Carl lived alone, and always bemoaned this fact when she had to hop on her pink Barbie scooter and return to her lonely abode. To make up for it, she decided to get a dog. In China, you do this by going to the dog market, which, despite its joyous name, is much like a canine concentration camp. If it were in America it would be part of an illegal underground puppy mill. But in China, it’s where you go to buy a dog.

Aisle after aisle held every imaginable dog breed in tiny plastic boxes. Five minutes of that and I was ready to sell my soul to PETA and run from cage to cage, setting them all free.

Carl opted for a small golden retriever puppy, to match her own warm and fluffy personality. She tucked it under her arm and scooted all the way back to her apartment with a smile on her face.

“I’m going to name her Arbour, like a garden!”

For a week, the ball of fluff known as Arbour was Carl’s constant companion. it’s fair to say they struck up quite the bond.

Wine, iPhone, Puppy = all anyone really needs

“I’m not alone!” Carl sang.

Two weeks later, Arbour was sick. By week three she was dead.

All we could do was shake our fists at the sky and scream, Why!

Everywhere we went we were teased by dogs that seemed to mock us with their life and vitality. Kunming’s population of golden retrievers seemed to have exploded.

“That’s what Arbour would look like. If she weren’t dead.”

On most every street corner there was a man selling puppies out of a tiny wire cage on the back of his scooter. I’d whimper sympathetically at the puppies and glare hatefully at the seller. Visions of freeing them danced through my mind.

Evil.

“It’s not stealing,” I’d tell Sars. “It’s rescuing.”

But her heart remained an icy cold block of puppy-hate. Or so I thought.

One afternoon I was sitting in our apartment, blowdrying my body to stay warm, when I heard a frantic pounding at the door. I flung the it open and there Sars stood, holding a matted scruff of fur in her arms.

“It’s not stealing, it’s rescuing!”

I stared at the shivering little cross-eyed puppy in her arms as she detailed his rescue and how she’d seen him scampering through a flooded parking garage and chased him down, how the security guard said he’d been wandering around for days, how she’d tucked him insider her coat and fled the scene.

We decided to name him Usnavi, after a character from In The Heights, though this was inevitably shortened to Snavs. Carl wouldn’t participate in the naming ceremony and just watched from the edges, a pained look in her eyes.

“…RIP Arbour…”

We didn’t have the first clue how to care for Snavs– so we improvised. There was an old aquarium in the living room so we dumped out the sand and plastic coral and made him a bed of old towels.

We eventually got him a kennel, I promise

But first we washed all the China and street rot off of the poor beast.

For the first few days he was too traumatized to reveal his true nature, but the more he accepted that we weren’t going to abandon him, the more he decided to share his personality with us. Snavs had a fondness for the finer things in life– like screeching through the night and standing at your feet, looking you straight in the eye as he peed on your foot. His favorite game was to pop a squat just out of reach and wait for me to jump, yell, and wave my hands as he fled the room mid-crap, scattering little puppy shit-pellets in his wake.

“What, me? I didn’t do that…”

Snavs was afraid of everything. If I were to sneeze, he’d fall off the couch, land on the hardwood floor, then yelp until I comforted him. If we took him on a walk and he accidentally slipped off the curb he’d screech and limp around in circles like a maimed sea turtle. His lopsided, scruffy little face always seemed to be turned in accusation: “How could you let this happen to me?”

Do not be deceived by the cuteness.

But none of this mattered, because Sars was in love. At least, for the first 6 weeks. By week 7 she had grown tired of his nightly yelping.

Can’t I just put him on the balcony?

But it was too cold out there.

If only we could give him sleeping pills, I said.

A hush fell as we looked at each other, an evil plan now in the works. Sars went to the kitchen for a piece of salted tofu.

Here Snavvy Baby, I have something for you.

He devoured it greedily then went back to biting our feet and looking for something to pee on.

Are you thirsty, Snavs?

Sars placed a small bowl on the floor and poured an inch or two of Dali beer. He happily lapped it up as we looked at each other in satisfaction, waiting for a drunk little Snavs to pass out and give us a restful night of sleep. But if anything, he was more hyper than before.

SO MANY THINGS TO PEE ON!

Eventually, I abandoned Sars and went to sleep with a pillow over my head. When I woke the next morning, everything was quiet. Too quiet.

I trudged to her room and saw her sitting in front of his kennel, eyes heavy with guilt.

He won’t wake up.

We tried everything to lure him out: Treats. Old Banana Peels. And his most favorite thing ever: Dirty Toilet Paper. But he wouldn’t budge.

I killed him! Sars wailed, I actually killed him!

Maybe he’s hungover, I said. Beer can’t kill a dog.

Sars didn’t say anything.

Sars. It was only beer, right?

She buried her face in her hands.

I killed him! I killed him with Nyquil!

I couldn’t believe it.

Humans do it all the time! She tried to defend herself.

Snavs isn’t a human!

Her face was in her hands again.

I killed the only puppy I ever had!

We googled the effect of Nyquil on small dogs and were given a timetable to watch for symptoms of poisoning. None of the symptoms arose, but he still refused to wake up. We had no choice but to call Carl, our resident expert on dying Chinese dogs.

Yeah, she said numbly, that’s what Arbour did for about four days. Then she died a horrible, bloody, shit-trailing death.

We decided to seek a second opinion and zoomed off to the vet– which, like everything you experience as a foreigner– seemed complicated, awkward, and traumatc. After shoving our way through a crowd of people holding sick dogs we set Snavs on a dirty table covered in Newspaper. A blood test was performed and we heard the two words no dog owner ever wants to hear:

Parvo.

Of course, Sars had to translate this for me. I googled it and read that 91% of dogs die within five days.

Oh my gosh, Nyquil causes Parvo!

They offered him an IV, but he came back to life just enough to be impossible and unruly. The vet techs produced long strips of torn plastic from their coats and tied him down to the table. It was the only way.

He struggled so much that they had to tie a strip around his defiant little snout.

After his IV, Snavs revived for half an hour before returning to his coma. They told us to come back the next day with another handful of cash and for the next few days Sars spent 2 hours watching mystery liquids drip into his little veins.

After 5 days, he was still alive.

One week later, he had completely recovered. If possible, his behavior had actually worsened as he bit and scratched with a new zeal for life. He even gained the strength to climb the stairs in the apartment, just so he could leave steaming piles of puppy shite outside our other roommate’s door before crying and yelping to be helped back down.

Still, we needed him. Because despite the darkness and uncertainty of a life that so often didn’t go according to plan, he was our very own little miracle.

Have you ever taken in a pet against your better judgment? What’s the most surprising way that a seeming annoyance or misfortune turned out to be a miracle? Has anyone else ever given a dog beer (I hope not)?

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I’m just glad I managed to avoid describing it as a “rollercoaster of emotions”

My favourite use of the third person is when playing FIFA football games. If the player I’m controlling scores a great goal, it’s like “What a good goal i scored” If the same player i’m controlling later misses a great chance, it’s like “Oh no wonder. he’s useless!”

I like the look he is giving you in the bath picture. “Um, what is this scrubbing all about?”

It seems a family member is trying to get rid of their cats in favor of their new, cute puppy (and do not get me started on that logic)..so the kid is trying convince me if they follow through to allow cat #3 into our house. I am just ignoring it until it actually happens, then I don’t know what I will decide.

That’s pretty horrible to be replacing old pets with new ones :-/ Pet Infidelity. Petinfidelity. You should totally take Cat #3 if it needs a home though… and make sure they feel really bad about it, ha.

I have three children, against my better judgment. Also, one time I got talked into a pet lizard which had to eat crickets. Live crickets. We had a Cricket Escape (and by that I mean I accidentally dumped a bucket of crickets in the floor and walked away rather than try to catch them all) and our house still, two years later, has an inordinate amount of crickets. They are hiding in the walls copulating, I guess.

OH MY GOSH. I love that response. Just walk away… I don’t know what I would have done. I’ve had all manner of pets, including some lizards and I definitely remember having to buy those tubes of crickets! ICK! I think I was much more of a sociopath as a child (and while living in China?) because now that just grosses me out in a big way.

Also: Love the three children against your better judgment… major laugh at that one over here.

Stunning. Thanks for the amazing tale of dogs, life, death, rescue, mistakes, recalcitrance, re-birth, poop, hope, disappointment, discovery … the range of canine and human behavior. I’m glad that I’m not in a coma, so I could experience this.

Haha he went to live in the countryside…….
No, really.
Sars went to live on the West Coast for a Midwifery apprenticeship and so he got adopted out to some guy who lived outside of the city… I like to imagine him frolicking in the grass, peeing and chasing roosters…

We had a dog for eight days several years ago until my husband realized his breathing problems and inhaler requirement were secondary to the pooch (an allergy test confirmed it). So we had to return the sweet dog, much to my kids’ chagrin. They never let my husband forget it, either. The youngest still has an 8X10 photo of Abby that he plops in front of my husband regularly. Kids are so sweet…

Haha! That’s sad, but allergies can’t be trumped by cuteness. We always had outdoor dogs growing up… but I think that was more due to my Mom’s allergy to extra filth.

The dog market was veeeery sad. I’m not even talking JUST puppies or small breeds, there would be these huge mastiffs and Great Danes, living out their lives in cages they could barely make a circle in. It was horrible. I don’t know why I didn’t take any pictures, I think it was right after my camera was stolen.

I think it’s fitting that even your partial dog ownership had the “mark of Aussa” all over it. Trust you guys to wind up a defective one right outta the gate, too, how’s those “ugly eyes” (one eye’s so ugly the other one won’t look at it)? And turns out he was just as hard to kill…go figure!

If it makes you feel better though, I still have the sedatives from our drive from Alaska to Louisiana and I offered them to my friend who has a roommate with husky puppies who always howl. We also have them for when there are tons of fireworks.

Seriously, just ask the vet for sedatives next time and you won’t kill your dog that way.

Or give them a rawhide to chew on.

THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T GET PUPPIES! GET A FULLY GROWN ONE! THEY’RE MUCH EASIER TO HANDLE!

Ha! My dog will occasionally destroy something but its so rare that I’m pretty sure she plots it out like a serial killer, selects a random object in the house, and then waits to strike when the opportunity is set…

Haha! A Husky sounds awesome! Though not so much with the house destroying… I’ve definitely learned not to leave a new package of toilet paper out… I’ll leave the room for two seconds, come back, and Zola’s happily prancing about like “LOOK, MOM! IT SNOWED!”

I’ll have to post a picture of my blog of the first time I left Sahara out of her kennel while I was gone. I had a full garbage can in the kitchen and when I got home, the entire contents of the garbage was all over the house. And she even posed for the picture and she was like “LOOK MOM!

I totally ended up with two kittens as a gift for Mothers Day one year. DISASTER. Sadly, after a year or so we still couldn’t get along. When one of them peed on my sons head that was the final straw. Some other family (I would like to believe) saved them from the shelter. I refuse to believe otherwise! But seriously, only my mom would convince my son he wanted cats without checking with me first.

Oooh my gosh. Something similar happened with my sister-in-law a few years ago… my brother decided to give her a mastiff puppy. It was adorable but those things get HUGE. Giving someone an animal as a gift is a really bad idea unless you know that they want it and are prepared to take care of it!

Dogs poop way too much, especially small dogs. I didn’t want our dog; but my family caught me in a moment of weakness. After two years he still pisses and shits in the house, but now it’s a game to see who says something last. For all his faults I suppose I love the little rat. Sigh. Stupid pets.

Haha that’s the mark of a truly successful family unit– that they can all band together and identify your moment of weakness and take advantage of it for the sake of a puppy. And yes, we continue to love them even though they bring nothing but trouble to our lives..

Isn’t there some movie or something where people sneak into a zoo and set the animals free and they go roaring through the streets? Because that’s what I kept picturing… I may have just imagined it in my head I suppose.

I didn’t know you could buy dog sedatives until the comments on this post! My dog has reached a rather lazy phase of life though, so I think she’s alright for now 😉

Poor puppy! I hate it when animals are in distress, if I had the money I would adopt ALL of them! I’d have a big animal sanctuary and have employees and pay them really well. Anyone want to go in on some lottery tickets?

I have never given my dogs beer but I may or may not have encouraged one of them to go play in the road…please before you judge understand that this dog, over a nine yr time span, has cost us probably somewhere in the $5-$7000 range in damages to our house and her body. Shoes, clothes, walls, mattresses, floors, a seat belt in our last car (driver’s of course), ….on and on. Not to mention she steals food so often my four yr old knows to put someone you can trust on watch if you have to step away from your dinner for a minute. If you stand up, so does the dog. If you take a step, so does this dog. I owe so much to her because she was my husband’s and my first “child” and taught us a lot but her neurosis and naughtiness is enough to make you want to lose your shit completely. Fantastic and quite sad story…dogs in little, dirty cages make me want to curl up and sing a Sara McLaughlin song.

Pretty sure I should have contacted Sara McLaughlin about ad space for this post…

And your dog sounds rather familiar! Mine doesn’t so much destroy expensive things (anymore) but she will find any bit of trash or food related anything within her reach– which is pretty broad. And your 4 year old is wise! Even I haven’t fully learned that lesson and will find myself weeping over a stolen slice of pizza or a licked up cupcake.

My dog, Gertie, should head a campaign for mentally ill canines. I’m not even kidding. She jumped out of a second story window once because her separation anxiety was so bad. She is so neurotic she’ll pace for literally hours until you give up your spot on the couch because you can’t take it anymore. She’s nuts. I come from nuts, I use to work with the nuts (I can say that because I am one) and I live with a certifiable dog. It’s cray cray.

Haha! Wow. I’ve heard of dogs with really bad separation anxiety before (a friend of mine’s weimaraner chewed an entire door down) but jumping out a 2nd story window is a whole new level! What kind of dog is Gertie?

One time, I contacted a guy on Kijiji about a puppy. He was like 3 hours away, and agreed to meet me at Ikea. That should have been my first warning but I really wanted a dog and no shelters would give one to us (small kids). So my MIL and I drove there and waited and the guy drove in really fast and tossed a puke covered puppy at me with the first shots paper from the vet and it was really sketchy. I felt like I was buying drugs, not a puppy. Especially cause as soon as he had the cash he drove away super fast and took the ad off and lied about his location….

After arguing in the car with my fella, I pulled over to vent some steam. It was a dog park….yet from a tree, surrounded by magpies, came a meeeewl. A little furball fell out of the tree, scooted across the carpark, and climbed onto my head. After peeing on my purse at the vets, he made his way home with us. I still use the wallet 3 years later….really should update it….

(Glad I proofread. Autocorrect had a fireball climbing into my head…which is another story entirely).

Aw! I wish that would happen to me! Not the peeing, or the fireball, but a magical kitten falling from the skies and into my life! I like it when life gives you something you never asked for– and you end up loving it.

Animal mills are evil, I agree! I once reported a lady who had cages lined up in her garage full of puppies and dogs. In Texas! In the summer heat! She told me her garage was air conditioned but it was damn hot, so I reported her and closed her down! haha! Badass me!
Then once I rescued a dog that was tied up in a yard with no water and food. He was in my neighborhood. I looked over the fence and noticed he was chained and the chain around his neck was embedded! So I went back at 2 am that next morning and used wire cutters to set him free, it was a beagle type dog. I called a friend of mine that worked in a Humane center and she came and picked him up. She stopped by a week later and said it took the vet 2 hours to get the chain out of the dogs neck, but it was healing well and that she adopted it. I have lots of stories about animals. I have one about a true devil dog. Whoa!
I give my dogs aspirin and other stuff. My dog I have now Sam has to be sedated to get groomed otherwise he hyperventilates. But no beer, I get the stuff from the vet.
You are one crazy lady, but I like you!

Jackie, you are my hero. You seriously snuck into someone’s yard at 2AM and rescued their dog?! Holy crap, I would carry you around on my shoulders right now. That’s amazing. But so sad about the chain 🙁 I’m glad your friend adopted him, that’s a much better story. I don’t know how people do such things to animals but I wish I could sic you on all of them!

Thanks Aussa, but I just had to rescue him. His cries broke my heart and when I saw what kind of shape he was in, well, that was enough for me. He didn’t make a peep when I rescued him either. It was like he knew I was helping him. I would have adopted him myself but I all ready had 3 dogs. But he got a good caring home. People who mistreat animals that way should be, well something really terrible should happen to them.

Haha I’m pretty sure most dog foods are awful no matter what part of the world you live in! And oh, come on, I’d take great care of your cats 😉 Snavs didn’t die! He lives on! But Arbour had parvo 🙁 So we were at a 50/50 win.

Haha! When I first started this post I was like “Yeah, I’m gonna tell the funny dog story from China!” and then I started really looking at it and I was like “Oh… oh no… I have to tell them we gave a puppy beer and nyquil, they’re going to kill me.” So, being called an evil bitch in jest is not so bad, I suppose!

And– thanks! It was fun to be involved…. have you submitted a guess?!?!

Aw, that sounds pretty damn awesome. My boyfriend and I were just watching Oblivion last night (for the 3rd time…) and I want his cabin that he has out there in total isolation! But, just like you, I want to add a pack of dogs to wander about it!

My ex-husband used to hold his mother’s cat’s face in his hand and blow hash smoke into it, just for fun. Does that count? Of course it was hard to tell if it had any effect, as the cat slept all the time, as most of them do. I could have sworn it was giggling in its sleep though…..

My family once had a cat that was more like a dog. We had to let it out everyday or it would find a way on it’s own, even during winter. Well, one winter we lost him. The cat had a stupid habit of running away from us if it wasn’t ready to go back inside. We assumed he had run somewhere, or gotten suck somewhere. We spent forever out in the cold looking for him. Eventually, we trudged home to eat a very somber dinner. There were tears from all involved. Then who should walk around the corner but that stupid cat! It had found a way back inside. The stupid thing was hiding from us the whole time. We never let that ball of fur out of our site after that.

Whats that phrase. Save a life and the shitting dog is yours forever? Something like that. I would tease you more but a. you are obviously generous of heart. and b. I have a cat who pees on me almost daily that I cant kill because my kid still wets the bed. Did you at least leave him in China?

Haha! Oh my gosh, I really had no clue that it was a thing for cats to pee on their people?! But you’re the third person to mention it. What the heck? And are you worried your kill will think he/she is next? Aaah hahaha thats dark.

And yeah, we totally left him in China. Apparently America is not interested in importing little mongrels.

People have been known to quiet a baby now and then with a little Benadryl, so it happens. And by people, I mean people. Not Me. And by now and then, I mean, particularly on airplanes. I think that’s why Benadryl was invented. So people can fly in peace. If you ever hear a baby crying on a plane, just know the parents were too self righteous to drug their kid. And needed to disturb everyone else.

Hahaha! Oh my gosh I just got that exciting little thrill that says “remember this comment for your group therapy post.”
This:
“If you ever hear a baby crying on a plane, just know the parents were too self righteous to drug their kid.” AAAH HAHAHAHA yes.

Oh, those cuddly little fur balls we bring into our homes! I have a friend, who has a kid, who has a hamster…and this hamster did $25,000 in damages to her home last year. That’s American dollars, not yen or candy crush coins or some shit.

Anyway. Great post as always. I have never given beer to a dog. But I have considered injecting my child with heroin so she will Go.The. Fuck. To. Sleep.

Oh my gosh I love the “Go The Fuck To Sleep” book. I’m pretty sure that my brother and I woke up my nieces and nephews from their sleep by how loudly we were laughing our drunk asses off at the youtube videos of people reading it. Have you seen the one with the Grandmother reading? My God, hold on…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MkOieIdhY0

I don’t know if you’ve seen it, but its precious. Just add alcohol before watching.

We can be like those toxic, codependent people on facebook who are constantly in and out of relationships with each other… it’ll be like “Oh, Nicki unfollowed Lorens on WordPress again, let’s see how long it lasts this time.”

ps one of my hamsters died after I fed it cucumber. I was in agonies of guilt, but I honestly didn’t know cucumber wasn’t hamster-friendly.. That was Hans. Houdini kept escaping and hiding under the fridge, which he preferred to his palace of a cage. Sweep was just utterly aggressive. Ah, sorry, I have to stop.. This is too painful. It’s also brought back memories of my parents taking away Snowy my lop-eared bunny to ‘go and live in a field with other bunnies’… they’d even drive past the field and point it out… But, recently… I’ve begun to question it….

Haha oh my gosh, Sara I ran through sooo many little pets as a child! Seriously, our backyard was like a graveyard of bunnies, guinea pigs, hamsters, lizards, kittens etc. etc….
So traumatic that we even let kids have pets haha

Cutest puppy ever dies. Cross-eyed pee-pee poop-sprayer recovers from a five-day Parvo/Nyquil coma. What a life you had in China, Aussa. Once again you prove that truth indeed is stranger than fiction. More interesting in your hands, too.

Haha! Those are much better headlines– should have gone with that! Had to read the second one a couple times to get it to come out just right. And oh yes, China… everything there was oh so strange to me, couldn’t have picked a better place to wander off to.

Uh, normally “found” animals are the best. Maybe that’s my secret lucky thing. Like how some people are lucky at cards, or dating, or not humiliating themselves at every opportunity, or not hitting every red light. I find good homeless animals. Luckiness unlocked!

Aw, that’s awesome! I wish I could find a kitten or something. I want one… but am weighing all of those stupid thoughts regarding responsible decision making and all that *rolls eyes* But if some cute, fuzzy, and wayward animal were to just wander onto my door step… I’d have no choice.

Or maybe that won’t happen because your good luck is sucking all the animas out of my path and into yours…

What a story! But he looks so damn adorable… Where is he now? Believe it or not, I’ve never had a pet. Unless you count one of my boyfriend’s snakes that I lived with and loved for five years. (The boy and the snake.)

Sars kept him for another year or so after I left and then when she came back to California for an internship she found a family that lived outside of the city to take him. I remember my brother having a snake when we were growing up… it was a ball python, and fascinating.

Wow. That’s special. I was about to say, at least you gave him a good five days. And are most of the dogs purchased as pets? In China, I would imagine a good number of those are just like buying a chicken. Or do they eat fewer dogs over there than advertised? So many curiosities! Have you eaten dog?!

My dog’s death was tragic. He stood for a day straight. Then he just pooped everywhere. Finally he couldn’t move. We took him to the vet, but by the time I placed him on the table to be euthanized, he had already passed. Really awkward when she had to refund us, and we’re sobbing. It’s been a little over three or four years. Also, know plenty of friends who give dogs beer. Maybe it’s the Wisconsin blood running through them.

Haha yes, they are purchased as pets! If dogs are eaten over there, its usually wild, stray dogs outside the bigger cities. I’m not sure how common it is for dog to be served at a restaurant… though I usually opted to NOT eat any sort of meat while I was there (unless we bought it at the grocery store) because I once ate chicken stomach lining and liver, thinking it was a vegetable of some sort… that was fun.

Paul, that is so sad about your dog 🙁 I’m sorry. I can’t even think about such things with my dog.

And– after reading your post today, its no surprise that Wisconsin’s serve their dog beer!

I still reeling over the death of the first pup in your story! Snavs reminds me of the time I agreed to look after a friend’s dog and we took it camping. It humped everything and everyone in sight, ate and rolled in crap and attacked other dogs. We redeemed ourselves to the other campers by drugging the poor thing with dog Valium.

As for me personally, about 5 years ago I came home from work to a gecko lizard. That’s what happens when grandparents come to visit their grandson. Her name is Gladys and I believe her lifespan is longer than mine. It took awhile to warm up to the idea but now I love her.

Oh my gosh, that camping experience sounds awful! That’s hilarious… particularly the humping. And why do dogs eat their own crap?! I mean… on some level I can understand eating their vomit (forgive me) but I don’t understand the crap thing.

No. But this one time, when I left my very young children with my mother-in-law for the night,( One and three years old) I phoned home to talk to the boys and she said that they were already asleep.John and I couldn’t believe it. The next day she showed me her little secret. Crushed sleeping pills in their milk. John couldn’t understand why I was a little upset as that’s how his mom used put him to sleep.

YOU ARE KIDDING ME. Um, yeah I’d be upset! That’s insane– especially that she did it without asking?! And even still… that’s a bad practice! How weird! Did you ask her if she did that to John when he was a kid? Ahhh haha this is just too wild.

I’ve just nominated you for The Sunshine Blog Award!!
If there’s anyone deserving of it, it’s you.

The Sunshine Award Rules:
Post a picture of the Sunshine Award
Post 11 random facts about yourself
Answer the 11 questions from the blogger who nominated you
Nominate 11 bloggers.
Write 11 questions for them to answer
Let the nominated blogger(s) know you have nominated them

So first of all….so sad. I’ve seen some documentaries on illegal dog trafficking in Thailand I think it was 🙁

Secondly, yay for a happy ending!

And last, my first (ahem) ex-husband and I may or may not have given our dog beer once as well as blown smoke from pot in her ears to get her stoned. I loved that dog. She went overseas twice with me and I gave her to a family member when I got pregnant. She also got into a bottle of visible once and almost died…..now that was tragic and another story.

Haha did the beer/pot combo work?! I remember this little dog my friend used to dog-sit when we were in middle school… her dad let it sniff some nail polish remover and then it ran around like it was having a seizure. Kind of horrible now that I think of it haha.

Okay I wasn’t sure if it was some product I’d not heard of or something! Is Visine toxic?! Oh wait………… I just remembered that scene from “Wedding Crashers” where they drop it in someone’s drink… oh… wow…. Poor dog :-/

Geesh, what a post! Poor puppies… the onyl way to stop animals being mistreated like that is to stop buying from these people. You were brave to try to save SNAVS – you never know what dogs have been through before you take them in off hte street, it can be dangerous.
The only time we nearly killed Smelly Dog was when she got her teeth into a rabbit carcass. She pulled through, and now we keep a close eye on what our guests throw her way at the dinner table (yes, we do eat cute bunnies, cooked in carrots and wine sauce).

Not surprising that you eat cute bunnies– since you dine and cook like royalty over there! And you’re very right about the puppy mills… What’s so weird is that no one bats an eye at such things over there– its thought to be perfectly normal. Its just a very different world, in so many ways…

That’s a funny little beastie, Snavs. Love his eyes: One looking for you, one looking at you %-) We took in a little sheepdog pup from a legendary family of great sheepdogs. Problem was we didn’t have sheep anymore. Pip nearly drove himself insane chasing his tail because there were no sheep to chase. Around and around like a whirling dervish, a flash of black and white, even when he was inside his kennel, by the fire (for which read cardboard box with blanket. We had to put him out of his misery and give him to a local farmer who would utilize his natural inclinations to chase. So cute and so wacky!

O My GODS…poor sweet little Arbour and Snavs, whaaaat? He apparently IS a zombie dog. Anyways, puppy mills are horrifying and they’re just everywhere, it’s so sad. We adopted GG through a shelter. We’re pretty sure that he saw us coming and thought to himself, “Look at these two, they’ve totally never had a dog before. What a couple of turkeys. I’ll be out of here in no time!” And while barking is not a problem of his, whining most definitely is. He is also very spoiled, but that’s our fault.

I don’t understand how anyone could run a puppy mill– of course, I don’t understand how people do a great many of the horrible things they choose. Let’s not even get started, ugh.
I love the inner dialogue of GG, haha! My dog is also hopelessly spoiled, its ridiculous. SUCH a diva, that one.

Haha he’s alive and well and no doubt still inflicting terror upon the peoples of China– Sars had to leave him when she came back to the States for an apprenticeship. He went off to live in the countryside (in a literal and not “he died” sort of way). So, happy ending for the little cross eyed monster.

OMG. You’re countryside line just reminded me of a line from the movie Wolf of Wall St. Jonah Hill’s character is married to a first cousin. Leo Dicaprio’s character asks him if he was worried about having retarded children. Jonah: Nah, if I had a retarded kid I would just drive it to the countryside, open the door and say, “go…be free…”.
So wrong. But it did make me giggle that Sars sent Snavs out to the countryside. 🙂

OMG, I’m love…again. My bad dogs are both snuggled up on my brand new comforter because it’s too freakin’ cold outside. The German shorthair thinks he needs a fluffy pillow, so he’s permanently attached and buries his head when I even hint about going outside to pee (him, not me!) Nontheless, they try to earn their keep as I’ve made them both write a blog post for me 🙂

I LOVED your story. I read it with the cliche and audible ‘ahh’ and “NOOOO!!!!” I laughed and cried and sighed with relief to know that you’re still be terrorized by the cute demon.
Arbour looked like a sweet pooch whose main mission in life was bless you shortly and eventually lead you to Snavs. I love them both. Thanks so much for making my day!
xo, MM

Haha your dogs sound just like my dog! I will walk into my room and she will be laying on MY side of the bed with her spoiled little head resting on MY pillow and will have somehow managed to pull the covers over on top of her body– ridiculous!

And yes… Arbour was just some sort of angel dog that paved the way for true love…

This is very dangerous territory for me Aussa. Very dangerous indeed. I tend to avoid pet shops that actually have animals in them. Especially furry ones. Fortunately there is one near my home that sells mostly supplies, food and such, with an occasional kitten for adoption. Fish . not dangerous (much) Both these puppies melted my heart. I actually own a small dog ( I know I know, smaller than a football doesn’t count) who believes the entire house is his toilet, with the exception of the kitties litter box which is a treat box. blech. Don’t worry, the kitties litter box is not accessible for the dog. Anyway, I would have been the largest animal owner in China.

As for beer drinkin dogs, a good friend of mine rescued an Akita. You can see his picture on Midwest Akita Rescue. Sarge found his forever home in 2008. HE LOVES BEER. I swear he would shove his tongue into the bottle if I let him. We think he may have aquired the taste when he was out on the streets fending for himself. But he is also very particular about it, everything has to be just right. We need to be in the kitchen and I have a specific chair to be sitting in and his bowl goes RIGHT THERE on the carpet.

Haha! I should have known you were a helpless pet lover! That sounds about right 🙂 And Akitas are beeeaaautiful. That was second on my list after a Rhodesian Ridgeback. That’s hilarious that he learned to love beer in his brokedown homeless days… at least he didn’t acquire an addiction to anything harder 😉 So now I feel less bad about giving him beer and more like I should see if my dog likes it?! She’s already a bit chubby though, I probably shouldn’t do anything to make it worse.

LITE beer Aussa!! LITE beer! and yes a helpless pet lover! One day I will own a hound. I just melt for the ears and all the skin! Perhaps a bloodhound that I can use for tracking, or a coon hound cause ears…

I don’t think it’s an issue if they like it, unless its litter box treats. then I draw the line.

Oh boy…how appropriate you posted this today. I just rescued a cat last night. It was a little black and white tuxedo cat, scrawny, soaking wet and shaking outside of my door when I came home from work. So I did what any normal person who already has a cat does – I took it in, dried it off, set up shop in a bathroom, went out and bought a litter pan and pet carrier and took it to the vet this morning. Jesus. I’m so doomed to be the cray cat lady! This isn’t even the stray I planned on saving! Know anyone who wants a sweet 2 year old male cat that I used all of my Christmas money to vaccinate? Do you? Do you?

Oh my gosh! When I first started reading this I was like “oh yes, I remember this stray cat” but NOPE! You had to go and double up on rescues, haha! Poor sad, wet, cat 🙁 I’m glad he wandered up to YOUR door. Hopefully you’ll find someone to adopt him… Or you can just have a house full of pussies (I’m getting so good at this).

13 years and one month ago we rescued an impossibly small Boston terrier from a puppy mill in Florida; we named him Cooper. I made a jacket for him with the Superman logo on it, because for the first year of his life he was in and out of the Vets due to every imaginable doggy disease / parasite known to man, dog, and even chicken. (Seriously) He turned 13 on December 4th. The last year or so he’s developed cushiness disease, and completely lost his marbles, poops and pees all over (even on me) and his skin has started falling off in chunks (A side effect of cushiness, I’m told.) His food averages $70 a month – which is a lot for us, considering I have budgeted $100 a month for food for us people types. So this week, or next, I have to schedule a time to send him off on his next great adventure…. and I would give anything to not have to do that.
The best thing about dogs is that they tickle our soul; when they aren’t shitting all over our laps. We put up with filth, noxious fumes, ridiculous Veterinary bills, and all manner of poor behavior just so in the end we can kill them when they won’t die peacefully in their sleep like a well mannered dog should. They look at us with silly, crossed eyes and impish grins while they pee all over our boobs, and for some reason it’s still a hard decision to make…. but thats our job I guess.
We also have a huge dog named Lucy with bad knees; she’s also incontinent. FUN TIMES! She is, unfortunately a lover of beer, which doesn’t help the incontinence. (We put it out to kill slugs, but she always drinks it, no matter how well we hide it, even if it’s laden with bloated, dead slugs.) The bitch. To help with her incontinence she has to take Sudafed. (Did you know meth addicts seldom pee? Fact.) Another fact is that some Sudafed contains ibuprofen, which is, apparently, DEADLY to dogs even in the tiniest of doses…. we accidentally gave her a Chernobyl dose once, and I spent the next two weeks nursing an incontinent, lame dog back to health.
Despite the fact our dogs are incapable of not peeing or crapping all over us and the house, we still go to great lengths to keep them pissing and shitting all over for the rest of eternity, because the alternative is even more foul to our hearts… and that’s the catch isn’t it? Those damn hearts!

I have to say, I’m starting to see why some people turn to taxidermy; all the cuteness of an adoring puppy gaze without the bonus of constant crap between your early morning toes, and a golden sprinkle on your still unslung boobs… though I do understand some people may be into this ::RKelly:: I still haven’t found it even the tiniest bit arousing… not even 13 years into it.

Oh that’s so sad about Cooper 🙁 You gave him 13 years of love, though– that’s pretty amazing when so many odds were stacked against him in the beginning. It’s definitely one of those “meant to be” sort of things, like dog/human soulmates.
I think about that every so often… like… why do I go through so much trouble to sustain and nurture this horrible creature that constantly ruins things and demands to be cared for and interrupts my flow? But then all she has to do is look at me and wag her tail or do something stupid like run into a door frame and I melt and am all “I LOVE YOU!” like I’m drunk.
Now I feel like I need to give her some beer since so many dogs apparently love it.
OH and I’m with you on taxidermy: noooo way.

My brother-in-law once gave his cat steak that was marinated in beer.
That DID NOT work out well for Furball, but everyone else seemed to enjoy the show….
By the way, Aussa, you have more comments awaiting you in my blog – you superstar.

Yeah I was young, we adopted a dog from a shelter. At the time he was recovering from being hit by a car so was on loads of drugs so he was quite docile. However when he got better, he started humping the neighbours kids, taking laundry from the line (he had a particular fondness for my mam’s bras) and the final strike was when he started snarling at the kids. Soooo.. we had to take him back to the shelter or a “farm” not too sure which…A good few years later we got the dog we have now for my 21st birthday and she is the most beautiful, loving, docile dog in the world.

Haha aw, poor dog! Love the image of him snagging bras from the line, though….. What is it with dogs and undergarments? Actually, I devote significant effort to NOT thinking about this because I find it absolutely horrifying how much my dog enjoys some alone time with a pair of my panties… Can’t even believe I just wrote that. Time for a shower, I feel dirty.

That is terribly dirty… Ha. Yeah I dunno.. It’s best not to think about these things. The dog we have now loves teddies, so much so that we had to take away a particularly large teddy away from her.. It didn’t look good when company was over.

Ahhh! Oh my gosh! How weird, why would a dog even be interested in such a thing?! Maybe she’s like “Mom eats these every day, I need them.” Glad she turned out alright and didn’t grow boobs or something weird.

Yeah the vet conversation was worse, say I gave him a good laugh anyway! Yeah she turned out semi normal anyway! I have no idea, she just jumped up on my bed while I was sleeping, found the evidence after I woke up!

Fortunately I have been very lucky with all my pets. Most of the dogs I’ve owned have been rescues and very smart. Too smart. I once had a beagle and crested double team my mother-in-law in order to steal her wine. The beagle sat looking all cute and when she went down to pet him the crested came up behind and emptied the wine glass she held out away from the beagle. Luckily there were no ill effects, those 2 dogs had iron stomachs and between the two of them and the fact that they often worked together I don’t think there is a single human food they didn’t try.

Wine?! No way! That’s hilarious. So nice of the Beagle to take one for the team so the Crested could get its drink on. I would never have thought a dog would like wine? Though they do seem to share in all our other vices…. chocolate… cheese… etc. It’s a good thing your dogs (and mine, thank goodness) have iron stomaches!

Can I tell you, In The Heights is one of my faves. I saw it in Boston – my sister saw in on broadway and met the original cast (Usnavi) himself! It got a Tony Award! That’s hilarious that you called the dog snavs. No wonder he was so resilient, being from Washington Heights and all. How long did he end up living?

YES! Ah! A fellow lover of “In The Heights,” oh my gosh that musical just blows me away… I grew up going to the theatre but that one honestly is an all-time favorite. So jealous that your sister saw the original Usnavi! There were a few of the original cast members when I saw it in NYC a few years ago but he wasn’t one of them. But still! So true about Snavs and his resiliency, the little gangster.

And: I’m pretty sure he’s still alive! He went to live with a family when Sars came back to the states for a few months a year or so ago.

Those crossed eyes- I can’t stand it! Way too cute.
And if he wasn’t already mentally challenged (in a cute, traumatized “puppy way”) he now has brain damage to help keep him busy. Oh little Snavs…what a trooper. (Did he at least end up sleeping better as a result?) Or should I say, did Sars? heheh…

Haha! No, he NEVER got less evil for the whole time I was there! Amazingly enough I think he was better behaved for me than for Sars, his true mother. He was such a little asshole 😉 And I’m glad you also found the crossed eyes to be cute! My boyfriend couldn’t even make it through reading this post because he was like “that dog just looks weird.” haha

Our son begged for a dog from our local flea market. His heart broke for the poor German Shepherd that sat so forlornly in the corner of the large pen. Dad finally relented and said we could get the dog. Three days later, he was nearly dead! It wasn’t parvo, but it was something similar. He cost us a small fortune, but he was one of the sweetest dogs that ever lived – to nearly 15 years of age. He was wonderful.

Oh my gosh! Well I’m glad you all adopted him when you did or else he probably wouldn’t have gotten the care he needed. That’s soooo scary when a dog has an unknown health issue. I’m glad he lived such a long life!

Geez Louise this was tension filled! I was like, she is not going to have a post where TWO dogs die!!! And oh, the tiny pups in the little cages–heart squeeze. Awful awful.

God love that little guy for living through NyQuil, beer, and parvo! What a lil terror though…OMG. Can not deal with whiny dogs. Except for the cat-dog I have now, I think I’m definitely more of a cat person. And you know I have problems with wanting to save them all, do I need to remind you of my days with 8 cats? I’ve learned to walk away from adoptathons. I’m not well.

Haha! No, no– it’s one of my blogging rules to never kill more than one adorable creature per post. (WTF, Aussa)

And I totally told my boyfriend about how you used to have 8 cats. That CRACKS me up… in a big way. I want a cat but I live in a pretty small house and am not sure how well that would work out, in regard to smell and Dog Vs. Cat… I have to make a wide berth around any sort of adoption event too! I can’t handle it.

Once upon a long ago a stray cat used to spend a lot of time around the house I was renting with my girlfriend of the time. When we moved we took her with us as she didn’t seem to have a home. Therefore we took her to the vet to get her shots. Imagine our surprise when “she” turned out to be a neutered male cat (we were such cat experts)!

So we called him Hoffman, after Dustin Hoffman in “Tootsie”, since he was masquerading as a female 🙂

Clever! And oh, I’m right with you. I wouldn’t have any clue how to tell a male cat from a female cat unless I had both of them there on their backs to compare (which just sounds way too awkward). I tend to think of all cats as females, because I’m small minded like that 😉 I’m glad you gave him/her a home!

I cringed during half of this post!!! But so glad it ended happily. Sometimes I want to tell my two dogs to “go…be free” but when they’re quiet and curled up on me, I’m glad I didn’t do it. Sometimes cleaning up poo piles is worth it, isn’t it?

A big “Ha!” to the “Go.. be free…” line. But oh, yes. So true. I remember telling my dog she was lucky she was so expensive, when she was a horrible little puppy… But it is worth it. That’s what gives me hope for someday being a mother… the fact that I still love Zola despite all the trouble she puts me through.

I’m a vet. People have given dog beer before. They get hungover in a really bad way and it costs even more when people won’t admit their dog is hungover because they just kind of look “sick” in a very non-specific way and all the tests keep coming up negative. Several hundred dollars later the expense overcomes their guilt and they admit what happened so we can cut to the chase and just treat it.

I’m glad the second puppy was rescued instead of bought! The conditions look terrible and obviously parvo vaccinations are not common!

This story ripped my heart out of my chest and then put it back in! Those poor dogs in the crates and the way they sell them! I would give them a piece of my mind! Then again I’d probably look like a crazy white American bitch! haha but I’m so glad your little butthead came back and is okay! I would look at him and think he’s cute shitting on the floor after all that!

Guilty as charged. I not only gave my dog Goliath beer, but he became an alcoholic. I proclaim innocence, however. I gave him beer because the VET suggested it. Here’s the story — the first one I wrote about Goliath, the dog I was crazy to take into my life (and who actually saved my life): http://fiftyfourandahalf.com/2012/12/02/for-medicinal-purposes-only/

Haha! Thank you! And yes, I save my icy cold blocks of hate for people who run puppy mills or think its okay to cram so many of them into one tiny cage, grrrrr. And yes, his adorable little lopsided face = *melt*

How is it possible to go from crying to laughing, to crying in despair and then hope, then laughing… all in five minutes?!
RIP Arbour and I hope that little Snavs is still pooping and peeing his little heart out.

Every pet I own has been adopted or purchased against my better judgement. One day I will learn. No I won’t. But I truly should qualify for farm subsidies by this point…I’m so glad y’all didn’t kill that little dog with Nyquil. Wow. We gave dogs beer in college all the time. I’m not proud of it. I’m just stating a fact. I believe the statute of limitations on animal cruelty has already passed in that state. Sigh. Moving on…

I can’t believe how many people on here have given their dogs beer. I feel like my poor Zola is just missing out on the finer things in life… and you’re obviously a good Mom if you let your kids persuade you when it comes to pets 😉 Oh my goodness…. my Mom said no EVERY TIME and yet I owned a gillion of random animals growing up. They didn’t have the longest shelf life, of course, but um…. maybe its made me who I am today. Ha.

Please. My mom was too stoned to say no. I picked up a puppy on a pit stop between SC and Fl one time when I was about 9. He was so cute it was clear I couldn’t live without him. To me it was clear. The adults in the car may not have noticed him for 38 miles. I got to keep him. Win!

Haha!!!! Okay well that also works. Gosh, I feel like sitting down and trying to recollect my various pets and how I manipulated my way into keeping them. But all those stories have such tragic endings…

Yeah I’m totally used to the animals in cages- bunnies, chickens, puppies (do they do cats?), birds, you name it. But that golden retriever.. meep.. Arbor was pretty damn cute. I wasn’t surprised that he died in three weeks though (heh.. sorry..)- probably should have brought it to a vet to get all the vaccinations and whatnot done. Carl knows that it’s not her fault though, right? Snavs is soooo cute, and at least he poops pellets, and not steaming warm piles of turds.

Oh my gosh, speaking of steaming warm piles of turds… that’s exactly what I woke up to this morning. My dog appears to have had some sort of… issue while I was sleeping. Wednesdays are bad enough without waking up surrounded in shit! Anyways, I got distracted. I never saw cats for sale, BUT! I did find the absolutely most adorable little ginger kitten ever. It was outside our apartment and I actually brought it in and we fed it and gave it water and watched it square away with Snavs for a while but Sars made me put her back out 🙁 Sadness. Probably wise but still.. sadness.

RIP, Arbour. So freaking sad. But what a trooper Snavs was. I have to rein myself in otherwise I’d be adopting animals left and right. Even though we already have three cats and three litter boxes. My little miracle was my dearly departed cat Pickles. She was a battleaxe. I adopted her at the age of 6, and she got very sick almost right away and was given slim odds. But she pulled through somehow, until her next medical crisis, which she also pulled through. She did that for 13 more years and died at the ripe old age of 19. She was what mattered, and she showed me that dumb things like having a rotten trip into work, or stubbing my toe, were really stupid insignificant compared to the unconditional love of an animal.

I always say that there’s a special place in Animal Heaven for people who rescue animals and save them from mills, etc. Which means you’ve got yourself a nice spot, Asia!

I feel the same way about adopting animals– I wish I had a bigger house/bigger yard… regardless, I’m a sucker for any animal that wanders into my path. Luckily my boss is fairly laid back and thinks its legit to text that I’m going to be late because I found a baby bird and am chasing cats away while it figures out how to fly. Which it eventually did, huzzah!

Ah, the unconditional love of an animal… its so true. I always look down at my doting dog and ask her “why are you still so cute? why do you make me so happy?” Best mystery ever.

Doggy gurney restraints are the most heart-breaking yet oddly hysterical thing. And of course the puppy was peeing everywhere with reckless abandon after he had a beer. Think about it. No gets arrested for public urination when they’re sober.

Haha! It’s very true– here’s this helpless, possibly poisoned dog fighting for its life and being strapped down with shreds from a plastic bag and what do I do? “Hold still, I gotta get a photo of this from every angle.” And, so true! He was basically just a little frat dog.

Snavs is so adorable ^_^. I am reminded of the time i though puppies were like little dolls that would play with me.I was about 9 I guess.I brought home three stray puppies and left them in a small box with towels in the living room.I had to go visit an uncle so I told my aunt to take care of the puppies while I was gone.
When I came back my aunt was yelling at me ‘coz she had to run around the house cleaning puppy shit dropped everywhere by three puppies.I had forgotten to mention to her that they were not potty- trained. 😛

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