don't weep for what is lost
but smile for what has been(Obituary card, Names and dates are cropped)

Although deeply pious, my parents where also secular humanists. Practising this, they always choose person before dogma and human approach before religious fuss. My father often arranged celebrations where he collected inspirational poems and music. We where befriended with several priests and in close communication with them, we often had beautiful Roman-catholic masses. (come to think of it, even as a child, I was mostly inspired by dads poems about nature and hope then those about God an Jesus). I thought it was no more then appropriate to arrange something like that.

The problem: The house was sealed shut by the police. So, no chance to collect their favourite music and no access to dads poetry books. Not only that... No one even WANTED to enter the house. What would we find there? Blood?

After some search we found some poems and nice songs. We sat together with a befriended deacon (family of my wife) and talked about what we wanted to say and what music we wanted to play.
Dad was straight against the picking of flowers. "Leave them be" he said. "Come back next year and find even more flowers". Mom loved flowers. So my dad grew roses and other assorted flowers in the backyard especially for my mother to pick and place next to the little shrine she made to remember my sister and other departed. Mindful about both mom and dad's wish, we asked every mourner to bring just one simple rose to the funeral. The idea was, to put dad's wheelbarrow next to the coffins and to have everyone put his rose in there. A symbolic deed.

We head off to the pastor of the church with our texts, songs and wishes.

Almost everything was already arranged behind our back!

There was a choir (the sang horrible! really really horrible!) We where only able to play one of our beloved song. I could only quote one poem. And the carefully written testimony’s by their beloved ones where all mashed together in one indigestible chunk of text. The wheelbarrow war nowhere to be seen. As a result everyone who brought a rose (and with everyone I mean ALL +675 mourners. The line was endless) tried to put their rose on that small straight edge of the two coffins. Roses fell and where almost trampled upon. I could have lived with that if not...

When we where in our hideout the first days, the friend we lodged at (the one from the quote below) had to fend off some nosy press. So we asked the pastor SPECIFIC to NOT HAVE PRESS in the church! Guess what we saw on the news that evening... I can be angry and wave my fist to the pastor but that won't undo a news bulletin. Lying son of a bitch! So far for the intervention of the Roman-catholic church

Everything will be allright...
First off, I had my small revenge. At the graveyard they pushed me that stupid toilet-brush thingy in my hand to sprinkle holy-water. I gave it back to him, kindly smiling and saying that I brought my own homage to my parents. I gently put the rose on moms coffin (I was the only one who kept it) saying, "Hi mom, I brought you a flower" And then I opened a Leffe (which was dad's favourite) poured it as it should in the correct glass, and presented it to dad. "Cheers dad!" I believe I heard some reply "cheers" and some muffled cheering behind me. Later I heard, the pastor did not know what to do or where to look. Giving flowers to my dad just seemed so laughable. The man wants a firm and tasty beer in his final resting place.

Now here's the end...
My parents never wanted to be buried. They wanted to be cremated and have their ashes scattered. (funny side-note: Mom always said she didn’t want worms between her toes and dad, suffering lifelong from cold feet due to a birth defect, said he liked the idea of warm feet for eternity. (weird humour is hereditary) ) Due to the circumstances they died in, cremation wasn’t possible since the bodies could be claimed by the defence. The coffins are now placed in an enclosed and sealed crypt. When the trial is over, their will will be done and we can leave all pastors, churches and cameras behind us.

We will find ourself a source somewhere, in a forest or meadow, and at dawn, when the morning mist searches his way through the trees to hide himself from the slow rising sun, and under the last light of planet Venus, a friend of ours will play a lament on his double toned folk-bagpipe, while we, passing the urns, scatter them gently in the stream.

I want to say something nice but I don't find the right words for your situation. So I simply show you that I am reading this and have high respect for your trust in this community sharing your story. And it is a good step to write about things. It helps your healing process (talking from experience). I know how hard it is to go through everything again by writing it down, but I think you are doing well.

I'm disappointed it didn't go the way you wanted it too. I am glad that part is over with for you and your family. I'm sorry for your lose as well. I hope the trial stuff gets over with soon enough so you can finish what you had planned and pick up the pieces of your life.

T_O -
The description of your parents is so wonderful, so open, it would have been a pleasure to know them. They look quite sweet together in the photo and from your description, they certainly complimented each other. It's good to keep thoughts of what they were like and you will need to make sure to tell your little one when she asks. I just bet in the future, you will see a bit of each of them in her behavior.

Sounds like you got a show of the usual insensitivity of the church -as if you and your family needed one more horrible thing to endure! Idiots. I'm glad you pulled the rug out from under the priest and had a moment of tenderness with your Mom and hardy drink with your Dad! You demonstrated how you shared your life with them, and your gentle tribute is far more personal and loving than a bunch of fake words and meaningless rituals of any priest.

Everything seems on hold since you have to wait for the trial to be over. That might be difficult, but it will be a relief when it is finished. Then you can give your parents the peaceful rest they wanted and deserve. Things might not seem natural until you do.

For now, hang tight to your family -your nieces must be just traumatized by everything! I have a feeling you and your family will take strength from each other. So stay strong, be healthy, get plenty of rest and exercise for stress. peace. And escape to the forum if you need some alternative reality or just some laughs.

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein

My deepest condolences.
What an unbelievable situation to be in. I feel extreme sorrow for you and your family and at the same time extreme anger for those who have hurt you. I can't even imagine how you must feel.
All I can say is I am so sorry that your life has been turned upside down in this way and I hope the pain of it all fades away as quickly as possible.

Observer :
I am very sorry to hear that this has happened to your family. A few minutes ago (or an hour or so...) was the first I had heard of this, since I rarely find the time to come here anymore.
I have never been much good at wording things like this, so rather than put my feet in my mouth, I'll just say that I hope justice gets served ( I looked, Belgium has no death penalty) and that this will close quickly so your healing process can begin.

My very best wishes to you in these terrible times.

Oxymoron: "Religious teaching"
"Simple common sense goes out the window when religion comes in through the door." Me (Blasphemy Fan )

Picture of the grave. The tomb can not be seen underneath all the flowers. Note dad's beer in the middle

It’s the human approach of people like you all, caring about someone you never met IRL that makes me believe again that the world isn’t such a bad place after all.

Yes, death penalty isn’t practised anymore in Belgium ever since the last WWII traitor got a bullet in 1949. I think this is good. I don't want more deaths. Besides... I don't think putting anyone to death is a punishment. Sometimes I feel, the living are far worse off then the death.