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I found out yesterday that one of my friends lost her 5-day-old daughter. There were no complications with the pregnancy and no indication ahead of time that anything was wrong. She was a beautiful 8-pound baby girl who the world didn't have nearly enough time to love.

As heartbroken as I am, I cannot even begin to fathom the pain and devastation my friend and her husband are experiencing right now. And I am at a complete loss for what to say to bring them any level of comfort. Is there really anything that can be said?

I didn't write this post to be depressing or melancholy. I wrote it because today I am feeling extremely fortunate for my healthy and happy little boy. Tonight when we're eating dinner, he'll throw his food like he always does. He'll probably splash water all over me during his bath, and have his usual meltdown just before bedtime. But tonight I won't get impatient or frustrated or angry. Tonight I will hug him a little tighter and hold him a little longer. I hope you all do the same.

mamacatinar

I don't think that there is ever anything that can be said during a time of loss as devastating as what your friend is going through. I think the most important thing you can do is to be present now and in the months and years to come.

darkchylde13

You can say I'm sorry, I love you, and I'm here for you if you ever need anyone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on. And I will be sure to give my daughter extra hugs tonight, be just a little more patient, and tell her how glad I am that she is part of our family.

kjsmason2010

I lost a 10-week old daughter and I promise that nothing anybody said helped. After a loss some people need people while other's need space. You just let them know you care and are there when they need you. Then you remind them of that every day until things get better. Years and years later it is still hard.

amynance

kjsmason2010 wrote:I lost a 10-week old daughter and I promise that nothing anybody said helped. After a loss some people need people while other's need space. You just let them know you care and are there when they need you. Then you remind them of that every day until things get better. Years and years later it is still hard.

I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I can't imagine that the pain ever goes away, but I hope it has eased some over time.

teckxl8r

Yes, there are things you can say and do. Tell them you are so sorry for their loss. Tell them when you are bringing over dinner/mowing the lawn/whatever. And do it and continue to do it for months to come. Don't be afraid to say her name. It is music to their ears. Don't be afraid to remember her anniversaries and remember her at holidays. They will be remembering too. The thing that grieving parents in this situation want (and I am one of them) is to NOT let their child be forgotten. She will forever be part of their family and hearts. Let them grieve but BE there. It was the silence from friends that killed me. Don't be that guy. speak sweetly, don't say stuff like "you can always have another" as you wouldn't say that if the friend just lost a spouse. And encourage them to find a support group for infant loss. Tell them I said it can be a life saver. Ok, off the soap box. Thanks for the chance to say something!

amynance

teckxl8r wrote:Yes, there are things you can say and do. Tell them you are so sorry for their loss. Tell them when you are bringing over dinner/mowing the lawn/whatever. And do it and continue to do it for months to come. Don't be afraid to say her name. It is music to their ears. Don't be afraid to remember her anniversaries and remember her at holidays. They will be remembering too. The thing that grieving parents in this situation want (and I am one of them) is to NOT let their child be forgotten. She will forever be part of their family and hearts. Let them grieve but BE there. It was the silence from friends that killed me. Don't be that guy. speak sweetly, don't say stuff like "you can always have another" as you wouldn't say that if the friend just lost a spouse. And encourage them to find a support group for infant loss. Tell them I said it can be a life saver. Ok, off the soap box. Thanks for the chance to say something!

We should be thanking you for sharing. This is very helpful information. My sincere condolences for your loss.

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