Recovery in marriage

January 23 is a special date in our home.

And this year, it marked 5 years of sobriety for my husband. If you aren’t familiar with the backstory, in a nutshell, we’ve been together 12 years, which made for quite the rocky start, after the initial infatuation. I’ll post a link at the bottom if you want to know more…

But today’s post is going to focus on my part. Because just as addiction is a family disease, it requires the family’s participation in the recovery process.

I thought that if he just quit drinking, that life would be ok. You know – sunshine and rainbows and happy happy joy joy. Holding hands and just oozing love…

Then it was if he just got a steady job…

Then it was if he just did more around the house…

All the while, there was this overarching feeling of “YOU OWE ME” that I’d basically use over his head to get my way.

One day not that long ago he informed me that he doesn’t owe me a damn thing. That stung. In a visceral kind of way like being told of a death, or an unexpected pregnancy, or a job loss has. The kind that disorients you, sucks your breath away, and feels a like you might be drowning.

A brutal truth that once known, changes everything.

And there it was. Even more work on me that needs to be done. I want to avoid it. I don’t want to hurt. I don’t want to admit that MY behaviors, thoughts, feelings, and beliefs are contributing to the problem. But they are.

I’ve said on many occasions that I was sicker than he ever was. I started my recovery journey in a 12 step fellowship. I had a nice workbook that I answered my questions, and worked via email with a sponsor across the country but the truth was – I still have some shit inside of myself that needs to be healed. And I always will.

The recovery process is messy.

For everyone who takes it on. And just when you think things are going pretty smoothly, the universe pulls back another layer and BOOM – another assignment. You can avoid it. You can ignore it. You can force yourself to move thru on a surface level. But it’s not going away until you heal it.

It’s not easy, but it IS simple.

You have to feel it to heal it. You have to move through, with some faith and support that it’s going to be better on the other side. The valleys aren’t fun – but they’re pretty neat when you’re at the top of the next mountain. And you’re the only one who can keep putting one foot in front of the other to get thru it.

As a coach, I’m working on helping other women see their valleys for what they are – opportunities to move up the next mountain. Sure, I have my own mountains, but I’ve been over a few, so I know what I need to do… Think of me as a sherpa 🙂

So, on to the next mountain my deary… You got this. And I got your back.

If this post resonates – a comment, like, and/or share lets me know. And if you need some help over a mountain? I got you girl. Schedule a complimentary coaching session to get started on blazing your trail – click here.

Here’s the link as mentioned above with a bit more of how this whole coaching thing came about 🙂 it’s the first of my 4-part blog series “When you feel like giving up”.

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