5 grams of shrooms.

Last night I consumed 5 grams of shrooms. 2 weeks ago I did the same thing. Same batch. This time though, was incredibly scary. I came face to face with my self. For the first part of my peak I was bursting with excitement and happiness. I could see patterns everywhere. I could feel the importance of all around me.

Then, the patterns started shifting into what I can describe as unwelcoming images. This is where things got scary. I had to be alone. I had no words to say, because I quickly was consumed with thouhts of dread. Dread not for the world, but for myself. I sat in my car, curled up in the passenger seat. My mind was showing me how big of a mess I am. That’s not was I was thinking. I was thinking though, trying to force positive thought. My mind would’t allow it. I NEEDED to feel that way. I was trying so hard to shift this whole trip, but I couldn’t. I was face to face with my burdens. My burden has been myself. I have created my lifestyle. I am the cause to my parents worries, to their disappointment. I have made them feel like bad parents because of my lack of ambition. Still trying to force positive thought, I realize I don’t believe it. My mind is not done teaching me this lesson. My face and arms become numb but not numb. A better way to put it is I felt like I was vibrating. For the first time in my life, I wasn’t sure if everything would be ok. My friends were tripping, having a good time in their house when I finally came inside. They were worried. They could see it in me. They said I looked extrememly uncomfortable, and I was.

Eventually of course I did start coming way down, so I drove home and went to bed. Now I’m here 13 hours later putting the pieces together. One thing I decided is to not do shrooms again until I make some positive changes in my life. The first change which i actually decided before the trip, is to quit smoking cigs. The second is to quit smoking weed. Third, spend more time with family. Fourth is to make a solid plan for the next year consisting of what I want to do with my life and actually follow through with it.

@spaceghost, good luck. i wouldnt take yourself so seriously. i think your experience was a half-breakthrough because you took the same dose 2 weeks ago. the ego strengthened itself the first time so the second time it was able to fight back against the trip. i say the ‘ego’ because this is your sense of self judging yourself. if you had a full breakthrough you would realize that there is never a reason to stress or worry, it doesnt help anything. you will eventually have to let go of this bad journey to free yourself from negative contraints. take it as a lesson that your mind can go to infinitely dark places if you let the first negative thought in. the secret is to not care, then instantly you will break the cycle and be liberated and empowered so you can make the changes that you want to make.

@heavydreamz, Well, the trip 2 weeks ago was the opposite. It was very uplifting the entire time. It happened backwards, but I consider it a breakthrough. I don’t need to stress or worry, but I need to be accountable. I think I could be in a better spot in my life so I need to get there, instead of sitting around getting high and not being productive. It was very much a full breakthrough, as I confronted the darkness inside me I’ve ignored for so long. I just feel alot guilt for having such great parents, who see my potential, yet I’m somehow ungrateful to them. I wont go into detail about that but my point is, this experience was a huge wake up call, and an even bigger kick in the ass. I really beat myself up mentally last night.

@blankey, @ijesuschrist, I don’t think of it as a bad trip. I’ve always said bad trips don’t happen. I do however understand what people mean by a bad trip. I needed this to happen. I’m 25 and it’s time quit fucking around. I have to. Most of all, I WANT TO.

@ijesuschrist, I was told you wouldn’t be able to hear a guitar on the moon, then accused of trolling because I wanted proof haha.

@spaceghost, out of curiosity how much is 5 grams? I’m bad with conversions. Is that an less than an eight, equivalent, or greater? This sounds almost exactly like a trip i had a while ago. I was confronted with the fact that I’d done nothing with my life, that I was a loser and the source of not only my own pain and frustration but all of those around me as well. I pretty much imploded. I felt such guilt, that I was just like the crowd I thought I despised, not doing anything exciting or meaningful with my life. I tried to draw, but could not. I tried to reach for inspiration for a story or anything creative, but my hands came back empty. I felt decadent, in the worst way. Just another party kid getting wasted.

Like you, I resolved that the lesson was to not trip again until I have both some achievement under my belt and some higher-consciousness ideas to think about next time. I want to feel like a true wizard!

@theskafish, It’s an intense way to learn isn’t it? I’m not that surprised it happened, I always learn lessons the hardest way. Guilts a good word to describe it. Have you made progress? If so, what have you done?

@spaceghost, good luck man, 5 gs is a heroic fucking dose. Only time I tried it I had complete ego death for about 2 or 3 hours, I can’t remember much of it but pretty much time stopped having any meaning whatsoever and all I could do is lay back and listen to the music and every once in a while interject into the conversation with bits of nonsense or singing, lol. Experiencing what goes on behind your conscious filters is never what you expect. Now the hard part is trying to actually apply the feelings that you felt during your trip into your life.

Is the negativity ever unwarranted for you? I see it as duality. Light and dark. Good and bad. Can’t have one without the other. The positivity I experienced was short but equally as intense as the negativity. All I can do is use the experience as a tool.

@spaceghost, Right on Terrence McKenna’s my shit. I normally go with 3.5 gs lemontekked, but 5 gs was something I wanted to experience. The way I understand ego death is that as the shrooms or whatever psychedelic get stronger and more and more barriers in your mind are getting knocked down, the information flow just becomes too much for “you” to handle. By “you”, I mean your ego, the you that you portray to all your family and friends, the you that you have convinced yourself that you really are, if that makes any sense. When the ego is overwhelmed, is tries to fight back, to make sense of all the madness that is going on in its normally organized world. This is the cause of my bad trips, I think, not being able to accept that the way my ego presented me the world was not the only way it could be perceived or not being able to relinquish control to i guess what I’d call my “true self”, like the inner you that all emotions flow from. So now your ego is fighting the changes, trying to deny them by throwing all these things it considers really important in your face to bring you back to its reality, in your case the stuff about your parents. Eventually, the ego is going to lose and you are going to sink into a blissful nirvana like state where you are simply part of the everything and no longer “you”, this is what I call ego death. It can be pretty scary, but an awesome experience. Then once you’re done tripping and you reunite with your ego, you still remember all the things that your ego threw at you in the death process, and you’re like shit, I guess I do really feel like that. Sorry for the rambling, I’m pretty baked haha. Hope that explained it.

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