Denver, CO; The Tim Duncan era is over. Denver Squirrels team officials announced over the weekend that they've unceremoniously cut the future Hall of Fame Power Forward. Although Duncan lead the team in rebounding and blocked shots this season, his (high) level of professionalism came into question with Squirrels coaches and staff.

"Tim is a great player and an outstanding basketball talent. He just never really fit in with our playing style and team culture." commented Squirrels General Manager BallDon'tLie. "We wish Tim the best as we move toward a more entertaining direction."

The Squirrels shocked PFNFBL pundits last fall when they selected Duncan in the draft. Long known as a team that, in coach Rufus Henry's words, likes to "keep it GANGSTA", Duncan never seemed to embrace the 'anything goes' attitude in Denver. Henry tends to favor players with a checkered past who have something to prove.

"T-D is ma dawg but dat mutha(expletive) ain't got no 'Old Dirty Bastard' in 'em". commented Coach Henry about Duncan. "I looks fo cats dat ODB would be all like 'Hell yeah, let's mutha(expletive)'n hang out ya heard!?' " I needs some mutha(expletive)'n soldjas up in here!" added Henry who always seemed to be confused by Duncan's tendencies for being on-time and his affinity for 'fundamental basketball'.

To replace Duncan on the roster, the Squirrels signed free agent PG Gilbert Arenas. Contract terms were not disclosed. Arenas was immediately named Captain of the Squirrels for the remainder of the season.

Arenas was a team leader and Captain for the Squirrels during the '09/'10 season until he was suspended by the league for violating its policy on weapons in the workplace. Denver stood behind Arenas until they found out that he was actually leaving his firearms in his locker and not bringing them with him to the bench during games. The Squirrels have a strict policy that all players carry their weapons with them at all times.

"I'm just happy to be back in Denver and playing for Coach Rufus" said Arenas at a press conference earlier today. "We're locked and loaded and we'll be gunning for them Ballaholics this week!" added the veteran point guard.

"Dats what I be (expletive) talkin' bout damit!" said Henry regarding the Arenas signing.

Squirrels Notebook; Squirrels General Manager BallDon'tLie also released guard Tony Douglas and signed free agent Adam Morrison. "I just felt sorry for the kid" commented the G.M. Morrison will be with the team for the remainder of the season when his contract status will be evaluated. The Squirrels are leaning toward re-signing Morrison this Summer.

Fan Lawsuits; An elated BallDon'tLie promised a check for $12,000 to every fan in attendance during the 1st round playoff matchup against the Sandwich Microwaves. "We had a big lead at the time. I was excited and I thought that the team could cover the cost with the additional playoff revenue that we totally thought we'd be getting" stated the GM. "I had a few drinks in me at the time and I now know that I shouldn't have said what I said". "We absolutely don't have that kind of money! This is freaking Novice League for cryin out loud" he added.

A lawyer for the plaintiffs in this class action suite commented "There were just under 15,000 fans in the arena when the inebriated General Manager took the public address microphone and promised fans the money. We plan to see that the team delivers on that promise."

Sh!t. Not the fact that coyo won but the fact that Coyo rubs it under MY nose every day and due to lockout I have no chance to wash out this humiliation sooon... Can't wait next season. I must prove that Coyo win was a fluke!!