5,000 Great One Liners by Grant Tucker PDF

Whether informed within the rugby golf equipment of Wales or the gentlemen's golf equipment of London, their sharpness and ease unites us all. brief, candy and wickedly smart, they carry a different position within the annals of comedy, and because the upward thrust of Twitter heralds a resurrection of the artwork shape, there turns out no greater time to have fun the immortal one-liner. during this publication, provide Tucker does simply that, bringing jointly 5,000 of the funniest one-liners ever advised in a single definitive quantity. Laugh-out-loud humorous, 5,000 nice One-Liners has all of the quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks you will ever want – and a complete lot extra.

The yr is 1798. Napoleon's naval forces are gathering within the Mediterranean, getting ready to annex Egypt, and it truly is there the newly-promoted Commodore Richard Bolitho is distributed with a small squadron of ships lower than his command.

Top Conradian pupil Daniel R. Schwarz assembles his paintings from during the last twenty years into one the most important quantity, offering an important reexamination of a seminal determine who is still a big concentration within the twenty-first century. Schwarz touches on almost all of Joseph Conrad's paintings together with his masterworks and the later, particularly overlooked fiction.

But then I remembered they have nothing Toulouse. ’ So he’s finally come out of the cabinet, eh? I’ll act my age when I’m sixty-nine. I just pissed so hard a little bit of laugh came out. Now they’re saying cigarettes can cause rectal cancer. I’ll be OK though, I’m always very careful to put them in my mouth. I’ve just watched my dyslexic cousin searching for ‘Horn Pub’ on Google. He’s not even old enough to drink. Knock knock… Who’s there? … The Internet Browsing Authorities … Knock knock … knock knock … knock knock knock.

Well, at least now I can watch Glee without her changing the channel. The bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an impostor. He never once moved diagonally. Man, I’m tired… I stayed up all night trying to remember if I have amnesia or insomnia. Police are looking for a man who robbed an off-licence using scissors. They say the guy could be a real danger… Unless you have a rock. How did I get out of Iraq? Iran. Last night I was so drunk that when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bar, I won the dance competition.

I replied. Strangely, my wife wasn’t happy at all when I gave her a ring on our wedding day. Perhaps I should have texted her instead. I thought I’d forgotten how to play Tetris, but once I started all the pieces seemed to fall into place. My fat wife started crying because the airline made her book two seats. ’ That cheered her right up. I’ve just bought an earthquake detection stone. You place it on the ground and if there is an earthquake it jumps up and down. ’ complained my girlfriend. ’ I’ve set up a charity called ‘Tourette’s Welfare and Treatment’.