Author
Topic: This is me. (Read 272 times)

darkharlequinmph

Ok, here goes... My name is Steve, soon to be Stevie. I'm 36 and have I've struggled with my gender identity since I was 14. Back then not everybody had internet and I was a late bloomer so I didn't even know transitioning was a thing so I pushed those feelings down. I was in my early 20's when I was introduced to transgender models while modding at an adult forum and it bought those feelings right back to the surface. I confessed to my girlfriend about how I felt and she was concerned that if I were to transition it would affect our relationship as she's not gay. Because I didn't want to lose her I tried to put it behind me but now as I'm getting closer to 40 I think I'm starting to panic. I feel that if I don't do this now I never will and I don't think I could live with that.

I'm still with my girlfriend who is now my fiancee and in the years since her physical health has deteriorated to the point that sex isn't part of our relationship anymore. I think that being the case there's no reason why I can't go ahead with transitioning. We've been together almost 24/7 for the past 14 (15 in July) years and plan on getting married and having a kid and we can still do all that. The vessel may change but the spirit inside it will still be the same. So, I made an appointment with my psychologist and told him how I felt and it went really well. He was very encouraging and willing to help especially when it comes to helping my fiancee to understand that this is who I am. He told me that looking at his notes on me he's really not that surprised which was nice to hear. I know I will lose friends and family members over this but as long as I have her that's all that matters.

I didn't intend on telling my life story here but it kind of come out that way. Lol. Anyway, every time I Google something I always end up here so I figured I might as well join. Really looking forward to being part of this community.

Hi Stevie 🙋‍♀️ Welcome to Susan’s Place! I’m Jessica.The path taken by many here have been one with hope, fears, indecisiveness and surety.

I see your new here, so I’ll post some links that may help you get better acquainted with the site. Pay attention to the site rules they can be of great help and don’t forget the link highlighted red. It has answers to questions that are commonly asked. Then join in on a topic you find interesting and learn and share.

Hi Stevie, Welcome, my name is Moni. I'm glad you signed onto the site and am so glad you shared your story with us. It is a familiar story, so you can be assured that when you speak people will very likely relate. As for me, I like the fact that you are coming to terms with this. I found running from it is no answer. How you proceed is a very individual thing and I hope you find the path that is best for you. Don't be shy. Hope to see you around.

Galyo

I know very well how you feel: that feeling of panic is something that I had when I was approaching the age of 30.

Good luck on your journey. Don't feel bad for looking out for yourself; you deserve it and it doesn't make you any less of a good person. The very start of a transition is often the most difficult, with people such as familymembers and whatnot having difficulty accepting you for who you are. Sometimes these changes in relationships are necessary for living a healthy life. I know it's difficult, but you can do it either way.

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darkharlequinmph

Thank you all so much for the warm welcome and words of advice. At the moment I live to take care of my fiancee and our cats and she keeps telling me to live for myself. I can't think any better way to do this than that.

Hey Stevie, I cant speak for anyone but myself here. I have to tell you that you are not alone. My life mirrors much that you have described. Of course with diffrences. For me a 20 year marriage ended, i lost my career and many friends. Since that time in 2011 i have made many new friends that fully except me for being who I am and generally am much more happy and excited about my quality of life. I am not in transition only because my body is very devoloped in masculine form and for me there is no way i could ever pass or come close to passing. But I fully understand the panic you feel, i feel it every single day. Take the time to ralk with your partner. That is very important. She may understand or she may not but Many times after being educated people realize how they would feel if they were trying to get their partner to just love them for who they are. My ex wife apologized months after our divorce. She wanted then to be friends and have a relationship.I decided it was not the best thing for me and closed that chapter of my life. I blamed her for outing me, for hurting me and the betrayals but I now realize the actions she choose were the greatest gift anyone could have ever given me. Life is much too short to just exist through it, live it and embrace it to its full potential.