CELTIC SLIDE: Paul Pierce of the Celtics, here colliding with the Heat’s Udonis Haslem, is among the many high-profiled players being called for fouls at an elevated rate, says The Post’s Peter Vecsey. Photo: AP

CELTIC SLIDE: Paul Pierce of the Celtics, here colliding with the Heat’s Udonis Haslem, is among the many high-profiled players being called for fouls at an elevated rate, says The Post’s Peter Vecsey. (AP)

David Stern hasn’t been able to control his giddiness since the NBA’s conference finals were shrunk to two mini-series.

So what if home cooking had held serve through Sunday, albeit barely! Especially seeing that nobody would be surprised, least of all the vicar of the lottery, if a visiting dignitary cracked the code before it’s over, whistle blowers permitting.

That said, when did the memo go out that superstars should be called for fouls like everyone else?

In the past, referees would be first to pass judgment that a franchise player had gotten old. Suddenly, the benefit of the doubt ceased. Without warning, the officials noticed a pivot foot shuffling, spotted a carry, identified a moving pick, caught a subtle forearm shiver being delivered and recognized an advertent ’bow.

Now nobody, neither the young nor the old, is safe from scrutiny.

Kevin Garnett only is getting away with breaking the rules ninety-five percent of the time.

Paul Pierce can’t complete a game anymore.

Tim Duncan almost got into serious foul trouble once so far against the Thunder.

And Joey Crawford’s crew took the pressure off LeBron James by assessing him his sixth in overtime of Game 4, leaving Dwyane Wade to fire the last blank.

Don’t the refs realize fans love them playing favorites when their pinup player is the beneficiary?

Geez, hopefully these vigilant interpreters of the rules will never be able to differentiate a flopping player from a carp.

While on the subject of learned opinion, apparently the NFL may have to hire replacement refs for the upcoming season. “Let me put down my parlay sheets and I’m there,” Tim Donaghy was overheard to tweet, if that’s possible.

* How about ESPN’s record ratings for Game 4! Obviously, Madge Johnson has a huge following.

In the spirit of instant overreaction, it’s stunning how — when the Heat were up, 2-zip — the return of Chris Bosh would have created some sort of chemical imbalance. Now, dead-bolted, it’s “the guy brings a lot to the table.” …

The Astros had the first selection in last night’s amateur baseball draft. I can’t wait to see how Stern reroutes the choice to the Hornets.

* Flying way under the radar, you may have missed the fact the Magic waived Von Wafer. The move was mutually announced by co-GMs Dwight Howard and Shaquille O’Neal. …

In case you missed Doc Rivers’ postgame press conference, Tiger Woods won a championship in Ohio over the weekend … putting him one ahead of LeBron. …

Props to Queen Elizabeth II for 60 years on the throne. “My goal is to catch [Mayor] Bloomberg,” she confided to me.

* Congratulations to Apostroph’e Stoudemire, for, as reports stated, “proposing to the mother of his three children in Paris.”

I shall dispense with the sarcasm about the hotel overlooking the Eiffel Tower, which, at last check, was more mobile than Amar’e when last sighted. …

No surprise the Bobcats interviewed Pacers associate coach Brian Shaw. The so-called leak supposedly came from “someone in the know”… which puts Michael Jordan above suspicion.

My sources maintain Charlotte plans to have a coach in place sometime before the start of next season’s draft lottery.

* Far be it from column castigator Frank Drucker to besmirch Johan Santana and the Mets’ first no-hitter, “but that Carlos Beltran ‘foul ball’ kicked up so much white stuff, the Mexican cartels claimed dibs.” …

Our long national nightmare is over; Randy Wittman is returning to coach the Wizards. That makes team owner Ted Leonsis the only guy in Washington who can stabilize the nation’s employment epidemic. …

It warmed my innards to learn the Thunder have reached out with tickets (better situated than where Stern sat and beamed for Game 4) for Lil Wayne, Lil Kim and Lil Orphan Annie.

* I must say it pleased me greatly that former Egyptian despot Hosni Mubarak was sentenced to life in prison … with no more free previews of League Pass.

This just in: Mitt Romney claims, if elected, he can fix the economy and unfix the draft lottery. In an unrelated matter, he’s found a running mate — Rajon Rondo.