“There’s nothing worse in the world than thinking you have a chance when you really don’t.”

–

Meredith Grey

========

Ok. This is mostly about business <but certainly offers some Life thoughts>. This is about motivation, risk and discerning reality from wishful thinking (which is actually a management skill).

First.

I do believe if you ‘play’ … you should play to win.

Second.

I also realize that sometimes in Life, and in business, we play … and play knowing we don’t have a chance in hell of winning.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Someone will point out the times where someone was given no chance and they won. I will then point out that it is just like the ‘poor to rich’ examples — they are exceptions. Few & far between. Unfortunately, the majority of time if you have no chance (seriously: you really do not).

Now. For some reason when someone starts talking about ‘no chance’ the phrase “playing to win or playing not to lose”rears its ugly head. And while it sounds good to say “you’re playing to win” in your business, what exactly does that really mean?

We can dance on the head of this pin all day long if you are not careful.

Some suggest playing to win means playing all out, as in, going for it all and holding nothing back.

Some suggest that playing not to losemeans holding something back, at its worst ‘being conservative’, and at its most prudent ‘making sure if you don’t win you have something left’ <or minimize losses>.

First of all.

Every good business person does both. Playing to win isn’t always about resources … it’s more often about effort & attitude.

Think about it. I can hold reserves back and tell the ones attacking to ‘go for broke’ and they actually play harder because they know there are reserves if they falter. Technically that puts you in the ‘playing not to lose’ category and technically that is shit.

Regardless. This is where ‘no chance’ comes into play.

There may be nothing worse in business than thinking you have a chance when you don’t have an ice cube’s chance in hell. This mostly sucks because at the conclusion, for the leader, it makes you second guess whether you are a good judge of ‘chance’ or if you are a shitty leader or it makes you second guess your people <”are they good enough? … because we sure as hell had a chance”>.

This can suck the life out of a manager.

For at the conclusion, for the worker people, who tend to be thinking in general on most projects and initiatives “why the hell are we doing this because it has no chance of working” anyway … it simply becomes confirmation that most initiatives have no chance.

This can suck the life out of an organization.

Look. Thinking you have a chance is normal. In fact, it is so natural to think it you almost have to convince yourself that there is no chance. Society, and crappy managers, are constantly seeking ways to convince you that the latter is simply signs of pessimism or lack of ‘positive thinking.’

In addition, we all ache to not be mediocre and for some reason ‘not having a chance’ is directly linked to ‘not good enough’ and can very quickly, and very stealthily, slip into thoughts of mediocrity.

Well. That is shit too. No chance is … well … no chance. It doesn’t necessarily mean not good enough nor does it have to suggest mediocrity.

Simply: no chance is no chance.

In fact, I would suggest a sliver of a chance is still no chance. Note: this always reminds me of Dumb & Dumber:

—–

Lloyd Christmas: What do you think the chances are of a guy like you and a girl like me … ending up together?

Lloyd Christmas: Hit me with it! Just give it to me straight! I came a long way just to see you, Mary. The least you can do is level with me.

What are my chances?

Mary Swanson: Not good.

Lloyd Christmas: You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?

Mary Swanson: I’d say more like one out of a million.

[pause]

Lloyd Christmas: So you’re telling me there’s a chance… YEAH!

—-

Yeah, yeah, yeah … once again … people are gonna come out of the woodwork to point out the times the sliver of a chance became reality.

But.

Life, and in particular, Business is about making choices on where to invest energy. Investing energy in ‘no chance’ situations and initiatives are a drain — individually & organizationally.

In addition, those incredibly rare ‘no chance wins’ take on a Life of their own which most leaders and managers mismanage by encouraging overall belief rather than encouraging ‘we beat the odds which is an exception <which creates exceptional moments>’. Managers need to teach & coach employees to honestly assess chance.

Shit. Managers need to get better at ‘not thinking there is a chance’ assessment.

Shit. Businesses, in general, just need to admit they have no chance when they literally have no chance.

I am certainly not suggesting this is easy. Having been in dozens of painful business meetings where everyone fights to NOT admit we don’t have a chance because, well, it absolutely sucks to have no chance let alone admit you have no chance. While I noted earlier it is bullshit to associate this thinking with mediocrity we all inevitably dance with this ugly feeling at some point in this discussion.

But what sucks more? Thinking you actually have a chance when you do not.

In the end I believe what I am suggesting is that a successful life, personally and in business, incorporates some pragmatism. I say that as an unequivocal “hope” guy. But hope needs to be treated well in order to treat you well … abuse it and you lose it.

So … remember.

Hoping you have a chance is significantly different than thinking you have a chance. And maybe it is within that distinction that most of us just suck at thinking.

But we should all take solace that even in our suckedness there is good. It is good that everyone hopes they have a chance and it is good that all of us dance on the thought of having a chance. It is a beautiful heartening uplifting soul sweeping dance which all of us should learn the steps to.

“Sometimes there is no next time, no time-outs, no second chances; sometimes it’s now or never.”

–

Alan Bennett

===

Life is tricky. While there often seems to be unending line of second chances standing outside your door sometimes … well … you look outside one morning and they have all gone to have a scone at starbucks. Gone. All the second chances gone. And you are alone.

This is “now” and you can’t play the ‘next time’ card or ask the next second chance to come on in. You can’t say “uhm … can you wait a minute?” <until one of the second chances comes back from the bathroom>.

Nope.

Its now or never.

And this gets even trickier because while I suggested a line of second chances typically hangs out outside your door — they don’t really stand around. You just kind of envision, and hope, they are hanging around.

What that means is this is a judgment call on your part.

Now. If it helps the anxiety wracking your body at the moment, the odds are with you. Life DOES give you a shitload of second chances and timeouts and next times. Probably more than you could ever use in a lifetime as a matter of fact.

But that’s not the point.

This is about the moment when the odds say “oops … none of them available.” It says “now or never”. Life walks right on up to you and says … ‘what’s your call?’

I would note that recognizing this moment is actually a judgment call – judgement as in actually recognizing all the second chances are gone and ‘this is it.’ Yup. Life doesn’t say (in an aside whisper) … “Hey, just so you know, this is one of those no time out, no second chance, no next time moments.”

(sorry about that)

You just gotta know. I guess the point of this is to remind everyone that while Life is extremely generous in giving time outs and second chances, there are going to be now or never moments.

And you have to be prepared for them.

And do your best to recognize them.

And make a call.

Oh. And, I imagine, it is also important to recognize afterwards, if you fucked up and didn’t see it, that it was a ‘now or never’ moment. That is important because … well … you cannot undo or go back or ask for a second chance. Yup. There is no going back, or undoing, or even a glimpse of a ‘do-over.’ Because, well, it was a now or never moment.

It is done with you and you are done with it.

It is gone.

Move on.

Don’t beat yourself up (wasted energy).

Don’t try and fix it.

Live & learn.

It sucks but, trust me, more often than not you will get another ‘now or never’ opportunity again one day <whether you want it or not>

And … at that moment … remember … “sometimes there is no next time” because it pays to recognize one of these moments when they arise. It pays because, uhm, now or never moments tend to matter.

“I don’t think that people accept the fact that life doesn’t make sense. I think it makes people terribly uncomfortable. “

David Lynch

——-

“Compromising dreams for the stunning reality of life. 🙁 “

mnmsnickers <twitter>

——-

Well. I almost called this ‘playing the game.’ Shit. I almost called this ‘scaring the world.’

“Scare the world: Be exactly who you say you are and tell the truth.”
The Shock of Honesty

When I think about this I think about hollow spaces and empty people.

Why?

Well. Compromising the wrong way, playing the game as it were, is all about filling a hollow space with empty people <or an empty job or an empty anything>.

But let’s step back a second.

Once you know what you are good at, maybe even have a clear sense of what attaining your ‘dream’ would be you kind of have a tendency to think all you had to do now was sort out the finer details.

Compromise?

Play the game?

The words never enter your heads.

Unfortunately we soon discover that life has other plans for us. I say that fairly sure that most of us do not grow up truly believing they could have it all — all as in a great job, a viable bank balance, a perfect relationship. But I do believe all of us grow up thinking ‘big things’ for ourselves.

Call them dreams.

Call them simply being better <or going farther> than our parents.

Call it hope for a good Life.

And no matter how we grow up I tend to believe all of us find that reality is very different than what we imagined or hoped. This is where we learn the concept of compromise. Learning to compromise is okay if it brings you back down to earth but not okay if it means compromising how good you can be.

The difficult part comes in trying to play the game.

What do I mean?

Well.

You take a job because you have to.

You take a job because it ‘gets you in.’

You say something like this … ‘doing this isn’t something I would have considered before … but I have to believe that I’m bettering my chances.’

Ah.

‘Bettering your chances.’

Playing the game.

Managing your hope.

I will say from personal experience that after what seems like a zillion psychological tests in interview processes and maybe more zillions of seemingly endless resume ‘revisions to customize to specific companies and perceived needs’ and managing hope after what may seem like an eternity of unsuccessful job submissions, I have figured out all that really matters is the core. Core as in who you are and telling people what they are gonna get.

But that’s me. I won’t play the game.

Ok. How about there are certain things in the game that I will not play.

Look. I do know that research shows that compromising early on <maybe when you first hit the job market or maybe simply as you enter adulthood out of teens> hopes are in their most nascent and fragile form and they can easily be trampled upon with devastating consequences to our self-confidence and self-esteem.

Maybe worse? It attacks your belief not in yourself, but in society and the structure you have prospered in up to this point.

My fear in today’s business world is that in seeking employment or even working within an organization we are constantly asking ourselves what we can do without and becoming masters in what I would call ‘psychological constructive compromise.’ Unfortunately it is actually destructive compromise. It destroys how good you can be.

Maybe better said it destructs real expectations of yourself.

Real expectations, the ones colored with some Life experience which are not sky-high and tainted with any sense of entitlement, are being challenged intellectually, financially or emotionally as now being thought of out of reach.

Huh? Out of reach? Being who you are and being good at what you do?

That is crazy.

And therein lies how ‘playing the game’ is simply a destructive game and one which I am surprised businesses and other ‘game managers’ allow to be played.

Let me be specific <because this is what got me thinking about this>.

Customizing your resume as you apply for a job.

I know … it sounds reasonable from a 40,000 foot perspective. But <and I will talk about odds later> most times we are customizing in ways that take a square peg of information and place it into a round hole of perceived need.

That’s playing the game.

Mostly because most employers are too lazy to see anything but ‘something that fits the round hole I have.’ And the prospective employee is simply thinking ‘once I get in I can be the fabulous spectacular square peg that I am.’

Simplistically you are playing the game to get in the game.

This is ludicrous. It looks ludicrous even as I type it.

Look. We all need to be taught to keep expectations in check. But in doing so we need to be sure … really sure … that our compromising isn’t simply a dismissal of our dreams to play the game. A dose of reality can be like a slap in the face. Uhm. Ok. Maybe more like an uppercut to the jaw. But sometimes you have to learn to take the punches.

And maybe give a couple back.

But you have to make some choices.

Hard choices.

No matter what anyone tells me I just cannot see how customizing your resume or ‘saying the right words’ or, well, whatever you are being told to do to get a job or get the dream actually increases the odds.

In fact I would suggest in the end it decreases the odds of getting what you really want <longer term>.

Well. The bottom line on anything to do with ‘odds’ is that … the odds suck.

Bottom line.

The odds suck.

Why? Life is playing its game <even if a business or other people are trying to ‘game the system’> and you have to figure out which player you are truly playing against. I am not suggesting you should avoid considering anyone who is actually in the game. Just who is more important than another.

Why? Because you need to ask what is at stake in the real game’.

Because the one and only answer is … you.

Or what some people call ‘the authentic you’ <strip away the authentic bullshit and it just being true to yourself in a genuine way>.

——-

“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen. “
Brené Brown

——–

The “authentic you”. I just call it ‘me.’ No fancying up with adjectives. You sometimes have to draw a line with regard to ‘me.’ And yes … this line drawing comes with consequences.

But all line drawing does.

You just have to identify what is non negotiable, i.e., what are you not willing to compromise on? In other word, find the pieces of your life vision & your character … that you want beyond all certainty. These are non-negotiable features you are not prepared to give up for anything.

While I am certainly a dreamer type, or maybe it is that I love hope, I will admit that this exercise can incorporate some foundational basic life aspects. Things beyond ‘being passionate with what I do’ <which I actually believe is useless tripe> like being a loving mother or father … or traveling regularly or checking something off on your adventurous things to do on your list of things to do.

That said.

Compromising in this type of thinking invariably comes down to what you don’t mind forsaking in return for having something else. And, in general, we suck at this type of assessment. We are typically to hopeful or ‘positive thinking’ in our assessment.

“If I take this job I can show them I actually deserve this other thing.’

Yeah. Well. It typically doesn’t work that way. The whole idea of negotiating or compromising on a dream or ‘how good you think you can be’ is a challenging reality. And it is even more challenging when you incorporate the concept that I strongly dislike … the term ‘be realistic.’

I am not overly materialistic so I can focus on other things <and everyone needs to think about that aspect>.

I have at least a thread of altruism so I am okay with pursuing some self desires <and everyone needs to think about that aspect>.

Therefore. It kind of seems to me when thinking about playing the game — why should I compromise being the best I can be when some people don’t even seem to be trying to be the best they can be <for themselves or for others>?

To be clear on being as good as you can be. It is not simply waking up every day, stretching, looking at yourself in the mirror <possibly with fist raised in the air> saying something like “I know I want to achieve adventure and fulfillment in everyday life.”

My own vision for life is fairly clear. And I admit that it has changed and evolved over time. And I imagine that is quite similar to most people. I also admit that it seems to get clearer every day as I figure out what’s important to me.

I know that I challenge myself to be even better. Every day as a matter of fact.

Yup.

Every.

Single.

Day.

That’s because being better or the best you can be is a work-in-progress thing. As for compromising or ‘playing the game’? I know the type of organizations and people I want to be a part of and to surround myself with. I will not apologize for how I choose to survive.

“You never need to apologize for how you chose to survive.”
Clementine von Radics

Oh. And by survive … I don’t mean putting food on the table … I mean character. A lot of people will argue with me on this topic.

A LOT.

They will suggest <with some truth by the way> I am not being realistic. And you know what? They may be right. But it is the line I have drawn for myself.

I don’t want to hollow myself out in some empty job. And that is what empty jobs do — hollow the guts out of you. Strangle your soul and character bit by bit. I would rather starve my body than starve my character.

I would rather … “scare the world … and be exactly who you say you are and tell the truth.”

The stunning realities of Life force everyone to do several things.

Everyone needs to learn the line they will draw.

Everyone needs to recognize where compromise is done and ‘me’ is defined.

“Maybe who we are isn’t so much about what we do, but rather what we’re capable of when we least expect it.”

Jodi Picoult

———-

“After all, our lives are but a sequence of accidents – a clanking chain of chance events. A string of choices, casual or deliberate, which add up to that one big calamity we call life.”

Rohinton Mistry

———-

So, I tend to believe we measure ourselves by what we expect of ourselves when … well … we have expectations of ourselves.

But.

If this big ‘calamity we call Life’ is simply a sequence of accidents … a chain of chance events … maybe we should be measuring ourselves by what we are capable of when we least expect it.

I feel confident suggesting this because most of us are capable of a shitload.

Yet. Most of us give ourselves a shitload of criticism for not meeting expectations when we expect to do something.

Yet. Most of life is a shitload of unexpected things.

It would be nice if Life acted upon the same principle as the programming technology industry: the principle of least astonishment. In other words, if some key technology feature has a high astonishment factor <the surprise factor> they immediately conclude it may be necessary to redesign the feature. The design should match the user’s experience, expectations, and mental models <in other words … surprises are bad>.

Well. Unfortunately Life doesn’t work that way.

And neither do we. Life astonishes us on a fairly consistent basis and we astonish ourselves on a far equal amount of the time.
Least expected typically refers to something that is the least likely <or most unlikely> to happen. And yet what we do, what we are capable of, in these least expected moments are actually the least unexpected. Because least unexpected refers to something that is the least unlikely <or most likely> to happen and, yet, it is incredibly likely we are more than capable.

In our heads, and often in our words, unlikely or unexpected get jumbled up with least likely and least expected and in all the jumbledness the result ends up as, well, actually the least unexpected.

<don’t worry … my head started getting confused & hurting when I wrote that>

I would suggest that what we are capable of when we least expect it is typically pretty frickin’ amazing.

In the unplanned calamity of Life we make choices … and in a least unexpected way we do pretty fucking well. Remember this:

———

“Adventures do occur, but not punctually.”

E.M. Forster

———

Life is not punctual. Nor is Life planned ahead of time.

Life is often one big calamity. The only thing we can expect of Life is the unexpected.

The least unexpected thing? What we are capable of. Who we are is not just defined by what we do <in general>, but rather what we do in the unexpected calamity of Life. The choices we make in the unexpected chain of moments that make up most of Life. To paraphrase Chekov:

Any idiot can ‘do’ in the expected moments.

The measure of a person is truly found in what you do in the unexpected moments.

At some point in our lives pretty much all of us have had a little bit of ‘I want to save the world’in us. Of course, that was before the world & Life beat it out of us and suggested that maybe we aim a little lower.

Ok.

A lot lower.

Well. The world, and Life, was, and is, wrong. This is one of those things we should never have beaten out of us.

Let me repeat.

NEVER let it get beaten out of you.

Let me tell you why this may be one of the most important things we should pay attention to.

There is no lack of problems in today’s world.

There is no lack of people who need saving.

There is no lack of ideas that need saving.

And let’s be clear … you do not need an “everything is fucked and we’re all going to die” attitude to see this.

It just is.

Its quite possible when you do ponder this it may appear easier to just say “I need to focus on my own happiness” .

Well. Research has shown over and over again that our true happiness and self worth is attained when we aspire to being dynamic beyond our own purpose <be part of something bigger than just ‘me’>. Our happiness is actually more like ‘meaningfulness’ and meaningfulness is most likely achieved when our purpose isn’t about us (self), but rather investing energy in just making things better. There are a number of people who I highly recommend (Zach Mercurio, Perry Timms, Gustavo Razzetti, Dr. Jason Fox) who will speak to this thought with research and psychological underpinnings.

I take a simple approach to the topic.

Here is a Life truth.

Life can suck if you let it.

And things will always remain sucky if you let it.

You can either do something or not do something. And you can do some important things or you can do unimportant things.

That’s the gig. Simple as that.

But here is what I can tell you for sure. Doing something … and doing important things … gives meaning & purpose and all that Maslow stuff which makes you feel self-value. In other words, in a world that may suck or at least may appear to suck <and has some obvious sucky things about it>, if you choose to try and save the world in some way you will not suck.

You don’t have to save the world all at once. You can start saving small … a penny at a time. All you gotta do is choose any frickin’ penny you see lying on the ground <that’s a bad metaphor for ‘some issue’ by the way>.

Just pick a problem and start saving the world one penny at a time. Before you know it you will have made a dollar difference … and maybe more if you are really lucky.

There are so many to choose from you cannot go wrong in saving the world … you can start saving at any time in fact.

Will you solve it? Most likely not.

Will you contribute to the solution? Most likely yes.

Most importantly … will you make a difference? Yes.

Like small pebbles dropped in a pond the ripple reaches much much farther than you can see from where you stand.

And you know what?

You will feel better about yourself. Even if you are only one penny richer at the end of the day … well … you are richer.

So, maybe, rather than falling in love with yourself or investing in ‘being resent’ or even actively seeking to make yourself happy, you might do well to get to work on solving the problems that prevent the world from being truly exceptional. You become richer by making the world around you a richer place to live.

By the way.

If along the way you are the only person you save … well … you have done good, kid.

“When we first met … you asked me a question to which I gave a stupid answer, you asked me whether I wanted to live and I said “Yes.“

Actually, Miss Page, I want more, much more. I want to create, to make something big out of something little.”

–

Boris Lermontov

===================

Ah.

Maybe I am cynical.

Maybe I am simply becoming a curmudgeon.

Maybe I am actually right on this topic.

I think pop psychology makes us lazy with regard to how we view life. We are encouraged to ‘be positive’ and ‘live life to its fulllest’ and be happy we are alive. Pretty much nice sounding pabulum. Pretty much useless advice.

It is also sometimes suggested that Life is big & full, therefore, living it fills up so much space and time that if you do just that … live it … you should be satisfied because, what the hell, there isn’t a whole lot more room for anything else because it is so big & full just by living it. This seems to suggest that simply living life, and making it through life, is some achievement in and of itself.

Well.

Maybe we shouldn’t look at Life, in itself, as something so big & full that there isn’t room for anything else.

Maybe Life is littler than we think. Little moments. Little experiences. Little people. Little lies. Little truths. Little color. Little things that make up what we call our current Life.

Maybe we should want more.

No. No maybe. We should want more … much more.

We should want to create. Create something. And I don’t mean make something, but rather create, fashion, something big out of something little.

This is probably the one place in our sometimes self indulgent world where I wish more of us actually weren’t comfortable with what we have … and wanted more.

Instead of settling we want more. Instead of settling for what is we want more of what could be.

We want to make something big out of something little.

Oh. About “little.” The truth is most of Life is made up of little things. Therefore, if you don’t do anything else but live it … well … in the end i imagine you live a little life. I’m fairly sure no one wants to purposefully live a little Life so maybe we should desire to make something big out of something little.

Maybe we should embrace the thought we are all architects of our own lives.

Maybe we should purposefully seek to build something big.

Maybe the pursuit of “what could be” is Purpose in and of itself.

Maybe ‘much more’ isn’t things but rather doing things that make little big.

You don’t understand irony, or ethnicity, or eccentricity, or poetry, or the simple joy of being a regular at the diner on your block.

I love that.

You don’t drink coffee or alcohol. You don’t over eat. You don’t cry when you’re alone. You don’t understand sarcasm. You plod through life in a neat, colorless, caffeine free, dairy free, conflict free way.

I’m bold and angry and tortured and tremendous and I notice when someone has changed their hair part, or when someone is wearing two very distinctly different shades of black or when someone changes the natural temperament of their voice on the phone.

I don’t give out empty praise.

I’m not complacent or well-adjusted.

I can’t spend fifteen minutes breathing and stretching and getting in touch with myself.

I can’t spend three minutes finishing an article.

I check my answering machine nine times every day and I can’t sleep at night because I feel that there is so much to do and fix and change in the world, and I wonder every day if I am making a difference and if I will ever express the greatness within me, or if I will remain forever paralyzed by muddled madness inside my head.

I’ve wept on every birthday I’ve ever had because life is huge and fleeting and I hate certain people and certain shoes and I feel that life is terribly unfair and sometimes beautiful and wonderful and extraordinary but also numbing and horrifying and insurmountable and I hate myself a lot of the time.

The rest of the time I adore myself and I adore my life in this city and in this world we live in.

This huge and wondrous, bewildering, brilliant, horrible world.”

=

Jessica, from Kissing Jessica Stein

——–

Well. I love this monologue pulled from Kissing Jessica Stein.

I love that it sounds like she is a disaster, but it really reflects the complexity residing in, well, any and all of us.

What do I mean? I believe that within each of us resides a kaleidoscope of fragmented pieces of different people and feelings and likes & dislikes. And all of these things swirl around viewing the world from a variety of perspectives.

All of which tends to end up muddling things in our heads and make us question whether we are being the best we can be.

And if we question whether we are at our best then we certainly question whether we are making a difference.

Yeah. There is an inextricable link between those two things.

Yeah. We don’t make that connection enough.

Hmmmmm. Maybe that is why the world is so brilliant … and bewildering.

Brilliant in that we can see the change that can, and could, be. In us and in the world.

That is called Hope.

Bewildering in that because aligning our ‘best’ to when we can actually make a difference <which is a moment that occurs significantly less often than you would imagine> is sometimes difficult to see and experience.

That creates something called Despair.

And therein lies the huge & wondrous & bewildering & brilliant & horribleness of the world … the constant tug of war between hope & despair. That may sound extreme … if not poetic and possibly even too philosophical … but if you think about it … our moments in life are far too often simply defined by feelings of hope <for something better> or despair <that the moment wasn’t the best it could, or should, have been … and maybe it never will be>.

I tried to think of an example of the constant tug between the bewildering & brilliance … that almost irreconcilable angst of hope clashing with despair … and then I found this:

——-

bookmad:

do you ever just think about how shitty you are compared to other writers and give up hope?

Step 1.

Go on goodreads

Step 1.

Look up any book you think is worthy of 5 stars, look at the break down of the star rating.

Someone, somewhere thought that book was a 1 star.

Step 2.

Now go to a book you rate as 1 star.

Again go to the break down… I bet someone has rated it 5 star worthy.

Step 3.

Stop being so hard on yourself.

Someone will love what you’ve written.

Yes, it’s important to be proud of what you’re doing, but I guarantee you are being too hard on yourself.

——-

Lastly. To be clear. The huge and wondrous and horrible bewildering brilliant thing is not really the world. It is us. It is our heads.

We each hold a desire to be huge & wondrous & as brilliant as we can be. In feeling that we naturally get tugged between hope & despair all the while struggling between them in the infiniteness of a relatively indifferent world chuckling at our attempts.

I do tend to believe everyone, at least a little, longs for something big. That is simply being human. Yet most of us are taught day after day after day to collect wood and do tasks. Wood?

—–

If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up people to collect wood and don’t assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

—–

Yeah. The world, society, business, our managers, are more likely than not to encourage us, and focus us, on collecting wood (metaphor for ‘doing’, tasks and “the grind” type stuff). However, most of us long for the immensity of the sea.

That conflict can often make life be quite bewildering and, worse, we can often look like a disaster to ourselves.Oh. And there will never be a lack of people ready to point out that disaster.

Ignore them.

Just appreciate the irony, the absurdity, the chaos, the huge & brilliance & wondrous aspects of the world.

Adore it and embrace it.

You will not only be a little calmer about shit, but you most likely will not actually be a disaster and, if you work hard, get a little lucky, you may get to enjoy the immensity of the world.

“At the end of the day, we have to value ourselves as more than just an image.

An image is just an image. If you want more, look deeper within.

Are you a good friend? A kind companion? How do you treat others?

Those are the things that are a better definition of beauty.’

—-

Sara Ramirez

===============

I imagine all of us want to be seen by everyone as ‘something.’ In my mind this ‘something’ isn’t fame or some high falutin’ title or even being rich, instead, its to be recognized characteristically as something. This is not something shallow, but something a little deeper that defines you. Yes. I think we all want, in some degree, to be recognized for character, not some material or tangible thing.

That said. This means, in reality, driving toward that ‘something’ is incredibly fairly innocuous & incredibly difficult to define in a way everyone knows what good is and what bad is. The ‘something’ will vary from person to person meaning a shitload of us want to be seen as smart, or well rounded, or beautiful, or funny, or … well … pick your personal poison.

I could suggest that is kind of a shallow something.

Okay.

I will.

That is a shallow ‘something.’

And what makes that shallow worse is that by making that a fairly significant portion of how we choose to define ourselves we spend an inordinate amount of time & energy planning for ‘someday’ when that ‘something’ is played back to us as our defining characteristic.

Uhm.

Well.

If you are not careful … someday stealthily sneaks up on you as ‘today … and then yesterday … and then day by day it just becomes your Life.

Unfortunately Life is not just an image.

Unfortunately Life is ultimately not that shallow.

Unfortunately you have to leave the shallow end of the pool at some point and venture into the deep end in order to find … well … value.

Despite what marketing & advertising & branding folk may suggest, image is not everything and image does not equal any meaningful value.

Despite what Instagram suggests, image is not everything and image does not equal any meaningful value.

This doesn’t mean it isn’t tempting nor does it mean society doesn’t spend an inordinate amount of energy trying to convince you image matters.

But the truth is image without substance is simply a façade … a mask.

I can unequivocally state that the number of people who can maintain an entire life behind a mask is minuscule. It is extremely difficult to maintain that façade for an entire Life. It is like trying to play out an act … forever. Someone can do it for a while and fewer can figure out how to build the trappings which can hold the act together, but to hold all of that together for a Lifetime takes some luck, some clever skills, some bravado to appease the cynics & skeptics and, ultimately, some ability to keep the lack of substance out of the spotlight & questioning.

Suffice it to say … it takes a lot of work to wear a mask an entire Life.

And maybe that is my larger point.

We all want to eventually be seen as ‘something.’ And we all would prefer that something be of value to those who recognize it and of value to our self-worth.

That means.

If you are not careful you can spend a significant portion of your Life chasing some definition, some ‘something’ you are recognized by — that has little or no real value to oneself.

By the way. I am not suggesting this is easy. Society encourages shallowness. It can do so in a variety of ways but the main way is simple – measurement.

The shallowest ‘somethings’ are easy to see, easy to assess and easy to measure versus either society standards or versus others. Likes, followers, being labeled an ‘influencer’ or, heck, even earning some ‘label’ which could be construed as approval are all measurements which make the shallow aspects of Life more tangible.

The deepest ‘somethings’ – good, soul, character, integrity … shit like that — are difficult to measure and, frankly, the definition is earned over time and with consistent behavior. You cannot expect instant gratification, at least external gratification, if you pursue a ‘deeper something.’ In other words, you are less likley to gain the visible rwards in as large a quanitty versus pursiing more shallow value.

Sigh.

Well. Here is what I know:

“At the end of the day, we have to value ourselves as more than just an image.

An image is just an image. If you want more, look deeper within.

Image is just an image.

How about this.

Image is like masturbation.

A deeper something is like making love.

I tend to believe we all want more.

We all want that kind of self-value that is deeper.

We all want more than just an image.

….. impact of Warehouse of Images (before Instagram existed) …..

It is a Life truth that Image is seductive. And, in fact, this is where technology has made Life more difficult. As Alvin Toffler pointed out in Future Shock before the internet our visual comparisons were limited by the sphere of physical contact with external interspersed creating a semi-controlled universe of ‘standards.’ With the advent of the internet Toffler warned us the sphere would increase exponentially which would be additional psychological pressures upon people they had not faced before. I would argue he was prescient and much of the social pressure young people feel today is driven by a larger universe in Instagram, Facebook, etc. of unrealistic comparisons.

The good news? Shallow pursuit of personal value is, well, shallow. And most of us, given the opportunity to pursue a deeper more meaningful value will choose that path.

We find that path attractive because, well, it is a Life truth that if you want more than image, and look deeper within for that ‘something’, you will find a better definition of yourself.

“Understanding why was more interesting than understanding who. The story of why things are the way they are is heartbreakingly beautiful.”

———

Keegan Allen

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Ok. This is a lot about some harsh business truth (a good idea shouldn’t be implemented if it isnt a good fit for a business) as well as a different business perspective on a different “Why” and why this perspective matters.

I admit. I chafe a little on the Simon Sinek “people buy your Why”thought mostly because I believe it is the wrong “Why” question. His Why is a slightly misguided and oft misused Purpose Why. My Why gets to the core of what makes a business a business – its soul not its Purpose. By the way. This ‘soul’ can be an amalgamation of some wacky adopted bad things (beliefs, process, systems) and good things (loyalty, heart, integrity, beliefs).

Regardless. Yeah. I am one of those wacky business people who will listen for hours to stories about why things are the way they are at a business. Even wackier? I am not one of those business people who act surprised when I hear all the “why it is what it is” stories.

Many people want to hear about the people.

Many people want to hear about the ideas … or even what someone thinks or what they want.

Many people want to let others talk about whatever they want to talk about.

All of that is well and good. But me? Give me the story of “why the voodoo you do is done this way.”

I am actually surprised more businesses don’t ask that question or are as curious about it. I am surprised because if you know the ‘why’ you at least have a fighting chance of offering something doable & constructive. In fact. While many business people shake their heads over all the crazy “why shit happens” stories the truth is … well … that crazy stuff actually offers the truth. The ‘why’ gives us reality. Bad reality sometimes? Sure. But reality nonetheless.

Far too often we offer business folk offer solutions, and many times really good solutions, which are simply non practical for the business and people we are offering it to. Crazy as it sounds … not every business can implement a good idea. In fact trying to implement a good idea in a business whose “why it is” doesn’t align with the idea more often than not creates a nightmare idea.

A business is a business. It comes with all the warts and positives gained throughout the years.

To be clear.

Yes. I like to hear the objective.

Yes. I absolutely love to hear the vision <assuming someone actually has one>.

But when push comes to shove while all that stuff is fine and dandy, but if you don’t know why things are the way they are or why that objective hasn’t been attained yet or why that vision has been sitting on some shelf collecting dust for several years, you are screwed. You are screwed because “why things are the way they are”, 99% of the time, have a reason. You may not like the reason, or reasons, but it is a reflection of reality.

It doesn’t mean you cannot change some of the whys.

It doesn’t mean you can’t jump, side step or tunnel under some of the whys.

But why shit is the way it is reflects the realities of that particular business. And you either have to face that fact or ignore at your own peril. Ignoring it most likely means whatever great idea you are offering that business is doomed.

I cannot tell you how many really good ideas I have seen die because they just didn’t take into account the ‘why things are the way they are’ in that business. It is the amateur business consultant who suggests that ‘with the proper internal alignment initiative we can get this idea up & running to the benefit of the business’ for a businesses. They are amateurs because they assume you can reshape all the “why it is” to make it fit the idea.

I don’t think I am that smart, but suffice it to say I am fairly sure most experienced business people can see good solutions for any business fairly quickly once they get up to speed on that business and its situation.

Most people can do that.

But solutions are not all round pegs and businesses are not all round holes. I cannot tell you how many really good solutions I have tossed in the trash simply because they would never be implemented by the business it would have been really good for. Suffice it to say … a lot.

I would note that the opening quote resonated with me mostly because of the last thing I just wrote.

It is heartbreaking to sit in some business meeting and you have the great solution right there at your fingertips and you know after listening to the ‘why things are the way they are’ stories you have to leave it right there on the table and shove it somewhere into some unlabeled folder.

That doesn’t mean you can’t come up with something else that helps. But, oh, it is heartbreaking when the best solution is just not doable.

What helps me get over it?

Maddening or not I find the ‘why things are the way they are’ stories beautiful — beautifully tragic, beautifully fortunate, beautifully doomed and beautifully hopeful. And I think it helps me better find the “beautiful solution.”

In the end … business is almost always a beautiful struggle between “why it is what it is” and “what I would like to do.”

All that said.

Yes. Some “why shit is done this way” should be dismantled. But for today, at this time and on this topic, people should sit back and ponder the thought most businesses need to get shit done now and not dismantle shit now & get shit done later. Ponder that because many of us who get businesses “unstuck” (consultants) cannot afford to offer unusable great ideas to functionally dysfunctional (companies with quirks) businesses. Our job is to elevate them. Sometimes this means holding a great idea that is right for their business until you can figure out how to make the organization right for the idea. Until then? You develop a beautiful idea matched to the beauty of the organization that exists.

How can emptiness be so heavy? When I saw this ‘six word story’ I stopped. It is one of those thoughts so incredibly obvious yet so insightful and so simple … you have to think.

How can something not there, like emptiness or empty space, carry something tangible?

How can emptiness, nothing, be so much of a something?

——-

“We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing.”

Charles Bukowski

——-

Well. The truth is Emptiness is a burden. A heavy burden.

And emptiness really isn’t nothing. It is made up of, well, a lot of stuff. It is a hole filled with the remnants of everything left behind. Of all things gone but not forgotten. This could include regrets, memories, past decisions and even people no longer there.

If you think about it, all the things that have touched our lives could reside in this emptiness. Paradoxically, their absence may mean that their presence is gone yet their figurative weight, their gravitas, remains.

——

“Sometimes you can only feel something by its absence. By the empty spaces it leaves behind. “

Gayle Forman

——–

I imagine I could offer up some flippant trite suggestions on how you can put your emptiness on a diet. Thoughts on ‘how to shed the unwanted weight.’ Or maybe suggest we think about all the silly things we do and feel which create the weight in things that are, frankly, not really there.

I will not.

——-

“You can decorate absence however you want ― but you’re still going to feel what’s missing.”

Siobhan Vivia

——

I will not because I tend to believe emptiness will always be heavy. It will always be heavier than it should as well as heavier than we probably want. Suffice it to say emptiness = weight. Therefore, if you feel some emptiness you will be burdened with some weight. Conversely, no emptiness, no weight.

I will only suggest that we become better at carrying that weight — the burden. The emptiness will always remain <albeit we may fill it with some things which decorate the emptiness in things that make it a little less apparent> and we just learn to carry it better.

I apologize if that sounds ‘less than positive’ or not enough of a ‘here is how to shed emptiness’ type advice but, pragmatically, I tend to believe emptiness isn’t something that goes away. If something has earned emptiness status, in that it was important enough that you felt its absence, I hesitate to believe it will magically waft away like smoke.

Emptiness is simply more substantial than smoke. Emptiness is more substantial than nothingness.

Anyway.

How can emptiness be so heavy? Because that which makes up emptiness is something. In fact. Typically a bunch of somethings that matter.