sword

It takes years of training to become a ninja, so don’t go stealing swords on your first day.

At least, “still in training” better be the excuse of this ninja, who broke into a comic book store in Anchorage, Alaska and stole a katana sword on Friday. In a move that would get any warrior removed from their dojo, or at the very least, reprimanded by their sansei, this ninja was caught on camera. It doesn’t even look like they're trying to evade the its lens.

There are just so many things wrong with this scenario. First, like, if you’re dressing up as a ninja, and you’re not going to find any cover, then, jeez, I don’t know, go back to training. Second, what is this ninja doing getting their steel from a comic book store? That thing better have been stolen from this ninja and they are merely retrieving it. Third, bring a smoke bomb, dude.

What is this world coming to? A ninja should be as elusive as a shadow, and this one came in like bull in a china shop. Nothing else was stolen, but if the ninja’s in Anchorage are this bad, law enforcement really needs to step it up, unless you want your town overrun by low-rent ninjas.

Maybe that security camera was just really fast? No, that’s stupid. Get it together, ninja. Don’t be seen.

All a Virginia Beach mother wanted to do was order a foam Minecraft sword for her son's eighth birthday from Toys R Us. Well, apparently, someone in that supply line had a sh*tload of ammunition they wanted to get rid of.

Because when the online shopper opened the UPS delivered package Sept. 30, that's what she found.

Investigators said that the juvenile who went behind the counter brandished a large silver knife that was more than one foot long. That's when the cashier pulled out the sword to defend himself and chase off the juveniles.