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Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Book Club

Hi peeps! I promised to answer some of the book club questions I put up previously. I'm curious to hear your thoughts on The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl and would love for some of you to answer the questions that jumped out at you.

I'm also announcing the April book club selections. I chose two books because one is a quick read and since I am highly recommending the audio version (which includes guest readers and brings the book to life in a special way), I feel like you'll get through it in no time (because you won't be able to stop listening).

First up is Amy Poehler's Yes Please. Following that will be Paula Hawkins' Girl on The Train. You can read one or both. I'm reading both. My book club question responses are below. Happy reading!

The anonymity of the internet, particularly in
its early days, when it was difficult to upload pictures and find out who was
friends with whom, allowed Issa to project a personality different from her
own. Was that the internet's "age of innocence," or the beginning of
so many troubles we now associate with hook up culture?

I was also into chat rooms when I was young.
The anonymity made it comfortable—especially for a shy girl like me. Then, I
started to realize people weren’t necessarily who they said they were. Enter “To
Catch A Predator” and see Nicole exit chat rooms stage left. It was also a time
when AOL was kind of petering out. I don’t know if that was the age of
innocence as much as it was the age of unknown evils. It was definitely the
predecessor to the “Catfish” era.

Like so many, Issa struggles with weight,
sometimes putting on thirty pounds more than what seems optimal. After
successfully completing the Master Cleanse, she writes, "once the
compliments come in, you're totally seduced into equating self-worth with
skinniness...The compliments were the most addictive drug of all." Can you
relate? Do you, too, "live for the validation that accompanies weight
loss"?

I don’t know that I “live for the validation
that comes with weight loss” but I can relate to enjoying someone saying I look
nice after losing weight. I have the same reaction when someone notices a
haircut, says my outfit is cute or compliments me on my work. I think
underneath that—at least for me-- is a need for approval, which I’m kinda
ashamed of. I aspire to a life where
only my approval is required for comfort and everything else is gravy. I’m
close but it wasn’t always that way.

When I was at my heaviest and doing Atkins I
did live for the compliments. Then I got sick and lost a shit ton of weight.
People still complimented but I was so worried about my health that I didn’t
appreciate the compliments. I was like “HELLO! Don’t you see I’m wasting away?”
Through that, my relationship with compliments changed but they still feel
really good.

I’ll confess that I did Master Cleanse before (painful
and not with nearly the same results as Issa—no six packs over here). I also
did Atkins (which worked best), Blood Type Diet, some sort of 6-week fat melt
and every at home exercise set from Tae-bo to Zumba. I was also vegan for a few years (I have lupus
and it helped tremendously) and now I’m somewhere between vegetarian and pescetarian.
At some point my doctor asked me to eat an egg a week and that opened the door
to cheese. Recently, I started having seafood while on beach vacations or an
occasional piece of salmon (not farmed) at home. I’ve officially made this
answer too long. Needless to say, I could relate to all of the weight loss and
diet talk. Still working on the six pack.

Issa writes amusingly of the apprehension she
felt as a young girl when she thought she might be expected to fulfill
stereotypes associated with being black: to either know the latest hit rap
lyrics by heart or to be able to dance like she came straight from a video
shoot. She felt as if she were expected to "put my hands on my knees, pop
my booty, and do the Tootsie Roll." How does she use humor to deflect the
anxiety? What stereotypes have people projected onto you, and how do you
deflect their assumptions?

I’m bi-racial (Black and White) but didn’t
have stereotypes projected on to me as much as I had people constantly questioning
my nationality. I’ve been yelled at on a flight to Puerto Rico for “not knowing
my native tongue.” A nail technician asked if I was Korean or Japanese. People
have asked my husband why he was dating a white girl. Race is an issue that
always rears its head but I have never felt the need to perform and prove my
blackness or whiteness, as it were. I did, however, drop it like it’s hot on
many occasions—especially in college (sorry, mom) and draw some surprised
reactions for being the “white girl” at the party with the big butt and the
ability to dance. I’d get the same while reaction riding with the windows down
and Wu Tang Clan blasting out of my car speakers. People use the most
ridiculous markers to determine whether others fit it. Issa’s humor on this
topic made me laugh out loud because I could remember parties and school dances
where people were talking about people who couldn’t dance. That same stereotypes
re: dancing and knowing rap lyrics still persist. I think the only thing to do
is laugh at it.

In "Leading Lady," Rae writes,
"You could say I have an entertainment complex. It stems from growing up
during the golden age of nineties television. I look back and realize what a
huge and amazing influence it was to have an array of diverse options to watch
almost every night of the week." She then laments how the subsequent
decade offered fewer options. What about now? Are our choices more diverse? Does
the internet with YouTube and the like, level the playing field in a
substantive way?

I think there are a number of diverse options
to watch on television this year and I hope the selection is growing. Shows like Blackish, Empire, Fresh off the
Boat, Jane the Virgin and Being Mary Jane are among my favorites. There are
also shows like The Walking Dead with diverse casts that reflect society. That
said, I can remember the golden age Issa is talking about. Nineties television
was diverse and entertaining and something happened in the millennium where
everything “diverse” was relegated to BET or UPN. It’s nice to see diversity
coming back to primetime network TV. I do think YouTube offers many options but
I am not sure it has leveled the playing field in a substantive way—at least
for me. My primary viewing is still on TV/Netflix. I know some web series can
be picked up for TV but I’m not sure its enough to level the playing field just
yet. It does provide a platform for creators who may not otherwise have been
seen but a trajectory like Issa’s (web series to TV)—particularly from creators
of color is still rare I think.

The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girlis about learning to accept yourself. In Rae's case she had
to accept that she was typically the most awkward girl in the room. How did
being an introvert limit her? If you are an introvert, how does it limit you?
Is the world easier for extroverts?

I think being an introvert is
limiting. That’s why I’m out here taking improv classes and planning to rappel
down a building to break out of my shell. In many ways I think the world
belongs to extroverts though I’ve read a few articles contradicting my
assertion.

Issa talks about being in a committed
relationship but not wanting to get married. What are your feelings on the need
for marriage?

Full disclosure, I am married and the decision
to do so felt like a statement about the level of commitment I have to my husband.
That said, I don’t think there is a NEED for marriage. You can certainly love
and be committed to each other without the certificate. I know a lot of people
make it a religious issue but much of the basis of marriage in modern society deals
with property rights, taxes, child custody and the like. Ultimately, it’s about
what people who love each other want/feel comfortable with.

Describe times in your life when you, too,
have felt awkward. Do you think it is something you outgrow or something that
is a part of you? How does Rae see her own awkwardness?

I’ve felt awkward during the
first 30-45 minutes of every networking event I’ve ever been to (unless I’m
with friends). Trying to walk up to strangers and figure out what to say is
painful for me. I’ve actually stood still and looked around a cocktail
reception after a conference and just stared at groups wondering what to say. I’ve
also chosen bathroom breaks and heading back to my room over networking during
out of town conferences. I think Issa sees the awkwardness as part of who she
is (though she doesn’t strike me as awkward in interviews). She has embraced
it. I’m trying to kick mine to the curb.

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hello, my name is nicole!
Nicole’s Curated Life started with a major shift in my life. Over time, it has become a place to share my journey to a life well lived. Whether through inspirational quotes, recipes, music or fitness and beauty tips, the goal is always to encourage my readers to embrace everything in their stories and use what they’ve collected (tangible and intangible) as tools for living a fulfilled life.