A Favorite Book

I love to read – any book, all books, big books, small books, picture books, fiction or nonfiction, old or new, electronic or leather-bound… you get the idea.

But in the last years, I’ve been really focusing on reading about and researching marriage – specifically, how marriages with husbands and wives who encourage each other make a difference in their world. So I thought I’d share a little bit about my favorite marriage/relationship books.

My 5 favorite books about marriage and relationships are:

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

The Marriage Builderby Dr. Larry Crabb

Pray Big for Your Marriage by Will Davis Jr.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Workby John M. Gottman

Heart Connections by Gordon & Gail MacDonald

The Five Love Languages

This book is my top favorite for marriage/relationship books of all time. Why? It’s simple to understand and the concepts are simple to implement. We buy lots of copies of this book and give them away.

I was first introduced to the book through the course “Marriage Works” by the Association of Christian Counsellors, and a few years ago Robert and I attended an all day seminar by Gary Chapman revolving around this book. To learn more about the author check out his bio.

His idea is that we all express our love – but our spouse may not ‘hear’ our expressions of love because we’re not speaking their ‘language’. Gary Chapman says there are 5 Love Languages: Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Physical Touch and Quality Time. Check out the assessment tool here to see what your love language is – then read the book.

You’ll be able to use this concept with your spouse, your kids, your parents and anyone else you love. In fact, there are separate volumes specifically for singles, and children.

Have you read The 5 Love Languages? What did you think?

6 Comments

Some great reads there, Lori. I just read your previous post and loved it. My husband has encouraged me to live my dreams – and I’m working towards being a writer now. It’s a little harder for me to get him to share his – still working on it.

Lori
July 8, 2011

Oh, Corinne – it’s so wonderful to hear your husband is encouraging you to live your dreams! Writing can be a solitary activity, so to know your husband is ‘on your side’ – even when you’re alone with the blank page/screen – is a powerful feeling.

One suggestion to get your husband to share, is to ask him to tell you stories about what he and his friends did as kids – what games they played. And ask his siblings/parents what books/toys were important to him. There are times when reminiscing about the good stuff of childhood can trigger a dream.

On Father’s Day, our daughter & daughter-in-love made their two fathers dinner. Between dinner and dessert they asked the two men questions about their youth. What came from that was a ‘dream’ one of the guys had to study volcanos. Then we talked about a trip to Iceland – who knows where that might lead for our daughter-in-love’s father?

I look forward to reading this book, thanks for the recommendation. I use a very similar understanding which I learned from NLP for working with singles/couples which is called the Deep Love Strategy. It makes a huge difference when you realise that you are both saying the same thing in the language you understand and they haven’t yet learnt!

Lori
July 8, 2011

Thanks for commenting, Jackie. I did a little googling to begin to understand your reference to Deep Love Strategy – it’s about involving auditory, kinesthetic and visual aspects… yes? Is there a book/reference you’d recommend, or is this technique mainly an ‘in-person’ experiential exercise?

There’s one single way which means that you know you are truly and deeply loved. The choices tend to be:

When someone buys you something
When someone says something to you
When someone looks at you
When someone touches you
When someone does something for you

The trick is in drilling into the very thing you need to know that you’re loved and make sure you’re being specific enough.

So a friend of mine loves being bought flowers. But it goes further – it’s once a week, and yellow roses. Substitutes are ok if there are no yellow roses in the shop, just as long as she knows that her husband has tried his level best to get her yellow roses!

The touch – is it a kiss, a stroke of the hair, a bear hug etc etc. How often do you need this – daily, weekly, hourly?

Doing something – what specifically and how often? Pouring a bath, cooking a meal, washing the car, being taken to a restaurant, the beach, allowed time alone.

The look – where, when, how and how often.

If it’s something said – are the words used important, or is it the tone of voice? Is timing involved? How often do you need to hear it?

My ex husband was always buying me wee gifts which was very nice of him, but it did nothing for me at a core level. I didn’t know back then what I know now, but that was what he needed back from me and of course I didn’t give him things, but I would tell him I loved him which didn’t work for him.

Happy to help further if it’s needed!

Lori
July 12, 2011

Thanks for responding and explaining, Jackie. The real-life examples made the concept understandable.