Men Made Easy – My Experience

I had been a happy woman woman who had been with her husband for over 25 years, and for much of that time I thought we were happy. We had raised two wonderful children together. Done all the things that couples do. It wasn’t always wonderful. But it was always pretty good. We ticked along quite happily. He was my companion, my soulmate and I liked to think I was his. I didn’t need him to tell me he loved all the time. I just needed to feel he cared.

But after I turned 50 things seemed to take a downward spiral. It’s hard to put my finger on exactly why things changed, but change they did. It just all seemed a little colder. It wasn’t like I thought he was having an affair or anything, but the closeness seemed to be gone. And that’s hard to take when you have spent such a long time with one man.

Why I Was Looking For Answers Before I Found Men Made Easy…

I didn’t know what to do. It’s not like he was coming home drunk. Or beating me up. It was all very civilised really. But it was a sham. And I knew it. I didn’t want to die on the inside. I wanted the spark back. Not fire necessarily. But at least smouldering. At least closeness. I wanted the man back that I married.

I wanted to understand what was going on with my Mark (I have changed his name). He was never one of those men who sits easily into the talking mode. He was never much of a talker even in the early days. So I knew there was no chance of getting him to marriage counselling. And, to be honest, I’m not sure I would want to go even if I could. It would have felt to much like failure. Like admitting defeat. Like saying we had reached the bottom of the barrel, and that this was it.

I didn’t want to do that. I don’t want to be on my own. I’m 52. I’m not afraid, but that’s not to say that I want to start all over again. I wanted to know that the time I invested was worth it.

I don’t want you to go through what I went through for two years.

I don’t want you to feel the pain that I went through.

I don’t want you to feel the sense of being alone.

I don’t want you to feel like you have no-where to turn to. No-one to hold onto. No-one who wants you. I want you to work it out, like I did. I want you to get the feelings burning again. To feel wanted.

Men Made Easy

I didn’t realise until I read Kara Oh’s book, Men Made Easy, what I had been doing wrong.

I had been drifting along in a bit of a malaise. Not really sure how to fix it. Blaming Mark for turning cold, but not really taking responsibility for my own actions.

And there was my truth.

It’s ok to feel sorry for yourself. But you have to do something to change it. You have to take the little steps, if the big steps are ever to follow. That was what I realised after a while. That I couldn’t simply sit around and wait for Mark to show he cared again. It wasn’t going to happen. We had started down that slippery slope that I expect all couples go through at some point.

I know that it came as a shock to me that it happened in my relationship. You just don’t expect it.

And I kind of ‘endured’ for a couple of years just hoping things would turn around on their own. That someone would wave a magic wand and make things better between us. But it never happened.

And I did look around for answers. But they didn’t seem the right ones. They didn’t resonate with me.

I don’t want to give the impression that I ‘tried everything’. I really didn’t. I guess I felt a bit bottled up by not wanting to admit failure even to myself. But I did start to feel frustrated and alone.

I phoned up Samaritans one night just to talk. It did help. The woman was nice. But there was no advice. Just talking. It felt like lancing a boil, but I knew then that I needed more than just someone to listen. I needed to change things, and it was then that I read Men Made Easy and I really started to turn things around.

How Men Made Easy Helped Me…

It was at that point that I came across Karas book, Men Made Easy. I bought it more out of hope then expectation. I hoped it would help, but I didn’t think it would.

But I was wrong, and that’s why I am writing this. I wanted to set down how much Men Made Easy has helped me.

It talks a lot about personal responsibility and how men’s craving for intimacy is as great as women’s but works in a different way. And it was then that I realised that I had been acting like I lived on an island that I gave my husband permission to visit. But never really let him in. And that I need to do that more if we were to heal.

We are on a journey now. It feels hopeful. It’s not fire. But it’s smouldering again. And that is a big step in the right direction.

If you are wondering about where to go next. Then take action is my advice. I found that courage in one way through reading Kara’s book. Maybe you will find it another way then mine, but regardless, you have to take the step and do something.

Thank you for listening and I wish you much renewed joy in your relationship.