I read somewhere; do not try to count the stars. It cannot be done. And do not try to understand women. You will not succeed.

Well, I think I got an insight which I hope will help me in my marriage and could be of value to my fellow men too.

I am going to use metaphors.

We men, our lives look like a train ride, a straight line forward to a destination. From time to time we go through dark tunnels, but somehow, we find a light at the end of the tunnel which keeps us going. The train might sometimes go up and down, but the direction is forward, and we do not want our woman to tell us which train to take and what destination to choose. We insist on being free.

Women live on a roller coaster. Up and down with unpredictable turns. They are happy one minute, unhappy the next and they want us to be present and not be perturbed by their screaming as they go their way up and down

I come from a cultural background that taught me to be responsible for my woman’s happiness. I am that man. Happy wife – Happy life. If she is unhappy I am not doing my job. For years I saw that as my responsibility; to get my woman off the roller coaster. To convince her to get off I would join her roller coaster myself.

It did not work and only gave me pain galore. She refused to get off and I, since I was on it myself, was now going up and down too, something I found really painful. It made me mad at myself and at her. But she was mad at me too for not accepting that she likes her roller coaster. For not accepting her as she is. For trying to change her.

What I needed to do is let her be like she lets me be. She loved a man who had a goal and a destination who rode the train with confidence. I should enjoy the femininity, the unpredictability, the emotional sensitivity of my woman.

Love your woman as she is going up, and even more as she is going down. Do not even try to tell her to take an easier roller coaster. It is her preference which one to be on. You just be there for her so she does not fall off. That is where your responsibility ends. And listen to your woman because in our eagerness to get the train moving, we men often choose the wrong train and face the wrong destination.

Love is not fusion. Love is integration. Each component keep its individuality and benefit from the differences the other one provides.

The other PAEI roles are of different magnitude but driven by the driving role. Masculine (E) is for (P) sake; We create in order to get MORE results.So is the (A), to enable more (P)and so is (I), not (I) for (I) sake, like withfeminine energy,but for getting more (P). That is why our (I) is considered not genuine .

Feminine (E) is for (I) thus they enjoy gossip a lot. And their (A) is for (I) too; Get orderto getharmony.

The masculinefeminine conflict of styles comes from the (P)versus (I) differentiation.

I definitely sure that true love comes through true respect to each other in first place, not different way. When love is first, it’s too hard to avoid frustration bit later while the love is flourishing without true proven respect. Being respectful to each other helps us to stay respected by our partner as a man and as a woman either. Even if I didn’t love my wife before, I love her so much now because of her mind and respect to me. We’ve together brought up our genuine love to each other thanks to a great skill that could save the world from extinction – MUTUAL RESPECT.

Let me understand:
1. Women have a manic depressive temperament. One day they are high, the next day they are low, pouting and needing “big man’s” reassuring arms.
2. Unlike men, who have a purpose in life (“the train leaping forward”), women lack this skill and are left to deal with their unstable emotions.
3. Man, cave man like, has to make these helpless, immature creatures happy.
Where do you live??

I should have not said women vs men but feminine vs masculine energies. That would have been more accurate because some women are with masculine energy and some men with feminine energies
Also the same person might under some circumstances exibit feminine energies and as conditions change exibit masculine energies.

either feminine or masculine energy is still categorizing behavior to a gender and adding transgenders as permutations to the discussion does not add to the analysis of the argument.

Understanding, in my opinion has nothing to do with the gender. It starts with listening and open mind, and not necessarily with the characteristics or the gender of the person that is subject to the understanding

I believe that a lot of the characteristics attributed to women are based on paternalistic bias, enshrined in the Bible and in generations of falsely held beliefs. These false notions were not only held by men. Women too became convinced of these dogmas. I would refer to trustworthy psychology references to discuss masculine and feminine traits based on objective research.
On a personal note: I have worked with professional women who behaved exactly like men, for good or bad.

I’ve read your book and attended multiple Adizes seminars, and I have to say, this is beyond the pale.

First of all, the idea of that men are “trains” working in a straightforward manner toward their intended destination while women are emotional “rollercoasters” is horribly offensive, to say the least. It’s also completely unsupported by any evidence. The fact that this may be the dynamic between you and your wife does not mean that it applies to women generally. I, for one, have worked with plenty of male “rollercoaster” personalities – and many women who are calm, cool, and collected “trains.”

Even more egregiously, the suggestion that men are the “producers” – focused on getting things done – while women are biologically prone to “enjoy gossip a lot” is absolutely indefensible. This kind of 1950s attitude is exactly why it is difficult for women to get ahead in the workplace. After all, would you rather hire (or promote) a gossip-prone “roller-coaster” or a producing “train”?

Tellingly, you haven’t pointed to any evidence at all supporting these theories. Instead, this post is completely based on old-fashioned gender stereotyping – and in the worst way. Claiming after the fact that what you really meant was “feminine energy” vs. “masculine energy” does not make this concept any less sexist.

I hope you will carefully re-consider your attitude toward women and the way that you express it online. This post has completely changed the way I view Adizes, and has made me question the legitimacy of your other work. It is truly disappointing.

The way the blog is written is indefensible as you saybut would you agree that if research was done we would find that the AI style is more prevalent with women and PE style among men?
True the distictions are getting blurred in developed countries. Many women to suceed in managerial roles are more PE than men and many men have taken a feminine style subordinating themselves to increasingly dominaring females

No, I don’t agree. I’ve seen nothing in my personal experience – and certainly no research – to suggest that women are biologically less likely to be Producers or Entrepreneurs than men. I suspect you haven’t either – you certainly haven’t included it here.

What’s even worse is the suggestion that men reporting to women have adopted “a feminine style” by “subordinating themselves to increasingly domineering females.” (“Domineering”, by the way, is a term I’ve rarely heard used to describe a successful man.)

Saying that leadership is masculine while subordination is feminine is sexist, plain and simple. It suggests that women who are in leadership roles – and the men who report to them – are somehow going against the natural order of things and failing to act in a way that’s appropriate for their gender. That idea is not only completely unsupported, it’s extremely harmful.

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Please note:

The insights presented in these blogs are the personal insight of Dr. Ichak Kalderon Adizes and do not necessarily express the opinion or position of the Adizes Institute or its staff individually or as a group.

DISCLAIMER: The insights presented in these blogs are the personal insight of Dr. Ichak Kalderon Adizes and do not necessarily express the opinion or position of the Adizes Institute or its staff individually or as a group.