Month: November 2013

Everything you wanted to know about queer sex but had no one to ask about it!

The Queer Student Commission has gathered a team of panelists who are experts in and extremely knowledgable about queer sex to answer any and all questions you may have about bodies, minds and the ways they can interact with each other in a nonheteronormative and noncisnormative context. Debunk all the myths you may have heard in high school or ask anything you’ve wanted to know about how bodies work.

The experts on our panel are Tobi Hill-Meyer, Seattle-based trans activist and educator, Allena Gabosch, director of the Center for Sex Positive Culture, Mac McGregor, trans activist and educator and City of Seattle LGBTQI Sensitivity Trainer, and Nik Fuentes, Babeland Sex Educator, and they will be happy to answer any and all questions you may have.

Note about accessibility: Please refrain from wearing scented products, as we want to keep the space as scent-free as possible. Savery 264 is wheelchair accessible via the southeast entrance and has elevators to the second floor. ASL interpretation available upon request. If you have any questions, contact Kristen Blackburn at asuwqsc@uw.edu

I am a queer person with a vagina who has always thought of herself as cis. Lately I have been really wanting to buy a binder because I occasionally very much dislike the appearance and feel of my breasts. I don’t think of myself as anything but a woman and still don’t, but I’m a little confused by this. I know labels are something one has to choose for themselves but I am sort of struggling with identity because of this. Am I a cissexual who just doesn’t like my own boobs, or am I some type of genderqueer?

If you don’t think of yourself as anything but a woman, this question kind of answers itself. Breasts do not a woman make. There are plenty of cis women who don’t like having breasts, want smaller breasts, whatever. And discomfort with gendered parts of your body is not equivalent to genderqueerness, especially when from what I can tell you’re so comfortable with identifying yourself as a woman. There are some pretty great and very cheap binders on eBay that you can check out, like this or this. I’m pretty sure I own the second one, and it works really well. I have DDD breasts and with my binder on it looks like this:

So that’s pretty decent. Especially if it’s just something you want to test out without spending a ton of money. I don’t think you need to worry about your gender identity, but that’s up to you to think about. I hope this helped!

Ive always known myself to be a cis girl, preferring she/her pronouns, grouping myself with girls, etc but Ive never really felt 100% girl??? Only very very recently have I started to consider the possibility of me being any other gender and I’ve started to personally consider myself as agender. I just feel it fits me better, but I’m so used to understanding myself as being a girl so I don’t want to go through telling everyone I know to refer to me by they/them pronouns only to find out that I am no longer comfortable with that identity. I just really dont know where to go to from here? Do I wait and think about it some more? Is there some way I can try out being agender?

First and foremost I just want to say that I 100% support anyone and everyone exploring the different shades of their own gender, whether you ultimately identify with what you were assigned at birth or not. I think it’s really productive, fosters empathy, and ultimately just leaves you more satisfied with yourself. That’s my two cents, both from my own experience and from observing my friends and peers. I think your last question is really powerful, and I just want to give you a short answer: yes.

You sending me this message makes me think that you’ve thought about it enough to just need a bit of affirmation. Exploring different or new aspects of your gender identity does not require you to dissociate from what you’ve affiliated with in the past. Pronouns are pretty powerful, and what I recommend more than anything is telling a handful of the people you’re closest to (maybe even who you talk to most) that you want to try new pronouns. I completely understand not wanting to commit yourself to something so vague and malleable, but I also want you to understand that it’s okay for something to feel right at one time and not feel right at another. This is something new that you’re exploring, and I don’t want you to restrict yourself because you’re nervous it won’t pan out. In terms of how you interact with others, language is what’s most important, in my opinion. If you ask a few people to refer to you with they/them, hold them to it (for the sake of you not being frustrated, I would hit up the most queer-literate friends you know first).

You don’t need to burn your dresses and start binding and cut your hair and whatever else is strongly associated with nonbinary identities to BE nonbinary. There’s no one way to be not cis, so I say just focus on what draws you to the idea of being agender, or even what not being a girl means to you. Personally, I associate myself very strongly with the idea of nonbinarism, and maybe even lean towards my own concept of masculinity, but my favorite outfit still involves a skirt and tights and I look damn good with the right eyeliner. It doesn’t make me less nb. Do whatever feels right in the moment, try to not ascribe behaviors and appearances to specific genders, and see how that feels. And don’t be afraid that what you’re doing and what you’re exploring won’t be what you want down the road, just grow with your understanding of gender and test the waters a little bit in regards to how you let people refer to you. I hope this helps, try to have fun with it, and good luck!

Join the QSC and the Q Center in a day of action of remembrance for the trans people we’ve lost to transphobic and transmisogynistic attacks in the past year. On the Trans Day of Remembrance, November 20th, we will be outside of the HUB entrance during the 12:20-12:30 passing period holding signs and speaking out against transphobic and transmisogynistic violence. Afterwards, there will be a space for building community together in the Q Center, with snacks.

Craft materials to make the signs can be found in the Q Center, HUB 315, and will be available all week, so if you have free time come in and make a sign for the day! The goal is to have a bunch of signs that bring awareness to and condemn the violence that many trans people face in their day to day lives, be that symbolic or physical violence.

If you want to speak during the time of action (we’ll have a megaphone for people to speak their piece through) or if you have any questions about the event, contact Kristen Blackburn atasuwqsc@uw.edu

QYS will also be hosting an event put on by various COMMUNITY ORGANIZERS & ORGANIZATIONS!

Trans* Day of Remembrance
It is a time set aside each year to memorialize those killed due to transphobia. this will be a space for our Seattle transgender/trans* and allied communities to mourn & heal collectively.

We hope to do a different kind of Trans Day of Remembrance. Some things that will differ from the National model include:
• Focusing on the ways trans & gender variant people lived, not died
• Avoiding Trauma Tourism: Identifying the ways in which trans people often only get talked about/ noticed in negative/ violent contexts
• Centering & prioritizing voices of those most affected by transphobia & violence (including trans women, trans people of color, youth)
• Creating an altar where we can remember people who we’ve lost to institutional violence as well (lack of access to healthcare, mental health svc, housing, mistreatment in services/ schools/ jobs, etc)
• Sound Healing and Meditation by Noory Lee and Curry Knox, Zenyu http://zenyuhealing.wordpress.com/

Hi! I’m agender and I really want to come out to my friends and family, but I feel like they’ll invalidate me and say I’m just shallow by labelling myself (my mom already thinks that the gender spectrum isn’t real and thinks trans* identities are stupid). How did you first come out to people you know, and how did they react?

I’m kind of a weird example, because my coming out was super painless on most fronts. However, I think there’s a reason why it was so easy for me. Me embracing my queerness was a result of me getting more into social justice, queer activism and education, etc, and I’m the kind of person who likes to share what they’re excited about with their friends and family. So before me coming out was even a thing, the people who mattered to me knew that queer issues really mattered to me. We would have debates, I would attempt to educate (though this was like 2-3 years ago and I had no finesse), and above all it would just be something that I talked about a LOT. Obviously not everyone was super receptive to my stances, but they at least respected and recognized that it mattered to me. And those who didn’t weren’t people I kept around me. If people are really, really stubborn stick to the fact that this isn’t about them, it’s about you. It’s really important to you, and you’re telling them about it because they matter to you. Regardless of how they feel about it, this is what seems right to you. If you want to come out, then this is something you’ve spent a lot of time thinking about and it’s very courageous of you to want to do this despite your worries. Some people take a lot of time to warm up to new concepts, so unfortunately there’s a lot of patience required for a clean coming out. Stand by the fact that you know this is right for you!