For my son's night-shift nurse who changed my life without saying a word. I am paying it forward, and I thank you.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I cant do this either (REPOST)

Since Alex is sick I thought I woud bump back to some old posts, they might be old, but they are still true.

We are the same, I cant do this either.Since I began this new normal, this incredible journey, this up hill climb, I have heard many people say "God never gives you more than you can handle", or "He chose you because He knew you could do a good job", and even "I know I couldn't raise a special needs child".I hate to take the beauty out of those nice thoughts, but I cant handle this, I cant do this either. This is too big for me, but I have to do it.Alex is my boy, of course I will do this, of course I will choose to handle this. I'm not some special creature that was created to do super things that others cant do.It seems people find relief in saying they couldn't do it, so that's why God hasn't given them a special needs child. Like they get a free pass on raising a special child because they just know they couldn't handle it.I'm no different than those people who think they cant.Well, the difference is I have to, and I choose to do the best I can.Don't treat me like I was chosen, or I am better, or stronger, because I'm not.This is hard, I cant, I kick and scream, but I have to, so I will, and I will do the best I can every minute of everyday, not because I'm stronger or better, or can handle more, because I cant, but because I have to, so I will, and I will do the best I can.We are the same.

6 comments:

I remember this post. I struggle with certain member of my family thinking I'm so strong or I was chosen because God knew I could do a better job. A lot of people treat me differently when they find out I have a child with special needs. It can be annoying .. Hope Alex feels better. I have two sick kids right now. Baby is very sick.

I swear I was thinking the same thing yesterday. I was actually thinking how "I AM every woman". That the women I know who have "typical" children do look at me, and though none have said it.. I know they think that they're glad they aren't me. Just like you, I never expected to have a child with a disability. It never occured to me that I would have to look to the future, not for college, but for housing and job placement. BUT.... I do. And I will...I do believe that Ben was made for us, and we were made for him. Strength? who me? No, just an unbelievable, unimaginable bank of love for my "perfect" child.

Still so true, over a year later. I get tired of the comments, as if my life is THAT bad. I agree, people do treat me differently after they know about Addison. It used to be one of the first things I'd tell anyone, now it's not. Not that I'm ashamed...I'm so so proud of her and happy to be her mom and amazed every single day. But I no longer tell every single person about her. Is that wrong?

It always comes down to choices. What will we choose to do with the life we have been given. We can either give in to the temptation to live a life of sadness and grief or we can do the best we know how and try to find those things that give us joy throughout the day and hang on to those. We never know what we can handle until we are faced with the choice that many of us have been given. It is not easy. Life is a journey with many high mountain tops to climb and some beautiful meadows to rest in before we move on. Sure it takes courage to move forward but then again its another choice. We have to pray and trust God to help us make the right choices for us. You are in my thoughts and prayers as you journey on.

Paying it forward

My new normal

I am a mamma bear to 4 boys. I take each day as it comes even when the worst becomes reality. I was forever changed by my son's night shift nurse in 2007, she changed my life without saying a word. I have turned these mountains into victories by going back to school, and becoming a nurse, and will pay it forward until my journey ends with a little crossfit in between.

-Alex was born with Rubinstein Taybi Syndrome.Pulmonary hypertension at birth.Malrotation of the intestines.Uracheal cystPhase 2 kidney reflux (right side)Angulated thumbsmild near sighted in right eyedysphagiaPDA

-At five years old my son Max was diagnosed with type one diabetes. He depends on insulin, and each day is a job to stay alive, he is my hero.

About Me

In the middle of the night at my lowest moment my sons nurse touched my heart without saying a word. I went to school and I'm paying it forward. #newkindofnormal #RTS #typeonediabetes #nurselife #payitforward #crossfit #momswhocrossfit #nurseswhocrossfit