Tag: envy

I’ve been down in the dumps lately because I feel like my whole summer has been wasted because of my health. Having gallbladder disease was no joke! The strict diets, the sporadic nausea, the throwing up every other day, the pains, the Vicodin, the Zofran, the Percocet, the Ambien. I was completely over it. I finally had it removed on July 17th and can eat whatever I want now, but the recovery is still tiring as well. I still have 4 bullet size wounds trying to heal on my stomach, I can’t bend over (there goes my sex life), and my stomach is still puffy from the surgery. So I feel fat. I don’t look fat, but I feel fat because of the swelling. Many people have promised that if I give it another month my body will go back to normal again, but that only sounds good if it was Winter time. It’s 95 degrees every day! And while I can’t wake up until 1pm, can’t go to the gym or exercise until I’m 100% healed, sit around and design websites all day long, I get to see alllllllllllll of my friends posting pictures and etc of how much fun they’re having on every social media website I can think of.

The picture above is the only picture I can post currently. Me in my pissy ass bathroom. Not with my friends, not on the beach, not at a pool party, not in the club, not playing volleyball, not screaming “YOU AIN’T ABOUT THAT LIFE!”, not pouring champagne over a stripper breasts. Just me. Standing in my fucking bathroom. After I tested out an overpriced flatiron.

On a brighter note, Kyle and Tyasia have been wonderful the past few weeks. The first week Kyle barely slept because he had to help me walk and pee every hour. Yes, it even hurt to pee. Recovery is going slow, but I am getting better. Of course now, I have to “take it easy”. Even when I laugh too hard I feel a slight pain. When I put on one of my tight dresses, I feel a larger pain. So there goes my social life all over again. The only thing I feel comfortable in are maternity clothes (yes, I had to purchase a few tops and dresses to adhere to my current medical condition).

This is not what I imagined for Summer 2012. I planned on showing off my new body, continue going to the gym to beef up my abs and butt, whip my 26inch weave back and forth, and be. fucking. fabulous. Now I’m only fabulous when I do a fake photoshoot in the bathroom.

People not being able to get over it: Why it seems as if the people that dislike you always find themselves most active in your life? They tell you (and others) all these things they don’t like about you, but still involve themselves in your surroundings. They observe how you carry yourself, who you hang out with, things you say and still complain about what you’re doing. Isn’t this like a form of stalking or an obsession? Then when you comment upon their actions, they have the nerve to tell you to “leave them alone”. Funny huh? I’m glad I became one of those people who sits around contentedly, ignoring how the people who dislike me behave. In any way possible they are crying for your attention. They want it. They need it. As much as they hate you, there’s something about you they yearn. If you dislike someone so much, then keep it moving. Why place yourself in their environment, just to complain about them more? I didn’t know an individual that’s not in your life can place so much affect into it. No matter how you look at it or try to downplay your actions, it’s still unhealthy. School, work, internet, church, club, bar…doesn’t matter. Unhealthy obsession. A healthy obsession would be focusing on solving a problem or focusing on something good. An unhealthy obsession is the constant focus of energy on something to the point that the obsession causes harmful consequences in your life (ie: emotions, negativity & etc.). They are both bad when they are to an extreme but to be persistent about something or someone that you don’t like is absurd. It’s a very annoying waste of time and if you don’t have control over yourself, to some degree, you will be ridiculed. Most of the time, obsessions come up when you’re trying to fill a sense of emptiness in your life. Thus the reason why when we disassociate ourselves from someone they tend to come around even more. I just don’t see the point in it all. If you’re not going to benefit from your actions why do it? If I hold no weight in your life, why concentrate so much in what I do? Why dislike me so much, yet, be so engulfed into what I am about? It makes no sense. Things I dislike the most I keep out of my sight and out of my mind. I don’t clutter my brain with extensive amounts of it.

If you spend more time figuring out your own life, instead of mine, you’ll be a much better person. Take the separation for what it is, and just step.¹

You can be jealous of someone for as long as you like. You can talk shit about them for as much as you like. You can try to break them down for as much as you like. At the end of the day, they will always have something that you don’t and they will continuing to strive to be better than you. So all of your weak attempts will go null and void, however, karma’s watching. Be careful of what you do to other people.

¹This blog is a throwback. Originally posted on June 1st 2009.

Is it just me or is it that the people who gripe and complain about “being left alone” are the main ones who actually create the drama they’re currently in? Coming from someone with experience, the best way to handle it is to simply ignore the person. Don’t reply to their bullshit, don’t explain yourself, don’t try to validate your points, don’t try to prove anyone wrong. Just refrain from entertaining it and walk away. As cliche as it sounds, you have to ignore ignorance. All that energy you’re placing into acknowledging them is actually just fueling the fire even more. Personally, I wouldn’t want to keep looking at someone or try to be in their presence a lot if I don’t like them. If I don’t like you or how you look, I’m not going to visit your website all the time just to talk shit about you to others. What’s the point? What are you saying about yourself? They may laugh and “a tee hee” at you, but truth is…they find you foolish & immature. Let’s not fool ourselves here though…sometimes the shit is pure comedy. Especially rumors or assumptions people make about you. But only when you handle yourself well. So what if someone stole from you. So what if someone is passing around your nudes. So what if someone said you’re fat. So what if someone said you’re broke. So what if someone said your dick is little. Quit moaning about it over & over & over & over again and just make note of it. You have to learn how to deal with rumors and just brush them off instead of going 100% harder than the person that’s actually trying to ruin your reputation. You both look like a bunch of jackasses. All of the senseless back and forth, especially those are are part of the blog community. The relentless blogging about each other. More than likely, you’ve done something to that person for them to start fucking with you anyways. So, ever thought that maybe you deserved it?

I’ve learned to just really brush shit off if lately. Especially when someone has something untruthful to say about me. I simply keep it moving and continued doing what I do best….being me. Regardless of what I said or did, there will always be 2 outcomes = you either believe me or you don’t. So why even waste my time? Especially to frivolous insecure people who were dying to find a flaw or an error in my way, capitalize upon it, and then try to “rise” above me. Quit being so thirsty. Just goes to show that life must be really dull for them. I’m sure someone who dislikes me is reading this right now. Hi.

I’m not going to lie, it’s a bit disheartening if it’s someone that you used to be friends with. Or when you’ve reached the point where you have to say “enough is enough“. I guess as you go through life, and start to mature more, you tend to start letting people go. I’ve let a lot of people go this year, which happens to be the most I’ve ever done. However, I’m still at the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. Which lets me know about my inner strength. It just sucks the way things have to end. But don’t we all wish and hope that things “end” in a good way? How is that possible though? Because if it was so good, it wouldn’t have “ended”. And the only way I end things is if I was done wrong. When someone betrays me, I usually investigate why they did it in the first place. Then I insist on working on that problem. But if you’re not willing to cooperate, then I have no choice than to let you go.

It’s not my duty or responsibility to change the minds of other people. The nature of their thinking is advanced or limited by their experiences with me. Or in better terms, lack thereof. In my presence, people have the opportunity to learn about me and, perhaps, to grow & love me. Some choose to take that route, while others decide to go against me. My only responsibility is the one towards myself, my life & my child. If you don’t choose to take my hand and walk these wars with me, then you weren’t worth it in the first place. Continue to judge me. Continue to take cheap shots. Continue to talk about me behind my back. Trust me, I am not pressed. Because no matter what, you will still be you, and I will still be Chanel. I will continuously aim for the top. The best. While you continue to wonder how I got there, glaring at me from the bottom.

Put more energy into bettering yourself, rather than worrying about & analyzing someone’s next move. Because all you’re doing is pointing all of their “so-called” flaws out when you are blind to your own. Just let it go boo-boo. You’ll feel much better once you get over it. I promise.