How To Not Get Murdered Abroad

You’re studying abroad in Ireland; it was the aging castle walls of Dunluce and the dark, savory taste of a true Guinness that had caught your attention. Speaking of Guinness, you’re walking home late at night from a bar by yourself, slightly drunk and vulnerable. Suddenly, a man appears from behind the bushes, he’s holding a hammer.

You’ve heard stories of this man; he’s referred to as the “Hammer Head.” Known for a vicious string of murders that have recently taken place late at night on the streets of Ireland, his weapon of choice, a hammer. Not only does he use a hammer to carry out his brutal killings, upon his shoulders sits an unfortunately shaped head that also resembles a hammer, hence the name, “Hammer Head.”

You know this guy is a danger, pure evil. You turn to run away but it’s too late, you’re in the grasp of the Hammer Head.

Here are 5 tips to stay safe during your adventure abroad:

1. Stay away from non-tourist locations

Locations known to be crawling with tourists are safer. Crime is less likely to happen when the culprit is more likely to be spotted.

2. Don’t take cabs that are not registered with the city

Avoid “private cars” for they are probably not in the taxicab business, they are most likely in the kidnapping people business.

3. Don’t wear jewelry

Studies show that moths are attracted to light and criminals are attracted to jewelry.

4. Don’t “fall” for people with accents

I know it is hard to believe, but although someone may have an attractive accent and sound like an intelligent being, they may still be a dangerous moron. Be cautious, their accent may be masking their true intentions.

5. Use the buddy system

Walk with a friend; crime is less likely to take place if you’re with a group of people.

Jump back to the student being abducted by the Hammer Head. You know you have made a mistake; you’re alone and now you are the new target of a terrifying killer. If only this article had been posted a week before this hypothetical situation took place. Now you’re in his grasp, he will strike quickly, the end is near. However, tonight, the Hammer Head has different intentions. Instead of harming you he has taken your brand new Apple iPhone 28. This may be worse than death, what is the point of studying abroad in Ireland if you cannot post your experience on various social networks? If one does not show others that they have done something notable, did it ever take place? No. Be smart.