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Texting Indiscretions and Evite Etiquette

In the last edition of Internet Protocol, we discussed what to do when you get a misdirected e-mail message and when relationships on Facebook get complicated.

This week, we’re helping readers figure out whether or not it’s O.K. to tactfully text during a business meeting and how to respond to a misdirected social invitation.

As always, if you find yourself with a problem suited for the digital age, tweet your queries or e-mail me and I’ll do what I can to help you sort it out.

Is it O.K. to check your phone during a meeting? Is it acceptable if I keep it below the level of the table?

At first glance, this question seems like a no-brainer. Of course not! If you can use a phone during an important presentation, what’s next? Creating Twitter feeds for your cats? Updating your Facebook status during your wedding ceremony? Streaming the birth of your first child?

But the truth is, sitting with your hands primly folded during meetings isn’t very realistic for most people, as Shanti Atkins, president of ELT, a company that specializes in ethics and compliance training in the workplace, points out.

“Given today’s economy, and the fact that companies are operating extremely ‘lean and mean,’ employees are being required to multi-task and do more with less,” she said. “The fact that the employee is ‘stuck in a meeting’ is often not considered an excuse to delay an important response.”

To get an idea of how acceptable it is, observe the behavior of your smartphone-toting superiors during the next meeting. “In some cases, organizations might tolerate this since employees are expected to respond quickly to messages,” Ms. Atkins said. “In other organizations, it might be more appropriate to turn smartphones off during a meeting.”

In addition, you could always ask a boss whether or not it’s acceptable to check for critical, work-related messages occasionally in a meeting, Ms. Atkins said.

Either way, be discreet and be brief. It’s fine to zip back a quick line to a note inquiring about the status of the pile of T.P.S. reports gathering dust on your desk — but curb the impulse to retweet a funny zinger from the latest episode of “Glee” or skim TMZ for the latest updates on the Tiger Woods headcount.

I just received an online invitation to an engagement party for a couple whom I barely know (we were students together). Probably, they meant to type in someone else’s e-mail address. But what if they actually meant to invite me? How can I alert them that they may have made a mistake without running the risk of insulting them, if they meant to invite me, or making them feel like they have to invite me, too?

Ah, the wayward party invitation. Akin to those random Facebook friend requests that leave you puzzling over how you might know someone in Lithuania, getting an errant invitation requires a delicate touch to minimize embarrassment of your own foggy memory or offending an inclusive party host.

Time to whip out your best one-liners, said Stephanie Fader, who dispenses advice at MyPunchbowl.com, an online event planning site. E-mail the host to congratulate her warmly and explain you have to admit that you were a little surprised to be on the guest list.

“Temper your question with a similar story like when your eHarmony account matched you up with a coworker who you are very sure is not a match for you, or the time you accidentally sent your boss a picture of an engagement ring that you meant to send to your sister,” she said.

“This way,” she added, “you are up front and honest about your confusion, but you also excuse her if it was indeed, a technical gaffe. Everyone has their technical slip-ups from time to time and by identifying with her, you let her know that it is no big deal, while also covering your bases if you are meant to be on the guest list.”

Dealing with digital drama? We can help! Send your queries via e-mail or Twitter. And if you have your own solutions to the questions raised in this post, the comment bar is open for business below.

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