Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Today, I AM Loved!

You know the feeling of overwhelming love where your heart feels as though it has grown three sizes too big and it causes tears to well up in your eyes? I felt that today and realized that I AM loved!
As my daughter was waking up from a late nap, she was crying. I had just put down my book in my bed and rolled to my side to try and get a few min of shut eye myself when she awoke. I found her staring at the wall with a head of hair in a sweaty mess. She must have had a bad dream and was overly warm, obviously and if she was sleeping on her back and if she is anything like momma, that is when dreams become most prominent. I sat on the foot of her bed (she is currently napping in a twin size bed on the floor) and picked her up and hug-cradled her. I leaned back on the big body pillow that’s props up against the wall with her big Tigger pillow under my back. It was not the most comfortable position with Tigger’s massive heard poking me in the back, but moments like these are fleeting and get shorter and less frequent as she ages so I was not going to move; I would endure the uncomfortable position for a little while. She had her head on my left shoulder and reached with her left hand to have a handful of her ‘blankey’ and fell asleep. My daughter was never one to fall asleep in strange places (not my arms or her bed) when she was an infant and even a baby. She didn’t fall asleep in her walker, her high chair, her bumbo chair or anything else. The only place she fell asleep that was neither my husbands nor my arms was the floor in front of her playpen. I have that picture because it was such a shock. As I was laying there relishing the moment, eyes closed in thought, I was glad she is content to know that mommy is always there to calm her fears. I also wondered if she was listening to my beating heart and hat helped soothe her back to sleep. Did she remember doing the same thing when she was an infant? I told her right before she fell asleep on my chest that I loved her and she told me she loved me too in a whisper. I knew I should be waking her up because it was almost 4 in the afternoon and she would be getting ready for bed in four to five hours, but I could not make myself move her. As I was sitting there, relaxing and thinking my dog left the comfort of her bed in my husbands and my bedroom to come lay at my feet. All I had to do was barely life a foot and she was right there. Then she laid her head on my right foot. At that moment, I felt such unconditional, innocent and freely given love. When it comes to my daughter and my dog, they do not care what I look like, how much money I make, or what brand of clothes I wear. They love me because I care, I understand, I provide, I listen and I love them just as much as they love me! All this from a 2 year old falling asleep on my shoulder. It’s a magical moment and I welcome it when it comes and I pray I never miss a beat!