Because I know that we’re all on the edges of our seats for the release of Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom, Vivid Video has a new trailer available on its website that boasts other such celebrity sex tape superstars like Kim Kardashian, Mindy McCready, Chyna, Shauna Sand, Carissa Shannon, Paris Hilton, Pamela Anderson, Montana Fishburne and Vince Neil, among others. And just like all of those other celebrity sex tapes *wink, wink, wink, wink* this one was totally never meant to be seen by the public.

Now, in order to view the trailer, you have to go to the Vivid website, which is obviously NSFW. So again, I’ll warn you that if you click the link to go to Vivid’s website and watch the trailer for this sex tape/pornographic film, the site is very NSFW. But if you can’t click on this link right now, here’s the most important thing you need to know:

So, you know, just your average anal sex squirter p0rn starring a reality TV actress passed off as a leaked sex tape starring a real porn actor. God, what a wonderful time to be alive.

Hey now, let’s not, I mean, uh, let’s not rule out any of the, uh… there is room in the glorious range of human sensuality… I mean, obviously, between a woman and a consenting adult dog… Not that I’d want to watch that but, hey, at least the dog might not be French.

[i]So, you know, just your average anal sex squirter p0rn starring a reality TV actress passed off as a leaked sex tape starring a real porn actor. God, what a wonderful time to be alive.[/i]
Sounds like 99% of the so-called amatuer pr0n

Well, there goes my chance to introduce porn into my relationship. “But sweetheart, this is the down-on-her-luck girl from Teen Mom 2 making money to support her family” is a much easier sell than, “So, uh, do you mind if we rewind that gush again?”

Nope, definitely not. Believe it or not, teen moms don’t have very deep pockets. If you get on a reality show and you make a squirting anal sex tape with James Deen, I’ll write about you too. Sorry, those are the rules.

Well, it’s really more of a pouch than a pocket. I mean, in terms of volume anyway we’re talking babies. Imagine a German fairy tale: would the evil witch stealing a child stuff them in a “pocket” or a “pouch”?

I wonder if the person who did the design for the cover is happy with how his life turned out. What are the art design sessions like? Something out of Mad Men? “But there’s more to her than that. She has a child. She has a secret. And she squirts!”

There was a time when we’d all be breathlessly waiting in excitement for an upcoming “leaked” celebrity sex tape starring someone who’s at least semi-attractive. Now everyone is so cynical and black hearted they don’t care that she’s taking it in the dumper and this will likely be the best celebrity sex tape ever (low bar, i know) and only care about pointing out how stupid and money hungry she is.