Time to "MAKE MYSELF MY HOBBY" - From 2005 to 2008 I lost 42 kgs and things went wrong in my life with my mum and work and went in to major depression. I am trying my hardest to get back in to it and doing it for me. Going to "Make Myself My Hobby".

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Thursday, 23 March 2006

OK...

I am only supposed to do 3 days a week and this week my boss from Auckland asked me to work Thursday to help out with a back log and I said yes because I wanted the money..... but I just had enough today.

So I went for a walk tonight at 5.50 to 6.30pm and I did 3.8 kilometres Wohoooooooo 800 metres (hill) and did it in 40 minutes. Sunday night I did 3 km's in 40 minutes. I was soooo happy that I achieved the 3.8 kms tonight I was on such a high when I got back... it got rid of my stress level too. I was boogying on down to my mp3 player he he he he. People must have thought that I was weird that is for sure he he he.

Anyway back to my day at work... I can't figure out my boss. (or ex boss) one minute she is confiding in me and the next time she is like not wanting me to know anything. I was in her office today until my office is sorted and she shut the doors to the room and said "can I have a bitch to you and can you be a sound board? because I know it won't go any further" OMG I was gobsmacked.... and of course I am not going to mention what it was here because I am not allowed to let it go further he he he but I felt privelidged that is for sure. But still confused as to whether she likes me or not because sometimes you just can't tell.

Today was another slap in the face for her because I don't even do my timesheets to her anymore and she has no say in what I do or how I do it. Wow it feels strange. I don't want to go to work and feel like I don't fit in either so I am struggling with the emotional side of this this week. I still answer the phones and help customers out because it just feels wrong for them to be ringing and for her to be out of her head with stress because she can do my old job and her Manager's job as well..... I mentioned that to her today and she said that I should not worry about it all because she will cope if she can and if she can't then they will certainly find out and something will be sorted.

Every Thursday in our L.E.A.N class they weigh and measure us and I lost on the scales (which wasn't suprising) but I had lost around my middle 3.6 centimetres woohooo I was sooo happy about that today. Oh so I did my lean class hour today and my walk. And a year ago I would have felt sooooo bad after that but I feel quite exhilerated by it.

The next L.E.A.N is event training and it is a 10 km walk. This 10 km walk is worrying me that is for sure. I want to do this but scared that I am pushing myself too much for the first marathon (walking). I am also doing the Huntly Marathon walk of 10km in the end of May. I am soooo scared, but I am not going to sit back and think what if... I am going to do this walk.. hey it is just a walk afterall and I am going to achieve something that is out of my comfort zone.... if I didn't challenge myself and do this then I will regret it and if I thought that before I went to the L.E.A.N course I wouldn't have done that either and I wouldn't be feeling as great as I am now.

Watching the Biggest Loser tonight 2nd season and it just motivates me so much. I would love LOVE to be on the New Zealand one.. (if they ever have one) that is for sure. I think of this event training as the same as being on The Biggest Loser... it is sooo out of my zone but I have to do it and there is no excuses and if I was on the show then I would have to do the challenges.

So I have to get up at 5.30am again tomorrow to do my Personal training session with Crusher and I am looking forward to it... it will be nice to do a one on one. I have to talk to her about how I can prepare for this Huntly Marathon. I wish I had a person that walked the same as me and same speed to go on the Marathon with... hubby said he would go with me but I don't think he really wants to go.... oh well.

Why am I so scared of doing this? It is consuming my thoughts at the moment hmmm.

2 comments:

The fear is the unknown hun! You haven't done one before so of course you have your fears - they are only natural! I was like that when I did my first "offcial" 5km walk! You will get such a buzz when you complete the 10kms!Love ya