A/N: Is this
"IC" enough? I would like to think it is, but some parts of
it…well, seem weak to me, even as I think that other parts are
totally awesome. So, let me know what you think.

When Ueda made his way
to Naoko's apartment that evening, his original intention wasn't to
get her drunk. Really it wasn't, though Naoko would accuse him of it
later after vaguely recalling that she might have said something
embarrassing.

No, what Ueda Jirou
wanted was an answer. That was all.

It had been a few
months since he'd seen the flat-breasted magician – he'd been
caught up in teaching at the university and putting together his
third novel: Donto Koi Chojyo Gensho Part 3. But as he was scanning
his notes once more before submitting the completed text to his
publisher, the envelope that Naoko's mother had given him fell to the
floor. Of course he re-read the riddle it contained, and of course
he now had an uncontrollable urge to obtain its solution from the
biggest pain in the ass he had ever had the misfortune to meet.

And so Ueda made his
way to the run-down apartment, with great timing as always – she
wasn't home, and he could situate himself inside however he liked.
Getting into her room had been simple for quite some time, because
Ikeda, the landlord, had given Ueda a spare key to the apartment.
Ueda figured this was partially because he had paid Naoko's rent a
few times, and partially because she knew that it annoyed her tenant
to no end when she walked in and found Ueda sitting on her floor.

It was amusing to watch
Yamada try to figure out how he had gotten in each time.

By the time Naoko came
home, Ueda had brewed himself a cup of tea and was reading the daily
newspaper. She was wearing one of her magician costumes and looked
very...forlorn. It was an expression he had only seen on her two or
three times, and it did not suit her at all. In fact, she seemed so
down that she didn't notice him at first.

"Ueda!" she
shouted; damn that loud woman. At least she didn't have that
pitiful expression on her face anymore. "Don't
strong you /strong know it's rude to walk into other
people's houses while they're gone?" She tossed her bag to the
floor and took a few angry steps forward.

He ignored her.
"Aren't you going to offer me a cup of tea?"

"You've done it
yourself."

"That's because I
know you're too rude a woman to offer it. I made enough for you to
have some if — you're already drinking it."

He grimaced as Naoko
gulped down her tea and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.
Honestly, did this woman even know the meaning of the word "manners"?

"I'm not helping
you," she said nonchalantly as she plopped down on the floor across
from him.

"What?"

"You only come here
when you want something, and I'm not helping you this time. Every
time you ask me to go somewhere with I find out you lied about the
resort or I almost I die or both! The last time you dragged me out—"

"As if I'd ever ask
someone like YOU to be a Kami," Ueda interjected, but she ignored
him.

"—it was a complete
disaster. Do you know how long it took me to shave my—"

"Shave your what?"
he asked with interest, leaning forward on the table. He'd never
had any confirmation as to where her hair had grown during that
particular incident.

"N…nothing! Shut
up!" she stammered. As if she'd tell him that her "happy
trail" had been a complete forest! "Anyway, the point is, I'm
not helping you this time, so you may as well just leave."

He was about to make a
snarky reply, but he saw that flicker of sadness in her eyes again,
and it made him hold his tongue. He wasn't sure why, but whenever
she looked like that it felt like there was a lead weight in the pit
of his stomach. She was supposed to be rude and greedy and sassy and
full of life…

"Go out with me,"
he said without much thought, and berated himself mentally when he
realized what he'd said.

"EH?"

"To dinner, I mean.
My treat. You don't have any food here, you know. Tea just isn't
as good without sweets to go with it. You really are a poor host."

"You were gonna eat
my food, too? Even though you know I have no money? You jerk!"
She had a thoughtful look in her eyes though, which quickly turned to
one of suspicion.

"You're trying to
bribe me, aren't you?"

He gazed at her evenly.
"No."

She peered into his
eyes for a few moments, which made him uncomfortable as always, but
he held his ground. Finally, she nodded. "Okay. Fine."

And that's how, hours
later, he found himself walking down the street with Naoko clinging
to his back, her legs wrapped tightly around his waist and her head
resting on his shoulder. He could tell he wasn't quite as flat as
he claimed she was – he could feel her small buds pressing into his
back as she squeezed him.

Next time he'd pick a
restaurant they couldn't walk to so he could just drag her out of
the car and into her apartment.

Wait a second…next
time? There wouldn't BE a next time.

In all honesty, he had
only ordered sake because he thought that they could both do with a
little bit of relaxing. He really only meant for them to get a
little buzz, and he was watching their intake carefully. Drink for
drink he matched her, and by the time he realized that his larger
frame had given him a higher tolerance to alcohol, she was completely
soused.

"WHEE!" Yamada
squealed as Ueda bounded up the steps to her apartment. "Giddy up,
Ueda!" She bounced up and down and dug her heels into his sides.
Ugh, her voice was so shrill…

"Not so hard, woman,"
he muttered as he unlocked her apartment. She was probably too drunk
to notice he had his own key.

"Oi," he said when
they got inside shaking her a little bit. "Get off. You need
sleep."

"No," she
declared, stubbornly hanging on to his neck. "I like it here."

"Eh?"

"I'm happy you
came," she said, squeezing him until he could barely breathe. "It
gets so lonely…"

"Okay," he managed
to get out, frantically trying to pry her arms from around his neck.
"You really need sleep. Come on, get off!"

She fell to the floor
with a thud. "Owww," she whined, rubbing her rump. "Ueda,
you're so mean!"

"Shut up. You're
too loud." He made to leave, but Naoko stopped him easily.

"Aren't you going
to ask me your question?"

He stopped in his
tracks. How did she know? He purposely didn't turn around to face
her. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Hnnn, and I thought
you really wanted to know the answer to that riddle…"

This time he did turn
around. She was still on the floor, looking up at him almost
innocently. "How did you know?" He asked, clearly shocked. "You
couldn't see my pupils shrink or my nose twitch or –"

Hehehehehehe!" she
giggled, loud and shrill like always. "You can't lie to me,
Ueda-san." She pointed up at him roughly, her arm swaying a bit.
"I can see into your heart."

"My…heart?" he
said slowly. "Don't you mean you can read my mind?"

"Stupid," she
replied with a snort. "Of course I can't. No one would want to
see in there, anyway."

There was a short span
of silence before Naoko spoke again, flopping down on her back
drunkenly. "I'll tell you if you stay here tonight."

"EH?"

"I mean," she said
hurriedly, "I have a stalker. He just found out where I live, and I
feel a little uncomfortable, so—"

"As if I'd believe
a lie like that," he muttered, running a hand through his hair
nervously.

"If you don't
believe me, look out that window," she said, pointing to the one in
question…with her foot.

"Tch." He obliged
her and looked out the window. Sure enough, there was a largish man
on the street below. The moment he saw Ueda's head at the window,
he spun a little noisemaker in one hand. The other hand was holding
his binoculars steady. Apparently, he couldn't tell who was
actually looking outside, just that it was the proper apartment.
Ueda pulled his head back in sharply.

"See?" she drawled.

"Fine. I'll stay.
But you have to tell me what was in your envelope."

It didn't take long
for Naoko to fall asleep, leaving Ueda wide-awake and leaning against
the wall next to her. It was somewhat astonishing how quickly she
could just pass out like that. He had been seriously considering
putting her through a sleep study for some time now.

"Mmmmm…chocolate
mousse cake…." she groaned. He hadn't been planning on staying
the night, or he'd have brought his recorder with him. "Banana
split…with strawberries…and sprinkles…" He could've used it
to annoy her later.

"ZOOOOOOONE!"

"Zooooone again?"
he grumbled, rolling his eyes. She really needed to let that one go.

"Ueda…"

He glanced at her, a
bit alarmed. Was she dreaming about him?

"Ueda…are you
awake?" she mumbled. Stupid sleep talkers.

"Aa."

"I'm sorry…I lied
to you…" she snuggled deeper into the blanket he had draped over
her earlier.

"That guy outside
isn't a stalker?"

"Nnn….he's a
fan."

"You don't have any
fans."

"My only fan…goes
to all my shows…follows us on trips…stands outside my window…"

"…Isn't that a
stalker?"

But she wasn't done
yet. "And I can't see into your heart…"

"I know
that…flat-breasts…" no reaction. She was definitely asleep.
And weirding him out.

"I took the envelope
out of your pocket when you weren't looking…."

"OI!" He wasn't
sure why he was so surprised. He knew she sometimes could amount to
nothing but a common thief. But he tried not to yell at her TOO
loudly, because he wanted her to keep going.

"And I was never
going to tell you what was in my envelope…"

He looked down at the
floor and muttered, "I knew that, too…" So why had he stayed?

"…because I never
opened it…"

Well…this was new.
She hadn't opened it? After she clearly said she would open it
later? It had been months and her curiosity hadn't kicked in?

If he didn't know any
better, he'd say he was a cad. But he'd only opened his because
she said she was going to open hers, dammit! "It was all your
fault!" he said aloud to make himself feel better.

"But it was all your
fault…" oh, she was still rambling? He needed to remember to
stuff alcohol down her throat next time he wanted the truth out of
her.

"Left the
treasure…because of your stupid message…"

There was that
statement again. She'd never told him when she had seen the
treasure, or why it just happened to be his fault that they didn't
get it.

"…bet you didn't
mean it anyway…baka Ueda…" she rolled over, and then fell
silent.

"Didn't mean what?
Be more clear next time," he muttered. Hadn't she completely
ignored his message? How was that his fault?

…Wait a minute.
Maybe….what if….

He reached over and
snatched Naoko's tote-bag-like purse, digging around in it until he
found a sharpie and a piece of paper to recreate the message he had
carved into the log.

"Aitai ima kara.
Shitsurana tehai," he read the message horizontally, as it was
meant to be read. "I want to see you now. Prepare shizurana."
She had only ran into him by accident, and she definitely hadn't
prepared the antidote like he'd told her to.

But she had been so
keen to keep him from reading that same message vertically later on…

"Aishite imasu.
Takara wa iranai," he sounded out for the first time. "I love
you. I don't care about treasure."

He slumped back against
the wall, his breath rushing out of his lungs with a whoosh of air.
Could it be? Had she read it vertically? His mind raced. Surely
she must have realized that the odds of him accidentally phrasing his
message in such a way to get two coherent thoughts were phenomenally
low. She must have assumed that he had meant it, and then…and
then…

He remembered her look
of relief after he had escaped from the holding cell. She had run
right into him, looking desperate…

He stared hard at the
message. He was intending to tease Naoko mercilessly about her
confession in the morning, but now he was thinking he should just let
it go. For such a relevant message to surface like this – it
couldn't just be a coincidence, right?

He regarded Naoko's
sleeping form warmly, and tucked the message into his pocket. This
message…his feelings, were they the same? It was certainly a
matter that deserved contemplation.

And so he would think.

And then…and then he
would tell her.

Eventually.

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