Case Number 20684: Small Claims Court

Love At First Kill

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All Rise...

Judge David Johnson believes in love at first swill.

The Charge

The future is unwritten, but the past is inescapable.

The Case

Harry (Noah Segan) is a cutting-edge artist whose paintings of cardboard
boxes shockingly fail to bring him fame and fortune, so he's forced to live at
home with his insane and controlling mother (Margot Kidder, Superman). Things look up when a sexy
single mom moves next door and immediately starts walking around in low-cut
blouses.

Harry is understandably transfixed by the boobage and the two strike up a
smoldering affair, much to the consternation of his mother. While she and her
best friend gripe about these lustful shenanigans over cards, Harry realizes
that his erotic trysts may not be as baggage-free as possible: the ex-husband
shows up. Now Harry has to deal with his mother's interference and a potentially
violent confrontation with a jilted husband as well a series of mysterious
dreams that always end in murder.

This forgotten relic from 2008 has been unearthed and its title changed from
the bland The Box Collector to the red-hot sexy and nonsensical Love
at First Kill. It's also received some edgy disc cover art with a woman
dragging a body onto some railroad tracks. Flip the case over and you get to
gaze at the lovely Belgian actress Lyne Renee, staring at you and teasing all
manner of sexiness and mystery awaiting within the confines of the optical
disc.

And that's about as much as I'll give it: Lyne Renee is indeed gorgeous, a
MILF of epic proportions, and pretty much exactly the kind of bombshell you'd
picture for a femme fatale type to move next door and drive your testes
bonkers.

After Renee's sensuality, though, it's all downhill, straight to the Abyss
of Forgotten Psychological Thrillers, and that, my friend, is a crowded abyss.
Kidder gives it her all, but her character is so off-putting, the less she's on
screen the better. And the side plot of her best friend and her snake-wrangling
husband having marital difficulties is pointless and distracting.

The primary thrust is this affair and how it's driving Harry away from his
mother, and this too ultimately fizzles. Mommy dearest just grumbles a lot and
the estranged ex-husband poses no serious threat. This entire mess limps to the
finish line where a convoluted and hard-to-digest twist ending pops up,
rendering all that preceded it a profound waste of your time.