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Craigslist Slut

A reader requested I write about this Craigslist posting, about a woman who dated 34 men she met off Craigslist in one year.

The posting is written in a universal font size, but when I came across “I’m young, very thick, cute, tall, and blonde,” my brain read it like this:

I’m young, very thick, cute, tall, and blonde.

Her profile sounds reasonable. If it wasn’t for the very thick part I can imagine myself hanging out with her and her progressive personality, if of course what she said reflected reality. By now I’ve learned that girls describe themselves with how they wish they were, not how they are. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was more annoying than that random dog that pissed on my leg last year.

I am promiscuous. (Wikipedia has a great definition of the word if you’re interested). I like sex. A lot. Actually, I love sex. I haven’t been in a real relationship in a very long time, and I miss regular sex (among other things). I’m multi-orgasmic, and while I’m not going to get too into it, I’m wierd when I’m not getting a sufficient dose of coitus. Now granted, while I am on the ADVENTUROUS side, I am no slut. I think the right guy is out there for me somewhere, but I don’t know where the hell he is, or why I haven’t found him yet.

Nothing wrong with being horny and fucking a lot of guys. As long as a girl doesn’t infect me with her tropical strain of the clap, I don’t care too much about how many dicks she has had inside her. Okay, maybe I do care, but the fact that I will never ask her about her sexual history means the issue probably won’t come up, unless she can’t help but tell me about the gangbang she was involved with in college where she was the only female (true story).

I’ve gotten over 3500 responses in the past 6 months

I believe it. Trying to get laid on the internet makes you an excellent copy/paste monkey and really takes “playing the percentages” to a level the idea of courtship has never seen in the history of man. No matter how monstrous the girl is, the internet is an attention generating machine that makes her think her value is higher than a girl who weighs under 200 pounds.

Even though our BBW is “not shallow or close-minded,” she proceeds to destroy most of the shlubs who dated her.

Little did I know that you would turn out to weigh about 100 LBS and look like a cancer patient

Seriously. You sent me pics, and I saw Calvin Klein Ads. You brought yourself, and I saw Kramer from Seinfeld. What the FUCK??

The minute you put the condom and slid inside me once, you came. PEACE OUT!

MY GOD YOU WERE THE FREAKIEST MAN IN THE WORLD.

Seriously, I know I give good head, but leave a girl alone man, it’s creepy.

CLEAN YOURSELF UP BEFORE YOU TAKE A GIRL OUT, DEUCHBAG.

You had white fizz at the corners of your mouth, and made me want to vomit.

You kinda had this strange constipated look on your face all the time.

…little did I know you would turn into a depressed, ADD, and OCD FREAK. When I touched your dick, you came in my hand.

I wanted to laugh just listening to you and your ridiculous little gay laugh

…and so on. We are now living in a society where a very thick girl can judge other men who, unlike her, have the willpower to stop shoveling double-meat cheesesteaks in their mouth.

She did have nice things to say about me though. I make an appearance at number 18 under my fake name Pat. Yeah I fucked a fatty off Craigslist. So what, who are you to judge? I was going through a cold streak and needed to build some momentum to resume fucking the supermodels that I usually get with.

18) PAT ROOSH : Wow you had a big dick. You were the greatest fuck buddy ever, because we weren’t attached, and didn’t know much about each other either. You sure did show me a good time more than once!! You were pretty cocky though, I mean.. you were hot, and you knew it. But come on, you still weren’t no Don Juan. You went and found yourself a girlfriend 🙁

I read that one a few weeks ago. I was cracking up. That girl is something else.

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11 years ago

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Sweat P.

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“MY GOD YOU WERE THE FREAKIEST MAN IN THE WORLD” appears to be a compliment in the context of the rant.

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11 years ago

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Mandy

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Lol…

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11 years ago

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Mandy

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I actually read this post awhile ago, but I think it’s fictional. I mean, it has to be…this girl can’t be a real person. Real people don’t actually think and talk like this, right?

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11 years ago

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dc_lunchbunch

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The statement, “But come on, you still weren’t no Don Juan” is a double-negative. It means,in fact, you are a Don Juan.

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11 years ago

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cob

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You know, I saw this and think is is real.

It doesn’t sound too far fetched, and we really do live in a world where women can get laid by walking out of their door. If a woman, even a thick woman, actively pursues men (i.e. posting on Craigslist) I do not think 34 random dudes is any stretch of the imagination.

So sure, everyone is going to call bullshit on the post, but let’s take into account a few facts here:

1) she is a fatty.. probably not used to getting male attention all her life
2) the internet makes it incredibly easy for women to get laid
3) she is young, growing up in an era where it is becoming more and more acceptable to “meet people online” as well as for girls to do as many guys as they please.
4) guys can bone her in a situation that minimizes the risk of her being rejected, made fun of, etc. She does not need to “put herself out there” and won’t get shot down because she’s a fatty.
5) she probably did not get a lot of sex until she discovered the internet (this bears repeating)

There are some messed up people out there. Ask anyone who works in health services of some sort, or even people who deal with a number of folks on a day to day basis. Everyone tries to pretend they’re normal, but most people have some issues, and a surprisingly large number of people really take things to an extreme.

Maybe I’m out of touch with craigslist, and it is some sort of running joke for writers to put up fake stuff, but I would ask “why?”

The story does not seem far-fetched to me, and considering it is a fatty, I believe it is indeed a real post. As for 34 random internet dudes in a year, all I can say is “go herpes!”

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11 years ago

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cob

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“…unless she can’t help but tell me about the gangbang she was involved with in college where she was the only female (true story).”

Sounds like quite a story (not her story itself, but the fact she randomly volunteered this info). How one earth do you react to that?

Nice post. Plus, a good way to be both self-effacing and brag at the same time!

The media term of hooking up with fat chicks is “hogging.” Back in 2004, there were several stories in the press about guys who went about doing this regularly. Funny stuff. I recommend against making thgis a regular practice, though, because fat women who don’t get a lot of attention tend to get very emotionally attached. It makes for a rough exit strategy when they won’t let go.

Heck, I’d even recommend against dating former fatties, because they tend to be emotionally unbalanced (i.e. they still feel rejected, even though they now look decent). This is the polar opposite of women who get fat in their 30s but still act like they’re the hot 20somethings they used to be.

[…] mad or sad or wish to ‘reward’ yourself, you go to the fridge and somehow don’t have the willpower to stop shoveling double-meat cheesesteaks in your mouth, you wake up the next morning feeling like a toilet of a man, bloated and unable to control your […]

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11 years ago

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Beefy McManstick

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Mandy, if this were a fake post, then Roosh would be lying about being Pat. And Roosh never lies, to my knowledge. Except about the big dick part, that’s a lie. If it was true, he’d have a cooler name, like Beefy McManstick, not that I’m saying anything.

That woman’s vajeen hangs like sleeve of wizard’s robe.

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11 years ago

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Rael

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So Roosh, when did you make the trip to SF to hang out with this Craigslist slut who was so impressed with your largeness?

Damn, you helped contribute to this fat tub of shit’s self-esteem. I can understand the dry spell, but surely you could have done better. When a hippo can get indignant about the quality of her sexual experiences, it just raises the bitchiness of all the rest of them.

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10 years ago

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NYB

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Lmao Dynamo, Harsh; but true…

I couldn’t stop laughing I realized your fake name was Pat!
idk why though x)

I’m not sure what the odds of her finding this post is though, if she does that would be some kind of Shit…

Hmm.. Does that ‘Pat Alias’ have anything to do with your avatar on twitter being… patrick from spongebob?

Rael you ignorant slut, “one taste” is the most wretched tribe of disgusting disease vectors, mental and physical, on the West Coast of the United States of America. I’ve lived here for 13 years, and would not knowingly stick my dong in any part of one of those walking herpes infections. Beyond the obvious fact that these are a tribe of mentally ill gasbags; I’ve actually spoken to some of these trollops -not a one of them ever heard of a woman who could come from dong. Oooo, fun! Not.

I met a girl like that on craislist but shes giving everyone the herps!!

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7 years ago

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Berta

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I read that some think group sex,gangbangs,and ok,fun,not so fun,bad and good. I am one of these party girls. I have never gotten or had any sexual disease from any guy. I’ve never had a sexual disease at all in my life.
My older Brother told me about a party that was coming up on a Saturday night. When I was in my teens I was a wild girl,very full figured around 5’4″ tall back then and around 120 pounds. I was well developed on top with 37-plus inch tits. It was in the summer. The party was about 7 blocks from my parents place. I wore a short half shirt that tied at the bottom and had only 2 snaps on it and no bra,I also wore shorts. Getting to the party their was 5 guys their. Talking with them they said some other girls should be comming soon. In the mean time several more guys showed up. I had already had my tits felt and even bared,I had been kissed and rubbed between my legs. Not much more and I had a few beers to drink,some guys were drunk. I seen a clock and it was after 11pm. No other girls,but 13 guys. I said I was going to leave. A guy grabbed me and started kissing me while other guys were taking off my shirt and shorts. I was then taken to a bed and it was strange. I was being fucked as 12 guys stood naked around the bed waiting a turn. Some one said put it in her mouth and I got a cock in my mouth. I wasn’t resisting or trying to fight them,I was willingly enjoying it. Everyone got a few turns each with me. When one said he is here to get her. It was my Brother who came to pick me up. He had told me about the party knowing I would go to it. He also knew it was going to be all guys their. And he also knew he was to pick me up from the party at about 2am. Here I am getting fucked and looking up I see my Brother watching and waiting to take me home. I ended up sucking off 2 guys and getting fucked by 3 guys as my Brother watched as they finished. Leaving the guys thanked my Brother for me being at the party.
They should have thanked me cause I was their party enjoyment.
On the way home,7 blocks,me and my Brother had a talk. We went way out of the way of 7 blocks. We came to a agreement that he keeps his mouth shut to mainly our Mom but Dad also about me and my sex with other guys. And that I would go to all guy parties he pre-arranged for me. And no he never attended a party I went to. I went to the parties knowing I was their for the guys sexual enjoyment. After our Brother-Sister talk that night we still didn’t get home till almost 4am.
Home and up stairs in my room my Brother finished with tucking me in bed and a good-night kiss. His room was stright across the hall from my room.
Sunday after church and having dinner my Brother and I went out riding around like we had done since my 13th Birthday. Most of the time it was just me and him on the Sunday afternoons. But once in a while a few guys wanted me on Sunday afternoon. These were guys who’s wives would get together at one’s place. So the guys took me to one of the other places. That would be between 5 and 10 guys for about 3 hours on Sunday afternoons. When it was all 10 it was steady sex. I would get sore,and helped into my Brothers car. Them were Sundays we didn’t get home till 8 or 9 at night. So I could get walking good again. My Brother helped me walk around too. In warm weather after they were done me and my Brother would go to a old swimming hole and I could soak away some of the soreness. And as far as I know,my parents never found out about me and my Brother,and our arrangements.
Even after I was married,me and my Brother got together one day while husband was at work. We hadn’t seen each other in over 3 years and enjoyed being together again. Talking he said guys he knew who were still around the area would like to get together with me again. I let him make the arrangements. My husband and my parents do not get along at all. So when a party came up I said I was spending the week-end with my parents. I would go from home to where the party was then after the party to my parents place where my Brother was waiting up for me. I’ld sleep in my old room. Me and my Brother always talked about the party after I got to my parents place. My Brother really enjoyed that,he always did.
My Dad worked at a garage and on Saturday afternoons when they weren’t going places I spent a lot of the afternoon with Dad. Some times on Sunday me and Dad would go fishing wasn’t any good we would go swimming,skinny dipping,the rest of the afternoon. Which was always satisfying.
Through the years I have had many,many guys of all ages. I love it and wouldn’t change a thing.
Where are all the craigslist guys?

Its such as you read my thoughts! You appear to understand a lot about this,
such as you wrote the ebook in it or something.
I believe that you simply can do with a few % to power the message home a little bit, but other than that, that is wonderful blog. A great read. I’ll certainly be back.