“It has come to our attention that one of our patients has abused his online privileges. Mr. Alex Jones was able to gain access to our internet directly after the tragic bombings at the Boston Marathon yesterday and said some terrible and untrue things. We are working diligently to combat Mr. Jones’ acute paranoia and obsessive compulsivity to link all tragedy to the United States government. Please accept our sincerest apologies as we try to better keep track and monitor Mr. Jones’ internet access.”

Free Wood Post has learned that Jones is currently sedated and resting comfortably. The hospital still allows Jones to broadcast his show from the basement, but would also like the public to know that any and all television, radio, and online activity from Alex Jones is not to be taken seriously and should be disregarded immediately.