2013

I’ve got a confession to make: I’ve got a bug up my ass about Chris Christie. He scares me in a way that no Republican does. It occurs to me that as Mitt Romney sinks into the quicksand of evasive, duplicitous bullshit of his own making, Chris Christie would be having a much better go of it this year against President Obama. Although I’m loathe to writing the following words, I must acknowledge that Ann Coulter, the High Priestess of Hate, was right when she said, “If you don’t run Chris Christie, Romney will be the nominee and we’ll lose.” And lose they will this year. Hallelujah! Thank you, Jesus!

The governor of New Jersey isn’t a wooden establishment patrician that lacks a common touch. He is a relatable everyman that has a broad appeal, which keeps me up at night. If he’s smart, he’ll use Ann Coulter as a battering ram and bridge to the fringe crazies she’s made a fortune from as a best-selling author. Her support alone makes him viable and his recent cozying up to a racist assclown like Steve King indicates he’s quite serious about exploring a run in 2016. I miss the good ole days when “imminent threats” were dealt with by preemptive war. Chris Christie is an imminent threat to Democratic designs on the White House in 2016 and we need to declare war on his ambitions. Now!

That’s where Cory Booker comes in. The only way to head off Chris Christie in 2016 is to defeat him in 2013. I’m not one of those who believe Christie won’t run for re-election. He loves the power too much and New Jersey has one of the most powerful governorships in the nation. There’s no better way to position oneself on the right than to vanquish an ambitious Negro for power. If he’s smart, Christie will assemble some of the best GOP talent in 2013 and their job will be to amass a huge war chest and a landslide victory in preparation for 2016. I remain unconvinced that Christie is beatable in 2013, but I know full well that Cory Booker is the only contender that could pull off that heavy lift.

Booker, if he’s also smart, will assemble the best talent the Democratic Party has to offer and will turn 2013 into a marquee race and opening skirmish for 2016. All he has to do is sell his party on the necessity of defeating Christie and eliminating him as a future threat. He should be able to do that by sweet talking some heavyweight Obama bundlers into helping him out. Get your popcorn, people. This race is gonna be the fun one to watch.