Storytime: Whiskey Pants

Once upon a New York minute,

I met Whiskey Pants at a friend’s party. He lived close to me, so I decided to give him a chance for the sake of convenience. I know, it sounds terrible, but these are the realities to consider when dating in NY!

The first date was nice. We went to dinner and grabbed drinks. He walked me home and we hugged goodbye. I agreed to the second date.

For the second date, we met at a pizza joint near our apartments. From there, we went to a game hall. As we were walking to the game hall, he asked me if I liked whiskey. “Sure, sometimes,” I replied. “Great,” he responded, as he pulled a flask of whiskey out of his pants pocket. “Second question,” he began, “do you like to drink your whiskey with coke?” I replied, “Ummm, sure...when I drink whiskey, I suppose....” (this is a lie, I'm a whiskey ginger girl - judge away, if you'd like!).

He proceeded to pull a bottle of coke out of his other pants pocket. (Note to the male flirts: this is not cute, especially on a second date. It’s cool when you are a couple trying to save a buck but when you are on a second date, it’s way too prematurely comfortable.) He pours out half of the coke and pours the flask of whiskey in the coke bottle with the remaining coke.

He offers me the coke bottle filled with half whiskey and half coke. I took a sip. I wasn’t in the mood for whiskey and coke that night and feeling pressured by my date’s assumption that I would like it made me want it less. He took a big gulp and handed it back to me. I took a sip again and handed it to him and said, "I’m good." So, he drank more.

We arrived to the game hall and though we were in the cold of NY winter, he asked if we could wait outside, so that he could finish his drink before going in. He mentioned that he didn’t want to buy drinks inside. I waited with him as he proceeded to finish the bottle of whiskey and coke. By the time we entered the game hall, my date was drunk.

We played a round of ping pong. He was terrible because he was drunk! He slammed the ball down like it was actual tennis and lost all sense of manners. Later, he played tennis with a random guy as I watched with the random guy’s date and thought to myself, “what a terrible date.” He did end up buying drinks for himself on top of the pre-gaming he did too.

When the date ended, I had to help him walk and figure out where we were going, as he was no use at that point.

The worst part was, he thought the date went perfectly! He proceeded to try to kiss me when I was ready for the hug! One sneaky kiss and I said, “ok...have a good evening.”

That was the last of Whiskey Pants. Moral of the story...is there a moral to the story? This is just dating in New York!