Tammy H

Grief is exhausting. You don’t realize how much energy it takes not to collapse into a puddle, until it does.
My mom has said all along that dealing with the forms is terrible because you are in mourning, d*&^*&^t, and shouldn’t have to be dealing with logistics. And yet logistics march on, inexorably.
Be gentle with yourself.

Maria

I’m so so sorry Jennie. I’m new to your blog; I came to it through another blog that I was following. Your tragic situation is unfortunately something I know of through my partner, from his point of view: he is now a grown man with children of his own, but lost his father when he was a child, only 8, in exactly the same way you lost your husband: 5 minutes, a sudden heart attack. 40 years down the line, he still remembers his father and still cries for him and still remembers vividly the terrible shock & suddenness of this kind of brutal death. Life does go on, and he, his brother and mother did gradually, bit by bit, create a life for themselves, but it’s so terrible & painful sometimes when these things happen, and impossible to accept or understand.
My heart goes out to you & my thoughts are with you and your family. I wish you strength.

Elia Grogan

A few days ago I came across your blog to read all about food. Then you shared with all of us strangers that you had lost your one true love.
Instead of getting recipes and other advice you would have normally shared, you have opened your heart to share how you are feeling about your husband. And I have to say it makes me thankful that I found your blog.
My father passed away, also at a young age, at the end of May. As a daughter, it’s a strange feeling not having my father around.
But what I have been so grateful for from your blog is the opportunity to see what my mother is going thru. I do my best to comfort her, but I am not his wife and have never experienced a loss like that in my life.
I know this is little if any comfort, but your blog and sharing about your sweet husband has helped me to see my mother’s experience from a different or better perspective.

Edith

My heart goes out to you Jen. How devastated you must be, and how you’re trying to find a new balance now.
I’ll support you from here and send some comforting and positive energy all the way from the Dutch lowlands to you.
I’m sure your Mikey, is sitting on a cloud, watching you and being very proud of his very strong wife who’s doing the beste she can.
Take care, Jen.
Warm hugs, Edith

Jennifer,
I want to say I know what you are going through. But I haven’t lost my husband. So, I don’t. The thought of it makes me wanna rip my heart from my chest cause it hurts so much. But, no I don’t know. But, I have had other losses in my life. My parents. I was one of 4 kids who was with them both when they died, 3 years apart. Kinda hard not to be pissed at God for that one. Then my sister who was my best friend. It hurt so bad that my guts felt like they were falling out. Eventually the “sting” passed but I haven’t forgotten them. I just know that I will be with them again one day. But, the here and now of it, while so fresh is NOT easy. I wish I could hug you. Thank you for opening sharing your love, your life and your loss of Mikey with all of us out here in cyberspace. It would be much easier to keep it to yourself. I truly pray, Jennifer that you and your girls feel all the love being sent your way. You have made me realize that I can’t take my family for granted. We never know. People say some dumb things but they just don’t know how to handle death…God bless their hearts. They say “pat” comments and but they are just words. They don’t know what else to say…Sorry to go on and on but just had all this on my heart. Just remember, you never will get OVER this but you will get THROUGH it :-)~~~Michelle

Sara

Once again, I’m a stranger here…but if I knew you, I’d just wanna tell you that it’s ok to grieve however your heart needs to. You have to walk this path the best you know how. It’s ok to feel numb, to just wanna stare out the window…to lie in bed caressing his pillow. If I knew you, I’d be there to just listen if you wanted to talk about your Mikey. I’d tell you it’s gonna be ok and you will feel stronger one day…but for now…grieving is hard and is a process.
Praying for you and for those close to you.

I know nothing I can ever say will fill that void in your heart Jennie, but you have so many loving people around you. I hope that with each passing day your heart slowly fills with the warmth that is present in your life, though maybe unfelt for now.
Time will be the only thing that heals you and maybe the glowing laughter of your girls. I know I can’t say I know what you are going through, but I have watched it before. Just know that we are here for you, however we can be.

Take each meal one dish at a time. Cooking nourishes the soul in ways that I never thought possible. It’s not comfort eating, but to share a meal with those still with you and make smiles so the angels watching over us see that we are trying.

Grief is like being on the beach, some time the waves will come crashing into you and you feel you might drown. Other days it is calm and you can enjoy digging your toes into the sand. I hope that soon you will have serenity and be able to dig your toes into the sand.

Angel Hunt

I don’t know you, but from what I read- you are a tough, strong woman. You can do this. Even if you don’t want to. Today is beans…and three or four lines on the forms. Tomorrow, make soup (or it’s metaphorical equivalent) and do five or six more lines. You can do this.

Amy Phelan

I’ve been following you on twitter since I saw a post on the pioneer woman’s twitter account(i follow her)expressing condolences to you. Somehow, I feel as though I’m keeping a bit of a watch out for you… sending peaceful thoughts your way. I think you have a sparkling, beautiful spirit. I wish you and your family just the very best of wishes. Sincerely, Amy Phelan

Sara

linda

i hope you still feel small
when you stand by the ocean
whenever one door closes, one more opens
promise… you’ll give faith a fighting chance
and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
i hope you dance, i hope you dance…
dance…& i hope that in time you will not feel so alone
my thoughts & prayers to you & your daughters.

My husband and I just hit 16 years of marriage. My heart aches for you all day long. Funny how that can happen when I don’t even know you. What I do know is that I love my husband more than life itself and his absence would be unbearable. I am sorry for this loss in your life. I really am.

There are no words that I could possibly speak to make any of this easier, just know that there are thousands of families praying for you every day. Praying peace, comfort and strength to just get through every minute, one at a time.

Jill McMillan

You don’t know me at all, but I came across your blog as a result of a recipe someone had posted on Pinterest. I am so sorry about your recent loss! I can’t even imagine the pain and the “lostness” you are feeling right now as you try to make sense of your life and guide your girls. Know that I am praying for you.

Glenda

I don’t know you and don’t know how I came across your blog. I’m sorry about Mikey. I lost my dad when I was 13 from a heart attack. I was born and raised in the Bronx. My mom passed in 2004 from Pancreatic Cancer. So much of your story reminds me of my story. My mom LOVED to cook. The day my dad passed he had asked her if she can cook white rice with black beans. She did! He ate and was fine. That night he had chest pains in our living room. My brother drove him to the ER. He had a heart attack. They brought him back. In the middle of the night he had another and passed. She was forever grateful that she made his last dish. We were raised around food and after his passing there was never a day that we asked her for a dish and she didn’t make it always with the thought at the back of her mind “it could be so and so’s last wish”. My condolences to you and your family, especially your girls. XO

That is such a beautiful poem Jennie, the funeral party sounds like a wonderful way to celebrate his life. I dont know how you are managing to get through right now but I hope you keep as strong as you can and, of course, my thoughts are still with you and your family x

That’s the thing I keep thinking, Jennie: the tremendous outpouring of support is incredibly heartfelt and heartwarming, but the fact is, the one person who can make that terrible ache go away is now gone. It’s bitterly cruel. At least, that’s how I imagine I’d feel. xoxo

You won’t be on pause forever, feeling like everything else is moving around you but you. You will get your breath back and be able to find peace. You and your family continue to be in our daily thoughts and prayers. You just keep on doing what your doing, you will find the strength you need when you need it most. Warm wishes from across the pond. Jennifer x

Jennie,
You don’t know me, but I come to your blog everyday and I would like to say how much I really sorry for your lost…
It’s broken my heart and your words made me cry…
I would like to tell that you have a friend, unknown,from Brazil, with a poor english, but with deep solidarity to your lost…
God bless you and your family…

joanne nixon

i don’t know you, jenny…i just happened to see the posting on facebook of peanut butter pie for mikey. it touched me. i am so very sorry for losing mikey as you did….he seems to be a wonderful man…loving dad, and love of your life.
the words of the poem are heartbreakingly beautiful…
i don’t have to say to you….”keep him in your heart”…i know you will…i will say, however, that you and your girls will be in my heart too….you have touched me and i won’t forget.

Hi Jennie, I found your blog thru CNN, and I’m just heartbroken for you. I lost my mom/best friend a few years ago. One day, she had pneumonia and the next it was lung cancer, and she died just hours later. There was no goodbye. I can’t imagine losing my husband so suddenly and having to manage the loss of a husband and father is beyond. Beyond imagineable, beyond fair. Beyond. Something another adult “orphan” said to me is to be kind to yourself. If you can’t muster up the energy to make beans, eat cookies for dinner. If you can’t bear to even get dressed, order yourself a new pair of shoes. Do whatever it takes to make it thru these days. I drank obscene amounts of coffee and played about 24 hours of solitaire a day. Be kind to yourself. You know Mikey would be.

Monica

My heart is aching for you. I just learned about you, your blog and your loss four days ago, and I feel like I know you. If I could come sit with you while you cook your beans, fold your laundry while you play with the girls or just throw my arms around you, I would. There’s nothing to say really – no recalling personal memories and nothing momentous. Nothing to say except I pray for you, I am with you and you are not alone.

Kim

The poem is beautiful. Ran across this and it made me think of you and your Mikey:
There are things you do because they feel right & they may make no sense & they may make no money & it may be the real reason we are here: to love each other & to eat each other’s cooking & say it was good.
-Brian Andreas

Kristin

We don’t know each other, but tonight my heart aches for you. I saw all the peanut butter pies on Tastespotting, and read the reason for the tribute.
I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. ♥

Jenny: I can’t tell how much your story has affected me… Family dinners have always been the center of our family life, but these last days they have been a true gift. I am amazed at the amount of energy that carries you through this. It is exemplar. And I love that you celebrate Mikey, as their life should be what we remember of someone we love. Sending you warm thoughts.

Jennifer

I haven’t been following you, but several of the blogs I do follow led me here. I can’t begin to imagine what you’re dealing with, but I want you to know that knowing what you had and lost so quickly really made me appreciate the people in my life. I also want to say that I’m amazed at the strength that you have shown in your posts, and that you must be an incredible person. Thinking of you, wishing you comfort.

Teresa

Hang in there, Jennie. it won’t quickly get better, but i hope it eventually gets easier for you. And you are surrounded by so much love and support
Your strength and grace will help you get past that pause button.
Take care.

dianne wist

Em

Hi Jennie, do take time to grief because it is part of the healing process. In my case, I did not let myself grief. I drowned myself in work the moment the funeral was over. At that time, that was the only way I knew how to deal with my lost of my Mike. I survived all the hardship without taking time to grief and kept my pain all to myself. It was a big mistake. I suffered depression until today. Please express your grief freely in whatever way you need. Talking about your loss is one way and for some people, writing can play a role in the healing process. You are on the right path to pen down your pain. How I wish I am there to share with you and your girls the peanut cream pie I made for Mikey using your recipe. HUGS.

niki

Lisa Vogel

Dear Jennie,
I also am new to your website. I found it through Bakerella and the peanut butter pie recipe. The loss of your Mikey must be very recent. Looking at and watching him in the video makes me smile.
My husband died suddenly at 35. I was 34 with two little girls aged 2 and 7.
I could really only do the most mundane of things. Wake the girls up, brush teeth, walk to school. etc., and then do it again the next day.
The sweetness of your love for each other comes through every word that you write and even those that we can all only imagine you would write if you had the energy.
Please be gentle with yourself and your little ones. Speak of Mikey whenever you want, keeping his presence and memory with you always. I believe that he will be guiding you as will Heaven above.
Your blog has been, and I can only imagine, will continue to be an inspiration and consolation to me. xxx ooo

karen

Jennie,
Your last two posts about Mikey rescued me from my pettiness. I am able to stop and say: “Is this worth it?” Thank you for this honest and beautiful account of a love well realized, albeit far too short. I will continue to pray for you and the girls. I wish you relief and moments where Mikey will be felt in your lives in ways which bring you joy.

Lois Vanderfeen

I was where you are three years ago. My prayers are with you and your girls. This too you shall survive, although at times you will doubt it. Take care of yourself first so that you are able to take care of your girls. Your memories will help be so precious to you even tho now they are painful. Reach out to a support group if you need to. Talking with others who are in the same place does help. God Bless you!

Stacy

My Mom passed away suddenly last September and I can feel your pain & void…I pray that God will cover you and your family with peace to help peek through some joy & giggles each day with your girls so there are times of peace and happiness with your girls often each hour.

Tina

I have no words to say but your tremendous strength is quite admirable. I’m glad you are continuing to blog and cook to sort of cushion off the pain. Thank you for sharing and being so open about your circumstance! your girls are so lucky to have you and i’m sure Mikey is so very proud of you! wishing to bring a happy heart soon to you 🙂

Teresa K.

Lynn Pawluk

Put those beans on and call a few friends. Have them come over and help you eat them. Yes, I know…you don’t want to. Do it anyway. Having friends with you helps.You are not totally available for the girls right now – which is fine. Having friends over will help them, too. Voice of experience here – I’ve done this. You’re doing fine. Sending love your way…Lynn

Kathy Brown

Sarah Elizabeth

Thank you for sharing this poem with us. Prose is a wonderful way to share, to feel and to remember. I also think that having a celebration of a person’s life with friends and loved ones is one of the greatest honors you can offer them; to bring a smile to the face of someone whose heart is aching, and to remind them of the joy they once felt and will feel again.
It’s become a very popular poem, so there’s a good chance you’ve heard it before, but there is a poem I hold very dear that has served me both in moments of joy and in moments of despair, and I’d like to share it with you:
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
-e.e. cummings
By sharing the memory of Mikey with all of us, I think that we each carry his heart, and yours, in our hearts.

Treasa

Saying I am sorry for your loss just doesn’t seem to express enough. My heart breaks for you. Know there are people all over some who know you and some who don’t who are thinking of you and sending hugs and comfort your way. I am thinking and praying for you and your girls everyday to have the strength you need to get through one day at a time.

Rita

I feel so bad for you and all the pain you are going through! Praying for God to give you strength to help you through this terrible period. Your strength and love is a tribute to your “Mikey” – through it we can all see what a good husband and father he was and how much you love him.

Courtney Petty

I am also new to your blog, found it from a peanut butter pie post on a blog I follow regularly and I just wanted you to know my heart breaks for you and your family. I lost my best friend two years ago, and it still hurts to this day. I do not know exactly what you are going through but I do know that I see my best friend everywhere: in sunshine, in rain, in silence and in chaos. Knowing she is always with me helps get me through those dark days. I pray for strength in days ahead of you and your girls. So many online friends are surrounding you with love and I hope you find some warmth in that, although it may not ever be the same as Mikey’s.

Judy

Dearest Jennie,
Oh how my heart hurts for you…I know the deep pain of loss…9 months ago I lost my beautiful 36 year old daughter…her husband is overcome with loss, Lisa left him with their 6 year old son Andrew and for Andrew my son in law manages to put his feet on the floor in the morning, just as I know that your girls are the reason that you too will put your feet on the floor. I loved to cook, but when I lost my Lisa the joy of it left me, it is just now that I find myself in the kitchen again…so, Jeannie, keep cooking, nurish your soul and your girls…we out here reading your blog pray for continued strength for you, pray for peaceful moments and returning beautiful memories….

Shawna

I don’t know what to say except that you have reminded me what is important. Thank you. You have a beautiful soul and one day you will be reunited with Mikey. Until then I hope that you’re able to live out the rest of your days in peace, surrounded by those you love and memories of all the happy times you had together.

Dianne

Lou birkett

I’ve followed your blog for a while and truly enjoyed all your posts. You have such a positive spirit! I wish you all the best and believe with all my heart that you can survive this hard time. Know that you are very loved by many people, some that know you and others (like me) that only know your blog! The love between you and your husband was obvious in each and every post! All the best to you and thanks for inspiring me to make a peanut butter pie!

Linda

Ah Jennie, my heart has been pouring out soft beating for your pain. A few days ago I re-tweeted a tweet about Mikey adding I wished I’d know him as he was so loved. And he was in your life. And your girls’ lives. And you and your girls in turn must have filled his life with so much love and all the other parts of your being that drew you and Mikey to each other.
I will continue to close my eyes and ask that you are given strength and a certain moment when happiness will return to your life.
You are so deserving.
And when you return to find your love of food intact, I’ll look forward to that, too.
And I hope you continue to post while you make your way so that all of your friends, both near and far, known and unknown, can share this time with you.
In the meantime, I think I’ll cook up a pot of beans for you.

Adrienne

I am so sorry for your loss. You and your little ones are in my thoughts. There are over 100 references on Tastspotting to your peanut butter pie for Mikey. It is a beautiful tribute to someone who has touched so many people.

Lauren

Although I’m nearly a week late, I made a pie for Mikey last night taking special care to send love and good thoughts to you and your family while doing so. Please know how many people are thinking of you and sending you warmth. Thank you for reminding me to love fiercely, and gratefully, every single day. Lots of love to you today and always.

Kayte CookWatts

I am stunned by the bravery of your blog. To share your grief so openly and lovingly with people you have never met is a great gift to whoever is lucky enough to read your words. Thanks so much. I am so sorry for your loss.

Shelby

Jennie,
I am also new to your blog. You are in my heart and prayers. I am so sorry to hear your news. I truly do feel for you. You have touched my heart and encouraged me to not take anything or anyone for granted.
May this video bring you comfort. It is just a few minutes long. I know that families ARE forever, you will be able to see him again. It seems hard and far away, but I know with ALL of my heart that your Mikey is up there watching over you and your children. God is watching over you. Praying for you.
-Shelby
Link to video:http://www.youtube.com/mormonmessages#p/c/4E784EC0770935C0/51/JiRc84kihRMhttp://mormon.org/plan-of-happiness/

Debra Helmer

We only met in real life once – at a lovely event that you had some “extra” passes to share – a couple of summers back. My husband has been reading your posts and we both are so moved by your posts. You are so strong and we will be keeping you and your girls in our thoughts. Sending virtual hugs to all of you.

Alec

Nicole

Jennie,
I’m very sorry for your loss. I don’t know what it’s like to go through this personally, however I can hear and feel your emptiness and heartache through your words. Although I’ve never met you, this brought me to tears. Thinking of you and your girls during this difficult time…

Mary Jo

Tracey

Jennie,
I am sorry, very, very sorry. I sit here trying to find words to express my words right now. Tears spring to my eyes. I am praying for you and your girls and hope that Mike will send you a beautiful message from above. The feeling of knowing that everyone else’s world is still turning, while your world has completely stopped.Even the simplest task can bring on tears and feelings of anguish. I have gone through this experience myself, 7 years ago.It amazes me how you kind of just stumble through it. God bless,
Tracey A.
g

dear Jenny,
As I was reading bakerella, I heared about your lost!!! I am so sorry for you and the kids! My eyes are with tears when I was reading your posts!!! I pray that God will comfort you with His comfort, lift you up when you feel like falling apart… I had to think about the song: I lift my eyes up, to the mountain where does my Help comes from???
It’s a song that Brian Doerksen greatfully sings and always touch my heart evey time I hear it. here you can find it…http://youtu.be/pcHvkxFJy8E
I hope it will help you and stengthen you!
Big huggs and prayers from Mirandahttp://saffiertje.blogspot.com

Natasha

Norma Espinoza

I do not know you. I just started following your blog. I immed feel like I wanna reach through this computer and hug you and tell you how very sorry I am for your loss. I want the pain to go away and your heart to be in a place where you can function, not feel numb. Strangers we are, but I am compassionate and know you have experienced a loss that I cant even fathom. Take solace in your children. Know that your husband is still with you and the kids. I have nothing to offer you but my sincerest apologies and I wish for you a better a tomorrow. <3

Kim in MD

I wanted to check in today and let you know that I am still (and will continue to) keep you and your daughters in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that today is a little easier than yesterday, and that tomorrow and the days ahead will be a little easier than today. Stay strong, Jennie.

Lena

Geri

Jennie,
Hold fast to the girls and the joy of Mikey’s life – well lived with all of you in it. Keep his memories alive for them – you will miss him in the days, years and decades ahead but you and they will carry him forward. Loss is your burden but you have such a wonderful gift in the hands you can hold – the most precious gift he could give – his children. Peace – as you can find it – and know many prayers surround you.

Sarah

You and your girls have the Lord to guide you and bring you strength during this time. I will pray for your family and I am blessed by your heart of gold and your love for life. I def am making the Peanut Butter pie.

Traci

I just discovered your blog through PW and it’s a favorite. Your Mikey will live on in your sweet girls. A smile…a certain look…a comment…ideas…You’ll see him daily in some subtle way. My prayers go out to you and your family. We love peanut butter pie and i will make one for my family in his honor. God Bless You.

Alyse

Everything that I can write sounds like a cliche. This is real, too real, and although we have never met, my heart breaks for you and your dear daughters.
Mikey had a wonderful face. There is something so amazing in those eyes.

I don’t know you and have never been to your blog before, but found it through another. I am deeply sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how you feel, but reading your story made me think of my own dad. Six 1/2 years ago we suddenly lost him on a Sunday morning and while no ones pain is the same, I feel yours. I see my mom supporting us and her grandkids without him and I know what the road has been like since he’s been gone.
Tonight I’ll be sure to keep you, and your family in my prayers Jennie. My deepest condolences.

My thoughts are with you Jennie, having lost a parent, I think I can somewhat understand what you are going through, but at the same time I just can’t imagine.
My thoughts are with you and your family. (HUG)!

Cindy

I have stood in a place very similar to where you are standing. There are no words to make the ache go away. Do know that it will not always hurt as much as it does now. The love never dies. He is with you always. Peace to you and your girls.

Dear Jennie,
I found your blog today through another blog which mentioned Peanut Butter Pies. I’m so sorry for your loss. I cannot even begin to imagine how devastated you must feel but I will pray for you and your girls.
Your recent blog posts though poignant, exhibit a resilience that not many people in your situation would have. I am sure Mikey is very proud of you.
I wish your girls and you the very best. May the fire in your soul burn brightly again.
God Bless!
Karen

Terry

Steel yourself against the tricks grief will play on you….when you think you see him in a crowd, know that he came to see you and wanted him back.
when the dreams come turn them into a special time with him….love is the energy that guides the universe…
every step you take he will be with you…

Kelly

The poem you read didn’t open on my computer. I have followed you all month. I have cried with you. Laughed with your wit. Marveled at your strength. Thought of
your babies. I just can’t help but wonder what you read that day. Could you repost or tell me the name of the poem. Not morbid nosiness I just truly would love to read your goodbye to your “Mikey”.