Seth Sucks Cat

By Seth Kabala

When you see humor in your humor, is it a sign of conceit, all-around brilliance, or incredible Sucksville residency?

I write most posts on my Word Press Android app, and I discovered if I create categories on the phone that already existed in the full-fledged app, the phone categories show up in the full-fledged app as duplicates, messing up my categorizationighziganoling (Seth word).

So I quit creating categories on the phone and instead put brackets around the category to which I’ll assign a post once it’s uploaded. Assuming you’re circling the boredom drain, so let’s move on.

Following my bracketing of a post into the Seth Sucks category, I tried to save one nanosecond and wrote “cat” instead of “category.”

I stared at this abbreviation for a few seconds, evaluating what my brain knew was wrong but hadn’t communicated to my consciousness, like evaluating a televangelist’s smile. You know something’s wrong. It’ll just take a while for the smile to be deciphered to mean: “I fuck prostitutes. But we read the Bible afterward, so.”

Consciousness informed, I laughed and thought about the implications of “Seth Sucks Cat.”

For starters, DCFS would take my children and probably wipe their memories. On the other hand, if my sucking of a cat was upon its roasted remains following its demise, grill-prep, and bbq slow low heat smoking (hey, it’s legal–in some countries), I might become a cult leader and get a reality show. Keeping up with the Kat Krucifier or something or other.

Relax. I’m not gonna eat a cat. I’m content to glare at them in mutual disdain.