November 03, 2011

Random Text Messages From My Friends, Vol. 7

The following text missives from my cell phone are all about to get purged so, as usual, I thought I'd jot them down here for posterity. Names and telephone numbers have been withheld to protect the (not-so) innocent.

"The best part about Halloween is giving out packets of ketchup to little kids."

"What's worse? Piercing your newborn's ears or giving her a lower back tattoo?"

"Wife walked in on me doing the robot. It didn't faze her. The thrill is gone."

Me: You're not going to like this book, the main character, is well, a....
Friend: If she's a fu*&ing lesbian, forget it. Lisa can read the book this time and fill me in on the details. I'm not reading it.
Me: The main character is a ghost, you homophobe!

You always make me laugh. I wish my messages sounded anything like yours. Mine are as basic as: I got here alright, I am coming home or please send more money. At least yours make me think this will end soon and I have hope for what you are getting on your text.

One of the funniest text I ever got was not a text per se, but an image. It said "It's here!!!!" and all I could see was a little dark thing in a white bowl. Took me a while to figure out that my girlfriend sent me a picture of her child's first poop in the potty.