Saturday, 19 March 2011

Off My Trolley

Hello.

Having spent over an hour this morning trying to shop online using the newly upgraded Waitrose site, I thought I'd drop you a line to tell you about the problems I encountered. Common sense suggested that all I had to do was tick the select boxes on my product list and then click the 'add to trolley' button, but alas when I did this only two of my selected products were added, in this instance, 4.5kg of new potatoes and a cucumber. Heston Blumenthal and Delia Smith may be able to survive on such meagre rations, but I am a mere mortal with limited cooking ability. It would be true to say that I do have a fondness for a fulsome cucumber, but quite frankly I'd prefer a bit of meat with my two veg.Anyhow, I repeated this exercise numerous times, on Mozilla and Internet Explorer [it sometimes makes a difference], but kept getting a pop-up box telling me to select items.... which is what I thought I had been doing....To cut a tedious story short, I found that the only way I could fill my trolley with more than 4.5kg of new potatoes and a cucumber was to add each item individually, which took about 2 minutes per product, thus making the suggested weekly diet of potato and cucumber relatively appealing.

I look forward to your speedy reply,

Regards,

Ms S. Blue

Apologies to my bloggy friends; I am feeling a little under the weather, but will be back in full force by Monday.

Ms Nurse: Indeed, perhaps it is time to yank on my wellies and do a bit of scrumping down at the allotments.It appears that even the innocent word 'scrumping' has been appropriated by the urban dictionary.

XL: Well you can't. You'll just have to blow up a cucumber and pretend.

Miss Norma: At least you know what you're getting when you fondle your own veg.

Princess: You obviously know how to make a vegetable flourish. Mine always turn out a bit limp.

MJ: Does it know how to make a sausage roll?

Lulu: Does he know what to do with his pork?

Mr Jimmy: Thankfully I have a bunch of bananas left over from last week.

Dave: Tut. It's a misconception that Waitrose is posh. You may spend a little bit more, but you get significantly bigger portions and I'm all for bigger portions.

Mr Chairman: And does Mrs Chairman do a nice hamburger relish with her tongue?

Mr Nikos: I have found this English translation for τζατζίκ:-Wash and dry cucumbers. Peel cucumber and scratch. The other half of the scratch without removing the shell. The're putting in a colander to drain and press to remove the water (you can also put it in a towel and Zulu to pour the water). The throw into the bowl with the chopped garlic, yogurt, salt, oil and unbroken until they become cream.Unfortunately I do not have a Zulu handy.

Nick: The worst of it was that had deleted the Bird's Eye Fish Fingers from their aisles - I'm sure this wouldn't happen at Tesco's.Happy Birthday, sweetie... I was going to get you a cake, but you can see my predicament.Sx

I suggest that Waitrose were cleverly highlighting the advantages of a vegetarian diet. The large lumps of decaying flesh inhabiting hidden corners of your corporeal being have obviously inhibited your ability to carry out simple tasks, such as mastering web browsers.Have a nice bowl of lentils, rice and spinach, and watch your ability and disposition improve.

Mr Scurrilous: Always a delight to have you in my box!I am about to embark on a diet of cucumber sandwiches and boiled potatoes for at least the next five days; I shall report back if I find any significant improvement in my browsing technique.My disposition is always sweet, but shouldn't be trifled with.Sx

If it takes that long to add things to your trolley, you'd be better off just going to the shop yourself! Or borrow one of MJ's houseboys to run errands for you... you could get him to do the housework as well, while you are recuperating. Hope you feel better soonest!

I was in Waitrose yesterday buying "Best" butter for an elderly relative, why do old people call it that? I thought it was a brand name and asked the dairy maid if they had any "Best" butter whilst stood at the butter chiller, she looked at me as if I was a little touched in the head.

Not surprised you are poorly because you are probably hungry, very hungry. I too have been a bit 'under the weather' - depressing isn't it. In the midst of sickness one wonders if we will ever feel well again - but of course we will.

Fairyhedgehog: I am confused by the moon - I blame it for everything.Tesco's Mesco's.... mutter, mutter...

Ms Fancy: And through meagre portions there is always the benefit of losing some weight.Every cloud... etc, etc... Plus, I will soon be publishing my cucumber recipe book entitled: Cuke It Up... or something equally rubbish...

Macy: Indeed it did... It would have been quicker to make a vat of sloe gin.

Ms Cakes: I hope thay sort it out - it was really easy to use until they started tinkering with it.I will come and stay with you until they fix it!

Mr Beastie: I have run out of Kit-Kats and Waitrose wouldn't allow me down the tin-foil aisle. I suspect a conspiracy by Aliens.

Dave: Did you make it youself?

Pat: I'd recommend trying Waitrose, but only when they've sorted out their website. It was brilliant at first - they gave me £5 off my first online shop, £10 off my second and £15 off my third - not to be sneezed at... but now it's all a horrible nightmare....

Online shopping provides the 'virtual' shopping basket but fails to provide the 'virtual' isles in which to entertain other shoppers with a "Sainsbury's flop". I miss seeing these wonderful emotive displays.