ALL: What all respectable cribbage matches are played for.
Lesser matches can be played for “most” or “some”. What do we mean by all?
AAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

(See “going for all”)

ANTI-CRIBBAGE: A variety of cribbage in which the goal of
the game is to LOSE.The first person
to reach 121 loses the game, making a “19 point hand” the most desirable
instead of 29.Although games are
longer, they can be quite fun.Alternate variants are possible, such as making the crib subtract
points, etc.

(See “19 point hand”)

BENEVOLENT BENEFACTOR: Somebody who fictitiously donates
vast quantities of cash to the cribbage cause.Rumored to have been the purchaser of the “Cribbage Copter”.Usage: “Laurance ‘Benevolent Benefactor’ Yap
flew us to Halifax for the cribbage jamboree. Chiarff!”

CAR CRIBBAGE:A game
of cribbage played in an automobile, between the driver and passenger.Can only be safely played when the car is
stuck in a traffic jam, usually caused by a blizzard.The way to tell if the car is going slow enough to play is to
lose a peg, then leave the car, turn on the internal lights, and search for the
peg.If you are then able to easily get
back into the car, car cribbage can be played. (This test is best done at a
GREEN light).Must be preceded by the
call “CAR CRIBBAGE” before playing.

CAUGHT IN THE TURF: When a player is about to go “galloping
off into the sunset” but suddenly experiences a sudden, unexplainable dearth of
points, allowing the other player to “storm into contention” or “squamp” into
the lead.

(See “galloping off into the sunset”, “storming into
contention”, “squamping”)

CHIARFF:Cribbage slang
for no, or not.Often used after an
erroneous cribbage related phrase is uttered.Usage: “Sixteen for two… Chiarff!!”.

CLASSIC DOUBLE RUN: A hand containing two runs of three
cards, (e.g. 8-8-9-10) which scores for eight points.

(See “classic runs”)

CLASSIC DOUBLE RUN OF FOUR: A hand containing two runs of
four cards (e.g. A-2-3-4-4) which scores for ten points.

(See “classic runs”)

CLASSIC DOUBLE SKIP RUN: A hand containing two “skip runs”
of three cards (e.g. 6-6-8-10), which scores for two points. Usage: “classic
double skip run for d’oh.”

(See “d'oh” and “classic skip runs”)

CLASSIC QUADRUPLE RUN: A hand containing four runs of three
cards, (e.g. 8-8-9-9-10) which scores for sixteen points.

CLASSIC RUNS: A set of useful terms invented by Daniel
“Squid Surprise” Goldlist in order to make hands easier and quicker to
count.The scores do NOT count the
fifteens which are often part of these runs. For example, 7-7-8-9 is twelve
points, but the “classic double run” scores for only eight.

CLASSIC SKIP RUNS: An abomination foisted upon cribbage
élite by various crib-lebes.They do
not really exist and only score points for the pairs that are incorporated
within them.Usually counted by the
player in frustration when they felt they deserved a good hand, they are also
referred to as “presque poits”.

CLASSIC TRIPLE RUN: A hand containing three runs of three
cards (ex. 8-8-8-9-10) which scores for fifteen points.

(See “classic runs”)

CLASSIC TRIPLE SKIP RUN: A hand containing three “skip runs”
of three cards (ex. 6-6-6-8-10) which scores for six points.

(See “classic skip runs”)

CORNER: When one is the first to peg 31, 61, or 91 one
receives a “corner”.After a match,
they are counted simply as a statistic with the results (ex. Dan beats Laurance
7 games to 3, and 23 corners to 7).

COUP:An incredible
stroke of skill or luck, which has tremendously increased one’s fortunes.Does not necessarily have to relate to
cribbage. Usage: “What a coup!!”

CRIBBAGE: The game of champions!! If you need more, you
shouldn’t be reading this, but you should contact Cribbage Inc.
immediately!!!!!!!

CRIBBAGE BOARD:A
board with two or three tracks containing one hundred and twenty-one holes per
track.It is used to keep score in a
cribbage game.Although their is no set
shape, most boards are rectangular, with the tracks making two 180 degree
curves.A cribbage game does not
actually need a board to be played (points can be scored on paper) but it is
far easier to visualize the score, and thus plan strategy better with the board
present.

(See “round the bend”)

CRIBBAGE COPTER: The famous helicopter that takes select
cribbage élite to the sacred jamboree in Halifax.The copter’s location is guarded by a select few but is rumored
to appear on the roof of Earl Haig every year in order to transport Cribbage
Inc.According to legend, the Cribbage
Copter was purchased by the “Benevolent Benefactor” but the true facts are
steeped in mystery.

CRIBBAGE INC.: The most influential and powerful cribbage
club in the western hemisphere.Founded
in 1992 by Robance Goldner at Earl Haig Secondary School, North York, Ontario,
Canada.Cribbage Inc. has spread to the
university level and beyond.It is open
to all who profess a desire to play cribbage (global aspirations are a help…)
and has been a major force in popularizing cribbage throughout the world.For the past six years (1992-97), Cribbage
Inc. have been the Cribbage Jamboree champions.

(See “jamboree”, “Robance Goldner”, “Earl Haig”)

CRIBBAGE INC. NUMBER SYSTEM: In order to count hands more
efficiently (and to add fun to the game) numbers have certain subtle
pronunciations that normal people often find strange, amusing, or just plain
nuts.The most used number is “d’oh”
(two) but there is also “thir” (three), “fir” (four), “fiv” (five), “sayvohn”
(seven), “nin” (nine, also “narf”), and “twarf” (twelve).

(See “d’oh”, “dorf”, “narf”)

CRIB-BRIDGE:A game
invented by Daniel “Squid Surprise” Goldlist at the behest of Soroosh “Eigen
Man” Yazdani.The game incorporates the
rules of bridge and cribbage, but was a disappointing failure.

CRIB-LEBE: An expression created by Robert A. “Nibsmonger”
Laird to describe a book-learned cribbage amateur without any practical
experience (Or someone who does not share the same interpretation of cribbage
that he does!!). Usually used when one is extremely inebriated.

DEEP THOUGHTS:A
list of quotations from the great visionary Herman the Cactus.This work can usually be found at the end of
his other work “Thorns and Sand” (ex. “Never smile at an octopus, or any other
large sea mollusk.”).

(See “Herman the Cactus”, “Thorns and Sand”)

DILEMMA:When one is
uncertain what cards to discard/play, one is in a “dilemma”.Although they happen to everyone, if a
player is not decisive, he/she will be ridiculed as a “phlegmwad”.

(See “phlegmwad”)

D'OH: Two, or a two point hand. Usage: “fifteen for d'oh.” A
four point hand would be “d’oh, fir!!”.

Can also be an exclamation, much like “narf”.

(See “Cribbage Inc. number system”, “narf”)

DORF:An exclamation
made by cribbage players belonging to Cribbage Inc.Believed to be a cross between “narf” and “d’oh” it was first
heard by Robert A. “Nibsmonger” Laird being said by Daniel “Squid Surprise”
Goldlist (ex. “Narf!! Zort!! Dorf!! DORF?!?Ahhhh, DORF!!).

(See “Cribbage Inc.”, “d’oh”, “narf”)

DORFMEISTER: An electronics store in Vienna, Austria. Also
the nickname of Heather “Dorfmeister” Chan. Its literal meaning is“Mistress of Dorf”, whatever that is.

(See “dorf”)

DRAGON FLUSH: A “flush” but the cards, instead of being the
same suit, are the same colour.Scores
for zero points but is often used in order to cheat when one’s opponent isn’t
paying close attention.Also qualifies
as “presque poits” or “presque flush”.

(See “presque”, “poit”, “flush”, “full house flush”)

DUTCH POKE: A foolhardy method of cutting a deck of cards
invented by Robert A. “Nibsmonger” Laird, it involves poking the middle of the
deck and replacing it at the top.

EARL HAIG: The secondary school in North York, Ontario,
Canada that hosted Cribbage Inc. for four years.The “Senior Cafeteria” was the headquarters of this illustrious
club.

(See “Senior Cafeteria”, “Cribbage Inc.”)

EDGAR Y. K. LAU:The
true owner of Robert A. “Nibsmonger” Laird’s calculator.In order to distract or annoy Rob, all one
must say is “Who is Edgar Y. K. Lau?”, and he will go raving mad.A ploy chiefly used by Daniel “Squid
Surprise” Goldlist.

EMBEDDED DEEPLY IN THE PART:A phrase meant to fool someone into believing an object is caught
in their hair.Usually implies that the
speaker has thrown that object there in the first place.Can irritate or cause madness in various
cribbers.Known to be most effective
against Laurance “Benevolent Benefactor” Yap (especially in Raudsepp’s grade
ten French!!).Is usually followed by a
“frappe”.

(See “benevolent benefactor”, “frappe”, “Raudsepp”)

ES-TU DINGUE:French
for “are you crazy”.Uttered by
cribbers after someone has done a foolhardy thing (such as “going for all”).

(See “going for all”)

FLUSH: When, in one’s hand, one has either four or five
cards of the same suit, which scores for either four or five points.However, when in one’s crib, the four cards
MUST all be in the crib, the starter card can’t count as part of a four point
flush; a five point flush CAN still be counted in the crib.These rules are slightly at odds with
conventional Cribbage lore, but Cribbage Inc. has found them more conducive to
competitive cribbage.After all, when
in doubt, GO FLUSH!! (There are NO points awarded for “red flushes”, “black
flushes”, or “full house flushes”!!These are abominations and do not qualify as real flushes.)

(See “Cribbage Inc.”, “dragon flush”, “full house flush”)

FOOLHARDY PUNK: Someone who hast never beaten a double
skunk!

(See “skunk”)

FRANGLAIS:A mix
between French and English, with English being dominant.Usually English words that have been
slightly modified in order to make them sound classier.A prime example of Franglais is “poit”.

(See “poit”)

FRAPPE: French for “hit”.Usually done to Daniel “Squid Surprise” Goldlist by Laurance “Benevolent
Benefactor” Yap after Dan gets something “embedded deeply in the part” of
Laurance.

(See “Embedded deeply in the part”)

FULL HOUSE: A hand that contains a pair royal and a pair
(4-4-4-8-8) that scores for eight points.This term is used only by the basest of crib-lebes.

(See “crib-lebes”)

FULL HOUSE FLUSH: A “flush” that incorporates three cards of
one suit and two cards of another suit.A “black/red full house flush” can also be claimed if one has three red
cards and two black cards (or vice versa) in one’s hand.These are NOT real “flushes” and are even
more of an abomination then “dragon flushes”.They score for ZERO points, and any person who claims one can expect to
receive a “frappe” shortly.

(See “flush”, “dragon flush”, “frappe”)

GALLOPING OFF INTO THE SUNSET:When one is already leading the game, but pulls off a “mega hand
o’ doom” to assure victory.Usage: “Dan
gets twenty-four points and is now galloping off into the sunset, and aiming
for a skunk.”

(See “mega hand o’ doom”, “skunk”)

GOING FOR ALL: When one makes a foolhardy discard to the
crib hoping for a certain card cut in order to gain vast quantities of points,
but leaving the original hand barren.Inevitably ends in disaster, a “d’oh” point hand, or suicide.Once in a blue moon, however, such a move
will work and a great celebration is in order!!

(See “all”, “d’oh”)

HEELS (HIS HEELS):When the starter card is a jack, the dealer may claim “his heels”.Heels scores for two points.

HE WHO CUTS, PLAYS FIRST: A phrase coined by Cribbage Inc.
in order to remind lesser cribbage players (and crib-lebes) when to start
pegging/counting points.

(See “Cribbage Inc.”, “crib-lebe”)

HERMAN SNYDLEMAN: The mysterious staff sponsor of “Cribbage
Inc.”Rumored to actually be the
center-fielder in the greater president’s computer baseball game and not
actually a real staff member.

(See “Cribbage Inc.”)

HERMAN THE CACTUS:A
talking cactus who lived with the greater president of “Cribbage Inc.” for six
months.World famous author of “Thorns
and Sand”; quotations from this book, and his “Deep Thoughts” run rampant
throughout a true cribbage game.

(See “Cribbage Inc.”, “Deep Thoughts”, “Thorns and Sand”)

HO-CHUNK:A casino
in Wisconsin where the greater president of Cribbage Inc. acquired many decks
of cards.Each deck looks the same
(except some are red, some blue) but are of exceptionally low quality.Each deck, unfortunately, now has only
fifty-one cards, the “quintessential card” being missing in each and every
one!!

(See “Cribbage Inc.”, “quintessential card”)

HONOR POINT: A point not scored on the cribbage board but
held in reserve. Should the cribbage game be interrupted, such as a high school
principal asking you to his office because in a “classy school for classy
people” one is not supposed to play cards in the “senior cafeteria,” then honor
points can break a tie.

(See “squid surprise”, “lobster special”, “senior cafeteria”)

INTERNAL SECURITY:Position in Cribbage Inc. responsible for preventing any
dishonesty/criminal actions.The only
act of dishonesty ever discovered, however, was perpetrated by the holder of
this position, thus making it largely redundant.Usage: “ ‘Call internal security!!’ ‘It was internal security!’
‘D’oh!!!!’ ”.

(See “Cribbage Inc.”, “d’oh”)

ISSUE A DRUBBING:A
common cribbage phrase meaning to convincingly defeat an opponent in a game (or
match) of cribbage..Usually said before
the match as a threat, thus making it even sweeter if it occurs.If the defeat is especially brutal, the
phrase can be altered to “issue a severe drubbing”.

JAMBOREE: An annual cribbage tournament held in Halifax,
Canada.Cribbage Inc. has been the
reigning Jamboree champion since 1992, winning six straight championships, an
unprecedented accomplishment.The
tournament takes place during the winter vacation and is usually sold out weeks
in advance.The only way to get to this
illustrious tournament is to take the “Cribbage Copter”.

(See “Cribbage Inc.”, “Cribbage Copter”)

KERSQUOIT:(pronounced “Care Skwa”) A sound made by cribbage players in order to
increase cribbage performance, much like Monica Seles’ tennis grunts.

LOBSTER SPECIAL: When a king has been cut, and one has the
six of the opposite suit of the same colour in one’s hand or crib, one can
claim “lobster special” which scores for two honour points (ex. King of
diamonds cut, one has the six of hearts in hand).

(See “honour point”)

LURCH:Another term
for “skunk”.Only uttered by the basest
of “Crib-Lebes”, as it is far inferior to “skunk” (Double-Lurch sounds
stupid!!).

(See “crib-lebe”, “skunk”)

MAJOR MUGGINS:When
one muggins one’s opponent for more than three or four points, one can claim
“major muggins”.Can also be claimed on
less points, if the points are crucial (taking out of “skunking range”, or
giving/taking away a victory).Rumored
to actually have been drawn by Robert A. “Nibsmonger” Laird and Laurance
“Benevolent Benefactor” Yap.

(See “muggins”, “skunking range”)

MEGA HAND O’ DOOM:A
cribbage hand that is worth a lot of points.The amount may vary, depending on circumstances, but they are usually
fifteen points or more.If the hand is
followed by some sort of diabolical laughter (such as Moo-ha-ha!!!), then it is
probably a mega hand o’doom.

(See “Moo-Ha-Ha!!)

MONSTER GAME: A game which requires far more than the normal
number of points to win (Ex. 1221). May take several weeks to complete.

MUGGINS: When your cribbage opponent miscounts his or her
cards, you can claim the difference in points (ex. Opponent has 7-7-8-9-10,
counts twelve points.You muggins for
two, since the hand has fourteen points).In a particularlypsychotic game
of cribbage “muggins” for improper pronunciation (calling “d’oh”, “two”) can be
claimed as well.

(See “major muggins”, “d’oh”, “psycho cribbage”)

NARF:Cribbage slang
for the number nine.It is also a
popular exclamation of derision uttered by the average cribbage player.

(See “Cribbage Inc. number system”)

NIBS:Word used by Robert
A. “Nibsmonger” Laird to declare “his nobs.” Currently under much ridicule
because “nibs” is not mentioned in any cribbage texts.

(See “nibsmonger”, “nobs”, “nibs/nobs debate”)

NIBSMONGER: One who refuses to admit that there is no such
thing as “nibs”.A nibsmonger is really
the Cribbage Inc. version of a “Nobsmonger,” i.e. one who gets a lot of “his
nobs”.Also the nickname of the lesser
president of Cribbage Inc., Robert A. “Nibsmonger” Laird.

(See “nobs”, “nibs”, “nibs/nobs debate”, “Cribbage Inc.”)

NIBS/NOBS DEBATE:Throughout Cribbage history, the term “nibs” and “nobs” (or “his nibs”
and “his nobs”) have been interchangeable.However, with the rise of Cribbage Inc., and its lesser president Robert
A. “Nibsmonger” Laird, many serious cribbers among us have begun to research
which one is the correct one.Although
most have reasoned that “nobs” is the correct term, many (most notably the
“Nibsmonger” himself!), refuse to yield “nibs”.Many a cribber has argued in vain to come up with a solution, and
the debate rages on to this day, and probably will until the end of time.

(See “nibs”, “nibsmonger”, “nobs”, “Cribbage Inc.”)

NINETEEN POINT HAND:A common term for a zero point hand.Since nineteen is the least amount of points that cannot be scored in
one’s hand, it has become a derisive term for zero.

(See “Anti-Crib”)

NOBS (HIS NOBS): When one has the jack of the same suit of
the starter card in one’s hand or crib one can claim “his nobs”, which scores
for one point.There are dissidents out
in the cribbage world, (namely Robert A. “Nibsmonger” Laird) who refuse to
admit that “nobs” exists and that the correct word is “nibs”.This is an argument that has existed since
the beginning of time, and will probably continue until after our world has
turned to dust.

(See “nibs”, “nibsmonger”, “nibs/nobs debate”)

OUAIS: Franglais for “yes” or “yeah”.Also used as an exclamation much like “Narf”
and “Dorf”.

(See “Franglais”, “Narf”, “Dorf”)

PEG LIKE THE WIND: To peg for a lot of points.Phrased used either after the feat has been
accomplished, or if the feat is necessary for victory (or to escape a skunk).

(See “skunk”)

PHLEGMWAD: Somebody who plays cribbage slower than can
possibly be imagined. Usage: “Jon ‘Phlegmwad’ Zener must be the slowest cribbage
player of all time!!”

POIT: Common cribbage jargon for point, it is usually used
as a short form and in conjunction with other well known cribbage phrases.“Poit” is to point as Quebecois is to real French.

(See “presque”, “d’oh”)

POTENTIAL:A hand
that could become a “mega hand o’ doom” if the right card is cut.

(See “mega hand o’ doom”)

PRESQUE: French for “almost”.Usage: “presque run”; “presque flush”; “presque poits”.Used to indicate disappointment and severe depression
at the fact that one could have had such a great hand, but instead has ended up
with “d’oh” or “fir”. “Classic skip runs” also fall into this category, along
with “dragon flushes”.

PSYCHO CRIBBAGE: This variation of cribbage allows for the
rules to be changed; for example, one might play with thirteen cards in the
hand instead of the traditional four; or one might cut two cards rather than
one.This game was abandoned early on
by Cribbage Inc. dueto health reasons,
and hands scoring in the tens of thousands of points.

(See “Cribbage Inc.”)

PUNTING INTO THE CELLAR:This occurs when one passes an opposing player, leaving him/her in last
place in the game.

(See “squamping”, “storming into contention”)

PURIST: One who plays cribbage by the rules (other than
Cribbage Inc.'s erroneous house rule regarding the flush).

(See “Cribbage Inc.”, “flush”, “purist cribbage”)

PURIST CRIBBAGE:Cribbage played by it's normal rules.

(See “Purist”)

QUINTESSENTIAL CARD: The eight of diamonds.Due to the continual disappearance/wanton
destruction of this card in every one of the greater president’s decks, the
eight of diamonds enjoys great spiritual significance with Cribbage Inc.

(See “Cribbage Inc.”, “Ho-Chunk”)

RAUDSEPP:A French
teacher at Earl Haig whose teaching habits are slightly unorthodox.His frequent songs, and various zany ways
infected many of his students with what is now called “Raudseppitis”.This condition is praised/blamed by many to
be the condition which facilitated the forming of Cribbage Inc.

(See “Cribbage Inc.”, “Earl Haig”)

RAWCLIFFE:A
Geography teacher whose weird and crazy ways made him the ideal choice to be
Cribbage Inc.’s official staff sponsor.However, he never actually signed any cribbage announcements as this was
the job of Herman Snydleman.

(See “Cribbage Inc.”, “Herman Snydleman”)

REVERSE NIBS: When one has the jack of a different suit than
the starter in one’s hand, one may claim “reverse nibs”.Scores for negative one, “his nobs”
reversed.Does not have to be
called.In fact, it is foolish to do
so, and is usually meant as a joke.

(See “nibs”, “nobs”)

ROBANCE GOLDNER:The
founder of the illustrious “Cribbage Inc.”, it is his name that graces every
cribbage announcement made at Earl Haig.Although quite popular, Robance has never actually been seen and is
rumored to be an amalgamation of ROBert
A. “Nibsmonger” Laird, LaurANCE “Benevolent
Benefactor” Yap, Daniel “Squid Surprise” GOLDlist,
and Jon “Phlegmwad” ZeNER.

(See “Cribbage Inc.”, “Earl Haig”)

ROUND THE BEND: On a classic cribbage board, the track
curves in two places.If a player
passes a curve, while his/her opponent has yet to reach it, he/she has rounded
the bend.This is the psychological
equivalent of a corner, but does not correspond to an exact point total.

(See “cribbage board”, “corner”)

SENIOR CAFETERIA:The place where Cribbage Inc. met, played cribbage, and hatched plots to
take over the world for four years.Also known as the SCAF, SNRC, etc.

(See “Cribbage Inc.”)

S’GO: Short form for “let's go,” used in cribbage matches to
encourage swift play from “phlegmwads” (usage: “Jon, s’go; we don’t have all
day!”).Also used to instigate cribbage
games (usage: “s’go play

cribbage”).S’go can
be more generally used to encourage action from lethargic or indecisive people.

(See “phlegmwad”)

SHOCKER:A sarcastic
term uttered when a cribbage game is proceeding exactly as planned (usage:
“Dan’s beating Laurance by twenty… shocker!!”).

SHUP: Slang for “Shut up”.Used as a more polite form for it, when cribbers grow tired of someone
else’s prattling.If ignored though,
“shup” will often be followed by a “frappe”.

(See “frappe”)

SKUNK:When one has
reached the last peg (121), and one’s opponent has yet to get to peg
ninety-one, the opponent has been skunked.The winner receives credit for two victories instead of one.If the opponent fails to reach sixty-one, it
is a “double-skunk” and is worth four victories.This has happened only twice in “Cribbage Inc.” history, when
Daniel “Squid Surprise” Goldlist double-skunked Tommy “Soy” Wong and when he
defeated Laurance “Benevolent Benefactor” Yap.After his defeat, Tommy disappeared, never to be seen by mortal men
again.Laurance, however, is still at
large, and should be considered dangerous!

(See “Cribbage Inc.”, “skunking range”)

SKUNKING RANGE:Since a “skunk” occurs when one wins by more then thirty points, one is
in “skunking range” whenever one is either down by thirty or more points, or
when one is in danger of falling that much or more behind one’s opponent.

(See “skunk”)

SPEED CRIBBAGE:A
game of cribbage that is played in a VERY short amount of time, usually because
one or more players have a class to go to (which they are already late
for!!).A game of speed cribbage will
usually have very little shuffling, and any “phlegmwads” will receive many a
“frappe”.Every game of speed cribbage
will always be preceded with the call “SPEED CRIBBAGE!!!!”.

(See “phlegmwad”, “frappe”)

SQUAMPING: An incredible come-from-behind move, executed
when a cribber is down twenty or more points, that brings the player into the
lead.

(See “storming into contention”, “punting into the cellar”)

SQUID SURPRISE: When a six has been cut, and one has the
king of the opposite suit of the same colour in one’s hand or crib, one can
claim “squid surprise” which scores for five honour points (e.g. six of
diamonds cut, one has the king of hearts in hand). Also the nickname of the greater president of Cribbage Inc.,
Daniel “Squid Surprise” Goldlist.

(See “honour point”, “Cribbage Inc.”)

STORMING INTO CONTENTION: An incredible come-from-behind
move, executed when a cribber is down twenty or more points, that brings the
player within a few points of the lead.

(See “squamping”, “punting into the cellar”)

TEAM CRIBBAGE: A game of cribbage played with four or six
players, in which two or three players’ points are counted as one team (e.g.
Two on two, three on three, two on two on two).More players can be tried, but chaos inevitably occurs.The game is always preceded with the cry
TEAM CRIBBAGE!!!!!!

TIGER DECK:The
original deck used in the first cribbage games of Cribbage Inc.A deck worth less then a quarter, it served
for an unprecedented length of time until being cruelly mutilated by certain
members of Cribbage Inc.

THORNS AND SAND:Autobiography of Herman the Cactus, as dictated to the greater president
of “Cribbage Inc.” This book contains much wisdom as well as key insights on
the life of perhaps the greatest visionary of our time.Herman’s “Deep Thoughts” are listed as a
bonus at the end of this work.

TWARF:Cribbage
slang for the number twelve.It is also
a nickname for Dan “Lord of the Board” Tweyman.

(See “Cribbage Inc. number system”)

TWENTY-SEVEN!!!: Used in conjunction with “uh-ah-ah,” when
one pegs for twenty-seven. Has no practical purpose, but is steeped in cribbage
tradition.Happens to be the most
points (under twenty-nine) that one cannot receive in one’s hand.

VAST QUANTITY OF CASH ME!!: A phrase uttered in order to
distract a cribbage opponent.A vast
quantity of cash will rarely actually change hands, although Jon “Phlegmwad”
Zener and Robert A. “Nibsmonger” Laird are the most susceptible to this phrase.

WAA-HAA!! - The proper yell when leaving a building,
especially after winning a cribbage game.Also, when using this cry, it is customary to throw one hand into the
air with gusto and panache.