Bravo
It’s official: Andy Cohen found the exact amount of time we can stand to spend with the Atlanta housewives... and exceeded it by an hour. That’s if you count the Porsha Stewart’s one-on-one interview. Something feels broken in the franchise. NeNe Leakes has a stank look on her face for over three hours. Phaedra Parks and Kandi Burruss keep looking out into the distance as if there’s something amazing off camera. Was Porsha riding a unicycle and juggling fire? Did Andy have Jeff Lewis fighting all the Real Housewives of New York City in a kiddie pool filled with butter? This seems like behind-the-scenes machinations by Mrs. Leakes to control the show. Cynthia Bailey had a stone cold expression on her face probably because she wasn’t asked to look in the corner. The only one who seems like a normal person is Kenya Moore and she keeps breaking the fourth wall and talking about filming.
Kenya vs. NeNe
They fight the entire episode, but it does seem like a valid debate. Kenya is the upstart on the show and she’s savvy enough to get the audience’s attention and crazy enough to take on NeNe. Meanwhile, everyone is right. NeNe does try and control the show. She sets different rules for herself than she does for others, and she even bullies Andy. Speaking of hypocrisy, she told Kenya in the first episode of the season, “No b***h will ever tell me who I can or cannot talk to.” And yet, she told Marlo Hampton that because she filmed with Kenya they are no longer friends. They exchanged a few barbs. They also brought up the pajama party and it was clear that NeNe targeted Kenya with blame for all the drama. But, paging Captain Obvious, she put everyone, half-naked, in a room with pre-existing beef. It’s no wonder a fight broke out.
Winner: Kenya. She is very polarizing and you either love her or hate her. But she’s consistent. She may not be 100 percent real but at this point neither is NeNe. Meanwhile, NeNe seems to constantly try and control the show with behind-the-scenes drama and should just focus on being a real person.
NeNe vs. Herself
To quote Ghost, “NeNe, you in danger, girl!” It’s unclear if she wants to stay on the show. She’s checked out for the whole reunion. She looks half asleep. Can someone get her an Ensure? If her dinner meeting with her manager is to be believed, she’s turning down legitimate acting work like she has three Oscars. Is she taking classes at Omarosa Manigault’s learning annex class for being hateful on reality TV? Andy confronts her about homophobic remarks and she gets more petty than apologetic. She doesn’t seem to care about the people watching the show and really only seems concerned with getting a pound of flesh if someone gets her angry. She keeps arguing but there seems to be no point.
Winner: The Repo Men. If NeNe doesn’t respect the franchise and her following she may not have a career much longer.
Kandi vs. NeNe
NeNe made a comment on her blog about how she would never act like Momma Joyce did this season but threw in the phrase “to the gutter.” Kandi was offended, obviously, because it’s a rude thing to say. Sure Joyce is a character on the show and fair game. But, you should respect people’s children and their parents. After all, no one brought up NeNe’s son, who’s been to prison.
Winner: Kandi... and Cynthia. Kandi pointed out correctly that NeNe doesn’t play by the rules she expects others to. She hardly ever apologizes and if she does it rarely seems genuine.
Kenya vs. Phaedra and Apollo
Apollo Nida stopped by to discuss his sordid relationship with Kenya... and to dodge questions about the charges against him in court. He told Kenya that she needed him for a storyline, which is a little true. Andy pointed out that Phaedra and Apollo’s relationship seems so pristine and then rolled footage of them fighting. It seems their personal life may be much different behind closed doors.
Winner: No one. It seems clear that Apollo and Kenya have undeniable chemistry and may have a past. If not, why would they keep engage in this back and forth. They fight and flirt. It also seems like he and Phaedra are presenting a united front.
Peter vs. Being Called B**ch
Peter Thomas gets a great soundbite disputing all the women who called him names. He’s justified as a star on the show to engage in the storyline. Gregg Leakes is barely lucid and yet he engages in conversation.
Porsha vs. Obscurity
Porsha stops by Andy’s clubhouse to talk about all the drama. What she does end up doing is throwing veiled abuse accusations at Kordell Stewart, plugging her new single, and forgetting she spent the entire season crying.
Real Houselines of Atlanta
"At least my gums are original and not from Petco." – Kenya about NeNe’s teeth
"I’m done with rolling around in the mud with pigs." – Kenya
"Don’t expect no respect." – Kandi on her new relationship with NeNe
"Here’s my peach." – Peter
"Miss Ratchet USA." – NeNe to Kenya
"Certified funds, please." – Phaedra on Kenya providing money for charity
"Your life should end." – Did NeNe actually say this on TV?
"I have never worn my scars on my face. I’ve never worn what I’ve been through on my outward appearance." – Porsha on her mugshot forgetting she cried all season
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Bravo
The Real Housewives of Atlanta changed the Bravo TV franchise forever. After putting the Southern locale center stage, the Housewives brand became more Bad Girls Club than Lifestyles of the Rich &amp; Famous. When the franchise first started it was about women feigning opulence and slamming each other at fancy lunches. Thanks to these Georgia peaches the series morphed into a hair-pulling, insult spewing shade-fest that has incurred ratings success and major attention.
But in taking a look at the women who have earned this reputation, it is tough to determine who is the most trashy, ratchet, classless... you get the idea. Although none of these ladies veers into posh territory, some go above and beyond, with extra-marital affairs, felonious businesses, and smoking Newports. We’ve ranked all the ladies of Real Housewives of Atlanta to determine the hierarchy of tackiness.
11. DeShawn Snow
DeShawn gets a pass because she is smart in how she handles her time on the show. She wasn’t ratings gold because she kept her private life private. She did have a major divorce from husband Eric Snow when he cheated and left her for another woman. However, she lost 30 pounds, continues to work with her foundation, and has released some children’s books. That’s not half bad.
10. Kenya Moore
It’s a little controversial to have Kenya so high on this list. Kenya may be conniving, with questionable moral fiber, and a troublemaker, but she behaves in a pretty dignified manner. Unlike other housewives, she lives within her means. It doesn’t look like any repo men will be knocking at her door. Her music video wasn't a production value powerhouse. But, hey, she hasn’t had any businesses go into foreclosure or a criminal record, so she's doing okay. Considering her issues with her mother and her verbally abusive father, she often is pretty composed, and even slightly respectful even during a fight. Despite a major altercation in the Season 6 reunion special, Kenya is the one who gets attacked.
9. Porsha Stewart
Is Porsha too stupid to be judged harshly? When she arrives on the show she has a very unhealthy relationship with Kordell Stewart but she doesn’t really play the reindeer games the other ladies do. She does call Kenya ashy in a hilarious moment but she doesn’t really go to the gutter level. However, with her position on the show in jeopardy she quickly ups the ante. She’s currently on the cusp of being fired for getting physical with Kenya Moore. She also has bought into the "fake it 'til you make it" mentality, living in a huge house and shopping left and right without much money. Let’s also not forget Kordell talking about her evictions and her mother eating an entire pepperoni pizza on his bed.
8. Lisa Wu
The level of Lisa’s trashiness is up in the air. While she was on the show she was presented as a successful businesswoman and mother. She was often a voice of reason and it was only on the reunion special that she threatened to attack Kim Zolciak. However, most of the businesses she was plugging on the show are not in existence today. Also, she has two divorces under her belt, including one with Keith Sweat, who has custody of their two children. She's no longer with Ed Hartwell, her husband on Real Housewives. It’s not quite clear what is happening behind closed doors, but is there a reason she doesn't have custody of her children?
7. Cynthia Bailey
Cynthia is tough to categorize. She’s well composed, polished, and stunningly beautiful. She often seems above all the petty fighting and bickering. However, her husband Peter Thomas hardly helps her cause. He’s the one who makes questionable business decisions, yells at her on camera, and is always ready for a fight. Still, even if Cynthia was as ratchet as her husband she wouldn’t be close to some of the other women on the show. So maybe she gets a pass. After all, her modeling school does seem somewhat legit, right?
6. Kandi Burruss
Kandi has always been the most successful and composed of the housewives. However, this season we saw what lies beneath. First, her mother starts a potential fist fight at her wedding dress fitting. Now that isn’t ratchet behavior by Kandi but it is definitely a clue. When a fight breaks out at NeNe’s pajama drama jam things get ugly fast and Kandi shows she’s more hood than she looks. So it seems like when she's talked about clocking girls... she might have been serious. A girl knows how to fight.
5. NeNe Leakes
NeNe often hides her trashy behavior behind her alternate personality, NayNay. She can afford to drop the attitude occasionally and be the original real NeNe we fell in love with. She has the distinction of having fought with every housewife on the seriesm, along with Latoya Jackson and Star Jones. She also doesn't care who, when, or where she's going off on someone. Some of these fights have even gone physical. Plus, despite how exemplary she and her husband Gregg Leakes seem to be at parenting, their son did wind up in the slammer jail.
4. Kim Zolciack-Beerman
Where do we begin with Kim? Is it the Kim with the super fake looking synthetic hair who changed into a trashy mini-dress in a parking lot? Or the woman with the notorious family issues including children by three different fathers? Or do we look at the woman who profited off of a song without giving any money to her producers? Let’s also not forget that Kim had a long time affair with her sugar daddy Big Poppa, Lee Najjar, who was married at the time.
3. Marlo Hampton
Marlo was arrested seven times! 'Nuff said.
2. Phaedra Parks
Phaedra is one of the most fun characters on the show. However, she does have a lot going on. Her public face is mother of two, businesswoman, lawyer, and Southern belle. But, occasionally, there is a side of her that comes out that puts her public face in question. For example, how much of a high-class celebrity lawyer can she be if she’s representing a guy with tinted windows and taking her payment in cash in the courthouse parking lot. Her possibly soon-to-be ex-husband Apollo Nida is in trouble with the law again. There is even a tell-all by Angela Stanton called Lies of a Real Housewife: Tell the Truth and Shame the Devil. The book alleges that Phaedra was the mastermind behind the charges that Stanton and Nida were charged with. Occasionally, Phaedra’s façade cracks and we see what she's really like underneath. See for yourself:
1. Sheree Whitfield
Congratulations Sheree! Not only is so much of her “success” questionable, but she will also get roughneck when she needs to. Both She by Sheree and Château Sheree were a huge bust. She got into multiple fights with her fellow housewives, all beginning with the pulling of Kim’s wig). Her appearance on Iyanla: Fix My Life didn’t make anything better. It looks like the only one who is going to check her... is herself.
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Bravo
Capping off a disjointed season of Real Housewives of Atlanta is a finale that is no better. Granted, it’s a palette cleanser for the inevitable Porsha Stewart vs. Kenya Moore battle. Their physical altercation has galvanized the tabloids and who isn’t dying to see it. However, knowing Bravo, it will air in the third part of the reunion but will be in every single reunion promo.
It’s weird to center an entire episode on Kandi Burruss’ musical A Mother's Shame: Public Embarrassment Edition. Sure, Kandi is a great musician, producer, businesswoman, and reality personality. Plus, with NeNe so self-obsessed, Kandi is a refreshing dose of realness. However, she needs to stop selling things. Bethenny Frankel is the only Housewife to establish a brand and sell a product on Bravo without feeling so tacky. Everyone else tries but it just gets sloppy and excessive. The Kandi Factory was not entertaining and left Kandi with a poorly designed studio. However, she lucked out and Bravo will be paying for her wedding in her spin-off, Marital Warfare: My Momma Be Crazy.
Had they aired Kandi’s full musical with a higher production value in its entirety, it would have added a sense of legitimacy to the production. It’s great that Kandi and new husband Todd Tucker successfully produced a musical, even though he spent the whole episode asking questions. But airing parts of the musical out of context with a very shady audience cam was just boring. The reaction cam pointed at Kandi’s mother Momma Joyce was downright uncomfortable. Sadly, Momma Joyce hated the whole show, but suffered through. You don’t have to be a body language expert to read that smug smirk. However, she said she enjoyed it. She also admitted they can “agree to disagree.” Sorry, Todd. But, hey, Tyler Perry showed up so all is right in the world.
Kandi did have a conversation with Todd about a prenuptial showing she has her stuff together. Her father, Titus, is such an amazing gentleman, congratulating her with an inspiring speech; he is by far one of the best men on the show. It looks like the only opportunist in the family is Kandi's mother, because she was quick to shut up once she realized Kandi is definitely marrying Todd. After all, she wants to keep getting those checks.
Porsha wasn’t the best in the musical but did manage to make peace with Lark, the stage manager (our favorite part of the episode). She lays it out for Porsha because Porsha needs to be more professional. If only Lark could yell at her about her divorce. What is interesting is despite getting an expensive house and having no real source of income she refused to fight for alimony at all. Kordell must have some dirt on her because she opted out of the fight pretty easily.
Kenya Moore had a memorial service for her dog Velvet. It was a little dramatic to see her lose it but it felt very genuine. Sadly, Cynthia was the only one who showed up. She embarrassed herself by trying to hold her dog the whole time and calling Velvet male. To further embarrass herself she planned a bizarre seduction scenario. What better way to be sexy than to involve your sister, fill the apartment with votive candles, and smoke a Black n’ Mild cigarillo? Luckily, Peter Thomas laughed as much as we did.
Phaedra Parks got a cake decorated by her son Aiden. It was to celebrate her graduation from mortuary school. Maybe Aiden will decorate a cake for his dad when he goes to trial for criminal fraud charges.
NeNe wasn’t really in this episode. According to her, she had multiple blood clots in her lungs. It seems strange to have a pulmonary embolism and a collapsed lung and then enter a dancing competition.
To appease absolutely no one for the lack of NeNe, Andy Cohen had a one-on-one interview with her. In it, she discussed what we all know: She has absolutely no loyalty. She turned on Cynthia, the last of her remaining friends. Cynthia honestly took a lot of abuse this season. She must have seen it, questioned their friendship, and brought it up at the reunion. NeNe, in true puppet master fashion, did not answer any questions directly but did imply Cynthia should be fired.
Best Lines of the Finale
"Honey, try having a vagina for one day." – Phaedra’s answer to feminism
"All I need now is my sexy Jamaican coffee with no cream. Well, maybe a little bit of cream." – Cynthia is really bad at pillow talk
"The geritol gang." – Phaedra’s great name for Momma Joyce and her sisters
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U.S. reality TV personality Porsha Williams will receive just a car and her engagement ring in her divorce settlement. The Real Housewives of Atlanta star's marriage to former football player Kordell Stewart broke down last year (13) and the pair's divorce was signed off in December.
They have been going through the courts to work on a settlement, and now legal documents obtained by TMZ.com show that Williams received very little in the proceedings.
The papers reveal she only gets to keep her Mercedes car, the ring Stewart proposed with, and her personal items. Stewart has also agreed to pay her $19,000 (£11,875) legal bill.

Bravo
The latest episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta is a big improvement on the last few. The library is open and the women are back to reading. The lack of Phaedra Parks the past few episodes and NeNe Leakes’ petty squabbling with Marlo Hampton were a drag, no pun intended. If you’ve ever wanted to be a housewife, this episode is a master class in the martial arts of fighting... Real Housewives style. Call it Shade-fu if you will.
Lesson 1: The Verbal BackhandNeNe and Cynthia Bailey go shopping for bathing suits for Mexico. Cynthia tries to gently bring up how NeNe’s fight with Marlo ruined her event. But NeNe isn’t having it. She ignores Cynthia’s subtlety and finally says she will not talk about it. Like a lion swatting a smaller rival with its paw, NeNe tells Cynthia, “Don’t f**king ask me about it!” and walks outside of the store without making eye contact with her again. This is reminiscent of how Peter Thomas usually talks to her. This is most effectively achieved when by a senior cast member with a junior one... because she can.
Lesson 2: The Real Reality AttackKenya Moore visits Marlo. They begin shecapping Cynthia’s budget field day. Unlike past episodes, Marlo seems genuinely heartbroken. She breaks the fourth wall and launches into real-reality fighting stance. This is when a Housewife references something that happened off-camera. In this case, Marlo mentions a three-way phone call where NeNe and Cynthia yelled at Marlo. They probably threatened to not film with her if she keeps talking to Kenya. Her follow up move is to discuss NeNe’s struggles with the cancelation of The New Normal. The kill move is real tears. They key is to keep it 100 percent real and use that authenticity to your advantage.
Lesson 3: Crouching Jaden Hidden PhaedraPhaedra has a unique fighting style. Part of it involves having an amazing life with two beautiful children and a dead sexy husband. The other part is cutting with words. While her precocious little son is walking around making conversation, Phaedra is inventing words like hoodlicious. She isn’t afraid to say anything even if referring to inappropriate behavior by her husband. She also will be above cursing in front of her children and in the next breath make a death threat. Phaedra’s unabashed candor, wit, and complete shamelessness have made her a star.
Lesson 4: The He-Said/She-Said BattleKordell Stewart reappears to give his side of their divorce. Peter Thomas, probably trying to secure his wife’s place on the show, stops Kordell’s house. The key to this type of fighting is to reveal bizarre and shocking details. Kordell tells a story about coming home to find Porsha’s mother eating a large pepperoni pizza on his bed. He reveals she lost her condo for not making payments. He also says he still loves her. Peter then confronts Porsha with what Kordell said. Porsha counterattacks Kordell by saying their relationship was an attempt to fix his “tainted” image. She continues to imply he’s gay. Kordell wins this battle because he has specific examples and Porsha has been caught in between stories. The key is to make sure you give the audience juicy specfics.
Lesson 5: Kill with ComedyThe key to comedy fighting is that you have to be funny. Think Bethenny Frankel on RHONY. Example, while touring their new digs Miss Lawrence Washington does an impeccable impersonation of Gregg Leakes. Gregg works his own comedy angle by twerking by the pool. Cynthia also tells Porsha Kordell is going to show up... as a prank. The key to comedy is to get your funny moment aired on the show, make the entire audience laugh, and regardless of your deplorable behavior you will be loved.
Now you’re a few steps closer to winning Real Housewives. May the shade be ever in your favor.
Best Lines of the Night-"When it comes to traveling to Mexico on a trip that Kenya organized. Honey, I’d rather have Porsha take my Black History Month final exams." – Phaedra’s double read -"The Bible says that the serpent was more crafty than any other beast in the field. In this case, that means that Rentley-having, no man having, harlot in Atlanta. Also known as Kenya Whore-Moore ... More-Whore." –Phaedra "Mirror, mirror, on the wall. I’m the shadiest of them all." –Kenya "Hmm... so you brought Lawrence. Where’s your invisible African prince? Or is he here and we can’t see him?" –Porsha "We better have a good room. S**t, we never did anything to her." –Todd "Porsha sounds like a broke down Olivia Pope. This isn’t Scandal! The truth shall set you free." –Kenya
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U.S. reality TV star Porsha Williams has been sued over allegations she failed to keep up with payments at her apartment building. The 32 year old, who appears in The Real Housewives of Atlanta, is accused of owing $17,959 (£11,224) in unpaid bills for the upkeep of the complex in Atlanta, Georgia.
Members of the building's homeowners' association have now asked for her bank account to be frozen until she repays her debts, according to documents obtained by TMZ.com.
Williams moved into the apartment following the breakdown of her marriage to former football player Kordell Stewart last year (13). The pair divorced in December (13).

Bravo
This episode was all about one thing ... negativity. It seems like everyone is throwing it out into the universe. And what do we get when we put negativity out in the universe ... we get shade.
The episode begins with Phaedra Parks visiting Kandi Burruss to discuss her trip to Athens. She and Kandi bond over having slept with the same small-penised man and delight in being more successful than Chuck Smith. Speaking of failed relationships, it looks like Kandi’s current man Todd Tucker is completely comfortable abandoning their failed musical for an international job. Six months is a long time to leave your partner if you plan on going into business with the and are planning a wedding. Suddenly, the craziest thought of the season ... what if Momma Joyce is right? Maybe her crazy is a smokescreen for A Beautiful Mind kind of genius. There are probably equations written all over her bedroom in Kandi’s old house.
Cynthia Bailey continues her game of Russian Roulette house with her sister Malorie Mal Massie staying for two months. She starts looking at her bead designs ... because what’s the best business to start in a recession, high-end beaded bracelets. Apparently, smart business decisions don’t run in the family. Peter Thomas shows up and the conversation degrades into a fight about sex. The scariest part is that Cynthia thinks she is responsible for Peter giving her a physical verbal lashing last episode. As his wife, she’s justified in questioning his business decisions. She also shouldn’t have to talk about getting freaky in front of her sister. After all, this is Bravo not Playboy Channel. Coincidentally, the Real Housewives of Boob Island are going through similar issues.
Kenya Moore unwittingly invites herself into everyone’s heart when she invites her overly critical and verbally abusive father to stay with her. Her dad shows up like a horrible actor playing a character from Texas. He then proceeds to insult everything about Kenya from her feet to her house to her life choices. Doesn’t he realize this is going to air on television? And suddenly, Kenya’s constant need for attention and validation makes sense. NeNe Leakes and Cynthia stop by Kenya’s house to witness Kenya’s father’s horrible misogyny and disrespect. Then Kenya calls out NeNe on not wanting to star in Kandi’s play. NeNe replies, “I just got finished starring in a Ryan Murphy production ... should I really be starring in a Kandi Burruss production?”
Meanwhile, on Stupidity Island, Porsha Stewart is still expecting a huge payout for her short marriage to Kordell Stewart. Their possible reconciliation seemed like a ratings ploy because Kordell hasn’t once appeared on the show and I’m not sure anyone could forgive her repeated claims that he’s gay. Her lawyers had to explain that they will need to be paid. In more financial issue news, she invites Phaedra and Kandi over to see her huge house. Considering the lack of fixtures and furniture, Phaedra asks if leasing such a house is a good idea. If the walls in her house could talk they’d scream, “Why don’t you have furniture, crazy?!?” Porsha responds that the house is inspirational. People get inspired by art but they don’t buy museums.
Cynthia has a tired trunk show for Mal’s hardware jewelry design. Kenya jokingly points out Mal’s rudeness with her unannounced two month visit to which Mal responds with some major shade. Mynique Smith, spelling champion, appears and is ignored by both Phaedra and Kandi. Everyone discusses how close Porsha’s new house is to NeNe. NeNe begins yelling at Porsha for being a bad friend which makes Porsha cry for the 150oth time this season. Kenya, in a moment of lucidity, says what we’re all thinking, “Is she still crying about her divorce?” She storms out and twirls in front of a car across the street. NeNe apologizes to a tear covered Porsha. Then Porsha officially made the last reference to her divorce before all of America collectively agrees to fast forward through her stories in the future.
Phaedra’s Best Lines
Gimme a Colt 45 on the side for my chips. - On Kandi’s dog eating Salt &amp; Vinegar chips.
I don’t like bite-sized brownies and I don’t like cocktail sausages. - On Chuck’s piece.
I’m married ... and if you ain’t seen my husband you better open up your eyes, booboo. - On Chuck vs. Apollo.
You light skinned Frankenstein, shut up. - To Chuck.
They have malt liquor on this side of town. - Saying Goodbye to Kenya at an event.
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Bravo
This episode has everything you’d want from an episode of Housewives: drama, crying, shade, and drag queens. There has never been so much drama and designer clothes in one mansion since Dynasty. The ladies were reeling from their binge drinking fighting the prior day. They decide to make breakfast and have a little light conversation. But really, they are just playing storyline volleyball. Because, after all, what kind of housewife are you if you don’t have your own storyline for the reunion?
Mynique Smith, angling to be a regular on the show, asks everyone really graphic questions. Mynique, do you really need to know if Kandi Burruss is having phone sex? Somehow phone sex brings up a whole bunch of secrets about Porsha Stewart’s life ... she has a tattoo and had a piercing on her hello kitty. She also had a miscarriage. Way to keep it light for brunch, ladies. Not to be undone, Mynique brings up NeNe Leakes' cancelled sitcom The New Normal. Then Cynthia Bailey makes the biggest mistake of her life: she interrupts NeNe. Cynthia, don’t you know she will try and kill you like she's murdered the English language all episode? The producers have thrown their own shade by providing subtitles for NeNe’s dialogue.
NeNe does not like to be challenged, so starts yelling at Cynthia and mocks her parenting. She mentions teenage girls twerking which sends Phaedra Parks into a cackle. Cynthia bursts into tears and heads to her room. That’s what you get when you try to steal the spotlight, Cynthia! Kenya Moore pops in to console her and quickly changes the subject to her absentee mother. The crying daisy chain continues as Porsha becomes overwhelmed about missing her lost stepchildren and ends up crying in her room. NeNe consoles both Cynthia and Porsha but not before throwing a little shade first. She even convinces Porsha to text Kordell, the man who alerted his wife about their divorce on Twitter. NeNe is proving to be a mastermind. If she is going to stay on Real Housewives of Atlanta, she wants to make sure she’s the show runner so it doesn’t get canceled.
The girls prepare for a night out and ... a southern feast? What goes better with drag queens than a five-course southern meal? The ladies gussy up, drink, forgive each other, drink. NeNe sends Kenya to go make peace with Phaedra. Phaedra ignores Kenya and just continues pumping her breast. It looks like Phaedra is matching Kenya’s flip fan with her breast pump because she is definitely throwing mother’s milk shade.
The ladies check out the drag show featuring Mother Chablis and a very drunk NeNe. Miss Chablis teaching Mynique a lesson in reading. Then the ladies return home to binge eat. Not to be undone by everyone else’s drama, Kandi asks everyone if they would be interested in starring in her musical. It’s met with jeers and then an uninvited houseguest enters. Is it Kim Zolciak? Is it a ghost? Nope, it’s a roach. The ladies lose it and Kenya and Porsha have a détente and kill the roach together. NeNe tops off the night by attacking Porsha’s character and then the ladies hug and celebrate their love.
Shades of Glory
You just don’t need to come face to face with a vagina like that ... it’s not cute. - Porsha on nude webcam sessions.
Nene has had issues with her oldest son, so this is a do not judge lest you be judged situation. - Phaedra Parks on NeNe’s parenting.
Maybe you shouldn’t be having a conversation about her daughter? - Kandi to NeNe
I don’t know if they think in their minds this [crying] makes a good trip but it actually sucks. - NeNe
I don’t need to troll around the prison yard for a man. - Kenya
NeNe is with all of her girls tonight. She looks like them. She has the adam’s apple, the big knees, the big feet ... but I don’t think she tucks though. - Kenya
I’ve done some plays ... it was a lot of work. – NeNe on starring in Kandi’s play.
Oh yes ... Liquid Gold. - Phaedra about her milk.
You got to bury her chile, because she’s going to die over Noelle. - NeNe about Cynthia
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Bravo
The episode begins with Kenya Moore, The Goddess of the Bedroom, taking an aerialist class to firm up her booty. Kandi Burruss, Goddess of the Side Eye, shows up and refuses to participate because she doesn’t want to twisted her ankle. Kandi takes it upon herself to bring up the Apollo/Kenya texting debacle. Later, NeNe Leakes, Goddess of Shade, stops by the Worst Best Western to pick up Kenya and take her on a tour of real estate properties she can't afford.
Porsha Stewart, Goddess of Victims, decides to revisit her therapist because she still has two more sessions on her Groupon. Rather than telling her that gold-diggers never prosper, her therapist, bearing a striking resemblance to "The Chief" from Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?, tells her that Kordell sounds more like a father than a husband. Revelation! It’s also a great break from the borderline-homophobic accusations. Then Porsha re-enacts Pandora’s box, by telling all the girls at lunch that she was the basis for Sleeping with the Enemy, that her husband made false promises and was a control freak.
Cynthia Bailey, Goddess of Elective Surgery, is still in recovery from her outpatient surgery which means lots of bed rest but plenty of time to do her make-up. She turns down a shopping invitation from NeNe. She also forces casually engages in conversation with her daughter about boys. Because, her beautiful daughter doesn’t need to be with a verbally abusive, insensitive, controlling man like Peter.
Meanwhile, Kandi decides to stuff her face with yogurt and ruin a marriage. Phaedra Parks, Goddess of Ambulance Chasers, has to continue talking about “Textgate.” Adonis Apollo greets his wife with a kiss and a genuine discussion of his wants and needs. Phaedra responds with pointed allegations questions about Kenya and Apollo’s casual sex meeting in Los Angeles. Meanwhile, the worst waitress in history, keeps interrupting them at inopportune moments. Then Phaedra, showing the great legal eagle skills that made her a Z-list celebrity lawyer, threatens her husband multiple times on television. The conversation bubbles up until the couple have a truly roughneck conversation in the car with their mics still on.
Hopefully, Titan Shereè Whitfield doesn’t escape from Tartarus and engulf them all.
Phaedra Parks Hall of Fame...for this episode
"With the stress I’m under the last thing I want to do is give her saggy diaper booty any more energy."
"Apollo was not looking for an old beauty queen with scrambled eggs; when he wants that he goes to The Waffle House."
"He’s married to an older woman; he doesn’t want to be with the old-est woman."
"Kenya Whore-more."
"You are about two seconds from me cutting out your tongue."
"I might have to kill him with this damn steak knife. "
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Bravo
Kandi Burruss reveals her studio has been redone since that unfortunate incident with the spin-off, The Kandi Factory. Now it showcases her “No Scrubs” gold record and horrible taste in bubblegum furniture. She assures her assistant Don Juan -- that's his actual name, folks -- that his job and their coins are secure. She also takes time out of her day to watch her daughter sweep the basketball court and use the magic of TV editing to make basketball shots. Meanwhile, she ignores her daughter's obvious discomfort about her marriage.
NeNe Leakes is not adjusting well to being relegated to Atlanta. The New Normal was canceled, for obvious reasons. Glee has been pushed back due to the untimely death of Cory Monteith. In true Bravo shade, the producers cut to a shot of Nene saying, a beat after hearing about Cory’s death, “I feel my life is over.” It’s not NeNe….it’s not! The shadiest part of it all is NeNe is showing her Bravo loyalty by having the Top Chef cookbook in prominent placement in her kitchen. Way to show your loyalty, Bravo.
Cynthia Bailey is doing her best to milk remove her fibroids. It’s great that she made it through surgery with flying colors. But if she has the energy to change out of her hospital gown into her pre-surgery ensemble she shouldn't feel like she was hit by a train, bus, car and bike. She gets hit by a whammy when she thanks Peter for taking care of her and he tells her that she was mean because they weren’t having enough sex.
Porsha Stewart is lucky because her mother Precious Unctuous Diane, her half-sister, and her tiny toy dogs are on hand to help her trash her ex-husband, Kordell Stewart. He packed up all of her belongings including her wedding dress and damaged some of her belongings. In an interesting twist, Porsha and Kandi find out that Kordell may have held on to her anal beads. Porsha also confesses she may have been beaten shaken a few times. The gay rumor mongering is starting to border on homophobic. Porsha, you may want to stop before you anger the gods that control Bravo the gay community.
Speaking of divorce conflict family, Phaedra Parks and Apollo, God of Ex-Cons, are dealing with martial marital tension. At a photo shoot to commemorate their new baby, the couple have a spat about Apollo not getting to have his own life.
Meanwhile, in the Kenyaverse, Kenya Moore is getting evicted moving out of her house. Despite winning the suit against her landlord for slander, she still wants to rub it in her face. That includes twerking all over the house, singing songs off key, and wearing her landlord’s wedding dress. Her landlord responded by calling the cops to have her removed. Her landlord doesn't miss the opportunity to give a description of Kenya as having a weave, contacts, and implants.
Philosophy According to the Housewives
Kandi on Economics: I love love and all but I love business and money, too. Hello!
Porsha on Homophobia: This is not something that a man would do, this is not something that a husband would do. This is something that a queen would do who is being dramatic and he wants to let me know, woman to woman, that he doesn’t give a damn about anything we had together.
Phaedra on Race Relations: It was my idea to dress all in white because white is refreshing. And black people in white look like little black angels. I love it.
Cynthia on Feminism: Once a week is a pretty reasonable amount of time to do the damn thing with your husband. But if for some reason, we hit the lotto, and I don’t have to work anymore, I am perfectly happy to just be a sex slave if I’m asked.
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