It must’ve crossed Joe Hart’s mind as he played in his final game for Manchester City to just say ‘fuck this’, and let in 10 goals against Steaua Bucharest, forcing Pep Guardiola and the Citizens into the Europa League.

The Three Lions No.1(?) kept a clean sheet in his last runout for the club he has represented since 2006, opting against a farewell bit of sabotage. However, he wasn’t shy when it came to the post-match comments on the whole scenario surrounding him and the new City gaffer.

It’s important to note at this point, that the former Shrewsbury Town shot-stopper was making the ‘wanker’ sign during the above comments ✊✊.

“We all know the reason I’m leaving has nothing to do with my goalkeeping ability. It’s all because I’m an ambassador for Head & Shoulders, and that’s just a constant reminder to Pep that he’s bald.

“My dandruff-free blonde locks bring out the green-eyed monster in him. It’s not a surprise that I’ve been replaced by Willy Cabellero, a ‘keeper with no hair.

“I’d strongly advise Claudio Bravo in not joining City whilst Pep remains, as I’ve seen pictures of him; he has gorgeous, grease-free hair thanks to Head & Shoulders – which is available in all good supermarkets for just £2.99 – and Pep will end up dropping him for that.”

Joe Hart

The 29-year-old was then questioned on where he will end up after the Etihad Stadium, with the transfer window only open until Wednesday. However, he was reluctant to give too much away.

“I’ve got offers from all corners of the globe. But all I know is that I’ll be joining a club with a manager that wants a goalkeeper to be a goalkeeper, rather than the club’s best defender, midfielder and attacker. Prick.”