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ASSIGNED NUMBERS

Unlike the MPAA we do not assign one inscrutable rating based on age, but 3 objective ratings for SEX/NUDITY, VIOLENCE/GORE and PROFANITY on a scale of 0 to 10, from lowest to highest, depending on quantity and context.

In 17th century Amsterdam a teenage orphan (Alicia Vikander) is given to a wealthy tulip dealer (Christoph Waltz) for a wife so she can give him an heir, but she does not conceive. When he commissions a portrait of them she begins a torrid affair with the artist (Dane DeHaan) and she devises a plan for escape. Also with Zach Galifianakis, Judi Dench, Holliday Grainger, Matthew Morrison and Cara Delevingne. Directed by Justin Chadwick. [1:47]

SEX/NUDITY 7 - A nude man lies on top of a nude woman in bed as she arches her back and begins to scream; he runs his hand over one of her breasts (in profile), her side, and her thigh as he thrusts several times as the scene ends (we see him in full side nudity; his crotch area is not evident). Three scenes feature a seated nude man and woman and she straddles his groin and thrusting wildly as both moan (we see her in full side nudity, along with a glimpse of both breasts and her buttocks). In a bedroom scene, we see a man's bare chest above bed covers and we see one of a woman's breasts when he lies on top of her as the scene ends (sex is implied).► A clothed man and woman are shown sitting up in bed with covers over their laps and her hand is under covers making rhythmic movements as he is silent. A woman in a kitchen rubs a man's chest inside his shirt, puts her hand into his trousers waistband briefly, and kisses him; he kisses her while she is backed against a wall with one of her legs wrapped around him.► A woman looks nervously at a man and shudders slightly; later, the man caresses her face, her shoulder, and one clothed breast and they remove her collar dress, and underdress, and his shirt and we see their bare shoulders as they kiss. A man asks his maid if she is in love with a fishmonger and she walks out of the room and meets the fishmonger in the kitchen and kisses him; later, he pulls her back to him in the kitchen, kisses her neck, and rubs her groin area.► In half a dozen scenes we see a nude woman from the side (with her breasts and crotch area covered by long hair) and a glimpse of one bare buttock with a nude man lying beside her. A nude couple is positioned such that we see their bare shoulders and arms, her lower legs, and part of his upper back; we see a glimpse of both thighs and a partial buttock as the camera cuts to her kneeling on the bed with her long hair covering her chest and abdomen. A man calls a woman who has a cloak like his fiancée's; the woman walks into a house and the man on the outside sees the woman's back as she kisses another man and he cries. A woman looks into a mirror and sees bite-like bruises at the base of her throat after a sexual encounter. A few women in a tavern wear dresses that reveal cleavage in V-neck and scoop neck tops. A woman wears a square neckline that reveals cleavage that looks pushed up by her corset in several scenes. A nude man with many wide leaves wrapped around his waist rides a donkey that other men beat with a thin stick (we see his bare chest and back). A Rubens painting shows a nude woman lying on her back with her legs together to cover her genitals, and we see bare breasts, navel and legs. An ink sketch features a fully nude woman from head to knees, one hand covering the pubic area.► A woman shakes her bosom in a man's face in a tavern and he tells her he is not interested, as another man and another woman go upstairs together and sex is implied; a couple of men are shown kissing women briefly in the background and a woman chases a man and kisses him briefly, but he tells her to go away.► Sitting face to face and clothed in straight chairs, a doctor asks a woman to put her feet at the outer sides of his thighs and when she does, he greases a hand and reaches under her long skirt as she slaps his face; the doctor tells her husband that he and his wife may not have conjugal relations again until the baby is born. A woman visits a doctor who asks, "How late?" and she says she wants help conceiving (the doctor thought she wanted an abortion); he takes her into a bedroom and begins to unbutton his trousers, she slaps him in the face and leaves.► A woman tells her female boss that she is pregnant and will die of shame; in a few weeks the woman displays a swollen pregnant belly under very wide skirts and under a long nightgown. A woman stuffs her skirt to look pregnant and tells her husband she is pregnant; he cries with joy.

VIOLENCE/GORE 4 - A man in a tavern throws a tankard of ale to the floor, screams, and fistfights with a stranger; four other men constrain him, beat him in the stomach, and throw him out the door. A man appears at a woman's door after having disappeared as a sailor for about a year; she shouts and beats him with her fists and they argue loudly. An elderly woman beats a man over the head with a cane and he falls unconscious (no injuries are visible).► A doctor tells a man that his wife died in childbirth; the man looks dazed for several seconds and slams the doctor into a wall, enters a bedroom and pulls back a heavy sheet to see his wife wearing a long gown and lying on her back, looking dead.► A pregnant woman bends over and groans loudly during labor as another woman bends over and groans, pretending to be in labor as well; the two women scream several times during labor and another woman rubs the pregnant woman's back; the pregnant woman sits in a midwife's lap and the midwife rubs her belly, the midwife sits the woman down and walks to the front, pushes on the pregnant woman's belly and a bloody baby falls out of the woman's long gown and into the midwife's hands (a towel has several bloody marks on it).► Two pall bearers nail a woman into a coffin and place her into a long boat; inside the coffin, the woman hyperventilates but is later freed.► A dead man is pulled out of a canal. Men pull a long cloak from a canal and a male bystander thinks it belongs to his fiancée, who must have drowned herself, he says; he cries out in anguish, and a male friend pulls him away from the canal.► Several scenes in the crowded backroom of a tavern feature men and women shouting, arguing, and pointing as they bid on ownership of species of high-priced tulips. A tavern scene shows a backroom wrecked, its tables turned on their sides and paper, goblets, spilled liquids, and accounting books strewn over the floors.► At an outdoor market, a headless pig lies spread open with a cut through stomach from throat to tail, revealing many bones and red lengths of meat. A blackened human skull is used as a desk decoration. An elderly woman slams her cane onto a desktop, where a giant rat runs away.► A pregnant woman covers her mouth, runs into a bedroom, and wretches into a bowl (we see brown liquid at the bottom of the bowl). A wife bends over a bowl and makes retching sounds as her husband comes into the room and he looks concerned. A woman looks into a mirror and sees bite-like bruises at the base of her throat after a sexual encounter.► A woman says to a visiting man, "You smell of fish. Kindly stand downwind." A man tells his doctor at home that if his wife, who is in labor, has trouble in delivery, then to save her instead of the baby. A large group of geese honk and chase a man at night, frightening him.

PROFANITY 3 - 1 scatological term, 5 mild obscenities, name-calling (fool, filthy little whore, pompous old windbag), exclamations (shut-up), 23 religious exclamations (e.g. Oh God, By The Lord, What In God's Name, Thank God, It Was God's Will, It's Up To God, God Forgive Me, God Loves You, God Help Me, she went direct to God, God heard me and he punished me, God has forgiven you, it was an act of God, a family says grace before three meals, a man and wife say prayers before bed six times, two hymns are sung in the background at a church). [profanity glossary]

SUBSTANCE USE - A doctor waves incense of some sort under a woman's nose and asks if she is nauseated. A man asks a servant if he is sober and the other man replies that he can't remember what a drink tastes like, a man drinks mugs of ale at an auction and continues to drink additional ale at a market until he stumbles and slurs his words, a man and a woman seated at a long table eat dinner and he has a tall glass of beer (untouched), a maid pours wine for a man and a woman (they do not drink), a pitcher of wine is seen on a dinner table, a maid pours wine for a couple and the man sips his, several men sip from metal tankards of ale in several scenes, a few women sip from ale tankards, a young girl holds a tankard and spills unknown liquid as another child hits it, men and women in a dining room are shown with tall glasses of beer and short glasses of wine and a few men drink from their glasses, a man drinks brandy at home, and six women drink from glasses of wine in a parlor. A few men and three women smoke long pipes in the backroom of a tavern in four scenes, a nun smokes a long pipe in a church and a woman smokes a long white pipe briefly at home, and a man smokes a pipe at his desk.

DISCUSSION TOPICS - The tulip commercial boom of the 1600s, orphans, Catholicism, marriages of convenience, role of women in the 1600s, death in childbirth, sacrifice, relationships, love, passion, adultery, heartbreak, abandonment, generosity, starting a new life, happiness.

MESSAGE - You may find a better life than the one you have now, especially if you make sacrifices for another's happiness.

A CAVEAT: We've gone through several editorial changes since we started covering films in 1992 and some of our early standards were not as stringent as they are now. We therefore need to revisit many older reviews, especially those written prior to 1998 or so; please keep this in mind if you're consulting a review from that period. While we plan to revisit and correct older reviews our resources are limited and it is a slow, time-consuming process.

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