Saturday, December 4, 2010

Alright Charlotte is almost 12 weeks old!! That means a number of things. One she is getting older!! I cannot believe how fast this time has gone by. Robbie and I were looking at her first week baby pics and we just could not believe how tiny she was!! She is close to 12lbs now - almost double her birth weight. She is really doing well and we are so lucky to be her parents. She is smiling a lot now and she is really beginning to play with her toys. We even have her splashing, somewhat, in the tub during her baths!! Sometimes I like to watch her while she is sleeping just to see all the cute faces she makes. She is amazing!

The other thing 12 weeks means is that my maternity leave is coming to an end. I will be returning to work on December 13th and I am nervous and excited at the same time. I am looking forward to resuming some part of my "old" life but I am not looking forward to being separated from Charlotte. It has taken us 3 months but we have a great routine and we are really good friends!! Sometimes I think we can communicate without saying a word - which is good because she can't talk yet. I am going to miss my morning smile fests and my gym mat time with her. She is just getting to the point where she can grab toys - we have worked on that all week. I just know she will be able to grab them and shove them in her mouth before I know it and I will have missed it!! This saddens me. It is necessary that I return to work though. We have got to start bringing in some money again. We have been living off savings and short term disability for the last 3 months and it feels like we have been on a huge vacation - just spending money willy nilly and shopping for baby stuff like money grows on trees. Well, it doesn't and momma has to make more!

So, I started therapy this week for my issues with anxiety and my therapist said I am normal and this makes me feel good. My biggest issue has been Charlotte's schedule and I have eased up a bit on her daily routine but her bedtime and morning routines I am still pretty OCD about. These I cannot let go of for some reason. I think the routine is important, honestly, for a nugget this little. Plus, she is doing so well and I can't help but think that some of it is because of the routine! The other thing I have been battling is my intense fear of feeding her in public. This is perhaps the most crazy issue I am experiencing. There is something about this act that sends me into a full blown panic attack. I can think rationally that these feelings are ridiculous but I cannot change them. Well...I have fed her in public...sort of. Here's the story. Robbie and I have not been to the mall in forever and I needed to get some work clothes, since I am chunk now, so we went. I thought we may be back in time to feed her at home but I always take a bottle just in case we get stranded or something. We had been shopping for a bit when we realized it was getting close to time for her to eat. The mall was insane. There were so many people there I was on stimulation overload. I was seriously having a panic attack. Robbie kept saying, "it's okay, it's okay". I kept saying, "I know you think it is okay but it is not okay for me." I was really freaking out. Then I thought about all the times my mom would take me to the Dillard's shoe department and I remembered they usually have a nice lounge area in their bathroom! I bee lined it straight for Dillards, to the elevator, and up to the safe haven of the bathroom lounge. I gathered the diaper bag and Charlotte and left Robbie standing in the formal dress area...sorry Robbie. Got into the bathroom and there was some woman with her, what seemed like a 15 year old, child at the changing table. I took a deep breath and repeated to myself, "Orange juice is okay" - saying my therapist and I came up with...don't ask. She stepped aside and I approached the table (this was also the first time I changed Charlotte in a public place). I got everything set up, changed the diaper, fixed the bottle, and went to the sitting area. Of course I kept dropping stuff all along the way and it was very difficult to gather it all up as I was carrying her and the, now leaking, bottle. We sat down, started to eat, and Charlotte stopped. I thought, I know that look. Are you kidding me Charlie??? Yeah, she pooped. I thought she was done and then it happened. A poop explosion like never before. I reacted quickly by throwing the burp cloth under her butt to save my pants but I could not save hers. It was everywhere! So, I put the lid on the bottle, gathered up my now 4 burp cloths and a blanket, and went to the changing table...again. This time things were a little more precarious with the present Charlotte was carrying. I didn't, of course, take the time to put everything back in the diaper bag neatly from the first change so I had no idea where anything was. It was a mess. I got everything together, bagged up my dirty clothes like the books say, and changed her diaper. I went to get one of the four million outfits I usually have with me and realized...I did not have any pants. I cannot believe I did not have pants!! I always have pants!! Multiple pairs!!! I did find some socks that were too big (yes I had socks but not pants) and I pulled those up to her thighs. I gathered everything back up and went back to the sitting area. Again, I dropped things all along the way. When I got to the sitting area I had my pantless baby in my arms and I was covered in spit-up because I forgot the burp cloths!! It was a mess. Anyway, we resumed feeding and just as we were finishing, thank goodness, a woman sat down across from me and was eyeballing my pantless child, my disheveled hair, and my diaper bag which was open with stuff everywhere. All she said was, "Is this your first one?" I said simply, "yes, and I can't believe I forgot pants." I gathered all the stuff and left the bathroom to greet Robbie with his half naked child. "What happened to her pants?" I just started laughing. We wandered through Dillards trying to find our way out. Along the way I did get her some new pants so she wasn't half naked in the mall. She really didn't seem to mind any of it to be honest. I on the other hand wanted a cigarette. I had a cinnabon instead.

The good thing is that I have fed my child in public. I overcame that fear, among many others today. I am proud of myself. It is the little victories I have to hold onto these days.

Charlotte is so wonderful though and I have really enjoyed my time with her. I cannot wait to share more crazy experiences with her!!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Well our nugget is 2 months old and I cannot believe it. Life is so totally different now and to be honest I am having a hard time adjusting. Everything about life is more difficult now. Sometimes even finding the time to go to the bathroom or shower can be difficult! We are making do though and trying to figure things out as we go. Robbie, not surprisingly, is a natural with Charlotte! For me things are coming a bit more slowly. Some days I feel like a fish out of water just floundering around. Robbie often pulls me back in and I get my bearings. So many things for me are different - my body, my daily routine, my lack of running, my emotional stability. These are not the things you think about when you decide to have a baby. You also don't think about the sleepless nights. Well if you don't have kids think about the sleepless nights at least!

So this blog is going to be more of therapy for me. I feel like I am in the right mind to honestly discuss how things are going. Overall things are going well. Charlotte is happy and healthy and we love her smile for sure. I have had some issues mentally. Looking back I think I had issues before I actually sought treatment but I think that is how it always is right? I have postpartum anxiety/depression. There I said it for the world to hear! I'm not crazy like that lady in Texas...it's a different kind of crazy. My main problem is anxiety. In the beginning, and now a bit less, I was obsessed with Charlotte's schedule. Obsessed. It think it was something I thought I could control. To be honest I did control it and it drove me and those around me crazy. I was, occasionally am, so overwhelmed with anxiety I think it would be better if I wasn't Charlotte's mom. I know this is ridiculous but this is the place I have been for the last 2 months. Not always great. Fortunately, after trying to divorce Robbie twice I decided to face the music and realize something is not right. I called my OB and started taking medication. I don't want to take this forever so I am starting therapy next week. I have also found a really great support group that helps me get from day to day. The point of all this is show that not everyone has the best experience post-partum. I'm just lucky Robbie realized before I did that I was crazy and he wasn't going to leave me. I'm very lucky.

I'm also very lucky to have Charlotte in my life. Her smile brightens my day and her coos are music to my ears. I'm just beginning to enjoy her...thanks zoloft!

So enough about me...Charlotte is doing great! Robbie and I have been super sick this week and Charlotte has, somehow, avoided it! She's a tough cookie I guess!! She is beginning to talk a bit, well coo and she is really getting good head control. We are so excited for her! The pediatrician told us to start to expect things to get easier and for her to be more interactive. The interactive part I buy the easier - doubt it! She is really a great baby and I am so lucky she has her daddy's temperament - calm, cool, collected, cries when hungry!

We have just finished her first Thanksgiving and it is so crazy to think this time last year we were preparing to run a marathon and she was just a thought. Life has changed so dramatically in the last 2 months!

We will try to post some new pics soon too!! Congrats Megan and Jimmy on your little boy - he is so cute! Also, great to finally meet Henry - Laura and Lenhart he is awesome! We have some great friends here in AZ and they always make the holidays bearable without family!! They are our AZ family!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

So our beautiful baby girl is about 6 1/2 weeks old now. I usually wait until the weekend to update the blog but everyone is asleep, daddy included, right now so I figured I might as well do it!! Things are going pretty well I must say. Charlotte is settling into a bit of a routine with a few hiccoughs every now and then. We think she has been going through her 6 week growth spurt because she has been really fussy at 5:30 and wanting to eat every 2 hours from then on until bedtime - usually around 9pm. This is tapering off a bit, we think, so it must have been a phase or something. She really is a great baby! She doesn't fuss all that much so when she does we are both a little troubled. Something has to be wrong right?? I have learned that when she starts to fuss I try to flip my switch over to nurse mode and check her out - she's breathing, her color is normal, she isn't oozing anything from an orifice that shouldn't ooze, basically she is healthy. If this is the case I try not to stress too much. We don't like to hear her cry though and we have only made it 3 minutes before we scoop her up in our arms and cover her in mommy and daddy kisses - totally against all book recommendations but we can't help it.

She is definitely growing up. Last night I was sitting in her room looking at the clothes we brought her home in and they were so tiny!! They were made for a preemie - she is definitely not a preemie now. The last time we weighed her she was almost 9.5lbs!! She is perfect though. Everyone always says, "they grow up so fast" - they do!! She is able to follow us now with her eyes, she knows who her mommy and daddy are for sure, and she is able to laugh and smile a lot more now too! She is starting to interact some when we play with her and that is a lot of fun. Her head control is still questionable. She tries very hard but she is still bobble heading around a bit.

All in all things are moving along pretty good. We are still sleep deprived and I anticipate we will be for quite some time (18 years or so). She does sleep more at night but I have never been a "get up in the middle of the night to complete a task" kind of girl so that alone makes me tired. I am fortunate that I am able to take the full 12 weeks off of work to devote to baby Charlotte. Some days all I want to do is go to work - I know what to do there, there are adults there, and it isn't as stressful. I do work in a hospital so there is always a chance that I would be spit up on or I would have to change a dirty diaper - that would not be different. I realize though that a lot of women do not get the chance to be with their newborn during this time so I am grateful for sure!! Plus, I get to catch up on all my reality TV during nap time!! Today I am going to organize the pantry - I am so excited!!! :)

Robbie has been pretty busy now too. In addition to the baby, his school, and teaching it is time for him to apply for jobs. That is right folks! 7 years ago we migrated to the desert for Robbie to study philosophy and eventually become a professor. Well, the time has come. Robbie has started to apply for jobs. Our initial hope was that we would move back to KY when he was done with school here. Given the jobs that are available that is unlikely. At this point we are just hoping he gets a job. I will say that I have a good job here and if he gets a crappy job (which is possible but I think unlikely) my vote is to just stay here and try again next year. We will see. I am learning that I don't know much about the philosophy job market. All I need to know is the following:

Did you get a job?Where is it?How much does it pay?How long will it last?

I will play a larger role in this move than I did the last time. As a new nurse, young, and lacking any preference I moved here without really debating it. Now, I am a mother (and yes he is a father) and a woman with somewhat of a career. I have to make sure the move accommodates all of us. We should know by December if he has any job interviews. If interviews result from the applications we should know by April if he has any job offers! This is an exciting time for all of us!! Exciting, challenging, and scary all at once!

So, this update wasn't too funny but I figured we haven't really "updated" folks in a while. This is where we are at right now! This weekend I plan to attend a Jewish food festival to witness the Guinness book of world records attempt at the largest matzo ball. My life is so exciting right now!!

Monday, October 25, 2010

So, a friend of ours recently updated her blog with some tips that she has found helpful since having a beautiful baby boy. We thought this was a great idea. Here are some of things we have discovered along the way...

Before your bambino arrives:1.) Just go ahead and sleep on the couch. I refused and fought this for a while but once I gave in I slept much better during pregnancy.2.) Buy baby books and mentally prepare yourself to throw them out the window after he/she arrives.3.) Try to maintain your exercise routine and try to avoid the donuts. I am now 50lbs heavier (still almost 6 weeks later) and it is tough to get it off!! Although those donuts were delicious!!4.) Significant others - no she does not look fat in those sweatpants!5.) You really only need to take one pregnancy test...not 10 (or 40)!!6.) Invest in one of those schick Intuition razors. Once you can no longer see your legs shaving is a nightmare. This has the shaving gel already on it and it was very helpful.7.) Go ahead and throw your modesty out the window now. You will be more emotionally prepared on labor day.8.) Invest in a good pair of stretchy yoga pants! I lived in these towards the end!9.) Enjoy the silence while you have it. The sound of her voice is usually comforting but sometimes it can really pierce your eardrums!! Especially when you are trying to burp her on your shoulder and she would rather do something else!10.) Just know that you will never be prepared enough!

During labor:1.) Believe you can do this!2.) Make sure your modesty is nonexistent. Your butt will be exposed, your lady bits will be exposed, and your boobs will be exposed. There is no way around it.3.) Know that when your water breaks it continues to leak for a bit of time. Like a warm stream of urine for about an hour.4.) Shower right before you go to the hospital - you have know idea how long you will be there.5.) Eat right before you go to the hospital - you have know idea how long you will be there.6.) Significant others, no she is not pooping.7.) Know that you will poop, make peace with it, and move on!8.) Don't let your significant other eat a cheeseburger while you are in labor. I almost killed him for a bite!9.) Bring your own toiletries - the shower afterward will be much better!10.) Be willing to change your birth-plan!!

After your bundle of joy enters the world:1.) Enjoy the first night in the hospital - our baby slept her best this night.2.) Get a sleep sheep.3.) Sleep and plays are great! Get the ones that zip. All those buttons at 3am can be irritating!4.) Diapers can be an issue. We found trial and error was necessary before we found the right ones for Charlotte. It may be the most expensive aren't the best fit for you - BONUS!5.) Make no major decisions during feedings midnight - 8am. We found we have very poor judgment during this time. 6.) Throw away those baby books!! They will drive you crazy. I do have the Baby Wise book and we follow it for the schedule but other than that we rely on our pediatrician for advice.7.) Establish some sort of schedule and realize it will probably not stick everyday. It will work for the most part.8.) If you think your baby has pooped - take a peek if you must but do not remove the diaper. This is a slow process for babies and we have wasted a lot of diapers. 9.) When you are changing your diaper for "just pee" take this off slowly, allow the cool air to hit his or her bits, and then lay the diaper back on the baby. We have found that Charlotte really likes to pee after we have removed the diaper. This saves a few diapers every now and then.10.) Cut yourself some slack. This is a learning process for all parties involved and no one gets it "right" the first time around.

So, we are not experts. We do not even endorse the advice above all of the time but this is what we have found so far. If you follow something above and it doesn't work for you then try something else - duh ruh! Everyday is different and what worked today may not work tomorrow. Case in point - Charlotte is never fussy. Today she is fussy and it is catching me off guard!

Saturday, October 2, 2010

So, the title of this blog post may be confusing to some. For those of you Seinfeld fans you will know it is referring to George Costanza (my male counterpart). I am referencing George because this pregnancy and our newborn care (up to this point) has been the opposite of everything we thought it would be. There is a hilarious episode of Seinfeld where George decides to do the opposite of everything he thinks he should do - thus my inspiration for this post.

Let's start from the VERY beginning. We heard it would take months to get pregnant...the opposite...we were pregnant within a month of trying.

We thought we loved our OB/GYN...the opposite...we had the worst experience ever at our first prenatal appointment. The good thing is that we were referred to the fabulous Dr. Gayle Dean!!

We thought we were having a boy...the opposite...IT'S A GIRL!!

We thought I was going to be able to run and keep up my usual activity level during the pregnancy...the opposite...I gained 55lbs and could barely climb a flight of stairs. That is rapidly changing I might add! I am attempting to regain some shape to my body and regain some endurance.

We heard first time moms always have their babies late...the opposite...she was a week early.

We wanted a natural childbirth...the opposite...pitocin, epidural, IV ABX, and internal fetal monitoring during labor. We are glad, however, that she was born happy and healthy!

The hardest opposite to swallow so far...we thought we were going to breastfeed...the opposite...we can't. I say 'we' to try and take the blame off myself for a bit but it seems to fall back on my shoulders. I am learning to make piece with this issue but you can't help but feel slightly less of a mom. The story is below. I vowed this blog would be open and honest and as much as I want to forget this is all happening and pretend we are breastfeeding champions of the world, I can't.

I am sure there are more but I am a little scatter brained right now. Case in point, I was allotted my hour of free time out of the house and I ventured to babies R us for more diapers and formula. Cart full and coupons in hand I approached the cashier only to realize I did not have my debit card - nice.

So, the breastfeeding story. You do everything they say to do - skin on skin post delivery, attempt to breastfeed as soon as possible, allow them to nurse as long and as frequently as they want initially, massage, pump, etc. We did all this and thought things were just tough because they are tough when you have a newborn. In the hospital we ran into our first issue - she nursed for an hour without satisfaction. We would keep trying and she would still be "hungry" appearing. We had the lactation consultants come in and they provided us with a supplemental nurser - a device to provide formula while still breastfeeding. She gobbled it up! For some reason this did not send up any red flags. We brought her home and continued the way we were instructed. Our first weigh in at the pediatrician went okay and the second one we actually gained weight!! We thought, okay the nights are horrendous but its working so let's keep going. The third weigh in she showed signs of losing weight. She was born tiny so weight loss was not okay with the pediatrician. At this point she instructed us to supplement formula at every feeding and to pump to determine what/if I had a good milk supply. The result - nope! I was able to produce about 2oz of breastmilk in 24 hours - this is less than what she eats at one feeding!! I am still pumping and am able to provide her one serving of breastmilk a day. I guess something is better than nothing...

This is tough for me. The thought that "breast is best" is shoved down your throat the second you find out you are pregnant and when you can't provide your daughter "the best" you feel like you aren't doing your job as a mother. I will say that once we started feeding her she has become a much happier and more alert baby - I guess starving her wasn't something she enjoyed. Robbie has been pretty supportive during this but you can't help but think you are letting him down too. This is his daughter too after all.

So, at this point we are formula feeding and it makes her poop stink something awful! The good news - she only poops once a day (pediatrician is aware and says this is fine). The bad news - she only poops once a day and it is HUGE!!!

We had our two week check-up yesterday and she is absolutely thriving!! She is back to her birth weight, 6lbs 1 ounce, and she has grown an inch - 19.5 inches!!! She is sleeping pretty well during the night too!! We have her on a strict feeding schedule during the day and at night we try to get her sleep up to 5 hours at a time - so far we have hit that mark once! It is still early and I am not expecting her to sleep through the night. I am just glad we have a little predictability to her feeding schedule. This helps me maintain the delusion that I am in control over anything going on in my life right now!

All in all things are going okay in the Wagoner household. Charlotte is so adorable and she makes the most hilarious faces sometimes. I'm not going to pretend it is all lollypops and flowers - it is tough work. On the days I am here alone my schedule surrounds her feedings and I am lucky to have an hour and half between feedings to do other things - laundry, cleaning, showering, etc. Besides all the wonderful health benefits of breastfeeding, there is also a lot less dishwashing to do! It is all worth it, though, and I am so grateful she is in our lives!

We have gotten the go ahead to take Charlotte out into the world but I cannot bring myself to do it yet. We haven't really even left the second floor of our town home yet...once we did and I had heartburn the whole time!

Well, that's all I can think of right now. My mind is constantly racing and I am slowly getting to the point where I can organize my thoughts. Hopefully the posts will get better!

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Alright so our little bundle of joy is 1 week old today - gosh time flies. Before I forget the details I want to start this post with the most hilarious part of this week and it occurred last night at 3am. Let me paint the picture for you. I was holding baby Charlotte, after a pee diaper change, and I heard "the noise". This noise is new. We have only heard it a couple of times but it is one of those sounds that has a universal meaning - poop is coming! Any way, I staggered back to the changing table, hair wild, and dressed in an outfit only a new nursing mother can relate to (I was/am a hot mess) to find only a small amount of poop had resulted from that big noise. I thought I got off easy. Then the volcano erupted. It started squirting out! I had to act quickly and throw a burp cloth over her butt to prevent it from squirting off the changing table. By now, because of my screams, Robbie was in the nursery. He was exhausted looking, his $500 glasses crooked because he at some point fell asleep with them on and rolled or stepped on them in the middle of the night, and his outfit left a lot to be desired too. As the poop-plosion was occurring Robbie begins to yell, "Poop in her mouth Charlie!" Sounds gross but after the week we have had and at 3am we both started laughing hysterically. It was hilarious! I would say that it made it the best night so far! (I seriously typed fart and had to delete the "t")

Now that story is behind me...This week has been challenging to say the least. I have been riding the biggest emotional roller coaster of my life. I am happy and pleased with the way things are going one second and then crying and frustrated the next. I would like to redo the paper I wrote in college on the analysis of the movie Sybil and tell the professor that Sybil did not have multiple personalities she just had a baby!! You are so excited to have this wonderful baby but there are times you can't enjoy it because your baby blues get in the way. The last couple of days have been great for me. I didn't cry at all last night, except for tears of laughter, and my coping is getting better. Everyday is a life lesson day that is for sure.

The biggest challenge this week has been breastfeeding. It looks so easy in the movies. You move the baby toward your boob, they latch on, and before you know it they are 15 years old and independent. This is not the case. Latching on takes work!! Right when I think we have it down, for some bizarre reason, it all falls apart and it is 4am and I am reading how to latch your baby on and position them for BF'ing. To top it off you can't even tell if she is getting any milk. In my case my boobs are not "engorged" yet. It is day 7 and I do not have that "porn star" boob look either. BUT, she has gained weight since our last weight check and when she de-latches she has milk on her lips. Perhaps I got off lucky and my milk is in but I just am not miserable. I'd take not miserable! I have been supplementing about one feeding a night with 10-15mls of formula. She is so tiny and needs to gain weight that I just wanted to make sure she was getting something. The pediatrician approves and the amount I am giving her really probably isn't doing anything but helping me relax. Some things they tell you to do to promote good milk production is to sleep (yeah right), eat right, and drink fluids. I have tried to make an effort to do these things but when she is feeding every 2 hours and it takes me an hour to feed her and put her down, one hour of sleep just doesn't seem worth it some times. I'd say we are making progress but I am so used to being able to "master" a skill and this is so challenging emotionally I wonder if it will all end up falling into place?? The good thing is my pediatrician is wonderful and supportive. She is not a breast nazi, as opposed to the lactation consultants, and if we notice her weight being an issue she is more than ready to assist me in supplementing with more formula. Her focus is where it should be - on the health and growth of baby Charlotte!!

Robbie, as usual, has been wonderful. I had to talk with him the other night and say, "I cannot be the only one conducting "business" with Charlotte. I need to be able to do the fun stuff too!" This resulted because I am basically a milk factory and Robbie is the cuddle bunny. I like to cuddle! So, now I get to cuddle her a bit and dress her up rather than cleaning up our ever growing mess. This helps my frustration levels a bit.

Well, as we embark on week two I am hoping a more sleep friendly schedule emerges. She feeds every two hours and that is exhausting. I am also basically a hostage in my own home unless I can get there and back in one hour - pretty unlikely since I am still moving slow from the delivery. I would like to see her feed every three hours during the day and every 4 during the night. I would also like to see a Celine Dion concert and be skinny again - some things just aren't going to happen anytime soon. I will say I have lost almost 20lbs since delivery!!! I had a lot of water weight going on what can I say.

Alright I am going to leave the picture posting up to Robbie, since he takes about 200/day! We will keep everyone updated too!! Thanks to Kate and Katie for bringing food by-peanut butter sandwiches were getting old!!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

On September 18th, 2010 at 6:25pm our lives changed forever. Our baby girl, Charlotte June Wagoner, was welcomed into the world via open arms (and legs of course)! At 6lbs 1oz and 18.5inches our OB said she was "petite". I say she was unexpected. I was always told she was going to be somewhere around 8lbs at birth but, just like pregnancy, things don't always turn out the way you thought they would. Needless to say, she is absolutely perfect. She has a cute button nose, the tiniest feet, and the littlest fingers you can imagine - she has her daddy wrapped around each and every one I might add!

So, let's talk about how she got here... I was at work on Friday Sept. 17th and I remember having a ton of energy in the am but by 10 or 11 that had dwindled and I was having some pretty bizarre back pain - from my neck to my sacrum. I was having contractions, like I had been having, but nothing was regular so I kept working - I wanted to see just one more patient!! At 1pm I made the decision to leave work. I felt crummy was the only way to describe it - no pain, just "off". The back pain was dull and constant so it was not debilitating...yet. I called Robbie and he came right over and picked me up. I remember walking to the car feeling anxious, nervous, and as though something was impending. At that time I butt dialed my best friend in KY. I heard something coming from my phone and looked down to see she was talking on the other end. She said "what are you doing?" I said, "I think I am going into labor". I took it as a sign that I called her by accident...A sign of something to come.

We got home and I began to time my contractions and they were 6-7 minutes, average, a part. This was concerning. We said let's give it a bit. Our OB said every 3-5 minutes for one hour before we ran to the hospital. We gave it two hours - two hours of every 4-6 minutes we decided to go - better safe than sorry. The day before I had been 1cm dilated so I was interested to see what had happened since then. We were still 1cm but we were 80% effaced. We were told to walk around for 2 hours and come back to be rechecked. After roaming the halls of my workplace in my pajamas and my hair wild, we were checked and we were 3cm dilated. That progress in addition to my GBS positive status bought us a hospital admission to labor and delivery. For the GBS positive I needed to get two doses of antibiotics, 4 hours a part, prior to delivery. They admitted me to make sure I got that in before baby Charlotte arrived.

So, we labored (if you call it that) until 5am, received our antibiotics, and then Charlotte changed her mind. The contractions began to get less intense and come less frequently. We had the choice of going home or staying, getting more antibiotics to be safe, and getting pitocin to pick labor back up. I had always wanted a "natural" childbirth but if the option was presented to me in a way that made me feel the decision for the intervention would be the best for Charlotte I would take it. We chose the pitocin. We "labored" (I use quotes because I found out what labor is really like much later in the day) until about noon and my fabulous OB showed up and decided to rupture my bag of water. This was another intervention I didn't want but I trusted her so I agreed. She said my bag was "tough" so it is unclear if it would have ever ruptured on its own anyway. She had to use a long scalpel to cut it open and consequently decided to place an internal monitor on Charlotte's head - another intervention I had planned to avoid but understood the reason and agreed. So, we kept going until about 2 and at that point we were 4-5 cm. About an hour later something happened. A light switch went off and my contractions became insane, for lack of a better word. I felt as though my pelvis was trying to push its way out my vagina - it was excruciating. At the same time I was nauseous and with each contraction the pain made me light-headed. For someone that doesn't like to show real emotion publicly this was humbling. I was moaning, swaying, crying, borderline yelling. I carried on like this for about an hour and decided with potentially 5 more cm to go I needed help. I chose the epidural. I could not imagine that pain continuing any longer. I was lucky the anesthesiologist was already on the floor. He came and during the contractions he placed the epidural - even more difficult. Robbie had to sit down because I was death gripping him and screaming in pain at the same time - I think I scared him. Once in, the pain was relieved immediately. I could still feel the contractions but I did not feel the pain. The nurse gave me about an hour and then decided to check me again before placing a foley catheter - luckily this wasn't needed because it was time to push. Yep that's right it was time. We were all dumbfounded - Robbie, Kate, and myself. We could not believe it was actually time.

I remember thinking, great now is the time that people get to see me poop everywhere. The first few pushes I was trying not to poop. Here's the deal - you cannot push the baby out without pooping. I gave in and essentially tried to poop and then I was getting progress. Robbie counted each push out for me and Kate gave me updates to let me know that I was really pushing well. We pushed for about 30 minutes (so I am told b/c it seemed like 2 hours) and the OB was called. When she got there I knew the baby was coming. I remember yelling repeatedly, "it's coming! it's coming! get ready! it's coming!" I remember Dr. Dean saying, "I know it's going to be alright". I remember thinking (maybe I said it I don't know), "I don't think you do know she is coming out and I can't stop her". This was the truth she was on auto pilot. The next thing I remember is Robbie saying, "oh my god Dena look"... there she was crying and beautiful. It was and remains to be the most surreal experience of my life. I remember looking over at Robbie glancing down at his daughter with a look on his face I had never seen before - one of pride, love, amazement, joy, excitement. It was the best feeling ever to know he was the one I would be sharing this life with. He was, is, and always will be amazing to me. He was ecstatic. I was disoriented. I couldn't figure out what to do, what was going on, and at one point where I was (I thought I changed rooms). I was a mess. When they finally passed her to me the world stopped. In that moment time stood still. I looked at her and she looked at me and we both realized things are now totally different. Now, we are a family and we will depend on each other forever.

Needless to say, that day changed our lives. We became parents, we endured something that we could have never imagined, and most importantly we became a family. Team Wagoner gained their star player on that day and we became her coaches. The way daddy looks at her it seems I am going to have to be the one with the whistle! He is in love. I am in love with my family and would do it all again in a second.

FYI my hands are still numb from the carpal tunnel but I don't care. My baby girl is healthy, happy, and too cute for words!

These days are unpredictable but I want to keep this blog up. I am hoping to update at least weekly but for now I am taking it one feeding at a time- FYI I think my milk is coming in!!! I am so excited my baby girl will get a tummy full soon!!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Today is not the normal day for a post, but carpal tunnel has prevented all typing for me. Robbie is typing this for me.

Charlotte is now the size of a giant watermelon. Today we are 37 and 1/2 weeks and Charlotte is probably around 7 pounds. 7 pounds of pure watermelon sweetness. A lot has happened since our last post, so we will talk about some of it.

First: Charlotte is head down. (That's the correct position for getting out.) We had an ultrasound to confirm it. That was reassuring. (She is also still a girl). Before the ultrasound, however, I had to endure another 'checking' session where my OB sticks her entire arm up my you-know-where to try to feel the baby's head. At this point, I have decided things are exit only down there.

Second: We had a huuuuugggggeeee baby shower at work. It was so amazing to see everyone there and all the stuff we got. (See picture). I didn't think we would find room for it all, but we did! She has so many cute outfits. We cannot wait to see her in all of them.

Third: We have started having contractions!!!! Last week we had two or three per day. This week, we have had 6 to 10 per day!! Today, which is Thursday, we have had them every hour since 10 a.m. I am due for one any minute now but they may be fading. :-( Let's hope not. Aside from the contractions, the baby has also 'dropped' this week. That means we are getting closer. How close? No one knows. But closer nonetheless. We decided not to get checked this week because I didn't want her whole hand up there. I will do it next week. I promise. (I can't believe I have managed to procrastinate on my OB checking. I can procrastinate on anything!) We are hoping to welcome our baby girl by next week for a variety of reasons. Reason 1: We can't wait to see her. Reason 2: Being pregnant is no longer my favorite thing to be. Reason 3: We have all this stuff and we can't wait to use it. Reason 4: Our OB goes out of town soon. Reason 5: It's a baby, for goodness sake. Who wouldn't want it. Reason 6: It'll be good not to sleep separately anymore. We'll have the whole family in the same room.

Fourth: Robbie installed the Car seat. I have no idea how this was done. He will have to show me sometime. We also installed a baby gate in our stairway to keep the cats away from the baby's room and ours. The opening part of the gate is a little narrow for me right now. Hopefully that will change soon after Charlie is born.

Fifth: We went to a breastfeeding class and soon after my mom got us the pump we registered for. That thing looks like it will be a real pleasure to use. I'll be like a cow on a dairy farm. At least it has a cute bag.

I think that about covers it. Can you tell we are in get-it-done mode? We have lists everywhere of things to do. I don't think we will do a blog at 38 weeks, but if something changes we will post updates. We posted some belly-pics too, so check those out.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Okay, this post is going to take me a couple of days because of my carpal tunnel but I will get it done! I titled this post, "Yo Yo Yo!" because Charlotte is about the size and weight of a Crenshaw melon and that makes me think of ghetto rap songs for some reason!! She is about 18.5 inches long and should be almost 6lbs. I will say my OB thinks she is closer to 6 or 6.5lbs and estimates she will be at least 8lbs at birth!!! How she knows that based upon feeling my belly I have know idea! We are 36 weeks and have entered that territory of "she can come at any moment"!! I read on babycenter.com that at your OB visits you could be 3cm dilated and 50% effaced for weeks OR be closed up tight like Fort Knox in the morning and "open for business" by noon. This level of uncertainty is concerning.

At our last visit with the OB she explained to us the signs and symptoms of labor and when we should and should not go to the hospital. It's a different mindset for sure! Last night, for example, I had a couple of contractions and some spotting. I laid down did a kick count found out she was fine. Called the OB and expected to be told, "go to L&D let's check everything out". I was told, "this is what is supposed to happen at this time and you don't need to go unless you have more regular contractions"! This happened at about 26 weeks too and I was in the OB's office the next day with an US. Now, they are just like, "so you're having a baby, duh". This makes me uneasy. (BTW my fingers are completely numb at this point...damn carpal tunnel!)

Let's talk a bit more about this last OB visit, shall we??? She did her first cervical check and attempted to confirm Charlotte's positioning. My cervix is high and closed - no delivery that day apparently. Charlotte, my little crazy girl, is laying transverse - sideways. This will make delivery a little difficult the old fashioned way! As a result I have upped my activity level since then, probably resulting in the contractions last night, and am trying to do activities to help her "get in line" a bit better. I am concerned with her being as big as she is and whether or not she will be able to flip on her own. I go back Wednesday and if she is still sideways we will have an US to see what is exactly going on. My guess is, from my extensive and extremely scientific research on the internet, the OB will either do an external cephalic version (turn her herself), wait and see if she turns on her own, or wisk me away to an emergency C-section where I am put completely under only to wake up when she is 3 years old. Oddly enough I don't want the wait and see option...or the 3rd option...of course!

So let's discuss why I don't want the wait and see option...I AM TIRED OF BEING PREGNANT!!! I have entered the circus animal stage, apparently, and I am tired of it. I get so many looks, not all nice ones, and I am getting dangerously close to resorting to violence to stop them! We went to the mall yesterday and that was awful. I got so many looks like, "geez she's huge", that I just looked at the floor and held Robbie's arm - being led through the mall like a blind person so I didn't have to witness their stares. We were in a store and I couldn't even fit down the aisle to get out of the store!! I felt like one of those people that buy an airplane ticket only to get on the plane to be told they need to purchase the seat next to them because of their size! This is absolutely the worst part of pregnancy for me since I vowed never to be this big ever again!! (shhhh I'm even bigger than I was before).

At this point, I am just ready to have this baby. I am ready to meet her, to hug her, to kiss her little feet, and dress her up in the 400 million outfits we have (literally)!! We had a HUGE baby shower this past week at work and got so much stuff!! I mean so much stuff. She has so many clothes and toys and books. The sad thing is you always see more that is super cute or practical that you want to buy! The nursery is full right now so I have put myself, that's unusual I know, on a buying freeze. I gotta see this little girl before I buy her more stuff!

Speaking of the nursery, it is basically done. It could use a little more wall decor but that is so nonessential right now. We completed our CPR training on Saturday and we are installing our car seat today! I am excited!! We are going to take the car seat to someone named "office wayne" at the Tucson Police Department to check our installation and make sure it is correct. Too bad I threw away the instructions... Our labor bag is packed. Our post-partum bag is in progress. I think we are pretty much ready. There are only a few odds and ends left to get - a mobile, an extra changing pad cover, bath tub, breast pump. Nothing that we will really need right away so that is good!! It really does take 9-10 months to get ready but I think we are - materialistically and emotionally!!

Well, I managed to write all this in one sitting and my hands are killing me!! By the end of this week she will be full term and will probably have no problems if born from here on out. That is reassuring! We will keep you posted! The next 4 weeks, if it takes that long, will be the longest of our life but the end is definitely in sight!! We love you baby Charlotte and can't wait to see you!!!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

We have made it to 35 weeks! Baby Charlotte is at least 18 inches long and should weigh between 5 and 5.5 lbs. - about the weight of a honey-dew melon (so they say). Only two more weeks until she is full-term. It's hard to think I'll make it that far - seeing that when I pee or laugh I feel like she is going to fall out. I am definitely uncomfortable at this stage but we are so excited to meet her soon.

We missed last week due to a carpal tunnel flare up. This week, Robbie is typing while I dictate to rest my hands so I can continue to work during the week. The carpal tunnel pain would have to be the worst symptom so far. It is short-lived and that is reassuring. As you can see in the pictures, I am also getting to be quite large. I refuse, however, to buy any more pants or clothes.

We had our last two week appointment with the OB on Wednesday. I thought we had one more at 36 weeks, but she surprised us with weekly appointments from here on out. This coming Thursday we will see her and she will check our progress. Chances are Charlotte is nowhere near ready to come out, but I can't help but hope that I am dilated a little. That would make me feel like the end is in sight.

Work is challenging. I am not as fast as I used to be and by the end of the day I am definitely not as polite. It's hard to carry around all this extra weight! Robbie has been helping a lot at home which helps me quite a bit. I am hoping to get that "nesting" thing going and want to clean the house, but it hasn't happened yet. I am still hoping for a cleaning person. Robbie is shaking his head no. Whatever.

On to exciting things... We are basically done with the nursery. It could use a little more decor but it has the basics and it is sweet. I think that it will work well for Charlotte. To complete the nursery, we made another two-hour trip to IKEA. I had to sit down at least three times while we were in the store because I got tired!! We did pick up some cute items to decorate the room and our favorite item: a new bookcase. It has enough space to hold her books (for now) and extra wipes and diapers. Plus it has a ton more room for other things in little baskets. We posted a picture of it with our little choo-choo train wall decal. It isn't very girly but it is so cute. I love it. We want to get something for over the crib like another wall decal, but that will have to wait.

We also finally got our Stroller - a B.O.B. Revolution!! We love it. And it is surprisingly light. I think runs with the baby will definitely be a workout, but it was a good choice. We will post pics once we get the car-seat adapter installed - hopefully in the next couple of weeks. I am not too stressed about that because we won't need it immediately. Apparently, you become hermits for a few weeks or maybe six weeks before you venture out with your new child. Our first outing will be at Robbie's half-marathon. Should be fun...

We posted some belly pics and I went ahead and put a bare-belly shot for all to see. It is a monster and maybe a little hairy. I thought I should capture this moment anyway.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

33 weeks down and 7 to go!! Baby Charlotte is supposedly weighing in at over 4lbs and over 17 inches long and I am definitely feeling that she is getting bigger and running out of room! She is moving quite a bit, or at least trying too, and the decreased space in there is causing those kicks and pushes to feel a little sharp every now and then. We had our bi-monthly visit this past Wednesday and she is doing great. Everyone at work keeps saying I am big and that she is going to be big but I am measuring right on target. My OB said they are just being mean - what's new in this pregnancy right??

Speaking of weight gain, she says I have put on about 34lbs so far. With 7 weeks to go, if we go that long or later, I am guessing I will probably put on another 10lbs or so (hopefully less). I am guessing by the end of this crazy journey I will have about 50lbs to lose. I am not overwhelmed by this. I lost 60lbs before so I know it can be done! I am just excited that she is doing so well. I have been worried sick throughout this whole pregnancy and each check-up just makes me feel that much better! We have two more "2 week" appointments (34 weeks and 36 weeks) and then we switch over to weekly appointments. At the weekly appointments, supposedly, my OB will check me to see if I am progressing at all! That is going to be a crazy few weeks I am sure!

We haven't had any birthing classes since the last post but we do have a breastfeeding class coming up next week. I am interested to ask questions about pumping, going back to work, the effects of exercise on breastfeeding, etc. After that I have us registered for an all day CPR class and then our classes are done. There are more I was planning on taking but I am on info overload and can't stand to think of sitting through another class! They have been good but at some point you just have to say, "alright let's do this!" I'm at that point. I don't want her to come out just yet but I think we will be ready when she does.

Speaking of being ready...this baby room is driving me nuts!! You read about women that, as they near the end of pregnancy, they become super driven to organize things and get things together and clean things up. I may be the opposite. I am so disorganized. I am scatter brained. I cannot focus on anything at all! We purchased one bedding set and took it back because I thought it was too masculine. Now we have an ultra-girly bedding set and I can't stand that! I am fixated on this bedding!! I have Robbie convinced that I can find some relatively (??) inexpensive neutral basics that will brighten the room, remove the color brown from the color palate, and help tie things together a little better. Does the bedding really matter?? NO! Why am I fixated on it?? I have no idea. I do this at work too. I get fixated on the most non-important task lately and I cannot move on. It is driving me crazy. For someone that is usually so organized and with it, I am the complete opposite at this point. I am hoping my deep desire to clean the house kicks in soon - it is a mess and I have no motivation to fix that problem at all!!

Well, this week has been pretty uneventful. Next weekend we should make a push to FINISH the baby room and then we will have pics. I will post belly pics next week too - last weeks were too shocking and I haven't gotten over that yet!

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Alright that's a stretch but Charlotte supposedly weighs about as much as a jicama! We are 32 weeks today, officially 8 months down, she weighs about 3.75 lbs, and is almost 17 inches long!! She really begins to put on the weight from here on out. We have, officially, 8 weeks left and only 5 until she is considered full term. She could come anytime after that and be fine!! It is really getting close now. It is scary to think that in less than two months we will be parents! We are excited, nervous, scared, anxious, etc.!

Charlotte seems to be doing well. We go back to the OB this week just to make sure her heart beat is still good. I tried to push for another US at the last appointment but unless something happens or I begin measuring too big or too small they do not plan to do one. I really would like to know what size child I am contending with. I already know labor is going to be challenging, but I want to know if I need my game face for a 7lb baby or a 10lb baby! Speaking of labor, we finished our childbirth series last Sunday and we feel much better about the whole thing. I mean we know it will be painful but we feel a little more like we know what to expect so that is comforting. We talked a bit about episiotomies, really pleasant I know, and I couldn't help but think of that scene in Rocky when he says, "cut me Mic! cut me!!" I hope I remember to yell this if I have to have one. I think it would lighten the mood!

So, the baby room is underway. Kate came by yesterday to set things up and she and Robbie were able to put together the crib, move the dresser, and set-up the pack-n-play. I will say the pack-n-play is amazing! It does everything and will be really easy to set-up and take down in the future. The room is beginning to come together - I will post pics of our progress. I don't think it is going to be one of those baby rooms that is all "put together" - everything matching and coordinated. I like so many things that don't match the bedding that I am just putting them in there anyway. It kind of looks like a hodge podge right now but that is okay. It is practical and user friendly - like me (minus the user friendly part for a large portion of the week). Today we did hang a little coat rack on the wall to hang up a little strawberry hoodie and her yellow ducky bathrobe. It is seriously the best part of the whole room. It is so cute! Thanks Mary for that hoodie!! It is my favorite outfit so far!

I also had another amazing surprise baby shower this past weekend!! My friends in KY arranged a webcam baby shower! I absolutely loved it! It was so nice to see everyone and to get a belly check of Megan and her baby! I am so overwhelmed and amazed that they would take the time out of their day to do something like that for us. It was like 11pm their time when the whole thing was done! Thank you guys so much!! I really wish I was there in person to celebrate Charlotte with our friends and family in KY. I miss them terribly and whenever there is a life changing event being around loved ones always makes it easier. Soon enough I say! For now, I am relying on my AZ family and they have been wonderful!! For so many years I have really not liked living in AZ until the last couple when we have found some really great people to hang out with. They have really made the distance from KY bearable!

So, time is running out on our little bun! We are getting ready and really excited to see her! We have just a few more classes I want to take before she arrives - a breastfeeding class and a child CPR class. It is so hard to believe how little time we have left!

Sunday, July 25, 2010

The fruit analogies haven't been that great lately so I haven't been using them but this week we are 31 weeks along, she is over 3lbs, and is getting ready for a major growth spurt over the next few weeks. Charlotte had a great check-up this week. Her heart beat is normal and everything is measuring where it should be! So, we have about 9 weeks left and things are getting serious. I guess she could come as soon as 37 weeks so we could only have about 6 weeks left. I am still holding on to that hope that a lot of first time moms are late!!

Her movement is definitely changing. I still get some pretty good kicks every now and then but I feel like she has positioned herself head down and butt out - meaning her legs and arms are faced toward my spine. I say this with no scientific or medical proof of course but the movement I am getting is more a push and roll than a punch or kick. There are many times during the day when I can feel her if I press on my stomach a bit. She feels like a hard ball from my pelvic region to about 2-3 inches above my belly button. It's weird but nice to finally know where she is. One thing she has been doing lately is rolling up into a ball during the day. This causes a lot of pressure on my abdomen and I begin to feel like I am stretched to the max! So uncomfortable!! Then at night she stretches out and gets those little feet right up near or maybe under my ribs. This is very pleasant...just kidding! It feels like I have a stitch in my side. Either way her movement, any movement, is so comforting to me. I absolutely LOVE sitting still and feeling her squirm. I LOVE IT!!

I will go ahead and say it. This week was a tough week emotionally for me (and consequently Robbie). It's been really hard to stay focused at work lately and I feel like my work is suffering. I still get the job done but my mind is always somewhere else (multiple other places really). Sleep became a major issue this week also. I have officially moved to the couch and I hate sleeping without Robbie. A.) it's lonely. B.) I have to leave a night light on because I am afraid of paranormal activity for some reason and C.) I miss a little cuddling every now and then! I just cannot sleep on a bed - any bed. I sleep really well from about 8pm- midnight and then it is touch and go. I guess this caught up with me on Thursday night. I woke up about midnight, rolled around until about 2am and then just called it quits and got up. I ended up calling into work because I felt so run down. I have never been good at establishing balance in my life and it seems I am going to be forced into it from now on. We had our first child birthing class yesterday and it was great but I think everything came to a head last night after Robbie and I were talking about things. I am so overwhelmed, scared, nervous, worried, tired, etc. about this baby and the upcoming school year. I think the birthing classes just made it more real. A lot of the couples in the class are due around the same time in September and they all seem so organized and put together. I feel like I am just running around with my head cut off. This experience has really brought out a lot of fears that I never knew I had. I'm afraid I am not being a good worker, a good wife, a good carrier for our baby, that I won't be a good mother, that I don't support Robbie enough while he is doing his dissertation and getting ready for jobs. If you really think about it, it is so overwhelming. Sometimes I can get it into gear and get things organized and other times I want to close the door, turn off the lights, and go to sleep. I have always been a big worrier. Carrying a human being inside has not made this better. I worry about all those things I mentioned above and then I worry that my worrying is impacting her development - is she getting what she needs, is she resting enough, is she moving enough, do I need to rest more, am I resting too much, am I eating too much, do I need to eat different foods - it really is endless. Robbie is keeping things together and I am hoping to kick it into gear soon but this week has been a little overwhelming needless to say. (Charlotte just gave me a little push to say "Hey mom! I'm okay in here". I think I need her more than she needs me.)

So, let's move onto something positive shall we...THE BABY ROOM IS READY FOR DECOR!! I cannot believe it. They came, inspected it, and made the determination that the dry wall was not damaged and there was no mold present. This means they took down the damaged parts, which wasn't much, and painted the whole room - done in less than 5 hours total!! We are planning on setting things up and getting her room ready next weekend!! This even stresses me out. We have a ton of stuff in boxes but once you set it up it will make things much more real. It has to be done though sooner or later! Might as well choose sooner right??

Our child birth class was pretty good this week. It is a two day class, yesterday and today. Yesterday we learned about the stages of labor and some breathing techniques. The class was really coach directed which I liked. Robbie, I think, feels a little more prepared for the big day and I know a lot more about what probably will happen. As usual, the Wagoners got cracked up and I had to leave the room I was laughing so hard during a practice contraction. He was massaging my back, as directed, as I focused on breathing and he decided he should massage my butt a bit. I lost it. Then I couldn't look at him for at least 30 minutes because I would laugh even more! I hope today we can keep it together. Today we will learn all about hospital procedures and potential complications - really an uplifting session. Our instructor is wonderful though and the classes have really been informative so far. On Wednesday we have an evening class about caring for a newborn and next month we will begin the classes on breastfeeding. I am confident I won't remember half of what I learn but if Robbie remembers the half I forgot we should be alright.

Okay this is a long one but we are getting closer and there is more to tell!! We are getting close and even though I am really scared I am really excited to see our baby girl and to welcome her into our family. We are looking forward to teaching her so much and to be beginning this new chapter in our life. As we look forward to welcoming a new member into our family we do have to say "see you later" to a good friend who is moving on to a new chapter in her life - good luck Michelle!! We are so happy you are moving out of the desert to greener pastures!! We look forward to seeing you at Thanksgiving - all 3 of us!!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Well we have reached the 30 week mark. We are still not ready to welcome baby Charlotte and she is still not ready to be welcomed but there is something about entering the weeks that no longer begin with a "2" that makes me nervous and excited. Everything is going well, as far as I can tell. She is moving a ton, she gets the hiccups every now and then which is fun (for me), and she is definitely taking up more room. She is about 3lbs or a little over (depending on your website of choice) and she should gain up to 1/2 lb per week now. Space in my belly is definitely getting tight. I am beginning to feel some twinges under my ribs and my breathing is much more shallow now. I can only imagine how I will feel at 9 months!!! Sometimes I sit and think that a month before we conceived our fabulous, wonderful, amazing, and beautiful little girl I was in the best shape of my life having just completed our first marathon! Gone are the days that a flight of stairs wasn't my enemy and a 30 minute walk a was warm-up! I will get it back and I already have plans for my first post-partum 1/2 and full!!! Get ready Auntie Erin because you will be forced to run with me!!

So, my mom informs me that my blogs are too long. Part of this is because we are going to turn this into a book so we can remember our journey and to allow baby Charlotte to see how we prepared for her. If I leave anything out I will forget it - baby brain or not! These may get shorter, however, because my carpal tunnel is getting worse every week and typing does not help!

With that said, nothing happened this week so this post will be short!! We have begun to seriously discuss our birth plan as a team and we are still aiming for a medication free birthing experience. I have a variety of reasons for this and most of them are not holistic or 'hippy'. They are sensible and they are my own reasons. I continue to get the most negative reactions about this. I feel like people should just say, "if that is your decision then fine." I am not stupid. I realize there will be an insane amount of pain to deal with on that day or days. I know this. I just figure if I don't know how it is going to feel why should I automatically decide to pump my body full of medications prematurely. Let's get in there and actually experience child birth before we start all that. I read books that say don't 100% commit to a plan because then you will be disappointed when it doesn't work the way you anticipated. What with kids, childbirth included, will work the way you anticipate??? That's my question. I officially do not have children yet but this pregnancy has taught me flexibility is a necessity. I just want a goal to have in mind. A goal to focus on during her birth. I have two: 1.) to welcome a healthy beautiful baby girl into the world, my arms, and our family and 2.) to do it with as little medication as possible. Take it or leave it.

The baby room...is still unfinished BUT...it rained. I am hoping, any second now, for an email from our landlord setting up a time to begin the dry wall work!! I am so excited!!

So, really that is it for this week. Next week we are taking our child birthing classes so we will talk about that and, hopefully, we will have some news on the baby room. I am hoping to post pics this afternoon too!!

Sunday, July 11, 2010

29 weeks!! We are definitely getting there! I am basically confused at her size right now. Every website you go to estimates her to be a different length and weight! Baby Center.com is clocking her in at about 2.5lbs and 15 inches. Other websites say she could be as big as 3lbs and 17 inches. I have no idea. I am going to guess she is somewhere in the middle! We had an OB appointment this past Tuesday (28 2/7 weeks) and I was measuring at around 29 weeks so that could mean she is measuring on the larger side. Not much larger, thank goodness, but maybe closer to 3lbs. Who knows!! She seems to be doing fine and it won't be long now before we get to meet her!!

Let's discuss my biggest frustration of the week, shall we. We will go ahead and discuss it and move forward! The baby room is still not even started!!!! Okay, I realize I won't technically need the baby room right away. Some say I won't even need it a month or two after she is born. You know what I say to this??? I NEEDED it 2 months ago. I don't care that it won't be used, I just need it done and ready. At this point, I NEED everything done and ready. My need for organization when it comes to the baby is coming to an all time high. I guess I am beginning to nest and I just want everything ready. I feel like she could come at any moment and if she does then we are going to be running around crazy finding a car seat or a changing pad or, I don't know, powder to diaper her. I guess if she comes really early we will have some time while she hangs out in the NICU - which would be awful BTW. I think Robbie is going crazy with all this too. He has been so accommodating this whole pregnancy and now I can tell he is tired. Back to the baby room...we are still waiting for RAIN!!!! I was the one about a month ago that said waiting for rain was a ridiculous idea. I was told but multiple sources, "oh no, it will rain and the the roof repairs will be done by early July." It is about mid-July now people! It hasn't rained and the dry wall still needs to be repaired. Today is supposed to be a pretty good chance for rain so please keep your fingers crossed!!!

Let's talk about something good shall we. So, we had our monthly OB visit this past Tuesday, which will be bi-monthly BTW at this point, and everything checked out fine!! Around 28-29 weeks my OB likes to screen her patients for gestational diabetes. What this entailed was me arriving to my appointment a little early, drinking a super sweet version of fruit punch Hi-C, and waiting around for an hour to have blood work drawn. Fortunately the results came back normal. I was a little concerned because I am no longer as thin as I used to be and I often equate obesity with diabetes. Things are fine though. Unfortunately for my OB, that sugary drink made Charlotte go crazy! She was trying to doppler my belly to hear her HB, like she always does, and Charlotte kept moving! She couldn't find it for the longest time. When she thought she found it Charlotte kicked so hard the doppler moved and we had to start all over again - twice! I was worried at first but when I saw her kick the doppler I knew she was just being a little sneaky in there!! She definitely seems to have a mind of her own. I think she takes after me and maybe my cat Hannah. Here's an example, she likes it when I talk to her (she moves more so to me that means she likes it) and she likes it when I rub my belly. Only sometimes though. Sometimes she will be moving a lot and I start talking or Robbie starts talking to her and she stops as if she is trying to hide! She does the same thing with movement. She could be rockin' and rollin' in there making my belly jump all over the place and the second Robbie puts his hand on there to feel it (seeing isn't enough for him) she stops! It's like she is telling us, "I like you and I like affection but only when I say it is time for that. Otherwise, let me be!" I actually think it is cute...for now! Speaking of belly movement...every time I go to grab my camera to record some video of my belly bouncing she stops!!! I will keep trying though. With her getting bigger, her kicks are bigger and I am getting a lot more pushes and stretches. Instead of my belly just poking out it stretches out side to side - looks like she is sitting sideways pushing with her hands and feet or maybe stretching her arms out wide. Pretty neat. I would love to have like 4 or 5 hours a day to lay there and just watch her move. It is my favorite part of the day. That irritation called my job doesn't allow this!! :)

So, this week we also toured day care centers. We actually just went to one near our house. I hate this saying but I am going to use it, "it is what it is". It's a day care. Nothing more. Nothing less. I am still not thrilled with the idea but the babies there looked happy - except for that one who tried to make a break for it when we opened the door to the nursery. Yes, he was crawling but he was moving fast! People keep saying, you should have someone come to your home. We say we really don't want a stranger home alone with our baby. If we knew someone that would be different but I just don't trust people enough. At least in a daycare if the caregiver is sketchy there is more than one there to tell on her. Then people say, "find a family daycare" - one run out of someone's home where he/she cares for a small number of children at a time. Sounds okay but then again it is a stranger that is unsupervised and if he/she is sick there is no back-up coverage and you don't have daycare for that day! I think I am pretty well convinced a center is the way we will go - the regulation, flexibility, and activities available seemed pretty good. I am still, however, holding out for the lottery so I can stay at home and take care of her myself! Bonus too is that we will only need daycare really for when Robbie has his foreign language reading groups - half days twice a week. That makes it a little easier. Too bad you pay for a full day!!

So, last week we had our wonderful baby shower and this week I got to host a baby shower! In my home with maybe 15 people. Those of you that know Robbie and I may wonder if this really occurred. Did they really have that many people in their home? Do they really have that many friends? Yes we did and...no we don't. We didn't know some of them but it wasn't about Team Wagoner and it was fun! I figured I would be exhausted trying to get things together but I did have help which was absolutely needed!! Thanks Kate and Robbie!! So, Congrats Laura and Lenhart!!

So, this is getting lengthy. Let just end this post by giving a new symptom update. My boobs leaked. I woke up this morning at about 1:30am having a braxton hicks contraction - usually occurs if my bladder is too full or just randomly. I went to the bathroom and noticed a wet spot on my night shirt. I thought, well, I guess they are starting work. Let's hope, like everything else, this doesn't get too out of control before Charlie is born. I don't want to wear those weird boob pad things yet.

Also, congrats to my friends on your big news! I will be cryptic for now until the news is out and about! Consequently, when I read this a few years from now I will have no idea what it is about!

I should also be able to post some pics from my baby shower last weekend!

BTW next week we are 30 weeks. We will be in the 30's! That's all I am sayin'. Also, I have decided the next belly pics we post I am actually going to fix my hair - those recent pics were ridiculous!

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Okay so we are into our 3rd trimester, 28 weeks down, 12 weeks to go, and 9 weeks left until we are considered "full term" (according to some websites but i gotta ask my OB this)!!! Yowsers!! It is time to kick this baby getting ready stuff into high gear!! We still have to get this baby room done and we are still missing a lot of stuff that is needed for the baby. My goal is to have all of this done by the first of August. I say this for a number of reasons - 1.) I am getting way too anxious without it being done 2.) She could always come early and I want to be as prepared as I can to avoid any problems or unnecessary calls to CPS and 3.) I am getting uncomfortable and I do not think during my 9th month I am going to really be wanting to run all over town gathering big ticket items and decorating the room. Robbie is slowly catching my drift and has lifted the baby buying ban so this weekend we bought a few things - not much but enough to make me feel like we are making progress.

Let's talk about what is most important shall we - BABY CHARLOTTE! Baby Charlotte has been a wild woman this week. She has been rockin' and rollin' in this belly all week!! She seems to calm down at night but I can finally feel where she is laying and if I roll too far on my side she lets me know. One big kick to say, "Hey that's my arm your squishing!". She is over 2 pounds and about 14.5 inches (depending on which baby website you consult) - about the size of a chinese cabbage!! She will get into these major fits of movement and it really makes me chuckle. I am going to try and video tape her moving my belly and post it if possible - it is hilarious!

So, let's do something we haven't done in a while...SYMPTOM CHECK! Entering into the 3rd trimester I think it is important to do a bit of recapping.

2nd trimester - increased energy, leg cramps, constipation (very occasional), a lot of gas (not so occasional but mainly burps so that was good news for Robbie), loss of balance and coordination, baby brain (forgot words or tasks), and anxiety and frustration as I watched my body change and the scale continue to rise.

3rd trimester - 1 week in...nausea, cold sweats, leg cramps, fatigue, overall I feel uncomfortable, boobs are getting bigger (again) and sore, swelling has increased, and I have basically given up about my body. Take it or leave it I say. I am too close now to even worry about it. This week has been tough and I am hoping it really isn't going to be this way for the next 3 months. The heat in the desert plays a large role in my discomfort. I am not really able to bend down as easily as I could before, Robbie has to help me out of the couch or chair, and I can no longer see the tops of my thighs (among other things) to shave. My plan is to do my best and ask Robbie to make sure I didn't miss anything important - TMI I know but at this point you really don't care. At least I don't. I am so blessed to have this opportunity and I know I will do it again but it does get uncomfortable. Fortunately I have the best husband in the world to tell me everyday how beautiful I am. Yesterday he even said, "you look small today". What a guy!

Speaking of husbands, one of our friends announced their engagement this weekend. We are super excited for both of them and wish them the best. Events like these cause me to contemplate our marriage, relationship, engagement etc. Looking back, the decision to get married seems like the easiest decision we have ever made. At the time, getting married was such a daunting task and it becomes this huge, overwhelming deal in your life that encompasses your whole being. Now, I see that it was a formality and being with Robbie and having this wonderful baby is what it is about. Enjoying our lives together, starting a family, and never taking time for granted. You always say 'I wish I knew then what I know now'. My advice to the newly engaged or soon to be engaged (which let's be honest take all advice with a grain of salt) enjoy your time with the one you love - time goes by so fast!!

Well, the best thing happened yesterday! A suprise baby shower!!! I usually cannot be surprised. I can usually get the info out of Robbie pretty easily but he was so cryptic and I couldn't figure it out. As we were on the way he started to convince me we were going to a water park to cool off and fear immediately sunk in since I really hadn't shaved my legs properly for a swim suit!! Once I knew where we were going that made it more confusing!! When I walked in it was wonderful! All our friends were there and it was perfect. Rocky Road ice cream and everything!! We got some really cute stuff for Charlie and pics will follow. I am just so amazed that people would take the time out of their day to plan something like that. It was absolutely perfect! Thanks guys!! Thanks a bunch to Kate who organized the whole thing!! She's a great friend and soon to be a great birth coach!!

Okay sorry for the sappy break, back to business! We have accomplished a few things this week! For starters I made a list of all the things we need to get accomplished before Charlie arrives! Robbie loves my lists I just know it! Second, Robbie called the day care centers and we will tour those on Tuesday to see what we think. Thirdly, I decided when I will be starting maternity leave - October 1st! Yes, Charlotte is due a week before that but I am hoping to keep working up until she is born. If she isn't born by October 1st I am done. I can just imagine how pleasant I will be if she is week overdue!! This date remains flexible. I do not have to make a final decision until 30 days before my anticipated departure so I gotta see how I feel. I may stop working earlier if I have to...but I don't plan to!

So, I think that about does it. We missed last week so I hope this updates everyone! Oh! One of my friends bought me a snoogle so I am going to take pics of that and Robbie bought me a Ritmo - music device for the baby while in utero - so I will take pics of that and I will take some belly pics to kick off our 3rd trimester!!

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Daddy's little girl is growing fast and with 14 weeks to go she is getting ready to meet her daddy face to face! We are 6 1/2 months pregnant today, she is about 1.75 pounds, and is about 14 inches from head to toe - the length of an English cucumber! She has really been kicking a lot the last few days too! My belly bounces more than it did when I was overweight and laughing!! What is hilarious is that I can be sitting quietly and she can be going crazy, kicks all over the place, I call Robbie over and she becomes silent! He walks away and she starts up again - the cycle is endless. I woke up a couple times this week to find his hand on my belly catching a few kicks without her, or I, knowing - so sweet!

This week has been uncomfortable. I feel like I was stretching a lot and I must have had a hormone boost because the nausea was back with a vengeance - I had to resort to Ginger Ale again a couple of times. Some things I read indicate that the first trimester woes reemerge during the third trimester - I say I have 2 weeks left of the second so leave me alone nausea and fatigue!! I have also been having crazy heartburn! This is coming from someone who was taking Tagamet at the age of 13 for an ulcer - my TUMS aren't even phasing this heartburn. Everyone at work says that means she will have a lot of hair. I say, duh! I am part Italian and I am extremely hairy - she will be hairy that is a given. I just hope she has a lot of hair but well groomed - I hope she avoids my unibrow!

Regarding the stretching, I feel like I am stretching width wise rather than depth. I do not feel like my belly sticks out any more than it did 2 weeks ago but I do feel wider. My weight gain is pretty normal, I just feel like I am carrying her more towards my back - resulting in more back pain. Thank you Charlotte! I don't know if this is true. We will take some belly pics this week and you can give me your thoughts! Speaking of weight gain...I will be so glad to get back to weight watchers when this baby is born! I try to make healthy selections but knowing that scale is moving up almost daily, definitely weekly, is hard to swallow. I have already picked out my meeting time and I am so ready to get this weight off! only about 4 months more to go and I can get back to running, losing weight, and counting my points!! I will say that I do love nourishing my little girl and when I really think about it, the weight gain is totally worth it. I can only imagine holding this sweet little baby in my arms will make me forget about the scale!

So, this weeks focus seems to have been the baby's room - or lack thereof. The inside construction has yet to begin. The leak, apparently, has been fixed but they still want to wait for rain. I don't understand this. We live in the desert and even in monsoon season rain is sporadic!! I am trying to keep calm. Robbie is handling this piece and I am confident he will take care of it...or pregnant, angry Dena will emerge and that will not be pretty. I have always had a strong need to have a plan or to be pretty organized and those feelings and needs have increased by 1,000,000% since becoming pregnant. I have this strong need to "get ready". I want the baby's room done yesterday, I want all the baby necessities purchased yesterday, and I want to know that if she comes any day we are ready for anything she throws at us - a tarp may be necessary. I just have this stronger than ever need to get things organized. People keep saying you have 3 1/2 months and it will be done. Realistically, I know this. I am not unreasonable, but this doesn't eliminate that intrinsic need to have everything in its place! With this said, I am still on a baby buying hold :(. No major purchases have been made in, I think, 2 weeks! I am thinking changing pad this week but we will see what I can slip by Daddy :).

Speaking of Daddy...Today is FATHER'S DAY! So there seems to be different opinions out there on whether or not it is appropriate to celebrate Father's day for the father of an unborn child. I say, of course it is. This is our daughter and she has a father. A father we both love very much and are so blessed to have in our lives. He takes care of her mommy which means he takes care of her. He provides food, shelter, and clothing for her - I guess the shelter is my gig right now and the clothes won't be necessary for a bit but he is still providing these things in theory. He sings her songs and kisses her (through my belly). He is her Daddy and she loves him very much. I say HAPPY FATHER'S DAY Robbie! We love you!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Baby Charlotte is about 13.5 inches long by now and weighs at least 1.5 lbs. - about the weight of a rutabaga. My family loves rutabaga so I thought I should at least mention it. So, this week we had our monthly OB visit and everything went great. We have one more "4 week" visit and then we are in the third trimester so she sees us every 2 weeks. We will do that for a few weeks and then I think once I am about 32-34 weeks she will see us every week! We are getting close. As the OB was leaving she even said, "We will see our baby Charlotte very soon!" That made me a little nervous.

I feel like there is so much to accomplish before Charlotte arrives - gathering all the necessities, getting her room ready, securing a day care, getting my FMLA/STD disability figured out, childbirth classes, CPR classes, etc. The list goes on and on! Each week I try to accomplish a new task and that seems to help a bit. This week we registered for two classes - Baby Care ABCs and Preparation for Childbirth. The Baby Care class will teach us the basics of caring for a baby - diapering, bathing, first aid, etc. Yes, I am a nurse but I am more familiar diapering 80 year old men than an 8 week old infant! I say if there is a class, take it! This one we take on June 30th so hopefully we will have some hilarious pictures of Robbie with a plastic baby!

The Preparation for Childbirth class is later in July and it should be good. It is an intensive weekend long class that talks about baby care, childbirth, labor, etc. We are really excited about that! This brings me to the subject of actually having the baby. I haven't really established 100% a birth plan but my plan for right now is to play it by ear. I have never had a baby before, I have no idea what it will feel like, and what one person experiences could be different from the next. With this in mind, how can I honestly say, "yes I want an epidural" or "no I do not want one". What is odd is that I discuss the idea of not having an epidural with folks and you would think I had a third eye. "What? No epidural? You are crazy!" I get this reaction more than a positive reaction. I don't know what I am going to do. I will say this, at my work I see a lot of patients that take pain medications simply because they are available - this will not be me. If I am dying from pain and cannot live one more second with it - I will get the epidural. If I am in pain but I am managing, and I am awake, and doing okay - I will not. Why commit to getting something before you even know how it will feel. My mother did not have painful childbirth, although she is super woman and I think can withstand any amount of pain. I am hoping that trait is genetic. Also, I ran 26 miles. I cried the last 4 of them but I finished. I pushed through the pain, the fatigue, the frustration, the irritation, and the chafing! I am going to approach this childbirth thing the same way - as THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE, to date, OF MY LIFE! Also, BTW, when people tell me I won't be able to have my baby without an epidural they are basically issuing a Bill Cosby style challenge, it was a good episode. I just have to see to how it goes. No definite decisions really can be made until my cervix is dilating and that baby is coming!! I do know I have the greatest husband in the world when it comes to this issue - he supports me in whatever decision I make. He believes it is my body and knows I will do what is best for the baby. He is so supportive and when Team Wagoner gets together we can accomplish anything!

Let's talk about my fabulous husband for a second shall we?? Tomorrow, June 14th, we will have been married for 7 years (anyone have some benadryl? JK!). We have been together about 11 years!! They have been the best 11 years of my life and I can't wait to share a million more years with him. The first seven years of our marriage we did a lot of growing up. We moved to a new place together, struggled in the beginning, but eventually found our niche with the help of some fabulous friends and an amazing running group. The next seven, according to Robbie, will be spent with me pregnant...the whole time apparently! One at a time please! 2010-2011 will be a challenging year for us as a family and a couple - we will welcome the newest member to our team, Robbie will be on a job hunt, and we will plan to move again! I am nervous but I can use the last 7 years as reference to know that Robbie will always be there for us. He is a great husband, a good provider, and soon to be the best Dad in the entire world (no offense Bob!). I am 100% the luckiest woman in the world to have him. I am not the easiest person to deal with sometimes but he does it and has me laughing all the way. I think most of his jokes are at my expense but they are still funny! BTW uncontrollable fits of laughter while pregnant is bad news! I pee my pants a lot now!! In all seriousness, he is the love of my life and I would not want to have a family with anyone else. I trust that together we will raise a beautiful family filled with love, support, encouragement, and tons of laughter!

So, I will post some belly pics next week at 26 weeks (6 1/2 months)! Have a great week! Also, look at that onesie we custom made for Charlie!! ADORABLE!!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Okay, I'm back. Robbie can write a 4 million page dissertation with no problems but one pregnancy blog and he breaks out in hives!! I have to admit it was fun to watch him squirm!! :)

So, today we are 24 weeks pregnant, which is 6 months pregnant. We have about 16 weeks left until we welcome baby Charlotte into the world!! We are so excited. We love this little baby girl so much and can't wait to meet her, experience the world with her, teach her new things, learn new things from her, and love her so much until she pushes us away at about age 16 and is thoroughly embarrassed by us!! Can't wait!

So some of you may be thinking, "hey I thought 9 months was the human gestational period?" Ladies, we have been lied to. It is 10 months. I guess the first 4 weeks don't really count because that is the whole conception, fertilization, implantation thingy but I am counting it. You honestly don't even know you are pregnant those first 4 weeks so maybe I shouldn't count it - I don't know! I know we still have some time to get ready and that is all I need to think about right now.

First, the important stuff. Charlie is doing really great. She is kicking, rolling, and living it up in there. I feel her everyday now and I absolutely love it. Every little kick is so reassuring! She doesn't kick much at work because I am moving so much I either do not notice her or the walking lulls her to sleep. When I get home and she gets around her daddy she is a wild woman! I have to say it is probably the best feeling in the entire world to know that she is moving, alive, healthy, and doing well. I can't ask for anything more right now! Robbie is even able to see and feel her move even more - which is great! I feel bad that I get to share this wonderful bond and connection with Charlie and Robbie has to experience it from the outside in...literally. I can tell though that she has a soft spot in her heart for him. It is as though she knows he is around and she tries to increase her movement just for him - I am sure she recognizes his voice!

Regarding her size, I am so confused. You look at one website and last week she was as long as a papaya and this week it says she is as long as an ear of corn - this drives me crazy! I have never seen an ear of corn as long as that papaya! Here is my food analogy - she is about a foot (think of a subway sandwich) and she weighs a little over a pound, possibly a pound and a half (probably a pound and a half because I have had 3 brownies this week!!...and 3lbs of chex mix!...I exaggerate...about the chex mix). Either way she is getting bigger! At this point she should be starting to put on a bit of baby fat so we can squeeze those cute little cheeks when she comes out!

Pregnancy cravings? Myth you may say but I think differently. I really get a strong need for brownies or potato salad topped (covered) with dill pickles or curry or nachos. It is so bizarre. Some of that stuff I would never really eat before, especially the curry, but I really want it! I try to keep it under control but I do give in. The pickle thing I can't ignore - I guess I am your text book prego lady!

This week we have accomplished a few major tasks - we have obtained, in a way, a pediatrician and we have begun the search for day care providers. Robbie, the love of my life and daddy extraordinaire, called the pediatrician, grilled them incessantly, and secured the process of establishing care with our top choice MD. Thank you Robbie. We will hopefully still meet with her before baby Charlie arrives but I feel better about reporting our progress to our OB on tuesday. The day care process is still a work in progress. We have to go visit some to get a true idea of how skanky they really are before I drop the second love of my life off for her care. One thing at a time right! Fortunately, Robbie's funding situation for next year has greatly improved and he may be able to be a stay at home dad thanks to a spring fellowship!

The baby room has made some progress too so that is exciting. The roof leak has, apparently, been fixed. The HOA of our complex wants to wait until it rains before the inside work is started but our landlord said, "NO WAY!! THEY HAVE A BABY TO GET READY FOR!!" Okay, he didn't say that but he is pushing for a water test instead so we can start the inside sooner rather than later. You can imagine waiting for rain in the desert could take a while.

So, as you can see we are moving along. I have been placed on a baby stuff buying hold by her daddy. I still sweet talk him into a onesie here and there but major stuff is on hold until we have a better place to put it all. In response to his post last week. We do not have as many diapers as he says. I am gradually stocking up if they are on sale. I am a bargain hunter what can I say. Also, how can I refuse to buy a $4 onesie that says, "I love my daddy" on it?? Please - 30 of these is not enough! (we don't have 30 outfits by the way he is crazy!)