Ah!!!! Mothering. My expertise. I didn't place a vote because I'm not sure which is correct. I USED to be married to a real jerk who constantly yelled at our kids about cleaning their rooms. "You're lazy...You slob...can't you do anything?....etc." Think about it - when your kids grow up, will they remember weather or not they had a clean room or being yelled at & belittled? Bingo! The clean room just isn't that important. You try to teach your kids to have good habits like picking up after themselves (dirty clothes OR glasses) while they are maturing & in your care. It's your job and they will learn, but maybe not until they are adults. Then they will figure out why Mom & Dad were telling them to pick up the empty glass. In the mean time, relax. Remind her occasionally but don't sweat the small stuff. Bruised spirit isn't worth a clean room.

Yeah, I understand. Well, obviously, asking isn't working. Maybe work a deal with her like having a friend over if she doesn't bring a glass in her room for a week. Another idea is to tell her she has $5. Every time you see a glass in her room, you subtract $1. She gets whatever is left at the end of the week. Just ideas from a seasoned mom.

This makes me glad I'm not a parent, so my post will be from a non-parent perspective. First, I would try and figure out if it's a discipline or listening problem or if she's merely being a typical 11 year old and trying to see how far she can push her parents. 11 is a funny, awkward age. You're not quite a little kid anymore but your not yet a teenager. I believe they call them "tweens". It's also an age where they can learn a lot from their parents. You might want to put your foots down with this one and force the issue. Maybe give her 3 more chances (strikes if you are a baseball fan) and the 3rd time she leaves those cups there, no more cups in the room at all. Bring them back after a month or so on a trial basis to see if she does it again. The thing I would worry about with the cups is if you cave on this, she's going to know she can get away with it. 11 year olds are a lot smarter than you'd think. I wouldn't ground her for it or come down like the wrath of God, but I do think little things like this can snowball so hopefully you can find away to nip it in the bud.

I apologize in advance APF, I am not trying to be difficult here, but the truth is that while I agree that fear is a great motivator -- because it is -- but it is a weak and ineffective "builder." One of the greatest statements to keep in mind in child rearing is "People become their praise." Every one of us want to be accepted. Rather than remind her when she has done wrong Praise her every time she does right.
Next time she puts the glass away make a huge deal of how responsible she has been and what great character that shows. She will want to hear that again (and again, and again) and she will be putting the glasses away before you know it.

First of all, I don't have kids. So all I know from parenting is what has been passed down by my folks. If you're still interested in hearing another advice, please read on.

It's not about the dirty cup or the dirty room. It's about respect and obedience to someone who has lived longer than you, knows more than you and wants only your well being.

She should not have to be reminded everyday, but punishment IMHO isn't suitable for an education, as it doesn't bring up respect, only fear.

The best way would be to explain to her why she shouldn't leave dirty cups in her room. And no, don't say "because we say so". Explain about diseases, filthy pests that are attracted to it, etc... In my experience growing up, being condescendent to children never works out.

And, in theory, I don't like bargaining with kids. It shouldn't be about them doing what you want, it should be about respect and understanding. Of course, everything in theory is nice... But what neifi proposed about praise is VERY, VERY true. Big praises keep with you. Scoldings also do, but scolding is a great, great way to forever psycologically impair a person. Sure, it might work and she might not ever let a dirty cup in her room. It might also turn her into a pathological cleaner, in a very, very drastic case.

Its very hard to parent a child without setting a good example yourself. And while you may not keep cups in your room how does the rest of the house look? Keep a neat house and the child will pick that up and be neat him or herself.

One glass, let her pick out one she likes. That is the only one she can have in her room. Wash it daily. Otherwise, pick your battles carefully. This isn't as important as sleepovers, homework, going over to friends, makeup, Facebook, etc. You don't want to go ballistic over every petty difference especially when the parents are divided as to its importance. In my house (actually my wife's) safety battles are non-negotiable. Homework timing takes a strong reason. Chores can be negotiated. Bedtime mostly not. Sleepovers aren't an issue, only timing is for the youngest only. Remember her room will be as clean as you make it after she is gone.

BTW, what is she drinking? Water? Milk? Juice? Manhattans? Old-Fashions? The kind of remnant left behind also makes a difference. Allowing only water in her room until she learns to return the cups would help with the cleanliness.

Are you and your wife familiar with the concept of Natural/Logical consequence?
Basically, you ask the child to do X. If he/she doesn't do X then he/she doesn't get to do Y.
It's only fair to warn the child beforehand and be sure to follow through.

One glass, let her pick out one she likes. That is the only one she can have in her room. Wash it daily. Otherwise, pick your battles carefully. This isn't as important as sleepovers, homework, going over to friends, makeup, Facebook, etc. You don't want to go ballistic over every petty difference especially when the parents are divided as to its importance. In my house (actually my wife's) safety battles are non-negotiable. Homework timing takes a strong reason. Chores can be negotiated. Bedtime mostly not. Sleepovers aren't an issue, only timing is for the youngest only. Remember her room will be as clean as you make it after she is gone.

BTW, what is she drinking? Water? Milk? Juice? Manhattans? Old-Fashions? The kind of remnant left behind also makes a difference. Allowing only water in her room until she learns to return the cups would help with the cleanliness.

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No one is going ballistic over it...We just disagree on if a 11 year needs to be reminded every day about it..

Are you and your wife familiar with the concept of Natural/Logical consequence?
Basically, you ask the child to do X. If he/she doesn't do X then he/she doesn't get to do Y.
It's only fair to warn the child beforehand and be sure to follow through.

No one is going ballistic over it...We just disagree on if a 11 year needs to be reminded every day about it..

She drinks kool aid, water, and milk..

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Every one is an expert at raising other people's children, especially those without any.

Restrict her to just water in her room until she consistently remembers the empty glass. Milk definitely not. We consider milk and juice a food and as such is not allowed on the second floor of our house where the bedrooms are. We have a 125 yr old farmhouse and as such get enough wildlife inside without setting up a buffet in the bedrooms for them.

Oh, and yes you probably still need to remind her daily. We remind our 15 and 11 year olds about chores almost every day. My 19 year old assumed responsibility when he was about 14. My 9 year old daughter keeps an immaculate room about every other week. Between then, it's chaos. I don't think her brothers know the color of their carpet or whether their laundry would actually fit in their bureaus.

Every one is an expert at raising other people's children, especially those without any.

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Right.

I'm not a parent.
I was pretty lousy as a step-parent.
IMO the most challenging thing of being a parent is trying to figure out the best way to discipline the child while teaching him/her responsibility.
At one time it was OK to hit the child. And then physical abuse was outlawed and you just aren't supposed to that anymore. (Which I agree with.)
What is the best action to teach kids responsibility?
I dunno. But now, whatever methods are suggested, even if they are non-violent you will have some expert coming along to counter act that.

It's easy to be an outsider looking in and say, "do this, do that". Suggestions are alway appreciated but not all will work. Every situation is different and every kid will react differently. IMO, as a parent, you do what YOU feel is right for your child. As long as your intentions are good, that's all you can do.
LTF, I think your approach of restricting computer use is a good start. Your words have obviously fallen on deaf ears. Maybe this will get her attention. However, make it a consquence and not a punishment.

I have an 11 year-old girl. She is lazy, bitchy, and leaves dirty plates and cups in her room all of the time. But she's great in school, does well, and puts her all into her dancing and basketball, so we let it slide.