housewife, Calvinist, libertarian and theonomist discussing what is interesting and important to me

Friday, December 2, 2016

Teach the Young Women To Love Their Husbands

This is going to be a follow up to my
previous post on whether husbands and wives should be best friends.
In the comments on that post, the topic of how a woman should love
her husband was raised and I am going to share here the results of my
research on the meaning of Titus 2:4.

Let me preface this by saying that I am
not a Greek scholar and I don't even play one on TV. For the most
part, I believe that a good English translation of the Bible is
sufficient for English speaking people to understand how to glorify
God and enjoy Him forever, which is man's primary purpose according
to the Westminster Confession of Faith with the accompanying proof
texts. However, because of our culture and because of our pathetic
use of the English language, Americans have lost the meaning of many
important words, replacing their meanings with mere shadows of their
former selves.

For that reason, sometimes it helps a
person, like a homemaker, to consult the Greek text in order to fully
understand and exercise her duties to God. Over the years there have
been several important New Testament passages which have guided me in
my relationship with my husband, with 1 Peter 3:1-6 and Titus 2:3-5
topping the list. I have already covered 1 Peter 3:1-6 here.

On to the text!

Titus 2:1-5King James Version (KJV)2 But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine:2 That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience.3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

There is so much here that could be
addressed, but this is a blog post, not a book, so I am going to
attempt to limit my discussion to only verse 4 and the words “to
love their husbands.” Right here I'm just going to add that this is
a grave issue. It is highly important, because when the older women
don't do their duty to teach these skills to the younger women, it
results in the word of God being blasphemed, which sounds pretty
awful and I don't want that to happen.

The word translated “love” here is
the Greek word philandros. This is a combination of two words, the
word philos which has the basic meaning of dear, fond or affection.
As a noun, by itself, it can mean associate, neighbor or friend. The
second part of the word is aner which means a man (an individual
male), fellow, husband or sir. Putting these two words together into
philandros, combined with the context (an act or skill that is to be
taught to young wives) I believe the most useful working definition
of it would be “to love their husbands in an affectionate way, the
way a wife loves a husband.” In other words, teach them to be their
husbands' lovers. George Ricker Berry's Interlinear Greek-English New
Testament says it this way:

...that they may school the young
[women] lovers of [their] husbands to be

Let's ignore that it sounds like the
Yoda translation, shall we?

I feel very confident in saying that
Paul believed the young wives need to be taught how to
be affectionate towards a husband, particularly in a physical way.
This word is used in no other place in the New Testament, Paul chose
this very specific and detailed word to describe the acts of a woman
toward a man to whom she is married and toward no other person in the
world. It refers to acts unique within the marriage relationship. It
would include, but not be limited to, how to make love.

This
verse demonstrates graphically that Greek is superior to English in
expressing specific types of love. In this very same verse we see
another related word, philoteknos, which is translated “to love
their children” which conveys a very different type of affection
from that shown to a husband. Also, the word is not only specific to
being an affection for children, it is also specific in being a
maternal love, that is, the type of affection that comes only from a
mother. Even though fathers should love their children, this Greek
word would not be accurate in describing that action.

It is
not possible to use Titus 2:4 to state that wives should be “friends”
with their husbands or even that they should love them with
“brotherly love.” The Greek language, in which this passage was
originally recorded, offers better and more specific descriptions of
the nature of a wife's love toward her husband. This love is not a
feeling or an emotion. This love expresses itself in acts of
affection and physical relations.

There
may be some confusion as to whether wives are commanded by God to
love their husbands. I would say they are not, or at least not in
Titus 2. The context here is one of the apostle Paul instructing
Titus in how to shepherd the flock, the church, at Crete. Titus was
there to set it in order. By application, these instructions should
apply to all pastors. Pastors should direct the older women in the
church, if they aren't doing it already, to school the younger women
in proper behavior within their homes, towards their husbands and
children, as well as in the greater congregation and world-at-large.
The difference between commands and instructions is that a violation
of a command of God is sin, even if the transgressor is not aware of
the command. Instructions are there for the improvement of a person.
We all need skills to make our lives enjoyable, to enable us to
survive, and to improve our relations with our fellows. Just as
children are to be trained up in the way they should go, young wives
need guidance to acquire proficiency in areas that are less than
intuitive.

As
children are not punished for not knowing how to do a task, wives are
not punished for not knowing how to love (philandros) their husbands.
A failure in this area is not a sin but simply evidence of the need
for better training. A church full of young wives who do not love
their husbands is not necessarily the evidence of rebellious women,
but is more likely the evidence of older women not passing on their
knowledge of how to do this. The danger of this is that the young
women will either wing it or acquire wrong instruction from the
popular culture. I can see why Paul thought it important enough to
admonish Titus to pay attention to this.