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Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Falwell & O'Reilly Share Prostitute At Religious Convention

Indianapolis, Indiana - Fox News, already reeling from an embarrassing episode with Rupert Murdoch and a live microphone, may now have a full-fledged scandal on their hands involving sexual misconduct and possible violations of Indiana state law. The sordid details are only just beginning to emerge and many of the facts have yet to be established. However, sources close to the investigation say that the Reverend Jerry Falwell and Fox News personality Bill O'Reilly reportedly shared the services of a prostitute at the Midwestern Conference on Religious Values which took place at the Marriott Hotel in downtown Indianapolis over the weekend.

When contacted by Assimilated Press, a spokesperson for the Acme Escort Service, who wished to remain anonymous, said "Yeah, Bill and Jerry are regulars. Whenever they are in town they give us a call and we take care of them. Usually, they want something a little out of the ordinary. For this last convention, they wanted one of our girls to dress up like Hillary Clinton and recite the Pledge of Allegiance while they covered her with mayonnaise and slices of bologna to make what they call a Bill & Jerry sandwich. Sure, it's creepy and the girls don't like it, but they pay well and nobody gets hurt, so what the hell."

When asked to comment on the reports, Falwell said, "I was just trying to save the young lady from a lifetime of sin. Sure, my technique may have been a little unusual but sometimes you have to get dirty to do the Lord's work."

For his part, a visibly distraught O'Reilly said, "I thought what happened in Indianapolis stayed in Indianapolis."