When it comes to parenting girls versus. parenting boys, the “nature versus nurture” debate has been going on for centuries. Are boys and girls inherently different? Or do parents just raise them that way? A survey conducted by Newsweek in 1997 found that 61 percent of parents believe that the differences in boys and girls come from the way they are raised rather than genetics. But the truth is that arguments can be made for both sides. Read on to learn the many facets of parenting boys versus girls.

The Nature DebateStudies have found several profound differences between boys and girls, and the way they respond to their world, beginning at birth. Newborn girls, for example, spend more time maintaining eye contact with adults. As a result, at four months, infant girls are better able to recognize faces. Infant boys, on the other hand, tend to stare just as attentively at a blinking light as at a human face.

Most experts believe that girls reach initial developmental milestones earlier than boys, such as talking, developing hand-eye coordination and controlling their emotions. This latter gender difference is the result of hormones. Baby boys have higher levels of testosterone than girls and lower levels of serotonin, which causes them to be more easily stressed and harder to calm down. Infant girls, on the other hand, show a greater tendency to comfort themselves by sucking their thumbs. Higher levels of testosterone are also responsible for boys’ typically more “aggressive” behavior.

At four years of age, girls seem to be better at interpreting emotions and building relationships, while boys have a better understanding of spatial relationships. There are also notable differences between boys and girls when it comes to language. Research shows that girls tend to develop their verbal skills faster than boys. While girls use words almost exclusively, young boys tend to use words about 60 percent of the time, and substitute noises and sounds the rest of the time (such as machine-gun fire, car-engine sounds and animal growls).

In school-age children, the difference between the sexes is most evident on the playground. For boys, play often centers around winning. Boys tend to play in large groups with structured games that keep score. They thrive on competition and one-upsmanship as each strives to be the leader of the pack.

Girls, however, tend to play in small groups of two to four. They often engage in intimate conversations, listening intently to each other and maintaining eye contact. Their play often centers around building and discussing relationships. Traditionally “female” games, such as jump rope and hopscotch, emphasize group support and sharing (everyone gets a turn).

Some studies show that teenage girls perceive more “stressors” in life than teenage boys, especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships (with family, friends and romantic interests). These studies also show that teenage girls react more strongly to these stressors, and are more likely to experience depression. For example, if a teenage boyfriend and girlfriend have a fight, the girl is more likely to obsess over it, while the boy is more likely to distract himself with an activity.

The Nurture DebateWhile some discrepancies between boys and girls may be inborn, parenting definitely makes a difference – especially parenting boys versus girls according to gender stereotypes. For example, some parents may provide less affection for their young son for fear of turning him into a “mama’s boy.” They may be less quick to comfort him when he makes a mistake or hurts himself, and they may be more lenient when he roughhouses or displays other signs of aggressive behavior. “Boys will be boys” becomes the mantra.

However, studies show that infants and children who do not receive proper emotional support experience mental and emotional developmental problems. This might help explain why many boys reach their developmental milestones later than girls. Parents may be more likely to coo at, talk to, and read bedtime stories to a daughter than a son, which may also explain why girls develop verbal skills earlier than boys.

In contrast, some parents are quick to rush in and help their daughter when she is struggling to complete a task. Only through trying, failing and trying again do children learn to be confident and self-sufficient. Despite their good intentions, when parents deprive their daughters of this learning experience, they teach them to rely on others for help rather than learning to be independent.

Girls may also have a leg-up on boys in the classroom. Since girls develop language and fine motor skills earlier than boys, they tend to do better in elementary school classrooms. To level the playing field, many parents have begun to enroll sons in kindergarten a whole year later.

In addition, many schools have replaced free-play recess with more structured activities that reduce competition. Classroom games are also on the way out as teachers switch the focus to “cooperative activities” in which “everyone is a winner.” While this type of environment is often helpful to girls, studies show that many boys become frustrated and aggressive in competition-free situations.

Some schools, however, seem to be pushing the gender differences theory too far. Especially with the recent push from the Bush administration, many schools are adopting “single-sex” classrooms in which boys and girls are separated by gender. More than 360 classrooms across the United States have adopted this single-sex policy.

One of the strongest arguments in favor of this approach sites the discrepancy between boys and girls in specific subjects, such as math and science (in which boys typically score higher than girls), and reading and language arts (in which girls typically score higher than boys). Many teachers are “compensating” for these differences by allowing girls to turn in science projects that compare cosmetics or letting boys read action novels rather than the literature in the curriculum. Some boys-only classrooms are implementing a “boot-camp” style teaching method that de-emphasizes verbal communication.

The Bottom LineMany experts agree that the best parenting techniques focus on a combination of nature and nurture. Yes, boys and girls are naturally different in several ways, but they should be raised in equally nurturing environments. Both boys and girls need to be taught the same values: empathy, compassion, respect, confidence and independence. Physical aggression should carry the same consequences for both genders, and parents should teach their children alternative ways to problem-solve.

When parenting boys versus girls, keep in mind that every child is different. Parents should observe the way each child expresses him- or herself, and allow each child to explore varying interests. Encourage children to hone their unique gifts, whatever they might be. And remember, all children need affection, support, and – most of all – unconditional love.

Which Type Of School Is Right For Your Child?Are your children happy with their school? Are they reaching their full potential? Are they learning what you believe they should be learning? Whether you need a school for gifted children or are considering home schooling your child, be aware that there are many different school types beyond the traditional choices of public and private. Take this brief quiz and find out which school type is right for your child.