Tuesday, July 21, 2009

What is it about blond bombshell celebrities that seems so… OLD? Do you know how old Jessica Simpson is? 29. Britney Spears? 27. Pamela Anderson? 42.

I would have guessed their median age to be about 105. And Brooke Hogan, Hulk Hogan’s daughter? 20 years old.

Is it the fact that these women are so overexposed, literally and figuratively, that makes me feel like they should be pushing 50 at least? When I was a young girl, fretting that I’d NEVER go through puberty, my mom told me not to rush it—that some women mature and then flame out early—maybe THIS is what she was talking about.

Their big chests, blond hair, tan skin and sheen of skankiness make these ladies appear older than they really are. And they are vaguely annoying, which perhaps solidifies the feeling that they’ve overstayed their welcome in some way.

On the flip side: Sally Field? 62. Nanci Griffith? 56. Mary Tyler Moore? 72. Now those are some numbers I can get my head around, although poor MTM does look like she’s had a bit too much work done. For some reason, petite, brown-eyed celebrities have more staying power in my warped little brain.