About Me

Friday, November 30, 2007

I locked myself in the bathroom for an hour, scrubbing and scrubbing away. My sister was knocking hard on the door, yelling at me to get out of there.I simply ignored her. It was common practise that we all took a shower each night before going to bed, so what was her problem? Well, I was not going to jump into bed after the shower because I had plans for the night.I heaved a sigh of relief when my skin tingled. I was as clean as a whistle. I just had to get rid of the day sweat. It had been a long day.

I came out of the bathroom and managed to escape my sister's scornful look.It was none of her business. Fine, I took too long but I needed to be all clean and sweet swelling. I had a date with my Boo.I looked through my closet and nothing of interest caught my eyes, then I went towards my mum's room. There was sure to be something pretty and significant there. It took me just two minutes to find it. Whao!!! It was the white Fulani attire that my aunt had brought for us from Sokoto. The multicolored blouse was just perfect with the white woolen wrapper. The blouse was short, midriff lenght and the wrapper was long, though low riding on the hips. It was perfect for my outing.

I dusted my mum's talcum powder all over and wore the Fulani get-up. My aunt had taught us how to tie the wrapper on her last visit.I glanced at myself in the mirror and grinned. He would be knocked off his rockers. I grabbed a string of beads and wound it around my head. Another one went around my neck. There was something missing. Oh Ok! Make-Up!! I did a little magic and there I was, fully made up like a Fulani chick. I wish I had a calabash, that would complete the picture.

I catwalked into the living room in my flat Fulani slippers.Pa had some guests and they were engrossed in whatever they were discussing. I announced to Pa that I was going out but he paid me no mind so I shrugged, turned sharply and headed towards the front door. Something must have registered at the last minute because he suddenly called my name.I stopped, I was just about to close the doors behind me. I heaved a long-suffering sigh.

I walked towards him and all conversations stopped abruptly. '' Now where in the world are you going, young lady'' Pa asked. ''....but I told you before'' I started but stopped at his frown. I rolled my eyes. '' I am going to see my boyfriend'' I announced again, making sure to raise my voice this time. Pa looked astounded and one of the gentlemen roared with laughter and I rolled my eyes at him. Hiss. What was the big deal about that? I glanced at Pa, he was smiling. He nodded and I turned and catwalked out. I paused when I heard the laughter. Surely they were not laughing at me?

I walked towards Boo's house. He lived just down the street. His mum was outside, rocking a baby. I greeted her and asked for Boo.She called him. My heart raced when I saw his lovely face again. It had just been hours that we last saw each other but to me it felt like days. Boo came to an abrupt halt when he saw me,then he turned and hightailed it away like I was the plague or the ten commandments. Like I was a masquerade or something.Tears pooled in my eyes but I was not going to give up without a fight. I wiped my face clean of the tears, then I started yelling so loud the baby threw a fit.

''Boo, whether you like it or not, I am your girlfriend. If you like, run away, do you hear? I told you this morning and I am telling you right now. I will tell you tomorrow o ehn ehn. You better listen now o. I will tell everybody o, okay.''

I didnt even bother to talk to his mum, I just walked back to my house with tears streaming down my face. Pa was still right where I left him and his friends. He stopped talking when he saw how upset I was.'' what happened?'' he demanded''Boo ran away'' I explained between hiccups. Everybody went ''Aaaaaaawwwwwwwwww''''Dont mind him, Princess. He was just scared. He will apologise tomorrow.You will see'' Pa assured me. I nodded and went to my parents' room then the laughter started again. Now what in the world was so funny?

My mind drifted as I planned on making Boo crawl on his knees tomorrow at the kindegarten school. Why in the world was he scared of me? He was older than me if anything, taller and quite bigger. He was six years old and I was just crawling up to five. maybe all I needed to do now was to kiss him when we get to the playing pen. That would scare all the other girls away. I loved Boo with all my heart and I had told my kindergarten teacher as much. He was mine and I had every intention to posses him. Tomorrow, I would go and play with his baby sister. Or did he want me to be five or six years old before letting the world know of our love? Why was Pa's friend laughing like that? Was it my fulani dress or my beads? Neways I was looking forward to seeing Boo tomorrow.

Monday, November 26, 2007

I woke up two days ago feeling like I was floating on a cushion of light textured clouds. I enforced a one week vacation on my honourable self two weeks ago. The holy book became a constant companion in my sojourn to find the real me. I was like a dry fountain thirsty for the dancing rivers. My heart was opened, my mind was laid bare and I was able to dance to the rhythm of my ancestors.

I wouldnt call it the bata beat because that would indicate the herald of Shango, the thunder king and I am a great respecter of tradition. That would be taking it too far. It was an ancient rhythm, one I have longed for, for months. The call of nature, my wildest dream.

I woke up feeling strange. my body was relaxed, my mind was clear and I could almost hear my heart ticking away. I paused, not sure if I had woken up in my own body. I looked around and it was that curvaceous body. It was Yayi's body. I threw my head back and laughed. It was a sound that would make heavenly maidens dance in their mothers' wombs. It was a laughter filled with a woman's confidence.

I could feel the butterflies!!!! They floated in hundreds, cold yet hot.

I answerd to the call of nature for in my belly was a fierce passion yearning for be fulfilled.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Quick question. Is there any reason for a woman not to feel like a woman? I mean even at late twenties knocking on the big three oh? For the past four months I have been numb. Physically and emotionally numb. Well the emotional part has been going on for sometime but the physical aspect reared its ugly head about four months ago. I thought it was a passing phase maybe an hormonal issue but I am begininig to think that it is more than that, I am having some serious thoughts that it might be a problem with a capital P.

I love watching old romantic movies. They do something to my inner spirit. Lately, I have found myself hissing at the screen kisses even fast forwarding the scene just to get away from the annoying part. I can not put up with Nigerian love stories especially the ones with titles like Love Will Kill Me, Real Love, I Will Die For Love, Love Is Trouble, To Love You Is To Die. Neways I am just messing around. I saw Real Love, it was good but should have ended with the first part.

Back to my non-woman state. I seem to dread any kind of physical touch nowadays and believe me it is not PMS, it is a cry for help. I guess women generally have that time when the hormones are dancin to the call of nature even if they are not gonna do anything about it, they still feel it. That nurturing feeling. That warm feeling that makes you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, Agbani should go and siddon. I used to feel like that too at least a whole week in a month. I used to go around with a secret smile, swaying my waist as if I have some jigida on and throwing my legs out in a stalk. You could call it a predator's stalk. This is the time that the womanly charm comes out in full force and woe betide any man at the receiving end. A woman would purr like a cat and would desist from all nagging activities even if its gonna be for a week but alas I do not even have that one week anymore. I dont have that feeling again. Could I be turning into a man?

I want to believe that even men have their ''blues'', I think they call it ''agros''.So what in the world is wrong with Yayi? I visited my gyneacologist last week. Dear Dr R, she said it could be pyschological and as if I would allow myself to be examined by a shrink, Heck No. God Forbid!!! The way I yelled No ehhn the woman nearly left her skin behind. In this foreign land where you would be transferred from one doctor to another all in the name of pychoanalysis, abeg o,I no do. Dr R suggested hormonal treatment and I declined. Patapata I will go to Naija and look for correct herbs. Maybe some fresh ginger tea, organic to be precise and something to rejuvenate my memory. I have a strong feeling its deeply rooted in my memory. Once I remember the feeling then I should be fine.

I am not crazy. I dont think I am neways. I announced to the folks last week after the doctor's visit that I was gonna go anti-male.I didnt tell them the real reason, I would never admit to Pa not even when I am a grandmother that I know about the real stuffs. Never!! So I told the folks that I was going anti-male and nobody and I mean nobody should try to hook me up again. I am not a fire bleching masquerade so if the guys are not smart enough to take the initiative and discover Yayi then they are not good enough for me. I told my mum that if the boy from the church, the pastor's brother should come near me again that I would spit in his face and not ordinary spit, it would be some thick and nasty phelgm. She was shocked. Well, I don talk my own. Its like a raging war within me. Shit!!!!