Courage In Living

Menu

breathing

You are the extension of energy that remains and never dies, it is never lost and never achieved, you are the gift everyday I receive!

~Kerri Elizabeth~

This will be a journey to follow the next couple weekly additions…………… Sit back, grab a cup of tea and be present with me……………………..

How is everyone doing? Summer is officially here where I live and I love it. Sunshine is where I thrive most. It charges me up in every way, it’s when I am the most inspired and the most energized.

I love to adventure not just the world but my heart, what is it telling me, what does it need to grow more?

How am I serving it in the best way possible?

To adventure your heart is to adventure life, all you know is what’s there. Take another step past there and bare your curiosity and tenacity to share.

Have you ever thought about where there is for you and if you’re interested in more?

I have been stretching myself in many areas I was resistant about before, listening to what my heart says, when I am in a busy place, what does it tell me when I feel panicked, unsafe, unclear, determined, joyful and all emotions and feelings that run through me?

How is my heart interpreting that emotion or feeling? I ask my mind to support my hearts calling. To help guide me in the most efficient and healthy way possible.

I used to completely resist things that life eventually forced me into. In a grateful way I know my heart over ruled my head and gifted me the opportunity to grow beyond what I know.

Watching and experiencing someone you love suffer, either grows you or overcomes you.

This was not the life I had explored and was optimally prepared for, why would I ever prepare for tragedy to traumatize my life? Life can instantly change, and what I learned is this, it’s you ultimately that decides if you will breathe, stress, give up, give in or let go or allow the emotional holds.

An emotional hold comes from a memory, a scar, a moment in time we feel we can’t change, we dwell and deepen the caverns that pain entered by living there in memory, as if we are shackled to the walls of the trauma. Our systems are changed, our wiring re-arranged, our hearts struggle and our minds shut down, a sort of short curcuiting burns what we used to know and rebuilding is often slow. For some the shackles rust and close and darkness becomes a place where you live and windows don’t exist.

I don’t know why? Each person has the ability to fly, we all have something inside that is divine, however when the darkness is where you hide, light can not enter to find that place so divine. This is a believing your more, something other than the darkness or the light to explore, an energy field that was placed to move anything and everything you choose.

Before Zakary’s body died, I already believed he would still survive, this never waivers. Whether his body is here or not I know he is still alive. I was blessed with a lighthouse inside, I don’t know why, I just know I have it. I can see the light when darkness closes in, my lighthouse shows me the way, its always working, its always leading, its always believing, it’s set, it’s on auto, it’s me, it’s the divine light I choose to be.

Zakary had it too and so do all of my children. It’s not different than everyone else, it is your truth.

Without owning judgements or opinions, traumas and others decisions, without a stereotype, a list of what I may or might, should or shouldn’t, could or couldn’t, without a question or waiver, the light is divinely given and yours to receive. You don’t stand in line waiting to buy it, or need to wait your turn, it is yours to discern, to own, to accept, to rely, to believe, to embrace, to know, to rejoice, to grow.

The lighthouse is not your ticket out of messes or challenges, it is not the ticket to glory or the easy way. It is simply your base, your place to rest, to embrace and know when you stand in your TRUTH, that is the lighthouse that radiates light beyond the darkness you hide your truth.

I want to tell you about a moment in my life where beyond trauma and beyond pain, the lighthouse still remained.

After losing Zakary in the physical form and spending years before working so hard on knowing myself enough to let go of myself, which still takes constant work, this isn’t natural my any means yet. It’s still a foundation I build on daily.

What does it mean to know yourself and let go of yourself?

Stop trying to be more than you are right now, be who you are NOW, being present in this place is where you can let go, so energy flows and change occurs and now is never missed. When I learned this, I was able to receive a divine connection with Zak and energy started to flow so differently.

Until I accepted who I was now and quit living in when, where, how, should, shouldn’t and somehow, that blessed resistance that keeps us out of now and into later, when and if. You know, the place we question and persist into because the moment is uncomfortable and we want more NOW. The place you try to live in another’s expectation of space, time and success.

Listen to that!

I listened to the aching and crying , the deepest pain and agony of my life, my son suffering. I never wanted to accept he could die, I could not grasp that at all. I just wanted so bad to let go of the pain and be present in knowing every feeling and connecting with Zak so that I would never miss a moment in the now because I was so scared of never finding somehow.

The part of me believing he would live and the determination of a mother to fight for her child’s life with all her might was mighty and present. However, there was also another part I fought with (the darkness), what if I couldn’t find the cure, what if he left resenting me for being his mom, because I couldn’t fix it?

OMG, I can tell you there was not an emotion I didn’t feel. Somehow the depth of me was dug out with a bulldozer and filled with fear, desperation, shame, guilt, how the hell would I make it through losing a child, what did I do or not do, would I die too, would I stop breathing and my other children experience the loss of a brother and a mom?

How could I stop this downhill slide and more importantly how could I hide it from anyone, let alone my kids, that didn’t benefit from their mom losing her ground, her mind and her peace and support for them?

The lighthouse never turned off, despite the dark caverns and storms, lightening, earthquakes and tsunamis of the inner self.

Finally ,we knew, we surrendered to what our fears had to show us. It was a rocky road, face plants, arguments, space invasion, fear we drew near, loss of ourselves, a separation from now into an adrenaline rushing pain you don’t escape. You have to face it or die without ever embracing what it has to show you.

Through this we gained a silent connection that spoke louder than any words could ever come close to.

I could cry my eyes out miles away and Zak would text me and say, “mom are you ok?” I could ask a question in my mind and Zak would text me and say,”mom I can hear you.” This is just a couple of the many times we had this type of thing happen. We had many talks about the connection and our ability to hear one another even when we weren’t right by each other.

I wanted so bad to know that I would never lose this connection, whether he stayed or if he left. It became our gift to one another, a knowing and allowing to give and receive love beyond what the human body could comprehend.

He is my connection, he is my child, my extension of love, how could we not have it. Instead of surrendering into my own truth, I realized I had surrendered into the fear of religion that all of this happening wasn’t possible. That somehow there was a separation between God and all that has been created and words defined and expressed what my heart never could accept.

MY HEART KNEW MORE!

This changed everything, our worlds opened, there was no longer 4 walls dictating our destiny, our purpose, our truth. This is where years of religion and dogma disappeared, where the shackles of judgments and opinion and fear instilled into our bones was shifted.

Divine love, infinite possibilities became the path less traveled. God did not limit us to a book or a word, a feeling or a demand. God does not make us suffer or ridicule and judge us. God does not instill fear into us. God is LOVE. God is not looking down at you pointing in direct discipline and directing disease and traumas at you because you deserve it. God created us all and gave us choice, a collective participating ability to work together or not.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Example: You can raise your kids as perfect as you believe and they can still go a completely different direction. This is not God making it happen, this is Gods creation of energy flow and motion, action and reaction.

Its given as your gift to accept or resist, either choice is movement, grow or change, be present or die resisting.

You were not created with so much more than you know on accident, life is a collective responsibility and an energetic connection between us all that is not separated and is experienced through every single persons reaction and action collectively. Like it or not we are connected and what we each do affects our collective space.

When you decide to arrive in the NOW you will feel the divine connection to flow more freely into each now more and more presently, this is where you grow.

To be Continued………………………… Zak arrived AGAIN in the mountains of Utah in the biggest, no mistaking present way, where I was off the grid, no service and vulnerable to the elements of emotion and mother nature’s decisions, 16 degrees at night and ice on the inside of my car among a few other elements that make this ride one forcing me into the presence of my deepest truths.

A traumatic moment in time occurred and Zak showed up and shifted a trauma into my greatest opportunity for growth…………………………….

I’m finally getting the third one out, no one said it had to be 3 consecutive days, right?

WOW, last week went so fast, sorry for missing my weekly addition as well, I’ll do my best to get it out this week, so many amazing days and changes and so much joy and sunshine. I hope everyone is doing super fantastic. Busy summer days have arrived!

This week I pick this quote,”Fall in place and embrace your hearts pace”, for this simple reason, you have to fall into place, embrace your space, your pace and flow. When you go out of flow nothing happens except a backup of pressure and stress and nothing good is expressed.

Lean into the embracing space of your pace

Listen to your own heartbeat

Like a breeze of gentleness

Create a healthy pace of appreciation

It takes Love to love

It takes frustration to share burdens

It takes anger to share complaints

It takes shame to share the blame

It takes guilt to remain insane

It takes LOVE TO LOVE

Love flows, it gives, it lifts, it builds

It flows, it receives, it knows

Love embraces you in a beautiful space of respected pace

Sunshine

Breathe into the pace your heart is asking for. Pushing yourself in some things is wonderful, however, if you are missing the beauty, the love, the healing, the breathing, the body movement that keeps you in a flow of health and happiness then your missing YOU.

I remember all too well the many years I didn’t respect my own pace. You can’t heal in this space, you don’t grow, you just change, you start to resent everything and nothing all at the same time because you cant see or feel your own emotions, while you’re trying to keep up with everything and everyone except you. YOU are the most important part of the Y O U, embrace your pace!

We don’t need a reason to heal our bodies, your body is always working for you to restore and rejuvenate itself. Just like anything else you can resist or persist in the process, you can throw caution to the wind or offer in gratitude to your body what it deserves to do its absolute best.

It’s up to you.I have many friends voice to me, “What a bummer, you can’t drink or eat normal food.” Normal food?

I’m going to get real raw here with my thoughts on this.Well, I can, if I want to set myself back and hurt the very system that allows me to enjoy your company. Are you going to take care of me after I eat that and I’m sick, will you bring me something healthy and sit with me while I recover? Will you enjoy watching me suffer? How does this make sense? What if I said,” its a bummer I can’t see you in pain and suffering and I wish I could choose food for you that will sabotage your health and peace of mind and hold you back from all your desires.

Does that make sense?You see after eating and drinking out, everyone goes separate ways, complains for a week how they need to recover and says, “why do we do that to ourselves, was it worth it?”What if you experienced going out and feeling amazing before, during and after and your body was rejuvenated instead of disabled. How about we go to a place I can eat and you see how blissful it is to eat healthy, feel healthy, wake up just as blissful as today, if not more after you eat? How about you drink what I drink and feel relaxed and mindful and it’s nutritiously healing rather than depletes you?

I can say to you the same things,” what a bummer you can’t drink and eat normal food” and be significantly accurate since normal food doesn’t make you feel sick and give you hangovers. Normal, real, authentic food, cleans, cleanses, heals, rejuvenates and empowers you in every good way.I choose this way of life, because the damage to my system, all of it, doesn’t even slightly balance with the few minutes of (others opinions of bliss) to my tongue, or the short-term buzz from alcohol that distracts me from what is really important in my life.

I can get a life buzz and a gratitude buzz with what nature intended my body to run on.

I am not exempt from escaping into less than optimal options like tequila a few times in my life, trust me when my child died that’s all I wanted to do and I did it for two weeks almost. It never turned out better the next time.

What I found out was that I just prolonged the healing and accepting the process of what I ultimately had to face. I caused great pains and a gigantic backslide to my health in mind, body, and spirit. I suffered more from that than if I would have just allowed myself to feel and flow.

I knew it at the time too, I chose differently and I paid mighty for it. Escaping my emotions and feelings was not at all what I was doing, what I was doing was adding more emotions, shame, guilt, hurt, pain, recovery, and trauma to my plate. I ate perfectly still, so that helped and I had a firm spiritual foundation I could rely on. I also had my son near me in a more powerful way than ever before and he had my back. (story to come next week.)I have also experienced plenty of foods that set me back and I allowed myself to feel obligated to make others happy by eating for their entertainment and to please others that prepared their favorites in their kitchens with love. At this place in my life, I realize we give the love we know and the love we have the capacity to receive in return.

However, it is in the saying no, it is in the standing in your own truth and deciding what is best for you, where you both grow.Your body is the vessel, that takes you where you want to go. Why put gasoline in the human tank when you know the proper nutrition is what makes it run?I have never been one of those trainers and nutritionists that offered a cost to you and then taught you what I know and watched you sabotage yourself. I know this game, I did it enough times to myself. I was familiar with how I got there and what it took to get out. So when I charge people money to get in shape and change their lives and help guide them in finding a solution to the self-sabotage, it is a partnership of love to bridge the gaps.

My goal has always been to help you in the stuck points and they usually have nothing to do with nutrition, nutrition is the easy part, it’s the facing your fears and doubts that feeds you. There is always more to why you want sugar, alcohol or make statements like, “you only live once, so why not?”

This statement brings tears flowing down my face and soaking the shirt I’m wearing as I write this. My heart has been wrapped in nutrition my entire life, for so many reasons, I was born and chosen to help others find their healthiest self and I was one of them. I know first hand the inner struggle to get here.

I know what its like to be in a less than healthy relationship with people and food, I know what its like to lose a loved one and I know what its like to feel lonely, less than enough, exhausted and frustrated to the core of your being. I know what its like to love someone that’s suffering and you can’t do a damn thing about it. I know what its like to be divorced and I know what its like to lose everything you ever worked for in a day because just giving it all up is better for your health than the fight to keep it. It’s stuff that can be replaced. I know what its like to have a child die and another be so addicted to drugs she loses herself and her own child in the process. I know what it’s like to feel guilt and endure abuse and blame. I know what its like to die and see the other side and come back for another round. I know what its like to love someone so hard you have to let go. I know what its like to lose yourself in the process of it all.

After a lifetime of opportunities to show up as my best, I can tell you that the higher vibration the food the higher the vibration of life.

This means when you live your core values no matter what the circumstances are, that you are determined to be a light to yourself and the world through your own significant love and gratitude for you, shit shifts like crazy.

The very peace you were born with surfaces, you smile even when it hurts because you know it will be ok. You cry without worrying anyone will tell you to wipe those tears and move on. You flow through the pains and discomforts and not back for another round when you choose, you. You breathe when you used to freeze. You rest when you used to push so hard you would exhaust yourself to please everyone else. You hear your body speak to you about what it desires, instead of grabbing in reactive selfish need. Your one again with your mind, body, and soul.

You arrive at the place you once abandoned yourself and a reunion of forgiveness and love is made.

Without you, you can’t make a difference to anyone.

The love you give yourself radiates equal love to the entire world. It shifts energy, gratitude, love, healing and in the grand scheme of life, it literally shifts the world.

Do you think that what you do doesn’t make a difference to the world? Think again, every thought and every shift you make shifts everything.I have experienced more than my share of trauma in my life and how we all deal with that is different of course.

The one thing that is not different, is that our bodies need the best we can give it to have the best success is recovering. You can have all you have ever wanted to eat in a modified delicious version, it takes time and tweaking sometimes ( just like the rest of life’s decisions) but with all the information out their today, there is no excuse for not loving your mind, body, and spirit the way it was meant to be loved.Some starters:

Change one meal a day to a modified whole foods meal.

Treat yourself to a new healthier version of your favorite food.

Create a new and chemical free version of something for your skin or hair.

Fit in 10 mins. of exercise every day even if its 1 min. 10 times a day.

Move off your chair every 20 minutes and stretch and walk.

Drink water all day at least twice a week and do away with sugary drinks as a reward (a reward is not sugar, it is forgoing sugar).

Stop and breathe deep in place of a stressful thought.

Meditate in place of mindless snacking.

Try going out with friends and drinking water instead of alcohol and watch the difference in how you communicate, and the actual changes that occur in behaviors you never noticed, even by having just one drink.

Say no when it means your own health and happiness is at risk to please another.

Your diagnosis of pain or injury might sound the same as another, but unless they have the exact same job, enjoy the exact same activities/hobbies, have the same life stressors, and have walked through life just like you… your true CAUSE of pain will be different.”

Every person who chooses a plan from DocJenfit and has a desire to change their health also receives a free 30 min. health session with me, just contact me with proof of your commitment and let’s get moving.

For every referral, you send to me that signs up for 5 health sessions, you will receive one for free.

Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.

~Brene Brown~

How do you show up for yourself daily?

Healing from anything takes times and kindness to self. I’m about to spill some serious information and things I have done this last 8 months healing from the loss of my 24-year-old son, who left this earth without any lack of suffering from Leukemia.

I never could have imagined in my wildest nightmares what losing a child could do to you. Brene Brown wrote that amazing quote and it’s perfect, it requires a full reorientation of just about every detail of life.

In reorienting, (I’m definitely still in the process), I consider myself to be farther at this stage than expected, for some very important reasons.

I stopped allowing other people to tell me, when, how, or what I was supposed to feel like and I took off on a road trip for 40 days and nights and intended on being inspired and I was that times a million.

It’s not the decision everyone would make. I felt like if I didn’t do something drastic and push myself I wasn’t going to get up at all one day.

The trip had emotional challenges that whooped my ever loving ass and Zak arrived in a fighter jet to confirm I was going to make it as if he planned it all. He knew when, how and the exact moment to show up and it wasn’t with anything less than IMPACT.

Being so vulnerable and so disoriented meant remote quiet areas were a must and just diving into Mother Earth’s beauty was critical, she reflected back to me the beauty I had forgotten in myself and opened creative spaces that had slammed shut.

The disorientation started for me the day I found out Zak had 95% cancer in his body 5 years ago and in a day all our lives were changed. Nothing was the same, NOT one thing. It was like I entered a new world and the rest was left behind.

Fast forward to the last 8 months……I knew specific nutrition to get through the trauma I experienced. Be conscious of what you’re going through and evaluate the changes you need to get the best results.

Food Matters Recipes has some amazing recipes and information that will blow your mind, don’t tiptoe – dive in and explore the beauty of transforming your food into giving your body what it deserves.

Here are some Food Matters interviews on the subjects of healthy bodies and minds, dedicate some time to health education.

I’m sharing this because, through trauma and stressful situations, this is something you can control. I know with all my heart that if I didn’t do these things my health would be suffering greatly.

Thank your body daily for all it does for you!

You won’t escape stress, heartache and a few hard knocks, at least I don’t know anyone that has. I suppose its possible, but what a bummer to not experience pain, how would you ever appreciate joy?

Part of my life passion is to help as many people as I can into movement. Movement your face if you cant move anything else and start from the head down.

YOU’RE WORTH IT!

One of my other favorites you can do anywhere, anytime and since I have been doing this I have grown leaps and bounds, is the Tapping Solution, I watched this documentary on The Tapping Solution, and it changed everything for me.

YOU’RE WORTH IT!

Releasing the less-than-positive self-chatter first is key to your healing forward. This might surprise you. I’m NOT a law of attraction fanatic, I’m an earth loving, soul driven, nature-inspired lover, of life and if anyone can make a rainbow from tears it’s me. However, in order to attract the positive, you must heal the negative, acknowledge it, face the truth and release it to make room for all you want to attract.

YOU’RE WORTH IT!

Are you walking around covering your own self-shitty talk with a mask of denial? Face it as your truth and then love yourself unconditionally forward. It’s acceptance and freedom to be empowered right where you are so you can attract what you want and have room for it to arrive.

YOU’RE WORTH IT!

Don’t let anyone tell you, “just be positive” when you don’t feel that way, we already know that part, its common sense. Having it in your face is simply the same as putting your hand up in front of someone’s face and telling them you’re not interested in their truth or authenticity, but if they put on a mask to please you, they will be fine.

Who is this fine for?

Be you in all your beautiful forms, sad, mad, angry, blissful, joyful, blessed, excited, fearful, tenacious, tender, grateful, generous and so much more. These are emotions, have them, embrace them, nurture their evolution of changing, rearranging and creating new spaces for growth.

Here’s another amazing enlighting experience for free www.jovianarchive.com/Human_Design/Why This gave me a wonderful foundation and confirmation of my strengths and weaknesses I was born with and how to work better with my personality type. I’m a manifester, one of 9% of people, this is just a small part of the genetic and energetic make up you will get to know in your chart, to help you create the best success for yourself and it’s fun and interesting.