The RedSquirrel Report

Thursday, August 10, 2017

This week, we are witnessing a war of words between President Trump and North Korea's potbellied dictator, Kim Jong-Un. North Korea has been testing their missiles, and threatening to nuke Guam, and Trump is threatening to retaliate.

Your bushy-tailed correspondent thinks this is a great opportunity. Un's eccentric father, Kim Jong-Il, had a history of kidnapping actors, and America has actors who promised to leave America if Trump won.

President Trump should make a deal with the NORK leader. If they don't nuke Guam (or anywhere else), we will send them Matt Damon and Rosie O'Donnell.

We are hearing this week that Un has about 60 miniature nuclear warheads that can fit inside their ballistic missiles. Perhaps Trump can reduce that number by sending Meryl Streep, director Michael Moore, or Communist Sean Penn to North Korea.

We can hold these actors to their promise to leave America, and President Trump can literally save the civilized world if he makes this deal. On top of that, the North Korean dictator can begin his very own collection of Hollywood actors. Everyone wins.

Thursday, August 3, 2017

Looking back, I realized that the American people let themselves down. The racists and misogynists took the right-wing extremist kooks to the voting booths en masse, while the majority of Americans were simply too fat and happy with the job I did as Secretary of State, and didn't bother to vote. The Obama coalition of undocumented immigrants, millennials, and unmarried women failed to carry me over the finish line. Oh, and the Republicans engaged in massive voter suppression.On theother hand, I learned that my team could have done a better job. The next time I run for President, I will make sure we don't ignore those flyover states. We really thought that I had Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania in the bag.Also, I was shocked to learn just how horribly biased and right-wing the news media could be. They caught and reported my every little misstep, and were instrumental in dooming my candidacy.Then, there was F.B.I. Director James Comey. Just before Election Day, he aired all my dirty laundry for the entire country to see. I believed that when my husband met with Attorney General Loretta Lynch on that airplane that I was in the clear.Finally, the Russians interfered with the election. They wanted a weak America, so they threw their support behind Donald Trump. I gave them 20% of our uranium, and they betrayed me because I'm a woman. Both Russia and America are very misogynistic places. I'm just glad that I had friends who donated to my candidacy in Saudi Arabia and Yemen. Those societies know how to treat women like me.Ultimately, America wasn't ready for a woman as President.

Thank you, you racist rodent.I am SHOCKED that many Americans are opposed to Sharia Law. It doesn't take a Rhodes Scholar to see that people who oppose Sharia Law are RACIST!If you oppose Female Genital Mutilation, you're a RACIST!If you oppose 'honor killing', you do so because you're a RACIST!If you oppose Muslims who freely exercise their religious beliefs to throw homosexuals off of buildings, you're a RACIST!If you oppose Sharia, but support The U.S. Constitution you are a RACIST!If you support the police, you're a RACIST!If you don't want the government to run all the businesses in America, you're a RACIST!If you wave an American flag, you are a RACIST to engage in such outrageous behavior!If you oppose race riots, you're a RACIST!Now, on to my next point. I appeared on that horrible racist Tucker Carlson's show on the always racist FOXNews. He had the nerve to ask me how I can be a multi-millionaire on a public servant's salary. Of course, I called him a RACIST!If you see RACISTS, call the Congressional Switchboard at (202)224-3121Thank you. Representative-for-life Maxine Waters

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Well, I'm runnin' for the Senate an' I cannot losebeating down commie libs and all that fake newsFind a nest in DC, chill like TrumpDems turnin' America into a third-world dumpI'm Kid Rock, I'll cut your income taxHard-workin' Americans, I got yer backI'm telling you now my opponent is toastShe looks like she saw a ghostI love The Stars n' Stripes, I love our nationVote for me, I'll cut over-regulationWhen I hit DC, I'll work for youFighting for normal Americans just like Kung FuRunning for Senate to serve all you regular Joe'snot special interests for big-government hoesBob Ritchie that is my nameI'm heading to DC.....I want to be your....Senator, babyIt's morning in America, Reagan's my heroSenator, babySendin' a message to the establishment NerosRunning for the U.S. Senate, babyServing the American people, that's what I'll doSenator, baby I'll fight against the pork barrel foolsYou'll hear Bawitdaba when I roll inI'll have a red tie and an American flag pinClean shaved, hair trimmed, I will look the partKid Rock is a red-blooded patriot at heartI 'll reach across the aisle if the time is rightBut if not, The American Bad-Ass will put up a fightI'll cut the government waste and all the fraudYou can take it to the bank, I am The Bullgod

CNN will be traumatized on Election Nightand Rachel Maddow will be turning ghostly WhiteAt my Election Night party we'll be raising a glassincreasing our majority, we'll be kicking their assNo kidding, We'll be winning,with our foot in the doorYou're my boss, I'll remember what you sent me there forI'll join the Freedom Caucus, CNN calls it 'The Far Right'I don't care what they say, They can go fly a kiteCause Freedom, We're gonna beat 'emDC players....We're gonna defeat'emI'll be working for the makers, not for the takersRaising Hell with the sanctuary city mayorsC'mon baby, Vote for me, I'll Rock the capitol with Cruz n' LeeI ain't no D, I'm no tax n' spenderI see Lady Liberty getting hurt, an' I just wanna defend 'herServe like McEnroe, inside the line for an aceGetting my message out to that conservative baseI'll fight against the deep state obamanation, thenon Sunday I'll appear on 'Face The Nation'SenatorSuit n' tie, and I'm clean shavedSenatorMaking sure your freeways are pavedSenatorReading 2,000 page legislation with my staffSenatorPortrait in my office of Robert TaftSenatorMe an' Trump will be Making America Great AgainSenatorMe an' Trump will be Making America Great AgainSenatorDC belongs to you an' me

Friday, July 7, 2017

TheRepublicans in Congress were passing resolutions every other week to repeal Obamacare while there was a Democrat in the White House to veto it.Now, with a Republican in the White House they can't seem to repeal this crappy law.