A Guide to Screen-Layering in the New Screen-Profuse Environment

Step 1. Make a full inventory of your screens. Your screens likely include: the screen of your laptop computer; the larger screen of your desktop computer; the screen of your cell phone; and the screen of your flat-screen TV. Perhaps also you have a watch that features a screen, but include this screen only if it is a particularly intricate screen, like if it shows movies or helps you keep track of your Affenhuahua’s standing heart rate.

Step 2. Now that your screens have been inventoried, we can go about properly layering them. What’s that? You’ve bought a new screen? What did you buy? An e-reader? Cool. That is one of the latest screens. And the e-reader is from where you are currently receiving this content? Extra cool. We will now have to include the e-reader in that previous inventoried list of screens.

Step 3. Order your screens from the smallest to the biggest. Obviously, the screen on your watch is the smallest screen, so keep that screen closest to you. I advise that you wear the watch on your wrist, or perhaps hang it from the bill of a cap. The next largest screen is the screen on your cell phone. Always keep this cell phone in your right hand, or alternately, you can hang it from the bill of your cap, but in such a way that it is not blocking the screen on your watch. Same goes for your new e-reader.

Step 4. Say what? You just bought a new, smaller and lighter laptop. It’s so light, you attest, you can toss it up and down in the air, receiving content from it the entire time? Awesome. So, looks like you have another addition to your screen inventory. Congratulations, you are very committed to the new environment.

Step 5. For maximum content enjoyment, arrange the smaller laptop in front of the larger laptop and then arrange yourself on a seat in front of these two computers and with your cell phone and e-reader hanging from the bill of your cap. You are receiving mucho content, friend. Also, don’t forget about your watch. Right now there is a particularly funny video playing on it. The video is of a chubby kid screaming. It is hilarious.

Step 6. Sorry, I forgot about your desktop computer. Arrange your two laptop computers in front of your desktop computer. You may want to prop the desktop computer’s screen on top of something. Do you have a book? That might do the trick. With the large screen of the desktop computer propped up behind the large laptop and then the smaller laptop, plus the screens of your watch, cell phone, and e-reader, you are now receiving content from six screens. This is maximum-type pleasure—you are really on top of it, screen-wise.

Step 7. Your flat-screen TV. Drag the desk with the desktop computer and the two laptops (smaller and larger) and place it in the foreground of the flat-screen TV. While sitting on the couch, you might wish to have the two laptops on either of your knees, but don’t put yourself so far away from the desktop computer’s screen that it cannot easily be accessed. Oh, but the phone rings. Don’t panic, just answer it—remember, it’s hanging from your hat. But, while answering the phone, make sure to keep an eye on the your e-reader, which also has content—a uploaded streaming copy of Dostoevsky’s Notes from Underground: A Guide Towards Surviving the Next Zombie Arrival.

Step 8. Your wife comes home from running errands. She chats at you about some everyday business, and blocks some content from not only the screen of the TV, but also the screen of the desktop computer, which has your Facebook page open, begging you for a status update. This is distressing. Evaluate your wife. Is she a content-providing screen? No, she is only a content-obstructing screen. Apply her with a kiss and then politely ask her to leave the environment.

Step 9. With your non-screen wife removed from the screen-infused environment, you are now free to enjoy all your screens, which number seven in total! Or eight, I’m sorry. Wait, nine? Wow, what else did you buy? A portable music device that acts like an importable music device? Nice. I’m sure we can find a hat for that.