How to Prepare Our Boys for Temptations of Public School Life *

The subject is a serious one, for the boys of to-day are the men of
to-morrow. Those to whom God has given sons are deeply responsible for
them: they are to be the guiding spirits of those which are to follow
them. Nine out of ten who have gone wrong might have been saved with
more judicious training.

As regards sending boys to a public school, it is preferable (in spite
of the sacred influence of home, which must never be forgotten) to a
private school, and to exclusively home education, because of the class
teaching and healthy competition. A boy brought up at a private school
is apt to turn out a little prig: the training of a private school is
not that of a public school.

Then, again, home cannot give the experience of life. Home training is
an extremely important part of training, but it is not all.

My experience as a college tutor was that those who went astray most
were those who had had only home training or had been to private
schools only. It is better that the boy should begin with some
experience of temptation, because the transgression of a boy is not so
fatal as the fall of a young man.

Then there is the valuable aid of competition at a public school, not
in study alone. Cricket is a most valuable part of discipline. A long
field, for instance, who has had to wait and watch for his opportunity,
is undergoing exceedingly good discipline. Competition and rivalry are
taught, not only be secular studies, but by the games the boys engage
in.

As regards home training before the boys go to school, always be
consistent: always object to the same thing, and always allow the same
thing. If you want boys to do right, you must not omit to show them the
way by your example. If you want your boy to keep straight, you must
always keep straight yourself.

In dealing with the young, love is everything; but love is not
indulgence, therefore be strict, but not severe. Be strict, but don't
put a boy's back up. The back's there: if you treat it properly the
back will be very supple, and the boy will then do whatever you wish;
but if you are hard on the back he will set it up and do the very thing
you don't want him to do. And so, don't be severe, but at the same time
don't be tolerant about anything you really disapprove of. Love seeks
the solid good, not the gratification of the present moment.

Well, now I have to speak as a head-master and college tutor of the
chief temptations of school life.

First, as regards idleness. Don't be hard on boys for this: remember
they are working hard most part of the day, both in lessons and games;
rest must be taken some time. If they are late in the mornings I have
found that a little quiet derision answers best; put it to them in a
kind and gentle way. Meet the idleness by showing interest in the boy's
progress, and by giving him a pursuit for his leisure time and his
holidays, such as botany, natural science, music, etc.

Then as to selfishness. Boys are not naturally selfish. The mother's
influence should be to take the boy out of himself, and make him think
of others. "Master Robin, you're not everybody!" was my old nurse's
injunction to me, and I have remembered it for a large portion of a
century.

As regards extravagance, the temptation in school is generally in the
opposite direction to selfishness. It should not be checked by a
diminution of means. That is a very bad plan indeed. Keep up the lad's
allowance, but make him feel his fault in some different way; only be
kind and loving to him. If you are not, it exposes him to the
temptation of running into debt. There is of course a great danger of
lads getting into extravagant habits. The mother must get the boy to be
frank and open with her, but don't on any account cut short his
allowance; that is a great mistake.

A still worse thing one has to guard against is profane and improper
language. If you meet with this in your boys you must be hard upon it;
you must be as hard upon it as you possibly can--nothing but stern
repression is any good. It is an evil weed which must be torn up by the
roots. Check it as much as you possibly can. Take care that at home he
learns nothing but purity and obedience. A lad, at first, abominates
anything of the kind, but it is astonishing how soon he gets accustomed
to it. Teach your boy that he can't keep straight without God's grace,
and that with Divine grace he can. People sometimes forget that the
Gospel teaching is "My grace is sufficient for thee." To ask the Father
to grant that grace is the man's duty and privilege. The boy must not
expect to go through his school life without persecution, but he will,
if he persistently goes on resisting various temptations, gain the
respect of all. That boy of ten whom you began to train in the way he
should go, will at eighteen be the pride of the school of which he is
the head.

There is the temptation to give way to others. It's very hard indeed
for a boy at school to say, "I won't," when a certain course of action
is proposed; it requires much "pluck" to say, when others ask him to do
something he does not approve of, "No, I will not." But he will be
respected for saying it by those who differ from him, if they are worth
anything. If before her boy first enters upon school life the mother
would give her final help and counsel, let her go into his room the
last evening he has at home, before he goes away from her for the first
time to school, for a talk with him--she will probably find him sobbing
his heart out by himself, and the words she will say to him by his
beside he will remember all through his school life.