Last night, on SPIKE TV’s Bellator MMA, a few noteworthy things happened. First of all, the man that many people have dubbed one of the most boring men in mixed martial arts, Bellator Welterweight Champion Ben Askren, absolutely beat the crap out of his formerly undefeated opponent, Andrey Koreshkov. So would UFC Dana White still say that “when Ambien can’t sleep, it takes Ben Askren”? Yeah, probably, because he’s a dick.

But White’s more likely loading up on much more colorful comments after last night’s Bellator MMA show, because it was announced that instead of sipping the UFC’s Kool-Aid by lining up or even teasing us with a pointless superfight between Quinton “Rampage” Jackson and Roy Jones, Jr., the main event of Bellator’s first Pay-Per-View on Nov. 2 will instead be Rampage vs. Tito Ortiz.

There you have it, Jackson vs. Ortiz for the first time ever and it will happen in Bellator. Jackson said it’s going to be one of the best fights in history, and if he means Bellator PPV history, sure, I’ll buy that. But until it actually happens, you’ll have to forgive me if I roll my eyes at Ortiz and his three-fight losing streak being capable of wowing us at this point.

Jackson even fired another shot at the UFC by saying again that he’s happy to be “in a reputable company that knows how to treat their fighters,” so I’m sure that White is going to have plenty of smart-ass, profanity-laced comments in store for this one.

Good job at ignoring the mostly home-grown, young talent on your roster, Bellator (Mike Chandler is a BEASTLY dude) in favor of pushing cast-offs from the #1 company in the sport to the top of the card. You are now so TNA, it’s kind of sad.

Thing is, I don’t think there’s as much crossover between MMA and pro wrestling as Spike/Viacom might think, so TNA fans probably won’t care about Tito vs Quinton having a fight in Bellator (Or feuding in TNA, for that matter). But I could be dead wrong.

I’d never seen Askeren before, but I agree with white the man fights boring as hell. Like the ref stopped it last night because people had passed out from how god damn bored they were. It was a mercy stoppage for the audience.

Maybe he could I dunno learn a submission then? Because jesus he was essentially doing nothing on top of that glass joe of a russian the entire time. Possibly throw a punch with more force than a 15 year old boy with progeria?

Ben Askren is basically the most stifling defense in the history of any sport manifested as a person. He finished the fight with almost 250 strikes thrown, while Koreshkov had 3. If completely breaking an opponent’s will to live isn’t the coolest, then sorry you don’t like broken spirits.

(Also, he did go for an arm triangle, but was too close to the cage to get it sunk in deep enough)

Must have missed the one sub attempt while I was flipping over to find anything else interesting after the fucking mariners lost again in extra innings.

And I don’t know if I can buy Askren being so dominant if he’s only fought in bellator considering the guy he fought was undefeated and put up zero offense. If he blanks a GSP or a guy like Hendricks than I’d be more willing to buy in. Because if his competitor last night is any indication of the fighters in bellator at his weight class, jesus they have problems.

At least Chandlers fight was over fast, and definitively the ref didn’t have to mercy kill it.

Not to mention this may actually help Eddie Alvarez because Bellator won’t come within a light year of the pay per view buys the UFC gets (my guess: just below 50,000). Will just help his case that Bellator did not match the terms of the contract.