Oh there once was a hero named Ragnar the Red who came to Whiterun from ‘ol Rorikstead.
And the braggart did swagger and brandish his blade, as he told of bold battles and gold he had made
But then he went quiet, did Erik the Red, when he met the shield-maiden Matilda who said;
“Oh, you talk and you lie and you drink all our mead, now I think it’s high time that you lie down and bleed”
And so then came clashing and slashing of steel, as the brave lass Matilda charged in full of zeal
And the bragger named Erik was boastful no more, when his ugly red head rolled around on the floor!

Now I was reminded by the scene from Röde Orm (The Long Ships in translated form) where Toke gets in a dispute with another man at a feast, they both leave “to pee” and Toke comes in shortly thereafter, with a little blood, stating “Now I’ve finished pissing”.

I would’ve liked seeing a bit more of that understatement in Skyrim (a fine game in any case).

Actually, yes it DOES work well. Slowbro is VERY much an awesome pokemon in its own right because it can tank through just about anything in the game that has a physical attack on it and is equipped to boost its own defenses. The one you should not be trying it on is Goldeen.

Speaking of tanks, I HATE FIGHTING MILOTIC!! I WANT ONE SO BAD BUT THOSE THINGS HAVE LIKE NO VISIBLE WEAKNESS! AAAAAAAARRGH!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MANY TIMES I’VE LOST OR COME CLOSE TO LOOSING BECAUSE OF THAT THING!! AND AT THE SAME TIME, IT’S THE HARDEST FREAKING POKEMON TO GET IN THE ENTIRE SERIES!! EVEN HARDER THAN THE EVENT ONES!!

Also you have to get the beauty stat up and not all feebas like the poffin you need to do that with, besides milotic aren’t even that good, it’s straight water and has mediocre stats though if it has a status affect it has higher defense, still not a concern.

Did you know, that if a Slowbro ( or a Slowpoke, I forget which) is bitten on the tail, it will not feel the pain for awhile after the battle? Read the bottoms of Poke’mon cards,the facts are rather interesting…

See in Black and White, the only way to get Magikarp is to buy him. (at least when you haven’t played pokemon for 7 years) Right after you buy him at lvl 5, there is a rotation battle down the road. The pokemon in that battle are lvl 65. If you have one of the exp boosting items, such as lucky egg, on magikarp when he is the first pokemon in your party, by the time you knock out the three other pokemon, he has jumped to lvl 21. You then have the choice of evolving him after one more level, or grinding him up to lvl 30 to learn flail.
I choose the latter. Any time he gets in the red, 200 base dp. If the other pokemon somehow survives, I wasn’t winning that battle anyway…

I put my Magikarp in the daycare center after Cerulean City and ground the rest of my Pokemon to let time pass. I would pull it out right before level 20 and made up the difference with rare candies. Then, BOOYA! Kick-ass time! And he never leaves my party after that.

Just to note, you gain EV’s by fighting, but there’s a max of 255 for any pokemon. So sure, if he left the ‘karp in the daycare center for the entire level progression, waste of EV’s, but if he took it out at 20 and used it, it would still gain EV’s as normal… Chances are it’ll take more than 255 fights to get to lvl 100.

The maximum amount of EV’s you can get in a stat is 255, however since you get 1 Stat point for every 4 EV’s in a stat, the 3 extra EV’s past 252 do nothing so it is best to only put 252 EV’s in a stat.

The maximum amount of EV’s that you can have on a Pokemon across all of it’s stats is 510. That means you could put 252 EV’s into two stats and 4 EV’s into another with 2 EV’s leftover (those 2 leftover are useless).

You don’t have to put 252 though. You could spread EV’s out across all stats like 100 in HP, Speed, Defense, Special Defense, and special attack and then 10 in attack. You can distribute the 510 EV’s however you want.

A Pokemon gets EV’s by participating in a battle that the opposing Pokemon faints in. If holding an exp. share though, a Pokemon receives any EV’s even without participating in battle.

Different Pokemon offer different EV’s for different stats and different Pokemon offer either 1, 2, or 3 EV’s upon being defeated. It’s not randomized, you can google for more information. Various sites have the information that shows which EV’s and how many a Pokemon gives when defeated.

I name my Magikarp “Kraken” specifically because I know what the payoff will be. Also, raising my Magikarp this most recent time around was a lot easier this time around thanks to the power of the Pokewalker. Who says walking isn’t a useful exercise?

Also, if you’re interested, I put up a TVTropesWiki page for you last week. It’s not much, but you might want to check it out.

It would make the joke more concise, but it wouldn’t move the story forward. He has a gyarados when he walks into the office and a magikarp in his flashback, the magikarp has to turn into a gyarados sometime before the day is out.

This page is made of so much win. And I don’t even know anything about Pokemon! Until now. Yes, you convinced this metalhead to go out and google and read up on cute Japanese critters just because of the awesomeness that is Mr Fish…

*coughs* It’s only been you know, months if not years since this comment was posted, but I actually did my own “Jared Run” of FRLG. It was a self-imposed ruleset. You CAN capture other Pokemon, but you cannot use them in Battles, only as HM Slaves. In essence, they do not truly exist.

Long story short I was able to beat the E4, my HM Slaves including Snorlax, Farfetch’d, Raichu, and ONE other I forgot…

I also added that if you play a Gen 3+ or 5+ game, you can have other Gyarados named Mr. Fish in your party to cover Double and Triple/Rotation Battles.

Quite possibly the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. That’s one sexy hunk of Gyarados. Also, just for the record this comic made me remember about Gyarados, a pokemon I’ve never used seriously: So I caught a Magikarp, named it Cuddlefish, and now we’ll destroy everything in our path.

Well, you know how Magikarp are. Obnoxiously slow levelers, horrible attack, terrible exp earnage, but still with just enough defense to be aggravatingly durable. Jared’s way is probably the only way to level it without the grindy feel. Unless you use that pokewalker thingy that those dern whippersnappers are yammering on about. *cantankerous old lady grumble*

I find it funny that even the in-game Pokedex in some games ACTUALLY SAYS that magikarp is the WORST POKEMON IN EXISTENCE. And, like Feebass (may it soon become much…MUCH…easier to find), it becomes a freakin’ tank when it evolves. BUT, FERALIGATER is a HECK of a tank when you give it Surf and Ice Punch, along with two other moves that I can’t remember.

Dude, I am 19 years old and had never touched Pokemon in my life. A little while back, a newfound friend of mine, who’s a rather dedicated fan of the game, encouraged me to take a shot at it. I figured with everything I picked up about it from the internets, I owed it a playthrough. As of five days ago, I am hooked.

Two days ago, I got my first fishing rod and caught my first Magikarp. I remembered this comic. I named him Mr. Fish.

As of yesterday, Mr. Fish reached level 20, and as you so succinctly put it, I became the king of everything.

I feel the need to share this little story here. There’s a guest speaker who comes into my science class every once in a while but I can never remember what his name is. He mentioned the first time he came in that he studies fish so I always refer to him as Mr. Fish, mostly because of this comic. I feel like if he knew he was being compared to a giant gyarados, he would appreciate it.

Reading back over these I had a thought: someone should do a flash game of Jared bludgeoning little pokemon into red, bloody lump lumps… or maybe even a mini game in a pokemon version. I would play it no question

I always put a Magicarp at the 1st slot of the party, so for every battle I could pull him back quickly and he’d get half exp without needing to be anywhere. ‘Cause I’m too impatient to wait for Rare Candies or the Daycare

I catch a magikarp…and then let it sit in my pokemon box for decades until I have beaten the game with my army of tanks. Then, if I get bored or decide it’s about time I got working on it, I start trying to level him up by teaching it the most powerful moves I can, giving it the Exp. Share, and doing battles with it or tanking through the Elite Four and Champion multiple times until my Rayquaza is level 100 (maybe), Magikarp has evolved, I get bored, or I decide to go on a shopping spree with the 200,000 pokedollars I gained from all the Elite Four runs. I’ve actually done that, but I don’t think Magikarp was in my party at the time. When I finally got Rayquaza to level 100, I decided to take a break and get some more potions and whatnot for more pokemon leveling. I looked at my money and was like “HOLY FUDGE!!!! WHERE’D ALL THAT COME FROM!?” Yeah, let’s just say I had enough to buy like 99 Hyper Potions and then some. I never lost a battle again. Even if it took half my Hyper Potions to do it.

In the darkened dawn of morn, hours past, fate had brought me to this page from lands ye shalt not witness with thine eyes nor comprehend with thy mind. Deep within myself welled a curious state, entranced and bemused by what lay before me. My visage contorts in an alien manner, and with even more fervor, unwilling guttural contractions assault my constitution, ceaseless and violent. Yet, this pleases me. It begs me to proceed and to return again. I must have more of this strange phenomenon, this thing you call… “Laughter”.

Just to note, six years later, this comic has inspired me to dedicate myself to catching between 102 and 105 Magikarps on Pokemon GO. Coelasquid you have left a mark on a person so deep that their mental instability has finally boiled over into an incessant need to create a god amongst Pokemon. Thank you.

I just found a Game Boy emulator for my tablet and started up a classic game of Gen 1 Pokemon. I specifically got the Magikarp as soon as possible so I could name him Mr. Fish. He’s been an asset on my team ever since.