surrenderingletting gobecomes now meaningfulonly when recognition is givento that tiny bit of gripthat looks littleyet so insurmountablean illusion of mindgrasping dearly to exist

never before such been experiencedthe frailty of uncertaintybugging the mindyet and yetthe voice never fails to callto trustto surrenderand to let gothe threadof holding onan opportunity of a lifetimethe severing of mindthe probable freedom ofnon-thingness

If I am the Sun
I wouldn’t need to express
I am shining upon you
for if I am already That
occurring all the time
expression does not at all
come to mind
for I am already nature, shining

If I am Anger
I wouldn’t need you to know I am angry
for I wouldn’t know any other except angry
for I am nature, Anger

Do I need to express to you
I am breathing
if I already know I can’t be without breathing?

For what is already natural in me
I wouldn’t bring it up as an expression
except to know I am already that

Surely, hence if I were to express something
I am expressing a thing that I am not
except as an experience occurring of that moment
a contrast from any moment before
and taking it as true, I express it to you

If I am Love
I wouldn’t have express
I love you
for if I am already That
being all the time
expression does not at all
come to mind

But if I were to express to you
I love you
I can be sure I am not Love
except an arising of a loving experience
in contrast to what I was not a moment ago.
Hence, how can I then say I am Love?

Love as Unconditional Love
was never an experience
except a realization
And with that realization
you become Thatand as you are That
you live as That
without needing to experience That
except your nature is That

Experience is one, Nature is another
With Nature, you are it without you trying to be it
With experience, you are merely savoring briefly
hence experiencing it one more time
when conditions were to arise.

***********

An echo back… (from a soul seeker)

If You ARE Love
surely there is nothing to express
because
You are That
living as That
not even becoming.

When You ARE Love
You ARE nature
Love as Unconditional Love
even
in the world of conditions
because You ARE Unconditional.

Expressions
only manifestation
of
words, actions
because
once again

You ARE Love
You are That
living as That
As That
Unconditionally
in the midst of conditions.

Experiences
as an end
marked
as unconditioned effect
from unconditioned cause
beginning, ending
concurrently
in
One
as
One
in
conditioned time and space
because it is unconditional.

So
to express not
is unconditioned
to express
is conditioned
in the presence of
the unconditioned.

Undaunted
unperturbed
she hunts her prey
feeding the hunger
that was never hers to own
yet she is the unknown servant
of Wanting’s need

The hunger never questioned
for Pain was just too unbearable
diverting her attention purposefully
as another scheming way
not one, not two but multitude
so as to blind her
to feed Wanting again

Only
if only once
she were to look into Pain’s eye
she would have been quick to find
her doorway to escape
from Wanting’s grip
and yet it was never that way
neither was it that easy
for anciently it has been scripted
pain is for her to move away

Who would have ever thought
the very pain one detest
is the very door to escape from pain?
how witty the plot has been
to blind her from freedom’s gain
to meeting her Beloved
to Love once again?

Forgiveness – begins her journey out
or Wisdom – awakening to lie
either one, Hunger ends
or else waiting at each end
is Pain beckoning
to meet Wanting’s need
once more, again.

Wake up! Wake up one more time to Pain
mystery so ancient will begin to end
not once, not twice
but many times
again and again
with each step she is Known
as Lover becomes the Beloved.

How many more listings can I make to finally come to an ultimate conclusion of permutations that result in 1? Ponder what is the potential of listing all the permutations that leads to 1, considering that there are no limits to how the equations are arrange? Impossible, obviously, as the range of possibilities are limitless and unimaginable. The result may look the same, but how it is arrived at has its own different causes.

Consider that each every experience that we are having in each moment of our lives has its tale of causes that is unknown to us – and many a times we make hasty conclusions that what happened is what we have just done. Imagine walking into a temple or a church after much of a seeking elsewhere and suddenly it dawn upon us the answer we were fervently seeking – and in that precise moment we conclude that it is the space or the religion that brought us to that moment of aha, many a times making hasty conclusion in dumping what we were before and taking on the new faith. At the worst scenario, we become critical to our former faith for not answering to our calls in time of need. How narrow can our perception be when we don’t acknowledge the many causes that finally lead us to where we are.

Similarly, conclusions are ignorantly made when our realizations come many a times from triggers and we have a fixated idea that triggers are always good in waking people up, hence making us trigger-happy upon other peoples’ lives – how painful a life that can be! My wise teacher kept reminding me that conclusions are ignorant-based considering that wisdom never concludes.

If I am re-experiencing a self worth issue as what I was a day, a month or a year ago, I can’t make a conclusive idea that it comes with the same causes. If that is true, how could I then possibly judge that your issue that looks similar to mine has the same meaning of past? Do I not see that my limited knowledge of how the mind works has no capacity of realizing the immensity of conditions that brings me to experience what I am now? Making conclusions to each experience only limits and flattens the possibility of realizing something greater beyond the already-always box of mentality.

On another occasion my partner, while seeking audience with one of my respectable master, was advice to consider removing her fixated mentality that her body-heat issues have much to do with a certain food she eats or things she does or does not do. He invites her to consider being with the experience (the result) without having any meaning of causes in mind. That is a wise order considering that our little knowledge is insufficient and to make conclusive judgment only strengthens our perception making what is unreal becoming real in our next reality.

It is possible for us to observe and realize how causes bring about effect but we have no sufficient capacity of making conclusive judgment of what those causes or ultimate cause are – and that is none of our business, as it only makes us divert our attention from what is more important in our spiritual quest. Though our past has much to do with our present experience, yet making ideas out of the past is far from truth. To stop making conclusions and blame and to plunge in head-on of what is in our experience is all it takes to bring us Home. Others only delay and delude us in a merry-go-round trip – and that is what we have been doing unconsciously all this while, considering the reason why we are still here, in existence.

Present here is a passage from A Course in Miracles (Chap 15, The Holy Instant; X. The Time of Rebirth, pp 324) that I found relevant and profoundly loving:

It IS in your power to make this season [moment] holy. For it is in your power to make the time of Christ be NOW.

It is possible to do this all at once, because there is but ONE shift in perception that is necessary. For you made but ONE mistake. It SEEMS like many, but it is all the same. For, though the ego takes many forms, it is ALWAYS the same idea. What is NOT love is always fear, and nothing else.

It is not necessary to follow fear through all of the circuitous routes by which it burrows underground, and hides in darkness, to emerge in FORMS quite different from what it IS. It IS necessary to examine each one, as long as you would retain the PRINCIPLE which governs all of them. But when you are willing to regard them, NOT as separate, but as DIFFERENT MANIFESTATIONS OF THE SAME IDEA, and ONE YOU DO NOT WANT, they go together.

The idea is simply this; you believe that it is possible to be host to the ego, or hostage to God. This is the choice you think you have, and the decision that you believe that you must make. You see no other alternatives. For you can NOT accept the fact that SACRIFICE GETS NOTHING. Sacrifice is so essential to your thought-system, that salvation, APART from sacrifice, means NOTHING to you. Your confusion of sacrifice and love is so profound that you cannot conceive of love WITHOUT sacrifice. And it is THIS that you must look at; SACRIFICE IS ATTACK, NOT LOVE. If you would accept but this ONE idea, your fear of love would vanish.

Guilt CANNOT last, when the idea of sacrifice has been removed. For, if there MUST be sacrifice, as you are convinced, someone must pay, and someone must get. And the ONLY question that remains to BE decided is HOW MUCH is the price, for getting WHAT. As host to the ego, you believe that you can give ALL your guilt away, WHATEVER you think, and purchase peace. For the payment DOES NOT SEEM TO BE YOURS. While it is obvious that the ego DOES demand payment, it NEVER seems to be demanding it OF YOU. For you are unwilling to recognize that the ego, which you INVITED, is treacherous ONLY to those who think they are its host.

The ego will NEVER let you perceive this, for this recognition WILL make it homeless. For, when this recognition dawns clearly, you will NOT be deceived by ANY form the ego takes, to protect itself FROM your sight. Each form will be recognized as but a cover, for the one idea that hides behind them all. That love demands sacrifice, and is therefore INSEPARABLE from attack and fear. And that GUILT IS THE PRICE OF LOVE, which MUST be paid BY fear. How fearful, then, has God become to you, and how great a sacrifice do you believe His Love demands! For total love would demand total sacrifice. And so the ego seems to demand LESS of you than God, and of the two is judged as the LESSER of two evils, one to be feared a little, but the Other TO BE DESTROYED.

For you see love AS DESTRUCTIVE, and your only question is WHO is to be destroyed, you or another? You seek to answer this question in your special relationships, in which you are both destroyer and destroyed IN PART, but with the idea of being able to be neither completely. And this you think SAVES YOU FROM GOD, whose TOTAL Love would COMPLETELY destroy you. You think that everyone OUTSIDE yourself demands your sacrifice, but you do NOT see that ONLY you demand sacrifice, and ONLY of yourself. Yet the demand of sacrifice is so savage and so fearful, that you CANNOT accept it WHERE IT IS. But the REAL price of NOT accepting this has been so great, that you have GIVEN GOD AWAY, rather than look at it.

For, if GOD would demand total sacrifice of you, you thought it safer to project Him outward and AWAY from you, and NOT be host to Him. For to Him you ascribed the EGO’S treachery, inviting it to take His place, and PROTECT you FROM Him. And you do not recognize that it is WHAT YOU INVITED IN that would destroy you, and DOES demand total sacrifice of you. No partial sacrifice will appease this savage guest, for it is an invader who but SEEMS to offer kindness, but ALWAYS to MAKE THE SACRIFICE COMPLETE. You will NOT succeed in being PARTIAL hostage to the ego, for it keeps NO bargains, and would leave you NOTHING. Nor can you be partial HOST to it.

You will have to choose between TOTAL freedom and TOTAL bondage, for there are no alternatives but these. You have tried many compromises, in the attempt to avoid recognizing the one decision that MUST be made. And yet, it is the RECOGNITION of the decision, JUST AS IT IS, that makes the decision so easy! Salvation is simple, being of God, and therefore VERY easy to understand. But do not try to project it FROM you, and see it OUTSIDE yourself. In YOU are both the question and the Answer; the demand for sacrifice and the peace of God.

Let time heal, only then truth reveals
Never once have we never knew
In midst of pain, storylines never real
Even if “understanding” is the word
yet camouflage is delusion’s work

Separating me with the Dreamer
is only you,
the Custodian of Dream
an ancient protector
I am not unfamiliar with

I am free
to cross the Border
to reach out to the Dreamer
yet
I have to come through You
subjected to your Law of Dreams
for you are not just an entity
waiting at the doorstep
but you are all over the Dreamer
enticing her to sleep for a little while more.

You are the exposed Dreamer
Temporary suspending
the Innocence from her Beloved
enjoying a dream that was never pleasant
But with your conjurer wand
you make what is unpleasant pleasant
and what is seriously unpleasant bearable
that is your skill of which until today
I am truly amazed!

There are some who begins to end their sleep
For reasons probably unknown to you
Of the pain which they knew is somewhat freaky
searching for a solution to end their woes
which I am sure
you will be the first to lend your conjurer wand
My job is to pay a courtesy call on them
Obviously with you still hovering around
Awaiting to strike your mighty sword of delusion
To bring her back to sleep again

Her freewill is not your command
Neither is it mine
And the battle is between your skill and mine
to lure her either to sleep again
or to gradually wake her up
of which I am sure we won’t switch roles!

And yes with a Law that I have to abide
I am now a dreamer in your Land
playing a game that is dangerous to my wellbeing
yet I am guarded by the Wakeful
of glimpses that I can never forget
except for moments of unconsciousness
to be awakened again in brief time

I do not have a conjurer wand
But I do have my Wakefulness
which with willingness of the Innocence
will gradually but surely awaken her
only if she is ready to step into Surrendering
of freewill that was never hers in the first place
but an illusion conjured by the Custodian
as a gift of conspiracy to deepened her dream

Meeting Myself

This blog is about the mind story – my intimate relationship with the mind. And the stories evolve around my own spiritual growth which includes my own shortcomings, observations and understanding.

Interestingly it was recognizing arrogance that propels me to look at spirituality from a different light, beginning from the Buddha’s teaching to other faith, seeing profound similarities in them. Arrogance swings me from one end of polarity to the other end, humility. And again, only in recognizing both ends was I able to come to my own balance state, the middle path. Both ends have extreme interpretations of good and bad whereas the centre has its understanding of both. The recognition I am talking about is wisdom in working, found in each and everyone of us, when we allow.

And my journey is still evolving and refining, bringing myself back again and again, consistently, allowing wisdom to unfold in me, from extremity to the middle path of non-judgment and non-violence, seeing the world as my own creation and definition.

May you find yourself in these readings and come into your inner peace and freedom.

- - - -

Quantum physics defies what Newtonian physics is all about. At the molecular level, the entire game changes. In fact it is totally in opposition to what is.

The same goes with the mind. The world I perceived outwardly is not exactly what I thought it is - a different set of rules reign within.