Size Matters

I’ve been hearing a lot about the fat acceptance movement. Many people are touting it, and it seems that if you suggest that many people in the United States (and elsewhere, especially in the Western world) are overweight and that it’s a bad thing overall, it makes you a discriminatory, judgmental jerk.

And when I think about the fat acceptance movement, I am filled with an overwhelming split personality about it. I think it’s great. And I think it’s stupid as hell.

Fittingly, this could make me hated by a whole slew of people and praised by others, but let me explain a bit more because I think I’m bringing a balanced and sane look at things.

My biggest problem with “fat acceptance” is the number of people who say things like, “Sure I’m 300 (or 400 or 500) pounds but that’s my natural weight” or “Being overweight isn’t being unhealthy.”

I call bullshit on both lines of thinking.

First, there is nothing natural about being very overweight. It is not the natural state of the human body to be in a state of putting strain on bones and joints by the mere act of standing, nor to have significantly messed-up blood sugar levels, cholesterol levels and the like. Sure, the average American is overweight, but that doesn’t make it natural or proper. It may be “normal” to some degree now, but that’s a measure of how much crap like corn syrup is in so many foods, how reliant we are on driving, how little exercise we get, how convenience foods are loaded with fat and salt, and so on.

Even in that environment, though, we can typically make choices. It’s just that we don't choose the right path very often. I’m guilty of this as well, and have the potbelly to show for it. It’s modest size now, but it shouldn’t be there at all.

Second...well, I guess I’ve already handled the “second” part in my rant above, because I was going to say that being overweight does tend to be unhealthy.

Now, none of this means that I think overweight folks should be ridiculed, shamed, abused, insulted or anything else. “Fat” people should be accepted and embraced (literally or figuratively). But the state of being fat isn’t something I’m willing to accept as something that is right and proper. If it works for YOU, great, but don't make it out to be a normal condition that we should cheer people toward achieving or even maintaining.

Let me give you an analogy.

Smoking isn’t natural. And it isn’t healthy. People do it, though. I don’t think they should be shamed and marginalized, either (even though, sadly, that’s pretty much what’s happened in recent decades). It would be ridiculous to promote a “smoking acceptance” movement (though I’d like to see people stop trying to make every damn space in the world non-smoking ... we’re adults; let us make our choices and let us have the vices we desire).

The fact is that smoking is a choice. It can be a terrible choice or an OK choice (depending on your health status and how much of it you do). But it’s never going to be a good choice. Same with being overweight.

Maybe part of the reason for the fat acceptance movement is that people who are overweight realize on some level how much we’ve dehumanized and demonized smokers and blamed them for every health problem under the sun. Maybe overweight folks realize they are the next-most-likely target of the Nanny State and the Health Nazis who keep taking away our ability to make grown-up decisions and enjoy life even when that enjoyment comes at a cost.

To the people who promote “fat acceptance” from the standpoint of the individual people—that is, they want others to accept people for who they are and not abuse them because they’re not the way you think they should be—well, bravo! I agree.

Fat people should not be made the butt of jokes and discriminated against, but that’s different from a lot of what I hear, with people trying to make out like being overweight is no big deal and we shouldn’t ever have to consider whether it’s a good choice. Educating people about the downfalls of obesity is something that should happen, just as people should be told the risks of smoking, or drinking too much, or tanning or whatever.

So, to make it clear: I applaud any overweight person who is comfortable in their skin; it’s the promotion of being fat that I find repulsive, just as I would find it repulsive to promote smoking as a wonderful choice in life – and I say that as a person with a smoking fetish.
This is the point at which some people reading this might say, “Great, that’s like the ‘love the sinner but hate the sin’ mode of thinking. You tolerate people who are heavy but you don’t truly accept them.”

Not true at all. To be honest, as my wife and I try to move toward an open marriage and consensual non-monogamy, some of the women in our circles I see as attractive and whom I wouldn’t mind sharing some intimate time are not exactly svelte. One is packing a few extra pounds, and another is very much Rubenesque. Some might say rotund or fat. I think she’s cute and sexy as hell, though.

That’s because she looks good the way she looks (some people do look better heavy), she dresses in a way that flatters her round figure, and she’s got a fantastic and winning personality.

To me, sexy isn’t about a certain “type.” Sure, I’ll tend to find average – or only slightly-above-average-weight women more attractive overall. That's because a lot of people when they gain a lot of weight don’t do so in a cute way. Or they dress and groom in ways that accentuate their weight in a unflattering manner.

Bottom line: If you want to be heavy, go for it. Don’t be shamed into losing weight because other people think you should.

Similarly, if you don’t want to be overweight or your health is suffering for it, don’t let people on a fat acceptance kick convince you that you should keep all that weight because it’s “natural” or because losing weight means you’re caving into society’s expectations.

In short, be yourself.

If you do that, you’re going to be sexy to someone. The more you like yourself—whether thin, fat or in-between—the more sexy that you’re going to radiate. And that will draw people to you as friends and sometimes as lovers.

Size matters, folks. It doesn’t define you and it shouldn’t be a be-all/end-all issue. But it does matter. The key is to figure out how it matters to you and what you want to be. Then figure out how to be the best (and possibly even best-looking) person you can be within the confines of that decision and the body type you choose.

It’s not about FAT acceptance and it never should be.

It’s about accepting other PEOPLE as they are and respecting that, and letting them make their own choices, without massive peer pressure from either side.

Comments

I just wanted to say: Thank you for writing this article. I've had much the same thought process for quite a long time now, but could never be as eloquent about it as you are. Having been at both ends of the spectrum (just fourteen months ago I was morbidly obese, but have struggled and fought my way to a healthy weight) it's made it much clearer to me how individual the fat acceptance movement should be. As you say: if people feel that being overweight is something *they're* okay with, then fine, but I don't think it should be touted as something everyone should embrace. I've personally been accused of being a "traitor" to the fat acceptance movement, which still boggles my mind because, um, I was never a member of that movement in the first damn place.

So good on you for this article. I really enjoyed it. Great job!

03/26/2012

Natty

Smokedawg seems to be confusing feederism with fat acceptance. Feederism is a choice - i.e. I want to be fatter to be more attractive for my partner who is into fat chicks. And feederism does indeed revel in someone becoming fatter and fatter. Fat acceptance, however, is not about *choosing* to be fat. Indeed it's about acknowledging *what is* and making that person the healthiest he or she can be with or without fat.

I do applaud his desire to accept those who are "chubby and cute," but if you are going to embrace the fat person you have to understand that fat people are fat-- not by choice but because that is who they are. Who their genes are. Who their neuroendocrine system is. In short, you must accept the fat if you are to accept the fat person.

Had Smokedawg done just a little research beyond watching "The Biggest Loser" he would find that his stereotype of a fat person with out-of-control blood sugar and semi-solid cholesterol-saturated blood is just that: a stereotype. Indeed he would have come across the Health At Every Size movement which focuses on exercise and healthy eating regardless of weight. The focus on losing weight is not only NOT effective (95% of people who lose weight will gain it back, often with 15lbs extra to boot), but can actually be unhealthy as people yo-yo diet (which just about every fat person around has done) and begin dieting at younger and younger ages (my first diet was at age 5; I am 6-12 inches shorter than all my siblings).

Fat people have always existed -- to which both your "Reubenesque" comment and pre-historic fertility goddess figurines attest. They will continue to exist. Some people are and will be fat because they make poor eating choices and don't exercise (to which the focus should be on poor eating choices and lack of exercise rather than body size). Some people are and will be fat because they are just fat, regardless of how much they exercise and how healthy they eat and how perfect their blood sugar and low their blood pressure and cholesterol are (as my own size, diet, blood sugar and pressure demonstrate). But at the end of the day, it is not size that should matter. The only reason it does matter is because our society has mistaken size as a way of measuring health when size is the wrong metric as well as mistaken size as a choice when very few fat people -- or short people or skinny people -- chose their body shape.

(P.S. I won't even get into smoking not being a choice for most smokers except to say that addiction is the antithesis of choice.)

@ Natty - Exactly. I am naturally built to be short, and plump. No matter how much I exercise, I am built like this (and my migraines seriously limit my ability to do anything high-impact, though I do walk a lot). I am also on medications that make weight easy to put on but difficult to put off, and in this case, it is more likely a hormonal/neurotransmitter thing than anything else. I eat a healthier diet and exercise more than my little sister, who is built like a twig. I also have a lot higher endurance than her. I may not be able to run a marathon, but I can hike all day and still have plenty of energy. Plus, my blood sugar and blood pressure are low normal. So while I'm probably stuck around 130-140lbs and 5'3", I'm healthy at that size, and I'm fine with it.

Great article. I am a big girl, and was working on loosing weight when I got pregnant so soon after 6 years on Depo (the shot to prevent pregnancy). So, while i have no health issues, I do want to loose weight for me, And now that I am pregnant that has to stop. But I will get back on the horse when I am recovered and able to after birth.

Accepting fat people is what is necessary, and I think that is the majority of peoples thoughts when they hear fat acceptance, not applauding being fat - but accepting people who are - either by choice, genetics, or whatever.

Please note that I made a point of focusing on people who are morbidly obese, not a "fluffy" as my wife might put it.

There is nothing healthy about being way overweight, and please don't assume I've researched based on "The Biggest Loser." I'm a healthcare and medical journalist with more than 15 years covering that field.

Also, it's rather ignorant to assume all smokers are addicted. I consume at most 1.5 packs a WEEK myself. My wife makes a pack last two or three days. I know MANY people who no one knows smoke at all, because they buy an occasional pack and smoke in secret. Falling rates of smoking are a bit of a lie...there are many casual and undercover smokers out there. Addiction is an issue, but so too is it an issue with alcohol, caffeine and more.

Many thanks, and I'm glad you understood the spirit of what I was going for. While the "fat acceptance" movement may not be about promoting being overweight, some of its evangelists are trending in that direction, twisting what I would otherwise say is a fine movement and a fine idea.

03/28/2012

Serena Shirley

I have a tattoo on my lower back ("tramp stamp") with the letters "HFC." It stands for "Hot Fat Chick" which is my own personal mantra. With that said, I agree 100% with what you said. Thanks to Hashimoto's disease, my thyroid gland died around age 13. (very rare, but common in my family) Since then, I have struggled with my weight, even developing an eating disorder. After therapy, I had to accept my body. I have, and I think body acceptance is great, but the most important thing is HEALTH. We have forgotten that physical health is just as important as emotional and mental health. I eat right, I exercise, and I take care of myself. My total cholesterol is 150, my A1C is 4 (so I'm not a diabetic), my blood pressure stays at or below normal range, and aside from the asthma I've had all my life and my thyroid issues, I am perfectly healthy. However, not everyone my size is just as healthy. And I think we need to focus on overall health more than size. That's what "fat acceptance" should be about. Don't strive to be a size 2, or to reach a certain weight, strive to be HEALTHY.

Thanks much, Serena. I did have to start watching my word count, so there's so many areas and aspects I couldn't really go on about...but you do a great job of breaking things down, and I agree with you. Overweight doesn't always mean unhealthy. Also, it's not always something that can be controlled well (though usually it can), but too many people think obesity is no big deal, and that's a dangerous attitude on a society-wide basis.

I thought my body was perfect before baby.. Though baby now is 19 and I still have the baby pudge.. I do FEEL and this is TOTALLY me.. but I feel with my added weight that I am not sexy or appealing. My hubby says yeah I am , but I don't feel sexy looking the way I do...... It's a work in progress, but a struggle as well............ Thanks for the other people who have written comments too.

@Natty: Thank you for saying some of what I wanted to say, but couldn't be bothered to type it all out. The way I see it is if someone is proud to be morbidly obese, then more power to them. If they are happy, regardless of their health situation, then I personally don't see a reason to really complain about it. I'm sure they are aware of the health issues that come along with living that way. I basically accept people regardless of their weight, and I can tell that you do, too. This is your honest opinion and I am glad that you shared it with us. With that said, I just want to thank you for writing this article. It was well written and I do respect your opinion!

Author

I'm a professional writer (journalism) with a passion for writing fiction and commentary (be it sexual, political or spiritual) in both my Smokedawg identity and my "real" identity online. I have several blogs, the ones attached to my Smokedawg identity being at http://betterwithsmoke.com/ ...as you might figure, my major kinks involve smoking (although two of the blogs linked to from the site above aren't smoking specific...granted, they also have less content), but I have a lot of other interests as well and know about way more fetishes than I actually care (or have time) to practice. And since I can't do them all, I try to mix as many of them as possible into my erotic short stories.