Learning Venus

How to bridge the gap with high-evolved womankind

As worrying as it sounds, women have evolved much faster than men – and in less time. That means the gap between our Mars and their Venus can only be closed with a space shuttle from George Lucas’ Star Wars. Either that, or by mastering the art of subtly but powerfully winning over our loved ones from the other planet.

To capture Venus you need swagger. Think 2010’s modern man but with a mix of Jagermeister and Gandhigiri thrown in. The result is a decent-and-not-so cocky-confident cornball, with the style of Shahrukh Khan. He’s the guy who’ll win a daughter’s love, a wife’s fantasy and every mom’s respect.

It’s all about those forgotten gestures you engaged in to “impress” on the first date (or even to land one, for some). While we can barely keep track of laundry, women are evaluating us on a points-based system. Acts of love – one point, bring her flowers – one point, compliment her new hairstyle – two points. Buy her that diamond ring and you’ll see stars.

While Venus tracks score, men track purchases. We can’t help it; we equate real numbers, a bigger purchase equals more points. Or does it?

Instead of worrying about managing the diamond knockout blow, get her some flowers and compliment her beautiful brown eyes. Result? Save a couple of thousand, and get yourself a 5000-watt amplifier with dual-magnetic woofers. You know you’ve been eyeing it at Croma.

On the playing field with Venus, your A-game requires confidence, intellect and natural charm. Ooze swagger with subtlety, and do the simple things you know you secretly love. You no longer need to flex your way into a flock of women. Don’t believe me? Ask Justin Bieber.