Why is Lindsay Lohan missing from the cover of the Mean Girls video game? Gretchen Wieners knows. That's why her hair is so big, it's full of secrets. [Perez]

Courtney Love Tweeted that she hung out with Jessica Simpson on Friday night and claims, "We chewed Nicorette." Courtney says Jessica is "hawt as hell" and that they "bonded." But Courtney asked Jess, via Twitter, "why the HE:LL [sic] do you chew Nicorette gum and are addicted to it yet have never smoked in yr life? Dude i do blonde things too."Jessica did not respond. [ONTD via Us Magazine]

Kristen Stewart flew to Budapest to visit Robert Pattinson, where SparkleVamp has been filming BelAmi. But the couple has left the country, repeat, the couple has left the country. Production on the flick has moved to England. [Radar Online]

Wait, what? Oprah and John Tesh used to hook up? And he walked out on her in the middle of the night because he "couldn't take" an interracial relationship? Whoa. This is just one of the secrets spilled in that new unauthorized Oprah biography by Kitty Kelley. [Radar Online]

Justin Bieber will perform in a shopping mall in Sydney, and will sing from behind a glass window, "for his own safety." But won't crazed fans of The Biebs just break the glass? [NY Post]

Avril Lavigne and Brody Jenner are so totally on; they got matching tattoos in Las Vegas over the weekend. He got a lightning bolt behind his ear; she got one on her forearm. And! Brody has introduced Avril to his mom. [Gatecrasher]

Heidi Montag's surgically enhanced and back-scooped "bikini body" is ready! Here she is in her first bikini pix with the new parts. [People]

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt went to visit troops at Camp Pendleton. [Perez]

Apparently when he started dating his girlfriend, Courtney Mazza, Mario Lopez encouraged her to work out with a trainer every day. Then she got implants and liposuction, and "once her body was perfect, he arranged for them to be photographed on a beach." Mazza is expecting a baby in September. [Page Six]

There's a new lady who is being accused of having sex with Jesse James. Merilee Gerth is a mother of two and a former employee of West Coast Choppers. A source says: "Merilee looks like all of Jesse's other mistresses: She's in her mid to late thirties, has long black hair, blue eyes, pale skin and is covered in tattoos." Some e-mails between Merilee and Jesse — sent in 2007 — have surfaced, in one, Jesse writes, "Need anything before I split?" and Merilee says, "Some Tums." Jesse replies, "I have some special fluid that you can drink and it makes it all better…" [Radar Online]

The film Katie Holmes is working on had a prop mentioning the Koran posted in public view, which prompted a protest by congregants of a mosque. The sign's been taken down and everything is fine, though. [Page Six]

Kim Kardashian is "quietly pitching" a dating game show on which she would search for Mr. Right. [Perez]

In January, the NY Times reported that Jane Lynch and her longtime girlfriend would get married in May; Jane says it's true that she's engaged, but as for marriage, "We don't have any plans at all yet. But I have a ring and everything. We're very happy and very excited!"[Us Magazine, NYDN]

It's the first anniversary of Susan Boyle's Britain's Got Talent audition, and she is £4 million richer. [The Sun]

Former Survivor producer Bruce Beresford-Redman and his wife Monica were in marriage counseling shortly before she was found dead in Mexico, not that that proves anything. [Radar Online]

Bruce Beresford-Redman has left Cancun, but remains under police orders not to leave Mexico. He's meeting with a high-powered lawyer in Merida, Mexico. [Radar Online]

And now the name of a woman who was having an affair with Bruce Beresford-Redman has been revealed. [Radar Online]

Jennifer Hudson and Leona Lewis have recorded a duet that will be the "theme tune" for Sex And The City 2: Just Deux It. [The Sun]

Alexis Neiers of Pretty Wild is being accused of stealing a club employee's ID and $200 while out at a club Saturday night. [TMZ

Erin Andrews is angry that the FBI hasn't arrested the man who recently claimed he would "love" to shoot her. [TMZ]

Jon Gosselin's lawyer says that Jon would do a show with Kate Gosselin "under the right circumstances." Dude. Ain't gonna happen. [TMZ]

Elin Nordegren was seen leaving Orlando, Florida via private jet over the weekend — without the kids. In addition, a source says that when she saw the Nike commercial with Earl Woods' voice, "she started to cry." [NY Post]

Pamela Anderson has "fallen in love" with South Kensington's" posh set." [The Sun]

Shakira has flown to Port-au-Prince, Haiti to meet children living in makeshift camps on a golf course; she also met with Sean Penn while there and her charity, Barefoot, is searching for suitable land in Haiti to build a school. [BBC News, AP]

Johnny Depp — who convinced Keith Richards to be his on-screen father in a Pirates Of The Caribbean film — would also like to get Mick Jagger to appear as a "pirate elder." Crazy how these guys get older but don't slow down… Time is on their side? [ONTD]

The seventh season of Two And A Half Men wrapped up last week, and Charlie Sheen said: "If tonight's show is the end for me as Charlie Harper, so be it." In other words, he could come back, or he could not come back. [NY Post]

Tila Tequila's new track, "I Fucked The DJ," will be out tomorrow. The clean version is titled "I Love My DJ." She raps, you guys. And sings. And moans, "I want to fuck the DJ." [ONTD via MySpace

Jay Leno's ratings are down in general from last year at this same time, but the median age of Tonight Show viewers has jumped more than 10 years, to 56. [NY Times]

Q: Is there one particular gig you're glad you didn't do?Tracy Morgan: Yeah, college. Because if I went, I might have ended up at some crappy job. I'm glad I dropped out of high school, man. I wouldn't be where I'm at. I would have had a net. I'm glad I didn't have anything to fall back on, man, because that made me go for my dreams that much harder. [NY Post]

"What am I doing to be a bimbo? I don't understand what I'm doing wrong." — Erin Andrews. [NY Post]

"I saw the script on the floor of Rob's apartment when I was staying on his sofa. I thought to myself, 'I could do this better than he could!,' so I called up my agent the next morning. They were kind enough to let me audition and apparently they saw something in me." — Actor Tom Sturridge has his friend Robert Pattinson to thank for his role in the new movie Waiting For Forever.. [Gatecrasher]

"It would be foolish to pretend there aren't similarities. There aren't many songwriters who can say he didn't shape their creative life. As a teenager, I gravitated to English pop-rock only to find they were [Dylan] fans, too. It permeated all styles of music." — Jakob Dylan, on being influenced by his father, Bob Dylan. [USA Today]

"My daughter made me realize if there's anything that's going to make a man of you it's having your will broken by a little girl." — Jude Law. [The Sun]

"I wanted to win this tournament. As the week went along, I kept hitting the ball worse. It was not very good. Today I had a two-way miss, and it's kind of tough to play when you got that, when you don't know which way it's going to go. I'm going to take a little time off and kind of reevaluate things." — Tiger Woods. [ET]

"There are no tights in this film. They weren't invented until quite a few hundred years after when the story takes place. We start our story in 1199. Tights don't come into play until the 1600s. I do apologize to those who will be disappointed that there are no tights." — Russell Crowe, on Robin Hood. [Reuters]

"The Internet is strange. There's stuff on the Internet about me. I've tried to find out who puts it there. Something about how I go around to hot-dog festivals, that I'm a champion hot-dog eater." — Christopher Walken. At the link, a charming story about him visiting his old neighborhood — and old apartment — in Astoria, Queens. [The New Yorker]

"For six months after Superbad, every script I was offered was about a nerdy character who was a virgin until the very end, when he has sex with some girl with fake breasts-cheesy, corny Hollywood stuff. I'm still getting those roles because, look, I'm not like a heartthrob or anything. But at least they're different kinds of nerd roles." — Christopher Mintz-Plasse, who is in Kick-Ass. [New York Mag]

"I don't have big dreams of anything or want for anything. Money to me has never been a reason to compromise. You're very free if you don't love money." — Sarah Silverman. [New York Mag]

"I can't be in my forties with pigtails and a football shirt. It turns into something different then… I don't want to be the comic who talks about race all the time. So I'm moving on to poop and pee." — Sarah Silverman. [New York Mag]

"I expect [retouching] because it's part of the norm now. Sometimes I feel that they over-retouch things and it makes people look funny. Of course, if there's a big roll of flab coming out somewhere that doesn't look flattering, sure, I'd love that to be lessened, but I don't like to look like a cartoon character, either. I think everything in moderation." — Fergie. [WWD]