Different expectations for sexes

I'm new on this forum. I'm a woman with ADHD diagnosed. I've been reading a lot of posts. and I'm realising that there are different expectations for men and women.

I'm in a relationship with a friend who's undiagnosed. We were friends for a few years before. His ADHD is driving me up the wall. I understand the communication issues because I have them but I make the effort especially as we are in a long distance relationship. I've always made an effort with more or less success depending whether medicated or not but I'm aware.

I also have dyspraxia which means I'm severely disorganised and have a very bad sense of time. I can be oblivious and have had my fair share of foot in mouth moments. I can't speak on the phone for long but I try for a few minutes as I know it's important.

What I'm finding massively irritating is his selfcenteredness. if I've done something to hurt someone, I' ll apologise as I'm aware I don't always pay attention. But no he's always been like that and that's the end of it. I get overwhelmed (try dealing with ADHD, dyspraxia, anxiety, auditory processing issues and fatigue so don't give me the excuse of he's so overwhelmed) but I try.

Everyone inhis social circle lets him get away with it. I.m not saying try harder, the poisonous words for ADHd but I always explore differ ent ways of doing stuff not just deal with it.

The particular issue was I came home from another country. I study and work there. I spent two days with him in his city. We live in different cities in our home country. I was leaving two days later, we initially decided to go out the following night with some friends. He called to cancel. Fine so meet the following day, my plane leaves in the evening so no issues. Guess who calls to cancel again. he's tired and off to have lunch with his mother. This while my dad is driving me there. I did mention I was leaving that day. To another country.

He's sorry and I'm not without my faults, I'm late whenever we meet.
I.nm still very hurt we've known each other for 6 years.

Comments

I've done that canceling thing before while being completely oblivious to the other person. I didn't realize I did until a friend of mine reminded me that a few years previous she had come in town (3.5 hours) to have lunch with me and I canceled on her when she arrived at my apartment. I don't remember that at all. I felt like the worst person in the world to have done that.

It sounds like you are owning too many of his behaviors by allowing your feelings to get hurt.