Connect

Got a Love Question?

Sign up to get free weekly love tips

The real reason you freeze up in front of men you like.

I really want to up the ante and give you some actionable advice to roll into the new year because you have a busy schedule, a demanding career, and a full life – you don’t have time for the same old dating advice.

That’s why you decided to join me in the first place, right?

I can’t wait to share all this juicy insight with you. So lets get into it!

We’re starting today with this question from Margaret and I know you’ll resonate with this:

Hi Kavita,

I’m freaking out. I finally came across a man I was actually interested in the other night at a party. Basically, he was gorgeous, successful, and at my level. I was stunned. I froze. And it felt like I said a lot of stuff that I’m not even sure made sense.

Needless to say, he didn’t ask for my number.

WHAT can I do so this doesn’t happen to me again??? I want to be prepared.

Let me put it this way, I feel like dating is different for me than other women. I don’t have time to date the wrong men. I need a man that is as driven, smart, and successful as I am.

Someone who knows what he wants for himself and isn’t afraid to have a woman that is the same way.

I feel like these men are few and far between. When I do find one like this again, I need to know what to do to grab his interest.

Any advice?

-Margaret

Okay first of all I LOVE Margaret’s honesty here. Have you ever experienced this?

I know when I was single I had the exact same sentiment. I was like, “He isn’t smart enough, not cute enough, not accomplished enough”. I wanted the guy that was going to rock my world, and I felt like that rarely happened.

And if I did meet a man that felt exciting to me and I let the opportunity pass, I felt like I just missed out on something big.

I know Margaret’s question is, “WHAT can I do so this doesn’t happen to me again?” but instead of immediately answering that, I want to talk about what she is really feeling which is, “I’m different and meeting men I’m actually interested in is hard.”

Here are my insights into what is causing her to freeze up, so you can learn what to do in this same situation. I know you have experienced this.

Insight #1:

Feeling Different.

When we say dating is different for us what we really mean is, “I feel like I require more than the average woman and I don’t know if anybody can handle that”. And as soon as you feel that, guess what happens? You freeze up.

So, in order to feel way more natural with this man that excites you, it requires a mindset shift to: “I deserve someone that is willing to accept all of me.”

Simple yet profound, can you feel the relief in saying that to yourself already?

But now you’re probably thinking, “I know I deserve that, but is he even out there?” and that brings us insight #2.

Insight #2:

Men I am interested in are rare.

When you walk around with the mindset that high-quality men are few and far between and then meet a man who peaks your interest, you freeze up right then and there just like Margaret did. It’s like, “Holy Crap, I’m never attracted to someone in this way so I HAVE to lock him in”.

If we can shift this mindset from “I rarely meet men I’m interested in” to “I can meet men I’m interested in everywhere I go” – that moment when you meet that man feels lighter.

You will show up more present and engaged.

Essentially, when you own that you are totally allowed to want what you want and that there are men that want a woman like you everywhere, it will start to feel natural for you to show up and connect with men you really like.

You can see that if I just gave you a rule in this situation like “take a deep breath and write your phone number down on a napkin and hand it to him” that you could do that.

But the reality is there’s so much more exchanged when meeting a man energetically that will get him to really follow through or not.

I want you to understand that these situations are a culmination of what you have been thinking and feeling about love, yourself, and the situations you have been through in the past.

I want to help you see what it REALLY takes to make a lasting impression, and that’s what my Love Class is for.

Until then, I would love to know about your experiences interacting with men you’re into. Have you found a trick to releasing some of the anxiety around the interaction? Is there something specific you’d like more of my help with? Let me know in the comments on this page.