Case Number 08682

Shadow: Dead Riot

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All Rise...

The birthing scene in this film disturbed Judge David Johnson only slightly more than that "Miracle of Life" wackiness from ninth grade biology class.

The Charge

If I were a bloodthirsty zombie, I suppose I'd head for the nearest women's
prison as well.

Opening Statement

Tony Todd, the dude from Candyman stars
as Shadow, a supernaturally evil criminal who comes back to life and menaces a
pile of half-naked female prisoners with his zombie friends.

Facts of the Case

When Solitaire (Carla Greene) walks into the rehabilitation women's prison,
she knows not what awaits her. Choosing to keep to herself, and living up to her
name, she tries to make it through the daily shower-times as unscathed as
possible. Too bad, Mondo, the big kahuna in gen pop is protective of her turf.
She sees Solitaire as a threat, and continually tries to mess with her, despite
Solitaire's mad skills with the kung fu.

The beatdowns catch the attention of the warden and her pissy chief guard,
and Solitaire is often sent to solitary confinement to cool her heels. But
clashes with fellow inmates and the occasional slap across her face will prove
to be the least of Solitaire's worries. She senses a big bad evil stirring
within the prison, and fears that whatever it is may be coming back to do some
serious damage.

Here instincts serve her well. The prison is indeed cursed. Years ago, an
evil hombre named Shadow was about to be executed, when he started working some
Hellish mojo. Whatever he had going on, it affected the prisoners, who
immediately flipped out and started rioting. The guards were forced to shotgun
them all to death and toss the bodies into a mass grave (is that consistent with
state regs?).

Now, two decades later, Shadow is poised to return, and bring with him an
army of undead prisoners to terrorize the current occupants. But for Solitaire,
there is an even more sinister link and she will find herself the personal
mission of Shadow himself. It will take all of her martial arts prowess, as well
as some hideous special effects, to take down the zombie horde.

Let's unpack this flick, and see how it measures up with our desired
excesses, shall we?

"really crappy" Look, this flick is tiny-budgeted and
sports some really cheesy effects. There's a demonic baby that plays a pivotal
role in the film (see more about this below), which is obviously just an
unmoving plastic prop. Director Derek Wan doesn't even try to bring that
thing to life! The acting is poop-laden across the board, with Carla Greene
delivering her lines with the charisma of a cord of firewood and Tony Todd
hamming it up like a crazy man. Finally, the story is dispensable, a variation
on pretty much every other zombie film—but to be fair, the narrative
serves only as a way to bring on the zombies and the blood and guts. And the
less said about the special effects, the better.

"tongue-in-cheek" This is not a serious horror film,
and that right there is one of the flick's saving graces. When that baby hits
the screen (channeling the demon kiddo from Dead Alive), Shadow kisses it hard horror credibility bye-bye.
From the bizarre moment when the baby's mom "Preggers" gives birth in
the middle of the prison field (conveniently right over Shadow's grave who soaks
up the after-birth and reaches through the ground and grabs the kid), to scene
after scene of this baby flying through the hair chomping throats, this little
bastard brings welcome levity to what could have been a tedious ninety
minutes.

"zombie splatterfest" While there is a fair amount of
goop in the run up to the zombie assault (most notably a blood-vomiting scene
and the aforementioned birthing sequence), the first hour largely sets the stage
for the decomposing marauders and their sinew-soaked final third. When they do
run loose, the filmmakers unleash the Karo syrup and apparently every prosthetic
device they could get their hands on. Gorehounds should enjoy these proceedings,
despite the relatively low quality of the effects.

"women-in-prison film" There are many
not-quite-attractive women who walk around topless and take showers
together.

"stilted martial arts sequences" A big deal is made
of how the film's fight scenes were done by Leung Siu-Hung, who worked on Enter the Dragon and Legend of
Drunken Master. While I won't deny this guy's skills, there's only so much
one can do with actors who aren't up to snuff. Seeing two uncoordinated women
swinging rakes at each other does not wow me.

Shadow: Dead Riot enjoys a 1.77:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer with
some weird color saturation. Colors alternated between super-bright and
washed-out, especially with respect to skin tones. But that blood sure was red!
A quiet 5.1 surround mix is outshined by a louder 2.0 stereo track. A decent 16
minute behind-the-scenes feature joins a photo gallery and some trailers in the
extras department.

Closing Statement

This movie is ridiculous and corny, but soaked in fluid and goofy,
over-the-top gore sequences. Is it worth tracking down? Maybe. I think it can
provide a night of fun for the right audience (read: teenage boys suffering from
the effects of lead paint).

The Verdict

The movie sucks, but the court is willing to look the other way on account of
that crazy baby.