Neon Trees' Tyler Glenn Has A Heartfelt Message For Those Who Said They "Knew All Along" He's Gay

Jonathan Higbee | March 25, 2014

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Being an unabashed fanboy, I applauded Neon Trees' lead singer Tyler Glenn for coming out as a gay man on Monday. But the reactions that rippled through the LGBT community since the Rolling Stone news broke have been varied, with many gays pounding out a virtual eyeroll in comments across the web claiming they "knew all along" that the mod rock star was batting for our team.

Tyler has penned an elegant response on Facebook to the chorus of "duhs" echoing across social media and blogs to explain why even though you may have judged the book by the cover correctly this time, it was still inherently important for him to make the announcement publicly.

I don’t think I’m special for being a gay man. That’s not why I came out. I didn't come out so all of you could say “i knew it” based on the clothes I wear or the way I dance. I never even thought I’d have to come out.

I’d be the 50 yr old living with dogs hiding my relationships living on a beach somewhere. Maybe then i’d be comfortable with it. But it was last summer, writing songs for the new album, being so fed up with “hiding” and being so ready to be “free” that I poured my heart out into music more than I’d ever had before. Music indeed was my first love. Not a boy. It was music that I had always had a torrid love affair with. I felt I owed him, the music, or her, the song. I had to be honest with that relationship.

It was the moment I let myself write about the years spent in falling for my straight friend or the song I let myself write about thinking it was ok to be alone forever because it was better than explaining myself. It was those truths that came out before I decided to. You can’t hide away forever. I don't think i was even trying. But music never let me lie. Something always would come out in the songs.

So now you know what you may have always assumed. Good for you. How does it feel? Do you want a “gaydar” award? Do you want to be pat on the back because you can “spot them”?

It is not news. It is not meant to be salacious. Until you know what it’s like to hide, to keep away true happiness out of fear. That’s when you truly understand what it’s like. It’s not about coming out to wave a flag in another’s face. At least it’s not for me. For me its about finding the purist of peace. The absolute settling of my soul. The clearest vision of the road I want to take.

I’m 30. I don’t want to die anymore. I want to really live. Honestly, and fully. What an amazing place to be. For me it was a place I never cared about. Now all I want is to be honest.

That’s what this whole “coming out” thing is for me. It’s been quite a real and beautiful day to have so much compassion and love coming from strangers, fans that have been there since the beginning, new fans, family, friends. For someone like me, the eternal self deprecator, i just want to say thank you.

I guess the last thing I want to say tonight and for now is if you're like me, a wanderer, a questioner, a soul searcher, a dreamer, or misunderstood for any reason at all: Come out.

Come out as a wanderer. Come out as a questioner. One day it wont matter. But it still does. Come out as YOU. That’s all I really can say. That’s what i’d say to me at 21, the scared return mormon missionary who knew this part of himself but loved God too. You can do both. Don’t let anyone tell you you can’t.

Okay. You made yourself a bit of money, got yourself a sliver of temporary fame, and now you feel entitled to lecture everybody else about coming out and its discontents--which, probably, is more about getting attention than anything else. Fine. Enjoy it. It won't last

Good Lord you are bitter. You're so jealous of his fame -- clearly not just a sliver of fame, or else we would not even be having this conversation --that you comfort your wounded ego by snidely asserting that 'it won't last.' Really? This is what you get out of this? He has been bombarded by nasty, ignorant, judgmental crap on the part of self styled know-it-alls who apparently delight in taking people down. He didn't start the discussion of the manner/timing/attitude toward his coming out. His detractors did. He is just living his life. And if you think this warm and loving response is a lecture, I shudder to imagine how you endured adolescence.

So yeah Mark, you go! Miss the point entirely. Show us your anger. Go for the win! Just think if Tyler's star fades you will be proved right! You will be the champion!! -- of what? In your judgmental dismissal of him all you do is demonstrate the depth of your bitterness. This is not the way to live, man. Reconsider.

Definitely a defensive tone. Makes us think that he is not as comfortable and accepting as he claims. It is a process though. I wish he was a little kinder about his reply. Many people would respect him more.

Or maybe he's just sick and tired of having to deal with assholes such as yourself. You try coming out in front of a few million people, only to have your gay fans do that "Oh mary... why did you tell us... the Queen Of Uranus knew YOU were gay."

I respect him for taking an attitude of calling out those who just assume they knew he is the way he is. Just like you assume he has a defensive attitude based on how you interpret his writing. Sometimes you can never fully determine a person's intentions through their writing on the internet and that's why person to person contact is important. Just as it seems to me you're attacking him more than supporting him, you may find something wrong with what I'm typing, but we will never fully know because we're not actually talking to each other and genuinely sensing emotion. You're only reading your own feelings towards what he typed.

I find his response/comments to be thought out and considerate of anyone who might be reading them. Coming out is a complex and ongoing process. I applaud and fully respect Tyler Glenn's choice and ability to express his thought and feelings about such a personal matter.

Loved it- I had similar coming out story - most everyone knew already but I wasn't - as I got older I realized that I finally had the courage- at 40 years old - now 53 I wouldn't change anything - you have b ready emotionally-

I think his response was eloquent and heart felt....I just look forward to the day when we no longer have to "come out" to be who we are....continue to be yourself, Tyler, regardless of what others say