Milton Snark had a dream that one day little girls and boys could come to a school that appreciated the gift of snark. As a boy he felt the cruel sting of lesser intelligences blinking stupidly as clever witticisms went soaring over their bulbous heads. Milton recalls the majority of his school years being reprimanded for pointing out a crucial mistake in the most sarcastic manner. Twas not fair, Snark declared, how could he not use the gift of gab when it was so sorely needed in these times of crisis and giant blunders?

So Milton Snark graduated with a PhD in Snarkology from Columbia University and moved to Britain where he was able to gather enough funds to open up

Snark's Academy

A school where a student can say anything, claim anything and do anything so long as it's witty enough. Typically news programmes and parent's associations were outraged by such a school opening up, they declared it a setback to the education system. Such a school would be encouraging youth to become hooligans or delinquents, they said, it was the end times for law-abiding youngsters. Amid all the criticism Milton calmly stated, "I am a man who has been persecuted his whole life for being incredibly smart or at least for making others around me feel incredibly stupid. I made this school to end the discrimination of people who are really smart and also pretty good-looking. I made this goal because if there is anything I hate in this world it is intolerance. Also the French."

After that speech, the hearts and minds of England were won by Milton and his school opened up without a hitch.

The application process to Snark's Academy is extremely selective and very complicated. To be admitted some tough questions must be answered, here they are:

Name:Age: (True snarking must begin young so only 13-14 year olds will be admitted)

Circle your preferred Snark (Only one):

Deadpan Cynical Goofy Biting

Short Answer QuestionsQuestions One:You have been abducted by aliens in the middle of the night, dressed only in your jammies. The aliens (cow-like beings who stand on their hind legs) confront you and demand to know mankind's leader otherwise there will be much anal probing. What do you tell them?

Question Two: (references to Question One)The aliens return you home at dawn with minimal anal probing. As you walk through the front door gently rubbing your abused bum, your mum (who is cooking delicious omelettes) demands to know where you've been all night. What do you tell her?

Question Three:Say something witty.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

An average day's curriculum:

English (intense vocabulary)English (ranting: the art of run-on sentences)Snarkology (the study of snark and its uses)Midday Snark-OffLunchMath (2+2=fuckyou)English (cusses: when to use them)Openhouse Snark-Off

Short Answer QuestionsQuestions One:You have been abducted by aliens in the middle of the night, dressed only in your jammies. The aliens (cow-like beings who stand on their hind legs) confront you and demand to know mankind's leader otherwise there will be much anal probing. What do you tell them?

The irony is astounding.

"You missed him in the produce aisle."

Question Two: (references to Question One)The aliens return you home at dawn with minimal anal probing. As you walk through the front door gently rubbing your abused bum, your mum (who is cooking delicious omelettes) demands to know where you've been all night. What do you tell her?

"I've had an amazing and eyeopening experience in the farm today. You should've seen what the cows were doing.

wait, you were actually serious about this one. The last rpg, you posted, something about it involved hell and las vegas, and tracking down souls, got all four votes, but you never brought it into existence.

"Fate smiles on the strange. So its a good thing, I'm the strangest of all." - William Livingstone, Cirque de la Nuit

Short Answer QuestionsQuestions One:You have been abducted by aliens in the middle of the night, dressed only in your jammies. The aliens (cow-like beings who stand on their hind legs) confront you and demand to know mankind's leader otherwise there will be much anal probing. What do you tell them?Oh great, something disturbing my fucking sleep, that’s all I need. Seriously, alien abductions? How original.

Anyway, I ‘guess’ I’d have to say something along the lines of:

“Sorry mates. You missed the boat. The little green men from planet Zog already took him away...you’ll have to go all the way out to Zog to speak with him. Give me a small sum of a million pounds and I’ll give you directions...and now please take me the fuck back home so I can sleep in peace, preferably before I lose my temper, thank you so kindly and goodnight, gentlemen.”

Question Two: (references to Question One)The aliens return you home at dawn with minimal anal probing. As you walk through the front door gently rubbing your abused bum, your mum (who is cooking delicious omelettes) demands to know where you've been all night. What do you tell her?The complete truth, in a dry tone with a deadpan expression. What can I say? I’m a straight forward honest guy.

And you people shouldn’t lie. Everyone knows there’s no such thing as delicious omelettes. Omelettes are disgusting.

And I better have got my million pounds, or I’m calling those aliens back.

Mastermind001 wrote:wait, you were actually serious about this one. The last rpg, you posted, something about it involved hell and las vegas, and tracking down souls, got all four votes, but you never brought it into existence.

Short Answer QuestionsQuestions One:You have been abducted by aliens in the middle of the night, dressed only in your jammies. The aliens (cow-like beings who stand on their hind legs) confront you and demand to know mankind's leader otherwise there will be much anal probing. What do you tell them?

Oh yeah? And who am I, the Secretary? How would I know where he is, Sparky?

Question Two: (references to Question One)The aliens return you home at dawn with minimal anal probing. As you walk through the front door gently rubbing your abused bum, your mum (who is cooking delicious omelettes) demands to know where you've been all night. What do you tell her?

I went with an ever so pleasant walk with new friends with electrifying hobbies. It was incredibly fascinating, you should try it.

Question Three:Say something witty.

And what would you like me to say, oh master of the universe?

Last edited by Keiran on Tue Mar 22, 2011 9:43 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Mastermind001 wrote:wait, you were actually serious about this one. The last rpg, you posted, something about it involved hell and las vegas, and tracking down souls, got all four votes, but you never brought it into existence.

I mainly just use it on my little sister :) Me and her are terribly sarcastic to one another, if only to show how much we really lovehate love each other...anyone outside of the family would wonder why we're so cruel to one another.

Short Answer QuestionsQuestions One:You have been abducted by aliens in the middle of the night, dressed only in your jammies. The aliens (cow-like beings who stand on their hind legs) confront you and demand to know mankind's leader otherwise there will be much anal probing. What do you tell them?

"Oh, he lives down the block in the big black house. Go probe him, he loves it."

Question Two: (references to Question One)The aliens return you home at dawn with minimal anal probing. As you walk through the front door gently rubbing your abused bum, your mum (who is cooking delicious omelettes) demands to know where you've been all night. What do you tell her?

"I was captured by aliens who wanted to take over the world and probe the leader's ass. Can I have ham and cheese in my omelette?"

Question Three:Say something witty.Something wittyNothing is more discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm.A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.Outside of a dog, a book is probably man’s best friend, and inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.Sorry, once I start going, I can't stop.

Last edited by Belwicket on Sat Apr 02, 2011 2:22 pm, edited 3 times in total.

I mainly just use it on my little sister :) Me and her are terribly sarcastic to one another, if only to show how much we really lovehate love each other...anyone outside of the family would wonder why we're so cruel to one another.

And I do love your cynical characters, Sam :3

You'd be surprised ;D

And thanks, I love them too :3

But yeah, being cruel just 'cuz can be fun. But I'm only sarcastic towards people I know well enough to insult without hurting any feelings. Whenever I despise someone I'm usually very blunt in my comments if they irk me enough. Otherwise I pretend to be nice.

Mother of darkness, mother of light, earth beneath us, soul in flight, songs of love and love of life, guide us to our heart.We all come from the Goddess and to her we shall return like a drop of rain flowing to the ocean.

Short Answer QuestionsQuestions One:You have been abducted by aliens in the middle of the night, dressed only in your jammies. The aliens (cow-like beings who stand on their hind legs) confront you and demand to know mankind's leader otherwise there will be much anal probing. What do you tell them?

"One would be led to believe that earth has no leaders, but believe them not! We hail those one the machines in the room with a large squishy seating device. The one known as 'Just-in Bee-fur' is the lord of all females ranging from 10-18 and he would be a wise choice to take."

Question Two: (references to Question One)The aliens return you home at dawn with minimal anal probing. As you walk through the front door gently rubbing your abused bum, your mum (who is cooking delicious omelettes) demands to know where you've been all night. What do you tell her?

"I was out with my mates playing a rather joyous game of handegg when a rather strange occurrence happened. In the wee hours of the morning I was taken from the field at which we participated in aforementioned sport and I was just released recently. Are those delicious omelettes I smell?"

Question Three:Say something witty.

The term 'Something Witty' comes to mind, but I prefer much more... mature forms of comedy. Two men walked into a bar, the third man ducked.

Last edited by Garethcool on Wed Mar 23, 2011 4:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Fenix13: Remember this well Gareth: With great power... comes hot bitches.