Day 126

On day 126 I feel energized. I sat down with a fellow AA member (Jay) yesterday for over four hours and we discussed the challenges and benefits of our sobriety. At times we both laughed hysterically at some of our drunken antics—and we also felt shame/remorse discussing the times when we hurt those who were closest to us. Of course I mentioned Katie on several occasions—I still miss her and think about her every hour of every-day. I feel blessed to have created a network of brothers through AA, who not matter what, pick up the phone when I call, and I do the same for them. It is important that alcoholics support other alcoholics—we approach giving advice and support with blunt honesty and straight forwardness. Jay, as described in one of my earlier posts, was an unapproachable man at one point, trapped in his illness—and now, seeing him smile, it continues to reinforce the fact that things only get better once we put down the bottle.

I went to Lila’s first soccer game on Saturday, and it was a lot of fun. I try to keep my distance from Priscilla and Nick—I just wish we had a better relationship as co-parents. Also, on Saturday—we hosted a memorial BBQ at work for a volunteer who recently passed away. It was a beautifully emotional event—and I felt, in a positive way, overwhelmed with feelings being surrounded by such amazing people. It sure is nice to feel again. I am so excited to pick Lila up from school tomorrow and spend the evening with her…playing, reading books and lying with her until she falls asleep. Each weekday morning, on the days when I take her to school, I get up at 5:30am to get ready—it’s nice to wake up feeling fresh, as opposed to foggy and lethargic. Alcohol was truly poisoning my body with each sip.

Four months, 18 weeks, 126 days—however I want to count the time sober, I still have to keep in mind that it’s still a short time clean, given the fact that I have to live the rest of my life alcohol free. I have no doubt that I can continue moving forward in a productive way.