Tag: #blog

So i’ve become a gardener. I bought gloves, seeds, a hat and anything else gardening-ish that would make me legit. I have this problem (and my husband can vouch) that when i find something i’m interested in, it consumes me. I go full force into said thing for a solid three months until i move onto something else. Michael still dislikes me for the piano he had to move into our old little house that i played 4 times. I’ve tried to change this about me but in all my 25 years, i just can’t.

I have the fight to start something but rarely to finish it. I would love to have home grown peppers and tomatoes on my plate but i don’t know if i want to put in the work to grow them. I want instant gratification. Don’t we all?

The thing about gardening is there’s weeds. I have kept myself up at night thinking, “what if i can’t tell the difference between weeds and my precious little veggies?” Of course like most things in my life, my brain takes me somewhere else altogether. I started thinking about my own life and how sometimes i can’t tell the difference in weeds and these beautiful, nutritious things i have growing. Between the lies i tell myself and the truth.

I was thinking about my garden and how i would be so disappointed if i watered it and talked to the peppers like i was a plant whisperer and killed them because i thought they were weeds. But if you don’t pluck the weeds, they will suck all the life out of your plants until it kills your garden completely.

The thought of taking care of something scares me to death. How i’ve managed to keep two dogs alive for a few years is beyond me. But learning to keep things alive is molding me to be a better human. (i hope)

One of the biggest lies i tell myself is that i can’t do it. I looked at my husband literally ten minutes after i planted my seeds and said, “these will never grow.” And that’s a lie i constantly tell myself. “Brooke, you won’t succeed. You won’t make this job, marriage, relationship or garden last.” And that’s my lie.

Lies become crutches. Sometimes you tell yourself lies so much that you don’t know the truth. You don’t know the difference between a weed or your tomato. If you are feeding your lies more than your truths, they will grow larger and larger and overtake your mind. Whatever you tell yourself and whatever lies you think are harmless, have the potential to suck the life out of you. Whatever lies you are feeding yourself, cut them off at the root.

This is so much easier said than done, i know. You literally have to retrain your brain. You have created this groove in your brain that keeps getting deeper and deeper with whatever lie you are telling yourself. Just like a carpenter carving away creating deep grooves. He has the power to create so many different objects but it depends on how he uses his knife.

Loving yourself is hard when we live in a world so quick to condemn. I’m cutting my lies off and not showing them any sunlight slowly but surely. I have a good friend who tells me all the time that i am worthy to be happy and deserve it. And i PROMISE you, if you keep telling yourself that, it will grow and grow and give you more nourishment than you could ever imagine.

A prayer you can use:

“Lord help me know what lies i feed myself and what truths i feed myself. Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference. Please help me distinguish them and make them black and white. Show me the weeds in my life. Show me how to stop them from growing. Help me retrain my brain with truth and not lies. I want to be alive.”

I have prayed and prayed about what to write about. I’ve started writing a few blogs and then they just came to a halt. I realized today I knew what i needed to write about…I’ve actually known for a while and I keep saying, “not today God…NOT TODAY.” But God pushed me and not in a bad way. I want to start off by saying I am not a medical professional. I have my degree in Psychology but so does half of America. You can pretty much google different disorders and hey, you probably know just as much as i do. But, I am going to talk about this because it’s personal. I’ve been going to therapy on and off for about 7 years. If anyone who has a mental illness knows this to be true, when you think you’re better, you think you’re ALL better. Medicine tricks you sometimes into believing you’re okay. Anxiety, for me, has been a lot like that. I thought I was better and needed no help only to take 10 steps back.

Recently, my anxiety has increased dramatically. I blame my job and having a lot on me but thats probably not the case. The case is that I think I can handle it alone then I realize I just can’t. My anxiety comes in waves. It’s a constant struggle of wanting solitude and wanting to be with friends. I want to handle my crap myself. I want to be bigger than any mental illness. Unfortunately, you can’t wish anxiety away. In a world that’s fallen & fractured, nervousness and worry lurks around every corner.

Have you ever almost missed a step while walking down the stairs and your heart races but usually subsides within a few seconds? Imagine that feeling lasting anywhere from 2-30 minutes multiple times a day and you have no control over when or where it happens. Followed by sweating and feeling like you’re going to faint and you can not catch your breath. There’s such a stigma when it comes to mental illnesses that needs to cease. I’ve known about my anxiety for years but no one else has. I’ve been called antisocial, snobby, shy, awkward and pretty much everything except a white girl. All because no one knew I was dealing with something that wasn’t visible like a broken leg. Imagine someone telling you it’s in your head and you’re just being dramatic. It’s a constant battle of wanting to be brave and wanting to crawl in a hole and never come out because you feel like no one understands how you feel. Anxiety is relentless and there have been days where I feel like I just can’t go on.

There is one thing that has helped me more than medicine, therapy and solitude ever could and that’s Jesus.

If anxiety, fear, stress or worry creeps up on you, remember, you are only human. That God forgave you for your sins and you are PRECIOUS. I have constant feelings of inadequacy. Like no matter what I do at my job or my relationships that I just am not enough. I always had this weird connection with the stars. Ever since I was a little kid, I could just look at them for hours and feel how powerful they are. Then I stumbled across this verse..

“Look up into the heavens. Who created all the stars? He brings them out like an army, one after another, calling each by its name. Because of his great power and incomparable strength, not a single one is missing.”- Isaiah 40:26

How much more valuable are you than the stars?? If the same God who calls stars an army, imagine what He’s doing in your favor if you are willing and unafraid.

The bible tells us that we will have trials and hardships. Anxiety is a tool that the enemy uses. Knowing that gives me extreme peace. In most cases, I am anxious over something I have no control over. That’s when God steps in.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”- Phil. 4:6

The best defense is continuously communicating with Him, sprinkled with thanksgiving. Try to confess and talk about your nervousness.

It took me a while to seek help. Talking about what is bothering you really puts things into perspective. Saying how you are feeling out loud speaks volumes about you and that you will not be defeated. The words you say or type have complete power over your life. His word is powerful. Speak it in victory and not fear.

If you are having any of the symptoms I talked about above, i encourage you to seek medical help, but also pray. pray without ceasing. I hope you love yourself enough to take care of yourself.

“The LORD is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?”-Psalm 118:6

If you are in this battle, you are not alone. The devil can use it for evil but only God can use it for good. God speaks volumes about rest in the bible. He created the Sabbath specifically for it. Rest and realize God is on your side. It’s all downhill from there.

4) Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5) It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.-1 Corinthians 4-5.

I have read this verse a dozen times over the past decade. Always skimming over it. Always acknowledging the words but not digesting them. Until one morning, “it keeps no records of wrongs” smacked me in the face. You see that’s how my brain works. It will bring up intense things I HAVE to share while just drinking my coffee and it won’t leave me alone until i do it justice by writing about it.

I may be non confrontational but I can remember you trying to cut my hair with scissors in the first grade. I will hold you accountable even if i’m the only one. I realize a lot of my relationships have failed because of this. My, “how could you do that to ME?” fight was no better than us working through it and me bringing it up 5 years down the road..

I have had an argument in the past that literally went something like this…

Him: “why won’t you come to see me?”
Me: “because you didn’t come come see me 2 years ago when i asked..”

Back then i thought i was doing the right thing. I thought I was winning. The, ‘i’ll make you regret doing that to me’ ego that most people have will not let you win. I have hung up the phone thinking i showed him….No. I have showed him that I am too immature to stay silent when no words were needed. No jabs to the throat were needed. That is not love. Holding someone accountable is God’s job…I’m not saying to let people run all over you but this is not your job. How can you ever focus on yourself if you have a mental tally system going on in your head of every time someone doesn’t live up to par for you? You have enough to worry about. This is not love. Love keeps no records of wrong. Try it for a day. Then try it for a week. Then a month. Stop punishing people for the same sin they’ve repented for years ago. I promise it will make you less stressed. There’s a valuable lesson to be learned when you forgive and don’t bring it up years down the road. It’s called peace.

Someone told me this was good…this was good that I knew how to change. I hope so…

Sometimes, I can’t do anything else but write. Sometimes, that’s really all I need to do anyways. Even if no one gets it. Even if i’m standing alone. I don’t write for anyone but myself. But maybe one day, when i’m lucky, someone will find it and it will just click. Like i wrote this for you and only you.

“You choose the love you wait for,” he said. Sometimes people say things just to be saying them. Sometimes the words they say have meaning they don’t even realize. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Waiting. How people wait for basically everything. Some people wait to be released. Some wait to be returned. People wait for a love worth it. Some people are nostalgic for a love that hasn’t happened yet. And someone needs to tell you that’s okay. It’s okay.

People are funny & lovely. I hear people i know every day say how they hate people and people got the short end of the stick when it comes to brains. But, I love people. I love how people can change and how they can change you.There are people that come as flowers. Have you ever been walking and stopped to realize a flower is maneuvering its way up through the cracks in the concrete, waving, saying, “hey look at me! it’s the hardest place to break through, but here i am, all five pink petals of me!” I relate people to that because some people can get to you so effortlessly. They can break through your hardest parts like no. big. deal. They make the ugly, gray, hard parts of you a little more pleasant. Those people are easy to love. You don’t really have to try because they did all the effort. They grew in the midst of you and made you more alive.

Then there are people who are bombs. Not bombs. Shrapnels. Some people are just shrapnels. They can work two ways. They can protect you in the middle of war. The ones you need when you are cornered in a bunker with no way out. They get you out alive. But some bombs of people explode while you’re holding them. The shrapnel that could once protect you is now embedded in your flesh and with every piece you pull out, there’s remnants of the explosion. You will never be the same after you get hit with shrapnel. You will carry that battle wound and scar of a person around until you meet your maker. It shocks me. How often the things that hurt looks like the things that help you.

You don’t fight wars with flowers and you don’t plant gardens with bombs. Both are crucial. Both are detrimental. I hope you have some beautiful flowers in your life. I hope you have had some full on wars that have left you to appreciate the flowers. Whichever love you choose to wait for, it’s worth it.

A friend told me recently that to be comfortable is to be stagnant. It made me think, who wants to be stagnant? I remember going camping with my parents around the age of 9. The hike took forever and my nine year old chunky self was not a fan. But, some of the lessons you learn when you’re young will play a huge role in your life later on, whether you realize it or not. On this trip, I went to fill up my water bottle with water that I could reach, that wasn’t ever-flowing, that was stagnant. My step dad grabbed the water bottle from me and told me never to drink stagnant water, that there are mosquitos surrounding it and it carries bacteria and to always drink running water because it is fresh and clean and always moving from deep in the mountain.

I thought about this after my friend told me that being comfortable is being stagnant. You don’t drink stagnant water because it can harm you, so why are people so comfortable living a stagnant life? Running water is beautiful, fresh and better for your well being. It can also be dangerous. Falling into powerful running water with a rip current can harm you if you aren’t careful and can take you under. But that’s the thing, you have to risk that chance in order to have fresh clean water without any bacteria that can harm you from the inside.

Being stagnant in life to many can seem appealing. There’s no rip current, no movement, no danger. But who is happy there? Jumping off a waterfall gives you more adrenaline than floating at the bottom. Constantly moving is something everyone should be doing. We should not remain stagnant. We should not be afraid of falling in and going under. We should take that leap and drink from that fresh current.

I like scary. More times than not, being scared of something leads to something great. Another level of yourself that you need reviled. I hope everyone who reads this picks the current. Swim against it, take a gulp of water from that mountain instead of safely filling your bottle up with shallow, dirty, non-fullfiling water. Choose. Is this the life you want to live? Is this the job you want? Is this the person you want to love? Choose. I used to think by the time I was 25 I would have it all figured out. I don’t. And that may be one of the biggest blessings in disguise.

Everyone puts the biggest emphases on this holiday. Whether it’s someone being bitter about this money driven holiday or some white girl tagging how lucky she is on insta with her new Michael Kors watch, this holiday is either dreaded with a bottle of jack or welcomed with over priced flowers.

When I was in high school, on Valentine’s Day, you could buy a rose and send it to someone within the school. I can not for the life of me remember if i got a rose any of the four years of my high school career. I’m so sure at the time I secretly wanted one but ten years later, WHO CARES if Nick from Algebra got you a dollar rose!??

My little sister is 13 and she is so much smarter and wiser than i was. At 13, it is so hard to realize this is not what matters in the long run. I wish I could go back and tell myself and tell her how one day, Valentine’s Day will matter only because of the person God chooses you to be with. That no amount of flowers and candy in the world will compare to the nights me and my future Valentine will be in bed at 8:30 on Valentines night.

This time last year i was in Atlanta with my best friend. It is perfectly okay to be single on Valentines Day. Actually, it was one of the best weekends i’ve ever spent with her. Don’t take yourself too seriously and let me say this ladies and gentlemen, it is better to be alone than with someone you know you can’t marry or trust.

Hindsight is 20/20. If you’re single, ENJOY it!
Live alone–you can do whatever, whenever you want! it’s awesome.
Quit your dead end job–trust me, you won’t get to when you have two mouths to feed.
Travel–and don’t tell a soul.
Eat well–Eat that pizza at 2 am with no one there to judge you.
Take trips with your bff–go somewhere fun and shop, eat and party.
Splurge–buy that dress, that xbox, that concert ticket. there will be plenty of time for bills and joint checking accounts later.

Some people live their whole lives and never get married? Guess what? Life isn’t about getting married, life is about being who God called you to be. God will fulfill you, not someone texting you at midnight because he or she is cold (yes, girls do this too.)
I just happened to find a pretty cool guy to spend the rest of my Valentines days with..but i promise, if i didn’t, i would not be sulking about it. Timing, timing, timing.

Even if you are in a relationship, remember that anyone can get you a ring and anyone can say the right words but God will lead you to the right person. Marry someone with a purpose. Don’t take me to a fancy restaurant, show me where you plan to be in 5 years. Marry someone with goals and dreams and someone who puts God first so he can love you like he loves Christ. When you do that, you don’t have to wait for Feb 14th to celebrate your love for one another, you can celebrate each other 365 days a year.

XO,

B

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“It is better to see something once than to hear about it a thousand times.”–Asian Proverb

My life right now is crazy, I have 348 things on a plate that only holds 10. Between working a full time job, planning my wedding, working out, moving to a new house and trying to launch my new business, life just gets in the way. So, I decided I would write about something I love, traveling.

My favorite possession is my passport. I think of it as a key that can unlock just about anything. I was so excited that I got to use it for the first time last August for Mexico!
Before I talk about that trip, I’m going to tell a story.
My junior year at college, I had this professor, lets call him Dr. S. Dr. S. was the biggest douche bag I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. I loathed this man. He made me cry, he made me mad, he made me think, he made me question, he made me a more knowledgeable person.

So, my final for this class was a one on one with me and Dr. S. It was going to last 50 minutes and he would ask me one question of his choice and I had to tell him why I felt the way I did. I racked my brain, thinking the question would be about God or abortion or why I ate processed meat. Nope. He asked me the simplest, yet complicated question in the history of mankind. Here is how this final oral exam played out.

Dr. S.: Brooke, you didn’t speak much in class, so I’m curious to your answer to your final question….if you could do anything on earth right now, what would make you the happiest?
Me: (thinking to myself, ‘that’s it?!?! this crazy man wants to know what makes me freakin happy?!’) well…i would travel.
Dr. S.: Travel where?
Me: Everywhere.
Dr. S.: Then quit school.
Me: But, I need money to travel. This will be the hoop I jump through to travel.
Dr. S.: There are plenty of poor people who travel. Get a work visa. I know you’re religious, what if you travel to India and it changes your outlook on “God” (yes, he quoted it.)
Me: Well, school is important to me and my family too.
Dr. S.: Just like God is and the places you travel won’t believe in the same things as you and you will question the way you’re raised. Do you still think traveling will make you the happiest Brooke?
Me: yes sir, I do.

This conversation went on as to why I believe the things I do and surprisingly really did last 50 minutes.

I didn’t drop out of school to travel…shockingly. I have a degree and I travel some place new once a year. I don’t believe we aren’t meant to stay in one place. I yearn for new sites and new people. I remember seeing the Mayan Ruins in Cozumel and thinking how have I’ve missed so much of this world because I was set on going through the motions. I remember driving down the streets in the Cayman Islands and seeing children playing and thinking how small my problems seem. For years, I have stared at the ocean, last year, I was in it snorkeling. I’ve looked at surface for so long that I missed the point of it. I remember walking back on the beach after spending hours swimming with fish and turtles and feeling so accomplished that I got to see a whole different form of life I had been missing. I couldn’t believe that it had taken me 23 years to realize how big the world was.

Going to another country didn’t change my religion though. It made me understand the God I serve even more. That the same God who made me and my little world I had been surrounded by, made that weird purple colored fish I just touched underwater and he made the guy who made my margarita too strong. It fascinates me and makes me want to understand Him even more.

My fiancé proposed to me in the dark, in the front of the ship, in the Caribbean Ocean under millions of stars. I wouldn’t trade that moment for all the money in the world. I will never be the same after seeing those stars.

It doesn’t matter where you go, whether it’s Mexico, California, or an hour away, go some place you’ve never been. It’s worth any cost and sacrifice. If you wait to have money or for someone to come with you, you’ll never go. It’s a matter of courage and adventure. The world is cruel and we are so quick to think how bad it is, but the people I met while in Mexico last year, gave me hope. You don’t realize the people you’re missing out on or the places until you just go. One day, you won’t have the time.

It’s been a crazy week! First off, I want to thank everyone for taking the time to read my blog. It’s so amazing to get such wonderful feedback from family, friends and strangers. Y’all rock.

I’ve thought a lot about this post. It’s weird sharing personal things when I know everyone will read them and this is SO different for me.

Having a background in psychology makes me apply it to everything. Most people have heard of the “fight or flight” response. Saying, animals and humans have an innate ability to either face a problem and fight it or run (flight) when they feel threatened. I can’t help but to apply this to relationships. What’s worse than being in a relationship where you fight all the time? Being in a relationship where you fight then run.

One of the things I can’t get out of my head is the Hozier song, “Work Song”. If you haven’t listened to it, please do.
In the chorus he says, “When, my, time comes around lay me gently in the cold dark earth. No grave can hold my body down, I’ll crawl home to her”
The first time I heard those lyrics, I played it over and over again.

Music gets me. I feel more things emotionally from music than I can from most people. But, those lyrics make me feel some type of way. I have been in a relationship where I thought the world begins and ends with that person. Where I thought death couldn’t keep me away from him. With that being said, it was the most toxic thing I have ever been inflicted by. Human beings are 110% more toxic than anything else.

My brother and I have had many talks about which is better, a relationship that makes you feel like you’re so dependent on that person or one that makes you feel like you have it all together but that person just adds to your already great self? I think we all are guilty of trying to shove different puzzle pieces into the same spot and expecting to get the same picture in the end. Every choice, relationship wise or not, will lead you to a completely different outcome.

My thoughts on the situation is that I don’t ever want to feel like I need someone. I want to share a life with someone, not make someone my whole life. I’ve done that and at the end of the day, when they chose to leave, they’ll leave you standing with nothing. Most of us have had that relationship where it feels like you’re on a pendulum. When it’s good, it’s really good. But when it’s bad, it’s WWIII. There should be a balance. Someone should make you the best version of yourself and not make you hate yourself for the things you said during that knockout round.

No two loves are the same. Some people think that kind of love is the love that’s worth it. The kind that makes you crazy and the kind you think you can never obtain. And I’ll admit, I thought so too. But, it is so exhausting. I have been in relationships where I thought I saw someone’s true potential, even after everyone told me to take flight. You can’t wait on someone to ascend to their greatness when they don’t see if for themselves. We get disappointed when people fall short of the role we created for them without them ever even knowing it.

After going from a damaging relationship from the screaming fights to the on and off like a light switch to being on cloud 9 when he finally called back– to a healthy, loving, supportive relationship, I can’t say that I would care to feel like Hozier again. That song touches me because I know exactly what he’s speaking about and I know that’s exactly the person I don’t want to be. No body that loves you will allow you to love them more than you love yourself. Read that over again. Let it resonate. So, answering my own question, which is better? I think as long as you have someone who gives you their time, who talks to you after a fight, who understands the madness inside you, who supports you, who waits for you while you’re out trying to find yourself then you will be just fine.

I do occasionally have a drink with some friends but those 2 AM binges where the only words I know how to say are, “taco bell” and “bathroom?” are long gone. My friends, family can tell you that I am not the same girl I was at 20 and my needs/wants are constantly changing. At the gym the morning I was thinking how far I’ve come from that insecure, please everyone–type girl. Here are my personal top 5 reasons that a bench press is more suitable for me than a barstool:

1. The Morning AfterThis is the big one for me. I have yet to meet someone who has said, “those 10 shots I took last night made me feel so great this morning!!” There have been plenty of nights where I wanted to go out and once getting to the bar, it was not the experience I was hoping for. This morning I would have probably rather put my hand in my juicer than go to the gym. But, you know what? I didn’t regret going once I got there. Yeah, i’m sore but it’s not from throwing my guts up because I had too many grenades in NOLA, sore. It’s a change in my body getting stronger and better sore and I love every second of it. You wont regret going to the gym, but you might regret the kegger you sucked dry at the party you won’t remember last night.

2. Mood SwiiiinnnngFor me, there is a fine line between loving everyone I see at the bar and Mike Tyson coming through my body and wanting to punch the next person who spills their cute little martini on me. I can go from cute to ratchet faster than you can pour a drink. I don’t know about you but that is so unattractive to me. I don’t ever want to be in a state where I have no control over my emotions again. I used to leave work and be so stressed, I wanted a drink. Now, I leave work and go to the gym and 10 times out of 10, I am in a much better mood when I leave. The gym heals me mentally more than any amount of alcohol ever will.

3. SocializingMost people go out to meet people or to spy on their ex boyfriends new girl. Some people go out so they can have someone to go home with a few hours later. Either way, in the long run, has either made you happy? I know some of the people i’ve met while bar hopping is not the type of people I want in my life consistently. At the gym, I am surrounded by people who support me. Whether they give me the encouragement I need or they just want to chat, I can promise you they aren’t there to watch me fail like half of the people who are your friends at the bar.

4. How Embarrassing

I have had multiple females tell me they don’t work out because they feel judged or embarrassed. Come to find out, those are the same females taking 4 Irish Breakfast shots and dancing with the pool stick like it’s a stripper pole. Being embarrassed and lazy aren’t the same thing. If one reason you aren’t actively in the gym is because of what other people think, I promise you, we’ve all been there. The people who look Victoria’s Secret perfect, had to start somewhere. Everyone has to start somewhere and NO ONE judges you for making yourself better. If they do, screw them and go head girl, get down in your cute spandex. You’re perfect.

5. MusicThis one may be weird but it is so true. When I am at the gym or running, I can listen to whatever I want. Currently “Chainsaw,” is my go-to workout song. I also do not have to hear the dance version of the Wobble ever again! Or more importantly, 50 drunk people thinking they can actually do the Wobble.

This blog is different but it’s important to me because the older I get, the more I realize I don’t want to be 50 years old drinking margaritas at Chili’s until I don’t remember my name. I want to work hard and be in the best shape of my life. Alcohol gives you an instant buzz, you see results almost instantly even though most of the time, they aren’t the results you want. With the gym, it takes work and dedication and endless hours put into it. But, the results are so much more rewarding.

XO,

B

Also, if you are looking for some new active gear, here is where I purchase all of mine 🙂

Since this is my first “real” blog, I decided to talk about New Year’s. Everyone is thinking about resolutions. My take on them? Who cares? I made a list of the top 25 things I wanted to do this year and then I laughed. Why do I need a New Year to do these things? I should have been doing most of them all along. But i’ll share a few of the things on my list:
1) Stand up for myself and my beliefs more
–i should have been doing this a longgg time ago. you feel me? by stand up for myself, i don’t mean be a bitch to people, i mean, don’t let people run all over me. it’s because i’m a libra, i’m sure of it. i weigh things on my libra scale c o n s t a n t l y. i will give someone the shirt of my back and then freeze. that’s okay, in moderation. but there’s only so much one person can give before cutting someone off or actually cutting them. (not really)

2) Travel (this should have been number one)
–i don’t mean go to Europe every other month (even though that would be magical), i mean, go somewhere i haven’t been. even if it’s two towns over, there’s always something to be learned in a different atmosphere. i mean get out of my comfort zone, try new food or go to a new church so i can experience life and every aspect of it. i’m a firm believer that you’re not supposed to be around people who are just.like.you. HOW BORING. i want to meet people who believe the exact opposite of me to help me understand myself and beliefs on a whole other level.

3) Be a better puppy mom
–i know this is a weird one…my dog literally just threw up a bone while i’m typing this. (i stopped and made sure he was okay, don’t worry PETA) my dog’s name is Moose (hint; the blog title :)) and i’m not shitting you, that dog saved my life. since he saved my life from a downward spiral, i thought i should be a better human to him. (i.e.; take him for more walks or let him have my left over fries)…he’s pretty special. i have another puppy too, her name is Maddie. she’s our newest edition. she’s psychotic but i love that morkie to death.

4) Forgive
–gah, this is a hard one for me. it is so easy for me to be bitter. i will hold a grudge over someone taking my last cookie in the second grade (i still don’t follow her on any social media because of it)…that’s neither here nor there. forgive people for yourself, not for them. you can forgive someone and can still not have them in your life. it’s okay. “Forgiveness is not giving someone permission to have done the harm, it is rather recognizing the flawed humans we all are and accepting that a flawed person caused us harm.” forgiveness improves a multitude of things involving: mental state, heart rate, success rate, sleeping habits and tons more. i dunno but all those things are pretty important to me.

Those are just a few of the things i want to improve personally. But my point of it all is yes, it’s a New Year, but you should improve yourself daily. don’t get discouraged come March and you’ve been the the gym twice. i’m a firm believer that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. So, you’re not improving at the pace you want? You could be improving at the pace God wants, and to me, that is far more amazing than something I can do on my own without him.

One thing that i have done so far and it’s not even the new year yet is start this blog! i write constantly, but this is something i plan on sharing with my family and friends (i still have a private blog for my delirious venting sessions that i want no one to ever read).

If you are reading this and don’t know what to change about your life or if you want to do something a little different daily, i encourage you to get ‘Life’s Little Instruction Book Calendar Volume XIX’…I haven’t had one since i was at college at TTU but it is seriously something so great to wake up to everyday. Some days are funny and some hit you when you need it. I just ordered mine from Amazon (it’s cheaper than a calendar store and i’m all about saving a dollar).

it’s backwards, I KNOW. and it’s already driving my ocd up a wall. i’ll try to post once a week. if anyone wants to comment or give me a topic to talk about but doesn’t have wordpress, follow me on IG and dm me! (ig; @brklynntrent)! see you in 2015!