SANDRA TEARS BUSH WOMEN A NEW ONE

If you couldn’t make the trip to New York’s Daryl Roth Theater to check out Sandra Bernhard’s latest show, “Everything Bad and Beautiful,” don’t fret. A live album, recorded May 23-24, was recently released ($16.99, Breaking Records Music). It’s a must-have for any Bernhard fan.

Out of the 21 tracks, the album’s fourth “Kerry/Laura Bush/Lynn Cheney” is by far the most memorable. Still reeling from the 2004 election, Sandra catches up with the women caught in the political spotlight. Bernhard goes off on a scathing rant about our current first lady. During the dawn of her second term, Laura Bush busted out marching into New York City like a “grand diva goddess bitch.” Hanging out with Oscar de la Renta in his atelier, breezing through Christos’ “Gates” in Central Park, taking in fine dining and the museums.

The rest of Bernhard’s tirade is exquisite.

“I said, “‘Hold on a minute, sister. You take those two tube-top-wearing, taquito-munching, beer-and-tequila swizzling, Texas Longhorn-hooking daughters and beat it. You are not welcome in our fair city where you pass judgment. You cannot have it both ways. Go back to your people. Listen to Christian broadcast and enjoy a casserole.’

“I cannot believe this woman is as stupid as she pretends to be. Never has a woman brought less to the table than our present woman. She is unbelievable. Forget Eleanor Roosevelt or Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy, who brought in Pablo Casals to play in the White House with her gorgeous husband wearing Halston. It was O.T.T. glamour. Pat Nixon in a good cloth coat brought more to the picnic than this broad.”

And from there, it only gets better. Especially when Bernhard demands to see the Bush twins’ gynecological records.