My Car Made Me a Better Man

I've only done a couple of things in my life that I'd truly call genius. One was anchoring a backyard swing on our basement ceiling for our two young girls. They've each used it about 10 times a day, every day, for the last five years. It brings them endless joy, rain or shine. It literally changes the color of their days.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

Another: Trading in my perfectly wonderful red Audi A3—fuel-efficient, low-mileage, sporty, and a respectable enough whip for a car enthusiast—for something a bit more ... interesting. See, one evening last fall, as I watched my youngest swing blissfully in the basement for a full hour, I realized I needed to channel toward my car the same blue-sky thinking that spawned her delight with the swing. I knew what I had to do—pursue a vehicle that had haunted my consciousness for the previous five years.. A week later, I drove from Pennsylvania to New Jersey and traded the Audi for a Volkswagen Phaeton.

You've likely never heard of this car, but in certain circles, it's legend. The Phaeton is a powerful, hand-built luxury saloon—that is, a car in which the rear passengers are granted as much space and comfort as those up front. It has a big V8, all-wheel-drive, an adjustable air suspension, a sublime sound system, fragrant Italian leather, air vents that mysteriously appear and disappear of their own accord, massagers in all four seats—as well as dozens of other unique features that distinguish the car from other luxury brands. It's very much its own thing, and it has a general presence that is, to understate it, commanding.

But these qualities, as much as I admit I groove on them, are only part of what interests me about the Phaeton. It's also the car's story. The Phaeton sold only briefly in the U.S., from 2004-2006. There are fewer than 2,500 here. This is because, despite nearly universal critical praise, the car bombed. American consumers weren't willing to open up their wallets for a Volkswagen.

When VW yanked the car from the States—they still sell it in Europe—resale values plummeted. Mine, a 2005, sold originally for around $80,000. It was on sale for $18,000. That's preposterous depreciation—but it worked distinctly to my advantage. I was drawn not only because it’s a terrifically cool car—and a bargain at that—but also because it's rare. A rejected noble, built in the same factory as the Bentley Continental Flying Spur, with which it shares many components. It's over-engineered and programmed for reliability and performance—both of each are routinely praised on owner forums online.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

On my way back to Pennsylvania, as I entered a perfectly banked freeway entry ramp, I stood on the gas. The big V8 twitched, and I detected a distant, throaty growl that I hadn’t expected. The floating air-suspension hunkered down and my new battleship, with its luminescent silver paint job, surged up the ramp. It was smooth, effortless propulsion, as fine an automotive tally-ho as I'd ever experienced. When I landed on the freeway seconds later, I was somewhere squarely between Daniel Craig and Jason Statham.

And therein lies the real payoff of this machine. I've always believed that your environment directly influences the way you think—about yourself, about the world around you. In the Phaeton, everything is scaled differently—it's a bigger environment, a quieter, more crafted place than most other cars. I find it empowering. Behind the wheel, I think grander thoughts. My confidence in allthings edges up a notch. Not a bad payback for a used car.

I have no idea how this story will ultimately end. Maybe it'll end on the side of the road, with me waiting impatiently for a flatbed. Maybe it’ll end with a maintenance bill I just can’t stomach. All I know is that, for now, the color of my days has changed. This is my swing. My second stroke of genius. I suspect it will tee up my third.

Addendum: I had drinks with Volkswagen North America CEO Stefan Jacoby at the New York International Auto Show this week. He leveled with me about the Phaeton: "It was a mistake for us to pull it from the U.S. market," he confessed. "We're going to bring it back, but probably not until the next redesign in 2014 or 2015." VW's plan, he says, is to dominate every market. That will require some heavy-duty revisions of their marketing strategy and their vehicle lineup. It's ambitious, and if they intend to succeed, they need the Phaeton back. I'll be waiting.

A Part of Hearst Digital Media
Men's Health participates in various affiliate marketing programs, which means we may get paid commissions on editorially chosen products purchased through our links to retailer sites.