This weekend is a religious event only second to Christmas. And if you are an actor and your rep manages to swing you a presenting spot the Oscars are very similar in that they are also a holiday full of crappy gifts. While some of the items in the swag bag each presenter receives are worth thousands of dollars, there is also a bunch of random shit. The Daily Beast reports:

-Take 2: Your Guide to Happy Endings and New Beginnings by Leeza Gibbons, a book about “starting over; taking inventory, and getting smarter, stronger, and sexier with no apologies, no regrets and no turning back.” ($24.00) -A six-pack box of Naked brand condoms ($20.00) -Maple syrup, from Rouge Maple Gourmet Products ($120.00) -Portion-control dinnerware by Slimware: “Portion consciousness is disguised in the design.” $59.00 -A Vampire Facelift, a cosmetic procedure that involves re-injecting gel-like substances from the patient’s blood back into the skin of their face to treat wrinkles. ($5,000.00) -Tickets to the circus, to see “North America’s only all-kid troupe.” ($400) -Hair ties. But they double as bracelets! ($80.00) -A lint roller by Gleener, called The Ultimate Fuzz Remover ($19.99) -Windex touch-up cleaner ($3.99)

So if you’re Jennifer Aniston and you’re presenting at the Oscars yet again for some reason, even though you have never been close to nominated yourself, at least as you stand on stage and look out at the critically lauded hot chick who stole your husband, you can take solace in the fact that you are going home to some free Windex.