Duggars share photos of their stillborn daughter

Now the Duggars, the family with 19 children and a TLC show who recently suffered a miscarriage, are being criticized for taking photos of their tiny stillborn daughter, which have made their way to the Internet.

Taking photos of a stillborn child is a way for parents to acknowledge and remember their child. We’ve written about this in the Times Union. But it’s not for everyone. It really should remain a personal and private remembrance.

62 Responses

Many parents take photographs of the children who are stillborn. I used to communicate on a message board with other women who experienced pregnancy loss and many of the women shared similar photos. It is not something I would choose to do, but I will not dictate how others choose to grieve their losses.

While I agree that this is a loss that the family encountered and I have no right to say what they should or should not do to help their grieving process (and I do think it’s very special that they honored their late daughter this way), I don’t agree with it needing to be out there for everyone to see it.
It’s a very personal and emotional time for the family, and many people who don’t understand what they have gone though may not appreciate it or accept it for the entire world to see.
I personally didn’t mind seeing the pictures, and almost started tearing up since I’m carrying a child that it just 2 weeks shy of when they lost her and it reiterates how precious each life really is.

I saw the pictures and at first I didn’t want to look but for what ever reason I did. As a mother of two (4 months and 20 months) my heart was breaking for her. I certainly did not agree with her risking having a 20th child but I would never wish this on anyone. What I saw were pictures that broke my heart and yet I understood the message that they put with the pictures. The Duggars did not show a full view of the baby but instead tiny little feet and hands being held by the parents hand. I did not find them morbid or grotesque. I personally could put bring myself to do it but its a personal way for the family to remember the little one:( They had to know that by handing the pictures out at the memorial service that they would end up in the media some how though.

This seems to be a practice that is more and more common and it is certainly not my place to ever criticize a parent who makes the choice to do so. The Duggars are very media savvy; they are listed as the producers of the tv show,they organize their public appearances and they had to realize that the photos would be released so they cannot become angry. I find their misfortune sad and it is too bad that so many people,usually women,are so upset and appalled by their personal choices. They are not on the dole,they are raising children to be strong and productive and what’s wrong with that??

It is a very common practice for many families and cultures. In fact, it was Victorian practice to take pictures of the deceased in various “living” positions (propped up in a chair, for example) if you had the means to do so. Ask your grandparents, they probably remember family photos of dead relatives.
In more modern times, we have the means to photograph many moments of life, and taking photos of dead family members was no longer a last chance to immortalize them. When parents take pictures of a stillborn child, it is their only opportunity to immortalize this person that has already touched their life in a profound way.

You may have issues with the Duggar’s but do not disrespect them at this time. These will be the only photos they will have to remember a child that Michelle carried for over 5 months. If it helps the family in their grieving process then let them do it. If you have never been in this situation you do not have the right to judge others actions. They were only sharing images of a precious little girl that was taken from them too soon.

I had a stillborn daughter after a full term pregnancy. I was able to see and hold her, but did not have a picture nor was I offered a picture being taken after her delivery. I can still see her tiny face in my mind, I am glad no pictures were taken, I could not see myself mourning over a picture for the rest of my life. I do have other children, and this little daughter is still thought of.

Lizzie asks: “They are not on the dole,they are raising children to be strong and productive and what’s wrong with that??” I will argue that they’re on the TLC dole and could not afford to raise all those children without the income from that TV show. And then there’s over population of Mother Earth, which affects us all. Sorry, I believe in zero population growth: replace yourself. If your hearts are so big and you want a dozen children, sponsor an orphanage in Africa. And yes, I am a parent.

Enough is enough –
This has gone beyond normalcy.
How sad that they are receiving this type of hype. My husband and I wanted a long time for our daughter who is adopted from Korea – We love her immensely as does any parent. These two need to stop and take all of their other kids into consideration and stop capitalizing on sympathy. They aren’t even parents anymore – they are babymakers who have taught their children to parent in their place.

I wouldn’t mind, really except these photos were clearly staged with a lot of thought and manuevering of the poor deceased baby. Who stages an elaborate photo shoot at a time like that?? I understand wanting some photos, and keeping them private and for one’s own coping, but this is way over the top.

i see no problem with them taking pictures of their deceased daughter. shame on whomever leaked the photos to the press since i honestly do not believe they were intended for the media. as crazy as i think the duggars are, i think people need to show a little compassion in what must be a very difficult time in their lives. let them be and grieve the way they need to grieve.

I don’t find it bizarre to have pictures taken of the baby, not me thing but not bizarre. Complaining it was released that is bizarre, if they didn’t want it to go public than they probably shouldn’t have made handouts or put it on their website.

I worked with a woman whose child was born full term but died minutes after birth. She had pictures taken the hospital actually put makeup on the child to make her appear (didn’t work) as living. It was beautiful and nice she had a photograph. However, when she returned to work she shared the picture and kept it on her desk. I can’t imagine the pain of losing her child but keeping the picture on her desk in the workplace was creepy. And it wasn’t as though she were in an office and the picture on her desk so all couldn’t see unless she showed you. No, she was in a cubicle and it was in full view when you walked by her space from both directions. After a few weeks it no longer bothered me. It’s a good thing because when I met my neighbor I had a whole new experience with this type of thing. My neighbor miscarried several pregnancies between 15 – 20 weeks and has photos of all those babies. It was her way of grieving unfortunately for me she liked to share the pictures.

As I said on the other blog, I understand wanting a keepsake picture..But these photos are obviously staged, not at all natural. All I can do is picture poor Michelle, having just miscarried her dead baby, with the photog (was it their daughter?) telling her “move this way, turn your hand that way” etc. It’s really gross to think about, and pure exploitation. They seemingly took these pics not for themselves, but with the intent to distribute them.

Speaking from first hand experience, photographs are priceless – it’s all we have when we’ve lost a child. I have a frame with the hospital pictures of all my children in it on my dresser (including my stillborn son). It’s been 28 years and it is the only memory I’ll ever have of him. I don’t agree with posting for the world tho, would they take a picture of one of their parents who passed and post that. If they were the ones to do it they should rethink this reality tv thing, if someone else did it they should rethink who their friends are.

Regarding those saying the photos look staged, these kind of photos usually are. I am a labor and delivery nurse who has helped several families through a demise. Our wonderful social work team brings a keepsake box to the room that contains handmade blankets, clothing and a hat, books, clay to make footprints, and a photo album. We have a digital camera and, if the family wants, we take photos. We will position the infant in the crib with blankets and a teddy bear. We’ll do pictures of mom and dad holding their baby. These people are mourning not only the life of this child, but everything this baby’s future held. They will never have holiday, graduation, or wedding photos of this child, so we give them the only photos they will have. The article states that the Duggars did not intend for the photos to be made public, which I believe. This really is a step in the grieving process.

Postmortem photos are common and go back centuries. Personally, I find them quite beautiful. That said, I don’t like the Duggars period and I hate that they are been glorified and made famous for having more children than they can afford…and whose paying for it? We are with our taxes. Somebody please spay and neuter those people already!

God helps those who help themselves…can you say birth control! Josie barely made it and now they lost another one in the early stages. She is getting too old to carry a child…her reproductive organs are wore out. Enjoy the children you have and enjoy your grandchildren…don’t try to provide playmates for your grandchildren. They seem like nice enough folks but they need to consider her health and the health of future babies. Goodness, don’t they have enough blessings?

As a Mother to a stillborn son, I think it is wonderful that they have photos and are ok with sharing them. She is still their daughter, had she passed away at say a year old, would people expect them to not share pictures of her anymore? I have my sons picture framed on the wall in my living room. I sure hope the Duggars can find peace as the Christmas holiday comes…. Very difficult time when you should be joyous you now are mourning. And will continue to mourn for the rest of your life. This family is in my prayers.

I thought the pictures were beautiful. And if that is what they needed, good for them. And by the way, they do not take handouts or welfare from the government. They buy second-hand and in bulk. They are greener than the majority of us.

A friend of mine lost her child to miscarriage. She had photos taken of the child. It’s actually beautiful. It was a chance to show their love for the child that would never meet them, and allows them memories that they actually can look back fondly of. You may think this family is crazy, and that is completely irrelevant here. Because this is not an uncommon practice, nor is it an unhealthy practice. Someone from the memorial service probably posted it with the intention of sharing the beautiful memories.

I don’t think people realize that this was done back in the 1930’s as well…I have pictures of two of my grandmothers stillborn children that was taken and hung on the wall so the family were keep aware of.
they are in black and white and are done in great taste…as these
pictures were of this beautiful angel…..Everyone grieves as they
greive….I think what they did was a family choose and no one has the right to challenge this….sorry because most are jealous of this
family I suppose them as they are not a burden on anyone ….they are \self supporting and have wonderful children….GOD BLESS you for your CHOICES……