I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP). Sometimes I’m not so bright. In fact, I can make just stupid decisions. When I was a child my arm was broken. The arm was never set properly and as a result the arm has always given me some discomfort. The last few months however; the pain has steadily grown where I have to work around it for such tasks as putting on a shirt. So I put in a medical request form. I suggested that perhaps the lack of exercise is causing the pain, as up until a year ago I was being treated for cancer and I didn’t exercise much and since then I’ve done very little. But with my impending release on Wednesday, I didn’t make a good choice ignoring the pain. To my surprise, I was actually seen on Sunday by a nurse right here on the unit. The nurse decided to see me because of my history of cancer. She determined the kind of bone issue I described shouldn’t be ignored. Just another example of the usually positive experience I’ve had with health practitioners while I’ve been in prison. She decided to refer me to the doctor without performing tests. But she did take a history of how it happened, asking why I didn’t address this years ago when I had insurance and why I waited until now. Truth was I didn’t want to answer the questions people would have asked related to how it happened, my usual honesty and shame issues. Hopefully, I don’t continue that pattern. One nice thing about all my family and friends knowing I went to prison is all pretense is gone. The truth will be revealed eventually whether you want it to or not. The fact I had problems is now known to them. How will they react to me? How will I react to them? I am going to try, despite the loss of family, possessions, career, and money, to hold my head high. The difference between disgrace and shame would be failing to learn the lessons shame has taught. It will be a struggle, make no mistake about that. Charles and Victoria Martin, my adoptive parents, have his retirement celebration coming up July 17th where family friends and acquaintances from years gone by will be in attendance. We’ll see then if my words here mean anything. The rest of the weekend was uneventful. ERP group member Scott Dietz had his paperwork signed by a Milwaukee County judge on a weekend. He also inquired about me building websites for his businesses. I’m suspicious of any contact with people from here or promises made but I said sure I’m interested but I’ll need a couple of months to get my feet on the ground. But I almost believe him. I talked to my adoptive parents on Sunday as well. They have the bed I slept on as a kid setup in the basement and some simple foodstuffs put up for me there. The internet will be turned on June 25th so I can get to catching up on my Information Technology and programming skills. They gave my parole officer (PO) Helen Gaither the house key which I can get from her on Wednesday but left a door open in the event by the time I get to Menasha, WI after business hours. Of course this tells me the PO and my adoptive parents have been meeting and talking. That makes me a little nervous. But everything seems set. Wednesday can’t get here soon enough!

I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP). Today is graduation day for another ERP group. This graduation includes 3 important characters in this blog – Brian Whalen, Corey Ball, along with former cellie Malik Pearl. About 9:30 am the ceremony started. They had chosen the name “The Pibts” as their theme in they’re another chance, a one way ticket out of here but if they don’t do what they need to do to stay clean and sober it will be a round trip ticket bat to MSDF or similar place. The artwork was impressive, with a wall trimmed with gold and blue. On top were blue circles with a plane inside along with each person’s name. After the opening remarks, there were comments by the unit manager and the security director who was standing in for the Warden, who couldn’t be there today. What followed was presentation of quotes by the inmates, who also took the opportunity to thank their ERP social worker Ms. Carr along with a list of others in the room. Some even took the time to thank the parole officers who took the time to attend, which was a nice gesture. Then Ms. Carr presented the ERP completion certificates to the inmates as those in attendance clapped. Like past graduations, cookies were given out. Since I’m a swamper the guard told me to hand them out, 2 a piece, one chocolate and one ginger. Of course inmates were trying to get me to give them extras. One positive thing about me is public opinion of me here isn’t high on my priority list! So that didn’t happen. Of course some got seconds before others got their firsts but that’s because they didn’t get in line right away. Just like first grade right? Then we got a big surprise. Our ERP social worker, Ms. Grey, showed up for group. Normally on graduation day we don’t have group in the morning but she decided to have group anyway. Cellie and ERP group member Larry Sands had had a conversation with her and she revealed the reason she missed the previous day because she had been mugged. It was good she was ok. Again we watched videos form the relationship series From the Inside Out featuring Earnie Larson. These were the last ones. We did the accompanying workbook sections for the videos. We flew right through. This again was another topic (relationships) that we could have spent weeks on. Larson did an excellent job through the role play depictions of portraying various relationship behaviors that I’m sure if we had the time it would have been beneficial to go into this in depth. But there isn’t the time left to do that and everything else scheduled prior to June 10th (our graduation). As we left group for lunch we noticed that the guy who said he’s going to tell on everyone at a community meeting and all his cellies in a rather heated meeting with two social workers. It seems all his cellies have tired of his bullying tactics in the cell. No big surprise huh? At lunch it was one of our better meals, the Baked fish and cupcakes for dessert. There were no extras because a guard named Albert Payne ate them all! He’s the same guard that makes us all stand with our hands to our side at count. We’ve seen guards eat multiple trays of food at FMCI before so its no big revelation. But doing it, I was looking forward to that extra cupcake I’d have gotten as a swamper! But no big deal. more importantly, my relationship with the other swamper, David Sussex isn’t as good as it was. He just likes to preach at people about their shortcomings in a religious way. His outlook is just very immature. I finally told him he talked too much and shared with him what scripture says about zeal without knowledge. He didn’t like that. But its okay. We’ll be fine. I’ve got 35 days till my ERP group graduates, no more than 45 till departure. I’m not letting anything here take my focus off of that.

I’m at the Fox Lake Minimum Correctional Institution (FMCI), a facility in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS). I was asked on Sunday to play keyboard for the choir for the Protestant church service. After the incident with Charlie, I was glad to turn my attention elsewhere. I had heard previously there had been quite a bit of drama associated with this particular group but I figured really, how bad could it be? The guy leaving the group had only been in charge a week and told me to meet the other singers by the basketball court for practice. Service was 3 hours away but no one knew the song arrangements. Most of the time was spent on a litany of complaints and backstabbing those not there. Many made a point of telling me their issues, perhaps because I was new and they wanted me to sway to their way of thinking. The refrain was basically that we were under attack from the enemy (Satan), thus the problems we were having. I was told because of guard complaints about the noise, they had taken away the drums and electric guitars. They claimed the institution didn’t allow sufficient practice time. Finally as further evidence of the “enemy’s” infiltration, solos had been stepped on and choir members were angered. I just rolled my eyes. My focus was solely to get the music down so I didn’t embarrass myself. The leader tried to get these complicated arrangements put in place with the other vocals. There just isn’t time. Finally, we practiced for a half hour at the multi-purpose building and then did the service. Simply put, it was awful. Most of the time when you stink as a band in a church environment, people tell you it was good anyway. Not this time. Many in attendance let me know how awful it sounded. My attitude was basically I get to play in a church band again so I want to take advantage. The following day I was told by the leader that Captain Kramer and Lt. Brodie wanted to see the choir. Kramer, an attractive middle-aged woman, is Brodie’s boss. I know if she was there, this wasn’t good. After we all got there, Kramer got right to the point. Apparently, inmates in the choir from Unit 10 had been in Unit 9 areas to practice vocals which is a major offense. Then she told us that due to this and the repeated problems incurred with this choir, that have caused her and Brodie to have to spend time on these issues every week, the choir was to be disbanded. The only exceptions were the leader, guitar and keyboard player, being sure to point out to the leader that the chaplain had specifically asked for him. In some ways, if intentional, it was a clever move on their part. Appeal to the leader’s ego, cause division within the group and confuse who they should be mad at. The problem with this is in this environment by Kramer singling out who was wanted, those people will feel pressure to not cooperate or be viewed as friendly to staff which you really don’t want here. So now the band leader was talking like none of use would stay, that they wouldn’t tell us how to run the choir. While he was off talking to each now former choir member, others started filling me in. While it was true they weren’t given adequate practice time (a half hour isn’t adequate to get all this ready), the guitar players and drummers had been repeatedly about the volume level and volunteers and staff complained. Choir members themselves had been going to the chaplain and Brodie complaining about each other. At the end of the day, it was just easier to shut it all down. It wasn’t Satan that was responsible for the group’s demise, it was largely the choir’s own fault. What’s going to happen now I don’t know. But sometimes I rather like being the quiet one!