Wednesday, September 17, 2014

eViL G's September 20th Picks

At the
urging of one of my 26 followers, I bring you an abbreviated weekly picks
column this week, featuring a school I love and another school I hate.

And with
apologies to Dorothy Williams in Jacksonville, it’s not Hate Week, but some of
this week’s adult language is essential to the plot.

So let’s do
this thing….exactly two….

PICKS!!!

Clemson at
Florida State

Jameis Winston….doing all he can to make Johnny Football look like Mother
Theresa off the field.

Recently Jameis took a break from his rigorous course load of nine
credit hours at The Florida State University to entertain our future leaders and
retail assistant managers of this great nation.As the story goes, at the urging of no one in particular, Jamies stood
on a table at the FSU student union and yelled, “FUCK HER RIGHT IN THE PUSSY!!!”

Given what Winston’s gone through recently, this is analogous to O.J.
Simpson yelling, “SLICE THE BITCH UP AND KILL HER PUNK ASS BOYFRIEND!!!” at a 1995
USC booster function.

Apparently a good number of FSU students didn’t initially recognize Winston
uttered those vulgarities, because they could clearly understand the words that came out of his
mouth.But it quickly became obvious to
everyone Winston was the culprit, because university cops working at the
student union immediately looked the other way.

SEC Network ran with the story immediately, and everyone had a good
chuckle when Paul Finebaum had to explain to Tim Tebow what that phrase
actually meant.

None of this matters, as FSU thumps Clemson without Winston playing
the first half.It just goes to show
what an idiot Jameis Winston is.

·Shoplift crab legs from Publix, where shopping is a
pleasure: Suspended 3 baseball games

·Encourage the student body to do what he did (consent
optional) – miss the 1st half
vs Clemson

Charlie Ward should punch Jameis Winston in the face
next time he sees him.

As far as the game goes...

Noles – 34

Tigers – 17

And finally...

Florida at Alabama

So which is
it Gator Nation?Is Kentucky Football legit,
or has Florida reached another level of sucktitude under head coach Shrill
Musclecramps.To increase the likelihood
of being correct I’m going with both.

Musclecramps
needed the Kentucky win much more than this game.He got it, and his seat is hotter than it’s ever been.

Four years
in the program…FOUR…and with the best offensive coordinator UF’s had since Dan
Mullen, Jeff Driskel still looks lost at times.Thank God for Demarcus Robinson, who from all accounts has stopped
partaking in activities that violate team rules, even if those activities are
legal in Washington and Colorado.

UF finding a
go-to receiver seems to have coincided with UF needing some playmakers in the
secondary.Gator defensive backs got
abused repeatedly in the second half, most often by a freshman wide receiver playing
varsity tackle football at the University of Kentucky.That’s like MIT losing a science fair to West Virginia. Amari Cooper is already open.

And while Bama’s
QB’s aren’t exactly lighting the world on fire right now, none of their QBs are
named Jeff Motherfucking Driskel.

Advantage Alabama.

Waiting for
Jeff Driskel to miss a deep pass, not recognize an obvious corner blitz, hold
on to the ball too long before getting sacked, or throw a 4 yard pass on 3rd
and 12….well, it’s a lot like having sex with Jameis Winston.You can kick, scream and object to it all night long,
but you won’t stop it from happening.

Matt Jones
looks mortal this week against a real defense, and Driskel continues to Driskel
against a real defense.Vernon
Hargreaves suffers a season ending back injury from carrying the entire secondary.Demarcus Robinson continues to shine while
Clay Burton and Latroy Pittman combine for at least three drops.Kyle Cristy averages 62 yards on 11 punts.

Nick Saban
gives a dry press conference afterwards.

What
everyone expected to happen, happens…UF gets fucked right in the pussy.