Whitechapel - OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)Sun, 02 Aug 2015 17:31:32 -0500http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/
Lussumo Vanilla 1.1.4 & Feed Publisher
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=346390#Comment_346390
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=346390#Comment_346390Sun, 06 Jan 2013 05:11:48 -0600Horrible Warning SiThe THREE ACT SPEAKEASY is here for you to vent, to express, and to learn. This is your chance to perform -- but you're also in the audience, guv, and are expected to behave as such. So your skits at the steely Whitechapel microphone will ALL and ALWAYS be divided into three sections:

2: The Huzzah. Wherein you tell us something which goes just a teensy way to mitigating the effects of the psychic turd you just laid on our heads. Perhaps it's a tiny hint of hope in an otherwise bleak situation. Perhaps it's an unrelated Thing Which Happened which made you smile rather than frown. Shit, maybe it's just a silly joke. Show us you can cope as well as carp.

3: The Applause. You will choose one of your fellow whitechapellers, from this same thread. Doesn't have to be the person who posted before you - just someone whose story touched you. And you will offer them a word of advice, or comfort, or support, to help them with their own SECTION 1 Whinge. Doesn't have to be much. A sentence, a word, a bloody emoticon - whatever. Just a paltry donation to the art of Thinking Of Others. And try to avoid schmaltz, please, or the Urethral Maggots will feast anew. Circle of life, kids.

Applause: All of you. You intimidate me, and that keeps me going. I work to be worthy of this community. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=346407#Comment_346407
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=346407#Comment_346407Sun, 06 Jan 2013 11:39:29 -0600Bombus HortorusThe mancave is leaking quite badly, there's a big damp patch in the ceiling and the noticeboard that I bought a few weeks ago for the wall has warped and swelled up… my books are showing signs of mould, as are other things in there. I've tried getting up on the roof to sort it out, but not sure if it's salvageable. Can't afford to have anything done to it, at least not for a couple of years unless I win the lottery or get a huge payrise.

Trying to fight off the jackdaw tendencies and save money (well, at least hurl it in the direction of my creditors). But I WANT ALL THE THINGS.

Weight. Bad. Gone up too much. Really need to make it go the other way.

Yang

Pretty chilled. Bonding well with the baby, takes a while, I find them a bit of a culture shock when they're newborns (and they don't do anything, dammit), but she's starting to thaw my ice cold heart. Started working on music again for the first time in ages. Work not too awful, very hectic as usual, but slowly getting things done, and took full advantage of the quiet period over Christmas when there was nobody in the office.

The Flowerpot Man

@oldhat - carried over from the last thread, but yeah, it does kind of suck when you do work for people and they prefer your least favourite pics, or are indifferent. But I guess at least you got paid… @fauxhammer - huzzah for boots... ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=346467#Comment_346467
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=346467#Comment_346467Mon, 07 Jan 2013 17:23:25 -0600ComicbookbunnyGood: I'm working a shit ton on a ton of projects- yes this is good. I have project B which is a club sort of thing i have a building that i'm currently in the process of finishing up the floors on and such so things are trucking along there, hats, Day job of doom (which i walked out on a few weeks ago begged me back gave me a raise then more responsibilities as a manager...), Secret project is on hold, And generally working to get moolah to do a FECKING huge project involving art and gigantic awesome buildings. Yes I live but mostly just post really quick to the face book. Horray I'm vauge as hell. I have a new roommate he's a jedi and quite cool.

Bad: saved for last since well there has been a bit of it as of late. I'm having too many of my close friends let me down and are trying to be too much in my business. I've been told that I shouldn't be hanging out with my ex-husband because it sends mixed messages and confuses other people?!?! WTF. Well that will not be a problem since last friday he just decided to be a complete fucktard at me in a room full of people by ripping my camera bag out of my hands.... There isn't much to the story save for the fact i'm not talking to him and there was no reason for it. I'm currently very depressed and dealing with health issues that may involved an operation- feeling lonely and want to play baseball with someones foot.... I"m kinda at a loss not ever having gone through a divorce and having tried everything I can to be civil and stay friends. Let me tell you how awesome it was taking care of him through his health problems and now i'm having them he acts like a complete ass-hat. *sigh* Hello whitechapel it's been awhile I vent at you complete with bad spelling and grammar- miss me? I need a fucking hug. I think I might go to the range this week and shoot zombies. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=346584#Comment_346584
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=346584#Comment_346584Wed, 09 Jan 2013 13:25:56 -0600mister hex*smiles!*

PROGRESS ON THE SANCTUM. Redesign for convenience and maximum cool-itude. Oh, my stars and garters. Whitechapel, this is the room you'll spend a spare night in, should you find yourself at a loss for drink. (No bed yet, feel free to use the floor, though.) NO FUCKING. Sorry. (Alright, maybe a bit.) This is my office now. This is my kitchen. This is my liquor. This is my copy of SWANK. (Can I take a look at your copy of SWANK? Not yet. Soon, though. Soon.)

Apparently, I'm somewhat in demand. Haven't put (too many) foot wrong (sic). As were like. Been somewhat inspired and lively and feeding and tending cats will tend to do that to a man, oh aye. Can't say I'm wrong. Well, you could, if you wished to be known as "Lefty" the rest of your poor miserable life.

*Um. Which Leads Me To ...*

one day and likely soon, I'm gonna say the wrong thing to the wrong guy and get the shit kicked outta me.

I'm serious. I lip off like a madman and I'm frankly surprised I haven't been beaten up yet.

Merely one of the reasons I don't go out much.

Still chained to a stove. ANOTHER REASON I don't yeah yeah.

All in all, could be worse. Two months today. Getting up and gettin by.

*barfly, set em up, willya?*

- jc - this too shall pass. Think of all the magic yet to be discovered. - faux- ME?! INTIMIDATING?! HAVE WE EVER MET?! I DON'T THINK SO! What I *meant* to say was, how are you? (See what I mean?) ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=346596#Comment_346596
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=346596#Comment_346596Wed, 09 Jan 2013 15:31:33 -0600razrangelBoo... The past week I've either been scheduling like mad, working with a director and producer who are discombobulated and different degrees of freaking out or trying to ignore all of it by playing possum. Is that how I planned to spend the first full week of the year? Why, no. But if I don't do and if I don't run interference for all the meltdowns between staff and cast, no one will. The obnoxious thing is, I'm not even in love with this play like the director and cast and producer and everyone else is. It's pretty. There is some fine detail that it's brought out that is nice to look on. But I'm here because they pay me. And I work my ass off because of... I don't know. I guess you call it professional pride. Or I hope you do, because otherwise I've gained all this weight, given myself all these gray hairs and burned through so much cash and wasted so much for no more than "the show must go on" psychosis.

I'm trying to rescue whatever days I can to read out loud to myself, to record and practice voice work at home and practice my Japanese and even hit the gym more. But it's all haphazard, which from experience is just a great way to make sure nothing happens. I'm trying like fuck to take myself and my life more seriously and just take care of my own shit first but... fuck. I'm getting really sick of putting out other peoples fires - and I'm really getting sick of this director having anxiety/passive-aggressive meltdowns every time something goes wrong. If he did fucking quit, like he keeps threatening, I'd actually be a lot more free to just get everything done. Grrr... That's the grumpy way to look at it. He's actually the visionary and the one who's in love with the play and the reason the audience and critical reaction has been so great, and hence why we even have an extension. But, seriously I can't take his anxiety any more.

Cheers... If nothing else this is more work. And that means I get paid (even if it's a pittance). I otherwise had nothing lined up for an income. On the drive to rehearsal today I was fretting about my computer power cord that seems to be trying its best to die on me. I have no other way to charge my laptop that doesn't like to go into hibernation properly. The only other power cord I have that suits it isn't designed to charge the battery. Just to give me enough juice to run. And as I was driving the truck was running rough as it warmed up. I thought my mom got an oil change for it, but it's not reacting like it did. So I have to check that out, but it may just be the high mileage is demanding a tune up (like I could afford that };p) and also the housing on the passenger side mirror broke and so that shakes about a lot.... And all in all I was driving and thinking of making a Tumblr of all the broken shit in my life, and just post one item a day. Ripped clothes that I still use, crappy old laptops, hand-me-down heaters, wobbly this and taped-up that... I'll title it "Today's Sob Story."

HAHA I totally forgot this is the cheers section. Maybe it's a cheer because I thought of something kind of on the verge of being artistic, rather than just whining to myself and my Twitter followers. I just need to think of something actually artistic to say about it all.

Anyway, a little bit of cash and I'm not making it by being stuck in an office. I got in some Suzuki & Viewpoints training on Monday and it felt good to get back to my body and find out what it's up to. If I can scare up more monies I'll maybe take an ongoing class in a couple of weeks.

Applause...@hex YES on the making the Sanctum you're own. I want pictures when all is said and done.@Bunny - *hugs* I know friends can be a little troublesome when you're trying sort shit out, but they really truly mean well. Having been that friend that is just baffled when someone is going through a split - the trouble is I really want to be supportive of my friend's feeling but if they go back and forth between the ex being a dear friend and asshat...I don't know what position I should take. And I know - I do know! - that that isn't what the friends want, exactly, but that's what my feeling is. So...tune them out if you need to, or cultivate one or two people who are really good at listening and let them know how they can really support you.@JP Yay Baby warmth! }:>@FAux - yes! Boots! And the rest...yes. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=346607#Comment_346607
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=346607#Comment_346607Wed, 09 Jan 2013 20:08:19 -0600trini_naenae
Let's just say my boss is a bit scary and I'm only getting enough hours (kinda) because people keep calling in sick. And the drama and backstabbing and shit talking and... at this point, I try my best to keep my distance from it all and just do my fucking job. The boss overstepped her bounds with one of the other workers and he's going to go to the union reps. It's certainly going to be interesting. She threatened me with a writeup (again) but I figure it's just not worth worrying about. I'm going to keep my head low and observe. Maybe things will change for the better? Oh drama! And of course, my bank account is very sad right now. I really need to not be spending as much as possible.

Good:I'm going to have like five days in a row or so off. Bad for my paycheck, but good for my sanity. And getting things done! And I'm finally getting some website progress going on. I can get back to working on cleaning my apartment and working out on the wii fit. I'm seeing my therapist on Friday - haven't had an appointment in a month, so there's a lot to catch up on. My dad is actually making shelves for my artwork in the basement, and they're actually kind of decent. Nice to see things go in the right direction for a change.

Sharing is Caring:@Fauxhammer: I hope you get well soon! And glad to hear that there's progress going on with the novel. Yay!

@JP Carpenter: Glad for the baby bonding. Wish I had useful advice for fixing stuff up, but I'm no good at that stuff.

@Comicbookbunny: I wouldn't even know how to deal with what you're going through. Though your "vague" project descriptions sound totally badass.

@mister hex: Kudos to not being beat up yet? This is me guessing here, but it feel like you've got a lot of pent up frustration/rage/whatever that needs a bit of venting? I wonder if there is a way you could get all of that out, with all the bad shit you've been having to deal with, especially lately. Delighted to hear that your Sanctum is becoming fabulous, and that you're in demand. Being in demand sounds like a nice feeling.

@razrangel: It amazes me how much you put up with at that theater. Is there any way to put your foot down there? That said... the fact that you are still managing to work on your own personal stuff is great! It might not seem like enough, but keep it up! You can do it! Maybe to make it easier, create a level of importance to the projects, and focus most of your remaining energy on the most important ones? I'm hoping the best! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=346704#Comment_346704
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=346704#Comment_346704Fri, 11 Jan 2013 17:05:05 -0600CaratheWaltonThe Huzzah-My honors class did really well on their test and I was the teacher in the history department with the most perfect scores, 2. This tells me that I indeed don't suck as a teacher and that I did cover all of the content, and that there are some students who care about what they're learning. I also seem to be sticking with my 365 project and have some pretty good photos so far. And lastly, I've only got 2 lbs of holiday weight left to lose and I've almost made it to week three of my couch to 5K program.

The Applause-@ComicBookBunny-Congrats on the many projects, being busy can be a pain, but it means that you're being successful and so I see it as a good thing ;) Hope all goes well.

And I wish everyone else here well too.

]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=346759#Comment_346759
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=346759#Comment_346759Sun, 13 Jan 2013 06:33:58 -0600mister hexWriting continues. I'm not bad at this whole "Quality Lit" thing. It helps somewhat that I don't take anything seriously. TOO seriously. (Yeah, I have fans. I can hardly believe it but there it is.)

Not much bad at the moment. That will certainly change, not for the better but why worry? Why wonder?

@cara- nice to see you again! You always struck me as a fine educator. @ everyone else - you people are My Tribe. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=346765#Comment_346765
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=346765#Comment_346765Sun, 13 Jan 2013 08:37:35 -0600Rootfireember
Huzzah: I have returned and escaped hospital captivity. Also ordered a new crapphone that will hopefully work better than the current one that freaked out on crisis day adding a lot more drama to things by disconnecting phonecalls a lot and not letting me answer them! New doctors are like crazy supportive and I have a LOT of therapy and new meds and shit. New meds are hot pink, so no more vanishing tiny white pills into the carpeting....Boo: Stepdad is a jerk; but that's nothing new. Stomach also hasn't been not upset since Crisis event, :P But at least I'm allowed caffiene (Which goes in Huzzah I guess?)Applause: dunno where to start with this. Just want to give everyone e-hugs, thanks for the emails and texts and stuff while I was gone (Didnt have access to the phone so I couldn't answer or read anything until friday). Still reading through everything and getting back into the swing of RL, the Internet, etc. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=346781#Comment_346781
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=346781#Comment_346781Sun, 13 Jan 2013 14:26:58 -0600dnewling
The Hurrah. I booked in some massage therapy and can hardly wait for it! Trouble is, my appointment is not until tomorrow.Fauxhammer: Keep on with that novel! Are you going to publish it as an ebook or going for printed copy?

Update: shoulder is feeling better, but I am still going to keep that massage appointment. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=346864#Comment_346864
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=346864#Comment_346864Tue, 15 Jan 2013 00:56:18 -0600Flabyo
The Starting Again

Since being made redundant last year I'd basically just been sitting around relaxing and trying not to think about having to get back to the working world at some point. My pay out was good enough to be self sustaining for at least a year, possibly longer if I force myself to be frugal, so there wasn't any real need to panic and leap into a job straight away.

But my word the boredom strikes after a while doesn't it? I've picked up a whole bunch of reasonably expensive Mac gear and decided to start teaching myself how to code for the iPad. I don't have any specific goals just yet, game design is something that I tend to mess about with a lot before settling on something, but just being back in front of the keyboard tapping in code (even if it's just tutorials and basic 'Dummies' book stuff) is scratching the itch and improving my mood somewhat.

The Not Quite Right

I am, however, becoming increasingly sure my head isn't quite right. I've never had any proper discussion with a medical professional about the way my brain sometimes feels so I've no idea if this is mild unipolar or bipolar depression, or even something else entirely.

I have days where minor details lock my brain into long periods of worrying. For example, my heating is running all day at the moment cause it's cold and this flat is a crappy single glazed heat leaking mess. For some reason, if there's a gap of more than about 10 minutes between each run of the boiler (it flicks on and off rather than running all the time) then something in there makes a clicking 'heat expansion' kind of noise. I'm pretty sure there's nothing broken, it passed it's safety inspection in November and it's been doing it for longer than that, and I have a CO alarm (and the sheer stress over why I bought that is another story entirely) so I should just be able to ignore it. But I often can't. I have to work with headphones on some days so I can't hear it.

Some days I just feel like staying in bed, just sort of staring at the ceiling for hours. Others I have to just get out of the house and walk and walk until my mind calms down and I can think clearly again.

Part of my thinks this is just the stress of trying to go solo in game development getting to me, but I do wonder if I need to chat about this with my GP in case there's something more brain wrong going on.

The Others@Cara - it really is utter bullshit how a teachers performance grades are tied so tightly to those of the kids. Some kids just simply can't be taught, and it's hardly fair to blame the teacher for that. Teachers in general get treated so badly these days, many of those I know who went into the profession have long since quit it. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=346882#Comment_346882
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=346882#Comment_346882Tue, 15 Jan 2013 14:58:59 -0600trini_naenaeGood: I submitted an application to be a bank teller, motivated by my crazy boss leaving a message on my phone that made no sense and me expecting the worst. And the message was only relevant to that day so I guess I'm not fired/written up or whatever? I think? The galleries are up at my website (reneeondine.com), and I have a shop at etsy, but it's not live yet, because I don't want to look like I have prints to sell when I don't - yet. Nothing is where it should be yet, but things are going where they should. At least I've gotten some shit done. I might be doing some data input for some people and getting paid for it?

Others:@Cara: I could rant so hard about how mental the US public education system is (especially the students are bored as all hell/don't care and we actually expect them to remember stuff?) and I haven't been in HS for ... 9 years? And my understanding is that things are even worse. So sorry you have to actually try to deal/live with it. Glad you have an honors class though. At least they're interested, right? Crossing fingers for you.

@mister hex: Happy to hear things are going in the right direction. Hurrah hurrah!

@Rootfireember: New better Doctors! Colorful pills! Better phone! Yes! I'm hoping you get more control of your life with your new doctors' help. You're worth it.

@dnewling: woo massage!

@Flaybo: Considering that I'm generally underemployed, I do know the feeling of having too much time on my hands. Glad to hear that you are using it to learn to do cool things. I hope that you get a handle on the crazy. I've found that change of location tends to help - sometimes doing something as simple as going to a coffee shop or library really helps. Best of luck! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=346930#Comment_346930
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=346930#Comment_346930Wed, 16 Jan 2013 18:14:07 -0600256
might need to seek help - always, always do it.

(I was going to elaborate on this, but that's basically it. And maybe just remember that you don't have to take any of the treatment routes they suggest, if you don't want to.) ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=346997#Comment_346997
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=346997#Comment_346997Thu, 17 Jan 2013 16:44:01 -0600mister hexOH, IT'S NOT AS BAD AS ALL THAT! - .... my glasses actually look kinda cool. I needed new ones anyway and these were fairly cheap so I could live with 'em till I actually GET A RAISE (I'm supposed to "act surprised") so I'll have some extra money plus it's my birthday soon, my dad'll kick in a few bucks. Anybody makes any snarky comments, I'dd just babble on like David Tennant for a bit about tachyons and stuff and then I'll punch them in the throat.

I have another date on Friday night. Pizza and a western over at her place. (She likes westerns.) So that'll probably be a lot of fun. (Having seen her wine cellar [not a euphamism - she has a wine cellar], as well as her capacity for alcohol, I'd daresay it will definitely be a lot of fun.) We've been chatting pretty much all the time and I find my thoughts drifting back to her, quite frequently. So that's nice, it's been a while since I thought about someone a lot.

GETTING SOFT IN ME OLD AGE -

@Flabyo - Yeah. I get it. Sucks. My problem is INaction- I just sit there and go "whaddamIgonnado?". I'm now Chief Cook and Bottlewasher. I feel like Uncle Charlie from My Three Sons. No wonder William Demarest was so irrascible. Chin up, ol' mucker.

@ roo - glad to see things looking up. That trend will continue.

@trini - ya take the good/ ya take the bad/ ya take 'em both / and then you have .... what? Hope you get the job, honey! Fingers crossed for ya!

@ everyone else (there's a lot of lurkers and people I forgot. I blame all those pesky concussions.) - "The French have a saying - 'Chercez le jambon.' 'Look for the ham'. Loosely, it means the ham is worth finding. Any vegetarians, feel free to replace 'pamplemousse' for 'jambon'. " Au revoir.

EDIT TO ADD - ALMOST FORGOT - THIS!

YEAH. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347006#Comment_347006
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347006#Comment_347006Thu, 17 Jan 2013 19:44:59 -0600GreasemonkeyEyesight still messed up. Can't see a damned thing up close without reading glasses, where two years ago my vision was better than 20/20 in both eyes. Petrified of going blind

BREAKING BAD

Hugely productive January so far. I'm developing an idea with a view to making it into a business, and it's going extremely well.

@everyone battling depression: A mellow, high-CBD strain of cannabis (not the strong, spinny, euphoric/paranoid strains like White Widow, Chronic etc) can work miracles in low doses. Run a quarter-ounce through a coffee grinder until it's reduced to a fine green flour, then combine with four cups of dry cookie mixture. Add whatever liquid is necessary, stir well, then bake into a single slab on a cookie sheet. Cut into one-inch squares while still warm. The resulting cookies shouldn't make you feel very high, but the CBD will act as a strong mood lifter. Suggested strains are Northern Lights (awesome) and Purple Kush, but most pure indica strains will do the job nicely. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347043#Comment_347043
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347043#Comment_347043Fri, 18 Jan 2013 15:43:33 -0600Steve Toase
Since my little boy came along my writing has slipped. Not his fault, just trying to get my sleep patterns in sync. I used to write every day, now maybe four times a week, though it's getting better. I'm currently working on this longer project. Most of my previous work has been short, flash fiction and I'm finding every time I write anything on this it feels either too short or like it is wallowing and, well, boring. I know I need to translate my style, which if I can be immodest I think works ok, to the longer form, but I'm not quite sure I've got it nailed.

The cute owl fledglings.I love working at home. I love being around to see me boy and that I can put my work aside for a few moments to go and grab a hug and that in a month I'm going to be a stay at home dad. Also I've written some of my best work since he came along. I've had a story accepted into a magazine that has been on my target list since I started submitting fiction a couple of years ago. Life is sweet.

The Petting Zoo@JP Carpenter As a fellow new parent I admire anyone walking this path. If anything like me you'll have found new soul in the house has changed everything and nothing, which is an odd tension. Are you looking forward to all the cool stuff you can introduce them too to? ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347045#Comment_347045
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347045#Comment_347045Fri, 18 Jan 2013 16:08:27 -0600Argos
Bad: I've had tinnitus for like a week and a half straight now. I've always had it, but it's usually low enough I don't notice it or it comes and goes. Though it's still soft enough that ambient noise drowns it out, last week it was bad enough it was giving me trouble sleeping. I was genuinely worried I would never experience silence again.

Still don't have a job, and at this point the wedding is coming up soon enough I'm tempted to just put off job hunting til after so I don't have to juggle wedding planning with adjusting to a new job, and I also don't want to have to ask for time off right off the bat from being hired. But then, I also don't want to be the lazy sod who's not job hunting :|

Good: While still present, the tinnitus is less present today than it has been lately. I'm wondering if it was an effect of the weather since San Diego was colder this past week than we're used to. My skin is really dry as a result and my friend said she was having pressure headaches, so maybe I had pressure tinnitus? Today I got to experience silence :) While in the living room it suddenly occurred to me that neither the heater nor the computer fan were running and there was no ear ringing/buzzing to replace them (unless I plugged my ears). While there was still minimal ambient noise, this was a real blessing for me and I soaked it in.

Wedding planning is coming along nicely, met with out caterer and furniture vendor at the venue yesterday and plans are going swimmingly. I finally got a bar tender booked. just have to work on decorations and centerpieces now. Also my face has finished healing and is back to looking normal - no more huge, bright red, scaly patches scattered across it.

Hugs: @Steve Toase - sorry you haven't been able to write as much lately, but it's also super rad that you're a stay at home dad. I'm sure your kid'll appreciate it when he's older. I was lucky enough to spend a lot of time with my parents when I was growing up and looking back on it I really appreciate it.

@Grease - hope your eyes do okay! I have shit eye site but I've been near-sighted since I was a kid, so it's not as scary as going from 20/20 to bad eyesight in two years. I hope it mellows out.

@Hex - Hooray dates!

@Flabyo - Definitely seek help if it's on your mind. Was one of the best things i did for myself when my depression got really bad a few years back (right around when I joined WC, actually). Once you go you might find you don't need it as much as you thought you did, or you might end up using it a lot, but either way it's better than not going and wondering what's up. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347063#Comment_347063
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347063#Comment_347063Sat, 19 Jan 2013 00:41:33 -0600Vornaskotti\o/

Okay, I'm slowly starting to believe it: looks like the suck is over, and all the effort that culminated shortly before last Christmas paid off. After years of wrangling it looks like more or less everything - physical, mental and fiscal - is either already handled and in order, or heading there fast - and there was a bonus. The very day I decided to stop actively dating I got asked out by, let's call her Adventure Girl. In the less than month we've done an incredible amount of stuff together, from pretty awesome Helsinki underground tunnel exploration through gallery tours to gospel concerts, geocaching trips, cooking + scifi movie evenings, and what have you. There's an amazing amount of synchronicity with us, and feels like we managed to slip into each others' comfort zones in an uncanny way. Well, this is just the beginning and I'm very much trying to avoid getting ahead of things, but all the signs point to very good. Also, it's doubleplusgood that my happiness isn't hanging on this one good thing, it's just the icing and the cherry on top of a life starting to turn out all right.

The year started with two weeks of AESD diving school. There's been doctors' lectures and illustrated barotrauma, some indoor training and then surface air training in a freezing mine lake. This has meant waking up at 5am and coming home at around six, with some work waiting to do, but I didn't really mind. It was all kinds of awesome to get to put on something that felt like a space suit and go hop around an alien landscape and move big ass blocks of concrete with lift bags.

The new job starts on Monday, so far everybody I've talked to has said good things about working in that place. Experience has made me quite wary of getting too enthusiastic about a new job, but here the good pre-vibes coming from people are uncommonly strong.

/o\

My novel is due to be published in June. The third draft should've been ready by the end of the year, and now I promised I'll finish it by the end of this month. I just don't have the time an the mental space. A novel takes a shitload of RAM in my head and I never have the time to really suck it in as a whole, so I've tried to do corrections that feel mostly cosmetic and really superficial. That goddamn book is the last lynchpin to swivel my life around by and abandoning it or even postponing it is not an option. I'm sick and tired of forcing myself to do things by the skin of my teeth, and a novel certainly shouldn't be done like that, but gahh. Man's gotta do etc.

My pinky hurts. I know, it's not really on the level of a gunshot wound or a sword cut on the pec, but what makes me worry about this a bit is that it might be decompression sickness. Or then I just sprained a finger that was totally numb from cold (which, by the way, increases the chance for DCS). Have been diving with wet gloves since I haven't had the money for anything else, and +1-2C (= ~16F) water does a number on your fingers. When they are numb, there's no proper circulation, the nitrogen doesn't evaporate = bubble time... I noticed the pain after some 15 meter dives where there was exertion. Sprain or DCS, fucking impossible to tell :/

!!!

@Flabyo: Go and have a chat with a professional. The weird thing about this is that sometimes just a visit or two can make an enormous difference, it really does happen quite often. And if not, that's not a failure either - need to take care of yourself, man.

@Bunny: Go go go with the project, it is indeed awesome :) And uh, well meaning friends compounding a difficult situation by bringing their own insecurities there. Gah :/

@mister hex: Hah, know that feeling - the amount of piss I give to people on a regular basis, it's incredible that I've had the shit kicked out of me only a handful of times :) ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347088#Comment_347088
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347088#Comment_347088Sat, 19 Jan 2013 13:53:19 -0600Peter Kelly
Computer is acting up. Had to reinstall OS, and I didn't have a working DVD drive, so I had to go buy one. Now it seems I need to upgrade my OS (which is long overdue) but I am so far out of date I need to install slightly less out of date version (snow leopard) before I can upgrade to the current one. And now that I have disk of Snow Leopard, it's telling me I can't install it. Bah. Hate this kind of bullshit.

The good.I'm transitioning into a killer job starting on Monday. It could be seen as a demotion, but it'll mean I return to editing tv full time. Editing is my passion, and before the current gig (in middle management) I was always a bit of an ass about how I liked what I did for a living. Truly loved my job. going to appreciate it this time, and not be so much of an ass about it Well, I'll be back at it starting on Monday with some training, then on to a couple of webisodes of a new travel show in Feb and then full out editing a scripted comedy series in March/April. Working on a scripted comedy has been my goal for 10+ years, so I am VERY excited about this. Show looks to be solid. It's low budget with a tight timeline (6 half hours in 8 weeks), but the producer has a good, realistic plan on how to make the show work and where he wants it to be this year, next year and the year after that.

The Love@Hex: seems like been someone's sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.@Faux - Hope you're feeling better at this point@Trini - Word drama is the worst! Its bullshit you feel you have to put with. Hopefully there is a way to avoid or resolve it soon.@Vorn - Things seem to be looking up! But please, get the hand looked at. I know a couple of people who waited to long to get minor things looked at, and they turned into much bigger things then they needed to be.@Everyone - apologies for the lack of personal note, but thanks for posting. Made my boring job a lot more interesting that last little bit. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347089#Comment_347089
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347089#Comment_347089Sat, 19 Jan 2013 15:26:02 -0600oldhat- Managed to actually scare myself on Tuesday, which brought on sort of a lockdown mode on social media and other things until I got down to yellow alert.

- Agreed to meet up with a new friend for drinks (a reader who I ended up seeing at a few beer events) and was looking forward to it until she told me at the last minute that she's bringing her partner. Her partner was the type of person who is pretty sweet but dreadfully shy and so therefore can only really communicate by practically having sex with her lover in front of me. Normally this wouldn't bother me too much aside from feeling alienated, but considering one of the causes of the depression I'm in right now (which my friend knew about) it...just wasn't something I could handle then and there. Nor was the view she held that monogamous people were victims of brainwashing by society and we'd all just be happier if everyone was polyamorous (have no problems with polyamory but DO have a problem with people who feel I'm an uncultured subhuman for being comfortable with monogamy). By the end of it the friend apologized for a terribly awkward evening and I apologized for turning in to a bit of a rude bitch. I don't think I'll be invited out by her again and am not sure I'd go even if I was.

- Not sleeping much and when I do I get nightmares. Blargh.

- Still waiting for call from clinic for the intake survey that will get me on the 3-6 month waiting list for counselling. Finding it weird that I'm on a waiting list to get on a waiting list.

:)

- Am now on Yellow Alert.

- Ordered all my ingredients for the beer (which I'm calling Manor House Intrigue). With luck I'll be brewing it next weekend. Picked up some dried chamomile flowers for it (I'm adding about 1oz to the beer while it boils) and dear GOD it will add a nice sweetness to the aroma and taste. Really looking forward to it.

- Went to the gym for the first time since August this week. Felt amazing.

- Losing weight is slow going, but it's starting to go down. Phew.

:D

@trini ugh, work drama. Your boss sounds crazy. Hope you get the bank teller job!@Flabyo, when in doubt, seek help. Good luck.@Peter, ugh computers acting up. My iMac's DCD drive went kaput in the summer. Stupid things...@argos, keep us posted on the tinnitus. Hope it goes away soon. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347092#Comment_347092
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347092#Comment_347092Sat, 19 Jan 2013 16:07:27 -0600CaratheWaltonOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347093#Comment_347093
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347093#Comment_347093Sat, 19 Jan 2013 16:38:01 -0600DarkestSteps forward: My god for the past few weeks I have been content, or happy or something. The Joy has returned leaving me to focus on the important things. Shop is ticking away nicely even If Diamond could stand to hurry the F up with my comics. I have a Young Avengers craving. Will be 5 and twenty on tuesday. Also there is a girl I like who I'm friends with (She has this long copper red hair...) I asked her out at new years eve and she said she'd think about it (!). Given that I've literally had ZERO experience in the whole romance/ infatuation field this goes solidly in the win column.

Also I was listening to an old interview and my voice doesn't sound too bad.

Around the world:

Perceiver Whitechapel, wouldn't know what I'd do without you guys. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347094#Comment_347094
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347094#Comment_347094Sat, 19 Jan 2013 17:15:03 -0600mister hexSHITSVILLE! - Could've gotten laid last night. Didn't. Could've. Kinda fucked it up.(No pun intended, believe me.) We had a lovely time but upon chatting today, she sensed I was tense and said I should relax. She said this a few times. She's a remarkably intelligent and perceptive woman. She calls me a weirdo and says she is attracted to me. She said some other perceptive things. So I'm not sure if this is a bad thing or just because I'm kicking myself because I got invited to dinner and didn't eat, metaphorically speaking. Short answer is "I'm an idiot who's waaay outta practice." Get that confidence higher, soldier! That's a bloody order!

AWESOMETOWN - ... is where I LIVE, man. REAL concrete progress on the Sanctum - oh - just glancing around me - one small wee corner and then it's ready. READY. (I have a Silver Surfer Action Figure. And an Abraham Lincoln Action Figure. I have spinner racks and excellent comics. I have shelf porn like y'all never fucking SEEN, man.

Hooked up speakers today (FINALLY!) AND SO NOW CAN HEAR MUSIC THE WAY IT IS MEANT TO BE HEARD. A small victory, m'sieur. Grant me one small victory.

Also? I think I have an ACT. Like, something I could do ON STAGE. Stand-up-ish but very conceptual. It plays upon my facility with accents. Posh, Received Pronounciation versus ... well, normal people talk, for lack of a better term. Which is kind of the act in a nut-shell (no pun intended, believe me). The Posh Git has his head in the clouds all the way up his arse and the batman(note the lower case - en't that KIND of Batman, sorry!) is the voice of sober logic. Well, logic, at any rate.

The ups: This is the first weekend I haven't spent a day and a half doing house-repair-type things and the rest of the time doing laundry and catching up on my sleep. Admittedly I spent all last week going to bed at 9pm because my body couldn't get its shit together.

The downs: My body can't get its shit together? Think I'll start hitting the gym after school so at least I'll have an excuse to pass out like an old granny. I'm already behind on school reading because of it. But, meh. My marks are quite well-ish, and I'm not worried.

The somethings: Next week I'm getting a roommate. By that I mean a bedmate, by that I mean my boyfriend is moving in with me. From another city. To here. To be with me. Uhhhhhhm. We'll see how that goes. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347242#Comment_347242
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347242#Comment_347242Wed, 23 Jan 2013 13:53:51 -0600Alan Tyson
...

Well, this is kinda of unfortunate. I had been planning to move in with a buddy in Towson, Maryland, which while only two hours' drive north of where I'm currently living, was more than far enough away from northern Virginia for my purposes. With the exception of some cool co-workers and an endlessly awesome and understanding roommate and friend, this place really has not been terribly good for me, emotionally or financially. I was looking forward to getting out and discovering somewhere new, even if that new place was just a small city outside of Baltimore.

Unfortunately, the guy I was going to move in with currently has a roommate. That guy had previously said he was going to move out, and this would have been great, because he's kind of an irresponsible crazy person with an equally irresponsible crazy girlfriend, and he hasn't made life all that easy for my buddy and prospective roommate. So, naturally, the guy reneges on his word, and decides he's going to stick around until August, and due to the terms of their lease, there's sweet fuck all my buddy can do about it. Now, I can stick out another six months here, but still. I was hoping for an adventure, even just a small one like moving to a new town.

!

On the other hand, I started publishing my novel online, and I've been getting a lot of really nice feedback from readers, both old friends and people who were just trolling the "writing" tag on Tumblr and happened across it. No matter how bad a day I've had at work or no matter how depressed I feel by just sitting around the apartment, a nice comment on that damn book makes me the happiest person on the planet, if only for a little while. It's even more marvelous to consider that as recently as ten years ago, something like this just would not have worked.

" "

oldhat: I've said it elsewhere, but I'm gonna say it again - that beer you're making is going to be awesome, and I'm gonna do everything in my power to get up there and snag a bottle once it's ready.

Mister Hex: Lack of bedspring-squeaking aside, it sounds like you had a good time with a cool gal, and knowing that makes me smile.

My seasonal funk was once again deeper than on previous years, and exacerbated by thoroughly abysmal finances. November was the pits, and oh hey! depression! thanks for showing up and making me not want to get out of bed ever. The lack of romantic involvements certainly hasn't helped. I'm beginning to forget what other people look like without their clothes. Boo, hiss. It would seem more than a bit reserved and slightly depressed fellas aren't in high demand, who knew?!

I feel like 2012 was -- apart from the absolutely thrilling American journey -- the year where I lost the plot, so to speak. Stuck in a rut, not getting anywhere, etc. (And, to sorta reiterate the earlier point, I still think that sleeping alone is the most stupid thing a human being can do with their time, and that's not an exaggeration.)

+

A few weeks back I had a chat with my employer/landlord and that generated such a tremendous feeling of relief that I think the change in atmospheric pressure disrupted weather patterns. Long story short: slate cleaned, and a new apartment smack dab in the center of the city with a better floorplan and cheaper rent. And a basement storeroom large enough for me to totally convert into a guerrilla workshop, so I guess I'll actually start designing and building more guitars! (Which is fitting, I suppose, since the area is occasionally referred to as the Design District. Nothing but hipsters and design boutiques, but I think I'll survive.) The Barry was a pretty awesome first baby, and it actually spawned a few orders right off the bat...

Also, a friend clued me in on the February Album Writing Month thing, which spurred me on to announce that Taphead Album #2 (titled PEARL) will be coming out in March. So there, now I have a deadline. This is the cover for reasons.

!

@Hex - I look forward to one day stumbling drunkenly into the Sanctum. Also yay ladythings!@Roo - I'm sending you best wishes so hard it's ridiculous.@Robin - Major transitions (be they related to occupation, relationships or whatnot) are rough, and you've had them do a nasty pile-up. Small steps, maybe? Anyway, very many hugs your way, my dear. (Also BOO at proselytizing polys, BOO.)@Allana - Thumbs up for the arrival of bedmate!

@Everyone -

Hope this finds you well,R. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347258#Comment_347258
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347258#Comment_347258Wed, 23 Jan 2013 20:26:46 -0600Rachæl TyrellSEVERE lack of money, and it taking three months to pin down a doctor willing to do much needed medical tests and now not getting said appointment until the end of February. Also, there's a lack of sex and I'm not sure how indefinite that might be. Which is tragic.

GOOD:

So far this month, I've seen: Mummenshanz, and in doing so fulfilled a dream of childhood; The Relatives (psych-gospel) while volunteering at a mini-record fair for WFMU, which was amazing in that they got EVERYONE in the venue to actually dance (which just doesn't happen in NYC anymore); and Neurosis at the Brooklyn Masonic Temple, a venue I'd never been to before, and afterwhich my ears were ringing into the next day.

I also went to the James Jean art opening (the first fancy art opening I've been to in my adult life!), and then just today I attended a screening of the animated Dark Knight Returns adaptation, which was AWESOME, because Andrea Romano was there.

Through my recent volunteering at my beloved NJ radio station WFMU, I've met (and drank with) a handful of the DJs, and the station photographer. I've now managed to be partially in charge of updating a section of the website! Hooray!

While it's taken me a long time, and it will continue to take time, I did get the fancy elite "only takes patients that he deems worthy and interesting" doctor to agree to take me to perform the very complicated and somewhat dangerous tests to see if I've got Myasthentia Gravis. I also have an appointment to go back to the Genetics doctor in February.

OTHER:

@trini- Good luck with the website wrangling. I'm in much the same boat.

@JP - my dad was much the same way. When my little half sis was born, for months he was just poking at her asking "when is she going to be fun?!"

@Roo - Supportive doctors who see that your family isn't helping you are SUCH a fucking godsend. Hooray!

@Hex - Hendrix is always a good idea.

@oldhat - weightloss sucks. I got the fellow to try the kind of diet that I try to adhere to. He went to the doctor after three months, and he's down nearly 20lbs. Me? half a pound. WITH medication. Dammit.

@taphead - send me your mailing address. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347276#Comment_347276
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347276#Comment_347276Thu, 24 Jan 2013 06:40:27 -0600Rootfireember
My stepdad is bonkers, and is hell-bent on blaming everything on me, and saying nothing I do will (ever) be good enough,how he wants my money since I obviously have it hidden somewhere (Because all poor folk have scrooge mcduck swimmingpools of money), how I should read his mind, etc etc. Total lack of sanity in his rants. It really feels like there will be a divorce between my mom and stepdad soon; as when he's not freaking out about me, he's freaking out at my mom. Which adds to my stress, and yeh. Not good.It was bad enough that in adition to spending some time at a friend's for most of the night before last, that I had to leave at dinner time last night, and have been staying away from the house since then.

TheGoodGoing to be spending most of my time away from the house, and at a friend's house, whenever I can; and my shrinks and therapists and stuff are trying to keep me sane and if not happy: more stable.

Trying to sort out what I'll sell at my Etsy store, got another scarf finished (YAY ONLY TWO MORE TO GO), and generally trying to take time to try to see the good in life. I'm trying to figure out things I can do that ARENT tourism dependant.ALSO: Our area is trying to get mental health first aid courses started :) http://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org

@HatterGlad you're out of lockdown mode.@Alan-YAY WRITING@Rach - good luck with the tests. I'm hoping and crossing my fingers that things do get better for you, and the doctor stuff gets sorted out, and they can fix the stuff that's been bothering you somehow. @taps- Be sure to put up pics of the instruments and stuff you make :) :) :) ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347280#Comment_347280
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347280#Comment_347280Thu, 24 Jan 2013 07:52:16 -0600fleckyLater! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347393#Comment_347393
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347393#Comment_347393Sat, 26 Jan 2013 20:02:13 -0600trini_naenae
As far as I can tell, I didn't get the teller job. Teh suck. But for the moment, the drama isn't too bad, and I got myself a second (but very part time) job doing data entry/shipping assisting/general computer things for a guy who is selling stuff via etsy, and his wife who was doing the business side of things can't anymore. Probably still to get back on the job search wagon (boo), but it should help a little with finances.

@mister hex: Glad things are going with the lady. I'm sure you'll have a second chance. If she's anything like me, she'll end up pouncing or being super obvious if you don't get on with it soon enough.

@Greasemonkey: Aside from the expense (etc), doesn't weed tend to make you want to eat a shitton and lay about doing nothing? Those are two things I need to avoid if anything, so while the weed might help some people, I imagine it would just make things worse for others ultimately. Unless that kind of weed has a different effect? That said, glad to hear your art is selling well and sad to hear your vision is not doing so well. I hope you figure something out with your eyes.

@Steve Toase: Glad that parenting is being a joy for you. I imagine with time you'll figure out a new routine for the writing.

@Argos: I wish I had sensible life/time management advice, but well, I don't. I do hope that whatever happens, the wedding and everything else goes fabulously. Also, looking forward to all the photos.

@Vornaskotti: Holy shit get your pinky checked out dude. Other stuff sounds great/you can do it, but that pinky stuff is freaky.

And now I need to run, so I'll have to do a part two tomorrow. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347396#Comment_347396
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347396#Comment_347396Sat, 26 Jan 2013 22:11:02 -0600GreasemonkeyOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347400#Comment_347400
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347400#Comment_347400Sun, 27 Jan 2013 01:52:47 -0600razrangelUp down and sideways? Uh. Let's see.

Up: I haven't had a wild color to my hair in a long time. The bleached copper-blond was actually pretty shocking but I don't look good in it. But it was startling enough to be fun. But I wanted purple so onward with the dyeing. (I didn't get purple and it was a pain in the ass and began the fall of several dominoes leading to feeling down in the dumps, but I'm trying to keep this part cheery.) Mom is making some rumblings about buying me a new laptop computer. I could really use it. But I almost could really use a smart phone even more - I've been salivating over the Galaxy Note 2 since November - since my current phone is a Razr that's not even as good as my no-longer-produced Samsung flip was before I dropped it. ARgh... sorry, trying to find silver linings and I keep getting distracted by clouds.

I have generous friends that still let me crash on their couch. I've fallen asleep to the sound of rain the last couple of nights. I made spaghetti yesterday and my niece came in while it was cooking and told me she loved the smell and gave me a hug. I have both seasons of Ghost in the Shell and the Solid State Society movie now. I kept pushing myself forward. Didn't get productive, exactly, but I was never just lying around.

Down: The blues have been hard to fight off. Not the good Motown, Muddy Waters, Robert Johnson stuff, I mean depression lite, that's just stupid whiny, self-disgust, stressed, anxiety-riddled, find all the bad and ignore any good shit kinda blues. There's a lot of broken crap in my life, or shit that falls well below spec. But on top of that my brain has to go and remind me at every second how much my life sucks and how I suck and how it'll never be any better for me and how I should just give up now because fuck it.

It doesn't help that shit hasn't been great. The hair didn't turn out the way I wanted. Fucking figures. Dealing with it all week meant skipping any effort to work out because sweat undoes so much prep work. Ended up making spaghetti because it was impossible to get the family together otherwise, and still brothers couldn't attend. And sis and my mom yelled at each other most of the way through and mom just yelled more when I clapped my hands over my ears and dad took that as approval to be a passive aggressive jerk and we're all just fucking dicks in my family and I'm afraid I'll forget how to not be a dick and I'll only be good at yelling like my mom because that's the only way to get people to take me seriously because when I try to be patient and reasonable people think they can just be cute and trample my boundaries and ignore my limits and demand more of me and when I ask them not to go there they think they'll just go there through a different route because I can't actually mean they shouldn't go there, right? And so they go there and I get fucking pissed and then they get pissed that I got pissed and I think if I had just raised my voice at the beginning instead of trying to be understanding we wouldn't be here and I can't remember which is better, to work for peace and harmony or to be RIGHT, GODDAMMIT.

Tonight was fucking hard at the theatre. Everything fucking went wrong. An actor was super super late and I should have realized it sooner and sent someone to get him. And the tech wasn't there for me but I had to brutalize it to get what I needed for the show. And the actors are chummy with each other and I feel a little frozen out but it's seriously not their fault, I just am not One of Them and I'm just hurting myself trying to force it. And I'm stressed and tired because of everything and I just want to have a good time, but it's not coming because the bad brain is in effect and I want it to go away so bad I can't stop crying because it won't.

Sideways: @Root *hug* *hughughug*@Fleck Always glad for signs of life.@Rachael - Andrea Romano is the shit!! I am always assured that her name means quality, her track record is friggin spotless! Naturally I dream of the say she'll cast me in something, but that day is far, FAR in the future. I got to shake her hand several months ago and just standing there she intimidated the heck out of me! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347402#Comment_347402
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347402#Comment_347402Sun, 27 Jan 2013 02:57:16 -0600chris g
F*CK: Well a few days ago I don't know; maybe my eyes fucked with me because it was night and didn't bring my glasses, or I slipped up for a split second but I misjudged my exit on the freeway and slammed right into the curb that guides the exiting cars, drove over it and ended up in the on-ramp for incoming cars. Luckily no cars were coming so I pulled to the shoulder to see what the FUCK happened to my car. My two front cheapass hubcaps flew off and got lost and the right front tire blew out. I could've called AAA and waited but I'm stupid and thought I was close to home as it is. So it took about thirty minutes driving my trembling car back into town and knew of a tire place that wasn't closed and had them change my emergency tire for $10 bucks (and then got a replacement for $35 the next day). When I got home I felt like drinking so fucking bad but I'm so close to a year of not drinking so I calmed the fuck down and made some tea and crunched a couple of bayer aspirins. My steering wheel is off by a centimeter and I'm not fucking DEAD so I am glad about that shit. I assume after being shaken around inside a vehicle the body will feel fucked up but I feel regular and I did some wrestler neck bridges for a few nights to start strengthening those areas. That is probably my way of trying to get stronger from something that didn't kill me. Didn't make me stranger though =\

YAY?: Other than that shit I only get to work at my old job for 2 days a damn week, the rest of the time I list whatever shit I don't need anymore on 3bay so I guess I am hanging in there. Also I started this new tumblr here so I can hit the ground running this year with ARTS and it's been fun for me so far. I can still do arts for the love & fun of my craft even though I know I realize I'm not good enough to 'make it' in comics or whatever the fuck. That sounds defeatist but it is one realization. Maybe I need to regroup and re-strategize a way to forge my own path in comics. Never ask permission! Anyway, feeling pumped about drawing and art and making MOAR all the time.

Hey, YOU!: Roo: Glad you are safe at a friend's place and getting help. We care about ya!Oldhat: good luck with the weight! At the beginning of 2012 I was at 187 but now fluctuate between 166-170 but that is probably because I quit drinking and getting burritos for lunch every other day. Now it's just tea and oatmeal because I'm extreeeeeeeeme! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347412#Comment_347412
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347412#Comment_347412Sun, 27 Jan 2013 08:27:38 -0600mister hexHad a date last night. When it was dark. A lovely meal (scallops wrapped in double-smoked bacon, shrimp, tomato and bocconcini salad, baby spinach greens with orange slices, cheese, smoked salmon, wine). We never actually got around to watching the movie. Neither one of has any tattoos. A good time was had by all. Several good times, as a matter of fact. In addition to being INCREDIBLY INTELLIGENT (youngest female Full Professor in Canada, I believe and up for a national position as head of some important academic body), an excellent cook (the aforementioned meal) and a genuinely GOOD PERSON, she is Our Type of People. I read her some of my poetry (YOU CAN STOP LAUGHING! I HAVEN'T LOST MY EDGE!) and it was very well received. So you can all stop worrying about me, I can hit a small object that is thrown at me with great force and lob it over the horizon like a Soviet potato.

THE SUN IS SHINING.

"IF THEY MOVE? KILL 'EM!"

My computer is fucking up. And for every step forward, I seem to take three steps sideways, one back, fall down, hurt myself and then get up and take another step forward. I really gotta stop falling down so much. Also, conquered the Lingering Mongolian Death Flu but it seems like a pyrrhic victory, at best. There's something wrong with my foot. If IF it is what I think it is, my posts shall become increasingly morose.

Her perfume is still all over me. She even drove me home. Ah, life. You don't ALWAYS suck, do you?

TO ALL MY FRIENDS! @roo- sending good love and energy. We all care about you, very much and want only the best for you. @trini - weed's not for everyone. Neither are pills. @chris - hope you and your car are okay! That we came THIS close to losing the creator of SPACE SHARK is a thought I'd rather not entertain. @oldhat - yer the best, baby. Never forget that. @flecky - keep goin, me son. Nice to hear from ya. @everyone else - I love you all. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347431#Comment_347431
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347431#Comment_347431Sun, 27 Jan 2013 14:14:43 -0600trini_naenae
@Greasemonkey & mister hex: Good to know that there are variations of weed that have different results. Would that type and usage of weed work for me? Maybe. I think I'd rather stick with the pills for now though. If the weed works for other people, that's great. Ultimately, I'm glad I got the added information anyway - I prefer to know why a certain method works, and what the downsides are, and if the typically assumed side effects apply. I'd be just as skeptical with a doctor prescribing anti-depressants without going into detail about the side effects, especially if they are commonly known to add to the problems that add to the depression (Prozac can cause weight gain, a lot of SSRIs make you tired, etc). I've lost my creative drive, and I'm fairly certain a good chunk of it is the meds I'm taking, but I'm willing to give that up for now if it means I can work on fixing the rest of my life.

@oldhat: Your friend sucks. You deserve to be treated better. If she makes you feel alienated by her opinions even when you're in a good mood, I think she's the rude bitch, not you. I hope you spend more time with friends who actually know how to act like friends.

@Darkest: Good luck with the redhead! Also, fucking snow, I hates it.

@allana: I sleep like 14 hours a night if I'm allowed, so um... I think I'm more like a granny than you are. Not that it's a competition. Have comfort that you don't sleep about 14 hours a night? Best of luck with your roommate/boyfriend.

@Alan: Gah bad guy not moving out grrr! Well, I hope the next six months aren't that bad. Glad to hear novel stuff is going well.

@taphead: Sorry to hear that things are being shitty, especially in the lack of relationship area. This too shall pass? I wish I had clever ideas for that sort of stuff, but um... I'm a bit of a shut in a good chunk of the time.

@Rachael: The WFMU stuff sounds fun. I'm crossing fingers for you that you get all the medical stuff sorted out.

@Rootfireemeber: As shitty things are with your Stepdad and your mom, I am so glad to hear that you are getting away from that shit, at least sometimes.

@razrangel: Keep at it, you are doing good work. I wish your family didn't fight so much.

@chris g: Glad you're still with us. Stay safe.

@mister hex: Woo hoo funtimes!

Bad:My schedule has been in flux lately. A guy quit at the crazy job (no shock), people keep calling in sick, and sometimes I'm the one filling in. I generally don't mind, but one time I got a call at 8:45am that they needed me at 9am and I already had stuff scheduled that day and so I had to do some crazy split shift stuff to make it all work. It's also been crazy cold and there's been lots of snow and some of the places I have to drive involve windy roads. So my car has gotten stuck in the ditch twice (in one day!) and I should get new tires but I can't afford to. I also can't afford to call a tow truck either. I'm hoping the weather mellows out seriously, because this shit sucks. Winter cannot end soon enough.

Good:More hours does mean more pay, so hopefully this means a better handle on my finances. Therapy seems to be going well, and I'm been feeling ok for a while now. Most everyone seems to be fairly understanding about the crazy of my job, so at least I'm not being blamed for it. And it seems that the crazy that is going on isn't focused on me at least. And according to the wii fit I've been using, I've lost some pounds. Hopefully I can keep it up. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347432#Comment_347432
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347432#Comment_347432Sun, 27 Jan 2013 14:17:34 -0600dorkmuffinOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347437#Comment_347437
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347437#Comment_347437Sun, 27 Jan 2013 15:58:01 -0600GreasemonkeyLEAFLY is an excellent resource. It has reviews of hundreds of different types of cannabis, and a tonne of other useful info.

@Hex: very happy for you, my friend. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347440#Comment_347440
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347440#Comment_347440Sun, 27 Jan 2013 16:35:13 -0600Rachæl TyrellAn old friend brought me out for Korean food last night, and I ate so much spicy food it helped battle the new cold that has rested in my throat and sinuses.

also,

The fabulous guitarist of Psychic TV has made my new photograph of him his default fb photo (just like he did last year!)

(last year's was better!)

I am going to see Graveyard tonight! So excited!

Bad:

Aforementioned (married) friend kept trying to snuggle with me and asked me to make out.

I'm still sick with cold, which is not how I wanted to be to see Graveyard play tonight! :(

Others:

@Mister Hex - High five!

@Dorkmuffin - Will I see you tonight at Music Hall of Williamsburg? ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347443#Comment_347443
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347443#Comment_347443Sun, 27 Jan 2013 19:04:07 -0600Rootfireember
I'm home again, and today stepdad was human instead of scary monster man.ALSO: I got on the waitlists for BOTH the housing places I applied to. Wait's around 6mo+ but better than not on the list at all!~Staying at a friend's overnight did help.Stepdad's going to the doctor monday to hopefully find out why he has turned into asshole man.Maybe it's his meds? or a tumor? -mom says he hasn't been drinking lately so my theory of alcohal related assholishness is down the drain. In anycase he hasn't physically hurt anyone.Bad:Stress has made me tired all the time, and also I want to like, have an IV of Mountain Dew or never ending can of it or something. Or water. Whatever. I'm always thirsty :P New meds have a ways to go before they kick in so I'm still feeling the full efects of anxiety+depression+NOS without a buffer. Most of the time I just feel jittery or like crying whenever anything happens. WAH. :P Even though Stepdad's going to the doctor monday, I'm still worried about asshole man appearing again, and possibly killing us all. Apparently that's not an exactly logical fear, and probably from growing up from watching unsolved mysteries and america's most wanted and shit, but that's how my brain works: Angry scary people kill people. It makes sense to me!>:P

Everyone:Thankyou for the words of support and kindness everyone.You guys are my sane brain/ego. :D

@chris_gGlad you're alive and in one piece. Lots of hugs.Car crashes are scary as fuck.@triniHope the weather mellowed out for you. It's been stupid cold and shitty here, too.

@everyone-Hope all ya'll in lands of wintery driving shit drive safe and don't get into any accidents and shit. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347446#Comment_347446
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347446#Comment_347446Sun, 27 Jan 2013 21:11:45 -0600dorkmuffinOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347452#Comment_347452
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347452#Comment_347452Mon, 28 Jan 2013 04:46:19 -0600fleckyI didn't get a chance to get on here the other day, as I still have limited access to the Web-Thing. I'm still in rehab, grinding my way through it all, and I've got about 5 weeks left. Damn, the best way to describe this place is: imagine having to live with a load of people in close quarters, some who I wouldn't have shit-to do-with in the "real world", being stuck in a village where everyone seems to know everyone's business, and having to go to groups, workshops etc. everyday at a rundown school at the top of a hill. I know, it probably sounds pretty naff, but it could be a lot worse.

Fucking crap; I've got cold/flu again! I had it about a month ago, which was a messy time - sneezing constantly, snot pouring out my nose, looking like some infected bastard gagging to bite someone.

Seriously, though, I've been having some horrible paranoid moments recently; times when you just can't connect with people, or you've got so much shit going on in your head that words seem really futile and just not doing what they're meant to. Being human can be such hard work when you are forced to dissect every bloody feeling. For a relatively sensitive bloke (PUKE!), I must be quite thick-skinned to have survived this place.

FUCK YOU, I'M LISTENING TO THERE, THERE BY RADIOHEAD ON ME MP3:

I'm having my first visit back to London this weekend, and I'm going to be staying with an OK mate who is also a recovering addict. If I adapt to a mode of hyper-vigilance and keep away from old haunts etc., I reckon I should be fine.

Even though I sometimes don't think I'm doing well, if I look back to how utterly fucked I was, say, two years ago, I am doing freakin' amazing. Shit, I'm no longer reliant on a walking stick, so that's a miracle unto itself.

HEY YOU THE ROCKSTEADY CREW

I'm gonna have to leave this bit, as I've got to split to get me dinner. But I hope everyone is as good as can be.

END TRANSMISSION.

EDITOADD: I've just printed everyone's posts out, so I'll be reading them on my bed later. What a nice guy! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347456#Comment_347456
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347456#Comment_347456Mon, 28 Jan 2013 07:09:10 -0600DarkestGood: I became 25 about a week ago (on the 22nd) got some nice gifts and cards from folk. Got a ticket to see Lord Warren Ellis in London and if my schedule doesn't clash I hope to brave the Excel centre to see Kieron Gillen at Super Comic con. Might buy tickets to see Delphic too.

YayI've made progress toward two of this year's resolutions. My blood pressure is down, and I have a bigass stack of drawing and comics-writing books to work through. Some of them have assignments, and the one I got for Christmas from my Secret Santa is a damn textbook - it's awesome.

HiCara - Being a former Troubled Youth, it makes me really angry that teachers' jobs are dependent on students' test scores. I had a multitude of magnificent teachers, some of whom focused mostly or entirely on us Bad Kids, and if they were judged on my test scores back then... well, I'm grateful that I went through school before the new testing rules. I'm also grateful to good teachers who will kill their backs sitting in a hallway with kids who have a hard time passing their tests. So, I don't know, pretend I'm one of your kids who's having trouble, because I can't thank the teacher who made the biggest difference in saving my education, and your students may be too busy being kids to say it - Thank you for what you do.

Um. It's early. Pardon the rant. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347546#Comment_347546
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347546#Comment_347546Tue, 29 Jan 2013 14:09:34 -0600CaratheWaltonOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347567#Comment_347567
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347567#Comment_347567Wed, 30 Jan 2013 00:15:20 -0600mister hexMy mom scanned the room quickly but couldn't pick me out. To this point, the teacher had not explained WHY she had called my mom in for a "visit". Teacher finally pointed out a distant corner, shielded by a small wall of wooden blocks, where five or six students sat in a semi-circle, me in the middle, reading to them. READING TO THEM.

"I use him as a bargaining chip. 'If you're good, Patrick will read you a story.' Tell me. How is it that he knows how to read so well? I thought he was faking at first but he DOES know how to read. How is that possible?"

My mom responded - "He's been reading since he was three. Same as me." And shrugged.

I told this to a friend of mine and she said "Oh. My. God. The system failed you. Completely." And I said "Everybody fails. At one point or another. The point is to learn."

YOU teach PEOPLE HOW TO LEARN. That alone gets into MY Blue Heaven.

ETA ~ THIS.

]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347570#Comment_347570
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347570#Comment_347570Wed, 30 Jan 2013 02:22:11 -0600CaratheWaltonOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347589#Comment_347589
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347589#Comment_347589Wed, 30 Jan 2013 12:35:48 -0600trini_naenaeOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347593#Comment_347593
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347593#Comment_347593Wed, 30 Jan 2013 13:31:00 -0600GreasemonkeyOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347595#Comment_347595
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347595#Comment_347595Wed, 30 Jan 2013 14:00:06 -0600DavidLejeuneThe Bad: Employment. Still not a thing that I have. I actually stopped looking for a while after seeing a former co-worker with much more experience than I take a temporary tester position instead of a salaried lead position. So I decided to concentrate on learning Java and Android development (good thing), but that's lead to Bad Thing 2: I am stuck on the game that I was making. The code for Version 1 is pretty much done, but I need art, and I am no good at art, and can't afford to commission an artist (well, I maybe could, but it would decimate my savings. I also assume commissioning someone to do art that I'm going to redistribute in another form instead of just something I want for myself brings with it a bunch of complications). So it's sitting undone and unreleased while I occasionally try to do some of the art myself. I am applying for jobs again, but haven't heard anything back from the first batch I applied to the week before last (other than one of the positions has been filled). If I don't hear anything back by next Monday I'll be applying for temp tester positions because I really really need to have income that is not unemployment so I can move out of my dad's and get overdue car repairs and health and dental coverage would be nice.

The Good: The Ex (over whom I have publicly shed many tears on the Open Mic) and I are sporadically speaking again, and we even hung out back in November. I'm still completely crazy about her (it took pretty much all of my willpower not to try and kiss her when we were just sitting in my car chatting) and trying my level best not to be obsessive about her and so far so good, I guess. The game being at Beta is also a good thing (shameless link to beta video), as is having managed to teach myself enough Java and Android stuff to get it there.

Applause:@Roo: Glad you made it through your crisis and hope you manage to get out of that poisonous environment ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347596#Comment_347596
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347596#Comment_347596Wed, 30 Jan 2013 14:12:29 -0600Bombus Hortorus...and when I was only about what, 5, 6 - the class was asked to draw red apples. I'd never seen one. My parents never bought them, I'd only ever seen green ones. I drew a green one. The teacher yelled at me and screwed it up. Another one, when I'd just moved to a new school, picked me out because I didn't sing along with the class, to a bloody song that I'd never heard in my life before and so didn't know the words - 'you think you're too good to join in?' I think somehow that might be the root of the distaste I have for authority figures - if I go into my daughters' school now I always get tense and ready to pick an argument, doesn't help that a lot of the school staff have a kind of bossy, patronising manner that really rubs me up the wrong way.

But I did have some good ones somewhere along the line, a couple inspirational, if I was still in touch I couldn't thank them enough. So yeah, think that being a teacher is a huge responsibility, the ones who get it right have my total admiration. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347615#Comment_347615
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347615#Comment_347615Wed, 30 Jan 2013 20:26:16 -0600CaratheWaltonOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347619#Comment_347619
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347619#Comment_347619Thu, 31 Jan 2013 01:04:29 -0600Flabyo
The Sunshine

The horrible icy cold weather has buggered off of late, and it's improved my general mood immensely. Over the weekend I went to a retro games event at a pub in the next town over, which was seriously good fun. Old games, friends and beer is a good combination and one I can definitely recommend. Tempted to try and do something like it myself as I know plenty of people who would come and could bring things, just need to find a fairly cheap place to do it.

They had giant gameboys (about 3 feet tall) made out of wood. There was a two player Tetris competition on them. It was good.

The Rain

The game I'm tooling about with to teach myself iOS is steadfastly refusing to be any fun to actually play. I don't know how long I'll continue with it before I consign it to the vault of 'game ideas that just don't work'. It's slow progress, I'm used to things going far more quickly because I've never had to actually design the entire thing I'm working on before, I can tell you that it's harder than a lot of game designers make it look, hehe.

The Umbrella

@David - yup, I know several people in that same situation and I'll probably be there myself soon. It seems that us coders love to try and fly solo but then forget we can't draw for shit... I'll probably have to tap up those game artists I do know and beg for charity for that first release, but as the 'should you work for free' chart shows, that ain't gonna be easy...

As a result I'm trying desperately to come up with an art light game design. Something like Hundreds would be perfect for me. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347632#Comment_347632
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347632#Comment_347632Thu, 31 Jan 2013 08:47:09 -0600fleckyI'm fucking pissed-off right now - I don't even know why I'm typing this in. I got a letter today confirming that my hep c viral load is well over 6000,000! That's, like, fucking massive. The otherwise slight redeeming factor is that I've got genome type 3a, which means I will have to do 6 months of horrible treatment instead of 12.

I going to London tomorrow, and the staff have informed me that some bloke is going to be coming in to share my room; some bod from prison, and I really can not be bothered with any attitude-crap. I dunno; maybe he'll be OK.

I'm in fuck-it mode, still rough from cold/flu. Tired from feeling shite all the time, sick of this rehab. Tired of the people and the way I behave here. I really feel like not coming back. I can't even enjoy coming on this site, due to interweb time restrictions.

HOLIDAYS IN THE SUN:

I refuse to go on self destruct over other people's crap, or my own bollox. I wish I could think of something positive to write, but my head is cabbaged from playing guitar - really badly - for about 2 hours.

she was an animal! she was a bloody disgrace! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347651#Comment_347651
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347651#Comment_347651Thu, 31 Jan 2013 14:16:49 -0600oldhat- Getting to bed later than I'd like and not sleeping well, mainly due to nightmares or general crap stuff.

- Using impending job destruction as an excuse to look for jobs at bars. A craft beer place has agreed to teach me how to operate/clean a draught system on Sunday, which will be very informative.

- Have decided to look in to Cicerone Certification. As a beer friend pointed out "you're learning this stuff anyways, might as well have it lead up to something".

- Just got interviewed by 680 News talking about Toronto beer stuff. The whole 15-20min interview will be put up online at some point and some snippits will go on the station itself on a loop. Plus I may be hooked up with getting on Breakfast Television. So that's pretty awesome.

- DID manage to go to the event that the lady beer group that I'm part of put on. Was good to feel somewhat social again.

- Made my homebrew over the weekend. It's currently bubbling away in the fermenter.

THE THOUGHT FOR MY FRIEND:Welcome back, Roo. All the best, luv. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347779#Comment_347779
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347779#Comment_347779Sat, 02 Feb 2013 16:28:49 -0600Peter KellyI'm about to go out and celebrate my 36 trip around the sun myself. Glad you had a good day. hope tomorrow is even better.

No complaints from me this time, partly because I had the best week at work I've had in years and partly cause I'm already half in the bag.

@Whitechapel - Love you all ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347790#Comment_347790
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=347790#Comment_347790Sun, 03 Feb 2013 09:50:13 -0600mister hexHafta clean up the kitchen. And the Cat areas. And My Room Where I Sleep.

OH SWEET JEBUS AND ALL THAT'S "HOLY"!

I have a Plan. Usually, I fly by the seat of my pants and while that's all Well And Good, A Plan Is Always Better.

Should Said Plan Pan Out, I'll be SET like an Egyptian GOD.

The Ladyfriend Situation? Is AMAZING. Seriously AMAZING.

(Re- The Plan? I have an archive of photos from the fooking early twentieth Century. THEY ARE MINE TO DO WITH AS I SEE FIT. THEY ARE AMAZING. SOME OF THEM ARE DAGUERROTYPES, I think. I am now a living stock photo house.

- Got left a message from clinic saying that I'm now able to talk to the intake people for counselling...with the intake office only open from 9.30-11ish, so basically when I'm commuting to work and working. Hahahaha oh god.

- Been getting annoyed with dad bit by bit. Working out has really reduced his weight and he's keeping it up, which is great...but he's got the annoying obnoxiousness of the newly converted. So that means when I slip up on the weightloss thing (as I did tonight, when I had some pub food), he makes these snippy comments that piss me off and make me feel worse. Blegh.

Blar...ruh?

- Depression is getting better. I'm getting ahead in some aspects and I'm feeling the sense of humour kick back in to gear a bit. Some memories that used to bring me down I can now look back on and feel warmth and good stuff from. Have been so busy that idle time to think about bad shit is pretty minimum. While I'm not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel just yet, I HAVE found a lantern someone left behind and am navigating around until I do.

- I was on the radio last week, which resulted in a ton of pageviews to my site and offers of beer being delivered to me from breweries. Also been getting invited to events more, which is a lot of fun.

- I learned how to replace a keg and cask, clean a tap line and pour the perfect pint on draft. I'm hoping at least this basic but essential experience will help me get a part time bartending job.

- I have an iPhone at last! Feeling much more connected!

- Managed to get a little over five hours sleep last night and it was GLORIOUS.

Bluh!

@hex, sounds like a good plan indeed!@flecky, keep it up. :) ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348010#Comment_348010
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348010#Comment_348010Thu, 07 Feb 2013 16:34:57 -0600DarkestUpside is when I do get to sleep I am actually able to wake up at a reasonable hour which was a problem. Just diet and exercise. Also I'm almost caught up to where I was in Dragon Age Origins. Also I got our shipment of comics at last.

Glad everyone's ok. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348044#Comment_348044
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348044#Comment_348044Fri, 08 Feb 2013 07:09:54 -0600Scrymgeour
I gave up caffeine for about three months last year to reduce my terrible habbit of 7 or 8 espressos a day. It was like having the worlds worst hangover for about three weeks, and then.....Sleep! I never felt better. I stopped smoking at the same time and seriously all I thought about was coffee,I'm back drinking the black stuff again, but no more that 3 in a day now and normally just the one at breakfast. (back on the fags too) ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348072#Comment_348072
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348072#Comment_348072Fri, 08 Feb 2013 12:07:12 -0600allanaBurn: The time I'm spending arguing with the faculty and staff of my grad program over the way it's run is getting to absurd levels. I'm probably going down to part-time next year just so I can stop taking it so seriously (and maybe so I can be around long enough to see some bureaucratic improvements). But I'm feeling belligerent in that I want my opinion known, my voice heard, basically to everyone who might be able to vote on my behalf. I'm blaming the hormones, but it's kinda fun. I can't help but look at this education thing as a financial transaction: I am, in fact, paying this place a fair amount of money in exchange for a service, and I don't really know what else I can do to make it clear that I'm not getting the service I expected. Maybe I'll ask the university for my money back. Maybe I'll sue them. There, that'll keep me busy.

Crash Override: Toronto homeboys, glad to hear things are on the up-swing. Robin, three hours of sleep a night is a seriously rotten deal -- I hope you make it into the clinic ASAP. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348082#Comment_348082
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348082#Comment_348082Fri, 08 Feb 2013 13:38:36 -0600Bombus HortorusMould. Mould. Mould. Fucking fungus. Because of the rain and the damp and the leaky roof, and possibly my levels of mint tea consumption, a hell of a lot of stuff I have been storing in my Man Cave has gone mouldy. The trouble is, I have expensive stuff.

I am cry much. Especially as I've just bought a bloody expensive camera that I can't really afford specifically so I could use all those lenses, only to find that my negligence has caused them all to be royally screwed. My father warned me, after nearly 40 years of realising that he's usually bloody right, you'd think I'd have listened...

Asked about getting them fixed, no way that it's economically viable. So that's that.

And, why does nothing bloody work? No 3g internet signal at work or on the train, so the access I pay for is pretty much worthless. My pc at work can't handle the files I need to work with so I end up spending half the day swearing at things. It also has a weird bug in outlook which stops the mouse working... one website I manage has myriad 'issues' that I can't seem to get resolved in any way... My desktop pc at home needed Windows reinstalling at the weekend because Microsoft are cocks. Burning DVD backups fucks up half the time. So I tried copying files to a usb hard drive, which fucked up too. I just don't understand what the hell I do to things to make them fail so much? Christ, it's not just technology... pretty much all the lights in the house have blown, the bath tap has died and my car has a coolant leak the garage can't find... I mean largely first world problems, but I just feel that life at the moment is a constant, bewildering battle against stupid environmental bullshit and it's at a time when I'm stupidly busy at work and at home and don't need random tomfuckery.

Some girls are bigger than others

Lens heartache aside, I have been out with my new camera, any opportunity. Just uploaded a bunch of stuff to Alamy, first time in 5 years I've tried to take things seriously. Have plans to try and sell prints. Feels good, I've kind of cast off the horrible lethargy of the past couple of years and am doing things. I'm hungry again. I'm worried about how to pay for everything I need. That's good, it means I'm not in stasis. It does mean I'm playing a bit of a dangerous game with mental stability - am trying to find a level of medication that allows me the energy and drive but doesn't let the anxiety/mood crashes back in. Am losing weight quite fast, I just have to take care - I've been waking a few times with the cortisol rush that's usually a precursor to something bad, but jesus, what's a guy to do if he wants to live as opposed to simply exist?

Have just bought a couple of old nineties Nikon lenses to replace the dead ones, they will do until I can afford better, faster ones. I now need to get on and shoot stuff.

And, in a week's time I've got two weeks off work and a further long weekend straight after. So pretty much the rest of February off.

There is a light that never goes out

@hex, long may the loving continue.@faux sorry to hear about your father, best wishes and luck@oldhat 'lantern' -that's a really good way of putting it. Hope you find your way out soonEveryone else... keep the home fires burning ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348100#Comment_348100
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348100#Comment_348100Fri, 08 Feb 2013 19:36:01 -0600dorkmuffin
AWFUL.My computer is being a piece of shit. Crazy stuff happened to it last week on Friday where it looked like the video card was just not working. I'd start it up, I'd get a REALLY weird start screen in funny colors with lines that would then go black except for one blinking pixel. I restarted it a jillion times and then tried to start it up in target disk mode (it's a Mac) so I could back it up, and all of a sudden the monitor started working again.

Naturally, I took it to the Apple Store after I'd backed up the whole gorram thing.

It does this:

And then this (note the white line and the small pixel on the bottom right):

AUGH. I restarted it a thousand times just this now and managed to get it working again, but THIS CAN'T KEEP HAPPENING/IS A SIGN OF A GREATER OVERALL FAILURE THAT IS TOTALLY GONNA HAPPEN.

Also the sads are in full force, but that's totally unrelated. The above is just salt in the wound.

Also I have a bridesmaid dress that is a terrible color for my complexion.

Good:I might have a job interview. Actually i might have three. I've been shooting a lot of shows.

And my manfriend and I are about to celebrate the 5 year mark.

I've started therapy and it seems to be going okay.

Commiseration:@Faux, augh, that blows. Good luck! Best wishes to your dad.@Oldhat, hang in there, lady. Do what you gotta do.@JP, ugh. I hope more of your stuff doesn't get fucked up. Do you have storage space in your house?@Everyone, KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON, AND GOOD LUCK! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348117#Comment_348117
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348117#Comment_348117Sat, 09 Feb 2013 05:08:19 -0600Kay Orchison1. Zap the PRAM: restart while holding down apple-option-P-R and wait for it to chime 3 times. Then let it boot. If you get a working screen, then:2. Boot up from the recovery partition (if you have one, or OSX DVD if you don't) - then back up all your user data, run Disk Utility to check and repair the HD, erase the HD and perform a clean install of the current OS and your apps. 3. If you don't get a working screen after step 1, plug in an external monitor to see if you can access the machine like that. If this fails, it's more likely to be your graphics chip than a software problem, so you'll need to take it to Apple.

AAAAND there goes my dad, lumbering like an upright whale covered in gin-blossoms, into the washroom. He hardly hacked into the sink at ALL this morning. Weird.

It is three months to the day since my mother had the poor timing to up and die on me.

I'm on my third cup of coffee and halfway through my first beer. I have two cigarettes left. And slightly less money than I need to survive in this wretched snowbound country.

YES, TODAY'S TOP STORY IS THE FUCKING WEATHER. I hate winter. HAAAAATE it. ("Then why do you live in Canada?" SHUT. IT.) Two feet of snow in the last twenty-four hours. KILLKILLHATEHATEHACKMURDERMUTILATE. And me, with two fags to me name. No way to get more but to mush and barter with the local Koreans. Fuck it right in the ear.

ON THE OTHER HAND ~

Got a date with mah Ladyfrien'. Might even hook up with Greasemonkey down the big comic booky celebration thing at the Comic Book Lounge (formerly Dragon Lady Comics, a landmark of my childhood as a fanboy). Robin can't make it though, dash it all. Things going VERY WELL with Mah Ladyfrien', though. We are digging each other about the same, which is to say "very much, thanks", which is pretty awesome. Plus, if you give her fifteen minutes, she's likely to take over the world on you. Yes, she is THAT good. At everything. Frankly, I'm amazed and I wonder what she sees in me and then I look in a mirror or have a thought and I see what she sees in me. Sooooooo, yeah, as Eddie Izzard would say.

Other Good Things Include General awesomeness happening all around (despite the fucking snow.). Sanctum? (Hey, buddy. I didn't even touch 'em!) Coming along VER' NICE. The post-cards from World War Two kind of add to the ambience. A Mad Men -era photo of my beloved Aunt Paddy. A glass boot from a twentieth-anniversary dinner of the end of the FIRST World War, with a pocket watch, inscribed to "Fitz", my great-grandfather, from the staff of the Toronto Telegram, 1916, sitting on my desk in front of me. A picture that should be in the Baseball Hall Of Fame, of Fitz back when he played ball, circa 1890s? 1900s? Only an forensic hairdresser would know for sure. Moo Hoo Ha. Ha.

Also, I am not currently wearing pants. That is all.

EDIT TO ADD ~ WAIT! THAT'S NOT ALL!

Gonna go out and get me a lotto ticket CAUSE I FEEL LUCKY.

]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348124#Comment_348124
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348124#Comment_348124Sat, 09 Feb 2013 07:57:22 -0600LittlepurplegothOtherwise he says that everything Kay suggests is exactly what they should be doing at the Bar. In his store they'd sit you up and get you to go through the process there if you don't have applecare, but he thinks that whilst the customer service ethos supports this generally, its not worldwide policy :-( ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348126#Comment_348126
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348126#Comment_348126Sat, 09 Feb 2013 08:48:48 -0600dorkmuffinDORKMUFFIN JUST ANGRY. DORKMUFFIN WANT COMPUTER TO WORK. DORKMUFFIN SMASH.

Things continue to go great with the Adventure Girl. It's absolutely wonderful to have someone to really take on the world and to do stuff with - from clubbing to theatre to various adventures, with a healthy dose of just lazing around and watching movies or co-opping videogames. Thus far the match is stupefyingly good, which doesn't come easy for a challenging motherfucker like myself. I has a happy.

The new job has been very interesting and intense so far, and accommodating with my quirks, like the dive school. And speaking of which, it has been also all sorts of awesome. Got pressurized to five atmospheres in an old navy pressure chamber, next week we are going to take some samples from the bottom of the sea ice, and got to dick around the primary marine research vessel of Finland - and got nominated as the board member of the research divers' society while I was there, but since I'm technically not a diver nor a member of the organization, it has to wait for the next year. Going to the Red Sea to study reefs next month with the school. Not hating the idea.

Things are really looking up.

/o\

Stuck with the novel. Stuck, stuck, stuck. Going through the cycle where I don't really want to write a single word ever, and don't even want to see the book, but I know better than to swear off writing. I hope the cycle turns again and gets the words going.

Money, as usual, is still an issue for the next few months. The dive school and having to skip weeks of work doesn't really help. Just trying to be frugal and handle that shit somehow.

o/

@oldhat: Congrats on your wild success in the wonderful world of beer, and the depression being on the wane!@dork: Balls to that computer crap. Devil's machines...@JP: Ooooh shit man, that's a bad hit with and no mistake :/ Any chance insurance will help on that? ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348203#Comment_348203
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348203#Comment_348203Mon, 11 Feb 2013 02:33:57 -0600Scrymgeour
unsurprisingly Vodka may be the answer here. Or even better everclear or other NGS. It is great for cleaning mould off of things (even helps foot odour), so give it a try on some of your lenses (obviously try it out on a cheap one first). Its a disinfectant and a great solvent so should work. Its one of the best glasses cleaners around so I would imagine it'll work well on lenses.Good luck ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348205#Comment_348205
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348205#Comment_348205Mon, 11 Feb 2013 03:12:27 -0600Kay OrchisonOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348254#Comment_348254
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348254#Comment_348254Mon, 11 Feb 2013 16:44:29 -0600dnewlingThe Hurrah: I am off on a day trip tomorrow to visit a bird sanctuary called Owlcatraz! I'll be looking forward to putting up the photos on my Facebook.

@Vornaskotti: I know the feeling about getting stuck. There is an aspect of my own novel that really needs reworking and I am stuck. All I can do is keep the faith that my subconsious will come through and provide the answer. And there are always dreams. Did you know that when Stephen King got stuck at one point, he put his trust into his subconscious to provide the solution with a dream? Then he had the dream and it became the next scene he wrote. I hear you can even programme your subconscious to provide the answer when you get stuck. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348259#Comment_348259
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348259#Comment_348259Mon, 11 Feb 2013 19:53:28 -0600VornaskottiYeah, that's more or less my approach to creative things, got my arse kicked in an amusing way by my subconscious last summer. Unfortunately this isn't about figuring out some plot point or theme - just finding the time to do grueling re-reading and editing and re-reading and editing - with time pressure since the deadline has whizzed past... ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348261#Comment_348261
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348261#Comment_348261Mon, 11 Feb 2013 21:14:11 -0600Fishelle
Today, I went into the studio to find that someone had stolen all my intaglio matrices. My copper plates were gone for the print that took me half a fucking semester, that I didn't print a proper edition of, that I only have one proof of with creases in it. That proof is in a nice frame because it was in my big show at the big museum at the end of last year, which is nice and all, but right now I just feel like it reinforces that people liked the thing and now there's not an edition and I can't print any or try and sell any or do anything with it, when I could have maybe managed to do that if I had the plates. The stuff that was stolen in general is incomprehensible, and the only explanation we can figure is someone wanted to be an asshole. If they wanted to sell the copper for scrap, they would've taken the big shit other people had, not my little 8" by 10" awkward kissy face with hickies. Someone else left their plate out and it wasn't stolen and it was 5 times the size of mine for fucks sake. They also took a couple of old zinc plates, which are worth basically nothing. And boxes and tools and library books and cds from other people. My professor is trying to figure out how to get the room locked off without inconveniencing everyone, putting things on the cupboards so we can lock them, and telling us all to buy locks, but it's much too late. I've had paper, prints, and mylar be snagged before (this school year, of course), but at least those things made sense to steal. I want to find out who did this so I can bash their skull in with a hammer.I spent the rest of the day working on a piece, but after some conversation I feel like I can't really use it, and so I'm sort of stuck and I don't know what my next thing is going to be. And I wasted the whole day drawing a thing I can't use.I was looking forward to a thing tonight that was feeding me, but then it was pizza. I'm so sick of pizza. College has made me hate the stuff. It's all anyone thinks people my age want, I swear. I know it's a little thing and I'm finding a cloud in a silver lining, but I don't care. Fuck pizza. The last time I chose to eat it, I spent the next couple of days throwing up and being unable to enjoy Christmastime, so that probably doesn't help my opinion of it. Try having little bits of peppers come up your throat for a day, and you might never want it again either.All in all it's been a grumpy day. Which is fine, grumpy days happen. If it were just today, I might not even bother posting. But things have been aggravating all around lately. I have this mental block making me feel like I can't work on anything because there's just too much I have to do, which has led to me being behind on everything. I don't have time to work on my art stuff because of school, even though I'm supposed to be going to school for art. So because the deadlines are more consistent, I've put off my print class for my other 3 classes, even though I'm less enthused by them and I'm actually getting paid to work on my stuff for print this semester. I just don't have the energy to do this anymore. I need to be done with all the information being piled into my head for a minute so I can digest a tiny bit of it. I know what I want to do, at least as much as I need to, but I'm being pulled in too many directions to manage it. I'm used to being the 3.7 GPA Full tuition scholarship always master of all things school related, and I don't know what broke but I think that was a different person and I just got her life and memories at exactly the wrong time. I don't have to be that anymore because there's no scholarship to keep for next semester but it keeps nagging at me that I'm not. I don't even know if any of this paragraph makes sense, but it's perfectly appropriate if it doesn't. Nothing in my head makes sense right now. I need to get out of my head. I need to run away. But I'm stuck here until May.I know I have it really good compared to a lot of people. Hell, I have it good compared to myself 4 months ago. I just need a rest.

Okay, maybe not everything is fucked.I got asked to do a piece for a fancy art auction gala at the local Museum Of Contemporary Art (they really seem to like me there). It's one more thing to do, yeah, but it's one of those things that will count after school ends. My professor will let it count for credit for my print class, so that's helpful too. He was asked to contribute as well, but sort of scoffed at the email calling him "one of Utah's top artists" to begin with. I'm glad I can still appreciate things like that as much as I can. I'm one of Utah's top artists apparently, guys. That's pretty neat.And, already briefly touched on this, I got that Undergraduate Research Opportunity Program (UROP) grant/assistantship. Which means I'm getting paid to work on an art project. An art project which happens to correlate nicely with what I'm doing in my print class. The extra paycheck makes a big difference.It's almost over. Less than 3 months.

Applesauce@JP I am so sorry to hear about the mold. That really sucks.@Oldhat Yay for the pub experience! I hope you get a job that you love before too long. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348270#Comment_348270
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348270#Comment_348270Tue, 12 Feb 2013 00:37:57 -0600razrangel
OB is back from jail, not yet back on his meds, without any money from the government, without any sense of having done anything wrong, with a load of plans for making money that we in the family do not want him to embark upon (medical studies wherein he doesn't take his prescribed meds but these other things that leave him more aggressive - or placebos), and a few ideas for how next to break his restraining order. And not one "thank you" to Mom for helping him out while he was in jail, for picking his ass up in the middle of the damned night, for putting him up, for feeding him, for buying him anything he thinks of.... Meanwhile I can't get through more than a sentence without wanting to scream. The only thing that keeps the label "raging asshole" from applying to him is that he is schizophrenic. Which doesn't really help me find the patience to deal with his crude, inconsiderate bullshit. (And I don't want to be excused from being patient. The last thing the world needs - especially my world is meeting assholery with assholery.)

Best friend has me worried. Deeply worried. Almost every one of the last handful of times we've gotten to hang out together she's jumped into a horrible mood and pushed everyone away. I'm hard to push away, just FYI, particularly the more concerned I am about someone. But her temper is starting to get to me. And that's different and new. It's different enough that I'm fazed by it, but also different in hmm...strength, maybe. And of course there's never a good time to mention it. Either the temper is going and if you say the slightest, mildest thing to her she'll come back with something like "I get it, I get it, I'm an evil bitch" or the temper will shortly be going because she doesn't want to talk about the bad times when things are going well. I know for a lot of people this kind of behavior just won't be tolerated, but I demand a lot of tolerance out of myself because I know when I'm going through hell it takes a lot to tolerate me. And because I am just guessing, but I truly suspect she's going through some sharp depression and doesn't have any good coping mechanisms. It's strange to think I know when she has something she wants to express by the way she demands people leave her alone... but hey, I consider her my best friend for a reason. We're alike in so many ways.

The Joy:I am free of the fucking show! I feel a little bad about calling it "the fucking show" when it's actually quite a good show. It's just eaten my life and been extremely frustrating and the return was only barely there... So fuck it. I'm free. Nyah nyah.

There are about a million cookies on the table (Oh Girl Scout niece, you slay me) and it's Fat Tuesday. Oh hell yes.

Making some new friends here and there. On my way out of the theatre a few people stopped for hugs and photos. A pretty boy and drinking buddy gave me a hug. A girl I was crushing on a tiny bit mentioned that we should get coffee. After the theatre I ended up (through kismet and weirdness) with a free pass to a 24 hour Korean spa and a friend-of-a-friend for a guide. So we spent the next 6(!) hours sweating like mad in the hot saunas, freezing our bits in the ice sauna (up in the co-ed area) and then getting naked in the women-only section and wash, rinse repeat. I've never done that before. Kinda crazy, but really kind of rad. I'm not sure I'm convinced that it's a wonderful, perfect thing to do health-wise, but what the hell it was a lovely way to spend an evening. Got to know the guide much better and we're facebook friends (she's really kind of amazing, here in LA to apply to grad schools in between a long sojourn to India and film teaching gig in Beijing) and...ah what the hell she's very easy on the eyes.

Am in a weird place of noticing a lot of human beauty, male and female. And all around trying not to get caught staring at either one. I am bi, but usually swing one way or the other. At the moment I feel like I'm oscillating. Not that it matters, no one is approaching me so... Talking to the guide-turned friend I found myself revealing a little more about where I am with desires and for the first time in ages opened up to someone who isn't a close friend about how lonely I've been getting. It felt very much like turning my head up to the cosmos and pointing at a lack in my life and saying please help. Or may that was the dehydration....

HUGS:@JP Man that sucks to loose pricey equipment... I really hope you can salvage something.@Vorn Good on ya with the new lass - adventure girl. Heh sounds like good times.@Fishelle I'm so sorry to hear about yet another theft. It doesn't make sense and it sounds like you're being targeted. That's serious badness... }:< People need get a damned hobby that isn't being a dick to you. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348274#Comment_348274
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348274#Comment_348274Tue, 12 Feb 2013 01:37:17 -0600LittlepurplegothIt shouldn't be the water sensor (unless its actually gotten wet?) but that wouldn't produce these symptoms, (to any hint of wet, he says 'lalalalala not hearing that :-D' )

@JP I'd second vodka as good for dealing with mould. Also milton diluted in a spray bottle can be brilliant on all sorts of things. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348292#Comment_348292
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348292#Comment_348292Tue, 12 Feb 2013 07:19:31 -0600dorkmuffin@Fishelle, jesus fuck I would be STEAMING mad too. Ugh. Good goddamn. Sending you a ton of sympathy and hoping that, in this totally random universe in which we live, you luck out and have something awesome happen to you soon. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348527#Comment_348527
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348527#Comment_348527Sat, 16 Feb 2013 08:25:36 -0600mister hexPTOOI!

I hurt myself. I have pain. It was gravity and stupidity. My rib. Internal bruising. It'll go away but it's the sign of a fall. Strangely (and I mean that), it's almost EXACTLY IN THE SAME SPOT THAT MY MOM HAD A PAIN WHEN SHE HAD A FALL, A FEW WEEKS BEFORE SHE DIED. (It was at work, stupid, overreaching, stopped short on unyielding metal machinery. Trying to clean the baler. Foolish and I'm paying for it.)

The house is a MESS. Like a Roman siege. I have to clean it. No one else will do it. I have 99 problems and 1001 tasks. And the will to do them, injured? Uhhhh, not so much, no. Nonetheless, IT MUST BE DONE. SO GET TO WORK. Once I stop this typing thing.

CHEERS, NO JEERS!

... my pal is coming over to help me clean. Double the hands, half the work. He's also got a creative project that's gonna make y'all SHIT YOURSELVES INTO UNCONSCIOUSNESS, it is so good. We make this come off, sky's the limit. Scratch that, BEYOND OUR SOLAR SYSTEM is the limit.

Mah Ladyfrien'. We are becoming very close. We had a Valentine's Day together. It was VERY SPECIAL. I have not had a date for a proper Valentine's Day since Christ was a zygote. Since the Year Dot. Since FOREVER. My only fear is that I am some Special Project to her, an academic distraction that includes sexytimes, motivate this loser to ditch the bushel-basket that covers his light. I get the sense she expects more of someone "with my intellect", as she says. I dunno. We're taking it slow, which is The Way.

TELEGRAMS!

-Fishelle - SOMEONE did it. It was not "Teenagers". The Weed of Crime bears bitter fruit. Crime does Not Pay. What has happened is horrible. - razr - hope it all works out, vis a vis OB. Yay for noticing beauty, wherever and whatever it may be. - Dork - Still hating computers. -Vorn - WRITE THE BOOK. - aLL - Loving You Is Easy, Cause Your Beautiful. @Warren - HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348795#Comment_348795
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348795#Comment_348795Thu, 21 Feb 2013 16:34:19 -0600oldhat- Self-worth issues are creeping up again. While the beer stuff has been good lately, I'm feeling like I'm severely lacking in what I'm writing about and how far I go in to things with my research. Plus among beerfolk I haven't quite been feeling like "one of the guys" lately, only keeping things good in work-related situations but otherwise not being a person beerfolk would regularly hang out with...feh.

- Getting concerned about my eating habits. While the quality of the food varies, I don't really tend to step above 5-600 calories a day. Reason being because my stomach just...can't handle much. Even a bite of bread makes me nauseous nowadays. Will be seeing the doctor about it at some point.

- Counselling probably isn't going to happen. I can never reach the intake people in the small time window they provide and by the looks of things, I won't be able to get the time off work to go anyways. Plus considering the waitlist (3-6 months) I have no clue what my schedule will be like.

However...

- Valentine's Day was nice. And I got called "sweetheart" by the one person who makes my heart flutter when they call me that.

- So much free beer. Including a reader bringing me back a bottle of New Holland's Dragon's Milk Stout, which I fell in love with in Chicago last year.

- Awesome and patient friends are being awesome and patient. Am getting pretty regular messages telling me how awesome I am (I'm looking at you, dork, Fishelle and Hex) and they've been sinking in. Also looking forward to the Whitechapel meet-up/Hex's Birthday Bash this Saturday. Although my social skills are dulled a bit, I do love those folk.

- Bottled my beer over the weekend. We'll see how it is in a couple of weeks. Can definitely say that the Chamomile came through.

- Am studying to be a Cicerone Certified Beer Server (Cicerone is basically the beer version of a Sommelier). The way I see it, I'm learning this stuff anyways, might as well have the knowledge go towards something that will give me a little more credibility and better access to jobs within the industry.

OHAIDERE:

@hex, see you soon. :)@Fishelle, I want to find whoever stole those and do...very horrible and creative things to them. Argh. BUT! Glad that you're getting an additional paycheque. :)@raz, I know what that's like...I have quite a few friends who mean the world to me who deal with things by pushing away. Even to a point where the only way I can check in on them is by checking the obituaries to make sure they aren't on there. It's really tough, but...they get out of the patches if only for a little while. Sounds like you're doign the best thing by being there for her. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348841#Comment_348841
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348841#Comment_348841Sat, 23 Feb 2013 06:08:58 -0600sellmeyoursoulThe good: Really quite a bit. Job going well. It turns out I like being a manager and they seem to really like me being a manager. Working this closely with other people highlights how dang good I am at the technical bits of my job, which strangely gives me more confidence when I'm facing something I feel clueless about (which is pretty much what doing support is).

The kid's doing great. I moved into my own place a few months back which is good and bad, but mostly good. If I get a bonus next month, I'll probably be able to pay off one of the major sources of debt in my life. I'll probably fall a bit short of the goal to pay off 100% of the debt my ex-wife left me in within 5 years, but at this rate, I'll be damn close.

The bad:The job has way more responsibility and pressure. That means the time I'd spend decompressing during the day (say, checking in with you people) is gone. The move makes this worse. I get up at 6 am, get the kid ready, arrive in the office around 9ish, work 'til 4:30, pick the kid up, dinner, bedtime, dishes (oh, for the decadence of a dishwasher), back online to work for another half-hour to an hour and next thing I know, it's after 10pm, I'm exhausted, and need to do it all over again tomorrow. Most nights, I just pass out. Occasionally I twitter on my phone during long conference calls and what not, but I'm always 24-48 hours behind so feel silly chiming in most of the time.

The love life is a dud at the moment. I seem to go on plenty of first dates that just fizzle. The good news is once I would have worried "what's wrong with me?" now I'm just kind of bummed that it's so hard to find mutually interesting people.

The supersexy: @oldhat - If those canadian beer guys don't want you to be one of them they are either clueless, douches, or clueless douches. Put me down for Robin is awesome. @mister hex - Tell me more of this Lady Friend business. Sounds lovely. Good on ya'!@razrangel - I hope things work out with/for your brother. I know he's been a challenge for you in the past. Wouldn't it be great if we, as a society, took care of our mentally ill? Thanks Reagan! @Fishelle - Thieving thieves fucking fuckers <insert ragehate words in duplicate for a bit more>. I kind of know some of what you're going through. During my divorce my ex told me she had to throw away "a box of old notebooks that got water damaged" (I.E. almost everything I wrote in college). Assholing assholes!

OK. Too many people... skipping a bit...

@Vorn - If you haven't yet, get the hand looked at.@roo - hope the new meds are helping and that stepdad's getting help.@flecky - keep doin' it man. Can't let those bastards win! (where those bastards is everyone... myself included. Fucking wanker that last one!)@taphead - Nice guitar! How much does a taphead original go for? What's it sound like? <covet>

@ALL - I missed you. Keep being awesome. Someone's got to. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348876#Comment_348876
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348876#Comment_348876Sat, 23 Feb 2013 18:03:55 -0600dnewlingOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348938#Comment_348938
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348938#Comment_348938Sun, 24 Feb 2013 15:04:06 -0600icelandbobWow, it's been a long time since I last came on here. It's all been so... hectic and stuff. But I suppose it's best to get stuff unloaded on here. get back in the swing of things.

THE GOOD - Well since I was last on here, I've started my own club night based on my blog, Reykjavik Sex Farm! Yes, after hearing a never-ending stream of shitty house music and bright pretty young things just sucking the life out of the place with their vacuousness, I have made the move to get some proper music in people's ears. the first night happened a couple of weeks ago and it was very well turned out. Lots of UK funky and grime music, although it was a bit of a sausage fest. but hey, no one died and that is the important thing. Next month we go full on Goth!!

- After having some mental health problems towards the end of 2012 that i mentioned in my last missive (Anxiety, Depression, etc...), I managed to book in with a psychologist. I'm not 100% if it's going to sort out all of my issues. I spend most of my session getting in huge barely controllable rants about how fucked up EVERYTHING is, but he does seem to understand and he at least has been trying to get my find techniques to calm down... a little.

- Had a very well known local musician come up to me at SONAR last week to say that the stuff I was doing was "So important" and should not give up. that was nice.

THE BAD - Still no sign of a baby. I know it has been getting Sigga even more down than usual as it seems that everyone we know is either pregnant or just had a child, even those who had little chance of getting pregnant. So starting in April, we're going on IVF, which in Iceland (As with everywhere else)costs a small fortune. Which means that it will be rather unlikely we'll be going to the USA this year as planned.

- Feel rather heavy and unfit right now. This is mainly my fault in that I'm not managing my time really well. Plus I'm still not sleeping well. meaning that I'm pretty much knackered when I finish at my work. Plus, still probably eating too much crap and drinking too much as well.

- Personally still pretty much a walking time-bomb of rage. For example, I asked my boss a question a few days ago about another co-worker, only to find myself getting so angry during the conversation that I almost punched him. And it was a pretty innocuous question too! I really need to try and get this anger issue thing sorted. Also got into a rather nasty argument at SONAR last weekend with a couple of musician cousins who really hate the paper I write for and were spouting half baked, ignorant ideas on music and what makes good music writing (They said a local writer was really great because "He does, like, loads of research on wikipedia and everything!"). I should have ignored their stuff but they have a habit of pressing my buttons and I just started shouting that they were parochial insular fools and almost screamed at them to get fucked. thankfully my friend who knew us all calmed me down to the point where i simply mumbled "You may have a valid point." God i hate the groupthink on this bloody Island.The funny thing is that I don't go round threatening to beat up people, but it´s just that every time I get angry, I almost hulk out to epic proportions and it's starting to look bad.

So yeah, I'm doing some good things, but I'm kicking myself almost every-step of the way. But i suppose it's just the continuing struggle of existence eh'

SHOUTOUTS

@SELLMEYOURSOUL - Congrats on the release. You sent me some of your msuic to check out didn't you? And I never got back to you which was really bad of me. It's that whole hectic thing to be honest. But this looks and sounds good. Well done.@OLDHAT - I get the whole self worth thing. My mate says that no one like a concert promoter with low self esteem issues (Um... cheers for that!), but if there's anyone on here that is worth a damn, then it's you, OK? Start cock punching life till it give you what you want!@FISHELLE - man getting your stuff nicked sucks so hard through the arsehole of existence. @JANOS - second. WRITE THAT BLOODY BOOK!!

and hugs and more hugs to everyone on here. I will try not to drift away so long this time... ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348961#Comment_348961
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348961#Comment_348961Sun, 24 Feb 2013 23:31:41 -0600mister hexVas birthday. Yesterday. I am 39+4! Hooray!

Saw fellow Whitechapel folk and had a SMASHING time. Pizza, beer, comics, good talk and fun. I thank Whitechapel for enriching my life, once again.

Robin is so sexy, she'd punch me if I told you how sexy she is. (Having survived being punched by her, I can only say that I have absolutely no interest in ever being punched by her ever again.)

Ladyfriend Business goes swimmingly. Met her parents and they didn't take one look at me and chuck me out into the cold Canadian street. They didn't even take two looks. Her dad shook my hand and I could see he was pleased with my grip and the fact I called him 'sir'. Her mom thinks I'm cute. *swoon* Brought her grapes and a plant, as she's recovering from minor surgery. She's THIS CLOSE from TOTALLY falling in love with me. I still got it! Whatever it is!

UH ....

Still crushed by depression, still procrastinating, still a useless bastard. Uphill battle to rouse myself to action. NO TIME! When I think of all the time I've wasted doing fuck-all, I GET EVEN MORE DEPRESSED.

I worry that the LadyFriend is using me as a distraction. Then I see her texts and am in her presence and I worry no more. Until I do. Vicious fucking cycle that I am bound to break, mark my words.

In two weeks, less, even? Four months since my mom died. This was my first birthday Without Her. Crying now. No, I just got something in my eye, I'll be fine ...

NOW THEN- @SELL- Fuckin' A! @Bob - Fuckin' A Bob! You realize we in Canada think you're awesome? We in Canada ARE VERY AWESOME so if WE think YOU are awesome ... says something, dunnit?@OLDHAT - hey, there/ sexy girl!/ Drinking all the beer/ don't punch me please!

@everyone who's name I've forgotten - KEEP CALM AND BE AWESOME. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348983#Comment_348983
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=348983#Comment_348983Mon, 25 Feb 2013 04:43:53 -0600DarkestGood: See above, I've recouped some of my animus. Went to London Super Comic Con got some stuff very good. And of course Going to the smoke tomorrow to see Uncle Warren.

See some of you there, I guess. I shall endeavour to make some sort of name tag.

Support: Hang in there guys. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349245#Comment_349245
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349245#Comment_349245Thu, 28 Feb 2013 08:32:12 -0600fleckyHere goes: I've been living in a bubble of safety in the sticks for the last six months, and when I visited London the other day it was an assault to the senses that left me shaking; it just made me finally realize how vulnerable I am.

I've only got 5 days left here in rehab, and most people are saying I should hang around here. My head is a minefield of indecision - to the point that I sometimes feel unfunctionable. I never thought I would say it, but getting clean is really the easy bit.

I'd best not break the laws of Whitechapel, but I'm emotional as hell.

KEEP YER HEAD DOWN AND SURVIVE:

The plan, so far, is to return to my flat, do it up, go on a day programme, and utterly annihiliate the rooms of N.A. I've got no family to help me, no partner, so I'm going to have to be a man alone at times.

Fuck - gotta go. Take care! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349256#Comment_349256
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349256#Comment_349256Thu, 28 Feb 2013 10:20:17 -0600Mark ROPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349303#Comment_349303
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349303#Comment_349303Fri, 01 Mar 2013 03:48:54 -0600Rachæl TyrellDammit, Flecky. I just found the postcards I bought for you. I was about to ask if you'd still be at your away place, but now you're leaving. You'll have to send me your new/old address.

GOOD & BAD:

There's new medical stuff. Which is hopeful, but not. (The full description is HERE) The gist is that I just got oodles of testing done, and started on a new medication. The medication might be making me hurt a lot more, but that might mean that it's working, which might mean that might have a diagnosis. It's a lot of mights.

BAD: I fucking hurt really fucking bad, and I my doctor has pretty much told me I have brain damage.

GOOD: I also have pain medication! Yay! I'm also being sent to Florida in a few days to photograph a performance artist and then model in latex for fetish photography. I love that I just stumbled into this.

BAD: I stumble into everything and I've been realizing that I've never really TRIED at anything concrete. One can only have a single fixed goal at a time, I suppose, and mine for the past 17 years has been getting myself diagnosed, fixing my waning vision and waning limb control, and not hurting. Everything else has fallen by the wayside.

The fellow brought me to an art opening with silk screened works by folks who work for Titmouse, which was awesome in itself, but I also was forcibly introduced to Christopher McCulloch due to my whole red(ish) hair and eyepatch and wearing black thing, and we all talked about GI Joe and George Lucas.

inbetween.

A woman walking by me screamed "FUR is MURDER" and gave me the finger as she walked away. It was a fake fur coat.

bad.

We went to visit our friends bartending nearby. The bartender went to walk two blocks away to grab someone's car keys so he could borrow their car and bring supplies to a friend who'd been hit by a car a few weeks prior and was unable to leave his apartment. On the bartender's two block walk in HIPSTERVILLE he was jumped by two guys for no reason, punched and kicked and left without even robbing him. He was a mess, his eye swollen shut and bleeding. We took his dog out for a walk, and the dog lept up and knocked my camera out of my hand, totally busting the already janky lens. I'm going to Florida on Wednesday to shoot, and I have no financial means of replacing it at the moment

inbetween.

The bartender is insisting to pay for the lens, for which I feel kind of like an asshole, but I really do need it. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349423#Comment_349423
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349423#Comment_349423Sat, 02 Mar 2013 17:37:00 -0600razrangelDownside: all of that up there? That's pretty much all I've done for the past seven days. AT ALL. I've done nothing else, really. Allowed myself to get back to a schedule of going to sleep after sunrise and no rousing myself until afternoon. When I fuck my day over like that it's entirely too easy to convince myself that there is nothing I can do with the rest of the time so I might as well lay around through evening and watch more cartoons or whatever into the wee hours.

I used to hate so hard when days were wasted. There's so much out in the world to do, to touch, experience. Why laze about? Why indeed. Why am I doing this? I don't feel numb or depressed. I *had* the motivation...but it barely manifested a few weeks ago before I snuffed it out again. Why do I do this to myself? For fuck's sake it's like I wait till I see I actually have gotten a step or two toward a goal and then, just to spite myself, I go and flush it all away. FUCKING WHY.

Oh and being lonely. God. Like any problem in my life could possibly be solved by hiding in bed... I just about want to brain myself to be relieved of not having someone *ahem* in bed with me.

Beside: @oldhat - good for studying to be a fancy beer server, respect. Seriously.@icelandbob: holy shit your own club?!? fecking brilliant!@Mister Hex: happy un-birthday!@Darkest: I know your sense of Bad. Just being unproductive and being unable to affect change. Pisser. *raises a glass*@flecky: Well you know that means if you can make it, anyone can. };> Anyway, keep at it good sir.@Rachael: Ack for the continuous bad luck, but then again such amazing shit finds you! Travel safe to Florida, have a fabulous time and good art-making! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349529#Comment_349529
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349529#Comment_349529Tue, 05 Mar 2013 00:16:21 -0600Argos
BOOO:

My sister has a weird relationship with the family. My whole life she's been a source of criticism for everyone. Never a genuine compliment, always "well, it's okay, but it'd be better if..."

"You'd be more popular if..."

"It'd look better if..."

And rules. Always rules that everyone but her has to follow.

And scapegoating. Everything that went wrong in the house was my fault, always. Oh, the such-and-such is lost? I lost it, except I didn't - her boyfriend had put it away so it wouldn't get lost. But I lost it. That inferiority complex I mentioned in the mental illness thread? A result of my relationship with her. And I can never defend myself against her because she starts steamrolling me with yelling and screaming, telling me what an entitled brat I am. I can never do anything right, it doesn't matter how I do it.

She emotionally abused me growing up. I honestly believed, growing up, that she didn't love me and would be happier if I died.

In any case, this past weekend emotions came to a head and she started crying and screaming about how mom & dad always emotionally abused her, and that I just never see it and I don't know about it because I'm spoiled. She's 11 years older than me so my parents have always been a little more lax with me about house rules than with her. I get that that sucks, I do, but why does she have to take that out on me? Why?

She claims my parents emotionally abused her, so that makes it okay for her to have emotionally abused me? Except according to her she's only ever been an angel to me. Even though I once locked myself in the bathroom bc I thought she was going to beat the shit out of me and my room didn't have a lock, which meant her barging in.

I just don't know what to do anymore. Our relationship is toxic. I acknowledge and appreciate that there've been times when she really helped me out, but usually she's emotionally abusive to me and impossible to deal with. She's really intrusive in other peoples' lives, and when she attempts to do something nice it's usually some huge imposition on you you have to accept, and if you don't and aren't super grateful then you're the rude one. For example, for the wedding she booked a hotel room for me and Edgar at the hotel she works at, never bothered to ask if we wanted one, and even after I told her Edgar HATES hotels, we now have to stay the night there. It would have been a really nice gift if we were into that, but instead Edgar is spending his wedding night in an environment he hates.

It's impossible to cut her off, but I just can't anymore.

I don't need this shit a week before my wedding. I don't need the person who caused me to cut myself for the first time to tell me I have it easy and don't know what emotional abuse is like just because she's upset my parents were more strict with her than they were with me.

I wish I could talk to her, I do, but I know if I try she'll start yelling and won't let me get a word in and will just say I'm a brat who doesn't get and am just not appreciating all the good she's ever done for me. Like the day she was crying, I just went to go give her a hug but she spent 10 minutes screaming at me instead. All I wanted to do was give her a hug.

Thanks for letting me vent. I always feel guilty when I hate on her, but it's been on my mind multiple nights now and and I really don't need this the week of my wedding. I just don't know what to do, and feel like there's nothing to do.

HUZZAH: Edgar's parents finally arrived safely from Poland after some hiccups and they're getting along splendidly with my parents. I am taking the time to appreciate our supportive relationship given my current thing with my sister.

cookies: @Raz: (hugs) I have the same motivational problem. I really don't know why some days I just have no drive. So many dreams and ideas, but then no action. @Rachael: fuck that lady who flipped you off. Feeling like an asshole for accepting is totally understandable, but if you really have no way of replacing the parts yourself and he's offering, might be best to accept. Sometimes you have to. (hugs) ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349584#Comment_349584
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349584#Comment_349584Tue, 05 Mar 2013 19:21:30 -0600sellmeyoursoul
Bonus! When it hits my bank account come Friday, imma pay off a loan in full. That means I'll be able to afford paying back the various members of my family who've lent me money.

Boo: So tired. Should be sleeping. Might be sleeping. Can people type in their sleep?

S'up brah:@Argos: You are not responsible for your sister's happiness. This is your damn wedding. You only get a couple of these in your life (*cough* says the divorced guy *cough*). @Flecky: If my maths are correct, today's the day you're out of rehab. Best of luck with whatever comes next.@AndToAllAGoodNight! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349585#Comment_349585
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349585#Comment_349585Tue, 05 Mar 2013 19:45:16 -0600sseloske-Vacation plans to go visit my parents across the country this summer are coming together beautifully. My kid is so excited that she may lay an egg.-The local theater has announced a showing of Suspiria soonish and my far away boyfriend is making a special trip to go with me.-Spring is lifting me out of a funk that has been...otherwordly levels of bleak. Seriously, I'm talking bone spires on the acid shores of rotting flesh hellishness. So long winter, you fucking nasty, eye-eating harpy.

The Bad!

-I have to pay the dentist soon.-Nooooo friiiiiiiends.-A million things I'd like to do, but no time to do any of them.-I still need to legally divorce, but it's something I dread so very, very much.

The Gorgeous!

@Whitechapel: Do you guys even know how amazing you are? Don't get smug. Okay, get a little smug. Whatever your personal struggles are (and I know they are many and varied... I have read them all), every single one have you has already won by virtue of being gobsmackingly, relentlessly rad. @Argos: Hang in there. My advice is not to get bullied into doing anything you don't want to on your wedding day. This seems like a very good time to put your foot down once and for all. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349586#Comment_349586
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349586#Comment_349586Tue, 05 Mar 2013 20:04:47 -0600trini_naenaeBut I learned how to cut off her influence, even when we were living in the same house. First off, I learned to be a cold hard bitch and say no. And stand by it. No matter what. Oh, and I said no to everything. At one point she even physically attacked me. Which is when my parents realized that I wasn't kidding about how crazy she was. If she tries to attack you, tell her you will call the police. (I did indeed tell my sister that. Her response was that she would call the police on me then. Granted, I have more self control, and she never tried to attack me again.) When she threw a fit, I ignored her. She threw lots of fits at the time. I ignored her existence very often. I didn't spend time with her unless I absolutely had to. Then, I didn't engage more than what was required for basic politeness. Any power she had over me, I took it away. She would say she was sorry and expect me to forgive her. When I explained that forgiving her was my choice and therefore couldn't just happen, she tried to pull the Christian must always forgive bullshit on me. I did not buy any of that. All of my Christian friends were appalled. Actually, that experience was one of the tipping points for me deciding that Christianity wasn't something I could do, even if I felt like it was something I was supposed to believe in.

Oh, and seriously, you don't have to do the hotel room thing. She didn't ask if that was something you wanted. In fact it was something you didn't want. Why make yourself miserable for someone who has no problems hurting you? You don't have to feel guilty about being hurt by the way she treats you and then venting about it. She's being seriously shitty. You can cut her out. It'll be hard, but it will make your life so much easier. She may be your sister, but you don't owe her anything. I hope things get seriously better, and you get a reprieve, at least for your wedding/honeymoon. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349588#Comment_349588
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349588#Comment_349588Tue, 05 Mar 2013 20:13:54 -0600Fishelle
Can't you just not go? I mean, I don't want to minimize what is obviously a seriously shitty situation, but if you just don't show up to the hotel, what could she even do about that? Just take your wedding night to do what you want with your husband. She's not going to be in the car with you as you drive away from the reception. Go where you and Edgar want to go. Don't worry if she throws a fit because she thinks you're being ungrateful or something. She'll live. Tell your mom about it or something, maybe, and get someone to back you up and have the argument for you so you can enjoy your special day. Possibly tell her that the argument can only happen after you've driven away. But don't start your honeymoon off being miserable because your sister wanted to be a bitch. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349620#Comment_349620
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349620#Comment_349620Wed, 06 Mar 2013 08:47:09 -0600fleckyThanks to the people who sent me mail when I came in - Britt, Roadscum, Nelzbub. Cheers for that.

BAD HOUSES -

I tried to get some extra funding for more time in rehab, but was given a knock-back this morning. It wasn't too crushing at the time, but I'm feeling it now. As much as it's been a severely fucked-up, love/hate thing, I'm really going to miss this place. I visited a "resettlement" house in Gloucester the other day, and I've decided to move in there tomorrow. It's basically a "dry house", which sounds to me like something from a fucking Victorian drama. It's pretty drab, but I guess I'll be able to spruce it up.

Gloucester is a bit of a shite-sink, rife with users and drunks, but the good thing is I don't know any of them. Fuck it - I've lived in crap places before, and being ok is just a state of mind. I would rather be with some down-to-earth people than, say, the Chelsea posh sect. I seriously hate them lot at times; buncha fucks!

So I've got to leave a council flat in London. I've lived in that city since '89, and I'm going to miss that bastard. But returning to Shepherd's Bush is just too dodgy for me. Apart from a few good folk, I've not got many good memories of that area. And long gone are the days of my Ladbroke Grove squat/raving/party shit.

KEROSENE -

As you may imagine, this is a massively turbulent time for me. But if I keep doing what I've been doing, I reckon I should be ok. I can also go and visit some mates in London in the future, so that's ok.

I'm now six-months-clean, so clap, ya bastids!!!

FISTS OF LOVE -

@sellmeyoursoul: Thanks for that. It's nice to know people are behind me.

@Argos: I wish you all the best with your wedding ahead.

@Rachael: I hope your busted lens is getting sorted.

I've got to split, see that's me done.

END TRANSMISSION... ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349621#Comment_349621
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349621#Comment_349621Wed, 06 Mar 2013 09:15:59 -0600Rachæl TyrellForgot?!? Pish. I just live in a bedroom the size of a closet with the hoarding tendencies of someone with much more space. I lose things.

SIX MONTHS! Go Flecky! WHOOO HOOOOO!!!!!!

That's just fab. Keep it going, my friend. Keep it going. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349626#Comment_349626
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349626#Comment_349626Wed, 06 Mar 2013 11:45:03 -0600tapheadThere are a whole helluvalot of total heroes on this forum. They all look up to Flecky. Ain't nobody killing the beast like you are, sir. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349633#Comment_349633
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349633#Comment_349633Wed, 06 Mar 2013 14:46:02 -0600Argos@Everyone else- thanks for the support, I kinda needed it. Sometimes I feel weird complaining about it because bits can sound so First World Problem - I mean who complains about having someone get them a night at a nice hotel??? But the way she does things, sometimes i just can't deal anymore. I could go on and on about this but I'll stop here for the sake of not getting caught in a negative-thought loop where I try to over-explain everything. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349634#Comment_349634
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349634#Comment_349634Wed, 06 Mar 2013 14:58:46 -0600PaprikaOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349647#Comment_349647
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349647#Comment_349647Wed, 06 Mar 2013 19:12:28 -0600sellmeyoursoul@flecky - No lie. Everyone here always says "that Rachael, she has the hoarding tendencies of someone who lives in one of them posh Chelsea closets. You know, the kind with all them shoes in?" but she lives in a room the size of a proper closet for working folks. Honestly, I'm amazed that she fits as much as she does. I'd mention pocket dimensions but I know a lady doesn't discuss her worm holes in public.

@ssseloske - The court part of the divorce sucks. But once it's done... the closure? BRILLIANT! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349663#Comment_349663
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349663#Comment_349663Thu, 07 Mar 2013 07:07:56 -0600fleckyI've arrived at what they call Third Stage in the rehab game - a clinically cold place with a small room and a shared lounge. After living in a rehab village with a structured programme, surrounded by people all the time, I am now staring down the barrel of reality. And the silence is quite deafening.

This shit won't kill me; it may make me stronger, though.

I'll put the address up soon. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349728#Comment_349728
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349728#Comment_349728Fri, 08 Mar 2013 05:57:55 -0600mister hexIt's been said before but I'll say it again. Ya got friends, here, mate. GOOD FRIENDS, who care about ya, even though we ain't never met and probably never might. Nevermind that.

You're already strong. And you'll only get stronger.

If it gets too quiet, remember this.

Yeah.

]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349756#Comment_349756
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349756#Comment_349756Fri, 08 Mar 2013 21:11:53 -0600Warped SavantThe next few days might be a little hard around here. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349768#Comment_349768
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349768#Comment_349768Sat, 09 Mar 2013 05:20:14 -0600roadscumGood luck Mr Flecky, and the the rest of you too. Now, I must be off, there's a lorry to be moved and I can't see what I'm typing on this sodding phone. More later perhaps. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349830#Comment_349830
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349830#Comment_349830Mon, 11 Mar 2013 09:45:26 -0500flecky@roadscum: Ta matey. At this point in the space-time continuum I'm not too sure what I'm doing with my flat etc. in London, but I will let you know as the gears of time grind on. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349912#Comment_349912
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349912#Comment_349912Wed, 13 Mar 2013 12:15:58 -0500dnewlingThe Hurrah: apart from the water shortage life's pretty good!

Message: can't think of anything except Happy Upcoming Easter! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349945#Comment_349945
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349945#Comment_349945Thu, 14 Mar 2013 08:29:59 -0500RootfireemberHuzzah:I called the crisis line and the cops. And they helped me and didn't hurt me or send me away. They took HIM away, and want to make sure I'm safe. I think mom wants to make it part of his bail that he can't be near me. I wasn't physically hurt but was very much shaken.

Others:I dont know what to say. Hugs to all. Sorry you guys were scared last night. It WAS scary, and seemed to take forever for the cops to come. Flecky- I'm glad of your progress in rehab and everything. It's inspiring, and I think you're brave to do that and to try that new housing thing.(New places terrify me).

Rach-Glad you've got more fancy expert doctors looking after you now and taking you serriously. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349947#Comment_349947
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349947#Comment_349947Thu, 14 Mar 2013 09:13:29 -0500ArgosOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349961#Comment_349961
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349961#Comment_349961Thu, 14 Mar 2013 10:29:34 -0500Bombus HortorusOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349965#Comment_349965
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=349965#Comment_349965Thu, 14 Mar 2013 11:10:27 -0500Rachæl Tyrell(When I was a teenager, during a fight with family, my bully stepfather pulled back his fist and told me he was going to "punch my fucking teeth in" at which point my mother leapt on his back to stop him. Ten minutes later, when I'd escaped to my bedroom and was shaking and crying on my bed, my mother came in and blamed me, denying that my stepfather had done such a thing.)

That the cops came by and took him away even after no physical contact had been made is really stellar and awesome. Perhaps in the time it takes for him to come back you could install some small and cheap surveillance equipment so that if anything happens again in the future you can have proof of it. Proof plus previous offenses might keep him out of your life for even longer.

When it comes to counterbalancing some utterly shitty times, 2013 is starting to overdo it a bit - and I'm loving every second! Just back from Israel/Eilat from a school trip, where we were diving the reefs, gathering data and doing measurements on them, writing a report and prepping a paper (looks like I got zero publications when I was an university researcher, but I'll get two co-authorships now in what's essentially a trade school - go figure). On one day a whale shark swam right above us - a 7-8 meter long massive animal, something people try to see for 12 years without success. In the same evening we had a night dive, playing with bioluminescent plankton, all of our handwaves and fin kicks leaving a trail of pale green sparks. That evening we crashed a whiskey brand party with an open bar. All in all it was a good day.

Looks like I'll also be getting some actual, real, paying employment as a research diver in Finland, I'm doing my best to get a gig training research divers in the future, PLUS there's an uncertain but very promising and fascinating chance to actually work on corals abroad. Nothing is certain, but things look scarily good.

Things go pretty damn nicely with the Adventure Girl also. We've done climbing, bouldering, swimming, free diving, geocaching and doing all sorts of fun things together. The company pays for a certain amount of sports activities and I have some leftover swimming pool passes from last year, so even though I can't live large in general, I can do sporty stuff. The summer is drawing near, which opens up even more fun activities that don't cost a whole lot.

/o\

Money. Still. I'm on my last pair of presentable jeans, my only shoes are army boots, my jacket is fixed with safety pins, and so forth. Doing my best to save money for the school bills and the loan instalments - one of which I had fumbled in the insane weeks of December, crashing this month's budget and making me delve into friends' pockets again, digging the hole a little bit deeper. Light in the end of the tunnel in June, unless I get kicked out of this job during my probationary period.

Speaking of shoes, and not having proper ones, my heel and my knee are killing me. The first thing I'll buy when I get my finances non wonky are proper sports shoes and ergonomic work sandals.

o/

@Roo: Oh fuck, so sorry you had to go through something like that. It's good that you have backing from your mom and the authorities on this.

@flecky: Go go go man! That's a mighty damn great thing you're doing! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350055#Comment_350055
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350055#Comment_350055Sat, 16 Mar 2013 00:13:52 -0500mister hex
@flecky - ya never know. Sounds like you've got a plan. Tell me more about this "god" and describe the nubile attendants IN DETAIL. I would like to subscribe to your newsletter. @vorn - I got one pair of boots, too. One pair of sneakers that need replacing. I can't even afford a haircut. If they look at your shoes, you're not funny.

AH, JEEZ, SAID MOE THE BARTENDER

So Mah LadyFrien' had a little girls night with some old friends from High School. Great, a night off for me, time to catch up on my drinking, reading and sleeping. (Finished a case of beer and Kadrey's first SANDMAN SLIM novel, went to bed early). WOKE UP (more like "was woken up by thoughts running around my head like a motorcycle in a velodrome with a fully grown lion in the sidecar") by .... SOMETHING. Find a message from Mah Lady-Frien'. And a buncha pictures of her and her pals. I trust her and all but parta my thing is I don't trust ANYBODY. And why is *NAME REDACTED* drinking beer in your house after midnight? He's an alright guy, I remember him but .... I dunno. Just feel outta my league. I'm not angry, I'm not ANYTHING, I just .... I dunno. Feel outta my league. I haven't Done This in a LOOONG time and I have Rarely Done It WELL. As in "successfully". (Just got a message from her again. A sweet one but WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?! I knew I should have installed surveillance cameras in her house. My sleep-deprived mind imagines that I was the Source of Much Merriment when, in fact, I wasn't even mentioned in despatches. Bugger it. GIRL TROUBLES, what a fucking cosmic joke.)

Fighting with my dad. Like my mom used to. I told him something she told me privately, while she was still alive. She obviously told him the Same Thing, while she was alive. She's dead now, four months. And seven days, at this writing. It deflated him a bit. He doesn't like it when we fight and neither do I. No one does. But we do. He'd fight over whether the sun'll come up in the morning. I feel like I'm on trial and my chances are either SWEET FREEDOM! (BUT INCREDIBLE PAIN!) or PRISON FOREVER (AND WHY THE HELL NOT?). Then again, I will use whatever mental weapon comes to hand, in any situation because when you're in prison WHY THE HELL NOT.

Work. Good God. My boss is an idiot of the highest water. All of them. Illiterate to a fault and dumber than a bag of hammers. I don't even bother to conceal my contempt anymore, if I ever even did. Which I didn't.

CHEER UP, HOMER! IT AIN'T SO BAD!

Writin' like a fuckin' FREIGHT TRAIN. Heh heh heh. REFINING and SHARPENING. I've come up with sentences that go through six inches of plate steel. Soon, there will be nowhere you can hide from me.

MY VOICE is loud and carries a great distance. I have to start employing some of the whores who call themselves my "friends" to GET ME somewhere. MY REAL FRIENDS, of course, will help me in any way they can.

Wherever I end up, I can pretty much guarantee it won't be pretty. IT'LL BE GORGEOUS.

Stay Awesome, Whitechapel. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350061#Comment_350061
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350061#Comment_350061Sat, 16 Mar 2013 02:49:36 -0500Kay OrchisonMarrickville Open Studio trail this weekend past. NFI how Gab got us signed up to it, we're on the wrong side of the river, but Jesus, was that successful. I had 120 people through my studio over 2 days and sold every last one of the 20 works I had on the wall on day 1. I could have sold maybe half as many again on day 2 but I was out of ink. Blown away, and halfway to a new motor for the bus. Got a load of new contacts for my solo in June and some more gigs between then and now.

Nope:

I wish I was somebody else. My life is as near to perfect as any life gets. I am a husband, a father and a professional artist. I have nearly enough money to live on most of the time. When I have a show, people buy my work. My wife loves me and we're still in lust after 15 years together. My kids are bright and although they're argumentative in the extreme they're all good people who I respect. So why do I lose it with them? Why do I wish I was drinking or on drugs when I've buried all the friends who didn't give up with or before me, and when I'm saner and more stable than I ever was when I was using? How come, basically, I'm not happy most of the goddamn time? Why do I stand outside in the scent of roses on a clear autumn day and wonder how I'll make it to sundown? This is the life I ordered, sans about $50k per annum. I'm pretty sure that the money isn't the difference between this and happy. I have no excuse. I'm bloody wired wrong.

Yo:

@Flecky: I fucking love you, man. Keep running. One day I will find you and buy you as much beer as you can hold, assuming you're not the ascended fucking Buddha by then.

@Hex: You too are awesome. I would buy your words for actual dollars. Keep making them. Also: isn't Kadrey the business? I just finished the series, less the forthcoming one in July. Good fun. Furthermore: be not afraid. The worst that can happen is that your life will change. It's better, in my scorched and smouldering experience, to trust and be burnt than to fail to trust and maybe throw away the one chance you'll ever have.

@Roo: Run like fucking hell. Seriously, get the hell out of there. Wanker hasn't got the sense to keep his hands in his pockets, be somewhere he can't reach you. Don't ever think there are no options. Look for options. Be not afraid, but run. Don't wait. You don't need to plan more than a few weeks in advance if you have your eyes open for opportunities. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350085#Comment_350085
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350085#Comment_350085Sat, 16 Mar 2013 13:18:03 -0500Bombus HortorusFirst we take Manhattan

Seem to be losing weight quite steadily, couple of people have commented, which is great. Took my two older girls to a science discovery centre a couple of weeks ago, and one of them has come back wanting to be a scientist, which is massively awesome and exactly why I wanted to take them, just have to try and keep her interested. Getting on with partner despite a few bumps a couple of weeks back when I felt everything was falling apart.

Dress Rehearsal RagPartner's father is pretty ill, nothing new but he's in and out of hospital now and each time he gets weaker. At least she's got to spend some time with him over the last 15 months since they've been back in the country. But he's not been a happy man for a long time, serves as a stark warning for me about bad choices, denial and wasted opportunities. His favourite dog died a couple of weeks back and it feels like he's given up too. Her mother has to cope with him, and I feel very sorry for her. Have mixed feelings about the guy, think he's got a lot to answer for, but he's her father and the grandfather of my daughters and it's a bit of a difficult time.

I'm pretty run down as well, been fighting a cold off and just feel pretty drained altogether. Baby's not been that well, so has been screaming a lot, and my four year old is pretty challenging right now too...

Work... just mental, feeling very shaky about it, given resources and my general energy and wellbeing right now. Started getting panics and 3am cortisol rushes, which I've managed to knock off, but don't like getting like that.

Sisters of Mercy@flecky, keep on keeping on. That's a nice part of the country you're holed up in, I was born there, dammit@kay - 'I'm just wired wrong' - yeah, know that one. And I don't understand it either. @vornaskotti - your adventures are incredible; hope the awesome continues@HEX - the only people who never feel out of their league are lying or stupid. She might do too... ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350087#Comment_350087
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350087#Comment_350087Sat, 16 Mar 2013 13:57:33 -0500sneak046I am both worried that she'll do herself some serious harm, and mad-as-hell at her for making me worry so much. I am also feeling guilty for feeling angry at her for it, but I can't help myself for thinking how selfish it is of her to do this and not consider the consequences. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350089#Comment_350089
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350089#Comment_350089Sat, 16 Mar 2013 14:01:01 -0500textureOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350092#Comment_350092
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350092#Comment_350092Sat, 16 Mar 2013 14:23:19 -0500Bombus HortorusOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350093#Comment_350093
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350093#Comment_350093Sat, 16 Mar 2013 14:27:45 -0500sneak046OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350105#Comment_350105
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350105#Comment_350105Sat, 16 Mar 2013 18:57:06 -0500RootfireemberBad: I worry how my mom is handling this. Her birthdays soon, and I can't think of anything to cheer her up (beyond a phonecall from Liam Neeson which probably won't happen). I really don't know what to do.

Flecky- stay strongVorn- good to read a happy update.

Thanks everyone for the good thoughts and support. Just want to repeat that I was not hurt and I'm still alive.

-sneak-Is she in therapy? I'd highly suggest DBT therapy to help deal with self-harm urges, or using pills as a way to escape from big scary things. Im not a doctor, or anything like that, but it's been helping me a lot, and giving me ideas of how to cope instead of jumping toward a doomy thing. If you'd like to talk, email me at gmail. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350113#Comment_350113
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350113#Comment_350113Sun, 17 Mar 2013 06:50:23 -0500Warped Savant
I can't imagine what I would do to support someone going through something like that... ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350144#Comment_350144
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350144#Comment_350144Sun, 17 Mar 2013 18:04:23 -0500allana
I love my life. I'm gearing up for finals and I love my schoolwork. I'm about to get super-sassy on a critical assignment and show my inconsistent-feedback-professor what-for. Also I love editing and I get to do it all the time. It's the absolute best. I recently took a stand and reduced my hours at my regular job (long story) so I've now got the physical and mental energy (and the economic incentive) to pick up extra freelance editing work. I've also got multiple for-fun writing and editing projects on the go. As much as I dig (and want to be employed in) technology and media, I live for words. Related: job interview tomorrow for a web-scripting position. It doesn't sound like it needs a lot of experience, and it's the first hit on my newly-redesigned and super-snazzy resume, which makes me feel warm and fuzzy. Also applying for a million other things, including TA-ing some undergrad music courses next year that I'm totally qualified for (even if they explicitly state a hundred times that they want Music grad students. Fuck those guys). (ETA: The guy basically had me come in to the office so he could offer me the job sight unseen. So that was cool. I guess I have a third job now.)

Hoarse:Group work! I'm in need of reining myself in from this point on, in terms of my "upfront and honest" ways. I am a good enough editor that I should know how to be polite to people when I'm pointing out their faults -- I don't know why I can't harness this power when it comes to work I'm also liable for.

Also my waistline is expanding. I'm overcome with the need to eat decadently when there are people around (especially when you live with a baker and compulsive snacker/candy-eater). I'm a veritable connoisseur of diners and grease-slingers, and that's great, but I've kind of been forgetting how much better stuff gets when you moderate your exposure to it. Also exercise. Is a thing you don't get when you're a grad student and a desk-worker. I bike a lot, and the weather's about to get a lot nicer, but I need to incorporate something more into my week.

Apartment-hunting is always balls. Nuff said.

Public Address:enh, you guys are all great and you don't need me to tell you that. (Hex, you should probably fix your thinking: the reason why this girl feels like one-in-a-million is that she IS -- it takes someone truly impressive to be able to keep up with you, and you know it. I bet if you said something about it, she'd probably say she felt out of her league with you. Just sayin', is all.) ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350237#Comment_350237
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350237#Comment_350237Wed, 20 Mar 2013 07:10:08 -0500FauxhammerGood.

Down to 225 lb from 275 this time last year. The mass on my dad's liver is benign. Started therapy, and tomorrow We Start Digging. Collaborating on a short comic project with a homey, and work on the novel is going apace. Got a bad leather jacket for $40 at a thrift shop in Chapel Hill.

Bad.

Not a lot, actually. General malaise and depression, though mitigated by the medicine, still sneaks up on me from time to time. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350245#Comment_350245
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350245#Comment_350245Wed, 20 Mar 2013 11:51:38 -0500oldhatNo time to myself for the past couple of weeks. Working too late and then getting home where the parents either constantly inquire about everything I do (really, I could go in to the kitchen and be asked what I'm doing) or I get barked at by my dad, who seems to be on an angry controlling streak. This week is a big week for music events and since it's part of my job, I'm going in crowded places and more or less being "on" all the time. And then I go home with enough time to just take my clothes off before passing out. And then I start the whole thing over again. Fucking whee.

Going to call a crisis line in a bit. Last night my head was in a pretty rotten space and I identified with a scene in Lethal Weapon to a scary degree. Still can't get counselling, but the crisis lines have been helping when things get a little too unbearable. Watching Xena helped last night too.

It was St. Patrick's Day 2009 when I attended and spoke at my little brother's funeral. So, yeah. THAT.

Weight's not moving a damn pound.

GOOD.

Family is going to the cottage and giving me Easter weekend to myself, which will give me a long weekend to spend in bed or do whatever the hell I want.

I'm back to running, which is good. I ran a full 5km for the first time in my life a few weeks ago. Glad I can take a 15-30 minute break from work to go do that.

I did a photoshoot on Sunday, which was both fun and money-bringing.

I dunno...saw Wreck-It Ralph and enjoyed it?

I applied for a bartender position at a beer hall that's being built and even though I don't think I'll get it, I'm hoping I do.

HUZAAH.

@Faux, 50lbs in a year! AWESOME! Congrats!@Roo, Very glad that you're safe.@Sneak, jeez. I really hope things get better and that she finds a better way to deal with things. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350248#Comment_350248
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350248#Comment_350248Wed, 20 Mar 2013 13:30:30 -0500Rachæl TyrellI spent last week in Tampa, a paid for visit so that I might photograph and help guard a performance artist. It was a lovely experience. My fellow did all sorts of crazy things to make sure I got a new lens in time for my trip, which was definitely a life saver.

BAD:

I woke from a dream in which I was being pressured to have contact with my mother, where I had to tear myself from step-family's grasp and my mother's pleading cries. Upon waking I felt the pain that is sleeping on an inflatible mattress on a cold tile floor with a fucked up spine and chronic body awfulness. I reached for my laptop to receive an email from my father, turning me down for my hope to be a paying tenant at his (three floor, eight bedroom) beach house. In this same email, my father also informed me that he'd heard from my mother, who called him in the hopes of getting him to talk me into speaking to her.

This is all before I even got out of bed.

Then I got out of bed, stepped on my speaker wire and did something to magically make one of my speakers not work. I saw the mail on the kitchen table and received another of those never ending collections notices for the thousands of dollars in old medical bills, and some new ones for a bit less. I took my new medication (the one that's supposed to indicate if I've got this rare thymus disorder or not) with a full glass of milk to keep from the hours of nausea that it induces, which only slightly worked. I ended up spending hours being slightly nauseated, but with my chest cold of phlegm fully reactivated. I need to take this medication three times a day. It is perpetual sour stomach.

CAUTIOUSLY GOOD?:

And then, late last night, taking off my eyepatch, I noticed that my 15 years of being cross-eyed (even after the eye muscle surgery ten years ago) seems instead to be .... slightly wall-eyed. This.... this is very likely a positive sign from the Mestinon I've been taking. If it IS, then....

then I might have a fucking diagnosis.

a fucking diagnosis that might have effective treatment.

The effective treatment might be a thymectomy, which is a BADASS scar.

(but they usually do it all endoscopic like these days)

I've had false hope before, but... this is almost kinda concrete. Tomorrow i go in for a few hours of more FANCY tests.

THE OTHERS:

Roo - Thank goodness things seem to have calmed.

Vorn - Dude, being on the whole "after rent and utilities I have $150 to live on each month and I still keep getting bills I have to ignore" lifestyle myself, I can definitely relate. But hurrah! Hooray for doing stuff anyway and having fun that's FREE and with people that you can enjoy it with and EGAD you are having an interesting life! AWESOME!

JP - I hope your partner's father does well, and good on you for losing weight! That's a good sign! Shake the gloomies off! Booyah! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350255#Comment_350255
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350255#Comment_350255Wed, 20 Mar 2013 15:11:13 -0500sneak046

The good

After a day in the emergency dept my gf got given the all-clear physically, and she seems a lot brighter now too. We've been advised to speak to the Patient Liaison Service about her current care requirements.

Le mal.

Tiredness, far too much work, a hangover from the weekend's misadventures has left me feeling like a bit of a zombie. Also, and this is a minor complaint, but this feels like a winter without end. I *really* need to feel the warmth of the sun. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350281#Comment_350281
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350281#Comment_350281Thu, 21 Mar 2013 05:04:38 -0500hank
Steps to move to be closer to my son are moving forward, I have an awesome end of May adventure planned on the Motorcycle, I have found someone who may be a goodfantastic companion for the next handful of decades. (If I don't screw it up somehow.) (cue Ernie K Doe..)

The Bad:My job is lurching toward untenable as my boss put me in charge of a project and workflow for that project, but refuses to stay out of production. It's become an integrity issue with his constant lack of presence except to interfere and make delays, making our department look like a bunch of fuck ups. He's lost my respect and while I can work for people I don't like I can't work for people I don't respect.

The Shouts.@roo I hope you find a safe space, where you can concentrate on becoming who you need to be. I spent my high school years dealing with a bully step father and it did a number on me, and I still have the scars (physical and emotional) after thirty years. Fixing it sooner than later will only pay off down the road.

@oldhat call the line, the fact that you feel like you need to means you should get on it now before you convince yourself you don't. I like having your input in the mass of stuff that comes through my life daily, it frequently makes me pause and think.

@whitechapel Uncle Warren seems to attract good folks and you all make it worthwhile to be here. Thank you. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350328#Comment_350328
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350328#Comment_350328Fri, 22 Mar 2013 13:06:42 -0500oldhatLast night I ran in to my ex, a guy who cheated on me for all but four months of our nearly two year relationship. The initial betrayal, mixed with our mutual friends knowing about it and keeping quiet, led to something of a complete breakdown and left me with some pretty severe trust issues that I still struggle with.

Now...I hadn't communicated with him in about two years, and not seen him for about four. In that time you can imagine that I had prepared some pretty nasty things to say and do to him if I ever did run in to him at some point. While I have been able to move on from it, I still get angry when I think about how anyone could willingly hurt someone they claim to love.

But when I ran in to him I approached him and said hi. I was pleasant. We briefly caught up and awkwardly said goodbye and parted and that...was it. The one-liners, the hot coffee on the lap, the shit I wanted to say...I didn't. All forgotten. And I left him strong and didn't look back. Though when I was out of sight I ducked in to an alley and shook like a leaf and cried for a bit too.

And then something pretty awesome happened. I quickly began to get over it. I was walking to an industry party and since it was an hour long walk I managed to compose myself and have a good think about myself, and how much I've changed, grown and...well just thought about how awesome my life is now and how thankful I am to have people who would take a bullet for me just because I'm well...me. By the time I got to the party (with an open bar) I felt better. I've changed a lot in that time and learned a lot. And that means something. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350329#Comment_350329
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350329#Comment_350329Fri, 22 Mar 2013 13:22:01 -0500Bombus Hortorus
That's awesome. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350334#Comment_350334
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350334#Comment_350334Fri, 22 Mar 2013 15:10:57 -0500sneak046
]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (January 2013)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350365#Comment_350365
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10956&Focus=350365#Comment_350365Sat, 23 Mar 2013 03:35:17 -0500VornaskottiBitterness fucking eats you from inside out. I feel I came to adulthood seething of bitterness about this and that, and it's taken half a lifetime for me to get rid of it.

The thing is, bitterness is a big problem for smart people. They weigh, ponder and have this nagging feeling that the scales should be somehow balanced.

Myopia. The best revenge on anything is leading a good life. And dear ma'am, what I know of you, you're doing just that :) ]]>