Dec 13, 2014

Poetry is a lonely endeavour. Not just its writing and
editing, also its publishing. I once heard that the average
German poetry collection has a first edition of 200. And even if these
200 sell out, their production cost won't be covered.

Poetry is the expensive
tapestry that no one values; it has been hanging in the weekend house, collecting dust, and yet it is too precious to discard.

Most of the people I know who like poetry write their own, too. The audience of a poetry reading consists of these friends, other poets who hope for a reading, the hosts, perhaps a publisher, and, if you get lucky and there is no cover charge, one or two regulars. We poets know nobody cares.

I understand. Or, rather: I oscillate between a fair amount of sympathy for the public disinterest in my art form and its utter incomprehension. Editing line breaks is a quaint - albeit oddly satisfying - activity. And yet I'm still surprised to see that Google Maps knows of only one poetry museum and only one poetry library, in Washington D.C. and London respectively. Bookstores are dying, and with them narrow shelves of dated volumes. Soon, Plath and Hughes will be a distant memory. Already it feels like poetry never happened.

The educational system and the mainstream media don't help. To the wider public, poetry still is a country estate ruled by dying old white men, catered to by minority groups with immigrant accents.

There is a disconnect between what people see and poets say. No wonder that contemporary poetry remains unknown and, by extension, tragically irrelevant. Unless we add some music and a sexy dress, our work will go unnoticed.

And while we might be comfortable in our corners and desk chairs, we aren't comfortable in our inconsiderableness. By the inaccessible nature of our art, our influence on society is frustratingly limited. To the audience, we are not painters or photographers. More often than not, our peculiarities are too peculiar for the front page.

I can only speculate about the origin of this estrangement. A lack of visibility, perhaps a perpetual missing of the right place and time in world history, and no real opportunity for dialogue.

Let's talk. Let me approach the indifferent among you by sharing the story behind my new poetry collection's opening poem, "narcoses".

narcoses i walk out on you forwatching you sit is unstayableforehead of yours and my eyesas if glued to your chest andin mine still a fear of thethree different types of narcosisthis moment so long stillyou lie on our night whenyou wallow like blood throughthe cells (and space is butthe darkest blot on charts)me walks away from you forstaying is unsitable andthinking of sharing myselfwith myself here won’t do melike you.

Narcoses is a poem about consciousness. And a hot anesthetist I met over dinner one night. A mutual friend had invited us out for Korean. I was still relatively new to Berlin, in the final stretch of a relationship with a doctoral candidate and I could use the distraction.

The guy sat down opposite me and we started talking. Amongst other things, he told me about the three different ways he puts patients to sleep: by oral medication, gas, and injection. In a surprising pang of attraction, I regretted that he was off-limits.

I went home soon, pondering life in an alternate universe. The delta of chance, appeal and restraint was a little too much; the enigma of life too mysterious.

In its German original title, "narcoses" is "three kinds of numb". Clumsy sounding words throughout the poem ("unsitable", "unstayable") mimic the uneasy situation I was in. While last three lines, "thinking of sharing myself with myself here won't do me like you" are intentional references to masturbation and intercourse, I was actually referring to a notional connection between strangers.

The German Original

Click here for the German version of this article including a German recording of the poem and its written German original.

Giveaway

I
am giving away three copies of Underwaterdawn. If you'd like one, send
an email with the subject line "Underwaterdawn" to
mail [at] anninaluzieschmid [dot] net before 31 January 2015. Don't forget to include your full name and mailing address.

Support and Buy
Underwaterdawn can be ordered at the cost of 16,90€ plus shipping at any bookstore (ISBN-10: 3981506197 or ISBN-13:978-3981506198), via my publisher’s online shop, via email (recommended when ordering from outside Germany) or via Amazon.de. Reviews on Amazon would also really help. Other than that, a share of this article will be greatly appreciated. Thanks you.

Review
If you are a blogger or member of the press and would like a reviewer's copy of Underwaterdawn, please get in touch with my publisher. We would love to hear from you.

Dec 10, 2014

The other day, Trotzendorff
blogged about important music in his life. He listed ten crucial songs
and albums and invited his readers to share their own. Challenge accepted.

To build a little bit of suspense, I thought I would list my ten most important albums here and make a playlist of my 16 most important songs for this year's Christmas Letter (a single-purpose, free of charge, yearly newsletter I send out to friends and readers detailing the highlights of my year; feel free to sign up, if you like!).

1985: Brothers in Arms - Dire StraitsMy first ever CD, given to me by mydad.

1991: bloodsugarsexmagic - Red Hot Chili PeppersMy boyfriend of the time's favourite album. Hated it at first, but there was no escape and I learned to appreciate it.

1995:Jagged Little Pill - Alanis MorrissettePoet, feminist, role model. I also came to really like the acoustic version of that album.

1996: Trailer Park - Beth OrtonMajor influence on my taste of music. She rarely plays concerts anymore, but I saw her live in Berlin in 2012,
at an awesome, intimate gig. Felt like meeting an old friend who has no idea you exist.

Nov 14, 2014

In light of the current heated debate surrounding my post on Why I Stopped Practicing Ashtanga Yoga (do note that I didn't call it Why YOU Should Stop Practicing Ashtanga Yoga), I came across this awesome video by my friend Veronica today. She runs a YouTube channelwhere she discusses literature and related issues, and this clip here on why it is important to reflect the culture you're surrounded by and think critically every now and then is a true gem! In case she talks a little too fast for your liking, you can watch the clip in half speed at Soundslice. A well invested seven to fourteen minutes.

Nov 11, 2014

I will not lie: It took me a while to wrap my head around why I would need Tagpacker. To be perfectly honest, I thought of it as yet another social network with no chance in hell. And yet, these days I am not only happily employed there, I'm addicted to it. I don't have the slightest idea how I got by without it.

The concept in a nutshell

Tagpacker lets you save, organize and share your favorite content. It's a bookmarking tool as well as a social network, and of course it's free of charge. It's useful for everyone, but especially people who deal with large amounts of information: Bloggers, writers, students, researchers, journalists, scientists, and anyone with a hobby.

>>At Tagpacker, we believe that managing information should be fun.
An easy drag and drop technology coupled with a genius search engine and
a revolutionary tagging system will make you love your life just a little
bit more.<<

Unlike all the other social media tools out there, Tagpacker will actually increase your productivity instead of waste your time. One of the key features from my perspective is its awesome searchability. There's just nothing like it, and if I were Google, I would buy us out.

How it works

First, you sign up for free. Personally, I sign up with Facebook, but that's not mandatory at all, just convenient.

Then, you fill in your profile and start saving links.

-> We've made a First Steps on Tagpackervideo to walk you through the process. Essentially, we'll provide you with a bookmarklet for your toolbar. All you'll need to do is surf to a URL that you like and hit the PACK IT! button. While saving links, you'll get a chance to comment on them or edit how you would like them to appear on your profile. Now, and this is the important step, you tag the link with whatever key word ("tag") you find suitable, and hit save. There's also the possibility of importing preexisting link collections in HTML-files.

Over time, you’ll notice that patterns emerge. Thanks to Tagpacker, I now know that while I thought I was collecting articles on blogging, I am really a sucker for how-tos and recipes. Who would have thought?

And because we only just started out, everything smells brand new. The platform is wide open and all your favorite usernames are still available. Anyone can establish themselves as an expert in their field by collecting links they were going to save anyway.

The catch

The only two things to keep in mind when setting up your profile are:

As of yet, all user profiles are public. This might remind you of when Pinterest started out. The good news is that we’re already working on private settings.

It’s highly addictive. #getpacking and you will know what I mean! Once you're beyond your first fifty links, you won't want to imagine life without it. Plus you'll get to see all the stuff your friends and colleagues care about.

Help us succeed

Like any other startup out there, we depend on your support. If you like our platform, please tell your friends that you do, and please give us honest feedback. We're at least as interested in your opinion as we are in your Facebookand Instagramlikes, and Twitter follows. Should you have any further questions or concerns, get in touch via mail [at] tagpacker [dot] com. We’d love to hear from you!

Nov 8, 2014

“I don’t have time.” Right.
“I have no desk. I mean, I do, but I can’t work there.” Riiiiiiight.
“I have nothing to say and no one will care.” Big societal trap, especially for women. Most definitely untrue!

Whether you are a blogger or a journalist or neither, here is why you should write your book sooner rather than later:

Your ideas matter

It is hard to believe, and it might sound outrageous, but it is actually true: Your ideas matter! If everyone had kept mum about their beliefs and desires, men would never have procreated. There would be no science, no culture, and no one at all to look up to. Also, we need way more famous female writers anyway.

Your experience is both unique and universal

We are going through life on our own, but also together. You might be the only gay person from a minority background in your provincial hometown, but you are not alone in your country, and certainly not in the world. Chances are that if you have found ways of dealing with depression, other depressed people are dying to find out how you coped. Even if your situation is complicated and your circumstances are special, the rest of us will know how to distill advice from what you said.

You will have ideas you never thought you could come up with

Writing will make your imagination run wild. One thought will lead to the next and then, before you know it, something amazing will happen, whose mastermind is: you. It's pretty magical.

Nobody else will

There is really just one way to get it right, and it will be your way. Stop wasting time pondering someone else’s ideas - unless, of course, you are planning on discussing them in your book. Vice versa, unless you are putting out (and I am very much using a figure of speech here), no one will waste their own precious brain cells dissecting yours.

It might get published

It took me 17 years to publish my first poetry collection, counted from its oldest poem to the day I was asked to submit my manuscript. Was my book worth the wait? Absolutely. I love how it feels, smells, opens, and closes. And yet, I was a writer before I got signed, and I will remain one, whether or not I will ever be published again. There is no shame in not getting published, only regret in not trying.

Speaking up is important in the grand scheme of things

Yes, jobs, kids, and dogs are important, too. But surfing the Internet hours on end? Not so much. Alltheseinterestingarticles will still be there when you are done writing. With the only difference being that you used your time on earth creating something that, perhaps, will survive you. One hundred years from now the people we see on the street will have disappeared. There will be a different crowd walking around. It is on us, today, to pay forward the good and the bad and the ugly.

It will be worth it

The journey is the reward, not the money you will not be making. Published or not, writing a book will prove to yourself that you are a writer. You will learn facts about things you never even knew existed. Writing 500 words per day will get you a novel in under four months. Or 250 in eight. Even to a chronically half-blocked writer like myself, that sounds doable. In any case, you’ll gain a reputation. At least in your family circle.

Oct 27, 2014

I have been out of the Yoga loop for a good six months now. Before I
left my studio and mat, I was an avid and dedicated practitioner of
Ashtanga Yoga: I had a regular, six day a week practice, had completed
150 hours of Yoga teacher training as well as a massage and injury
prevention certificate, was an assistant teacher and wrote a popular
enough Yoga blog. I was a vegetarian at first, then a vegan, and in the
middle of developing an interest in macrobiotic cuisine. I was part of a
dedicated community and a student of a well-known teacher. I even found
myself a Yoga teaching husband. I thought that whatever would happen, I
would do Yoga.

And then, weirdly, happiness happened. And by
happiness, I mean the kind of contentment that will let you rest and
relax. Calmness and ease unfolded, and I started seeing my daily
practice in a different light. Here are some of my thoughts:

Ashtanga Yoga is a relationship outside of your relationship

It
has become my conviction that anyone who practices Ashtanga
religiously, and by that I mean six days a week, all year, every year,
is missing something vital in their personal life. These people - and I
know I was one of them for a long time - are looking for something they
will not find on their Manduka mats. Ever.

Exercising on more than four days a week is unhealthy

Studies like this one
show that exercising on six days a week for a prolonged period of time
is actually detrimental to your health. Every health professional, coach
and personal trainer on the face of the earth would agree. No wonder
Ashtangis look skinny and tired and hurt themselves all the time.

There is no wisdom in practicing through injuries

No
wisdom at all. When you are injured, you need to rest, and probably
anti-inflammatories. Surely you can stretch your legs while dealing
with a wrist injury, but you should definitely not put any weight on
your hands. Again, any health professional would agree. You only have
one right knee, one left shoulder, one set of lower back vertebrae.
There is a reason why doctors suggest you should rest. There is also mass
intelligence. If Ashtanga really had all the answers, everyone on the
face of the earth would be doing it. Guaranteed. You are the only expert
on your condition, and if something hurts, you are telling yourself to
hold off.

Ashtangarexia is alive and happening

The definition of addiction, as I have recently learned during one of Emory University’s online lectures on coursera,
is: “A repeated behavior with a negative impact (causing distress of
some sort or health problems, for example), where you are unable to
stop, require an increased frequency or dosage, and display symptoms of
withdrawal avoidance.”

Now, I don’t know about you guys, but
after a certain point in my practice, I could check off all of these
indicators. I had lower back problems, the pressure to maintain my daily
practice caused distress, but I wasn’t able to stop, either, because I
was too afraid of taking a day off and losing all the ‘progress’ I had
made. The fact that my practice had turned me a into an ascetic hermit
without a real social life wasn’t even something I worried about at the
time. With hindsight, however, some of what you say and do as an
Ashtangi really is a bit cuckoo. I mean, let’s not kid ourselves: You
can’t balance your chakras by chanting mantras in a language you don’t
speak. Eating garlic when you’re healthy doesn’t make you a bad person.
Be kind to yourself. Don’t fall into the rabbit hole of Ashtanga
obsession, only to never be seen again.

If you know you have an issue Yoga cannot solve, seek help

Very
maybe, you are trying to work through some intense trauma. Perhaps your
upbringing was terrible, or maybe you suffer from an eating disorder
nobody knows of. Yoga can have amazing positive effects on our mental
health, but there are certain situations in life that point you towards
professional help. Both you and your teacher need to admit that while
Supta Kurmasana might release day-to-day stress, it’s not at all an
adequate treatment for PTSD. Neither are shopping sprees at lululemon.

Authorization equals a frequent flyer reward

This
is a line my husband came up with, and he is so right. These days, it
seems, what you have to do to get recognized as a teacher is go to
Mysore often enough (read: pay enough money), and someone will bestow
upon you the reward in form of authorization. This is irrespective, of
course, of your level of experience or teaching skills. On average, if
I’m not mistaken, authorization will be granted after four or five trips
of several months each, at a monthly cost of €400 or so. There are so
many students going through the shala these days, that Sharath himself
can’t keep track anymore. I have heard of people who were offered
authorization twice. Not for free, of course, the authorization itself
comes at a price. Later, there’s the added cost of certification, and
psssst, it’s expensive. While I understand that everyone needs to make
money, a hierarchical fee scheme seems pretty… unyogic.

The tradition isn’t evolving, it’s arbitrary

Sunday
as the new Saturday? Changes in the sequence just so that the student
traffic in Mysore can be handled more efficiently? Come on! No problem
with making changes to your own organization, but why does the whole
world need to follow? If you are serious about your Yoga, you will not
brag about what pose you’re on, how many trips to Mysore you have taken
in the past, how many you will be taking in the future, or how many
people came to take your class on any given day. On that same note:

Teaching Yoga isn’t a profession - it’s a side job

I
have been warned about this, and I will do my duty and warn you: Do.
Not. Quit. Your. Occupation. For. An. Unlikely. Career. In. Yoga. Don’t
do it! Yoga is like blogging. It is something that is best enjoyed in
small, fun doses on the side. Unless you will be moving to a town where
there is not a single Yoga teacher within a radius of at least 50
kilometers, do not open a Yoga studio. You will be losing all your
money, and you will be left with no perspective after 35. Do yourself a
favor and trust me on this one.

So - do I miss my practice?
Sure, sometimes I do. What I miss about it most are its superficial
aspects, though: being strong and flexible, looking fit. These days, I
prefer to take my dog on forest walks and go for runs. I enjoy the fresh
air, and that I get to make my own schedule. When I will return to the
mat, it will be on my own terms, in my own time.

Sep 20, 2014

An
insightful documentary that follows the only four remaining doctors in
the US that perform late-term abortions after one of their colleagues
was assassinated by anti-abortion fanatics. Both the patients' and doctors' stories are
heartbreaking, and there's a dire need for successors.

The attempt at a portrait of the always elusive J.D. Salinger. Thanks to this documentary I know now that not only did he have an interesting WWII biography, he also took a dubious liking to very young women.

Being
European, I shake my head whenever I'm reminded that
there's no public health care in the US. It's
absolutely unbelievable to me that so many Americans still oppose the introduction of medical services for everyone - why?! The Waiting Room
does a great job at portraying the physical and psychological distress caused by the lack of affordable public health care.

Linor
Abargil was brutally attacked and raped a couple of weeks before she
won the Miss World title in 1998. She has since become one of the most famous advocates in the fight against sexual violence. The
documentary illustrates her struggle, but also how she manages to move forward with her life and finish law school.

Jul 2, 2014

When I first came to Berlin in 2007, I didn't know anyone. I had just quit a depressing internship with a large corporation in Munich. A city that I, on top of hating my job, never warmed up to. Its topography didn't make sense, and to this day the sexist culture that is its yearly Oktoberfest brings tears to my eyes.
Instead of fulfilling nonsensical formatting requests, I wanted to write. I didn't want to move outlines by two millimeters, I wanted to enter short story competitions and blog on Words On A Watch.

For a while, family friends had been offering me their holiday home in Berlin as a writing space. They didn't want any rent and said Berlin was the perfect place for young poets. Self-absorbed and clueless as I was, I didn't see the perks of writing groups and didn't believe that Berlin had much more to offer than my hometown Frankfurt. Surely, Frankfurt was famous for its airport and financial district rather than its literary scene, but I had visited Berlin before and could barely remember anything other than Brandenburg Gate and the remaining parts of the Berlin Wall. And yet, I had five months to kill before grad school and nowhere else to go.

Thus, I moved onto the border between Prenzlauer Berg and Friedrichshain. From there, I set out on long BVG trips to find other writers. Armed with a paper map and the most recent edition of zitty, I travelled from one literary event to the next. After two weeks or so, I found Lauter Niemand, a 'literature lab'. At the time it was headed, amongst others, by Adrijana Bohocki, a fellow poet. Little did I know that Lauter Niemand was the creative hub for a number of now famous contemporary German poets: Steffen Popp, Daniel Falb, Ann Cotten, Monika Rinck, Ron Winkler, and Hendrik Jackson, to name but a few.

Thanks to Adrijana's encouragement, I spent a lot of time writing. And discussing my writing, too. I had never shared my work with other authors before, let alone with such talented ones. Our weekly workshop sessions helped me understand the importance of continuous advice and support in the development of some one's voice. Writers need encouragement. Female writers especially benefit from the patronage and promotion offered by established networks.

Last fall, I got the chance to attend one of Donna Stonecipher's poetry workshops in Berlin. This was shortly before I moved to Toronto, and posed another great opportunity to focus on my writing and get competent and valuable feedback on it.

Here in Canada, I miss a place like that; I miss discussing other people's work as much as the discipline that comes with regular writing homework. In the hopes to find like-minded people, I launched Onto Torontotoday, Toronto's first Berlin-inspired poetry and literature collective. Besides frequent writing groups, I would like to teach and host workshops, organize readings, and of course, publish the free magazine that the Onto Toronto blog will hopefully become.

For this to work, Onto Toronto needs participants. If you are a writer, or know of someone who might be interested in sharing their work, please let them know that we are currently accepting submissions (find out more on how to submit original work here). You do not need to live in Toronto or the Greater Toronto Area to be considered for publication - just write a poem, a story, or submit a photo!

Apr 8, 2014

My sister will be visiting Berlin this month and asked for insider tipsabout what to see and do. I compiled this list and thought it might be interesting for some of you out there as well. Full disclosure: All of the places and brands listed here are personal recommendations. None of them have compensated me in any way, shape or form for mentioning them in this post. Feel free to add your own recommendations in the comment section!

walk, walk, walk

I love walking around Berlin. My favorite routes include the following, just click on the bold print for detailed directions:

If you're pressed for time or too lazy to walk, take the bus. The
100 bus is a sightseeing tour for a tenth of the normal price, pretty much.
For 2,60€, you can ride from Alexanderplatz to Bahnhof Zoo and view most
major Berlin sights. Try visitberlin.de for more information on the 100 and more typical things to see and do in Berlin.

eat lots of vegan food

Undoubtedly,
Berlin is Germany's vegan capital. From lifestyle blogs to meaty looking burgers to
fashion, fancy dining and even enitre vegan supermarkets, you can get
anything cruelty free. Veggie Love is a great resource for vegan trends, Berlin veganis the community
page to research vegan food in your area - they even have an app for when
you're on the go! My personal favorite vegan restaurants include Satyam (sooo good and super affordable) and Kopp's (a little more expensive, best to make reservations). I also enjoy the coincidentally vegan vegetarian platter at Abissinia, an Ethiopian restaurant owned by Dantina, the friendliest owner ever.

go to a concert / the ballett / a reading

Berlin
overflows with all things cultural. There's really
something interesting for everyone! Before I turned 30, I liked to take advantage of
the ClassicCard, with which you can go see balletts for as little as 10€. Even when you're over thirty, though, tickets to the Staatsballett Berlin are inexpensive in international comparison.

For booking concert tickets, there are plenty of options, but I always liked eventim: You can buy online tickets with them for (almost) any event, then all you have to do is download, print and bring them. Easy as pie.

Berlin's
literary scene is awesome, too. There's the young and hip Literaturwerkstatt in Prenzlauer Berg's event space Kulturbrauerei, and also the somewhat posh Literaturhaus
close to Ku'Damm. The Literaturhaus has a nice café attached to it,
where Berlin's rich intelligenzia likes to hang out. With plenty of
shops around the corner, it makes for a nice stop after a visit to the Gedächtniskirche and/ or the surrounding shops. Three relatively hidden gems in the same street are Umasan (vegan fashion), lululemon athletica's City West Showroom (Canadian sports fashion and free Yoga classes on the weekends) and Thull + Schneider
(fine scarves) - neither of these are for shoppers on a budget, though. If you like your readings a little more indie and underground, try Kookbooks publishing for contemporary poetry readings that often include musical performances, too, and usually end with a party.

see art

After
London, Berlin is my second favorite city when it comes to art. There is
so much stuff - from ancient to postmodern, decent to crazy. My personal museum of choice is the Hamburger Bahnhof near the central station. The East Side Gallery
(art painted on remaining parts of the Berlin Wall) is another hit with
visitors. To get an idea of just how many museums there are, try Museumsportal Berlin for more info, exhibition recommendations and up to date news on what's on.

shop around Weinmeisterstraße

The
area around Ubhf Weinmeisterstr and the Hackesche Höfe certainly is one
of the most exciting and convenient to shop in. With a cool mix of international
brands and national designers, the younger audience will certainly find
something to their liking. Famous cafés Barcomis (bagels! chocolate fudge cake!) and St. Oberholz
(wifi!) are nearby, too, and if you have time, you might want to
explore the small designer shops around Mulackstr and sample Mamecha's green tea selection.

get a cheap massage

My favorite place to get a massage in Berlin is with the lovely ladies of Bootsabong.
30€ for 60 minutes of traditional Thai Massage is an unbeatable price even for Berlin standards, and
quality and service have always been impeccable. While you're in the
area, take a stroll around the shops and restaurants
on Bergmannstr. and the Marheinekeplatz. Parlamento Degli Angeli has some of the best pizza in town. If you like your Italian food a little more upscale, try the Osteria No.1 at the bottom of Berlin's Viktoriapark. Tomasa at Villa Kreuzberg offers great brunch. Just make sure to reserve your tables, as all three places can get pretty busy.

do yoga!

Berlin
offers Yoga for every taste, and most studios welcome
travelling drop-ins (a
drop-in class usually costs around 15€). There are also plenty of interesting workshops with visiting international teachers - try the Jivamukti events list. With lululemon having set up
shop in the city last summer, there are also opportunities to take free
classes on the weekend in one of their Showrooms (Mitte and West). For fancy studio time and English language instruction try Spirit Yoga.

get a hair cut

Berlin is
renown for it's avant-garde style, and quite a few of Berlin's hair
salon's are different from what you are likely to know. Salon Notaufnahme in Prenzlauer Berg, for example, offers a live DJ and loud club music while you're getting your new look. For Rockabilly styling, try Kaiserschnitt and their 1950's inspired shop in Friedrichshain.

spend a night at Kumpelnest or Kaffee Burger

I know Berghain is all the rave, but I've spent some of my most enjoyable Berlin nights in the curiosity shops that are Kumpelnest 3000 and Kaffee Burger.
Both places attract a cool mix of locals, tourists and crazies, and
should make for unforgattable early mornings. Don't start your nights off
there, though, go as late as possible!

Mar 1, 2014

I'm getting married this year, and here are ten things I won't do just because:

Lose weight for a dress

No way in hell will I subject myself to this kind of unnecessary pressure! Everyone knows perfectly well what I normally look like, my
partner loves and accepts me for who I am, and the time wasted on counting
calories will be better invested in finding an outfit that underlines my personality. And who says it has to be a dress I should be wearing in the first place? No need for white, either. (Although I will probably end up wearing off-white.) There's also the possibility of getting a second hand dress, if you're into vintage. Here in
Toronto there's a great charity called The Brides' Project that resells used wedding dresses and donates all profits to cancer charities.

Have a hen night

Oh, the embarrassment! On average, a group of thirteen women spends their day learning
how to mix cocktails, lying around with pieces of cucumber on their faces or running
their fingers over some Chippendale's abs. In the UK, the cost of
hen nights increased by about 50% from £102 to £157 per person in the past five years alone, with travel destinations becoming ever more exclusive: Las Vegas and Barcelona are the new Manchester and Bristol. And aside from the monetary cost, there seems to be a moral one, too; 43%
of British women (and 73% of British men) will lie to their partner about what happened
that night. The only way I could see myself
bidding farewell to my legally single life - that I won't be missing at
all - would be a night in with my friends of all genders. Why limit the
fun to my female friends?

Keep my last name just for the sake of it

Within 90 days of my wedding, I will legally change my surname to Oliver's. This is not because I want to become his property, but
because I like his name better than mine. Simple as that. If my name would have been cooler, he would have changed his. Since we
are a bi-national couple, I believe that sharing the same name will
simplify legal matters, especially when we are travelling. Should we
ever have kids, I want them, too, to have the same
name. However, I will never refer to myself as
"Mrs. Oliver Dawson-Clark". I am Annina. Annina Dawson-Clark for friends and family and before the law, and Annina Luzie Schmid for everyone else. I'm eager to continue publishing
under my maiden name, because this is how people have gotten to
know me, and because a pen name creates what I believe to be a healthy distance between your professional and private lives.

Have my dad walk me down the aisle

This is because the tradition of one man handing me over to another is crazy. I am my own woman. And there is a practical
problem, too: I have a biological father that I get along with
very well, and also a step dad that I get along with equally well. So,
if anything, they would have to walk on either side of me, with my mom and step moms somewhere
in the picture, too. Like Jessica Valenti. She and her husband Andrew had both their parents walk them both down the aisle. If I did the same, I would have a procession of five just for myself. Pretty awesome, really.

Serve meat

I'm sure you have read plenty about veganism and vegetarianism in the past year, so I won't give you the whole rundown on why I think that a vegetarian, mostly vegan diet is the way forward. Thanks to my daily,
dedicated Ashtanga Yoga practice, I know of the effects that eating meat and
dairy have on my body, and I know that animals do not
deserve to die for my indulgence. Given the choice, I oppose serving my guests with
platters of death. Veggie buffets tend to be easier on the budget, too, and there are plenty of awesome vegan wedding cakes.

Invite people we don't normally see

There's
always uncle Jimmy who your mother
has very fond memories of showing her the Roman Basilica in 1973. And your neighbour Cynthia who keeps bringing you cookies because she is lonely. These people sure are nice, but they do not need to be at my wedding. I want to spend the
occasion with people dear to my heart. A wedding invite is a lovely gesture, but it shouldn't come from a bad conscience. Our wedding day is not the time to accommodate other people.

Save money on the photographer

My friend Jenn advised me that the one thing we shouldn't economize
on is a decent photographer. She had held her own informal wedding in
the backyard, with disposable cameras put on tables for people to use... And it didn't go well. Jenn said that while she
did get a bunch of nice shots from this, the moments most important
to her were lost. Being the photography fiend that I am, it didn't
take much convincing; I'm pretty sure the photographer we will hire will end
up being the single highest expense in the budget.

Keep a gift registry

One
thing I know is: I won't set up shop as a housewife any time soon. (Even though studies show that most people fall back into traditional gender roles pretty much right after they get hitched.) Rather than pressuring people into
spending their money on kitchen supplies we won't actually need, I will ask them for something we will always enjoy: a
contribution towards the wedding photos, however
small. Like that our guests will help us (and themselves) memorize an important day in our lives. That said, a wedding is
only ever the first step of a journey, and never the one goal or defining moment of a
woman's life.

Read a gazillion wedding blogs - aaaaaaaaaargh!!!

I have limited myself to two: A Practical Wedding for handy advice and Rock n Roll Bridefor a somewhat out of the ordinary approach and pretty pictures. I have stayed away from the other stuff because they tend to reproduce patriarch stereotypes, and also because seeing beautiful things on the
Internet has rarely ever done anything for me aside from empty my pockets. I am making sure, too, that it's not just me who does all the
party planning and organizing. Oliver and I are in this together, and he has agreed to
do his share of the pre-wedding work.

Obsess about every detail

Luckily,
when it comes to decorations, my mother-in-law has got it all figured out.
She's a table setting tornado with a Master's Degree in Art History, and I won't question her taste. I have not set my heart on a
particular colour scheme, flower arrangement or whatever the fuck else it is
that other brides obsess about. While I like a good general
plan about what happens when as to keep our guests
entertained, I trust that some room for happenstance
will actually improve the party. Like with anything else in life,
really. Letting go usually helps lighten up! :)

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