In A Dating Desert? 3 Reasons Not To Lose Hope

I don't have any eligible men in my life who I can date. I have learned about so much about relationships in the past two years, but I have no one to share my knowledge with. Even online, I created a profile and came across two profiles for men who seemed interesting. They contacted me and we started to chat but in both times it fizzled away very quickly and we stopped talking.

What is inside me that prevents me from finding interesting men? I tried to release beliefs that there is no one for me in this town and good men are hard to find but still haven't seen any results. To be honest I don't believe my soulmate is living in my hometown but still I can't move out right now and need to practice. HELP.

A First off, let's not make a conclusion when you feel so down. You're not seeing anything clearly when you're discouraged. Of COURSE, you have a soulmate, who could be closer than you know.

A dating desert is just a temporary appearance. Because it's so organic, love could show up any minute. And people doing my work have had it show up in under 10 minutes. So you never know. Good for you to look at your beliefs to see how they are affecting what is or isn't showing up in your life. Your inner belief that is limiting you could be something like:

"There are no interesting, eligible men in this town."

"I'm so picky that I'll never find anyone."

"Online dating doesn't work for me."

Remember none of these are true and your best course of action is to follow these steps:

Work on these beliefs. Look for evidence to the contrary. I am sure there are happy, marriedcouples in your town to remind you that if someone else found love there, so can you. People come and go in your town all the time and you can always meet someone one town over. Remember all of my stories of love being found in the most unlikely places by seemingly unlikely people? Why would you be left out of this? You wouldn't!

Do not do anything that gets you down. I wouldn't pursue online dating since it is discouraging you. One of the biggest mistakes people make is using a temporary dating desert, bad results in online dating or anything on the outside as an indication that you don't deserve love. Nothing could be further from the truth.

You may need to distract yourself for a bit since love is such a hard subject for you. I suggest putting thoughts of love on hold for now, and just do anything that will make you happy. Concentrate on enjoying friendships, enjoying activities that give you pleasure and just getting happy now. It will put you in a better energy for love to come in even when you are not thinking about it.

Kathryn Alice is author of the bestseller Love Will Find You. She has helped thousands of people find love. Find out more about her work at her website: kathrynalice.com.

Kathryn Alice is a leading expert in helping people find the love of their lives & also get over heartbreak. She is author of the bestselling book Love Will Find You & has been featured in Psychology Today, New York Times, Parade, CNN, NBC, USA Today and many other media. Kathryn teaches internationally on 5 continents. She has helped thousands to find love.Find out more about her work at her website.

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1. Angelina Jolie

1. Angelina Jolie. It's no surprise Angie has a wild side between the sheets. But the experience she had at 14 led to some darker moments for the actress. "I had started having sex with my boyfriend at 14 and the sex and the emotions didn't feel enough," she said. "In a moment of wanting to feel closer to my boyfriend, I grabbed a knife and cut him. He cut me back. We had an exchange of something and we were covered in blood, my heart was racing. Then whenever I felt trapped, I'd cut myself. I have a lot of scars. It was an age when I felt adventurous and after a few beers, things happened."

2. Kim Kardashian

2. Kim Kardashian. Before Kim K. was a reality star known for making a sex tape, she was just a 14-year-old virgin who wanted to have sex with her first boyfriend of four years. So who did she tell? Mama Jenner, of course! "I'd say around late 14 or early 15 [I lost it]," Kim said in an interview. "We were sooo in love. I thought we were going to get married. I brought my mom in my bathroom and I'm like, 'Mom, I think I'm gonna have sex. I think I should go to the doctor and get put on birth control.' And my mom was like, 'Okay.' What else was she gonna say?" Safety first, Kim.

3. Matthew Morrison

3. Matthew Morrison. The Glee star held onto his virginity until he was 21, thanks to a high school girlfriend who would suggest praying any time things got too hot and heavy. "It was sweet," he said. "It was innocent." Then, v-card cashed, Matthew took advantage of his odds as one of the few straight guys into musical theater in NYC. "There was so much opportunity," he says. "There were all these beautiful, beautiful dancers. As a straight guy, I had some room. There were the shared interests in singing and dancing, and I always find dancing with someone very evocative and sexual. I definitely hooked up with a lot of girls when I was a young guy on Broadway. It was exciting. Very joyous and free."

4. Tina Fey

4. Tina Fey. It's not a secret that Tina Fey didn't lose her virginity until she was 24. But did you know she lost her v-card to her now-husband, Jeff Richmond? That just doesn't happen very often anymore! "I just couldn't give it away," Tina revealed. "I remember bringing people over in high school to play—that's how cool I am—that game 'Celebrity.' That's how I successfully remained a virgin well into my 20s, bringing gay boys over to play Celebrity."

5. Kelly Osbourne

5. Kelly Osbourne. The newly-engaged star wasn't so much worried about the awkwardness of sex at 13 as she was about the consequences. "I convinced myself I was pregnant," she said. "I hadn't even gotten my period [yet]." Pregnancy scares happen to the best of us, Kel.

6. P.Diddy

6. P.Diddy. If at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again. Diddy knows that lesson all too well. "I tried to lose my virginity when I was seven years old," he said. "I was on top of a girl who was 9 or 10, but it didn't happen—so everybody doesn't have to bug out! [I lost it] when I was 13, and I felt I was a porno star because I'd been watching porn for so long. In the Bronx, you could get a hotel [room] for an hour. I always had $20 or $30 to take a chick to a hotel. I'm proud to say I love sex. You might catch me in a porn store at any given moment—it ain't nothing I'm ashamed of." Thanks for that, Diddy. TMI.

7. Shia Lebouf

7. Shia Lebouf. At age 18, Shia's first time had the actor falling back on his acting chops. "I was trying to portray myself as a man who had done it many times in the past. I didn't tell the girl I was a virgin. I was all, 'Don't worry, babe. I'm gonna handle it tonight,'" Shia revealed. "And meanwhile I was shaking in my boots. Getting naked was very strange. It was the first time I'd been naked in the light, in front of a girl, with no hiding place. I remember putting a pillow underneath her because I had seen that in a porn movie. It put her at a weird angle, where I couldn't get in correctly. I'm not extremely well-endowed and clearly this wasn't the move."

8. Jessica Simpson

8. Jessica Simpson. At 22, Jessica Simpson gifted Nick Lachey with a little celebrity sex on their wedding night. The pop-diva-turned-fashionista had famously abstained from sex until she said "I do." And now, she's embraced her sexual side, having been called "sexual napalm" by ex-BF John Mayer and having two kids with her fiancé Eric Johnson.

9. Nick Cannon

9. Nick Cannon. He married Mariah Carey, who is 11 years his senior. But did you know Nick has been into older women since he was a teenager? The America's Got Talent host lost his virginity at age 14 to an older gal. "We were in a sleeping bag … I said we should change positions, she was like 'just get off me!'" he said. "She ran into the bathroom with all of her friends and they were in there laughing. I vowed from that day forward no woman would ever laugh at me in the sack again. I actually ended up crying at the end of the whole ordeal." No worries, Nick. We're sure Mariah is one satisfied woman!

10. Fergie

10. Fergie. Though Fergie oozes sex appeal, she also knew her virginity was something worth holding onto until she knew she was ready for sex. "I've always been a very sexual person. I've always had to hold myself back," she said. "I lost my virginity at 18. But that took a lot of willpower."

11. Khloe Kardashian

11. Khloe Kardashian. Similar to her sister, Khloe lost her virginity at age 14. But she immediately regretted having gone all the way at such a young age. "I should have listened to my parents," Khloe said. "Don't let anyone pressure you, it's not worth it and how I felt afterward."

12. Daniel Radcliffe

12. Daniel Radcliffe. The man we all know and love as Harry Potter started having sex at age 16, which is the age of consent in England. Kinda weird, right? Radcliffe has said he celebrated his sweet 16 by doing the deed with his older girlfriend at the time. And he didn't even have to put a spell on her!

13. Katy Perry

13. Katy Perry. This singer's first time wasn't as spectacular as fireworks instead it was actually quite normal! Like a lot of teenagers, she reveals to GQ that she fooled around "in the front seat of a Volvo sedan while listening to Jeff Buckley's album Grace."

14. John Stamos

14. John Stamos. It looks like Uncle Jesse learned a few things from his older friend, and the connection stayed!

"I think I was almost 18," John Stamos tells Details, "and none of my friends had really done it yet. I wasn't a geeky kid, but I was sort of...innocent. And then I was driving home with the sister of the bass player from my high school band, and she dropped her keys in my lap—my crotch area—and went to grab 'em. And I thought, 'Oh. This might be on!' And she was this beautiful woman who was maybe five to seven years older than me. So we went to her house, and she was very gentle, and easy, and walked me through it. And it was fantastic! We're still friends."

Photo: Pr.Photos

15. Paris Hilton

15. Paris Hilton. This rich socialite wasn't going to lose her virginity in the back of a car like most teenagers. Her first experience was with Randy Spelling and he spilled all of the details.

"We went to Palm Springs once for the weekend, and we couldn't check into the hotel under her name because her grandma was looking for her," Randy tells New York Daily News. "She was, like, 15; I was 17. And what do you know, I hear this knock-knock-knock on the door, and I look out and her grandma's there. And then I look out the window and I see Paris in a full-on dress with a suitcase running down the golf course. We broke up like a week later."

16. Johnny Depp

16. Johnny Depp. Fame certainly makes you grow up faster, and that's also true for his actor. At the young age of 13 Johnny lost it to a groupie while he was in the band, The Flame. He did the deed in the backseat of a car.

Photo: Pr.Photos

17. Dustin Hoffman

17. Dustin Hoffman. This actor's first time is fitting for a comedy! At age 15, an older woman at a New Year's Eve party mistook "The Graduate" star for his brother. They then went into a dark room and got frisky.

Photo: Pr.Photos

18. Jason Segel

18. Jason Segel. This is another actor who got lucky out of some trickery. The funny man came up with a little white lie to impress the ladies.

"I taught myself to play piano when I was 17 to pick up girls…the first thing I did was I found a really not-that-intelligent girl and I told her that I wrote 'Your Song,' by Elton John. I was like, 'I wrote this for you.' And then I lost my virginity," explains Segel.

Photo: Pr.Photos

19. Russell Brand

19. Russell Brand. The British comedian's first time was done abroad and with prostitutes!

"On day one we went to some sleazy dive. Before long I was sat on a bar stool with a Filipino called Mary-Lou. Then we were leaving in a cab with three Asian prostitutes my dad was drunkenly herding," writes Brand in his book My Booky Wook. “Back in the hotel my dad set about unwrapping his two prostitutes. I sat on the edge of the other twin bed. She must have known I was a virgin as soon as the bungling encounter commenced."

20. Ashton Kutcher

20. Ashton Kutcher. We can't imagine anyone ever describing sex with Ashton Kutcher as horrible. But the actor did use that word to describe his first time at age 18! "It was out in the woods and it was horrible. It was a girl I'd just met who my buddy set me up with," he said. "The whole thing lasted like two seconds. It was really awkward. Two years later, I had sex with her again just to show her that the first performance was a fluke and I'd gotten much better." We're sure Mila wouldn't disagree.

1. Angelina Jolie. It's no surprise Angie has a wild side between the sheets. But the experience she had at 14 led to some darker moments for the actress. "I had started having sex with my boyfriend at 14 and the sex and the emotions didn't feel enough," she said. "In a moment of wanting to feel closer to my boyfriend, I grabbed a knife and cut him. He cut me back. We had an exchange of something and we were covered in blood, my heart was racing. Then whenever I felt trapped, I'd cut myself. I have a lot of scars. It was an age when I felt adventurous and after a few beers, things happened."