Pothead Obama’s Five Tips For Good Pothead Writing

Yahoo has published more excerpts from David Maraniss’ Barack Obama: The Story, mostly about how much he loved getting drunk and high and drag racing and then getting high again, while writing gay letters to ladies. Grow up, Obama of 30-35 years ago! But Maraniss was also able to get his hands on a list of writing tips Obama once sent a friend whose manuscript he’d overlooked. Just who does this elitist think he is, an elitist? It’s not like Bill Ayers needed any of Obama’s “tips” to write Dreams from My Father.

Here’s the nitpicky list:

1) “Careful about too many adverbs, particularly describing how people speak (Paul asked disbelievingly, etc.) It can be cumbersome and a bit intrusive on the reader”

2) “Resist the temptation of easy satire…Good satire has to be a little muted. Should spill out from under a seemingly somber situation.”

Ha ha, two tips in and he has already destroyed Wonkette.

3) “Try to get the basic stats on the characters out of the way early {Paul was 24} so that you can spend the rest of the story revealing character.”

4) “Think about the key moment(s) in the story, and build tension leading to those key moments.”

5) “[W]rite outside your own experience…I find that this works the fictive imagination harder.”

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

A fun sized Snickers bar to the first person who understands this reference.

http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

You saw my tweet to Editrix, so you know I did

Barb

Nah, I saw her post. You are disqualified.

DustBowlBlues

Oh, noes. Now we have to twitter, too? I knew I should have written my username and password down somewhere. Damn. (Even sadder, I actually did write it down and now can't find it or the password for my Google account, so now I am officially fucked more than usual.

Oh sure! I go and try to do the heavy lifting of making that an Internet tradition, but he gets my candy!

Barb

Lol, I'll give you one too.

http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

Can you smear it on your nipple first?

Barb

No.

fuflans

wonderful as you are barb, i think these gentleman can procure their own candy. i happen to know – for a fact! – that snickers bars are available in BOTH ny and chicago.

http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

To be nice for making us work late yesterday, our boss went and got us Starbucks, along with these chocolate-covered lollipops that were actually a round piece of cake on a stick. Goddamn, that was good!

Now tell me what you're havin' for dinner. I want to know every herb and spice!

http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

I have passed it on to the wide world of Twitter. Very impressive. And all made new again. So many hidden treasures that survived through slavery time! Did you read Wole Soyinka, You Must Set Forth At Dawn, where he discusses the musical traditions imparted to the world through the African diaspora?

Oy, you!

Fish noodle soup (it's a slight variation on Burmese mohinga, since I can't get some of the ingredients here)

The stock is heated with the coconut milk at a low simmer on a back burner and poured over the assembled dish. The prawns are peeled and deveined, and a stock made from their shells fried in oil with 1-2 cloves of garlic, and water, which is added to the stock on the back burner to give it a sweet taste. The fish is cut into large pieces, rubbed with the turmeric and chilly powder and salt to taste, and the remaining spices, roasted and ground, and then fried with the onions and squash. Fresh Chinese wheat noodles are best, but rice sticks or bean threads can also be used, and even dried pasta is OK. Should be a thin noodle, though. Cook prawns with garlic, fish sauce, and snow peas.

Assemble the raw greens in the bowl, top with prawns, fish curry and sauce, and pour hot stock over. Garnish with LOTS of hot chilli and herbs. If it doesn't blow your socks off, check your pulse, as you may already be dead and not know it.

http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

(Sated burp) So good!

http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

I wish I could cook it for you and your lovely wife, but I can give you the recipe and maybe you can surprise her with it some Valentine's day.

4) “Think about the key moment(s) in the story, and build tension leading to those key moments.”

SHORTER OBAMA: Fap harder the closer you get.

BarackMyWorld

Is this what conservatives mean when they say we're over-regulated?

Crank_Tango

Is there a link to the Wonkette Manual of Style for Snarky Communications? I am still unclear on the preferred spelling, is it buttseks or buttsechs?

MissTaken

(ii) Always use a long word where a short one will do.

So, buttsechs.

BarackMyWorld

And balls. Also.

Tommmcattt

I am a staunch defender of buttsecks, I'm afraid.

Dashboard Buddha

"he loved getting drunk and high and drag racing and then getting high again, while writing gay letters to ladies."

Wasn't this is in some other book? I don't think any of this is news.

WeHaveIssues

Hellerrrr Wonkette – apropos of nothing, you do realize Riley Waggamans' blog hasn't been updated since September 23, 2011? [delete from blogroll] Cute only gets you so far.

Tommmcattt

Yeah, but Riley is also nubile.

http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

Keep the blog listing; just change it to "nomorerileywaggsplease.com"~

sezme

9/23/11 … Wasn't that when all those wars spontaneously ended? Or maybe it was when Breitbart died (same thing).

CivicHoliday

I dunno, ii and v sound like a great way to achieve mass appeal but not a great way to challenge a reader and suitably take advantage of the depth and variety of the english language. Reminds me of why I always preferred to read Camus in the original french. (*oh snap my elitism is showing…time to buy bigger pants*)

Dildeaux

I blame Obama for creating the toxic environment which requires there to be books written about how bad a person Obama was and is. He's just so polarizing!!1! What could be the reason? Im perplexed….

Jus_Wonderin

Using actual list numbers, instead of simple bullets, is characteristic of this presidents need to show how he is more, extra specialous than we common folks.

http://wonkette.com/ weejee

(ii) Never use a long word where a short one will do.

Guess George Will is not Orwellian and I always thought he was such a little Squealer.

Schmannnity

Madrassas teach writing, not just Koran memorization? Who knew?

http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

That's "QuranIC memorization" to you, infidel.

DalePues

I follow those rules (have them on a sheet of paper taped to my desk), so I never publish anything.

http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

Me too! It's why I never WRITE anything.

MissTaken

The total lack of "add lotsa exclamation points!!!, keep CAPS LOCK on at ALL TIMES, and throw in some 9/11" proves that Obama is not a REAL AMERICAN.

http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

AMERCIA LIBEL!!!!!

http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

Mr. President, this is pretty interestzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

coolhandnuke

6) Just read from the fucking teleprompter…it'll drive the wingnuts to batshit levels.

http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

I have in my hand the Teabagger Style Gide.

Top For Tips for Rittin
1) Don't use "niger" unless it fits.
2) Always point to Ronny Raygan.
3) USE ALL CAPS
4) Logic, nuance or even wit has no place in rittin.
5) Spellin'gs for pussees and foggity liebruls
5) Weeevuh US Amercia, troops, starbursts and Kenyan into each paragraf
9) Tax kuts alwayz.

Poindexter718

10. Unexpected quotation "marks" can add a "sense" of wonderment and mystery to "your prose" and needn't be confined to indicating irony or that someone sez it.

MissTaken

I "like" this.

SorosBot

Leonard likes this post.

MissTaken

☺☼♂♣♥◙♫

SorosBot

Hah!

C_R_Eature

11. aLlwAys Use UnexPecTeD RAndoM caPitalIZatION

12. MULTIPLE EXCLAMATION POINTS AND ONES!!!1!!11

DahBoner

Actually, #11 is Punk style. Or ransome notes…

C_R_Eature

I have seen that stylistic form used, infuriatingly, on RW sites to spell out "Teleprompter". I have no idea why.

8. Obama thought the world would be a better place without clothes, especially when nice-looking ladies were around.

Allegedly stoned and drunk one night at Occidental, Obama and a friend stopped to talk to an attractive girl and "Barry launched into a riff on nudity, offering his theory that the human race would be better off if people did not wear clothes. This declaration was made with the urgency of someone ready to strip then and there. …It seemed apparent that Barry was trying to seduce the woman right in front of" his friend who had a crush on the girl.

She appeared "sympathetic to the theoretical argument but not ready to put it into practice."

http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

*stripping down*

I'm ready for paradise!

C_R_Eature

You know who else had a nitpicky list of writing tips?

http://www.wonkette.com TanzbodenKoenig

My AP English teacher?

BornInATrailer

Calligraphers?

http://www.toastcat.com Fred_Wertham_Jr

Adolf Strunk?

James Michael Curley

I thought Rebecca banned calling people Maranisses?

http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

whose manuscript he’d overlooked

Didn't Flannery o'Connor say something to the effect that she wished editors "overlooked" the magnitude of profligate manuscripts more often than less?

SorosBot

Well of course you "get the basic stats on the characters out of the way early"; I mean that's the first thing you do when creating a new character, roll up the strength, dexterity, constitution, intelligence, wisdom and charisma.

HogeyeGrex

He spent his first night in the big city outside, curled up in a nearby alleyway, and woke up with a white hen pecking at his face.

Right. Because there are so many fucking chickens wandering the streets of NY.

http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

Probably escaped from a Santeria ritual.

new_pic_for_NEWTer

Where all the white women (chickens) at?

Lionel[redacted]Esq

Orwell was a Socialist. You know who else was a Socialist?

http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

Hitler?

C_R_Eature

Reagan?

ttommyunger

We know he is left-handed, but we still don't know which hand he wipes with. This man has not yet been vetted, my friends.

http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

If he really was born in Kenya, he wipes with his left hand and eats with his right, even though he's a lefty. His grandma would have beat that into him. Get Breitbart's "Big Folkways" site on this immediately!!

ttommyunger

I'm on it!

CountryClubJihadi

He makes me want to wear a sarong and spark up a Krakatoa.

DustBowlBlues

"Ha ha, two tips in and he has already destroyed Wonkette."

Jim–I don't care if you do look like a teenager, don't let anyone tell you that you are not a national treasure. They kind they keep in the sub-basement of the Smithsonian.