Friday, 22 February 2013

Birth Intentions ~ Jelly's Birth

When I was pregnant with Evelyn the idea of birthing her terrified me. To my absolute core. I was not excited about the labour or the birth, it was just a means to an end. I would have nightmares and wake up in anxious sweats. Birth was scary, dangerous, painful and it was just a process I needed to get through to be able to hold my sweet baby.So I made a decision early on in my pregnancy that I would avoid thinking about the birth and preparing for the birth. Anthony and I did not attend birthing classes, I did not do prenatal yoga, I did not read any books or articles on labour and delivery, we need not attend the maternity unit tour. I avoided the topic at all costs. The best approach for me was to pretend that it wasn't going to happen until I was in the middle of it and there was no time to lose my mind. It worked well for us, at the time. We turned up and I laboured for 33 hours. The only plan I had was to try and avoid having an epidural and to deliver a healthy baby. I made it to 29 hours before I fall to my knees and had my epidural and then I had a beautiful delivery of Evelyn and we were both happy with the entire experience. We both walked away saying that we enjoyed the experience, we bonded, we fell in love again and we couldn't wait to do it again.When I fell pregnant again I decided that I wanted, nay, I needed to be prepared for this birth. I needed to be researched. I wanted this birth to be an experience that we would both look forward to with anticipation and excitement. I wanted to walk through this pregnancy not only looking forward to the moment I get to hold my baby, but to look forward to the moment that I get to connect my body to my baby and work together to deliver baby into the world. It is a journey that only Jelly and I will travel after-all. So I wanted to make it special.That is why I chose to attend the calm birth classes. It was the best decision I have made throughout this entire pregnancy. It gave me peace and it gave me direction and it gave me confidence. I walked into that class knowing that I wanted a peaceful, calm water birth. But I was still scared and anxious about the process. I still placed a lot of power in the hands of the hospital staff. I didn't have the confidence to make this birth, my birth. I walked out of that class with a completely different mindset and a different view on what type of birth I would like to achieve. It gave me the confidence to make my wishes heard and to try and reach each goal on the day of labour. With Evelyn's birth, there were things that I would have liked to do differently but I didn't have the courage or confidence to make those wishes heard. So this time, I am going in with a list of birth intentions and, presuming that we have a normal and uncomplicated labour and birth, I will be fighting to reach every intention.I feel empowered. I feel strong. I feel confident and I feel ready. This birth is important to me. If I had of attended the calm birth classes earlier on in my pregnancy I would have come home and put a plan in place to have my baby at home. But that wasn't the case. Instead I will labour at home for as long as I can. I will have flowers and candles and fairy lights. The house will be quiet and calm and serene and I will allow my body to do what it is built to do. Once I am at the hospital I will immerse myself in their birthing pool where I hope to deliver this baby. I want peace and quiet. I want for the first touch on the babies skin to be by myself or Anthony, no gloves of a midwife. Natural skin to skin touch. Anthony is not sure that he will have the confidence to deliver the baby at the time, so in the case that he cant, I will lift the baby to my own chest. I want our voices to be the first that Jelly hears. I do not want active delivery management, to have a midwife yelling at me to push, would stress me out. I aim for calm.Of course, in the event that there are complications and medical intervention is required, that would be the path we have to walk. I accept that and I will not be disappointed. At the end of the labour what we want is to have a healthy baby and a healthy me. I would never stand in the way of the safety of my baby or myself. These intentions are made with the presumption that labour and delivery is normal. One thing that I learnt at calm birth that has really stayed with me is everything is good. If a caesarean is needed, that is not a failure or a disappointment, it is a rescue operation. It will save the life of me and my baby. Everything is good and I will accept any change of direction throughout my labour.I look forward with excitement and joy. Not only for the moment I get to hold my baby, but for the journey we are about to embark on. I cannot wait for Anthony, Jelly and I to be connected in a way that only a birth can create. I cannot wait for the bond that we are about to form. I cannot wait to birth you Jelly baby