Posts From Your Archives – 5 Indicators Your Partner May Feel Insecure with Your #Success and How to Rectify by D.G.Kaye

Delighted to welcome Debby Gies, author D.G. Kaye with another link from her archives. And if you would like to participate in this series you can find out how at the end of the posts.

This week, Debby highlights a relationship problem that we might assume is related to the rich and famous in Hollywood. However, all of us who are in a relationship, where one partner is suddenly thrust into the limelight, can experience similar issues.

5 Indicators Your Partner May Feel Insecure with Your #Success and How to Rectify by D.G.Kaye

It happens. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our work and our horizons start to broaden, and perhaps this expansion brings travel opportunities for conferences etc., and maybe our partners don’t fully comprehend the scope of our business, or perhaps don’t show any interest. What’s behind the silence or the snarky remarks?

Often, when one partner experiences growth in their business, the other tends to feel left out. Not necessarily left out of the celebration or understanding of the business, but they may begin to experience feelings of unworthiness, insecurity in the relationship, fears of being abandoned, or perhaps just some plain old fashioned envy.

No applause, no kudos received for our accomplishments in praise or recognition can also become an imagined insult for the successor too. They may feel that they no longer wish to share their achievements with their partner, either to avoid sounding superior, or because they feel if they’re not being supported, why bother sharing their victories? Quite often there is much to analyze behind the emotions exhibited by the partner who feels left behind.

What Lies Beneath?

Insecurity – Your partner may feel that your growth is eating into your relationship time with them and quite possibly going to create a distance in the relationship.
A sense of unworthiness – Your partner may experiences feelings of inadequacy. They may feel they’re not on the same level of recognition anymore.
Fear – Your partner starts to develop fears that because they aren’t sharing in your new world of success that they’ll be left behind in the relationship, with fears of abandonment.

What Does This Mean?

The new feelings of inadequacy can begin to eat away at the relationship. The left out partner may react in various ways, depending on the nature of their character.

They May Choose to:

Recoil by refraining from talking about things in their world, feeling as though their life has become insignificant compared to the successor’s.

Become sarcastic in response to anything the successor has to share, which is always a sign of jealousy.

Begin to ignore the successor by not wanting to share any personal feelings, creating an emotional distance.

Choose to retaliate for their perceived feelings of being left behind. These tactics can range anywhere from staying out late to avoid confronting their partner with concerns, or possibly looking for an outlet such as: company, drugs or alcohol to mask their unhappiness.

What Can You Do?

1. Speak. Talk to your partner. Don’t let the distance grow between you as time passes. Ask them why your achievements are causing them anxiety. Offer them assurance that your accomplishments are helping to grow your income and that it shouldn’t make them feel as though they aren’t as important to you as your business. People want to feel secure.

2. Listen. Ask your partner to share their fears with you. Often suppressing fears and worries grows into bigger issues. These issues will eat into a relationship down the road. Discuss their fears with them and give them positive feedback on how you will work together on your relationship so they don’t feel left out in the cold.

3. Share. Keep the dialogue alive between you. Even though your business may not be understood by your partner, keeping them abreast of daily dealings will make them feel they are still a part of your world.

4. Strengthen. Keep your relationship alive with common interest. Ask them about their job or hobby, or simply, how their day went. Make date nights. Watch a movie together. Talk about friends and relatives together. Plan a vacation with no work. Create events that you can both look forward to sharing.

5. Include. Ask your partner to attend functions with you, business or otherwise. Ask them to look at some of your work and offer suggestions on how you may be able to improve something. Ask them what they would do if they were faced with a business dilemma you may be encountering. Everybody needs to feel important in a relationship whether business or emotional. The best way to do that is to keep them included and abreast of your work.

Remember: Silence speaks volumes. If you notice the behavior of your partner is changing as your success expands, begin taking action before it escalates into something unpleasant and grows into something larger than the original issue.

Parenthood does not come with a user manual. Children learn parenting skills from the adults in their lives. They generally emulate what they see and experience. If their lifelong experience is a negative one, they might be inclined to perpetuate it. But this does not have to be so.

In her compelling memoir, P.S. I Forgive You, D.G. Kaye reveals the habitual neglect and abuse she and her siblings suffered at the hands of an envious, threatening, narcissistic, and deceitful mother.

It takes courage, strength, and determination to prevail over hardship, especially when it is a constant in childhood; especially when a parent perpetrates neglect and abuse. But it is not impossible to overcome adversity when one focuses their intention.

Kaye shows us how to take the energy consumed by feeling mistreated, hurt, fearful, and guilty, and instead make it work for us by directing that energy toward building self-esteem, fortitude, and positive intention. She tells us how she reacted as a child, and then shows us how, as an adult, she turned a negative into a positive. Acceptance, compassion, and forgiveness are major players in this scenario, a dynamic that tested the author’s resilience, challenged her conscience, and ultimately allowed her to triumph over the all-consuming adverse conditioning perpetrated by her demanding narcissistic mother.

I highly recommend this book to anyone whose childhood was hijacked by a neglectful and abusive parent, and who would like to learn how to break free and live a happy healthy life.

I’m a nonfiction memoir writer who writes about life, matters of the heart and women’s issues. I write to inspire others by sharing my stories about events I encountered, and the lessons that come along with them.

I love to laugh, and self-medicate with a daily dose of humor. When I’m not writing intimate memoirs, you’ll find me writing with humor in some of my other works and blog posts.

When I was a young child, I was very observant about my surroundings. Growing up in a tumultuous family life, otherwise known as a broken home, kept me on guard about the on-and-off-going status of my parent’s relationship. I often wrote notes and journaled about the dysfunction that I grew up in. By age seven I was certain I was going to grow up to be a reporter.

Well life has a funny way of taking detours. Instead, I moved away from home at eighteen with a few meager belongings and a curiosity for life. I finished university and changed careers a few times, as I worked my way up to managerial positions. My drive to succeed at anything I put my mind to led me to having a very colorful and eventful life.

Ever the optimist, that is me. I’ve conquered quite a few battles in life; health and otherwise, and my refusal to accept the word No, or to use the words ‘I can’t’ have kept me on a positive path in life.

I love to tell stories that have lessons in them, and hope to empower others by sharing my own experiences.

Quotes:“Live Laugh Love . . . And Don’t Forget to Breathe!”

“For every kindness, there should be kindness in return. Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”

We all have posts that we wrote a year or so ago, or even longer, that are not read as much these days, as new posts take up your readers time.

However, why not share them over here to my readers?

Not only is this a chance to showcase your posts, but also your blog and books. Start off by sending me four links to the posts you would like to see given another boost and I will take it from there – sally.cronin@moyhill.com

Thank you for dropping in and please feel free to share. I hope that if you do not already follow Debby’s blog you will not head over and check it out.

About Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life.

My name is Sally Cronin and I am doing what I love.. Writing. Books, short stories, Haiku and blog posts. My previous jobs are only relevant in as much as they have gifted me with a wonderful filing cabinet of memories and experiences which are very useful when putting pen to paper. I move between non-fiction health books and posts and fairy stories, romance and humour. I love variety which is why I called my blog Smorgasbord Invitation and you will find a wide range of subjects. You can find the whole story here.
Find out more at https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/about-me/

45 thoughts on “Posts From Your Archives – 5 Indicators Your Partner May Feel Insecure with Your #Success and How to Rectify by D.G.Kaye”

Bottom line for ALL relationships: regular connection and communication. The specifics are wonderful, but I sometimes scratch my head when they are aha!s rather than reminders. There are days when I wonder why the divorce stats aren’t higher – and even more impressed by long-standing marriages like both of yours.

Thanks Madelyn.. we sometimes joke that out of 37 years we have actually spent at least 10 years apart either for job or family reasons and that is the secret of a happy marriage! But on the other hand, unlike many couples we have spent 20 years working together on various projects and share an office most of the day. The day I hit the big time!!!! David will be there right alongside me as part of the journey. xxxx

Deb, you are surely THE relationship guru! I see you with your own talk show, doling out helpful advice to the woeful. At the very least, you’d be a superb guest on The Talk. Is this the subject of your WIP? If so, it will make a great addition to your published works. Terrific advice and great choice by you and Sally ❤❤

Wow, thanks for the kudos T. Actually, I’ve been giving relationship advice since I can remember back. Funny you mention. I’d love to have a talk show on the topic, hoping to get more involved with that in the new year. My latest book is giving me a hard time because it’s seems to be a cross-genre, somewhere between a memoir and advice. Like a ghost – I’m stuck in between two worlds. LOL. But it’s about marriage through the years, what changes, how to tackle the changes and the fundamental values. Told through my life and marriage. Confused yet? 🙂 ❤ xoxox

Aha….Oh, dear….Very sound advice Deb and I am the biggest culprit of all time…I am very insular when I am writing and guilty as charged …… Maybe I should try a little harder or maybe I should rephrase that and say I will…A great article Debby 🙂

I certainly am and today he is lucky there is a death penalty here…I was cooking baked beans from scratch went to the hairdressers and came back and as soon as I walked in…My answer to my question on could you not smell the burning was ” I thought that aroma was a cooking smell”…My reply as of now was silence…I am still pondering on that one…Next weeks posts was/is Beans…My next step is to pour a G & T methinks and ponder… Hugs xx

Dear Debby, Before I say anything else, let me say that as a fan I was not surprised that your observations and conclusions were brilliantly astute. I do read a lot of biography (you won’t be surprised) and it seems you encapsulated why relationships break down even between people we see as equal partners in the limelight -Brad and Angelina, Taylor and Burton.
I have often thought famous women like Madonna don’t so much need a husband as a wife (-forgive me women, its not a personal opinion just a popular view of a traditional 50s housewife role – someone prepared to stay in the background and offer unstinting support, have the dinner ready when they role in and generally accept they are the second fiddle).
As creatives there are never enough hours in the day to do all we need to do, even if we never ate or slept. , You are right, we do need to get our priorities right. We have one life and one love. Perhaps is seems ok saying BUT I AM DOING IT FOR YOU but it is certainly no substitute for the life you could be sharing together. I second all the comments above a wise and thoughtful article. Thank you Sally for bringing it back to the forefront of our minds.
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Thank you so much Paul for your most beautiful feedback. You’re so right, fluffing off a comment telling our significant other we’re doing it for them is like telling a story in a book without showing the emotions. Actions and interaction speak louder than words. 🙂 x

What great info, Debby and thanks, Sally for sharing! I had a ridiculously insecure partner for a few years; it was exhausting! My hubby of 4+ years loves me and does not care that I am a professor and make more $$. That’s how it should be!