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Polly Gimme

I read an editorial in the NY Times that pondered the legalization of polygamy.After reading this, and trying to keep an open mind, I started to laugh.Why? Well, think of it this way. If it’s legal for a man to have several wives, it will have to be legal for a woman to have several husbands.

I’m starting to like the idea more and more.And because of that…It will never become legal.Oh…Did you guys forget something? You can’t pass a law that affects only one sex, which brings me to my next VIP (very Important Point) Freedom of choice. You American women better get your voices heard, or you’ll be living in a country where abortion is illegal, and polygamy a fact of life…For men only.

Who’s Afraid of Polygamy? By JOHN TIERNEYPublished: March 11, 2006 the New York Times

If gay marriage becomes legal, its opponents have been warning, the next step in America’s moral deterioration will be legalized polygamy. These conservatives won’t be happy with “Big Love,” the HBO series starting tomorrow night.This story of a husband with three wives in Utah will not terrify Americans. Polygamy doesn’t come off as a barbaric threat to the country’s moral fabric. It looks more like what it really is: an arrangement that can make sense for some people in some circumstances, but not one that could ever be a dangerous trend in America.

After watching the husband on the show struggle to pay for three households and watching his three wives struggle for his attention, the question that comes to mind is not how to keep polygamy illegal. The question is why we bother to ban something that takes so much work these days.

When polygamy was outlawed in the 19th century, the Supreme Court upheld the ban by citing the “evil consequences” of a practice that “has always been odious among the northern and western nations of Europe.” It dismissed polygamy as “a feature of the life of Asiatic and of African people,” as if that were reason enough to damn it.

Yet an institution that has been around for so long must have had something going for it. Humans aren’t as inclined to polygamy as some apes are — we probably evolved as hunter-gatherers who mostly had one mate at a time — but some form of polygamy has existed in the vast majority of cultures.

Some opponents of polygamy call it the exploitation of women by rich men, and that’s true if the wives are coerced into the marriages. But many wives have willingly chosen it, like the three women on “Big Love,” who have married a successful businessman.

These three wives, who live in adjacent houses, sound much like the women in polygamous marriages I’ve talked to in rural Africa. The African wives told me they had mixed feelings about the arrangement — and their fellow wives — but over all, they figured it was better to share one prosperous husband than to marry someone else without land, cows or a job.

That’s the way social scientists figure it, too. Polygamy isn’t the cause of women’s low status in traditional societies, but rather a consequence of their trying to move up. The biggest losers from polygamy are the poorer men who end up with no wives. Women benefit because polygamy increases their number of marriage prospects — and in traditional societies, marriage is often the only way for a woman to improve her status.

Even in those societies, polygamy is practiced by just a small minority because few men have enough resources to entice more than one wife. As a society modernizes and women become educated, they gain other economic options and become less and less willing to share a husband. Eventually polygamy is out of question for practically everyone, men and women. At that point, the monogamous majority can safely proclaim its moral superiority and outlaw the practice for everyone else.

Critics say children would be better off growing up in a home with a full-time father, but a part-time one is better than what’s in many homes today. The father in “Big Love” is more like Ward Cleaver than today’s alpha males who’ve dumped a series of wives and families.

Polygamy isn’t necessarily worse than the current American alternative: serial monogamy.

Elizabeth Joseph, a lawyer and journalist who was married to a polygamist in Utah, says her experience handling divorce cases made her appreciate the stability of her marriage. She also appreciated other perks, like the round-the-clock day care that enabled her to keep an unpredictable schedule at work and to relax when she came home.

“If I’m dog-tired and stressed out, I can be alone and guilt-free,” she explained in a speech to the National Organization for Women. “It’s a rare day when all eight of my husband’s wives are tired and stressed at the same time.” She told the NOW audience that polygamy “offers an independent women a real chance to have it all” and represented “the ultimate feminist lifestyle.”

She won’t persuade many American women, feminists or otherwise. But if a few consenting adults like her still want to practice polygamy, there’s no reason to stop them. And if the specter of legalized polygamy is the best argument against gay marriage, let the wedding bells ring.

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6 thoughts on “Polly Gimme”

Ha! What if we could have several husbands? One to support us (or more if we’re really greedy, LOL!), one to show off to our pals (that would be the gigolo-gorgeous hunk that would make their tongues hang out with envy), and one for nothing but hot, steamy sex? Come to think of it, one husband’s probably more than enough… and by the way, you’re tagged to tell us about your perfect man!

This situation (polygamy) is known to occur in a community near where I live and there is an investigation (sort of) into it. But how come (as in parts of Utah, for instance) if it is ‘illegal’ they seem to have so much trouble stopping it? i wonder how much self esteem those women have, sharing a man with several others.No thanks to that! and as in Africa, it’s only another way to spread the deadly disease (as in AIDS) and heaven knows what else.These days I have to give myself a shake when I read what’s going on (especially in the States.) Where is this hedonistic society leading us? (And yes, I am pro choice when it comes to that other subject that the fundamentalists are trying to prohibit.)

Yep. Realistically I don’t think I could share my husband, but boy there are days where the thought of having somebody else to deal with him or the kids tempts me!I wouldn’t have chipped nail polish ever again. 🙂

Yep – I can NOT see sharing a husband, but maybe a couple other husbands to help out, take each other on hunting trips, play with the kids etc…LOLOLHell, why not? If the Mormons can do it, why can’t women? LOL