• Membership in an extraordinarily active and supportive private Facebook group. This worldwide, safe and supportive network has helped our graduates with everything from challenging client issues, to personal creative crises, to housing support on the road.

• Visibility in the Urban Tantra Community News—a weekly online news digest dedicated to the purpose of informing the world about the amazing and life changing work that our graduates are doing.

The Urban Tantra® Professional Training Program is designed especially for—but is not limited to—people who work with sex and sexuality. This intensive workshop will give you the skills to take your practice to the next level—both personally and professionally. Whether you are a tantrika, a pro domme, a daka/dakini, a sex therapist, a sex educator, a companion, or anyone else who uses or wants to use a more conscious approach to sexuality in your practice, this program is for you.

Still unsure? Email our local coordinators and have a chat. They will explain the program in detail so you can be sure it’s right for you.

Why look any further for that special holiday gift? What could be lovelier than a spring weekend of Tantra in the mountains?

The Urban Tantra Experience: Breath and TouchRejuvenate your relationship in the Berkshires. The Urban Tantra Experience is an approach to sacred sexuality that adapts and blends conscious sexuality practices from Tantra to BDSM into a hot and healing brand of sex for the 21st century sensualist. Learn the secrets for giving and receiving a body-melting, mind-altering, sensual and erotic massage. You’ll also learn how conscious breath and energy work can transform touch into a deeply intimate ecstatic encounter. All genders and sexual preferences welcome.

Last night I heard about the passing of our beloved Raelyn Gallina. Raelyn’s influence on me is so huge it’s hard to encapsulate in one post. Raelyn was (among other things) a jeweler, a piercer, a body modification artist of the hight order, a powerful priestess and a plant magician. She pierced me many times. Each was a ritual of life-altering proportions. She drove the Catholic Church out of my body once and for all. She gifted me with the most powerful protection spells I have ever used. She was my single greatest inspiration for my realization that Tantra and BDSM could be the same sacred art. Here is an excerpt from my book, Urban Tantra, which tells the story of the day Raelyn taught me one of the greatest lessons of my life:

The Needle Mudra

I’ve always been fascinated with the idea of play piercings. Play piercings are temporary piercings. The needles are usually standard hypodermic needles, minus the syringe. These are pierced through small folds of skin anywhere on the body there is no danger to any blood vessels, nerves, or tendons. They are designed to stay in the skin for a few minutes or a few hours. Sometimes, small weights are attached to the piercings; when the piercee moves or dances, the swinging weights stimulate the needles and the body produces endorphins. The high is euphoric.

In the Olympics of pain, I am more of a sprinter than a long-distance runner. I love the rush of endorphins from a permanent piercing: the feeling of fire when the big needle goes into my flesh, then the wait while the needle is left in place until the endorphins kick in. And then the best part: surfing the waves of altered consciousness in the afterglow. The long, meditative astral travels that accompany permanent piercings are better than any drug I have ever tried.

But I had never tried play piercings. To satisfy my curiosity, I attended a play piercing demonstration by my friend Raelyn Gallina, the high priestess of piercers. Voyeuring was the whole point of the event, held on the ninth floor of an undistinguished building in New York’s Chelsea, accessible only by a cramped, battered elevator. On the makeshift stage of what appeared to be an abandoned off-off-Broadway theatre sat two women and Raelyn. One woman was very young, probably just eighteen, with short, dark hair. She wore dark-blue jeans and a dark teal, zip-up sweatshirt over a neat white T-shirt. The other was older, blonde, and casually elegant in black leather pants and a satin blouse. Both were perched precariously on the edge of excitement and fear.

Raelyn is calm, centered, and entirely focused on her setup: gloves, alcohol, and needles in sealed blue packets. Every imaginable safe and hygienic protocol is in place. She is ready to begin.

The younger woman removes her sweatshirt, then her T-shirt, and finally her bra. Raelyn swabs her chest with gauze soaked with alcohol. She speaks to the young woman too softly for me to hear the words. The young woman nods. Raelyn picks up the first needle. She pinches a small bit of skin on the top of the young woman’s breast near the center of her chest and pushes the needle through the flesh. The young woman winces slightly, then exhales. Raelyn waits. The young woman smiles. Two dozen needles are to follow.

One after another, Raelyn places her needles in a circular pattern, starting at the breastbone and circling down around the outer edge of the young woman’s breast, beneath her breasts, around the outer edge of the other breast, and back to the first needle at the breastbone. After each needle Raelyn waits for the young woman to take a breath, letting the endorphins catch up with the piercings. After the first few needles, though there’s no need to wait. The young woman is clearly enjoying the effect of each subsequent needle more and more. After the last needle, Raelyn picks up a spool of elastic thread. To my amazement, she weaves the thread among the needles until the young woman is wearing a beautiful white spider web of needles and thread on her chest.

Raelyn picks up a thread in the center of the mandala and gives it a tug. I gasp. The young woman seems startled, then a moment later she grins. The grin turns into a giddy giggle. Then she laughs. Happily.

Now it’s the second woman’s turn. Raelyn does exactly the same thing to her. This woman clearly has done this before. She seems less surprised by the sensations and she knows how to use her breath to increase the effect of the endorphins. It’s not that she doesn’t feel the pain; she appears quite sensitive. It’s just that she’s learned that she can play the pain like music, changing the pitch and the tone and the volume. I enjoy watching her; I know what she’s doing. I use my breath the same way to build and move sexual energy in my body. I realize I’m breathing in rhythm with her. I’m getting high.

Raelyn keeps on piercing—as focused and present and beautiful as ever. Occasionally, she pauses between needles to give a gentle tug on the first woman’s mandala to keep the endorphins flowing. Raelyn finishes the circle of needles on the second woman’s chest, then she weaves an identical elastic-thread mandala. She gives the center threads a tug. The blonde woman shivers and then smiles.

Raelyn is sitting on a chair in the center of the stage. The first woman sits facing her on her left. The blonde woman is on her right. Raelyn playfully tugs one mandala, then the other. Then she stands up, moves her chair away and asks the women to move in closer to each other until their knees are almost touching. She picks up her spool of elastic thread and my excitement grows as she ties the two webs together.

The two women are now facing each other, their chests not more than eighteen inches apart. They’re gazing into each other’s eyes. As if moved by some instinctual drive, they gently begin to rock back and forth, first toward one, then the other. As they become more confident, their gaze grows stronger, and their breathing becomes deeper and faster. They make an ahhh sound on each exhale. The rocking becomes more and more active, until I see an endless wave of energy between them. I’m knocked breathless. I’m seeing something totally familiar and something completely alien at the same time. I know this! I have never had a needle mandala on my chest, but I know exactly what they’re feeling. This is the Tantric Heart Position!

Instead of each partner touching the other’s heart with the palm of their hand, these two are connected by needles and thread! Everything else is the same: the breathing, the rocking back and forth, the eye gazing. This posture can bring up laughter or tears—both of which are happening on the stage this very moment! The young dark-haired woman is smiling through the tears flowing down her cheeks and the blonde woman is simply radiant with joy.

Raelyn had woven a physical diagram of the energy exchange. Tonight, S/M had become visible Tantra! What a mindfuck! I wanted to run out and call every Tantrika I knew and tell them of my most amazing discovery. Both Tantra and this kind of S/M employ the same magic ingredients of sexual energy, endorphins, ritual, and consciousness to attain transcended states of ecstatic connection. This was Tantra concretized. Tantra for the concrete. Urban Tantra! My head and my cunt exploded with the possibilities

Suddenly S/M made sense to me in a way it never had before. I certainly understood that S/M ran on sexual energy and endorphins. But until tonight I had never understood that it could be a sacred practice. But why not? The guiding principle of Tantra is “Do everything you want to do so long as you do not knowingly harm another or interfere with their spiritual growth.” The guiding principle of BDSM (Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission and Sadism/Masochism) is, “Do everything you want to do so long as it’s safe, sane, and consensual.” The defining core of both practices is consciousness and the awareness that you are setting up a powerful dynamic for erotic or spiritual purposes. When we see both Tantra and BDSM as sacred sex, we step into the totality of possibilities of sensation and eroticism.

As many of you know, Kate’s lung cancer is back. It reappeared in late December in a lymph node behind her collarbone. The good news is that it did not travel far from it’s original site. Recent scans show it’s not in her brain or bones. The further good news is that it did not reappear anywhere that had been previously treated with radiation and chemotherapy. This means that the doctors can treat this new tumor aggressively and the treatment is likely to work. We have been assured that this cancer is still curable.

The bad news is that the treatment for this second round is way more intense than the last (and we thought that round was challenging!) This means that in addition to more intense chemo and radiation, she needs more supplements and alternative therapies to keep her fighting. She’s much weaker with this new treatment and needs to spend more on transportation to and from treatments. She has a hard time doing basic tasks, like preparing food for herself and the pets. Even getting dressed to go to chemo/radiation treatments is a challenge. Small tasks are not just physically, but also emotionally, overwhelming. This “brain fog” and the accompanying extreme energy drain are common, yet hideous side effects of the treatment. Worse yet, these effects will continue for months after treatment has stopped. This means we have no idea when she can return to work.

We are deeply grateful for your astoundingly generous donations of over $100,000 last year. It’s the support of her community—and we mean emotional, physical, and psychic support, as well as financial—that helps Kate #StayAlive. We still have a bit of that $100,000 left and we are stretching it as far as it can possibly go. (Let me take a moment to thank the people who are currently providing their services and products at reduced cost.) But Kate is going to run out of money very soon.

In short, if Kate is going to #StayAlive, she needs the financial support of her community once again. Kate wants me to be sure to tell you how hard it is to ask for this kind of support. She knows many of you have financial challenges of your own. Please give only if and what you can afford. All of the money raised goes directly towards Kate’s treatment.

Whether or not you can donate, you can help Kate #StayAlive by letting others know how they can help. Please forward/post/distribute this message widely. For inquiries and/or offers of help, write to KateStayAlive(at) gmail (dot) com.

We will be posting regular updates on this fundraising campaign on Kate’s Blog. So be sure and stop by.

And just so you know, Kate is truly appreciative of all the supportive tweets and other messages she’s been receiving. Please understand that although it’s hard for her to respond to all of them, they mean the world to her.

Delivered at Jesus Saviour Church in Newport R.I. on the snowy morning of 10 December 2013…

I lost two hugely important influences in my life within 24 hours this past week, Nelson Mandela and my Dad, Ernest J. Carrellas. As I was thinking about their lives I realized how many of—all of us perhaps—have our lives defined by some singular event or circumstance—a circumstance or event so overwhelming and intense that it hijacks our life. When it’s finally over, we find that the course of our life has been irreversibly altered. For me it was the AIDS crisis. For Nelson Mandela, it was, of course, apartheid. For my dad, it was the Great Depression.

Ernest was 14 in 1929 when the stock market crashed. By then he had already been working with his dad at Carrellas Shoe Store on Broadway for two years. Suddenly the country and much of the world was plunged into poverty and joblessness. Ernie had nine brothers and sisters and two parents to help support in a world where the cash to buy shoes—and most anything else—had simply dried up.

The Great Depression lasted for over a decade—that was almost twice as long as young Ernest had been alive when it had started. Do you remember how long ten years seemed when you were a teenager? And, before the depression was over a second tragedy struck—the hurricane of 1938. The hurricane of 1938 was a super hurricane—the kind that only occurred once every 125 years or so, so that literally no one had ever seen anything like it. It swept away a massive portion of this state. A few of Ernie’s high school classmates who had gone to the beach to watch the towering waves were swept away as well. Well into his 90’s he could describe to me in detail the waters from the tidal wave pouring into the streets and up over Newport Beach, sweeping away everything in it’s path.

Ernie learned young that surviving both natural and man made disasters took both luck and careful planning. In short, stay on high ground when the floods come and make sure you’ve saved plenty of money. Ernie dedicated the rest of his life to insuring that he and his family would never again go through anything like what he’d experienced in the 1930‘s.

Ernie worked in the shoe store for 50 years—first for his extended family, then to support my mom and me after he finally bought the business from his family. Ernie loved his customers. Since his passing I have heard so many memories from parents and children. My cousin Ann remembers buying her yearly PF Flyers—Ernest always let her think the choice of color was completely up to her, despite my Aunt Mary Lou standing by clearly disapproving of the white pair which would be dirty the next day. A Facebook friend remembered that all the shoe boxes went home neatly wrapped in brown paper and string, with a balloon tied on for each child. (As a side note, Ernie first gave out lollipops until someone accused him of trying to drum up business for his brother George, the dentist upstairs. The lollipops were quickly replaced by the bright balloons with “Carrellas Shoe Store” printed in white letters.)

Ernie may have loved his customers as much as they loved him, but he hated working in the shoe store. He had always wanted to be an accountant. Finally, at 61, he retired from the shoe store to live his dream. He set up office in his basement and became a tax preparer, bookkeeper and investor. He thought it would be a part time sort of thing, but soon business was booming. Yet he always found a way to devote the major portion of his days to investing his hard earned and well saved money. What I found most remarkable about my dad’s love of playing with money was his healthy detachment. He could ride out even severe market downturns with philosophical peace and calm. I could say that this naturally comes with surviving a depression and living almost a century, but it doesn’t. It was something quite rare and unique, and it taught me a great deal about faith, patience and non-attachment.

Ernest was a gentleman and he was generous. When, only recently, he became unable to manage his financial affairs I became aware of how much he gave and to how many charities, including, of course, his biggest charity—me. I will be forever grateful to him and to my mom for the financial support that has allowed me to pursue so many of my dreams.

Since his passing we have all had time to reflect on our gratitude for Ernest in our lives. In the days to come, especially over the holidays, we will continue to appreciate him. This, however, is my only public opportunity to appreciate those of you who made Ernest and Alice’s life so much happier and richer in their final years. So here they are—prayers of gratitude from Ernest, Alice, and me.

Anthony Carrellas, his younger brother, and closest friend. Obviously, Anthony has known Ernie longer than anyone else alive and they’d been thought some…shall we say…interesting times, over the ninety years they knew each other. One of the things my dad most looked forward to was a visit from Antony. Bless you Anthony, and bless my cousins, Patricia, Dave, Bob, Ann and Joan for making their visits possible.

Lucille Silvia. Ernie really really loved Lucille. So did Alice. They also thought she was a great artist (I agree, BTW). Ernie counted on her frequent visits and never ceased to feel guilty (but pleased) whenever she brought him some little gift. Thank you, Lucille, for your constant love and friendship.

Ernie met Peter and Gail Paranzino along with Lydia Reynolds when they started bringing him Holy Communion when going to church became too difficult for him. Peter’s friendship was one of Ernie’s great pleasures these past years. Most of Ernie’s male friends had passed away by the time he was in his nineties and having a guy friend he could talk to and trust was an immeasurable gift. Bless you, Peter.

Arthur Carrellas, Ernie’s nephew, was the accountant Ernie had always wanted to be. He loved Arthur and he trusted him. Plus, he loved their chats about taxes and investments and the economy. Bless you, Arthur.

Jean Carrellas. Both Alice and Ernest adored my cousin Jean, who I agree is one of the most adorable people I know. And also one of the most giving and caring. Jean is a nurse at Newport Hospital and she kept a watchful eye out whenever either Alice or Ernest was in hospital, especially my mom who spent more than her fair share of time at that hospital. We love you, Jeannie.

Kate Bornstein. Kate is my partner. For the 16 years she knew Ernie and the 9 years she knew Alice, she consistently strived to make their lives more comfortable and pleasurable—often against their will. (They were neither pleasure nor comfort focused, my parents.) But Kate wore them down. My mom loved the steady stream of soft stuffed animals and fairy figurines that poured into the house. For Ernie, it was the food. My dad loved sweets, especially cookies. He’d only buy the cheapest ones for himself—the ones on special at the Stop and Shop. For Ernie’s 90th birthday, Kate gave him a HUGE shopping bag of gourmet cookies. He ate like a prince for months.

Now to the real Bodhisattvas of Alice and Ernest’s lives. A Bodhisattva is an ordinary person who takes up a course in his or her life that moves in the direction of buddhahood. Which means, a life dedicated to easing the suffering of others.

My cousin, David Roche, was adored by both Alice and Ernest. As my parents became less able to do things for themselves, he quietly, surreptitiously, took on more and more of the small tasks they could not do. Whenever my dad couldn’t do something, needed something, couldn’t figure something out, he could call David, who’d appear—usually within minutes. As he did yesterday, BTW, when I locked myself out of the house!

When my parents were younger they made elaborate plans for their old age—none of which they executed. When the time came, they did not want to rearrange the house to bring the bedroom downstairs. They did not want to move into assisted living. The Bodhisattva that made our lives possible, bearable, pleasurable and sane for the past decade is Carol Yount. Carol came to assist my mom after she’d broken her hip. After my mom died about two years later Carol said she’d be going back to her job at a nursing home. On the day of my mom’s funeral my dad asked her to “stick around,” as he put it. And she did—for 7 years. Carol was my mom’s last best friend. She was my dad’s last best friend. And she’s been mine. I have no brothers and sisters and I live in NYC. Carol has been the only person I could count on to keep my parents safe and to tell me the truth. My gratitude to her knows no bounds and I hope to keep her as a friend for the rest o my life.

In closing…

As we go forth into this holiday season, we will all celebrate the Rebirth of the Light in different ways. Whether you call that light God, Goddess, Creator, the Great Spirit, Allah, Yahweh, Jehovah, the Universe, All That Is, or as my partner Kate says, “The Great Big Good,” I invite us all to remember that Ernest and everyone else who sheds the flesh suit that we all take on at the time of our earthly birth, is reborn into this light. May every holiday candle and bulb, every ray of returning sunshine, remind you of how much Ernest, Alice and I appreciate all the love, courage, support and light you’ve all shown us. Happy Solstice, Merry Xmas. Blessed be.

There have been 19 mass shootings (defined as killing more than 5 people in each) in the USA since 2009. In Australia? Zero. Why? The Australian government passed strict gun control laws following the Port Arthur massacre in 1996.

In an interview on The Takeaway on NPR this morning Ruth Bader Ginsburg gave a history lesson on the 2nd Amendment. She explained that in the early days of the USA there was no organized army—there wasn’t any money to pay soldiers. The country’s defense relied upon the state militias who could be called up when needed to defend the country. These militias were made up of volunteers who were required to own certain specific weapons (like muskets) for this purpose. The “right to bear arms” was more like an obligation to bear arms so as to be ready to defend the country. This is the history behind the 2nd Amendment.

What a wonderful time I had at my Urban Tantra workshop the Open Center on Saturday, 7 September! I was assisted for the third time by the gorgeous and talented Zahava Griss. Zahava has some wonderful workshops of her own coming up. Check them out!

Zahava Griss is the founder of Love Making Dances, offering performance, dance, coaching, and bodywork. She has 30 years of dance training, which she combines with the sexual and spiritual arts of Sufi dancemeditation, sexual shamanism, tantra, bioenergetics, and transformational group dynamics. Learn more at http://www.LoveMakingDances.com/.

Today we have a guest post by my friend and colleague, Artemisia de Vine, conscious sex worker, kink practitioner and author of the upcoming book, “Lessons from a Whore”. www.consciouseroticarts.com and www.consciouskink.com. Artemesia and other graduate members of the Urban Tantra® Professional Training Program frequently discuss the practical applications of seeing gender beyond the binary of masculine/feminine. Here Artemesia shares her recent “Ah hah!” moment. I think it’s beautifully stated. Thanks, Artemesia!

So excited that I was finally able to articulate something that is so important to me. Funny how I can instinctively know something for years but just can’t put it in words…so I get all frustrated and hot under the collar because I know it really matters but can’t communicate it properly, even to myself. I can just feel that damage is being done and it needs to change. Suddenly it is so simple and I can just say it.

Worshipping the gender binaries of masculine and feminine encourages us all to project stereotypes onto each other rather than be present and truly see, experience and connect with ourselves and each other. Today I’m making the effort to approach each individual person as a unique being I know nothing about and allow them to unfold in front of me like the exquisite mystery they are.

Yes there will likely be recognizable gendered patterns that emerge but the difference is, I will allow them to emerge naturally rather than assume they are there in the first place. That way I won’t miss the times when they are not there. I won’t be blind to the unique combination of characteristics in each person. I will unconsciously assume power dynamics less often…

Feeling into myself in each moment and experiencing what is… What’s there beyond gendered boxes? The words “masculine” and “feminine” are being banned from my vocabulary today so I can see and be beyond them.

This live online course in partnership with Hay House incorporates all the most popular segments of my in-person workshops. So now, no matter where you live, you can attend a workshop with me!

The core of my work is the connection between sexuality and spirituality. In this 4-week workshop, you’ll learn techniques that will add sensuality to your spirituality and sacredness to your sex life. You’ll learn the importance of ecstatic experiences and practice simple, powerful techniques that will increase your desire, expand your orgasms, reignite your relationships, and bring sensuality and pleasure into every aspect of your life. The cornerstone of this class is the connection between breath and erotic energy. You’ll even get a chance to experience one of the most effective ways to connect spirit and sex-a breath an energy orgasm-literally, an orgasm with spirit.

Lesson 1: Orgasm: The Totality of Possibilities
July 17, 2013, 4:00 pm –5:30 pm, Pacific / 7:00 pm–8:30 pm, Eastern
We’ll begin by expanding our definition of orgasm. We’ll explore the many different types of orgasms beyond those achieved solely by stimulation of the genitals. Next, I’ll introduce the energetic building blocks of sex: breath, imagination, movement, sound, touch, and more. You’ll have the opportunity to practice each skill in short guided meditations.

Lesson 2: How To Have a Breath and Energy Orgasm
July 24, 2013, 4:00 pm – 5:30 pm, Pacific / 7:00 pm – 8:30 pm, Eastern
This week I’ll teach you how to put all the energetic building blocks of sex together to have a breath and energy orgasm, full-body orgasm. I’ll not only explain the technique, I’ll give you the opportunity to get comfortable and breathe along during a guided how-to meditation. You can have a breath and energy orgasm in the privacy of your own home during this class!

Lesson 3: Sacred Sex with a Partner
July 31, 2013, 4:00 pm –5:30 pm, Pacific / 7:00 pm–8:30 pm, Eastern
This week you’ll learn Tantric techniques for building and sharing sexual energy with a partner. Simple techniques such as breath, laughter, ritual, movement, and conscious touch can expand our concept of gender roles, help us transcend fears of intimacy, and enable us to build and share enormous amounts of sexual and spiritual energy and power. Whatever your gender, sexual preference, or sexual style, you’ll be able to adapt these techniques to create unlimited erotic possibilities.

Lesson 4: Sex Magic
August 7, 2013, 4:00 pm –5:30 pm, Pacific / 7:00 pm–8:30 pm, Eastern
This week I’ll introduce the concept and practice of sex magic, or erotic prayer. We practice sex magic when we consciously and ethically use our sexual energy to fuel our hopes, dreams and desires. Sex magic is the art of transforming real but invisible sexual energy into real and visible results. You can dedicate your sexual energy for the benefit of yourself, your community and your world. Tonight’s workshop will end with a breath-focused, sex magic, chakra meditation that will allow you to practice sex magic for a personal desire or cause.

If you can’t make the live airdates, you can still join me! For your convenience, all participants automatically receive downloadable mp3s of all 4 lessons. Each lesson will be uploaded into your account within a few days of its live airdate and will then be available with unlimited On-Demand access! Hay House will send you a notification email when each lesson is available to download from your account. So you can still take the course no matter what your schedule!

“Thinking Off”

If you are here because you saw my segment on "Thinking Off" on The Learning Channel's Strange Sex show, welcome. Thinking off—or breath and energy orgasms—are just one of the infinite number of erotic possibilities available to us all. It is my mission to introduce you to new erotic possibilities and inspire you to greater freedom, pleasure, health and creativity through sex, breath, and connection.

If you want to know more about alternative and expanded orgasms, click here.