some folks call her handicapped, we call her our Wildflower Child

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Trust

How can we trust when sad things happen…things that seem totally controllable to God?

The definition of trust is a bit different then I realized. Websters puts it like this: assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something.

Trust doesn’t mean good things are going to happen. It doesn’t mean that you will understand. The character of God can be trusted, though. His plan can be trusted. Isolating certain episodes in His plan and deciding not to trust simply because those happenings do not fit our best personal agenda is not trusting. It’s not even valuable.

It’s not easy. This trusting. Sometimes it’s the last thing you feel. Circumstances shake your world and situations out of your control break your heart. If you can just look beyond the awful and the hard and the pain. If you can believe the next chapter may be different. If you can hope that joy will come in the morning, if you can trust in the character of God…then you have it all!

Over the past year my trust has wavered at times. Future dreams looked worthless. I kept hoping and praying but even that was rather half hearted at times. There were doors in my heart I would close because they were too difficult to look into and see the dream. Doors that seemed would never ever open again. And when the gentle wind of thought nudged them open, I would sadly click the latch again.

I’m still not exactly sure how to face broken dreams, because looking into their depths can break one and sink one into the deep abyss of depression. Not acknowledging them can leave huge walls that block out the sun and so much good waiting for us to embrace.

I believe in trust. Trust in God’s goodness through the sad and happy chapters of our life.

Giving my dreams to God has been crucial to survival in life. He created me with dreams and personal gifts and specific interests in life for a reason. Life may not fulfill those dreams the way I thought it would, but life is still beautiful. My greatest joy and fulfillment will be in Heaven when I will realize in a whole new level why I am created the way He planned. I will live in a fullness and completeness I only long for here. It’s what I was created for.

It’s what you were created for also!

We are in a wonderful new chapter right now. A tiny life is being formed and a tiny baby is coming to join us. One of those dreams I kept gently closing the door on, has opened. It is beautiful. It is amazing. It is a miracle. Every child is a miracle. And this on is no exception.

Kobe was beside himself with wonder and excitement when we told him he would be a big brother. “You mean I’m going to be a big brudder?” He asked incredulously. “But I never WAS a big brudder!”

And later…” I want a little sister. I want another Kierra. And I will tuck her into bed.” He is practicing on being grown up since he will be a big brudder. He talks about how the baby will sit in the back of the Jeep beside him and how he will give her (or him 😉) a bottle.

We don’t know what is the future any more the we know if this babe will be healthy or not. But we have peace! We have HOPE! We have an amazing awe spreading over us. It’s like we are wrapped in a cocoon of goodness and peace.

Sometimes you come to a place in life where God seems to whisper, “Trust me.” Sometimes you think you are crazy from a sensible, logical view. But every choice to trust is always the best one. God doesn’t always ask us to do what we think He will. He doesn’t always ask us to move out in big faith making a huge ripple in the faith pool. Sometimes His trusting is learned in waiting. Sometimes His trusting is learned in the Silence of God. Sometimes His trusting is learned in loss. And sometimes it’s learned in a beautiful new life.

There are so many variables. So many ‘what ifs’ but there is only ONE GOD . When Jesus says we can trust Him, then we can…. No matter what life brings us.

Congratulations!! May your trust and faith in God continue to increase. He, who cares for you like no one else can.. I am so excited for you and your family — Kobe will be a wonderful big brother. His caring heart has already grown way beyond most his age. I would so love to give you a big hug right now….so imagine we are face to face :)!

Oh my dear. I just love hearing about this journey. I really hope I get to squeeze and kiss your belly before baby comes. Maybe I can come be your nanny while you recover from birth? Hugs & love to you!