Brooklyn Police Are Cracking Down On Teenagers, Eggs This Halloween

Now that gun-related crimes and all other local violence have basically been eradicated, Brooklyn cops have turned their attentions to more pressing issues. Namely, standard Halloween pranks.

“It’s been going on for decades,” fumed an NYPD official to DNAinfo. “[Teenagers] want to have fun, and they run around, and they throw eggs. Sometimes they go a little overboard and it transitions from being a fun and harmless game to being a violent event.”

And it’s true! Is there anything more chillingly violent than the process of scrubbing dried egg yolk off of glass or metal in the cold light of day?

Well, maybe a few things, but nonetheless, some local delis and groceries stores are now heeding the NYPD’s warnings by keeping eggs under lock and key until Halloween passes, alongside cigarettes and expensive toiletries, where they belong.

“We tell them to tell their parents to come,” said one local deli owner.

Though one local teen dismissed egging as something he did “when I was, like 10,” he did add that in his heydey he froze the eggs for extra effect, a stroke of criminal genius if ever there was.

Unfortunately, even with these stringent new egg policies, the seasonal egging menace is still upon us. As one Sunset Park High School student pointed out, “Everybody got eggs at their crib.” And so it was foretold.