An uncommonly clever, insightful, and funny voice of reason* in all this multiple sclerosis silliness

Monday, August 7, 2017

Stop Comparing

The other day I was out cranking it on the bike trail.
It wasn’t an epic ride—the 20 mile mark still manages to elude me—but I put in
a solid 13 miles over a couple of hours, decently impressive on an arm trike in
90-degree heat. And then I ran into Beth. You know, that Beth.

“Dave!” It was Beth Ulibarri, aka @MilesAndTrials,
aka Ironman Beth. She also happens to be a fellow active MSer, only with a bit
more emphasis on the “active” part. We all know of Beths, those absolute studs
in the MS world that defy the disease with an athletic prowess that impresses
even the pros (she has trained with our resident pro triathlete Kelly
Williamson).

I asked how her ride had been and if she had
logged a few miles that morning. “A few.” Like 90 in just under 5 hours. She
was training on her Felt B12 TT carbon fiber bike (while decked out in her
sponsored Klean kit) for the upcoming Ironman Lake Placid, a 2.4 mile swim, 112
mile bike and 26.2 mile run. (Update: She finished her fourth Ironman in 12:09 and set
a new PR! Daaamn.)

Now, I could have looked down at my Craig’s List clunky
trike with seven gears and felt jealousy. Or moped because on the best of days,
I was putting in a fraction of the miles Beth logs JUST TO GET WARMED UP. But
that’s a fool’s errand when you have an unpredictable disease like multiple sclerosis, one that
affects each person wildly differently.

It’s so tempting to compare yourself with
others—the healthy, the diseased, even the “old you.” Don’t dare fall into this
trap. Don’t compare yourself to Beth or, for that matter, to me. Do what you
can do. Today. And the next time out, if your goal is to improve, strive to do
it better. If it is to maintain, then attempt to match it. If it is to just try
to do something healthy, then try. With all due respect to Yoda, it’s okay to
just try.

Still bummed? Then remind yourself about Facebook.
You know, when you see the posts of friends who are eating THE BEST MEAL EVER
or doing THE COOLEST THING EVER. Sounds like they are having more fun than you,
awwwe, sad face. But remember, those same friends are not going to post about
the ungodly amount of diarrhea they got after that 5-star meal or that they
permanently lost 10 percent of their hearing because they were too close to the
stage when they got that high-five from Ke$ha (oh wait, she goes by just Kesha
now). They probably also got food poisoning after eating a hot dog at the
concert, had an unfortunate “accident” in the car on the drive home, and then
were so distracted that they got into a fender-bender. (Imagine exchanging
insurance information after that.)

See what I’m saying? Stop
with the measuring sticks. Be inspired by others with this disease and then do
what you can do. Today. And then tomorrow? Do what you can do.

28 comments:

Dave,Tremendous post & VERY true.I find I am comparing myself---to myself. And getting down because of it. How I used to be able to do pushups (not the ice cream kind). Or lunges. Or squats. And whatever they call those things where you lift & hike...eh, who knows.Frustrating when one day you can do it...and the next day you can't.That's what bothers me the most about MS.

I had someone tell me this past weekend that I should be an MS poster child...why? ...because I don't "Look like" I have MS? Please fellow MSers, don't compare yourself to me. I clean up good but it's what you don't see is where my MS battle is fought.... We all ride our miles the best we can each day and we can inspire each other to tack on an extra few steps with our weakened body or impaired mind! more power to each and everyone...MS stinks 😷 Thanks Dave! You inspire!

Dave,I so appreciated your latest post about biking and not comparing yourself and what you are or can do to others! Everyone needs to hear and soak up that message whether or not they live with MS. You are a hero in your own right!

Sometimes It's hard for me to make peace with the changes that living with MS brings. I so appreciate the encouraging post AND replies! I occasionally need to be reminded to not beat myself up, especially on M-eSsy days. I think comparing myself to the old me, or to others with MS is probably the worst thing I do to myself. It's just not helpful!

I do find myself comparing to "what I used to do"...:( and no, it's not motivating, or constructive in any way. It's deflating for sure. Thanks for the reminder Dave! Things could always be worse for sure.

I needed this Dave!! I've had THREE injuries this summer on my weak side of my body and it really set me back in my workouts. A lot of crying and comparing myself to my old self. Starting to work back up to where I was but boy, did I need to read this. THANKS.

Thanks Dave I needed that. I ride a recumbent trike now. I was out riding last night and met the bike club I used to ride with as recently as 3 years ago. It was hard to see them riding their road bikes while mine hangs in the garage but after 39 years with M.S. I'm still out there riding. I need to change my focus to what I can still do rather than what I can't. Your blog will encourage me to do that.

This is one of my worse habits - I am constantly comparing myself to others. My "favorite" is to compare myself, with my trike, to my husband, with his diamond frame. I am never fast enough. I try to stop doing it but its tough too. Keeps me from riding with friends or group rides as I am always afraid I wont be able to keep up, whether thats actually true or not.

Oh Marina, instead of comparing myself to other cyclists, I find I use them like rabbits and try to chase them down for sport. I never catch them, of course, except for yesterday. Got on their tales in a hurry--shocker--so I just pulled over and got a drink and wrote Anon (above).

What a great post! I had to laugh when I read this. I tend to compare to my old self - I used to be a runner and had good upper body strength. Now, my exercise is all virtually indoors as I can't tolerate sun on my body (I am like a vampire), temps above about 75, and have to worry about whether my lower GI is going to betray me or not. I keep pushing any way I can! I ride the Peleton bike that was a gift for my husband. It lets me work hard, and my competitive side can come out as I look for females in my age range or a little younger to try and beat. I will say that there are days when I pass someone out running on a nice day I sometimes want to side swipe them as I miss that freedom!😂

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About the Blog

This is the official blog of ActiveMSers, which is designed to help, motivate, and inspire those with multiple sclerosis to stay as active as possible—physically, intellectually, and socially—regardless of physical limitations. It is written by founder Dave Bexfield and was started in 2006. Topics include: getting diagnosed, dealing with symptoms, staying active, and hope. Laughter is always encouraged.

About Me

For better or worse, I’ve learned a lot about handling this disease (um, more than many) since I was diagnosed in ’06. And I’ve written about that experience here, where I take a personal look at MS … with a tilted head, raised eyebrow, and a cracked smile. It may be just what the doc ordered when you want an escape from the oh-so-serious world that is multiple sclerosis. (To read more about me, click the About Dave on the left of my blog home page.)