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30 November 2011

From Sunday (27 November 2011): Ashley, our newest therapist, is over for the first session after our week away. Julia is so excited to see her. Ya’ think she is tired of her mother?? Ashley asked Julia about her week away and also who those people -- Lisa, Nick and Michael -- are. Julia did not know what to say. I helped out, asking if they were her aunt and uncle or her cousins. She said no to those suggestions. Finally, she said, “They are my special family. And I love them.”

And now, today. I am at the surgery center waiting for my every 10 year colonoscopy. I have some waiting around and down time but if all goes well I will be done quickly. The benefit of coming in early. From what I remember 10 year ago, there wasn’t as much prep as there is now. I had instructions to change my eating habits for 5 days before the procedure, and to change to a diet which is just toxic to my health and weight -- no fiber, protein, milk products, white rice, white potatoes. They did not say all the sugar that I wanted, but refined sugar products would have fit the bill. By Sunday, I was pretty disgusted with the limitations and so I started fasting. Between a few days of fasting and the electrolyte solution last night, I am probably cleaner inside than I have ever been.

The IV has been started and I sit waiting. Amy brought be here this morning and she will come back to get me. The need for a friend to drive and listen to the doctor when the procedure is over which I knew about from the last time and which I heard about when the appointment was made in August was another jolt. This was what a partner did/does. In the surgery center now, as they ask questions, put on my bracelet, start the IV, I have such memories of David’s hospitalizations. There is no reason but i want to tell the nurses about David -- a strange impulse. Maybe I just don’t want to hold the memories alone.

But I do.

Julia did well in math group yesterday but she did manage some picking in the bathroom. I have to call her doctor today to find out whether I can continue to give her benydryl. Right now, she is taking it in the morning and before bed. I think it does help although it lowers her energy. A third dose in the middle of the school day might make the end of the day easier for her, might keep her from picking on the school bus. In phone tag with her doc, I am getting a referral to dermatology, although I don’t hold out much hope for that. It may take a month or two for dermatology to get back to us, and this isn’t really a dermatological problem. I also dread going over the story three or four times for a new specialist, who could read it all in the chart but whose administrator, nurse, and nurse practitioner will want it spelled out for them.

Just met the doctor. A nice, quiet man, but without much bedside manner. Not that I need any for a test given once in ten years.

Again, I’ve been losing my temper with Julia over her picking. It is not just her picking but her silence when I ask what she is doing, or where she picked. A week’s worth of healing gone in a second. My frustration climbs and I cannot be a bad enough mother to impress on her how serious this is. I know. I know. It all does no good. And then I feel awful that I was so mean to her. A vicious cycle that does no good for no one.

For medication right now, I have been discouraged to use benedryl for a third time during the day but will get a refill on the antihistamine for her to take during the day. Amy also gave me a wound and itch salve which is made with all natural ingredients. It is in a little tin and Julia can take it to school to use giving her a measure of control over the circumstances.

I also had a long talk with our psychologist on the autism team today. Her advice is to hit her hard with the consequences. Very behavioral, feels awful but she says that it works and short term pain is work long term gain. She wants to reduce the number of chances Julia gets in school so to ensure that she is sent home on a regular basis until she makes the effort to control herself. Also, at home, to go back to the losing dinosaur consequences and to do it often, returning the dinosaurs once a week or so, but making the consequence swift and immediate. She also didn’t think I should drive Julia to school, rather I should consider taping on the gloves so that the don’t come off easily, and if I or the teachers find she has picked, as evidenced by blood, she loses a chance or a dinosaur whichever is appropriate. Really tough love. We will work on rules by the end of the week to start on the weekend.

And then there is the possibility that it is the Adderall (ADHD med) that is exacerbating the habit of picking into a tic. And I have a call into her drug doc for that one. I want to solve this. I want to get back to our life before bug bites. Last week, Michael (14 and thoughtful) asked, what are you going to do next summer? Good questions. Answer: Oy!

Early evening: I have a lovely and perfect colon and took a variety of naps afterwards. I was thinking of doing a bit of work but have tripped up the stairs twice and decided to lay low for the day. I put the car in the garage in expectation of some snow. Did not unpack any breakables today.

An adoption friend, whose daughter comes from the same orphanage that Julia does and a child who looks like she could be Julia’s blood relative, posted a picture of her daughter at five. A very mature looking picture in the way that kids can strike a pose and suddenly look like adults. A magical insight of the future. She looked mature and knowing. And because she looks like Julia, it gives me certain pain. I have never seen such a look on Julia. At five this child looks years beyond Julia at 10. And it send me to worry and fret. What will the future bring to my girl. It is almost not a question. Just a wonder.

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The girls

Madison, WI -- May, 2012

Love & Imagination!

I write to understand what it takes for a girl from China to become part of an American family. Julia was adopted in August of 2006 when she was 5.5 years old. Although she survived life in an orphanage, her maturity was that of a toddler when we met. Her American learning curve has been steep, from obeying her adults, to learning to make art, to identifying & controlling her fear & anger. This last year Julia learned to read. Julia began four grade in September of 2011, although academically she is more than a 2 years behind her peers. Despite her many challenges (which have names like PDD-NOS, ADHD, & attachment disorder), Julia came to our family ready to love and to imagine. Love & imagination have seen us through five years together.

Family Internet Stops

Heart Transplant

In March of 2010, my husband, David, received a new heart and it was all that I could write about. I had no idea when I would return to regular Julia reports. It took a month.

On July 5, 2010, David died. The week before he was re-hospitalized with a gall bladder infection. The docs fought valiantly but the infection was too strong and David's body could not bear the assault.

I am still writing about all of it and what happened to us afterwards.

A Picture's Worth . . .

A picture a month to see how Julia is growing and changing. She is a wonder!

September 2012

Strong Sitting

August 2012

At home on Sunday

July 2012

After a summer swim

June 2012

Mommy, take my picture.

May 2012

My healing team

April 2012

saturday morning smile

March 2012

Julia's first spring concert

February 2012

Saturday princess

January 2012

year of the dragon begins

December 2011

Christmas Day

November 2011

Very goofy in Maryland

October 2011

looking out from inside the tunnel

September 2011

Watching warring giraffes

August 2011

Chautauqua Institution, Week 6

July 2011

Farm livin' is the life for me.

June 2011

Father's Day

May 2011

Julia hits a ball!

April 2011

Epcot

March 2011

Visions of springtime dance in her head

February 2011

W/camera & dinosaur mittens

January 2011

Short hair that Julia can take care of herself!

December 2010

Thinking of Daddy

November 2010

Walkin' in the Maryland woods

October 2010

Picking apples & pumpkins

September 2010

Julia & Going Home Barbie

August 2010

Osborn House, Isle of Wight, UK

July 2010

Happy 4th of July (Julia had her Daddy for the last day, from August 28, 2006, to July 4, 2010)

June 2010

Another picture?

May 2010

Julia meet Noah

April 2010

The new Spring hair cut

March 2010

At the close of Mommy's most intense month ever

February 2010

painting

January 2010

Her Daddy's girl! Researching comic book covers.

December 2009

Julia with China hair

November 2009

Stella Luna Julia

October 2009

Pumpkin picking

September 2009

Chasing geese

August 2009

Taken by Becky at our 3rd China reunion

July 2009

Coming into her own

June 2009

Does it get any better than this?

May 2009

At the Farmers' Market

April 2009

Spring at Branchbrook Park

March 2009

My Little Mermaid

February 2009

At the Circus

January 2009

Picture by Matthew

December 2008

The best present under the tree

November 2008

Braids

October 2008

Serious face in a new hat

September 2008

So much to say

August 2008

Abby & Julia

July 2008

Julia meets Annie Oakley

June 2008

Julia and Amy

May 2008

The spicy dragon wears a blue dragon

April 2008

Spring is coming!

March 2008

Messy hair is fun.

February 2008

Happy Year of the Rat

January 2008

A very goofy, pooffy girl

December 2007

Clear Eyed Holiday Girl

November 2007

Discovery of the chocolate donut

October 2007

Saturday Morning Fairy

September 2007

Sisters at college

August 2007

Julia visits Babja

July 2007

In the Garden once again

June 2007

Moving

May 2007

Dear Friends

April 2007

A warm spring day

March 2007

A favorite chair

February 2007

In Daddy's hat

January 2007

My girls together

December 2006

Does Santa really come here?

November 2006

A first Thanksgiving

October 2006

Julia in the garden

September 2006

The last ice pop of summer

August 2006

Our second day together

"I choose to thrive, with the help of the Cosmos." ~Lisa Ward, Pondering on the Path

Resolutions for 2012: live simply; give more, expect less; disengage from people and situations that feed weakness; complete fallow year projects; take up extravagant, ambitious projects; take care of my body; dip deeper into the well of mindfulness; do the work at hand without regard for economics or ego; love foolishly and without regard for the outcome; and invite society and adventure into my life. There is nothing to fear.