Friday, July 24, 2009

Well Abby has started with the sibling rivalry, I mean really begun to realize that mom and dad have two kids not just one. Her acting up this week has been grueling, frustrating me to the point of distraction. Especially since most of it revolves around how much attention over and above 100% I am able to give her. Funny thing is that she is really great in the morning for her dad, even when Norah is awake and playing with them. But as soon as I wake up and my priorities are in this order: bathroom, coffee, nursing, coffee, breakfast, something with Abby, and her priorities are: mommy craft time, mommy play time, mommy swim time, mommy shopping, oh sure have some coffee it's only 3pm. And she turns into a raving lunatic, whining and crying and lashing out, craving any attention at all, even the very worst kind. And as soon as Norah vacates the breakfast cuddle Abby is IN MY LAP like a dirty shirt, I mean this kid never even cuddled when she was nursing and now it is like Gaaaallllluuuuuueeeee. And the little beady jealousy eyes, I mean I guess I wasn't prepared for it, how anyone could shoot daggers at little Norah baby.. but she does. Yikes! and today when we were over at a friend's house dropping off a few helpout meals we were talking and watching the babies ( friend's have one 9 months and one on the way) Abby got a ball point pen and drew on a painting in the house. AARRGGGHHH!!! I have never been so mortified in my life!

And this too shall pass, and I am trying to rearrange morning priorities, I mean who really needs breakfast anyways? :) lol and having lots of Abby mommy time helps but .. geez .. I can't imagine three kids... or five... *sigh* and in ten years I'll be cranking that she doesn't want to be with me... well here is a shot when it was just Abby mommy time:

huh, the dog in the background is Max, mr. jump-the-fence-and-pee-in-the-yard-in-Texas dog

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Finally, after three years Seth was fully retired with permanent disability status.

Sigh..........

It is hard to explain the relaxed mood in the house this week, overwhelmingly lethargic, everyone is sleeping better, eating less, smiling more. I had no idea how wound up we all were, at each other over so many things, small thing, insignificant things. And now..... finally closure and recognition, finally a stamp of approval and a promise for the future. For those who are new to our story here is a quick summation:

Dec. 2005: shipped out to IraqApril 2006: the first of 10 explosions rocks Seth , and he survivesJuly 2006: medically evacuated from TheatreSeptember 2006-July 2007: waiting, sometimes going into work, mostly being paranoid, anxious, and sore. I spend my time fighting with his superiors who keep calling him for duty that his official physical profile restricts.July 2007: He makes the temporary retired list and no longer is on active dutyJuly 2007-August 2007: we wait with baited breath for rating and payment from the VA, very scary to have a one year old and no income for the family.September 2007: 100% disability rating from the VASeptember 2007-July 2009: waiting to see if they will take everything away from us and put him back on active duty. Waiting and reassuring, trying everyday to make it positive and not let the fear show.Finally: July 2009 permanently retired.

It's done, we can relax and just live now, work on him getting better instead of being afraid of getting better. INstead of being worried that if he showed imporvement they would take it all way and push him into the workforce that he so blatantly can never enter again. We live with the paranoid fear of someone else mowing our lawn, being a failure because the recycle man didn't take all the recycle, being completely unable to enter a store like Costco or Walmart alone, forgetting where he parked the car ( every single time), any loud noise is a morter round/gunshot/IED, weekly and sometimes daily nightmares of scenes in theatre, an inability to interact with any stranger for any reason, and walking the dog down the dirt road triggers full body visceral flashbacks resulting in loss of cogniscence. Physical limitations of little to no lifting, walking with two crutches, a bulging disc in his back and neck, a raging ear infection that has presumably moved into his brain and is causing swelling and fluid to remain on his left lobe, as well as migraines that can last 2 hours or 5 days. Then there are the cognitive difficulties losing and forgetting words, missing meaning, stark inability to read and retain information, little to no short term memory, loss of logical sequencing and priority problems.

But I love this man,

we are doing fine

and we are a family.

We still go to Costco and Walmart, we go as a family, and stick together and keep him safe. We work through the loud noises and the flashbacks we talk about them constantly so they aren't scary or strange. We work on word loss, we play games like trivial pursuit for knowledge retention and we read to the girls all the time. Somethings will never get better like his back and his knees but we share the loads and move on, always moving on. And someday he is going to only have nightmares every month or two and flashbacks will recede into the background. It will still be there and it will still be hard sometimes but really what marriage isn't?

Don't ever let anyone tell you that something is impossible. call me a romantic idealist but really baby I've lived it, I'm 26 and I've been there and you can get through anything if you love someone.

Hello! My name is Norah and I have a few thigns to say about my favorite things to eat! first of all I am glad that my momma is such a foodie and loves to make me new food ALL the time, and here are all the new foods I am eating this month and LOVING!

Saturday, July 11, 2009

OKay so not really the dog days but still hot hot hot enough that there has been plenty of swimming and goofing, popsicles and plant watering. Still hot enough that writing a blog post upstairs after a 90 degree day is not very fun and so I will settle for many pictures and few words.