Why Do Women Refuse Cunnilingus?

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There are some mysteries we may never know the answer to. Why was Stonehenge built? Why can’t you wear white shoes after Labor Day? And why, oh why, isn’t cunnilingus practiced more in the bedroom – as in, why do we turn down our guy’s attempts to go down on us?

We can’t speak for everyone’s motivations. Different strokes for different folks and all that. But, we’d be doing a disservice to all of womankind if we didn’t ask the oral sex question and try to answer it. So, let’s have a real conversation about going downtown to eat the Y and maybe, just maybe, inspire you to welcome it back into your boudoir.

Guess What? You’re Made to Love It

The clitoris is pretty amazing, and we are not just saying that because we are the proud owner of one. The clitoris has over 8,000 nerve endings in it, which is almost twice the number of nerve endings in the head of a man’s penis. It’s what makes the gloriousness of the orgasm possible for many women, and let’s face it – that deserves to be celebrated. Cunnilingus is one of the best ways to do it.

Many women need their clitoris stimulated in order to reach orgasm because no matter how magical your partner’s penis is, it’s not going to grow a little arm and massage your clitoris. And for many women, clitoral orgasm is much easier to achieve than the vaginal one. Which is why cunnilingus (you know, getting eaten out) is so fabulous. It’s direct clitoral stimulation, ladies! So, it begs the question: Why aren’t we doing it more?

A Reality Check

Maybe you’re thinking “What are you talking about? My partner takes care of me all the time!” Our question for you is: Does he have a brother?

According to a recent study out of Canada (thanks Justin Trudeau, you hottie) only 7 percent of men don’t like to eat the peach, go down on you, face the nation – the rest want to please you in the bedroom by getting up close and personal with the little man in your boat, or are at least open to trying.

So, ladies, this means we need to have a little come to Jesus moment here because we need to ask why we are depriving ourselves of this pleasure in the bedroom so we can put a stop to it once and for all!

Why Women Turn Down Going Down

If your partner wants a low-calorie snack at your hot spot, why are you turning them down? Well, it turns out that most women don’t think their partners are very good at it. You can be honest – we’ve all been there.

It’s rare to find a man who knows how to treat a clitoris right from the get-go, with his hands or his mouth. He’s probably watched way too much porn for his own good or yours. It’s a delicate operation, and the harder you rub it or the more direct pressure you put on it doesn’t equal a better time – am I right?

How do you crush your guy’s muff diving dreams by telling him you basically think he’s terrible at it? It’s easier just to avoid it, huh? Well, we say we don’t avoid it anymore.

The Mistakes He’s Making

First, we want to give a shout out to all the men out there that love going down on a woman and their desire to give their partner pleasure. It’s appreciated. No, really, you’re the best. We know that you’re really trying your hardest to get the job done and make your lady feel good. But, we are all about bringing the honesty here so let’s talk about the mistakes our dudes are making when it comes to worshipping at our altar. The mistakes often made, in no particular order, include:

At the end of the day ladies, no one can be responsible for your orgasms but you.The V. Club

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They’re too aggressive. A clitoris is, as previously mentioned, incredibly sensitive. More is not necessarily better when it comes to this endeavor. If you would describe your partner’s ministrations as pulling, tearing, drilling, or (gasp) chewing, then it’s no wonder you want them nowhere near you. Too much pressure will have the exact opposite effect for a lady. It needs to be soft, relaxed, and gentle. When the time is right more pressure can be added, but it has to be the right time.

It’s too targeted. Many men make the mistake of thinking the clitoris should be zeroed in on right away, but if they’re diving right in and going for the lady button, then it’s likely you’re jumping off the bed and screaming. The thing men need to realize is there’s more involved than just the clit. Everything in their face can and should be stimulated to give pleasure.

No lube. Yes, not being properly lubricated during sex play is the stuff of nightmares. Cunnilingus is not a dry endeavor. You should be wet, he should be wet – everything should be wet! There are plenty of edible lubes out there if you need backup.

Facial hair. A beard can be nice, as can a freshly shaven and soft face. But you know what’s not nice? Stubble. Do you want to know why that’s not nice? Because cunnilingus should never be accompanied by a burning sensation. Sandpaper should never be in the same sentence as the clitoris.

No emotional connection. Most women we talk feel proud to be independent, liberated, and in charge of their bodies when it comes to choosing what kind of sex to have and how many people to have sex with. But let’s be honest, most women still need an emotional connection to orgasm because it’s driven just as much by the physical factors as the mental state of mind. If you’re going to let a man perform cunnilingus on you and enjoy it, then some level of trust has to exist. Plus, many women are insecure about how they taste and smell. So if you only recently met the guy, it could be difficult to allow a virtual stranger to do something so personal to you.

What Can You Do?

The good news is that you’re already taking the first step to better oral sex in your life by reading this article. The internet can be a great resource for you and your guy to use in order to improve sex – but let’s stay away from porn for the moment since we’ve established that doesn’t work for this particular effort!

You probably know what you have to do and may not be looking forward to it, but you need to put on your big girl panties and talk to your partner. If you need motivation, just think about all of the fantastic orgasms that will be coming your way as a result. You need to take Prince’s advice and practice a little pussy control here, and you can do that by telling your partner what you want, how you want it, and what you need in order to make cunnilingus more enjoyable for you.

How do you go about this? Well, we happen to have just a few suggestions to help!

Take ownership. You won’t get anywhere if you play the blame game, so use terms like “I feel” or “I need” instead of criticizing him for his inability to take care of business. If you’re not ready to go that route, you can talk about it in terms of abstract people or things. For example, tell your partner about this incredibly awesome article you just read about women and cunnilingus on this phenomenal website where you learned a lot about techniques and ways to make oral sex more enjoyable! You can use us, we’re here for you.

Show him. If you’re not into talking, then the next time your man is going down on you show him what you like. Guide him to the areas you need to have stimulated. Most guys love watching women masturbate, as evidenced by the popularity of this genre in porn, so you can put on a real show here all while teaching him what you like. Or, find an instructional couples video online for you two to watch together as a little foreplay. Your guy cares about you, he’ll take the hint.

Make it playful. Another great way to avoid a serious discussion or criticism is to play a game. There are all kinds of erotic games you can play in the bedroom to help him explore your erogenous zones and make oral sex more fulfilling for you. Play a variation on “Hot or Cold”, where he explores your body with his mouth and is either getting you hot or making you cold!

At the end of the day ladies, no one can be responsible for your orgasms but you. If you’re giving up the gloriousness of oral sex because of your partner, then you need to make changes for the sake of your health and pleasure! Some guys are worth the trouble and if you’ve found one that is, do something about educating him on how to please you in bed. You may not win every argument, but we are pretty sure if sex is involved, your guy will be hard, but not hard to convince!