Friday, 20 December 2013

As I’ve mentioned before online dating is a great way for
people to find love, but it’s not always as easy and straightforward as we
would like it to be.

Many people spend months trying to meet the person of their
dreams on the Internet and get nowhere.

The checklist below will help you troubleshoot your cyber
dating experience if things are not going as well as you would like them to.

Have you uploaded a picture?

We’d all like to be loved and appreciated for more than just
our appearance, but the fact is, online daters like to know who they are
talking to. Many people won’t bother contacting someone who hasn’t uploaded a
picture, thinking that person obviously has something to hide. A good picture
is one that shows people what you look like. Don’t be put off uploading one if
you are not conventionally “beautiful”. Whatever you look like, it’s a safe bet
to assume that people who look like you meet and fall in love all the time.
Uploading a clear picture where you’re smiling and look friendly is your best
bet. Headshots are best, with full body shots OK as a second picture.

Is your profile as good as it can be?

Your aim when writing a profile is to make people want to
get to know you. With thousands or even millions of people on a dating site,
putting up a profile that says nothing but “ask me”, won’t make anyone want to
contact you, unless you are a beautiful woman and have uploaded a photo (in
which case, only guys who are after sex would bother contacting you). Show
people a bit about who you are by writing a profile they will actually want to
read. Spend some time actually describing yourself, rather than just listing
adjectives (such as “I’m generous, friendly, good cook” etc.) anyone can write
the words “I’m funny” but not everyone can make you laugh.

Have you tried contacting people?

Whether you are a man or a woman, it helps to get out there
and contact people yourself. Online dating is fast moving us from the times
when men were the ones who had to make first contact and women had to sit back
and wait or be thought of as too “forward”. With so many thousands of people to
choose from, the person you want to talk to may never have a chance to browse
your profile unless you let them know you exist, so do it! Regardless of
whether they’re interested in you or not, no one will ever hold it against you
if you send him/her a message.

How did you communicate?

You think your profile is as good as can be, you’ve uploaded
a friendly picture and have sent messages to as many people as you’ve seen but
still no response. What now? The next
questions to ask involve the way you communicate with others. Was your message
too short? Just writing “hi” or other impersonal, short messages can make
people think your message was not sent personally to them or that you didn’t
feel they were worth spending a few more minutes coming up with something
better to write. Try to write a couple of paragraphs and make the message sound
like you’ve put some thought into it. Maybe comment on that person’s profile
and say why you chose to contact him/her. Unless you are on a web site where
the premise is people have come there looking for sex, don’t be too forward. It
would most likely not be appreciated.

Are you ready for dating?

Sometimes people start dating again too soon after a recent
break-up. Every one of us has done this and we usually can’t tell ourselves
whether it’s too early. Sometimes it’s easy for other people to tell, though.
If you’ve followed all the advice in this article, contacted some people,
started communicating and then never heard back, you could be subconsciously
sending people signals that you are not ready. Maybe you’ve spent too much time
talking about your ex, or about how you feel all men/women are cheaters and
liars etc. If you’ve recently come out
of a relationship, it may be that you need to give yourself time to grieve or
to consolidate what you’ve learned from the experience before you move on.
There is nothing wrong with this and we all heal at our own pace.

Is this the site for you?

Sometimes it does happen that the online dating site you’re
using is not right for you. If you’ve spent a few months on a site, have tried
your best, uploaded your best picture, sent good messages to people and have
gotten nowhere, it could be time to change. Take a look around other dating sites
and sign up for some free trials. In online dating, like in the world of flat
hunting, location is sometimes everything.