Friday, September 14, 2012

Cultivating a Healthy Body Image in Children

I hope this doesn't sound preachy or judgmental. It took me a few years of parenting to come up with these opinions, but I thought I'd share them because I think it is an important topic when it comes to parenting. I'd also like to open the door for other parents to chime on in on what rules or methods they use to help cultivate a positive body image in their children.

Teach your children that they
are in charge of their body.

My husband use to tickle my kids until they would squeal and say “No, no, no!”
while giggling. He thought it was funny and I think they liked it, too, but it
bothered me.

I couldn’t put my finger on it until one day when I tried to
explain it to him:

“I want our kids to feel like they are in
charge of what happens to their body. If they are saying “no, no, no” and
someone is still touching them, it takes away their power. I want them to know
that when they say no, the other person should listen. I also want them to
respect other peoples’ ownership of their bodies.”

My husband adjusted his tickle policy and all is well.

I also don’t make my children hug or kiss anyone if they aren’t comfortable with
it. These may seem like trivial small things, but children are very perceptive
and can pick up on the subtlest of messages. Allowing them to have an opinion
about their personal space helps empower them.

Also, make sure you talk to your children about sexual abuse prevention. The "good touch, bad touch, secret touch" approach as discussed in Taylor's book review has made it easier for me to have that conversation with my kids.

Watch
your words.

What words do you use to compliment or uplift your child? When do you lavish
them with attention?

This can be tough. My daughter is so stinkin’ cute, I have a hard time not constantly pointing out how cute and adorable I think she is. I have to consciously use
words that focus on attributes that don’t correlate with physical appearance. I
want her to know that while being cute or pretty might be fun, being smart or
kind or loving is something even better to strive for.

Try not to talk about losing weight in front of your children or degrade your
appearance where they can hear you. I know it is easy to start talking about
your latest diet or body image hang ups when you are with your friends, but I
don’t want my kids to have the words “Skinny” or “fat” in their vocabulary. I’d
rather they use words like “healthy” and “Strong” when talking about their
bodies.

Avoid
sexist remarks or gender stereotypes.

I know this sounds like a no-brainer, but it’s worth pointing out. Don’t use
phrases like “he runs like a girl” or “you’re such a girl” to describe someone
who is uncoordinated or emotional. I want my daughter to know that being a girl
is awesome! I want her to know she can be an Olympic runner if she wants, and
being a girl won’t ever hold her back from that.

Maybe someday "runs like a girl" will be considered a compliment.

Also, if your son loves the color purple, then embrace the fact that he hasn’t
bought into the propaganda that only specific colors belong to each gender. I
love the fact that Apollo will gladly wear his pink striped tie to church
without complaint (he looks so handsome in his salmon-colored dress shirt, too). I’ll
be sad if he ever refuses to wear it because "it’s a girl color". Whenever
someone says pink is for girls we say “colors are for everyone.” My hope is
that my children will learn that, just because the media is telling them how to
dress or what to like, they don’t have to follow.

Be attentive to what kind of Media your
child consumes/ Toys they play with.

There are subtle
messages in even the most innocent-seeming shows. I recently let my daughter
watch “The Little Mermaid.” It was a staple of mine growing up. I loved the
songs and always thought Ariel was so beautiful. But, watching it as an adult I
found things that bothered me. I tried to point out to Sunshine how silly it
was of Ariel to change her body and sell her greatest talent just so she could
get a boy to notice her. I told her that she should never change herself for
anyone. I don’t know if she got it, but I’m hoping it at least made her think. I
still let her watch it, but I won’t hesitate to point out the parts that I
think are dumb. I am really thankful for how the role of females in movies has shifted. Instead of passively waiting to be rescued...

...or not even being conscious....

...the
female characters in more modern movies are empowered. They rescue themselves
and others. They go on adventures and make hard choices.

One of my favorite blogs is Pigtail Pals.It explores the world of toys, clothing, and media that is geared towards our
children. It’s really challenged me to think about what subtle messages my kids
may be picking up on.

Research
shows thatgirls who participate in some kind of sport
experience higher than average levels of self-esteem and lower levels of
depression. Sports participation is associated with reduced rates of body
dissatisfaction and eating disorders.

Young women who
participated in sports were more likely to be engaged in volunteering, be
registered to vote, feel comfortable making a public statement, follow the
news, and boycott than young women who had not participated in sports.

Another story which struck me recently
was the story from Ken Robinson’s TED talk about education and creativity. He mentions the story of Gillian Lynne, the famous choreographer of many musicals including Cats and Phantom of the Opera.

As a child, Gillian was disruptive and unable to sit still in class. She was diagnosed with a learning disorder, and may have been put on medication and spent her life struggling in school if it wasn't for an insightful doctor. Read it here.

When we give our children multiple outlets through which they can
express themselves, they flourish. They can appreciate their body for what it
can do instead of how closely it fits society’s current trends for what is
beautiful.

Call it when you see it.

Pointing out the absurdities can help kids learn to question
the messages they are continually bombarded with. Explain to them what Photoshop is. Show them videos like the one below so they can understand that much of what they see in magazines and billboards does not reflect reality.

How do you empower your children? What has helped you cultivate a healthy body image? Please share your experience and insight. I definitely don't have all the answers and would love to hear from you.

I struggle with body image in part thanks to many comments I heard from family about size/amount eaten at meals/etc. I took a class from an amazingly fit woman a number of years ago who also struggled with the scale. Her trick - no scale. At doctors' offices, she said she turned her back to ignore the number when weighing in. It struck a chord with me; we are so much more than a scale number! I haven't stepped on my scale in years; it's now more a toy for my son then a tool of many sort. I word rather focus on my fitness than on my shape or size. (Though those things do rear their ugly heads now and then still.)