Over the last two and half weeks my gf has bought close to 9 new pairs of lingerie. This is unusual because she bought some 7 new pairs somewhere at the beginning of April. Now I don’t mind a girl buying new lingerie, but this is unusual - she had close to 40 new pairs of lingerie, a count which keeps on decreasing every other day. Now I take out trash every given day, and I’ve observed that she hasn’t thrown her old lingerie in trash over past one week, while there’s no trace of it anywhere in our apartment. And yet she is missing 4-5 pairs from our common closet. She seems to act pretty normal, there’s no dent in her daily routine. But it boggles me why she is on this lingerie shopping spree? It’s not like she is amassing a stockpile of lingerie, her lingerie count is somewhat unchanged from the time before this madness. I couldn’t find trace of her old lingerie. Am I being paranoid? Am I missing something here feminine that’s otherwise normal? Should I ask her anything about it?

TL;DR GF buying new lingerie every few days, while leaving no trace where she threw her old ones.

UPDATE: I might ask her while we drive down to the train station in next 30 minutes. Will keep you guys posted.

UPDATE 2: Alright I chatted with her while driving. I started off by asking her directly as u/fightmaxmaster suggested. She said something like she hasn’t been feeling good about her underwear fitting (old and new) while at work. So she has taken a new vow - if she finds any underwear incredibly uncomfortable, she will throw it off immediately. I asked her I haven’t noticed any in our trash (maintaining my casual tone) and she said since since we spend most our daytime at work she disposes it off in her workplace bin and carries pair of change underwear, like most women do. I even said to her jokingly “Oh, I was worried you were seelling your undies on eBay or something” (just to get some kind of an answer) and she ewwed my remark. Do women do that at work or get rid off their old undies when they find it uncomfortable like this? I could really use your insight on this. Tbh, we moved together at the beginning of this year and this is the first time I’ve moved in with a girl, in a relationship. I don’t know what else I could do, since she has made it clear she drops it off in work trash and has shown no intention/fetish to sell it online. But overall, I tried to make this conversation as ‘just out of curiosity’ as I could.

UPDATE 3: This is way too overwhelming. I am heading back home and taking a day off. I know I might be overreacting but somehow it just doesn't sound right, the conversation we had an hour ago. Might talk to her again during her lunch break.

UPDATE 4: Seriously guys, thank you!! I have been glued to my phone all morning along, except driving back home. It took me a lot of self-convincing to gather clues for a possibility that my gf might be selling it online. Back at home, we have place to archive open mails, receipts, bills and other important documents except for our social and other personal items. There were 6 receipts in total, 2 from Victoria's Secret and 3 from Target and 1 from Macy's. Against my rough counting, she had amassed some 28-30 pairs of new lingerie, including the one at the beginning of April. Two of these receipts had Karen's name on it (my gf's elder sister), I believe Karen has some kind of rewards card from VS. That itself accounts for 40% of her new purchases. Till now I thought she had probably purchased 15 pairs, give or take. I don't wanna invade her privacy by sneaking her bank statements, because that would be a bit over the line. I cannot believe that she spent $1100+ on lingerie over past 45 days. That by itself is so fucking unusual. It's also odd that she hasn't paid using our RED card at Target (we have Target app on our phones). I am calling my brother over to get some clarity. I don't know if it would be right to login to her laptop and see her browsing history to confirm if she's selling her underwear online. I am just numbed atm.

UPDATE 5: I spoke to my brother and saw some of your comments. I've decided to confront her in-person when she's back home. I don't wanna take any chances or let any form of miscommunication trigger chain reactions for questions that might be unwarranted to her.

UPDATE 6: You know you have one of those days when all the hell breaks loose and this was one for me. I skipped lunch break phone call in hopes I can talk to my gf when she gets back home. Spoke to Karen and her mom in the meantime to ensure if she isn't in some kind of financial mess or other kind of trouble. But it takes one fucking truth to destroy it all. You guys, my gf saw this post at work and she immediately knew it was me posting it here. I didn't realize this, leaving rest of her day off. Some 4 hours ago my gf confessed that she was sleeping with some guy she met at her work gym. Since the beginning of March. Fuck me.

She met this guy at her work gym some 8 months ago. This guy is not even from her workplace, he works at this other startup, in a different building of this corporate park. She said things got all heated up late February after one afternoon. I fucking though she stopped going to gym owing to her hectic schedule after her promotion late November. But there she was, going to gym all along. From the day she started sleeping with this guy, she told her coworkers she has switched gyms across the street. I haven't even cared to ask where they did it. The missing underwear: this is so messed up. Sick. She had this realization midway in March that this was wrong. I don't know why I never saw this side of her but she began buying new underwear and throwing it off AS SOME FUCKING GUILT RITUAL. She said she couldn't get off that guilt of wearing the same underwear in bed with me as she worn hours earlier sleeping with that mf. Do you know how disgusting that feels? Who fucking does this - throw underwear because you want tp dust off guilt from having it worn during sex with a guy you've met and barely known? I was stand still, but I held up for the moment. She says she was confused and that she has backed away from this guy's advances since past one week. I don't believe any word of it. In fact I don't think I wanna believe what she's said. Also, the "tossing her underwear at workplace" was an excuse - yes, because back then I was driving and she didn't know how to react or what to say, so she made that excuse up. And here I was worrying whole day what it could be.

I later called Karen because we were both emotionally drained. I didn't even wait a bit after she arrived. Even Karen was shocked by the ramble. She later called me, because I had already left them in our apartment. It took me a while to get my thinking right and call my brother. I'll be crashing at his house for now.

Honestly I don't even wanna see her face ever. How can someone lie so perfectly? How can someone be so cold that they show no emotional change or discomfort when sleeping with two people??? WTF - she slept with me hours after she slept with that idiot? And throwing underwear was her means to get over that guilt. I don't understand her anymore. When she said it was all carnal, I didn't even know she believed in notion of sleeping around with people for physical needs. She said she still loves me and this was just something that made her feel good. I don't even know what to interpret of that. Honestly I think my thoughts are all over the place. But thank you - I don't know if I could have known about this if it wasn't for this post. It was after dinner did I realize that was trending on this sub, and this post made her take the mid-day train back home. I have so many questions. Part of me wants to see her again just to make sure she is alright. Part of me doesn't want to see her ever again. I have so many questions but I just avoided her by walking downstairs in no time. I had to ask my brother and his wife to pick some stuff off from home. Shit this is all messed up.

UPDATE 7: Final update here. AND thank you guys! This sub is frickin awesome.

UPDATE 4: Seriously guys, thank you!! I have been glued to my phone all morning along, except driving back home. It took me a lot of self-convincing to gather clues for a possibility that my gf might be selling it online. Back at home, we have place to archive open mails, receipts, bills and other important documents except for our social and other personal items. There were 6 receipts in total, 2 from Victoria's Secret and 3 from Target and 1 from Macy's. Against my rough counting, she had amassed some 28-30 pairs of new lingerie, including the one at the beginning of April. Two of these receipts had Karen's name on it (my gf's elder sister), I believe Karen has some kind of rewards card from VS. That itself accounts for 40% of her new purchases. Till now I though she had probably purchased 15 pairs, give or take. I don't wanna invade her privacy by sneaking her bank statements, because that would be a bit over the line. I cannot believe that she spent $1100+ on lingerie over past 45 days. That by itself is so fucking unusual. It's also odd that she hasn't paid using our RED card at Target (we have Target app on our phones). I am calling my brother over to get some clarity. I don't know if it would be right to login to her laptop and see her browsing history to confirm if she's selling her underwear online. I am just numbed atm.

Over the last two and half weeks my gf has bought close to 9 new pairs of lingerie. This is unusual because she bought some 7 new pairs somewhere at the beginning of April. Now I don’t mind a girl buying new lingerie, but this is unusual - she has close to 40 new pairs of lingerie, a count which keeps on decreasing every other day. Now I take out trash every given day, and I’ve observed that she hasn’t thrown her old lingerie in trash over past one week, while there’s no trace of it anywhere in our apartment. And yet she is missing 4-5 pairs from our common closet. She seems to act pretty normal, there’s no dent in her daily routine. But it boggles me why she is on this lingerie shopping spree? It’s not like she is amassing a stockpile of lingerie, her lingerie count is somewhat unchanged from the time before this madness. I couldn’t find trace of her old lingerie. Am I being paranoid? Am I missing something here feminine that’s otherwise normal? Should I ask her anything about it?

UPDATE 2: Alright I chatted with her while driving. I started off by asking her directly as u/fightmaxmaster suggested. She said something like she hasn’t been feeling good about her underwear fitting (old and new) while at work. So she has taken a new vow - if she finds any underwear incredibly uncomfortable, she will throw it off immediately. I asked her I haven’t noticed any in our trash (maintaining my casual tone) and she said since since we spend most our daytime at work she disposes it off in her workplace bin and carries pair of change underwear, like most women do. I even said to her jokingly “Oh, I was worried you were seelling your undies on eBay or something” (just to get some kind of an answer) and she ewwed my remark. Do women do that at work or get rid off their old undies when they find it uncomfortable like this? tbh, we moved together at the beginning of this year and this is the first time I’ve moved in with a girl, in a relationship. I don’t know what else I could do, since she has made it clear she drops it off in work trash and has not intention/fetish to sell it online.

Edit. Damn. So she has been cheating for a few months now. Poor OP. I’m sorry bro.

i hope she sees this.

One day someone will do the same to her. Karma will get her when she least expects it.

She’s a cheating bitch. There’s no excuse for what she did. Carnal or not. The amount of pain she caused him. She deserves all the karma that will come to her one day. And I hope OP will never ever take her even look at her direction. Get tested OP. Ghost her. She doesn’t deserve another moment of your time.

And live your best life so she can see what she lost and how bad she fucked up all because she wanted some other dick besides yours.

Right? But what about the bras. And my partners always told me that sexy lingerie is typically too uncomfortable to wear for long hours to work. Maybe that’s different now but my wife only wears the sexier stuff at home. So I dunno.

Yup. Based on numbers it’s not cheap stuff either. I agree with you. Either she’s selling it. Or wearing it fresh for someone else. But then what does she do with it. So selling seems the only logical answer?

Is everyone in this thread retarded? She is taking her underwear off at work to fuck a co-worker, then throwing out the underwear because if she kept wearing them they'd be covered in wet cum the rest of the day and "uncomfortable"; or she's letting they guy she's cheating on him with keep them. Bottom line is, she's fucking a co-worker. End of thread.

And my partners always told me that sexy lingerie is typically too uncomfortable to wear for long hours to work.

That depends on the brand. I've worked for a luxury lingerie brand (we're talking about entry price for a single bra at 220 dollars) and those are the most comfortable bras I've ever worn. The fit is sublime.

This is not even a "mistake". This is calculated cheating AND buying underwear/lingerie to go with it.
That says A LOT about her as a person.
From one female to another; You will get krama blown up in your face. What you did to your boyfriend is something he will struggle with for years. He will find it a lot harder to trust another girlfriend...because of your selfish actions.
If you wanna fuck other dudes you break up with your current partner first. Bitch. (Yeah, this is not a word I use often). Cheating leaves mental scars. What a nice thing to do to someone you "love".

Yeah no. This is not normal woman behavior. Nor is carrying around a spare pair of underwear. I dont know a single woman whos done either of those things unless she was cheating or was a cam girl. This is so out of place.

Edit: to the people below. Nothing in this post mentions incontinence or any other related standard issue for carrying around a spare pair of panties. Especially with how often she does it. So its not because of her period as mentioned in another comment. Also, some women do carry a spare, however the majority does not. Nor are those people who do, go out an buy new lingerie as much as this woman is. Nor do their lingerie sets such as bras as mentioned in OP, gone missing.

So, I did an experiment.

Out of 147 women at various ages in my office, 6 of them carry an extra pair. For incontinence. My coworker and I decided to do an anon poll after this post and a few comments received. 6 out of 147. Not a single one of them have ever throw panties away at work. Pointing at that its uncommon and not typical normal behaviour.

Out of 147 women at various ages in my office, 4 of them carry an extra pair. For incontinence. My coworker and I decided to do an anon poll after this post and a few comments received. 6 out of 147. Not a single one of them have ever throw panties away at work. Pointing at that its uncommon and not typical normal behaviour.

TBF, I do because I have urinary incontinence issues. I do use panty liners, but sometimes even those fail me and I have to change my underwear at work :/ HOWEVER, never have I thrown out my underwear at work...I put it in a plastic bag and then bring it home to wash (sounds gross I know, but I love my undies!).

This was a fascinating read- thank you for the updates. As a normal human woman I’m telling you there is absolutely no way her story is the truth. This is beyond belief unless she’s some kind of crazy person. I don’t have a good theory as to what she IS doing, however, I promise you that no woman is bringing new bras and underwear to work each day and then throwing the old ones away in her work bathroom and swapping them out. That’s a ridiculous story. Nope.

Completely agree. That’s the weirdest thing I’ve read in a while. Even if I had a bleed through at work I’d be too embarrassed of someone possibly finding the underwear in the trash so I’d probably dispose of them at home or something.

Also at this age most women know their bodies/cycles so if it was period related she should be prepared by now(extra pads or tampons). We as women KNOW which underwear will be comfortable or not so that excuse is BS too. And the amount spent is alarming too. I go undie crazy maybe 2-4 times a year and buy a bunch of the 3 or 5 packs from Marshall’s and they’re typically only like 9.99. So I spend maybe $40-50 and get a decent number of new panties. Yes VS is a lot more expensive than that but that is just A LOT of undies to buy in a short period of time.

Only other thing I can think of is maybe she’s having bladder problems and is too embarrassed to tell you? Idk. There’s just a lot of possibilities here. I think you just need to be honest and ask her straight up what’s really going on.

100%. I am a legendary overspender on clothes and accessories and sincerely in TWO whole years there is no way I spend that much on undergarments and absolutely no judgement but I would never buy a multipack of anything at a discount store, lol.

If she were having bladder problems why would she invest in so much expensive underwear that she knows she’s going to toss? That’s the time for the TJ Maxx panty folio if you ask me.

None taken, I’m just a broke bitch so I do what I can lmao. But I’m curious, is there a specific reason buying those are bad? I always make sure they are still completely attached with the plastic thingys so I know no one has tried them on. Or is it just cause they’re cheap quality?

Lol, they aren’t bad. I was have been a broke bitch for many years...they are fine! For me personally I feel like other kinds wash better and the elastic lasts longer. I hate when elastic gets all jacked up in the dryer and I find that the multipack types are the worst offenders.

the part about clearing out her drawers for uncomfortable pairs is not unreasonable to me. I just did a full clean-out of undies, bras, tights, spanx, camis, etc. in february and i had a shocking number of uncomfortable or ratty pairs. and a lot of the uncomfortable pairs weren't that old. i had bought them recently

You might want to prepare for some negative feedback for keeping detailed track of her inventory. It may come off as slightly paranoid and controlling. At no point in any of my current or past relationships would I have been able to tell how many sets of underwear my partner owns.

EDIT: And such interesting updates, too! Where can I buy some of your GF's underwear? Asking for a friend

EDIT2: I'd like to apologize to OP for being insensitive in my first EDIT. I had no reason to show a lack of respect for how this situation feels to you.

Thanks. What triggered me is that specific orange bra, that she knew put me in the right mood. I think since I never saw her in that bra for past few weeks, I began checking around in the apartment (and laundry room). I just updated this post with the conversation I had with her. Oh, I avoided telling her about the rough count of undies she has been missing, the moment she said something about disposing it off at her workplace.

Ok confession. When I was in my teens I wanted to try out thongs. I had one on and it was so uncomfortable I ripped the thing off in the school bathroom and threw it away deep deep in the trash can. Idk how people wear those things. So I can see her ripping it off at work but why get the same type over and over and keep taking them off at work. Doesn’t sound right. The thong thing happened to me one time and I said never again.

Honestly, she seemed pretty jovial, considering her mood swings initially when we moved in during her periods. I take that as sign that she is getting adapted to our new living protocol. I think I need more clarity from Karen and/or her mother - the two people who are closest to her besides myself and few of our friends through college.

Also I mean at least for me I only wear black undies specific for that time of the month. I know its easy to ruin undies so I have a specific selection of black panties to wear during that time of month. Way too expensive to be ruining that many pairs every single month!

My friend sells them for 10 - 20 depending on the pair and if its in a 'deal' with close up pictures (5 each) ripped off Google. It's like 4 for 4 basic thongs at our local shops so she's making so much from it.
Craigslist, dating accounts, private messages on dating sites or Instagram is how she gets business. Mostly meets in person but willing to post if they pay the postage and other stuff.

Cons, you have to spend a lot of time talking to guys, you have to make a relationship with most of them. Often you have to lie and tell them that sex is for regulars so that they will buy something. There's a lot who think they should get something free, who then turn aggressive or guys just getting off talking to you, wasting time and won't ever pay. She said you figure out who will pay and who won't over time. Regulars are where the true income is from, they're either usually very cut and dry(no attachment to you, you are just a supplier and these are deals) or obsessive. You will meet people you know. A lot of people only pay amazon gift cards and while it's great if you use it, it's practically useless if you need cash in hand or in your bank.

So Most women don't throw underwear and bras away at work. In fact, you can get in trouble for unprofessionalism.

Also how is she just throwing them away. Does her work have private bathrooms? If not she is walking out with a bra and panty set like it's nothing. Also if underwear is uncomfortable, mostly bras, The website you bought it from will take it back. No reason to throw it away.

Honestly most guys here have suggested that she might be selling it to other random dudes, which is too far fetched for someone like her. The more I read those comments, the more I feel like I should check if that's true (in spite of her eww-ing away to my remark made earlier today). I'm gonna call her during lunch break to talk over things.

I honestly dunno the case of missing undies, but I do know that her workplace has this gym in the building with shower room for women. I think she might be using that, at my best guess. But yeah, it would be bit trashy to drop someone's personal clothing at work. I assumed maybe she had some kinda period mishap. Again, not sure about it.

Not sure if she has bought it online. She usually goes shopping with her sister to Westfield mall nearby.

I've taken off underwear at work if I'm wearing a form fitting dress and the panty lines are obvious, but no way am I throwing them away. That shit's expensive. Especially if it's fancy, uncomfortable, impractical lingerie. And the fact that she has the foresight to think "I'm probably going to be so uncomfortable in this that I want to take it off, better wear it anyway and just bring some back ups".

I've noticed several people telling you, you shouldn't be policing her spending habits or that her inventory is none of your business.

I am going to tell you they are wrong. While yes, you shouldn't be controlling her spending (unless it is out of control)

You should be aware of it. Especially if you see a future with this woman.

Let me tell you a story, My mother loved to shop. My dad and us kids never thought anything of it. We never kept track of her inventory. We didn't have debt collectors/bill collectors calling us. She took care of the bills, so we thought all was well. Turns out she racked up $35,000 in credit card debit from shopping. She would buy things and never wear them or throw them out because she didn't like the way they looked on her.

Shopping is addictive. It provides a momentary rush of endorphins, similar to a high. The act of spending can easily get out of control.

Whether she is selling her underwear and lying about it or is on a spending binge. Neither are great.

That's a big one. Although thankfully, before moving in together we opened up about our finances, so that we don't see any surprises on financial front moving forward.

But yeah, four days ago I thought I might be the only one who would have though that her lingerie shopping spree was bit unusual. And here's the thing - it's not like she bought tens of shirts or dresses from the mall, she's not spending on lingerie. I mean this is the same woman who, like you might have experienced, craves for that extra thumbs up, while putting a new dress on. But sure, I'll be watchful. I was thinking of talking to her sister to see if she has any financial obligation that I might be unaware of?

Everyone has their poison or vice. For some it's gaming equipment. For other's shoes. Like someone else mentioned in this thread, it's lingerie. There is responsible and reasonable amounts you can spend and have it is about control.

Talking to her sister is a good idea. Especially since some of the receipts are in her name.

I would recommend writing everything down that you want to say. That way you can stay on topic when y'all have your discussion.

I'm not sure what's going on with your gf and I don't think it helps you to speculate why. Just know that this isn't normal behavior and try to approach her from a place of compassion as you try to find out why. It could be so many things (a weird addiction, sudden body dysmorphia - hating how she looks and trying to "fix" it with clothes, some other mental crisis, or yes, something she's deliberately trying to hide from you). If the reason behind this is something she's embarrassed about, there's no way she's going to tell you if you aren't coming to her with the attitude of, "I love you, I want to know what's going on, this isn't normal for you." Wishing you the best.

I'm sorry to say this, but I don't think she's selling her panties. I think she's fucking around with someone at work. I don't know anyone in their right mind who would KNOWINGLY wear something that they expect to be SO uncomfortable to work that they plan ahead of time to take it off and throw it away during the day.

Even if you believed this story about throwing them away at work, it's ok to ask details.
If my husband told me he threw his underwear away at work "like all guys do", I'd probably burst out laughing, but also be like "What? You just walk past everyone's desks with underwear in your hands and proudly toss them in the communal bin? How come I never see men doing this?"
Just because she has an answer to something doesn't mean you have to completely drop the conversation.
As to where it's actually going I don't know. There are some good theories on this thread.

Sometimes I say Ew to things I think the person I'm talking to dislikes it. I might like that thing alot, but I don't want to explain myself and be judged. I think maybe your partner is doing that, or doing somebody, rather than doing what she says she is doing.

24F here. I’ve got to be honest, reading the first part of this red flagged as cheating for me. Not saying it is but.. In past relationships, when the relationship is new, I like to buy new undies and bras. Something about wearing something for them that no one else has seen? I don’t know.

But her throwing them away at work seems so odd to me? I feel like that’s not something most women would do. I’m not saying it’s completely out of the question, but generally I know exactly what underwear in my dresser are comfortable or uncomfortable. I would have no issue going through right now and throwing away what I don’t like. I wouldn’t wear them to work and change at work and throw them away. That seems so strange to me.

I saw that. That just seems WILD to me. Probably because that’s never crossed my mind? Or because I don’t know any girls who do that? I don’t know lol I’m not ruling that out either, I’m just saying from personal experience I feel like cheating is probably where my mind would go first.

Is there a better way to ask her again (or rather tell her) that I find it strange that she's been disposing it off at her workplace. I alternately thought it might have something to do with her menstrual cycle or period and it might be incredibly offensive to ask her more about it if that might have been the reason.

I have ruined quite a few pairs of underwear due to my Menstrual Cycle. Most girls deal with and it usually only happens once. They also know not to wear certain underwears if it is an issue. That still doesn't explain the throwing them away, unless they are completely trashed. A little won't hurt, but a lot would be seeping out a ruining her slacks as well.

Doesn't explain the missing bras, though OP.

It's not offensive to know about your partners body. As long as you are gentle and sensitive about it. If it is her period causing her to go through underwear that is all well in good. But it should only be for a few days tops. Any longer than that and she either has an unregulated cycle that needs to see a Dr. Or it is something else.

Yeah. I think the more I think about it the more I'm pushing myself deeper down that shaft of uncertanity. So far I'd just noticed her missing lingerie, because we have a common closet for our other stuff besides a walk-in closet. Since I won't be able to talk to her for next 3 hours, I've been in a dilemma if I should spend the remainder of time looking around at house to see if it could explain this unusual behavior? But then again, I don't wanna be that guy who goes behind his gf's stuff when she's not around. I don't know. Maybe I'll just wait it out till lunch break.

I wouldn't call her at lunch. She has already deflected once. Not to mention she has limited time and it's just going to cause more issues.

This is a sit down in the comfort of y'all's own home and talking about it. To me the biggest issue is the lying over it. If she is selling them, that is all and well and good. But still a conversation about boundaries if you are uncomfortable with it.

If she is just throwing them out, that is a financial conversation. If you see a long term relationship with this woman, then it is a conversation to have. Yes it is her money, but massive spending like this can easily get out of hand. Let's say she is spending the average $50 per bra. Buying 5-7 new ones is $250-$350 a pop. Not including panties and tax.

I don’t think she selling them. What’s the point of selling them? To make money, right? So why is she turning around and buying more? Why would she just be wasting the money she’d be making if she sold them? Over $1000 you said? I think this is more of a sugar daddy situation than a selling panties situation. You need to shut your trap and ask her to hand over her phone when she gets home.

Yes. Around 1100. We moved in together keeping our finances separate though. But yeah, based on initial set of responses I though she might be selling it online, though it’s pretty hard for me to imagine this. I can access her laptop anytime I want, but I don’t want to. I might just ask her instead as others here have pointed out.

The way you just asked. "I think its weird that ypur throwing away your underwear at work". Dude, it sounds like you want a way to casually ask without causing her to get upset and at the same time put you at ease. This path does not exist. I think your pussyfooting cuz you dont want the answer. Come at her straight and get to the bottom of this. Everybody needs reassurance.

You know what, I never walked into my office building. I just took a train back home to think it through. I'll just need to muster up some courage to ask a bit more directly this time, perhaps during her lunch break.

Or at home. Imma be real with you. If you start asking the right questions she could get defensive. And the public is not the fourm for that firefight. Really, just think about everything you want her to reassure for you. And if you cant think of anything look her dead in her mf eyes and ask "Are you cheating on me?". If she asks why tell her the lingerie thing is freaking you out a bit and she if she locks up and refuses to answer kindly ask her for a "yes" or a "No". Shes either gonna keep defending (red flag) or tell the truth.

Thanks. I guess I didn't want to be direct in first place and that back in my mind I still wanna believe that it's something stupid, you know. I'm gonna call her somewhere during lunch break, while I get back home within next hour.

I did casually ask her few nights ago, “Hey, where that bunny like orange bra that I crave for” (okay don’t take that verbatim) and she ignored to answer my question. That’s the only time I asked her about something she looked incredibly sexy when we were in mood.

And then you repeated the question, and she said...? I mean this isn't a move where you ask, she ignores it and we cut to "2 weeks later"! Just ask again, tell her that her not answering you is a bit weird/rude and you'd like an answer. This isn't rocket science, but it does sound sketchy and you need to be more assertive in getting to the bottom of it.

I think I’ll ask her in next 30 minutes. We take one car to the train station, before we take trains to opposite directions. Should I be like “Hey what’s with your lingerie overhaul?” or something like “Hey how do I don’t find that orange bra that makes you look incredibly sexy?”. I don’t know how much direct is too direct.

There's no "too direct". It's a really simple question that should have a really simple answer. Her being unwilling or unable to give that simple answer indicates a real problem. You don't have to accuse her of anything, but that's a genuine question. "Your lingerie keeps disappearing, where's it going?"

I think she is one of those ‘I prefer books than scroll through reddit’ kind of a girl, if that matters. It’s hard for me to fathom that. Honestly, she doesn’t seem like that kinda girl in our three yo relationship.

That you never really know anyone as well as you think you do brof. That’s what it means.

Tons of posts on here everyday saying how they’ve always known their SO so well and then boom. Something they never thought in a million years their SO would do...and that’s people whose lives together years and years, decades. Not a short period.

Selling used underwear is a good business. I’ve seen it here on Reddit, that’s actually how I know about it. I think it’s gross but then there’s people who enjoy golden showers and more, so...but that’s also likely why she wouldn’t really admit to it.

I wanted to say maybe she changed her underwear after work for someone else so she’s fresh, but since they just go missing and in such numbers....selling is more likely.

Also. No offense. But most “sexy” lingerie is not super comfortable to wear to work too...at least that’s what my partners always told me.

That you never really know anyone as well as you think you do brof. That’s what it means. Tons of posts on here everyday saying how they’ve always known their SO so well and then boom. Something they never thought in a million years their SO would do...and that’s people whose lives together years and years, decades. Not a short period. Selling used under wear is a good business. I’ve seen it even here on Reddit. I think it’s gross but then there’s people who enjoy golden shower and more, so...but that’s also likely why she wouldn’t really admit to it.

Honestly, her routine is unchanged. She is usually back home around 7. I tend to be back home earlier because my work is 20 minutes away via train ride. I don't think I can pin point which lingerie is which from the receipt. But I guess I need to confront her this time and ask her why she has racked up $1200+ on lingerie purchases and why does she have receipts that were paid by her sister. I haven't seen much aversion/neglect in our sex life either. I think it might be incredibly space evading if I were to question her financial spending; it's her hard earned money, so I might have little to say about how she spends it.

How do you know her sister is paying for this underwear? My first thought was that your girlfriend simply had a shopping addiction, but this part is a little weird to me.

Even if you two keep your finances separate, you are within your rights to end a relationship over dramatically different financial values. Spending this much money on underwear definitely counts.

Maybe your girlfriend is a weirdo and actually is throwing away underwear at work- that is something worth calling her out for anyway, because that's weird, unprofessional, and wasteful.

If I were you I would definitely try to get to the bottom of this spending and her sneaky behavior. Tell her that you suspect that she is hiding something from you, and you don't appreciate the secretiveness.

That’s the most likely explanation - the receipt had rewards points and member information, and I remember dropping her off at westside mall on multiple occasions. She was with Karen because she used to wait by the curbside, every time are dropped my gf off (sometimes Karen used to pick my gf from our house when she needed to go shopping, especially getting stuff for her newborn son). I think Karen is the kind of a woman who has reward cards for any retailer you might think of walking into.

You are right about one thing - I do need to be direct with my gf, and not treat this confrontation as a “casual” enquiry about something that’s been bothering me for last few days.

Yeah. It’s a tough situation to be sure because you don’t know how to approach it right. The wrong approach and she’ll shut down or just deny everything as it may be something even she considers gross. She may even feel it’s disgusting what people do with her used underwear (I can only imagine), but honestly all she does is wear it, maybe a few other small things, then pack it and send it and get paid. Then out of mind out of sight. But if you look around Reddit you can see how much it’s selling for.

As far as why her sister is paying for it, that’s even more weird tbh. And if she’s selling it, 1200$ worth of sold lingerie should be a huge profit return. But if you don’t share finances then she has no real reason to tell you how much money she has anyway.

And as far as sex life, again, I don’t think she’s cheating, but this is just to cover that point. There have been cases on here alone where the person posting who caught their SO in affairs says their sexual life has been fantastic if not just healthy. Just letting you know that it doesn’t always mean sex life has to dwindle when there is infidelity. But again, I can’t stress it enough, I’m not saying she’s cheating. At least I hope she isn’t. She could just be selling them or who knows what.

You need open and honest communication for a relationship to work. If something is seriously bothering you (amount she spends on lingerie, her lingerie mysteriously going missing with no good explanation, her not answering your questions directly, etc), you need to be able to talk to her about that. Just bottling it up won't help and will lead to problems in the long run.

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I do not think it is space invading to talk to your potential life partner about how you are feeling about anything. Maybe she'll tell you she doesn't want to tell you about it, and then it's up to you to either accept that or move on. But regardless, you should be able to talk to her about your thoughts and feelings.

Thanks. I have been gradual when it came to crossing boundaries and trying to give each other some space, since it’s been barely 4 months we’ve moved in together. I’m gonna confront her this time, without any reservations earlier today morning. Though I’m teetering between doing this over the phone or perhaps taking to her in-person once she’s back.

You have to talk to her in person. There are so many visual cues and body language tells that you can use to help gauge the situation and frame her words. She says "It's nothing" on the phone and you can only go off that. If she says "It's nothing" in person yet avoids eye contact, tries to change the subject, or turns away from you, it's likely not nothing. You can get so much more from talking to her in person. Even a phone call has an ending. She can just hold out and lie during the call. Which you likely won't get anymore info, and then when you bring it up later in person she will be "we JUST talked about this twice already" and shut you down. If you talk to her in person this second time, you can ask her, read body language, continue a conversation, and then see how she acts afterwards to frame it all.

OP mentioned the wife had one particular lingerie that she knew he liked... and he hadn't seen it in many months. And that led to him noticing that there was a ton of new lingerie laying around/packages.

LOL.. she is totally selling them.. My wife loves buying new bras and panties.. but not like those amounts.. That gf is clearing selling them. I have mostly all female friends and i asked one of them about ditching underwear at work and they were like Ew .. Why ? Thats strange.

Oddly i have texted a few of my friends to ask them this question and they all have stated ..no .. why would they.. That is odd.. Now im fielding the questions of why i wanted to know this from them.. LOL.. a few of them have laughed and said oh yeah shes got to be selling them.. at least shes not buying tons of socks.. :P

I'm terribly jealous usually but wouldn't give 2 shits if my bf were selling used underwear to random women on the internet. If it's making him money good for him. He's not meeting them or sleeping with them so who cares.

Pictures would bother me to an extent but for the most part I doubt he's wanting and willing to hook up with the types of people who want to buy dirty underwear from strangers. With pictures it really matters who he's showing them to and why. Obviously I'd be a lot less broken up over an anonymous purchaser of underwear seeing his pics, add opposed to some girl he actually knows and who he's interested in.

This is a sarcastic joke right? Because if you're being serious, even if she is selling underwear and lying to you about it, I would still without reservation consider you breaking up with her for it to be her who dodged a most horrific bullet. Not you.

I think selling them seems less likely than some better explanation that I've not yet thought of. Got to say that throwing underwear at work is really weird. I'd never do that and would be super weirded out to find used underwear in the bathroom trash at work.

And honestly - I know exactly which underwear is uncomfortable. No need to put it on, be uncomfortable all the way to work and strip naked at work to put on new ones.

Her cheating might be a possible explanation but it's not super likely either. Chances are it might be true and she's just weird. People are :)

Upon the update, it seems like the worst case scenario. She never felt bad about what she was doing to you, she felt bad about how it made her feel. I mean, throwing away the lingerie that reminded her of you was sufficient to assuage her guilt enough to keep fucking him.

Remember, every excuse she has given has been about what she feels, needs, wants. A relationship is supposed to be a partnership--where you take care of each-other as much as yourself. She has clearly shown you that she places herself much higher than you, and so the ball lands in your court.

Most relationships are entered under monogamous circumstances. Generally, if that isn't the case, it'll be otherwise stated. Did she ever tell you that you were free to go fuck other women "as long as it was for physical needs only"? Or was this little relationship-loophole kept one-sides?

She'll never come out and admit her wrongdoing in the situation--her entire self-narrative is built on the assumption that she can do no wrong as the protagonist. The best you can do is cut your losses, move on, and feel free to put her truth on blast to anybody who asks. If she wasn't lying to you this time, then she was lying to her friends as well.

Read update: anytime anyone does anything that seems shady or "off" in regards to something that is somewhat sexual (like lingerie can be and often is) then it is almost always the case that something sexual is going on that they do not want you to know about.

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I think reddit seriously overestimates the amount of innocent but weird shit that happens in day to day life.

I mean, if they are together in the same house. And he says no routines have been changed.
It was a very weird situation which I obviously thought about this outcome but the chances were so slim.
But some people are just psycho and think it's OK having sex with others

This was how I found out my ex wife was a spending addict. My first fear was affair as it's one of the "signs"

Massive increase in underwear sets which was driven by huge self image issue and a she lost weight meaning she started to look good in them (in her eyes), she started to wear stuff like it was disposable and the real issue was the need to spend and body confidence.

Everything went downhill real quick after that, as she continued to lie about it.

Bottom line, she needs to tell you what is going on because the work excuse just doesn't wash and there are several possibilities which you should not be forced to play sherlock homes with.

I’m truly baffled that you didn’t immediately assume that she was cheating after that bullshit excuse of “throwing it off at work.” I could’ve told you that your girlfriend was cheating before you even finished the original post. Really don’t know how you thought she could’ve been selling it online.

I know many around here aren’t fans of his, but I heard a quote by Jordan Peterson on trust you might relate to. “Most people who trust are naive. And being naive is a fault. You have to trust people because you’re courageous.” I think understanding the risks of trust is key to being able to do it safely.

Please please please get to a doc or clinic and get yourself tested for everything, and do the same in six months. A non-inconsequential number of sexually active adults have STDs they are oblivious to. Some are pesky, some are more than just pesky. HIV takes a while to show up - so talk to the doc about repeating the test every so often to be sure you are in the clear.

You didn’t just sleep with her, you effectively slept with him, and all of the women he has slept with, and all of the men those women have slept with.

Sending up good thoughts for you. Chronic liars fuck with your mind...

She may not be up to anything shady... maybe. But you know damn well she is NOT scooping up her old underwear, taking it to work, and then throwing it away. Maybe she’s selling it, maybe she’s fucking her boss... I don’t know. But I do know she’s lying.

100% chance, without a shadow of a doubt she is selling them. I wouldn't give a shit personally, I would be more mad that she was lying/hiding things like this. Incels and weird fetish dudes will pay big loot for panties 😐

Eh. She flat denied to her intention of selling underwear. She said she disposed off any uncomfortable lingerie she has encounters lately at work, because that’s where we spend most our day time. I work on the other end of town. And I arrive home a bit early, most of the times. Her daily routine seems unchanged, something that I can affirm. Nothing has changed really, in my opinion.

It sounds strange to me too, But then it must be a woman thing, I suppose. So many guys have pointed out she might be selling them to random dudes that my mind is fucked up into believing that if not eBay it must be Craigslist. I think I’ll just sit on this for a while.

AGREED. And ditching your panties at work isn't a woman thing. I'm 65 now and I've done it 3 or 4 times in my life. What I have done, in my single days, is to present them as a sort of trophy to someone (not hundreds of dollars' worth though).

Who knows, maybe she lost her job an doesn't want to tell you, so is selling underwear to maintain appearances? Maybe there's an underwear broker at work that takes care of the dirty work of selling, and gets a cut? Never know unless you ask.

I thought about it briefly when I learned how much people were paying. I mean, if you could sell the underwear you wear daily for $20-50+ (often more if you wear them multiple days or meet specific requests like "lacy blue thong"), wouldn't you be tempted by that easy cash?

Dude what is this 'woman thing' stuff you keep mentioning over and over... you're 24? you don't know what normal adult humans do?

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Her extreme reaction alone to what you asked her pretty much verifies she's selling it online. Maybe you guys are wealthy, but when I was 24, no way I could burn through nice lingerie like that. And even if say, you have your period and stain your underwear, you don't throw them away immediately, and if you are, you don't do it at work. You discretely put it in a disposal bag (which are in a women's bathroom for tampons/napkins) and you take it home or elsewhere. I work both a service industry and an office job, and nowhere on that professional spectrum would tossing your underwear at work be normal.

She's selling it, just decide if you're okay with it or not and tell her. Her lying about it kind of psycho though. I get that it's easy money but clearly she knows what it is and feigned outrage, which speaks more to her character than selling the stuff.

OP one thing people don't seem to be considering re the selling them online thing is that people usually sell panties. If she's buying bras as well that's way weirder. Similarly I don't get why she'd throw away or lose her bras if she were cheating. Sure there may be evidence on the panties but not on the bra as well surely. And there'd be no reason to leave a bra at another guy's place either.

U insane? op stumbled upon some receipts of her gf ... and they had some common area to stow away their stuff. I live with my bf and he sours like a cute dog when he craves to see me in thongs. Maybe op's gf nested this new pair at this new guy's place. I get it we women have our own weird quirks here and there. But with op's gf did to him is simply inexcusable. She lied.

I had my ex cheating on me with this girl he met at office party. Not exactly coworkers but some random girl from other department. He was sleeping with her for few months and you know how he reciprocated guolt - by being super nice and more romantic to me. I would have never guessed he was sleeping around if it wasn't for his extravagant purchases for her racked up on his cc. Atleast men do show guilt with they sleep with other women in little ways of their own. Grow up clownbutter. I hope you are not a teen baking conspiracies here.

Most women with a shred of conscious would have behaved and acted differently after she started sleeping with that guy. But you said her behavior never changed around you; That's how much she didn't care about you. But she threw away the undies because she was protecting her own conscious and not yours. Don't even think about worrying about her mental state or whatever; do not talk to her and erase her completely from your memory and life. I can't believe she said "it was all carnal". How about I'm so sorry I'm a lying bitch and I don't deserve you but instead has the never to tell you it was just carnal? For men, that's probably the biggest betrayal, I don't think she understands men in general and she certainly never cared about you. Bro, I hope this doesn't leave tremendously scarred, except I have a feeling it will. I hope you recover fast from this.

If I may ask, is it unusual for a woman to buy 25-30 pairs over a span of 45 days? I think I have been getting vagrant explanation as to how such a shopping spree is more likely a means to sell it online.

To me because I like options, so that's not all that bad. Last week I threw out 3 pairs(1 used 2 brand new), just because they didn't feel right (i tried to give them to my friend the 2 brand new ones never woren but she didn't like the lace). You can't really try on new underwear before you buy them either, so your girlfriend might just be having trouble with finding something she likes, or she might want backups too just incase. It makes it harder buying this stuff online too, don't get me wrong, it's convenient, but seeing them online and seeing them at a store is way different.

I’ll take your word for it. Thanks. I mean living together I never realized her shopping habits when we were in a relationship for 2.5 years, so I never realized her shopping habits when we lived two blocks apart, I guess.

Like my dad says you never truly know someone until you live together, so you're going to learn alot about each other lol! If you're worried about her cheating. You'll know, and you'll feel it. I truly don't believe that's the case though, she also might be trying to be more sexy for you, or doesn't want you to think something (like she's gross for not having enough) I had this problem when I first started dating a guy in school. I had like 2 or 3 pairs at the time that looked exactly alike he was being an @ss one day and said I never changed my panties. My husband now (different guy) could careless, when I'm in a crap mood he puts them on over his face and chases the cats around for fun to make me laugh. I hope you talk to each other, and calm your mind. You obviously care, or wouldn't be on here asking, right? So should ask and talk, see if there's something wrong with her, or has something on her mind.

It’s good to hear that. I think we just need an open line between us. I created this throwaway 4-5 days ago, it’s just that it took me a while to post on this sub because I wasn’t sure if something as trivial as that missing orange bra was worth discussion for theories that have unfolded into her unusual behavior.

I think we make decent living with our jobs. My focus has been to pay off my student loans, and she thrives to do that too. I think she could have written 1100 off as miscellaneous expenses, after paying for rent, bills, student loans, groceries and other monthly expenses. Honestly I haven’t paid much attention to her shopping habits during our three year relationship period. Her credit card debt is normal (she has seeked guidance from me in the past to better trim her liabilities and solely focus on student and cc loans; I insisted her to use my Subaru and use saved money towards student loans, that would have otherwise gone towards her new car’s auto loans payments).

It doesn’t matter what is happening with her underwear. What matters is that she has been cheating on you for months. And she lied to you when you inquired.

It take a special/terrible person to be able to cheat on his/her partner...nevermind for months on end, with changing her daily routine and lies to cover-up lies.

You should just end this relationship because you’ll never forget that this happened no matter what you tell yourself. You will never completely trust her again. You deserve a trustworthy partner that wouldn’t ever think about hurting you.

I think your girlfriend is just addicted to shopping, probably specifically lingerie since she probably likes the feeling of seeing new lingerie on her body, hence why she's throwing away old ones, since they just don't do the same as new ones do.

Anyway that's my take.

Unlike most people in this thread, I don't think she's selling them OP, mainly because of what you said here:

she spent $1100+ on lingerie over past 45 days

She just can't be making that much profit, and realistically if she was selling undies she'd wouldn't be buying expensive ones.

I think your girlfriend is addicting to shopping, probably specifically lingerie since she probably likes the feeling of seeing new lingerie on her body, hence why she's throwing away old ones, since they just don't do the same as new ones do.

Im so sorry OP. At least you finally found out the truth? Please get tested and don’t waste any more time on her. You’re so much better than that. She’s most likely insecure and cheated to gain validation from others that she’s beautiful/worthy of being loved. Not that you didn’t assure her of that, but insecurity is a bitch. You deserve better.

A cunning habit I've developed is to wait till my SO is cuddling/leaning on me before confronting. That way I can feel her heartbeat speed up, which happens when someone is lying/going into damage control mode, but doesn't generally happen if they're being honest.

Do women do that at work or get rid off their old undies when they find it uncomfortable like this?

To my knowledge and from my experience, no. I've never heard of anyone doing getting rid of their underwear at work (even if it was uncomfortable) unless they shit themselves or got blood on their panties by accident. I've never taken an extra pair of underwear to work or school, nor have I heard of someone doing that unless they had seriously heavy periods or wanted to change their underwear after gym/swim class. Also who the hell spends over a thousand dollars on underwear and wears it once (to work!? Not the bedroom) and throws it out? Lingerie isn't supposed to be/going to be comfortable, because it's meant to be taken off quickly...

How long had it been since she bought new underwear before this? Maybe she just wanted to refresh an easy/fun element of her closet. (Did she perhaps get a tax refund in early April?)

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Has she gained or lost weight recently?

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Are you sure the ones with her sister's name on it *aren't* for her sister? There's a huge difference between 15 pairs (imo, totally reasonable if you just want new underwear and happen to have the cash) and 30 pairs. Maybe they went shopping together.

I’ve read through so many comments and hardly seen anyone say this. Like come on it’s pretty damn obvious. Who the hell spends that much on lingerie and then throws old shit out??? Selling it online lmao. Riiiight ok. She’s totally smashing someone.

I am not saying something sketchy isn’t going on, but I will say (1) I keep an extra pair of underwear in my car. (2) I have needed it several different times as my cycle is unpredictable and out of control at times. (3) I have disposed of underwear at work due to my cycle issues or due to them being totally uncomfortable. However...I have never purchased that amount of underwear at one time and that seems odd to me.

Let her see this comment, & all of them.
She’s a lying cheating slut. There’s not a nice way to put it.
Don’t even bother wasting your time or energy with that skank.
Also please Don’t be intimate with her! STDS or pregnancy is not worth it.
She’s disgusting, & quite stupid with her rituals to not feel dirty. Don’t want to feel dirty? Then she should have not cheated.
What a dumb terrible woman

Wow that escalated fairly quickly. I feel horribly sorry for you as I’ve gone through similar struggles... you may think this is a life halt for you but it is just the beginning. Personally I am thankful you found this out (and it didn’t go on any longer) and am excited for you to unleash your full potential! You sound like a caring, compassionate person and someone will be lucky to have and respect you one day, OP. Good luck to you.

OP, if anything I would frame a conversation around a shopping addiction. Spending that amount of money on anything is a red flag, and on one type of item it’s a huge red flag. Sometimes people go through serious trauma and fall into these weird behaviors. Maybe she keeps changing her underwear because she’s had some trauma...maybe ask her about it and let her know it’s a very serious red flag. Ask her if she’s ok and that you just want to make sure she’s alright.

People are suggesting cheating or that she’s selling them online and maybe she is, I can’t say. But it’s also possible that she’s suffering from ptsd or something related.

I would never even consider throwing underwear at work away. I find it even more weird that she would take them with her to work to toss them. To me this is not even a remote possibility. If I soiled then I would throw them in the trash in the ladies room immediately. But I would never take them to work to toss. Actually I’d never throw them out at any establishment other than at home. This includes giving them to a thrift store. Yuck

I can confirm - she hasn't thrown anything in trash (home) yet. We have a small trash chute that we clear off every other day. She did asserted she threw it off at work because she didn't wanna carry it home, knowing that she's not gonna use it anyways. I think she must be using the ladies room, otherwise her mention of "trash bin" would be trigger some for her employers to have someone dropping their undies in a trash can meant for coffee cups and waste paper.

Definitely makes a bit more sense. But, in my life I wouldn’t consider taking off my panties at work and tossing them at some point in the day and heading home without any. I know what underwear I don’t like before I even grab them. If they are that annoying I won’t even put them on in the first place. It’s also weird to me because where I work I wouldn’t want someone walking I to the bathroom when I’m slipping my pant legs off and taking my panties off. I would have to ask other girl friends their opinion but to me this is absurd.

Oh my God, chill out. I'd say she probably has a lot of discharge or could be getting bleeds in between her periods. She's probably embarrassed to tell you and I can see why. She should be able to throw out her underwear without you going on a search hunt for them. I would leave it be and let her have her privacy or she will be the last girl you will live with.

Female here. I honestly think she's selling used panties online, or she's found a sugar daddy. I have on one occasion sold two pair of used underwear and two pair of used socks to someone for $60. There is definitely a market for men who want to pay lots of money for used underwear. I also say sugar daddy because that kind of money on lingerie isn't cheap at all. I couldn't justify spending that much money on other clothes in general, let alone just lingerie pieces.

Best to just confront her, directly. State something like "I've done a bit of digging, and I know you're not being truthful. I've found receipts. I want the truth about this or I can't continue this relationship. I won't judge you and I'll try to be understanding, as long as you are completely transparent and honest about this." It can come off as controlling that you went through her things, but sometimes people only find out things that they need to know through snooping. It isn't always justified, but it can be under certain circumstances. You're worried about her doing something behind your back, and relationships are all about respect, honest communication, and work. If she respects you, she will tell you why she's acting fishy. If she won't be honest, this is probably something worth leaving the relationship over. Lies are not okay in any relationship. There's no room for that.

Looking forward to an update, OP. Good luck. Sorry that this situation is causing you such distress. I hope it turns out well.

Wow OP. I'm really sorry this happened. That's completely fucked up. Glad your out of there. Phase her out of your life. Don't give her any time. My girlfriend left me not long ago and I just blocked her. It's helped me to move on easier. Itll help you alot to do that.

If your Ex is reading this. Well... i can safely say that your a very fucked up individual for what you've done. Cheating is such a painful thing to do to someone. I hope one day you understand that feeling. So you can learn and grow.

I sold lingerie for 10 years and I’m a 29F. If it’s out of her personality to sell underwear then she’s probably going on spending sprees and hiding the purchases. A lot of women I know, myself included, don’t want their partners to know how much they spend on clothes so they hide the purchases in the trunk of their car and all kinds of places. It’s so common here it’s a funny joke I make when checking customers out. Hell I had a coworker with a whole closet of secret clothes at her parents house and Carrie Bradshaw on Sex in the City kept clothes in her oven. Women are weird. I’ve also thrown under garments away at all sort of random places and have never cheated on my boyfriend or sold my panties. There’s a very real possibility you just have a shopaholic on your hands. I’d bet half those purchases are stashed at her sisters. Also not to throw 20 something ladies under the bus but if she has the credit limit to buy $1000 worth of panties she’s at the age she may do it just because they’re pretty. Shopping gives you endorphins. She’s just getting high off Victoria’s Secret.

So.... something to consider. Dropped this post on my gf and she suspects that if she's probably cheating then she's probably getting creampied from some guy then needing to get rid of it because of the leaks/stain afterwards.

It would make sense that she threw a sexy pair of expensive undies away if she didn't want it seen by you at home. The stains are pretty significant and quite easy to see on a day where you didn't have sex.

Some other things she mentioned, sometimes women bleed 24/7 due to some conditions and she might be destroying them? But at this point why buy expensive sexy stuff...

I (22/F) really can't think of an explanation for her behavior other than the selling used underwear thing or some really specific psychological explanation (lingerie-specific shopping addiction?). I know you say she's grossed out by the idea of selling underwear and she may very well be but honestly my bf would say the same of me...despite the fact that in reality I don't really see a problem with it. I probably would have done it myself at times I've been strapped for cash but haven't really only cause I know my bf hates the idea of it. And he would hate the idea of me NOT hating the idea of it, which is why I don't argue about it and just say "ew" when it gets brought up. I could be totally wrong ofc but I just can't think of a different explanation.

Also as far as going thru her stuff goes, I usually err on the side of respecting privacy but this is kind of a specific scenario which may involve a risk to your combined financial future or the boundaries you've set out in your relationship (I'm assuming that if she is selling underwear, that isn't okay with you, particularly since if that's the case she's lying to your face about it). I think you're within your rights to do some digging. Just keep in mind that if she finds out that you've been in her things/keeping tabs it's likely she'll make the conversation about that and things will get further away from the issue at hand; tread carefully.

Thanks for your reply. Honestly, I have been way more cautious around her ever since we moved in, than I was before, when we lived close to one another. I can confirm my doubts by just looking over her bank statements, while are unsealed, but I'm sure if I bring this back to her, it might chaotic at best, since I'm the bf who goes over her stuff and perhaps cause that breach of trust. Honestly, I love this woman, and I cannot letting hastiness ruin something beautiful we have built up over past few years.

But yes, I'll try to be direct to her this time. God, how the heck did I become such a sissy for not asking her blatantly since we moved in!

Bro I’m so sorry. Saw your update. So sorry man. This sucks. You did the right thing by leaving. She doesn’t deserve you. This wasn’t a 1 time mistake.

Now cut her out of your life like a cancer that she was and focus on you. Block her on everything so you can grieve without her reminding you of the pain and move on. It’ll get worse before it gets better but it’ll get better.

Gym will help because those post work out endorphins will give you a bit of a high. Keep busy. My inbox is always open if you need it. Come here and update us on how you’re doing.

Lol when I read the first portion of your post, I was going to say that it’s totally normal for her to do that... basing this on the fact that I love underwear shopping and routinely have an abundance and have to get rid of some... however I don’t dispose of them anywhere else but my home. I guess it depends on the person.. in your case it ended up to be something shitty hidden under the surface but for some girls stress relief is literally panty shopping 😂😂😂😂

Wow. I only came onto this thread after the many updates. Sorry for all that OP. I know some people go too quickly to the dump them advice, but in this case I think it’s appropriate. She cheated, lied a ridiculous lie about the cheating, slept with you two hours apart. Gross. Get tested as like your first priority after having the difficult conversation you’re about to have. Sorry, the internet feels for you dude :(

Maybe she’s buying it for a bachelorette party or for her friends and they pay her back, I’ve gotten underwear for my friends when I was a teenager because their moms wouldn’t let them wear thongs, also $1100 is a lot unless she’s super rich, I doubt it’s a cheating thing but it sounds like maybe she’s not telling you something

As a female who has a slight lingerie obsession I am very confused by this story. I love buying new lingerie but I only throw out my old ones when they are extremly worn (think 2 years plus) and then often I still dont throw them out because they're comfy. Seeing as it's sexy lingerie as well this is even weirder because those are not things I'd wear to work. Just wanted to say that this is not normal lingerie behaviour, even for a lover.

But: when you confront her again, make sure to not drop too much on her. If my bf would have made up this entire theory without checking with me I would be pretty offended. So confromt her woth the evidence, why have you bought so much and where is it and push on that. Dont start about selling it online, bc that goes a little far in my opinion

To be honest my first thought isn't that she is selling it but that she is trying to impress someone new and maybe is leaving it at their house :/ Also I think that if you live together, you should be comfortable talking and sharing about how you spend your money and I would never ever throw away my panties anywhere but my own house but idk

it is 100% not normal for women to just switch and take off underwear during the day at work... wtf, i've never heard that in my life. this whole thing does seem unusual, i would be in the same mindset as you.

It's an interesting probability question. If a random person came up to you and told this story, then you'd think "low probability, most likely BS". But here we have 100s of posts a day from people that supposedly need advice. The oddest ones draw attention and you see them. So, now it's "do I believe this happened to someone somewhere given the writing, etc and made its way here?". It raises the odds a fair degree.

The whole thing does seem very odd. The first thing that came to my mind is, is she cheating?

A lot of this discussion is around her selling her underwear.... but then why is she buying new bras? Has her weight changed recently? I know when I've gained weight, it goes to my ass and my chest- maybe she is uncomfortable saying that. However, if the overall number of underwear hasn't changed, I find it very very odd she would throw it out at work. That's really awkward to do, no? Is she having money problems?

I think you should just be upfront with her and ask her again what is going on, and where they are going. If you feel like something is off, then it probably is.

Ghost. Get your shit and get out while she is at work. Don’t speak to her again. For me, knowing she had sex with me after some other dude, just no. At least she had the respect to be honest once she knew you knew something was up. Disappear. Forgiving her is the same as condoning what she did.

I have done the exact same thing multiple times. I lost some weight and things weren't fitting correctly. I would get annoyed at work and get rid of them. Doing that was more desirable than having them make me uncomfortable for the rest of the day. I didn't always have the foresight to have an extra pair with me though, ha. I don't think it's weird at all and I think if nothing else is off, and your girlfriend has been trustworthy then I wouldn't worry about it. Sometimes you just need to refresh your wardrobe and commit to comfort.

Hang on i must live under a rock because why would any one want to sell their panties!? Its definitely weird, esp if You aren't seeing the lingerie, like if she's not dressing up in them for you every night I would be very concerned just because like wtf is she doing with it all if you aren't getting the goods! I literally just went out and spent like $200 on new lingerie. My boyfriend has already seen all of it though as he is the only one I'm buying for to enjoy. I hope you solve the issue with your gf and I hope its something simple. I would be very weirded out if she's selling her undies lol

When I first started reading the post, I thought that maybe you thought she was cheating on you, not that she was selling them. It's odd to me that you would jump to the conclusion that she was selling her underwear.

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I have a friend that never wears used socks. She always wears a new pair and then throws them away after she uses it. I once read about the poop story on here too, where a woman used socks as toilet paper. Point is, people are weird and have unusual quirks. She could actually be telling the truth in that she throws away expensive underwear at work.

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A few things:

Let's say she's selling her underwear. So what? She mails people her underwear and they pay her for it. It may not be a dignified way of earning money, but it's a legitimate job, imo. It's not cheating and she doesn't even have to see the person.

You say she's your girlfriend, not a wife, so I'm not sure why it's any of your business how she spends and throws away her money.

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The thing you REALLY need to worry about:

That you don't seem to trust her and that stems from some insecurity on your end or something sour in the relationship that has nothing to do with what she is doing with her panties.

Even if she is lying to you about something, again, that stems from lack of trust. For some reason, she has rightly decided that you cannot be trusted to tell everything to, and I say rightly because you want to browse her internet history. She obviously gets the vibe from you that she can't be forthright about everything.

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You guys need to sit down and talk about your relationship, and not her panties.

The part about deciding at mid day at work that it is uncomfortable makes zero sense. She already knows which pairs are comfortable or not. Think about your own underwear. Every pair you own, I could ask - is this comfortable. For any of them would you be like: hmmm I forget, let me wear it half a day and decide whether I like it or not then...

She’s wearing them and selling them used. There’s a legit fetish where men are into buying women’s used underwear. I’m betting that’s what she’s doing. Has she suddenly had an influx of disposable funds? Keep an eye out for that.

Throwing away any clothes at work is odd, and probably the result of an embarrassing experience (spilled something, shit your pants, ran into a wet paint wall, etc.). What someone wouldn't do is throw away lingerie at work for any reason, let alone the asinine reasons she gave you.

Best case scenario she is having MASSIVE bouts of incontinence at work (that somehow also ruins her bras?), and has been too embarrassed to tell you.

Middle case scenario is shes selling used lingerie online out of some desire for physical validation, a greater ability to contribute to the relationship, or the like.

Worst case scenario she's cheating on you with a guy that had a penchant for taking/ruining lingerie.

I’m sorry if I’m wrong but everything about this post feels fake. How could you have been adamant nothing had changed from her daily routine and then you said that her routine is so hectic that you didn’t even know she had switched gyms? Why were you so fixated on her selling underwear being the only option? Why would she admit to cheating if she saw this post in which you are certain she’s selling her underwear? Do you go through your trash? How else would you know they weren’t in with the rest of the trash? How did you not notice she had spent $1100 on underwear in a month? Why would she say she was throwing them out at work when she could have just said she bagged them up and put them out on the curb at collection day? Why are you more concerned that she threw out the underwear after wearing it, than the cheating itself? How did you know how many pairs of underwear she owned? I don’t even know how many pairs of underwear I own. So many questions.

I don't understand why people here . I lurk around on subs like Needafriend and MakeNewFriendsHere and I know as a matter of fact that men troll as women around there or women ghost men and be mean. But what OP said is something I can relate. I got cheated by my wife a year ago and I have been struggling socially ever since. Catching people's lies is my new hobby. If you look into OP's post and comment history his activity has certainly decreased over time. This means he id deeply hurt as anyone would be. Let's play NCIS here,

How could you have been adamant nothing had changed from her daily routine and then you said that her routine is so hectic that you didn’t even know she had switched gyms?

I think OP mentioned that his gf left gym once she got promoted [source: update 6]

Why were you so fixated on her selling underwear being the only option?

OP mentioned here that he saw other redditors suggesting it might be the case. If you sort posts from new to old you will see how other redditors have been suggesting OP that his gf must be selling her used panties online for quick bucks.

Why would she admit to cheating if she saw this post in which you are certain she’s selling her underwear?

guilty. You should note that she has been shown traits of guilt as OP suggested in update 6.

Do you go through your trash?

I not certain of that. Could be that OP might be sorting his trash after he noticed this unusual behavior. But if OP sorts his trash everyday then I think OP has untreated OCD.

How else would you know they weren’t in with the rest of the trash?

This could be tricky. But if OP lives in an apartment building maybe they have strict policy to separate recyclables from rest of trash. Not sure though as every zoning district has different regulations.

How did you not notice she had spent $1100 on underwear in a month?

OP said he has access to bank statements. Assuming he is telling the truth he might have either taken a quick glimpse or he could have quickly summed up total of all receipts he found in their common area.

Why would she say she was throwing them out at work when she could have just said she bagged them up and put them out on the curb at collection day?

Dunno about women but as a guy I could have never carried my dirty underwear after sex or even toss it inside my tote if they were eerily dirty. You know what I mean. But that doesn't explain putting it out on curb on collection day.

Why are you more concerned that she threw out the underwear after wearing it, than the cheating itself?

I think OP started off assuming that there is something unusual about her. I have been following OP since morning and man oh man, the germ of OP's suspicion was from a night when OP asked his gf as to why hasn't he seen her in bunny looking orange bra.

How did you know how many pairs of underwear she owned

Maybe OP guesstimated it? I know I own nine pair of boxers and twelve pair of socks because I like to keep a count of my clothing or inner wear, if I were to travel off-site for work out of city. I hope OP is not counting each and every pair quantitatively. But yes, I know my wife used to put her new bras on when she bought them to lure me into getting in bed. We used to have a walk in closet leading to our bathroom and I knew what my wife would be putting on for the day as it would be against the bathroom door. I literally had to ask my ex-wife to stash her underwear somewhere on the lower or upper racks but if I could see what kind of bras and panties she has stocked up on, so could any of the guests or friends visiting over at our house. I can't say the exact numbers but I do know that the stack in my ex-wife's inner wear collection was anywhere around twenty five as my best guess.

That’s all fair, and if I knew he was genuine then I’d feel pretty bad for doubting him. But I’ve also been cheated on and idk man, my first reaction wasn’t to post an update on reddit. Who knows, I’m just sceptical of stuff in this subreddit from all the blatantly fake stuff that gets posted.

You said you are worried about her, while at the same time you never want to see her again. I understand.

Listen dude, you don’t have to take action right now. You need some time to digest and let the dust settle. There’s no right or wrong way to deal with this. Only the best way for you one day at a time. If you decide to give her another chance, that’s ok. It will no doubt take a long time for her to regain your trust. But it’s not impossible. A lot will depend on her.

I think an important thing is not to change who YOU are. Don’t become something you’re not out of revenge or bitterness. This is where time comes in. It will help you calm down and make better decisions.

Ex-stripper here. One reason to buy lots of lingerie is if you're working in a strip club or as a camgirl, or she could be doing premium Snapchat. She could be selling the old underwear to viewers who request it. Is there any chance she could be secretly doing one of these things, or do you pretty much know where she is at all times?

I straight threw away vs undies that didn’t fit right. Life’s too short for bad fitting thongs! But the volume is odd man. I don’t know curious situation. But go to work my dude.... can’t imagine missing work for this stuff

Well now the truth is out thankfully and sorry it was the truth. I am a girl and no i absolutely never have nor never will carry extra underwear around nor dispose of it in my workplace. I saw that and immediately knew it was a dumb stupid fake big lie to cover up something else

Now that I think about it, this was so obvious. But my ignorance led me believe that she wouldn’t be one of those woman. Anyways, I think she though that I didn’t notice enough what she wound be wearing - what guy doesn’t like to check out what her woman is wearing. I think men (broadly speaking for myself and other around me) have an eye for subtleties in a woman, it’s just that they portray as being ignorant as far as those small little cues come into consideration. Like for example, we remember you and your green dress from blah blah shop, but act as “what dress ... what green”. I think this unexplainable obsession led to this discovery - not obsession, but when you have a common closet to throw your excess clothing, I think no eye can miss the fluctuating height of things on the middle left shelf, next to the middle right one with my own stack of boxers and undershirt. Whew. Memories.

shes gonna throw away expensive shit and cost herself that much money just bc shes not comfortable at work? wheres she even work where she can throw her underwear away worry-free... i would be worried about looking unprofessional and dirty. i have so many questions, but if theres been no change in her schedule and she hasnt been buying stamps/spending money on other stuff too i wouldnt be worried about cheating or selling her stuff. maybe shes really impulsive, all her underwears uncomfortable (if its lingerie at work, it will always be uncomfortable. a smart person would suck it up or start wearing cotton stuff/sports bras) and she really likes spending her money. its strange, for sure, but she hasnt been secretive enough about it at all to suggest theres something up.

Not going to lie i actually went through my whole underwear draw and wore them and threw them out (before buying any new ones though) to see what was favorites or not. I was throwing out up to 3 pairs a day, if i wore it for 5 minutes and it gave me a weggie out. Honestly best idea and can recommend anyone do the same. Hopefully this is part of what shes doing?

I hope so. Before moving in together, she tossed out all old stuff from last to a community center (we both did). I think I’ve never really witnessed her shopping habits, as an observer or perhaps a roommate. I also thing it must be her periods, but her mood seems okay, though she’s pretty good at raising her chin up and doing her job even in her downtime, But I am quite sure I’ll ask her why she needs to throw her intimates out at her workplace’s trash bin, when we have a daily trash pickup in our housing community ..

a little late but I am one of those weird girls who would do this. i never buy lingerie to be seen in cause i have low self esteem and just buy whatever is comfortable. I currently have a new pair of undies in my purse i brought in case the one i was wearing to my job interview was uncomfortable and i needed to change and discard. I gained a little bit of weight and went from xs to small or medium so ive been purging and buying some stuff as well. i would look for other signs first of cheating but weird girls like me exist

I saved this to get an update on the situation. And it turned out to be a horrible ending. Sad day dude. I'm really sorry that people are so fricken dumb and disrespectful sometimes. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

I think if she's selling them, she has to be making GOOD money, considering she's not buying cheap underwear. My best friend is also on a lingerie shopping spree, and she has been giving me all her old things. But throwing them away at work? That's weird

Late into the thread but I'm going to jump onto the selling online bandwagon. I got about to the part of your post when you said the lingerie count is decreasing day by day and selling online is literally the first thing that came to my head that made any sort of sense.

As a girl who appreciates nice underwear every now and then I go out and spend a couple hundred on new stuff. I don’t throw out the old unless they are really bad. Then like once a year I get a trash bag and throw out what I don’t wear all at once. I have never ever in my life even considered throwing away my old stuff at work. That’s just wrong.

Women dont often buy lingerie for themselves. I would be concerned. To me it sounds like she is either selling used underwear, having someone else buy them for her in return for pictures or videos, or she is cheating. The most logical scenario in my mind is that she has some kind of online sugar daddy giving her money and buying her sexy stuff. Its not uncommon, and i know a couple whomen who do this. One of whom has a boyfriend.

Do they not? I’ve never had an SO buy me lingerie, but I’ve also never had an SO that bought me clothing in general (beyond scarves and socks). A lot of men do not understand women’s sizing or women’s clothing materials and how different materials tend to feel or fit.

But hey, if tons of women are getting clothes as gifts from their SOs, that’s awesome!

I have gifted my gf a few inmate gifts from time to time, so I wouldn't be surprised. She does occasionally pick her own intimates from time to time, along with her sister and friends. In three years of our relationship, I have been shopping with her probably once or twice, for her needs. She on the other hand has dragged me to mall for countless times saying that I need to "up" my wardrobe with something more colorful at workplace. I think I am less concerned about her spending habits atm. What I am really concerned is if she has something on her mind that she might be keeping to herself. Her disposition is more like if there's suffering out there in her world, she will mask it out and not let anyone know about it. I'm now open to the idea that she might be having ob-gyn issues or maybe financial dilemma or perhaps something else at work (her work is pretty stressful and keeps her on toes, but she is damn good at dusting things off and moving on). I always felt if she had been cheating on me (or any woman, based on few breakups I've witnessed of my close friends), her mood/behavior/affection towards me would have changed, which I don't think has happened in past few days.

Perhaps not cheating in the phisical sense, but moreso digitally. I would be suspect of who shes talking to only. Some women dont want to actually have sex with a new guy, they just want the attention and validation. Thats what it seems to me. Im not saying im right, but i would brace for anything and demand answers. If its illogical and makes no sense, its likely a lie.

TBH your behavior seems pretty controlling. Who cares if she buys new underwear? And the fact that you talked to her about it, but don’t trust her answer and are sneaking behind her back to track her spending is a bigger concern. I highly doubt you’d be ok with her tracking your spending, snooping through your stuff, keeping tack of what you buy, checking trash bins for evidence etc.

This is not how partners should treat each other, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this ends badly for you.

You don’t trust your girlfriend and so your relationship is going to go to the dogs. As a female, I’ve definitely done mass purges of underwear and thrown them out. I’ve also definitely caught the shopping bug over the course of a few months and spent more money than I should have. Buying lingerie is fun! It makes us feel sexy and cute and good about our bodies (without reference to men or performing for them by the way). I have way more bras than I wear. My underwear drawer is definitely worth over $1000. Your girlfriend is buy from VS. Good, well fitting bras are not cheap.

You’re blowing it way out of proportion. You’re also being super controlling. If my boyfriend was this hung up about my underwear I’d be skeeved out. I see no evidence of her doing anything suspicious apart from her own admission that she was disposing of it at work. Which is fine, a bit weird, but understandable. Maybe she tries a pair to try and see if it’s uncomfortable still. And when it is, she swaps it out. No point putting that in the handbag to take home when it’s just getting disposed of. Sounds logical to me.

If you want to pin something on her because you don’t want to be with her, this is the most exceptionally weird way of going about it. Anyway I’m going to be looking for updates, because I think your relationship is headed to a break up just because of the lack of trust. I’d say talk to her, but you did already and you still don’t believe her and believe jealous, jaded reddit instead so...

Edit: I take it all back. This is a troll post lol.

You’re blowing it way out of proportion. You’re also being super controlling. If my boyfriend was this hung up about my underwear I’d be skeeved out. I see no evidence of her doing anything suspicious apart from her own admission that she was disposing of it at work. Which is fine. Maybe she tries a pair to try and see if it’s uncomfortable still. And when it is, she swaps it out. No point putting that in the handbag to take home when it’s just getting disposed of. Sounds logical to me.

Men are a joke. You're just going to let her lie and beat around the bush because you don't have the balls to lay it all out there that you won't accept being in a relationship with a liar and someone who hides things from you?

Honestly Op doesn't seem to have a strong personality towards his gf.... :/ that's not a good thing in relationship, each partner should be imposing himself. I don't know what is the reason of this insecurity... does OP think he's not good enough to attract other woman than his girlfriend ? Dunno, but he needs to work on his confidence.

I'm insecure atm. I think every hour is just churning out some kind of new revelation. Not sure if that's creepy, but I just need to be affirmed by her that this is something that has a better explanation, now that I think about it.

I hear you. That is reeeeeally weird behavior. There are lingerie subscriptions that send out monthly credits. Maybe you suggest your gf consider joining, and keeping her obsession with new underwear in check that way. Also talk about your insecurities about the missing underwear. If you really liked something it's okay to ask where it went. Relationships, esp live-in ones, mean you talk about all kinds of crazy personal, household questions. Underwear is not taboo, and letting her know you recognize something strange is going on means you're open to hear her explanation. And if she tries to gaslight you into thinking throwing away your new underwear is normal, it's not. Only people who are incontinent or having SEX AT WORK throw away underwear like that. Hope she's incontinent, for your sake.

Sorry, but I guess I am trying to understand why she might have such a vague explanation to my question. No, I don't monitor how much food she buys, but I had my own fears, which made be a bit more vigilant about her than usual. That's why I was able to deduce that her routine and mood seemed pretty normal, but her intimates in our common closet seemed to be changing colors (and styles), while not sharing about her new 'experiments' or recent purchases of lingerie during our casual conversations. And this comes from a woman, who wouldn't stop talking about some cute pair of socks she "had to buy" for her nephew from the mall.

Lol you’re not a creeper. It’s very common to memorize someone’s patterns and mannerisms when you live together. My fiancée can tell when I’m annoyed at work by the change in the tone of my text messages. It’s not a bad thing to be in tune to your partner.