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Today…I pulled my shit together

Today I pulled my shit together and there was still so much more to do. I got up ready to try again. Yes, I am riding on that resolution BS, but I will take what I can get when I can get it. Never underestimate the power of group mentality. To say I have been trying to figure it out since the last time I wrote would be an understatement. I have yet again had my heartbroken by those I didn’t even know were holding it, drank vegetables in liquid form, paid to run in races, binge watched shows that gave me nightmares and quit jobs that were probably good for me.

Every morning I get up and sigh. I sigh so loud I’m afraid I will wake up my roommates. Then I immediately think f*ck ’em. Then quickly backtrack and think, I’m so sorry guys I actually don’t hate you But then I think, God I swear so much. Oh then I’m like, God…? Oh hey man, I’m sorry about, well everything that has just happened in the last 5 seconds since I opened my eyes. And then by the time I finish this exchange I’m exhausted and its time for work. So what I have learned since August 09, 2015…? That I know nothing at all. And maybe we’re all just faking it. And I need to get better at faking it to survive. And if this isn’t the truth I want to meet the man who gets up each day greeting the sky and ask if I can stay with him a while.

I am most at peace right here, right now. Writing. I know that. So I should use that knowledge as power for my next journey. Finding the thing that makes me greet the sky each morning. I would like to promise to cut the shit with the sighing and swearing but I can only lose one vice at a time. I will keep you posted which one I choose.