Monday, 10 June 2013

Eating My Words

I used to be the person who would say (rather self-righteously might I add) that pets are family and you don't give away your family.

And then I had a baby. And then I went crazy. And then I got better for a while. And then my baby turned into a toddler. And then I got cancer.

Stella has gone to live with Shawn's mom. It really hurts. I miss her every day. I feel ashamed that I ever judged anyone for giving up their pet because I didn't know. I didn't know how hard the decision is. I didn't know how heartbreaking it is to love your pet but know that what's best for them is to live with someone else.

There are a few bright spots. Shawn's mom's elderly dog passed away recently so Stella is doing her best to heal her heart. And Shawn's mom lives just 5 minutes down the road so we will still see her often. This isn't goodbye. It's just a change of scenery.

Wolfgang is still with us. He misses his companion but it's a better situation for him too. I don't want to get into all the details because I will get defensive and sad but the last few months have been hard on everyone - including the monsterpups. We agonized over our decision and in the end this is what works best for our family.

I deserve to be judged the way I've judged others. Just don't do it to my face, okay?

17 comments:

:( I completely trust that your reasons would have made perfect, if devastating, sense. Can I ask why it was Stella rather than Wolfgang? Wolfgang always seemed like your problem child (not that you'd love a problem child any less... But he might be harder to handle). This is so sad. I hope things start looking up for you soon. xxx

Stella is a high-energy, high-maintenance, high-needs dog. Don't get me wrong - she's an absolute sweetheart, she just needs so much more than we can provide right now. It's the beagle in her. Wolfgang is content to sit in a lap and sleep all day.

A friend recently talked of getting as dog while she is 5 minutes pregnant and has a less than one year old baby. And I said NOOOOOOO! You can't predict how your life will go, and sometimes it takes a fucked up turn and you're faced with hard decisions. Do what is best for you-so you can continue to be a mom and a spouse and a cancer fighter.

I'm not sure I ever love people more than I love them when they eat words. It's SO HARD TO DO. And SO ADMIRABLE. Some of my acquaintance-friends made "I'LL never breed" remarks back when I was having my babies, emphasizing points about careers, feminism, overpopulation, intellectual stagnation. They made me feel really bad. Now they're frantic to have children, and I would love so much for one of them to say, "I can't believe I used to say such horrible things. I just didn't get it, but now I do." The Resentment Wall in my heart would go RIGHT DOWN.

I have a girlfriend. We have been together for a little over six years. My girlfriend's mother just died a couple of weeks back very suddenly. It was awful. My girlfriend's mother has a little dog but we don't know what to do with it. We both love dogs but I have an incredibly sever allergy to dogs of all shapes and sizes. So ... now, we have to figure out what to do with the dog and it sucks.

Sometimes you have to make a hard decision, including with pets. At least you can still see her and she's with family! When I moved to Seattle from Santa Cruz, I made the agonizing choice to leave my dog of 7 years (my longest relationship!) with my best friend who had been my boyfriend when I adopted her and was a constant in her life. He really needed her more than I did and my new lifestyle wasn't particularly dog-friendly. He loved her through her cancer and was with her when she had to go. I'm forever grateful to him for taking good care of her because I could not. So, no judging, just sympathy and love.

I always felt this way until I had Cameron. Now I totally get it. We are super lucky that our dog is the most laid-back, patient dog on earth. If she weren't, we might be in a similar situation, and have already decided that after her, we won't be getting another one until we are totally out of the baby years. Never in a million years thought that would be my position- or Josh's. Hugs, lady. And how wonderful that she had a home to go to, and one that needed her as much as she needed it.

I am SO right there with you. I always judged people that gave away pets when they have a baby. We have 3 cats, and I'm seriously considering taking at least one back to the shelter. She wakes up the baby meowing loudly at 5am. She barfs all over the house. She sheds like nobody's business, which the baby puts in his mouth. It's stressing me out, and we really need to reduce the pet stress in our house. You sent Stella to a great home. You shouldn't feel guilty about that. Big hug.

Oh sweetie. All you deserve to eat is chocolate fudge, in large quantities.

I don't think anyone who has ever read this blog could doubt for a second that you love those monsterpups. Life sucks and hard choices have to be made. You made a choice that keeps Stella in a loving home, with someone she knows, who can give her what she needs. xoxo.

Parenthood, it's like one major slap in the face, isn't it?!? I think MOST parents were pretty judgmental before we had kids - and then we get a million wake-up calls, where the Universe is laughing in our face.

Sending hugs. I can't even imagine how hard that decision would be but I never for a moment doubted that you are making the best decision for you. And she's with a family member who can offer her a lot more companionship AND you guys can still visit often so that sounds pretty darn perfect to me. Hugs, hugs, hugs!

I'm Hillary (with two L's!) I would rather read the book than watch the movie. I swoon for acoustic guitars and raspy voices. I spend far too much time chasing naughty pups. I believe that a day without cheese is a very sad day indeed.