That’s because it’s printed on special paper the lab boys cooked up that makes you read whatever’s printed on it in my voice. It’s working like a charm for me but hell, I read everything in my voice anyway. So if you’re reading this in Elmer Fudd’s voice or something, you might want to flag down a test associate and let ‘em know because that’s not supposed to happen.

Oh and just a heads-up—the lab boys just told me the special paper that makes you read everything in my voice might have a few side effects. So if you’re reading something printed on it and you experience a sudden awareness of your tongue taking up space in your mouth or you realize you haven’t blinked or swallowed in a while, whatever you do, DO NOT YAWN. We don’t know what’ll happen, but it probably won’t be a weekend in the Bahamas with a drink that has a little paper umbrella in it if you know what I mean.

(Whipped this up to be used on an instructional letter enclosed with the Aperture Science Two-Dimensional Testing Initiative Kit I'm working on to peddle for Relay For Life donations at a con. :) )

Title: Just Past MidnightRating: T for TeenLength/size: 464 wordsContent notes/Warnings: noneSummary: Forget about seeing the sun. Right now, Chell would settle for a good watch. (GLaDOS and Chell have a rather one-sided talk.)

Watch your step on your way out of the inter-dimensional hyper-spacial permanent time portal. I don't need no alien head mucus splattering the floor of my facility if you fall. The lab boys have said this is a terrible idea, so naturally we've gone right ahead and done it. If you'll continue on through the facility, it's very possible you'll see my track record with them. It's not pretty.

If any of you don't understand a word I'm saying, don't worry, we've prepared for that. There'll be an associate waiting for you to attach a translator to you. Now, don't worry. It might look scary but I promise you'll feel a lot better when you can speak English. That's a promise.

Since you're from all over the infinite dimensions out there, it's very likely you're not human. That's okay. As long as you're organic, you can be tested. For reference, my name's Cave Johnson. What you're hearing is a prerecorded message so don't try to talk back at me; I won't listen. Now get moving! And get testing. Remember, testing is the future, and the future starts with you."

Though you may expect to be in the hubbub of Aperture, this place you've fallen into is rusty and old. There's no associate waiting to hand you a translator, but there are some laying around in the ruins. The giant portal you've come through is still on, but if you try to go back through it you'll find yourself in a completely foreign place.

Any hope of returning to where you come from resides back in Aperture. Best get back soon before the portal disappears.

aperturescienceis a dressing room type setting open to any and all characters from all over the canon map. This includes anyone from Portal characters (yes, even Cave Johnson - have fun hearing yourself) to Pretty Little Liars and all the anime and manga and webcomics in between.

Someone has taken the time to create a short fan movie for Portal2. I haven't personally seen it yet (as I'm only halfway through the game and am trying to avoid spoilers), but word on the internet is that it's pretty good. Hope you guys enjoy it.

The Summer Mapping Initiative contest is PC-only. If you have the PC version it sounds like you will be able to run through the submitted maps once the contest is ended as well, but I'm not sure of this.

Hello! I have a thing to post! Not so much for SCIENCE, though. It's more like a vestige of the vague liberal arts degree that left you swimming in Propulsion Gel for that sweet $60. It's still nice, though.

Um, spoilers, I guess? Go finish the game, I mean come on May is more than halfway over already. Seriously, if for some reason you haven't seen the final cinematic, don't spoil yourself.

As a general rule, Aperture Science doesn't believe in rules. Except for the rules outlined below:

All NSFW material must be labelled and under a cut. Aperture Science employees visit this community, and they don't want a repeat of last year's embarrassing surprise government inspection.

Respect other members. This isn't the Human Enrichment and Testing Department, you have nothing to gain by tormenting members. And not to be alarmist or anything, but Aperture is very, very concerned with the amount of negative publicity they've been getting. So no insult or fights, no matter how many birth parents a fan may not have.

Do not spam or advertise in the community. This is because Spam is gross. As for advertising, if you'd like to become a Friend of Science and/or Enemy of Black Mesa, you can contact terabient about it. It's not like she's doing anything worthwhile...except considering your highly-valued affiliation request, of course! Yes. You matter.