Since my December 2, 2005 Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma diagnosis, I've been on a slow-motion journey of survivorship. Chemo wiped out my aggressive disease in May, 2006, but an indolent variety is still lurking. I had my thyroid removed due to papillary thyroid cancer in 2011, and was diagnosed with recurrent thyroid cancer in 2017. Join me for a survivor's reflections on life, death, faith, politics, the Bible and everything else. DISCLAIMER: I’m not a doctor, so don't look here for medical advice.

When I was sick, I was so fortunate to have so many friends from the church bring over food for the family. We never got tired of those gestures, repeated every other day or so for months. It wasn’t an economic thing; it was a way of giving us time with each other.

Of the clueless comments cited by survivors in the video clip, the one I remember hearing is “I know exactly how you’re feeling.” To me, that’s probably the number-one thing not to say. I’s meant to be a helpful comment, but it’s so patently untrue. Every person’s journey is different. Sure, there are points of commonality, but we do well to respect each other’s differences.

I also remember people quizzing me about what I might have done that brought on cancer. Is there any dietary or environmental link that leads to lymphoma, they wanted to know. I figure these comments had more to do with the person making them than with me. They saw what I was going through, and they were trying to reassure themselves that the same thing wasn’t likely to happen to them.

I do have to confess, though, that when I hear of someone diagnosed with lung cancer, I really have to refrain from asking if the person ever smoked. Maybe it’s a carryover from my experience with my father, who died of smoking-induced emphysema complicated by lung cancer. I want to reassure myself I’m not a risk.

Whether the loved one persisted in unhealthy, cancer-causing behaviors is neither here nor there. Such a question has nothing to do with begin supportive. It’s more an attempt to satisfy our own morbid curiosity, and to allay our irrational fears. So, I really work hard to avoid asking that one, myself.

No comments:

About Me

I am Pastor of the Point Pleasant Presbyterian Church, a 450-member congregation in Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey. I also serve as Stated Clerk of the Presbytery of Monmouth - a regional governing body composed of 45 Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) congregations in central New Jersey. From time to time I teach Presbyterian Polity at Princeton Theological Seminary and Presbyterian Studies at New Brunswick Theological Seminary. I am married to the Rev. Claire Pula, Director of the Bereavement Program, Meridian Hospice. We have two children: Benjamin, a singer-songwriter, and Ania, an artist. I write two blogs: "A Pastor's Cancer Diary," in which I reflect on my ongoing experience as a cancer survivor (Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma, also Thyroid) and "Monmouth Presbytery Clerks' Corner," a place for Clerks of Session and other interested folks with an interest in Presbyterian polity (church government) to gather online.