HOW TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE

A Fatal Conversation Blunder that Kills the Connection with People

When you hang-out with people, is it your aim to really and truly connect with them at a deep level?

If so, have you ever thought about what is responsible for creating those connections?

What’s the root cause behind them?

And are aware that people make a fatal blunder in their conversations that destroys any chance of these kinds of meaningful connections, and they do it without even realizing it?

Would you like to know what it is, so you can be prepared to handle this situation whenever it comes up in your conversations?

We’ll get to that shortly, but first:

What are the “building blocks” of connections?

What kind of communication do we need to be put into a friendship or relationship in order for a connection to be established?

If you put some thought into these questions, how likely is it that you’ll come to the conclusion that what’s responsible for connections is that two people hear and understand each other?

If you’re an observant person, haven’t you already noticed that most people are just eagerly waiting for their chance to talk when they’re in a conversation?

But if we take that approach, how can we hear and understand others?

And if we don’t do that, how can we establish connections with people?

Let me ask you this:

Have you ever had someone bring up a topic into the conversation with you two or even more times, and you just wrote it off or let it slip by without addressing it?

You know, maybe they made a small mention of something that was going on in their life several times in a short period of time?

If you have had this happen to you, did you know that it came about because you were actually making a “mistake”?

Which is what?

Well, did you know that when people really want to talk about something that’s important to them, they will drop a cue about it into the conversation?

And have you ever noticed that if you don’t pick up on it the first time, they will drop it again and maybe even again?

Even though they won’t tell us directly, what are they really communicating to us when they do this?

Isn’t it something like this:

“Look, this is a very hot topic for me. It’s important to me, and I really, really want to talk about it with you – if you’d just pay attention and consider what’s of importance to me.”

When people repeatedly drop these kinds of cues into our conversations, they’re giving us a hint that if we actually cared about them we would pick up on their hint and start asking about what they introduced into the conversation.

Because guess what?

When people do this, they’re dying to talk about whatever they brought up. They want to share their experiences and opinions on the topic with you. And they want to experience the connection that comes along with discussing meaningful things in each other’s lives.

For example, if a friend says, “So I had my big date yesterday.”

If you respond by saying something like, “Oh, hey! I had a pretty good date the other day too. We went to…” Then you might go on to talk about it.

What you’re likely to find is that after you’ve hogged the entire spotlight (and annoyed them), they’ll bring it up again: “So anyway, I had my big date yesterday.”

If you still don’t pick up on their hint and ask them about it, you likely already have them thinking you’re either a socially inept person or someone who doesn’t really care about them – two things you probably don’t want, right?

So I encourage you to be alert when you talk to people.

If someone brings up the same topic twice in a short period, it means you missed the cue the first time around and they’re giving you a second chance to pick up on it and really connect with them by talking about it.

But if you find that you’ve getting the hint three times or even more, you can bet that they’re probably a little annoyed at how imperceptive you are and their opinion of you has probably been lowered.

Remember, connections are established by hearing and understanding, especially on common ground. What’s to be heard and understand is important personal experience.

If you can pick up and draw out the experiences in peoples’ lives that are very important to them, you will have no problems creating connections with people.

So I urge you to keep these ideas in mind over the coming days and weeks and months.

If you notice someone keeps hinting at something by repeating a cue that should lead to a conversational thread, your radar should be going off. It should be saying: “ALERT! This person wants to talk about this subject with me very badly, and if I fail to address it not only will they be disappointed in me, I will have sacrificed the ideal situation to build on the connection.”