Justified 4.6: “You’re turning a corner you can’t walk back around”

Somehow we never talked about Timothy Olyphant’s “appearance” on Archer, which was fantastic. If only Archer could guest star on Justified… Well maybe we can have a scene of Raylan discussing his dream B&B.

You know what this season is missing? A big bad. I thought Preacher Billy and his sister Cassie would be the big villains, but 1) Preacher Billy is dead and 2) thus far, Cassie hasn’t been that strong-willed an antagonist. Season one had not only Boyd but Pa Crowder, season two had Mags Bennett (still the best), and season three had Quarles and his big babyhead. So far this season has the looming specter of Detroit mobster Theo Tonin and Cassie somewhere in the wings, but we don’t seem to be building toward a big showdown. Instead we’re dealing with the mystery bag from Arlo’s house. And also the runaway Ella Mae.

Boyd has clearly broken into this rich guy’s house wearing a balaclava, yet he has no problem touching everything within sight and not wearing gloves. They think this “Dale” guy is Drew Thompson. Result: he’s not.

Boyd, however, is not at all suspicious of Johnny. And he’s not too worried about Wynn Duffey just yet but that makes more sense. Boyd vs. Duffy is like a cockroach vs. a lobster.

So that kid who stole Raylan’s car is shooting up a drawing of an Indian, which troubles me, but it turns out Roz, the chick who helped him hustle Raylan, dumped him for an actual Indian guy in the trailer park. So it’s okay?

Sheriff Shelby is kind of a badass. Too bad Boyd will kill him eventually (it’s inevitable—he’s trying to cut ties with Boyd who will not let that happen).

Boy, Roz is just a real peach, isn’t she?

Josiah is Drew Thompson! OMG!

Seriously, Sheriff Shelby is kind of awesome. He has the stones to give’er to Raylan.

Gutterson!

Gutterson’s sketchy Army buddy: “Maybe that will help with your menstrual cramps.” Gutterson: “Nah, those went away when I got on birth control.” Doesn’t miss a beat. I LOVE GUTTERSON.

Gutterson sees Colton at the VA clinic and his sketchy buddy recognizes him as a junkie. Colton’s method of finding a dealer: hold a gun on a guy’s junk until he tells him where to find one. Less badass, more totally f*cking crazy.

Sheriff Shelby arrests Boyd. Seriously. This guy.

Colton is now smacking around hookers. Totally. F*cking. Crazy.

Boyd: “That’s what assholes do, Raylan. They grow old and die of being an asshole.” That might be the greatest thing Boyd has ever said.

The Shelby/Boyd/Raylan powwow yields nothing in the search for Josiah/Drew, but now Raylan knows Ella Mae is missing and that Boyd is involved, and that Arlo’s lawyer is also Boyd’s, and she is stalling Arlo’s plea deal for reasons unknown to Raylan (she’s been paid off, though).

The hooker Colton hit told Johnny someone else did it. Now Johnny is going to beat some poor sucker to death all because Colton is a big ole bag of NUTS.

Eww gross, Josiah’s bloody stump!

Oh my god the crooked lady-lawyer! She’s into everything, isn’t she?

You can’t introduce a guy who dresses up as a furry and not make a high school mascot joke. Thus, Ava hassling Ella Mae’s furry client to get an invite to a fancy swingers’ party so they can look for Drew Thompson among Harlan’s elite.

The fact that Harlan has an elite makes me laugh.

This scene with Josiah/Drew, the crooked lawyer, the psychopath who cut his foot off and Raylan and Sheriff Shelby is marred by crap acting and direction. 1) I think having your bloody stump cauterized with a butane torch would hurt A LOT worse than Gerald McRaney is showing and 2) the direction is sloppy. Pacing is slow and there’s no sense of urgency from anyone.

It picks up, though, once Josiah reveals he’s not Drew after all and that the person who knows how to find him is in jail for trying to kill Raylan.

Sheriff Shelby and Raylan are working a solid vibe. I’m going to miss Sheriff Shelby when Boyd inevitably blows his head off.

Gutterson!

No, Gutterson, it is not a good thing you never took your pants off! Seriously, how did we get a scene that started with “everyone strip” and ended with Gutterson not stripping? We already suffer a shortage of exposed Raylan shoulders. Don’t deny us Gutterson, too!

Johnny and Colton rough up the dude who didn’t beat up the hooker. Johnny’s like, Whoa—Colton is crazy. Welcome to the party, Johnny.

Ava’s all tore up thinking Ella Mae is dead. So Boyd takes her to a scenic overlook and shows her a box full of cash. Such a romantic, that Boyd Crowder.

Oh sh*t, except he gives a sweet speech about buying a house and kids and he has a big-ass engagement ring in that box, too, and he proposes!

Such a romantic, that Boyd Crowder.

But since no one can be happy for long in Harlan, let’s take odds on how long before Ava ends up dead or in jail.

Raylan’s body count so far: 0/15
Number of times we saw Gutterson shirtless: NONE. IT WAS NONE. I AM VERY UPSET.