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Blessed Are The Whiners

America is and always will be the “land of the free”. But freedom does come with a price and lately, the price has never been more obvious: even idiots get to speak their minds.

They’re everywhere today. As I mentioned in my previous blog, a group of idiots have somehow ascended to power at both the Seattle Public Schools and the Seattle Parks Department and have decided that “Easter Eggs” should now be referred to as “Spring Eggs”.

Why? Well, to keep religion out of public schools, of course. Not everyone, but a good number of people celebrate Easter as a religious holiday. Because it is religious in nature, it must be removed to keep things (here goes) politically correct. Of course, Jews and 7th Day Adventists observe Saturday as a holy day and those wacky Christians go to church on Sundays. So, really, for the sake of not offending anyone, we should have school 7 days a week.

Seriously, who could be behind this level of insanity? I have my theories:

“Miseriums”–These are people who are miserable and believe the gospel of misery must be spread. If I can’t be happy, you can’t be happy. One of the largest denominations of “Miseriums” gather at a website called “Vote For the Worst”. (yep, http://www.votefortheworst.com) The fact that so many people enjoy watching “American Idol” bothers them, so they identify the worst talent on stage and then encourage people to call and vote for that person, week after week. It’s how Paul remains on the show. To me, the answer is that we should be voting someone off, not voting for everyone but that person. However, that’s another blog.

“Atheidiots”–These are atheists who are idiots, plain and simple. Since their lives are so unrewarding, they feel they need to attack religion at every opportunity, especially Christianity. By getting the word “Easter” dropped from the egg hunts, this begins to slowly turn this tanker of a civilization in a higher direction. Children who still get excited and yell out, “Cool! Easter eggs!” will be forcibly removed from their homes and sent to re-education camps.

“McGunniquists”–These are followers of Seattle’s Mayor Mike McGinn, who are out to transform Seattle into the perfect something. They’re just not sure what yet. However, they know what they don’t like and that list is made of demands of social groups with a membership of 12 and under. If too many people think something is a good idea, it must be challenged.

“Hyper-Sensarians”–Our final group are the alarmists, looking for something–anything–to slap a label on things to pre-condition your thinking to their way of thought. They say something is racist and sexist and your immediate instinct is to say, “Whatever it is they’re talking about must be terrible so I’ agree with whatever they’re criticizing”. Then you find out it’s a proposed law that would ban all 18-year-old Irish boys from a women’s locker room. OK, well, that IS racist and sexist, but at the same time, as Charlie Sheen would say, “Duh!”

Go ahead, whiners and idiots, Miseriums and Atheidiots, enjoy your brief moment in the sun. Well, besides the fact that today is the first day in 41 that we’ll be seeing the sun in Seattle, but I digress and quite well. One day, common sense will take back this country and return us to a place where kids can once again look under their Christmas tree 8 months later and safely exclaim, “Hey! I just found the last Easter egg!”