anyone been sent to fertility doctor on their preconception appt?

Hi everyone;Let me begin by introducing myself. My name is Merci and I'm the mom of a 15 yr old high functioning autistic child whom I love dearly. My husband and I will be celebrating our 2nd wedding anniversary on Monday, He has a daughter who is 12 (but doesnt live in this country). We have been together for 6 1/2 years and have held off having a child until now. I'm 44 and he's 32. Yesterday we went to our preconception appt with my OB/GYN. To make a long story short, we were reffered to a fertility clinic. Now mind you, we haven't even started to TTC as we figured we'd get all the info we needed and have tests run by my OB but all we were told was of this clinic and alhough I do know that my age is a factor, I thought that we would at least get all the preliminaries done with my OB. allwe hear d was how unsuccesful it is to TTC without help and donor eggs and we just sat there, stunned. We left disheartened and angry and disappointed that it seems he wasn't even asking us anything...Is this normal procedure? Has anyone gone thru this? We dont even know if we will have problems conceiving as we havent tried at all.

Hi everyone;Let me begin by introducing myself. My name is Merci and I'm the mom of a 15 yr old high functioning autistic child whom I love dearly. My husband and I will be celebrating our 2nd wedding anniversary on Monday, He has a daughter who is 12 (but doesnt live in this country). We have been together for 6 1/2 years and have held off having a child until now. I'm 44 and he's 32. Yesterday we went to our preconception appt with my OB/GYN. To make a long story short, we were reffered to a fertility clinic. Now mind you, we haven't even started to TTC as we figured we'd get all the info we needed and have tests run by my OB but all we were told was of this clinic and alhough I do know that my age is a factor, I thought that we would at least get all the preliminaries done with my OB. allwe hear d was how unsuccesful it is to TTC without help and donor eggs and we just sat there, stunned. We left disheartened and angry and disappointed that it seems he wasn't even asking us anything...Is this normal procedure? Has anyone gone thru this? We dont even know if we will have problems conceiving as we havent tried at all.

I hate to say it, but 44 is getting into a range where it is really tough to get pregnant. By all means try on your own (and the sooner the better!), you might be the lucky exception, but don't be surprised if you do need help to conceive. Just for comparison, anything over 35 is considered "advanced maternal age".

Best of luck!

I hate to say it, but 44 is getting into a range where it is really tough to get pregnant. By all means try on your own (and the sooner the better!), you might be the lucky exception, but don't be surprised if you do need help to conceive. Just for comparison, anything over 35 is considered "advanced maternal age".

I have had 2 beautiful, healthy babies after 40....DS at 41 and DD at 44. I had one mc in between and one since. I was not referred to a specialist and conceived all naturally (well took lowest dose clomid on one cycle with DD) I am 45 and trying for one more. Obviously stats say it is more difficult to conceive and I know "AMA" is on my chart too but I remain hopeful. Good luck!!!

I have had 2 beautiful, healthy babies after 40....DS at 41 and DD at 44. I had one mc in between and one since. I was not referred to a specialist and conceived all naturally (well took lowest dose clomid on one cycle with DD) I am 45 and trying for one more. Obviously stats say it is more difficult to conceive and I know "AMA" is on my chart too but I remain hopeful. Good luck!!!

I'm 41 and started TTCing for our first in March 2011 - I too found Dr's would simply pull a chart and drone 'go straight to IVF' without even discussing alternatives. From not preventing to starting to temp and then trying new things each month, I was keen to explore natural options before embarking on IVF. In Nov last year I had a consultation over the internet with Stacey Roberts from Sharkey's Fertility Centre - I began a course of liquid herbs. I then decided to go local and in January I stopped temping (was causing poor sleep), saw an acupuncturist and started taking her chinese herbs / supplements. Importantly (I believe) my partner also had acupuncture and took herbs (begrudgingly). I got my BFP after 5 weeks (I was told this was very rare to happen so soon). I am very conscious that this worked for me and may not for everyone but if I had my time over I would have blood tests on the right days of my cycle to get a feel for my oestrogen/progesterone levels, I'd still chart for a while to understand my body/cycles, I'd insist DH has a semen analysis ASAP so we know his motility / sperm count / morphology / testosterone levels... And then I'd be timing the baby dance like crazy :-) I gave myself a time frame to try herbs / acupuncture and am glad I pushed back on the pressure from Dr's and DH's family to go straight to IVF. Hope that helps - GL!

I'm 41 and started TTCing for our first in March 2011 - I too found Dr's would simply pull a chart and drone 'go straight to IVF' without even discussing alternatives. From not preventing to starting to temp and then trying new things each month, I was keen to explore natural options before embarking on IVF. In Nov last year I had a consultation over the internet with Stacey Roberts from Sharkey's Fertility Centre - I began a course of liquid herbs. I then decided to go local and in January I stopped temping (was causing poor sleep), saw an acupuncturist and started taking her chinese herbs / supplements. Importantly (I believe) my partner also had acupuncture and took herbs (begrudgingly). I got my BFP after 5 weeks (I was told this was very rare to happen so soon). I am very conscious that this worked for me and may not for everyone but if I had my time over I would have blood tests on the right days of my cycle to get a feel for my oestrogen/progesterone levels, I'd still chart for a while to understand my body/cycles, I'd insist DH has a semen analysis ASAP so we know his motility / sperm count / morphology / testosterone levels... And then I'd be timing the baby dance like crazy :-) I gave myself a time frame to try herbs / acupuncture and am glad I pushed back on the pressure from Dr's and DH's family to go straight to IVF. Hope that helps - GL!

Thanks Ladies for the info and support! I know it 's a long shot for us to conceive naturally at my "AMA", However, my husband is young (32) and we are hoping that we can conceive in 3 months (although I know its unrealistic but because of my "AMA"), This would be the limit we would try w/out help. We waited this long becuase we weren't sure if we could afford another child. He had no work for about 6 months and I was the only one working and things were just not right for us. Thankfully, we are in a better place and have been able to save and prepare. We havent really looked into other methods of help, but we do not want to go with a donor egg and we are afraid this may be pushed at us due to the quality of my eggs. We are open to other methods of which I guess I will be looking into. This whole process is so stressful...We have decided that we would accept that we may never have a child together and will not invest a lot of money TTC. We have been blessed with my son who is 15 and his daughter who is 12 and if its not meant to be then so be it. But, we are ready to give it the old college try! lol!

Thanks Ladies for the info and support! I know it 's a long shot for us to conceive naturally at my "AMA", However, my husband is young (32) and we are hoping that we can conceive in 3 months (although I know its unrealistic but because of my "AMA"), This would be the limit we would try w/out help. We waited this long becuase we weren't sure if we could afford another child. He had no work for about 6 months and I was the only one working and things were just not right for us. Thankfully, we are in a better place and have been able to save and prepare. We havent really looked into other methods of help, but we do not want to go with a donor egg and we are afraid this may be pushed at us due to the quality of my eggs. We are open to other methods of which I guess I will be looking into. This whole process is so stressful...We have decided that we would accept that we may never have a child together and will not invest a lot of money TTC. We have been blessed with my son who is 15 and his daughter who is 12 and if its not meant to be then so be it. But, we are ready to give it the old college try! lol!

Welcome! That would be great if it happened for you in 3 months. Just try not to get too discouraged if it does not. When we started TTC #2 I was 29, MH was 33 and we had been pregnant twice before (one DS and a m/c before that) and it took us 9 months of trying before we got a BFP this last time, which only ended in ectopic pregnancy, and then we were told to avoid pregnancy for 2-3 cycles because of the medication used to treat my ectopic. Not saying this will happen to you, obviously, just that things don't always go as planned.

Also keep in mind that your husband's young age does not play as big of a factor as your age. Men are able to get a woman pregnant as long as they're able to have sex. Unlike women, who obviously go through menopause and stop ovulating & menstruating.

If you haven't yet, I highly recommend reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility as it has lots of helpful information on getting in tune with your body, noticing your most fertile times etc. GL!!

Welcome! That would be great if it happened for you in 3 months. Just try not to get too discouraged if it does not. When we started TTC #2 I was 29, MH was 33 and we had been pregnant twice before (one DS and a m/c before that) and it took us 9 months of trying before we got a BFP this last time, which only ended in ectopic pregnancy, and then we were told to avoid pregnancy for 2-3 cycles because of the medication used to treat my ectopic. Not saying this will happen to you, obviously, just that things don't always go as planned.

Also keep in mind that your husband's young age does not play as big of a factor as your age. Men are able to get a woman pregnant as long as they're able to have sex. Unlike women, who obviously go through menopause and stop ovulating & menstruating.

If you haven't yet, I highly recommend reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility as it has lots of helpful information on getting in tune with your body, noticing your most fertile times etc. GL!!

Thanks so much for your insight. I'm really not expecting much in three months, altough my husband thinks he's Superman! He really doesn't get it. I, on the other hand, am fully expecting this to be a while. But I'm ok with whatever is to happen. I made an appt with the feritility clinic, RMANJ, to which I hwas referred to. I found it interesting that they would have me call my insurance and tell them that I'm an infertile patient...I haven't done this yet as there is a myriad of paperwork to be completed. Just so surreal to me..the negativity. But I vow not to let it get to me as I do not want to be stressed out and hurt my chances even more...Does anyone know what the first step is once you are in the fertility clinic?

Thanks so much for your insight. I'm really not expecting much in three months, altough my husband thinks he's Superman! He really doesn't get it. I, on the other hand, am fully expecting this to be a while. But I'm ok with whatever is to happen. I made an appt with the feritility clinic, RMANJ, to which I hwas referred to. I found it interesting that they would have me call my insurance and tell them that I'm an infertile patient...I haven't done this yet as there is a myriad of paperwork to be completed. Just so surreal to me..the negativity. But I vow not to let it get to me as I do not want to be stressed out and hurt my chances even more...Does anyone know what the first step is once you are in the fertility clinic?

I believe Superman should get tested - fertility is 50/50 :-) no use you doing all you can only to find his swimmers are going in circles. Far less invasive test too. I know of women who would love to have children but have been unable to conceive because their partners refuse to do anything about their sperm issues.. They assume it is 'women's plumbing'. I got quite annoyed with my brother in law pressuring me to go through IVF - fine for him and my DH to send me off for invasive procedures. But I am not convinced it would have worked until my DH did something to remedy his sperm issues. I have also read of recent studies re women's eggs - not everyone in the medical world is convinced of them getting 'old' and not regenerating. Maybe have a look at Sharkey's Healing Centre website / Stacey sends a monthly email on fertility issues.

I believe Superman should get tested - fertility is 50/50 :-) no use you doing all you can only to find his swimmers are going in circles. Far less invasive test too. I know of women who would love to have children but have been unable to conceive because their partners refuse to do anything about their sperm issues.. They assume it is 'women's plumbing'. I got quite annoyed with my brother in law pressuring me to go through IVF - fine for him and my DH to send me off for invasive procedures. But I am not convinced it would have worked until my DH did something to remedy his sperm issues. I have also read of recent studies re women's eggs - not everyone in the medical world is convinced of them getting 'old' and not regenerating. Maybe have a look at Sharkey's Healing Centre website / Stacey sends a monthly email on fertility issues.

You should NOT be trying to have a baby. To be a (good) mother, you actually have to put the child first. You will be well into your 60s when the baby graduates high school. You should both focus on raising the kids you already have. Its unacceptable to live in a different state, much less country than your kid or kids. Think about someone BESIDES yourself. Go move near your step-daughter and make your piece-of-work husband actually raise the child he already created. Just because you want to do something, doesn't mean you should.

You should NOT be trying to have a baby. To be a (good) mother, you actually have to put the child first. You will be well into your 60s when the baby graduates high school. You should both focus on raising the kids you already have. Its unacceptable to live in a different state, much less country than your kid or kids. Think about someone BESIDES yourself. Go move near your step-daughter and make your piece-of-work husband actually raise the child he already created. Just because you want to do something, doesn't mean you should.

Really you are going to tell her that!?! First of all if she and her husband can afford to have another child then I would rather see her have one then a 16 year old who will be benefiting from my tax dollars. Second I feel sorry for your children, you just showed your true colors in that post. Third don't waste anyone's time and yours by posting crap. Oh by the way we have no clue why her step child lives in a different country, so don't assume because it makes you look like an a@@

Really you are going to tell her that!?! First of all if she and her husband can afford to have another child then I would rather see her have one then a 16 year old who will be benefiting from my tax dollars. Second I feel sorry for your children, you just showed your true colors in that post. Third don't waste anyone's time and yours by posting crap. Oh by the way we have no clue why her step child lives in a different country, so don't assume because it makes you look like an a@@

I did not just read that from you! Who the hell do you think you are! It's sad so sad how insensitive you are! You will be a very lonely person one day if you keep throwing advice around like that! This is a forum for SUPPORT, it's best you log off and not bother returning!

I did not just read that from you! Who the hell do you think you are! It's sad so sad how insensitive you are! You will be a very lonely person one day if you keep throwing advice around like that! This is a forum for SUPPORT, it's best you log off and not bother returning!

I think it is odd that your OB/GYN didn't even take the time to discuss what you can do to increase your odds or even ask you about your cycles and such. I had an appointment earlier this week with a new GYN because I'm having trouble conceiving baby #3 and I'll be 40 in a couple months. I have a short luteal phase so that could be causing problems. The tone of our appointment was very positive. She put in orders for lab work and I'll doing a HSG test this week. She also ordered a semen analysis for my husband. If all comes back fine, she'll give me a prescription for clomid. If that doesn't work THEN I will get a referral to a fertility clinic. I could go sooner if I wanted but that isn't what I want. I won't be going so far as IUI or IVF.

You shouldn't be marked as infertile if there has been no tests to substantiate that claim! 44 is NOT too old. Check out the 35+ mom board and you'll see plenty of women in their late 40's successfully conceiving.

GL and stay positive!

Congratulations on your upcoming anniversary :)

I think it is odd that your OB/GYN didn't even take the time to discuss what you can do to increase your odds or even ask you about your cycles and such. I had an appointment earlier this week with a new GYN because I'm having trouble conceiving baby #3 and I'll be 40 in a couple months. I have a short luteal phase so that could be causing problems. The tone of our appointment was very positive. She put in orders for lab work and I'll doing a HSG test this week. She also ordered a semen analysis for my husband. If all comes back fine, she'll give me a prescription for clomid. If that doesn't work THEN I will get a referral to a fertility clinic. I could go sooner if I wanted but that isn't what I want. I won't be going so far as IUI or IVF.

You shouldn't be marked as infertile if there has been no tests to substantiate that claim! 44 is NOT too old. Check out the 35+ mom board and you'll see plenty of women in their late 40's successfully conceiving.

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