Wednesday, May 20, 2020

Jock Blocked - Pippa Grant

Call it superstition, but when a guy bats as hot as Brooks
Elliott, you don’t mess with what’s working. And what’s working is him keeping
his pants zipped and doing all of his scoring on the field.

So when I hear he’s planning to ditch his V-card now that
he’s been traded to baseball’s lovable losers—aka my home team and my reason
for living every March through October—I do what any rational, dedicated,
obsessed fan would do.

I make a plan to stop him.

But the thing about stopping him is that it requires
spending time with him.

Lots. And lots. And lots of time.

And the more time I spend with him, the more I like him. Not
as the guy who’s going to help save my favorite team and finally bring home a
championship ring, but as the guy who’s helping me in my quest to bring back
the team’s old mascot. Who also loves making pancake and bacon sandwiches. And
who would do almost anything for his love of the game.

But after all this time of jock-blocking him…do I even have
a chance?

And if I do, are we both destined to a life
of celibacy in the name of winning?

Jock Blocked is a home run of a romantic comedy
featuring the world’s most superstitious sports fan, baseball’s oldest virgin
hero, a rogue meatball, an adorable puppy with a cussing problem, and the best
lovable losers. It stands alone and comes with a happily ever after more
satisfying than a game-winning grand slam.

I never
meant to become a criminal. But in the grand scheme of life, I don’t think I’m
technically engaging in criminal behavior.

At least,
if it is, you could call it a crime of passion.

And I am very
passionate in my belief that while the Fireballs need to make changes to halt
their record-breaking streak of being the worst losing team ever to play
professional baseball, they don’t need to do it with a new mascot. Which is why
I decided to take two weeks off work and fly to Florida for spring training,
where I’m not saying that I’ve snuck into my home team’s ballpark after hours
to steal the worst proposed mascot costume, but I’m not saying I haven’t
either.

Meatballs?

They
actually let a meatball make the final cut.

I needed at
least another full season to get over the fact that the new Fireballs ownership
killed the last mascot, and here they are, letting fans vote on replacing
Fiery the Dragon with flaming meatballs.

I snort to
myself while I creep through the darkened concrete hallways with a flaming
meatball swallowing half of my body.

If you’re
going to steal a giant meatball costume, it’s best to act like you know what
you’re doing. And striding out of here with zero shame means two things—one, no
one’s going to stop me, and two, even if they do, I’m incognito.

It’s the
perfect crime to counter the crime of killing Fiery.

I’m one
turn away from the door that I left propped open for myself after hiding out in
the family bathroom after today’s game when voices drift toward me.

One male.

One female.

Neither is
familiar, but as I get closer to my final turn, I realize the voices are
between me and my exit.

No biggie.

I got this.

I can
stroll on by, flash a thumbs-up, pretend like I’m heading out to prank the
Fireballs at the team compound they’re all staying at, or to make a fast-food
run for publicity.

Acting like
I know what I’m doing inside this mascot costume is as easy as breathing. When
you’ve seen thousands of baseball games in your lifetime, it’s not hard.

So I turn
the corner.

And then I
suck in a surprised breath, because that’s Brooks Elliott.

Oh. My.
God.

Brooks
Elliott.

The
Fireballs’ newest acquisition. Like, so new he arrived yesterday. A
mid-spring training acquisition, which is practically unheard of.

He plays
third base, and he hits the ball like it’s evil incarnate and he’s an avenging
angel and it’s his job to send that evil into another dimension.

He could be
the reason we legitimately have a shot at making it to the post-season.

And I am not
going to hyperventilate like I did the last time I was face-to-face with a
baseball player.

Pippa Grant is a USA Today
Bestselling author who writes romantic comedies that will make tears run down
your leg. When she's not reading, writing or sleeping, she's being crowned
employee of the month as a stay-at-home mom and housewife trying to prepare her
adorable demon spawn to be productive members of society, all the while
fantasizing about long walks on the beach with hot chocolate chip cookies.