Friday, December 31, 2010

I was a teacher for nearly 20 years. In all those years there was without fail a kid in my class who I knew was going to die an early self-induced stress related death.

He was the kind of kid who would jump to conclusions too fast or freak out because he had lost an assignment he worked really hard on only to find out that he had already turned it in.

Or he would say 'My book doesn't have a page 42, what do I do now?" I would answer, "Check between pages 41 and 43 and by some miracle of the heaven the page would be right where I said it was.

I became that kid tonight.

There I was messing around with my stupid spam file on hotmail (which tonight has been the source of so many woes that you would think they were working a contract for the stinkin' bulbheads) because I found comments there that were fresh ones that I had never read. How many other comments did I miss that were made but didn't show up on Blogger?

To be organized I deleted as I went for the first 4 pages. There are 25 comments on each page. My edit posts file shows 100 posts per page. Are you doing the math in your head.

Well if not let me clear it up for you. If I had ONLY gone to the NEXT page showing my post list I would have seen that the comments were just fine I lost NOTHING except stuff from recently. Sure some gems are gone but the Royal Crown is still nice to look at.

So what have we learned?

1) Don't mess with stuff that were working fine until your monkey brain got to it.

2) Don't freak out until you have all the facts - then go full retard if appropriate.

3) Be patient, because everything that just went to crap a second ago can turn to glory the very next second. Have faith that you are not a total fuck-up at times.

4) Don't declare to the cat in a large booming voice, "YOU ARE BANISHED" when you hear him snickering as he watches the screen over your shoulder. All he will say is, "Like you banished those comments, dumbass?"

I can almost feel the wires in my brain reconnecting and I hear a voice in my head telling tiny little workmen that the stroke has been delayed and they can take the rest of the week off with pay once they fix the damaged circuitry.

Oh and to add to the celebration, Becca emailed me both of these so that I could save them properly. I can now proudly show them off to you. If you get the chance tell Becca (ladygorgon@yahoo.com) what you think because artists love to know how people react to their work. I think these are pretty awesome myself.

One more thing. My download of 'The Monster Walks' which was described to me as "People in an old dark house on a stormy night are menaced by a killer ape" just finished downloading. Life is SWEET!

SIDE NOTE - I send the package containing the framed picture of my niece and nephew to them in September and only NEXT FREAKIN' WEEK will it reach them in Cairns, Australia. Yes, we did land a man on the Moon if you are asking that question. GAH!

This frickin' year is only seven minutes away and I have two things already that are gonna give me a stroke.

First of all, the entire history of 'Cave of Cool' comments are gone. Every single thing you said to me and I said to you on a myriad of issues since September of 2009 no longer remains. I am near tears of sorrow and anger. That is too much to expect anyone to bear, really.

Secondly I saw a picture of Coral, who I am not going to talk about or post about. Like Denise, she is dead to me. To see that she posted pics online (I turned on my Hotmail messenger for the first time in years and there they were) only bring back bad memories that I don't want to deal with ESPECIALLY AT THIS FUCKING MOMENT.

I know I joke about many a plot against me by the Cephalopods but it's never been as real than it is to me right now.

All I can really do at this point is express a hearty "FUCK YOU WORLD" , pick the remnants of my shattered life and move on. At least my posts are still here to keep me warm (just like my bitterness keeps me warm)

12:08...yaaaaaa Happy New Year everyone.

SIDE NOTE - I know that some of you just experience some confusion so if you want to understand the complete story of a man losing his mind read THIS post first and read the post ABOVE it second. Instead of the usual order of things on Blogger. I promise you that everything will make sense again. Personally I like the reverse storytelling on this one.

Now ALL my comments are gone. I said SHOW but all the past ones are wiped out. Only the ones coming after this moment are showing up. Any ideas about what I can do to retrieve them? I have the comment box see to SHOW already remember. This will just devastate my world if all my past comments are gone. It just will.

There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs."

I just heard from Sam that he has not been able to send me comments because my site wouldn't allow that. I have it set so people can see their comments when they first make them. They don't have to wait for my moderation. I only clicked the moderation setting for a very short but went back to the usual way after a day.

As always what you comment you can see with the others the second after you make it. I even enable anonymous comments which I haven't allowed before and those have been showing up. Any ideas out there to what I may be doing wrong that would cause Blogger to lock people out of commenting at my site?

I have always thought these were stupid but I always give myself ONE that will make me happy to fulfill. This year it was commissioning someone (whose art I loved) to do a header for my blog. In fact I got two that were more amazing than I ever had any right to expect.

Sure Becca and MD are professionals when working on a paid job but I can see in their work that whatever I am or whatever my blog is about - it just inspired them to do a truly epic job because it was for ME.

I am also blessed to have found another brother from a different mother in MD the digital wiz kid who put together the header you now see at the top of my site.

He took my various mad obsessions and gave me the visual steampunk identity I could have never created for myself (too many choices) by focusing my vision for me. That is a girt to me and energized Cave of Cool Inc to have an even better year next year.

How geat would it be to have an action figure based on MD's design of my steampunk identity? They need to make one so that everyone can agree that I am a beautiful man.

This year I want to find my very own Luchador Mask. Seeing this display would invoke both a wetting and a pooping of the pants. Wish me luck. If anyone knows of a great sight to purchase these online let me know.

I want to find something that is uniquely me, especially after seeing Samurai Frog post this pic on tumblr. He so OWNS this look and it reminded me that I NEED a mask of my own that is perfect for me. Thus it became this year's resolution.

NOTE - You can see Becca's awesome piece on the bar to the right but I need you to see that larger version. The detail and references can only fully be appreciated this way. When I find a larger image I will come back and post it here.

How this happened I don't know because Blogger saves everything every minute or so but I lost my whole beautifully written review of the 1950 classic, 'King Solomon's Mines' and I am just too sick about it to recapture it. Here is the trailer. Movie is great. See it if it looks good to you....blah blah blah.

Always room for one more hero in the 'Cave of Cool' I am sure will be only be the beginning of a growing pantheon of characters associated with our mission this year.

OMG - They don't ship to CANADA????? WTF? Way to start my year by placing me on a suicidal path. I am emailing them now but I have the feeling that these will have to remain just out of reach to me.

Unless someone wants to offer me up an American address that I can get them sent to after I pay for them and then get them shipped up to me after I pay you??? Huh?

Doesn't that sound like a MITZVA - something nice to do for a fellow human being to get your KARMA off to a good start this new year? Think of 2010. You can always make use of some good karma in 2011 I am sure.

"RIP: Bobby Farrell, the sole male member of the influential disco group Boney M., passed away while touring St. Petersburg with the latest incarnation of his band. According to local reports, Farrell suffered a heart attack following a show.

This is the first time I have done this but my response to a comment prompted an answer from me that should accompany this post on the main page. For all that she has done or is known for, the greatest thing I got to discover about her this year was that she was in TWO 'Firefly' episodes. How different the world would have been if that show hadn't got cancelled the way it did. If you look at the success of 'Castle' and 'Mad Men' you know what I mean.

A lot of 'Mad Men's' initial push for viewership and recognition had to do with guys sitting with their girl and coming back each week to see Christina but also telling other guys that it's not only a good show, but you can ooogle a totally gorgeous substantial woman is the most rockin' red dress ever worn while still sharing quality time with your girl.

"It's because she knows herself. She gets that she as Monroe-esque sex symbol for her times and takes it all in stride. She is funny and good humored about the whole thing. Even women like her because she is not afraid to have curves.

I hope every woman takes Christina's opinions about herself and her body to heart. She is a great role model for every young girl who wants to resist what popular culture SAYS she must look like to be loved or admired in society.

In every interview I have ever seen or read about her she is fun and she loves men. For that she has my eternal respect and protection."

Thursday, December 30, 2010

I am on a Canadian love-fest tonight. I so love this land. When I say the word CANADA it means the following things:

IT MEANS that you are the best example of European sensibilities that respect people enough to offer a basic level of support to all who live within our borders.

Sure it may cost you in taxes sometimes but what you get back when the government combines that revenue is worth far more than what individual people paid to get it.

I have never found waiting times to be severe when compared to nations who do not offer socialized medicine to their people. In those systems the rich get great treatment but the poor, handicapped and disadvantages do not.

IT MEANS there is no profit motive in our medical system. No one is making money off the misery of their fellow human beings.

IT MEANS big corporations cannot have undue and harmful influence in our system.

Regulations are in place to insure that Corporations must follow certain guidelines if they want to exist. They are forced to be more responsible with their actions or pay a heavy price of their greed so they don't take risky chances with peoples lives or their health or their environment. Check out how Alberta's oil and gas industry is regulated. The 'tar sands' would look like the Gulf of Mexico does now if the Oil companies were allowed to do whatever they wanted here.

IT MEANS the lives of your young men and women are not tossed away fighting futile wars in foreign lands for selfish reasons.

IT MEANS we are Peacekeepers and not war makers.

IT MEANS that our 'blood and treasure' are used to enrich our country not enrich the military industrial complex whose lack of need for should have led to them being dismantaled after WWII.

If there is no one to fight then there is no need to built weapons to fight them. If the weapons are there then politicians will find an excuse (or create one in the case of the recent invasions of Iraq and Afghanistan) to use them especially if they are heavily influence by large campaign contributions. Power for a few becomes more important than the price the society is forced to pay for individuals holding on to their politcal power.

IT MEANS peace of mind that medically you and your family are protected in times of emergencies.

IT MEANS your population is progressive and educated. It's giving your children the best possible chance to create a good future for themselves because they are educated and the opportunities are there for them if they choose to take advantage of them.

IT MEANS that your politicians can't create disharmony by pitting one group against the other for selfish gain because, again, there is less discontent to exploit. Any politician trying to do that is run out of town on a rail for even suggesting that our problems are the fault of the blacks or the Jews or the browns or immigrants.

IT MEANS our two cultures, English and French, have found a way to compromise with each other that benefits both cultures and elevates the nation as a whole. In other places a difference in language and culture leads to many atrocities, misery and death (Serbia, Kosovo and Albania for examples)

IT MEANS we learn the lessons of history and avoid repeating our mistakes.

IT MEANS the people are not fearful or distrustful of those who are 'different' than them and accept these differences far more easily (Gay marriage, immigrant's rights, fairness between the genders ect).

Fellow Canucks out there - feel free to add to this list in the comment section.

Thanks to Brother Tempo for inspiring this post with one of his comments about Canada.

LOL, that is funny. seriously though..you could invade, set up government and they'd only realize what you'd done because things would start working properly...you know, hospitals, schools etc..

This guy, to me, is the Canadian comedic successor to George Carlin. Both are true masters of their craft that all comics need to study if they ever want to hit it big.

They both are lovers of language who shape their presentation to not only make you laugh but to show that comedy can have a true point to express about the insanity of our times.

James has a fantastic stream of conscience delivery that pulls you right into the joke and creates an every growing and complicated image in your mind before he hits you with the punchline. Dennis Miller tries to do this but fails miserably because he is mean and smarmy.

James is kind in his humor and can make you laugh without filling his whole act with the word FUCK.

Using that word in stand-up comedy is the last refuge of the desperate man. Anyone will laugh at something if you put enough of the word into it but it's not genuine laughing - it's uncomfortable laughing. When you actually take the time to work on your act, you show the audience that you actually care to entertain them.

You can really see this when Director Kevin Smith does his storytelling lectures. His movie stories are so great and so funny but he ruins it for me by saying fuck every second line.

Don't get me wrong. I love the word, it is the greatest single word in the English language that EVERYONE understand sits alone, by itself, next to all the rest of the words ever created. Smith's over use of it take me right out of the story picture he is painting in my mind.

If you doubt me then watch him tell a story with the fuck words 'bleeped' out. The sound of all those dings will drive you off your nut and stop you from paying attention anymore to what you are hearing. That is totally counter to Smith's goal in telling the story int the first place.

Here is a clip from Ron James' annual special (airing tomorrow on most CBC stations) where he looks back at the year and gives his observations. This is Canadian comedy at it's best and the reason we are the funniest people in the world - and by funny I mean 'ha ha' funny not funny acting or looking. Enjoy.

This is him talking about Canadian 'institution' Tim Hortons.

Tim Horton was a Canadian hockey player who started a little coffee and donut shop when he retired from the game.

It has grown to become as much a Canadian symbol than the beaver, maple leaf or Mountie ever were. Seeing on in a foreign country is a home away from home for us. It's one of the things that sustains us through the long cold winters.

We would never declare war on anyone but try to touch our 'Timmy's' and you will see a side of us that you neither expect nor survive.

I don't drink coffee but I am a donut expert and their maple dipped or glazed donuts are heaven. Forty donuts holes (or Timbits) are the minimum I would ever order at one time. They are so good that the 'donut hole product (like Q-tips or Scotch tape) should be forever named a 'timbit'.

They are masters of flavour and texture. It's not just a bag of chips - it's an 'experience' each time. I wish there were more places here in Canada that you could get these products. I need to research where I can find them. Maybe there is a place in Vancouver that does online sales.

My 70 year old mother just discovered 'Canadian Bacon' the John Candy movie about an invasion of America by Canada and is laughing her ass off. This scene says all you need to know about us as a people.

I have no illusions that any of these things will change because they are mostly things that I hate and that list is always highly selective and personal. However, if you want the world fixed I think you should go with a big idea guy like me who gives much thought to these weighty issues.

1. That 'hello squeal' that women give each other when they first see each other. This is usually accompanied by the single or double cheek kiss. This is beyond irritating.

It's not like you haven't seen each other in years or one of you just returned from the dead. It's the most banal and phony of greetings and we guys have let you get away with it for too long.

It generates a vocal pitch that, if focussed, could drop a cloud of bats to the ground in mid-flight. It's almost as bad as those Vuvuzelas.

You married guys or guys with girlfriends are the most to blame because you KNOW how annoying it is but you don't say anything about her 'toning it down a little'. Watch two guys greet each other.

If they are close it's a handshake (one grip or pump) accompanied by a quick hug if you are comfy with that. If you don't know each other well it's a civilized 'hey' or 'how you doing?' accompanied by a backwards head tilt. Clean, simple and then DONE.

2. I have complained about this next one before - Teenage pregnancy shows like 'Teen Mom' or '16 and Pregnant'.

Why 16 as the base age for screwing up? Because it is at the focus point between immature horny boys and girls with stars in their eyes who want to live their whole lives in the exact second that they finally feel independence from their families - the point where their friends and what others teens think of them becomes the most important thing ever in their lives. The girls (who often are smart) all think the boy will want to share in the fantasy of playing 'family' but they never do.

The boys all cannot handle the way that being pregnant changes a girl and her priorities. She will do anything; cry, use guilt (over the way their life has changed) to get this guy to accept his new programming but the guys always fight against that.

Guys always are shocked to find that the girl they knocked up is not the same girl she was before. They can't put together that creating LIFE with another person would become such a big deal all of a sudden. Teenage hormones mixed with pregnancy hormones make girls very emotionally needy. That is a cup that no teen boy can fill and it is always a source of tension.

It's my own fault for watching these shows but I wanted to see if all this hype and attention these are getting in the popular culture right now was about.

Apparently having a baby to get on MTV is a powerful consequence of these kind of shows that glamorize having a baby young. Who knew that girls would only see what they want to see and miss the lesson entirely? Remember when we had those 'pregnancy pacts'? This is just as destructive to both the girl's, guy's and baby's lives.

Girls need to force birth control on their boyfriends no matter what the guy says or promises and more men need to hammer it into their sons that their whole futures and happy lives depend on decisions they make in their teen years. I am not saying we need to have abstinence rings or shit like that. If you want to fuck, fuck but be smart about it. The fact are out there. Educate yourself.

3. There is no longer an excuse for bad cosplay. You have seen the best and know the level you much reach before wearing that costume in public. If your look does not go with your physical features then it will always look 'off'. You really need to know which character you CAN be and you CAN'T be. For example, only strippers should wear that white Emma Frost costume. However, this can be largely compensated for by comic referenced exactness and imagination. These two G.I. Joe guys got it just right.

Note - If you have the body to DO Powergirl right it's sorta your duty to human civilization to wear that look at least once in your life.

4. This fear of SNOW. You do people REALIZE that you can buy mittens and a toque and boots with no-slip soles to make you ability to 'deal' with the snow easier, right?. They are not HIDING these valuable items from you in the stores so you CAN find them with just a little effort. The best part is these items can be used EVERY WINTER. You don't have to eat them when spring roles around and find yourself left needing them when the snows come.

First it was evolution that you didn't believe and now you refuse to acknowledge that the Earth has SEASONS and that the further you go North from the equator, the more likely it is that you might experience variations in temperature and precipitation.

If you got snow LAST year where you lived then there is a pretty good chance that you will get some THIS year and NEXT year. Dare I predict what will happen the season after that one?

For a race that has wiped out entire cultures and pushed many animal species to the brink of extinction by our relentless need to keep moving forward as the top of the food chain, somehow we feel powerless against an invasion of frozen water droplets falling from the sky.

Got me thinking about 'War of the World' by H.G. Wells. Like germs to the Martians, humans are laid low by the tiny snowflake. You don't have to surrender to it. You just have to learn how to DEAL with it.

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Calvin's Canadian Cave Of Cool Manifesto

I forever stand vigilant to protect this planet from the myriad of forces that are always against us. Be it the octopus, zombies, aliens or the robots my team of human agents, and our feline allies, circle the globe in a never ending struggle for human freedom.

I learn all I can on every subject that interests me. I especially enjoy ancient history because in the past there are valuable lessons to be found. Also, if I ever get my time machine to work properly, it would be good to know a bit about possible destinations and what to expect when I get there.

I greatly appreciate beautiful design. Be it manufactured or found naturally I am fascinated by the process of invention. I am attracted to the unique, the strange, the haunted. I like to share what I find on this blog.

And not let us forget the 'Cephalopod Menace' who, if allowed to, would wrap their tentacles around all that is good and pure in this life and crush it until it remained no more. They are creatures of pure spite. Hate is all they know. Death is all they do. They are our most ruthless and determined enemy.

So we fight. Selena has the celebrity contacts, the cat is ruthless and without pity, Roosevelt's ghost has the experience and I do the wetwork.

Fighting for the future of the planet doesn't have to be a chore, however. We can take the time to appreciate all that is cool in this world even as we cut the octopus into bite sized chunks.

This is the reason there has always been and must forever be, a Cave of Cool. Be sure to wipe your feet before you enter.