With the Olympic games only five days old, the mean old British press is starting to throw around the old “worst games ever” tag. (Really, what about Munich? That movie sucked.)

Well, guess what, you no-teeth having, sexless, emotionally repressed, pasty, violent, misogynist, imperialist, inbred bastards? WE’RE NOT HAVING THAT. Sure, there’ve been problems, glitches, as it were… And yes, the death of an athlete.

Of course, my response as a Canadian will simply be to go find an Englishman and do this to him, but my more level-headed compatriots in the Canadian press are using their word-fists to respond.

Bruce Arthur from the National Post had this to say, bringing up the Beijing Games by comparison:

Nobody judged the success of those Games on the fact that an estimated 1.5-million people were displaced for the Games, that censorship and human rights violations ruled the day, or that people who applied to demonstrate in the designated protest zones were immediately arrested, including 77- and 79-year-old grandmothers who were sentenced five years of re-education through hard labour.

Don Martin, for the Calgary Herald, was a lot less polite or reasonable; he was a lot less Canadian:

They complain of heavy-handed customs officials and no-nonsense security, which is a tad rich for a future Games host where police will have the right to enter homes without a warrant and Olympic officials can storm residences or enterprises near Games venues to search for protest material.

And then the knockout:

This silly war of trans-Atlantic words will continue if British journalists continue their campaign to maliciously malign a Games that is barely 100 hours old. Perhaps it’s a genetic disposition. After all, Utrecht University in the Netherlands recently found 40 per cent of British men suffer from a premature tendency which, unfortunately for them and their partners, is medically defined as an inability to last more than a minute in bed.