10 things god wants you to rememberI will give you rest.I will strengthen you.I will answer you.I believe in you.I will bless you.I am for you.I will not fail you.I will provide for you.I will be with you.I love you.

14. I am a jealous god. My name is Jealous. (Ex 34:14)15. I will punish the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation (Ex20:5)16. I will kill everyone except 144,000 virgin jewish men when I come back (Rev7:4)

That is so sweet. Also utterly pointless considering, if the whole god thing is true, that he created you and already knows everything about your past, present and future.

What's the point of believing in something when you already know with 100% certainty what's going to happen every second of this person's life? Especially because you were the one who created them to do all these things in the first place?

Yeah? I guaran-damn-tee that if a god actually said these things, or any other ten (or however many) things in the classic Big Boomin' Voice (instead of leaving it to some faceless mook on Facebook)--that people would fuckin' remember.

"Strength" is a pretty obvious physical quantity. From this we should expect that Christian athletes and laborers would have obvious advantages over their unbelieving and other-believing competitors. Or at the very least, that Christians would have a noticeably greater degree of intestinal fortitude than ordinary mortals, like, say, Gandhi.

Oh, this one ought to be pants-shittingly awesome! Just think about having the ability to ask a question to a perfectly honest, infallible, omniscient intelligence--and actually get an answer?! Even if you only get one question a day, you could be a fucking superhero!

D'awwwww, isn't that sweet? If he loves me at least as much as an actual person, I ought to be able to get a hug out of him once in awhile, right?

'Course, you go an' try to take something like this seriously, the Christian will start backpedaling like nobody's business and frantically explaining with a magnificent array of theological loop-o-planes why none of these things will ever have any actual, you know, effects. Classic Lucy's Football: