Wednesday, October 30, 2013

To Party - Or Not To Party

Today we are
facing what has become our annual Aaron dilemma at this Halloween time of
year.His day group, Paradigm, is having
their Halloween party tomorrow.Aaron
has helped the staff shop for decorations and other party supplies; he has
listened to party plans being made; he has talked about the fact that there
will be a party on Halloween………..but now that push comes to shove and the party
is actually upon him, he does not want to go.I mean, totally does NOT want to go to the Halloween party.

We
understand that Aaron doesn’t handle huge social gatherings very well.All the talking and the noise and the
stimulation puts him on overload.We’ve
had many, many experiences in the past when he was young and we made him go
with us to events……….and sometimes we paid dearly for it with deep frustration
and very red faces.But this Paradigm
party is different, at least to us, and we can’t believe Aaron doesn’t want to
go.It seems that he would enjoy a fun
day with the staff and clients that he normally hangs out with anyway.He knows he doesn’t have to dress up.Lots of the clients don’t wear costumes.We tried a costume with Aaron for the
Paradigm party a few years ago………a mask that wasn’t tight fitting………but he
ended up carrying it around all day, or dropping it on a chair, and not wearing
it at all.

Even the
promise of movies and fun food and candy doesn’t make Aaron budge.I think a big reason he doesn’t want to go is
because he just sees all the excitement and noise and fun that everyone else is
having as being very annoying.It’s out
of the norm and he doesn’t enjoy it at all.I think he feels like he has to act in a party way that is so out of
character for him that he ends up angry and irritated…….and hateful to
boot.

Something
similar happens here at home on Christmas Eve.We play silly, fun games on Christmas Eve as a family.We always make sure to include Aaron, but he
always goes up to his room after hanging around for a short time.The one game that he stays around the longest
for is Christmas Bingo.We have a big
basket full of small, wrapped gifts………and the winner of each round gets to take
one.What could be more fun than
that?The thing is, we’re all laughing
and talking and being silly…….except for Aaron.Gary calls out the moves, and he is also being rather loud to be heard
as well as funny just for fun……….and Aaron ends up getting grouchier and
grouchier by the minute.He sees nothing
fun about this mess.Even the gifts are
hardly able to hold him at the table……but he wants so much to stay.However, he invariably becomes rude and
offensive, putting us all on edge and making us hope that soon he will excuse
himself.When he gathers up his gifts that
he won and heads up the stairs, we breathe sighs of relief and then sometimes
feel guilty for doing so.Such is party
life with Aaron.

This morning
Aaron was up early again, as he has been now for a few weeks.He’s usually happy, though, so I’m not
complaining.Except this morning he went
from happy to being a little edgy about the Halloween party tomorrow.It didn’t take him long to mention the
dreaded party.I was trying to lighten
the mood by doing a little joking, but Aaron was becoming a little riled.Finally I told him that I was just trying to
have fun, and he replied, “You’re not making ME have fun!”

Well, no, I
realize that I’m not making you have fun, Aaron.

“And Mom, I
don’t want to go to the Halloween party!” he continued.He was on this one track and not about to
take a detour off of it.I tried several
times to get Aaron to explain why he didn’t want to go to the party.“Aaron, tell me WHY you don’t want to go to
the party.I know you don’t want to go,
but explain WHY,” I would say.

“I don’t
want to go,” he replied abruptly.“There!I explained it!!”

No, Aaron,
you didn’t explain it at all………but I got no farther than “I don’t want to go!”

I opened our
newspaper to give Aaron his comics to read.I eventually leaned over the table to look at a few pictures of some
local well-known people in their thrift shop Halloween costumes………and Aaron saw
me.Saw me looking at HALLOWEEN
costumes!

“Miss Mean
Lady!” he said to me.“You’re looking at
those Halloween costumes, making me go!!I say FORCING!!”

So this Miss
Mean Lady assured Aaron that I had no such intention as I folded up the paper
and got my day underway with a laugh at Aaron’s absurd statement……and his title
for Mom at the moment.Miss Mean Lady,
indeed.How dare I make my son go to a
PARTY, of all things?Aaron has no idea
how funny that is because in his world, a party is usually anything but fun.I don’t get it…….no one else gets it……….but
yet we do, because we know that Aaron’s perceptions are not at all ours.Somehow we understand, even though we can’t
relate.We’ve known Aaron long enough to
know that it’s futile to try to force this issue, as he said……..”You’re not
making ME have fun!”

We’ll see,
but I have a feeling I’ll have company tomorrow.He’ll be happy and relieved to not be at the
party, of all things.

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About Me

I am the mother of three adult children. Our oldest child, Aaron, has both Epilepsy and Asperger's Syndrome (high-functioning autism). Aaron is now 30 years old and still lives at home with my husband and me. Aaron is really very funny, when he's not being very aggravating, and I love to share the humor and the joy of living with an adult child with autism. Sometimes I share the frustrations and struggles, too. Interspersed throughout are devotional thoughts that come while I garden and just live my daily life. It's a journey!