If you heard a disturbingly loud moan coming from the Western part of the nation this afternoon, it was probably me after sampling this week’s drink. Yes, perhaps I become too intimately involved with my cocktails, but…

Oh. Dear. Lord. This is a good one.

And, boy, do I ever need it. It’s been one of Those Weeks. You know about Those Weeks. This week was marked with a fussy, feverish baby whose immune system was fighting off the effects of the MMR vaccine — yeah, the poor thing could probably use a cocktail, too, but Cheerios will have to suffice — and who has entered the ol’ “separation anxiety” phase, refusing to leave my side for even one second. If I so much as think about going to the bathroom by myself, she SCREEEAAAMS.

*SIGH* What is it with chicks always wanting to go to the bathroom with other chicks? This is why I de-sisterized from my college sorority.

And here is why I joined a sorority in the first place: access to good alcohol.

STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE MARTINI

INGREDIENTS

1.25 oz. Stoli Strasberi (which I could not find, so I used Strawberry Smirnoff instead)

1.25 oz. Chambord

1.25 oz. Baileys

A dash of cream (for which I substituted Skye’s whole milk… hey, it’s not like she needs the calcium, right?)

Strawberries

Graham Crackers

INSTRUCTIONS

Shake all (liquid) ingredients with ice. Strain into a martini glass. Instead of graham crackers, I bought a graham cracker crust and used a peeler along the edges, which yielded the same result as crushing it — then rimmed the glass with the crust. I may or may not have also stuck my finger in that crushed crust and licked it off like a five-year-old. Garnish the glass with a strawberry and…

Which “special” star of a Disney Junior show is famous for his tips about healthy eating and exercise, yet has been known to inhale two Double Whoppers as a SNACK in between takes? Sources say he gets winded just walking from his trailer to the set, and wears just a vest because it’s the only thing that fits him.

Now that we have little ones, Mr. Candy and I don’t exactly party on St. Patty’s Day like we used to (meaning: we see something about it on the evening news and say “Is it March already?” and pass out ten minutes later). Sort of like this:

However, that doesn’t mean we can’t find fun ways to celebrate it with the family!

A few tips from us to you:

1. Instead of laughing over copious glasses of Guinness (mmmmm…Guinness), laugh at how mortified your child looks when you outfit him in ridiculous-looking St. Patrick’s Day accessories.

PLEASE NOTE: If he looks this happy with himself, you are doing something wrong.

It’s no secret that new babies aren’t exactly the best thing for our sex lives. In fact, sex is often the furthest thing from an exhausted mom’s mind. So I couldn’t help imagining a new father’s take on one of Frozen‘s most popular songs. I present to you… DO YOU WANNA GET IT ON? as sung to the music of “Do You Wanna Build a Snowman?”

WestJet Airlines pilot Carey Steacy, mother of two and pilot for 17 years, received an insanely sexist note from a passenger – “David” in seat 12E — telling her that ‘the cockpit of an airliner is no place for a woman.” Oh yes, he did. Check it out for yourself (along with my suggested response):

“FAIR LADY!”

P.S. Without fair ladies-turned-Women Airforce Service Pilots, aircraft would not have gotten to airfields from the factories in WWII. Good day, sir.