Welcome

Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and
others concerned about HIV/AIDS. Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the
conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning: Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive
and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a
username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own
physician.

All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators
of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please
provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are
true and correct to their knowledge.

Author
Topic: I feel so ugly!!! (Read 10994 times)

Im meeting my sisters this weekend in omaha... they are flying in from all over the country.. I am blessed... BUT... none of my clothes fit.. I havent gotten anything new in 2 years... I looked at the one shop in town and there was NOTHING... I know that they dont care... but it makes me so uncomfortable... .. red face, big belly... bumps on my face..... ACK!@!!!!!

Just needed to vent... I love them, they love me , my husband is willing to take the 2 + hour drive to drop me off, the pick me up 72 hours later... i should just stop...

Honey..........you are not ugly, it's just an ugly day. Go to Target, Walmart or Ross and find yourself a cute little cheap new pair of sweats with a nice hoodie, or a cheap pair of jeans and a big shirt and you'll be fine. Retail therapy always works.

Lisa

Logged

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves.."Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?"

I have been feeling unattractive lately too but not due to hiv but I guess my body changing as I am getting older. But anyhoo, I agree with SD, go get you some new gear (clothes) and enjoy your family.

I just went on a shopping spree at Goodwill. I like to go on their half off days. I've gained a ton of weight in my belly from the meds. With Goodwill, I can never go wrong. Right clothes-right price. Treat yourself dear.

Logged

I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

I use ebay for still decent but bigger clothes...have gone from a UK 14 to a UK 18 since taking meds so really identify with how you feelingMy ID is sending me to a specific HIV dietician, don't know whether that would be an option for you?I do agree with everyone that new clothes can help, but it can upset you more when they don't fit....I tend to grit my teeth and think hey, would I rather be alive and more of me to love?Thinking of youjo

Logged

I know i'm going to enjoy the party in the afterlife, but do you all mind that I'm going to be VERY late!!!

i was always dressed nicely, but after i got it something in my style of dress changed.it seemed nothing could look bad on me, i believe it is because had to make up more on theoutside because of what was inside.and the more i felt good outside, the feeling started getting inside. i get complements frommen and women every day now, more than i got in my entire life. and that makes me proudthat i didnt give up. you are looking on the outside the way you feel inside.do me a favor, please dont fight me on this, you are going to say you did all that. so let do it againwithout being in the mind frame of giving up. do u want your family suffering and feeling helpessbecause they dont know how to make you smile. they do care how you look, not in a bad way,but feeling that they are failing you. tell you what, where do u live, if i cant personally drag uout, lets have a party just us two on our web cames. play a game of dominos,have a glass of wine. play scribble, tell jokes or anyone who would like to join.if none of this helps. call me, i know what to do.lol queenie

I feel what queenie say was the best post of all..I too have a big belly.. i just went to the drs office and asked if it was the meds,they told me no, its mid life..bull...anyway they are sending me for a catscan tosee if i have a hernia..i hope its just a hernia but i doubt it after reading all thisinfo..I want to take a drug holiday so i can go back to looking like i did, but i read that after this guy took the drug holiday, he lost his belly, but when he had to getback on meds it only came back..So here i sit with my stomach out..skinny legs and arms and there be no bathingsuit for me this year..big top and shorts will do the trick..I just went outand had to buy new clothes to fit my stomach..Iam bigger and have to deal with it..I dont like it..Iam a women and still very vain about my appearance, but iam doing the best i can with what i have..At least iam not alone, thats for sure.Glad i got this computer because iam learning alot from these forums..Guess ill get that catscan anyway on friday.. I know it will be nothing, but regular bellyfat from meds..I too tried to think it was something else going on with me,buti guess iam just like everyone else whos on meds.....Go with your familyand be happy they love you..Smile and have a good time..Because if your sad, they will fell helpless and its not fair to the ones who loveus..Just enjoy your day..and btw, queenie..id love to play some games as well, doyou mind

Logged

Live Love Laugh and dance like no ones watching.Laughter is the best medicine, so try to have a laugh everyday..Even if your not feeling your best, think about something that was funny at one time in your life and work with it.. )

Sorry you are feeling this way. Having a belly from the meds or disease is just not an easy thing to deal with at times. Just try to exercise and do your best to control it that way. Get the scan done, just to be sure... it won't hurt, ya know? And once you get the results that all is okay, start working on an exercise routine that will help you feel better about yourself and eventually look better too.

Keep in mind, that if it's Lipo, be ready to accept the fact that stopping the meds won't reduce the growth, love. I was on a holiday for two years, and mine didn't go away. And only after I RESTARTED meds again, and started exercising, did I lose two inches from that area.

You need to be dedicated to the routine, and don't give up... the end results are amazing!!

Hang in there!

Logged

The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

Thanks for trying to help me..Ill try to do more exercise..I went for my Catscanyesterday to see if its a hernia in my stomach..The drs thought that might bea problem as well..But after reading all the posts, i doubt it.Ill post my results when i hear from the doctor...I received in the mail a message from ulong..stating i should try Serostim and th907...dont even know what the heck that is..If someone knows pleasecan u email me...thank you for your time and patience..Ubotts

Logged

Live Love Laugh and dance like no ones watching.Laughter is the best medicine, so try to have a laugh everyday..Even if your not feeling your best, think about something that was funny at one time in your life and work with it.. )

I hope this makes you feel better but around christmas I wasn't even fitting into my fat clothes. (The clothes you keep buying real cheap to just get you through this period.) 30lbs all in the belly area. I was horrified. I'm not on meds!!! My boyfriend is on meds and he got a huge belly too...I thought it was sympathetic weight but then I started reading about the side affects. I felt so ugly and miserable. I was feeling sorry for myself. My soon to be ex started dating this drop dead gorgeous, great body girl that made "the first wive's club" light go off. It's amazing what will motivate you. We totally changed are diets and started really exercising. The kind I really hate stomach crunches and sit ups. We noticed a difference after a few months. I lost the 30 (which was incredibly challenging for me) but Jack's body is definitely became more sculpted by the workout. He also eats alot more than me so the weight came off a little slower for him. I don't know if the meds react differently to a woman's body and is it permanent?

During my big belly period I did have an attitude like I can still feel good...as long as I'm not trying on clothes. I would compensate in other areas. I would get highlights, or buy a facial pack just to try to feel a little prettier. And it worked, as shallow as that may sound. Cause what your doing is really taking some time out for yourself. As carrie from "Sex in the City" would say "BREATHE AND REBOOT".

well, isn't it nice to hear from women who are facing the same problems like us? I thought I was the only one who feels ugly! But it is not everyday, sometimes I feel better but most of the times, I don't even want to look in the mirror.

I hate it when it is summer because it means short sleeves for tops which means showing off the slim arms with a lot of veins, same with the legs. However, apart from the belly, I hate to see the way my hips are deteriorating............................they are going fast and so fast...........................................

But anyway, maybe we should be thankful for the life first and foremost and everything later..........

I received in the mail a message from ulong..stating i should try Serostim and th907...dont even know what the heck that is..If someone knows pleasecan u email me...thank you for your time and patience..Ubotts Kiss

Sorry Ubotts, I hope my second PM was a little clearer. It was pretty wordy.

What I was basically trying to say is:

1. They're trying out a drug right now (TH9507) to see if it helps with the added-fat kind of lipodystrophy. It's being used in a clinical trial.

2. If you want to consider it, changing your HIV medications might keep you from being able to try the TH9507. The rules for a clinical trial can be picky and they might not let you in after a recent switch. So I wanted to let you know about it before you changed your HIV meds to try and help your lipodystrophy.

3. I tried TH9507, it worked really well for me. It made a big difference in my lipo.

I didn't mean to imply you should try anything; God knows I cringe when I read posts like "don't touch Sustiva, you'll go crazy!" What drugs work for me may be totally different than what works for you. People shouldn't be scared onto or away from anything just because of what happened to some other random person. I'll tell you what worked for me, or what I did, but that doesn't mean if you do the same thing that you will get the same results.

I was just trying to let you know there might be another option. I'm not sure most women have the time and patience to sift through all the information flying around to hear about a clinical trial. Or to hear from another woman who has done one. I don't think anyone else has posted on the women's board here about it. It's just another 2 cents.

Lisbeth,Hey, I'm new here and I read your post. Don't worry, I know I've had my days of feeling very unattractive. I find makeup makes me feel better. Buy a new outfit and I know you'll feel better about yourself. Focus on enjoying your time with your sisters. Good times with people you love will bring great memories for life.Shari

HI Shari..In my case i dont even want to go shopping..i was a size 14 for yrs now i needa size 16..I always had a nice size bust and loved to wear tight fitting tangtops,but now with my budda belly, i cant do that this summer..Maybe ill get used to this and it wont bother me as much but this is the first summer i look like crapola.My face still looks good. Infact if got fuller..(go figure) my hair has changed but istill have alot of it even though it thinned out during the last yr, so i cut it shortand made it work for me..But as far as putting on a bathingsuit..OMG..i look and feel like the cartoon hippos wearing a little tutu....Some how some way, this will change if i have to go to every doctor, read all infomation, and search till i go blind. Iam determined..........aint no stopping a good women, is there..

Logged

Live Love Laugh and dance like no ones watching.Laughter is the best medicine, so try to have a laugh everyday..Even if your not feeling your best, think about something that was funny at one time in your life and work with it.. )

I SO empathise, (see other thread). All the good friends who say at 6'2" 210lbs isnt hideous are kind, but its how I feel. Am a UK size 18 20, even feel like my FEET are fat! Yes sure can get trendy clothes but I'm not the person I used to be/want to be. Have been offered a drug trial for the lipo/drug enduced weight gain and will keep you informed.In the meantime, try to hang on to what I do...whats in the mirror now is not neccessarily what others see...from your posts and those of others your'e all FAR more beautiful and important than those extra pounds.I know its hard.Maybe we should set up a kinda clothes swapshop here?

Logged

I know i'm going to enjoy the party in the afterlife, but do you all mind that I'm going to be VERY late!!!

tHANK U FOR YOUR POST..YOUR RIGHT..IT DOES MATTER WHATS IN THE INSIDE ..I JUST GOT BACK FROMTHE DRS OFFICE TODAY AND THEY GAVEME TRUVADA INSTEAD OF COMBIVIAR..THEY SAID THAT TRUVADA HAS NOAZT IN IT..AND THIS IS THE NEW DRUG THAT WILL STOP THE SKINNY LEGS ARMS AND BIG BELLY..ID REALLY LIKE TO WEAR MY BIKINI AGAIN AND STRUTMY STUFF ALONG THE SHORE..i FEEL GOT, BUT I DONT LOOK GOOD..I WANTSOME KIND OF UNITY HERE..DO U UNDERSTAND WHAT IAM GOING THOUGH?

Logged

Live Love Laugh and dance like no ones watching.Laughter is the best medicine, so try to have a laugh everyday..Even if your not feeling your best, think about something that was funny at one time in your life and work with it.. )

Abso.F@@@ing.lutely. Having this virus is tough enough without all the 'little extras'[ it brings. I now cant take part in the drug trial because one of its constituents is bad for high blood pressure which is caused by my...weight gain!Sweetheart, We'll offer every support we can. I agree, feeling good about yourself physically as well as mentally can really help. It just goes to show that I'm afraid this is not being rearched/taken seriously enough YET. I want to strut my stuff too. Feel like a desirable and sexy woman again...we need to start really impressing on our treatment providers/ID Doctors that this isnt just vanity...its sanityxx

Logged

I know i'm going to enjoy the party in the afterlife, but do you all mind that I'm going to be VERY late!!!

. I agree, feeling good about yourself physically as well as mentally can really help. It just goes to show that I'm afraid this is not being rearched/taken seriously enough YET. I want to strut my stuff too. Feel like a desirable and sexy woman again...we need to start really impressing on our treatment providers/ID Doctors that this isnt just vanity...its sanityxx

Thank you. If you had breast cancer, would it be considered just cosmetic to have reconstructive surgery? Would you have to listen to doctors say that you didn't die of the cancer, so be happy with how you look? I'm not sure I'm even asking to "strut my stuff", I'd just like to not appear freakish. It's one thing to be overweight, and quite another to have rolls of fat where they shouldn't be, like your feet. The fat gain is a result of a medical condition. Not just too many Twinkies, though those don't help.

I finally got my PA to get me Serostim, I hope it works again for me. But I still have to exercise a lot to get any reduction in the weird fat even when I'm on it. I think part of the reason I got it is that I've lost enough muscle to freak her out.

All that fat around our waists is the kind that gives you heart attacks. We haven't been taking these meds for a long time, who knows what's going to happen?

I feel ugly too. i don't no how to stop this fat in the middle. nothing works. I'm shot and it's hard to fit in clother that are petite but big around the belly. i hope you do better than me go see you family that is the best love and they don't care what our bellies look like. have fun.

Try not to get caught up in the sizes. What used to be considered an XL is like the old Medium, I think. If the guys stuff fits you better, wear that. I always wear my mans jeans. Don't be so down on yourself. You are around people that love you for you. You are beautiful, no matter what you say

You are so right, Winiroo! It's kinda like trying to keep up with Joneses but body wise. We should be proud of our bodies but it is- Oh so hard Thanks for sharing the pic! I have a lovely c-section scar thrown in there too so mine is a mess of stretch marks, scars and left over skin Crunches here I come

Moon- I am definately going to check out those 512's. I have big time chicken legs too!

Wendy, thanks for sharing that picture. It shows that you have incredible self-acceptance, and I for one admire that highly.

I buy all my clothes at Goodwill; sometimes the Salvation Army if they don't smell too musty. I did buy myself a brand new pair of winter boots back in December. I don't worry excessively about my body's appearance. Of course, if I ballooned up to 250 or something, I'm sure that would make me take notice. But other than that, I really don't get too concerned.

Logged

I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

I can so relate to this topic. As women we are our own worse critic and having the disease only makes it worse. Everyone keeps talking about weight gain, I personally haven't experienced that, I'm just the opposite, i have a trouble keeping weight on I'm 5'7 and weigh 118 pounds that's what i weighed when i was in High school. I've been on meds now for 3 years and I'm looking forward to gaining a few pounds. But only in the right spots. My late husband used to tell me that beauty comes from within and no matter what you look like on the outside, because if one holds a true inner beauty, that it will shine on the outside for the world to see.And i agree with the women here; do a little something for your self, it always makes me feel better. And always remember that your family loves you just the way you are. And take a look in the mirror and tell yourself how beautiful you are every day and you will start feeling like you are. Take carePaulette

for some reason i thought stretch marks dont show on white people's skin

LOL well theres your proof. I'm very light skinned. They dont show as bad as they did when I first got them. At first they where purple but they have faded over the years. My daughter in law whose due date is today has red/purple streaks all over her belly, thighs and rear.