The Video For Adam Lambert’s “If I Had You” Is What Happens When Fabulousness Snorts Angel Dust

There’s flamboyant, and then there’s Adam Lambert rocking a pompadour/mullet, bedazzled and bespiked shoulder pads, and enough glittery make-up to glamourize a small neighborhood of frumpy hausfraus, which is why he’s affectionately known to many as Glambert. Adam Lambert’s “If I Had You” music video:

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Hot damn, y’all. I’m pretty sure unicorns farting glitter would be less flamboyant than this music video, and I mean that as a compliment.

Naturally I love this, in large part because Glambert totally won me over with For Your Entertainment; since then been waiting for a music video to properly capture his fabulousness, and I’m pretty sure “If I Had You” is the video for that. At least until they make a music video for “Strut.” Or, fingers crossed, “Fever.”

Added to that, and maybe this is just me, but I prefer to trip balls vicariously. I’ve seen what that shit does to Helen Hunt, and it ain’t pretty. So once again, I’m pretty sure “If I Had You” is the video for that. At least until they make a video for “Strut.” Or, fingers crossed, “Fever.”

One thing I’m most definitely sure of about “If I Had You,” though, is that “If I Had You” is the video Adam Lambert where is clearly this summer’s fashion icon for the over-sexed, aging drag queen set:

Obviously Adam wears these batshit crazy shoulder pads better. Why? Because he still glows with the dignity of having never uttered the phrase “Lawrence of my labia.”