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A Bureaucrat is the most despicable of men, though he is needed as vultures are needed, but one hardly admires vultures whom Bureaucrats so strangely resemble. I have yet to meet a Bureaucrat who was not petty, dull, almost witless, crafty or stupid, an oppressor or a thief, a holder of little authority in which he delights, as a boy delights in possessing a vicious dog. Who can trust such creatures? -- Cicero

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The Rules of Bureaucracy

Rule #O: "The Rules of Bureaucracy are mutable, non-canonical, non-ordinal, and contradictory, except in the cases where they are not."

Rule #1: "Document everything you do; if you didn't write it down, it didn't happen."

Rule #2 [The Sixty Minutes Rule]:"Never do anything that would cause Ed Bradley, Mike Wallace, Morley Safer, Steve Croft, Leslie Stahl, or even Andy Rooney to persue you down a hallway with a camera crew."

Rule #3: "Nothing Simple is Ever Easy"

Rule #4: "It's about the money; follow the money."

Rule #5: "Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

Rule #6: "Politics is the enemy of good government."

Rule #7: "The biggest detriment to public service is the public."

Rule #8: "The second biggest detriment to public service is the service."

Rule #9: "There's a reason; there's ALWAYS a reason."

Rule #10: "The Law is a harsh mistress: The rigorous and exacting application of which can benefit of society when used correctly to advance good policy and block bad, and be the bane of society when used incorrectly to advance bad policy and block good."

Rule #11: "Public service often involves waking up in the morning, opening up the newspaper, and discovering that someone, somewhere out there thinks that you're a dickhead."

Rule #12: "No one really knows what you do."

Rule #13 [Luke's Rule]:"No one ever acts like the bastard they really are."

Rule #14: "Bureaucracy endures."

Rule #15: "The longer you work in bureaucracy, the more Catch-22 resembles non-fiction."

Monday, December 15, 2008

(Reuters) Washington D.C. - On the day that electors from all 50 States gathered to cast their ballots for President of the United States, the Electoral College was rocked by scandal today as its dean stepped down amid rumors that he improperly awarded a degree to the daughter of a high level Kerry contributor.

Mark Garrison, PhD resigned from his post after the College learned about the school’s approval of a master’s degree for a student who had more than the prescribed amount of independent study and transfer credits in place of regular coursework.

The irregularities surrounding the degree, awarded in 2004, was only brought to the attention of the College administration last Tuesday, said spokesman Ken Lang.

"We always take any issue regarding political integrity very seriously," he said. "This is something where, when we find out something like this, we review it immediately."

A hastily assembled College panel has begun to review the circumstances of this incident. Preliminary reports indicate that the awardee had completed only 22 of 44 credits, although the College transcript had been altered to reflect completion of all 44 credits.

Citing federal privacy laws, the College is not releasing the name of the student who received the 2004 degree, or exactly what type of master's degree the student received.

Dr. Garrison joined the College in 1993 and had been Dean since 2003. He did not return a phone call to his home today.

This is not the first scandal to hit the Electoral College. In 1824, the school was accused of vote rigging by Tennessee Senator Andrew Jackson, although Senator Jackson had been also accused of extreme hazing of incoming freshman as part of his Fraternity Alpha Kappa Alpha.

In 1987 the College suffered an embarrassment when Playboy released a "Women of the EC" issue.

More recently however, however, is the highly publicized doping scandal during its 1999 Men's Basketball championship against the College of Cardinals. Five collegians were expelled in that instance, and three were placed on political probation.

Many in the political community have repeatedly called for the College's dismantlement, citing the above scandals, the low testing scores, and its reputation as a "party school."

No evidence has arisen that suggests that President-Elect Barack Obama had any knowledge of these events, however, National Review Online has opined that the lack of evidence does not mean that there was no crime committed.

Nevertheless, Senator Obama was elected as President today by the College with 365 votes.

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