EA is looking to own a few more souls to make their video games for all eternity.

Electronic Arts (EA) is leading innovator in the video game industry, continually finding creative ways to fuck their customers.

EA's marketing strategy is to piss off as many gamers as they can, and thus far they have been very successful in this endeavor. EA has a long history of fucking its loyal customers with such innovative tactics as shutting down their servers, unattainable achievements, online pass, and more.

However, gamers have become complacent, and just except the fact that EA is going to fuck them somehow. Realizing this, EA desperately needed a fresh new way to upset their loyal customer base so they introduced the Season Ticket.

The Season Ticket is a recent, desperate attempt by EA to scam their customers into paying for something that is useless.

EA claims the four features of the Season Ticket justify it's ridiculous 2000 MS point price. 1)You get to play their shitty games a whole three days early. 2) You get a 20% off discount on EA's overpriced DLC 3) You get to access "Premium Web Content" which essentially means "You get Shit", and finally 4) You get a badge that lets everyone know you were one of the assholes stupid enough to pay for the shit.

Apply Lube vigorously - because you are about to get fucked.

The Season Ticket's release has been subject to harsh criticism in the industry.

Many loyal EA customers ,who have happily accepted the fact that EA will fuck them year after year, are starting to feel the pain of their loyalty.

EA listened to this criticism seriously, and to soften the blow of their money-grubbing tactics have decided to release EA LUBE.

EA LUBE willease the pain of EA constantly fucking you. It will come in two sizes. The economy size (12 oz/ 340 grams) is meant for people who own only one EA game, and the regular size (55 gallons/ 208 liters) is highly recommended for everyone else. The cost has yet to be determined, but will certainly be overpriced. The shelf-life of the Lube is like EA's servers. It will expire in under six months.

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