Gifts For the Donald You Know

Gift Guide 2015

Donald Trump: He might be your uncle, your father, your husband. He might be your aunt. He might be you. There they are at the holiday gathering, mouth open and abrasive thoughts being inflicted upon everyone within earshot. Their opinions are delivered as if drawn from a well of divine wisdom, and have the eloquence of a brain-damaged caveman. They're loud. They're hubristic. They have money (or at least they want you to think they do). They sit through Christmas dinner prepared to build a wall out of mashed potatoes to keep their son-in-law away. Their hair is as large as their ego. And some, I assume, are good people. Now you've got to get them a gift. And it better be huuuuuuuuuuge!

A DONATION TO WORLD RELIEF SPOKANE

The Donald Trump in your life may seem to be utterly lacking in compassion toward those facing harrowing circumstances a world away. During Christmas dinner, he prattles on about how he's concerned about all these refugees. But his concern is limited to keeping them away. At one point, he wonders why they can't just become real estate moguls like him. Don't argue with your Donald. Instead, buy them some compassion, with a donation in their name to World Relief Spokane. The nonprofit provides health and educational services to some of the world's most vulnerable people, as well as programs that fight human trafficking. World Relief Spokane also helps with, yes, refugee resettlement, helping newcomers fleeing violence and persecution back home to navigate the immigration system, acclimate to the new culture and find food, shelter, employment and other basic needs. Make donations at worldrelief.org/donate. Donation amount up to you • World Relief Spokane • 1522 N. Washington, Suite 204

COIN PURSE

What do you get the person who has major coin, or enough credit cards to build a mini-mansion? A place to store it all. Blue Q makes a line of coin purses that are big enough to store credit cards. They could also accommodate prescription pills. Or maybe you could just pack it full of weed, sending a not-so-subtle-message to mellow out. They're made from 95 percent recycled material, and 1 percent of all sales goes to the Nature Conservancy. $4 • Boo Radley's • 232 N. Howard

HAIR SCULPTING PRODUCT

The way a person wears their hair says a lot about them. A simple wash and comb may suffice for the peasants, but for your Donald, the hair needs match the bravado. Their hair needs to be sculpted to reflect the greatness it's attached to. So get them sumotech from Bumble and bumble. It's not a paste, a wax or a creme. It's a little of each, and just a dab will turn that beautiful hair of head into an iconic bouffant. $29 • Spa Paradiso • 1237 W. Summit Pkwy.

BIG MIRROR OR HUGE CHAIR

Let's face it: Your Donald is going to be moving on to bigger and better things, and that'll almost certainly include a bigger, better house. At least they're going to need a second home for their hair — or maybe their ego. And they're going to need some furniture. Spokane Furniture Company sells a large mirror that your Donald can use to spend hours and hours basking in their own bombastic splendor. The store also sells several large chairs that could serve as thrones. $237 • Spokane Furniture Company • 1901 N. Division ♦