Greetings from my thoughts, a brief background on me and what has led me up to this point in my life. 49 YO male, served 9.5 yrs in the army, never saw action. Let’s just say I never locked and loaded. All this before 1995. In Nov. 95, after returning state side and here less than 4 months back was working and had a near fatal accident involving a 40k dump truck in a hurry to get his next load. All I can say is don’t get into a jousting match with a dump truck holding a stop sign, yes, I was a flagger with the stop side of the sign facing him. He couldn’t stop in time (they calculated him doing 57mph in a work zone 0mph). Anyway, to bring you up to date, about a year ago (give or take), I was standing in my house and my wife and I were doing some things around the house when all of a sudden I felt dizzy, confused, wasn’t sure what or where I was or was going to do. My wife asked if I was ok but, I couldn’t answer. That lasted about 5-10 mins, when I was able to collect my thoughts my wife thought I had a heart attack or something, with me being a vet, she called the local VA which told her to call 911 if it was an emergency, so, she did. They couldn’t get an ambulance to use fast enough so she said screw it, she grabbed our belongings and headed to town 30 mins away. They couldn’t figure anything out.
Let me skip forward to two weeks ago. On the day before my episode (as I call them now), everything was fine, working around the house, taking trash out doing husbandly duties and all. On the next day, I felt strange, like I had done this before but, I was having other feelings that didn’t seem right. I would have brief memories of doing something like this before, but have shivers and it would go away. This would go on throughout the day and some would be more intense then others or more then 5 a day. After the more intense ones it seemed like I would have a lapse in memory or a feeling that someone was out to get me or worse, that my wife of 18 years didn’t love me anymore or even wanted me around. Today, I’m still getting some weird feelings but they are not as bad as they have been, at least I can type it out while thinking about it, I couldn’t even type and think before now. If I tried, I would have this deer in the head light look about me.

Oh, before I end this book (sorry, this is how my brain works sometimes) I did have a memory before I started typing this thing out. When I was a kid, I remember walking in buildings after everyone was gone and all the lights were off but the emergency lighting and I would all the halls and look not rooms but I would get this nervous feeling that someone was going to catch me and chase me off (I guess that is what the fight or flight feeling, I still get that feeling but I’m not in an empty building walking the halls)