Across-the-Board (acrosstheboardblog.com)

This entertainment blog showcases crazy news, pictures, and celebrity gossip. Occasionally, I talk about my life as well. Consider it slapdash if you will, I prefer to describe my actions as... Across the Board. Updated whenever I feel like it.

Friday, July 28, 2006

A gas station owner's wet dream

Pontiac collides mid-air with Jeep?

Police said a bizarre accident in Beavercreek killed two people on Thursday. Officers said a car hit an embankment while traveling south, went airborne and hit a Jeep traveling the opposite direction.

A witness at the scene said the small car went over the embankment and collided midair with the Jeep.

Two off-duty Cedarville firefighters were the first at the scene. They said there was nothing they could do to save the two victims. Investigators said the woman driving the car and the man driving the Jeep died at the scene. Police said they believe the woman caused the crash.

Sgt. Dennis Evers said the woman “lost control, went up over the hill. Once she got onto the apex of the hill, it went airborne and struck the Jeep as it came over the hill.”

Officials said the ramp causes crashes in good weather, but when the pavement gets wet, there is a need for drivers to pay attention to the posted speed limits. The speed limit in the area is 45 mph, but police said too many people ignore it. Article here.

"Circle, Circle, Dot, Dot", YouTube MegaMix

Circle Circle, Dot Dot is a song by Jamie Kennedy and Stu Stone that is featured on their MTV show Blowin' Up.

The song circle circle, dot dot is also a playground song that supposedly serves to immunize a child from the affliction of cooties. The words are as follows:

Circle, circle.Dot, dot.Now you got your cootie shot.

The words circle and dot are accompanied by the corresponding shape being traced (or, in some cases, drawn with a pen or marker) on the recipient's hand or arm. If the cootie shot was self-administered, "you" and "your" may be substituted with "I" and "my". In some areas a self-administered shot is not considered effective (the "shot" is considered to have been already infected with cooties). Wiki.

What Will Hollywood Look Like in 2026?

What will today's star kids look like in 20 years? US magazine asked a forensic imaging specialist to blend mom and dad's features together to find out. Click on each pic to watch these celebrity babies morph into future babes:

David Hasselhoff, too drunk to fly on a plane?

Baywatch star David Hasselhoff was banned from a British Airways flight after turning up drunk, it was reported today.

The TV legend was told he could not board a plane headed for Los Angeles shortly after arriving at BA’s first-class lounge at Heathrow at around 7am yesterday morning.

The 53-year-old actor was seen staggering around, mumbling to people and even attempted to pick up a shop manageress, according to The Sun.

The report said Hasselhoff downed bottles of beer and shots of whisky as he waited for his flight and told BA staff he was upset about his divorce from wife Pamela after 16 years.

The actor also wandered around the lounge, propping himself up on a pillar, it was claimed. A witness told The Sun: “A passenger asked if he was David Hasselhoff and he said: ‘Not at all. You must be mistaken.’ “He wasn’t aggressive. He just had problems standing.”

BA staff told Hasselhoff he was unfit to board the plane, and he agreed with them. He was told he could board a later flight.

He later climbed into a buggy to go to a plane after the captain and crew said they were happy to take him if he had no more to drink.A BA spokeswoman said tonight: “A male passenger was refused boarding after he was deemed unfit to travel.” Article here.

Jodi the TV chick didn't find this very funny

Scarlett Johansson & her strip club experience

Scarlett Johansson revealed on Wednesday's Late Night With David Letterman that she celebrated her 21st birthday at a strip club and got a lapdance.

Scarlett said: "When I was 20 we went to Disneyland, but this year my brother wanted to go to a strip club, so we went there" She was hesitant when someone ordered her a lapdance, but she accepted. She continued with: "I never know what to say, so I ask questions like, Are you in school? [or] Is Candy your real name? So she's kind of gyrating into me," she continued, "[but] she was so thin that her pelvic or hip bone or some kind of bone bruised me. It was horrible!"

Colbert makes fun of morning news programs

Mean prank, sweet revenge, tin of dog poop

16 ounce tin of dog poop:When your not so favorite person recieves this mean prank, they'll think it's a small can of cookies. When they open it, they be presented with our gift from our 90 pound pitbull "Tufft"; oh sweet revenge. Its presented to them on a plesent little bed of easter grass, and sealed in an air tight container. They'll never know, until they've opened it and the smell knocks them to the floor. It's The Ultimate Revenge.

"So is a unicorn just a horse that has one horn sticking out of its head? Oh."

"I’d rather massage a chick with pudding."

"We’re getting a cat and we’re naming it taint."

"You should send her a text message and say that you want to rub her down with
applebutter"

"Never send a girl carnations unless you want her to say, 'Crap, I got
carnations.'"

"I've decided photos of girls on boats are sexier than photos of girls on the
beach."

"I’m worried that I’m going to run out of people to ask to be friends on Facebook."

"Eat it with your hands it's tomato-saucy!"

"I hate when movies try to make food visually stimulating."

"She's been living for 16 years in KY jelly./Yeah, that can't be good on your
eyebrows"

"I think pregnant ladies are scary"

"I think we should wait till it's late./When we get back it will be late./Exactly"

"The party is at Jerry's Bait Shop! OH-OH"

"I can't, I have to start studying for a final I have in two days... and I haven't even
taken the book out of the saran wrap."

"I don’t have to ask her for permission, I just have to persuade her to let me."

"You should have paddled him with your penis at his wedding!"

"Jeez-la-weez!"/Did you really just say Jeez-la-weez?"

"Listen here bucko!/Did you really just say bucko?"

"[Ramsey barges into Paul’s house and interrupts a group of people watching a serious
movie with the lights dimmed], “Paul you’re such a damn liar, and you smell like ham” –
Drunk Ramsey after the Rascal Flatts concert

"(calling me from the casino buffet) Dude -- quit screen your calls, I wanted to tell
you about the crazy amount of food I ate, I seriously, you’re probably going to think this
is an exaggeration but it’s not. [excited] I ate two steaks, probably about 35 shrimp, a
thing of carved turkey, a baked potato crab, a crab rangoon, some fried rice, two rolls, and
a teeny piece of pie at the end. Fucking most food I’ve ever eaten -- this place is fuckin’
[short pause] we have got to start coming here on Thursdays! Anyways, I’ll be home in a
little bit, later bye."

"Birth control is the best invention ever... [pause], so are condoms"

"So I've been thinking of taking up smoking as a hobby..."

"You would of been funny in the 80's"

"I wonder what T.J. Ford is up to?"

"You made out with him because you wanted to feel his suede jacket? That's awesome."