Golden Slinky

Inside every high achiever is a bored, distracted child just waiting to pop out like a jack-in-the-box as soon as it sees an opportunity. One of the hidden benefits of the corner office is the privacy that allows the occupier of that office to play with whatever they want while the door is closed. A golden slinky carries the right amount of gravitas for a man or woman of power, and it’s far from the most embarrassing thing they could be caught playing with if someone opens the door unexpectedly.

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Your boss has carved their individual signature into the business, leaving an indelible mark that has become a permanent emblem on the corporate history, influencing and directing its financial success. You’re not going to give them some run-of-the-mill leather or paper bound journal you picked up at Walgreens. Right? It’s okay, you don’t have to admit it if you were. Just grab this one and thank your lucky stars we were there for you again.

It’s tough to find a gift for your boss that they’ll actually use. Rather than throwing your money away on some doodad that they’ll pretend to like and feel obligated to display, why not put your money to good use instead? Make a donation in their name to a cause that is dear to them. It’s a classy gift that actually makes the world a better place, plus it’s tax deductible!

If m&ms were a person, you would have choked the crap out of them by now because all they do is say the same thing over and over again. Thankfully, we now live in the infinitely customizable iCulture, where you don’t have to put up with that kind of nonsense anymore. Say everything you ever wanted to say, in the sweetest way possible.

If they're the type that's always scribbling notes, then they're the type that has a pile of them forgotten on their desk. Help get things organized with this bluetooth pen that saves a digital copy of everything they write.

For the coffee and donut addicts of the world, it’s hard to believe that anything could improve this heavenly pairing. But that will make it all the more mind-blowing when they realize you have indeed given them something that will take the experience to another level. This truly ingenious piece of kitchen/office-ware provides the perfect platform on which the two elements meet to create the true breakfast of champions. Because if you’re going to do it, you might as well do it right.

There’s no better way to spend your last few minutes before bedtime than reading about someone who’s smarter, more successful, and far more innovative than yourself. Inspiration, they call it. Give your boss the gift of understanding what they don’t understand.

If you can’t contribute to your boss’ mental health and stability, you can at least contribute a substance that makes mental health and stability feel irrelevant for a little while. And of all those substances, wine is the most socially acceptable and has the richest history. These labels allow you to put your gift in the proper context, and carry a tacit apology wrapped in disarming humor. Even if they don’t forgive you, they’ll at least know you understand what you’ve done.

Give your boss an excuse for his all-too-noticeable whiskey breath, and you might just save both of your jobs. Then maybe next Christmas you can provide a useful excuse for his erratic behavior, and he’ll love you like his own child. Never forget, there’s a beautiful solution to every problem.