On 6 June, the British Board of Film Classification refused to give a certificate to The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence), effectively meaning the film cannot be legally sold or exhibited in your fine country. I'm from Austin, Texas, and I'm not here to cast judgments; Lord knows my own country's ratings board is a big, fat mess. And given that I'm a longtime film critic and lifelong film freak, I find the idea of censorship to be truly detestable. But at least you can take solace in the fact that your country's board does seem to care about its citizenry. Ours has long been living, and rather comfortably, in the back pocket of the Hollywood studios.

I will always assert that an adult has the right to purchase any piece of artwork they desire, but in the case of "The BBFC v Human Centipede II," I can see where the censors are coming from. It's all about context; in the case of the first Human Centipede film, the BBFC plainly admits that it found it "tasteless and disgusting", but was still a relatively traditional horror movie with a few moments of overt grossness. It got an 18 cert, and the film found its horror audience. End of story. The problem the board faces with the sequel is a lot more confusing, and here's why: writer/director Tom Six gives the "censors" no context to chew upon. It's hard to defend artless art.

During one of my rare visits to London, my pal Paul McEvoy introduced me to a friend of his. I assumed he was just another one of Paul's old-school Frightfest pals, the type who knows everything from Ray Harryhausen to Eli Roth and everything in between, and he was. A pleasant, intelligent, fun guy. His name was Dave Hyman, and he turned out to be one of those BBFC guys who decide on all the movie ratings! My point is that you can rest safely knowing that your BBFC people are smart, informed, and entirely well-intentioned. The Centipede II "ban" will eventually be repealed, and the controversy will certainly help DVD sales, and lots of horror fans will check it out, and then they'll see: yep, censorship is rotten – but so are some movies. Truly base, vile and rotten.

Human Centipede II played a few days ago at the wondrous Fantastic Fest in Austin. As a relative fan of the first film, I sat down with Part II expecting ... something crazy, gross, and potentially enjoyable. What I got was an hour of sweaty boredom and then 30 minutes of grungy, filthy, visceral misery. A plotless, ugly, grating mess that exists for pure shock value and nothing else. It's a dreary slog through one man's frankly obnoxious obsession with our basest and messiest bodily functions. And while it sucks to give Tom Six the press he clearly desires, this is easily one of the most disgusting films ever made.

The generally enthusiastic opening night crowd at Fantastic Fest seemed, well, pretty bored with Tom Six's latest homage to the human rectum. Several of the more nauseating moments, specifically the rape scene, were met with mild exclamations of revulsion from audience members, but overall the pervading mood in the room was that of simple boredom. This is an audience that championed films like Martyrs, A Serbian Film, and (yes) The Human Centipede, but the ceaseless deluge of bodily functions starts to feel less like a confrontational film and more like the project of a poop-obsessed 14-year-old. Those who didn't dismiss the film seemed to detest it. (Although you will find some positive reviews on the net, trust me.)

If the BBFC is specifically worried about "copycat" crimes from Human Centipede II, they can relax. Nobody could copy the unrealistic stupidity on display here. Having said that ... I'd also assert that hardcore pornography would be healthier for a child than what's offered in Centipede II. At least a quick parent could explain to a child what sex is. Nobody outside of a world-class psychiatrist could explain what Human Centipede II is.

So when you fine British horror fans get your chance to see the film – and you will – take a moment to feel a twinge of victory over those callous BBFC censors, but then once you watch the movie, also take a quick moment to respect that they tried to steer you away from something that exists solely to disgust. Censorship sucks, but there are two sides to every sick, twisted story.

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