If this is your first visit, be sure to
check out the FAQ by clicking the
link above. You may have to register
before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages,
select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. Please note - if you do not see a place for User Name and Password plus a LogIn button in the green bar above, please update your browser software.

Blog Comments

You handled the situation fine and its terrible your MIL did not get the hint. Any mother in law should attempt to respect boundaries and privacy for someone that is new to your life. The fact that she kept trying to open your bedroom door after you confronted her only shows she only cared about acting on her own interests and not respecting your privacy.

I think all you can do is be transparent with your boyfriend and be stern with MIL when she crosses the line.

They are his FOO (family of origin) and he knows them better than you ever will despite your years of being around them. Follow his lead in this. You will have to give up on the idea of being one big happy family. With their attitudes, you wouldn't want your future children around them anyway as they are just likely to bash you to your own kids.

Don't worry about what they say to others, if they are believed, they are people you don't want to know anyway.

Live your life in peace with your terrific DH and away from his dysfunctional family.

Yes, they are her grandparents. But that brings no special treatment when they are nasty. Think, would you want her having contact with people who talk to her like that if they weren't related? Of course not. Sharing some DNA does not make them people you want around your child.
Your DH is naturally upset about his mother, but he is supporting his daughter, which is the absolutely right thing to do. Leave things with them alone. They will most likely try to initiate contact with you, but make sure it is on your terms. In a public place, without your daughter.

They have no special rights as grandparents. They were destructive bullies to your daughter. You are all better off without them. Your stress reduction, is telling you something really important. Imagine your daughter having the same stress, but as a child being far less able to cope with it.

Have a wonderful holiday season without mean and destructive people in it.

Sounds like grandparents don't care about their granddaughter's feelings. Maybe you should put them in time out. If they're concerned about DD weight they can talk to you about it, not tease the poor little girl. I say that you, DH, and DD should have a nice family holiday without them this year. Don't let them ruin your Christmas.

And on a side note about DD, maybe now is a good time to start teaching her some good nutritional habits. A six year old shouldn't be worried about her weight and asking if food is fattening. Eating disorders can start at a very early age, so make sure she knows the difference between being skinny and being healthy.

Don't let the ILs stay at your home ever again. This is your DD's home, her sanctuary. To allow the ILs to stay at your home would be telling DD she doesn't matter as you are inviting her bullies into her safe place.

Stop chasing these bullies. There is a reason besides distance that the other grandchildren never see them.

What does your DH/DuH say when MIL behaves this way? Is MIL's name on the deed to the house? If not, she has no claim to the house.

Speak to a landlord/tenant attorney and begin the eviction procedure. Take down MIL's carp from all over your house and put it in boxes in her room. If she puts it back, the stuff goes in the trash. When the eviction date arrives, call the sheriff's department to help evict her. Change the locks immediately.

And, please, stop apologizing to this woman. She views this as a weakness plus, you have no reason to apologize.

Get DH/DuH into therapy with a non-unicorn therapist. He is every bit as much of a problem as MIL. He let her move in and treat you like carp. If MIL ever touches you or pushes you down again, call the police and press charges. Then get an RO, which will keep her out of your house.

Why is your MIL living with you. Is the mortgage in your DH’ and your names? Where is your DH on this? I would give her notice to vacate, whatever notice the law in your state requires. If she won’t leave, have the sheriff or police remove her. Then change the locks on the door and don’t let her in. Remove her crap from your house and put it in a trash bag outside the house for her along with her clothes.

Sorry, but your DH, then DuH, was also to blame. He kissed his mommy dearest on the lips, he assured her that he loved her more than he loved you and even interrupted intimacy to see what she wanted. Even if MIL demanded this, DuH could have told her an emphatic NO.

He married you, made vows to you to Leave-and-Cleave and forsake-all-others but didn't follow through.

Don't hold your breath. When mommy dearest gets old and sick he may revert right back to when he was a DuH. Counseling now.

Your DH is using you as a meatshield for his mother. If he cannot stand to be around her, why should you be put into that position?

Start locking all your doors. Tell her she has to call at least a day in advance and ASK if it would be ok to visit. No telling you she is coming as she pulls into your driveway. Better yet, tell her she has to wait until invited. Then, when she tries to get into your house, tell her it is not a good time and since she didn't call to ask if it was ok to visit or wait for an invitation, she'll have to go home. then step away from the door.

It seems neither you nor DH have given MIL any consequences for her actions. Next time she does something like this, and you know there will be a next time, put her in a three month TO. Second offense and it has six months added on.

I think that you really have no reason to see or talk to your MIL. If your DH can't stand to be around his mother for 15 minutes, why should you have to be around her at all? If I were you I believe I'd block her number from your phone and, a big one, lock your door so she can't walk in.

I think you should move back to your parents' house and take your baby with you. If FIL cannot stand to live with MIL, I don't see why you should. If DH wants his wife and child to live with him he'll have to sort the situation out.

You may find you'll get more responses if you post on the forums. The blogs were added as a new feature when the site software was upgraded but they aren't used much.

I honestly would do a timeout and explicitly tell her that she is being unreasonable. You don't need someone causing problems before the child is born. Mine was horrible too, in different ways. She kept telling people "We're having twins" when my wife was the only one pregnant, like she had anything to do with it. After the 7th month, my wife lost her filter and told her off in front of people.

Your DH needs to have your back and Leave-and-Cleave. You are his priority, not mommy dearest.

They want you to rug sweep and call it forgiveness. You don't have to "forgive" just let them go, cut them off.

Get some individual counseling to help determine what is best for you and only you. Go to the HALL OF FAME forum and read the thread about finding a decent counselor. You do NOT want one of those happy-families-at-all-costs type of therapist or one with their own agenda. H3ll, read all the threads in the HALL OF FAME.

Your problem is as much your DuH as your ILs. You are not his priority, he has repeatedly shown you this.

File at least police reports, if not actual charges against the ILs. Recover their threatening messages and contact an attorney to help you file a restraining order against them.

If DuH still claims you are making things up and his family would never do something like that, dump his sorry a$$ as fast as you can. Then get a restraining order against him as well as he will probably be their flying monkey

DISCLAIMER: All advice on this website is for informational and entertainment purposes only. All responses are from reader submissions unless specifically noted otherwise (such as Dr. Terri Apter advice page). We do not endorse any of the advice. We provide it to you as a service. We can neither guarantee the soundness of the advice, nor make any claims as to the outcome of following this advice. We provide it for your entertainment only. Should you choose to follow any of the advice, it is solely at your own risk. This is not intended to substitute for obtaining advice from appropriate sources and/or professional counseling. We recommend you consult an appropriate professional, counselor, and/or a trusted advisor before taking any action based on this advice. B A Squared, LLC and www.motherinlawstories.com make no representations or guarantees regarding any information dispensed on this site.