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Monday, February 17, 2014

Preposterous Statement Tournament VI Xfinity Region Picks

It’s a
tradition unlike any other, and it’s upon us once again. Yep, it’s time for the Preposterous Statement
Tournament on the Common Man Progrum on KFAN yet again. All year, homers from
across the metro area and around the country say things that are utterly
ridiculous, and this is where they come to shine. Real strong field this year, as years in
which the Vikings falter and fall far short of expectations generally produce
some astounding statements in hindsight.
Christian Ponder’s ineptitude is probably the dominant topic, but Adrian
Peterson’s exaggerated (but still significant) dominance had a big hand in this
field as well. Another factor to
consider is some of the hilarious comments from Twins brass and commentators
about that club and its pitching in particular.
It’s as hilarious to look at as it was to was hard to watch. Without further ado, here are my picks for
the first round.

Xfinity Region

1. Paul Allen
said “I believe the Minnesota Vikings will go to the NFC Title Game this year,
and the team to go to the Super Bowl this year out of the NFC will either be us
or the Atlanta Falcons.” OVER the winner of the say-in game.

PA sets the
tone with this one early, as his blind homerism and purple Ray-Bans helped him
spit this out during one of his preseason “Friday Football Feasts” in
August. Not a spectacular entry, but a
very solid number one seed and consistent performer, much like a Duke.

9. Jerry Kill
on Richard Pitino “He’s taken the hard path and I like that.” OVER 8. NFL Ref Bernie Kukar explaining
how refs are chosen for the Super Bowl “Normally they don’t take the guys that
worked the championship games into the Super Bowl…they usually take them out of
the first or second round of the playoffs because they don’t want a guy sitting
around for 5 weeks not having any games to officiate—they could get a little
rusty.”

These 8-vs-9
matchups are always the toughest to call, and it’s certain that NFL refs can
get rusty over the course of a month before calling the Super Bowl is certainly
preposterous in its own right, but saying Richard Pitino, the Gophers 31 year
old men’s basketball coach has taken “the hard path” is simply absurd. It’s certainly possible that Country Jer just
doesn’t know anything about college basketball and doesn’t know who Rich’s dad
is, but this is not unlike praising Jim Pohlad for taking the hard road to
owning the Twins. It must have been real
tough for Jim making enough money to buy the Twins inheriting the Twins,
much like it must’ve been pretty fucking hard for Rich to get into college
coaching when his old man is literally one of the greatest college coaches of
all time.

5. Mike
Pelfrey “Sometimes the pitcher is the hardest guy to face.” OVER
12. Brandel Chamblee one the 2-stroke penalty on Tiger Woods in the Masters,
“This cast a dark shadow over the entire day of golf, over this entire event,
but more importantly over his entire career for the rest of his life.”

This one kind
of speaks for itself. In Pelfrey’s
defense, they’re all kind of the hardest guy to face, though.

4. Solomon
Wilcots “There are some QBs that need playmakers and there are some that are
playmakers.” regarding Christian Ponder. OVER
13. Jon Gruden on Josh Freeman’s struggles to understand the Vikings playbook,
“This is very sophisticated, complex football.”

Soloman’s
statement got a rough seeding from the Tournament Committee IMO, as it has the
ceiling of a number one overall seed.
Think UConn the year they won as a 4 seed with Kemba Walker or perhaps
even like the first Gator team that won it all with Horford and Noah. 4 seed is a travesty
because this very well may be a HOF comment.
I don’t know about all of you, but I don’t call doing your 3-step-drop
and then panicking when the first guy isn’t open 6 yards downfield and scrambling
for fucking 3 yards playmaking, I call it utter futility.

6. Stuart
Scott called celebrity basketball game “one of the most anticipated events in
sports”. OVER 11. Ray Edwards said
to Common, “you worked your way to get to the top.”

Now for me
personally, I don’t find this all that ridiculous because the Celebrity
All-Star softball game during the MLB All-Star break and the NBA celebrity
basketball game are two of my favorite events of the year. I love seeing fucking Nick Cannon jack up
threes and Terrell Owens get traded halfway through the game. I can’t wait to see Michael Rappaport post up
Ruth Riley on the low block. So for me,
it’s appointment fucking television. But
all you “normal” people out there literally couldn’t give two shits.

14. Dick
Bremer “Correia is probably more upset he fell behind on the count 3-1 than
giving up the HR.” OVER 3. Randi
Kaye “I feel like every time I’m doing a news story it's like giving birth.”

Uh oh! Upset city.
Real strong showing for Richard in this tournament and well deserved as
he’s someone who I’ve long thought is an underrated titan of the preposterous
statement game. He may as well have said, "Jim is probably more upset this morning because he's hung over than he is after checking his balance and seeing he spent $120 last night." D'ohhhhkay. Nice
matchup for the 14-seed here too, because I really don’t know what the fuck
Randi Kaye meant by this.

7. Paul
Charchian stated the opportunity for a fan to announce the Vikings 4th
round draft pick would be “life changing.” OVER
10. John Bonnes said watching batting practice at Wrigley Field was a “top 5
moment” in his life.

This is a
tough matchup, as Bonnes’ comment about BP at Wrigley Field is pretty hilarious
in a vacuum, but I have to go with Charch calling this opportunity
“life-changing.” Life-changing how,
Paul? I can’t think of one fucking
situation where this could possibly change a life in any manner. Maybe backstage at the draft a groupie thinks
you’re a player and you cheat on your wife or something. That’s all I can come up with. I’m speechless.

2. Mike
Wobschall (Vikings.com writer) said, “We don’t need Christian to be a 4,000
yard passer with 30 TDs. That’s not what
we’re going to be. Leslie Frazier
doesn’t want that.” OVER 15. Henry Lake
said RGIII will be Rookie of the Year because, “we have been hit over the head
with RGIII since the Subway commercials in training camp.”

Even though
what Lake said here sounds exactly like something I said about Charles Woodson
when he was on the Packers, Wobby wins this one going away. Ask Leslie Frazier now whether he wishes he had
a 4K yard passer, maybe he’d still be employed (as a head coach).