The Frisky Guidebook: Vice City

In the words of the great Will Smith, “Welcome to Miami…” where people really do party “all night on the beach ‘til the break of dawn.” As the sun gloriously beats down, the streets are lined with so many al fresco diners and strolling locals that you start to wonder if anyone actually works in this town. But really, how can they? With its tropical climate, gorgeous inhabitants, fiery cuisine and – Will would be amiss if we didn’t mention them – white-sand beaches, it’s no wonder why Miami clocks in as America’s sexiest city. So grab your sunscreen (extra SPF here!) and hang on while The Frisky shows you how to get a taste of the real Miami heat with these sizzlin’ South Florida hot spots.

OFFBEAT DATES

World Erotic Art Museum1205 Washington Avenue
(305) 532-9336, WEAM.com
A good sex museum is hard to find, but the WEAM has hit the proverbial G-spot. Peruse thousands of artifacts in the Naomi Wilzig collection, which features paintings, sculptures, tapestries and more from biblical to modern times. It’s the best sex show $15 bucks can buy!

Monkey Jungle14805 SW 216th Street
(305) 235-1611, MonkeyJungle.com
Their slogan is “Where humans are caged and monkeys run wild!” and it couldn’t be more a propos. This 30-acre habitat is a protected home for nearly 400 endangered primates and is the only public one of its kind. Cater to your partner’s wild side with this quirky adventure and get inspired for a hot night of you-know-what sex later.

Miami Jai-Alai3500 N.W. 37th Avenue
(305) 633-6400, Miami-Jai-Alai.com
Forget the Dolphins or the Heat – try out an atypical sporting event by taking in a game of jai-alai. You can place bets and get your gamble on with this lacrosse-meets-squash sport that’s highly celebrated in the state of Florida. In fact, Miami is home to the world’s largest fronton with a capacity of 6,500! Take that, Shaq.

SEXIEST HOTELS

The Raleigh1775 Collins Avenue
(305) 534-6300, RaleighHotel.com
Featuring a breathtaking pool that’s notorious for its sexy local sunbathers, this historic oceanfront property – originally built by architect Lawrence Murray Dixon in 1940 – has been renovated to preserve its art deco history, but with a lavish modern twist. Brought to you by hotelier Andre Balazs (Uma’s bf), it’s a treat for both tourists and natives alike. Oh, and the weekend brunch is to die for as well.

The Setai2001 Collins Avenue
(305) 520-6000, Setai.com
The walls of the famed Dempsey Vanderbilt Hotel have recently been redesigned to fuse its architectural history with a prominent Asian influence. They’re all about luxury at this trendy property, which boasts three pools, each with different water temperatures to satisfy even the most particular clientele. Bonus: if you fall in love with the Setai, you can purchase a permanent abode in its accompanying 40-foot residential tower next door.

The Catalina1732 Collins Avenue
(305) 674-1160, CatalinaHotel.com
If the swanky SoBe hotels are out of your budget, try the Catalina where you don’t have to spend much for splendor. Stark white rooms are accented with bright bursts of color and feature memory foam beds for sweet comfort after a long day at the beach. The hotel also has a set of adorable and free loaner bikes available to guests for yet another surprising cash-preserving perk.

SINGLES SCENE

Cameo1445 Washington Avenue
(305) 532-2667, CameoMiami.com
South Beach is known for its bumpin’ night clubs, so if you’re going to go for it, go big with Cameo. You’ll get your fill of tight black shirts and sweaty gyrating dance moves from this disco-inspired Miami staple, which was formerly Crobar before it reverted to the building’s legendary 1930’s moniker. Turn up the sexiness for less wait at the door and more action inside.

The Room100 Collins Avenue
(305) 531-6061, TheOtherRoom.com
This watering hole on Collins is one of five “rooms” around the world that were first conceptualized by owner Craig Weiss over twelve years ago. Taking a cue from its New York City predecessor, the hip beer and wine bar offers reasonably priced international brews in an unpretentious local pub setting. Cool, volume-appropriate tunes modestly fill the air so that you can flirt your heart out and actually hear what the other person is saying. Imagine that!

Monty’s Raw Bar300 Alton Road
(305) 672-1148
If you want to wrangle in a seafood-loving, cocktail-drinking guy who knows how to kick back and dig into some oysters, Monty’s is the place to do it. Fridays are the hit of the week when their half-priced happy hour draws out cute, hard-working cads from 5-8pm. The laidback vibe of the outdoor bar is a great place to chill if you want to take a breather from the uber posh beach scene.

ROMANTIC DINNER A DEUX

Michy’s6927 Biscayne Boulevard
(305) 759-2001
Thanks to a certain Bravo cooking series, Michelle Bernstein has become a household name, which makes it difficult to get into this tiny, 50-person capacity restaurant named for its renowned chef. However, it’s worth the wait to sample the decadent foie gras with cherry jam while looking into the eyes of your love – or the guy who’s sitting just inches away from you, as the case may be.

Romeo’s Café2257 SW 22nd Street
(305) 859-2228, RomeosCafe.com
You won’t find a menu anywhere for this intimate Miami eatery. After answering a few questions about your tastes and preferences, Italian chef Romeo Majano brings new meaning to “made-to-order” as he tailors a 6-course meal specifically for each individual customer. Seriously. Block out a good 2-3 hours to enjoy this rare treat with a special someone who really deserves it.

Tantra1445 Pennsylvania Avenue
(305) 672-4765, TantraRestaurant.com
While the buzz on this popular restaurant has died down over the years, it’s still a must-eat for couples looking for a truly sensual experience. The aphrodisiac-inspired menu encourages sharing and features the indulgent Tantra Plate, which is laced with oysters, lobster and other juicy fruits of the sea. For dessert? Condoms. Just kidding…although you’ll need them after this meal.

SEXY SHOPPING

Pleasure Place425 Washington Avenue
(305) 604-8771
If you’re looking to add a little spice to your vacation, but didn’t want your unmentionables to be discovered in the airport security check, this upscale erotic boutique offers plenty of tasteful and playful toys to heat up your Miami nights. With it’s three locations (two in D.C.), The Pleasure Place has been in business for nearly 30 years, so you can consider them experts in the field.

Mermaids7328 Red Road
(305) 662-8621, MermaidsBoutique.com
You can find a bathing suit anywhere in this town, but if you’re in search of something more distinctive and are willing to pay a bit extra for it, Mermaids is your place. The high-end boutique offers a wide variety of itsy-bitsy, teeny-weenie bikinis that will easily take your date from the beach to the bedroom. Stop him in his tracks with embellished novelty suits or a sexy string number that will come in clutch if you forgot to pack your old stand-by, or if you just want to upgrade your look from cute to caliente.