Thursday, December 30, 2010

I know I should be posting about Christmas but I'm too tired and sick to download the photos and then write a post about them. Instead, this post is about the non-Christmas related events that have been happening around here, mostly about James. We had a very interesting week leading up to Christmas. Adam got a call out of the blue from the man he had been working with for a year to get THE job that he was officially rejected for a few months ago. Another position has opened up in the company in Utah and this guy called Adam and invited us to attend a Christmas party at his home where several other reps with the same company would be in attendance. He seemed pretty excited about us coming and for the opportunity for Adam to network with these guys. We were so excited to have been invited and I was less excited about actually attending. I really had no desire to go and make small talk but I was, of course, ready to put on my party face and make a great impression. The night we were to leave for said party, this guy calls Adam and says he's really sorry but he didn't check with his wife first before inviting us and she was really upset because she had planned for a specific number of people. Basically, he was uninviting us. WHO DOES THAT? Anyway, so we canceled our plans and they had a nice conversation about him setting up a meeting for Adam with a really good contact in the company after the first of the year. So, it wasn't that bad. The guy is still going way out of his way to try and help Adam land this other job. It's pretty flattering actually considering this guy really doesn't even know Adam that well but has been so impressed with him that he really wants to work with him within the company. At least we have a ray of hope that a better job is in the works for us. It's pretty frightening to even get our hopes up because it honestly was like dealing with a death after we didn't get that job. It was one of the hardest times of our married life. Hopefully, 2011 will be a good year for us.Anyway, moving on to James. So, a few days before Christmas James started screaming again from tooth pain. I called our dentist and of course he was out of the office until January 3rd. I talked to the receptionist for a while and explained the situation. She said, "Well, I would just be really surprised if there is anything wrong if you just had him in a couple of weeks ago and the doctor thought everything looked good." Me-- "Well, how do you explain his screaming in pain, then?"Her-- "Oh, I don't know I just do paperwork." The conversation ended with her saying she would call the dentist and she would call me right back. Yeah, right. I could tell by her tone that I wasn't going to hear from her. So I asked her if she could at least recommend a pediatric dentist and she said no that I would just have to call around and good luck because everyone was probably already gone for the holiday. I felt like screaming at her, "Merry Christmas to you too, you heartless jerk!" Oh yeah, and she also said I would have a hard time since he's on Medicaid and most doctors aren't taking any more Medicaid patients. I was already starting to panic enough as it was without her telling me all of this. I went to the Medicaid website and started calling all of the pediatric dentists on the list (only about 15 total). Every office I called either didn't accept Medicaid anymore or they were closed for the holidays. I was freaking out. I have a child screaming in pain and no one would help us because he's on Medicaid. Why should my child have to suffer just because he's on Medicaid? It's not his fault that they don't reimburse enough to cover costs. And there was no way in hell I was going to take him to the butcher shop known as Small Smiles. The reviews I've read about that place are chilling. Finally! The last dentist, Dr. Larry Meadors, answered the phone and cheerfully said they could see him the Monday after Christmas. I was so relieved that someone was willing to help us. I took him in on Monday and they took x-rays (first dentist office hadn't done x-rays in over a year) and the x-rays showed that his tooth was almost rotted and needed to be pulled and a spacer put in for the permanent tooth. His molar on the other side needs to have a pulpotomy and there are two other really small cavaties that need to be filled. Finally, some answers as to why he has been screaming in pain. Poor little guy. I would venture to say that he has had problems since Halloween with this but our family dentist seemed to think everything was fine. Dr. Meadors wants to put him out and do surgery at the hospital since he's so little and there's quite a bit of work that needs to be done. The crappy part? The hospital initially set his appointment for February 3rd! The soonest they had an operating room. There was a cancelation so now his appointment is January 13th which is still three weeks away. We are supposed to just ride it out on codeine until then. I feel so frustrated and helpless. He's not really sleeping unless he's doped up and he's cranky and tired during the day. I'm thankful we at least have a plan in place but I pray there will be another cancelation so we can get into the OR even sooner. I hate seeing him suffer. I am absolutely powerless to alleviate his pain other than with codeine and a lot of times he still screams for another 30 minutes until the medication starts to take effect. My poor little James has been suffering all this time. I asked Dr. Meadors why he has all of these problems when we brush very faithfully twice a day and I'm the one doing the brushing. He said some kids just have weaker teeth than others.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

I just realized that I haven't posted anything in a long time that has really been going on in our family. A while ago I started noticing that James has been increasingly tired and lethargic. I didn't really think it was anything until it wouldn't go away. He has been agitated, irritable, and chronically fatigued. I thought maybe he had mono or an elusive infection of some kind so I took him to our family practitioner. The doc examined him and couldn't find anything outwardly wrong with him so he ordered a blood draw and then referred us to a pediatric cardiologist after he detected a normal-sounding murmur. His blood work came back normal according to our family physician. A few days later James was complaining about a tooth that he has had worked on before and I thought immediately that that must be the root of his problems. I took him to the dentist on Monday and the dentist was very pleased with the way his tooth looked and didn't even charge us for the visit but called it a "follow-up" appointment (best dentist ever!). I left with mixed emotions. I was certainly happy that his tooth was fine and no more work was required but I was also wondering what was wrong with him. We also met with the cardiologist on Monday and an ultrasound of his heart was conducted. She said the murmur that our family physician had heard was a thickening of his aortic valve that makes a strange sound when his heart pumps. She said that at this time it isn't restricting blood flow but it will need to be checked every two years or so as he grows as it will continue to thicken as stiffen with age. She said the likelihood of it ever restricting blood flow is fairly small which is good. However, she wants to monitor his heart for 24 hours (EKG) this Friday just to make sure his heart impulses are "firing" correctly. She also said that his thyroid levels on his blood test were borderline low and they will recheck in a month to make sure that he really is a little low on TSH and not just some fluke. This diagnosis makes the most sense to me. Thyroid problems run rampant in my family including myself, my father, and my brother. It would also explain his chronic fatigue and somewhat restless sleep. Although a hypothyroid person my feel fatigued all of the time, it actually inhibits sleep. I can personally testify to that. However, I guess we will see what the second test reveals. Although I would never wish that diagnosis on my child, I'm hoping that's what the problem is-- it's easy to treat, it's not life-threatening, and it would finally explain why my little man is so, so tired all of the time.

As for Ruby, we moved her into James' room which has helped with bedtime immensely. I no longer have to lay down with James while he goes to sleep which I actually didn't mind because it only took about 5-10 minutes. It has also helped with James not getting up in the night to come into our room. I guess he was just lonely and scared and wanted a little company. Ruby has adjusted well to the change and I think it has sort of brought them closer together. They have been playing more together the last few days.Ruby is growing so fast and has transformed from a baby into a little girl seemingly overnight. She ends many of her sentences with, "right, mom?" or "right, James?" It's pretty adorable. She is like her mom in that she loves to make people laugh. She's always making these crazy faces with her eyes rolled back in her head and then she laughs and laughs. She seems much more carefree than James. Adam started working nights I think two weeks ago now? Something like that. It's been pretty sucky adjusting to the new schedule. I know the kids miss him and I feel like I never see him. I have felt like a single parent since he started this new shift. I'm grateful he has a job but I really hope it's just temporary until something better comes along.

After writing my entry on music, I laid in bed last night and couldn't stop thinking about some of my musical obsessions over the years and when I say obsession I mean I bought at least two albums from one artist or group. Here are some of my musical loves throughout the years:Neil YoungREMU2Bob MarleyClumsy LoversAni DiFrancoSarah MaclachlanAlison KraussRyan AdamsBare Naked LadiesThe BeatlesRolling StonesGarth BrooksTom PettyElton JohnMichael JacksonBen Folds FiveBeckViolent FemmesGreen DayBuilt to SpillRay CharlesLyle LovettThe CureBen HarperPrinceElvisModest MousePaul SimonJohnny CashCakeBeach BoysWeezerTalking HeadsI also went through a classic rock phase in high school. Every morning senior year I had the Eagles, CCR, or Steve Miller blasting. I love classic country as well along with classic jazz and blues along the lines of Etta James and Billie Holliday, Patsy Cline. There are so many music loves. I almost don't want to publish this list because it's definitely not comprehensive. I've only listed some of the artists that I have multiple albums of. You may wonder why I chose to blog about something that no one really cares about other than myself. Here's the reason-- music was such a huge part of my life before I got married. My friends and I talked about music and books a lot. We spent a lot of time on the weekends going to concerts or hanging out in smoky bars to hear a favorite band play or to dance the night away. I guess one of the reasons I decided to start a blog in the first place was so that I could have a place to write about who I am both as a mother as well as the non-mother part of me. Some days I feel so disconnected from my non-mother part of who I am and sometimes I miss it. This is who I am outside of motherhood and I hope to be able to pass on my passion for music to my children.Who are some of your music obsessions?

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

I love music. It is one of my absolute favorite things in the universe. In saying that, you are probably thinking, "Doesn't everybody?" Yes, and that's what makes it so great. I would have gone insane years ago without music. Any time in my life when I felt sad or depressed, angry or happy I would turn to a wide selection of music and work out my emotions. It's amazing how you can be instantly transported back in time simply by hearing the first few notes of a particular song. I guess I consider myself a bit of a music geek, not a musical talent or prodigy as I am neither of those things but rather a respectful admirer of the power of music.I started taking piano lessons when I was about seven. That was the year my parents bought a piano and me and my older brothers all started taking lessons. I am very grateful that my parents did not let me quit lessons even though I wanted to many times. Finally, in eighth or ninth grade my dad said I could quit as soon as I could play all of the hymns in the hymnbook. Well, that became my goal and, unfortunately, I did quit shortly after since neither my dad nor myself recognized that hymns aren't exactly the height of piano playing ability. At any rate, it put a lot of my focus on the hymns and primary songs and that has been a huge blessing in my life. As I practiced, I would sing all of the verses in my head and now I know many of the hymns including all of the verses. Hymns or arrangements of hymns are still my favorite pieces to play because of the spirit I feel when I play them.I lacked a lot of confidence growing up and so I never pursued sports or other extracurricular activities other than choir. I sang in choir throughout elementary, junior high and high school not that you can tell by my voice, believe me, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. This past Sunday our ward choir participated in our annual Stake Choir Christmas concert. It was so great to be able to participate and to sing Christmas carols. I love Christmas and the music is a huge part of that especially Handel's "Messiah." I honestly can not imagine music any more beautiful than that. A chapter in one of my favorite books, " A Natural History of the Senses" is devoted to music and discusses it's effects on us emotionally, physically, and socially. It's fascinating reading if anyone is interested. Anyway, that's it. Love music and life would seriously be dull without it.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

This year I decided to add a few more ornaments to the tree. I was having a hard time deciding when I came across an article in one of those cooking/housekeeping/decorating type magazines. The article was about how to decorate a tree using inexpensive materials. One of the ideas was to string real ribbon candy and hang it on the tree. Now, why didn't I ever think of that? I love the look of ribbon candy although I detest the taste of it. And the best part? I only paid two bucks for 12 pieces. Not bad. Oh, and they look pretty on the tree.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

I have been reading a lot more lately. For some odd reason, I am on a John Grisham kick which is kind of strange for me because I typically try to avoid a lot of mainstream books. However, I have found a guilty pleasure in his books. They are like brain candy-- super easy reads, entertaining, and requires almost absolutely no thought. This past week, I decided to take a break from Grisham and picked up Bill Bryson's new book instead titled "At Home: A Short History of Private Life." I could not put this book down. It's non-fiction and contains the short histories of nearly everything--bathing, sewers, children in Victorian England, gynecology, architecture, clothes, corsets, etc, etc. Utterly fascinating. Each page was filled with seemingly incomprehensible details about private life primarily during the Victorian (1840ish-early 1900s) era. All I can say after finishing this book is thank goodness I did not live back then. I can't imagine a more disgusting, dirty, filthy, loathsome existence and I am so thankful to live in this modern age of cleanliness. One poor district in London during the 1800's, had six inches of excrement on tenement front "lawns" and another three feet of it in the basement. They didn't believe in bathing because they thought dirty, clogged pours actually kept you from getting sick. One man reportedly after death had not bathed in so long that when they took his undershirt off, it actually took patches of skin with it. Oh, and don't even get me started on the corpse problems. Apparently, the stench was so horrific at most churches (coffins were stacked in the basement and that's how churches made most of their money. One large church had around 20,000 coffins in the basement alone!) that several people fainted during services. Eventually, people stopped attending church altogether. Anyway, a fascinating, engrossing book. I really hated to see it end. So if you are looking for a good read, I highly recommend this one. What good books have you read lately?

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

The other night, Adam and I took the kids to the mall so they could run around and work out their energy. On our way back to the car we walked through Dillard's and James was riding in the stroller. He had one of those toy microphones that echoes when you speak into it. We were passing through the shoe department where a headless mannequin was situated in the middle of the aisle and dressed in fishing gear. I hear James say, "Attention! Everybody needs to leave the store. There's a fisherman without a head!" It was hilarious at the time. It still makes me giggle as I can hear his little voice making his mock announcement.

Monday, November 15, 2010

I haven't really felt like posting lately. At least, not about anything that's really going on in our lives. Mostly, because there isn't a lot to report and what I do have to say is kind of negative. But, just to summarize some key events from the past month or two:

--Adam started working at DirecTV in the call center. Let's just say that Adam hating his job is a bit of an understatement. --Decided to short sell the house like everyone else in America. I can't express my anger and frustration with our government and the mortgage crisis. I can't really think about it or else I get really upset. It sickens me that so much money was WASTED on government bailouts when every adult in the US could have personally been given enough money to significantly pay down or completely pay off our mortgages. Oh, how it angers me. And then, no one will help you UNLESS you are behind at least one payment. Hello! We needed help two years ago when Adam first lost his job but we struggled EVERY month to make our payment on time and maintain stellar credit. It's such a joke. A mortgage company would rather wait until you fall behind and the seller is either forced to short sell or the home goes into foreclosure and the bank LOSES a ton of money. It's insanity. If they would have worked with us before we fell behind and refinanced our mortgage, they would not be losing 50,000k plus dollars. The absolute stupidity of it all is completely mind boggling to me. It's such a waste for everyone involved. --Decided not to take a full time job that was offered to me that actually paid pretty decently. Here's my reasoning--we aren't trying to save the house at this point. There's no valid reason to try to save it. And, as much as my kids drive me crazy sometimes, I am more than willing to go without a lot of things so that I can be home with them. I had to do several days of training before I was offered the job and those few days were horrible. James cried and said he didn't want me to go and that he wanted to be with me. I'm sorry, but it's just not worth it to me. I'll drive a crappy, piece of a car, and I'll wear the same clothes until they are worn out, or whatever, but I'm willing to pay that price to be at home. I was praying about whether I should take the job or not and I really felt that Heavenly Father would bless us for trying to do what He wants us to do. We talked about Adam quitting and me working since the job I was offered paid quite a bit more but it just didn't feel right to either or us. Adam is to provide and I am to take care of James and Ruby. I'm still looking for a part-time job, however. --Moved out a bunch of stuff from our house over the weekend since, eventually, we won't be living here. It felt good to get rid of four car/truck loads of stuff.--I guess that's about it. This has been a very humbling experience. It was so completely devastating to not get THE job a couple of months ago. I think we are just now starting to come out of the depression a little bit. I try to focus on the fact that we are all healthy, our family is intact, we have the gospel, and we have awesome friends and family. I guess in the end, those are the things that really matter and everything else is a nice bonus.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Taken from a speech by Ronald Reagan given on Veteran's Day at the Vietnam Memorial.

"This memorial has become a monument to that living love. The thousands who come to see the names testify to a love that endures. The messages and mementos they leave speak with a whispering voice that passes gently through the surrounding trees and to out across the breast of our peaceful nation: a childhood teddy bear, a photograph of the son or daughter born too late to know his or her father, a battle ribbon, a note -- there are so many of these, and all are testimony to our living love for them. And our nation itself is testimony to the love our veterans have had for it and for us. Our liberties, our values, all for which America stands is safe today because brave men and women have been ready to face the fire at freedom's front. And we thank God for them.

Yes, gentle heroes and living love and our memories of a time when we faced great divisions here at home. And yet if this place recalls all this, both sweet and sad, it also reminds us of a great and profound truth about our nation: that from all our divisions we have always eventually emerged strengthened. Perhaps we are finding that new strength today, and if so, much of it comes from the forgiveness and healing love that our Vietnam veterans have shown.

For too long a time, they stood in a chill wind, as if on a winter night's watch. And in that night, their deeds spoke to us, but we knew them not. And their voices called to us, but we heard them not. Yet in this land that God has blessed, the dawn always at last follows the dark, and now morning has come. The night is over. We see these men and know them once again -- and know how much we owe them, how much they've given us, and how much we can never fully repay. And not just as individuals but as a nation, we say we love you."

Say what you will about Reagan, the man was an amazing speaker, thanks in large part to Peggy Noonan his preeminent speech writer.

I really enjoyed last month's Ensign, the edition that was all about temples. I think my children liked it even more. They spent more time pouring over the pages and examining all of the beautiful photos of the exteriors and interiors of various temples from around the world. They were so excited to find it in the mail and eagerly opened it and flipped through the pages. James asked me a lot of questions about each picture. He wanted to know the name/location of each temple and then asked me all about the photos of the celestial rooms, sealing rooms, and baptismal font. He sat enthralled as I told him about how Adam and I knelt at the alter and held hands and we were sealed together forever and ever and because we were married in the temple then we would always be a family, even in heaven. I am so grateful that I have a testimony and that I can teach my children eternal truths.

James' prayer tonight: "Please bless that a mustache will grow on me." That one came out of nowhere. I hate to laugh because it only encourages him to be disruptive during prayer time but I couldn't hold back on that one.

I received one of the nicest compliments about James this past Sunday. He had two male teachers as substitutes for his primary class and one of them was President Belnap (for those of you who know who he is). For those of you who don't know who he is, he is a former stake president, bishop, and counselor in the Boise Mission, and current high councilor. The man is intense and honestly intimidates me a bit. He looks and talks like a general authority and, even though I don't know him well at all, I respect him a lot. Anyway, as soon as Primary was over (I happened to be in there because James was giving the closing prayer in closing exercises), President Belnap made a beeline for me and then told me how impressed he was with my boy. He said James gave very deep, thoughtful answers when questions were asked, he sat very quietly and raised his hand. When he asked the class what their favorite story of Jesus was, James said, "When he died on the cross." President Belnap said that James explained and understood doctrine better than some adults. WOW! That was really amazing to hear from someone with an outside perspective. It made me think about a lesson I gave a while ago in Relief Society about how we bring spiritual gifts with us from the premortal world. I have always felt that one of James' inherent gifts is his ability to comprehend the doctrines of the gospel. I'm not really sure how to explain it but I'm sure all of you mothers out there feel the same way about your children's special gifts. James is a ponderer and will randomly ask me deep questions about the atonement and stories from the scriptures. His simple faith strengthens my testimony and faith and keeps me going when I really want to be weak.

We played pretty hard this weekend. Friday night, we attended my parents' ward trunk or treat. Saturday morning, we went to Boo at the Zoo with Mo and Mia, Saturday night we went to our own ward's trunk or treat, and then trick or treating Sunday night with all of the cousins. James and Ruby were pretty worn out by Sunday night and our house is overflowing with candy at the moment. Ruby was the cutest lil' Mickey Mouse I've ever seen (of course). It was fun celebrating Halloween for three days, stretching it out and making the most of the holiday.We also took the kids to a pumpkin patch earlier in the month which was a lot of fun. The other pics are with cousins.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Last Sunday morning Adam, my sisters Charity and Emily, my brother Bryan, and I flew to Miami. We spent one night at the Hilton by the airport and near little Havana. There really wasn't much to do close to our hotel so we just hung out at the pool, went to the gym, and walked down to a local grocery store. It is safe to say that we were definitely the minority in that area. Almost everyone walking on the streets, working in the stores and restaurants, driving our shuttles, etc were all from Cuba. The next day, we were shuttled over to the Miami Port and boarded our cruise ship. We spent the next five days and four nights aboard The Majesty of the Seas, making stops in Key West, Florida, the Bahamas, and an island paradise called Coco Cay. EF generously paid for everything (airfare, cruise, gratuities, drinks, shuttles, and hotel) for everyone in my party. In Key West, we rented a 6 person golf cart and cruised around the island, stopping to take in the beach, shops, an old cemetery, and Ernest Hemingway's house. It was fun and I'm really glad we decided to rent it. We were able to see a lot more than if we had opted to walk. Although we had fun in Key West, I really have no desire to ever go back. It was severely overrun with tourism and the surrounding water wasn't even blue or clear. The next day, we stopped in Nassau, Bahamas. EF paid for us to go on a snorkeling excursion which took the majority of the afternoon. They took us out on a katamaran and we snorkeled for about an hour around a coral reef. The water was uh-mazing. Absolutely beautiful, crystal clear and warm. We saw a lot of beautiful fish and swallowed a lot of sea water. By the time we got back to land, a major thunderstorm hit and we ended up getting sopping wet while trying to get back on the cruise ship. We decided to stay on the ship for dinner since it was free anyway rather than try to head back into the storm. After dinner, we got a taxi and went over to Atlantis resort to check out the aquarium and view the grandeur of the largest resort in the Caribbean. On our way to Atlantis, our taxi driver took us to a very scary looking liquor store so that my brother could by some rum for some coworkers who gave him money to bring some back. (That's a whole story in itself)On board, the ship itself was pretty fun. While it's not exactly my absolute ideal vacation, it was fun and how can I complain when it's free? There were a lot of activities to do on board. We went to the gym and danced every night to 70's, 80's, and top 40's music. We also sang karaoke, hung out on deck staring at the ocean (I saw a dolphin!), played games, hung out by the pool, saw some shows, and ate, and ate, and ate. I was so sick of eating by the end of the trip. Our last day was by far the best day of the cruise. We spent the entire day at an island owned by the cruise line. It was so amazing. The beach was saturated with shells, the water was indescribably beautiful, warm and clear, and the sand was as soft as cookie dough. Adam and I played beach volleyball, we played in the water all day, had a beach barbecue, and then ended the day at the aqua park. The aqua park was so fun complete with a trampoline, and super fast slide that sent us soaring into the ocean. Holy awesome! I found a starfish, my sisters saw two stingrays, colorful fish abounded, and we had the water and beach to ourselves for the most part. It was sad when we had to leave and head back to the ship. All in all, it was a really fun trip. I'm glad my sisters and brother were able to go. They really made the trip a lot more fun. As for James and Ruby, they spent most of the week at grandma's. I can honestly say that I really didn't miss them that much until I got home and then I realized how glad I was to see them. However, it was really nice to have a break from the fighting, and the screaming, and the tantrums, and the parental responsibility. I love my kids but I also love having a break from them once or twice a year. They were really happy to see us. Sadly, it's back to reality for us now. Adam starts his glamorous job at DirectTV tomorrow. He was a little depressed about it today. Oh well, I'm hoping it won't be for long.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

In a few weeks, Adam and I are going on our FREE cruise to the Bahamas! I had so many travel points from placing students that I am also taking my two sisters and brother all for free! Should be a great time. I didn't even want to go because I was so depressed but now I am getting excited and I'm sure it will do us some good to get away from our lives for a week.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Don't you just hate hearing the phrase "eternal perspective" sometimes? Especially when it relates directly to you? Perhaps I hate the phrase sometimes because I'm not actually ready yet to accept that things happen for a reason and I have no control over the situation except for how I react to it.

The details of what went down earlier this week are as follows:

Sort of realized Monday night it was going to happen as his application status had been changed to "No longer being considered." We had to wait an agonizing night before this information could be confirmed. We were hoping and praying it was some mistake.

Tuesday morning Adam gets a call from his contact he's been working with for the last year and he tells Adam that, unfortunately, someone had applied at the last minute with experience and they got along well. They couldn't justify not hiring him over Adam who has no experience in the operating room.

Some good news-- His contact said that he, the VP and Regional Manager who all interviewed Adam in his last interview, were completely blown away and impressed with his persistence, preparation, and interviewing skills. He said that he personally learned a lot from Adam and to not be discouraged. He said that the VP and Regional Manager were so impressed that they have already made the effort to contact people both within and without the company and that they really want Adam on their team wherever they can get him.

That helped soften the blow a little bit. Then, the RM called Adam later that night and basically said the same thing and that another division was going to be making some personnel changes in the near future and he would do all that he could to help him get the job if he is interested. I mentioned all of this to my brother, Greg, who works in the industry and he said that is a HUGE deal that those guys would even take the time to do something like that. Greg said they must have been super impressed to go to those lengths because that never happens in business. Higher-ups don't care, they move on with life, and business is business.

We were talking to Adam's dad yesterday and he said when he gave Adam a blessing right before his final interview, he just didn't feel like this was his job but he definitely felt like this was the right company and the right direction.

I know Adam still has some residual anger and he's very confused and depressed about this because he had received several strong impressions that THIS was his job. I think perhaps Heavenly Father wanted him to feel that way so that he would try his very hardest to stand out and impress them. Which he did. I guess the Lord doesn't want us in Salt Lake and, for whatever reason, not that particular job. I DO know that, throughout this year-long process, he has gained some powerful allies and connections and that OUR job will be found through those people. We have prayed and expected miracles. In this case, it takes time to bring about a miracle.

This morning, I read a quote by Neal A. Maxwell: "The thermostat on the furnace of affliction will not have been set too high for us--though clearly we may think so at the time. Our God is a refining God who has been tempering soul-steel for a very long time. He knows when the right edge has been put upon our excellence and also when there is more in us than we have yet given. One day we will praise God for taking us near to our limits--as He did His Only Begotten in Gethsemane and Calvary."

Adam and I have definitely struggled during the last two years but we have always been able to get by with my job, unemployment, sporadic work for Adam. We are, in a sense, stepping into the dark. With ZERO income now (my job is over), perhaps the hardest and final part of this trial is beginning. "We receive no witness until after the trial of our faith." This is it. We're down to nothing and now we have to trust that the Lord will guide us through the dark and into the light.

For the past month, Adam has been attending the temple daily. He made a covenant with the Lord that he would attend every day until he found a job. Yesterday, he was angry and didn't want to go. I decided I would go in his place with my sister and parents. As I was getting ready to leave, he was ironing his shirt and preparing his clothes for a morning session. It made me cry because that's why I married him. Because he has more faith than anyone I have ever seen. He is always willing and ready to sacrifice his time and his talents. He is always the first to volunteer for anything in the church, one of the few who stays to clean up after every ward activity, always ready to jump in and help wherever he is needed.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Today was one of those days when I feel like I didn't even go to church. My children were so embarrassingly loud and disruptive that Adam and I got NOTHING out of sacrament meeting and then we took turns helping out in the nursery. When Adam was serving as the Ward Mission leader a while ago, he went out to do visits with the ex-stake president/ex-Boise Mission councilor/ex-Bishop/current high counselor. This guys is super spiritual and talks like a general authority. They went to visit a less-active member of our ward and the general authority-like spiritual giant starts talking to the guy about sacrament meeting and how it's the highlight of his week to be able to sit for a few quiet moments and ponder the mission of our Savior. Adam and I have talked about that several times and how 99% of our sacrament meetings post-children have been anything BUT quiet and peaceful, not even leaving a few moments of quiet time to reflect on the sacrifice of our Savior. The less-active they were visiting was a young father of two small children like ourselves and Adam told him that he (Adam) doesn't usually get moments of reflection during sacrament meeting but he continues to go because he knows it's spiritually vital for himself and his family. Today was one of those days at church. I must report, though, that James is consistently one of THE best kids in primary. And I'm not just saying that because I'm his mom. Teachers and leaders tell me all the time how he sits so quietly on the front row with his Sunbeam class and sings the songs and is never disruptive. It's amazing to me because he is the exact opposite at home. He is so obedient when Adam and I aren't around. I wonder when he will start being obedient for us.

Here are some random pictures of Ruby. She's obsessed with her "bike" that she got for her birthday. She wants to ride it all the time. We lost one of the lenses to her sunglasses but she still wanted to wear them and we are too cheap to buy her a new pair. She's content with these and calls them her "pirate sunglasses." Grandma ended up buying her a new pair because she said it was spooky looking at Ruby in the rear view mirror. That made me laugh.