Sunday, May 18, 2008

So do you start out in life looking for this virtuous woman? Do you expect to find a woman who is the role model Proverbs 31? I would have answered yes as a young man. Now that I have celebrated my 12th anniversary with my wife I would tell the story differently. Proverbs 31:10Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.To find a woman with these qualities would be a difficult task. To find a woman with the desire and the potential would be a much more possible task. They still exist today. They are hard to find but when you do find her, it is similar to finding a very valuable item such as a ruby. Keep in mind when you find a ruby it won’t be polished and shining.Every woman was once a little girl with dreams. She had dreams of finding her “Mr. Right”, her “knight in shining armor.” The little girl was forced to grow up whether she wanted to or not. Now this woman has had to face the reality of life. If you are the husband you must realize that you have a significant part in how this woman is able to become the woman God has designed her to be. You as the man can be a great hindrance or you can be the leader of your home and allow God to move freely in your wife and your family. Even your own prayers can be hindered if you are not living in harmony with your wife. 1 Peter 3:7Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.I have spoken with men about their marriages and I have been shocked at some of the things I have heard. Men have confessed to using abusive language toward their wives. Once even a man in a position/title I have longed to be myself, confessed to me of cursing his wife in anger with the “F” word. Others refer to their wives as their “Old Lady,” another said he was going home to “The black angel of death”. Others have wept as they tell me their wives are leaving them or they are gone already. I’ve had men sit and tell me they love their wife more than anything and they would do anything to prove to them that they love them. And while they tell me this they are holding and drinking a beer and it is because the wife is tired of living with a drunk that she is leaving.A man of integrity and one whose life belongs to the Lord Jesus will not curse his wife. He is a fountain of living water. A fountain only produces one type of water, bitter or sweet. (James 3:11)What is your fountain made of? From where is its source? Out of the mouth the heart speaks. (Mathew 12:34) Ephesians 4:29Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.If you allow yourself to release damaging words upon your wife or children you defile yourself. Mathew 15:18But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man. You have removed yourself from the Grace of God! For when we sin God turns and looks the other way. (John 9:31, Isaiah 59:2,Proverbs 28:9) A real man will put aside his selfish desires in order to put his family before himself. This is what it means to “Loveyour wives as Christ loved the Church”. He died to himself for the benefit of others. That is true selflessness.I once came home from work only to go fishing again like I did quite often. I had ignored all the signs from my wife that she didn’t want me going as often as I did. This particular day she was weeping as I was leaving. I still didn’t see that she wanted me home. She missed me. She enjoyed being with me. I was her best friend. So as I was leaving she cried for me to stay. I just thought she was a little emotional so I started to get up to go anyway and she took a pillow from our bed and she hit me with it with all of her might. In defensive anger I looked her in the eye. But when I saw her eyes, they were filled with loneliness and hurt and the reality struck me that I had caused this. It was my own selfishness that brought us to this point. I married her because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I want that life to be good and harmonious.In order for a marriage to be healthy each one needs to be more attentive to the spouses needs than your own. It is about serving the other. Putting the other first instead of you.How then, you ask, do you live a life that is pleasing to the Lord and in harmony with your wife? You follow God’s instructions: Ephesians 5:25-28Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. A real man will die to himself. He will not only physically lay his life down to save his wife and children but he will lay aside his life to produce a family that is pleasing and healthy in the sight of God. This is what He was telling us when God said to love our wives as Christ loved the church. Men when we will follow God’s instruction to die to ourselves something miraculous happens. What happened when Jesus gave his life for the church? He rose again, victorious! 2 Corinthians 5:17Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.You must first be willing to lay your life down and trust in the Lord to raise you from the spiritually dead as a new creature.Husband it is not your job to tell your wife what God had already told her in Ephesians 5:22,23Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. (Trust me I've tried it) By reiterating this to your wife you are saying “God step aside for a moment I don’t think you said it quite clearly enough I am going to straighten this out for myself”. A woman will naturally follow her man if he has humbled himself before the Lord and he is striving to be the leader of the home that God has designed him to be. It may take some getting used to for her. It all depends on how much of a mess you’ve gotten yourself into. But be sure of this, God hears a repentant sinner and He wants to heal the wounds in your marriage. God does not like divorce, in fact God hates divorce. (Malachi 2:14-16)I don’t get up each day and tell the Lord to use me today. I say each day, “God livein me, live through me as I die to myself so that you may live”. In having this attitude it has given God freedom to be in my life. I pray each day and ask God to help me be a better father and a better husband, a better servant of His. So as trials hit me through out the day I see them as God trying to change me into the man He wants me to be. As God grabs hold of me sometimes my wife is holding onto my coat tail trying to hang on but if you could see her face I know you would see a joyfully excited woman, thankful to have her man. I have the happiest wife in all the world. Our marriage is not perfect but it is close to perfect. We both know to truly live, you must die. But it is a daily struggle to die to ourselves and put the other first. I do not allow any unwholesome talk to come out of my mouth or even enter my thoughts about my wife. My wife is truly a crown to my head. (Ephesians 5:33) Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.It is possible to establish this type of relationship but you must set things in order according to God's word.

As a king comes into his kingdom a hush comes over the crowd and all eyes look for the one who is king. Their eyes see from afar the sparkling and glistening crown that identifies the king. Without his crown he would still be king but when he has his crown on there is no doubt who he is. (Proverbs 12:4) I feel like a king in my home only because my wife honors me in such a way and oh what a beautiful crown I have. More than I could have ever imagined. The Lord has given me a virtuous woman. Husbands do as the Lord has commanded us:

Die to yourself.Die to yourself so that you may receive your crown, “A virtuous woman”.