Monday, June 14, 2010

World Cup, Opening Weekend

I was hoping to be able to overlay the incessant droning of bzuzuzelas into this entry, to recreate the brain melting experience of watching a World Cup match in which it sounds like you are being attacked by bees. Unfortunately I lack the technical expertise to do that. Instead, enjoy the sound of sweet silence as I recap the weekend that was as we begin our month long journey thru the World Cup.

FRIDAY

SOUTH AFRICA 1, MEXICO 1

South African goalkeeper Itumeleng Khune blamed the underdog hosts only getting one point in the opening match against Mexico on the fans. Apparently he "couldn't hear the vuvuzuelas". That would make him the only one. At least Khune is proving the phenomenon of the prick athlete to be a global one. Instead of putting a positive spin on earning a point against a team that was much better than his, he calls out the home fans and wants them to feel shame. I don't get it.

URUGUAY 0, FRANCE 0

The only mildly entertaining moment of this shnorer came when Thierry Henry had the audacity to try and get the ref to call a handball on Uruguay late in the match. He then recalled that France is only in South Africa thru the handy handiwork of his skilled hands, and quickly recanted. France continues to look like le crap sandwich and I stand by my prediction that they do not advance.

There was no bailout to be had for Greece as they continued to display the horrible form they showed in their prep matches. Man U's Park Ji Sung scored the second goal of the match, putting things decidedly out of reach for a Greek side that is as parsiminous with scoring goals as their government is profligate in spending its funds. I get paid by the syllable you know.

ARGENTINA 1, NIGERIA 0

Two of the big storylines of this World Cup revolve around Argentina. One is how World Cup legend/current buffoon and Argentina coach Diego "I don't care what Pele says because he lost his virginity to a boy" Maradona comports himself on such a big stage. The other is if Lionel Messi can finally replicate his best player in the world standard of play he brings to Barca for his country. The answers to both of those questions after one match appear to be, "So far so good".

ENGLAND 1, UNITED STATES 1

So Dook!e and I were watching this match, and IM'ing one of his friends watching in England. He was kind enough to email us some photos of the festive atmosphere in the pub he was watching in, which were very cool to see. Then, of course, just minutes into the match, England gets a goal from Steven Gerrard and it's already 1-0, and it looks like England's going to romp. Dook texts him that it's going to be 4-0 England at halftime, and the Englishman is all like, "No, no, the US is too good for that." I'm sitting there thinking, "No, they're not, they've been playing 5 minutes and England has already cut thru their defenses like we toilet paper." Then it occurs to me, I know where I have seen this kind of pessimism before, Chicago Cubs fans. It seemed that the English fan was just waiting for some kind of mishap to befall England and cost them points. Sure enough, the US scores on a seemingly harmless shot from outside the box that the English keeper tries to dive on like it's a live grenade, and it squirts thru and into the goal when nobody was paying attention. I realized at this point that like the Cubs, England will never, ever win it all in my lifetime.

GROUP B STANDINGS

South Korea 3 +2Argentina 3 +1Nigeria 0 -1Greece 0 -3

SUNDAY

SLOVENIA 1, ALGERIA 0

Before the tournament there was all kinds of concern that the Jabulani ball being used flew like it was made out of rattan or some sort of wicker, or perhaps like the hot dog wrapper in American Beauty. Those fears have seemingly been validated by the US' fluke goal on Saturday, and a similar score by Slovenia's Robert Koren from long distance in this match. In other Jabulani news, I tried to head a Jabulani on Saturday and am pretty sure I have suffered brain damage as a result. JUMANJI!

GHANA 1, SERBIA 0Here's what I would call the first real upset victory of the tournament. Serbia is loaded with guys that are very important players at some very important clubs. But, as they usually do, they fall flat on their face when they get to the World Cup. How do I know this? In the 2006 cup where my friends and I drafted teams and collected the points for the countries we picked, I thought I got a steal with Serbia-Montenegro. Then they flopped out of the tournament in the group play and I think they didn't even get a point. Now they are just Serbia, but apparently getting rid of Montenegro did not help. Ghana wins on a late PK.

GERMANY 4, AUSTRALIA 0One thing you can always count on, in International play, Germany will be always be greater than the sum of its parts. Another thing you can always count on, Lukas Podolski will always transform from domestic league nobody to international superstar whenever he puts on the German uniform.