Barebacked for the first time and I am freaking out

Hey. So here it goes. I had sex with one of the hottest guys I have ever seen while he was was visiting. I met him online. I have always used condoms and I rarely bottom. However, I let him fuck me and when he was fucking me he took off the condom because "he wanted to feel me". I know how lame that sounds. He fucked me pretty hard. However, he did not ejaculate in me. I feel so dumb because I have never let this happen before. He asked me if I was negative before sex. I am negative and I get tested every three months religiously. I asked him if he was negative before sex and he said "of course". This was 36 hours ago. I feel so fucking dumb. I know that many people that have HIV aren't aware of their status and now Im wondering if he may be one of them. I know that the chances of getting HIV from his precum are smaller but I am panicking out of my mind. I'm agnostic but i have been literally praying all day.

I heard of a drug called PEP (It's different PREP). They give it to people that have an instance of unprotected sex and rape victims to prevent HIV transmission. The cocktail is 3 pills a day for a month. I heard that it is really expensive. Am I justified to be horrified? Are my chances of getting HIV low? Should I run to the clinic (PEP must be taken within 72 hours of sex). I'm freaking out guys ! Any advice.

At this point all you can do is wait six weeks and take a test. If it is negative, it's a good sign, but you still have to test again at three months to confirm your negative result. I know it is hard, but you really have to relax, because stressing out is not helpful.

Thanks for the advice. PEP is a drug significantly reduces the chance of getting HIV if it is taken within 72 hours. Hence, I have 36 hours left to take it. I am meeting with a doctor in my student health center in a couple of hours. I know I should relax but I just feel utterly ridiculous.

I feel like guys are always trying to have sex with me without condoms and I'm always like no thank you. I don't know what synapses weren't functioning properly. The guy is some sort of Israeli model..... and that makes me think that he must have sex with anyone he wants pretty easily all the time... and I met him on an app... and he didn't even have a condom on him (only lube)... and he took off the condom I brought which makes me think that he probably has done this before...

I know I sound like a crazy person... but it's my thought process right now.... I'm just going to pull an all-nighter, force my self to study.... fuck it, I'm just going to listen to Beyonce and continue praying....

Even if risks would be slim, is it something you'd be willing to take a chance on? Ejaculation reduces the risk somewhat, but one of the reasons gay men have been banned from giving blood is because of the high risks of contracting HIV when it comes to anal sex. I know you want to hear that it's fine but it's impoosible to say that since you just don't know, it might be nothing it might be something. Until you let some time pass and test yourself you won't know, just be cautious until the window-time has passed and get tested. And even if it is something, HIV isn't really a death-sentence. I know that's not what people want to hear but it is what it is. Everyone makes mistakes.

Like you said, a lot of people aren't aware of the fact that they're carrying HIV. And in fact, if he was positive and on medication, and he fucked you bareback, the chance of contracting HIV would be miniscule (some say non-existant but I don't believe that's theoretically accurate).