Alex Salmond’s credibility to be demolished as part of games opening ceremony

The credibility of Scotland’s First Minister Alex Salmond is set to be demolished as part of a thrilling finale to the Commonwealth Games opening ceremony it has been revealed. Games organisers have confirmed that Salmond’s credibility which has been in steady decline for several years now will finally be demolished in what they hope will be a spectacular end to the ceremony.
It is understood that the demotion will be shown on 100m screens within Celtic Park and broadcast to a large viewing public across the world. Messages will run across the screen including ‘What about our currency Alex?’ and ‘We’ll be screwed when the oil runs out!’ set against a backdrop of images showing Scotland drifting off into the north Atlantic. However, some concerns have been raised about a potential threat to public safety following the demolition; these have been dismissed by Glasgow City Council Leader Gordon Matheson who said ‘Salmond’s credibility is so small now that there shouldn’t be a significant fall-out when it is demolished; we shouldn’t even need hard hats’.