Myself and my husband are toying with the idea of giving up on trying.

We've done three rounds of icsi with tese, and we've been to Dr. Ramsey in London. We've been told now to go to donor sperm. We don't have a problem with using a donor but we just don't know how much more we can take.

We've always wanted kids, I even picked my career around having a family. Since 'the news' of severe mfi it has taken over our lives. We've changed, we aren't as happy in ourselves, we've put on weight, we aren't as social. A lot of this is due to lack of funds as every penny we have is going into ivf and being house bound due to injections or recovery from tese and such.The pregnancy announcements have made both work and having hobbies really hard and we've avoided social situations often because of this.

We took a break from ivf since last November, mainly due to lack of funds. We haven't saved every penny since then and we've had a few good months, we are happier now. We are genuinely considering not doing round 4. I have a big fear that going to donor will open up another big can of worms and if round 4 doesn't work we'll end up doing 5/6/7 rounds and that our lives will just stay on hold for years...

At the minute we are preparing for round 4 in January. We are on a bit of a clock as I'm nearly 38 and if we leave it too much longer we my need donor eggs too! We feel under pressure to go again from his family as there are no grandkids at all in his family. I know we shouldn't let it influence us but it is in the back of our minds.

I think if we had any friends our age without kids it might be a bit easier but we don't!

I'm just wondering if anyone else is feeling the same? Or has anyone else decided to stop?

Tweet- I did check out the ERA test but I couldnt get it done here. Sims do something similiar but there is a catch you have to be doing he cycle with them to have it done...I tried a few places in Ireland but no joy.

I think you can defo get it done in Prague, plus Spain. It has to be done at a particular time of your cycle.. I couldnt swing it here & couldnt fly over to Prague to get it done as was up to neck with work. If it had been available to me here I would have had it done...

I know its hard to have hope in the midst of all the blows- am with you on that. We have to take a break as am mentally exhausted from it all. Our plan is to re-assess in the New Year. Its a neverending drama with it all...

Joanne thanks for asking. One PGS embryo in Prague. Was going to move to transfer in October but I think we are going to do an ERA test. Did you ever have that done Joanne, it looks to see if the uterus is receptive. It cost 1000 euros so a lot of money but I would hate to go to transfer without it and fail again. If that fails we were going to go back to Cube again possibly for two final rounds back to back but I am half thinking maybe it just time to move onto donors after that. I have struggled big time this year to get hope back. It comes through at times and then dwindles again. Someone just posted about a series starting on tv3 tomorrow night about infertility. Think it's based out of sims. Must watch it for sure.

Dear Tweet- I hear you re how difficult this journey is. At the start I was very optimistic & thought we would be flying- used to have lovely dreams about twins!!!For me the last 18 months have been the worst- I moved to donor egg/sperm cycles & hopes were sky high...what a land I got...4 trips to Prague 3 donor transfers & no baby...

Our last failed cycle was in August just gone so am taking a break for a few months...Like you have spent all our cash so funds are low. Besides that I badly need a break. Have been doing the bare minimum at work so need to shape up a bit- the job has been paying towards these expensive ventures after all...

Mcjac I hope you are ok. I know your every pain. Like you we have had 3 failed cycles actuslly all in one year (2016) and I have to say I never thought this road would be so difficult. This year we cycled abroad with Cube and did a further two cycles. Out of that we yielded 1 PGS normal embryo. I think it's this year that it's all really hit me how difficult this is. All that effort to get one normal embryo and I am delighted to have it but it brings it all home how much we are up against. Like you we have male factor issues, not severe but quality and quantity is a major issue. I am 39 so age is not greatly on my side but the two factors together make it difficult. 40k later after all our treatments we don't have much to show but hubby and I have figured we are going to keep going as long as there is hope in this journey (and provided I don't have a breakdown) I laugh writing that bit but in the realms of things anything is possible. This year without a doubt has been the most difficult for me, last year I had excuses, saying maybe we were just unlucky and it will work next time but this year gave us a true understanding of the mountain ahead of us. We scrape the money out of somewhere is the fact but as the ladies say here it's the emotional side I struggle with. I struggle to concentrate in work, I no longer feel challenged in work but have to keep the job to keep the funds going. No way out but one thing that keeps us all trying is hope. After trying to conceive for 5 years now most of us on here are similar and it's harder as you go along this road. I am so delighted you came to a decision. Will you def try to donor sperm this time? I wish all the ladies on here so much luck. Our journey has been long but I hope we all get there sooner rather than later.

We've decided to go again in January and contacted the clinic this week. Its such a hard decision to make. At the minute I'd be happy enough to stop but the rear of regret in the future is what is driving us.

We've decided this is definitely the last time... We'll see how that works out.

I'm just dreading going into it all again. There's some consolidation knowing I'm not the only one though. So thanks. X

Dear Mcjac- I hear you about finding it hard to make a decision re whether to keep going or not. Like you our lives have been totally messed up by the whole infertility. I have been prone to very low moods in the past couple of years from this ordeal...we have had 5 crap cycles so far (3 donor) & have to take a break from it all for a while...everything has suffered from this & lack of success...

The day may come for us that we will have to give up as at this stage we are broke...finances are depleted...

its a tough one & only you & husband can decide. It impacts on the couple more than anyone else...

Mcjac, I really don't know what advice to give you because we are all different. We 'gave up' after round two, but it didn't last. We were back again after a year off trying again because the longing is there.The financial burden of this is massive, we've borrowed every penny each time, but financial pressure are secondary to the emotional ones. Is there a way that you could change things a little, like maybe holding off on the another round for another few months even and using that money to go out for dinner or meet friends and try to get out a bit more. Is there anyway the parents could help you out a bit financially?

Mcjac, Myself and my DH know exactly how you feel. We have had 5 losses (3 mc's naturally, 1 mc from OE IVF+PGS + immune & anticlotting med support for tested issues and recently 1 ectopic) and we have been advised to go again with DE as they 'suspect' the issue is at gene level with my eggs, but I just don't know if I have the stomach to go again and have another loss as I can't shake the feeling that the problem is with my body and not the embryos, since I lost a PGS normal embryo. I'm constantly wavering between trying again and trusting that it's an egg issue and calling it a day! Like you though I always thought that 1 day I would be a mum. I hear you about the imposed IVF hermit lifestyle...it's awful, everything in your life is just consumed by IVF!

I'm afraid I don't have any answers for you, myself and my DH are talking about it still ourselves to decide what to do for the best. I would say, don't be influenced by what others want, I know that's hard, but you really do have to just think about what will be best for you and your DH as you are the ones who have to cope with you decision. If you are wavering, maybe get yourself on a Donor waiting list, that way you aren't wasting time and you can always change your minds if you decide it isn't for you. I'd also recommend counselling to help you decide what's best for you, as someone impartial to talk to really can help.

Mcjac Ive gone through that and know what you mean. For me, I'm not ready to stop but equally know I can't keep doing this forever. It's a difficult decision and one i went to counselling to figure out. The most important thing for me is to try all I can so I don't have regrets. I know a woman who regretted not trying and now she's post menopause and she regrets it. That stayed with me. It's a very personal decision and only one you can make. If nothing else, you're not alone in this. There are other couples feeling exactly like you x