Poetry Forum

Greetings to all. Love to chat but it seems not too many poetsoupers avail themselves for a chat??? New to this site, I've been writing poetry for a year now. I absolutely adore it! I have a Ph.D in Theology from The Claremonts' School of Theology. I used to be a minister for Metropolitan Community Church of Los Angeles before I retired. I was born in Chicago but came to California when I was three. I now reside in Long Beach...you can see I've just found the color button... Hey I just found a photo to post but can't????????any advice? Happy Holidays and have a lovely 2011.edited by waggishwoman on 12/30/2010

How this: (it's very civil)When you are alone together, just say I'd like to speak with you for a minute. I hope you don't find this offensive but, everytime you bring up (the ex's name) it really hurts my feelings. I feel you're like you really don't want (boyfriends name) and I to be together?

Ask it in a question that way she will have to answer it and will know instinctively that you're upset without you becoming angry.

This is a breatifully expressed excellent poem! The imagery is luscious and very well crafted it made me ravenous. There are just a few spelling errors I'd recommend fixing:Third line: should be two words "candle lit" table...Fifth line: should be "prized" also on line 13: "crem" should be "creme brulee"This may seem tright but this caliber of writing should be perfect.

Welcome to PS. This site is exception and I'm sure some of your poems are too. Writing for ten years is great...I jealous...I've only been at it for about four months and I'm captivated by all the talent.Julie

Well this is my "High" critique: poetry is more than black or white, good or bad or just the way you put it or make it rhyme...its about art something with many styles good luck exploring your style.Julie

Hi Jeromy... a narrative of a very depressing view of life certainly there is some balance there??? Sometimes life can be so difficult but I wonder what you poem would be like if you talked equally about what you're grateful for??

Hi dave. I really appreciate you how articulate you are. Amall unkneeded words like: "was this", "whenever," "forever", etc. for example: "Moreover, there was total surrender to this pain"...I would have written it in this way: "and she totally surrendered to the pain" very simple loosing excessive Words don't forget the similies and metaphors..."the pain devoured heras a lion devours a lamb calf... or something like that Good luck...Great start!

Visual imagery passes, in translucent azure. A redolent toxin, straight from the waters of this earth. Rhythmic, yet silent, in the burden it bares. For the brilliant flushed blue we see in the air. Soft sculptures engraved for only seconds. Weakening, strengthening, breaking off in sections. Bright twinkling flashes, tearing the sky in two. Crashing melodies through and through. Whistling sporadicly in pitch and tone. Imagery moving to dark sculptured cones. Thrashing, swirling, grasping the land. Mother nature held us in her destructive hand.

You're off to a good start two words "first summer's",The sun "awoke" but yesterday it was weak.

it flickers=two words

always cast=two words

a spring in your step = two words

radiates here=two words

so albeit=two words

amongst=among

There's a few spelling corrections, good luck.

SecretPoet wrote:

This ‘mourning’ was the firstsummer’s day,The sun awoken - awakened, butunlike yesterday it’s weakened,Its glow usually vivid but now itflickers and mercifully fades.Albeit the season whereby the sunrises and ever lasts, even in late evening whereby the sun’sshadow is alwayscast. Today is summer, but today is very different to those of summers past.Unable to wake, unable to rise -not a cloud to be seen, just a vacant sky. There will be no more autumns, nor aspring in your step - and you have experienced your last winter of discontent,season of regret.The light of your sun radiateshere on earth no more, but lest we not forget, the sun is one of many stars, soalbeit one now rests in darkness, one rests amongst many stars.