25 reasons why he WONT ask you to marry him – Part 1

1. He’s Gay – Hey I swear it happens! but is a bit of a long shot. However! I remember when my mom found a bag of dildos in my stepfathers closet, later we found out later they were for him and his tranny boyfriend. (Can’t believe I picked one up!!)

2. You want it too much – If being gay is the most unlikely this is probably the most likely. There is a pretty darn simple rule when dealing with other people. The more you want it, the less he wants to give it. (Of course if you are talking about giving him oral sex… he might be swayed)

3. You haven’t laid it down – If he is not making the moves after a few years, it is very likely that he never will. This is when you need to make it clear, “no ring, no relationship.” Put the fear of absolute loss in front of him, but don’t do what an ex of mine did, ask my parents if she could marry me and then actually offer to buy the ring. (We had only been dating 2 months and I didn’t say yes)

4. He likes free milk – This is pretty clearly related to not laying it down. We have all heard this trite saying many times but there is truth here. Why should a man severe his umbilical cord to any possible sexual relations with any other woman EVER AGAIN. That is like asking for his testicles for safe keeping, no way! (P.S. I like the female version of this saying, “Why buy the pig if you can get the sausage for free!”)

5. Sex is bad – I was sure FINALLY that this was the one but, after 2 years of attempting to bring out her inner freak I finally gave up. I realized I could never marry a woman that wouldn’t allow doggy style because, “I feel like an animal when I have sex like that.” Ummm… Yeah?

6. He doesn’t feel he has enough money – Right now in my life I don’t feel entirely flush with cash, this not only puts a huge damper on my dating life but the idea of marriage?? No freakin‘ way. In a guys mind getting married is as big a financial obligation as buying a house but at least with a house he might get a return on investment! (However if you are the rich one, discard this)

7. He is terrified of the whole forever part – Telling a guy that his sexual future is going to be bonded to one woman, FOEVER is a bit like making him commit to one food forever, with the added benefit of probably getting sick of it after 2 years. While this would be an excellent diet plan the thought of committing sexual suicide might have him a bit spooked.

8. Witnessed too much divorce – This is my personal demon, I have 6, count-em’ 6 parents! How does that happen??? Think you’re confused? Try being the best man at your stepfather’s wedding to your new stepmother. Witnessing a pile of broken marriages, cheating and the wreckage that ensued taught me very young that marriage was F-ed up. How to fix him? Drug him and go to Vegas, it’s the only way…

9. Is too comfortable in your pseudo marriage – Why in the world should be pull the trigger when it already feels like you are in a marriage? You live together, you sleep together, you shop together, you make him buy tampons and vagisil. What is he really missing that you aren’t already providing? The pseudo marriage is a fun time to play house but may ultimately destroy your relationship! Think about it, all the pressures of marriage without the absolute commitment? It rarely lasts.

10. Doesn’t want to give you half – He has some cash and you are broke with two kids. Why in the world would he want to surrender all that he has built for something that honestly isn’t all that sacred anymore? He believes that divorce is worse than a house fire and doesn’t want anything to do with it. (Ever play Robert Kiyosaki’s Cashflow game? One of the major financial obstacles is DIVORCE – “You lose half of everything you own!” Maybe he played this too?)

11. He is waiting for a better option? – I know this kinda sucks but you might be what I call a “place holder” you know when you buy a frame and there is a cute guy/girl/couple already in the picture? You might be a version of this for him. He keeps you around because you kinda, sorta fit the bill but not quite. He can’t and wont pull the trigger with you because you are not the “ideal woman” he imagined. I would recommend heavily cheating on a guy like this and preferably with his best friend.

12. Terrified of the whole “kid” thing – Now this is something that I do see as being pretty valid. I was lucky that my mom found a great guy that was willing to be my stepfather when I was only 5 years old. I think this is a challenge to a man who has never been a father. Personally, I would rather raise money for Bill Gates than raise someone else’s child.

13. You are in debt/make little $ – Closely related the whole “half” thing. I have a good friend that just became a doctor and started making 30,000 to 50,000 a month. My friend has slaved through 18 years of college to finally get this payout. (18 fucking years!!) I imagine his feeling is any girl that makes 2,000 a month will be a HUGE financial drain on his future. Fair enough, but not so cool for his girl… (Curious to see if the money will upset their relationship. Jumping from 3,000 to 30,000 a month, might be a bit confusing!)

I have no doubt that all of the things I most fear on this list will happen to me. Then you can laugh when I marry Octamom.

57 Responses to “25 reasons why he WONT ask you to marry him – Part 1”

Comments

Excellent article, all of the above are very true. Love your humor. I have been a place holder, not made enough money, made more money, most of the above except the gay thing, never had a gay boyfriend (that I know of).
.-= robinincarolina´s last blog ..Consider Me Gone updated Tue Dec 1 2009 11:14 am CST =-.

I’d like to add that #3 can also go badly because they could resent you for pushing them into it (personal experience here).

#4 I like to say: “This is rent to own, honey.”

#8 Both of my parents are divorced and re-married. I see them as much happier now with their new spouses. Also, my grandmother has been married 5 times (twice to my grandfather, but whatever). I can only aspire 😉
.-= lifebeginsat30ty´s last blog ..Unscheduled Break from Regular Programming =-.

Glad to hear that you take a positive spin on this.
Number three is expanded upon on wed
4… I like that, lay it down early
8, well one happy marriage, kinda. And another divorce on my moms part and my dad has a girlfriend but is still married. Don’t have the best outlook on marriage. (but possibly I want it this way)

There needs to be a special support group for children with six parents. Aren’t parents supposed to have kids instead of kids having parents? Yeesh! Didn’t scare me from marriage though, so in response to the end of your last comment, I think, yup–you want it this way! 😉
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..US Economics and Feminicide in Ciudad Juarez, Mexico =-.

Great line! parents are supposed to have kids not kids have parents!
Yeah I know you have the mish-mosh of family like I do Sarah. Glad it didn’t sway you. I however will feed off of any negativity I can in order to stay single long enough to travel the world.

oh come on… you show me the large group of attractive intelligent women that would want to live such a lifestyle!
The honesty is that I don’t want to be swayed by another right now, I want to do EXACTLY what I want to do!

Well, the group is small it’s true, but not non-existent. I came from such a group, unless I don’t meet all three criteria of attractiveness, intelligence, and wanderlust, in which case I withdraw the argument.

You want to do it your way and that’s the way it should be–selfishness is good sometimes. I’m just saying don’t purposefully draw on the negativity of your parents’ messes when you have your own sufficiently valid and positive need to do things your way. That’s all.

I like travelling the world. But honestly I had much more fun traveling with my best friend/sister/mom than ever with my husband! I agree with you though: I like doing whatever I want. The trick is to find someone who wants to do the same thing 😉

p.s. one of my grandmother’s 5 marriages was to a gay guy. It was the 70’s, it happened *shrugs*
.-= lifebeginsat30ty´s last blog ..FB shall bring the world together =-.

I seee #3 all the time. I think a lot of girls are afraid to do this because the guy will typically respond with something like “if you loved me you wouldn’t give me ultimatums.” That’s a pure BS response. At the end of the day, if the guy has any intention of ever marrying you, he’s not going to break up with you over the mere “insult” of having an ultimatum forced upon him. Unless the relationship is relatively new, a woman has a right to expect a ring at some point.

Res, you fascinate me! and I can’t wait to see your post on body art.
I think a lot of women could learn a lot from someone like you. (Me included) I would like to hear your voice more often here or on your own blog. Why not write a book?

I think that if I had met a man who was prepared to spend thirty or more years in the same relationship, or who truly wanted that with me, and I really liked him, I’d be right there with them. Getting married is a big deal in a way. Not everyone should do it. It’s supposed to give you a friend for life; someone to raise kids with and get old with. It just doesn’t seem like a goal I have to work for since I don’t want any kids.

I am on pretty good terms with several ex’s, and I have several long-term close friends of both sexes that I feel I will know until I’m old and grey, so getting married seems…needless. I mean I guess if I was with someone I loved and they felt like it was important to them I might go ahead and do it. But it’s not the important thing for me. And definitely NOT the point of a relationship!

It’s a lot less important to me than, say, having fruitful relationships that make me feel more creative and happy. Or than working at my art. Or having a relationship that is comfortable and sexy and honest. Just priorities I guess. To me it has never seemed that important.

Just realized I forgot to say, I am not like you. I don’t see getting married as a bad thing or something to avoid. I just…don’t see it as something I really NEED. It’s a nice, meaningful thing, I just don’t need it…much like a bugatti, a house payment. The rewards are obvious.

And I didn’t mean to make it sound like I don’t want a monogamous relationship, or any commitment. Because I like that stuff. I just don’t really care about pieces of paper and big parties and all the like. To me it means a lot more than all that. I look at my parents and see what it has meant to them and I’d not want to get married unless it was like that. So it isn’t a goal for me or anything.

Excellent comment…
I actually agree with you. Marriage is not as big a deal as I make it out to be. I kinda like to stir things up because it sounds a lot more fun with me being the terrified bachelor in his mid thirties. The truth is I really have no use for it.
Marriage really means nothing to me and I think it is rather antiquated. Of course I love some of the amazing connections I have experienced over the years but I don’t believe marriage would have extended any of those relationships.
I feel as I am outside of the circle watching. Marriage? for what purpose? To make my family happy? my friends?
When and if I decide to bring a child into this world I might think differently but for now, this life is mine and I am selfish!

My friend, lets call him Elliot, is dating a girl who has been engaged twice before, once within 6 months, the other within a year. They’ve been together two and a half years. He won’t propose. She is getting much more irritating by the day, more paranoid, more needy, more generally… shit. Probably because she is insecure that he hasn’t proposed. And why hasn’t he?

Because she wants it too much. He would, if she just bloody calmed down….

I also gave you thumbs up! It’s true, there’s no use getting frustrated about it because it’s not going to make the guy propose. She should actually do the opposite. Create some distance, fill her time with other stuff and other people (and post lots of pictures on facebook).

I don’t know her personally, just him. And to be honest I get the feeling she is too serious for him… But he is not a quitter. Despite the fact she threatened to dump him recently, over nothing at all, then acted like nothing had happened.

Some women are so damaged, no man really should make them theirs till they sort it out. Which is unlikely.

I think #9 is very true. I know one couple (for example) who have lived together for ages and the guy keeps making excuses about not getting married. He says he really wants to get married, but there’s always something more important to spend the money on, like buying a house, renovating the house, taking a holiday… etc. I believe he loves his girlfriend/partner/fake-wife, and I also believe that if she hadn’t moved in with him, and gone about her life as if he was just sort of one part of it, but not the center of her universe, he would have made marrying her a priority over Caesar stone bench tops… or the new patio…I mean really!

I said it – don’t move in until you get the ring! (if that’s what you want…).

I guess it also gives the illusion that you want it less too – so it’s win/win!

Cute and a doctor? Nice… ‘in another world’? That doesn’t really register on my list. I live in Australia at the moment, so I’m the one in another world! (It’s whackadoodle over here… I feel like everything is upside down sometimes… summer is winter, winter is summer, you drive on the left… it’s all kinds of crazy!)
.-= Princess T´s last blog ..Speed Dating (Part 2) – the dates =-.

You are not only going to marry Octomom, you are going to Google everything about her first then you are going to email me and say, “I can’t believe I found out she’s crazy!” And I will say, “It can only happen to you.” LOL
.-= Dating Diva´s last blog ..Wishing, Praying and Hoping =-.

Wow, what a list…
I’m glad you mentioned #1–I dated a guy for a while before he dropped the bomb that he was into other men. I guess I should have seen the signs—he liked to watch Gilmore Girls, for one.

You have a lot of humor in this post, but oh so much truth. The few single women that I still know are in the pseudo marriage trap, but I’ve known quite a few women who were place holders until they wised up. The part about seeing too much divorce really made me think. I hope that people don’t start shying away from marriage because of this.

Tina…
Nice to have a celeb here!
The divorce part is very real for me. I have seen so much of it that I have been very conditioned to associate it with pain.
Probably because of that, I find so many issues with it. However, I still dream of finding a partner wonderful enough to marry. (with a 5 year renewable contract of course)

12. Terrified of the whole “kid” thing – Now this is something that I do see as being pretty valid. I was lucky that my mom found a great guy that was willing to be my stepfather when I was only 5 years old. I think this is a challenge to a man who has never been a father. Personally, I would rather raise money for Bill Gates than raise someone else’s child.

Wow.

Your world must be a small one. I was, as a single mom, pretty damn offended by this, “Personally, I would rather raise money for Bill Gates than raise someone else’s child.”

I understand this is supposed to be humourous but the sad thing is it is all too true. I’m not desperate but I don’t understand why men are so afraid of getting married. I mean is it really that unappealing to live and make a life and family with somebody. I beleive love is just being able to care about someone and help them through their life. Girls don’t do the place card thing they just stick boys in the friend zone which in my oppinion is much better because at least it dosen’t lead the boy on to really fall in love and want a life with somebody. All I want is a man who will stand by me who I can stand by. I know there are no bells and whistles and cinderella stories the fact is one person will always like the other one more. So I prefer to date boys who I’m not awe struck by because I don’t want to be disapointed by who they end up to really be. But even boys who I pick because they seem safe still are rediculousy scared of commitment. I guess I will just have to start a family on my own. How sad men.

Well – – this surely makes me want to say “fuck him, then” and make his life a living bitch hell and just play him! Men are pigs, right? This is why I was happier single!!!!!
Then answer for me this question: He say’s he’s “committed” to ME, to “US” and wants the whole nine-yards (marriage, kids, house, …..retirement), but he still hangs on to photos of other womens vagina on his phone as well as boobs and his porn collection!!!! Now, he is an electrician, I am a Certified Paralegal. We live with his parents – MY WORST NIGHTMARE, but I’m putting up with it EVERYDAY and doing house work and cooking – playing his little ‘house-wifey,’ I’m 24, he’s 36. We have been dating for 3 years – what the hell is the problem here?

I don’t understand…….I am not trying to be a Bitch at all because he knows how I truly feel about him, but when he says he truly loves me with all his heart, mind, body, and soul, and then keeps pictures like that in his phone ,,,, I get confused as to what it means to him when he says those things and how committed is he really!!!!! I am asking because I am trying to understand that when a guy says he loves you like the way my boyfriend says it, how true is it – what about when he breaks my heart or disappoints me. It seems like I am always the one disappointing him, yet I’m not the one fascinated with other naked people when in my heart, mind, body, and soul, is only devoted to him.

Help me understand more of what you mean that the problem is ME. Should I put my walls up again to protect myself from getting hurt over and over? I’m just trying to reach out here hoping for a new solution and maybe a new approach to things ….

Go out and ask a few older women 35+ how much pornography plays a part in their husband/boyfriends (ex?) life. Now ask them if they think it hurts their marriage. Now ask them if they think they could ask him to remove this from his life.

Ask a few older men now 35+ how much they look at pornography, when they started, and why. Now ask if they feel watching pornography has hurt their past and current relationships.

If you really want to understand this, talk to people that have already learned this lesson. It is the best way to really understand.

planation, went to d girl’s family to commence marriage arrangement. The second girl finished her exams, went for PT and it was positive. She met d guy that same day to told him abt it and d guy was happy and asked d girl what she wants cos he’s with her all thru in any decision she makes and that was when he started telling her what he’s been up to. The girl being of the catholic foundation couldn’t think of abortion and expected d guy to do d right thing by going to her parents but he freaked out and told d girl that he can’t do that and will not be able to withdraw his intentions from d first girl’s family. Now, they’ve gone to see d doctor and he advised them against abortion cos she was 8wks gone. She comes from a very good family and has all it takes but she’s confused on what action to take towards justice. She needs our help cos d guy can’t go scot free if he intends to ruin her future.

I really don’t understand it at all. He says he will marry me, but the excuse is always the same: “I don’t have the money to buy you a ring” he says. He swears up and down that he wants to marry me but when? I don’t see his financial situation getting better for at least 10 more years. I am the money maker in this relationship and have even offered to buy the ring. We have dated for over 2 years. He couldn’t wait to marry his ex wife. He was married and had her pregnant in under a year. She isnt even smart or beautiful. Not to brag but I’m georgeous, have 2 college degrees, can hold a conversation, am amazing in the sack….I just don’t get it. He does’t even mention me to other people in conversations, he just talks about the band and other things in his life to his friends and leaves me completley out of the picture. I’m at the point to where I’m not going to invest 10 years of my life just being someone’s live-in girlfriend. It’s either get married or break -up. I have too much self respect to be with someone not as invested in the relationship as I am.

WOW, seeing the age of this article makes me realize that I have basically existed with rose colored glasses the last 3 years.
I have come to realize that age is not a factorwhen it comes to this topic. We are both in our 50’s, no children at home and no mention of marriage either.
However, on Valentine’s Day (also our anniversary), I had an epiphany! I asked myself, why am I upset about the man I love not asking me to marry him when there are so many other obvious problems in this relationship!! Ergo, the rose colored glasses! Little or no sex in the last year, forgot my birthday in 2011. Last year not even a card, only a verbal birthday wish. No personal card for any other holiday or occasion. Constantly too tired to go anywhere. And here’s the deal breaker for me. Two months ago, he gets a call from his ex’s daughter (note: he was with this ex for 10 years and never married her), his ex is dying of lung cancer. He feels that he needs to hook up with her on facebook and by phone to be a “friend”. They have not spoken to each other in over three years!! For some reason, I have a problem with him sitting in the back office at home chatting with her on line while I watch TV alone! Am I wrong here? Please help me with this. However, I’m pretty sure I know the real problem here. I have spoken to him about his reconnection with her, and the fact that he still continues, should be the only slap in the face that I need!! RIGHT??
Help me pack my bags please!!!!

First of all, I have never considered myself ‘desperate’ for marriage…*(except maybe somewhat with one relationship with an older boyfriend who was an unattainable type), I have always tried to not push it in relationships and have even probably shunned it, myself. But in my last relationship, which is now broken up, it was at the three year point and the guy was saying that that was around the time that couples determined whether they should get married or not… like start looking into it kind of thing… well anyway, he would outright say things like “I don’t know if we’re compatible for marriage…” like it was nothing… and then he started to bring up ‘terms’ which were ‘relationship deal breakers’ and that the relationship couldn’t go further *without my ‘agreeing’ to those terms…? One of which had to do with money issues, which is one of the points mentioned in the article. All this came up after I confronted him about his behavior towards me which included yelling and anger… everybody gets angry yes but his seemed to be a little too much sometimes…. it’s almost like he brought up his ‘issues’ so that he wouldn’t be the only one that was ‘imperfect’. It seems…. idk… it’s just weird b/c he wasn’t like that earlier on… in fact, early on within the first few months of our relationship he mentioned marriage but almost as something that he wanted to make sure was brought up at some point… and he said if I didn’t want to marry him at some point he’d want to know… and can we talk about it again in a year… that was only a few months in and I can tell you that it freaked me out a bit… it was too much too soon… I had a mutual friend that knew him from school talk to him about it and he calmed down for a while… but anyway I know I ramble on…. part of my problem probably… 😉 well it went relatively normally for a while, we had some other issues come up, unrelated to that… but within the last year things started going inexplicably bad… could be many reasons… I have been guilty of being ‘the angry one’ as well I will admit … but as far as my financial situation, I’m not terribly in debt, just a little I think and I always pay my bills… I didn’t really live with him *(just partially, too long to explain here) but at one point he didn’t approve of my job *(where previously he never really brought it up), and suddenly said I either need to get another job on top of mine I guess or another one altogether. *(I work part time although make good money for it…), but towards the end that wasn’t good enough anymore for him… he makes pretty good money as a nurse). But anyway, he started to say that I need to make more money… and save up more… in order to be good enough for him it seems…. it made me feel like well you know… it’s one thing if someone has certain ideals or values but does it seem like he was trying to make me into his ideal as a friend of mine said once? I mean that’s not fair… you can’t demand someone else to change like that and make ultimatums about it. Am I being unreasonable? It probably doesn’t matter what his intentions were ultimately because I didn’t feel loved or accepted in many other ways from him…. he would hardly talk to me or even text when we were apart… it seemed like I always had to initiate contact. Honestly he seemed perfectly fine without me… just doing whatever and getting angry and defensive when I confronted him about it… I know, probably some other errors here too… but he even went so far to say that “if I made these certain changes, which were considered things that one should learn in a relationship anyway” that and I quote – “even if we broke up, I’d be a better person. ” I have never heard or had anyone say such a thing to me – it just seemed strange. So anyway, my question is what was the real issue here? Seems it was a combination of things – the financial imbalance issue for one, maybe some emotional things, but also and I think mostly it was the ‘Placeholder issue’ it seems like I didn’t quite fit his ideal of the ‘perfect woman’ but I was good enough ‘for now?!’ Am I crazy here or did I see something true? I don’t know if I’ve ever been so insulted and hurt in a relationship *(and I’ve had some doozies), somehow these interactions just left such an indelible mark upon my psyche…. it’s only been a couple months or so and I am still wracking my brain over all this and wondering what exactly went wrong… having a hard time getting over it all too… this is the last person I would have taken for a ‘typical guy’ he was ‘different’ or so I thought from most other guys, especially the ones I’ve been around. Actually not someone I would have thought I’d go for… although in the end he started to remind me of almost every other bad relationship I had…. total turnaround…. and yet I am still kinda hung up on this…. don’t know if it’s love or just attachment… if someone can give me some truth, or a BS detector or something to help along the process of letting go maybe it will help… I know I write a lot…. sorry… ;’^