Military families often find themselves on their own. In fact, sometimes a little more "on their own" than they would like. Along with the extraordinary sacrifices made by each member of the armed forces, much is also asked of every military wife, child, parent, and friend. Loving someone who has chosen to serve, means you too serve, in whatever ways required. So perhaps while you are busy being ² brave and independent²the following will remind you that help is available too. We need to learn to ask for help, just the same way one must learn to manage finances, organize households, move, care for children, handle legal and medical matters. Each a fine art.

People live a lifetime striving to become Independent, through determination . . .or by necessity. From the time we crawl, walk, or hold a cup: *Yaaay! [ Applause ] Look how grown up! See how independent?* We ride a bike, drive, work, travel, raise families, balance budgets. [More: *Yaaay!] But somewhere along the way it backfires. Seeking help gradually becomes foreign, excruciating, uncomfortable. Impossible, for some.

At any age, accepting help with grace is an Art. Recently addressing an audience of accomplished, sophisticated, 70-90 year olds, we discussed balance, independence, and occasional help. [ Human Nature Hint: It is infinitely easier to ask for help when we have recently extended a hand to someone else. ] Have you ever seen someone, arms full, struggling with the door? What did you do? You helped. How did it feel? When a neighbor"s child fell off his bike, did you run out with a band-aid and a cookie, brush him off, and help him back onto his bike? Of course you did. Ever visit a friend in the hospital? Few really enjoy hospitals, but did you kind of like yourself a little for doing it?

Getting a Little Help From Your Friends

1) Do all you can for yourself, but within reason. 2) Set realistic goals that will likely yield success. 3) Need help? Remember all the times you help others. Give friends, loved ones and co- workers that pleasure too. 4) Who could help get this done? 5) Ask for help with a confident, open smile. 6) Express your appreciation in words, a warm smile, a note or call. 7) Return the kindness in some other way, some other time. 8) If there is no way to return the kindness directly, put it in your *favors bank,* and spend it on someone else. What goes around, comes around.

15 Simple Tips For Refueling Your Life

Visualize the total energy and capability of the human system as a pie. (This pie has considerable capacity for expansiveness, but ultimately there is a finite amount of physical and emotional energy available for processing in any one of us in any given moment.) Draw yours, with slices pre-designated for energy to work, for day-to-day living activities like walking, eating, reading etc., attention to family and friends, energy for necessary bodily functions: breathing, digestion, circulation, immune function, etc., and a sliver "on reserve" for an unexpected crisis. Take an honest look, and now re-draw your pie including space for relaxation, social life, sleep, creative expression and play. Re-prioritize every day; and again mid-day if necessary. "Playing with my kids" may be the most important thing you do today. inside jobexternal internal stress

1) Make a To-Do list with only 3 items--But each delightful! Do all 3 of them this month. 2) Now make a Not-to-Do list of 3 things you may skip! 3) Find something broken--and fix it. Or arrange for repair. 4) Keep a jar of bubbles in your desk drawer. (Use them.) 5) Go to the library or surf the web for new topics you're curious about. 6) Choose a person or charity you really, truly care about, and find a way to help. Lick envelopes for them, visit shut-ins, make a donation. 7) Count your blessings, literally. (A great way to fall asleep.) 8) Start your day with a smile. Open a joke book. Play with a loved one. 9) Do something romantic. . .or impulsive. . .or both. 10) Ask 1 person /day, whom you wouldn't normally ask, how they are. 11) Plan a Playdate with 3-4 same-sex pals: Cards, Scrabble, Trivial Pursuit, Bowling? Shoot Some Hoops. . .Shoot Some Pool. . .12) Buy something in a color you like but wouldn't normally choose..13) List 3 *beautification* projects that can each be done in one day. (e.g. paint a room, organize a closet, highlight your hair.)14) Change your exercise routine: Take a class, change machines, walk a different route----- Shake things up!15) Tell one good friend a secret long-term goal. Ask them to gently remind you in 3-4 months to think about it a bit more. (Gently.)

So much about military life is requisite. And some days can be lonely. Sometimes there just aren't the choices civilians enjoy, but *attitude* is a choice. Finding ways to balance the frustrations and challenges, creating quality relationships and meaningful pursuits, is indeed always a matter of perspective.

Until next time, my warmest wishes that all your loved ones are safe and well, and for a bright New Year filled with great new possibilities, and as always, above all... Peace,

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