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Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Do Real Men Cry?

John Tesh is an easy target for ridicule because, well, to be blunt, he's a goofball parody of himself. But he is very popular in the Christian community not only as a "musician," and I use that term loosely in his case, but as a relationships "expert."

He also has a blog, and he posted something that showed in my Google blog feeds on all things male -- and it actually makes a good bit of sense.

A few months ago NFL quarterback Brett Favre made it official he's retiring from the Green Bay Packers. As he attempted to thank his team, his coach and the organization, he got caught up in the moment and tears rolled down his face. Favre's reaction created a debate: Do real men cry?

Some men feel it's okay for a guy to cry . . . but only at funerals. Some men argue a male should never cry in public. Yet other men were raised with fathers who told them real men are never afraid to cry.

I asked several male members of our Teshmedia team to admit the times they cry . . . if ever: at weddings especially their own, at the birth of their children, when they proposed to the love of their life and she said yes, when soldiers who died in combat are honored, at the raising of the American flag, at certain films like Braveheart, when looking at scenes from 9/11 and when they sense the presence of God.

According to the blog The Art of Manlinesss, tears can be proof that a man is sensitive, humble and well-rounded. But there is a definite balance between being so sensitive that a Hallmark commercial can make you weep and shed tears over something that is meaningful. If you're in a combat situation and witness one of your best buddies killed by a sniper, you've got to be made of stone not to be touched.

So what does this all have to do with marriage and relationships? Everything! According to marriage expert Gary Smalley, a man who can cry understands intimacy. However, it often takes some life-changing event before they can grasp this truth. Men who have rarely cried will suddenly get in touch with their emotional side when they undergo a divorce.

Does your husband have trouble showing his feelings? Here are seven ways to tell if your man is struggling with opening up:

·He's unable to discuss his feelings.·He's determined to avoid his feelings.·He's unable to express love, sorrow, or pain.·He's unable or unwilling to cry.·He's determined to make all situations into a joke.·He leaves the room when emotional issues are discussed.·He's insensitive to the emotions of those around him.

1 comment:

Hi, William ... There are few things more beautiful to my eye than a man who allows himself full feeling. My husband cries -- easily, naturally, somehow thoughtfully. He cries more willingly than I do ... He calls himself "an old sap" and is comfortable with emotion in a way I've seen in few others -- men or women -- He's got his hardened wounds, of course; his own struggles and repressions.He's worked deeply inside himself to be a man of integry ... and allowing himself to cry from anything that touches his heart can only be a sign of beautiful masculine strength ... Thanks for your thoughtful blogs and all the great material to ponder on!