83 Things Every Man Should Do Before He Dies

1. Apologize. Now, apologize isn't a thing you'll find on most life lists. But then, most life lists require you to exit your life, or your good sense, to execute the list items—parachute from outer space, visit the Titanic, sit through a whole season of Girls. Not that you'd be tempted, but don't do those things. Do these.

5. Preemptively say, "I'm sorry, too" when in the midst of a vicious argument with a loved one. Works only once per relationship. But it works.

6. Spend an uncomfortable amount of money on a really good suit.

7. Leave a tip big enough to upset you.

8. Make a pilgrimage to Bonneville Salt Flats, site of land-speed-record attempts for more than fifty years and a big piece of gorgeous nowhere. Go there to drive very fast. Go there to camp. Go there for the sunrises and the sunsets and the stars at night. Go there to be alone.

13. Have yourself a little cannonball run.Different teams. Different beat-up used cars, procured specifically for this occasion and each costing less than $700. A race for time across 278 miles of road (and 90 degree desert heat) between Los Angeles and Las Vegas, and no rules about T-boning, rear-ending, or winning at any cost.

14. Volunteer.

15. Fly in the Beaver. You know the Beaver. Around since the forties and looks it. It has a big round radial engine, an oily, primitive thing the size of an old Volkswagen. But it flies, and lands anywhere covered in water.

16. Love something other than yourself. Like a dog. Or even a person.

17. Shoot a Glock.Do you know what it's like to have a heart bursting at the end of your arm? Didn't think so.

18. Write a poem.Make it about whatever you're feeling about whatever you're seeing in your mind's eye. A person. Someone you love. It's a fucking poem; why waste it on anger or fear? That stuff is what prose is for.

19. Fuck a stranger before 9:00 PM on a Tuesday.

20. Try as many drugs as possible. Also, if possible, before 9:00 P.M. on a Tuesday.

21. Make an incredibly important decision very quickly. One example: go from single to married in six whole days, like this guy.

22. Coach kids. Not necessarily your own.

23. Pick two to four friends. Go on annual vacations. No significant others allowed.

24. Develop a personal uniform.

25. Learn to tell a joke.When in doubt, mock the powerful, not the powerless. And focus on the things that everyone hates or loves. One tip: Everyone hates Congress – even Congress.

26. Hold a newborn's hand.

27. Get lost in the world. Because when you don't know where you are, you just might end up in the pace where you most want to be. You don't have to go to the Atacama Desert in Chile either. But it helps.

28. Change someone else's tire without having to be asked.

29. Offer a stem-winding toast to your father, in the presence of your father.

30. Write a country song.

31. Build an irresponsible fire.

32. Shovel soil onto a casket.

33. Take a month off.

34. Face your own mortality by taking a physical risk.

35. Drive cross-country the other way—from Great Falls, Montana, to Austin, Texas.

36. Walk somewhere at least fifty miles away.

37. Climb Angels Landing in Zion National Park.

38. Drive the Going-to-the-Sun Road in Glacier National Park.

39. Hondle. It's about shamelessness, about asking and asking and not caring when you get shot down. Once you achieve shamelessness, the world opens its arms to you.

53. Make something with your hands. We know a guy who makes violins in a little shop, which he also made. We know another guy who makes large abstract sculptures: blocks of stone that weigh tons. We're happy they make these things and are sort of in awe of their process and results. But we're talking about something more useful. Make something useful with your hands.

68. Watch a kid's show. Figure out its message. Incorporate that message into your general outlook.

69. Attend the launch of a rocket.

70. Believe in something fervently, with every fiber of your being; then believe in its opposite.

71. Eat at Roscoe's House of Chicken 'n Waffles, Los Angeles

72. Walk around New York City all night. Because a walk like this is not possible in any other city in the country. You can't plan such a walk.

73. Commit a petty crime.

74. Read any novel you "read" in high school. Be amazed.

75. Read Huckleberry Finn.

76. Read Fifty Shades of Grey.

77. By the way: you need not do any of these things no matter what anyone says: Learn a foreign language. Watch The Wire. Run a marathon. Develop character by setbacks. Fast for longer than theologically necessary. Have a picnic. Work at a standing desk. Visit a sex club. Attend the Super Bowl. Join any given social-media platform. Count your lucky stars. Drink absinthe. "See the world."

78. Do something incredibly interesting and refuse to monetize it.

79. Have a pair of shoes made.

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80. Run for office, win.

81. Run for office, lose.

82. Spend some time in Detroit, where you can do most of the things on this list with impunity.

83. Don't have a life list.Keep on like before—travel, eat, go places—until the things you've done, rather than the things you've yet to try, define the man that you are.

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