If you had only listened to your mother, when she tried to teach you about perseverance, and doing things right, and a job well begun is half done, and a stitchin time, and doing what must be done... You could have had a dozen posts from that one resource!! But you threw it all away!

Now that we have resolved the Battle of the Abs, and handled the Salvation of Jimmy Ray Humbrew, and assured the Preservation of Virtue of the Fertilesticks' Daughter Norma, and as well graced the legacy of English literature with some really nice couplets and a deathless motto on Aboriginal Truth and such, what's for lunch?

No, Amos. Just guiding a chela on her way to understanding the Heart of the Lotus. I haven't tried such a tactic on a young lady in, oh, a very very long time. Years and years. Besides, she was willing and certainly looked over 18. You can't prove I did it anyway, and I was either out of town or drunk or both on that date.

Carol, that you are asking these questions is good. It shows that you are reaching out to The Infinite in your quest for self-realization. When you have achieved that, you will begin reaching out to understand The Teapot that is The Lotus that is The All. When that understanding is achieved, and very very few ever achieve it, you will have a very dim understand of Khanduwhoistweed and Tweedwhoisalsokhandu. No mortal being has ever achieved this final Understanding, but we must strive, for Striving Is All. As Camus (The Myth of Sysphus) so cogently put it, "The point is to live."

But is it a mataphorical "downstairs" or is it a real place? Is "downstairs" just a state of mind? Is it a place we can aspire to go to or, a state of being we can attain? And when is "tea time"? Is it only "tea time" when we reach "downstairs"?

Downstairs is a place where you can play cornet and piasno together without knowing how.

See : BS: The Mother of all BS threads (4722* d)

[PM] Rustic Rebel RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads 23 Sep 04 Oh Shamble me Oh shamble man, do not be discongoriginated (is that really a word or did I make it up?) For what is real and what is aboriginal, cannot be fucked with. (i just heard that from someone downstairs talking and thought it fit, no-matter what I was going to say) Be it the King of all bullshit or be it the poet roper, the real question of the hour is...... When is it tea time? Or else I would say the second question of the day would be... Why did the bee choose to fly up my panties?

For what is real, and what is aboriginal, cannot be fucked with.

Rounded to the rack, and the mortal frame, In timèd duty dire condemned; Yet when on sweet occasion certain songs or lights Come forth, why, then we are redeemed again! Such is the music of the morning breeze, The light of dawn, the sigh of tides, Or Rustic Rebel, pounding on the keys!!

Well, that there organ must be urine, 'cuz it shore ain't mine! But wait...Hark!

What light through yonder window? Brakes? Cane or car? Is it the East, and Rustic is the Son? Arise, Rustic Son, and bump off with envious mooning This vast o'erhanging firmament, this majestical roof, Fretted with golden fire, this foul and pestilent congregation of vapoureurs. No, no, Man delights me knot, no, nor Woman also Though by your similing you would make it so. What's his weapons? --Rapier and dagger. And thou art killed, my lord. It is not as deep as a well, nor as wide as a church door, But 'twill serve, 'twill serve. Ask for me tomorrow And you will find me a grave man, the paragon of animals, The glory of the world, the vast cloud-capped palaces, Must dissolve And leave not a rack behind. We are rounded.

Finite insatiable foreskinThe protector of the bone.The left-over skin of the anus.The waging 'skin'ny war upon disease and virus. The virtual skins of the weiners.The foreplay to the man that owns up.The nocturnal darkness to the urine organ

It is simple. A confused but ripe flower was attacked by an underhanded seductor who chose to disguise his meat-driven obsessioon as a religiosity in Heaven's name, so as to make easier his conquest by associating himself with Infinite Paternal Godhead, when in fact all he was was finite insatiable foreskin.

You will concur this violates the rules and goes beyond the pale of normal jejeune seducitvity. It was snake-belly material of the lowest sort, an' I had no choice but to call him on it. So Ah did.

HE blustered and eventually confessed.

What of all this is hard to unnerstan? He got drunk, got laid, and gave over his pretense and confessed all.

Looks like Feminine Innocence has persevered as the Senior Wile after all, efen you ask me.

I think I'm having a problem with this. How could a man of faith so easily be turned? How can two or three posts from the MOAB convince a man of the cloth to go ape-shit and jack-off into the full moon lit night pretending he was never a follower nor a lover of the lord?What the fuck is up with that?A young, tight, wanting young woman comes to visit the MOAB and the men go horny and or lose all faith.Okay guys, there is something rather suspicious of the name, Norma Fertilesticks. What is Fertilesticks? Sounds like she's playing with you all and not only that but, no wait, well, now I have to stop in mid thought... Maybe being a virgin does represent a fertile type. Oh.. Fuck it...You go girl!! Get all these men up in statue. HA HA HA HA back at you.

Ya know, brother Amoss, yor right. I am a srry ass, an I was only wantin to git my hands on that little Norma or Norm or whatever her name was. After I posted the las time I met a nice lady who I remonstraited with for wearin a miniskirt but she was awful nice and took me to have some liminade and I found out it had likkher in it and I like it. She was real nice too and could do some amazing things eith her tonge ant when she left me on the street my wallet waz gone. But I dunt care because she showed me the REAL path to happyness.

I get more salvation from one beaming smile from a pretty girl, Reverend, than I would ever get from your dictatorial hijinks and book-pandering scramble for a non-existant moral high ground unmerited by competency, humor, or insight. Now I know not everyone can be smart and insightful, and it takes a heap o' work to get competent. But at least, you could lighten your sorry Bible-thumping ass up a bit and notice that you are being, in effect, an ideological baboon.

For shame! Yes, for shame! All of you are going to Hell unless you change and follow the Right Path To The Lord!

I shall pray for all of you, beseeching the Lord that you be saved. Norma, my child, I shall pray especially for you. Brother Amos, when you are burning in the Eternal Fire, you will cry out to Lazarus sitting at the right hand of Abraham and beseech him for a drop of water -- yes! a single drop of filthy water upon his fingertip! -- and he will not give it to you, replying that between you a great gulf is fixed.

Repent now, Brother Amos, before the Fire That Never Goes Out consumes your soul.

But I will pray for all of you, and you may call upon me when you See The Light and Open Your Souls and I will respond. For it is Never Too Late to turn away from the Path of Darkness.

Norma, you have honored me and I am grateful and touched by the scintillating light and insightful wit and humor you have shown here. Thankee, ma'a'm. If I didn't think you were Little Hawk in disguise I would come right over there and give one good smack on the cheek in thanks!!

I heard that, Tweed who is really Kandu. Did you hear that Jimmy? Tweed who is really Kandu would rather be locked in my bosooms or Carol's than listen to your harping (or what ever you said Tweed)!I would rather be locked in Tweed's dirty boxer shorts than listen to that shit myself! Sounds like we got a pervert on our hands huh?P.S. I hope that doesn't start the old conversation back up about your shorts though TweedwhoisreallyKandu. Please do not mail them to me in a box of sand okay?

Rev. Jimmy Ray Humbrew, I think you are really a nice man but I don't think my religioeus ways calls for a lesson from a pastor of the Lord to teach me sex and divine love. I will wait for love to find me and then I will know what to do when it's my time to do it. I think Amos is right and a very nice man to tell you to just stay away from me because I think amos is a very, very smart man and I know he's wiser than a lot of people here so i trust him very much. I trust him more than you Rev. Jimmy Ray Humbrew. But I have to tell you your very funny to, ha ha ha. I think since this is the mom of bs that you are being funny with me so I can take everything you say to me as a joke. Ha, ha ha. I have to go now I have to go back to school for a high diving contest at the pool of lovers leap. ha ha ha. Love, Norma

Good enough, Jimmy Ray -- sorry to hear you won't be making the cut then. Ain't no child writing them devious invitations to disgrace and hounding after the failure of a maiden's virtue. You going down by your own belief system, big buddy, and I can't say as how I am too sorry to hear it. Don't forget your salt tabs and your tanning lotion, now, y'hear?

Brother Jimmy I would ruther be locked in the bosooms obv RusticRebel (or CarolC's ef she warn't the Sailor's gal) any old day than in thet smelly old goatherd Aberham's. Whut the hell were you thinkin'? How kin you atterakt enny bobby wif rewards such as them you offer?

Oh, Brother Amos! Even though you have hardened your heart to The Lord, both He and I still love you. I will pray that your feet will be set upon the Path Of Righteousness and that you will again be enfolded in the Bosom of Abraham. The Lord forgives your hard-heartedness, Brother Amos, and I can do no less than forgive you as well. We will pray unceasingly that you will soon recoved the Innocent and Trusting Ways you had as a child, for it is written that unless you become as a child you shall not enter into The Kingdom.

You think I'M a sinner, you two-bit, moralizing, sanctimonious, pusillanimous, authoritarian, smarmy, hypocritical, son of a bitch? I don't go around using pretend spirituality to get laid. That sort of betrayal is cosmically evil and far beyond the realm of minor pecadilloes. It deserves a special suite in the depths of Hades.

"I went there of my own free will. I went there in my finest gown, With my rarest Jewels With my Queen of Heaven crown. In the Underworld At each of the Seven Gates I was stripped Seven times Of all I thought I was Till I stood bare in who I really am."

"Oh Goddess, Source of Gods and Mortals, All-Fertile, All-Destroying Gaia, Mother of All, Who brings forth the bounteous fruits and flowers, All variety, Maiden who anchors the eternal world in our own, Immortal, Blessed, crowned with every grace, Deep bosomed Earth, sweet plains and fields fragrant grasses in the nurturing rains, Around you fly the beauteous stars, eternal and divine, Come, Blessed Goddess, and hear the prayers of Your children, And make the increase of the fruits and grains your constant care, With the fertile seasons Your handmaidens, Draw near, and bless your supplicants." - Orphic Hym to Gaia, Translated by Virginia Stewart.

"Yah Devi sarva bhuteshu, vishnumayeti shabditaa Namastasyai, namastasyai, namastasyai namoh namaha" This goddess, who in all things, exists as the very form of God. I bow to you, I bow to you, I bow to you, again and again." - Yah Devi (This Goddess) Krishna Das, Pilgrim Heart

"Obsience to Her Who is Pure Being, Consciousness, Bliss. As Power, Who Exists in the Forms of Time and Space, And All That is Therein, Who is the Divine Illuminatrix in All Beings." - A Tantric Prayer

I will pray for you, Brother Amos. And I know that God will forgive you. Yea, though your sins be as scarlet as blood and your soul as black as The Pit, you can be Washed Clean. All you must do is take the step, Brother Amos, the one step that will put you on the Road To Salvation, the One Road That Leads To Eteral Joy. Just choose your Eternal Reward and step forward shouting, "Today, I choose The Savior! I will follow Him where ever He may go! Lead, Kindly Light!, and I will follow!"

Come to the water, Brother Amos, and wash yourself in the Blood of the Lamb. I know that you are a sinner, you know that you are a sinner, and God knows that you are sinner. But we'll stake you out in deep water for a couple of days and, Brother Amos, you'll have found God when we have finished!

Listen to your heart. Its still, silent wisdom will guide you to the Paths of Righteousness and the Way of Goodness. The Bible will be your shield and your innocence your sword. You will scourge these transgessors, this Amos, this Khandu, and they will fall into the Fiery Pit weighed down with their sins, to sink into the Pit from which the howls and screams of Sinners In Everlasting Torment rend the very air. Sinners scourged across plains of hot broken glass by lustful demons, sinners helpless in their bonds while leather-clad Liliths Work Their Will upon them. Oh, Norma, set your feet upon the Right Path and forsake all lustful sinners! Let me instruct you and guide you toward True Womanhood.