Another Brick out of the Wall (Part 2)

Sunday, 28 June 2009

21:57

So much to write. Ok, so after the successful restaurant meal and successful sleep in the successful hotel, we successfully failed to get up early. Which isn’t all bad. We planned to go to Oxford Street to do a bit of shopping. I say we agreed, it was more me telling Sarah and her putting up with it. Considering she’s not really a fan of crowds, Oxford Street on a Saturday in the weekend of The Queen’s official birthday celebrations may not have been such a good idea. But I didn’t know it was going to be as bad as it was, and for that I apologise Sarah. But it was also a very daunting challenge for me as well. Everything that happened the day before was definitely making me feel more confident, but it didn’t really prepare me for the sheer mass of people that is Oxford Street on a Saturday.

I wore the same outfit I wore when I ventured out the first time the day before, as I did feel comfortable in it, and it was an outfit that seemed to allow me to pass. That is despite the fact I brought half my wardrobe. Pretty much a waste of time and effort looking back. Ah well.

But it was a pretty good day shopping all in all. I did buy quite a lot, not loads, but more than I would’ve bought sitting at home. A lot of it was accessories for the evening outfit I had planned, and I also bought a couple of pairs of shoes for kicks (not a pun). We had a meal at a nice little café/bar thing just off the main strip and it was really nice, all the while my confidence was building. I didn’t seem to be getting too many odd stares. I think my main problem was the fact I wasn’t smiling, or at least that’s what Sarah told me. I personally don’t think I look as passable when I smile. It’s sad I know, but I do think that. I love smiling as well, I spend at least two hours a day smiling. Not all at once that is, that would just be weird. Oh and that doesn’t count all the fake smiling that I have to provide when on a till at work. Anyway, once Sarah told me that, I did try to look a little bit more like I wasn’t planning my own death, and I still didn’t seem to get any funny looks, so that’s good.

My other problem was my voice. It just doesn’t work very well as a feminine voice. I tried, and I honestly don’t know if it worked or not, but I didn’t need to say anything much anyway. We did get attacked by two old women bearing flowers made of tissue paper and foil and asking for money. It was something about religion probably. But one of them tried talking to me and I really wasn’t having it. Sarah covered for me pretty well but when they asked for a few pounds I knew I didn’t have change, only notes, the smallest being a ten. So I said “ten” to Sarah as softly as I could, expecting change and didn’t get it. Daylight robbery I say. On the plus side though, they were very friendly after that, blessed us both and even gave us an extra tin foil tissue paper flower. Friggin’ extraordinary.

Anyway, the day shopping was great. The journey on the tube back, though, was not. In a scene similar to this, we were crammed into the carriages with little regard to personal space or even health. I figured if anyone was going to say anything or give me funny looks it would be in the intimacy of the tube, but no, I seemed to be alright. Sure it wasn’t comfortable, but that experience made me more confident again.

So I was feeling pretty good about going to the Way Out Club. I was a little nervous for some reason, but it was much overruled by excitement. I will post some pictures of me wearing the outfit I wore, but I haven’t taken any yet. I’ve got a couple from the night, but they’re not fantastic. I might post a couple of them. But not today, I have a lot of catching up to do in the photos respect.

We weren’t far away from the club, and thanks to Google Street View, the walk felt a lot like déjà vu. We got there, I got pretty drunk and we had a good night, unfortunately there’s not a whole lot to say about most of it. What I will say though, is that we met some people in there that actually live in the same city as me and Sarah, and not only that, they run a Trans night in a pub no more than 250 metres away from our flat. How weird is that?! It’s said a lot, but it’s a small world isn’t it?! So I’ll definitely be up for going there one coming Thursday. It’s just a shame that it’s a night that a lot of my friends already go out on, and the Trans night is only once every fortnight, so it might be a little difficult to get to. It’s also a little more daunting to go out in the city you live in dressed as the opposite sex. I, being the magnificently popular person I am, have lots of friends that live, work or socialise in the general area and I don’t really fancy them meeting me without them knowing it’s me. It should be alright though, because most of those friends are imaginary and I am about as far from being magnificently popular as a duck is from Uranus. (And please don’t try and make a bestiality joke out of that. I know I served it to you on a silver platter but it doesn’t mean you have to stick up there.)

Oh also, a couple of people at the club recognised me from here, Flickr or YouTube, which was quite nice. One girl even went as far to say that I was famous, but seen as she was only one of two people that recognised me, I will disregard that comment after the flattery has worn off.

So there we go. We had a great weekend, not a whole lot went wrong, and that whole cliff-hanger thing was a complete lie. I wish I had the time and energy to write about everything I did today, but lets just say this: If you live in the local area, you may see me in the paper tomorrow. *wink*

Now that’s a good note to end on. What could it be, what did I do?! Well you’ll just have to wait and see…

Anyway, sounds like you had alot of fun, so that’s all that matters. It is funny about the Club being so close to your flat: I bet none of the patrons new that “Famous Ella” lived so close to their hang out either! 😉

So anything that could go wrong. . . didn’t 😀
I’m glad all went well and what a discovery! Not only can you be you much closer to home than you thought but there are clearly more people in your locale with the same fears and hopes than you thought. Don’t you just wonder who else you know who may have been hiding who they really are?
Just think next time you walk past that 16 stone labourer who wolf whistles all the girls just as his mates do. . . just think. . . but to know, you need to summon a Thursday and then, a month, 2 months, a year, when you feel ready. . . you can take all your friends to a trans night on your own doorstep. 🙂 You’ve sent me off to work with a smile. I hope all goes forth as well as it has thus far.
Take care and be well.

You’ve only just been out for the first few times. Confidence in who you are is really key. On the other hand, a mis-matched voice can get you clocked no matter how good you look. For help with your voice you might want to check out the Yahoo group: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/voicets/
They have lots of good suggestions on how to find your female voice, and lots of examples as well. The group is very supportive and there is a live chat session every other week, with European participation on a routine basis.
Take care.

Its so great the even though the world is a big place is yet very small the thought that a good number of people you did not know knew you! 🙂 You were destined to be who you are Ella! Continue having fun and whatnot that you deserved in life! =]

I finally finished your diary and I quite impressed by the last two entries. It sounds like it was both fun and a turning point for you (at least I hope so). I can’t wait to see the pictures of the outfit you wore.

I’m a little concerned that you haven’t posted anything in over a month now. I’m hoping this is because you are feeling good and enjoying life much better now and don’t need to release your negative feelings as much. Please let us know what’s going on either way.

I’ve done two things that I found from your site. First I took the COGIATI test with a rather interesting result. I realize the test isn’t scientifically proven but my results seem to fit and kind of opened my eyes to some things about me.

Second, I started playing Second Life and I’m enjoying it very much. If you play at all I’d love to meet up on the grid but that might be difficult since we’re 8 hours apart! 🙂

If you are open to it, I’d really like to correspond with you. I’d love to hear what’s going on and what the UK is like. I can tell you about things here in Los Angeles. I know probably everyone on your site wants to email you but if you have a little time, drop me a note. I’m not looking for ‘cyber’ or anything like that, just someone to chat with.

First saw you on you tube but since seen your blog and after reading through it i’ve laughed and cried, it’s very well written. You should think about publishing it in hard back. It seems you have enough of a following already to make it worth while.

Also i’d like to say you’re very brave and I hope things go well for you.