them, I suppose but I see them as excessive now. I don’t have any magazine subscriptions and it’s staying that way!

Hi Marcy
I havent read you for ages. Wise words those yours. A proverb of my folk (my people) says.
At the age of twenty we want to change the world. At thirty we want to change our country. At the age of forty we want to change our family and at the âge of fifty we want to change ourselves.
I am sixty three and i have not succeeded to change neither the world, neither my country, neither my family neither myself.
Don’t change Marcy, you are a wise lady.

I always love hearing from you, Madani. Here’s what I said to my critique group last night:

At 20, I was TERRIFIED at becoming an adult.
At 30, I was just learning to be comfortable in my own skin.
At 40, I was mad that I hadn’t accomplished more (like publishing a novel).
At 50, I’m more patient with my imperfections. I’m still a work in progress.

What an awesome, insightful list. Thank you for sharing it with the world. Happy birthday! As they said at the end of The Sex and the City movie while toasting Samantha with Cosmos, “Here’s to the next 50!” xo

As Jack says above, the shit resists coming together no matter what the age. I still look to those who are older than me and hope that I can be as peaceful and prosperous as they are, and then I wonder … do they feel that way?

Maybe it’s the difference between what we perceive about ourselves and how others see us. Which leads me to suggest #52: Be as generous in your assessment of your own life and accomplishments as you are with those of others who are either younger or older than you. In other words, give yourself more credit!

Happy Birthday, Marcy! Thank you for such a lovely gift. 18 made me smile – I’ve only recently realised that no-one gets it all done, ever! 30 and 31 have been big realisations for me in the last couple of years. And loads of other gems in there – thank you for sharing 🙂

Oh sheesh, Marcy! These were outstanding! At 54, I’m working on all of these at one point or another in my life; not always easy, but you know what? When I “get it”, life is just that much more satisfying. Life’s a journey, it’s up to you to decide that your past doesn’t define you, it’s in the past. Live with love in your heart, a backbone, and some serious laughter to brighten your day. Well, that and donuts. Gotta have donuts.

You bring up an outstanding point. Life is such a journey and a process. I feel like I have all these mastered, then something comes along and knocks me to my knees. I don’t feel like I have ANYTHING understood, much less mastered!

#37 is my fave! I am older than you, Marcy, being thankful has been a big deal in my life. Like the turtle on top of the fence post, we didn’t get where we are without help. Happy birthday, Marcy. Thank you for sharing your creativity with me.

You’re such a gem, Karen. Don’t worry that it’ll take longer than 20 years, just keep working out it. You have WONDERFUL stories inside you. Really compelling ideas. I look forward to the day I buy YOUR book! 🙂

Marcy, Happy Birthday, and congratulations! You are and always were aware of the world and trying to figure it out. I love watching you live it and reading your thoughts. You’re a special person that I’m so glad I met so long ago. I have printed your list and at almost 70, maybe, I can use it to smooth some edges in my life. Love you, Jan

Went through 8, 10, and feel good about now.
Working on 14 now.
**28 I identify the most with & is hitting the nail on the head although people that are like me that have experienced it are the only other people that believe it, get it, and understand it.
31 – yes, not being with real people can sometimes cause 39 …
*49 – I’ve always believed this and believe keeping it REAL is totally sexy!

Happy 50th!! You are very real and I see you as a humble beautiful person. Im glad we are friends Marcy. ?

Great list, Marcy. The one I love the most is how life is never about arriving. We are always reaching for something just around the next corner. It seems to be our human nature. But when we get there, it’s the next corner we start glaring at. It is freeing to realize that as long as we are breathing, life is going to be a never-ending journey. Maybe death is the “arrival” or not. 🙂 Thanks for posting such an insightful list.

Happy Birthday Marcy! Thanks for sharing the great insights. Life is a journey and we should always adjust our attitudes for what life gives us. The key is to live in the present, for the past is gone and the future is a day away. You will experience more wisdom when you are 60. Believe me….more inner peace and joy will embrace you! Keep up the good work in sharing my friend!

Ones life could be significantly enriched by picking one of these each week to deeply focus on, practice, and incorporate. I’m going to challenge myself to that starting right now…hmm, which one to pick.

Well, hello, Bekki! As you know, even though we have 52 weeks in each year, it’s not all nice and neat. Just focus on which one “speaks to you” most, then hang with it for as long as you need to. I’m DELIGHTED that you’re here, and hope you’ll come back! ;0

Happy Birthday Marcy! I can identify with a lot of these. Too many to list. This past week a friend of mine lost her 21 year old son due to a drug overdose. So, I think for me No. 35 would have to be the one that stands out for me the most.

Oh, wow. I’m so sorry for you friend. Addiction wrecks so many lives, so you’re right. Saying, “I love you,” is imperative because we never know what tomorrow holds. I’m glad your friend has you in her corner.

I came across this post today. I laughed and cried. I am at a crossroads in my life. An aspiring writer since I got my first library card at age 7, yet here I sit at 35 with no action to back up that desire. Thank you for your inspiration! I needed to see this today 🙂