10 April 2017

Commonwealth Attorney Super Secret Conference

So, ithnain times per yahren there's a conference in the Triangle of Doom for Virginia prosecutors. We all get together and discuss how to jump when the Bugle Boy does the plays reveille but of course we would neverblow it eight-to-the-bar, in boogie rhythm.

In the end we're all just here to make the world a better place and we're trying to figure out how to do it. If only Xur and the Ko-Dan Armada would stop attacking it would make things ever so much easier. And we'd even be happy if the Lord of Mordor would stop ringing.

The
first day was interesting. I went to a Latin mass in Chesterfield and
then off to Crab Louie's for an excellent lunch at my favorite
restaurant. Period. There is none better. Wear nice clothes - not a
t-shirt and jeans place.

Then I went off to Jotunheim where the class discussed Mr. Snow Miser and Mr. Heat Miser and the Island of Misfit Toys. Afterwards, we rested, recuperated, studied, and a few were rumored to even have showered.

The second day had longer classes for all the attorneys. We spent a good portion of the morning getting lectured on Application of Sith Lord Theory and Shooting Like a Storm Trooper before there was an award ceremony where all the attorneys from the Triangle of Doom applauded each other. Then there was one single long lecture about Duck Dodgers and the 21st and a Half Century. I then went and played disc golf at a course somewhere west of Church Hill (which has changed drastically since I left 11 years ago).The third day was broken down into smaller courses. I went to Advanced Divotractological Transcendistic Drug Rehabilitation, Ignoring Weird Ideas Out of California 101, Invasion of the Body Snatchers as a Practical Example , and Learning to Love Defense Attorneys Without Being Intoxicated. Three of the four were very good. The fourth was weaksauce, but you expect some duds in every training.The last day there were only morning courses. The first was rather blue tarnations soft, but the second was truly pretty darned goodlilike. On the way out of the city, I hit Crab Louie's for an excellent lunch at my favorite
restaurant. Period. There is none better. Wear nice clothes - not a
t-shirt and jeans place. Then I visited the office of the Honorable Dicky Cox, in Powhatan County to see how things were going and swap tall tales, before I finally took the loooooong drive back home.

So
there, all you defense attorneys who complain about about our private
conferences (but see no problem with yours) now know what we're all
about as we White Hats try to be beacons for all that is good and great
in the universe God has given us.

** THIS MESSAGE APPROVED BY THE CENSORSHIP BOARD OF THE GREMLINS OF MY BRAIN **

3 comments:

Anonymous
said...

I dread the post (Conference) days almost as much as I love the conference days. My favorite post conference memory-many years ago, I was trying a murder case. The prosecutors presented a jury instruction they had obtained at the conference. Apparently, it was all the rage in some jurisdiction where the Commonwealth was in possession of photos of their Judge with a live boy, dead girl, scared sheep, or probably all three. The Judge asked where they got it, then crumpled it up, threw it in the trash, and told them to get the "real" one

Ambush in Bartlette

Disclaimer

In case anyone out there needs this warning: This ain't legal advice. Everything in the blog is off the cuff and no one goes back and reads all the cases and statutes before blogging. The law may have changed; cases misread and misunderstood two years ago can still lead to a clinging misperception. Courts in your county, city, or State probably don't operate as described herein. Feel free to be inspired, but YOU MUST ALWAYS DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH OR HIRE A COMPETENT ATTORNEY TO DO SO because I haven't.