BREAKING NEWS: British sailing team enlists falcon!

With the untimely demise of Paul the Psychic Octopus earlier this week, the nation has been eagerly awaiting a new sporting delegate from the animal kingdom. That short wait is now over.

The British sailing team's latest recruit is a real 'high-flyer', and while many would argue that he's 'winged it' slightly, this 'talon-ted' athlete is certain to be climbing up the 'pecking order' in no time.

"What", you're probably asking yourselves, "is with all the piss-weak bird puns?". Well, they're to celebrate the fact that Felix - the majestic peregrine falcon pictured above - has been appointed as an honorary member of Skandia Team GBR!

Felix - who can now count Olympic gold medallists Ben Ainslie and Iain Percy among his close colleagues - was initially employed by the British sailing outfit to scare away the seagulls whose incessant squawking and defecating was damaging the crew's sleep patterns and equipment during training.

However, he proved so effective as an avian bouncer that the squad have decided to bring him in for two weeks ahead of every major competition at the Weymouth and Portland sailing venue, to guard the skies and keep the pesky 'gulls at bay.

And if his good work continues, Felix may even be joining the Skandia crew at the 2012 Olympics. But, like everyone else, the plucky bird of prey will have to earn his place.

"Felix will have his work cut out to ensure the sailors' sleep isn't disturbed", says Manager Stephen Park. "If he does his job well his place on the team is assured".

Here's hoping that Felix passes the test with 'flying' colours! (Sorry, that's the last one).