How to Build Unbreakable Self Confidence

When I step on the soccer field, and know I am playing a team who I am clearly better than, I do some of the most amazing things I have ever done. My touch is perfect, I score ridiculous goals & everything just seems to fall perfectly for me. Yes, I am better than my opponent, but this doesn’t mean than my shots should be any more accurate or my touch be any more smooth. It’s not about skill. It’s about self confidence.

Maybe you’re not an athlete. Ever had a night out and you seem to be catching the eye of every girl in the bar. You’re 5/5 and you bring home a perfect 10. Did you magically get better looking?

No. You were on your game, your self confidence was sky high and you were having fun.

I believe that self confidence is more important than skill. Saying that, I also think that it is a skill.

This article will, without a doubt, teach you how to develop this skill and have unstoppable self confidence.

1) The first part of this article is going to be about how to build self confidence in everyday life.

2)The second part is going to be about how to become more confident in sport or any single skill.

When you combine the two you are going to be amazed at the positive effects.

Imagine you, but better. That’s who you are going to be when you’re done reading.

First, what is self confidence & where does it come from?

Before we get into the jibber jabber, where does your self-confidence come from? and what does it even mean?!

And as far as the definition, Quoting Dr. Jacobs from the Ted Talk below, I think self-confidence can be defined as the ability or belief in yourself that you can accomplish any task, no matter the odds, no matter the difficulty, no matter the adversity.

Is this something that you’re born with?

Not really.

Self confidence is something that manifests in your mind. It comes from how you view yourself in relation to the world around you. I don’t care how ugly you think you are. If you woke up on another planet where all the women were beautiful, and all the men were ridiculously hideous, making you the most beautiful guy alive, your self confidence would sky rocket. Almost instantly.

Funny how it works. But the most interesting thought is whether you can manifest this kind of self-confidence without being in an ideal situation.

While I believe you can, don’t get too excited yet. It’s not magic and yet again it’s something that you will have to work on every day. (There goes 90% of guys reading this achieving it)

Don’t be in that 90%. There are no quick fixes.

Part 1: How to build unstoppable self-confidence in everyday life

Part one of this article focuses on how to increase your self-confidence in everyday life. How to become an overall more confident person.

These steps are simple but very effective. If you apply them daily, you should be looking at a more confident you in the mirror in as short as a month.

Incredible results can come from simple changes, and they most often do.

1) Focus on posture and stand like a winner

Many people are aware that how you feel has a direct impact on your body language. But what most people don’t know is that your body language can also have a direct impact on how you feel!

It’s a proven scientific fact that you can change your physical and emotional state just by lifting your chest and tilting your head up.

This is just a small example, but the fact is that most people go throughout their entire day with terrible posture. How do you expect to give off an air of confidence & feel more confident if you are slouched over like a scared little boy?

Stand tall.

Like I said above, it is a proven scientific fact that just changing your body language for a minute has direct effect on how you feel. If you stand tall and confident, you will feel tall and confident. Fact. Check out the TED talk by Amy Cuddy on this below. It’s really fascinating.

The more you do this, the more you can condition yourself and your beliefs.

2) Dress clean

Step number 2, no matter what your style, dress clean.

Why?

Ever been in a rut? You know, the kind where you never leave sweat pants or comb your hair for a week. Who can feel confident like that?!

Just like changing your body language & making an effort to look more confident will, in fact, make you feel more confident. You will feel better, people will notice it and it will build your confidence.

3) Walk with a purpose

So you have great posture, you are looking sharp, but you are strolling down the road like a lost puppy.

That’s not the walk of a confident man.

Walk with a purpose. You are an important man who knows where hes going and what hes doing. Another example of how you look and act has an effect on how you feel.

See what I’m getting at now?

Picture yourself standing tall, dressed clean and walking down the street with a purpose. People are going to notice you and assume that you’re a confident person. You will also begin to believe it yourself.

4) Talk with a purpose

If you struggle to convey your point or convince people with your words, no one is ever going to have confidence in you. Nor are you going to have confidence in yourself.

Talk with a purpose. Don’t muttle your opinions. Or be scared to speak your mind. You’re you! You’re important and everything that you have to say is important!

You may not believe it or be there yet, but fake it till you make it. This one takes more effort and will have to develop over time, until you always talk with a purpose, and people will listen.

“Come with me if you want to live.” – Terminator

5) Praise and add value to others

Confident people add value to others. Scared people try to make other feel like crap to make themselves feel better. Compliment people in the way it adds value to them, genuinely.

Being able to tell someone you really like the way they are dressed, shows you are not afraid to express your opinions and are a genuinely nice person.

Sometimes you need to lose your ego. By making it not all about you and making other people feel good and that they are the center of the universe you will be liked and valued more.

This will, in turn, change how the world sees you and turn you into a more confident person.

6) Start and finish every day with gratitude. Be grateful as often as possible.

This one may seem a little weird to some people, but may be the most powerful step of them all.

Being grateful changes people. Besides adding more self-confidence, being grateful will make you appreciate your life and will help you attract more positive things towards you.

Wake up each day and be happy to be alive. Take time every day to look around and realize how lucky you are to have the little things in your life. Instead of being mad that you’re stuck in traffic, be grateful that you have a car and a stable job. This shift in energy will change your life, and in turn, will make you happier & much more confident.

[quote]”If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” – Wayne dyer[/quote]

7) Think and be positive

Adding to being grateful. Keep a positive attitude.

Confident people are not negative people. Simple as that.

The guy who gets tons of girls and lives how he wants believes that everything works out for him, hes valuable and that he deserves great things. He doesn’t dwell on negativity.

When someone says “Oh, every relationship I am in is a disaster, I’m never going to find anyone,” they are only reinforcing that truth. Those people never find anyone.

Instead, they should change their ideas to “this isn’t always going to happen to me, this is all a learning experience that is preparing me for when I meet the right person.”

So stop thinking that you have no self-confidence, now! Every time you think about it, you enforce it. Man becomes what he thinks about, its a universal truth.

Start thinking every day, “I am confident. I have incredible self-confidence.” Then visualize yourself walking talking, and acting as you want to be. Super confident, winking at girls, walking with a swagger. $100 bills falling out of your pocket. If you truly do it daily and believe that you will be that person, one day you will.

8) Respect and value your health and body

Your body is your temple. You need to be aware of what you are putting in your system.

You wouldn’t put contaminated thick sludgy gasoline into your brand new Ferrari. So why on earth would you put krispy kreme donuts into your beautiful body?

Eat healthy, workout & treat your temple well. Not only will you look better by losing weight, but you will feel better. This alone can go a long way towards increasing self-confidence.

9) Celebrate the small wins

In order to gain confidence and appreciate yourself, you need to appreciate the small wins that you experience.

You probably have huge goals. But if you are not celebrating the small wins, you are going to start losing confidence towards that goal.

Be happy with the little wins, but never satisfied.

Be happy with your accomplishment, but strive for more.

Every time this website hits another 1,000 visitors a day higher its a great win for me. You don’t have to reach your main goal to celebrate. If you want to lose 50lbs but only lose 10 after 3 months, that awesome! No reason to lose confidence. Celebrate the small win, you’re 10lbs lighter. Then keep working towards your main goal. It will keep you confident throughout.

These 9 steps can do incredible things in your life. They not only will help you to build self-confidence, but they will change the fabric of your being. Life will start to be better, maybe a little bit easier. Make the commitment. Make it happen.

Part 2: How to build self-confidence in sport or any particular skill

So if you read part one, then you are going to start living your life as a more confident person. Great!

But no matter how good your posture is, or how awesome your dress, it’s not going to make you any more confident while playing your sport.

Yes, it will help a little (I play much better in a good fitting jersey). But who wants to be a little more confident. We aim high, and that’s exactly where the steps below will take you.

Before we get into it, I want you to watch a TedX talk from championship soccer coach Dr. Joseph. See you after.

1) Repetition, repetition, repetition.

Step 1 to building self-confidence, like from Dr. Joseph’s talk is repetition, repetition, repetition. A.K.A practice. Sadly, the only REAL way to have self-confidence in sport is to be good.

If you want to be confident at taking penalty kicks. Take 100 penalty kick’s a day. I guarantee when the time comes for you to take one, you will be damn sure that you are going to make it. If you had to take that same PK without ever trying before, you would be shitting your pants.

Beyond sports, if you want to be more confident approaching women, you have to approach hundreds of women.

If you want to be more confident while having sex, you have to have lots of sex.

It’s a bitch, isn’t it? And there is no getting around it.

But its good news. You can be confident at anything you do. You just have to do it. There is a formula and its simple. It’s up to you.

2) Self Talk & Visualization

Like we discussed in part one, being positive and visualizing will go a long way in building up your self-confidence.

Did you know that visualizing yourself participating in a sport actually fires the same muscles as playing that sport? Your brain cannot tell the difference. See yourself competing, winning and believe you can do it. When game time comes you will be not only ready but confident.

The power of belief is an amazing thing. Click the link to the left to read more about harnessing its full power.

3) Don’t be afraid to fail

If you are scared of failing, your focus is not in the right spot. Failure is not bad. It is a necessary part of growing and getting stronger.

You know the Michael Jordan quote:

Failure will teach you the necessary lessons it takes to be better. So don’t be scared of getting rejected by a hot girl, don’t be scared of missing the game winning shot. Being scared means being unconfident.

Embrace rejection, embrace failure.

TThis failurein the end will make you the confident guy you will be in the end. Just go out and do your thing.

Recap: Self Confidence Protocol

So this was a long article.

Here is a condensed protocol in one paragraph you can do to be a much more confident dude in 1 month.

First, start being grateful for everything you have. Be grateful you found this article, be grateful you have a bed. Just be grateful. Everyday start thinking and believing that you are becoming more confident daily. Start affirming that you have unstoppable self confidence. Then everyday visualize yourself as the most confident guy you have ever seen. Visualize it from the third person and the first person. Feel that confidence. Come back and keep that feeling with you. Then, align your actions with those thoughts and feelings. Shower, shave, dress sharp and head out the door standing tall with incredible posture. Start to talk with a purpose, make healthier choices and hit the gym a few times each week. Respect your body and everyone around you. Give compliments and help people whenever they need it. Start to practice whatever it is you want to be confident at. Over and over and over.

Do this everyday for a month. Don’t be lazy.

This stuff will work. You are not the first person to do it and you won’t be the last. Some guys will succeed and give it the effort. Some will shrug it off. Put in the time, give it a month. If after you don’t feel a sense of higher self confidence, feel free to come back here and destroy me in the comment section.

Also, to take things to the next level – Check out Eduardo’s articles on the Modern Gentlemans Guide to Developing Self Confidence. It is the next step after this.

Sean is a true entrepreneur. After turning his life around after struggling with anxiety and chronic fatigue syndrome he now dedicates his life to being his best self and helping others do the same. Learn more about him and his projects at SeanRussell.me

28 COMMENTS

Thanks James. I’ve been following up recently on advice I can find on the internet or youtube. After reading a various articles and watching videos, I need something personally suited to help me out. There is a lot of advice out there and a lot to learn on what to do and what not to do…wish I can find the right kind (already starting to feel the burnout).

Hi Adam. I imagine that you have not been rejected by everyone.. presumably someone has taken care of you in the past otherwise you would not be alive. I presume that you have freinds who have accepted you. I presume that there are things which you do succesfully.. such as type these messages, speak english fluently, get dressed etc. Be a little more specific in the actual problem that you seem to be having (with examples) and maybe someone can give you some more tangible advice.

I am referring to the confidence in approaching women. I never had a girlfriend or been in any romantic relationship. Every girl I was interested in or asked out rejected me. I present myself in a positive mindset, upbeat and confident when approach a girl, and have always been rejected. I feel like my confidence is starting to suffer with all these failures. I’ve tried to improve on my methods and used different approaches in asking someone out, but when you have only been rejected, lied to, laughed at and humiliated.

Hi Adam. Sounds like you’ve got some balls by the virtue that you have actually told several girls how you feel. I know that I certainly would never have done anything like that when I was younger, not unless I knew for a fact that the girl liked me. It has nothing to do with your confidence mate… if you are starting to feel like you’re ‘not confident’, it is really just that you want to avoid the potential pain that comes from a girl ‘humiliating’ you. Thats normal. You’re clearly a smart, balsy dude, so dont take it personally. The girls arent rejecting you.. they are just rejecting the way that you are presenting yourself. My advice would be to keep searching youtube and the internet for people who can offer you advice that you resonate with, because its too large a subject to cover in this comment. Keep doing things that you truly genuinely enjoy (because life is not just about girls) and consider moving to a city where there are lots of girls so you can get some more experience in talking to girls, feeling more comfortable around girls, have female friends, practice presenting yourself better. To conclude; theres nothing wrong with you mate, but some of us werent ‘fortunate’ enough to be raised with big brothers or dads who taught us how to communicate well with girls (and other people potentially). This is something you can learn and it doesnt have to take long– likely just a few simple tweaks in the way you are communicating! Do some research and find some people (online and in person) that you feel comfortable learning from). Take care

I tried thinking positive but my life is sh**. I can’t be happy anymore ever since I moved schools. I kinda dropped out and missed almost my whole grade 10 year. I know How to be more confident and start working on it but I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about school. I wanna go back now but. I’m way way way behind now . There are many more reasons life sucks like, I have pateliar tendonitis and can barely walk. Help me.

Thank you Sean for such a wonderful article. It will definitely help me to become confident! A big thank you for adding the TED talks, especially the one by Amy Cuddy, that really gave me an instant boost! 🙂

Am I ever grateful that I found your site and am really getting in to it. One little bit at a time. Starting with the 10 reasons to quit watching porn. I had no idea it was having such an awful effect on my brain. Two weeks in and I feel like a different man.

Everything within this article makes 100% sense. A lot of these are things that I’ve already began working on, but this just further reinforced my theories, which is awesome. My thirtieth birthday was a week and a half ago, and I have decided, this will be my year. The year of reinvention and rebirth. Here’s to you and all you’re doing for us, Sean. It is much appreciated. Keep up the good work!