Men’s Issues in Recovery: Part IV

(A Continued Examination of the 12 Step process) Step Three In recovery, we discover there is no room in our life for abuse. If this is happening, then we must seek help. If it doesn’t stop, it will destroy our relationships and threaten our sobriety, not to mention what it will do to those we abuse.

It is also just as common to channel this energy into sex. We often act in sexual ways just because we feel it is the only way for us to feel nurtured. Asking to be held and comforted may sound simple, but men have been taught that this is not the manly thing to do. Instead, we push to be sexual. There is a need to be transformed. Transformation Step Three “We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of a power greater than ourselves.” NA/Basic Text

We now understand that being restored to sanity is not enough. If a man is to experience a complete transformation, he must turn his will and his life over to the care of a power greater than himself. Within this concept we find the essence of real self-sacrifice.

Through self-sacrifice and the principles of submission and humility of Step Three, men begin to experience the joys of recovery and learn that emotional vulnerability is okay, indeed liberating! Over time, we come to feel relieved as we learn it is “permissible” to have and express emotions such as sadness, gentleness, fear, and loneliness. Recovery stresses learning how to deal with them in an honest and open way. We learn that feelings such as sadness and fear are normal. We learn to deal with our emotions; we lose our fear of getting close to others; we regain our humanity, whuich can be challenging, even painful, but in the end it is life-changing.

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