This Thursday was quite special, I had my colleagues over my place for a BBQ. It all happened last week when my boss suggested we had a bbq as a long-awaited ”cohesion” activity. You see, in the Army we try to have cohesion activities once in a while to ”develop stronger bonds” and get to know each other better. More commonly, we just take it as a chance to go off on a working day. Ever since I joined my branch, we were supposed to come up with one such cohesion to celebrate my incoming and such. It has been some time since, and 4 new guys have joined and 2 left since then. I guess our branch is really that busy…

It went quite well, considering that I had some experience only a few days ago when my family had another BBQ on sunday. I guess you could say my family is quite a regular user of the pits… Anyway, it always pleases me to host such events. When you see everybody having a good time and enjoying themselves, as a host you know you have done your part. Then it will come the time when you stop hosting and really join in the fun.

Towards Friday, we had to attend some sports day meet. Hence, 3 of my colleagues stayed over. It was the first time any friends really stayed over. It is probably embarrassing to say this, but it was only the second time i have watched a horror movie. We watched Ju-on 2 and 3 on youtube through my xbox. It was quite a quaint experience, with all the lights off and the whole experience of watching it at 2am in the morning. I guess I am not such a pussy after all *chuckles* or maybe my childhood is so screwed that I am able to make all the right guesses of what is going to happen next…

Have you ever had the feeling that you had to do something urgently to fulfill some inner urge in yourself? No i am definitely not referring to some sexual urges… But while heading home from my old camp at SAFTI, the train passed by chinese garden. I looked out at the window and saw the grounds and the lakes, filling me with an unexplainable urge to return back soon. To run or just take a walk around it. I knew inside me that I had to do it this week.

Come Saturday, I told my dad that i was going to fix up our bikes rotting in the basement and he went along to help me. When I went down, I didn’t even recognize which bike was ours. I eventually wiped it clean (the dust was so thick I couldn’t even read the gear settings) and my dad helped to replace the front axle as some bastard had stole it. That same person tried to cut through the bicycle lock but a thin strand of twisted metal wire stopped him. I am thankful indeed to my dad who scrimps on everything except for seemingly useless things like security. Even the bicycle stand was not spared. Eventually, i rode out with the help of directions from Google Maps and actually managed to reach my destination. Sometimes I think we take Google too much for granted. I pray the future will not be one that I have to pay to get such information. After locking my bike at the train station, I made my way on foot, which I am glad I did as cycling was prohibited in the park.

Chinese Garden is really such an underrated place in Singapore. It is really a slice of nature and peace, far away from any main roads, high rise buildings or urbanised structure. You think of places like hortpark, east coast or any other parks and somehow or another, you can never get the same state of serenity that is so unsettling in here. It may be a good thing that people avoid it due to all the bangladeshis workers who frequent it. As I went through the park, my pace naturally slowed down…it just felt right to do so.

I can’t deny that I have a slight idea why was I so drawn to the idea of returning to this place. I guess I needed some closure. As I walked around, I found myself entering Japanese Garden and before I knew it, I realized where was I. A place of…unprecedented joy and warmth…a time ago. Looking at it now, I realized how beautiful the whole place actually was. The bench is still there. I went ahead and took a seat. Quaint, i thought to myself. There were a few new things. A tree. It was now shady, despite the sun. It felt good, looking over the pretty little lake and all the bonsai placements. I can’t help but feel that something is missing…not only from the exact present but in my life. I guess it was the first time I shed a tear in public.

Sometimes, when I look back, I think to myself, should I just be really happy that there were so many happy memories that i could cherish and look back after I grow up? Is it just a phase? Or it was something that could have been more, but just that the circumstances were not right? Do I really miss her, or do I miss being in a relationship? I think I need help, but for now I shall just sleep it off. Its much better this way.