JONATHAN
HARKER, a cynical smart-ass with a
greasepaint mustache, steps out of the shadows and addresses the audience.

HARKER
Prepare yourself for the most horrible
monster you've
ever seen.My name is
Jonathan Harker.

From off-screen comes the sound of a terrified
SCREAM.

HARKER
I'm a lawyer.

From off-screen comes another horrified SCREAM.This is beginning to annoy Harker.

HARKER
A lawyer who sells real estate.

From off-screen comes a third horrified SCREAM.

HARKERThis is the story of my
encounter with
Count Dracula the vampire!

Harker waits for a scream, which never comes.Finally Harker decides the only way to get a scream is to do it himself.Harker SCREAMS.

INT.
LOBBY OF THE INN --NIGHT

In the lobby of the Golden Krone
Inn, Harker is
speaking to the INN KEEPER.An OLD
WOMAN (the Inn Keeper's wife) sits nearby.Harker carries
his suitcase, preparing to leave.The
Inn Keeper speaks with a heavy Eastern European accent.

HARKER
What do I owe you?

INNKEEPEROur rates are thirty kopeks a night.

HARKER
When can I check out?

INN KEEPER
Whenever you'd like!

HARKERHow about the day before yesterday?

OLD WOMAN
But you only arrived last night!

HARKERThen that's thirty kopecks you
owe me.

INN KEEPER

But. . . .

OLD WOMAN
But...

HARKERDidn't you say I could check out whenever
I liked?Are you going back on your word?There
are laws against misrepresentation!

INN KEEPER

I only meant . . .You don't want to leave
now! It's
Walpurgis Nacht!

HARKERWalpurgis what?

INN KEEPERNacht!Nacht!

HARKERNacht, nacht?Who's
there?

INN KEEPERWalpurgis Nacht.

HARKER

Walpurgis Nacht who?

INN KEEPERWalpurgis Nacht is the night when all evil
things in the
world will have full sway!

HARKER
I should have gone somewhere where
slitting my throat
was safe!

Harker touches
his throat, and notices he has quite a bit of stubble.

HARKERSpeaking of which, I think I might need
a shave. Let me take a look. Fortunately,
I always carry a little pocket mirror.

Harker reaches into a pocket and
takes out a pocket mirror. He turns away from Dracula, so that Dracula is
directly behind him, and then looks in the mirror. He notices that Dracula
does not cast a reflection in the mirror. He looks at Dracula and then
looks in the mirror again.

HARKER
Say, how is it that you don't cast a reflection
in this mirror?

DRACULA
You must have got a bad mirror. They make a
lot of cheap stuff these days. Where'd you get
it?

HARKER
Back in England.

DRACULA
There's the problem. I never been to England.
Are you upset you can't see my face?

HARKER
No, that's the first nice thing that's happened to me
all day!

DRACULA
That reminds me, you got any family or
friends back
in England who know where
you are?

HARKER
There's my fiancée, Mina Murray.

DRACULA
Fiancée?You
think she'd notice if you
didn't come back?

HARKER
Maybe not right away.But after five or six
years, I think she might notice.

DRACULA
Oh.So
she's the sensitive type?

HARKER
She's a wealthy, sophisticated, wealthy,
cultured, wealthy widow who owns the
insane asylum next to your new property.

DRACULA
You say she's wealthy?

HARKER
Don't get any ideas.She's my fiancée.

DRACULA
You should send her a letter, so she won't
worry.You write, and I'll tell you what to
say.

Dracula gives Harker a pen and some stationary.

DRACULA(dictating)
Dear
Mina, How are you?I am fine.I
like Transylvania, and think I'll stay awhile.Don't worry about me.I
haven't been killed
by Count Dracula, who isn't a vampire no
matter what anybody
says.Love, Jonathan
Harker.

The Vampire Woman begin stroking
him. One strokes his hand, another his foot, another his forehead.

2ND
VAMPIRE
WOMAN
He
said he could satisfy us all.

HARKER
I
said I had kisses for you all.I
didn't say
anything about satisfying you.

1ST
VAMPIRE
WOMAN

I
will be satisfied.

2ND
VAMPIRE
WOMAN

Not
before me.

HARKER
And
not before me!

3RD
VAMPIRE
WOMAN

I
said I will have him now.

5th
VAMPIRE
WOMAN

You
won’t leave anything for the rest of us!

One woman is pulling on Harker's
head, one on his right hand, one on his left hand, one on his right foot, and
one on his left foot. Before they can pull him limb from limb, Dracula
enters, carrying a huge sack. He is angry.

DRACULA
Hey!How many times I got to tell you not to
play with your food!

1ST
VAMPIRE
WOMAN
Feed
us!

2ND
VAMPIRE
WOMAN

You
don't love us anymore.

DRACULA
Sure
I do!Here!I brought you some take
out.

Dracula tosses them a huge
sack. From it emerges a NERDY TEENAGE BOY, wearing glasses. At first
the nerdy boy is nervous, then he looks around and sees the sexy vampire woman,
and he is delighted. The Vampire Women engulf him. When they are
done, all that is left is his glasses. The Vampire Women
depart. Harker is aghast. Dracula turns to him.

DRACULA
You've
seen a lot of strange stuff, but I've
got an explanation for everything.

HARKER
Really?

DRACULA
Yeah,
you're crazy.

HARKER
I'm
not crazy.

DRACULA
Who
said you were?

HARKER
You
did!

DRACULA
No
I didn't.That proves you're crazy!You're imagining things.

HARKER
So
I imagined you said I was crazy, which
proves I am crazy, because you never
claimed I was crazy in the first place????

DRACULA
Sure.I never heard such crazy talk!

HARKER
You're
right!I must be nuts!Maybe I
should move into that insane asylum next
door to you.

DRACULA
No,
I wouldn't like that.

HARKER
You
don't want me locked in an asylum?

DRACULA
I
don't want you for a neighbor.Which
reminds me, when do I sign the contract
for the house?

Harker reaches into his jacket and takes out a
contract and a pen, but he doesn't hand them to Dracula yet.

HARKER
Before we do that, we've got to talk about
the price.

DRACULA
I'm Count Dracula.Money means nothing to
me.

HARKER
In that case, I left off a zero.

Harker changes the contract.

DRACULA
It doesn't matter.I never pay attention to
money.

HARKER
What happens when the bills come?

DRACULA
It doesn't matter.I never pay attention to
money.

HARKER
You don't pay your bills???

Dracula shrugs his shoulders.

HARKER
You can't do that!You've never even
been to law school!Now if you hire me
as your lawyer, I can have you declared
fiscally and
morally bankrupt, and you'll
never have to pay anything again.

DRACULA
I don't think I can never pay anything again.

HARKER
Why not?

DRACULA
If I never pay anything again, doesn't that
mean sometime I had to pay something
before?

HARKER
You mean you've never paid anyone
anything?

DRACULA
I'm Count Dracula.Money means nothing
to me.

HARKER
But I can make that legal.

DRACULA(dismissive)
Sure.Fine.

HARKER

Of
course it'll cost you.And you'll
have
to pay my bill when it comes.My
bill for
declaring you bankrupt.

DRACULA(dismissive)
Sure.Fine.

HARKER
You’re
not going to pay me, are you?

DRACULA
How
should I know?Maybe I will, maybe
I won't.Money means nothing to me.

Dracula grabs the contract and the
pent from Harker, signs the contract with an "X," and keeps the
contract.

HARKER
So what are your plans for me?

DRACULA
Well.
. . . .

HARKER
You
might as well tell me the truth.It’ll
just be more evidence I'm crazy.

DRACULA

Okay.I'm leaving for England tomorrow.I
think you should stay here and look after
my wives.

HARKER
You
mean they won't kill me?

DRACULA
First
they'll kill you, then you can look after
them.Now I've got to go finish packing.I've got to bring boxes of Transylvanian earth to
sleep in.The front door is locked, so you can't
get out.Now remember, if you see anything
strange, it’s just because you’re
crazy.

Dracula morphs into a bat and flies
out a window. Harker runs out of the room, going back to the room where
his dinner was served.

INT. FIRST ROOM IN CASTLE
DRACULA -- DAWN

Harker goes to the table where his
meal was served. He removes the tablecloth.

HARKER
I
may be crazy, but I'm not stupid.

Harker begins tearing the tablecloth
into strips, to make an escape rope.

EXT. TRANSYLVANIAN
COUNTRYSIDE -- DAWN

The sun rises.

INT. FIRST ROOM IN CASTLE
DRACULA -- DAY

Harker has cut up the tablecloth and
made it into a long rope. He ties it to a column in the room, and lowers
the end out of the window. He then proceeds to climb out the window.

EXT. STORM AT SEA
-- NIGHT

A schooner, the Demeter, struggles
to say upright on a stormy sea. A legend appears on the screen,
reading: "THE DEMETER - FIRST NIGHT AT SEA."

EXT. THE DECK OF THE
DEMETER -- NIGHT

The CAPTAIN addresses his crew of
seven SAILORS.

CAPTAIN
Listen
up, you mangy sea dogs. We've
got a
hard voyage ahead of us, but you're
the roughest, toughest scum I could find.Murderers, thieves, cutthroats all of you.I know you've heard rumors about our
cargo.It's just dirt!Fifty boxes
of dirt.That's all it is.Nothing to worry about.Now let's ride out this storm.

EXT. STORM AT SEA
-- NIGHT

The storm rages on. A legend
appears on the screen that reads: "THE DEMETER - SECOND NIGHT AT
SEA."

EXT. THE DECK OF THE
DEMETER -- NIGHT

The Captain addresses his crew of
six sailors. One has disappeared.

CAPTAIN
It
seems one of you dogs decided he'd
rather swim to England.So what!Now
we've got a
crew of six dogs, and one
captain!That's
enough.Nothing to worry
about.

EXT. STORM AT SEA
-- NIGHT

The storm continues, and the legend
reads: "THE DEMETER - THIRD NIGHT AT SEA."

CAPTAIN
Now
it's two men disappeared.I don't
care. There's nothing to worry about!
Sailors
disappear - drown - all the time!
It's part
of being a sailor, the drowning part!
Nothing to worry
about.

EXT. STORM AT SEA
-- NIGHT

The storm continues, and the legend
reads: "THE DEMETER - FOURTH NIGHT AT SEA."

EXT. THE DECK OF THE DEMETER
-- NIGHT

The Captain addresses his crew of
four sailors.

CAPTAIN
Anyone
else want to join the three who've
left us?Any other cowards who aren't
brave enough to stay on board?I'm not
worried about the three who are gone.With all this water, you've got to expect a
little drowning!

EXT. STORM AT SEA
-- NIGHT

The storm continues, and the legend
reads: "THE DEMETER - FIFTH NIGHT AT SEA."

EXT. THE DECK OF THE
DEMETER -- NIGHT

The Captain addresses his crew of
three sailors.

CAPTAIN
Four
gone.More pay for the rest of us.Nothing to worry about, except how we're
going to spend all our money.

EXT. STORM AT SEA
-- NIGHT

The storm continues, and the legend
reads: "THE DEMETER - SIXTH NIGHT AT SEA."

EXT. THE DECK OF THE
DEMETER -- NIGHT

The Captain addresses his crew
of two sailors.

CAPTAIN
Nothing
to worry about!!!But we might
put
some sand on the deck.Deck might
be a little slippery.Obviously,
must be
slippery, men slipping overboard.But
if
you're careful not to slip, then you've got
nothing to worry about.

EXT. STORM AT SEA
-- NIGHT

The storm continues, and the legend
reads: "THE DEMETER - SEVENTH NIGHT AT SEA."

EXT. THE DECK OF THE
DEMETER -- NIGHT

The Captain addresses his crew of
one remaining sailor, IVAN.

CAPTAIN
Just
you and me, Ivan.But I'm not
worried.You worried, Ivan?

Ivan screams in terror and leaps
over the side of the boat, into the sea.

CAPTAIN
I
guess Ivan was worried.

EXT. STORM AT SEA
-- NIGHT

The storm continues, and the legend
reads: "THE DEMETER - EIGHTH NIGHT AT SEA."

EXT. THE DECK OF THE
DEMETER -- NIGHT

The Captain has covered himself with
crucifixes. He shouts:

CAPTAIN
All
right, Dracula.I've let you kill
every
one of my crew.I'm the only
one left!Now, I think its time we
re-negotiated my
fee.I want twice
as much for getting you to
England.And
don't getting any funny ideas
about doing me in.I've got protection!Crosses!Lots of crosses.Nothing for
me
to worry about.

DRACULA
What
do I care what you believe?This
storm makes me seasick.I’m going
back
to my coffin.

CAPTAIN
But
it must have been you!What
happened
to my crew?They were
scared out of their
minds!

DRACULA
What?You think I’m the only monster out
here on the ocean?

A GREAT WHITE SHARK leaps
up onto the deck, swallows the Captain in one bite, and slides back into the
sea.

DRACULA
That’s
a nice shark.I’m going back to
my
coffin 'til we get to England!

EXT. INSANE ASYLUM --
EVENING

Establishing shot of the insane
asylum next to Dracula's new home.

INT. FOYER OF THE INSANE
ASYLUM -- EVENING

MINA
MURRAY, a wealthy dowager, is speaking with her good friend LUCY WESTENRA, an
attractive young gold digger.

MINA
Lucy,
I must be blunt.I do not approve
of the fiancé you have selected.

LUCY
But,
Mina, he's a Lord and fabulously rich.

MINA
That
is precisely what people are saying.They
believe you are marrying him solely
for his title and his wealth.

LUCY
That's
not true.He's a darling man.I love
him dearly for his heart and his mind.

MINA
He is
a mental patient!

LUCY
You
know how eccentric the nobility are.He
checked into your asylum for rest and
relaxation.That's all.

MINA
I
find that difficult to believe.

LUCY

(calling)
Doctor
Seward!Doctor Seward!

Doctor
Seward enters.He’s a handsome
young man, with a quirky quality about him that suggests an affinity to both
Harker and Dracula.

SEWARD
Yes,
Miss Westenra?

LUCY
Please
bring in Lord Godalming.I want to
introduce him to Mina.

SEWARD
I’ll
do my best to find him.

MINA
Find
him?Don’t you keep your patients
under supervision?

SEWARD
We
try.But it’s difficult to with a
man like
Lord Godalming.

Seward
exits.Lucy turns back to Mina.

MINA
Sometimes
I wonder if Dr. Seward’s
patients influence him more than he
influences his patients.

LUCY
Once
you meet Lord Godalming, I know
you'll admire and respect him as much as
I do.

Seward enters.

SEWARD
It
is my honor to present, Arthur Renfield,
Lord Godalming.

RENFIELD
a mad, curly-haired imp, bursts into the room.He throws himself onto Lucy and begins kissing her.Lucy breaks away and tries to escape, but Renfield chases her around the
room until Seward tackles him and holds him down.

LUCY
Arthur,
I've told you, we must wait until
after the wedding before we show
affection for
each other.Besides, you
have a
visitor.I want you to meet my best
friend, Mina Murray.She owns this
asylum.Now please stand up and
greet her like a
gentleman.

Cautiously,
Seward allows Renfield to stand.Renfield
casually strolls over to Mina, and then jumps on her and begins kissing her all
over.

MINA
Help!Help!Save me from this mad
man!

Renfield
is terrified by Mina's shouting.He
runs into a corner and hides.

LUCY
Arthur,
stop playing games.I want you to
show Mina that you can behave like a
gentleman.Have some toast and tea.

Renfield
begins acting like an extremely effete gentleman.He saunters over to the tea table and pours himself a cup of
tea.He puts in a teaspoon of
sugar.Then he puts in another
teaspoon of sugar.Then another
teaspoon of sugar.Then he dumps
the rest of the sugar bowl into his cup of tea.He places the cup of sugary mess on an open windowsill.

MINA
What
on earth is he doing?

Renfield
takes a peace of toast.He spreads
on jam.Then he spreads on more
jam, until there is more jam than toast.He
leaves this mess on the windowsill, next to the tea.

SEWARD
He's
been acting this way since that storm
last week.The storm that washed up that
derelict ship.

A
fly buzzes in, attracted by all the sugar.Renfield tries to grab it, and knocks over the tea.He grabs the jam-covered toast, and tries to use it to lure the fly
closer.

MINA
Why
is he chasing that fly?

SEWARD
He
wants to eat it.He’s developed
the
belief that eating living creatures will add to
his own life span.

The
fly lands on Mina's forehead.Renfield
smashes her in the face with the jam-covered toast, catching the fly.He grabs the fly and eats it.

MINA
Lucy,
I will never permit you to marry
this lunatic!If you do so in spite of my
wishes, I will see to it that you are never
accepted in polite society again!

Mina
leaves the room. Furious, Lucy
grabs Renfield by the shirt and shakes him roughly, then shoves him aside.
She turns to
Seward.

LUCY
Doctor
Seward,you've got to help me
convince her that Renfield is sane.

SEWARD
But
he isn't sane!

LUCY
And
what kind of doctor does that make
you, if you can’t cure even your wealthiest
patients?Do you want Mina to
continue
supporting your hospital or not?Come
on!We've got to convince Mina!

Lucy
pulls Seward out of the room, leaving Renfield behind.
He smoothes his shirt, where Lucy grabbed him. There's a knock at the door.Renfield
opens the door, to reveal Dracula standing in the moonlight.Renfield gestures for Dracula to enter.

DRACULA
Thanks
for inviting me in.You remember
who I am?

Renfield
does a silent imitation of a wolf howling, and then does an imitation of a bat
(with fangs) flapping its wings.

SEWARD
She’s appears to be suffering from loss of
blood, but there's no sign of where the
blood could have gone.

VAN
HELSING
Take
me to her room, at once!

MINA
She’s
staying in the residential wing, away
from the inmates.

Mina leads them all to Lucy’s room.

INT.
OUTSIDE LUCY'S BEDROOM--EVENING

Van
Helsing turns to Harker, Mina.

VAN
HELSING

I
will examine her alone!

HARKER
Okay,
if we hear any screams, Mina will
break the door down.

VAN
HELSING
What???

HARKER
Unless
it’s you screaming.

VAN
HELSING
Are
you impugning my ethics?

HARKER
Are
your ethics puny?

VAN
HELSING

You
insult me!I am a doctor!

HARKER
I
insult everyone!I am a
lawyer!

Van
Helsing opens the door, and enters the room.The others wait in the hallway.

INT.LUCY’S BEDROOM--EVENING

Van
Helsing opens the door wide and steps in to the bedroom.He looks around suspiciously.Lucy
lies in bed, awake.She is weak,
but she doesn’t seem dangerously ill at the moment.She wears a scarf around her neck.Without
lookingbehind him, Van Helsing
closes the door.We see that
Dracula has been hiding behind the door.Van
Helsingturns to Lucy.

LUCY
Who
are you?

VAN
HELSING
My
name is Dr. Abraham Van Helsing.If
you cooperate with me fully, I may save
you.

As
they speak, Dracula sneaks into the closet and hides there.

VAN
HELSING

Please
take off that scarf and allow me to
examine your neck.

LUCY
I’d
rather not.It’s quite chilly in
here.

VAN
HELSING
I can look at your neck now,
or later.
I think we both know what
I will find. You've
had a visitor, haven't you? A visitor with
sharp teeth! If he is here, I will find him!

Van
Helsing looks around the room again.He
decides to search in the closet.As
he burrows into the clothes in the right hand side of the closet, Dracula sneaks
out of the left hand side.There is
a large window in the bedroom, with curtains closed in front of it.Dracula creeps over to the window and hides in the right side of the
curtains.Van Helsing finishes
looking in the closet.He decides
to look behind the curtains.As he
looks behind the right hand side, Dracula sneaks out of the left hand side.He signals for Lucy to come over to him.She goes over to the left hand side of the curtains and gets into the
spot where Dracula had been hiding.Van
Helsing, stumbling behind the curtains, grabs her.She slaps Van Helsing, as Dracula goes back into the closet to hide.
Van Helsing and Lucy emerge from the curtains.

VAN
HELSING

What
are you doing out of bed?

LUCY
I
wanted to close the windows.I told
you
I was chilly!

VAN
HELSING

Get
back into bed!I will secure the
windows.

Lucy
goes back to bed.Van Helsing opens
the curtains and closes the windows.He
opens his medical bag and takes out a large piece of garlic.He uses a handkerchief to secure the garlic to the window.Van Helsing smiles smugly, and exits the bedroom.

INT.OUTSIDE LUCY’S BEDROOM--EVENING

Mina,
Seward, and Harker are waiting for Van Helsing.He joins them.

MINA
Can
you help her, doctor?

VAN
HELSING
I have just done much to help her greatly.

HARKER
You got out of her bedroom!

VAN
HELSING
With
the precautions I have taken, she should
be feeling much better by morning.You were
fortunate you sent for me in time.

A
NURSE comes down the hallway, and enters into Lucy’s room.As soon as she is inside, she SCREAMS.Van Helsing, Mina, Seward and Harker rush inside.

INT.LUCY’S BEDROOM--EVENING

Lucy
is now very ill, much paler than she was a moment ago.In the last minute, she has lost most of her blood.She lies in her bed, unconscious.Van Helsing rips away her scarf, and sees the two tiny puncture marks he
expected to find.As he touches them, Lucy's eyes spring open.

Van
Helsing motions for Seward and Mina to join him away from Lucy's bed.They cross to the other side of the room.Harker follows.Van Helsing
whispers to Seward.

VAN
HELSING(whispering)
Why
didn't you tell me about the wounds
on her neck?

SEWARD(whispering)
But
she couldn't have lost much blood
through those tiny little puncture marks.

VAN
HELSING(whispering)
She
not only could, but did.I know
precisely
what caused these puncture marks, and what
caused the loss of blood.It was. . .

HARKER(loudly)
A
vampire!I told you there would be
someone
I could sue!

SEWARD
Dr. Van Helsing!!!

MINA
No
one believes in vampires anymore!

VAN HELSING

I regret to say the lawyer is correct.Vampires
do exist and one has bitten Miss
Lucy.

HARKER
And
I know who he is, too.

VAN
HELSING
And
how would you know that?

HARKER
I
sold him the estate next door.We'd
better
go there right now and kill him before he
gets away.

SEWARD
Kill
him?Isn't it a bit early to be
talking of
murder?

HARKER
You're
right.First I'll sue him, then
we'll kill
him.

VAN
HELSING
Please, Mr. Harker. I believe I am the expert
on vampires here. When it comes time to
identify the culprit, I will be the one to do it.
But
before
we do anything else, I must attend
to Miss Lucy.

The
Nurse enters with Renfield.Van
Helsing bows to him.

VAN
HELSING
Ah!You must be Lord Godalming.It
is
always an honor to meet a member of the
English aristocracy.

Renfield coughs up feathers
(indicated he has graduated from eating flies and spiders to eating birds.)

Lucy
holds out her arms to Renfield.

LUCY
Arthur!
Come here
and make passionate
love to me!Now!

Renfield
grins and jumps at the bed, but Van Helsing grabs hold of him.

VAN
HELSING
No!Do not go to her, or you will be infected
with her unholy lust!

Renfield
considers this for a second, then tries to break away from Van Helsing to get to
Lucy.

VAN
HELSING
Stop! Look
at her!Look at her!Is this
the sweet, innocent girl you promised to
marry?

Arthur
looks at Lucy, who is posing seductively on the bed.He enthusiastically shakes his head "no" and continues his
attempt to jump onto the bed.

VAN
HELSING
Trust
me, and I promise I will return to you
the pure, modest lady she was.

Renfield
tries to strangle Van Helsing.Seward
and Harker pry him off.

VAN
HELSING

I know you are overcome with love for this
sick girl, but you will see I am right.
If weare to save her from becoming a vampire
we must give her a
transfusion at once.

LUCY
(smiling
with anticipation)

Blood?

VAN
HELSING
Yes.We need a donor who is big, strong
and not afraid of the needle.

Van
Helsing opens his doctor's satchel and takes out a rubber tube with large
needles on each end.Harker and
Seward each gesture for the other to go ahead.

HARKER
After
you.

SEWARD
No,
after you.

HARKER
No,
after you!

Renfield
puffs out his chest, roles up his sleeves, takes a few deep breaths, steps
forward, and grabs Mina's arm and holds it out to Van Helsing.

MINA
Very
well!I will gladly give my blood
to
save my friend Lucy.

VAN
HELSING
Lie
next to her on the bed, and I will start
the transfusion.

Mina
lies next to Lucy.Van Helsing
stabs Mina in the arm with the needle on one end of the tube.He waits for blood to fill the tube, then stabs the other end into Lucy's
arm.As soon as blood begins
flowing into Lucy's arm, her eyes close.Van
Helsing takes Lucy's pulse.

VAN
HELSING
Her
pulse is still weak.I wish there
were
some way to speed up the transfusion.

Renfield
sits down on Mina and bounces up and down.He gestures for Harker and Seward to join him.They all sit on Mina, who howls in discomfort as the men
bounce on her.She grows noticeably
paler, as Lucy begins to look healthier.

VAN
HELSING

Enough!We dare not take any more blood
from Miss Mina.

Harker
and the others get off Mina.

HARKER
And
I thought the trip to Castle Dracula was
a bumpy ride!

Van
Helsing removes the needles from the women's arms.Seward helps him to bandage the arms.

VAN
HELSING

Next
we must prepare the room so the
vampire may not enter it again.

We
need garlic.

SEWARD
Garlic! You must be joking!

VAN HELSING
I never joke. There is a grim purpose in
everything I do!

Van
Helsing looks in his supplies buy can’t find the garlic he needs.

VAN HELSING
If
only I had more strings of garlic.I put
some
garlic on the window, but it must
not have been enough.

Renfield
reaches into his pocket and starts to pull out a long string of garlic.He hands one end to Van Helsing, and then like a magician pulling out an
incredibly long string of silk handkerchiefs.

VAN
HELSING
Ah!The aristocrat!They are always
prepared.

Renfield
pulls out a seemingly endless string of garlic and everyone else is soon
hopelessly tangled up in the garlic.

Renfield
starts to bring the garlic near Lucy, but she spats at him like an angry cat.He quickly takes the garlic away from her, and over to Harker.

Helsing covers the windows with garlic.He
also goes to the closet and puts garlic in there.(Dracula is not in the closet.)

VAN
HELSING
With
all this garlic, there is no way the vampire
can get in!

HARKER

Yeah,
and there’s no way we can get out.

Harker
gets down on his knees and crawls over to Van Helsing’s medical bag.He takes out a knife.Then
he crawls over to Renfield and severs the endless string of garlic at the point
where it’s coming out of Renfield’s pocket.

VAN
HELSING

Now
we must leave Miss Lucy to rest
and recover.

Van
Helsing leads Harker, Mina, Renfield and Seward out of the room.

VAN
HELSING
She
is absolutely safe.There is no way
the
vampire may enter the room now.

Everyone
leaves, except for Lucy who remains in her bed.As soon as Van Helsing closes the door behind him, Dracula
crawls out from under Lucy's bed.

DRACULA
I
thought they'd never leave.

LUCY
Count
Dracula!

Lucy
welcomes him with open arms.

INT.FOYER OF THE INSANE ASYLUM--NIGHT

Mina
is bidding goodnight to Van Helsing as he prepares to leave.Doctor Seward stands nearby with Harker.

MINA
Doctor,
do you think you can save her?

VAN
HELSING
I
am sure of it!I will stake my
reputation on
it!I will use all my
knowledge, every ounce
of my skill, to assure she will recover.

HARKER
And
she seemed like such a nice kid.

VAN
HELSING
Miss
Lucy’s life is in my hands.

SCREAM!The Nurse runs into the room!

NURSE
She’s
dead!Lucy’s dead!!!

VAN
HELSING
What???

They
all rush back to Lucy’s bedroom.

INT.LUCY’S BEDROOM--NIGHT

Lucy’s
corpse, drained of blood, lies on her bed.Van Helsing, Mina, the Nurse, Harker, Renfield and Dr. Seward look down
on her sadly.

SEWARD
The
poor, lovely girl.

MINA
She
was an angel.

VAN
HELSING
She
touched us all.

DRACULA
Especially
me.

Dracula
has joined them.

HARKER
It’s
him!The vampire!

Van
Helsing takes a skeptical look at Dracula.

VAN
HELSING
I
don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure.

DRACULA
That’s
too bad, a man your age!.But I know
some girls who
can help you out.

VAN
HELSING
I
mean, I haven’t had the pleasure of being
introduced to you.

HARKER
I’ll
fix that.Helsing, this is
Dracula, the
evil vampire who killed Lucy.Dracula,
this is Helsing, the idiot doctor who helped
you to kill Lucy.

DRACULA
Hey, you look familiar. Are you related to
Leon the werewolf? What about Feydor the
zombie?

VAN
HELSING
Mr. Harker claims that you are a vampire.

DRACULA
Don’t
listen to him.He’s just mad
because
I tried to kill him.

SEWARD
Professor Van Helsing, I've tried to trust you,
but really... as a professor... as a man of science...
surely you can't really believe in vampires!

VAN HELSING
A vampire's greatest strength is that people
will not believe.

DRACULA
You're crazy!

VAN HELSING
Crazy, am I? What do you think is the greatest
strength of a vampire?

DRACULA
Fangs. You ever see a vampire without teeth
trying to gum open somebody's throat? It's
pretty sad.

MINA
Dr. Seward, is this man a patient of yours?

DRACULA

No, I just came to see my good friend, Renfield!

HARKER
Friend???? You
just killed his fiancée!

DRACULA
He’s
my pal.I don’t ask him what he
eats,
and he doesn’t ask me what I eat.Well,
I’m going home now.Don’t worry
about
Lucy.She’ll be fine.

MINA

But
she’s dead!!!

DRACULA
Hey, don't be a bigot.

Dracula
exits.

HARKER
You’re
letting him get away!

VAN
HELSING

That
wasn’t our enemy.Our foe is
an insidiously
clever fiend.The man who
just left is obviously
an imbecile!

HARKER
Obviously.And yet, he’s able to outsmart
you.How do you figure that?

MINA

Why
did he say that Lucy would be fine?

VAN
HELSING
Perhaps
he knew that I could save her.

MINA
You
mean you can restore her to life?

VAN
HELSING
No,
but I can give her true death.Unless
I act now, she will rise again, and become
a vampire herself.I will need a wooden stake
and a hammer.

Renfield
takes a wooden stake and a huge sledgehammer out of his coat and hands them to
Van Helsing.

VAN
HELSING
The
aristocrat comes through again!Now
we will hammer the stake through her heart.

MINA
No!You can’t mean it!

Horrified,
Renfield tries to take back the stake and the hammer, but Van Helsing holds on
tight.

VAN
HELSING
It
is the only way to save Miss Lucy!

Van
Helsing walks over to Lucy’s corpse and places the stake over her heart.He hands the giant sledgehammer to Renfield.

VAN
HELSING
Lord Godalming, you are Miss Lucy’s fiancé.It
is your place to do what must be done.Take this hammer and do what you know is
right.Strike hard, and strike true!

Renfield
takes the hammer and smashes Van Helsing on top of his head.Van Helsing falls unconscious.Harker
shakes Renfield’s hand.

HARKER

The
aristocrat comes through again!

FADE TO:

INT.A ROOM IN THE INSANE ASYLUM--DAY

Van
Helsing is lying in bed, his head bandaged.His eyes pop open and he sits up.Dr.
Seward is in the room with him.

VAN
HELSING
What
happened?Did the vampire
attack
me?

SEWARD
No.I’m afraid Lord Godalming hit you.I’m
sure it was an accident.We’ve
locked him
up for your protection, and I have the only
key, right in my ….

Dr.
Seward pats the pocket where he thinks he has the key, but he doesn’t feel the
key in his pocket.He searches the
pocket.Renfield hands him the key.

SEWARD
Thanks.

Renfield
gives Seward a “don’t mention it” gesture and exits.

SEWARD
I wish I knew how he does that.

Van
Helsing suddenly remembers what he was about to do when he was knocked
unconscious.

VAN
HELSING
Miss
Lucy!Did you put the stake through
her heart?

SEWARD

No.We didn’t see the point.We
entombed
her in her family vault.

VAN
HELSING
When?

SEWARD
Three
days ago.You’ve been unconscious
for four days.

VAN
HELSING

You
read newspapers, don’t you?Have
there been any unusual incidents at night?

SEWARD
Unusual?No.Not really.Just some reports
of children being bitten on the neck by a
beautiful,
pale young woman, dressed in a
white nightgown. The children call her the
Bloofer
Lady.

VAN
HELSING
It
is as I feared!It is Miss Lucy!We must
go tonight where the attacks have occurred!I will show you proof of what we need to
do!

EXT.CEMETERY--
NIGHT

Van Helsing,
carrying a lantern, leads Harker, Seward and Renfield through the cemetery to
the entrance of the Westenra Family Vault. Van Helsing picks the lock on
the door to the Westenra Family Vault.

INT.WESTENRA FAMILY VAULT--
NIGHT

Van Helsing
enters the vault, followed by Harker Seward and Renfield. He leads them to
the stone tomb where Lucy's body should be.

VAN HELSING
This is where you entombed Miss Lucy, is it
not?

Van Helsing pries off the lid of Lucy's stone tomb.Inside, her resting place is empty except for a large sign that reads
"OUT TO LUNCH."

SEWARD
Where is she?

VAN HELSING
Come! I think I know where to find her!

EXT.A PUBLIC PARK--NIGHT

Van Helsing, Harker, Seward and Renfield walk through a park, looking for the
Bloofer Lady.

VAN
HELSING
This
is the area where all the attacks
occurred.

They
spot a BOY NERD and a GIRL NERD.Van
Helsing decides to question them. The Nerds are teenagers.

VAN
HELSING
Excuse
me, have you seen a beautiful woman,
pale woman dressed in white, with sharp
teeth?

BOY
NERD
You
mean the Bloofer Lady?

GIRL
NERD
We’re
here first.Wait your turn!

VAN
HELSING

Turn?

GIRL
NERD
To
get bit.

VAN
HELSING
I
don’t want to be bitten.

BOY
NERD
Then
why you looking for the Bloofer Lady?

VAN
HELSING
To
stop her from preying on innocent little
children.

GIRL
NERD
You
see any innocent little children here?

Renfield
takes a giant lollypop out of his coat, and licks it.Renfield looks like an innocent child.

BOY
NERD(pointing at Van Helsing)
He thinks innocent little children are going to
hang around here after dark!What kind
of an idiot is he?

Renfield
whistles and raises his hand, volunteering to answer the question.

HARKER
My
client refuses to answer that question on the
grounds that the answer is privileged,
confidential
and proof he’s an idiot.

VAN
HELSING(to Harker)
I
am not your client!

HARKER
That’s
more proof you’re an idiot.

VAN
HELSING(to the Nerds)
But
the newspapers said….

BOY
NERD
Newspapers!!!

GIRL
NERD
You
believe the newspapers?The only
innocent child around here is you!

Renfield
hands Van Helsing his lollypop. Van
Helsing takes it without noticing what he is taking.

VAN
HELSING
I
am more knowledgeable than you think
I am.

HARKER
That’s not saying much.

VAN
HELSING

The
Bloofer Lady in not what you believe
she is!

GIRL
NERD
What???She’s not a vampire????

VAN
HELSING
Well,
yes, she is a vampire.I did not
think
you knew that.

BOY
NERD
Why?You think everyone’s as dumb as
you?

Renfield
grabs his lollypop back, angry to hear that Van Helsing thinks everyone is as
dumb as he is.

GIRL
NERD
Why
do you think we’re out here?We
want
her to bite us.

VAN
HELSING
You
want to be vampires???Why?

BOY
NERD
Not
necessarily full vampires.But if
she
just bites you a little, you get a little vampire-ish.

VAN
HELSING

But
why would you want to be even a little
vampire-ish?

BOY
NERD
Look
at us!We’re losers!No one likes
us.

VAN
HELSING

I’m
sure your friend here likes you.

GIRL
NERD
No.Not really.Sorry.

BOY
NERD
That’s
all right.I don’t like you much
either.

VAN
HELSING
But
a vampire is a thing of horror!

BOY
NERD
Being
a loser teenager is a thing of horror!!!

HARKER
Listen,
kids, it’s not so bad.Neither
of
you is anywhere near as big a loser as
Helsing here.

BOY
NERD

I
guess that’s true.

GIRL
NERD
You’ve
got a point.

SEWARD
I
don’t believe in vampires!

Suddenly
Lucy appears and bites both Nerds on their necks.First she samples the blood of the Boy Nerd, then of the Girl
Nerd.They morph into much cooler
kids.They stare at each other with
new respect.

BOY
NERD
Hey, look
at you!

GIRL
NERD
You
think?

They walk off, hand in hand.

VAN
HELSING
It
is the vampire!We must destroy her
body to save her immortal soul.

LUCY
Wouldn’t
you rather destroy my soul to
save my immoral body?

VAN
HELSING
You
see!She is undead.

LUCY
Yes.I’m undead.I’m less
dead than all
of you put together.

Renfield
hops into her arms.

LUCY
Maybe
not less dead than Renfield here.I
never appreciated how full of life Lord
Godalming is.

She
prepares to bite Renfield in the neck, but Van Helsing pulls a large piece of
garlic out of his pocket and brandishes it at Lucy, who drops Renfield.She back away hissing.

LUCY
Garlic!You will regret this, Van Helsing.

She
turns into a bat and flies away.

SEWARD
Where
is she going?

HARKER
Probably
to team up with Count Dracula.

VAN
HELSING

Count???Did you say Count Dracula?

HARKER
Yeah.Count Dracula, the vampire you
didn’t think was a vampire!

VAN
HELSING
But
you never said he was a Count!I
thought he was riff raff.But
he is noble, like
our friend Lord Godalming!You know
what this means?

Lord
Godalming makes a grotesque face.

HARKER
Too
much royal inbreeding?

VAN
HELSING

Count
Dracula may look talk an idiot; he
may act like an idiot, but don’t let that
fool
you.He really is a nobleman and a genius!An evil genius. We must find him before
he strikes again!

INT.MINA’S BEDROOM--NIGHT

Dracula
enters Mina's bedroom, where she is getting ready for bed.

MINA
Get out of here!You get out of my bedroom
at once!

DRACULATake it easy.Where is everyone?

MINA
If you must know, they went looking for
Lucy Westenra.Professor Van
Helsingthinks she's
a vampire.

DRACULA
They don't have to go looking for a vampire.They could have found one right here!

Dracula smiles at
her.His fangs are extended.She shrieks and grabs a crucifix,

which she holds up to ward off Dracula.

MINA|Jonathan was
right!You are a monster!

Dracula cowers
and shield himself with his cape.

DRACULAWhy do you
want to call me names?

MINAYou're
evil!!!

DRACULAI'm not such
a bad guy, if you get to know
me.

MINAIf you aren't
evil, why does it hurt you to
look upon the holy cross?

DRACULASo maybe I
don't like to see God suffer.All I
want is a little fun.

MINAThere's more
to life than having fun.

DRACULAAnd there's
more to fun than having life.Why
don't you let me show you?

MINANo!I don't want to die!

DRACULAHow do you
know you don't want it, if
you've never tried it?Come on, let
me just have a little
bite.

MINANo!

DRACULAIt's fun.When's the last time you had some fun?You look like you can use some fun.

MINAI do not need
any fun from you!

DRACULAWhy don't you
take a chance? If you
still think I'm no good, you can always
use the cross to make me go away.

MINABut why
should I let you bite me?

DRACULATo prove
you're right - to prove I'm
not fun!
You should let me bite you so you can prove I'm not the most fun
you've ever had in your life.Come on.All I want is a chance.We'll
both
have a good time.

MINAI'm sure you
will.

DRACULA
You bet I will.You know how much I
want to bite you, right now?Come
on,
I'm hungry for
you.

MINAI think
you've used that line before.

DRACULASure, and
I'll use it again.And each time I mean it.

He gazes at her
hypnotically.

MINAI suppose I
could let you have one quick
bite, just to prove I won't like it.

Dracula slowly
goes to her and sinks his fangs into her neck.To Mina's surprise,

she does enjoy it.

MINA
Oh!Oh my!Stop!

Dracula stops.

DRACULAWhat's the
matter?

MINA
That was not entirely unpleasant.But
I'm not ready to
die.

DRACULAWhy not?

MINAWhat if I
don't like death?Once I'm dead, I'll have to
remain dead.

DRACULAOkay, I'll
tell you what.I'll give you a

taste of what it's like to be me, but you
don't have to die.Here.

Dracula opens his
shirt.He uses his fingernail to
cut his flesh, so that he bleeds.

DRACULADrink this.You'll feel a little of

how I
feel.

Frightened, but
tempted, Mina works up the courage to taste Dracula's blood.When she
tastes it, she finds she likes it.She
drinks deeply.She moans loudly.

Van Helsing bursts in,
followed by the others.He finds
Mina sucking blood from

Dracula's chest.

VAN HELSING
Vile lecher!

DRACULA
I don't know. Vhy-a-lecher?

VAN HELSING
How dare you enter this woman's bedroom?

DRACULA
That's funny.I was about to ask you the
same
thing.

HARKER
For that matter,
what's Mina doing?

DRACULA
I cut myself.I couldn't find a bandage, so
she volunteered to plug the leak.That's
enough, lady; don't overdo it.

Dracula tries to
pull Mina's face away from her chest, but she growls at him and

starts to feed again.Van Helsing
waves a piece of garlic at Dracula, who tries to get

away, but can't get loose from Mina.

VAN HELSING
Leave that woman,
Count Dracula!

DRACULA
I'm trying.She won't let go.

Harker and
Seward try to pull Mina off of Dracula.

VAN HELSING
Go at once!I command you!

DRACULA
Could you command
her?

SEWARD
Ican't get her loose!

HARKER
Does anyone have
a crowbar?

Renfield takes a
crowbar out of his jacket and starts to hand it to Harker, but Dracula grabs
it. Dracula uses it to pry Mina off of his chest.As soon
as Dracula comes loose, he runs out the door.

VAN HELSING

After him!

Van Helsing,
Seward and Renfield run after him.Harker
starts to follow, but Mina

grabs his hand.

MINA
Jonathan, I suppose I should be ashamed.

HARKER
Ashamed?Why should you be ashamed?

It's not as if I found you in the arms of my
worst enemy… oh wait, that's
where I did
find you.

MINA

Have I been a naughty little girl?

HARKER
Compared with
you, Lizzie Borden was a
naughty little girl.

It's
becoming clear that Mina is attempting to be flirtatious.

MINA
Does the big
lawyer want to punish his
naughty girl?Maybe you'd like to
spank
me?

HARKER
I'd like to
re-attach you to Count Dracula.At least that kept you quiet.

MINA
I know how you
can keep me from talking.Kiss me, Jonathan!!!

HARKER
Hey!What?What's come over
you???

Mina grabs
him and gives him a passionate kiss.His
greasepaint mustache smears

so that now they both have mustaches.Van
Helsing runs into the room and tears

them apart.He brandishes his
garlic at Mina, who turns away.

VAN HELSING

No!You must not touch her, or she will
infect you!

HARKER
Thanks, Helsing.Did you get Dracula?

VAN HELSING

No.But we will.

Van Helsing
pulls Harker out of the room.Mina
tries to follow, but Helsing closes

the door and locks it from the outside.

INT.FOYER OF THE INSANE ASYLUM--NIGHT

Van Helsing
leads Harker to a couch.

VAN HELSING
In a few hours it
will be dawn.There is
much to do.Wait here.I will come for
you soon.

Harker lies back
on the couch.Helsing exits.

EXT.CEMETERY--DAY

Van Helsing picks
the lock on the door to the Westenra Family Vault.

INT.WESTENRA FAMILY VAULT--DAY

It is dark inside
the vault, but there is enough light for Van Helsing to see what he is doing.He pries off the lid of Lucy's stone tomb.Inside, she lies sleeping, beautiful and alluring.Van Helsing places a
wooden stake over her heart.

INT.INT.FOYER OF THE
INSANE ASYLUM--DAY

Harker is asleep
on the couch.Van Helsing shakes
him awake.

VAN HELSING
Mr. Harker!Mr. Harker!It is a glorious
day!!

HARKER(trying to sleep)
Good.Go outside and enjoy it.

VAN HELSING
You must see!I have avenged Miss Mina.

HARKER

Fine.Go wake her up.

VAN HARKER
No!It will do your heart good to see
what I

have done.Come!You must
come see!!!

Van Helsing
drags Harker off the couch.

EXT.CEMETERY-- DAY

Van Helsing
leads Harker to the Westenra Family Vault.

VAN HELSING
Lord Godalming is
a fine nobleman, but
he is blinded by his affection for his fiancée.And Dr. Seward has trouble believing in

vampires.Only we truly understand
the
evil we face.When I came here
this afternoon,
I found Miss Lucy as Dracula changed her,
poisoned with his evil lust.

INT.WESTENRA FAMILY VAULT--DAY

Van Helsing leads
Harker to Lucy's vault.

VAN HELSING

I gave her true
death.No longer is she the
creature Dracula made her.Now she
is her
own
beautiful self.

Harker looks in
the tomb.Lucy is a five day old
corpse with a stake in her heart. Her skin
is green and bloated. Flies buzz around her.

It's a truly
ghastly site.

VAN HELSING
I have given her
back her purity.

HARKER
So that's how
purity smells.

EXT.CEMETERY--DAY

Van Helsing and
Harker are leaving the vault.

HARKER
Why'd you do this
to Lucy?Dracula's
the

enemy!!!

VAN HELSING

Don't worry. He will share Miss Lucy's
fate, as will all who trod the path of lust!
Last week,

I wired
my friend Arminius to
send me a book.It came this morning.It

should give us
all the answers we seek.

INT.FOYER OF THE INSANE ASYLUM--NIGHT

Van Helsing is
studying the book Arminius sent him.Harker looks on.

VAN
HELSING
This is amazing.Do you know where lust
comes from?

HARKER
The lust and
found?

VAN HELSING
Count Dracula is
not just an ordinary vampire.He is

the chief lust
demon.He spreads lust

throughout the
world. Now, more than ever,
it is our duty to destroy him. If we do that,
we will greatly
lessen the lust in the world.

HARKER
But you can't do
that!

VAN HELSING
Why not?Don't you know that lust is a sin?

HARKER

Yeah, but it's
the best one!

VAN HELSING
There will still
be lust in the world,but
much,
much less.Now all we need to do is

to get
Mina to
tell us where the Count is.

HARKER

How would she
know?She's been locked

in her bedroom
since last night.

VAN HELSING

She has
Dracula's blood in her.

According
to this
book, I can make his

blood speak to
us with hypnosis.Come!

We must go back
to the asylum!

INT.MINA'S BEDROOM--DAY

Mina sits on her
bed while Van Helsing studies his book on demons. Then he puts down the
book and prepares to hypnotize Mina. Harker, Seward and Renfield look on.

MINA
But Doctor Van
Helsing, is this really

necessary?

VAN HELSING
Necessary to
defeat the monster?How can
you even ask?Do you know what would
happen to your
reputation if it were known

you were infected
with vampire blood?

Mina realizes she
is being blackmailed, but doesn't have the courage to face

society's
disapproval.Reluctantly, she
submits to Van Helsing.

MINA
Very well.Do what you must.

Van Helsing
stands over her, so she must look up at him.

VAN HELSING
Look at me.Your eyes are tired.Very

tired.The sound of my voice makes you
want to sleep.

HARKER
The sound of your
voice makes everyone

want to sleep.

VAN HELSING

You cannot keep
your eyes open any

longer.You are now asleep.You will
tell

me everything
I
want to know.First, tell me where you are.

When Mina speaks
under hypnosis, she speaks with Dracula's bad Italian accent.

MINA(as Dracula)
How should I
know?I'm asleep.I got my

eyes closed.

VAN HELSING
Your eyes are
closed, but you can hear.

What do you hear?

MINA
(as Dracula)
I hear a stupid
doctor asking lots of dumb

questions.

VAN HELSING
So you know who I
am?

MINA
(as Dracula)
Sure.You're the bad guy in this story.

VAN HELSING
That is merely
your opinion.Tell me, what

else do you hear
besides my questions?

MINA
(as Dracula)
I hear water,
like I'm floating on waves.

VAN HELSING
You are on the
water?

MINA
(as Dracula)
No, it doesn't
smell like water.I think it's

blood.I'm floating on a lake of blood!

And there's a
giant cannoli floating by.And

sitting on the
cannoli is Catherine the Great
playing bridge
with Florence Nightingale.
Hey, you know
what I think?I think this is
all a dream!

I must be asleep!

VAN HELSING
Do you remember
what you did right before

you went to sleep?

MINA

(as Dracula)
I closed my eyes.I lay down in my coffin

and closed my
eyes.

VAN HELSING
And where is your
coffin?

MINA
(as Dracula)

I put it on a
boat going back to

Transylvania.

VAN HELSING
Why?

MINA(as Dracula)
England's no fun.It's too hard to find

women who want
to have a good time with

me.I'm going back where the women take a
chance.

VAN HELSING
I see.That will be all.Miss Mina,
when I

snap
my fingers,
you will awake.

He snaps his
fingers.

Mina comes out of the trance.

VAN HELSING
Now I must take Miss Mina with me to
Transylvania,
where we will put an end to
this
fiend for once and for all.

HARKER
Take Mina? Why?

VAN HELSING
So I can hypnotize her to find out why Dracula
is planning!

HARKER
And how do I find out what you're planning, -
as if I couldn't guess. That's my finance you're
talking about!
The woman to whom I pledged my
troth!

VAN HELSING
So?

HARKER
If you're taking her to Transylvania, I want my
troth back.

VAN HELSING

You needn't be concerned. I will treat her
with all the respect a woman of her character
deserves.

HARKER
That's what I thought, you rat!

VAN HELSING

I will give you back Miss Mina, pure and unsullied.

HARKER
That's the sullied-est thing I've ever heard.

MINA
Can't we just let Dracula go? He's gone from
England.

VAN HELSING
It is his corruption running through your veins that
makes you say that. However, if you do not wish to
accompany me, I can find other
vampire-hunters who
will be most pleased to track Dracula down and kill
him.

HARKER
Okay, Helsing. You win. We'll all go with you.

VAN HELSING
Ah, good! Finally, you listen to reason! I will
go pack my bags and meet you here in one hour.

HARKER
As bad as Dracula is, Helsing's worse. Now if
only we had some clue as to how to stop him....

Seward puts the book down. The camera pans in on a page of the book.
There is a drawing of Dracula labeled "Lust Demon." Right below it is a
picture of Van Helsing labeled "Pride Demon."

STEWART
Well, I can't think of anything.

HARKER
Neither can I... except how much Helsing
reminds me of a sick walrus.

SEWARD
We'll
just have to figure something out when we
get to Transylvania.

We might as well all get
packed. We've got a train to catch.

They all go off to pack. Seward grabs the book, closing it.

EXT. A TRAIN MOVES THROUGH THE EASTERN EUROPEAN COUNTRYSIDE - DAY

A train from the 1890's moves carries Harker, Mina, Steward, Re

nfield
and Van Helsing to Transylvania.

INT.
LOBBY OF THE INN --NIGHT

Harker, Mina, Steward, Renfield and Van Helsing check into the Golden Krone Inn.
The same Old Woman who was there at the beginning of the film is still sitting
in the lobby. The Inn Keeper is surprised to see Harker is back.

HARKER
Hi! Remember me? I'm back.

INN KEEPER
You didn't pay us the last time you were here!

HARKER
That's all right. I won't pay you twice as much
this time.

VAN HELSING
Never mind that! This is important! We are
here to rid you of Dracula.

OLD WOMAN
Dracula! Such a mensch he was!

HARKER
A mensch???? The last time I was here, you called
him a nudnik, a gonif, a shnorrer, a momzer.

OLD WOMAN
Sometimes you don't appreciate what you've
got until it goes away. When Dracula was here,
everyone was... so lively.. you know what I
mean?. Even my husband here! Every night,
he wouldn't leave me alone. Such passion!
But since Dracula went away, I get bupkis.

She turns to the Inn Keeper and
addresses him directly:

OLD WOMAN
You used to treat me like a
beautiful woman!
Now, what does
you think I am, chopped liver?

Van Helsing leads Harker, Seward,
Renfield, and Mina away from the Inn Keeper and the Old Woman.

VAN HELSING
Do you realize what this means?

HARKER
Yes, I'll never be able to face a plate of chopped
liver again!

VAN HELSING
It means Dracula has not yet returned to Transylvania!
By taking the train, we have beaten him here. We have
time to start the battle.

SEWARD
What did you have in mind?

VAN HELSING
I will take Miss Mina and Lord Godalming to
Dracula's castle to destroy Dracula's brides. Mr.
Harker and Dr. Steward must stay here and
keep an eye out for Dracula.

HARKER
Helsing, I know we haven't always seen eye to
eye. But knowing you're willing to go to castle
Dracula to confront those she-devils, ... well,
I've seen what those fiends can do to a man.
And if you're willing to attack them, I just want
you to know, I think you're probably the biggest
sap I've ever met. Now go! Go and take
these other saps with you!

Harker shakes hands with Van
Helsing and with Mina. He holds out his hand to shake hands with Renfield,
but instead Renfield embraces him and kisses him on the cheeks.

MINA
Don't worry, Jonathan.
We'll be all right. You
stay here and...
plan... what to do about Dracula!

Van Helsing exits with Mina and
Renfield. As soon as they are gone, Harker turns to Seward.

HARKER
Quick! We've got to figure out how to help
Dracula defeat Helsing.

SEWARD
Maybe I can find something in that book that
Van Helsing had on demons. I took it with me.

Seward takes the book out of his luggage. Seward starts looking through
the book.

HARKER
With a name like Hell-Sing, we should have known
he was a demon!

SEWARD
A lust demon spreads lust... and a pride demon
spreads pride. But he doesn't do it by biting
people. A pride demon spread his sin through
his powers of speech.
Van Helsing will infect you
with pride if you listen to him and take him
seriously.

HARKER
That means I'm safe! Does he have a
special weakness - like the way Dracula can't
stand garlic?

SEWARD
Yes! Yes, it's right here! It's a different plant
than garlic. But it works on pride demons the
same way garlic works on Dracula! This is perfect!
We've found the way to defeat Helsing!

Seward points at a passage in the book and shows it to Harker. Harker
reads it and then turns to the Inn Keeper.

VAN HELSING
It is almost sunset and we haven't found the
coffins of the brides. If only we hadn't lost the
map...

Renfield grabs Van Helsing's arm and
shakes his head "no."

VAN HELSING
No? What do you mean, "no"?

Renfield reaches into his coat and
takes out the map showing the way from the inn to Castle Dracula. Renfield
gives the map to Van Helsing.

VAN HELSING
The map! But before, when I asked you, you...
I... Oh, never mind! We must protect ourselves.
I have garlic powder which I will sprinkle to form
a circle around us. We will be safe within the circle.

Van Helsing takes a container of
garlic powder and pours it in a circle on the floor around them. When no
one is watching him, Renfield tastes the garlic. He enjoys it.

MINA
Shouldn't we have crucifixes or holy water?

VAN HELSING
I prefer garlic.

MINA
Why?

Van Helsing has to lie. The
truth is that being a Pride Demon, he doesn't like being exposed to religious
artifacts any more than vampires do.

VAN HELSING
I.... um.... I dislike using religious artifacts around
such evil creatures. It seems disrespectful to the
artifacts to expose them to vampires!.

Having finished creating the circle,
Van Helsing attempts to put the container of garlic powder away, but Renfield
deftly takes it from him, without Van Helsing noticing, and eats a huge helping
of the garlic powder.

The Nine Vampire Women enter and
attempt to seduce Van Helsing, Mina, and Renfield to come out of the circle of
garlic powder.

1ST VAMPIRE WOMAN
Visitors!

2ND VAMPIRE WOMAN
Come to us!

3RD VAMPIRE WOMAN
Join us!

4TH VAMPIRE WOMAN
Come let us love you.

VAN HELSING
Don't listen to them! They want to do unholy, unnatural
things to you!

Renfield bursts out of the circle
and runs to the Vampire Women! But before they can suck his blood, they
are repelled by his breath!

1ST VAMPIRE WOMAN
Auuuughhh!

2ND VAMPIRE WOMAN
Garlic breath!

3RD VAMPIRE WOMAN
Horrible garlic breath!

4TH VAMPIRE WOMEN
Run for your lives!

The Vampire Women run from Renfield,
who tries to grab them. He chases after them, trying to grab them, but
they run from his garlic breath.

INT. VARIOUS OTHER ROOMS IN CASTLE
DRACULA -- NIGHT

Renfield chases the Nine Vampire
Women through the Castle. They run from him around tables. He darts
back and forth, crawling under tables, climbing over tables, but the Vampire
Women always manage to escape him. He tries to sneak up behind some of
them, but they can smell his garlic breath before he can get close to them, and
they run away. Finally he has to
give up and go back to Van Helsing and Mina.

INT. CENTRAL ROOM IN CASTLE
DRACULA -- NIGHT

Renfield trudges back into the
circle of garlic powder, where Van Helsing and Mina wait. Van Helsing
slaps him on the back to congratulate him.

VAN HELSING
I congratulate you, Lord Godalming. Using the
garlic to chase away those unholy fiends was a
brilliant strategy. Your noble breeding comes
through again!

Renfield makes a face at Van Helsing,
but Van Helsing does not see because he is consulting his pocket watch.

VAN HELSING
Now there is nothing to do but wait for dawn!

INT. LOBBY OF THE INN --
NIGHT

Harker and Seward are preparing to
leave the Inn. The Inn Keeper and the his wife, the Old Woman, are there.

HARKER
Thanks for the supplies!

SEWARD
Dracula should be back in Transylvania soon!
You'll be feeling better again in no time.

OLD WOMAN
Actually, I'm starting to feel pretty good now.

INN KEEPER
You're starting to look pretty good!

As the Inn Keeper and his wife exit
arm in arm, Dracula enters.

DRACULA
I'm back! Hey, Harker, I'm glad you're here!
I got a job for you! I want you sell that house
I own in England.

HARKER
You mean the one you never paid me for?

DRACULA
That's he one! Only this time, we get the cash
up front.

SEWARD
Count Dracula, we came here to warn you about
Van Helsing! He's a pride demon
and he hates
you!

DRACULA
No kidding. You think he'd want to buy my house?

SEWARD
He's gone to your castle to try to kill your brides!

DRACULA
My brides! I better go to the castle!!!

SEWARD
Renfield and Mina are with him, and they'll slow
him down.

HARKER
You run ahead! We'll follow.

Dracula runs out!

INT. CENTRAL ROOM IN CASTLE
DRACULA -- NIGHT (RIGHT BEFORE DAWN)

Van Helsing, Mina and Renfield are
sleeping within the circle of garlic powder. Enter Dracula with several
Vampire Women.

1ST VAMPIRE WOMAN
There he is!

DRACULA
Okay. I'll take care of this.

The Vampire Women exit.
Dracula starts to go up to Van Helsing, but he can't cross the garlic powder.
He looks around the room, finds a suitable object to toss at Van Helsing to wake
him up (such as a book, a candle, a piece of statuary), and tosses it at Van Helsing's head to wake him up.

VAN HELSING
Owww!

DRACULA
That's the problem with pride! You always get a
big swollen head.

VAN HELSING
So you know who I am!

DRACULA
Sure, you're a pride demon; I'm a lust demon.
We're both demons. Why do you want to kill
me and my friends?

VAN HELSING
Why? You dare to ask me why? Do you realize
the early Christians thought pride was the worst
of the seven deadly sins! Pride led to Lucifer's fall!
But now, the only sin anyone talks about is lust!
No one gives pride the respect it deserves! But
that will all change when I destroy you!

DRACULA
Hey, you want to buy a house?

VAN HELSING
No! I do not want to buy a house! I want to
destroy you, eradicate you, wipe every trace
of you off the planet!

DRACULA
Are you sure you're not an anger demon?

Van Helsing consults his pocket
watch.

VAN HELSING
You have made one serious mistake, Count
Dracula. Sunlight destroys lust demons and
other vampires, but it is harmless to pride
demons.

Mina and Renfield wake up.

DRACULA
Yeah? So?

VAN HELSING
So... the sun is up, and you are doomed!

MINA
No!!!!!

Van Helsing runs out of the circle
of garlic powder to a wall where a huge curtain hangs in front of a window.
Triumphantly, Van Helsing yanks the curtain down.

However, the window has been bricked
up. No sunlight enters.

DRACULA
I've been living here hundreds of years. You really
thought I wouldn't have bricked up the windows by
now?

VAN HELSING
I will destroy you if I have to push you through those
bricks with my bare hands!

Van Helsing advances on Dracula, but
before he can get to him, Harker enters and stands in front of Dracula.

HARKER
Not so fast, Helsing!

Harker reaches into his pocket and
pulls out a banana! Van Helsing hisses at it as a vampire would hiss at a
crucifix.

VAN HELSING
Curse you, Harker!

Van Helsing runs. He tries to
exit the room, but waiting for him at the other door is Seward, who also holds
out a banana! Van Helsing hisses at Seward and his banana!

HARKER
You can't have pride in the face of a banana,
can you, Helsing?

VAN HELSING
Put that cursed fruit away!!!

SEWARD
He can't even say the word!

HARKER
Come on, Helsing. Say, "banana!"

Van Helsing hisses again. He
runs into the circle of garlic powder and grabs the necks of Mina and Renfield,
one in each hand.

VAN HELSING
Put those away or I will snap their necks!
I mean it! Leave this land and never come
back, or I will kill Miss Mina and Lord
Godalming!!!

Harker and Seward back away.

VAN HELSING
You thought to defeat me, with your pathetic
yellow produce. I am the king of the pride
demons! How do you think I got to master
the sin of pride! I earned it. I earned the right
to be proud! And I will spread dignity and pride
throughout the world!

HARKER
What I wouldn't give for a banana cream pie!

Renfield's face lights up. He grins, reaches into his
coat, and pulls out a banana cream pie, which he smashes into Van Helsing's
face!

VAN HELSING
No! No!!!! You have assaulted my dignity!!!!

HARKER
Hey, Helsing, have a banana!

Harker stuffs a banana in Van
Helsing's mouth. Van Helsing dies!

Renfield and Mina leave the circle
of garlic powder and join Harker and Seward.

MINA
I don't understand. What happened?

DRACULA
Van Helsing was a pride demon.

SEWARD
The one thing pride demons can't stand are bananas.
It affects them like garlic affects vampires!

MINA
And we've destroyed him!

HARKER
Yeah, I wish I could take pride in that. But somehow,
I just can't manage it.

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foregoing, the scripts may not be staged, filmed or otherwise performed without the author's express
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