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I am more screwed up than most....

I thought I was already a member, but here goes... I am 47 have 3 kids with 3 different dads. I am totally in love with my husband, but he can't decide if he loves me or not, or wants to stay with us or not. He comes home for a few days or weeks, then leaves for a few days or weeks. He openly had a girlfriend since this past december, and i'm not sure they don't still see each other behind my back, since they text each other right in front of me. yes I know...I hear it all the time..."get away from him...he is a POS... he is OBVIOUSLY with her...he doesn't really love you...etc." I have heard it all and do realize this, but I love him, and have dealt with this type of s**t from him for the past 13 years, and it would take a book for me to really tell you why we have the relationship we have. I love him. He is my soulmate. No matter what, he knows he can come home to me, at least for now. Perhaps in the next 6 months or so I will become strong enough to really stay away, or make him leave, or whatever. I know there are women out there like me. you know you need to leave, but also know you won't. Feel free to message me if you would like to speak privately. i won't judge you if you don't judge me. I don't need anyone here judging me...I look in the mirror everyday. I judge myself more harshly than you EVER could.

How can you be so in love with someone who is not loving you the same way. It's a two-way relationship and 'real true love' is shared. In my opinion, women who stay in relationships like this are only suffering from self-esteem issues. As a woman, you deserve better treatment than that. I am not judging you, only hoping you see that you are worth more than you are getting. This is not love.

I know. I know i am stupid, lack self esteem, am not worth it.... I know all this. i also know that I am NOT the only woman out there who wants desperately to leave her man, or even worse, wants him to love her like she loves him! I bet there are hundreds of women out there in basically my situation. those of us who are so angry at our men we could scream, and so angry at ourselves we could do ourselves harm...if only we didn't have these wonderful kids to live for.... go ahead and judge us. Those of you not in our situation always do...."leave them", you say... oh my god if only it were so easy....I have a career. A house, and children in school, happy with thier lives. I can't just uproot everyone and everything in this economic market. I can't sell my house, i can't afford a divorce, I can't just kick him out if he isn't physically hurting me, I can't risk losing my job. it's the only thing keeping us alive. He comes and goes as he pleases with his whore..my kids know, yet they also know my hands are tied right now. i know I will get tons of emails from those of you "stronger than me." Those of you who have never been in this type of situation. I would LOVE to hear from those of you who ARE in my situation, anonomously even. Let's cry out and let the world know how WE HURT. Stop judging me. I am dealing with this the best way i know how. Trust me, when I know the answer to this I will sell it to the women of the world and get rich!!!! I am NOT the only woman living in an unloving and/or abused relationship yet can't get out. There are more of us than you "happy" people realize!

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