There really is no one specific topic meant for this blog, I'm just gonna say whatever comes to mind. Just wanna share some thoughts, some things of interest, videos, music, poetry and I'm known to do a lil ranting and raving :) Whatever I may post, I will always be sincerely Symone...

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Sunday, September 25, 2011

Homeless

They say home is where the heart is, so, I'm searching for my heart because I wanna go home...
I was told I was heartless because I said I had nothing nice to say to my parents. But they abandoned me, no phone call, no letter, no visit, no effort at all...I don't even remember an "I love you." I do remember unkept promises, waiting for them to show up, crying myself to sleep, wondering if they think about me half as much as I do them...I don't know anything about them except what I heard and the fact that I wasn't important enough for them to not walk out my life. Why the fuck should I give a damn about them? I'm heartless because I resent the people who should have been there the most for me but weren't? Ok...
I've been called heartless and selfish...but when you feel like you're alone in the world what do people expect from you? I feel like I'm truly all I have at the end of the day and I gotta look out for the only person I have. Right?
I've been called heartless and mean because I say exactly what I'm feeling and thinking. I don't take into account the feelings of others before I speak my mind. I'm not trying to be hurtful, I'm just honest. Isn't that what people want though? No, they say they want honesty but they really want to think they're better than what they are, they only want honesty when it makes them feel good or benefits them. But I'm not here to please anyone on this earth and I don't have the time or patience to be worried about hurting someone's feelings....I mean no one gave a fuck about mine...
I lay in this bed tonight yearning to feel like I'm at home. I've always wondered what "home" felt like and I feel like I keep searching only to reach a deadend...
They say I'm heartless, does that mean I'm homeless?
They say I'm heartless but they don't know me, they're just assuming because it would taint my strong image if I allowed them to really know...
It's hard to love when everything you loved left, when you don't feel loved, it's hard to care when it seems they couldn't care less
To love and to care is to be vulnerable, to break down the walls that protect you...but all the anger in my heart won't let me deny the love, I love and I care, and it's deep...but I'm not a little girl anymore and I can't allow the feelings to make me naive or make excuses, if that makes me heartless, fine, and if being heartless makes me homeless I guess I'll just stay on the move...