Me... I guess I'll start with the important stuff: it pains me that I had to put "u" instead of "you" (Apparently, The Man gets to decide how many characters I'm allowed to have in my own damn name now! What, my foreskin and taxes weren't enough for you?), I'm a liberal, I have a penis (Well, most of one, anyways. I didn't ask for it; it's just there. Somehow, despite all of our differences, we make it work. A healthy relationship is all about compromise, isn't it?), my favorite shape is a triangle (Although, circles are a close second.), and I must enjoy a good dose of procrastination because I do it quite often. I drag my feet more than a chair! Hi-oh! Rimshot! Other standard responses to not-so-funny jokes! Yeah, so... If you are looking for a guy that enjoys the feel of an overpriced suit caressing his body, pleasures himself while thinking of money, or likes to party hardy (Are the young 'uns still using that phrase?); I'm probably not him. But, anyway...

In my spare time I enjoy listening to music, reading, writing, arithmetic (Not really, but I didn't want to leave the poor fella hanging like Mr. Cooper after I included his friends. Was that a good show or was that a good show?!), watching movies or T.V. or other things that are watchable, partaking in sporting events (Obvious favorite being reindeer games.), and other non-distinct things. Not really all that different from most folks, I suppose. I don't really know what to tell you; I'm a pretty boring guy.

First Date

Oh, boy. So many options, so little first dates! Well, one, I guess, but still. Anyways...

We could go to a mall, or some other public place, and cause a scene with our lovers' spat. Example: "You slept with my brother?! What?! You tell me this HERE?! Here, really?! No! No, I won't calm down! Hell, why stop there, why not my dad and the f***ing family dog, too?! I can't believe this shit!"

We could visit any of the numerous area churches as a young couple in turmoil. Example: "We want to wait until marriage, Father, but we are not sure we can fight the temptation. I mean, look at her. Seriously, honey, stand up, do a twirl or something. How am I supposed to NOT get frothy at the mouth with lust when THIS *head motion in general direction to, well, you* is all up in HERE *waving hand in front of face motion* everyday?!"

Well, for this one, we are going to have to put in some prep time prior. What we need: Moon Boots, Tang!, and food paste. What would help with the ambience, but isn't necessary: A stuffed-animal monkey or three, silver-ish/white-ish/gray-ish outfits, a flag, and walkie-talkies. Now, once we have gathered those things, we can bebop on down to a local park, or wherever our little hearts desire, and have an out-of-this-world picnic!

We could try to get our hands on some Smokey the bear costumes (No, not just any bear costume will do! Contrary to your close-minded beliefs, bears don't all look alike!) Then we could go around educating people on the dangers of forest fires and the importance of fire safety! We should be careful with that one, though--I hear safety is an aphrodisiac. We may have to spread the word about safe sex next.

We could get ahold of a local realtor and go look at potential love nests. I want this! You want that! Oh, no! How will we ever decide?! I can hear the bickering and loving exchanges of barbs already.

We are out for a romantic dinner, the love between us palpable. I take your hand in mine, and you know. I drop to a knee and fumble anxiously, nervously, for that special little box in my coat pocket. Such-and-Such, will you marry me? As the onlookers, the ones that have been there before and those that hope they are on their way, await your eager acceptance and our first embrace as soon-to-bes, your expression changes. You pull your hand away! "I can't!" you shout, as you take off crying for the restroom. That is when I play up my role as the lovelorn would-be fiance. More or less, it is dinner theater. Everyone loves dinner! Everyone should love theater! You can't go wrong!

These are just a few ideas! Just brainstorming! I'm open to suggestions!