Tag Archives: Chris Harrison

One Sentence Summary: Andi gets to choose with which man she’ll have a disappointing relationship.

Our Thoughts:

Hy’s back for his second helping of bullshit.

Rachel: I have to admit that since Chris got unceremoniously sent home on the Fantasy Suite date – before he even got to get some fantasy going – I have been holding a silent protest against the rest of the show. I mean he was the only thing left worth tuning in for. I guess, in retrospect, I should be glad she didn’t pick him, seeing as how she’s spared him the future disappointment of her hating Iowa. Let’s be honest, that girl wasn’t ever going to be into baling hay. Common sense tells us that he’ll be the next Bachelor, so at least there’s that. Common sense also tells us that Andi’s going with what she says she’s always dated and picking Josh. Is there any question? I just hope someone brings some drama tonight, because this is going to be a long 3 hours otherwise. Let’s get it started…

Rachel: Aw, Lawd… Do we really have to do the live audience viewing party thing again? It’s such a waste of my… wait wait wait… Did Chris just say that the dude Andi rejects tried to confront her about his dismissal while she was on vacation & on the Men Tell All? Well, clearly she rejects Nick then. There’s no doubt which of the two would be prone to lurking and stalking. I mean why don’t you just spare us the two hours and go right to the final rose? Well, I guess abc has to fill the airtime so here we go… Continue reading →

One Sentence Summary: The Hometowns are upon us as the final four pray their families play it sane for a day.

Our Thoughts:

Do not dare speak of things not directly related to me.

Rachel: Oh boy, it’s hometowns. Time to get real with the ‘rents. Yes, it’s the part of this charade where people’s children bring home a stranger that is dating 3 other people and everyone pretends it’s normal. You know, because it’s every parents dream to have their kid pathetically drool over someone they’ve known for less than 2 months and has given nothing more in return than a few rounds of tonsil hockey. It’s actually shocking that there aren’t more parents that call shenanigans on the whole thing. Aside from the fact that I’m pretty sure my parents wouldn’t indulge me this nonsense, I cannot imagine my father remotely thinking it was fantastic that some dude was playing me a like a corner store harmonica. I actually have no idea what that means, but I think it’s allusion to being cheap. Go with it. Yeah, my dad would be the one on the couch in his “Sarcasm Is Just One Of My Many Talents” t-shirt flipping through the channels on TV waiting for everyone to leave. Well, if I ever become the Cougar Bachelorette, I’ll just have to Rent-A-‘Rent. Let’s work on that…

Melissa: I know… I know… where have I been?? It’s the day job my friends… creates havoc on my romance with “quality” television. My DVR is a nightmare of shows craving my attention. Fortunately, I’ve been able to keep up with Miss Andi’s antics through my partner’s genius write-ups. I’m happy to say Farmer Ted, sorry Farmer Chris is still around. (I’m not really a farmer. I’m a freshman.) I know, just wanted to work in an obscure movie reference. Chris is my favorite, so I’m tickled he’s still around to make my viewing less painful. I’m also glad I’m back for the Hometown Dates. You all know how much I love a hometown date. Yes, it’s the trip that can make or break the relationship depending how much the fam has bought into this pomp and circumstance dating.

Cheesy

Stop It! They sell food… inside???

Rachel: Stop 1 – Milwaukee, WI

We start with Nick and his family. I wonder if they know he’s insane. Or maybe you lose track of sanity when you have 10 kids. It makes me kind of crazy just thinking about 10 children… in one house… at the same time. And why must he always wear the scarf? Is it really that cold everywhere?

One Sentence Summary: Hometown dates are on the line, but only one of the bachelors thinks it’s in the bag.

Our Thoughts:

You can never leave me. I won’t allow it.

Rachel: It’s official, Chris is now my number 1 guy. I know how you’ve been waiting with bated breath for that announcement. He’s just the only guy left that seems like an actual grown up to me. That and he’s hot. Like he’d totally pull your hair hot. Wait, did I say that out loud? Ahem, anyway… I find the rest of the guys boring as as hell, minus Nick who is just insane. Sorry, ladies, but the dude is not in his right head. Between the constant smug smile, the “Andi is mine” commentary and the soulless eyes (see photo to the left), I’m telling you, he’s one more group date away from bat shit. Something about that guy makes my skin crawl. I think he actually studied Courtney from Ben’s season and is mimicking her tactics. I’m just waiting for him to show up in a white bikini and go for a swim behind Andi while she’s having one-on-one time with a guy. Oh it could happen. Very easily…

Belgian Boys

This is totally natural! We aren’t forcing this at all!

Rachel: The boys arrive in Brussels and wander the streets in their scarves and hoodies. And once again, are they forced to dress like J Crew clones? Oh no, Dylan, no. A ponytail on a boy is never a good idea. A half ponytail is even worse. Hey look, Chris Harrision is working again. Nice of you to show up for a change. He has met them in the next in a series of sick hotels wearing his cashmere blazer to remind them that this is it before hometown dates. Oh right, it’s a hometown visit on the line this week. Shit’s about to get real. Well, real-ish. The only rose is on the group date this week.

One Sentence Summary: Truth doesn’t get in the way of searching for love in Venice.

Apparently, Chris Harrison can’t be bothered to show up anymore.

Our Thoughts:

Rachel: Well, now that Andi has gotten rid of Patrick before I could find out if my crush was more than just on his hair, I find myself not thrilled with the posse she has left. I’m still Team JJ, but usually I have at least one runner-up that I’m rooting for behind the scenes. I mean I’m not mad at Dylan. He’s still a cutie, but I’m still waiting on the personality to bubble on up now that he’s shared his secret. Any day now… Any day… And I could like Josh if I actually believed he was for real. There’s something about him that makes me think we might have a Jake Pavelka on our hands. You know, seems all shiny and fabulous, until you make him mad. Hopefully, I’m wrong. Don’t think I am, though. Other than that, the rest of the playing field holds no special appeal… And someone PLEASE explain Cody to me. I’m sure he’s a lovely person but… well… I just don’t see it. So yeah, let’s go JJ and get this party started.

Left In The Dust

Apparently, Chris can’t be bothered to show up anymore.

Rachel: Ah yes, now they’re in Venice. Because that’s fair. The boys sail into town, literally, and Nick knows he has some work to do, because he sucked on last week’s Group Date… Um, yeah, but I believe the term you’re looking for is “salty”. While the guys stand around and wonder who’s getting the date card, we get deep thoughts from Andi. What better place to fall in love than Venice? Her feelings are getting deeper. She still has questions though… someone wake me up when this part is over. There’s some more yada yada yada, until the guys roll up on their fair maiden herself. Continue reading →

Why You’re Here

We take the best parts of some bad tv, break ‘em down over a few glasses of vino (funny flows better when wine flows freely) and share them with you so you don’t have to waste hours of your life watching on your own. You're welcome.

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