March 31, 2014

A Happy Ending

As part of the documentary Noah and I have been working on, we've interviewed several couples who have struggled with infertility and have found their happy ending. It has made me realize that there really are many ways a family can be made, and that there is a way off IF Island. It's a non-refundable ticket to Parenthood Park. But just because a person may enter this much more exciting and joy filled place, doesn't mean all the past hurt immediately goes away. I've heard it gets a lot better, but most of us who will go on to parent after years of infertility may still have some scars.

But there are happy endings. Lots of them. One of the couples we have been following is Candace and Tomasso. After four plus years of surgeries and procedures and tests and IVF and IVF with donor eggs and multiple miscarriages, Candace and Tomasso finally have their baby boy Max through open adoption.

Noah and I met the couple several months ago the day before they were flying out to meet their birth-mother for the first time. After only 12 days in the "matching process," they were matched with a young woman who was several months pregnant. On the day we met, Candace was excited. Nervous, but excited. There was a light in her eyes that can only be defined as the glimmer of hope and anticipation. Tomasso was quietly confident. Tomasso is her rock. Her number one cheerleader. He always reminded her that they would one day be parents. There is something to be said about the role of the husband/partner in all of this. Tomasso's unwavering strength and solid optimism seemed to ground Candace similarly to how I feel Noah grounds me.

I was nervous when I first met them. Knowing all that they had gone through and hearing stories of adoptions not working out, I wanted so badly for this to all work out for them. And last month it did. Their son, Max, was born around the same Candace would have given birth had she not miscarried her last pregnancy.

You can watch a clip of the interview with the couple here:

The light in Candace's eyes was different this weekend. It was pure joy with perhaps a few tiny remnants of past hurt. She's in love, and Max is an incredible little man. He cooed and fussed and smiled at his daddy who simply said, "See. I told you we'd be parents. And now we are."

"Almost, but not quite." That about sums up the impossibility of anything erasing all those years of agony. Poor Candace - I can't imagine what she has been through. It's wonderful and triumphant that she got her baby - but ahhhh, those scars don't heal overnight (and the job of healing them is too big to put on a lil' baby). They seem like wonderful people who will be incredible parents. I LOVE her honesty. Thanks, Maya.