(Closed) Groomzillas, how much input is too much?

Let me just say, I love my fiance. We NEVER argue, we are perfect for eachother in every way. I’ve been dreaming about my wedding since I was a little girl, what girl hasn’t???? Anyway, my fiance and I usually agree about everything, but we’ve been disagreeing A LOT about the wedding. Suits, bridesmaid dresses, budget, entertainment, guest list, seating plans…the list goes on and on, we can’t agree on anything! Normally grooms take the backseat when it comes to wedding planning. I was thrilled at first at how involved and interested he was in planning everything but now I’m just getting annoyed. I never thought it would be this difficult to make a decision. How much input from a groom is too much and how do we compromise? My wedding is something I’ve been dreaming of my whole life and this is turning into a challenge when it should be the time of our lives. Does anyone else have an over-involved groom? How do you deal? Am I being crazy here? I’m not the typical “weddings are all about the bride” type girl but he’s driving me insane! I love him but I don’t know how to deal with him when he’s being a groomzilla! Help!

I would make a list of all of the elements of the wedding, and each of you rank which ones are the most important to you. Hopefully a lot of the elements most important you you aren’t as important to him and the ones important you him aren’t as important to him. Then the person who cares more about the item gets to pick that item. For example, my FI cares a lot about music and I care a lot about attire, so he is choosing the DJ and I am choosing the attire. If it turns out that you have very similar rankings, (ex you both ranked flowers your most important element) then you just have to divide up the list so that each gets half, and you each get to choose some of your most important items and some of your least important items.

You’re both going to have to compromise. How do you each view the day? Ex: Does one want a JOP ceremony with a backyard BBQ, where the other wants a 300+ formal black tie event? In that scenario, would you both be ok with 150 semi-formal?

Budget and guest list will make the biggest impact on your wedding, so you really need to come to an agreement on those first. You’ll probably go over both, but it gives you a starting point.

I’m dealing with the same thing. At first I thought it was fantastic, and now we’re butting heads over a lot of things. I want a more handmade and personal wedding, he wants fancy, fancy, fancy.

We’re planning well in advance, so thankfully we have lots of time to get over the bumps and make decisions. I can’t say that it’s been fun so far, though.

One thing I’ve had good luck with, though, is to not discuss anything wedding related unless we’re both in good moods. And when it comes to certain things, I just get fed up with discussing it and tell him what I’m picking later on when we’re both in good moods, like the shade of blue my bridesmaid dresses are going to be. He was so picky, but as soon as I made a decision and told him what I was doing, he didn’t care.

I am happy to say that I have full creative control lol. If he has an opinion, he’ll let me know, otherwise he’s happy if I’m happy. It has made decision-making much easier. And whenever I need help, he does what he can, but mostly he has been taking care of cooking and cleaning while I slave away at wedding projects! It’s a huge help!

Mine is very involved. The way I see it, it’s his wedding too. We both want to be represented. His family is making fun of him (though theyre very much of the mindset that the bride is most important), but I don’t want to do this alone, nor do I want to shut him out.

As was stated, perhaps he’s been dreaming of this day as well. Or perhaps he wants to be involved and have it reflect him just as much. I also like the suggestion that you make a list of things and have each of you rank them in order of importance.

I don’t think there should be any sort of argument about what he wears, though. Does he have a say in your dress? Probably not. And as far as the BM dresses and GM attire, that should be a compromise if he’s interested.

I don’t think a groom not wanting to take a backseat to the planning of his wedding is ‘zilla at all.

Mine is very involved. The way I see it, it’s his wedding too. We both want to be represented. His family is making fun of him (though theyre very much of the mindset that the bride is most important), but I don’t want to do this alone, nor do I want to shut him out.

As was stated, perhaps he’s been dreaming of this day as well. Or perhaps he wants to be involved and have it reflect him just as much. I also like the suggestion that you make a list of things and have each of you rank them in order of importance.

I don’t think there should be any sort of argument about what he wears, though. Does he have a say in your dress? Probably not. And as far as the BM dresses and GM attire, that should be a compromise if he’s interested.

I don’t think a groom not wanting to take a backseat to the planning of his wedding is ‘zilla at all.

I don’t think there is a thing as too much groom input…considering it’s his wedding also. I know we get lost in the wanting what we want for our wedding, but we need to remember it’s OUR wedding and it’s his big day too. I say compromise and don’t shoe him out of any input. Let him have a say. How would you feel if he restricted your say?? Yes, weddings are usually planned by us brides but it doesn’t mean they should be allowed a certain amount of say….atleast not in my eyes.

You should be glad your fiance is being overly involved. My husband was very relaxed and carefree, and didn’t really have much of an opinion on anything. Sometimes I wanted to strangle him because he never gave me any input on anything! But yes, just remember that it’s his wedding too, so you both need to meet in the middle. Let him handle certain things that are most important to him, and you handle things that are most important to you.