The 50 Shades of Grey Movie Actually Looks Kind of Hot

July 26, 2014 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

So, a couple of years ago, I did that stupid thing that all females at the time were doing: I read “Fifty Shades of Grey”. I thought the writing was atrocious and the characters were really fucking stupid (No one says “Later Babes” or “Holy Cow”), but it was essentially porn for chicks, so I kind of dug it.

However, when I found out it was going to be turned into a movie, I automatically assumed it was going to be total garbage. You can’t try and make a porn into a real, regular theatre going movie. Plus, the story itself is just awful. However, now that the trailer is out, dare I say that the movie looks kind of…good?

Warning: The trailer might be a little NSFW (a movie based on a book all about S&M might be NSFW?! Shocking, I know).

When the trailer first started I was like “Ok, it’s filmed nice and Jamie Doran is hot”, but then that elevator kiss with the “exclusive” version of “Crazy in Love” by Beyonce playing (I love how it said that at the end of the trailer)? Bitch please, I was like “Hell yes! I will go see this! And I will not feel the same shame I felt when I was reading the book!”

When the book came out, I was living with my two best girlfriends and we passed that thing around like it was a vibrator modelled after Ryan Gosling’s dick.

One time, I gave my best friend a pack of batteries for her vibrator, because I was sick of her always stealing the blu ray remote batteries so she could masturbate. That same day, I loaned her my copy of “Fifty Shades of Grey.” Needless to say, I shouldn’t have barged into her room later that night without knocking.

The point of that story? “Fifty Shades of Grey” makes women’s lady parts hurt (in a good way), and this movie looks like it might have all of the good shit without any of the “Holy Cow” or “Inner Goddess”, in which case, how can I pre-order my ticket?