How to Feel Secure in a Relationship

Are you one of the many women who just don’t know how to feel secure in a relationship? Do you struggle with anxiety when you feel unsure about where you stand or where or if you relationship is going anywhere at all. Do you long for security in a relationship?

What does security look and feel like to you in a relationship? Does it mean he will never stray or cheat? Does it mean a lifetime of commitment? Do you equate security with a man being able to provide for you and your family? Do you long for the security of a home, a husband, and children? What does it take for you to feel secure, especially in a relationship?

Here is a thought for you. Could it be possible that the security that you seek does not exist. At the most security is fleeting and temporary. I think true freedom comes when you realize the only security you have it that there actually isn’t any. The closest we come to security is being secure in the knowledge that whatever happens, you will be okay. You will survive.

To quote the late Wayne Dyer” Only the insecure strive for security.” Longing for security in life including security in relationships is wanting for that which you feel you do not already have. If there is no such thing as security does it make sense to spend your life chasing after it?

How many times have you found yourself hurt? How many friends have you nursed back to emotional well being that were hurt? How many deaths have you experienced in your life or witnessed in the lives of others? How many job losses have you seen happen, financial worlds crumble in an instant? There are no guarantees and there is no such thing as permanence.

Nothing is permanent.

I recently watched a man lose his wife and his job after 30 years. His world shifted I am sure. I don’t know about you, but anytime my world has been rocked like this, I am starkly aware of the fact that there is no real security outside of myself. My biggest growth has come in these times.

If our worlds remain safe and secure at all times, there is no need or drive to expand.

If you could let go or your expectations of security what would your life be like? You would have the ability to enjoy and relish in the moment of right now. That is what would happen. You open wide to love when you let go of that need to feel secure in a relationship. When you let go of the fantasies of the mind, love comes in from all directions.

Your need for security is actually a block to love.

When you demand security in life, you are depending on people and sources outside of yourself. People and things to which you have absolutely no control. It makes you cautious and yes, even calculating. Love can’t thrive in that environment. It’s a fearful place and love and fear can’t exist together.

If you feel fear, your can’t feel secure in a relationship!

“There’s no such thing as security in this life sweetheart, and the sooner you accept that fact, the better off you’ll be. The person who strives for security will never be free. The person who believes she’s found security will never reach paradise. What she mistakes for security is purgatory. You know what purgatory is, Gwendolyn? It’s the waiting room, it’s the lobby. Not only does she have the wrong libretto, she’s stuck in the lobby where she can’t see the show.”― Tom Robbins, Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas

Security is an illusion that many of us have bought into simply because it was programed into our brains. Our parents taught us to go to school, go to college, get married, have babies, work a job all your life and save. Then you can retire and be secure forever, Amen. Some of us have this programmed into us so deeply that we kick, fight and scoff at the idea this kind of life may not be the most fulfilling. It’s the normal, it’s the common expectation. That does not make it a truth.

A new more accurate definition of security is to be firmly rooted into your own well being. To trust yourself to make decisions and to be okay no matter what. Security is the acceptance and being okay with the fact that life is ever changing. Security is determined by your ability to live in the now moment. This means letting go of regrets of the past and releasing anxiety of thoughts of the future. When you get to this point, you will feel secure in a relationship. You will actually feel secure in all of your relationships.

Insecurity is really lack of trust in yourself.

When you lack trust in yourself, it’s projected outwards onto others and this is why you don’t know how to feel secure in a relationship.

Please share this with the buttons below and I’d like to hear your comments as well and if you want me to address more scenarios write it on the comment section below (and don’t forget to subscribe to this blog for more insight into the mind of men on the right side bar so you’ll get notified for each new post).

Want to learn more the ins and outs of inspiring the man you adore to commit to you THE MOST DEFINITE WAY? Here’s the most affordable way: by working with me face to face in a very relaxed, fun and intimate setting in my own home! And you will get some of the coaching programs I mention here as bonuses as well so you can start listening to them before coming to the weekend getaway. I promise you it’ll be one of the most worthwhile investments you’ll ever make in your life. Your life will turn upside down for the better after the retreat if you practice all the skills I teach there.