Sunday, March 19, 2006

on putty. things to do with it.

*stretch it*cut it with scissors*snap it apart*press it onto jeans*taste it*make it into funny shapes and bounce it*ball it up*cube it up*squeeze it*throw it at Sam's face*take your fingerprint*protest the current shape of the putty and then proceed to change the shape of it*take a profile off a coin with it*make a bubble and then pop it*put it back into its egg holster*cook it into an omlette*flatten it*make it your friend*knead it*admire the current shape and or texture of it*use the putty as the inspiration for a list*re-enact civil war battles with it*fold it*name it Baxter*roll it up into a roll*even though it doesn't resemble a plane, fly it around making plane noises*smack it*get its number and don't call it in the morning*talk dirty to it*do other things between consecutive playings with it*rename it into an adjective like speedy or green*conduct an experiment to find out if putty ever dries out*measure the length of it*question its voting record*conclude that the buoyancy of it determines on its shape*after kneading the paper towel remnants stuck onto it after a failed attempt to dry it off, compare it to the blobs on the Ocarina of Time which take your shield away*if putty is of the glitter variety, attempt to extract the valuable glitter*cheat on it*rename it into an adverb like rapidly*observe how well it demonstrates entropy*oppress it*take advantage of it when it's compromised*pick it last for dodgeball*punish it by subjecting it to a week straight of christmas music*explain to it where putty comes from*explain the reasons as to why it is not responsible enough to own a dog*explain to it the defects of title ix*cheer proudly when putty hits its first home run*be jealous of its popuarity and association with hot girls*give putty an overbearing 10:00 curfew*get mad at it for not doing the dishes*withhold sex from it as punishment for it stumbling in late last night*pinch it*dismiss its rebelliousness as just a phase