Relationships and how to survive them

One plus one equals
three

The concept behind the composite chart - or,
as Erin Sullivan sometimes calls it, the compost chart - is
that it represents the relationship itself as a third factor.
Two people create a third thing between them. The composite
chart is like an energy field, which affects both people and
draws certain things out of each individual as well as imposing
its own dynamics on both.

The composite doesn't seem to describe what
either person feels about the other. In this way it is very
different from synastry, which describes the chemistry between
two people in terms of how they affect each other. When we
are exploring the synastry in a relationship, we say, "Your
Venus is on my Mars. You are activating my Mars and bringing
a Mars response out of me, and I am activating your Venus
and invoking a Venus response in you. Consequently we feel
a certain way about each other." When we are looking
at a composite chart, we are not exploring what two people
activate in each other or feel about each other. We are interpreting
the energy field they generate between them. The composite
chart is like a child, a third entity which carries the genetic
imprints of both parents but combines these imprints in an
entirely new way and exists independently of either of them.

Because the composite has all the same features
as a birth chart, we need to approach its interpretation in
more or less the same way. The composite chart has a core
identity which signifies its "purpose" (the Sun)
and a characteristic set of emotional responses and needs
(the Moon). It has a mode of communication (Mercury) and a
distinctive set of values and ideals (Venus). It has a mode
of expressing energy and will (Mars). It has its own way of
growing and expanding (Jupiter) and it has innate limitations
and defence mechanisms (Saturn). It has a specific vulnerability
to the collective due to patterns from the collective background
of the relationship (Chiron). It reflects certain collective
ideals which strive for change and progress (Uranus). It has
innate aspirations which reflect certain collective fantasies
(Neptune). It has a bottom-line survival instinct which can
prove supportive to the relationship's continuity but can
also be destructive if the relationship is under threat (Pluto).
It has an image or role to play in the eyes of society (MC),
and it has a "personality" which will express itself
in certain characteristic ways to the world outside (Ascendant).
The signs in a composite chart describe the basic stuff or
"temperament" of which the relationship is made;
the planets describe the motivating energies; and the houses
describe the spheres of life through which the planets express
themselves. All this is basic astrology, and it is no less
applicable to the composite than it is to the individual birth
chart.

Relationship as an entity

We do not usually think of our relationships as independent
entities. More often, we think in terms of our own feelings
and attitudes, or the feelings and attitudes of the other
person. Yet every relationship creates its own ambience. None
of us behaves in the same way when we are half of a couple
as we do when we are operating solo. We might have characteristic
behaviour patterns when we are alone, but the moment we are
with our partner, a certain kind of energy dynamic is set
in motion and we behave in particular ways which are sometimes
very noticeable in the company of other people.

Two people in relationship
create an atmosphere around them, not by conscious choice,
but because that is simply what happens. Other people will
often reflect this back to us. "The two of you seem such
a lively, attractive couple," a friend might say, or,
"What an exciting life the two of you must have!"
Meanwhile, one is thinking to oneself, "What on earth
are they talking about? That isn't how I feel." We might
see something like composite Jupiter rising in Sagittarius
and Libra at the composite MC, and other people perceive the
relationship as an exciting and glamorous Jupiter-Venus entity.
But one's partner's Saturn might be conjunct one's Moon and
opposition one's Sun, and the synastry between the birth charts
might make one feel more like Sisyphus and his rock than Mick
Jagger and Jerri Hall. The opposite can also occur. The composite
may have Saturn rising and Chiron culminating, and the world
sees something quite heavy when one is with one's partner.
But the synastry may involve lots of Venus-Jupiter-Uranus
contacts, reflecting an excitement within the relationship
which both people personally feel but which does not express
itself to others.

We can learn a lot about
the angles of the composite chart for an important relationship
by asking other people how they see the relationship. Often
we might be in for quite a shock, because the answer may not
reflect how we actually feel about the other person. The composite,
like a natal chart, presents itself to the world according
to its Ascendant and MC. It has a ruling planet which will
focus the expression of the relationship in a certain house
or sphere of life. The houses of the composite work in the
same way they do in a birth chart, reflecting spheres of emphasis
through which the dynamics of the relationship are manifested.
When composite planets highlight a composite house, that area
of life will be extremely important to the relationship, and
both people will be impelled to focus on it, even if the same
house is empty in both birth charts. A relationship can push
us into having to confront certain areas of life, even if
natally we are neither predisposed nor well equipped to cope
in that area.

Composites have their own
laws and energies, and these have nothing to do with whether
we are "well matched" with someone. A composite
in itself will not tell us about compatibility. That is what
synastry is for. The composite won't reveal whether the relationship
is "good" or "bad" in terms of the chemistry
between two people. The composite says to us, "If you
choose to enter this relationship, here is its meaning and
pattern of destiny. This is what it is made of and what it
is for." If we want to get a sense of whether or not
that meaning and destiny are going to make us feel good, we
have to compare the composite with our own chart.

If we examine the synastry between the
composite and the chart of each individual in the relationship,
we can learn a lot about how the relationship makes each person
feel. We can also take a third party and compare that person's
chart to the composite. This is a fascinating exercise. Let's
say that I am in a long-term relationship, but also have a
lover. I can take that third party's chart and look at how
it affects the composite chart between me and my partner,
and I can get a very clear picture of how my lover affects
the relationship. We can also look at the chart of a child
in relation to the composite between the parents. This is
very useful in terms of understanding family dynamics. Some
children have a way of really disrupting the parental relationship,
while others help to glue it together. We can see this by
looking at the child's chart in relation to the parents' composite.
We might not see this dynamic by merely exploring the synastry
between the child and each individual parent.

Freedom and fate within relationship

Working with composites makes us think in terms of something
larger than ourselves as individuals. Wherever we go, we create
interfaces with other people, and we may not have the same
amount of choice in dealing with those interfaces as we might
when we deal with our own personal issues. If one has a Sun-Saturn
square in the birth chart, one can actively do something with
it. One doesn't have to be its victim, or live solely from
the darker side of it. It may be a difficult aspect in early
life, and it may reflect deep feelings of insecurity or inadequacy.
But one can say, "I know that a lot of my self-doubt
is connected with my father and my childhood. I sabotage myself
because I am sometimes afraid to aim high. I am often too
hard on myself, and expect too much. But I'm going to try
to work on these issues. I'll make an effort to understand
what they are about. I may need some psychotherapy to help
me to learn to trust myself more. And I'll try to develop
my Saturn sign so that I have more confidence." Gradually
one can shape that Sun-Saturn square into something very strong
and creative, if one is willing to put the necessary effort
into it.

But when a Sun-Saturn square appears in the
composite chart, the relationship cannot go into psychotherapy.
The relationship cannot say, of its own volition, "I'm
going to work on these feelings of limitation and self-doubt."
The relationship does not "feel" self-doubt. Both
individuals can work on their own Saturns. But neither may
have a Sun-Saturn square, and neither may really understand
why, when they are together, something in the relationship
thwarts and frustrates their joint goals. The external limitations
which often accompany a composite Sun-Saturn may seem strangely
impersonal and beyond one's control.

The impersonal feeling of the composite may
be very uncomfortable for us if we are psychologically inclined,
because psychological astrology implies individual responsibility
and a belief that we can change many things in our lives if
we are prepared to do the inner work. Because we view the
birth chart as an inner picture, we can take responsibility
for how we express it, and consciousness can make a huge difference.
A psychological approach to astrology allows us to transform
many things if we make sufficient effort. But one can be deluded
by the fantasy that one can change anything, and some things
lie beyond the individual's scope of influence. I am not suggesting
that composites are not psychological, or that we should abandon
this approach when interpreting them. But "psychological"
does not always mean free, and change may mean a change in
the attitudes of both people toward the relationship, rather
than a change in the endemic pattern of the relationship itself.

We can do nothing to change the fundamental
patterns in the composite chart. Of course the same may be
said of an individual chart. But we seem to have more room
to affect the levels on which we express our natal patterns.
This gives us the inner sense - valid or not - that we have
the power to participate actively in, or even create, our
own future. Maybe we do, at least in some areas of life. But
a composite presents us with a different experience, if not
a different reality at core. We can change how we react to
the patterns in the composite, and we can make the effort
to provide creative outlets for its energies. But even with
the maximum cooperation with a partner, the patterns of a
composite still feel "outside" our sphere of personal
influence. A composite will not say, "This is a bad relationship
- get out of it." But it may say, "This relationship
has got an inherent restriction which neither person is going
to be able to alter. If you want this relationship, accept
this issue." If the composite chart has a Sun-Saturn
square or a Sun-Chiron conjunction, it contains built-in limits,
often of a very concrete kind. These limits may prove to be
creative and positive for either or both individuals. But
they feel as though they have been imposed on us. A Sun-Saturn
square or a Sun-Chiron conjunction in the natal chart also
contains built-in limits, but we experience them differently.

Let's take composite Sun-Chiron aspects. I
have seen these many times when a relationship involves the
unavoidable inclusion of limits from the past. The past may
be an ex-partner who wants big maintenance payments, or it
may be children from a former marriage. These situations can
cause a lot of pain, especially where children are involved,
because no matter how mature and conscious the two people
are, there will be conflicts, divided loyalties, hurt feelings,
and perhaps also financial restrictions. It is not a question
of altering attitudes; a priori families, for any couple,
are a built-in fact which will always impose limits. If a
couple do not experience limits in such circumstances, then
we probably won't see Sun-Chiron in the composite chart.

We know that Chiron is connected with experiences
of wounding, particularly those which seem unfair and unmerited,
and which are a product of the state of the collective at
the time rather than some particular person's fault or act
of malice. Sun-Chiron contacts in a composite suggest that
the relationship itself carries an unhealable wound, usually
from the past of both parties, or from the nature of the world
in which the two people are living. At the same time, the
relationship may provide deep healing for both people, or
for others who come in contact with the couple, because the
inherent limits invoke suffering and consequent understanding
and compassion.

I have sometimes seen Sun-Chiron in a composite
when two people want very badly to have children but are unable
to do so. This is a wound which can make people think much
more deeply about who they are and what purpose their lives
serve, because they do not have the collectively sanctioned
"purpose" of a family to give them a direction in
life. Another example might be a partnership where there is
a great age difference, and the younger partner must watch
the other grow old and frail. No amount of love and commitment
can turn the clock back. Or there might be a physical handicap
in one partner which may be genuinely and deeply accepted,
but which limits the mobility of both people. Yet another
example might be a racially mixed marriage, or a homosexual
relationship, both of which may provoke animosity among neighbours
who are xenophobic or too rigid in their definitions of normality.
Xenophobia and rigid opinions are characteristic of many,
many people, and no amount of agonising or raging will alter
this unfortunate flaw in human nature. Both people may be
hurt through the relationship, not because it is "bad",
but because there is something about the way the relationship
"sits" in the collective which limits its possibilities.

I am not saying that it is a static picture.
As far as healing is concerned, it depends on what you mean
by the word. Chiron's wounds do not heal in the sense of going
away. Something has been permanently twisted out of shape,
even if the poison has been released and cleansed. One cannot
regain innocence once it has been destroyed by the kind of
wounding this planet reflects. But one's attitude toward the
wound can change, and greater tolerance, compassion, and wisdom
can result. That is a kind of healing; but it cannot undo
the past. One cannot, for example, make one's children by
a former partner vanish in a puff of smoke. One can try to
numb the wound by cutting off from the children emotionally,
and never seeing them again; and then there is another sort
of wound that must be dealt with. Or one can work very hard
to face all the emotional complications, and eventually establish
rewarding relationships with everyone concerned. But there
will always be compromise and sadness and a sense of loss.
Such aspects in the composite chart do not mean that the effects
of the difficulty remain static and unchanging. Both people
may be deeply and permanently transformed. But the past cannot
be remade.

The composite chart progresses like a
birth chart, and this reflects changes within the relationship
just as it does within the individual. But the composite chart
as an entity doesn't have the same capacity as an individual
for deciding of its own volition to change or fight against
something. It is not a conscious individual. Both people may
work to become more conscious, and the ways in which they
experience the relationship may change accordingly. But the
basic patterns of the relationship unfold like a seed growing
into a plant, with a natural inevitability that may feel alien
to our ego-centred consciousness.

Taken
from
Liz Greene:Relationships and how to survive them.
Part One: The Composite Chart, Part Two: The
Eternal Triangle
CPA Press, London.