Saturday, March 30, 2013

Last time on Project Runway the seven remaining contestants created looks to sell at Lord & Taylor.

Michelle won for her simple, yet not simple (as per Nina) chartreuse and taupe dress.

Samantha was eliminated for her messy & unsophisticated too-junior number. Samantha placed 7th for the season, and did produce a decoy collection for Fashion Week (February 2013.) That reminder is supposed to make me feel better, since she is gone. =o(

It's 5:30 in the morning at the Atlas, and Layana is already whining about Richard. Geez, they have to get up early to get all of their bitching in, huh? She is mad that Samantha was auf'd, while Richard was kept on. Michelle interviews pretty much the same thought as Ms. Aguilar, but Michelle comes off as merely stating a point of view, while Layana seems more like a bratty bitch.

Then, it occurred to me: Layana has finally gotten on my last nerve. She now moves ahead of Olivier "with the superfluous 'i,' that can't stand female anatomy" Green and Ven "I hate all females over 80 lbs." Budhu. Honey, before you alienate every clothes-buying person on the planet, here's an idea. Shut your mouth. Keep your crying to yourself. You are not a judge. Your opinion does not matter. Let the judges do the critiquing, and you can concentrate on the task at hand: Making clothes fashion.

Or, you could go on RuPaul's Drag Race in Reverse and read all of the designers to your heart's content. Nah, they'd probably eat you alive, especially for wearing a hat to cover bed-head.

Heidi meets the six designers on the runway. She demands, "Why is no one smiling?"

Because Richard has ruined my life!

He doesn't deserve to be here!

He's causing fires, floods and pestilence.

Excuse me? Richard has NOTHING to do with us.

Patricia has her 'happy mask' on where she's grinning from ear to ear and yet you can see her fear or at least her buggin' and illin'.

Yo, cuz it be like dat.Yes, she often presents herself in such a manner.

Heidi hints about pushing the boundaries and being creative. Wait, is it an avant garde challenge? The six of them meet Tim Gunn over at the Guggenheim. Why do they keep putting Layana and Richard next to each other? Oh, you, B/M!

Of course, they cannot LOOK at each other or they will explode.

Don't you wanna see that happen now? Maybe we can enlist Drew Barrymore's help?

Tim states that the judges have changed up the teams. Now we have Stanley & Michelle, and Patrica & Richard, which leaves Layana with Daniel. Oh, Daniel, I'm so, SO sorry. Well, not enough to take your place. =op

Layana is already interviewing that it's even MORE pressure for her, having to work with Daniel. Oh, I get it, she doesn't just hate only Richard, she hates everyone who isn't HER.

Layana is convinced she will have to carry the team. Um, uh-huh, okay. Daniel has no skills whatsoever. Sure.

Tim does his best Carol Merril with some HP innovative tablet.

You go girl!

Hey, it's also the HP textile design challenge! The challenge: Over the top, grand, big, wearable art, plus a companion commercial piece. The textile they design must be in BOTH looks.

Stanley & Michelle seems to be getting along. Patricia & Richard, not so much, but they aren't personally attacking each other, at least. Daniel is the obvious choice for the over the top look, so Layana nixes that and designs it herself. Daniel, thank God, is willing to compromise and make the ready to wear version of it.

As Daniel fawns over this sculpture, all I can see is:

Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now!

Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go!

Okay, when Daniel thought he might still be making the avant-garde look, did you think of this when he said 'fills up with air' ???

Ah, enfin! A TWO DAY CHALLENGE! This will never happen again, except maybe the finale. Maybe.

After Mood, the designers get to work. All we see is Richard being stuck and Layana vs. Daniel friction. Layana complains that Daniel is helping her, when she needs help. Oh, honey, that's not even scratching the surface. She isn't willing to share the print they designed with him. Wow, wouldn't that be an immediate bottom placement? Then Daniel could tell the judges that she wouldn't share, and wouldn't she be the one to go home? Layana later can't come up with a design for the fabric pattern. But, she co-designed it! Wha?

By the end of the first day, Richard has made ... a bracelet? That's IT? Okay, Richard, it's time for you to actually compete on Project Runway, not the defunct Project Accessory. Hey! Why aren't you making your current teammate, Patricia, wear that?

With this bracelet I thee wed.

On the Tim-thru Stanley & Michelle get a "fabulous" and "I have chills." They seem to have worked together on the over the top look. Layana interviews that Stanley's commercial work is not innovative, but predictable. That's it, rip on the others, that's the reason why you were cast, girl.

Patricia explains the design, and Tim is a bit overwhelmed. He cries, "let it go, let it flow." Patricia interviews that no one understands her looks before she is finished. That's because no one understands your looks before you are finished. Richard is called out for not using his time well. They get an "I'm worried about the two of you." Tim mentions that maybe it is a strategy, which now concerns Patricia. Not that we get enough information to really tell, but it doesn't look like Richard is being devious and cruel to Patricia, he's coming off more as a simple idiot, that's all.

Tim loves the textile design by Layana & Daniel, and adores his jacket. Layana's work is deemed flat and lifeless. Ruh-roh! Favorite quote of the show: "ON a scale of 1 to 100, you're about a 12. This isn't working!" Mr. G. is amazed that she isn't buying the critique. We then get plenty o' Layana tears. Please, bring on the commercials.

How do they do on the runway? And, more importantly, why are Layana and Richard ALWAYS together?

In general, the judges like the work. Heidi raves about it. What a difference from the menswear challenge a couple of weeks ago, huh? During the runway Layana interviews, "I never gave up and I really worked hard on it and it is a beautiful dress. I really like it, and I do think it's a work of art. I'm so proud." Um, lady, you mean Daniel had to buoy you up the entire time, and help you focus instead of crying and whining the whole time.

They all rave about Michelle & Stanley, including the textile. Wasn't there a year when all of the textiles were a boring mess?

Oh, yes. Cancelled crotch.

It's hard to tell which person's work they are more pleased with, but it's clear that Stanley & Michelle are the winning team. Heidi says they are very pleased.

Richard was inspired by structure, and Patricia by 'tribal.' The judges are mixed on their looks. Richard's construction and Patricia's use of the pattern are called into question, but not by everyone. They don't show them throwing each other under the bus. That's kind of nice.

Layana gushes about her work and Daniel explains his, and they seem happy. Heidi raves over Daniel's work. Nina approves of Daniel's improved level of quality. Heidi states, "I feel like you are back with this." Nina notices that Layana struggled. However, the judges are talking about what is BEST, but not what is WORST. They are merely safe and in the middle? Layana takes credit for Daniel's work, which is quite amazing. Did she invent the internet, too? She cries in the back room that Daniel did well on the runway and she didn't.

Sour grapes?

I don't understand why you didn't say that I dideverything right, while you did everything wrong!

Congratulations, Stanley! He earned his 2nd weekly challenge win.

Michelle, Layana and Daniel are all in.

Patricia is kept in and Richard is auf'd.

Layana rushes up to Richard in the back room and cries about how much she will miss him. They exchange long kisses and tearful hugs. Or not.

What was that?

Point to ponder: Do you think that the real Layana / Richard story is that the are trying to obscure the fact that they are in love?

While at the Guggenheim I bet they were holding hands just out of the camera view.

And with that, let me present a challenge. I promise not to make fun of Layana anymore. Well, at least not until she starts whining again next Thursday at 9p. If she can shut up and hold out, so can I.