Hot, Sexy Messages, Budweiser, Giancarlo

* This is the temperature reading at 10 a.m. i live about a mile away from the port of la waters and about 2.5 miles from an actual beach. And yes, that is a heat index you see. In motherfucking Southern California. Look, I’m a huge fan of hot weather. But when humidity enters into the equation, that’s where I have to draw the line.

Last night I was up late trying to deal with the heat. Nothing is worse than turning in the bed and feeling a cooled pool of your own sweat on top of the duvet. As unsexy and uncomfortable as I was feeling, I get a message from one of the hookup sites I’m on.

“will love to play with your ass sexy.”

Isn’t that sweet? Of course, the picture that accompanies this particular profile is me in doggy-style clad only in a jock. So maybe he’s turned on by me “winking” at the camera. Don’t worry, I won’t post any nudie pics of me on here quite yet. But you probably won’t have to look that hard in order to find them.

Anyhow, I’m sure nothing will come of this, but I think it’s awfully nice that this person was so moved as to message me. It really does wonders for one’s self esteem at 2 a.m. as I can’t fall asleep and just want to fill my bathtub with ice water and just lie in it.

* Around 12:30 I tweeted that it had been a bit quiet, but that it was time to FIRE ROGER GOODELL. Minutes later Brendan tweeted me this statement from Anheuser-Busch:

We are disappointed and increasingly concerned by the recent incidents that have overshadowed this NFL season. We are not yet satisfied with the league’s handling of behaviors that so clearly go against our own company culture and moral code. We have shared our concerns and expectations with the league.

I guess that’s something, right?

* On Thursday, Marlins slugger Mike “Call-Me-Giancarlo” Stanton got in the face by an errant pitch by Milwaukee Brewers starter Mike Fiers. He dropped like a sack of potatoes with blood pouring out of his face. He took to Instagram to update his progress.

I have to say, the first time I encountered him in person was as he was walking towards the Dodgers clubhouse to use the weight room as I was leaving to head onto the field. Back then, the only weight room was by the Dodgers clubhouse, and per MLB rules it has to be open for both teams if the visitor’s clubhouse doesn’t have the facilities.

Anyhow, I see him approaching but didn’t recognize him. I just saw this towering hulk of a man striding towards me. As he past me I got a look at his face and did a gasp. Holy shit. Mike Stanton is motherfucking huge. I could feel my knees start to shake a little as they instinctively tried to get to the ground like a good little gayboy. I could also feel my jaw start to open all by itself, as if Stanton had uttered the phrase “Open Sesame”.