Is there a male menopause? As a man in his mid-50s, I have recently become aware of getting older. Increasing age has had a curious effect on my psyche. I am noticing, on an almost daily basis, that I am thinking, feeling and behaving in ways that are starkly different from my youth and earlier adulthood. I will share these experiences on this blog and hope others will join me in describing their own age-related quirks and oddities. I can't be the only one at this "funny age", can I??

Saturday, 7 January 2017

As we enter into a new year, I thought I’d share with you my
personal highlights of the festive season, the most memorable moments of the
last three weeks. In no particular order, they are:

1. Singing with my mother-in-law

Sadly, my 81-year-old
mother-in-law is afflicted with Alzheimer’s disease; her memory span is no more
than a few seconds, she’s lost her sparky temperament, and - even when
surrounded by her family – she sits in silence with a blank expression. Well
she does until she hears Dusty Springfield.

Late on Christmas Day, when all
the feasting had ended, we played some songs from the 1960s on You-Tube.
Watching mother-in-law belt out her rendition of Dusty’s ‘You Don’t Have To Say You Love Me’ (word perfect, face glowing with
delight) will be an image that will remain with me for ever.

2. Greeting cards from my elderly parents

Both my parents are in their
mid-80s and, while yet immune from the ravages of dementia, they do tend to be
a tad confused and forgetful. Sending greeting cards is a case in point.

We received a delightful
Christmas card, wishing us wonderful cheer, but there was nothing written in it
– completely blank. A process of elimination, and detective work of a quality
Sherlock Holmes would relish, was required to identify the source.

For Mrs Jones’ birthday (2nd
January) their greetings card arrived two days late due to their decision to
use a 2nd-class stamp – my lovely mother is as tight as a her
compression stocking – the post code was wrong, and their birthday wishes were
to their ‘daughter’ rather than ‘daughter-in-law’. Ah well, it’s the thought
that counts.

3. Disturbing images of offspring
My two babies are now aged 26 and
22, both away from home and enjoying their lives to the full. Over the
holiday period, each sent me an image that unsettled me.

Ryan opted to attend his
football’s team’s annual fancy-dress pub crawl in the role of Alex, the
evil
star from the cult film, A Clockwork
Orange. Never one for half measures, the
resemblance with the Malcolm
McDowell character was chilling, not least because he had informed me that he’d
recently rerun the film six times to get into role. I was left to hope that,
during his tour of all the local drinking holes, he refrained from beating an
old lady to death
with a giant phallus.

Becca is gallivanting around the
world and sent me a video of her sliding, head first at high velocity, on a
flimsy piece of matting down an improvised mud slide in Brisbane, Australia.
When she hit the pond at the bottom, she skimmed across the water and almost
hit the banking on the other side. She afterwards tried to reassure me that the
only injuries she’d sustained were 'a few friction burns'.

4. Arse grabbing

Shortly after midnight, in the
midst of new-year revelry, the wife of my best friend grabbed
my right buttock.
She can be forgiven for I was wearing my favourite slacks, the cut of which
shape
my arse into an irresistible pout. The butt-clutching incident was made all the
more
remarkable as the lady in question is typically reserved and
self-conscious. Luckily, she was
so pissed at the time I’m sure she’ll retain
no memory of her cheeky squeeze; I’ll choose the
right moment in 2017 to remind
her of it!

5. A vivid dream

Over recent weeks, our house has
undergone a few renovations and, as such, many workmen
have visited. One night
over the Christmas period I experienced the most vivid of dreams. I
will not go
into detail. Suffice it to say that it involved me, Mrs Jones, two burly
builders and
a hosepipe. Watering the garden will never feel quite the same.

6. Prettiest lady in the pub

A couple of minutes before the
end of 2016 I recall glancing across the table at the woman
opposite and
thinking that she was, undoubtedly, the most attractive individual in the whole
pub. My second thought was that I’m so very fortunate, as the lady I was eyeing
was none
other than Mrs Jones. And in addition to her beauty - inside and out -
there is an additional
bonus: she can’t half hold her ale.