Thursday, March 18, 2010

I'm pretty sure every single one of my students cried at some point today. Two sobbed hysterically.

I nearly joined them. There was nothing specific upsetting them. Just one of those days.

Then I came home and I got to ride my bike outside instead of going to some stinky spin class, and it all seems not so bad anymore.

Happy spring-like weather day!

SOTD: No One's Gonna Love You by Band of Horses. Another song I can't get out of my head, because I can't decide if it's a break up song or a make up song. Your thoughts? These are the sorts of things I think about when I'm swimming laps and I'd rather not be thinking about how hard swimming is. Also, I like that they break bottles over each other's heads.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Recently, a friend pointed out that it's somewhat strange that I don't listen to much new music anymore. My excuse has been that I don't listen to music at work anymore- I don't count the music I play. Raffi is not cool. So he gave me a list of bands to get myself back in, and I've been trying to listen to more music and be more productive instead of watching quite so much tv. I used to make people mix tapes all the time, and write pages and pages about why I loved the songs and why I was including them for that specific person. I'm going to start a new mix just for you, the 4 people who still read this even though I rarely post. We're going to start with Peter, Bjorn and John- Objects of My Affection. I'm currently obsessed with this song. I remember when, when i first moved here, a long time ago, ´cause i heard some song i used to hear back then, a lone time ago. i remember when, even further back, in another town, ´cause i saw something written i used to say back then, hard to comprehend and the question is, was i more alive then than i am now? i happily have to disagree; i laugh more often now, i cry more often now, i am more me.There are so many songs that, for me, are so tied to a time and place that I can't hear them without being transported back. I was just talking to someone about how I can't even comprehend how long I've lived here in Chicago and the life phases I've gone through in that time, and how much I think I've grown up. And then I'll hear songs from when I first moved here, or when I was still in Milwaukee and I felt like everything was falling apart and I had trouble really believing that things would settle down and I wouldn't always feel the way I did then. I haven't thought about that in such a long time, but I have come a long way. I AM MORE ME. Part of it came naturally, with getting older and theoretically becoming more mature. And part of it was just moving forward with my life. You move on, and some things get better, some get worse but in hindsight, very few things seem as bad as they were in that moment. And yes, I do cry more often now, but it's okay. but of course some days, i just lie around and hardly exist, and can´t tell apart what i´m eating from my hand or my wrist. ´cause flesh is flesh, flesh as flesh as flesh, the difference is thin.Ew. Don't eat your hand!but life has a certain ability or breathing new life into me, so i breathe it in. it says here we are, and we all are here, and you still can make sense, if you just show up and present an honest face, instead of that grin.An honest face. I dig those.and the other day, this new friend of mine said something to me "just because something starts differently, doesn´t mean it´s worth less." and i soaked it in, how i soaked it in, how i soaked it in and just as to prove how right he was, then you came. so i´m gonna give, yes i´m gonna give, i´m gonna give you a try, so i´m gonna give, yes i´m gonna give, i´m gonna give you a tryI just like the quote from his friend. Did I mention the person who has me listening to music again is a very old friend? I think connecting that person to this song makes sense in my brain and somehow it helps me see that I do have the potential for new beginnings even when I'm feeling stuck. (See also: my love life or lack thereof.)Is this disjointed and rambly? Probably. I hope you dig the song, I love it.I laugh more often now.I cry more often now.I am more me.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Ok, so I know what I said about the triathlon. But the fundraising element proved to be a bit overwhelming (I have other things going on) so I started looking for other events, and there is one the same weekend that is pretty much walking distance from my mom's house AND it's on Sunday instead of Saturday AND the swim goes down from a half mile to a quarter mile. Holy crap, this scenario is miles and miles better. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.