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Guitars that'd be extra fun to smash

Because your small hands and crippling lack of commitment prevent you from truly rocking, get an axe that just looks sweet instead with Vallerie's Fused Guitars: handcrafted in a Pine studio by a retiree who can't play either, these "rock 'n rollin'" replicas are scaled-down (either 3.5" x 10.5" or 6" x 17.5") homages to actual six-strings made entirely from glass (even the six strings!) that's been kiln-fired, which's also how Trump would kick people off a show called The Appentice: Professions That Have Actual Apprentices. Some high notes: Modeled after "the one Springsteen plays", this puppy gives props to the legendary Fender Telecaster, aka a guy who does the play-by-play of cars trying to parallel park. This Strat gives love to the guitar played by everyone from Clapton, to Stevie Ray Vaughan, to Buddy Guy, who is an actual blues musician and not just any person who walks into a bar in Boston. This super-rare '64 JB Hutto Montgomery Airline mimics the one Jack White wails on in The White Stripes, a band who're always on the road. Seriously, they're on like, almost every road. Vallerie's also willing to do commissioned work and glassify your fave axe, meaning in theory people will still think you're a musician, even as you continue to avoid playing guitar in practice.