Not Entirely Unscathed

05Sep

The first three days of Kindergarten went well for James. He gets to go to big kid school, and every evening he gets Lego time, so really how could it go otherwise. So who is having issues then? Me mememe meeee! If you see me in the grocery store, here’s why I might freeze like a deer blinded by headlights, if you ask me how I am.

Paperwork. Getting James waivered out of his assigned school district, into the one we desired, started a title wave of paperwork that hasn’t ended now that school has begun. There were forms to fill out during Kindergarten orientation and more paperwork comes home with James after class. PTA volunteer paperwork, bank-a-meal form, profile information, scholastic book club, on and on. Signing James up for before and after-school care required more form filling out that was virtually the same as his public school paperwork.

Preparedness. I was putting James’s lunch together, and suddenly came to a horrible realization, what if he doesn’t know how to open say, a zip lock bag of carrots, or peel apart the packaging on his string cheese? He’ll have to ask for help and the other kids might make fun of him. James also has a tendency to start pulling his pants down as he’s walking to the bathroom. I had visions of him shuffling out of class with his pants around his ankles. Seeing his naked butt turn the corner to the bathroom at home, is super cute. Somehow I don’t think his teacher would be amused. We’ve been running through a lot of what if scenarios but I’m more than just a little anxious.

Growing up. James is all about doing everything by himself, he’s definitely trying on his independence with varying degrees of success, and I have to let him. But he’s distancing himself as well, which is harder to take. When we are walking through parking lots or are in the store he no longer automatically slips his hand into mine. Matter-o-unhappy fact, he doesn’t want to hold my hand any more period the end. Walking him to class, through the confusion of parents and other kids, James was clearly scared, but he wouldn’t take my hand, and didn’t want a hug goodbye. There are other examples, but going on and on would be whiney.

On the outside, I’m confident and relaxed Mommy. The goal is to raise an independent child right? A child that will grow into a self-sufficient productive adult, right?

With all that this week has brought, my inner mommy is much like a balloon that is rocketing around expelling all its air in a hissy shriek. It has all been happening way too fast from the moment he was born.