(Closed) Sitting, Waiting, Wishing…

-The Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have been together since high school, making it a little over 7.5 years of dating

-We were separated by 5 years of college (different schools, he’s one year older than me), but we still made time to see each other as much as possible

-We moved from Illinois to Washington last year after he got an awesome new job right out of college

-I have brought up marriage 4 times within the last year:

1. May 2011 – Before we decided to move across the country together (he said he’s been wanting to take the next step for a while now, but thought I wasn’t ready. He also said he needs to start saving money for a ring)

2. June 2011 – Right before our move asking for a timeline (he said he had everything taken care of and not to worry)

3. April 2012 – Impatiently asking how much longer after having too much wine at dinner (his response – you’ve had too much wine)

4. Two Days ago – I asked him if I should be worried and if he still wants to take the next step. (he got all still and just told me to stop worrying, that he loves me and still wants to move forward). That whole conversation lasted 30 seconds. Awesome.

So Bees, I come to you for help. I feel like I had so much to talk to him about but just didn’t quite get anything across. And I also feel like he doesn’t want to talk about it one little bit because he wants the whole thing to be a surprise.

Personally, after over 7.5 years together, I feel like the surprise thing is kind of lost. I’d like to pick out my own ring (moissanite, please!) and discuss this more openly with him, but I’m not really sure how or even if I should bring it up to him again. He’s so stuck on keeping it to himself.

@BadaBingBling: Hmmm, sounds frustrating especially after 7.5 years. I think Mr. Bee’s Plan would be a terrific idea. Focus on yourself and your goals and hopefully that helps. If he still hasn’t made any sort of move after a reasonable amount of time, I would sit down with him and explain exactly what you did in your post. The proposal being a suprise doesn’t mean that he gets to put it off indefinitely.

That being said, most guys do want the proposal to be a surprise. They are so scared that it won’t be special or perfect or that they will be rejected. So they try to find a time that will be perfect and that in itself takes time. To us, it feels like they are putting it off. I guess sometimes we could be more understanding of their feelings toward the whole thing.

Anyway, focus on doing things for yourself for now and see where it takes you!

It sounds like you guys haven’t had too much in-depth conversation regarding marriage. Depending on your guys’ dynamics, I would sit down with him when you guys are both in a good mood, and talk as honestly and openly as possible. Ask him how he sees the next few years of his life playing out…tell him your own timeline of events.

If you can bring it up, ask how he’d feel if you gave him some ideas in terms of what sort of ring you’d like. Show him some moissy websites so he can do some research. Suggest you go to a jeweler to try things on IRL if you both are comfortable. You can show him styles you like while leaving the final decision and surprise up to him.

Thank you both, words of wisdom and support I definitely needed. I forgot to mention a small, but important detail. His job rotates locations every year for the next 5 years. So… we’re basically moving across the country again in a couple months. I’m lucky that I have a supportive family with this whole situation (they LOVE the Boyfriend or Best Friend – already call him family).

Do you think with that in mind, I should start working up the courage to ask for a timeline or would you guys just keep it quite.

@Papillon23 – you’re right – we haven’t really had a deep discussion. When we were 16, the poor guy started to say things like “when we get married” and I freaked out. I think it caused him to be a little discouraged even now. Since then, we’ve just gotten to the comfort point where we know we want to be with each other. I’d love to talk more thoroughly about it, but he’s so determined to do the surprise thing that he clams up. It’s also so hard to pick the time to have the discussion… before dinner..during dinner… while watching tv… at a restaurant. It seems like I just need to stay determined and brave. Already I feel like the Bee is helping me with this 🙂