Finding solutions to today's problems

Entries categorized "Mental Health Awareness"

01/15/2014

If you are a new years resolution kind of person, how are your goals going so far? How did you choose what goals you were going to set and how have you decided to go about changing yourself to achieve those goals? I don't know about you guys, but typically I create about 15 goals (5 for family, 5 for personal, and 5 for career) and I usually only achieve 2 or 3 of them. I often wonder to myself why I wasn't able to make them all successful. Choosing goals that work together and feed off of each other is usually what I do in hopes of optimizing on my desire to change. Unfortately, I have found that I am not typically ready to set out to change in certain areas, I fall into believing false beliefs about change, or my approach is not a long-term change approach. I am going to lay out some of this stuff for you and, in a few days, give you a simple way to help you figure out what stage of change you are in. I really hope this will help give you perspective on the changes you want to make so you will be more successful now and in the future.

Making a change on your own IS POSSIBLE, if you approach it in the right way, don't rush the process, and give yourself some space to fail. Of course, change is very difficult to do on your own if you experience a lot of emotional problems that seriously interfere with your energy levels, thinking ability, or experience of reality. A professional is able to assist one with change if you do experience those emotional issues.

(As I said before, I am currently using the book "Changing for Good" by Prochaska, Norcross, and DiClemnte in order to help me articulate change correctly. I would HIGHLY recommend reading this book in its entirety in order to understand the process of change better, as I am only highlighting on portions that I, myself, found useful to my practice and personal change practice.)

11/21/2013

Self-talk can be described as having a conversation with themselves. We tend to repeat the same statements to ourselves over and over, which soon become silent messages that we believe as fact and don't even think through the validity. Negative self-talk might look something like this...

"I cannot do anything right."

"I'm so stupid."

"There's no point even trying."

Thinking negatively leads to feeling badly about ourselves and not doing as well with dealing with work, relationships, or school. Negative thinking infects our being and leads us to feeling worthless and increases our anxiety. Pretty soon our brain becomes a pac-man running around searching for the negative statements in order to feed, or provide evidence, to the negative beliefs we are telling ourselves. (read more to learn how to shift your thoughts...)

09/24/2013

Is it important that men and woman have well formulated gender identities?

I believe that this is a very important question that needs to be answered in the conversation regarding gender neutral parenting.

Let me ask a question for you to think about.

What would the world look like if the answer to this question was no?

That would mean that men and women would have unclear or non-existent gender identities. Honestly, I am having a difficult time even imagining what this would look like.

Is it as simple as the clothes that we wear? Of course it's not. This points at our roles as fathers and mothers; as brothers and sisters; as sons and daughters.

What would it mean for our cultures our society if individuals had no clear sense of gender?

Is it really wrong for men to be men and for women to be women? Are gender roles really bad? It seems to me that they give structure and order. Without these two components there is chaos.

Is chaos good for our children?

No it's not.

Why can't we let boys be boys and girls be girls; whatever that means? It would seem to me that us making a big deal about this is only confusing our children and in the long run that will hurt us and our them, then ultimately our society.

09/04/2013

Growing up, I always had a changing relationship with food. I would think that a lot of my habits and thinking about it was normal because it didn't meet the criteria of an eating disordered so I figured I was probably fine, right? I know there are eating disorders (like the well-known anorexia and bulimia), but what about the other people that struggle with different types of food issues? I like to call the other eating issues eating dysfunctions. I'm talking about chronic dieters, emotional eaters, extreme exercisers, health-food junkies, yo-yo dieters, etc. This makes up more of the common eating struggles that people battle with.

I have struggled with my fare share of eating dysfunctions. My most memorable moment was when I was alone at home while my husband was away on a weekend fishing trip. I was bored. I was lonely. I was... hungry! I love to bake so I headed upstairs to make some chocolate cookies. I sampled the dough as I made it... to make sure it was good enough. Then I decided I had eaten too much cookie dough so I better make some actual cookies and put the dough away so I won't be tempted to eat it all. After I had taken out the cookies, I ate one before it cooled. I ate two after they cooled. I ate another one while deciding what I should store them in. Then I went back to the cookie sheet and realized only 1/2 of the cookies I made were left. I got so mad at myself for losing control. I somehow decided that the best way to deal with this was to get rid of them. ... No I did not throw them in the trash. I made the wise decision to grab the cookie sheet with the cookies still on and walked to my front door, stepped outside, and tossed the cookies into the yard. I felt defeated. My husband came home soon after. He walked into the house with the strangest look on his face and said, "why are there cookies all over the yard? I would have eaten those." I knew I needed to get a grip!

Not only do I hear from people the desire to stop these dysfunctional habits with food but I more hear about the desire to have someone to talk to, that understands, so they dont' feel like they are alone in their struggle. Having the place to share your struggles and feel someone understands what you are saying can really promote a healthy inner growth due to the feedback others can offer you which can promote insight into why you might be doing what you are doing. I have heard the call folks! I will be starting a group in 6 weeks for support of various eating issues! More info will be coming by next week but I just had to share my excitement. I would love to hear if people would be interested in attending so feel free to send me a little note from my website or leave a comment!

08/27/2013

My opinion is that most people make decisions while in a reactionary mode.

In other words, most people live their lives reacting to the environment or circumstances around them.

I present to my clients five ways of thinking the does/will dictate our lives.

1. Reactionary Thinking (This is driven by the immediacy of our emotions).

2. Short Term Thinking (This is simply trying to make it through the day or week).

3. Critical Thinking (This is the ability to abstract think and think steps ahead in details, this counters reactionary thinking).

4. Long Term Thinking (This is the ability to look down the road, set goals, and formulate plans on how to achieve those goals. Successful people are critical long term thinkers.

5. Legacy Thinkers (This is the ability to look past yourself into the future after you are gone. This is where your purpose in life comes into play. How will you be remembered? How will you impact the world that lasts longer than you do?)

As you can see these different types of thinking patterns are distinctly different and therefore has distinctly different effects on individuals using them.

First ask yourself; what kind of life do I want to have?

Next use the appropriate thinking to formulate a plan to begin the journey. Hint you will have to use critical, and long term thinking.

Beginning to look at life past the circumstances you are in will have a significant impact on your life.

08/07/2013

When life is going “good” for you, what do you find yourself saying internally? “When life is going good, I’m just waiting for something bad to happen.” Or maybe “when life is going good, I try to enjoy it while I can.” How about when life is going “bad?” Do you think to yourself, “When life is going bad I just want to give up because I feel like I can never get ahead” or “When life is going bad I know I just have to keep pushing through because it’s just got to get better?”

How you answer these questions may have a lot of influence on many areas of your health and well-being. Typically your answers will fit into a pessimistic view or an optimistic view. Mayo Clinic states, “The positive thinking that typically comes with optimism is a key part of effective stress management. And effective stress management is associated with many health benefits.” (find article here)

I used to not have the most optimistic outlook on life, especially when I was making my way through college. I felt like nothing was going my way. I was constantly stressed out from dealing with one thing or another. The thought that frequented my mind was, “Can’t I just catch a break?!”

Once I started graduate school, I started trying to challenge myself with what I was learning. One major change I made was my outlook on life. I started trying to look at life as something that will always test me and challenge me. Now, when life is going good I try to give myself credit for handling what life has thrown at me and tried to get me down with. This has really helped boost my confidence and help me feel like I have a bit of a handle on my life. When life is going bad, I try to view it as more of a challenge that I need to figure out and give myself some slack for. I evaluate how I’m handling things and take note of where I could benefit from some improvement. Once I find those weak spots, I talk with trusted friends, coworkers, or find a book that will help me strengthen those skills.

How nice to think that just by improving my thinking I am getting one step closer to healthy living. Not only will I possibly increase my life span, but I’ll have a greater resistance to the common cold, reduce my risk of death from cardiovascular disease, lower my rate of depression and distress, and develop better coping skills during times that are hard and stressful. Eating healthy and exercising is important,but don’t forget to give yourself a pat on the back for trying to be moreoptimistic throughout your day too!