Friday, December 17, 2010

Nobody likes Cho'Gall

Deathwing:Okay, this is the final meeting of the Twilight Club before we commence Operation: Cataclysm. I will now take attendance.Cho’Gall:Do we really need to do the roll-call? There are only five of us here.Deathwing:Cho’Gall, I keep telling you. This is my club, we’re going to do things my way. Don’t be a jerk about this.Al’Akir:Seriously dude.Deathwing:Okay, so, attendance. Lady Sinestra?Sinestra:Here.Deathwing:Al’Akir?Al’Akir:Here.Deathwing:Cho’Gall?Cho’Gall: This is stupid.Deathwing: You’re being really annoying.Cho’Gall: No. This roll-call thing is annoying. You can just look around the room and see who is here. It’s a waste of time.Deathwing:It’s a waste of time for you to argue about it, because I have decreed we are doing it, and I am Neltharion the Destroyer.Cho’Gall:Aw, For C’Thun’s sake.Deathwing:Just say that you’re here.Cho’Gall:Fine. I’m here.Deathwing:Okay, Ragnaros?Ragnaros:BY FIRE BE PURGED!EVERYONE LAUGHS EXCEPT CHO’GALL.Deathwing:That was awesome, Rags. You’re the class clown, and we are BFF. You’re sitting with me at lunch today.Ragnaros:TOO SOON!Deathwing:Right. I meant later, at lunchtime.Ragnaros: I KNOW. I WAS JUST MESSIN’ WITH YOU, BRO!Deathwing:Oh! You totally got me.Sinestra:11/10.Al’Akir:I love you. You win the Internet.Cho’Gall:I don’t see what’s so funny about it. He just said the thing he always says.Deathwing:Dude.Al’Akir:I want to punch you so bad right now.Deathwing: I hate you so much right now, Cho’Gall. SO much. I’m just not even going to think about it anymore because it makes me angry. So back to attendance. I’m here. We’re all here.Cho’Gall:Which is not new information for anyone.Ragnaros: DUDE!Cho’Gall: Just sayin’.Deathwing: Okay. On to new business. I will be bursting out of Deepholm tomorrow to set loose my unquenchable, burning vengeance on Azeroth and all its mortal races. I’m super-excited. So let’s go over the itinerary. First, I am going to head for Teldrassil.Cho’Gall: To wreck up Darnassus.Deathwing:No. I’m not going to Darnassus. Nobody ever goes to Darnassus. I’m going to destroy Auberdine.Cho’Gall:What is Auberdine? I’ve never even heard of that.Deathwing: It’s only the biggest quest hub in Darkshore. Everybody loves it, and they’ll be so bummed out when they see what I’m gonna do. All the little Night-Elves and Dranei will get off their boats, and it will be gone, and they’ll be totally confused.Cho’Gall:Darnassus and Exodar are right there. You’re not going to hit either of them?Deathwing:It’s about pacing, you fat idiot. If I blow up a city immediately, I can’t sustain the drama or build momentum.Cho’Gall:That makes no sense at all.Al’Akir:Dude.Ragnaros:EVERYBODY GETS IT BUT YOU. IF YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, WE’RE NOT GOING TO EXPLAIN IT.Deathwing:Anyway, from there, I’m gonna go to Barrens and cut that, like in half. And then I’m gonna go break open Uldum, because I heard that there’s cat people inside.Cho’Gall:Wait, what about Orgrimmar? I thought we were burning Orgrimmar to the ground.Deathwing: We have a schedule. It came down to a choice between Orgrimmar and cat people, and I chose the cat people. I get to do that, because it’s my club.Cho’Gall: The whole plan was to rain vengeance on the mortal races. Now we’re skipping Orgrimmar to go play with kitties?Deathwing: Cho’Gall, I am super excited about the cat-people.Sinestra:We all are.Deathwing: I swear to the Old Gods, if you ruin this for me, I will destroy you.Cho’Gall:Unless you get distracted on the way by something shiny or cute.Ragnaros: DUDE!Al’Akir: Not cool.Deathwing:Anyway, it would be a jerk move to go gank Orgrimmar while they’re mourning Cairne Bloodhoof.Cho’Gall: Cairne Bloodhoof is dead? Did we kill him?Deathwing: No. The Grimtotems weakened him with poison, and then Garrosh accidentally hacked him to death with an axe during a heated political discussion.Cho’Gall:How do you accidentally kill someone with an axe?Sinestra: That isn’t the issue.Cho’Gall:I hate Garrosh. He’s always yelling and he wears ugly leather pants and has a tiny head.Ragnaros: SHUT UP! GARROSH IS AWESOME! I HATE YOU!Al’Akir: Garrosh Hellscream has more personality in his one tiny head than you’ve got in your two huge onesDeathwing: Cho’Gall is just looking for attention, and I am not going to indulge him. I am going to rise above this negativity. After I am done at Uldum, I am going to go and break the dam between Loch Modan and Wetlands. And then I am going to Stormwind.Cho’Gall: That’s what I’m talking about.Deathwing:And I am gonna land on Stormwind, and I am gonna be like: RAAAWR! And everybody will be like: “Oh no!” And then I will fly away laughing at how busted they all are.Cho’Gall: Wait, you’re going to Stormwind, and you’re not going to destroy it or killeverybody?Deathwing:If I kill everybody, there won’t be anyone left to see how awesome I am.Cho’Gall:I don’t even…Deathwing: Dude.Cho’Gall: No. This plan was supposed to be the best thing ever, and what you’re actually doing sounds totally lame.Deathwing: Dude!Sinestra: Not cool, Cho’Gall.Al’Akir: We’ve been working for months planning this.Deathwing: I hate you so much. I hate how fat you are, and I hate your stupid face.Ragnaros:WHICH OF HIS TWO STUPID FACES DO YOU HATE MORE?Deathwing: If I had to choose, I’d say I hate the face with the dopey mustache the most.Ragnaros:I HATE THE FACE WITH THE FISH EARS AND THE NECK-BEARD!Deathwing: But the stupid faces don’t even encompass the reason I hate him. There’s also the fatness. He’s so fat.Ragnaros:AND HE SMELLS LIKE A HUNDRED BUTTS!Cho’Gall:Well, what about Sinestra with her gross scars?Al’Akir:Dude!Deathwing: Dude!Ragnaros:DUDE!Sinestra: I thought you liked me! How could you say that?SHE RUNS OUT OF THE ROOMCho’Gall:What just happened?Al’Akir:Not cool.Ragnaros:WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT HER SCARS! THAT IS THE ONE THING THAT IS OFF-LIMITS!Deathwing:You just have to ruin everything, don’t you?Cho'Gall:Well, at least one of us in the world-destroying club should, don't you think?