TLC Is Giving Kate Gosselin More Money

TLC announced yesterday that at some point in June, it will air a one-time special featuring Kate Gosselin and her eight children to answer the biggest question on every asshole's mind: "Why haven't those poor children been taken away from their desperately attention-starved mother?" Or, as the network that once prided itself as educational put it, it'll be a chance to catch up with Kate and her kids to see how life is going for them right now. The whole thing will be manipulative PR bullshit, obviously, because we just watched Kate's 13-year old twins make her look like Cruella De Vil on live TV, and professional waiter Jon Gosselin has "written" a tell-all book about his side of the story, of which he said, "Kate will flip."

If TLC wanted to do the right thing and make it up to the world for even introducing us to these assholes in the first place, they put the kids in a separate room, offer them each a new home and checks for their college educations, and then allow them to pick which island their parents should be dropped on with only one knife between them.