Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

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Everyone knows sex is the most important thing that we do as humans. Why else would God make sex feel so good? Because we're here to populate the planet. If something else was more important God would have made that feel better. For instance, dancing feels good. But people go to dance clubs looking to find a new sex partner. People don't go to whorehouses looking to find a new dance partner. Damn! Sometimes I'm so smart, my brain feels like it is too heavy for my back. I need to get a brain-reduction. Anyhow, I'm a student of sex. (And sometimes the teacher, heh heh heh.) So I've studied every conceivable... position. I've learned some things from porn such as:

* Women love to put a man's disproportionately large sex organ in their mouth immediately after it's been inside other parts of her anatomy And I've learned things from soap operas such as: * Women love to seduce a man who just woke up from a coma even though he is still engaged to her sister. And I've learned things from experience such as:

* Women enjoy compliments like, "Your body is so hot!" better than compliments like, "You're not nearly as fat as I thought you were!"

My two favorite positions:

The Spider:The man leans back, supporting his weight on his outstretched arms behind him. The woman leans back in the same position, situating her lady-hole onto his meat thermometer. She feels ecstasy and throws her head back, looking up at the ceiling. That's when she sees a spider. She demands the man get up and squish it. Women love this. Women love guys who care for furry animals but mutilate yucky ones.

Reverse Cowgirl:The man lays down on his back. The woman sits on his romance-pole, facing away from him.

PROS: Woman more likely feel it on her G-Spot.

CONS: Man less likely to be able to see the television.

Women love this position because they control the pace, you can slap her booty, and most importantly since she's not facing you, she can be on the phone.