Female Dogs’ Expectations of Males, What to Wear to the Dog Beach this Summer

Chicago, IL – Now that June has arrived, dogs everywhere are ready to get outside. Dog-friendly beaches, like the ones in Chicago, IL, are perfect places to get exercise, enjoy fresh smells, and meet new companions.

But having a fun-filled afternoon of butt sniffing and ball chasing might not be so easy this year, say local canines. Many dogs, like Herbie (Beagle, 14 months), are finding that their female counterparts have raised standards in 2017:

Herbie alone at Montrose Dog Beach.

“Olive normally runs around with me at Montrose Dog Beach, but I’ve noticed this season that she is real choosey. She says my breath stinks, and that Pierre the French Bulldog has more muscletone than me. I’ve become very self-conscious about my body.” [Translated by Dr. Sheila Boan]

With decades of pressure from the human beauty and fashion industry, it only makes sense that our furry companions are picking up on new social cues.

“My owner leaves the TV on when she goes to work. I watch “Wendy Williams” and “The View”. I know what I’ve got! Mr. So-and-So wants me to give him the time of day? He better bring it this year.” -Tulip (Shih tzu, declined to give age)

Here are our Top 5 Tips on landing a lady at the dog beach this year:

1. Skip the sunscreen, but take a bath.

It’s all about the scent, and if all she can smell is CopperBone, you’re going to leave the beach with nothing but sand between your paws. Stay well groomed and out of the water (YUCK!).

2. If your balls aren’t clean, forget about playtime!

Tennis balls are about $3 a can. Splurge for a new toy when hitting the park. Carrying slimy, dirty balls in your mouth is a dead giveaway that you’re a mutt.

3. Pack a snack toshare.

Treats are great (unless you have a dog belly) but not if you don’t bring enough for everyone. Bring enough for that lucky lady to nibble on.

4. Play hard to get.

Some girl’s like the chase. If you think she is barking up your tree, run to the other side of the beach and wait to see if she follows. If she does, try introducing yourself to her Human to score a playdate.

5. Being a “Good Boy” is still Good, Boy.

Contrary to what you might think, girls are still looking for good boys. Bad dog behavior is a turn off this year. So sit when your Human says “sit”, come when you’re called, and watch the ladies fight for your attention!