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Last week Cody and I announced our amazing news that we are expecting our first baby bean!

It was the day of my girlfriend Kim’s baby shower – the entire day I had felt so sick, tired and dizzy. I went to her shower with my other love, Ashley, by my side, smiled and cooed at all the adorable blankets and stuffies, all the while thinking about the day she would get to hold her baby boy in her arms. She would make an amazing mother, and all these women where there surrounding her and supporting her.

I excused myself early. I was ready for my bed, but had cleaning to do and dinner to make.

As I was preparing dinner, I thought and calculated as to why I would be feeling so crappy…and suddenly it came to my mind…it wasn’t a tumor…It was a little bundle of something growing in my belly slowly exhausting me.

I had planned before how I would tell Cody and suddenly it all melted away, I screamed, cried and jumped up and down, then ran outside to tell Cody the news.

Best. Feeling. Ever.

Cody has always told me he wanted to be a daddy. I remember a conversation when we first moved into our house 5 years earlier about how he could see us having a baby sooner rather than later. I wanted to wait, I wanted to be married and get into the groove of owning a house – but that conversation always stuck in the back of my mind.

To be able to tell him that he was going to be a daddy, and see the excitement flood his eyes will be a memory I forever hold dear.

Now, I am a researcher and I google EVERYTHING – and from previous searches I know that people, doctors, and other baby professionals tell you that you should wait until your 12th week to announce to the world that you are expecting – which I don’t understand.

Well, we didn’t wait. I called my mom and told her to come over. Cody called his dad and told him and then called his mom and told her. We wanted to share our news – and I am so happy we did! My mom has done this before. This will be her 5th pregnancy announcement coming from one of her daughters, but the hug I got was one of the tightest I have ever had. Cody’s mom screamed for joy and still has not stopped telling me how happy she is. I told my sisters right away, because that was one reaction I was BEYOND excited to experience. In our group of friends, we are one of the…actually, we are the last couple to have a baby (2015 will forever be known as the year of love with all the weddings and babies), so we immediately announced to our friends too.

We told our family, and our friends and then when we hit 12 weeks, we announced it to the Facebook world.

The thought behind holding off until the 12th week is because a miscarriage is more common during the first trimester, but for me, I thought if something happens, and this feeling of love and joy (which is also known as nausea) goes away, then I am going to need support. I am going to want to talk about it, I am going to want to try to get through it, and work through it.

Why was I waiting 12 weeks for something bad to happen instead of celebrating something good? The something good right now! I am pregnant! I GOT PREGNANT! Suddenly every neurologist who told me that there was a high chance that this could not happen, it happened. All the doctors appointments and the wishing and waiting – it happened.

This week we announced to Facebook AND I celebrate two years seizure free. I am counting my blessings, and holding my belly tight.

Cody and I are beyond excited to start the next chapter of our life, and we and can’t wait to share our journey with you all!

The Weather Vane Sisterhood is no stranger to mental illness – we have that badge in the bag and we wear it for all to see. We don’t hide our crazy, we advocate.

A little while ago during one of Julia’s bouts of PPD, I was trying to find a way to make her feel more loved, and supported from our family. That is when I came across More Love Letters.

Their mission as it is posted on their website is simple – to make love famous. Imagine going through a rough patch, anything from a sick family member, to depression or PPD if you will. Now imagine while you are going through this tough time getting a flooding of love letters. Letters of encouragement, letters of hope. Just a little note to let you know that you are not going through this alone, and a complete stranger is thinking of you. That is exactly what More Love Letters is.

It is a blog where weekly posts let the anyone who wants to know who they should address love letters to and their background story. You can nominate anyone as well – all you need is to take the time to write an email or a letter to the ladies of More Love Letters and tell them why you think they deserve more love! Once you see who needs your love letters it’s up to you to write what your heart desires. As of late I when I have been feeling down, I write what I would want someone to say to me. Something as cheesy as “Don’t stop believing” to more sentimental. There is something so uplifting by telling a complete stranger that you are in their corner and something so heartwarming knowing that you made someone’s life a little brighter with your words.

After writing all my thank you cards, I still have some umpteen note cards left. These cards as slowly being sent all over the world with notes of love and support. I encourage everyone to join this movement and start sending love letters.

The world is a pretty crappy place sometimes. It’s scary and dark, and sometimes it’s hard to find the love and light in the everyday. But if you can be that love and light to someone else then suddenly you have a little slice of optimism yourself.

The other day I was exhausted, it was a horrible day at work and all I wanted to do was to come home and sleep. On my walk home I had made a plan, home, bath, bed. Which is exactly what I did. I came home, drew myself a bath, and then got into my pj’s. I turned on my computer to watch some much deserved Netflix, but when I opened my computer, the last page I was on was More Love Letters to their recent letter nominations. I came across a nomination for a couple who had been together for 36 years. They fell on hard times with their health, he with a stroke and her with lupus. Their children nominated them for the bundle of letters. Suddenly I felt guilty – I had a rough day sure, but I have my health, I have a roof over my head and food on the table – and yet I was grumpy and complaining.

I decided then to write a letter to this couple. I wrote telling them that their love for each other and their years of marriage was an inspiration. I wrote to them telling them I was thinking of them and sending them love from afar during this bump in the road. My problem of a bad day at work seemed so small and insignificant compared to the troubles that these two were going through.

I encourage you to take time today to write a love letter to those in need – make it a weekly routine. During your Saturday morning coffee, grab a pen and a pad of paper and start spreading the love!

I am almost always late for work. I don’t know if you remember from previous posts, but I literally work next door to my house. Seriously…

Seriously….

My manager loves it when I call in, so much so that she has memorized my number from her call display. I have told her many times, that I can either wear pants or be on time…she has to choose. Have fun explaining it to HR when I come in wearing no pants! ” BUT SHE WAS ON TIME!” she will yell as she is being escorted out of the office.

To my defense, it is because I am so close to office that I am always late. I look at the clock and think, “I can make it to work in 2 minutes; I will just run.” HA! Run – I don’t run. I can barely walk properly. So therefore me being late is a safety precaution, as in it’s for my own safety I am late. This too HR can not argue over.

While I am always late for work, for which I could be dismissed for being late, I try my hardest to not be late for events with family or friends. There are many reasons as to why I don’t like being late, but mainly it’s because I hate when people are late to things I have planned.

I, like, two of my other sisters, do not have children. One of the many perks of having children is having a built-in excuse for tardiness. No one will be upset with you as you walk into a birthday party or family Christmas late, toting a screaming child on your hip. No one would dare…they simply take the screaming child away from you and then quickly offer you a stiff beverage of the caffeinated or alcoholic variety.

Any tardiness can just be blammed on little Timmy who went down for a nap right before you were supposed to leave, and you wouldn’t dare suggest that the mother of three terrorists wake one up only to upgrade their terrorist status to tyrant! And then request that they shove said tyrant into their car seat and drag him to the party. You would be crazy! You would be exiled, removed from the family.

I like to keep my life, therefore I do not bother asking the status or whereabouts of Julia and her family. I just know that they will show up at some point. I say this with love! As someone who has taken care of all three of her children, and has been around children my whole life, I like them a lot better when they are happy, and if being late assists in their level of happiness…then late away!

When you do not have any children though, it gets hard to take your “Leaving in 15” or “On my way” text messages seriously when everyone knows you mean “Still finding pants to match the shirt I wanted to wear to this event, but I am not totally sold on the shirt either. So pretty much I am not dressed, and yes I woke up on time and this event was at 4 pm, but I wanted to not do anything for the first 7 hours of the day…so I’ll be there soon…ish…again when I find the earrings to match the pants…and oh yeah, I took off the shirt I mentioned in the first sentence because these pants go with these earrings, so now I have to find a shirt.”

It gets to a point when people start to tell you to be somewhere earlier than you need to be. Then you are at an impasse. When you show up on time for wherever it is you need to be, and realize that the party or event has only just started, then you know that they know that you are always late…

Life is rough when you choose to always be late, because it is a choice. You chose to sleep in/go to breakfast with other people/drive that person around/pick up groceries before you came. Make your choices wisely people. Now excuse me while I go find pants.

My phone sent me the cruellest of messages this morning as I awoke from my beauty sleep….

And suddenly I was left with a feeling of pure anxiety. I have to delete things…all the things I hold dearly on my phone. Pictures? No I could never – there are too many to go through! How tedious! How will I choose? It’s just too much!

Then, an idea! (You should know that I do my best thinking in the morning). My apps! My iPhone is full of them, and I know for certain I don’t use them all. So as I scrolled through the many, I came across a few I thought I would share with you before I deleted them.

Etsy was the first app I came across. I am not sure if you are familiar with this app, or website, but it’s pretty amazing! People from all over the world (including Snooki – that’s right, the one and only Snooki) have online shops where they can sell their own merchandise. From handmade necklaces to flasks, a custom made t-shirt to a print of anything your heart desires, Etsy is the app for you! It’s a little addicting, which is probably why I should delete it. I mean a girl can only purchase for herself so many personalized pen holders, or a coffee mug that I could probably make myself – but why would I when I have Etsy?! On second thought, this app isn’t going anywhere!

I wasn’t joking – Snooki…or Nicole as she is going by these days…is on Etsy! Full disclosure – I have already purchased something from her!

Flipp was an app that a friend told me about. She is a savvy shopper and loves a good deal. It’s an app that shows you all the flyers in your area. How does this differ from the paper Julia brags about? Well, you simply type in the search for say “sliced cheese” and it shows you which stores have it on sale and compares them! To be honest, with all our readers I have never used this app before other than after I downloaded it…BUT! I like to see it on my homescreen so that way I feel like I am not the lazy person who uses the new and convenient Foodland in town when I could be using my handy Flipp app to compare and contrast different flyers and negotiate like my step-father in law does. So, again, I guess this app stays, because one day I will use it, and it will save me money!

Realtor.ca app was downloaded not that long ago because I was being a nosy neighbour and wanted to know the price of a house for sale in our neighbourhood. Turns out that Cody and I are horrible at appraising houses (scratch realtor off my possible career moves) and we are super cheap! I kept it because I like looking at the possibilities that are out there, as our little two-bedroom house one day will be too small for our family. So, because I am hopeful for the future, this app is staying.

Live Nation was downloaded as I was looking for a country concert to surprise Cody with. Maybe a little Jason Aldean? Or Zac Brown Band? I mean summer isnt summer without a good concert! I thought it would be nice, but with Cody I had to smoothly ask him which weekend he was a available. And thus my surprise was ruined as I am a horrible secret keeper, and he is a really good surprise guesser and the “we don’t need to go to a concert, we need to redo the bathroom” conversation began.

And so, it is with much pleasure that I announce that I deleted that the Live Nation app! Because we don’t need a concert, we need to redo the bathroom (#buzzkill).

Last week I was on vacation with Cody’s family, and man do I need a vacation from that vacation!

It was so relaxing, and I ate everything, and drank…everything. Driving home on Sunday was hell because we were stuck in traffic for HOURS! And when we finally got home all I wanted to do was make a home cooked meal and hit the hay. After a much needed 12 hour sleep, I woke on Monday refreshed and antsy. I wanted to do something, I needed to do something.

It wasn’t that I didn’t have a to do list – like any one when they come back from vacation, with the unpacking, and the laundry and the mentally preparing for returning to work. To be honest I was looking forward to getting back to our regular routine. In order to assist with getting back into the rhythm of things, I decided I was going to make muffins for my muffin (aww ?.. no? ew?) to have for breakfast for the next week. I took a traditional recipe and made it my own. They are peanut butter and banana muffins!

Ingredient list:

2 Cups all purpose flour

1/2 cup lightly packed brown sugar

1 table spoon baking powder

1/4 teaspoon salt

3/4 cup of chunky peanut butter

2 tablespoons vegetable oil

2 eggs

3/4 cup milk

Before you start getting messy pre-heat the oven for 375 degrees F, then go over to your mixer and talk sweet to it. Let it know you are going to use it, but its going to like it. Whoa – did it just get a little spicy in here?

Look at that bad ass bitch!

In a large bowl add all your dry ingredients starting with the 2 cups flour.

Then the baking powder (note I used magic baking powder, you can only get this from going to your local witch or wizard, and trade them your magic beans for this! Don’t tell them I told you!)

Then the brown sugar. I used dark brown sugar, because Julia bought it for me and it was in my pantry. Also she told me that it has better flavor than the light kind.. who knew? Now you do!

And finally the salt! (for all those wondering, my nail polish colour is called pool party, I highly recommend this sassy splash of summer)

Mix the dry ingredients together until blended, and combined. I didn’t take a picture of this because I am only one person, and give me a break. If you need a visual then you don’t belong in the kitchen!

Next add all your wet ingredients into your mixer bowl in order to prepare them to make a delicious baby with the dry ingredients!

First comes your chunky peanut butter. I used chunky because I like a little bit of a surprise when it comes to my PB&J, but please use smooth, regular or which ever kind you would like.

mmmmm chunky!

Next comes the oil, vegetable oil. Nothing fancy.

Dos eggs (dos means two, I learned this from my grade 10 Spanish class where I was named Eva – but according to my niece, Dora is a great Espanol tutor)

Add your milk. Fun fact: Cody is lactose in tolerant, so we never have milk in the house. We do however have cream, so I used 1/2 a cup of milk and then the rest of the required amount I used water. Which you could totally use cream for the whole amount if you are not worried about calories. (Also how about we agree on not telling him that I used milk in this recipe…K? K!)

Then your ripe banana’s. I got mine out of the freezer so they look especially delicious. Why did I get them out of the freezer you ask? Well because when I buy Banana’s I always buy enough that some will go ripe, and then I freeze them so when Cody or I have a craving for Banana bread I can bust out these bad boys and be a freaking super hero!

Once all your wet ingredients are combined, then slowly add your dry! I did get a picture of this, because I became a photographer for a moment, and then pulled a muscle, and cut that shit out!

Once everything is combined, add your liners to your muffin/cupcake pan. I like to tell my muffin mixture it is about to get thrust into adulthood so its not a surprise when they are put into the fiery inferno that is your oven, but hey – to each their own! Just don’t blame me when your muffins are all dry and not delicious because you decided not to give them a little warning.

Pay no attention to the messy oven…

Now set your timer for 25 mins and relax… I like to crochet or annoy my dog with my love and affection. Or you could clean up the mess you made, but cleaning is for chumps!

After your lovely timer rings and sings the songs of peanut butter choir – run, don’t walk to your oven. GET AN OVEN MIT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD and take out your Monkey Muffins!

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…..

Now… the secret to ANY good muffin is…Nutella! Mmmmmmm and enjoy!

~ Jacqui

Instructions:

In a large bow, mix together the flour, brown sugar, baking power and salt.

In a separate bowl beat together the peanut butter, oil, eggs, milk and bananas.

Combine the wet ingredients with the dry ingredients until just moistened.

spoon the batter into 12 large muffin tins. Bake for 20-25 mins, use a tooth pic in order to confirm that they are cooked all the way through.

When I was younger, our relationship was all roses. I hated frilly or fluffy clothing. Dresses or skirts made me turn up my nose. Where did you go wrong? When did you stop supporting and start squeezing? Yes, I am blaming this on you.

I know that as a woman I should bite my tongue. For years women fought for their right to wear you, hell the Duggar women still don’t (different topic). But I hate you. To quote my friend Alfalfa, “You are the scum between my toes.”

You restrict me and constrict me. I count down the hours, the minutes, the seconds until I can take you off from the moment I put you on.

As I walk home from work I find myself unbuttoning in our front yard. The neighbours have to either think I am a nudist or they concur that pants suck.

To me, you, sir pants, mean responsibility. And, if I could, I would not have any. I would spend my days lying about sans pantaloons, with no cares in the world. I don’t want to be a grown-up, and grown-ups wear pants!

Okay, okay, you aren’t all bad. I do have a few pairs that make my rump look beyond fantastic; however, I feel that the heels I wear to accompany you may do most of the work.

You are like wrapping paper, and I am all about the present inside. Sure the presentation is nice, but very rarely does anyone sit and admire the presentation of the paper and the bow when they know that what is inside is going to be amazing.

All of your kind aren’t bad. Yoga pants, sweat pants, and pyjama pants are all fantastic creations for which I hold a specific high regard. But none of you are appropriate for the workplace. And so I am left with this horrible icky feeling inside whenever I put you on.

I wish our relationship could be better, but at this time I fear that we are at an impasse.

Until my feelings change, I will hold my memories of you when I was younger with sweet regard. I am sorry we can’t be friends right now. Maybe in a few years? But then I talk with my older sisters and they too have the same feelings. So I am not hopeful.

We are back, and the main reason for our short, but needed, hiatus was that I was busy being a DIY bride who took all her resources (her maids) and used them to their extent! Seriously, I almost broke some of them…and yet they still love me!

Toni and Julia were both my MOH’s and they both, combined, were the most amazing MOH a girl could ask for. Toni took the week with me leading up to the wedding to help me with the running around, cleaning, last minuit detailing…eveyrthing! While Julia made the stationary and hand pies, which were half of our desserts at the reception.

I have written mushy and gooshy posts before about my lovely husband (gotta get used to that…husband), and how excited I am to be a Wright. I can’t wait to get all my legal documentation, to change the tag line on my emails and to officially and legally become a Wright. Because then I will never be wrong (I have been hearing that a lot lately…everyone’s a comedian! Yuk it up people, it’s getting old fast!)

So now for the details! I am so happy I have this platform to rave about all our vendors!

When Cody and I discussed our big day, we both agreed – relaxed and loving – a true representation of us as a couple! We are country bumpkins, and I have pinned so many pictures of barn weddings, bridesmaids in cowboy boots, bales of hay with burlap, lace and colour – so much colour! Based on that, our venue choice was simple – a barn.

We got our venue…now for the food!

For this I went to a seasoned expert: Cody! He wanted a pig roast, or something simple like that. Nothing frufru or with anything we couldn’t pronounce. Toni helped with this one as she connected me to Sean from Wild Boar who took our idea and created one of the best meals that we ever enjoyed (I got to enjoy leftovers, because if you have EVER tried to eat anything in a wedding dress…it’s kind of impossible). I have never had so many people ask me who our caters were, or rave about the amazing meal! The cornbread, the pork, the chicken – all so mouth-watering, and all so good! If you are reading this and are in the Waterloo area with a wedding or any event coming up, call Sean. Seriously, you will not be disappointed!

Next came the dress – I originally went to David’s Bridal in Cambridge, where I felt like my idea and my dream wedding dress was not possible, and I would have to take a dress they had and alter it, which in a lot of cases people have to do! I had a good chunk of my cheering section with me – my momma bear, two older sisters who are my maids of honour, and two brides maids Andreah and Ashley. When they saw how defeated I looked, they reminded me that I shouldn’t settle, and this was only the first store I went to. So on we went – it was a Sunday as this is the day that worked the best for me…because I was the bride…so we were limited to the stores that were open. Something about Sunday being for Jesus?

Anyways, Julia had previously posted on my Facebook timeline about a store in Guelph where a chunk of their proceeds go back to building the green belt called Something Green – I had never heard of it, unlike David’s, but they were open so we went!

It is a small store downtown Guelph. We walked in and Jess, one of the owners, greeted us with the biggest smile (fun fact: the other owner is her mom!). I told her my budget and my dream dress. As I was talking she was walking and pulling gowns, all the while telling me that I should not be settling for my dress. I tried on two dresses – the second one I tried on I was grinning from ear to ear even before the curtains were pulled open for my big debut. Jess decided to add a veil for the full effect because we both knew: this was the one. THE DRESS! Now every time one of my Facebook friends get engaged, or asks for a bridal boutique to go to, I shout from the keyboard Something Green!

My dress, from Something Green; Nicole on the left and Kim on the right, two of my bridesmaids, dressed by EmmaPaige

Now that I had my dress, it was time for my girls! I was in a wedding in September 2014 for one of my oldest friends Kim (in the picture above!) and her bridesmaid dresses were made by Paige of EmmaPaige Designs, whom Kim and I also went to high school with. Paige was a dream – she took exactly what we wanted in a dress, within an EXTREMELY reasonable budget and created different dresses for all the girls, which is exactly what she did for my ladies! Each one had a different style, and colour. Paige, again is someone who I tell EVERY bride to go to. She is flexible and so unbelievably talented! Instead of going to a bridal store and getting a cookie cutter dress which some girls may have to order in ridiculous sizes, why not get the luxury of a custom dress which is created for each girls body type! She also created my getaway dress – an adorable ivory wrap dress with a big bow and ruffles around the collar which I danced the night away in!

Me with one of my amazing bridesmaids, Ashley – both of our dresses are EmmaPaige originals.

All my stationary my designed and created by my amazing sister Julia who is starting up her own business! From our place cards, invitations, thank you cards, and even our programs for the day – EVERYTHING was handmade by her! The mom of three psychos! She is also the one who made the hand pies (which are literally pies you fit in your hand) for our desserts! 150 of them to be exact in four different flavours!!

Our photographer extraordinaire is the one and only Heather Baker of Photography by Heather. (click that link if you want to see an amazing sampling of some our big day). She is amazing! She has worked with our family on so many occasions whether it was our family photos or pictures of my nieces and nephew! She usually doesn’t do weddings, but she said yes to mine! She was so relaxed, yet was able to handle the insanity of my family and Cody’s. Every picture she has shown me is absolutely perfect, and I can not believe I get these amazing memories of our day!!

My bridesmaid Kim did all the decor, including the centrepieces using silk flowers. She made it so I…*we*…could set up the night before and leave it. But I wanted fresh beautiful, full, wild-flower bouquets for all my girls! Krista from Flowers…More Often met with me, looked at all my swatches, listened to all my crazy ideas and then took those ideas and ran with them! I trusted her wholeheartedly as she has an amazing talent! When the bouquets were dropped off the morning of the wedding at the hotel room, I cried. Okay, I bawled! They were perfect. Absolutely amazing. They were romantic, full of colour and EVERYONE said that they were beautiful!

I literally look back on the day, and see all of our loved ones who came, all of our family and friends who worked so hard to help us out, all the late nights, the running around hunting for the perfect touches, everything, and it was so worth it. I would never do it again in a million years, but it was totally unequivocally worth every extra grey hair on my head.

Hendrix is our 8-year old Yorkie Terrier who was given to me by my future mother-in-law, and Bacon is our 5-year old English Bulldog who was a birthday present for Cody. We brought Bacon home when Hendrix was three years old and his world was turned upside down – not only was he no longer an only dog, but the little brother we brought home was not so little.

Cody and I have always thought that Hendrix had some kind vendetta against Bacon, but we had no real proof. Until one fateful day during a midday nap when I caught Hendrix in the act of sabotage!

I had come home from work (this particular day I was only scheduled to work until 12:30 p.m.), I made myself a delicious sandwich with pickles. This sandwich was quite filling. As I finished the first half my eyes got heavy. I curled up in the corner of our sectional, pulled the blankets up and settled in for an afternoon nap – the kind of nap you dream about while sitting at your desk around 3 p.m….yeah, that kind of nap. My eyes started to shut when I heard the familiar clicking of nails on the floor.

Through the slits of my eyes, I watched as Hendrix jumped up on the coffee table.

He thought I was sleeping…

He cautiously maneuvered around the spare change and my earrings that I took off before I retreated to plush oasis, and made his way towards the plate with the remains of my lunch.

I have decided at this point to watch him – I know that if Cody were to walk in, Hendrix would quickly retreat under our bed, hiding until his indiscretion had been forgotten.

Hendrix quietly grabbed the leftover sandwich and proceeded to place it on the corner of the coffee table. Then, he licked his lips and waited. Waited for his victim to come and see what he is doing. Curiosity will be the demise of Bacon.

As Bacon came around the corner, he immediately spotted the sandwich within his reach and trotted over to it. With one swift move, Bacon’s clumsy head is on the coffee table as his mouth grabs towards the delicious treat, knocking around the plate. Hendrix sat back, watching Bacon as eats it and looking over to see if I have woken up from the clanging of the plate. I did not move for fear of ruining the amazing events that were unfolding in front of me! Hendrix’s plan had been foiled! Drat!

As Bacon licked his lips in pleasure, Hendrix was already devising another plan to inevitably bring down Bacon.

If you are one of our regular readers, then you know that Toni has recently found her love of yoga. On her journey she has brought me and our other sisters along for the journey, and I thank her for it. Yoga is a practice I enjoy, and wish I could go to more often, however due to life, the wedding and general laziness I have missed almost two months of reconnecting with myself during these sweaty sessions.

This weekend Cody and I, along with our wedding party, will be holding our buck and doe, and as I sit here thinking of the week to come and carefully planning out my life, I have decided that I will attend karma class this Friday in order to reconnect with myself and give myself a break from general wedding insanity for an hour before this weekend’s festivities!

I am a check-list queen, so with this decision of going to karma class my mind starts to go into overdrive, and once again I send myself into a tizzy thinking of all the things I need to accomplish before Friday. Turning off your mind and focusing on your breathing is the hardest part for me about yoga – turning off the list-making, double-checking, shit-I-forgot-that-and-that brain function is HARD WORK!

During a regular yoga practice the following five thoughts regularly occur for me:

1. Must remember to _____ after class.

Fill in the blank for yourself, you name it I’ve thought it! Pick up coffee, get yogurt, call Cody and confirm that thing that I was suppose to confirm with him yesterday but didn’t. Call my mom, call my grandma. List list list list list, to do, to do, to do. I CAN’T STOP!!! Make it stop!

2. Don’t fart…don’t fart!!!!!!

There is one position where you lie on your back, curl your knees to your stomach and literally massage your colon. The instructor will even explain to you that this stretch is perfect for your lower intestine and your digestion. What I think every time I get into this position is, “I am going to fart and it’s so damn quiet in here, everyone is gonna know it was me, and then I am going to laugh, and not just like a little giggle, but a full blown laugh where you are laughing because it’s awkward, and you then realize you are laughing because you are uncomfortable so you laugh because you are not supposed to laugh and then it just keeps going!”, so instead, I just clench my butt and hope and pray that I do not fart. Or should I try to slowly let it out, and hope that it’s quiet…nope…it’s gonna be loud…hold it in, hold it in!!!!! This is one of the main reasons I choose a spot in the back corner of the room, so if I do fart, I can hide.

3. I should have shaved my ________!

Now for this one, it’s usually my armpits as karma is hot yoga, so you never wear long sleeves and if you do then you are either straight up CRAZY or you are trying to drop in a weight class before your wrestling meet tomorrow. Now again in a yoga practice you are supposed to be focused on you, how you are stretching, your breathing, what is comfortable for you, but I am a Portuguese woman whose father blessed her with all the hair in the world. I can bet you 1 million dollars that my armpits close to waxing day would distract even the most seasoned yoga veteran. As I raise my arms in the air to get into that final position of a pose, and you out of the corner of your eye see the long luscious locks I can grow from under my arms, well it’s enough to throw anyone off their game!

4. Don’t fall! DO NOT FALL!

The karma class on Fridays at our local Moksha Yoga studio has a capacity of about 40 to 45 and it is ALWAYS PACKED!!! So when you are bending and stretching and trying to contort your body the way that the instructor is guiding you, there is always one position which leaves you on one leg! These are usually to promote balance, but I think its just the instructor trying to play human dominoes. One of these days, I am going to fall over and knock the next person down beside me. Until this happens, know that when I am on one foot I am not breathing in and out and focusing on my breath, but rather chanting “Don’t fall, don’t fall, don’t fall!!!”

5. I can not believe this much sweat can come out of one person!

Honestly, it’s shocking! The amount of moisture that comes out of one’s body during a super sweaty bendy class is disturbing. And surprisingly, it doesn’t smell as bad as you would think (THANK GOD FOR DEODORANT). When I go home, I can wring out my clothes and, if I wanted to, I could make a pretty penny selling Eau Du Jacqui (trust me, I cringed as well as I wrote that; it won’t happen, I promise…ew). And to be honest, Toni sweats WAY MORE than I do! I think it may be a hormonal imbalance, but the jury is still out on that one!

If you have the pleasure of being beside me in our next yoga class, please know that all of these things are true, you lucky devil you! 😉

If you come to my home, I am going to want to make you food. Whether you are a friend helping with a chore around the house, or a family member dropping in, there is undeniable need to provide food … Continue reading →