This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i could be Andy Griffith

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I’m at the gym and I’m totally out of my regular routine because Kevin just had shoulder surgery. So I’m here on the recumbent bike and I’m looking at all the TVs which are right in front of me and Andy Griffith, that’s right Andy Griffith is on TV; after all, this is North Carolina.

So Andy is on TV and his TV girlfriend, whatever the hell her name is, is carrying a laundry basket because obviously she was at the Laundromat which is no big deal except that on Monday I was at the Laundromat. Yeah, you heard me right. I WAS AT THE LAUNDROMAT. Why? Well, mostly because my stupid washing machine broke down with a load of wash in it and about 5 loads of wash that needed to be done. Now as you KNOW, I DON’T DO wash. Mostly because I hate folding things and mostly because I’m grounded from the wash because apparently, the fact that I don’t mind wrinkles AT ALL bugs Kevin.

However, when you have all your kids at home for the Holidays so there’s five people living in your house and you also have sheets, towels and the like, wash is a pretty important thing. So, when Carol told me the washer wasn’t working, I had no choice but to throw it all in huge garbage bags and lug it up to the Laundromat.

I don’t think I’ve been to one since I was in college because when I lived in New York City you just dropped your laundry off at the Chinese cleaners and they washed and folded it for you. It was so awesome; id just drop it in the morning on the way to work and pick it up on the way home.

But, that wasn’t the case the other day. Andie helped me lug it all up there and then we looked around. Decisions decisions; there were 1-load, 3-load and a 5-load washing machines. Well, after doing a cost/benefit analysis I decided to use 2 of the 3-load machines and 1 5-load machine. I was thinking, how can I use the least amount of machines possible and Andie was tapping her foot saying, “Mom, just choose already.” Then I realized that I didn’t have anywhere enough quarters. I mean, $4 in quarters? That’s a lot! Especially when you take into account I have 3 machines and one is $6.50! So I went to my car and got my Mahjong quarter stash and I still didn’t have anywhere near enough quarters.

However, we got it together and started all three loads and Andie announced that she wanted to go home. REALLY? So I drove her home, picked up tons of laundry baskets and my iPad and went back. Now I had time to really study my surroundings. The one good thing was that the wash was REALLY fast…only 20 minutes for the loads. Then I had to do the dryer thing.

So, they had 1-load dryers for a quarter for 7 minutes and 3-load dryers for a quarter for 4 minutes. So I’m sitting there trying to do the math figuring out what’s more efficient. Finally I decide I’ll use two of the larger dryers but I’ll use one for 40 minutes (the recommended time) and one for 32 minutes (because I’m arbitrary like that).

I’m sitting there thinking that “boy, there’s a LOT of math involved in washing at the Laundromat” when someone asks me why I chose the larger dryer. So, I’m explaining my cost/benefit analysis and this person is looking at me like “what the fuck is wrong with this woman?” and I realize that these people clearly don’t think like me.

It was at that point when I realized that I was TOTALLY OUT OF MY ELEMENT. However, I did manage to convince the woman that she should use the larger dryer. Also, the 32-minute load was quite dry therefore the recommended 40-minute load is a bunch of crap and therefore uses 50 cents more per drying cycle.

As I was later explaining to Andie, if they rip you off at $.50/week then that’s almost $50 a year and probably these people can’t afford that so that perhaps the entire “recommended” drying time is just a con and shouldn’t I write an expose about that when Andie told me to shut up about the Laundromat and “how long did she have to listen to me go on and on about the Laundromat” and I realized that I’m both unloved and unappreciated.

Not only that, but when I brought the FIVE baskets of clean, yet incredibly wrinkly and poorly folded laundry home, NO ONE appreciated all that I had done for my family. As a matter of fact, Kevin asked me “why I even bothered to fold it?” which by the way, took FOREVER cuz there was so much fucking laundry.

Meanwhile, the washer guy said it would cost more to repair the washer then it was worth so I should “buy a new one” but Kevin just had surgery so since he’s a second guesser I can’t do it without him so I’LL PROBABLY END UP AT THE LAUNDROMAT AGAIN!!!

OK, so once i worked at a dry cleaners / laundromat. Husband laid off – last resort kinda thing “Oh you can give me a job today? Ok” anyways I’m surprised you left your laundry there and it was STILL THERE when you went back. Not always the best crowd of people there.. Get a new washer. If you get the front loader kind you can also use it to pretend you are at the beach. I actually sit in front of mine and watch it – it’s soothing…. I also might be partly nuts. “Mom is busy- be right out!” it can put you to sleep – so long as you have a lock on the door.

Clearly a laudromat n00b here – what the hell are 3- and 5-load machines? I’m a literal person, so I’d think you only needed the 5 load (ignoring of course the colour separating BS) if you had about 5 loads of laundry to do. Also? I just got a new washer and dryer the Friday before Christmas and I’m ashamed to admit I squeed and did a bit of a happy dance when they were delivered. And they sing to me *g*Neeroc recently posted..Today in pictures.

stacy

January 3, 2012

I am constantly pushing the buttons on my washer and dryer – even when I am not doing laundry. It makes this really cool musical sound. I show EVERYONE who comes into my house the washer and dryer. And I let them hear the noises. They play along. It really is cool though. i think i have the best washer and dryer in the WHOLE WORLD. you can turn the noises off, but then why have them? Really. I even clean them – no dust on my machines.

The first thing my husband did was turn the singing off! I quickly showed him the error of his ways. And I’m so glad I’m not the only one that shows off her washer/dryer *g*. There’s nothing worse than dusty machines lol. I went shopping last night for a yoga mat to chop up for the top so they wouldn’t get scratched. It’s a sickness I think.Neeroc recently posted..Today in pictures.

stacy

January 3, 2012

Thank you for loving your machines too – It is NOT a sickness. You find joy where you can… and mine ( well one of mine ) is in my laundry room. Yay me! And Yay you!

Good lord I despise the laundromat. I always buy refurbished washers and dryers. I say always, but I’ve only bought two sets in my life. They work just fine and I’m not trying to impress anyone by having one of those LG steam clean gorgeous hunks of a machine. I have overpriced restaurants to eat at!

Despite being an introvert to the nth degree, I used to LOVE the laundromat! There was one near my little treehouse apartment that had a bowling game and pinball machine. I was terrible at both – and I’d complain endlessly about how I was being robbed blind by the machines as I obsessively frequented the change machine to feed my game habits. Priorities, no? Now that I think about it – perhaps it wasn’t the laundromat I loved as much as the simplicity of that time in my life. I *knock on wood* have functioning machines at home now and there’s something inhumane about being forced to fold my childrens’ pint-sized frocks…. even folding those miniature pants in half seems counter-productive when I could be… well…. napping. Wow – that train of thought derailed promptly! Anyhoo – Love your posts and I’m glad I found your blog! :)

Thanks for finding me…I suppose that I’d I hadn’t had sooooo much damn laundry then it wouldn’t have been such a big deal

Vicki Vee

January 3, 2012

I am stunned to find out there are others of my kind out in the world. Here I thought I was the only enthusiastic! woman who loved her new Sears washer. It has music, a towel on top to prevent scratches, is dusted and will stay this way for years to come.
Perhaps my appliance fetish started with my first job, at the age of 6. I was lucky enough to be employed by my grandfather at his Goodyear Tire Store every Saturday morning. My duty was to dust off all the appliances. WHAT-you didn’t know that tire stores sold appliances back in the day??? Anyhow, that first job must have given me my love of shiny, new dust free appliances which has carried on throughout my life. Nice to meet you all and I am off to do laundry ;)

so – here is how bad I am. It was right about the the time that my oldest went to her first dance that I got my new washer/dryer so I had take their picture if front of them – “vanna white” style. Now it is kinda a tradition – get dressed up – you are standing in front of the washer and getting your picture taken. =) They play along.

I always hated the laundromat. No, I take that back. I always hated laundry. The laundromat was a place I could sit and relax with a good book with only short interruptions from the laundry. Come to think of it – I still hate laundry. And I absolutely hate to iron – so I live with wrinkles. They’re not bad and sometimes just wearing the clothes help the wrinkles just fall out. Yeah that’s right – the wrinkles FALL out.

Glad you got a new washer. Mine is on its last leg so I have a feeling I’ll be looking for a laundromat soon because God forbid we be proactive and get a new one before this one is TOTALLY broken! :) UGH. Had to laugh at your revelation that you were both unloved and unappreciated….funny except I can totally relate to that feeling. And your husband is a second guesser…OMG mine too even for things that should NOT concern him. So annoying. But I love him anyway (my husband, not yours although I’m sure your husband is great) :)

I still occasionally bring all of my family’s clothing to the laundromat for fluff’n fold drop off service. It’s incredibly expensive but if I’ve had a bad week I treat myself. But I don’t tell anyone. Of course the kids wonder why once in a while the clothes are so impeccably folded and the rest of the time it looks like the dog dragged each item through the house and tossed it into their rooms.Wendy recently posted..How to Write Your Stupid Book: Tip 5 – A Rose by Any Other Name Still Stinks

As I type, my kids are complaining about having to do math homework.
I’m sure you can imagine what they’re saying:

I’ll never use math. Math is stupid. When’s dinner? Why are you pouring more wine? Who cares about quadratic equations? Why are you walking away? Are you listening to me? Math is completely unnecessary.

You know. The usual.

I am going to make both of them read this post before they go to bed.
(After they finish folding the laundry. Of course.)

p.s. Strong work getting a Kenmore. I still regret replacing ours with GE.