Does Size Really Matter?

Are you a somewhat chagrined owner of a small, or even a pocket dog? Do you continually tell people that you used to own big dogs? Are you embarrassed when your dog screeches like a dwarf banshee at the dog park when any big dog looks cross-eyed at him or when she nips the ankles of all the other dogs?

Do you catch a glimpse of yourself walking your sweatered pooch in a store window and worry that you are becoming one of the doting elderly?

If you are ready to overcome your feelings of small dog inadequacy, then our easy Mini-Hound of the Baskervilles Program is for you!

In our 150-page booklet, you’ll learn how to avoid naming your dog with any of the cutesy monikers that come so easily when you first get a Small Dog. No more Suzie, Fuzzy, or Anton. You’ll get a full list of dog names going back into antiquity that will let you proclaim the name of your dog with pride. Names with history and clout, like Duke, Killer, Dracul, Napoleon, Spike, and Nero, will command the respect you crave and deserve.

And don’t worry about changing your dog’s name. You’ll see her gratitude in her proud step and confident gait when you call her name out across the dog park. She will come proudly and promptly with a look on her face that says, “Yes, I AM Lucretia Borgia. Fear me.”

The Premium Package comes with spiked collar, studded muzzle, skull and crossbones lead, and a special glow-in-the-dark sweater with a biohazard warning icon all designed to boost the esteem of dog and owner.

But that’s not all! With our easy method perfected by guard dog trainers in Switzerland, your little Champ will snarl on command or become as docile as a Newfie with the snap of your fingers. And you won’t lose those fingers in the process!

You WILL lose that apologetic demeanor when you become one of the thousands of happy–and yes, proud–small dog owners. No more group sessions in dim rooms lined with doggie bon bons and a veneer of shame. Use the special offer code GODZILLA when you order your Mini-Hound of the Baskervilles Program online. Or call today!

Mini-Hound of the Baskervilles is a trademark of Diana Diehl Presents; all rights reserved.

No discounts for members of Small Dogs Anonymous. Buck up and own that dog!

Author note: our 60 lb. husky/shepherd cross–Pezzini, named after Sara Pezzini, the wild and rebellious heroine of the Witchblade television series–died last month after a protracted battle with an autoimmune disease. Within a week, I could not bear it. I had not been canine-free for 38 years. Our new cheagle–dubbed Kaylee after the wide-eyed mechanic on yet another TV show, Firefly– weighs in at 17 lbs. and is a dear thing, screech and all.