(Closed) Future MIL very curious about budget from my parents

My family is paying for the majority of my upcoming wedding. My fiance’s family has offered to pay for the florals and for the rehearsel dinner, so pretty traditional set up. My parents will cover the rest. I have noticed that my future Mother-In-Law is VERY curious as to what my parent’ s plan to contribute, and has asked my fiance/her son on multiple occassions. It is driving me crazy! Am I in the wrong to think this is nosy? I cannot understand why it’s her business what my family gave me to provide for my wedding, if she doesn’t plan to go a less than traditional route.

Should I speak with her directly? Is this a common question from MILs?

When my Fiance finally told her the amount, she said “oh well, we couldn’t even afford half of that” which I found to be very judgemental.

Am I reading this wrong? Please help before I explode the next time she starts in on her 20 questions!

I don’t think your Fiance should have told her. Unless she wants to pay for anything and help out, what anyone else is paying is none of her damn business and she should have been told that. My MIL/FIL paid for the rehersal dinner. They asked NOTHING about anything else or what it costs. I don’t think it’s a normal question and just rude and nosy of her to be concerned with someone elses money.

@pinkshoes: I could not agree with you more. I find it so tacky honestly, and it is putting a strain between my fiance and I, as I do not want to insult his mother. I’m just conflicted about how to correctly approach this scenario, it seems very delicate but it is driving me crazy!

I would not speak to her directly, that’s just asking for trouble. It sounds to me as if she’s feeling inadequate in what his side is able to provide. I suggest your Fiance address that, something like- Mom, dont worry. We have it all under control, we really appreciate you helping with some of the expenses, it really means a lot to us. We couldn’t ask for anything more.

It is her sons wedding, she does deserve to know as much about it as your parents do, I think she’s feeling left out.

Really weird. She offered to pay for certain aspects of the wedding, and that’s what she’s responsible for and all she needs to know about. What does it matter how much your family is paying for the rest of your wedding day?

@Swunderlich14: Ooo super rude and none of her business. Your Fiance shouldn’t have said anything.

I remember at the rehearsal supper my Father-In-Law found out that my dad paid for my wedding, and he asked my dad how much this has all cost him and how much he wanted for compensation (my dad didn’t tell him anything other than to help us when we wanted to buy a house).

Some people just don’t understand that it is rude to ask money questions like that.

@Swunderlich14: I wish my Mother-In-Law knew how much my family was spending. She isn’t paying for a thing and is staying at my family’s house the days leading up to the wedding and attending my family’s thanksgiving dinner and has not offered to pay for a thing (they are well off).

Since your future in-laws were paying for flowers and the rehearsal, maybe she was just trying to get an idea of how much they will be contributing based on venue/the overall cost of the wedding? Why she made a snarky comment though I’m not sure, maybe she feels inadequate and like your parents might judge them for not being able to contribute that amount?

It’s none of your FMIL’s business what you’re parents have decided to contribute to the wedding. It was rude of her to ask and your Fiance should have declined answering.

My parent’s offered to contribute what ended up being 1/3 of our total wedding budget. My FIL’s later offered to contribute what ended up being 1/15. We accepted each of their offers graciously and with thanks.

My Fiance and I agreed that neither set of parents would ever know what the other gave. If the question arose, we’d simply say “everyone was helpful and generous. We didn’t expect anything and are thankful for what was offered.”

Does she already know the exact costs for her portions (the flowers and rehearsal dinner)? Maybe she was just trying to judge how much that was going to cost. On the other hand, my XMIL told me 10 years after our wedding that she thought I was a snob because my parents were well-off and they weren’t (and we had a very modest wedding).

@Swunderlich14: My parents are paying for the wedding, aside from the rehearsal dinner which my in-laws are taking care of. My Future Sister-In-Law has asked on a few occasions what my budget is. My Fiance told her, which I thought “hmm.. that wasn’t reallly her business..” and now she is obssessing over the fact that we won’t be able to have a wedding with this budget. So far we are at around $12,000 not including my dress. I don’t have a problem with it, and I KNOW 100% I will have a wedding I absolutely love/am proud of, so I don’t know why she is making it her problem or worrying so much.

However, if your FI’s family is paying for more than a few things here and there, I think it is somewhat reasonable to know what each side is contributing..

Ugh, so rude. My Future Mother-In-Law caught be extremely off-guard and I ended up telling her the budget, and I’ve regretted it every since. I don’t think you should say anything unless she brings it up. If your Future Mother-In-Law does bring it up again, simply say, “My parents’ finances are their private business, and I do not feel comfortable discussing this topic.”