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Friday, January 2, 2009

(Google Analytics gives you detailed info on your blog traffic - most awesomely, words or phrases that people typed into Google, that landed them on your blog.)

As always, I did not make this stuff up: anyone who doubts its validity just email me and I'll give you my GA password.

And so I bring you: More bizarre phrases that landed inquiring minds on my blog:

"I'm lint"

Um, it's one thing to declare "I'm lint", but quite another to type it into the Google search box. Are you looking for other lint-humans?

"beta swilling chardonnay sue"

Well, the actual tagline is 'chardonnay swigging beta mom' but good job- it got you to my blog.

"cellulite illustration"

Seriously Google? Someone's typing 'cellulite illustration' and you direct them to me?

"don't get your dog trained by Ed Farley"

Roger that. Thank you.

"drill pregnan hole morn pee"

Um, I want to say that's disgusting, but I'm not sure it's English.

"expanding butt"

Hello? I know for a FACT that Rosie O'Donnell has a blog...why ME?

"Facebook moms who drink and swear"

Well. Let's move on.

"google second hand cd of the applejacks"

Yes. I am THE source for second hand cd of the applejacks. But you don't have to type "google" into Google.

"lasagna boobs"

I just don't even know whether to be insulted or not. My boobs have never been compared to pasta.

"snip snip off with husband's nuts"

Whoa, girl. A vasectomy is one thing...but don't go all Lorena Bobbitt on his ass....

"top 10 clean magazine for house ladies"

OK. I see the "Learn English" audio tapes are going well. But before you launch your magazine empire, we house ladies prefer the term "Domestic Goddesses". And unless you've got Robert Pattinson vacuuming shirtless? The big money is not in cleaning magazines.

Wonderful! I haven't been here in a while and you don't disappoint. Lasagna boobs is weirdly insightful. A man wants to see boobies smashed with Italian food? Perhaps next time you make lasagna you now have a shape in mind? Some pasta mounds?

Your blog is wonderful! I recently opened a blog designing business and am offering free blog makeovers to those on the top mom blogs list. All you pay is the price of the design kit used (they generally range between $5-$10).

Please send me an email if you are interested: designerblogs@gmail.com.