About the Author

Honey's main interests are online dating, long distance dating, and long term relationships. She met her boyfriend on MySpace and they have been exclusive since their first date over three years ago. Currently they live in Tempe, Arizona. Honey graduated with her PhD in Composition and Rhetoric in May 2009. You can contact Honey via email here or online here.

Jake has decided he has too much on his plate to do a real job search at the moment, so he’s calling that off. However, given what went down with his supervisor recently, he has decided to go balls-to-the-wall in terms of his working conditions at his current place. He thinks that there is a good chance that his strategy will pay off, in which case he’d be perfectly happy continuing to be there (it is not the amount of work he does that he objects to, it is a variety of aspects of the environment). If it doesn’t work out and they fire him, then obviously he will have plenty of time to do a big search. Either outcome would be better than the status quo.

In related news, I found out that the tenure-track position that I interviewed for at my current institution was filled by someone else. Jake was shocked, but I kind of suspected that things were headed in that direction. No biggie – it would have been a significant raise and a more respected type of position, but I enjoy both the work I do now and the environment of my current department, plus they’re sending me to London this summer, so I don’t have a lot to complain about.

I did identify 3 jobs that I am interested in and qualifed for – one in Connecticut, one in NYC, and one in Boston. Since the northeast is basically the area we were most interested in, I’m going to apply for all 3 and see what happens. The job market is so glutted that I’m sure I’m a longshot for all of these positions, but Jake’s given me the go-ahead and it doesn’t hurt to apply and see. I’m definitely a better fit for any of these new prospects than I was for the position I applied for here.

Hot Sex and Date Night(s)

Jake is still stressed and has also been sick, but I’m happy to report that we’ve had hot sex on several occasions since I last posted, and he took me on a nice date on Saturday – to one of his favorite historic restaurants in town. Then on Sunday we saw Alice in Wonderland in an IMAX 3-D theater. It wasn’t as 3-Delicious as Avatar, but we both really enjoyed it.

This weekend we are going to Street Fair (my absolute favorite twice-yearly event!) and to an all-day BBQ put on by our favorite vegan restaurant to raise money for Haiti. Then next Tuesday is his birthday and I am taking him to the Outback and a movie using my credit card rewards. I have one present already and am hoping to find the rest at Street Fair.

We’re also contemplating visiting a swingers club and seeing if we think it is interesting. We’ve talked about this off and on for some time and it’s not something we’ve decided to do for sure, but Jake really enjoys watching other real people have sex (he loooved the live sex show we went to in Amsterdam) and this might be a way to incorporate that. We agree that neither of us wants to be with anyone else, and neither of us is comfortable seeing the other person with someone else (well, he would be okay seeing me with a lady but I am too straight to be interested in that), so this would be purely voyeuristic. I’ll update as we get closer to a decision.

Other De-stressors

Amusingly, Jake happened to read my last post (he has only been to the site 3 or 4 times, so this is rare) and all he had to say was, “when I’m playing PS3, I’m not doing it to ignore you. I just really love PS3.” No comment on the rest of it, which he felt was a fair and accurate portrayal of recent events! He has been wanting a PS3 forever and finally broke down and bought it because he was sick of putting everything off until his credit cards were paid off (which, since that won’t be until 2012, is understandable).

Then he got a huge tax return (almost $3K) and is buying a 65″ flatscreen HD-TV with stand, upconverted DVD player, and a new receiver/surround sound system (our current receiver has been on the fritz for 2 years). He can get both of these things and still put $1K in his savings account. He is contemplating getting a new laptop as well (his just died, completely, utterly, and totally, and my laptop is on the way out as well, it won’t read CDs/DVDs and the battery doesn’t charge). We recently got a netbook as a gift, so we’re waiting to see if that works out before doing anything laptop-y. The hard drive is plenty big, we’re just concerned because it seems like it might not be fast enough for our needs, and it also seems quirky about connecting to our home wireless network.

None of these things would be a big deal to me (though since he got the PS3 I have become addicted to Oblivion), but he has been obsessing about all of this pretty much since I have met him, so I think it’s going to make a big difference in his happiness, and he doesn’t have to charge any of it so that is good. I finally bought a bike and can’t wait for Jake to get his tuned up so we can ride together!

Why are either of you putting money in savings when you have credit card debt? The return on your savings account is not going to be anywhere near the 15% that your credit card is charging.
.-= Hammer´s last blog …I Dare You to Flake =-.

http://honeyandlance.com Honey

Because if we are anticipating that at least one of us is going to be out of a job in the next couple of years due to a move, then we can continue to pay our bills without having to charge things or take out a cash advance.

I am throwing everything toward my debt at the moment, but I have $4500 in emergency savings and less than $2K remaining in credit card debt. Jake is going to do just above the minimum payment to his credit cards until he has about $7500, and then go back to throwing every spare penny at the debt. Since he is taking risks that might lead to him not having a job anymore, that seems smart to me.

Also, the highest interest rate on any of our credit cards is less than half that. 15% is astronomical.
.-= Honey´s last blog …Getting Better =-.

http://demetershouse.wordpress.com Demeter

I’m glad things are going better with Jake I’m curious about the jobs you’re applying for–are they tenure-track r/c jobs? I hope you get one of them, though I’d be bummed if you aren’t around when I move up there.

My apologies for giving an unsolicited opinion to two intelligent people whose circumstances may be very different from my own.

If his job is that far down in the pit, it is less likely he will be happy, at all in his life, while he is there.

Toys only help for a limited period of time.

Using that money to put together an escape fund so he can leave his job and devote himself full time to finding another one will give him the biggest happiness boost. Even if he has to settle for part time temp work and living in a matchbox apartment until he gets one.

Until you leave a stressful situation like that you just don’t know how tense it keeps you all of the time.
.-= beforewisdom´s last blog …Dating Rant: Child-Free Travel Bugs =-.

http://katwilder.com Kat Wilder

I have to agree — material things aren’t going to make things better or make anyone happy. Exercising, being in nature, connecting as a couple (well, looks like you’ve done that ;-)), eating healthy, being with friends, etc., are the real de-stressors. And, they’re free.

And, it’s interesting how your post is mostly about Jake, not you, Honey. Not to say that how he’s feeling doesn’t impact you, but I sure hope you’re taking care of yourself, too.
.-= Kat Wilder´s last blog …Can a marriage survive an affair? =-.

Shannon

Right, it is smart to keep “some” money back. Last year I took my entire savings out and paid off nearly $2000 on a credit card. Which sounded smart at the time…until I was laid off a week later.

I’m still unemployed though done well contracting and was surprised at the amount I had in the bank, and while I would love to pay off the rest of the card now, I’m anticipating a slow/uncertain period coming up and would rather wait to pay on it when things are “more sure.” Or if I survive tax time this week, I might pay a fourth on the card and keep the rest back.

http://honeyandlance.com Honey

Thanks, beforewisdom and Kat! I personally wouldn’t get any satisfaction out of the toys if I was miserable at my job, but he HAS been talking about these specific items for 4 years, so I guess I don’t need to understand him to support him

Me, well – I have been getting massages regularly and taking some days off. I’m SUPER excited about my new bicycle also! I can’t wait for the summer, as it slows down tremendously at work. I am hoping to visit at least one of my best friends (my two closest friends live in CO and PA, so it requires real planning to see them), but I also have a goal of being consumer debt-free by the end of the summer, so we’ll see what happens.
.-= Honey´s last blog …Getting Better =-.

http://honeyandlance.com Honey

Also, as a sidenote, he chose a career he knew he didn’t enjoy from the beginning specifically to make a lot of money (as I’ve mentioned before). He’s since learned that probably wasn’t the best decision, but since he’s still about $140,000 in debt ($100k student loans, $40k credit cards), he’s got to live with his decisions for the next few years at least.

Personally, I decided a long time ago that I didn’t care if I was poor as long as my life was satisfying and interesting. So I make way less money than him but work EXACTLY 40 hours/week at a job that I adore, and my hobby of cooking gets us eating tasty and healthy vegetarian food, and trying new things all the time. He’s definitely jealous of the choices I’ve made, even though he didn’t understand them when I was making them.
.-= Honey´s last blog …Getting Better =-.

http://honeyandlance.com Honey

That’s pretty much what we are thinking. We don’t think of our savings account as an investment or a way to make money (I don’t even think Jake’s checking is “high interest,” whatever that means anymore). It’s a buffer against emergencies.
.-= Honey´s last blog …Getting Better =-.

http://www.thedateabledork.com The Dateable Dork

OMG, Honey, so much going on! I made the same decision that you did about work – I work normal hours and have a predictable schedule and workload, and I’m willing to take a not-so-high salary for the freedom to plan vacations on weekends and know that I won’t have to work at the last minute. Also, can’t believe you’re considering moving to the northeast! Keep me posted! I might wind up staying in the NE too, so who knows.
.-= The Dateable Dork´s last blog …My completely taboo sexual fantasy =-.