Raising a Gifted Child

By Inderbir Kaur Sandhu, Ph.D

Q:
We have 2 children, a son 4yrs old and a daughter 18 months
old. This is regarding our son, who from early on probably
has shown exceptional qualities in terms of:

1. Memory (though he couldn't talk well at that time, would
point to all his body parts, about 15-20 of them from head
to toe when he was about 9-10 months old). He remembers
things that he just sees once and recalls it after few
years, e.g., he remembers what he did and went when he was 2
- 2 1/2 years old even now.

2. Reading or showed interest in books ( in 3-4 months old
stayed focused in baby books for a long time about 1 to 2
hours, would love to lie in bed and read to him , was very
interested to see and observe everything, I would ask him
questions like point to the dog, giraffe, elephant, and
would do it correctly by 7-8 months. One he sees objects in
books he will show them in real life.

3. Music and performing - had his first piano recital before
turning 3 yrs after 2 classes. Don't know if playing western classical
music while I was pregnant and during his early baby stages
had an influence , of course part of it could be hereditary
since we have few talented musicians in both sides of his
family.

4. Understanding, inquisitiveness, detail oriented, sharp
observation. He did 24 and 35 piece jigsaw puzzles in about
6-8 minutes when he was 3 1/2 years old. He likes to work
with a timer, and wants to complete his task before the time
is up.

5. Vocabulary - learns new and long words fast and uses them
pretty well.

At first we thought that it could be normal for babies and
toddlers since he was our first born we didn't know what to
expect from a baby but later we started observing his peers.
Now after having a second child we see differences with our
daughter who is ahead in a different way and now we realized
that he has special talent or is a gifted child. It amazes
us how he deduces or reasons or explains.

Our son has been
mostly home schooled by me, (we both are professionals, I am
a Vet Dr and my husband a Computer Software Engineer and
come from educated families but I chose to be a stay-at-home
Mum now to take care of the kids) but has started going to
Pre-K this summer for only 3 hours for 2 days a week. We are
now thinking of having him tested so that we know how much
to guide, motivate, encourage him ( he does pretty well in
Brain Quest game for 5-6years old when he was only 3 years
10mths old), thinking of getting the 7-8 years old group
now.)

We do not know if this is a gift or hereditary pattern seen
in our son since we have very brainy people and talented
folks from both sides of family. I believe my husband was or
is gifted because he excelled very well in school and
college and has characters of gifted people but was not
identified as one while he was a child. Please let us know
your expert opinion about testing, raising a gifted/
talented child, guiding him, how much pressure can he handle?

A: From your observation, there
is reason to believe that he is definitely milestones ahead
of his peers and may be potentially gifted. Whether a test
would determine his level of IQ as being in the gifted
range, it would surely be necessary to maximize his current
potential to the fullest. However, you may want to look for
a reputable psychologist to have an IQ test done which will
determine his areas strength and perhaps less strong areas
which you can work on.

As a parent, you have indeed taken the first step to ensure
good education by staying and home and personally taking up
the responsibility of education him - parent are usually the
best educators and have the best interest of their child in
mind. Being professional helps in that it is correlated with
higher education and awareness. Home schooling is an
excellent way to raise an above average child, especially if
there are limited educational choices in your area. In fact,
by allowing him a few hours a week at preschool is an
excellent way to balance his social life. Schools are
important for children to learn social skills and interact
with other children. This is where they are able to learn to
appreciate human differences among individuals.

It is probably true that to some extent, genes may play a
part. Coming from an educated family background and as you
mention that your husband may have been gifted but
unidentified; there is a high chance that your son may be
gifted. Unlike the case for the husband, then there were
limited resources to identify giftedness. In fact, the
manner in which individuals are identified may be
questionable. However, today, things have changed a lot and
standardized IQ tests go through many revisions.

For now, a good way to raise your child is to hook up with
other parents who have potentially gifted children and share
the experiences. It is amazing how much you can find out
from parents through experience; something no book can help!
Joining a gifted association in your area is a great idea.
Gifted children need other children of similar ability to
learn at a certain pace, so getting to know other parents of
gifted children and organizing, say, weekly activity may be
a great way to help your child. On guiding him, you seem to
be doing a wonderful job, so keep it up.

Try not to pressure him at this stage, allow a lot of free
play, observe his interests and give him more stimulating
and challenging work at every stage. With puzzles, working
with a timer indicates someone who enjoys challenges - but
the other side of it indicates perfectionism which you may
want to be careful about. Allow him to make mistakes and
help him realize that it is perfectly fine.

Having said all that, all work and no play may burn out a
potentially gifted child, so let him be a kid and enjoy
childhood. He need not only indulge in educational
activities, get him involved in other activities (sports,
games, etc) as well. All kids need to enjoy their childhood;
something that is not happening much these days due to
parental and school pressure, so you may want to strike a
balance here.

All the best in raising your wonderful son and hope you
daughter would follow suit.