When I was a child, my mother used to have to give me notice before we went anywhere, and that doesn’t mean just a trip to the doctors or dentist. If we were visiting family, going to the grocery store, or even doing something really fun, like spending the day at an amusement park or beach, she needed to give me a heads up well in advance. Even as a child, who wanted to go to all these fun places, I needed time to process or I’d have a panic attack. It was so bad that, most of the time, I ended up making myself physically sick with worry. It made my childhood really tough, because just the thought of going over to a friend’s house was traumatizing. So, please, stop saying “You’re using your anxiety to get out of going”, because we really would like to go… sometimes we just can’t.

You can be fine one minute, and distraught the next.

I was at a movie theater with my husband, and a scene came on that triggered a childhood memory of an event when I was extremely anxious. Just recalling a memory from years prior made me so anxious that I had to stop focusing on the movie and concentrate on breathing slowly & willing myself not to be sick! It happened so fast that I was completely caught off guard, and it ruined my mood for the rest of the day. You don’t always know when it’s going to happen, and that makes even daily outings a challenge.

Having people downplay the seriousness of anxiety really hurts.

I overheard coworkers chatting about how people can use “anything” nowadays to get out of doing tasks at work, and how they themselves would use anxiety from now on, even though they don’t suffer with it, as an excuse to not have to do certain jobs as well. I was so hurt by this because it’s not something I can just shut off. I know this comment wasn’t directed at me, but when people downplay the seriousness of a disorder that you personally suffer with, it’s going to be taken personally. There’s a huge difference being physically unable to preform a task, and being too lazy to preform a task. Having anxiety doesn’t mean we’re lazy.

The feeling that you’re holding your spouse back is a constant worry.

I’m very lucky to have a supportive, caring, loving husband, who understands that I’m not always going to be able to do certain things, but that doesn’t mean I don’t constantly feel guilty about not being anxiety-free. If I didn’t suffer from anxiety, we’d do a lot more spontaneous outings, travel further from home, go to large events with big crowds, and enjoy things we don’t normally enjoy. I feel guilty a lot of the time that I’m not giving my husband the opportunities to experience everything he wants from life. He wants to spend time with me, and therefore he misses out on a lot. He never complains, but I still wish I could give him more.

Opening up takes time… sometimes LOTS of it.

Don’t get offended if we’ve been friends for years and you still don’t know about my childhood, my fears, or even the color of my kitchen curtains! It takes a lot for anxiety sufferers to open up about anything personal. Everyone has their own degree of comfort. Just because you’ve never been inside my house, been personally invited out to lunch/dinner by me or been given even the smallest hint to the contents of of my mind doesn’t mean we’re not close. Suffers of anxiety are very particular about the people they keep close, so just calling you a friend to begin with means a lot more than you probably realize.

Having control is extremely comforting.

I find that not always knowing when I am going to have an anxiety attack makes me crave control, even over little things. For example, when driving around with my husband, it’s nice to know that I can have control over what music we listen to. If I’m able to decide what we’re listening to, it can be something that I know calms me down, and therefore I’m taking control of putting my mind, body & spirit at ease, which will hopefully result in a less panicked driving experience. Giving that control to someone, even if it’s as simple as allowing them to choose the music, is a very easy solution to a potentially bad outing.

If you think we’re going to be talking on the phone- forget it.

Ring! Ring! [Insert heart attack here] Haha. When did this become such an issue? We talk daily in person, text on occasion… why not talk on the phone? I’ve wracked my brain trying to figure out a way to describe the amount of loathing I feel when my phone rings, or just why I dread it so much, and I can’t. I just hate it, and a lot of people who have anxiety do, too… so we’re not ignoring you! Text us and we’ll get back to you shortly.

Your anxiety makes mine 110% worse!

A friend of mine got a text message, looked at her phone and said sadly, “Oh, no!” I repeatedly asked what was going on while she read her message, but got the held up “wait a second” finger, that translates to “I am going to stand here and read this text message for 10 minutes while you’re struggling to breathe, because obviously someone just died a horrific death and I’m being notified via text!” In sheer panic-heart beating so hard it hurts-having trouble seeing straight anxiety, waiting for you to spill what that text message is about is killing us! Put us out of our misery!! If you’re going to pull that stunt, something serious better be going on because a friends replied, “The Dunkin Donuts on Main Street is closing!” does NOT qualify as a “wait a second” finger moment.

You’re not alone.

Nowadays there are support groups for everything. Finding a supportive group of people has been one of the greatest discoveries for me, an extreme anxiety sufferer, because now I don’t have to explain why I’m feeling the way I do… these groups just understand. Having to not justify why you’re feeling the way you do is so cathartic. These communities will listen to you, help you, guide you & make sure you know you’re not alone. If you’re having issues coping with your anxiety, just need a friendly ear to vent to, or want to make friends with likeminded people, I’d highly suggest researching groups for anxiety suffers. One that I’m apart of is via Facebook & I’ve met so many great people through it! I know that if I need any advice, that someone is there for me. That is a resource more people need to be aware of.

What it is[*]

This bubble clay mask is both a deep-cleansing makeup remover and pore cleanser in one! With its special formulation of charcoal powder, it deeply penetrates the pores to thoroughly get rid of deep-seated dirt while supplying proper nutrients to keep the skin healthy and supple. It not only cleanses, refines and tightens pores but it also helps control excessive sebum which usually causes the pores to be clogged.

How to use

Scoop a proper amount of the Elizavecca Milky Piggy Carbonated Bubble Clay Mask and spread evenly on dry, uncleansed face. Wait for 5 minutes until bubbles start to appear then gently massage it all over the face to melt down dirt. Rinse off with lukewarm water.

LET’S BEGIN!

I followed the instructions on the container, and let me tell you right away that this stuff is IRRITATING. Like, more irritating than getting a tattoo. It itches so badly when it’s on and starting to bubble! I found that if I shut my eyes and tried to relax, the itching was reduced, but only by a fraction.

I found what worked best for me was lightly pressing the bubbles in on my face before I actually started to massage it in. This made everything a lot more manageable and less messy!

It’s also a lot of fun playing around with the foam!

I started rubbing it in on my cheeks first, making small circles, and gradually moved to my chin, forehead and the rest of my face. Here is the result I was left with once I massaged it all in…

MY ONLY ISSUE with this product is that it literally takes so long so wash off! I guess that’s good, though… it might mean that it’s really attached to some of the gross stuff on my face and requires a lot of buffing away for it all to come off? Even with the water very warm, it took about 5 minutes for me to feel comfortable enough to start dabbing my face dry with a hand towel.

RESULTS!

My skin loved this product. I was left with seriously silky & smooth skin! A little redness was left from having to really “buff wash” my face, but it faded within 15 minutes or so. The next day my skin looked radiant, glowy, and really quite pretty without makeup. I could see a huge difference in the texture of my skin after just one use. My pores were decreased in size, and I honestly didn’t feel the need to use a primer with my makeup application the next day. I will be buying this again and will recommend to anyone wanting to try out a new, and fun, face mask!

This gorgeous spring Birchbox was designed by Rifle Paper Co. I can’t even with this box design. So cute!

Today also happens to be my FOUR YEAR anniversary with Birchbox!

Let’s get into the goodies!

So, usually I am not too excited about getting fragrances in subscription boxes, because I feel like perfumes are a very personal choice… this product, unfortunately, was proof that subscription services should let us take a poll of what kind of fragrance we’d like to have if they’re including a scent. Truth? This smells like my grandmother’s house. It’s not revolting or anything like that, but when I smell it I don’t think that it would express a young woman, living a happy, fun life… I think of an old woman, doing crossword puzzles and sipping green tea, or of a shop that sells only incense. I mean, just LOOK at the head notes… This is not a scent I’d ever wear, but I might know someone I can pass it off too. Nothing is ever a total loss!

I was surprisingly happy with these two products! I’d never heard of the Beaver Professional brand before, and my scalp can be really finicky when introducing it to new shampoos & conditioners, so I was pretty certain this would at least give me major dandruff problems. Currently my hair is frizzy, dry and damaged- all of which these products claim to repair, and I honestly believe it! After washing my hair, I used my blow dryer and styled normally. My hair was super soft, shiny, and didn’t feel dry & brittle. This was only after one use. I don’t wash my hair everyday, so I’ve only used these products two times since I’ve had my April box, but I can already tell they are going to be a favorite of mine. I can only describe the scent as clean… I don’t detect any strong notes of coconut or lemon, etc. It’s very nice and simple.

I’d previously seen the Acure brand on Instagram once before, but it wasn’t this product. Happy that I was at least familiar with one of the brands this month, I eagerly tried this sample out first! This scrub is very mild and gentle compared to the Aveeno Apricot scrub I’ve grown up using. I feel like, as with any product such as this, your skin might get worse before it gets better, because it’s cleaning out all of your pores and bacteria. I noticed, after my first use, that the next day I had a small blemish on my chin. It wasn’t anything crazy, but it was a little red and sore. I used the product that night, and the next day I woke up and it was completely gone. My skin is soft, bright, and my pores are hardly noticeable. I’ll definitely be buying this from the Birchbox shop.

This Au Naturals cosmetics mini palette was a very cool addition to the April box, one that I actually chose to have during this months Sample Choice.* Containing a lipstick, blush and shadow in one compact mini palette makes this a great item to throw in your bag on the go! I love that you can use the lipstick as a cream blush as well. The colors look lovely on my fair/medium skin tone. I use the ivory shadow as a brow bone highlight everyday!

Overall, the April Spring Awakening Birchbox was a WIN for me! I was a little bummed that I won’t get any use out of the fragrance, but all the other products make up for that loss. For just $10/month you can not go wrong with this subscription. I have discovered so many of my favorite beauty & lifestyle products through this service, and will continue to look forward to receiving it each and every month.

*Sample Choice is a fairly new perk to Birchbox, where you are able to either choose a sample out of a few to add to your box, or choose a certain box all together with handpicked items! I usually end up choosing a product over a box. If you’re a Birchbox Ace (A VIP program for customers that earn 500 points within a calendar year) you have the very special perk of having FIRST PICK during Sample Choice. This is great because they only have a limited amount of each item or box.

*Disclaimer*

I am not affiliated with Birchbox, nor do they send me boxes for free. I purchase this subscription with my own money every month.

Pinhead– Concerned that his friends aren’t living life to the fullest, and that they aren’t experiencing all the wonderful things life has to offer, Pinhead starts a club for individuals open to trying new things & adventures.

Freddy Krueger– Wants to make sure everyone gets a full 8 hours of rest. Works at the sleep clinic, and stays by the bedsides of patients to hum lullabies.

Michael Myers– Started the local Neighborhood Watch program to keep his townsfolk safe, especially on creepy holidays like Halloween.

Annabelle– Collects and donates toys to the children’s hospital.

Norman Bates– Volunteers at the senior center, and enjoys helping out with their theater group. He mostly aids in costume design…

Buffalo Bill– Has a fondness for skincare and wicker work . Owns a spa that focuses on skin hydration, where he also sells wicker baskets made by local artisans. Precious, Bill’s poodle & companion, is seen frequently lounging by the lotion rack in the lobby.

Hannibal Lecter– Runs the soup kitchen. He will give you a second helping if you can name what’s in the “Mystery Meat” soup dish.

Leprechaun– Soles for Souls founder, Leprechaun, makes fashionable footware for the homeless. You’ll never see a more shiny pair of loafers.

Regan MacNeil– Psychiatrist for children who suffer from unexplained traumas. Especially great with the young teens, who can sometimes make your head spin.

Pennywise– Organizer of the town’s summer carnival. He loves the kids!! You can find him handing out balloons by the lake & overseeing the handmade water boat races. He claims, regardless of the material they’re made from, that they all float.

Sam– Owner of Incognito, the party supply store. Favors Halloween, and makes many of the costumes that adorn the front window display, including the eco-friendly burlap ones. Come on in, grab a lollipop, and find your next disguise.

Chucky– A real good guy, Chucky makes his living working with criminals recently released from police custody, vowing to teach them how to live a crime-free life. Word on the street is he’s engaged to Tiff, who is a local hair & makeup artist.

The Creeper– A bit of a hermit, The Creeper is only seen every 23 years for 23 days. During those 23 days, The Creeper will take anything off your hands that you may no longer need. He also sells homemade comforters & writes a DIY blog on decorating the interior of your home.

Jigsaw– Do you want to play a game? Just say no. There is no game that our Jigsaw can’t win! He has an Etsy shop where he sells homemade games for couples and groups to play together… winner takes all.

Jason– As a camp counselor, Jason vows to keep all his campers safe. He is head of the Junior Safety League, that teaches kids how to survive in extreme situations. (Situations could include, but are not limited to, drowning, beheading, suffocation or simply getting cut by a sharp knife.)

Leatherface– Gardener. Will get your hedges trimmed super fast with his high powered chainsaw! He is currently following a strict facial skincare regime, suggested by Buffalo Bill, and plans to write a book about his experiences with facial deformities and feeling comfortable in his own skin.

Is Anybody there?

Okay, so just writing that scared me shitless. I love anything and everything to do with horror, but there’s just something about Haunted Houses that’s always given me the serious willies!

The next time you’re in your bedroom alone, and it’s pitch black out… say out loud in the darkness, “Hello? Is anyone there?” and try to tell me that you don’t get goosebumps… The feeling like you’re not alone, even though you can’t physically see anyone, is enough to keep you awake for a long time.

When I was little, I lived with my mom in a neighborhood with that one creepy house. It was a dirty white wreck with an unkempt lawn, boards covering the top floor windows, random nails sticking out of its decrepit siding, broken toys on the front lawn… Had I ever seen anyone going in and out of it? Of course not. That’s basically Haunted House 101! It had all the makings of a horror movie, but I’d never truly find out the scoop on that house, because I moved in with my father shortly after I started paying any real attention to it.

Fast forward a couple of years to when I started becoming a rebellious teenager. Living in a new town, with a father who worked constantly and a step mother, whom I didn’t get along with, I spent a lot of my time roaming the neighborhood with the kids on my block, searching for something to keep us entertained. One day, some of the kids I was chummy with and I came across an old white house some streets away from where we usually hung around… a dirty, decrepit white house with broken toys on its front lawn, and I thought to myself, “We meet again“…

The only difference about this house and the one in my old town was that there was a FOR SALE sign on the front lawn. Clearly, someone was trying to get rid of it, but we never saw anyone coming or going from this property either. After a few days of hanging around outside near the property, it became a running dare that someone should go inside the house and check it out… I mean, it looked spooky AF, and surely there were some creepy things in there. No one ever took the leap and went inside… until one dark night in the summer of 2004.

I can’t really remember how I came to be one of the kids who actually went inside the house on that summer night… but alas, there I was, climbing through the open window- following my friends.

There wasn’t anything remarkable about the interior of the home. We only had one flashlight, and each of us had a glow stick from the hobby store down the road, but from what we could make out, it was all pretty barren.

There was nothing on the walls, save for an old photograph of someones rusty pickup truck. The rooms had no furniture. There were no boxes or items left in the cupboards. The only thing that did fill the empty space were the echos of our nervous giggles.

Of course, being 14 & 15 and it being pitch black, we were all easily spooked by whatever anyone said while we were inside.

“Did you hear that?”

“I think I saw something move!”

“Were those footsteps?”

(Those were among the common verbal ‘frights’ we were passing around)

And then, very suddenly, it stopped being funny… at least for me.

It was at the end of one of these sentences… we were all giggling at each other’s silliness and I remember thinking to myself how we were so stupid, that nothing was in this darkness.

I felt it before I saw it.

It was a filling feeling, as if I were being inflated. As if I were a balloon from the hobby store, where we bought our glow sticks, I felt the presence of cold air being rushed through my body. Goosebumps erupted over my entire frame- not one spot left untouched by the feeling of something in me. I was crazy, right? Nothing was there. It was a draft. I must have been under an air duct… the summer breeze came through it and I inhaled at the exact moment it had passed over me.

That is not true.

I knew it was a lie the minute I started telling myself these things, but this is what we do when we’re panicking from the unknown. When we don’t see what it is that’s frightening us, surely it isn’t that frightening after all, right?

But it was.

It was a terror like I’ve never felt before. My friends had stopped giggling about the same time the first scream left my lips. It was a scream that I couldn’t control. I still don’t believe it was me who was in control of it at all, to be honest. I don’t remember telling myself to make that noise- to holler out in terror… but it happened, and they bolted, leaving me inside the white house, all alone.

When real terror hits, I guess your body takes over for your mind, for your mind must be in a state of shock. It is a defense mechanism to protect itself from harm… to be there when your mind can’t.

I am thankful my body had the reaction to force out a scream, for if I had stayed quiet, the boy I’d seen lurking behind my friends might have in fact, stayed put.

It all happened very quickly… too quickly in fact for me to be 100% sure it was a male, but I’ve told myself for 10+ years that it was a boy, so a boy he was.

In movies, you see distinct facial features… you see clothes, movement, maybe even hear the presence speak. My experience was not like that at all.

I saw what I can only describe as light and shadow.

If you asked me to draw what I had seen, it would be on a white sheet of paper with monochromatic tones of just black and white. A dark shadow in the middle, with small reflective surfaces of white light. No face, no features, just a mass of empty light.

So, why did my body have the reaction it did to a simple shadow? Could it have just been a cast of darkness made from the flashlight we held? If so, why, when my mind decided to evacuate my body and my body went into defense mode, did it feel it needed to scare away whatever was near me?

I guess I’ll never know. All I can tell you is that I have never in my life felt such unexplained terror, and have never again felt the same way I did when I was in that white house.

I don’t remember leaving the house, but I obviously got out. The kids I thought were my friends had bailed, and I stopped hanging out with them after that- or maybe they stopped hanging out with me. Either way, we stayed away from each other after that night.

I don’t think about that event often, or the presence that was in the house. Maybe it was a warning for terrible things that could have happened if we’d stuck around and explored more? I was horrified, but perhaps I should have been thankful? I mean, we got out after all… Again, I guess I’ll never know.

I have since moved to a different state, and don’t go back to my old town very often.

The last time I was in the area, I drove by the street that this house was on. The house is no longer there, so it must have been torn down by the people who bought the land.

The only thing that was on it’s abandoned plot of land was a SOLD sign laying flat on the dirt…

I will not be going back there again.

One of my favorite online shops for Halloween/Horror type items is horrordecor.net

This website has everything from candles, (as shown above) pillows, pot holders, magnets and much more! Keep an eye out around holidays, especially Halloween, for they frequently have limited edition items! All these things are handmade, so it can take a bit for your items to get to you, but they’re worth the wait!

Want an inexpensive way to add a creepy touch to your kitchen? Try placing your salt & pepper shakers into a plastic skull! You can find plastic skulls like the one pictured at thrift stores & dollar stores for really cheap!

Here are a few items from their online store that I’d love to decorate my apartment with! (Some of the items I do in fact own!)

You could always spiff up your counter top with these killer (pun intended) knives as well, found on Amazon.com!

Another cheap & easy way to make a DIY wreath- buy one from a thrift store, like Savers, and spray paint it black! Add plastic spiders, snakes… whatever else you find creepy- or just leave it plain. My wreath cost $2.99 and the spray paint I had on hand. A very affordable DIY project that makes a wonderful addition to any creepy home!

*A little added suggestion*

If you see anything with skulls on it, or a skull itself, BUY IT! My apartment is littered with skulls everywhere! It’s become a bit of an obsessive collectors habit of mine!

Also, I raid the Halloween clearance sales at the end of the holiday at all stores that carry any kind of decor! You can get things for 90% off if you know where & when to look! Make friends with the people working at your local shops, and they’ll be sure to tell you the moment the sale will hit their store!

As you can probably guess, I LOVE my DIY projects, most of which can be found on my Pinterest page- pinterest.com/wrtluvonherarms

One of the coolest, and simplest, DIY Halloween type project I’ve found was taking apothecary style jars and adding some creepy decals, stickers, or signage to them to make them spooky! You can find the jars at my favorite places, thrift stores, or your local craft store. As for the labels, I am a huge Etsy fan, and sellers usually have a great variety of labels you can use. If you still want an affordable option, though, raid those clearance sales, see what your friends have laying around from the past holiday… or even check what you already have at home. You may be surprised of the things you have that could work for a Halloween-type project!

I mentioned Etsy above. Here are some of the amazing things I’ve found simply by searching the words Halloween & Horror Decor!

It’s so easy to find amazing Halloween/horror decor year round now, and searching for it is half the fun! As much as the “next great buy” gives me a rush, I also love my DIY projects, and am constantly updating my Pinterest page, so be sure to check out my Halloween Decor board/My Haunted Mansion board for new DIY projects!

Until next time, stay creepy.

When you’re speaking to someone, and another person just JOINS the conversation.

Can you say rude? This is easily one of my biggest pet peeves, and it’s so impolite, even if what the topic is about isn’t a private matter. For those who are about to respond, “If you’re speaking in a public place, though, then it’s a public conversation.”… feel free to go play in traffic.

You’re inside your home, yet you can hear someone’s music crystal clear from inside their own home, or their vehicle.

This makes me want to rip my hair out! My neighbor, who lives downstairs, is constantly blasting her Kelly Clarkson album. I get it, you love her more than anyone else… but “since you’ve been gone” I finally have peace… stay gone! As for those who are waiting in my parking lot to pick up someone, your “Shake that ass to the floor, drop yo’ pants, show me dem’ titties” shit is not impressing anyone… turn that shit down.

Diet crazes.

Beachbody, Shakeology, 21 Day Fix, South Beach Diet, Atkins, The Zone, Caveman Diet, Juice Fasts… Regardless of what it is, and how many I’ve tried, I am sick of hearing about everyone else doing them and having wonderful success. I get it, the first few hundred people- I am happy for, you did it! I am over it now, though, and my big ass hates you.

Dry, cracked lips.

Waking up in the morning to find your mouth completely dried out, and you go to yawn- *SPLIT* your mouth just tore in half! The agony. You can’t even enjoy your orange juice now without your lips feeling like you just kissed Satan’s tender touch hole. What a horrible way to start the day. Keep them babies hydrated!

When someone is telling you how to do your job… when THEY are NEW!

Okay, so, I am all for people trying to help each other out, but when I’ve worked at my job for years I am going to preform said job the way I was trained to do it. You have to realize that surely not everyone trains the same, and my methods may be a tad different from yours based on whoever/whomever trained YOU, but if they yield the same results, who cares? If you’ve just started your position and think you know more about my job than I do, think again… your opinions are ill-mannered and not needed or respected.

Paper cuts.

Similar to dry, cracked lips in that it hurts like HELL, these little devils are the worst kind of torture, especially in an office related job. I sit at a computer all day and basically push those papers… so getting a paper cut is the absolute worst.

Burning your tongue!

Impatient actions get us all at times, but when you can’t wait those couple of minutes for your pizza to cool down, and you go in for what promises to be the tastiest thing you’ve ever experienced in your life only to be gifted with a mouth melting reality of sadness… well, perhaps next time you’ll wait, fatty. Haha!

When people don’t know how to pick up their feet when they walk, or chew with their mouths closed.

These are so insignificant, I know, but we all have things that irritate us to no end. PICK UP YOUR CROCS AND SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE!

Waiting in the Drive-Thru forever.

Key words: FAST FOOD. There is nothing fast about waiting twenty minutes for you to ultimately mess up my order, forcing you to remake it. Pick up the pace & work on your quality.

Using the public restroom and there’s piss all over the seat!

I didn’t wake up this morning having it in my head that I’d be required to touch anyone else’s bodily fluids… I don’t have that kind of job, and I wouldn’t ever agree to such a thing anyway. When I have to go, I have to go, and I don’t want to have to waste my time cleaning up your piddle while I am bursting at the seams. Clean up after yourself, pig!

People who live off gov’t aid, yet constantly have their hair & nails done and are better dressed than I am.

I get it… sometimes, we all need a little help. Gov’t aid is not for personal spending habits, though, and I am sick of busting my ass 40 hours+ every week to have a portion of my money come out of my hard earned check and have it go to “aid” these peoples beauty habits. My nails are chipped, my hair is dull and my clothes are frayed, but I earn what I have and that money should be mine if it’s not being used properly anyway.

SPOILERS!

You loved that new movie? The season finale of your show was crazy? SPOILER ALERT– I DON’T WANT TO FUCKING HEAR IT! Not everyone had the luxury of being able to stay up all hours of the night to catch these shows/movies, so don’t ruin it for everyone else!

FAKE politeness.

I know you don’t like me. I know you talk shit about me behind my back. Woman/Man up and be real! If you don’t like me, I could care less, so don’t pretend you’re Princess Diana, and tell me like it fucking IS. Love, Me.

Never ending stories.

Your weekend plans fascinate me, they really do, but don’t talk my ear off for a half hour about how you’re going to get your colon cleansed or how you’re getting your chin waxed. I don’t need to know.

When the boss doesn’t let you leave on time or when everyone else leaves.

Elvis already left the building? Everyone else can leave 5 minutes early, but you are forced to stay? No. See ya later!

OLD PEOPLE and their denture cream!

People age… they lose their teeth… they get dentures. That’s all well and good. What drives me insane is when they overuse their denture cream! They smack it around their mouths, it pools in the corners of their lips, and makes horrible noises when they speak. Just kill me now.

When people wear band t-shirts for “fashion” and NOT because they like the band.

When I compliment someones t-shirt, for it represents a band that I love, and they have no clue who the band is, they simply bought the shirt because it looked cool or because everyone else was wearing it… [INSERT MAJOR FLIP OUT HERE]

That diarrhea exists…

LOL, I just had to add this. Everybody poops, okay? In all seriousness, if we’re putting stuff in our bodies that isn’t good for us, wouldn’t a better solution to that problem be to add a button that could like… Compress all the gross stuff into a tiny cube (like a trash compressor) that we could depose of cleanly and without issue? Instead, the creator of our bodies thought it’d be a real hoot to watch us run to the bathroom with our cheeks squeezed together, praying for a miracle, all the while having excruciating belly pains, and then to have lava erupt from our balloon knots? That’s just uncalled for, dude.

*I WILL FOREVER BE ADDING TO THIS LIST. CHECK BACK FOR ADDITIONS, AND ADD YOUR OWN IN THE COMMENTS SECTION!*

Derry, Maine… A town that in reality doesn’t exist, but in my mind, is very real.

I was 23 when I read this book thoroughly for the first time. Picking it up as a child, I never really understood it, didn’t pay attention/retain what I was reading, and was clearly not old enough at the time to be able to appreciate the magnificence that I’d held in my hands.

Fast forward many years, as I am strolling through my bookstore’s horror section, and I think to myself after spotting IT, “Why don’t you pick up a copy of this sometime and give it another go? You don’t remember any of it, as far as the novel is concerned… [obv. you loved the movie.] It will probably be better now that you’re older.

Since that day when I strolled out of the bookstore, new purchase in hand, I can say that my life has changed, and definitely for the better.

Quick recap of the plot… A group of friends, as children, come together to fight an evil “creature” (a.k.a. PENNYWISE the clown) that prays on children, in their town- Derry. After fighting, they are under the impression that they defeated this creature, so it comes as a surprise when much later into adulthood they’re contacted and told to come back to Derry, because the clown is back and killing kids! Now, as adults, the group comes back together to finish Pennywise for good!

*I’d also like to add here, that as much as I enjoy the movie, the book is a lot better than the film adaptation, as is usually the case.*

I think one of the reasons I enjoyed this much better as an adult is that I was able to look back at my own childhood and actually relate to the characters in both their child & adult forms.

The group of kids assembled in this novel are easily related to, I am sure… A little something for everyone, if you will. You’ve got mostly loner/loser types:

Beverly- A girl from a poor family- abused by her father verbally & physically. She learns to stand up for herself later in life, but with all her daddy issues- lives an adult life basically ruled under controlling men.

Bill- A brave, yet quiet, boy with a stutter. I would call him a bit depressed, because his younger brother, Georgie, was brutally murdered. He is what you would call the “leader” of the group. People know they can trust his opinions, and they’ll follow him anywhere.

Eddie- Scared, timid, afraid of everything- especially all the bad things that could happen. Eddie is a boy who is taught by his mother all the horrible outcomes that life can bring, and therefore is afraid to truly live, that is until he’s found this group of friends, with who he can finally flourish.

Mike- Is the one who eventually brings the group back together to defeat Pennywise. He’s the only one who stayed in town after all the other kids left. As a child, he is teased terribly by the main bully in the book because of their dad’s personal history together. He’s a black boy in mostly white town.

Stanley- Reserved, nice, and the boy scout of the group- he tags along and doesn’t play a huge part in the end of the book, for sometimes our demons go deeper than even we ourselves are aware.

Ben- Super smart, bullied for being overweight (easily my favorite character in the book) is a kind, gentle boy who is in love with Beverly. He finds his way into the group on a day he’s been attacked by the main bully, Henry Bowers. He, too, is brave when it counts and stands up for his friends.

Richie- The joker. Lives for the laugh. He brings comedic relief to many situations in the book that needed a little brightening up. I feel like he’s the heart of the group, bringing smiles and laughter during their darkest moments.

I can find something in common with each and every one of these characters now… and as a child, I don’t think I would have been able to understand just how much I related myself to them, because I had yet to go though many of the things I eventually endured a little later in life.

Even though those are the main characters of the group that defeated Pennywise, I have to mention Henry Bowers…

This, aside from Pennywise, is the main antagonist of IT. Henry Bowers. This kid has had a tough life- his father is an alcoholic who is also a psychopath. He only rewards Henry when he does something that in truth, isn’t so great. Henry feels like he needs to prove that he’s a “badass” to his father to gain approval, but unfortunately for Henry, he never gets the love he’s craving. Henry later murders his father, and doesn’t give a second thought about it. His love of bullying the kids of this novel isn’t something that goes into much detail in the movie adaptation, but you find out when reading the novel that Henry’s father has a past with Mike’s dad, and it’s basically hate by association. Henry vows to make Mike’s life as miserable as possible to get revenge for his father, and when he sees Mike with the rest of the group of kids, it basically makes them all more of a target than they were to begin with.

I knew many bullies as a child, and even some now as an adult, but never have I encountered anyone quite as bad as Bowers. He has no remorse for killing people, for torturing animals… he clearly needed to be locked away long before he actually was. As horrible as this kid is, he’s one of the reasons why this book is so interested and addicting to read… you don’t want him to do horrible things to the other kids, but then again… a sick, twisted part of you eventually does want to see what he’s capable of, and he sure as hell is willing to show you!

So, you’ve got a group of kids being hounded not only by a horrible local bully, but by a monster lurking behind every corner, and a town of people who couldn’t seem like they’re more oblivious to the fact that something weird is going on. People looking the other way when the bad things happen… no witnesses to the crimes… this town is MESSED UP! Major points for lure factor, though. I pick up this book wanting to be back there… to be back in Derry, Maine. I guess the only way I can explain it is to have you imagine a train crash. As awful of an event as that would be to see, when it does happen- you can’t look away. Some part of you is telling you to watch, to experience, to behold all the things you may never again encounter in your entire life. Call me sick and demented, but I want to be in Derry with all that craziness! Any horror movie I have ever watched, any villain I have ever read about- there’s always a point when I want to know first hand what it was like for the characters experiencing that moment. I want to feel their fear. I want to feel my own heart beating so fast because I know, certainly, that I am about to die. OKAY. MORBID, but you understand, right? Haha!

Let’s discuss IT’s “Nightmare Factor”… what I mean by this is how badly does this book/movie mess you up mentally? For me, that’s A LOT… and I love every horrible second of it.

It’s one of those things that keeps you coming back to a book such as this one. The moment when a book makes you afraid to go to the bathroom alone, when you find yourself peering over the cover and looking at your closet door sure that you just heard a tapping sound… when you read the line, “Want a balloon?” and out of the corner of your eye you spot a bright colored pillow, mistaking it for that balloon, and chuck the book across the room at it! THOSE moments are what I live for. The pure adrenaline that courses through the veins; it’s euphoric.

Is that, perhaps, why I can’t escape Derry… why I keep coming back for more? I’d say a big reason is experiencing something that I don’t think I’ll ever experience in my life. A life of terror, of fighting something so awful that even my wild imagination couldn’t conjure an image of what that could be. As much as it’d be terrible to be surrounded by murder, by evil entities, by loss… it’s a fate that someone in this world is enduring right now. Maybe this book is a lot more realistic to some than we even realize.

Could this book be a metaphor for something else? The monster, Pennywise, being a parental figure, or another authority type, trying to rule our lives in the worst way possible, and us attempting to overcome them- to follow our own paths? The growing up of adolescents when, as children, we believe that there are monsters under our beds, and then as adults we find that maybe we were the monsters all along? The only monsters that exist in the world are other humans, disguised as something that they’re not, to lure us to our ultimate demise? I guess there are many ways to interpret this book…

In the end, I don’t think there is any way to explain the truth that a little part of us all wants to experience something completely and utterly morbid. This is just a safe way to do it. Like watching through a window, not actively participating in the bad things, just witnessing it. Why do we crave horror? Why can’t we look away from a scene of an accident? I am willing to bet that Mr. King knows that there are many more people in the world, like himself, that want to look, and are not afraid to do so.

I don’t think I’ll leave Derry anytime soon. I am not done with Pennywise, yet… that battle for me will always be there to relive, fight, conquer over and over again. When times are tough in my own life, it’s nice to remember that even if in an alternate dimension, someone’s life is much harder than my own, and a lot more bloody.