Hello! I wanted to take a brief pause from blogging to announce something I'm excited about!

As many of you know, after Jinny and I moved to Boston and started a family - we've put our music on hold again. The desire to share our songs with people has never really gone away, but the reality is that the little ones take up a lot of our time and energy. Well - now that our 9 month daughter is sleeping through the night (for the most part), we decided it was time to take a small break from our break. And slowly, we hope that we'll have even more time to start writing new songs! But one step at a time!

If you're in the Boston area, we'd like to invite you to a (rare) live performance at The Lizard Lounge!

Joining us that evening will be NYC based singer-songwriter Sarah Kang, whose music "leaves hearts heavy with a voice that’s reminiscent of Frankie Cosmos’. She has the ability of writing songs that seem simple during casual listening, but then have a lot to offer after doing a little digging”. (The Deli)

Unfortunately we don't do this type of thing often, so think of it as a pop-up, and don't miss out! It would mean the world to us if you joined us for a fun night of original music that we rarely get to share these days!

It’s been 24 hours since I left the theater with my wife, and since then we’ve been absolutely obsessed with all things “Greatest Showman”. We’re looking up videos, downloading the soundtrack, wondering when this thing is going to become a Broadway show. Never have I become a SUPER FAN of something so QUICKLY.

Quick Warning: This post will contain MAJOR SPOILERS! If you haven’t watched this movie, do NOT read this post. But DO watch the movie ASAP. Seriously. Then come back and read this!....

OK - you've been warned! Before I dive into things, a few thoughts/disclaimers:

First - This is not my attempt at reviewing the movie. I’m trying to write about a specific theme I noticed. I will say though, I don’t understand how it got a 55% on rotten tomatoes. Thank you for letting me know I can never trust you again, RT! Well guess what - this is easily one of my favorite movies of all time! So there. If this means I am wrong about the standards by which I’m supposed to critique a movie, I NEVER want to be right! I can probably write for days about everything I loved: the breathtaking performances by the actors, the incredible attention to detail, the mesmerizing choreography - and the songs. Oh my goodness. THE SONGS. Which I now listen to on repeat.

Secondly, kind of related to “not reviewing the movie”, I want to add that I actually know very little about the life of PT Barnum, and at least before writing this piece - I’m doing my best to refrain from reading up on him because 1) from the little i hear, i fear that it will deter me from writing this post 2) i’m focusing on the Barnum that is portrayed specifically in this movie and not from real life. I have mixed feelings about going this route, but my purpose is to focus in on what I saw in the movie. So for all intents and purposes, we’re going to be talking about a “fictional character”.

So with all that said, let’s jump right in.

Among so many of the beautiful and important themes being covered in this film, one thing in particular jumped out at me. Maybe it’s because I’ve been studying the Enneagram a LOT these days, and maybe it’s because it takes one to know one - but my hunch is that PT Barnum (played by Hugh Jackman, who is now my man crush for life) is a fellow THREE, and this movie (again, let’s treat it as 95% fictional) is the redemptive story of someone who is dominant in Type THREE.

I started suspecting this early in the movie, and by the time it became even more apparent I realized I should probably start taking notes - but of course I wanted to enjoy the movie, so I didn’t do that. Then after it was all over, I kept thinking about it and remembered more little clues in retrospect. So, keep in mind that a lot of times I’ll be paraphrasing lines from the movie (but thankfully because the lyrics for the songs are available on the interwebs, I’ll get those references right!)

I should also note that I’m not an EXPERT on the Enneagram, but I am an enthusiast so I hope these observations will do the Enneagram fans some justice.

Here’s the journey of the THREE as I saw it, and I’ll break down each part in detail:

1. CHILDHOOD WOUND

2. THE SPIN

3. SUCCESS & ADMIRATION

4. BETRAYAL

5. FAMILY

6. THE CRITIC

CHILDHOOD WOUNDThe actual childhood wound which confirms/reveals that you are a three is when children are rewarded only for how well they did something. This eventually leads to admiration being a substitute for real love. My guess is that this scenario doesn’t play out well in a movie, so they made things a bit more dramatic. In the scene when Charity and Barnum meet for the first time (when young Phineas makes Charity spit out her tea, making her laugh) - he gets rewarded with a slap (punch?) in the face by Charity’s father for being honest and taking the blame and admitting that he made Charity act “inappropriately”/spitting out her tea. You immediately think that the biggest wound is that he gets hit in the face. While that was certainly a terrible thing to have happened, what struck me even harder is that his own father stood there, watched it happen, and didn’t come to Phineas’ defense. No “Excuse me? Did you just hit my son?!?!”. If the person I’m working for lays a hand on my son, not only is it the last day I’ll be working for that person, but lets just say he’d experience much more than just a few choice words from me. I am not a violent person in general, but it’s just true. Papa Bear is going to emerge in a situation like that. But we didn’t see that happen. PT’s father stood there and watched. He was too afraid to protect his own son, because it would have jeopardized his job and place in society. What is the unspoken message here? Defending and protecting son not as important as keeping connections in his professional world. Perhaps not a typical THREE childhood wound, but I can see a connection. I might summarize as “Sorry son, keeping this job is more important than guarding and cherishing you as my flesh and blood. But I will continue to provide for you”.

THE SPINWhen Barnum has his eureka moment for what would eventually become the “circus”, you can see his wheels spinning. When he thinks about social outcasts, yes, he does see them as people. In fact, as people who hold a special place in his heart. He remembers the person who handed him an apple when he was down and out as a young boy. But true to THREE form, he also sees them as an opportunity. After all, he is hard-wired to achieve, so he’ll see the potential in just about anyone if it suits his plans for success. In the real world, this actually means that THREES might make good managers or recruiters for businesses as they can probably see what roles specific people are naturally suited for and can thrive in. At one point, he asks a heavy set man how much he weighs. When the man sheepishly whispers that he is 500 pounds, Barnum blurts out loud “750 pounds?!?”. He spins the truth to serve “achievement”. It can be used for their advantage! THREES in health will strive to be authentic at all costs, but when unhealthy, can have a tendency to manipulate and exaggerate. Chris Heuertz (Author of The Sacred Enneagram) describes it this way: THREES play a role to get done what needs to be accomplished, and to be accepted. When they come to believe the role they are in, everyone else believes it too.

SUCCESS & ADMIRATIONAll that focus, hard work, attention to detail, and empowering people - it pays off! He gets the right team on the bus, gets a loan from the bank (with a bit more of that spinning) and gets his business off the ground. This is when THREES are in their element! While this is the case - almost immediately after a small taste of the glory - well… watch out for that slippery slope. Success is like a high, like an addiction, and it is extremely short lived. The circus is a hit, but instead of being satisfied and maintaining what works well - another ‘chase’ begins and he sees an opportunity in Jenny Lind to bring his success to another level. It is appropriate that Jenny’s theme song is “Never Enough” (my goodness, THAT VOICE!!! ) — although for slightly different reasons, this is where Barnum and Lind’s issues overlap. As the need for success elevates, the deeper issue of hungering for validation, affirmation, and respect begins to rise to the surface as well. And as mentioned earlier, admiration = love.

“All the shine of a thousand spotlightsAll the stars we steal from the night skyWill never be enough, never be enoughTowers of gold are still too littleThese hands could hold the world but it'llNever be enough, never be enough for me”

The ennegram Institute describes a healthy THREE as “Self-accepting, inner-directed, and authentic, everything they seem to be. Modest and charitable, self-deprecatory humor and a fullness of heart emerge. Gentle and benevolent.” This does not describe where Barnum is at this point , but this is a redemption story, so we’ll get there. :)

BETRAYAL & APPEARANCEEvery great story has what Andy Crouch refers to as the “full catastrophe”. While this doesn’t quite happen until later in the story when the circus burns down, we see the beginning of it start to unfold the moment our “what’s happening here?” radar goes off when Barnum meets Jenny Lind for the first time, and we can’t quite seem to tell if he’s attracted to her or not. He charms her, and wins her over by saying “I’m known to hoodwink people, but for once I want to give people something real (referring to Lind)”. The look in Barnum’s eyes when he sees Lind singing seems to indicate that he is falling for her - but if this is all that you’re getting out of that moment, you will have missed the point. That look in his eyes is extremely complex. He is amazed, just as the audience is. He is moved. Maybe even a little smitten. But later on, Charity is the one who ends up summarizing it best when Barnum tries to defend himself saying he wasn’t in love with her. She agrees, she says he wasn’t in love with her, OR with Charity, but only with himself. *Knife in Heart*

The 2nd betrayal is to his original group of friends, the misfits, his squad, if you will - when he tries to hide them in the audience during the Jenny Lind performance. For the first time he was afraid to be associated with them. The very people who brought him success in the first place. He plays it off and says that the acoustics are better in the standing room. Why? Because he cared more about his appearance and his pursuit of being taken more seriously in the world of entertainment. But I’m kind of glad that happened because that’s when Bearded Lady busts out “This Is Me”, then it’s game over. Tears ensue. I’m kidding about that last part, but the important thing to notice in these two betrayals is how he uses and misuses the gift he has to connect with people. In a relaxed state (or in integration), he is loving to his family and friends and adds so much value to their lives. He's successful, and provides more than enough for his family. In a state of unhealthiness, all he cares about is his reputation. In a THREE, I would argue that this is a wound from earlier on in life that needs to be addressed and healed. When he buys Charity a huge mansion, she insightfully asks if he is doing this just to rub her father’s nose in his success. He doesn’t deny it. To make matters worse, when Charity’s father, Mr. Hallett, shows up at Jenny Lind’s performance, Barnum handles the moment with immaturity, STILL carrying the hurt from his childhood. Hallett comes back with “all this success, and still the son of a tailor”. Hallett is going for the jugular, and attacking Barnum’s self-worth. It only gets worse from here, and eventually into the full catastrophe. Barnum ends up going on tour with Lind to chase acclaim, and abandons the circus when they need him the most. This is not something to be overlooked. Yet again, as a THREE, he doesn’t even realize his value and worth - even in a community that loved him and was thankful to him for everything he’s done for them. He needs to keep filling the bottomless void with more accomplishments, and if you’ve watched the film - you’ll see that it ends in a devastating way for him because of the way he blurs the line between personal and business in his relationship with Lind. The pattern you might notice in an unhealthy THREE is his carelessness or thoughtlessness in his relationships which usually results from his need to get a job done or to preserve self-image. The bridge builder becomes the bridge burner.

FAMILYIn the aftermath of the full catastrophe, where he loses everything - you see Barnum sitting alone in a bar, grieving, completely enveloped in hopelessness. Then enters grace. He might not fully deserve it, but his band of misfits join him at the bar in an effort to show support and cheer him up. Instead of kicking him while he’s down, they have compassion for him, being fully aware that Barnum has messed up royally. Barnum is remorseful and moved by the loyalty of his friends, and this is where the redemption begins. From here on end, the lyrics for “From Now On” perfectly capture his realization of where things went wrong, but also what he wants to do about things going forward:

“I drank champagne with kings and queensThe politicians praised my name But those are someone else’s dreams The pitfalls of the man I becameFor years and years I chased their cheersThe crazy speed of always needing more But when I stop and see you hereI remember who all this was for.From now on these eyes will not be blinded by the lights…”

The people who suffered the most were actually the people who loved him the most. At the end of the movie, Barnum “passes on the baton” of the circus to Carlyle - but this time for, for the most important reason - his family. In the last scene before the credits, Barnum is sitting in the audience with his wife Charity at their daughters’ ballet performance (which is something that Barnum missed while being away on tour), and the last words being sung in the movie are the ones he started out with:

At this point, I’m sitting next to my wife in the theater - sobbing - because of the ironically striking resemblance this moment had to the season of life I’d been experiencing as of late. We watched this movie on a rare date-day where we hired a sitter to watch both of our kids. It had been such a long time since I’d connected with my wife in this way, and I’d forgotten just how much I really enjoyed alone time with her. Zooming out, the last few years have been a complete setting aside of our own dreams and aspirations after having two kids of our own. Our lives revolve entirely around these little nuggets, and while it’s among some of the toughest seasons we’ve experienced, it’s also been the most rewarding.

At the end of the day, a healthy THREE is self-assured, energetic, and competent with high self-esteem (E institute), and I would even add that being heart-forward people, we just want to belong. We want to feel loved, accepted for who we are, and feel that we don’t have to “turn it on” or be on the “silver screen” (Sleeping At Last) adjusting to the environment around us.

What my family has taught me over the years is just that. My wife actually couldn’t care less about my ‘talents’ and ‘success’. She might appreciate it, and from time to time offer an encouraging word about some of my skills/abilities - but what she loves the most is when I’m around, and I’m connecting with her and our kids who also happen not to care too much about all the things I’m able to “get done”.

Often times when people used to ask me “hey, you used to do music, right?”, it would cut so deep - and little did I know what was really happening. The very thing I tied my identity and worth to was gone, and therefore - I no longer mattered. I no longer had value as a person.

In the same way my family helped me find love and healing from this mindset, Barnum was also beginning his journey of healing and repair from years and years of chasing after success and admiration - when in reality, he had it right in front of his eyes all along. Everything he’d ever want, and everything he’d ever need.

“I never wanted anything more than the man I fell in love with” - Charity Barnum

THE CRITICAnd finally, the critic. I write about this last, because only thinking about the movie in hindsight did I notice the role that he (James Gordon Bennett) played. Barnum has an interesting relationship with him. He’s not really an enemy, but not quite a friend. It almost feels as though he’s lurking in the background, and is always present - especially during all of the significant moments. Barnum notices when he’s there, but especially when he’s not. During Lind’s performance of “Never Enough”, the first time he looks out into the audience, it is to check that Bennett is there, to see if he is enjoying it. His approval matters a lot. Of all the enneagram types, THREEs are the ones that need affirmation the most. But Bennett’s role as a critic is unique in that he doesn’t seem to put much focus on the show (the mask, so to speak). He’s mostly interested in Barnum’s motives. At one point he calls him out as a fraud, but in another moment also helps him to recognize that as long as he is genuine, that what he’s doing can be a great thing. Perhaps he is Barnum’s conscience personified - and that is why Barnum needs him in his life. He judges his character and not his works and acts as a mirror, or an amplified inner voice for thoughts that might be buried deep within. The critic is there to help him be more in touch with himself and operate out of authenticity.

-

Wow, that was a lot to read through and I hope that if you’re an Enneagram Type 3, this post has been meaningful and insightful to you if you are able to relate! As I mentioned in the past, I feel a bit exposed and vulnerable in analyzing Barnum’s character in this way, because in so doing, it feels like I am revealing a lot about myself. On the spectrum of healthy to unhealthy (true self/ false self, resourceful/less resourceful), I feel that I’m usually somewhere in the middle, and that on a bad day I can dip down into unhealthy, and in other seasons thrive in healthiness.

Whether it’s identifying w/ a movie character like this, or hearing a song like THREE by “Sleeping At Last”, it always feels good be understood and to know that I’m not alone. I find encouragement knowing that I truly want to be the healthiest version of my type - it is what I aspire to be.

With that, fellow THREEs, I’m gonna wrap up by saying something I’ve often said to myself from time to time because I needed the reminder: You are loved for who you are, and not merely because of what you can do.

THREE just came out, and I knew that I would have to give myself some time to listen carefully - uninterrupted. So I did. Wow, this EPISODE struck me in a different way from the last two - especially since I AM a Three. Some of my friends have taken free tests, and I'm not sure how accurate their results were. For example, a friend told me he was a 5, but I had a sneaking suspicion that he was not. I asked him to pay $10, and take THIS TEST , and I'm glad he did because he ended up testing as a different number (which is the number I thought he was - hehe). The key to taking this test is to be brutally honest and make our best effort in being self aware, and not just select answers that describe the person you WANT to be.

I'm fairly confident that I when I took this test a while ago, the results were accurate, and I am definitely a 3. Here's why: To be quite honest, after listening to this episode - I feel emotionally exhausted! It feels like I came out of a free therapy session. I've come to the conclusion that if you admire the healthy version of your number and cringe a little bit when hearing about the unhealthy version (I've also heard it described as "true self vs false self" - which I like better), then that is most likely your number.

I already feel incredibly vulnerable letting it be known that I'm a Three, but I'll just say that if you listen to this podcast - Chris Heuertz (who contributes his super insightful thoughts for each Enneagram/SAL episode) is spot on in his description about those who are dominant in type Three. You will know my inner thoughts if you listen to his assessment of us Threes. Everything from my tendency to want to "lead from behind" to needing constant affirmation (*cringe*) - I felt so exposed. The flip side of this though is that I felt incredibly understood. There were several moments I may or may not have shed a tear hearing Heuertiz describe why as aThree, I might often feel so misunderstood. I now understand why I gravitate towards the phrase "adding value" - especially into someone else's life.

As for Sleeping At Last, Ryan O'Neal has done it again. I really was tracking with all of his musical decisions (even the ones he decided against). It was truly a profound choice to keep the song intimate and simple vs. epic and produced to the max. I don't know how he does it song after song, but it is yet another BEAUTIFUL piece that is incredibly well written, and performed masterfully. A part of me doesn't want to elaborate too much here because I want you to experience it for yourself. I HIGHLY recommend you listening to the episode and song in its entirety - especially if you're a type Three (or have loved ones in your life that are 3s).

Once again, I'm deeply moved and grateful for this thoughtful and important project (so much that I wrote about it twice). It is good to be understood, and to be seen. Can't wait for the rest of the numbers!

When KOOLIKEDAT got started not too long ago, I mentioned in Intro Part 2 that there were a few specific people who inspired me to start this blog. The first person was Derek Sivers, and as I promised in that entery, I wrote about him. Up next is the 2nd person (2 out of 3) that inspired this blog: Jeff Sheldon. If that name does not ring a bell, here's a name you will definitely not forget after hearing it: Ugmonk. No one knows what it means (nor will they ever know, since the meaning is a secret), but it is the name of Jeff's brand/line of products - which all started off as a t-shirt company that focused on typeface and minimalist design.

Years ago, I took a few people on our creative arts team (at the church I used to work at) to an arts conference called ECHO. I went to so many seminars and workshops and was introduced to a countless number of artists/creatives/thought leaders I still follow and admire today (Scott Belsky, Jon Acuff and so many more). But the one that left the biggest impression on me was this guy named Jeff, who talked about simple little shirts he designed. After hearing him talk about his journey and how he runs his business, I instantly became a fan.

In fact, I loved his products so much that I offered to do a free photo shoot for him - and a few of the photos ended up on Jeff's old blog! Above are some images from the shoot, many years ago :)

If you spend some time on Ugmonk's site and read more about Jeff, you'll probably (at the very least) appreciate the wonderful shirts and products he's created over the years. I've never seen minimalism show up in design that is wearable that is THIS beautiful. Honestly. Many try to do it, but miss the mark. After his T-shirts took off, he started adding more and more products - many of which were limited runs, and were incredibly specific - such as a large AMPERSAND for home decor. Whether it's a sweater, a hat, a wallet, or a chemex collar - everything he makes is just ridiculously beautiful. And like MANY people I admire, Jeff does what he wants. He simply MAKES what he likes. If he is passionate about it, it will somehow get made. Done deal.

I would describe Jeff as an artist's artist. If you follow him on instagram, you'll notice that from time to time, he'll post photos of his work station - which in and of itself is a work of art. I might add that my own latest desk purchase for my home office may or may not have been influenced by his setup.

And this leads me to my absolute favorite thing about Jeff, and WHY he's one of the key people that influenced this blog: Other than the meaning of Ugmonk, Jeff keeps no secrets when it comes to what he loves.

I am on Jeff/Ugmonk's email list, and every month he sends out a little email entitled "5 things I'm digging". In the body of the email, he simply writes a sentence or two about 5 things that he really enjoys/appreciates. At times it can be about a baby carrier, another time it can be about speakers that are on his desk. Sometimes it's food, music, or watches. You name it. If he's diggin' it, he'll tell you about instead of keeping it all to himself. Here's his LATEST.

In many ways, this blog is kind of like that. I write about the things I am a super fan of. I want to share about things that benefit my life, and hopefully would benefit yours too. And this time, Jeff/Ugmonk, you are on MY list of things/people I DIG!

Most people reading this blog know that I'm from the Boston area, and even though it's only a 3.5hr drive away from where I grew up in New York, it almost feels like I'm in a foreign country at times. Maybe not that extreme, but it's different enough from what I'm used to that when I first moved here, I often felt out of place. But now that it's been 4 years, I feel myself changing, and adapting to the new climate I'm in.

And speaking of climate, there are two things Boston is known for: Academia, and Boston Winters. Once in a while, I'd see a person walking around in shorts in the middle of winter, and I'd think that they were either crazy, have something to prove, or from Alaska. But having just come out of a week straight of never going above 10/15° , 35°feels like Spring, and I get it. I get the shorts in the winter thing now.

I remember one day when I met up with my friend who I'm often accidentally TWINNING with. It is literally like we call each other to coordinate outfits. But that one cold winter morning we met up for coffee, I saw him from across the street and we were NOT twinning. I was wearing a jacket, and he was frolicking around in a button down shirt. Thought to myself, "ahhh, he's one of those - of course. He's from Maine!".

But as we sat down, I noticed the INSIDE of his shirt, and it had fleece lining. (like the photo above! And yes, that is snoopy on my t-shirt ) I know, this isn't a remarkable story or observation by any means, but for me, you probably know or will find soon enough that I'm ALL about the details. The reason why I took notice was because it actually just looked like a shirt when I wasn't paying attention to it. Only when I looked carefully did I see the fleece and that it was actually a shirt-jacket. I love shirt-jackets and own a few already and wear them all the time, but this time I was tricked! It actually leaned more "shirt" than jacket and so I inquired, and asked where it was from. "LL Bean" he says. Less than 24 hours later I looked into it, and found what would become my absolute favorite article of winter clothing. (I'm wearing it right now as I type!)

Though they're known mostly for their Bean Boots (another NorthEast essential), this shirt is a close 2nd for LL Bean. Let me tell ya why I'm a fan. I now see why this shirt can rival a jacket on a mild winter day. Warm enough by itself for 40s and above (maybe even 35° if you're from here!), but the perfect layer underneath a down winter jacket when it's below 10° out. I wore a t-shirt, the Bean shirt, and my jacket to go out and shovel and I felt invincible. I don't like wearing tons of layers, so that's an ideal situation for me. When I'm inside the house, and it's kind of drafty and I want to save a bit on my heat bill, I'll toss it on over a t-shirt and I'll tell ya - it's the perfect kind of cozy. My daughter loves to rub her face all over it. Love her. But I digress! It has some bulk to it because of the fleece, but it's form fitting enough for me to not even notice it might be a shirt-jacket. And it being a shirt-jacket, pockets on the sides. Yes. Form AND Function! I don't feel compelled to write like this about an article of clothes that often, but this is it. My winter fave.

We had a little break for a few days, and this morning, it was 59°! But it looks like the temperature will be dropping again soon, so go get yourself a nice effective shirt like this one, and stay warm!

If you haven’t read Pivot: Part 1 yet, give that a little readerooskie before continuing with this!

While “The Pivot” by Andrew Osenga is great in an anecdotal way, with tons of thoughts and stories that artists/creatives can relate with - I wanted to shift gears and talk about someone else I’ve grown to have a lot of respect for as of late, who talks often and TEACHES about pivoting well.

But a quick side-note.

Do you have any friends that are secret celebrities? I mean it isn’t a secret if you find out I guess, but did you ever discover that one of your friends is secretly famous? I’ve had a few people like that in my life. Like one friend, who used to do mastering for albums that I produced - we didn’t really see each other outside of those times and we weren’t friends on instagram, but when we met up for coffee once, we started talking about the gram, and he said “we should go out and shoot some photos sometime” - I gave him a quick follow - and he turned out to have thousands and thousands of followers - and I’m thinking… WHO IS THIS GUY??

Or another guy who was kind enough to contribute music to a project I worked on a while ago, and also performed at a few concerts with me - and it turns out he’s a HUGE CELEBRITY IN JAPAN! Again, WHO IS THIS GUY?!

It’s like the complete opposite experience from this one time when I was in a guitar shop in NYC, and I accidentally made eye contact with a guy who was noodling around on the guitar, and when we made brief eye contact - he proceeds to tell me “If you’re wondering why I look familiar, it’s cuz I’m an actor, and I’ve been in such and such movies”. Dude. It’s just way cooler if I figure it out in my own time!

Well - let me get back to the person I REALLY want to talk about today. I have discovered yet another friend that’s kind of like this who’s been hidden in plain sight from me mostly because I didn’t look super carefully at what he does for a living, and he’s been adding tons of value to my life! I'm not saying he's a celebrity, but there's this whole other side of his life I never knew about! Earlier on when we met, he was more my wife’s friend who went to the same church as she did when they were younger. We’d see each other at weddings and other random gatherings. One time when we both lived in Jersey, we met up to talk about being worship directors because that was what we were both doing at the time (if you’re unfamiliar w/ what a worship director is, it’s the person who leads the church in singing every Sunday). I knew that he worked for a church up in CT, and that at some point when he stopped working for the church, he started doing marketing - and I’m even on his email list for a blog he started many years ago. But to be honest, I never really read too much of what he sent out carefully because the information at the time didn’t seem relevant to what I was doing in life. (although I have to say, the few entries I DID read were super helpful and interesting) But recently as I wondered what it would be like to start my own business, the first person who came to mind was this friend, and his name is Mike Kim.

I read one entry on his website, and was immediately hooked. I also discovered he had a podcast that he started in 2014 called “The Brand You Podcast with Mike Kim”, and all of a sudden I’m finding myself in the car, or sometimes even in bed before I go to sleep, racing to listen to all 137 episodes he’s recorded (and I do it in 1.5 speed so I can be caught up ASAP and not wonder what nuggets of wisdom I’m missing out on by not listening to his current material).

So as it turns out Mike is kind of a big deal, a brilliant mastermind of an entrepreneur, and not just Jinny’s friend. I’m talking about a guy who took “offering a few marketing ideas” to people/businesses and turned that into a quarter of a million dollar business - and then most recently helped author Donald Millerwrite a book. Yeah, NBD.

That’s a fairly long introduction to get to my main point, but if you haven’t noticed already - I can talk for days about people I’m a big fan of - and in an unexpected way, that’s exactly what has happened over the course of the last month - I became a fanboy with new-found respect and admiration for all that Mike has been doing with building his business over the years!

So yes. PIVOTING. In Mike’s podcast Mike talks about Pivoting at length, and actually plays more of a COACH role and walks you through the correct steps you should take if you plan on pivoting into a different career or if you want to start your own business. Episodes 32-36 are specifically about PIVOTING, and he talks about it later again in Episode 70 (and I think yet again later on, but I’m just not caught up yet :))

I think he even taught some courses on this a while back but I didn’t know about them then, and I missed out :(

But there’s way more to his podcast than Pivoting. All throughout the podcast, you’ll just hear sound-bite after sound-bite of great principles and practices, and he even sprinkles in some great life advice in general here and there - and all of it gets delivered with super clear communication & humor. I wondered how Mike was so well spoken, so I asked him if he scripted everything in advance. He doesn’t. He’s just that good at what he does. I guess that’s just what happens when a copywriter speaks! (Yup, he does that too)

(Brand You) is geared towards people who have small businesses (like I do with Photography, or did with music in the past) and are wanting to learn how to brand/market themselves better. So if you’re in that category, I highly highly highly recommend you check out his podcast. And in 1.5 speed if you wanna get caught up quicker :) Go subscribe to his podcast AND his email list for content you wouldn’t see anywhere else. If you need help with your branding, and you’re in the middle of a pivot - that’s probably the best advice about getting advice that I can give you today. :)

Before I go, let’s say that word together one last time, channeling our inner Ross. PIVOT!

There’s a phrase my 2 year old son knows well now because I say it to him all the time. “Keep going”. When he gets stuck climbing something, when he is about to give up learning something in some activity we’re in the middle of, we say “keep going”. But how about me? How about dad? Is he being a role model for that?

#REALTALK - I’m less than a few months into starting this blog, and I already feel myself slipping. 1 week away from Koo likin’ anything, cuz work is too busy. Another cuz it was Thanksgiving. And now, it’s been weeks since I’ve posted. I know this is a self-imposed goal to write every week, and I'm not letting anyone down by not writing - but I sit there from time to time and start entertaining the idea that I probably should let this thing fade away, like every other blog I’ve attempted writing in the past.

This feeling is unfortunately all too familiar, and I have SO many reasons why… again. And this feels a bit like a PART 2 to the entry I wrote about “perfectionism” - but I’m finding that there’s more to it this time around. But I digress. Here are some of the reasons:

No one is reading. No one cares about your thoughts or what you’re a super fan of. You can just have a private journal, and it would be more real anyway. (And I don't mean this in a pity party kind of way - just practically speaking)

This isn’t your strong suit. Do something you're good at. Music? Maybe a Podcast if you can write and edit? But.... it takes too much time.. that I don't have!

Speaking of time - why are you wasting your time with this? Why don’t you do something that makes money, or helps save up for your kids' education?

The list of reasons go on. And you know what? They all seem to make some kind of sense, right? I mean, I’m 40! I don’t have time to waste. But today, I started reading this book “The Compound Effect”, by Darren Hardy, and I had one of those moments where I had a flash back of a bunch of one-liners from all of the self-improvement books I’ve ever read, or TED Talks and Podcasts I’ve listened to. Like a movie scene. And they all played in my head, panned left to right, coming in at all different volumes. Some with reverb, some really dry and up front. (Ha! Can you tell I spent some time with ProTools?) Kind of like this... “You need to be consistent”, “CONSISTENT”, “consistent…” “Grit” “Different kind of genius” “daily” “time management” “practice” “PRACTICE” “everyday” “every morning” ”morning pages” “no excuses” ...... and then there's this escalating sound that comes to a halt, and then the most prominent word, "Consistent".

You get the idea.

All of a sudden I saw my whole life through the lens of this deficiency of NOT being consistent. And then I replayed in my mind this moment of a conversation with a guy I met years ago. I forgot his name, what he looked like even. But he’s a friend of a friend. I don’t know how we got to this one part of the conversation in the first place, but he pulled out his phone, looked at my instagram feed, and said “Man, good stuff dude. It’s weird to me you don’t have as many followers. Yeah.. you should have way more followers”.

Here’s the thing. I’m not going to pretend I don't care at all about that stuff. I'm gonna pull back the curtains a little for you. To be painfully honest - I DO care about the number of followers I have. BUT.... Not necessarily in the way you might think. It’s not the numbers per sé. It’s more about the QUALITY of the numbers. (Laughing to myself at how dumb that sounds, but let me explain). Having a good following (or let's call it having a TRIBE) signifies something a bit deeper for me at the age of 40. It means that I’m trusted, respected, safe, liked, and, influential. It means that one day if I ever want to do something great with my life, I have that many people I can invite on the journey with me.

In this day and age, you can just about do anything for attention in the social media world to achieve the goal of having many followers or having some kind of viral video/content. But I truly don’t care about the "numbers" in that sense. I’ll give you an example. Every time I post a photo of well known friends of mine, my number of followers go up that day. Then, as I continue posting more of my regular day to day stuff - those new followers start dropping like flies, and I chuckle to myself every time it happens, and say “Sorry to disappoint you, I am not a fan page of so and so … it’s just me here again”.

This is precisely what I mean about not caring about the number. I DON'T in that situation, and that is very much the reason why I just post whatever I want most of the times. I think to myself, well - if people stick around after I just post actual moments from my life, they’re there cuz they like me, or my photos, or my perspective. This sounds like a ridiculous thing to admit - but I used to obsess over the way my instagram “gallery” appeared. All the photos had to match each other in style. And then one day I just posted something that broke the “theme”, and I said “Oh well! If they like me, they’ll stick around". And it’s so weird as I type this all out, it’s kind of like I have abandonment issues but with social media. “Oh yeah? I’m just gonna go ahead and act out now and try to push you away!” *Keeps one eye opened and scans the room to see if anyone’s left* Social media is a weird thing. I'm weird too.

But herein lies the problem, and ties back into why I’m writing today. It’s one thing to not be consistent in my content, but it’s a whole other thing to not be consistent in practicing a craft I'm trying to develop.

I’ll be honest and say that for a few weeks, I lost a little bit of passion (already) for writing about things I’m a fan of. But now let me get honest one layer deeper. I actually didn’t lose passion for writing about things I’m a fan of. In fact, I just started getting scared to share about things that people won’t resonate with, or afraid of being late to the game and have a reader say "Thanks, captain obvious - we all know this". Another layer deeper? I’m afraid I’m still not finding my style, not sounding knowledgeable enough or entertaining enough. And then you add that with busyness and having 2 two kids. Radio silence.

Well, NOT TODAY.

I have a BIG LIST of people/things/ideas I want to write about, but what I really felt like sharing today was THIS. About my struggle to stay consistent. And if writing about why I am struggling with staying consistent helps me to stay consistent, then I will do just that.

More real talk: I want to deliver great projects again in the future (hopefully music as well). I want to be successful at everything I do. I want my work to connect with people. I want to be healthy. I want to be SAFE. But if I cannot stay consistent with anything because I spend all of that time in my head and get stuck in analysis and fear, OR get discouraged w/ my failures for too long - there’s a good chance that will turn into laziness and shame - and get further away from hitting ANY of those wonderful goals I've listed up there.

So... here’s to making an attempt at being faithful and consistent with the little things. Here's to puttin' up my dukes and fighting self-hate and perfection..... again.

This. This. This.SLEEPING AT LASTYears ago, I was in the passenger seat of my friend Jason's car, and we were driving around in LA. He turns on music by this artist "Sleeping At Last". I tell him I've never heard of them. He tells me that when I listen to his songs, I'm gonna cry.

First of all, whenever someone hypes something up like that, even if I want to be impacted by it, I already start building up a wall and brace myself to be disappointed. He turns on the album "Yearbook". We sit quietly in the car in LA traffic, listening. And there I am, a few minutes into one of the songs, and I'm in tears. I immediately laugh in disbelief and say "HOW DID THAT HAPPEN"? 😭😭😭

ENNEAGRAMFast forward to a few months ago when I was introduced (for the 2nd time) to the Enneagram. Years ago, our friends in NY tried to turn my wife and I onto this personality test - and I immediately gave up trying to understand it. Probably because an example of the worst version of my enneagram type was OJ Simpson, and for Jinny, it was Woody Allen. I didn't want to know anymore. 😂

But this 2nd time around, it stuck (thanks to Doug and Adele Calhoun - who I also happen to work with!). In fact, I became OBSESSED about learning everything I can about it - because unlike other personality tests that merely assess you as you are and leave it at that, the Enneagram can show you specifically what steps you can take to become a BETTER version of your true self. Let me unpack that a little. There are a total of 9 Enneagram types, and out of the 9, everyone has a predominant type (and some would argue that we are born with this dominant type). I can either be a "healthy" version of that number, or "unhealthy" version (and there's middle of the road too). It depends on the state or season that I'm in, but the fact that I'm that number really doesn't change. If you take a good test, it tells you what you can do to become a healthier version. I don't know if that makes sense, but I'm really BLAZING through this because I don't want to really EXPLAIN the ENNEAGRAM here, I want to talk about what I'm excited to tell you about! (But if you want to learn more about the Enneagram, THIS IS A GOOD PLACE TO START)

NOW, PUT THOSE TWO TOGETHERLate this summer, I found out that "Sleeping At Last" is going to start a new project where he's going to write songs from the perspective of each enneagram type! I already knew I was going to love it, and I couldn't wait! And finally, last month there it was in my inbox, an email from Sleeping At Last, with a link to the new song: ONE.

It's as beautiful as I expected it to be.

This is just so many of my favorite things coming together! Simply gorgeous music with rich insightful lyrics, diving deep into each personality type. And it gets better. I just realized there is a podcast that Ryan O'Neal (of Sleeping At Last) started just a few months ago where he explains his process of writing songs, and in episode 4, he dissects ONE for us. He starts going into all the reasons why specific musical choices were made, and how they help personify a Type 1 in musical form, and I'll tell ya... Mind. Blown. Seriously, the enneagram lover, the producer & the musician in me is just GEEKING OUT every single minute of this podcast (honestly, if I was still doing music - I would just give up after listening to this because it's literally everything I wish I would have done if I was genius enough to even think about doing it!), and I can't really do it justice by regurgitating everything Ryan talks about, so if you are any of the following (Enneagram lover, a Type 1, someone who cares about Type 1s, a music lover, a musician with studio experience, or producer) - trust me, and listen to this episode. It is chock-full of good stuff:

But what I love the most, and what really brings it all together is how he describes what the Enneagram is to him. He called it "A Tool For Compassion". YES! I resonate so much with that description. I remember when I first began understanding how the Enneagram worked, not only did I obsess over learning more about myself, I started reading up on EVERY type. Then I started running through the Enneagram types of all the important people in my life, and if I happened to know their number - things began to click. If I didn't, I tried to take a guess at what numbers my friends/loved ones were (and a decent amount of times, I was right 😁). I started having empathy for those people as I began to understand better how they were wired. Then I started to wonder what my 2 year old son's enneagram type might be, and how I might be able to equip him for success to be the healthiest version of that type!

I want to be healthy. I want to connect with those I love. At the core, this is why I'm a huge fan of The Enneagram. And now, thanks to Sleeping At Last, we can all literally have a "soundtrack of our lives".

EDIT (11/17/17) - QUICK NOTE TO THOSE WONDERING WHERE THEY CAN HEAR THE SONGS:The Enneagram songs are part of a series called ATLAS 2. You can find the songs on iTunes and on, SPOTIFY (they are the latest songs in the Playlist) BUT what I really suggest is that you listen to his podcast where he explains the song AND you can hear the song there as well (or if you're already a SAL fan or JUST became a fan - SUBSCRIBE to his mailing list and you'll get all the goodness before it's public!)

PS - Without cheating, since I have the info in my "About Section", if you know me, and know the enneagram - what would you guess my number to be? :)

I apologize, that title up there was meant to grab your attention (wow, was that my first clickbait?!), but I'm not going to talk about email etiquette so you can opt out now if you don't want to read anymore... OR.... stay and read about a podcast I am a huge fanboy of! Yeah... this entry is about how I ALWAYS listen to REPLY ALL, so you know... legit title, right? :)

One of these days, I'll post about my favorite podcasts that I subscribe to, but today is a short and sweet *mwah mwah* (those are like kissing sounds that are sometimes used to make fun of people who kiss up to people in case that didn't come across!) to one of my TOP 5 Podcasts: REPLY ALL.

At first, I was going to highlight only ONE of my favorite episodes, which I will, but first I'm gonna riff a bit on why I am addicted to listening to these two fine gentlemen: Alex Goldman & PJ Vogt.

First, I've been really out of the loop, so I didn't even know that Podcast Journalism was a thing, and I haven't really listened to many forms of that except for "Serial", which is also great - but this is podcast journalism at its best (not that I have any real qualifications to say that, but there I said it!) These guys cover a LOT of ground, and their show basically covers all things interesting that are happening on the internet, so there's a little bit of everything for everyone - and you'll also learn a thing or two here and there!

Second, Alex & PJ are just a killer combo. The first thing you'll notice w/in the first 5 minutes is their LAUGHS. Especially PJ's. It is infectious and sometimes even influences the way I laugh (and I'm not even trying to be influenced!). But these two are not only sharp, but super likeable in their own ways, and complement each other well in their personalities, and have a way about relating to each other (while delivering amazing content) that makes you want to be sitting in the room with them. It's impossible to imagine NOT having a good conversation with them at any given time.

Here are a few of my favorites in no particular order:

1. LONG DISTANCEWhen you receive a phone call w/ an unidentified number, but decide to pick up anyway and realize that yet again it is an unwanted marketing call OR there's a chance someone is trying to scam you - most people just hang up the phone. But not Alex Goldman. No spoilers, but he not only stays on the phone with the person, but ends up going out of his way to learn more and expose the people on the other end. This is a two part episode and it is RIVETING!

3. FACEBOOK SPYING ON YOUSo many of us have a huge love & hate relationship with social media, but THIS episode brings the feeling of uneasiness to a new level, and makes it a little too close to home - like actually inside your home. And yet, I can't seem to delete my account, so what does that say about me?! But this episode is the most recent, and the one I really came here to talk about today - but I'm too big of a REPLY ALL fanatic to NOT give you a bit more to chew on!

Pivot. I’ve been thinking a lot about this word these days. I love this word for several reasons, especially during this particular season of my life. But before I get into it, if you haven’t ever seen the Friends episode with Pivot, check out the video below. You’re welcome.

For me, this goes down in history as one of the best TV sitcom moments ever. I watched this again last night to relive the Pivot hilarity, and I just lost it. My wife too, who almost never laughs at anything I show her on the internet or in pop culture that I find funny. Even she laughed! Literally, every time I think about the word “Pivot”, this is what comes to mind first!

But the second and more important thing that comes to mind is how we use this word in the context of careers or big life changes. What I like about this word even better than “transition” or “shift” is that it lends itself to the idea that ultimately, I stay rooted in who I am and I just merely turn and face a slightly different direction. All my experiences in life and skills I’ve accrued along the way - I still have them and get to use them, but maybe for a different group of people… or the SAME people but in a different way.

MY PIVOTY JOURNEYI experienced a major Pivot when I went from being a full time singer/songwriter/musician to becoming a Worship Director/Pastor. After almost 10 years of ‘facing this direction’, I see on the horizon some sort of pivot happening again. I don’t know what it is, or what it will look like - but I see it coming eventually and so I’ve been taking this time to hit the brakes, pull over to the side from my “get it done” lifestyle, and truly examine myself, my personality, my skillset, and all that I’ve been through in the last two decades of my life. When I found myself in this headspace, which has been pretty often these days, the first thing I wanted to do was to be able to glean some wisdom from people who have already successfully pivoted, or listen to stories of people who are experiencing it currently. As it turns out, I knew a few people.

And here’s where I’ll ‘pivot’ in this entry to embrace my fanboyness to share about two people I’m a big fan of. (I'll cover the 2nd person in Part 2)

ANDREW OSENGA: THE PIVOTI’ll begin with Andrew Osenga. I actually have to try REALLY hard right now to NOT lose focus and not go on and on about Andrew Osenga’s music career, his angelic voice that can turn on a dime and go full out rockstar with no autotune needed, the fact that he played guitar and sang on two of my albums (While We Wait & Parallel), and how I obsessed for a really long time over one of his albums he recorded in a SPACESHIP he created by himself. Again, I’m trying really hard NOT to go into all of that right now. Instead, I’m gonna talk about something ELSE he did on TOP of all that - a podcast he created, called THE PIVOT.

In season 1 of his podcast, he talks to several people (9 to be exact) who have experienced pivots in their lives (both in careers and life in general), and a huge bonus for me is that he actually interviews 4 people I’ve been a huge fan of in different seasons of my life (Andrew Peterson, Bebo Norman, Dan Haseltine of Jars of Clay, and Dave Barnes). My favorite by far is his episode with Dave Barnes (another artist I can go on and on about). It’s incredibly comforting listening to people I can truly relate with. Seriously. There aren’t a lot of people around where I live that I’m currently friends with that I can talk to and say “remember that time we were struggling to be singer songwriters, and then life happened, and we had to adjust accordingly”?

I also need to add: Osenga knows how to interview people! He is SO good! It's a skill that not too many podcast hosts have. It doesn't hurt that he's got a really soothing voice, but tie that in with the fact that Osenga knows when to be quiet, when to jump in and help the person out to complete or summarize their thoughts, and when to inject some humor, and... when to cry :) One pet peeve I have is when the interviewers (in trying to relate) starts talking about themselves and makes it all about THEM and not the subject. Even that, he does well. He'll tell a quick little story. In. Out. Boom. Done.

But back to my point - even if you’re not a singer/songwriter, it’s a great listen. Favorite interview goes to Dave Barnes. As expected, really funny - but also moving and convicting at times (especially his take on being a parent and being a musician #realtalk). The podcast in general is a great sneak peak into the lives of indie musicians who ended up having great success in their careers.

Almost 2 weeks ago, I turned... erm... the new 30! I'm not gonna lie, I was a complete wreck emotionally. Despite it being the new 30, it is not easy to turn that age! All joking aside, when I actually turned 30, ten years ago - it felt monumental in a specific way. It made me look ahead and think about what I can do before I get too old. Now, it feels a bit more like "What have I done so far?". I can only imagine at "the new 40", it'll be something like "No seriously, what have i done so far?". If you turned 50 recently, please comment and let me know what thoughts ran through your mind.

Well, I had tons of thoughts on my actual birthday - and I won't get into them here. But as I'd mentioned, the primary thought was "what have I done so far.... in life". And this is the very question that propelled this blog into existence.

It all started with a goal I shared with my friends a few months ago in the summer. My first step was to write the two INTRO entries to this blog. It was exciting because they were hiding in plain "site" (sorry, had to :)) because nobody knew about it. After writing those entries, I told them that by the time I turn 40, I wanted to have written 40 blog entries. I wish someone told me I was crazy, cuz after 2 days of announcing that goal to my friends, I was the one who told me I was crazy. It wasn't that it was too much work. I guess I can easily pump out short paragraphs about things I like, but therein lied the problem. If I really liked something or someone... if I was a SUPER FAN, I wasn't going to settle for a quick little paragraph. I was going to put some TLC into it. I then realized that writing ONE entry a week should be the real goal. And even that can be challenging, having 2 kids + a full time job (and a half).

So, I started doing that. But then I ran into my long time archenemy: PERFECTIONISM

I even wrote in my 2nd entry that I just want to write for the sake of practicing my writing and take time to find my voice. Yet, with every entry I wrote - I would find myself keeping it in draft mode, making tweaks here and there. Save. Repeat. Save. Repeat. And to be honest I kind of wanted to keep it all in draft mode.

But tonight, I'm hitting "publish". On all of the entries I've written so far. I don't have too many yet, but I have a list of over 40 topics/ideas/people I want to write about. And as I keep my eyes open, and pay close attention to what I appreciate in life, I'm sure that list will grow.

If you follow me on twitter or instagram (both are @koochung) I'll be sure to post whenever I have a new entry. If the subject interests you, come on by for a quick read! And if you're a fellow fan of what I'm writing about and have more to add - comment away!

Who's got time to read? Cuz I can already tell this is gonna be a long one. But the person I'm about to talk about is w/o a doubt on my top 5 list of most influential people in my life and someone I've been a super-fan of for a really long time. So this is the opposite of 'ain't nobody got time for that'. Imma take my time w/ Andrew Peterson, and there's no TLDR version :)

Ever hear that saying "We should never meet our heroes"? If you haven't, and you're wondering why that saying exists, it's probably because many people who actually GET to meet their heroes end up being disappointed - and it could be for one of many reasons. Your hero can be a jerk, completely boring, fake, etc. Andrew Peterson, however, might just be that ONE hero I met that not only exceeded my expectations during our first encounter, but remained one of my favorite people on earth - till this day. What qualifies me to say that? I actually ended up spending a decent amount of time with him. As I begin to collect my thoughts for this entry, and I think about how kind he has been to me over the years, I have to admit I am welling up a little bit! Good thing I'm sitting in the corner of a cafe, facing away from everyone :)

For those who are new to Andrew Peterson, I honestly can't find the best entry point for you to discover his wealth of amazing works. Just too much stuff! (but here's a quick list if you've got some time) He's mostly known for his singer/songwriter career, but more recently (well, not THAT recently) he's become an author and also started THE RABBIT ROOM - which is a "website and community that fosters spiritual formation and Christ-centered community through story, art, and music. They host a yearly conference, publish books, and put on concerts".

But I'm not here to talk so much about his works today. I'm here to talk about Andrew, the person. And I hope after reading about him, you'll check out his work too!

FAN BOY STRIKES AGAINI met Andrew in Cambridge (might have been Harvard) when he was opening up for Caedmon's Call. As it often happens at many concerts I've attended, the opener was my favorite! I was a college student, who had just written his first small batch of original songs - and then after listening to Andrew Peterson I just wanted to quit. (Thankfully I didn't :)) Artists, you can relate! I mean, this guy can WRITE, and he's only gotten better over time. Part of it is because he's such an amazing story teller. Just recently, I found myself listening to a podcast he was being interviewed in, where he talked about beekeeping, and there I was in the car with a single tear rolling down my face, listening to him talk about bees and honey! It's all within the first ten minutes of the episode, so give it a listen. You'll know what I mean. But that's just the type of person and artist that Andrew Peterson is. So after getting my first taste of his storytelling/music at this concert back in 1998, I saw him hanging out near the front stage after the show. Of course I fan-boy approached him and asked for a photo together, etc. Fast forward to a few years later, I'm sitting with him in his home in Nashville, and we're listening to my sophomore album together (its entirety), offering encouragement and super helpful constructive criticism (not to mention he did this for me w/ my first album and even made a guest appearance on it!). Who does that?! But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me go back to the earlier days - back to the 90s!

CAME FOR THE MUSIC, STAYED FOR THE HOSPITALITYThe 2nd time I went to see him play his own show in Boston, I got there early and I often do this because I'm afraid I won't get good seats at a general admissions concert. Turns out I got there TOO early, and I ended up seeing Andrew at the venue, walking around and getting ready. He tells me he's gonna go eat dinner that the venue prepared for him, and says that it looks like there's only enough food for him and his band, otherwise he'd invite me to eat with them. Already, that is way more than kind & thoughtful - and I expect nothing more from him. But then he says "Wait a minute!". Runs off, comes back in a few minutes w/ a piece of paper with a list of restaurants he found that were nearby and says he hopes that'll help. Again, who does that?!

THE AFTER SHOWThe 3rd time I saw him, I emailed him in advance and mustered up the courage to ask if he'd be willing to hear some songs I'd written. He says he'd be happy to. So, I bring my guitar to his concert, and wait till the show is over, and I go back stage and play him and his band member Gabe Scott (another amazing guy I can talk about at length) a few songs! I'll be honest. I KNOW they were bad songs. Definitely to my standards now, but I'm gonna say pretty amateur at best even for back then in 1999. But he was generous with his time, listened to them, offered some positive comments, and then Gabe showed me how to play some cool guitar lines. It was a dream come true.

THE OPENERAs I began my own journey in music, I saw how people like Andrew Peterson and Bebo Norman benefited by being given a chance to tour with bigger bands like Caedmon's - so I mustered up the courage yet again to see if Andrew would be willing to let me open for him at one of his shows. To my surprise and delight, he said yes! In hindsight, this was a pretty huge deal (and it was already kind of a big deal back then to begin with). The difference between me opening for Andrew and Andrew opening for Caedmon's is that he got asked by Caedmon's, and in my case, I was the one who asked. So really, Andrew didn't have to oblige AT ALL. He was just being nice, because being brutally honest - I don't even know if I would have let me open up for me! I had no experience performing (except for a handful of shows), and my music and writing were truly mediocre at best. I'm not trying to be self-deprecating, just self-aware. I was very much at the stage where my "taste" was light years beyond my abilities. But he gave me a chance, time and time again. And in my entire music career in music, I have several things that I'm super proud of having been a part of but only a few things I secretly want to brag about haha - and one of them is that I got to open for Andrew during his first tour (with Silers Bald) of his very first iteration of what would eventually become the epic and legendary "Behold The Lamb of God" Christmas Concert (with all original material written be Andrew). Yes, I was somehow an opener of an opener for that!

I don't mean to make this blog entry about me, but I'm trying to highlight how much of an impact he's made on me, just ONE person - so much so that I still remember many instances of his kindness, almost 20 YEARS after we first met.

Believe it or not, there are many more moments like these, both big and small, in which Andrew has impacted my life, but I can't get into them w/o writing a novel!

There are a few huge lessons I learned during time spent with Andrew:

How To Treat A Super-FanI was SUCH a fanboy, but he really took the time to treat me as an individual and cared more about helping me out beyond seeing what he can get out of me as a fan. This is incredibly rare and difficult to sustain - especially as your fan base increases. But for someone like me who had a niche following and music career, Andrew's example and model were what shaped the way I treated my small friends & supporters, and I wouldn't have done it any other way.

Not Taking Yourself Too SeriouslyAlthough I probably had tons of nervous energy around him because I was too excited, he kept cool. He was himself. He's like the Tom Hanks of the Indie Christian Music world. You hear him talk, you see him on stage, or see videos on youtube - and you get the sense that that's how he is in real life. And he is! He's vulnerable, authentic, and approachable - and I don't get the sense that he's changed AT ALL even after all his success.

Rolling With The PunchesRelated to not taking yourself too seriously - if you've ever seen him perform, you almost want something to go wrong (haha! Sorry Andrew!). WHY? Because he handles it with such grace and humor. I've been to shows where the artist messes up and it gets SUPER awkward. If Andrew forgets a lyric or plays a wrong chord, it's like a WIN for the audience because we'll get a touch of his humor and on-the-fly problem solving capabilities. This was paramount for me in developing my own stage presence over the years!

Again, there's so much more I can say - and there's a chance his name will pop up on this blog from time to time - but I'll wrap this up here for now.

Andrew, if you're out there reading this. Thank you not only for being an amazing artist, but for being humble and generous enough to invite others onto your platform of success. I might not be doing music anymore (or at least for the time being), but if there was ever a true friend-hero I've had the pleasure of getting to know in my life, it would be you. Can't wait for what's ahead in your journey!

Your Superfan,Koo

PS - If you're a fellow AP fan out there, please share your favorite songs of his down below in the comments!

DRESS SHIRTMy wife came back home from Primark the other day and got me a gift. I put it on, and it looked like I was wearing a dress. Some of you already know what I'm talking about. It was a t-shirt. We both laughed while I looked in the mirror. We tried to figure it out. "Awww, is it cuz you're overweight right now"? 😂 Well, maybe. But also it's cuz I'm short and if I had a big "A" on the shirt, I'd look like Alvin the chipmunk. Maybe a tall slender hipster from California could pull this off, but the only was I was pulling it off was by literally physically pulling it off and returning it to Primark.

Like many other instances in fashion, they're taking a simple idea to an extreme. Tight pants were in, let's make it EVEN tighter! Longish t-shirts were in, let's make it EVEN longer! For me though, this is where I drew the line. I draw that line often actually.

To be on trend, or even ahead of trend is "cool", but what I think is even cooler is to be confident in my taste and think for myself instead of wearing what the industry is telling me to wear for the sake of staying on trend. For example, a few years back, a certain type of color blocking was really in and I hated it. I skipped that trend. Before that, capris. Why. I just knew that was an immediate nope for me, even if all my fashion forward friends wore them. Bottom line is, I don't feel like I have to prove anything.

One other drawback of trying to be on trend all the time is that you end up paying for clothes at FULL PRICE! The following are ways I like to find some sort of balance when it comes to being on trend:

STAY CLASSICSome trends just look like they won't have staying power. However, if I go with something fairly timeless, then I can afford to NOT buy that article of clothing until the end of the season when things go on sale, and enjoy it the following year. Really, it's #NBD

DISPOSABLE FASHION (aka FAST FASHION)If there's a trend I'm on the fence about (lets take ripped jeans for example), I often like to "try it out" by getting a cheap version of it at a store such as Primark or H&M. If I love it, I'll invest in a nicer version of it later on. Then I really take fit & quality into consideration!

TREND AT FIRST SIGHTThis past year, white shoes (sneakers) have been in again. I liked the way it looked on other people, but no matter where I looked, nothing quite fit the bill for me. I'm not sure why. It might have been a quality thing, it might have been a fit thing. But one day, I saw those Reeboks up there! Classic - they reminded me of my childhood, and I knew immediately that those were the white shoes I'd wanted but didn't realize were an option that was available. Took me a split second to purchase them. Moments like those don't really come by that often for me when it comes to fashion, but it was definitely love (trend) at first sight. Easy choice.

Quick pro-tip for those who cycle through trends often. If you're just over it, and it's taking up space in your closet - sell your clothes to Buffalo Exchange (or shops like it). You don't get a TON of money but at least you get something back!

So that's it - these are the things I consider when it comes to fashion. I don't know what it is, but I love when I can see these conscious choices being made by other people as well. Maybe it's the attention to detail I'm noticing, or an unlikely combination of patterns and colors that I'm appreciating - but I love that fashion is so personal and that I get to have a small window someone's inner world by seeing what they chose to wore that day. And..... THAT'S why I'm a fan of fashion :)

It would only be appropriate to start with writing about a few key people who have most recently influenced me to start blogging (whether they know it or not). 1st up is a man named Derek Sivers. Many of you might not have heard of him, but thousands upon thousands of indie artists owe Derek BIG! Ever heard of a site called CDbaby.com? It's a site where I was able to sell my CDs without having to do it myself (so that I can have more time to do things like, write music!) This was back many years ago when it wasn't as easy for indie artists like myself to set up e-commerce on our websites. CD baby also got my music onto iTunes - which way back when seemed like it was only a platform for well established artists. If you have more time, check out how CD Baby got started. That alone is an amazing story!

I'd get emails from Derek (at the time who was the president of the company) with encouraging notes about CD sales I made. And I actually got REAL emails from him checking in on me to see if I was still doing music. Eventually, I'd occasionally receive emails with extremely practical and beneficial tips for those who had independent music careers like mine. I loved that these emails were really short, and just had links I can click on if I wanted to read more.

Then one day, out of nowhere I got an email that said the following:

New article you might find interesting:Quitting what you love : https://sivers.org/quitIt includes my little announcement of something I'm quitting after 22 years.

I was intrigued. I read the above link, then started going down the rabbit hole that is Sivers' website, and discovered that he's been making a series of incredibly radical decisions about his life and his career. Everything from moving to a different country, selling his company CD Baby and then NOT keeping the money he got from it. This guy does what he wants!

THEN, I read his entry about parenting. He spent the last 5 years spending at least 30 hours with his son every week giving him his full attention. Talk about #dadgoals . More than anything else he's accomplished, that... THAT is inspiring.

Sivers is a THINKER, and he lays out all his thoughts in an extremely organized manner. His website is the most amazing minimalist self-cross-referencing site ever. You know that he is incredibly smart, but he chooses simple words and communicates clearly. I want my blog to be like his site. And I don't say this about a lot of people, but I want my LIFE to kind of look like his too.

You get what you pay for. This applies to everything, and especially to fashion.

I'm not sure how often you go shopping for clothes - especially if you're a guy. I know some people who don't go for a few years, and then just buy a thousand dollars worth at one time. Although I might not end up buying anything, I would have to admit that I do frequent the mall relatively often. And when I do, I quickly stop by my favorite shops and see if there's anything that grabs my attention.

Up until recently, because I felt bad buying expensive clothes, I would often buy the cheaper version of the thing that I really want. Does this make sense? If not, let me back up for a moment. If you visit lots of different clothing stores, you'll find that clothing companies make similar styles to each other (unless it's something very specialized and unique to a brand). For example - if polka dot shirts are in, chances are you'll have at least 5 clothing brands to choose from to buy this polka dot shirt. From afar, it might look the same - but you'll know the minute you hold it in your hands, it feels different (and fits differently too). It might be something about the weight, texture, blend of fabrics, and small details (like buttons, etc). And if someone got ALL those details right, chances are - it's more expensive.

My wife would say to me - you got ANOTHER one of those shirts? And at times it might be because I'm obsessive and like to have collections of plaid or denim shirts that are only subtly different from each other - but MANY times, it's because I bought a cheap version of something first, and it only lasted or satisfied me for a short amount of time. Lets be real for a moment. We're married, have kids, and share our finances, so I need to be responsible! Any family guys feel me out there? So, when I gave my explanation to my wife and said "it's actually because THIS is the one I REALLY wanted, and I saw it on sale today!". It is then that my sweet, super practical, darling wife said to me the kindest words I'd ever heard from anyone: "You should just get the thing you like instead of buying all those other options and cluttering up our closet". If we were dating, I know men who would say to me "marry that woman"!

GET WHAT I WANTReally? OK, sold! Especially if it's going to be something that lasts me for a long time and will actually save me money in the long run. Marie Kondo talks about how when deciding to throw away something ( to reduce clutter ), hold it in your hands and see if it sparks joy! If it does, keep it! If it doesn't, get rid of it. There are several items of clothing/shoes or accessories that I own that I feel that way about, and in many cases - they're clothes that are high in quality and rich in important details. If you're smart about it, you don't even have to spend a lot and might even find them on sale.

DE-CLUTTERThis is something I want to get better at (and am trying to use the Marie Kondo method). I'm not sure if I'm brave enough to try the capsule wardrobe method, but maybe one day I will! Till then, I love that buying something I love ONCE will help me to create more space in my home!

SKINNY BONES CHUNGThat's what a friend used to call me. And I secretly loved it. 😂There was about a 2 year stretch of my life when I was in optimal physical shape (for my own standards at least). I wasn't quite six packin', but I wasn't flabby either. But sheesh, it sure felt nearly impossible to sustain the lifestyle necessarily to stay in that kind of shape. My crankiness was on a whole new level if I didn't have my little snack at the right times. #whatsmysnack - Afternoon naps were a 'must' if I had an intense work out in the morning. But I have to say... I miss those days, and maybe one day I'll try to go back to it - but for now, DAD BOD it is. OK fine, let's be real. It's just crossing over into plain old FAT BOD territory now! :)

I bring that up not just to humble brag that I once was in shape, but because I want to talk a bit about something I enjoy thinking about: FASHION! See, from time to time on this blog, I plan on posting about specific articles of clothing I'm into, or a fashion accessory I'm digging. I might be getting ahead of myself, but if I'm going to share about fashion that I'm into - I feel that I'm also gonna want to refer back to my own simple rules of fashion, so I thought it'd be fun to write about that first! And as I like to do with everything else, I'm gonna start by over-analyzing things a bit. It's just what I do.

DOES THIS MAKE ME LOOK FATSo here's my starting point. It might be something that's painfully obvious to many, and most certainly isn't rocket-science. Years ago someone asked me, "Koo, when it comes to fashion, whats' the most important thing for you?". My answer: "The way clothes fit". Not super enlightening, but he scratched his head and said, "Huh... the way clothes fit.... interesting".

Let me get into it. See, those years of being in shape was really difficult in terms of keeping up the lifestyle, but one of the most fun and rewarding things about it was being able to have more options when it came to clothing! Currently I'm a medium for most brands, but back then, believe it or not - I was a small or extra small! (and those are also not popular sizes, so I always got to buy things on sale which was an added bonus!)

I should also mention that I was a small not only because I was thin, but also because of the fact that I'm relatively short. I'm average short. Not a shorty short short, but just kind of short. What that means is that when I'm out of shape, mediums and large shirts fit fine around the torso, but then the problem is that I'll have sleeves for days, and my shirt becomes a short skirt - or with pants, way too much pant length (which means pants not tapering well- aka skinny jeans just become slim fit or straight leg). This is because most of the fashion industry produces clothing for people who are in shape (or for mannequins). Captain Obvious, right?

But wait, have you noticed that a specific size will fit differently from one brand to another - and then sometimes even within the same brand? When you KNOW you don't fit in a small but all of sudden you do, it's called "vanity sizing". Sizing is incredibly nuanced, (I just ignore tags now) and it is the very reason it's kind of a pain and a time suck for me to go shopping when I'm in Dad Bod mode, but I will pay attention to it because otherwise, the clothes will not only be unflattering, but it will also be a waste of money (more on that in a bit).

This is why people who care about fashion get their suits tailor made for them. Suits are expensive! If you're making an investment, wouldn't it make sense to get measured and get something that fits just right? Fact: A suit that is perfectly form fitting will make you look more slim than a suit that is too big for you (or too small for you of course).

For those who don't have money to throw out the window, this goes for regular clothes as well. If like me, you've let go in your diet for a season, you would think that buying LARGER clothes is the best solution to cover up, you know.. the soft parts. But this is incredibly far from the truth. It makes things worse! Unless you're walking around in a snuggie all day, you're not really hiding anything. On top of that, if I'm wearing a standard tee shirt with sleeves that come all the way down to my elbows, on top of NOT hiding anything, I just look sloppy. There are people who wear oversized clothing on purpose (and it actually looks like it's coming back into style), but in my case, that's not the look I'm going for.

So what do I do if I'm in that awkward place where certain sizes are too small, but the next size up is way too big. Some more common sense: keep looking to find clothes that fit me perfectly currently. I no longer do that thing where I buy clothes that are too small with the wishful thinking that I'll fit into it in a few months. It almost never happens. Realistically, I just end up not wearing that article of clothing until I do fit into it properly, and sometimes that can be a long time - long enough for it to go out of fashion - and that is a waste of money! I'd rather just reward myself with new clothes when I lose weight! When I go through the trouble, I eventually find the perfect fit - especially when I go outside of brands I normally shop at. For example, I was on the quest to find perfectly fitting black tee shirts. I normally don't shop at American Eagle (it's for a weird reason too - I don't like when clothing companies slap their logo visibly on all of their clothing!). But when I walked in to look around, there they were - a bunch of soft black tees that fit me perfectly even if I wasn't in optimal shape! (and they do have a small logo tag on the bottom left, but it is subtle :)) The key is to put in those extra few minutes and try on a few things. Really, don't just grab a medium when you're shopping online, just cuz you know that's your size. Sometimes, even two different mediums of the same exact shirt fit differently! I found this out by accident when I tried on a shirt, loved it, but saw that it had a hole in it, then grabbed another one, and it didn't fit right. I thought I was going crazy, but it's more common than you'd think. That's why sometimes I just grab two of the same item before I go into a fitting room. Am I overthinking enough yet?

With all this said, I would like to make something absolutely clear. None of this is to disparage overweight people. This isn't about body shaming. Remember, it's me, Dad Bod talking! Nor am I trying to get people to be super-self-conscious. In fact, it's when I wear poorly fitting clothes that I actually feel the most self conscious. Ultimately, I just want to be comfortable and not draw negative attention to myself. Comfort and fashionably fitting clothing don't always have to be mutually exclusive!

XANGAA long time ago, I used to write on xanga. Remember that? I mean, not me on xanga, but the platform? Since then, people moved on to facebook, then twitter, etc. Somewhere between all of that, and not hopping on the wordpress/blog wagon because I didn’t understand it - I just stopped writing all-together and I miss it. A lot. Especially since I’m not writing songs as much anymore, I need an outlet - so this will be it!

As I explain in Part 1, I am starting this blog because I want it to be a collection of me chronicling things I like. Things I am a fan of. But to be honest, I want it to be more than that. I want it to be a place where I can connect with friends (and new friends) about the things we are passionate about. As much as I want to share what I’m passionate about, I want to learn from you the reader as well!

Here's what I'll be doing:

STEAL LIKE AN ARTIST

I'm not an avid blog reader, but over the years, there are a few people's blogs & websites that have really caught my attention. Unlike most blog readers, I don't subscribe to RSS feeds, but I bookmark the ones I plan on coming back to check out every once in a while. What I resonate with the most in all of these blogs/websites are the following:

Authenticity

"Trade Secrets" (not personal secrets, but techniques/insight that help someone be good at what they do)

Succinctness (although I'm not sure I'll be great at this 😬)

Aesthetically Pleasing

Entertaining

I have several specific inspirations I'm going to draw from, (some people call this "copying" or "stealing [like an artist]) - but instead of listing them here, I'll BLOG about them, so stay tuned. I like giving credit where it's due!

ADVICE- I hate email with a passion. Often I am terrible at responding to them, and by often I mean always. (I am slowly headed down that path with text messaging as well). But one thing I noticed is that there is a specific type of email I’ll always reply to with a lot of TLC (but sometimes it takes me months to reply because I care TOO much). And these emails fall into the category of people asking for advice. To narrow it down further, the question I've gotten more often than any other is “what kind of guitar should I get?”. 2nd most frequent used to be budding musicians needing career advice (but I don’t get those as often these days). Since I love writing those emails so much, I thought - why don’t I just blog about it?

- Related to “advice”, from time to time I get asked about or get paid a complement on my sense of fashion which I honestly feel very flattered by - because while I don’t think I do anything stylistically special or out of the norm, I do care about it, and at times have a lot to say about it.

- Lastly - once I was playing “The Voting Game” with my friends, and I got voted “The person who would give the best life advice”. I was experiencing all the feels until one of these friends blurted out “That means you old, son!”. Whatever! 😂 I’ll still take it. It meant a lot.

All to say, in this blog I might sprinkle in some of that “advice” I’ve given to people.

NO AGENDAOver time, I imagine I’ll start to re-develop a sense of style in my writing, and find my voice when it comes to blogging. For now though, I don’t want to concern myself with that - I just want to write, and maybe over time I’ll inadvertently find what my “focus” is. Spoken like a true Enneagram 3, huh? Ready, FIRE, aim!

It’s been 4 years since I released my last album. Before that, there was an even longer hiatus of 7 years since I had recorded any new material. Things have slowed down quite a but, but back in my 20s, I kept busy. I worked. I was one of the only Asian Americans out there pursuing music as a career (Christian indie music no less). I got to work with some amazing musicians and producers I looked up to, and shared the stage with several artists whose names I shall not drop here. But as I look back on all those years, I realize something important. My music career wasn’t necessarily about music. Honestly, my music was mediocre. And no, I’m not fishing for compliments, and I’m not being false-modest. To balance things out, I will say that I wrote and recorded a few songs I really liked (especially on Brick by Brick)! So there, I'm not just being self-deprecating! And depending on who you talk to, I guess you can say I had a decent level of success. But like I said, what's really interesting when I look back on that time is that it wasn't really all that much about music. In retrospect, if I were to construct a list of what was really important to me during that time of life (in order of importance), it would look something like this:

1 Representing Asians in the Christian music industry

2 Paving the way for fellow Asian artists who were better than me

3 Getting things done

4 Connecting with people

5 Sharing my stories and beliefs with people (through music)

But what came before this list? There was a crucial step that I didn’t consider to be so crucial at the time, and it was the very thing that sparked the long journey of music ahead. What was that step?

I became a fan.

Not just a casual fan, but a SUPER FAN of a few musicians/bands. I've always loved music (Top 3 during my pre-teenage years were Michael Jackson, The Beatles, and Billy Joel). In middle school, I started realizing I can play some of the music I loved (which at that time took me into the New Wave territory: Erasure, Depeche Mode, etc.) But after I started playing guitar, and learned the intro to "I Will Be Here" (by Steven Curtis Chapman), the fan boy emerged. Honestly, it was embarrassing how much of a fan boy I was when it came to musicians I looked up to. It all went next-level when I was finally able to go to a Steven Curtis Chapman concert, and literally ran after the tour bus after the concert was over, to try to meet him. SCC and I made eye-contact, and out of the kindness of his heart asked the driver to pull over so he could meet this crazy Korean boy running faster than Forrest Gump. I asked to take a photo with him, and I made it poster sized, and proudly put it on display for all to see in my college dorm room for the many years that followed. You think the story ends there. The following year, I went to another SCC concert, met him AGAIN and asked for a “do-over” photo with him because in the first one I looked like a maniac. (And I brought that photo where I looked like a maniac so that he can sign that one) He laughed with me, but I'm pretty sure he was scared for his life. But that’s what I was. A maniac – and I couldn’t help it! I believed so much in everything this man did, and I realized that the next step I wanted to take was to become JUST like him. And little did I know that in that moment, long before I stepped into a recording studio, that my music career began.

Not to go too much into detail, but like I mentioned above - my music was mediocre. In fact yesterday an old friend of mine posted my FIRST album with my band on instagram, and I cringed! I was just thankful that probably only a handful of people have a copy of that CD! But like many fan turned artists, I completely resonate with this quote by Ira Glass:

“All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer.”

Though there were so many things I learned while trying to become what I was a fan of, I probably won't go into too much of that in this blog. Rather, I’m focusing on the “taste” part. There was something so pure and innocent about only being a fan of something. No pressure to network, no pressure to sell something. Just simple admiration for something or someone great. I loved being just a fan, and I still do!

One of the things I learned about myself recently, is that when I am truly a fan of something, it’s easy for me to talk about it and share it with my friends. It’s different from sales, because I actually wouldn’t be able to sell something I didn’t believe in – but if it’s something I love, it’s easy. There’s a deep sense of pleasure I get out of seeing a friend grow to love or appreciate something I turned them onto (and love when it happens to me)! It’s a type of connection.

So, if you got this far - I’d love to tell you from time to time, about the things that I like, the people that are my heroes, and the ideas I’m inspired by. I hope some of these posts might be helpful for you (or just fun to read), and that you might even become a fan of some of these ideas, things, or people, yourself!