After a disappointing impeachment trial, SNL presented The Trial You Wish Had Happened. In it, Mitch McConnell (Beck Bennett) and Lindsay Graham (Kate McKinnon) try to obfuscate, but the court calls for witnesses like John Bolton (Cecily Strong) and Hunter Biden (a hoverboard-riding Pete Davidson), who were both pretty silly. After arriving with a walker to try and Weinstein his way through this trial, Donald Trump (Alec Baldwin) finally admits he's a cheat and a criminal. A decent premise with some good laughs here and there, though it also seemed a lot like The Trump-related Cold Opens That Usually Happen.

Houstan Texans defensive end J.J. Watt made a few jokes at the expense of dim football players and kickers. He was poised and charming enough, mostly making jokes about his family, and, slotted to host on Super Bowl weekend, was solid in this topical gig.

The outtakes for Frozen II provoke a lot of social commentary from the characters in this children's film series. Kate McKinnon played Elsa as a disgruntled gay character, Watt was Kristoff a lovable cuck, and Kenan Thompson was Matias, the only Black character in the Frozen universe. All of this awkwardness made for a fairly funny sketch, though it also came across like the invention of a writer whose kids made them watch Frozen a few times too many, and then their angry mind eventually began to wander into "What if Frozen was self-righteously irritating for some reason?" territory.

This remote was framed as an inspirational sports story about a sub-par football player named Robbie (Chris Redd) being boosted up by his teammates. But they're countered by doubters like Riley (Watt) who's incredibly emphatic about how bad at football Robbie actually is, which was amusing for its cruelty.

Watt played a dad whose son, played by Kyle Mooney, stumbles upon he and his wife having a round of sexual intercourse. After some awkward banter about the incident between the two, Aidy Bryant shows up to further the crass sexual dialogue, which was all pretty juvenile.

Oil of Olay Eye Black

Watt played a pitchman for eye black that football players might normally wear, but in this case, it's an Oil of Olay product that eliminates puffiness beneath one's eyes. That pretty much explains all of the action in this straightforward fake product ad, but it wasn't a particularly funny idea.

Fronting a seven-dude band (complete with a bassist enthusiastically mouthing all of the lyrics), country singer Luke Combs simply belted out "Lovin' On You," like he was a big, backwoods Bono, with just a spirited voice and a mic to lean on to get his song across, which he did. With this and later the down-home "Beer Never Broke My Heart," one can see why Combs' no-frills, dumb-dumb country might have gained him popularity among fans of frivolous things. But his simple pop structures sounded big and were effective on TV.

Weekend Update

Colin Jost lampooned the impeachment trial, lamenting the lack of witnesses and Michael Che did a bit about how he's becoming a Republican because he's sick of losing (sidenote: he already seems like he's a Republican). Jost also made a good observational joke about John Bolton and how many book deals people in Trump's orbit have gotten.

Bowen Yang reprised his excellent character, Chen Biao, who has gone from being a Chinese trade representative to a health minister, which was funny in itself; Biao seems to appear whenever China is in the news cycle, in this case moving on from dealing with the tariffs fiasco to managing the coronavirus outbreak. Yang's Biao remains amazingly sarcastic and enraged and this was great.

After a variety of news jokes (Che had a huge laugh line with a hotel sex joke), Ego Nwodim appeared as Dr. Angie Hynes to discuss Black History Month, but used this opportunity to instead denounce Black people she knows personally who are "history" to her. Nwodim is great and made this work.

The Pilot Hunk

Watt played a Bachelor-like dude who gets to choose between contestants vying for his affection. With virtually all of the non-male-identifying cast members playing idiots, and Watt also playing a jackass, this is a thing the show has done countless times by now, and this endless parade of the lowest forms of humanity certainly satires the vapidity of such reality shows, but there's also nothing new or funny about these anymore.

Watt played himself voicing videogame commentary for Madden 21, but he gets a bit perplexed when some of his dialogue makes him sound like a dweeb or horribly insensitive. With producers, played by Mikey Day and Ego Nwodim, urging him on, Watt is startled to discover how others perceive him, which led to a few funny self-owns.

Another remote ad, Food Dudes was a basic premise about having mannequins on hand so people don't assume you're ordering massive quantities of unhealthy food for just yourself. Despite a great, primary performance by Beck Bennett, this was a rather slight and forgettable thing.

My Fair Bigfoot

Watt played Bigfoot, who has been domesticated by a British scientist in the early 20th century. At a sophisticated party in his honour, Bigfoot is called out for taking a very large shit on the bathroom floor, and much of the comedy that ensued was literally toilet humour. This was silly and slightly better than it had any reason to be, mostly thanks to Kenan Thompson being the star of the show.

Big Willie's Pizza

Watt played a 1970s pizza delivery man who, instead of accepting money from women for their pizza orders, engages all of them in rounds of food bartering involving acts of pornography. When he returns to the restaurant, his boss, played by Kenan Thompson, begins to realize they aren't making any money and interrogates the young man, who, instead of cash, accepts pornographic sex in exchange for pizza, often ordered by women who are curiously short on cash when he shows up, even though they must realize the pizza they ordered is going to cost them money once the food arrives. Because they're unprepared in this regard, they instead ask if the deliveryman will accept pornographic sex acts in lieu of legal tender. Capitalism has a number of loopholes. In any case, this was funny premise, well-executed primarily by Watt and Thompson.