6 super easy and creative ways women can initiate sex

Taking control and asking for what you want is The Best.

By
Alix Fox

Jun 6, 2017

NBC / Warner Bros.

If you're in a heterosexual relationship, it's a tale as old as time that it's the dudes who always want to get their end away and women just lie back and take it to please them. We're calling BS on that. Regardless of your sexual preference, being horny and wanting to bump uglies is the most natural thing in the world. For some reason though, many of us still feel a bit under-confident when it comes to putting ourselves (and our vaginas) out there.

Durex's sex and relationships expert Alix Fox shares her advice for women who want to initiate sex with dignity, creativity and confidence.

1. Try the 'Open Sex-a-me' trick

Leave the door wide open while you’re naked and lathering yourself in the shower, moisturising yourself with scented body oil in front of the mirror, or taking your sweet-ass time getting dressed in the bedroom (i.e. fannying about looking knockout in your undies). When your partner just happens to stroll past and clock you, invite them to join you in the soap suds/slippery massage.

Stick the stereo on and turn up the volume if you need a lure to get them to come and investigate what’s going on in your room of choice. They’ll come to see what all the noise is about… and soon find out.

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2. Use WhatsApp to make them wanna WhatsFap

Sending your partner a text describing exactly what you want them to do with you when you next see them is a classic (and often very effective) come-on. To switch up your sexts and get even more enticingly creative, use the mic function on WhatsApp to send a sound clip.

You could record the noise of you splish-splashing in the bath, followed by a saucy snap of you in the tub, and a request for them to hurry home before the water gets cold.

Ping over a recording of the hum of a vibrator, ask them to guess what they’re hearing, and reward them with details of what you’re doing with it when they answer correctly.

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Or record yourself reading from an erotic book, or a series of subtle masturbation sounds followed by an orgasmic gasp.

If you’re into kink and S&M play, send the sharp slapping sound of your palm spanking your buttock, followed by a photo of your arse with a Post-It note stuck to it, reading ‘PROPERTY OF [PARTNER’S NAME HERE]’.

3. Turn your cookie jar into a nookie jar (sorrynotsorry)

This one’s pretty silly, but (if your partner’s a guy) it’s also rather subversive, hijacking mainstream ideas about gender roles and ‘big strong men’ and using them to perform the feminist, empowering act of being a woman unabashedly asking for the sex she wants.

Call your lover over to help you undo the ‘stuck’ lid of a jar or tin… inside of which you’ve hidden a sexy product you want to try, like a vial of Intense Orgasmic Gel, which produces pleasurable waves of cooling, tingling or warming sensations when applied to the clitoris. Your amore will likely laugh and suss your ruse, but you’ve also just successfully delivered something you want to play with straight into their hands. Tell them that next you need their help in bed – and take it from there.

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4. Establish a ‘chafe word’

Whilst a ‘safe word’ is something you say when you want all sexual play to stop, a ‘chafe word’ is a secret phrase you and your partner can utter to each other in public to surreptitiously make it known that you’re in the mood to hump until you’re sore.

An innocent-sounding line like ‘Love, can you help me with the ‘parking permits’ later?’ is a perfect way to subtly refer to adult topics in front of children and family, or to unexpectedly perk up a mundane trip to the supermarket… The juxtaposition between how dull it sounds versus the exciting shared meaning it holds for the pair of you is entertaining, too.

5. Let the condom start the conversation

Recently, Durex surveyed 16-25 year olds about their attitudes to sex, safety and confidence. 50% said that responsibility for taking care of birth control should be equally shared by both partners in a heterosexual relationship. Disappointingly, when it came to the specifics, nearly 36% said they believed it was primarily a guy’s job to carry condoms.

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Yet if both sexes carry condoms and learn how to use them properly, it helps make relationships feel more balanced. Try using a condom as a come-on: whip one out of your pocket and slip it into his while making eye contact; leave one by his toothbrush as a signal before bed; get him to close his eyes and hold out his hand ready for a ‘surprise’ and pop one into his palm. Rubberly jubbly!

6. Move from "what are you doing?' to "do me, now!"

Cameryn Moore runs ‘Intimacy Improv’ workshops to encourage individuals to become more imaginative and expressive in the ways they talk and play in bed.

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One of her top recommendations to help couples start seductive conversations – which may well lead to erotic action – is a game where one lover approaches the other and asks what they are doing. However pedestrian their answer, whether it’s "printing out spreadsheets" or "vacuuming the floor", the object is to turn it into a saucy scenario by getting some playful back-and-forth flirtation going.

If interrupting their task won’t cause problems, this can be a great way of being spontaneous. You’re not just marching up and demanding they bang you; you’re starting a frisky chat to warm them up and get them in the mood.

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