How To Not Be Clingy

This One Trait Might Be Killing Your Relationship

To ensure you’re not a stage-five clinger (or stage-one for that matter) O’Reilly and I (but mostly O’Reilly, since she’s the expert) have put together a checklist to assist you. By applying our five rules below and avoiding the four bullet points above, you should be golden with your girl. (It’s important to note that these rules apply to everyone and shouldn’t be divided by gender. So if your girlfriend gets a little, let’s say, “magnetic,” perhaps you should send her the link to this article in an innocent and unassuming way.)

Make your own plans. You can’t depend on a partner to set up “play dates” for you.

Encourage your partner to hang out with friends without you by their side. Designate a girls’ or guys’ night out once a week or every few weeks.

Have a conversation about how much time you want to spend together. You don’t have to agree on everything, but offering an explanation can help to avoid assumptions and hurt feelings.

Spend time apart when you’re socializing as a couple. You don’t have to remain shoulder-to-shoulder at parties and events just because you’re dating.

Take your cues from your partner. How often do they call when you’re out with your friends? Follow their lead.

You may be saying: “Thanks, AskMen, this is great, but unfortunately it’s too late. I’ve already shown my partner that I’m a total clinger – is there anything I can do to remedy this?” Well, AskMen reader, we’re glad you asked.

“Just because you have acted one way in the past does not mean that you will repeat yourself in the future,” O’Reilly asserts. “If your partner has expressed that you’re a bit clingy, acknowledge their feelings and offer to adjust your behaviour.” To aid in making said adjustment, O’Reilly suggests offering a truthful (but not creepy) explanation, something like “I feel more confident with you by my side,” to open the lines of communication. Just don’t say something that you’d hear in a poorly written romantic comedy, be sincere.

If you’re coming on a little too strong, take a look at the checklist above, and put forth a plan based on these guidelines. Have a chat, see where it takes you, and work toward being the best partner you can be. Or, you know, end things. It’s up to you.