Old Lady who swallowed fly to sue NHS 111 service

NHS 111 is to reconsider its protocols for fly-swallowing following a complaint from a Warwickshire patient who was initially advised to swallow a spider.

“The spider wasn’t too bad”, Mrs Brady said ”although it did wriggle and jiggle and tickle inside me - but then the 111 nurse suggested a bird. Fortunately I have a budgie – had a budgie . . .” Mrs Brady stifles a sob – “Charlie, his name was. I assumed it was standard procedure, so I did what the nurse said. The beak hurt, but not as much as the laughter I could hear in the background”

A leaked recording of the consultation has attracted more than a million ‘views’ on YouTube, with loud laughter clearly audible when Mrs Brady attempts to swallow a horse.

A spokesman for NHS 111 defended the treatment. “Swallowing live animals is a valid therapy under NICE guidelines, and is a lot cheaper than drugs. In hindsight, large ruminants should probably only be swallowed under medical supervision. Fair play to her for managing the cat, dog and the goat – nobody's ever got that far before. I’ve listened to the recording and it’s bloody hilarious.

Some brilliant writing - "... In hindsight, large ruminants should probably only be swallowed under medical supervision ..." - just the right amount of pompous understatement. (Or should that be "understated pomposity"?)

Full five of course. Provided the daft old bat hasn't swallowed them as well.