2015-06-28

And in the hour when blooms unfurl,
thoughts of my loved ones come to me.
The moths of evening swirl around the snowball tree.
Nothing by now shouts or sings; one house only whispers then hushes.

Nestlings sleep beneath wings, like eyes beneath their lashes.
From open calyces there flows a ripe strawberry scent, in waves.
A lamp in the house glows. Grasses are born on graves.
A late bee sighs, back from its tours and no cell vacant anymore.

The Hen and her cheeping stars cross their threshing floor.
All through the night the flowers flare, exhaling scent into the wind.
The lamp now climbs the stair, shines from above, is dimmed…
It’s dawn: the petals, slightly worn, close up again—
each bud to brood, in its soft, secret urn, on some yet-nameless good.

2015-06-26

1. House Tyrell is one of the most influential and affluent houses in Westeros. Their family originally served the reigning House Gardener, but rose to power, when the family was wiped out. House Boleyn, was originally made up of merchants, but steadily became one of the most influential and powerful families in Tudor England.

2. The Tyrell’s are an ambitious family. They married Margaery to Renly Baratheon, Loras joined his kingsguard and they fully supported his claim. After his death, they were able to swiftly change their allegiance to the Lannisters, and arranged the marriage of Margaery to two kings Joffery and Tommen, and Loras joined the kingsguard. The Boleyns were exceedingly ambitious, and hoped that their king would favour them, by offering two Boleyn girls, Mary and Anne. Mary had previously been the mistress to Francis I of France. Henry took Mary as a mistress. As soon as he grew bored of her, the family expected Anne to replace her. Her involvement with the King lead to her family gaining lordships and riches.

3. The thing Margaery desires the most is to be ‘the queen’. Anne refused to become the King’s mistress, insisting that he make her queen. A impossible request at the time, given the king would have to divorce his wife in order to make her queen.

4. Margaery is skilled in charm, grace, seduction and the art of dressing. She is described as one of the most beautiful ladies in Westeros. Anne was known as a stylish woman, and learnt the art of conversation and wit from her time in the French court. Her looks were said to be unusually beautiful and bewitching.

5. Margaery shares a close bond with her brother Loras, who prefers the company of men. Anne was said to be close to her brother George Boleyn, who also engaged in homosexual relationships.

6. Margaery uses her influence over Tommen, to persuade him to cut the apron strings that bind him to his controlling mother Cersei. Anne Boleyn persuaded Henry VIII to depose his most loyal supporter Cardinal Wolsey, who disapproved of Henry’s divorce and marriage to Anne.

7. Margaery was not a virgin when she married Renly Baratheon, her first husband. Anne secretly eloped with Henry Percy, and he marriage was said to have been consummated, before they were separated by their families who deemed the union unsuitable.

8. Loras was imprisoned along with Margaery (TV Series). In the books. Brother George Boleyn was imprisoned the same time as Anne, and was executed on accounts on incest and treason.

9. During Margaery’s trial in the books, a musician Blue Bard is tortured into revealing Margaery’s lovers to strengthen the case against her. A musician Mark Smeaton, was tortured into revealing he was Anne’s lover. Others were named and arrested, serving as evidence against her in trial.

10. Margaery is threatened by the possibility of being executed. Anne Boleyn was executed on the grounds of treason, adultery and incest. Other Tudor Parallels: - Margaery was briefly married to Tommen’s elder brother Joffery Baratheon, before he died. Catherine of Aragon was married Henry VII’s heir Arthur, until he died, and she was married off to his younger brother Henry.

Some of these are fairly solid points, far more well placed than others I’ve seen. And I like the extra tie in to Katherine of Aragon. But (to be fair I haven’t lurked around your blog to get a judge) how much do you actually know about these historical figures? Because it sounds a bit like a listing of facts yanked out of various websites (not all but some).

3) What unprecedented powers of foresight was Anne Boleyn supposed to have here? The image of the seductive, demanding Anne might be a popular view in modern historical interpretations, but it is also utterly incorrect. Anne placed no such demands on Henry VIII other for him to leave her be. In our own time his pursuit of her would have been labeled as sexual harassment. Truth be told, Henry’s infatuation with Anne merely had remarkable timing. Henry was already starting to doubt his marriage. Katherine of Aragon could no longer bear children. He had managed to have a healthy son with his mistress, Bessie Blount, but not with the union that should have been blessed by God. There would have been no reason for Anne to imagine herself queen, much less insist upon it from Henry. If you’re looking for women who purposefully fanned a King’s desire, look to Jane Seymour, who knew how to play to the desires of a man exactly like Margaery or Elizabeth Woodville, who told Edward IV, “I am too good to be your mistress, I cannot be your wife.“

5) No. Trust me, I would love to have a historical character to show as homosexual or even bisexual, but George Boleyn is not your man. There are others that can explain it better (ladyjaneparker for insistence, who actively studies him) but this concept arouse as a way to blacken the Boleyn name further. There isn’t anything to support it outside of a fun fictional imagining.

6) I’m not trying to say your wrong on this one so much as to say it could be extended. Anne gets cited as one of the most important Queens in English history because, without her influence over Henry, the groundwork for the Church of England would never have begun.

7) For the love of all that is holy, please tell me you didn’t get this from The Other Boleyn Girl. To be fair, it can be taken as one of those, “Who can say for sure? We weren’t there?” historical details, but, by all accounts, the union was stopped before it could ever be taken this far. There was courtly flirtation and plans to marry, which were enough to get Cardinal Wosley (or, through some rumors Henry VIII) to be put his foot down. There was no secret elopement, that much is the truth, and having grown up guarding her virginity in the French court while her older sister got labels such as “the English Mare” and “the Great Prostitute” I doubt Anne would have given her virginity away without a full marriage. You discovered beyond the usual with your connections between these two figures here. But Margarey’s personality is heavily related to that of Jane Seymour’s. For this post, I drew on a number of sources that I have read while studying the Tudors. The post is deliberately simplistic in it’s comparison, as most of the source material, like many accounts of historical characters, is based on rumour and not every angle is associated with Margaery. Without rumour we would have no idea of these peoples true motives or personalities, as such observations are not recorded in official documents, but are written in diaries and letters, and told from a personal point of view of the writer, who can be deemed as unreliable.

So we are bound to clash on the portrayal of their charters. I concentrated on an accumulation of stories, facts and rumours that may have inspired the author when he created Margaery, whether they be historically accurate or hearsay. I doubt the author questioned their validity given that some of the fictional accounts make for more interesting story-lines. Nevertheless they were said about Anne Boleyn, and therefore strengthen the case that Anne inspired Margaery. Though totally get your Jane Seymour angle!

3. I don’t believe Henry would have taken on the herculean task of divorcing his wife in medieval England, if Anne had merely teased him or outright rejected him, whether it was to secure the crown or to deter his advances by propositioning an opportunity that seemed impossible at the time. She may not have wanted it, but her family certainly would have wanted it if it were made possible. For the seven years that it took to get it, Anne must have put pressure on him at various stages, which we know from her involvement in the reformation. He had never been so adamant to divorce Catherine until he meet Anne, and I don’t believe he had looked into beforehand? So she may have put that notion in his mind, as his advisors at the time certainly wouldn’t have. Though a great example, Elizabeth Woodville cannot be compared in a similar light as Margaery, as their positions are very different. Elizabeth was lowborn, and had little but love to offer the king, while the Tyrells stand to offer wealth, influence and an army. Her meeting with the king was circumstantial, while Margaery, Anne and Jane were deliberately placed in front of the king by their families. For Margaery, Anne and Jane, their families a dominate third party in their marriage while Elizabeth did it on her own accord, which kinda makes her a boss!

5. Of course there is no way to be sure whether George Boleyn was gay, bisexual or straight. I only address the rumours that were said at the time and for what came up during his trial, when a letter between Anne and his wife was brought to light that questioned his virility. In the books Loras’ sexuality is only alluded to, never shown or verified much like George’s.

6. Completely agree, but I didn’t go into much detail, as Margaery’s influence on her husband has not lead to such a great outcome, therefore I could not expand the point.

7. Nope it wasn’t based on The Other Boleyn Girl. That accusation has appeared a number of times throughout Anne’s life.

1. Percy’s wife accused him of entering a pre-contract with Anne Boleyn, and believed it had been consummated. This was apparently brought up by Percy himself, who confessed to her. They both later denied it under oath, whether it was true or to save their own skins, we don’t know. Cromwell revisited the claim. During the trial, Anne apparently agreed to the existence of a pre-contract with Percy. Percy, who was present among the jury, denied the claim, and is said to have later fainted. If the union had been completely stamped out by Wolsey or Henry at the time. Cromwell would have no use for it in court. There is no evidence to the consummation of their union, but the rumour of it could have inspired the author to write Margaery as a woman who had previous carnal knowledge before her marriages. Something that cannot be said about Jane Seymour. Don’t think we are at liberty to say what Anne would have done in that situation. Though you make a valid point, Anne was a rebel and at the time she would have had no idea she would later court a king, and the better option would have been to bind herself to the future Earl of Northumberland. The relationship is also believed to have been a love match, and therefore it’s possible that Anne would have given herself to Percy. Anne and Henry consummated their relationship after their secret ceremony, which like her union with Percy, was invalid. Proving the bride’s virginity may not have occurred given the secrecy of their marriage and possibly due to the fact Henry may have bedded her after seven years of courtship. During their official legal marriage and her coronation in May, Anne was believed to be with child. She gave birth, four months later to a healthy daughter Elizabeth. I completely agree, Margaery’s personality is more alike to Jane Seymour. But I think her circumstance, in terms of her imprisonment and trial, her beauty and reputation are taken from Anne, whether they are facts or rumours said about her. I think Margaery is probably an amalgamation of all three Tudor queens, Catherine, Anne and Jane, but most predominantly Jane. Do you have a post on it? I don’t believe Henry would have taken on the herculean task of divorcing his wife in medieval England, if Anne had merely teased him or outright rejected him, whether it was to secure the crown or to deter his advances by propositioning an opportunity that seemed impossible at the time. She may not have wanted it, but her family certainly would have wanted it if it were made possible. We know from Henry’s own letters that Anne rejected him, retreated to her home at Hever (quitting her job as a maid of honor to the queen to escape his advances and protect her reputation) and refusing to answer his letters. The first half a dozen or so love letters Henry wrote to Anne are full of pouting complaints that he doesn’t know why she won’t respond, and he doesn’t know what he could have possibly done to offend her. he kept sending her more gifts, hoping to get her to respond, and when she wouldn’t he went to stay with one of her cousins who lived near Hever so he could ride over at his leisure. There is no indication - NONE - that Anne encouraged Henry in any way. she had to be polite and smiling, of course, because he was the king, but she would not sleep with any man outside the bonds of matrimony. She was as blunt as she could be in her refusals to become his mistress, but Henry wouldn’t back off. The fact she actually quit her job and left court was a huge step, and it’s proof that she wasn’t joking around. It had taken her family a lot of effort to get her a position at court, and when she was promoted to serving the queen herself, it was a major boon for her family. It was the 16th century’s equivalent of the corporate ladder. Hugely prestigious, and massively expensive to maintain, these positions were intensely fought for. Giving it up was walking away from everything her family had spent the last couple of decades trying to build for her. Anne’s family hoped she would use her position to get the favor of the queen, which would lead to opportunities for her marriage, and for her family’s advancement. The attention of the king was a bad thing, as far as her career was concerned. If the queen blamed Anne, it could mean negative repercussions on her and her family. (Remember, Henry’s previous mistresses had to leave court - Bessie when she became pregnant, and Mary when the king was finished with her and married off to a willing courtier.) and what other noble lady would want a “home-wrecking hussy” serving her? That Anne “quit her job” was a terrible thing for her family. But she had no choice. The king wouldn’t leave her alone, which meant Anne could not make an advantageous marriage. Her reputation was being destroyed the long er it went on, because few people believed she could still be a virgin with the king chasing after her for a year. Her reputation was just as bad as though she’d been the king’s mistress in truth. And then the king presented her with an offer she LITERALLY could not refuse. A royal proposal of marriage was not a request. (Ask Kateryn Parr, who was in love with another man when the king proposed.) It wasn’t like today, where a woman has agency to choose who she wants to marry. In those days, the girl’s personal opinion on the matter was the least of anyone’s concern. A dishonorable proposal, she could - and did - refuse, but an honorable proposal of marriage was not something she could turn down, even if she wanted to. So, yes, once they were betrothed - which was almost as legally binding as a marriage and needed a papal dispensation to dissolve - Anne worked with Henry to help him get his annulment. It was her future, too, at that point. She would do her duty. As time wore on, Anne began to see the hand of God at work in this. She believed God had raised her to this position so she could reform the church, and it was what she dedicated her reign to doing. It was her work that lad the foundation for the Reformation in England. For the seven years that it took to get it, Anne must have put pressure on him at various stages, which we know from her involvement in the reformation. He had never been so adamant to divorce Catherine until he meet Anne, and I don’t believe he had looked into beforehand? So she may have put that notion in his mind, as his advisors at the time certainly wouldn’t have. Yes, Henry had talked of annulling his marriage to Katharine long before Anne was on the scene. According to historian David Starkey, it had been rumored in Rome as early as 1514 that Henry intended “to repudiate his wife … because he is unable to have children by her,“ nearly a decade before Anne Boleyn was on the scene. He voiced doubts as to the validity of his marriage to his confessor in 1520, and stopped having marital relations with her in 1524, when it became obvious she’d never become pregnant again. He didn’t become obsessed with Anne until late 1525/early 1526. She didn’t put the notion in his head. It was already there. Anne was just the final straw that broke the camel’s back. Of course there is no way to be sure whether George Boleyn was gay, bisexual or straight. I only address the rumours that were said at the time and for what came up during his trial, when a letter between Anne and his wife was brought to light that questioned his virility. The rumors came later. There was never any whispers about it WHATSOEVER during George’s lifetime or during the trial. There was no letter, either. George read aloud a note passed to him at the trial that contained the claim Anne had told Jane that Henry had problems with virility. George was supposed to read the charge silently and respond to it so the audience wouldn’t know the king had impotence problems. George, for whatever reason, decided to read the charge aloud. Again, the rumors came much later. Like, hundreds of years later when historians were speculating, not from anything presented at the trial, or evidence from George’s life. The relationship is also believed to have been a love match, and therefore it’s possible that Anne would have given herself to Percy. Anne and Henry consummated their relationship after their secret ceremony, which like her union with Percy, was invalid. Proving the bride’s virginity may not have occurred given the secrecy of their marriage and possibly due to the fact Henry may have bedded her after seven years of courtship. During their official legal marriage and her coronation in May, Anne was believed to be with child. She gave birth, four months later to a healthy daughter Elizabeth. Anne and Henry married on November 14, 1532. They had a second ceremony in January, 1533 after it was discovered she was pregnant. They were following tradition, because most royal couples of the era had two wedding ceremonies, a proxy marriage service and a second service for the public. Both were valid and legitimate unions. Henry never did anything by halves, and their secret ceremony in Dover had stayed too secret. He would soon doubly crown his queen as a consort and as a monarch in her own right - he would marry her twice, too, to remove any doubt she was his wife. There is no reason - none - to believe Anne ever had sex outside of marriage. Any speculation about her sleeping with Henry Percy is just that - speculation. There’s not a hint of evidence to support it. We actually don’t KNOW the reason stated in the annulment. Historians believe it probably was Percy, but no one knows for sure, because it wasn’t detailed in the records. Percy swore on the damnation of his soul upon the Communion host that he’d never been pre-contracted to Anne, and that wasn’t something done lightly in those days. Anne was an intensely religious woman. She would not sleep with any man besides her lawfully-wedded husband. Today, even the most religious girl might decide to cast aside her principles for a night of passion, but Anne had been raised to believe her self-worth was tied up in her chastity. Her honor was the most precious thing she had, and she was not going to give it up for simple emotion or pleasure’s sake. Say what you will about Anne, but she was not a weak-willed woman. Henry expected he would have sons with Anne, but he wanted those sons to be LEGITIMATE children, conceived in holy matrimony. He wanted Anne and wanted her badly, but he wanted that legitimate son from her even more. He wouldn’t have wanted to sleep with her without being married even if she had agreed to it. Lastly, remember it’s not like in the movies where the king and his favorite lady suddenly find themselves alone in the woods or whatever. Anne was surrounded at every moment by her ladies. They slept in her bed and even attended her on the toilet. She was never alone, and this wasn’t by accident. It was to protect her reputation. Her mother was with her, too, as a chaperon. Anne could not slip away to have sex with the king if the mood suddenly struck her.

2015-06-23

#ReadingSuggestion 2000 years later: “The strange glyphs appearing on gravestones from the early 21st century onward remain a mystery. These astoundingly complex patterns (no two exactly the same) have been found on many other 21st century artifacts, and are believed to have religious significance. Recovered images suggest they were probably sacred to the ancient North American god, Apple, and were meant to ensure that the departed would continue to be financially successful in the afterlife.” Reading Suggestion: Motel of the Mysteries, a graphic novel about archaeologists in the 42nd century uncovering a 1980s-era hotel room and misinterpreting every artifact inside.

2015-06-21

Night Road #quote http://ift.tt/1IsLMKY “Jude remembered this pain. Every woman had felt some version of it: the end of first love. It was when you learned, for good and always, that love could be impermanent.” ― Kristin Hannah, Night Road

2015-06-20

Robert Frost #poetry Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim Because it was grassy and wanted wear, Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same, And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.

2015-06-12

MyReadingLounge: Since the story is historical, how have you done your research? Do you have suggestions for fellow writers who write historical fiction?

Elise de Sallier: I wanted to study history during my final two years at high school, but it was on the same timeline as art which was my passion. I later quenched two thirsts, one for fascinating historical details and the other for stories with a guaranteed happy ending, by reading large quantities of historical romances. My first attempt to write one for my self was done purely for fun and published online as a fanfiction story. It was only when I was asked to rework my fan fiction story, A Forbidden Love, publication for TWCS, that I began to realise what I'd let myself in for.

Thankfully, I'd done a lot of googling when writing for fan fiction, in my attempt to be at least vaguely historically accurate. I discovered some fantastic websites set up by other authors of the Regency, Georgian, and Victorian eras, and fell in love with Wikipedia.

My advice to other authors would be to double check everything you can think of, though don't be surprised if readers or reviewers still managed to catch you out occasionally. Specifically, I try to always check the origin or first usage of phrases or unusual words, as well as researching the customs and political landscape of the time.ù

Grace Daniels, the village of Hartley’s resident midwife and herbalist, would like nothing more than to ease the suffering of Jonathan Loring’s young son, Peter. But the widowed Blackthorn estate manager is as prejudiced against her illegitimacy as he is her “witchy” profession. When Peter’s physicians say they can do no more for the boy, Jonathan finds himself in the unenviable position of having to turn to the woman whose skills he has scorned.

Drawn together out of duty, Jonathan and Grace’s relationship soon becomes characterised by a not-so-hidden desire. Having found a degree of independence unheard of for a lady, Grace has no intention of submitting to the bonds of matrimony. Not that Jonathan, who has lost his inheritance and has to work for a living, is in any position to propose.

With marriage out of the question, their only option is both shocking and dangerous . . . to become lovers.

Read an Excerpt

Grace Daniels pulled her cloak tightly around her shoulders. The blustery wind tugged strands of her long, black hair free from her bun, intent on using them to whip her face. To add insult to injury, the misty rain—which she could have borne quite easily—was now falling in heavy splats. Several icy drips had worked their way through her worn, woollen wrap, sending shivers down her spine.

What joy.

As the midwife and herbalist for the village of Hartley, Grace traipsed around the countryside in all sorts of weather, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t a trial. She really should have taken up William, the viscount Blackthorn, on his offer to supply her with a horse-drawn chaise. How she would find time to care for a horse was beyond her. There were so few hours left in her day already, certainly not enough for a decent night’s sleep on the rare occasion she wasn’t called out to assist with a birth or an emergency. If the viscount knew the reason for her reluctance, he would probably offer to pay for a stable boy to assist her. But Grace didn’t like to feel beholden—not even to her best friend’s husband—although it was somewhat unavoidable, considering he now funded her work.

Startled by a horse’s whinny, she looked over her shoulder to see—as if conjured from her imagination—just the sort of hooded chaise William had suggested would be suitable for her needs. Unfortunately, the driver was more likely to appear in her nightmares than her daydreams.

A great believer in living happily ever after, Elise de Sallier began her lifelong obsession with the romance and paranormal genres when she was far too young to be reading either. After more than thirty years of marriage to her very own romantic hero, she now knows great relationships don't just happen, they take work . . . which doesn't mean writing about them can't be a whole lot of fun!

While raising a family, Elise established a career as a counsellor and family therapist. Seeking an escape from the stresses of her work, she discovered the world of fan fiction, and her timid writer's muse made its voice heard. After 2.3 million hits, 20,000 reviews, and an e-mail from an acquisitions editor at The Writer's Coffee Shop Publishing House, her life found a new and fascinating direction.

“I cannot recommend this author, or her book, highly enough to anyone who is a fan of Regency romance or who would like to dabble in the genre to see if it’s for them, because believe me, after reading this you would definitely be a convert!” Lily Loves Indie

“This is probably one of my favorite historical romances I have read this year.” Jen, Red Hot Books

“I’ll definitely be picking up more books by this author and can't wait for the next instalment of this series which stars Hannah’s friend, Grace.”Amy Alvis, Historical Romance Lover

“I loved it. That could be my entire review, right there. But I need to gush a bit more. A wounded hero. A woman with a backbone and caring heart. A bit of angst as I wonder if they will overcome the obstacles that stand in their way of true love.... The flow of the story was natural, not rushed, and I enjoyed every page. I’m very happy to hear that there will be more in Ms. de Sallier’s Hearts of Honour series. I want the next one now!” Kathie, First Page to the Last Book Reviews

“This is the third book I’ve read by this author and I couldn’t help falling in love with de Sallier’s characters once again. I was completely taken into the story not just by Hannah and William, but by the secondary characters at the same time... If you enjoy Regency Romance, you will love Passion & Propriety.” Lindsey Gray, Author on Author Book Reviews

2015-06-06

Everly Brighton's expected to die before her twenty-first birthday, at the hands of a rare medical condition. Under the watchful eye of her father more is being stolen from her than years. Everly longs for connection and freedom she has never been allowed due to her dad's controlling routine. Time ticking away she begins to defy his rules and make up her own.

One star-crossed meeting grants Everly her greatest desire when she befriends Callum Trovatto, a grief-stricken med student needful of his own blissful upswing in the wake of his mother's death.

When Everly becomes the center of Callum’s class assignment, their fate is tested, as they try to awaken their true selves with the infinite promise of friendship, renewal of faith, and an unexpected love that shakes the charade forever.

Infinite Dolls is a story of grief, faith, and how the power of deep-rooted love encourages living in the preciousness of Now.

Of all the parts of me that fell in love with her, my memory won in the end.

It loved her when I was only a grain of sand being scrawled into a map of possibility. Before I knew my own name or the sound of my mother’s voice, my memory locked the most beautiful laughter between heartbeats and fate.

Years after herSoft Goodbye, my memory is still a begging child constantly tugging for a revival.

And while the image of her remains evergreen within my mind; the world has grown quieter without her and, in a way, so have I. When someone you love dies that’s exactly what happens, and with a resilient memory such as mine, I’m only left with a double-edged choice—remember to keep her memory alive inside of me, or forget and be forever restless with this void. Both have consequences that I may suffer in defeat.

So foolishly I spent years of my youth thinking I had been alone . . . but the truth is . . . I never knew what alone was until she died.

Sure, there were the years I spent sleeping alone in a bunk in-between calls and emergencies—the endless hours of studying while others slept, and socialized. And of course all those dark holes in the “ever after” when I couldn’t save a life, when learning from books wasn’t enough, and I was reduced to a bump on the curb outside of the emergency entrance bay.

But that kind of loneliness was always repaired with morning rays and a head of blonde hair tucked under my chin. That kind of loneliness never honed the power to unravel my inner workings, tie an invisible cord around my ribcage and anchor me to an infinite hope.

Thiskind of alone is far different. This kind of alone has taught me I was once a cosmic kid fighting for falling skies, burned out stars, and trails of dust. There is so little magic without her. There is so little fight within me.

But still, my heart beats. It dreams. It wonders. And most dangerous of all, ithopes, because despite its smallness, this hope is still a great something.

The softness I once knew under my fingertips as I traced her shoulder, cheek, full lips . . . it now lives on as wonderment-filled eyes and innocent questions. A small hand reaching for adventure appoints me the leader and top-troublemaker.

And in this new role of alone, I must decide how to let our child live. I must decide how to not let her memory die.

I won’t say I loved her because that’s too short-lived.

I’ll just keep counting the number of ways.

I’ll just keep tallying the moments we lived as a neon contrast to the everyday black and white.

I’ll just keep counting the number of ways.

I’ll just keep tallying the moments we lived as a neon contrast to the everyday black and white.

And I’ll never regret my memories numbered 1 or 708 no matter how greatly they suffer my memory.

If there is one thing I’ve learned, it is that I have a vote in the happenings of my life . . . and I have chosen to live.