The Order Of Elijah is a deathcore band from Joplin, Missouri, who, up until about a week ago, was a Christian metal band. To the group's credit, though not in the same genre, metal has had fantastic Christian metal groups in the past (Extol comes to mind), so we'll leave the whole "can Jesus metal rule?" debate out of this. I'm sure you're also noticing that I keep referring to the band's belief in God in the past tense… which is accurate.

While restoring an 18th century statue, Spanish historians found what appears to be a makeshift time capsule in an unlikely place - the buttocks of a statue. Two handwritten letters, yellow with age, were inside. They're dated from 1777 and signed by Joaquín Mínguez, a chaplain from the Burgo de Osma cathedral.

Disgraced televangelist Jim Bakker stoked fears of presidential assassination while claiming that the grandchildren of his audience could face eternal damnation unless they call a 1-888 phone number and send him $60 (plus shipping) for a bucket of pancake mix.

Pope Francis is known for his modest taste in transportation, eschewing his "Popemobile" for a small, black Fiat 500. So when Lamborghini handed him a papal gold-and-white Huracan, there was little chance that Vatican City natives would see the pontiff performing doughnut in St. Peter's Square. Instead, he is to auction off the luxury sports car to raise money for charity, specifically to help Christian communities devastated by the Islamic State militant group in Iraq.

Big in the news is that the Boy Scouts of America will allow girls to join starting next year. It's been a while since we've seen some NSFW Bullshit clips here.
Time to remedy that.
Bullshit Morormons and Boy Scouts-and-Atheist Scouts (with subtitles en Espanol, no less).

This is not a religious order, like perhaps how nuns are married to the Catholic church. No, this was quite different. Three women married Jesus last Saturday in the Archdiocese of Detroit.
Truth is stranger than fiction.

Thanks to the popularity of an indie horror movie called The Witch, the Satanic Temple (which exists only to challenge the norms and expectations of mainstream organized religion) and the film's producers have embarked upon a 4-city tour dubbed The Sabbat Cycle consisting of a screening of the movie followed by satanic rituals. It is their intent to start a "satanic revolution" and raise awareness of the increasingly blurred line between church and state.

Megachurch evangelist pastor and notorious conman Joel Osteen has been bilking his congregation out of millions of dollars for decades. He has absolutely no shame when it comes to pretending to be a holy man for money.If you are ashamed to have to read him in your Twitter feed, you can use this bot to automatically make the substitution.

A Vatican Academy member has claimed that the Pope's stance on population control is to not have more children than the family can sustain, but does not endorse any artificial birth-control methods... which leaves the money shot as pretty much your only option.

"There are those who say 'I am very Catholic, I always go to Mass, I belong to this and that association'," the head of the 1.2 billion-member Roman Catholic Church said, according to a Vatican Radio transcript. "There are many Catholics who are like this and they cause scandal," he said. "How many times have we all heard people say 'if that person is a Catholic, it is better to be an atheist'."