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Wednesday, 24 April 2019

Varadkar's cringemaking letters

It seems that the Teasack is a dangerous man when left alone with some official letter-paper and a biro. It started when his letter to Kylie came to light; in his childish inward-sloping script Varadkar gushed

Dear Kylie,

just wanted to drop you a short note in advance of the concert in Dublin.
I am really looking forward to it. Am a huge fan!
I understand you are staying in the Merrion Hotel which is just across the street from my office in Government Buildings.

If you like, I’d love to welcome you to Ireland personally

Leo
Teasack (Irish Prime Minister)

Now journalists want to see a letter he wrote to Melania Trump - but the Teasack's officials, wary of more cringemaking gushing being revealed, are so far refusing an Irish FOI request on grounds that it deals with 'International Relations'.

However, we can take a stab at the likely content;

Dear Dear Melania

How wonderful you looked today! How do you get your hair like that? You must tell me your secret. In fact, we should be besties and share all our secrets - I do a thing with yoghurt and cucumber peel which is very good for the private places! I loved your shoes - I could die for the chance of Manolo Blahviks like that, with the cute little bows!

Anyway must dash - Jean-Claude wants me on the phone (boring!)

Leo
Teasack (Irish Prime Minister)

Further requests are to be submitted for copies of the Teasack's letters to Beyonce, Lady Gaga and the blond boy from 'Talent'.

Sobers. Varadkar is taken very seriously, by the twenty-six leaders of the most developed, richest economy in the world, who are resolutely behind him and his country, and so he is way more powerful than this country's PM.

He is a serious person.

Never mind today even, can you just imagine, the UK, with Johnson, say, as PM?

You actually know that isn't true so why write it? Maybe a few times, maybe even a few dozen (I actually doubt that); count the number of tweets and it'll be far lower than the average. You can hate Trump but don't make up shit, it makes it too easy to counter.