Stumbling Through The Adventures And Misadventures Of Dating With God's Grace

Dating…it can be something of a challenge as we get older. Heck, it has always been a challenge for me. I’m at the point in my life where friends now start to tell me about their vacation plans years ahead of time. I’m invited to go…only if at that time I have someone to go with as well. That’s right, I have entered into a Couple Clause. *tick tock*

Has this happened to you?

I honestly didn’t know it had come to this. I had never, at 34 years old (thanks December birthday), thought of myself in this situation. Just like Tim Allen in The Santa Clause 2, I have been given an ultimatum. Although I may not be saving Christmas the sentiment is the same. I cannot pass go without marriage.

Why do other couples do this to their single friends? Has it been so long that they have forgotten what its like to date? Do they want so desperately to see their single friends married for some reason? Is it not possible to be single and Heaven forbid…happy?

I take this all into consideration when this is brought to my attention. Couples doing things. Couples going places. And I understand from a Couples perspective that it can be a bit odd having a Single friend there amongst all the pairs. It’s odd for me too!

The thing is, ALL people are single at some point in their lives. For some it is a little longer than others. And yes, there are those that choose to remain single for the rest of their time on this Earth. The point is to respect that, to cherish the time you can have with them before it all becomes about fitting one another into each others schedules.

God’s timing and plans are far greater than my own. It’s hard enough for me to understand it myself so please don’t make it any harder. Be patient with me, my time is coming and it will be better than anything I could have imagined.

Like this:

“but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

There are days when I get ahead of myself and start thinking that I know what’s best for me. My plans, my way, my life. Yes, there are decisions I make on a daily basis that affect all of that. Yet, when I get ahead of myself and start trying to figure it all out because nothing is going according to plan, I forget whose plan it really is. God’s. He knows me better than anyone, even myself, and He knows what’s best for me. He strengthens me when I lose hope.

I know that some day everything will fall into place where it should be. Where God wants it to be. I’m not going to settle for less than what God wants for me because it is what I want for myself. It just takes a little reminder once in a while, like a silly little Facebook quiz asking questions to find out what my Bible verse is to knock on my head and soften my heart to God’s voice. To be reminded that He knows my call, He hears me, and He wants the best for me. It just may take a little more time than I had planned because He too wants it to be perfect, and doesn’t want me to settle for anything less than the best that He has planned for me.

Sometimes I just have to take baby steps and start by dating…well, myself. I did that today. I know, it sounds a little weird, but it’s something that I’ve been trying to do to open myself up a little more. Take little trips, and do things by myself. Make myself more comfortable in the world outside.

I am typically, just not when it comes to being alone for too long. I don’t know if it’s because I’m screaming in my head, “stranger danger!” or if it’s just because with whatever I’m doing I just want to be left alone. I think I have people fooled that I’m more extroverted than I actually am.

What can I say? I should have been a spy with my skills of deception. On the other hand, days like this can prove to be interesting when I venture out on my own. Today, I went to the movies.

I had to catch up on a lot of the good movies that I have been missing. I almost went for a double feature but decided to catch up on blogging after the first one instead. After all, I’ve been stating that I need to blog more. So this was a prime opportunity as I already had everything with me.

The movie? White House Down. Excellent! It really keeps you to the end on what’s going on and why. A lot of things get blown up, and a lot of people are shot, and killed.

As for my experience, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. In my head I picture couples my age, teenagers, and guys pointing and staring at the girl by herself. Because everyone is focused on me right? Yeah, sure. NOT!

I walked in and got my free frozen drink and they scanned my ticket from Fandango, also free thanks to Christmas, and 20 minutes before the movie I am the only person in the theatre. What the heck is that all about? I must not have gone at the cool people’s time to go. This really sunk in when the only other people joining me in the theatre were couple’s in their 60’s. Even they had a date night!

Once they movie was started and I got relaxed it was actually really nice. I didn’t feel too uncomfortable being by myself. And that’s a good thing. I’ve been dependent a little too long on waiting for others to go and do something.

And that’s not the person I want to be. I’ve made too many excuses for not getting out and having fun. Being comfortable with yourself is a huge step in having confidence to be with someone else. If you don’t like hanging out with yourself, is anyone else going to?

Don’t get me wrong, I like being with just myself, now it’s time for me to start getting in the habit with extending that a little more. To stop worrying what others are going to think, people I don’t even know or interact with, and get on with picking me first, and making me happy.

I call one of my first dates with myself a great one. I even treated myself to coffee after. I shouldn’t really spoil myself too much though, I might get use to it.

Like this:

I don’t know how many times that it needs to be proven to me, as I live in what I consider a small town, even though we’re over 50k people strong, but everyone ends up knowing someone, somehow. And as I have seen in the last few months even the state is starting to get small. The world of country people makes things even smaller.

Someone can be from out-of-state and they will know someone you do. The connections just never seem to stop. This can be a good thing and a not so good thing. Especially when it comes to dating. Which for many reasons is why I tend to not date much. Or even honestly right now not at all.

A lot of people end up dating a friend of someone they dated, or a family member of someone they know. So it makes me careful not to be passed around from friend to friend until the right one fits. I’d like to get it right the first time please.

So what options are there then? To move? To stay single? To just deal with the situation at hand when it’s at hand? All of the above?

Each town or state seems to have the same problem. It’s better for the outsider (or maybe not since you may not know you dated the current guys cousin last week) with the odds than for someone who has grown up in the town. However, if you know the situation, and how your standards are then there shouldn’t be a problem at all. Whether that means being okay with dating your ex’s best friend, and them (the guys) being okay with it too, or if it means limiting your dating pool to one.

For this girl though, unless someone new moves to town, my dating limit is done. That is until I move. Which may have to be sooner rather than later as this fishbowl keeps getting smaller, and the only single guys left who don’t know someone I do, I probably baby-sat.

Why does it always seem that when you’re having a normal working day things can come out of left field and surprise you? This occured the other day while I was putting things away at work. That awkward moment when a guy asks me why I’m single. It seems like such an innocent question at first, yet can truly be more complicated than a simple answer of ” I just am.” They always want to know more. Usually it involves a questioning stare of “what’s wrong with you?”

Secondly, what seemed like an innocent work relationship with my normal sarcasm and wittiness towards co-workers backfired on me. More than once. I’ve been asked out at least five times. These guys are not my typical guys either. Annnnnd it makes it super uncomfortable for me. Why? I am horrible at confrontation and letting someone down, otherwise known as that horrible word. Rejection.

Knowing what I want in life and who I’d like to have in my life with me doesn’t always attract the right guy and situation I’d like myself going towards. I have constantly wondered why this keeps happening to me. What am I doing wrong? Through the help of some awesome friends, and a book I am currently reading, I have learned that somewhere down the line I started undervaluing myself not only in love but in life (that job I’ve always wanted but seem to think I’m not good enough for, and let other circumstances and excuses get in my way).

I let myself be comfortable in situations that don’t necessarily benefit me. I am socially extroverted easily towards people I am not attracted to. I don’t put the pressure of a romantic relationship in the equation. So it’s easy for me to be myself.

Now I know why these guys at work keep coming up to me. I’m relaxed, for the most part, and just being me, because I’m not worried about dating, guys, and the possibilities of what could happen. I’ve even gotten to the point of just telling them “I don’t date co-workers” and even more recently said “I like rodeos, cows, horses, and the country”, and thankfully they agreed it would not be a good match. Also, more than half of these guys were divorced/separated, had baby mama drama, and more than one kid.

I’m okay with kids, and even divorce. When it comes down to questioning my value, I don’t even hesitate to politely show them the door. After the initial embarrassment of it all, that is. By my value (note I didn’t say values) I mean not what I would like in someone else, but what I like in myself, and how I hold myself personally to a standard. Valuing myself first is the key to my happiness, and others will see that. Like I’ve been told, “sometimes you have to pick yourself”.

Yes. This thought has gone through my head more than once. I watch several shows that involve matchmakers. The newest one is Ready For Love. The basis of this I will review over on my Entertaining Is Hard page. For now, back to me.

I have cut myself off of all dating sites in an attempt to become more social and outgoing. Not closed off hermit style in my house like I have been. The hard part about that deal? No money.

I had been running myself so thin that I never had the cash to be able to participate in any activities. I just had the opportunity to sit and be…well…bitter. And that’s never a good place to be. It’s one thing to settle in and have fun at home with someone. Whether that someone is a date or a friend. Having people around makes you feel better. It’s like putting the sun in the darkness.

I’ve been letting myself get a little too comfortable in the dark. That’s not me. So focusing on myself is Plan A. I feel better when I’m in a more organized and fit state of mind, body, and spirit.

Instead of focusing on that I start thinking, also with the suggestion from my mother every time a show like The Bachelor, or Ready For Love comes on, that I should go on it. Heck, nothing else seems to be working. And then within that split second of thinking it, I stop and realize “hell no I’d never be on it”. Too. Much. Drama.

No matter the angle that is spun for a show like that and how much better they are than the show before it. The drama is always there. It’s TV after all. And although most of us are looking for a storybook romance like in the movies, some epic tale to share down the line to others, we don’t always get that. Sometimes we just get normal, and that’s okay.

I can’t help it. I like accents. Or should I say I love them? Especially when a man has one. I mean, come on…it’s just melting.They surround us constantly whether someone is from a different country or within our own country. They just rock. There are however some accents that make me swoon.

Ex: Monica Bellucci, and the rest well, are from old-time Hollywood or in foreign films most of us have not seen.

Just something about these above mentioned accents is awesome. There are a ton more I’m sure if I heard a lot more of I’d love just as much. As I was saying, I am a fan of accents. Words just seem to roll off the tongue better with one.

This even applies to people in the South like Alabama. I have a couple of friends from there that I love hearing from. That drawl gets me every time. And the politeness of the “ma’am” when spoken too. Oh, and if you’ve ever had someone call you “baby” with that accent, it’s well worth it. And probably the only time I have ever liked it.

Being called “ma’am” in Texas within hours of driving into the state and having the door opened for you by a perfect stranger. Chivalry dead? Not everywhere! I think I probably had a goofy shocked look on my face.

No matter where the accent comes from, ( minus some slang, and certain other areas that make the American public look not the brightest) they’re pretty neat. Accents define where you’re from, and add to character. And as we’ve seen in acting are easy to drop or pick up. Kind of.

It’s weird that some people don’t like accents to me. I’ve heard people say that they try to drop their accent because people don’t like it or can’t understand them. Who cares? Let it fly I say! People already give up so much of who they are to fit “the norm” why give that up to? Embrace it.

If someone makes fun, they’re just jealous. And if I ever mimic an accent, it’s because I’m jealous. I LOVE them. If I could be surrounded by accents daily I would. Bring them on world! Let’s keep our cultures alive and well. Differences are beautiful.