Monday, May 9, 2011

Why do men behave the way they do?

Calling all women...Have you ever been surprised at the way your significant other behaves-or wished you understood him better? Now you can!

It's been said that men are from Mars, and indeed, according to a recent survey, a whopping 92% of women admitted they are often confused by the way their mates acted-and reacted-to situations and wished they understood their significant others better. Chances are, you're in that number, and if so, keep reading to unravel men's "mysterious" ways--secrets that will help you understand your man better and bring you closer together than ever before.

* WHY HE WON'T TALK WHEN HE'S STRESSED. When you have a problem, you solve it by thinking out loud-right? Women are definitely pre-wired to use speech as a main form of expression, so when problem-solving, they'll typically chatter away-to a friend, relative or spouse-about options and possibilities, people involved and what they need to do. Not men, who studies show do the opposite by talking silently to themselves. You may assume your significant other is clamming up-or even ignoring you-but the truth is, he can only focus on one thing at a time. In fact, MRI scans reveal that men's brains have fewer connecting fibers between the left and right hemispheres and are more compartmentalized overall. And that means when he's using his right brain to try and find solutions to problems, he literally can't use his left brain to listen or speak!

* WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT: Try to find out but he doesn't want you in. Let him be. Give him the solitude and space he craves, and once he's solved his problem-or wants your input-he'll be happy and ready to talk again.

* WHY HE CAN'T READ YOUR MIND: Your girl pals always know when something's bothering you-and you don't even have to say a word. So, how can your sweetie be so clueless? Studies show that while women can quickly detect a range of emotions--both verbal and nonverbal-men are simply not wired with such super-sensory abilities.

* WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT: Tell him exactly what's bothering you. Surveys show that men really do want to please the women they love, but they need you to spell things out for them first-and as clearly and concisely as possible.

* WHY HE HATES GETTING ADVICE: Ever notice how rarely men ask for directions-even when they're hopelessly lost? Men need to feel capable of solving their own problems. In fact, don't be surprised if he gets upset with you for offering solutions to his dilemmas. Naturally, you're only trying to help, but chances are, he'll view your input as criticism and may get upset because it makes him feel incompetent.

* WHY HE LOVES GIVING ADVICE: Of course, when the shoe's on the other foot--and you have a problem--he doesn't hesitate to tell you what to do about it-right? That's because men have problem-solving minds. So, when he continually interrupts you to offer solutions to your problems, he can't help himself. His brain is simply programmed to do so.

* WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT: Keep in mind that your husband's intentions are honorable.

* WHY HES SO BLUNT: Ever tried to get a conversation going with your guy by asking him a simple question--like "How was your day?" Chances are, you got a curt, one-word response-like, "Fine." Studies confirm that men's sentences tend to be short, direct and to the point for a reason. This kind of speech helps close business deals quickly and efficiently. But in intimate relationships, these kinds of responses are not very endearing.

* WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT: Ask better questions. The trick to getting your man to open up is to ask him more open-ended questions. Examples: "What was the best (or worst) part of your day?" or "Tell me all about your visit with your brother, and I want details!" Questions like these help to bring you closer together, because they encourage your significant other to elaborate and open up to you.

* WHY HE OFTEN LOOKS AS IF HE'S NOT LISTENING: Why do men often listen like "statues?" Chalk it up to evolution. The biological objective of the male warrior when listening was to remain impassive, so as not to betray his emotions. In other words, men's lack of visual emotion enables them to feel in control of a situation-it does not mean they don't experience emotions. In fact, brain scans reveal that men feel emotion as strongly as women do, but they avoid showing it.

* WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT: Be gentle with him. His stone face may frustrate you, but lay off the nagging and finger-pointing. Just remember that it's harder for him to talk about his feelings and that he may be afraid of saying the wrong thing. If you're patient and soft-spoken with him, however, he'll feel more comfortable-and far more likely to share his innermost thoughts and feelings with you.

* WHY HE SURFS TV CHANNELS: Surveys reveal this male habit ranks among women's top pet peeves. But what he's really doing is searching for the bottom line in each story. He's also relaxing. By channel surfing, he can forget about his own problems, and look for solutions to other people's.

* WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT: Ignore it. Remember, his forefathers spent more than a million years sitting expressionless on a rock surveying the horizon. So, this comes naturally to him, and he is comfortable doing it.

* WHY HE CAN'T FIND THINGS: How familiar does this conversation sound:

He says: "Where's the book?"
You say: "In the cupboard."
He says: "Well, I'm looking there, but I don't see it."
You say: "Well, it's there. I put it there myself 10 minutes ago."
He says: "No, you must have put it somewhere else. There's definitely no book here."
At that, you head to the kitchen, stick your hand into the cupboard, roll your eyes and hand him the book. Men often feel this is a trick, and they accuse women of always hiding things for them: socks, shoes, underwear, car keys, wallets. They're all there, though; men just can't see them.

* WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT: Blame it on biology. Men's brains, being pre-wired for hunting, see a narrow field. They have to move their heads from side to side and up and down as they scan for 'missing' objects. But because of women's history defending the nest, their brains decode information over a wider peripheral range, and they can see most of the contents of a refrigerator or cupboard without even moving their heads.

*WHY HE HATES SHOPPING: For women, shopping can be rejuvenating and relaxing--even if they don't buy a thing. It's like talking--it doesn't need to have a specific point or objective, and it can take place in an unstructured way over several hours. Twenty minutes or more of this type of shopping, however, drives men bonkers. Why? Because it's not logical and seems to have no purpose.

* WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT: Energize him. If your spouse desperately needs new clothes, there's only one way to motivate him to shop for them. He needs an objective, a target to hit and a timetable. So, give him clear criteria-colors, sizes, brands, styles-and tell him where you will shop and for how long. With clear objectives (even if you've invented them), you'll be amazed at a man's shopping enthusiasm! And who knows? Maybe he'll even buy something sexy for you!