Season 2, Episode 22
Original air date: July 17, 1989
Star date: 42976.1

Mission summary

Riker and La Forge are exploring Dagobah when Riker gets a scratch on his leg. *tension music* He think it’s just a flesh wound, but La Forge asks for an emergency beam-out anyway. Unsurprisingly, the transporter’s biofilters detect something low-budget within Riker and just to be on the safe side, O’Brien decides not to beam him up until Pulaski can unnecessarily risk exposure by beaming down herself. She looks at him, sees it’s a flesh wound, and they beam up. Efficiency! But by now Riker’s leg is numb…

They get Riker to sickbay and Pulaski determines that microbes, partly resembling a virus and partly resembling bacteria for maximum nonsense value, have entwined themselves around Riker’s nerves. The prognosis isn’t good. Eventually the infection will reach the brain, interfering with neural activity and killing our first officer. But Riker’s in good spirits! He jokes around with Picard, and that weepy chick who keeps hanging around, as if nothing’s wrong, because he’s a ManTM. Then he goes into a coma*. Meanwhile La Forge and Data went back to the planet to find the organism (I wonder whose shit list La Forge got on…). Sure enough, a vine snaps out at La Forge and Data catches it just in time. They bring their squirmy sample back to the lab, though this scene winds up being irrelevant and the sample is never discussed again.

Troi uses her racial bonus to read Riker’s unconscious mind and determine that he’s having nice dreams. Pulaski uses her supervillain brain-boring machine to intensify these “good” feelings (science!) and (just to show you shouldn’t peep on someone’s subconscious) Troi has to watch him score a little bow–chicka–wow–wow. Sadly, the stimulation giving him all these sexytimes has just made the infection worse (my 6th grade health teacher could have told her that) and made Troi even weepier, so they try a different tack–make Riker feel bad things so the microbes realize they should’ve taken that Night Court gig instead. Itstartstowork! So Pulaski intensifies her thingywhatsit and tries to give him memories where he was fighting for hislife, because that’s like, parallelism and stuff. It’s working! Just three more clips to go!

And the infection is gone! But not really because there’s still a few minutes left to go. Riker says he’s had some weird dreams and we’re supposed to smile because we were there but we don’t because we wish we hadn’t been.

* A manly one, with fighting and hot chicks.

Analysis

I feel you, screencap of bored Riker on Dagobah. I feel you.

Usually when you throw together a clip show you do it using the series’ best episodes. You know, those moments we all know and love. You don’t show Ferengis with laser whips and exploding worm heads. I just… what even? Then you have the “infection” that’s neither bacterial nor viral and wraps itself around the “great” sciatic nerve (way better than all those lesser ones) and as soon as the growth rate stops… the infection disappears! Don’t ask questions it’s space science! And then, just when you think you get a 30-second relief from the damnable clips with a frame story, you have to look at Troi’s scrunched up, mascara-runny face to prove that this is all very Emotional. In case you weren’t already aware of how hollow it is.

The writers had no interest in shaping Riker to be anything other than a lame Kirk substitute. I honestly can’t get past the manly coma. What would be so awful about him being scared to die? He lies there talking to Troi, saying nothing. You know what that scene (which they took the time to shoot!) would be good for? Allowing Troi to do her job! Counsel him! In his time of need! But no, he has to set an “example” to…who? Pulaski? Who does he think is watching him? Then he passes out, and his life is flashing before his eyes, and the great moments of the past two years were lots of fighting and bagging guest stars. They had to do a clip show, fine. But why not use this opportunity to show us something about Riker? Didn’t it strike anyone as odd that on the brink of death Riker doesn’t remember any of his crippling daddy issues? Are there really no turning points in his life, no moments that he would think back and, had he made a different choice, would not have wound up where he is? Not even the token scene from his childhood or his teen years? What about cutting the scenes to leave some open questions, like what if he hadn’t come on the Enterprise during Farpoint? Or what if he had taken that command and left everyone? What if he had tried to rekindle his relationship with Troi? Instead, you get into his head and there’s nothing there. It’s a bunch of pointless struggles and forced sexytimes that, when all put together like that, draw your mind to the inevitable conclusion that show was never, ever going to succeed with this creative team. They just needed something on the screen to shove out the door, and they didn’t care what it was, which has been the theme since the beginning. Weak stories, terrible acting, lifeless characters, bad jokes–in a way, it’s the perfect endcap to a dreadful two seasons.

Best Line: PULASKI: There may be some residual memory loss. I just want to be certain that you still know who you are.
RIKER: Of course I know who I am. I’m Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise.

Trivia/Other Notes: Because the show had blown its budget on Sherlock Holmes and the Borg, they wanted a show on the cheap in three days. The writers’ strike of 1988 didn’t help, and this is what you get when you’re low on cash and talent (Hurley, who “wrote” it, called this a “piece of shit”).

Pulaski gets no send-off. The return of Gates McFadden appears to have been a last-minute, over-the-summer-break event following Hurley’s departure.

About Torie Atkinson

20 Comments

1.DemetriosX

Posted November 22, 2012 at 8:57 AM

It’s over. Thank God Almighty, it’s over. You know, if the show had been canceled and this was the very last episode, it would have been just about perfect at demonstrating why TNG was a complete failure. Fortunately for all of us and our beloved legacy, they got a chance to try again and boy did they get better. It’s either ironic or appropriate that we got to this on Thanksgiving, depending on whether your typical Thanksgiving is more Norman Rockwell or more dysfunctional.

One quibble with the trivia. The writer’s strike didn’t mean they ran out of money. They’d blown the season budget on Sherlock Holmes (costumes and lawyers) and the Borg (special effects) and the suits insisted on something that could be filmed in 3 days with little to no extra cost. That’s why we didn’t get scenes from Riker’s childhood or earlier moments in his career: more actors, more sets. Colm Meaney should be glad he got to earn a paycheck that week. The writer’s strike was just the icing on the cake. They couldn’t decide something wasn’t working and change it. They had to go with what was written.

But now it’s over and we’re relatively safe until the Crusher family incubus rears its head.

2.DeepThought

Posted November 22, 2012 at 9:22 AM

What’s really interesting or telling to me about this episode is not just the scenes they didn’t film–which as DemetriosX points out, would’ve defeated the point of having leftovers for dinner–but the clips they had in the can already that they decided not to use. Nothing with Daddy Riker, none of his fatherly advice to Wesley, and shockingly few command decisions. What about moments of emotional turmoil? Trying to decide whether to abandon Picard in the energy cloud? Arguments over the Prime Directive? All the higher order brain functions get swept aside. This is partially just having an intern choose some action shots, so pratfalls and make out scenes trump things with complicated backstory the viewers might have missed; but I choose to view it as a conscious decision which reflects something interesting about how this set of writers interprets the idea of character (and sure of masculinity too) Character is stuff that happens to you while you’re having man-adventures. Not the nuances of what decisions you make or what you value.

In short it’s a show that has yet to embrace Picard.

3.CaitieCat

Posted November 23, 2012 at 10:15 AM

they didn’t care what it was, which has been the theme since the beginning. Weak stories, terrible acting, lifeless characters, bad jokes

Or in other words, “and you folk want me to subject myself to this series voluntarily? Why do you hate me, what have I done to you to deserve this? I swear I didn’t know it was your lunch!”

4.Lemnoc

Posted November 23, 2012 at 1:39 PM

With this episode, Pulaski takes her “supervillain brain-boring machine” and forever departs, never to be mentioned again. It’s a poor sendoff, and fairly disrespectful considering how many far less significant “guest stars” continued to pop up now and again in the course of the franchise.

Sure, she was an abrasive Bones clone, but they actually did invest a little in her character—showed her to be a more dedicated and committed (gifted?) surgeon than I believe Beverly ever demonstrates—and even allowed it to evolve a bit as she integrated with the crew and, particularly, Cmdr. Data.

I wonder at what point the Creative knew McFadden was signed for the third season and therefore could safely jettison her replacement with into space nary a fare-thee-well. As much pride as the Creative apparently felt about squeezing out this turd under budget, seems like they could have engineered a better solution. Like not doing this episode AT ALL, saving the cash, and investing more into “Samaritan Snare,” running that at season’s end complete with Pulaski’s revelation that she really good and really sought this assignment TTFN.

Not that I really liked or cared much about KP—other than the dynamic energy she injected into the nicey-nicey torpor of the main cast two seasons in—but it seems if you are going to introduce a significant character and invest in her, then you should respect that. Hell, Yar got a more teary-eyed send off, lots of maudlin return cameos (“Yar returns. Enterprise turns off lights and pretends not to be home.”) and offhand mentions, and Crosby was probably on screen less and WA-AY less important to any plot or story than Muldaur. And frankly, I found Pulaski a LOT less annoying than Yar.

Sayin’.

5.DemetriosX

Posted November 23, 2012 at 3:56 PM

@4 Lemnoc
I think McFadden’s return only happened over the summer break. IIRC, whichever producer it was she had the conflict with left/got sacked at the end of season 2 and they decided to ask her back since Pulaski wasn’t terrible popular with the fans. Interestingly, while Crusher’s return is essentially the B-plot of the first episode in season 3, absolutely no mention is made of Pulaski or the reason for her departure. It’s like Beverly took a sabbatical or something.

@3 Caitie
I know we keep saying this, but this really is rock bottom. Season 3 starts off a bit mediocre as they clear out the backlog of crap scripts from the first two seasons, but after that it really is good. Honest!

6.dep1701

Posted November 23, 2012 at 6:37 PM

Just in time … an honest to god Thanksgiving turkey!! Thanks to everyone at The Viewscreen, the timing could NOT have been better!

Your comments about the choice of clips to run suggest that you’ve overlooked one subtle point. Going with exciting and/or meaningful clips would have taken this one beyond the expectations raised by the title. “Shades of Gray” suggesting low contrast.

@ 1 DemetriosX
Thanks for the clarification–Memory Alpha said it was the writers’ strike. I’ll fix the post.

I get why they didn’t hire child actors and do that whole schtick, but I still think some creative editing of old clips could have framed it all as a series of open questions on decisions he had made in the series.

@ 3 CaitieCat
A girl after my own heart! That’s one of my favorites. Darin Morgan was such a fantastic writer, and I loved it when he got to star in “Small Potatoes.” As much as I’m a Trekkie, The X-Files probably remains my favorite TV show. One day I’ll do an official re-watch of it. It just wouldn’t feel the same without my Geocities fansite and all those webring awards, though… plus I’d have to dig up my notebook where I kept real-time track of the various mythology from week-to-week. And then I’d have to stop after the movie, because none of that shit ever happened, right?

I joke that the X-Files taught me never to love anything, but I think TNG has a similar lesson.

@ 4 Lemnoc
I didn’t even mention it because I had assumed there was some oblique reference to her departure in the next season’s opener? Wow, that’s so disrespectful. I think Demetrios is right, though, they got her back over the break when they finally fired the creep who was pawing after her. And I don’t think it was just because Pulaski was unpopular with fans–the show only has two women and they wanted them both to be lustable.

@ 6 dep1701
Happy thanksgiving!

@ 7 Ludon
Why is it called “Shades of Gray” anyway? This is a serious question.

9.DemetriosX

Posted November 24, 2012 at 1:06 PM

@Torie
If you’re a big X-Files fan, then you should check out Shaenon Doherty’s weekly rewatch webcomic. You may know her from Narbonic or Skin-Horse. Updates every Friday. She just got to 1.22 (“Born Again”) today so there isn’t too much of a backlog.

10.CaitieCat

Posted November 24, 2012 at 1:10 PM

Torie – I’ve been spoiled by Netflix having the entirety of the show available for streaming; it’s actually become, along with Doctor Who, my favourite “I’m going to sleep now, put something on the telly” shows. Leads to the most interesting dreams. :)

DemetriosX – thanks for the link! Definitely gonna drop by there. :)

11.Lemnoc

Posted November 24, 2012 at 1:39 PM

@8. Torie

I don’t think it was just because Pulaski was unpopular with fans–the show only has two women and they wanted them both to be lustable.

…And yet, I am convinced this is three-fifths the reason the fanboys always freak out and throw tantrums whenever Pulaski is on the screen. I mean, she’s really that worse than any other character? I mean, she’s more insufferable/dispensible than Yar? (over whom the fanboys do not freak out, so there you go for addt’l evidence)

12.DemetriosX

Posted November 24, 2012 at 4:25 PM

I did a little checking at Memory Alpha and it’s pretty obvious that McFadden came back over the summer. Ostensibly the person responsible for her leaving was Maurice Hurley, who is credited as one of the writers of this “episode”. Apparently Hurley also drove off Tracy Tormé and Herbert J. Wright. Of course, all the info over there is heavily white-washed, but even so the guy comes across as a real jerk.

@ 10 Cait
You watch that before you go to sleep?? Brave! Some of it does look silly now but it never relied too heavily on effects and a lot of the creep factor still holds up. Shows like Criminal Intent/Criminal Minds wouldn’t exist but for the X-Files.

I’ve been Law & Order binging these last few months (thanks Netflix Instant) and I love watching the early 90s guest star parade of who is on that, X-Files, and TNG. “Hey, it’s Leonard Betts as a child molester!” and so on. It’s a little like watching recent British television all together where you realize that the entire UK has only 30 actors.

@ 11 Lemnoc
Yeah, why do you think we get the Crusher/Troi pilates interludes we do…

The best thing I can say about this episode is I was surprised so much of it wasn’t a clip show. I didn’t realize that about half of the footage was new, and some of the dialogue wasn’t too bad. I can’t imagine what it was like for all of them to film this episode; I got a “Spock’s Brain” vibe from their level of engagement and the awkward timing and staging of scenes, like pretty much everyone had already checked out and was thinking about what they were going to do over their summer vacation with all their money.

I too agree that this almost could have worked, or at least not been so damn boring, if they had chosen the clips with more care. Opening with the footage of Riker wandering on that barren planet was a good choice, but the selections seemed almost random at times. I wonder how they were chosen, if the “writers” had referenced specific scenes in the script or just left it to an intern to fill in. I pretty much tuned out of the episode once the highlight reel started up, out of some sort of survival instinct, only paying attention to the new bits, which were nearly unwatchable themselves with Troi becoming increasingly emotional and shouty. And hey, did anyone else get the impression that Pulaski was watching Riker’s memories in her instrument like it was a Viewmaster?

And of course the actual plot is thin and ludicrous. They send Geordi down to a dangerous planet because he knows where Riker was injured? Well, I believe the transporter has those coordinates too, or his tricorder, or maybe he could have just told Data about it. Though I suppose they never would have found it, in that case. The whole discovery of the thorny plant was also handled poorly. Supposedly Riker and Geordi had already looked for it, so how did they miss it the first time?

In any case, thank goodness this is over. And thank you all for bearing with us and giving us a reason to go on.

That’s a great webcomic! Thanks for the link. But it’s actually Shaenon Garrity, not Doherty. :) An understandable mistake if you’re thinking of 90s TV! I see this is the same artist who did the “Edward Gorey” adaptation of “The Trouble with Tribbles.” I’ll definitely follow her re-watch. I’ve been wanting to start The X-Files over again for a while. I like it up through the seventh season, but I bailed after seeing most of the eighth.

16.DemetriosX

Posted November 25, 2012 at 6:11 PM

@15 Eugene
Gaaah! Of course it’s Garrity. I’ve been a huge fan of hers ever since Narbonic. Stupid mistake. An interesting challenge will be her inability to draw anything in such a way that it isn’t adorable. Actually, I’m not sure she tries all that hard and probably could draw something scary, but it just isn’t her style. I’d forgotten about the Gorey tribbles.

@ 15 Eugene
It’s clear the mythology was intended to last exactly five seasons. Everything is explained by the end of that season. The movie tied up exactly one loose end. But they kept going, uggh. I watched through the 7th, giving up even before Duchovny left.

@ 16 Demetrios
That will be quite the challenge when she gets to “Home.”

Oh, and a housekeeping note: we’ll be doing a wrap-up, then taking a break while I study for finals, returning around Christmas for Season 3. The good stuff! Though I expect I’ll be around Ten Forward to at least talk about The Hobbit…

I never much cared about the mythology… I was jerked around one too many times with an “explanation.” But I did find the last two seasons entertaining, albeit a different show. But maybe I’ll think differently when I get to them again. There’s actually a good chunk of classic, brilliant X-Files I haven’t seen yet at all, in the fourth season. I’m savoring them.

Also, the episode “Home” completely freaked me out! I fell asleep before it started and woke up in the middle of the episode to the most terrifying, gruesome thing ever. I loved it.

19.bobsandiego

Posted November 29, 2012 at 12:51 PM

I wanted to assembly a comment made entirely of snipetts from previous episode comments but it seemed too much work for a joke…

20.NickM

Posted December 28, 2012 at 3:09 AM

Speaking of working for a joke, how did this episode go through a re-watch and 19 comments without anyone making a book reference?