No Compassion For Depression

I have been married for 18 years. I am 36, husband is 41. We have 3 kids, one is grown. My husband and I are very close. Close meaning we talk and are together a lot. It also means our MOODS affect each other a lot. He is depressed. I think its medical. I think he has been this way on and off for years. Question: I RESENT his depression. I wind up doing all the things HE should be doing, Its more work for me. And I'm suppose to be OK with this? And nice about it?? I wind up saying all the things I shouldn't say, like, "Snap out of it" (I wish I could slap him like Cher did Nicolas Cage, in Moon Struck) Why do I HATE it that he is depressed? Why cant I be compassionate? Why do I refuse to show compassion? I know I'm making things worse. HELP ANNE!

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