Before Jamaica Lane,
p.11

Nate shook his head, looking a little impatient. ‘I’m not attracted to all women. Believe me. ’ He took a step closer to me, so close I had to tilt my head back a little to meet his eyes, eyes that now smoldered in a way that caused the breath to hitch in my throat. ‘If you were just some woman in a bar, I’d pick you out from all the others, take you home, and fuck you so hard you wouldn’t be able to walk straight in the morning. ’

I gulped.

In fact, I think I might have had a little mini-orgasm.

‘Olivia?’

‘Got it. ’ I managed a whisper. ‘You think I’m attractive. ’

His lips twitched again, his dark eyes bright with amusement. ‘But do you?’

Eyes wide, I nodded rapidly. ‘Oh, I’m definitely getting there now. ’

Breaking out into a huge grin, Nate smacked my ass playfully before heading for the door. ‘Good. See you Thursday, babe. ’

Nate’s voice kept ringing in my head during quiet moments. It had ever since Monday night. Every time I remembered his compliments I flushed with pleasure, smiling goofily, and then overanalyzed whether or not he meant it. Something I’m sure he’d be pissed off to learn. I couldn’t help it. It wasn’t like my confidence in my looks was suddenly going to grow overnight because the gorgeous Nate Sawyer said he found me attractive.

Okay, so I wasn’t lying when I told him it helped.

It definitely helped.

Or at least it put me in a good mood for the next few days.

‘Did you hear that Jude and Mari from Special Collections are getting married?’ Ronan, one of my colleagues, asked me as we sat eating lunch in the staff room together.

Thinking about that harridan Mari, I replied dryly, ‘How nice for them. ’

‘Jesus, you can hold a grudge,’ he chuckled, munching his sandwich while he texted his wife. I knew he was texting his wife because the two of them were addicted to texting each other throughout the workday. They’d been married five years and still acted like newlyweds.

My mouth parted in indignation. ‘She was horrible to me. ’

Special Collections was on the sixth floor of the library and could be accessed only by appointment. It was run by the rare-books staff – Jude, Mari, and a small group of colleagues who were trained in dealing with old and rare books. It was a pretty cool job, and by all accounts a pretty cool place. When I’d first started working at the library I’d asked Mari for a tour. I was promptly told that ordinary staff were not allowed in unless they had an appointment, and the appointment had to be for a legitimate reason.

‘This isn’t a small-town library, Miss Holloway,’ she’d sneered over her glasses at me. ‘And even if it was, what would a provincial like you find of merit in Special Collections?’

Ronan snorted as I reminded him what she’d said to me. ‘You’ve got to give her points for getting the word “provincial” into the sentence. ’

The door to the staff room flew open and our colleague Wendy strolled in. She was grinning huge. ‘I just got asked out again by another student. This place is brilliant for my self-esteem. I can’t believe I didn’t think to come here sooner. ’ She shrugged as she got a plastic cup of water from the water dispenser. ‘Of course, the fact that it’s the third time I’ve been hit on by a woman is a little puzzling. ’

Sneaking a look at Ronan I saw him struggling not to laugh, which of course set me off. Once I lost control, he started laughing too. Wendy was a thirty-three-year-old wife and mother of two. She was attractive, friendly, funny, and just plain old nice. And apparently a hit with the ladies.

She watched us chuckle with a good-natured smile on her face. ‘What? Do you think I’m doing something to encourage it?’

I shook my head. ‘I don’t know. Just take it as the compliment it is. ’

My eyebrows puckered together. ‘By barely out-of-their-adolescence boys who will screw anything as long as it has boobs and a vagina attached to it. ’

‘We’re using the word “vagina” at work now?’ Angus’s voice jerked my head around from Ronan. My boss was leaning against the doorway, regarding us with cool amusement.

I smiled sheepishly. ‘We’re talking about medical journals?’

Angus ignored that and wandered toward the coffee machine. ‘I met Michael here, you know,’ he suddenly offered up, which told us he’d been standing at the door for a while and knew exactly what we’d been talking about. ‘Fraternizing with the students isn’t encouraged, but I was twenty-three and he was a twenty-five-year-old postgrad. ’ He grinned at me over his shoulder. ‘Sometimes when you click you just click – you can’t help who it’s with. Have you never had that with anyone, Liv? A student, perhaps?’

‘Yes. You. ’ He frowned at me. ‘Why do you ask that like it’s impossible?’

‘Um …’ Uh-oh. I didn’t want my colleagues knowing that any self-esteem I had was clinging to my personality with a death grip.

Angus gave me a look that suggested he thought me more than a little nutty (he gave me that look a lot), grabbed his coffee, and strode toward the exit. ‘Try not to use the word “vagina” outside of the staff room. ’

Ronan and Wendy laughed, but I was barely listening, diving inside my own head.

If you were just some woman in a bar, I’d pick you out from all the others, take you home, and fuck you so hard you wouldn’t be able to walk straight in the morning.

Nate’s delicious voice was echoing in my brain again, along with Angus’s comments. Maybe Nate really was being one hundred percent honest with me. It was possible that men, actual men, not adolescent boys and young college boys, might find me attractive – might actually be okay with a woman who was a little overweight, had curves and an ass on her.

And here I’d thought Sir Mix-A-Lot wrote ‘I Like Big Butts’ just because it was catchy.

‘Huh. ’

‘What?’ Ronan’s eyebrows rose in question.

‘Nothing,’ I muttered. ‘I’m just having a possibly life-altering epiphany over here. ’

‘Want to share?’

I shook my head with a smile and got to my feet. ‘Better get back to work. ’ I cleaned up the small mess I’d made, rinsed out my mug, and headed toward the door, unconsciously singing out loud.

As Nate leaned against my kitchen counter, drinking soda, I allowed myself to really look at him in a way I hadn’t looked at him since cementing a close friendship with him. It was Thursday night and he’d just arrived to continue our lessons. Wearing a plain black T-shirt, black jeans, black boots, and a sp

orts watch, he was glamorous without even trying. I knew he’d hate it if he knew I was thinking that word, but it just fit Nate. At any given minute he looked ready to walk the red carpet or pose for the paparazzi. When he’d been dressed up in his three-piece suit for Joss and Braden’s wedding, he’d been absolutely beautiful. He could put Hollywood actors to shame.

And Nate wasn’t just beautiful on the outside. Underneath the playboy was a guy more loyal than most, earthy, compassionate, and – let’s face it – giving. Here he was, taking time out of his life to help me with a pretty embarrassing situation. So far, he’d tried his best to make sure the experience wasn’t excruciating for me. How many guys were that kind and patient?

He was beautiful all the way through, and it was only now sinking in that a man that beautiful had said he found me attractive.

‘So did anything stick with you?’ Nate asked carefully after taking his first sip of Coke.

‘I’ve been singing “I Like Big Butts” for the past twenty-four hours. ’

His laughter filled my tiny apartment and it hit me in my belly in a way that it hadn’t in a long time. Stubbornly I squashed that feeling and continued. ‘Honestly, it has sunk in a little. At least it’s put me in a good mood, and has made me think that maybe I do have a slightly skewed perception of my physical appearance. However, it’s not going to make me confident overnight. The thought of flirting with Benjamin, doing anything with Benjamin, makes me nervous as all hell. ’

He shrugged. ‘You’ve got to be patient. We’ll get you there. I just wanted to know you’re at least thinking about what I said. I don’t want this to be a total waste of my time. ’

I did my best not to wince at his comment. Nate was blunt. That’s who he was. He didn’t censor his words, and if you were feeling a little sensitive it was easy to take them the wrong way. ‘You’re not wasting your time,’ I promised him.

The corner of his lip tipped up and a dimple flashed in his right cheek. ‘No, I’m not wasting my time. ’

Trying not to become mesmerized by that dimple, I exhaled a little shakily and asked, ‘So, what’s next?’

‘First flirting. Then clothes. ’

Blinking rapidly, I attempted to process the words in a way that made them make sense. I couldn’t. ‘Uh … clothes?’

Nate ran his eyes down my body pointedly. ‘Do you own a skirt? A dress? Anything that shows cleavage?’

Suddenly I knew exactly what he was talking about. It wasn’t that I wasn’t stylish – at least I hoped not – but I was a little conservative in my clothing choices. Still, I had to have something that showed cleavage …

I took too long to think because Nate said smugly, ‘Exactly. ’

‘My clothes aren’t that bad. ’

‘No, they’re not. But the only time I’ve seen you in a dress was the bridesmaid dress you wore to the wedding. I’ve never seen you in a short skirt either. ’

Watching him take another drink, my eyes were glued to the movement of his strong throat. I shrugged absentmindedly. ‘I’ve never been that confident showing skin. ’

‘Why?’

My eyes rose to meet his and I made a face. ‘You seriously have to ask that?’

His answer was aggravated silence. And yes, silence could be aggravated. It bristled around Nate as he waited impatiently for me to answer the question.

‘Okay, okay. ’ I slouched over to the counter, pushing at my own glass of cold Coke. ‘It meant the possibility of men looking at me, and if they’re looking at me, they’re judging me. ’

Nate contemplated this for a moment before replying, ‘Were you bullied as a child?’