Sensitive Guys Are Looking More Closely At Their Maleness

December 29, 1996|By Wes Smith. Tribune staff writer.

"One of the things I write about in my new book is that we have entered an era of the `multiple-option woman' and the `no-option man,' " he said. "A middle-class woman can get married and have children and look at three options. She can work full time, raise the children full time, or do a combination of both.

"A man in the situation also has three options. One is that he can work full time. Two is that he can work full time. And three is that he can work full time," Farrell said. "More accurately, many men are working two or three jobs or taking a lot of overtime.

"This is the male `Catch-22,' because today the more a man is working and away from his family's love, the more he is recognized for providing for his family."

Another pioneer in the Masculinities Movement, Fred Hayward of Sacramento, Calif., founded Men's Rights Inc. nearly 25 years ago after deciding that sexism was a curse for men as well as women.

He offered the Lifeboat Scenario as evidence.

"When you are on a cruise and they have a lifeboat drill, you learn that it is women and children first into the lifeboats. You'd get shot if you tried to do it differently," he said.

"Men accept that because we are deeply conditioned to look upon ourselves as less valuable than women," Hayward said.

"The institutions that enforce sexism against men are at least as strong as those that do it to women," said Hayward, who then noted that he would be unavailable for any further comment for most of the next day.

"I am raising my 2-year-old son," he said, "and I don't have time for any real conversation until he goes to sleep."