Reading by candlelight

Last night the kids came home, and I was so glad to see them. They did really well at the funeral, and Lex was the first one up when the priest asked if anyone wanted to come forward and share memories. I’m proud of him for that, though not at all surprised.

I wanted to have a nice evening, so I suggested we all pile into the big bed and read by candlelight. The kids thought it was great, but Willow kept making noises and then crying because she was scared. Nate was frustrated, but he still kept trying to reassure Willow by saying, "There’s no monsters or skeletons in our house," which set off more tears. She had, after all, only been afraid of the open window.

Nate flat-out refused to go to school today, and then Willow copied him. I asked Nate to get ready so Willow would, and then when it was time to leave, they both did so without a fuss.

I’m feeling so sick and angry about the Amish school shootings. Part of me wanted all the kids to stay home with me today. Willow’s preschool is in a high school, and sometimes I question whether I’m being foolish sending her there. I know the chances are that she’ll be safe, but frankly the world scares me more and more. Sometimes when the kids are afraid and I tell them not to worry, that they are safe, it feels like I’m lying to them.

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4 thoughts on “Reading by candlelight”

I feel the same way about schools lately. My son is thinking he might want to become a teacher and suddenly I’m afraid that working in a school isn’t safe. It’s crazy! But realistically I think the only thing you can do is to keep communicating with those close to you and really pay attention to your gut feelings.

Oddly enough, whenever my son insisted on staying home from school (which was quite rare, maybe once a year) I would let him for that very reason. Nothing ever happened. But I felt that I couldn’t ever forgive myself if I forced him to go and something did.

But if you lose faith in the school system, where do you have to go? It’s a catch 22 because the more security, and restrictions that are implemented, the safer everyone feels, but also generally the more annoyed everyone is. kind of like airport customs (arriving an hour and a half before the plane leaves) but perhaps my feelings on this are skewed.

Also, maybe I am just still young, and do not know differently – but we live in a very privileged society with very little violence, very little fear. I am certain that, at least in from a global perspective, your children are still quite safe, and while broken people can do terrible things (like a very exaggerated form of saying things we don’t mean when we are angry), you can’t live paranoid of the outdoors.I don’t know… I have to believe in the people around me, if you lose faith in humanity, there is nothing left. I don’t know… everyone has a reason for who they are, and how they are… and I have to believe in the best, and the ability to change.

This sounds so sappy… I’m sorry if I am just young and naive, but I can’t help it.

My best wishes to all of you.
If this came off as offensive in any way, I am sorry also.

But if you lose faith in the school system, where do you have to go? It’s a catch 22 because the more security, and restrictions that are implemented, the safer everyone feels, but also generally the more annoyed everyone is. kind of like airport customs (arriving an hour and a half before the plane leaves) but perhaps my feelings on this are skewed.

Also, maybe I am just still young, and do not know differently – but we live in a very privileged society with very little violence, very little fear. I am certain that, at least in from a global perspective, your children are still quite safe, and while broken people can do terrible things (like a very exaggerated form of saying things we don’t mean when we are angry), you can’t live paranoid of the outdoors.I don’t know… I have to believe in the people around me, if you lose faith in humanity, there is nothing left. I don’t know… everyone has a reason for who they are, and how they are… and I have to believe in the best, and the ability to change.

This sounds so sappy… I’m sorry if I am just young and naive, but I can’t help it.

My best wishes to all of you.
If this came off as offensive in any way, I am sorry also.