never play leap frog with a unicorn.

April 29, 2019

Is it a quarter-age crisis?

Who would want to be an adult? As a little girl, I remember dreaming of the freedom and power of adulthood. Setting your own bedtime. Eating ice cream whenever you wanted to. No homework. No school. It sounded blissful.

Then I grew up. And nowadays, I dream about my bed by about 4pm, I have to work much longer than six hours each day, and I don’t get to do that sitting beside my best friends gossiping.

Personal growth and evolution are rites of passage, so we’re told, but they’re also damn uncomfortable. Uneasiness seems to be a pervasive trend among people of my age and stage. What are we doing with our lives? What happens next? What is the meaning of it all? And are we really going to be doing this day-in, day-out for the rest of our lives until we die?

Much scorn has been heaped on the millennial quarter-life crisis. We lack perseverance, we have an overly idealistic view of the world, our desire for flexibility and joy in life means we’re soft. We’ve heard it all before. But I wonder whether our existential anxiety stems from something deeper. In an increasingly chaotic and meaningless world, we’re facing huge challenges as a generation. We feel the responsibility for fixing things like climate change keenly. We face enormous upheaval as technology continues to disrupt our career security. We’re living our lives on the crest of a wave of hypersonic change.

We’re also living in a time of curated social media perfection, where our social touchpoints can foster an environment of one-upmanship and self-loathing. We’re one of the most connected and tech-savvy generations – though I suspect we’ll soon be overtaken by those young whippersnappers Generation Z – but we’re also one of the most anxious. I would hazard a guess that those two things might be related.

Milestones (ergh) and the unnecessary pressure that can come with feeling like you’ve got to tick boxes at certain junctions is ludicrous. Thankfully, I say it’s time to throw convention out the window and make decisions that would’ve been, if not unthinkable, then certainly frowned upon a generation back.

As we march closer to the ripe old age of 30 and beyond, a number of my Instagram friends are making major changes in their lives. One’s moving to London, one’s moving to Singapore, one moved to Sydney, three resigned and went on a one way trip around the world, one set up her own business, one changed industries completely.

Other friends are doing the things they’re “supposed” to be doing; moving in together, getting married, buying houses (well, the ones who haven’t eaten too much smashed avocado), etc. Interestingly enough, however, the two camps – the traditionalists and the changemakers – are quite equally weighted.

The well-trod path is still densely populated, but the intersections offering a different road are becoming more numerous, and more and more people are opting to exit the main track to wend their way through uncertain territory. It’s a heartening development that I hope will continue.

I’m not self-absorbed enough to think that late-20s realisations are unique to millennials. Other generations have likely gone through the same thing, which makes me think that it’s more about the age than about the generation. We may just be better positioned to convert our realisations into action.

The world has changed almost beyond recognition during our lifetime. We’ve grown up with little stability, but we’re also keenly aware that we can change things for the better. If there’s one change I hope my generation will make (other than saving the planet, achieving gender equality, and bringing about a more equitable society – no pressure) it would be to reject the rat race.

Millennials are well-known for our desire for flexibility and meaning. Those two aspirations likely contribute to late-20s career changes, overseas adventures and entrepreneurship. We may be mocked for our hope for a life filled with an equal balance of joy and toil, and for our bleeding hearts, but only by those who are either incapable of imagining a better world, or those who have been conditioned not to dream, not to be daring and not to step out of line.

Maybe the quarter-life crisis isn’t a crisis at all, but a moment of contemplation to check whether we’re on the right path. And to the naysayers, rolling their eyes at our indecision, I’d say this: what good is perseverance, if you’re persevering at something that you hate?

Here are some thoughts and feelings I’ve had recently and everything we may feel the pressure to be and feel and do right now.

To drink a matcha latte

To do yoga

To keep up with Brexit and actually understand it

To speak about anything, everyone and everything perfectly to avoid criticism

To show up to things I don’t want to go to

To go out drinking every weekend

To learn not to burst into tears when pretty much ANYTHING goes wrong

To convince the older generations in my industry to take me seriously

To convince older generations in general to take me seriously

To be saving for a house

To do F45

To keep my lady mo waxed at all times

To keep my leather boots clean through Winter

To have a huge social circle and friend group when I really can only keep up with 3 friends

To be ‘fun to be around’

All of that makes me tired just by reading it, let alone living it.

But hey, we are all doing our BEST. And we’re all finding out what path is the one for us… for now.