32 I TALK TO THE END OF THE WORLD DEAR _ In our July "literary" issue we want to run the results of this sex survey, the answers to this questionnaire which we're sending to one hundred or so of you sexy, well-known authors Don't be outraged by it, just be amused and friendly and cooperative. Maybe you won't want to answer all of the questions but please don't neglect Question # 11, which I thought up myself. . . Thanks. RUST We hope you'll sign this for us, but will understand if you don't. . . 1. When did you lose your virginity? 2. What were the circumstances? 3. What are your sexua] fantasies? 4. How many times do you have orgasm during a week? 5. How does your sexual activity affect your productivity as a writer? 6. Do you find yourself using your sexual fantasies in your work? 7. What sort of sadistic or masochistic behavior have you engaged in? 8. How do the pleasures of sex compare to those of writing and reading? 9. Under what circumstances have you ever succumbed to the advances of an admirer? 10. In what countries do you think writers have healthier sex lives than in America? 11. In which section of this country have you had the most success sexually? 12. What do vou think is the sexiest scene in literature? 13. What fellow writer do you find the sexiest, either in person or in his or her work? 14. Do you feel most sexually aroused before, during or after writing? 15. What's the best place you ever had sex? -Letter and questionnaire sent by the editor of "Esquire" to a famous and sexy wrzter, but not this one. I DON'T know how you see the short, strapless red dress with a tight, End of the World in your mind's almost corseted waist and an amazing eye, but I see it as a very pretty girl bodice, comes up and says, "Hi, I'm who comes up and says, "Hi, are you Lina. May I see your letterr" Since this _ ?," reading off my name from a conforms to a sadomasochistic fantasy three-by-five file card, mispronouncing of mine (Question 7) which has always it slightly, and then says, "Lina needs resulted in increased productivity for you to fill out this survey." While I try me as a writer (Question 5) because I to decide if I know any Linas, another like to use these motifs in my work girl, this one astonishingly pretty, in a (Question 6), I am really pleased. I t I' ( I . J \/'t. \ Ingrate MAY 28,1990 know what to do. I act clumsy and out of it. "What letter r" I ask. "The letter we sent you," Lina says. "I can't let you fill out the form unless you received a letter." "But I . . ." Then I look down, and there is a letter in my lap. "We need for you to tell us, 'When did you lose your virginityr'" Lina says. I think about my virginity. I look down at the letter. It's from Esquire, of course. Always, the letter comes from Esquire. They have been working me over for years. "You're not responding," Lina says. But I am, I am, I think. My mind remembers my virginity, which was closely tied up with an Esquire pinup of a girl in a sheer plastic raincoat. She was so pretty! She was naked! Was there a little duck sitting in a mud puddle looking up at herr Was I, in many ways, like that duckr Was there a caption-"AII Wet"? What is the role of Esquire in modern life, anywayr Lina is standing over me. Suddenly one red fingernail is pulled down my cheek. "Hey, that hurts!" I say. "We need you to tell us, 'When did you lose your virginityr' " Lina says. She is writing on my cheek with her fingernail. "Honey, your skin is dry," she says. She has made a big "V" for "virgin" on my left cheek. Suddenly I know that this is the End of the World, not a dream. I feel the big "V" on my cheek, like a badge of some kind. "That's it," she says. "Just be friendly and coöperative." "It was a moonlit night. I was fif- teen," I tell her. She writes that down. Is she an automaton If I told her, "One night on Mars, I was six," would she write that downr I keep going: "It was a subdebutante party at the house of the richest family in town. We didn't know them socially, but Marcelle, their daughter, had been taking French classes at our local high school." "Whoa, big boy," Lina says. N ow a man comes out. He is a big blond guy. Lina doesn't bother to ac- knowledge him, but I do. "Hi," I say. Lina turns to the questionnaire. "In Question Number Two, we need to know, 'What were the circum- stancesr' " she says.