October 22, 2011

I read a lot of real estate sites in order to bring you Burbed-worthy features. Recently, I found an agent’s special “Astonishing Homes” page that looked absolutely scrumptious. Plenty of seven and even eight-figure high-end properties on acres of land with great schools.

Now I know absolutely nothing about this particular agent, but all these homes were on MLS. Member agents can detail any MLS listings in their region, and Sophia Delacotte put together a webpage with nicer luxury properties for people to get some real estate pr0n action. But something was amiss when I took a closer look at the actual listings.

With ten different houses, that’s ten front facades and ten sets of details. I have all that waiting for you inside, but before you join me, make your prediction how many of these ten estate properties:

Sold (pending within 7 days)

Sold (pending within 30 days)

Sold in a longer timeframe

Are still active on MLS

Had their listing withdrawn

Had a price reduction at some point

For “bunus” yucks, guess how many of these ten estate homes have marble columns.

Got your guesses ready? Good. Now, let’s see these Astonishing Homes and find out if you’re as Astonished as I was.

Ready to begin our tour? I’ve provided some additional details beyond what Delacotte had on the Astonishing page. The home write-ups are hers, my additions are underneath her home descriptions, and I’ve added the lot size after the house size in the Features. I added in links to Redfin as well as the current ZEstimate for each house. We know ZEstimates aren’t an ideal predictor of home values, but take a look at how they compare with asking and sales prices at the very high end.

I tried to locate any virtual tours or property websites for all listings. Finally, I removed the listing price she provided in the home information, because there were multiple prices for some of these properties. Some prices were reduced after Delacotte put the page together (which means she didn’t maintain it), and some were cut beforehand (which means she gave no context for the current asking price).

1. Expansive new 8 year old home: How much would you pay?

For an expansive, new home on 6.2 beautiful, tree-covered acres, is $19.95 million really too much to ask? Bask in the California sun at your outdoor pool, and entertain with style in the lavish interior.

Note: Is $19.95 million really too much to ask? It must be, because nobody bought it for $15.8 million. Some pictures survive on NeighborCity and I believe this house’s entrance is a MAWBUL KAWLUM win.

2. Dramatic Estate for Agoraphobic Drama Queens

This dramatic estate, situated on almost four acres of property, boasts an entrance salon, game room, theater, pub room, exercise room, wine cellar, indoor exercise pool, outdoor pool and guest house. With all that and more, you’ll never have to step foot outside this home.

3. Everything You Ever Dreamed of, Provided You Dreamed of Los Gatos

Everything you ever dreamed of is right here in this magnificent French Chateau Estate. Main house 9,000 sf, 6 complete suites, gold leafed fireplace, music room, library, wine cellar. Guest house is 3,500sf with guest suite, caterer’s kitchen, ballroom, theater, game room, onyx bar. Infinity pool, impressive portico, band and dance area many more special features.

4. Hundred Year Old House in Our Favorite Zip Code You Can’t Remodel!

This colonial home sits on the National Register of Historical Places, and its architectural details are original. The house still retains its butler and maid quarters, and the carriage house has been conveniently turned into a 4-car garage and guest house.

Note: The listing photos are still available on Zillow. Also, Delacotte listed this University Avenue home in 95030 (Los Gatos), and for that reason alone should not be allowed within 25 miles of the Real Bay Area. Finally, MAWR MAWBUL KAWLUMS OMG.

5. House #1 was 12,000 sf on 6 acres, but this one is a 5K/1 “massive estate”

Drive up to this massive estate on a driveway lined with roses. The gates offer a feeling of both security and grandeur, while the interior of marble fireplaces make the home feel like a luxurious getaway.

6. Worth Every Penny of the Original Asking Price (Your Pennies not Mine)

For space and seclusion together, this is the perfect home, worth every penny of the almost $10 million price tag. Built within the past decade, the house has Brazilian in-layed hardwood floors, marble fireplaces, stone balconies, and hand-carved mantles.

7. European French Experience Sure to Impress Just About Anyone in California

A European experience in California, this French estate with double spiral stairs is sure to impress just about anyone. Newly built with the finest details, you can find crystal chandeliers, wood paneling, a theater room, and a wine cellar.

Note: If you want to actually sell your ginormous house, put as many 8s into the asking price as possible. Palo Alto schools, as this place has (Nixon and Terman and Gunn, oh my!) don’t exactly hurt. The listing pictures are still available on Redfin. The virtual tour confirms there isn’t a MAWBUL KAWLUM anywhere in the entire house, although there are design elements suggestive of them.

Yes, you’re already at house #7 and this is the first one that managed to sell at all. And it took five and a half months.

8. Just About Everything You’d Expect, Including Four Price Reductions after Batshit Insane 91% Markup

A truly spectacular estate, this home has just about everything you’d expect with a mansion: tennis courts, a putting green, gardens, and private gated grounds. It sits atop four acres of land in the heart of Los Altos Hills.

Note: I have no idea why a place that couldn’t sell for $12M in 2008 would sell for $22M a year later during the biggest fracking credit crunch in our lifetime. Maybe the house was dramatically remodeled and expanded it and we can’t tell because the MLS copy has been removed. Maybe the new plumbing is made of those rare earths you can only find in China. Maybe $12M is even more above market in 2011 and the seller is completely delusional.

Chance of a lifetime! This is more than a house but a viable thriving, fully operational mountain winery. There are two homes on the property. The lot includes 4 legal parcels with approximately 8 acres planted with Pinot Noir grapes. There is an additional 4,750 square feet of wine caves.

Listed: 4/29/2010 for $7,900,000 …but there are listings back to 10/1/2008 on RedfinCurrent status: ActiveZEstimate: $6,713,000 …but it was $1.33M on 8/1/2009. (-15.0%)Virtual Tour: Yes, with Pachelbel’s Canon

Note: This is the Byington Winery, which is in Santa Cruz County (some of Los Gatos Mountains are in another county, tsk tsk). Photos on Redfin are a delightful mix of much-too-small and almost big enough to see. Nothing like spending millions of dollars for a property where the agent pays attention to all the little details. Also, due to non-RBA location, instead of MAWBUL KAWLUMS you get rectangular stone pillars.

10. Desert style Estate with Deserted Listing and Website

Desert style estate with views of city lights and local parks. A new construction with walnut and mahogany cabinetry, granite and lime stone flooring and an amazing infinity pool.

Sold: 1/20/2010 for $67,500 (assuming that was before this new place was built)Listed: 5/6/2010 – 5/5/2011 for $7,870,000Relisted: 5/27/2011 to 10/1/2011 for $7,870,000Current status: Off-marketZEstimate: $6,676,300 (-15.2%)Home Website: Once there was, but it expired

So, How Did You Do?

Of the ten Astonishing Homes, two are active listings, one sold in five months, and the other seven were taken off the market, in some cases after being listed for more than three years. Six of them had MAWBUL KAWLUMS and two had suggestions of them. The one house that sold did not have columns, just the suggestive trim.

The Astonishing Homes page was probably posted in late February or early March 2011, based on the prices included. That means of these nice-looking homes featured six months ago, only one of them found a buyer. Just ONE. Out of TEN. None of these homes are plagued with location fails such as airports, busy streets, or toxic waste dumps. All except the winery are in definite you-have-arrived zip codes.

Nine of these houses didn’t sell. Either all but one of those sellers were too deluded to price them correctly for the market, or they weren’t willing to do so.

, but they’re decent. So they’re selling the property but not the label or business? Seems like it would take quite a bit to run a winery.

At any rate, I don’t see the point of this website overall – how does it help her business to list this? People who enjoy Real Estate pr0n can look up that stuff for themselves, and people who don’t won’t find it useful. And it amazes me how many Realtards don’t seem to be able to update their websites with any frequency – this is why ultimately Redfin will change the way RE works, at least in the RBA.

Oh, I knew we were out of the RBA, where it’s simply impossible to over-price any property. If these were in the RBA the questions might be: How many had a price increase? How many sold for more than 25% over asking price?

I toured #4 a couple of years ago. If you go to Zillow, you can see a pic of the stained-glass window. They said it’s an original Louis Tiffany and is one of the largest in the world; supposedly worth a couple hundred grand.

The house is also quite dark. The owners must be tree-huggers because they’re failing at the “lightbulbs & Drano” maintenance by using dim CFLs all over the place. I also remember going up into the attic where the ability to hear every rain drop fall on the roof highlighted the fact it doesn’t have one bit of insulation. Oh, so I guess they aren’t treehuggers after all…

Still, a fairly impressive historic home if you’re into that sort of thing.

Huh that observation about Zestimates is interesting. Who can possibly divine the secret recipe they use, it’s all over the place most of the time. I assume you’ve done a feature on them at some point?

So few comments today, where is everyone? Today’s article clearly took a fair amount of research!

Wow, I was at Byington Winery on Sunday for a tasting/tour – no idea the place was for sale. So fun to see a listing I’ve been to. The Cave keeps nice and cool! Endless storage space if you’ve got things to hide. Like REALLY HIDE. Any wry comments, GilroyAlex? Think how many people you could support off the grid up here!

They claim they make 6,000 cases a year. Someone work out the cash flow of buying this place for the winery alone – all the facilities are there.

I thought the grapes tasted a little better straight off the vines than out of the bottle, but I’m not a good wine person.

P.S. RealEstater is a realtor. Stop trying to tell us it’s a good time to buy in Palo Alto! Anecdotes about overbidding and just as good as anecdotes about prices dropping.

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