February is the month we look to celebrate our love for another person. Often we focus so much on how we show love to someone else, it makes me wonder how loving we are towards ourselves. One of the most popular blogs on my website is one where I ask the reader to consider whether they are too helpful towards others. I think people click on that blog article because they think they are giving too much and they do not have time or energy to take care of themselves.

Today, in the spirit of Valentine’s Day, focus on showing loving kindness to yourself. Put some of the love you intend to give to another back to yourself. How long has it been a long time since you have done something for yourself? If you cannot remember the last time you took care of yourself, take a moment to contemplate it now. Consider this an invitation to nurture yourself. It really is a necessity to take care of you first and foremost.

My motto is, “I am no good for others if I am not good to myself.” Consider this motto a requirement, if not a necessity.

To start, you can ask yourself, “What would I do today if I was really acting in a loving manner towards myself?” What can you do, starting today, to take care of you? If you have no ideas- let me give you some:

Get physical. Go for a hike, a walk at lunch time, bike ride, or go to a yoga class. Being active gets the endorphins going and just makes you feel good.

Play hooky from your normal activity. I love to take the afternoon off to go to the movies. It is so nurturing to break away from our routine.

Spend time alone: Go to a local coffee shop, listen to a podcast, read a book or a special magazine.

Get creative: Go visit a local art gallery or museum to get inspired filled up with beauty.

Be restful: Take a nap, sleep in a little later.

Imagine how it would feel to start caring for yourself now. If you feel overwhelmed even thinking about taking care of yourself, take it slow. If you have no idea what you can do to take care of yourself, I have a simple trick. Think back on a time in the past, when you were younger and you did take care of yourself. What did you do then? Get that image in your head consider how good it felt. If the memory of it makes you feel good- Do That!

In honor of Valentine’s Day spend some time treating yourself with loving kindness. It will instill feelings of joy and happiness in you that you might have been missing for a while.

What is your answer to the question “What would I do today if I was really acting in a loving manner towards myself?” I would love to hear your answer below in the comments.

Kim McLaughlin, MA is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in helping people with eating issues and eating disorders. She is a counselor in Roseville and the greater Sacramento CA area. If you are concerned that about overeating, weight or your use of food in general please contact her here.

How is creativity a feeling?

Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Counselor and Motivational Coach who specializes in working with people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. Kim is a counselor in Roseville and the greater Sacramento CA area. She is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. She is the author of the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discover Your Inspiration.

Kim McLaughlin has been identified as writing one of the Top 50 Blogs about Emotional Eating by the Institute on Emotional Eating. Sign up for her free Special Report: Top Strategies to End Emotional Eating here.

Do you ever find that you eat more than you planned? Do you eat until you feel stuffed? Do you try diet after diet only to ultimately gain weight back? This might begin to make you think that there is something wrong with you and that you are doomed to struggle with food and your weight forever.

I want to help you see that this is not a moral issue, and you are not lacking willpower or the ability to change the way you deal with food. What you could be missing is the key to changing your relationship with food. By handling your relationship with food, you can put food in its place as nourishment only.

The key can be recognizing how your emotions are playing a part in your overeating. The emotional component is not helped by dieting or limiting food. Actually the opposite happens: you could ultimately eat even more by trying to limit food when you are eating for emotional reasons.

Doesn’t everyone eat for emotional reasons? Yes, at some point everyone does. The question is – does it bother you? Eating to manage emotions is a challenge for many people because it can lead to weight issues that cause many other problems. Food can become a way to nurture yourself, when its actual purpose is to nourish your body. If we look to food to satisfy our feelings this may result in an endless cycle of diet/restrict-binge-guilt.

To help you determine if emotional eating is problem for you, ask yourself these questions. Do you:

1. Eat large amounts when you are not hungry?
2. Eat so much you feel uncomfortably full?
3. Eat in isolation to avoid feeling embarrassed?
4. Eat and feel guilty, upset, or depressed afterward?
5. Eat more rapidly than others?
6. Eat to make you feel better?

Does the way that you eat cause you problems? Emotional eating can keep you stuck because it has a component that actually makes you feel good. However, the positive feelings (relief, calm) are only temporary (one minute to many hours) and there is a turning point where it becomes negative and you might find yourself feeling angry and guilty that you overate (again).

The conclusion is emotional eating does not work. It does not satisfy your emotions, and can actually hurt you. The way to begin to deal with your emotions rather than overeating is to:

• Notice when you are eating for emotional reasons: for reasons other than hunger.
• Acknowledge it to yourself. You cannot change anything until you recognize it and acknowledge it.
• Give yourself praise that you are now “getting it” and willing to do something different.

As you begin to notice and acknowledge emotional eating you can then start figuring out what to do next. Some ideas are:

• Begin to identify the emotions that are leading you to eat: sad, mad, anxious, bored, or lonely.
• After you notice the emotions then you can address them. You can develop a “toolbox” which you can draw upon. I have many items in my toolbox to help me take care of my emotions such as; journaling, taking a walk, talking to a friend, meditating, or working out.
• Develop more mindfulness in relationship to your emotions by doing a physical check in. Try taking a deep breath and feel the connection to your body, then ask yourself how you are feeling, and what you really need. I find this mindfulness keeps me in touch with my feelings and a positive way to address them.

Be careful not to go down the path of self-loathing for overeating “for so long.” I promise you this negative thought process will only foster a return to overeating for being mad at yourself for it. Now is the time for self-compassion. Realize that you have done the best you can, and now is the time to change. Seek out help through books, professionals, coaches, 12 step groups, and friends; anything to begin changing this pattern. I’m confident that you can make it happen!

Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Counselor and Motivational Coach who specializes in working with people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. She is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. She is the author of the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discover Your Inspiration.

Kim McLaughlin has been identified as writing one of the Top 50 Blogs about Emotional Eating by the Institute on Emotional Eating. Sign up for her free Special Report: Top Strategies to End Emotional Eating here.

I get asked this all the time, “How do I know if I am an emotional eater?” It is a question that is personal and individual. It can be hard to know. I think of emotional eating as a puzzle with many pieces. Here are some of the clues for you to see what emotional eating is:

Eating when you are not hungry.

Using food to comfort yourself.

Using food to help with situations that feel uncomfortable.

Eating to overfull.

Feeling bad about what you eat and your overeating.

Calling food good and bad.

Feeling bad about your body and your weight.

Any of these signs by themselves are not necessarily indicative of emotional eating. You might be someone who engages in emotional eating, at times, and it does not cause you a problem. It is socially acceptable to overeat at holidays and family celebrations that happen sporadically. There are people whose overeating is the exception rather than the rule. They may find one or two of the above questions are a yes, but not many more than that.

Knowing if you are an emotional eater or not is helpful, because then you can begin to get a direction to end the emotional eating. It can be important to know if you are an emotional eater, because many emotional eater are prone to join on the diet bandwagon. I have seen this happen over and over again. Dieting is the socially acceptable way to manage food and weight issues. Right? Problem is if you are eating for emotional reasons, a diet does not help you.

If you find the answers to many of the above questions are a yes, you might be an emotional eating. If so, you do not need to worry. Now you have a name to the problem and that can lead you to a solution. Many of us have the same problem and there is a solution. Knowing there is a problem and naming it is the first step to the freedom that I know you are looking for.

Kim McLaughlin, MA is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in helping people with eating issues and eating disorders. If you are concerned that about overeating, weight or your use of food in general please contact her here. Sign up for her FREE Top Tips to End Emotional Eatinghere. Check out her website at www.FeedYourSoulTherapy.com.

Binge eating disorder has been officially recognized now in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual V- (DSMV). The DSM is a manual used by clinicians to classify mental health disorders. Binge Eating Disorder has been renamed as an actual disorder, rather than the generic catch all term Eating Disorder NOS (not otherwise specified) from the DSM IV. According to the DSM-V, binge eating disorder is characterized by these behavioral and emotional signs:

Recurrent episodes of binge eating occurring at least once a week for three months

Eating a larger amount of food than normal during a short time frame (any two-hour period)

Lack of control over eating during the binge episode (feeling you can’t stop eating or control what or how much you are eating)

Binge eating episodes are associated with three or more of the following:

Eating until feeling uncomfortably full

Eating large amounts of food when not physically hungry

Eating much more rapidly than normal

Eating alone out of embarrassment over quantity eaten

Feeling disgusted, depressed, ashamed, or guilty after overeating

In addition:

Marked distress regarding binge eating is also present

Binge eating is not associated with frequent inappropriate compensatory behavior, such as purging, excessive exercise, etc.

Binge eating does not occur exclusively during the course of bulimia nervosa or anorexia nervosa

This change in DSM classification is significant since it brings to light the problem we have with acknowledging binge eating as a disorder that needs treatment. This is not about someone who over eats occasionally. This is part of a psychological process that can have a severe impact on someone’s life in ways other than the issue of weight, particularly one’s self-worth and self-esteem as well as the accompanying shame and guilt.

What should you do if you think you meet the criteria for a Binge Eating Disorder?

First, know that there is a solution. Seek services from a reputable clinician who is trained in Eating Disorder Treatment. Choose someone you trust and feel can help you. Make sure you feel comfortable with them. If the person is not a good fit for you, try someone else. Ask them for a consultation and ask them how they can help you. Beware of a one size fits all package; your needs might be different from another’s.

The DSM’s recognition that Binge Eating Disorder is a distinct mental health issue is a step in the right direction. This classification makes this illness more recognizable and I hope it will decrease some of the negative associations with binge eating. This new classification will give the community the option to get more information and services to help stop it.

Kim McLaughlin, MA is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in helping people with eating issues and eating disorders. She provides counseling in the Roseville and greater Sacramento CA area. If you are concerned that about overeating, weight or your use of food in general please contact herhere.