Thursday, July 21, 2005

In a High Fidelity kind of mood

Seeing as how it is my last real day on the job (I will be back in 4 weeks, but only to clear out my office and finish up paperwork), I'm feeling in a rebellious yet thoughtful kind of mood. So, of course, it's time for a bunch of top 5 style lists:

5 people I would most like to have a beer with:

5) Bill Clinton. Love him or hate him, the guy is charismatic. And you just know that whatever he is going to talk about over a beer is going to enthralling. Also, as an added bonus, probably a good chance of swinging by a titty bar afterwards.4) Bill Belichick. Possibly the best combined football strategist and sports economist in the world. Plus, he has an incredibly dry and witty sense of humor when he lets it out. What's not to like?3) Matt Stone & Trey Parker. Probably the most intelligent and clever satirists alive, I'd love to hear them just rip into celebrities and politicians all night.2) Alan Greenspan. I'm gunning for his job the second I get out of grad school, so I'd like to know what he thinks about a whole slew of issues, and steal those opinions for my own.1) Jon Stewart. Runs a great show, and he is funny, self-deprecating, and informative. Like a less cool version of Matt & Trey, but probably with more substance. Also, I've always wanted to go onto his show and be one of those interviewees who tries to play off one of his joke, but fails miserably in every attempt. This would probably be the closest I could get to that.

5 crazy organizations I would like to see disappear from America:

5) The NRA (the National Rifle Association). They are always hemming and hawing over gun rights and screaming out that the 2nd amendment says that "the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed." This is true. My problem is they always leave out the first part of the 2nd amendment, which states that "A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state," is the reason for the second part. So, basically, registering guns, forcing people to have wait periods, proper gun training, and other measures of control on them is actually called for. I mean, hell, the damn thing pretty much says that people ought to be "well-regulation"; seriously, it would be perfectly legal if the government suggested that to own a gun, you had to participate in gun training and militia training one weekend out of every month. Throw in the ambiguity of the word "arms", and I don't think these guys have nearly as much leverage as they think they do. So long as the government still permits swords, then really, the 2nd amendment is being upheld.4) Greenpeace. Now, I'm kind of in the middle over this one, as I think they do a lot of good and that there is a need for vigilance when it comes to protecting the environment. But I also agree with Patrick Moore (one of the founders of Greenpeace back in the day) when he points out that a lot of the environmental groups, including Greenpeace, overstate evidence and manipulate data to support an anti-corporate and anti-globalization agenda. There often is a decided political veil on the issues they attack and will often ignore serious issues that aren't within their framework. For example, their steadfast lobbying against genetically modified crops that were going to be used to ease famine conditions in Africa comes to mind (starving people rejecting food on Greenpeace's advice, causing thousands to starve to death. Great job!).3) The religious right. Don't get me wrong, I hate my share of democratic subsets (what am I saying, the democratic party is just a loose affiliation of singular issue subsets), but the religious right is worse at the moment because they are better organized. Look, I know you all think that the country is going to hell and has lost it's moral compass and is just a bunch of sinners and heathens and blah blah blah blah blah. My response is threefold: a) your religious beliefs, no matter how well intended, have no place in government. Church, State, never the twain shall meet. B) Your ideas on what is right and what is not can be different from other people. Part of being American is having the right to decide how to live our lives, including deciding what is moral and what is not (to an extent). Just because you don't like a video game or a movie or whatever doesn't mean other people shouldn't be allowed to like it. Get over yourselves, and stop being idea fascists. C) I also would respect your opinion on divorce, teenage pregnancy, and sexually transmitted diseases more if the states in your stronghold (that is, the Bible Belt) didn't lead the nation in all those categories, while those states that oppose your ideas (mainly, the northeast corridor) have the lowest rates of it.2) PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). Seriously, fighting for animal rights was the best thing you could come up with when you decided what to do with your life? And not just fight for them, but hold them above helping humans? I don't necessarily have a problem with crazy, just look at my ex-girlfriends, but these people are fucking nutbaggers. They want nobody to own pets (an irony, since most of their donations are from pet owners), the end to medical testing on animals, and the end to using animal products for anything (even though their vice president is a diabetic and live in buildings that use insulation which has animal products in it). I might remotely care what they thought about if they came up with any sort of viable alternatives to the "atrocities" they say we do instead of just bankrolling legal defenses for firebombers (see where the funding for Animal Liberation Front comes from) and running add campaigns comparing Jews in concentration camps to animals in farms.1) The Center for Science and Culture and other "Intelligent Design" hawkers who pretend are so fucking deluded that they think they have a place in biology classrooms. I realize I've covered the whole "Intelligent Design"/Creationism flapdoodle that is going on, but it seriously chaffes my nipples when I even think about these assholes. I'm about ready to take these self-righteous ninnies out back and throttle them with a hose every time they get involved in bringing this garbage before a school board. Screw up your own children, but don't waste our tax dollars and our legislatures' time by muddling an issue that is pretty clearly settled amongst all mainstream and judicious academic organization.