“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (4.07): Who let the beards out?

Oh, Willy Shakespeare, how you perfectly encapsulate every Rizzles fangirls’ feelings about Jane and Maura at this very moment. Because, if you think about it, we really ask for so little from this show. We ask for it to give us two strong female lead characters and let them be friends who are independent and interesting and have better things to do with their time than moon over boys together. This isn’t Sweet Valley High, folks. But instead, smack! Big Blue Sedan of Boycrazy hits us like a freight train. Metaphor, my friends, is everything.

*Minus, of course, the upcoming discovery of child abuse, sexual assault and general pervyness.

Jane and Maura are in their running outfits. Can we take a moment to thank the costume department for all that spandex. Let’s be grateful for the things we can be grateful for this week. Like dat ass in in those pants. Can I get an amen?

Jane has hurt her ankle on their morning jog together. Or so we’re led to believe. I mean, we didn’t see it happen. Who is to say it wasn’t hurt earlier that morning doing other sorts of physical activities. These activities can be very physically demanding and are not always performed horizontally. Changing positions can really spice things up. And, occasionally, place undue pressure on one’s ankles.

Jane doesn’t want Maura to call 911 because it’s just a sprained ankle. Also, she probably doesn’t want to explain what they were up to when she twisted her ankle. Maura helps her gimpy girl get up on her feet, with much whimpering and moaning – but not the good kind like in the morning. Maura insists Jane see a doctor, but Jane is all, “What is the point of having a genius doctor girlfriend if I can’t get her to look at my boo boos?”

Well, the woman has a point. Maura gets on her knees in front of Jane. Yes, please, feel free to pause that frame and insert your own storyline. We’ll wait. I haven’t sorted out my sock drawer in a while. I think it might be time for a mass sock orphans funeral. Damn that other dimension filled with mismatched single socks. Oh, you’re done. Good, where were we?

Oh, Jane is being a baby about her injury. She tells Maura she doesn’t need to go to the ER. She tells Maura she hates her. She tells Maura to please stop touching it. You see, these things can get so swollen. So, so swollen. We’re still talking about her ankle, right?