Reader's Dilemma: "Can I Do a Trip for My Bachelorette Party If My Bride-Friend Is Also Doing a Trip?"

It can be fun to plan a wedding when one of your good friends is planning hers. Or this can happen

Writes Olivia: “One of my closest friends from college, Keri, and I are getting married a couple of months apart. We both want to go away for our bachelorette parties. Many of the girls we’d invite are the same, but we’d rather not do one combined trip because I want to go skiing in Colorado and she wants to go bar-hopping in New Orleans. Plus, we each have a friend the other isn’t too fond of. Is it inconsiderate if we plan separate parties knowing some of our shared friends would have two trips to take? Keri and I would pay our own way and not burden our bridesmaids with those extra costs.”

Here’s what I think: As you’ve guessed, it’d be a lot easier on your friends’ bank accounts (and job schedules--not everyone gets tons of paid time off) if you joined forces for a single, kick-ass bachelorette party. Maybe you can compromise: Is there a ski town with a great party scene? Could you do something equally outdoorsy in a warm-weather locale?

If you still want your own trips, you can plan them (if you’re paying for yourselves, as it seems you are), but keep in mind that some of your friends may have to pick which trip to go on since they can’t afford both. Some may forgo traveling altogether because they wouldn’t want to choose one bachelorette party over the other. So ask yourself: Is it better to get the exact kind of bachelorette party you want if some of your friends can’t attend, or would you prefer to have all your pals there (and maybe one or two people you don’t love) even if your party’s not your idea of perfection?

If your bride-friend is cool with it, you could poll the people you’d both invite to your bachelorette parties. Without giving them too much say over your plans, have them weigh in:

“Who would go if we went skiing in Colorado for Olivia’s bachelorette party? Who would go bar-hopping in New Orleans for Keri’s bachelorette party? Who would go if we went waterskiing/bar-hopping in Florida for a joint bachelorette party?”

While I would’ve loved to have gone away for my bachelorette party, it just wasn’t in my friends’ budgets/schedules, so we stayed local. But everyone I wanted there was there, and I wouldn’t change that for anything.

Do you think Olivia and Keri should throw a combined bachelorette party? Should they ask their friends if they’d attend separate bachelorette parties? Should they do their own bachelorette parties no matter who’d go?