While working out their divorce through mediation, clients will sometimes comment on the therapeutic effect of the process, both positive, “I was able to say things to my spouse that I had never been able to say before,” and sometimes negative, “This isn’t therapy, you know, let’s move on to the point.”

Many people are uncomfortable expressing emotions and state very clearly that they would rather just focus on making the necessary concrete decisions. However in times of divorce, while in the midst of discussing parenting schedules, division of property or even financial agreements, a flood of sentiments may emerge to the surface. Resentments may come in the way of resolutions, or the conversation may well open up a dialogue. I have even witnessed separating parties express apologies and forgiveness.

Some people may feel the need to seek help from a mental health professional during or after the mediation process. In cases where someone may also be struggling with depression, excessive anxiety, or some form of addiction, which can make it even more difficult for them to work through a divorce, additional mental health support most often will be needed.

The mediation process is certainly not therapy, but mediators, like mental health professionals, help people in crisis, encourage them to communicate better and assist them with relationships in transition. Each professional addresses these issues from a different perspective. I believe that as mediators we need to work hand in hand with mental health professionals to better assist our clients in coming to terms with their crisis so that they can better get on with their lives.

If you are a mental health professional and are interested in having a conversation with me on how we can help our clients better cope with the issues they encounter during a separation and/or divorce, please feel free to contact me.

Comments & Replies from Social Media__________________________________________________

In divorce mediation, when the parties are stuck on issues, I try to introduce their mutual care for their children. It is, in most cases, a concern they can both appreciate and share. In high conflict couples, this is not always effective, but in any mediation there are those “aha” moments that send shivers along my spine as people discover what is really underneath the conflict for them. Psychologists probably are accustomed to witnessing these phenomena, but as a person from the financial planning profession, I was not. I am grateful and almost shy that they can so open themselves in the safety of the mediation space.

By Joyce Mitchel (via LinkedIn)

__________________________________________________

Good article Jennifer! I am always amazed when my divorcing clients tell me that they have never communicated so well as they did during their mediation. It gives me a great feeling to know that I was able to help them. I am also a big fan of recommending therapists to my clients during and after the process

By Roseann Vanella (via LinkedIn)

__________________________________________________

As mediators, we certainly do help people in crisis. How? We demonstrate empathy through reframing and active listening. It has been stated that although listening is generally in decline with attention spans dropping from 42 to 38 seconds, more people over time will pay professionals to listen to their financial, personal, and unmet needs.

By John Turley (via LinkedIn)

__________________________________________________

People often find themselves in a conflict trap where the dynamic of their conflict ensnares them both in its grip and the participants are unable, on their own, to escape. Mediators can often find a way to interrupt the usual dynamic and help people find a way to communicate more effectively around difficult conversations.

This is an important message to get out, Jennifer. Too many times I have found mental health professionals concerned that a family mediator is a competitor rather than a potential complementary partner in helping a family. There is a place for both…

Ben, thank you for your comment; there definitely is a place for the mediator and for the mental health professional as support for the client in mediation. We all need to clear some pre conceived ideas so the public is better informed.

contact us today

subscribe to jennifer’s blog

what people are saying

“Thank you so much for your help through our separation. As difficult as it is, you have been such a calm and reassuring force.” – A.F.

“I wanted to thank you for being such a help in this situation. It might not seem like you’ve done much but just having you there in the room changed everything – really. I do understand that its not your job to take sides and that its important for you to remain impartial. I do wish it were possible to show you, though, how radically different that conversation was just because you were there listening.”– MB.

“Jennifer Safian is a remarkable mediator. She is able to combine realism and compassion and she brings both to the mediation table. Her intelligent and thoughtful approach empowers parties to be the very best they can be when crafting a divorce agreement, focusing on the best interests of all involved including the children.”– Jenny Besch, Director, Mediation Center Serving Westchester & Rockland Counties

“I wish I had known that mediation even existed before we went and spent all that time and money on legal fees and got nowhere. Thank you for helping us work things out in such a short time.”– B.

“Thank you Jennifer for guiding us through our mediation and divorce. I had no knowledge of what to do or expect. I was guilty of believing these myths. Thanks for a fightless, smooth agreement.”– Safian Mediation Client

Mediation

Satisfaction For You Both

In mediation, you can be as creative as you wish to be. Only you know the specifics of your lives, what works for you and what does not. As your mediator, I’m there to help you “think outside of the box”, if necessary, sometimes coming up with non traditional answers, but answers that will satisfy not only your financial needs but your emotional needs as well.