-”He’s the kind of person who always knows what box to fill in on the census.”-”She’s just… never really thought about her name.”-”His queer community center is society, if you know what I mean.”-”She, um… still shops in the same parts of the department store.”-”He… you know… he’s the type who might dye his hair brown?”-”How to put this… She can enjoy a Seth McFarlane joke.”

I’m so so bored of predictable, tame uninspiring Oscars hosts. Who are we gonna get next year? Another turn for Ellen, Billy Crystal, Whoopi? Yawny McYawnington. Why have one host when you could have ALL OF THE MUPPETS?

Do I even gots to ‘splain to you why this is a good idea, ok?

MUSICAL NUMBERS

CELEBRITY CAMEOS

STATLER & WALDORF SITTING IN THE AUDIENCE TAKING THE PISS OUT OF EVERYTHING

MISS. PIGGY.

EVERYTHING GOING WRONG BACKSTAGE

And before you say that it would’t be possible The Muppets have peformed live shows before.

They’re the perfect halfway house between something 'edgy’ like Seth McFarlane and something as beige as Billy Crystal. Nostalgic, hilarious and fun. There’s already a facebook page for it which started when Eddie Murphy quit as host in 2012 that has about 30k likes - https://www.facebook.com/MuppetOscars

Like, a joke can be shitty and offensive, or just bomb, but Seth McFarlane’s shitty jokes go beyond that. It’s this sort of next-level terrible that just never ends, like he knows he isn’t funny so he keeps making his bad joke longer and longer until it’s a death march of anti-comedy.

Like, look at this shit. “The princess touched the frog’s dick” would be bad and unfunny, but the joke continues like a full minute longer than it should, growing and swelling like a joy-obliterating zit until you wish you were dead.

The dude seriously deserves a medal for being this profoundly unamusing.