Celebrities compete to headline at Legends Golf Tournament

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Pacific University could very well see fake tans and tiger blood sometime in its future.

After hearing about the success of last year’s Pacific University Legends Golf Classic two celebrities, Nicole Polizzi, a.k.a. Snooki from the “Jersey Shore,” and Charlie Sheen are vying for spots to be the celebrities at this year’s golf classic.

Last year, Pacific University hosted Tommy Thayer and Gene Simmons for the Pacific University Legends Golf Classic and ended up raising $425,000 for the Pacific athletics program.

Once they saw the Legends Golf Classic featured on Gene Simmons’s highly-acclaimed and award-winning reality show “Family Jewels,” and how good it looked for Simmon’s image, both Snooki and Sheen had their talent agents call Pacific demanding to be in the next Golf Classic.

Each said that working with Pacific could greatly increase their reputations and boost their images.

Snooki said she could raise “enough money to give every student a year-long membership to a tanning salon,” while Sheen said, “I’ll make Pacific $1 billion because I’m a bi-winner.”

Because of their tendencies toward erratic behavior and unintelligible rants, the Pacific administration agreed that only one star should be allowed to participate in the event as two would just be too much to handle.

President Lesley Hallick said, “We are worried that Snooki couldn’t handle a golf course because some parts resemble a beach and she would get confused. Charlie Sheen is just a wild card so having them together in one place is out of the question.”

Charlie Sheen said he would be willing to donate all his tiger blood for the chance to come and promised to behave while at the tournament.

“Did you people not hear that I blinked and cured my brain? I’ve got tiger blood man, and I’m willing to donate it to Pacific athletics if I get the chance to be at the golf classic. I just want to expose people to magic,” said Sheen.

Snooki declined to comment, as she was too busy fist pumping and GTLing.

Hallick said that the administration would reach a decision by May, and would tell Sheen and Snooki who they chose at exactly 12:61 p.m. on May 1.