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Since we can’t fully escape the muddle of it all, let’s review what we know about Jesus and Santa, the two central figures of an American Christmas:

Appearance: Jesus has “no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him,” as Isaiah says. As for Santa, “His eyes – how they twinkled! his dimples how merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!” as Clement Clarke Moore writes. Makes you want to pinch a chubby cheek.

Home life: Jesus: A rambler and homeless by choice who once said, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.” He was a bachelor, unless you believe Dan Brown. Santa: Reportedly lives in comfort and seclusion at the North Pole with his wife of many years and an extensive staff.

Transportation: Jesus: Walking and an occasional donkey ride. Santa: A flying sleigh and an occasional ride in the Little Saint Nick, which is a candy-red, four-speed bobsled if you believe The Beach Boys.

Lifespan: Jesus: Only 33 years, unless eternity counts. Santa: Born in Turkey in 270, so he’s now 1,747 years old but looks younger.

Friends: Jesus: About a dozen guys, plus people he meets on the road here and there. Seems to attract groupies. Santa: Pen pal with millions of children, but not much for adult company.

Violent side: Jesus: Once threw a tantrum in the temple, whipping merchants and wrecking their tables. Santa: In the fourth century, was jailed overnight for slapping Arius, a rebel theologian who wouldn’t agree that Jesus was eternal.

Archenemies: Jesus: Satan, Death. Santa: Burgermeister Meisterburger.

Diet: Jesus: Enjoys big feasts now and then, but subsists mostly on bread and fish. Santa: Subsists mostly on handouts of cookies, milk, coffee – and in the UK mince pies and Guinness.

Kid-friendly? Jesus: Children love him, and he suggests adults be more like them. Santa: Nice children love him, but he gives naughty ones what they deserve.

Worldview: Jesus: Sees himself as a new manna, sent down from God as a loving, eternal, global, nourishing gift of life for all who will eat. Santa: Brings toys to (nice) children around the world to cultivate a spirit of generosity.

Believers: Jesus: A 2010 Pew survey showed about 40 percent of Americans believing Jesus will return to the world by 2050. Santa: A 2013 Pew survey showed about 70 percent of U.S. parents and about 20 percent of adults without children at least pretending that Santa visits their home.

Final question: For which of those two potential visits are you best prepared?