Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Last night Gordon Brown set his priorities straight as new leader of the Labour Party and Prime Minister of Great Britain. "What I really want to do," announced the ashen-faced Scot at a conference of London's leading press, "is offer my support to Presidential candidate, Jake Gyllenhaal. He's my choice, and I also know he's the choice of the British people. I look forward to working with him in the future."

When reporters asked why the new PM was so taken with Gyllenhaal, he answered, "He obviously has the most experience out of all the candidates, having dealt first-hand with such pressing issues as global warming, gay rights, Middle Eastern wars and imaginery rabbits. All this, despite being techincally too young to run. All the other candidates are tosspots and have shit MySpace profiles." When challenged by a journalist from The Times, who debated whether Presidential candidate Jake Gyllenhaal even had a MySpace page, Brown simply responded, "Oh, DOESN'T HE?". He then flashed the already amazed press his underpants and skipped off stage.

32 comments:

Anonymous
said...

The new PM's acute knowledge of political strategery makes him very shrewd! It's a well known secret that were Jake to run for PM in the UK, he would win! No contest!!! Even the Scots are unanimously for him!(The idea of Jake in a kilt...O.M.G.)By endorsing Jake to be President of the USA, the PM is sending a message to Jake, very politely, to stay on your own side of the pond. What the PM doesn't realize is Jake running for President is only a first step. Once elected, he will rewrite the US Constitution so he can also run for PM in the UK...and he will win! Is it true Jake has picked "This Is Why I'm Hot" as his campaign song???

I worry that this Boo issue could bite our boy in his glorious ass.It's a scandal waiting to happen.Some enterprising reporter will dig it up and then BOOM! The entire world will find out that Boo went off on his own, carried away with his popularity on MySpace, and is now in rehab following a stint as a poledancer. It shouldn't have ended this way. And throwing a fundraiser for Jake at a strip club showed a lack of judgement. Shame on Boo!

Maybe Jake is making interviewers sign a release before he meets with them: No one is allowed to ask about Boo. No one. Even though it's the question that's uppermost in any true Jake fan's mind: What was the ultimate fate of the coppery-coated puggle who occasionally gave evidence of a high energy level & a trace of attention deficit disorder?

All these stars were probably offered deals and a free trip to Idaho to check out the development on the lake. But it scares me. I feel like Jake might be getting really fed up with the intrusions in his life and the lives of his friends and family and is looking for a place to run away and hide. I already go crazy when I haven't seen any pictures of Jake for more than five days. If he disappears into the Idaho wilderness for weeks at a time, I will really be in total withdrawal. Hopefully, he will hate feeling so totally isolated and only spend a few days there when he needs to regroup....if he in fact buys any property. We went on a free trip to Florida back in the day to look at condos. We never bought one.

Hopefully, he will hate feeling so totally isolated and only spend a few days there when he needs to regroup....if he in fact buys any property.

First off, that's an incredibly selfish thing to say. Jake is an entertainer, but he fulfills his obligations to entertain us with his movies and that's all. He obviously has no interest in selling himself to the public as a "celebrity" as so many others do. Mark my words, he has some reservations about the celebrity lifestyle and if he wants to step away from it, I applaud him. It's not exactly the healthiest environment.

Which brings us to Point 2. You know what we do? We entertain you for him. You're here because you like him and even when he's not around (which is most of the time) we always have something available. That's why it's incredibly disheartening to spend the time that we do on these projects only to have you ignore them and talk about how you're upset when Jake doesn't show up in paparazzi pictures for a few days. For God's sake he doesn't exist purely for your entertainment. This site, however, does.

I know we're a really poor substitute for the real thing, but this site was built on the idea that people could come together and have fun with Jake. It bothers me that people's happiness as fans is becoming dependent on knowing what he's doing at all times. This isn't the first comment along these lines and I'm sure it won't be the last, but that's not what we're about and I'd rather we concentrate on what we have right now and not what we'd like to have, especially at the expense of Jake's privacy. There are other sites on the internet for discussing his every move; hell, you can do it in the forum. But this blog respects his privacy.

I mean, Jesus Christ, look at the MySpace page! It's fucking brilliant! And I'm not just saying that because I did it... ;)

Of course the "Jake in 08" page is brilliant, it looks like you spent hours and hours on it. It's magnificent! Jake Watch and everything you write is such a marvelous gift, I sure hope you know that there are hundreds of people who love you for it.

Maybe anon 1:24 just wrote that comment in a temporary moment of insanity, as way to express his/her adoration of The Precious.

I know that I myself am pulled in two completely separate directions, on one hand I despise the paps for causing Jake to have little frown lines on his forehead from time to time :(. I would be ecstatic for Jake's sake if there were no more paps in his face, pointing video cameras at him every time they find him in public.....

But on the other hand, I am grievously guilty of scouring the web for hours on end, looking for pics and vids of His Hollywood Highness. E-mailing Steph at IHJ to ask if she has a particular pap video. He-llo?? how schizo is that?!!! I know these actions are not logical. One day I'm advocating one thing, the next day, the complete opposite. But it's Jake! So even though both motivations are completely contradictory, I can understand the dichotomy. (I think I'm addicted to Jake.)

PG I don't think that the comment anon 1:24 wrote necessarily detracts from his/her appreciation of this wonderful website. C'mon PG, don't you know how many people LOVE JakeWatch??? Thousands!!!

The Jake in '08 Myspace is awesome. I couldn't see it when I clicked on the link yesterday. Can't wait to read his campaign treasure, er, trail blog. Why does my brain keep linking 'treasure' and 'trail'. Can't understand it.

I love the MySpace page for Jake in '08!!! One thing: In the Bio blurb it reads he danced in his "skivvies" while with the Marines in Iraq. I think it was a g-string. (Skivvies are SO WWII!) And, I was wondering...with all the wonderfu pictures on the MySpace page, could you also include a picture of Jake being a soldier??? I think it would do nail down the pro-military vote. And if you actually SHOW him in his...skivvies...that would nail down the over 18 vote. I think that has to be the very best biography/resume of a candidate I have ever read!!!!! (I'm still traumatized by the fact he nearly drowned in the NY Public Libray!...and there was probably pee in that water!...)

Joyce, I had the profile privatized in an ill-fated ploy to get people to friend it so they could see what it looked like. Tragically, it was pretty much the worst plan ever. Hillary and Barack have both crossed the 100,000 mark and we have to catch up!!

Showerlady, you totally stole my post idea about Idaho!! :D Great minds... We might do it anyway. ;)

PG, you have to do it!!! I'm sure it will be hysterical!!! Think of my post as just a teensy preivew of yours. And the fact is, since geography isn't my strong suit, I often used to get the two mixed up! That was before I got so damned political and started working on campaigns...BTW: Is there a place where we can volunteer for Jake's campaign??? I'd like to be one of his handlers...

This is Jake’s PR team. Yeah, the ones responsible for the randomness of Jake’s representation on the Internet and for that sorry excuse of an official website. Guess what. All this is done on purpose! Our aim is to avoid drawing attention to Jake. That’s right. The guy is just too hot. He has way too many fans already. We cannot handle all this attention. Our other Hollywood movie star clients are complaining.

Now you come along and stir things up. First you set up this very popular blog. Then you prepare movie scripts. Then you set up a presidential campaign. Then, a MySpace page. Now we have politicians complaining to us about Jake ruining their chances at getting elected. When is this going to end, we ask? Do you have any idea how stressed we are?

Is this Gordon Brown person really your new PM, BPB? He looks like someone you might run into (literally) in the local neighborhood pub! After seeing that movie, The Queen,imagine her meeting Gordon for the first time as PM and he flashes his underwear at her! I like the notion of Jake ultimately running for PM. I mean, if someone has to flash their underwear, I think the Queen would prefer Jake to Gordon Brown. Besides, I think she is all warm and fuzzy ever since Jake presented her with that BAFTA.

ROFL! Jake definitely gets my vote (well he would if I was a US citzen and actually had a vote) He definitely has the best MySpace page out of all the candidates. Ok, I haven't actually looked at any of the othe candidates pages, but when you've seen the best you don't need to see the rest;)

Have to admit MySpace totally confounds me (must be my age), so I stay away from it mostly. Jake's MS looks wonderful though! Re the blurbs: what an interesting life this young man has led so far and please make sure to send me that special 'Man of the Year' edition of Time magazine when it comes out - the cover looks smashing!

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