BookEnds has moved! We can now be found at www.bookendsliterary.com
BookEnds Literary Agency represents commercial fiction and nonfiction for readers of all ages and in this space we hope to provide advice and inspiration for writers. Our goal is to teach, enlighten and build a community for writers, agents and editors.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Only the Righteous

So here's the story . . .

I receive a message through my LinkedIn account. Honestly, I'm not sure why I have a LinkedIn account. Occasionally I've looked for clients for nonfiction projects through LinkedIn, but rarely has anything ever come of it. Truthfully, the most success I've had in social networking comes through Twitter.

Anyway, a message came through LinkedIn from someone I've never met, I'm not even sure we're connected, asking for assistance in "partnering with a literary agent." This person was a fellow alum from Marquette University and proceeded to tell me about their book. The author ended by telling me there was a book proposal ready. My response, as is my response to all queries sent through social networks (if I respond at all), was that I don't accept queries through social networks, but the author should feel free to query following the guidelines on our website.

The author, apparently because we attended the same school, felt that she was exempt from following my guidelines and was apparently put off by my response, "I'm afraid I do not accept queries via social networking sites. To query me and BookEnds you should review the guidelines on our website."

Well, not that you're surprised, that set off a sh**storm. One that I can now honestly say amuses me and I'm sharing for your entertainment only. The author corrected me to explain how, after rereading the original message, there was nothing in it to indicate this was a query and that not only was my response disappointing, but indicated I have a "lack of belief in Marquette Ideals." What?! What?! Because I stick to a company policy I am now apparently morally corrupt?

And then after explaining that LinkedIn is a professional networking site and not Facebook and that I use it to solely seek to benefit from others the author said, "While I realize you cannot instill decency into people, it disturbs me to have Marquette's name to continue to be represented in such a poor manner."

And there you have it. I am nothing but a money-grubbing, self-absorbed, indecent human misusing my alma mater. Dang, I'm a jerk.

Sounds like someone's getting reported to the Marquette Board of Alumni Ethics Violations. You might be in for a Sternly Worded Letter! Or perhaps a Barely Noticeable Yet Devastating Frown From The Dean Next Time You Attend One Of Those Parties.

As the head of the Marquette Board of Alumni Ethics Violations I have been asked to send you this strongly worded letter. First of all, I want you to know that we here at Marquette take our moral obligations very seriously. As you'll no doubt recall on p. 8 of your Student Handbook which was issued to you in a salmon-covered binding your Freshman year, followed by a lime green your Sophomore year, teal your Junior year, and was discontinued in your Senior year, the following paragraph was highlighted by your room-mate:

"...if any Golden Eagle whatsoever should at any time be in a position of power over any other Golden Eagle, past or present, they are obligated forthwith to extend them each and every courtesy, in congruence with the 130 year history of our institution."

I think that about sums it up. But I'll continue anyway. As you know, our institution's motto is "Numen Flumenque" which is German for "Flamenco like that guy Newman from Seinfeld." You would do well to bear these words in mind in the future.

It's funny what some people think an alumni connection should get for them. I'm guilty, too (though certainly not in the aggressive way your LinkedIn "friend" is!) of assuming too much. Long, long ago, in a place far, far away, I tried to use my West Point alum connections to get a job after I'd been out of the work force for some time due to illness. It got me one courtesy interview that lasted about 10 minutes, a few instances of "Oh, I'm sorry--wish I could help," and an invitation to a local evangelical church service (speaking of "Righteous"). The message, I guess, was and still is that sometimes both God and alumni groups help those who help themselves.

I see you are blond, such as myself, and felt a kindred spirit between us. I know you are feeling it too, so if you'll please do me a favor and take a look at the proposal of my new book called We Have Things In Common And Owe Each Other For It.

You should have said "I agree. I'll be contacting the alumni association immediately to let them know one of their graduates is using their good name to try and force her way through back doors while ignoring company policy. As this obviously means the person in question is so illiterate as to not be able to read said policy, it's putting the university into a bad light."

We have had that problem with people parking in front of our boat launch. It's the weirdest thing, there is even a big sign that says DO NOT BLOCK BOAT LAUNCH. Yet people just pull up and park right in front of it.

There will always be those who believe they are princesses. Can you imagine what things would be like if you'd taken her as a client? Yeesh! The fact that you handled it so well speaks highly of you.You deserve a Werther's.

Hi Jessica,You could try sending a copy of this blog post and comments to her. If she's as clever as she thinks she is, she'll get the message. If not, her University place was obviously wasted on her.

Lack of belief in Marquette Ideals? I thought Marquette ideals involved partying down on Wells Street, maybe hitting Real Chili, although I note that the best sports bar in the world no longer appears to be on campus. (I would remind you of what that would be, but it seems I have forgotten. It's been a while. And I was always a little fuzzy when I was there anyway.) I had never actually noticed that Marquette engendered a sense of entitlement in its graduates (that would have been the TKEs over at UWM).

But Jessica, rules are for everybody else, not for me. Here, let me throw my Marquette weight around. I used to pass by Marquette every day on my way into the city, therefore, you should, and this is not a query by the way, go and find my old query letter, and reconsider publishing me. Do you know Milwaukee has more microbreweries than anywhere else in the country? And you have the audacity to defame such a beer drinking city that we both lived in, probably at separate times, by not accepting this not query non proposal for probably a non book. :-) The reality is, schools don't have the slightest clue how to prepare students for the literary world. For example, and for your amusement, my senior year of college, which was all of two years ago, I took a class in fiction writing. Part of the class was to write a query letter for the publishing house the wished to represent us.Now, this wasn't a professor of a by gone era that should be retired, he's a fresh young guy who just got the highest doctoral degree for English or Literary something or other you can have. I remember him saying that he didn't have anything published yet and now I know why. He's sending his query letters to the wrong place.Of course, because of blogs like yours, I've figured out how things work on my own.I said all that to say that I think people don't know the norms and the socially acceptable behaviors and processes of the literary world. They were taught certain things in college on how things are done. I've found out recently, that a lot of colleges don't know how things are done. Luckily, another English prof turned me on to writers digest and Sol Stein on Writing. From writers digest, I've found blogs like yours and Nathan Bransford and a whole lot of other resources to teach myself about the business.Truth is, us newbies to the literary world don't know that we don't know what we don't know because we don't know we need to know it. College is supposed to have prepared us for everything. :-)

I think you are too kind. Most agents would simply ignore unwanted e-mail. End of communication. Responding to points this lady raised is in any event bad strategy because it feeds the troll as it were. Sometimes the best response is none at all.

Of course some agents report that these characters come to the office with nostrils blazing. Maes me wish I were an agent.

Also, I am disappointed to learn that pointing out some arbitrary similarity or shared experience will not instantly endear me to an agent. I was hoping one would pledge their love to my undying work that way, even while realizing I was in no way querying them. Oh, woe.

I don't get the point behind LinkedIn either, at least not for writers. I get invitations all the time and just ignore them. Maybe I'm missing something? I just always thought it was more a business network for people in corporate.

What's really baffling is that if she had responded with, "Sorry for my oversight! I'll submit my query shortly through your firm's process," you might have given that query a little more attention just because you'd remember her name. But now she's completely burned a bridge by acting like an entitled ass.

Subscribe:

Follow by Email

About BookEnds

BookEnds is a literary agency that believes in the power of a book. We represent authors who write primarily commercial fiction and nonfiction for adult and young adult audiences. Our agents include Jessica Faust, Kim Lionetti, Jessica Alvarez, and Beth Campbell.