I am not exaggerating when I say I have made probably hundreds of parenting mistakes. I’ve been a parent for about 6,600 days. If you do the math, and I did, I’m averaging one screw-up per month. Actually, that seems a bit low. I know I have gone through periods with several mistakes in one week. Unfortunately, like in most families, the oldest bears most of the battle scars. We tried things out on Zack first, and when we messed up, we learned our lessons and did our best to not repeat the mistake with AJ.

For example, when Zack was a toddler, we were walking across the street with him, one parent on each side, holding his hands. A car careened around the corner but Zack refused to move quickly. My husband grabbed him by the arm and yanked him to safety. A few minutes later, he began rubbing his arm and crying “Owie!” We looked him over, but nothing seemed amiss. We went home, but the pain got worse as the day progressed and we noticed he was holding his arm funny. We took him to the ER. The physician’s assistant heard our story, twisted his elbow in a 10-second maneuver and Zack was all smiles a minute later. The physician’s assistant explained “nursemaid’s elbow”, which is a partial dislocation of the elbow joint that often comes from tugging on an uncooperative child’s arm. Um, guilty. Needless to say, AJ’s arms were never yanked.

Also, I got very wound up about grades in middle school with Zack. When he would bring home a test with a D or an F, I would flip out. “You’re a smart kid!” I’d yell at him. “You have to study for tests!” He finally hit a wall and pleaded with me to quit yelling, that I was stressing him out. After I stood back and took a deep breath, I looked at the big picture. I ask you, has any university or employer ever looked at middle school grades? By the time AJ got to middle school, I was much more calm. He didn’t study for tests either, but I didn’t care. I had the long view by then.

A really bad move on my part was the timing of braces. Both my kids play an instrument involving mouths and blowing air: the trumpet for Zack; sax for AJ. Not even thinking, I scheduled Zack’s braces to go on a week before sixth grade auditions. The kid was in so much pain, we had to jack him up on ibuprofen just so he could play. He darkly refers to that as the time I tried to sabotage his musical career. But guess what, I refused when the orthodontist wanted to schedule braces for AJ in September. What’s more, while AJ was in high school, I learned to never schedule an ortho appointment before an important band date.

The other thing I failed to do is to teach Zack how to talk on the phone. When he was younger he would pick up and I would hear “Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK,” and then click, disconnected. No “How’s it going?” and no “Bye, see ya later.” This was before cell phones, with no display screen letting you know who was calling. Having a kid that was barely a step up from a caveman in communication skills was mortifying. I was bound and determined not to have a similar outcome with AJ. I actually practiced with him so he would know that what to say. The cockles of my heart warmed every time I overheard, “Hello, this is AJ Mikkelson. Is Jack there?”

The road of parenthood is paved with good intentions. I coulda bought a nice wardrobe for all the money I spent replacing cell phones and cracked screens. I shoulda put Zack on the swim team. I woulda made the kid eat more vegetables. Parenting is messy— an inexact science. Luckily, our kids are pretty resilient creatures. Let’s hope they thrive in spite of us.

Katherine Mikkelson is an attorney-turned-writer who lives in Arlington Heights. She blogs at http://StateEats.com, which highlights food from all 50 states.