April 4, 2018:
Your brain is broken. I'm handing you a bandage.
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March 28, 2018:
Regardless of whether you turn on the radio, or turn the radio on, or are turned on by the radio, or the radio turns you on, or gets you off, or you need to turn it off because of what's on …
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March 21, 2018:
75% of people don't want to hear about your problems. The other 25% are glad it's you.
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October 11, 2017:
Proverb: If the wolf be at the door, open it and eat him.
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October 4, 2017:
An algorithmically-generated, readability-adjusted scatter-plot of the musical genre-space, based on data tracked and analyzed for 1,536 Spotify classifications.
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September 27, 2017:
Teaching cats to bark since 1958.
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September 6, 2017:
The '60s: album covers where one member of the band is surreptitiously extending his middle finger. THAT was revolution. THAT was sticking it to the man.
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August 30, 2017:
WFMU: A collection of unstable molecules.
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August 23, 2017:
Statues should be outlawed. We need a statute against statues. All statues should have an expiration date of NOW.
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August 16, 2017:
The history of downloading data goes back to the Ten Commandments.
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August 9, 2017:
"At the table, I sometimes discourse on the cynicism of the blintz, or the bottled anger and rapelike aggressiveness of Coca-Cola." — Oscar Levant
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August 2, 2017:
Sometimes I feel like I don't use enough apps.
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July 26, 2017:
I would so love to go to the events like it would probably be a dream to go but I have school that I can not miss in order for me to even have a chance in the radio field in the future.
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January 11, 2017:
Mighty Sparrow will NOT visit the studio today as hoped.
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January 4, 2017:
I love jazz and love brunch, but one thing up with which I will not put is Jazz Brunch. I don't like jazz with good manners. I prefer jazz that takes its shoes off and puts its feet on the coffee table.
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December 28, 2016:
2016 wasn't all bad—the world is finally rid of Fidel Castro, and we elected Hillary Clinton President of California!
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September 21, 2016:
"When I was younger, I had some friends who told me they were necrophiliacs, but I didn't know what that meant. Once I found out, they were fucking dead to me." – Tony DeCosa
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September 14, 2016:
The Future is a sense that there's time to clean up the mess you made.
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September 7, 2016:
LH: "Do you know the difference between foxes and coyotes?" IC: "Yes. Foxes have long eyelashes and are flirtatious. Coyotes have stockpiles of Acme explosives."
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August 17, 2016:
Artists can have a tremendous impact on society. Hitler was a painter.
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August 10, 2016:
“I’ve been in this business for over a week, and I swear—I’ve never heard anything like it!" – Moe Barnum
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August 3, 2016:
We are prepared to use adverbs, if necessary.
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July 27, 2016:
Our listeners are like lab rats whose brains are wired with electrodes which constantly stimulate the pleasure centers.
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July 20, 2016:
“I often feel a discomfort, a kind of embarrassment, when I explain elementary particle physics to laypeople. It all seems so arbitrary—the ridiculous collection of fundamental particles, the lack of pattern to their masses.” – Leonard Susskind
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July 13, 2016:
The musical equivalent of the breakfast buffet at an off-ramp hotel — not overly appealing, but there’s bacon in there somewhere.
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July 6, 2016:
A pseudo-aggressive covering cloak for deep masochistic elaboration of a pre-oedipal conflict.
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June 29, 2016:
I always know I can count on you when you damn well feel like it.
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May 11, 2016:
I am great because I did something really great today. It was great. Not that I want to brag about my greatness.
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May 4, 2016:
We are upgrading you to a new dimension! Your current coordinates are unadequate. We can rectiffy your cosmic confinement. Go not to anywhere else, coming forth details. We still twink with transport mechanism.
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April 27, 2016:
I’ll send you a note Sunday to remind you to send me a note on Monday to remind me to remind you on Tuesday to pay me on Wednesday.
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November 11, 2015:
We apologize for any outrageously outrageous outrage this program may trigger in you.
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November 4, 2015:
With WFMU's openness to reinterpretation and reinvention, nonmimetic representation promises to promote not an escape from reality, but, rather, a means of promoting and, indeed, ensuring flexibility in its application to each listener's human life.
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October 28, 2015:
Spoiler alert: Godot DOES NOT ARRIVE.
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October 14, 2015:
Formula 50 is why I get out of bed every day. I regularly take baths in it and when it's not within arm's length I have panic attacks. Thank God and Baby Jesus it's available on Amazon. Now I can get my life back on track.
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September 2, 2015:
The papercuts of microaggression: so small, yet slice so deep.
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August 26, 2015:
NYT Correction (8/24/15): "An earlier version of this post misidentified the former frontman of the band R.E.M. The frontman was Michael Stipe, not Carrie Brownstein."
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August 19, 2015:
I don't care about the planet. I care about the furniture.
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June 10, 2015:
A Jacobean Dramatization of a Medieval English Tale Based on an Italian Romance Version of a Latin Epic about One of the Oldest and Most Tragic Greek Legends.
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January 28, 2015:
Three hours of subtle but undeniable microaggressions.
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January 21, 2015:
"This clash of time cymbals produced a percussion of coincidence that has made a blooming bromide of the wormy chestnut that fact is stranger than fiction." (Henry Kane)
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January 14, 2015:
Nothing motivates like schadenfreude!
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January 7, 2015:
A self-contained and angstrom-deep form of communication aimed at the Paleomammalian brain rather than the neocortex.
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December 31, 2014:
"They tried to get me to hate white people, but someone would always come along and spoil it." – Thelonious Monk
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December 24, 2014:
Curve inversion will likely come more quickly than consensus assessment. Bail at 4:30.
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December 17, 2014:
Gave two bucks to the Salvation Army bell ringer outside A&P. Wouldn't give me a receipt. What a scam. Gettin' me a Santa suit, a bucket on a tripod, and a school bell. Want a piece of that action.
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December 10, 2014:
Never a dull moment around here, except for all the dull moments.
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November 19, 2014:
We didn't recognize the Passcode you entered. Maybe it was a typo or the formatting was off? Please enter it again.
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November 12, 2014:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the firepower to blow out the brains of those who fuck with me.
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November 5, 2014:
Currently trending in Celebrities
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October 29, 2014:
"Jazz should never be free. It should be kept under lock and key. It should never even be eligible for parole." – Mo
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August 27, 2014:
Article of faith: Any old LP released on a major label that sold less than 1,000 copies has received heavy airplay on WFMU.
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August 20, 2014:
THE WORLD'S GONNA END AND WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!! But not necessarily in that order.
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August 13, 2014:
Give a man a gun and a barrel of fish, and he'll shoot some and splash water all over the place. But teach a man marksmanship, angling, and cooperage and he'll be overqualified for the US postal service.
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August 6, 2014:
Three Hours of Questionable Aesthetics and Moral Ambiguity
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October 9, 2013:
Like a heathen religion, WFMU is all fired up with tom-toms, hot jive and ritualistic orgies of erotic dancing, weed-smoking and mass mania, set to an African jungle background.
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May 15, 2013:
We who make our throats a garbage pit and our stomachs a graveyard. Mean, angry, loathsomely jealous, confused and beset by covetousness, who without restraint would lie, deceive, and betray to mask our depravity.
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October 19, 2011:
Today's program will teach total muscle isolation, elegant hand gestures, and intricate body gyrations
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October 12, 2011:
I'll review the contract tonight to confirm I didn't omit anything or include terms that aren't relevant. I drafted that agreement sober and need to double-check it when I'm shitfaced drunk.
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October 5, 2011:
Stop blaming us for everything that happens to you.
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September 28, 2011:
Now that inertia is cool, turns out I was way ahead of my time.
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July 27, 2011:
Fucking Kings of Leon aren't real monarchs. It's just a band name. There's no Kingdom of Leon to be King of. And if there was, there would be ONE king, not a committee.
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July 20, 2011:
God is always with me, and I blame Him for all my failures.
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June 16, 2004:
Your First Mate on a cruise ship around the Clueless Islands
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June 9, 2004:
"Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it." -- Ronald Reagan (1911-2004)
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June 2, 2004:
Music agitato, aggressivo, barbarico!
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December 31, 2003:
WFMU: Not as important as food, but top ten
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December 24, 2003:
If the apocalypse is imminent -- we've got the soundtrack!
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December 17, 2003:
A life force for the protoplasm-impaired
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December 10, 2003:
WFMU: Like your favorite neighborhood tavern with a great jukebox. Only with bad lighting, no beer, no cocktails, and no bar snacks. Otherwise, the same.
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December 3, 2003:
WFMU: It's like a mutual fund -- past performance is no guarantee of future results.
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November 26, 2003:
Flypaper for misfits and malcontents
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November 19, 2003:
Music everyone at work can agree on
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November 12, 2003:
WFMU: Where duct tape is a way of life (MARIE FRANK performs live with Neill Furio on Gender Bias)
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November 5, 2003:
Adrift in a sea of ignorance, on a raft of indifference
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May 23, 2001:
"Sometimes men come by the name of genius in the same way that certain insects come by the name of centipede—not because they have a hundred feet, but because most people can't count above fourteen." – G. C. Lichtenberg
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May 16, 2001:
All the amateurism of college radio -- without the basketball games.
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