Archive for September, 2007

It’s a beautiful day today, to the point where it’s perfect for a picnic or a day to spend outside. Everybody seems to glow with joy and contentment. And all I want is for today to end.

The world passes by in a blur, and I keep trying to make it all make sense. Everything is in constant motion, always moving, never stopping to take it all in, and breathe.

People keep moving to fulfill this urgent need that, in the future will only become a distant memory not even sweet enough to remember, and still they work hard to achieve it. I can only hope that today is one of those memories.

Katherine Anne Porter once said; ‘There seems to be a kind of order in the universe…in the movement of the stars and the turning of the Earth and the changing of the seasons. But human life is almost pure chaos. Everyone takes his stance, asserts his own right and feelings, mistaking the motives of others, and his own.’

Never did it ever make sense, as it does today. Just sitting here, and looking at everything around me. It seems so surreal to have lived in it, and have been a part of it all my life and never noticed it.

My god, the amount of things that these souls do just to get through the day is amazing to my eyes. All these people with different ambitions and needs is just… wow.

The bus stops, and when I look at my surroundings, I realize that this is my stop. Oh god, I don’t want to go. I close my eyes and take a deep breath and hope to find some courage somewhere in me that I never knew I had.

I open my eyes and stand and leave the bus. All I want is to get through the day.

*^@!%&$# i hate flip flops on guys, don’t get me wrong, some men can pull it off. and when i see someone who isn’t puling it off, i just say “no” and every time that happens, something has to happen with me and the guy with the flops. either he comes on to me, or is just a friend..

NOTE: this tag is for your mobile background…mobile being the key word 😛

i just thought today when i woke up to check my phone and saw my wallpaper, “what’s theirs?”

so i thought i’d make it a deal of some sort, i’ll post mine, then you can post yours.. you can call it a tag i guess.. ask the blogger you feel curious about.. i don’t know does that sound like i just stepped over a line?? ya3ny maly shi’3il what your wallpaper is?? anyway i’m just curious, and if it’s like a picture of somebody and it’s personal, all you’d have to say is, “mine is a picture of blank”

anyway i really hope people pick this up and not get pissed at me 🙂 i’ll start i have three, i change it every 3 minutes 😛 (click on the picture to actually see it)

“Yes they do. Some people deserve it. Deserve to live in this misery, this hollowness that they feel in themselves, because they deserve it. They- they…mistreated it, or took it too far, or- or…they took it for granted. So this happens to them, so that they grow and learn and never do it again, So that later they know better. And the only thing you did wrong, was give them too much freedom to do it to you over and over again, you chose to not do anything. You could’ve stopped it, put an end to it. Said no. But you chose not to do anything. You chose to be miserable. And now you have to live through that.”

At that moment, I fell in love with her. I fell in love with her uncontrollable spirit, her subtle beauty and her gentle grace. It wasn’t the I-want-to-spend-the-rest-of-my-life-with-you love. It was the kind of love that I wanted her to be happy more than anything, and wanting to save her from whatever battle she was in.

Breathing hard, she turned away and looked at anything and everything but me. I continued to look at her, people might consider it staring, but I couldn’t help it. She did something to me. She woke me up. She actually changed my perspective on my life.

And after that speech what am I supposed to say? I’m not even going to bother responding to that. I came out for a walk to clear my head in this cold, and I got a lecture on how I chose to be miserable.

How did it all come to this? I sat on the bench after walking for about an hour. And then I’m pouring all my life’s problems out in the open like I’m talking to a therapist.

“So, what do you suggest I do?” I ask as she stands to leave.

Lifting her head up to the sky. She looks at it with such intensity as if the answer was written in the clouds passing us by. I lift my head and try to see what she sees, hoping to find the answer too.