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Friday, October 16, 2015

New Archies Reviewed - Episode 7A: Red To The Rescue

It's
time for another edition of The New Archies Reviewed. And while last week's episode made me incredibly frustrated and
angry, this week's episode makes me feel all happy and warm inside. It is easily my favourite episode of the
whole series - well, at least the first half of the seventh episode is anyway.

And
believe it or not, the star of the show is one that isn't even human. It's Archie's beloved pup, Red.

It's
Episode 7A: Red
To The Rescue!

Now
before I go on with the discussion, I promised all the way back in July that I
would set the record straight when it comes to the number of pets that Archie
owned.

As
far as I can tell, Archie has owned three dogs. The first one just happens to be Spotty, and it's the dog that
most Archie comic fans recognize.
Spotty was the beloved pet of Little Archie, and he tagged along with
the little red-haired kid everywhere.
Spotty was incredibly loyal, which leads me to believe that poor Spotty
crossed the Rainbow Bridge sometime prior to the events of The New Archies.

Recently
- in books dated 2013 and later - Archie acquired a new pet named Vegas. And while some of the newer stories feature
Vegas in a sidekick role much like Spotty, if you have read the Afterlife With
Archie series, Vegas plays a key role - he sacrifices himself so that Archie
can escape the zombie hoard. I like
Vegas, but I need to see more stories with him.

Now,
Red...Red is the dog that Archie had during his junior high years, and much
like Eugene and Amani, Red just disappears from the scene. It's too bad too. I mean, Hot Dog managed to last through all three incarnations of
the series (which makes me wonder how old Hot Dog is in the teen years), so why
did Red have to disappear?

Whatever
the case, Red is the star of this episode, and after Red gets in trouble for
eating Jughead's science project, Archie and Jughead are giving Red and Hot Dog
a bath. Betty and Veronica are
assisting them. It's good to know that
Veronica holds no hard feelings towards Jughead for bankrupting her during the
"Hamburger Helpers" episode.

Ah,
but the joyous scene is soon interrupted by Archie's evil neighbour Mrs.
Schweckner. And, right off the bat, you
can tell that they've made Mrs. Schweckner to be a 1980s version of Miss Gulch
from the Wizard of Oz right down to the bicycle. I guess it's no coincidence that Red happens to be the same exact
breed of dog that Toto was either.

And
sure enough, Mrs. Schweckner hates Red because she claims that Red is
terrorizing her cat Muffin to the point where she refuses to go outside.

Oh,
man...I can see what the crazy old bat means.
Just look how vicious Red is to Muffin!

Of
course, Archie argues the very obvious.
Red and Muffin are BFF's, and Red would never do anything to harm
her. But Mrs. Schweckner is determined
to prove that Red is a mad dog and threatens to take Red away from Archie
leaving Red to drown himself in the bath sigh in frustration.

Wow...this
episode really must have taken a lot of inspiration from the Wizard of Oz! Muffin escapes Mrs. Schweckner's clutches
the same way Toto flees from Miss Gulch.
If a tornado picks up Riverdale Junior High and drops it in
Munchkinland, we're in big trouble!

Well,
no tornado. But the skies did seem
rather dark outside. Sure enough, storm
clouds gather above Archie's house, and Archie and Jughead are working with
Eugene on some sort of infrared sensor camera.
Apparently trash cans are being knocked down all over Archie's
neighbourhood, and Mrs. Schweckner is determined to prove that Archie's demon
dog is the one responsible. So, Archie
decides to recruit Eugene's help to get proof as he trusts Eugene's
brains. That, plus he doesn't meet
Dilton Doiley for another couple of years at least.

The
clouds burst open and torrential rains pour all over Riverdale. And while Archie and Jughead are having a
sleepover in Archie's house, something suspicious happens. Thanks to the flashes of lightning that
happen periodically, we can make out the silhouette of a cat and a dog that
look a lot like Muffin and Red. Uh-oh. This doesn't look good.

Seconds
later, the trash cans outside of Archie's house get knocked over, and we can
see that cords are attached to each one.
Each time a can falls, the camera takes a photo. I hope this doesn't mean what I think it
means.

The
noise is enough to wake up Archie and Jughead, and both of them head outside to
see what is going on - well, after Jughead manages to grab enough pancakes to
serve 20 customers at the IHOP. I guess
Archie's mom wakes up at 2:30 in the morning to start breakfast.

So,
problem #1. Red has broken free from
his chains because Archie is horrible at tying knots (Spoiler Alert: at least
in THIS episode, he is). And problem
#2: The garbage cans are all upset.

Which
leads to problem #3. Mrs. Schweckner must
have woken up early from all the commotion and this time she's brought a friend
with her - the friendly neighbourhood dog catcher. And this time, she has a warrant to lock up Red for good after
she (probably) embellished a story about how Red has rabies and how he wants to
decapitate Muffin with his foaming mouth.

Archie
insists that Red is innocent and that Red and Muffin are pals, but Mrs.
Schweckner is determined to find the dog so that she can teach him a thing or
two.

Luckily,
Archie and Jughead have some allies.
Betty and Veronica have heard about Red being missing and they are
offering to help find him. Now, I must
say, this is nothing new for Betty to be helpful, but Veronica is willing to
walk in the pouring rain to search for Archie's dog? Why, I do believe our spoiled rich girl is softening!

After
a few minutes of looking, Archie spots something red sticking out of a bush
that looks like Red's tail, and all four kids run toward it thinking that
they've found him. Unfortunately, it just
happens to be a beat up old chair.
Fortunately, Mrs. Schweckner makes the same mistake, jumps in the
bushes, and the chair ejects her out of the bush, bruising her...dignity.

And
our friendly neighbourhood dog catcher just laughs, not only revealing his true
allegiance, but proving that not even dog catchers like Mrs. Schweckner!

While
all this is going on, Eugene is in a darkroom trying to develop the photos
taken at Archie and Jughead's place.
Keep in mind that back in 1987, cell phones and digital cameras were not
around, so photos had to be processed the old-fashioned way. And needless to say, we see Eugene try and
fail several times to get any clear images.
And THIS is who Archie entrusted to help with the investigation? Sigh...

Someone
else who HAS joined the search for Red is Hot Dog, Jughead's faithful, but
dopey four-legged companion. After all,
just as Jughead and Archie are best friends, Red and Hot Dog seem to be pals as
well.

But
again, Hot Dog isn't exactly the sharpest tool in the hardware department. Archie thinks that Hot Dog picked up Red's
scent, but really, all Hot Dog does is lead Archie and the gang to a butcher
shop where he's almost as much of a celebrity as Lassie.

And
Mrs. Schweckner arrives at the butcher shop just as the butcher prepares to
give Hot Dog his daily treat.

See,
this is why people HATE you, Mrs. Schweckner.
First you accuse a dog of scaring your cat, and now you steal Hot Dog's
lunch? What are you going to do next,
knock off a liquor store?

Soon
after, Betty and Veronica have spotted a set of footprints that appear to be
from a dog. But Veronica cleverly
deduces that the footprints are too big to match Red's paws.

And
as Betty and Veronica follow the trail, they soon discover that the prints
belong to Hot Dog, who happens to be running around in a circle, tying up
Jughead and Archie in the process. This
prompts Betty to remark that they should stick together if they want to find
Red, and Veronica to call Hot Dog a nuisance.
Ah, there's the old Veronica coming back!

Mrs.
Schweckner has also found the tracks, and she comes across Betty, Veronica, and
Archie, and she is determined to find out where Red and Muffin are. She notices movement in the bushes, grabs
the dog catcher's net, and screams "I GOT HIM!"

Who
she's got is Jughead eating a sandwich.
At least Jughead offers her one.

And
Eugene continues to wish it were 2015 instead of 1987. If it were, he wouldn't continue to have so
much trouble developing the photos that could clear Red's name.

Meanwhile,
Mrs. Schweckner is on her bicycle, and she is determined to find Red so she can
skin him for her new fur coat...or to get answers as to where Muffin went. Or both perhaps. The dog catcher is trying to warn Mrs. Schweppner that she is
approaching a swamp and that it is dangerous to proceed, but the acid-tongued
Mrs. Schweppner blasts him, screaming that he has been on the kids side from
the moment he joined the investigation - which, you have to admit, he kind of
is.

But
Mrs. Schweckner's monologue is quickly silenced as she screams and we see mud
splashing out of the bushes. I'm
guessing dog catcher was right about the swamp after all.

The
sudden noise grabs Hot Dog's attention, and Jughead, Betty, Archie, and
Veronica follow Hot Dog down the hill where Jughead sees Mrs. Schweckner's
straw hat next to the swamp and makes the remark that she melted.

Wow...this
show really DID borrow a lot from the Wizard of Oz, didn't they? Now I expect flying monkeys to come by and
grab all the kids to lock them in a tower.

Instead,
the dog catcher grabs a rope and pulls Mrs. Schweckner from Quicksand Swamp
before Mrs. Schweckner drowns and the show really has to plan a funeral
storyboard.

Back
at Eugene's - after what seems like the 16th attempt to get somewhere, Eugene's
final photo reveals the truth. The
garbage can vandal is none other than Mrs. Schweckner a raccoon! The raccoon framed Red for the crime. Red is completely innocent! So, this leads to the next mystery. If Red didn't do the deed, then where did he
disappear to? And what happened to
Muffin?

Well,
as the sun sets, the kids will soon have their answer. Archie faintly hears a dog barking in the
distance, and Archie runs towards a farm and...

...HOW
THE HELL DID THEY GET TO THE FARM? The show
started in the middle of suburban Riverdale!
You mean to tell me that they walked all the way to the boonies in a
single DAY? Wow...that's either sheer
will power or stupidity. Maybe the dog
catcher gave them a ride?

Anyway,
the source of the barking is coming from a pile of hay, and after Archie jumps
inside to look around, he emerges from the hay with a Cheshire Cat like grin on
his face, which causes Mrs. Schweckner to blow a gasket...

See,
what the show didn't reveal until the end is that Muffin was pregnant and Maury
Povich determined that Red was the father...

...no
wait. Let's try that again.

Muffin
was pregnant and due to deliver her kittens any day now. The father of the children took off for
Albuquerque months ago, and Red stepped in to be Muffin's Lamaze coach. That's why Red was so concerned for Muffin,
and that's why Muffin and Red left.
Muffin wanted a quiet place away from raccoons upsetting garbage cans, screaming
little old ladies on bicycles, and pre-teens who attend junior high to give
birth to her babies.

And
the last frame of the show is probably one of the sweetest endings that I've
ever seen.

Okay,
so aside from the Wizard of Oz references, I really loved this episode. For one, it allowed us to get to know
Archie's dog better. It's nice to see
Red having as big a heart as his owner.

It
was also refreshing to see Veronica act less like a brat and more like a human
being. And Reggie was barely in this
episode at all. Perhaps Veronica should
stay away from Reggie more often.

Finally,
the whole plot itself was sweet and surprisingly realistic for a cartoon
series. Granted, the plot could have
easily been used in an episode of "The Littlest Hobo", but I
digress. It's going to be tough to find
an episode to beat this one as my favourite of The New Archies.

Coming
up next week, Jughead believes that he is cursed. This ought to be good.