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Topic: One concert takes all weekend (Read 8473 times)

I'm wondering if this suggestion seems as entitled from the outside as it does to me.

My friend/coworker Meredith and I are going to a concert together in about a month. We both live in different cities, cities that aren't close to our work place, the city the concert is in, or each other. Say we're both about 25+ miles from our work in different directions, but I'm slightly closer to City...what I'm trying to say is that it isn't exactly a big deal to drive into City for either of us, but that we're not located so that one of us could pick up the other without going 100% out of the way.

The concert is on a non-work day, so we can't leave from work together to the concert- not that it would be the best solution anyway, because after driving to the city from work, back to work after the show, then both of us back home. I've never had a problem going into City, there are plenty of both non-toll highways and back ways to get there for me, and as well as from Meredith's area- it's easy enough to get to and navigate, but admittedly different than the suburbs to drive in, if you're not used to it.

All of this to say- I really think the easiest way to go is for us to meet at the venue, driving separately. It takes me about 20-25 minutes to get there from my house, it might take Meredith 30-35. I thought we can meet there, have a good time, and go our own ways afterwards, simple enough.

Except Meredith doesn't want to drive in or to the city. She is able to, knows where the venue is and has been before, etc., just doesn't want to. So her plan was for me to drive to her house after work Friday, go to some fundraiser she is selling pasties at that night ("You can be my helper!"), stay the night, go on errands with her Saturday ("I have a team meeting in the morning...but you can come with me to that!"), I drive us to the concert and back, and then I assume I'd drive back to my house after dropping her at hers', but if I mentioned how late it would be by then she'd probably try to get me to stay again- we didn't discuss that far.

This is where I'm wondering if I'm biased in thinking "are you kidding me?!?" From my point of view, she wants me to sacrifice most of my weekend, go on errands with her, and do way more driving that necessary, just so that she can avoid driving herself into the city. I tried to see it from another point of view where maybe she legitimately thinks she's offering me a fun weekend agenda, but it just...doesn't fit my ideal of what I'd like to do. Then again, I'm biased- this doesn't seem like a small sacrifice to me, combined with how I am never really comfortable staying overnight at other people's houses.

So how does this suggestion seem from the outside? A rude suggestion to commander most of my weekend in order to avoid a half an hour drive, or a sweet offer for an overnight stay?

(FWIW, I haven't accepted these plans nor fully rejected them yet, when this came up the concert was even more in the future and I said I didn't want to plan that far ahead)

I would not give up that much of my weekend to trail along after someone else, just to save them the trouble of getting into the City for the concert. Not to mention gas, etc.

I notice that you would be doing ALL the "giving" in her scenario. In what way does she inconvenience herself for *you*, or for your mutual benefit?

Don't second-guess, and don't explain. Say, "Meredith, that's just nuts. I'm not giving up all my weekend to follow you around or wait for you to be involved in other activities just because you don't want to go into the city. I'll meet you there. At our seat--you've got your ticket, right?"

And hang up. Don't stick around for any conversation about this. Now is your chance to teach her (through natural consequences. *not* through argument or persuasion) that this is just not appropriate.

This might be a fun idea for some people. It is something my mother does quite a lot, for example. To me it sounds like a nightmare. "Stay with me, drive me everywhere, and be my little helper at my second job! Whoopie!"

No. Really, just no. Stick to your original plans. If she doesn't want to drive, she'll find another way in.

Logged

You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

Did she actually say her reasoning is so she doesn't have to drive to the concert herself? If not, I wouldn't assume that. (Apologies if I missed it!)

Sounds to me like she wants to spend time together. It's not your idea of a fun time (it wouldn't be mine either) so just decline and let her know your Friday & Saturday is booked so you'll have to meet her at the concert.

If her reasoning *is* that she wanted a ride, well, she should have cleared that with you before purchasing tickets. Not your fault you aren't up for it.

I don't get why it's either spend the entire weekend with her or meet at the concert venue. I am assuming the concert is Saturday night: Couldn't you pick her up Saturday after she's done with all her errands, go to the concert together, drive her to her home afterward and then either continue home or stay over that one night?

Did she actually say her reasoning is so she doesn't have to drive to the concert herself? If not, I wouldn't assume that. (Apologies if I missed it!)

Sounds to me like she wants to spend time together. It's not your idea of a fun time (it wouldn't be mine either) so just decline and let her know your Friday & Saturday is booked so you'll have to meet her at the concert.

If her reasoning *is* that she wanted a ride, well, she should have cleared that with you before purchasing tickets. Not your fault you aren't up for it.

She didn't say specifically "I don't want to drive," but she listed her reasons why she doesn't like to. She doesn't think her car is reliable, people drive differently, I'm more familiar with the city, how much gas it would take, we could save on parking costs with only one car going, stuff like that. She didn't say them at all once, but threw them in one at a time during the conversation.

They aren't terrible reasons, but also not enough to convince me she needs me to do all this just for a ride. It doesn't take any more gas or reliability than a usual trip to work, and she has had improvements done at the mechanics' recently anyway. I admit I'm not very sympathetic to the "but I'm scared of the city" reasoning since the last time a "friend" took advantage of my familiarity with the area to try to get out of driving, using gas, and going in on parking fees. I know that's not fair to Meredith right now, but the situation is bringing back the memories.

And as suggested by YummyMummy66- she is aware of that option too, she thought of it for another concert that will be sometime after this one. The difference then is that one is on a work night, so she decided she could follow me to my place from work. She didn't suggest it for this show and neither did I, maybe she can secretly see how much "work" it is to drive 20 miles to meet someone for a 20 mile ride, haha. It ended up that the plans changed and that won't be happening- thankfully because I wasn't sure what exactly she wanted to do the four hours between work and the concert.

When we go to make the arrangements for real I will certainly be clear that we will have to meet at the venue.

That's amazingly entitled of her. Seriously to put this in perspective, a friend of mine and I went to a concerting in Reading PA, a few years back. I left Buffalo NY at midnight Friday arrived in Philly about Noon on Saturday we drove from Philly to Reading and saw the show and I then got back on a bus and was home around 3pm on Sunday. Your "friend" is asking the same type of time investment from you -except that you should be working with her on her second job in between. For a show that is less than an hour round trip form you. That's crazy. I am sorry she does not like to drive in the city but if that's the case either she doesn't go, or she finds an alternative to your sacrificing an entire weekend to being her chauffeur. But her desire to not drive in the city is not your issue to solve.

She is being a bit entitled. and I don't think you're wrong to be a bit put out. I'd give her the options suggested; she can drive to your house, go CRIVINS! you, then drive home, or meet you there.

I sometimes go to concerts with a friend. I don't drive well at night, esp wiht lots of lights, such as thousands trying to leave a venue at the same time. And in places I'm not familiar with. So the deal is, she drives, I pay for gas and parking, and we meet somewhere convenient for both of us.

She used to live close to me, and my office, and she'd come get me at work, and then drop me back at my car on the way home. She has since moved further away, in the opposite direction but if we were to go to another show, we could still meet at my office, since its literally 5 minutes off the interstate we would take to and for her to take home. I know she'd do that for me. But if it were majorly out of the way, if i didn't want to drive, I'd make my own arrangements based on HER schedule etc if she were going to drive

I don't get why it's either spend the entire weekend with her or meet at the concert venue. I am assuming the concert is Saturday night: Couldn't you pick her up Saturday after she's done with all her errands, go to the concert together, drive her to her home afterward and then either continue home or stay over that one night?

I'm not sure either! All of this planning came from her- we bought the tickets in advance, and while I prefer to leave the ride-planning (if any) closer to the event, she wanted to plan it before the tickets were even on sale. Nothing wrong with that, especially since she clearly schedules in advance, but I wasn't prepared for it.

Me picking her up at her place right before is definitely an option, I don't want to (nor feel it is necessary, honestly) to pick her up, but I think it didn't come up for this show because in her mind, me leaving to her place from work is more efficient than if I had to leave from my house. Either that or the staying over was supposed to be an incentive or justification- as if the situation was that I was going to be there anyway and then I may as well drive both of us.