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I have done so many bad things to her. I have never seen her so depressed and angry and hurt. I cant get her to open up about anything except the A. All of those little things that I love about her and this quiet, withdrawn, and cynnical (which is totally out of character) woman in the shell of the woman I love.

I just want to know how to help her. She doesnt sleep and keeps on getting stress migranes, and those are things that have never happened. She keeps her phone off and wont take calls. She is sick all of the time and doesnt keep food down all that well, but I cant get her to talk to me!!!! I am really scared and worried for her. I know that I did this, but what can I do to even begin to undo it?!?!

P lease give me advice. I just want her not to hurt anymore and would do ANYTHING to help her!!!!

Posts: 23 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Jack317

Darkness Falls♀ 27879Member # 27879

Posted: 7:46 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013

Have you read "How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair"?

I know it's not a fix-all but it's a good start, IMO.

Me: XWS, 33, 5-month EA/PA in '09-'10
Husband: XBS, 45
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

We remarried in 2014

Formerly heartbroken0903

Posts: 2489 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: Central Florida

Forever_Sorry♂ 23167Member # 23167

Posted: 7:55 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013

I know that I did this, but what can I do to even begin to undo it?!?!

You cant undo it, Jack.

I cant get her to talk to me!!!

Here's the problem... its still about you. You dont want to hear this, but the damage you've done is irreversible. Now its up to her to decide if she ever even wants to talk to you again... and, yes, that is HER choice, not yours.

When the pain outweighs the fear, thats when you make the changes.

Posts: 334 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Michigan

SandAway♀ 37775Member # 37775

Posted: 8:10 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013

exactly what Forever_Sorry said.

You have done plenty; and then some.

Right now you have DEVASTATED her with what you have done.

Be there when she is ready. Work on yourself. Read, write, listen & read more.

fWW
BH Tred
M 16yrs
DDay Nov. 2011

Guns don't kill people; Affairs kill people

Posts: 440 | Registered: Dec 2012

longroadhome♂ 32428Member # 32428

Posted: 9:18 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013

NOTE: The following is said in a spirit of love and helpfulness. Anytime a person needs CPR, it is common that they suffer a couple of broken ribs as a result. It's for their own good. You, brother, need CPR.

Jack,

I have never seen her so depressed and angry and hurt. I cant get her to open up about anything except the A.

And this surprises you why? She's watching ATV...24 hours a day, 7 days a week, non-stop, commercial-free "Jack's A ruined my life" programming. You've broken NC, you showed the ow SI and outed your BS's posts. You're making everything about you. You are terrorizing her right now. If you want to help her, stop hurting her. Stop with the half-assed pity-party attention seeking behaviors. Put your bullshit aside and dig in. Do the work on yourself and do everything...everything, Jack, that's in your power to help her come back. Start taking accountability for the pain you've caused, accept that you can't undo it, and get to work.

Enough whining, Jack. You're saying the same thing over and over in different ways. Time for some real action. Its on you to make it happen.

Me: WH
Her: BW, and the most amazing, beautiful person I've ever known

It is counterintuitive really... the less we defend our well-being, the more well we feel. ~ Nancy Colier