Sick and scared stiff

This my first time I'm doing this because I need to know what to do. And need some one to talk to I feel like I'm losing everything about me.
My husband of 15 years has turn out to a narcissist abusive person. We have a child and has made many threats about about he plans to do. We do not do anything well together at all driving our child crazy. I'm very angry and annoyed as I'm typing this because I hate myself that things are like this. I try so much but it is not seen or perceived that way. I feel like failure in so ways, so many issues I don't know where to begin.
I know we will separate and that scares me because I have no one that cares in my corner I would be so alone. ( tears).
When I think back to beginning of things there were signs that I should have ran but didn't because there were so many things that made me feel like I was crazy for thinking things like that. I know now I wasn't crazy or imagining it. But I would have never had my child and that is worth everything and so much I got and learned from being with this man. All in all he is a good person but troubled like us all.
I have no job very little money for anything feel very doomed. Like I'm in a cardboard box and more dirt is going to be thrown on me never to get out again.
I don't know where to turn for the right kind of help.
I have special circumstances to think about.
I hurt so much and want this to END!!!!!!!1

First off - i am sorry you are going through this and am glad you recognize that this didn't happen just all the sudden out of the blue - you ignored the warning signs. And i am not blaming you - its just good that you are recognizing this now. I think you should call the abuse hotline in your area for a referral to free survivor/victim counseling. It will help you gain some perspective. It gave me immeasurable support.

You say you have no one in your corner - don't you have family on your side? What about friends you can reconnect with who stopped talking to you because he pushed them all away but were good friends at one time?

Can you get a job? What are these "special circumstances" you have to think about?

this is not your fault for the way he is. Get out now while your child can still be saved

YOu won't believe me now, but you will later - the best thing you can do is create space between the two of you. I know when i went through it - the people at the abuse/women's shelter center were very supportive. They asked if i needed help with housing (not in a huge room with 40 other people) also. Do you have a relative you can stay with at all, even just for a little while? Even if you at first, just to get your confidence up, go visit a relative for a few days under the guise that you are just visiting and taking the child to have a few days away?

I was you several years ago. I was a stay at home with no marketable skills and had an abusive controlling husband.
If you're with someone like this it's not uncommon to look around you and realize your world is rather small and you have very little or no support.
It's by design on their part.
I am a testimony to someone who got up and walked out and now I am a strong, single, professional homeowner.
I did not happen overnight.

First step. .get into counseling and talk to lawyer.

You don't need to make any decisions at this time but knowledge it power.
I remember feeling paralyzed and unable to put one foot in front of the other.
But some how you do. . and you keep moving forward.

I used to say I was staying for my children. In the end I left for them.
Hang in there. . you can do this. I promise

Consider contacting one of the domestic violence hotlines on the Internet for a referral to someone local who will work with you to create a plan and connect you to resources, such as a lawyer for legal advice.

I was you several years ago. I was a stay at home with no marketable skills and had an abusive controlling husband.
If you're with someone like this it's not uncommon to look around you and realize your world is rather small and you have very little or no support.
It's by design on their part.
I am a testimony to someone who got up and walked out and now I am a strong, single, professional homeowner.
I did not happen overnight.

First step. .get into counseling and talk to lawyer.

You don't need to make any decisions at this time but knowledge it power.
I remember feeling paralyzed and unable to put one foot in front of the other.
But some how you do. . and you keep moving forward.

I used to say I was staying for my children. In the end I left for them.
Hang in there. . you can do this. I promise

I really admire you posts reinventmyself! (here and on other parts of the forun). Reading your posts is inspirational

Itís been a bit but things are the same and if not some what worse. Our child is really acting out and having difficulties.
My health has declined I believe because of the trauma Iíve lived with all my life.
Someone asked about family, well they are a strange, I just recently started talking to my only sibling but feel I have to be careful not to say the wrong thing and push them away.
I have good friends but again I donít like talking about myself like that because every one has troubles and I donít want to burden others (LOL,talking here seems different). I thankfully do have a friend that has been in my home long enough to know , she asked me repeatedly how do you put up with it I said ď 16 years of conditioningĒ.
She even said to me that she would be a character witness.
Because we have our child in counselling we have been told that it would be a good idea to get some together or single. So we have the ball roll now. Once that started he thought he could start pestering me for stuff... I just canít it makes me feel horrible like I have never felt before and I really do like it (sex), I just canít with him ANYMORE.
I described to the counsellor that life for me at is like a ping pong game Iím the table it starts out with ping pong balls and goes to boulder quickly.
I remember saying the end of last year that I was determined to change things but have not . I canít go through another year like this. I got to make a move for the better.
Thank you to you all for being there.