Twitter's 'Blue Tick' now the 'Holy Grail' for ambitious youth

In an age when reaching the highest rank of the high school social order no longer being attainable with just a lucky diagnosis of early-onset moustache growth, or an unrivalled ability to scale the school roof with consummate ease; researchers have delved deep into the complex environment of today's teen world, in a bid to unearth what it is that makes the youth of today 'tick', and have discovered that the answer is, worryingly, just a 'tick'.

'The Blue Tick', introduced by social network giant Twitter, to reassure its users that the unintelligible drivel from the likes of Jodie Marsh, is 'officially' the unintelligible drivel from the actual Jodie Marsh, and not just the ramblings of a grossly over-weight forecourt attendant called Steven, has proved a huge success - finally enabling the average person make a clear distinction between life's winners and losers.

Research carried out at an English high school, however, has indicated that Twitter's 'Blue Tick' has come to represent much more than just a safeguard against people haplessly following someone 'just pretending' to be TOWIE's Mark Wright, and has, in fact, become a pixelated embodiment of the words 'I've finally made it'.

Meesha and Jessie, classmates and best friends for three years, despite only having ever communicated via an Android Operating System, explained that being 'blue ticked' is something they hope to one day experience, as that would be, without question, a sign that they are 'dead famous' and 'absolutely minted'.

Professor Michael Herbert, who lead the research project, said: 'When we asked the children what they aspired to achieve, in terms of their professional and personal lives, none of them actually seemed to have a clue, but were adamant that they desperately hoped to one day have at least 1.5 million 'followers', and to have a tiny blue tick next to their name'.

The professor added: 'I fear that they haven't grasped that, in order to enjoy worldwide notoriety in any field, one must first actually build, and be proud of, a body of work that they can look back on, i.e. they actually need to do something. We've concluded that the youth of today seem to want the beauty of the rainbow, without the inconvenience of rain'.

The professor later explained that he had planned to dig even deeper with the project, but was quickly snubbed by the pupils when it was revealed he had just twelve followers on Twitter and didn't even have a Facebook account, thus putting him in the awkward position of not technically existing.