. . . excuses in respect to every suggestion are leading me to believe that since the OP is unwilling to make much of a stand, and is intending to just suck it up. Which is fine, but it renders all these threads as 'woe is me' posts.

One thing I really don't like sometimes about EHell is the number of people agitating that the OP of various threads *should* "make a stand" and create a confrontation, etc.

And you think that getting some encouragement (which I have done from many of the comments here and on the others) is "woe is me"?

(and the only reason this is a third thread is that the mods took my gnocchi thread, which I intended to be about the etiquette of honoring family menus, etc., and moved it to the "Coffee Break" folder. I didn't want to just add on, because I didn't feel this belonged there.)

I don't think you should do anything in particular. My point is that these are your options: take a stand or suck it up. You seem to be choosing suck it up (and I think many others in your position would do the same, probably including myself) so I'm not sure what you need encouragement with. I personally find it difficult to support someone who has made a decision on how to respond to it, but persists in venting over a situation they have no intention of changing.

I think that there's also a third option: change the way you think about Thanksgiving. It could be your chance to serve a meal that you think is perfect and not let anyone else be involved, which seems to be your current view. That's fine, but it carries a pretty serious risk of disappointment. You may be disappointed if something goes poorly or if someone tries to contribute. Your MIL and aunts may be disappointed of you don't let them contribute. Based on your threads, its clearly causing you some undue stress already.

Alternately, you could say "This is my 52nd Thanksgiving, it's not a state dinner, it doesn't need to be huge source of conflict and stress." Make what you want to make, graciously accept the contributions of the other members of the family who want to contribute, and enjoy the company and food on the day. This view will give you fewer headaches in the lead up and a smaller chance of disappointment on Thanksgiving day.

And remind me that my MIL is a 3-D person, and far more sensitive and sensible than my imagination. And that all the negative anticipation inflates things.

She and FIL came early, and she said from the doorway, "is there anything that I can do?" I found that actually, I *was* able to say, "would you help with this one task?"And she helped with the stacking of the dishes after the main course, which was hugely helpful (especially because she did the same thing I would have done--scrape and stack according to dish type).

All her trips into the kitchen were short and purposeful, so it felt really helpful.

The other thing I need to remember is this: When I am *with* her, any annoyances become very fleeting. Dwelling on them at other times only inflates them

All the other aunts & cousins were great "family guests." You know, the kind that offer to help without it seeming weird. And I said to them all, "not right now, but if something comes up, I *will* get you." And I did for a few things here and there.

(One aunt brought an eggplant rolitini dish I hadn't planned on, but again--in the moment, it was fine. We wedged it in, and everybody ate it. And my MIL brought a small pasta dish that my kids would eat.)

And it was the LOUDEST Thanksgiving I've ever been part of. I swear, at one point people were nearly shouting to be heard over all the *other* conversations. So even if the main course was a little late and underdone, and I made my life too hard by choosing too many side dishes, it was a very successful gathering.

Yay!!! Good update. I am convinced that asking about a situation on here puts it into some collective human consciousness which transmits into better behavior from the offender (with some exceptions). Glad MIL was pleasant and dinner was a success.

I don't know what happened as I didn't see a notification for this thread and the gravy recipe requests. A bit late for TG, but hopefully others will be able to use it in the future. It is VERy tasty and easy. I have finally learned how to do the best gravy!