This past weekend, my friend Kimberly and I went to the Sonoma County Fairgrounds to experience the weekend-long music festival Country Summer.

It was FUCKING hot.

I nearly melted into a puddle of sweat and self-tanner, it was that fucking hot.

John Michael Montgomery, who wears all black – black jeans, black longsleeve shirt, black cowboy hat, had to leave the stage and douse himself with water HE WAS THAT FUCKING HOT.

Needless to say, most of us festival goers dressed more appropriately, but I would like to bring up the titillating trend that I noticed at the festival – the tendency of women to wear cutoff jeans shorts with THEIR BOOTIES HANGING OUT!

You think I jest, here’s proof. . .

Yes indeed, a snapped a surreptitious photo of one of the more dramatic women I saw there.

I couldn’t help myself.

It was just there, like a mound of jello, waiting to jiggle.

And I kid you not, she was not the only one.

There were numerous women I encountered during the day whose booties were hanging out for all to see.

It’s takes a brave woman to let the whole world be your gynecologist!

Nevertheless, I’m a firm believer in “Flaunt it if you’ve got it.” So I heartily support this fashion trend.

I went to my 25th high school reunion and by and large REALLY ENJOYED THE MUSIC.

I went in with low expectations, basically hoping that I’d meet a friend or two and catch up.

And I did!

I caught up with Kimberly, who I hadn’t seen in over a year.

I ran into people I recognized and people who I’d totally forgotten (sorry Eric and Jason).

But once again I was reminded of online dating – where the focus is on making small talk and getting to know the details (married, kids, job, where you live) etc., rather than making a real connection.

But by far what took the cake was running into a high school classmate who literally couldn’t stand to clap his eyes on me.

He was the one in the fancy suit who was posturing about, looking important with his wife who was obviously trying WAY TOO HARD.

Mentally, I rolled my eyes. HARD.

Meathead in high school, meathead in life.

Some people never change.

But oh, the ones who had!

One woman had so much work done she was UNRECOGNIZABLE!

By and large, I was impressed with my classmates as a whole. People I barely knew in high school chatted with me and shared their lives.

They were friendly, fun, and obviously as stunned that we were at our 25th HIGH SCHOOL REUNION as I was.

The music, performed by a band of alumni led by my friend Mark, was out of this world good and I was as impressed with Mark’s vocals as I was his good-natured response to an alumnus from 1986 taking over his microphone to scream the lyrics to “Don’t You Forget About Me.”

Priceless.

But what really capped off the evening, and I mean REALLY, was me going up to an old professor and shouting, “Hey! You taught me how to type,” followed swiftly by the expletive “fucker.”

OMG.

I may have been referring to the time he gave me an unwanted, unsolicited, unpleasant backrub in class.