I Can’t Sorority Squat and Skinny Arm at the Same Time!

For my job, I have the distinct pleasure of working with college students. This regularly allows me to reminisce about my own college experience to momentarily relate to the kids I’m working with.

Oh God, I just called them kids. That hurt my soul.

But as the school year comes to an end, my Facebook feed is filled with bar crawls, final formals, and all the typical “last hurrah” activities.

Some of my own last hurrah shenanigans. The only word to describe looking like this in front of the California state capitol at 1am.

Almost every student I work with swears they are so busy. In college I was so busy too. Yet somehow I always had time to fit in a daily 2pm nap, go out 4 nights a week, and spend my whole Friday afternoon in frat houses.

And when I look back, my major concerns seem completely well, not major.

They frequently included:

Where are we “all” meeting for dinner?

The amount of money I spent eating out in college makes me nauseous. Mostly because I’m still paying it back.

College Nadine, the freshman 15 won’t stick around for 3 additional years if you quit eating at restaurants like it’s your job. And since you’re probably meeting other sorority girls, just assume that you’re about to pay $10 for a salad and $10 for that drink you just ordered so you can start your pre-game while you eat. You’re a true visionary.

How many calories are in one shot of vodka?

I like to call this, “going out math”.

I was constantly confused as to why I was gaining weight despite eating fairly healthy (or at least thinking I was) and working out frequently.

Well, college Nadine, 100 calories/shot X 8 shots = 800 additional calories (plus chaser). Try that 4x a week and I think I’ve gotten to the bottom of that one.

Throw that right on top of the salad you ate for dinner and you’re in for a real treat around 2:30am. Unless of course, you finish your night off with a slice of pizza. Which you always do.

What day is my student loan money going to be disbursed to my checking account?

Best day of the quarter.

Trip to Forever 21 anyone? I need an outfit for our Naughty Schoolgirl party on Friday.

My roots are so bad but I’m so broke.

You know what I discovered within months of joining a sorority? How much better blonde hair looks if you leave it to the professionals. Great time to discover this, at my brokest point in life.

How did I spend $53 at the bar last night? Now I have $12 in my checking account.

Nadine, do not, under any circumstances buy a round of drinks. Just don’t. Stick to the $2 PBR’s and add your name to the Karaoke list, homegirl. The whole bar needs to hear you sing Don’t Stop Believin’ for the 12th Time.

I can’t sorority squat and skinny arm at the same time.

It’s one or the other. Both just looks awkward.

If you were in a sorority and you left college without perfecting both of these, you learned nothing.

And the most important question of all:

What am I wearing out tonight?

I’m going to go ahead and guess something with a lot of spandex. You’re going to wear it as a dress, college Nadine, but let me tell you, it could be a shirt.

Or maybe you’ll just wear an actual shirt. Thankfully, Kaylin had a sewing machine and could sew in the sides of mens t-shirts to make them dresses.

She’s a ruler, I’m a finger painting.

Since we don’t do shit like this anymore, we’ve had to use our immense creativity somewhere else. Hence the blogs.

As you can see, college was rough for me.

I’ve basically transferred these feelings to the adult world, made blogging my new sorority, and have a whole new set of completely ridiculous important concerns like:

“If I don’t post by 9am, will less people see it?” or “I’m wearing long sleeves in my about me picture and now it’s spring. Does that look weird?”

Yes, that was is an actual concern. So you see, the ridiculousness never ends.

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I only mastered the sorority squat, damn it! The whole skinny arm thing was a baffling phenomenon to me because every time I did it my arm just looked oddly detached from the rest of my body.

I’ve missed the college life a little (translate: more than is socially acceptable for a married woman with a full time job) lately and I think it’s just the missed opportunity to master the skinny arm.

I nodded my head emphatically to every single one of these. In particular the horrible roots and the ‘what am I wearing out tonight’ convo? That was often the main and ONLY thing talked about at dinner around the sorority house dining room. Good times. (GREAT times)

haha it must be fun yet sad at the same time to work with college kids. It would make me so nostalgic for the past! I did the skinny-arm although I didn’t need to since my arms are already too skinny, but it’s so funny you recognize that, too! I lost a ton of weight after graduating and I think a good chunk of it was because I stopped drinking so much. Oops.

My college didn’t have Sororities so I never learned the squat or the skinny arm! What am I doing with my life? I guess I learned to do a championship keg stand and how to make the perfect Jello shot… but what is that without the squat?

Man this made me miss college! I so wish I could tell college Megan that wearing a naughty Librarian outfit to a jungle juice party and getting my hair cutt at great clips are both equally horrible ideas. The photos will forever haunt me

Haha I am still trying to explain to my sister the number of calories in vodka and why she would gain weight….These things are all so true. You wouldn’t want life to be like that forever but it was fun while it lasted.

Though I wasn’t in a sorority (Notre Dame doesn’t have Greek life) I can totally understand where you’re coming from! Wish I could have made freshman me read these rules, not that she would have listened 🙂

My favorite part is when you question the long sleeve shirt pic during the spring. This is a TOTALLY legit concern!

Oh lawd when I was in my college days (well it was my cosmetology school days) I used to get in so much trouble….I remember one time I was following my girlfriend to her parents house after a house party and I witnessed her hit a mailbox with her car and then we sped off so afraid we would get caught. Or the time I threw up on some dude’s couch after too many keg stands. Le sigh, HAHAHAH I don’t really miss those days too much…

I miss college. Although, I don’t miss being college poor. At all. This college Nadine liked to eat cheap so she could buy new clothes. Still paying for said clothes…and student loans for the degree I don’t use. Drat!

Haha this is kind of hilarious–it’s strange how out of place I feel in college life in just a few short years! I will say, I thought I was SO BUSY in college. And granted, I had a lot of my plate, but it’s nothing compared to what I have now!

This is great! I was never in a sorority but I have still transferred all my early adult woes to my blog. I agree with the 9am one. As for your about me, I like it! Especially since I too own that scarf 🙂

Brilliant! (imagine me saying that in a British accent) I remember a professor telling us our senior year that we will never have more free time than we do right now, in college. I thought, “does he know how busy I am?! I go to class from 10 to 2, have to come home and ‘study’, I have sorority meetings, workouts, intramural games….I am going to have so much more free time after college!” Yeah…he was right. Oh college Lindsey, so naive.

So I saw your Blog post on Jessica Who? I am a follower now (partly because of your giveaway) but mostly because I find your posts hilarious. If blogging is your new sorority I would rush-I also double majored in going out math! College Chloe = a hot mess!CHLOE

Hi, I’m Nadine. I want to live in a world of brick row houses with colorful shutters, walk down every street I haven’t been down before, and eat indian takeout every night. And always with N and Archie beside me.