Wednesday, July 15, 2009

The Tuesday Top 10: Favorite Inbred Movies

I never quite realized just how many horror movies focus on inbreeding until I sat down to compile this particular list, a special request from a very special Vault Dweller. Apparently, there is much horror to be found in the illicit, deranged fruits of incestuous breeding. Can't say I can argue with that one. So without further ado, I give you some of the most infamous examples of horror flicks featuring wacked-out inbreds....

10. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)This collection of cannibalistic Longhorns has to take the cake as far as the homicidal families of horror go. And although this go-around wasn't as horrifying as their original appearance, it was a hell of a lot more graphic and gory, and depicted in awful detail just what this opportunistic family was capable of doing to make a buck in tough economic times...

9. Cabin Fever (2002)Bizarre psycho rednecks are only tangentially involved in this tale of a flesh-eating virus run amok in the woods, but I would be remiss if I didn't mention it. I know I can't specifically prove that these particular backward yokels are in fact, inbred, but I say we can bend the rules just a bit to embrace the entire spectrum of deranged rednecks, ok?

8. Nightbreed (1990)Speaking of homicidal country bumpkins who may or may not be the product of sibling sex, this underrated Clive Barker gem is rife with them. The bizarre mutants of the film are, in fact, nowhere near as warped and terrifying as the idiotic yet dangerous locals who come after them for a good ol' fashioned country mutant lynchin'!

7. Redneck Zombies (1987)Speaking of rednecks, this film is filled with the undead variety. The reason? Well it seems that Jethro and Goober done accidentally hooked up the moonshine still to some nuclear waste. Yes, that's actually the plot. An early direct-to-video underground fave of the 1980s.

6. Lake Dead (2007)Some money-hungry relatives descend on the property of a deceased relative, only to discover a gaggle of homicidal (and most likely inbred) psychos taking up residence inside. One of the early entries in the After Dark Horror-Fest.

5. Black Christmas (2006)This inferior remake plays up the inbreeding angle, with our homicidal leading man, Billy, fathering a daughter with his own mother, and later trying to blind her after killing his mother and her lover. When Billy escapes the mental institution to get some closure with his sister/daughter, all holy hell breaks loose.

4. Spider Baby (1968)The degenerate, multi-generational inbred Merrye family takes center stage in this chestnut. They're so messed up that their minds turn to mush as they approach adulthood, and they begin to do unspeakable things that must be covered up by their ever-loyal chauffeur. Proof that the gene pool needs a little chlorine every once in a while.

3. Wrong Turn (2003)Just your basic, "young people being stalked in the woods by demented country inbreds" flick, this one nevertheless has some good scares and memorable effects--especially the infamous shovel-to-the-face. Oh yeah, and it takes place in West Virginia. The check from the WV Tourism Board is on the way, fellas!

2. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)Once again, the unforgettable collection of Leatherface, The Hitchhiker, Grandpa and the Old Man, rear their (extremely) ugly heads here to represent for seriously effed-up backwoods cannibals everywhere. This movie is an unassailable horror classic, and would easily get the number-one spot, if it weren't for...

1. Deliverance (1972)Admit it, when you first read what this list was about, the first line that entered your head was "Squeal like a pig!" This movie has literally become synonymous with the dangers of backwoods America. Burt Reynolds, Tom Voight and Ned Beatty are three city slickers utterly terrorized by a gang of sodomizing wackjobs. But seriously, I think Gilbert Gottfried said it best--given the choice of having their way with any of these three guys, why in the hell would they choose Beatty? Just askin'...

Even though its not a feature length film, that episode of The X-Files with the inbred family was really creepy the first time I saw it. The baseball wielding brothers, the quadruple amputee mother under the bed, the burying of dead inbred babies in the back yard, creepy. I kind of wish they just made that last X Files movie about that family.

B, I suggest you track down the X-Files ep in question (again, Home from Season 4) and check it out. It's a great stand alone ep, and a episode that doesn't require a lot of character backstory knowledge.

Which horror film *should* be remade?

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Welcome to the Vault....

I've been fascinated with horror ever since my parents let me watch The Exorcist at 8 years old (what were they thinking??) and I ran up to my bed screaming when Linda Blair's eyes rolled into the back of her head.Although it often gets a bad rap from "mainstream" critics and audiences alike, horror has often been the most creative and vibrant movie genre of all, from Nosferatu to Saw. Some of the finest motion pictures ever made are part of the horror genre, including Frankenstein, Psycho, The Shining and my personal all-time favorite, George Romero's Dawn of the Dead.This blog is the culmination of my 25-year love affair with all things blood and guts--so check back here often for news and opinion on the world of horror. And remember...