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November 18, 2012

Why Women Lose Interest In Sex…And What We Can Do About It

“I’d rather eat chocolate.”

“I just don’t care for it. It’s more of a hassle.”

“I want to be in the mood, but it just doesn’t happen anymore.”

Do you ever wonder what happened to your libido? Are you in an otherwise happy relationship in which the sexual tension seems to have vanished and you’d like to get it back? You are not alone! Losing interest in sex is actually quite common for women of all ages and while our reasons for becoming uninterested are varied, there are some common themes that emerge in our highly personal stories.

Read on to uncover some of the top reasons women lose interest in sex and explore practical strategies for getting your sexual groove back.

Performance Pressure

Sex is supposed to be an experience, not a performance. If we could shift it back toward the former, the bulk of our sexual challenges would be easily resolved. Unfortunately, our obsession with sex as an indicator of status coupled with our inability to have honest conversations about this highly personal topic only intensify the problem.

We often assume that performance pressure falls exclusively into the male domain, but women also experience our fair share of pressure. We sometimes focus our energies wondering if we are wet enough or stressing about what we look like instead of embracing the pleasure of the moment. We may also become so concerned about our skills, sounds and orgasms that our neocortex (the thinking part of our brains) shuts down sexual response altogether. No wonder we lose interest!

Overcoming performance pressure is an involved process, but the first step is to learn to enjoy yourself first. Practice being selfish by masturbating and delve deeper into your own fantasies by reading erotic stories to reveal your primal desires that often at odds with cultural prescriptions of female sexuality. As you become more in tune with your true sexual self, the pressure to perform will gradually be replaced with a hunger for sexual satiation.

Erotic Deficits

Do you eroticize your relationship? Or has your marriage become a practical partnership with someone for whom you care deeply? While developing a deep connection and a meaningful friendship is elemental to long-term stability, this security can take a toll on the erotic component of your relationship.

Eroticizing your relationship involves treating your partner like a lover as opposed to a friend. This does not mean that you must value sex above all else, but simply that you take some time to acknowledge the value of your lover as a beautiful, sexual being. Brushing your hands against his thighs while he is driving or teasing your fingers around her neck while she works are simple ways to remind your sweetheart that you take pleasure in their body. Flirt as though you want your lover’s attention and offer compliments the way you would if you had just met.

These small steps do not need to result in sexual intercourse, but can help to rebuild the playfulness and erotic energy that lay the foundation for sexual connections.