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Letter(s) from Olga Smirnova to Lamar (USA)

Letter 1

Hi Kerry!
The day is wonderful today and the weather is good. The sun is shining all the day. To add to all this I have got your leter and my happiness doesn't have limits. And what about your weather? May be today after work I will go home by foot. I like to walk along the street and to breath fresh air, especially when the weather is warm. As a matter of fact I don't want to go home. It is very boring and lonely at home. Sometimes I don't mention it, but sometimes when I come home with good mood, I want to talk very much, to share thoughts with anybody, to have fun. But my flat is empty and I have to be in full solitude. And my good mood disappears. I simply sit down in an arm-chair and look at the window. And when the silence deafen me when I hear as My blood flows in my veins, I hear movement of my eyelashes, at that moment becomes unbearably and my heart compresses. I don't know how to struggle with it. I can listen to music or read a book. But in some moment I understand that I just deceive myself. In fact I want a beloved person to be near me, with whom I could spend evenings, to meet morning, to speak about yesterday and to dream about tomorrow day. I want to walk and to feel a strong man arm holds me. I don't want to cook meals only for myself. I want somebody to appreciate it. But enough about it.
Yesterday I saw Elena. She was very glad, that has come to her. By the way, a pie which I to cook for Birthday was a chokolate pie with pineapple. And I think, that this pie was good. We could not eat everything, therefore we shared with nurses. I and Elena spoke much. Elena is very glad, that I have got acquainted with you. She has told to you "Hello." Elena very much wants, what I and you were pains than friends. I have told to her what early to speak about it. But she to me has told, that sees as I is glad to acquaintance to you. The attending physician has not told Elena as for a long time she will be treated, but I hope, that she will soon return for work and I shall not miss her.
You have sent a picture. I am grateful to you. It is pleasant for me to see. I like your a picture. I hope, that you like my. Kerry, tell "hello" for Jacob, Kayla and David.
I have just cured a little boy's teeth. I asked him: What do you dream about? He answered that he dreams to become a grownup because grownups don't have problems with teeth. It was so funny. I often remember childhood. I always dreamed to become a grown up as soon as possible. As every child I completely believed that grownups don't have problems at all. I dreamt in the childhood and I dream now. Of course, the world of dreams is an illusive world. We live in a real life, so we can't to sink into the world of dreams and phantasies for long. When a dream becomes obsession, it can bring only pain and disappointment. Practically dreams do not always realize. It happens that you use all power, all aspiration to make the dream come true. But as much you try, not all in this life depend on us. When the dream for a long time does not come true, as though you did not try, dream ceases to be that star, which was for you lighthouse in ocean of the life, which illuminated your way. But anyway, I think that it is impossible to live without dreames and hopes. When there is a dream, the life is filled with sense. The dreams are those things that do us people that distinguishes us from the whole rest alive world. The dreams contribute variety in ordinary and grey life. The dreams force to think, analyse, choose and come to a conclusion. The Faith and Hope - an eternal satellites of our lifes. And regardless of what waits you at the end, joy of the victories and subordinated tops we remember better, than disappointment and pain of the defeats. You agree with me?I am surprised that I write you all this. I have never had a person, with whom I could share my thoughts. But now I have found you, and I am very glad. Forgive me for my frankness. If I said something superfluous forgive me please. Do you like when your friends come to your home? What clothes do you like the lady wear? I will wait for your letter with impatience.
Olga.

Letter 2

Hi, Kerry
I am very glad that you have written me. Thank you very much. I like your letters very much and wait for them every day.
It is pleasant for me to see yours a pictures. I am glad, that you send me. I could not think, that so it is easy to see a pictures because of ocean.
Do you want to actually meet? Do you want to discuss a visit? Maybe you could come here, or I could come there?
I never thought of visiting the USA. But I want to see this country because I think it the great country.I have no familiar in the USA except for you. It is probable, if we shall make friends closer it will be possible to meet (in the USA or Russia).
Today there was very strong downpour at night. The rain poured all the night long. In the morning when I go in the street I have seen that all footpaths and roads completely are covered by pools of water. But I like such weather. When our city is covered with a veil of rains, all people gloomy and sad. It's strangely, but weather so influenced on mood of people. People do not notice beauty which surrounded them. But only not I. In me such weather wakens the big energy and fine mood. I remember once upon a time I have suggested to Elena to walk, when in the street was a strong rain. But she is surprised spoke: "In the street a puddles, the rain and a wind. I am not a lunatic to walk in such weather. I shall better sit at home and to watch TV. " Then I have told to my girlfriend that it is necessary to be able to search for the positive moments in negative. And necessary to be able to enjoy what you have at present. I have described to her the rain so, how I see it. After she has listened to me, we at once have gone to walk. I like all seasons. I like autumn in Koryakovo. Yellow leaves, gold trees. It is so wonderful to walk in the park and to listen how leaves rustle under feet, and to feel in the air the smell of arriving winter. And clouds floating in the sky; and birds are departing to the warm grounds. And at night the sky begins to cry. The rain knocks on windows and roofs. A lightning illuminates for shares of second the empty streets. It is fine. In such weather it would be desirable to appear in a small room with a warm fireplace. Weak light and singing of a cricket. And if near there will be a beloved - it will be paradise. How you think Kerry? What can be finer than romantic evening in rainy day? I at all do not know what season I like more. As well as all people, I wait for the summer in the winter, and in the summer I wait for the winter. But all the same Russian winter is delightful. All the world around is white. Only fur-trees with the green clothes heat a look. And falls of snow bewitches. Especially in the evening. Flows of light from a window, and on a background of black sky, small snowflakes are similar to stars. If during this moment for a long time you look at the sky - it seems that you flies through these wonderful snowflakes towards something unknown. I like spring in Koryakovo. The world as though is born again. Air is filled with freshness. All troubles and failures thawed together with snow. The sounds of the baby birds chirping for the first time. Summer is a fine mood, the desire to learn the world, to have a rest and enjoy life. I feel that I rambling on. Forgive me. Simply now I have romantic mood.
I like very much when my friends come at my place. I like to cook and that's why I regale them different tasty dishes. Elena is a good cooker too and she often helps me. We often cook different dishes and regale each other. I also like to watch films with my friends at my place. It is a pity I don't have VHS or DVD players. But in Koryakovo we have 8 TV channels and sometimes go to moovie. Our flats are very bad equiped for live. I even don't have telephone. In Kostroma few families have home telephones. I know that it sounds wildly, but you have to understand that Russia begen to develope several years ago. People have to come beforehand to make an appointment with a doctor. Yesterday I again was in hospital with Elena. She became better. It will be fast she at home and later will come to work. I am glad, that her illness is not serious.She has told to you "Hi." Elena is glad that I am familiar with you. She has told, that wants to meet you because never communicated with the foreigner. I also would like to speak with you in person.
I will wait for your letter with impatience.
Olga.

Letter 3

Hi my friend, Kerry!!!!
I am very glad that you have written. Many thanks. You have again raised my mood and have placed a happy smile on my face.
Today very good day for me. Because Elena has come to a polyclinic and will work. She has told to the attending physician that can be recover itself because she the physician. The doctor has taken the promise, that Elena will be recover and has allowed to go from hospital. I think, that we shall speak much. But we shall not overlook about our patients. Elena has told to you "Hi".
It is pleasant for me to read, that you have children. I hope, that you loving and careful father.
You have written to me your number phone. I never called to anybody from other country earlier. But I shall try to call you from a public telephone booth because I have no phone of a house. Anyhow I shall be glad to hear your voice!
By the way Kerry, today I went to job being absolutely confident that you write to me today. Earlier I always went with an thought that you probably yet have not written, but today for the first time I went with an thought that your letter waits for me already. I went on the street and I smiled. I could not hide my smile. People which passed near to me looked back on me. Ladies in Russia smile rarely, because life is filled with different problems, cares, difficulties and obstacles. All this prevails over little fortunes which the lady has in her life. In Russia the lady stands on the same stair as the man already for a long time. She can do the same work as the man can. Very often In Russia the lady does the man's work - the heavy physical work. In the 19th century one Russian poet wrote about Russian woman: "Russian woman can enter in the burning house and she can stop frightened horse running towards her". The only thing she lacks is simple warm and caress, which she wants to receive from a man. This is the problem of Russian men. The Russian lady does everything for the man but doesn't get anything from him. All what she needs is at least a couple of tender words and gentle touching of his hands. Is it really so difficult? Is it really difficult to present your lady a romantic evening and a supper with candles? In Russia as a rule such gift give lady for a man, but not a man for lady. When a woman carry heavy bags in the street no man will help her, he will only turn his look away and go farther. That's why the Russian lady never feels happy at her heart. Russian men, practically all of them, usually treat to ladies disrespectfully. They consider that woman only have to work, to cook, to wash cloths and entertain the man when he wants. For the Russian man it is a usual thing to offend a woman. I like to cook and to wash cloths but sometimes I would like to receive simple caress, love and attention. I don't want to offend all the men. Of course there are good men in Russia, but there are few of them. Men frequently speak dirty words (not normative lexicon) when speak with lady and consider that in it there is nothing bad.
I had boyfriend. We had good time together. He was kind. But he liked to drink. When he got drunk he became an absolutely other person. He talked with me with bad and dirty words. The time passed and his love to alcohol became a habit. He became another person - rude and evil. Has taken a great interest in beating me, frequently struck and knocked me by hands and the next day he smiled and talked with me as if nothing had happened. I began to be afraid of him and and I have left him. My soul was wounded very much. After this I couldn't make myself get acquainted with another man. Now I don't trust Russian men. I am afraid to give my love but get in lieu thereof the roughness. If you have disagreements with lady, you can apply roughness? I want to send a picture. I ridiculous on it. But I think that you want to see me in a various kind. I hope, that you will not cease to write to me.
Your Olya.

Letter 4

Hi, Kerry!
How your mood? I hope that up to my letter your mood was fine, but after my letter your mood became superfine (smile) Likely I too self-confident. But I am happy again because I have again received your letter. I so waited this minute, when I can write to you. Yesterday I went to Elena home and told her that you told her hello. I think you don't mind it? I hope that sometimes you will get aquainted. You will understand that friend can be more that brother or sister.
You should not worry about phone. I think, that I can call you in weekend.
Tomorrow difficult day waits for me. Tomorrow I again work in dental mobile car. I did not say it to you yet. But it happens only once a week. Dental mobile car - automobile which is more than passenger car, but is less than the bus. Two years ago I and Elena have written to Ministry of Health the offer to allocate the automobile to make dental mobile car. At that time we with her have consisted in society of volunteer help weak and ailing people. As a rule it is old lonely people which are not capable to live without help of extraneous people. These people could not visit hospital because they could not go independently. We have suggested to come periodically to such people on this automobile with the necessary equipment to not carry these people in hospital. This offer was approved and now we already visit more than fifty settlements in our area. Unfortunately tomorrow I will go without Elena. She will work in a polyclinic. On this it will be difficult days. In total in our area five such automobiles. We go in small villages and settlements where live people, which for the different reasons cannot go in city to cure a teeth. In our district a lot of such people. Now we help not only to such people, but also children living in children's orphanages. We have many orphanages, but this orphanages have no personal dental cabinet, on this every week Elena, I and ours colleague - dental surgeon, we go in various orphanages on dental mobile car. We became friends with all children and all children love us very much, because also we visit this orphanage in the days off to give help of various sort. The state allocates very few money for the maintenance and contents of orphanages. Buildings are very old. But children do not have anybody to help them and to give them financial support. That's why some people voluntary render the feasible help. We help to repair rooms. Many walls do not have even wall-paper and stucco. The floors and beds are very old. The conditions are terrible. The meal is awful. The children practically have no toys. When I look at all this there are tears in my eyes. My friend and I help to do repair. We glue wall-paper and paint the windows. We bring children new toys. You cannot imagine how children are pleased when we come. And they are glad not only because they wait for new toys, they wait for us. They require kindness and caress very much. Again I write too in detail. Forgive me, please.
I send you a picture. Practically it is the newest picture. Unfortunately Elena's camera has almost broken then. It is a pity, that we have no it now.
Oh Kerry! I should go.
Sincerely and with the best regards.
Your Olya.

Letter 5

Hi my Kerry!
How your mood? Any your mood today I want to try to make even better. I wrote to you about dental mobile car. It has broken also we could not go in village. It is a pity, that has failed. Such happens seldom, but it is the fact. Our dental mobile car stood all the day long in garage. It was repaired by the driver.
I recieved another "message" from "Olga" on the yahoo singles thing.....I'm confused.
I did not write to you it. By the way, I have no profile because I am familiar with you.
Kerry, yesterday my boss informed me that I will have a vacation approximately in 2 or 3 weeks. But I have not been pleased. Schedule constituted by accounts department not change. I have begun to cry, because it means that I cannot write to you. Then I have found out that lady which gives me to use her computer, maybe will receive a vacation right after me, and if it will take place I can not use a computer two months. I have imagined that I should spend my vacation in my apartment, between four walls. I will aimlessly wander on streets and every night will sleep with tears on eyes. I have imagined that I should spend some months without you and in my heart has appeared awful emptiness. And I have told to myself: "NO! It not for me!" I decided to spend this vacation with you. Simply to meet. It's all that I want now. I have addressed visas agency. I wondered how much it will cost for me to make American visa.
They told me that consideration of the application on reception of the visa costs 100 dollars. This sum does not come back even in that case if my application will not be approved. And for getting a visa is necessary to go to Moscow where there is an American consulate. They have told that I will must visit set of various departments both in Moscow. It is a usual way of getting a visa and procedure of reception can be delayed for even some months. I said I can't wait so long. To me have told that is possible to avoid set of problems and to make all in faster terms if to use Full Package of Service (FPS). FPS includes additional payments for a category of the visa, consular services, preparation for Interview with commission, interview. FPS costs 335 dollars, but the visas agency remove all problems and thus increases the chance of getting a visa without excessive delays (I can get a visa in a week or two). I said that this variant satisfies me and I agree. And I really have registered the visa application with great belief and hope that you want to meet me. Can you imagine that if everything will be well, in two weeks we can meet? Would be you happy if we could spend some days together? I have some savings. I do not want to cause you a monetary outlay. I will make all myself. You can think that I hurry events. But it is possible to wait eternally. But I am happy right now. In Russia speak: "The water doesn't flow under lying stone the". It mean that it is necessary to do a step onward to achieve something. I will receive vacation soon. During all my life I spent my vacation in my village. But now I can spend my vacation with my friend, with you! It is big happiness. You my dear friend, and friends meet sometimes. I think it will be wonderful. I hope, that you do not regard my words as impudence. I simply want to meet and spend some happy days with you. I hope, that your feelings to me have not changed after that. But I want to see you to slightly becalm my tormented heart. Tell me please, can you meet me? You will be glad if I will arrive to you?
Elena also has approved me. She has told: " do not miss chance! " I think, that Elena the rights. She worries about our relations very much. I know, that she very good friend.
Much tenderness from Olya!!!

Letter 6

Hi, my far, but dear friend Kerry.
Many thanks for your letter. It was the long-awaited letter. I am really madly glad to receive your letter. I am really glad that I have found you.
Today I spoke with Elena about you. It was not long conversation. But it is pleasant to recollect you every minute. Elena has told to you "Hello". She is glad, that we can soon we shall meet.
I have never done this in my life, (tried to initiate a relationship halfway across the world), and I might have much to learn about how to proceed, but I am more than willing to learn whatever it takes to succeed if that is your desire as well. I also believe that couples should be the best friends possible, which trust and share with each other everything that they feel. I do not know if my word and thoughts make sense to you, and I try very hard to put them in typed words that you will feel and understand. I believe in God, and I believe that I have been put through trials to prepare me for meeting a man with whom I will spend the rest of my life loving, to better appreciate him, respect him and cherish the love, that he would give; only asking that I return the same. I hope that my words and letters are not boring to you, but they are much more than mere words, they are my thoughts and feelings, and I send them out to you. I very much desire that you find it in your heart and are comfortable with sharing your personal feelings with me, I wish to know you on a more intimate level, I would like you to share your dreams, your hopes, your feelings of the heart with me, I truly wish to connect with you on a level that goes way beyond mere friendship. Please do not think me foolish for thinking these things, I believe that in order for anything to succeed, you have to be honest, and that is what I am doing with you. Could you close your eyes for just a minute, and think and dream of what a life we could share, what it would be like, the fun of learning each other. I really believe that dreams do come true for people which dare to believe in dreams, because if they believe in them hard enough, dreams could become in reality. I guess that you are shocked that I feel this way, but here, where I was raised, the gift of true love from a man is something that is more similar to a Mirage or self-deception, rather than mutual feeling which two enamored people can give each other. I hope that I am not rambling on with my words. I have so much that I wish to share with you, and each time I write to you, I feel there is never enough time to say everything that I want to say, and I always feel that I have forgotten something important that I wanted to share with you. Kerry, when I speak of you and I think of you, it does not matter for me what anyone else thinks. I want to tell that you are very beautiful for me. I mean, I find that you are not only attractive as a man, I also speak of the beauty that is within you, beauty of your internal world, and alas, this particular type of beauty is very special and rare. Most men have only appearances, but not have beauty inside, and this is where true beauty is. This, is that for me is the most important and significant in all limits of my character, my soul and my consciousness. Your words spoken to me with so much kindness and care, they express the beauty within you. I think that you are truly handsome, the essence of what beauty should be, and there is nothing that anyone could say to me that would compel to change my mind even a little bit. I want to reduce essence of all my letter only to one thought. I do not know if I could clearly explain all my thoughts and feelings, which overflow me now, or not. I want to tell that I feel, we become very good friends and I really enjoy our friendship. I aspire to learn you more and I dare to hope that you suppose a thought that our relations can develop more than it enough for simple friendship. It is that way which I feel. As always I hope that my letter finds you in good health and spirits, and I hope that every yours wish you have comes true one day. I will look forward to your reply as always with anticipation and impatience....
By the way, thanks for the information about the airport. When I shall receive the visa I shall learn the information of flight. Kerry, many thanks for a beautiful picture. You had a good entertainment. I am glad, that you good father.
I send you a picture. I asked Elena what to do a beautiful picture of me. That has turned out. It is autumn of 2003. whether I do not know this picture is pleasant to you. But me and Elena it is pleasant.
With tenderness, Olya.

Letter 7

Hi my Kerry!
Thanks you, that you write to me. My heart calms down when I receive your letter.
I want to write my address. But I very much ask to not send me anything. Because service I shall esteem in Russia works disgustingly. They have constant losses and delays of parcels. Especially I do not want to be obliged. I am independent.
Smirnova Olga
Solonitsina st, 9-15
Kostroma Russia 156003
Today I speculate about you and about me. It so is surprising. As a matter of fact we live on the different sides of our planet, but we so are similar. I never was even outside of my country. To travel outside the seas and oceans for me in general outside a reality. I cannot imagine it as though I not tried. And always, as likely many people Never seeing anything except for native house, I console myself by thought, that you have the same blue sky and the same life. Maybe life behind ocean is more cheerful and rich, paints are brighter and the summer is warmer. But also as here, people cry when they feel a pain, people suffer when lose close people, women in torments give birth to children. It is identical everywhere. You and I have the same cares and problems. Every day I try to imagine that occurs in your heart, do you worry or not, do you think of me or not, do you imagine us or not. I look in a window, there, where the sky and the ground merge in a single whole. I try to be lost in this imagined world, I try to weaken my sight, that all what I see became indistinct, dim. And then your image has emerged before my eyes. And I already see how you go along the street though I absolutely have no idea what your street look like. But I see you, I see as you smile, as at cinema in the slowed down action you come nearer to me, and your image becomes more and more precise. You speak something but I do not hear you. But I read on your lips, and my heart with fatal delight understands what you speak me. And these your words burn me from within. During the some moment I so sink in this world of illusions that I cease to understand where a reality. But the next second all breaks off and again before my eyes the grey sky, the white ground and people which at all do not suspect what occurs in my heart.
It is so unusual to me, and in same time I feel so conveniently as if I know you the whole eternity. And I am sure that it not accidentally. And it is not important what waits for me in the nearest future, I know that I already have found remarkable, kind and good a man and a friend. And if I will see him, if I meet him and I can look in his eyes, I can tell to him everything what I cannot tell in letters, I will be madly happy. Now, today, this minute not important, where will bring me this way. I know that it is true road. I live not the future,- I live today, and exactly today I live by bright and happy life. I should finish the letter.
In relations with lady are you a dominating part? I have in view of - you like more to be the leader and to make all decisions personally or you like to discuss questions with lady and to make a decision together?
I think that it is good when the problems are solved together. Even if the problem is of one of the spouse. I think it is good when the spouses tell each other their problems.
Your Olya.