How to help children deal with trauma

By DONNA ROLANDO

Staff Writer |

Suburban Trends

As families in Newtown, Conn., struggle with the unthinkable - last week's mass murder of 20 children and six adults - the tragedy has heightened emotions nationwide, and brought with them the question of how to help kids to cope.

Besides memorializing the victims of Sandy Hook Elementary School on its Facebook page, the Wanaque Police Department is steering families to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) for its tips on talking with and helping children cope after a disaster or traumatic event. This information is available at state.nj.us/humanservices/dmhs/disaster/SAMHSA_tips_4_talking_2_kids.pdf.

"When children experience a trauma, watch it on TV, or overhear others discussing it, they can feel scared, confused or anxious," states SAMHSA. And "young people react to trauma differently than adults" - some right away and some much later. This divergent timeframe makes it more challenging for adults keeping watch for when a child needs assistance coping with a trauma.

While it might be difficult to watch and wait, SAMHSA warns parents "to be careful not to pressure children to talk about a trauma or join in expressive activities. While most children will easily talk about what happened, some may become frightened. Some may even get traumatized again by talking about it, listening to others talk about it, or looking at drawings of the event. Allow children to remove themselves from these activities, and monitor them for signs of distress."

Michelle Borden, chief executive officer for NewBridge Services Inc., which provides counseling and other services in Morris County, agreed that children process events differently than adults do.

For that reason, she said, "You have to let them guide you as to what's on their minds." With younger children, being able to express themselves with crayons or paint could unlock their feelings. Regardless of the age, parents would want to establish an encouraging atmosphere for kids to share their feelings.

How do parents know if their children need counseling to help them to cope?

She advised that parents should be on the look out for behaviors that are out of the norm for their children. It can be anything from refusal to go to school to nightmares if these are not typical for your child.

It might be time to seek counseling if after a few days, parents note changes in the way a child eats or drinks, fear of going to school or fear of being away from mom or dad.

In further advice on talking to children about traumatic events, NewBridge recommends:

ï¾ Create an environment in which children feel safe enough to ask questions, express feelings, or just be by themselves. Talk with children about how they are feeling and listen without judgment.

ï¾ Provide accurate information, but make sure it is appropriate to their developmental level.

ï¾ Let the children take their time to figure things out. Don't rush them.

ï¾ Help them learn to use words that express their feelings, such as happy, sad, angry or mad.

ï¾ Assure children that you will be there to take care of them. Reassure them often. Reassure children that the state and federal government, the police, firemen, and the hospitals are doing everything possible.

ï¾ Stay together as a family as much as possible.

ï¾ Let them have some control, such as choosing what outfit to wear or what meal to have for dinner.

ï¾ Keep your child's routine as similar as possible. There is comfort in having things be consistent and familiar. Make sure meals are eaten, bedtime is the same, stories are read, etc.

ï¾ Be aware that children will often take on the anxiety of the adults around them. Parents must deal with their own emotional reactions before being able to help children understand and label their feelings. If you are frightened, tell your child, but also talk about your ability to cope and how you as a family can help each other.

ï¾ Encourage the children to express themselves through their art and writings.

ï¾ Be aware of the positive coping skills your children have already developed such as art, music, dance, and physical activities, and encourage their use.

ï¾ Help children regain faith in the future by helping them develop plans for activities that will take place later - next week, next month.

ï¾ Allow the children to grieve losses.

According to Borden, other recommended sources for parents are:

The National Child Traumatic Stress Network at nctsn.org has many good resources to help parents and faculty help their children at times like this.

Television's Mr. Rogers has information many parents are turning to at fci.org/new-site/par-tragic-events.html.

How to help children deal with trauma

As families in Newtown, Conn., struggle with the unthinkable - last week's mass murder of 20 children and six adults - the tragedy has heightened emotions nationwide, and brought with them the question of how to help kids to cope.

Besides memorializing the victims of Sandy Hook Elementary School on its Facebook page, the Wanaque Police Department is steering families to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) for its tips on talking with and helping children cope after a disaster or traumatic event. This information is available at state.nj.us/humanservices/dmhs/disaster/SAMHSA_tips_4_talking_2_kids.pdf.

"When children experience a trauma, watch it on TV, or overhear others discussing it, they can feel scared, confused or anxious," states SAMHSA. And "young people react to trauma differently than adults" - some right away and some much later. This divergent timeframe makes it more challenging for adults keeping watch for when a child needs assistance coping with a trauma.

While it might be difficult to watch and wait, SAMHSA warns parents "to be careful not to pressure children to talk about a trauma or join in expressive activities. While most children will easily talk about what happened, some may become frightened. Some may even get traumatized again by talking about it, listening to others talk about it, or looking at drawings of the event. Allow children to remove themselves from these activities, and monitor them for signs of distress."

Michelle Borden, chief executive officer for NewBridge Services Inc., which provides counseling and other services in Morris County, agreed that children process events differently than adults do.

For that reason, she said, "You have to let them guide you as to what's on their minds." With younger children, being able to express themselves with crayons or paint could unlock their feelings. Regardless of the age, parents would want to establish an encouraging atmosphere for kids to share their feelings.

How do parents know if their children need counseling to help them to cope?

She advised that parents should be on the look out for behaviors that are out of the norm for their children. It can be anything from refusal to go to school to nightmares if these are not typical for your child.

It might be time to seek counseling if after a few days, parents note changes in the way a child eats or drinks, fear of going to school or fear of being away from mom or dad.

In further advice on talking to children about traumatic events, NewBridge recommends:

ï¾ Create an environment in which children feel safe enough to ask questions, express feelings, or just be by themselves. Talk with children about how they are feeling and listen without judgment.

ï¾ Provide accurate information, but make sure it is appropriate to their developmental level.

ï¾ Let the children take their time to figure things out. Don't rush them.

ï¾ Help them learn to use words that express their feelings, such as happy, sad, angry or mad.

ï¾ Assure children that you will be there to take care of them. Reassure them often. Reassure children that the state and federal government, the police, firemen, and the hospitals are doing everything possible.

ï¾ Stay together as a family as much as possible.

ï¾ Let them have some control, such as choosing what outfit to wear or what meal to have for dinner.

ï¾ Keep your child's routine as similar as possible. There is comfort in having things be consistent and familiar. Make sure meals are eaten, bedtime is the same, stories are read, etc.

ï¾ Be aware that children will often take on the anxiety of the adults around them. Parents must deal with their own emotional reactions before being able to help children understand and label their feelings. If you are frightened, tell your child, but also talk about your ability to cope and how you as a family can help each other.

ï¾ Encourage the children to express themselves through their art and writings.

ï¾ Be aware of the positive coping skills your children have already developed such as art, music, dance, and physical activities, and encourage their use.