Sunday, February 28, 2016

Stacy No Fan of Taylor Swift

Totally anecdotal, but I’ve noticed that no matter how many times I visit wattsupwiththat.com, Google Now never puts anything from that site into my “stories to read.” Contrast that to I once clicked on a story about Taylor Swift because my daughter is a huge fan and now she is in my feed constantly. Also, Salon, Slate and Huffpo are always there in abundance even though I never click them.
Also notably absent despite multiple daily visits: theothermccain.

I would like to remind visitors to read this scary article on how Google and Facebook may be, and almost certainly are, affecting our politics and the next election: The new mind control.

Fear and Loathing in the Information Age, so to speak. The whole world has gone crazy, I’m the subject of international news, and Google is conspiring to keep people from reading my blog. This makes perfect sense in 2016, you see, that someone like me would become a First Amendment cause célèbre, a 21st-century Dreyfuss. Was this my career goal when I was a long-haired rock-and-roll freak circa 1983? Of course not. Nobody could ever possibly plan anything as crazy as my life, even if they wanted to, which no sane person ever would. So while the #FreeStacy hashtag campaign continues, I have had some communications with leading legal minds who have become interested in the free-speech issues involved. I’m not the litigious sort, you understand, but some of my lawyer friends are the type who would be happy to go to federal court to seek an emergency restraining order first thing Monday morning, if I just gave the word. But that’s not how I roll. My correspondence with Bert the Samoan Lawyer was just two old college buddies talking. Here’s what I replied:

Well, my Samoan friend, did you ever think back in the day that my gonzo methods would have such consequences as this? As I told my kids, “Congratulations, your Dad is a hashtag.” Of course, the #FreeStacy hashtag won’t autocomplete — although the bogus misspelled version does. No “e” in Stacy, as you know, and “blah blah girl’s name blah blah,” said every idiot who wanted to start a fight on the elementary school playground. When the going gets weird, the weirdos get me banned from Twitter.
Do I want to describe my experiences with Google? Not in writing. The NSA and DHS will have to monitor my phone calls if they want that information. Nixon was a piker compared to these Obama goons, and I’ll bet you $20 Sidney Blumenthal has Jack Dorsey on speed-dial.
Face it, Bert, we live in an Age of Fear and, as a concerned father myself, I have to warn you that Taylor Swift is down for The Agenda. Every feminist on Tumblr is certain that Taylor is dating lesbian supermodel Karlie Kloss. As a Neutral Objective Journalist, of course, I’d have to see video proof before I’d believe that bizarre rumor, but if Cara Delevingne can be gay, everybody is gay, and in 2016, any self-respecting feminist would be embarrassed to admit she is heterosexual. These young fellows can’t get their mojo working and, therefore, phallocentric domination is in a steep decline. Oh, what wonderful jargon! But I digress . . .

Hold on a minute. Taylor Swift is a lesbian? Maybe? Well, there sure a lot of photos with Taylor and Karlie together; not that there's anything wrong with that. It looks like they could wear the same clothes.

If your daughter is a Taylor Swift fan, you may need to intervene, Bert. A sort of “tough love” approach is recommended. Seize her laptop and cellphone and demand passwords for every app she’s got. And if she’s on Tumblr? Bad news, pal — no grandkids for you. Tumblr might as well be called the Crazy Cat Lady Training Academy. Every teenage girl on Tumblr has a mental illness (anxiety, depression, PTSD) and is either a pansexual genderqueer or a nonbinary lesbian. Dye your hair green, pierce your nose, get more tattoos than a sailor and tell your Mom that your pronouns are “xe” and “xer.” This is what it means to be a feminist in 2016, a dystopian nightmare meets pornographic fantasy. If Orwell were writing “1984” now, it would begin: “Dear Penthouse Forum …”

2 comments:

I think things have gotten severely f'd up when two people of the same sex can't hang out and be friends without all kinds of deranged fanboys and fangirls insisting that they HAVE to be lesbians or gays or Apple users (NTTAWWT) because reasons! I'd prefer to extend the young ladies the benefit of the doubt, myself.