Re-mascoting the SEC: Auburn

disclaimer: I am gonna try really hard not to be ridiculously over the top and show my hatred for the Barners.

Today’s version of Re-Mascoting the SEC we bring up the Auburn Tigers. Some former athletic stars include Charles Barkley and Bo Jackson. ( Toomers Coroner) They use the battle cry of War Eagle. The are said to have come from the Plains of Auburn. (Toomers Mourners) In 2004 The team went undefeated and was left unable to compete for a National Championship. In 2011 The Auburn Tigers won the BCS National Championship game and now everyone is waiting on the NCAA to take it away. (Au-Barn) This leads us to re-mascot the Auburn Tigers as:

The Auburn Clusterf@(%$.

There is no visual representation of this mascot for obvious reasons. This year was supposed to be one of the most magical years for Auburn in recent memory. (Whore Eagle) Then MS State had to go out and spread the word that the only reason Cam the $cam Newton ended up at Auburn is because his dad’s church received a not so anonymous donation of $180,000 (hallelujah, amen). But have no fear Auburn cause Cam-i-cams had no idea what was going on and Cecil only asked MSU for the money and no one else. Give me a break. (Gene ChinDick)

Even their most notable former athletes have a few issues. Have you seen Barkley swing a golf club? (It’s Tur-uble) I mean we still don’t know what all Bo Knows about how many players he supports on the side.

Gene keeps ticking off the NCAA. At the Coaches meeting s in Destin the VP over NCAA compliance was giving a speech and he started chiming in asking when this thing is gonna be over cause it was hurting his recruiting. Well boo-hoo. She responded by saying that he would know when it was over and they aint finished yet.

So with all this confusion and ranting I am naming The Barners as The Clusterf@(%$.