How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

Internationally acclaimed experts on communication between parents and children, Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish “are doing for parenting today what Dr. Spock did for our generation” (Parent Magazine). Now, this best-selling classic includes fresh insights and suggestions as well as the author’s time-tested methods to solve common problems and build foundations for lasting relationships.

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Publisher's Summary

The ultimate “parenting bible” (The Boston Globe) with a new Foreword—a timeless, beloved book on how to effectively communicate with your child from the number-one New York Times best-selling authors.

Internationally acclaimed experts on communication between parents and children, Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish “are doing for parenting today what Dr. Spock did for our generation” (Parent Magazine). Now, this best-selling classic includes fresh insights and suggestions as well as the author’s time-tested methods to solve common problems and build foundations for lasting relationships, including innovative ways to:

Cope with your child's negative feelings, such as frustration, anger, and disappointment

Express your strong feelings without being hurtful

Engage your child's willing cooperation

Set firm limits and maintain goodwill

Use alternatives to punishment that promote self-discipline

Understand the difference between helpful and unhelpful praise

Resolve family conflicts peacefully

Enthusiastically praised by parents and professionals around the world, the down-to-earth, respectful approach of Faber and Mazlish makes relationships with children of all ages less stressful and more rewarding.

What did you love best about How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk?

This is a very special (audio) book. It has transformed my relationship with my son and influenced how I listen and communicate in my professional life.

This book gets overwhelmingly positive reviews and I am writing this review to help other parents find this wonderful book.

My wife and I were very proud of our positive parenting. We had received many positive compliments from friends and strangers regarding our positive parenting. Unfortunately, when we hit a rash of poor behaviour when our son began attending school, we began to question ourselves and our parenting techniques. This uncertainty lead to a downward spiral of 'old school' discipline based parenting, turning every disagreement into a battle that had to be won. Instead of helping my son's discipline, it worsened. Each time it worsened, we decided we needed more discipline. The cycle continued until I found this book.

This book was similar to how we had initially decided to parent our son, but the devil is in the details and the notion that every interaction with my son could be an opportunity for him to communicate HIS thoughts and develop HIS decision making skills and confidence was a subtle yet extremely powerful shift in thinking. Its not only about me showing love and positivity to my son, its about ensuring he feels confident and positive about himself. Yes, there is a difference.

I have developed much more patience and understanding, as a result of this audiobook. There is no question that the daily interactions with my son take much longer, especially initially, though I have come to realize that this extra time is really important and essential to being a good parent. Like most things in life, long term effective solutions are always more time consuming and complex than short term quick fixes.

That being said, my son has now developed very effective problem solving and communication skills. These skills have have allowed us to spend our time and attention learning and sharing thoughts on how to solve problems; instead of locking wills and trying to defeat one another in a battle of wills.

After adopting the techniques in this book, I can honestly say that I have experienced a very special transformation in the relationship I have with my son. I am in awe of his creative problem solving skills, he surprises me daily, and we have developed an even deeper bond of love and support.

I recall thinking, as I listened to the audiobook, that a number of the examples seemed very hokey and the descriptions of how children would react to simple questions as a little too perfect. Yet once putting the techniques into practice, I found myself often reaching for paper to write down the incredible responses my son would have to the simple questions.

There is an example in the book, where it advises parents to consider the power of saying 'you must be proud of yourself', rather than 'I am proud of you'. I have seen a number of negative or mediocre reviews that cite this as a criticism. While I still mix in the odd 'I am proud of you' I will never forget the look of contemplation, nod of agreement and then smile of satisfaction my son's face when I first said 'you must be proud of yourself'. I could tell that he had not really thought of his good behaviour in terms of what it meant to him. Its now something he has developed strongly within himself.

He now thinks of himself as brave, loyal and kind. He sees every day as an opportunity to learn new things and solve his own problems.I don't expect that my son will always do what I want but I can count on him to confidently tell me why he acted a certain way and listen.

Totally LOVE this book. I have read a lot of parenting books but this one seems to treat children as unique individuals with unique personalities who require unique care and upbringing. It emphasizes respect and autonomy for the child rather than punishment and rewards.

The trouble is that there are things in the book to ponder and consider and even role play. It is tough with an audio book. it was tough to give serious consideration on the fly with the next paragraph being read. Also, I found myself wanting to take a few notes to help me remember a few lessons that would help with my own children and unable to do so as I was commuting to work in the car.

I highly recommend this book and even though it is read very well I would suggest a paper copy rather than the audio version.

What was one of the most memorable moments of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk?

showing respect for children

What about Susan Bennett’s performance did you like?

her tone of voice exemplified a 'normal' mother's voice showing happiness at times and exhaustion and frustration at times.

Did How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk inspire you to do anything?

This book provides practical how-to skills to use in handling challenging issues with children. In fact, many of the skills are quite useful in all relationships. I was able to immediately apply much of what I learned.

Any additional comments?

If you have children or work with children, don't hesitate to give this a listen. It really can be life-changing for you and the children in your life. The skills require practice and adaptation for each unique relationship, but they can make a radical difference in our relationships with children.

What made the experience of listening to How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk the most enjoyable?

Every parent should read this book. Parenting is the hardest job I've ever had and Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish provide some extraordinarily helpful insights and approaches that actually work.

Any additional comments?

I have had less success applying the concepts in this book to my strong-willed daughter than to my easy-going son. This may be my fault, of course, as I may not be applying the concepts properly. Time to re-read and see.

I like audio books because I can listen when I need to be looking at something else, or when I can't hold a book. Unfortunately this book contains worksheets which aren't available in audio format. Perhaps pdfs could be made available.

Would you consider the audio edition of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk to be better than the print version?

I would have much rather had the print version of "How to Talk So Kids Will LIsten & Listen so Kids Will Talk" so that I could have seen the exercises and activities that were available. It also would had been beneficial to have the print version so that I could skim back to previous lessons.

Who was your favorite character and why?

This book didn't have characters as it was a guide to parents and how to communicate with their children.

Did Susan Bennett do a good job differentiating all the characters? How?

All the characters in this book are real people giving real examples of parenting moments. Susan Bennett did a great job providing the reader/listener with teachable moments. There was a great selection of "this is what happened" lets take a look at "what should happen using the skills we've just talked about."

What’s an idea from the book that you will remember?

I enjoyed this book because it gave me tools that help me feel more in control while parenting. It is so easy to raise to the emotion of the children you are raising and by using the tools in this book I am able to stay calm and take care of problem.

I really appreciate the phrases of how to speak to your children. "You are very upset about the cold weather the problem is..."

Any additional comments?

I enjoyed this book because I was given ideas on how to take care of situations that used to or easily can escalate into bigger problems with bigger emotions. I catch myself using phrases from the book day to day. I love being able to say "the problem is" instead of my usual "but." I learned how to better empathize with my twin boys and how have taught both of them how to better use their words.

Including information for difficult children, not just ones who are likely to respond to simple reasoning and soft consequences. (The author refuses to call anything punishment.)

What do you think your next listen will be?

Setting Limits with your Strong Willed Child. Robert MacKenzie.

Have you listened to any of Susan Bennett’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

No

You didn’t love this book... but did it have any redeeming qualities?

Yes. I think the portions about open ended questions had benefit and I also do think this could be a good book for someone who already has a good mutually respectful relationship with their kid and just want ways to further improve that. However, these strategies will not work on more difficult kids, the so called strong willed child. This book will be very un-helpful for you.

Any additional comments?

When I 1st listened to this book I probably would have given it 4 or 5 stars, but after I tried using its techniques, I realized it was not written with 1 of my children in mind, which is why I bought the book in the 1st place. This book sounds good and indeed much in it is good for the "compliant child" which is why I am sure it does work good for some parents and their kids who are compliant. Furthermore, its intrinsically a very "passive parenting" approach that makes parents already doing this passive parenting feel good about what they are doing and indeed encourages them to double down on their current strategy, but does little to help them with more difficult, non compliant children. Although I really do use some of these strategies with my compliant children, it is a disaster for the others and I assure you they will walk all over you. So if you want a 'feel good" book that basically says, your doing great, keep being passive and keep do what "feels" like the best parenting method with little guidance on more difficult children, go for it. However, for those of us looking for books to help with our more difficult children, I recommend Setting Limits with your Strong Willed Child by Robert MacKenzie.

Yes, it was easy to listen to and easy to apply to my current situation

What did you like best about this story?

The clear concepts

Have you listened to any of Susan Bennett’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

Susan Bennett has a very soothing and accurate voice. I purchased another book, just because she was narrating it.

Any additional comments?

Unlike other parenting books, these techniques could be applied instantly to everyday situations. This is a recommended reading or listening material for any parent who wants a closer relationship with their child.

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