Need CAB advice. Ex Partner sleeping on my sofa.

My partner and I have split up. We split up on good terms, as we felt we got on much better as friends than as girlfriend/boyfriend. We were friends before we dated, so technically things have just went back to how they were.

Where the problem lies is that when he moved out, he went to move back into his old room at his parents house that he lived in before we lived together, however since then his sister moved back into the family home and will be there for some time, so not only is there no longer any room for him, but his father is a 79 year old pensioner with a heart condition and his mum had to undergo life saving surgery two years ago as she had septicemia after having a colostomy bag taken out after having bowel cancer, which was caught in time, so neither of them have the health or room to have two adult children back living with them. He is not close to his dad or sister, but is very close to his mum, so even if he was to sleep on there sofa, it would cause problems for his parents due to their age, health and the fact his dad does not want him living there.

He is having to sleep on my sofa, but to make matters worse he was made redundant and has no income. This is causing a strain for us as he has nowhere to go and neither of us can move on with our lives. He has been here a few weeks now and it is starting to get both of us down. We still get on greatly as friends but its not fair on either of us to be living together, and it is confusing my son (not his child, he has no children).

I am also struggling to keep him here as he cannot contribute a single penny to his keep. He cannot sign on job seekers allowance because I am now on income support as a single parent and if he were to claim job seekers allowance while putting his parents address down but still living here, the council could and would probably see that as benefit fraud as I would be claiming as a single parent and he would be claiming as a single person but we would be living under the same roof and as we are ex-partners its highly unlikely the council/DWP would believe that we had separated and would assume we are claiming as single people to get more money out of them. I also know the council would do checks as he was interviewed by the job centre just after we split to confirm we were not longer living together, but then he thought he could move into his parents home.

He is trying very hard to find a job as he would rather rent privately from a landlord for a 1 bedroom flat as he viewed moving back into his parents as only a temporary measure until he found a full time job. He is a decent, hard working guy with a great C.V however, there are not as many jobs around at the moment and there are more people out of work, but if he was to get a job that would also create a problem for us and a reason he is apprehensive about applying for work.

He would be working part-time/full-time while still living here and as I am claiming as a single parent, if the council and dwp were to find out that I were claiming benefits as a single parent while having another adult in my flat who is working, then again they could class that as benefit fraud and would assume we are back living as a couple which we are not! We have no idea what to do? He has been offered a small part-time job doing events stewarding at football/rugby matches but he has had no shifts in over 3 weeks, so technically has no income at all as it's a "when needed" basis job and with Glasgow Rangers Football Club going into administration most of his shifts are gone as they have cut back on stewards.

I feel really bad for him. He cannot move on with his life and neither can I. I heard him crying tonight which is NOT like him at all.

His mum said that she would give him money for a deposit for a small one bedroom flat and he would go on DSS (Housing Benefit) and JSA while in the flat until he found a full-time job (which he desperately wants), however we found out today that because he is a single person under 35 (he's 30), he would not get the full amount paid to him in housing benefit. This change in housing benefit came in effect last month and changed from under 25s to under 35s. When he found this out he was crushed, and it is so upsetting for me to see someone I love and care about crying himself to sleep. This is a big muscular manly, man who rarely shows his emotions and is usually never fazed by any situation and has a "let's do it" attitude. He is a proud man, who wants to be a proud working man with his own place and a job but is truly lost. I am helping him as I care about him as a friend and I'm very close to his family.

but if he was to get a job that would also create a problem for us and a reason he is apprehensive about applying for work.

I don't quite get the above statement. Surely thinking like this means he'll NEVER move out. Chicken and egg come to mind!

Check out local newspaper/shop windows for rooms for rent. This doesn't have to be a permanent thing, just until he gets a steady income stream and then he can rent a place of his own. Does he not have any friends or friends of friends who would maybe welcome the extra income from renting out their spare room? Has he tried looking on the website spareroom.co.uk or easyroommate.co.uk (free registration). Shelter is also an excellent idea.

I am going to ask my colleagues from the CAB to take a look at your thread. It will probably take a few days for a reply as we work part-time.

Anon has your ex found out how much it would cost to rent a 1 bedroom property in your area? He could then use these figures to see what he is entitled to using the calculator on Turn2us - to access benefits and grants Has he spoken to the local authority to find out how much local housing allowance he would be entitled to so that he knows what shortfall on the rent would be?

Hi Louise this is the original poster, I had to make up a new Anon name as I'm not sure how to re-enter my previous Anon address etc.

He found out yesterday that the council would pay up to £68 per week in housing benefit if he went with a private landlord who accepts DSS, they were very nice to him and said they take no pleasure in doing this but sadly this government has changed this rule from under 25's to under 35's as of last month. He would need to make up the rest out of his JSA (if he claimed) which is not do-able as if he went on JSA, he would need every penny for food, electricity etc. She said that if he were working full time and was paying rent, but then lost his job, then his rent would be paid in full as he could afford when he moved in, but they would not pay it fully, if he couldnt afford it, the day he moved in. Strange rule.

He would get his rent paid in full regardless of if he could afford it in the begining or not if he was in a council or housing association property, and she suggested going down that route.

He is still close to his mum who is helping him as due to their medical conditions he could be seen as a priority to get re-homed as its not possible for him to live there, add the fact his dad has put his foot down and said no. So his mum is having her GP write two letters regarding their health conditions and one will be sent to the council, another to Link Housing Association. He is registered with Link and is hoping with this evidence he would get a priority pass. His mum is also very close to the local housing officer and the fact he first applied to Link in October stands him in better stand as a lot of single people under 35 have no joined Link waiting lists due to the changes in housing benefit last month

Today I visited the council and he was told to come up and declare himself homeless and they would re-house him, it could take a few weeks or a few months. But he has been told by his mum (who has a friend who works in CAB) that if he declares himself homeless he would be put in a homeless unit which has put him off. As he knew someone who got stuck in one for 5 years (back in the 80s) and had to live among junkies etc, and knowing my ex's contempt for low life and the fact he is a powerful guy he would probably end up knocking half of them out. He also doesnt believe a homeless unit has room for all his stuff. He is a competitive athlete and has dumbbells and weight plates over 100kgs, computers, computer desks, laptops, half the stuff in this house is is that I would like out for a fresh start, he has a bed, fridge freezer etc.

He has a great CV and references and would get a job fairly quickly and could easily go on JSA on a temporary basis but again he cannot do either of these things while living here without the council seeing it as us still living together but fiddling the system by declaring ourselves as single but living together.

He is a guy who has always done well in life who through two unfortunate incidents happening at the same time (our break up and his redundancy) has been placed in a situation he doesnt understand. He has been on JSA for a couple of months before, but always see's benefits as a safety net which he's thankful for but prefer s getting a job as quickly as possible and paying his own way. It's just his pride has been hurt and he is deeply ashamed of himself. The council could also put him anywhere so he doesnt want to start looking for a job until he knows where he'll be living, as he would have to rely on public transport as he doesnt drive.

The stress of all this caused me to collapse at the gym today, I'm still very close to his mum and I feel I'm duty bound to help as his family rescued me from a hell hole block of flats in a town I hated. This time last year his parents paid up front a deposit and first months rent upfront in for us to move into this flat, after my tenancy agreement ended in my previous place. I could not have moved here without their help as it's a different council and councils only house their own tenants, and I wanted out of the town I lived in as I hated it, so I more than likely would have been re-housed in that same time, and I couldnt have moved to this town with a private rent on DSS without their help as I could not have afforded the deposit and first month up front with them paying it.

The other reason for them paying for this place was that they knew their daughter was having to move back in and they knew they could not have two adult children staying with them, so they saw this as the ideal way for their son to move out and have his own place.

I cannot help but feel guilty that they handed over £760 which was a struggle for them, money which was handed over to us, yet their son is the one who is homeless while I'm sitting in this flat. I know its not my fault but I cant help feel guilty around them. I know if I had an adult son and I handed over that amount of money for him and his partner to start a new life and move out, yet just over a year later it would be my son who is declaring himself homeless, I'd feel a bit angry.

I can hear how despondent your ex feels and the pressure that the situation is putting all of you under. Louise has referred your thread to CAB, so please do keep an eye out for their reply which I'm sure will be helpful.

What is a positive is that you and your ex are proactively seeking and exploring options, and asking for help. Someone mentioned Shelter, and do consider calling their helpline too, as they can give you specialist advice.

Anon, its clear that you have a good heart and are very caring - you didn't intend for any of this to happen. Neither of you were to know that this would be the outcome a year later. You really have nothing to feel guilty for as its not like you turfed him out or that you aren't helping try to resolve the issues.

We're here for you so do post again and let us know how things are going.

What I'm about to write is not what you are going to want to read but as I've read your thread I have become really concerned because I have to say that as things are at the present time you are committing benefit fraud because of him living there. You really must declare the fact that he's living there.

I would suggest that you would be better off, financially at least, declaring that he is living there so that you would as a couple be getting £105.95 rather than the present £67.50. That extra amount of money would help him feel that he was putting money into the house and by signing on he would get help from the job centre in looking for work.

Once he gets a job and moves on then you can report a new change of circs to go back on IS.

Thanks Pete from CAB. Thankfully a few good things have happened today. His mum (who is a bit of a wizard when it comes to finding stuff on the internet) has found a few 1 bedroom flats that accept DSS and the weekly rent is £68 p.w which is exactly the maximum the council would pay him.

He is viewing a few of the flats on tuesday and there is only a depsit of £109 (which is mum will pay for him) and no first month upfront. The monthly rent is £295, so he would only need to make up a difference of £9 per month.

The council wont pay someone under 35 with no children anymore than £68 and the landlord he spoke to realises this so has flats for that rent rate for the simple reason too many landlords cant get people to take their one bedroom flats that accept DSS.

He also has two full time job interviews coming up and on monday he will be applying for job seekers allowance.

Things are looking up. The council were no help whatsoever, and although he is going down the route of link, that takes time.

I think its terrible that the council, through not willing to help us (besides paying rent) have actually forced us to 'commit benefit fraud'. Surely that shows a flaw in the system. There are two council flats in my block, one is empty and has been for some time and the other council flat has a junkie/alcoholic living in it, who turns the place into a drug/drink den - and we have already had a stabbing outside of that flat. Just shows you who the council are willing to help, while leaving decent people who have contributed to society who need a little bit of support to help them through a difficult time till they find their feet again to fend for themselves. Maybe if he was a drug addict he would have been helped.

I still dont see how him living here would have been seen as benefit fraud as he has no income, no wages, no benefits, no nothing, not a penny, so in actually fact I'm financially worse off with him being here, because I need to feed him, use the extra electricity, extra water etc. I'm not gaining anything with him being here. At least he has learned a lesson, that the council dont bother with people like him.

P.S Us going on a couple's job seekers allowance would have been no use, as for a start we are not a couple and secondly because of two DWP debts I have, our couples JSA would have been reduced to £180 per fortnight and not the £210, which would mean that my ex would be taking the £134 he's entitled to from it, while I would be left with £60 for me and my son to live on and even if we split it 50/50 it would still leave both of us out of pocket. P.S Surely claming a couple JSA when you are not a couple is benefit fraud???