Eritrean writer and musician Senait Mehari was abandoned by her mother as a baby. Her father beat her and sold her to the Eritrean Liberation Front, which was fighting a war against Ethiopia. She spent three years in a training camp before being rescued, moving to Sudan and later Germany. She now has a successful music career. Her biography, Heart Of Fire, is out now.

What was life like in the training camps?

Every day was different. It wasnât like we stayed in the same place and got up every day to have breakfast. Sometimes, we wouldnât eat for three days and weâd only get a cup of water. When the enemy came closer, we had to run away overnight Ã the kids all got in a lorry and suddenly it was morning and we were in a nothingness, pure desert. There was violence, illness and no medicine. Itâs like youâre a prisoner in a very dark room and you donât know how long youâll be there.

What happened to children who tried to escape?

They were shot. No mercy.

Did you form relationships or was life more about self-preservation?

When youâre hungry or thirsty, you donât want to share. But in the night, we would huddle together. It happened automatically. Weâd sleep so close but, the next day, everybody did their own thing. In the night, we were looking for warmth. And we were scared to be touched by men, so we all slept together to make it hard for them. This is why, if Iâm sleeping on my own at my place, I canât sleep without the television or a light on. When I have bad dreams and I wake up, I want to see the room. I canât exist in darkness, because the bad things that happened to me happened mostly in the night.

Can you remember the first time a gun was put in your hands?

I was six-and-a-half. Iâd been in the camp for five or six months. They gave me a Kalashnikov. I said to them: ‘I donât want to kill anyone. Please, please. I donât want to get killed.’ They told me to shut up, that I was weak. Then, in training, the gun was so big, it knocked me down. I couldnât do it. From that day on, my work was to look for wood or food or water. But to see the war is the same thing, whether you shoot or not – you see all the violence around you.

How did you get out of the camp?

My uncle, Haile, found out where we were. A nomad led him to us and he waited for days until we were at the river getting water. He told us the war was lost and we would die, and he arranged to meet us by the river in two days. He dressed me as a nomad girl and sat me on a donkey. It took us a few days to reach a town in Sudan. Three nights later, we saw on the news that 700 children had been killed by Ethiopian bombs. Everybody in the camp had died.

Does Eritrea continue to use child soldiers?

Iâve heard many times that it continues, that the Eritrean Peopleâs Liberation Front – my enemy – go from house to house taking the children.

Where do you direct your anger?

I never hate other people. I hated myself, because Iâd been told so many times I was nothing. My mother tried to kill me. In the camps, people told me I was weak, I was bad. Of course, I started to believe that. Every night, I hoped not to wake up the next day. In Germany, I took a lot of pills but I was discovered, taken to the hospital and I got some psychological help.

Why did you go back to your father, even though he nearly murdered you and gave you to soldiers?

I was scared of my dad but I never hated him. Even after heâd hit me, Iâd hear him crying in the night and Iâd go and hold him tight. I love my dad so much and I would like to understand why he behaved like that. He must have a lot of problems. When people are not satisfied, they are aggressive and do bad things to others.

Many people would be bitter. How do you remain positive?

Iâm a person who never lost hope. And I have God. For a long time, I felt that good things happened to good people and bad things to bad people – I thought I must be a bad person for all these things to happen to me. But then I was happy because I realised I could sing and that I was very good in school. I thought God has to love me, otherwise he wouldnât have given me all this.