Why Women Feel More Attached after Sex than Men

By Sarah Carrillo

Many of us have been in a relationship with someone who was all wrong for us, yet we stayed because we “felt a connection.” It can be tough to figure out what’s going through our heads when this happens, but what if it was actually beyond our control?

There is a little-talked-about hormone, oxytocin—nicknamed the “cuddle hormone”—which is released during sex and could be effecting our relationships and sex lives in ways we’ve never thought of.

What is oxytocin?Basically, it’s one of our many hormones. Both men and women have it, and while its exact purpose is still unclear, it increases in our systems during orgasm (for men and women) and during childbirth (it’s what bonds mothers to their babies). It’s released into our bloodstreams in response to breast or vaginal stimulation as well says Dr. Beverly Whipple, Secretary General of the World Association for Sexual Health.

Is it him or the oxytocin that I’m attracted to?
Oxytocin has been found to increase our levels of trust and make us feel more connected with people. But what if that oxytocin released during sex makes us feel connected with someone who’s wrong for us?

“A year ago, a friend flipped for a guy whom, when I met him, I didn’t quite ‘get.’ He wasn’t all that nice. Just what did she see in him, I wondered. But I started to understand, because whenever his name came up in conversation, so did great sex ... with him,” says blogger Kat Wilder. She adds: “I wouldn’t doubt all that lovin’ triggers that oxytocin bonding.”

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Displaying comments 1 to 7 out of 7

addy

This is so true! I've experienced a feeling of connection after sex so many times - feelings that my partner didn't even deserve.

RaquelRoad

My best friend was dating this guy and he was awful!!! He was so caustic when he saw her in public, but then would call all of the time at night to hook up. She said they had a "special bond" which was her way of justifying his behavior. It was totally oxytocin.

probitionate

Actually, this is a very simple...and scientific...truth at play. I believe in the 'Biological Imperative' as the prime motivator for why we're here.

For men, that means spreading seed. For women, it means bearing children. (Naturally, this isn't the ONLY reason any of us are here, merely the core. We are, after all, biological entities, and that means that survival and continuance is what drives us.)

So it only makes sense that women would -generally- have a different process going on post-sex than men would. (Keeping in mind that the body doesn't differentiate between having sex, making love and making babies.)

VeryCute

This totally explains why my friends and I are always getting attached to and involved with the creeps, jerks and players! You meet a guy who you think is hot, and soon enough you wind up in bed with him. You soon find out that he is a creep or a jerk, but by then you are already attached to him because of the sex! This is probably why so many girls wind up stuck in bad relationships where the men are drinkers, druggies or physically abusive. I think the lesson to be learned from this is never to jump into bed with a guy until you really know who he is and know him well. Isn't it kinda like what our moms have always been telling us? ;)