It's two days to Christmas but you bet i can crap out two Quick Crappy reviews, I wonder if people enjoy reading these or realise I just fall back on them when I don't have the time/energy to write other content? Hopefully both.

Sunday, 20 December 2015

So
I like to listen to the Purple Stuff Podcast, who wouldn’t with a title like
that? It’s the official podcast for Dinosaur Dracula and The Sexy Armpit, two of
the best blogs on the web, way better than this pile of shit that’s for
certain. Yeah, ok, it’s not the most...focused Podcast out there but it’s just so fun to listen to two
blokes talk about rubbish, the most recent rubbish was Christmas songs and unlike their Halloween Songs not a single one crossed over with my
perfect Christmas Playlist that I use every year, thus I had to write the
following to talk about that playlist and all the Christmas songs that are way
better than Bruce fucking Springsteen (god I hate that man), so see this as the
AFB Christmas Countdown show as I check off a load of Christmas Songs and write
a really indulgent post because why not? So are you sitting comfortably? Then
IT’S CHRIIIIIIISTMAAAAASS!!!!:

Tuesday, 15 December 2015

Welcome fictional friends
to the second of my Yay New Star Wars Film Celebratory Look At Posts, which are
fittingly a trilogy. Today’s subject is the Dark Horse Comics adaptation of Splinter
of the Mind’s Eye.

Monday, 14 December 2015

The internet’s gone a bit
Star Wars bonkers at the moment in the lead up to The Force Awakens, the first sequel to the original trilogy and the
fist Star Wars film from new owners Disney. I wish I could be all hipster,
poo-poo this and spend the month talking about Doctor Who because y’know
everyone knows the correct answer to ‘Star Wars vs Star Trek’ is Doctor Who but
fuck that, I’m as excited as everyone else and in fact have midnight showing
tickets for the 16th. So my contribution to the internet’s
celebration of a film that may or may not in fact actually be good is going to
be Looking At three important Star Wars comics; The Keeper’s World, the very
first original Star Wars story to see print; Splinter of the Mind’s Eye – an
adaptation of the first original Star Wars novel and Heir to the Empire, the
original sequel to Return of the Jedi. This is very much the equivalent of
spitting into the ocean (or a Degaba swamp if you prefer).

Wednesday, 9 December 2015

I’ve gotten into the habit
of writing Quick Crappy Reviews – which I only do of recent releases – about
the day after I get whatever’s being quickly, crappily reviewed. This generally
doesn’t come across to you fictional fans because I actually post my writings
whenever I feel like but that is how I do things. This has been the exception
thus far, I’ve had these since last week at least and I’ve been putting things
off because I just couldn’t figure out
what I thought about Dragstor, I’m still not sure.

Wednesday, 2 December 2015

I’ve been meaning to start
doing these for a while now as a less ‘image intensive’ option for when I’m
feeling lazy.

I know a lot about music,
but I know an especially large amount about a selection of 12 or so artists (maybe
even more) – I have their whole discography, books on them and so on, they’re
mostly British acts you mostly haven’t heard of that you mostly wouldn’t think
I’d listen to if you saw me on the street (except The Clash, and the Manic
Street Preachers – you’d defiantly think I listen to the Manics if you met me) but
they usually had one or two hits most people in Britain have heard, even if
it’s just on an advert with the words changed to advertise microwave food or
credit cards or whatever. Case in point: Kirsty MacColl who’s known for jangly
guitars, Cuban influences and singing on a song by a bunch of Irishmen, not the
sort of act one would expect a big Metalhead looking fellow to obsess over, but
obsess I do. So I’ve decided to write these posts, where I eschew the one or
two hits the act has to tell you about 10 other great songs they recorded.

Kirsty MacColl is sadly
mostly known via other people’s work – she’s the female voice on The Pogues’
Christmas hit ‘Fairytale of New York’1 (the bells are ringing out
for Christmas Day etc etc) and the writer of They Don’t Know which was a hit
for Tracy Ulman (she also sung back-up on that) while two of her three biggest
chart successes in the UK were cover versions – of The Kink’s Days and Billy
Bragg’s A New England. To make matters worse her biggest hit was the brilliant
‘There’s A Guy Works Down the Chip Shop Swears He’s Elvis’ which got her lumped
in categories like ‘novelty song’ and ‘one-hit wonder’ (she wasn’t, she had
several Top 10 hits). I say ‘sadly’ and ‘it only makes matters worse’ not just
because it ruins one’s credibility to be considered a covers act, a novelty act
or a one-hit wonder but of those the only song that showed off her talents as a
snappy lyricist is the one that everyone ignores as a joke and MacColl was
capable of being a fantastic lyricist with a very English sense of humour (so swearing,
sarcasm and smut then) who could do both word play and simple but effective as
good as those who’ve actually become known for their lyrical prowess like Elvis
Costello. She was also a very hot ginger woman, and I’m easily swayed by hot
ginger women. So are you sitting comfortably? Then BAY-AY-BEEE I’ll begin:

Free World(Kite, 1989)

I can’t decide if this or
Soho Square is my favourite Kirst MacColl song, I like them both and both for
their emotion but while Soho Square stays squarely in the realm of simple but
effective relying on delivery, Free World throws words at you like you’ve
offended their mother as our girl Kirsty gives a verbal smacking down to a
Thatcherite wanker who’s sold out his principals, his class and driven off his
friends, family and our heroine for the materialistic 80’s lifestyle. Kirsty
did this sort of lyric really well (so does her mate Billy Bragg); using a love
song as a protest song, drawing attention to some kind of other injustice while
also singing about some prick who clearly didn’t know he had it so good and
this is the best example of it from her, she fills the song with jabs at
Margaret Thatcher’s Britain from the very first line, which may well be one of
my favourites “I thought of you when they closed down the school / and the
hospital too / did they think that you were better / they were wrong” she could be just as easily
giving shit to the late great handbag herself. I guess the song works better if
you know a bit about the 1980s and how shit it was in the UK because of the
conservative government and the people who bought into their ‘pull the ladder up
Jack and sod the rest’ mentality but a whole chunk of it still works, I
especially like the enduring line ‘the ghettos are full of Mercedes Benz’ which
in a world still flooded with commercial rap is still horribly useful.