Collective Voice: How to deal with negative people

Grade 9 students in the Collective Voice program at Aden Bowman Collegiate share their lives and opinions through columns. Selected columns run each Monday in The Saskatoon StarPhoenix.

If you’re in high school, chances are you have someone who affects your life negatively.

We all know this kind of person, but not everyone knows how to deal with it. I have dealt with this myself, and people have asked me for advice. When they do, I show them this anonymous quote:

“When a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you. The misinformation will feel unfair, but stay above it, trusting that other people will eventually see the truth, just like you did.”

Admittedly, the word “toxic” is a bit severe to describe other teens, but I think it is fair to say that all of us encounter negative people in our social circles who make others feel worse through veiled insults, gossip, or manipulation. For the sake of this article, let’s call these negative people “downers.”

Downers can cause a lot of stress and anxiety in your life. So how do you get rid of it? Remove the source. It may seem impossible, and you may be afraid of the consequences, but trust me, it’s worth it. As the quote says, “they will try to control how others see you.” They will spread lies, but you must trust in those around you. If your friends believe them, then they aren’t truly friends.

This can cause sadness and anger, so my first tip is to find a support system. Whether it’s an adult, a friend, a counsellor, whoever, just find someone you trust and can confide in. Having a person to support you can be immensely helpful.

Then it’s time to cut the downer out of your life. I have come up with two strategies. The first is just talking to the person. Make sure you never converse about it online, because they can take your words and shape the meaning to make themselves look like a victim, and you the oppressor.

Instead, go out to lunch, just you and them, and talk about it. Don’t get mad — just tell them the issue you’re having and ask them to stop. If they react positively, keep an eye out for change; a true friend will. If things stay the same, or if the person reacts negatively to your talk, that’s when it’s time for the second strategy.

The key to ending a bad relationship is distance. Don’t confront the person and make it some big thing, don’t involve other people, and don’t go around telling others how terrible the person is. If you do that, you have become the downer.

No, all you have to do is slowly back out of that friendship. Begin to hang out with them less, or just text them less. If they get mad at you, just tell them you have been busy. If they still get upset, remind both them and yourself that they don’t control your life.

It won’t happen overnight — it’s a process; but distance will remove a downer from your life. Most people have someone who negatively affects their life, but I hope that this guide will teach you some ways to remove that negativity. You don’t need it. Stay positive.

Comments

We encourage all readers to share their views on our articles and blog posts. We are committed to maintaining a lively but civil forum for discussion, so we ask you to avoid personal attacks, and please keep your comments relevant and respectful. If you encounter a comment that is abusive, click the "X" in the upper right corner of the comment box to report spam or abuse. We are using Facebook commenting. Visit our FAQ page for more information.

Almost Done!

Postmedia wants to improve your reading experience as well as share the best deals and promotions from our advertisers with you. The information below will be used to optimize the content and make ads across the network more relevant to you. You can always change the information you share with us by editing your profile.

By clicking "Create Account", I hearby grant permission to Market to use my account information to create my account.

I also accept and agree to be bound by Postmedia's Terms and Conditions with respect to my use of the Site and I have read and understand Postmedia's Privacy Statement. I consent to the collection, use, maintenance, and disclosure of my information in accordance with the Postmedia's Privacy Policy.

Postmedia wants to improve your reading experience as well as share the best deals and promotions from our advertisers with you. The information below will be used to optimize the content and make ads across the network more relevant to you. You can always change the information you share with us by editing your profile.

By clicking "Create Account", I hearby grant permission to Postmedia to use my account information to create my account.

I also accept and agree to be bound by Postmedia's Terms and Conditions with respect to my use of the Site and I have read and understand Postmedia's Privacy Statement. I consent to the collection, use, maintenance, and disclosure of my information in accordance with the Postmedia's Privacy Policy.