Thursday, February 17, 2011

I've been doing a little soul searching over the past little while and I've come to some interesting conclusions.

I read somewhere once a little passage by John Lennon that went something like this:

When I was young my teacher asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I told her "Happy". She told me I didn't understand the question. I told her she didn't understand life.

I read that several years ago and it has sort of stuck with me. Because we measure people so much by their what we perceive to be their successes and failures and so often we don't actually stop to really evaluate that person's happiness.

I hate to admit it, but I am in love with the Real Housewives franchise. I know it's melting my brain, but I can't look away. There have been so many times that I've looked at these women who are for the most part beautiful, and rich, and live lives filled with fabulous lunches and parties and all of it... and I've felt myself twinge with jealousy. Here I am, an overweight housewife and mother of three with an old minivan and twelve loads of laundry to do and I think to myself that it must be nice to have a nanny and a housekeeper and children in Ralph Lauren school uniforms at private preparatory schools.

But if you've ever really watched those shows you know that those women aren't happy. In fact, they're continuously on the same quest for happiness that I am and all that glitz and glamor surrounding them isn't helping them one bit.

I spend a lot of my time thinking that if only I had this or that or were thinner or my house were cleaner or whatever that I would be happy. But deep inside, when I shove away all those silly thoughts, I realize that I have everything I need to be really, truly happy. My happiness relies on no one but myself, nothing but my own perceptions and thoughts.

It's easy to go all rainbows and sunshine and tell you all that my happiness comes from my wonderful family and friends and the love that surrounds me every day. And yes, that is wonderful and certainly a reason for me to be joyful and happy. But if all of those people were gone from my life tomorrow, would that mean I have no reason to live? Am I not enough to live for?

I think it's that kind of inner peace and happiness that can pull a person through what might be the darkest and most painful times of their life. And that's the kind of peace and happiness I'm looking to obtain.

So I'm working on shutting out negativity and sadness. And it's not easy. It includes letting some people go from my life and changing the way I look at the world. Those aren't things that can be done with the blink of an eye, but they're worth while things to do and they're absolutely necessary for me to continue on this journey.

I have amazing components of my life to focus on that enrich me and help me to see my life the way I should have always seen it. So that's where my head is today. :)