Monday, November 19, 2007

LiLo Goes House Hunting...Sort Of.

Speaking of young Hollywood trainwrecks with dwindling cash reserves, gossip gangsta Perez Hilton reported the other day that rehab graduate Lindsay Lohan is out shopping for a new house...or more likely an affordable apartment.

One of Your Mama's impossibly well connected real estate sources tells us that poor Lindsay Lohan is, well, poor and that the young ladee who likes to spend money like she's a blinged up playa making piles of coin (remember that $1,000,000 bill she racked up at the Chateau Marmont?) is actually looking at apartments under $1,000,000, because that's all she can afford.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Maybe she should check out Tara Reid's condo at the Hollywood Versailles, which is on the market for $885,00.

23 comments:

Ms Frivolity
said...

"Please,please come back to me" she sobbed uncontrollably into her pink crystal encrusted phone,"PLEASE I need you now more than fuckin ever,don't be such a bitch".Listen I just bought this halfway decent apartment from that fat slut Tara Reid,but she left her grandma's furniture in here and I can't afford a nice gay decorator,so I was thinking you could come over....we could talk,and give me some ideas and shit?".A moment of dead air......."Well I know we haven't has any kind of relationship for a while but....."She put her Starbucks down and considered her options,1 just say no like she had to Michael's people because he was a hopeless mess or 2 Make up and air kiss,after all she was still high profile,even though it was mainly a low brow tabloid profile. Then there was the problem of fees,could she afford her services now?Rumor was around town that Kitson was suing her for a hundred grand plus in accessories and Hello Kitty merchandise.On the other hand she should be weened off that crap anyway,she could call in the big guns from Paris and New York,she might even give Kelly a call as a favor to help out with the decorating problem."OK baby let's have lunch at the Ivy tomorrow".She put her iphone back into her large Balanciaga bag thing and said to herself "Oh shit here we go again!"

Real estate agents are such con artists Lilo should hold on, btw this house now has a 649k asking price with plenty of wiggle room.

Kate describes her conversation with an agent about a house in Sherman Oaks -- a house Kate feels is worth about $725,000.

"Me: You want me to write an offer for $800k, and take back about $40k, so I am giving the seller only $760k.

Agent: Yes! Yes!

Me: But I pay 5% commission on that higher sales price?

Agent: Well... yes but you are getting cash back for your closing costs and improvements...

Me: Again, I am paying 5% commission on $800k instead of $760k, and my property tax basis will be $800k instead of $760k?

Agent: Well, the property tax is only 1.25%

Me: Every year."

So what did Kate finally tell the agent? "Trust me, I know how it works: You get a bigger commission and you get to delay the inevitable price crash in your little pocket neighborhood. The sales data for the area will reflect artificially high prices so honest people with decent incomes and good credit scores who used to be able to afford the area no longer can. And what do I get? A $40k loan that I don't want or need. As a bonus, I will not only pay interest on this wholly unnecessary $40k loan but I will pay an additional $2,000 sales commission to you and my agent up front because that $40k is being treated like purchase money. But that's not all! No! I will also have to pay an additional $500 in property taxes every year I own the house because the records will reflect an artifically high purchase price."

I have never in my life heard a story like Kates...not saying it didn't happen, but if it really did, she should have contacted the agent's broker and then called the Dept. of State, filed a complaint and had the agent's license ripped from them. The scenario you depicted is not only unethical, it's illegal.

Seriously people, there are loads of honest and hard working real estate agents and you shouldn't let the bad apples spoil the bunch so to speak. If you feel your agent is shady, then call another one. God knows there's enough of them out there that you needn't be using one with questionable ethics.

Some doctors get sued for malpractice because they've acted unethically...does that mean that ALL doctors are bad? Does that mean we should vilify doctors who make piles of money treating the vulnerable, the sick, the dying, the diseased. Do you know how much it costs to see a doctor when you don't have health insurance? How is that ethical for a provider of healthcare to charge hundreds and thousands of dollars to help the ill? Maybe we should all jump on them as being greedy opportunists too.

Here's Kate's story.............She live in a one bedroom rental in Sherman Oaks and has never heard of Balanciaga.She shops at the dress barn,and costco.I'm sorry but I have to stop here before I burst into tears.

Yeah it's like Aunt Mary said "I thought I got on some mortgage lending seminar message board by mistake".Kate is common and middle class we don't care about her and her fake bag and cheap shoes.What WE care about is celebrity real estate and all the cheese that goes along with it,so drop the doom and gloom and bring on the Balenciaga!

I don't know why we can have parallel universes here. Real estate drudges AND wacko drama queens! It's a good fit. It's like when you're half way through a bag of Dove dark chocolate and you say "Hey, what the hell am I doing?" And then you go for the sack of cheesy corn curls. You know, balance.

Caveman you are THE American male,and for that we love you.You're not bothered by the gays or the crazy cast of Hollywood types and other kinds of unsavory rich types that Mama writes about,you just don't understand their strange rituals.Well you don't have to,just be grateful for your genuine caveman lifestyle.