Mistresses Recap: Come as You Are…As a Friend, as an Old Enemy

Wait, no, that was bad! Bad, I tell ya! I mean, just about everybody on this week’s Mistresses went completely cray-cray: Karen got drrrty (hold the “i” and add two extra r’s) with the son of her deceased former patient/lover — or, from a different perspective, the son of the crazy beyotch who’s trying to turn her existence into a Lifetime innocent-woman-behind-bars flick. Richard unleashed his inner caveman (and not in the exciting kind of way that leaves April marking down the price on her showroom furniture). And Savi casually let Dom into her house not once, but twice — then was all “D’oh!” after Harry caught them in flagrante retail-ico and threw down his wrench (not a euphemism) in disgust.

Heck, Joss was the only one of our four protagonists this week who didn’t have true cahoots happening — despite a joy ride in a DeLorean and a trip to a kinky burlesque club where the dancers proved easier to take home than discounted Kias over President’s weekend.

Anyhow, let’s cut to this week’s shenanigans — and then delve into key questions that loomed as the episode came to its conclusion.

KAREN | We shake up our regular recap order this week and start things off by discussing Karen, who got her psychiatry degree from the University of Terrible Life Decisions at Berkeley. Karen kicks off the week railing against Savi for not returning her calls — when she’s well aware that Tom’s widow Elizabeth, who’s wrongfully suing Karen for wrongful death, is a client of Savi’s firm. (SMDH.) Not only does girlfriend reject Savi’s offer to recommend a good attorney, she then proceeds to allow her recent stalker (aka Elizabeth’s son) Sam into her office to discuss details of the case and her inexplicable lack of representation. Cut to: Some hot lawyer lady showing up after business hours and declaring, “Karen, I am your father attorney!” And Karen doesn’t ask about hourly rates or if Hot Lawyer Lady might be an undercover operative for Elizabeth or why she didn’t bother to maybe pick up the phone and call in advance. Nope, instead Karen freely admits she’s got no alibi for the night of Tom’s death. By the time Karen gets home, she’s in such a tailspin that I’m surprised she doesn’t decide to bypass the front door and just drive her car directly into the living room. But perhaps just as preposterously, when she sees Sam just, oh y’know, chillin’ outside her front door, she doesn’t call 9-1-1, but rather invites him inside. AND NOT JUST INSIDE HER APARTMENT — IF I AIN’T BEING TOO SUBTLE. Turns out Sam is the one who hired Hot Lawyer Lady. Sam is willing to provide Karen with an alibi. Damn, Sam (just like everybody else on this show) is lookin’ hotter than a scotch-bonnet pepper on a jalapeño puree. And then Karen touches Sam’s face — strange what desire (or a stalker in shining armor) can make foolish people do. And Sam goes right for the neck, and clothes start coming off, and Karen’s one step closer to an orange jump suit.

Key questions: If Karen needed some hot, inappropriate booty, why not call on her business partner Jacob or that hot insurance investigator or even April’s back-from-the-dead-and-living-in-a-motel hubby? Oh, I know, that last option is wronger than the phrase “Oscar Winner Kim Kardsashian,” but at least there’s no chance Paul might be secretly connecting intel for Elizabeth. Then again, is Karen smarter than I’m giving her credit for? Is she sleeping with Sam to guarantee his loyalty and put herself in a power position against Elizabeth? If so, she sure managed to go from zero to Cinemax-after-hours in about 30 seconds flat, no? (SIDE NOTE: Was Karen making “ecstacy face” or was it “the things I gotta do for an alibi!” face?) And is Sam really into Karen or his he a really sick pawn in his really sick mommy’s sick, twisted game? Speaking of sick and twisted, here’s a true confession: I was kinda rooting for the hookup by the time Karen and Sam were sitting there on the couch, and let out an involuntary “GRRRRRRLLLLLLL!” when the lip-locking began. (There, now you can admit it, too.)

SAVI | Savi kicks off the week lamenting the plinking of her shower, falling asleep on her office couch and getting the cold shoulder from Harry, who tells her she’s gonna have to learn how to do her own home repairs. Dom, meanwhile, steps into the role of “supportive and extremely muscular shoulder on which to lean,” delivering Savi’s brief case when she leaves it at her desk, talking her through her fears about being a single mom and even taking her to the mall for some down time, some food and some baby-furniture shopping. (Side note: Is there a human being alive who has ever sipped a frozen lemonade as sensuously as Dom?) Alas, though, when Savi and Dom get back to her house laden with the spoils of their day out, Harry’s there, having just fixed that stubborn faucet drip. “I have the worst timing in history,” Savi sighs as she watches her hubby make a hasty exit. But at least she has the good sense to ask Dom to go, too. And then a funny thing happens to the gal who allowed her chivalrous/possibly domineering spouse to open all the mail and fix all the household messes and do all the grocery shopping: She takes the crib out of the box and assembles it all herself. Yeah, sometimes a Sundvik is just a Sundvik, but in this case, it might just be Chapter 1 in a new book called How Savi Got Her Groove Back.

Key questions: How much did you love when Joss bumped into Dom and told him she’ll always wear a #TeamHarry t-shirt? And how innnnteresting was it the way Dom didn’t try to deny his feelings or his agenda, but rather declared, “Life’s a negotiation, and I’m a damn good lawyer.” And finally, this is more a reprimand than a question, but Savi, your office window has blinds, lady, so why don’t you close them before you try to catch some ZZZs in the middle of the workday! (Sorry, pregnancy brain is not a valid excuse in this situation.)

JOSS | A quiet week for Joss: Olivier asks for her help in convincing a kinky swinger couple that L.A. is the right market for their real-estate needs; Joss plans a hot evening out to help Olivier close the deal, but stops short of attending in order to spend quality time with Alex; Alex gets sick and Joss ends up dazzling said couple with a night at the burlesque club (with an excellent choice of Gin Wigmore’s “Black Sheep” blaring over the speakers; and Olivier responds by giving the clients to Joss, then inviting her back to his place for a nightcap. “No,” says Joss, who’s really trying to make this relationship thing work as magically as her orchid-colored date-night bustier. “Merci.”

Key questions: Is there a chance Joss might cave in to Olivier’s French charms? Is Olivier really into Joss, or is he still remembering his lustful feelings for Alex after their elevator encounter? If Joss is as good at her job as she appears, why is she always crashing on people’s couches or guest houses instead of buying a home of her own? And how adorbs was Joss’ childhood fantasy about sharing a dive-y NYC bachelorette pad with her big sis?

APRIL | After The Artist Formerly Known as April’s Dead Husband shows up outside Lucy’s school hoping to catch a glimpse of the daughter he left behind, April erupts. “Go back to your family in Florida,” she seethes, “You’ve got no family here.” Still, when she admits to Richard she’s not sure her tough talk worked, the chivalrous and adorable beau decides to take matters into his own hands — a decision that leads to a fist fight, and Paul’s subsequent decision to buy a GUN! (I’ll admit: Any dude who can lead a double life with two families, fake his own death, then breeze back into town and make actual demands about what he wants from his “widow” is pretty damn scary. Pair him with a side order of firearms, and I’m kinda terrified.) Anyhow, April tries to patch up the situation — while still getting Paul out of town — by allowing him to view a photo album of Lucy’s post-Paul existence. Whether or not said olive branch comes back to swat her in the head remains to be seen, but my guess is that that revolver wasn’t a red herring in disguise.

Key questions: Was April right to be angry with Richard, or should she have been thankful for his intervening? At what point in this situation would it be wise for April to call the police — or is the idea of having to give back that insurance money (and maybe losing her store in the process) too big a risk to take?

Week’s Best Quotes
“Kind of like Ricky Ricardo but with a different accent.” –Savi, describing Harry’s attitude toward her doing things around the house

“I could smell your Acqua Di Gio from two decades away.” –Joss, explaining how she knew Olivier was behind her

“Just so you know, I will never wear your t-shirt.” –Joss, telling Dom she’s on #TeamHarry

“Sorry, I forgot to go food shopping — for like the last six years.” –Savi, explaining her tragic fridge contents to Dom

“Michael J. Fox is a delight, no?” –Olivier, describing his un-ironic love of his DeLorean

“How did I get here? I can’t believe this is happening.” –Karen, clearly suffering from a bump on the noggin

OK, for the TENTH straight week, I’ve passed the 1,000-word count on an article about MISTRESSES! Let me turn it over to you: What’d you think of the show this week? What key questions do you have? Sound off in the comments! And follow me on Twitter for all my recaps, commentary and exclusive clips!