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All in the span of a couple weeks, I finished my undergrad classes! I graduated! I had my bridal shower! I got married! I flew to the Dominican Republic! Not gonna lie, life has been pretty awesome.

But… What’s next?

I blog because I feel a strong desire to open up to the great community of my readers and fellow bloggers, and I’ve gotta be super vulnerable with you guys right now. I knew this was coming, but I didn’t think about strategically planning for it: I’m coasting. I don’t have a full-time job; I finished school; I finished putting my new home together post-wedding. What now?

A month before the wedding, I made the big decision to quit a job I hated. I was waitressing, but it wore on me far too much to let the dread of my next shift weigh me down in the midst of so much joy and love and community in my life right before my wedding. It was a great decision and I definitely don’t regret it. And, to be honest, not having to worry about coming right back home to a job after the honeymoon allowed me to get everything unpacked and put away in our home, and easily readjust. L and I have known that the plan is for me to find work soon after getting settled – both for the monetary reasons and for the fact that I’m getting so bored sitting around the house all day! So when I found a great want ad for a marketing management opportunity, I was stoked.

I wrote a kick-butt cover letter, updated my resume, read their entire website, and psyched myself up for the idea of a new job (Yay! Something to do! Money to make! People to meet! Goals to reach!). I nailed the first interview, which was over the phone. Apparently this job was a bigger deal than I realized – from 140-200 interviewees, I was chosen as part of the top 10 to have a second, in-person interview. But that’s where the great stuff ends. Don’t get me wrong, I rocked the second interview, but seeing the job up close and getting the nitty-gritty details (L called this “talking turkey,” which makes me giggle) made me realize that this job isn’t something I wanted to wake up and do everyday. However, I was already on the spot, and uncertain, so I proceeded to nail the follow-up persuasion email, too. It was at this point where they may or may not call me to offer a third, phone interview to in order to finalize bringing me onto their team.

All weekend I knew there was a big chance this call was coming my way. But my intuition wasn’t happy about it. I even found myself telling my mom and my best friend that I hoped I wouldn’t get the third interview so I wouldn’t have to worry about making the call about whether or not this was something I wanted. At about 12:30 today, they did call me, and asked if it was a good time for the third interview or if they should call me back. I requested that they call back at 3 and then reached out to my husband.

I hadn’t been 100% open with him about how conflicted I was feeling. I had been so excited and pumped up over the opportunity that I wanted to be sure it was something I wasn’t excited about anymore before talking to him. I’ve been bored out of my mind and it’d be a huge help for me to contribute a full-time income to our funds, so I felt a lot of pressure to just go for it even if the pay wasn’t awesome and the job itself didn’t sound fun. My internal compass just wasn’t happy and I didn’t know what to do about it. He hugged me and reassured me that we’re not anywhere near a situation where we are “settled down” yet, and we’re hoping for him to get a different job in a town we like better by the fall anyway. He said that, for now, he thinks I should focus on finding something I enjoy. This encouragement meant the world to me, and between that and visualizing not having this job in my future, I felt relieved (not a feeling you should experience when visualizing not getting a job opportunity you’re meant to go for). I knew at this point I could stay true to myself with the most important person to me also being on my team (hey, it’s what he’s here for, too, isn’t it?).

When they called back at 3pm, I politely thanked them and declined. I’ve learned that not all opportunities I am able to take are opportunities I should take. I made a tough call to stay true to and honest with myself and to do what’s good for me. I feel like I’ve taken another step towards growing up. Although I’m left still kind of wondering what on Earth there is for me to do next, I’m happy knowing that I have given myself permission to make sure it’s something I enjoy and learn from instead of jumping for another job that feels like it drains my soul and energy.

Have you ever had to make a hard call to stay true to yourself? What did you do?

Hello again! In my last blog update before I got married, I mentioned that I was going to start doing “Currently” posts instead of my usual “Wednesday Things.” Just thought I’d add that little reminder since I’m back to posting regularly on the blog!

Reading… nothing at the moment. I just finished Night Circus by Eric Morgenstern for Bonnie’s Book Club (one of my favorite bloggers – go fall in love with her, too!). It. Was. BRILLIANT. I got it as an audiobook, which was read by Jim Dale (who read the audio books for the Harry Potter series and is absolutely amazing). For months now, I’ve been raving about audio books, but now that I’m not driving to school everyday or an hour just to see my man anymore, I’m definitely not driving nearly as much as I had been. I guess it’s time for me to sit and read one of my hard copy books!

Watching… Parks and Rec. How did I ever fall behind on this show? We’ve also been catching up on Arrow but sometimes we just need better acting/happier content/shorter episodes. What are you watching?

Anticipating… getting another job. I’m still writing for My Subscription Addiction (and loving it – seriously, what a dream job!) but I’d love to get an hourly job that 1) isn’t waitressing, 2) lets me work during the same hours as Luke so we still have our evenings together, 3) is something I don’t hate, which requires that it’s also 4) not waitressing (oh, did I mention that already?). Also, I’d like to avoid the retail industry. I’ve been sick for the last two weeks, which has given me an out from pressuring myself to go apply anywhere, but now that I’m feeling better I’m definitely antsy to get out there and talk to people.

Eating… chocolate. Seriously, I got to review Treatsie‘s new Chocolate Bar Subscription box and the gourmet chocolates have been amaaaazinnnng. Also, because I’ve been sick – like I said – I made a super yummy “Chicken Noodle Soup Casserole” thing. And I got to use my new bakeware!

Planning… A date night. Between post-wedding catching up and Memorial Day plans, the only times Luke and I have spent away from the house together has been for family get-togethers, but I really need a date night. Did you know that Frankenmuth has an adventure park with rope courses and zip lines and everything? I’ve been dying to go there since I found out about it last fall. It was too cold then, but now that it’s summer I definitely want to get all over that.

Needing… to get back to exercising. I’m in a new town, so I need to explore good running routes. Like I said though, I’ve been sick and haven’t wanted to push myself to go running when my lungs were making me have cough attacks every 10 minutes. Now that I’m better there’s no excuse!

I’ve officially been married to the man of my dreams for 17 days now! It’s crazy to me to think that now my wedding day is a thing of the past and I’ve loved unfollowing every pinterest wedding board I’ve ever followed (except for my best friend’s, who got engaged the day after my wedding!). From the moment I walked into the rehearsal to see almost all of my extended family waiting in the church foyer for me and giving each one of them big hugs, I felt so much love and felt so very blessed all weekend. There’s been so much celebration and joy and anticipation in my life for months, and now it’s calm and quiet and peaceful (and oh so happy).

My wedding day was absolute perfection. There were like, maybe 2-3 bumps in the day but they’re so not even a big deal. Whenever people would ask me if I was going for any kind of theme, I’d simply say that my goal was for it to be one big celebration. And it was! I feel pure joy when I think about it (and when I re-watch my wedding’s highlight reel for the 1094235094094th time). Additionally, however, I just feel so incredibly grateful and humbled by the love and support which surrounds me. To see so many people come to my wedding to support our marriage and celebrate with us was so touching. Every moment was something sweet and every person was some one I was happy to have there.

It’s funny how everything works out. If you’ve been following my blog for some time at all, you probably know that there were a whole lot of obstacles on the way to planning everything. From my dad losing his job (and starting a new one), to me quitting a job I hated, to changing venues about 2 or 3 times… there were so many things that happened along the way that led us to have all of the details fall into place better than I could have imagined it. But everything worked out – a lot because it actually did, and a lot because I learned to let go of things and relax my controlling behavior.

I know, I know — pictures! Here comes the fun part! (I don’t have all of my photos in from my hired photogs, but I have some, and then also some great ones from family!)

My bridesmaids! My best gals!

Me, my parents, and my sister. We always look like this.

The whole wedding party. This was right after I shouted “Everyone, pretend you’re a spy!”

This is quite possibly my favorite picture from the whole day. It totally captures exactly how I felt the whole time.

Us, pretending we knew what we were doing while cutting the cake (why are there no rehearsals of that??).

At the end of my first dance with my Daddy!

Dancing with my Momma!

D

This was at the very end of the night. Luke and I had changed into our getaway clothes, and ran onto the dance floor for onelast song (Journey, of course), where everyone just surrounded us dancing. Right after this, everyone went outside to the front of the church for our sparkler send-off!

There’s so much I need to be getting done now that the wedding and honeymoon are over. The wedding was perfect, the honeymoon was amazing, and my life is so full of joy and peace and I’m the happiest I’ve been in a very long time. I want to write so much about everything, but for now, I can really just share this video for you – my own stories and details to come soon!

1. Our wedding guest book arrived!! I know I mentioned that I second-guessed it for a hot second in last week’s Wednesday post, but now that I have it in my hands, I couldn’t be any happier. I’m so excited to read the things everyone I love has written in it after the wedding.

2. Today has not been a day when the universe has been nice to me. I slept through my alarm (for the second day in a row), realized I forgot my wallet at home only AFTER I ate out for lunch, went to the wrong meeting place for a group project and didn’t realize it for an hour, got cussed out for walking into the grocery store (what?), and was then honked at and given the finger for safely and legally getting into the lane for a Michigan left (I had signaled, then braked, and then merged into the left-turn lane, all while monitoring my mirrors like a good citizen. I have no idea what this guy was angry about).

3. Today I had my last choir rehearsal ever. Probably for ever ever. My director said the sweetest thing to me after specially recognizing the graduating seniors; he said “what a neat opportunity you gave to me by auditioning and joining Chorale this year.” Although I’m slightly terrified at the fact that, in a little less than a month (WHAT?) I’ll be graduated and will likely never get the chance to sing with a group of people ever again, and almost definitely will never get the chance to sing with such a wonderful group of people who are just so dang good at what they do. You can say whatever you like about what you’re going to miss when you graduate, but the connection and belonging you gain by being in an amazing choir with a director who is the most enthusiastic and loving person I have ever met is something that will break your heart when you leave. Even though I’ve only been in Chorale for this past year, I’ve learned so much about who I am, who I want to be, who I can be, and what I value through the process.

4. Some of you know I write for MySubscriptionAddiction, a company that reviews subscription boxes. Because of the fact that boxes are only mailed out monthly (or bi-monthly, or quarterly), it’s taken some time to get a good number of boxes sent my way even though I’ve been employed for a couple months. Things have really gotten going this month, and I just have to say that this is one of the neatest opportunities I’ve had. I’m loving it. It’s also so much fun to try new things! I mean, sometimes I get clothes or high-end beauty products, and sometimes I get a box of Japanese action figures? All in all, though, it’s awesome.

5. Did you know that Audible lets you return audio books for 365 days after the purchase date? You can only return like, two online and then you have to call their customer service for the rest, but it’s so easy and they don’t even bug you about it. They might ask why you’re returning them, and you can literally say “just ’cause.” Guess who has 6 new books at once to listen to! This gal!

6. Can we just talk about how my fiancee actually researched relationship-related books and asked for us to get them to read together to prep for married life? On his own? It’s like he’s some sort of rare mythical beast or something. What guy does that? A great one, that’s for sure.

7. Does anyone else find it hard to feed yourself for real when you’re all by yourself? My parents have been out of town and, with it just being me here, I’m living off of cereal and grocery-store sushi even though I make great things when I’m cooking for someone else, too. You’d think I’d rather make something yummy and not have to share it when I’m on my own. Is this just me?

8. It’s just about the most fun ever to get the mail when there’s a couple cute RSVP cards awaiting your arrival every day.

9. I’m debating what I should do with all of my extraneous belongings like books and clothes and such. I’ve been thinking about making some sort of online store via facebook, or maybe setting up an Amazon seller’s page or something. Basically, a virtual garage sale. Do any of you have any experience doing something like this? Any brilliant ideas for me?

1. I know I’ve been MIA for about a week or so. This past week, my fiancee’s grandfather was admitted to the hospital, then hospice, and then went home to glory last Friday morning. My weekend has been full of time spent with family and catching up on homework. Both grandparents that I have lost (my Grandaddy in 2008 and my Grammy in this past October) were taken from tragically and suddenly. I still struggle every day with the loss of my grandmother and I’ve never been in a situation where my loved one had been suffering for a year (or any extended amount of time). Being able to find some solace in the fact that at least the pain is over for them now is a new concept to me. I’m so used to being angry and confused in the face of tragedy. I was so grateful for the immense number of family members who are so close to each other coming together to celebrate Grandpa Ervin’s life.

2. The wedding is in 45 days. THE WEDDING IS IN 45 DAYS. And, I have to admit that the panic starting to set in a little bit. Not only did I just realize that I had to like, get some one to make a cake and other details like that, but I’m also starting to second guess things because I’m neurotic right now between school, tragedy, and wedding plans and decisions. No second guessing about the marriage at all, but little things like the guest book I’ve already ordered. Silly (?) things.

Probably the source for most of my panic is this lurking feeling I have like I’m a 6-year-old worrying that no one’s going to come to my party. I can’t have a bachelorette party, either, because my bridesmaids all live in different states (save for my sister/matron of honor!). My mom made the point that at least Luke has a huge family so even if only family shows up, it’ll still be a big party. That both did and didn’t make me feel better.

I don’t know, I just want every thing to be fleshed out and for me to be able to just sit back and enjoy the party. I keep visualizing being at the resort on the honeymoon and the amazing beaches and it’s really what’s holding it all together in my brain right now. I know that no matter what happens, I’ll get to that beach. =]

3. On to good news… Luke’s done with school! He just took his last final for his curriculum for his bachelor’s degree. This is such a wonderful thing in and of itself but also because it means I only have to worry about getting myself through school. No more of those Sunday night “I hate everything” panic attacks… for him, at least. I’ve still got 37 days. Struggling with it. But I’m so close!!

4. I went to a Bed Bath and Beyond registry event last week, and it was a lot of fun, plus I walked away with an amazing goodie bag with some really high-quality kitchen tools, gorgeous crystal candle holders, two pretty nail polishes, and lots more. It got me wondering… can I just like, go to this every year? At different locations? For the free things? How would they know? Am I a terrible person?

5. I’m out of TV shows (as usual), and I’m thinking of either re-watching Gilmore Girls or actually wacth Friends for the first time?

I’m out of things to say. I’m unfocused and uninspired right now. I’ve been so far from the top of my game (no, seriously. I went to the wrong class room for my class today and I also thought it was Thursday instead of Wednesday?) I’m looking forward to taking more time to clear my mind and take care of myself this week! =]

For Valentine’s Day, Bonnie wrote a post about why she and her husband work (for a link-up I missed. sad face.). I’ve been thinking about it since I read her post, and the idea of writing the same regarding my relationship has been brewing in my mind.

Last night I had a wonderful evening with my fiancee full of a great dinner, pre-marital counseling, and ugly-laughing at hilarious Youtube videos. Driving home, I felt especially grateful for my relationship and decided to finally write this post when I got home.

Why we work

We work because we’re individuals. We have out own friends, jobs, schedules, and tastes. We each have our own worlds, and we like it that way.

We work because our relationship is “should-free.” We know each other’s insecurities, strengths, weaknesses, an bad habits – and we love each other all the more for them. I don’t have to make dinner every single night, and he doesn’t mind getting Chinese takeout.

We work because we know it’s not always fun to be in a relationship, and we don’t take that personally. Sometimes one of us is having a really crummy day and in a funk and there’s just nothing the other can do to make it immediately better. And that’s okay.

We work because we don’t take other things personally. We don’t text each other compulsively all day everyday – and we know that’s not reflective of the quality of our relationship. I don’t think I’ve ever been in his Facebook profile picture (or that he’s ever had his relationship status on his profile) and that doesn’t mean anything’s wrong. Sometimes one of us just doesn’t feel like cuddling. And we know that’s not the end of our relationship.

We work because we ugly laugh. The kind of laughing where your mouth is just totally, unflatteringly wide open, your head is thrown back, you’re kinda crying, and you can’t even speak. This happens at least once on the daily. We thrive off of being goofy together, and that does miracles for our relationship.

We work because he’s bad at reading minds, and I’m bad at being subtle. Seriously, I just say whatever I need, want, or think. Which many people think is a fault (and it can be), but it’s a godsend for our relationship because what Luke really needs is for me to be upfront and never try that “hint-dropping” thing and hope he reads my mind. That system doesn’t work for either of us. He doesn’t end up getting it, and I’m too impatient to try and wait for him to.

We work because we’re not trying to impress each other. It can be one of those days where I haven’t showered, am not wearing makeup, and am wearing sweats and he adores me and makes me feel just as special as any other day. I can make an accidentally crappy dinner and it’s no big deal.

We work because we both know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that we’re on each other’s team, unconditionally. “You and me against the world.”

And, most importantly, we work because we both agree that if one of our children ever weirdly ends up with some kind of super power we would come alongside them and help them learn about and control it instead of hiding them away (see: obligatory pop culture reference to Frozen).