Men are simple. It’s an adage as old as time itself; basically it’s Morgan Freeman. It’s partially correct in the sense that men aren’t as complicated as made out to be; just about every “why doesn’t he…” question can be answered with a “because he doesn’t want to.” Trying to find deeper meaning in direct ass words and actions is simply searching for an answer you like better or trying to make a Nicki Minaj verse profound. He isn’t being complicated, he’s literally rhyming race with race and China with China. He doesn’t want you, my dear. That level of simplicity then gets applied to men in general; Be hot. Have sex. Feed him. Don’t nag. Your caveman will love you until he dies… Well except for the fact that he broods mostly at home but you see pictures of him on his line brothers page and he’s never been more ecstatic. He comes home and says work is fine but the entire ride home he sulked thinking about the promotion he got passed over on. He loves your family like his own but you barely know his and he never really speaks about that. Turns out, he isn’t simple. Because no one is simple. We all have our layers, needs, wants, desires.

“Men are simple” is a cop out, albeit self afflicted because we struggle with exploring our layers, expressing our true wants and intentions, and holding ourselves accountable to them. It’s the logic upon which Steve Harvey has built an empire, psssh men are easy clearly it’s you. Men themselves own it, but if all we need is sex, food and silence then why aren’t we satisfied? Not too long ago I wrote about the “its cool girl” (#wellactually, it was well over a year ago… Time flying like a bitch ain’t it?). The it’s cool girl is low maintenance, available, convenient because she is just trying to get chose. Then one day she looks up and realizes she isn’t happy because she lost herself in her relationship. “Sex, food, silence” guy is the other side of that coin, he doesn’t feel, doesn’t care, doesn’t express what he wants because that’s woman shit. It’s cool girl and it’s cool guy then find themselves in a unsatisfying relationship until one or both of them cheats or leaves. (Lawrence and Issa). It’s cool guy might even be worse because he approached, courted and chose her and never really asked himself, is this what I really want?

I’ve been it’s cool guy. I’m a pleaser, but sometimes I would get so caught up in trying to be any and everything for her that I lost myself. Because she was fine. Because she passed the checklist. Because she was my best friend. I was getting the food, sex, silence but still not satisfied, still not whole. I would get frustrated with myself; maybe I was being too picky, maybe I was just a fuckboy or maybe I didn’t know what I was doing. (I still don’t know what I’m doing). The answer was, I was being simple and simplicity bores me. I need to be me, fully and understood as such. Maybe if I knew then what I know now I would’ve been able to express what I needed and received it. Now I do know what I want and still trying to find a way to articulate it. I’m layered but not unsolvable. Learn me. (okay…clearly still work shopping the articulation part)

We all want the simple things but it’s time to stop being naive as if that’s all we want. Netflix is not a date. Stop tweeting generalizations and call her. Yes it’s still a fuckboy move if you’re really good to her whilst stringing her along. Basically, we all need to stop lying. We aren’t simple. Playing it cool helps no one. Just maybe if everyone kept it 100 about what they want, dating could be a wee bit less trash. Instead, everyone paying the minimum wondering why they still in debt. Sad!