So, for lunch today I took a walk and stopped at a Dairy Queen for a chili dog.

I was sitting outside at a picnic table minding my own business when this crusty old man walks up and starts ranting:

"Fucking people come knocking on my fucking door all hours of the god damn night asking me if I got any money."

I just continue to eat my chili dog.

He continues ranting.

"I tell ya, when young people turn against you, that's when you know your fucked, what's the world coming to, I'm not from here I'm from Tennessee."

I go, "uh huh."

I notice he has gravy running down his chin.

He then starts acting angry.

"Those fucking [n-words] in there told me to wipe my fucking mouth, I told them fuck you [n-words] I'll wipe my god damn mouth when I fucking feel like it - I hate that shit, no one tells me what to do, I don't care if your a fucking [n-word] a priest or a cop."

I am now getting very annoyed.

Just then a fat old woman walks into the Dairy Queen and the old man yells, "Where are you going sweet heart."

He raps his cane against the ground and slowly walks in the general direction of the entrance, the then goes to open the door, gets half way in and it slams shut on his shoulder and the last thing I hear him yell is, "GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKER - SON OF A BITCH."

At which point it takes every ounce of self control I have not to loose it and burst out laughing like a madman.

I can understand old folks yelling at kids on their damn grass to get the hell off their damn grass, but I've seen old folks yell at people who are just walking by on the sidewalk, no way near their property. WTF!?! That's not their property is it? I always thought the sidewalks were the State's property?

Anyways...

The best one was 5 years ago when I asked an old man what time it was (my watch battery had just died) and he replied "Huh? What time is it? IT'S TIME TO GET A FUCKING WATCH! Damn kids..."

Not only was I shocked by his response, (because I assumed that old people would be nice), but I was also pissed that this elderly person would be such a fucking prick instead of helping some young lad out by telling him the time.
Crazy old bastard, eh...he's probably six feet under now.

Oh you old folks...As bat-shit insane as you all are, we still love you for it.

When i wasa fishmonger at a local market here, I had an old man come up to me and madly start stuffing clams in his jacket.. when I inquired why he was pilfering clams the man said... and i quote "I speak to the clams, and they say they dont like you" he then continued stuffing clams in his jacket till the manager came and escorted him to the front of the store.

In all honesty, the only ranting old person I've ever met was the asshole that ran my sister over with a shopping cart... "Damn kids running around the damn grocery store without any parents that give a damn!" (my mom was RIGHT THERE...)

Sure, my grandpa had his moments (I'll save that story for a car troubles thread)... But just talking to him, you would never know he had cancer or was in pain or anything... Even at the end... All he wanted was the damn oxygen mask off...

I once had the mis-fortune of having an old man lecture me about his prostate in a store. Told me having a prostate exam is a honor. My mistake, really; I was evidently in the same aisle as the enemas he was looking for, and rather than him just pick it up and walk off, he felt the need to force a conversation about his medical problems. I have never wanted to escape a situation so badly before in my life.

I seem to attract crazy people in the street, old or otherwise. First one that springs to mind was years ago I was two corners away from walking on to the main street here, a woman comes running up to me screaming "The sky's on fire! We are all about to die!" She grabbed me and kept ranting, I made a hasty exit thinking "Oh well, another loony singles me out". As I got to the top of the street I could see about a mile away, near the end of the street a three storey building was on fire. Huge flames, lots of smoke, not Armageddon after all.

well, at my primary school, some old man wandered into the school andstarted raving about how kids have no respect, but i think that was just the supply teacher. he was going on about '1 minute penalties' or something. i think it was mister kermode or something like that, which roughly means toilet, but d_c's old foulmouth beats that story