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Thursday, July 8, 2010

Nowadays the nights are the most difficult time to go through, often I am finding myself close within my doubts and pushing Justyna also for this deep sea of endless doubts, this sea often takes a size of an Ocean with our salted tears. It is in the night in the bed, just about to shut another day where we submerged in a sadness and bitter atmosphere. Only the sleep would sweep apart the dark nights until the next morning.

When I moved into this house the main concern were the stairs, we were scare of Olivia would fall down in the stairs but nowadays the concern it still the stairs but the object it is me, often when I am tired I battle to climb the harmless stairs. It was a different life, for sure from other Helder when he marked 3m 52 sec in the 1500 meters and 1m 51s in the 800 meters in the athletics track, This it was 20 years ago but looks even more distant in the time.

Today Justyna went with Olivia and the friends Gosia and Romek to visit town, myself I took advantage to stay at home, to rest and to read a book, I am still reading a book from Orhan Pamuk, the My name is red, Just now it starts to be more interesting, I hope I can finish soon, It is about a murder among the master miniaturist, I am looking here for some inspiration for my works in the canvas.

But after a while alone at home I was boring so then I picked up another book, this about how to mix colours and I went to a small garden close to my home, I was alone in the beginning but later on an unexpected company come and sat in my legs, This incredible event happen several times, I was astonished with her persistence but also I could not control the emotions and joy for that moment, A beautiful butterfly surrounded me for at least 2 hours, flying away and coming back to me repeatedly during the time that I was also sat down in that marvellous bench, reading and waiting for Justyna. I am convinced that angel shaped as an insect wanted to tell me some important message, unfortunately that I could not entirely understand, But for sure it was something about peace and love, For a long time I left everything and only focus in the gracious animal.

I was never interested to be a scout, but my interpretation of Life is at moment having a lot of resemblances with them, They search even if more for obligation than for conviction to practise a good action for a day, but unlike, Myself with my selfishness, pursuits a happy moment for a day. And the butterfly gave me all that today.