I found this website and forum via Dreamsend's reference in a Livejournal group, and spent several hours yesterday trying to read everything I could find; log on today and see the new update, so even more to try and catch up on!

While I'm still confused over semantics used here, I feel that's something I won't fully grasp until I get to talk to you guys and get a more intuitive sense of what's going on here. That is, if you'll have me of course.

Almost a full five years ago now, I started to get strange dreams of this creature who would chase me down and pin me to the ground, acting as if he was going to kill me until I finally stopped struggling, then he'd disappear. Those dreams went on about every month for almost a year. I thought maybe he was a fallen angel, since at the time I didn't believe in demons. It was when I had this dream three years ago or so of these two winged beings I called angels reading a scroll and bickering, while I sat in the corner sobbing and scared, that I realized the creature wasn't necessarily fallen--he appeared from the shadows, gave me a look of sympathy that stopped my breathing before he went to talk to the other two angels.

That's pretty much how it all started. I've known for as long as I can remember that I was different and didn't feel human. People reacted to me differently, were drawn to me, and I loved them very much. It broke, and still does break my heart to know that I'm not fully one of them. I've had several dreams dealing with the angels, and constantly I'd be told I wasn't human until finally I said "Alright, ALRIGHT already, knock it off!" and those particular dreams stopped, only to be replaced by snippets of memories and astral travels.

This is long enough as is! I'm very open about "the angel thing" and anything that includes as long as I trust those I'm speaking with, and I see no reason not to trust you guys with that information. So if you have any questions, please feel free to ask!

I'd also like to throw into the mix a question for you guys. Do any of you recognize the words/names "Ala'niel" or "Meroron"?

By Dreamsend Feb 15 2008:

Hi Keziah!

Welcome to our forum! I think that you should continue to freely talk about whatever comes to mind, we're all going to welcome you and listen aptly ^^

I've heard of negative experiences with angelics. It isn't that rare, I think. I'm so sorry, that sounds tough, truly... if it's given you something good to bring away from it, I'm really happy for that ^^

It's annoying dealing with those messages tongue.gif They are persistant, at that.

Hope you enjoy it here; if there's anything I or the other mods can help with, shoot a PM our way and we'll work on it! XD

By Azaz'el Feb 15 2008

Greetings Keziah,

welcome to the forum. It's good to have another new member here, so I hope you will soon feel very welcome here. Feel free to jump inot any of the discussions taking place or start new ones. We don't bite ....... well, not much! We're an eclectic mox of grigori, fallen, shadow, kin and human here, all drawn together due to our past experiences and knowledge that as the future approaches we need to stand together, united.

Oh, sorry to dump an update on the website on you just as you were trying to read it all.... blame Dreamsend, she came up with this date for it!!

As for your angelic experiences, perhaps what was written on the scroll was also important? Have to say that caught my attention.... as often in archetypal iamges like that, the act of what they are doing can be just as important as who they are. Do yuou get any sense of familiarity with any of the three beings you saw? especially the one that gave you the sympathetic look?

If you feel you would like to chat more about the snippets of memories, feel free.... we're all trying to help each other remember more and more these days, as life seems to be changing rapidly. As for the two names, there is only Ala'niel that seems to be vaguely familiar. But I have no idea where from.

Welcome again Keziah,

Azaz'el

By Keziah Feb 16 2008:

QUOTE"I've heard of negative experiences with angelics. It isn't that rare, I think. I'm so sorry, that sounds tough, truly... if it's given you something good to bring away from it, I'm really happy for that"

See, I knew I was horrible at introductions. I work best in a dialogue format than information dumping! It turns out the dream dealing with the scroll did seem a bit negative and I still haven't fully figured that one out. However, the recurring dream with the other angel was actually very good; I'm a stubborn person, and couldn't be reached any other way. It turns out the angel who did that to me is my guide of sorts, and I'm in contact with him almost daily. Needless to say, he hasn't tried to pull that on me again or else I'd slap him. biggrin.gif

Other than that, I get pestered and lectured now and again, but overall I have really enjoyed my experiences with the other angels.

QUOTE"Oh, sorry to dump an update on the website on you just as you were trying to read it all.... blame Dreamsend, she came up with this date for it!!"

I actually think it's really cool! I had read everything on the actual website, so now I can go back and see what's new. The layout's really nice, by the way.

QUOTE"Do yuou get any sense of familiarity with any of the three beings you saw? especially the one that gave you the sympathetic look?"

The two angels who were originally bickering over the scroll I didn't recognize. One had curly blond hair, the other was a redhead and they both wore these white linen gowns. The one who gave me that sympathetic look was actually the same guy from the other dreams who would pin me down, who I later found out was a guide or a teacher to me. He was there on my behalf, I think. I never knew what was written on that scroll, though I have tried to figure it out to no avail.

Thank you both for such warm welcomes! Yeah, I just heard the name Ala'niel about three weeks ago or so. I was getting frustrated because I was trying to research about the archangel Uriel (I study traditional lore and whatnot), and a friend told me this book she has said Uriel is the same as Raziel. This got me very flustered, and I thought "Next thing someone's going to tell me is my guide is Uriel, too!" I had been calling him 'Alec' because I couldn't get a decent handle on the name he had given me once. But he then gave me a name really similar in sound to Ala'niel, though I'm notorious for managing to butcher everything up.

I'd love to post snippets of the memories for you guys to read, especially since I've never formally sat down and written them all out. Is there a particular forum you would recommend to post them in a thread in, or would here be preferable?

By Lael Feb 16 2008:

Welcome, Keziah. To step out of the shadows yourself and give your thoughts, dreams and memories the tangible form of words takes courage, and is always a chance to gain perspective and a new understanding. So I hope this is what you find here during your stay. Please enjoy it. smile.gif

I've had a scroll dream similar to yours, in fact, and somewhat related ones in which I was the one reading. Way back when, near the beginning of my process of awakening. I would read the scroll in almost-lucid dreams and, for some reason, I could never remember what it said long enough to carry it into the waking world. So I would make myself read it again and again until I memorized it, but still when I woke I barely managed to recall disjointed bits and pieces. Go figure, hm.

*laughs* It sounds so very familiar when you say your guide had to shake you up and pin you down to get your attention. It was very much like that with me, too. And then, those who care about us the most are sometimes the same ones who inflict the worst injuries upon us... we do know something about that, he and I.

If you'd like to share your memories with us, I will be honored to read them. Like Azaz'el, I vaguely recognize the name Alani'el, though I can't match it with anyone in particular. I'll ask around when I get the chance.

About posting, I think it would be preferable if you put it in a separate thread, possibly in "The Past" subforum. Of course, you should post it wherever you feel comfortable, but I suppose it will be easier to find if it's not obscured as an introduction. ;-)

Anyway, before I get too long-winded. tongue.gif Pleased to meet you. If you have any questions or are curious about something and you think I could help you in any way, feel free to approach. I mostly lurk and don't post often, but I always answer questions, so. smile.gif

But you lurk in such a nice and polite way........ and when you do speak, it's always worth listening to. tongue.gif

Az

By Lael Feb 16 2008:

QUOTE (Azaz'el @ Feb 16 2008, 12:40 PM)"But you lurk in such a nice and polite way........ and when you do speak, it's always worth listening to. tongue.gif

Az"

Funny, I always have a feeling I confuse everyone along with myself... ;-)

By Ishtahar Mar 4 2008:

Fist before I forget....do you think the name you are looking for might be Metatron rather that Meroron? If so then Az would know him.

The scroll seems to be something that crops up a lot. I have a feeling that it has a meaning over and above what it actually is....a symbolism of some sort, a meaning ....but i have no idea what that might be.

As for the guide who jumps you shakes you torments you infuriates you...well I have one of those and I love him more than life itself. rolleyes.gif

Welcome to the madhouse. smile.gifIsh

By Azaz'el Mar 5 2008:

QUOTE (Ishtahar @ Mar 4 2008, 07:50 PM)"Fist before I forget....do you think the name you are looking for might be Metatron rather that Meroron? If so then Az would know him."

That's interesting, I had never considered it could be something like that. If it is Metatron.... very interesting.

Thenscroll does keep coming up, doesn't it. I wonder if it could be an early archetype for wisdom and knowledge. These days we would think of a book or great tome being the symbol of knowledge, but of course after stone, the originla 'books' would have been scrolls. Perhaps tha fact that a scroll is curled up suggests it is hidden, locked away, secret?