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I wanted to update everyone on my court appearance last week. Back info here http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=512043&HL=34533

First of all thanks to EVERYONE who said not to wear sweats. I ended up wearing my old dress that fit just fine due to surgery swollen body. I looked good. Flat motorcycle style boots. I was totally uncomfortable, but at least I looked good.

STBXH lawyer saw me come in and came and said we should talk before seeing the judge. OK. STBXH now has a job, makes maybe a bit more than before, but poor muffin has to commute 2 hours, get up early, may have to rent a room etc. So he will need some additional $ for that. Umm no. While we were married he traveled like that all the time for his job. She asks if I have made any $. I remind her I am self employed and just went into surgery. No $ coming in. Discussion over.

We finally get called up to the judge (about 2 hours after being there). Judge starts asking questions, and STBXH lawyer says that now he has a job, but they don't know how much $ I am making and he needs some concessions because the company is not paying his expenses like he thought. And his lawyer is mad because I have not given her a copy of my tax return. (I did bring a copy).

I told the judge that I would be more than happy for her to have a copy just as soon as she completes the Financial Statement that came with the notice of court hearing. I said it is not completely filled out and what is is inaccurate. (he put down he is making house payment, he is not I am, he put down he has DS 5% of the time. He does not. DS has spent 2 nights with him in 2 years).

The judge took a look at it and admonished her for not having complete file. Said it was highly unlikely that it would count as a notice because of the incompleteness of it. He said he would not rule on anything until it was completed. That we would have to schedule a long session. Lawyer said she could have it completed before 1:30 time, he said if we came back at 1:30 in agreement ok. Otherwise schedule a long session. Both parties said it would be hard for another date, STBXH because of job, me because I am supposed to be recoverying. Judge did not care.

Everyone left courtroom. I lagged behind STBXH & his lawyer. When I came out there was STBXH sitting outside the courtroom. I walked past him like he wasn't even there. He yelled my name. I looked at him with detachment and said "Don't talk to me, talk to your lawyer". And proceeded to get into elevator.

His lawyer called me (I was resting in my car) and said they wanted to continue the same amount, but because he did not get paid anything except unemployement they wanted to not pay for 1 month. I said no. She tried arguing. No. I said I would be back 15 minutes before session. We could talk then.

So back up I went after resting. Sat in a room with STBXH and his lawyer. They tried telling me how it was only 1 month. I said I get that, not my problem. STBXH had the nerve to say that I should be happy he got a job instead of just collecting unemployment. I looked at him and said that he could do whatever he wanted to do. That was on him. He said that when he ran the house and did not have a job he could make all the payments on $2000. So what, that's not why we are here. They kept saying its only 1 month. I kept telling them, no. I really think they thought I would roll over. NOT any more. Lawyer complained that it would be a hardship for STBXH to show up for another court date. I said not my problem. Lawyer said STBXH would have to call into court on that day, and it was very hard for lawyer to represent client when they are on the phone. I pointed out that was not my problem. Lawyer got all huffy and said guess we will get another court date. You betcha!

Got back in front of judge, said we couldn't come to terms and he gave us a court date. So in a couple of weeks I get to go to court again.

I have soooo many thoughts. First, it was awesome that I did not cry, did not shake and was a rock during the day. The fact that they tried to bully me just made me stronger. Had STBXH thought about maybe letting me know he lost his job (still don't know why) and would work something out with me, instead of the instant he lost his job run to his lawyer and court to reduce cs/ss I might have considered it. Not now. I am angry that he has to drag me back into court just 3 weeks after we reached a settlement agreement!

I enjoyed the comment from lawyer when realizing just because I didn't have a lawyer didn't mean I would roll over "you are quite capable". You betcha!

A little part of me hopes that I get more cs/ss due to the $ differences and the fact that I have DS 100% of the time. That would teach STBXH not to run to the courts the minute he has a problem!

And the best part of the day. While we sat in the courtroom for over 4 hours, I was not paying any lawyer to do it. STBXH was. He is so stupid. We are arguing over about $2,000. It cost him $500 every day he misses work. And figure he is paying his lawyer $300/hour. Bottom line, it would be cheaper to pay me!

Anyway at the end of it all, I walked out of there knowing that I will be just fine. I have my brain back, I have my feelings under control (still broken hearted, wish things were different) and STBXH has just released the Kracken!!!!

He has no idea what I am capable of.

The only bad part is that I am sure he thinks I am doing this because I am a "bitch", that I want all his money, and I am being spiteful because of what he has done. I don't think so, I just am not going to be a pushover like I have been in the past.

Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorced-Let my new beginning start

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen

Posts: 1063 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive

HurtsButImOK♀ 38865Member # 38865

Posted: 12:05 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013

What an incredible show of strength, well done. You rock!

Stand tall and be proud.

And ((hugs)) cause this shit is still hard.

Me: Awesome - 35.... ummm, not anymore

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou

Posts: 759 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia

ajsmom♀ 17460Member # 17460

Posted: 12:06 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013

You rock.

AJ's MOM

Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
One AMAZING DS - 34

And the best part of the day. While we sat in the courtroom for over 4 hours, I was not paying any lawyer to do it. STBXH was. He is so stupid. We are arguing over about $2,000. It cost him $500 every day he misses work. And figure he is paying his lawyer $300/hour. Bottom line, it would be cheaper to pay me!

If the attorney brings up this hardship, I would point out that he has the $ to pay an attorney but can't pay what he was ordered to pay.

Posts: 54405 | Registered: Jun 2007

GabyBaby♀ 26928Member # 26928

Posted: 12:15 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013

Way to go!!

Me - 45
DD(24), DS(21, PDD-NOS)

WH#2 (SorryinSac)- Killed himself (May 2015) in our home 6 days after being served divorce docs.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).

We are arguing over about $2,000. It cost him $500 every day he misses work. And figure he is paying his lawyer $300/hour. Bottom line, it would be cheaper to pay me!

Proof he is an idiot and it is NOT about the money - it is about winning. Surely his lawyer isn't going to point this out to him. Complaining about his hardship while he's shelling out good $ for a lawyer for this? Shameful.

The only bad part is that I am sure he thinks I am doing this because I am a "bitch", that I want all his money, and I am being spiteful because of what he has done.

That isn't a bad part. Who cares what he thinks of you. His fine opinion (or not) of you is, as you said repeatedly - not your problem.

Good for you for standing strong. I can't believe how many time they expected YOU to have compassion and empathy for HIM. That's just gross.

Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.

"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink

Posts: 3679 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Midwest

Pass♂ 38122Member # 38122

Posted: 2:19 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013

Must Survive: You are fierce, and have every right to be proud of how you handled yourself.

Me: 1970
Two sons: 2000 and 2003
Cheating louse: What's her name again?

Married Aug/95
DDay Nov/12
Separated Mar/13
Finally divorced Jul/17

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous!

Posts: 3554 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada

dmari♀ 37215Member # 37215

Posted: 2:19 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013

I am so proud of you!! Today, you are my hero!

Posts: 2868 | Registered: Oct 2012

hexed♀ 19258Member # 19258

Posted: 3:28 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013

you are awesome. screw the Kracken..it would be lost in the shadow of your determination and fierceness

But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler

Posts: 9596 | Registered: Apr 2008

tesla♀ 34697Member # 34697

Posted: 5:10 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013

What an awesome update!!!

"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4962 | Registered: Jan 2012

peridot♀ 18334Member # 18334

Posted: 6:05 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013

You are awesome!!!!

I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.

Posts: 4937 | Registered: Feb 2008

twinkie♀ 29203Member # 29203

Posted: 6:52 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013

Awesome!! Sorry that you have to go back to court but it is an awesome update!! Let the judge slap his hand!!

Twinkie

Posts: 1069 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas

Chrysalis123♀ 27148Member # 27148

Posted: 7:36 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013

Can someone tell me where the standing ovation button is?????

Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver

Posts: 4560 | Registered: Jan 2010

PurpleRose♀ 33129Member # 33129

Posted: 7:42 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013

this is GREAT!!!

I'm so glad you put your bitch coots on and took care of business. Good job.

The only bad part is that I am sure he thinks I am doing this because I am a "bitch", that I want all his money, and I am being spiteful because of what he has done. I don't think so, I just am not going to be a pushover like I have been in the past.

yeah yeah yeah.. I've heard all that too. Who cares? I'm not going to be a pushover either - we can stand strong together!

divorced the Dooosh 8/13
*****************************
Dance like nobody is watching,
Text and email like it will be used in court someday...