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Monday, March 12, 2012

the man-gagement ring BLOW OFF

Imagine a world where...guys upload pictures of their engagement rings* on their Facebook profiles for their buddies to ooooh and aaaah at. And by guys, I mean straight guys. It's not that farfetched. Apparently, over the last year there's been a new trend of MAN-gagement rings where guys also have to wear a ring to signify they are off the market once they're engaged. Personally, I'm all for this. Back when I was in my early twenties and young and free and living in the NYC a family friend of mine got engaged and his fiancée made him wear a wedding band all through their engagement. At first I thought she was a possessive weirdo, but as I've gotten older and more resentful, I realized this was a totally fair ask on her part.

I got engaged in September 2010 and married in September 2011. That entire year, I wore an engagement ring. And guys notice that shit. And most of them (minus the bartender you will hear about shortly) stop flirting with you. It can be super convenient when said guy is a troll that lives under a bridge, but here and then, when he's actually not bad looking, it kind of bums you out that your ego boost lasts a measly two minutes until they notice you're off the market. However, if my then fiancé walked into a room without me, no one had any clue that he was not single and on the verge of getting married. So unfair! I think both parties, male and female, should have to wear something that signifies they've committed themselves to someone. Apparently, they do in a lot of countries. In South America for instance, men and women traditionally wear rings on their right hands when they're engaged and move them to their left hand once they're married. That's why Michael Buble wore one when he got engaged to Argentine actress Luisana Lopilato.

But does a ring actually make you more attractive to the opposite sex? I first heard about the MAN-gagement ring phenomenon on Real Time with Bill Maher and he said that many of his married friends refer to their wedding bands as the biggest pussy magnet. And by pussy, they mean one with a detrimental case of herpes. I don't get it! Ladies-- are you really that much more attracted to a man if he's married? I was once in Vegas on a work trip and myself and two of my female colleagues were playing black jack...there was this super nerdy guy at the table (think Alan from Two and Half Men). One minute, he had a wedding ring on. The next minute, he didn't. Well, I can't keep my mouth shut. I totally called him out on it and you know what he said? His wife told him before he came to Vegas that she was going to leave him. Wait, it gets worse. I believed him! I don't know, he was just so nerdy and sad that I thought it was totally plausible that his wife was leaving him. BUT that's totally the line he uses. So gross! Even Mr. Nerd feels the need to slip off his ring in the company of young, attractive, professional women-- like anyone of us was going to hook up with him. I guess he didn't get the pussy magnet memo. According to Maher, he was better off keeping the ring on.

And according to my girlfriends, the diamond engagement ring is actually a penis magnet. About six months after I got engaged, I was at a bar having drinks with the bestie, and the bartender was unabashedly flirting with me. And that's not a brag. It was weird. Like I can hold my own with guys and I'm good at witty banter and all, but when it comes to looks, I'm in the "cute" category. Not gorgeous, not pretty, "cute." And I'm fine with that. I like "cute." But my point is, guys don't go all Collin Farrel around "cute." My bestie was convinced it was the engagement ring that did it. Quite honestly, I was a little hurt that she was so sure of that. I mean, maybe he was flirting with me because I'm freaking adorable. Sigh. I guess we'll never know.

So, dudes-- would you be willing to wear a MAN-gagement ring? And ladies, would you want your guy to wear one? Comment below.

*we will devote a future post to women and how psycho they are about engagement rings in the coming weeks. We're trying to stay on topic and for reals, that subject deserves a dissertation all its own.

3 comments:

1. I asked for an engagement ring, motivated by equality and a sense that "both" would go over a lot better than "neither." After I gave Mrs. K-sky her ring, she pointed out potential engagement rings to me, none of which I liked. Finally she gave up and bought me a big bag full of Latin percussion instruments.

2. When I got married one female friend referred to my ring as a "bitch magnet." Never happened, though.

3. One minute, he had a wedding ring on. The next minute, he didn't. Well, I can't keep my mouth shut. I totally called him out on it and you know what he said? His wife told him before he came to Vegas that she was going to leave him.

Substitute "25th high school reunion" for "Vegas" and you have the story of how my dad got together with my stepmom. (To be fair, it was true.)

Being that I couldn't be farther from engagement, I'd like to know what the more seasoned readers think about the rings in general. Is it for the couple, as a symbol of their commitment to each other, or is it so that the rest of the world knows that one is not available?

I actually find engagement rings pretty unattractive. I mean, yes, I'm all for sparkle, but I just don't find the band and diamond combo aesthetically pleasing. I also have no interest in looking at rings online or at my local mall. I'll probably use the ring selection bullshit of tonight's Bach finale to do something worthwhile like floss, or complete my weekly online banking.

Is this like children? Am I going to have a chemical change during my late twenties that brings me clarity on these issues? Igotsta know.

@Josh, I think you need to write that story about your dad and stepmom for the blow off. Also, I think latin percussion instruments might be even better than a man-gagement ring.

@sassypants, i've never been engagement ring obsessed, i can't say i never looked at rings online. I told the h bomb long before we got engaged that i would never look at rings with him, because i thought it was cheesy. and i never told him what kind of rings i liked, cause i really didn't know. I will say, i do love my ring and i often stare at it, but to me it is more of a happy reminder of the day we got engaged and a reminder of being committed to each other. it's actually a pretty convenient way to get rid of annoying guys too.

about the blow off

We've all been blown off, we've all blown someone off. Share your story: the blow off texts, emails, voice mail messages you've either sent or received to mark the end of a relationship. And if the blow off consisted of a disappearing act, post a missing person's report. Or just read stories about break ups in general.