a mother's and daughter's journey with transformation, cancer, death and LOVE

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Monthly Archives: May 2013

A new awareness as i sit at the airport waiting for my flight to visit my daughter Julianna in New York: for years I asked the divine over and over how I could serve to the greatest degree possible, and this is what I’ve been given. Framing it in this way, that Elizabeth’s death can push me into greater service to others and to the divine, helps me and keeps me moving forward and inspired, feeling more grateful and hopeful. It’s helping me to shift back into a place of trust that all is unfolding as it is meant to.

I don’t know yet what this might look like in the future, but for now I’ll continue doing what I know to do each day, being with family, working with clients and writing as I can…

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” ~ Kahlil Gibran

This past week included the graduation of 4 young women I know from the University of Arizona, including my daughter Elizabeth’s best friend, who was also a creative writing major, and Elizabeth would have been graduating along with her, if she were alive. I attended her graduation with such pride and joy for her, an amazing and brilliant woman, grateful I could witness her commencement, and at the same time so deeply sad that Elizabeth was not there as well. In an amazing reading I had with a medium, (who contacts and shares messages from those in spirit) Elizabeth had communicated that she had “graduated” in the spirit world, and is completely joyful there. She even showed him herself with a diploma, which had been important to her, so that brought me some comfort.

On the heels of that tumbled Mother’s Day, my first without Elizabeth present. Again, it is filled with such a combination of emotion – gratitude for my daughter Julianna, whose 20th birthday it was that same day and sorrow that she was far away in New York; gratitude for being the mother forever to both of my inspiring, beautiful and amazing daughters, and to my own mother, for all the gifts I’ve received from her, including being born; and greater sorrow that Elizabeth will never again be with my on Mother’s Day, not in her physical form…

Elizabeth Blue and Lucia Maya ~ April, 2012

So I’ve been allowing this deep well of grief and mourning to bubble to the surface, and flow through. I’m aware that when I’m in it, I’m not clear enough to write, not clear enough to read through and select Elizabeth’s next pieces of writing that I so want to share here, and have to trust the process, trust the timing, not rushing or pushing, as much as I’d like to at times! This beautiful quote by Kahlil Gibran spoke to me and resonates deep in my being, and so I hope it speaks to you as well.