Sunday, July 10, 2011

Cats and cat naps

I think I've figured out why cats only sleep for twenty minutes at a time. It's that whole "curl into a ball" thing they inevitably end up in.

As they curl up, their feel get closer and closer to their noses.

Imagine the dream.

"I see you mouse"

The mouse froze. I can sense the terror in its eyes. It looks to the left and right trying to find a route to safety. Haha!

"You can't escape me little mouse", I think, "I know all the exits. I know everywhere you can go, and if you move, I can calculate your likely position and the thrust I need to jump on to you in a fraction of a millisecond."

The mouse looks left and right. I wait for him to make his move.

But I sense something is wrong. The mouse seems to have a glint in his eye! He squeaks at me. The bastard! He is taunting me. I prepare to leap. I no longer care if the mouse is going to move or not, I will jump on him anyway. Ha!

I prepare myself. I make my calculations. And I jump! I fly through the air, and my claws land in something soft!

Got you!

But I hear squeaking beside me. My eyes turn and I see the mouse next to me. The mouse is squeaking, he is laughing at me! The mouse is mocking me!

But what do I have? I begin to smell something. I smell cheese. Cheese! I look at my claws, and they are covered in cheese! I must have jumped on to the mouse's cheese!

The mouse is now not just squeaking, it is throwing more and more cheese at me. More and more cheese! I try to move, but my paws are stuck in the cheese, there's just so much of it! My nostrils fill with the increasingly pungent aroma.

"Squeak squeak!" teases the mouse. He runs around in front of me, and I can do nothing about it. So much cheese! It is overpowering!

I must catch that damned mouse!

I try to move forward, but I can barely move, I cannot breath with the air so thick with the cheesy smell, and my feet are so stuck in the cheese. I am desperate, I cannot catch the mouse like this! I try to breath, I can barely breath and...

...what the hell? I just woke up and my back feet are right up against my nose.