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Trouble achieving orgasm :(

08-06-2018, 05:57 PM

I'll just cut to the chase...
I've only been able to reach orgasm using a vibrator for clitoral stimulation. I can do that quickly, and it's good, but it's more like just getting the job done. Sadly, my husband has not been able to give me one in our 15 year relationship. Neither of us have been with other people, so maybe that's part of the problem. I've never been able to do it without the help of the vibrator either. When we're being intimate, I can get going really good, but it starts feeling REALLY intense and not painful, but SO intense it's almost uncomfortable, and never seems to come close to ending and I have to ask him to stop. It's a totally different build up from what I experience alone with the vibrator. We both desperately want me to be able to orgasm with just him, not this vibrator.
Any insight and tips are helpful. I don't know exactly what I should be feeling during the buildup since it feels so different when I do it and when he does!
Thanks in advance.

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Oral doesn't do much at all for me unfortunately. Intercourse feels really good, sometimes more than other times. If he's also rubbing me at the same time, it's better, but has rarely been close to reaching orgasm for me. It's manual that gets really good and intense, and then just too intense. I feel like I want to explode, but I have to ask him to stop. It's just too much. Slowing down or changing things usually makes it all go away and it's hard to get it going again.

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well my wife has never been able to orgasm during intercourse..... normally our foreplay ends with me massaging her vagina while kissing and sucking her nipples... she is almost guaranteed to orgasm that way - then it's my turn and we make love until I orgasm inside her (which is about 2 minutes lol!)

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Manual stimulation usually takes a delicate touch. He should slow down and change the amount of pressure before you get stimulation overload. If he does that and cycles between intense and less intense stimulation, he may build your level of sexual excitement to the point that you go over the top and orgasm. Help him by letting him know how intense it is at any given moment.

I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
...
Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

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I also would suggest a slow buildup, if you're preference is manual. Start very slow and with light pressure, and gradually increase that, over several minutes or longer if that's what you need. Also, try this while you're having sex. It may be easiest while in doggie position, but try manually stimulating yourself at the same time. This manual stimulation, combined with intercourse, could eventually be quite explosive for you. It may take a few tries to get there, but give it a go, and see how it works for you.
Let us know how it goes, we may have additional suggestions if this doesn't work!

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I appreciate all of this!! I tried getting out of my head last night and just relaxing. He tried some different things, including g-spot which didn't really do too much. I'm wondering if my orgasms are just completely different when I'm with him versus myself? When I'm alone, it builds up and there's a definite end, and I feel a climax and some spasms in my vagina. Nothing huge and earth shattering but satisfying anyway. With him, the feeling is more internal even though he's stimulating the clitoris just like I do. Am I expecting fireworks and explosions, and that's just not how I orgasm?? We've half joked about finding a swinger couple and seeing if it's different with someone else. LOL like I said, we've both only been with each other so we don't know anything else!

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There are different kinds of orgasms for women: 1. a clitoral orgasm 2. a gspot orgasm

You've mentioned them both. Clitoral orgasms SEEM to be the most commonly experienced because well....the clit can be seen and therefore is easier to stimulate. But for me and many other women, that is such an incredibly sensitive area that direct stimulation for any length of time may build up the intensity for a clitoral orgasm but it also creates discomfort due to all the nerves. For me, clitoral stimulation is supplemental and

The gspot orgasm is "where it's at" in my opinion and it can really only be achieved with penetration. I discovered this by stumbling upon it really. I had been sexually active for years but had never experienced this type of intense pleasure UNTIL I attended a friends bridal Pure Romance party (sex toys). I felt pressured into buying something, so I got this vibrating gspot stimulator with a built on clitoral stimulator. It was perfect and I finally realized what I had been missing AND how to find it during intercourse with a partner. I NEEDED that gspot stimulation to achieve orgasm and since then, I know exactly what positions to get in to achieve it.

So...maybe you just need some more experimentation with yourself where there is no pressure. And when you're having sex with your hubby, the best positions for gspot contact are female on top, missionary, or even from behind if you're laying flat on your stomach. Try using one of your own hands to lightly stimulate the clitoris area during penetration (circular motion of the hand), and ask him to go slow and steady. So then you're getting clitoral and gspot stimulation at the same time. See if that helps.

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Thank you! More stuff to try tonight lol would it be possible to have the clitoral stimulation but get a more internal type of orgasm?? I was messing around today and discovered when I orgasm with a vibrator, it builds up nicely, I can feel the orgasm and spasms inside, and then if I keep going, it starts to feel uncomfortable. I had to stop for a minute and go again and it was fine. My husband has found the gspot before and sometimes it feels really good and sometimes just weird. I told him last night we need to work on that a little more.

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If I have a clitoral orgasm, I don't want to be touched with ANYTHING immediately afterwards because everything is so sensitive.

I think you can have both (that's my preference, at least). I prefer penetration in positions that "massage" the gspot area in combination with clitoral stimulation.

Sometimes I think guys think they need to "hit the gspot". Some "hitting" might be okay at times, but for the most part, it's consistent and gentle massage of the gspot that brings about the best orgasms. For me at least.

I admire you for being willing to try new things. Try not to pressure yourself though. That's counterproductive when it comes to orgasms!

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I hope this helps. Sex begins long before you get your clothes off. I'll use my ex-g/f as example again for a lot of reasons.

She'd get me going the second she got in my car. She didn't have to say a thing. Her look and clothing gave her away.

After her 3rd glass of wine, she'd talk sex, and graphically. She'd tell me about her teenage years when she used to sneak boyfriends into her parents' house and bang their brains out. The more she talked the hornier she got, and me too. Her road head stories were extremely erotic.

Often she'd start taking off her clothes on the way home.

She was naked before the bedroom door closed. Behind a bedroom door, she's a porn star. There is nothing she won't do.

I'd dirty talk the heck outta her. I was all over her breasts until she could no longer restrain herself. She'd push my head between her legs, but I wasn't ready to play tongue music. I'd lick all around her most sensitive area until she was begging to cum. Then I'd begin to play soft melodies on her clit. She LOVES rough sex, as do most women, I suppose. Then I'd get the band involved. I'd insert a finger inside of her and massage the inner ridges of her vajayjay. Then I'd insert a well lubed finger inside of her butt. Now it was tongue music time. I knew just the right tune (pressure on her clit) to levitate her. When she came, she'd literally lose her breath.

Since then, I've bought her at least a half-dozen vibrators, one costing close to 2 hundred bucks, for her pleasure. She wanted butt plugs. I bought two for her. Her orgasms became astronomical. With a butt plug in place, I'd work her vajayjay's inner ridges with a black (color was her idea) vibrator while my tongue played heavy metal on her clit. Her orgasms were explosive.

After many orgasms, she'd rest for a few minutes. Then it was man handling time. She has never liked tender loving. She wants her brains banged out. I'd push her to her knees and tell her to open her already awaiting mouth. I'd rarely cum in her mouth, and when I did, she insisted I did. Then I'd yank her to her feet, turn her around, push down on her back (She loves it when her fingertips touch the floor, but this requires sobriety on your husband's part. He has to hold you to prevent you from falling forward.), give her a couple smacks on her butt, tell her to put it in, and I'd bang her like a cheap screen door in a category five hurricane.

She's recently stayed at my house for a week. She told me that after having sex with me for as many years as we have, she can't do it with another dude. So I worked her like the bedroom porn star she is.

If I were to opine what's most crucial for euphoric sex, I'd say begin long before you get in bed. Go out to dinner. Unintentionally intentionally flash him so only he can see. Tease the heck outta him. Wear revealing clothes. Grab his package and tell him what you're going to do to him. Lots of wet tongue dancing should get you horny. Finally, I've yet to meet a woman who couldn't cum from tongue music.

W/o revealing too much, my ex-g/f has had more than the average number of sex partners. She has told me many times that none were close to my performances. She's told me that I'm the only one who knew what to do between her legs. Her ex-husband and she were a sexual mismatch. He used to frustrate her when he went down on her. If your husband lacks musical talent, teach him how to play heavy metal on your clit. In fact, if he hasn't gotten you off in 15 years, he needs a lot of teaching. Tell him to get the band (his fingers) rocking, too. Tell him to dirty talk you.

BTW, the other day my ex-g/f asked me to buy a long, FAT black dildo for her. She has a pronounced fantasy for black dudes.

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nyged5, may I suggest that you try manual clitoral stimulation at the same time as you are being penetrated? One good way to do this is the "cowgirl" position which puts you in charge of the motion but lets your husband touch your clitoris with a thumb. Or you could use your vibrator at the same time.
I think you might like the result.
Best of luck!

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Years ago, I knew a woman who had told my wife that she had never had an orgasm. Her husband of 20+ years had no clue of how to do it & she was too inhibited to teach him. So my then wife bought her a vibrator.

My ex-g/f told me last night that not being able to orgasm is a medical problem & nyged5 should see a physician. But that's not the case. She can orgasm. Her husband can't get her off, which is the problem.