Nick and I had an intimate outdoor ceremony followed by a family-only dinner at a restaurant. We invited all the guests back to a local brewery later in the evening for a dessert and cocktail reception complete with a live eighties cover band. There was really nothing better than being married somewhere where we love to spend time outdoors with our family and dogs. We were so blessed to have that available to us as a venue. I wore my mother’s veil, and sourced most decor items from Etsy and BHLDN. The hardest part was finding the dress; I tried on a ridiculous amount of white gowns before I found the one—a blush pink ball gown by Watters Wtoo.

Favorite Thing About The Wedding

Including our pup Lola in the photos, seeing our groomsmen for the first time looking so dapper, the copious amount of tears shed by all, the showers of confetti from the piñatas, and the cow bell that made it out on the dance floor after almost everyone had left the reception. Nick found his true calling in that cow bell.

The venue, photography, and videography. Braden and I started planning our wedding only five months before the big day and we locked down our venue right away as we knew there was only one place it could be—Piebird Bed & Breakfast in Nipissing Village. In addition to being a B&B, Piebird is a vegan organic farm and small animal sanctuary. We had taken an organic gardening workshop there a year before our wedding and fell in love with it. From the cute old house, beautiful grounds, adorable animals, and being a twenty-minute drive from Braden’s parents’, it couldn’t be more perfect for us. We made it a priority to fit it into our budget. We also invested a good portion of our total wedding budget on photos and videos since those are the main keepsakes from the day and don’t regret that decision even a little bit.

Where we allocated the least funds

Alcohol: out of respect for some loved ones who have struggled with alcohol dependency we decided to make our wedding a dry one and instead served tea, coffee, iced tea, and my favorite drink—lavender lemonade (which went very quickly!). So although it wasn’t a budget motivated decision, our bar bill ended up being zero dollars. As an outdoor, afternoon affair we didn’t feel anything was missing by foregoing the booze.

What was totally worth it

Getting a wedding video: we originally debated about whether to get video or just photos, and would definitely recommend getting a videographer if you can (or having a loved one videotape the ceremony at the very least). The day goes by so quickly and I missed moments such as the little ones walking down the aisle first. Although we love the pictures, video just captures a whole other element, and I know we will treasure having video of the day in the years to come.

What was totally not worth it

Wasting time trying to paint my nails before the ceremony. Because I made all the floral arrangements, I left my nails until the last minute so they wouldn’t get wrecked. I’m not a nail polish kinda gal so I stressed myself out at the last minute trying to do a quickie manicure without getting it all over my hands or smudging them horribly. I say if something like polished nails doesn’t matter to you on any other day, don’t stress about it on your wedding day. Your wedding will fly by so focus on what matters—spending time with your loved ones and being present in the moment.

A few things that helped us along the way

I definitely relied heavily on APW during the planning process for sane advice on creating a meaningful celebration. We also received help from family and friends on DIY elements, in particular both of our mothers and my aunt.

My best practical advice for my planning self

Focus on what matters to you and try not to think about what people’s reactions may be to your choices. We had a dry, vegan wedding which I imagine is not something most of our guests had experienced before. But it was authentic to who we are, and I think at the end of the day people enjoyed being a part of something a bit different.

Also, try to involve your family and friends if you can. Shortly before our engagement we moved about five hours away from our friends and family and were planning everything on a relatively short timeframe (five months). As a result, leading up to the wedding I didn’t do traditional things like go dress shopping in a group (I purchased my dress online), or have an engagement party or shower. But when when everyone was finally in one place, one of my favourite things about the weekend was seeing our friends and family come together to help out before and after the wedding. My friends and family were busy helping with flowers the night before while the groomsmen were tying caps onto jam favours, and everyone was super awesome helping with the set up and take down. It is not only helpful to involve family and friends, but it can be a great bonding experience and chance to create memories.

Favorite thing about the wedding: Hearing my husband say the most wonderful vows he had written just made my heart melt and is my absolute favourite moment of the day. I said my vows after him and I had a hard time remembering mine because I got so emotional hearing his. There was a bit of comic relief in the ceremony though when our puppy started digging a hole in between us.

There were so many other great moments in the day that I wish I could list them all. Like having my younger sister and maid of honour bring one of the affectionate farm cats into my room for some morning cuddles. Being away from our kitties for the wedding, it put a smile on my face to have a cat purring in my bed first thing in the morning. Also, I loved our first dance. We didn’t know they were going to do this, but our musicians got the audience involved by shouting lyrics of the song and everyone really got into it. I remember looking out and seeing my older brother with a big smile on his face. It was just a great fun moment where everyone at the wedding came together.

Other Notes

We were inspired by an article on APW to do a mutual proposal as we thought it would help us start the next phase of our life together as equal partners. We went to the cutest little log cabin in a maple sugarbush and both asked each other for their hand in marriage. We had ordered custom rings for each other, but there were delays with both and neither of us had a ring when we proposed. But it was snowy outside and we had a fire, wine, fancy cheese, and each other so it was perfect.

We knew from the start that we wanted our wedding to reflect our values so we tried to make purchasing decisions with environmental impact and fair labour practices in mind. The wedding party attire was made with eco-conscious fabrics such organic cotton, hemp, and bamboo. The outfits and accessories were largely handmade in Canada, with a few items made in the U.S. and Europe. Almost all of the decorations we already had, purchased secondhand, borrowed, or were handmade by family. We opted for electronic invitations from Paperless Post to avoid paper waste, and the meal and desserts we served were vegan and organic.

Another element that was important to us was to include our pets in the big day as they are such a big part of our lives. Our dog Tenley was co-ring bearer with my nephew. He was outfitted with a custom bow tie collar made to match his dad and wore the ring pillow on his back made by my mom. Since we couldn’t include our two shy indoor cats in a way that would be safe and comfortable for them, we had a very talented artist paint realistic life sized cutout portraits of them on wood. Our two-dimensional cats got to be part of the ceremony and some of our portraits and was one of my favourite details of the day (the other being the kids’ table for my niece and nephews).

In terms of the feel of the day, we wanted our wedding to be intimate and laid back. We had under sixty guests, with no assigned seating plan and a buffet style meal. We had a variety of lawn and board games for our guests to play while we were busy with photos and after the meal. Guests were also free to explore the property to meet the animals on the farm (such as goats and turkeys), or relax on a picnic blanket (including the one handmade by my aunt for the kids to sit on during the ceremony).

For decor, two of my favorite things featured prominently—cats and flowers. I used mason jars and teapots to house flower arrangements, and I collected ceramic cats to use as table decor in the months leading up to the wedding. Since floral design is a passion of mine, I did all the florals for the wedding (with the help of family and friends who I taught a floral crash course to the day before). My aunt handmade beautiful pastel bunting flags, and Braden’s mom made the signage. We also placed old bells collected from family members on the tables for guests to ring whenever they wanted the newlyweds to kiss. My five-year-old nephew was pretty enthusiastic about ringing the bells to the point where Braden’s grandmother yelled out for us to “save some for the honeymoon.”

We originally planned for our ceremony to be outside in our favourite park where we used to walk our dog. But in the morning it started to rain and eventually torrential pour, so we had to come up with a backup plan, fast! We had rented a loft/gym to stay in for the week leading up to the wedding and we decided to clear it out and use it for the ceremony. While I was getting my hair and makeup done, Derek put candles everywhere, cleared away all of the gym equipment and put plants all around. We couldn’t have been happier with the way it turned out!

Favorite Thing About The Wedding

The ceremony—we wrote it ourselves and it was so special to be able to include everyone in such an intimate moment, including hearing each other’s vows for the first time. Our SECOND favourite thing was walking into the bar and seeing all of our friends and family, we didn’t stop laughing and hugging people for the rest of the night. Our friends, as an homage to a wild night at this bar years earlier, organized a giant game of headbands with our guests before we arrived. It was hilarious and got folks from different backgrounds talking and laughing together. Highly recommended for your next formal event. ;)

Catering: $3500 Food is important to both of us (organic farmer and all that), and we wanted to work with someone who would use our farm’s meat. They gave us a discount because we provided the meat and it was off-season. It was really fun to go to the butchers the week before the wedding and let them know what sort of roasts we wanted, then deliver them to the caterers.

Rentals: $1,000 Because our venue is normally a community space, and the reception hall is a soup kitchen most weeknights, we had to rent linens, plates, glasses, flatware, and the sound system. This article helped me out immensely when I was trying to decide what I needed.

Wine & Beer: ~$1,000 We got a liquor license and hired bartenders so that we could buy and serve our own alcohol. Our friends sourced out a microbrewery for us and got a couple of kegs of really good beer. My dad got good wine at a discount liquor store. Although it was expensive compared to our total costs, when we asked around at more traditional venues, they were talking about charging a $20/bottle corking fee if we brought in our own alcohol! It was important to us that we be able to serve good wine and beer.

Where we allocated the least funds:

Flowers: $200 Plus a gift of centerpieces from Chiara’s parents, purchased in bulk at the flower market in the big city, we bought our flowers from the local grocery store in bunches the day before the wedding and assembled the bouquets ourselves, using handy information from here.

Invitations: $100 Printing and postage. Chiara designed the invites using the free program Inkscape, and we set up a Tumblr for RSVPs.

Decor: ~$200 We bought Christmas lights on sale after Christmas, and asked friends and family to bring as many as they could round up. It transformed the church basement into someplace a little more magical. Other than some spray-painted wine bottles, that was most of the decor.

DJ: $70 For sound system. Chiara’s brother DJed the dance party from his laptop. Music was really important to us, but we also really wanted a good oldies dance party (which is not the typical DJ modus operandi, especially in a small town), so it worked out better for us to make the play list ourselves. Everybody got on the dance floor, and they danced until we kicked them out.

Hair And Makeup: $0 All the bridal brigade pooled their makeup and hair supplies and we did each other’s hair the morning of the wedding. Our tiny house was complete chaos, but it was so much fun. One of the groomswomen went to Sephora the week before the wedding a picked up a whole bunch of samples, which helped flesh out the makeup selection.

What was totally worth it:

Planning Everything from Scratch: Right after we got engaged, we talked about whether to go the DIY route and choose a venue that doesn’t do weddings and have to deal with all the logistics ourselves, or to go with an all-inclusive place that does weddings regularly and save all the hassle. We had less than four months to plan, so the traditional venue would have been the logical option. I went with the seemingly tougher choice and planned it all myself, partly because I had a pretty good idea of what I did and didn’t want, and partly to save money. Our venue used to be a church, but has recently been converted to a community space, and they hadn’t had a wedding since it changed hands. The board had to approve our use of the space. We had to hire security, get event insurance, buy all our own alcohol, get the liquor license, figure out all our own décor, hire a caterer, rent tablecloths, figure out how to keep all the beverages cold, etc. In the end, the extra work was worth it, because it turned out exactly how we wanted it without feeling like anybody else made decisions for us. The food was amazing, the music was perfect, and we got to see how much our community was willing to help us put together this celebration.

Grand piano rental: $300 The rental cost for the use of the grand piano at the venue seemed like a lot of money. I decided to do it, because the music for the ceremony was all live and performed by my community choir and friends. The music turned out beautifully. I loved seeing my friends and family acting out the words to one of the songs, and our recessional was “All You Need is Love” with two voices, the grand piano, a sax, and the choir. I loved it, and everyone joined in with singing us as we processed out.

Chair Covers: $300 This may seem strange, but I liked that we got chair covers (almost a third of the rental budget). We were going to ditch them, but then one night a few months before the wedding, I realized people might snag their pretty clothes on the old church basement chairs. They made everything look a little bit more formal and a little bit less church basement, too, which was a bonus.

What was totally not worth it:

We hired bartenders through online classifieds, and I kicked myself for not meeting them before hand. They were fine bartenders, but they got a fairly large tip and didn’t do much to help out. It was important to us to have bartenders, in case anyone needed to be cut off, but I wish I had gotten someone who would have done a little bit more help with the clean up. We also wished we had arranged to rent the space for the next morning, so we didn’t feel rushed about cleaning up at the end of the reception.

A few things that helped us along the way:

All of the family and friends who showed up the night before and set everything up, then helped clean up afterwards, and ran around running errands. The choir, who chipped in and organized the flowers for the ceremony space, which had not been a priority, but made it look that much more special. My amazing bridal brigade, who let me bounce ideas off of them, showed up the week before the wedding, and marched me around finishing off last minute things, while I was too burnt out from planning to think straight without my list.

My best practical advice for my planning self:

You can plan a wedding in three and a half months, and it will turn out beautifully, just remember to ask for help, and DELEGATE. Read the APW archives. They are chock full of invaluable information (like what rental items you need, and how much alcohol to buy). And read the APW book. It’s reassuring, and will help you stay grounded. Use Checkvist (or some other online checklist tool). If there is food and wine, people will probably be happy they showed up. Everything else is incidental.

Ask your photographer if they can come up with a different package that fits your budget. We shopped around to find a photographer we loved who was willing to work with our price point, which meant reduced coverage, but professional photos.

Favorite thing about the wedding:

The ceremony. The music sung by our friends and family, the words I agonized over writing, and the readings that ended up being perfect. Our officiant who was a friend, did an excellent job. Our vows, which we read off a sweaty piece of paper that had been in Justin’s pocket all day, were extremely moving. And Justin (even though he won’t admit it), cried a little bit. Because it was perfect.

We have some amazingly talented friends, and Chiara is part of a community choir, who did the music for the ceremony. Live music on the grand piano, with an amazing sax player, a flute, and the community choir were fabulous. Seeing everybody we loved in one place. Getting to hug them all, and celebrate with them. Doing a keg stand in my wedding dress at the after party.

Other Notes:

There are lots of articles on APW about planning a wedding in a short amount of time, and I just want to say it really is possible. We had three and a half months, and it turned out amazingly.

One sentence sum-up of the wedding vibe: Two bird lovers get hitched on a chilly Canadian March day, made warm with love, laughter, and crazy dancing!!

Other cool stuff we should know about: The best parts of wedding planning were all the DIT craft projects—reception backdrop, feather boutonnières and hair pieces, bird place cards, invitations and programs, maple syrup favors, bird nest and cage centerpieces. Not only did we save money, but we had plenty of bonding time with friends, family, and each other in the busy months leading up to the wedding. Also premarital counseling and writing our vows together.

The hardest but most rewarding part of wedding planning was being forced out of my people-pleaser comfort zone and actually speaking my mind and standing up for our baby family’s wedding wishes. Several tears and sleepless hours were spent willing myself to push back against the unwanted advice/feedback/ultimatums, and certainly compromises were made, but I’m a stronger more assertive person now as a result.

Favorite thing about the wedding:Joan—Francis’ face when I walked down the aisle and when I read him our vows in my not-at-all-fluent French. Laughing until my face hurt during dinner (our kissing game was to tell a joke and people certainly complied). Crazy dance party with everyone I love—in which the months at the gym paid off as I boogied my heavy dress around the dance floor. Francis—That I got to marry Joan. The beautiful rustic venue and decor. Our excellent venue that took care of everything for us. The delicious food—even our guests with specific dietary restrictions raved about their dinners!

Best wedding advice: Have a mantra or five to keep yourself grounded. My own mantra of “Don’t miss this” helped combat my propensity to worry ahead, and all of APW’s words of wisdom helped with the rest (your wedding is not a show, your wedding is not an imposition, the people you love won’t stop being themselves for your wedding day so enjoy them for who they are).

I wasn’t prepared to have all the feelings I had, when some of our loved ones had to decline—all for very, very, very good reasons. These feelings, ranging from sadness to jolts of (unwanted) anger, really surprised me, and I had to take a big step back from the whole thing to scratch my head at why it was impacting me so. Even though I am a longtime APW reader and therefore theoretically knew about the 10–15% ratio of guests that will end up declining, in my head I was very much, “It’s a tiny wedding! Everyone I love will come for sure! RAINBOWS FOR ALL!!!” First lesson: learned.

Planned Budget:

$5000

Actual Budget:

$7000

Actual ACTUAL Budget:

$10,000 (If I’m not cheating and count our wedding attire and rings)

Do you remember that scene, in Season 7 of Friends, where Monica has just been told by her parents that they spent the Monica Wedding Fund, that they’d promised her as a little girl, on their beach house instead? She is freaking out that she won’t be able to have her Dream Wedding Scenario # 1 of a rustic Italian feast and lilies, and Chandler says that he has some money tucked away, scribbles the dollar amount of what he has saved up so far for their future, and she says:

Monica: (To Chandler) How great are you, you little saver?! I mean, the-the amount you have is exactly the budget of my dream wedding!

Well. In that moment, as my quasi-feminist, just-starting-to-squirrel-away-some-hard-earned-Gap-employee-money, fifteen-year-old self, I was indignant that Monica would be so damn cavalier about the nest egg that Chandler had spent a lifetime saving up for. “No way I’ll ever waste so much money on a party,” I thought. Fast forward to almost a decade and a half later, when I declared to my then fiancé that we would be spending no more than five thousand dollars on this thing. Maximum. Non-negotiable.

This number was purely arbitrary, as we could afford to spend more, but I was bolstered by my old anti-MonicaGellarism, and my newly acquired views of the Wedding Industry Complex, in all its markup glory. For months, when anyone asked me about how planning was going, I’d describe some brief details of Saturna Island, or the parade, or the ribs and cornbread, but I’d always end off with a confident: “AND we’ll be spending no more than $5000!”

In retrospect, that number became a silly goal that I imagined would make me feel like a proud superhero (Look out! Here comes ThriftyGirl to the rescue!), but only became a kind of self-imposed prison when making decisions that would have been way less of headache if I wasn’t being so fastidious with my budget. Second Lesson: (sheepishly) learned.

Where We Allocated The Most Funds: Our photographer and our caterer. I was just about to write, “That was a no-brainer decision,” but then I realized that, because of my uptight budget goal, I hemmed and hawed over hiring a professional photographer for months, even though photos as a means of having a lasting keepsake is basically one of my most cherished things ever in life. It took a lot of reading APW for me to become wary of having a friend take your photographs, before I took the plunge. And although both the food and photography combined took up the entirety of the original budget, it was the Best. Decision. Ever.

Where We Allocated The Least Funds: The flowers were all courtesy of my mom’s bountiful garden, as well as a handful of lavender that I stole from a roundabout in my city (thanks, Vancouver!) in order to make boutonnières with. The venue was also gratis, as we got married on B’s dad’s front lawn on the island, and then had the reception at The Shorehouse, which is an outdoor communal/recreation space on a piece of land where his family has a share in as part of a co-op. Many of our friends, including ourselves, camped there for the better part of a week. Our DJ was a good friend of B’s, and he did it for a bro-price. We potlucked the dessert as well as the hard liquor bar, and spent $250 on a nice selection of craft beer that was served by our good friends on their makeshift canoe bar (Yukon tradition).

What Was Totally Worth It: Having a ceremony that might have been longer than the average one, but was so meaningful to us. We wanted to weave in the tradition of the Chinese Tea Ceremony, and although it is often done before the western ceremony, or in the privacy of just the immediate family, we wanted all our guests to witness the blessing of our marriage by our elders on both sides of the family. We are also pretty passionate wordsmiths, so there were many readings and sharing of our personal vows.

Oh, and the parade. The parade was worth it times ten thousand. The playlist we blasted from a graffiti-covered SkaFest van as our guests twirled and danced behind it, is here, should you want to have a listen.

What Wasn’t Worth It: Stressing about whether to rent a tent or not. When I was sticking to my stiff budget, there was no way a $1300 rental could factor into it, but after thinking about the logistics of stringing together several tarps to act as a tent, some wonderful APW readers luckily convinced me that, if it were to rain, I would have regretted my choice immediately, and wished I could pay someone millions of dollars to make sure my guests were safe and dry. Thanks, APW readers.

A Few Things That Helped Us Along The Way: Asking our dear friend, Courtney, to be our stage manager. She kicked our wedding’s ASS (in the best way possible). I literally have no idea how we could have done it without her calm but assertive spirit. Our family and friends also went above and beyond: from loaning us two hundred feet of white Christmas lights, to my girlfriends doing my makeup and hair, to my father-in-law and his partner providing all the wine that they made themselves, to all the guests that pitched in to transform our venue site from our hippie camp-out to wilderness-wedding-chic-worthy.

My Best Practical Advice To My Planning Self: Don’t worry about whether people will get along: they are all amazing adults and new friendships will organically happen. Trust me. Don’t worry about your mom’s family being uncomfortable with being cold, or not eating food they’re used to, or being left out because some of them speak mainly Chinese: they love you SO MUCH—even if they haven’t seen you since you were five—and you will feel their support like a laser beam into your heart.

It’s okay to care about stuff that you might think is perhaps shallow because it is aesthetic in nature. So, take some time to reapply your lipstick and your hair before photos. Just because you’ve been camping doesn’t mean you can’t check the mirror, for fear someone’s judging you!

And that great advice that you heard on APW where your friends and family don’t just magically change just because you have a wedding? It applies to you too. You will not suddenly turn into someone else. Because of your intuition and hypersensitivity to the feelings of others, if there is minor drama, you will not just miraculously “not even notice” just because that’s what you keep reading. You will notice, and you will care, because that’s just the kind of (highly draining) compassionate person you are. That is okay.

Favorite Thing About The Wedding: The love. The kind that radiates from family reuniting for the first time in twenty years; the kind that comes from meeting nieces and nephews; the kind that emanates from your dad as he gives the most heart jerking speech ever, starting with, “When I phoned my ninety-one-year-old mother to tell her my daughter was getting married, she asked me, ‘Is he Chinese?’ I said, ‘No…’ and she said, ‘Whaaaaaaaaaaat???’ Let me tell you, I could not care less about that fact. Not. One. Bit.”; the kind that happens on the dance floor when everyone links arms to sit on the floor in a big circle for the last dance and impromptu sing-a-long; the kind that can only be explained by the look I shared with my husband on the hill on top of the long grass, as we saw each other for the first time, all made up.

What I know now, that I didn’t know then, is that a wedding isn’t just a party. It is your bright, shiny past colliding with your bright, shiny future, in a crossroads of the most enveloping joy I have ever felt.

Other cool stuff we should know about: We got married at a family-run strawberry farm in a remote part of Ontario, Canada. The farm is completely organic and off the grid. And Greta is Icelandic. Our dog Bruce also just started walking on two legs, without us teaching him…

Favorite thing about the wedding: The band, the super moon, the homemade ice cream sandwiches, and Bruce’s bow tie.

One sentence sum up of the wedding vibe: A day full of love from family and friends with DIY flair all done on a strict budget.

The Info—Photography: Nordica Photography / Venue:The Cammidge House / Jody and Rob’s Outfits: Designed with the help of local talent / Bridesmaids’ Dresses: Chosen by the bridesmaids and made by Meghan Rauth at Possibilities Custom Design / Bridesmaids’ Accessories:Cinder & Sage Designs / Food: Made on-site and locally sourced from neighboring farms by Seasonal 56 / Cake-Pops: Made by a family friend who just started her own business, Sunny Munday’s / Wedding Coordinator: Sister Spirits / Flowers: Put together by a family friend with a flare for the botanical / Tent and Rentals:Classic Party Rentals / Mason Jars: Picked up for free on Kijiji and painted with blackboard hearts / Photobooth Props: Picture frames scored for free at a garage sale; mustaches made from dowels and craft foam from the loonie store / Guestbook: A family friend painted over a canvas from Ikea that we had but didn’t care for, and our guests signed it instead of a book / Favors: Rob’s sister worked at a nursery, so she ordered the succulents wholesale and we crafted the tags

Other cool stuff we should know about: Besides getting to marry my best friend I had an amazing opportunity to connect with my sister. Years of conflict culminated the night before the wedding. We finally resolved years of turmoil in some blunt words and teary hugs. When my big day arrived, it hit home: I was enjoying the best time of my life. When we arrived at the farm house, it was cloudy and chilly. As I came down the stairs the clouds literally parted and the sun came out. With both my parents smiling, my sister and girlfriends at my one side and Rob at the other… well, at that moment life was simply perfect. Everything was as it should be.

We crafted and we crafted a lot. You name it, we built it. Of special note were our invitations—I think they turned out beautifully. I ordered plantable paper, and we made our own pocket folds, and stuffed them with kraft paper.

Our wedding was not supposed to happen at the Cammidge House. After well over a year of planning, and only three weeks before our wedding, the Fire Marshall in Abbotsford, where we were supposed to get married in a barn, called to say they were shutting down the venue due to unsafe conditions. The only reason we decided to get married on a Wednesday was because that was the only day we could secure the barn—lucky for us, because we still had the pick of the litter for venues.

I had fallen in love with Nordica Photography when I was first engaged. Rob and I had agreed to spend the bulk of our budget on the food and the photographer, as these were the most important things to us. I had contacted Nordica July the previous year, but no matter how hard I tried, I could not fit them in my budget. We secured another couple of photographers. Well, one week before our big day we found out that while we had booked two photographers, the two of them had “broken up” and we now only had one. It was important to us that we had two as we wanted to do very few portraits and we wanted the bulk of our photos to be journalistic in style, capturing those important moments as they happened. We could not come to an agreement with the remaining photographer and had to fire him the week before our big day. With nothing to lose, I approached Nordica again: they remembered me as their biggest fan—ha! Long story short, they heard my plight and were able to accommodate my budget, the compromise being that Rob and I had to agree to do portraits at sunset on the beach—and we are so glad we did. Everything happens for a reason!

Favorite thing about the wedding: How it all came together, despite the trials and tribulations leading up to it, and how all the DIY details looked amazing; the work paid off!

Other cool stuff we should know about: We got married at my parents’ house in small-town Ontario, where I grew up. It was great to have a mix of old friends and neighbours, family from Britain, and good friends (and thesis supervisors) from Toronto all together in one place. Luckily we found an officiant who was totally open to our ideas for a secular ceremony; he even let us substitute W.H. Auden for Jesus in the text.

Everything about our wedding was a little “imperfect,” from our community-hall chairs, to our ceremony sing-a-long, to our multi-vendor catering (and our servers—the high school wrestling team!). We were worried all along that it wouldn’t be what people expected in a wedding, but on the day we just felt surrounded by so much love. Our imperfect wedding turned out to be perfect for us!

Favorite thing about the wedding: Everyone rocking out to “Smells Like Teen Spirit.”

]]>http://apracticalwedding.com/2012/12/wordless-wedding-sunny-phil-2/feed/231971 Vintage Wedding: Amy & Fredhttp://apracticalwedding.com/2011/09/1971-vintage-wedding-amy-fred/
http://apracticalwedding.com/2011/09/1971-vintage-wedding-amy-fred/#commentsTue, 06 Sep 2011 16:30:08 +0000http://apracticalwedding.com/?p=17558Today’s Vintage Wedding is a brilliant must-read for about a million reasons. But what I like best is it simultaneously reassures you that simple weddings are very traditional, while reminding you that the wealth of options we have now (Keep your name!…

Today’s Vintage Wedding is a brilliant must-read for about a million reasons. But what I like best is it simultaneously reassures you that simple weddings are very traditional, while reminding you that the wealth of options we have now (Keep your name! Get married in a park with a reception in a BBQ joint!) are not to be taken for granted. All that, and it’s just super smart, so read on. (And then go interview your parents and submit their Vintage Wedding.)

My parents were married in Toronto, Ontario, on August 21, 1971. My mom, Amy, was 21 and my dad, Fred, was 23. My mom says, “I think the average age for getting married was younger then, but we were pretty young even so—we were both still in school. In 1971, and in our families, we couldn’t live together unless we were married. We badly wanted to live together, so we got married! We had a little car (a Datsun sedan we called Daisy), some used furniture, an apartment that cost $125/month, about $1000 in the bank, and lots of high hopes!”

My mom made her own wedding dress, and for reasons that she says “have disappeared in the fogs of time” decided that every inch of her skin should be covered—long sleeves, high neck and even a bonnet in August—but she loved doing it. She says “I remember spending many hours that summer in my parents’ basement, sewing and dreaming about our wedding and married life!” Typical of my mom, the dress pattern doubled as her major project in her Advanced Flat Pattern course at University (her major was Clothing, Textiles and Design).

The wedding was very small—only about 20 people. This decision didn’t come without a fight—apparently family arguments over guest lists are nothing new. “The wedding itself was lovely (except that the front of the church was under construction). But the hours and minutes before the wedding were tense. Until they showed up at the church, it wasn’t certain whether Fred’s family was going to attend. They were upset because we had foolishly told them they could invite only six people to the wedding. Since there are literally hundreds in their extended family, this was not a popular decision!”

My dad says, “By the time I was ready to go to the church—with the best man [his brother, who hadn’t yet shown up] or a substitute—I was so stressed I just wanted it to be over. I was resigned to the fact that my family might not be there, but I wasn’t going to miss this day for anything.”

It was important to my mom that the wedding be small—she was terrified of being the centre of attention of such a large crowd, and there were financial considerations as well. Funnily enough, 40 years later she’s an Anglican Reverend who specializes in officiating weddings and other celebrations, so it’s her job to speak in front of those crowds! Luckily my dad’s family turned up (all 6 of his siblings and his parents), and in retrospect, she says, “I didn’t handle things well at all with my in-laws. No wonder we weren’t sure they were going to show up on the big day. They did turn up at the wedding and after our honeymoon they gave us a lovely party in their home town. ”

The ceremony was followed by a simple, early afternoon luncheon at a nearby inn (talk about retro, my mom says). There may have been champagne for toasts, but my parents can’t remember!! Then they made their escape in their Datsun to their honeymoon at the cottage of friends in northern Quebec—a six hour drive. They made it halfway there and collapsed, both of them, exhausted and with headaches. Their advice is not to plan a long drive immediately following your reception.

Their answers when I asked about their favorite moments of the day were funny, I thought. My type-A, perfectionist mom’s favorite moment was “walking down the aisle with Fred, knowing that we were married! One of the happiest moments of my life.” My laid-back Dad on the other hand? “Earl [brother and best man] was so late getting to Toronto that I thought I’d have to phone my friend Alan to be the best man. I was more than stressed. The best memory was the feeling of relief I had when Earl and I finally arrived at the church. We weren’t really late—we just got there after the bride! I guess she was truly excited about the day! How many brides get there early? I loosened up a bit when I saw Amy walking down the aisle.” I think it’s cute and telling that he was so nervous and remembers that stress so vividly 40 years later.

Something that came up again and again talking to my parents about their wedding was that there wasn’t a lot of choice—something my mom really appreciates that couples have when they’re getting married today. She says, “Our wedding was straight from the book, there were no choices that I recall. It was not possible to be married outside the church, in a garden or at a country club. It was not possible to insert anything personal into the ceremony. I wanted to have Karen Carpenter’s We’ve Only Just Begun during the service, but the organist told me not to even think about it! I believe that the wedding ceremony should reflect the personalities of the bride and groom and the love between them. So I give lots of choices. I encourage brides and grooms to choose the words and readings they want, or to write parts of the ceremony themselves. The marriage ceremony is important because it affirms and seals the relationship. Bride and groom stand up in front of their friends and family and declare their love for each other. It’s important to do that in words that sound right to them and that reflect their values and beliefs. And it’s important to have the music they want, too!”

I also remember feeling, growing up, that my mom wished she hadn’t changed her name to my dad’s when they got married, so I asked her about it. She said, “In 1971 not very many women were keeping their own names. I expect all of the elder generation on both sides would have been horrified if I had not changed my name to [Hislast]. But, frankly, it didn’t occur to me to keep my name, just as it didn’t occur to us to live together instead of getting married. I think it was probably at least four or five years later, when feminism had really reached Canada, that I even thought of it. By then I had the beginning of a professional reputation, so I didn’t want to revert.” She says that now that she’s had our family name for twice as long as her maiden name, it would feel wrong to go back.

Finally, from my dad, the truth about wedding photos: “When I look at the pictures of the wedding there is one taken when we were in the back of the 1932 Buick, it looks like we’re laughing and smiling. It was taken at the precise moment she was saying, ‘You’re sitting on my veil!’”