This is a GREAT post. Great message. I am Italian and I can be brutally honest. :) On this subject and on many others. I love the whole post and specifically that you, at the end, emphasized that porn addiction has no gender. Sometimes we forget about that. I also love the strength of your love which comes from your inner confidence in who you are.

"Since then I have moved far away from Utah.A place I felt had too many secrets, I wanted to live life out in the open.Open about sin, and righteousness."Best part of this whole post... Why is our culture so secretive?

Thank you for this one! I have been that daughter as well, and have seen my father struggle for 25+ years. His addictions have destroyed 2 marriages (and families...which incldues 12 total children) it wasn't until recently that it is something we have been able to communicate about, though I have known since I was 5. So thank you for talking about it.....it is a real problem and there are many victims.

When I read the lines starting with "My father is a man..." and through to the end, a feeling of such spiritual intensity swept over my entire body that surprised me and left me almost joyous--because the spirit is always such. I felt the love you offered your father and the love our Father and Brother offer us. I have hated and hated the boys/men in my life that have been addicted to pornography so much--so much. Your compassion helped me to see this degrading, destroying disease a little differently. I feel so blessed to have read this. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It was a horrifying story, beautifully told.

And C-Jane: thank you for providing the forum for these stories to take place.

The more people share the more people will get comfortable with sharing. Last Sunday in Sacrament a man have a talk with his family. There talks were amazing because they shared their stories. The father told the ward he had been excommunicated and how became back. My father was excommunicated this past year and I have only told a few people. I commended this man for telling his story. He touched people's lives for sharing. We help others when we share our stories, the good, bad and the ugly. Thank you for these series thank you

Beautifully written, truthfully written, heartwrenchingly old. Thank you for sharing a portion of your soul with us. So many in the gospel either have suffered under a similar story, or know someone very close to them who has, and from all of them, or us, I am so garetful for your courage in saying things that need to be said. One of the great secrets of pornography addiction is the pretend life of normalcy, even while the hearts of the mother and children are cracking into shattered pieces. This story is not told, and every time it is not told, those shatters of the former life, the lost dream, embed themselves in greater and greater pain in those who are grieving. Through the telling, this is how healing can begin for others. So thank you, from those who do not yet have the words to share their own stories, as well.

Another beautifully written, well done piece. I think this one rings differently from the others simply because it is from a unique perspective, an adult/young adult child of an addict. To whoever you are, anonymous, thank you for sharing your story.

----------

Why can't we live from authenticity without fear of our peers?

----------

This! This! There are many things I love about the LDS church, but (in my experiences) authenticity is not really there.

I believe God's commandments are so that a) we can show obedience b) we can simply live a better life. I found many times that people weren't following them out of their heart (and I've been there, and I respect that-- fake it until you make it), following them and then living secret life or else unable to follow them and thus were judged by the community. There needs to be more grace.

The LDS church community I dream about/hope for is less concerned with a check and balances of obedience resulting in callings/missions/recommends but more so with the whole person and who they are in Christ. I get it that "no unclean thing" can enter in the presence of God/the Temple, but it begs the question- aren't we all unclean to some degree? Obeying the law of chastity, but racking up credit card debt and living beyond your means? The lack of authenticity is frustrating.

"The more people share the more people will get comfortable with sharing"

These are hard topics. People don't want to admit they struggle with hard things. And that is also part of how addiction works. The lie is that you can kick it yourself. So it stays in isolation.

I'm so, so grateful to cjane for giving people a voice so that more talking can be done about this topic.

But I think we ALL have a responsibility to help our culture be less shame-based. It's easy to suggest that "others" should be more open, but I think we each need to decide we will do our part to be vulnerable. How many of us really choose to talk about our own weakness?

God bless those here who are being vulnerable.

BTW, to the author of this post, it was powerful and moving and, as someone noted above, a much-appreciated perspective. So many children suffer in silence and because they are children, they have no one to be their voice. May we all be sensitive and watch out for children who may be crying out for help.

Also, adult children of addicts need support, too. (That's why there's an Al-Anon for adult children (and loved ones) of alcoholics. There's also S-Anon (or S-Ateen) and the Church's family support program for loved ones of those who struggle with sexual addiction. FWIW.

I'm also going to put another plug in for the documentary, Shamed. If you have a few extra dollars to spend on a worthy cause, you could help tackle the culture of shame that often surrounds this topic in Christian communities.

Beautifully expressed thoughts. There is so much guilt, shame, humiliation and embarrassment associated with pornography addiction that family members can either add to or help the addict overcome. Your attitude will help.

I'm also grateful that you pointed out one of the consequences of all pornography viewers: an increase in agner towards others. The resulting reduction in the capacity to love combined with the self-hatred that comes from viewing always increases anger towards others.

By the way, help for porn addicts is increasing all the time. In addition to the 12-step programs that are commonly known, many other programs are helping.

I wanted to share another story that touched me. A sister in our ward has been a member her entire life, one of the only members in her family. She comes to church on and off. My visiting teaching companion is her friend and visiting teacher. My visiting teacher was telling me a little about this sister and her struggles. The sister struggles with smoking. When my visiting teacher went to her home one day she was smoking on the front porch. The sister felt ashamed and quickly tried to hide and put the ciagrette out. My sweet visiting teacher said, "don't put it out on my account. I love you. I am here to visit with you not to judge." The sister felt so loved and relieved. She mentioned how a lot of the others sister from the ward tell her to put it out and preach about not smoking and how she feels so judged. When i heard this it saddens me. My sweet visiting teacher said we all have things we struggle with. Her struggle is more present and on the outside, others struggle on the inside and they are not so present but they are all things that keep us from God. That is why we share and love unconditionally and SHARE with each other our experiences.

My friend married and later found out about her husband's porn addiction. They have gone on to develop a program for it.Their website is settingcaptivesfree.com. I personally don't know a lot about it, but perhaps it will be helpful to someone.

My husband and I went through this and it's very hard on the spouse as well as the person and it almost ended our marriage. My husband still to this day has some problems, but I'm there for him to get him and us through it. I also blame myself for what happened to us b/c I went along with him b/c I thought that would make him happier and in turn would make us happier, I found out that just wasn't the case It made me very unhappy. It also ended up in an affair on his part. But I made my stand and told him "It's me and the kids or that stuff" and gratefully he choose us and it's been a little rocky at times but getting much better. So if you hve this happen to you. Pray and ask God for guidance.

Thank you J.G.! I am so deeply sorry that you and other children have to even consider these issues, let alone experience such heartbreak and disappointment. Pornography hurts. People who argue otherwise would have a hard time doing so after hearing how it has affected you and your siblings. It's an inexcusable shame, and I am so sorry you have been hurt in a way no child should ever hurt. I am so sorry that your innocence was stolen from you and for the very adult issues that were cast on you at such a young age. IT JUST ISN'T RIGHT...I can say that with 100% certainty. We need to stop intellectualizing pornography and look at its real victims. You have shown a light on pornography that illuminates it in raw clarity. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I love to read C.Jane but when this series started I almost called it quits. I think mostly because it scares the crap out of me. ..but I have read all the posts and this one really touched me of how a family works. I am not a CJane quiter, :). Life is messy!!! Mormon or not, resident of Utah or not, male or female, *crap* happens. Why are us humans so messy and we want to hide our mess?