Okay, I finally tweaked this recipe to perfection. It's a bachelor-chow variant of the Cashew Stir-Fry mentioned earlier.

Boil a packet of ramen, then drain it completely and stir fry it with 1/3 packet of Oriental Flavoring, 2 Tbsp House of Tsang Szechuan Spicy Stir Fry Sauce, and 1/2 tsp Dave's Ultimate Insanity Sauce. I like DUI sauce because it's so hot that you can use it in small enough doses that it doesn't make everything taste mexican. (If you use regular Dave's, use a full Tsp.) Once everything's stir fried about right, add 1 egg and scramble it into the mess for a bit of protein.

Warning: stir frying habanero sauce will make fumes that sting your eyes and give you coughing fits. It's worth it, though. Run the fume hood fan. It won't help, but it will keep people from thinking they're clever for telling you to run the fume hood fan.