1.14.2009

With yesterday's announcement that Jeremy Childs will be departing for the NFL—a wave of sadness swept over me. No, I'm not depressed about the void that will be left on the blue turf next season, but rather the void that will be left in newspaper columns and KTVB graphics as the 'Childs Play' pun headline will be forever lost. It is a little known fact that the Statesman employs an entire department for the sole purpose of coming up with headline puns (this blog, by comparison, employs only one) and, well, KTVB has Mark Johnson. These hard working people's jobs are now in danger, and in this economy, the shockwaves may be felt far and wide. Worsening the situation is the departure of Ellis Powers to graduation...'Powers that be' or 'More Powers to you' pun headlines will have to be retired—hence, more jobs lost.

The only hope is that a new wave of starters and recruits will be able to fill this gaping abyss on our headline spreads and segment intros. Obviously, the arrival of Kirby Moore will bring a glut of headlines like 'One more Moore' or 'S'Moore', but Kirby won't arrive until Summer and who knows how many will be unemployed by then?! Well, it's time to get proactive...we need new puns and we need them right NOW! To help stimulate the economy, I humbly submit to beat writers, journalists, video editors, Tom Scott and Mark Johnson the following headline puns to highlight these individuals:

George Iloka—By George! Iloka does it again.Jeremy Avery—A-very good outing.Titus Young—Young getting restless.Doug Martin—My favorite Martin.Kellen Moore—This one's a freebie.Hunter White—The Great White Hunter.Billy Winn—A Winn's a Winn.Jarrell Root—Root, root, root for our home team.Nate Potter—Scary Potter.Ryan Winterswyk—Now is the Winter-swyk of our discontent.Shea McLellin—Oh Shea can you see?DJ Harper—The Harper Image.Kyle Efaw—'Faw he's a jolly good fellow.Mitch Burroughs—Burroughs before hos. (maybe don't run this one on front page)

Hopefully this list will help get us through these tough pun times—and hopefully will spark and new era in headline pun greatness the likes of which we've never seen.