WHY TDV OCCURS:normalized violence & gender roles

Normalized Violence

If teen dating violence is a pattern of behaviors based on power and control, why do some individuals become abusive in the first place? The need to control a partner is something that is learned throughout life, whether in the media, movies, and music, or from family, classmates, or our community. When constantly shown examples of unhealthy or violent relationships, it can become harder to recognize healthy and non-hurtful behaviors. This is what sets up the basis for violence to become normalized.

These learned behaviors suggest that some violence is normal in a relationship, when in truth, violence is never acceptable

Violence can become normalized when:

Jealousy, abuse, and stalking become romanticized in movies, TV shows, books, or music

Social media images and comments downplay abuse

Attitudes and beliefs shared by public figures make violence seem okay

Experiencing an unhealthy or abusive relationship

Gender Roles

Gender norms are how society expects people to behave based on their perceived gender. These stereotypes are not natural or inevitable. Women do not naturally know how to cook better, and men are not guaranteed to be more aggressive. We learn these traits from our families, culture, and society. These expectations can contribute to TDV in a number of ways.

feminine expectations

Submissive, passive, takes orders with a smile

Emotional, sensitive, gentle

Sexually abstinent, hard-to-get, while still flirty

Focus on women’s bodies, having a perfect figure, looking good

Gossips, spreads rumors, talks a lot

Interested in fashion, make-up, dressing up

Seen as caring for children, focus on cleanliness, being domestic

Shopping, spending money, bargain hunters

Shown in entertainment as helpless, in need of being rescued, ignorant (e.g., ditzy blonde)

In the workforce, expected to be a nurse, secretary, teacher, esthetician, model, flight attendant

masculine expectations

Aggressive, controlling, dominant

Provider, makes the money, does all the dirty work

"Wears the pants in the family,” which suggests that a male’s role at home is to be in charge

Decision maker, leader, politician, CEO

Expected to fight, never backs down, plays aggressive sports

Focus on male’s physical strength and power

Shows little to no emotion, other than anger, which is seen as acceptable

Sexually promiscuous, pressured to engage in sexual activity from a young age

Views men as strong, brave, or courageous, and women as weak, submissive, and dainty

Access to weapons, plays with violent toys, attracted to violent video games

Shown in entertainment as the hero, rescues the “helpless” princess

so then how do these gender roles contribute to tdv?

We can't generalize or make assumptions for any one because of their perceived gender, obviously it’s not that simple. We shouldn’t have to like/dislike things because society says so. But, if these gender norms are pushed onto us from the moment we're born, it’s not surprising we see them in our relationships.

If masculine identified individuals are only shown to be dominant, controlling, and aggressive; there leaves little room for that person to show any emotion other than anger. He might be more likely to control a dating partner and think it’s his right to take away their power or be possessive (i.e. abusive). He might become overly aggressive towards other people he views as a threat to his dominant position, which could lead to fights, jealousy, possessiveness, and other forms of aggression. Or he may feel a need to protect his ego if the relationship ends, such as posting or sharing explicit photos or calling them "crazy".

If a feminine identified individual believes her voice is less important, she may not feel like it’s her place to speak back to an abusive partner or be clear of what she wants. She may think that being passive or submissive is her role in the relationship. This could show up in situations of sexual intimacy as well, where she feels unable to speak back or give consent to a partner’s demands, leading to to situations of sexual assault, continued dating violence, or even just unfulfilling intimacy. Also, she may feel like she cannot be honest about what she wants or thinks without being called "emotional" or "crazy"

<< Check out these videos for more on gender roles and breaking through them. Trust us, they're pretty good.

It's all these things that can contribute to a person becoming abusive, and all of these things are passed down from generation to generation. Once these expectations are in place, they're hard to fix, let alone progress in a healthier direction

All these things that can contribute to a person becoming abusive, and all of these things are passed down from generation to generation. Once these expectations are in place, they're hard to fix, let alone progress in a healthier direction