So I actually attended the Ontario Open this past weekend and remembered that I should write about the Niagara Open, which happened at the end of March. Remember how I wrote earlier about the cut for this tournament being not so great and wanting to do better? It’s because I only just made weight this time with little room to spare, but thankfully nogi was the same day, so it wasn’t a problem. Going to Niagara Falls was kind of fun and it had a road trip-ey feeling to it. I haven’t been to the falls since I was a kid, so I was excited too to see the falls up close again (spoiler alert: it was too dark and cold so we just walked up and looked at it from a fair distance then walked back to the car). The tournament was in the convention centre, which is apparently a fairly new construction. The building was nice enough; there was a dance competition the same day so it was a bit surreal walking through crowds of costumed girls with more flexibility than I can ever dream of. The contrast was fascinating.

The main problem I had with the venue was that it was very dark over the mats, which was apparently a ballroom. I wonder if it was possible to turn the lights up more, since the mood lighting was a little weird, and it made taking photographs difficult, even during the day. Also, the sound system was so loud that it was difficult to hear the referees or being called for the weigh in. I was otherwise pleased with how the tournament was run.

Anyways, onto the matches and results!

I guess this is the match (and the tournament) that helped me learn that I really need to get mentally ready to roll. I’m experimenting with changing how I warm up, though it is hard sometimes because the warm up mats are always a little too small in some respects. Though the beginning is missing from the video, I felt that I should have been more active in general, which is what led to the point at which the video starts. Since then I’ve worked on improving my half guard and plugging all the little holes that are in it. I also started to understand that I do only have 5 minutes to work with, though a theme with me is that if I had only a little more time I could come back from the losing side. I do like the thrill of the reversal or the sweep and getting on top after being stuck on the bottom, but it’s obviously not a tenable strategy to win a BJJ match.

Up next is my absolute match, which I really felt ambivalent about. I ended up losing in the last second by an advantage, but fair is fair, I suppose. I thought that her penalty would count against it, but I was wrong. I have to brush up on the rules for advantages and penalties I think. She was a heavyweight (two weight classes above me), and I was stuck in her closed guard for most of the match. It was difficult to do the standing guard break, but I tried and succeeded in opening it a few times. The advantage happened because I didn’t think to stabilise myself and stayed on both knees – this is inherently an unstable position in open guard situations, and I got bowled over, but turtled up (hence the advantage). I’ve been practising standing guard breaks since the tournament, and Jeff gave me important advice during one of our fundamentals classes: don’t look at them and stay really postured and straight. I treat it now like I treat squatting heavy weight – I look up at a certain point where the wall and the ceiling connect to keep my posture strong.

Patricia clarified the points/advantages/penalties situation for me on Facebook, so I’ve decided to amend the post with what she told me: penalties come into play when the score is tied only; the advantage was awarded because time ran out, but if there was more time, she would have had sweep points if she had stayed on top (2) as turtling only prevents guard pass points, not sweep points.

This division was the one I was most disappointed by in and of itself, mostly because I thought we were doing best 2 of 3 matches since there were two of us, but the referee told us we had to agree on it, and my opponent said she was too tired to continue, which is fair, since she was also in my gi division and had a hard match (but in a separate part of the bracket). Now I know to ask the referee before any matches in a small division whether it’s possible to do 2 out of 3. She ended up doing an anaconda choke, which in my experience is always neck cranky – I didn’t feel like I was being choked, but my neck began to hurt, so I had to tap. I try now not to let people have that head and arm control necessary for anacondas and d’arce chokes, since I hate how they feel. She worked really hard to get the grips, so at least my defence is somewhat effective, however, I have to be careful with turtle and I can’t stay there too long – which is my main problem I think.

I do really enjoy doing absolutes, and I have faced Michelle before at the Ascension tournament earlier this year, though in gi absolute. Michelle has good energy about her, is great at jiu-jitsu, and it’s always a blast to face off with her or to see her at tournaments. This match helped me learn to try to stay strong and keep my posture and have confidence in my abilities. She won by americana from top half guard, so again, this was something to add to my obsessive ‘perfecting’ of my bottom half guard game – trying not to give up any underhooks, ever, because they’re all mine. I’ve figured some quarter guard stuff out in the gi with an overhook, but it’s not as effective as the underhook and it doesn’t work in nogi.

Since there were four competitors in the nogi absolutes, the organiser was kind enough to let us have a third place match. What made me happy about this match (other than that it was the only one that I won) is that I hit the one arm mounted guillotine butterfly sweep thing that I was shown in nogi once (from turtle, not standing) and have drilled a whole lot. I didn’t manage to finish it due to posture, but I really like it as an option from standing or turtle. Johnny showed it to us after seeing it as a finish in a recent(ish) UFC. I’m happy too that even when I was on the bottom I managed to regain position – like what I wrote before about the thrill of the sweep, though reflecting on the omoplata sweeps I did, I didn’t really hook the leg and relied a little too much on my (robust, reason I’m in middleweight) legs. Also rewatching it near the end, I do what I always do to stay up by posting with my face. I think it’s ok, though I had to learn not to post too much towards my nose because it kept getting squashed. I really enjoyed my match with Greta; she had good heart and kept working even though I’m bigger than her. I met her again at the Ontario Open, and she might be coming to visit our gym soon.

After the tournament was over, we decided to go look at the falls, even though it was cold and dark. The concierge at the convention centre gave us good advice about parking and walks, and we were off. We decided to ride the Ferris Wheel, and I wanted to take photos, but it was a bit too dark. Also, we didn’t realise but it was Earth Hour, so the falls weren’t lit up until later.

Ferris wheel, though it’s so dark you can’t see the falls.

After the Ferris wheel, we walked down Clifton Hill to go look at the falls, but it was cold and dark and lonely once we passed out of the main part of the street. I found the whole experience simultaneously over- and underwhelming. It seemed much bigger when I was a kid but the strong, tacky-tourist focus of Clifton Hill (where we were advised to go) was equal parts nostalgic and off putting for me. I don’t like spending too much time in loud, bright places like that. I understand why other people like it and revel in it, but I think it’s just not for me all the time. I’m glad that we went though, because the falls are wonderful, and I love them. I’d like to visit again in the day.

The American falls; the only good shot I took

After sort of completing the walk to the falls, we stopped at Wendy’s because we were a) lazy and b) cheap c) weight cut reasons. I learned you can ask them to make your food fresh. I also took the opportunity to revive my favourite genre of selfie; I like selfies of reflections a lot, but I also like selfies where I, the subject, am very small.

Anyway, I suppose I’m digressing a bit far from the tournament-oriented nature of the post, so I’m going to leave it here, and hopefully in another few days I’ll write about the Ontario Open (famous last words). I’m really hoping to update more frequently; I was just ever so busy this past month.

I’m disappointed, or I was. After a progression in my tournament performance that seemed like it reached ever upwards, I hit a wall. I started writing this post soon after the tournament, but I decided to wait and reflect on it some more before expressing my feelings. I want to be honest in this post. I was upset after, but I didn’t show it or at least I tried not to, because my teammates were happy, and I was in a corner of myself so happy for them and their performance. I love being part of a team, and I love to see my teammates do well. All I could feel inside about my performance, though, was shame. I felt like I let the team down, even though I did win one match and get bronze in gi for that (1-2 record for this tournament, 3-12 record total). I feel like these emotions carried over into nogi, and I performed really poorly in that division, and I ended up with silver (by default, as there were two people in the division).

I felt the same way about the competition for days after, but I was afraid to express these feelings. I felt a gloominess hanging over me, and the time between the tournament on Saturday and my return to BJJ class on Monday seemed to stretch on forever. I, of course, slept in on Sunday and forgot about daylight savings time, so I skipped class that day. It was the beginning of weave pass week (at our gym we have themed weeks by position or technique). The weave pass really spoke to me, and as I understood it better as the week passed by and as I managed to complete the pass during rolling, I felt better about my jiu-jitsu. As time passed I felt better about my performance at the tournament, and a bit embarrassed about how fragile I was after, but not embarrassed enough not to joke about it later. I thought maybe I was burnt out, but in reality, I just didn’t have a good day in terms of performance and I let it affect me too much. Having spent the time to reflect on this has really helped me improve both my physical and mental ‘games.’ Doing tournaments, in my mind, only helps me get better in a numerous ways, and I’d recommend it to everyone.

Anyway, enough waffling on about feelings and stuff, I’m going to recap and share some of the photos from the tournament:

Before it all started, after weighing in. Photo by my teammate, Geoff.

Since Grappling Industries has a round robin format, everyone is ‘guaranteed’ four matches. Going into my division, which was called an hour early, I thought I had four. It turned out I didn’t. This made me really irritable after our division finished, because I thought that I honestly had another chance to turn things around, and I really just want to have the maximum amount of matches. I think someone may have dropped our of our division, but still. “Guaranteed” means something different to everyone, I suppose. I may have got mixed up in terms of the order of my matches, but I don’t think it matters that much…

Dana and I side-eyeing some people in the warm up area

I didn’t feel tired after my matches, excepting my first match in gi where I almost passed out. I thought that I was fine, but then I realised just as I was about to fall asleep that my nose and mouth were completely covered by her gi. I know I need to work on being more aggressive. That being said, I tried to go into the second match with more of it.

That feeling where all the lights go out in your head. Photo by Joey Simoes

I lost my second match on points. I’m going to focus this month on learning better turtle escapes and reversals. My March focus has been practising inversions (inverts?) and I’ve gotten okay at them, though I still need practise. I feel that if I don’t give up my back so much that it will be much harder for me to lose on points. I give away too many back points. My opponent, Kat, posted our match on Facebook, so I’m using her video here:

Starting with the grip work and trying to be aggressive

I did much better in my third match, though it didn’t help my mood. I managed to stay on top for most of the match, but Karin is very skilled and turned the game around so I had to work from closed guard, which I don’t really like very much, since I prefer half guard. She almost got the armbar at the end, and I remember that moment with utmost clarity. Jeff was yelling the time left in the match and everyone was screaming not to tap, but I knew that since I had her leg, that there was plenty of space to turn in and get my arm back (which I had also turned to prevent the armbar).

Check out the scoreboard 🙂

Where is my body and why is my arm over there

Just escaping the armbar and freaking out my coach :<

My arm, all miiiine

Podium pic by Karin

I got a bronze medal that looks kinda goldish I guess? #bronzelife

Nogi really bummed me out, to be honest. I wasn’t looking forward to it because my mind was already foggy and I didn’t feel very good about competing. I decided to suck it up anyway, but I did rather poorly, though in my second match (we did two out of three because there was two of us) I only lost on the back points (again…). Unfortunately, I don’t have a video of those matches, but I do have a podium picture. Ooops.

Default silver in nogi life.

I actually just competed in another tournament this weekend, so I have yet another long-winded grappling post to write for all of you. I felt much better about this past tournament than Grappling Industries, but sometimes you have to feel badly in order to grow and improve.

Get cosy for another post you may or may not care about where I get too excited about grappling and BJJ

So at the end of January I competed at the Ascension tournament in middleweight and at the absolute division (which is all weights at white belt). I had a lot of fun at the tournament and felt really that my confidence and assertiveness were much better than last time. I guess also I’m continuing to keep my 26 before 26 goal, which was to win a BJJ match. Making weight this time felt a little more taxing than last time, to be honest, even though I’m always within 3-4lbs of what I need to be at my normal weight. I always panic diet, every single time. I can’t help it. I’m glad that I’m used to ‘cutting’ (in a minor way), since I felt fine when I got there, and I wasn’t really even hungry. In fact, I don’t really ever feel hungry in a strong way on a tournament day, though after I finish competing I generally just stuff my face forever. After Provincials I probably ate continually for a solid 45 minutes to an hour. I do pack a lot of food for tournaments, but to be honest, it’s because I like to share with my teammates too, even if they’re not competing and running a booth/generously making sure no one runs off with my stuff (shout out to Cory and The Gi Hive!).

This time, the ladies’ white belt divisions were lucky, since we didn’t have to wait until later in the day like the male white belts, so we got to start at around noon, and even better (and unfortunately, unusual for a BJJ tournament), we started on time.

Improving upon my last tournament, my first match was won by submission, namely an armlock from kesa gatame. I was really happy to win a match by submission. I really like traditional judo-style kesa gatame. It’s a solid hold-down and there are a fair amount of options for the finish, and the transition to north south or back to regular side control isn’t too difficult. We practice these in judo as the “holddown clock,” which for me has really helped me position myself better, especially in terms of improving my pressure. I’ve found myself more and more getting the straight armlock from kesa gatame, and I think that’s because I’ve really improved my positioning.

Traditional kesa gatame. All of these photos were taken by (as you can see from the watermark) Joey Simoes.

Trying to get the arm

elation!

I lost my second match, but I feel ok about it, since I didn’t get submitted and I only conceded points near the end. I’m happy about my (numerous) takedown attempts and I know I need to work on getting on top after the take down. I should have stayed tighter with the tani otoshi I caught on her, but I kept fighting hard. I ended up chilling out too long in bottom half guard, like in my other match at Provincials. She had her gi wound up under my nose but it wasn’t really a choke at all, just a pain in the butt. If I had thought better, I would have probably figured that out first, since it restricted my movement. Jeff told me that I need to tighten up my wrestling and learn some more half guard sweeps. Last week Jeff showed me the Bernardo sweep which is from deep half, and then Cory (whom I mentioned earlier) helped me with some of the details when I practised it during advanced class. I feel better now that I’m concentrating more on sweeps.

the worst wrestler

bottom half life

Someone neglected to film my match in absolutes, and I’m not naming names, but you know, he’s the worst and stuffbut it’s ok I still like him, I guess…. I’m glad that I did absolutes in any case. Michelle asked if I would, since her division didn’t have anyone in it, and of course I agreed to. She won against my above opponent (the second match), and then after one of my team-mates had a match, we faced each other. She dominated me for probably 2/3 of the match, staying on top, but I managed to sweep her and get on top then I worked as best I could. I felt like I was going at a frenetic pace, almost the same feeling as when you ride a bike down a huge hill and you don’t know if you’re going to be able to stop if there’s a barrier. Maybe that’s the adrenaline dump? I don’t know. I took her back but didn’t quite get the hook, and as the time wound down my hearing seemed to disappear, but I heard Jeff shouting something about time, and I tried to sink in the choke, but the buzzer went before she tapped. Though I trapped one of her arms, my hook was not deep enough for points, but I still felt the excitement of the match, even though I lost. I felt wild after. I wanted to go again, but that’s that when it’s single elimination. Some people after (namely a random white belt guy who called me “bro”) told me that she tapped before the buzzer, but I didn’t feel anything. I think maybe she hovered a little because I was giving it all I had. A close match is an exciting match, and I’m happy that so many people watched it and we both had a good time.

turning the tide, aka who is that person made of hair

double overhooks eff it imma choke

tight-ish

tired and wild

In the end, I received second place in my weight class, and third place in absolutes. I’m pretty happy with how things turned out, and I feel really confident about the next competition in March. I’m working on a post actually about my grappling confidence so hopefully I’ll manage to finish it before then. There are a lot of things I did before the Ascension tournament that really helped me out, and I think other people have had the same problem that I do with assertiveness and confidence.

pleased face

All in all, the Ascension Tournament is probably my favourite yet, and not just because I was far more successful in it. It was well-organised, ran on time, and everyone was friendly. I hope my next tournament is just as fun.

I didn’t think I’d finish one of my 26 before 26 goals so soon. I did the Ontario Provincials for BJJ and I won a match in my gi division. Since the tournament is single elimination, that meant that I got to have two matches in the gi, though I lost my second match to the woman I faced at my first tournament, who is very experienced, won all of her matches, and is an amazing jiu-jitsuka. I won the first match by points, which are fairly straightforward. I lost my only nogi match. The tournament followed the IBJJF rules. There are two points for knee on belly, a takedown, or a sweep; three for passing the guard, and four for mount or back control with hooks. I got two points for a takedown at the beginning and two points for a sweep at the end. I had one of my teammates take a video, and you can watch it below. I haven’t uploaded my other matches yet since this one took almost two hours to upload for some reason or other. I might post them later if I have the patience.

I rarely win things, and I guess the feeling of winning is surprising and empowering. The other girls in my division asked me why I looked so surprised, but I held back and didn’t tell them until after I was out after my second match. My coach said I have to be less nice and friendly so that I do better, and I guess he is right about the mental game when it comes to tournaments, though I find it hard not to be that way. Going into the first match I felt so calm and relaxed. I didn’t feel tired or stressed out. I just felt like I could do well, and that I was hopefully going to put up a good fight. As soon as I heard Jeff (the coach) shout that I was up on points, I knew I couldn’t let her pass my guard, and held on exhaustively for what seemed like ages as she struggled to pass. I kept setting her back and she kept pushing forward, but I felt stronger and less tired. I could hear her frustration as she struggled to pass. She changed directions, but by that point (near the end), I had pinched her knees together and ended up (jankily, really) sweeping her and started to work the pass. At that point, the match ended. The ref went to the table for what seemed like ages and I thought for a moment that she’d made a mistake with the points and that I’d lost. But then I meekly went to my place, and she raised my hand, and I held my arms up and wanted to shout so loudly, but I thought, maybe it’s better to be modest.

I felt like I’ve struggled a lot with the idea of winning. I feel like I don’t like to draw attention to myself too much, though, like everyone, I do like to know (quietly) I’m on the right track. I relish in doing something correctly, even with some style. I had a lot of trouble at the first two tournaments with the winning mentality. At the first tournament I tried to force myself to have ‘fire,’ and it didn’t really work. It wasn’t me to be hyper aggressive and I felt a bit fake. At the second tournament, I was hungry (mostly due to making weighthahaha) and maybe even ready, but I felt thrown off when my teammate joined my division at the last minute (though this wasn’t her fault at all, it was all in my own head). For me, I guess it’s difficult to alter my expectations or feelings about a space per se (abstract and emotional space in this sense, let’s get into emotional geographies just for fun). I find it difficult even in my everyday life, like when my space (room, apartment, whatever) has been disturbed in some way, or when something has been done differently than I expect or hope for.

Carrying on the gif theme here

This time, things seemed to go differently, and I felt prepared, despite my excessive friendliness, which I think helped. I didn’t feel very nervous at all. My chest tightened when the division was called, but that tension released as soon as they started running our matches. Even though I went with two new people (the one in gi and the other in nogi, since the second gi match was with someone I faced before), I felt quietly confident and self-assured.

and also explosive at times when appropriate

I feel good when I think about it, and I like that I managed to complete one of my yearly goals in (essentially) under a week and a half. I feel more confident in training too, though that may pass. It’s nice to have at least one corner of my life tidy.

now let’s do some cardio

I hope that I get to do more tournaments and win some more matches, as even though the match I won featured a takedown, it was not a sweet takedown or throw, so I still have to compete in order to fulfil that goal.

So I’m thinking about writing more about BJJ (Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu) and Judo in a kind of futile attempt to codify things I’m trying to learn. I’m going to define terms as they come since I doubt most of the people who read this are into grappling. Today I want to write about a sweep, that is, a reversal (so to speak) or a transition from an inferior position to a superior or neutral position. I saw this sweep last night on youtube and really wanted to start using it, because I’m in bottom half guard a lot. Half guard is a position where the bottom person has their legs around one of the top person’s legs (entangling them). Here is the video in question:

I like this channel so far, even though this is the first video he’s posted. He shows the positions nicely from multiple angles and discusses position and other options (like the head and arm guillotine escape – a guillotine is a type of choke). Today he posted another video with another example in competition:

I asked Jojo if we could work on it after class tonight before circuits and so we spent some time figuring it out. Mastering the ‘crowbar’ is a little tricky – you don’t want to have your knee too far out. The angle is key to the control, and it’s surprisingly useful. I could get it decently when I was sitting up, but lying down I had problems. I think I still have to work on it. I end up in three-quarter-mount which is a plus (a mount position with one foot trapped by the bottom person, mount is when you are sitting on top of the person’s upper body). Even if I don’t get the sweep right away, I think the ‘crowbar’ control will really help 🙂

In all honesty, stuck in a cloud of malaise. For the past few months, I’ve isolated myself and withdrawn from people. At first it wasn’t intentional, but then it persisted over time. I’ve been trying to get out and do things and see the people I care about but sometimes it’s difficult for me. This doesn’t reflect on the people (or outside)… it’s just something inside of me. Anyway, I guess this part of the post is a public apology for my behaviour. I’m trying to take ownership of it and move forward with my life.

Since my last post, I started doing more (Brazilian) jiu-jitsu and judo and grappling (at least attempting to complete some of my 25 before 25…). I really enjoy it, and I also competed twice, though I haven’t won a match yet (0-5, the best record). BJJ and judo have been positive influences and have helped me come to terms with my feelings in some respects. I have never really been athletic nor has my body accepted physicality and movement well, but I don’t mind. I just put the time in so I can get better. I want to do more competitions, but most of the upcoming ones coincide with things I can’t miss.

I got my first stripe

A default bronze – a little bit curious why I and the other third place woman didn’t have a match for it…

Default silver because there were two of us – she was very nice though

The team, or at least part of it! 🙂

Anyway, I’m sitting here wondering what to write next.. I guess I’m going to post a series of photos that shows approximately what I’ve been up to when I’ve managed to leave the house:

Going to the Islands with Kate and Sonya!

Getting bubble tea!

Taking hilarious photos of Peaches!

Hiking!

Loving fish!

Graffiti with charcoal!

A whole fried onion!

apple pickin! (with Kate and James)

HIKING AGAIN

Me writing this post

In any case, I think it might be prudent too to review my 25 before 25:

1. Drawing from prompts every day: This one didn’t really work out so well, but I have been doodling on and off.

2. Read Muumipappa ja meri in Finnish: I’m not really that far in, and I haven’t read any for a while.

3. Finnish diary: Haven’t written in it for some time, but have actually written stuff, so that’s not bad, right?

doin’ ok

4. Keep a scrapbook from January 2014 to January 2015: I have actually kept my scrapbook going, so A+ on this one.

sad about lifting

5. Lift bodyweight: I haven’t been lifting for almost half the year now mostly because of money/time/locational issues. I’d rather do BJJ and judo and such, and my new gym doesn’t have a weight room, but that’s ok.

6. Improve my jiu-jitsu and grappling: I’ve been going pretty much every day to train BJJ and twice a week in judo. I feel that I’ve improved. 🙂

7. Catalogue my books: No way. Oops.

like a dress or something

8. Make myself an item of clothing: There’s still time, and I do have the material…

preferably by train with tea

9. Visit a country I haven’t been to before: I’d say South Wales, but since it’s a part of Wales and I went there last year, it doesn’t count. This one is probably not going to happen.

lol oops

10. Finish writing up my safari in Tanzania: Still working on it. There’s a lot of photos.

papppeers

11. Publish two to three papers: Kind of, I guess the ones I have count, since they were published after my birthday. Check mark!

they will be as pretty as roses and probably rose flavoured

12. Make macarons at least twice: I haven’t yet, but I will hopefully before my birthday.

13. Start a blog series: I guess I’ve done tea reviews, books I have recently read, and another kind of review series I’m posting soong (games I have recently played), so this is ok. Cool people I know has to wait, since I want to set out the parameters/questions for it.