Hard hitting journalism- gloves off and no punches pulled- about cartoons!

Friday, August 11, 2006

Public Expected To Throw Themselves Into A Tizzy Over New 3D Animated Movie Project

Big things loom on the horizon for PixelHurricane Co. as it readies its debut of a can't miss animated blockbuster.

"Humanz"- is a CGI tour de force that will introduce audiences to a world where human beings rule!

Imagine a place where flesh-colored buildings topped with hairpieces dot the landscape and natural elements like mountains, trees and shrubbery take the shape and form of hands and feet! The story concerns the adventure of Joe Sapiens; a spunky, bright-eyed idealist who travels to the big city of Peopleopolis to find his fortune, only to meet a gang of rag-tag misfits who oppose the Big Boss Man, a villain who has staked his claim on the lovely Polly Trueheart! Can the gang rally together and make things right? Sure they can.

Featuring Robin Williams playing every role in the film, aided by thousands of tiny motion capture sensors, and 'cleaned up' by a team of 'motion-capture enhancers' (recently demoted from the animation department), the studio has bet everything it has on this huge money-making property.

Joe Henck, spokesperson for PixelHurricane Co. popped a champagne bottle open and lit a cigar with a 50 dollar bill while explaining:

"This CG thing is a sure thing! Every one of them makes more money than the last! We'll all be farting through silk when this thing hits!"

The company has spent $138,000 on rented security, to help keep order in the lineups, as the crowds are expected to stretch around city blocks and be camped out for days.

Joe Henck continued: "We have committed partners in the toy, garment and recording industries waiting to roll out the biggest pile of merchandise ever witnessed by human eyes. 5 sequels have started production already! If this thing doesn't make 800 million dollars by next month, I'll eat my hat with Worcestershire sauce!"

Sounds like a winner, Joe! I'll be first in line with my Kiddy Meal and T-shirt!

4 Comments:

This is an amazing coincidence! Here at Scanada Picture Works, Ltd. we, too, have just now started on a Mo-Cap / CGI feature called "Meatropolis!" It's the story of a simple hot dog named Frank (get it?) who is in search of the golden bun in order to save his home town (the titular Meatropolis) from the clutches of a cut-rate delicatessen supply company. Frank and his kooky gang of unlikely heroes must battle the evil Head Cheese as they race against the clock and learn that some things are worth fighting for.

Here's the sweet part! We were just about to begin recording sessions with Danny Bonaduce in the starring roll (get it?) of Frank when, waddyaknow, Mel Gibson suddenly becomes available! Yep! Mel suddenly showed up at our Hamilton, Ontario studios, hat in hand, looking for any kind of work we could throw his way. When Bonaduce failed to show up for the recording sessions, our executive office manager, Gordon McInerny, suggested that we promote Mel from custodian to voice actor! (He still has to sweep out the studio, but now he gets craft services benefits as well. Livin' la vida loca, Mel!)

Look for "Meatropolis" later this year. Ready or not, it'll be in the theaters a month before "Humanz!"

I am most pleased to be announcing that HinduMation Studios in Sangam Vinar, New Delhi will be releasing a virtual innovation production of "Meatopia!" Owing to to his immediate availability, American movie and rock and roll star Danny (Family of Partridges) Bonaduce will be providing the most funny starring voice of the heroic Chuck Roast.

Once upon a time there was the most magic kindom of Meatopia where all is happy. Buildings and cars made out of meat. Even animals made of meat! The palace is a standing rib roast and Sir Loin is the evil council to King Burger (American Happy-Toy tie-in guaranteed if we not sued!) Bad thing happen (Martians? Villian? Tsunami?) and court jester Chuck Roast must save day for Princess Pork Chop (or whatever it is you American Yankees eat so much of). Funny side kick provides heart-warming laughs and adventures.

Will be in theaters next week owing to proprietary PowerPoint software program. I assure you this production is first class and has nothing to do with the recent poppy harvest. Laugh many times at our story.

Commander Belfrey3 has impelled the image-workers on slave planet Omnicron7 to produce the Hologramation feature entitled "Earthlingz" based on your planet's entertainment transmissions and computer communications.

Clones of your beloved actors Burgess Meredith and Andy Devine have synthesized the characters "Typical Earth-Worker Samuel-4" and his inferior friend-unit "Jingles". Since your laughable copyright laws hold no sway in our galaxy, Garfield the Cat plays the emperor of New Toledo and uses his oppressive thugs Charlie the Brown and Winifred the Pooh to enforce his iron will upon the feeble residents of this glorious suburb. With the world's supply of your frozen fish sticks in jeopardy, it will be up to "Earth-Worker Samuel-4" and friend-unit "Jingles" to supply many laughable and adventurous pursuits in the attainment of their imponderable Earth-goals.

I warn that by looking HERE the entire feature has been imprinted in your tiny Earth-brain and will be released in time for the compelling interplanetary merchandising campaign. At this time, we will harvest your planet's meager resources. If you are foolish enough to once again look HERE and HERE the Direct-To-Earth-Video Sequel and Syndicated Series have likewise been imprinted in your pitiable cerebral cortex.