Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (April 24, 2009)

LESBIAN QUOTE OF THE WEEK NO. 1
"Portia’s so not like that. She’s a little shy but so sweet that you just feel at ease with her. Portia’s my girl, and I love her to death … Ellen’s been amazingly supportive of the show, so we all got together and watched the premiere there. They have a beautiful home that’s first and foremost a home; it feels very comfortable."

— Portia de Rossi‘s Better Off Ted co-star Jonathan Slavin to The Advocate, in response to the question "what’s it like to work with gay royalty? Are there strict rules of etiquette like when you meet the queen?" (thanks to Boutrie for the tip!)

Show/Episode: Home and Away — Australia, dramaWhat happened: Joey’s brother still can’t accept that she’s gay, and Charlie finds "Queer" spray-painted on her car in the morning.

Charlie has to give a talk at the local high school that day about criminal activity, and is heckled by some of the teenagers about being gay. When Charlie goes back to the police station, she discovers Joey’s brother has filed charges against her claiming she used her official position to make sexual advances towards Joey (i.e. that she turned Joey gay). A freaked-out Charlie is given the day off, and when she runs into persistent-male-suitor Hugo on the beach that night, she insists "I’m not gay!" and has sex with him to prove it.

Show/Episode: College Hill: South Beach — BET, realityWhat happened: Bisexual music major Alyson defends new housemate Kathryn against vicious attacks from Kyle.

Show/Episode: Grey’s Anatomy — ABC, dramaWhat happened: Callie’s father (Hector Elizondo) shows up and starts threatening people (George and Mark Sloane), until Callie finally stops him by telling him she’s dating someone now, and she’s happy about it. When he asks her who, she plays the pronoun game before finally introducing him to Arizona. He doesn’t take it very well, and tries to make Callie move back home with him and her mother. When she refuses, he threatens to cut off her trust fund, so Callie cuts him out of her life. What else you need to know: Callie and Arizona actually kiss, and Callie rants in Spanish a few times; it was very entertaining. Read Dara’s full recap of the episode here.

Show/Episode: La Vie est Nous — France, dramaWhat happened: Marion tries to convince Kelly not to go out with closeted pop star Candice, when the latter suddenly re-appears into their lives. Kelly ignores the advice and gets on Candice’s crazy train, anyway, because she’s supposedly in love with her. After several dates that don’t go so well, the two women are together by the end of the episode, but Kelly’s friends aren’t very happy about it.What else you need to know: read detailed English recaps of the show at EurOut.org.

Show/Episode:Guiding Light— CBS, dramaWhat happened: Natalia calls Olivia on her patronizing ways, telling Olivia that when Natalia said "I love you" that "I knew exactly what I was saying." Olivia keeps insisting "you’re not ready," and just as Natalia moves closer to her to show her she is, Frank walks in and tells Natalia he has to take her son Rafe to the halfway house that was a condition of his parole. Natalia takes Rafe to church first, and after Rafe and Frank leave, Olivia and daughter Emma show up and Natalia invites them in to the (empty) church with her. As they’re sitting in the pew, Olivia asks what they’re doing there, and Natalia responds, "we’re being together" and reaches out to hold Olivia’s hand.

What else you need to know: look for a full recap of Otalia this week on the blog Friday afternoon.

Show: Verbotene Liebe (Forbidden Love) — Germany, dramaWhat happened: Ansgar, Carla’s evil brother, has tricked her into signing an illegal weapons deal. In an attempt to get control over the Lahnstein family business he promises not to notify the police in return for Carla’s share in the company. Carla refuses to be blackmailed and tells Ansgar where to stick it. Carla’s heart breaks at the thought of going to prison and leaving her daughter Sophia behind.What else you need to know: The Carla-Stella-Charlie storyline will continue next week.Special thanks to: Anneliese

Show/Episode: Boer Zoekt Vrouw (Farmer Seeks Wife) — Belgium, realityWhat happened: The new season of this dating show about farmers looking for wives debuted this week with one female contestant looking for a wife: Conny Van der Veken, who has joint custody of three children with her former girlfriend. (Thanks to AE reader LM for the tip!)

Show/Episode: The Amazing Race 14 — CBS, realityWhat happened: Kisha and Jen survived another leg of the race, but got into a verbal and physical shoving match with fellow contestant Luke along the way which made both teams look bad.

That wraps up this week’s rundown of lesbian/bi women on TV — international readers, please email me at afterellentips@gmail.com short rundowns of the lesbian/bi storylines on your favorite shows on Thursdays. Thanks!