The party went ok, I didn't have fun and I don't think I pissed off too many people but it was still an anxiety filled experience.

I'm thinking maybe I should just wait until my friends ask me to do things instead of asking them, because if I invite them I'm never sure they really want to spend time with me. But then I don't want to get all lonely and isolated. What do you guys think?

I sometimes get in this weird anxious/paranoid pattern of being Absolutely Convinced that all of my friends hate me and would rather I wasn't around. Which gets worse the longer I let it fester. My closest friends know I have this problem and see it coming (I live with them). They will actually tell me, "We love you" "We want you around" "Stop this, this unworthiness is all in your head" etc. when they see me isolating/making excuses not to go out. But they only know to do that and be patient but firm and non-enabling because I've broken down in front of them and explained that I get anxious about people wanting me around/feeling unworthy/unwelcome/etc.

So, my opinion is that waiting around for your friends to initiate all contact will probably send the message that YOU don't want to hang out with THEM. I think that anxiety messes with the messages we send people in social situations (sometimes I'll desperately just want to be a part of things and comfy and everything but I'm so anxious I give off a vibe that makes me seem unapproachable or unhappy). If you can't remember that you are wanted and loved by your friends maybe confide in one or two how you feel, that way they can support/kick you out of your spiraling self-doubt so that you can enjoy yourself.

I know how it feels when you feel like you spend about 2,000,000,000x more time thinking about and dwelling about appropriate social interaction (do I call them? should I wait for them to call me? what if I did it wrong? they invited me, but what if they don't really want me to go?). Sometimes I think when things get really overwhelming it's good to have someone to tell you when you're letting anxiety run you so you can notice it yourself.

Thanks rocklobster and dandelion! I've been hanging out with some close friends and its been helping. I think I'm less anxious in small groups and maybe there's nothing wrong with socializing like that instead of big parties.

My anxiety is off the forking charts. It has been since I got back from Mexico last week. There are so many changes going on in my life right now, things that may seem small to most, but they overwhelm me. I feel scared and like doom is around the corner and I just want everything to be okay. My psychologist moved away, so we've just been doing phone sessions for now until I can drive to see him. The depersonalization is the worst...feeling out of your skin, out of touch with yourself and surroundings. fork anxiety so hard.

_________________Did you notice the slight feeling of panic at the words "Chicken Basin Street"? Like someone was walking over your grave? Try not to remember. We must never remember. - mumblesIs this about devilberries and nazifruit again? - footface

I think I've had some panic attacks in the last few weeks. I feel kinda silly/stupid saying that, becuase I don't really *know* they're panic attacks. The first two ?s, I can't really remember a lot of, because of some other concurring things, so...

But the third one just happened out of the blue, when I was hanging out with some friends in their apartment. It felt like I couldn't breathe, my skin was on fire, my heart was pounding, there was something roaring in my ears, I couldn't stop shaking, my stomach was cramping, and I thought that if I stayed there any longer I would pass out or something horrible would happen. It got worse and worse until I finally fell out of the chair and shoved my boots on and stagger-ran out of their apartment. By the time I got to my car, I was feeling better, but I wouldn't say I was 100% until the next morning. It felt like I was in a dream or something, not really there. But at the same time it was terrifying.

It makes me wonder if there's not more to some of the stuff I was feeling earlier in the semester. I stopped going to my classes, one by one, because after I missed a class or two due to <reason>, I felt like I couldn't show my face there again, which meant I missed another class, and it snowballed from there. And then there were a couple of days where I couldn't/wouldn't go to campus even just to see people I knew, because the one time I did that after having been gone a few days, I could feel people staring at me.

Having finally typed it out all in one thing, I guess that maybe it's more likely that it's worse than I want to think it is, but... I still feel a little ridiculous about it.

This anxiety stuff sucks. I was reflecting on the big, unwelcome, gross presence of anxiety in my life all year, and I think I might need to get some meds to get this under control. It's paralyzing, which is really, really bad for me financially and career-wise, because this whole past year I've been freelancing and making my own work, when really the anxiety makes me feel like I would have done better to be in a simple mindless job that I hate (but then I know, as I've experienced in the past, that I would then be depressed). It's so forking frustrating that one day I can tell myself "see? You feel fine! There is no problem here!" and the next day I want to hide under the bed. Yoga and meditation and lots of walks outside are things that really help me, but when I'm under a time crunch or just too depressed to force myself, I let the anxiety get so bad that I pretty much just have to wait it out, all the while being mostly useless in completing tasks as easy as doing the dishes and as difficult as finding more work. This time last year I was coming back to Canada after a really stressful time working not-so-legally in the states and worrying about people in my life who were really sick, so I chalked it up to that stuff and figured I'd be better back in Canada and back living with my partner, but there was so magic fix, no matter how remote the place we live is. The thing is I have a really horrible doctor here who basically thinks I'm a drug addict because when I injured myself badly in the summer I couldn't move and I asked him to prescribe me some anti-inflammatories (he said he doesn't like to medicalize injuries, but I couldn't sit at my desk, type, or drive and I was on a deadline--basically he's the worst kind of hippie on this island), and once I went in for a pelvic which terrified me because he is such a creep and he told me he didn't have time that day, even though it was scheduled), so I really don't want to talk to him about psych meds. But I also really hate the idea of going into a walk-in clinic for this kind of thing. When I was gearing up to go to the US I went to a clinic to get a huge prescription of what I was talking then (Wellbutrin) and he didn't even ask any questions. He just gave me a huge sack of pills, essentially, and I ended up tapering myself off that when I got to the US for a complicated reason.

Blah, I'm just venting. Anyway, it's good to remind myself that this is a real thing. My partner has never had any experience with any kind of mental instability so even though he is understanding, him not knowing what it's like makes me feel pretty alone most of the time, and I'm a very solitary person at this point in my life so there isn't much support outside of my own racing head. For example, the lady who lives above us is having some kind of crazy work done in her place this morning and there have been crashes and pounding and shaking windows and it's kind of freaking me the fork out even though I know that's irrational, and as a result I am pushing back everything I had been all set to work on. And nothing brings more anxiety or makes me feel like a worse person than procrastinating, but I'm doing it every day, all the time.

I would like to join in this thread. My anxiety is bad and it's affecting my school/workplace work. It's so easy for me to get inside my head and worry about every move everyone is making around me and how it relates to me and how gross and worthless everyone thinks I am. I can stop those thoughts and concentrate on being present in the room and talk myself down, and then my anxiety isn't as present, but my default position is screaming at myself in my head. My supervisor keeps telling me I am anxious even when I am not but just trying to be diligent, and that my hands are shaky, and criticizing what I eat at the lunch she makes me eat with her twice a week (and she doesn't tell me when I do well, only when I mess up, which I should be, because she is my practicum supervisor and everything I am practicing is new). None of that is helping my anxiety. I went to a doctor finally and I have just started Zoloft so I am hopeful that this will help. I am also going to I think try group counseling because groups are hard for me. I got panic attacks when I started on citalopram a few years ago so I wasn't surprised when I started having mini-panic attacks (that I can control) when I started on a half dose of the Zoloft. Now I'm going to up to a regular dose, so fingers crossed no more panic attacks. And less anxiety.

I'm glad I found this thread and have read all of your stories. It feels better just to know I'm not alone, because this makes you feel like you're going crazy (it probably doesn't help that my doctor sometimes says, "You're fine! You're just crazy!" THANKS.)

I too have had those moments in the ER, thinking I'm dying, having a heart attack or a brain tumor. I have bitten my tongue while people who clearly have no idea how bad things get say, "You know, you should just exercise more!" or "Stop drinking coffee." It's frustrating and maddening. Do people think that, after 6 years, I haven't tried every self-help/yoga/deep breathing/supplement suggestion?

Mine is more manageable now, but I can't tell you how many stressful situations (and people!) I avoid to keep things in check. Oh--and anyone who is new to Panic/Anxiety disorders, never ever go to WebMD because you will be convinced you are dying at all times!

I have to go into my workplace to speak to my line manager about returning to work. I am in a real funk about it! I know it will probably be totally straightforward, but I keep imagining people who haven't heard what happened (stillbirth) asking me how the birth went/how the baby is, and I know from experience that I just don't know how to react to that question yet!

Wish me luck for an hour's time!

_________________"Like a wonky bourbon stonehenge. But in a good way." - Disappearing Ink

I have to go into my workplace to speak to my line manager about returning to work. I am in a real funk about it! I know it will probably be totally straightforward, but I keep imagining people who haven't heard what happened (stillbirth) asking me how the birth went/how the baby is, and I know from experience that I just don't know how to react to that question yet!

Wish me luck for an hour's time!

I hope it goes well! Or went well, by this time.

I had a big, horrible freakout about a month and half ago when a friend said something careless to me at a party... and since then, pretty much nothing. It's like I just needed to get it all out or something. (Is it gross that I imagined blowing my nose or something? Gobs of snot.) I mean, yesterday I got a little bit freaked out when I went to ask a couple of questions somewhere, but that's my standard "oh god new situation and I don't know EXACTLY WHAT I'M DOING oh god", so while it sucked, it doesn't bother me.

I'm actually feeling a little bit optimistic about the semester. It'll be a little awkward because I'm retaking three classes, but... I think I can do it. If I can get past the first day, it'll be okay.

Dropscone, I'm so glad to hear that going into work went ok. I'm not even going to begin to give you advice or try to imagine what you've been through and are going through now. You're really, really strong and really hope you're doing all right.

I had a really hard and scary and vulnerable conversation on Sunday and since then have had almost zero anxiety. I was sobbing daily, feeling like I just couldn't handle life. And now I feel amazing. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to say (I've been trying since June and it just got bigger and scarier) but I am so so glad I did and really proud of myself.

_________________"I'd rather have dried catshit! I'd rather have astroturf! I'd rather have an igloo!"~Isa

"But really, anyone willing to dangle their baby in front of a crocodile is A-OK in my book."~SSD

hrrrmp, totally stressed out (but didn't have a panic attack!) at drivers ed today. Today was the first class so the three hours went by painfully slow. Lots of time to stress out about being stuck in a classroom. It was fine except now I'm home and breaking out in hives (which always happens after I stress out). Tomorrow will better. Tomorrow WILL be better. Because I have nine more of these classes and they have to be better!

It's come back like a freight train since last weekend. My stomach has been churning, I can't concentrate, my limbs feel heavy, I'm exhausted but so wired on adrenaline that I'm having difficulty sleeping. The only place I feel semi-safe is at home with the guinea pigs, but even then Bruce being ill sets my nerves on edge too. I keep waking early but not wanting to get out of bed as it's the only truly safe place I have at the moment.

I haven't felt like this in over three years. At that time it was constant for four months. I lost about 30lbs and could only get 3 hours sleep a night. I don't know how I managed to get out of the door to go to work every day. I'm determined to not let this drag out and am seeing my doctor on Thursday,

We're having another party, dang it. Its a going away party for some really good friends, love them, but lots of strangers too which gives me the sicky feeling. But I do feel a lot better since the last one, so that's a plus. I guess this sort of situation will always bring up anxious feelings but as long as I can deal with them I'll be alright.

On the other hand, my husband might want a divorce so that'll be a fun load of financial/emotional anxiety.

Oh, anxiety, you are ruling my life right now. Why are you here? Why does it feel like I am out of control when it comes to you? Why is it so hard to see that although you feel scary, you aren't going to hurt me?

_________________Did you notice the slight feeling of panic at the words "Chicken Basin Street"? Like someone was walking over your grave? Try not to remember. We must never remember. - mumblesIs this about devilberries and nazifruit again? - footface

First post in this thread.. I've always been an anxious and worrying type of person, but lately it feels like it's just ruling my life. I'm fortunate enough to have health insurance that covers mental health stuff, but I just did a search for a therapist in my area and there are something like 800 in a five mile radius. I know it is a good problem to have, but it feels like just one more thing that's too overwhelming to contemplate. How do i pick a good therapist?

doncherryfan, have you looked at Psychology Today's "find a therapist" search on their website? If not, you should. You can look for therapists that specialize in anxiety and narrow it down. Some will have their own websites or at least a blurb about their background and methods. I cross-referenced the list with my insurance in-network list and found someone good. Good luck!