Dear Fangirly: Where We Dispense Semi-Solicited Advice, With Questionable Success

Between us, Ellen and I have about 50 years of combined life experience. Between Ellen, me, and our DVRs, we’ve racked up close to a millions years worth of knowledge and skill in all kinds of areas, like how best to keep dog hair off your toothbrush, or get rid of the vengeful spirit living in your antique doll, or how to manage your love triangle with two 150-year-old vampire brothers. And since this brand of wisdom was meant to be shared, we’re offering you our semi-solicited advice. These are real questions from real readers. The subsequent advice may be less… on the level.

Dear Whitney and Ellen,

I am writing to you both because I have one of the most common problems riddling any shy girl on the planet. I have a guy that I work with and I can’t tell if he likes me. And OBVIOUSLY I can’t just tell him and be done with it.

He makes me laugh and we have loads of fun talking together. He’s so confusing though and some days it does seem like he likes me and then he’ll do something strange and I can’t tell anymore. Just the other day we were chatting, quoting Scott Pilgrim as you do (I don’t have to defend my choices. It is one of the greatest, most quotable movies ever made. I will go so far as to call it a cinematic masterpiece) and this happens:Me: break out the L-word. Lesbians? Him: I’m in lesbian with youH: Not youH: But thats the wordsH: That he saysH: In that movie<end transcript>I KNOW THE QUOTE. I KNOW THAT IT IS A QUOTE. THAT WAS THE WHOLE THING. WE WERE QUOTING THE MOVIE. So, did he feel the need to clarify because he really doesn’t like me? Or is it because does like me but doesn’t want me to think he does? Or is it something else entirely?What is a girl to do? I’m entrusting you with my future.

-Unlucky in Lesbians

Dearest, sweetest Lesbians. First, I want to commend you on your excellent taste. Ellen and I were just saying the SPvW is a highly quotable movies that deserves more love than it ever got at the Box Office.

Next, I’ll say that you were right to bring this to us. This is a situation fraught with emotional complexity, and we think that the source of the problem is also where you can find your solution. That’s right. Let’s take at look at the relationship dynamics of Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World.

I’m sure I don’t need to remind you that Scott Pilgrim was also embroiled in a complicated romantic fracas.

For Scott and Ramona, their relationship wasn’t so much of a “will they/ won’t they” as a “should they/ shouldn’t they”. The conversation between you and “Him” seems embedded with flirty undertones. Subtext galore. So we’ve got to ask ourselves, assuming he feels the same way you do (a safe assumption, based on the aforementioned exchange), why isn’t he acting on it? I’ve got some ideas.

Maybe, like Ramona, there are other parties involved.

Ask around the office, or ask him directly. Is there someone else in his life? It would be easy to frame this line of questioning as a friend just taking an interest in another friend. Try to find out what is making him drag his feet. If you’re feeling really saucy, use visual cues.

The best advice I can give is, don’t get discouraged.

I know that this phase of relationships can drag out. Try not to feel too frustrated. But if this person is really special, if you hear Beck playing when you two are together, then he’s probably worth waiting for.

I know, Lesbians, I know. This probably feels like the universe is hitting you where it hurts.

But I guarantee that if you just keep being your bad self, “Him” will come around soon. And if he doesn’t, then I can safely say, his loss.