It might seem like a catch-22–if you are with the perfect woman for you, and you are perfect for her, how can everything in the relationship not be perfect? Well it seems like a catch-22 because it is. Let’s use an analogy to explain this further:

Do you remember the first car you ever bought as a young adult? You worked hard for the money to buy it, you shopped long and hard to find the right car, and unless you were born into a rich family in Beverly Hills, it was probably a total beater. It was old, needed work, and was missing a headlight or two. But how did you feel about that car that you had worked so tirelessly for? That it was perfect, beautiful with all its imperfections and an opportunity to improve it while bettering your abilities as a mechanic. And as you worked on it, it began to run better. You began to better gauge its needs and even how to appropriately react to that shaking feeling it had going over 60 on the freeway.

As crass as it may sound, your romantic relationship should feel the same. She is unique, beautiful in her own quirky ways, and to be with her takes maintenance and work. She might be perfect for you, but that doesn’t mean the relationship will always be easy. A relationship is not just an arrangement in which you both have fun 24/7; it is an opportunity for both members to learn from each other, improve themselves and eventually appropriately gauge each other’s needs. To avoid ruining the relationship with the woman of your dreams, don’t avoid the work. Look for these common mistakes men make in the maintenance process:

1. You believe that you shouldn’t have to change anything about yourself. We are all human and have to adjust to new roles in life. No man or woman ever stays exactly the same in the transition from being single to committed. No one. And don’t let your macho friends tell you otherwise. They are most likely just resentful of the ways they’ve had to change for their partners.

2. You expect us to be perfect. We are, but only in the way that a rose is still beautiful even when a petal is wilted, or a bee lands on it. We reserve the right to express our emotions, freak out and have fears and insecurities. Love requires that you accept them. Perfection isn’t unrealistic expectations; perfection is realism.

3. You stop dating us. Most women are lifetime romantics. Read the reviews from readers of “50 Shades of Gray” or walk into a screening of “Pride and Prejudice” for proof. At no age do you have the option of losing the romantic elements that made us swoon in the beginning. After all, a bouquet costs $9.99 and we know for a fact you can see them from the beer aisle.

4. You downplay our sexual sides. As a general rule, the first year of sex may be very routine but still exciting. We are getting to know what works for each other. However, even after you’ve figured that out, don’t think we aren’t as sexual as you. We want to be seduced, awakened, challenged, excited. In other words: we like sex too, most likely just as much as you do. Work to keep us interested and we’ll do the same for you.

5. You lose confidence in our relationship when we have real problems. The truth is, every relationship will inevitably encounter real problems. We’re not talking about compromising on who does the dishes. We’re talking about the big stuff: financial or legal trouble, boredom, infidelity, etc. If we are the woman of your dreams, then don’t expect the big problems to never come. Expect us to move past it together, because we are worth it to you, and the two of us are strong enough as a couple.

6. You expect us to always be secure. When it comes to other women, a good percentage of girlfriends and wives have at least a tiny bit of insecurity. So even if it is our best friend or sister, never tell us how gorgeous you think she is, be flirty with her or anything else that might hurt our feelings. We might trust you with our lives, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t p*@! us off when you check out other women–especially when they’re our friends.

7. You think the excitement fading is a bad thing. There is a tremendous amount of sexual tension and lust that comes in the beginning of a relationship, which is absolutely exciting because it’s new. As it evolves, that love becomes deeper and that lust becomes passion. Learn to see this as exciting–that old barriers and insecurities are gone and we can connect on a different, deeper level. When the immature excitement of the beginning comes to an end, it’s not a bad thing if the love is strongly founded.

8. You think we’ll never change. Say you fell in love with a successful lawyer. She was strong, confident, fearless. Then one day she decides to quit law and become a horse trainer. You’re once- metropolitan maven is now practically a farmer, knee-deep in manure and full of equestrian observations. Don’t jump to thinking this is a bad change. All people evolve, and the woman of your dreams is no different. Evolve with, grow with and see if this change in her brings out a new side for you to enjoy–for instance ,a happier spouse and the woman you didn’t know was in there all along.

9. You refuse to be vulnerable with us. True love means accepting us through thick and thin. We know you want to protect us, and we love that. But you don’t always have to be brooding, confident or strong. As long as you’re not doing it daily, we actually like when you get emotional, share your fears or even cry.

10. You stop trying to impress us. You know how they say that everyone gains weight after they are married? This is the professional equivalent of that. If you are not doing it for yourself, it’s enough that you constantly try to better yourself in order to impress us. In a successful relationship, each partner works to be the best they can for the other,and the entire world benefits. Conversely, a relationship stops in its tracks when one or both members get lazy and stop trying to better themselves or the world around them. We don’t need you to constantly be trying to get a raise at work. But we do need you to constantly be trying to be a good human, friend and member of society, expanding your compassion, etc. That will not only impress us, it will inspire us. And from there, who knows what you can do together?

The perfect relationship and the woman of your dreams don’t come without effort. The aspect that should always be easy, however, is the ability to share yourself with her. Having fun, learning and loving might always be easy, and even those might have their difficult periods. Much of the relationship will take work, but don’t be intimidated; in the end, If you enjoy the work and never forget why you do it, you will always be happy.