We all have this days when we don’t know how to feel. We have a lot of stuff stuck in our head. Everything is going on the wrong way, not the one we want. Times passes us by & we don’t even notice about it. We are so occupied trying to fix our feelings, our thoughts, our little messed up world that we forget about living. We spend too much time thinking about what would life be, if we’ve done something different. But the truth is that we can’t fix what we did. Past is just right there, in the past. It’s GONE. We just have to get over it, no matter how hard it is to.

I’ve been waken up lots of nights trying to figure out things from my life, but to be honest the only thing I can do is just stare at the roof & imagine the life which I would rather prefer to have. Ruining all my sleeping schedule out for nothing.

I know that at some point all this stuff sucks. Nevertheless we have to stop willing for things we can’t have. Let’s focus on things that actually matters. Yeah; we lost a lover, we’ll find a new one; we lost a friend, if he/she was a real one they would not have leave us behind; we lost a scholarship, work harder & show them you’re better than that.

Sometimes been a teenager can be really devastating, but crap we have to get up, wash our faces and show the world what are we made of. If we just cry all day and night, we’re just showing how sensitive we are and belive it or not we’re actually giving up & letting them win.

Facing things can be a hurtful process but at the end we’ll see a great result & nothing will be more satisfying than realising how much you’ve done and achieved during those whole years of effort and those late nights with coffee cups beside our beds.

Life can give us lots of punches on the stomach, but at the end we learn from them. Thanks to all those mistakes we can be the person who we are now. We learn from them. We expect not to repeat them, but we are all humans & we definately have the right to mess up things, make mistakes. But mostly to realize that we are more than just a simple word or action or name or whatever, because we are awesome just the way we are.

Anxiety has been a problem since I started high school, I’ve already had several break downs and got into the hospital because of it.

Over thinking is one of the most common symptoms I have when I’m going to start with an anxiety break down. My head starts hurting like hell, I just can’t focus on anything, every single problem, memory, person comes through my mind at the same time. My heart starts racing, I feel tightening on the chest, start with quick breathing and restlessness.

There are some nights when I just can’t sleep, so I just start watching YouTube videos, which are basically about my favorite tv series or movies, and I just cry out my eyes without any reason. Why? Because information gets stuck in our heads like we need to check out every single thing that happens to us, movies and tv shows personally affect me a lot when I’m going through a similar situation, feeling like nobody cares or likes you because some foolish reasons, being paralyzed by a new project or presentation or experience, feel like you’re alone in this big world.

I’ve been trying to deal with this problem, with such things that actually work for me like

Listening to music without headphones, cause if I start with earphones I just get lost and my head starts to hurt again, so when my anxiety has already slow down a little, I just put earphones on.

Smell peppermint; this actually helps me a lot, so I can relax and slow down my breathing

Close my eyes and start breathing slowly

Try not to think on anything, just focusing on my own breathing

But what mostly works its music, I don’t know what I would do without it, I’m basically listening to music every single day, every single time. When I have this break downs all I can do is play my Shawn Mendes songs and just focus on his voice, I don’t know how his voice can control my anxiety, its like magic I swear. When everything gets calm I start listening to my focus playlist on Spotify, and my anxiety goes away for the night.

I know how this thing can make you feel sad and angry and frustrated at the same time, but believe me, find those things that can make you feel better, you’ll go through them and youll feel better, I know that its hard, but remember that you’re the only one that can control it, so don’t be afraid and fight against those anxiety break downs that makes us feel the most vulnerable person in the world, cause we are not. I highly recommend to try out those things I mention maybe you have that one artist or that one person that can help you get calm.

Every single night I used to have this nightmare, it all began when I started reading those Shadowhunters series, but first let me tell you something, I can’t remember anything from my past, I’ve already forgotten every single thing that happened to me during my childhood, the only thing I can remember its a little boy, this guy that appears in every single dream I have, the problem it’s that I don’t even know his name, he’s just there as a grown up guy, but I know that he’s the little boy I remember from my childhood.

How can the books relate with my nightmare? In the book Clary can’t remember her past until she discovers she’s into the Shadowhunter world, when she’s with the silent brothers and the Soul-Sword, she starts to remember little fragments of her life, while reading that scene I actually started remembering some of mine too, creepy huh!

The dream always starts the same way, I’m in a kind of college with that guy, btw we are actually in a romantic relationship which is weird af, we just go to my normal high school and keep with a normal life, there we are just as normal teenagers living their lives.

This guy has Jace attitude, he’s just so sarcastic, mean, selfish but also he has that sensitive side he’s so caring and honest and charming, also he’s good-looking. I’ve tried finding this guy, with this characteristics but I just can’t, I try to remember but nothing seems to be real. But that’s not all the relation I’ve seen, Teen Wolf is also part of this, the tv show series have something that actually made me freak the most, the first part of last season talks about remembering, everything it’s about remembering this guy, it talks about the girl who’s trying to remember the guy, she knows he’s real but she can’t see him at all, only with her supernatural skills and in her dreams, after trying a lot he actually find the way to come back and they get together just the way they were meant to be.

In my case that hasn’t happened yet, I don’t know if its going to happen, he talks to me in all those dreams, he whispers things but when I wake up I just can’t remember anything about him or what he said last night, I don’t even remember his face, just the back of his head and simple characteristics like hair and skin color, I take it as a nightmare cause dreaming about someone you love, like really love, but without knowing who the hell he is, it’s just a nightmare for me, the most scaring thing it’s that I know that I have already met him before, there’s something blocked in my head which makes me get stuck in my last memories and not the first ones, I’ve tried a lot of things but nothing happens, maybe at the end of this high school year and when I head off to college I might find him or maybe it’s just that, a constant nightmare.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot of what should I do with my future, I’ve been stressing out for all this stuff and I actually wasn’t even think about it in a focused way, tonight I was just watching awkward *I’ve already talked about that series btw* and I just realized that finishing that show has open my mind a lot.

I can say that I can be a like to Jenna Hamilton in a certain way, some experiences she has during the show have shown me a lot and I’ve been learning from them, I know that we have to find our own voice and to reach what we must want in life, but watching this show has helped me a lot to find out those little things that happen in high school such as love, friendship and education, things which maybe I haven’t realized before, but for now I can truly say that we all make mistakes, we all need to learn from them, and sometimes it is fate to be in a specific place, with a specific person and in a specific time.

I know that time let us know who we really want to be, but during the journey we have to discover ourselves, I’ve never been the girl who knows everything, I’m not the girl who’s always has the answers, I’ve made lots of mistakes, but nothing will be the same if I hadn’t made them, they’re part of me and without them I will not be the same person I am now.

During this journey I’ve learned a lot, watching all those movies, tv shows or series, I’ve realized that sometimes we only need a little help to go through all this stuff and survive along this thing called LIFE cause at the end we all have a purpose on this world, and we need to fight hard to find which is our destiny.

I can’t belive how the authors of Awkward. could have made all of this, I’m just impressed, there are such many chapters which I just can’t handle, pressing the pause button was the only solution to take a minute and think about my own problems, trying to find what I was doing wrong at that time, this show brought me a lot of laugh, tears, smiles but the most important thing I really learned about how hard life can be, how harsh people can turn out. I would really recommend this show to all those ones that need a little of high school and teenage knowledge, it really helps, also personally I had this days in which I started watching it and I just could not understand a word of it, those times I just close the tab and watch another thing, I don’t know how, but you’ll only watch the show in the right time, when you really need it. I discovered this show in my fifth semester of high school and I could be more thankful for it, this show has been an anchor that lets me keep going with things that I thought were not relevant at all, I really think it was just a sign maybe even fate.

Maybe this is more a review about a series than something personal, but for me it has been a whole experience which by the way has taught me more that even some of own experiences, I’m really thankful for those awkward authors, they must be really proud of their work, because they really nailed it.

“Without bad days we could never appreciate the good ones”

Sharing what we think is a good way to free our minds from the rough stuff we are living. Sometimes a little letter, a quote or a 2:00 am morning message can change us, and that is what matters, we have to live as much as we can. Time flies really fast, so we do not have to spend every single minute complaining about everything.
P. D. I do not own this photos, they are from We heart it & Pinterest apps.