The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Sunday, 4 March 2012

British People To Be Held Hostage This Summer

A Government Minister has today launched a campaign to make British people stay at home for their summer holiday this year. "We know that we've made foreign holidays a forlorn hope this year for most people, but we've launched this campaign just in case one or two are thinking of escaping," a Government spokesman told our reporter. "Our thinking on this is two-fold. First we are very concerned that British people might visit countries that are actually better than their own - which is just about all of them except for Greece and Syria - and, second, we want Britain to appear full during the Olympic Games. It would be very embarassing if wealthy foreigners come to Britain for the Games and find that we've all bogged off to escape them. Of course these restrictions will not apply to MP's, members of the Royal family and other such highly successful benefit scroungers. In any case, having expended so much energy on making the British people thoroughly miserable, we wouldn't want it all go to waste during the summer would we?"