Daily Recap — April 18

Happy Hump Day!

Let’s git ta humpin.

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STILL ON HILLZDAWG’S TRAIL

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Trumpers will have one of two reactions to this piece: cautious optimism or jaded skepticism. Both reactions are warranted, frankly. The cynics have reason to be skeptical. After all, Hillary has gotten away with (possibly literal) murder for years and, still, there she sits, free as a bird.

Then there are those who see the multiple investigations going on and retain hope that they’ll lead somewhere, maybe because Trump is in the White House and he has a way of getting things done in the end. Whatever camp you’re in, I hope you’ll find this information useful.

A group of actually useful, actually conservative Republicans sent a criminal referral to Keebler Jeff’s Justice Department today asking prosecutors to pretty please consider bringing charges against Leakin’ James Comey, former Attorney General Loretta Lynch-Whitefolks, Satan — I meant Hillary Clinton, and others involved in the Hillzdawg email probe.

They also complained that the FBI and DOJ mishandled the pee-pee dossier, as if there’s any proper way to handle it other than immediately tossing it in the trash.

The 11 GOP lawmakers, led by Florida Rep. Ron DeSantis, said the taint of the two matters is so widespread that it demands investigations of Comey, Lynch, Hillzdawg, Deep State McCabe, coochie hero Sally Yates, former acting Deputy AG Dana Boenta, and #NeverTrump FBI lovebirds Peter Strzok and his homewrecker Lisa Page.

“Because we believe that those in positions of high authority should be treated the same as every other American, we want to be sure that the potential violations of law outlined below are vetted appropriately,” the lawmakers said in a referral letter.

Politicians treated the same as normal folk? Ha! I’ll believe it when I see it. At this point, I’ll just take any kind of criminal punishment. Just give me one picture of them in jail stripes so I can make meme magic. That’s all I friggin ask.

They said Comey should be investigated for allowing politics to influence his decision not the recommend charges against Hillary for her email “misuse,” and fo”possibly” leaking classified information in memos he indirectly fed to the press after he was fired last year.

They added that Hillary deserves investigation because her campaign and the Democratic National Committee didn’t disclose that they paid for the research that produced the salacious Steele dossier, the lawmakers said.

How about that time she transmitted Special Access Program (one of the few classifications above Top Secret) info so that every two-bit dictator with wifi could sit back and read out nation’s most sensitive secrets? And how about when she destroyed a truckload of evidence after it was subpoenaed by Congress?

How about Comey giving her entire inner circle immunity, and allowing Cheryl Mills – a witness, if not a subject, of the investigation – to invoke attorney-client privilege on behalf of Hillary in order to thwart the FBI’s attempt to inquire into the procedure used to produce her emails to the State Department. And then allowed Mills TO SIT IN ON THE FRIGGIN FBI INTERVIEW DESPITE BEING A PRIME TARGET IN THE CASE.

Is any of that worth looking into, fellas? Do you think the FBI does that for everyone who’s under investigation for violations of the Espionage Act? I’m sure it’s standard operating procedure, right? I’m sure guys like Mike Flynn would be given the same treatment. Except he wasn’t, and for far less of a crime, if any.

God, this makes my blood boil.

Lynch-Whitefolks, they said, may have threatened reprisal against an FBI informant who raised questions about Hillary’s activities as Sec. of State. Though that informant wasn’t named, they’re almost certainly referring to William Campbell, the Uranium One informant who was gagged by the DOJ under threat of criminal prosecution if he discussed anything about the case.

That’s normal, right? Right.

Deep State McCabe was dinged for having been found to have lied to Leakin’ James and to both Justice Department and FBI investigators about his own leaks to the press.

Strzok and Page, they argued, should be probed for their roles in the Clinton email investigation. You reckon? You think maybe the fact that Strzok was the guy who interviewed both Hillary and Mike Flynn during their investigations, yet arrested Flynn for supposedly lying about something that wasn’t even a crime while allowing Hillary to lie her ass off about things that actually were, should be investigated?

I think so too. In fact, I’m pretty confident that all of Trump nation has felt that way since last year.

I’m telling you folks, the more I type, the closer I come to punching a hole in something.

And finally, they asked for a catch-all probe into anyone at the FBI or DOJ who approved surveillance on former Trump campaign foreign policy nerd Carter Page, based in part on the pee-pee dossier.

The referral joins a request from Chuck Grassley and Twinkletoes Graham, who earlier this year asked Keebler Jeff to investigate Christopher Steele, the former British spy and author of the dossier.

Grassley, chairman of the Judiciary Committee, and Graham, chairman of the Guys Who Aren’t Gay We Swear Committee, said Steele misled the FBI by pushing the contents of his dossier, even though he has since said in a court case in London that he doesn’t have confidence in much of his reporting.

Lean in and listen close, Twinkletoes. I’ll fill you and your super sleuth buddies in on something — the FBI didn’t mind being misled. They knew it was all BS from the start. They needed Steele’s name to pass it off as a legitimate intel product and thereby attain a FISA warrant. That’s the “insurance policy” that Strzok and Page were discussing in those text messages IG Horowitz leaked.

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MY TAKE:

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As you could tell by the tone of this piece, I find myself in the cynical camp lately. However, that’s not to say that I’m convinced nothing will ever happen. If not for the presence of Donald J. Trump in the White House, I would’ve lost hope long ago.

But one thing — the first thing — you need to know about PDT is once you’ve gone for a killshot on him, you best not miss. When you become his enemy, you stay that way until he wins. That’s how he’s always been and I don’t foresee that changing anytime soon, especially when the stakes are this high.

I don’t have much faith in the GOP. Who in their right mind does? But this saga is far from over. In fact, it won’t be over until Trump has his victory, whether it takes one year or seven.

#ThatICanTellYou

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ONE BADASS WOMAN

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This piece is overdue.

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It turns out the pilot who coolly landed a crippled Southwest Airlines plane after a blown engine sent shrapnel through one of the jet’s windows mid-flight is a stone cold BAWSE and has been for a while.

Tammie Jo Shults wasted no time rapidly lowering the plane toward safety when chaos broke out shortly after takeoff yesterday from New York — maintaining her composure even as passengers reported from the cabin that a woman had been partly sucked out of a shattered window.

“We have part of the aircraft missing, so we’re going to need to slow down a bit,” Shults calmly told air traffic controllers in audio transmissions after reporting the aircraft’s engine failure.

“Could you have medical meet us there on the runway, as well? We’ve got injured passengers,” Shults requests.

The air traffic controller then asks her whether her plane is on fire, to which Shults calmly replies: “No, it’s not on fire, but part of it’s missing. They said there’s a hole, and — uh — someone went out.”

There aren’t many men who could maintain complete calm under those circumstances.

Tragically, the passenger she referred to as being “sucked out” was killed: an Albuquerque, NM woman identified by her family as Jennifer Riordan, 43. Seven others suffered minor injuries.

As tragic as that is, though, most everyone agrees that the casualty count for Dallas-bound Flight 1380, which had 149 people aboard, would have been much higher had it not been for Shults’ quick thinking during her emergency landing in Philadelphia.

Those aboard described a horrific scene after the engine blew and shattered the jet window. The cabin suddenly depressurized, and Riordan was partly sucked out of the open window. Eyewitnesses say a group of passengers leaped out of their seats to pull her back in.

“There were several heroic gentlemen who pulled her back through the window and administered CPR,” one passenger said.

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TURNS OUT SHULTS HAS BEEN A BAWSE FOR MANY YEARS:

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Shults’ calm under fire isn’t something she just discovered. She largely relied on her fighter pilot training — and her history of defying the odds — to safely land the Boeing 737.

She’s a 1983 graduate of MidAmerica Nazarene University in Olathe, Kansas, receiving her degree in biology and agribusiness, said Carol Best, a spokeswoman for the university. But as respectable as those professions were, they just weren’t BAWSE enough. And so she decided to take to the unfriendly skies.

She became one of the first female fighter pilots in the U.S. military and was among the first female pilots to make the transition to tactical aircraft after completing flight training in Pensacola, FL; the same place I trained as a spook, incidentally.

In addition to being among the first female fighter pilots, Shults was the first woman to fly an F/A-18 Hornet for the Navy. Afterward, she trained military pilots before ultimately being hired as a pilot for Southwest.

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I know this type of biographical piece isn’t normally what you find in the Daily Recap, but she should have gotten her due in yesterday’s piece, therefore I’m making up for lost ground.

Simply put, Shults is a badass, more so than most men in the world. She became a fighter pilot at a time when women were met with a lot of resistance in the military for any job at all, much less one such as that she pursued.

She was a hero long before she ever climbed into the cockpit yesterday and it’s a shame that she hasn’t received proper recognition before now.

Better late than never.

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BROWARD COWARDS EXPOSED ANEW

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While everyone on the Left seized on the Parkland shooting to grab everyone’s guns, little attention was paid to the cowardice of those who could’ve prevented many of the casualties until long after the fact. Now, it appears that we may be finding out more information about the cowards who stood by as kids were slaughtered in the hallways of their school.

A judge has ordered Broward County Public Schools to release additional video taken outside Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School on the day of the shooting.

The order was issued today after lawyers for several news organizations, including the Miami Herald and Fake News CNN oddly enough, successfully argued that the video footage should be made public.

The lawyers for the school board and the Broward County Sheriff’s Office argued that the release of the videos could jeopardize the prosecution of Nikolas Cruz and hinder school security.

However, Circuit Court Judge Jeffrey Levenson, in a glorious explosion of common sense, found the videos did not directly relate to the prosecution of Cruz and would not adversely affect school security. It will, however, affect that sleazy leftwing sheriff that couldn’t wait for bodies to be interned before he began his NRA-bashing crusade in the propaganda media.

Today’s ruling applies to five of Marjory Stoneman Douglas’s nearly 70 cameras. Some of the footage will be redacted.

The media groups said the video could shed light on the police response to the shooting. Last month, the court ordered video from some of the outside cameras be released.

School Resource Officer Scot Peterson resigned after it was revealed that he stood by directly outside while shots were ringing out. He released a statement through his lawyer, saying he was unsure where the gunfire was coming from, and that he was “no coward.”

Here’s a hint, Scot. THE SHOTS WERE INSIDE. GO IN AND INVESTIGATE UNTIL YOU FIND THEM.

Peterson wasn’t the only coward, however. Records show that not one Broward County sheriff’s deputy entered the school until 11 minutes after the shooting began, despite having several officers nearby. They waited until the coast was clear and then decided to be cops. That’s the truth.

The sheriff’s office has until May 2 to appeal the judge’s decision, which they almost certainly will. I don’t see where they have much of a case, though. They would have to demonstrate that it would affect prosecution of the case and there really isn’t an argument to be made in that direction.

Just release the damn footage. It’s not like we don’t already know what happened.

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TRUMP HOSTS ROCKET MAN’S NEIGHBOR

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PDT welcomed Japanese PM Nintendo Teriyaki to Mar-a-Lago today to discuss a wide range of issues, but mostly Rocket Man.

They addressed efforts to deter North Korea’s nuclear and missile programs and praised each other’s steadfast determination to make sure that little Pyongyang fruit loop doesn’t get long range nuke capacity.

Earlier today, PDT confirmed CIA Director and Secretary of State nominee Mike Pompeo met directly with Lil Kim over the Easter holiday. PDT said the U.S. is working on details of a meeting between the leaders of both our countries.

Separately today, the finance ministers of the G7 countries — which include the U.S. and Japan — said the nations “remain committed to the complete, verifiable, and irreversible denuclearization of the Korean peninsula.” In a statement, the officials said they will keep putting pressure on Pyongyang through economic sanctions, which by all accounts appear to be working.

In addition to national defense discussions, Trump and Teriyaki also addressed potentially re-entering the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP) trade agreement.

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This news has thrown the reactionary faction of the Trump base into a complete tailspin as always, but everyone needs to take a step back from the ledge and breathe a bit.

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NO, TRUMP IS NOT CONSIDERING REJOINING THE SAME TPP DEAL HE RAILED AGAINST DURING THE CAMPAIGN.

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Rather, he has expressed a willing to reconsider our membership IF we can secure more favorable terms for our country. Newsflash, folks, that’s his position on every trade deal on the planet. If it can be reworked to our advantage, he’s all ears.

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The headlines regarding this matter may as well read, “Trump Still Looking To Improve Trade Deals.”

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Now, you folks who have been panicked by the TPP news since yesterday, don’t you feel just a little bit silly? Seriously, calm down already. Everything will be ok.

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BIG PICTURE:

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Japan is a very important ally at the moment. As much as we’re committed to preventing Rocket Man from achieving his nuclear ICBM capacity, Japan is equally devoted.

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The reason is simple. Koreans don’t like the Japanese either. They have a bit of a history together. And to be fair to the Koreans, they have reason to hold a grudge. The Japanese have traditionally been a very, very brutal war machine. Basic decency was a foreign concept to their warriors, as they impaled Korean children on stakes, committed mass rape of Korean women and ravaged the Korean forest so badly that it struggles to recover to this day.

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This is the real world, though, and we don’t have time to be concerned with Japan’s karma. We need to outsource this job so as to minimize the risk to American troops as much as possible. Japan is much closer to the Korean peninsula and has just as much a stake in denuclearizing Lil Kim as anyone. We’re stupid not to take advantage of that fact.

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As the saying goes, Japan may be an a-hole, but right now they’re our a-hole. The more guns we can put to Rocket man’s head the better.

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And at the end of the day, that’s what today’s meeting was really about.

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TRUMP CHOOSES THE PEOPLE OVER THE FAKE NEWS

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PDT will be in Washington during this year’s White House Correspondents’ Association dinner — Washington, Michigan, that is.

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The Trump campaign announced yesterday that PDT will hold a campaign rally in Washington Township on Saturday, April 28, at 7 p.m. ET, while the White House press corps engages in their annual masturbatory exercise disguised as a celebration of the First Amendment.

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This will be PDT’s 11th rally in Michigan, as well as his fifth rally in the Detroit area, since he announced his candidacy for president back in June 2015. It’s an area that has been very good to him, as he was able to wrangle the working class from the Democrat party to take a state that had been firmly in coochie hands for decades.

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“While the fake news media will be celebrating themselves with the denizens of Washington society in the swamp that evening, President Trump will be in a completely different Washington, celebrating our national economic revival with patriotic Americans,” Trump campaign chief operating officer Michael Glassner said in a release.

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The choice of Washington, MI as the venue for the rally is no accident, and is actually quite brilliant. It’s meant to create the narrative of “the two Washingtons,” with PDT on the side of the average working class American while the elite wine and cheese crowd in D.C. gets together to pat themselves on the back. It’s very effective from an optics standpoint.

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Not everyone in the Trump administration got a pass, though. Many members of the Trump crew are slated to attend the dinner as invited guests.

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Margaret Talev, the president of the White House Correspondents’ Association, issued a statement last week saying PDT will not attend the dinner, but added that “he will actively encourage members of the executive branch to attend and join us as we celebrate the First Amendment.”

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If by “celebrate the First Amendment” she means schmooze with politicians to set up pipelines for leaks, sure, they’ll be doing that in spades.

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Talev also said Sarah Sanders will be seated at the head table during the dinner. I guess we can expect her to be the target of many of the night’s jabs, which isn’t exactly new territory for her. But as always, I’m sure she’ll handle the little commies properly.

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The ghosting of the annual media orgy is becoming a sort of tradition for the Trump White House; one that his base no doubt appreciates heartily. This is the second year in a row that PDT has held a campaign-style rally in place of attending the White House Correspondents’ Dinner.

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Last year during the dinner he spoke in Pennsylvania, another battleground state that he won in 2016. He made fun of the drab, boring and self-congratulatory atmosphere of the WHCD and contrasted it to the raucous rally he was holding for working class Pennsylvanians, which really was rockin’.

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PDT is smart enough to know where his bread is buttered, and that’s with former Democrats. He can absorb the loss of #NeverTrump tittybabies so long as he maintains his wrecking ball for the so-called blue wall.

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PDT knows who he is, which is the working class POTUS. He’s going to capitalize on that image every chance he gets as Dims fight to regain what they used to take for granted. We can expect to see more of these type rallies in former Dim strongholds leading up to the November midterms and into the 2020 presidential election.

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It’s smart politics and, if done correctly, can be very hard for Dims to overcome.

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Go get ’em Mr. President!

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There it is, homeskillet. You know the drill: questions, comments, concerns, memes, insults, compliments, stickers, jokes, emojis and, if we have time, complaints.

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