Or, thankfully, the fact that, unlike your nightmarish experience of finding five Eastern European armed robbers in your luxurious Eighth Arrondissement suite, then being roughed up by them and locked tied up in the bathroom while they bagged your entire jewellery case, I managed to beat off the single woman attacker who rang my door bell.

Watch | See the hotel where Kim Kardashian West was robbed at gunpoint

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Kim’s robbers at least had fake police ID to fool her concierge. I had stupidly opened the door one afternoon to find a slim woman in biker leathers on my landing. She said she had a package for me, and shoved a perfectly believable sheaf of documents to sign to prove her claim.

The next thing I knew, I was shrieking blue murder while she repeatedly butted me with her full-face helmet. "Au secours! Au secours!" I bellowed while she tried to muzzle me, simultaneously punching me in the ribs and shoving me back into my flat. My overriding feeling was of flabbergasted surprise, a sensation of nightmarish unreality mixed with fury that this cow thought she could get away with knocking me out and helping herself to my things. I knew I had to keep screaming – as for fighting back, that was sheer instinct.

I think it was mostly the noise that made her flee, and perhaps the unpleasant surprise that not everyone who opens their door in a quiet street off the Champs-Elysées is a little-old-lady pushover.

Shaken and shaking, I got back inside and called the police, who duly showed up 20 minutes later, kind but unperturbed, and in due course sent me to the Médecine Judiciaire's Special Victims Unit at Hôpital de l'Hôtel-Dieu near Notre Dame, the only place officially mandated to assess the damage.

The stranger thing was that at the unit, my cracked rib and multiple head bumps were treated almost as an afterthought: what seemed to be everyone's overriding concern was the deep psychological damage that I had to be suffering. I was urged no fewer than four times by various people in white coats to go and receive counselling from the shrinks. It was no use objecting that I was fine, really. "But I won the round!" I protested.

I could see on their faces that this was only proof of how disturbed I was . "You can get compensation from the state," I was advised. Compensation for what? Sécurité Sociale picked up my medical bills, nothing was stolen, and unlike poor Kim, I still bask in the mild sense of achievement at having driven off the invading horde of one.

All the same, both attacks took place within a mile of one another. Kim, I bet you felt as offended as I did when Madame Hidalgo, instead of commiserating with your Fashion Week plight, protested that this was “a very rare occurrence” happening in “a private place”, i.e. Not Her Problem.

The truth is that there’s been a presidential gleam in Madame Hidalgo’s eye ever since her former close friend François Hollande’s polls started tanking. Her plan is to run on a can-do, no-nonsense record as Paris’s greenest, most social-minded Mayor to date – and the capital’s first woman leader, too.

The Mayor doesn’t take well being reminded by political opponents that Paris, while not on par with pre-Giuliani New York records, has had 124,196 robberies and 8,673 assault incidents according the last official annual figures. Pickpockets roam the Métro and train stations.

Watch | Karl Lagerfeld: Kim Kardashian 'cannot display wealth then be surprised' when she is robbed

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More specifically, official police figures for 2015 put at one a week attacks exactly similar to Kim Kardashian’s, i.e. “violent armed robberies against individuals in their own home” perpetrated in central Paris alone. Last year, a Saudi princelet’s motorcade was hijacked on the way to Charles de Gaulle airport. The Mayor of the Eighth Arrondissement, Jeanne d’Hauteserre, a Gaullist, piped up to say only last week she had personally been told of three robberies by her constituents. It’s not yet scary to live here (I lived in Manhattan in the 1980s, and I can tell the difference) but it has become a bit unpleasant.

And so I feel for Kim. She was adding to the general glamour of Paris Fashion Week, and spending enough to make a dent in France’s trade deficit. Now she’s back in safe, zero-tolerance New York. Not supporting her is not helping our image one bit at the very time when we’re bidding for the 2024 Olympics.