Need advice. Want to reach out to ex boyfriend mom....

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missairy18 wrote:

So I’ve known my “ex bf” for some years now. We have been on and off quite some time but now I’m six weeks pregnant. Ever since I’ve told him I’m pregnant and keeping it he’s been very distant, he doesn’t even respond to my text.

I am thinking about reaching out to his mother. One, because I never met her and I’m carrying his child. Two, because she needs to know how he’s son is acting. I am hoping that we can build a relationship nevertheless she could talk some sense into him.

But advice! Should I reach out to her? I am a grown woman 27 but my mom even suggested she reach to his mom because my mom mentioned he might get mad at me. But obviously he doesn’t care if I’m mad or not. He’s showing he doesn’t care at all.

I suppose it depends. If you’re just contacting her to tell her that he’s not doing what you what, or to try to get her to influence him, I think that’s pretty inappropriate. He’s an adult (presumably); his behaviour is not under her control and is not her responsibility.

If you’re contacting her to say “Hi, I’m missairy. I think you have a right to know that I’m pregnant with your son’s child. If you’re interested in being part of the child’s life, please contact me at (email, phone number, etc)”, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

Reaching out to a woman you’ve never met before will not solve this problem. Her son is a grown man. I understand wanting your baby to have a relationship with the dad and grandmother, because family is a wonderful thing. However, shouldn’t your ex make the choice to be involved on his own? If his mom tries to “make him” pay more attention to you and your pregnancy, wouldn’t that feel forced? Maybe the shock of the pregnancy is still new to him and he’ll come around, you don’t know yet. Either way, this is something he needs to assess on his own and with you, not with his mom

I don’t think it’s a bad idea l, it could turn out really well... but... You should only contact her if your intentions are for your child to have his/her grandparents in their life. You don’t need to tattle on him or try and convince his mom to do anything. If you reach out to her it’s for your child to know their grandparents, that’s all, don’t have expectations of a miracle happening and all of a sudden your child has the worlds best father. It’s for your kid, not you.

Even tho you've never met her, does she know you exist? Like was he open about your relationship when you were together? Just saying, this might impact how she reacts. But yes, I'd reach out to her if you want her to be part of the child's life. Not to pressure her son into doing anything or being involved.

Completely agree. If you would like her to know she will have a grand baby and if she would like to be involved to let you know that's perfectly fine but please don't think reaching out to her to tell on her son will help whatsoever it could possible do the opposite. All moms are very different and some will support whatever their child feels regardless of the right or wrong and he is grown as well so she has no responsibility in his decision making. good luck to you mama to be.

I think it sounds like he had made you mad and so you want to tell on him to his mother... that may not be what’s going on but it sounds that way and that would definitely help nothing. He is the one you need to talk too. He may not be happy about the baby but it’s only been 6 weeks so might still be processing it.

I would reach out but only to let her know of her unborn grandchild. Because that’s his mom, she may always be on his “side” and likely won’t want to hear anything bad about her son. So I would refrain from telling her how he is acting. Just keep it about the baby. Then when baby is born if he treats the baby in the same manner, then maybe mention to her and she could possibly talk some sense into him.

I wouldn’t tell a stranger I was pregnant at only 6 weeks. Not to be a pessimist but anything could happen, that’s really not very pregnant at all. And I would never in my life reach out to have someone I didn’t know “talk sense into” another adult.

So in a nut shell, you want to tell on him to his mommy?? Yes, that is as immature as it sounds. No one can make him want to be involved with you. If it didn't seem like he was interested in committing to you before, pregnancy does not magically change things. He has a 'right' to some space- I'm sure he has a lot going through his head. That doesn't excuse the fact he should be more respectful, but I'm sure you know who you're dealing with and probably aren't incredibly surprised by his actions. Hopefully he turns up, chooses to be a good father and does the right thing for the sake of the child.

You are still very early. I'd wait till you get further along- maybe at least wait till you have your first ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy before you tell his mom. I'm sure it would be best if it came from him, but if he doesn't tell her, then yes. You should come up with a DELICATE way to let her know.... you know, as if having a baby is a blessing, and not trying to use the information as a bullet to make him look bad. She's not going to want a stranger telling her she's pregnant and then going off on her child. It's just unnecessary drama. You have to deal with this man for the next 18 years. You don't want to start off your coparenting relationship negatively.

Lastly, your mom should stay out of it. (No offense to your mom whatsoever- I know my momma bear would definitely want to come out if I were her!!) but You and your (ex?) are grown people. You made your own choices and should manage your own lives and your own issues. Your moms should not be brought into your problems.

you have a long way to go. Take a deep breath. Slow down. Everything doesn't have to be figured out right this second...

I think that is overstepping to call his mom, whom you don't even know. You're only 6 weeks pregnant. Your ex may need time to process the news more before he is ready to tell his mother. He should be able to share the news with his mom when he's ready.