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Exams and disappointments

As expected, my semester two results was disappointing. I failed to meet my sponsor’s requirement for the second time *sigh*. In high school, I really do think with that much effort, I can at least achieve my target but now, well let’s just say it is so much harder than I thought. I’m writing this as a self reminder that I always need to give a hundred per cent effort in everything I do. I have to admit that sometimes I feel tired or bored of studying. I always assume that what I studied is already enough to answer those papers but now I realised that my effort it is not even close to ‘enough’. I’m actually bored of studying for my test right now that I’m writing this in hoping that I could give myself some motivation. Haih, when will this lazy sickness ever leave me?

You know the feeling of watching your friends receive better results than you and have that kind of jealously? I have to admit I feel that all the time and that’s bad. I mean you should be supportive of your friends rather than be bitter about it right? So my Ramadan resolution this year is to clear my heart from negativity. This jealously is seriously toxic to ones heart. Sometimes it can made you feel as though you are better than someone else. It’s really bad and I don’t want it to consume my heart anymore. Rather than feeling bitter or even jealous, I should work harder to improve myself right?

So here, I am going to put on a list on what I should do for my final semester

1. To study every day and do more exercises.

2. Complete my homework on the same day (NO MORE DELAYING!)

3.NO SLEEPING IN THE EVENING! Girl, you know that sleeping after Asar is not good. You have to stop that habit, seriously.

4. Pray on time, recite the quran more often and do more sunnah prayers.

5. No sleeping in on weekends. Ugh this is the hardest part guys -____-

I’ll keep the list to just five for now. To be able to achieve all that is an achievement already! But most importantly, I always need to remember to check my intention every day (betulkan niat). Whatever we do in this world, we have to do it for the sake of Him. Lillahitaala. And He will do the rest. So yeah, I certainly need to remember that.

And lastly, I have this one ayat from surah Ar-Rahman which would always remind me why I should not give up

فَبِأَيِّ آلَاءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ

“So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny?”

He already granted me a scholarship to study overseas, what more can I wish for? Is that not enough for me to study and get good results? Sometimes we forgot of all the rezeki we have and took it for granted. Girl, you received all that you wished for, all that is left for you to do now is to study. Getting bored of studying should never be your excuse ever again.