Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Besharam Coach!!!

Guys, I love your enthusiasm for pics and all that, but it takes a lot of time! These may turn out to be the final few. At least from Sri Lanka. Let me give you a quick low down on each: I love Ginger flowers - and they grow in profusion all over Sri Lanka. This lot was at the entrance of Taprobane. The grater below is just that - but look closely. That's shark skin you see, not holes. It is a wasabi root grater, and one of Chef Darshan's prized kitchen implements at the super chic 'Nihonbasi' restaurant he runs in central Colombo. An accomplished and inspired chef, he recently hosted 'the world's most expensive sashimi ' event. What made his raw fish all that pricey? Well... he had studded the fish slivers with precious gems! When was the last time you bit into rubies?? That's Chef Darshan himself, with Arundhati and me. The tempting lobster is not his creation. This was what I ordered at 1864, at the special dinner organised by Sanjeev and Surekha Gardiner. And finally, there's the shot of our chopper balanced precariously on the edge of the sea where Topgun Ravi had deftly landed the bird . The view from 10,000 feet above sea level is predictably breathtaking. And don't you just love those hand painted stools?? I wish I had the magnificent images of the historic Keyts' murals inside the family temple built by the Periera family. Those wonderful murals depict the life of Gautama Buddha, and we were lucky to see them, thanks to the benevolence of the monks who unlocked the temple gates and allowed us in. Shyamalee is not known as 'Highness' for nothing!!

It’s time to chuck de Kaushik and Hockey India…

“ Do you have sex?” asked the veteran hockey coach of India’s women’s team. The startled and scared female player at the receiving end of this obnoxious question was stunned into silence. Poet Anasuya Dutt had captured the emotional trauma of women caught in this particular player’s unfortunate position most evocatively when she wrote, “ In too many countries, too many women speak the same language – of silence.” Collective silence it was that protected Maharaj Kumar Kaushik, the disgraced coach ,for years. But last week he was forced to step down, after top player Ranjita Kumar broke that awful silence and accused him of sexual harassment . Her letter to Narendra Batra, the secretary of Hockey India was signed by 31 members, who are standing by the oppressed athlete. Three key allegations have been made against this arrogant man who must have been counting on the clout of his undeserved but exalted position to see him through the mess. More than even that, he must have been counting on silence. Women in traditional societies have silence as their best friend – it is their only succour and refuge. “Hold your tongue, woman!” is a phrase that young women hear over and over again while growing up…. no matter what the provocation. Incest, rape, molestation…her instructions are clear – shut up and put up.Ranjita would have ended up as yet another victim of this man’s ungentlemanly conduct, had an anonymous letter about his despicable language not made its way to officials. A letter that mentioned Ranjita by name. It was the only way to nail the guy. Confronted and cornered, he did what countless men in positions of power ( limited or otherwise) do , he tried to turn the tables on the women he had tormented by accusing them of using this tactic to get even with him. Why? Because they were dropped from the team for not being good enough. It’s an old and familiar trick adopted by rakes the world over – blame the woman, make her badnaam, disgrace her in front of family and friends, shred her reputation, ruin her future. It’s easy – she is a soft target. She has everything to lose. Most times, the man has nothing at stake – not even his reputation or job. After all, even his superiors would understand – he’s a man. These things happen. And as Kaushik demonstrated over the years, a man can and does get away with vulgar, offensive, sexually charged statements. Kaushik allegedly declared during his team’s tour to New Zealand in 2003, “ Anyone interested in sex, can come to me.” It’s an allegation he vehemently rubbishes. Instead, he whines about this being a nasty campaign to malign his ‘good name’, because he didn’t allow players to use mobile phones! Aha – now we know the real villain of the piece – it’s the banned mobile phone!There are thousands of Kaushiks running around the world nonchalantly . Some time ago, we had a phony ‘Godman’ called Swami Nityananda whose pornographic sex tapes with a Tamil heroine, cut short his meteoric rise to the top of the spiritual merchandising rankings. Today, this man has brazenly and shamelessly turned the scandal around to boast, “ The internet has twice experienced major jams due to traffic. One was following the death of Michael Jackson. Second was following my sex tape.” How’s that for aggressive marketing in the God Bazaar ? Kaushik’s videographer Basavaraja is in an even murkier spot - there’s video footage of him with multiple sex workers. The worst that can happen to these men is already over – Basavaraja is suspended, and Kaushik has resigned. But what can be done to resurrect the hockey dreams of players like Helen Mary (former captain and goal keeper) whose brilliant career was cut short when she dared to complain about Kaushik ( who was reportedly having an affair with the team’s manager, Anurita Saini )? It was Saini who paid the price after the expose and lost her job. Kaushik’s minders in high places, let him hang on to his. Isn’t that how it goes? The absurdity is further compounded today, when officials point out piously that Kaushik hasn’t exactly forced himself on anyone so far. He has merely indulged in lewd talk. And that, dear people, is not considered offensive enough to punish him! Talk like, “ It’s good if you like sex… I am available twenty four hours.” In an angry statement, members of the hockey team are raising valid questions : “ You say he hasn’t got physical…we ask, do you want us to wait till he gets physical?”Unfortunately, we lack the will to pursue sexual harassment cases in India. They are just not considered ‘serious’ enough. Authorities, even the police, point out that in a country where the aam aadmi faces far more life threatening issues on a daily basis, what’s a little ‘masti’ between the sexes? It’s all harmless fun!! No sir, it isn’t. For every Kaushik and Basavaraja who finally get caught for propositioning and demeaning women who they think are in no position to hit back, there are countless others who never pay for their crimes.Society has to wait for the rare Ranjitha Devis and Helen Marys who boldly break that conspiracy of silence and speak up. Most times, their courage comes with a huge price tag. Men will always try to exploit this collective silence , but even those complacent men sometimes go wrong in their calculations.It only happens when almost miraculously, a few extraordinary women rediscover the power of their own larynxes That’s when their stifled- for- centuries voices do – and must - get heard .What we need is greater amplification. Pump up the volume, ladies.We know for sure what isn’t cricket. Now we also know what isn’t hockey!Chuck de Kaushik !

68 comments:

the tour is over.we wont have any beautiful pics from srilanka.sad!the hockey episode is far from overit seems.i think if the coach had consensual sex,there is nothing wrong.but,if he enforced or harassed the girls mentally,its a grave mistake.hats off to the brave girls who pierced through silence.i wonder whether the coach would destroy the careers of the girls with his connections.it is always a risky enterprise exposing the true colours of a high-profile person.the girls who complained against the coach should be ready to face hardships.

Great piece,Ms.De.it was nice to hear all those accusations against the lewd sick coach being verbalised.I wanted to blog about it too, but i couldnt figure where to start.There is just too much of this sexual politics happening around here. Men in positions of power exploiting women, who sometimes blatantly go along with it as they have no option!Every working woman must have at some point been a victim or a silent party to it.men such as this such be publiocally lynched, as they do great diss4service, not only to sports in this case, but end up destroying the careers of many a talented women.But i think this is a common malice plaugong Indian sports, and such mindset will take long to be eardicated, and only then will sports in India see any rise.

Even if we assume it was a case of consensual sex, it is very hard to prove...eg. When someone in power uses sexual favours to help the career of the girl, then how does one decide?Sometimes, girls also "use" sex to get ahead...in which case it is "consensual".

all the same this chap has misused his power, and needs to be punished!

Lovely pics, ms De. And I loved the piece on Chuck De Kaushik. What a rat! I think almost every woman has experienced such lewd remarks by male colleagues and you are right, it is their silence that makes these men continue unabashedly.

it's very unfair whatever happened to that hockey player. i dont know if kaushik is genuinely guilty or not but if he is he definitely deserves the blame and infamy that comes along with it.

but the point is that why shouldnt we take on some female coach for a female team. male coaches,players (or male employees) tend to use vulgar terms at the workplace or on the playground. it's always been like that. men use vulgar language with other guys all the time. the f-words and s-words are essential part of the male vocablury. WHAT MEN PERCEIVE AS GENERAL AND OBVIOUS BEHAVIOR AMONG THEMSELVES, WOMEN PERCEIVE IT AS SEXUAL HARRASSMENT. link

Lovely pics Ms. DeI totally agree with you.Women should really speak up against such harassment and lewd behavior. It is as much a crime as rape. It is one form of mental abuse and trauma. If women collectively start to speak up, many more such Kaushiks can be taken to task. India and the world is yet to wake up to the might of collective women power.

As far as the Chuck de Kaushik article goes... This is quite common all across the world. Let's not look at only women in India. Women are nailed down in every country for sexual favors in return for some promotion. I still remember in my Business Law class, we read about this particular case which described how a woman forcefully performed sexual favors for the sake of her job security.

Some fight back and some silently accept it only because they have to cater to their family needs by earning those bucks.

i don't understand if i said anything offending here. infact in this case i am against kaushik. shobhaa is one of the many female gossip columnist who never misses a chance to magnify the wrongdoings of men whereas wrongdoings of women is wisely covered up by her. perhaps she doesnt like to accept that if women are as good as men then they are as bad as men as well. i don't like that everytime she comes up with some male-bashing article to make some gross generalization about all men. and i don't like that one bit.

and it's surprising of you to make such conclusion about me by assuming that i have been spooked by some woman. what if you show your concern for a rape victim, does it mean that you had been raped in the past. - no. by the way from some of your blog articles, it seems like you hate all the indian men too. there are women everywhere who use sex to get ahead. and there are men everywhere who exploit women sexually. but you like to focus on only one aspect.

Shobhaa, love your Srilanka pics :) you look ABSOLUTELY AWESOME! Loved your "Chuck De" article as well - he desrves what he got. Kudos to the female players who finally had to courage to stand upto his sick behaviour!

Krunal, go take a serious rain check!!i have no idea which world u inhabit, or which biased viewpoint u view the world from,but if Ms De indulges in man bashing, i am sure she has a reason which speakes frm experience as do I!So no woman has ever spooked but still u hate them, that makes ure case even more pathological!

By the way Ms De is more than jst a gossip coloumnist, her word has weigtage and authority and she is an astute and shrewd onserver of things around her. So mind ure words and your judgements and stop ure habit of belittling the efforts of women!

seems like i got you real agitated. well, first of all i am not belittling the efforts of women, but shobhaa de wouldn't quite be more than just a gossip columnist. she doesn't have a take on economic policies, java technology or some rocket science's benefits. but she has a take on dumb bollywood movies, rakhi savant's implantations, paris hilton's fashion obsession ( and some men messing around in the world). that's just what gossip columnist do. and that's not a big deal. even nasa astrounats have a better take on movies. like in this post she condemned that sadhu who had sex scandals but she never spent even one article for the goodness that shri shri ravishankar or swami ramdev's healing has done. secondly i don't hate the women.i only hate the feminazi women who in the name of equality want exclusive concern, special attention and privilages. who in the name of equality promote sexism and misandry. may be you haven't seen the world outside, but in america With more than 50% of western marriages ending in divocre (in some states like california, australia it's upto 66%), and 80-95% of these divorces are initiated by women to rip-off the benefits of the alimony and child support thereby making fathers completely disposable entities. In america 13 million households are raised up by single parents and 85% of which are raised up by single mothers. The boys raised up by single mothers dont have a clue what it takes to be a man, as they dont have a masculine figure inside the house who can shape their masculinity. As they grow up, they embrace more feminine (or should i say womanish or effiminate) qualities as that's what their mothers had to offer , at best. So these men, when they grow up, become nearly unattractive to those females who had been getting goverment support and welfare funds to become a career woman meanwhile. Even girls raised up by single mothers often end up making wrong choices about boyfriends and become victims of teenage pregnancy or contribute to the overgrowing number of abortions. So yesterday's home-maker is turning into home-destroyer. and that's the world i am talking about. and i am not validating the actions of men like kaushik. i am just mirroring some reality.may be you would like to read the followings links before you get some more idea.

link1.link2.link3.and i would appreciate you disrespecting me on my blog instead of here.

Krunal, what u see and talk about is one part of the reality no the whole, the other side is completely different.I dont know whr u are getting ure facts from , but u seriously pose a threat to civilised society with ure anti woman tirade.Get on to the mainstream man, dont inhabit the negative and lopsided world u do.

i knew you were gonna say something like this. if you have followed my link then those links are articles written by women. secondly i am not posing threat but actually making a small attempt to awaken indian people (atleast men) about the threat that already is out there. please for god sake read the links i mentioned above. women like you think that only women suffer not men. actually your view is one-dimensional and lop-sided. and by the way i am on the mainstream lady. by the way the facts are the numbers from united states census beauro. atleast i can see that you really have problems digesting the concept that women can be really bad. please read my articles first than comment anything pls.

why are u referring to American consensus??talk about the Indian reality and us women having to deal with brainless, opinionated, chauvinistic men of ure likes!The situation in India continues to be pathetic, why are u using the western world as a yardstick??look in your own backyard and u will see how horribly backward our coun try is as far as gender equality goes.As long as u men continue to holdon to your misplaceed ideals about yoiur own superiority, u will continue to suffer.[I never said men dont suffer!! and good if some of u do!!]By the way in Iran the stupid mad clergy ordered a woman to be stoned to death coz she was accused of adultery.wake up to the larger reality man, dont get stressed out jst coz some woman ditched some man or got the upper hand on him at work!!

well if i know u by now, u wud probably comment that that hapless woman shouldnt have been shameless enuff to commit adultery in the first place!For Gods sake Krunal women are human, as human as anyone else. why shud u expect us to be perfect when the world around us is far from it!! Why shud we play the role of the ghar ki izzat when the men dont have a shred of it anyways!Anyways nothing personal,but seriously Krunal we are such loveable creatures, time u men cut us some slack!!

hi shobhaa..nice pics again...the article is an eye-opener...it's really high time now...women must part ways with "silence" and be bold enough to raise their voice against anything wrong happening to them...

The point that we all - living in Indian society, miss out completely, is that the likes of Kaushik, Basavaraja, Swami Nituananda etc. all all 'sick' people. Meaning - they suffer from some mental ailment which forces them to behave the way they do. When they are caught commiting the offence, then, along with the punishment must come a mental rehabilitation program, to cure them of this illness. It would involve psychiatric treatment, even at the expense of the State. But when they are finished with the punishment as per the law, they should have been cured of the disease.

The point that we all - living in Indian society, miss out completely, is that the likes of Kaushik, Basavaraja, Swami Nituananda etc. all all 'sick' people. Meaning - they suffer from some mental ailment which forces them to behave the way they do. When they are caught commiting the offence, then, along with the punishment must come a mental rehabilitation program, to cure them of this illness. It would involve psychiatric treatment, even at the expense of the State. But when they are finished with the punishment as per the law, they should have been cured of the disease.

@sonalas usual, i would finish this comment without personally abusing you unlike you. (u know that i can do it better)firstly, in none of my comments i mentioned superiority issues. i was just mentioning some issues that really concern men. but it seems like you have no sympathy for american men and you ignore them. and women just this way ignored this issues in america back in 1970 and here we are now. in america men:women ratio is 0.96 still a male president gets elected. u know why. bcoz hilary's constant nagging against men never got her male votes. whereas obama supported female issues as well. as for playing the 'ghar ki izzat' role, well men go to work and earn money and it is their way of contributing to the family. if they would sit at home chopping off vegetables with you, you wouldn't like that either. back in the stone age, men were hunters/cave men and women were housewives. but it took men thousands of years to turn into what they are today which women did in just last 50-70 years. that was only possible because men built up the infrastructure of the society meanwhile so that it becomes easy for women to build up over it and don't have to start anything from the scratch. why don't you see this advantage. men's value is based upon their ability to provide. no sane woman wants to get married to an unemployed man. men over the years worked as coalmine workers, fishermen, garbage men, savage-disposal workers, mechanic, potter, smith, farmers, scientist, soldiers, factory workers, electritians, cement workers, construction workers, sandblasting workers, yard workers and that's how they became white collar men they are today. they actually spared the women from doing such a laborous task. they always missed out on the childhood of the kids whereas women got to enjoy it. and i don't expect women to be perfect either. infact it is women who expect us to be perfect. read this.by the way why do u always presume that if a man is speaking something it's always about superiority. and i am really not stressed out. (but u seemed to be a little). as for treating women like humans, well the problem with women is that they want to be capitalist in the office and socialist in the social circle. i.e. women want to be treated like women but paid like men without treating men like men. and believe me i have dozens of examples to complement your iranian example. it seems like you havent read my links, otherwise you wouldn't say that.

Holy cow, u just get worse with every post[jst shows how deep rooted the malaise is]!looks like u are beyond repair!!one i am talking entirely in the Indian context, American problems are diff and need a diff approach.next, i dont cut vegetables at home, i have a cook for that!Next, if u too showed some concern for women issues[like Obama supposedly], we too would stopabusing u and show u a little respect, which me feels so far u dont deserve!

@sonalwell, well, well. i feel the same way about u. anyways what india is today, america used to be 50-60 years ago. so the same things could happen to india. so contrary to what you had said, i am actually educating myself. i believe that we can and should learn from other's mistakes and india has an opportunity to learn from other's mistakes and turn itself into an ideal nation (that by dealing with both men and women's issues equally well)as for the cutting vegetable thing, i wasn't talking about u specifically (don't feel special, besides there are women who cant cook). what i mentioned in the earlier post applies to all countries in general. and i am taking america's example because in this article shobhaa also mentions some western example. the difference between u and me is that i supported each and every post with fact and figures and unabusive language (some facts are bitter to some people, that's for sure) and you have done nothing but proving my point that women can be abusive too. no wonder that shobhaa's blog is a blog where a bunch of women get together and bash all men.

sex is always the question for some men, and "yes" is the only answer.

what kaushik did khel khel mein... is not just disgraceful to the sport, it is a disgrace to the nation.

i know women is either a slut or a slug... she finds it difficult to hit a goal in this mans world that looks not beyond the hole. but somewhere in the deep corners of my heart, i know that things will change, and women will be brought to the fore.

like NityaNANGA, people like kaushik are din me field ...raat ko fielding... and i know these shameless creatures dont understand the difference between discourse and intercourse, lecture and lecher, healing and feeling.. lets give the hockey sticks to the girls, i say, they know to knock off balls anyways... let the lesson be learnt.

this will solve the fact that... sex is such a misdemeanor, the more these men miss sex, the more they get meaner.

haiii.. girls.. let us change the game.. game bajja dete hai of all these hawas ke poojaari...

WOW.... Was keeping track of Sonal and Krunal's debate. Quite interesting. I have to add something to the trail... I've been living in US for the past ten years and here as well we have superior men [per se] as anywhere. However, in US men respect women a little more than India. I guess the reason is that men see their respective wife going to work for 8 hrs and then at home taking care of food/kids/cleaning/laundry and what not?

In India, we still are living in a male chauvinist society where the work is distributed among both genders. Men are only suppose to earn money and bash up women whereas a women is suppose to earn money/take care of kids/cook/clean/follow traditions/cater to her family's needs. Be it at her own house or in-laws home. Nothing is done together! I've never seen or heard about any men helping out his wife in the kitchen with food or laundry or in any kind of household chores. We are still living in a society where men rule. End of story!!!

Clarification: Mr. Krunal, I don't read Shobhaa De's blog so that I can bash up men!

I liked the picture of the wasabi grater the best. Someday I want to taste real grated young wasabi root. I have heard so much about it's buttery bite. Even the best places here (including Nobu and sasabune) offer only the fake reconstituted kind unless you order the tasting menu. So what did it taste like?

About Kaushik... what to do yaar, we are like this only. Chauvnistic and misogynistic behavior is genetic to us.

whoa Divya, thx for following and commenting, and Kiran, Krunal is some young guy with all the misplaced confidence of youth who thinks he has seen the world!!he thinks Ms De is a gossip columnist and thinks that the likes of us were born to bash men up!! hear hear!!

By the way jst to sensitize u, Lazy Pineapple, a blog by my friend, has written a haunting piece on the fate of Iranian women and the atrocities they face.maybe u should read it and it will shed some enlightenment on your dark narrow world.

Dont try to patronize krunal. Dont trivilize him by saying he is some young boy. as if you are big deal globe trotter with open mind. Limit your scope to the topic and stop doing personal attack if you dont have enuf brains to support your argument.

Krunal and Sonal need to stop this nonsense and you too shobhaa. Come on its not always man or the woman. It is actually SEX. SEX is a very taboo subject in India. Its unavailability makes it so. Some woman in India infact do use it as a powerful tool to get ahead. Such women wont be able to do so in the US. Becasue in the US sex is not such a big deal. Not tht in India people dont have sex, we are the second biggest population, but we do everything behind closed door and have a lot of double standards. Likewise some men in India, who are in a state of power use to it get favors from woman. And Krunal : US is equally male dominated society, after clinton sex scandal, Bill clinton is still the hero and Monica Lewinsky is still single and has yet not found a decent job. One more thing may be shobha is a feminist and the only Indian feminist i Know, but if she is just a mere gossip writer...you dont have to get offended and challenge all her views. Do you?May be you should form some anti feminist blog and invite some men to your blog.May be you guys can take some abstinence oath or something and see how that works for you.

@Divyadear, you are proving my point here. that only shows how bitchy american women are. if american men are so good why would american women divorce them (i mentioned the rate-80-95% initiated by woman). that is why american men realize that there's no point of being nice to women- you are going to get stepped over by her who would use the biased divorce laws against you. And yeah, american men do know the house chores, bcoz who do you think washes their clothes when they are single and divorced-he does. who do you think does the cooking- he does. they have to give away more than 50% of what they earn to pay child support and vaginamony so that that bitch could live with the same standard of living. he would barely get a chance to meet his kids once a month. c'mon if you see hollywood movies they are full of single father stories. - twilight, 2012, war of the worlds to just name a few famous ones. secondly , i know you won't believe me but i do really advocate the idea of men helping out their wives with the kitchen stuff. but many indian women get married to indian men making more money and subsequently working more no. of hours than them. when they find their jobs boring and repetitive they quit the job with good 'mama' award, and meanwhile all her finances and loan payments lies on the shoulder of the man so he has to brush his ass more in the office. whereas she would be enjoying playing with the kids. when does a man get a choice like that. that's why i always say ' women have careers, men have jobs'.years ago women and men had separate domains of work. but women were officially encouraged to break those expectation barriers to move from a housewife to a career woman whereas men , as always, were supposed to learn everything on their own. and if you would be a single mother, you would still have to do many of the things you mentioned. and you and your 3 friends might not be male-bashing (though i seriously doubt that), it doesn't mean others aren't. look at your sister sonal here-smoking her ears.@krutikawhat does equally dominated male society mean? to complement your monica example, sania mirza's first dumped boyfriend is still single. freda pinto who dumped her engaged boyfriend- who used to finance her modelling profession- coz as shobhaa de said in one of her articles that it would be socially embarassing for a successful woman like freda to be with a man who is not as successful as her. that guy is still single. so what? shobhaa undoubtedly is a gossip columnist but she actually brings out provocative articles all the time. even what we are doing here is gossiping without any social science's degree. what is the big deal? well my blog would be anti-feminazi not anti-feminist. they are different.@sonalwell this young boy had his comment of milk and wine noticed by shobhaa which she even mentioned in her article. when was the last time that happened to you old lady.

"Nor, surprisingly, is it caused by women bearing a disproportionate burden of the workload at home, the ‘second-shift’ as some have labeled it. This explanation falls not because women don’t do more cooking, cleaning and child-caring than men; they still do. It falls because when it comes to the sharing of ‘home’ duties, the trend lines are all moving in the direction you would predict would lead to greater happiness and less stress for women: namely toward greater parity. For example, between 1975 and today women’s housework hours declined from twenty-one per week to seventeen, while men’s jumped from six to thirteen. In 1977 dads with non-teen kids spent 2 hours with them on an average weekday, while moms spent 3.8 hours. Today moms still spend 3.8 hours, while dads’ kid-time has climbed to 3 hours per week day–and if you are a Gen Y dad, you’re all the way up to 4.3 hours per day (Gen Y dads actually spend more time with their non-teen kids than do Gen X moms.)"

Well, Krunal and Edward, this old lady speaks from experience and does'nt jst rant off facts and figures from some site in some faraway country.And Krutika is bang on when she says the Us is as male dominated and women given as big a raw deal as in India.And Krunal, funny, that a mention in her blog by some male bashing gossip coloumnist should generate such pride in you!!

This country belongs equally to men and women and they have equal rights as prescribed by our laws, but why is reality so different.The world over women get paid half for the same kind of work,right from tennis players to many others.and Mr Edward, true i am no globe trotter and my scope is limited but i observe society around me and i have been a working woman so i have sufficient data and facts to put a few men behind bars!!

And for those who call Shobha a mere gossip columnist, she as a successful, independent woman is aspirational for many of us who may not be so fortunate in life.her lifestyle, her views and the position she commands, means much to many of us dispossesed women who are struggling to make a life for themselves.And above all Krunal there is a honesty in her writings which make millions of readers connect to her, despite her not being the best writer around.She writes in a way that is entertaining and engaging and her position of privilege gives her a vantage standpoint that many of us may not enjoy.If u dont like her or us, get off this forum!!But jst the way u have the freedom of speech, so do we!!

Hah! i had been tolerating u so far, thinking u to be some young misguided and misinformed young man, but seriously u are beginning to give me the creeps!!Ure rant, ure constant jingoism against women is seriously pathological. wonder where it stems from!!My world is important as are my experiences as an adult educated, thinking woman in this country.Yes and i speak for my country, as i speak for the women of this country who in all probablity have similar experiences, as this blogpost which generated all the debate, states!!As for men like u who believe they know more about women and womens issues than women themselves, the less said the better.Have a nice day, and while u are so busy!!! i am merely chopping up vegetables in the kitchen table.

can u help those hapless women in whichever way you can, other than showing sympathy thru your writings? think over.you made your point forcefully yaar! now take a break.your hubby might have been proud of you by now!

Sonal/Krunalin-short:- Today's women is career-oriented- Today's women is with voice- Today's women is demanding amendment within old-age social And family customs & traditions maybe. "Feel of being free" maybe is the demand - in-short.If not, please correct.

Thanks Appu for striking a positive note,Siddhu, i wud consider myself privileged if i cud fight on behalf of those women, the fight wud indeed be my own!Krunal,i jst went through all the links u sent across.I must say i am deeply saddened and heartbroken, that this is how u view women.If ure inspiration is Amrika, then i must say there is little hope for Amrika!!As for your blogspost, Respect the cock and tame the cunt, says it all i guess.Sorry readers for being so gross!Sorry Ms De, for taking so much space on your esteemed blog!But frankly i see little hope for the women and the misguided men of this country, if such attitudes prevail.

What's going on in Indian Hokey? First;there was tussle betwn.K.P.S.Gill & Dhanaraj PillayThen the remuneration problem & now this sexual exploitation scandal. Just like I.P.L. ,hokey too seems 2 have come in limelight.I wonder how come people like Kaushiks are tolerated by players & people around them? Same thing happened in Ruchika Gehrotra case.It's very clear that disgraced people like Kaushiks or Rathods can easily get away with their strong links with powers that be.Otherwise can de dare to do so? On top of it; we have lethargic bureacratic set-up,out-dated laws,corrupt policing,looooooooooooong waiting for court cases.Unless u have some backing from strong influential person/s , NGO or media; u can't heave a sigh of relief. How Jessica Lall got d justice? Finally;1 must have courage 2 speak-up against injustice & bring d culprit 2 book.

@sonalwell, what more do u want me to do? whenever you demanded some data regarding anything, i gave it to you. u wanted data for india and i gave it to you. i gave you official data involving majority of people. but nothing satisfies you. and what did u do. u used me as an outlet for your emotional outbursts and anger vilifying me completely. all i wanted from you was i wanted you to acknoledge that women's situation is not uniquely awful. there are men paying the price of discimination without voicing anything. but as you speak for indian women, why can't i speak for indian ( or all) men.? but you need to understand that the only way i could do this is by stating some issues that concern men only. in short i just used your weapon against you and now you know how sharp it is and it doesn't pay to keep playing around using it assuming that no body is getting hurt. i no where in this post mentioned that i support men who exploit women, in fact i am against this guy kaushik. i feel sorry for you that you have had some bad experiences with men (i would say sorry to you on their behalf but i guess that wouldn't be enough for you.)but it is completely unfair of you to assume that only your experiences count. there are people out there who have opposite experiences which are equally bad and convincing. don't you have sympathy for them. i mean c'mon forgiveness, sympathy, love, modesty used to be female virtues. (i know you're gonna pick me up on this) i am not teaching anybody here anything. but i guess i am, just like everyone of us, witnessing and feeling some radical and exponential change in terms of men-women relationship. and what makes it even worse is that we are the first generation who are facing it having no ideal role models to follow. our mistakes would be used by our next generation to learn from. i was never angry at you throughout the entire post (u can see it in my post), but actually i pity women like you. just read back all the comments you posted and ask yourself if you are being bitter or not. you had nothing to give except one iranian example. many women like you have been fooled by the many (not all) female magazines who brainwash you since the childhood into believing that men are all pigs, dogs, rapists, jerks, beasts, stupid, dysfuncional. and women are heavenly entities, as sweet as sugar- you go girl. many women today are turning themselves into the men they hated. anyways i have some decency left, i apologize to you if i offended you which i know from ur comments, no hard feelings. as for 'respect the cock and tame the cunt' comes from probably your favorite star tom cruise's movie magnolia, where he teaches american nice men who get stepped over by women about how to deal with women. may be you should see the whole clip. i can just hope you would reply to this without using any villifying word. as for shobhaa de , alrite, hail the shobhaa (just like hail the hitler). may be you should sometimes visit the blogwww.equalbutdifferent.blogspot.com.it's a blog owned by a woman who sympathizes with the problems of men in the society- you will get to know a lot about the dark side of women. it takes guts to admit that there are bad women out there. i definitely admit there are bad men out there.

well Krunal, all i will say is that society is fast changing and u men should wake up to the changes instead of denying them.The old power structures dont exist anymore, more so in ure generation!If u are having a tuff time dealing with it, well take ure time. But expecting women to adhere to age old diktats and traditions will certainly not work anymore.and no matter what u say or do, u cant keep women down.they have been given a hard time for generations and are only now beginning to taste some freedom,that too in urban areas.In the North and in the interiors old mindsets continue to rule.well if abusing women makes u feel better, so be it.

Gosh...Krunal and Sonal, you two need to calm down and take a chill pill. Have a thanda mango lassi!!! When I woke up this morning, I knew I'll have tons of data to read at work! :)

Anyhow, both of you have your own perspective on issues in India. However, I want to point out one thing, if 1 out of 5 men gets bashed up or goes through a rough time in life, then 3 out of 5 women suffers physically and mentally. And Krunal, you cannot deny that regardless of all your facts! I'll tell you one more thing... guys can walk in the middle of the night anywhere in India with extreme confidence and courage however, a girl cannot even think of stepping outside all alone!

And since you are show-me-the-facts type of guy... just surf thru TOI, the only thing you'll find is somewhere a girl getting RAPED/SEXUAL ASSAULTED and finally MURDERED... and what not?

And if men have suffered equally then howcome we fail to find a single news on TOI about a man getting raped/sexually assaulted???

I'm not trying to start another debate here but it's something that I always come across on news channel and thought of sharing...

@divyaafter being severely villified by sonal, i have to say ur comments sound a lot respectful to me. just to answer you TOI question, the answer is discrimination against men. i tell you why. do u know, in the last 5 years 6 boys committed suicide because of ragging in the college and they all were sexually abused (by other boys ofcourse). the farmers who committ suicide in the villages of india are all men. The guys who got racially attacked in austrailia were all boys- and just to give you some example, one of them got hit on the genital area, one's eye was poked, one was set on fire, one was severely hit by a baseball bat. and all those violence acts were performed by boys again. [and austrailians have every right to get pissed off at us. we go to their homes and steal away their jobs and boast about how we indians now rule austrailia is just unfair. just bcoz our education system is filthy, doesn't mean we should steal away other's jobs and still expect to be treated fairly]. but you know what when anything happens to men it is considered a commercial issue but now just assume if the same things would have happened to women- tons of data would have been added to anti-man directory. as for men getting raped, well as long as a woman is beautiful and sexy, no young man in this world would mind getting raped by her. men actually like sexually active women. as of 3/5 women suffering mentally and physically- well as you live in america let me tell you, in america there are almost 10 government websites completely dedicated to women's health (not a single one for men in spite of the fact that it always men who suffer from speech sound disorder, dylexia, protatis cancer). everynewspaper in this world is having a seperate women's health section daily. we don't even celebrate men's day. have you heard of it. how much more do you want?

You say "Krutika is bang on when she says the Us is as male dominated and women given as big a raw deal as in India."

Any facts to support this? Do you think there are as many restrictions and abuse against women in US as in India? oh girl, you make me laugh..at your ignorance. Now just dont make up some stupid statements to support your lies.

@krunal....I've said this before & will say this now. As far as upper middle class is concerned, there is no difference between America & India. There are as many divorces if not more, & men are fleeced to the tune of lakhs in the name of divorce money & they are denied a look of their children. There are scores of Indian boys in the marriage market who are in their thirtys & don't want to fall in the trap of marriage. These boys are expected to pay for the sins of their ancestors by the women. It is just as they say in Hindi, 'kare koi bhare koi.'Shobhaa, thanx for the ginger plant & the aerial view. But I'll never forgive you for denying us the murals depicting Buddha's life. That would've certainly been a collecter's delight !

hi shobhaa.I am shiv.nice pics ...the article is an eye-opener...it's really high time now...women must part ways with "silence" and be bold enough to raise their voice against anything wrong happening to them...ok byeeeeeeee....

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