8. Don’t just carry mosquito repellant, plan on a tube per day and slather it on like it’s Coppertone in 1976. There is nothing more unattractive on flawless skin than itchy red polka dot blotches (except for maybe cellulite riddled floppy appendages slathered in mosquito repellant, but who cares).

7. Do not even think about visiting Thailand unless you have practiced and mastered the skill of throwing your leg over the side of a moving boat, hoisting yourself up using arm strength only, and carrying luggage simultaneously while keeping your clothes hoisted mid-cellulite riddled thigh . . . in a sauna.

4. Consider not haggling over a few baht. So what if you look like a gullible tourist and you spend an extra $1.00 on cab fare, you can whine about it over a Mai Tai in your pool villa later.

3. Yes, they do appreciate tips in Thailand and they do not consider it culturally insensitive when tourists give them money for excellent service. And on the topic of money, if you are going to Khao Sok, bring lots of cash.

2. Pack flip flops; everyone takes their shoes off when entering buildings (including mini-marts). Also handy when getting into long boats – not so good in leech infested jungle.