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11/26/2018

Occasional Cortex: Migrants Like Jesus Fleeing Goliath

WASHINGTON (Big Hairy News) - New Democrat superstar, Occasional Cortex (RTRD-NY), called for the 'letting in' of tens of thousands of Central Americans marching on the U.S. border - comparing their plight to Jesus Of Nazareth.

"Just like Jesus fleeing Goliath in Palestine, these people are only seeking freedom from injustice and their God-given guarantee of free healthcare, housing, education, and a decent cell phone. I am demanding the immediate letting in of anyone who needs these things as per our Constitution," Cortex said on Meet The Press.

Apparently buoyed by Cortex's message, hundreds of young men in the caravan pelted U.S. Border officers with rocks while charging an entry before being finally turned back by tear gas.

Insiders say caravan leaders have drawn up plans to swarm U.S. vehicle lanes in an overwhelming display of force once joined by an additional 20,000 migrants now making their way north.