Right, that’s it from me. Stick around to see if Mike Selvey, Vic Marks and Ali Martin can make any sense of that shambles from England. And be sure to join us again tomorrow for day three. But for now, cheerio!

Siddle – bowling a gem of a spell – beats Moeen with another beauty that zips past the outside edge but the next is pushed down the leg side and flicked to fine leg for four. Moeen blocks and leaves the rest.

And that will be stumps, the end of another crazy day of Ashes cricket.

Wood plays and misses at Siddle outside off. And the next is short of a length and moves away like a leg break. The last nibbles back in but misses the edge once more.

Here’s Steve Sumner, coming in off his long run:

Despite the undeniable joy of victory in the series, I think this must be the most dismal Ashes I have ever seen as neither side has shown any sort of grit or resilience - instead both teams have lurched from the first successful blow landed by the other side and then collapsed in a pitiful fashion.

Obviously an England win is great but this sort of topsy turvy nonsense could be the death knell for Test cricket - there is no longer a an element of test here - instead pampered players, protected from the daily rigour of county cricket are lauded for coming in, smacking the ball about a bit and then heading back to the hutch.

I remember the glory days of English test cricket, when my mother had the time to chase the late, lamented Richie Benaud around the Oval in a forlorn hope of an autograph whilst the batsmen dashed and slashed their way to 1.33 runs an over - ok maybe that’s too much the other way but there’s got to be a happy balance somewhere

Wood dangles his bat outside off and gets enough on it to loop the ball over Warner in the gully. Four runs. From the next, though, Marsh has his man, tempting the drive and finding an edge through to first slip where Voges takes the catch. As Wood walks off, though, the umpires check the no ball … and it’s a huge one from Marsh. Almost as big as Finn’s effort at Smith was earlier. Dear me, what a mess. Wood celebrates the reprieve by poking another through the gully area for four to bring up the England 100.

Siddle returns with the express purpose of polishing this England innings off before the close. Moeen has another nibble outside off, the ball missing the outside edge by a whisker. And Siddle repeats the trick with the next. And with the next. The last of the over does find the edge, but it drops just short of first slip. A simply brilliant over from Siddle, a minor masterpiece.

“I’ve purchased tickets for the final three days of all this summer’s Tests, bar Lords,” writes Mark Carrington. “At lunch today, I was confident of doubling my time spent at The Ashes 2015 (approx 2 1/2 days), so far. Not now.”

Andy Zaltzman (@ZaltzCricket)

Australia's tactic of batting as badly as possible on the first day of Tests 3 and 4 is now looking questionable.

WICKET! Broad c Voges b Marcsh 0 (England 92-8)

Edge! Safe! Broad almost falls to Marsh from his third ball, but the edge drops just short of Clarke at second slip. But from the next ball he’s out, another nibble, another edge, and this time it flies to Voges at first slip.

Broad trudges off after being caught for 0. Photograph: BPI/Rex Shutterstock

Another furious bouncer from Johnson rears up at Stokes like an angry bear. Stokes does well to sway out of the way. And the batsman fights back well from the next, punching through cover point for two.

A cracking ball from Lyon does for Buttler, tossed up outside off and ripping back through the gate (although the gate was hanging off its hinges) as Buttler pushed forward. This is heading towards bizarro Ashes territory.

WICKET! Buttler b Lyon 1 (England 84-6)

So an under-pressure Jos Buttler strides to the crease. I don’t think he’s under pressure for his place, as such, but speaking to him between Tests he was very aware of his failure to contribute meaningfully with the bat in this series so far.

England’s Jos Buttler looks for normal service to resume with the bat | John Ashdown

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He gets off the mark immediately with an inside edge that skitters away to third man off the pad. Stokes wafts at the next outside off and he dangles his bat rather aimlessly at the last.

WICKET! Bairstow c Lyon b Johnson 13 (England 83-5)

Mitchell Johnson returns for one last blast before the close. And he does for Bairstow! It’s another soft dismissal. Johnson bangs one in, Bairstow loses control of his pull shot and picks out Lyon in the deep.

Nathan Lyon returns to the attack. Bairstow immediately pounces on a half volley and thunks down the ground for four, then tickles round the corner for one. This pair have the potential to be a seriously thrilling sight … but they’ve got some tough work to do first. Stokes edges wide of Clarke at slip for four. Twelve from the over, but despite that not a bad one from the bowler.

That was coming. Root never looked comfortable. The highlight of that wicket, though, was a superb replay as five Australian fielders called on Clarke, who was stock still and clearly didn’t much fancy it, to go for the review.

WICKET! Root c Neville b Marsh 6 (England 64-4)

Marsh drifts a little straight looking for the lbw and Bairstow shovels through midwicket for three. And there’s more surprise bounce for th bowler, jamming Root’s fingers against the bat handle. Root jousts at the next and there’s a definite noise as ball passes bat. The appeal is a little delayed … Dharmasena says no … but Australia opt to review. There’s nothing on HotSpot but a small spike on Snicko. I think this is out … and it is. It’s enough for the third umpire to overrule the decision.

Australia players celebrates after Joe Root is given out after referral. Photograph: Stu Forster/Getty Images

Siddle continues into his fifth over. He finds Root’s edge – it was a matter of time – but the England No4 plays with soft hands and the ball drops a good yard short of first slip. The last ball of the over crashes into the thigh pad, bringing brief appeals and an even briefer consideration about a review.

A delightful bit of bowling from Siddle, who sends down a ball angled in on Root’s off stump, drawing the shot and then seaming away past the outside edge. Root escapes to the non-strikers’ end thanks to a bye after Siddle gets another ball to swing to first slip’s right.

Johnson gets through his third maiden at Root. And Sky show a highlights package showing eight – EIGHT! – no balls from Johnson in this innings so far, none of which have been called by umpire Dharmasena.

“If the selectors are looking at Hales, is it worth taking another look at little James Taylor while they’re in Notts?” writes James Blanchard. “He seems to be doing as well as ever on the county circuit and hardly got a fair chance from those two tests a while ago.” Taylor should never be too far from their thoughts really but I’m not sure he’s an opener.

32.

And from the final ball of the over, Siddle overpitches and Bell breaks the streak by unfurling a glorious full-fat drive that whistles away through the covers for four.