6.11.2015

WHAT MACY WORE: DESITIN EDITION

Late Sunday afternoon I put Macy down for a nap. She didn't necessarily cooperate but the bouts of body convulsions were brief as were the guttural sobbing episodes. I attributed this to my always-improving parenting skills and retreated to the living room for a blissful hour or two of quiet.

Upon reflecting on what a peaceful Sunday it was shaping up to be, I decided to check-in on my sleeping child. Upon hitting the hallway to the bedroom, however, I smelled something peculiar, my initial thought being baby powder?

Now scared for my baby's safety, I whipped open the door, to find not Macy but rather some scary alien lying in my toddler's bed, peacefully humming Five Little Monkeys to herself.

The alien sat up to greet me and I screamed bloody murder and started to cry, upsetting the alien, who copied suite and we both continued to cry slash cough from the potent fumes. My brain, now experiencing PTSD, tried to catch up to my eyes and process what exactly had happened.

Macy, in lieu of napping, choose to source a brand new tub of 16 oz Desitin diaper cream (rich and thick formula) from the top shelf of her changing table. She then applied it from head to toe, as one does.

After taking a moment to snap these quick pics I threw the alien in the bath, which had no effect whatsoever. The water simply beaded up to form drops on her now impermeable skin. I proceded to cry, with occasional intermittent bursts of laughter, for the next two hours as I cleaned up the mess.

I've been dealing with this situation as I have all previous trials in my life; humor, drugs and alcohol, therapy, and I suppose specific to this particular incident - a carpet cleaner.

*THE END, but just the beginning in terms of removing the cream from Macy's hair.

- FOLLOWING MEGAN ON SOCIAL MEDIA WILL MAKE YOU SKINNIER, RICHER, + PRETTIER-

Wow. People have some nerve questioning things that are none of their business! Anyhow, how precious is your little one!!! One day you will laugh about this! My question is- where will you now be storing your diaper cream?! Lol!!! Long time no see! Hope to see you soon!

Oh this is good! My twins not once, but twice, "painted" their shared bedroom with a tub of Eucerin cream. That shit is painful to clean up..but I imagine not nearly as painful as Desitin with its smell.

Actually Meg has put her family in the public eye not only in this blog but her book as well. We readers have become vested in her life, so it is not out of line to ask. Her husband use to figure prominently in this blog, it's naturally curiosity to ask what has become of him.