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Tuesday, April 17, 2012

"O" Is For Off and On

Is pregnancy in general a big oxymoron? Or am I just a big foxy moron?
One minute I am feeling delighted with life.
Like, last Friday, I was sorting through all Koley's old clothes (and throwing out the ones with blow out stains). I was holding up leetle outfits and imagining that there would soon be another cuddly cubby who just wanted held all day filling the arm and leg holes. (I am imaging him with dark hair like me.) Kole played next to me and picked up a couple onesies and said, "Baby!" It was fantastic. My heart felt light. My smile wouldn't cease. I felt like I couldn't control how happy I was. My excitement was concrete.

A mere 12 hours later, on Saturday morning, Ken went to take his last round of midterms and I was bawling. Why, you ask? Oh- I don't know. Because soon there will be another cuddly cubby filling up leetle outfits and needing held all day and throwing off the whole routine we've got going here.

It's with everything:

One minute I look in the mirror see that I am looking ripely pregnant and smile until my ears hurt.
An hour later I look in the mirror see that I am looking ripely pregnant and mourn my lost thighs, butt, ankles, and lovely lady lumps.

The baby kicks and kicks and kicks and I just lay there with my hand on my stomach beaming like a clown.
The baby kicks and kicks and kicks and I start pushing him down away from my ribs and arching my back so he lays off my spine. I grunt and groan and tell him to take a nap in there.

And then someone comes along at church and asks "How are you feeling?"
And all I can say is, "Weepy." before nodding and turning to look for some Kleenex.

I don't want to send out the wrong message. But there is NO consistency in the emotional body of Patty right now.

You just completely described my life everyday, even without being pregnant.

During my second pregnancy the hormones were all over the place, if you could imagine that my husband didn't want the second baby (although he never said, he was alarmingly clear with his behavior) and I was already overwhelmed with the first, being only 6 months old at the time I found out. It's a wonder I wasn't committed.

Yes. Today I celebrate my "shop" being closed for good. Tomorrow I will hug my friend's baby and think "maybe just one more"

At least you still have your sense of humor!! I remember feeling that way my entire pregnancy. It really is overwhelming! Before you know it, you'll have a new routine that includes a leetle one filling all the arm and leg holes and you won't remember what it was like without them. I really enjoy your blog, I am so glad I found you on the challenge.

My husband's favorite story to retell of our first pregnancy is going to the grocery store together and I started to cry (almost hysterically) due to the fact that I could not find Hostess mini donuts and that is all I wanted....He bought me a bagel and I left smiling! Hormones....that's all I've got to say about that!

i do not envy or miss being pregnant.i do not feel a wit of longing to hold a wee babe.been there done that, 3 times. but!i did have many good times with those toddlers! love watching the videos! each age and stage is wonderful! even coming into the teen years with the attitudes unleashed, brings smiles of understanding & glimpses of the man to be.