Is this type of genital exposure ok????

Uh, so I stumbled for a bit on how to even word the question to this thread..... Let me just back up and unpack this question. My friend's daughter is a transgender 8 year old girl, we'll call her Rita. I have 2 cis daughters of my own, 7 and 5. They recently divulged that Rita had showed them her biological sex organ. We have been a pretty open and flexible family, going through all the usual stuff. We have play in sprinklers naked, have taken baths with male cousins, get nude and dressed at the Y. Ya know, the usual: nothing to be ashamed about for anybody. Our bodies are beautiful and we ought to be grateful for such health! So my question is, was this kids being kids and there's nothing to even tell my friend about? Or is this the kind of situation where I should just let her know that Rita hasn't fully grasped that we don't expose ourselves in that way? Again, I am very body positive but the fact that it was when no adults were around (this happened in the play room) and the fact that Rita is on the older side (closer to being 9 than is there something to chat about? I am also being fully honest with myself and trying to confront any prejudice that I might be slightly more uncomfortable because of the added layer of complexity?

Comments (90)

Kids do this stuff all the time. But I also would want to know if it were my kid, often it’s just normal kid stuff and often it’s not, best for the parents to be aware so they can think about whether there’s an issue or not.

I’d just mention it to Rita’s parents so they’re aware of the behavior. Assure them you felt it was benign and aren’t upset, but you figured it was something they may want to address with her. And I would talk candidly to your daughters about the incident and answer any questions they may have. I would approach this issue no differently if the child exposing themselves were cisgender. No matter a child’s gender identity, they are still children and need to be taught what behaviors are and aren’t appropriate. Wouldn’t you want to be aware if one of your children had exposed themself to another child?

I have a question - you mentioned you were concerned about yourself operating out of prejudice, and I was wondering if you could try to share what feelings you have in that area? is part of your discomfort coming back to not knowing how to explain trans identities? have you ever talked your daughter’s prior to this about what being trans means? Is there any other discomfort coming up around this in some way?

I do not care what gender a child is. If she is almost 9 that is not really...

Posted
11/29/2018

I do not care what gender a child is. If she is almost 9 that is not really typical or appropriate behavior and I'd let her parents know.

I agree that 9 is generally too old for showing private parts to friends. It's not ok, but it's not necessarily a big deal or too unusual. Kids are still pretty curious about bodies and differences at that age and still do dumb stuff.

Maybe Rita is naturally, for the time being, more focused on her genitals if she only recently began to be accepted as a girl. Maybe your kids were curious and asked.

Whatever the reason, I'd mention it to her mom so she can talk to Rita.

Transgendered has nothing to do with this question for me. My concern and only concern is that at 8 years old you have a pretty good understanding (or at least my 8 year old does) that your “private” areas are just that, private. Unless we are at the doctor and mom and or dad are with you those areas remain covered. No one is to touch or see those areas. So my problem is that an 8 year old is comfortable just flashing their genitalia around like it’s no big deal.. I would definitely mention it to her mother. You don’t have to do it negatively but more of a “hey can we talk about something I think you might like to just know.” Because, I’d want to know. It’s not appropriate.

Agree with the others. Mention it, not in an angry, freaked out way, but so that the parents can know what’s going on and talk to their child. I think every single parent I know would want to be informed that their almost-9-yo had shown genitals to friends.

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