I began this blog in November 2008. I thought I'd end it after my husband’s death – June 15, 2010 – but my life with Abe continues …

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Esther Altshul Helfgott

Abe’s condition has been deteriorating for the past few weeks. I’ve signed papers for hospice care. He has pneumonia and congestive heart failure. As of a few minutes ago, his heart rate was as high as 160. Temperature, even with tylenol, is over 101.
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Every time I’m asked, as I was today: “How long has Abe had Alzheimer’s?” I say about a decade; but I can’t pinpoint it. Around 2001 maybe, after his hip surgery, when he was vulnerable and couldn’t fight back, but I don’t know. I used to think I was making it up, and why wouldn’t I when he could put together words like these below.
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Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rage at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Though wise men at their end know dark is right, Because their words had forked no lightning they Do not go gentle into that good night.
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In my dream last night Abe didn’t call me back. A whole weekend went by with no word. When I awaken he’s in a nursing home, dead; yet, not dead. Other sick people surround him. Some scream for their children. Some for parents or a lost cat. Another for a sister. Another for a brother. One woman screeches out a song. Abe smiles at everybody. He’s happy. What on earth is he thinking? What does he see?
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I attended the Penny Harvest Youth Philanthropy Summit yesterday at the Seattle Center. Caregiving may keep me from many events, but no way was I going to miss this. My granddaughter’s on the youth board and I went as a chaperone.
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Although I’ve been in favor of Dennis Kucinich’s single-payer health-care plan, I admire his decision to go forward with the president. Abe couldn’t get long-term health-care insurance due to short-term memory loss. This, about a decade ago, after hip-replacement surgery. As recently as a few years ago, I couldn’t buy long-term insurance, regardless of the cost, due to “pre-existing” depression issues entwined with living in an Alzheimer family. Let’s hope new legislation will help others in these …
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Note: This is a seattlepi.com reader blog. It is not written or edited by the P-I. The authors are solely responsible for content. E-mail us at newmedia@seattlepi.com if you consider a post inappropriate..