May 09, 2006

Holding Out for a Hero

The new issue of The Advocate has a focus on the gays' fixation on superheroes, which should mean many a queer dollar spent this summer to see Superman Returns and X-Men: Final Stand.

Brandon's fabled bulge notwithstanding, I was especially curious to see that Ben Foster would be playing "The Angel," a winged mutant who looks like he just dragged his ass in from the White Party.

Foster, as you may recall, played Claire's bisexual boyfriend Russell on several episodes of "Six Feet Under." But as you will see in the photo, could it be that sensitive, little artist Russell is – of all things – fuckin' ripped?

The flick also features Kelsey Grammer as a character known as "The Beast."

I can just see a blue, ultra-effete mutant, and how menacing he will really be: "Niles, I'm going to disembowel you!"

May 08, 2006

Silent Hill: Turn Back Now

Imagine the runniest, most foul-smelling and gut-wrenching bout of diarrhea you have ever had in your life.

Now imagine it in celluloid form and projected onto a movie screen, and you will have Silent Hill, a movie on which I wasted two hours of my life and $13 yesterday afternoon.

I'm not going to bother with a full review because the film just isn't worth the effort or the bandwidth. But let's suffice it to say – as many critics have already done – that the dialog was leaden, the performances were almost universally laughable, and the plot isn't a plot so much as a cruel apparatus designed to torture anyone who is foolish enough to stay until the end credits.

With a running time of 127 minutes, that's a lot of pain to endure. My husband has no training whatsoever in film or television, and even he had several good ideas where to make major edits. My own suggestion would have been to cut everything after the words "Silent Hill" came onscreen.

Oddly, for a horror movie, Silent Hill isn't all that scary, although many of the CGI ghoulies and ghosties were at least visually striking. But it is quite gory. Appallingly, pornographically, disturbingly gory.

Specifically, the climactic scene of revenge near the end has enough gore by itself for at least three or four Wes Craven franchises. Bodies are ripped in two, chopped, diced and julienned by razor-wire. Women are vaginally, bloodily raped by the wire. Skin is flayed, clothes are stripped, extremities are severed. Blood flies, gushes and spatters. And all this in a church, no less.

It wasn't unlike the prom scene from Carrie, except that Carrie in this case was not a tormented high schooler whose dousing with pig's blood was a cruel prank, but rather a 9-year-old girl dancing merrily as the blood rained down upon her as if she were Gene Kelly.

Even with the normal suspension of disbelief one carries into a theater, the characters were almost completely unbelievable. They made choices that even the dullards who get offed in the first minutes of any Friday the 13th sequel would know to avoid.

If wooden acting, an unintentionally hilarious script, idiotic characters and plots with more dead-ends than the hunt for Osama bin Laden are your thing, then by all means, go see Silent Hill.

Cruise Gets Bruised

That might sound like a lot, but for a film that cost more than three times that much to make, and which had been predicted to earn much more, everybody's favorite vitamin-taking cult member might want to threaten to eat a few less placentas. ("Placentii"?)

NBC's "Dateline" show decided to take a far less ass-sucking route than Diane Sawyer on the publicity parade, opting for plenty of Scientology hijinks rather than Cruise's boyhood sob story.

You know when bloggers like Jessica Coen and Perez are featured in the piece that the claws are bound to come out.

By the way, who's the guy next to Cruise in the picture, anyway? Is it, you know — "him"?

May 01, 2006

A Sweet Preview

YouTube has a teaser trailer for the "Strangers With Candy" movie, scheduled for release on June 28:

The film is a prequel that has Jerri Blank (Amy Sedaris) returning home 32 years after becoming a runaway. It also stars Stephen Colbert and Paul Dinello "as a bible thumping science teacher and soft minded art teacher (respectively) in tragic love with each other."

April 04, 2006

Ryan, Rock, and the Rest

"Access Hollywood" served up some homo-rific clips tonight. First the breaking news (OK, that's what "Entertainment Tonight" would call it, anyway) that Teri Hatcher and Ryan Seacrest are not dating. (See also Starpulse, via Queerty.) I'll wait for you all to self-administer CPR over that one before I continue.

Then the three fabulous gals of 9 to 5 sat down to promote the release of that movie's DVD, 26 years after the Dolly Parton's jugs made their silver screen debut. Who knew that she could play any instrument, including her manicure?

And finally, Linda Evans discusses the kiss that "Rocked" Hollywood. How far we have come from all that hysteria.

March 27, 2006

Who's the Brokeback-est of Them All?

The distributors have offered us an as-of-yet undetermined number of DVDs, so we thought we would hold a contest to give them away, in recognition of how many rabid Brokeback fans are among our readership. (It might also have to suffice as a lame way of saying "thanks" when we hit our 1 millionth visit, if I can't think of anything else.)

So here's the deal:

Tell us your true story about how big a Brokeback fan you are. It can be funny, it can be moving, it can be about how the movie has inspired you, or how you have used it to change the minds of those around you. Maybe you're such a lunatic that you camped in a tent to be first in line. Or maybe you met your boyfriend at a Sunday matinee.

The best stories, as determined by Boy Robbie and myself (and perhaps a handful of other readers if we find ourselves in eye-gouging disagreement), will win however many DVDs we have to give away. It's as easy as that.

So write your stories directly in the comments section of this post. Or if you'd rather, email them to us. (If you email, however, you're consenting to having it published when we announce the winners.)

Try to keep them short, say, no more than 400 words or so. I won't be a bitch about limits, but be warned that you'll get points off if our eyes glaze over. The deadline for entries is midnight Eastern Daylight Time (not E.S.T.) on Tuesday, April 4, the day of the DVD's release. Winners will be announced ASAP afterward.

Good luck, and may the most obsessed fan win!

UPDATE: We will have two copies of the DVD to give away. If you don't win, I'm sure Andy Towle will have thousands of his own. :-)

So Jackson Browne Beat Her When He Discovered Her Penis?

March 20, 2006

Brokeback Galloping to DVD

What should land in my e-mail today, but the press release heralding the upcoming DVD of Brokeback Mountain.

Academy Award nominees Heath Ledger (The Patriot, Lords of Dogtown) and Jake Gyllenhaal** (Jarhead, Donnie Darko) star in the seminal film, Brokeback Mountain, the sweeping epic of two men who forge an intense, secretive bond, available on DVD from Universal Studios Home Entertainment April 4, 2006. Ang Lee’s (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon) skillfully nuanced direction, which earned him an Academy Award®, shapes Brokeback Mountain into a landmark story that is powerfully affecting. Also starring Academy Award® nominee for Best Supporting Actress Michelle Williams (The Station Agent, Prozac Nation) and Anne Hathaway (Princess Diaries, Ella Enchanted), this must-own DVD unfolds against the raw beauty and splendor of the American West.

Given the rapid turnover from big screen to home theater, there seems to be little in the way of extras.

On Being A Cowboy

Directing From the Heart: Ang Lee

From Script to Screen: Interviews with Larry McMurtry & Diana Ossana

Sharing the Story: The Making of Brokeback Mountain

We expect there will be supplemental features in a more extensive, later release. Still, if you're jonesing for your next Brokeback fix, you can head on over to Amazon and hope they update the pre-order page in the near future.

March 17, 2006

Lights, Camera, Homos

One of the films recently featured was the New York-shot "Seeing You in Circles," directed by Sam McConnell. It's a poignant story about ex-boyfriends meeting up again at their favorite hang-out. It is told in a style not dissimilar to Rashômon, with an individual focus on each of the characters.

I've grown a little weary of those who think networks like Logo don't fill much of a purpose. I'm sure the vast swath of Americans who don't have access to a gay and lesbian film festival like those of us in the big cities, for example, might have a differing view.

Chuck Purgason is an Ozarks-born farmer who runs a cow/calf operation near Caulfield, Mo. Many movies that came before Brokeback escaped the his eagle eye. But this time, it's personal:

“I feel cowboys across the nation have been put into a bit of a poor light,” Purgason said.

Purgason later withdrew the amendment, saying he was only joking. Sort of. “I do think they have been put in a bad light,” he said.

Purgason has a long career in both houses of the Missouri legislature, but the achievement he is most proud of was getting a free bowl of soup with that haircut.

If you'd care to offer other things Mr. Purgason might care to legislate, you can email him at chuck.purgason@senate.mo.gov, or call his office at 573-751-1882. Or offer them here in the comments section. [Thanks, Celeste!]

March 08, 2006

My Farmer's Not Gay, Is Yours?

Others have notedThe New York Times' laughably tardy foray yesterday into reporting on real-life women whose husbands later come out as gay, a la Brokeback Mountain.

But as an alert reader pointed out, there was a curiously gay-unfriendly reference near the top of the article. After relating the story of Amy Jo Remmele, a rural Minnesota woman who was divorced from her husband after she discovered his Gay.com profile, reporter Katy Butler then includes this seemingly gratuitous line:

"Mrs. Remmele — now married to a farmer who raises cattle, corn and soybeans — is one of an estimated 1.7 million to 3.4 million American women who once were or are now married to men who have sex with men."

If Ms. Butler doesn't toe the Times' GLBT line a little more carefully, she could find herself yanked from the Old Pink Lady's gay beat.

I suppose it's germane that Mrs. Remmele is now remarried, but that bit about "a farmer who raises cattle, corn and soybeans"? Are we to think that she is somehow less likely to wind up with a gay man because her hubby is some strapping pastoralist stereotype who's out bucking bales of hay every day? Perhaps she could have made her point more clearly by writing: "Mrs. Remmele — now married to a farmer who puts his penis into her vagina every day ..."

Obviously, Ms. Butler didn't see Brokeback Mountain, because if it taught us nothing else, it was that cowboys are all humping each other like ferrets.

[Note: There is at least a thin mist of sarcasm hovering over this post.]

March 07, 2006

Two Kings: Drag and Larry

Felicity Huffman is probably still wiping away the tears from her plunging Zac Posen neckline, but her Oscar-nominated portrayal of Bree Osbourne nevertheless inspired a clueless "Larry King" on Saturday Night Live to delve into the world of the transgendered.

The sketch was worth watching if for no other reason than to see host Natalie Portman as a drag king and looking more Vulcan than male.

March 06, 2006

Oscar Clippings: Brokeback

Very slim pickings in this category, as the gay film of the year drowned in snubsville. When the vistas of Alberta, Canada lost out to Memoirs of a Geisha in cinematography, it was a foregone conclusion the rompin, stompin cowboys weren't going to be on the business end of Hollywood love. They were on the business end of another sort of "affection."

Still, there were moments, from the red carpet, to the western montage, to the three wins that salvaged the night ever so barely.

So, here I present to you the most relevant Brokeback Mountain related highlights of the evening.

March 05, 2006

Entertainment, Tonight

The husband has turned me onto the phenomenon known as "Grey Gardens." Originally an acclaimed documentary about a pair of eccentric (to put it mildly) ladies who were related to Jackie O, and now in production as a movie to star Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange, it has also inspired an Off-Broadway musical that has been even harder to get tickets to than "Wicked." (Really.)

Well, we did manage to get tickets, but they are for tonight. Oscar night. So I present for your reading pleasure a selected mix of sites that will be providing ample live-blogging snark for the Oscars:

First, there are my eternal lovers at The Pen15 Club. Bookmark these guys, now.

February 16, 2006

Your Daily Brokeback

Guess what? It's another "Brokeback Mountain" day here, of sorts. I'm sure the cheers and jeers are flying in roughly equal measure right now. (Didn't I do a post a while back about being "Brokebacked out"?)

This post is a three-fer from me, and then Robbie says we should expect one from him later today. (I should warn you that much of this is NSFW.)

First up is last night's "Drawn Together" on Comedy Central. The "Malcon-noisseurs" among you know that I follow the show and have about as unhealthy an obsession with Xandir as one can have with a cartoon character.

"Drawn" is known for regularly going gay, with storylines that have included the gay marriage of Xandir and Spanky Ham, the Internet download pig.

This time it was Captain Hero who was vying for Xandir's affections. Hero showed up in the poorly conceived guise of "Tim Tommerson" as a way of exploring his own possible gay tendencies. And how the hot cartoon love did commence.

Next is the latest moment of gay zen from Howard Stern, who has been having a lot of them lately.

I know my sense of humor probably runs a wider gamut from high-brow to low-brow than most people's. In fact, my brow is sometimes so low that I trip over it, which is why the Stern Show's parody "Buttcrack Mountain" this morning got at least a couple of chuckles out of me.

And finally, after the jump is something that has already been on a few websites, but which I came across for the first time last night.

If you're familiar with "Brokeback," you'll remember the trips down the mountain to restock provisions. I howled as the hubbie read me the "Brokeback Mountain Weekly Grocery Lists," which became more and more – shall we say – "elaborate" as that long summer herding sheep wore on.

February 14, 2006

3 AM Cinema

One of the great advantages to having an adverse reaction to pain medication prescribed for an injury is being able to catch late night cable when independent movies are showcased more frequently. Tonight, I managed to see an airing of the 2000 Sundance hit Urbania starring Dan Futterman.

Quite honestly, Urbania is unlike any gay film I've ever seen. It opens as the main character, Charlie, finds himself walking the shadowed, autumn streets of New York, wandering from bar to bar, searching for an elusive street hustler. He leaves phone messages for an apparent ex boyfriend while flashing back on their once happy life together. He visits a fellow gay friend (Alan Cumming), a man whose once glittering social life lay in ashes, his frail form wracked by the last, grim stages of AIDS. What has happened here? Where is Charlie's boyfriend, his friends, his life?

I can't give any kind of real answer without spoiling the film. Suffice to say, Urbania is a strange mixture of a character darkly nagivating through his grief at a relationship lost, intimacy unattainable in the aftermath, and a thrilling, almost erotic fascination with the paradoxically homophobic hustler who set all these events into motion.

The movie's worth a see for the acting, the dialogue, the atmosphere, and not least of all the actors (cutie Futterman, an angelic Matt Keeslar, and a very sleazy Samuel Ball). It's a surprisingly moving film, especially in the final act as Charlie comes to terms with everything he must.