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So here are 50 reasons our quirk and warmth should get us crowned best effing state in the union.

50. Alien-seeking rockets and shit? Yeah, we do those at Cape Canaveral.

49. Greater Miami is the only metropolitan area in the U.S. bordered by two national parks.

48. Saint Augustine is the oldest European settlement in North America. That's right, we even beat those fucking pilgrims at Plymouth.

47. Florida is the only state in the continental U.S. to have extensive coral reefs off its coasts. We make video art about them, and then Adult Swim airs it. We think this is what is referred to as the Krebs cycle.

46. Electrolytes! In your face! No, seriously, have some of our delicious Gatorade. You look thirsty.

45. We said a big F-you to skin cancer and invented sunscreen.

44. We have 663 miles of beaches, some topless ones and a few bottomless.

43. The only natural disasters we have are hurricanes (well, and Canadian tourists), and we can see those coming.

42. Art deco architecture, motherfuckers!

41. Our 1972 Dolphins are still the only undefeated NFL team in history.

40. Florida towns Sweetwater and Gibson were founded by retired carnies and circus freaks. So the bearded lady is, like, our neighbor.

39. Disney World kicks Disneyland's lame ass.

38. We even inspired cranky drunk Ernest Hemingway.

37. Our happy hours include live mermaids. Also, mermaid is a viable career choice in Florida.

36. Go ahead and have sweet tea and grits with your New York-style bagels and lox. Living here is like living in the North and in the South at the same damn time.
35. We are an endless source of facepalms as weird-news capital of the world.

34. Two words: Burt Reynolds. Two more words: mustache ride.

33. Miami is the only major U.S. city founded by a woman.

32. We don't have to worry about getting scurvy and rickets.

31. Our state government lets us keep our money. No state income tax!

30. Our state spawned the well-coiffed Johnny Depp (who went to Miramar High), Tom Petty, and Debbie Harry. We also are the current haven for hipster crooner Cat Power and proto-punker Iggy Pop.

29. Our high school football teams could beat your state's college football teams.

28. See this picture of parrots, orchids, and palm trees? You call that paradise. We call that outside.

27. In Florida, you can snorkel with Jesus and then puke on one of his amusement park rides at the Holyland Experience.

26. Who cares who won the NBA playoffs? LeBron chose us over New York, and that still feels good.

25. Totally unconfirmed, but we like to think our state tops in adult diaper sales.

24. Our town founded by psychics, Cassadaga, inspired a Bright Eyes album.

23. If we called Florida "America's Big Dick," would you hold it against us?

22. Fidel Castro will eventually die. And when he does, we'll pop over to Havana for one-night ragers whenever we flipping feel like it.

21. Florida is the only place in the world you can find alligators and crocodiles living in the same ecosystem. Are you impressed yet?