Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

stopping the porn at home

I recently discovered that my husband of 22 years (in fact our anniversary is today) has been doing things on the internet that I do not approve of. Looking at porn is one thing; I don't like it but if he is up front with me about doing it I can live with it. I found out he has been on a couple of adult websites, posted his 'profile' and been chatting with other women. This has apparently been going on for about a year and a half. I had had suspicions before this that he was up to something, but my faith and trust in him overrode those suspicions.

I was able to find out what he was up to because I hacked into his 'secret' mail account and read every email and chat session. I printed out all that garbage for safe keeping before I deleted it. I hope I never have to look at it again. I also went to both of the sites he was registered on and hacked into those accounts (very easy), read and printed out all that stuff. I also closed both accounts.

I spent yesterday morning installing and testing OpenDNS on our router for our home computer network. I highly recommend this service. It is free and available at http://opendns.com. It can be hacked, but only by someone who really knows computers and how to get around it. One click enabled me to have piece of mind at least at home that adult web sites cannot be accessed. I also blocked yahoo mail/messenger and other free email sites so he can't open another secret account from here. Is it the perfect solution? No, but it's helpful.

We also finally had a conversation about this episode last night. I waited a couple of days (he knew that I knew everything already) to talk to him, because frankly, I was having a hard time even looking him in the eye. I was mad but mostly just so disappointed and ashamed of him. My respect and admiration for him as a man, husband and father has seriously diminished. I needed time to put my thoughts together and told him how things were going to be last night. It was uncomfortable to say the least. He did not deny anything, apologized about 3 million times and said he has always loved me, will always love and will do anything I ask of him to try and heal this breach. I made it clear that this was cheating as much as having a physical relationship with somebody. I told him in no uncertain terms that if he ever cheated on me again (emotionally or physically) that he would come home to changed locks and a note tacked to the door with my lawyers number. I told him about the router being blocked and he offered to never be on the computer without me in the room. I do believe that he is deeply sorry and ashamed of himself (he was crying when he left for work this morning), and I think that his good points outweigh this stupid stunt and that he deserves the second chance that he has asked for.

I have no idea how or when I will be able to trust him again. I know that I don't want to go back over this territory again, but I don't know how to move forward either. I am sort of numb to any of 'his' problems and couldn't even work up much sympathy for him this morning. I am guessing this is a pretty normal reaction for me or anyone else that has been through this. I suppose I will feel more compassion for him as I heal emotionally, just not now. I don't know whether or not to seek counseling (marital? individual?) or to just let some time go by before going that route.

First of all, I suggest that you get individual counseling, and then the two of you can go together when your counselor feels the time is right.
I put up with the porn for too long, and I , like you, felt like he was cheating on me. He would &quot;relieve&quot; himself by watching that, when I was in the next room! He was addicted to it. He didn't see anything wrong with it. Well, I know it's normal for most men to look at it, but he spent hours looking at it, and had tons of downloaded pics. (He said it was just a collection.) Well, how about collecting stamps or coins???? lol
I know I am better off without him, and I know I deserve better. I put up with a lot of crap for years, and my family is glad that we are separated. So am I!
Hang in there, and feel free to send me a msg. if you need to.
Hugs!

Things are going pretty well. DH actually thanked me for blocking our router and has been more attentive and tender towards me and our children than he has in a long time. We have been spending a lot of time together and talking. I tell him when I'm feeling scared or insecure and he always apologizes for being the cause of it. I still don't know how long it will be until we achieve &quot;normal&quot; but we are working on it together. He also seems much happier than he has in a long time. It's almost like he is glad he was caught.

I still feel down at times, but I know this will pass. We are going on a short vacation together (no kids) this weekend and I am hoping that will allow us further uninterrupted time to talk and remember why we are each other's best friend and chose to get married in the first place.

A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...

Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...

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