Trouser Snake on a Plane?

In general, masturbating in public is not a good idea. In case you didn't know.

Ladies and gents, please don't masturbate in the seat next to us on a plane. Really. Don't do it. We wish we didn't have to say this. But it seems this just isn't as obvious as we assumed. At least not to 25-year-old Kyle Pearce from Florida, anyway.

He stepped onto United Airlines Flight 340 in Spokane, Wash., wearing jeans tucked into cowboy boots and made his way to his seat. He introduced himself as Kyle and sat down. And then, at some point in the flight, he began masturbating. Or so says an affidavit written by FBI Agent Martin Daniel.

“I sat next to a man on a plane who was masterbating [sic]. I heard a noise and looked over and saw his penis,” an 18-year-old woman is reported to have told investigators. “He ejaculated and got some on the seat. Then he went to the bathroom for a long time.”

A passenger who sat behind Pearce said, “My friend Zach turned to me and said, ‘That man is masturbating' and in disbelief, I looked and saw his penis and he was. I hit him with my book in the arm, which caused him to stop and leave to the bathroom.”

Pearce, who was on his way to Florida, was arrested at a stop in Denver and is facing 90 days in jail and a $5,000 fine.