"In all of living have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured!"~ Gordon B. Hinckley

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Some Christmastime Hope

Well, I had another doctor's appointment today. My stomach has been having a worse time the past few days, and I needed to have another follow-up monthly visit anyways, plus it was time to start seriously planning for an endoscopy (blah). I was thinking about it yesterday, and I realized that even more than my fear of actually going through the endoscopy, I'm afraid of what we'll find out.

Based on what I've heard from other people, and what I've read online and in forums and whatnot, probably either they won't be able to figure out what's wrong and the whole thing will be a bit of a waste, or they'll find out it's what they thought it was...which is incurable and not effectively treatable. That's harder to swallow than an endoscope. Carrying on one day at a time through the ins and outs of nauseousness with the blind hope of someday getting better is one thing. Having someone sit you down and say, "you're sick, and you will be sick like this for the rest of your life", is completely different. That terrifies me. Even though in my mind I've very nearly accepted that this will be a struggle for the rest of my life, having it officially confirmed is somehow much worse. And since my 'fight or flight' switch is permanently in the 'flight' position, in my mind it seems like running from it and avoiding it will remove my problems. But it won't. So I went to my appointment to schedule an endoscopy today.

It turned out to be a good move actually, and now I'm feeling a bit more hopeful about this whole situation than I was expecting to. First off, I discovered that I actually haven't gained 10 pounds since my wedding like I thought I had! Only 5! Which is about the same as I was before my health and weight plummet a week or so before the wedding, so a good healthy normal Karin weight that I've maintained even after 5 months of married life! Also, they did a blood test and found out that I am not anemic like I was afraid I was. I'm at the lower end of normal, but still normal. Yay! And I have a nice cool painfully deep little bruise from where they stabbed me. My doctor also decided that I should go in for an ultrasound to check out my gallbladder first before the endoscopy. It's less expensive, and less invasive, and there's a chance they'll figure out what's wrong that way and I won't even have to get an endoscopy! That most likely won't be the case, but maybe.

Also, I've been taking peppermint oil occasionally for the nausea and it seems to help sometimes. The doctor said the fact that peppermint effects my symptoms helps narrow things down a bit, and prescribed me some medication that has a similar effect, but stronger.

She also said I should keep a complete food log of everything I eat, and after we get the ultrasound and endoscopy out of the way in the next week or two, if we still haven't found our culprit, she's sending me to an allergist. And we're going to test for like everything and see if it's food that's the problem. I already know I'm allergic to most fruits, vegetables, nuts, and soy, so hopefully I'm not gluten intolerant or something on top of all that, or I really won't be able to eat like any food.

So basically, steps are in place to make progress towards something. Who knows if we'll actually find anything...and even if we do, we probably won't like what we find...but I'm still feeling hopeful. It's all going to be kind of rushed because I want to get it taken care of before I leave my health benefits at Costco, so my Christmas present to myself is to get the ultrasound, endoscopy, and allergist appointment all done and out of the way before the Holidays! And it's quite the pricey gift too! A couple hundred for the ultrasound plus a couple thousand for the endoscopy (Aetna please help us out here!). But I guess if it makes me well again it will be more than worth it!