Speedos and birth control

Week one is behind me and I found out a few things about myself, one of which is most unflattering. Even though I dropped 2.2 pounds it seems I am now carrying the weight of unconceived children everywhere on my shoulders. Let me explain.

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By Guy Mathews

Wayne Independent - Honesdale, PA

By Guy Mathews

Posted Jan. 14, 2013 at 10:00 AM
Updated Jan 14, 2013 at 10:59 AM

By Guy Mathews

Posted Jan. 14, 2013 at 10:00 AM
Updated Jan 14, 2013 at 10:59 AM

Week one is behind me and I found out a few things about myself, one of which is most unflattering. Even though I dropped 2.2 pounds it seems I am now carrying the weight of unconceived children everywhere on my shoulders. Let me explain.

I received a fan email the other day for my first article. If laughter could help a person lose weight, I would have lost 20 pounds. I will not mention who sent the fan email to me, just that she is a wonderful lady with a great sense of humor. A lady I consider to be a good friend, kind person, and all around good egg. Her email read as follows:

You are funny and I wish you well on this weight loss program. I know you will do just fine.

Speedo???? What the f#*% are you trying to do, cause blood clots to form? If you didn't have two beautiful daughters, I would say you could be a good model for "birth control" in a speedo.

Not that I have ever seen you in one, just saying.

Any way I enjoy reading your articles and wish you well on the weight loss, Michelle also.

Take care,

(Name omitted to protect the truth teller.)

With friends like this, I am not needing enemas!

Truth be told, it this kind of humor and honesty that is needed in the world today. The very thought of me in a Speedo is enough to make me have nightmares. I can not imagine what it is doing to the minds of ordinary citizens who read our paper.

The fact remains however, at one point in my life when I was over 280 pounds. If it ever occurred to anyone to say, "Hey, you should lose some weight. You are a heart attack waiting to happen." They never did.

People sugar coat things and this does not help matters. It only strengthens the lies we are living. Whether it be weight, dress, personality, attitude or whatever. Maybe if more people really said what needed to be said, the world would be a better place. I doubt it though, people do not want to hear the truth. They want pretty little lies instead of the plain old ugly truth.

The ugly truth is, I am overweight and I intend to do something about it even if it kills me. While Michelle had a great first week, we both no from past experience, it gets harder. Now we need to hang on and simply strive to lose one or two pounds per week by following a healthy diet and increasing our activity levels. No magic pills, no fad diets. Just the ugly truth of knowing we have a long road to travel. Plus, we are going to stretch this Speedo joke as far as we can.