benign

Jul 27, 2011

I have my pathology report on the tissue removed from my breast.

Benign.

I know I should be feeling relieved…ecstatic even…but I am not.

I am feeling grateful for this wake-up call. Grateful for the cleanse I did because the pain in my breast greatly subsided throughout the cleanse. Grateful for the support of my mom and my circle of friends. Grateful for all I have learned about myself, my health, breast cancer, breast health, and liver issues. Grateful for the perspective this has given me. Grateful for the personal examination I have been able to do. Grateful for the prayers that have been called out to the heavens. Grateful for the profound blessing I was given. Grateful for the meals I have received this week. Grateful for the unfailing love of my husband. Grateful to Dr. Jones’ for listening to me. Grateful to the hospital staff for taking excellent care of me. Grateful for my children putting up with a ton of chaos and fear in their little worlds. Grateful for the green smoothies. Grateful for the raw foods. Grateful for the tender mercies of my Father in Heaven. Grateful for the long hours I have pondered my mission on this earth. Grateful for the hugs, smiles, and tears that have been shared with me.

I’m full to the brim with gratitude.

But I don’t really feel relieved. I feel like perhaps I have dodged a bullet. Perhaps I was given an early warning to turn things around.

I don’t know what this all means for sure, but to me it isn’t over. It is just the beginning of a life of vigilance against breast cancer. A life I never thought I would lead until one day it hit me square in the face that something was wrong with my breast. I am on a quest to get all this estrogen out of my body, to rid myself completely of the unsettled feelings, and to continue coming to Christ with my full heart instead of trying to solve my problems all by my lonesome.

This was a lesson I needed.

Thank you everyone…I have needed you more than you know…more than I have shown. There have been many times these last few months that I have felt like this was too big for me and the things that have kept me going are your hugs and cards and kind words and smiles and phone calls. I have the most wonderful people in my life and I will always be so grateful to have been surrounded by your love through this whole ordeal.

Thank you God…for helping me learn just how much you love me. As I have immersed myself in your words, I have felt a peace and a power that is indescribable. I need to learn the lesson of submission and through this experience I have started that process.