we have prettier artists
better looking in both a classic and interesting sense
we’re smarter
we make better art
we try harder and care more
we have no wannabes hanging around the scene wasting everyone’s time
we’re more thoughtful passionate switched on and excited
we’re less complacent
we don’t have a reputation to fall back on
we’re more tenacious and we hold ourselves to a higher standard
and we’re more polite, we avoid calling out artists from bigger cities for being lazy and careless
we’re cooler and further ahead of the curve
we have more faith in our own choices and don’t need the congratulations or reinforcement that artists in other scenes beg for

we have better sex
to the extent that we need those few hundred kilometres distance from the other metropolitan regions in order that you not be disturbed by our raucous excited moans
while sydneysiders and melbournites prod confusedly at one another’s private bits
we share our joy without reservation
but we’re happy for people to curse us bitterly
we welcome all sour outsiders to say what they can
and we send them to the empty triangular potemkin village south side of the lake
show them round some empty museums and a carpark or two
then send them on their way thinking they’ve seen it all

what we got you can’t have unless you ask for it
and you can’t ask for it if you’re stupid
and that’s how this works