January 20, 2017

What I'm Most Looking Forward to is Overseeing Multiple Race Wars

BY DONALD TRUMP, GOLF COURSE MANAGER

I want to thank all of you again for this wonderful, absolutely terrific opportunity. I’m going to do so many great things, you watch, so many great things, that you won’t even believe it. My presidency will be the best, the absolute best presidency.

You all know many of the great, wonderful things I’m going to do as president. And they are wonderful, so great. The wall. Everyone knows the wall. It’s going to be so tall, and beautiful. Such a beautiful wall, you’re going to love it.

The trade agreements? They’re terrible. We’ll get new ones. Also the Muslim ban, so great. Factories! I’m going to yell at all the factories until they reopen. The jobs, they’ll come rushing back.

We’re going to build roads, destroy the health care system, take care of the veterans — the veterans! We love the vets, am I right? We’re going to do that too.

All of these things, they’re all steps to making America great again, and I’m excited about all of them. But what I’m most looking forward to, the one that will make all the hard work worth it, is overseeing multiple race wars on American soil.

Of course, it won’t be easy. I’ve worked tirelessly, so tirelessly, for many months — years, really — to agitate people of all races to dislike, or even distrust, people of other, different races. But to escalate that to the level of race war is something only a president can do, and I will be the best president to do it.

It will be the cornerstone of my legacy, what the history books will start with when they talk about President Trump. And it is what I will be most proud of.