Wednesday, May 12, 2010

All husbands want to know why their wives may be prone to cheat on them. If you know why she might stray, then you should also be able to figure how to ensure her continued fidelity.

I do not want to indulge my tendency toward rank speculation here. So I am happy to report that I have just discovered some semi-scientific data that demonstrates clearly why and under what circumstances wives are impelled toward infidelity.

The information comes from a website called Ashley Madison. If you watch Oprah and Dr. Phil you know that it specializes in arranging adulterous affairs. I will not link it; if you want to you will surely be able to find it on your own.

The purveyors of adultery who run Ashley Madison have a simple statistical method for determining why women cheat. They look for stark variations in the number of women signing up on their site. Once you know which days produce the most sign-ups you can draw a rational conclusion.

The days with the highest sign-ups, roughly ten times more than normal are the days that follow these holidays: 1. Valentine's Day. 2. Mother's Day. 3. New Years Day. Link here.

Could it be any clearer, guys? If you are surprised, you are misdirecting your attentions and affection.

The next time you think that Valentine's Day is some kind of sappy, sentimental silliness that is beneath your virile dignity, think again. And the next time that you imagine that a real man can get away without organizing something special for Mother's Day and New Year's Eve, think about Ashley Madison.

You might not get it. You might not understand the appeal of Valentine's Day, but your wife does. And that is what really matters. If you disappoint your wife on one of these big three holidays, if you cannot be bothered to do something special, she is going to think that you just do not care about her.

8 comments:

While Valentine's, Mother's Day, New Years are universally celebrated days, couldn't the case be made that forgetting an anniversary or birthday would also be critical days? They would be much harder to trace in a predictable pattern over the larger population, because everyone celebrates the latter individually.

Of course, Becky is right. I am sure that forgetting birthdays and anniversaries are very likely to be moments where wives re-evaluate their commitments.

About the point Anonymous makes, I should have been clearer. I think that the sign-up rates at Ashley Madison reflect something like a tipping point, a straw that broke the camel's back moment.

In these cases I would assume that said husband has been similarly inconsiderate and disappointing in his conduct for quite some time. The failure to remember Valentine's Day would simply crystallize the point for the wife.

As a devil's advocate for Anonymous, if that's all it takes to make/keep her happy, it seems simple enough compared to divorce. As they say, sometimes it is the little things that matter most. I get his point, I think, that at face value it makes women appear petty.