On raising a son on the autism spectrum, progressive politics, pop culture, and coffee addiction.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

A tale of 2007

It was the best of times; it was the worst of times.

For Bud, 2007 was a year of upheaval and, strangely, progress.

Most of what I blogged about our lives in 2007 was written between the lines. I alluded to what we were going through, but I didn’t write much about it. I wasn’t sure what to say, for starters. And I wasn’t sure how much of the story was mine to tell. So I stuck with allusion.

I talked to Bud’s dad the other day, though, and he told me that he feels like a guy whose character got written out of a sitcom because the actor’s contract was not renewed. I can see where he’s coming from.

As you may have surmised by what I haven’t written this year, Bud’s dad and I are no longer together. It’s complicated, of course, and really not for public consumption. He made a difficult – but logical – move to another area, and he talks to Bud on the phone every day, and often several times a day.

As a result, 2007 was characterized by extraordinary change for Bud. He had to deal with a radical shake-up at home, and with the absence of one of the most primary people in his life. He had to manage confusion and uncertainty and anger and sadness. His transition to a new school year was difficult. His anxiety was at an all time high. His unrelated health issues prompted the scheduling of major surgery.

And yet, he did it.

Bud negotiated the difficulty. He named his sadness and his anger. He forged a new kind of day-to-day relationship with his dad, and became masterful at the art of the telephone conversation. He focused on working through small changes, which helped him learn to work through the big ones. He trusted his dad and me. He kept moving forward.

As a result, 2007 was also characterized by extraordinary growth for Bud – physically, emotionally, and developmentally. He became a terrific reader. He made tremendous advances with language – using it to comment, consult, question, explain, describe, implore. He learned that though circumstances change, a parent’s love never does. And neither does a child’s.

We have all survived 2007, both apart and together. No one has been written out of the sitcom, though the plot has taken some sudden turns. And we all move into 2008 with hope - hope for a year of continued progress and hope for a year of settling in.

19 comments:

And thank you for letting us share in yours and Bud's life for another year. As I look back----2005 was the low, low, low year for us----even though Charlie was struggling beyond belief, he made some tremendous gains in his independence and ability to express himself, in swimming in the ocean and in bike riding. Our kids do rise to challenges and change and grow.

Wishing you many sunny days, big hugs, and warm smiles, and lots of really music, in 2008.

Your resilience* over the course of the past year awes and inspires. Your story is a touchstone for so many of us and I look forward to another year of the Chronicles of Bud and MOM-NOS! Happiest of happy new years to you and yours!

*I know, I know, overused word in the annals of special needs parenting, but apt here!

The growth and maturing that Bud has experienced this year is a testament to his own strength and resilience but also to the love and support of both of his parents —whether together or apart. I know from watching my sister's family as she went through a long, drawn-out and very painful separation then divorce, sometimes it's better for parents to be apart and children sense that. Strange as it may sound, you and Dad-NOS actually are helping Bud learn to navigate his world on his own more and more. Okay, this isn't coming out how I wanted it to so I'll stop here and just say...

You *all* have weathered a lot this year and the way Bud has come through speaks volumes about strength, grace, forgiveness, and resilience. xoxo

In a world of crass and selfishness, its nice to know that "grown-ups" still exist and can agree to do what is best for their child rather than trade hurtful retorts. As a child of divorced parents, I'm thankful that my mother was always a grown up. Despite what I'm sure were angry and regretful moments she felt, she never expressed them to me knowing my relationship with my father was something seperate and unrelated to their interpersonal relationship.

I have enjoyed your blog so much...so much that I failed to read between the lines at all, just enjoying the words on the screen. I, too, recently went through a separation and divorce and I know the extraordinary challenges that brings in so many ways.

I want to invite you to my blog if you would like a friend who is going through some of the same things you are...my blog is "friends only" for the very reasons you have not publicized your private matters, so please email me if you are interested as I consider you a friend.

I am facing a similar situation, and hope that if a separation is decided on, Jaysen will be able to cope (he wasn't even two when his father and I divorced, so as far as he knows, his dad and I have always been apart. He has more of a relationship with Companion, than his dad).

Your blog has truly been an inspiration to me. Wishing you a happy and healthy New Year.

Your recap "tale of 2007" puts a nice little bow on what I'm sure was a really hard year for all 3 of you. It's really quite wonderful how well Bud has grown through all this. I hope that I get to meet him some day.