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I don’t think I totally understand make-up. Some days I sit in the chair and the lady does me up with all sorts of stuff and sprays my face with an airbrush and it takes a good 10 minutes. Other days I’m in and out of the chair in two minutes – a little dab of makeup here and there and a dusting of base. Either way I wind up looking the same. Why are some of the makeup gals spending so much more time on me for the exact same results? It makes me sad to think of all that wasted time. They could be writing the next great novel. Or Cliff’s Notes.
Anyway, kudos to today’s make-up lady. You wouldn’t know it because of her 2 minute handiwork, but I had a red gash near my right eye from where my homicidal toddler son tried to poke my eye out with an American flag on a sharp stick. I forgive him because he’s about as smart as a Rhesus monkey at the moment, but I don’t trust him with patriotic symbols anymore. I also think it’s un-American to attach the flag to sharp sticks.

Employees I've dealt with at electronics mega-retailer Best Buy, placed in other lines of work.
COMEDY CLUB EMCEE
Tells audience he'll "be right with them" and spends the next eight minutes trying to break down a cardboard …

A weekly analysis of the world's greatest cartoon.
MONDAY
Summary:
Jon asks Garfield if he is jealous about his new flame, Liz. Garfield thinks Jon shouldn't flatter himself.
Why this is funny:
The humor here comes from the fact that …