Category: Bad Fiction

is a book that I wrote two years ago when I had too much time on my hands. I have sent it out to see if it could be published, but as of now it has not been published. I think that it is of good enough quality to be published, but who knows? So I will just post a teaser on this blog and maybe somebody will express some interest in it.

The story is basically a mix between ‘Waiting for Godot’ by Beckett and “Cheech and Chong”. I mainly wrote it to practice writing dialog, mostly meaningless dialog, but dialog (which seems difficult to write). So check out some of the chapter names, and later on I will post most of the first chapter. (The book is 15 chapters and about 400 pages).

Here is the chapter list for ‘Looking for Area 420’ by Shane Zentz:

Chapter 1: “Waking from a dream”

Chapter 2: “Off the Hook”

Chapter 3: “High and Dry”

Chapter 4: “Area 471”

Chapter 5: “Mario Quixote Saves the Day”

Chapter 6: “Waking from another dream”

Chapter 7: “Westward Ho”

Chapter 8: “You dreamed about poles”

Chapter 9: “Would you stay on the bus or get off?”

Chapter 10: “Mary-Ann or Ginger?”

Chapter 11: “The Doritos Chapter”

Chapter 12: “Danger and Laughing Down LA Way”

Chapter 13: “Out of This World”

Chapter 14: “The Buzz Kill”

Chapter 15: “This is Real Life man”

If you are interested in publishing this book (or reading the full book), then contact me at shane@shanezentz.com , also contact me with any questions, or comments, etc.

“Are you sure that those muffins will make me taller”, Jimmy Footballs asked? “Yes, of course they make you taller”, Jack Toebeard replied. Jimmy scratched his chin while thinking over the whole situation. His friend Jerry had told him about this Jack Toebeard who made some special muffins that were said to make a person grow taller. Jimmy was trying to remember exactly what Jerry had said. “These muffins made a friend of mine go from five feet and four inches tall to six feet and five inches tall in just a couple of days”, Jerry had told Jimmy. “But you will have to buy the special muffin in order to grow a lot taller in a short period of time”, Jack said causing character to snap out of his mini-trance. “Oh, I see”, Jimmy said. “And what is the deal with this special muffin”, Jimmy asked? “Well it is a magic muffin, and it takes a long time to make and it is a difficult process, but the results are almost unbelieving”, Jack said. “And how much will this magic muffin cost me”, Jimmy asked? “$500”, Jack said stoutly and confidently. “Wow, that is one expensive muffin”, Jimmy said emphaticly. “Well if you want to grow taller, then I would think that it would be worth it”, Jack said. “You are right”, Jimmy said. “And if I buy this magic muffin today, when would it be ready”, Jimmy asked? “You buy it today, it be ready one week”, Jack said. Jimmy thought about it and realized that he was going to have to pay the $500 and give it a try. At five feet and two inches tall he always felt somehow less than others who were a more normal size and he always wanted to find a way to grow taller. Even though everyone, including doctors, had told him that it would be impossible for him to grow any taller, especially at his age. So he writes out a check for $500 and hands it to Jack, who tells him to come back in one week to pick it up. So Jimmy then leaves the store.

Jimmy’s week went by very slowly. And each day convinced him more that he had done the right thing by buying the muffin. He could not wait to see it. He could not wait to eat it and see if it would really work. He was still skeptical, early in the week while waiting for baker to create this magic muffin. But as the week went on he began to believe more and more that it just might work and that it just might do what Jack and Jerry told him that it would do. So the night before he knew that the muffin would be ready he had a difficult time trying to get to sleep. He was so excited that the next day he would finally get his magic muffin. He did eventually fall asleep but he dreamed some very strange dreams. Very strange dreams indeed! Dreams filled with flaming cocktails, purple clouds, green cats, and spoongy, multi-colored, quick-sand like floating carpets. Very strange dreams indeed. Jimmy woke up in a haze of confusion, but soon regained his senses and remembered that today would be the day that his magic muffin would be ready. Jimmy quickly ate breakfast and then took an even quicker shower and flew out the door on his way to Jack’s.

When Jimmy arrived at baker’s he saw that his store was a little more busy than normal. So he found a place in line and waited, just like everybody else. The line was moving pretty slowly and it took an agonizing fifteen minutes or so for Jimmy to get to the front of the line. Once there Jack saw him and said that the muffin was ready, but asked him to wait until the store cleared out of customers. So Jimmy waited some more. Finally after about another twenty minutes the last customer picked up his order and left, leaving the store empty except for Jimmy and Jack. “Follow me to the back”, Jack said. Jimmy followed Jack to the back of the store which contained a lot of industrial baking equipment.

“It’s right over here”, Jack said pointing to a box that was about the size of a washing machine. “Where”, Jimmy asked? “In this box”, Jack said. Then Jack opened the top of the box and looked in with a smile. “Feast you eyes on this beauty”, Jack said with a grin. Jimmy couldn’t imagine how a muffin would be in so large of a box, so he was very curious to see what was in it. He walked closer to the box and pulled his head up to the top of the box and looked down into it. The muffin was about the size of an oven and was a dark brown color with wierd colored spots evident in the top of it. When he saw the size of the muffin, he almost choked! When he got a whiff of the smell of it, he almost puked! “Whew, is that one big muffin and boy does it stink”, Jimmy exclaimed! “Well, that is what makes you grow, so it has to stink like that and it has to be that size to have an effect”, Jack said while laughing. “Do I have to eat the whole thing”, Jimmy asked? “Yes, of course you do”, Jack replied.

Bad Benz

by Shane Zentz
It started to shake. Only just a little at first, but then, more and more. The air wistled through the cracks in the windows and windsheild. The lights of the others passing lit up the interior. The whole body shook with a dip in the road. The suspension was suspended up and then suspended down, and on so down the road. The smell of burning oil and rotten old metal filled the air inside the car. More shaking and more shaking, and I keep saying, “Just a few more miles, just get me home”! A strange noise eminated from the rear of the car. Somewhere from the rear. An odd noise. A noise never before heard, from this car or from any other. Was it a sign? Was the car finally dying? Would the car make it home? There was that noise again. Only a little louder this time. More threatening. Another light on the dashboard. A new warning light this time. One that has not come on before. One whose meaning was completely unknown. Was it a serious issue or something minor? Did it have something to do with the new noise coming from the backseat? More cars pass by as if the Benz was standing still. Still more cars go by. The Benz is still going, very slowly and very, very unsurely, but still going. Somehow still going. Only a few miles to home now. “Only a little more to go now, just keep going”, I say to the Bad Benz. More smoke coming from the rear of the car and the engine seems even more sluggish now. Sputtering every so often as if trying to take it’s last exhausted breath. How much further could it go? Would it make it home?