This is a place where I share myself. My thoughts on life and the wacky things that float around in my brain. I hope you find it interesting.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Back to it!

I so incredilbly did not want to get out of bed this morning.

I'm all done moving! I gave my keys to the landlord yesterday, he gave me a hug and said to come visit. I doubt I will, no need to seek out his wife when all I want to do is slug her. He's a nice man. I realized that I will miss the neighbor kids a lot. Poor Tyler sees me moving stuff and then goes and hides. I think his 7 year old brain really hoped that I would stay, and then maybe marry his dad and be his new mom. Meanwhile, his Uncle came over yesterday and expressed sadness that I was leaving because "we don't get a lot of young girls on this street and now there won't be any eye candy" eew. it's disconcerting to know he's been looking at me like candy this last year.

The electric company has pissed me off again. apparently they have forgotten that I am not responsible for my father's debts. I have to call them today and remind them that we settled this issue less than a year ago.

T gave me an encyclopedia of 5000 spells. I love it. it made my gift of Nanaimo bars look really lame. He said they are good. I knew I should have splurged on the carving tools or book or one of the million and and half other things I saw for him that were not in my budget. He even included a card. it thanked me for everything and for being me. I'm not sure what I have done to deserve his thanks. Last time someone thanked me for being me, it was accompanied by two dozen red roses and was the start of a two year "thing". The book will last far longer than the roses, and I have little hope that the card meant more than what it said. Such is my sorrow.

Actually, yesterday was tough and I had to put myself to bed twice to sleep off my meloncholy. I hated seeing T go yesterday, but it has been a long time since spending time with him plunged me into such a funk. Part of it is because I have not been eating. my sickness has robbed me of appatite, which seems to make me depressed. I have to wonder if the other part of it has to do with the moon phase or something. The tempatation to use my new book to cleanse him from my heart or bring him back to me is strong. I know what I want right now, but I don't believe in affecting other people's Will, and I don't want to cut the ties that bind if there is still hope. Confusion. I hate a stalemate.

sensei: I don't sit at home because I am waiting for mr right to knock, I sit at home because it's what I want to do. I love life, I just think that life is worth sharing. since I have never fully shared in my life, I think it would be nice to find someone to share it with. It's a biological fact to want a mate, I can't help it. But don't ever think I am allowing myself to miss out for lack of a partner.