When Luis Enrique likened Barcelona to Disneyland, most had him down as deluded. Or maybe more right than he realised: he was, they said, living in a fantasy land. But by the end of the season they all were. The manager some hoped to drive out of the city ended up being driven round it on board an open-top bus with the league, the Copa del Rey and the European Cup, supporters chanting for him to stay. The man that could never, ever match Pep Guardiola had matched Pep Guardiola and, for the second time in six years, Barcelona had won the treble – a feat unmatched by any other team, ever.

Barcelona have won five of the past seven league titles and four of the past 10 European Cups but no one expected this. Luis Enrique’s comment came just before Christmas, at a time when Real Madrid were busy claiming the Club World Cup in Morocco and taking their winning run to 22 consecutive games. And although Madrid returned and lost to Valencia at the start of the new year, Barcelona also came back to be beaten. A 1-0 defeat at Real Sociedad provoked a crisis that led to elections being called and the sporting director being sacked. It might have led to Luis Enrique being sacked too: one poll had 68% of fans saying that they would get rid of him.

Instead, as the season ended it was Carlo Ancelotti who was booted out. Exactly a year after he had finally won the décima, the club’s 10th European Cup and the trophy that obsessed and eluded Madrid for over a decade, he was gone. Barely a few months had passed since they had talked about him as Madrid’s Alex Ferguson, the man who would oversee a long dynasty. President Florentino Pérez was asked why he had sacked Ancelotti, the ninth manager he had hired and only the second to win anything. “I don’t know,” he replied.

Barcelona extend Luis Enrique’s contract until end of 2016-17

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This was a season that was marked by the death of Jimmy Romero, the Deportivo de La Coruña fan murdered before his team’s game against Atlético at the Calderón, a death that brought with it a criminalisation of football fans and a dangerous false equivalency between chanting things and killing people. It was marked too by the investigation into match-fixing and the hope that, at long last, something might actually be done, as well as by the power struggle between the league and the federation, culminating in a law that regulates collective TV rights but is in fact a whole new constitution and a whole new order for the game in Spain.

It was a season that had started with Atlético finally getting the trophy that they had won at the end of the previous campaign – 105 days later and long after Diego Costa, Thibault Courtois, Filipe Luis and David Villa had departed. Briefly, there was the hope that they could compete for the title again. Not just them, in fact. In week nine, the table read: Barcelona 22 points, Sevilla 22, Real Madrid 21, Valencia 20, Atlético 20. “It won’t last beyond February; for now they’re just points,” said Diego Simeone, the killjoy. He’d said much the same last season but this time he was right. Barcelona finished two points clear of Real Madrid and 16 points clear of Atlético.

And yet this did feel like a competitive season, with victories harder to come by for the big two. Atlético beat Real twice, including a 4-0 win at home, their best derby result since 1947, and they, Valencia and Sevilla all made the duopoly suffer, playing like genuinely good teams. All three qualified for the Champions League too and they, like Athletic Bilbao and Villarreal who head into the Europa League, will compete next season. Sevilla beat Dnipro in the Europa League final in Warsaw, Barcelona won in Berlin, and in 32 two-leg European games or one-off finals against non-Spanish teams, Spanish teams have prevailed 30 times.

Domestically, the teams that departed the first division were Córdoba, who went straight back down after 42 years away, and UD Almería. In the second division, they’ll be joined by Real Oviedo, back from the brink of disappearance and back in professional football for the first time in 12 years. In the first division, they will be replaced by Real Betis and Sporting Gijón, for whom promotion means survival. They’ll be joined by the winner of the play-off between Zaragoza and Las Palmas, which Zaragoza lead 3-1 after the first leg.

The way the second division ended was especially insane, with the final promotion and relegation places both settled in the last minute of the last game. Osasuna survived with a last-minute goal and at the other end of the table Sporting’s players found out that they had gone up while on the pitch applauding their disappointed fans but it still wasn’t over. Up in Girona, Lugo scored in the last minute and then the teams had gone off after a bottle hit a linesman, only to be dragged back out to play the final 40 seconds, 20 long minutes later ... after they had got showered and changed and with the manager in the middle of the press conference.

So Girona, on course for the first division, stayed in the second division, where they’ll be joined by Córdoba and Almería. They were supposed to be joined by Eibar, relegated at the end of their first season in primera. But with Elche demoted because of debts to players and the taxman, the Basque side are in line to be reinstated. When? Well, with legal battles to come, that’s another question. Too late to keep hold of manager Gaizka Garitano, though, who resigned because he had been unable to keep them up.

It wasn’t quite as dramatic as in the second division but Eibar were relegated on the final day, while Granada and Deportivo survived, although the league say they will investigate Depor centre-back Alberto Lopo’s on-field request that Barcelona’s players go easy. The Galicians joined Barcelona in celebrating at the Camp Nou on the final day, coming from 2-0 down to draw 2-2. It ended up being a party for them and the first of three parties for the Catalan club, who had won the league in Madrid the weekend before.

For the most important player in Spain’s footballing history it was a fitting finale and the photo of him and Andrea Pirlo embracing is particularly poignant. The last three weekends of Xavi Hernández’s career in Europe, his 898th, 899th and 900th games, all ended in the same way: with him lifting a trophy. On Saturday May 23, it was the league trophy; the following Saturday it was the Copa del Rey, and the Saturday after that it was the European Cup. No one has ever lifted as many here. This season he and Barcelona had left nothing for anyone else.

Well, not “nothing”, exactly ... And, let’s face it, the real winner was the Colombian singer Kevin Roldan, who couldn’t have got greater publicity if he had actually asked Cristiano Ronaldo and Gerard Piqué to advertise his latest, god-awful record. It started with Roldan, Piqué joked during the treble celebrations. It didn’t. It started way before that and he wasn’t the only winner. Even Córdoba don’t go away empty-handed. Nor, of course, do Rayo Vallecano, stars of this season’s very best moment ...

Best story

Carmen Martínez Ayudo is 85, she’s a widow, and she lives in a small flat on Calle Sierra de Palomeras in the working-class neighbourhood of Vallecas, to the east of Madrid, just as she has done for the last 50 years. Or at least she did until the bailiffs came to evict her, with the help of a load of policemen, after her son defaulted on €40,000 that, unbeknownst to her, he’d secured on her home via a local loan shark. So it was that Carmen was out on the street, until a group of men came to her rescue. Those men are footballers and they play for Rayo Vallecano, coach Paco Jémez leading them into finding a new flat for Carmen, paying her rent and paying regular visits ever since. “We couldn’t just stand there,” Jémez said.

Carmen Martínez Ayudo, who was evicted from her flat and then rehomed by Rayo Vallecano players. Photograph: Andres Kudacki/AP

Best banners

The following morning Rayo, a club whose fans have long had a left-wing identity tied to the neighbourhood, and where protest is an art form, fans going dressed in Guatanamo orange this year to complain about the increasing and unjustified criminalisation of fans, they faced Celta de Vigo. Banners were hung all round the three-sided ground. “Carmen Stays”, said one. “The pride of a neighbourhood”, said another. At the end, another declared: “The evictions of a sick state/the solidarity of a working-class neighbourhood.”

Best protest

It’s hard to decide who to choose in a season in which the league, the federation and the players’ union threatened to go on strike. In fact, the only people who didn’t threaten to strike this season were the people who would have been most right to: the fans.

Worst chant

And it’s a serious one this time. The killing of Jimmy Romero led, perhaps inevitably, to a crackdown on fan behaviour and the beginnings of a process in which they were criminalised for chanting, with official reports heading to the police and weekly lists of supposedly offensive songs usually making comic and frankly ridiculous reading, with supporters denounced for such terrible taunts as “clown”. There was one that stood out for being genuinely horrible, though. The striker Rubén Castro was due in court charged with domestic abuse, relating to alleged treatment of a former girlfriend, but Betis’s fans still supported him, singing a song that described the alleged victim as a “whore” and reassured him that he had done “the right thing”. Castro has denied domestic abuse and the case is due in court. All this leads us to ...

Worst headline

When Rubén Castro scored a hat-trick soon after, La Razón ran with: “Castro abuses Valladolid.” Just let that sink in for a moment.

Most harmonious relationship

The LFP and the RFEF, of course, the bickering pair that couldn’t even agree on how the league table looked, Almería going into the final weeks in the relegation zone according to the RFEF and out of the relegation zone according to the LFP. This was the season in which Javier Tebas, the president of the league, wrote a letter to Ángel María Villar, the president of the federation, complaining that he had called him a “dickhead” in one meeting; the year he publicly accused Villar of being “irresponsible”, “harmful” and acting like “a feudal lord with his castle and his court”; and the year in which he then led the way to a new law that was effectively a palace coup that left the RFEF bemoaning the fact that they had been “run over”. Still, Villar got his own back – by not inviting Tebas to the Spanish Cup final. “I shudder to think whose hands Spanish football is in,” Tebas said. Well, quite.

Best neighbours

Álvaro Arbeloa claimed that Diego Simeone was fortunate to have the press on side – unlike, erm, Real Madrid – prompting the Atlético manager to reply: “I don’t know what he’s talking about, but we’re neighbours so next time I see him out walking the dogs I’ll ask …” “His dogs are quite a bit bigger than mine and we haven’t crossed paths yet this week, but thankfully I have no problems with him,” Arbeloa responded. “If he needs eggs and salt, he knows where my house is.” And so it was that when they met in the derby a few days later, Marca ran on an ingenious and slightly bizarre picture of eggs and salt and the headline: “Sal con huevos”, which means “salt with eggs” and also, handily, means “go out there and show you have balls”. Atlético did, Real did not.

The Atlético Madrid coach, Diego Simeone, whose dogs were revealed to be bigger than those owned by Álvaro Arbeloa. Photograph: Frank Augstein/AP

Weirdest front cover

That was weird, this was weirder. They actually did it. And they actually admitted to doing it, too. Not just admitted, in fact, but gloried in it. On the front page of a national newspaper. Yes, AS really did splash a ouija board session on its cover on the morning of Real Madrid’s Copa del Rey clash against Atlético. They even produced a video of it, just in case you doubted just how unhinged they are. In it, mad Madridista Tomás Roncero and some equally mad mates called upon the former attacker Juanito, killed in a car crash in 1992, to help them from beyond the grave as they sought another famous comeback. (Of which, incidentally, for all the talk, there have been none in two decades now.) “Are you there Juanito?” they asked. “Yes,” Juanito replied. “Can you give us a score?” they asked. “Three-nil,” Juanito said. Three-nil, eh? Hmm, that went well. Less than a minute into the game, Fernando Torres had scored and the “prediction” was in tatters. Much like their reputation, in fact.

Weirdest sight

Most merciless hype

The clásico, of course. There were just the 32 pages of buildup in Marca before the second clásico, most of it with all the substance of a pot noodle. Sport ran a series of articles with a handwriting expert who, surprise, surprise, decided that Ronaldo’s signature proves he displays “false humility, egocentrism and sensitivity to criticism”, the evil bastard. Messi’s writing meanwhile proves that he’s lovely. AS did the inevitable players’ wives video, asking: “Who wins?” And there was even a double page spread dedicated to what a load of chefs thought. Just in case you didn’t think the hype was overcooked already, like.

Most contrived link to football

More contrived even than the ladies that grace the back of AS daily, with their tenuous connection to the game and even more tenuous connection to clothing, was this advert which encouraged you to “score a goal on your table” with Montsiá rice: “the perfect play for any situation.” They couldn’t even be bothered to come up with a goalkeeper, defender or striker, but that didn’t stop them proudly proclaiming Montsiá a “great team” where “Bomba and Basmati play in midfield” and “paella is on the wings” so that you can build the “best move in the kitchen”.

Best merchandise

Staying in the kitchen, the sports dailies hawked kitted-out kitchen knives, footballing frying pans, and toasters that burn the badge on to your bread. But this time, the winner is actually a shirt. Real Madrid’s third shirt, in fact. The one with the dragon on it; a dragon that “symbolises the greatestness, glory and power of the club”, its “resistance, determination and agility on the way to victory”. Or so they said. That was one reading; another could be that it symbolises the dragon Saint George slayed. You know, Saint George: patron saint of Catalonia, the knight whose cross adorns Barcelona’s badge.

Best half-time entertainment

Jesús proposing to Esther on the pitch at Mestalla – a moment made all the more tender by the great big cuddly bat standing there with his huge foam head and a tear in his goggly acrylic eyes. And by Valencia winning of course, not least due to Pablo Sarabia wasting a great chance for Getafe. “Thank God he missed that,” Jesús said afterwards, as if a goal there would have ruined the entire day.

Best post-match entertainment

Getafe may just be the most realistic club in La Liga, the only first division team with no followers on Twitter and no Twitter at all and the club whose website carries a box that says “get your tickets here”; a box that when you click on it, takes you to a new page ... which is empty. The club, too, whose scoreboard at the Coliseum Alfonso Pérez carries six sponsors: one DYI shop, three car showrooms, one soft drink. And a brothel.

Best entertainer

The Dani Alves show was an all-singing, all-dancing extravaganza, but the winner has to be David Moyes – even if there’s something just a little bit wrong about turning up in a city with more Michelin stars per miles than anywhere in Europe and ending up dining out on the time you dined out on a packet of Wotsits. When he was sent off against Villarreal for performing the universal gesture for “you need glasses, pal”, Moyes hopped into the crowd, winked at the fans and sat to watch the rest of the game. There, a fan offered him a few crisps and he gratefully tucked in, offering a little thumbs up. Another offering was soon thrust his way but this time it was a bag of Mr Corn and this time he turned them down. That would be going too far.

David Moyes, the Real Sociedad manager, provided entertainment by taking crisps from a fan after being sent off. Photograph: SUSANA VERA/SUSANA VERA/Reuters/Corbis

Most lovable footballer

Think it’s possible not to love Celta striker Nolito? Read this: “I go and watch kids play and I see parents shouting at them and I think: ‘Leave your kid alone. You think he’s Maradona. They’re there to enjoy themselves. You’re demanding 20 goals and four overhead kicks.’” Still not convinced? How about this: asked why he didn’t go to England despite the huge pay rise, Nolito said: “Because it’s cold, it rains a lot, and the food’s bad ... Besides, what do I need more money for? All greed does is rip the bag.” Still not convinced? Ok, how about this: asked about a penalty his team were denied, he replied: “Talking about referees is like asking the lemon tree for cup cakes.” Oh, and he can play a bit too. So much so that they started calling him “Celta’s Messi”. “Nah,” he said. “I’m Nolito.”

Best return

Nolito is lovable, but no one is loved quite like The Kid. Fernando Torres returned to the Vicente Calderón seven and a half years later, the stadium filling on a sunny Sunday morning. Down in the tunnel, nervously waiting for his moment, he gathered his two children Nora and Leo and gave them a last minute pep-talk. “Now, we just walk out to the middle of the pitch and wave,” he said. “And don’t suck your thumb.” Out they went and soon the crowd were cheering a Torres goal at the north end ... a Nora Torres goal, that was. Not that they had to wait long for one from Fernando: three days later he beat Real Madrid for the first time as an Atlético player; eight days after that he went to the Bernabéu and knocked his biggest rivals out of the cup, not just scoring his first ever goal there, but scoring his second ever goal there too, both coming within a minute of kick-off at the start of each half. And in the next round, against Barcelona, he scored again. It had taken him just 38 seconds again. Thirty-eight seconds and 3,000 days. No wonder he kneeled down and kissed the turf.

Purplest patch

Torres’s three goals against Madrid and Barcelona, after a combined two and half minutes of the start, was good, but this patch was even purpler. In nominative determinism news, Alberto Bueno (Bertie Good in Spanish) jumped 10 places in the goalscoring charts in 14 minutes one Saturday afternoon in February, overtaking Sergio García, Artiz Aduriz and Nolito as the top-scoring Spaniard thanks to four goals for Rayo Vallecano between 6.23pm and 6.37pm, each greeted with the booming opening bars of the Final Countdown. It was the closest they got to Europe.

Best excuse

Luis Enrique noted that among the reasons he had left Neymar and Leo Messi out of the trip to San Sebastián in January was that they had the Copa América at the end of the season. Unlike Javier Mascherano, Dani Alves and Claudio Bravo. But the best is the former Barcelona president Sandro Rosell, the man charged with tax fraud who reportedly said he doesn’t read the small print.Rosell denies wrongdoing.

Best motivator

Before every game, Eibar’s coach, Gaizka Garitano, whacked his players in the chest as they ran out on to the pitch where, usually, they lost. “I’m going to have to starting hitting them harder,” he said.

Best trolling

Sergio Ramos was asked after one game what he thought about José Mourinho’s remarks claiming that “he is no doctor” and shouldn’t be questioning the “injuries” suffered by Chelsea’s Spain players. He replied deadpan: “Now’s not the time to talk about the Celta president.” The president’s name, for those who don’t get it, is Mouriño.

But the winner has to be Luis Enrique after AS ran a curious cover, its headline inventing a baffling metaphor to suggest that the Barcelona’s manager was in a tricky situation, swimming against the tide. “Luis Enrique does breaststroke through chewing gum”, it declared. The reaction from most was to scratch their heads and mutter “Eh?! Chewing gum?! Wha’ choo talkin’ ’bout Willis?”; the reaction from Luis Enrique was smarter. The following morning he posted a picture of Joan Barbará and Juan Carlos Unzué, two members of his coaching staff, in the offices at Barcelona’s San Joan Despí training ground. “Excitedly preparing the clásico,” ran the caption. On the desk in front of them sat a packet of chewing gum.

Best rant

It’s a one-two for Córdoba. “After one minute it was over. There were few fouls, few bollocks, and that hurts. I feel ashamed when I see – fucking great! – that Iniesta is more aggressive than we are. That hurts. With the greatest of respect to Iniesta, we all know he has other qualities ... Barcelona scored two from dead balls against us and they don’t [score from dead balls] against anyone ... We went out there before the game to ask Barcelona’s players for their shirts. Turn off the lights, let’s get out of here. It hurts. I feel ashamed ... I am sorry and they’ll be sorry too. The players who play will be the ones with balls. I’ll go down to the second division but with warriors, with players who have the knife between their teeth. They may not have a fucking clue how to play football but they’ll have the knife between their teeth. If we don’t have the knife between our teeth, there’s nothing we can do. In this shitty life, either you’re good or you’re a warrior, but you have to have something ... I know that Barcelona is not our game but either we change things or we’re going nowhere.”

Córdoba manager Miroslav Djukic might have been getting mad but, briefly, he seemed to have got it right. Córdoba had won just once all season and were going down when he said that following their defeat at Barcelona; three weeks later they were 14th, had picked up seven points from nine and scored the fastest goal of the season. It didn’t last, though, and a week after they had been relegated, the striker Florin Andone was not holding back, describing his team as “ridiculous” and “awful” following their game against Granada, telling a local radio station: “We haven’t even had a shot on goal. I’m awful. I can’t even play a fucking pass, and the team’s the same. I’m sick of everything, mate. It’s like we’re all here thinking about next season and we’re not even trying to rescue some dignity in these last three games. If we’re bad, we’re bad, mate, but we’ve at least got to show some fucking attitude and try. We can’t just go out there and let them laugh at us.”

Best punishment

No one was laughing. And Córdoba’s board agreed, which handily hid their own culpability, so they punished the players by making them travel to the final game of the season at Eibar, by bus – 797km away.

Best tackle

Worst refereeing decision

No bookings there, plenty of bookings here. Málaga’s president, Sheikh Abdullah al-Thani, kindly offered a helping hand, tweeting: “referee If you don’t have Medical glasses. Will give you free Medical glasses.” And this is a land where every ref officially uses both surnames so that you know exactly who he is the son of when all that really matters to fans is what he is the son of, where every decision is pored over, stopped, started, and rewound and every referee is attributed a preference that says more about their bias than about his. But that’s not to say they’re not wrong, and pretty often too.

The worst decision of a startlingly bad bunch belongs to Antonio Mateu Lahoz, who ruled out potentially the goal of the season, way back in week one. It was the 94th minute when Gorka Iraizoz leapt high, his back straight, and met a free-kick, thumping his header into the net to equalise. All of which would be have been pretty good anyway but was better because Iraizoz is a goalkeeper. Alas, Mateu Lahoz disallowed the goal for ... well, no one’s really sure, not even 37 weeks later. After the game, Iraizoz and Lahoz met again and the debate went on, until it finished with Gorka shrugging: “The worst thing is it was a bloody good goal.”

Best goal

It was too. And it might have won this award. But, with Gorka ruled out, someone else has to take it. There’s always something a bit special about a late goal, so Sergio García getting a 103rd-minute equaliser at 1.01 in the morning the following weekend takes some beating, yet all of these do beat it. Saúl Berjón volleyed in a ridiculously good set piece during Eibar’s 3-3 draw with Levante. The week before, his team-mate Abraham Minero had scored an even better goal at the Calderón, curling in a neat finish to a neat move. And Eibar’s first ever goal in the first division was a beauty too, from Javi Lara.

Lucas Pérez’s goal against Barcelona on the final day was not just good, it was huge. “We’re playing for our lives,” he had said, desperately, and it was wonderful to see him, a local boy and Depor fan, rescue his team. Chori Castro belted in two volleys for Real Sociedad, against Deportivo in week 31 and Rayo six weeks later. Granada’s Rubén Rochina won the ball and scored from just inside the opposition half at Anoeta. And Real Oviedo’s Miguel Linares, top scorer in Spain’s 80-team Second Division B, went one better by scoring from inside his own half to complete a hat-trick. (He also scored this, beautifully made by Héctor Font).

Best game

Here’s a sentence you probably never expected to read: Elche-Córdoba was pretty tasty. So was Eibar-Levante. Better than both was the night Barcelona became the first team to beat Villarreal, winning 3-2 at the Camp Nou. For madness, Atlético-Barcelona in the Cup had five goals, two red cards, and Turan throwing one of his boots. It was just a pity the defender Cristian Ansaldi missed it all: he turned up at the Calderón without his ID and got carted off to the police station when an argument ensued, not getting let out until well past full-time.

But if you really wanted fun this season, Sevilla were the team to watch. Their 2-2 draw with Barcelona was special and so was their 3-2 win over Espanyol in week 21, a game won 3-2 in the last minute, the scorer Iago Aspas running off screaming, tearing off his shirt. No pretence, no posing, just madness, the lid blown off at last. Aspas had made history along with Beto, Casilla, Pau and Rico: for the first time, four different goalkeepers had conceded in the same match. Better still was Sevilla’s trip to San Sebastián, which they somehow lost 4-3 in the last minute, a game with 17 shots for each team and 19 players having a go at goal. “We’ll have to watch the DVD again to work out what happened,” Sevilla’s Timothée Kolodziejczak said, quite rightly.

That’s in the first division, anyway. For real drama, the second division was the place to be. “I got taken off at 2-3. When I got out the shower, it was 3-5,” said Lugo’s Jonathan Valle, after a game against Numancia in December. That would have been bonkers enough but he hadn’t even missed the best bit. There were 11 minutes and four goals still to go, when he started drying off. Lugo made it 3-6, the game seemingly all over. But then Numancia made it 4-6 in the 83rd minute, 5-6 in the 90th and 6-6 in the 90th and a bit. And they still had time to almost grab a winner. It finished 6-6, for the first time in Segunda.

Best signing

Douglas. Or Cerci. Oh, alright then. It could be Luis Suárez, even at €81m. But it’s got to be Elche’s Jonathas.

Best manager

José Ramón Sandoval, the one-man tsunami who took charge of Granada with four games to go and on a one-month contract, managed as many wins in his first two matches as either of his two predecessors had managed in the previous 36, won a third and then led his team to survival with a draw against Atlético. Rayo surviving is so normal now that it barely warrants comment but, on the division’s smallest budget and with 18 players in and 18 players out in the summer, not one player in the squad having cost a cent in transfer fees, it remains a miracle and one that’s brilliant to watch. No one talks about Marcelino at Villarreal, but they should. And Javi Gracia’s Málaga fell away but the job he did was superb and included not conceding a goal against Barcelona; no one else had a better record against them, anywhere.

Nuno is great big bear of a man, oozing charisma and guiding Valencia back to the Champions League with the assistance of Ian Cathro, whom Nuno says is “genius” and who has now set off on his own. Keep an eye on him – he may well be huge. Unai Emery took Sevilla to a second Europa League title and a 36-game unbeaten run at the Sánchez Pizjuán that went back more than a year, understanding better than anyone that it’s glory that counts. But it’s impossible not to choose Luis Enrique. “I’m tall, handsome and Asturian,” he said the day he was presented. He’s a treble winner too.

• “Reaching the Cup final and beating Real Madrid? Would I have signed up for this? Bloody hell, I would have signed that in blood” – Valverde enjoys his best week.

• “The only thing you have to fear is death” – Getafe’s manager, Cosmin Contra.

• “We’re not playing Ludo” – Getafe’s midfielder Juan Rodríguez.

• “Why take Messi off? The idea is to enjoy him as much as we can” – Luis Enrique nails it. Eventually.

• “Football is emotion. There’s an economic [imperative] but what fans really want is to enjoy their team. If you have money but don’t generate feeling, it’s worthless. You play the Champions League but get knocked out in the group, losing all your games. Sure, you’ve made €20m, but that means nothing to me.” – Sevilla’s coach, Unai Emery, nails it too.

• “I don’t know who sets the kick-off times but whoever it is, they don’t think about the players or the fans” – so does Rakitic.

• “I didn’t study journalism, but I do know what the truth is” – Javier Mascherano.

• “Because I am the manager and I decide” – Marcelino explains why he left out Vietto and Cheryshev.

“If I was the president I would sack the coach and almost the entire squad. We’re not good enough for the first division. We’re going to suffer like dogs ... dogs, I say” – Paco Jémez is not impressed with his Rayo Vallecano team.

• “Thank you for the day you gave us” – after his team beat Real Madrid 4-0, Diego Simeone addresses his players and nicely sums up what it’s all about.