Friday, October 30, 2009

What every wife should know about her husband...

It's a well-known fact that Tim has made it clear he has no interest in reading my blog. When asked why not, he responded, "I don't have time...and plus I don't really want to read about all the embarrassing things you write about me".

I said, "I do NOT write embarrassing things about you....okay, well maybe one or two things". He rolled his eyes.

To make things fair, I offered to let him do a guest post. He had no idea what to write about. I said, "Well, what would you want every woman to know about her husband...if you think most women complain about their husbands in their blog, why not do some complaining of your own?"

His eyes lit up...there was a sparkle there that I haven't seen in years....probably since our wedding day. He said, "Okay, let's do this..."

So this, my friends, is what Tim thinks every wife should know about her husband:

1) Since when is it required for me to have a response to everything you say? You're simply making a statement. If you say, "I'm so tired today", that really doesn't need a response, does it? But then you stare at me with eyes wide open as if I just committed the crime of the century, with your hands on your hips and saying, "Well? Are you gonna ignore what I just said?"

2) When I'm in the bathroom for those 20 glorious moments of peace and quiet, I'm not actually going to the bathroom. Surprise! I'm pretty much just sitting there finishing a crossword puzzle in your People Magazine, while I listen to you yell from downstairs, "Geez, how long does it take you to crap and has anyone seen my People magazine?"

3) Despite what you think, I cannot read your mind. When I offer to go to the store to pick up a few things and I ask you, "Is there anything else you would like me to pick up?" and you say, "No, not really", don't get pissed off at me when I arrive home with the exact things I set out to buy, while you scream, "I can't believe you didn't get me my favorite ice cream!" Did I NOT ask you if you wanted anything from the store? Case closed.

4) I'm a man and it comes naturally for me to want to solve problems. It is downright painful for me to stand there for 10 minutes listening to you rant and rave about how horrible something is, without giving you advice or telling you what you should do. If you don't want my advice or opinion, just say that up front.....so I can be sure to tune you out while you complain.

5) On the other hand, don't ask for my opinion if you're just going to argue with me ABOUT my opinion. Does this sound familiar:

Helene: How do I look in this outfit?
Me: You look fine.
Helene: Fine? I look like a lard-ass.
Me: If you think you look like a lard-ass, then why did you bother to ask me?
Helene: Oh, so you DO think I look like a lard-ass?
Me: (silence)

5) Let's address the "invisible to-do list". When you ask, "Can you take out the garbage please?", we both know you expect more than that. You expect me to empty every single waste-basket in the entire house and then walk it all outside to the trash can. And then somewhere in there, I'm supposed to remember to run the dishwasher and feed the cat, make sure the kids brush their teeth before bed, figure out ways to reduce my carbon footprint and ensure that Siberian tigers never go extinct.

6) If you put as much effort into our sex life as you do into your blog, we would both be much happier. Or at least, I would be.

I am laughing so hard number 1 is so true in my house plus most of the whole list. This is just so funny. I love the last comment by the way. Great job to your husband. I think he needs to do this more often...

Love #5 and #6 the best ,but they are so funny. Since starting my blog my husband has maybe read it 3 times. He once said how come their are no pictures of him on my blog....When their actually was 3 Way to be supportave. LOL

Absolutely loved it. Can't wait to read more. I agree with all the previous comments Tim should do guest posts way more often. And I'm pretty sure my husband would agree with every statement on the list. :) Too funny! Love your blog...I read every post you make. Have a safe Halloween.

You are one brave woman to turn the keyboard over to your Hubby. It just goes to show you Mama was right when she told ya'll all men think alike. This could be written by any of our sex crazed hunky hubbies.

Take care sweetie and have a great weekend with the kiddos. I'm looking forward to the Halloween pic and stories! God bless your precious family!!!!

Our hubs must be related...oh thats right its international code of man to think this way.

Except my hubs is the one who does number 1. He will say something and I dont respond and he is all were you going to say something back? Hello do you need to be reminded of the differences between a statement and a question?

Number one was interesting because I'll say something and my husband will just sit there. So I'll say something else and the same thing. Finally, I'll say, well it was nice chatting with myself and he'll finally say something. Guess this is definitely a guy thing.

Very funny that #2 was actually about #2! I don't know what's wrong with me, but I have lost all control over my mouth whenever my husband goes into the bathroom. I can't believe what comes out half the time about his bathroom habits. I think I'm just jealous that he gets to go in there alone. For some reason, the kids NEVER follow him in there like they follow me.

Still, my husband does read my blog-his only problem with it is that I have decided not to share it with our family. He wants to brag/talk about it, but I don't want them reading my stuff...still, that's a pretty small disagreement and otherwise my husband loves my blog almost as much as I do.

Thanks for finding my blog; I'm happy to repay the visit nd discover yours. Either I picked a good day, or this is one funny blog. Nice to meet the hubby who pinch hits and knocks it out of the park. I look forward to coming back, although you will make it hard to complain about how busy I am since you have two sets of twins and manage to blog so well. You have more hours in your day than I do in mine??

OMG! HE should start a blog! Or write a humor column! I felt like he knew EXACTLY how things are at MY house! Glad to know that we are, by some standards, "normal"...Thank you for the belly laugh tonight!

LOVE IT! Creative of you to ask him to chime in, and he did a great job! The "do I look fat" conversation is something they can never win on! I love his last comment too about putting as much time into your sex life as your blog, hahahahahahaha, good one! :)

Funny...I'm the husband, the blogger and the primary domestic chores doer. Of course, I'm also a bit of a "girly man" who has no problem being the domestic one and knows way more about cooking and decorating than about sports. The only ones on his list that I agree with are #1 (strongly), the first two sentences of #4 and, on occasion, #5. I think we BOTH think about #6 like that, however!

It would be especially interesting to see what the stay-at-home daddy bloggers would say to your hubbies, ladies!