1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. enough said.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following Circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ...only if it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick or punch another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man While lifting weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e, both urinating, both waiting In line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
29: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"
I hope this clears up any confusion, The International Council of Manlaws, Ltd.

scubastud

11-28-2008, 19:49

OK! I just found this in man's law forum.. (look at the date) and felt it needed reviewing.

fire diver

11-28-2008, 20:38

Yeah, I think #29 is very appropriate.

So which is it gals? Still cleaning?
.
.
.
.
.
.
<fire-diver ducks for the nearest bunker>

DollFin

11-28-2008, 21:14

Yeah, I think #29 is very appropriate.

So which is it gals? Still cleaning?

As a matter of fact, yes I have been cleaning....

First I cleaned the Mossberg, then I cleaned my Smith and Wesson .38!

You got something to say? ;)

Daz

11-28-2008, 21:21

OK! I just found this in man's law forum.. (look at the date) and felt it needed reviewing.Got a memory problem? You should have memorized these before you had hairs there.

Who issued your card?

navyhmc

11-28-2008, 21:28

#30: If you use "Man" and "Cave" in the same sentence, Your man card is forever revoked, no matter what feat is performed to get it back!

i.e. "Mom, you know we're in the man-cave!!"

note: this is usually not a big issue as it's normally uttered by those who never had a man card

fire diver

11-29-2008, 01:37

Yeah, I think #29 is very appropriate.

So which is it gals? Still cleaning?

As a matter of fact, yes I have been cleaning....

First I cleaned the Mossberg, then I cleaned my Smith and Wesson .38!

You got something to say? ;)

Ahhhh, girl after my own heart! I just stripped, cleaned and lubed my M4 rifle and M9 pistol.

scubastud

11-29-2008, 04:47

OK! I just found this in man's law forum.. (look at the date) and felt it needed reviewing.Got a memory problem? You should have memorized these before you had hairs there.

Who issued your card?

My card was issued decades ago from Mr. Norris hisself-I helped compile this list!
Read my post again, I didn't say reviewing by ME.. but maybe by any young pups on the forum aspiring to be as studly as us.
Also, since I see so many women in this forum, (what's up with that?) it may assist them in thier goal to please us. A gentleman always helps a lady out...
For instance just last night, the woman brought home a case of Michelob, when she knows I prefer Molson. I didn't scold her, I just corrected her and forgave.

Bert

11-29-2008, 09:43

Scubastud I'm calling b.s. on you Chuk Norris does not issue mancards only roundhouse kicks..

gNats

11-29-2008, 10:08

#30: If you use "Man" and "Cave" in the same sentence, Your man card is forever revoked, no matter what feat is performed to get it back!

i.e. "Mom, you know we're in the man-cave!!"

note: this is usually not a big issue as it's normally uttered by those who never had a man card

HAHAHHAHA - too funny.... I have an ex-boyfriend that ALWAYS referred to his home as the man-cave.

Can't tonight baby, I need to spend some time in the man-cave.

Now I know why he's an ex - NO MAN CARD!!

I can smell the fakers lurking in the shadows and banish them to the sissy-girl nether world as soon as they trip up and demonstrate the lack of a man-card.

gNats

11-29-2008, 10:17

Yeah, I think #29 is very appropriate.

So which is it gals? Still cleaning?
.
.
.
.
.
.
<fire-diver ducks for the nearest bunker>

Do you have a death-wish or something? I mean, after finding out you are coming home safely from the Middle East - um, a WAR, you go and post something like this? It's crazy, even for a guy.

:smilie39:

Splitlip

11-29-2008, 10:25

Anyone else just a little concerned that a girl even knows what a Mossberg is? :smiley5:

Yeah, I think #29 is very appropriate.

So which is it gals? Still cleaning?

As a matter of fact, yes I have been cleaning....

First I cleaned the Mossberg, then I cleaned my Smith and Wesson .38!

You got something to say? ;)

scubastud

11-29-2008, 10:39

Scubastud I'm calling b.s. on you Chuk Norris does not issue mancards only roundhouse kicks..

Well let me tell you, i visited Mr Norris in his castle, as we know is on top of a floating mountian in the northwest. He appreciated the fact that, as I kissed his ring, I made sure not to make eye contact.
We dined on raw steak and single malt whiskey, afterwards we wrote down this list.
Challenging another man and calling b.s. is a very manly thing to do, Mr. Norris will be pleased, but make no mistake I met him.. I am not saying we are pals, but...
... he did allow me to live, so draw your own conclusions.

gNats

11-29-2008, 10:44

shotguns and rifles. doesn't everyone know that?

Anyone else just a little concerned that a girl even knows what a Mossberg is? :smiley5:

Yeah, I think #29 is very appropriate.

So which is it gals? Still cleaning?

As a matter of fact, yes I have been cleaning....

First I cleaned the Mossberg, then I cleaned my Smith and Wesson .38!

You got something to say? ;)

Skred

11-29-2008, 10:44

Anyone else just a little concerned that a girl even knows what a Mossberg is? :smiley5:

Maybe a tad, but as long as it's not pointed at me, I'm good!

:snipersmilie::smiley5:

mm_dm

11-29-2008, 11:16

Great list, Anne. Nice to see you out of stealth-mode!

emcbride81

11-29-2008, 19:05

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
.

I would also like to add Dog shows and day time television to include, soap operas, "Judge" shows, and talk shows. Chick flicks may be acceptable if done to increase odds of getting laid.

BuzzF117

11-30-2008, 13:01

Anyone else just a little concerned that a girl even knows what a Mossberg is? :smiley5:

Yeah, I think #29 is very appropriate.

So which is it gals? Still cleaning?

As a matter of fact, yes I have been cleaning....

First I cleaned the Mossberg, then I cleaned my Smith and Wesson .38!

You got something to say? ;)

nope not concerned at all....

Splitlip

11-30-2008, 14:58

Man card, NOW, young man!

Theepdinker

11-30-2008, 15:20

shotguns and rifles. doesn't everyone know that?

Every girl should know the difference between a rifle and a gun.
One is for kill'in and the other is for fun.

Theep

Splitlip

11-30-2008, 15:33

shotguns and rifles. doesn't everyone know that?

Every girl should know the difference between a rifle and a gun.
One is for kill'in and the other is for fun.

Theep

Knew that was coming, LOL.

navyhmc

11-30-2008, 17:33

Anyone else just a little concerned that a girl even knows what a Mossberg is? :smiley5:

Concerned? No... A little excited? Definitely! gNats, I have got to meet up with you folks when you get to the midwest!