Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Motor vehicle wrecks are the leading cause of death in the United States for persons under age 34, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Morbidity and Mortality Reports. Of those deaths, more than 40 percent are alcohol-related.Alcohol-related accidents are so prevalent, it is estimated that 40 percent of all persons in the United States will be involved in a traffic mishap blamed on alcohol at some point in their lives. Forty percent!

todAAy iAAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

tha my Mom has hung in there for a year after her major stroke -- today begins year 2

for a really good 9th step meeting yesterday and all the reminders of how my life changed soooooo much once I had completed my amendsfor my daily chat with Hayden; he knows how my mind works. And doesn't work.

that my photographic memory never developed

that I have actually gotten caught up on just about everything going on in my life -- there is still daily material and items to handle, but it's manageable

Sunday, October 29, 2006

In my 3+ years of sobriety, I've gone through feelings like this a few times.

Why would anybody want anything to do with me or even to be near me?

I know it's an irrational feeling, but it's there and it's real. There is absolutely no reason for it and nothing in particular that prompted it. Nothing is different now than yesterday or the day before. I've participated in service work and AA fellowship as always.

Today, I have tools to use. The most important tools I have are (1) don't drink (2) remembering that This Too Shall Pass.

It always does.

My schedule for today includes 2 sponsee meetings sandwiched around an AA meeting plus a visit to my Mom. I'll be just fine as long as I don't drink.

The population of the United States reached 300 million on October 17, 2006, said the U.S. Census Bureau. With one birth every 7 seconds, a death every 13 seconds, and a migrant entering the country every 31 seconds, the United States’ population is growing at a rate of one person every 11 seconds. Where are all of these people living?This map charts out the number of people in every square kilometer of the United States.As has been the case historically, the most densely populated parts of the United States are east of the Mississippi River. Rings of decreasing population density radiate out from the major urban centers of New York, Philadelphia, and Washington along the East Coast. Other cities—Atlanta, Chicago, Houston, and Dallas—punctuate the map in the country’s interior. The west remains lightly populated except for clearly defined urban regions. Like their counterparts in the east, the largest cities in the west (San Diego and Los Angeles; San Fransisco, Oakland and San Jose) hug the coast, with the densest populations in Southern California. Other large western cities readily visible here include Portland, Seattle, Phoenix, and Denver.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked," Is my time up?"God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, brow lift, lip enhancement, boob job, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit and killed by a car.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of the car?"

Friday, October 27, 2006

I may not have everything I want, but today I have everything I need. I will look for evidence of abundance and let it remind me that my Higher Power's love is broad enough to touch all who have the courage to place themselves in its presence.COURAGE to CHANGE, page 301

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I didn't purchase the vehicle I was considering; a good friend bought it instead

for the abundance of choices I have as a sober member of society

for a really good meeting about character defects; I really need these constant reminders

that the day is not likely to come when I would trade my problems for your problems

that my first 17 days without a cigarette have been without incident

for an upcoming weekend with plenty of things to do and an abundance of things not to do

that it's Spring Forward, Fall Back weekend

The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don't want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they'll just be known as the Bullets.Jay LenoYou're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.-Robin Williams

Monday, October 23, 2006

A mock-up of a plane crash is displayed as part of a Halloween display in the garden of a home in Los Angeles October 20, 2006. Los Angeles police visited the scene after thinking the crash was real. The homeowner is an aircraft mechanic in training and the parts are from a real Gulfstream jet.REUTERS/Lucy Nicholson

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that the only plane crash I've ever been in was on Flight Simulator 2.0

for a busy and enjoyable weekend, spiced by many recovery-related activities

that my sister and I care enough about our Mom to give her all we can, as often as we can

that doing the next right thing often benefits others and not just me

for the feeling of accomplishment

Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed.-Storm Jameson

Saturday, October 21, 2006

If you send me an email that has been forwarded more than once, I will delete it without opening it.If you send me an email that asks me to send it back to you or to forward it to anyone else, I will delete it without reading any more of it than necessary.Just thought I'd let you know.

Today, I can take comfort in knowing that I don't have the power to ruin God's plans.COURAGE to CHANGE

Thirty-six years of puffing away; first on Salems (22 years) and then Marlboro Lights (14 years). I averaged about 50 cigarettes during each of those 13,000 days. This is my twelfth day of being a nonsmoker. This whole experience has been a pleasant and unexpected surprise. I shouldn't be too surprised because the book I read said it would be just this way. But, who actually believes what they read?I have a friend who I've been taking to AA meetings for the past 3 weeks. He's still drinking. His life is quickly spiralling out of control. I gave him a Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous) the first week. He's yet to open it as I am sure he's afraid some of it might rub off.

Friday, October 20, 2006

that I no longer waste my time in sordid places; I have found other venues in which to waste my time

that I am pretty flexible to change when necessary

that I watched games 6 & 7 of the National League Championship Series (for the NL pennant). They were both well played games with tons of strategy. St Louis beat New York and goes on to the World Series.

that this blog, and these posts of gratitude, have become an integral part of my sober days at this point in time

for today's lesson in acceptance for me ... someone changed the font, font size, and font color on the HNT site. Shouldn't this require a group conscience?Acceptance is the key and I'd rather be Happy ... than right.But most of all -- if this is the worst thing that happens in my day today, it's going to be a very successful day.

The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life.-Muhammad Ali

Thursday, October 19, 2006

This will boggle your mind. And even if you keep trying to see if you can outsmart your foot, you won't be able to.1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor, stick it straight out, and make clockwise circles.2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction and start going counter-clockwise!And there's nothing you can do about it!

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

With the help of a Higher Power, decision-making can be one of life's great adventures. Each crossroad brings a new challenge, and I am capable of dealing with whatever comes my way.COURAGE to CHANGE, page 53

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

I've now gone a week without a cigarette and don't want to smoke again. (I did not stop smoking because I felt poorly. I stopped mainly because of societal pressures and personal ones. Health would have been next. LOL)

that good habits are as easy to develop as bad habits

to see 2 friends return to AA quickly after relapsing

that I know that when I don't benefit from the experiences of others, I ain't paying attention

that the flooding yesterday was not too bad where I live

I'm not what Willis was talking about

I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.-Louisa May Alcott

Sunday, October 15, 2006

...You are ALWAYS ready for your close-up....You've actually lived out some of your fantasies....After a workout at the gym, you feel like a new man. And he's right there in the shower....You sing along heartily with songs that make most females cringe, like "Stand by your man"....You know that pigs and bears are not necessarily rural wildlife....You've called someone "girlfriend" who is neither a girl nor a friend....You know how to program your VCR....You have at least one movie musical on video....You know that being called a "cheap slut" isn't actually an insult....There's a married guy somewhere who is terrified of you....You know that sex complicates things. So?...You know how to dress strategically....Your car has an amusing female name....You can smile to let someone know you can't stand them.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

It is no easy task to change the thinking of a lifetime, even when I am sure that I want to change. The Tenth Stepallows me to be aware of sliding back into faulty thinking. I don't have to abuse myself when it happens -- that doesn't help at all.By promptly admitting when I am wrong, I am doing what I can to change.

I give thanks for Step Ten's reminder that I need to continue taking personal inventory and making frequent corrections, especially in the areas where I tend to repeat my mistakes.

Friday, October 13, 2006

A kid knocked on the door last night. He was selling magazine subscriptions. Haven't see that in a while. There was the day when I would have bought 2 or 3 from him and helped him out. But as Scott and I discussed some time back, we are both on INFORMATION OVERLOAD these days. There's so much on the internet and on blogs, email, etc. (Google gives me over 16,000,000 websites on this subject)Who wants a magazine any more? Unless I'm sitting in the waiting room at my doctor's office.

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for 3 days of being a non-smoker

that the hardest time for me as a new non-smoker is after I eat, but even those times are very manageable; it's only a matter of reminding myself that I no longer smoke, then it's gone! poof!

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

It seems like time is going in slow motion. I had my last cigarette before midnight Monday and since then, everything has slowed down. Anyone else had this experience when stopping smoking?

It's on my brain that I have made such huge changes in my life, especially recently. Of course, it was 3 years ago that I stopped pouring booze down my throat. But in the last few weeks it seems to be getting more intense. (that reminds me of a joke, but I will let it go) I've gone to New York City (twice) with different friends. Hayden came to visit and we have ended up together again. Now, I've stopped smoking after 36 years.

What's next? Please don't tell me I will start liking ... brocolli.

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I have no secrets left to tell

day #1 as a Nonsmoker was surprisingly easy and comfortable although I found it difficult to put coherent thoughts together (that's nothing new)

that I've only thought about having a cigarette a few times and when I do, I remind myself that I'm a non-smoker, so why would I have a cigarette? Thanks, Scott!

that just being sober gives me so many choices I didn't have most of my life

that being in recovery gives me the ability to make some correct choices

that our AA District 20 sponsors "Surviving the Holidays" -- a seminar about making it through all the office parties and family get-togethers -- sober

The greatest use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.-William James

Monday, October 09, 2006

that Mom's new dental bridge has caused her no problems and she's very pleased with the process

that I attended an early Sunday morning GSR/District breakfast, followed by the annual SETA (Southeast Texas Area) meeting

that today is my last day of smoking 3 packs of cigarettes per day, which I have done for the past 36 years

that when I go to sleep tonight, I will consider myself a non-smoker

that I got to hear a respected lawyer (?) tell her story of alcohol and drug abuse and how she is now recovering

for a nice couple of hours Sunday afternoon at Starbucks with friends

that I no longer feel a need to attend hugely populated festivals; there were 2 big ones here this weekend in the bright sunshine. In years past, I would have been there drinking all I could get away with.

that Designer Girlcelebrates her first 30 days sober today! Drop by and give her a (((Big Hug))).

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.-Eleanor Roosevelt

Sunday, October 08, 2006

A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said, "I want to be a movie star."Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials. The agent asked, "What's your name?" The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian." The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name." "I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever." The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years... you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you.""So be it! I guess we will not do business together," the guy said and he left the agent's office.

FIVE YEARS LATER.....The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck; who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter enclosed...Dear Sir,Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood and you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation. Thank you for your advice.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

"Continued to take moral inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it."

For those of us trying to live by the twelve steps, this is part of our daily maintenance. I'm writing this as a reminder to myself what I need to do to maintain my program. Maybe it will serve as a reminder to others, as well.

... Cultivate the habit of self-restraint in order to avoid making amends. When something upsetting occurs, take an hour (at least) to take an inventory of what actually happened and what my role was. (I also use this a resentment prevention)

... Include the things I did right. This may include helping others, taking initiative or being an example of working a strong program of recovery.

... Be on the lookout for self-righteousness and self-justification. Do a spot-check inventory if I feel morally superior or entitled to something.

... Examine my motives -- before -- saying or doing anything for someone else's so-called benefit. Why am I helping? Why am I telling someone about how tough my life was or is?

These are paraphrased from STAYING SOBER, by Meredith Gould, page 124

These barely scratch the surface. But they are a good start to my daily practice of Step 10. Have a great weekend.

The only people to get even with are those who have helped you.-Anonymous

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

that I am leaving for my Mom's nursing home at 5:30am today to take her for a surgical procedure (it's a 40 minute drive to get there)

that I make good coffee at home - whew!

that I will make-up for a missed AA meeting because of my commitment to myself

to be working with an active alkie who still finds reasons not to go to daytime meetings, but is learning that I won't take no for an answer

for sponsees who (seem to) listen

that working Step 5 taught me the great lesson of talking things out (I'm only now realizing this)

that shortly after I arrived at Starbucks at 4pm yesterday, by myself, within 20 minutes another 6 Lambda Center members happened by and we had an AA fellowship meeting amongst the earth people who didn't have a clue what we were up to or about

Sunday, October 01, 2006

I wasn't sure what to write about this morning. So I'll just type few words about what's on my mind.

September 2006 was possibly the most remarkable month I have ever experienced. It may not equal September 2003 in significance, which is when I stopped drinking alcohol after a 33-year binge.But it was remarkable nonetheless.

First, I celebrated my 3rd year of sobriety. That in itself is a miracle and a gift given to me by my HP. My wonderful friends at AA and Lambda Center played a huge role in that as well by introducing me to the existence of my HP and showing me how to stay connected to same.

Second, there was Hayden. I've already written a lot here over the past 30 days about this situation. I'm still pinching myself that not only did we reconnect as friends (that was the intention of his visit) but we rekindled our relationship and became closer to each other than ever before. In accepting my 3-year AA chip last night, I "came out" publicly that we have made a commitment to each other to be Partners For Life. For us, this means that no matter where we are, together or separate, we will always have each other. We most definitely know one another better than anyone else knows either of us. We are totally honest and open even though we are a generation apart. I've been through the wringer and have experienced all the things that a gay man growing up in the 70's and 80's can think of. He still has a lot to experience and I must allow him to grow. He comes from a society where homosexuality is oppressive. When he's here in Texas, he can be free to express himself as God would allow. I can't deny him that freedom. My ability to understand these things and accept them represents huge growth in me as a human trying to do the next right thing.

And thirdly, I have made a lot of progress over the past month in my recovery. I am trying to take the action to become a little more balanced. I have travelled again for only the second time since becoming sober. That may not sound like much to you, but it's a big step for this homebody. I'm trying to make myself more available to those who may benefit from my experience, strength and hope. And I've made a new friend who is not in recovery, an earth person. All of these things are good and require constant attention from me lest they become just a memory.

Lastly, my mother's health is not good. I am renewing my commitment to her to be the best son I can be. I feel so helpless most of the time, but my HP will show me the right things to do.

None of these things would be possible without my sobriety and recovery. For that, I am truly grateful.

stuff about me

A POSITIVE ATTITUDE MAY NOT SOLVE ALL OF MY PROBLEMS,
BUT IT WILL ANNOY ENOUGH PEOPLE TO MAKE IT WORTH THE EFFORT.
I am an
alcoholic and a
sarcastic smart-ass.
I am recovering from the alcoholism.
My first and only sobriety date is September 5, 2003.