I fall into the last paragraph - adult children and grandchildren. We respect each other's space (not in and out of each others' homes all the time), but we all know that we're there for each other. My daughter has texted me a lot this past week to see if I'm doing okay after putting our precious dog to sleep. I appreciate that very much.

08-26-2013, 12:00 PM

ClosetRTWatcher

Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gutmutter

Our school district got a grant for all the teachers to get iPads and I got mine today. It will take a lot of getting used to, but I'm looking forward to learning.

That's great, I hope you find it useful!

Amazingly, our district has implemented a plan this year where EVERY student in grades 7-12 has their own iPad to use during the school year! I have a 7th grader this year, so I am very curious to see how it gets integrated into the curriculum.

08-26-2013, 12:42 PM

prhoshay

Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

Quote:

Originally Posted by Debb70

Prhoshay, ref. the letter from the attorney's office. I'm not licensed to practice in your state, so it wouldn't be apprpriate for me to give advice, but I would just suggest you have an attorney in your state take a look at it, just to be on the safe side. It sounds like they are trying to recover their percentage as their fee.

My thinking is based not only on the wording of the letter but, when I divorced him, he did NOT retain an attorney; he came into a meeting I had with my attorney at which time MY attorney asked him if he would agree to pay half the fee....and he agreed. If he had not agreed, I would have been paying the full fee. I did not pay the full fee, so I'm sure he got his money. In my current situation, made NO commitment or agreement to pay his union's attorney anything. No one from that office ever contacted me about anything. I plan to let the matter "lay"; they can get their money from the person with whom they made the agreement.

08-26-2013, 12:43 PM

echo226

Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

Quote:

Originally Posted by Debb70

Prhoshay, ref. the letter from the attorney's office. I'm not licensed to practice in your state, so it wouldn't be apprpriate for me to give advice, but I would just suggest you have an attorney in your state take a look at it, just to be on the safe side. It sounds like they are trying to recover their percentage as their fee

That is sort of what I have been trying to say, and I am not an attorney anywhere. When I was responding I was just thinking what I would do ... and as said I worry.

Quote:

SPEAKING OF KIDS WHO CARE:

May I ask how many of you ever do the following; As an adult child, do you ever do little things for your parents, especially aging parents. Like, if you live in the same town, do you ever offer to pick up their medications from the pharmacy for them, bring over a meal after they have had a surgical procedure, send a card or flowers when they are sick, pick up little items you think they may enjoy like bird seed for a dad who likes to feed the birds or candles for a mom who loves candles, or fresh fruit or vegetables for parents who love them?

And if you were an adult child or adult grandchild who FREQUENTLY visited these elderly parents to eat meals and snacks, would you likely EVER bring something with you such as a loaf of bread, a pound of ham or a quart of milk? Or would you NEVER bring anything to help replenish what you and your family consume year after year?

I'm just trying to figure it out.

And if you are the parent with adult children and adult grandchildren, do they ever bring you things or offer to help you? Do they call you and offer to help you after you have had surgery of while you are sick?

I was a caring adult child, and acted as my father's caregiver. I was a caring niece and Godchild towards my elderly Aunt ... who passed last year.

And I am a caring adult neighbor ... and as mentioned before, I volunteer at a senior facility.

I am not sure what you are trying to figure out ... but it has long been my opinion that how a parent or other person treated the child ... comes around.

I have seen all kinds of attitudes but it is usually based on the adult child's view of how THEY were treated and their view of how much they were loved.
If you consider the old saying about "when your parents become your children" ... well there you have it. They treat the way they were treated.

There are also those who go overboard trying to find ... still seeking ... love they think they didn't get.

I hope thall makes sense and feel free to use it in the book. :lol

08-26-2013, 01:12 PM

inthegarden

Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

Quote:

Originally Posted by AZChristian

I fall into the last paragraph - adult children and grandchildren. We respect each other's space (not in and out of each others' homes all the time), but we all know that we're there for each other. My daughter has texted me a lot this past week to see if I'm doing okay after putting our precious dog to sleep. I appreciate that very much.

I was wondering that too. :grouphug

I don't live in the same state as my mom but I do call and check in with her several times a week.
When I go for a visit, I buy groceries, do any odd jobs or heavy cleaning that needs to be done. During my visit in the spring and fall, I maintain her landscaping for her.
My sister lives in the same town as my mom. Her and her kids see her on a daily basis. My sister and I talk, and she keeps me up to date on my mom. Thankfully, my mom is very active and has a large group of friends that she goes and does things with. She is at the age where her friends are beginning to pass away, so we keep pretty close tabs on her mental health and make sure she stays busy.

08-26-2013, 01:18 PM

PGM35

Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

Yes, I do a lot for my parents. I drive 2 hours to pick them up to take them another 2-1/2-3hours drive to their dr's appts, then drive them back home then drive myself back to my home. We (my siblings - 4 others) send them money monthly to pay for various things that they need to supplement the income that they are living on. I pay for my dad's life insurance that he thought he'd cancel b/c he thought he couldn't afford it anymore. He's had it for years and years and I know it's not a fortune or anything but it will at least bury him when he's gone and hopefully be enough to pay for the house and other outstanding bills. My sister sends enough for his Parkinson's meds and my brother's send enough for other various monthly items. We see them at least once a month and I talk to my parents weekly if not every 3 or 4 days. :) They know if they need anything, I'd be there in 2 hours or less. :D My aunts (his sisters) live in the same town and although they are not very reliable, they will do what we tell them to do if necessary. They gave him the extra cell phone line on their plan so for emergencies, they have a cell. Which they answer when they know we are calling. If it's charged and they remember to take it with them. :lol

08-26-2013, 01:29 PM

inthegarden

Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

Quote:

Originally Posted by PGM35

If it's charged and they remember to take it with them. :lol

:lol
We put my niece in charge of that job.

08-26-2013, 01:33 PM

echo226

Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

It has been said that the bulk of the "responsibility" (excuse me for using that word) for aging parents, falls to a girl child in the greatest percentage of families. Is that true?

I just also notice at the facility that when males are involved ... sons, nephews, etc. ... everyone makes a big deal about it. They say how wonderful they are and all. Ther are female relatives doing much more and I rarely hear how wonderful they are, unless it's extraordinary. :lol

08-26-2013, 02:03 PM

Debb70

Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

Thanks for all the input. This is helping. I've been noticing things over the last couple of years within my family and I wanted to make sure I was accessing things correctly. My parents have a neighbor who about their age and I have noticed it with her as well. She has two adult children and two adult grandchildren.

Over time I have noticed that while I'm doing stuff all the time to make my parents like more enjoyable and less stressful, most other in the family seem to NEVER give it any thought. One day I had to argue with my brother about bringing them a soda. He earns a very good living and I offered to reimburse him the money. He still showed up without it.

I just don't understand how you go shopping every weekend, but never return and say hey mom and dad, they had pillows on sale and I saw how flat yours are so I picked up up some nice fluffy ones. Or I know you use a Tracphone, so I picked up up a card with $20.00 of time on it.

And if your elderly parents invited you for meals at least a couple of times per week, wouldn't it ever dawn on you to take a dish, bread, a salad, desert or something?

My mom had outpatient surgery last week. I took her and brought her home, prepared meals for her and daddy, got meds, groceies, cleaned house, and they called to see if she was serving them meals the next day. lol She told them they could come and have a sandwich. They showed up with nothing in hand, no card, no food, nothing.........

There are 9 adults I am referring to. The only ones who do anything are church or work friends. It's really pathetic.

I doubt I'll do anything about it. The adult children were spoiled and catered to by my parents as children. They were handed most everything on a platter. I wasn't. lol Somehow, I learned how to treat people.

Oh, I'm considering buying my parents a new bedroom suite, tv, patio furniture and taking them for a trip to the beach. (I'm not trying to buy their love. I know I have it.) Then when the others comment say, "You never know how long you will have your parents. It's important to me to do things for them while they are here with us." I still bet they wouldn't get it.

I think this "I don't care about my elderly parents' attitude is really prevalent. My mom describes how some of her friends are treated. How can you have 5-6 adult children and none of them show any concern for your welfare or even drop by to take you a bag of food when you are are disabled? It boggles the mind.

08-26-2013, 03:36 PM

AZChristian

Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

Quote:

Originally Posted by inthegarden

I was wondering that too. :grouphug

Thanks for asking. The first week was really hard . . . 13 years of being together almost every day ingrains habits that I'm now having to break. Like on Thursday when someone rang the doorbell, my first instinct was to turn around to her dog bed behind my desk and say, "Hey, Sleepyhead . . . why aren't you barking to warn intruders not to mess with your Mommy?"

But now that it's been over a week, I'm not thinking "last week at this time we were . . . "

We should be getting her ashes in another week or so. I'm thinking that will be a hard thing, but I will be so glad to have her back with me.