Thursday, December 03, 2009

Obama Tells Nation He's Going Out For Cigarettes

"Following the unexpected announcement, a solemn Obama reportedly grabbed his keys, hugged his two daughters for what witnesses called an extended period of time, kissed his wife on the forehead, and quietly whispered, "I love you."

Secret Service agents later confirmed that a half-tearing, half-smiling Obama was greeted by Vice President Joe Biden in the White House Rose Garden. Kneeling on the lawn, Obama reportedly told "Big Joe" that he would be in charge of the country for a while, and that the vice president should keep an eye on Iraq and Iran while he was out.

"He'll be back any minute now and everything will be okay again," said press secretary Robert Gibbs, checking his watch. "Maybe the 7-Eleven he went to was out of his brand so he had to go somewhere else. Or maybe he got lost. Or…or maybe he just decided to stop and get some ice cream for everyone and that's why he's not back yet."