Brain of Clay

Mud Muppets sell mud, which in some parts of the universe is also known as ceramic art, pottery, claywork or some other amalgamation of such technical, orphic and esoteric words. Mud Muppets also create things that may not involve mud. Sometimes they are mystically inspired to make non-muddocks art, such as oily paintings, metally works, and bananas*.

Mud Muppets even have an Earthly certificate** to prove their artistic abilities. Certification is not necessary to produce and sell art in most other parts of the known universe. However, they have learnt from interactions with the semi-intelligent partially-dominant life-form on Earth how important it is to have certificates, records and pieces of mashed up plant life (otherwise known as papers) to prove how important and remarkable they are.

All this certifiably important and remarkable art is made on the planet Rog, a highly perceptual, abstract and slightly soggy planet south of the great dust nebula and very close to a large but mostly uninteresting interstellar cabbage patch. The intelligent dominant life-form on Earth has promised to add the planet to the Maps for their Android systems in the future.

About the Mud Muppets

Visiting Rog is currently not possible, however, as strict border controls imposed by the Great Lord Leviaticus, the God-like ruler of Rog, and other certifiably important planetary rulers across the known universe make it difficult to enter and even harder to leave. This is to ensure that interaction and information exchange with different foreign and alien species is kept to a minimum (for the health and safety reasons), that intergalactic income and wealth inequalities are kept in place (for the health and safety reasons), and loyalty to Leviaticus and other certified planetary rulers is maintained (for the health and safety reasons).

As an inherently nomadic species that circumstantially found themselves trapped on Rog when the Great Leviaticus and his Leviatican supporters came to power (for the health and safety reasons), the MudMuppets initially bowed to the ruling order. They attempted to comply with an economic-political system built on indebtedness to the Leviaticans, who lend money to citizens so they can pay other Leviaticans to attend learning institutions and gain approval to do a job and pay taxes to make other Leviaticans wealthier, so they can pay other Leviaticans to ensure Leviaticus stays in power. Hence Leviaticus was happy, but the Mud Muppets were not, and they were also slightly confused.

The Mud Muppets rebelled and sought communication with the outside galaxy by skirting official channels, but the Leviaticans imposed increasingly draconian rules and regulations, ultimately forcing the Mud Muppets into a state of indentured slavery to the Leviatican system with limited rights and freedoms.

Their last freedom is the freedom of expression.

Crafted with blood, sweat and tears, Mud Muppets’ irreverent art is a reactionary by-product of their slavery to the system. It is inspired by their history, society, culture, spirituality and nature, especially in its greenest, most psychedelic and carcinogenic form. Here’s an artsy statement***.

Mud Muppet art is (certifiably) vegetarian, vegan, gluten-free, socially responsible, tree-hugging and yoga-loving. It is fully biological, organic and antibiotic-free. It is not dermatologically tested, and no animals, aliens or bacteria are knowingly harmed in its production.

As a mineral-based, lutite-evolved and golem-like life-form, Mud Muppets use only the most local ingredients that suit their deep artistic and creative needs****. Not all products are food safe*****, eye safe or mentally stable.

In order to overcome the many challenges of interstellar travel, backbreaking lutite harvesting and unbridled creativity, Mud Muppets hope to be compensated for their efforts. Precious metals and small green leaves were previously accepted but now digitally enhanced, supercharged, zippy-zappy electronic forms of payment are preferred. Mud Muppets can use the totally worthless electrons as sacrificial offerings to the Great Lord Leviaticus, the tyrannical master of Rog and a deity uncannily similar to the embodiment of all politicians, bureaucrats and bankers on Earth.

A sufficient number of sacrifices may one day allow them to buy their freedom, enabling the downtrodden species to migrate to the distant solar system of Sothestassia, where its fair bit warmer, the beer’s cheaper and the locals smile a lot more.

There are many ways that the human species can help.

For instance, please consider supporting the Mud Muppet Fund (MMF), a Not Generous Organisation (NGO) created by kindly humans to raise money in the name of Mud Muppet freedom and conservation and, purely incidentally and unintentionally, make the founders extremely rich in the process. They personally assure that not one bitcoin, euro or dollar given to the MMF will actually do any good for the Mud Muppets themselves, though it will be very well-spent on friendly consultants, SUVs and luxury apartments for staff members in especially needy and low-cost parts of the universe.

If that kind of thing makes you feel warm and fluffy inside, please donate here.

Alternatively, if you’re a more selfish and cold-hearted human, you can buy one, several or all of the Mud Muppets’ diverse array of artsy and non-artsy muddocks – exquisitely handcrafted works of art and artisanry made especially just for you. Yes, unique, truly yours and special.

Each piece you choose has been made millennia ago to pre-fit with your inimitably limited personal perception of beauty, long before you even developed one, thanks to the perceptual time-relocation device, a very clever little gadget about the size of a can of tuna that the Mud Muppets found buried under the sofa cushions on a Saturday afternoon.

By peeling back the lid, they’ve been able to peer into your future and their past through a tiny tuna can-sized gap in the space-time continuum to determine exactly what you will want when you visit this Earthly website, and which you will therefore buy right now, at this very moment, without delay or deliberation, using your most convenient form of payment.