Desperate to taste-unable to deny. A defective vampire-a deceptive human girl. Monster and man discovers primal urges he never knew existed. Can it ever be enough? To drink her is completion, to touch her is , ExB OOC,Canon pairs

Stephenie Meyer owns any Twilight characters and Twilight plot lines that may appear in this story. The remainder is my original work. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization. Copyright 2009 by Brits23.

Story rated M for underage drinking, smoking, brief drug use and overall bad behavior. Also rated for sexual situations, lemons, and hot, steamy, angsty vampire lovin'. Not a fan? Then this may not be the story for you. Canon pairing, pretty much OOC, ExB of course…are you still down?

WOOT! Then settle in and hold on tight.

Okay, now that the business portion is out of the way…hey guys!! :) To all of my lovely readers who followed me over from SADT, thank you so so so much for joining me on yet another endeavor. Your praises and amazing words are the things that keep me going. I do this for you guys!! Oh and a little for me too, I suppose….hehe.

If you're just finding my story, I hope you enjoy my writing. Check out my other story, Show and Don't Tell, sometime. I'm glad to have you here!! :)

To my beta, life saver, queen of the universe…Isabel. Nothing I do would be possible without your support and genius betaing skills. I love ya so freaking hard girl, for real.

Melissa…you know I don't even have words for you…this story wouldn't exist without your influence, thoughts, support, and massive pimping/praising. Befriending you has made the world of writing so much more than I ever could have imagined. I love love love YOU!!!!! Guys, be sure to read Breaking Trinity by my girl Mel AKA VvDeadRosesvV…it will blow your mind, trust. Linkage: http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5379823/1/Breaking_Trinity

Let's get on with it, ya'll, I can't wait another minute…

***BPOV***

I straightened the daisies in the vase once, twice, three times. Perfect. I smiled as I heard the gravel crunching under the tires of Charlie's police cruiser. I rushed to the stove, fixing our plates before depositing them on the table and waiting expectantly for my father to walk into the kitchen.

Front door slammed.

Five steps.

Showtime…

"Hi Daddy!" I chimed, throwing my arms around his neck.

"Hey Bells," he laughed awkwardly, still not used to showing affection with me, even after five years. "What smells so good?"

He took off his jacket and hung it on the chair before sitting down. "I made up some of that fish in the freezer with Harry Clearwater's fish fry." I smoothed out my long skirt before sitting down at the table and adjusting my hair tie.

Our silence during dinner was calm and companionable. Small talk was unnecessary between us. Who honestly enjoyed small talk anyway? When Charlie finished eating, I grabbed his plate and threw it in the sink, preparing the dishwater. I felt him staring at me. I turned to see him leaning against the arch separating the kitchen from the living room. "Bells? You really gonna do student council, tutoring, and babysitting for the Mallory's? Don't you want to take it easy your senior year?" He asked incredulously.

I just giggled innocently, pulling at a piece of lint on my cardigan sweater. Sweet enough to give you a cavity…that's me. "Of course, Daddy. It's important to do our part to better the community. You do it every day by risking your life for our safety. It's the least I can do to lend a helping hand in making Forks a secure and friendly environment for all."

Charlie just sighed and pushed off the wall, muttering, "Don't know where she gets it from."

I washed the dishes quickly and wiped down the table. It was Friday and I was anxious to get up to my room. Once the kitchen was immaculate, I went into the living room and kissed my father on the head. "I'm going to do some homework and call it an early night. Is that okay?"

He just grunted and patted my forearm, eyes never breaking away from the football game on his flat screen.

I fought back an eye roll and skipped up the stairs.

Once my door was cracked, I smiled as the familiar weekend scents reached me.

I stepped in and closed the door lightly, turning the lock with a soft click. I pulled my long hair out of my bun and ran my fingers through it, letting it fall to my lower back. A devious grin spread across my face as I spun around quickly. I slid off my long skirt and cardigan sweater, leaving me in nothing but my jean mini skirt and a white tank top.

"Alright, you mother fuckers," I smirked, turning up the radio. "Deal my ass in and give me that fucking bottle."

He hung his head out the window and took a long drag off of his joint before nodding me over. I leaned out of the opening and let the cool evening air assault me as I indulged rather eagerly. The smoke burned my lungs and clouded my brain in a mind numbing sort of way. I fucking loved my weekends.

"Entirely done, Sammy. So what is it tonight? Texas Hold 'em? Seven card stud? Let's just get the hell on with it so I can school you bitches." I looked over at Embry and gave him a little wink. He just bit his lip and went on looking sexy as hell like always.

I lit a few sticks of incense and bellied up to the table set up beside my bed. Good thing Daddy thought I just liked my room to smell pretty.

Hell, it didn't matter. He thought I was so damn angelic, I could toke up right in front of him and he still wouldn't believe it.

So this was my life. I was two different people. It was fucked up, but it worked for me. When I came to live with my Dad five years ago after my mother's death, I had no idea who I was. All I knew was that I wanted to be the perfect daughter for Charlie. We only had each other and I wanted to make sure he was happy. I really did love my old man—both of me did. A week after I moved to Forks, I was reintroduced to Jake. I hadn't seen him since I was five and he tried to kiss me. I punched him right in the fucking face and refused to see him after that day. His dad and Charlie were best friends, so it was difficult to avoid him when I visited, but I managed. When we were reunited as 12 year olds, I told him to keep his hands off of me and we could be friends again. He agreed and left me alone (up until very recently, unfortunately). He introduced me to his friends and they've been my crew ever since.

Jake wasn't always a troubled kid, but as the years went on, he got into some bad shit. All of my boys were less than socially acceptable, but they were mine nonetheless. From there on out, I became La Push Bella and Forks Bella. I kept up my innocent façade, which pleased Charlie, and on the weekends I got to be my normal, bad ass self. It worked well. I mean, the weekdays were fucking monotonous. I hung out with Angela mostly, and she was so fucking sweet it made you sick. I liked her, because you couldn't not. But sometimes I just wanted to bitch slap her and say, 'Um honey, you need to fucking get laid and smoke an L…or at least remove the giant stick from your ass.'

"Hey space case, your deal," Quil called, breaking me from my thoughts. Bone Thugs drifted out of my stereo, the anthem for my boys. All of them were a year out of high school except for Jake. During the day they ran a small and rather shady auto shop. At night, well it wasn't just car parts they were slinging. Did I agree with it? Not really. Was it my business? Fuck no. I mean, I did enjoy my occasional high, and tequila was a burning gift from the Gods, but other than that I was pretty straight edge. Oh, besides the occasionally decent sex I had with Embry.

Straight edge all the way.

Fucking Embry was a huge accident. I never set out to do it and he probably didn't either. I was just the mascot for a group of rough and tumble Indian boys. Sam and Quil were gone one weekend "on business" and Jake got his ass grounded when Billy found his stash. That night I crept up to my room and found Embry lounging on my bed alone, bud and booze in hand.

I was eager to partake.

We didn't play cards that night since it was just the two of us, so we smoked and drank and chilled. Before I knew it my legs were around his waist, his hands were up my skirt and my tongue was jammed down his throat. I'd been hitting it ever since.

The sex wasn't like earth shattering or some shit, but it did my body good. And Embry was a fucking tan-skinned God. His muscles rippled, his dark hair stood up spiky and thick, his brown eyes were big and his teeth were white. I told him if he kept his dick out of those skanks at the rez he could keep on getting it from me. He hasn't touched another girl. He knows I'd fuck him right up if I got the critters those rez girls were carrying.

I snapped out of it and went back to the task at hand. "I raise, bitch."

Jake just wiggled his tongue at me and I threw my pillow at him. Fucking gross.

All of a sudden a flash of white skin and bronze hair flickered through my mind.

Fuck.

The new emo boy in my biology class had been assaulting my memory all week long. I was intrigued. I mean usually I'm not into guys that are prettier than me, but there was something dark inside of him. It stood out from a mile away. I liked dark. The second I sat down, he glared at me like I was the devil incarnate. It made me soak my panties right fucking through. I had no clue why. My saintly "best friend" Angela gave me the rundown on the Cullens. Their father was a doctor who had just transferred from a rural clinic in Alaska. Apparently all the kids were adopted, none of them biologically his. There were five Cullens, each of them pale and freakishly attractive. Two girls and three boys. One boy in particular had captured my attention.

His name was Edward, which was pretty fucking weird…it's 2009. The air was so thick during our time in biology. He'd been glaring and grimacing and gripping the table all week. I had to restrain myself from climbing under it and sucking that brooding cock like I meant it. Every day I sat next to him, and every day I shook in the restraint not to touch him. I wanted this strange, golden-eyed boy. I'd been trying to push the urge away, but with each passing hour of each passing day, my need intensified. He was all I wanted, all I thought about. I closed my eyes and grinned at the way his eyes narrowed and nostrils flared. So deviant. So mine.

We played poker for hours, and just when I scooped up my chips and started gloating like a cold-hearted bitch, a soft rap sounded at my door.

"Bella?"

"Fuuuuuuck," I groaned quietly. Charlie never usually bothered me once the game was blaring from the flat screen and I had called it a night. I motioned for the guys to stand in the far end of the room while I turned the music down and threw my pink bathrobe on. I opened my door and snuck out into the hallway, closing the door before he decided to look inside. I yawned and rubbed my eyes like Cindy Lou fucking Who on Christmas morning. "What is it Daddy? I was sleeping."

"Sorry to wake you, Bells. I just thought I heard a noise up here."

"Oh, I fell asleep with the radio on, that's all," I smiled innocently.

"Okay then, hon." Charlie hesitated a moment, his eyes not quite meeting mine. "Hey, how's the first week back to school been? I've been working these damn long shifts, I feel like we haven't talked in days."

Well Charlie, school's been fine except for biology class, where I'm expected to function and breath next to the most beautiful, most evil boy I've ever had the pleasure of feasting my eyes upon. He makes me ache and he fills my mind with deviant, sexual thoughts and I'm pretty sure if I don't fuck him soon, I'll need a padded room and a fucking straight jacket.

Maybe not.

"It's been great!" I chirped enthusiastically. "Angela and I have three classes together and the material we're studying seems like it's going to be very interesting. I'm excited."

"That's good, Bells. Well, I'm gonna hit the sack. Billy and I are going fishing early tomorrow," Charlie explained, kissing the top of my head and walking away. "And don't fall asleep with your potpourri burning, that's a fire hazard."

"Okay. Night, Dad," I whispered.

He grunted in response and I slipped back inside my room. "Jake, your dad's going fishing at the ass crack of dawn, you all better split before then," I sighed, throwing my pink bathrobe to the floor and straightening my tank top.

Embry's eyes poured over me hungrily.

I could go for a nice romp. Or at least I hoped it would be nice. His last attempt at throwing me down had definitely left something to be desired.

Embry crawled through my window and ripped his shirt off. I rose to my knees and ran my hands up and down his rock hard chest. I started at his shoulders and dragged my fingers down, tracing each plane of his abs. Fuck, this boy was all kinds of fine. He grunted and threw his pants and boxers off before climbing on top of me.

Hmm, so much for foreplay.

He didn't even bother undressing me, just ripped my panties down and rubbed the head of his cock up and down my slit.

Jesus. I wasn't even properly lubricated yet.

"Embry."

He continued slobbering on my neck, ignoring my calls.

"Eeeeeembry," I groaned exasperatedly, pushing against his shoulders.

He looked up at me with an annoyed expression on his face. "What?"

"Um yeah, you need to pet the pussy to get it to purr…Christ," I muttered in an irritated tone.

His hand went up my skirt as he jabbed at my clit in random pushes and stuck his tongue in my mouth. Just when I was starting to rock against his hand, he replaced it with his dick once more. "Ugh!" I growled in frustration. "Just get a rubber, Embry."

At what point did I decide that this sex was good?

"Why, you're on the pill," he said in a tone that was a little too snippy for my liking.

"I don't fucking care. Get a rubber and fuck me or go home and fuck yourself, the choice is yours." Damn, he didn't usually annoy me this much when he was about to dick me down.

He obliged and eagerly filled me with his averaged sized dick. Hell, five inches is better than no inches, right?

"Fuck me harder," I groaned.

It wasn't hard enough.

"Harder!" I urged, wanting a proper fucking pounding. Do you know what I got instead?

"Ughhhhh yesssss I'm coming! Fuck Bella!"

Three more thrusts and he abandoned my poor pussy like a nuclear bomb site.

What the fuck.

I shook my head of the memory, deciding that I definitely had to give Embry a chance to redeem himself. Or at least a chance to fuck any thought of Edward Cullen out of my insistent mind. "Guys, I'm not trying to be a little bitch or anything, but maybe you should go. It's been an exhausting day and I'm just royally fucked up. You mind?" I asked sweetly, biting my lip.

Sam snorted and rose from my bed, tucking the small baggie in his pocket. "Don't even try it, B. You can't fool us with your innocence shit. We'll go. It's pretty fucking dodgy that you're kicking your boys out to go fuck that Mike guy."

Jake's nostrils flared and his fists clenched. I ignored his melodramatic ass.

I swallowed back the bile in my throat. Like I would ever touch Mike Newton's shriveled dick. Not with a ten foot pole. Not even with Jessica Stanley's crab-infested pussy. Sick. Speaking of Stanley…

"Yeah, I'm out. Gotta go get my dick wet," Embry giggled his high pitched, goofy grin as he polished off his bottle.

"Dude, I can't believe you're fucking Jessica "crabs 'R' us" Stanley. You're just begging for your dick to turn green and fall off," Quil said, crinkling his nose in disgust. "Seth got a hummer from her once…ten months later it still burns when he pees."

My stomach twisted at the mention of Seth. Seth was the heart and soul of our little group of miscreants. Now he was pre-med, living the good life and avoiding the demons of his past. Namely, us. I missed him terribly, and sometimes would beg Quil, his twin brother, for details. As much as I wished he was home, I couldn't help but be proud of him for escaping the vicious circle of drugs and violence.

Sometimes I wanted out as well.

Embry just shrugged and rubbed the back of his head. "What can I say bro? I gotta get it where I can, ya know?"

At least we had our cover stories. Neither one of us wanted the rest of the guys to find out about our weekend sex. It would make things awkward and I knew Jake would fly off the handle. Embry could take him, but either way it would tear the guys apart and ultimately end in bloodshed.

My boys lined up by the window and I bid each of them goodbye. Sam kissed my forehead and told me he'd call tomorrow with plans for the party next weekend. Quil gave me a hug and told me he'd bring his special blend for me. Yum. Jake curled his huge body around me and buried his face in my neck. "Knock it off Jake, you know it's not happening," I sighed exasperatedly.

"I won't stop trying, Bella. Your ass is too sexy for your own good," he said softly, running his glassy eyes all over my body. I shoved him forcefully out of my window.

My mouth twisted in an evil little grin as Embry stuck his hand right up my skirt and wetted his fingers. "I'm going to fuck you so good," he whispered darkly, licking himself clean of my arousal and rubbing his erection against me as he crawled out the window.

I gasped in anticipation at his words, hoping like hell he would keep his word and not give me a repeat performance of thrust-thrust-cum.

Golden Eyes suddenly dominated my mind.

They never relented.

I cleaned up after the guys and pulled out the spare bottle of patron from underneath my bed. At least the Mallorys paid well for my bullshit babysitting job. Little did Charlie know I wasn't babysitting at all. I'd go over there once a week, flash Mr. Mallory the goods and leave with $40. He didn't touch and I didn't tell. It was a perfect business partnership.

I laid back on my bed and took a long pull from my bottle before lighting a cigarette. I got up and changed the CD to Sublime, because I desperately needed to chill out. The intensity of the bronze haired boy followed me home every night and hadn't let up one instant. Edward Cullen made me feel so good, and he didn't even know it. I knew I had a good fifteen minutes until Embry could escape the guys, so I took advantage of it. The night would probably be a fucking let down anyway. Why not give myself a little pale-skinned, emo boy treat?

Suddenly there was a hard naked body in front of me, messy hair in his face and evil in his eyes. I reached down and began to rub myself. I felt my arousal leak out of me as I imagined my tongue dragging along Edward's plump bottom lip. Fuck, this was more like it.

I closed my eyes tightly, gasping as I imagined that sexy fucking glare from the beautiful boy as he filled me with his cock. It was massive. Of course it fucking was. This was a fantasy after all. "Edward," I groaned.

I rubbed my clit as I pictured bronze locks falling in Edward's face as he moved above me. "Faster. Fuck me harder," I cried, my eyes pulling together as I listened to the slapping sound of my saturated skin.

I saw his pale fingers fisting in my hair and yanking my head back as his teeth dug into my neck.

And then I felt him. I could smell the cool, calming scent of his skin. I could feel his intense eyes boring into me, assaulting my flesh and caressing my soul. I didn't just want his dick inside of me. I wanted him to consume me entirely, and vice versa. The sensation that took me over in that moment made me thrash against my bed, kicking off the covers and diving my fingers inside me, needing my release almost as bad as I needed his teeth on my skin. I heard a soft scraping against my window and jumped, feeling like he was there, watching me squirm in the sake of his name and his body.

I turned my head but was met with an empty view from my window.

I was just about to push myself over the edge I was dangling precariously over, but then Embry bounded through my window eagerly.

My stomach twisted in revolt as I righted my skirt.

"Getting warmed up for me, baby?" Embry whispered, yanking his belt out of the loops and throwing his t-shirt over his head. Fuck, the thought of him touching me made my skin crawl, and suddenly nothing was as I knew it to be.

It was some fucking fantasy.

Embry crawled over me on the bed and I tried to ignore the sinking sensation in my stomach, not to mention the guilty feeling that was screaming inside my head. It was irrational to feel guilt, I belonged to no one.

The moment the thought invaded my brain, I knew it was bullshit.

I was already his, and he didn't even know it.

Maybe he didn't even want me, but I couldn't deny the insatiable need that was quickly turning into obsession. All of this after ten minutes of finger fucking myself to images of his beautiful face. Christ.

Embry shoved his tongue into my mouth and twisted my nipple as I writhed underneath him. He mistook it as arousal. It was a desperate need for escape. This wasn't right. He pushed his fabric covered dick against my bare pussy and I couldn't take another minute. I sat up hastily, pushing the hair out of my face and keeping him at a safe distance with my hand on his chest.

"Can you at least jerk me off?" he groaned, motioning down to the unappealing bulge in his pants. That pissed me off.

"Go jerk yourself off, asshole," I whispered hastily. "You know, even if you weren't the guy fucking me, my friend Embry should be concerned about me not feeling well. You're only worried about your stupid fucking cock. Just get out," I whispered in disgust.

He sighed and tried to wrap his arms around me. "I'm sorry, Bells. I didn't mean it, I'm just really fucking horny."

Oh, because that excused everything.

"Whatever, it's fine. Just go home now, I'm tired," I whispered, thoroughly confused and really needing to be alone.

Or wrapped in cold arms.

Why the fuck did I always imagine his skin being cold to the touch?

It didn't matter, it was all I wanted.

Embry kissed my neck and I kicked his ass out.

Once I was alone in my room, I turned the radio off and climbed into bed. I stared at the ceiling and tucked my arms behind my head. I've never gotten off from penetration with Embry. He'd either eat me out or finger me until I came. I wondered what it would be like to actually have an orgasm while someone was inside of me.

My hand drifted along my stomach and beneath my skirt as random images flashed through my mind. Once I was left alone with my phantom Edward, I was more than ready to finish what I had started. Darkening honey eyes. White teeth under curled lips. Long fingers glistening with fluid. Coldness. The hottest cold I've ever felt and didn't even begin to understand. My fingers circled my clit in heavy, thick circles before I began pumping them in and out of me. He hadn't spoken a word since the first day of school, but I'd thought about them every day since.

Where did you move from, Edward?" Mr. Banner questioned, following the new student/first day protocol.

"Alaska." Velvet fucking darkness. I grasped my neck as the words escaped his lips. His right hand twitched on the table top as I exhaled unevenly.

"What will you miss the most?" Our teacher pressed on.

"The crisp cold and the vast nothingness." Everyone around us exchanged judgmental looks. I writhed in my seat, begging for more perfect words to come from his mouth.

"And what do you think you'll enjoy the most in Forks?" Banner asked as I stared at Edward unfalteringly, anxious to hear his reply.

He hadn't taken a breath of air since I sat next to him—believe me, I'd been examining every aspect of him very closely. I was thrilled from the wonderment of what he was and the reasoning for why I couldn't catch my breath in his presence. His golden eyes darkened as they ever so subtly slid in my direction. The air was stifling between us. I could almost feel the thick current of electricity binding us together. It was the most mystifying and thrilling moment in all my seventeen years.

"Knowing where I belong," he whispered, pink tongue darting out to wet parted lips.

And then he looked right at me.

I arched my hips off the bed and came with enough force to knock my lamp off of the table as I flailed in ecstasy and cried out his name. "He was talking to me," I whispered breathlessly, shuddering as the waves of numbness reached my entire body. It took me this long to realize it, but I knew with every part of my fucking soul that the last words he spoke were for me.

I knew exactly where he belonged.

I just didn't know how to get him there.

A piercing, feral growl sounded out loudly and viciously into the night. My heart beat erratically with the intensity of my orgasm and the fear of the unknown animal outside my window.

*

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*****EPOV*******

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I leaned against a tree and smoked a cigarette while my brothers devoured their evening kills. I had hunted four days ago, and that was well enough for me. It didn't thrill me to tear flesh or guzzle blood. Nothing had thrilled me in my 108 years.

Until five days ago.

Smoking did nothing for my fossilized lungs. Just a nervous habit, you could say. I couldn't feel the effects of alcohol or the soothing touch of a random narcotic. Just an eternity forced to be in a state of constant awareness. Explain to me how there could possibly be a hell more excruciating than this?

But I was recently awoken. She had created a being of want and lust and need. It took all my energy to remain resting against this tree when I knew she was out there. Infuriating, beautiful, and mine. 916 South Walnut. I may have followed her home today. I was proud of resisting as long as I had.

I didn't resent being a vampire. I resented being a defective one. I'll never forget the night I found out the full extent of my inabilities. It happened twenty years after I had been changed, saved from death as a result of Carlisle's big heart and genuine compassion. It was either a blessing or a curse to me—I'm still unsure. I've never taken to blood. It's not as if it tastes unpleasant or hurts when I consume it. It's as if…say your favorite meal is a juicy steak, and the only food you will ever eat is salad greens. Forever salad greens. Such is my life. Two decades in, and I was at my wit's end. If I couldn't enjoy my livelihood, then I was determined to at least have companionship. Carlisle had turned a broken and dying Esme ten years prior, and I begrudged them for the love they found in one another. I wanted my own.

I stumbled across a blonde injured girl in the alley behind our home one day. She was beautiful and that was all I needed to know. I had never killed a human before, but I was determined to make her mine. I preferred to fill myself with animal blood opposed to human because man, woman, child or goat…it didn't satisfy me. My lack of knowledge in this matter made me unsure of how to change a person from mere human to immortal monster. I decided to try my hand at the dying girl in the alley. I sunk my teeth into her neck and rolled my eyes as the balmy liquid went through my system. Like drinking warm milk on a hot day—entirely wrong. Her blood was already causing me to feel refreshed, but alas, never fully satiated. I pulled away after I was sure that enough venom had entered her bloodstream and waited. I was present during Esme's change and was aware of the signs. Erratically beating heart, screaming, thrashing, begging to be killed to escape the fiery hell we destined them to. I remembered my own as if it were yesterday.

I cradled the girl in my arms and remained patient. Her heart beat in the same lingering thumps as she lay lifeless in my hands. Clearly it wasn't enough venom. I infected her with more until I practically ran dry. I was confident that it was enough.

Nothing.

She continued to die in my arms. I became angry. I still had the temper of a newborn, I just lacked all desire and bloodlust. "What is the matter with you?" I growled, shaking her limp form in front of me.

"Edward, what have you done?"

Carlisle's soft and horrified voice floated from behind me, and I immediately realized exactly what this scene resembled.

"No, I didn't do this to her," I cried out in alarm. "She was laying here, dying. I tried…I tried to save her but I'm not doing it sufficiently. I don't understand…"

"Oh, Edward," he sighed, kneeling next to me and reaching out to feel the faint pulse throbbing against her neck. "You didn't drain her past the point of survival," he observed thoughtfully, examining her wounds. "How long did you allow the venom to enter her bloodstream?"

I shrugged, a deep tearless sob escaping my chest at the realization of what I'd done. "Several minutes. I'm sorry, Carlisle. I just wanted to be happy, to find love like you and Esme have."

He patted my shoulder and looked deeply into my now bright red eyes. "It's alright, son. There should be enough inside of her for the change to take place. I'm at a loss as to why the process hasn't begun. Let's bring her home."

As soon as we entered the house, Esme crouched and growled at the scent of fresh blood. "No, dear," Carlisle said forcefully. "She's already on her way to becoming one of us."

Her hungry eyes met mine and my face fell into my hands. I had never been more ashamed of myself. Carlisle laid the girl on the kitchen table and assessed her body once more before turning to me. "Finish what you've started, son. She'll die either way."

I stalked slowly to the table and cringed as I injected her wrists, her neck, her chest. We waited in silence. Nothing. I heard her heart start to falter and fade. Carlisle lunged at her and made his own wounds. Two minutes later, her heart was beating out of control and her body was thrashing from the burn.

What was wrong with me?

After that day, Carlisle ran as many tests as the medical world would allow, each decade allowing him further advances in his technology. To this day, he still hasn't discovered what makes my venom different from others of my kind. He's compared it to the rest of my family. It's missing a component. He doesn't know what it is. My entire being was missing a component, didn't he realize that?

The girl I failed to create for myself was the last thing I could have wanted in a mate. Instead, she became my infuriating younger sister, determined to make my existence a living hell. She's fulfilled that destiny for nearly seventy years. A number of years after Rosalie had been changed, she came across a mauled Emmett and did the one thing I was unable to do. She made herself a companion. Two decades later, Alice and Jasper joined the family, and I was endlessly surrounded with loving couples and cheerful dispositions.

I hated them all. I cared for them all. It was a very slippery slope.

I'm not who I once was. I used to be an eager boy-vampire, looking for love and completion. As the years went on I found solace in being alone. I barricaded myself from the family, burying myself in books and music and solitude. In an extensive and meaningless existence, I wanted nothing more than to be left alone and forgotten.

Now all I wanted was her blood coursing through my body and her legs wrapped around my waist.

I was broken out of my reverie as Emmett whooped at his successful hunt.

My mind was captured with chocolate eyes.

My first day of school in Forks, Washington brought me back to life. The second this simple little girl in modest clothing entered the small classroom, my entire psyche changed. There was something familiar in those eyes. She was anything but innocent. I wondered why she fought so tremendously to be something she's not. And then her smell assaulted me.

My steak dinner was standing before me in a long khaki skirt and cardigan sweater.

I fought with everything inside of me not to feed from her then and there. The entire class, I struggled in a vain attempt not to gape at the curve of her blushed cheek or the throb of that delectable vein in her neck. My need for her blood mixed in with another very unfamiliar feeling. Desire. The moment she sat next to me and licked her pink lips, I was rock hard and throbbing. It was unlike anything I'd ever experienced before.

And I'd been painfully suppressing my urges the entire week. My reserve was slipping with every toss of her hair and lick of her lips.

In 1979, I tried to have sex with a human. I had the typical urges that any being would have, and I was curious what pleasure would feel like from an actual female rather than my hand. She got down on her knees, I filled her mouth with my swollen erection, and broke her neck with one thrust of my hips. It was the first person I had ever killed and the last time I'd ever attempted a sexual act. Alone or otherwise.

It still haunts me to this day.

I'd deprived myself of my needs since then, hesitant to attempt a physical relationship and unmotivated to try. No one made me want to bring forth my sexual urges. Now, I was suffocated by it. I was drowning in my desire for the brown haired girl. Bella Swan. Just thinking of her name made the venom drip from my teeth. I wanted her.

Edward, we're talking when we get back home. You can't keep delaying this conversation.

Jasper's thoughts stirred me from my vivid memories as he stared intently at me from across the forest. Sterile venom and a miserable disposition, but at least my mind reading abilities were left intact. Well, I thought they were. It didn't go unnoticed by me that I couldn't hear one single fucking thought in Bella Swan's head. I couldn't dwell on it when I had more important things to concentrate on…like getting her spread bare and glistening before me.

Don't ignore me, man. I know you heard me.

Damn, I knew I couldn't avoid my brother and his empathic gift any longer. He had been aware of my new foreign emotions all week long. Arousal. He'd been demanding to know why. I groaned internally at the onslaught that Alice was aching to inflict upon me. She was able to envision what the future held for us, and I suddenly found myself wondering if Alice already knew my fate with the brown eyed girl.

"Fuck off, Jazz," I muttered, pushing myself from the tree and running as fast as possible in the opposite direction of my brothers. I needed to be alone. No, I needed her. I had stayed away for five entire days. I wouldn't wait any longer.

I found myself in her front yard, listening for any indication of consciousness inside the modest home. I heard the deep snoring and twisted dreams coming from a male figure. I assumed it was her father. My head jerked to the side as I heard a quiet, high pitched whimper that could only belong to the object of my desire. Her warm, perfect blood connected with my senses immediately and a moment later I was perched at her window, gazing in. My eyes closed and nostrils flared at the sight before me. I was already throbbing from just being in the near vicinity of her, but this was just more than I could bear.

She made me want to claw my way through the thin sheet of glass in a hasty attempt to cover her body with mine. It burned my throat and my dick pulsed in needy and heavy twitches. It was torture and I was absolutely aching for more. She lay on her back, little white tank top riding up her pale stomach and precariously short skirt barely hanging on as her fingers dove beneath it and her eyes pulled together in pleasure. Blood wasn't at the forefront of my mind any longer. It mixed with something else. Something stronger. I wanted to bust through this window and claim what was mine. I wanted her hot pussy in my mouth and her fingers pulling at my hair to get me closer. I took a deep whiff, trying to drown myself in her arousal when I was met with yet another smell. It was foul, and vaguely familiar. I immediately recognized it, but knew it couldn't be true. I shook the thought from my mind and concentrated on the writhing vixen burying her fingers deep inside her. I wanted to rejoice in the fact that I was correct in my assessment—she was certainly not a good girl. The short little skirt and dirty fucking words escaping her lips told me so. Fuck, if it were possible for a human to be made for a creature such as me, it was surely her.

It made my anticipation skyrocket.

I was a selfish being by nature. No one who knew me could deny that fact. This girl was potentially the one thing that made my existence worthwhile. Her blood, her body…it touched me somewhere deep inside. Somewhere that had been permanently cold and dormant. Until now. I'd never had these urges before. I wanted them satisfied. Deep down, I knew it would be pointless to try and evade her. Just pressing myself against her window, inches away from the object of my salvation…I could barely fucking control myself. There was no stopping me. If I could find a way to touch, to taste the girl without taking her life, then perhaps all three of my newfound desires could be met. I thought back to the reaction she had every day in biology. I smelled the heat between her legs, I watched as she stared at me breathlessly and full of want. Oh God, If she felt even a fraction of the need I had inside…

"Edward…" she breathed, running her fingers up and down her taut stomach as she stirred.

I pressed my face against the window, my cock twitching and dripping at the desperation of her cries. For me. I ground my erection into the side of the house in a frantic need for relief. I hadn't experienced sexual gratification in nearly thirty years as a result of the girl I murdered all those years ago. I wouldn't allow myself any sort of pleasure after that night. I didn't deserve it and I still didn't, but there was no denying it any longer.

She called for me.

I thrust my hips against the cheap siding audibly as her whimpered name fell from my pursed lips. Why was this happening to me? I didn't know this girl. There was no being on this earth who ever had any hold over me. Now all I wanted was this human child fulfilling my every need. I heard the wetness between her legs as she quickened her ministrations and arched her petite back off the bed. I was losing my grip on reality as the venom dripped from my teeth and down the back of my throat, wishing it was her hot, sweet liquid instead. I ran my tongue along the window in a feral, desperate attempt to get my mouth closer to her body. Fuck, it just wasn't enough.

"Faster, Edward. Fuck me harder."

I popped the button on my jeans and was ready to fuck my fist like I would her pretty little pussy. She had no idea how hard I'd fuck her once I claimed her as mine. Just as I was about to seek my pleasure and cum with the girl who defined me, the foul smell from earlier assaulted my senses in a strong wave.

There was no fucking way.

I heard quick footsteps approaching as I gazed at Bella longingly. I couldn't bear to leave her, but I knew I must. I was torn in two as I leaped from her window and took purchase in the concealment of the surrounding forest.

A tan skinned boy climbed the drain pipe leading to Bella's window, and I growled viciously at the prospect of this child viewing my Bella in her vulnerable state. Her pleasure belonged to me and her taste was mine to consume. He had no right. He was a Quileute…he was my enemy.

I ripped a tree from the cold ground and launched it behind me as animalistic rage replaced unadulterated desire. How dare that dog touch what was mine? How could she let him?

I felt her. She was uneasy. She didn't want him.

She wanted me, I knew it in my very core. I did everything in my power not to tear the window from its frame and shred the boy that dare cause torment to something that belonged to me.

I would be forced to do it if he didn't follow her pleas for him to leave. I would kill him with my bare hands and smile as the foul blood escaped his body. No one would ever harm her again, especially a fucking shape-shifter.

His scent was weak, and I found myself wondering if his transformation had even been made yet.

I waited with a baited and unnecessary breath as he asked her to 'jerk him off'. I'd happily rip his dick from his body and shove it down his throat if he so desired.

The boy—Embry, she had called him—finally took the hint and retreated. I was perched at her window the moment it was safe for me to do so. She lay on her bed, staring up at the ceiling with a confused and susceptible expression. I wanted to trace the back of her neck with my fingers and bury her face into my chest.

I sympathized with her. I didn't understand these feelings either. I just needed her, there was no other explanation. Her hands slid down her slim, pale frame as I mimicked her actions, squeezing my cock through its denim confines. I slid my zipper down slowly and released my extremely swollen cock, throbbing in time to the gentle caress of her name.

Bella.

Bella.

Bella.

It was the steady thumping of her very existence that replaced the beat of my long dead heart. I felt it reverberate through my ribcage and inside of my ears. I was literally alive once more with pulse and blood and light…it was all because of this beautiful creature before me.

"Fuck me," she groaned, fingers digging into the skin below her belly button and pulling. Red marks formed on her flesh and I wanted to soothe them with my tongue. I half whimpered, half growled as she writhed against purple sheets and drew sloppy circles around her bare heat. I stroked myself viciously, the head of my cock slamming against the side of the house with each violent thrust of my hips. I prayed I didn't crack the foundation when we were finally able to cum together.

"Edward…"

Fuck me, say it again.

"Edward!" Her hips rose from the bed as she thrashed and cried and throbbed. Her blood was racing. I wanted it in my throat.

Her climax washed through her with a final call of my name, and I was close. So fucking close to my first release in nearly three decades. Fuck if it wasn't going to be earth shattering. In her post coital daze, she mumbled incoherently and whimpered pleadingly--for me. I couldn't hold it any longer as my pleasure sounded out into the silence of the night. I growled and groaned as wave after wave of my fluid covered the barrier of her room. I was suddenly assaulted with two very alert consciences as I realized just how verbal my release was. I flew from her window and bolted into the surrounding woods. I ran as fast as my strength would carry me, smiling maniacally at the fact that my scent and fluid now defined her turf. Let it be a warning to all the little fools who thought they could have her. I marked my territory, and I couldn't suppress the predatory nature that was begging to be released inside of me.

I knew that if I faltered for even a moment, I'd do something I'd regret. Something I craved. Something I fucking burned for. I held on to my last shred of self control, coddling it and beseeching it to get me home before I demolished my purpose. I halted as I reached the flowing river in my backyard. She was my purpose. I sprinted towards the porch to meet Carlisle who was waiting for me expectantly. I couldn't even bring myself to feel ashamed at the scent of my arousal or the carnal gleam in my eye.

"Can we talk?" I asked desperately.

He simply nodded as I followed him inside.

I jogged up the steps and sucked in the venom that was pooled in my mouth. It was laced with the flavor of her blood and the scent of her arousal. It permeated the air and coated my throat enticingly.

I wouldn't be waiting long.

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Well?? How do you like our new angsty, sexy vamp boy? Call him Vampward, Biteward, or just plain Bitey…either way, I hope he pleases you. (What would you like to call him, ladies?)

Look for chapter two around this time next week, and also there will be a link for the Laid Bare forum over on Twilighted in the next chap.