Saturday, December 27, 2008

Sponsorship

You know I have a great sponsor today. And I don't call her enough. I first got a sponsor back in 2005 when I first got clean and I thought "wow, this is great this person is awesome and she will be my sponsor forever." And I called her everyday and I did everything she told me to do and I believed what she said and did was so great. She was an NA god to me!!! I remember going to meetings and listening to members share how they have a sponsor but don't use them and I thought, "Well that's stupid" and I thought I had the best sponsor in the world, then I worked some steps and started to think a little clearer, then I started making some decisions, like the kind to go out with someone. And when my sponsor didn't approve I was in trouble. I didn't know what co- dependency was until I came into the program of Narcotics Anonymous and learned. Lessons aren't always easy and I usually don't like learning, because I don't want to learn, I want to know. I am an addict and we want what we want when we want it, or so the saying goes. Well when I fired my first sponsor I found myself right there with all the other members who talked about having a sponsor and not using them. I asked women to be my sponsor and never called them. I agreed to meet with them and then wouldn't go. I must have asked 4 women to sponsor me then finally I got my "real" 2nd sponsor. She lived about an hour away from me but she was magic. Like when I was having an issue and be all upset about anything I would call her and she would bring me right back into reality. Just like magic. Then came the day when she told me I needed a different sponsor. She said honey, your problem is you have to work some steps and we have very conflicting schedules so you need to find someone in town who you can work the steps with. I wasn't so much devastated, but I was a little hurt because I knew she was right. And I knew women in town I just didn't want to ask them. I finally did and that is the sponsor I have today. We still have conflicting schedules but she is a real great listener. And I am lucky to have her. you know I had not called her in over a week until today. I was going to see about getting together with her this week to go over my sixth step but she is going out of town. A close family member is gravely ill, and I had not spoken with her in over a week. I think about how self centered this disease is and it makes me angry. I didn't even call her on Christmas, I am a terrible sponsee!! Sometimes I am just so full of shit that I amaze myself. So just remember to pick up that phone and call someone, it's not all about you today. Someone you know is missing you right now and you don't even know it. So my prayer to myself today will be from the NA daily meditation book; Just for today:I have found a new way to live. Today, I will seek to serve others with love and to love myself.

1 comment:

i don't belong to aa or anything, so i don't know much about the programme of sponsor/sponsee. i'd still say, though, don't beat yourself up over 'loosing' a bit of contact. the christmas holidays are 'abnormal' circumstances and everyone is busy doing what they're doing. so, call today and let go of the guilt. co-denpendency is a b&*%^, i know....

About Me

I am a 38 year old mother of 3. I am also an addict. I have a lot of thoughts and ideas that I feel are important to living life on life's terms. I am also very opinionated on the state of the world today. This blog will help me clear my mind, I hope it will help you too.