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Monday, 29 August 2016

The evilest fish: Top 10

Do barracudas nourish feelings? Do triggerfish have ethics?We don't give a damn!People look for key words like evil fish and killer sharks and ugly marine monsters. This is the story. In the name of the web-democracy we will feed all your atavistic fears!

10 - Grey moray
Won't kill you, they have small mouth and teeth, but they are evil. Many will tell you that grey morays are shy and do not ever come close. Fortunately they are not poisonous, but if you fear them, or you are the kind of guide telling your divers that they are shy... they would do their best to make you feel like shit.

9 - Sergeant Fish
Do you love feeding fishes? Do you feel exited by throwing handfuls of ends in the sea to get all the fishes teaming around you? Expect all the sergeant of the neighbourhoods to come and claim their share biting your calves, your feet. If someone tears your pubic hairs in the water... well, it is not a beauty farm's advert either...

8 - Napoleon wrasse
Here's another one that would not be so curious about divers if some diver did not misbehaved. The Napoleon approaches you because of the exotic food your fellow divers gave to him. Chicken eggs. Boiled. Well, the big fish wear a calf face, but has a powerful telescopic mouth that can crush coral heads. And golf balls. Napoleno fish does bite.

7 - Grouper
You did not expected it here, right? If you feed the wild animals your practice gets back just ingratitude, and the grouper is the worst of the ungrateful: it sucks the food and there is no way a grouper is going to loose the grip. Its many rows of teeth and its powerful jaws. so expect a beautiful glove overturned... with your own skin! The salt water on the raw flesh is memorable experience .

6 - Barracuda
A true myth of evil with a perfect physique du rôle, you look at him and say he is a bastard in! Its nastiness, as in all previous cases, is proportional to the amount o food scattered in the water to attract fish in order to make you a nice selfie. The best results are obtained by spraying melted cheese with pressure cans. Seeing is believing!

5 - Titan Triggerfish
Here's one ugly and bad. The titan triggerfish when protects the eggs attacks anyone who approaches the cone. The cone lay its vertex on the nest and gets wider towards the surface. But those of Woodhouse Reef chase out divers of their territory for hundreds of meters, up to Jackson Reef. It seems that they gnaw the shamandoura's to send boats to crashing against the reef.

4 - Torpedo
You are precious surgeon? A missionary? A benefactor? Torpedo does not give a damn. If you touch it gives you a shock of up to 30 amperes and a voltage of 50 to 200 volts, with an effect similar to that of the famous hairdryer in your bathtub: it can can stun you or kill you by frying you straight away.

3 - Clownfish
Nemoooo ???? Yes, and luckily for you it is small!
Do not be fooled by his appearance and the Disney film. Nemo is territorial and brutally aggressive. Divers often hypothesised of a Post-Fukushima clown fish, a fucking mutant two meters long. Only the hypothesis would freeze the blood in a whale shark, or in a skin-diver with a gun in hand. Here is the Orange Avenger of the Reefs

2 - Stonefish
You see a sort of camouflaging cluster of warts, a white mouth bouncing here and there on the reef waiting for distracted victims to kill... if you ever see anything of him.
Here it is, he does not care who you are, who you vote for, if you have the Porsche in the garage or if you like Donald Trump. It does not give a shit that you are not edible: if you touch it you may find yourself praying that someone will cut that part of your body off. A good reason not to dive naked!

1 - Villainnaut
Did you expect the shark to be here, right? No way! The Villainnaut fully deserves the first place in the Top-Ten. As a perfect ignorant of the rules and diver signal, he strikes divers randomly and without warning, he is just following the unfair outlines of his arrogant ego. In short it is a (very ugly) kind of surface that makes victims chopping them with a sharp propeller. Definitely out of control, the Villainnaut is the fiercest among those around the sea.

Now you will say: but he is not a fish!!!!
It is plain that it he is not, but if we write 'marine species' the web-democracy does not give a shit, and the web people and the search engines will ignore us... and the message will die!