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Topic : 07/08 Ask Dr. Phil

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Created on : Thursday, July 03, 2008, 01:00:59 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

Dr. Phil opens up his mailbag to answer your burning questions! Amanda has been wanting plastic surgery since she was 16, and now that she's an adult, she's asked her sister, Angel, for birthday money so she can get liposuction and breast implants. She’s even considering dropping out of college so she can save money for the many procedures she wants. Angel worries her little sister could become addicted to cosmetic surgery. Next, will Michael’s plastic surgery nightmare change Amanda’s mind? Unsatisfied with the results of his first rhinoplasty, Michael found a world-renowned plastic surgeon to perform his second. When he got home, he documented the horrific result -- the tip of his nose turning black and falling off. See why he’s had three surgeries so far and plans on more. Then, Amber recently learned that her husband, Ron, had an affair. She says can't stop thinking about the other woman and doubts she'll ever get over it. Why does Ron think the affair had a positive effect on their marriage? Plus, meet a wife and mother torn between her career and her family, and don't miss a ravishing audience room makeover by Robin! Talk about the show here.

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Guidance

I am in need of guidance. I have one child remaining at home (17 years old). He stays in his room 24/7 -- does not go out of the house. This has been going on for a couple of years now. He does not have any friends except online. He stays on his computer communicating with these friends or playing games and listening to music. I have tried to get him to come out and communicate with him.

My concern is -- is this good for him? I have told him I feel he needs to find an outlet outside the house -- like a job. I am clueless as to what to do to help him prepare for adult life. I feel he needs to get out and prepare himself for this; am I wrong? He keeps telling me he wants to go to college after he graduates next year but I keep reminding him that his actions are not what his words are stating.

He does what he has to to get by in school work and he has had many opportunities to improve his work ethnics but he tells me he is not motivated. Well, I told him that motivation does not come naturally. It is something that has to be worked on.

I am at a point that I don't know what action to take -- I have another son who is 27 but he does not do well either -- he is currently in jail for drug/alcohol related activiites. He is receiving treatment at a state center.

My concern is that my sons are hiding from reality -- the oldest does it through drugs and alcohol and now the youngest does it through being alone and the internet with a lack of interest in outisde world. I realize that the oldest is out of my hands -- it is time for him to take rein on his own life but I am still responsible for the youngest. What do I do?

As I have mentioned in profile I am visually impaired so it takes me a long time to read or find things on the internet -- has Dr Phil had this type of behavior before?

07/08 Ask Dr. Phil

I am in need of guidance. I have one child remaining at home (17 years old). He stays in his room 24/7 -- does not go out of the house. This has been going on for a couple of years now. He does not have any friends except online. He stays on his computer communicating with these friends or playing games and listening to music. I have tried to get him to come out and communicate with him.

My concern is -- is this good for him? I have told him I feel he needs to find an outlet outside the house -- like a job. I am clueless as to what to do to help him prepare for adult life. I feel he needs to get out and prepare himself for this; am I wrong? He keeps telling me he wants to go to college after he graduates next year but I keep reminding him that his actions are not what his words are stating.

He does what he has to to get by in school work and he has had many opportunities to improve his work ethnics but he tells me he is not motivated. Well, I told him that motivation does not come naturally. It is something that has to be worked on.

I am at a point that I don't know what action to take -- I have another son who is 27 but he does not do well either -- he is currently in jail for drug/alcohol related activiites. He is receiving treatment at a state center.

My concern is that my sons are hiding from reality -- the oldest does it through drugs and alcohol and now the youngest does it through being alone and the internet with a lack of interest in outisde world. I realize that the oldest is out of my hands -- it is time for him to take rein on his own life but I am still responsible for the youngest. What do I do?

As I have mentioned in profile I am visually impaired so it takes me a long time to read or find things on the internet -- has Dr Phil had this type of behavior before?

Help!

He's still a minor, you should take him to therapy.

No, this is not good for him. People need human contact.

You are the parent, take his computer away from him. As long as he can hide there he will. This kind of thing is not that different from a drug addiction. Would you keep drugs in your home if he was an addict? Would you keep alcohol in your home if he was an alcoholic?

Poor Amanda

she needs to be on How to Look Good Naked. She has a completely distorted view of her own body, as well as really screwed priorities. Parents of girls take note of this, don't over-emphasis body beautiful with your own kids. I have two sisters and each has daughters the same age. One niece is built like her mm, she has a big bone structure, the other is built like her dad, thin as a reed and slim. My father, who I usually won't confront, kept making comments about the first nieces size, finally I had to let him have it, if the little girl had lost every ounce of fat on her body she'd still be huge compared to the other niece. Fortunately I did this back when they were five, they're now happy 16 year olds with reasonable body images.

Amber

I don't know why whenever a woman is cheated on she is ready to kill the other woman, but barely says boo about her husband's involvement, I'm sure he wasn't held down and raped, she should be angry at HIM, he's the one who took vows to be faithful to her, not the other woman, who had no obligations to her.

change marriage vows

I think that the problem is that marriage vows need to be changed.

The man should be required to say that he vows never to have sex again (with his wife or any other woman) and, most importanly, never to complain about it. This would stop a lot of men from complaining later that they didn't realize that they had made a vow of celibacy.

It is amazing how a woman can not have sex with her husband for months and then be so shocked and upset that he is having an affair.

What is the problem anyways? If his wife didn't want to have sex with him, then why is she upset that another woman does? If his wife wants to be celibate, then why does he have to be as well?

07/08 Ask Dr. Phil

I don't know why whenever a woman is cheated on she is ready to kill the other woman, but barely says boo about her husband's involvement, I'm sure he wasn't held down and raped, she should be angry at HIM, he's the one who took vows to be faithful to her, not the other woman, who had no obligations to her.

his vows

I don't know why whenever a woman is cheated on she is ready to kill the other woman, but barely says boo about her husband's involvement, I'm sure he wasn't held down and raped, she should be angry at HIM, he's the one who took vows to be faithful to her, not the other woman, who had no obligations to her.

If a man vows to be faithful, this only applies until his wife refuses to have sex with him. Once she decides to be celibate, the vow to be faithful is over.

07/08 Ask Dr. Phil

I don't know why whenever a woman is cheated on she is ready to kill the other woman, but barely says boo about her husband's involvement, I'm sure he wasn't held down and raped, she should be angry at HIM, he's the one who took vows to be faithful to her, not the other woman, who had no obligations to her.

Exactly. She had no obligations to it (meaning the other woman), as Ron is the one who is married to Amber. If it wasn't with his ex, it would be with someone else.

infidelity

I agree with Dr. Phil in that THE ONLY way for the cheated on wife to feel better is for her to know that her husband feels her pain. HOWEVER, Dr. Phil did not tell her how to go about making sure that he does understand. She will get over his cheating, and be able to move on ONLY after she takes him by total surprise and cheats on him. Once he finds out, she is to feel no guilt whatsoever. She is to just tell him "you did it to me, so I'm doing it to you. Pull up your boots and get over it". This way he becomes the one who is hurt and angry, and she is the one who can say "Oh, my cheating has done wonders for our marriage". This way, as recommended by Dr. Phil, he will feel and understand her pain. Two wrongs don't make a right, but it does, for sure, make it even.

07/08 Ask Dr. Phil

You are the parent, take his computer away from him. As long as he can hide there he will. This kind of thing is not that different from a drug addiction. Would you keep drugs in your home if he was an addict? Would you keep alcohol in your home if he was an alcoholic?

Get rid of the computer. He needs to be in therapy...

I agree with everything you just said. And, would add this. Since he's doing the bare minimum to get by in his HS classes, college would be a waste of time and money. "Getting by" in college requires much more effort than passing HS classes. And, I doubt this boy has the motivation to do even that. Besides, I suspect he's looking at college as a way hold adult responsibilities, such as getting a job, at bay. Unless his mother takes action now, she'll probably be saddled with a moocher.