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Sunday, August 16, 2009

50) Attachments

"Where your treasure is, there also is your heart." Matt.6:21

As always, Jesus politely gets to the truth using a few words. Rephrased bluntly, He cautions us that attachments make us slaves. This slavery is well described by Albert Schweitzer: "If you have something you can't do without, you don't own it; it owns you". In the Bhagwat Gita, Krishna refers to the wisdom of being detached: "the Wise act without attachment". Dr. Desmond Biddulph, one-time Vice President of the Buddhist Society, explains this idea: "The need to look up to something greater than ourselves is imprinted in all of us. When we no longer gaze up in wonder, we start searching elsewhere, and this is when our difficulties begin. Within the heart of all of us is a special space, prepared for the Spirit. When the Spirit is undervalued, neglected and forgotten, other things come to take its place. Thus begin our wanderings, constantly chasing after pleasure and security, in flight from discomfort and fear, never at home, never at peace". Isn't it clear, that the more of heaven in our lives, the less of earth there will be?

In his thought-provoking book:'You'll see it, when you believe it', Dr.Wayne W.Dyerlists the attachments that get the better of us: 1)Money 2)Possessions 3)Some Persons4)Our Opinions 5)Our Past 6)Our bodies. Based on our perceptions, we are enslaved by such attachments. For one it is money; for another it is his mistress. Children are not excluded. For one it is the TV; for another it is the bad company she keeps. She would rather leave home than be kept from those she call 'friends'. Anais Nin gives us the reason for such behavior: "We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are". With distorted perceptions, we find exaggerated importance in our attachments. Money becomes an obsession, because that is how important it becomes.

1) MONEYSteven Good(52), Head of one of the largest Estate Auction Houses in USA, shot himself dead. He was one of the high profile casualties of the Economic Crisis. AdolfMerchle(74), German Billionaire, threw himself under a train after he lost large sums of money. Money defined their lives. When they lost it, they found no purpose in their lives. Commenting on people who are attached to wealth, Bob Scheinfeld, in his book, 11th.Element, wrote: "I know people with very little money and a few possessions who are incredibly happy, lead a fulfilled life and are serene. I also know people with hundreds of millions, who are miserable. It is not money that creates reality. It is what's inside us that does it". To strengthen our case, we have a remarkable insight on riches from Alexander the Great. When he conquered a city, all the loot was in a valley before him. A soldier said to him: "Sire, what more can you ask for?" In a pensive mood, Alexander replied: "But it doesn't last".Do we and our children understand his meaning?

2) POSSESSIONS"The best things in life, aren't things." Art BuchwaldWhen we look at what we want and compare it with what we have, we will be unhappy. But when we think of what we really deserve, considering our shortcomings, we will thank God for what we have. In this context, Oscar Wilde's cryptic comment must be given some thought: "In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not gettingwhat we want, and the other is getting it". It is time we taught our children to tone down expressions like: 'my big house', 'my big car', 'my big toy' and so on.

3) PERSONSHow often do we not put some people even ahead of God? To some the boss is a demigod;to others a child is the centre of life, and when that child dies or leaves home for good, life becomes meaningless; to some others the death of a spouse is the end of the road. Strong bonds are good. But excessive attachment destroys. Neither do we have the space to grow, nor do we give the other space to grow.

4) OPINIONSOur ideas and opinions are very much like our children; ours are the best. It is this obduracy that brings about a break down in relationships. With each one not willing to compromise, the discussion is dead-locked and what is left is simmeringdiscontent. Opinions are not beliefs or convictions. E.g.,there can be no debate on honesty, but opinions can differ on political ideology, skills of actors or skills of authors, and the like. To confuse an opinion with a belief, is nothing short of ignorance in the garb of certainty. Children should be counseled against heated arguments on movie stars they idolize or sports celebrities they want to emulate.

5) PASTPolishing old brass is favorite occupation for those who live in the past. 'When I was in USA--', 'When I was a General--', 'When I was Headmistress--" and so on, arestatements often made by such people. The past has its purpose - to provide lessons.Besides that, the past is dead. To hanker after the past is a weakness that should be discouraged, even in children.

6) BODIESIn Singapore, there is an old woman who visits the Beauty Palour everyday. Not that she is movie star or a social bigwig, but that she is love with her body. Such people will be traumatized with age and will find the thought of death hateful. Some of us pamper our bodies with exotic herbal treatment and expensive body-care products. To keep our bodies in good health and good shape is a duty. But to overdo such attention, is shifting focus from the essentials. Children who spend long hours before a mirror should be weaned way from the habit and be reminded of other tasks on their to-do list.

Fittingly, we shall end this post with the words of Meister Eckart: "He who would be serene and pure needs but one thing, detachment".

The Author

Quotes on Parenting

"What gift has Providence bestowed on man that is so dear to him as his children?" Cicero.

"Dads don't need to be tall and broad-shouldered and handsome and clever.Love makes them so." Pam Brown.

"The best combination of parents consists of a father who is gentle beneath his firmness,and a mother who is firm beneath her gentleness." Sydney Harris.

Extracts from a Prayer of General MacArthur

Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat; humble and gentle in victory. Build me a son who will know thee and know that to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge.Let him learn to stand up in a storm; here let him know compassion for those who fall. Let him master himself before he seeks to master other men. Let him reach into the future, yet never forget the past. Let him always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously. Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of true greatness; the open mind of true wisdom and the meekness of true strength. Then I his father willdare to whisper: 'I have not lived in vain'.

Extracts from Abraham Lincoln's letter to his son's teacher

He will have to learn that all men are not just; all men are not true. But teach him that for every enemy, there is a friend. Let him learn early that bullies are the easiest to lick. Teach him that it is far more honourable to fail, than to cheat. Teach him to sell his brawn and brain to the highest bidder, but never put a price tag on his heart and soul. Teach him always to have sublime faith in himself.

"On Bringing Up Children"

" Your children are not your children.They are sons and daughters of life's longing for itself.And it is your awesome responsibility to pass the torch of civilization to them.Teach them to think. To wonder. To dream. To meet triumph and disaster equally. Teach them the difference between flattery and praise. Teach them the joy of a sunset. The joy of sharing. The joy of discovering the unknown.More than anything else teach them to WALK TALL"-Khalil Gibran