Fleshlight Launchpad ushers in new sex craze

INTERNET — People have been fucking stuffed animals modified with fleshlights for years now, but until today the imaginary sex objects have remained totally inert. With the new Fleshlight Launchpad, you can easily fuck an assortment of apps available in the Apple store, from sensuous anime geishas to over-the-top tongue and tentacle monster simulations. The roboticized fucktoy, which is made of a special cum-absorbing sex rubber that feels so good on your dick, can expand even over your balls for that extra warm sensation — if you pay an extra $29.99 for the cumsucker deluxe ball massager.

As you strap the Launchpad into your Apple iPad, dubstep music drops and you bear down on the fuckhole. Hard. You hear exaggerated screams and shudders of joy from your ipad’s tinny little speakers. Showers of virtual cum spurt on the Bukkake bitch, and with each thrust of your two foot long dick she sinks a little farther into the cum puddle. Her skin is perfectly taut and shiny, like a fleshy balloon, and she is now drowning in your endless cum, but still begging for more. You jizz into the fleshlight in under twenty seconds, earning you the world record for stamina on the Bukkake Fuck Fantasy App, because this technology is just that fucking good no one has ever lasted that long before. It’s been months of hard work to get that high score, but it’s finally paid off. You are the world’s greatest Apple iPad fucker. You disengage your cock from the self-cleaning rubber fuck hole and your balls ache. Every last drop was squeezed out by the ball massager, well worth the extra money, and your testicles are shrunken like raisins ever since you started fucking the fuckpad.

Buy the new Fleshlight Launchpad and strap your dick into ultimate power.