Thursday, September 18, 2008

Too Much Information

Dear goodness. For a twenty minute appointment I feel like my brains melted and started running out of my ears.

I start the Lupron 9/30.

We go back, with our pile of syringes on 9/25 to teach Jenn how to shoot me up.

Stress is bad.

This is a little more expensive than I had planned. (Fees insurance doesn't cover, two orders of swimmers...copays on the druggies, etc.)

I'm stressed.

I may be referred to a high risk doctor.

My last cycle control pill is 10/6.

My period should come a few days later.

When that happens, call them for my first of many ultrasound/bloodwork appointments.

They will tell me then, when to start the Follistim.

When Michelle was talking about stress she asked me what is stressing me. Um, this. She said, so when we get your pregnant the stress will go away? I got teary eyed. No, when I get pregnant I will just become more stressed. What will take my stress away? A baby, breathing, in a crib. I have faith, hope, whatever you want to call it, that I will get pregnant again. It's after the positive test that freaks me out. Will I just kill another one?

I spent the afternoon in a high, knowing we were moving forward again. We went and picked up our new glasses. We used our trial membership at BJ's and found that they have some good deals, and some that Costco totally kicks their butt. The nice thing about BJ's is the accept Visa, where as I have to use my ATM card at Costco, and BJ's accepts coupons, and well, I am the queen of coupons.

Just a little bit ago I sat here reading through the folder that Michelle gave us, and I have begun my panic. It's so much money, which is tight in our house right now. It's not a promise of a baby, breathing, in a crib. It's just another hope. Last week while I was peeing on pee stick after pee stick always getting the same negative answer, I mentioned an Albert Einstein quote to Lyz.

"Insanity:doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Am I insane to try and get pregnant again, and expect to keep it? What makes me think that I will get a different result this time?

Amen Sista! I said the meat of your Albert Einstein quote just today. Hope vs. hopless...I think I am somewhere in between. What a head spinning day for you! Good luck to doing something different and getting different results!- Beth

I had a good friend tell me once that if I wasn't meant to have a child, God wouldn't have placed the desire in my heart. It was what I needed to hear, so I held on to it. The desire to be a mother isn't insanity.

I would always leave my doc's office feeling overwhelmed. I would even go with a pen and paper but still not felt like I 'got it'.

I would like to think that we get closer and closer to what we want with every cycle. I always find it hopeful (and helpful) to try something new, so I hope that it is the same for you. We've been doing the injections for a few days now and they are not too bad. Welcome to the club!

Wanna talk to us?

Email me at heidimingo at gmail dot com

This blog started as a way to share my pregnancy with our friends and families. We've lost our precious Blueberry and Honeydew but refuse to quit. We have so much love to give a child, we will someday hold our baby. We believe in miracles...

About Me

I am a lover of all things tacky. I have a collection of way over 1,000 flamingos, because someone has to love them. I am a dork, and love it! I can hold a grudge like you wouldn't believe, but hate myself for it every minute. I love working in the tourist industry, but you will catch me complaining about the crazy ones, and there are lots of them out there. Most importantly, I am a mother. No, I can't show you pictures of my baby, but I am still a mother.