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do you think he will cheat on me?

my husband and i have been together since i was 14 years old. i'm 21 now. we've been married for two years, and have a 3 year old daughter. we've never had any problems until now. well, he probably doesn't think its as much of a problem as i do, but he connected with an old friend on myspace around april this year. this is someone that he said he was in love with at one time, before we met. so of course i was nervous about it. she lives in new york, but came to visit in march. he tole me she was here and he wanted to visit her. i told him i wouldn't mind meeting her with him. but he goes out and meets her while i'm at his moms with our sleeping daughter. and hes gone till after 1am. he said other friends were there, so i don't know why he didnt' want me to go with him, since our daughter was with his mom already. and then i find out that he went to a movie with her, when he told me went by himself. i found out by finding

Two ticket stubs in his pocket when doing laundry, and by seeing Photobooth pics of them on her myspace. He had never lie to me about anything before, until he started talking to her again. Today, something told me to log into his myspace account(he doesnâ€™t know I have his password) to see if they were still talking, cause he said he was messaging her anymore. He lied about that too. Form wha ti can see on he just recently started talking to her again. And in their messages she said he is moving back here in February . I could deal with it before, knowing she was all the was across the country, but now that i know she will be living here I donâ€™t know what to do. I havenâ€™t ever been happy with the way I look .

Answer by
Anonymous
at 5:39 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

Iâ€™ve gained a lot of weight in the years that weâ€™ve been together most of it when I was pregnant, and she is probably 100 lbs. Iâ€™m starting to wonder what he sees in me, and I donâ€™t know if he still likes her that way. He said in the messages that he is looking forward to seeing her and her kids when they move here. And something about â€˜I donâ€™t wanna be that guyâ€™. What guy? The guy that cheats on his wife? Iâ€™m just freaking out about this and I need some advise on what to do , and how to talk to him about this.

Answer by
Anonymous
at 5:39 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

I would slap them down in front of him and demand an explaination...he was NOT honest with you and sneaking around looks REALLY bad. It is unexcusable! What would he think if you did this to him? it sounds like there is something more there and if there is, he needs to cut all contact with her...if he wonders if he can keep from being 'that guy' either the guy that cheats or the guy that she can't stop obsessing about. Either way, he has crossed the line in my book and needs to stay away otherwise, I would be the one to pack his bags.

There was no need for him to lie to you. That tells me that he feels what he was doing was wrong. Just sit down and tell him that you know he's been lying about talking to her and seeing her & that he needs to figure out his priorities real quick. Don't mention the things you learned on his myspace, but tell him if he's looking to continue his relationship with her he needs to know you don't think it's a good idea. Especially since he's already lied about it.

DON'T let him pull the "you're crazy," "you're imagining things," or "you can't tell me who to be friends with" cards. If he just wanted to be friends with her, he would have introduced her to his wife & his child. Stand up for yourself & don't back down if he tries to turn this around on you.

Is she married? I think if he continues this "risky" behavior he may slip. Keep him honest. He needs to understand this is bringing your marriage a lot of unnecessary stress and he needs to stop with the visits and email/myspace messages/texts whatever.

This was a girl he liked before he was 14, assuming you are the same age. That was a long time ago and it may be just curiosity. He lied because it was easier. You are so young. It does change the situation knowing she is moving back.

I know what you mean about gaining weight. My fience from years ago wanted to see me and I know when he did he wasn't interested because I had gained weight. I think you should do everything you can to loose the extra pounds and get lookin' the way you did before the baby.

I don't know if you should confront him now or not. It could push him away.

You might ask him if his friendship with her is something you need to be concerned about. If not,you could wait and see if he tells you she is moving back. Meanwhile, work on your self confidence. If your weight bothers you then start eating better and working out. You can fight for your man without really fighting (with her I mean). You can work at being the woman he fell in love with in the beginning. It's possible that he just is checking things out with her. Many men do and find out the other women they cared about in the past grew up to be people they don't really like now. I wouldn't freak out just yet. Believe in yourself and your marriage and fix whatever things you think should be fixed. If you like to read there is a book called For Better or For Best by Gary Smalley. It helps women win their man back and teaches them how to get their man to do things with them, not with others.

op-she isn't married , but she has a boyfriend. i confronted her about it before , i march when all this started, and she said she has no interest in my husband, and they are just friends, and she would like to meet me. but i have a hard time believing that since all the times he met up with her while she was visiting were kept from me and they took place when i couldn't have gone with him. i couldnt go when when met her the first time, cause i had our daughter and it was really late. the second time at the movies, he went to the movie with her after he got off of work at 10pm and i was at home with our daughter. and he told me he gave her a ride to a friend of hers house, which is almost an hour away. someone else couldn't have given her a ride there? did he really need to go out of his way like that?

Answer by
Anonymous
at 5:58 PM on Sep. 28, 2009

If you feel bad about your weight gain or other things about yourself change them. It's not always easy, trust me I know that. I'm working on that myself. That said, it DOES NOT give him the excuse to cheat or behave the way he is behaving towards you. He's already cheating with her if he's lying to you and seeing her behind your back. Emotional affairs are still affairs. If he has issues in your relationship he has the responsibly to talk to you about them. You need to confront him about what you've found out. Make sure you don't give him any ultimatums those can backfire.
I wish you luck!