Reader's Dilemma: Is It OK To Keep Sleeping With A Guy I Don't Want a Relationship With?

Today, let’s talk to a reader about a question she’s debating: whether or not it’s OK to have no-strings-attached sex if the guy is a little more attached than she is.

She writes:

I've been dating a guy for about a month now, and the sexual chemistry between us is amazing! The best I've ever had, but our lifestyles are way too different for me to see anything long term with him. He doesn't see these differences and wants to get serious. I've discussed with him my reservations about having a serious relationship and he wants to continue to see me regardless of me holding my ground. I feel like he's going to get hurt in the long run, but if he's willing to deal with that, I wonder if it's still terrible of me to see him just for the sex??

Well, this is tricky territory. Let’s look at it from both sides of the argument.

On the one hand, you’ve been completely honest and up front with him about your feelings, which is exactly the right thing to do, and I can't blame you for wanting to enjoy yourself. Since he says he’s fine with it, there’s technically no reason why you couldn’t keep hanging out and hooking up. Not to be all sexist about it, but pretty much every guy I’ve ever known would be fine with doing so if the roles were reversed. And even though he’s the one with the feelings, I’m sure he’ll be enjoying the physical stuff anyway.

Plus, you’ve only been dating him for a month and although you say you have reservations, it doesn’t sound like you’ve completely ruled out every possibility of being with him. Since it’s only been such a short time, it’s fine to keep enjoying yourself and see where it might lead as long as you keep the lines of communication open. Maybe your feelings will change, or maybe they’ll just become clearer until you sense it’s an appropriate time to end things for good. Either way, you’ll get there eventually.

On the other hand, if you’re really sure you never want to be with him but it’s very clear he has feelings for you, well it is sort of cruel! No matter how much he says he’s OK with your feelings, every time you hang out and definitely every time you have sex, he’s going to think that you have feelings for him and that there’s still a chance you will end up together. If you can have the strength to walk away from all that hot sex (easier said than done, I’m sure), it probably would be the kindest and simplest way to handle it.

I’m torn as to what I would actually do in this situation! What would you do, guys? Give our reader your input on her situation. Have you ever been in a similar relationship, from either perspective? How did you handle it?