Happy New Year darlings. New start and all that jazz. But not really. People will change if they need it, if they're capable. Here's to finding the strength to being the people we want to be.And a bloody good night.

To me you are infinate.Always always always. Now and forever.Beyond death. Beyond life. Beyond faith.Whether thats the beauty of life, or the beauty of you. I don't know."Why" doesn't matter."How" doesn't matter.Just "is". Was always, and always will be. You.

Some say love shouldn't be held on a pedestal. Mostly it's confusing, disastrous, hurtful. Beautiful, yes, so beautiful. But there are so many other beautiful things to live for, not just love. The stars, infinite and beyond human capacity. The world. Damn, the world is beautiful. Why not go, see, revel in the wonder? Art, not all, but some touches you in that part of your soul that you so desperately keep from all around you. The smallest, most hidden corner is drawn out, exposed. Faith, faith in God, faith in people. Just the hope that there is so much more than the here and now, the magnificence we can see is not pure coincidence. These may be a result of love. But I think it's a result of the passion human beings are born with. Love and these are the same thing. No more, no less.

I wish I could put into poetic words how my life is getting more and more chaotic. I wish I could beautifully say just how I'm falling apart. But I can't. It's crude, it's disastrous. It's not poetic, it's not beautiful. Maybe in years to come it will be. Right now, my head is going to explode and it all hurts so much. I can't do this.

"We sat down and planned our future over tequila and lager.I've planned a thousand futures over a thousand drunken conversations. But for some reason this one stuck. This one hurt when your promises fell through.A thousand futures, a thousand drunken kisses. This one stuck."

"Its ok. This is ok. I'm ok.It hurts, yes. Maybe one day I'll find out why I wasn't meant for you. I won't wait for you. I won't hold onto something I've lost. But to close my heart would be foolish. I'm in pain, but I'm ok. You're too good to hate."x

I have been so slack with this blog. I have so many pictures to post of summer and everything.London Baby.My beautiful boys. Well. He's not my beautiful boy. He's the creepy speedo's man in regents park.And more recent London.The Frieze Art Fair.xx