I was awaken abruptly in my sleep. I had to wake myself from the nightmare I was having. I was running in a dark cave tunnel, it was very hot, and you could see the flames at the back of the tunnel. There were voices talking, and voices laughing. I could feel something else behind me, chasing me, and it had reached out and touched me. When I felt it touch my back it made me run that much harder. My body was drenched with sweat! I had on white dress that clung to my body, I had to lift it up to run. I was barefoot running and I was running over pebbles and there was something stuck in my right foot. And I had pushed it deeper in my foot. The pain was agony! I could literally feel the blood oozing from the bottom of my foot. My heart beating fast, my mouth dry; I was scared and frightened beyond words.

When I awoke myself, I was out of breath, heart beating erratic, and drenched!! I sat up looking around my room, eyes wide trying to stabilize my heartbeat. And calm myself to say that it was only a dream. Once I shortly got myself together. I turned on my lamp stripped my bed of all sheets and blankets. They were covered with my sweat! I took the wet bedding to my laundry room and I started the washer for the bedding. And I would take my comforter to the cleaners tomorrow. I reached up in the cabinet of my washer and dryer and grabbed some clean and fresh linen. I went back to my room made my bed and grabbed another comforter and stripped my wet night gown of my body.

I started the shower and as I stood under the pulsating water. I kept having replays of my dream in my head. I am one of those that believe you have dreams for a reason. They are subliminal messages. They tell you what is also in the subconscious and your worries.

When I finished the shower I threw on a big loose fitting T-Shirt. I grabbed my laptop and turned it out. Once it warmed up I pulled up a browser and went to a website that told you about your dreams. I found so many things I was doing in my dream I was running, scared, and sweating. So this is what I found when I went online ad checked it out.

Sweat

To dream that you are sweating, suggests that you are experiencing some overwhelming anxiety, stress, fear, or nervousness in your life. This dream may serve to remind you that in order to achieve success, you need to endure the struggle and efforts that go along with success. Alternatively, it may signify a kind of cleansing or ridding of bad karma. You may be going through an emotional cool-off period.

Running

To dream that you are running away from someone, indicates an issue that you are trying to avoid. You are not taking or accepting responsibility for your actions. In particular, if you are running from an attacker or any danger, then it suggests that you are not facing and confronting your fears.

Scared

To dream that you are scared, indicates that you are experiencing self-doubt and feelings of incompetence. You may be feeling a lack of control. Anger often masquerades as fear, so also consider issues about which you are angry about in your waking life.

All this made a lot of sense to me. I was going through a lot, and I felt consumed and over my head with a lot of things. And I knew exactly what and who the person was in my life causing so much anxiety, fear, anger and my avoidance. All of that and more! It was Frederick Ronnie Mc Millian. Whom we all called Freddy and from the moment I had made his acquaintance I knew that this was trouble, this was more than I think I could handle.

BACK IN TIME

I was at an after work social. My company and three others were to attend this bash. Shannon Doha’s This huge restaurant located in he upper west end of the city. This was the place to be! When I say this place was huge I mean it was huge! Shannon Doha’s quickly made a name for itself. They had one huge area for their lounge and bar. Another separate place for their dining. Upstairs was a sushi and seafood bar, complete with lounge and bar in the rear of the building downstairs. The food was to die for and the drinks were tastefully exquisite! I had been here more than a few times. The who of who comes here those who want to rub and dine with big money, middle money, corporate and working class all mingled here. Nice.

So my company Berth & Roach’s along with the three other companies had closed it down to the public and it was only open for us. You had to have your invite from the company to enter. This was a meet and greet for the companies doing business in the future. Sort of like a merger. So we all walked around with our companies name, our name, and our job title on a name tag.

I was approached by so many people; and there were some serious looking men in the room too! That was a plus for me and I am sure all the others; men and women in attendence. Because we all walked and talked with smiles on our faces and drinks in our hands. Due to this was an open bar and food of your choice no matter what it was would be taken care of . I loved when we had gatherings like these.

I was flirted with and had flirted with a few men there. We all of course exchanged cards, which I am sure that I was not the only woman they had flirted with. Just like I didn't settle in talking and exchanging my card with one man.

Then I saw him at the bar, he looked me straight in the eyes. And I could not look away it was like his gaze and mine had stuck. My heart had sped up a bit, he smiled and took a sip of his martini. I felt a strange yet electric vibe from him. And when the bartender had interrupted our stare by speaking to him. That is when I had walked to the restroom.

When I finished washing my hands, I touched my make-up up. Reached in my bag and grabbed my small body spray, and gave myself a quick spruce up. When I walked out of the door there he was! Leaning against the wall waiting for me. I was past surprised I looked at him from head to toe; He was impeccably dressed and I could slightly smell his cologne from where I stood. It was citrus‘. He was handsome but normally a man that I would not be attracted to. When he opened his mouth to speak it seemed as if his voice flowed from rivers and oceans deep.

"Hello. Of course we locked eyes. And we seemed to have been stuck. I can not ignore the kinetic energy we shared. My name is Frederick Ronnie Mc Millian. But please call me Freddy. I must admit there are a lot of beautiful women here. But I must say that your beauty is absolutely stunning. And your sexual appetite is quite ravishing. I can tell that we will be more than happy with one another." Did I just hear him right? Did he just say?.....Yeah he did. Just as I was about to open my mouth he spoke.I know what I said may have more than offended you. But please understand that I just know what I see and feel. I am not rushing you. First I would like to wine and dine you, Feel you out and get to know you. We play with one another with verbs and nouns." Who spoke like this? Why is he speaking and formulating his words like this? Not that it wasn't nice.....I just never met a man who spoke like this is all.

Fred, Freddy, whatever had apologized. Asked me to dinner and for whatever reason I was like a magnet to him. I could not walk away or move away. I felt as if my soul was in his hand.

We ate, talked, and he was extremely magnificent man. Glorious and wonderful, the wit and charm of a Don Juan. He was the epitome of cool. Fred and I spent the rest of the evening together. When it got late and I had to leave he made sure that I would be okay driving. Invited me out the next day to his home. There was a bar-b-que his friends and he were giving. And I graciously accepted his invitation.

When I was in my car driving I was now shaken. And I was recalling all the things that Fred had told me tonight. I was all caught up with his words and his vibe and then it was when it hit me. Leave him alone!! Run girl! And just as I was saying that I was gong to call and cancel for tomorrow my cell phone had rung.

"Are you close to home? Are have you already arrived home?" How sweet I thought quickly entered my brain.

"I am not far from home."

"Good. I will call you in the morning and give you all the detailed information of the bar-b-que. Sleep tight princess." And he hung up and my breath was taken away.

I got up around ten a.m. and grabbed my remote and turned the TV on. I was planning to lay in bed for as long as I could. Enjoy my new bed and my new flat screen TV mounted on my wall.

So I got up out of bed, made coffee, sliced strawberries and had a croissant roll on a plate with some butter. I put it all on a tray with a glass of cold water and took it to my room. I had turned all phones off. I was not quite ready to talk and deal with the world just as of yet.

I watched TV, browsed the internet and bought a couple of things from two of my favorite stores. Sent my family and long distance friends an email and some updated pics of myself. I shut my computer down and laid back deep into my pillows. Then there was a knock on my door. When I got up and walked to my door I saw a florist outside my door. What was this bout?

"Yes?"

"Ms. Walton?"

"Yes."

"I have a floral delivery for you. Could you please sign here."

And he handed me the pen and I signed on his clipboard. I handed it back to him and he handed me flowers. Whoever sent these had to spent a good sixty to seventy dollars on these. It was bigger than Ms. Americas flowers when she recieved her crown and walked the runway! I walked into my kitchen and I had reached up in my cupboard and retrieved a crystal vase. I ran some cold water and the flower food I poured into the vase, then put the flowers inside and arranged them. They were beautiful and I had an idea of who sent them. Had to be Paul he was always doing things like this for me. But when I opened the card they were not from him.

"To the prettiest lady in the room. Please enjoy. And I look forward to seeing you later.”

Fred

What? How did this man get my home address? And why did he?... I was starting to get a bit irritated. I mean it was like he was stalking me!! And this made me truly uncomfortable. I was going to go to the gathering I just wanted to lay in bed in peace. I wanted to enjoy my Saturday morning by laying up I don’t get to do that that often. I am always running errands of some sort. But because this was a three day weekend for me. I thought that I would kick back and be relaxed. And I feel as if he took that away from me. Don’t get me wrong the flowers were beautiful and the thought was nice. But I feel as if he is moving a bit too fast for me.

I went back into my bedroom I shook off all the negative energy I was having. And I then proceeded to channel surf and do me. I would call when I would call, because I was leaving all forms of communication off. I felt I had to no telling how many times this character has called me!

I had drifted off and when I finally woke up it was 2:00 p.m. So I stretched got up and made my bed. Straightened up my room and then took a shower. I grabbed my rustic jeans out of the closet. The pair that has holes in the knees and shredded at the bottom of the hem perfectly. I then grabbed a white shirt from my closet. I had this great belt I had been wanting to wear for a long time. The buckle was shaped like a mic and had rhinestones all over it. I then pulled out my black six inch slip ons that had rhinestones on the top. I lotionen up, sprit zed, hair, make-up and I was ready!

When I did turn my cell on the instant notification came on to let me know I had voicemails and text messages. And there were quite a few; I seen two text messages from Fred, well I assumed they were him. Because there was no name attached to the number. I opened those two up and sure enough it was him. He wished me a good morning and then in the second text asked me did I receive the flowers. I shook my head. He was a bit forceful wasn’t he? When I checked my voicemail he had left a message giving me the address to where the bar-b-que was. I returned all my text messages and voice messages.

I knew exactly where the party was being held at. Or knew the area I should say. So when I got in my car I went over to Trader Joe’s and picked up two nice bottles of wine to take over there with me because I did not want to go empty handed. Besides I hadn’t planned on staying long I had a date with one of the guys I had met at the meet and greet last night. And I could only be there for a few hours two to three at the most.

When I arrived the street was lined with cars. I had to drive to the next block to get a park. I grabbed the wine and started walking to the address and I could smell the que cooking! It smelled great! I could hear all the guest voices coming from the back and when I reached the front door there was a cute little poster sign saying, “Please come on in through the side gate” and there was an arrow pointing to where the gate was.

I had always loved this side of town it was absolutely beautiful historic area. And all of the houses were huge and roomy. I had started to buy a home over here however when I was shown my place, I fell I in love with it. Now the property value has increased over here. You buy a home here now and you are speaking of $500,000 and up. Depending on what the home owner has done to increase the property value on the inside with renovations.

The backyard was packed with guests! There were patio chairs, tables with the canvas umbrellas over it. Lounge chairs, and the pool had some children in it. I walked over to a man that was behind the grill.

“Hi, my name is Morgan Walton. I was invited by Fred.” He smiled.

“Yeah, Fred told me you would be coming. He is in the sunroom you can just walk in.”

“Thank you.”

“No problem. Oh and my name is Joseph Washington. I am his best friend.” We shook hands.

“Nice meeting you Joseph.”

“The pleasure was mine.” I then walked over to the sunroom. And what a sunroom it was. It had a pool table, bar, dining area, arcade games, and a huge flat screen TV on the wall. Fred and some other gentleman were sitting on a comfy sofa playing PS3. They were really into it. I shook my head and smiled.

“Hey Fred. How you doing?” He turned to me and the biggest smile appeared on his face.

“Hey beautiful! Put it on pause for a minute Larry. I am still going to defeat you. He got up and walked to me and we hugged each other. The hug he gave me left a warm feeling. And the kiss he placed on my cheek left me with chills. Damn.

“Larry this is Morgan Walton, the beautiful lady I told you I had invited to our swaree this afternoon.” He stood up.

“Nice to meet you.” And we shook hands.

“Same here. I brought some wine. You might want to take this from me so that it doesn’t lose what chill it has.” He took the bag from me. And I had to shake myself from the heat and chill he had caused my body. Who was this man? And why when I was around him I felt this way?

“Jody!”

“Yeah”

“Would you please give Morgan a tour of the place. Show her where everything is. Make her a drink. It will not take me long to beat your boy.” She laughed.

“No problem. Morgan I’m Jody. And as you already know Larry, that is my husband. And he is best friends with Freddy. Well follow me”

“This is a beautiful home. I started to move in this area. If I would of seen this one I would not have purchased my place.”

“It is lovely. This is Fred’s house.”

“Really? I thought it was a friend of his.”

“Nope. This is all of him. He lives in a lap of luxury. We all live in the area. When he bought his home here. He told all of his frat brothers how the homes looked and what they cost. And when we saw the houses, we were convinced to buy in the neighborhood. It is about ten of the frat brothers that stay in the surrounding area.”

“Wow. Nice.”

Jody showed me this mini mansion which was simply gorgeous! And then she took me outside to the bar and I was made a strawberry coconut margarita! The best one I have ever had! Fred’s backyard was packed with guest. I had found out that it was him and three of his frat brothers that were throwing this party. And that they all were very close and had a die heart love for one another which I had admired. Everyone had only nice things to day about Fred. And the mood was light and happy. I loved that.

When Fred had finished his game he had walked over to me and reached for my hand.

“Will you take a walk with me?”

“Sure.” We left the backyard and went out the side gate and walked the neighborhood.

“So how are you enjoying yourself so far?”

“I am having a great time thank you. Your friends were keeping me entertained and making sure I was comfy.”

“Good.”

“Nice home Fred.”

“Thank you. I worked hard enough on it. It took me a year to get it the way I wanted. But it was worth it.”

“It really is.”

“Look Morgan. I wanted to apologize to you. I get the feeling that I have been coming on too strong. And I am just aggressive like that. I spoke to your CFO at the meet and greet. I asked him would he do me a favor. And that was to send some flowers to your home. I in turn called him this morning gave him my credit card info. Told him what the name of the company I was having flowers sent from and the bouquet I wanted. And just like that you had your flowers. No one gave me your address.”

“That is a relief. I’m going to strangle Harvey when I see him.” We both chuckled

“I am really enjoying your energy, it is one that I can grow to love. I know this.”

“How do you know? And…..”

“I just know.”

“So what is it that you do?”

“I am the co-founder and CEO of Hart & Mc Millian Enterprises.”

“I didn’t even put two and two together. I feel so silly.”

“No need to be.”

We talked and walked. Walked and talked. And it was then that I was now more comfortable with Fred. I understood him fully. And I kept getting these warm surges over my body when he would lightly touch me. It was electric! We held hands on the way back to his house.

When we got back they were playing cards, twister, jingo, and dancing! The cheer was definitely in the air. The food was immaculate! And I met some nice people and networked with a lot of people. I met clothing designers, architects and so many others in various fields. But it was getting close to me leaving. So I had Fred walk me to my car, and the kiss he had given me almost had me faint! Can you believe it? I was straight weak in the knees.

Later on when I was on my date……I could only think of him…………..

WE GET DEEP….

Fred and I had had now began to spend a lot of time together. I was consumed with Fred. I could hardly wait to see him, talk to him, get an email, or a text message from him. I was engrossed with him. Totally.

The first time we made love I felt as if my body was taken in some sort of rapture. My legs shook, I cried, I was twisted up in his power. He could have me and anything he wanted from me. I knew this and I couldn’t shake the marvelous feeling he gave me. He spoiled me, loved me, had my back in anything that I wanted to do. He helped me with my side business and it startes getting extremely lucrative in various areas for me fast! I couldn't believe it and it was simple things he had done and told me to do. Plus the fact that he had sent a lot of people my way.

The down side of this was when I wanted to spend time with family and friends Fred would wig out! Act out! And this would make me feel bad. And so this is how it begun, he was just about everywhere I was. My family was charmed with him and my friends loved him. That is until my best friend Carrie had met him. She was not fooled by his charm at all!

“Morgan. There is something not quite right about Fred. I mean he has this hold on you. And you can’t shake it. As soon as you say his name he calls you. I mean what type of man falls out when you want to be alone with your friends and family?”

I had thought on this deeply and she was right. Two days later there was a delivery of a book she had sent to my house. It was called “Vampires” The cover looked so gothic and unreal that I was afraid to open and read it. So it sat on my bookshelf for months. That is while I was in the web of Fred.

It was one evening after Fred and I had made love. We had a four hour session. Really we did, and my phone had rung as we had taken a water break. I was pouring us some cool glasses of water and the call was from my mother telling me my father had went into the hospital. He had a heart attack. I instantly stared crying. I ran into the room, Fred saw the tears on my face and I was explaining what had happened. That I had to leave and go to my dad. Fred held me in his arms and rocked me. He then ran my shower water and stated he was coming with me. I didn’t fight him on it.

Once we got to the hospital and saw my dad and all my other family there. Is when I had noticed it. That Fred was more than clingy. Now my dad is doing well thank God! But when I got some ME time and Fred had to go to a meeting. I sat in my office and grabbed that book and read it. It was nothing of what I thought it would be. It was how you can invite people into your lives and they drain you. There are different types of vampires; sexual, mental and emotional. It spoke on how there are emotional vampires that come along and drain you of your energy. They are whinny, complaining, and when you see them your body reacts “what now” Some emotional vampires drain you with their negative energy because there is always some sort of drama or some issue, that is at least for them it is. They argue and keep up a mess. And they can leave you with your body hurting, aching, and headaches.

As I read more and more I knew this is what Fred was. Fred was a sexual vampire! He knew exactly what to say and what to do and how to make me feel sexually. And he always took mine leaving me drained and with no ebergy every time we had sex. His sexual energy was dark and deep. When he looked at me, touched me and kissed me I was in a trance. This may sound weird to you but it was beginning to making sense to me. Fred was making my life his. And so what I did was put this to the test just to see if I was wigging out or not. I was going to test the theory of the book, I wanted to know if it was me that was caught up and if it was Fred that had me in a perplexed state of confusion. And I was betwixt in some emotional and mental warfare with Fred. When I was not with him I seen how he took up all of my time. How he always had to touch me, kiss me, make love to me. And that had pulled me deeper and deeper into his web. And it was like when he looked me deep into the eyes I was hypnotized in some way.

As much as my body craved Fred as much as I wanted Fred, I had to give myself some space from Fred. So what I did was send him an email and told him I had an emergency I had to deal with and I had to leave town for a few days. I packed a bag and I checked myself in a hotel. I drove three hours out of the city so that I wasn't telling a lie that I had to leave town. I had even told him I would be in meeting after meeting and that I would contact him the following day in the evening when I had gotten a break.

By the time I had turned my phone on after I checked into the hotel. Fred had left message after message, text after text. And now it was scary! He was asking me why had I not told him earlier so he could have ciome with me. Why did I do this and wait so late, and call him ASAP! This was a problem a huge problem! Not only was he a sexual vampire, which I was now convinced of. But an emotional and mental one as well. There is a big difference when your nose is wide open for someone and you are so twisted you do crazy things for an individual. However when I was not with Fred at times I was okay, i didn't feel that pulling. And I seriously doubted that Fred Was strung out twisted stupid over me. I just was a victim of his and that is why he said what he said the first night we met.

I had sent Fred an email and told him I had received the text messages and voicemail messages. And why do I have to let him know my every move. Why does he have to go everywhere I go? Why do I have to check in all the time? I am a grown woman and there are things and times where I need to handle things by myself and spend time with my family and friends alone. And that I had been neglecting many things being with him and spending an excessive amount of my personal business and private time. As I was looking back on our relationship Fred never gave me the chance to know if I was overwhelemed or not. He knew exactly what to say and do to me all the time! I was caught in a tight web...........

I had called my best friend Carrie and told her I had finally read the book. And all the things that had happened to me with Fred and how a lot of the things the book described were all of the same exact things Fred was doing and had done to me! My eyes were now open to what type of man Fred really was. She was glad of course that I had awaken from this hypnotized daze I was in over Fred. And so was I, but it was not like I wasn’t warned from my inner being.

When I made it back home, you guessed it! Fred was sitting in his car in front of my house. He jumped out of the car and grabbed my luggage. Kissed me on the lips I kissed him quickly. I made sure it was no long and a deep kiss. I was mad that he was waiting in front of my house; I was also mad at myself that I had told him when I would be home. This four day vacate from Fred had left me emotionally and mentally drained to where I was physically tired. I looked tired and drained; The first thing Fred wanted to do was make love to me I refused saying I was very tired and needed a rain check. So he suggested that I take a nap and he would wait till I was refreshed and rested and we could spend some time together. I had refused his offer. And asked him if he could leave and I would call him later. This did not go over well with him at all I could tell he knew he was losing his edge over me. This was not well received.

I had to break free from him. I had to! This was a serious matter. Because if I was around Fred for any length of time I fell into his trap of words, his gaze and the mind tricks he played. The sexual overtures he gave me. I was gone and this was not me at all!

“Hey can you meet me at Sullivan’s around five this evening? I am starved and I think we need to talk too”

“Sure baby. You don’t want me to come and get you?’“No. I will meet you there.”

“Alright. I will see you at five. Oh, and I have something for you.” He was excited. I wasn’t.

Even though I did the spa thing on my four day retreat. And I slept most days I was feeling the energy from my body depleting. Like I was getting weaker and weaker. And I couldn’t explain why.

I took a hot bath popped some energy vitamins and got dressed. The hot bath relaxed me and vitamins seemed to have perked me up. And just as I had figured Fred was waiting for me at the front door of the restaurant. I had got this funny feeling all over, and the funny feeling I was getting had now settled in the pit of my stomach it didn’t feel good either. I was trying hard to keep myself from being transfixed with Fred. It was like my body was fighting me because I was not giving in to him!

We were shown and seated to a table.

“So why all of this?”

“All of what Fred?”“You not wanting to see me spend time with me go anywhere with me? I don’t get it.”

“Do we have to spend just about every wakening moment together? This is what I wanted to talk to you about. I can not go see my parents, my friends, eat, shop without you. And I am wondering why you have to be in the mix of my activities all of the time. I can tell you where I am and you show up. Why?” I could tell that this was the last question Fred wanted to answer. And was confused as to why I was bringing this up. That loving gaze was turning into hate. And he couldn’t really answer me.

“I love you.”

“I have feelings for you to. But where does this begin and end? I mean I am not accustomed to being around someone so much and now it is wearing me out.”

“So you want me to leave you alone? Is that what you are saying to me? That you don’t want to be with me?”

“Exactly. I can not do this anymore.” When he tried to touch me. I pulled back. When he looked in my eyes i looked away and I saw the waiter coming.

“May I take your order?”

“Yes you may. I will have the lobster and whatever the gentlemen is having. It’s on me.” Fred was infuriated.

“So this is it huh?”

“Unless you are going to back up and give me space, then yes this is it. Can you do that?”

“I don’t want to do that. You are mine, My ……”

“Your what Fred?”

“Fuk it! Have it your way. But you will regret it." And he got up and left.

I stayed and ate my food. I had a good night to myself. But when I got home and went to bed that is when I had the first of many nightmares.

THE FINALE…….THE REAL DEAL….

I had started to suffer in so many areas, first was the sex portion. My body would yell and scream for Fred. I would awake from sleep as if we had made love heavily. And in my dreams I felt his kisses, him inside of me, they way he spoke to me while we made love. It was like my body was having withdrawals of some sort.

I was tired from not enough sleep, so it was at this time that I had decided to take a vacation to get my head right and clear. I kept myself busy with daily activities. Read a lot, hung out with family and friends. And I weaned myself from the nightmares and the torture of the vampire who had come into my life to give me an internal exhaustion. Mentally, sexually, emotionally Fred had me spent!

Now I know this may sound weird to you, but we can meet and deal with people who drain us in many ways. And with Fred it was over the top! I am glad to be back to me, Morgan Walton. Happy care free and loving and doing me to the fullest.

Once I got out of the mental,emotional and sexual web of Fred's. I started going back on casual dates. And it felt good to have regained my life!

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

8/2008

Dedicated: I at first was going to dedicate this to my best friend in NY. But decided not to. He knows that he is not a vampire. However there are many vampires that have attached themselves to him. At various points.

But I want to dedicate this to Matthew, who can’t leave. George who is scared to leave. And to the many men and women who are caught up with a lover or a friend and can’t leave and keep giving excuse to excuse as to why they won’t. I hope you see the light soon.