The results are in! After we asked you to remix the blank cover of our sex issue, you utterly astonished us with your brilliance. The tube map was re-purposed so that ‘Holland Park’ become ‘Whoreland Park’, someone drew a woman ‘jerking off the magazine’ and one reader saw fit to submit an entry featuring the words ‘Why does it burn when I pee?’. But only one could win the iPad Mini. Here are our judges’ verdicts….

The stylized roundel above, from Rus Hadda, had the competition licked: ‘It’s exactly like something we’d put on our front cover: A runaway winner!’ said editor-in-chief Tim Arthur. ‘Cockfosters has never been so arousing.’

This gender-symbol version from Doyle, with a similar concept, claimed second place. ‘It’s smart, it’s iconic and it’s equally appealing to women and men. Very nearly won.’

Michael Witten’s entry below really hit the spot. Our art director Anthony Huggins remarked: ‘very clever, with some lovely puns on tube station names. Also just dissimilar enough to the tube map that TFL wouldn’t sue us for using it. Which is always a bonus.’ :

This entry from Craig Constantinou had the full package. ‘‘He’s not the only entrant to turn a London landmark into a cock. But his cock is the nicest’ said Huggins:

If you thought the horsemeat burger scandal was bad, you won’t want a portion of what Ellen Wishart’s serving:

And if all these innuendos are too oblique for you, don’t worry – Thom Have just drew a big willy, explaining ‘All I want in life is ‘appiness.’ Thanks Thom! We recommend holding this one up against you anytime you need a comedy costume.

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