Man Defriends Everyone, Blames “Game of Thrones”

BROOKLYN, NY—Rod Canty used to be a popular guy on Facebook, boasting nearly two thousand friends, all of whom he’d met in person. But following last week’s ‘Red Wedding’ episode of Game of Thrones, he decided to delete his Facebook account. Apparently Canty, who does not have an HBO subscription and has never seen an episode of the popular series, reached his limit of online and terrestrial chatter about the series’ latest installment.

“Sometimes enough is enough, you know,” Canty said to reporters stunned by his retirement to digital hermitude. “When you’re on the outside looking in, and the whole world is going nuts about a frigging TV show, it gives you a new perspective on what matters. And unfortunately, telling everyone in a status update to shut the f___ up wouldn’t have worked.”

Canty has already experienced some benefits to his bold shift in priorities. With great pride, he said that he finally was returning to that writing project he’d been putting off for years. “It’s an epic tale, actually, set in an alternate universe very similar to how I imagine our middle ages were. There are different kingdoms that sometimes interact but each has a rich mythology on their own. And did I mention that there is magic? And dragons?”

He had not, but once Canty learned from the press that his description sounded quite similar to the setting of Game of Thrones, Canty’s mood shifted dramatically. Then, appearing to surrender, Canty said, “Well maybe I should go back and watch this thing. For research. F___ me.”

When asked whether he regretted losing his online friendships, he waved away the question, saying, “Nah, it’s okay. I’m still going to need time to focus on my book series anyway. Being out of the loop will be like I was back in the Middle Ages. It’ll be like method writing.”

The reporters in attendance refrained from commenting that there were no MacBooks in the Middle Ages, but the silently agreed that Canty had experienced enough irony for one day.