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Monday, January 22, 2007

Coffee and Urination

A guy walked into the bathroom today with a coffee mug and set it down on the top of the urinal while he completed his transaction. Afterward, he took a sip as he headed to the sink. How long before someone brings in a Wawa hoagie, or a Japanese steakhouse sets up shop in one of the stalls?

I've seen the frighteningly disgusting habit of bringing a bottle of beer into the lavatory and setting it on top of the urinal repeated often in the men's room of a bar. This is the surest sign of alcoholism. Forgot blacking out. Forget trembling. Forget lying about boozing or drinking in secret. If a person cannot part with his/her drink long enough to forgo bringing it into a bathroom and placing it in contact with a putrid, germ-infested dispenser of bodily waste, he or she should be shipped immediately to the Betty Ford Center...but not before the person's parent/guardian administers a slap across the face while posing the question: "You put your drink on a urinal? Are you out of your fucking mind?!"