Irish humour… jokes

Irish storytelling. Image copyright Ireland Calling

There’s no one single recipe for a good joke. They come in all shapes and sizes from snappy one liners to rambling old shaggy dog stories. These are some of our favourite jokes covering a wide cross section of styles.

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* * * Two elderly ladies met for the first time since school. One asked the other: “You were always so organized in school, did you manage to live a well-planned life?” “Oh yes” said her friend. “My first marriage was to a millionaire, my second to an actor, my third to a preacher; and now I’m married to an undertaker.” Her friend asked: “What do those marriages have to do with a well-planned life?” “One for the money, two for the show. Three to get ready and four to go.”

* * * When you phone a wrong number it’s never engaged.~ Roy Walker * * * How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? He’s Dublin over with laughter!

* * * I hate name droppers. I just said that to the Duke of Edinburgh this morning on the phone.~ Frank Carson

Bloody Fluke

All along the pier there were fishermen hauling in fish. Among them was a young schoolboy fishing with a bent pin and a ball of string. Beside him was a fish weighing over 10 kilos. His mate came down to the pier and asked him about his catch: “What kind of fish is it, Mike?” “I don’t know, but that fellow over there told me it was a bloody fluke.” * * *

After being married for thirty years a wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her slowly, then said: “You’re A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H… I, J, K.” She asks: “What does that mean?” He said: “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fancy, Gorgeous, Honey.” She smiled happily and said: “Oh, that’s so lovely. What about I, J, K?” He said: “I’m Just Kidding!” His eye is still swollen… but it will get better. * * *

In Ireland we have the best sense of humour on the planet and it comes natural to us. There’s a good reason for that. There’s none of us the full shilling.~ Brendan Grace

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Humour

All images are copyright Ireland Calling.

Many of the jokes we show we have written ourselves, others are well known old favourites and some may have been written by people we simply cannot trace and so cannot credit. Please contact us if you feel any of this material is yours and we will be happy to attribute it.