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My fiancé has pre-wedding jitters. What do I do about a fiancé with cold feet and we’re supposed to be getting married next month? I love him more than anyone in the whole entire world, but his doubting is stressing me out even more. My heart will be broken if he breaks off our engagement. Should we postpone our wedding? I really don’t want to call it off. I love him with my whole heart.

–A.C., Brooklyn, NY

Most major decisions prompt their quota of nervous hesitation, but research shows that it is the subject and source of those doubts that matter and not just the presence of, say, jitters — or a fiancé with cold feet. It’s like any huge decision, it needs to be thought out.

What might be helpful to remember is that studies show that most divorced couples didn’t have doubts about getting married.

We all have high expectations of living happily ever after with a true partner.

At this point in time, aside from talking to a therapist, writing down his doubts about his decision to marry you — instead of only talking to you about his fear and trepidation — could help him develope more confidence in his ability to make such a huge decision.

Doubts don’t usually evaporate, but they can become suppressed and rise to the surface later in life. Writing about his doubts and sharing them with you could help your fiancé understand the identity change that he is going through in becoming your husband.

Pre-wedding cold feet can come from understanding that he is going to have to adapt to the changes in his life that marriage will bring about — with your help.

Try yoga to distress.

At NewportManners we recommend taking the quiz 36 Ways to Know Your Lover. If your fiancé makes it through those 36 questions and still wants to be your life partner, he deserves you.

Go back to the NewportManners Home page and click-on How Tos to find How To Really Know Your Lover.

~Didi

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