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Tovey is the younger of two children, born to Carole Haynes (formerly Webb) and adopted by George Tovey, who run a Romford-based coach service taking passengers from Essex to Gatwick Airport. Tovey has an older brother, Daniel.[5] He grew up in Billericay, Essex,[6][7] and he attended Harold Court School in Harold Wood and Shenfield High School.[8] As a boy, Tovey said he "was an avid collector of various things and prone to participating in fads."[7] His parents supported his efforts, taking him to archeological digs and museums, buying him a metal detector, and going to conventions for mineralologists.[7] For a time he wanted to be a history teacher,[7] but after seeing Dead Poets Society, The Goonies, and Stand By Me, he decided to be an actor.[7] For a time during his teens, he worked as a kitchen assistant in Billericay's King's Head pub.

Tovey began his career as a child actor. He joined a local drama club, and garnered the attention of a talent agent.[6] He began acting when he was 11 years old, having to change his surname from Clunes, his father’s to his mother’s maiden name [7] featuring in television adverts for WHSmith and Heinz. He worked so steadily and missed so much school that his father suggested his acting career be cut back, but his mother convinced his father to let their son continue.[7] His TV career started in 1994, when he was cast in Mud, a children's series broadcast on CBBC.[6]

In 2004, he took the role of Rudge in Alan Bennett's play The History Boys at the Royal National Theatre as well as touring to Broadway, Sydney, Wellington and Hong Kong and playing the role in the radio and film adaptations.[9][10][11][12] He originally auditioned for the role of Crowther but agreed to act the part of Rudge after Bennett promised to beef up the role.[7] Insecure because he had not attended drama school like many of his peers, he enrolled in numerous workshops and readings offered by the National Theatre.[7]

In a 2008 interview in Attitude, Tovey expressed his desire to play darker roles: "really dark, fucked-up characters... like drag queens, rent boys, someone who has been abused, a rapist", though noting that he does not consider himself "fucked-up".[19]

In 2011, he became the voice over/narrator for the BBC Three show Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents and its spinoffs, which ran for five series up to July 2015. Tovey has narrated every episode aired.[35]

Tovey played Budgie, one of Gavin's friends, in the BBC comedy-drama Gavin & Stacey. In January 2012, he appeared in the British crime drama Sherlock, playing Henry Knight in the episode "The Hounds of Baskerville". He had a lead role in the ITV sitcom The Job Lot which aired in 2013 and is set in a busy unemployment bureau in the West Midlands.[36]

In 2013, Tovey signed on to appear in the American television series Looking, about a group of gay friends living in San Francisco.[37] Its 8-episode first season broadcast on HBO in 2014. Tovey was promoted to series regular for the second season.[38]

In 2015, Tovey starred in Banished, a historical drama series written by Jimmy McGovern about a group of British convicts in Australia in the 18th century.[39]

In 2015 Tovey made his first of many live appearances for arts and entertainment company Pin Drop Studio, reading a short story to an audience followed by an interview by Simon Oldfield.

In 2016, Tovey was cast in the ABC network thriller drama Quantico for the series regular role of Harry Doyle.[4]

Tovey is also an author, playwright and screenwriter. He has written three plays (all unperformed as of August 2010), and one of his short stories was published in women's magazine Company.[5] He also wrote a short film, Victor, and as of August 2010 was seeking funding to produce the picture.[5]

During his adolescent years, Tovey's homosexuality caused friction within his family.[19] Although he says he came out to himself when he was 15 or 16, he came out to his parents when he was 18.[7] Tovey and his father subsequently had a falling out, with his father suggesting that, had he known earlier, he would have asked Tovey to take hormones or undergo some other medical treatment to "fix the problem".[7] Tovey says his parents were deeply concerned about the possibility he might contract HIV, which might have contributed to the falling out.[7] The birth of Tovey's nephew Nathan in October 2004 helped them mend their relationship.[7]

In 2015, Tovey was the subject of public criticism from the LGBT+ press regarding comments he made about effeminate gay men.[43] In his interview with Tom Lamont of The Observer, the actor stated that his schooling made him feel as though he "had to toughen up", going on to say "If I'd have been able to relax, prance around and sing in the street, I might be a different person now."[44] Much of the criticism centred on what was perceived to be a passive criticism of effeminate gay men, with Tovey saying that "I thank my dad for that, for not allowing me to go down the path."[44] Tovey later apologised for the remarks and suggested they did not reflect his views.[43]

Tovey was reported to be dating rugby coach Steve Brockman from early 2016. They became engaged in February 2018 but separated in June of the same year.[45]