Footy howlers laid bare

IT was Bulldogs coach Rodney Eade who brought a touch of nostaliga back to Aussie Rules commentary last week. ``I think our first four or five weeks was all about recovery,'' said Rocket, ``so we need to touch the balls a bit more often.'' Touching their balls, eh? That's more like it (although we are more used to the sight of dogs licking them). Since footy commentary became so professional, the ribald howler has virtually disappeared from the game.

I'm talking about the sort of good earthy stuff we got from blokes like Jack Dyer: ``Mark Lee's long arms reach up like giant testicles''. They were the days when TV and radio stations grabbed any player who had been a star on field and presumed he would be a champion at the microphone.

But it was a huge leap for some, moving from footy field to commentary booth. Of course, the word ``ball'' was a problem from the start, this being a masculine game of macho proportions. One recalls the ABC radio bloke who screeched excitedly: ``He bursts out of the pack holding the Sherrin. Not Tom, one of his balls''.

So footy commentators have had to watch themselves. Just a week ago at the Demons-Cats showdown Ten bloke Tim Lane told of the Demon who ``pulled it out'' at the boundary line, a practice familiar in golf (usually behind a tree) but not in footy with up to 90,000 watching on.

That one took your bloggist back 20 years when, as the In Black and White columnist on the old Melbourne Herald, I would compile a `Boot In Mouth'' collection, week by week through the winter season, from the commentators. Ah, the nostalgia. Your bloggist felt moved this week to delve in to the files from the 1980s to savour those good old-fashioned stuff-ups once more. Please join me in saluting:

JACK DYER: ``Fitzroy has copulated to the opposition.''

PETER BOOTH (ABC): ``Here's the first madam we've had on the line this morning.''

BOOTH AGAIN: ``Doull grabbed him on the point of impact.''

You know, I've always wondered why, of all the words in the language, they had to choose ``behinds'' for the shot at goal that misses. That has led to all sorts of problems. For example, Mike Fitzpatrick, guest-commentating on Channel Two in 1985: ``And so, they exchange behinds.'' Hey, we've heard of organ transplants, but that was ridiculous!

Posted
by Lawrence MoneyMay 12, 2009 3:16 PM

LATEST COMMENTS

I don't know if this story is true or not, but it's a great story!
Apparently, in his first job commentating live on the radio, Jack Dyer noted that a player had marked very close to goal. A dead easy shot. However, the ball flew off the side of the boot for a behind. He described it thus:
"Coming if for the kick... Ohhh! He's fooking kicked a c**t of a kick!"
Which was true and all that, but being Live On The Radio was a bit of problem.
As I said, I don't know if this story is true, but it explained why Lou Richards was, from their early days commentating, the more prominent of the two. Which makes it sound true enough...