John Gray: He doesn't know what he's missing

I can't hang out with rich people. I'm too much of a regular guy who does regular things that rich people don't do. I get excited when I'm taking laundry out of the dryer and find a crumpled up five dollar bill hiding in one of the pockets. I clap out loud, drawing attention to myself, when the waitress brings my food at Dinosaur Bar-B-Que. And when I want something sweet but I'm too lazy to drive to the store, I'll eat the chocolate cake frosting right out of the can with a spoon. Gross, I know, but yummy.

I've tried a couple times to mingle with rich people but the conversations quickly go off the rails. Example: Rich Guy, "Let's talk investments. I have money in soy bean futures. What do you like?" Me, "I like to eat frosting out of the can." Rich Guy, "Is that a fund with Betty Crocker?" Me, "Betty Crocker, Duncan Hines, I'm not picky."

A few years ago I was at a rich person's house in Loudonville trying to make small talk so I told the woman who lived there, "I love your landscaping." She said proudly, "Well my husband did it." She called him over to join the conversation so I asked him where he got some particular flowers I liked. He told me he had no idea where they came from. His wife then explained that the phrase, "My husband did it" meant her husband stood in the yard and told the landscapers where to put certain bushes and flowers. I smiled, but I was thinking, "Gosh guys, standing on the porch and pointing where you want the hired help to plant stuff is not the same as doing it yourself." And that's really a shame because the rich guy doesn't know what he's missing.

It's May 15 and while I know it's best to wait until after Memorial Day to plant flowers in the great Northeast, I've broken the rule and gotten out there already. I love it. There is something almost therapeutic about pushing your hands through the dark brown soil and turning a boring, barren space into something beautiful. And the best part is someone with zero artistic instinct or ability can still make a yard look pretty. There's no right or wrong way to organize flowers and no one is going to come by later to grade you against what your neighbors did with their yards. We are each our own Picasso.

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Each year I make a trip or two or three to my favorite nursery and fill a little red wagon with flowers and plants with names I can't pronounce. And when I get home I don't plant them right away; I arrange the little flowers, still in their containers, in the various places I'm thinking I might want them. Then I step back and look to see if it works for me. You end up moving several around, kind of like you're hanging a picture in the living room.

My prize possession in my yard is something my kids call "The Nana Tree." Back when I bought my house six years ago, I didn't have two nickels to rub together after the closing, but I needed something to make the yard look nicer. I went to Hewitt's in early October and saw they had all their baby trees at 50 percent off. I selected a pear tree that wasn't much more than a stick with a two branches and picked a nice spot to dig. I told my kids that I missed my mom and had she been alive, she would have loved this little yard, so I planted the tree in her memory. That's why it's the "Nana" tree. Well, that stick in the mud has gone from four feet then to 20 feet today with gorgeous white flowers that bloomed the other day. As I sipped my morning coffee and looked out the pollen stained kitchen windows at that beautiful tree, I knew somewhere, in a place much nicer than here, my mom was smiling.

Owning a home is a pain in the backside. But this time of year, this one month when we put shovel to earth and plant our flowers, it can be a lot of fun. And I'm quite certain even some rich people choose wielding a hoe over writing a check. At least I hope they do for their own enjoyment.

Do you know what's the best, though? When you've worked all day making the yard look beautiful, go off to dinner, return and slowly pull up to your property. That's when it really hits you, how nice you've made things. It's a feeling of pride you just don't get from anything else. And when the yard does look perfect, the masterpiece complete and the neighbors bow in your presence, do you know the best way to celebrate? Grab a spoon and break out the frosting.