Democrats’ Knees Continue to Jerk, No Cure in Sight

WASHINGTON – Due to extreme, overused knee-jerking on issue after issue, doctors are reporting a steep increase each year in knee problems from their patients who identify as Democrats. Sadly, the ailment is NOT covered by Obamacare.

Dr. Bernard Ackerman, an orthopedic specialist at MedStar Washington Hospital Center, described two very recent cases for us: “Just in the last 24 hours, we’ve seen numerous knee injuries from unnecessary knee-jerk reactions following the incident on the Ohio State University campus. In that case, a Somali refugee used his car and a butcher knife as deadly weapons. Within hours, and seemingly oblivious to the facts, former vice-presidential candidate Tim Kaine was tweeting about gun violence. We got him in right away.”

“Shortly after that, the founder of the anti-gun group Moms Demand Action, Shannon Watts, did the same thing. She started tweeting about lax gun laws, linking it with the OSU incident. Her knees are in terrible shape and she’s still in surgery at this time.”

At press time, authorities have located the car and knife used in the attack but, so far, no gun. In addition, none of the victims reported having been shot at.

Dr. Ackerman also stated that whether it’s an incident involving racism, sexism, xenophobia, gun violence, or whatever, Democrats are so quick to have knee-jerk reactions these days that he blames their repeated knee trauma as the reason many of them are unable to get on their knees to pray. And he should know, he’s a doctor.