working mothers

Is it wrong for a Christian woman to desire to have children without having to marry first? In other words, can a Christian woman simply adopt children and form a family without a husband? What if a Christian woman wants a husband and children but she wants them much later in life so she can pursue educational and career interests?

The questions above are a summary of questions I recently received from a young woman named Jill who is a college student. Jill, like many young women in recent decades, would like to put off having children longer and even when she does she wonders if she needs to have a husband to have children. But before I get to Jill’s email we need to talk about the unsettling fact that there are more and more women like Jill who are choosing to wait much longer to have children and if they have children at all they have fewer children than women of previous generations.

Women Are Marrying and Having Children Much Later In Life

Ellie Kincaid wrote an article for BusinessInsider.com entitled “Why having kids later is a really big deal“. In this article she made the following conclusions based on CDC study that showed women having children much later in life:

“The average age of first-time mothers is increasing because more women are waiting until their 30s and 40s to start having kids and fewer women are having their first kids in their teens and 20s, the CDC report says.

The majority of all births are still to women under 35 (about 85% of the total), but rates for all births, not just of a first child, to women over 35 have been rising over the past 20 years, while birth rates for younger women are stable or declining…

Data from the World Bank show the seven countries where the average age of women giving birth to their first child is above 30 (Greece, Australia, South Korea, Japan, Italy, Switzerland, and Luxembourg, according to the CIA World Factbook) all have general fertility rates below what’s called the replacement rate. That means the generation currently having kids isn’t having enough to replace itself. Countries with low fertility rates have populations that are aging and set to shrink, meaning fewer people of working age have to support more older dependents.”

Let me summarize what this article above just said. If the world continues down the path of westernization with women becoming more focused on their education and careers than on having children it won’t just be a few countries where the population is shrinking. Instead it will be the world population that begins to shrink.

Each generation will be smaller than the one that preceded it. To say this will cause problems for governments and economies is a vast understatement. And the world population will continue to decline unless this trend of women being more education and career oriented is stopped.

A United Nations Report entitled “World Population in 2300” states that if the rest of the world follows western countries in having less children than the replacement level needed the world population will drop to 2.3 billion by the year 2300. To put that in perspective, today the world has 7.6 billion people so that means the world population will drop by 70 percent over the next three centuries.

So as we can see Jill is not in the minority of western women with her thoughts about having a career and having children later in life. She is in the majority of women who are choosing to put off having children to a much later age than women of the past and there are very real consequences for this decision by the women of this generation.

With all that said as introduction we will now dive into Jill’s email to me.

Jill’s Questions

“I am a Christian female university student in my mid-20s. I am currently in a Bible college. I want to pursue a Master’s, and I want to be in charge of a library. I have a question. Is this considered “authority?” If I am in charge of a library used by men and women, and in charge of hiring men and women, is this wrong?

I am unmarried. I do not want to get married. I just am not interested in it. 1 Corinthians 7 says that it is okay, and even good, to stay unmarried. I often have asexual feelings and I just do not care for marriage.

I want to have children, much later in life. I know a godly woman who never married, though she wanted to. She adopted a girl who had little chance of ever being adopted by a two-parent family. The result has been beautiful. I have prayed about this, and I still am praying. I desire something similar in my life, if it is God’s plan.

If I ever have children, I will work in a school or other similar setting so that I am home when my child/children is home, and away when they are away during school hours. I will even work from home if I have to. I want to have a child or two, I want a dog, I want to direct a library and if I do not do that then I would like to teach at a Christian school or work in ministry. I want to be a kind boss. I want to show God’s love everywhere I go. I want to help people

If I ever get married, I feel led for it to be an equal-but-different partnership. I pray about these things. I feel led by God in this direction, at least for now.

I would like to hear your thoughts. Please comment on each of these paragraphs and tell me what you think. “

Now as Jill requested I will answer each of her statements.

Should Women Be in Jobs Which Place Them Over Men?

Jill ‘s Statement:

“I am a Christian female university student in my mid-20s. I am currently in a Bible college. I want to pursue a Master’s, and I want to be in charge of a library. I have a question. Is this considered “authority?” If I am in charge of a library used by men and women, and in charge of hiring men and women, is this wrong?”

Yes someone who hires people is an authority. If you are hiring men, then you are any authority over men.

The Scriptures tell us that man is to be the head of woman and this is not restricted to just the Church and the Home and would also extend to society in general:

“But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.“

1 Corinthians 11:3 (KJV)

In our modern culture we don’t want to admit it but we know it is unnatural for a woman to be in authority over a man. Think male secretary to a female a boss. This is because God designed for man to be over woman in all things.

In the Old Testament we are told that women ruling over men is just as shameful as it would be for children to oppress men:

“As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths.“

Isaiah 3:12 (KJV)

Even the heroine of modern day Christian feminists, Deborah, said this when the cowardly men of Israel insisted that she go into battle with them:

“8 And Barak said unto her, If thou wilt go with me, then I will go: but if thou wilt not go with me, then I will not go.

9 And she said, I will surely go with thee: notwithstanding the journey that thou takest shall not be for thine honour; for the Lord shall sell Sisera into the hand of a woman. And Deborah arose, and went with Barak to Kedesh.”

Judges 4:8-9 (KJV)

We know that Deborah was refering to Jael, the wife of Heber, who eventually killed Sisera. But Deborah talked about the honor being removed from Barak and these other cowardly men for insisting a woman go into battle with them. There was no praise for these men in what they did.

So the second part of the answer to your question is – you as a woman should not seek authority over men. Now sometimes because of this sinful world we live in women are sometimes placed over men – but Christian women should not seek this out.

Is Celibacy Right Before God?

Jill’s Statement:

“I am unmarried. I do not want to get married. I just am not interested in it. 1 Corinthians 7 says that it is okay, and even good, to stay unmarried. I often have asexual feelings and I just do not care for marriage.”

It is true that Paul calls celibacy “good” in I Corinthians 7 and he honors celibacy in service to God:

“26 I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress, I say, that it is good for a man so to be…

32 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: 33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.

34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

35And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.”

I Corinthians 7:26 & 32-35 (KJV)

Celibacy is an exception that God makes to his first command to mankind in Genesis 1:28 to “be fruitful and multiply”(to marry, have sex and have children). God’s normative design was for man to image him by being a husband to a wife and father to children and going out in the world about his work. He created woman to help man to fulfill his mission to image God by her dependence upon her husband for his leadership, provision and protection and by her serving him and submitting to him. In this way the husband and wife relationship pictures the relation of God to his people with man modeling God and woman modeling the people of God.

Celibacy should only be sought after either because a person has NO desire for a spouse and NO desire for children or their zeal and dedication to serve God is so strong that it makes any thought they would have of having a family seem like nothing. This kind of person wants to dedicate their life in a undivided way in service to God. Now that does not mean celibate women have to be nuns. They could be missionary nurses or doctors, they could be school teachers or a host other occupations in undivided service to God.

So yes, celibacy is a good thing and it is even called a gift in the Bible. But it is only a good thing if it is pursued for the right reasons and not in order for someone to fulfill their own selfish ambitions or for someone to escape gender roles that God has assigned to marriage.

Can a Christian Woman Have Children Without a Husband?

Jill’s Statement:

“I want to have children, much later in life. I know a godly woman who never married, though she wanted to. She adopted a girl who had little chance of ever being adopted by a two-parent family. The result has been beautiful. I have prayed about this, and I still am praying. I desire something similar in my life, if it is God’s plan.”

Many Christian women have had children without a husband over the centuries. But it is important to understand how they came to be the mother of children without a husband.

Some women were raped and then gave birth to their rapist’s child and they had to raise this child on their own. Some women did have a husband, but perhaps they became pregnant and then he died. Other single women have faced situations where they had no choice but to take orphaned or needy children in who had not place to go. God honors all these situations where these women courageously raised these children on their own.

But these women did not purposefully seek to have children without first being married to a husband. These situations were thrust upon them by God.

But for you to purposefully seek out having children (even through adoption) without first having a husband is a violation of God’s design for how we are to go about having children.

The Bible tells us God’s design for when women should have children:

14 I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.

1 Timothy 5:14 (KJV)

God’s design for women having children is simple and straight forward. First a woman marries a man. Then she joins with her husband to fulfill God’s command to be fruitful and multiply by freely and regularly giving her body to her husband in the marriage bed. Then she has children as a result of her obedience to give herself to her husband. She cares for the needs of her husband and children. She also takes care of the affairs of the home after marriage. This is God’s order, this is God’s design.

Jill, you are making up your own design for the family by even entertaining the thought of trying to have children without first being married. And yes God will sometimes still bless us in spite of the fact that we went about something the wrong way, but that does not make it right for us to do.

Can A Woman Work While the Kids Are School?

Jill’s Statement:

“If I ever have children, I will work in a school or other similar setting so that I am home when my child/children is home, and away when they are away during school hours. I will even work from home if I have to. I want to have a child or two, I want a dog, I want to direct a library and if I do not do that then I would like to teach at a Christian school or work in ministry. I want to be a kind boss. I want to show God’s love everywhere I go. I want to help people”

It is admirable that if you had children you would want to make sure you were home when they are home. But being a wife and mother is about so much more than just being home when your children or husband are home. It is about caring for the home while they are gone, taking care of their clothing needs, the house needs and preparing food so that when your husband and children come home everything is done and in order. If you try and work while they are out and get home just before they do then you will have to do all these things in the evening and you will have little time or energy for your family.

A lot of women who aspire to have careers do not consider these things. The greatest lie of feminism is “you can have it all”. No you can’t. You must make a choice. Will you fully dedicate your life and time to your family and the help-meet position God made you for or will you try and dedicate half your time to your own desires and give your family what is left?

You desire to help people is wonderful. And I think working in a Christian school or other Christian ministry in a full time capacity would be a wonderful thing for you to do. But you have to make a choice. You can help people by dedicating your life in celibacy in service to God in a Christian school or other Christian ministry giving up having children and a husband OR you can choose to help your husband and your children by caring for their needs and the needs of your home. You must be 100 percent dedicated to one or the other – if you try and do half and half you fail at one.

Is Marriage an “equal-but-different partnership”?

Jill’s Statement:

“If I ever get married, I feel led for it to be an equal-but-different partnership. I pray about these things. I feel led by God in this direction, at least for now.”

The Bible tells us we cannot live by how we feel, but by instead by what the Word of God says despite our feelings. The Bible tells us this about trusting our feelings:

“26 He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool: but whoso walketh wisely, he shall be delivered.“

Proverbs 28:26 (KJV)

It is foolish for us to follow our feelings, but rather we must trust in the Lord with all our heart and allow his Word, and not our feelings, to direct our path.

“5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

Proverbs 3:5-6 (KJV)

Also in regard to feelings – we can with the Lord’s help over time change our feelings and direct them as he would have us to. That means that we can as we surrender to God’s will for our lives come to love what he loves and hate what he hates. We can feel good about what he wants us to feel good about even if we did not feel good about it before.

So this brings us to the next question. Does the Bible teach marriage as a “equal-but-different partnership”?

“23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”

Ephesians 5:23-24 (KJV)

The passage above from Ephesians tell you as a young woman why God created you. He created you to play a part in painting the beautiful picture of the relationship of God to his people. In this model, you play the part of the Church who submits to Christ in everything. Your service to your husband, who represents Christ in this model, is your service to God. The only exception to this design is celibacy in service to God – but only if you are truly called to it for unselfish reasons.

“1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear…

6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.

7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”

I Peter 3:1-2 & 5-7 (KJV)

While women and wives are joint heirs with their husbands of the grace of life, the Bible never calls husbands and wives equal partners – it fact it never calls them partners (despite the NIV changing the translations to “partner”).

Women are called to submit to their husbands as the church submits to Christ. Are the Christ and Church equal partners or is one the subordinate to the other?

And God did not just flip a coin and put man in charge of woman. He made woman for man as the Scriptures tell us in I Corinthians 11:9 “Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.” Woman submitting to and serving man is a beautiful picture of mankind submitting to and serving God. And the man lovingly leading, providing for, teaching and protecting his wife is a beautiful picture of God doing all these things for his people.

Conclusion

As I close let me just point out something based on this statement you made “I want to have children, much later in life.” Let’s be honest – why would you want to have children much later in life? The honest answer is because your love for education and your career ambitions to be a librarian are more important to you than having children, yet you desire children. But you desire children outside of God’s designed path which is marriage. This is by definition a selfish ambition. Anytime we desire things that outside God’s design for us that is a selfish desire.

When a woman desires to have children without a husband that is just as selfish as a man who desires to have sex with a woman without having to marrying her. Both the desire for children and the desire for sex are God given desires, but when we seek to go about to fulfill those desires in a way which violates God’s design we sin against God in doing so.

So Jill– you have a choice to make. If you feel you cannot fulfill the role God designed women in general to fulfill – to be subordinate helpers to men to help them paint the picture of God and his people – then you can exercise the celibacy option in service to him. But you cannot take half measures and actively seek to have children and make a family the way you want it, instead of the way God designed family to be.

Even if you decide you will follow God’s design for having children and marry a husband first if you do as you have stated and “have children, much later in life” this could still be selfish ambition on your part.

It is one thing if you are vigorously as young woman pursing a husband and family and during that time you are working to support yourself. There is no sin in this. But God knows your heart. If in your heart you know that you are purposefully delaying finding a husband and having a family so that you can pursue educational and career interests and then later you will do the “family thing” that is utter selfishness before God. That is NOT why God created you. He created you for man, he created you marriage and the only exception to that is true dedicated celibacy in service to him.

The Bible often compares the Christian life to an Olympic race. In fact many of the Greek terms that Paul uses in talking about our Christian life as a race refer to the Greek Olympics (words like stadium, athlete and gym all are used by Paul).

Just like we separate our Olympic events by gender, God also has separate races for each gender to run and different rules depending on gender. The Bible also says we must compete (live our lives) according to God’s rules. If we compete but cheat or deviate from the rules we will not receive the rewards for running the race:

“Also if anyone competes as an athlete, he does not win the prize unless he competes according to the rules.” – II Timothy 2:5 (NASB)

A Tale of Two Runners

So now imagine this if you will. There are two races with different obstacles to overcome, but they use the same course. On that course you would see male and female signs on different obstacles. This is a timed event it is run by one person at a time.

So a man runs the course and as he comes to each obstacle if it is marked “male” he overcomes the obstacle, if it is marked “female” he goes around it and continues with the race till he finally finishes the race where the judge awards him with his prize.

Now a woman comes to the same course. She has decided before she ran this race that she will run the male obstacles instead of the female obstacles. She has decided she does not like the female obstacles and prefers the male obstacles.

So she runs the race just as good as that man who ran just before her. Every time she comes to a male obstacle she overcomes it but then she skips the female obstacles as the man did. In fact she matches his time as she runs toward the finish line. She crosses over feeling triumphant and she turns to the judge to receive her prize as the man before her did but he tells her she has failed the race.

“But I did everything the man who ran before me did and I even did it in the same time!” the woman says.

The judge replies “But you are not a man, you are a woman. You did not meet the challenges that were assigned to you as a woman, but instead chose to do the male obstacles that were not assigned to you. All your hard work was a waste because you did not overcome the obstacles that were assigned to you”

Over the last century feminism has taught women “you can have it all”. You can have a career, a husband and kids. You can balance your career and your obligations to your family in the same way men do. In fact you and your husband can just split the responsibilities of caring for the kids and your home.

But this is lie.

God never meant for women to have to balance a career and family obligations as men are meant to do. A woman’s complete focus was meant to be on serving the needs of her husband, her children and her home. She would only go outside her home to the extent that it did not affect her performing her duties to her home.

But because we live in a sin cursed world sometimes a woman has no choice but to work to support herself and her family and do what God did not intend for her to have to do and balance work and family obligations. If her husband becomes disabled, abandons her or dies a woman may have no choice but to work. Some women have husbands who in their sinful greed force their wives to work when they should not be.

Another reason a woman may have to pursue a career is because by no fault of her own she has not been able to find a husband and she eventually has to work to support herself.

The push to get women out of the home and into careers

Sadly today many women are actually encouraged and taught from a young age in their schools, homes and even churches that planning to be a stay at home mom is a “waste of their full potential”. My 13 year old daughter recently experienced this in the junior high she is attending.

They had a project to do for class which had them writing out their life goals and a big part of that was what they wanted to do for a career. It was simply assumed that everyone in that class, both the young men and young women should have career ambitions.

The young teens were all comparing what they wanted to be when they grew up and some of the girls said they wanted to be a doctor, or a nurse and one said a scientist. Then it came around to my daughter and she said “stay at home mom”. She told me after she said that you could have heard a pin drop. Then one of her girlfriends asked her “don’t you want more than that?” I was so proud of her response. She said “this is what I believe God wants me to do”.

She told me they were actually offended by that and by her choice to dedicate her life fully to her future husband, her future children and her future home.

But make no mistake – the distain for the Biblical role of a wife (which is what my daughter was espousing) did not happen overnight. It took decades to accomplish.

“In the 1950s, only 19 percent of mothers with small children worked outside the home, said Stephanie Coontz, a historian at The Evergreen State College in Washington and author of “A Strange Stirring: The Feminine Mystique and American Women at the Dawn of the 1960s” (Basic Books, 2011). As of 2008, more than 60 percent of moms with kids under age 6 were in the work force, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

Working moms of older kids are even more common. As of 2008, close to 80 percent of mothers with children between ages 6 and 17 worked outside the home. That is a rise of about 10 percent since 1984.

Attitudes haven’t kept up with reality, however: According to the Pew Research Center, only 16 percent of Americans think a mom who works full time is ideal for young kids. A third favor moms staying at home full time, and 42 percent think part-time work would be ideal.”

The two sources of the cultural shift from stay at home moms to career women

What brought about this change from only 19% of moms with young children working outside the home to it now skyrocketing to 60%? The answer is two words – Feminism and Materialism.

Feminism encouraged women to be selfishly ambitious and some men became greedy and materialistic when they realized by allowing their wives to work they could double their household income. Some women today would much rather stay home and care for their home and children but their greedy husbands force them to work outside the home.

Speaking of husbands – while this post is primarily written toward women – let me just say Biblically speaking a man has no business getting married if he is not ready to provide for his wife. I realize a lot of men today do that, but this breaks the model of marriage God has designed.

“Prepare your work outside and make it ready for yourself in the field; Afterwards, then, build your house.” – Proverbs 24:27 (NASB)

This verse from Proverbs has been widely interpreted to be referring to a young man working and preparing to have a family. Preparation and provision come before having your own household.

Now we will return to women and selfish ambition.

The selfish ambition fueled by feminist propaganda also caused divorce to become common place where it peeked at around 50% in the 1980’s before having a slight decline. But the dirty little secret about why divorce has leveled off is because marriage itself is down. Single parenting and cohabitation rates have sharply risen since the 1980s.

There is nothing wrong with a man or woman being ambitious. But we are selfishly ambitious when we are ambitious for things God never meant us to have. The Proverbs 31 wife is a very ambitious wife, but her entire life’s focus was her husband, her children and her home. Even when she temporarily went outside the home her focus was always turned back toward her home so her husband had no worries in his home. She had everything under control.

Rush Limbaugh is certainly not a very religious man and I don’t endorse everything he says when compared with the Scriptures. But back in 2012 when he was commenting on our cultural shifts and the negative views toward stay home moms he had this to say:

“Instead of having the government, stay-at-home moms have a husband to support them — and you don’t think that irritates some of these leftist women? Remember the early days of feminism…

A relationship, a man were shackles.

That was holding you back. It was denying you your full potential. Being a mother, staying at home? You’re letting the sisterhood down, but you’re letting yourself down, too. It was a full-court press to throw away as many traditions in male-female relationships, both at home and at work, as possible…

See, the women are not supposed to depend on that. It was okay if the government ended up providing for you — that was cool — but not a husband, not a man. You’re supposed to do that yourself. And if you couldn’t do it yourself, then you turn to government programs.”

Many Christian women today have drank the feminist Kool-Aid. Even some good conservative Bible preaching churches have drank the feminist Kool-Aid. I can’t tell you how many Christians I have spoken to that have said our young women must have college degrees and careers and you know what the most common reason was? In case they ever have to support themselves.

We have taught now over decades and are continuing to teach women to be independent of men – to not need a man. My own mother-in-law told me this several years back that she taught her daughters to “never be dependent on a man”. This feminism was ingrained in her daughters and the Lord has had to bring a lot of things into my wife’s life and her sister’s life to get some of this thinking out (sometimes it comes back and rears its ugly head though).

God shows in his Word that the husband/wife relationship is to be a model of the relationship of Christ to his Church. In the same way that the Church looks to Christ for their provision and protection a woman was designed to look to her husband for her provision and protection.

Instead our wicked culture has replaced the husband as the provider with the government as the provider. Truly the only way feminism thrives is in a socialistic system that makes women less dependent on men by having the government provide for their needs or pushing them to provide for their own.

Feminism can only survive in an artificial environment.

Nature opposes feminism. In the absence of a social welfare state feminism would rapidly collapse as women came to see their natural dependence on men for their provision and protection.

How women fail the race God has set before them

The Bible says:

“Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us” – Hebrews 12:1 (KJV)

Young Christian ladies please hear what the Word of God says about the race God has set before you. There are two courses God sets before you and ONLY two courses and you must choose one or the other. The course of marriage or the course of celibacy. If you run the course of celibacy then rules for the female marriage course do not apply.

Rule #6Bear and care for your children if God opens your womb to do so. (Genesis 1:28, I Timothy 5:14)

Rule #7Manage all the domestic affairs of your home (cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping) so your husband has no worries about his home while he is away working. (Titus 2:5, Proverbs 31:10-31)

There is a different race that God has set before you as a woman, then the one he has set before men. You must run the race according to the rules God has set for YOU, not those that he has set for men.

Someone might say “What about loving God and obeying God?” My answer to that is the very foundation for these 7 rules is love for God and obedience to God.

“By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God, and keep his commandments. For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.” – I John 5:2-3 (KJV)

You can’t enter the race unless you register as a runner

This is the Christian woman’s race. You can’t run in the Christian woman’s race unless you first become a Christian. Then your race performance will be judged by how you followed the course rules.

“For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ. Now if any man build upon this foundation gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, stubble;

Every man’s work shall be made manifest: for the day shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by fire; and the fire shall try every man’s work of what sort it is.

If any man’s work abide which he hath built thereupon, he shall receive a reward. If any man’s work shall be burned, he shall suffer loss: but he himself shall be saved; yet so as by fire.” – I Corinthians 3:11-15 (KJV)

At the Bema seat of Christ every Christian will stand and his or her life’s work will be judged.

“For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.” – II Corinthians 5:10 (KJV)

The Bema seat (which is what this in the Greek) was a place of reward after a competition. Our salvation is not a reward for how we run the Christian race, but it is the gift of God.

“For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God” – Ephesians 2:8 (KJV)

However our rewards from God are indeed earned by how we ran the race while we lived her in these bodies. Did we accept the rules of his race or did we make up our own rules as we ran?

But I can follow all those 7 rules and have a career!

Christian women listen to me. You cannot run the race God has set before you as a woman and have the same kind of career a man can. You might be able to work part time and you may be able to work while your kids are in school.

But if you try to have a career in the same way that your husband does you will drop something else.

You cannot be in be in two places at once.

Either you will be gone from home 50 hours a week or more chasing a career or you will be home.

When you have those young infants and small children – either you will be caring for them or someone else will be while you are gone 50 hours a week.

If you are working and gone 50 hours a week pursuing your career you will not have the same energy to give or focus that is needed toward you husband, your children and your home. Something will slip and what will slip is what is supposed to be the primary focus of your life.

Don’t believe the lie

Don’t be like Eve who was deceived by the serpents lie.

“Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?” – Genesis 3:1 (KJV)

The Devil told Eve she should could have it all and she fell for the lie.

Don’t believe the lies of feminism. Believe what God says in his Word.

Run the race that he set before you as a woman, not the race that he set before your husband as a man.

But you can’t survive on one income these days!

While it is true that some women have to work because of economic necessity (no husband or husband is disabled) often times it is because of wants that they work, not needs.

Just look back at the average homes that were built in the 1950’s and earlier and look at the homes that are built now. The home back then were smaller and simpler – kids used bunk beds and crammed into rooms. Now every child has to have their own room.

Families often survived on one car. Now every family must have two cars, and not just two cars but two NEW cars.

We have to go on expensive vacations each year and we have to eat the best foods.

We have forgotten as a society how to live simpler. Feminism and Materialism have grown up together in our country.

But you can choose to live simpler, you can choose to live God’s way. You can choose to sacrifice the vacations or drive two used cars instead of new ones. You can choose to do what is right and run the race that God has set before you.

Ladies – don’t let having a career cost you your reward

Let me be blunt ladies. When God judges what you did with your life – yes your career will matter. But not in the way you think. Your career will matter in how much it detracted from your ability to serve your husband, your children and your home.

When God reviews the tapes on your life and sees that you purposefully planned from the time you were young to have children and ship them off to a day care center six weeks after they were born so you could return to your more “fulfilling” career you will be held to account for this. You will lose the reward for being a wife and mother that you could have had. You will be ashamed.

“Watch yourselves, that you do not lose what we have accomplished, but that you may receive a full reward.” II John 1:8 (NASB)

I was working late tonight watching the rerun of Sean Hannity’s show on Fox News when I heard what he thought would have turned out to be an innocent interview about Hillary Clinton turn into something very different. I grabbed my DVR remote and recorded this golden piece of television history. The interview started out with a discussion about recent reports that Hillary Clinton has paid her female staffers significantly less than her male staffers. Tamara Holder, a regular Fox News contributor who represents left wing feminists, took the position that the reports were false.

Gavin McInnes, the co-founder of Vice Media(and also a regular Fox News guest) stunned Tamara leaving her mouth wide open when he made these statements:

“The big picture here is, women do earn less in America because they choose to,they would rather go to their daughter’s piano recital than stay all night at work, working on a proposal so they end up earning less…They’re less ambitious, and I think this is sort of God’s way, this is nature’s way of saying women should be at home with the kids — they’re happier there.”

Gavin backed up his assertions with a book entitled ““Why Men Earn More” and encouraged Tamara to read it.

Gavin was right – this is “God’s Way”

The Bible states that a woman’s place is in the home, and this was the design of God from the very beginning:

“Teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” – Titus 2:4-5 (KJV)

God is clear, from the Old Testament to the New Testament, that his intention, his design for women, was for them to keep and manage their homes. This is not some drudgery, it is a privilege from God. He has beautifully equipped with women with an eye for fashion so that each woman can beautifully decorate her home, in a way most men would not have a clue.

Who is better at taking care of the kids when they are sick, who is the great empathizer? Mom or Dad?

Who do little children cry out for most of the time – Mom or Dad?

Who did God equip with a natural way of feeding infants? Mom or Dad?

This is not just in the God’s Word, it is common sense, the truth stands before us.

I love one of Gavin’s final remarks to Tamara Holder:

“Look, you’re miserable. You’d be so much happier with kids around you tonight…Feminism has made women miserable. Women were much happier when housewives were glorified.”

The look on her face after he said it was priceless.

All I have to say Gavin is Amen. Amen brother.

I am curious if Sean Hannity will respond to this or not, he looked like he was trying to stay out of it, but this may catch a fire storm in upcoming days and I truly hope it does. We really need to examine what feminism has done to this country and our culture, and this was a great discussion about that.

Women are truly happier, when they live according to the how God designed them, instead of daily trying to fight that design.

I would not hold up Emma Thompson or most Hollywood actress moms as being great models of motherhood. But as they say “even a broken clock is right twice a day”. I do think there are some great moms that work, that do truly try and make the most of every minute away from their jobs with their children.

I would change Emma’s statement as follows and replace “great” with “best”:

“Motherhood is a full-time job.
‘The only way I could have continued working would have been by delegating the running of the home to other people.”

Those two statements don’t need any changes, they are absolutely true as stated.

Emma also talked about taking time off to be with her children:

“I highly recommend others to do the same if they can afford it.”

As I have stated many times on this blog – there are women who are single mothers, or married to disabled husbands, or they simply live in poverty and she must work – there is nothing wrong with a mother working in this case. In this case she truly is being the best mom she can be, because she must work in order to feed and put a roof over her children’s heads.

But let’s be clear about Emma Thompson – she took a year off as “a gift to herself” to play “full time mom”. She will be going back to work. So believe me I am not holding her up as some shining example of full time stay at home moms. But as I said previously, even a broken clock is right twice a day.

So yes you can still be a great mom and work full time, but you cannot be the best mom you could be and give your absolute best to your children and also work full time. You cannot be in two places at once. You will either be with your children full time, or you will be with them 50% of your time. It really is that simple.

Emma Thompson, who recently starred as the Mary Poppins author P.L. Travers in Saving Mr. Banks, took a year-long break from her acting career to spend time with her 14-year-old daughter and recommends other mothers do the same.

“You can’t be a great mum and keep working all the time,” she said in an interview with the Daily Mail published Saturday. “I wanted to spend more time with my family. A year off was my birthday present to myself. I didn’t actually act or write. I was just a mum.”

Thompson said she spent time teaching drama at her daughter’s school and cooking. “I highly recommend others to do the same if they can afford it.”

Luckily for the Love Actually star, she can afford it: Thompson is reportedly worth roughly $50 million, according to Page Six. Not all moms have that luxury, and some even argue that

I am often asked why I don’t believe women should have careers outside the home. Why should men get to have an education and a career and women don’t? It’s not fair right?

The first question we need to ask
There are several ways I could answer these questions from a Biblical perspective, but there is a much simpler question that transcends all religions and cultures that I often ask when I am in a room full of people having this discussion.

I usually look to the men and make it very personal.

Your met your wife while you were both attending college and university. You were both enlightened and after all, a woman deserves to have a college education and career just as much as man right? So you both finish college and both begin your careers.

You are both about 25 years old, a few years out of college when your wife tells you she is pregnant. It is the most exciting news of your life, second only to when she agreed to marry you. As the months pass and the baby grows inside of her the question arises “how long will you take off from work when the baby is born?”

She says “well I can’t take off too long or it might damage my career, so I am thinking I will go back to work 6 weeks after I have the baby”. Now if you are an “enlightened” man, this will not disturb you in the least bit, because after all she is just as entitled to her career as you are to yours right?

What is best for infant children?

Except for men and women who have been in my audiences, most people pause and really give this question some consideration. What is best for the young infant – to be cared for by their mother or by strangers while the mother goes off and pursues her career?

Then when many people in my audience say they are unsure – I tell them there is a reason, a God given reason why they give pause to this scenario. We all know that in most cases (except if a mother is abusive or mentally ill) that it is best for a young infant to be nurtured and raised by their mother.

More often than not, the majority of men will agree a mother should be with her infant child to care for them until they can go to school. Maybe half the women will agree and the other half will not.

The women who disagree with the premise that it is best for children to be raised by their mothers (and not daycare workers) will say studies show daycare kids actually do better in school grade wise. To which I respond that while those studies may or may not be true, other studies show that daycare kids(especially ones who have been in daycare since they were infants) have emotional issues and are often much more aggressive in school.

But for those in my audience who agree that it is best that infant children be raised by their mother, I say then that we need to go back and revisit the career issue. If a woman has an average of 3 children (which is what we need to keep the world population from falling, and keep a modest growth rate) then let’s do the math.

If a woman has a child on average every two years, then that means she will spend six years having children. If she stays home to raise each of those infant children (which I agree is best for the children), then her last child will be of full school kindergarten age approximately 11 years after she had her first child.
If she starts having children when she graduates from college at 22, that would make her 33 years old before she could go to work and start a career.

Now let’s say this woman did the right thing and raised all of her children until they were all in school full time. Here is a mid-30’s woman ready to go and conquer the world. There is no problem now right?

Well let’s consider that children have a lot of school activities that involve parental involvement but Dad can start helping with these right? Maybe he can and maybe he can’t. Dad may have a demanding job that keeps him in the office or factory 50 hours a week and he can’t take off every few weeks for school activities during the day (which many elementary schools have).

If Mom goes to work who will be home when the kids get off their bus from school or will they have to be put into a latch key program? Again we must ask the question – which is better for the children, to have a mother waiting for them at home when they get off the bus or to be put in latch key?

If Mom goes to work and Dad also works a demanding job then who will have the time and energy to help the children will all their school work each night? If Mom is exhausted from work who is going to cook dinner? Mom and Dad can just rotate right?

What is better for the children and for her husband?

When the kids go off to school a stay at home mom has the chance to recharge her batteries. She can plan for meals, she can go shopping to get clothing for her children and her husband. Perhaps she can write for a blog from the comfort of her home. She can volunteer to help with things at her church and she is always available if her children or husband need something because she does not have her resources pulled away by an outside career.

When the kids get home from school mom is there to ask them about their day and help them with their homework. She can prepare nice home cooked meals (instead of takeout all the time because Mom and Dad are both exhausted from work). She can cook meals for sick shut-ins at her church. If it does not take away from her mothering duties, she can eventually run a small business selling things out of her home.

The reality is, until the children are grown to adults and move out what is best for her family and her marriage is for her to remain in the home.

But what about what is best for her?

This is the question many feminists will be shouting throughout this discussion. The answer is that what is best for a woman’s family is also what is best for her.

While studies show that women who work outside the home have less stress, what they don’t often show is who they are surveying.

Yes if you were to survey stay at home moms with infant children and toddlers they will often report stress levels that are far higher than women in their same situation with small children that have them in day care and work.
Of course you are less stressed, you are handing your kids off to strangers for 10 hours a day and you get a break to be with the grownups! Stay at home moms have a monumental and sometimes stressful task when they are raising small children. But it is worth it, and it is what is best. The easy way is not always the right way, and this is true when it comes to raising kids.

But if you were to survey stay at home Moms whose kids are all in school full time, I would wager that they will report less stressful lives than the working Moms at that point. They did the hard work, they changed the diapers, and they held the crying babies for hours on end. They also got enjoy the special moments of hearing their children’s first words, seeing them walk for the first time and all the other special firsts that God has given to Moms if they will only accept his gift. They are now reaping the benefits of their wise decision to stay home and dedicate their lives fully to their marriage and family.

When you have raised an emotionally stable child, that has been grounded in your faith and belief, and when you have a happy marriage because you had no career to distract you from giving all of yourself to your husband, you will see that God’s way is best.

God made woman for man, as a helpmeet. She is beautifully and wonderfully equipped for the task of being a full time wife and mom. But when she goes outside of God’s design, and tries to do things that God did not design her for, she will often times bring pain to not only her husband and children, but also to herself.

Mankind has witnessed almost every type of wicked and sinful behavior imaginable since the beginning of history. But one evil had never before been witnessed in the history of the world until just the last 150 years, and that is the scourge of feminism.

In 1848, the first woman’s rights convention was held at Seneca Falls, New York. One of the most famous statements decreed at this convention was:

“He [the legislative and judicial patriarchy] has so framed the laws of divorce as to what shall be the proper causes, and in the case of separation, to whom the guardianship of the children shall be given as to be wholly regardless of the happiness of women–the law in all cases going upon the false supposition of the supremacy of man, and giving all power into his hands.”

In these early years of feminism some women and men thought they were fighting for simple fairness and justice. Many legitimate questions were raised:

Why should women not have the same rights as men?

Why should women not have a fair distribution of property and joint custody when being divorced?

In later years these questions would also be raised:

Why should women not have the right to vote?

Why should women not be paid the same as men for the same job?

Why should women not be able to lead companies?

What should women not be able to be politicians?

Why should women not be able to be soldiers in the army?

Why should women not have the right to do with their bodies as they will (abortion)?

How we answered the first question is how the scourge of feminism was born

Women should never have been granted the same rights as men, because women have a different role to play in society than men. Men are biologically designed to lead, conquer, provide and protect. Women are built to be soft and gentle, both physically and psychologically, to bring love and comfort to men, to bear their children and raise and care for their children.

The Bible tells us why men are designed bigger and stronger and aggressive, and why they are designed with a natural desire to lead, provide for and protect women. It is because God designed man in his image, in his likeness. Man’s leadership, protection and provision for woman is symbolic of God’s leadership, provision and protection of his people.

Woman on the other hand was designed as a symbol of God’s people. God meant for woman to submit to and serve man in the same way that all of mankind is meant to submit to and serve God. Her physical beauty is given her as a symbol of the beauty of God’s holy people, his church.

When the people of the Seneca Falls Convention questioned “the supremacy of man” over woman in society they were in essence questioning the supremacy of God over man, because the relationship between God and man is symbolized in the relationship between man and woman. Yes there have been female queens and prophets and other leaders earlier in history, but never had the supremacy of man over woman ever been questioned in the way the Seneca Falls Convention questioned it.

The effects of Seneca Falls Convention

Before the Seneca Falls Convention, divorce was almost non-existent in the United States. If a man and woman did divorce, the father would retain full custody of the children and all property, and his wife was lucky to leave with the clothes on her back.

After the Seneca Falls convention, for the first time in the history of mankind, a man’s wife and his children were no longer seen as his property. Over the coming decades women were granted property rights and women started be able to divorce their husbands and also retain custody of their children. While divorce of the 19th century was not as easy as the modern no fault divorce we have now, it was still encouraged by granting women new rights in divorce.

After women were given new rights to children and property in divorce, the divorce rate tripled in the United States, although still being low by today’s divorce rate of about 50%.

After 1848 women began gaining more and more rights until they finally gained the right to vote with the passage of the 19th Amendment in 1920. This was perhaps the most pivotal moment in the history of Feminism in the United States. Now women would be able to influence public policy and there would be no end to the rights and privileges they could grant themselves by electing politicians who would favor their causes.

The Second-wave feminism of the 1960s

The “second-wave” feminism of the 1960s began an all-out assault the traditional family. Women burned their bras and declared their independence from men. The patriarchal systems that had ruled mankind since the beginning of time needed to be torn down in their view.

They sued to have the right to abortion and the right to do as they would regardless of their husband’s wishes. No fault divorce began to spread throughout the country making divorce rates rise again. By the 1980s divorce rates in the United States rose to their peak of just over 50 percent and women had gained the right to murder their own children and their husbands had not a word to say about it.

The lasting consequences of the scourge of Feminism

For the first time in the history of the world these things are now happening as a direct result of the scourge of Feminism:

Marriage is no longer the sacred institution it once was. Women end marriages based on their feelings, and not based on God’s law. Women are the ones who file for divorce in almost 70% of all cases.

A man’s wife can have an affair on him and then she can decide to leave him for another man, file for divorce and take full custody of his children and half or more of everything he owns.

A man’s wife can murder his unborn child without his knowledge.

Women can accuse men of sexual harassment with little or no proof, and men can lose their jobs and livelihoods as a result.

Women can sue companies for supposed “gender discrimination” when they don’t get promotions or treatment that they feel is “fair and equal”.

Those who hold to Feminist ideals have taken over government positions, institutions of higher learning, churches and communities and have engaged in an all-out assault on masculinity.

While divorce rates have tapered off, cohabitation rates have grown. If the separation of couples who have lived together in long term relationships were counted as divorce, the divorce rate would be far past 50 percent in the United States.

Because of the rebellion of modern women many men run from the idea of marriage. Why would a man want to marry a woman, knowing at any time she could take his children and half of everything he owns if he does anything to make her unhappy?

As a result we have an ever growing number of single mothers or divorced mothers raising children. Crimes rates are up, poverty rates are up, all because of the disintegration of the family unit which is a direct result of Feminism.

Not only has the family unit suffered, but the church and our communities have suffered as well. We have become soft toward crime and criminals, we have softened our approach to our enemies abroad. Feminism like a disease has spread to almost every corner of our society.

What can we do against these seemingly overwhelming odds?

For those of us who embrace God’s design of man, woman and the family there is still hope even in the midst of all the carnage that Feminism has created.

We need to encourage men to be men. To lovingly, but firmly lead and provide for their families. Fathers need to teach their boys to not be ashamed of their masculinity, but to embrace it. They need to be gentlemen, and leaders. Women need to be taught their place in God’s creation, both by the churches as well as their husbands. Women need to be taught to embrace the fact that God created them to be a gift to man, and their greatest honor is to bear and raise the children of mankind.

This will take a great deal of courage on the part of men and church leaders. I believe we also have to use tact in how we approach women with these subjects. We need to treat women with love and respect, but we also need to lead.

Bible passages like these need to be preached from the pulpits of churches all across America and husbands and fathers need to teach these truths to the wives and daughters:

“But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God…Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.”

I Corinthians 11:3 & 9(KJV)

“3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;

4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,

5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

Titus 2:3-5(KJV)

“I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.”

I Timothy 5:14(KJV)

This new approach to directly confronting feminism in our homes and churches will not come without a cost. Pastors need to realize that some members will leave their churches when they stand on the Word of God and God’s design for man, woman and the family.

When men grow spines in their homes with their wives, their wives may threaten divorce or actually divorce them and they must be ready for this. There is no sin in a man standing for what is right, and if his wife leaves him for this the sin lies with her.

Single men when seeking wives need to be honest about their God given convictions. This might make finding a wife in America or other westernized countries more difficult and Godly Christian men may sometimes need to seek wives from countries abroad that have not been as poisoned by Feminism. I wrote another article where I talked about how Godly men can have the greatest influence through their relationships with their daughters.

We can begin to take back our society, one marriage, one family and one church at a time, if we will only have the courage to follow God’s ways and do what is right, no matter the cost.

Surveys and articles like this one from Time are pathetic in my view. Of course being at home can be more stressful than being at work. There are more responsibilities and especially when a mother is raising young children I would totally agree it can be harder and more stressful to be a stay at home mom than a working mom.

I understand the article is trying to address stress issues in both genders, but anyone reading it can see they are trying to say it is better to be a working mom than a stay at home mom.

Doing the right thing is often the harder thing. Taking the easier way out is often the wrong way. Yes ladies you can give yourself an 8 to 10 hour break every day from your children, and have less stress by letting some daycare workers take care of your kids while you have “adult time” at the office. But is this what is best for your child? Is this what God intended? The answer is most assuredly no.

“I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.”
I Timothy 5:14

“…Teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”
Titus 2:4-5

God did not say “hey ladies I know being at home can be stressful, especially with young kids, so go drop your daughters off with other women and go have a less stressful time at your career”.

Is pregnancy stress free? Is giving birth stress free? No these things take great tolls on a woman’s body but it is all worth it when a mom holds that young infant child in her arms for the first time.

What studies and articles like this don’t tell women is what they will lose by “relieving their stress”. You lose those special moments with your child. Instead of you being the first person to see your child walk, some day care worker gets to experience that special moment. Instead of hearing your child’s first words, a day care worker gets to hear them.

When you see your child grow up to be a stable and loving adult and you watch them graduate from high school, and maybe college and then get married – all that “stress” you went through at home will have been worth it.

Don’t take easy way out, do the hard work and you will reap the rewards God has in store for you when you follow his design.

A new study out from the Council on Contemporary Families suggests that contrary to most surveys, people are actually more stressed at home than at work. Three Penn State researchers measured people’s cortisol, which is a stress marker, while they were at work and while they were at home and found it higher at what is supposed to be a place of refuge.

“Further contradicting conventional wisdom, we found that women as well as men have lower levels of stress at work than at home” writes one of the authors, Sarah Damaske, assistant professor of labor and employment relations, sociology and women’s studies at Penn State (the italics are hers). In fact women even say they feel better at work, she notes. “It is men, not women, who report being happier at home than at work.” Another surprise is that the findings hold true, says Damaske, for both those with…