Wow, I'm very impressed with these strips! They obviously have room for improvement, but they show a lot of promise both in art and script (in particular the two King panels from the most recent strip were very good). I also appreciate that you're actually taking on-board any comments people make. That's nice to see, since some people would either ignore any criticism or just stop, but it's clear that you're actually aiming for these to be good quality and are willing to work for that. I'll certainly be keeping up with them from now on.Great work so far!

Foxstar Wrote:

I think your being a bit too wordy, trying to cram too many words into the strip. You can make the joke with less words you know.

I'm not sure I necessarily agree. Sure, the odd word can be chopped here and there, but I think sometimes it's just a case of spreading it out. The big offender (I'm sure we all know the one panel being referred to here, the half-text/half-Pete hybrid) could have been a lot tidier simply if the second half had been moved over to the "Who?" panel, which has room to spare. Other than that I can't really find any examples where it seems too wordy.Remember that hand-written writing takes up more room than the fonts that most comic artists use. Just look at Friday's Housepets strip. That probably has more dialogue than any of Scratch's comics here, but it doesn't look like it because it's smaller, tidier, and also cheats slightly by leaving the confines of the panel.So yeah, I would say work more on format than script. From my point of view, anyhow.

Whoa whoa whoa wait a minute there's a quote button? I didn't even see that, I need to start paying more attention! I don't visit many forums so I'm not too experienced with all of the features.

now sally forth to comic related business, I just want you to know that I really am trying to improve the text and dialogue for my strips I never worked on writing dialogue for comic strips; I have looked into ways to improve both text and dialogue, but this is something that comes more from experience so please bear with me while I work out the kinks.

Since I gave Pete an Awesome pose earlier I thought I would give king an awesome, triumphant looking pose in the first panel, and I want it to be noted that I love kings face in panel four.

I would like to point out that I was looking over my older strips and was amazed at how far they've come since my original post so I would like to thank everyone who follows this thread and my fan comics, I just want you guys/gals to know you are awesome!and remember I accept both criticism and praise.

now that that's over with onward to the strip!

EDIT:GRRrrr seriously! I didn't notice this until right after I posted but Pete's line in panel 3 should be " Of course it's not suppose to be..."

His face is awesome in the last pannel. Great drawing skill!! (wish I could draw like that...)

_________________Jeff "Clavy" Civit

Sun Feb 26, 2012 8:15 pm

justacritic

Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2012 8:23 pmPosts: 192

Re: Scratch's Fan Comics

There's a bad moon rising as I'm looking out my back door.Really Pete being able stealing Fox's soul, fate , etc from Heaven after a failed attempt on King's Fate, I would be kind of leery entrusting my mortal existence to that sort of bureaucracy.

There's a bad moon rising as I'm looking out my back door.Really Pete being able stealing Fox's soul, fate , etc from Heaven after a failed attempt on King's Fate, I would be kind of leery entrusting my mortal existence to that sort of bureaucracy.

First: I love CCR and that made my night. Second: I want you to remember that statement you made about their fates.

_________________

Sun Feb 26, 2012 9:06 pm

valerio

Game Master

Joined: Mon May 25, 2009 6:53 amPosts: 19011Location: Italy

Re: Scratch's Fan Comics

Ooookay, so not only does pete manage to escape, but he gets to steal ANOTHER soul??Man is someone at security gonna get soooo busted!

HOLY CRUD!! I have been busy! I've been so busy I haven't had any time to work on this and I'm sorry for leaving you guys hanging once It started to get to the good part. But I finally managed to start on it again and I'm hoping I'll be able to work on this at a steady pace again. but about this comic and the other picture, I was drawing the second because I didn't think I would be able to post anything again for awhile and I wanted to post something to show you all that I was still trying to work on this comic but then it hit me why not work on the next strip right now to which my logical and self preservation side of my brain yelled "BECAUSE YOU'LL BE IN BIG TROUBLE IF YOUR CAUGHT DOODLING! YA STOOGE!" I didn't like that tone of voice so I went ahead and braved the dangers and it all worked out for the best.

I like all your comments about what you think is going to happen or what you think happened they make me grin mischievously, so keep it up guys and gals!

I threw in a couple subtle jokes on this one as well as one for all you Metal Gear Solid fans!(which isn't so subtle) quick! who's on the codec?

ookay call me dumb and something worse, but i didn't get it. Appreciated the second strip of weird funny-ness, tho

okay first off I would never call you dumb, or something worse(unless otherwise provoked ) and I hope I don't make you feel that way. if you don't get the the strip its most likely because I did a bad job of portraying what I was trying to show with it. that being said, what about the strip doesn't add up for you? do you not understand it or is it just not funny to you? or is it something else?

I'm glad you like the second strip I wasn't going to post it because I didn't need it anymore but I thought at least some of you would get a kick out of it.

I should also note that panel four is the metal gear solid joke I came up with an idea( separate from the comic) that I thought was awesome and I wanted to gauge you all to see if anyone would get it but if no one likes metal gear, or if no one knows what it is, then I'm not gonna do it.

_________________

Last edited by Scratch on Fri Mar 09, 2012 9:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I am fairly confident that I know what's going on there, but for your sake Scratch I'll say what I think it was. Then if it's wrong you can say so, and also maybe see how people could be confused. And of course if I'm right you can pat yourself on the back

King is either imagining or magically seeing Fox get 'poofed' away by Pete, which is how he managed to get Fox's watch. The old lady is just a joke, and has nothing to do with Fox's getting disappeared.

I am fairly confident that I know what's going on there, but for your sake Scratch I'll say what I think it was. Then if it's wrong you can say so, and also maybe see how people could be confused. And of course if I'm right you can pat yourself on the back

King is either imagining or magically seeing Fox get 'poofed' away by Pete, which is how he managed to get Fox's watch. The old lady is just a joke, and has nothing to do with Fox's getting disappeared.

Is that about right? :p

your close and for the most part right, but just for the sake of putting this to rest here's the strip broken down into parts:Panel 1: king sees Pete as an evil heartless jerk and wouldn't be beyond doing something extreme like destroying Fox's soul. king can't help but think what would happen to Fox if Pete did destroy his soul.Panel 2: King has a high opinion of Fox, he sees him as being a very nice guy(dog whatever) and so imagines him doing something nice, and what would be more kind than helping an old person cross the street. If you're the perceptive type you'll notice that the old person is heavily shaded, that's because their a "shady" character(its a subtle joke), but in King's mind he believes that Fox isn't one to judge by appearances, so he imagines Fox helping them any way. The old person offers Fox some small amount of money for his assistance and Fox, being such a nice guy refuses. But before Fox can finish he suddenly ceases to exist.Panel 3: King imagines Fox disappearing, without a trace in a cloud of smoke. Fox isn't dead nor was he whisked away into some other dimension, he simply ceased to exist, he's gone. The old person's response is the joke, I used Fox getting kidnapped as the joke because its a running gag, I guess Fox has a very kidnappable face or something.Panel 4:The thought of something this bad happening to Fox distresses king to the point of his mind not being able to process that happening to his friend and his brain goes into the "Blue Screen of Death" phase and needs to "reboot." Pete realizes that king is no longer hearing what he's saying and is trying to get his attention by yelling his name. The 140.85 and Pete yelling King three times is the Metal Gear Solid joke if you want I can try and find a link to what I'm referencing, but I just did it to see if any one liked Metal Gear Solid, because I thought of drawing something pretty funny, but if no one would appreciate it I'm not going to take time from my current comic to work on it.

I don't think I missed anything I may edit this if I forgot something.

_________________

Fri Mar 09, 2012 11:01 pm

valerio

Game Master

Joined: Mon May 25, 2009 6:53 amPosts: 19011Location: Italy

Re: Scratch's Fan Comics

I think that when you have to explain it, you missed the point.A comic should not leave the reader asking what's happening.

I think that when you have to explain it, you missed the point.A comic should not leave the reader asking what's happening.

First of all, I disagree. While it's brilliant that most comics/books/films etc are easy to follow and therefore accessible to the largest amount of people, that quality should by no means be a necessity. Plenty of brilliant comics are extremely confusing. If played right, they lead to the reader wanting to find out more.

But I don't think that's too relevant in this case anyway. I'm pretty sure when he made this comic Scratch thought we were all going to get it. He got that wrong, and when he had to explain it to us I'm sure he realised he'd got it wrong. But this is a relatively new project and a learning process. I'm sure Scratch is going to think about how easy his future comics are for others to understand, so there's not much to be gained for calling him out on it like that.

_________________

Sat Mar 10, 2012 8:33 am

valerio

Game Master

Joined: Mon May 25, 2009 6:53 amPosts: 19011Location: Italy

Re: Scratch's Fan Comics

I agree on you, and I am sorry for what I said, in the measure that I sounded as if I criticized the whole project, while so far only this one comic of the series wasn't clear enough.

_________________

Sat Mar 10, 2012 10:22 am

sean21

Joined: Mon Jan 09, 2012 4:10 pmPosts: 210Location: Roswell

Re: Scratch's Fan Comics

i like it, its a nice story, well drawn; (better then what i can do) and i can't really say its too wordy because i type

also using Fox to control King very clever, i look forward to seeing your next update.

I personally can't see this working out too well, as Pete would likely have half of heaven after him by now. We need a flash back that explains how he escaped with two broken wings mind you and stole the watch. Or I think Pete's just fibbing. I'm left scratching my head and trying to figure out how this is at all viable, which is both good, and bad.

Sat Mar 10, 2012 6:01 pm

valerio

Game Master

Joined: Mon May 25, 2009 6:53 amPosts: 19011Location: Italy

Re: Scratch's Fan Comics

Foxstar Wrote:

I personally can't see this working out too well, as Pete would likely have half of heaven after him by now. We need a flash back that explains how he escaped with two broken wings mind you and stole the watch. Or I think Pete's just fibbing. I'm left scratching my head and trying to figure out how this is at all viable, which is both good, and bad.

...or, this could be part of an elaborate plan of the heavens in which Pete is used so that in the end King chooses if he really wants to stay a dog or not...

I personally can't see this working out too well, as Pete would likely have half of heaven after him by now. We need a flash back that explains how he escaped with two broken wings mind you and stole the watch. Or I think Pete's just fibbing. I'm left scratching my head and trying to figure out how this is at all viable, which is both good, and bad.

and how long has it been? I'd think his wings would have healed by now even if he weren't a celestial being.

This is a learning experience for me so I'd like to thank everyone for their support and advice.

That being said, as a token of my appreciation I'm going to post some of my concepts for a few of the upcoming characters, as well as some possible changes to how some old ones look, in between strips and you can post what you think about them and we'll see how that works out.

these two play a big supporting role in the next part of the story

The Brothers(they're kind of an ode to the "Blues Brothers" )Not revealing their names just yetTwo coyote brothers who reside in heaven(They were originally going to be Norwegian Lundehunds which is why they look like that)to the viewer they look different but to other characters they look the same.they are not as cool as they try to appear, they don't usually dress like this, nor are they as mysterious as the try to seemoriginally mortal lesser beings, they earned their place in heaven by humbling an arrogant greater being.they tend to cause trouble by playing jokes on peoplealthough their jokes are not meant to cause physical harm to anyone, they usually tend to leave a trail of destruction.their more famous antics were told in folk tales and legendsThey have little to no magic powersThey love music and moviesthey tend to "mouth off" and not know when to shut upthey also tend to break things such as furniture, vases, or monuments to greater beings one's idea of relaxing is a long walk on the beach while the other likes quiet candlelit dinnersand finally they don't always drink soda, but when they do, they prefer Grape flavored

That's all of the basic info on them without giving too much of the plot away remember to post what you think. I'll help you get started what do you think of their fur pattern("coloring") does it look coyote enough? because that's what it was when they were still Norwegian Lundehunds.

Sorry about not posting last week I've been pretty dang busy as of late. Hope you're not all too mad at me.

I don't really have anything to say about this comic other than don't worry about Pete hurting king, this comic for the most part follows Looney Tune rules. oh and if you're wondering where king's thumb is in panel three that is his thumb I just accidentally made that line dark and didn't notice until I posted it and I'm too lazy to go and fix it.

so uh... yeah I may be extremely busy again for the next couple weeks so I might not be able to work on this during that time but the good news is that after that it looks like I'll have a lot of free time. As of right now it looks that way so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it doesn't change. But just in case I can't update I thought I would post something cool. I wont lie to you I really didn't try on the left side Pete, the one on the right is going to steal the show anyway right?

hmm... now that I think about it maybe I should do more of the comic with that style...

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