Supreme Court Says Corporations Can Spend As Much as They Want on Getting Their Friends Elected

The conservative majority on the Supreme Court reiterated their utterly insane opinion that corporations are people today as they struck down restrictions on campaign spending by corporations in a decision that everyone expected but that is depressing nonetheless.

(A lot of people are reporting that this is good news for unions, but they are generally omitting the important point that Goldman Sachs has a lot more money than the UAW. And, to recap: corporations are people and money is speech.)

Now, corporations can spend as much as they want on ads for or against specific candidates up until election day. This means that commercial TV will soon be nothing but campaign ads for nine months every two years (and presumably every year in places like New York where we hold important elections in odd-numbered years so that local political reporters and bloggers have something to do). As usual with Supreme Court opinions, the dissent sounds a lot more reasonable to a real person than the majority opinion. A real person-person, that is. Not a corporation-American.

The Conservative Justices are all Constitutional Originalists who don't believe in Judicial overreach or legislating from the bench, which is why they completely overturned decades of established campaign finance law and negated previous Supreme Court decisions. Because, you know, it's what the original Framers intended: multinational corporations, unlike black people, are 5/5ths of a person.

Should dissenters Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Stephen Breyer, or John Paul Stevens retire during his time in office, Obama is expected to appoint 3M to replace him or her.