If you can't get fat and drunk fast enough, I've got just the thing to aid your journey! Wine ice cream is five-percent alcohol and one-hundred-percent delicious.

This new (to me!) product comes from New York's Mercer's Dairy comes in an exciting array of flavors — from Chocolate Cabernet to Red Raspberry Chardonnay. All creamy, all boozy, all — say it with me — delicious. The only question I have is whether or not I can get a dairy-free version. Hey Mercer's! Can I get a shout out to all the lactose intolerant and vegan lovers of sweet icy alcoholic treats? There have to be at least five of us. We want our frozen liquor and we want it yesterday! (Please?) (Pretty please?) (With a bourbon-soaked cherry on top?)