Monday, August 14, 2006

Getting Through

This is a picture I took of Jacob. I edited it to make it more of a sketch.

Oh how we miss our son.

The thing that really gets me through this, and what I told Brian last night as we talked on the porch during the storm -- is that I know Jacob would not want us to quit living over his loss. I realized today that sometimes it's just going to be hard. Sometimes like these days, it's just going to suck. Period.

I think the hardest part about losing a baby is how people don't seem to know what to say, and sometimes they say nothing.

Silence is absolutely the hardest thing to take.

Just an "I'm sorry," is all it takes. Some people in our lives have gone missing and it's painful. It's hard because we don't feel we can just call up and say "Hey, where have you been?" because it would just make them feel bad, and that's not what we want to do. We just want the opportunity to share Jacob's life, and some of the pain of our loss of him.

He was a person. A person we met, loved, and cared for in the short time we had him in our arms. He was beautiful and perfect in his own way. He had a second toe that was longer than his first like me, and he looked like his Daddy, Grandpa M., and uncles in his face.

I'm not saying this just for the reader's benefit for us. But please know that anyone you know in the future just wants to hear that you're there for them. If you can be.

Jules,I know exactly where you are coming from, as we also have several friends that just don't have a clue - so they say nothing about our situation, and then chatter away about other friends of theirs who are pregnant.

Its thoughtless and insensitive, but they just don't "get it". Its frustrating for me, but like you, I don't want to make a fuss of it and make them feel bad.

We can only hope that they never find themselves in this situation and realise just how lonely it is when your friends aren't there for you.

Yep, it pretty much sucks when you are going through something so painful, and people you thought cared, your "friends", for all intents and purposes desert you. Been there, done that. None of us ever know when our turn to experience some pain is going to come around, so I guess we should all be mindful of it as it is going around.

Probably explains why so many of us gravitate to support groups, so we can be around the like-minded and the like-experienced.

I am sorry that you feel deserted- I am certain that no one intends you to feel that way. After reading your post, I realize that I have not been very supportive and I apologize. Being the introvert that I am, I truly prefer to be left alone to process and heal while grieving. I know that if I ever need a friend to listen, they will be there when I call and that’s enough for me. I guess I project that on others as well and assume they feel the same.

I've been silent too long. Please accept my apologies for that one. You and Brian have been in my thoughts for the better part of the summer, and it's only recently that I can read your blog at work and not get weepy. You two are the bravest folks I know--I'm not sure I could have taken the journey you've been on and not lose my sanity. Please know that you're still in my thoughts, and that I'm sending many hugs your way.