Pages

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Fifty Shades of Endorsements

I've already made the admission here that I read all three of the Fifty Shades books in under a week. While there's probably a separate post coming on the topic, I rarely find myself ashamed to admit I'm reading anything. Not sure why I felt the need to come out of the box on the defensive about these books in my previous post. It's probably a mixture of the overwhelming hype and the bad writing. The writing is as bad as you've heard. Whenever I see or hear someone say, "They're so well written," my ass twitches. Not in a good way.

But what's appealing about these books? What would prompt me to sink so thoroughly into this fictional world for a week? A few things:

1. Hot sexytimes. For real, yo.

2. The Twilight take-off...blushworthy and amusing.

3. I wanted to know what happened to Christian and Ana, even though I was more or less able to guess at every turn.

4. All of their problems could be sorted out in 20-30 pages. It was a little like watching a dirty sitcom.

So while I'm not terribly inclined to do a proper review. You can find those anywhere. The thought struck me: Fifty Shades of Endorsements! My biggest qualm with the writing of these novels is the repetition. There were some seriously ridiculous things that came up ALL THE TIME. This also presents an opportunity for the film makers to do some product placement AND there might even be some spinoff product possibilities (see pocket protectors).

Roget's Thesaurus - Because I like my books to contain more than a few words repeated over and over again. Examples: "Oh my!" and "F*ck"

Chapstick - For all the time Anastasia spends biting her bottom lip.

Socks - Anastasia seems to have a hard time controlling herself when Christian is barefoot.

Schizophrenia medication -- for all the time Anastasia spends talking to her inner goddess (really, she wrote "inner goddess" a shitload of times)

Plastic pocket protectors -- for all the condoms Christian put in his pockets to dispose of later. Eeww!

And that's it! A week's worth of mindless entertainment. That's what I needed and that's what I got. If you're looking for the same, I highly recommend these books. If you're looking for something more, keep on truckin'.