This is the spiritual journey of me, Eccles, my big brother Bosco, and my Grate-Anti Moly. Eccles is saved, not sure about Bosco, and we've got real problems with Anti.

This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles

Wednesday, 24 August 2016

Banning the burkini

Over now to France, where Nice, Cannes and other resorts have struck a blow for secularism by
banning the burkini. As Inspecteur Clouseau of the elite Corps de Plage squad explained;
"We totally reject ze Islamic idea zat a woman should be told precisely what to wear, so we are making sure zat
women in France are told precisely what to wear. Aaaggh, Cato, get off, you imbecile!"

Ooh, Laa Laa! Four dangerous criminals defy the ban.

In fact, it is common on the French Riviera for women to sunbathe topless, although this is not yet compulsory. We should recall that
the ideals of the revolution on which the secular state of France is founded were Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité, and Nudité:
the whole point of taking a guillotine and chopping off people's heads was to encourage the last of these.

Sorry: Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité, Nudité, and Obésité.

Said another member of the Corps de Plage, Commissaire Jules Maigret, as he puffed contentedly on his pipe. "Make no mistake, we'll be coming for
other people who shamelessly wear head-dress on the beach. This is far easier than trying to stop terrorists killing people. Now excuse me,
I haven't been to the bar for over 20 minutes."

Two religious fanatics who will be arrested if they set foot on dry land.

President François Hollande has promised to recall the French Foreign Legion to the shores of the Mediterranean if the
problem of overdressed swimmers is not quickly resolved. The transition from the trackless sands of the desert to the rather crowded sands of Nice should
pose no problems for Beau Pipe and his elite squad.

9 comments:

De Inspectator (or po-po) iz only jellous becuase, if he must shew his « corpse de plage », evreyon must. Yuo knew, socitey's strandads. (Whitch iz also why I guest Beau Pipe iz a "his" and sheeps is gatehred in a "sqaud".) And whit all de teroristme out tehre, indeed, one must taek a « beau » peep at thier surruondings. Leik me, but I promies nut to stear at anoyne's tinky-winky wehn I am dipsy.

Lieutenant Beau Pipe has lost his jeepSo now he rides a bike.He’s back in France where they look askanceAt clothing they don’t like. He spends all day in Saint TropezCycling along the roadWhile scanning the sand for anything bannedUnder the beachwear code.

France is strict when it comes to swimwear for both sexes. Men are not allowed to wear those English knitted * (by their Aunties)belted loose trunks or boxer shorts when swimming. They must wear speedos (budgie smugglers). It is for health and safety reasons(French Ones)

List of awards this blog has won

Best blog by an idiotBest blog by someone who is truly savedBlog most read by saved peopleCruellest blog attacking saintly pious peopleMost spiritual blog by a sockpuppetKieran Conry prize for virtue, modesty and humilityPottymouth Times award for the nastiest blog everStupidest pictures ever seen on a blogLeast read blog of 2015 (2nd prize to Bruvver Bosco)Tina Beattie medal for promoting orthodoxy"Utter filth" (Sheds and Shedmen, Croydon)

Bishop of Lancaster's cup for well-placed ad hominem attacks

Eccles has been named as one of the 100 most influential saved people in Notting Hell, by the prestigious Calumny Chapel Parish Newsletter.