November 06, 2010

I enjoy the Millionaire Matchmaker as much as the next couch potato, but there’s something about Patti Stanger’s “tough love” critiquing that irks the hell outta me. It’s her outright rejection of short and /or curly hair, and the blanket statement that men with money are not attracted to these attributes. I’m not the only one who’s just a little bit annoyed by this – the lovely ladies at Naturally Curly have created a Facebook Group dedicated to stopping the “curl bashing”.

But from my vantage point, I take issue with her views for two reasons:

1) It’s just not true. I have extremely curly hair, which I wore long for quite some time, and I now wear super duper short (basically, I asked my stylist for a little boy’s haircut, haha). And here’s what I know, from personal experience: 10 times out of 10 men very much prefer my hair curly to straight. And – to my surprise, actually – I've gotten more attention wearing my hair short than long. Imagine that.

2) The statement is actually kinda racist. I mean, think about it. If you’re a Black woman, your hair is curly by nature. Sorry world, that’s just how it is. So Patti seems to be advocating relaxers (you know, those chemicals that can burn through a plastic cup if left for a couple days…those chemicals that make hair break and fall out - super great stuff) and curling irons (straight from the horse’s mouth, on her Facebook page: “I like stylish curly/wavy hair, but my millionaire men don't. So, go buy a flat iron...). Either that, or she’s saying men are fundamentally NOT attracted to us. Boo for Black women, tough luck, we won’t find love because our hair isn’t desirable to men as a species. Because all men think alike, after all – or at least men with money do.

Maybe Patti doesn’t understand the damage that straightening a Black woman’s hair can reek - both to her hair and, in my opinion, to her sense of self. Or, more likely, maybe she does and she just doesn’t give a crap. Either way, she’s wrong. So wrong.

June 02, 2010

My first night in Chicago, I rolled 2 suitcases into an
empty apartment that was somehow “mine” and promptly freaked out.I couldn’t stay there alone, on a sofa
I’d just bought off a stranger (the only piece of furniture in the apartment at
the time). So I ran to a friend’s house – a girl from Boston who came to
Chicago for a 2-month project – and crashed on her couch for the rest of the
week. At that point, she was my only friend in the city.

When she left, though, I was on my own to meet people. And
can I just say, traditional ways of “making friends” (especially girlfriends) is
WAY harder than you’d expect. It sucks. Bad. It sucks so bad that I’m going to
write a whole separate post about it sometime.

That’s why last week I asked out my waitress. I was at a bar
feeling pretty outgoing after a few too many Bombay-and-Tonics. She was serving
my table trying to get us extra food and drink deals. She mentioned she just
moved from Brooklyn and had a thing for dead birds… and I was sold. A girl at
my table and I asked her out on a “friendship date” – just 3 East Coast gals on
the town! - and the coolest part about it was that she didn’t find the
proposition weird at all. She seemed flattered, in fact. We exchanged numbers,
a few fun-loving texts, and next thing I knew I had plans for the following
Tuesday.

What an awesome time we had

.

If you’re a young woman living in a new city, I highly
recommend this mode of meeting new people. Making girlfriends is so hard
because – it seems to me – women are far less likely to put themselves out there for
other women. We chitchat and exchange numbers and go out on dates with guys,
but we don’t put that same energy towards making girlfriends… which is
infinitely more important than wasting time worrying about guys who turn out to
be pathological liars or self-obsessed sommeliers or – God forbid – BOTH (that actually happened, thankfully not to me). Forget that. Right now, I'd much rather enjoy an al fresco brunch
and people watch with a gal pal.

May 10, 2010

My grandmother used to always say to me, “All that hair. Don’t EVER cut it.” I always
assumed she knew some secret – like maybe once you cut little-Black-girl-hair it
doesn’t ever grow back (a thought that absolutely terrified me). But then I grew up and
grew out my relaxer and realized that my hair grows pretty darn fast. So I began
asking myself this: why is it such a travesty for a Black woman with long hair
to cut it short?

I’ve worn my hair long my whole life, most recently like
this:

Not surprisingly, this ‘do attracted much attention from
strangers – like the middle-aged woman with the crazy eyes who attempted to
stroke my hair while waiting in line for the bathroom – but also from Black/interracial women like me that I've known for years. In fact, I’ve had more wonderful conversations
with Black girlfriends about the pros of natural hair than I can count. So I
guess I was a bit taken off-guard by the cringes and outbursts from these
friends when I announced I was cutting my hair short.Almost as if my haircut was a personal affront to Black
women everywhere.

I always thought that wearing my hair natural provided me
with freedom from hot irons and burning chemicals. But actually, it bound me in
a different way by appointing me with a social responsibility that I neither
anticipated nor asked for: the local face of big, bold natural hair. Funny how
that works. But I think women – especially Black women – should afford each
other with the luxury of choice.

So now my hair’s short! Like, super duper short. And someday
it’ll be long again. But here’s what’s true: how I wear it will always be my
choice. And cutting it was one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life
thus far… as is being able to wash and dry it in 5 minutes flat.

April 09, 2010

After graduating from college, my friend Liz taught at a public elementary school in the Bronx for 4 years through Teach For America. You'd think a Jewish girl from Oldtown Philly would be intimidated by such a prospect. Not Liz. In fact, I'd classify her as the teacher every kid wants - funny, smart, and not afraid to get down and dirty in the classroom. For example, if the kids got too rowdy she'd instill a 20 minute mandatory "dance party" so they could let off a little steam (of course, during this time she'd work on her Soulja Boy as well). She also made frequent house visits, and ended up befriending many of the kid's parents (well, mostly single moms actually).

But what really made Liz such a jewel in the classroom? She treated her kids like equals. Like friends - even loved ones. And the stories that come out of such relationships...

March 31, 2010

Wow. I guess I’ve noticed that ads don’t really speak to me
as a single woman… but I always assumed the problem was me. After all, I probably should
be married with kids by now, buying Bounty by the bulk and cleaning up my kid’s spilled juice. Guess I’m on the fringe.

Apparently not. Just read this neat article on the
Marketplace site, which states that 44% of all women over 18 are single. But
advertising for things other than fashion-related products, feminine hygiene
products, and, um kitty litter rarely target us. I wonder why?

Truth is, 9 times out of 10 advertisers are tasked with
presenting an “ideal” – and when it comes to women, this ideal is either a sexy
woman that all men crave or a happy mom carting around 1,000 kids. The general
consensus, so it seems, is that being a single woman is a sad, sad predicament
(course, being a single guy RULES – you get to hang with the bros and hit on
chicks in your beer closet and all). The horror of being a single woman can be
remedied by, well, A) turning yourself into a sexy woman that all men crave,
or B) showing off your great housewife potential. That’s where advertising
comes in. See how that works? (Skip to about 4:30 in this clip to watch Don wax
poetic on the subject to Peggy).

This is all to say, being a single woman is not “ideal” in
this country, mirrored by the ad world. Which is too bad, really, because there’s
such opportunity here. Imagine all the awesome ads single-lady copywriters like
me could come up with. Hopefully we’ll get our shot at it soon enough.

March 17, 2010

The morning after boozy nights, a girlfriend of mine would prepare me her trusted hangover remedy: three drops of Milk Thistle in a
cup of water. Apparently Milk Thistle increases liver function or some such.
But it also tastes like urine, which proved counteractive to the whole
nausea thing.

The best way to avoid a hangover? 1. Eat before you drink. 2.
Drink Gin. That is all.

March 08, 2010

I wasn't sure if this lady was legit angry or just really wanted to get in her acceptance speech before the music started. Turns out there was a tight situation around this whole scene. Here's the whole story, but the quote that really sums up the sentiment (from the linked Salon.com interview with mic hijacker Elinor Burkett):

"And then, as I'm sure you saw, when we won, he raced up there to accept the award. And his mother took her cane and blocked me."