Mars Defends Americans’ Right to Walk Around Times Square in Underwear

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Oh, they’re clever. We had been rooting for the Naked Cowboy in his fight against Mars, the parent company of M&M’s, whom the Tightie-Whitied One sued for trademark infringement after the company placed an ad of an M&M in Naked Cowboy gear in Times Square without even offering the dude a lifetime supply of Twix, not that he would have eaten it, anyway. Why? Because as annoying as he is, the Naked Cowboy is an institution, and he’s the little guy in this situation, and when we look at fortysomething buff ass out there working hard and making sure a carb never passes his lips, well, we just hope for him that someday he will get to a place where he can retire and eat whatever he wants. It’s what we want for you, too. But Mars struck back recently with a big-picture defense that we can’t help butadmire.

They are arguing that Burck doesn’t have the rights to trademark his signature “get-up” consisting of only a “white cowboy hat, white boots, white underpants and an acoustic guitar,” according to thefiling.

That’s right. Mars is not just trying to squirm out of paying the Naked Cowboy, they are defending American freedoms. Everyone has a right to strut around in tightie whities, and Goddamn it if over at Intel we’re not going to go ahead and exercise that right right now. Who’s with us? Chris?Chris?