It arrived in a huge brown box on our front porch.At the time, I had no idea how many memories and hopes could come in a cardboard box.It was a crib. Simple and white and wooden. Ben and my dad assembled it together, each little piece preparing to hold our firstborn. They pushed it proudly against the green wall in his room, and my mom and I added a mattress and sheets.

And while I waited for him to come, I would sit in the rocker beside the crib and pray for this little person we didn't know.When he came, we named him Tucker.When he was 18 months, we took off the front piece and added a new one, and it became a toddler bed, and my heart skipped a beat at how fast the months had passed. And I would sit on the floor next to his little bed and stroke his hair and pray for the little boy he was becoming. And just a few months later, we moved him out of it and turned it back into a crib for his sister who was on the way.

And while I waited for her to come, I would sit in the rocker beside the crib and pray for this little person we didn't know.When she came, we named her Libby.We were preparing to move when we she was almost 18 months and he was almost 4. We were six months into the adoption process and we decided to let them share a room in the new house. A friend texted me one day with an offer of an extra twin bed. We went to pick it up, and there it was disassembled on their living room floor. Simple and white and wooden. When we moved, we put the new bed together and put the crib back together once again. And our kids began the adventure of sharing a space.

We kept her in the crib as long as possible. And then we took off the front piece and added a new one, and it became a toddler bed, and my heart skipped a beat at how fast the months had passed. And I would sit on the floor next to her little bed and stroke her hair and pray for the little girl she was becoming.

Seasons changed and a year passed from the time we moved, and we got the referral for a baby. A little girl. And while I waited for her come, I would sit in the rocker between the two beds and pray for this little person we didn't know.And long before we thought she would come, we named her Aida. We began to get ready for her and the transitions to come. We began to make the playroom into a little boy's room, and I bought stuff and put it away for when the girls would share a room. But the months kept on passing. And eventually our trip was postponed. We stopped working on their rooms. We left things the way they were. My heart skipped a beat at how fast the months had passed. And I would sit on the floor between their beds and I would long to stroke her hair but instead I would pray for the little girl she was becoming.

In the evenings the four of us would bend low together by the twin bed and pray for her, our Aida. After Ben and I went downstairs, we could hear them laughing and talking and jumping on beds. I would stand outside their door and hear whispered plans and hopes of a sister and silly stories and stuffed animals thrown from the simple and white and wooden beds.

Seasons changed and a whole year passed from the time we had first heard about her. Then another 6 months and suddenly the door closed on our Aida. Our 4 year old was still sleeping cramped in that toddler bed, and we breathed in the reality that we no longer needed the little bed we had been saving for a child who wouldn't come. We took it apart. All of its simple and white and wooden pieces and piled them together- a bunch of memories and hopes on the floor. The time was right as another family needed it, and a sweetness was found in the bitter because we could share our past for our dear friends' future . And so the bed that was supposed to hold our third baby walked out the door to hold another one.

It arrived in a huge brown box on our front step.It was growth and loss and hope and a new season that had came in a cardboard box. It was another twin bed. Simple and white and wooden. Ben and I assembled it together, each little piece preparing to hold our firstborn again. We pushed it proudly against the off-white wall in their room, and moved the old twin bed to his sister's side.

And the laughter and whispered plans and bedtime prayers and hopes continued. Because healing comes slow and unpredictable... but His healing still always come.

*WIll you continue to pray for our slow and unresolved adoption process? Will you continue to pray for a home for Aida?

It rained early yesterday morning. Every inch of rain that touches the earth is a small victory for our drought-stricken ground.And it's a reason to put on rain boots.Even when you don't really need them.

Summer vacation officially began for us this week. And this morning, my youngest put on her rain boots and went outside to dance. I did what I do and snapped pictures of her joy in the puddles. I watched her laugh and play, and I felt satisfied that she wasn’t spending this summer morning in front of a screen. Until I realized that I was. I was so busy recording the memory that I wasn’t experiencing it. I was missing the opportunity to connect with her if even for a few minutes. I set the camera aside and jumped into the puddle. This motherhood thing- it’s messy. But it’s fun.

I counted them up today. We have 15 more summers with her before she graduates high school. 13 with our son.

Ben and I, we’ve been talking about summer for the past month. How are we going to teach our children that they don't always have to be entertained by us but that they can count on us to find the time to connect with them in some small way every day? How do we make this summer not just about ourselves, but our God and His people? How are we going to be intentional with our time and make sure that we don’t waste it? And we’ve come up with a plan.

-We are all setting goals. What do we want to accomplish as a family this summer and what do we want to accomplish individually this summer? Ben and I have goals for fitness. Tuck is going to learn to ride his bike. We have some goals for preparing Libby for pre-K. And we all have reading goals. We have incentives for our goals and the best thing about being a family is that we all have cheerleaders encouraging us on.

-We are looking for ways to think beyond ourselves. Summer is an easy time for us to have people over for dinner so there is no reason that people shouldn’t often be in our home. We are establishing “Mail Monday” and we are writing more cards and/or sending more packages because seriously isn’t real mail one of the best things to get? Our kids are going to make a missionary book of all of the people in our life serving in different places so that we can be more specific in our time to pray for them. We are looking for intentional ways to serve in our neighborhood and community (we are making a list) and we are planning to help our children play a bigger part in our giving/serving.

-We are reestablishing routines where we slacked off in the school year. We’ve changed up our chore chart to include things we want our kids to learn. Two of those things are helping with laundry (sometimes that looks like clean towels being folded on dirty floors) and helping with dinner once a week (I have a feeling that means more messes and longer time in the kitchen) and daily chores must be accomplished in order to earn screen time. We are going to pick up our pace a little in memorizing Psalm 67 as a family. And we are going to move our children back into a more consistent habit of time alone with God.

-We know that fun and creating memories doesn’t always have to be expensive or even planned out months in advance. So, we are going to paint pictures, watch $1 movies in the theatre, help with VBS at our church, set up a tent in our living room, play baseball, get away and visit friends. We are going to watch the sunset, build pillow mountains, attend free library events, have as many playdates as we can, stay in our pajamas until lunchtime, and I'm going to do my best not too stress as much about messes.

And we plan to put on our rain boots and dance with our kids as often as possible. Even when there is no rain.

Because we only have so many summers.

What about you? I would love to hear your plans for being intentional with your summer!

Thankful List for May-hopeful adoption progress for the McDurhams-3 years of our getting the adoption newsletter from Dillon and our friends the Grubens' finally made it to the welcome home section!-the Whitfield's open arms and open home-new little one to love for the Houses'-"O Lord, You hear the desire of the afflicted; You will strengthen their heart, you will incline Your ear to do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed." Psalm 10:17-18-the bittersweetness that is Libby still drawing Aida in our family pictures and still asking when she's coming home-"God uses our brokeness for His purpose. What He puts back together heals stronger. Loving people is a full-time ministry. (Title, position, and pay are not necessary). There are setbacks and tragedies in our journey. God plots our course for His glory." -Kristen Welch (Rhinestone Jesus)

And a few random things that have nothing to do with Adoption:-"Muffins with Mom" at Tuck's school and "Mother's Day Tea" at Libby's preschool... what a sweet time with both of them-wonderful Mother's Day... with breakfast and lunch cooked for me, time playing in the park, time reading a new book, and beautiful cards and flowers (along with a gift certificate for a massage!)-sweet girls in new dresses having a tea party-getting to share meals with lots of people throughout the month: the Vander Pyls, the Tiller's, Dani and Carly, the Doley's, the Ostermann's, students at a rehearsal dinner-taking lunch to Tucker at school and how happy it makes him-dress sales!-family trip to Houston- getting to see Mimi and Pops, the Murphy's hospitality, Astro's game, the gift of fabric, seeing Ben's old house/church/school, Libby was safe after a scary pool incident-commissioning service and our 14 students who are going this summer/fall/year-a new phone-field trip with Libby's class-"baseball practice" with the Tillers-acting out the Bible

-"All the ends of the earth shall remember and turn to the Lord, and all the families of the nations shall worship before You. For kingship belongs to the Lord, and He rules over the nations." Psalm 22:27,28-Ben won a grill! (which we were on our way to purchase the very day he won)-Tuck's kindergarten graduation (and how excited he was to sing for us) and ice cream afterwards with families that have come to mean so much to me this year!-Field day (and Krista's thoughtfulness to offer to watch Libby during Tuck's field day!)-Tuck's "Memorial day shirt" made by him and his careful attention to make sure it had exactly the right amount of stars and stripes-Mom's Night Out (with friends and the actual movie)-children dressing up a dog as a superhero-Chuck E Cheese with Libby's class (and a great preschool year and a wonderful teacher... thank you Mrs. Elizabeth!!)-reading Rhinestone Jesus with Vicki (the best book I've read in a while)-11 years of marriage to my best friend-trip to Arlington: swimming, Pei Wei, the coolest tour of GlobeLife Park that made a little boy's year, celebrating Grant and Victoria's wedding day, seeing lots of students dear to us-those sweet moments when Libby and Tuck are best friends-"World changers don't set out to change the world; they see one need and do what they can to meet it. They usually don't even know they are changing the world. You might be thinking right now, I will never be a world changer... Change the way you see the power of one action done for someone else. When its combined with the power of one big God, your small YES can change the world." - Kristen Welch (Rhinestone Jesus)

"I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will recount all of Your wonderful deeds." Psalm 9:1