The Heaviest Beast of All!

The Behemoth is a giant ox like creature described in the old testament and used as a metaphor to the supposed power of god. Said to have a tail thick as a cedar, bones like brass or iron and the ability to draw up the River Jordan into its mouth. But otherwise The behemoth lounged around the brooks and willows near the river and munched on nothing but vegetation, leading some researchers to believe he was in fact a very large pachyderm of some variety or even the impossible surviving sauropod.

In Jewish belief the Behemoth is the primordial beast of land, so large and powerful that no one could control or contain it except for the one who created it blah blah blah… but more importantly come the end of days, eventually the behemoth will fight to the death with his watery brother leviathan and pretty much destroy the world in process, but on the bright side all of the righteous survivors will get to feast on behemoth flesh for the rest of their days. (kinda hoping Behemoth meat doesn’t spoil).

Anyways he’s big, really really big, he’s fat, some descriptions give him tusks or horns, sometimes he has toes sometimes he has hooves, and they named a Polish black metal band after him so you know he… well really I don’t know what that means other than corpse paint is probably an acceptable addition this week!

Our judge this week is Mr Craig Hutler! Old work cohort of most of the original contributors and long time carpool buddy to me! An all star product/project owner who taught me the virtue of a zen like patience in the workplace and how to look fantastic in clothes I’d never even consider wearing. He was Milwaukee before Milwaukee was cool, had a sweet motorbike before Kenny, he saw Die Kreuzen before I really kissed a girl and he’s all around a pretty great guy. He’s recently moved out west to the land of sasquatches, crusties and moss laden forests where I’m sure when he’s not changing the world for one of America’s corporate giants, I assume he’s still staying up way too late playing lots an lots of video games. We miss you buddy, wish you nothing but success and really hope you don’t get eaten by a bear!

Man points for dotted bullet lines, captioned fart noises, giant nostrils and tank inclusion! Those awkward hands are fantastic And is he doing the walk of a 1950s -60s era toy robot?

Judge’s Commentary

I can just hear this beast making the fake robot noises of a mentally-challanged Muppet ™. When you tie that together with a Godzilla-style showdown you know what you have? A winner…that’s what you have. A tip of my hat to the artist.

This one feels like the rough for one hell of a snazzy 1970’s era sci fi cover! Just picture it sitting on the shelf by Lucifer’s Hammer, with giant block lettering BEHEMOTH… I’d buy it… I love his lil’ hippo ears, and the lil sea monster

Judge’s Commentary

I see this work in all it’s radiance and instantly I’m reminded of Van Gogh and King Crimson’s “Red” LP. I have no idea why but those are pleasant enough memories to park this magnificent beast in the number two spot.

I could be imagining it but i’m pretty sure his nostrils are calling to me… so big so cavernous! and I sorta love that his beard could be beard or it could be one hell of a giant mouthful of hay! And such petite little hooves!

Judge’s Commentary

As a current resident of Portland I’m confronted with awe inspiring beards almost every day. That said, I may have actually seen this fellow at my local New Season grocery strolling down the beer isle. At the time I believe he was sporting a retro Trail Blazers jersey and was so incredibly mellow I can only assume he’d smoked out in his ’92 Subaru before venturing into the store. Here’s to you mellow bearded behemoth you’ve taken the number three spot.

So if I read this properly, he’s built his metaphorical Alamo of Sand to veil his maturity (in more ways than one) from the observing world and the tsunami of societal pressures and responsibilities that it brings… stirring.

I went big! Hell yes you did and properly so! I love his busted forehorn and the earth squishing a bit cause of his enormous size? I sorta can’t wait for the Doomsday Preppers episode in preparation of this occurrence : )

Sluuurrrppp Aaaaahhh So I was confused for a second cause he’s snoring but to me his eyes are open… Then I remembered he’s really fat. And I think that’s Island but I like to think we are getting an underwater peek at his butt.

Ooh! One part cave painting and one part the grassy spot in my mind! I’m a huge fan of any animal capable of hiding its legs under blubber and this guy does it with style… and could that pup be any happier?

By Gads is this guy cute! From his bumpy lil’ nose to those freaking toes! And I know they make metal shirts bigger than most but can you imagine the shipping costs on that thing! And don’t think I missed that tiny squished camper… very nice!

Knowing the submittor I kinda think this is a Black Metal Behemoth but I swear if you closed the gap between those crazy lil sad eyes just a tinge, he’d be a dead ringer for Violent J! it also has a kinda crazy Gacy vibe, I think it’s the neck?

Yes! it’s been a while since we’ve had a Successories style, little engine that could beast. Almost heartbreaking but with enough hope to carry it through… and dammit if the sneakers aren’t a nice touch!

OK 10 and 11 are pretty obviously from the same artist, I have no issue posting both…The contrast between the way out free flowing ideas and the tightly wound ballpoint lines is unreal!… and does that say BrassOtron or is there a “q” in there?

Now I’m pretty sure I like 10 better but this one obviously gets points for tank inclusion, and the captions, oh how i love the captions, and the free form notebook lettering, and he looks so very very smelly!

Now i mean this in the best way possible but i swear everytime I glance I intantly think to myself “poop sundae!” My biggest concern isn’t even for the village getting squashed by his mass it’s where you get a cherry that big!