Pirate Master 6/14 Recap: The Pirates are Turning English?

Ahoy maytees! Tonight we are gathering for hopefully some swashbuckling fun as we determine what landlubber will be sent back to reality. So far, I have been impressed with this show. Granted, itís Survivor on a boat with less strategy and a lot less food and luxuries. Last week the crew started to get upset with their captains commands and the fact that he was hording money and food for himself. No one tried for mutiny and Christian was sent on his way in a tiny raft were he more than likely had his eyes pecked out by sea birds as he roasted in the scorching heatÖor he boarded another boat and is living it up in the lap of luxury. What will the pirates have to do tonight? Will there be any pillaging and plundering? Will 2 bottles of rum be enough to get me through this show?

Tharís a storm brewiní
Louie is talking with some of the other crew and he thinks they made a huge mistake in letting Christian go. He calls him his brother and says that he misses him already. Maybe he could send him a message in a bottle and tell him his feelings. He is ready to boot Captain Joe Don when the time arises. Some of the crew like the order the captain provides and enjoy having him as the leader. The crew is dividing on what needs to happen and that can only mean this will be the least dramatic show ever.

The crew gets up early to send the ship to sea. Jay has a little chat with the captain to make sure their pact is still good. The rest of the crew hangs out and does traditional pirate activities, they apply eye makeup to each other. I am sure real pirates spent the better part of their afternoons doing the same thing. It would be blasphemous for a pirate to be seen without properly applied eye makeup. The Horror!

Captain Joe Don assigns jobs to everyone for the launching of the ship and they all seem to obey with little grumbling and the ship is finally off. Everyone seems to be getting the hang of life on the ship. We then get a nice little montage of crew talking about being a ďmodern dayĒ pirate. What that is, I donít have a clue. Do they like to go around and steal from others? Maybe they wear excessive eye makeup with funny costumes and that makes them a modern day pirate. I guess I will never know.

Gettiní some booty
Its challenge time and the captain and his officers will lead the black team and the rest will be on the red team. The black team is Joe Don, Cheryl, Ben, Sean, Joy, Alexis and Laurel. The red team is Jupiter, Kendra, Christa, Nessa, Jay, Azymyth, and Louie. The winning team gets to keep all the treasure and if the red team wins, they select a new captain. Each team hops in their longboat to get to shore.

Both teams reach shore at about the same time but the red team takes a lead when Alexis on the other team takes a leisurely stroll through the water. The red team is off through the woods with Azmyth taking the leadership role for their team. Red team reaches the sabotage first and uses it against the black team. A bamboo tunnel collapses on them and most of them go down like shots of rum at a pirate gathering. The evil part of me laughs really hard at this.

Sean is the hero for the black team by supporting the main beam and allowing his team to make it through with little slowing them down. The red team reaches the raging river where they must locate the skull with the key to the treasure. The water is moving fast and it looks pretty deep but alas, no one gets swept away. Louie dives into the water and locates their skull and key. Jay is very excited and the team heads off to the waterfall to get their treasure. Meanwhile, the black team is still looking and I can see the panic in Joe Donís eyes.

Louie gets the treasure chest and yells something about this being for his brother. The rest of his team seems to ignore him. Personally, if Christian was a real brother to him, he would tell him to cut his horribly nasty long hair. Everyone heads back to the boat and Joe Don, Cheryl and Ben are all told to pack up their stuff and get the hell out of the main cabin. Maybe it was not said with that much venom but it would have been better if it was. Cheryl canít believe she has to mingle with the rest of the crew and befall the same fates as them, scurvy and meager rations.

Thereís a new sheriff in these here parts and he may be from Nottingham Forest
As soon as the red team boards the ship the coins are emptied out and the money is counted. Louis is relishing in the fact that Joe Don is out of the captainís seat. They need to select a new captain and they select Azmyth right away without any discussion. Azmyth selects Jupiter for her excellent eye makeup skills and Jay because he has been supportive. Azmyth and his crew also need to select 3 pirates to be marked for elimination.

Azmyth and his crew get back to the captains courters and he starts speaking in an English accent. I thought pirates hated the English. Everything I know about pirates I learned from Pirates of the Caribbean and that is what they say. Azmyth also starts rattling on about sharing the money equally with everyone and this really upsets Jay, almost as much as the fake accent. He divides the money and evenly distributes it amongst everyone. Each crew member is called in and told the news. They of course are happy. The English accent might drive me to insanity.

The crew is so happy with the generosity but I wonder how long till the mutiny to get him to stop using that accent? The captain and his officers sit to discuss who will be marked and Azmyth continues with the accent. Iím sorry to keep dwelling on it but where did this come from? Jay works to protect Joe Don since he paid him money to keep him safe. Jupiter hands out the letters to the pirates as they sunbathe on deck. Another very pirate type of activity.

Alexis, Laurel, and Cheryl all receive the black spots. Louie is trying to get everyone to take Cheryl out because she was part of the old Joe Don reign. Joe Don is going to try and sway the votes to get Alexis out. Jay bribes Sean with $1000 to vote Cheryl out. He is stressing out because he is the swing vote and does not necessarily want to vote him out. I wish my biggest troubles were who to vote out and whether or not to use the person who just gave me a $1000. How do I get in on this?

Cutting Loose the Scurvy Dog
Pirateís court is starting and Cheryl, Laurel and Alexis are called to the front and make a case for themselves. Azmyth starts talking to Cameron and Cameron asks him if he has an accent now. I laugh, and laugh, and laugh a little more. He tries to explain why he selected the three in the front. He tries to do it with an accent but gives up really quickly, I think itís requiring a lot of brain power and that is just asking too much from him.

Alexis defends herself by saying that she has been herself the whole time. Lame in my opinion. Laurel talks about wanting to stay there and will do anything to stay. The captain should really test that. Cheryl talks about teamwork and fitting in with the team. She also says that she did what the captain asked of her and that she never got to form bonds like everyone else. She goes for the sap story and Joe Don tries to back her up. The captain makes some final remarks minus the accent and I finally can actually listen to him.

Time to vote. The captain is informed there are zero mutiny cards in his hand and that he is safe. Laurel is safe and sent back to the crew. Down to Alexis and Cheryl, and the vote is a tie, four votes each. Since itís a tie, the captain gets to choose who is sent off the ship. Azmyth selects Alexis to be set adrift. Half the crew looks at him with daggers in their eyes. I smell a mutiny on horizon.
Next Week
Make sure to tune in next Thursday to see Sean drilled by Jay over his voting. Joe Don questions Jay and his loyalty and a surprise with the treasure happens. There is still a part of me that hopes the Exotic Dancer/Scientist makes a return appearance. You canít even make that kind of stuff up.

If you consider yourself a modern day pirate who speaks with an English accent, PM me about it.