Don't know what to get little Billy or Sally before they go off to summer camp? How about one of Scholastic's new "How To Survive Anything!" books? The "Boys Only" edition looks pretty sweet: you can learn how to survive a snakebite, swarm of bees and forest fire, as well as how to make it through some more unrealistic scenarios, like a polar bear attack or "space."

So what does the "Girl's Only" edition include? Well, there's "How to Survive a BFF fight," How to Survive a Breakout" and, uh, "How to Have the Best Sleepover Ever." (We can't even get sleepover survival tips? My younger self would've at least liked to know how not to end up the only person not kissed during Spin the Bottle...)

Check out the table of contents for both books:

BOYS ONLY: How to Survive Anything!

Table of Contents:

How to Survive a shark attack
How to Survive in a Forest
How to Survive Frostbite
How to Survive a Plane Crash
How to Survive in the Desert
How to Survive a Polar Bear Attack
How to Survive a Flash Flood
How to Survive a Broken Leg
How to Survive an Earthquake
How to Survive a Forest Fire
How to Survive in a Whiteout
How to Survive a Zombie Invasion
How to Survive a Snakebite
How to Survive if Your Parachute Fails
How to Survive a Croc Attack
How to Survive a Lightning Strike
How to Survive a T-Rex
How to Survive Whitewater Rapids
How to Survive a Sinking Ship
How to Survive a Vampire Attack
How to Survive an Avalanche
How to Survive a Tornado
How to Survive Quicksand
How to Survive a Fall
How to Survive a Swarm of Bees
How to Survive in Space

vs.

GIRLS ONLY: How to Survive Anything!

Table of Contents:

How to survive a BFF Fight
How to Survive Soccer Tryouts
How to Survive a Breakout
How to Show You're Sorry
How to Have the Best Sleepover Ever
How to Take the Perfect School Photo
How to Survive Brothers
Scary Survival Dos and Don'ts
How to Handle Becoming Rich
How to Keep Stuff Secret
How to Survive Tests
How to Survive Shyness
How to Handle Sudden Stardom
More Stardom Survival Tips
How to Survive a Camping Trip
How to Survive a Fashion Disaster
How to Teach Your Cat to Sit
How to Turn a No Into a Yes
Top Tips for Speechmaking
How to Survive Embarrassment
How to Be a Mind Reader
How to Survive a Crush
Seaside Survival
How to Soothe Sunburn
How to Pick Perfect Sunglasses
Surviving a Zombie Attack
How to Spot a Frenemy
Brilliant Boredom Busters
How to Survive Truth or Dare
How to Beat Bullies
How to be an Amazing Babysitter

A reminder: these books were published THIS YEAR. Publishers still think that all girls would rather know how to "pick perfect sunglasses" (so we just dropped the whole survival theme?) and "how to teach your cat to sit" (NECESSARY FOR LIVING!) than actual survival tips, silly or otherwise. We're surprised there's no chapter for boys on how to protect girls because they're too busy surviving fashion disasters or learning how to handle "sudden stardom."

"If you ever find yourself in this situation, please oh please don't say 'THIS ONE IS FOR BOYS AND THIS IS FOR GIRLS,'" begs Ryan North. "Perhaps instead say 'THIS ONE HAS A BUNCH OF INTERESTING REAL-LIFE DISASTER SURVIVAL AND THIS ONE HAS A LOT OF PERSONAL HYGIENE AND INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP STUFF IN IT, ALSO, TIPS ON GETTING YOUR CAT TO SIT DOWN, I DUNNO.'"

Where's my chapter on how to survive being extremely depressed about pervasive gender stereotypes? Anyone?

Some positive news: this afternoon, Scholastic posted this message on its website:

Many readers have expressed concerns about our How to Survive Anything titles, and we want to thank you for your passionate responses. The two titles have had very limited distribution to date, and no further copies will be made available.