These are disgusting. A perversion of gingerbread men, and a perversion of the spirit of Christmas!

Or are they? Seems to me the holidays have become at least in part about asking people if they've been naughty or nice. For the ones who claim naughtiness...or for the ones who claim niceness but are obviously lying...a set of sexy cookie cutters could be the perfect gift. And especially the perfect Secret Santa gift because you'll never have to claim ownership of the tasteless purveyors of tasty treats.

Or get a set for yourself, anonymously leave the finished products in the staff break room, and let the swell holiday shenanigans unfold. Oh come on, anyone who gets their panties in a bunch about humping gingerbread men should be sent to Sense of Humor Camp next year.

Don't just simulate them in a Jet Bed, realize your aero-fantasies with the Luxury Mile High Club Experience. Wish.co.uk, peddlers of myriad activities intended to prevent life and its inhabitants from becoming boring...

Good thing yawns and O faces look about the same because, thanks to research being conducted by a handful of (presumably exhausted and horny) PhD students at Indiana University's The Kinsey Institute, they're about to...

Dudes, check out the Wobbling Willy's practical application for all those selfies you've been taking. Your face on a dildo. A way, way sexier (and more functional!) gift for your girlfriend than that framed dick pic you...

Note: The Japanese electric piston masturbator's NSFW designation serves not so much as a reminder that this device is not suitable to view at work as it does a reminder that it is not suitable to use at work. I found...

If all you've got is $25, I'll make giving your boyfriend the perfect gift for Valentine's day real easy for you: 6-pack of beer; 6-pack of street tacos; and you. Naked, obviously. Wrap it all up in a bow, lay it at his...

Though it's not electric or piston-powered...or Japanese...like this friendly sex toy, the LaunchPAD does employ advanced technology in a valiant effort to enhance Man's alone time. The makers of male masturbatory aid...

Is further product description really needed? First there was Georgia O'Keefe, now there is author and illustrator Morgan Hastings. Black-and-white outlines of anatomical wonders beg for your acrylic and Crayola technicolor...

Remember that one time you let some chick drag you to hot yoga because she too was hot and you wanted to see her do bendy things in spandex pants, but then you ended up spending the whole class lying on your back trying...

A heads up to politicians and city planners: stop wasting your money on bike lanes, tax incentives, and PSA campaigns. All you need do to persuade your constituents to trade in cars for bicycles on their morning commute...

F-Cup Cookies sound like they would be a joke, and they probably are, but for all women with concave chesticular regions and, more importantly, for all the men who have to fondle them, I sure as 2 seconds of motorboating...