Saturday, March 5, 2011

Jumper

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Jumper - 1 out of 5

How can you screw up a movie about people who have the ability to teleport?

Here's how: Don't put a story in it or give the film a plot. Refuse to let your characters have any personality or depth. Spend very little money on special effects and, finally, give the starring role to someone completely incapable of acting, even in the slightest.

This movie is just plain boring--so boring, I actually decided to try and see if I could teleport all in order to escape this terrible film (hey, it seemed like a more credible idea than actually hitting stop on my DVD player remote). The film only really has two redeeming factors and they are in the form of Samuel L. Jackson (who's a bad ass no matter what piece of crap film he is in) and decent acting by Jamie Bell. However, these two factors, when put in the equation of painfully bad acting from the man who did more damage to the Star Wars prequels than Jar Jar Binks; Hayden Christensen, some absolutely atrocious special effects and absolutely no story, these two good aspects aren't enough to even warrant a single viewing of this film.

To end this review, I would give some stupid pun about how you should jump, leap and bound your way past this movie but that's not enough. You should run for your life like you are being chased by a rapist with AIDS. Yes, this movie is THAT bad.

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About Me

I'm a geek, an atheist (who is also an ordained reverend), a peanut butter and jelly enthusiast, a man who shares the same name with a popular character from "Parks & Rec" and feels he can't live up to the awesomeness of the fictional character, was proudly banned from Reddit, an occasional Shakespearean performer, and a stand up comic.
Have any questions, recommendations or wanna share any theories on various movies? Email me at RevRonMovies@gmail.com and I'll talk about them on my new Q&A segment!