Be A Better Listener

How I Finally Learned To Shut Up & Listen

Before I start, for those who are reading me for the first time, for the purpose of this column, I need to point out that, aside from working for AskMen, I make a large portion of my living writing comedy.

That said, I've found that many people who work in comedy are often tragically flawed — even more so than the rest of humanity.

You'd be hard-pressed to find a comic who'd disagree. From narcissism to addiction to being the quintessential sad clown, those who make money from writing jokes often have massive character flaws. And recently, by way of comedian Marc Maron, after 32 years of oblivion, I discovered one of mine. And it's a negative quality that I by no means think is exclusive to me or anyone else who fashions themselves a "funny person."

Marc, a veteran stand-up comic and author, hosts WTF With Marc Maron — a twice-weekly podcast that helped rejuvenate his career. In case you've yet to listen, the show is consistently phenomenal. Recorded in the garage of Maron's Los Angeles home, it's a fairly simple operation — a one-on-one interview, just Maron, a guest and a mic. Minimal production. Bare bones. Good conversation and nothing else.

The Jersey-born comic has interviewed everyone from Mel Brooks to Thom Yorke. And recently, while listening to an episode featuring Orange Is the New Black's Natasha Lyonne, Marc unintentionally made me realize something about myself.

Maron's been doing stand-up for decades and, while on stage, he regularly picks apart his own flaws with surgeon-like precision. Yet, when he's interviewing a guest for WTF, he's not only an engaging conversationalist, but also one of the most astute listeners in all of entertainment.

And make no mistake about it, that is a true talent.

Have you ever been speaking to someone and, by the impatient glare in their eye, you can tell that the person isn't really soaking in what you're saying at all? That they're not truly listening but rather just waiting for you to finish so that they can talk too?

Sadly, I've been guilty of that. I know it. As if whatever I have to say is just so goddamn entertaining that I simply can't wait for the words to fly past my teeth. It's a quality that all too many of us have. To innately crave attention. To be a far better subject than an audience. Marc Maron's off-the-charts level of genuine attentiveness made me reflect on my own life and how, at times, I've been guilty of the polar opposite.

No one wants to talk to you if it's obvious you're not really listening.