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Full Text

February 6, 2007 February 20, 2007

HE
VOLUME 3

Look Ma, I've Got Something

You Don't Have!
One Year of Shpiel and Counting...

In a modest bedroom west of the Swamp, during the wee hours of the morn,' The
SHPiEL was born. There were three of us, huddled around the computer, watching
the man with the mouse perform his handiwork. Like proud parents, we paced as
the final copy was placed. Our creation was sent to the printer. The next day, he was
delivered: Volume I, Issue I a beautifully bounded baby boy, spanning 8 pages. (He's
now a strapping toddler at 12 pages).
For our child's first day of school we made sure our kinder-SHPiEL was well
equipped. Features, check. Hard news, check. Columns, check. But one thing was awry.
Like Times Square on New Year's Eve at 11:59 p.m., we were still waiting for our balls
to drop.
But this spring, the Azaleas have blossomed and the old socks have ripened. Smell
them, we dare you!
No longer will you use us as toilet paper (when you run out), a snot rag (when the
tissue runs dry), a placemat (for your Krishna lunch), a book cover (to hide that porn
you're reading), or as litter liner (for your little kitty) .... BiTCHES! We have taken
the last of your insults.

Bombing in Eilat Indicative of Deeper

Political Problems

By Neri Stein

F or two months, the.
cease-fire stood. For nine i
months, the scene in Israel i ',. Israel
was relatively calm. And ,i .
for nearly six-and-a-half
years, Israel's own resort ,,
town carried on without
much interruption. This\ M o
'tense silence was broken i
recently in an early morning .. Jordan
attack that has received '
wide coverage from Israel to.
Idaho. Egypt Eilt
On the morning of Jan.
29, a suicide bombing Gulf of Aqobo
marked Israel's first since
April 2006. It is the only suicide attack to ever take place in Israel's Red Sea hot spot; Eilat, and
greatly called into question the two-month-old cease-fire agreed to by Prime Minister Ehud Olmert
and Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas.
Four were killed in the attack, including the bomber, and two were wounded. It took place at
a small bakery in a poorer section of Eilat, far from the popular beachfront and hotel strip. The
situation could have been worse, had it not been for the IDF reserve officer who picked up the
hitchhiking bomber and gave him a ride into the city. The officer.became suspicious of the man's
bulging bag and nervous attitude so, rather than take him to the heart of Eilat as he wished, the
officer dropped him off on a small road, called the police, and tried to follow him.
Soon, the bomber took off in a run and shortly thereafter police arrived at the Lechamim Bakery
to the sight of shattered glass, small shops in complete disarray, and blood and body parts splattered
over freshly baked pastries.
Both Islamic Jihad and al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigades have taken credit for the attack. Most of the
recent attacks have taken place inside the Gaza Strip by rival Palestinian terrorist groups Fatah and
Hamas, and both Jihad and al-Aqsa claim this bombing was intended to encourage Palestinians to
cease attacking each other and ban together against Israel. However, Fatah condemned this attack
while Hamas praised the bomber's courageous act.

k 4:

->"' ~- Ml

In place of our cheesy, Jewish monologues delivered
on our high-pitched horses, we bring you ... nothing
different. Ha, we joke. In honor of our birthday, we
offer new writers, new perspectives, and new nonsense
with no consequence. Free of charge. If there is not an
article in this issue that does not simultaneously piss
you off, make you laugh and make you want to slap our
mothers upside their heads for creating such progeny,
then we never had the balls we bragged to bare. Go
ahead; get a healthy dose of these new nuggets. And if
their flavor doesn't catch your fancy, we'll sell them on
E-bay.

Sincerely,

Josh Kaller and Kim Gouz

Wearing our Hearts

on our Scarves

By Faryn Hart

It seems the fur coat has been temporarily replaced at the top of the
"most controversial fashion" list. The trendy American clothing store
Urban Outfitters, known for suckering emotional teens into buying thrift
store fashion at department store prices, may have pushed a few too
many PC buttons.
After including the Keffiyeh, a traditional Arab headdress, as part of
their Urban Outfitters' Spring Fashion Women's Accessories Collection,
the company received uproar from both Jewish and Muslim communities
and the item, being worn as a scarf, was pulled from the season's
catalog. Accompanying the discontinuance of the item, was an apology
from company CEO Dick Heyne saying: "We apologize if we offended
anyone; this was by no means our intention."
Online blogs had a riot over the introduction and consequent
disappearance of the patented "anti-war scarf' accusing the clothing
company of "specifically marketing] designs associated with the
Palestinian intifadas" and "selling the very symbol of genocidal
Palestinian terrorism."'
I am truly perplexed with all this mishigas. Why would UO shelve
the generic Peace or V signs and replace them with a distinct symbol
of Palestinian solidarity, coining it "anti-war"? Is this an attempt to
trivialize the garb or perhaps an ingenious effort to create an association
of the cloth with something other than combat?
The beauty of our freedom today is that we are able to express
ourselves, artistically and emotionally, through fashion conformably
or uncomfortably. We are no longer obligated to three-piece suits or
suffocation beneath corsets, and we generally relish at the introduction
of the eccentric: I mean, how else would you explain the infiltration of
plastic jelly sandals into the tween closets of the mid-90s?
Not many trendsetters today may have much of an opinion about
the social struggle in Cuba, but they will sport T-shirts emblazoning.
the famous photograph by Alberto Korda ofArgentine-bor Marxist
revolutionary Che Guevara. Ironically, free market societies worldwide
are benefiting from the face of a radical devoted to abolishing the very

(CONTINUED ON PAGE 3)

(CONTINUED ON PAGE 3)

5766 ,2 T17 5766 ,18 V1UD

Page 2 The Shpiel

The SHPiEL

The Only Student-Run Jewish Campus Newspaper
in the Country
Right Here at The University of Florida
Volume 3 Issue 3

T he Shins' newest album, 5zf y 3 i
"Wincing the Night Away," 'i *
is a powerful collection of poetic -1 '
masterpieces that prove the band has JI'43 K rA "
indeed earned its sea legs. #:4,
Like the two albums that came '
before, "Wincing," released Jan. 23, ." ',;
has a Beach Boys influence with
complicated harmonies.
In true Beach Boys fashion the
album is matured, more daring with
experimental sounds reminiscent of i
"Pet Sounds" or "Smile." But the "
album also has clear folk roots with r
country-esque guitar solos on songs P.
like "Phantom Limb," the album's
single. A funk bass line grooves
"Sealegs," a song that could have been Bowie's during his glam years.
Wiser lyrics communicate allusions to The Shins' singer/songwriter James Mercer's
battle with insomnia and tap into naked confessions of life lessons learned. The first track,
"Sleeping Lessons," is an attack on superficiality and greed, heeding the warning, "Go
without 'till the need seeps in, you low animal/Collect your novel petals for the stem."
"Australia," the second track, is pop-ready without being hokey. The words, "Been
alone since you were 21/you haven't laughed since January/You try to make like this is so
much fun/but we all know that to be quite contrary /Dare to be one of us girl," roll off the
tongue like a song even without music. And let's face it; any song that can tactfully use
the word "conundrum" deserves recognition.
Mercer is reminiscent of Sting during the Police years through "Split Needles," which
is as haunting and self-revealing as "Don't Stand So Close To Me."
With age, The Shins are more honest and address issues of aging ("Comet Appears"),
environmental backlash ("Red Rabbits"), and love on the demise ("Turn On Me").
But through all the painful revelations the album is not without inspiration. The
anthem of a head-strong lover who wants more out of life, "Girl Sailor" begs the heroine,
"you've got so much more to dream of/oh girl sail her don't sink her this time."
And sail The Shins will. As their last album on Sub Pop Records, it is possible, as the
track "Sleeping Lessons" suggests, that the label's "got nothing left on which [The Shins]
depend so [they] enlist every ounce" into a memorable kiss-off.
More weathered and contemplative, the band enters the next stage of its career with
promise. If they continue to produce such superior albums, there is no doubt that they
have no where to go but up.

S t h e s h p i e 1

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Page, 3 The-Shpiel-

Terror in Eilat (CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1)
This attack hurt Eilat, which had, until then, remained relatively untouched
by the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Host to more than two million visitors in
2006, Eilat is Israel's hottest tourist spot. Its economy was nevertheless badly

E M

damaged by the war between Israel and Hezbollah last summer.
This bombing also brought to light the extremely permeable Egyptian-
Israeli border, and some within the Israeli government admit it is surprising
tfis is the first attack to occur in Eilat. Egypt's and Israel's relationship has
been strained but peaceful ever since a treaty was signed in 1979. It is unclear
how this incident will affect the two countries' relationship.
The Israeli government has long complained the Egyptian-Israeli border
issue is in need of attention. But, because the area has not been the target
of many attacks, this concern has been pushed further and further down the
agenda. Israeli Defense Minister Amir Peretz stated the current cease-fire will
not prevent Israel from retaliating against the terrorist groups responsible for
the attack. Israel could react in a number of ways, including, a stricter border
patrol along its Egyptian border and a stronger IDF presence in Eilat. This
attack also overshadowed United States Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice's
proposed meeting with both Olmert and Abbas, which was to take place this
month.
Despite this attack being relatively smaller than many previous
ones, it has caused quite a stir and raised many questions about the future of
Israeli-Palestinian relations. For example, how will Israel retaliate against both
Islamic Jihad and al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigades, and how will it plug up its porous
Egyptian border? What's more, will this attack, as was its intention, influence
Hamas and Fatah to act against Israel and not each other?
The relatively long silence between the two most recent suicide attacks-may
have spurred false hope within Israel. The nation's future, whether it will return
to the quiet or whether this attack was just the beginning, rests, at least in part,
on Israel's fateful next move.

Urban Chick

(CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1)

capitalism for which they stand. But Guevara has become a symbol for
romantic rebellion and his status as guerilla insurgent has been replaced by
iconic hero.
In reaction to the fashion catalog, protesters staidly typed blogs of
disgust, amusement or support, however, we have yet to witness the
placard-holding strikes of the 60s Guevara supporters. I therefore feel that it
is relatively harmless that a label like Urban Outfitters decides to-place one-
size-fits all and (as probably intended) one-world-for all tags on its "anti-
war scarves." But for kicks, let's add 'radical chic' to the ever increasing list
of fashion styles.
It's interesting how many unfamiliar with the teachings of Rabbi Yisroel
Ber Odesser still wear the white knitted Breslover's yarmulke baring the
mantra Na Nach Nachma. The Turkish Kaftan has found its way to New
York City store windows. American Indian beads adorn European runways.
And designers continue to beg, borrow and steal to enhance their innovative
fashion breakthroughs. But Palestinian-Israeli wounds are still raw and Urban
Outfitters whether intentionally or not poured a very stinging vinegar
upon those wounds. Appropriate action was undertaken though, so now we
can now return to protecting ourselves from those with more dangerous
weapons than patterned cloth.

OIINS Wher Jimmy Carter

Went Wrong '

By David Drescher

"It is imperative that the general
Arab community and all significant
Palestinian groups make it clear that they
will end the suicide bombings and other acts
of terrorism when international laws and the
ultimate goals of the Roadmapfor Peace are
accepted by Israel. "
The above quote is one of several
found in former President Jimmy Carter's
newest book "Palestine: Peace Not
Apartheid," which has drawn criticism from P EA C E N O T
many, including 14 members of the Carter
Center for Middle East policy, all of whom
resigned in protest of the book's publication. numerous E I D
This quote, which seems to condone, if not
advocate, Palestinian acts of terror be waged i l.
against Israel, is the only Carter has publicly
apologized for. The book as a whole has
prompted accusations that Carter places too much blame on Israel for setbacks in resolving
the conflict and criticism for his accusing Israel of carrying out institutional racism against the
Palestinians worse than South Africa's treatment, of blacks under the apartheid. When asked about
the provocative title, Carter responded, "I can see it would precipitate some harsh feelings. I
chose that title knowing that it would be provocative."
Later has defended his book numerous times and has stated that the title was chosen
and the book was written in order to spread knowledge about the conflict and stimulate debate
about the issue. Yet just last week, Carter refused to debate Harvard law professor Alan
Dershowitz, author of three books on the politics, peace process, and history of the Middle
East and a man who has visited Israel and the disputed territories numerous times. Despite
Dershowitz's credentials, Carter replied, "There is no need to for me to debate somebody who, in
my opinion, knows nothing about the situation in Palestine."
What is even more disturbing than Carter's refusal to debate his book is the reaction
he has given in response to criticism he has received for its inaccuracies. Carter's book has
been deemed "anti-historical" by the Washington Post and criticized by Dennis Ross, the chief
negotiator of the Israeli/Palestinian conflict under George H.W. Bush and Bill Clinton, as being a
redaction of history. In response to the immense criticism being received, Carter defends his book
in a way that has become all too familiar to the world, most notably the Jewish world. According
to Carter, it would be "political suicide" for any politician in D.C. to present a "balanced
position" on the issue. The former President was also caught on Al-Jazeera television saying that
"most of the condemnations of my book came from Jewish-American organizations."
It's not as though this sort of rhetoric is new. After all, isn't it common knowledge
that Washington is-run by Jews, and that the secret "ZOG machine," the Zionist Occupying
Government, controls all decisions made by the U.S..government? Moreover, such references to a
secret Jewish world control plot have surfaced time and time again in history and most recently in
the anti-Semitic and unfortunately still highly circulated book, the "Protocols of the Elders of Zion."
While highlighting the suffering of the Palestinian people, Carter makes very little
mention of the terror inflicted upon Israel by Palestinian terrorists, nor does he take into
account certain crucial data, for example that since construction on Israel's security barrier
began, suicide-bomber-related deaths have decreased by 90 percent. Carter also fails to
highlight the rhetoric and ideology behind the-ruling Palestinian political party Hamas. It
would be pertinent to mention that the political party and terrorist organization openly calls
for the.complete destruction of Israel and its charter contains passages such as, "Our struggle
against the Jews is very great and very serious. It needs all sincere efforts. It is a step that
inevitably should be followed by other steps."
Finally, Carter makes no mention of the greatest threat to Middle East security, peace,
and stability: Iran. The President of Iran has openly called for the destruction of the state of Israel
on numerous occasions, is actively pursuing a nuclear weapons program, and has been financing
and providing shelter to some of the world's most vicious terrorist groups and their leaders
for years. Iran's proxy militia, Hezbollah, was responsible for this past summer's war after the
murder and abduction of Israeli soldiers, and there is evidence the group may be actively aiding
and abetting Hamas, as the exiled Hamas leader sits safely in Syria, Iran's number one ally.
Thus, while it is admirable that the former President is moving for a solution to the conflict, it is
unfortunate that he's moving in the wrong direction.

S t h e s h p i e I

0 r 9

W W W

Page 4 The Shpiel
.-QOao. .. .. --':" ...

Uaa

7 f', N

Ee'111uring.

Dr. Da% id Cook
rof ss~ionial AthieLic Mloikai\ 3ornal
Co.1c ii

Joe Torre
Manager of the New York Yankees

Phil Jackson
Head Coach of the LA Lakers

I- /

For more information on our Organization and details
about the speakers, check us out on-line at:

nationalspeakersxchange.com

Or contact us at:
443.904.6025

Fax 410.358.9579

3307 Taney Road, Baltimore, Maryland 21215

info@nationalspeakersxchange.com

Fiihrer of the German Reich, the Janjaweed Reich still rape, pillage and murder
without rational thought or cause. They don't need Aryan blood to adhere to the
brutal precepts and practices begun during the reign of their ideological ancestor. The
Sudanese government's henchmen, day and night, bur villages and rape women. In
the sandstone hills of this desert wasteland, hunger spreads like a disease. Diseases
inflame like the plague. And the Janjaweed bum homes and take away lives. Like
a virus, the government latches on to the native African tribes and their land. Like
the virus's host, the indigenous people are defenseless against the soulless militias.
Whether 1,500 or 100 people die each day is inconsequential to them. With each
new day, the world is closer to seeing a people and a nation vanish. Once again,
meaningless and horrific numbers are adding up. Once again, people are being
senselessly murdered in their homes. And, once again, the world is doing nothing.
"We learned our lesson last time," they say. "This situation is different." But
it's not. Darfur is Poland. The Janjaweed militias are the SS. We are the Allied forces.
Our grandparents are tired, our parents apathetic, and Africa seems worlds away. But
it is our responsibility to make "genocide" an archaic word; "holocaust" a word only
used in myths and legends. We must do this now. The genocide in Darfur is the most
important issue of our time because the world simply cannot afford another "Final
Solution." Whether Hitler is born again tomorrow or another great society is on the
verge of collapse, we have the tools to change it. Using these tools, we must educate
others. Our.intellect and the lessons we've learned from the past can revolutionize our
world into that tired cliche: a better place. Through education, we may actually reach
that goal. Through education will come enlightenment and through enlightenment,
action.
Our leaders have failed the Darfurians, as their words do not spur action. Our
prayers and pleas have not helped them, as prayer too is not action. Despite this, innate
human spirit thrives. It is calling on us, screaming at us to do something. It's our
turn to educate, our time for enlightenment, and our task to act. It is our obligation to
change the world. Why? Because if we don't, who will?

t h e s h p i e 1

Eyes t3E News

* A victim of Monday's suicide bombing in Eilat will be flown to Florida for burial.
Israel Zamalloa, 26, a former Miami resident, was born in Peru and immigrated to
Israel in 2001. The other two victims of Monday's attack, Michael Ben-Sa'adon, 27,
and Emil Almaliakh, 32, owned the bakery where the explosion occurred.

* Israel is considering building a fence along the Egyptian border following last
week's suicide bombing in Eilat. Israeli officials said Wednesday that long-shelved
plans to build a fence along the 100-mile desert frontier were being re-examined.

* Mahmoud Abbas condemned the Palestinian suicide bombing in Eilat. "My position
regarding this operation is that I do not accept it, and I reject and condemn it," the
Palestinian Authority president said Tuesday.

* An Israeli comedian is planning to sue "Borat" creator Sascha Baron Cohen. The
Associated Press reported that Dovale Glickman plans to sue Cohen for using the
exclamation "Wa wa wee wa" -- a phrase Glickman said he invented 16 years ago for
an Israeli comedy show.

* Factional clashes resumed in the Gaza Strip. At least six Palestinians were killed and
50 wounded Thursday in several street battles between gunmen from the governing .
Hamas movement and Palestinian Authority policemen loyal to the rival Fatah faction.

* Iran is at least two years from developing nuclear weapons, a think tank said. The
International Institute for Strategic Studies said in a report issued this week that Iran's
nuclear program was unlikely to be capable of producing bombs before 2009.

* Israel is developing a system to shoot down short-range rockets used by Hezbollah
and Palestinian terrorists. The Defense Ministry announced Thursday that it had com-
missioned a new anti-rocket system from the Israeli arms firm Rafael.

1'1

Hey America: Do Something!

A Commentary on the Situation in Darfur

By Josh Fleet

The remnants of a once great society stood drearily, wishing they had not been
spared. The world had survived, though no longer called "civilized." The final
cover of innocence had been ripped from the crazed body of humanity. Innocence.
What did it mean? When it was applicable to real life, did people draw strength or
courage from it? As the liberating armies of the allied forces entered the death camps,
was innocence, strength or courage on their side? When the simultaneously horrific and
meaningless numbers of bodies and accounts of mounds of ash came back, how did the
world feel? Could it feel?
The world cried "Never again!" Was it sincere? Since the end of World War
II, a war in which 12 million people were brutally slaughtered in villages and camps
and millions more died in battle, they the Jews, Catholics, Muslims, Europeans,
Americans, Israelis have all screamed "Never again!" These are just words: A
meaningless combination of letters that sounds unimposing when spoken.
In western Sudan, in Darfur, the Nazis are at it again. Lacking the charismatic

-'- .. .

PW 71a

0 r 9

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Page 5 The Shpiel
- t- -, -, -. ,-. .... -- -,-- _- ,_ --D..

Get High With A

Little Help

By Leo Stein

Plenty of marijuana comes from the Bedouins. At times, in Tel-Aviv, it can
even be bought off homegrown suppliers. When the Arabs sell it-- the
most accessible dealers-- they will give a customer a plastic bag filled with the
branches, roots and soil that came with the plant.
Israel has a much different drug culture than the United States.
Drugs are not as prevalent in Israel as they are in the U.S. For one, we've
got much stricter neighbors than the states when it comes to smuggling.
As Arab states with Muslim ideologies, drugs and alcohol are absolutely
forbidden. The word on the street is that most hash comes from Afghanistan
(I haven't figured out how...sea merchants?). When it comes to the harder
stuff, it's common knowledge that the Russian mafia in Israel bears much of
the blame. These are the same groups who have supplied most of the Ecstasy
in America. They beat out almost anyone else in the market because of their
money and competitiveness. Imagine Tony Soprano wearing an ushanka
(Russian fur hat).
Israeli law also scares the bejesus out of drug users. The citizens know
enough horror stories about Israeli interrogation and imprisonment to keep
their drug use on the down low. According to the U.S. State Department,
penalties for drug possession in Israel are much heavier than in the states. And
by the way, they don't have the fourth amendment.
A few months ago, the Washington Post said that because of the war with
Lebanon, as well as tighter security control in Sinai, cannabis became a scarce
commodity. Smuggling from south Lebanon was so frequent the cost of
cannabis grew eight-fold after the war. Still, Bedouins and many others manage
to smuggle plenty of drugs, and even prostitutes, from the Egypt-Israeli border.
This is because Egypt's war on drugs is concentrated in the cities, and very
little security is used across the Sinai coast where the Bedouins live.
Last November, the Israeli police cracked down heavily to exterminate what
is known as "hydro," or hydroponics, a method of growing the plant with more
nutrients to give it more potency. They call hydro the "death grass," but it's
actually green, fresh marijuana-- something almost unheard of in this land.
Word spread that this is the latest and grandest way to get high, so naturally,
hydro became long sought after and extremely expensive. Whereas a kilo (check
your metric system, because that's enormous) of normal Israeli marijuana will go fc
$130, bu\ ing only 10 grams, 100 times less, of hydro will costyou $110. The senio
police official taking care of the hydro boom is spreading the word that smoking hy
can lead to impotency. Which to be fair is.a pretty clever way to stop you from doin
anything.
Strangely enough, Israel gives a THC compound-- the chemical in weed that cat
one to get high-- to their soldiers who suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder. Af
experimentation, Israeli scientists concluded that THC would help soldiers who wei
active in Gaza and the West Bank that returned distraught. The waiting list for soldi
is pretty high, as wellas for the small number of cancer patients who receive the dr
medication.
The ideologies of Israel as the Holy Land play an interesting role in drug culture
Among the college students I know who use drugs in Israel, there's a common
understanding of what's kosher and what's not. Cocaine, for example, is processed
unnatural, and does not come from Israel, so many have a prejudicial distaste for it.

Fair Highlights Many Aspects of

Muslim Community

By Josh Fleet

Passers-by in the Plaza of the Americas on Thursday were privy to an especially,
eclectic vibe (even for the Plaza). Sure, the usual hippies and Hare Krishnas were
out and about. The slack-liners and scene kids too could be spotted just beyond the
Writing on the Wall Project. What was different, though, was a colorful and busy fair
with free pita and hummus, henna, hookah, music, political activism and religious
affirmation. As familiar as this may sound to readers who frequent Jewish-Student-

t--ls^i^; --'q '"F

For more information and to REGISTER visit s ':." JNF, for
www.jnf.org/springbreak ISRAEL
or contact us at asb@jnf.org or ISRAEL
NATIONAL forever.
212-879-9305 x245 ,- ^^ forever.
C=m www.jnf.org
FORESTRY WATER COMMUNITY DEVELOPMENT SECURITY
EDUCATION RESEARCH TOURISM & RECREATION ECOLOGY

r But it is interesting to hear from a secular friend that, "when it comes to weed, it's
r kosher and we're just enjoying the earth like God wanted us to." Even many religious
dro Jews in Israel are known to smoke marijuana because they see nothing conflicting
g with Jewish Law on the matter. That makes sense-- especially when I think of those
Orthodox Jews who dance around in the street blocking traffic and telling everyone to
ises feel groovy. Most local potheads smoke hash mixed with tobacco that is rolled up in
ter paper. There is very little bong use.
re It's strange, but almost every deep Israeli problem has a connection with drugs.
ers We know how wars with Arab states affect drug-use, how life in the mandatory army
ug as has called for drugs, and that religion plays a part in it as well.
When looking at some of the people walking around the streets in Tel-Aviv, it's
. natural to think they should stop whatever nonsense their using. On the other hand,
when you see all the aggression and paranoia on their faces, it's not uncommon to think
and they should start using something to release their tension.
Anyone up for some Israeli folk dancing?

Union-sponsored events, this fair was in fact sponsored by Islam on Campus.
Khader Abuallhayjaa, public relations officer for IOC and resident calligraphy
artist, said the fair aimed to "mark the beginning of Islam Awareness Month." Groups
including Students Taking Action Against Racism, Nakba '48, IOC's community service
arm, and the Pakistani Students Association, tabled at the fair to provide University
of Florida students with a "balanced perspective" of Islamic culture and society,
Abuallhayjaa said. There was plenty of free information to ground as well. One could
pick up a complimentary copy of the Quran in English, or even obtain the very first
issue of IOC's newspaper, "IOC Chronicles."
All of this amounted to the display of an undeniably vibrant Islamic
community on campus. And, despite a decidedly negative view of Israel, the fair seemed
a lot like many of the events put on by groups and members of the Jewish community
here at UF.

Ramblings from a Reader
By Vincent Massaro
Gentile Correspondent
B others and sisters: if you are looking for sharp commentary
on the current geopolitical and moral issues at the forefront of
Je \isl culture: if \ou ure looking for the inspiration of alnighth God
that can on1i be cnon\eed through the most solemn devotion, prayer
and ritual then \ ou'\ e come to the v. tong place.
However. if \ oi are looking for nothing in particular, and \ on are
not a picky eater. and ou don't shop at department stores an\ more
because those foreign ladies don'tt leI:\ e o alone, then my stories
H i delinitel,. be ond a doubt, may or may not be f oroti' \Welcome!
Let me tell \ou a little about m\ sell.
I ha\ e virtually, no knowledge of your culture. MX faill, is
Roiian Catholic. not Jew\ ish. except for m\ I ncle Paul-but he
married in \%hen God wasn'tt looking neitheri of our Gods).
Historical note: 1 found out about inm uncle's faith lihen I % as \ er\ > :oung. and it '\as a traumatic
experience. I xwas hospitalized for a \eek. I'd ne\er seen an ultie bell. button betore. I The editors
ha\e informed me that "outies" are in no \%a> affiliated %\ ith Judaism: ho\ et er. this \\as m\
understanding as a young child .and until a fe\ da\ s aLo NI\ apologies
\jAny.wa. I was discharged fiom the hospital. ha \e since reco\ eied. and noI t I find nmi'. self ien
interested in .our faith. You see. I'\e been inspired b\ othei religions before. You could e% en
sa, I '\as touched \ern stronalk as a Catholic. INot b\ a priest shame oni 'ou!.H e said he \%as a
seminarian.) But there's something about Judaism that makes more sense to me.
I also seem to embody a lot of Je%\ ish stereotypes- self-loathing insecui ities. paranoia. lack of
foreskin. atheism. Much to m\ chagrin. ho%\e\er. I don't ha\e a lot of bod\ hair
I have rele\ ant e\pei ience in the follo.k ing areas: ridiculing Christians. ing to date Jew ish girls.
rushing AEPi. throwing darts at Mlel Gibson photos and counting money Funn.. though. I don't
\watch basketball all that much.
Also. I am interested in the entertainment industry and \Vood\ Allen Imutuall[ exclusi\ e terms
since 1993. though I still say ihe's a genius.
As you can see. I'm a Je\v trapped in the bod\ of a gentile. and m\ claustrophobia isn't helping.
I feel like I can bring something more than %vords to this publication. e\en more than sentences or
paragraphs. I hope to illuminate that which is in darkness, turn o er the unturned stone, so to speak.
and then pick up the stone and throw it through a car \ indoi.
In the process. I hope to learn more about the world around me. as well as the people \ho stand in
front of me in line and the ones \\ho bump into me "accidentallN on the side alk- ou could ha\e
at least said you -iere sorry, ma'am. instead of laughing when I fell dow n.
I hope that you will find my perspective... That's it, just find it. Their said it would d be on page 89.
In future editions. you can look forward to stories about wanting to change my name to sound more
Je\ ish and my quest to date a Je ish \woman before I die. Peace be i ith \ou and "Shalom." i right').

Who Are You

Watching Over?

A Note to UF Students
By Adrienne Browne

H e enjo\ s cross-countiy running and poker, and he dreams of one
day flying airplanes. He's an eas\ going. 19-year-old "A" student.
And he vanished .
This young man is Wade Steffe\. and he was last seen on campus
at Purdue Uni\ ersirn in West LafaN ette, lnd on the morning of Jan 13
after lea\ in a parrm alone. I last sa\% him this summer at mi house.
laughing and joking w ith mi sister and her friends.
A local mother in Indian: used to. tell \ade to watch o er the
girls" i hen thex\ went out at night. And he ali\a\ s did W\ho w\as
,?atchine over \ade'
The recent rapes that ha\ e occurred near campus in Gaines\ ille
coupled '. ith \Vade', tragic store\ ha\ e lent me feeling a little helpless.
People go missing e\ern da3. but how\ does a sober man i ith a black
belt in karate disappear. lea\ ing no know. n clues behind? If he couldn't
pre\ ent tils from happening. w ho could.
I implore all students at UF to stop
belie\ ing theN are iinvcible when the'.
are out at night Crrin ing a cell phone
\ itlh \ou does not ensure \otu safety.
\ade had a cell phone vi ith him. too. It
ranog for days unans w ered some\ here
on the Purdue campus, and it still hasn't
been found.
After seeing his picture plastered on
Good MNorini. America and America's
Most \\anted. it's easy to feel powerless.
especially\ being so far aw\a\ from my
home state. The best anN one else or I
could do is to be x igilant about our ow n
safety.
Use the budd\ s\ stem. Trust \our
instincts Take a self-defense course. Remember Wade's stone
- oin the "Help Find Wade Steffe group on Facebook for more
information

Shpielers Lori
Finkel and Allison
Schiller got down
and dirty ith
Hillei on Sunday,
Febnrary 4th,
planting trees for
Tu B'Shvat, the
Jewish Ne\v Year
for the trees.

Photos courts) of
Stephanie Connell.

.t h e s h p i e

W W W

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Page 7 The Shpiel

CKosher Cookin

with Isaac Sapoznik

H lo'.'I.'. 1 huti dov. n the dark street. Each breath wia s oik.I I js
\' naueouts and \weak The stars wete in full bloom and oppiessi\e. 1 ,sa.i
as\eaine and ha\ in a dificult tlme talking ".Are 1ou alrichit." she .asked .
"Did '.oL .he: that'-. I rlri-rded. hippng m heado' cn m shoulder as Fried
protective irstl,,,t Sh1-, % k and quietIl, concerned. she assured me it \ u.- t ia
car door shutlttin fau in the diari ce .fteir three or four uUtrIce. fn.l a-nempt_ Rice-tm
to begin thile serntence. I asked her if lh, \ould shnarr\ me. lnimediate j ttel i I Rlcl
heard the ,,ord.; lea, e rn motii, I felt Iike I o tb,-,ao t -11 i old -, prone to
giggling, wondrous and not clear of the consequences of what I just did. Seven years and three kids Ingredients: a
later, my wife Allison and I are celebrating our anniversary this week.
Provided it is the right one, everything you need for spiritual fulfillment can be found within 2 cups of rice (dr\
marriage. It is a force to be reckoned with. There are basically two Jewish models for "getting together" 4 tspns salt
long term. The first probably gave rise to the "hole in the sheet" reference (ask around if you don't 1 1 2 cups onion
know). We can call it the Isaac/Rebecca model. It says in the Torah (Genesis 24:67) that Isaac "married 1 4u cup celer
her [Rebecca], and he loved her..." Meaning to say they got married, and only afterwards did he come 1 -4 cup carrot
to love her. This approach is quite popular in certain streams of the "black hat" Jewish world, where if 3 tbsp garlic
a lifetime-partner-prospect demonstrates nice behavior, comes from an upstanding family, and there is 2 a cup scallions
a minimal degree of physical attraction... Mazel Tov! "What about love?" you may say. No worries. I2 es
That will come later. Now, I know of many very functional marriages that were born from this approach I cup so.\ sauce
and more power to them. At the same time, personally, I would rather experience a slow death than go 3 tlhsps butter
into a marriage on account of having been able to complete a checklist.
Thank God for Jacob and Rachel, who were really into each other well before they got married
(for 14 years, to be exact). I may be going out on a limb, but I believe this generation of Jews in .
Florida today, most likely, connects more to the Jacob/Rachel method of everlasting happiness. With Direct ons: 7
that said, people in healthy relationships will tell you that the love and connection they have with ,
their partners has only increased with time. That is nice and reassuring, but the question remains: Prepare the rice at
how do we get with the person we are supposed to be with, and how do we know when we've found least ix hoIurs and ip to 24 hours before N ou begin cooking.
"the one," so to speak? Chop the onion, celery. carrot. garlic and scallion
When two people come together with any hope of sustainability, they do not just melt into one
another. They do not become one undifferentiated entity: he is her and she is him. Rather, they come t the eeale and
together to share something. When two worlds converge, what prevents them from colliding is their Set the sto\ etop to high, and in a large pan add in 3
ability to learn how to exist within the same orbit. What allows them to build a future together is tablespoons of butter
their capacity to allow room for the uniqueness of the other. The sharing they may call "relationship" Mx in rice and add \ vegetables and soy sauce
is only possible when each individual is focused on giving the other what he or she needs, and not
on, "what can I get out of this?" Not to discredit the phenomenon, the highly acclaimed fantasy and Crack eggs into the rice
wildly publicized concept offalling in love, but honestly, it is quite rare and not the best fallback Stir for about 6-8 minutes until ready
plan when feeling romantically Eno,
compromised. Relationships
and e% en love, are a decision.
a p Judaism tells us we have many
potential soul mates, but choose

Q since this is our first date, I'm going to get
This out of the way to avoid making things
more awkward for me in the future--I'm a virgin.
"Wow, I never would have expected that
from you," every guy I've ever dated has said.
Honestly, I don't know how it happened
either.
I was an active child with an even more
active sex drive. In grade school when friends'
parefits avoided the subject of sex and then
tossed them an illustrated children's bible, I was
the girl who was willing to inform. When they
came over to play, we'd pull out my illustrated
sex-and-body book for children and I'd set the
--m record straight.
Photo b) Jennifer Harnish When I tell guys that I'm still pure as olive
oil, I get two common responses.
One is "Oh, that's cool, I wish I still was." Yeah right.
The other is when guys respond like I have an STD. "Oh, wow, really? Huh.
You...uh, you don't seem like it. Well, one day you'll find a really awesome guy."
That's how you can weed out the bad ones--they don't want to have the responsibility of
deflowering you.
The most common question I get is, "So have you ever done anything before?"

Yes. I've hit all the bases except for home. You see, there's no real reason why I am
still a virgin. It's not because I'm frigid, not because I'm gay (though sometimes guys
make me wish I was), not because I'm waiting until marriage or for any other religious
reason. It's not because I'm hideous-- plenty of people less attractive than myself have
had tons of sex-- and it's also not because I've never been asked or haven't wanted to. I
have and I do.
In fact, I've gotten close to losing my V-card several times.
Once in a park when I was 16, we planned it out. But it was too muggy and too
mary mosquitoes. "We can go do it in my car," he said. Once in a bed at 16, "We
could have sex right now and no one would know," he said. And once on the floor of
my ex-boyfriend's house at 19, "So do you want to?" I asked. "But... but that's your
virginity!" he said.
One former hookup, a frat guy, told me while we were lying in his bed, "I could
totally have sex with you right now, but I'm a nice guy so I won't." I'm pretty sure if I
didn't consent it would have been called rape, but it's great that he has such a healthy
level of self-confidence. Girls like that.
Then there are those guys obsessed with being "your first." On a tour with his band
last summer, one guy drove all the way from Iowa to see me. He took me to his van, we
made out, and then he took it out. Not sexy.
By society's standards, girls are supposed to lose their virginity to someone they're
in love with otherwise it's considered slutty, and by college it's assumed that most
people have already had sex.
I've loved people but have never been in love. Is that so wrong that I haven't thought
anyone was awesome enough?
Here's the thing, I'm not even waiting till I fall in love. I may never fall in love,
and I'm perfectly fine with that. I'm just not one of those people that will get into a
relationship just so I don't have to be alone.
I do plan on having sex sometime. I guess I'm just waiting till I find someone I think
is awesome enough to let steal my cherry hymen-tashin. I'll keep you posted.
And so that I don't have to continually explain this, I dedicate this column to all of
my future dates.

The Only Thing to Fear

is Fear Itself...and Maybe

These Two Guys

B\ Derek Bernstein

WX lhn y\ou look up the word fear in
the dictionary. don't be surprised
itf\ ot don't find a written definition. but
faces starinai back instead The' won't be
goblins. \ itches or nm: personal fa\ orite.
warlocks. but the mue shots of two men.
Men waho strike fear into their opponents'
souls \orse than my fear of Spanish
exam. These t-\o men ha\e single handed, taken their sports
b\ storm and e\ en meteoroloists don't see an end to the rain\
season. These txwo men are golf's Tiger \oods and tennis' o\\n
Roger Federer.
I know the lion is the kini of the jungle, but Tiger is the king
of the PGA -- or for that matter, any thing that can be hit \w ith
a golf club \\ith his come-from-behind \ victor\ at the Buick
In\ national last weekend, it seems he is picking up just %\here
he left off last ear. He opens up the golf season \with his 7"'
tour \\in in a ro\. \ which places him onil\ four \\ ins behind the
ridiculous 11 consecuti e \ ictories that B\ ron Nelson amassed
in 1945.
When people sa\ records are meant to be broken I tend to
agree. But \"hen I learned of Nelson. I couldn't help but think
that nobody\ would e\er come close to touching this one. No\\ I
know% that Tiger nma\ ha\e a \\a\ to go. but come on. nobody can
touch him.
\\e aren't talking about basketball or baseball, or for
argument's sake e\en badmitten. You can't just ha\e a good da\
and beat this gu\. It would take four da s of perfect ball to e\en
be \ within a few" shots of Tiger. ne\ er mind defeat him. The antics
of"Happy Gilmore" are the only thing I see slo \ing down this
golf monster, and e\ en if someone did tri to run Tiger o er with
a VW, Beetle he would probably get up, dust himself off, and

continue to pound the competition.
How good it nlust feel to be Tiger. show ing tip ftr A ork and
beinu the absolute best at what he does. It would be like me being
a baristi at Star'btcks and running the '.' hole sho', b, mi self
I'd be able to make 10 Frappuccino< at once. and I'd e\en ha \e
time to nmop the floors. \\hen El 1 ire laces up his golf cleats and
steps out tfior the opening shot of n e\ ent, the onl. thing he must
be thinking is. \lan, I need to stop b) Home Depot on the \%3a
home and buy another troph' case."
Sonim s.a, TItger i, the best .olfer e\er. better than the Golden
Bear and Nicklous. But is he actually, the most feared man in
spoirs'? I s:.\ no. and the reason is simple Roger Federicr
Back in the da\ \hen I thou ab thohtbi the S\ iss. onh blonde
girls na.ted Inga. clogs and arni\ kni\ es came to mind. I neter
thought 1 would asso:iciatc tlheni \ ith the most feared name in sports.
Sw itzerland's o\\n Roger Federer. at the ripe old age of 25.
has captured lu grand slain titles The latest came last weekend
at the .ustralian open making three of those titles consecutive.
Forehands. backhands. \ erhands-- there is no .a\ to pult ai
dent in this man el w\ho seems to do g.eometr> better than an\
mathematician at liF. II ni m lifetime I ha% e ne\ er seen a man
able to cut angles on a tennis court quite like him J.ust when ou
think \ou'\e got him he shoots a laser right back at \ou And the
onl lo\ e ou get in return is li hen \ou look at \our score cards.
Being the stars-and-stripe American I am. I ha\e ali a. s
lo\ ed Pete Sampras and of course. the once-long-haired no\\ no-
haired. Andre A.\,assi. But sortn gul s. ou are no match for this
Sdoung man. Ne\\ York's own John MNcEnroe wouldn't e' en ha\e
anr, thing to N ell about \ hent plaN ing this gu\. Federer is 10I-1 in
Grand Slam events and his last \ in makes it 36 match \ins in a
ro\\ and counting. You w\ would think you \ would get sick of him.
but iou can't help liking this gu.. He is gracious of e\ er. cro wd
and last \ear h\ en he \ on \et another tournament. he still broke
do\ n in tears \\hen accepting his trophy,
When iill the streak end He\. I don't know. I'm still angry .
about Ken Jennines not being on jeopardy But I do kno\\ one
thing- As long as Mister Roger is still going strong. the rest
of the field w ill be pla. ing tennis in a Neighborhood of Make
Belie e it the\ think the\ hai e a shot at dethroning this prince of
the courts

C5azfy Statement

Satire Brought to You
by Michael Adler

A320 meter asteroid has been seen
. hurtlingg through space, and is ona. a
collision course with India. The asteridd, :
named Pegasus, is. scheduled to make
impact on Friday, April 13 2029, and,
will create:a blast roughly 1,000 times
the size of the Hiroshima bomb. Indian-
scientists are hard at work planning :
a way to deflect the asteroid into, ; .:
neighboring Palistan. Pakistani dictator
Perert Mushutup has vowvednot to 6
take the, threat- laying.down, thussetting:
the stage for deep space tu ofwar.
Analysts.are predicting that theibpttle',.
willend in a draw;wihh te asteroid '" :
hitting the disputed Kashmir. '
Kashmiri separatists havesuggested
that India and Pakistan join forces .
to deflect the asieoid to a country .y ,
that lacks the res urces to' fihtbaci.; .
perhaps lightlypopu Jated areasfthe
Tibetan Himal.yas.or Alt eia:san: Tat..,,
suggestion. Likely fallodafr

11 _T
It'; KOACH Field Dai\
on Flavrt Field from
1-4 p.m. Get ready
for football;,soccer,
frisbee & more!
Gainesville Ballet The-
ater presents "Tales
& Tutus Performance
Series" at 2 p.m. at the
Headquarters Branch
Library.
It's Lovers on the
Lawn for Valnetine's
Day. A romantic
movie will play on
Reitz North Lawn at 6
p.m. and flowers will
be given out.

m _____

12

13

Hillel will be
celebrating this
Valentine's Day will a
Valenstein's Day party!
There's an open bar,
a chocolate fountain,
games of singled out
and maybe your long
lost Jewish love?
*

Visit JSU at the table
in Turlington at 10
a.m. to find out about
the JAM packed
month of March!
Go to the Reitz Col-
onnade from 10 a.m.
to 2. p.m. to figure out
your living situation.
Our Men's Basketball
team plays UGA in
Athens at 7:30 p.m.
Martin Luther King,
III is coming
to the Phil-
lips Center
at 8 p.m.
Stp7
Tao of Judaism, 6 p.m.
Israeli Dance, 7 p.m.
Scrapbooking,
7:30 p.m.
Knitting Circle,
8:3 .m.

The Chem Society
is selling carnations
in flasks for $3-5 in
the Reitz Colonnade
starting at 9:30 a.m.
JSU is in Turlington
for another JAM
session at 10 a.m.
Our Men's Basketball
team plays Alabama
in the O'Dome
at 8 p.m.

90 minutes of Yoga
with Adam Vadama,
7 p.m.

Elliot Ginsberg will
be discussing Kabbal-
ah and the Art of Mo-
torcycle Maintenance:
Modern spirituality
and ancient mysticism
tonight at Hillel.
It's the last day to
register for the 2nd
Annual Spring Break
volunteer trip to help
re-build New Orleans
after Katrina.

C ~ C~L I

Shabbat dinner and
services, 7:30 p.m.

Run for a good cause in
Turlington at 9 a.m. for
the Dance Marathon
5k. Register online at
www.floridadm.org for
$12 or that morning for
$15. You get a t-shirt,
water bottle, and more!
Toby Keith is
"Hookin' Up and
Hangin' Out" in the
O'Dome at 7:30 p.m.
Our Men's Basketball
team plays Kentucky
in Lexington at 9 p.m.

The deeply moving story of an old |
woman who has come home to family 1'
festivities to die; directed by Kevin The UF School of Theatre and Dance
AMack. Contact info@acrosstown.org. presents a show about the human cost of
Where: Acrosstown Repertory Theater | war with an intimate look at the search
When: February 8-24 for truth that drives one suffering family
Times: Thurs. through Sat. at 8 p.m., to the brink of disaster.
doors open at 7:30. Open Seating. |Where: Constans Theatre
Price: $9; $7 for students |When: Now through February 11
o Times: Tues.-Sat. at 8 p.m., Sun. at 2 p.m.
l V ]Jfo IPrice: $13; $9 for students

S t h e s h p i e

SA'D

S.. -M!.

W" W W

0 r 9

Page 12 The Shpiel
r000000000000000000UJL0)U0)00000000 U0UU0U

Kim is a 3rd political science and Jewish
studies major who is a compulsive
highlighter and e-mail checker. She loves
all varieties of tea, wine (she's classy
like that) and walking around town in
her pajamas. Kim will be in Israel next
semester. Do you want her job as the
Editor of The SHPiEL? Let her know.

THE SHPiEL

Anniversary Edition

As part of the festivities to commemorate this
joyous occasion, we have dedicated an entire
page to the people who made it happen:
ourselves.
(We're not conceded or anything, we promise.)

According to Rabbi Yonah, his kids
keep him honest, his wife keeps
him sane and this crazy world
keeps him Jewish. He is down with
The Shpiel, the Jewish people and
all things positive.

Lon is a tnira year journalism major anda tlselle s tne Arts ana entertainment Josh is a rapscallion of the highest order. Iracy is a lirst year journalism and
the Scene Editor of the SHPiEL.She trans- Editor as well asa music writer.When Lover of sesame bagels, cream cheese sociology major with a passion for
ferred from FSU and loves UF. You won't she isn't being clumsy, she likes horsin' connoisseur, and fan of uncooked, graphic design. One day, you'll catch
find any dead animals on her plate, this around with her guy roommates, conver- smoked fish, Josh is truly a man of her on the streets of New York City,
gal's a staunch vegetarian but will break stations about nothing and dancing like the highest sense of delicacy, taste, but for now she's among the few
for a good Reuben sandwich. She's likes no one's around. Her ideal date would be and justice.When he isn't cooking up non-Jewish students that frequent
nice Jewish boys, especially the nerdy- candlelit dinner under a full moon fol- philosophies, he can be found listening Hillel and its hoppin'sqcial scene.
but-athletic type. lowed by a long walk on the beach... to the sweet sounds of the universe. Oh, and she-has a thing for raspberries.

Carol was born and raised in Guatemala, Jenny is graduating from UF this spring Faryn is a second-year anthropology Josh is.a freshman journalism student
Central America. Her middle name is and she can't believe how fast it went. major who loves looking for life's"aha" who is generally ignorant to the vast
Maria (surprised?). Her native language Before coming to UF Jenny did things moments in her spare time. Born in Eng- world around him. He does not feel this
is Spanish but she teaches English. She like shave her head in California and land and having lived in Australia and is a hindrance to his aspirations in
was raised Catholic, but she writes Inter- eat Yak meat in the Himalayas. Jenny's South Africa, Faryn is a wandering Jew journalism, rather views it as an
national Blurbs for The.SHPiEL. She enjoy future is uncertain, but she knows that who loves to explore. She looks forward enhancement. By his reckoning,the
puns, playing bingo with senior citizens taking pictures for The SHPiEL was one of to sharing more of her thoughts with imagined world is closer to the truth of
and watching Flava Flay reruns. the coolest things she did in Gainesville. those eager to listen. things. Also, he really digs sunshine, man.

Leo, a junior majoring in neorew, is Isaac is a management major in nis Jessica is a nrst-year journalism an uereK is ine nritLs sports writer. nes
studying abroad in Israel this year. Be- 'last semester at the University of English major from Boynton Beach, a no-nonsense kind of guy who hates
sides being a music snob, he also enjoys Florida. He is not very good at writing Florida. She enjoys sushi and reading band wagon fans and male cheerleaders.
songwriting and jazz guitar playing, short auto-biographies, as he finds and is into guys with a high earning He likes to write about what he's
Currently, Leo is wandering the Israeli himself "very uncreative with this potential. passionate about and has a twisted
desert pretending to be a dervish, kind of stuff." sense of humor that he hopes comes
out in his writing.
The SHPiEL se s a 4edall thari to Allson Schiller, Michal Meyer, Brttney Davidso, David Drescher,Adel Amaro, Pdel Schmalbak and Rachel LeWinter.