IT Experts Recommend Turning Government Off and On Again to Make It Work

As the bill to avoid a government shutdown passes to the Senate, information technology experts have advised that turning the U.S. government off and on again might be the best method to get it to function properly.

“I noticed the government lagging a bit recently,” said tech support specialist Harold Glenn. “In this situation, I always recommend turning it off for 30 days or so then rebooting.”

Announced Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer, “We plan on taking the experts’ advice and shutting down all operations related to running the country for a while, just to let it cool off, you know.”

Troubleshooting the administration of the world’s greatest superpower is tricky business. But Glenn says there is often a simple IT solution to even the most seemingly complex problems.

“Sometimes unplugging Mitch McConnell for a couple hours then plugging him back in works,” he said. “It’s always hard to tell whether he’s really on or not.”

Glenn added that when decision-making speeds are slow, it helps to check whether you have your pop-up blocker enabled and the most recent version of John McCain downloaded. You should also close out Diane Feinstein and reload her after clearing your browser cache, he said.

“Really, you just have to hope you’re not dealing with Ted Cruz malware,” he added. “That usually causes a total hard drive crash.”