And the Sherdoggy Goes To

And the Sherdoggy Goes To

Television has the Emmys. Movies have the Oscars. Now MMA can lay
claim to its own brand of self-congratulatory ceremony with the
Sherdoggys, a soon-to-be highly coveted award that recognizes
extraordinary achievement in the field of punching people in the
face.

Winners in 10 categories were chosen based on effective striking,
grappling, Octagon control, and who popped into my head at any
given moment. 2005’s inaugural ceremony will be a text-only
presentation. Winners are encouraged not to acknowledge the honor
on their resume.

The envelopes, please.

Celebrity Endorsement of the Year Nominees:

Kevin James The well-fed star of King of Queens has
been a friend to the sport for years, casting Bas Rutten(Pictures) in several television roles. Now
he’s sporting Rutten and Triggonomics t-shirts on his CBS sitcom.
Would it kill Jerry Stiller to rock a UFC beanie?

Joe Rogan Pound for vein-throbbing pound, no celebrity does
more for spreading MMA‘s goodwill. He’s even willing to pop a
capillary in Wesley Snipes, putting at least 30 percent of BET‘s
2007 schedule at risk.

The Dude From That ‘70s Show Fez? Pez? The guy is a
UFC crowd staple. And who knew he really talked like that?

50 Cent The Gangsta rapper graciously hosted wraparounds to
Spike’s Ultimate Fighter 2 marathon. I say “graciously”
because we still didn’t see his movie.

Sherdoggy Goes To: Roy Jones, Jr., who is said to “respect
the hands” of slugger Forrest Griffin(Pictures) according to announcer Mike
Goldberg. In other news: Mike Goldberg sits on a throne of
lies.

Gratuitous Xyience Plug of the Year Nominees:

Rich Franklin(Pictures) Sincere middleweight
champ Franklin made sure to down some delicious Xyience at the
40-minute mark of every TUF 2 installment. And he made sure
every single hombre in the house had some, even if he had to use a
funnel and a speculum. Coming up on the DVD’s deleted scenes:
Mike Whitehead(Pictures) skips a shake and pays the
price; how you can turn a discarded NOX-CG3 can into a flotation
device.

Chuck Liddell(Pictures) The light heavyweight
champ makes sure to cross his arms in an “X” after every victory.
Subliminal advertising at its finest.

The Octagon The fabled UFC logo has been overtaken by a
massive supplement can in the middle of the canvas. And here you
thought bloodstains on your advertising would be a demerit.

Sherdoggy Goes To: This article. The irony runs deep.

Mainstream Incompetent of the Year Nominees:

Donny Deutsch The pseudo-intellectual host of CNBC’s Big
Idea spent 30 minutes being corrected by Forrest Griffin(Pictures) and other UFC personalities,
invited on a neurologist who cited Hulk Hogan as a source, and
continued to lambaste the safety practices of the sport while
plugging his next segment … on the death of a boxer.

Boston Herald A caged bird’s best friend. Ran several
pieces demonizing MMA and club fighter Sean Gannon, never stopping to
fact-check anything along the way.

Burger King Though not technically a commentary on MMA,
thinking Coq Roq would appeal to the sport’s demographic is insult
enough.

New York State Athletic Commission The dinosaurs who oversee
the combat sports in the Empire State still refuse to acknowledge
that MMA is still far safer than a Central Park stroll.

Sherdoggy Goes To: NBA beanpole Dirk Nowitzki, who
affectionately referred to MMA as “crap” during a recent Sports
Illustrated Q&A. Those Germans and their good judgment.

Sherdoggy Goes To:Shannon Ritch(Pictures), for his tour de force portrayal
of a pro fighter in any number of matches. Squint and you might
think you’re seeing the real thing.

Quote of the Year Nominees:

“And tell ‘em the Iceman sent ya!” Before Xyience dug a
little deeper into their budget for commercials featuring Chuck Liddell(Pictures) and Forrest Griffin(Pictures) hustling a heavy bag through the
desert, they unloaded this gem. Liddell stands in front of a camera
and advises you to drop his name at your local nutrition center.
Call me crazy, but “The Iceman sent me!” hints less at creatine
consumption and more at someone about to knife you in the
sternum.

“Let’s run this shit!” Venerable Internet icon Kimbo Slice
comes complete with his own catchphrases. This is the least
offensive one I could find.

“Dude, just say it. Matt thinks the crowd is chanting,
’Homo!’” Joe Rogan spares no love for fill-in broadcaster Matt
Vasgersian, throwing him under the proverbial bus by airing
Vasgersian’s written interpretation of hostile jeers during the
Gonzaga-Jordan snooze fest.