Feather hair extensions are one of the trendiest fashion accessories right now (I say this knowing that Cincy's always a little behind the times on all things stylish). Celebrities from Ke$ha to Steven Tyler to Roseanne Barr have been rockin' the look, which may sound like a deterrent, but now these birdy little weaves are everywhere. Even on dogs.

Not all dogs are treated the same

Anyone who knows me well will tell you that I’m an avid dog-lover. I’ve owned dogs from the time I was a young teen, and I’ve loved every moment of it. There’s something about our canine companions that just warms my heart. Their wagging tails, their wet noses, the way they’re always happy to see you when you come home ... I just love them.

Unfortunately, it seems like not all people in this world share the same passion for dogs that I do. Hundreds upon thousands of dogs are abandoned each year and end up either dead or in shelters, and many more suffer at the hands of neglectful or abusive owners. Fortunately, we have organizations such as the SPCA around to speak out and help these animals. However, it’s recently come to my attention that not all shelters treat certain breeds of dogs the same.

I like to think of myself as a pretty normal person, perfectly capable of interacting with a variety of other humans. I watch bad television and sometimes shop at Wal-Mart, yet I enjoy ethnic food and DIY projects. MFin' renaissance woman. But sometimes, despite a breadth of interests and activities, I cannot deal with people. Enter the Cincinnati Zoo.

This Sunday, instead of burying my head under a pillow until 1 p.m., the boyfriend and I decided to pay a visit to the yearly Zoo Babies attraction. The weather was sunny and warm, and neither of us were hungover - a perfect and rare opportunity to look at little animals.

Nearly anyone can enjoy a trip to the zoo, but I know very well that this type of attraction is particularly appealing to little humans - children. And sometimes children don't know how to walk yet or their biological walking timers shut off and they need assistance, i.e. strollers. I know they're necessary, but some of these devices are more comparable to a slightly smaller Prius. Of course, you have to let kids cut in front of your or you're a total bitch. But, god damnit, I paid $14 to be here and I want to see the manatees, too.

So what are you supposed to do? Wait patiently for the throng of toddlers to peep new baby giraffe, Zuri and then try your damnedest to see past their gooey fingerprints smudging the glass window once it's your turn.

Strollers suck (though they're much more obtrusive at packed festivals - watch out for those bad boys this weekend at The Taste!), but Sunday I found a worse alternative that I thought only existed as a joke in the '90s - baby leashes. I witnessed countless seemingly behaved youngsters strapped in a fuzzy, cuddly, stuffed-animal themed LEASH. How lazy of a parent do you have to be to think the best way to prevent your kid from jumping into the polar bear cave is to attach them to a harness?

However, it's another issue if you're hypoglycemic and hyperactive. A hyper-hypo.

You better believe I gave a big old side-eye to each of these parents. For the love of god, go back to the tricked out, view-obstructing, toe-crushing stroller! Anything is better than a child leash.

Thankfully, dedicated individuals have devoted their time to stop this injustice.

Of course, there's another group of humans that left me mimicking the gorillas:

The I-don't-give-a-fuck crew.

So we're in the Jungle Trails, a peaceful, shaded area with plenty of space and lots of cool creatures. I'm just trying to get a good view of a zebra when I hear a stern, "Excuse me. There is no smoking anywhere in the zoo." Now, this dude was kind of dickish, gettin' up in somebody's bidness while wiping his kid from head to toe with sanitizer. But, holy shit, some bitch was actually smoking a cig by the animals! She quickly extinguished her smoke (possibly into the animal sanctuary - I was trying not to stare) with a raspy "Sah-ree." With that, it was time to escape to the air-conditioned nocturnal animal space.

It was pretty dark and kind of hard to see these critters (hello, nocturnal!) and one particularly grimy child next to me began smacking the window next to me.

"Wake up! Where is it?" he shouted, as a little partner in crime joined him in glass-banging. Half-concerned for the adorable lemur on the other side, half-worried someone might mistake these shit heads as my own offspring, I used my best waitress voice and said, "Hey guys, we shouldn't tap on the glass, OK?" and pointed to the dozens of signs suggesting the same. They continued.

We made our way back outside, to see my most anticipated animals, the bonobos. These apes share 98.7% of DNA with humans and are completely capable of learning many people things, like understanding English and using American Sign Language. (Side note: I'm half-way through Water for Elephants author's latest novel Ape House, in which bonobos play a huge role. It's a great read.) They're sweet.

Once again, I found myself behind a bunch of kids who probably can't pronounce bonobo and probably won't remember seeing them, but I kept my patient pants on. Until grimy kid #1 resurfaced…on the other side of a rope barrier, pounding on the gate. Sure enough, the brat belonged to cig lady who, at this point was enjoying (her fifth?) draft beer.

"C'mon, stop it. You're not supposed to be there," she yawned.

"I wanna see if he'll attack me! I wanna see if he'll attack me!"

This continued for a few minutes. I felt my mouth drop and I turned around to see I wasn't the only one in awe. Anyone who makes me feel like I'd be a competent mother has some serious issues. Maybe child leashes are appropriate in certain situations.

I guess I didn't really learn how to better cope with people, but I did discover this: animals are way cooler than humans, and their babies are cuter.

Well fear not, fanpires, because the Official Twilight Convention is coming to Cincinnati!

Whether you're Team Edward or Team Jacob (Spoiler Alert: neither of them will be there), The Hyatt Regency Downtown is the spot to be Saturday and Sunday for all hardcore Twilight fans. The weekend will include contests, web panels, auctions, music, parties and costumes on mannequins.

OK, honestly, I've never seen more than a preview for Twilight, so I'm not going to rage about how bad it sucks (see what I did there?) and how cray-cray the fans are. But I must say, the fan photos aren't making a good case for Twi-hards.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Exhibit C:

But, seriously, I guess it's cool that these actors will stand around rabidly crazy fans barreling full-speed toward puberty us normal people for a weekend. Apparently these stars will even allow fans to hug:

kiss:

and make complete asses of them:

The convention runs all day and night Saturday and Sunday starting around 11 a.m. Day passes are $20 and weekend packages run from $39-$219. Autographs, photos, breathing the same air as Peter Facinelli, etc. all are an additional cost. Go here to get the full schedule and ticket info for the convention. And full disclosure, if this was a True Blood convention with supporting characters from the show, I'd be frothing at the mouth like the rest of these crazy bitches.

Annual spring cuteness sesh begins this week

May is an awesome month for so many reasons. It's Bike Month, the sun's out, the mangoes are getting better and sundresses are officially acceptable attire.

Most importantly, perhaps, the whole month of May is "Zoo Babies" month at the Cincinnati Zoo and Botanical Garden. And as much fun as it is to unproductively scroll through photos of cute fuzzy things at your computer before you start your day at work, there's something so, so much better about seeing them in person.

The Zoo Babies exhibit runs until May 31. Looking for the babies? Follow the six-foot-tall pink and blue stork statues around the zoo. A sample of some of the most coo-worthy babies to see this month:

It's a bit harder to get excited about anything unfuzzy, including the "baby" Australian walking sticks, Malayan Leaf katydids, Emperor scorpions, Giant Spiny Leaf Insects, East African Whip scorpions or the Hissing Cockroaches. But it's worth a try. Click here for a complete list of the babies part of this year's 26th annual Zoo Babies exhibit. Please? Bogart is begging you.

Jac's favorite pop culture and Internet findings of the week

Thanks
to Facebook friends with good taste, my mom's stream of animal photo chain
emails and my voracious appetite for gossip and craft blogs, I'm constantly
exposed to some of the greatest items from the far-reaching corners of the internet. Here's what I just can't get enough of this week.

"Bad
Girls"

OK,
so M.I.A.'s video for "Bad Girls" came out a couple weeks ago, and
despite looping it for hours on end since then, I cannot get enough of it. It's
one of those tunes that makes me want to dance in public even without a (few)
cocktails in my system. With a penchant for controversy, the video (filmed in
Morocco) depicts what seem to be Middle Eastern women in
traditional-yet-pimped-out garb racing cars in the desert and dancing to music
with strong, sexual, pro-femme lyrics.

Though it’s been said that the political
standpoints M.I.A. makes in her music contradict her lifestyle,
or sometimes don't even make sense, the “Paper Planes” singer is the queen of juxtaposition when
it comes to her videos. It's also important to note that “Bad
Girls” comes during a time when women in Saudi Arabia are banned from driving.
So whatever her intended/implied/confusing statements may be, this video is a
pretty hot way to say “F that.”

The
mega-fest’s initial lineup was released last week, boasting headliners like Radiohead, Red Hot Chili Peppers,
Phish and The Beach Boys. Every year I go back and forth on my
decision to go: Can I afford the ticket plus all the cash and supplies that go
into surviving there (screw anyone who says you just need water and a sleeping
bag)? Can my poor Irish skin bear four days in the blazing sun? What if next
year’s lineup is even better? I still haven’t quite decided, but 2012’s lineup
looks good to me for less-than-obvious reasons.

Ben
Folds Five — As in, the original trio reuniting. One of my all time favorite
bands. I’d die. The
Roots — I’ve been a fan of the crew since I first heard “The Seed (2.0)” when I
was in eighth grade. And their day job as house band for Late Night with Jimmy
Fallon has only solidified my love.Ludacris
— Not ashamed.

Of
course there’s also this year’s #whoarethey Grammy winners, Bon Iver, Donald
Glover’s alter-ego Childish Gambino, The Shins, jam band supreme Umphrey’s
McGee and dozens more. Aziz Ansari (Parks
and Rec, Funny People) is even
confirmed to perform, though the rest of the comedy lineup is yet to be
announced. It turns out most people go to ‘roo for music, but I will nerdily
admit as a comedy fangirl, the stand-up tent was one of my favorite (and most
air-conditioned) experiences during my trip to the fest in 2010. Ansari also
appeared that year and Conan O’Brien, fresh off his firing from NBC, headlined.

Taxidermy
Art

A
friend on Facebook recently posted a link to Hi-Fructose Magazine’s blog, a page covered in creepy-cute
taxidermy art. Netherlands-based art partners (artners?) Les Deux Garçons
create whimsical pieces in which real taxidermied animals are embellished with
knick knacks, toys and lush decorative ribbons. If that weren’t enough, many
the animals are dual-headed conjoined mammals, or are transformed into unicorn-esque
creatures with crazy horns. These (ethically-obtained) animals are transformed
into their own art form that carefully walks the line between beautiful and
grotesque. Observe:

Arianna
Huffington

The
media queen came to town Feb. 22 to speak as a part of the SmartTalk
ConnectedConversations series, and boy, do I have a crush on her. She spoke (in
a sexy Greek accent, BTW) on becoming fearless in love, work and life,
providing many hilarious and interesting personal anecdotes along the way.
Advice she gave included getting more sleep, turning off that negative voice,
or “obnoxious roommate” in our heads and the importance of finding a “tribe” of
friends we can all relate to and depend on. Fun Fact: She launched The
Huffington Post in her fifties, thanks to help of a $100,000 loan from her
tribe-mate Laurie David (former wife of Seinfeld/Curb Your Enthusiasm’s Larry
David). Pretty inspirational. She ended the evening answering audience
questions with Channel 12’s Cammy Dierking, who clearly also has a bit of a
girl-crush on Huffington, and who nearly made me wet myself when she used the
phrase “That’d go over like a turd in a punch bowl.” It was truly a fun
femme-fest.

Sleigh
Bells on SNL

Despite
my undying love for Saturday Night Live, even I can’t deny the amount of
lackluster musical performances on the show. Granted, it is one of the few
“really live” shows left, details often aren’t finalized until the last minute, sound is often off and
the tiny stage isn’t ideal, but who could forget Ashlee Simpson’s
career-killing disaster on the show? This year, it’s all about hating on Indie
songstress/mannequin Lana Del Rey’s performance. Personally, I don’t think the
performance warranted such a backlash, but judge both for yourself.
And check out SNL’s hilarious response to Lana-gate (with Kristen Wigg as LDR)
here.

Thankfully,
Noise Pop duo (now touring with a third musician) Sleigh Bells killed it on last week’s episode. I wasn’t expecting
the live TV format to do them justice, but they sounded great and were
entertaining despite a nearly naked stage.

Going to the zoo isn't just for kids (though there always a million of them there). Whether you are a child, have 'em or hate 'em this weekend is perfect for a trip to the Cincinnati Zoo & Botanical Gardens. Friday-Sunday are Visitor Appreciation Days at the zoo, which means half price admission and parking for everyone! If you need any more reason to visit, there are tons of new exhibits like Night Hunters, African Savannah, Go Green Garden and more. Go here for special prices, hours and directions.

Craftmasters takes over Mainstay Rock Bar Saturday, offering up 10 local bands and 10 $4 craft beers all night long. Get down with Lions Rampant, Frankl Project, Eat Sugar and more as you sip tasty brews like Stone IPA, Weihenstephaner Hefe Weissbier and Two Brothers Dog Days Dortmunder Lager. Music starts at 7 p.m. with bands on two stages. Five bucks gets you in the door. Get the whole lineup here.

Worried no event will satiate your hunger this weekend? For-goetta-bout it! Glier's annual Goettafest is back with enough pork and oats to satisfy even the hungriest of visitors. Enjoy classics like goetta omelets, goetta burgers and goetta dogs or go crazy with goetta sushi, goetta brownies and goetta eggrolls. As always, there will be plenty of live music, games and rides to keep everyone happy (but wait 30 minutes after eating before going on The Scrambler. Goetta's even less pretty coming up.). The festival runs Friday-Sunday at Newport on the Levee. Go here for festival hours and parking information.

Cincy Blues Fest is one of largest volunteer-run Blues festivals in the world. Celebrate the music and the hard work Friday and Saturday at Sawyer Point. Besides checking out local, regional and national Blues acts, Mike Breen has come up with 19 reasons this is a can't-miss event. Go here to read 'em all.

The Cincinnati Art Museum makes so many fantastic works of art accessible to visitors. This Sunday, you can get an even more in-depth look at one artist's life during its Reel Art film series. Filmmaker Ellen Weissbrod's documentary A Woman Like That focuses on the life of Artemisia Gentileschi, a 17th century Italian woman who pursued art during a period when female artists faced much prejudice. Learn about this important Baroque-era artist and meet Weissbrod and co-filmmaker Melissa Powell at a Q&A session following the screening. Go here for ticket information and screening time.

As always, there are many more events, concerts, gallery exhibits and theater shows going on this weekend. Go here to see 'em all. Got a kick-ass event that should be on everyone's To Do list? E-mail arts and event listings to calendar@citybeat.com at least two weeks in advance.

One year ago today, the home of Shannon DeBra, founder of the all-foster rescue Recycled Doggies, caught on fire. Thirteen dogs and one cat died as a result, and Recycled Doggies faced a tremendous setback. Tonight, on the tragedy's anniversary, animal lovers everywhere are invited to attend a benefit, give what you can and support the organization and all its foster families and volunteers. Head over to Star Lanes at the Levee for a silent auction, raffles, happy hour specials and, of course, plenty of bowling fun. Go here to RSVP to the event, which runs from 5:30-8:30 p.m.

CANstruction kicked off today, with teams building artistic creations made entirely out of canned goods. Stop by the Weston Gallery to see their progress and drop off canned goods of your own. All donations, and all cans used to build the artwork, will go to the Freestore Foodbank.

Crazy! Cool. No, I'm not talking about TLC's 1994 album, I'm talkin' 'bout West Side
Story. The Bernstein and Sondheim hit is alive and well 55 years after
its debut on Broadway. The Jets and Sharks put any Crosstown Shootout
rivalries to shame, and in this revived version, audiences can expect a
grittier tale with more Hispanic influence. The classic runs at the
Aronoff Center through March 11. Find details here.

Every Tuesday is Writer's Night at MOTR Pub. Songwriters, poets, spoken word artists — anyone with original work is welcome to share. Sign ups open at 8:30 p.m. and $40 goes to a special winner each week. Lucas of The Dukes Are Dead hosts. Enjoy a beer, a BLT and great company.

Honey in Northside offers a $10 comfort food menu every Tuesday. Choose from homestyle favorites like fish and chips, meatloaf and mashed potatoes, chicken stew with dumplings and more. It's a great chance to try the local spot if you've never been and you're on a budget. Peep our full review of Honey here.

Check out our To Do page for tons of recommended art shows open today.