so happy to show us
I ate the lotus.
say haven't you noticed?
I ate the lotus

storefront window, I reflect.
just last week I was merely heck
tip the scale. I was hell
picked me up, then I fell.
who's this stranger? crowbar
spine
...and I feel fine.
let it rain, rain, rain
bring my happy back again.

so happy to show us
I ate the lotus.
say haven't you noticed?
I ate the lotus

you want to go
out friday
and you want to go forever.
you know that it sounds childish
that you've dreamt of alligators.
you hope that we are with you
and you hope you're recognized
you want to go forever
you see it in my eyes.
I'm lost in the confusion
and it doesn't seem to matter
you really can't believe it
and you hope it's getting better.

you want to trust the doctors
their procedure is the best
but the last try was a failure
and the intern was a mess.
and they did the same to Matthew
and he bled 'til sunday night
they're saying don't be
frightened
but you're weakened by the sight
of it
you lock into a pattern
and you know that it's the last
ditch
you're trying to see through it
and it doesn't make sense
but they're saying don't be
frightened
and they're killing alligators
and they're hog-tied
and accepting of the struggle

you want to trust religion
and you know it's allegory
but the people who are followers
have written their own story.
so you look up to the heavens
and you hope that it's a
spaceship
and it's something from your
childhood
you're thinking don't be
frightened

you want to climb the ladder
you want to see forever
you want to go out friday
you want to go forever.
and you want to cross your dna
to cross your dna with something
reptile
and you're questioning the
sciences
and you're questioning religion
you're looking like an idiot
and you no longer care.
and you want to bridge the
schism,
a built-in mechanism to protect
you.
and you're looking for salvation
and you're looking for
deliverance
you're looking like an idiot
and you no longer care.
you want to climb the ladder
you want to see forever.
you want to go out friday
you want to go forever.

I read bad poetry
into your machine.
I save your messages
just to hear your voice.
you always listen carefully
to awkward rhymes.
you always say your name,
like I wouldn't know it's you
at your most beautiful

I've found a way to make you
I've found a way
a way to make you smile

at my most beautiful
I count your eyelashes, secretly
with everyone whisper I love you.
I let you sleep.
I know you're closed eye
watching me,
listening.
I thought I saw a smile.

they call me the
apologist.
and know that I'm at peak.
you know at first it really
hurt.
we joke about these things.
I've skirted all the differences
but know I'm facing up.
I wanted to apologize for
everything I was. so
I'm sorry, so sorry...

did you understand me right?
the people here are good.
they tell me what I should have
done
and offer what I could.
I'm good, all is good
all's well no complaints.
when I feel regret,
I get down on my knees pray.
I'm sorry, so sorry...

I live a simple life
unfettered by complex sweets.
you think this isn't me?
don't be weak.
there I go.
I'm so sorry.

thank you for being their for me.
thank you for listening, goodbye
I can forfeit selfishness
I hope for you that you apply
this hapiness
this peacefulness
I'm sorry, so sorry...

I live a simple life
unfettered by complex sweets.
you think this isn't me?
that's so sweet.
I'm so sorry.

if we're talking
about love
then I have to tell you
dear readers, I'm not sure where
I'm headed.
I've gotten lost before.
I've woke up stone drunk
face down in the floor.

late afternoon, the house is
hot.
I started, I jumped up.
everyone hates a bore.
everybody hates a drunk.

this may be a lit invention
professors muddled in their
intent
to try to rope in followers
to float their malcontent.
as for this reader,
I'm already spent.

late afternoon the house is hot.
I started, I jumped up.
everyone hates a sad professor.
I hate were I wound up.

dear readers, my apologies.
I'm drifting in and out of
sleep.
long silence presents the
tragedies
of love. note the age. get
afraid.
the surface hazy with attendant
thoughts.
a lazy eye metaphor on the
rocks.

late afternoon, the house is
hot.
I started, I jumped up
everyone hates a bore.
everybody hates a drunk.
everyone hates a sad professor.
I hate where I wound up.
I hate where I wound up.

you wanted a
challenge that's calling you
higher I landed on my feet by
crawling I
remember standing alone trying
to forget you idling I hate to
admit that that's my
reference point but there it is
you say you want me

I'm what you found I'm upside
down you're in the air you're in
the air and I'm breathing

brighten the stars the weather
is lifting the heavens love a
love like this it's pulling
you higher twist it and turn
this around it lights from
within it dribbles your chin now
brings a smile I'm lost again
I'm lost again

I'm what you found I'm upside
down you're in the air you're in
the air and I'm breathing
you

I want the stars to know they've
won if only to beguile the sky
has opened up again in
heaven reconciled I want you
naked I want you wild I want the
stars to know they win
give me that smile just give it
me just turn it on I'm lost
again

I'm what you found I'm upside
down you're in the air I'm what
you found I'm upside down you're
in the air I'm what you found
I'm upside down you're
everywhere you're in the air and
I'm breathing you

as the sun comes
up, as the moon
goes down
these heavy notions creep around
it makes me think
long ago I was brought into
this life a little lamb
a little lamb
courageous, stumbling
fearless was my middle name.
but somewhere there I
lost my way
everyone walks the same
expecting me to step
the narrow path they've laid
they claim to
walk unafraid
I'll be clumsy instead
hold my love me or leave me
high.

say "keep within the boundaries
if you want
to play."
say "contradiction only makes it
harder."
how can I be
what I want to be?
when all I want to do is strip
away
these stilled constraints
and crush this charade
shred this sad masquerade
I don't need no persuading
I'll trip, fall, pick myself up
and
walk unafraid
I'll be clumsy instead
hold my love me or leave me
high.

if I have a bag of rocks to
carry as I go
I just want to hold my head up
high
I don't care what I have to step
over
I'm prepared to look you in the
eye
look me in the eye
and if you see familiarity
then celebrate the contradiction
help me when I fall to
walk unafraid
I'll be clumsy instead
hold my love me or leave me
high.
walk unafraid
I'll be clumsy instead
hold my love me or leave me
high.

the concrete
broke your fall
to hear you speak of it
I'd have done anything
I would do anything
I feel like a cartoon brick wall
to hear you speak of it
you've been so sad
it makes me worry
why not smile?
you've been sad for a while.
why not smile?

I would do anything
to hear you speak of it.
why not smile?
you've been sad for a while.
(2x)

receiving
department, 3 a.m.
staff cuts have socked up the
overage
directives are posted.
no callbacks, complaints.
everywhere is calm.

Hong Kong is present
Taipei awakes
all talk of circadian rhythm

I see today with a newsprint
fray
my night is colored headache
grey
daysleeper

the bull and the bear are
marking
their territories
they're leading the blind with
their international glories

I'm the screen, the blinding
light
I'm the screen, I work at night.

I see today with a newsprint
fray
my night is colored headache
grey
don't wake me with so much.
daysleeper.

I cried the other night
I can't even say why
fluorescent flat caffeine lights
its furious balancing

I'm the screen, the blinding
light
I'm the screen, I work at night
I see today with a newsprint
fray
my night is colored headache
grey
don't wake me with so much. the
ocean machine is set to 9
I'll sqeeze into heaven and
valentine
my bed is pulling me,
gravity
daysleeper. daysleeper.
daysleeper. daysleeper.
daysleeper.

I watched you
fall.
I think I pushed.
maybe I'm crazy
maybe diminished
maybe I'm innocent
maybe I'm finished
maybe I blacked out.
how do I play this?

I will give my best today
I will give myself away
I have never heard anything
is the jury wavering?
do they know I sing?

maybe I'm crazy
maybe diminished
how do I,
how do I play this?
jealous lover, self defence
protective brother, chemical
dependence.
I'll consult the i-ching
I'll consult the tv
ouija, oblique strategies.
I'll consult the law books for
precedents.
can I charm the jury?

I will give my best today
I will give myself away
I have never hurt anything
is the justice wavering?
does she know I sing
that song?
sing along
sing along
sing along
(I will never hurt anything)

maybe they'll see me,
maybe they'll say,
"I can see the truth in his
statement.
smallpox blanket? no way."
can I charm the jury, my
defense?
maybe I'm crazy
maybe diminished
maybe I loved you
baby I loved you
baby I loved you
baby I loved you
baby I'm finished.

I will give my best today
I will give myself away
I have never hurt anything
is the justice wavering?
does she know I sing
that song?
sing along
sing along
sing along
(I will never hurt anything)
I have given myslef away
I have given my best today
I have never hurt anything
is the justice wavering?
does she know I loved you
does she know I loved you?
does she know I sing?

I feel great. I
lied to save your feelings.
truth convened, my
head smashed through the
ceiling. I lost an arm, no one
harmed,
you diplomatically alarmed. I
sulked away to lick my thin
skin.
I'm not over you. I'm not over
you. I'm not over you.

you wake up in
the morning
and fall out of your bed
mean cats eat parakeets
and this one's nearly dead.
you dearly wish the wind would
shift
and greasy windows slide
open for the parakeet
who's colored bitter lime.

open the window
and lift into your dreams
lately, baby
you can barely breathe.

a broken wrist
an accident
you know that something's wrong
you fold the leavings of your
past
no one knows you've gone.
the sunspot flares of the early
nineties light up your wings
and scan the shortwave radio
it's tracking outer rings.

open the window
and lift into your dreams
lately, baby
you can barely breathe.

the tectonic dispatcher shifts
to smooth the ocean floor
and flattens out to warmer winds
of Brisbane's sunny shore.
where buddhas tend to mending
wrists
a tea made made from the leaves
of eucalyptus fragrances
and coriander seeds.

open the window
and lift into your dreams
lately, baby
you can barely breathe.

you wake up in the morning
to warm Pacific breeze
where mean cats chew on licorice
and cannot climb the trees.

open the window
and lift into a dream
baby, baby
bay starts to breathe

I'll take the
position
assume the missionary part
you work by committee,
you had me pegged from the
start.
I'll be pounce pony,
phony maroney,
pony before the cart.
I'll be pounce pony.
this ceremony
only fills my heart.

who cast the final stone?
who threw the crushing blow?
someone has to take the fall
why not me?

a punch toy volunteer
a weakling on its knee.
is all you want to hear
and all ou want to see.
romantically, you'd martyr me
and miss the story's point
it is my strength, my destiny
this is the role that I have
chosen.

who cast the final stone?
who threw the crushing blow?
someone has to take the fall
why not me?

gentleman mark your opponents
fire into your own ranks.
pick the weakest as strategic
move. square off. to
meet your enemy.
for each and every gathering
a scapegoat falls to climb.
as I step forward, silently.
deliberately mine

who cast the final stone?
who threw the crushing blow?
someone has to take the fall
why not me? why not me.
had consequence chose
differently
had fate its ugly head
my actions make me beautiful
and dignify the flesh