Are You Giving Off Signs You're A Desperate Job-Seeker?

I just heard about you and your non-traditional job search approach and I'm reading your columns as fast as I can!

It's very refreshing to see that I don't have to follow the old rules to get a good job. Your advice is almost exactly the opposite from what I was taught about job-hunting in college. I just graduated last May.

They told us to do what you say not to do -- to grovel and beg to get a job. I've spent the last six months working part-time at a retail store to earn money while beating my head against the wall job-hunting that way. I'm ready to try something new!

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Sometimes I go on a job interview and I can tell walking in the door that I would hate the job, but I still try to "sell myself" because I was always told that's what you're supposed to do. How do I stop myself from following that old habit?

I'm afraid that I'm sending out signals I'm a desperate job-seeker, because I feel like a loser after six months of job-hunting and no good offers.

I know I'm smart and capable. I get compliments at my retail job and everybody says "You're going to find a good job soon!" but it hasn't happened yet. I'm afraid that I am my own worst obstacle.

Congratulations on earning your degree! That's a huge accomplishment. Traditional get-a-job training teaches job-seekers (not just new grads, but all job-seekers) that they are very insignificant and that employers make all the important decisions.

Job-seekers are taught to take the first offer they get, and not to be choosy. Of course job-seekers feel desperate when they are told that they are just one of a million job-seekers all competing for the same jobs!

You'll know that you are sending out signals of desperation when you find yourself doing these five things:

1. Rambling and gushing in a job interview -- trying desperately to please and impress the interviewer.

2. Agreeing to any terms an employer gives you -- from multiple last-minute changes in an interview schedule to endless tests and unpaid assignments during the recruiting process.

3. Lowering your own salary expectations for no reason -- just because someone says they might consider you for a job.

4. Chasing terrible job opportunities forever even when you know that you'd hate the job if you got it.

5. Believing that you'd be lucky to get any job. You are never lucky to get a job. No one would hire you if they didn't believe you could help them.

We can understand why job-seekers feel desperate. In articles and books and job-search workshops everywhere, job-seekers are taught that their needs don't matter. That is not an empowering message!

Your needs matter. When you get a compliment or a pat on the back at your retail job, it feels good but it also reminds you that no matter what job you're doing, you can't help but bring your Livia energy, brains and heart to the assignment.

You deserve to feel that power surge at work every day.

Many, many new grads and many other people are unemployed or under-employed, but that doesn't suggest in any way that they aren't also capable and brilliant people.

To stop sending out the signal "I'm desperate -- please, somebody hire me and make me feel like a worthy person!" your task is to grow your own muscles from the inside out.

2. Get a journal and write in it every day or as often as you can. Write about your ideal job. Get as clear as you can about what you want to do next in your career. If your mindset is "I can do all kinds of things -- somebody just needs to give me a chance!" you are not giving yourself enough credit. You get to choose your career path -- and you must choose one!

3. Brand yourself for the jobs you want, not as a bundle of skills and a new degree. Use the Summary in your Human-Voiced Resume to explain not just what kinds of jobs you want, but also why.

4. Create a Target Employer List and begin researching those employers. There is likely to be one manager in each of those organizations who is your most likely hiring manager. Focus on that person! Read their LinkedIn profile. Compose a Pain Letter for each of your target hiring managers, and send it to them in the mail with your Human-Voiced Resume.

5. When you're not working and you're not job-hunting, take care of yourself. Spend time with the friends who get you the most. Get outside and get physical. Listen to your favorite music and remember that when you're in the desert of reinvention, you're working very hard even if it doesn't feel that way.

6. Think about the kinds of Business Pain you can solve in your next job. You solve Business Pain for your current retail employer now. You help customers find what they're looking for. You brighten people's day every time you go to work. You are learning about stock and inventory and merchandising and customer service. Claim it all! Claim it in your resume and in your stories. They are part of your learning, and your brand!

7. Before your next job interview, stop and think about the role and your connection to it. Ask yourself these questions:

• Why does this role exist? What problems does this employee solve for their company?

• When have I solved similar problems before, at work or at school? What stories can I tell about those problems and how I solved them?

8. To calm your nerves before a job interview, wind yourself. Run up and down stairs enough to run out of breath but not enough to get really sweaty just before you walk into the building. Say to yourself "I am here to learn more -- that's all. Not everybody deserves my talents!"

9. If you find yourself gushing and rambling on the interview the way lots of job-seekers do, take a deep breath. Ask a question instead of talking about yourself. Job-seekers forget that most interviewers like to answer questions. Your questions will teach you more and convey your brainpower and insight better than your answers to scripted interview questions ever could.

10. Finally, resist the temptation to beat up on yourself. You are wonderful and the right job will find you when you believe that you deserve it. You are working hard now. Give yourself a break! The first job search after college is seldom easy, but your muscles are getting huge right now.

You are a terrific candidate, Livia! You are not desperate. You will radiate more and more confidence on every job interview from here on out.

Not everyone will like your brand of jazz. That's fine! You don't need everyone to like you. You only need one manager who sees your potential and vice versa.

As you focus on growing your confidence and let Mother Nature guide you to the right people, you will stop worrying about pleasing people and focus on pleasing yourself. We are rooting for you!