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Thursday, August 1, 2013

Hysteria...

Each time I feel compressed and stressed I find a place to go. I could stay in bed but my mind says go. You might not know that I am a trained Yogi and I could have told my head to stay but my body said go. I went on a hike while my stomach was empty on a hot July. A tribe of five embarked on this 4 mile hike. A walk which would separate the fit and the strongest. The unwilling and the weak. I knew it would be an adventure. My kids ages are : 21, 13 and 3.

Instead of learning about them I learned about myself.

I am in chaos and self-doubts. I feel too strongly and I am changing rapidly. I am sad and I am happy. I am in a hurry and I am relaxed.I used to be full like the Supermoon. I no longer move along with the cycles of the moon. My uterus must be wandering and this is what they used to call... Hysteria.

Doe

In nine days, I turn forty one. Noticed I decided to spell it out... no shortcuts. I've begun to feel this urgency within every pore of my being. Every cell that makes up this body of mine feels the need to create and go places I have never been. Some might say I have began to feel mortality. You are right. But I began to feel it three winters ago. This? This is a quiet sense of knowing that I can't turn back time. I now feel as if all my previous experiences have integrated within. Swinging my body and dancing along the spiraling cycles of the earth. Stillness. A calm and very steady power.

I will be heading to the mountains where I have decided to shout into all four directions. Hopefully the mountains will echo sounds that will heal my soul. Because truth is I have received the opportunity to become free of society’s untruths about woman and aging. I knew my rebellious spirit would help along the way. I now will walk more attuned with nature and with myself and have begun a new gestation period. I have lost the sense of outer connection and now it has been contained within. My inner fire burns brighter than ever and I am ready to create and transform.

So you're turning thirty eleven - awesome!! Or is it twenty-twenty one? So young. As long as you are living life to the fullest, it is all just numbers. I know eighty year olds who are young, vibrant, full of life and power, and I know thirty five year olds who are OLD, ready for rocking chairs on the front porch of a nursing home. Vive ut vivas!! Amazing pictures, by the way.