Stephen King on ''24'' -- The Pop of King discusses the hit Fox show byStephen King

It's always annoying to be bumped by the front-of-the-book boys and girls(this column was slated to go last week, but then News & Notes ran ''Has 24Gone Too Far?''), but the additional time has given me a chance to refinethese 14 Lessons. Hell, even back-of-the-book guys understand that when itcomes to current events, the clock is always...but that's Lesson 1.

1. The Clock Is Always Ticking This builds suspense and rushes us past anyinconsistencies, as in season 3, where the subways, streets, and schools arefilled long after President Palmer has told everyone in L.A. to stay home.

2. There Are Enemies Everywhere They have homemade nukes, vials stuffed withlethal viruses, and Nuclear Power Plant Meltdown Devices (NPPMDs). Many ofthe enemies have prayer rugs rolled up in their closets and names likeBehrooz.

3. We Fight Back With American Technology The center of this fight is theCounter Terrorist Unit (CTU), filled with computers and run by a boss whonever stops saying stuff like ''Switch the A-4 booger-sucker node to kernel7 now!'' and ''Nobody goes home until we get these guys!''

4. The Technology Always Screws Up Those tracking satellites are especiallypesky, but the darn computers aren't much better; they always seem to befull of worms and viruses. I often wish that stoner guy would stroll in andsay, ''Hey, CTU dudes, don't worry! You're all gettin' Dells!''

5. The Management Ain't That Great Either Last year's boss (Tony Almeida)went in the crapper for putting his wife's safety above the welfare of thecountry. This year's boss (Erin Driscoll) has a schizo daughter with amorbid fixation on the 7-year-old next door. Erin also loathes Jack Bauerand dumped Chloe O'Brien, who seems to be the only tech (other than Edgar)capable of using CTU's off-brand computers and no-name software.

6. The More Chloe Pouts, the Better I can't wait for Chloe (underplayed withdeadly, delightful precision by Mary Lynn Rajskub) to return from exile. Whyis that?

7. Never Trust the President's Wife If you watched the first three seasonsand met Sherry Palmer, a smiling ogre who makes Erin Driscoll seem aschoolyard brat, no further explanation is needed.

8. Never Trust Smart African-American Women in General As last week's EWstory points out, they all seem to be high-riding you-know-what cutters.Sherry Palmer, seasons 1-3; Julia Milliken, last season; the currentMarianne Taylor; case closed.

9. The President's Advisers Are Monsters of Expediency Sherry Palmer isalways the best example of this lesson, but recently the man closest to thecurrent president advised that it would be better to scrag the hostagesecretary of defense (and his daughter) in a purposely botched raid ratherthan allow terrorists to put him on trial. Harsh! Last year, PresidentPalmer's brother wanted to snag Senator Keeler's debate playbook and latertook part in an abortive black-bag job that led to a murder-suicide. And,speaking of suicide:

10. On 24, Suicide Is Always an Option Mysterious and vaguely Middle Easternmusic preceding the act is optional (as just before Kalil Hasan offedhimself by running into a truck), but the act itself is always on the table.It's true that Ryan Chappelle couldn't quite bring himself to ventilate theold brain bucket (Jack Bauer considerately finished him off), and Secretaryof Defense Heller and his daughter Audrey were saved before they couldfinish sniffing the gas, but Julia Milliken turned the trick lastseason...and then there were all those hotel virus victims, lining up forso-long capsules. I kept wondering if they were swallowing them withKool-Aid while the Reverend Jim Jones told stories about his dear oldmother.

11. For 24 Hours, the Rule of Law Is Suspended There's no worrying aboutsearch warrants, Miranda warnings, any of that nonsense. Things are toodire. Everything is black-and-white; the good guys are all good and the badguys are superbad (Nina Myers, for instance, may be the greatest TV villainever). Certainly no one worries about a little torture with the fate of thecountry hanging by a thread. Jack Bauer never works over the wrong person,anyway. Although wouldn't it be great if, after shooting a guy in the legand then asking him who he works for, the guy screamed: ''I work for Dell,dude! I came to fix the crappy computers in this place! Please don't shootme in the other leg!''

12. In the Course of the Season, One Good Guy Will Get Killed Or ? as in thecase of Chase Edmunds ? will only get his hand chopped off.

13. In the Course of the Season, One Good Guy Will Turn Out to Be a Bad GuyThis is the Nina Myers Rule, and to 24 fans, it really needs no furtherexplanation. You can't call it the Tony Almeida Rule, because I had afeeling Tony would be back even before he turned up to save Jack andAudrey's bacon.

And finally...of course...

14. For One Day a Year, Jack Bauer Will Not Need to Go to the Bathroom for24 Hours But once those 24 hours are up, I bet he's in there for a long