Mayor Miller: Cyclists in Toronto have it easier than at any time in the city’s history. Today on Bloor street, many personal friends of mine are willing to literally lift a cyclist from the road and carry them along for a certain distance on their automobiles. Bikeplan? That’s just paper. I’ll give you a bikeplan you can believe in (grabs Ed by the neck and strikes his skull repeatedly with bare knuckles). Nyuh! Nyuh! Nyuh!.

Mayor Miller: Support? I’ll show you support (activities of Mayor Miller are blocked from view by Don Wanagas’s thick tweed coat, which is whipped out and held in front of the Mayor’s lower half).

Marcus Gee (Toronto Globe and Mail and Car Advertiser): Pardon the loutish shenanigans of my lowbrow colleagues, Mayor Miller. My question is far more germaine to the real concerns of “real” Torontonians. It’s been said that you are a member of the NDP and a socialist. What are you personally going to do to refute these nefarious rumours, and to ensure that no socialist ever be elected to the mayor’s office in the future?

Mayor Miller: To answer that question, I would like to turn to a member of my Executive Council, Councillor Paula Fletcher. Paula?

Paula Fletcher: A politician’s past should not have a bearing on their activities of the present. That said, when Mr. Miller launched his campaign I was among the first to warn him he’d better quit the NDP and disavow his connection with them. I can tell you, no socialist will get anywhere near the mayor’s office in this city. Not now and not in the future. The mayor’s office will be relegated to the dustbin of history before that happens.

One Response to “David Miller declines to seek re-election for a third term, ALLDERBLOB takes the hard questions”

This reads like a screenplay for FUTURAMA and would be even more hilarious if animated as such. But really, the man has done more for Toronto than I can think of Last-Man ever doing that didn't cause us a national embarrassment or happen in dimly lit back rooms with hell's angels members.
Toronto has become a better place since he's been in office, but I fear what will come of cyclists should a right-winger get in and start mandating spiked bumpers and razor grills on all motor vehicles in the city limits. I can already see Stintz, flooring the gas and chases a cyclist, "I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too! AHAHahahAHHAHAhahaHaaaaaa!!!"