You’d be surprised how often prostitutes will accept mediocre, drunken poetry as payment for fellatio.No, I guess it’s not that surprising.It’s only happened twice, and they were women I was dating at the time.

Anyway, potential guest writers, the ideal candidate will:

-Be attractive;

-Not be experiencing any financial hardships so as to accept poems or sexual favors as payment;

-Not outshine me and;

-Be witty and provocative.

Actually, be either witty or provocative for a writer with a combination of the two will surely outshine me.If that happens, you’re dead.You hear that, motherfucker?DEAD.

If interested, post relevant information as a comment and I’ll contact you within a minute of applying.

Consolidate as in a merger? Is your blog waxing like financial giants and need to be assisted and/or taken over? How ticklishly topical of your blog, bravo!

In fact, just the other day, I did have an idea for a new blog...but it's somewhat thematic (very un-like my own), and maybe you might be keen on the idea.

I need to do more writing for cereals. We should talk. We can pretend we're whispering important things to each other, but all we're really saying is, "Pshew pshew psst budda budda moi moi moi moi moi..."

Mission Statement

I write because I like making people laugh. Some of my blog entries do so, most fail miserably.

No, wait. I write because I need validation. Those of my blog entries I consider failures are those lacking in comments. Validate me with comments whether they be constructive, or contain links to pictures of ghost towns. I do love them so.

Also, perhaps a tertiary objective completely unrelated to this blog, I love playing with wax and will one day fill a pool with molten wax and throw ice cubes into it. Wouldn't that be grand?