Over A Year Ago

A year and a half ago, I met the girl of my dreams. She was everything I ever wanted in a female, almost like she was made for me. Now me, I was never the most social or out-going guy. I was always shy and timid and never showed my emotions (I still don't). But around her, I dunno, there was a part of me that I didn't know existed.

We dated for two months, and everything was great. We talked every night on the phone for 4 hours, and the conversations were mainly about nothing. But to me, I'm a guy who doesn't talk on the phone, and if I do, I can barely get a conversation out. Hell, I don't even talk to my own mother for longer than ten minutes. But this girl? I could go on forever.

I thought we were happy together, she always made me smile, and I know that I loved her, and I know that she meant everything to me. But one day, it just ended... We basically got into an argument because a guy that I knew liked her was hitting on her and I could tell that he was trying to do things to her, and I guess maybe it was jealousy. Regardless, it was two days before the 4th of July, and I remember we had plans, and she decided that it was best if we broke up.

Now, I never thought that I would be the guy who would whine and beg and plead a girl to get back with them, nor did I ever think I'd be that emotional wreck who was hurt so bad. But I was. Nobody knows this, but the night that she broke up with me, I remember I went outside, walked down the woods of my parents house, and as movie cliche as this is, I remember getting on my knees and just crying so hard.

A little over a year later, and it seems that I cannot get over her. I find myself sitting at night thinking about her and just wondering if she remembers who I am, and if she would talk to me, but knowing it'd be best not to bother her. I know since then she's had a couple of boyfriends, and I know that it does bother me to think about that.

All I know, is over a year later, and I still have feelings for this girl that won't go away. And it's not like I haven't done things to get over her. I've changed a lot of my life around, I've done things to improve myself and improve my life so much... but yet, I can't help but think about her every day. I wonder if I'm crazy or if I'm sick in the head or what it is? I know it was a very painful break up, one that I still feel to this day, and I know that I have feelings for her still that just won't go away.

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From my experience and I mean this in a nice way-- you have a lot of growing up to do in the mind. I also had a painful breakup. He was my second boyfriend and the first person I ever loved. In my eyes he was so perfect. Not even my imagination could match up to him in person. The relationship however was a failure from day one. I'll never understand why we argued all the time, but we did. I guess we were two different people at the end of the day. A year on and I still think till this day he's in denial about being overly insecure, paranoid and possessive. So much infact it tore my soul apart. I no longer had a personality. And what was left of it, I hated. I felt ashamed of myself because, he made me feel I had every reason to. Till this day, I know if he read this, he'd sit there shocked, with a refusal to believe I actually felt this way. He lived and I know he still lives in a world of his own, where only he exists. Where his actions have no impact or lesson to be learnt.<br />Anyway, this guy meant everything to me. He opened my eyes to a world that I closed off years ago. He opened it and added so much more to it. He to, showed me a side of myself, I never thought I had in me. I held onto him for so long, for that reason alone and other moral reasons.. I felt no other guy could impact me the way he had. It's been a year and I haven't had another boyfriend since him and maybe no other guy will ever impact me, the way he did. But, just because she brought out this side of you, should not hold you back. It's hard at first, I'm sure you know. I still think about him 24/7. I'm naturally a worrier. I'll obsess and become compulsive over the littlest things. It's not the I'm IN love with him. He was just the first person to have an impact on me. Maybe you let things get to you easily? I don't know because, I don't know you. <br />Embrace the fact she brought out the talkative side in you, as I'm sure she brought out other things and think of everything as a stepping stone, which all enable you to reach your final destination. That destination being the girl you're going to spend the rest of your life with. Your soul needs to be perfect for her and in order to reach her, we've got to develope and perfect our souls, to match. That takes time and experience. We learn things through our most intimate relationships. We don't learn things, just by being on our own. You even said; you've done things to improve yourself and the quality of your life. Not all relationships are made to last. Some are there to mold and perfect us. You got something from that relationship and that was you becoming a better person. Maybe you aren't completely the person you want to be in the future, right now. But, if you find you're happier with yourself, something has gone right and you're on the right track. And trust me; if the universe wants you both to be together, you'll be together. If not, they have something better for you and its just around the corner. You just don't know or believe it yet. The universe never takes things away from us, that we need in our lives.

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