Feeling bad about needing constant reassurance

Midnight.Panda

Well-known member

I worry an excessive amount and no matter how much someone tries to cheer me up, I can’t stop worrying. The negative feelings are just overflowing so the only way I can let them out is to verbally express myself. I only have a few close friends, but they seem to get angry at me because I need constant reassurance. I mean, I don’t blame them (even though they accused me of trying to make them “the bad guy”). I mean, I am not going to just stop worrying if they tell me to just stop worrying. I just had a fight with my close friend about this. I can’t help that I feel the way I do. I can’t help that I need constant reassurance. And I can’t help that I won’t stop worrying and bringing up the same thing over and over again even though they’ve tried to help me.

And now my friend has just started ignoring me when I go on these negative tangents. They get mad when I keep saying negative things when I am anxious. I just can’t help that I am that way... Again, I put no blame on anyone except for myself. My constant need to be reassured, my excessive worrying, and my anger issues make life a living hell for me.

After the fight with my friend, I am lying on my bed and crying, but feeling pretty numb. I don’t feel like I can do anything. I am not motivated to get up and eat or shower or finish the work that’s due tomorrow. I find myself on this bed with these feelings very frequently, and sometimes for small reasons that shouldn’t make me feel as terrible as they do.

I have never self-harmed before, but I often feel like I need to punish myself. The intensity of my suicidal ideation also drastically spikes in moments like these. I don’t feel like I am alive anymore. I feel like I am some kind of burden. A dependent and unwanted person who can’t survive on their own.

I feel like I can’t trust anyone anymore. Not my family or my friends. There just isn’t a person I feel like I can turn to anymore because they won’t understand or they’ll get angry at me.

I don’t want to feel this way, but I do. I just don’t look forward to anything in life anymore. Not with the way I am and the way I end up clinging to people because I am scared they will leave me. And I think they will leave me, because they’ll get annoyed and tired of trying to reassure me.

Sometimes I feel so strong and on top of the world, but other times I’ll be rock bottom like right now. I am not looking forward to the rest of my life if this is how it’s going to be. The smallest problems keep hitting me like a tsunami and make me feel like hurting myself.

Am I at fault for putting my friends through this? I know it’s giving them a hard time too. Maybe I shouldn’t have friends and should go back to being a loner that everyone ignores.

Drooo

Well-known member

You're in a tough situation because if you're young (which I am assuming you are given that you said you have 'work' to do for tomorrow, which I'm guessing is school/college work?). Most adults don't understand mental illnesses so you kind of can't expect kids to, some will, but most won't, not yet. I know I wouldn't have done before it first hit me at 17 years old.

So yes, number one, you have to understand that they might not understand and that it might seem a bit much for them. That's not a reason to shut down and not speak ever again, just that you might have to be a bit more aware of when you are doing it and what you are saying.
And number two, you can try to help matters by learning of ways to deal with these insecurities so that you aren't constantly putting them on other people, because they will inevitably get tired of it in the end, that's just human nature.
Take a look around this website. Problems - Getselfhelp.co.uk There's lots of helpful information regarding a whole host of problems and it has things for you to work through, worksheets and so on. I found it useful, hopefully you will too.

P.S: don't harm yourself. Take it from me as someone that did it quite badly in my younger years - you will regret it for the rest of your days. Again, there is info on that site about those kinds of thoughts and feelings.

Drooo

Well-known member

Oh, and if you haven't done so already it would perhaps be a good idea to talk to your doctor about this and perhaps get some counselling underway, maybe even medication, but certainly to have an initial assessment about your mental health and an airing of your problems.

Midnight.Panda

Well-known member

I am 20-years-old, which I guess would be considered young (I feel pretty old though). I am in university and I am far from my parents, though I still rely on them financially. Yeah, it's pretty tricky and the issue with my parents and my mental health would probably need a thread of its own. There's honestly so much attacking me at the same time that I could write a whole novel about my problems and feelings.

I do realize that they're human too and that that I've been relying on them too much. It's a terrible situation for everyone to be in. I know that I can come up to them, but I've just become afraid of making too much of a fuss now.
Thank you for the link, I'll be sure to check it out. I'll try to work more on self-help, though it hasn't really worked for me in the past. The main problem is that I become unmotivated to do anything, and it almost seems like I encourage some of my negative feelings at times. Maybe because it feels easier to give up than to fight? It's not something I am proud of. I am looking into meditation at the moment.

And I wouldn't actually hurt myself intentionally. The most I've done is mild harming or use pens and highlighters to draw on myself. It does get hard though when all these intrusive thoughts about harming myself come at me and I don't always want to think about it.

I do have a therapist, but I've only had 2 sessions so far. I can't see them very frequently because I can't afford getting a lot of sessions in and I can get very busy with uni so there's also a time issue. They do something called schema therapy, though I think I should get a formal assessment in terms of getting a proper diagnosis.

It's honestly all a tangled mess, but I think I am able to stay above it all for the most part. I hate being a downer because I feel like I whine too much. I wish I could be this happy person that could help everyone all the time, you know? I guess it's all a work in progress. Thanks for replying back to me.

Cazcat

Well-known member

I am 20-years-old, which I guess would be considered young (I feel pretty old though). I am in university and I am far from my parents, though I still rely on them financially. Yeah, it's pretty tricky and the issue with my parents and my mental health would probably need a thread of its own. There's honestly so much attacking me at the same time that I could write a whole novel about my problems and feelings.

My mental health was pretty bad at that age too, when I was at uni. I found support from my personal tutor and counselling through the universities student services (which was free) very helpful. I also found medication from my GP helpful. Some of my friends were great, but others couldn't cope with me and we ended up falling out due to this. In my early 20s I felt like I was just pretending to be an adult and at some point someone would find me out. It took until my mid-late 20s to start to feel I could cope with adult life.

And I wouldn't actually hurt myself intentionally. The most I've done mild harming or use pens and highlighters to draw on myself. It does get hard though when all these intrusive thoughts about harming myself come at me and I don't always want to think about it.

I also struggle with urges to self harm when my stress/distress levels are high. I spoke to a CPN about it and he explained that it was a maladaptive coping strategy, a symptom of the problem rather than a problem in itself. I have learned that when I get these thoughts it is a sign that I need to reduce my stress levels. Have you got any other coping strategies? I find knitting, swimming and arts and crafts really help me.

I do have a therapist, but I've only had 2 sessions so far. I can't see them very frequently because I can't afford getting a lot of sessions in and I can get very busy with uni so there's also a time issue. They do something called schema therapy, though I think I should get a formal assessment in terms of getting a proper diagnosis.

It's good that you are having some therapy, speak to the university about this as they may allow you time out for appointments and also extensions on work to reduce the pressure on you. I was allowed time off my placements to attend therapy appointments, my clinical educator was not told the reason for this. I also had extensions given on work and my GP wrote a letter to the exam board asking for my mental health problems to be taken into account when grading me. I came out with a 2:1 in the end which I was happy with, even though my dissertation only just scraped a pass

It's honestly all a tangled mess, but I think I am able to stay above it all for the most part. I hate being a downer because I feel like I whine too much. I wish I could be this happy person that could help everyone all the time, you know? I guess it's all a work in progress. Thanks for replying back to me.

No one is happy and helpful all the time, we all have our down spells and mental health problems exacerbate this. Remember you are not alone, they are now saying 1in3 people have mental health problems, but I think it's much higher personally. I am certain this will not be the first time your university has supported students with mental health problems. For that matter I've supported many students with mental health problems whilst on placement and I don't have that much student contact compared to the tutors.

Midnight.Panda

Well-known member

My mental health was pretty bad at that age too, when I was at uni. I found support from my personal tutor and counselling through the universities student services (which was free) very helpful. I also found medication from my GP helpful. Some of my friends were great, but others couldn't cope with me and we ended up falling out due to this. In my early 20s I felt like I was just pretending to be an adult and at some point someone would find me out. It took until my mid-late 20s to start to feel I could cope with adult life.

It sucks because everyone just expects you to be an adult as soon as you graduate highschool. But I have no idea what I am doing. I can hardly take care of myself and I think I'd be dead without my roommate reminding me about eating or telling me how someone would normally react in a social situation. I am hoping my situation will improve with time, because things are not looking so good right now. I am especially scared of falling out with friends over this because I don't have many people in my life and it's so hard for me to make friends. I am so socially awkward and I never know what to say to people. I am trying to work on this though and I have gotten a little better, but I am still ashamed I have communication skills worse than a 4-year-old.

I also struggle with urges to self harm when my stress/distress levels are high. I spoke to a CPN about it and he explained that it was a maladaptive coping strategy, a symptom of the problem rather than a problem in itself. I have learned that when I get these thoughts it is a sign that I need to reduce my stress levels. Have you got any other coping strategies? I find knitting, swimming and arts and crafts really help me.

I have terrible coping strategies. My go to is to usually crawl into my bed and try to sleep it off. Sometimes I'll just try to end the whole day right then and there by forcing myself to stay in bed until the next day. It's terrible because I don't get things done and it makes things worse. I used to swim and write poetry, but I just lost all motivation and interest. At the very least, I have been going to the gym more recently which has been helping a bit.

It's good that you are having some therapy, speak to the university about this as they may allow you time out for appointments and also extensions on work to reduce the pressure on you. I was allowed time off my placements to attend therapy appointments, my clinical educator was not told the reason for this. I also had extensions given on work and my GP wrote a letter to the exam board asking for my mental health problems to be taken into account when grading me. I came out with a 2:1 in the end which I was happy with, even though my dissertation only just scraped a pass

I haven't quite reached my clinical years yet, so I'd just have to sacrifice missing lectures to go to these sessions. The issue is that most of my modules have a 100% final exam, so it's really all about using my time to study (and oh boy, there's a lot to study). I haven't been clinically diagnosed, but I feel that I am relatively high functioning. I wonder if the exam board would accept the letter for my case. I've heard that a classmate of mine with depression got rejected for consideration. This resulted in failing a class and having to repeat the exam last minute which was very stressful.
And hey, that's awesome I just hope I pass the next semester

No one is happy and helpful all the time, we all have our down spells and mental health problems exacerbate this. Remember you are not alone, they are now saying 1in3 people have mental health problems, but I think it's much higher personally. I am certain this will not be the first time your university has supported students with mental health problems. For that matter I've supported many students with mental health problems whilst on placement and I don't have that much student contact compared to the tutors.

It's easy to forget that there are so many people in the same boat as me. I know that there are a lot of people who try to hide their struggles. I've been surprised about finding out that the happiest looking person I knew was actually suicidal. It's weird that no one in my university is all that open about talking about these issues when the majority of us have a mental illness.
I am a bit hesitant to go to my university for help. There is a free counselling service, but the demand is so high that you'd be on the waiting list for half a year. There's even a waiting list for external counsellors. I am going to try and deal with my issues by myself (with my therapist) for now. I know some people have taken a year out to deal with their issues first, but I really don't want to take that option.

B

brightyellow

Active member

I used to be an overly anxious teen too. When I entered university, I told myself that I couldn't lean on others all the time too feel better. So I went around the campus with my made-up confidence, smiling at people and introducing myself first to everyone. It paid off, and the confidence became real. Maybe you can try that too.

Midnight.Panda

Well-known member

Like a “fake it ‘til you make it” attitude? The weird thing about me is that I am sometimes a bit egotistical (ex. Telling my friends how great I am etc) but then sometimes I am the exact opposite and I put myself down. It seems like I only work in extremes .-.

Cazcat

Well-known member

It sucks because everyone just expects you to be an adult as soon as you graduate highschool. But I have no idea what I am doing. I can hardly take care of myself and I think I'd be dead without my roommate reminding me about eating or telling me how someone would normally react in a social situation. I am hoping my situation will improve with time, because things are not looking so good right now. I am especially scared of falling out with friends over this because I don't have many people in my life and it's so hard for me to make friends. I am so socially awkward and I never know what to say to people. I am trying to work on this though and I have gotten a little better, but I am still ashamed I have communication skills worse than a 4-year-old.

When I was younger everyone else seemed to have the adult thing all worked out, then I got older and realised that none of us really do, we are all just pretending to and hoping no one notices we are making it up as we go along! Everyone's brains work differently and for some people learning to look after themselves is easier than others. I can't remember what mental illness you said you have. Depression can make having a shower into a mammoth task because it takes your motivation. My husband's psychosis also causes him problems remembering to eat and wash. There is a great book called "The Centre Can Not Hold " by Professor Elyn Saks where she explains the challenges she faces with personal care as part of her schizophrenia. I'm a very shy person by nature and have had to work hard at my social skills. Communication is vital in the medical profession (although I have worked with consultants with very poor social skills so it's not a complete barrier) I would suggest when you are feeling well enough looking at some volunteering maybe in the holidays somewhere like a care home, day centre or even hospital visiting/befriending service where you can practice just chatting to people and getting more comfortable with it. Older people are fab to chat to too as they have so much life experience to share and being comfortable chatting with older people will be very useful to you once you start your clinical work. Also no offense but, whilst you feel old at 20 and like you should have life worked out there will be plenty of older people who see you as a baby and don't expect you to at all. I've had junior Drs crying on my shoulder in the ward office and don't think any less of them for needing a hug and some support. Infact once you start clinical placements remember to be friendly to the ward staff and they will look after you. Experienced ward staff generally know more than a newly qualified Dr about a lot of things and will be your greatest asset if you keep them on side.

I have terrible coping strategies. My go to is to usually crawl into my bed and try to sleep it off. Sometimes I'll just try to end the whole day right then and there by forcing myself to stay in bed until the next day. It's terrible because I don't get things done and it makes things worse. I used to swim and write poetry, but I just lost all motivation and interest. At the very least, I have been going to the gym more recently which has been helping a bit.

I spent a large part of my final year at uni with the covers over my head. It got me through at the time, but is definately not the most useful strategy. Sometimes though it is all we can manage. Well done for getting to the gym, as I'm sure you know exercise is the bodies own antidepressant and really can be helpful. Set yourself little goals and don't beat yourself up if you have a day where you hide under the covers, we all have them.

I haven't quite reached my clinical years yet, so I'd just have to sacrifice missing lectures to go to these sessions. The issue is that most of my modules have a 100% final exam, so it's really all about using my time to study (and oh boy, there's a lot to study). I haven't been clinically diagnosed, but I feel that I am relatively high functioning. I wonder if the exam board would accept the letter for my case. I've heard that a classmate of mine with depression got rejected for consideration. This resulted in failing a class and having to repeat the exam last minute which was very stressful.

My advice would be to go and speak to your GP, get a diagnosis and if appropriate medication whilst you remain high functioning and before you collapse in a heap and start to fall behind with your studies. I'm sure the workload is intense, my guess is though that the better your mental health the easier it will be to study. I know that when my mental health is poor it significantly impacts on my concentration and memory (infact high levels of cortisol over a prolonged period of time cause atrophy of the hippocampus, and thus affect memory) What I'm trying to say is that taking some time out now to optimise your mental health may well benefit your studies in the long run. Also make sure that you take some regular breaks and balance your studies with activities that optimise your mental health, this is an investment in your health and not a waste of your time. I don't know if your uni will accept a Drs letter, it is likely looked at on an individual basis, but at least if there is a record with your GP of you seeing them if it comes to it the uni can see you are being proactive about managing your mental health rather than using it as an excuse at the last minute.

It's easy to forget that there are so many people in the same boat as me. I know that there are a lot of people who try to hide their struggles. I've been surprised about finding out that the happiest looking person I knew was actually suicidal. It's weird that no one in my university is all that open about talking about these issues when the majority of us have a mental illness.

That's is a reflection on how mental health is seen within wider community, it's improving gradually, but it is still something a lot of people don't feel comfortable talking about for fear of stigma. My view is that we all have mental health just as we all have physical health. I visualise it as a continuum with 'normal' at one end and serious mental illness at the other. We all sit somewhere on the line and move up and down it over time. I expect that these experiences will make you a better and more compassionate Dr in the future.

I am a bit hesitant to go to my university for help. There is a free counselling service, but the demand is so high that you'd be on the waiting list for half a year. There's even a waiting list for external counsellors. I am going to try and deal with my issues by myself (with my therapist) for now. I know some people have taken a year out to deal with their issues first, but I really don't want to take that option.

Most universities are well set up to support students with mental health problems these days as it is so common for students to have mental health problems and remember your lecturers are medics, there will be many who have experience in mental health. Think about which lecturers have backgrounds in psych or general practice as they will likely be used to supporting people with similar issues. The thing with waiting lists is that once you are on them you are working your way up them and if you still need the service in 6 months time you will then be at the top of the list rather the bottom. Also many services triage referrals by priority. I was told there would be a wait for my uni counselling, but in reality I was in such a mess they booked me straight in from my triage appointment. My suggestion is to start tackling this before you get to the point of needing to take a year out.

Midnight.Panda

Well-known member

When I was younger everyone else seemed to have the adult thing all worked out, then I got older and realised that none of us really do, we are all just pretending to and hoping no one notices we are making it up as we go along! Everyone's brains work differently and for some people learning to look after themselves is easier than others. I can't remember what mental illness you said you have. Depression can make having a shower into a mammoth task because it takes your motivation. My husband's psychosis also causes him problems remembering to eat and wash. There is a great book called "The Centre Can Not Hold " by Professor Elyn Saks where she explains the challenges she faces with personal care as part of her schizophrenia. I'm a very shy person by nature and have had to work hard at my social skills. Communication is vital in the medical profession (although I have worked with consultants with very poor social skills so it's not a complete barrier) I would suggest when you are feeling well enough looking at some volunteering maybe in the holidays somewhere like a care home, day centre or even hospital visiting/befriending service where you can practice just chatting to people and getting more comfortable with it. Older people are fab to chat to too as they have so much life experience to share and being comfortable chatting with older people will be very useful to you once you start your clinical work. Also no offense but, whilst you feel old at 20 and like you should have life worked out there will be plenty of older people who see you as a baby and don't expect you to at all. I've had junior Drs crying on my shoulder in the ward office and don't think any less of them for needing a hug and some support. Infact once you start clinical placements remember to be friendly to the ward staff and they will look after you. Experienced ward staff generally know more than a newly qualified Dr about a lot of things and will be your greatest asset if you keep them on side.

I guess everyone does start from somewhere. I just wonder when I'll reach a point where I can say I have it all figured out. I am a little reluctant to list mental illnesses since I haven't been formally diagnosed (except for relocational depression diagnosed years ago). But I think I have social anxiety and I do experience frequent low moods. I'd say I sometimes experience periods of depression, but I don't think I have depression itself (think I am slowly getting there though). Thanks, I'll add the book to my list of things I need to check out.
I am terrified that I'd make a bad doctor because I get anxious and awkward, and I don't always know what's socially acceptable. That's a really good suggestion that I didn't consider. If I find any time, I'll look into a volunteer position. It'd be difficult since I have to dedicate holidays for studying for board exams and observerships/research. I'll figure something out.
I hope I get to meet other people as kind and understanding as you when I become a junior doctor. I feel like I'd be crying every week haha. I am terrified but looking forward to clinical placements. It seems like I fluctuate a lot between being hopeful and not looking forward to anything

I spent a large part of my final year at uni with the covers over my head. It got me through at the time, but is definately not the most useful strategy. Sometimes though it is all we can manage. Well done for getting to the gym, as I'm sure you know exercise is the bodies own antidepressant and really can be helpful. Set yourself little goals and don't beat yourself up if you have a day where you hide under the covers, we all have them.

I am going to the gym again tomorrow, and I am going to try and do it more regularly. It's definitely helping me with my body image. I think I'll be kept too busy to break down once the next semester starts..

My advice would be to go and speak to your GP, get a diagnosis and if appropriate medication whilst you remain high functioning and before you collapse in a heap and start to fall behind with your studies. I'm sure the workload is intense, my guess is though that the better your mental health the easier it will be to study. I know that when my mental health is poor it significantly impacts on my concentration and memory (infact high levels of cortisol over a prolonged period of time cause atrophy of the hippocampus, and thus affect memory) What I'm trying to say is that taking some time out now to optimise your mental health may well benefit your studies in the long run. Also make sure that you take some regular breaks and balance your studies with activities that optimise your mental health, this is an investment in your health and not a waste of your time. I don't know if your uni will accept a Drs letter, it is likely looked at on an individual basis, but at least if there is a record with your GP of you seeing them if it comes to it the uni can see you are being proactive about managing your mental health rather than using it as an excuse at the last minute.

I have been noticing how terrible my memory has been getting this year. My friends have noticed too. It sometimes takes me awhile to remember what I did two days ago or a conversation I had in the morning. I am planning on bringing all of this up to my parents first. I feel like my family is a barrier in all of this right now since I just have this fear of them finding out that I am unhappy. And the healthcare back home is free, while I'd have to pay a lot when I am back in school.

That's is a reflection on how mental health is seen within wider community, it's improving gradually, but it is still something a lot of people don't feel comfortable talking about for fear of stigma. My view is that we all have mental health just as we all have physical health. I visualise it as a continuum with 'normal' at one end and serious mental illness at the other. We all sit somewhere on the line and move up and down it over time. I expect that these experiences will make you a better and more compassionate Dr in the future.

I am just glad I am not living in the country my parents were born in where the stigma is much worse. I've become more vocal about mental health on social media and I am hoping that by sharing some of my experiences, it might help other students in my spot. I've had two people come up to me before and it was actually really nice. I just wish I could talk about my feelings without making everyone feel uncomfortable. I guess there's a time and a place for everything? And thanks Caz. I hope these experiences ultimately lead to something good later on.

Most universities are well set up to support students with mental health problems these days as it is so common for students to have mental health problems and remember your lecturers are medics, there will be many who have experience in mental health. Think about which lecturers have backgrounds in psych or general practice as they will likely be used to supporting people with similar issues. The thing with waiting lists is that once you are on them you are working your way up them and if you still need the service in 6 months time you will then be at the top of the list rather the bottom. Also many services triage referrals by priority. I was told there would be a wait for my uni counselling, but in reality I was in such a mess they booked me straight in from my triage appointment. My suggestion is to start tackling this before you get to the point of needing to take a year out.

Would it be appropriate to go up to a lecturer about this? There's one doctor that I think I'd want to talk to, but he can sometimes be intimidating. The service at my uni does do priority sessions, but I don't think my case is severe enough to be considered priority. Do you know if Pieta House might be a good place to turn to?

brightyellow

Active member

Like a “fake it ‘til you make it” attitude? The weird thing about me is that I am sometimes a bit egotistical (ex. Telling my friends how great I am etc) but then sometimes I am the exact opposite and I put myself down. It seems like I only work in extremes .-.

Yes, the same attitude with a bit of sass, if you know what i mean.
You can straighten your back, meet people in the eyes, and be more open without sounding egotistical too. Let them see your awesome factors.

It won't hurt to practice the night before how you'll talk and what your facial expression should look like.

Cazcat

Well-known member

I guess everyone does start from somewhere. I just wonder when I'll reach a point where I can say I have it all figured out. I am a little reluctant to list mental illnesses since I haven't been formally diagnosed (except for relocational depression diagnosed years ago). But I think I have social anxiety and I do experience frequent low moods. I'd say I sometimes experience periods of depression, but I don't think I have depression itself (think I am slowly getting there though). Thanks, I'll add the book to my list of things I need to check out.

I'm really not convinced that anyone has it all worked out. As we age we have more experiences to draw on, but we can never know everything. I think what happens as we get older is that we become more comfortable with not knowing it all and realise that it's OK to ask for help. I do think that it's worth getting a diagnosis, particularly if your mental health is affecting your studies as this will give you more strength in getting support from the Uni. I worried that a mental health diagnosis would impact on my career, but it never has. My GP was happy to sign me off as mentally fit to practice.

Personally I think the book I mentioned should be required reading for everyone working in mental health.

I am terrified that I'd make a bad doctor because I get anxious and awkward, and I don't always know what's socially acceptable. That's a really good suggestion that I didn't consider. If I find any time, I'll look into a volunteer position. It'd be difficult since I have to dedicate holidays for studying for board exams and observerships/research. I'll figure something out.

To some extent normal social rules don't always apply in acute medicine as you are not in a normal social situation. I always think when I've got someone in front of me who is frightened/in pain/embarrassed, how would I want someone to respond to me in this situation. The other thing I find is that it is easier to be assertive on behalf of my patients than myself. At work I am confident and assertive, but on a work night out I'm still a complete fish out of water Any volunteering you do doesn't need to be a huge time commitment, it could be a hour a week or even an hour a month.

I hope I get to meet other people as kind and understanding as you when I become a junior doctor. I feel like I'd be crying every week haha. I am terrified but looking forward to clinical placements. It seems like I fluctuate a lot between being hopeful and not looking forward to anything

Thank you, remember people go into healthcare because they are caring people. Of course there are always a few we don't get on with, but generally healthcare staff are nice people, who care about their patients and colleagues. Smile, take time to join in occasional chit chat, be polite and respectful and maybe even offer to make staff a cup of tea occasionally and you will be fine. The biggest thing is to say thank you and show appreciation to the other staff, that goes a long way. Remember, we have seen a lot of junior Drs come through our areas and are used to them being nervous and clueless to begin with, if you are friendly to the ward staff they will take you under their wing.

I am going to the gym again tomorrow, and I am going to try and do it more regularly. It's definitely helping me with my body image. I think I'll be kept too busy to break down once the next semester starts..

That's great, starting to feel better about yourself a good step. And those endorphins help too.

Don't fool yourself that you can ever be too busy to have a breakdown! Adrenaline certainly can get you so far, I survived on it for years, but I'm paying the price now. It creeps up on you, you think you are coping until it hits you that you really are not.

I have been noticing how terrible my memory has been getting this year. My friends have noticed too. It sometimes takes me awhile to remember what I did two days ago or a conversation I had in the morning. I am planning on bringing all of this up to my parents first. I feel like my family is a barrier in all of this right now since I just have this fear of them finding out that I am unhappy. And the healthcare back home is free, while I'd have to pay a lot when I am back in school.

Family support is always good, I take it you are not in the UK as you talk about having to pay, I think asking for your family support is a good idea though.

Would it be appropriate to go up to a lecturer about this? There's one doctor that I think I'd want to talk to, but he can sometimes be intimidating. The service at my uni does do priority sessions, but I don't think my case is severe enough to be considered priority. Do you know if Pieta House might be a good place to turn to?

I think that talking to a lecturer is a good idea, firstly they may know of services locally that would be helpful, secondly they may be able to support you better with your studies. Remember, they have all been medical students themselves and have supported numerous students since. I bet you won't be the first to struggle with mental health. Remember Drs become Drs because they want to help people. I've not heard of Pieta House, sorry.

Clayjars

Member

There are some people who can shake of worries and seem undaunted by uncertainties in life, where as I tend to be a worrywart. I am a control freak and want things planned and controlled. The more I try to be in control of things outside of my influence, the more out of control my anxiety gets. Ironically, once I started to let go of control, I found myself able to handle challenges better and enjoy others more. What I had really feared was if I didn't fight for control, my life would fall apart. That didn't turn out to be true! In fact, by ceasing to be god, it got easier to accept my flaws and to learn to laugh at myself. There are still times I find myself with white knuckles hanging on for my dear life and I am only too thankful for the many reminders that it's okay to loosen the grip a little.

Midnight.Panda

Well-known member

I'm really not convinced that anyone has it all worked out. As we age we have more experiences to draw on, but we can never know everything. I think what happens as we get older is that we become more comfortable with not knowing it all and realise that it's OK to ask for help. I do think that it's worth getting a diagnosis, particularly if your mental health is affecting your studies as this will give you more strength in getting support from the Uni. I worried that a mental health diagnosis would impact on my career, but it never has. My GP was happy to sign me off as mentally fit to practice.

Personally I think the book I mentioned should be required reading for everyone working in mental health.

I just get freaked out if I don't know everything. I am not sure if that's my anxiety talking or if it's because I am young and inexperienced. I was put off from trying to get diagnosed before because a family member told me that there's nothing wrong with me and that I wanted a mental illness to get attention. I am at a point where I just don't care about their input anymore because this is ultimately my life and my mental health. I think that the fear of this affecting my career is slowly easing down now that I realize how terrible my mental health really is. I know there will always be stigma, but I think I am prepared to live with it if it means I can get better.

To some extent normal social rules don't always apply in acute medicine as you are not in a normal social situation. I always think when I've got someone in front of me who is frightened/in pain/embarrassed, how would I want someone to respond to me in this situation. The other thing I find is that it is easier to be assertive on behalf of my patients than myself. At work I am confident and assertive, but on a work night out I'm still a complete fish out of water Any volunteering you do doesn't need to be a huge time commitment, it could be a hour a week or even an hour a month.

Well, that's true. When it's work, you kind of know exactly what to say so there's no pressure on finding on a relatable topic. Maybe people won't mind how awkward I am if I do a good job otherwise? I think it's even worse when I am trying to be friends with other awkward people. That's double the amount of awkward!

Thank you, remember people go into healthcare because they are caring people. Of course there are always a few we don't get on with, but generally healthcare staff are nice people, who care about their patients and colleagues. Smile, take time to join in occasional chit chat, be polite and respectful and maybe even offer to make staff a cup of tea occasionally and you will be fine. The biggest thing is to say thank you and show appreciation to the other staff, that goes a long way. Remember, we have seen a lot of junior Drs come through our areas and are used to them being nervous and clueless to begin with, if you are friendly to the ward staff they will take you under their wing.

Okay, got it I am sure I'll come across both bad and good eggs, but I am feeling a little better about it now. There'll always be that fear of being seen as incompetent, but I think it's just my mind playing tricks on me.

That's great, starting to feel better about yourself a good step. And those endorphins help too.

Don't fool yourself that you can ever be too busy to have a breakdown! Adrenaline certainly can get you so far, I survived on it for years, but I'm paying the price now. It creeps up on you, you think you are coping until it hits you that you really are not.

Family support is always good, I take it you are not in the UK as you talk about having to pay, I think asking for your family support is a good idea though.

I think that talking to a lecturer is a good idea, firstly they may know of services locally that would be helpful, secondly they may be able to support you better with your studies. Remember, they have all been medical students themselves and have supported numerous students since. I bet you won't be the first to struggle with mental health. Remember Drs become Drs because they want to help people. I've not heard of Pieta House, sorry.

I am in Ireland, and the healthcare is terrible here. My family is not always the most accepting, but having their help would really mean a lot to me.
When it comes to seeking help, I usually refrain from it because I often feel "normal" when I am in the public. Most of the depressive breakdowns happen when I am alone. I guess that's why I never have this strong urge to tell someone. And no worries -- I forgot to take into consideration our different locations.

Midnight.Panda

Well-known member

There are some people who can shake of worries and seem undaunted by uncertainties in life, where as I tend to be a worrywart. I am a control freak and want things planned and controlled. The more I try to be in control of things outside of my influence, the more out of control my anxiety gets. Ironically, once I started to let go of control, I found myself able to handle challenges better and enjoy others more. What I had really feared was if I didn't fight for control, my life would fall apart. That didn't turn out to be true! In fact, by ceasing to be god, it got easier to accept my flaws and to learn to laugh at myself. There are still times I find myself with white knuckles hanging on for my dear life and I am only too thankful for the many reminders that it's okay to loosen the grip a little.

Glad to see that I am not the only worrywart here! I panic if something doesn't go exactly as planned. I think that letting go of control is also something I need to work on. Were there any coping strategies that worked for you? Or was it just a matter of getting used to not being in control? I am usually told to just take a chill pill or something along those lines

None of us know everything, and that's OK, it's OK to not know things and to ask questions, that's how we learn.

I was put off from trying to get diagnosed before because a family member told me that there's nothing wrong with me and that I wanted a mental illness to get attention. I am at a point where I just don't care about their input anymore because this is ultimately my life and my mental health. I think that the fear of this affecting my career is slowly easing down now that I realize how terrible my mental health really is. I know there will always be stigma, but I think I am prepared to live with it if it means I can get better.

Good for you, I'm glad you are not going to let this family member stand in the way.

Well, that's true. When it's work, you kind of know exactly what to say so there's no pressure on finding on a relatable topic. Maybe people won't mind how awkward I am if I do a good job otherwise? I think it's even worse when I am trying to be friends with other awkward people. That's double the amount of awkward!

I bet a lot of people won't even notice your awkwardness, I think it always feels worse to us in the middle of it than to the people we are talking too. Competence, politeness and respect go a long way in the workplace.

Or preferably coping strategies and self care that will prevent a break down, be this medication, therapy, mindfulness, gym... whatever is going to allow you to cope with the stress that you are under.

When it comes to seeking help, I usually refrain from it because I often feel "normal" when I am in the public. Most of the depressive breakdowns happen when I am alone. I guess that's why I never have this strong urge to tell someone.

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