Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Monday, March 26, 2007

So, the big scandal in Washinton is about firing of Federal Attorneys! So, what do they want to do? Let's fire Alberto Gonzalez! And HE's the head of the Federal Attorneys! What's up with that?

And George W. Bush, he's all "My dudes, they can't be like testifying under oath, because they need their privacy!" so I'm like, "if you didn't do anything wrong, you've got nothing to worry about," 'cause, like, when they were all listening to all our phone calls, they were like, "if you didn't do anything wrong, you've got nothing to worry about!"

It's like, when George W. Bush, he wants to go to Iraq, so he's like "If there's like any chance he's got those Mass Destruction Weapons, we like can't take any chance, we've got to all like spend a trillion dollars and invade, but not a trillion dollars but like fifty bucks but it's really a trillion dollars, but you know we can't take any chances, gotta be super-careful!" but then he's all "Global Warming, we're not a hundred percent for sure about it so we can't really do anything, we can't possibly just stop making air pollution or have cars with really good gas mileage without a really good reason!"

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Telling someone that you ALMOST had a baby is worse than telling someone about a dream you had.

Almost had a baby stories are the all time worst stories. Why? BECAUSE NOTHING HAPPENS. You DIDN'T HAVE A BABY!!! And neither did most people that day.

Don't tell me about it. Nothing happened. And I certainly don't want to hear a story with the punchline of nothing happening. So go pound out a baby and tell me about it....I'll be all severed ears. But if you avoid said baby maybe you can go write it in your diary. Though even Dear Diary doesn't care.

(I once dreamed about almost having a baby....I almost slept with a vat of pudding after said vat got pregnant. Or something. Thank god I used "protection," huh?)

Don't get it? Read This and This and This. You might as well look at This too. Elegant Voles Roam the Tundra!