An open diary on ways to survive the world

Problems

Why does everything bad have to happen to me? Why do things go wrong? Why do I have to be alone. Why do I have to suffer. Why does nobody like me? Why do I fall sick? Why can’t I save any money? Why does it feel like all the worlds burdens are on my shoulders and no one else’s?

I don’t really understand why do I have all these so called, “why” questions but I do know that it is not because I like to question something unfortunate happening to me but because I’m finding it hard to believe it is my truth.

I’ve never ask, why am I in love? Why do I have so much money? Why do I have friends? Why is it my birthday today? Why do people call me beautiful? Why do I like to party?

Nope, those questions seem more positive and thoughtful than the negative “why’s” we face all our lives.

When we face negative things, we want to chose another truth. We wish we could alter something as if we had options but it never happens. But then you would say that altering something would change the face of reality and how will we ever learn to be in pain if we experience none and all those sayings…

But isn’t there any grace or redemption in painful moments like these? Why is it so hard to go through them? And then it struck me; the moments facing up to the situation is much worse than when we actually go through it, and by the time we’re going through it, it’s over. Just like that and the storm seems to have cleared.

I feel like the problems we have in our lives don’t help us tackle the one’s coming next because each problem is different and has different emotional associations but it does remind us that the eye of the storm happens to take place before the real shit storm even begins. The centre of all problems are the thought of having to go through one. The journey is the worst but the destination of a problems seems like the simplest part….almost close to a solution.

It funny how things work, things are more painful in the mind than the reality of the situation. Maybe we ought to give ourselves a breather before the real problem arrives. This way the problem can have a justified feeling of anxiety rather than depriving it of nothingness by the time it arrives.