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France’s most stalwart athlete, Glass Joe, quickly finds out his career is heading for a humiliating end, as his punches are easily dodged by Mac, who then responds by sending jab after jab into Joe’s face. The fight is short and brutal — with Glass Joe spending more time face down than the average hentai game chick.

To some extent, RapeLay represents a substantial evolution in hentai gaming: diverse, real-time, interactive sexual intercourse. But let's be honest. In RapeLay, you rape women in the most abusive manner possible and the women learn to like it. Well-programmed or not, I can't get behind that.

However, one cannot simply loiter near town enriching themselves through the lucrative practice of repeated suicide. The regions of Faxanadu are loaded with dungeons, as well as hostile, mutated dwarves that mean business! Considering the limitations of the NES, many of this game's assortment of baddies are simply incredible. Just look at the boss shaped like a monstrous torso as it bounces towards the hero, teeth gnashing in anticipation of their inevitable plunge through his armor into soft flesh.

I knew better than to hope for a DS game that could capture all of that for me again. Nostalgia sets unrealistic expectations. No, I’m not bitter because things weren’t exactly as I wished for them to be. In many ways, they came much closer than I ever expected. Instead, I’m upset because New Super Mario Bros. has too many issues that get in the way of a consistently good time.

World Championship 2006 is a great game that hints at a potentially excellent future. Unlike its drooling idiot siblings on the half-powered Yu-Gi-Oh! Double Pack, this final GBA edition combines all the card game's actual rules (including Fusion Monsters) with the thrill of purchasing and ripping open hundreds of virtual booster packs. The only things holding this particular Pak back are some audiovisual inadequacies and the sore lack of online play.

As a result, there are plenty of times where you’ll be working through an area and the adventure is cut short because someone was alerted to your presence. The circumstances aren’t always the same—sometimes you’re ducking around robots and shards of glass, while others you might be trying to let the sound of a train mask your movements from a watchdog—but the frustration remains in tact.

Every unit you command is controlled through this set-up. Each time you want to recruit someone to your cause, or give a gift to an especially useful warrior, or develop the land around a stronghold or whatever, you have to wade through menus. Those commands you might wish to use most frequently are generally two or three levels down, to boot.

Most zones require rapid character swapping if you want to discover everything. For example, you might see a ledge you can’t reach. Your Jedi only has a limited jump, but perhaps you have Padme along. She can use her grappling hook to reach higher areas, then trip some switches so that her friends can follow. Or maybe there’s a hidden item. You can see it, but you can’t reach it.

Quick show of hands, who here wants to date a pre-teen Japanese girl? Better yet, what if you could take this lovely young lady on a private holiday, just the two of you exploring the sandy tropical beaches of Bali... would you like that?

One memorable section sends the player down a long corridor to a vast chamber while dodging deadly drops of fluid dripping from the ceiling, leading me to believe my travels had taken me into the depths of the digestive system, where mammoth drops of stomach acid posed a very real threat. Then again, that level’s boss was a snake-like creature that fired bullets suspiciously shaped like sperm, so I may not actually have been in the belly of the beast....

Separation Anxiety, however, does not have that style. Not a bit of it. It doesn’t progress the story with comic panels; it gives you a wall of text before each mission and lets you go. The storyline it came from was weak in the first place, and there’s no attempt to hide that here; most of your time is going to be spent fighting color-swapped versions of the same enemy in exotic locales like the mall and the sewer for poorly explained reasons.

In his briefing, Jimmy is given authorization papers to show guards. He’s told to AVOID combat, sneak around, do what he has to do and get out as quickly as possible. And when he does that, the one-star (maybe two) rating he’ll get upon achieving this hollow success will weigh upon his heart like a scarlet letter of shame.

In the end, the hardest thing to deal with is in knowing that the game will eventually come to an end. Shadow’s brilliance lies in its desire to be different from any other role-playing title out there.

Despite all the silliness surrounding it, the core gameplay is both intuitive and smooth. At its heart, Sidetracked is a single-player hack-and-slash, most similar to a fully-3D Golden Axe. Like the classic old-school brawlers, levels are straightforward, there's a lot of button-mashing, and the enemies are repetitive. Fortunately, the game's always free-flowing and fast-paced. There's never any dead space... wherever you walk, enemies will follow, and those enemies must be ELIMINATED!