Inspirational Weekly Parsha Insights and anecdotes of Rabbi Schwartz and his never dull family as they acclimate and absorb into their new home in Karmiel Israel, having made Aliyah- August 2010

Karmiel

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Friday, November 6, 2015

Time is a Ciggerette- Chayei Sarah 2015/5776

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land
from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

November 6th 2015 -Volume 6, Issue 5 23rd
Cheshvan 5776!

Parshat Chayei Sara

Time is a Cigarette

The modern day Hebrew language spoken in Israel has many words
that, interestingly enough, have different translations and meaning as a result
of distortions from their English- somewhat imitated- sources. I'll never
forget when a friend of mine went to the mechanic, and in broken Hebrew
explained how he had a problem with his tire mounting. The mechanic quickly and
of course knowingly explained, "Ohh .. your "Bek –Eksel"
. When my friend tried explaining that it was actually the front Axle of his
car. The mechanic once against "translated" in Hebrew "Ahhhh
you mean your "Bek Eksel- Kadimah" (your front- back axle).
Needless to say they did not always get it right.

As Americans in a yeshiva with many Israelis there was a running
joke we had about translations. I think it happened when an American running
late for an appointment once asked an Israeli in broken Hebrew "Ten Li
Time BVakashah" meaning to say "please give me thetime".
The Israeli responded as most Israelis would by sticking his hand into his
pocket pulling out a cigarette; in fact the most popular brand in Israel called
TIME, and would then proceed to offer to light it up for the rather taken aback
inquirer. I don't know why in Israel cigarettes are called TIME. For that matter
I'm not really sure in America why they're called Marlboro (maybe after the
cowboy). But from that point on whenever anyone would ask what time it was we
would answer "Time is a cigarette".

As I think about it now in retrospect I note how ironic it was. What
a ridiculous name for perhaps one of the greatest killers of time on this
world. Is there a cigarette called LIFE or HEALTH? Why Time? The story is told
of how once the great Sage, the Chafetz Chaim, heard someone discussing what he
was going to do until his train arrived, as it seemed it would be delayed for a
few hours. Upon hearing the young man says (inYiddish of course) that he was
going to "kill a little time walking around the city". The
Chafetz Chaim turned to him in a strong voice and said "Killing Time is
the right word to use- because to kill time it is in fact murder". Yet
how many of us can say we haven't done that with our time? How many of us in
fact have seen their time as if it was nothing more meaningful than a
cigarette; to be enjoyed and smoked till there's nothing but ash left. What is
our perspective on time?

This week’s Torah portion tells us of one person (actually two…
extra bowl of chulent if you can find the second) that did not feel that life
or time was a cigarette. As our forefather Avraham ages, the Torah tells us a
description of its view of his "golden years"

Vavraham Zakein Bah Bayomim -And Avraham was old, coming in days.

The late 16th century Torah Commentary Klei Yakar notes
the strange terminology of coming in days. Doesn't it already say he was old?
What is the extra "with days" mean?

His suggestion written in the 16th century, and even
more relevant in today's world, reveals a unique perspective on time. Many
people become old from their days. They are weary of their lives. They feel
they have had enough. Even in their youth and their young and healthy years,
their days are always viewed as empty, as time that needs to be killed as a
life that is just waiting to be over. When they finally reach those years when time
perhaps ticks the fastest and loudest, they have become so attuned to wasting
it that they can't hear its toll.

Avraham, our forefather, was different though, he came with his
days. As the Medrash tells us, he was old. But each day that he had lived had
been full… had been dedicated… had been real. They were with him and they were
his driving energy. He was still coming. He was still living.

There is a very powerful story of the Gaon of Vilna who upon his
death bed turned to his students and began to break out in sobbing and tears as
he grasped his Tzitzit fringes. When his students asked him what was
wrong. He lifted his voice and said "Woe is me that I am leaving this
world. A world where one can find eternity for a few kopecks, purchasing a few
strings, and performing a mitzvah with
them properly. Woe is me that I am leaving such an incredible world with such
incredible potential."

For many of us we long for this image of a peaceful death,
surrounded by family and friends expressing gratitude for life. The Gaon of
Vilna however saw something else. Life and Time are meant to be treasured and
utilized. Even those last minutes. For each minute is a lifetime, and each act
can and should be treasured. Death is always tragic for he who is still
coming. Life is tragic for he who is not or has never come. May each of
us use and appreciate each of those precious moments and never be guilty of
taking our time for granted.

“Shpeiz
kocht men in top un koved krigt der teller.”- The food
is cooked in a pot and the plate gets the honor

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S JEWISH PERSONALITY AND HIS QUOTES IN HONOR OF THE
YARTZEIT OF THE WEEK

.“The
Jewish People is a nation to the extent that it is dedicated to its Torah ... .
The Jewish People did not create the Torah of Israel, but is rather the product
of the fulfillment of the Torah, of the metaphysical imperative to realize the
values that are embodied in the ethical pronouncements of the Prophets, in the
vision of the Torah and in the vision of mankind. For me, Jewish education is
education in order to practice, for Judaism is manifested in the fulfillment of
commandments. There is no Judaism that is just embedded in the heart. I don’t
believe in Judaism that is only felt in the heart” Rabbi Shlomo Goren

Yartzeit-24th of Cheshvan
this Shabbos

Rabbi Shlomo Goren-Third Chief Rabbi
of Israel (1917-1994)-Rav Goren is certainly one of the most significant figures
in defining the modern State of Israel for better and for worse. A decorated
paratrooper in the War of Independence he was known for his dedication to collecting
of the bodies and giving proper burial to soldiers whose remains had been left
in the field. He was made General and the first Chief Rabbi of the Israeli Army
defining the army and giving it the vision of a Army that is governed by Torah
laws. In his position he established that the army should have Kosher and was a
strong believer in integrating religious and non-religious soldiers together in
order to offer religious and knowledgeable role models to those that did not
have the benefit of that education. Hew rote numerous works on halacha and
Jewish thought outlining is Messianic fulfillment vision of the State of
Israel.

In 1967 he fought in the 6 Day war and
is most famous for the pictures of him conquering the Kotel and the Temple
Mount and blowing Shofar. Although, it was not on the military agenda of the
army (shockingly enough), he insisted that they go for it as “it is better to
sit in prison and know tha Jerusalem and the temple Mount are liberated than to
be liberated and know that Jerusalem and The Temple Mount remained imprisoned.
He is also know for singlehandedly conquering the city of Hebron, having
arrived there mistakenly before the army had where he received the surrender of
the city and the Cave of our Patriarchs and Matriarchs.

He served from 1972-1982 as the Chief
Ashkenazi Rabbi of Israel (opposite Rav Ovadia Yosef). His term though was full
of controversy as he took many positions that alienated him from the Hariedi
world particularly in the famous Langer Brother and Sister case, where her
permitted two children that were born to a woman who had been previously
married and divorced without a Get thus renedering them Mamzeirim to be
permissible to marry by invalidating the conversion of the first husband. This
ruling was against the common ruling of
Ovadia Yosef and many of the Halachic leaders of his time. In addition
he was known to be outspoken in regards to the right and obligation for Jews to
go up to the Temple Mount he even held services there on Yom Kippur. These
rulings distanced the Hariedi world from the Chief Rabbinate and from that time
on they would make sure that the chief Rabbis would only be one that would “tow
the party line”.

After his retirement from the Chief
Rabbinate as well he continued to be outspoken in regards to the Oslo agreements which he opposed claiming
that the greatest tragedy is that it is Israel that is giving the non-entity
deceptive non-nation called Palestine any legitimacy by engaging with them. He
urged Soldiers to disobey their officers if it they were ordered to expel
settlers from their homes. And called for the death of Yasser Arafat and the
enemies of Israel. He wrote 10’s of books on Jewish thought on the laws of
Israel and response for soldiers and the army. His work on the Structure of the
Temple and the Temple mount are classics as well as his insights into the
Jerusalem Talmud. He passed away the 24th of Cheshvan in Tel Aviv
and is buried on Mount of Olives. Yihe Zichro Baruch..

RABBI
SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

(New exam this week these questions are from the
most recent tour guide exam-let’s see how I do)

answer below at end of Email

Sources of
water for the State of Israel include

A.Mountain
and Shoreline aquifers

B.Desalinization
of sea water and purification of sewage water

C.The
Kinneret and local wells

D.All
of the above

RABBI
SCHWARTZ'S COOL RASHI OF THE WEEK

Eliezer the faithful servant of Avraham is
sent to find a spouse for Yitzchak in this weeks Parsha. Avraham has one
request that Eliezer not take him a wife from the Cananite daughters and only
from his own family. Eliezer however asks Ulai Lo Soaveh HaIsha Lalachet
Achari El Ha’Aretz Hazot- Perhaps the girl will not wish to return with me
to this land. Avraham then responds that he should marry Yitzchak instead to
the daughters of the local people (Aner Eshkol-Rashi suggests). What’s
interesting is that Eliezer repeats this entire conversation to Lavan when he
comes to convince him to marry off Rivka to Yitzchak. There however the world Ulai-Perhaps
is spelled without the Vav and Rashi notes that it could be read Eilai
which means to me. Rashi thus explains

‘Eliezer had a daughter that he wished would
marry Yitzchak and tried to find an excuse that he would marry him. Avraham
however said my son is blessed and you come from a cursed lineage (Eliezer was
a descendant of Cham the son of Noah, who was cursed) and a cursed one cannot
cleave to a blessed one.”

The commentaries note that Rashi is not merely
quoting a Midrash nor is he even interpreting the missing letter. As Rashi’s
style as we noted is to explain the simple understanding of the text. There are
two words for maybe there is Pen-which mean lest as in Shema we say Hishamer
Lachem Pen Yifteh Livavchem- Be careful lest your hearts turn astray that
is when one does not want the results. Then there is Ulai- maybe which is when
wants the result. Like the word Halevai-If only. Here Eliezer uses the
word Ulai- thus Rashi notes he must have wanted that she not return with him.
Thus Rashi explains that the reason for this is because he had a daughter of
his own.

See a short a little Rashi and an incredible
lesson in the nuances of Hebrew Grammar. Amazing!

RABBI
SCHWARTZ'S COOL HISTORICAL EVENT THAT HAPPENED ON THIS DATE IN ISRAEL OF THE
WEEK-

Operation Moses – The establishment of the
State of Israel was in part meant to serve the function of a national homeland and
refuge for Jews from anywhere on the globe. In the early years of the State
refugees came from Yemen and Syria and many immigrants from Europe and Russia. In
the late 70’s and early 80’s close to 7000 Jews were smuggled out of Ethiopia
to Sudan and brought to Israel. 4000 more however died in terrible conditions
in the refugee camps and Red Cross hospitals there. Recognizing the danger in
the Jews remaining there Operation Moses was initiated on this date in 1984
bringing close to 7000 Jews to Israel in a mere 2 months’ time.

The Operation carried out as a joint effort
between the Mossad, the CIA and the Sudanese secret Service (in exchange for
money) ended when word was leaked to the media by then Shimon Peres, upon which
the Sudanese Government called it quits fearing retaliation from their arab
neighbors. The next wave of Ethiopian Olim came with Operation Sheba a few
years later when then vice president and former CIA head George H Bush flew to
Sudan personally to overlook the airlift of 800 remaining Falasha Ethiopian
Jews. The next wave took place in the early 90’s when there was a regime change
in Ethiopia and 14,0000 additional Falashas were brought in Operation Solomon.

It has taken less than 40 years of wandering in
the desert to bring these fellow Jews home. Now we’re just waiting for the rest
of our brothers to return as well.

******************

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S JOKES OF THE WEEK

The problem with
Translation…

The following quotes
were taken from actual medical records from Israeli hospitals...

Between
you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

She
is numb from her toes down.

By
the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped and he was feeling
better.

Patient
has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

On
the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely
disappeared.

The
patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

Patient
was released to outpatient department without dressing.

I
have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing and then, when he
stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.

The
patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
depressed.

Discharge
status: Alive but without permission.

The
patient refused an autopsy.

The
patient has no past history of suicides.

Patient
has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

The
patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only
a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

She
slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in
early December.

The
patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

The
patient was in his usual state of good health until his aeroplane ran out
of gas and crashed.

When
she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

*****************

A
Tel Aviv college professor of IT knew that ships are addressed as
"she" and "her." But what gender, he thought, should
computers be addressed? So he decided to ask his class.
He set up two groups of computer experts, one comprised of women and the other
of men. Each group was asked to recommend whether computers should be referred
to in the feminine or masculine gender and give 4 reasons for the choice.
The women said that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender.

In order to get their
attention, you have to turn them on.

Although they have a lot of
data, they are still clueless.

They are supposed to help solve
problems but most of the time they are the problem.

As soon as you commit to one,
you realise that had you had waited a little longer, you could have had a
better model.

The
men, on the other hand, said that computers should be referred to in the
feminine gender.

No one but God understands
their internal logic.

The native language they use to
communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

Even smallest mistakes are
stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

As soon as you commit to one,
you start spending money on accessories for it.

*******************

Gary
was having a good time in Tel Aviv and was invited to a party. Unfortunately,
during the evening, he lost his wallet. So Gary, not being of the shy kind,
stood on a chair and shouted,
“Excuse me ladies and gentlemen, I’ve just lost my wallet with over £500 in
cash in it. To the person that finds my wallet, I will give £50.”
A voice from the back of the hall shouted, “I will give £75.”

**********************************

Answer is D-This is an
easy giveaway question. Israel is the leading country in alternative water
sources. Two years ago was the smallest rainfall in Israels history and as
opposed to years ago when there were all types of warnings and limitations on
water usage, we were fine. The only ones that felt

the
rain shortage were tour guides who scraped their backside on the floor of the
Jordan river all summer long rafting down the Jordan River. I know you are
probably queasy about the sewage purification. But don’t worry although the
water comes out after the process, which consists of parasites eating up all
the gunk, is fully drinking water quality. It is used for agriculture only. So
you can drink gesundheit.

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About Me

Hi, thanks for popping in. I am a recent Oleh. My wife Aliza and children Shani, Yonah, Rivkah, Elka and Tully recently moved to Karmiel Israel from Seattle Washington where we used to have a little Shul in our home the West Seattle TLC (Torah Learning Center). I have been involved in Jewish educational outreach for over 15 years. Originally a Detroiter, we have been lucky enough to live in Midwood New York, Des Moines Iowa, Norfolk Virginia and Seattle. I'm just a down to earth guy who would rather talk in the front of the shul than the back so i became a Rabbi where that becomes your job. I love Jews,Stories, Israel, and chulent. Recently we opened up the Young Israel of Karmiel and look forward to greeting the many North American and Anglo Olim who will join us here in the beautiful Galil.
Please comment away I thrive on your input. Thanks!

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