To The Boy I Used to Love

Many years ago (okay by some standards maybe not many –18 to be exact) I dated a young man and we proceeded to have two children together. We made somewhat of a life together –as much as we could anyway, we were only 17 and 18 when we had our first child. We were young, selfish, immature…you know, just teenagers. We didn’t know anything, but we thought we knew it all. Eventually, we parted ways due to many reasons I’m sure, but mainly because…..well, who the heck knows? As I said, we didn’t know anything, but we thought we knew it all. So, four years and two kids later, we broke up and went our separate ways.

Whatever it was, I have never regretted it because we got two beautiful, wonderful children out of it. I loved him as much as my young heart allowed.

Since then, we moved on. We grew up, made lives for ourselves, got married, and had more children. He’s no longer a boy, but a man. A man with heartaches. A man with life experience. A man that has loved someone deeply. A man with joy in his life.

And I am no longer a girl, but a woman. A woman with heartaches. A woman with life experience. A woman that loves someone deeply. A woman with joy in my life. We both have overcome obstacles. We both have experienced triumphs and failures.

However, despite what happened back then between us, I don’t wish ill on him. We have two children together and for that reason he will always hold a special place in my heart. Have I been angry with him over the years? Well, of course, I have. Could things have been different over the years between us, different in a way that we could actually communicate about our children? Most definitely. Has the road that we’ve been on (raising those two children in two different homes as in he and I split up not the boys split up) been rough? That’s a resounding yes! Could we both be more forgiving, more respectful, show more kindness to one another? Absolutely. Will it ever happen that way? I honestly don’t know.

I really can’t even explain the kind of relationship we have now other than it’s one in which we very seldom communicate.

But regardless of the lack of communication, we still have two children together. Through them, I have learned of some heartache he has endured. As I said, we both got married and had more children. A few years ago, the same month that one of my children was born, his wife passed away. And now, just a month or so ago, one of the children he and his deceased wife had together got diagnosed with cancer. These two pieces of information broke my heart, seriously broke my heart. I cried for days, weeks even. I still cry. But, this isn’t about me. It’s about what I would like him to know.

So, without further ado……

I want him to know that I am truly sorry for the loss of his wife. As far as I could tell, she made him happy, but she also loved our two boys with an honest heart…the heart of a mother way before she became a mother to her own children. She accepted our boys with a open heart, a ready smile, and a warm embrace. For that I will always be thankful.

I also want to say that my prayers are with his little boy as well as the rest of the family. My family says prayers for all of them every night before we tuck the kids into bed. God bless their family.