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Pregnancy and motherhood is the most natural and wonderful life changing events a woman will go through. When you are pregnant for the first time there is a blissful ignorance of what is about to come. It's the most beautiful, romantic time and it's all hope and happiness. You can't quite imagine what it's going to be like, but you know it's going to be beautiful! You feel your baby move and your heart is filled with love and excitement and you haven't even met them yet but you already know that you are carrying your world with you. It is not coincidence we all feel this way; it is by design. Right from the word go their is a powerful force responsible; she is called Mother Nature.
When your baby arrives, and let's face it ladies, labour is one hell of an eye-opener! It's nothing that you could have imagined and it's hard to describe. Mother nature makes it so you can just about cope, you can bear it, so that you will be so filled with relief an…

It has come far too quickly! Everybody told me it would fly by and it has done. I cannot believe that I am fst neqring the end of my maternity leave and as the SMP runs out I have to go bck to work! Yes I would rather stay at home with my baby boy, but sadly for me that is just not a viable option. I could weep and break my heart over this but instead I am trying to focus on the positive that I only have to go back part time. What this has led to is the trauma of deciding which nursery to send my most prized treasure too! Something I was not anticipating to be quite as difficult as it was.
For me geographical poximty was kind of irrelevant as I live in a rural village in a rural area so the local town is really the only option; any nursery would require a car journey so this factored quite low on the priority list. Which opened up about 6 possibilities. People told me I would have a gut feeling abour a nursery and it didn't matter what anyone else told you, you would know whi…

Hyperemesis Gravidarum is a pregnancy related condition that causes severe nausea and vomiting; it can be so severe the sufferer may feel faint, become dehydrated and have significant weight loss. Not only is it physically debilitating it can be mentally challenging too. Not only do you have the horrific sickness to contend with day in day out for weeks, you also may become isolated, house-bound and feel quite lonely. Take into account the fact the joyous occasion of becoming pregnant being somewhat overshadowed by this awful comdition and it is no suprise depression is also very common in sufferers. If you are suffering with HG this post is for you:I just want to tell you to hold on and that you can do this. I know that sickness can start so early in your pregnancy. It came to me early too and I know that feeling. I know those fears. The fear your baby is at risk because you can't eat or drink properly. The desperation to hide your pregnancy but you are struggling because you a…

I can't quite believe that my little boy is 7 months old next week. What is more unbelievable is my maternity pay stops in 6 weeks and the inevitability of the return to work is looming. Currently me and my son are coming to the end of my breastfeeding journey and it is a decision that I am finding more painful than I ever anticipated.
I didn't have the easiest of starts to breastfeeding and it took till around 14 weeks in to be pain free due to numerous issues (read my blog on the challenges I faced here). But after those 14 weeks things got better and better, breastfeeding became easy, and more than that, I started to enjoy the time I had just me and my boy.
I loved how he looked at me, how he relaxed, how content he was during and after feeds.
I felt like we were connected and as he got older it got even more special as he would laugh or smile as our eyes met while he fed or how funny I found it when he got distracted by some noise or movement and pull off to have a …

It is 2am and the baby is awake, that is not unusual for babies! But this is the start of my little boy waking himself up every hour until morning. He is 6 1/2 months old now and he has never slept through, he has never really slept more than 4 hours and that is just how it is. When I bought him home, my perfect little bundle of joy, I quickly became concerned there was something wrong with him. He never was still! His arms waved up and down continuously and it looked so bizarre I was worried he was having some kind of seizure or that they were involuntary movements. I saw a health visitor and she agreed he was very active, we had a Neonatal behavioural assessment to help me read his cues as he just wouldn't sleep. I felt like it was my fault bit I was reassured all was well. The assessment was really useful we looked at his cues and how to read his behavioural states. The newborn has 6 behavioural states and understanding and noticing them can help you read how to interac…

I am lying in bed wondering when the next feed will be. It is usually around this time so it feels almost pointless to go to sleep before he wakes. It's in these moments I dare to let my thoughts loose. The ones I have been too busy all day with my baby to listen to. It's in these moments I hold back the tears and try to push the welling grief down. I am led right next to my husband, he is sleeping, and although I could just put my hand out and touch him - he feels further away than ever.I am lying here knowing I am lonelier than ever. My baby is asleep in the adjoining room, he has a cold and I can hear his nose whistling as he sleeps soundly. In that room is my whole heart, my reason for going on, my reason for living.I have never had many friends, I came from a military family so we moved so many times friendships were fleeting and even in my adult life I have also remained nomadic! Maybe it's a learnt behaviour, not holding onto friendships because I always leave…

There are a lot of emotions that I expected to feel when I became a mum. Happiness, love, joy, excitement, fear but one that I didn't anticipate feeling all the time is guilt. Guilt appears to be the backdrop of every day life for me now. I feel guilty as a wife, a friend, sister, daughter and as a mother. I am unable to seem to get through a day without feeling this emotion in something I have done or in some cases not done.As a wife, I constantly feel like I am falling short of the mark. Not that my husband has ever suggested it! No this is my own self evaliation to blame here! The house is a mess, the washing basket is full or the washing in the machine is still in there 2 days later! Its the feeling of inadequecy because I am not earning, that I don't want to go back to work because my world now is a tiny little human we created but financial pressures are growing regardless. Guilt that I am exhausted, all the time! I feel bad that I haven't got the energy or will …