Samuel

I have an infinity-themed friend tattoo with my best friends named Kassu and Lappu. We think friendship is eternal and hopefully, and I believe so, we will remain as friends forever. The idea of getting tattoos together is based on the time before when loved ones took tattoos so they could find each other again in the afterlife. And we are all rainbow people with full of sin so… (laughs) so we find each other in the middle of hellfire when the time comes.

Each of us has our own, styled infinity themed tattoos. I have a tribal styled tattoo because I’m such a man (laughter), so much testosterone. And Lappu is such a funny and goofy mate that she has hands and fingers forming an infinity eight. And Kassu has an anchor where two ropes go in the middle, also meaning that we always get dragged by Kassu, haha. We are always on each other’s skin.

The tattoo I have on my shoulder is perhaps the most beloved, perhaps not the most relevant, but I think my finest tattoo to this date. Princess Leia is a reflection of that I like all nerdy things because I am a terrible nerd. But she is also so good example of a strong female character in Star Wars. It also reflects how much I have strong women in my life. Like my mom and my sisters. I’m also happy it’s kind of memorial tattoo for Carrie Fisher, who unfortunately died last December (2016). It’s a great way to remember such a great actor and personality by taking a picture of her to the skin. Even though this is not a direct picture of her, though. It’s done by Jelencsik “Jelo” Gábor in Hungary. Jelo has a cartoony art style which is why I’m really glad that I accidentally ended up to get the tattoo from him. This describes me well as a geek.

Then there’s this wolf. It’s my first tattoo, I do not remember how old I was when I took it, maybe I was nineteen. The wolf is my totem/spirit animal. This also has a special meaning because it has hidden initials of my sisters, with whom I’ve spent a lot of time with and who are very dear and important people for me. I wanted them to be included in the wolf because without my siblings I would be more lonely than the wolf without the pack. And it roars because even though sometimes I howl for the moon, I’m never alone because of my sisters.

Home is where the Hearthstone is – tattoo. It’s dedicated to my favourite video game ever, World of Warcraft. In the game you always get back home when you have the Hearthstone. So in a way, I’m always home. Even though I still do not know exactly what my hearthstone is, but on the other hand, at this moment I can say that it is my dog Amos. When I have Amos I know that I’m at home wherever I am.

I can already tell you about what tattoos I’m taking later this year, to my fists: Darth Vader and Stormtrooper.

Darth Vader is so amazing character that represents how anyone can turn evil. Love, or some other reason like liquor, drugs, something like that triggers something dramatic in person and somehow they turn to the dark side. Mental health problems, all like this. It is somehow so amazing how George Lucas has came up with a character like Vader. It represents the two sides of man, we all have that, it is again your choice of which one you give the power to. Darth Vader also describes this process of my life, that I was not happy with my way before. I kind of accepted that I was transgendered. In a way, I could say that I was inverted from Darth Vader. Before I was a gloomy, bad person in a way but after I dared to admit to myself that I am really transgender, I kind of transformed to be Anakin. I started to live on the bright side because the bad feeling inside me started to fade. And the Stormtrooper I want to get because it’s so cool (laughter). And it’s a bit like no Vader without Stormtroopers and vice versa. It is also known legend that Stormtroopers are bad at shooting targets, so it kind of represents me too in life, haha!

Star Wars movies are so great and it always excites me how something like these stories can affect so much to somebody. I also like to have Darth Vader on my right fist because it’s my stronger fist. If sometimes there are situations in work, Vader will fix it!

I also have one tattoo idea, wonderful picture from a comic book called Vader’s Little Princess by Jeffrey Brown. When I have a child someday, a daughter hopefully, I would be the Darth Vader one and my daughter would be like little Princess Leia. I love this picture, how it’s drawn and because it’s so sympathetic, I could imagine our relationship would be exactly like this.

Vader’s Little Princess by Jeffrey Brown

How I kind of realised I am a transgender, a man, begins with one special night with my friend Kassu. I have always thought about the possibility I’m maybe a transgender but I kind of settled in to be “just” a lesbian. I thought I didn’t want to go through all the hassle, so many problems and difficulties. But then one night, I think we weren’t even drunk, Kassu suddenly said out loud: “Haven’t you really thought about the possibility that maybe you’re a trans, maybe you should actually start the process?” I just answered I don’t know. Somehow that night began to haunt me, and everything we were talking repeated in my head.

Then one evening I just collapsed to my girlfriend then, I cried and noted that now I realise who I really am. I don’t even remember what I told her. She said the same, she had thought maybe I’m a man and somehow after that, I got the courage to admit the whole thing. It was like a sudden click, this is it, I know who I really am. I prefer myself as a non-binary man instead of a transman.

Tattoos are my force, I’m one with the force and the force is with me!