10 Things I’ve Done You Probably Haven’t

There’s a LiveJournal meme floating around at the moment that asking people to list ten things they’ve done that other people they know probably haven’t. I’m taking it from LJ and releasing it into the wilds. Here are my 10, in no particular order:

1. Scaled scaffolding on a church and touched the cross at the top of the steeple (very vertigo-inducing)

2. Proposed to Laura Dern (she said no)

3. Stepped inside the Dome of the Rock in Jerusalem and put a prayer in to the cracks of the Wailing Wall on the same day

4. Been on Oprah as a guest (refuting the ridiculous women who wrote The Rules)

5. Lost two wedding rings, one within 24 hours of getting it

6. Received an angry e-mail from the lead singer of The Cult

7. Been whacked in the head with a 5-iron by a family member (in her defense, it was a complete accident)

8. Borrowed an Oscar statuette for three days

9. Visited the studio where they were making The Nightmare Before Christmas, saw the sets, and watched Danny Elfman sing one of the songs live, while recently completed animation corresponding to the song he was singing played silently in the background

10. Discovered the fossilized jawbone of a previously unknown rodent species

1. Became abruptly unconscious while trying a case in front of a federal jury (I prefer my doctor’s characterization of this as a vaso-vagal event brought on by low blood pressure, fatigue, and dehydration, not the federal judge’s characterization of it as a vaporish faint).

2. Poured coffee for a network anchor until he was sober enough to go live in the late evening report on an earthquake (didn’t work, he still reported that the Bay Bridge had collapsed into the ocean).

3. Got my picture taken with my Congressman, and had it published in local papers and in a Congressional newsletter, wearing the ugliest 1976 outfit that man’s inhumanity to man could devise (red checkered pants, plaid sports coat).

4. Been shot in Watts and dove under my car for cover, only to realize that I had been shot with a paint gun. I THOUGHT it should sting more than that.

5. Had a university professor throw a piece of chalk at me during a class for irritating him.

6. Engaged in an act still illegal (on the books) in a number of states with a nubile fellow intern in the locked trial evidence closet at the District Attorney’s office.

7. Impaled my hand on a fence, trapping myself there until the janitor could free me with bolt cutters.

8. Failed a mock sobriety test conducted on Hadrian’s wall, resulting in my falling off and chipping a tooth.

9. In a revenge prank played upon me, awoke naked in the stacks of a university library 10 minutes before opening time, with no clothes and no keys and a foot of snow on the ground outside.

2. Later had to flee South Korea, sneaking and avoiding South Korean immigration officials.

3. Drifted alone, overnight, on a capsized sailboat, too far from land to swim, on the Puget Sound, in October, and washed up on an unfamiliar beach, 30 miles from where I dumped the boat the day before.

4. Accidentally broke my own finger while trying to give myself a superficial injury so I could go to the nurse’s office, thereby avoiding a high school biology test I was unprepared for.

5. Written a $200,000 federal grant that created a mentoring program for underprivileged freshmen at a Seattle high school.

6. Dropped out of high school at age 15, and nine years later was awarded my Master’s degree in Counseling from Penn State.

7. Did grief and bereavement counseling with a woman whose son took pills, hung himself, and was brain dead IN THE ROOM WHERE THE BOY WAS LAYING a couple hours before they pulled the plug.

8. Snuck into a writer’s conference in order to pitch my as-yet-unpublished novel to agents. (Got a lot of requests for partials, two requests for full manuscripts, and a lot of personally written rejection slips.)

2. Later had to flee South Korea, sneaking and avoiding South Korean immigration officials.

3. Drifted alone, overnight, on a capsized sailboat, too far from land to swim, on the Puget Sound, in October, and washed up on an unfamiliar beach, 30 miles from where I dumped the boat the day before.

4. Accidentally broke my own finger while trying to give myself a superficial injury so I could go to the nurse’s office, thereby avoiding a high school biology test I was unprepared for.

5. Written a $200,000 federal grant that created a mentoring program for underprivileged freshmen at a Seattle high school.

6. Dropped out of high school at age 15, and nine years later was awarded my Master’s degree in Counseling from Penn State.

7. Did grief and bereavement counseling with a woman whose son took pills, hung himself, and was brain dead IN THE ROOM WHERE THE BOY WAS LAYING a couple hours before they pulled the plug.

8. Snuck into a writer’s conference in order to pitch my as-yet-unpublished novel to agents. (Got a lot of requests for partials, two requests for full manuscripts, and a lot of personally written rejection slips.)

Unfortunately most of the things I’ve done that no-one else has, will either make sure I never have a girlfriend again, stay unemployed forever, get me arrested, cause me to violate national security, or potentially get me killed shoud I write about them, but they are at least fun to think about.

Mine is kinda….boring comparatively, but I figure it is because I am A) slightly younger and B) I grew up in Utah. (Also, I didn’t put on my LJ page that I had been a member of TWO cults, one religious and one quasi-religious, because some of my family members and friends hich read my journal still belong or attended both of these organisations, but I will put it here.)

I put ages with all mine, to provide a little context. 19 was a dangerous year for me.

1 – Hopped on a plane with a one-way ticket to another country without telling anybody at either my destination or starting point in advance. ON A WORK NIGHT. (23)

2 – Been bit by two pythons and a Columbian red tailed boa. Both the pythons were six or seven feet long. (19)

5 – Broke into the BYU Academy (which was a condemned building at the time) and stayed there all night. (19)

6 – Kicked a hole in my ex-boyfriend’s windshield. (19)

7 – Eaten live insects knowingly and voluntarily. Also have eaten rattlesnake. (27 and 4)

8 – Broke both my right femur and left clavicle at the same time, merely by falling off a four inch curb. (17)

9 – Spent somewhere between half an hour to an hour locked by myself in the Salt Lake City Mausoleum. (4 or 5)

10 – Raided the gross anatomy labs on campus and sketched the cadavers and human fetuses. Also sketched my grandfather at my grandfather’s funeral. I have also helped wrap my dead grandmother and put her on a gurney with the mortician’s assistance. (16, 18, 19)

Mine is kinda….boring comparatively, but I figure it is because I am A) slightly younger and B) I grew up in Utah. (Also, I didn’t put on my LJ page that I had been a member of TWO cults, one religious and one quasi-religious, because some of my family members and friends hich read my journal still belong or attended both of these organisations, but I will put it here.)

I put ages with all mine, to provide a little context. 19 was a dangerous year for me.

1 – Hopped on a plane with a one-way ticket to another country without telling anybody at either my destination or starting point in advance. ON A WORK NIGHT. (23)

2 – Been bit by two pythons and a Columbian red tailed boa. Both the pythons were six or seven feet long. (19)

5 – Broke into the BYU Academy (which was a condemned building at the time) and stayed there all night. (19)

6 – Kicked a hole in my ex-boyfriend’s windshield. (19)

7 – Eaten live insects knowingly and voluntarily. Also have eaten rattlesnake. (27 and 4)

8 – Broke both my right femur and left clavicle at the same time, merely by falling off a four inch curb. (17)

9 – Spent somewhere between half an hour to an hour locked by myself in the Salt Lake City Mausoleum. (4 or 5)

10 – Raided the gross anatomy labs on campus and sketched the cadavers and human fetuses. Also sketched my grandfather at my grandfather’s funeral. I have also helped wrap my dead grandmother and put her on a gurney with the mortician’s assistance. (16, 18, 19)

1) Left and re-entered the United States with no legal form of identification by talking my way past two sets of immigration officials.

2) Obtained a document from the Dominion of Canada with the Queen’s image certifying that I had skills possessed by no one in that country.

3) Been blown backwards forty feet and knocked unconscious by taking a drink from a metal water fountain as the building was struck by lightning.

4) Directed a Beijing taxi driver to drop me off in a Chinese rice field 30 miles from anywhere, with few people on the planet knowing I was outside the US, and no one at my destination expecting my arrival.

5) Borrowed a tie from a Nobel Peace laureate when I neglected to pack appropriately for dinner.

7) Collapsed from exhaustion and suffered a grand mal seizure in a Las Vegas casino.

8) In one day, spent significant time in four North American time zones in nonsequential order.

9) Knocked down and badly stunned by a large man running with a sousaphone.

10) Watched the Perseids meteor shower drinking red wine in an Italian park with my arm around a beautiful South African woman, while vagrants made love 50 feet away under a blanket and we all pretended not to notice.

Jeff: I almost put the Perseids-watching in mine too, since it’s a family tradition that we watch it out in the middle of the Utah desert (when we have access to said desert). We generally don’t have vagrants making love though.

1. Hitchhiked from SE Mo to Orlando Fla at age 14-15 (a little vague about some years) to see my then fiance (who I didn’t end up marrying). Kept the same $20 on me for the entire trip, then blew all of it and then some on the cab ride across Orlando (who knew – the town I’m from, taxi’s cost $3.00) and had to wait for said fiance to get home from work to pay the taxi guy. Boy was he surprised to see me. Never got hurt the entire time, although I did have to ditch one trucker creep somewhere in Mississipi, I think.

2. Spent a year in Americorps building houses for Habitat for Humanity.

3. Got ordained as a minister of the Universal Life Church.

4. Spent over a decade as an exotic dancer.

5. Been lunged at by a full-grown tiger in a dance club dressing room. Trust me, when a tiger’s coming at you, you can climb all sorts of furniture in a very short period of time. Even if you are just wearing heels and G-string. (He was a big kitten – he just wanted my PB&J and wouldn’t have actually hurt me, which I knew at the time, but that primate instinct kicks in hard.)

6. Spent an entire Pink Floyd concert completely straight. The rest of the crowd was incredibly stoned and amazingly entertaining, especially considering the path up to the concession area next to where I was seated was up a hill that ascended at close to a 60 degree angle, making for all sorts of fun-filled passer-by antics. Great show. And the band was cool, too.

7. Had the eye of a hurricane go straight over my house – in landlocked central NC. (Than would have been Fran)

8. Got kicked out of Girl Scouts for precocious maturity (I had a wild teen-hood. I’m better now. And sane. That helps.)

9. Completed (by this June, anyway) a two-year course in automotive technology and repair. Now I can overcharge myself for brake jobs and cut out the middleman.

10. Spent half a shift scissoring chicken lungs and hearts from the gallblader for dog food, as part of a chicken processing line. Yummy. At lunch (urp!) I decided that I’d rather go back to living in the Olds and pulling food out of Dumpsters. Better food, better conditions and better hours. And no more bile running down my arm.

Okay, John, how did you discover the fossilized jawbone of a previously unknown rodent species? I can guess how you were able to do all of the other things (although I don’t know what you did to piss off The Cult, I can take a guess), but that one has me stumped.

Okay, John, how did you discover the fossilized jawbone of a previously unknown rodent species? I can guess how you were able to do all of the other things (although I don’t know what you did to piss off The Cult, I can take a guess), but that one has me stumped.

I don’t usually go for memes, but… Turned down an offer to purchase the M16s off two soldiers who needed more beer money and were already way too drunk to be so heavily armed. Had my phone tapped by the…

I don’t usually go for memes, but… Turned down an offer to purchase the M16s off two soldiers who needed more beer money and were already way too drunk to be so heavily armed. Had my phone tapped by the…

1. Headlined a punk rock show in a Masonic temple in Trenton, New Jersey. The opening band was a very young Less Than Jake, followed by a surprise appearance by Bobby Steele (formerly of the Misfits) and his band the Undead, who performed a 3-song set on our equipment. Their closing song was a freakin incredible rendition of Last Caress (which Steele wrote but Glenn Danzig stole and copyrighted under his name) in which Steele paused before the final verse and slyly commented, “Often imitated, never duplicated.” \m/

3. Raced full-tilt down a pier in Biloxi, Mississippi, to call 911, because I thought a homeless guy had drowned himself. Subsequently got into a heated argument with all the pot-smoking asshats on the pier who were pissed because the cops were coming. The guy turned out to be fine, just a bit drunk–and the water was only waist deep. Oops.

4. Spent the night in a train station in Norwich, England, after seeing New Model Army and subsequently learning that the last train left as the last song was playing.

5. Was called “a really great bass player” by the really great bassist from Rancid.

6. Scored 1460 on my SATs: 730 math, 730 verbal.

7. Assisted in an embalming, and helped dress my deceased father for his viewing (part of his prearranged funeral plans included his five sons doing this honor). I grew up in a funeral home, which is our family’s business.

8. Watched a packed room of some 2000 people singing along to lyrics I wrote, at a show where my band opened for the Mighty Mighty Bosstones.

9. Met and interviewed Police drummer Stewart Copeland, who told me, “Creativity isn’t like a resource, where the more you use it the less you have. It’s like a muscle: the more you use it, the stronger it gets.” This may be the best advice I’ve ever been given.

10. Had my name used for a character in a totally awesome sci-fi novel, and was thanked in the aknowledgements.

1. Smoked a joint with Phil Hartman backstage at SNL. When I met him he shook my hand and said “Hi Robin, I’m Troy Maclure. You may remember me from such educational films as Locker Room Towel Fight: the blinding of Larry Driscol!”

2. Wrote a top ten single.

3. While in the studio with KISS, I was the first person to show Gene Simmons a “Spawn” comic book.

4. Awarded a gold record backstage at the LA Forum.

5. Bought a Sega Genesis in London. Gave it away at the end of the tour.

6. Married by my wife’s old boss Jon Stewart, host of The Daily Show and Minister in the Church of Universal Light.

7. Taught a dog to Jet Ski.

8. Collaborated with one of my favorite comic book artists on an album cover. Artist Geof Darrow of Hard Boiled and The Matrix.

9. Performed National Anthem at a Major sports event. Suns, D-Backs, Monday Night Football.

10. Got a part time job writing for one of my favorite magazines. Seriously.

I think it’s funny that, of all the excellent and unusual things Robin Wilson has done — smoked a joint with Phil Hartmann, wrote a top 10 single, married by Jon Stewart, taught a dog to JetSki — the one he qualifies with, “Seriously,” is “got a part-time job writing for one of my favorite magazines,” as though THAT’S the one he needs to re-assure us of the truthfulness of, or else we’d have trouble believing it.

I think it’s funny that, of all the excellent and unusual things Robin Wilson has done — smoked a joint with Phil Hartmann, wrote a top 10 single, married by Jon Stewart, taught a dog to JetSki — the one he qualifies with, “Seriously,” is “got a part-time job writing for one of my favorite magazines,” as though THAT’S the one he needs to re-assure us of the truthfulness of, or else we’d have trouble believing it.

1. Hopped onstage at a Tommy Tutone concert and sang “867-5309″ with the band.
2. Gave birth in front of an audience.
3. Almost backed over Ray Davies as I was leaving a Kink’s concert.
4. Threw a bowling ball backwards and almost took off someone’s head.
5. Jumped into a Las Vegas Strip motel pool in my clothes,a few years back, because, when I was a kid, I had always wanted to swim in that ” cool pool with the windows”, and never got to. ( It was morning, I was sober.)
6. Possess a circa 117-138 a.d. Emperor Hadrian coin, because I like old stuff.
7. Ate dinner in a castle in Germany, while being serenaded by an Italian opera singer.
8. Eluded the police after-hours on a Southern California beach, by pointing them in the direction of a coupling couple in a sleeping bag near the shorecliffs. I know… =( ….
9. Stood frontstage at a Jimi Hendrix concert, while he sang ‘Purple Haze’.
10. Sang “Soul Man” with Sam and Dave.

1. Hopped onstage at a Tommy Tutone concert and sang “867-5309″ with the band.
2. Gave birth in front of an audience.
3. Almost backed over Ray Davies as I was leaving a Kink’s concert.
4. Threw a bowling ball backwards and almost took off someone’s head.
5. Jumped into a Las Vegas Strip motel pool in my clothes,a few years back, because, when I was a kid, I had always wanted to swim in that ” cool pool with the windows”, and never got to. ( It was morning, I was sober.)
6. Possess a circa 117-138 a.d. Emperor Hadrian coin, because I like old stuff.
7. Ate dinner in a castle in Germany, while being serenaded by an Italian opera singer.
8. Eluded the police after-hours on a Southern California beach, by pointing them in the direction of a coupling couple in a sleeping bag near the shorecliffs. I know… =( ….
9. Stood frontstage at a Jimi Hendrix concert, while he sang ‘Purple Haze’.
10. Sang “Soul Man” with Sam and Dave.

1. Invented both a solar power and a nuclear reactor design.
2. Have never bought drugs. Didn’t say I had never used drugs.
3. Have written software for computers with little rusty rings instead of semiconductors.
4. Hitchhiked repeatedly down I-95 from New York to DC and slept out on Teddy Roosevelt Island in DC while visiting the patent office as a teenager.
5. Had a middle school social studies teacher who was later arrested and convicted of killing and eating a student under ambigous circumstances.
6. Qualified for the NY state regents scholarship, twice, because they took it away the first time.
7. Got a two year degree after five years worth of credits with a 2.01 GPA.
8. Had eight library cards for eight different library systems in my wallet at one time.
9. Grew up in a family of ten with parents who got to Harvard/Radcliffe on scholarship.
10. Figured out that most commercial salt deposits were left by the glaciers instead of being dried up oceans. It’s a matter of chemistry and thinking through the logical outcome of snowball earth climates. You wouldn’t BELIEVE where I think kimberlite deposits come from.

I assume the “under ambiguous circumstances” qualifier means the guy might not have been guilty, and not that there were circumstances which indicated that it might have been okay for the guy to kill and eat one of his students.

1. Had a threesome with my girlfriend and a transexual prostitute
2. Interviewed Anthrax
3. Been expelled from school for pretending to be posessed
4. Drawn with an international grandmaster at chess
5. Asked Louise Redknapp out without realising who she was (and got politely declined)
6. Smoked Pot with Pantera
7. Drunk more than a Polish marine
8. Made a policeman cry
9. Stage dived from a lighting rig
10. Had an author’s dedication to me in a university text book!

1. Had a threesome with my girlfriend and a transexual prostitute
2. Interviewed Anthrax
3. Been expelled from school for pretending to be posessed
4. Drawn with an international grandmaster at chess
5. Asked Louise Redknapp out without realising who she was (and got politely declined)
6. Smoked Pot with Pantera
7. Drunk more than a Polish marine
8. Made a policeman cry
9. Stage dived from a lighting rig
10. Had an author’s dedication to me in a university text book!

Ok, noting that I’m only 18 and have parents who don’t let me do anything

1. Got hypothermia from surfing in Australia (13)
2. Organized a concert in a small country town with a bands that had #1 hits (17)
3. Went out with two people who knew each other well and didn’t get caught for 4 months (18)
4. Am soon to be teaching preschoolers in a country where I don’t know the language (19)
5. Got offered hash cookies by my best friends dad, without knowing what they were (12)
6. Got my parents call to my school because I hugged, my friends too much (13)
7. Crashed my mother’s car into my fathers parked Ute the first day I got my license (17)
8. Lived for 5 months in a two bedroom house with 5 people (14)
9. Lost my virginity to a stranger who was 7 years older than me and to this day don’t know the last name of (14)
10. Had a foursome with two 13/14 year old boys and 36 year old gay man. (14)

1. esacaped Vietnam in a small fishing boat with 30 other people to find my dad in Hong Kong. nearly starved to death. reunited with my dad after 3 years. came to the U.S. 1 year later. everything happend before I turned 8.

2. almost choke my little brother to death over some stupid reason when I was 9. he forgave me later on.

3. being pressured to be the perfect kid so I can set a good example for my siblings and actually succeeded. graduated from UCLA and will be going to pharmacry school next year.

4. had dinner with 6 friends and the billed turned out to be $1000.

5. won $1000 the first night in vegas and lost it the following day. won another $1000 the second night and lost it the following day. all this was done on my 20th birthday (not 21st).

6. lived in a 4 bedroom house with 17 other people for a year.

7. finished “harry potter and the half-blood prince” in one and half day.

8. dated my best-guy-friend ex girlfriend who happens to be my best-girl-friend with everything being okay with it.

9. hooked up my ex girl-friend with my best-guy-friend and everyone is okay with it. next week is there year and half annivesary.

10. volunteered at the hospital late at night to see dead people (ghost). haven’t seen anything yet.

1. esacaped Vietnam in a small fishing boat with 30 other people to find my dad in Hong Kong. nearly starved to death. reunited with my dad after 3 years. came to the U.S. 1 year later. everything happend before I turned 8.

2. almost choke my little brother to death over some stupid reason when I was 9. he forgave me later on.

3. being pressured to be the perfect kid so I can set a good example for my siblings and actually succeeded. graduated from UCLA and will be going to pharmacry school next year.

4. had dinner with 6 friends and the billed turned out to be $1000.

5. won $1000 the first night in vegas and lost it the following day. won another $1000 the second night and lost it the following day. all this was done on my 20th birthday (not 21st).

6. lived in a 4 bedroom house with 17 other people for a year.

7. finished “harry potter and the half-blood prince” in one and half day.

8. dated my best-guy-friend ex girlfriend who happens to be my best-girl-friend with everything being okay with it.

9. hooked up my ex girl-friend with my best-guy-friend and everyone is okay with it. next week is there year and half annivesary.

10. volunteered at the hospital late at night to see dead people (ghost). haven’t seen anything yet.

1. Gave birth to a 10 lb. 4 oz. baby boy without the benefit of drugs.

2. Have had nine concussions (stitches with four of them, but no broken bones)

3. Firewalked

4. Took a past life regression class where via self-hypnosis and an experienced guide I came in contact with a past self ( a black man from St. Louis who was beaten to death because of something he wrote)

5. Ran an 18′ sailboat aground

6. Saw the Grateful Dead front row at Soldier’s Field in Chicago. Was hit by Jerry Garcia’s wayward spit!

7. In the early nineties, got asked out to breakfast by the band Dada (of “I’m going to Disneyland” fame.) I declined.

8. Have been in two TV commercials (local) and several brochures.

9. Was born the color of an olive – a green one.

10. Can cross my eyes and then make one eye (either one) go around in circles.

Whew – that was difficult to come up with. I better get crackin’ in life!

i know this isnt really that good but here goes (im 13 with REALLY over protective parents):

1)Bite people
2)heard all of my teachers cuss at least one time
3)sing the national anthem in front of 500 people and my choir instructor and chipmunk giggle all through it
4)have an 18 year old guy hit on me
5)punched a guy in the nose and give him a bloody nose (i was only 4)
6)drank alchohal before i was 5
7) had all my guy friends fall for me
8) Told my ex best friend that we shouldnt be friends
9)hold protests at school in front of preps to ban abercrombie, american eagle, and hollister.
10)been punched in the stumach for not picking up someone elses sock when they were right next to it

So, keep in mind, i am 16, and the drinking age here is 19.
1) Had sex against a tree in broad daylight on church grounds
2)Drank a full 26’er to myself in a span of two hours without the assistance of a stomache pump.
3) been hit on and STALKED by a lesbian woman who was old enough to be my grandmother
4)funneled a bottle of sour puss, only to reach the halfway point when someone slapped my butt and the rest came out my nose.
5)broken a 6’4″ guys nose. im 5’2.
6)bribed a teacher to give me extra credit marks in exchange for a batch of hash brownies
7)i have had my finger slammed in a locked car door for more than an hour. without the keys
8)i have snuck into a club, been supplied alcohol without being carded, and then told the bouncer i was 15. He didnt kick me out.
9)Kissed the blarney stone and found a diamond ring, submitted it to the police and got a 13,000 pound reward.
10)eaten three quarts of rocky road ice cream in six hours and lost five pounds.