The choice of collar colour is important

DEAR POODLE: I have a thick black coat that is very shiny and I would like to wear a collar that emphasizes it. I have tried many different colours of collars and they tend to get “lost” in my coat.

What would you recommend? – EBONY

DEAR EBONY: The choice of a collar is a very important one: it emphasizes not only your coat, but the contours of your face and the colour of your eyes. The wrong collar can actually accentuate the negative and even make you look as if your neck has disappeared!

In your case, the choice of colour is even more important. Since you have a monochromatic coat, you must take care to wear something that emphasizes it but that does not stand completely apart from it.

You haven’t told me the colour of your eyes, but I am assuming that, like most Dogs with black coats, your eyes are brown. If they are blue, even more care will have to be taken in the selection of a colour for your collar.

My suggestion is to stay away from bright colours. Many Dogs believe that since bright colours provide a contrast to their coats, they are the most suitable. This is most emphatically wrong.

Some Dogs can get away with wearing a white collar (believe it or not) but, since we are heading toward the Winter season, this is not recommended. Try to avoid browny tones unless you find that they pick up on your eyes. Greens can be a mistake, as can blues. But you’d be surprised how well silver or a nice, soft black can emphasize your coat and outline your neck.

Ask a Poodle is a regular feature of The Mammlian Daily and The Mammalian Daily online. If you have a question for the Poodle, please e-mail it to her at askapoodle@mammaliandaily.com. We regret that the Poodle cannot send responses directly to you.

When all that glitters is not gold…

DEAR POODLE: The last few weeks, I have noticed a strange quality among many of the Animals whom I’ve met on my postprandial perambulations about The Park. Their whiskers appear to be sparkling, in a rather unnatural way. My offspring call me “old-fashioned,” but I don’t understand why one would want to accentuate one’s whiskers in this manner.

What do you think of this new fashion trend? – SPARKLE-FREE AND HAPPY

DEAR SPARKLE-FREE AND HAPPY: This is one of a number of such products that have come on the market recently. Just a few years ago, you might remember, (artificially) coloured toepads were all the rage and many of us spent the Summer of 2006 sporting “peachy keen,” “pansy purple,” and “flamingo pink” toepads.

The product to which you refer is intended for the whiskered set, a group that has never been known to be fashion-forward, so I am amazed that sales of this confection have been so brisk. I am not, personally, offended by the use of sparkle or colour (though I do draw the line at pastel-coloured coats); in fact, I think this fashion trend is a fine one, as long as it’s all done in good fun and not in an attempt to “better” ourselves or, indeed, to hide the very selves that we are. What does offend me is a product (which many of you will know and about which I “otter” write in another column) whose sole application (excuse the pun) is to give one Animal the attributes of another.

As beautiful as this artificial sparkle may render us, however, we should all be mindful of that old Park adage: “The glitter of a thousand whiskers begins with a heart of gold.”

Ask a Poodle is a regular feature of The Mammlian Daily and The Mammalian Daily online. If you have a question for the Poodle, please e-mail it to her at askapoodle@mammaliandaily.com. We regret that the Poodle cannot send responses directly to you.

Is Pink the new Black?

DEAR POODLE: I come from a long line of award-winning Poodles. Both my mother and father were champions – in fact, they met on the show circuit and have been together ever since. My five littermates and I are all interested in following in our parents’ footsteps, but we’ve been told that we have no chance of winning because we all have black coats. They say that black is out and pink is in. We are so disappointed. Should we dye our coats to suit this current trend or should we continue to compete, au naturel? – BLACK AND BLUE

DEAR BLACK AND BLUE: If I have only one life to live, let me live it as a pink Poodle?

Seriously, folks, what has gotten into us? This whole “pink Poodle” thing smacks of an unmentionable sensibility (can you spell H-U- M-A-N?) and I don’t understand why we’ve fallen for it.

Even though I abhor psychology, I do wonder why so many of us are not content with the selves that we are. While I’ve never been against a little dash of something here or there, just to enhance what is naturally wonderful, the idea of undergoing the sort of dye-job you mention sends shivers down my tail.

Now, I won’t even address the obsessive need that we Poodles have to exhibit ourselves, but I will say this: no matter what anyone tells you, pink is NOT the new black. It is unnatural, unnerving and, more than anything else, it is untrue to who we are.

Let me humbly suggest that, instead of thinking about changing yourself to suit someone else’s vision, you and your littermates might be better off pursuing a different – dare I say, more meaningful — career. And one, perhaps, for which black is best.

Ask a Poodle is a regular feature of The Mammlian Daily and The Mammalian Daily online. If you have a question for the Poodle, please e-mail it to her at askapoodle@mammaliandaily.com. We regret that the Poodle cannot send responses directly to you.

Far from the mating crowd

DEAR POODLE: Now that mating season is upon us, I was hoping that you could offer some tips to those of us who are not so season-savvy. – HOPEFUL

DEAR HOPEFUL: This is a subject about which it is extremely difficult to generalize, since mating habits, preferences, and timing differ so greatly from species to species – not to mention from female to male, and from individual to individual.

That old adage, for instance, about the Goose and the Gander…well, that hasn’t held true for generations – yet it’s the first thing out of everyone’s mouth at this time of year. Some Geese can attract a mate with a honk and a wink, if you know what I mean – and then there are those who must work harder. Other species find they are at their best in a group situation, whereas I, for one, like to stay far from the mating crowd.

Some females I know go for looks as well as scent but, statistically, that’s still a rarity. Where I come from, we have a saying: “La nuit, tous les chats sont gris.” That translates as, “At night, all cats are grey.” Which means, of course, that if you’re trying to attract someone for the sake of perpetuating the species, you’d darned well better roll around something a little more persuasive than a mirror. Bonne chance à tous!

Ask a Poodle is a regular feature of The Mammlian Daily and The Mammalian Daily online. If you have a question for the Poodle, please e-mail it to her at askapoodle@mammaliandaily.com. We regret that the Poodle cannot send responses directly to you.

Collar ID

DEAR POODLE: I am wondering what your opinion is of the latest fashion accessory for Dogs (and other Animals) – by that I mean collars that have name tags hanging from them.

I was given one as a gift, but I can’t bring myself to wear it. I have a friend who thinks I’m daft. She says that they are not only beautiful, but they are practical, as well.

What do you think?

– TRADITIONALIST

DEAR TRADITIONALIST: There are, of course, at least two sides to every story (as well as to the name tags hanging on these collars), and as many opinions as there are Animals.

But, as far as I’m concerned, this is one of the most demeaning trends in fashion The Park has ever seen. I also find it quite baffling that this fad has taken hold in the same year that we are celebrating 25 years of Animal self-rule.

These items hearken back to a time when all Animals were the chattel of Humans. Despite our best efforts, this is still a reality for many Animals and we would be much better off wearing a tag that called for their emancipation than acting as though we have all risen above this sad and shameful part of our past.

As for the practicality of wearing our identities around our necks (as opposed to our hearts on our sleeves), I don’t find this argument compelling. Nor do I believe that our young should be encouraged to sport a look that shouts “I Am Property!”

And, as for the aspect of beauty, there are many things more beautiful than an ID tag – namely, freedom, respect, and Animal dignity.

Ask a Poodle is a regular feature of The Mammlian Daily and The Mammalian Daily online. If you have a question for the Poodle, please e-mail it to her at askapoodle@mammaliandaily.com. We regret that the Poodle cannot send responses directly to you.