Faster than light, some haunting, some fleeting, some sweet, and some filled with sorrow, THOUGHTS are what make or break us. In search of my true self, a journal that deals with day-to-day things that leave their mark on me.. RACING THOUGHTS, my spoken and unspoken reflections!!
A full-time mom with mostly rusted professional skills, enjoying the blessing called lazy motherhood in United States. Whatever I am.. I AM LIKE THATTT ONLY!! నా ఇష్టం, నాకిష్టం.

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Foreword

There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

Ref: Chichkoo is what I lovingly call my daughter, kiddo my brother, amma and taatee my late maternal grandparents, and OA is the other adult in the family.

Second OneA kid gets a piggy bank (mud piggy bank) from his grandpa and told to take care of it... and taking care, he does.. he takes it everywhere he goes, when he bathes, when he sleeps, when he goes out in rain, when goes for a walk, and finally goes to a bank in a boat, with an umbrella hung to his shirt on his back, hiding his PB from the boatsman, goes to the bank and puts it in a locker... the whole of it was done beautifully... one must see it to enjoy it..

I just fall in love these kids in the ads every time I see them...My top list includes #Sunflower oil ad, kid leaves the home but comes back hearing that mom cooked "Jaleebi".... that workd "Jalebi" still makes me go weak in my knees... choooo chweet. #that "half-white" tooth paste ad. #pug and hutch boy.

Yours truly had a yummy meal today comprising of "Munaga Kaaya Pulusu" or the drumstick curry with lots of onions and tomatoes for gravy prepared my mom.. I must admit that I love eating this curry just for the pure pleasure of chewing it :-). I relish it with utmost joy... You must look at those "yuuukkkkk!!!" stares that I get from my friends when I actually enjoy that to know what I mean :-))). You know, just chew each peice until there is no juice whatsover left it in and it takes like some tasteless grass or cotton in my mouth (pippi, pippi chesi namaladam) :-).

This also reminds me very much of Amma (what doesnt??). We had a couple of trees in our backyard and every alternate day we used to go and get those to get them cooked by her.. did I tell you she was an amazing cook.. she was the best in all the ways...

Just when I was searching for an image of drumsticks to go with this blog of mine, I stumbled on two extremely good cookery sites.. Indian Food and Andhra Recipies from Sailu's Kitchen and Mahanandi hosted by Ms. Indira. You got to believe me when I say I have fallen hook, line, and sinker :-)).. They are really amazing, a mere look at those dishes in these sites made my mouth water and made me want to cook that good too :-)).

Aug 29, 2006

Five months since being an active blogger, 50th post, and still going great.. well, not bad!!

My God!! Blogging is really addictive.. I think I am transforming into a compulsive blogger these days. Time just flies by when I keep clicking the links and keep making virtual friends, I think I have met more people scattered across the globe in the last fortnight than I had ever in my life, getting to know people, their thoughts, making friends, sharing one's ups and downs... it is a different world altogether.. you can say I am hooked on to this blogging stuff.. :-).

By the way, I have or rather had an obsession for these soft toys or any toys for that matter. I have a huuuuuuuuge collection of soft toys, cars, bikes, etc, much to the annoyance of my parents. My mom looks at an excuse to give away at least one of them to my younger cousins or my cousins' kids.. friends keep teasing me that my hubby would have a tough time getting ME and not kids out of the toy store, but kya karen.. control hi nahin hota.. I just cant control the urge..

A few of my softies...

And you know what, each of these softies has a name.. poochie, the brown and white teddy is a beauty.. the teddy dressed as a girl is my oldest and my best buddy "SNOOPY", me and kiddo simply love it (I confess my deepest fears to that and Amma)... I have a frog, a tweety, chicken little, a puppet toy, a bunny, a girl with 2 pigtails, a fish, and a few more teddies tooo.. and I love each and every one of them.

The biiiiiiiiiiiig pink teddy is from S for the first "month-versary" or whatever to call it of our engagement. Isnt it chooo chhweet of him...

Aug 27, 2006

Lord Ganesha.. is one of my favorites. Yup!! He, besides being a God, tops my list of favorite people. Isnt he the cutest of all... I love him in all shapes and sizes and just cant resist staring at those cute and sweet idols whenever I go gift shopping. A Ganesha idol is what I would gift my friends any time they are about to begin something really important for them.

And this is just a third of collection that I have on my bedside rack...

This is the only one festival the we ever celebrate in our house on a large scale. Ever since I can remember, me and kiddo used to get all excited and decked up with all our books and certificates ready to keep in the pooja room to get them blessed by him. The decoration that dad does after collecting all the "patri" with his own hands (I have never seen him buy that from outside, he hand picks them all) is awesome.

The best of them all is the one we celebrated in Bangalore, me and kiran reading out Kannada script "katha" since we could not find a Telugu or an English book and mind you, none of us new proper kannada, it is just that the script is similar. We gathered the stories remembering them from our previous years' poojas and from the mythological movies. It was the most hilarious of them all... the way we cleaned up our house, the dishes we prepared, the decoration, the pooja... every single thing will be etched in our memories forever :-)

Last year, amma was with me and we did the pooja together. This year, I am all alone and she is there with him smiling happily at me.. Miss you Amma.

Aug 25, 2006

We were taught in the Solar System that the number of planets revolving around the sun are nine and had to mug them up with proper spellings to score. Our kids will be having one less to remember.. Pluto, the smallest and the farthest planet, which can be classiffied as an underdog planet which has been dogged by controversies ever since its discovery in 1930, is stripped off its Planet status finally... and here I was thinking it is only humans who struggle to attain a status and then retain it... a new realization, even planets are not left alone... coming to that, even the age-old theories are always under constant scrutiny and we never know as to which one will be proven wrong and new one takes it place... Keith Mayes' Theories With Problems provides an interesting read.

Aug 24, 2006

Nine months since Amma (my granny) left me and I still feel very raw from within.. Nothing, no matter how greatest the happiness, really seems to make me happy for long. I just feel like it was yesterday we were talking and cracking jokes at the expense of taatee and mom, just yesterday we were watching a movie together or going for shopping together. Every Sunday I still expect a call from her in that booming voice of hers.. "Ammaaa..." I am so very used to her Sunday calls that every time my phone rings, I kind of pray, let it be Amma God, just this once.. I have a lot to tell her a lot many things, everything seems so inconsequential without her!!

How is it possible that one can love another person sooooo much, so loving, so caring, so giving, that unconditional love, that forgiving nature, that bearing everything with the most beautiful smile. Will I ever get over with this mourning for her. I miss her real bad at times, so much so that I feel guilty for being happy without her, not being able to do anything for her, not being able to share my happiest moments with her, the person who took all my fears, pain and gave me back that courage and strength to move on.

She was with me guiding me, supporting me, pulling me up and when I have all that she ever wanted for me, she is not with me to see that... WHY???????

This is for you Amma...

All the times you walked with me and played,laughed and talked with me...All the stories you told me before you tucked me into bedAll the hurts that you kissed awayand the hugs that made it okay..All the things you did for me are treasured in my memory...... And I am really very thankful for your love..... And even if I found a way to return this love to you,it would not be so complete and true.

Aug 23, 2006

Surprisingly enough, I got my certificate and pin from AAMT... my oh my.. that was real fast. Feels good and finally it has sunk in. With that done, a quest for a new goal has started. Need to have some kind of a goal to look up to and strive to reach, otherwise life becomes kind of monotonus and boring.

I think I am finally getting back on track with regard to my work, not completely, but I have kind of gotten back to my good old regimen and I am really happy about it, just intend to keep it so now at any cost.

Caps is back with a vengeance and I am waiting for more spiritual and intellectual stuff from her.

I want to visit my favorite place in Hyderabad, the necklace road et al and chill out for a while. Miss you caps, we would have had a blast if together now.

Going over the past few days of my life, I have been feeling stuffy at times and I know I have been real cranky at times testing the patience of the loved ones and quite a few people around me. I was getting increasingly restless, not able to do justice to any task on hand and it seemed as if my life was kind of getting out of my control. I attributed it to a lot of reasons like the new changes in my life, the pressure of coping with a lot of expectations both on the personal and office front, lots of relatives dropping in every now and then and so on until I realized what my actual problem was... clutter around me, both thoughts and the otherwise too. Even with an extremely supportive S by my side, I was getting paranoid and anxious :-(.

I let things pile in my room, getting lazy even to change the bed sheet or keep the old news papers, in a shelf. Everything scattered everywhere, books, toys, sheets, towels thrown around in the most disorderly way, and the dressing table one must see.. full of everything that I laid my hands on. I am not an actual neatness freak but I like things arranged and in order. Over the years, I have come to notice that any kind of clutter makes me go crazy. I might not realize it but it gradually takes its toll on me just like it did now. The other day when I cleared up the mess and the room was back to its spick-and-span form, I realized what went wrong. I feel relieved, kind of became more focussed in my work and work does not seem to be dragging as much.

Well, has the clutter around me in the room got anything to do with my cluttered thoughts, which in turn made me cranky?? Well, it seems so.. I need to have that space, orderly and a neat one, to come back to after a tiring day.

Also, it is really very true that an idle man's mind is a devil's workshop. I have not really been working and putting in anything constructive in a day. Being a person who strongly believes you need to be doing useful stuff in order to call it a day, I dont seem be doing anything worthwhile either. Now that I have made myself and my room clutter-free, I already feel bright and positive and am bustling with a lot of energy and raring to go....

Aug 22, 2006

Thinking long and hard is something which I MUST admit I am not actually capable of. I often wonder at people like S who can keep on thinking and thinking and just thinking and have that "me and my ceiling" approach towards everything and anything. I actually prefer being spontaneous and "thinking on your feet" approach, spontaneity over processed output of the mind. You know.. OMG, I already spent a lot of time on this, I might get a brain fracture type ;-). I consider it the most energy-consuming process of the human body and needless to say I am a strong believer in conservation of resources you see :-).

At those really rare times that I visit that Think Zone, ruminating, my mind varies on a lot of things aimlessly.. so planning to go uncensored now with the mind drifting along the exquisite wonders of the epic called "The Life" the feelings, emotions, love, commitment, balance in life, etc., etc.

Feelings and emotions in love... are they long lasting or are they just superficial self-serving ruminations?? Sometimes, everything seems rosy and picture perfect while at others everything seems so superficial and momentary. Much as I want to accede to the fact that everything is perfect, the fears do keep cropping up, well there have been people who have been there and seen it all and but how many of them have actually succeeded in retaining that unique incomparable flavor of life. Initially, heart wins over the head, when people start staying together there are a lot of possibilities that a lot of unacceptable behaviors in the other person crop up and slowly that yearning diminishes, is this all true. I just hope all my doubts are just big fears.. it is all in our hands as to how we mould our lives is what I feel... OMG, see I already started thinking negative, got to stop here before I go crazy.. that is why it is the best not to think of anything and enjoy every moment as it comes :-), so here I go back to my No-Think Mode. My overexerted brain needs some rest now, so going to have a walk and look at the kids playing the park to unwind a bit.

Aug 18, 2006

Just a couple of days earlier was raving and ranting about how good it feels about getting back to work and blah, blah, blah.. and there I take yet another break for a couple of days.. What is it that is keeping me away from work. Work is something which always kept me from getting into those abysmal depths of depression and despair. Need to pull up my strings faster and give it my cent percent, nine months of constant under-performance is something which is a serious problem but what good is it unless I take a corrective action :-(.

Change has always been a painful process for me, but the latest changes are the most willing ones that we have made happen. Yet, I am not able to cope up with them and strike a balance between my work and personal life. I am not able to figure out if it is just an extended break from the work or am I getting into the homemaker mode already.. whatever it is, bad!! I just need to get things under control pretty soon.. what do I do for that to happen???? well, need to think real hard and come up with something solid this time. Poor S is very supportive of my work and all but still it is me who the CULPRIT is.. just not getting into that "Work Mode."

Good Luck to me!!! I need tons and tons and tons of it to get that old magic touch back!!!!!

Aug 15, 2006

Window shopping somehow always fascinates me. It might sound real crazy when I say that the only time I really ever wanted to marry was when I went to those big malls and especially the crockery, kitchen equipment, decorative pieces, and furniture areas. The very first time I had been to a big mall, I still remember the way I was looking around wide-eyed, awestruck at the display and equally "struck" looking at the price tags and affording something from there seemed a big thing. Since then, I had been to a lot of malls around the town and in Bangalore and Chennai.. gradually that wonder world feeling vanished but that impulse to get married suddenly and buy all those things never dies ;-).

Well, you can ask me why marraige to buy that stuff, I really dont know but I want to buy those only when we set up a family and help furnish our dream home... you know, new hubby (I see a brow raising here, well I mean to say my better half who would be still new or the relationship which is still new), new home, new furniture, everything the way I like ;-).. ha ha.

One more section that excites me a lot is the kid zone and the toy zone.. Wow.. what a wide range of stuff for those adorable darlings.. I just cant resist an urge to buy whole of them and pamper those cuties. The gang does tease me that my BH would go crazy with my toy shopping or any shopping for that matter.. well, well, I am growing up (by the way did I tell you, I have decided not to go for soft toys anymore... well, got to see, cant be sure with my hyperreflexia in that zone :-(().. on this note, I MUST blog on my cute softie gang one day.. keep watching, I have loads of things to post on them...

Aug 14, 2006

It is only the second day since my start of work and i already feel down and out. I actually bow my head a thousand times to those homemakers who work from home and are able to do justice to both the work and the personal life. I seem to be messing them both royally.

There is this thing called window period for the home proofers (that is what is my designation right now folks) wherein any work done between 6 a.m. any given day to 6 a.m. the next day is considered to be one day's work, be it at a stretch or in parts. That is, if I start working from say Aug 14 6 a.m. and in bits and pieces work up to the next day, August 15th 5:59 a.m. it is still considered as work of Aug 14th, some crazy rule but I use that thing totally. It is 5:56 a.m. and just finished my yesterday's work. The thought that yet another day of work would begin in just 4 minutes from now is dreading (not really sure if I can use that form of the word here :-). My grammar is becoming weaker and weaker by the day).

I can gladly hit the bed for the whole day if left undisturbed but got to do today's work :-((.. as I type this the clock strikes 6 a.m. of Aug 14th and yet another "WORK DAY" begins :-(((...

Aug 13, 2006

Finished my first day's work in this month. Phew.. what a hectic month it has been so far.. For that matter, 7 days last month and a late beginning this month, kind of feeling out of touch. It sure feels good to get back to work and do something what we have been doing for what seems to be have been ages for now. On that note, I have completed 7 full years in transcription and still going.. OMG, I feel like a veteran already as I type this sentence:-).

Aug 11, 2006

Finished my exam and got certified, finally there are these credentials next to my name which are considered to be the best in my field of work.. xxxx xxxxxx, CMT. The application, the prep, and the actual test itself are a big story.

To cut the big story short, prep started a year ago with applying to AAMT and the date elapsing almost twice, the second one ends this August 15th :-). Battling so many odds with the Prometric, AAMT, and my laziness, finally the D-day arrives and I wake up really early but we almost get late as we could not locate the center for quite some time.

After a big hunt, I took up the test, finished first 106 bits in half-hour flat. The actual trouble starts with the snippet part, 63 in all.. with the QWERTY layout being new to me, typing hunting for the keys kind of took all that I had. Finished the 6-hr test in 3 hours flat and when I pressed that END button to finish my test and waited for the result with bated breath, the moment seemed like forever. Finally, I get a congratulatory note on the screen and all the butterflies and knots suddenly vanish and my God, what a relief it is to get done with it and actually get certified.

The happiest person for my little BIG achievement would have been Amma.. miss you Amma, thanks a lot and thank you God. The happiness kind of lost its importance in a moment when I could not figure out whom to tell first. Sadly, S was the last person I told this news as it was his night and did not want to disturb him. Now that I have it, am I really happy?? it has not really sunk properly yet.. will keep you posted though :-).

With this done, I will have a lot of time for all the posts I promised Caps I would put up.. keep watching for more :-)).

One reason to be really proud of and glad is kiddo's convocation at IIT Mumbai. V. Vijay Venu, M.Tech. I am really proud of you bro. He is way too upset about losing the gold medal.. I do understand the frustration on losing out by 0.1 but I am really really proud of him... a CPI of 9.7 out of 10 in Reliability in MTech is not a joke. Way to go kiddo, waiting for more fireworks with your doctorate... cant wait for the day you have that name plate Dr. VVV. :-). Good luck and a loads and loads of wishes.

Miss being with you in that big moment of your life but all my heart is at that place with you. Thanks to the technological leaps that the mankind made, I could see the convocation in the Live Webcast.. world is really getting closer and smaller by the day :-)).

Aug 10, 2006

Life is so unpredictable and that is sooo true. Just the day I was blogging about my cutest nephew and the very next day the kiddo falls sick :-(... some Rh incompatibility issues.. but whatever be the reason, my heart just bled looking at the poor one-day-old going through transfusions and stuff like that. We dont really know anything until it actually happens to us. Seeing so many babies with vents on and their tiny bodies covered with tubes and pipes and plasters and what not made my stomach churn for a while.. :-(.

Suddenly a realization dawns as to how our parents brought us up, facing so many odds. Bringing up kids is nothing less than a penace. They are so very dependent on us to care of them, one needs to teach them each and every little thing. Lot of pain and hardwork goes into raising them, but it is worth all that and more... that toothless grin and that twinkle in their eyes takes away all the fatigue. We are certainly indebted to our parents for having made us what we are today. It is really sad that we dont actually take time to acknowledge the fact that we do understand and appreciate and by the time we actually want to do something for them, it is too late :-((.

Love you amma.. miss you soooooooooooo much. Thanks a millon for all that you did for me.

I always marvelled at the baby's birth and things related it. Babies always remind me of divine creation and their innocence just takes me into another world all together. Any time, looking at a baby smile makes me realy really happy and content. I can go hours and days just looking at them and forget everything.. ultimate source of joy and happiness to me.. they are just toooooo sweet to ignore.

I have seen a newborn for the first time.. actually within 10 minutes of birth and believe me the feeling is really really good.. nothing like I have ever felt before, it is pure ecstasy. The very instant I saw those baby button eyes, I fell in love with him, he is just too adorable.. actually all the kids are, but this is my NEPHEW!!...God bless the kiddo and by the way, you guys can add in loads of your wishes and blessings too...

Aug 5, 2006

It has been raining like crazy for the last of couple of days. If we, sitting in the comfort of a cosy home, feel so messy about it I wonder how the people in the slums and on the roads survive this ultra-chilled weather and the dirt and disease lurking around. Do I consider myself lucky.. You bet, I do. Just thinking of the prospect of setting my foot out in this weather gives me creeps, I just cant imagine how these people manage.. Lot of people are left stranded without their daily wages, everything suddenly comes to a halt. Why cant everyone live happily? Why is there no equal distribution of resources among all the human beings? I just hope government makes proper use of the taxpayer's money and puts up some shelters for the needy and homeless to provide respite from this relentless weather. Can I ever make any difference in any of their lives?? Well, can I make a difference in at least a person's life constructively... Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.. I got to stop this NOW before I get into one of those end less loops yet again.

Nature's fury!! No idea, but when the balance of nature trips everything goes upside down.

It has been raining cats and dogs (I always wonder why "cats and dogs" of all the creatures. Not knowing "why" does not stop me from using that though. Just hope the sun shows up tomorrow at least for a while. I have become "sun sick" and I remember my nursery rhyme.. "Rain Rain go away, come again another day.. little johny wants to play"...

For Evil Eyes on LO

About Me

Determined, strong, eccentric, irregular, crazy, candid, sweet, spicy, naughty, nutty, kind, rigid, soft, calm, considerate, stubborn, sensible yet way too sensitive than expected despite a tough exterior.. On the whole a bit of everything and above all A SURVIVOR!!!
A simple complex individual who has an opinion on everything in general and does nothing about anything in particular. A perfectly imperfect one-piece item in the whole wide world ;).