SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

My husband of 30 years is having an affair with our neighbor/my friend/. She is also the mother of our children's best friends-in fact our sons are roomates. They had an emotional affair for 4 years. My husand worked from home and she was a stay at home mom. I went to work evrey day not knowing what was going on in my own house. She and her usband separated and eventually divorced in Jan. 2011. She sold her house and moved to a near by town in August of 2011. that is when the physical aaffair started. I suspected and started asking questions that fall and of course, he said nothing was going on. He eventually confessed 7/2/2012. We have stayed together but it is not working for hi. He says she is his soulmate/best friend and lover. not me. He is seeing a conselor and will not go to couples therapy because he is not sure if he can commit to our marriage. We have decided to separate in 4 weeks after our family vacation. We will tell our children then. He says he needs to do this to see if he wants to stay with me. I know in my heart that he will go to her. I am in a state of severe depression. I cannot stop obsessing orcrying. I am making an appointment today to see a therapist. Any tips on how to manage my day to day life?

Posts: 3 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Georgia

Exit Wounds♀ 32811Member # 32811

Posted: 8:15 AM, June 10th (Monday), 2013

Babygirl6
Fist off, let me tell you how sorry I am to read about your story! Wow! 30 years is a long time!
May I make a suggestion? I think it would be best if you post this on Just Found Out. I think people can help you more there. You are new to this, I see this is your first post. My heart goes out to you.
Jump over to JFO and I know you will find the love and support you need.

Posts: 2501 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: With my dad...and my dog.

Babygirl6♀ 38176Member # 38176

Posted: 8:18 AM, June 10th (Monday), 2013

Thanks, although I didn't just find out. I've know for almost a year. I'll jump over to the other one!

Posts: 3 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Georgia

Take2♀ 23890Member # 23890

Posted: 10:21 AM, June 10th (Monday), 2013

He says she is his soulmate/best friend and lover. not me.

Ouch, if this comes a year after Dday... Sounds like he already knows what he wants but he is too much of coward to pull the trigger...I'm so sorry.

He says he needs to do this to see if he wants to stay with me. I know in my heart that he will go to her

Gently, you have given away your power Babygirl. You have choices here too! You don't have to sit back and wait on his decision... no wonder you are depressed, you are living under a guillotine. As if an A isn't depressing enough, after 30 years... he's not sure? I think this is a case where you have to risk you marriage to have any chance of saving it. (And right now it doesn't sound like you have much of a M to risk.)

Have you consulted a lawyer? I really think you should! Now! There is nothing easy about the path before you, especially after 30 years, but information will help and so will IC. Posting here will help too. You aren't alone!

Please check out the healing library BS FAQ #11 the 180. You need to start focusing on you! And if your kids are older I'd forget the sham of a family vacation. I wouldn't put myself through it. And if you wait and tell the kids (older kids) at the end of the vacation that you are separating... jeez, I'd think they'd feel betrayed, deceived, and resentful, especially under these circumstances. If they are adults - treat them like adults - be honest, they are going to find out anyway.

((((Babygirl)))) You will get through this! We'll help!

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4259 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England

Chrysalis123♀ 27148Member # 27148

Posted: 11:02 AM, June 10th (Monday), 2013

Welcome Babygirl. ((((BG))))))

I am so happy you found us. Please post as much as you wish, as there are many wise and wonderful people willing to lend an ear, share their stories, and offer their wisdom gained through the horrors of infidelity.

And if your kids are older I'd forget the sham of a family vacation. I wouldn't put myself through it. And if you wait and tell the kids (older kids) at the end of the vacation that you are separating... jeez, I'd think they'd feel betrayed, deceived, and resentful, especially under these circumstances. If they are adults - treat them like adults - be honest, they are going to find out anyway.

THIS!

Gently, this man is not your friend. Knowledge is power for you. So. if you have not done so, please go see a lawyer to learn your rights. Long term marriages have special protections in certain states, and I know I was terrified of what was going to happen to me if I divorced.

Please take extra special care of yourself right now. Can you find one thing to do each day that will help you laugh and find your smile?

Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†