Confessions of a Shy Child

My knowledge of Jesus has always been present with me. I have always loved Him and prayed to Him. I attribute that to the fact that Mother lived her faith at home and prayed one hour every day, out loud. I do not recall any time in my life that I did not know that Jesus was my Savior; I do not recall a time in my life that I did not pray to Jesus.

How then did it happen that at the age of 13 I had a dream in which I was made aware that something may not be complete?

In my dream I was in a room, that appeared to be made of Plexiglas. I was told by someone, whom I could not see, that I was required to wait in that room to see if God felt that He could let me and my father into Heaven.

The dream disturbed me, so I awakened my mother and recounted my dream to her. She told me, after hearing my dream experience, that I should go to the upcoming revival and that I should go to the altar to be saved.

Shy, shy me! How could I ever go anywhere in front of people? I was so shy that I could not speak up in class even when I knew the answers. As a younger child I stood in the corner in the class room because I did not want to be seen.

I did go to the Revival Meeting and as I sat in the back of the congregation, on the back row, I felt compelled to respond to the Altar Call. "Behold, I stand at the door and knock, if anyone hears My voice and opens the door for Me, I will come in and eat with him and he with Me." Revelation 3:20

The Minister explained that in Eastern Countries of that time, when Jesus was on earth, that there was no door knob on the door; the door had a latch string that allowed the door to be opened from the inside only.

As I sat there I envisioned myself going to the door of my heart and opening the door for Jesus to come in; He did! After that I was able to walk the aisle to the Altar because I felt Jesus walking beside me.

Knelling there I realized that I did not need to ask Him to "save" me, I did not need to confess my sins and beg Him to accept me, because He had already received me and had already taken residence in my heart.

I have not doubted my salvation over all these following years, even with the troubles and tragedies that have been my experience. I have had to hold on to Him tightly, not to keep my relationship with Him, but rather to get through the occurrences that have been the substance my life.

Just as He promises, He has always been with me and I have known His Presence by my side, just as it was when I first opened the door for Him to enter into my heart; on the night when He and I walked to the Altar together.

I recognize that God is always present with me. I am aware that I never think a thought of which He is unaware. My faith colors every detail of my life.

Jesus has allowed This Shy Child to preach and teach His Word. He has permitted me to take His Word into prisons and into the streets; I have been both a choir member and a soloist. Jesus is bold! He is bold because He has a life giving message and He burns that message into my heart and I cannot but speak out.

But consider this with me, if you will please: IF I have always believed in Jesus and have always prayed to Him, then why did He need to warn me that "something" may not be complete? Further too, what is the "something else?"

The answer is that while we may believe in Jesus, we may know that He is, we may even love Who He is, and pray to Him, the fact is that He requires of each of us to make a one on One contact with Him wherein we personally invite Him into our own hearts, telling Him that we need Him as our Savior and that we invite Him to enter our hearts to live with us forever.

Jesus is standing there now just outside your heart's door; He has been there a long time. No matter what our sins may have been, or what they are currently, His hand is outstretched still and He is more than overjoyed to make His home with us in our heart.

There is only one of you. There is only one of me. Jesus wants each of us to come to Him as if there was no other person on earth, because there is no duplicate person of you or of me.

Jesus is a One on one God-Man standing just outside the door of your heart. Won't you open the door? Now is the right time. Don't wait; where you are now is a perfect place.

Ramona: 07/20/2013

Ramona, Master in Ministry Arts, BA in Biblical Studies, I am an Ordained Minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.