Friday Fictioneers — Him with the Dog collar

Genre: Humour
Word count: 100

~~HIM WITH THE DOG COLLAR~~

Susanna thought her husband, the Reverend, the worst public speaker in the universe. Whenever he climbed into the pulpit, he underwent a personality change: those unfunny anecdotes, the sepulchral voice, and the platitudes.

To cure her boredom, Susanna thought not of God but of shoes. Even vicars’ wives like to dream about shoes, especially in Lent when temptation expands in proportion to self-denial. Sometimes her frustration spilled over into an angry confession, and the Reverend told her, “It’s the Devil who distracts you with shoes, my dear.”

True, she couldn’t wear her sandals anymore due to her feet turning cloven.

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Author: Sarah Potter Writes

Sarah is a British eccentric who writes offbeat fiction, haiku and tanka poetry. She's into nature, gardening, and natural health. Her sociability is something that happens in short bursts with long breathing spaces in between.
View all posts by Sarah Potter Writes

Dear Rochelle,
I always so enjoy making you laugh, but hope I didn’t cause you to spill your coffee! There’s something in the air at the moment that’s compelling me to write funny rather than dark stories. I guess it’s a sort of madness come over me that helps me banish my potential blues over how surreal the world has been of late. Who knows?
All best wishes,
Sarah

Thank you, Magaly. With glee, I hear your cackles 🙂 The end came as a surprise to me, too. I love being a pantser rather than a plotter when it comes to writing, as it’s such fun when my fictional characters hit me with a twist I wasn’t expecting.

Hey Russell, what a compliment from the King of Humor! I’m glad my humor doesn’t seem to get me into trouble as much as it did in my school days. I was raised on a Brit diet of Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, Jaspar Carrot, and Dave Allen. I’m guessing this had a big influence.

I’m sure it did. I watched a lot of those same shows. Probably my biggest influence though was the cartoons I watched as kid. Shows like Rocky & Bullwinkle, Underdog, and Popeye had a lot of underlying adult humor.

They say you are what you eat. The same is true for what your brain ingests. At least that’s my excuse.

I ought to check for my own cloven feet; the sight of those shoes instantly provoked the cardinal sin of Envy… 🙂 As does your flair for stories that end in the perfect punch! p.s. my new site is up; hopefully I’ll be adding more to it soon!

Thanks, Sunshine 🙂 I didn’t have a problem with Envy, as I took one look at those shoes and thought of not provoking my slight bunions into huge and crippling ones!
Oooo, I must check out your new site…

Found it! I’ve just followed. At a glance, it looks good, but I’ll have to save a catch-up read of posts for next week, as am near to the end of my computer session for the day and don’t get much spare time during the weekend for blog reading. Will look forward to it 🙂

Thank you, Sarah 🙂 Indeed, shoes are necessary, although when you’re dreaming of buying up every shoe in your size, in every colour, in every shop you can think of, then you have a problem … and so does the vicar, unless he cuts down his sermons to one minute only 😉

It’s annoying when comments disappear, especially if they’re long one. I’m glad you loved this story, Dale. Nobody was expecting the cloven feet. They kind of took me by surprise, too. Just to put your mind at rest, I don’t have cloven feet, despite sometimes dreaming of shoes during sermons!

If I do dream about shoes, it’s always sensible, super-comfortable shoes such as Birkenstocks, Vans, and FitFlops; not girly glitzy ones that would cripple me! No fashion is worth it, however attractive looking, if it causes foot ache, knee ache, and backache D: