What not to wear on holiday

Summer has officially arrived in Majorca and with it flocks of holidaying Britons sporting the sort of clobber that often has locals sniggering, albeit good humouredly.

Until the sudden emergence of unremitting sunshine last week, British visitors arriving on the island were already considered fair game. While Majorcans and expat residents continued to wrap up warmly in jumpers and jackets, especially during the frequent bouts of heavy rain that persisted during May, a number of UK tourists roamed the streets in flip-flops, shorts and barely-there T-shirts. And then there were those who optimistically went hiking in sandals and beachwear and wondered why they came a cropper on the rocks or walking through scrubby terrain.

How to spot Britons abroad

At a restaurant in our local port members of one skimpily clad and shivering family took me to task about the weather. Why was it cold? They’d been told by their tour operator that Majorca was hot in May and June. There was something disarmingly endearing about their genuine belief that Spain was perennially bubbling with heat and rarely witnessed a variation in temperature. But now the glorious sun is out and what fun there is to be had in identifying our countrymen. Sartorial elegance may not be the hallmark of the average Briton abroad but as I frequently point out to Majorcans, the poor devils are on holiday so deserve some leeway.

Yesterday as I enjoyed a coffee with Majorcan friends in our town’s main plaça, they began identifying passing British tourists based on apparel. There were easy peasy, stereotypical targets – lobster red, beer-bellied males sporting tattoos, earrings and back to front baseball caps, young hefty women also the colour of ketchup in miniskirts, tight tops and flip-flops or staggeringly high stilettos, and stag and hen parties boasting identikit wear of the most challenging kind. Less obvious were the fragrant women of a certain age in flowing floral dresses or tasteful Capri pants but invariably their male companions wore short-sleeved shirts, knee length shorts, docksiders -and socks- and a straw hat immediately giving the game away.

Young British males appear to favour Union Jack wear and football team shirts are de rigueur especially in resorts such as Magaluf. Clumpy rubber shoes that might double up as colanders appear to be still very much in vogue as are velcro secured sandals with obligatory wrinkled socks floating above the ankle. Calf length cargo trousers still stalk the resorts usually matched with skin-tight sleeveless T-shirts that perfectly hug the contours of the swollen, super-sized abdomen. Accessories often include water bottles, invariably purchased at an exorbitant price from a street kiosk, lager cans and crisp packets (in the case of young men on the prowl) maps, guide books (if of a certain generation), and British supermarket reusable bags (ideal for wet beachwear).

Of course there are those well-seasoned British travellers who manage to avoid such telltale style gaffes maintaining a low-key demeanour as soon as they reach their overseas idyll. Still, the tinkle of money in any resort is music to the ears and so Brits venturing abroad can be assured that whatever outfit they choose to wear is unlikely to offend providing of course its pockets are lined with gold.

Find out more about Anna Nicholashereor follow her on Twitter@MajorcanPearls