Long Lost Friends

The other day my Mom called me when I was in the middle of trying to get Annabel to eat her breakfast instead of use it to create abstract art.

“You know who I woke up thinking about?” Mom asked. “David.”

“Who?”

“You know. David.”

“From the bible?”

“No. David! Your best friend.”

“Unless I fell down and hit my head this morning, Mom, I’m pretty sure I don’t have a best friend named David.”

“Sure you do. From the second grade!”

“You woke up thinking about a kid I hung around with more than a QUARTER CENTURY AGO?”

“He was so interested in swimming. I wonder if he swam competitively later in life.”

“I can’t remember him ever talking about swimming.”

“Oh, he loved it. Because his father was a swimmer. Grandfather too!”

“If you say so.”

“Whatever happened to him?”

“I have no idea, Mom. I haven’t seen the guy since before ‘We Are The World’ came out.”

“Monica says there’s no way that kid is still alive.”

“Well, he did like to jump out of trees. I remember that much.”

“I think I’m going to look him up on the Internet.”

“You do that, Mom. And for the record? I think it’s weird you remember my childhood way more than I do.”

After I hung up I told Heather about my mom’s call. She laughed and said her mom also remembered things from her childhood that she herself had long forgotten. Many parents are this way, it turns out, and I can understand why – since becoming a parent myself the most interesting things to happen in my life have happened because of my girls.

There are two reasons for this. The first is because my girls are the da bomb. The second is because we parents dedicate ourselves so deeply to giving our kids a great life that we often set aside – or simply have little time for – our own life.

Growing up I hardly ever remember my parents doing things for themselves, and four years into this parenting gig I can see myself getting that way too. Hobbies and friends have gotten a lot less attention than they did before the girls. It’s tough. I want to invest myself in my kids’ lives as much as possible, but I don’t want to lose track of my own life either.

In an ideal world, twenty-five years from now I will call Annie and ask her about some kid she doesn’t remember, and then she will turn right around and ask me about someone or something from my own life that I have long since forgotten.

Oh, man. My dad does that. He remembers crap people said when I was 8 and often quotes it loudly in restaurants. Then he gets mad at me when I can’t re-enact the other side of the conversation. It’s awesome. Please do let us know if your mom finds David. I’m dying to know whether or not he swam competitively.

Leslie says:

Well, it’s entirely possible that he’s swimming competitively as we speak. And when you find out, how bad will you feel? Because, you know, he’s probably wondering why you’ve never come to cheer him on. His mother is most likely presenting this sad fact to him at this very moment, as she’s saying, “I wonder whatever happened to your very best friend Mike? Why has he never come to watch you swim competitively?” Really, I think you might be on the hook for his therapy bill. I’d like to help you out more, but I’ve gotta run and check Facebook for my son’s best friend in 1986. I’m wondering whatever happened to that nice boy. We really must catch up…

JustAMom says:

Haha! The other day, one of the neighorhood kids came over to ask if my daughter could play. I said “no, she is going over to her Grandmas’s house for a little while.” The little girl asked “how come she’s going to her Grandma’s?” I replied “so I can go out to dinner with my friend” she just looked at me puzzled for a second and said “oh, that’s weird. I thought parents didn’t have friends!” Interesting persspective from a six year old.

mp says:

Yes, I agree. That’s how it must seem to our children. As though we have no lives of our own, besides work of course. I really don’t like it. I know it would have been so much more fun for me growing up if my parents had had interests of their own. I am sure the lack of a “grown-up” life is what contributed to their eventual divorce.

Hubby and I are trying to keep ourselves sane by devoting time to hobbies more often. He likes cold weather sports, for example, and I try to give him time to do that by watching the kids. I like to read and go out with my sister, and likewise he tells me to take a day off on the weekend. And together we like to dance, so we’ve begun to enlist family sitters for that purpose. It’s sometimes crazy and stressful, but I do believe it’s very important for the health of the marriage and the family.

Besides, it’s no fun at all being the couple at a dinner party that can only talk about their kids!

When I was a kid I’d hear my grandma ask my mom the same type of questions. I always thought my grandma must have been the best parent ever for being so involved with her kids. Now my mom will randomly ask me about my childhood friends. I love it because it shows she was present and paying attention.