By Nury Vittachi

Wednesday, 14 November 2012

Earth for sale on auction site

Oh you gotta love those wacky Japanese people!

A MAN PUT the planet Earth up for sale on a Japanese internet auction site last week. The seller listed the Earth as “used” and warned that there was a “no-return” policy. Buy it and you’re stuck with it.

On the information page, he explained that God had appeared to him in a dream and told him to sell the place. People being people, many took it seriously, reports Rocketnews24, a Japanese news website.

A questioner from Saitama asked:

Q: “I love cigars. Is it possible to sell off just Cuba as a special package item?”

A: “Thank you for your question! After placing the winning bid, I think Havana can be moved to Saitama, Japan.”

Q: “Hello. This is a really interesting item! If I buy the Earth will I become a god?”

A: “Thank you for your question! This item can’t make you a god.”

One questioner, apparently from a different galaxy, asked whether the Earth could be delivered to his home planet.

Q: “Is it possible to ship this via Altair? Thank you for your time.”

A: “Thank you for your question! Because it would take 17 light years just for the bank transaction to complete, I think you should forget shipping.”

(Notice that everyone is polite in Japan, even wackos.)

At the time of writing, the price for planet Earth has soared from 69 cents to US$2,700.

In real estate terms, it may sound cheap, but think of the maintenance, etc. Do you really want all that responsibility?

***

***

IN OTHER NEWS…

LOVE THIS QUOTE from US funnyman Jimmy Kimmel last week about the cancelled New York marathon:

“I don't even know why they bother running the marathon. We know what's going to happen. Why not just find a random Kenyan, put a medal around his neck, and save everyone the trouble?”

***

***

TWO HUNDRED yetis live in the unexplored regions of the world, Russian professor Valentin Sapunov said last week, but are rarely seen because the lumbering, hair-covered monsters are highly unsociable. Has he got “yetis” mixed up with “teenagers”, I wonder?

***

***

A LIVE SHARK fell out of the sky onto a golf course in southern California on October 22. A fish expert said it had wounds around its fin, suggesting that it had been snatched from the sea, lifted into the sky, then accidentally dropped. Officials are looking for a very strong falcon or a disappointed-looking Chinese tycoon.

***

***

IN THE WAKE of all the natural disasters recently, I’d like to remind anyone making disaster readiness plans about an incident in Gujarat, an Indian province hit by a big quake in 2001. Holy men said it was caused by immoral TV shows, and 24 TVs were ceremonially burned in the city of Ahmadabad as “toys of the devil”. There have been no major quakes since.

The single most important thing to do during a disaster is to keep calm, experts say. Case in point: Anyone remember the small earthquake in Nantou, Taiwan, a few years ago? The only victim was a student who dislocated his jaw by screaming too loud.

***

***

HOW PEOPLE today think: “Several times a day, I take a break from Facebook and I check my job.”