Sir Roger Moore admitted he wasn’t ‘a great actor,’ but made James Bond stylish, suave and sexy

When he was cast as Ivanhoe, he looked at the character and obviously thought: “Hmm. I think it’d be best if I played him as me.”

Later, when he was cast as The Saint, he decided that having played himself so successfully as Ivanhoe, he should do it again. So he did. And then he did it again in The Persuaders! and again as Bond.

In The Wild Geese, he was supposed to be a tough mercenary. But he wasn’t. He was Roger Moore. If you’d cast Roger Moore as an alien, he would still have looked, sounded and walked just like Roger Moore.

MOST READ IN OPINION

ROD LIDDLE

Let's welcome President Trump, he's not as bad as Jacob Zuma or Hillary Clinton

Ally Ross

Ant and Dec are the only ones carrying I'm A Celeb as it rolls further downhill

THE SUN SAYS

ID cards for vets is a fitting salute to those who have fought for our country

KARREN BRADY

Deluded Jeremy Corbyn would ruin Britain in a heartbeat if he wins power

Tony Parsons

The PM is deluded - a truly great deal would be the Brexit we all voted for

HARVEY LAYZELL

Donor girl's dad says Brits should give organs if willing to receive them

Audiences were expected to believe that a former knitwear model could take out a burly villain with a single karate chop, and convince bad guys to change their plans with nothing more than a raised eyebrow.

And that’s before we get to his love scenes. He’d ask a girl to go to bed. She’d say no. So he’d raise an eyebrow and go ahead anyway. Today he’d be called a rapist.

And yet because he was Roger Moore, it all seemed to be fine. Funny, even.

That’s what’s been missing from Bond in recent years. The laughs. If I want a spy with no sense of humour, I’ll watch a Jason Bourne film, or a re-run of Jack Bauer in 24. Funny, isn’t it, how all spies have the same initials?

I want Bond to make me giggle. I want him to pause as he dashes from a hotel room, to eat a grape.

And I want him to say, as he prepares to seduce another Soviet beauty: “I’m keeping the British end up.”

I sit these days watching Daniel Craig wrestling with his inner demons, as he necks another slug of Scotch, and I can’t helping thinking: “Oh for God’s sake, man, do some light eyebrow work and then say something daft.

“Oh, and while you’re at it, lose the stupid Tom Ford suits and get yourself a nice safari jacket.”

Sir Roger Moore is Jeremy Clarkson's favourite Bond and made the hit film character famous and cool

We’re told that Bond should be true to the books. But that’s nonsense. No one’s ever read one. Bond should be true to the man who actually made him what he is today. And that was Roger Moore.

Tonight, as a tribute, I’m going to watch For Your Eyes Only, which is my favourite 007 movie. And I’m going to pay particular attention to the scene when Roger finally gets into Carole Bouquet’s knickers.

He’s got one eyebrow slightly raised, naturally, and you can see in his eyes what he’s saying.

It’s supposed to be: “Sleeping with this girl will help me track down the missing hardware.”

But what you can see, plain as day, is that actually he’s saying: “I’m being paid tons of money to snog this girl. How lucky am I!”

However, as I watched the news that night, I did have an unmanly lump in my throat and a bit of a tear in my eye. The photograph of that eight-year-old girl who was killed. I dunno, it’s just so . . . so unnecessary.

Later, though, the sadness turned into a blind rage. And I, too, entertained thoughts along the same lines as Jodie.

I sat watching all the politicians making their calm and dignified statements and I thought: “Stop saying things. Go back inside and tell MI5 to get medieval on the a***s of anyone they even half suspect of being up to no good.”

Jodie Marsh received abuse and criticism on Twitter for her views after the Manchester terror attack on Monday

Much later, when the rage was really in full flood, I was thinking – and I won’t have been alone in this – that they should round up all of the bomber’s friends and relatives and blow a few kneecaps off until they find out exactly what went on.

This, I suspect, is an entirely natural reaction to something so terrible. But it’s also wrong.

And that’s why – for once – I have the greatest of respect for Theresa May and Jeremy Corbyn and that little Lib Dem man with the funny voice.

Somehow, they were able to contain their anger and their instinct for revenge. And say what needed to be said if the country’s going to carry on being free and fair and decent.

SCIENTISTS decided this week, probably because they were a bit bored, to test the strength of a flamingo’s leg.

So they got a bird and pushed down hard on it, noticing that not a single joint in the leg moved even a tiny bit.

Maybe that had something to do with the fact that, because of animal welfare legislation, the bird they were using for the experiment was, er, dead.

Flipping rubbish

BACK at the beginning of the 20th century a scientist discovered a hormone called oxytocin, which causes a woman’s nipples to become aroused.

It isn’t used much as a treatment today because it’s known that George Clooney does the trick just as well.

However, for some reason, researchers decided to inject it into a bunch of wild grey seals.

They say the creatures huddled together more after receiving the dose.

And I’m not surprised.

They were probably saying: “I hope those b******s on the beach leave us alone.

“My nipples are killing me in this salty water.”

Out of control

THE Woodland Trust has had to close a wood in the West Midlands because staff say there was too much ­dogging in the car parks and that there were too many out-of-control dogs on the paths.

It all sounds very terrible. Sex, and happy dogs bouncing through the blue- bells. What a nightmare for the high-visibility enthusiasts. The interesting part of the story for me, however, is that you have people saying to their wives on a Saturday night: “I’m just going to take the dog for a walk in the woods.”

And then they go to an area known locally as a dogging hotspot . . . and do just that.