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Hey everyone! I have been playing Minecraft for quite a while now, but I haven't been able to find any proper servers. This one seems really nice, so I'd like to join if possible!
Minecraft name is Grann.

Hey everyone! I have been playing Minecraft for quite a while now, but I haven't been able to find any proper servers. This one seems really nice, so I'd like to join if possible!
Minecraft name is Grann.

DRoseDARs says: *Note: I’ll likely repost this in the uRPS Minecraft thread since that community has been a part of my life for 3 years now… and without meaning to, I’d mostly exiled myself from it. I’ve talked with some of them about this in chat, but I owe the broader community an explanation outside of chat.

*breaths in, exhales*

Well that exercise was interesting. Not completely relatable, and certain responses were not really what I would have done, but meh the game was close enough. I won’t go into too much detail, but the past 2 years have been rough for me. I ignored it as long as I could until symptoms physically manifested themselves. I’m not taking therapy, but have been on a medication since December. I’m not “good” but I’m not as awful as I had been through much of the past few months. It’s silly, but I feel guilt and shame for not being around on the uRPS Minecraft community very much during all this, despite knowing and playing with many there for almost 3 years now. It’s such a strange and horrid place to be, depression. It’s very true that you struggle to find joy and comfort in things. I had to force myself to play some stuff on Steam, but gaming just wasn’t getting there for me. The thought of facing my friends on the server was unbearable because I felt so… alien. Even at work (I’m a manager at a gym, janitorial and maintenance) surrounded by people and co-workers, I just wanted to be invisible most days, left to stoically do my tasks. By late November, that strategy was back-firing and I had to address it before it got worse. I’d had suicidal thoughts in my teens, being uncertain about myself and coming to terms with being gay, so I knew I was in a dark place again but as an adult, so much worse could result from being there again.

I found that community while I was unemployed, having lost my job of 7 years, and the people there combined with the simple joys of Minecraft got me through all that, for which I am immensely thankful. What I’ve gone through these past 2 years is nothing like that. I was sad when I was unemployed, this darkness had been much more pervasive and unrelenting. I didn’t feel guilty nor was I responsible I’d lost my job, whereas of late I felt utterly worthless at times, repulsive at others, and felt sub-Human the entire time. All that wretchedness… from no where.

That is depression. It is a disease. It cannot be cured as if it were a virus or a broken bone, but it can be treated and managed. Depression is not your fault, nor anyone else’s fault. Depression simply is.

You don’t have to bare it in silence. Talk to someone empathetic who you know won’t mock you for it or give you the “stiff upper lip” bullshit. Whether to take medications, seek therapy, or both is between you and your doctor. My meds have helped and I’m on the training wheels class of anti-depressants, rather than any of the hardcore stuff. I need to make another follow-up appointment with my doctor to discuss the future of my treatment. I’ll likely stick with this med rather than upgrading to something stronger, and I’m leery of therapy, but I shudder to think where I’d be if I hadn’t made that first appointment in December.

I'm glad you took that first step, it is the hardest.
I've experienced depression first-hand in an ex, and I'm reasonably certain that I've been through it myself, but I made the mistake of thinking I just had to 'snap out of it'. It just doesn't work like that and many people simply can't understand that.
I hope things work out for you and I want to say you are very much missed on the server (hint - we need more ways to prank Xerian!). If you need or just want a chat, look for me on facebook - I generally leave it open on whichever comp I'm not working on so a response may be slow, but I usually get there :)