We wanted to call on sex expert and author of Sex That Works: An Intimate Guide to Awakening Your Erotic Life, Wendy Strgar, to give us the real deal on the benefits of sex. Before understanding the benefits, Strgar believes to have the best sex you deserve, you must define the true meaning of “good sex.” “When you’re having good sex, you’re responsible for your sexual needs and have no problem asking for them,” she says. “Your sexual desires need to be responded to in a respectful way by a partner who cares about you. There’s a ton of sex that happens when people are just trying to prove something. When you give up trying to prove something, there’s space to really feel what it’s like to be sensual with someone. Your body will then become a symphony of sensation.” Read on for the amazing things that’ll happen when you experience good sex.

It Gives You More Energy

“Good sex gives you a free, safe, and wild energy,” Stgar explains. “You’ll explore different pleasurable ways with your partner. I’ve been married with my husband for 35 years and I have four kids, good sex makes me feel young again.”

Strgar defines orgasms as a system reset. “There’s a way that orgasms and deep sexual releases, whether it’s a clitoric or internal orgasm, resets your emotional, mental, and physical state unlike anything else we do,” Strgar explains. “There’s nothing else we can engage in that has the same reset capacity as sex.”

You Become More Comfortable With Your Sexuality

“You must have a foundational relationship with yourself sexually first,” explains Strgar. “All sex therapists talk about how important it is to know your own pleasure response. Then, you’ll have a sex language to share with others. This could mean touching yourself through masturbation or learning how to express the way you like to be touched and not being afraid to say those things. Your pleasure matters as much as your partner's.

“What I do know for sure is that no matter what kind of relationship women are in, many times worry too much if our partner is pleased. Women need to take the extra time for them to have their own pleasurable experiences. It’s so meaningful and can truly change the direction of your sex life.”

“Women who come into a sexual encounter really self-conscious about their bodies are probably not experiencing as much pleasure because they’re so anxious about how they’re perceived,” explains Strgar. “When you’re anxious about whether or not someone thinks your body is beautiful, it takes away your sexual power. You can’t actually get to the peak of your pleasure point if you’re worried that you don’t look good enough. When you become more comfortable with your body, good sex can boost your body confidence to a new level.”

It Empowers You

“When you actually know what you want when it comes to sex and are able to express yourself, it makes you such a more powerful woman,” says Strgar. “You don’t need to wait for whoever you’re with to make you feel powerful and sexy in the bedroom. This ability to be bold builds your confidence in every area of your life. Women who are sexually empowered go after what they want.”

“So many people will tell you that your sex life has an expiration date and when you live with someone for a long time you’ll lose the passion, that’s a bunch of bullshit,” says Strgar. “A lot of times we want to jump to talking out our problems—but if we’d just have sex first, then talk about it, the conversation would be way more productive.”

“[Sex makes you happier.] But not bad sex with someone who doesn’t care about you or with a stranger that you’re not comfortable to open up to, that makes you sad,” Strgar notes. “It’s also a cheap excuse to substitute our sex lives with. Sex with someone who actually laughs with you when you’re in bed, isn’t in a rush to get an orgasm, and wants to be playful with you will make you happier. Even if you don’t orgasm, it still makes you happier because you’re truly connected to someone.”