Jesse’s Lost Journal — by Mark Patton

Entry 35, 1982

Time has lost all meaning for me. The light never changes here and the coming and going of people is not set to any sort of schedule. I thought perhaps they were trying to stop using drugs with me, when in fact everything I eat or drink has drugs in it.

There are no mirrors. They only way I have of keeping time is my body, which is now cover with cuts and markings letting me know that Fred is roaming at night. I can feel him inside me but he will not speak to me. I am very lonely, I think about my friends all the time and then the horror always comes back. What was I thinking when I killed Lisa? Why did I think Nancy would help me?

The Lawyer has just arrived… I can see him walking towards my bed but really I have no desire to wake up or speak to him. If I could roll over and sleep that would be fine… but I have one arm cuffed to the bed so that is not possible. He speaks. “Jesse, I am your Lawyer and my name is Stan. I need to talk to you now and it is very important. I have waited two months to see you and if you continue to refuse to see or speak to me I can not represent you.”

This breaks through my haze. Stan, I have never refused to see you, I have requested meetings with you in writing on many occasions. I do not understand anything that is happening to me.

“Jesse, you have managed in your young life to make some very powerful enemies. Let me begin with what is being offered to you by the court. You must sign a confession stating that you killed Ron Grady, you will be sentenced to a mental institution for a time to be decided by the court or you will be charged with all the murders and face life in a maximum security prison, perhaps death. Those are your options, in your confession there is to be no mention of a strange man killing and haunting you, I will write it for you. You will be diagnosed with a borderline personality and that will be that. You really have no choice here. The Judge has decided there will be no jury, no open court. The newspapers have a blackout on you and quite frankly most people in Springwood have no idea that any of this has happened. Money has been paid, people have left town… this was just a blink in time… you must decide.

If you need help in making this decision, you may speak to your Mother but as for your Father, he has been arrested for child molestation based on information gathered from your journals. Angela has been placed in foster care and will not be returning to you family… Jesse, it will only get more difficult if you do not accept this deal…

Do you understand? It has been decided that you are going to go away, you never existed…