Olympic Conkers Venue Woefully Behind Schedule

The Conker Bowl, a facility which will stage conkers, marbles, tiddly winks and origami at the 2012 Olympics his miles behind schedule and already over budget. The 30,000 seater stadium with state of the art conker polishers, marble pitches and gold plated tiddly winks cups is at present no more than a muddy field. When asked what the money has been spent on the Haddock reporter was sent a limousine which took him to the Ritz where he joined the development team in a bath filled with Don Perignon. Lunch consisted of caviar and lobster salad served in a Faberge egg by scantily clad women.

“We’re at a complete loss,” said the team leader with a shrug. “But I think the snow may have had something to do with it.”