Syrian refugee with heartrending backstory also terribly horny

A Syrian refugee living in Berlin who made a perilous journey to Europe after losing his entire family in his country’s civil war is nevertheless very horny.

Muhammad, a 23-year-old former engineering student from Homs, was just beginning his studies in 2011 when fighting broke out. Two of his elder brothers who were conscripted into the Syrian military were later killed in action, and his remaining siblings, parents, and entire extended family perished during a bombardment that targeted their neighborhood the following year.

“I fled to Turkey with the few belongings I had on my person,” he said. “It took me three years to walk across the country, and when I got to the west, I paid smugglers the last of my money for a spot in a packed, totally unseaworthy vessel, but the crappy boat capsized halfway to Greece, and the lifejacket I had bought turned out to be fake, so I nearly drowned.”

Once he waded ashore on the Greek island of Lesbos, Muhammad began the 1500-mile (2200-kilometer) trek to Germany. Along the way, he was attacked by a gang of skinheads, was nearly killed after being hit by a motorcyclist in Serbia, and he got severe food poisoning after eating rotten food that a passing Hungarian trucker had given him.

“As shocking as it may sound, despite my many brushes with death and this constant soul-crushing sense of woe and hopelessness, I still find myself often dreaming about women and having wild sex with them,” he said.

While many Germans support Chancellor Angela Merkel’s program to admit a million refugees — nearly three-quarters of whom are adult men, according the UN — most are still unwilling to accept that the sad individuals who have witnessed so much war and death are also incurably libidinous and spend half their waking hours devising elaborate fantasies about fucking women in their host country.

Inge Schuster, a mayor from a village in the southern state of Bavaria, says that refugees should stop thinking about sex for at least a few years while they learn German and integrate themselves into society.

“As a student, I spent a whole year in Spain, and I repressed all sexual desire until I was fluent in Spanish and knew every Lorca poem by heart,” she said. “It was not until my last week in the country when I allowed myself a hot tryst with a beautiful Andalusian lifeguard I met on the beach in Torremolinos,” she said. “Such is the proper way to deal with lust when you’re a foreigner living in another country.”

Muhammad says that while he understands that his mere presence is laden with political significance, and that he elicits profound sympathy or suspicion wherever he goes, at the end of the day he’s just a sex-starved young man who would give anything to get a little action.

“I love that strangers here come up to me and offer me food and bottles of water, but what I’d really like is to fuck a woman,” he says. “Sadly, my German sucks, I’ve not had a proper haircut in ages, my underwear is full of holes, and this deodorant given to me by the Red Cross actually makes me smell like goat cheese.”

“Given the circumstances, I cannot see how I’ll be able to score a chick anytime soon,” he added. “Please, help me.”

Some charity organizations in Germany are recognizing the need for desperate refugees to get laid, so they are beginning to offer prostitution services to young men like Mohammad, but the supply of sex workers is not nearly enough to meet demand.

Consequently, state governments are launching appeals for young German women to take care of refugee men in their communities. These appeals are being branded as not only a humanitarian move, but as part of a larger effort to reduce the likelihood of situations such as what occurred in Cologne on New Year’s Eve, when thousands of drunk, horny refugee men gathered in the city center and allegedly sexually assaulted women.

“Sometimes, open arms are not enough,” reads one poster currently being distributed by aid agencies in Hamburg.