thanks so much for exposing this topic. I get anxiety and thought that it was taboo, and should not be talked about, espcially since I'm at age where I'm looking for a shidduch. By asking your question, you made alot of other people feel ok about they are and that they are not alone!But in addition to anxiety, I get hurt by other and don't say a word, which ends up hurting me more. can you help with that? The result is often me ending breaking down

Welcome Jules.One thing that I have come to realize from this website is that there sure are a lot of us people "in the parsha" who are too scared to tell anybody about our problems or seek help because of what it would "do" to our reputation. Isn't that just horrible though? Since I'm already on the topic, I would really like to thank the people who started this website, because now at least I have one place to express myself where I can remain anynonmous and get help at the same time. Back to your problem... I don't know anything about anxiety, but I can give you an idea as to what you can do about your second problem. I used to get very offended when people insulted me and I would hold it in for a very long time. In ninth grade a girl in my class told our teacher that I hurt her feelings and I got sent to the principal. I did not forgive the girl until the end of 12th grade! B"H, I have worked on this midda a lot, and I found that the best way for me to deal with it is too wait just one day to cool down, and then I email/text message/call the person who hurt me and inform them of such. I don't like to tell them right away when they've hurt me, as I am still too angry- but you must tell them or else they'll never even know that they offended you! Most of the time people simply do not mean to hurt you at all, and we just misinterpret their words! So as hard as it may be, do yourself (and them) a favor, and tell them that they have hurt you so that it doesn't end up hurting you forever. Also, if you ever get angry at someone when they hurt your feelings, try listening to Rabbi Frand's tape entitled, "What? Me Get Angry? Never!" It's amazing and I listen to it whenever I feel the need. B"H it has helped me tremedously and I recommend as a staple in every household!

I want to second what you said. Whoever made this website really did us a service. I assume its the moderator though I don't know who he is either. I go to about.com's bipolar website (I used to be diagnosed as bipolar, now its revised to plain depression) and they are nice there but being that they are not frum they don't get it. Like the whole shiduchim thing with meds. I always "knew" that tons of frum people have mental health issues (sounds better than illness) but seeing all of us on this board is great.Regarding telling people they've hurt your feelings I think it depends. If it is rational for you to be upset then it makes sence to be open about it. If, however, one is being overly hypersensitive then I think therapy is a better place to deal with it. Unless the person is a trully good friend, you run the risk of driving people away if you tell them they insulted you if you are not being rational. I've told true friends, "I know this is crazy but you insulted me, or, I worry if you are my friend..." and since they understood what I was going through they were understanding. But with people you are not so close you should only address an insult if it is trully an insult. Remember, depression can be a condition rooted in distorted thinking. I hope I am saying this right. What do you guys think.P.S. What do you guys think of a frumster type of dating site for people taking meds like us? It would have to be done in a way that guarantees our anonimity. Or how bout since we are all worried about shiduchim we try seeing if some of us are apropriate for eachother. I'm sick of getting dumped when I reveal I'm on meds. On the other hand, some people with, sat depression, don't want to marry a person with a simmilar diagnosis.

I am happy to hear that this site is doing what it was intended to do.

As for the last thing you mentioned:

QuoteOriginally posted by: motcha

P.S. What do you guys think of a frumster type of dating site for people taking meds like us? It would have to be done in a way that guarantees our anonimity. Or how bout since we are all worried about shiduchim we try seeing if some of us are apropriate for eachother. I'm sick of getting dumped when I reveal I'm on meds. On the other hand, some people with, sat depression, don't want to marry a person with a simmilar diagnosis.

It's funny that you mention it because this idea came up lately a couple of times at disscussions and meetings of "askanim". Such a site might be in the works soon (who knows maybe even as part of FrumSupport.com).

It is very important to help us get the word about this site out there. The more people that know about it the more chance of finding someone in a similar situation. So, please try to do what you can to spread the word.

I told 2 people about this website b/c they have children with "issues", and I was soooo excited to see them posting! Both of them live in small, frum communites and have nobody to talk to about their kids... but now they have a whole sea of people to commiserate with!

>It's funny that you mention it because this idea came up lately a couple of times at disscussions and >meetings of "askanim". Send regards to the askanim and a big thanks. :-). What happened? All of a sudden people are doing something about this?! Sounds to good to be true. You can't imagine the heartbreak I've gone through in shiduchim. One girl didn't beleive me when I told her I take meds. She said I look to normal. I guess thats a compliment. A certain major frum convention had a discussion group on shiduchim this past year and someone who was there told me not a single person discussed the problems people like us have. Sorry if I sound like a complainer. On the other hand, my friends have been very understanding and some shadchanim have really tried to help. So there is alot of good people ouyt there too. When I get married I want to make shiduchim for people on meds bli neder .I found out about this site by seeing a ad in Yated. Thought you should know that.

I was so happy to find a support group that is frum. My family is not very supportive,but at least they try not to get me upset.(although between them I'm considered a mental case.) B"H therapy has helped me cope with it . My heart goes out to all of youwho are going through this.It aint easy.

Does anyone have a combination of panic, depression? or does one follow the other? I used to have panic attacks(pretty bad) But with meds and therapy I B"H bacame much better. I even went off the meds for two years. I am back on meds now but only for deppression.

From my experiences, depression and anxiety often go hand in hand. It is "normal" to get depressed when you feel that you, or things are out of control. It is also hard to feel many different strong emotions at the same time, so they can replace one another. I know that for me, if I'm feeling anxious and then I am angry about something, the anger generally replaces my anxious mood, or that the anxiety can spiral into depression because I feel so helpless, or that I'm anxious about being depressed. It is definetly a circle that feeds on itself.

Yes. One of the most important parts of handling your moods are recogising what "trigers" your depression. Strees is often a trigger. Thus if you are experiencing stress you can be on the lookout for depressive symptoms and deal with it through medicine adjustments by your pdoc, therapy, and other apropriate measures. I have managed to get through college by recognising that I can only handle 3 courses at a time. It may take alittle more time but it is the only way I can do it.

While we encourage discussion we would really appreciate that detail medication treatments should not be discussed and medications should only be taken as prescribed by YOUR physician.

Not every medication or dose works the same for every person therefore what works for one does not necessarily work for others. Secondly not every diagnoses is the same you may have similar or even the same symptoms but end up with different diagnoses which in result require different treatment.

Therefore if you think that you have a mental health issue don't be your own doctor and don't delay getting the proper help talk to your doctor seek professional help with a therapist and if your are told that you need to see a physiatrist and take medication DO SO think of it as if you would of had stomach pain and your doctor told you to take a medicine you would not hesitate to take it, why not do the same in these situations

Obviously, medication should only be taken as prescribed by your physician. It is illegal to take prescription medication any other way. It is also almost impossible. I don't have access to illegal meds. You'd have to be crazy to do that. And that should be stressed on this site.

Yet, it is still important that we be able to discuss our medication. One reason is that this way, if someone has a side affect they can ask others if they have had similar experiences.

A psychiatrist told me that he believes an educated consumer is the best customer. Our discussion of medication is part of that process.

Also, it is not enough for pdocs to dole out meds to us as unquestioning patients. The days of the obedient patient are over in America. We need to have a voice as the community of mental health patients too. Right now, frum therapists have a voice. They have, for example, organizations like Nefesh. But because we are stigmatized and ashamed of whom we are, we the sufferers have no voice. Discussing our meds and treatments is part of our voice.

of course it goes without saying that the psychiatrist has the final say. I have such hopes for this discussion group. I hope we aren't censored (except halachikly, of course.)The non Jewish discussion groups, such as the bipolar group at about.com is full of discussions regarding meds. If chas vachalila a person had cancer, wouldn't he want to speak to other people who had undergone cancer treatment so that he could learn about his options? Isn't mental health the same thing?Helping hand, you speak in terms of "we," saying, "While we encourage discussion we would really appreciate..." Are you the moderator?

My dr. is always open to my suggestions of which medsto try. I have researched many of them and have heard from people about somemeds,and My dr. always takes these things into consideration.Every person has to have an active role in their healing. research,ask around, THEN discuss it with your dr. every persons body reacts diff. to diff. meds. What works for one ,doesn't always work for others.Be an educated patient. Most good dr.s will appreciate it.

i have been taking wellbutrin for the past four years for major depression. It worked Boruch Hashem very well, of course, along with talk therapy! I tried stopping ithe wellbutrin twice. THe first time, I landed up extremely depressed after around 3 months off the medication. This time I had a full blown panic attack and ended up in the emergency room. I have not experienced uncontrolled anxiety for the entire time that I was on the wellbutrin. Now, I am four months pregnant and i've been suffering from up and down anxiety -some days being better than others. My Dr. now prescribed me xanax. I'm afraid to keep taking it because i've heard that it's addictive. I also don't understand why suddenly after four years of doing well on medication I'm having this problem. In addition, i feel mild depression as well. Maybe this is because i'm pregnant. I don't know! I'm so dissapointed, i thought that my depression was under control. Does xanax really help for anxiety? Anyone has been helped long term on xanax?

i just want to give the people in shiduchim some chizuk. I'm 22, and got married six months ago. I've been on medication for four years - and experienced all that you people write about regarding Shiduchim. When I told my husband on our fourth date, he was so cool about it, i was shocked. I was so nervous before telling him, i had already been dropped once before because of the meds. Anyway, there really is a HAshem up there and he's watching over all of us. I do not k now why we have to suffer this way.....and i know it's hard to remember that HAshem loves us so much - especially in these helpless trying times. I happen to have had a setback two months ago, which i haven't had for three years. It has been very stressfull on our marriage. However, my husband loves me, and he has married me for everything I am. Believe me, all you out there, although meds seem to take up your whole personality and existence, there is so much more in you. I like to refer to my medication as "Bechira Pills" - meaning, they give me the capability to live in this world with the same bechira that everyone else deals with. YEs, without medication, when there's a chemical imbalance, sometimes we are unable to make choices; we feel controlled by our thoughts, fears, emotions, anxieties. Medication is a gift from Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Embrace the gift - pray to Hashem and I PROMISE you that if you believe there is more to you than mental illness, you will meet a person one day who feels the same! I am going to have a baby in a few months and i'm suffering now from depression and anxiety again - so if i'm giving you CHizuk, i'm giving it to me too. HASHEM LI LO IRA! HASHEM loves us. HAshem loves us. Hashem loves us. Hashem loves us. Just keep reminding yourself. Hashem loves us...

I am not a doctor, but I think pregnancy can cause mood swings because of hormonal stuff. In fact, someone here posted about their post partum (after giving birth) depression. As the admin. says, listen to your doctor. If you are concerned about adiction then ask him. Good luck. And don't feel bad about your moods. Its natural. Youve done nothing wrong.

Thanks for the chizuk. And I wish you well in what your going through. Mazal Tov on the pregnancy knaina hara.Remember, like always, your moods will pass. Also, you said you had a setback recently? Were you pregnant then? That might have been the cause.

The problems with panic attacks is that if you really do have a chemical imbalance, they don't really go away, it's a matter of controlling it. Hopefully you get to the point of controlling it (through medication or behavior modification) where you don't really even have to deal with it day to day. It sounds like you were in that place. My therapist told me that for many people this is a lifetime issue similar to a physical disease (like diabetes etc.) I myself have been married for 2 years and want to have a baby and even though I have been doing well I am terrified. I'm curious to know if your anxiety has aything to do with the pregnancy.

Wow Gamzeyaavor, thank you for sharing your story. It is true that Hashem is the one in charge, especially when it comes to shidduchim, but sometimes it is hard to see it clearly. I have not yet gone out with with anyone, becuase I think I would like to wait until I have my depression under control (I have yet do go to the dr...). As for your re-occurance of depression and anxiety, it is most probably (take it from a pre-med student) being caused by the chemical imbalances that come along with a pregnancy. The good news is, it IY"H won't last too long after you have the baby. The bad news is you still got a coupla months to go. So if the doctor recommened something, I guess it can't hurt to try it, rite?

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