If zombies actually existed, an attack by them would lead to the collapse of civilisation (sic) unless dealt with quickly and aggressively.

This according to an article at the BBC Web site that reports on a scientific paper written by researchers in Canada. It’s almost as if Bob and Doug MacKenzie were unleashed on an unsuspecting university math department.

The researchers say that, although they realize that zombies are not real, their findings could have real world applications in fighting infectious diseases. They also say “the key difference between the zombies and the spread of real infections is that ‘zombies can come back to life.'”

I’m certainly glad that Canada is on the case, protecting me from these imaginary fiends, because if zombies were real, and I was bitten by one, I doubt my health insurance would cover it.

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Up here, not only do you get free treatment if bitten by a zombie, so does the zombie. And if your doctor writes a note attesting you're infected with zombieism, you get two weeks' paid leave from work. A really understanding doctor will write you a prescription for medicinal marijuana.

Sweet. Now if only they let us openly carry guns. I guess you can't have everything.

Nunchuks are also effective. They work on regular Canadians as well. Unfortunately, New York state's nunchuk ban has resulted in an influx of French-speaking Canadian zombies, who have been taking jobs away from hardworking Mexicans.

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