The Birds and the Bees

As I was putting the birthday boy to bed last night, he looked at me and said, “Okay mom… I ‘m 10 now, so are you finally going to tell me where babies come from? The REAL story mom.” I tried to laugh it off but he was serious. For about a month I have been dodging this question. I am no prude, but talking to my children about the “S” word was something I was just not prepared to do yet. Naively, I thought I would have at least another year or two before going there. I have never really talked to my other mommy friends about this. At what age are you suppose to have this dialog and was my son emotionally ready for it? All these thoughts and more were running through my head, as well as the thought… “Where is my husband?” Then I remembered how I had just done a post about wanting to live in the moment, and well having this type of talk would definitely be in the moment. Besides, I want him to know that he can talk to me about anything. I want him to not be afraid of his body. I also want him to hear things from me first and not from someone else. But what was I suppose to tell him? How much is too much? Not having the answers to these questions, I did what any other mother would have done… I winged it! In hind sight… this was one conversation I should have perhaps done a little prep work for. But all in all… I think it went fairly well.

So here is how it went.

ME- “Jay do you really want to know this? Are kids at school talking about it? What do you already know.”

JAY- “I know they don’t really come from the stork. I know the baby grows in the mommy’s belly. But how does it get there?”

ME- “Well the daddy plants a seed in the mommy’s belly.”(Jay gives me a confused look making me realize I need to explain quickly because my very literal son is imaging a tree growing.) “Okay you know the difference between men and women right? Men have a penis and women have a vagina. Well the two are shaped very differently. God made it that way on purpose so that the two can fit together perfectly. (Another confused look making me realize I needed a visual for him to get it. So I shaped one hand into a circle and pointed my index finger on the other hand.)

JAY- “Oh I get it. Like a ring on a finger!”

ME- “Exactly. And when the mommy and daddy fit together, the man’s seed goes into the mommy. The seed meets up with an egg which is already in the mommy and that is how a baby is made. The baby will grow from that egg. It takes 9 months and then the baby is ready to be born.”

(At this point my son has buried his head underneath his pillow.)

ME- “I know it sounds kind of gross right? What are you thinking? You okay?”

JAY- “I am thinking that if Gracie asks you this question you should just keep with the stork version! Can we pretend we never had this discussion now?”

Actually according to the experts he is not too young. According to the experts (I went online today) you should begin having SEX discussions with your kids starting at 6. We live in a very different world these days. They say by the time your child is 12 they will already be feeling peer pressure to engage in some form of sexual activity. 12!!! Unbelievable! They also say that kids whose parents started talking honestly with them about sex early were 85% less likely to engage in sexual activity early on. So even though it made me uncomfortable… and obviously made him uncomfortable too, it was an important conversation to have. And honestly I did not go into major details. I talked about anatomy really. He will get that part in school later this year. YUP it starts in 4th grade now.

Way to go sis… You need to be sensitive yet honest. There are also some really good books for kids. Although I might suggest and added talk with jay about how while you are trying to be very honest with him it is up to his friends parents to answer any questions they may have… Last thing u need is a call from school that jay is conducting sex Ed classes!!!

We did talk about how this was a private topic one that we are having in private and one that other kids will have in private with thier families. His response was, “Mom the last thing I want to talk about with anyone at school is this!” Too funny!

I LOL at the seed reference. My son Thomas is very literal too. I showed him a picture of a Star Wars b-day cake a couple years ago and he said he wanted one but not with the name Andrew on it (had to then explain it was just a sample cake and they would put his name on it)! We just had the birds/bees talk last month—not because he asked though but because his school (he’s in 5th grade) is having a maturation class next month and then a reproductive/sexual diseases class in May. So I figured I should fill him in on some details as surprises are usually not good for him. He already knew from friends about what male and female body parts were involved but didn’t know the rest. He said it was disgusting and changed the subject quickly!