“In Control” – Leg 4

By Steve & Dave (03.27.2005)

Okay, maybe we should have called this one “Death to Smoochie…and Ray…and Deana…and Lynn…and Alex…and Patrick…” Well, you get the idea. At the start of this leg, there were eight teams left in the running. Under normal circumstances at least half of those teams ought to be “likable” (or mostly tolerable), but that just isn’t holding true in TAR 7. Go figure, usually we just dislike only the models.

These two seem like they could really be a lot of fun, and might even be a team worth rooting for if only they could get over the fact that Romber happens to be in the race as well.

First, we have a team that’s so consumed with hatred for Rob and Amber that they are failing to run their own race. That’s right, we’re talking about Uchenna and Joyce. Just kidding, we’re obviously speaking of Lynn and Alex. These two seem like they could really be a lot of fun, and might even be a team worth rooting for if only they could get over the fact that Romber happens to be in the race as well. Guys, if you would just run your own race and quit worrying about where Rob and Amber are, you would probably do a whole lot better. Try and put yourselves in their place. Would you really turn down ANY offer that CBS made you, or would you take advantage of every opportunity and get them back for the crappy hotel room you had in Sequesterville with every living fiber of your being? Err…assuming of course that you were in Loser Lodge AND you had a crappy hotel room AND a fibrous body.

Then we have a team that’s so convinced that they are better than everyone else that the field should just concede the race now. Sure, it sounds like we’re describing ourselves, but in this case we’re talking about Ray and Deana. When we heard these two say that they weren’t going to lose to a couple that was so old they didn’t even belong in the race, you know who we were rooting for to get eliminated. God forgive us for this, but we see them as Jonathan and Kendra Lite. Half the abuse, all the misguided opinions.

And then we have the quitter, Patrick. Too bad you were paired with someone who understands that you’re never out of the race until Phil tells you so, because otherwise you could have just stood at the start line when Phil said “go,” pouted, stomped your feet, and said, “I don’t wanna go, mommy,” and then waited for the inevitable. You can claim you’re just being a realist all you want to, we call it being a defeatist. We did, however, dig the mom.

Then we have the crowd that’s (so far) been so bland that we have trouble remembering their names, let alone remembering what they’ve done that was memorable in any way.

Then we have the crowd that’s (so far) been so bland that we have trouble remembering their names, let alone remembering what they’ve done that was memorable in any way. In this group we find Uchenna (slightly memorable if only for his name, which we looked up in “5001 Names For Your New Baby” - paradoxically it means “bland and unmemorable”) and Joyce, Ron and Kelly, Meredith and Gretchen, and (to a lesser extent) Brian and Greg. The brothers are occasionally memorable, but mostly for their continual screw-ups. For instance, when they started the leg by saying, “no mistakes” we knew it would be less than 5 minutes before they made their first one. We weren’t disappointed.

So who does that leave us to root for? Rob and Amber, who else? We’ve loved Rob ever since his earlier appearance on “Press Your Luck.” They’ve been creative, funny, and fun to watch. (We are using the Royal “they” because all ‘ol Amber is doing is laughing at her fiancé’s antics.) Our guess is if they weren’t well-known, they would be embraced, not scorned by the viewing public. Apparently the shelf life of a “reality star” is exactly two prime time shows.

They know that they aren’t well liked by some of the other teams and they don’t care. They’re enjoying what they’re doing, and are running a good race. If things continue they way they have, these two could easily win another million. We hoped we’ve sucked up enough to be invited to their wedding, as Steve and Dave are not doing anything that day and we look smashing in ruffles.

Now it’s time again for the ever-popular “Spot Romber.” Here are two pictures, see if YOU can…SPOT ROMBER.

According to those “in the know,” the inset shows Rob and Amber’s face as they appear in the curtains on Dorothy’s window. Earlier speculation that their faces were part of the wallpaper pattern was proven groundless as extreme close-ups revealed the pattern was of marijuana plants.

And this is Da Vinci’s lesser-known work, the “Mona Amber.” (Soon to be a major motion picture starring Tom Hanks.)