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I’m not in denial about it anymore. I will scream it from the rooftops, but I don’t think that it’ll come down to that. I’m a gringa. Probably the gringa-est gringa on the block. How did I come to this realization? Well, it all started about a month ago when I came into work thinking I was the shit with my new Dolce and Gabbana shades. I thought I was Molly from the block. Whatever that means (I think it’s meant to be a J-Lo reference). But anyways, my sunglasses were nice (I’ve since sat on them and bent them, which is why I can’t have nice things). They said “DG” on the side, as most Dolce and Gabbana glasses do. I was showing them off to my female coworkers, feelin’ fly as hell. Give me a break, I’ve only ever bought the 10 dollar sunglasses from the cart at the mall, besides the time my dad found a pair of Ray Bans and I took them. But anyways, I was showing off my sunglasses and that’s when it happened. My Puerto Rican coworker looked from my sunglasses, to me. And in slow-mo he uttered the words: “D-G stands for Dumb Gringa”. At first I was shocked and felt these words were harsh. For there is no way that I, el Molly, could be a dumb gringa (actually, I think it’s ‘La Molly’?). I took basic Spanish classes from 6th-11th grade or some shit. That means I watched the movie Selena at least 5 times while sitting in an uncomfortable desk-chair. That’s pretty emotional. And it’s not counting the 89 times I’ve seen it on TV. I might not know how to conjugate verbs, but I know the important vocabulary necessary to survive in a predominantly Spanish speaking supermarket or at La Paloma for at least 35 minutes. I could list the colors of a rainbow to a blind Spanish speaking person: azul, blanco, rojo, to name a few. If Dora asks viewers where she put her map, I would tell her “In your mochila! The map is in your mochila!”. I mean, off the top of my head I know all of this shit:

Guys, as a kid my favorite part of the Children’s Museum was the supermercado. And when I was done pretending to purchase platanos, I would cry out, “Una Vez Mas!”. I needed more time! Does that sound like something a gringa would say?

Yeah, maybe when I attempt to roll my R’s I sound like I’m choking. Maybe I don’t celebrate El Dia De Los Muertos, but I sure do pour some Pino Grigio out for Selena once every few years. And maybe I went to a free translation website while doing my Spanish 1 homework in high school. But do these things make me a gringa? Yes, absolutely. I’m a gringa, okay? YOU WIN! Just don’t bring my sunglasses into it. Those cost more than 10 dollars and they don’t deserve it.