Friday, May 15, 2009

Best of the Bad: Awesomely Bad Game #2

Spyro the Dragon, the other purple dinosaurʼs very first video game adventure, gets my nod for awesomely bad game for extremely poor adult responsibility. If it takes a village to raise a child, then dragon children are seriously stunted. I guess that explains why Spyro hasnʼt gotten any bigger over the last ten years.

In Spyro the Dragon, all of the adult dragons are crystalized. Spyro, the youngest and smallest of the dragons, escaped the ray that crystallized the dragon, and set out to rescue all of the other dragons encased in stone.

The problem? Spyro began saving dragons from the beginning. But instead of these older, bigger, stronger dragons deciding to take on the adventure of their own, they only give Spyro advice, and some witty banter, and run off to drink beer or smoke cigarettes. Deal with the bad guys? Nah, little baby dragon, I think you can handle it. Iʼm stronger, older, and tougher than you? I could beat the bad guy with one swing of my massive arms, but I think you should give it a go.I got better things to do. Itʼs Poker Night back at the lodge.

What the dragons in Spyro the Dragon ask Spyro to do is like asking an eight year old to go to war. Not that that ever happens in our world....

Ok, maybe the dragons arenʼt any less responsible than human beings, but still, they should set a better example than that to their youngsters. And maybe one or two of them should grow a pair of balls while theyʼre at it.