Getting Rid Of Stuff In Midlife

I have a collection of t-shirts that are tangible reminders of all the places I’ve ever been. From St Martin Island (my honeymoon) all the way to China and Japan thirty years later.

For most of my life, travel and vacations also meant a trinket or two to bring home. Fortunately, I stopped buying gifts for everyone in the universe several years ago. Finding the perfect gifts to bring home nearly ruined a few trips.

But something changed this week. Several days ago I was walking down the streets of Bar Harbor, Maine peeking into the myriads of small shops displaying their treasures. I wandered into one of the local t-shirt shops to feel the cotton and found that I had no urge to buy a shirt with “Life is good,” “Life is better” or “I would rather be in…” (Fill in the blank for any city, state, beach town, restaurant, etc.). I suddenly realized that I didn’t want anything. The thought of adding yet another t-shirt to my already overgrown collection was totally unappealing. And I felt sad. And I felt old…and perhaps scared.

My mother has been at me for the last few years to start cleaning out the house and has hurtfully made reference to my “collections” as clutter. I love my stuff. I love the collection of teapots above my kitchen cabinets, the perfume bottles around my bathtub, the old books, decanters and Depression glass I’ve been collecting for more than thirty years. I cherish every find and have displayed them all lovingly.

In the last few years I’ve heard my mother articulate what I now see as the beginning of a new stage in my life. “At my age I don’t want anymore stuff,” she tells me. “You’ll thank me when you have to clean out the house because I won’t have anything to throw out.”

Somehow not wanting a t-shirt has become far more meaningful than hot flashes and reading glasses — not wanting stuff is a statement of where I am in my life. I’m trying to be present to the moment without requiring a thing. I no longer need a “Life is Good” t-shirt because more than likely if I’m on vacation, my family is safe and we are all healthy, and I already know this. I also know that all of this is quite liberating and a true testimony of all the work I have done thus far. Just “being” has now surpassed having. And life is good.

Getting Rid Of Stuff In Midlife was last modified: August 5th, 2013 by Marcia Reich

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Marcia is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor who has a private practice in Florham Park, New Jersey. She is also the founder of the Women’s Coaching Center which is dedicated to helping mid-life women navigate the second stage of their lives.She is also a painter (discovered her talent at 40) and started a career in writing when she was nine. She has written numerous articles and blogs about mid-life women and is passionate about helping mid-life women push past imaginary limits. Feel free to contact her and find out more about her on these websites www.marciareich.com and www.womenscoachingcenter.com.

5 Responses

I totally understand your epiphany about not needing more stuff especially as my husband and I clean out our storage areas in preparation for moving. I have this conversation with my mom, who is a collector with a crammed house full of stuff that will devolve on my siblings and me to deal with when she dies (she’s in her 80s). One suggestion is to take pictures of all the items that are for memory purpose only, then donate the items while having the photos as reminders.

I decided to downsize when I was 53 and spent about a year getting rid of stuff before actually moving into a house 1/3 the size of my other house. Now I check out books from the library instead of buying them and work really hard at not buying things. I have two sons and I know they don’t care about any of the decorative items I still have that I bought during my travels. I know they’ll probably have an estate sale or just bag it up and toss it. So before I buy anything, I ask myself if I “really really want it and where in my tiny house is it going to go”. Usually I don’t buy it. Even so, I have to be careful because stuff accumulates and I’m not sure how!

My second child leaves for college in a few weeks. My husband has “gently” reminded me that it is time to get rid of the baby clothes. I am trying to get my kids involved in going through stuff they are now ready to part with. I remind them they can use it for spending money. My husband, who does not help with housework, wants to get a dumpster and junk everything (except HIS collections!). I guess I know what I’m doing with my free nights this fall.

I love the connection between the Life is Good t-shirt and your reality. Excellent!
Age and clutter…I have pared my life down in various ways and have discovered the absence of things does not make me feel worse. Letting go in one area seems to translate to lightness and clarity in other area!

I like the way you’ve linked aging with the need to de-clutter – and also to how we feel we need and want less as we get older. Great to be able to continue to learn things from our parents as we all age.