Sunday, March 27, 2005

wrinkles

i attended a funeral this afternoon. well, i was forced to attend. i didn't wanna go because i was busy working on my blog, making changes, adding stuff, etc. but my grandmother was so persistent that i decided to go. i wasn't up to having any arguments with her.

anyways... she was a neighbour, an old woman, maybe about 65 years old. i didn't particularly like her when i was a kid. well, all of the kids in the neigbourhood didn't like her. for the little people, she was a witch. she would always shout at children and make them stop playing. she would splash water to the ground to stop the kids from running around. i didn't know a single kid who grew up liking her.

even the old people never seemed to like her so much. if she was a witch to the little kids, she was a bitch to the older ones. sure she has lots of friends. but all of them has a little something bad to say about her. and about her children. and about her family as a whole. she wasn't nice. in the afternoons, the neighbours used to play bingo and they say she cheats. she would change cards even if the numbers were already being called out. at the end of the game, she will owe someone a few bucks and won't pay it back. there were times when i played bingo with them and i myself had some bad bingo experiences with her. [i was the bingo princess hehehe] start asking people about her and i'm pretty sure they will say a lot of bad things and only a few good ones. some people even joked that they should play the song 'pasaway' at the funeral march.

i didn't care much about it when i was getting older. for me, she was an old lady that needs to be understood a little more and be patient with. if i see something bad that she does, i would simply let it go or ignore it. and then i will just tell myself "ahh.. old people".

she was always smirking if you see her pass by. always had a hard face. if it was just her nature, i wasn't sure. but she was nice sometimes. she would start a small talk when she sees me, which i usually answer with an 'opo' or just a nod. because she knew i was working in a company that makes bathroom tissues and table napkins, and she was aware that i do bring home some 'reject' from work, she would secretly ask me if she could have some napkins. 'ilalagay ko lang sa likod ng apo ko' has always been her excuse. though i didn't like her, i would always say yes because she always had the good reasons when she asks for things. i would secretly give her a pack of table napkins, sometimes two. we would have this silent agreement that my grandmother will never know about it. the two women didn't get along well. they used to always fight about something. it makes me laugh sometimes when i see them acting like kids. well... old people.

i still remember her face. the thin lips that always had red lipstick on. the eyebrows that were perfectly plucked and penciled. the dark eyes that were deep. the short hair that was always brown. as a child, and even when i was growing up, i have been amazed by how well she looked. the make up and accessories and everything. oh.. and there's one thing that i think i will never forget about her. she smokes. in a weird way. she puts the lighted end of the cigarette inside her mouth. and that's not all. she talks while smoking that way. once, i tried doing it and i felt sick. i'm still wondering now how she did it. maybe i should try it again sometime.

anyways...

people say that once you die, you will know what kind of a person you were when you were still alive. the number of people that will go to your wake will somehow tell what kind of life you lived. if no one goes... well... but from what i saw, there were too many people who went. if what people say was true, well, maybe she was nice after all.

i found it funny that her children and their children, as well as her other relatives were crying in the church after the service. from what i remember, these people never showed her that they cared when she was still alive. it wasn't a surprise that the neighbours didn't respect her so much. but her family not respecting her was something else. the little grandchildren, little as they were, used to shout at her when she was trying to stop them from doing things. even her children didn't respect her. she cursed them, they cursed her back. it makes me shiver when i think about it. a child cursing his own mother. is it because she was a bad parent, or simply, she had been given evil kids? maybe she wasn't a good kid herself. maybe she cursed her mother, too. that's why she was given children who cursed her. but if this was the case, then maybe her mother wasn't a good kid either. and it will go on and on. damn my thoughts.

funerals make me sick. especially this one. people cry, but i'm always not sure if they cry because they lost a loved one, or they cry just to make a show. if they didn't care about the person who died while she was still living, then why on earth will they care now that she's dead? maybe they realized what she meant to them now that she was gone... but aren't they too late for that? ahh... maybe she stated in her last will and testament, if ever there was one, that the relative who cried the most will take the bigger part of the properties she left behind. fine... fine... i was trying to be funny, alright?!

well... maybe i should end this with a reminder that we should never forget to tell our family and all the people we love, how much we love them and how much we care for them. make them feel loved and cared for NOW... while they are still here... and not later when they can't smell the flowers anymore.