New mom cover up

I am struggling with being a new mom. I think maybe more than most - my emotions, moods and connection with my daughter are out of alignment. I have lost my identity completely. I am seeking counseling soon. It has been this way since birth but it seems it has gotten so much worse the last couple weeks - I am now 3+ months postpartum. I guess it's worse because it's been going on for so long and not getting better - definitely wearing on me.

Anyway, just wondering if there are other moms out there that feel like a fraud, everything isn't as it seems. I want to be happy and I can pull it together to appear that way but... it just really isnt. And I feel so aweful because I just want it to all be okay - this should be the best time of my life and it feels like the worst. And I feel terrible for being dishonest with other moms but it's just so personal and I am big on being strong. But yep, definitely breaking down and getting help. Not sure if its ppd or just me being a mess. Doesnt matter really, just need it to stop.

Comments (6)

Youre smart to get help. What helped me was just being blatantly honest with people. When people ask how being a mom is I typically say this. "I love my baby, but being a new mom SUCCCKKKKS." Typically people laugh and then we share mom hardships. You gotta find the real moms, no phony bologna. Follow the Facebook page called That's Inappropriate. So funny, so real.

You are definitely not alone! Being a new mom is so hard. My daughter is 14 weeks and I still cry because I don’t feel like myself. I also find myself comparing my parenting to other mothers and getting discouraged when they have perfect babies and I can barely get mine to sleep! I went 3 days with half curly hair and half straight hair because I couldn’t find the time or the energy to finish it! I have a great support system in place, which really helps when I just need to vent and cry it out. You are so smart to get help! I’m sure that will help so much! I always tell people that having a baby is no joke and that it’s so hard, and that life is so different. It’s amazing and frustrating and rewarding and exhausting all at once, and I’m sure you’re doing an amazing job. Sometimes it’s just hard to feel like everything is okay, and honestly, that’s okay!! Keep pushing on and vent it out when you can!!

I felt like that with my first. For me, it started in my third trimester. I had insomnia, crying spells and panic attacks. I felt like I losing myself, and that I had made a huge mistake. The worst was all my friends telling me what a great mom I would be when inside I felt like I didn’t even want the baby anymore. It continued when my son was born. Like you, I thought he was a perfectly lovely baby, but I just didn’t have that motherly connection with him. I felt horribly guilty that he was stuck with me, and I fantasized about just getting in my car and going somewhere to start a new life...even though I knew I would feel far too guilty over the pain that’d cause my family. It was PPD (postpartum depression) and PPA. I sought treatment, and after some trial and error, found the right antidepressant and a great therapist. I started feeling a connection in just a few weeks, and by the time my son was 6 months, I felt that earth-shattering love that you expect to feel as a parent. I stuck with my treatment, and did sooo much better with my second. It’s been much easier this time, and the connection came right away.

I share this all so you know you’re not alone! You are a good mother who is seeking help to realign her life. You can and will feel better. As your baby grows, you’ll be able to do more of the things you used to, and you’ll feel like yourself again, just a new, expanded version of that self.

This was absolutely me the first 4-5 weeks of my LOs life. I was a mess and having crazy thoughts about what it would be like to just run away or how I had made a mistake. I hate even typing that but it's the truth. I was having 10 or panic attacks a day where I felt like I couldn't breathe and dreading every night. At her 1 month check-up I just broke down. They called my OB who saw me the next morning and encouraged treatment for PPD. THANK GOD I did it. Within two weeks everything started getting better! It was a day by day evolution until now at 3 months PP (previous poster) it feel like me but a mom version. Different priorities, less makeup, far fewer date nights, but me. I also am completely crazy about my girl. It's still the hardest thing I've ever done. But when I don't see her for a few hours I hate it. It will get better! You will be a new version of yourself! And your LO (little one) is gorgeous!

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