Friday, August 29, 2008

Her Bad Mother (who I stole the picture above from) came up with this great idea for a betchfest, where people who are needing to betch and didn't feel like they could do it on their own sites could post at other peoples cribs, anonymously. People will be posting all over the place, letting it all hang out there for the world to see...er read I mean. This lovely person (betcher?) below, needed to betch and I'm glad to be able to share my space with her. Really it's a dam fine rant. I want to betch slap someone just from reading it. Please, go to The Basement for more info on this lovely event or to read more betch posts.

FYI - I'm posting somewhere as well and if you know me and want to read it, feel free to email me and I'll point you in the right direction. I'll be in and out all weekend, doing family (drama) bonding at a wedding, so this post will be given it's proper due, being up all weekend. Have a safe and fun Labor day and now, please give your attention to the lovely rant below.

RUDE by anonymous:

I had been thinking about my Betchfest post for a few days, wondering what, of the many things I love to betch about, that I would share with a new audience.

But then something fell in my lap, a true gift from the Goddess of Betch. It is so great it should be entered into some kind of Festival of Rudeness. I bet it would win a blue ribbon.

This will definitely make my top ten all-time Hall of Fame rude things that have ever happened to me.

My co-worker, after spending almost a year planning a wedding largely at work (hours of daily phone calls, endless discussions of "What do you think of these flowers?" designing invitations on company time…) canceled the event the weekend before it happened.

The couple had hidden the fact that they were getting married from one of the mother-in-laws to be, because they said she would flip out if she knew they were together. At work, we all advised that this was a terrible idea. They needed to come clean with MIL2B and act like adults.

Someone finally told MIL2B about the wedding, she did indeed go off her nut (would you not lose it if your kid was getting married without even telling you?) and what with one thing and another (screaming, threats of violence) the wedding gets canceled. Sad, a tragedy, but a preventable one. Live and learn, right?

The bride, J. decided to move out of crazy her mom's house into her own place because of all the screaming and such.

So today I get an email:

As for returning the wedding gifts, some of you have graciously offered to let us keep the gifts you sent as a house warming and a helping hand to J. We thank you for that, because we really need it. For those whom i have yet to return gifts to, please email me back and let me know how you'd like me to proceed. We can arrange for a personal exchange, i can return the item in exchange for agift card and send that to you, or I'm willing to entertain any other options you prefer. This is, alas, the messy part of putting off a wedding. And to satisfy your curiosity, yes, we lost a LOT of money canceling the event and honeymoon.

Can you believe the chutzpah? (that's "big brass balls" in English).

Can you SMELL the manipulation?

SOME people are GRACIOUS enough to let us keep the wedding gifts (despite the lack of a wedding) because, well, we really need it! And if you are crass enough to actually want us to do the right thing and send the gifts back, YOU have to email US and let us know how "you'd like me to proceed!" Because we REALLY spent a LOT of MONEY so we deserve those bath towels!!

Oh, if Miss Manners were dead, she would be spinning in her grave. As is, she probably felt a disturbance in the Force and got knocked on her butt by it.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Dude, I was just at SueBob's site and saw this in her archives. I'd pretty much kill for that sandwich right now. I wonder if I can order it somewhere without someone puking? I'll have to try.

I've officially come to the eating portion of this pregnancy. I think and dream about only food. Food, food, food. I want it all. Things I'd never eat normally, like cheesecake or Little Debbie's or Pizza loaded down with everything (I have pizza issues), sound so good to me right now. I put the strangest things together and eat them. I regularly make my kids want to puke. They think I'm so gross.

Luckily I only have a few weeks left, or I'd end up weighing a zillion tons. Because peanut butter probably isn't meant to be put on everything.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

I have always been an Obama supporter. Got Hope? Love it, love him. I love the way he's campaigning, I love listening to him speak and most important, I believe he can make a difference. Go Obama go!

I tend to steer clear of politics and religion on the Internet. Not because I don't have strong beliefs, but because I don't like to argue something that I can't win. Politics and religion are two things that most people aren't willing to change their beliefs on. I understand that everyone can have different beliefs and we can still be friends. I am a non-religious liberal. I'm perfectly happy with this myself, not everyone is and that's okay. But today I have something to say and I hope everyone can play nice.

Last night I realized something as I watched Hillary give her speech. I realized that I was literally watching history in the making. A line of her speech was that she wasn't able to break through the glass ceiling, but she's made 18 million cracks in it. Yes, she was talking about the amount of votes she received, but she was also talking about paving the way for the future. Making it easier for the next women who wants to be president, making it possible for millions of little girls to know that they could be the next president. Believe in her or not, what she said is powerful; what she changed for our girls is huge.

I bawled from that point forward. Morgan, having gotten to stay up and watch, with the knowledge that she needed to be rather quiet, asked me cautiously why I was crying. I did my best to explain. But Mama, she says, I want to be a judge, not the President. Bailey can be president, I'm not nice enough, but she is. Not the point little one, but that's good that you know what you want. You get to choose, you can be whatever you want. Dream big.

Last night Hillary hopefully brought together the democratic party. I believe she made a difference in certain peoples views. I know there's still a long way to go, but I do believe Obama can and will win this election. It's more than that though; she did something that no women has been able to do. She got farther than any women has ever done and with tons of support behind her. She's paved the way for the women of the future. For my little girls and any other little girl out there who wants to go that far. She's changed history. There was a Post Secret a while back that had her picture on it and the words said something like, I will make it, I learned from watching her not make it. Not exact, I know, but still a powerful statement, because I know it's true. Someday, a woman will be President.

When I was Morgan's age, I wanted to be a teacher or a writer. At Morgan's age, my mother wanted to be a prima ballerina. My grandmother is 86 years old; when she was six years old, she knew there was one thing she would be, a mother. If she were born today, she'd be the last person who would have had kids. She would have been a CEO of some major organization, an owner of a Fortune 500 or a world leader. But that wasn't there for her, she was only given one choice. She didn't know she was allowed to make a different choice. This same woman told my mother that she should marry a doctor, to have someone to take care of her forever. My mother, oh I love her for it, she told me I could be anything, do anything. For this, I'll always be grateful. But I never would have thought to be a Judge or the President. Because women 30 years ago weren't; there were very few women judges and no woman had tried to become President.

My babies are six and a half and four years old. One wants to be a Supreme Court Judge and the other a Transformer. Funny, yes, but dream big is what I tell them.

Last night Hillary Clinton made history; she changed history for the better and I thank her for it. I want a better world for my children, a world that is safe and free, a world where there is no limit to what they can be.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

My coffee cup had a hole in it, so half of my coffee is on the floor of my car. This sucks, mostly because I really needed that coffee this morning.

Three weeks to go and I'm kind torn. I'd give anything for him to be born tomorrow, because I'm so over being pregnant at this point. I'm tired, just plain exhausted really. I'm not sleeping, I'm uncomfortable and I'm just done with it. On the other side of that, I need my thumb to heal before he's born, so I can hold my teeny boy.

I've decided not to have any kind of a baby shower. We have what we need and frankly I'm not in a lets have a party kind of a mood.

There are things you take for granted, things that require two hands. Things like buttoning pants or shirts, doing my hair, tying kids shoes, opening a bottle of water and washing dishes. That last one doesn't bother me in the least, but I kinda liked being able to do the rest. A lot of things, I can do one handed, but I really want them to tell me that I'm healed when I go in tomorrow. That'd be real nice.

The baby has the hiccups. It feels kinda neat and I thought I'd share.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

This morning when you came downstairs and I noticed that Morgan's shirt (which was just purchased like 6 weeks ago) was now a belly shirt, I declared a day of shopping was in order. Can it be a girls day, you both asked? It wasn't until we were in the car that one of you thanked me for doing this "cause this is our last one." What do you mean, I asked. When brother is born, we can't have girls day out, Bailey said, cause he's a boy. Oh my little girls, this comment made my heart break a bit. I explained to you that when your baby brother is born, things will change, but I swear to you, we will still have girls day out. We will always have a girls day, till the end of my life, I promise this to you.

Your brother is an unknown at this point, for you both and for your daddy and I. But just like when we went from a family of three to a family of four, becoming a family of five will be okay. Better than okay, I'm sure. Great, in fact. A change and an adjustment, yes. But we are still us, he won't change that, he'll just add to it.

We went and had brunch, laughing at each others jokes. We shopped, buying clothes for just the two of you, until my hand was so swollen that I just couldn't do it anymore. Then we went and got pedicures, something you both adore doing. We talked and sang and had a great time. Only once did I have to tell either of you to knock off the attitude. All in all a great day, just the three of us.

You two have become so big lately. So much more elementary age than babies. I'm starting to be able to imagine you as the women that you'll one day become. Morgan especially you, as you're a lot older than your sister. Today you told me that you want to be a Judge, so you can tell everyone what to do and so that you get to always have the final word. This cracked me up, because I can so see it. Your daddy and I have always thought you'd make a great lawyer, but I can see why you'd like to take it one step farther.

From sisters who wanted nothing to do with each other for the first two years of Bailey's life, you have become best friends. You picked out a few different things today that matched each other, just in different colors. Twins, you said, we'll pretend we're twins. You mostly play well together. Bay you tell Morgs what to do, then she tells you what to do, by repeating what you had just said and it somehow works out perfectly. You sleep in the same bed together, whispering until one of you falls asleep. This is what I wanted for you. Sisters; the kind they make sappy books and Hallmark cards about. This is what I hoped for when they handed me my second girl, that you'd be like this.

Three weeks from now, give or take a few days, you'll both be big sisters. Bailey for the first time, Morgan for the second. I know thing will change, that it will take time to adjust. But I also that you'll both make awesome big sisters. Morgan you talk to my belly all the time; asking him questions like he's here to answer. Bailey you spend tons of time rubbing my belly and poking at my belly button, kissing your brother every night. I know you'll both adore him. I'm more worried about how spoiled he'll be, than you two not liking him.

I'm so gad we spent today together, just the three of us. My amazing, independent, beautiful little girls. It was fun and made us all happy. I hope you both remember it, our girls day before boys and trucks and teeny socks take over our world.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Me: Hey Morgan what song am I singing? Sings: Together we can. Shoot the moon, stop the rain even ride a hurricane, If we wanna. Together we can. Walk into space, save the human race, do you think we oughta, oughta?

Morgan: The Cheetah Girls.

Me: I am, you're sure?

Morgan: Yeah mama. I thought you didn't like their music?

Me: Well now I love them! They are my favorite! Who are they again?

An hour after taking the pain meds:

Morgan: Mommy can I have a Coke?

Me: Oh sure dooode, whatever.

Morgan: Mommy I love when you are on drugs.

Oops. Hmm, might not have been the best plan to tell the chicks about that.

Two hours after taking the pain meds:

Bailey: Mommy will you tell us a story?

Me: Sure but a short one, cause Daddy already read to you.

Once upon some times, there was a girl, no two girls...and they went to a hoppin party, oh I mean the library...to meet some studs, I mean to learn about the life of science and um....they wanted to...oh where was I? OK so these boys came over and then they....you know what, it's too late for a story tonight. I love you, now go to bed.

Three hours after taking the pain meds:

Me: Honey, I think we should have sex.

Logan: Whatever you're smoking, you should share with the class.

Me: Babe the other day you were bugging me. Come on, it'll be fun.

Logan: Till I break you and have to take you to the ER.

Me: How will you break me?

Logan: Who knows? By looking at you for too long or something. Breathing in your direction maybe. That ship has sailed honey.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

So I broke my thumb. Or they're pretty sure, since I wouldn't let them x-ray me. Sorry I'd like my son to only have two ears if that's all right. The doc was irritated, but the PA who did the half cast thingy was sweet. If when I go back in a week, it's not better at all, I'll have to let them x-ray it. I did it by moving the dam crib, not wanting to wait the five minutes for Logan to get home. I am pitiful and broken.

I'd been saving this meme for after the baby, but I thought I'd put it up today....since using my one hand to type (which I will continue to do just not as much) and do everything else is making it sore.

ABC MEME:

I realized the other day that I write posts like you all know everything about me. Some of you do, since I blogged for over a year before. But some of you are new here and I don't want to leave you out of knowing how lame and boring I truly am. So I did a meme, the ABC meme. I'm actually shocked that I've been back for a month and this is the first meme I've done. I stole it from Mindy at Good Mom, Bad Mom.

Attached or single? Single...know any hottt mens? Ok, kidding, Logan and I have been married nine and half years. I got married at age ten. :)

Best friend? Oy I have a bunch. My husband of course, who payed me to say this. We've known each other since the first day of high school. James, who I've known since our moms used to bathe us together as infants. Kate & Chris, who James and I met and accepted into our cult in Preschool. Emily, who we tricked into joining us in kindergarten. And Steph, who was dumb enough to marry Chris, who we met in college. We are like some lame ass after school special.

There was one other, Andrew, who we lost in college. 10 years have past, but he's still one of us and always will be; we'd known him forever.

Cake or Pie? Cake all the way, I'm not that into pie.

Day of Choice? Saturday when there is no soccer.

Essential Item? Coffee.

Favorite color? Green I guess.

Gummy bears or worms? Sour watermelon gummies.

Hometown? Los Angeles.

Indulgence? Starbucks; Twitter. :)

January or July? September or April. I am not a fan of extreme cold or heat.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Ok, maybe not. I'm not really that mean, I promise. At least not most days.

So here's the deal on the name, we're getting down to it. And by that I mean to say we have a list that we argue about constantly. But we both like all of these choices, so now it's down to which one. Honestly if we end up waiting until he's born at this point, I'm okay with it, since we at least have choices going into it. Which was more than we had with Bailey.

So here's the names we like...well love. They are all equal in our heads. At this point we're not willing to change them around. The few that don't have middle names, need completely different middle names, cause I am that big of a freak.

Harrison Thomas

Alexander Milo or possibly Miles...not quite sure which sounds better. We both equally like both names.

Beckett Charles - Charles after my grandpa who is on Hospice.

Tristan Gabriel - Gabriel after Logan's Grandpa

Wyatt Samuel - Samuel is Logan's dad's middle and his brother's first name, but we both adore the name and have been told they'd love us to use it if we want.

Jackson, Owen, Ryder, Brennan, and Rowen, all of which are still in the running, but we are at a loss for middle names that sound right with them.

Names that have been vetoed for good: James, Liam, Tate (sorry Alissa, I was pulling for this one), Lachlan, Finlay, Micah, Dylan, Blake & Nolan Ryan...I wish I was kidding on that last one. My husband is that lame.

So what do you think? I'd love opinions, as long as it isn't: my husbands, cousins, brother's, first wife's ex-husband was named Jack and was an asshat. Cause that, not so helpful. Anything else would be welcome.

Oh and fallback girl names, just in case are Hayden Vanessa and Addison Paige.

Monday, August 18, 2008

I am a little bit in shock how quickly this time has crept up on me. I mean, this baby can officially be born any day now. Like tomorrow, if he so chose. Morgan was a month early. Not that I want baby boy no-name to be born yet, but technically he'd be fine if he was. I am getting to the point where I am uncomfortable most of the time. I'm not sleeping worth a dam, random body parts hurt, I don't remember thelast time I saw my feet, I have constant heartburn, all I want to do is eat and frankly I'm just a big ole grouch. So really I'm ready to be done.

At the same time, feeling him move and kick (although I'd love for him to leave my poor bladder alone) makes me giddy. I've waited years for this and I'm wanting to cherish it for a few more weeks. That feeling that I can protect him, that he's protected inside of me, that all I need to do for him is make sure he's fed and he's okay, is a great feeling. I'm not insane, I promise, it's just a fine line between wanting him out, so I can hold him and munch on his cheeks and wanting to just let him stay all cozy and comfy forever. I guess I'm not ready for another part of my heart to be outside of my body yet.

I know how fast it goes by, the newborn parts. Even as exhausting as it is, it goes by in the blink of an eye. I look at my girls and marvel at how big they are, how quickly they became the little independent people that they are today.

I wonder how he'll change our family, how the girls will react, if I really have the patience to start this all over again. These are my unanswered questions, as there's no way to figure it out. All I know for certain is that he already has my whole heart, just like Morgan and Bailey do.

Baby Shower

Ok, so one of Logan's cousins want to throw me a baby shower. For my third baby. Is this weird or is it just me? Also she isn't available to do it until the 14th of September, which is kinda the day before dude is due. So um....if I tell her not to, I'll hurt her feelings, but if I let her do it on that day, chances are he'll already be born. If he's not born by then, I know I won't be in a, let me open pretty shiny things, kind of a mood. So what should I do? Because honestly, my decision making skills are lacking right now. Help a girl out.

Morgan

We've decided for the moment, not to decide on medicating Morgan. It's just to hard to make the decision right now, especially since we'd be basically trying her on something that could make her worse at first and school just started. Plus, I just can't see doing it for one stupid teacher. We'll wait and see how she does this school year and if we feel that it is necessary, we'll try it out next summer. We are still taking her to have her evaluated anyway. We need to see about the anxieties and we need to see what exactly her doctor recommends.

She started with a new teacher this morning. She's all excited because her boyfriend from last year and her best friend are now in her class.The Asshat

I've taken all of the advice you all gave and deleted the comment. All I've got to say to any haters is this: You are not welcome here. This is my site, not your dumping ground. Find somewhere else to spew, as it will from this day forward, be deleted here. Move along now.

The Olympics

I'm so over the Olympics. I think I over did it or something, but I'm done. It can go now. Bu bye.

I won, I won, I won..... What did I win, you ask? Well I won a Kick Ass Blogger award. See, ain't it purty?

Debra gave it to me. I paid her mind you, but....ok kidding, I didn't, she just gave it to me cause she thinks I kick ass. Which I do, normally at least. Ass kicking is a bit hard right now, seeing how high normal asses are (kid asses, now I can kick those), but I'll get back there. Ok, lets see here, there are rules.....blah, blah, blah. Go here and read them (here at Mama Dawg) if you want to, because I'm not all that into rules. But I will pass it on, because I think there are some other kick ass people out there, who deserve to know how kick ass they really are.

In no particular order:

Jennster, because she takes names and kicks some ass. She never backs down from a fight and she sticks up for the little people and I love her for her honesty.

MotherhoodUncensored, for always being willing to talk about what other people avoid. Whether it be sex, lame peoples, crazy in-laws or depression.

HerBadMother, for talking about her lady bits on the Internets and scaring the crap out of me. Well that and she's never afraid to say it like it is, even if her eloquent way with words can make me cry, no matter what she's talking about.

Black Hockey Jesus, for taking over the blogging world. Seriously I think he's looking at world domination. That and he's f'ing hilarious to boot.

Alissa at Life's Little Adventures, for being her. It's funny but when I think of Alissa, kick ass might not be the first thing that comes to mind. At least not in her posts, cause I have no doubt that she kicks some ass in real life. But she's a strong, independent woman and she's my friend. She has welcomed me back, no questions asked and been just as wonderful as the day I left. She takes care of her family, with minimal help from her overworked cop husband and she's raising amazing little boys; she also never fails to make me smile with her comments and encouragements. So for that, in my mind, she's a kick ass blogging chick.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

We've been going through old picture CD's and found some great photos. It's easy to get caught up in day to day life and forget how much time has passed in life. I can't believe how big the girls are when I look at these photos. I still can't believe we're starting over again. Anyway, enjoy.

The first time Morgan dressed herself. About two weeks before Bailey was born. Am holding this one for the perfect time. Blackmail at it's best.

Morgan and Bailey, the first time they met. Look at those cheeks on Morgan, I just want to munch on them.

Morgan, two and a half, the first time she cut her hair and we had to give her the dreaded boy haircut. The face though, oy lemme just squish her.

My tiny chunky monk of a babe, about 3 months. So fatty and rolly back then, now I can't get pants to stay on her non existent butt. Two summers ago, on vacation here. If you'd told me back then, that I'd be here now, I'd have though you were nuts.

Last weekend: The super model look. I am scared, very scared. But my husband, he's terrified. Anyone know of any good nunnery's?Look at the fingers, she's so freaking graceful, even in her bruiser-ness.

Oh and real quick, I need your opinion; ignore the asshat or fight back? Because I have a lot to say, but I'm unsure if should even bother. What would you do?

Saturday, August 16, 2008

I'm having a hard day today. Just not quite sure why. Rain normally makes me so happy, but two days of it is starting to get to me. Didn't want to get out of bed, but also don't want to do that to my husband. Or my kids. Thank god for birthday parties, as Logan took the girls and they'll be gone all day. He told me to stay in bed and take care of myself. A good man, my husband. The best, in fact. But I see it in his eyes; the worry, the fear. The wonder if I'm falling apart again. I wonder if I will ever just be able to have a crap day without him wondering about that. It hurts me that I did that to him. That I changed the things he'll think about me for the rest of our lives. That we can never go back to the way it was before.

I want to call my mom and ask her to come back, but I know my grandparents are doing badly and they need her and my dad more than I do. I want to call my mother in law and ask her to come out, but I won't. It's not that she wouldn't come, she would in a heartbeat, but I just don't want her to worry. I want her to be here when the baby is born, to help us then. Not today, just because I'm feeling sad. It's hard to be away from my family. Logan's extended family is here and that's awesome. It's great at parties and BBQ's and trips to Water World. But I don't feel like I know them well enough yet. I could reach out to one of them. I could, but I don't know what I'd say. I don't know what I need today.

Am hungry but can't make myself eat anything. TV just isn't cutting it today and I can't make myself read.

Am depressed and I know it. Not big depressed, just normal depressed I guess. Just feeling blah today. Have decided to do something to make myself feel better. Shopping is my drug of choice and now that's what I'm going to do. I'll go to Babies R' Expensive and buy some stuff. I'll force myself to go to the grocery store and buy cold weather comfort food. Rent or buy a new movie that we can all watch tonight when they get home. Tonight, I'll be in a better place. I have to be, my husband deserves it. My girls deserve it. I deserve it.

Am closing comments to this post, not because I dislike comments, but because I wrote this as a reminder to myself. A reminder to force myself to think about them, to not sink into myself, just because I woke up in a funk. A reminder that tomorrow will be better, today is just one bad day. I am okay my friends, I promise, I just needed to write.

Friday, August 15, 2008

I know two posts in one day is annoying. I apologize in advance. But seriously I had to share this. I saw this article on Time Warp Wives and it's making my blood boil. These women have gone back into the 50's, 40's and 30's, they just sit, sew and bake all day while waiting for their husbands. They don't have modern conveniences in their homes, choosing to own everything from the time period they've chosen as perfect.

Seriously, read it, it will scare you I'm sure.

Hmmm.... the Internet was around in the 40's? I somehow doubt it. One woman talked about eradicating all modern conveniences from her home...but she has done hours of Internet searching for her 40's crap. Because I guess it's not purchasable at Target. Oh wait, she wouldn't go in a Target.

Bought the Maxi Dress. Saw every type of them on pregnant celebrities and decided I had to have one. Needed a pretty casual dress for a wedding on Labor day weekend. Purchased dress and it came. Yea Mr. UPS man! So pretty in the box. So pretty on the hanger. Oh how I love my Maxi dress.

Tried it on. Looks like mumu with spaghetti straps on me. Dam you Gwen Steffani. Dam you Angelina Jolie. Dam you Jessica Alba. Looks perfect on all of you, why not on me?

Hmm I guess I would have had to look like them before for it to work for me now. Should come printed on the tag: Dress is bigger than it appears in People magazine. Will not make you look like pregnant celebs.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Morgan walked at nine months old. She never crawled, just went straight to walking. At ten months I heard these letters thrown at my tiny somersaulting baby: ADHD. Can you imagine? Ten fucking months old and someone was already labeling my child. I'd have never spoken to the woman again, except it was my own mother and she was crying as she said it to me. She knew, way before I would have admitted it to myself. She saw in Morgan what she'd lived through with my brother Adam. I told myself that she was wrong and went on with my life. I mean really, kids are active right?

The girl has never stopped moving since she learned to move. By 13 months she was speaking in full sentences and she never stopped talking again. She was active and a complete whirlwind, but Logan and I we didn't really see how bad it was. Not until she was two. Two was when the tantrums started. They'd happen over nothing at all and they were fierce. Head banging on the wall, kicking and hitting and oy the screaming. She could scream for hours. Literally. At two years old, the doctors officially labeled her. She was out of control. She could go from content and sweet to a devil child in seconds. She could destroy a room in a matter of minutes. Still, she was advanced in a lot of ways; she knew her colors, letters and numbers, she was picking up Spanish from TV and beginning to recognize some words. You know that saying, when she's good she's very, very good? Well that was Morgan. On her good moments, she was a doll; sweet, caring, loving and creative. On her bad moments, the Tasmanian devil on crack. Trouble was, we never knew what we were going to get. Unpredictable to the core. You could look at her wrong and she'd melt into a puddle of tears; tell her to put her shoe on and she'd throw a two hour tantrum; she was out of control. This was the first time we considered medicating her. Really Nick wanted to this time, I didn't. I knew what the meds did to my brother (who was medicated from age four), the side effects and I just couldn't see starting her down that road so young.

We changed daycares three times, before finding one where the teachers were up to the challenge that is my daughter. She stayed there until she went to school.

We put her in play therapy, taught her breathing techniques and helped her to learn to control herself in a way. That worked in a way for a while, until she turned four. Then she gave it all up for lent. Four year olds are stubborn and think they know everything. This has always been my experience and Bailey is there right now. But normal stubborn (even normal Cancer stubborn) and Morgan stubborn are a different thing all together. She was a little over four when we re-looked at medicating her, this time at my insistence. I just couldn't deal with the tantrums. You expect tantrums out of a two year old. They end quicker, because frankly two year olds are easier to distract. At four, when she decided to give up control for lent, the tantrums became non-stop. We used to say to her, if you'd just take a breath for one second and she'd scream, I'm never breathing again. Yeah, it was fun.

But in the end, we just couldn't medicate her that time either. We'd had her tested and knew she was skipping kindergarten, so we knew she'd start full day school in the fall. Plus, it was just kinda her, you know? She is not the label, the hyperactivity, nor the tantrums; she is our Morgan. This was a part of her and as her parents, we knew that we just needed to accept it as who she is. Doing that helped us to get a better handle on it in a sense. It helped us to get to where we are today. Today there are still tantrums, but not as often. She can get control and stop herself. She no longer hits or kicks, although the door to her room does get slammed at times. She can still scream when she gets going, but it's down to about twenty minutes and then we go upstairs and help her calm down. She needs to let it out, this we have learned and then she's happy to calm down.

At school she is a dream, mostly because she is a people pleaser at heart and can keep herself in control until she gets home. Yes we get the report cards and the occasional comment, that Morgan is a joy in class, but she needs to work on sitting and working, not twirling and working. Mostly, we just hear that she is a joy. She's the kind of kid that all teachers want. Smart and studious, a natural leader, always willing to help others understand what comes easy to her. The last two years she's had awesome teachers.

At back to school night, her new teacher, the one who can't pronounce her name right, told me that we need to medicate her, that the twirling is unacceptable. See my kid twirls instead of walking; she jumps in place when asked to stand; when sitting she plays with her hair or taps her pencil constantly. We've taught her all of this; the ways to get around the energy, to do what she needs to do in school. The way to let out her energy, while still focusing on school work and the teacher. She can sit and read for hours, she just moves in small ways. Her feet and her hands are constantly moving when she sits. This is what the teacher finds unacceptable. She hasn't had to tell her to sit or to stop talking, all of which will happen eventually; she just finds the moving annoying.

We're at a loss. We don't know what to do. In our heads, we've gotten her to a place where we didn't think it necessary to medicate her. The tantrums are seldom and always at home (save for a time or two in places like Chuck E' Cheese) when she's been overstimulated all day. She's able to function perfectly at school, in sports and with other people. Yes, she talks non-stop when not in class. Yes, she fidgets constantly. But she has control of it the majority of the time. When she comes home, before doing homework or being expected to sit or do anything, she jumps on the trampoline for half an hour or so. She does this every day, whether at home or our best friends house, where she goes the days I work. It helps her to get out some energy.

She can still be unpredictable at home. Some nights she's awesome and helpful, some nights she's just a pain in the ass. She is still six years old and in general, six year olds can be helpful or a pain; Morgan is no different. There are many times where she frustrates me to no end, because she interrupts all the time. In the evenings, she has trouble focusing; she has moved onto three different next thoughts before you've finished the sentence, so she says, I know, which makes me insane to hear it all the time. We call it spinning, where her mind is going so fast that it makes us spin. That plus the attitude issues (I am considering putting parental controls on Disney for six months to see if it helps) can make our evenings a joy. I won't lie and say that Morgan is an easy kid. There isn't anything easy about her. But compared to where we were two years or four years ago, she's a completely different kid.

Some of you who read my previous blog might wonder why I never talked about this before, at least not fully. Well I guess I felt like it was my fault, because I didn't know how to deal with it the right way. Also, in a way I felt like I was protecting her by keeping it quiet. Now I feel like I need to be real, to be open, to use this space to be honest with myself. Unfortunately though, this time I'm just at a loss on some things in my life. Two years ago, I though I knew exactly who I was and exactly what and where I was going, not so much any more. This is my new journey, my new me, and I'm a bit rough around the edges and a bit unsure about myself. I feel like I'm finding myself again, so I hope you'll bear with me.

I've spent the past two days (and nights, who needs sleep) wondering if we are doing her a disservice by not trying the medication. Have we grown so used to the twirling and spinning that we're ignoring the bigger picture? Would medication make it easier for her to be her? There's no easy answers. We won't do it for a teacher, we're looking into switching her into a different class, but we are considering what the woman said. Because maybe we have blinders on and we're not helping our child at all. She has some anxiety issues (I'll post about those another time) as well and we've made an appointment to take her in to deal with those. The doctor knows Morgan well and I guess we need to leave it up to her. Because we don't know what to do. The girl already has a label on her, I don't want her to be labeled as a troubled kid as well. This is just one of those times where I don't feel equipped to make the decision. We've tried, and with great success I might add, every alternative to medication. But is it enough? Are we setting Morgan up for failure? Can she continue to do well in school and in life, if she spins through it? Is the world ready for that?

Like I said, lots of questions and no answers.

My daughter has ADHD. She twirls, spins and bounces through life. This is a part of her, but not all of her. I don't want it to define her. I want the intelligent, independent, caring, loving and giving side of her to define her. Because this side of her could change the world. I just have to figure out if the ADHD side can mingle okay or if it needs to be suppressed.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Bullet points from the past week. I know it's lame, I truly do, but I'm too tired to worry about it. I have posts to read, emails to answer and a post that is permeating my brain and needs to be written. Oh and work, whatever that is. I've missed you guys this week.

Weddings and wedding last minute details are no place for a pregnant chick. This is just not a good combo. In fact, pregnant women should never be forced to be in a wedding. Attend and eat cake, sure. But anything more than that is just dumb.

Weddings are filled with family drama. The only way they aren't, is to invite absolutely NO family. Eloping sure looks good in my mind. Think I can encourage my kids to do that one day?

I spent the last ten days off of work and only managed to go swimming once. I am a little sad about this.

Dark Night was way to scary and loud for me. I am officially old.

The girls went back to school yesterday! Yay school. Bailey had a blast, Morgan not so much. She doesn't really like her teacher and I completely don't like her teacher. Not quite sure what to do about this one yet.

My cousins kid called my dog, the cawy gog all week. It just might become her new official name.

Logan can not manage to watch anything else if the Olympics are on at all. Doesn't matter if it's a sport he cares nothing about, it's a disease and he can't help but watch it.

Ice cream eaten out of the carton tastes better than out of a bowl.

Okay, carry on. Nothing more to see here.

**update...boy is five pounds, three ounces already. Is this good, bad? Am I looking at giving birth to a 12 pound baby? Anybody, anybody...McFly?

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Weddings are INSANE!!!! I remember this, I do, (well kinda, since mine was so dam long ago) but it still shocked me how intense a wedding can be. So many little details My cousin got married tonight. I was her maid of honor, my husband and brother were best mens and my kiddies were flower girls. And I'm tired. So freaking tired that I'm too tired to sleep. Which is a bit wrong if you think about it. We've had crazy amounts of family in my house and at my cousins house. It's been fun, this crazy family event, but I'm ready for it to be over. Yesterday, I actually told Logan that I wished I was at work. It just seemed like a more peaceful idea than what I was doing in the moment.

But now it's over. It was a beautiful ceremony, a freaking awesome reception and they're married and that's all that counts. I am so glad that it's over. So, so glad. Cause dude, really, I'm too pregnant to be anything but in the dam way. This little boy ran into me and I swear he bounced off the belly. It is large and in charge.

You know I'm starting to wonder if I can make a complete thought in this post, but I guess I can't. I have been a very bad blogger and it won't get much better until Tuesday when everyone is gone and the kids go back to school. So yeah...here's some cute pictures of my kids.

This is Aidan, my future son in law. He's my best friends son. He and Bailey are a little too cute together. And trouble together too.

Got cake? It was some tasty ass cake. We ran out of food, but the cake was amazing. Hell, I'd get remarried for some of that cake.

Oy and thanks for the name advice, keep it coming. I'll be compiling a list shortly.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

If it were up to Morgan, her brother would be named Ezra Jonas. I told her, if her comes out an eighty-five year old Jewish man with no hair, except out of his long ass ears, then yes, she can name him that. Just so no one get all offended here, I'm Jewish....well my family is, so I can make fun of Jews. Anyway, Morgan doesn't find it all that bothersome that she wants to give her brother the most old man Jew name around. Nope, because Ezra is one of her boyfriends. Yes, you read that right, one of her boyfriends. My kid is more popular at six years old than I ever was. It scares me, although that is a story for another day.

So Ezra, one of her boyfriends names, is what we should call her brother. Can you imagine if I let her do this? When she's twelve and has forgotten who Ezra is, or worse yet when she hates him at twelve years old and I have to remind her that it's her fault that the name she now hates is what she still has to call her kid brother. Oh the drama, I can imagine it now. Jonas of course, for those little teeny bopper boys from Disney. The singing brothers. And while I believed as a kid that I'd name my son after a New Kid on the Block, I also recognize how lame that thought is now. Can't convince my kid of this, but whatever.

Jose is her other boyfriend. I can't even tell you how long it took me to get up off the floor after she said that one. Jose? Really? Your white, half Jewish baby brother? Um no. And yeah, no. Not gonna happen. Not in my lifetime at least.

So here we sit, less than six weeks to go and the boy has no name. My lovely husband can't come up with a name at all, but he's quite capable of telling me how lame all of my ideas are. It's so bad that my mom finally told him to knock it off last night. I told her how annoying it was, but she had the pleasure of dealing with it herself.

Here's what I'd like to do, if you don't mind. I know I've been a shit blogger this week and it won't get any easier until everyone (cousin is getting married on Saturday, so all the family is here) goes home next week, but if you wouldn't mind helping me out anyway, I'd super love you for it. Here's what I need: Names. Something you didn't use, boy names that your daughters would have been; what you'd name a boy tomorrow; an unused dog name, anything would help. First and middle suggestions would be even better. Names that sound okay with Morgan and Bailey. If we end up using a name that one of you picked out, I'll send you something pretty and shiny. I'm not sure what yet, but something I promise. My first born perhaps. Ok, maybe not, but something. Thank you, thank you in advance for any help.

Friday, August 1, 2008

We're taking a vacation for the next ten days, although we're not going anywhere. Basically it's just time to spend with the girls (and each other...hey I do have a husband, I think), before school starts and the boy comes. Oh and my mommy's coming to visit. Can I say that a bit louder? MY MOMMY'S COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I miss her and she's coming to visit for a week and I'm so thrilled. She'll come back in September for the baby, but I just want her to come now, so she is. Twenty-eight years old and sometimes I still need my mommy. I cannot explain how hard it is for me, her being out of the state. Although, even if I was still in LA, she'd still be out of the state, since she's taking care of my grandparents right now. I'm a mama's girl, always have been, always will be and I miss my mommy.

We're going to do things around here, see some Colorado sights and do summer Colorado things that we didn't end up getting to last year. That and get school stuff, finish getting the boy stuff, clean out the chicks clothes and name the baby. You know the normal vacation things.

The girls are excited to spend some family time together. It's been a tough year for all of us and we need some time to just be before everything changes again. The thought of sleeping in (if I can, sleeping isn't so easy these days) and staying up late thrills me. To not have to worry about work or summer camp schedules or make sure that the short people have clean socks is awesome. Stupid camp won't let the kids wear flip-flops, they must wear socks and shoes. For this reason alone, Bailey hates camp. Honestly I don't blame her, I'd hate that camp too. I mean, who wants to have to wear real shoes in summer? Thankfully, today is the last day of camp for them both, which is good, because I'm tired of the constant whining. Doesn't matter what they've done there all day, they both whine about it; about going and about having to go the next day. I'd worry, but I hear they are fine and have a blast, so I've chosen to ignore it.

Vacation starts tonight, when we all get home and ends the morning of the 12th when they go back to school. Can you believe my baby is old enough to go to pre-school? Like real pre-school? Like I have to send her to kindergarten next year. Ok, never mind that, we're not even touching that one yet.

So onto a few other things:

This month (August...who knew it was August, not me for sure) is Blog the Recession Month. See my pretty button on my sidebar? MotherhoodUncensored has more info if you want to check it out (please do), or add a button to your site. Basically the world sucks right now financially. I don't know a single person who has not been hit in some way lately. So the Blog Recession challenge is to click on your friends sites and maybe even leave a comment. Click, click, click; it only takes a minute. We all, me included, have come to rely on our Google readers (or whichever you use) to give us the goods on what's going on in each others lives....and it enables us to never have to click on someones site, unless we choose to read a comment. But people make money off of hits in a month and this is a great way to help them out a bit. It's only for the month of August. I doubt it's a lot of money, but dam anything helps. So please for the love of the babies click and read people, click and read. The babies thank you. Not sure which babies, although MotherhoodUncensored has a cute one (two really) and another on the way, HerBadMother has an adorable one, as does MotherGooseMouse, Chicky, Mom101 and Flybunny. (I know there are more, but I'm so tireeeeeed and that means my brain is only functioning at 32%.) Also, Mrs.Chicken and I are both having babies soon, so um....the babies thank you. Let's see what we can do to help each other out.

Name post coming tonight or tomorrow, so please come back at some point later and read it. Cause people, I need help. My husband thinks he's funny when he says he wants to name the baby Aleric. Sounds like a super hero he says. Makes me want to divorce him is all he's accomplishing really.

I'll be around while on vacation, just not all the time. Hey by the way, does anyone know how I can post a video?