reality tv

At the beginning of last night's Bachelor, Chris Harrison stopped by to inform the girls that Sean "sees his wife in this room right now. That's where we are." God, I love that. All you have to do is narrow down a roomful of humans until the least offensive one remains! Just like choosing a poppyseed bagel from a shady deli, except then you marry it. But that moment set the tone--and btw, why haven't we had more Harrison-counseling sessions this season? Sean, you think you're too good for the pomaded sage's advice?--for a night full of award-worthy behavior. Best new Bachelor crew addition: Perv-Cam Charlie *OK, I don't know that there's actually a cameraperson named Perv-Cam Charlie. But I have to assume the same genius who brought us Sean's blatant package-ad a few weeks back was responsible for shooting up Sean's sculpted butt here and down Selma's top later. I like to pretend Perv-Cam Charlie has shoulder-length, unwashed hair and refers to his work as "living, breathing art." The au naturel award: Selma "I think I'm gonna go get ready for my date!" said the girl with a face full of airbrush makeup. The Jessie Spano award: Selma If read more

Rachel Zoe and former assistant turned arch nemesis Brad Goreski are coming back to Bravo in March with their respective shows, The Rachel Zoe Project and It's a Brad, Brad World. When Rachel returns to TV, we'll get a sneak peek at her clothing and accessories collection and her newest venture, a blow-dry salon. Also, she get bangs! Check out this preview of the new season: Meanwhile, Brad is now working with celebs such as Rashida Jones, Minka Kelly and Coco Rocha. In the premiere, Brad is challenged with styling 30 looks for the Kate Spade New York spring 2013 presentation. Are you excited for more fashion drama from Rachel and Brad? Which show do you like best? Photo: Getty Images read more

Watching this season of American Idol is like the time your mom had to unexpectedly go to work on the weekend, so now you're forced to shop for training bras with your dad because you can't bear to spend another day at school without getting the extra coverage your dreidel-shaped boobs deserve. What I'm trying to say is that AI—now in its 12th season—is totes awkward. But I didn't always feel this way. I used to look forward to each new episode. When it was T-minus five minutes to showtime, I'd have the same reaction as when my boss offers to pay for my lunch on Administrative Assistants' Day: That's right, folks; I'd shake so much in anticipation that I would temporarily knock the curls out my afro, and my hair would become straight like Alasia's for fifteen minutes. Now when someone tells me the show is on I respond the way I did when I met a friend's pretentious and foreign boyfriend, whose name is Dylan, but he pronounced it "Dye-lan:" Sorry, buddy, but it is and will always be pronounced "Dill-an." Moving on. The point is that all the things I loved about AI when it first began read more

At the start of last night's Bachelor--after a requisite shirtless stint on the treadmill--Sean reflected on how surprised he was to already have feelings for several girls. This is a rich Bachelor tradition--being utterly shocked that after signing up to fall in love, you find yourself attracted to more than one hard-bodied, shiny-haired woman. But now I get what Sean meant--he's surprised to find himself attracted to these women because they're all so damn cocky. Exceptionally, cunningly, backhandedly cocky. To make matters worse, there's this--and it deserves its own paragraph: I have decided that Sean's actually a really good guy. It's not just the volunteering. He's just... normal. And kind. Maybe this IS the most controversial Bachelor EVER, because I've literally never seen this before. (The last time I doled out the "normal" compliment, it was to Brad Womack after he said someone giving him a public lap dance was "weird." As you can see, the bar was set very low.) I think you'll get what I mean about both Sean and the women by the time we're done with our awards. The "made up a fake name to be on The Bachelor" award: "Stuart Claxton" I shall be Stuart read more

Well, I certainly wasn't there for the "right" reasons, but it was a journey I'll never forget... Thanks to The Bachelor franchise reaching 25 (!) seasons, Warner Bros. invited journalists to spend an evening at the mansion—complete with a rose ceremony and all! But, that's where things got a little funny. Current Bachelor Sean Lowe was at the top of everyone's interview list, but what was he going to say that we hadn't heard before? He certainly wasn't going to tell me if he was engaged—or even if he found love—so I thought, "You know, let me ask him to do something that no one else will." And with that, I borrowed a fellow journalist's engagement ring, gave it to Sean, and then THIS happened! I'M ENGAGED!!!!!! (Cue the cheesy Bachelor music). OK, OK, not really. Here's our fake happily-after-ever picture! (Check out the rose!) What's hysterical is that even though I was posting on Facebook all night that I was going to the Bachelor mansion, almost 40 of my Facebook friends thought I was actually engaged when I posted those pictures! Oy. But props to Sean for totally committing to the moment and giving all of those in attendance read more

If you're anything like me, then you've had a workout mix solely made up of Phil Collins songs and spent Friday nights from 2004-2009 getting your pop culture fix via VH1's Best Week Ever. Now that I think about it, I'm probably the only person in America who did both of those things. Anyway, when I heard that B Dubs Evs (that's the first and last time I'm ever calling it that, I promise) was returning, I was thrilled because it was my favorite show during college and some of my fellow comedians—Michelle Buteau, Nick Turner, and Megan Neuringer—were joining the brand-spanking-new cast. All three of them took time out of their busy schedule to chat with me before tonight's season premiere on VH1 at 10 p.m. But first, meet the cast... Megan Neuringer From: Mamaroneck, NY About: UCB improviser and favorite on other VH1 talking head shows Favorite Pop-Culture Moment: When Miley Cyrus changed her hair into the Dennis the Menace look. Get More:Best Week Ever Nick Turner From: Richmond, VA About: Stand-up comedian who recently appeared on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon Favorite Pop-Culture Moment: The third time Janet Jackson lost and gained 100 lbs. Get More:Best Week read more

Confession: I know a lot more than most about the Teen Mom "stars"—at my previous gig, they were one of the beats I covered—and I still find myself checking up on the latest news from them from time-to-time. So, of course, this morning I was SHOCKED to see that Teen Mom 2's Jenelle Evans, 21, is reportedly expecting her second child, according to her new husband, Courtland Rogers. (They married Dec. 4). This is my MAN right here :) twitter.com/PBandJenelley_ — Jenelle Rogers (@PBandJenelley_1) December 30, 2012 Um, keep in mind that Jenelle still doesn't have custody of her first-born son, who lives with Jenelle's mom, because of her past drug abuse and multiple arrests. According to Courtland, she hopes that if she can prove she's a good mom this time around, she can get her son back. Yeah. She could prove the haters wrong, but this news makes me nervous. Very nervous. What do you think? Jenelle hasn't made any comments herself, and Courtland didn't have much to say on Twitter today either: I can'tcomment on anything though I wish I could all I can say is pick up a copy of star magazine or goto radaronline.com to find out— read more

Attention Kmart Shoppers! Nicki Minaj and Adam Levine have designed clothing and accessories lines that are coming soon to a Kmart near you. Kmart confirmed the news on Tuesday. "I am so excited to work with this iconic, mass retailer and to bring affordable fashion to my beautiful barbz all across the U.S.," said Nicki. Do you shop at Kmart? Do you think the retailer's decision to sell clothing lines from Nicki and Adam is awesome or odd? read more

You know those movies where the main character meets a bunch of new people who are all a little too normal? Like, they're very accurately normal. And dead in the eyes. Then all of a sudden, it dawns on our protagonist: they're aliens. Or robots. Or both--which is what I'm afraid we're dealing with here, sir. (It just felt right to add "sir" at the end of that sentence.) This revelation is usually followed by someone yelling: "... RUN!" So Sean, this is me telling you to run. You are stuck in a world of intergalactic artificial hair nails tans intelligence. (Intelligence seems a little strong in this case, but there's no time to mince words.) We have to run, now... What's that, Sean? You don't believe me? Right, I forgot. They never believe the protagonist at first. So as a favor to Earth itself, I'll put aside my weekly awards and make my case for these women being non-human entities. They're scary even when they're trying to be sexy. I dare say that romance novel will be mistaken for a sci-fi book by more than one bargain-bin shopper. They sent a scout. Remember on Ben's season when Kacie B. read more

Rumors have been brewing that Britney Spears was poised to leave The X Factor—and now the star confirms the news: "I've made the very difficult decision not to return for another season. I had an incredible time doing the show and I love the other judges and I am so proud of my teens, but it's time for me to get back in the studio. Watching them all do their thing up on that stage every week made me miss performing so much! I can't wait to get back out there and do what I love most." L.A. Reid also won't be returning for a third season. No word yet on who will be replacing Spears and Reid—but Simon says he has a couple people in mind. What do you think of this news? Who do you hope to see in the judge's seat? Photo: FOX read more

Full of sparkling dialogue it was not, but The Hills had a special place in my heart for its pretty, pretty look and young-striver drama. The good news for me and any other still-pining fans out there: MTV's Washington Heights is starting tonight --and bringing back the whole hot-ambitious-kids vibe, with gorgeous editing to boot. Shimmering city shots aside, I'm already in love with the Heights crowd. They're fresh, they're honest, and they're intelligent, which is a nice change of pace. (Let's face it: on reality TV, thoughtful minds are about as common as good weaves.) This morning, I caught up with 21-year-old Manhattan College student Taylor Howell, one of the stars, about the show and life in the neighborhood. So the show starts tonight! How do you feel? Taylor: I have a knot in my stomach. I think my biggest fear is that people won't be entertained, because we're not throwing water bottles at each other so much. We talk. Please, we love nothing more than eavesdropping. How'd this all get started? Taylor: I met [castmember and producer] JP when I was in high school. He and [producers] Pedro and Becky got the idea for the show together. One read more

I'm picky when it comes to accepting new reality shows into my heart—OK, not that picky—but I am REALLY excited about Bravo's new RHOBH spin-off, Vanderpump Rules, which premiered last night. There's drama—a fight legit started because one staffer picked the same color dress to wear as another. All the people are that unique blend of crazy-hot that makes them great for reality TV, but horrible as boyfriends/girlfriends. And I'm quite sure their "work uniforms" break several health code violations: But those aren't the only things I love about the show... You've got your mean girl... Meet Stassi. From what I can tell, she spends the entire series alternating between alienating new girls and asking her boyfriend (more on him later) approx. 8797890 times an episode, "Where did you sleep last night?" Speaking of her boyfriend... His name is, I kid you not, Jax. When your parents give you a name like Jax, it is your destiny to become a model/actor/bartender. There's the "new girl" with a ton of 'tude... If you think she looks familiar, that's because she's the gal who Brandi confronted about having an affair with her ex-hubby Eddie--Scheana claims she didn't know he was married, but read more

Oh, Bachelor. Don't ever stay away so long again, all right? The Bachelorette was such a bust last year. Emily and Jef's relationship was like an off-brand microwave burrito: sure, it heated up fast, but it only takes a minute until things get weird. Then we had Bachelor Pad. Let's not even talk about that monstrosity. I'm still convinced the whole last season was shot in the back of a paddywagon. But you, Bachelor, you're the backbone of this franchise. Sure, I worried that Sean might be a little too vanilla to handle all this, but the ladies never let me down. And by ladies, in this case, I mean all the women and Arie. Without further ado, the first awards for the high points of Lowe's season premiere. Worst new trend: Sean's haphazard rose distribution Mindblowing, wasn't it? The way Sean just handed out roses willy nilly, thus hijacking the usual format? What's that you say? It had zero impact? Oh. I suppose I agree. At least when it comes to us. If we're talking about impact on the contestants, I think it's safe to say that Dr. Chris B. Harrison has just pulled off another brilliant Pavlovian experiment. read more

It seems like eons ago, the Men Tell All special in which I started to get the sinking feeling that Sean Lowe was our next Bachelor. No disrespect to the buff ginger--in the real world, you get points for being even-keeled and well-adjusted--but when I heard all that mandatory studio-audience swooning over him, I was like ohhhh nooooo. I admit it: I just kinda find him dull. I mean, do we all remember the lame "messy-room" prank they put him up to in order to spice him up a bit? That really backfired, eh? A guy can't seem more boring than when he's breaking up cookies on a nightstand as part of a really searing gotcha. On the other hand, I continue to not have a problem with this situation: And--to be optimistic about it--occasionally a Bachelor comes along who, in his infinite normalcy, reacts in a deadpan yet hilarious way to girl-craziness on the show. I call this Womacking, after Bradley. So maybe Sean will be into that. But I dunno guys. I keep having flashbacks of Lowe halfheartedly jogging after Emily's retreating SUV and... I'm not sure how else to say it. We might have a jeans-ironer on read more

All right, y'all, Buckwild finally laid its cards on the table last night. Its muddly lil' exposed-midriff cards. So first of all, not to make myself out to be a psychic, but can we all agree there's never been a less controversial show? Or am I missing something? I really feel like these are just kids, and they're not reflecting on anything other than the experience of being 20. If it seems like I'm being easy on this crowd, it's probably because although I certainly won't be taking an F150 for a high-speed spin through forest puddles anytime soon, parts of Buckwild were downright cool. Yeah, I said it. And I'm standing by it. Watching the show was a bit of a rollercoaster experience because: Though I can already tell this hot-new-girl Cara is gonna get on my nerves (Who walks out on chili? I don't care about your personal problems, you must respect the chili)... I really enjoy Anna--yup, fisticuffs and embarrassment-over-fisticuffs and all. And though I didn't like MTV forcing these kids into unnatural, Hills-like exchanges ("I think I'm gonna go after Cara")... I reaaaally liked when they hollered across the holler, and learning what a holler was. read more

So MTV's Buckwild starts tonight, and--shocker--it's already being called controversial. Controversial because of the way it portrays West Virginia, because the kids party all the time, because they do something that involves snorkeling under mud while in a truck. (I'm not clear on the logistics yet.) Here's the thing. No matter how much dirt-diving they do, it's not controversial. And that's because of us, not the show itself. You see, people have been getting twisted up about rowdy new reality since the dawn of the genre, and the same thing happens every time: We watch a trailer like the Buckwild one and go Whoa, too far. Then we watch the premiere and go--these kids! Now I've seen it all. Then we watch episode two and go, eh, they're not so crazy anymore. I'm bored. Bring us crazier crazies, please! A year later, we forget we ever thought the dern thing was worth talking about. l'll prove it to you--just look how far we've come in terms of what it takes to keep us entertained. All of the below shows were once labeled world-explodingly shocking. And now... Let's start at the top. Nowadays, we're used to new housewives being pitched to read more

I love the holidays and all, but over the past couple days, TV withdrawal has really kicked in. I would've done anything for a fix of the new stuff. So thank God that Million Dollar Decorators had a new episode last night--starring none other than Miss Lindsay Lohan as a client. At this point, I should admit that as a new viewer to the show, I ended up being more captivated by the rest of the segments than Lindsay's. I could listen to Martyn Lawrence Bullard read the phone book--his voice is so soothing. Series recording, set. But anyway, wanna see where Lindsay lives? They didn't show an actual full-on shot of the front of the Venice house, but here's the exterior and entryway--as Kathryn put it, "Gone With the Wind--but smaller." So lovely. And here's Lindsay's bedroom. (They settled on some sort of canopied Marie Antoinette-esque bed--Kathryn was horrified by the above mirrored one, but I sorta like it.) Then there's the living room, which looks pretty chic even pre-Kathryn, if you ask me. The best part of all of this? There's more to come next week. Also, Lindsay apparently gets into one of her car accidents during the read more

First off, I know you don't see me too much over here on Vitamin G, but I found the perfect way to bring my Obsessed pop-culture skills to VG, and I had to share. I took a pole-dancing class with Deena Cortese at Crunch Gym. (The Jersey Shore series finale is TONIGHT, btw!) I was very nervous going into this because 1) I'm not at all athletic. I didn't even own proper exercise sneakers until the day of this event. 2) Based on preconceived notions about what pole dancing entails, I had this completely ridiculous paranoia that I wasn't "sexy" enough for the class. 3) The instructor, Michelle, is a champion pole dancer (yes, such a thing exists), and has insane abs that look like this: But I got over all of that and went, and I'm glad I did. Pole dancing is totally fun, but oh boy, it's a workout to the extreme. You work so many muscles you don't normally use—also, no, absolutely no stripping is involved. There's a reason people are advocating for pole dancing to become an Olympic sport. The workout itself entails a long warm-up period that involves a lot of stretching and some ab read more

They say the world is ending tomorrow, but my world ends tonight--after six seasons, we bid farewell to the oiled, muscled, and leopard-printed Jersey Shore corps. We had a good run--and we learned so much. Things like: First of auhl, it's never--EVER--a good idea to leave an anonymous note. Source You CAN flatiron/crimp extensions. But we're not guaranteeing it'll go well. Source There's something called fist-pumping and it's a dance move and everyone but you knows how to do it. Source Your name is not enough. You're going to need a nickname, and preferably an acronym for you and your friends (such as MVP). Source Meatballs aren't just for dinner, and cartwheels/droppin' it like it's hot aren't just for when you're wearing pants. Source If you're single and looking--like really, desperate-giggle-style looking--just give your search for satisfaction a cute name like "Snookin' for love." You'll up your breezy factor by 80 percent. Source Hot tubs should come with a CarFax-style incident history. Source Before leaving the house, take the time to quality-test your boob configuration. Source Ducks can be phones! Source There is such a thing as too much spray tan. There is definitely such a thing as too much read more

Fashion designer Betsey Johnson made it big 10 or so years ago with her over-the-top prom-style dresses the color of cupcake frosting but last year, the business went into bankruptcy. Now, she's ready to start up again, with a new lower-priced line that will be sold at Nordstrom (starting at $99) and a reality TV show that will air on the Style Network in March. “The producers keep telling me to stop playing to the camera,” she told the New York Times. “But I think they might let me get away with it.” I'm rooting for Betsey's return to fashion (and I hope it means we get another fun runway show, complete with her trademark cartwheel at the end!) Are you excited to check out her new collection? Photo: Fairchild Archive read more