George Clooney on who he’s taking as an Oscar date: “Actually, I’m bringing Dick Cheney as my date. He called me and asked me to go quail hunting, and I said, ‘Well, why don’t you just come to the Oscars with me instead?’” (source)

Mrs. Federline
It appears as though Britney Spears is ready to return to music. The overwhelming response thus far has been, ‘No, really, that’s OK!’

From the Kids’ Pants Half Off Sale Department
The difference between a grocery bag and Michael Jackson?

One’s made out of plastic and dangerous to children, the other’s for groceries.

Okay, so it’s not all that funny… or interesting… but next time, maybe we’ll have some Juicy Jessica Simpson news!