Thanks for making me clean up after you. Please remove me from your mailing list.

Sincerely, Everyone who's ever had to clean glitter off every object in the house that happened to come in contact with your ridiculous gaudy card, then wash their hands because glitter sticks to everything, but then still had glitter on their face all day because that stuff gets everywhere and it makes you look stupid, like some jerk who puts glitter on their face in the hopes of attracting attention, like a bizarre mating ritual where mating will surely not happen. #lifestyle