The ‘List’ Factor

This is last exclusive post on the ‘event of my life’, the PMA incident mentioned in this post. In that post I also mentioned that the first three incidents in quick succession were followed by worsening of Pakistan India relations and that I saw the ‘list’ factor in all that. This post is about explaining the ‘list’ factor. It is difficult for me to pinpoint the time, I reached on these conclusions/delusions. Most were reached in my first psychotic phase in 2005 and I believed them as convictions in 2009.

But first of all about the list and the so called Indian spy thing. I have very faint memory that some one told me that SM Farman [Indian spy] had become AWOL (absent without leave) from PMA. I never gave any thought to that. In 2004, an officer told me that he was captured at Pak-India border. The thing that he was an Indian spy and had prepared a list of officers alarmed me. He had served in the premium training institution of the Pakistan Army for many years. He had developed some tactics to grade the officers as discussed in this post. In some posts I have casually mentioned that he [Indian spy] defected to India. I think that his whereabouts remained unknown for a while and he was later captured. The ‘list’ part only makes sense if he was captured. I was indirectly responsible for his capture. My ‘weeping face’ might have panicked him. It linked my name with the Indian spy and the list.

At first I believed that the Indian spy was an Indian or Hindu in disguise. This may be the view of many people who knew of the incident. Gradually I developed another theory that I narrated in this post. I think he was recruited by India along the way. I was told about the incident after about 8 years. I am mentioning this incident after whopping 14 years. If it was relevant after 8, it is relevant after 14 years. The officers that the so called Indian spy might have graded are now senior Majors and up in Pakistan army hierarchy. The tussle that I envisioned between the good and bad elements in army is going to heat up with time. I know nobody would acknowledge that.

For India, her valuable spy was captured. The list and information that would have been in Indian hands ended up in Pakistani hands. Some information might have been transmitted to India as well. Pakistan did not raise the issue on diplomatic level. I thought that people who got hold of the information from the Indian spy were stunned by it and decided to keep it a secret. Both countries carried out nuclear test in May 1998, one after another. The tension between the countries rose to new and dangerous level. I am against the nuclear arms on moral grounds. The nuclear ambitions of both countries have consumed tremendous resources at the expense of health and education of respective countries. The Indian subcontinent remains one of the poorest regions in the world. Pakistan has one of the lowest literacy rates among the third world countries even. The two neighbors equipped with nuclear arms are like two scorpions in a bottle, each capable of killing each other but at the risk of his own life. Despite this, Dr Abdul Qadeer Khan, the so called father of Pakistan’s nuclear weapons, is worshipped like a hero.

Then came the Kargil conflict that took place between the two countries in May to July 1999. I thought that it was fought in the backdrop of PMA incident. I thought that the battle was fought over ‘me’. What was the motivation of officers and men who took part in the conflict? What was the urgency on the part of Pakistan in going into this conflict? I thought that majority or all of the officers who participated might have been under close watch of the Indian spy. They though that valuable information about the real value of thousand of officers was in Indian hands. Specifically I believed this to be the case for Captain Karnal Sher Khan who was martyred in the conflict. He received Nishan-e-Haider, Pakistan’s highest gallantry award on the recommendation of the Indian Army. The Indian account of events at Wikipedia is worth reading. Pakistan decided to strike first before India thrust Pakistan into war. I thought that my first name played a role of religious fervor in the conflict. The battle of ‘Badar’ is the first battle fought by holy prophet Muhammad (PBUH).

Then I also developed another theory about the events. This I developed as a tussle between good and bad (evil) forces/elements. I thought that the bad elements were in control in the Pakistan Army when the Indian spy was captured. They immediately realized the repercussions. The top brass in the army decided to avail the opportunity. They decided to get rid of young, good officers. They motivated them and made them fight against heavy odds. They fought selflessly with great courage and fervor. There were stories in the army that officers and men who fought in the conflict had to bear serious shortage of ammunition and food. It is rightly called Kargil debacle in some circles. In my opinion it proved to be a double-edged sword. Did officers and men fight on the assumption that valuable information was in Indian hands whereas it was in possession of Pakistan? I thought it was precisely the case.

On 12 october 1999, PM Nawaz Sharif dismissed Gen Pervez Musharraf and appointed ISI chief Lt Gen Ziauddin Butt, from Engineers Corps, in his place. Pakistani army, led by General Pervez Musharraf launched a coup and took control of the country. Later I thought it was an attempt to cover-up the Kargil debacle. I thought that the top brass of army wanted to take control of the political affairs of the country. For that, a case was build up gradually. PM Nawaz Sharif was portrayed as a civilian dictator. Had he appointed some one from fighting corps, nothing would have happened. It is pertinent to note that while Gen Pervez Musharraf was determined to take Nawaz Sharif to gallows, he showed flexibility to Ziauddin Butt. I thought it to be a double game by ISI (Inter-Services intelligence) of astonishing magnitude. PM Nawaz Sharif played into the hands of intelligence agencies, especially ISI. To my eyes, the coup was very well planned and executed.

On 13 December 2001, militants attacked the Indian Parliament. Fourteen people including five militants were killed. India blamed Pakistan based groups for the attacks. India mobilized and deployed its troops along the border. Pakistan followed suit. This was the largest buildup on the subcontinent since the 1971 war. I thought that it was an attempt by India to respond to the Kargil adventure by Pakistan. I thought that I became some sort of symbol or icon in army after PMA incident and Kargil conflict. I thought that I was purposefully kept away from border by posting me in a static unit. I thought that the Indian focus would be to kill me in some battle. I now know that they were all mostly delusions. I also visualized that the standoff united the good and bad elements in the army and I somehow became their common icon.