Notice something? Every reporter who has sources with the Yankees is floating the “A-Rod could just quit and the Yankees could collect insurance money” line. Brace yourselves, but it’s almost as if these guys are parroting Randy Levine and Lonn Trost’s most desperate fever dreams rather than, you know, applying an ounce of critical thinking to the matter.

Teams don’t insure a lot of position players but the Yankees wisely insured A-Rod’s record $275-million pact, and word is significant missed time could result in the Yankees recovering 80 percent of the bucks due A-Rod, provided the insurer doesn’t put up its own stink.

“Put up its own stink.” Classic, complete with an implied “this is a great plan as long as those lame insurance companies don’t kill our buzz with their irrational objections.”

The implied “they might not put up their own stink” is great too. Because insurance companies love nothing more than to pay out nine-figure claims, made with dubious-at-best motives. They wouldn’t fight this, nah never. They’re always looking for a way to get the policyholder the money they ask for. Paying it forward and such.

On the other hand, .. whether ARod is conclusively linked to this latest scandal or not he’s not walking away from 114 mil. Insurance companies are run by a bunch of ruthless SOBs, .. and no insurance company in the world is coughing up 90+ mil to pay off ARod unless there is ABSOLUTELY no alternative.

The hysteria surrounding this story is beginning to take on a life of it’s own. What if, .. after all the hoopla it turns out ARod wasn’t involved with this nonsense. What if his surgery was a success and he has a come back year?

He’ll still get accused of ‘roiding it. Seriously, if I’m this guy, I embrace it now. Go out there swank it up, talk shit about all the press making stuff up about me, treat ‘em like Bonds used to treat ‘em. At this point there’s no reason not to. If I’m ARod and I know these allegations are so much h*rseshit (because, hey, the possibility that Alex Rodriguez, the New York Yankee, might in fact have had nothing to DO with this, and never mind that this doesn’t fit the narrative these punk asses are spewing) I’m calling a press conference and ripping these guys up an down as a bunch of yellow dog journalists who’ve pimped their integrity for chance to act more outraged than the next guy. Not only sold out their integrity but also urged a public figure to commit fraud.

fanofevilempire - Jan 30, 2013 at 4:56 PM

yeah the Insurance Co. are giving money away…………
and nobody working for them knows about A-Rod, PED’s and the Yankees.
this plan is awesome.

Jon Heyman is a hall of fame writer. His fundamentals are sound and he passes the eye test…..his sentences are always complete and I rarely see him use words that aren’t actually words.

Plus he has grit. And can get an article in just before the deadline so he’s also clutch.

cur68 - Jan 30, 2013 at 2:30 PM

I’ve never seen any bacne on Heyman’s work but he’s never denied writing without the help of “enhancement”. I can tell from looking at Craig that he’s clean, though . . . although, now that I think about it, he’s never denied using blogging enhancements…quick! Check him for bacne!

tfbuckfutter - Jan 30, 2013 at 2:32 PM

Now that you mention it, I bet he does drink an abnormal amount of coffee.

I expect that within 12 hours we’ll have people claiming that MLB’s refusal to void A-Rod’s contract is part of the UN’s mysterious “Agenda 21″, because that’s the levels of crazy we’re starting to reach for here.

Have any of these writers interviewed actual insurance company executives over this matter? That’d be nice. Then again, I guess it’s hard to fill column space when all the answers are “Fuck, no!” or some variant thereof.

After growing up in a family whose fortune was built on insurance money, I can assure you that after a few years of working in the file room for an insurance company your hemorrhoids metamorphose into musk glands. Insurance companies are genetically predisposed (hey! Corporations are people, as Justice Kennedy reminded us – probably on the wrong end of a bender) to raise a stink. All you have to do is startle them.

Ahem, you have to marinate the horses in bourbon or rum. No wonder you’ve never had bread pudding you liked. That’s like the Baptist version. Gross.

bh192012 - Jan 30, 2013 at 6:06 PM

Are you sure that’s not the recipe for Thorough bred Pudding?

Old Gator - Jan 30, 2013 at 6:59 PM

I was going to complain that there was no dulce de leche in that recipe but, after that line, what’s the point?

cur68 - Jan 30, 2013 at 7:06 PM

There be some wits lose on the ole blog today. First “A-Broad” now “Thorough-Bred Pudding”. ROFL

Ok. I’ll play but you should know that ordinarily I’m too dignified and possessed of equinimity to stoop to such pedestrian wordplay ( polishes monocle in haughty manner )

I think ‘philiac should pony up the hooch to soak the dead horses in otherwise we mustang on to the recipe we have. Failing her delivering, she should have to paint a fine. I vote switching her allegiance to Filly as punishment. I’ll waive her penalty if ARod claims her as a friend, though. Any pal of ARods is a palomino. But, without ARod’s support, she’s dun.

historiophiliac - Jan 30, 2013 at 8:03 PM

neigh

thekcubrats - Jan 30, 2013 at 1:48 PM

P.S.
What’s getting lost in this shufflin’ sycophancy symphony bumrush by the likes of that suckup courtier Heyman to come to the aid of the Yanks: the Empire can afford to eat $114M if they want to.

“The one thing an A-Rod insurance policy doesn’t give the Yankees may be the one thing they really want: luxury-tax relief. That’s because all of A-Rod’s salary from 2013 to 2017 will count toward the luxury tax in each of those seasons, even if the Yankees are reimbursed for a significant portion of that salary under the policy. So even if the insurance payout gives the Yankees the financial flexibility to sign or trade for players to replace A-Rod, the luxury tax still looms if the Yankees’ payroll (including A-Rod’s salary and the replacement player(s) salary) exceeds $189 million in 2014.”

So really, the only thing that this would affect is the team’s actual bottom line, which has never been a real issue. Even if they somehow void the contract, it doesn’t give them any payroll flexibility, it just makes the Steinbrenner’s wallets a little fatter.

ARod should be showered with rotten fruit and boos the moment to step into the on-deck circle. Yankee fans should chase him out of pinestripes the ole fashioned way. Hundreds of fans lobbing rotten tomatoes and never ending heckling every single game. Turn it into a movement, every single game there are fans there ready to throw all the garbage they can find at him.

My personal favorite insurance company story involves some homes in France falling into centuries old phosphate mines that everyone had forgotten about. THh claims(which involved some deaths) were denied because the homes were only covered against natural disasters and the old mines were considered Man Made. Which a philosophicallly inclined lawyer might contend isn’t a legal grounds as Man is part of nature- not outside nature