Some Crazy Old Guy Hazed Assaulted Three Kids Who Wanted To Mow His Lawn

Apparently, mowing the lawn of 45-year-old psychopath John Summers of Elsberry, Missouri, is A PRIVILEGE TO BE EARNED! At least that’s how it sounds, because when three teenagers, the youngest being 13-years-old, walked up to the Missouri man’s door to ask if they could provide him with the service for a meager twenty dollars, Summers decided to haze the shit out of them.

According to police, the incident happened Friday at Summers’ home. A 13-year-old boy and two older friends asked Summers if they could mow his lawn for $20, and Summers apparently forced the 13-year-old to drink a shot of vodka, kicked him in the ribs and tried to stab him in the feet with a knife, police said.

That progression of events sounds like exactly the type of random, nonsensical hazing that would happen when an active is blackout drunk, minus the feet stabbing. Like you haven’t made a pledge do a shot of Popov and then tried to roundhouse kick him? I’m not 100% on how the feet stabbing went down, though. Did this guy whip out a switchblade and dive at the kid’s feet or what? Seems like a REALLY weird/creepy thing to try to stab. Why can’t this guy just be normal and aim for the chest? What a psycho. As you can imagine, things did not end well for Mr. Summers.

When police arrived at Summers’ home, he pulled a knife on officers, court records say. During a struggle, he grabbed one of the officer’s guns, attempting to get it out of its holster. Police were able to subdue Summers and take him into custody.

Bail is set at $20,000 cash only in the case.

I would make a joke about prison hazing being worse, but I have to wonder if anyone will mess with him. He’s going to have that “crazy guy” rep as soon as he gets locked up.

“Yo, stay away from Summers, man. That dude’s crazy. He’ll try to stab you in the damn foot.”

That’s a start. Quite ‘Flordia’-esque in terms of random weirdness. Now if Mr. Summers tells us that he went nuts on the kids cuz they were wearing University of ________ t-shirts not a Missou t-shirt, then this story fits right in with the SEC.