The 12 Christmas Questions Asked at the Dinner Table As Told by the Office

It’s that time of the year again. You’ve been away for three months and now you’re reunited with this group of people you call your family. There’s mom, dad, brothers, sisters, grandma and grandpa and then the rest of the group that you probably haven’t seen since this time last year. They have missed you and they want to know more about you. More than even you wanted to know. They mean well – I think.

1. When they ask if you like college.

No, I hate college. College is awful with all that freedom to do anything you want. Who would ever like college? I’ve been there for four years, yes I like college.

2. When they ask about your grades and dean’s list and you somehow have to justify why you fell very short from the golden 3.5.

Listen Mom, college was easier when you went.

3. Are you dating anyone?

Do I need to be dating someone to validate myself? Seriously? It’s the 21st century, I just like being really alone and sad and INDEPENDENT.

4. When they ask about your drinking habits and you gotta play it cool because you don’t want to disappoint Grandma before she signs your check for Christmas.

But when she signs the check, let me tell you about that one time I ended up in NYC.

5. When they ask if the school has a gym.

Seriously, as if it wasn’t bad enough being here, now you’ve gotta comment on the 15 pounds. Yes, the school has a brand new state-of-the-art gym but you really want me to get a 3.5, get a job and workout? Pass me the mashed potatoes.

6. When they ask about your plans post-grad.

Woah! Let’s take one thing at a time here and talk about how I almost made Dean’s List.

7. When they ask who you voted for in the Election.

WE TALKED ABOUT THIS AT THANKSGIVING. If I say Trump, do I get kicked out this discussion? If so, let’s make Christmas time great again.

8. When they ask if you ever still talk to your ex who they thought the world of but you left to be single in college.

How many times do I need to remind everyone that I broke up with Tom to find myself? Ugh.

9. When the attention is diverted away from you and they start to ask the other, greater siblings about all that they have accomplished.

Sister, don’t you dare talk about the new self-driving car you invented again.

10. When they ask if you even have money to buy anyone Christmas presents.

I’m going to come into good money soon, just wait.

11. When they ask if you’re still going to Mass on Sundays.

Obviously. Sunday’s are meant for Jesus, not Gatorade and bacon, egg and cheese sandwiches.

12. When they ask one more time if you’ll be bringing someone special to Christmas next year.