Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Piece of sh!t car

Dear stupid car,

So you want to fight? Yeah so you thought it would be funny to leave the windshield wipers straight up saluting the sky not working the day we are trying to leave Ohio about a month ago for a week long vacation? You must have knew that part to fix you would not be in that day and you would not have to handle a 2000 mike drive. Very funny, but had a semi went by and buried us in slush and we could not see and crashed you, that would not have been very funny.

Maybe you are mad that my sister's husband backed into you two weeks ago and you had to spend several days in the shop for your hurt door. Poor baby, get over it. I was the one that had to scramble to find something else to drive!

And now this! That noice you started making was just abnoxious. Are you doing this just because my 80,000 mile warranty that I have blew through in 2.5 years is up already and you like to stress me out? I know you have become friends with the other cars at the dealership but now you are going to hang out there for at least another week and leave me high and dry again?

Car, that is it! I am done being friends with you! Get over your jealousy with my new redhead. The snow is coming back to town and I need you back to cart my butt all over the place!

You and your car have issues. Your affair with the fiery Italian fuels his insecurity and drives his passive aggressiveness, which fuels your anger, and so on, through multiple, exhaustive cycles. Have you thought about counseling?

Screw him. Dump him. I saw a guy mount a bike rack to his motorcycle. Plus you have the new heated grips. Drop the zero and get with a hero (American for your Italian one). Get some of spiked tires from the james bond movies for winter time. And you're close to portage county so there should be a mandatory car on cinder blocks laying around that you can drive once in a while.