Crazy Government Subsidies

Number 5

Discover your inner turkey hunter

United States

The National Wild Turkey Federation, dedicated to promoting turkey hunting through conservation and education, is a nonprofit organization with 545,000 members in the U.S., Canada, Mexico, and 14 other foreign countries. The group has managed to double the number of turkey hunters in the U.S. (approximately three million) in the last few decades, and the American government is helping ensure that those ranks continue to swell. In 2006, the South Carolina-based association garnered $234,000 in federal funding for a public education program aimed at further increasing turkey hunting numbers and turkey hunting-related activities worldwide.

Number 4

Enhancing your “spell”-ing skills

Netherlands

Tax authorities in the Netherlands agreed to provide an education subsidy to a Dutch woman who was studying and training to be a witch. The woman’s attendance at the 13-weekend witchery program, which cost $3,003, was ruled a legitimate tax-deductible schooling expense by government officials. Students in the program reportedly learned to cast spells, prepare herbs and potions, and to use crystal balls while generally using magic as “a force for good.” The outlay was no small thing — the cost of the witchery course is higher than that of earning a master’s degree at a Dutch university.

Number 3

Shielding the rich from terror

United States

In 2006, the U.S. government provided the Intercity Bus Security Grant Program with $10 million in order to improve driver protection, passenger screening and overall safety for passenger-transport companies in the event of national security threats. The bill included an outlay of $46,908 to Hampton Jitney Inc., a company that has built its reputation shuttling wealthy New Yorkers to their summer homes in the Hamptons. Perhaps buoyed by the prospect of federal largesse, the company almost simultaneously added a special shuttle service that promised its well-heeled clientele “a custom-tailored limousine ride for an unforgettable day.”

Number 2

Breast milk for all

Canada

The Canadian government has a proud history of providing generous funding to the local arts, and in 2006, that was generosity extended to a Toronto performance artist. The artist, a lesbian single mother, was given $9,000 to create the Lactation Station Breast Milk Bar. The station was set up to give adults the chance to enjoy the taste of human breast milk, in a setting not unlike a wine tasting. The Canadian Conservative government, which spent years in opposition making light of various art grants handed out by past Liberal governments, gingerly deferred all mocking questions to the Canadian Council for Arts.

Number 1

Turning tricks to scrubs

Germany

The German government came up with a novel idea to solve the problem of mounting vacancies for nursing positions in the national health care system; fill the void by retraining longtime prostitutes and sex trade workers as nurses. German nursing and labor officials reasoned that those who had worked in the sex industry already possessed many of the skills necessary to excel in health care, including good people skills, strong stomachs for unpleasant sights and smells and little fear of contact. This retraining scheme is being financed with more than $1.3 million.

salient subsidies

As long as governments choose to spend money on discretionary art grants and local projects — or as long as democracies exist — these sorts of silly-sounding subsidies will continue to crop up. Fortunately, they rarely entail particularly large sums of money and are almost worth the cost due to the entertainment their exposure provides.