Foster parents say effort is worthwhile

Published 12:24 pm, Monday, November 26, 2012

Nancy and John Schreiner, foster parents to Colin Wagner, 18, at their home in Newtown. Nov. 16, 2012

Nancy and John Schreiner, foster parents to Colin Wagner, 18, at their home in Newtown. Nov. 16, 2012

Photo: Scott Mullin

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Nancy and John Schreiner, foster parents to Colin Wagner, 18, at their home in Newtown. Nov. 16, 2012

Nancy and John Schreiner, foster parents to Colin Wagner, 18, at their home in Newtown. Nov. 16, 2012

Photo: Scott Mullin

Image 3 of 3

Colin Wagner, 18, with foster parents John and Nancy Schreiner, at their home in Newtown. Nov. 16, 2012

Colin Wagner, 18, with foster parents John and Nancy Schreiner, at their home in Newtown. Nov. 16, 2012

Photo: Scott Mullin

Foster parents say effort is worthwhile

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They are waiting.

Two Danbury-area newborns and 18 children from 7 to 17 are awaiting foster parents. So are some 1,300 other kids in Connecticut and more than 100,000 nationwide.

But, there's a problem: Too few people are interested in foster care.

Among those who have stepped up are Nancy and John Schreiner, of Newtown. They joined the ranks of foster parents in April 2011, when Colin, now 18, entered their lives, the lives they share with their five children.

The Schreiners' interest in fostering began after they watched an episode of a home-makeover television show.

"They did the makeover for a foster family of disabled kids," John Schreiner, 44, said. "After seeing it, I thought `How can we not take them in? We have the means, we have room in the house and the family structure.'"

"We just felt we could help," he said. "We weren't looking for a prize. We went ahead and got a license to be a foster family."

But getting that license wasn't easy.

It took about a year, they said. Nancy Schreiner is an administrative assistant for the Newtown fire marshal, and John is the parts manager at Echo Bay Marina in Brookfield.

As explained by John Schreiner, a plainspoken man, the process is the same as adoption. It consists of a full background check into criminal, medical and financial records of everyone living in the residence, as well as a home inspection.

Add to that about 32 hours of intensive training, he said, in which "situational things like the problems and personal issues that can arise when fostering and how to react in different situations" are discussed.

During training, people learn that reunifying a foster child with its biological parent is an important function of foster care. Unlike adoption, according to the state Department of Children and Families, "foster care is meant to be temporary shelter for a child; generally the plan is for the parents to take their child back when they are able."

The Schreiners -- she is described by Colin, as "motherly;" he as "easygoing" -- make every effort to reunify him with his mom.

She is invited for dinner and holidays with the family, and Colin is urged to see her without them.

"Theirs is a unique situation," said Yvette Newton, the Schreiners' DCF social worker. Colin has his own. "They have embraced the birth parent. Their message to Colin is `You will live here and we will care for you, but you can go back.'"

"It was a change in my life," said Colin, who has found a comfortable spot in the Schreiner family. "It was a different surrounding, new experience and new way to look at things. You can look at it as a positive or negative thing going in. To me, this is a positive thing."

"Colin worked hard to become part of the family," said Nancy Schreiner, 50. "It's all about choices. Foster kids are coming from a not-too-terrific situation and they're working into something good."

Credit Colin's comfort with the Schreiners to the DCF, which strives to match children with compatible potential foster parents.

"We told them the age and gender of the child we wanted," John Schreiner said. "We didn't want a young child because we both work, and we didn't want a disabled child because we have a multistory house and can't accommodate a wheelchair. We wanted a youngster who was mostly independent."

Colin joined the Schreiner family a year before the youngest of their children, Harrison, graduated from Newtown High School.

"Colin had a fellow teen here," said John Schreiner, "and that was a good situation. We didn't change to suit him. He was just another kid here. We set the ground rules, the same rules our children lived by, of honesty, trust and respect for each other and other people. Colin began with a clean slate."

Asked if they had advice for people considering becoming foster parents, the Schreiners, who soon plan to welcome another teen teen, didn't hesitate.

"Don't be scared," replied John Schreiner. "Everybody should give back a little of what they received. If you can do it, do it."

"People ask me, `How can you give a child back?'" Nancy Schreiner said. "My answer is simple. We raised our kids to be independent and leave. We gave them a moral code to live by. You do the best you can and then watch them fly. The same applies to foster kids. If you have room in your heart and home, you should consider fostering."

For information about foster parenting in Connecticut, visit www.ct.gov/dcf.