I am the car business, I very much appreciate this thread. It is slightly a form of comfort to know these people do this elsewhere and not just at my work!

I so agree with you. I work at the Alley Theatre in downtown and this old crazy lady comes up to the window and asks to buy tickets, and i asked her for her phone number, adress, and name because we need to create an account to order the tickets under, thats the way our operating system works, and she goes "let me guess next your gonna ask me the color of my lexus!!!!" and my manager over heard this and came up to her and said "yes mam what color is your lexus?" and she got sooo mad lol. just grumpy.

After reading some of the stories I couldn't help but post one of mine. (Its off topic)

In college I worked at a furniture store. One day a guy comes in red in the face. He said that he bought and paid for a bedroom set 4 months ago and that nothing has been delivered. The manager looks at the receipt and tells him he's got the wrong store.

The guy doesn't believe the manger. So the manager takes out one of our receipts and shows him that the name and address of the our store does not match what is on his receipt. Instead of accepting that he made a mistake the guy gets even angrier and accuses him of presenting a fake receipt in order to scam him. He finally leaves yelling and screaming to himself as he walked out the door.

The kicker is about 3 months later the same guy filed a small claims against the store. the manager told us that when the case actually when before the small claims judge the guy was literally laughed out of courtroom. The judge had trouble dismissing the case because he had such a fit of laughter he could speak clearly.

1) a customer comes in and I say something along the lines of "hi, how are you doing today" or "what can i do for you", and the dumb redneck just replies, "555-1234!" Really?! Thats what I can do for you???
OR
2) when i politely ask for their phone number, they reply, "5647" like I'm supposed to know the first three digits of their f***ing number. We have 3 different number choices before that, and I'm supposed to go all psychic and KNOW it??? Grrrr.....

"Do you guys have used phones that i can buy to hold me over until im eligible?"

"no, we dont sell used phones sir"

"What kind of carrier doesnt sell used phones?!?! Where can i get one?!"

"A garage sale........have a nice day."

Oooh I was still green when this happened to me... I had an older man come into the store. He'd lost his phone and didn't have insurance and wasn't eligible to upgrade, and this was before we had early upgrades and such. We went through the whole mess of how much a full retail phone costs and how much phones can cost on eBay (he was appaled that he would have to sped any money at all, let alone more than $100 for something similar to what he had). Well, I had just upgraded my phone so I asked my manager if I could give him my old phone. I told the guy to come back over the weekend and I would bring him in my old one, which was a MUCH nicer model than what he had (we're talking a $300 phone at full retail). I also told him that there was no guarantee that I still had the home charger for it, so he may have to buy one, but I would also give him an extended battery and holster I had for it, since they were no use to me.

So he comes in on Saturday, I activate my phone for him, and get him all set to go. Then, sin of all sins, I tell him that I did not, in fact, have the charger anymore, so that was the only thing he would have to buy, which would only cost him $30.

He starts yelling at me.

Phone at full retail: $319.99
Extended battery: $59.99
Holster: $19.99
Lack of charger: -$29.99
Having another customer give me a hug after the guy leaves: Priceless

A young man comes in and states that he upgraded his phone less than a month ago, but he lost it. He asks me to get him a replacement. Well, he has insurance so I provide him with the Asurion brochure and tell him to contact them and they will ship him a phone. He decides that he doesn't want to wait for a phone and that he wants to upgrade again. So I review the full-retail pricing for an upgrade and he gets upset. He comes out with this "I pay such and such a month and I shouldn't have to pay for a phone" routing that I hear all the time. Well, I educate him about the upgrade policies and he decides that he doesn't want to go that route....

the next thing he suggested just baffled me....

Since he was still within his 30 day worry free guarantee period he suggested to me that we return his old phone, reset his contract and then he can upgrade again.

Me: I thought you lost your phone.

Customer: I did.

Me: Well, if you don't have the phone, then you can't return it.

Customer: Why?

Me: In order for us to process a return, then you need to have something to return. Since you lost your phone, that means that you don't have anything to return.

Customer: But I'm still within my 30 days and I was told I have 30 days to return the phone for any reason.

I had to spend the next 10 minutes trying to explain to him that he can return it within 30 days for any reason except for damage and loss. I would have thought that not having the phone would be an obvious hindrance to returning it, but he disagreed.

He finally left the store out of frustration with me....and he STILL thought he should be allowed to return his lost phone!

Reminds me of the many customers who would come in, complaining about an issue with their wife's, daughter's, husband's phone, etc., and wouldn't have the handset with them!

It always went the same way:

Cust: I'm having (whatever issue they had) with my (insert relative here)'s phone! I pay $xxx.xx per month and I want this fixed NOW!

Me: Ok, let's see the handset.

Cust: The whaaaat? (like they have no clue what a handset is)

Me: The phone. The one you are having the issue with.

Cust: (Always the incredulous look like it was the height of absurdity that I would need the handset to diagnose the problem) Well my (insert relative here) has it! They can't be without it! I can't bring it.... here (always "here" like we were standing in a garbage dump).

Me: Riiiight. So I thought that the handset didn't work?

Cust: Weeelll, it works a little. (Early on, I would do a face/palm smack, later, I just came to expect this)

Cust: So you're telling me I just drove (always a bazillion miles) out of my way and lost $xxxx.xx (always the GDP of France) for you to tell me that you can't help me without the phone being here?

Me: (oh so satisfied, but still professional) Yep.

I don't understand customers and this phenomenon. Would you go to a mechanic to have your car looked at in your wife's car? Would you go have a haircut and then explain, oh, it's my son's hair I want cut, not mine, but he is at Little Leaugue, I figured you could just cut it from here?

Customer comes in to start a prepaid phone line. First, asks me to lie to her kid saying we don't have the env2 in stock since she couldn't afford it. I am like fine whatever. She then says she only has $35.00 in cash and cannot spend any more than that. Wants our cheapest prepaid phone ($19.99) and the $10 txting plan for prepaid.

Some of you may know this, but for the ones who dont, prepaid "phone in boxes" (prepackages prepaid specific phones) come with $10 of airtime preloaded on them. The cheapest amount to add minutes to a prepaid is $15.00 (plus tax).

I activate the phone with the included $10.00 and didnt add any additional minutes because she didnt have the money to do so... she asks if she can use a charger for her sons old phone so he can get the numbers off of it.. then she asks if she can just take the charger and leave... the whole time the kid is yelling at her because he isnt getting an env and demands her to take him back in a few days to see if we have them in stock.

she finally leaves and calls later and flips on me becuase she cant use any minutes and demands to know why i didnt add any minutes on.

"Ma'am" (i only call people ma'am when they annoy me).. "You told me you physically had $35.00 on you. The phone was $20. If I added the cheapest minute plan, for $15.00, that would be at $35 before tax, and you did not have enough money."

Needless to say she flipped and was saying this was so stressful and nothing has gone right from the start (She ported her number, took 20 minutes to go through because she had to call with the sprint account number). so flipping, she says she i gonna call customer service and wants to know how long it will take for me to process a return.

So in other words, she was yelling at me because she didnt have enough money to put minutes on her phone. winner!

Man: I ordered a jawbone and I mated it with my phone and it worked great! But then, I'd take one call and I'd have to mate them back up again! Now they won't mate at all...
*phone muted so I could giggle uncontrolably...
then we got it all taken care of

of the things I've heard..."mating" your phone and bluetooth was a new one for me!

So, not the phone industry, but here is my story...
I am an Assistant Principal and had a parent yelling at her kid tellin him he needed to straighten up. She then told him he was barking up the wrong road...????!!!!!!????(I think she meant tree.)
I turned to get my composure and while I was doing that, she said that when he comes back to school, he needed to do a 90 degree turn??!!??!! (180 or maybe she only wanted him to turn half way arround) There was nothing else I could say to him... I was speechless.

Why can't Johnny read? Because this ^^^^ was the assistant principal at his school. Sorry, but until you get a handle on junior high school level punctuation and grammar, you're just a product of the same school system as 90 degree mom.

I strongly recommend investing in a copy of Elements of Style by Strunk & White.

A few typical cases where the customer on the phone is actually on the phone he/she is calling in reference to. So when you ask the customer to take the battery out of the phone, the call mysteriously ends.

Being from the midwest, I always get good laughs out of southern customers (no offense to anyone from the south), words like "mash" and "cut on/off" are always good for a chuckle.

I had a kid in with his parents yesterday. He had a green EnV and we needed to do a warranty replacement on it.

I said to him, "You're in luck. We got some on our shipment today. We didn't have any yesterday."

I swear, this kid looked at me and just kind of wailed, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" like I'd told him I'd run over his dog or something. His parents cracked up IMMEDIATELY.

I said, "Jeez, I've never seen someone so distraught over a replacement!" We all started laughing... it was so funny, just having someone yell out NOOOOOOOOOO in the middle of a store with such passion...

Why can't Johnny read? Because this ^^^^ was the assistant principal at his school. Sorry, but until you get a handle on junior high school level punctuation and grammar, you're just a product of the same school system as 90 degree mom.

I strongly recommend investing in a copy of Elements of Style by Strunk & White.

Hit a nerve with someone. Sorry if this was your kid. Didn't know I was turning this in for a grade!

I work for the IT department at my school, got a priceless phone call today.
"I turned my machine on today and everything looked fine but I can't get onto the internet or check my email"
"Did you check your data connection just to make sure nothing was jostled"
"yes and it's fine"
*after some more failed troubleshooting*
"ok I'll bring down a new ethernet cable yours may have gone bad"
"is that the cable that comes out of the wall, because it's unplugged?"
so how did you check your data cable again if you don't know what it is??

I have to mention the crazy woman that called me because the government was following her in a black van and it's our fault because we let them. Also there was the drunk man that wanted me to replace his 8350 because his son sat on his first phone and when he did an ESN change to his old samsung he threw it up against the wall when he was "mad at his old lady." So, I offered to sell him a 5500 for something like $149.99, he said he didn't want to buy a phone, so we talked about his $155 ETF. So he said to cancel it... I asked him... "you do realize the cost of the phone would be less expensive than the ETF?" he went on and on about yes, but he didn't want to pay for a service he wasn't using, I offered overnight shipping for free, he wasn't taking it. My supervisor had to come over by me and almost took the call but I finally got the man to agree to get the 5500.

The tour was announced today officially as being available on verizon on the 12th.

I walk into the nearest VZW store and ask if they will be getting the Blackberry Tour on the 12th like i read. The nice young lady just cocked her head, and replied "the blackberry what?" I calmly replied, "the blackberry tour, it has been announced officially by verizon for release in the coming month." blank stare. She then proceeds to give me immense amounts of attitude and tells me the only info i could possibly find is online...

Am i crazy for thinking that since the device is now official they should at least know something? lol

The tour was announced today officially as being available on verizon on the 12th.

I walk into the nearest VZW store and ask if they will be getting the Blackberry Tour on the 12th like i read. The nice young lady just cocked her head, and replied "the blackberry what?" I calmly replied, "the blackberry tour, it has been announced officially by verizon for release in the coming month." blank stare. She then proceeds to give me immense amounts of attitude and tells me the only info i could possibly find is online...

Am i crazy for thinking that since the device is now official they should at least know something? lol

maybe, maybe not. We just offical notification in the call center today. Takes awhile sometime to get offical notification to all all outlets and people.