Texas

Last night, as I parallel parked my car on West 6th Street, between Hut’s Hamburgers and Whole Foods, a tall, older man dressed in black waved his arms at me, implying that I should back my car up.

“A $40 ticket they’ll give you for not being in the lines,” I could hear muffled through my window.

I made sure my car was in the lines and watched as the tall, older man dressed in black cheerfully spoke to the stream of people who walked by.

“Ain’t that a nice sweater you have!” he said to one man who eyed him suspiciously.

I exited my car and walked to the parking meter that stood between the man and I.

I too was suspicious of his jovial nature, and as we made small talk while I tried to purchase a parking sticker for my car with a credit card, I wondered when we’d get to the point he’d ask me for change.

Admitting this makes me cringe, but like most major cities, parking in downtown settings often comes with its share of panhandlers. When I was little, I couldn’t Continue Reading

Snap Kitchen, an Austin-based health food eatery, selected me as one of the 21 Texas challengers for their 21 Days for Good Challenge.

From November 1st-21st, Snap Kitchen will be providing us healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner as we work towards our personal goals for the month. In addition, the challenger who does the best job chronicling their 21-day journey will receive $3,000 for the charity of their choice. My charity is LIVESTRONG.

Instead of picking one goal, like losing weight or getting more fit, I decided to aim for 21 goals. On each of the 21 days, I will strive to do something good, either for myself or for someone else. I’ve been filling up my calendar with volunteer opportunities such as dinner service at the Austin Resource Center for the Homeless, dog walking at the Austin Animal Center, meal delivery through Meals on Wheels and trash pickup through Keep Austin Beautiful. As for personal goals, I’ll Continue Reading

A few days ago, I posted the picture below with a promise to write about why Matthew McConaughey should be the mayor of Austin.

photo by Rick Kern for Getty Images

And I’m not talking about in the future. McConaughey should be mayor now. I’m encouraging everyone in Austin to write in Mr. McConaughey come election time on November 4th (or Steven Adler, if you’re not writing in). If anyone would like to join my McConaughey for Mayor campaign, let me know. You get to wear this t-shirt:

1.) He’s a native Texan, he went to the University of Texas at Austin and he lives in Austin.
But most important– he winks.

2.) He’s his own hero.
It’s important that your mayor believes in himself. It’s absolutely vital that your mayor will one day build a statue of himself dancing with a Lone Star can in front of the Continue Reading

All I know is that that means I can stalk write about the Kids in the Hall.

Man, I love the Kids in the Hall. I’ve written about them a disgusting amount on this blog.

They, along with Fleetwood Mac, single-handedly helped shape who I am, which is a fucking weirdo.

What are the similarities between the Kids in the Hall and Fleetwood Mac? Absolutely nothing, but my 15-year-old chubby ass loved both of them.

I wanted to be a Canadian filmmaker because of the Kids in the Hall. I spent most of my seventeenth year desperately trying to figure out how to get my very pale, very chubby ass to Toronto for film school, and no one knew how to get me there. In fact, my guidance counselor told me, “I’ve never had a student who wanted to go to Canada.”

So I gave up on my dream, friends. It died like a sad fly trapped in a car without air conditioning.

Since I work from home, I’VE BEGUN LOSING MY MIND I spend a lot of time talking to and getting to know the feral cats in our neighborhood. They tell me their secrets.

And there are a lot of them (cats, not secrets).

There’s Zorro, Fatface, Baby Momma, Fake Dee, Gray Kitty, Gray Tomcat, Blackie (we’re very creative with names) and a slew of others that stick their kitty pecpees in the kitty vajayjays and then leave come and go.

If the cats didn’t run away in terror every time I came near them, then I would have individual pictures for all of them.

The only pics I have are of Zorro because he’s semi-blind and doesn’t know when I creep up on him from behind (he also looks like Grumpy Cat) and a group shot of Zorro, Fake Dee and Gray Kitty hanging out. They like to sleep in groups, with Zorro often acting as elder statesman Continue Reading

It should come as no surprise that Austin has been on a butt-load of reality TV shows. Why is it not a surprise? Because Austin is currently America’s shiny ball that they like to poke, play with and stare at.

Many of those aforementioned reality shows are food-based. The culinary scene in Austin has grown by leaps and bounds in the past several years. Having moved here from California (let the name-calling begin), I was initially disappointed in what I felt was a lackluster food scene in Austin. Fast-forward five years later and Austin is on the top of the list of American food destinations. Austin’s very own Paul Qui won Top Chef two years back and our beloved Franklin BBQ was named the best BBQ in America by Bon Appetit Magazine. Austin is full of incredible culinary talent and it’s a fantastic place to be a foodie in right now.

I use to work at a local restaurant that was featured on a popular Travel Channel show and based off the influx of traffic the restaurant received, Continue Reading

Before yesterday, I always thought a snake ball is when prepubescent male snakes put on their bow ties, ask to borrow their ‘rent’s Caddy and impress the female snakes with their dance moves learned from watching Michael Jackson clips on Youtube (at least that’s what I would do if I was a male snake).

A snake ball is exactly what was described above, but without the clip-on ties or awkward Thriller arm-waving that looks more like Alien Hand Syndrome.

A snake ball is when an ASS-LOAD OF SNAKES crowd around a female and try to get it on with her.

A snake ball is something that makes me nearly poop myself and become a dead weight that my friends have to drag around until I understand that the snakes are a.) not interested in biting us and b.) would have difficulty biting us in the water even if they wanted to bite us.

We were tubing on the Guadalupe River in Gruene, Texas. I’ve written Continue Reading

Geoff and I took a lovely trip to Gonzales, Texas this weekend (60 miles due south from Austin on Highway 183); he was acting in a movie and I was happily reconnecting with nature after becoming a complete workaholic recluse.

Acting is something that Geoff has gotten into recently (he acted in two movies last year) and disconnecting with reality and working on the couch is my current hobby. Needless to say, the short trip was advantageous for both of us (though I had a mini-meltdown when I realized that the SOLE coffee shop in Gonzales closed down over two years ago).

Gonzales, like similar old towns dotted over the state of Texas, is small and quaint. A sign proclaiming, “Pocketknives are IN! Pick up yours today!” greeted us as we drove in. Like rings on a tree, you can see the decades of wear on the semi-deserted downtown. On the smallest ring, you see the strong, granite buildings from the 1800s with beautiful tin tile ceilings and floor to rooftop windows. The next ring you Continue Reading