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Just Thinking - a free verse poem

I was thinking that if I were standingIn the middle of a crowdAnd you were looking for meYou'd be blinded by the noiseAnd by the soundEven if I shouted and Tried to be clearYou wouldn't hear meYou'd still be thereAnd I'd be hereThe sky above is blueAnd the grass below is greenBut those distinctive colors are blockedBy the air that's in betweenIt's brown and muddy foggyThat's why we lose our wayAnd can't find all that we're looking forThe songs to sing and words to sayAnd in the millions billionsOf people in the worldWhat are the chancesOf picking one shy girl?To be the leaderPerson speakerThat can command attentionThere's no reason I'd be pickedEven if, I'd hand in my rejectionI don't want to be a greatOr anybody bigger than pencil on a slateThings make their own worthThey can decide their own weightI don't choose to make decisionsI'd just make fumbles, collisionsIn my mind I'm even tinierThan you can seeIf I was picked to be a greaterOut of all, meI'd give it up to someone elseI'm not meantI'd be bentAnd stuffed inside myselfWhile everybody out thereIsn't ready to face the dayI'm not ready to come all outTo stand up and sayWhat I believeOr how I liveI'm too afraid to walkAnd then on top of thatI'm too afraid to talkBut if I had the timeTo think about it allI don't really have to worryI'm not up against the wallIt's not like I'm some personThat everybody seesI'm not great or even strongJust small, just quiet meBut with that all being saidI've still got things in my headInside this frame is powerAt times hard to seeBut still it's thereQuiet, breathing, dancingEnergyAnd after all of this speculationAbout being picked out of allThe populationSince I know I was alreadyIt's kind of just creativityI don't need to regret the wordsI've said here or spokenBut I can remember themLeave them here as a tokenThat I have a mindAnd it's ready to be usedAnd if needed to be fusedWith other minds that are just as greatAs I pretend to beOr know that I amInside alreadyAnd I give myself upTo the endLetting goThe need to knowAnd sitting backJust free

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I am a writer. The best word to describe me might be impulsive. I'm a talkative introvert who loves people even though they scare me. My idiosyncrasies include but are not limited to: talking to invisible characters, roleplaying my own stories as a form of editing, listen to music in a language I don't understand, drinking coffee late at night, waxing poetic about pretty much anything, and never reading or writing one thing at a time.