Poll: By Wide Margin, Democrats Want Biden in All Remaining Debates

DANVILLE, KY (The Borowitz Report)—In a poll of Democratic voters taken immediately following Thursday night’s Vice-Presidential debate, a wide majority said they wanted Vice-President Joe Biden to appear in all remaining 2012 debates.

According to the constitutional scholar Davis Logsdon, of the University of Minnesota, the scenario of Mr. Biden appearing in all the remaining debates, while surely unorthodox, is within the realm of possibility: “According to the Constitution, the Vice-President steps in when the President is unable to fulfill his duties. Based on the first debate, that seems to be the case.”

Mr. Biden got off to a strong start in the debate, which began with moderator Martha Raddatz asking him and Rep. Paul Ryan, “Gentlemen, first question: To the best of your ability, smirk sarcastically at your opponent.”

The Vice-President rose to that challenge, smiling broadly and snickering throughout all of Mr. Ryan’s answers, and characterizing them with virtually every Irish synonym for shit.

Mr. Biden’s performance clearly wowed the Democratic voters in the post-debate poll, as ninety per cent of them “strongly agreed” with the statement, “Obama should crush a little bit of Joe Biden into a joint and smoke it.”