Oh sure, now that the Vancouver Canucks supposedly have no use for Roberto Luongo, there is talk the Toronto Maple Leafs should try and trade for the him in the summer.

Nice try, but no thanks.

Why would the Leafs want a goaltender who was pulled after losing the first two games in the opening round this year? Why would the Leafs want a goaltender who lost Game 7 of the Stanley Cup final? Why would the Leafs want a goaltender who turns to mush whenever he sees a Chicago Blackhawks jersey?

Wait a second; it is either Luongo or another year of James Reimer and Jonas Gustavsson? Well, then, send him over.

[np-related]

It is all a pipe dream, of course. Luongo has a no-trade clause and an anchor of a contract that could keep him in Vancouver for the next 10 years. But with Cory Schneider now carrying the load and Luongo supposedly being run out of town, you cannot help but imagine what the Leafs would look like if they were to acquire the beleaguered goaltender.

If you really want to torture yourself, imagine if Toronto had not traded its fourth overall pick in 1997 to the New York Islanders — used to select Luongo — for Wendel Clark, Mathieu Schneider and D.J. Smith.

Instead, the Leafs continue to search for that elusive No. 1 netminder, burning through 15 goalies since the 2004-05 lockout. Since the decline of Hall of Famer Ed Belfour, the Leafs’ crease for the most part has been a goalie graveyard responsible for the disappearance of more lives than the Bermuda Triangle.

In three of the last four years, the team has had either the worst or the second-worst goals-against average in the league. This season, Gustavsson was 38th of 45 qualifying goaltenders with a .902 save percentage. Reimer, at .900, was 41st.

So, no question, Luongo would be an improvement. The 33-year-old, still in the prime of his career, went 31-14-8 this season with a 2.41 goals-against average and a .919 save percentage. He might be a bit of a slow starter — he went 3-3-1 in October with an .869 save percentage — but GM Brian Burke would be happy to know that in the final three months, Luongo went 11-4-4 with a .922 save percentage.

And that mediocre 32-29 career playoff record? Well, let’s just say that after missing the post-season for the past seven years, Leafs fans would be more than happy if they could simply be watching hockey in late April.

The real question is can they even get him?

Luongo is not yet on the market. Part of this is because of his no-trade clause, and part because the Canucks must still decide if they are going to forge ahead with Luongo, with Schneider, a restricted free agent this summer, or with both.

If Vancouver chooses to go with Schneider, who is younger (26) and has better numbers (1.96 GAA, .937 save percentage), the next step is convincing Luongo to move on. According to capgeek.com, there is a small window at the end of the 2013-14 season where he can provide five teams he would be willing to move to. But if the Canucks really want to trade him, all they have to has to do is name Schneider the starter and let fans do the rest.

Assuming Luongo agrees to be traded, would the Leafs be on his list of five teams? Maybe not. After all, if Vancouver is a tough market to play in, a city like Tampa Bay might be preferable to Toronto.

But if waffle-throwing fans are not enough to deter him, then all it might take is some creativity to fit Luongo’s annual salary hit of US$5.33-million under the cap and a package enticing enough for the Canucks to part with their one-time captain and one-time franchise player.

It sounds crazy, but it could happen.

Just make sure it is not Leafs GM Brian Burke or VP of hockey operations Dave Nonis making the call. With the history that those two former Canucks executives have with current GM Mike Gillis, chances are the call will go to voice mail.

For no good reason, his staff took a huge chunk of Trudeau’s feminist and reconciliation bona fides and ran them through the woodchipper

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