A Perfect Day in Space

The only place where man is right is alone in space. Nobody telling him to take out the trash, get a job, or quit being a momma’s boy. Of course, it will get lonely at some point so he’ll need to have some astronaut buddies to hang with and the occasional visit to the space pub to get some R and R.

But imagine that, being free in the middle of the universe without the pressures of holding a full time job and living up to the high standards of society like bathing and other unnecessary tasks. Of course, you’d still have to do your astronaut duties like make sure the plants are growing using your poop as fertilizer, space chores that can mostly be handled by the computer and robots, and recording video logs like this:

Woke up in the morning – well time is relative when you’re in space depending on your position to the sun – and still had air left in our spaceship, which is a good thing because I’m not ready to die yet.

No alien encounters yet beyond the strange anti-aging bacteria we discovered on planet Dude, which looked a lot like New Mexico. I must admit, the effects of this bacteria which we ingested through the bottle of whiskey I smuggled in the cabin (don’t ask me how but my butt hurts) are quite impressive. Captain Colin who has been bald for 30 years since he turned 32 has now grown a full head of hair, not to mention the chest and arm hair growth making him look like he’s wearing a badly stitched sweater. This might be the new stem cell panacea. (Note to self: start own network marketing company selling bacteria in coffee) We’ll have to wait a few more days to see if it has any side effects, which hopefully does not include death.

The vegetables we planted last month are now ready to be harvested. Matt Damon in the movie The Martian was right, human feces can really be used as a fertilizer. As for the taste, we have no idea yet. But I did eat a lot of corn back on earth.

So far so good. Only 360 more days to go in space. Can’t wait to get back to gravity.

Your only concern would be not to get bored while you’re up there and to keep your astronuts from freezing. And if by any chance you discover some new alien life form or a planet, you’d come home a hero. Actually, even if you didn’t discover anything at all, you’d still come home a hero. Nobody can ever top you when you go to a party and someone asks what you do for a living. Who can have a more superior answer to, “Yeah, I’m an astronaut.” That is the deal closer.