Month: February 2017

Mardi Gras was truly an amazing experience. From conquering my fear of boats, walking down Bourbon street, eating beignets at café du monde, watching a jazz band at preservation hall,holding a baby alligator, meeting Flo Rida, marching in an almost 12 mile parade and completely embracing and falling in love with the New Orleans life and culture. And to add even more value to this almost priceless experience I got to spend it with some of my closest friends, and 2nd family. I’m truly grateful for all of the memories and amazing things that I got to experience this week.
Although the parade that was 5 hours and 12 miles long was: long and tiring and caused me so much pain, I would definitely go back and do it again. All of the people cheering, high fives, beads, and floats was such an amazing sight. The greatest feeling in the world is feeling completely exhausted and feeling like you can’t take another step or your legs will go out from underneath of you and playing one more note will make your lungs explode and you come around the corner and see the superdome, lit up, and full of thousands of people and realizing you made it, that you proved yourself wrong, because you really didn’t think you were going to make it.
This trip was a truly amazing experience and is one of the many reasons that I truly love and appreciate band. I really wish that everyone in high school got opportunities like this because it really impacts your life in so many ways.

This is for the best friend, parent, teacher, or other members of society that don’t really understand what it is actually like to have a real anxiety disorder.

I’d like to start off by saying, we know we sound ridiculous. We know that most of what we are saying or thinking makes no sense to you. To be completely honest with you, it doesn’t make a lot of sense to us either.

Anxiety and having an actual anxiety disorder is two completely different things. Having anxiety about having a test, or going to try out for a team or part in a play is a different type of anxiety then pretty much living in a constant state of panic and fear. Living with an actual anxiety disorder is overthinking things “normal people” wouldn’t think twice about. It’s getting nervous for every single thing, even for things that make us really happy. Living with an actual anxiety disorder is sleep for 2 days because we are so tired from having 3 or 4 panic attacks, to having 2 to 3 nights of no sleep because you stay up all night staring at the ceiling over thinking anything and everything. It’s learning how to calm yourself down in public, or finding ways to hide your anxiety from everyone. Having an actual anxiety disorder is trying to be rational with the crazy thoughts that are running through your head. It’s not being able to get out of bed some days because it feels like the weight of a thousand men are sitting on your chest and your thoughts are like a hurricane. It’s giving yourself a pep-talk to be able to get out of bed on the mornings staying in bed isn’t an option.

Living with anxiety is trying to find yourself under all the madness going on inside of you. It’s trying to keep control of your life, and not letting the anxiety control it. It’s trying to find a way to breathe and stay calm. Its simply trying to live as normal as possible.

This is school year I joined the power lifting team here at school. I was really nervous that I wouldn’t be able to lift that much. This would be the first school sport I would be playing, and for some reason that made me really nervous. But now as I’m sitting in a gym surrounded by hundreds of kids who have all fallen in love with the same sport, I could not be happier with my decision. Going into my first practice at the end of November with only 2 weeks to prepare for my first meet I was extremely nervous that I would not be good enough, or wouldn’t be able to get the right form to lift enough weight. Fast forward two weeks, the morning of my first meet I was so scared. I couldn’t stop moving, my stomach hurt so bad and i was nervous wreck. My first event was dead lift. Like I said, at the beginning of all of this i was so nervous i wouldn’t be able to lift enough. My first lift was 220 pounds. I got it, my nerves calmed a little. My second lift, 240 pounds. I got it. My coach decided to tell the judge my next weight without me knowing so i wouldn’t overthink it and doubt myself. That made me nervous because that means he sent me over my max. My third lift was 260 pounds. I got it up. My next event was bench, my highest weight lifted was 80 pounds. This gave me a total of 340 pounds. I wasn’t expecting to place because there were so many girls. When they got to varsity 185+ weight class, I wasn’t expecting my name to be called, but it was. I had gotten 3rd place at my first meet and couldn’t be more proud of myself. Since this is my first year I had no clue that there were school records for power lifting. On Monday at practice my coach came up to me and tells me that i broke a record from 2011 for a dead lift of 235 pounds on Sunday with my dead lift of 260 pounds. I instantly was in shock. Since then I’ve broken or reset the record 3 more times including today. Like i said i’m writing this well sitting in a hot gym surrounded by hundreds of people that have fallen in love with the same sport that i have, I didn’t mention that I’m in Michigan. Today I set a PR and reset or re broke the school record with 275 pounds. This sport has given me so much more confidence. I have learned that you can beat your goals as long as you push yourself to work hard enough. I have learned that most things in life that scare us or stop us from doing things is mostly mental, that it’s your way of thinking that helps you be successful. You have to believe you can, to do it.

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