Pages

Sunday, October 31, 2010

someone asked me that this morning and i honestly didn't have an answer.

what do you think is too old to go trick or treating? personally, i don't two shits if high school kids still do it, as long as they're dressed up. i think out of high school, you should have better things to do with your time... and so i think that would be my answer.

but some people think jr high is too old. and high school is definitely too old. i just know they're doing it for candy. i mean, who the hell doesn't want a pillowcase full of free mother f'n candy???? they aren't dummies. but a costume is a must. you know?

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

i 've said many times over the years of this blog that i'm not an author. it seemed like every blogger out there considered themselves a writer and they all had the same goal.... to get published.

that was never my intention.

don't get me wrong... i did have one idea in my head for writing a book, but i don't think i honestly thought i'd ever really write it.. or get past the first chapter.

so since i've been writing my book... it's been interesting living in my head. it's like suddenly, all these doors have opened. when i first started writing, i told myself that this was the only idea i had. that there were no more ideas in my head for other books. but then other ideas sprang to life. and not only does this book have another story to go with it..... but i have other stories in my head as well. it's been amazing how opening up my mind to writing has inspired other writing. (clearly not here at this blog though lately)

since i've never written a book before, everything about this process is new to me. the feelings i get when i write. how there is never enough hours in the day when you're really in a groove. how there are "boring" parts in your story that aren't necessarily exciting to write, but you know they have to be written. how hard it is to balance the needs of your family, with the needs of the ideas in your head constantly begging to get out and onto paper. the thoughts are relentless. they don't go away because you're tired.. or busy.. or have things to do. they will spring to life in the most inconvenient of places (the treadmill, the grocery store, in the car)- it's been fun though. because since finishing my first book, it's been BORING around here. it's weird.. it's like i didn't mind not working so much because i was constantly writing. since i've stopped writing my story, i miss it. i'm beyond bored without it. it's like my characters are all just sitting there patiently in my mind twiddling their thumbs, waiting to be put to good use again. and i've had to stop myself from writing their next adventure until i really try to edit and clean up their first one.

but oh, how i love them. the characters from my story. they have captured my heart and my mind. i think about them constantly. i want to share them with you because i feel like you will love them as much as i do. if i didn't like them so much, i would probably give up on getting published. but it's because i believe in them and their story... that i can't quit on them. (or me)

just to be clear, i don't think my book is 100% brilliantly written or incredibly amazing or anything like that. what i do think however, is that it's a really GOOD story. i think i need some editing help to make it GREAT. but i know it has the potential to get there.

and i want it to get there. so i submit to literary agents and get rejected left and right. and i'm sure i should be more affected than i am, but i honestly try my best not to take it personally. hell, i've been in the casting business for entertainment with voice over talent, and on camera talent. i know that if we don't choose someone, it isn't because they aren't talented or a good actor. it's usually more because they just aren't quite what we're looking for. maybe their hair is the wrong color. maybe the sound of their voice isn't quite right. so i think of it the same way when i get rejected. agents are looking for very specific things and i just didn't have it... for THAT agent. doesn't mean i won't have it for another, you know?

all i need is that one person to take a chance on me!!! to request the whole book, instead of just 1 or 2 chapters. (we all know the ending of the book has the most action and is the best!) and then i need that chance taker to believe in me. the same way that i believed in so many of the people i've worked with over the years.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

there has been a lot of talk lately about bullying... specifically about the bullying of gay, lesbian, transgender and bisexual kids in high school (and college) that eventually led to suicide, or attempted suicide.

it's awful to think that we are a society who are raising our children to hate other people simply because of who they are. it takes me back to being on the plane this past summer when i was flying back from new york. you all remember the boy scout that i told the importance of kissing well too, right? well what i didn't mention was the conversation(s) we had about gay people (it was relevant and he brought he up). and how he was vehemently against any person being gay. and how he said he'd never be friends with someone who was gay. and how he would know they were gay just by looking at them. i tried to explain to him that it didn't work like that. i tried to tell him that maybe one of his best friends right now was gay. and would he hate that person if he found out down the road that he was? his mind couldn't open enough to even comprehend that possibility. the concept was so "california" of me to even suggest to him. because of course, him being 15 years old, he knew everything and if one of his best friends was gay, he'd certainly know because he'd do something predictable like "talk funny" or "hit on" him constantly. i tried so hard to tell this boy that gay people were in fact, PEOPLE just like he and i were. i wasn't trying to change the entire way he was raised, i just wanted him to see past the prejudice a little and maybe, just maybe, have a small part of him accept that it would be okay if he was friends with someone who was gay.

no dice.

wasn't going to happen. but i tried. i was heartbroken many times during that flight when i spoke to that boy. i don't blame him for how he was raised. and i know that it has a lot to do with his parenting, his community, and his surroundings. i guess it's just so sad to me because i have a 12 year old son that i'm not raising that way at all. and i would hope that if he sat next to some stranger on a plane and that person talked to him about gay people, that he would respond with kindness and an open mind and heart. i can do my part by starting at home with my own son. and do my best to raise him to not judge anyone until you know enough about them to make a judgement. i don't care if he doesn't like someone, but he needs to have a reason for it. blake came home from school not too long ago and told me that he got into it with some older kids because they were picking on a kid with disabilities. he jumped in and shoved the older kids and told them to leave the kid alone.

he made me proud. because he did what was right. and he had the courage to not just watch it happen.... he had the courage to make it STOP. yeah, i think i'm doing okay when it comes to him.

i watched that show on MTV the other day called "if you really knew me"... and it was all about high school kids judging other kids based on how they look or dress. and this one girl was bullied so viciously that she wanted to stop coming to school. and she was only a freshman. i look back at my high school years and i don't remember ever feeling that way. it made me sad for her that she couldn't see past the people yelling at her and calling her names. that she couldn't see that she wasn't the names she was being called. she was better than that. but it's hard to not let things like that affect you. especially when you're that age and what people think of you means the world to your self esteem. it made me sick that the other girls calling her names, got off on making her cry. they loved the power and control they had. they enjoyed watching her crumble publicly. why is that?

and then apparently, when the school administrators are made aware that bullying is going on- many parents say the same thing- "the administrators say it's just normal teenage name calling and it will blowover." does that excuse fly when your child was bullied to the pointof killing themselves?

we have to remember that these kids are just that- they are still kids. they can't see past what is currently going on in their insecure, all about them, minute by minute bubble of a world. they can't see that tomorrow might get better. they can only see and think that tomorrow will be just the same as it was today. or maybe worse. they don't tend to see things as glass half full. it's glass half empty all the way. and the thought of things EVER getting better, when you have 3 more years of high school torturing to go??? i'm sure just the thought of 3 more years of trying to get through something seems impossible to them. they think they'll never be able to handle it. they can't project to a time when they are grown up, and working, and loving whoever they want to love, and they are surrounded be people who love and accept them. they can't get that far!!!

the administrators need to get involved. they HAVE to stop the bullying. it's not okay to make other people want to stop coming to school. or want to end their life. we can't just sit by and watch this happen to our youth.

i don't have the answers, but like i said... i'm starting at home. with my son... and his friends. whenever the opportunity arises for me to say something that will influence them positively and lovingly, i do it.

it's not that bullying or judging will ever go away completely. hell, even as adults we judge each other. right or wrong, we all have different opinions and thoughts....

it's just that school should be a safe place for our children to go- NO matter who they are. they should have a place that is safe and protected where adults are on their side. and the problem is, that's not what school feels like for those people at all.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

since i'm writing a book (okay, it's done, but i'm still in the process of making it better).. i started to wonder what kinds of books people like?

i know that for me, the book doesn't need to be written up to literary perfection standards for it to be enjoyed. i mean, let's face it- twilight wasn't written like some amazing work of art, but still millions of people loved it. because a book doesn't need to be "perfect" in literary terms to resonate with people. i liked twilight because i loved the story... the idea of what was happening.. the forbidden love.. i loved edward. and in all honesty, his character was enough to keep me reading. because of everything he did and said- i would freaking swoon constantly. i wanted my very own vampire (until the movies came out).

then i started thinking about other fictional books i like... and it's just the story. if something is written too complicated, i can't enjoy it because i spend the whole time trying to pronounce the words in my head correctly (and then wondering what the hell they mean). so i know that for me, i like a good love story. i like characters who don't annoy me. (for the record, bella was/is extremely annoying). i like when there is magic involved, or the idea of past lives, or something that takes the seemingly ordinary girl and makes her a little less. i'm not sure if i need to resonate with the female characters or not entirely, but something about them needs to make me wish i was a part of their world. know what i mean?

so what is it that you like? the story? the characters? all of it? think about the types of books you like and tell me what it is that keeps you reading... even during those slow parts. :)

Sunday, October 10, 2010

it's funny how things work out. or how things happen. we got a last minute call on saturday asking if blake could play up (on the older travel ball team) for a game that was almost 2 hours away. we pretty much dropped what we were doing.. (which was nothing) and headed out.

blake played great and hit the crap out of the ball, but that's so not the point of this post. after the game was over, we sat in the snack bar and blake ate some pizza. we got up to leave and he completely forgot his baseball bag. i didn't notice he didn't have it either...

until we got home.

i told him not to leave his bag in the car. and then he looked at me and said it wasn't in the car. i told him to think about if he remembered grabbing it from the snack bar or not. he said he didn't.

so his bag, with his baseball jacket and about 3 or so gloves in it... was left at the ballfield. a tournament ballfield, where everyone is there for the same reason. to play baseball.

but no one has turned the bag in yet.

and i'm shocked because it's not like he left it in a public park or something. he left it in a baseball stadium, where you have to pay to get in, and where everyone there is playing in games. they already have baseball equipment! so i don't understand where the bag went.

and everyone keeps telling me that i'm a complete idiot because "of course" someone stole it, but my mind... or maybe it's my heart... it won't let me go there. i keep thinking that maybe a coach grabbed it thinking it was one of his kids bags, and now he's stuck with it, because it isn't one of his kids bags. or maybe a parent grabbed it on accident. everything in my mind is an accident. i would never think that someone would blatantly steal a child's property. who wants to rob a kid of his glove??? and his bag??? who does that?

i know, i know, i'm naive.. or stupid.. or think too highly of people.

i just think it sucks. i'm really hoping that it still turns up. because i would never take a bag i saw lying on a chair at the tournament. i would assume the kid was still around... or that he forgot it and he'll be back to look for it right where he left it. i wouldn't take it. if anything, i'd turn it into lost & found, but in all honesty, i most likely wouldn't touch it at all.

it makes me really sad to think that someone might have stolen it purposely. but i'll hold out hope, until it all runs out, that it will still show up. because i believe in the goodness of people..

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

so i have a high school reunion coming up next summer. i am totally going. cause i think it will be fun.... and why the hell wouldn't i go???

soooo, my question is... do you bring your significant other to these things? i mean, in all honesty, it seems stupid to drag them to something like that. i don't care if boyfriend's there with me, but will he even have fun?? he won't know a single person. i'll be lucky if i recognize anyone in real life (i'm horrible with that shit, so introducing him to people should be loads of fun. "babe, this is.. um.. yep.")

and won't i spend all my time catching up with everyone? being social and chatty and talking about stupid shit and old memories and stuff? basically, boyfriend will be there but he'll be totally ditched the whole time?? or will i not do that? who are we kidding, i would totally do that.

it just seems weird to bring someone who didn't go to your high school to the reunion. lol or maybe i'm just weird.