Jonathan had been
married a little over a year. During that time, he had been verbally and
physically abused. Once his wife wrung his neck. He separated from
her in August, after she hit him in the face as they were leaving to go out to
dinner.

The heightened awareness
of violence in the home has brought about a sensitivity to battered women, but
what about men ?

A woman called me when I
first started the "Real Solutions" column. She said men in her family
were abused by their women all the time. She wouldn't give me her name or
discuss it further, except that she wanted me to write about the topic.

Jonathan's story
gave me the fodder I needed for a column.

Information I received
on battered men included the work of Dr. Alvin Baraff, a psychotherapist and
founder of MenCenter, a Washington, D.C., counseling and research group focusing
on men. Baraff said men are reluctant to report that they have been victims of
any assault. They are supposed to be tough, he said, and able to solve their own
problems.

"Men are trained
not to ask for help, and a man not being able to solve his own problems is seen
as a sign of weakness," Baraff said.

With that in mind, it's
hardly a surprise that men report all types if violent victimization 32 percent
less frequently than women, according to the 1990 Department of Justice Survey
of Criminal Victimization.

Researchers Murray
Straus, PhD., and Richard Gelles, PhD., conducted the National Family Violence
Survey in 1975 and again in 1985. The survey shoed that men are just as likely
to be the victims of domestic violence as women. In addition, Straus and Gelles
found that between 1975 abd 1985m the overall rate of domestic violence by men
against women decreased, while women's violence against men increased.
*

According to a
brochure from the Battered Men's Help Line -- a nonprofit organization in Maine
providing advocacy for battered men -- men assaulted or threatened with physical
harm should immediately seek an abusive protective order.

Also, they should get
checked out by a physician and have photographs taken. And, they should
keep written records of everything that transpires.

The brochure said
men in this culture are brought up to be strong and not show emotion. The
reality is that men are just as prone to being hurt, humiliated and
emotionally scarred. It does not make men weak. It only makes them human.
And, there is no shame in having these feelings.

"Men are
traditionally brought up to be the provider, caretaker and nurturer of the
relationship and to seek the approval of the woman. Abusive women play on
this," said the Battered Men's brochure.

Kate Faragher, of
the Augusta Family violence Project, said services need to be in place for male
victims as well as women. At the Family Violence Project, the number of male
victims has not justified establishing a support group or shelter for men here,
she said.

In the case of a male
victim, the project would place him in a hotel to get him out of the home, she
said. Then, an advocate would work with him individually.

"At our specific
project, we have a male volunteer who would be set up with male clients, if they
prefer to speak with a male advocate, "Faragher said. "For those
of us who work in this field, we recognize that violence is always wrong no
matter who the perpetrator is. We're working to stop violence in the home, but
we know that overall, women are much more likely to seriously injured or
murdered as the result of domestic violence. That said, abuse is just as awful
when it happens to a man."

* It is my view
that violence to men is a direct result of the Violence Against Women
Act. Society now sees what is abuse to a woman but do not see that
the same thing when done to a man is also abuse. The VAWA has taught
a whole generation of women to BE victims. At the same time, they can not
see that what they do to their male partners is also ABUSE.