It might seem like a totally irrelevant question but under Obama’s new healthcare plan it’s extremely important that you understand the difference between being struck by a turtle or being bitten by one of the dastardly creatures. If your physician uses the wrong healthcare code your insurer may not cover the stitches.

In a speech delivered earlier this month that’s just beginning to gain some online momentum, Republican Senator Rand Paul of Kentucky strongly criticized Obama’s new 9,000 page healthcare plan. The Senator was addressing the Iowa Republican party when he lashed out at the ridiculous classification codes physicians will be required to use in 2014.

Currently, physicians have about 18,000 medical diagnostic codes they use to identify ailments for insurance providers. Under Obamacare, the number of codes will jump to more than 140,000.

“Included among these codes,” the senator continued, “will be 312 new codes for injuries from animals; 72 new codes for injuries just from birds; 9 new codes for ‘injuries from the macaw.”‘

“The macaw?” he asked. “I’ve asked physicians all over the country, ‘Have you ever seen an injury from a macaw?”‘

Paul went on to explain that he’d also found two new codes under Obamacare to be used for “injuries sustained from a turtle.”

“Now, you might say, ‘Well, turtles are dangerous’ — but why do you have to have two codes?” he asked. “Your doctor has to inform the government whether you’ve been struck by a turtle or bitten by a turtle.”

Paul added that there is a special code for “injuries sustained from burning water skis,” and there are even two codes for walking into a lamppost – one for the first time you knock your noggin and another for a “subsequent encounter.”

“Your government just wants to take care of you,” he added, criticizing the new law’s 9,000-plus pages of new regulations. “They don’t think you’re smart enough to make these decisions.”