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Monday, 20 August 2012

Ahhhhhhh summer! That sneaky little whore. She shows up late, and already is showing signs of leaving the party early. There's lots of things I adore about her.....but mostly, my FAVORITE thing about summer is NOT having to get my kids up for school in the mornings! School mornings are hell. I am not a morning person anyways so those days when I have to get them up and out the door at some ungodly hour like, 7am 4am or whatever time it may be....and it's still night time practically and I have to get out of my warm comfy bed.....it's not pleasant. Gavin is just like me and I have to beat him out of bed, while Kohen has been up with the birds and already causing trouble and picking on everyone before we've even had a chance to have our coffee. Then I have to try and get them fed....which is always a chore. The options from day to day don't really change much; frozen waffles, toast, cereal, oatmeal.....yet every day I have to go through the entire list several times before they settle on the same friggen thing they eat every day. Two bites in and it's time to brush their teeth because I hit snooze too many times they're really slow moving and that brings on a battle. Most days I whip out the ol'mom trick "bring me your toothbrush so I can see if it's wet!" and of course it's wet, they ran it under water but didn't actually brush so it's a stupid thing that every parent does. Now it's really fun when it's time to get back packs ready to go and shoes on. Why does one shoe go missing every time? Just one. Like one shoe got taken off at the door, and then they wandered around for a while and took the other one off days later at some random part of the house, like under a cabinet or behind the curtain or something. Oh and I almost forgot....LUNCHES! I HATE making lunches! Nobody likes the same things.....pb&j sandwiches it is, 365 days a year then! You don't like it? Make your own stupid lunches! Annnnnd great, the bus is due to arrive in 4 minutes and they're still looking for a missing shoe. I finally get them out the door and am yelling at them to RUUNNNNNN for goodness sakes RUUUNNNN cause if they miss the bus, I'm gonna snap show. Sigh........the back to school countdown is on and it makes me sad.....summer, stay a little longer okay?

Sunday, 19 August 2012

Lenny is almost 3....and luckily, we never really experienced the "terrible twos" with him. But as we approach three, it's like a switch went off and WHAT THE FUCK he's into everything. The worst part about it is, he's one of those quiet trouble makers. He's a ninja of mass destruction. So the other morning, I'm in the shower upstairs and Barry is downstairs in the kitchen on his laptop doing some work. I get out of the shower, go and get dressed and head back into the bathroom to brush my teeth. On the way out I step in something wet and slippery...and white and kind of frothy. It's like a spray across the floor. Now everyone please get their head out of the gutter.....I know I tend to post inappropriate things, but seeing how this is about my two year old, let's not go there. Ha! You all went there didn't you?? It's okay...I did too. Moving on....instantly I'm like "LENNY??!!" and Barry yells that he's downstairs. Hmm...strange but okay! I finish up upstairs and head on down and realize that every wooden tread of every step on my staircase is also covered in a white spray....as well as my duvet and duvet cover that are hanging on the railing. What the heck?? So I keep going......and Jesus Jones it's EVERYWHERE. The hard wood floors leading into the living room.....the couch.....the coffee table....the side tables.....the kitchen floors.....the cupboards.....a stool in the kitchen....a bunch of shoes......the dining room floor.....a nice white splat on the back of every fabric chair in my dining room......the walls......I'm running room to room at that point, tears welling up realizing it's absolutely on every surface and every item in my entire house. Kohen runs up to his room and yells down "IT'S ON MY BED AND ALL MY POKEMON CARDS AND MY TOYS! AND A PICTURE I DREW THAT WAS MY FAVORITE PICTURE...LIKE....IN SCHOOOOOOOOOOL!" and Lenny meekly comes into the kitchen and says "it's okay! I put it back!" and I realize that he's tagged my entire house with SPF 60, waterproof sunscreen in a spray can. Now can I please emphasise the word waterproof. Do you have any idea how hard it is to clean waterproof sunscreen off of every item in your house?? I tried wiping up the kitchen floor which only made it smeared and shiny and slippery and overall worse...looking at the clock realizing I still had no makeup on and it's 9:20am and I have to leave in 10 minutes and I just start crying. Barry takes over cleaning up and shoo's me away to get ready. Now this all wouldn't have seemed so destructive if the night before Lenny hadn't dumped an entire jumbo size can of chocolate milk powder all over the kitchen floor. The day of the sunscreen, I get a text from Barry, who's at home with the darling children while I'm at work;

Barry - Lenny just dumped half a jug of milk all over the kitchen floor. I'm going to lose it.

We're still finding places that little ninja tagged a couple days later....dry crusty white puddles of sunscreen. The only method of removing them at this point......a spatula. But if I move the plants around juuuuuust so, I can cover them up alright! Out of sight....out of mind! Wait....where's Lenny??