MIRANDA Chapman, 43, of Doomgate, Cumbria, was masturbating in her car as she overtook lorry driver Jonathon Kitchen between Carlisle and Shap at around 4pm on May 13.

At Penrith Magistrates’ Court, the gathered hear that Mr Kitchen called the police. Ms Chapman was pulled over by officers at Brunthwaite. She was charged with dangerous driving and outraging public decency.

Judith Birbeck, defending, explains that Mrs Chapman had reacted badly to the news that her daughter was pregnant. Says she:

“That might be good news to for many people but in this case it wasn’t. Her daughter suffers from mental health problems that are exacerbated during pregnancy so Mrs Chapman was unhappy and concerned by that call.”

Mrs Chapman’s state of mind was further moved by recent news that her son was off to fight in Afghanistan.

“Mrs Chapman already has a relative who has suffered life threatening injuries from Afghanistan so you can only imagine her distress at the thought of him being sent there.”

A third phone call told her than her father in Ulverston “needed her to go to his house because he had lost something”.

Hence we move to her being naked from the waste down. This can be explained thus:

While driving Mrs Chapman had wet herself as she suffers from incontinence and had pulled her trousers and knickers down.

The defence continues:

“All these events made her feel extremely upset and in a moment of madness she decided to start masturbating to make herself feel better. It was a completely out of character action for her. A decision made by all the incidents piling up and she believed she was in the privacy of her own car. She wasn’t slowing down to enable other drivers to see.”

Not slowing down is a fact contributing to her defence?

Mrs Chapman is banned form driving and awaits sentencing on October 8.

Meanwhile, lorry driver are thought to be aghast and dismayed that Mr Kitchen called the police and failed to execute the preferred manoeuvre of hooting like a gibbon on heat and licking the window…

We all have stuff going on, piss poor excuse to be driving while touching yourself, what a freak

Tom

I’ve had worse .. unfortunatley

warrick

This is crazy, what a saddo that lorry driver must be. I drive around naked all the time at night when the roads are completely empty.. I sometimes climb out of the car and start jacking off.. It’s a serious buzz, because at any moment somebody could drive around the corner and see you and you’d have to quickly get back in your car and drive away before they get near.