aging – kicking and screaming

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Just yesterday I found out that I will have to make a two minute (timed to the second) presentation on my book. It is called an elevator pitch. That two minutes will determine whether or not I will be asked back to do a book talk. I love to write. I love word-smithing. I can go to sleep and wake up in the middle of the night with a fully formed poem, the words having eluded me the day before. I love to take my time and think when I sit in front of my computer – typing as I am, correcting, revising. I am not so comfortable speaking in front of strangers, let alone a large audience. I like to make eye contact. My heart may start to pound and interfere with my thoughts. I may turn red. I may become aware of my hands, my feet, my shoes – and you know about my shoes. My mouth may get dry. I may wish I had a prescription for Xanax.

Once again, my marriage proved serendipitous. Just last week, Phil signed both of us up for ongoing workshops in public speaking. The group is called Toastmasters and I joined last night. Here’s to my Phil for knowing what to do to push me along the way! I was told that my little speech was funny, down-to-earth, honest, and that I used vivid, unique descriptors so I guess I came across as the author of this book, which has been described as honest, down to earth, laugh out loud…I am raising my glass to life!

Have you noticed that your mate is getting crazier and crazier as he ages? Have you realized that you are running low on patience for their nuttiness? My husband truly believes that MY book RAGING AGAINST AGING is all about HIM! He tells everyone, and believes it, that the funniest parts in the book are about HIM. Well, it is true the book is A LOT about our relationship. It is true that SOME of the parts about him are funny. HOWEVER, I guarantee some of the funniest parts are NOT about him – but they do come out of MY brain and mouth!

We are getting presents from our loyal friends and relatives who understand how serious this play is. It is a work in progress but Phil keeps chipping away at it. He keeps revising and listening and revising. Our fabulous actors believe in it. As do the people who saw it at the Port Washington library. Well, people who are supportive are going out of their way to shower us with Marilyn Monroe memorabilia. It is truly lovely for us. And there goes our vows not to accumulate. But really, who cannot accumulate? Life is full of stuff and these gifts are clever and thoughtful and very appreciated! And we are still very much ALIVE!!!

I came home to find my (unproofed) book in my mailbox. It is weird to hold a book I have written. My mother would tell me that my father would be so proud. He revered books. AND THIS WHOLE JOURNEY STARTED RIGHT HERE – on wordpress – in the form of a blog; a blog I started to keep my sanity, or at least the part of it that was left. So thank you wordpress.com. Thank you to the people who invented and perfected the computer. Thank you to Microsoft Words for Word. Thank you to Apple for the MacBook Pro. Thank you to Amazon for filling a void. Thank you to my Oceanside Union School District for providing me with the stories the children told. Thank you to my friends and colleagues for listening and laughing all these years to my stories. You encouraged me without knowing it. Thank you to the School of Hard Knocks for providing me with more than a lifetime of experiences. Thank you to the Facebook group Belarus Genealogy and Ancestral Travel for your outpouring of comments on a small post I wrote on the website. After 76 people responded, my husband told me that post should be a chapter. So, I dedicate chapter 7, JEWISH GENEALOGY to you. Thank you to the Facebook group Yiddish Shmaltz, Shmooze, and everything Jewish. When I posted questions about Yiddish words I remembered but was unsure of, you answered my questions, thus, contributing to my book. They are sprinkled throughout the book as I could not find any good alternatives. Thank you to Pratt Institute for the training I received as a designer. I learned that form must follow function and how to organize space. A book is blank space that needs to be filled and organized. It must serve a purpose. Thank you to Yeshiva of Flatbush for the deep, if rather orthodox and rigid, education. You gave me a fabulous foundation in critical thinking. Thank you to everyone who has touched my life. Whether you knew it or not – I WAS listening!

I made the mistake of going without my cleaning lady. I came home with a top of the line Lindenhaus vacuum. It was very powerful and you did not need to switch to clean floors and carpet. It has two types of brushes and it looked simple to use. True, it was big and a little clunky but you did not have to switch heads. I called my cleaning lady to show her what I thought was the next best thing to a robotic vacuum. Her face sank. She was clearly unhappy. She told me she wanted a Miele. I went back to the store and the fabulous owner exchanged the brand new Lindenhaus model for the tried and true Miele. My cleaning lady THANKED ME and was so happy. It was priceless, really. “Who cleans?” she said: “Me or you?”

I do not know if this is us or our house but we are a wreck. Two grandkids and three days destroyed Phil’s back, my hip and shoulders, and our house. In the first hour, the two kids managed to whip through the house and take out things I did not know I owned. I am roaming my house now like a Zombie picking up things and putting them away. It will take me A WEEK to put back what took them one hour to mess. There are millions of ants now living near or in the carpet in our dining area under the little one’s high chair. I cannot see so it was my grandson who discovered them. I have to get the carpet cleaned and call an exterminator. I have to do all the laundries. I have to sweep, dust, vacuum, and repair a door. I have to peel off star stickers that magically appeared on my walls. I have to refill my first aid kit with band aids and bacitracin. I don’t know where to start and how I will finish. But I think that I volunteered to do this again in a few weeks.

THIS BOOK WILL BE SHIPPED TO ME NEXT WEEK. THEN I WILL GET A DATE WHEN IT WILL BE OFFICIALLY AVAILABLE TO PURCHASE ON AMAZON AND / OR KINDLE.

PLEASE CELEBRATE WITH ME. I AM A STORY TELLER, AND WHILE I AM TELLING THE STORY OF MY LIFE, I RELIED ON SOME OF THE STORIES YOU SHARED WITH ME. I COULD NOT HAVE WRITTEN THIS BOOK WITHOUT ALL OF YOU AND SOME OF YOU I ONLY MET ON FACEBOOK.