Date: Mon, 03 Apr 2000 13:44:21 -0500
From: Silent Kid
Subject: Affirmation 5
Affirmation 5
Hi kids, hope you enjoy the new chapter. I've got chapter 6 in my head
already, but beyond that we'll see. I really do need some feedback on
this. You don't have to write an essay or predict the ending, just drop a
note and tell me how it's going.
Thanks, Amber silentkid@angelfire.com
Note: This chapter uses the song "I Knew I Loved You" by Savage Garden
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction with gay content. The characters
portrayed are not necessarily gay in real life. If you are under 18 or if
reading such material as this is illegal in your residence, don't read it.
------ During the wedding, Darren tried his best to surreptiously pull his
briefs out of his bum. Unceremonious, sure, but he couldn't take it
anymore. It had started while he marched his cousin down the aisle and
gotten progressively worse while he'd stood, fidgeting, during the priest's
monotonous delivery, and Albert and Robin's long winded, sappy, self-penned
vows. If this had been any other wedding, or if he had been any other
person, the problem could have been rectified unnoticed. But no, it had to
be this wedding, with 1200 guests, and he had to be Darren Hayes,
Superstar, which meant that half the eyes were on the bride and groom, and
the other half were on him. He tried every method he could without
resorting to his hands but succeeded only in making it worse. His briefs
were cutting his circulation. Finally, the priest announced Stephen's
song. He used the distraction to yank the wedgie out. Thankfully no one
saw him. He scanned the sanctuary to be sure. All clear. Then he saw
Robbie. Third row, seventh on the left, biting his lip, grinning at him.
Darren sighed. The man next to him nudged him and cast a look like they
were sharing a secret. Darren nodded at him and turned away before the guy
could see him rolling his eyes. He looked back at Robbie, who had stopped
smiling at him, and started smiling at Stephen.
Robbie looked so good in his suit. Darren wished Robbie was up here next
to him instead of the loser on his left--Albert's accountant cousin who
smelled of lilac cologne and whispered the tallies of the wedding party in
his ear: dress, $1500; flowers, $2000; cake, $500. "Shut up!" Darren
wanted to yell, but of course he didn't.
Robbie sat in between Shane and J. He had his arm around both of them.
Darren thought he saw J's hand on his leg. He wanted to get off the stupid
stage and tell J to move over so he could put his hand on Robbie's leg and
have Robbie's arm around him. The second the thought came into his head,
he felt that old familiar warmness creeping up his neck to his face. He
quickly turned to watch Stephen so the congregation wouldn't notice.
Stephen was so engrossed in his performance that he was actually crying.
Darren suppressed a laugh. Stephen would cry at The Rose, wouldn't he? Oh
well, Albert and Robin were loving it, no doubt. He was doing a ton better
than Darren would have, that's for certain. But back to the point, he
thought. What was his deal? What did he care what Robbie did, or what
others did to him?
"I'm so fucked up," he muttered, causing the accountant to nudge him again,
which he duly ignored. There was only one thing for it, he needed Daniel.
He'd know what to do. Darren was certain of it. He'd go back to Australia
tomorrow morning. There, it was settled now. Immediately Darren felt
better, relieved even, at the prospect of laying all this confusion at
Daniel's feet and letting his Zen bandmate sort it out.
"You may kiss the bride," the priest said, and the spectators cheered.
Darren snapped out of his reverie and clapped heartily. Robin blew Stephen
a kiss as she and Albert were ushered down the aisle. Stephen bowed in
thanks, still wiping tears out of his eyes.
Ronan joined them at the reception. They ended up spread across the
dancing hall at little round tables. Darren and Robbie sat together at one
with the cousin Darren escorted in the wedding. Darren had grabbed her
when he saw the accountant making his way to the empty chair. He insisted
she sit with him and Robbie. Besides, she and Darren had reminiscing to do
about her mother, his favorite aunt. They talked for a good twenty minutes
before a lithe young man spirited her away to dance. Robbie scooted his
chair closer to Darren so they could hear each other over the music.
"Great show. I've never been to a Catholic wedding."
"Glad you liked it, " Darren said.
"You'll like my show as well. Are you coming tomorrow?"
"I can't," Darren said. Robbie's brow furrowed in confusion. "I decided
to go to Australia tomorrow morning," he said.
"But you were supposed to stay until Sunday," Robbie blurted.
"I never said that," Darren said emphatically.
"Well, I'm staying until Sunday!"
"You're not me!" Robbie's face was losing color and it frightened Darren.
"Look," Darren ventured, "I have to see Daniel. I have to work something
out with him."
Robbie grabbed Darren by the back of the neck and pulled him to him. "What
am I supposed to do?" he hissed in his ear.
"About what?" Darren asked, seriously worried. He hadn't expected this
reaction at all.
Robbie stared at Darren, open mouthed and fiery eyed. "If you don't know,"
he finally said, "then what the fuck have you been doing?" Then Darren saw
Robbie's eyes welling up. He reached for him to apologize, even though he
was as confused as all hell, but Robbie dodged his touch and made rapidly
for the exit. Darren started after him, but he felt a hand pounding his
back. He turned around as the lilacs hit his nose.
"My son sings a bit," the accountant said.
"Yeah?" Darren said.
"I brought a tape!"
Darren put his Cheerful Public Persona face on and sat back down. Maybe he
could get the guy to give him the tape and go.
Eight minutes later Darren burst into the foyer looking wildly for Robbie.
He found him in a second, sitting in the corner ten feet from the door. He
started for him, then saw he wasn't alone. Stephen sat parallel to him,
facing him. Stephen held his hand and gently stroked his face. Robbie was
talking rapidly, but Darren couldn't hear what he said. Stephen nodded, a
sympathetic expression on his face. Darren was about to step in to
apologize when it happened. Stephen rubbed Robbie's hair then leaned in
and kissed him. Robbie kissed back. Darren could tell, even from his
position. Before he knew it, Ronan was there, apparently having entered
just in time to see the kiss. He raced over without a word and bodily
lifted Stephen away from Robbie. He flung him around so Stephen crashed
down on the floor inches from Darren. Darren was too stunned to help him
up.
"You know better!" Ronan hissed at Robbie. "You know better!"
Robbie blinked at him, which only infuriated Ronan more. Stephen tried
stepping in. "Leave him be, Ro. It was my fault."
Ronan turned, pointing at Stephen. "Stephen, I'll talk to you in there, "
he said, gesturing to an empty room. Stephen stood firm. "Stop it, Ronan.
It was nothing."
"I saw what it was, and half the nation could have seen it too! What were
you thinking?"
"Ronan..." Darren started, not knowing how he would finish, but in the end
he didn't have to because Ronan was on him, pulling him from the wall and
yelling,
"You! Stay out of this, Daz. And keep a better eye on your boy." With
this, he flung Darren against the wall so he landed, winded, next to
Robbie. Robbie turned away from him, but Darren didn't care to do anything
about it.
"Ro, you're acting ridiculous," Stephen said huffily. Without a word,
Ronan grabbed Stephen's wrist and firmly led him away, silencing any
protests with a death glare. He locked the door behind them. Darren
looked at Robbie, and only saw that his lips were still wet from Stephen's
kiss. Robbie turned and saw him staring. He opened his mouth, then gave
up on what he would have said, and instead simply got up and went back to
the party.
For the umpteenth time that week, Darren's gut was in knots and he felt
sick. He put his head in his hands and took deep breaths. He was somewhat
surprised to realize his eyes were wet. He wasn't crying, but he could be
any second. He sat, taking deep breaths, trying not to think about
anything except getting though until tomorrow when he'd be on the plane out
of this wretched city and away from all these weird Brits. Someone stood
in front of him. He looked up, but it wasn't Robbie. J grabbed his hand
and pulled him to his feet. Darren stared at him, uncertain. J pulled him
to him, wrapped his arms around him. No, Darren thought, not J, but his
arms moved of their own volition and he surprised himself by hugging him
back. J gently pushed Darren's head down on his shoulder. Darren rested
there, not knowing what to do. Eventually it sank in that J was whispering
in his ear. Thirty seconds later, it sunk in that he could understand him.
Almost.
"Don't leave him," he said, although it may have been "don't hurt him," or
even "dude, slugger". Darren wanted to ask why but knew it wouldn't matter
since he wouldn't understand him anyway. J's grip hadn't loosened, so
Darren simply stayed in his arms. He didn't feel like moving.
"Is everything okay, here?" Albert asked, coughing politely.
"Fine," Darren said, as J released him.
"Great, well, Robin and I were wondering if you could..."
"Sure, I'll be right there," Darren said.
"Great." Albert patted Darren's arm. Then he quietly said, "If you need
anything, just say."
"I'm fine," Darren said again.
"Right," Albert said. "See you onstage, then."
"Yeah," Darren said. "I have to go sing now, " he explained to J. J
didn't reply, just held the door open so they could go back to the party.
The band leader introduced him, announced "I Knew I Loved You" as the Happy
Couple's chosen song, and handed the mic to Darren. He thanked him and
scanned the massive, formal crowd. Robin smiled at him. All his
stagefright melted away. He snapped the mic into place and nodded at the
band to begin.
Maybe it's intuition
But some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes
I see my future in an instant
And there it goes
I think I've found my best friend
I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe
He turned to nod at Daniel, but Daniel wasn't there, just a kid who looked
a lot like the lilac accountant. The kid grinned at him.
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
He grinned when he hit the high note. It was his favorite part of singing.
He saw Stephen standing in the doorway. He wasn't smiling, but not because
of Darren. He sang at him a bit and Stephen pushed the corners of his
mouth up with his fingers to show his gratitude.
There's just no rhyme or reason
Only this sense of completion
And in your eyes
I see the missing pieces
I'm searching for
I think I've found my way home
The kid sidled up to him with his guitar. Darren ignored him. He only did
stage tricks with Daniel. He saw Ronan talking to a young girl, ignoring
the song completely. Even though he appeared caught in conversation, he
still bore a sour expression. Darren couldn't see Robbie anywhere. He
squinted in the haze, straining to see to the back of the hall.
I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
Just before his favorite line, ironically, about angels, he found Robbie.
A figure in the far corner that he had assumed to be one large man was
actually two.
A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I've found you
Robbie and Shane huddled in the back, arms entwined and bodies pressed so
close they could have been the same person. Darren even thought they were
actually trying to be one person. Darren's head, heart, and stomach all
plunged south in the same instance.
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
He barely finished the song, cracking on the last note, and jumped off the
stage before the kid could speak to him. On another day he would feel bad,
but not now. Now he had to get out, back to the hotel where he could hide
and call Daniel and ask him why he had been so stupid, and, more
importantly, what he was being stupid about because he was so dazed and
dumb he didn't even know. He ran out of the building and was sick in the
alleyway. A bum yelled at him, but he didn't say anything. He knew how
nonthreatening his accent was, how, if anything, it encouraged hecklers.
He wiped his mouth and stumbled into the street walking in what he hoped
was the right direction.
tbc
silentkid@angelfire.com