The Winged Freak Action Figure-advertisement

"Now available from most discount
toy stores, it's The Winged Freak Action Figure. The most
populularmovie series, ever, is now a proud member of The
Super-Heroes Action Squad, joining Hinge Man, Rack Woman, and
Half Man, Half Woman Boy, to make up the four-person Super-Heroes
Action Squad. All four are taken from the four movies of the same
name, which are, coincidentally, all from the same movie company,
The Heave Corporation. Our Winged Freak Action Figure
looks...looks...well, suffice it to say it looks like a reject
piece of plastic that's been through a fire (trust us; that's not
how these toys are made!), but because it looks butt-ugly and is
virtually unrecognizable as a super-hero, criminals (criminals
sold separately; collect all 52) all know he or she kicks a**
(a** sold separately). He or she cruises the streets (streets
sold separately) of Iron Bar City (Iron Bar City sold separately)
looking for any trouble (trouble sold separately). When he find
some trouble, he just has to let them get a good look at himself,
and criminals s*** (s*** sold separately) their pants (pants sold
separately) and run (legs sold separately) to the nearest
policeman (policemen sold separately) to admit their crime (crime
sold separately) and turn themselves in, all to avoid having to
look at The Winged Freak, and try to guess what he or she might
be. Then, once the criminal have turned themselves in, The Winged
Freak runs to a nearby dumpster (dumpster sold separately), where
he or she turns back into D. Whale, (D. Whale sold separately) a
mild-mannered glass-(glass sold separately) blower (blower sold
separately). So purchase The Winged Freak Action Figure and start
fighting crime, today!"