'Tis the Season ... to Dodge the Baby Question

If you're having trouble conceiving, the holiday season can be a emotional time of year -- from seeing your friends' children at festive parties to fielding the question "When are you going to have a baby?" from well-meaning (or just plain nosy) relatives.

We asked Jeffrey Fisch, MD, medical director of the Sher Institutes for Reproductive Medicine, to give us some tips on how keep the season as merry and as stress-free as possible. Here, four things to keep in mind:

1. Cut Yourself A BreakThe biggest stressor with infertility is the feeling of loss of control over your own life, and especially your reproductive life, says Dr. Fisch. "You feel like it should be so easy and if you can't do it, there must be something wrong with you, so it's a huge loss of self-esteem," he says.

But the truth is that many people experience difficulties conceiving. And according to a report on the National Institutes of Health website, as many as 1 in 5 couples diagnosed with infertility eventually become pregnant without treatment. So don't get discouraged.

2. Take Time Apart From The CrowdsAlthough your friends and family may be a great resource for support and love during the holidays, you don't need to force yourself to large gatherings if it becomes too painful of an experience.

"Be around the family if you can, but if it's too stressful for you, then don't," Dr. Fisch says. "Instead take time with your partner for a mini-honeymoon to remind you of what brought you together in the first place." The time alone may be the best holiday present of all.

3. Be Good To YourselfYou may be focusing all of your energies on adding to your family, but it's also important not to forget about your own needs. Give yourself a present you've always wanted or just take time to focus on the positive aspects of your current relationship.

"Enjoy your partner and enjoy what you have together," Dr. Fisch says. "Even though you may want a baby and you don't have one this year, you have a partner, or you have a family, or you have other good things in your life. Remember those."

4. Be ProactiveIf you think you may have a fertility problem, go talk to a professional. Schedule an appointment with your OBGYN or a fertility doctor. If you did a treatment and it didn't work and it made you sad, make a new plan for the future.

The bottom line: Don't obsess over your fertility. Work on things you can control in your life, and set goals for those in the meantime -- like getting that promotion or losing those stubborn 10 pounds.

"Having a plan for the future gives you hope to look forward to," Dr. Fisch says. "That's the most important thing you can do."

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