Sex is a very complex thing. It's putting two bodies together, and it involved the heart and mind as well. Just assume there will be "problems" at first because there will be. Something won't work, or someone will get a cramp, or something is uncomfortable. It's all part of the process and it's all good.

If you go limp use it as an opportunity to give your new bride pleasure. This would show her you care about more than just your pleasure, and that would be a very good thing.

The first is usually far from perfect. It's exciting because it's the first time, and most guys don't last long because of that, but it's really not great sex. Great sex comes with practice. The key is seeing the practice for what it is and enjoying it for what it is.

Ok-having some concerns about performance on the wedding night due to a conservative upbringing re: views on sex is one thing but fears about performance due to past trauma, specifically rape is another. Have you received counseling for this? Have you talked openly with your fiancée about this? Maybe not details, but the trauma in general? do you have current concerns with how you view sex in light of your past trauma? Can you identify ways that she might touch you that could trigger negative thoughts or flashbacks? I am not suggesting that you necessarily answer these questions here but I do think these questions need to be considered.

ledgemoor wrote:Dude, don't borrow trouble. Do YOU have any beliefs that married sex is somehow wrong? Why have you trained yourself to look at sex with your future wife as negative?

I honestly can't say I do. I think it's more of a concern that because of my trauma I might withdraw from being honest about my desires or have a flashback of being raped and go limp & ruin the night & make my FW think that she isn't gorgeous, WHICH SHE IS!! I guess what I'm trying to say is that it wouldn't be something that I chose but my brain responding negatively because the only past experience was negative.

I understand your concerns but I agree with others here: the more you fear this kind of thing and think about it, the more chance you have of struggling. I would suggest you and your spouse take some time to pray before and on your wedding night, consecrating your bodies to God and one another and placing the cross of Christ between yourselves and every past negative experience and every sin. Start fresh with the blessing of God on this new covenant of marriage before Him.

On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis