Why hasn’t anyone made a sequel to the movie “Mean Girls?” To make the original and then just leave it at that, seems to imply that girl drama begins and ends with teens and pre-teens. Alas, some of the social maneuverings of our peers seem to underscore the fact that this compelling drive to establish Communal Groups (aka “cliques”) with a clearly-defined social hierarchy, may peak in middle school, but sadly, is never really outgrown. We should call our movie…

“Mean Girls: Middle-School to Middle-Aged (same old crap, with a few new wrinkles)

The first order of business is to cast the lead roles…

“The Chic-in-Charge”

This girl doesn’t require a lot of explanation. She runs the show. There is simply no other option in her world. Whether she is 6, 6th grade or 60-something, she is adept at spotting and collecting followers. She is typically charming, attractive and well-versed in the art of all things femme. She can pick a follower from a mile away and collects them like filler flowers for her bouquet; which works, as long as everyone understands that she is the Main Bloom. This lady lacks social integrity and never looks over her shoulder at her own wake of destruction. Thus, she typically chooses a mate that people refer to as, “The Nicest Guy You’ve Ever Met!”

“The Loyal Side-kick”

This gal is a bit baffling. She typically possesses all the qualities of the Chic-in-Charge. She has looks, charm, talent and intellect. She’s enigmatically the Total Package, except for the fact that she has zero desire to run the show. Who knows why? Maybe she doesn’t want the responsibility; or maybe she’s the smartest one of all; perhaps her second-in-command status has all the prestige and upside of inclusion and leadership, with none of the inherent responsibilities or social pitfalls. She is thrilled to be the less accountable (in her own estimation) counterpart to her BFF/Bestie!

“Miss Oblivious”

We all know this girl. As a child, she sat on the front row of Sunday school class; as a woman, she probably teaches it. Unlike her leaders, Chic-in-Charge and Loyal Side-kick, she actually DOES believe that the rules apply to her, which is why she goes so out of her way to be nice to everyone. She’s familiar with the concept of “turn the other cheek,” she just got confused somewhere along the way and thinks it means, “look the other direction when your friends mistreat others.” In so doing, she exonerates herself when someone gets hurt. After all, she’s not the leader. In short, this gal really doesn’t want to be too overly-involved. She was embracing “Don’t ask/Don’t tell,” long before the United States Military.

“Miss Delighted-to-be-Invited”

You’ll find this gal a little further down the food chain. She is simply delighted to be invited to the party! She can’t whip up an appetizer fast enough to attend the event! She “goes-along to get -long” and ultimately evaluates her own self worth by the exclusivity of any group she’s blessed to be a member of. Her Social Bank Account teeters on the brink of overdrawn at all times, so she certainly can’t be expected to risk making a costly withdrawal on behalf of any cause other than her own.

That pretty much sums up the Casting Call. No offense to my gender, but, in real life, when these gals posse-up and their actions go largely unchecked, is it really any wonder that we are perpetually stuck in middle school? On a positive note, however, these transparent manifestations of Social Darwinism could supply endless material for a blockbuster sequel that would make “Lord Of The Flies” look like a civilized tea party for boys.