At first I felt insulted and sick and wished people who hated sensitive people could somehow be barred from my site. I felt responsible for it though since I wrote a post with an intentionally provocative title. But, the post is not about hating introverts, HSPs, or INFJs. It’s about hating the labels we put on each other and ourselves. Unfortunately, Google and other search engines don’t know that. Shame.

So people who hate introverts, HSP, INFJ find my site and hopefully leave bitterly disappointed.

After I was done being, ironically, sensitive about someone hating sensitive people, I started to wonder about that person, that hater.

What was their goal or motivation? What were they really searching for? What did they really want to know?

Let me put my empathy hat on. OK, done.

I Google everything, but have I ever Googled “I hate “? Nope.

OK. What or who do I hate? Hate’s a strong word. I use it a lot but I don’t always mean “hate”. Usually I mean “strongly dislike” or I think something is wrong, overrated, gross, or just plain crap.

I do hate John Mayer as I’ve defined “hate”. And Michael Bublè. I just think they’re really douchey. They both rub me the wrong way. I feel a rant starting. I’d better stop.

So, I hate…let’s use John Mayer. Would I ever Google “I hate John Mayer”? No. Why would I waste my time even typing his name? (Unless I’m trying to make a point.) If I hate something, I really, really, really don’t want to spend time thinking about it.

The only situation in which I could see myself Googling “I hate John Mayer” is if I wanted validation for my feelings. Or, I wanted to feel less alone in my hatred. (Hatred does make you feel alone, doesn’t it?) Or, I wanted to connect with other John Mayer haters.

I would Google “I hate John Mayer” because I wanted to feel understood.

Is that why this hater searched for “I hate sensitive people”?

Maybe they’ve been in situations where they’ve said or done something without ill-intentions, without looking to offend and ended up upsetting and offending someone. I can understand how frustrating that can be and how if you constantly have your words, actions and intentions misunderstood, you may see those people as being too sensitive and hate them for making you feel wrong all the time.

Maybe the hater is one of those HTFU (Harden The Fuck Up) people who think everyone should be tough and never let anything in or out. If you’re “hard”, sensitive people must suck.

Maybe the hater is just a jerk. A jerk who wants everyone to be OK with their jerkiness. Sensitive people are usually not OK with jerks and will let them know in some way (but never by calling them a jerk). Jerks usually hate being reminded that they’re jerks.

I believe the real reason people hate sensitive people is that they can’t handle their own emotions. Feelings and emotions scare them or are a foreign language to them and sensitive people remind them of their deficiency. Aren’t the haters of sensitive people really saying with their hate: “Your feelings, reactions, and lack of toughness BOTHER ME”? Doesn’t that mean they’re the sensitive ones?

Sensitive people respond/react to things that are happening. If someone motions to punch you in the face and you respond to that by turning your face, blocking the shot, ducking, or hitting them back, are you overreacting? Are you too sensitive?

The thing I love the most is that I’m trying to understand someone who hates people like me. Typical sensitive person. That hater would really hate this post.

Doesn’t this image sum up what’s probably going on inside that hater?:

I think he has a sad human being trapped inside who doesn’t like himself. Awww.

I always tell my children that if someone is mean to them, then it is more about the other child and not them. I think it is really sad that anyone would hate us sensitive souls, but agree with you – they find it hard when someone is emotional or sensitive, so is way more about them, than it is us!

HSP can also be very self centered and difficult to deal with. When someone googles I hate HSP it is mostly likely the sheer frustration of years of trying to tip toe around them and make them happy. It kinda sucks.

I thought a lot about your comment.
Here’s what I think: PEOPLE can be self centred and difficult to deal with. I don’t know if it’s her/his sensitivity that’s the problem.
Maybe the problem is she isn’t getting what she needs. Maybe you’re not either. Maybe hating HSP doesn’t help. Maybe stop tiptoeing around her and see what happens.

PS I should add that a few kind words, a smile and a pleasant attitude can really help when you are around HSP AND all other people. A friendly smile and a pleasant attitude helps when dealing with everyone. Most people of all types respond to good manners, non-judgemental attitude and a little kindness. 🙂

Great post. I think you pegged it completely – people hate sensitive people because they dislike being reminded that they’re jerks. I think it’s the sense of betrayal that results from saying or doing horrible things and then finding that we aren’t kindred malicious spirits.

I think also that when some people see a quality in others that they don’t themselves possess, they feel a bit envious,and then they lash out in a reactionary way. So I guess it really is all about them, and so HSP shouldn’t be too hurt, and shouldn’t dwell on it. As a HSP I have to get used to pressing my emotional “delete” key; but I must admit that this is difficult for me. I really have to work on this one.

Also, I have to work on letting go of the past, but that is so hard for me. Maybe I will never be able to let go, but I hope that I can handle it in a better way for my own peace of mind.

Thanks again to Melene for your great writing, in both subject matter and style!