`Bad Girl,' A Diary Of Teen Angst

West Hartford Girl's Book Examines Her Recovery

Abigail Vona was a girl out of control. By age 15, this West Hartford daughter got high regularly (often with her older brother), ran away from home, stole and befriended a crew of dangerous misfits.

Eventually, her father had her committed to Peninsula Village, a behavior modification center in Tennessee that begins with ``level-three lockdown'' treatment. That means she was watched constantly, wasn't allowed to use utensils to eat (to prevent possible suicide), had regular therapy and was physically restrained if she acted out. Vona chronicles the year she spent in treatment in her fascinating book, ``Bad Girl: Confessions of a Teenage Delinquent'' (Rugged Land, $22.95).

The story opens as Vona realizes she is not at sleep-away camp, where her dad told her she was heading. Terrified, Vona demands to know what is happening and where she is. She is physically restrained by several large staff members, who insist she apologize for her outburst to the other young women in the dorm-like facility.

The opening chapters are frightening for both Vona and the reader, but ultimately she finds comfort and safety in her new situation. Temptation is limited, she has supportive peers and the security of structure. After several months she is able to leave the high-security facility and live in a wilderness-type camp where she and other patients bond and work as a team both physically (they do chores such as chopping wood and tending a garden) and emotionally.

Vona weaves her current situation with stories of rebellion from her past. We watch her evolve from a bad girl who blames her every out-of-control move on her father, stepmother and friends, to a young adult who takes responsibility for her actions.

As with anyone examining their life, Vona learns that outside influences such as family life (her mother got high with her two children) do affect her. It is through the honesty and support of her fellow ``inmates'' -- young girls turned prostitutes and severely neglected teens -- that she realizes that no matter what your family circumstances, you are the only one who controls your destiny.

Now 20, Vona attends classes at the New School in New York City.

Q: Writing this memoir exposed difficult, even ugly parts of your life. Why tell this story?

A: It was a story that I felt I needed to tell. I thought it was a fairly positive story in such a situation that's usually not positive. ``Girl Interrupted'' was not positive. I thought that I was not necessarily going to help people, but bring some truth to that sort of thing.

Q: The memoir is incredibly detailed. How were you able to recall such vivid accounts?

A: I visited [Peninsula Village] while writing it. You're allowed to visit. I made three trips down. It definitely jogged my memory. The girls were pretty hard to forget. The memory of the girls was much richer than the actual place. When I was there, the rules and structure, I got a sense more of how the place was set up. I started writing immediately after I left. It took three years to write it. It started as a journal. Then it turned into more of a story.

I went to Hall High School. Then I went to boarding school where my mom was a teacher, the Forman School in Litchfield. It's a school for dyslexics. I had a lot of free time during school to write this. I had a lot of help from other teachers. By the time I was 18, I had finished the book.

Q: What was it like reintegrating into your life after leaving the institution?

A: I spent the summer in West Hartford. I realized I had to be careful. I realized I had to break off from my old friends. It was difficult to avoid them because it was my hometown. I was going to the School of Visual Arts, but now I'm going to the New School, it's an extension of NYU. I'm studying acting and screenwriting.

Q: How did living and working in such a close-knit environment and engaging in group therapy help you change?

A: They not only showed me what life is like if you keep going down the road a lot of teens take, they're extreme cases of problems that most people have. In a way, they're able to show an example of how not to live life despite the fact that your life might be hardly anything like theirs. Though there a lot of similarities.

Q: There are patient notes throughout the book. How didyou get access to them?

A: It's hard to get your own records. We had to work legally to get them. I had to sign release forms. They didn't really want to give me the records. You own your records after a certain number of years.