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In Person or in Pixels, It's Still Bullying

WHITE PLAINS - MORE than 500 parents, teachers, students and law enforcement officials gathered at the County Center last week to discuss the latest wave of adolescent harassment -- cyber bullying.

Using e-mails, instant messages and blogs as tools for cruelty, teenagers are routinely turning to technology as a way to tease, gossip and fight with each other, said Perry Aftab, executive director of WiredSafety.org, a nonprofit group that seeks to educate parents and administrators about bullying on the Internet.

"It's happening, and the only ones who don't know about it are the parents," Ms. Aftab said. "Kids can reach a wide audience with a few clicks of a mouse."

Children may be reluctant to talk to their parents about online conflicts because they fear their parents will stop them from using the Internet, she said. But with camera phones, online journals and Web sites that allow students to rank their peers using terms like "nerd" and worse, there are many new ways for children to provoke one another. "You're buying them stuff that you don't even know what it can do," Ms. Aftab said. The suburbs are particularly vulnerable to the phenomenon, she said, because "kids have lot of technology and a lot of time on their hands."

County officials hired Ms. Aftab to talk with parents and school administrators and to train law enforcement officers about cyber bullying. Parents and administrators discussed how they could deal with or stave off problems.

Demonstrating how common the problem has become, all but a handful of children raised their hands when Ms. Aftab asked a group of about 150 students how many of them had been a victim or perpetrator of bullying someone online, or had a close friend who was, all but a handful of children raised their hands.

"It's not as easy as just ignoring them," said Doug Messer, 11, of Briarcliff Manor. "If it's someone in your face you can tell them to stop, but it's not like that online."

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Doug's mother, Hillary Messer, said she has also seen considerable nastiness in online conversations her 15-year-old son has with friends.

"They say things that you would never expect your children to say, because they know better," Ms. Messer said, adding that she was pleased the school was taking steps to deal with children who made more serious threats online.

"When you are looking at someone face to face, you don't say everything that is on your mind. Strategically, as a parent, you have to figure out how involved you can be," she said.

Spider-Man and his daughter, Spider-Girl, also made a brief appearance at the event, acting out the roles of the ideal father-daughter conversation about cyber bullying. When Spider-Man suspects that his little girl may be sending nasty messages, he calmly asks what's gotten into her. "Dad, you know I wouldn't do that," Spider-Girl said.

Turned out it was the Green Goblin, Spider-Man's nemesis, who received a scolding from Ms. Aftab.