Welp, Dr Pepper’s Chinese Democracy free can promotion was a goddamn clusterfuck. Drpepper.com did not have enough bandwidth to handle the thousands of thirsty Americans who attempted to log on all day Sunday. Even after they extended the promotion to 6 p.m. Monday, I still heard complaints from people saying they couldn’t get past a loading screen.

Now, I did say I’d sue Dr Pepper should this promotion not work out as intended, but that was just a joke. I’m not a very litigious person. Alan Gutman, on the other hand, is a very litigious person, which isn’t surprising considering the fact he’s a lawyer. Although Alan isn’t suing mad yet, he has been worked up enough to fire off an angry letter to the good Doctor demanding an extended redemption period for those who failed to claim their free soda over the weekend plus full-page apologies from Dr P in no less than four major newspapers.

Did I mention the fact that Alan Gutman represents W. Axl Rose and Guns n’ Roses? ‘Cause he does. I’m not sure what that suggests exactly, but it does make me wonder where homeboy is coming from with his defrauding the public claims. Has Axl been directly affected by this sody-pop gaffe?

At any rate, I too was unable to obtain my pro bono can Sunday. I remain optimistic, though. I believe Dr Pepper to be an upstanding, reputable company. I believe they will hear the cries of the dissatisfied soda drinkers across the country and right this awful wrong. Even if they don’t, it really doesn’t make that much of a difference to me personally—a Dr P rep at the Chi Dem listening party I attended last week handed out coupons for free 12 packs. So in theory, I’ll have THIRTEEN extra cans of Dr Pepper in my refrigerator this year, all thanks to Axl Rose. Huzzah.

Still, Dr Pepper should have seen this web crash coming and prepared for it. It’ll be interesting to see how they handle what could be a mountain of negative PR.

Who Am JG2?

CHEAP BOOK I WROTE!

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