Thursday, April 19, 2012

Squonk

The Squonk is more a parable and cautionary tale for children about the dangers of self-pity than an actual crytpid, but in the lonely forests of northern Pennsylvania, the pitiable Squonk was born into legend in the late 19th century. The legend holds that the creature's skin is ill-fitting, and covered with warts and other blemishes, and so it hides from plain sight and spends much of its time weeping. Hunters who have attempted to catch squonks have found that the creature is capable of evading capture by dissolving completely into a pool of tears and bubbles when cornered.

Squonk

Sad, sad Squonk. The Squonk is probably the world's ugliest animal. So ugly, in fact, that it spends most of its life crying over its cruel fate. Of course we all know the world's most famous Squonk is...

Phil Collins, lead singer of the prog rock band Genesis, who's 1976 album Trick of the Tail featured the song "Squonk," which contained the lyrics:

He's a sly one, he's a shy one

Wouldn't you be too.

Scared to be left all on his own.

Hasn't a, hasn't a friend to play with, the Ugly Duckling

The pressure on, the bubble will burst before our eyes.

All the while in perfect time

His tears are falling on the ground

BUT IF YOU DON'T STAND UP YOU DON'T STAND A CHANCE.

Lonely Squonk. Wallowing in your misery. But aside from the metaphorical lessons the Squonk teaches us, there is an actual legend of a cryptid called The Squonk in Pennsylvania.

And this rendering is as close to an accurate depiction as any other, as it is speculated the Squonk is a vole-like creature, possibly three inches high, whose paws always appear to be covering its face. It is rumored that if the intensely shy and self-conscious Squonk's friendship can be attained, it possesses marvelous magical abilities such as tracking, scouting, camouflage etc, and its tears are highly sought after by alchemists, who believe them to have magical properties.