Thursday, June 16, 2011

“Where the fuck have you been?” I asked the slightly redder demon as he strolled into my kitchen. The end of his tail was wrapped around my favorite coffee mug, and as he stood there, staring at me as if he had seen a ghost, he took a sip of what, at least from the smell, was not coffee. “Are you sunburnt?”

“The beach, and yes,” He said, in between sips. “Didn’t you get my message.” He peered at me inquisitively.

“Uh, no,” I said, lifting up the mail that sat on the bar. “Where’d you leave it?” I had begun to calm down, it was odd, but his try at being responsible assured me that no harm had come to him. What was even more odd was that I cared.

“The Flying Saucer.”

“In Addison? I never go there!” I snapped at him.

“No stupid, in Houston.” He snapped back.

“I haven’t been there in over a month!”

“Oh, sorry, I’ve had a lot on my mind.” He shrugged and tossed back the rest of the contents of my mug. He then set it on the counter and, without rinsing it out, began to fix some of coffee in it. “My replacement didn’t show up?”

“What replacement?” I asked, watching as he added two spoons of Splenda to the almost black liquid. “When did you start using that?”

“I didn’t, this is yours,” He said as he opened the fridge with his tail and pulled out the cream with the same appendage, pouring it into the mug before returning it to it’s frigid home. His snake-like tail again curled around the mug and held it out to me.

I hesitated, but when I protested, he told me he would drop it otherwise.

“And Billy, you haven’t seen Billy?” Steve asked

“Who’s Billy?” I responded, looking around for another demon, afraid I would find one.

“He’s the a minor demon of Motivation, I thought he would help you out while I was gone. You have all of these ideas, I just thought if I went away you could complete some of them.”

It sounded too good to be true, not only had he tried to motivate me, but he had left me alone for a whole month? “What’s the catch?”

“No catch, was just trying to be nice for a change.”

“Dude, there’s always a catch with you.”

“Another couple of bottles of liquor would be nice.”

“Of course they would. But money’s kind of tight, so sorry, at least not until some of my stuff starts to sell, which means I need to finish some stuff and get it edited.”

“Well, what have you been doing while I’ve been gone?”

Dejectedly, I hung my head. “Nothing,” I mumbled.

“What? It sounded like you said Nothing, hasn’t Billy been here helping?”

“For the last time, I don’t know Billy, and I did say nothing. I’ve done nothing recently.”

Steve snapped his fingers, and a blue man about half his size with inch long horns sticking out of his head appeared before him.

“Hi Steve,” the blue demon said, sounding a bit like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh.

“Hi Billy…” Steve began but I interrupted.

“Wait, so you can just snap your fingers and call other demons up here?”

“If they are below me on the food chain, and I know their real name, yes. Can I get back to Billy now?” Steve said irritatedly.

“Sure.”

“Now Billy, I thought I asked you to come up and take care of Jonathan in my absence.”

“I know, but I could not be bothered.” Came the response, in the same depressed sing-song voice.

“Could not be bothered? You haven’t been topside in fifty-two years, last I heard you wanted to get back, you had some unfinished business to attend to.” If Steve could have turned any redder, he probably would have at this point, his voice beginning to rise.

“But I sent him some vibes!” Billy said in his defense.

“Some vibes! VIBES! He can’t afford to buy me alcohol!” Steve had begun to shake and a throaty growl had crept into his voice. “He should have finished something! That’s why I chose you!” The red demon bit off the end of every sentence, spittle forming at the corners of his lips.

“But Steve!” Billy whined.

“But nothing! Are you the demon of motivation or not?” Steve had begun to poke Billy’s chest with his tail.

“NO!” Billy shouted.

“NO!” Steve growled, and then said it again, “No? What do you mean no?”

“Steve, I tried to tell you before you left, but you were in such a rush, I’m the demon of un-motivation.”