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Saturday, December 31, 2011

"Remember how far you've come, not just how far you have to go. You are not where you want to be, but neither are you where you used to be."

Though the start of 2011 has been a rough one for me, I'm glad that I chose to embrace this rollercoaster of a year. Now, everything's brighter and more colorful! Because of Him, everything found its meaning and purpose. And with all the wonderful people in my life, I can say for sure that everything was worthwhile.

~~

The year 2011 brought so much change in all aspects of my life, literally. I know I've always been the idealistic nut from the beginning but given the obstacles I had to overcome during the first half of the year, I can't help but wonder how the heck I've gone through it all. Yes, I was scathed at first but I came through it much stronger, wiser and with a renewed zest for life. I even remember the very first quote I wrote on my journal on the 1st of January:

"Another chance to make things right."

And I did. I started to live the lessons I've previously learned so that I could breathe more life to my routine. I surrounded myself with people who can keep my sanity and held on to ties that are made stronger by time.

With that, my year became a burst of colors. Like a wonderful painting that'll always be etched in my memory.

Now, let's do a quick recap of the year that was:

This year, I've had so many "firsts" - A gay night-out (literally) in Bed Malate with colleagues Meeko, Julie and Carla. Party night at Amber Ultra Lounge with high school classmates Khae and Hazel and some CVG officemates. Various movie dates with Fjordz including Cinemalaya 7 and Deep Gold Red Carpet Premiere at Newport Cinemas, and also events such as the 2nd Blogger's Festival and IMMAP Open Mic Night. Team building sessions with the Warlocks at Antipolo and Redbox Greenbelt. An out of town escapade to Quezon Province with Fjordz for his college friend's wedding. Watched (and cried over)Noli Me Tangere: The Musical at CCP with Julie. Witnessed Haeja's first ever stage performance on I Testify at PhilAm Life Auditorium. My official 3K run for the Sunpiology Sunset Run with Fjordz. And definitely so much more - I'm actually relying on my journal to remember all the things I did for the year, but most of them are either lunch-outs, dinners, videoke nights and etc with different people. It just makes me smile whenever I read them because most of them were unplanned and yet they play a part in making my 2011 memories unforgettable!

Also, I've had my fair-share of struggles career-wise. My regularization was initially extended due to some mishap I did on a project that costed me 2 more months on probation period, but luckily I was able to realign my work goals and was able to get regularized I think around June. Plus, I'm extremely thankful for having awesome teammates! When things go dull or stressful or whatever, they're always there to make things bright and sunny!

Then there's me juggling two-part time jobs, the other being an ESL teacher for a Japanese school which plays to my advantage because I love teaching. But since the restless kid in me still lingers, I almost let my work slip and even tried out for a job at a real estate company. It was just a relief that I was kind ofenlightened and ended up not pushing through with the final interview - even though for sure the job was in the bag for me. I realized that it wasn't about the money. Sure, there's a whole lot of money in real estate but the question that nagged me over and over was "Will I be happy?"

When it comes to love life... what love life? NEXT TOPIC!

... kidding!

But seriously, I'll be real honest in saying that it has been years since I felt "that funny feeling I can't explain". I have no idea how it started, who started it, how things came about and so on, yet I'm glad that I gave love a chance. Maybe it's true that, "Love happens. It is a miracle that happens by grace."

So far, I can say that I love how this year unfolded itself to me. And I thank God endlessly for letting me experience the lowest of lows and highest of highs in both my emotional and spiritual conquest.

With that, I slowly bit adieu to 2011 and say hello to the infinite possibilities that lie ahead!

Thursday, December 29, 2011

After 39 years of marriage, I still don't know how they keep things going. Maybe this holds true for my "parentals":

"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads,

hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together

through the years."

~Simone Signoret

I've seen them work through the ups and downs just like any married couple. Though no relationship's ever perfect, still they strive to do their best at it. And I couldn't be more grateful for the loving care and attention (excessive, at most) at they've given me and my brother since we were born.

I LOVE YOU MOM & DAD!

~~

PS. Mom, you owe me for this post........................... kidding! :p

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Honestly, I don't like celebrating my birthday. As far as I can remember, I always get this funny/morbid feeling whenever it's my turn to celebrate this special day. Though I'm glad that me and my brother don't share the same birth date, though we were supposed to (long story, trust me).

But fact is, I couldn't shake off my system the "negatives vibes" that surround this day. To me, it's like a bad omen, a disaster waiting to unfold, a curse. Maybe it's a "Capricorn" thing. I don't know for sure, but one of my friends share the same sentiment. I'd rather drop dead or something rather than actually know that it's my birthday (no kidding). And no, this is most definitely NOT an exaggeration.

Anyway, last Thursday I was on leave from work because I wanted to savor one full rest day for a change. If I'm not mistaken, I spent my birthday last year working in the morning, replying to birthday greetings in the afternoon and then hitting the sack early during night time.

See? I'm not into the festivity that is my birthday... and this year was no exception. My mom tried waking me up early but I was sick, so I ended up rolling out of bed just before lunch time, not to eat but just to go to the loo. Then, I opened my Facebook to either like and/or comment on the birthday greetings. After which, I took a nap and then took a quick bath upon waking up when I realized that it's almost sun down.

I was only expecting my best friend Caren to arrive for dinner since she works just a few blocks away from my home. Just right after I got dressed, I heard my phone ringing - well, it didn't register in my mind why the ringtone was different, anyway - I saw my boyfriend's name on the caller ID.

I thought he was just checking to see if I was okay since he already called during lunch time. But to my surprise, he was already in front of our house... with a bouquet of red roses in tow.

I was greeted by his quizzical look (and yet he was smiling - I don't know how he does that) as he said,

"Happy Birthday, hon!... Akala ko ba may sakit ka?"

Syempre - I was speechless. I wasn't even able to react immediately. I froze. Weird, but I stood rooted to the ground. Hindi ako nahihiya, but I did at that moment. To be honest, he's the only guy who gave me roses - and on two different occasions pa!

After which, we had dinner with my family and my best friend. And he was able to meet my dad (finally)! So far, it's probably the best birthday I had! Even though I was "medyo sinusumpong" at that time, my heart's contented just holding his hand while we were chatting with my mom and best friend. And just before he headed home after dinner, he gave me his other surprise - a box of chocolates (my favorite)! You guys might say it's very typical, but it didn't fail to melt me like jelly. It's as if Valentines just arrived a little too soon for me. Haha!

So for that, hon, I'd like to thank you for making my day SUPER! Even though I may not show it often, but you make my heart glad with even the simplest thing that you do for me - and I appreciate it big time.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

After work on Saturday (12.10.2011), me and Fjordz headed off to Bonifacio Global City for Sun Life Financial's SunPIOLOgy Sunset Run (for the benefit of the Hebreo Foundation). Yes, Papa P was there for the 10K run - don't ask again (lol). Moving forward >>>

Frankly, it's my first time to join an actual race though I've been running (just for exercise and the sake of losing weight) since early 2010, but I seriously have no idea what to expect. It was his first time, too! So we just tried the 3K race for starters. :)

Knowing that the weather hasn't been the most cooperative one for the past few days, I expected that it might actually rain during the race. Luckily, it didn't! Well, it did but it was just rain showers.

I know for one that the race route we took wasn't the usual one for races held at BGC (from 34th St. to 8th Ave. and back), but I realized that it was a little challenging when I was on my 2nd km at 8th avenue because the road was inclined so the route back up to the front of MC Home Depot was a struggle.

But I think I have to get back on my running shoes to get some practice. I finished at roughly around 24 minutes for a 3 km run - quite slow from my usual time.

But despite that, I had an awesome time! I'm guessing that the crowd's unlike the ones you usually see at bigger races, but it was still good. The perks after the race wasn't so generous either. It's still the good times that matter. Plus, dinner at my house after the race (in short, nawala din ang tinakbo. Haha!)! :)

Monday, December 12, 2011

Everyone knows that my blood's literally composed of 75% coffee, so it's no wonder that I'm on my 6th year of collecting the Starbucks planner.

This year, I was initially hesitant to collect stickers since I always have a habit of abandoning my planner halfway through the year plus the fact that I need to save up on my upcoming travels for next year. Well, I still update it from time to time but it's very much unlike the first few months that I got it.

Thanks to the help of my wonderful teammates and my bestfriend - I was able to get my planner this year right on target - and at a cheaper cost too! I love you, guys!

So here it goes, I got mine last Saturday (12.10.2011) while me and my boyfriend were hanging out at Starbucks Glorietta 5. This year, my planner redemption came with an unexpected twist.

I was ordering a tall extra hot Hibiscus Tea Latte from the barista and when I told him that I'm also getting my planner at that time, he told me that I could get anything on the selection except the cherry one (it came in five colors: poplar, bamboo, cherry, spruce, and oak). I initially wanted the cherry one since my officemate showed hers and it was the perfect color. But I just opted for poplar. I thought cherry was unavailable, but I got a big laugh when the barista said (well, not the exact words though but just the same thought),

I can't even bat an eyelash when he said that. I found it really funny! This is what usually makes me go to Starbucks. Most of their baristas are very personable, even though they're not your suki branch.

I was happier when I got back to the table. My boyfriend unwrapped the planner first, and when I looked at it - it was SO pretty. I mean, it was just the right size and weight for a planner. Not too bulky, not too flashy but not too plain either.

Despite the fact that the previous planners have more writing space on it (and writing lines, too), I like this planner better because I'm pretty sure that I can update it much easier. It also comes with this "notes" section that I appreciate since I plan to stick a lot of photos on it to make it sort of a scrapbook-y planner. The only downside is it's made of wood, so I'd have to be more careful with it.

But waddaheck, I love my planner for this year! Let's see how it ends up looking by the end of 2012. ;)

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

On this day of your life, Faye, we believe God wants you to know ... that every relationship rests on three legs: accepting, supporting and challenging.

That's really it, isn't it? You want your relationships to be grounded on accepting each other as you are. On supporting each other through the inevitable ups and downs. On challenging each other to become more, to grow, to flourish. Which one of these is the more difficult one for you, and how are you going to practice it in the next 24 hours?

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

I'm a notorious pessimist. I know, I know. But I'm trying to veer away from this emotionally-damaging attitude.

These days, I get those "attacks" of negativity. I can't even clearly pinpoint the source of it. That was why I ranted a lot of mood-swing-worthy tweets for the past few days. Again, I apologize. *sigh*

I'm brooding over a problem not worthy of constant worrying. Gets?

Good thing I read Day 12 from the Purpose Driven Life. It's very timely that I got teary-eyed while reading it at work:

"Pain is the fuel of passion - it energizes us with an intensity to change that we don't normally possess. C.S. Lewis said, 'Pain is God's megaphone.' It's God's way of arousing us from spiritual lethargy. Your problems are not punishment; they are wake-up calls from a loving God."

I remember back in high school, we were asked to read The Purpose Driven Life for our CLE class. My 13-year-old self thought it was just like any other book - and now I can say that it isn't. I'm glad that I picked up the copy given to me two years ago by Ms. Cora Claudio of Earth Asia. Right now, I definitely have a different perspective on this book. I can't say what it is exactly, but I appreciate it more as of the moment. I really do.

And today, I just finished reading the chapter for Day 6 and found this part to be really inspiring:

"When life gets tough, when you're overwhelmed with doubt, or when you wonder if living for Christ is worth the effort, remember that you are not home yet. Earth is not our final home; we were created for something much better."

This is by far the best book I've read while working in the morning. :)

Sunday, October 9, 2011

QUIZ TIME! Wow, parang hayskul lang! Pero cool ito. It has a series of personality tests based on VisualDNA based on how you respond to concepts such as art and freedom, to selecting your ideal holiday and bedroom - all of which are give away clues to your personality.

You're super stylish and love changing your look. You're creative and like to put your stamp on everything you do. You're definitely someone who appreciates the finer things in life. You have great taste and like to spoil yourself every once in a while. You're a bit of a culture vulture too and love to keep your finger on the pulse of all that's going on. For you, there's nothing quite like getting immersed in the magic of the theater and a really great show. It's all about the ambience and the experience of the show. It's a great night out - the ultimate in escapism and culture.

You have a real passion for music and are probably fanatical about the songwriters and bands that you like. Getting to see live gigs is always a treat and gives you a real buzz.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

I remember re-tweeting this yesterday but it made more sense to me at this moment. Such beautiful words yet so hard to live out. Almost tragic.

I recall my mom saying, "The right amount of pride is vital in life. Without it, you may lose yourself." - That's true. I'm not even going to argue with her about it. Yes, pride IS one of the deadly sins. And yet, I believe that it only becomes as such if it's excessive.

We are always taught of the ideals acceptable within societal norms, yet it's hard to carry them out because we can never tailor-fit something that is not custom-made for us. We tend to judge people by what they do and say without truly knowing why they are behaving in such a manner.

When I was younger and naive, I often judge people as they appear right before my eyes - not really caring to delve deep into what makes them tick, that is why misunderstood them and it led to a lot of arguments. I used to believe that I'm the greatest person on Earth - no kidding. That just reflects how sheltered my life was back when I was a kid; I was the center of attention, the youngest in the family, the "miracle" child as I've told. But being shoved to the real world made me realize that I'm just a speck in this so-called journey. I'm not perfect. I'm no longer an achiever. I'm just average. I'm just me. Luckily, I've been blessed with a great family and awesome set of close friends who taught me how to be myself without losing a grip of who I ought to be.

Yet, pride is still there. It still is and it will be. Not because I glorify in being sinful - don't get me wrong. But rather, I use it as a form of "veil" that would shield me from all the things that could hurt me physically, emotionally, spiritually and psychologically. Though that is the case, I still try to take a step back first before analyzing things and situations. It's a perspective in life that I'm still trying to master because it ain't easy, but it's pretty much useful. I can say it helps to clear my cluttered thoughts, makes me create sound judgment and aid in my relationships. And with it, I've grown fully aware of the things around me.

It's only been a little over two decades that I've lived my life. So much things will still happen, but definitely a worthwhile journey towards a bright and beautiful tomorrow. Life's both a battle and a race. Take risks. Live life.

oOo

"Nobody said it was easy." ~Coldplay

This goes out to my closest friends experiencing turbulence in their relationship:

Managing relationships are tricky, especially the romantic kind. A lot of things are constantly at stake, most especially your time and emotion. On an upbeat, it's satisfying, gratifying and gives you a sort-of confidence boost. But on the downside, it can be frustrating, confusing and literallyemotional suicide. It's both healthy and unhealthy. It's a struggle. And yet, refer to the line above from Coldplay's song The Scientist.

I admit, I've never had any serious relationships before (yes, you've read that right). I've never talked about it because there was no need to. Countless, yes, but remarkable, yes and no - maybe none. But I think it's high time that I say my two cents on this.

Perhaps not being in an actual relationship before is my flaw to handling ties. Though I may know how to handle other people in different scenarios, but being in this state is very much different. It's not something casual, but not too formal either. It's kind of like in the middle.

Get my drift? Okay, I'm being vague here. But that's my ultimate flaw; every person has one, right? And yet, it doesn't necessarily mean that I don't try my hardest to make things work. I do. I try. Always.

But let's remember that working on relationships is a two-way process. Building its foundation is a great task and it needs two mature and sincere people to make things work. If in case that the other person still carries excess baggage from previous commitments, it will never work. Leave the past behind and face the future challenge.

It was said that the things that make a difference are real COMPROMISE, real SACRIFICE and real MOMENTS.

oOo

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -- I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference!"

~excerpt from The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

I'm at a crossroads in my life.

Wow, I never thought I'd say this - but... at this point, I just want to run away to the depths of the Earth.

Career path. Still non-existent. Well, technically, yes, mostly likely no. But then again... risks and more risks up ahead. Is it worth it?

Sa Galid or Up State?

Decisions... decisions... and thus, I surrender everything to Him for it was said that God Won't Give You More Than You Can Handle.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Okay, that song's passé - I know, I know. But after such a long time, it feels good to actually NOT go to work on a Friday on either of my two part-time jobs.

And after such a LONG time, I was able to do an early morning jog. Perfect weather, indeed! A little foggy and kind-of chilly... but still good! :)

But since our DSL's going loco again, I'll try to upload the photo I took of my jogging path next time. ;) Okay, DONE.

oOo

Reverting to my last post about communication, I found this post on Dawn Yang's blog (clapbangkiss.xanga.com/) and it's just the perfect example of how things could go from bad to worst if you're not talking face to face...

Brace yourselves people:

Dear Wife,

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw seeing how you don't tell me anything anymore. Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West

Virginia together! Have a great life!

——

Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed,

Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.

oOo

Lots of things to contemplate here. Though this example was put in a comedic light, it's something that we could learn from.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Listening to: Forever from the album Hillsong United (The I Heart Revolution)

Oh, hello OCTOBER! Truly, how time flies by so fast and soon enough despite all the success and failures, happiness and sadness, and all the craziness in between I still find myself surviving life. Thank you, Lord! :)

Which brings me to my usual habit of over-thinking things. Hence, I write (or type, for that matter).

I've meant to put up this entry last week, but I noticed that I literally flooded my blog with so much stuff in a span of days that I ought to save this one for today. Thus, here it goes...

I've had countless conversations with people about how they communicate with one another back when computers and the internet was still an idea yet to be conceived. Hearing their stories, it seems to me that people get along just fine without technology to aid them in getting their message across, though "snail mail" was, as it's name suggest, slow. But I think it's in the wait that makes people look forward to something either heart-warming, heart-wrenching, or any emotion elicited by the words enclosed in that simple piece of parchment, as opposed to how "instant" things are these days with technology.

In an era where most people are used to communicating electronically, either via social networking sites such as Facebook, Twitter, e-mail, Yahoo Messenger/Skype/Google Talk, etc - well, myself included - it's no wonder that people no longer savor these kind of emotions. I'm not saying that it's totally wrong. For some, it works for them in a sense that they get to say what's truly on their mind without the hassle of going through the emotional turmoil of how to go about it in person. BUT ---

What I'm trying to say is: Don't you think that a better approach to life is to actually try to disconnect yourself online and try to reconnect with reality - to the ones that really matter? I believe that it's not in the countless friends you have online or the huge number of followers on any platform that defines who you are. Nor is it with the words you're able to impart with or without meaning.

I for one have a lot of "friends" on Facebook, but personally know just a handful of them - say... less than a hundred? And by personally, I meant I've known them for years and have shared my life experiences with them - not just mere acquaintances.

Communication is truly a gift to mankind. It's up to us how we use it to our advantage to nurture ties with one another. It's in the quality and amount of effort that we put into something that makes things more worthwhile.

Friday, September 23, 2011

"The only way to know if someone really loves you, is if they accept you for everything that you are. Nothing more and nothing less. No one is perfect but true love accepts the imperfections and your habits."