Thursday, 20 April 2017

Failing at motherhood

How did I get here? To the lowest point of being a Mother? To feel totally defeated and completely unsure of which way to turn?

I feel like this post has brewing for a few weeks but I feared judgement. I realise that I shouldn't, this is my space to let out moments in my life like this.

I want to shout it from the roof tops I NEED A BREAK! I can no longer remember who I was before I became a Mum. It has entirely consumed me and 99% of the time I wouldn't have it any other way. But I sit here after one of the toughest days I have experienced since becoming a Mum nearly five years ago feeling like I am totally failing.

I guess I should explain why. Anyone who personally knows me will be able to tell you just how much my children mean to me. They saved me from a very dark time in my life, they are a total gift. Like any Mother I do my absolute best to give them the whole world and to make sure they know how truly loved they are.

They are now nearly five and two years old and these ages are the toughest I have experienced so far. The constant bickering, the not doing as they are asked. No form of discipline works with them anymore, we have tried everything. Charlie has become a classic toddler, doing everything he can to push his boundaries and that I can understand. Isabelle on the other hand has just pushed me to breaking point. The awful attitude (I dread what she will be like as a teenager) not doing as she is asked with the most simplest of thing's. Doing thing's which she knows are naughty over and over again which of course Charlie now copies. This is just the tip of the iceberg.

Why do I feel like I have failed? Because if I was a better Mum then maybe these things wouldn't be happening. Maybe they would listen or do as they are asked just once in a while. I see other children with their parents behaving or doing as they are asked and I just want that for one day. All I ever wanted was to be a Mother and the day I became one was the proudest moment of my life but I have this over whelming feeling that I'm just not doing a good enough job while at the same time not knowing how I can make things better.

I know that I am feeling it more because it's been half term and I was kind of prepared for it. Everyday is a struggle at the moment and when I see my husband for ten minutes before he goes to his second job and then do dinner/bedtime on my own it is beyond hard. He knows how I feel but at the same time like me he is doing what he has to for our family.

As I type this Charlie has come downstairs for the fourth time since being put to bed an hour ago and I just need some time to get over the day. The struggle could not be more real at the moment and I truly hope it passes soon because right now my best just doesn't feel enough.

6 comments:

You are so brace to post this on your blog! Please know that parenting is one of the hardest jobs in the world, and many of us feel like we're failing all the time. Including me.

Your kids are at very difficult ages. I have 4. 2 of them (ages 5 and 8) have become thick as thieves lately. They sneak around, break every rule I make, blatantly disobey me to my face--in public, which is humiliating. Last night, we were leaving an appointment. They had made a huge mess in the waiting room and refused to clean it up. I was ordering them to clean it, and they just ignored me and bolted out the door, along with my 2 year old, so I had to chase them. I picked up the 2 year old and put him in his car seat while the 2 little monkeys bounced around the parking lot, went in and out of the building, and made sure to show off their disobedience to every stranger who walked by.

I somehow convinced my older daughter (9 years old) to go back inside and clean up the mess they left. Then I told the 2 monsters that I was leaving and I hoped they'd come with me. When we got home it would be their bed time because they were clearly done for the day.

Somehow, that did the trick and they jumped in the van begging me to let them eat dinner when we got home. I told them they could, so long as they started behaving in a way in which I could stand to eat with them.

This is a typical evening for us. It wasn't just a one time thing. I feel like I'm falling as a mother all the time. Why can't I get these two to behave?

But here's the thing. This is normal. There is a broad spectrum of normal, and our kids are in the shit behavior end of it, but it's still normal.

Try to remember a few things: a lot of kids their age act this way. It's not because you're failing. It's because of their age.

2. Try to notice the good times. The bad ones feel so overwhelming that they're disguising your life to make it all seem bad. It's not. I guarantee you have good moments too.

3. If you keep your cool and handle it in a way that you're happy with, you did it right, even if it didn't work. Sometimes nothing works. And last...4. Read 1, 2, 3, Magic. It really is a simple, brilliant discipline system that works for almost everyone.

I think you can be the best mum in the world and still you'll never feel like you're doing right. Kids are hard, they're clever, manipulative and god damn difficult at times. YOu're doing fab simply because you recognise the feelings that it's bloody hard. That means you know their behaviour isn't right which means in turn you are doing your best to stop it. If you didn't recognise bad behaviour that would make you a bad mum. xx

Honey you are doing a brilliant job. it sounds like you just need a little r&r. Yes it is tough, but it does get easier, the little ones are just probably trying to test their limits. Kepp your chin up lady xx