Hi there – happy holidays and all of that! I miss you all, and the strange thing is, I literally think about writing a post everyday. Seriously. I think those thoughts really strong and loud and hard and then continue to ignore the action that would require me logging in and, you know, writing anything down.

That’s actually kind of how things are going right now – I know when I last wrote back in August, I spoke about how hard everything was. Well, since then, things are still pretty hard – harder, in some ways.

My partner lost her job, so now my freelancing is our sole support system. Hence my bloody bloody fingers from making websites happen all day. And my lack of desire to type anything else when I could be drinking a gin/craft beer instead. (Keewanah Brewery? Michigan folks? Know what I’m sayin’?)

My weight is all over the place, but that place is mostly heading up, which is a HUGE, suffocating, mind-consuming problem for me. I’m working on it, but I’m in that spin where I can only focus on either fitness or eating healthy on any given day, but I need to be doing both to make a difference. Don’t you hate when you know what you should be doing, but that should is what makes you just want to curl up and die?

On the upside, my gigantic 9 month old puppy now loves his walks. Small victories. 🙂

On the HUGE UPSIDE: I booked, and shot, and was paid to be on, a TV pilot.

You read it right – I FINALLY BOOKED A TV GIG. Coming this Spring. New pilot – Jennifer Falls – from a veritable A-team of Hollywood folks, including headliner Jaime Pressly (of My Name is Earl Emmy-winning fame) and the wonderful Missy Pyle (of many many things, my favorite of which is Dodgeball. No lies.). Hopefully the series will take off, because there is a teeny tiny chance my character could be seen more than once – I have a name and lines and a whole lesbian softball team with custom uniforms and everything. Sandy the lesbian softball captain. That’s me on TV.

I will write more about that soon. Because I will write more soon. Truth.

Hi all – I took a little break from writing, because the last thing I want is to be whiny and depressed all the time. Things have been pretty hard over here – under the surface, which to me is worse than having your mess all out in the open. We moved into the perfect little house, we adopted the perfect little dog (even when he’s being a perfect little shit), and now I work from home in the perfect position that I manifested out of ponies and oatmeal and sleeping with a crinkly face. (“I WILL support myself this way… I WILL support myself this way…”) It all looks great from a distance.

Up close I’ve been kind of crazy. Over stressed. Under-creative. Quick to snap. Unhappy with my body. Unhappy with acting, or my lack of acting, or both. Generally lost. Even my puppy doesn’t want to take walks with me. (I’ve been assured he’ll grow out of it – it’s apparently a phase.)

I forgot about the self-care. I did. I forgot about doing small things for myself to take care of me. And I’m not sure what those things even are most days – that’s the whirlpool I’m swirling in.

I think I’m going to do the Artist’s Way again – at the suggestion of my best friend from NYC, who visited with her gf last week and told me I looked like hell, in so many words. Somehow that gives me the permission to write it all out without judgment. I recommend it to anyone who’s stuck like I am.

On the upside – all the lesbians on TV are making me happier! Making me more interested in keeping up with this crazy stupid acting industry. The downside is that I only watch TV when I’m at the absolute bottom. But at least that means I’m starting to climb up and out.