My participation in this year's Eurovision Song Contest in a nutshell...:)

Friday, May 11, 2007

At last, I found some strength...

The last envelope started with an 'M'. I hoped it would be Malta. But it wasn't.

I kept staring at the screen, oblivious of what was happening around me. All of a sudden I felt tears pouring from my eyes. All the pressure and worries of the past three months suddenly caved in on me. It felt like being hit by a huge block of stone falling over from a cliff.

All around me I could see my Maltese friends looking shocked and sad. Everyone who had dedicated so much time and work, saw it disintegrate in a matter of minutes.

Mark tried to keep his cool as best as he could. He collected my things and we rushed to the hotel, running away from it all as fast as we could. I went to bed fully clothed, make up and all. I must admit that I spent my first few hours in bed crying and languishing in sleeplessness.

Feelings of immense guilt began to seep in. Could I have done more? Wasn't I good enough? What will the Maltese say now that I have not managed to qualify for my country? These are just a few of the thoughts which kept haunting me throughout those painful moments.

Finally I slept. Soundly.

I woke up at the sound of the door knocking. Sleepily I came out of bed and opened the door.

It was mum and dad standing there with tears in their eyes. I knew they were heartbroken. But they tried to hide it as best as they could. Mum is a tower of strength, especially in the difficult times. I hugged her as I did when I was a little girl afraid of the dark.

She said 'Olivia, life goes on. You were wonderful and the Maltese loved you yesterday'. I thought she was saying all this to comfort me, to make me feel good.

Then I opened my blog, trembling at the thought of what I would find. 70 comments came up for me to read. I read the first one, then the next and the next.

Was I reading my own blog? How could it be that after I had failed to qualify, the Maltese were sending me all these messages of support. My eyes swelled with tears, this time tears of joy and gratitude to God for making me Maltese.

It was at this point that I found the strenght to write this blog. I want to thank all of you who have been sharing my life for the past few months. You have been great company to me especially when the chips were down. I am so grateful to all the Maltese people who have shown such love and support.

We did the best we could, but we didn't qualify. And I'm really sorry for this. But Eurovision is like that. You never know what you're going to get.

I look forward to coming back to Malta, and to hugging Milly again. I want to breathe Maltese air again. Hopefully I will be doing so again on Sunday. :)

I have to go as I'm slowly but surely starting to pack. And there's a lot to pack. Believe me.

You are really really gr8 Olivia!! Dnt take any notice of what people might say .. maltese are like that, first they glorify and then they criticise ... there's nothing to criticise you about .. you were just PERFECT the way you were and the way you sang ... and it was the best choice we could have made in MSFE .. so dnt u ever thing that there were better songs which could qualify .. yours had everyhting .. but of course, you can never tell how peple will vote ... so dnt be sad cause all of Malta is still after you, we sent you there and you made us porud tom present such a talented girl in Helsinki :)

ALL PEOPLE READING THIS .. LETS NOT VOTE IN TONIGHTS EUROVISON. MY COUSINS IN ENGLAND AND SPAIN ARE DOING THE SAME THING AND THEY ARE NOT THE ONLY ONES. THEIR FRIENDS ARE DOING THE SAME THING. IF THIS IS WHAT THE EUROVISION IS ALL ABOUT THAN AM SORRY TO SAY BUT WE SHOULD NO LONGER TAKE PART. OLIVIA I SUGGEST YOU TELL ROBERT TO GET MOVING AND NOT BE THIS CALM - TELL HIM THAT WE WANT SOMETHING DONE ABOUT THIS. WE ARE SO PROUD OF YOU. XXXX

Olivia, you were great in the semifinal and you should not blame yourself or your team for anything. I would personally prefer to see Malta and Austria in the final instead of Moldova and Hungary, but Europe voted different. I'm from Slovenia and my country finally made it to the final this year for the first time in four years. So don't give up, there is still hope for small countries with little or no support from the neighbors! Be strong!

I just wanted to say well done for your performance in the semi final!! it was super! i honestly don't understand why our country didn't pass, but i've never been prouder of a maltese entry. I've taken part in MSFE this year, being chosen with the 1st 35, but then wasn't chosen with the last 14. I was soooo glad that a gr8 song like urs was chosen! You deserve far better than Eurovision! Don't 4get that Malta loves u!

Hi Olivia,I'm writing to you because I saw your performance last thursday. I'm a spanish boy. Malta was not one of my favourites songs, but when I saw the show, I said... "It's perfect... Wow, Malta". Since 2002, I never hoped a good classification to Malta, and I was sure you could get it.

You didn't classified. It's not your fault Olivia. Western countries has no chance in the Eurovision Song Contest, but you were perfect and your performance will be remembered in the future. Not only in Malta! Come to my fotolog and sign me a picture, please. Muakkkksssss!!

olivia, plese don't cry. i love you and your song.i voted for you but there was'nt enough voting i think.and i want to say that "you were great last night"again,again and again thank you very much for your nice show.

Olivia Myself and my daughter in United Kingdom watched you in Semi Final I called to vote for you twice ! Beautiful song perfectly performed you lit up the stage.We love you here sadly Eastern block voting is killing the Eurovision but action we hope will be taken soon.I felt so so sad like a knife in heart when you did not get thru but trust me we love you and we are English and you did a fantastic show.Keep going promise me....God bless you Olivia xxx Rod (U.K) xxx

WELL DONE OLIVIAI agree with the ones who said that this is a balkanvision. My idea is NOT to vote for the other countries tonight so that maybe we raise the issue that we are not happy with the way the system is working because the winning song should win and not the country with the highest neighbours!!!!

Thanks Olivia for making us proud to be Maltese. We are a small Island with lots of talented artists, and it is not fair that we get treated that way. I think even tough you try to overcome what happened and all Maltese are behind you still got hurt that you did not make it. Take Care and see you tomorrow in Malta.

You were wonderful at the Semi-final. Your dancers, your stage performance and the song were the best of the night. I sat watching the results being read out, waiting for the name "Malta", and was shocked when I didn't hear it.

Every year the best songs do not make it through the semi-final. You were the best.

Be happy with what you did and know that your performance and all the work your team put in touched people across Europe and beyond.

Dear Olivia , You were great , your performance was fantastic , you shouldn't blame yourself . It would have been great to see you win but like your mom said life goes on ... Theres always a second chance , I know we'll see you perform again on the ESC stage ! We're proud of you !

Ol, this has been one of the worst weekends in my life.. I'm seeing your pure brilliance of a performance on you tube and can't believe that the stupid East block voting has truly robbed you from a chance to perform tonight in the final.. If everything was fair.. then the whole of Europe would have listened to your beautiful song- Vertigo three times :)...and you know what I mean... we still love you Ol.. xxx you were the best

HELLO! SANDRA GRIMA HERE AGAIN FROM MALTA. I AM WRITING IN ENGLISH SO IF THERE ARE ANY FOREIGNERS READING THIS, THEY UNDERSTAND THE POSITION OF MANY MALTESE PEOPLE.ALL OF YOU WHO LIKE ME LOVE MALTESE MUSIC AND FIRST OF ALL MALTA ,DON'T SEE THE EUROVISION FESTIVAL TONIGHT, OR AT LEAST IF YOU DO, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING OF ALL : DO NOT TAKE PART IN THE TELEVOTING! I KNOW OTHERS WHO ARE OF THE SAME OPINION INCLUDING ALFRED ZAMMIT OF KALAMITA, SO PLEASE IF YOU LOVE OLIVIA TONIGHT DO NOT VOTE! THANK YOU . OLIVIA KEEP IT UP! AND SEE YOU TOMORROW, AND MAY ALL THE EUROVISION BUSINESS GO TO HELL!

I DEFINITELY AGREE WITH THOSE WHO ARE BOYCOTTING TONIGHTS EUROVISION. DO NOT VOTE. AND NEXT TIME, I WISH THAT JOE DEMICOLI WRITES A SONG MOCKING THE EUROVISION AND LEAVING ZOO TO DO THE VIDEO. WHY NOT???!!!!

Big compliments and a kiss from heart for a wonderful performance. All Maltese may be proud to be represented by such warmhearted and soulful singer. It will be my great pleasure to hear more songs of you. Best regards from Switzerland.Eric

Olivia you're one of the most amazing and talented artists Malta has ever known. your performance on thursday was absolutely brilliant you made all your fans very proud. Dont be discouraged by the result, it wasnt a matter of you not doing your best. I'm sure that everyone agrees that it was the result of a very low level of fairness in the competition. WE LOVE YOU AND YOU WILL ALWAYS BE OUR WINNER!!!

There are many requests in this blog asking people not to vote. But do your really believe that the points given during the night reflect the televoting done? I have never believed it. And I am sure that even if nobody votes tonight Malta will still give its votes! Televoting during Eurovision does not exist!

Olivia, believe me - we were hoping with you that the last envelope was Malta and when it wasnt - we too went to bed heartbroken but not because you didnt pass - we went to bed with a sad feeling because you DESERVED to pass.

You made us PROUD irrespective of the result and we are waiting for you with a great sense of PRIVILAGE to have someone as BEAUTIFUL, BRAVE and TALENTED that identifies herself as Maltese.

Dear Olivia, after i read your blog i must admit that i was reading with a teary eye.. exactly just how was when i was watching you sing on Thursday. You looked amazing. You had it going girl.. Please don't discourage yourself you are still young and very sure that you have a brilliant future ahead. It was not meant to be.. All I say is that no matter what happened or what might have been you made us proud just like all the other singers have done before you. You had nothing less. Keep that wonderful smile always upon your face and take care always Christine xxx

Dear Olivia, after i read your blog i must admit that i was reading with a teary eye.. exactly just how was when i was watching you sing on Thursday. You looked amazing. You had it going girl.. Please don't discourage yourself you are still young and very sure that you have a brilliant future ahead. It was not meant to be.. All I say is that no matter what happened or what might have been you made us proud just like all the other singers have done before you. You had nothing less. Keep that wonderful smile always upon your face and take care always Christine xxx

I AGREE WITH WHAT PLECTRUM SAID. EVEN IF NOONE VOTES THEY ARE NOT GOING TO SAY SORRY WE HAVE NO VOTES TO GIVE. WE SHOULD VOTE FOR UK, SPAIN, SWEDEN EVEN IF YOU DONT LIKE THE SONGS - THIS IS WHAT THE EUROVISION HAS COME DOWN TO AM SORRY.

Hi Olivia hope that your much better today after you had a day for yourself and to relax and forget about what happen on thursday. You where great out there and as usually you gave it not 100% but 200% or more. It's not you fault that you didn't pass to the final. All Malta and Gozo was talking about you friday. I was Gozo to do my job as i work as a sales rep and trust me in every shop i went in to collect my order as usually i heard the name "Olivia miskina ma kienx haqq hekk", "Ma nafx alfejn nibqa niehu sehem", "We should not vote on saturday", "Olivia was waiting for this for a long time and now that she madein in malta she didn't made it from semi final she disevers better". and much much more all good comment only very few where not good but most of them where good.

We're still happy and proud of you to be maltese.

Take care Olivia. ALL the maltese love you and we never forget what you done for us.

Olivia, You are just wonderful. I'm sorry that your heart is broken but you are strong. You will overcome this. You have not let anyone down.I hope that you will continue to update your blog. It deepens the connection you have with your fans and wins you new ones such as myself.Best of luck to you.Lots of love from the U.S.A.!

I didn't manage to watch the Eurovision... but I'm not sure whether to consider myself lucky or not... what I do know is that I spared myself frustration and anger at what seems to have been an unfair outcome. Now that I'm watching the final, I can't believe Malta is not on that list... and to think that instead of listening to a glorious voice filling the stage, I have to watch stupid dancers wiggling their bums to make up for the lack of talent of their lead singer... oh well, we do deserve better, don't you all think? Olivia, we believed in your song, still do, and you should really really put all your efforts in getting exposure elsewhere... in markets that REALLY count. We're with you all the way! All the best from a maltese in the UK

PEOPLE DONT VOTE TONIGHT - TILL NOW NONO OF THE SONGS ARE BETTER THAN OLIVIA'S AND ITS NOT BECAUSE AM MALTESE BUT ITS TRUE. ALL MY ENGLISH FRIENDS HAVE TOLD ME THE SAME THING. WHAT A SHAME - WE SHOULD START ORGANISING OUR OWN!!!!!

hi olivia..im no a great fan of the eurovision...but when i saw you on stage i was realy proud to be maltese...you didnt deserve this..your song was one of the best..but thats why i dont realy like the eurovision...some times its not fair and every one knows that...Unfortunately we don’t have any neighbors ..like all other countries...keep it up and dont worry every one knows you

Look i think Olivia performed well, its just that we need an EXTREMELY catchy song! not sirious but fun and jolly! I think this yrs Eurovsion kind of SUCKED ASS! i mean, serbia one! Serbia was O.K but boring! manafx, either we send a gr8 good fun song up next yr we just dont particiapte at all.

Hi olivia it me again, the result from thursday shows that somethink very quickly has to be done about the voting system cause, Malta came 25th place with 15 points only, this shows that there's somegthing wrong and NOT YOU.

KEEP it up never give up in life, we have to be very strong and i don't have a doubt you look that your a strong person. Your voice is wonderful so that's one thing that should keep you going on.

Olivai I know alot of people visit wour blog so I am going to thank Netehrlands for their 7 points, Albania for their 6 points and UK for their 2 points!! These are the only countries that seem to have some music taste!! I'm maltese and never belived in a song as much as this and thought that you and serbia will fight for victory and Serbia won u managed 15 points in the semis!! Is europe going mad or what? I think you gave them Vertigo and couldn't vote for U and our song hehe seems it was too good for them!!!

As for Maltasong, plase invest in ALBANIA in upcoming Eurovision if we will be there!! Last year they voted for us and this etar too :) I simply love that country!! And even Netherlands which like you Olivia they were robbed from a place in the finals!! :) Goodluck for d future, I think Eurovision is now too good 4 ppl who have tried it b4! Leave it to new comers to garn experience becuase it is useless going for 2 loose!!

Olivia I cried when Malta didn't pass into the finals. You had such a beautiful outstanding performance. Your vocals were great! I was so excited to see your country pass instead of mine (Macedonia) I wanted you to be in the finals. You deserved it! Vertigo is the ONLY song I love from Eurovision. One day if I achieve my goal as a singer I would be honored if I had your permission to re-do your performance in dedication to you.

I'm a male so I have to wear a different out fit hehe :\ but Olivia DON'T feel guilty :( I don't want such a beautiful person with a great voice be depressed over a contest that will never know what they lost! Europe is just afraid of competition! They're afraid they will lose to an amazing performance like yours! All I can say is this! It would have been better to have tried than never tried at all... because if we didn't make that first step to perform at Eurovision we would spend the rest of our lives wondering what could have been.

I'm real glad that you've achieved that first step and performed at the semi final! You will always be a winner! ALWAYS! I hope one day we could keep in contact. My email is shifty_jordan@hotmail.com - it would be great to hear back from you. Take care. God bless!

p.s. should check out myspace profile :) it has a song you're very familiar with... I'll give you a hint "I give and you take, I made one big mistake, and you run and I hide, loving you keeps me..."

also I wanted you to know I support you so so so so much! after watching the semi final I cried my eyes out! I was devasted! I wanted you in the final! you were the best! you were a true winner in my eyes! that is why I would one day like to re-do your performance/song in honor of you (with your permission/also when I achieve my goal as a singer) your song and performance will LIVE FOREVER! I hope to hear from you! shifty_jordan@hotmail.com - hope to keep in contact! take care! VERTIGO is #1

As you can see Malta still voted for the Final - even if not one person voted we would still have given our votes - the Televoting thing is just a cover up. Imagine this: when the televoting takes place in Malta for the Malta Song For Europe it takes a very long time for the votes to get counted. For the Eurovision, miracle of miracles, it just takes a couple of moments and its ready! Come on! By the way I just saw the scoreboard of the semi-final at http://www.eurovision.tv/addons/scoreboards/2007/semifinal.html and guess what - Malta got just 15 points! Does anybody with any logic believe that Malta just deserved 15 points - having had such good press reviews and good positions in polls?!! Televoting does not exist for the Eurovision -its as easy as that!

You were great and I really admire your humurous character. KEEP IT UP AND ALWAYS KEEP YOUR SMILE. I think Malta was all after you, you gave a good performance together with the best choreography we ever had.

aaaaa I just arrived from the airport. God what an atmosphere!!! You're great Oliiii! And like the message that I've left you (with your dad) - "I think that you're one of the few Divas that we have here in Malta!"

hey olivia!!just want to tell u that that yr show was spectacular!!! it was d best performance ever presented by malta, & d 'packet' was perfect. great song & great voice! u r still a winner in our eyes coz u did yr best and u rocked it =)

OL DONT TELL US THAT YOUR NOT GONNA BLOG COZ WE LOST D EORO VISION NUMBER 1 THEY WERE BLOCK VOTES NUMBER 2 WHAT HAPPENED TO ALLEHARES SOME1 GIVES UP COZ DELL GET NOWERE KURACC AND I DNT THINK TODAY THE PEPOLE SAID THINGS AGAINST YOU.YOU TGHOUT ME LESSONS WITCH ARE:NEVER GIVE UP,ALWAYS SMILE AND HELP OTHERS AND ALL MALTA LOVES YOU LOVE U LOTZXX:ANTONIA

I was really upset to see that you didn't qualify for the final this year. You did an amazing performance and it's such a shame that this wasn't reflected in the results. Please keep trying - I think you were born to perform on a Eurovision stage. Or if you fancy a change, maybe you could represent the UK next year? You would be more than welcome now that Malta gave the UK 12 points last night :)Good luck with everything you do!Best wishes,Theresa Collins

P.S: I was on holiday in Malta last week and thought that your concert at the Valletta Waterfront was absolutely superb!

Hi Olivia.I believe this was going to happen, sometime or another. Personally, my opinion about the eurovision has changed ever since a few years ago. I'm sure that all the Maltese appreciate the talent we have in Malta, but it would take quite a miracle to win, as the tele-voting is so obviously unfair. The situation might be better if judges had part of the votes, but this way, "and 12 points go to our neighbours...". Anyway, I wanted to say that the performance was great. All the Maltese know that you gave your utmost, as did joseph, jes, backing vocalists, etc.Don't ever feel that you let us down! It was the best performance and the song was great. Here in Malta, everyone is saying the same thing, "Kemm hi brava Olivia,Alla jbierek". Keep it up. If not in the eurovision, you have a future with us, in Malta. Everyone loves you, truly.Take care, Malta is behind you all the way through your career.Don't ever stop singing!

I have no idea if you read this, or if you'll even bother replying (probably not..) - but I just wanted you to know that I'm a 20-year old Maltese guy, moved to Scotland two years ago to study at Uni.

I was watching the Eurovision at my girlfriend's house, and (out of patriotism!) I voted for you - and we all expected that final envelope to be 'Malta'. Me, my girlfriend and all her family were cheering you on, and the amount of texts I received after the result was overwhelming. Many of my Scottish friends sent texts of consolation and dismay, and most of all, desbelief.

I just wanted you to know that it's not just Malta that's with you. It's all of us over here in Dundee as well!

dearest olivia, first of all thankyou for the wonderful journey to helsinki, that we all got to share with you.now olivia, we in australia thought you were fabulous, we enjoyed every second of your act.be strong because we are so proud of you. we all love and respect what you do.hope to see you permorm live when we are in malta next year sincerly

Well done, Olivia, for a great performance on Thursday - and also for looking after my friends, the Schlagerboys, so well! There will always be a very warm welcome here in Birmingham for you - and all Maltese people, especially after giving us 12 points! How about releasing an album of all of your Songs for Europe?

HI Olivia,You've done us proud. The competition was so unfair. You have one of the best voices not only in Malta but in the world. Your experience showed up on stage on thursday. There were things which could have been better to be honest....some of the filming shots, some of the choreography especially the input by the swedish dancers/backing vocalists was not up to scratch. But as you see.nothing to do with you :-) Presentation wise I would have focused more on you and made use of more eye contact. Now I don't know who took care of presentation and filming.......

Even if you had qualified for the finals, you wouldn't have won the contest. Your song and singing were good - but Malta's chance of winning is always very slim. You did great so be sure to know it's not your fault and most of all IT'S NOT EVEN IMPORTANT. I mean the winners of the Eurovision don't ever amount to anything anyways - except ABBA and Johnny Logan and the guy who sung Volare.

Hi Olivia. I have met you sunday at night at the Al Mare restaurant. Sorry I was so short but when you looked at me I sort of paniced and I was to excited to talk to you. you made me feel sort of dizzy. Good Luck for your Future!

Dear Olivia... Eurovision Song Festival Organisers should be ashamed of these 'fake' results... Everyone knows that the best songs did not qualify for the finals... what happened? isn't anyone opening an investigation? These people should be ashamed! You were the best performer on Thursday!!! Keep it up and do not let this opportunity get you down!! WE ALL LOVE YOU!!

Hi Olivia,You were fantastic and your voice enchanted the arena. We loved you before the eurovision, and we love you more now that we know how unfair and cruel the eurovision has been with you. I was glad to hear you say that you will be in the Song For Europe again, and I'm sure you will be our ambassador once again, and all the people around Europe, who have seen how you were eliminated, will surely vote for you and we'll win.

We wish you all best of luck of the world. God sees everything and knows everything. So be sure that he knows what he's doing. You'll be rewarded.

Many best regards from all my family.Josephine Ebejer Grech (Marsaxlokk)

Olivia, you really impressed so many people all over Europe with Vertigo - you are a wonderful performer, and final or not, you won many more fans last Thursday. Don't worry about last week - it's a tiny part of a very long and happy career for you. Eurovision is definitely not the be all and end all of music, and there is so much opportunity out there for you to grab with both hands. Good luck in everything you do - I have a feeling people love you even more for trying your very best.

I happened to stumble upon this site and decided to comment... Eurovision is not about the best song winning or about the best performance! I'm sure you have been told this a million times before but I feel like saying it anyway hehe... Eurovision is all about luck and politics, laden with uncertainty! Plus, stlyes and opinions of the televiewers change every year! One can never know what to expect but nevertheless, I'm sure it was a fantastic experience, despite everything. It's not the result that matters as I'm sure you know.

This is a message from Belgium. I am a man aged 41 and a great fan of the Eurovision Songcontest. I watched it since I was a little boy all the way back to the early 70's when as Dutchman I saw Teach In winning in 1975 with Ding a Dong. I can tell you that you performed the most beautiful song at a E.S. ever. Never before did I hear such a beautiful song on an E.S. then Vertigo. It is a total disgrace and shame that you did not even made it to the final. I am amazed and totally shocked and outraged. I shall certainly visit the shops here to find your CD. Thank You for being at the E.S and singing the best E.S song ever! I shall always remember this.

Hi OliviaI’m so sad that you didn’t get through. Your performance was amazing!All my votes were for you! Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough :(I listen Vertigo and watch the video everyday, every hour!Kisses from Turkey!...Emre

Olivia,I'm an American who only recently have discovered the many, many joys of Eurovision (one of very few Americans, sadly)—and you have been one of those joys, not just because of your singing (which was awesome), but because you've seemed so wonderful a person in this whole thing. I admit I discovered you through the schlagerboys blog, and I'm so, so glad I did. All the best, always. :-)

Hi Olivia, I'm Spanish and I must say that I didn't know anything about you nor the Maltese song. However, when I saw you performing, I thought that Eurovision really have good artists, and that is what I felt from your performing. Great performance, great voice, great overall. You must be proud of that. If I were Maltese, sure I were proud of your performance.

Here in Spain you have a new and inconditional fan. Good luck in the future!! ^^

olivia was awsomly awsome in the eurovision but we have to admit some stuff. if we were instead of serbia and those other countries. would we do the same? i think its a yes, which is a shame but we are all human beings. and always remember in every contest there must be a winner and unfortuantly a loser. we lost, but so what, its not the end of the world. Olivia is still a winner because she won the malta song for europe! Malta and Gozo will always love her and talking about me, i will always admire her! the sad part is, Vertigo was a winning song but against the neighbouring countries we had nothing. so in the future, if Vertigo didnt pass the Semi Finals, WHAT SONG WILL???