Rites of Passage (2011) Movie Script

( eerie orchestral music ) MAN: Bitch was going the wrong way on the 101. MAN: She's going the wrong way on the 101. She blew a 2.3! Walked away without a scratch! I'm gonna kill that Chumash bitch. ( rock music plays ) Whoo! ( laughs ) Yeah! ( student chatter ) GIRL: Here come the Delta Gamma Whore-pedoes. Look at that skirt. GUY: They're so beautiful. GIRL: Seriously. You brought your books today. All right, let's settle down, people. We got a lot to go over before the mid-term. Okay, this is a Chumash Indian shaman. He believed he was a shape shifter. He would drink Jimsonweed tea, which was made from the root of this flower. That shit's fucked up. Oh, it'll get you fucked up. Then they would hallucinate. The shaman believed he would shape shift into a were-bear, which is the great California Grizzly. ( growls ) - Shh. - All right, Dani? What's going on? You got a problem back there? We're talking about your heritage. I'm only half Chumash. My mom's British. Look, what happened to your people was tragic, okay? It was criminal. Those the Spanish didn't kill would torture and disease. They finished off with guns and bigotry. ( soft moaning ) ( unzips ) Mmm, Doug. Doug. Doug, I gotta go. - I have to. - You sure? No. No-- no, I gotta go. I have class. - Yeah? - Yeah, I have class. Hey, my family is coming in on Sunday. I'm driving down. We're gonna have lunch on State Street, wanna come with us? We'll have mimosas, we'll get carded. Uh, your parents? Yeah, is that weird? It's a little serious, Doug. ( loud knock ) Well, I'll call you later and we'll figure it out. Okay. All right, go. Bye. Hey, Nathan. Come on in, man. That was a great paper you wrote. Oh, you wanted to see me about your assignment. What's going on? Yeah, um, well, my father, see, he owns this property, it's just south of campus. Um-- Well, get to the point. What's up? It's a Chumash burial site. The Anderson Rose Ranch? - Yeah. - That's your family? - Mmm-hmm. - Jesus. They never let anyone dig up there. Yeah, well, um, so I was thinking of recreating a brush hut ceremony this weekend. You know, for the assignment? I'd enjoy participating in that. Consider that approved. ( gulls calling ) ( tribal chanting ) ( loud creaking ) Grandmother Momoy, I've come to beg for your roots. I promise to do you no harm. I need to borrow your magic for tonight. ( lighter clicks, closes ) Cooking up your funny tea there, Benny? I would appreciate it if you would confine yourself to the greenhouse I gave you. And stay out of my business. The quicksand effect of depression. A strategy for a true freedom. To hell with this self help crap and Amazon.com for taking my money when I was confused. ( echoes ) Confused. I'm the shaman. I am the bear. May Grandmother Momoy take me to the far away place. ( party chatter ) ( echoing voices chanting ) ( laughter ) ( echoing voices ) ( bear howls ) ( overlapping voices ) ( tires screech ) Stop it! Get away! Ugh! Hello! Don't you see me here? ( echoing voices chanting ) Everything all right? This guy is just riding my ass. What are you looking at? - Do you even know that guy? - No. - Are you okay? - Yeah. ( pop music blaring ) Crazy how fast this coverage came in, huh? Yeah, it was gorgeous earlier. You never told me what it's like getting shot. Knocks the wind out of you. But hey, it got me discharged. Otherwise I'd still be over there. All throughout history, most cultures have what they call a rite of passage ceremony. Turning boys into men. I mean, you fought a war. I guess mine is shot gunning beers, trying to get laid and failing miserably at it. Sometimes I just feel like I'm always gonna be stuck, you know? Never knowing what I'm made of. Nathan what I think you want... It's not all it's cracked up to be. You want the gak or not? You little, fucking tease. Are you fucking for real? You're fucking trying to set me up, you little-- Relax. Back the fuck away from the gate. Where you going, Benny? To see my fianc. Fianc. You? ( buzzes ) Where is my Ritalin? Mojo? You're always in my purse. Where's my Ritalin? - What? - Ritalin? What're you on about? I took two. You must've taken the rest. Really? Come on, those things aren't fucking candy. Try to just chill out, okay? I have engineering mid-terms. Big deal. Discuss the elegy in its various forms, and the poet's place in society, through a comparison of Kahlil Gibran, Percy Shelley or John Milton? You fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Oh, fuck. ( gasps ) I can't catch my breath. ( horns honking ) I can't-- No, I can't. I can't breathe. She's having a panic attack. I'm suffocating! Now let me go! ( horns honking ) I can't-- What do we do? What do we do? Get her Xanax. Nathan, grab her Xanax. Call an ambulance. Can an-- I got it. I got it. Please-- Breathe. It's okay. It's okay. Here, here, here. - Has this happened before? - Just relax. There's nothing to see here! You don't have to be embarrassed, Dani. It happens to a lot of people. Listen, I've only be living with you guys for a few weeks, and you all treat me like family, so. Awww, you're welcome, baby. ( laughs ) Hey, Dani, about before. Giving you a bit of space, I had to do it. Why don't I spark you up a little smokey smoke? Shut up, come on. Let's get Dani wasted! Let's race! ( voices echo ) ( loud music, chatter ) ( all cheering ) Whoa! Yeah! Rock the vacuum cleaner! ( overlapping dialogue ) - Go, go, go, go! - Take that shit! Make that bong your bitch, boy! Now, son! Get it! Get it! You wanna do this! You wanna take it to the face! - Fucking bomb of the gods! - Hold it! ( all cheering ) ( all cheer, music blaring ) It's not gonna hurt. Watch. Watch this. It's not gonna hurt, all right? It's liked muted. Ready for all my love, Moose? Always and forever. Hold up! Wait! Nah, go ahead. ( laughter ) Penelope. I've always wanted to fuck a Penelope. Oh, really? We're getting naked, right? A deal's a deal, right? - Yeah. - ( puking ) ALL: Ooooh! Buddy, god. Does anyone know how to maintain their alcohol here? I would rather see my kids die today. Some believing in god than have grow up under communism. You're drooling, bro. No, it's crazy to think that a girl like that would ever wanna miss out on all this here. Whoa, whoa. Don't discredit these guns, man. Come on. Knock that shit off. You gotta visualize it. You gotta see it like it's already happening. ( voice echoes ) ( overlapping dialogue ) That was weak, though. That was weak. ( laughter ) Somebody wants attention. Dani's a hot mess. ( voices echo, bear growls ) Who the fuck is this creeper? ( both laugh ) Looks like Superman discovering heat vision. Dude! Well, turn your crazy ass stare on somebody else. Shit, creeper, what are you on? ( laughter ) Shit, he's busted! He want weed on. - Babe. - Holy fuck. You know what I think he needs? More cowbell. I think he needs more cowbell. - Stranded. - He's stranded! Benny? Stranded. Guys, stop, man. This is my brother, you guys. Party killer's your fucking bro? Stop drawing on his face, dude. It's not cool. Dude, he's tripping balls, man. He's totally high! Oh, fuck! ( all yelling ) - He's family, come on. - Just leave him alone, dude. What're you doing here, man? What's going on? Benny, look at me. What're you doing here? My bride and I must pass together through the western gate. Beyond that is a bridge we must cross. - There are many obstacles... - Stop it. waiting to trick us from getting to the far away place. The creeper dude, he's whacked! He's whacked! Did you drink it again? Benny, look at me. Did you drink it? He's high on Jimsonweed tea, guys. Just leave him alone. - He's fucking whacked. - It's a Chumash thing. - Leave him alone. - I'm going home. Benny, just hang out for a second. Benny. - Great, guys. - Okay, go get him. Does he have any more of that? Benny, come on, wait. Just hang out, okay? You can't go off like this right now. Benny. Okay? We both know it's time. There's nothing left for me here. Benny, come on, man. I mean-- ( music blaring ) Let me get the shit off your face. No. I love you, Nathan. I love you. But all of this-- None of it's real. Okay, Benny. I actually agree with you there. Just come back inside for a second. Look at me. I promise I won't let anybody do anything to you again. Oh! Ooh, yeah. Ha, ha! You're not gonna drive, right? Look at me. You're not gonna drive, right? I'm not gonna drive. Ooh! Yeah. Hey, Mojo. That's the spot right there. How you doing tonight? Oh, um, I'm all right. You've been really good. I got a girlfriend. - Are you sure about that? - Mmm-hmm. It's serious. No, you should get off me now. Go on. Off you go. Yeah, off you go. Couple of months we've been together. She loves me. ( laughs ) Great. How the fuck am I supposed to get home from here? Nathan's brother. Hey, Benny. How 'bout giving a girl a ride home, huh? You don't mind, do you? I'm just over the highway right off Calle Real. ( voice echoes ) I love you. You know who you look like? The lead singer of Weezer. Benny! Benny! Fuck. ( groans ) The hell--? Fuck. ( moaning, sobbing ) ( exhales ) Oh, my God. Are you okay? Please. Please. I'm so cold. I have to go to the bathroom. How long have you been here? You don't remember? I did this to you? - Oh-- - Please let me go. You-- you were so high. It's not your fault, okay? You didn't mean to do this. Please, just-- My arms are sore. Please. Oh, thank you. Thank you. I promise I won't tell anybody. What-- why are you stopping? Why are you stop-- I swear to god, I won't tell a soul. - Do you really? - Yes. I don't want any trouble. I'm so sorry. Ah-- This is all a big mistake. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt anybody, and-- It stays between you and me. Okay? I won't tell anybody. You're a good guy. You are. I know that. - Yeah. - You didn't mean it. Just-- Pl-- please let me go. Please. You-- please. Please. Please, let me go. I won't tell anybody. ( voices fade ) Oh. I love you. You're perfect. You starting to feel good, baby? Uh-huh. - Oh, yeah. - You're such a sweet guy. I meet so many rude and gross guys on here and I have to cut them off but not you. I love it when you're online. I can be myself with you. You know, it's odd, but, I kinda like that I can't see you. Makes me leave it all up to my imagination. Turn around. I want to see your doggie. You just want to see my dolphin. Yeah, that's right. I think about getting more work done on it. What do you think? ( retching ) Dani! Aw, are you okay? - ( sobbing ) - Here. I'm sorry. You don't have to be sorry. Let's just get back to bed, huh? All right, let's go, people! Rise and shine! Yo, it's a beautiful day! Get up! Got one life to live, everybody! Whoa-kay! Hey! Does nobody knock in this country? Working the morning bone, huh? That your webcam princess? She's cute! Mojo, I'm thinking. We should find you a real girl. Are you, um-- you seriously still standing there, huh? You wanna get the fuck out maybe? Are you crying? Fuck off, all right? Fuck off! ( heavy metal blaring ) ( horns honking ) ( horns continue honking ) ( loud scream ) That feels nice. Don't stop. My mom used to do that when I was little. Before she and my dad started telling me I'm such a big disappointment. Guess I proved them right, huh? No. So listen, uh, I just wanted to tell you, Dani rages hard. Too fun, too fast. I know you like her and all, I'm just-- I just don't know if that's the best fit. You-- you think she would've stopped. You know, after the accident? I mean-- People died. Yeah. MOOSE: When are we going? Let's go already. What the fuck was up with your creeper brother last night? "My bride and I must pass together through the western gate." Who would, like anybody, get within 50 feet of that-- Okay, all right, guys. Benny is a good guy. He really is. And he's really smart. He used to be a Wall Street trader. Just snapped under the pressure one day, and-- Snapped is right. Walks into the office naked with feathers and face paint, and they fired him. - ( laughter ) - Wow. Then he invents this story about a fianc and how she left him. I asked him, I was like, what fianc? And he looked at me like I was crazy. He's just-- he's never recovered from that. I'm really afraid he might kill himself. Now I'm doomed. My whole life is forfeited. And I can't let you go now. If I do, you'll certainly go to the police. Please. You look Native American Indian. Do you-- are you by chance? Here. That feel better? My father closed this rose ranch years ago. We're the only ones here. Except Delgado, but he won't bother us. He ran a hardware store. I took him in after he lost his wife and kid a year ago. Now he's just a mess. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You are so beautiful. You will find me to be a very loving and caring husband. ( rattling ) ( hears faint music ) Shhh, shhh! The cops are out there! Quit being a drama queen. Come on, come on. Just-- just sit still. Just sit still. Read some Charlie Brown. Shh! Shh! Fuck! Shit! Fuck! No, they're not. Calm down! Don't tell me to calm down! You don't hear 'em? Come on, I fucking hear them. - They're out there. - Stop listening to your brain! It's Radio K-fuck! You dust buzzard! You know where your own best thinking gets you? I fucking hear them, Poncho! Stay out of your head. Listen to me. I ride shotgun, I got your back. Nothing good ever comes from between your ears. Stop smoking gak and get to work. Put the gun down, there's no cops. Everything's okay. You'll be fine! ( knocking ) How long you been out here, huh? Hey, don't point that at me, Delgado. And quit cooking without a Hazmat suit. Gets in your pores. Christ, Benny, how many times I tell you don't come up here, I don't want you coming up here! Wanna lose your leg? The hell is that? Is that a bear trap? Now that I see you could booby trap the place, no, no way! I don't like people sneaking up on me, Benny. I'm moving on. You can have the ranch to yourself. At least until my dad figures out I'm gone. When are you coming back? I'm not. Hey, hey, that's bullshit, man. Huh? I ain't finished my cook yet! You think I want a bunch of people sneaking up here asking for your sorry ass? No. You are staying, pal! You really want to take this dance with me? Into the tunnel of light. You are one creepy motherfucker, Benny. This one's got a death wish or something. BENNY: Grandmother Momoy, make this brew strong enough to take my bride and I to the far away place. Forever. ( rock music blaring ) ( horns honking ) I haven't even asked my brother if it's cool yet. Come on, Benny will be fine when he sees who the naughty professor brought. ( loud clanging ) Oh, Grandmother Momoy. Let me behold your magic light as the sun fades in to beyond on this final day and night. Final day and night. Penelope, we try our hardest, but life, it breaks us down. I brought you something I made especially for our wedding. These are Olivella shell beads. Today is the beginning of the acorn festival. Chumash. We'll all be celebrating when we get to the far away place. ( horns honking ) All right! Okay! Ah. I'm so-- I'm so thirsty, Benny. Shhh. I brought you something very special to drink. No-- no. I gotta go to the bathroom. Please, I don't wanna go on myself. I'm going to make all your suffering go away. No more pain, no more fear. We'll be done with all of that forever. ( all yelling, cheering ) What are you talking about? What's happening? I'm not-- I don't want to go anywhere with you. I don't wanna go anywhere with you. Hey! ( laughter ) Loser! - ...pain go away. - Stop it! Stop it. Please drink it. I can't waste anymore. ( horns honking ) ( groans ) No! No! Fuck you! Wolfman it, eat the bullet! Help! Help! Help! ( horns honking ) Guys! Guys, no open containers. I'm still on probation. Shit. Hart! I'm sorry, it all happened so fast. Wait! Help! Help! - Hey, big man. - Yo. Do up these windows, man. Let's hot box this motherfucker right now. Help! Help! Help! Help! Wait! Help! - Yeah. - Whoa. Uh-uh. What? Did I not just stay up all night writing your fucking paper? Seriously? He gets caught with this shit in his piss, he could fucking lose his scholarship. Help! Wait! ( yells ) No! Penelope. No, no, don't leave me. No, don't go without me! Don't leave me alone! This wasn't the way it's supposed to happen! No! ( sobbing ) Magoo, move the fuck out the way! Way too sick, Nathan! Oh, my God. This is awesome. - Right. - Unreal. ( all talking at once ) - Wow, this is amazing. - So beautiful. This is not bad. Look at this place. Hey, Nathan. Is that where they found everything? Yeah, it's a Chumash burial site. My grandfather, he made the bulldozer stop. Told everybody to just leave it alone. That fresh hut, me and my brother built it. I thought maybe we'd have the ceremony over there tonight. Nice. This place is incredible. There's a lot of history here. So that's where they're buried? Uh, Nathan, you don't mind that I brought my roommates too? - Hi, I'm Roxanne. - Look at him. - Hi, I'm Carly. - Hi. Nathan doesn't mind at all. Yeah, no. Okay, guys, listen up. Listen up! No beer spills, no bong water, no sex stains-- ( all talking at once ) No, no. Moose! No, no, no. My bedroom, guys. This is my bed. Guys, seriously. Out, man, this is not happening in my bedroom. - Get out! - You-- you get out! Come on, baby, come on. Are you gonna come in, or you gonna go out? Bye. ( giggles ) I am not playing around! - Oh, great. - Get out! How the hell do you already have your shirt off, really? Is this your bedroom, Nathan? Who's gonna share with you? Oh, Nathan likes the Indian girl. You probably want her to share with you, right? Good luck with that, buddy. The hell, Nathan. This is not okay. You can not just show up like this. I'm here for a class project, and I have just as much right to be here as you do. That's not true, Nathan. I have Father's permission. You can't have strangers over here. And he's entrusted me with overseeing this place. Besides, I'm dealing with some really heavy shit right now! Why are you freaking out so much? Why is your hair all wet? You been crying, Benny? You need to go, Nathan. Is that blood on your shoes? Yeah, it was a raccoon. They're pests, okay? Just pack up your college friends and get out of here before I have to-- ( chimes ring ) That's Dani. Hi. Olivella shell beads. Chumash. You're Chumash. My father's a direct descendant. His ancestors were Santa Rose Islanders. My mother's British. Were they part of the 1824 revolt against those missionaries and those fucking Conquistadors? You know Chumash women had to practice abortion because of what those Spanish bastards did to them. Have you relearned your language? Why are you looking at me like that? Dude. Calm down, calm down. It's just a bunch of fucking kids. Just think about something else. Uh, Charlie Brown, yeah. It's just that a guy trapped in his own insecurities. Failed homosexuality. He's a loveable loser with aimless determination and hope. If it had been me, I certainly would've fucked Lucy. I guess Charlie was too busy sucking Linus' dick, huh? You really think it's a good idea to fuck your therapist? You see this? What is this? PONCHO: Probably a raccoon. Then where's the fucking raccoon, huh? Raccoons don't bury their own dead. Does this look like it came from a raccoon? ( background chatter ) BENNY: She's perfect. Careful, babe. Aw, shit. I forgot my book. I'll be back. - Okay. - Coming through, professor! DELGADO: Smash it, bash it, roll it on the floor. Wrap it around the bedpost, roll it in the door. Excuse me, that's my car you're leaning on. Who are you? I'm here with my students. Students? Yeah, we're on a field trip. Do you mind? Field trip? Hey, man. That's my book. You took my book out of the car? What kind of field trip? Look, man, can I just get my book back? Ain't gonna do you any good. Those kids, they look at books, they don't give a fuck about anything. That's private property. ( alarm chirps ) Stop listening to your head. Go back and cook the gak! Leave them alone! Hey, boys. We're going in au naturale. Tonight's gonna be legendary. Go long! ( yells ) Hey, studly, get in the water, you motherfucker! ( laughs ) Get in here. Rough night? Little bit. Your ancestors played grab ass in this very same surf. ( all yelling and screaming ) MOJO: (VO) You're amazing. Turn around. I wanna see your doggie. I think about getting more work done on my dolphin. What do you think? ( overlapping dialogue ) Whoo! Hey, you okay? I thought you were gonna have more work done on your dolphin. Am I anything like you imagined me? Sandee? Mojo. No shit. Wait, this is your fucking webcam porno princess? What's he talking about, Tami? I'm an idiot. What is it you exactly do on the Internet? Chill out. It's no big deal. We're paying our way through school. Sure beats working at the Starbucks. Wait, you guys are doing porn out of our room? Not on my bed, right? I keep my bible underneath that pillow. So wait a minute, you're streaming live Internet porn to the Delta Gamma house? Sandee, I shouldn't have said anything. I-- Sandee? That your porn name? It's not actual sex. We do it into our laptops. It's not a big deal. And you're the little pervert that's jerking to these girls? - Hey. - There's no need-- Leave Mojo alone. Nobody came to Mojo catch it for stroking to the sluts-her-name and the Delta Gamma whore-pedoes over here. Eat my pussy, you midget twink with chunky ankles. What the fuck is a twink? You stupid, hooker, Barbie sorority skanks. You're fucking dumb! I'm done. This is so stupid. - Be nice, all right? - Fuck that! So what's next, Sandee? Do some lap dancing at the Spearmint Rhino? Put up some escort ads on craigslist? I'm not fucking spending the weekend with these stupid whores. Guys, just come on. Stop. What would Jesus do? Jesus wouldn't have you biting each other's titties in the ocean over there. So you can sleep with your students, but yet, you condemn me. You're of age, okay? Socrates slept with his students. - Oh, Jesus. - 'Cept they were all boys. Stop fucking looking at my man's penis then. Yeah, who gives a fuck if I'm creating a porn empire? Okay, I'm kicking ass in business and marketing. Yeah, whore! And the last time that I checked, you couldn't even treat me to a day of Bacara on your salary. Qu pasa! Pretty great, huh? Fucking Christ, I'm out of here. Could you please not use the lord's name in vain? SQUIRREL: Come on, bitch! She's going to hell. I gotta deal with this? - This is cool. - What's going on? NATHAN: Guys, we can-- Squirrel, come back! Who brought these stupid skanks? Walk your fat ass out of here! Squirrel? I'm not mad about my bed! Hurry up! Moose! I'm fucking trying. NATHAN: If you come back, I'll let you use the bed again! Hey! Hey! What're you doing behind there? Why are you lurking behind the bushes? Hey! Wait! What're you, retarded? I'm talking to you! Don't you fucking walk away from me! Hey! Hey! I know you. I fucking know you! You're the creeper from the party, aren't you? Are you spying on us? Spying on us down there? This is-- Nathan is my brother. This is my property! You're the weirdo who lives in the bungalow. I heard about you and your imaginary fiancs. Mmm-hmm. - What did you just say? - You heard me, weirdo! Were you spying on those sorority skanks down there? Pervy Man looking for a new bride, huh? I-- I was watching birds. Like fucking hell you were. Just cop to your pervy ass shit. Were you peeving on the guys? - Yo-- - Oh, shit. You're a fucking queer-puff, aren't you? You're a fucking queer. You like to fucking touch yourself and look at little boys, fucking down low-- - You be quiet! - Hey, asshole! That's my girl you're talking to. Babe! Babe! It's the fucking creeper from the party, dude! I caught him with his hands in his pants! I did not have my hands in my pants, I was bird watching! - Like hell you were-- - Bird watching, you liar! Shut up. Shut up. Don't you do it. No, no, you know what will happen? Oh, no. We don't need trouble! Poncho tell you! You go back to cook! You know what happen! You listen to Poncho. Shut the fuck up. Listen to Poncho! Listen! - Shhh. - Leave these kids alone! - Don't be a fool. - Shut up. Shut up. - Shut up. - I love you. You're my friend. Hey, dickless, my boyfriend's gonna fuck you up! Get him, babe. Get-- Who the fuck is that? Is that your gay uncle over there? No, no, no, no. Go away. No, no, Delgado. They're not real! MOOSE: Fuck! They look pretty real to me, Benny. Let me guess, huh? Uncle Delgado pitches and you catch, huh? Right? You fucking used to touch him when you were little, right? You fucking turned him, didn't you? This family's fucked, babe! You better shut that cunt up, or I'm gonna fuck start her head. What the fuck did you just say to me? Hold your fucking mouth. What the fuck did you just say to me? - Babe, babe-- - Get his ass! Please, don't-- don't do anything! ( all yelling ) - Settle down! Fuck! - You fucking queer pup! She's got a big mouth, but she's not fucking kidding. He's gonna fuck you in the ass and he's not even gay-- ( all yelling ) The fuck you do to my face! Motherfucker! No, no, stop, stop! Fucking freak! ( groaning, yelling ) Fucking asshole! ( yells, groans ) Fucking creep! - Moose? - Yeah, baby? Baby! Baby, you look awful! You okay? SQUIRREL: Fuck! Wake up! The fuck are you on, dude? Moose, my god, wake up! Great. What're you gonna do? Shoot us? Great idea, fucktard! There's eight more of us coming up the path! That really just happened? What're we going to do now? Everybody's just pissed off. Dani, you all right? ( engine starts, tires screech ) I can't believe her mouth. Damn, Moose and Squirrel booking out. Moose! Hey! Everything happens for a reason, okay? Can we just go back to having fun? Yeah, that depends on Nathan's Internet connection. All right, Doug. Enough, okay? If you keep this up, I'm leaving. Then leave. I actually had feelings for you, Tami. You never told me about any of this shit. Okay. Whoa. They're dead. I'm gonna go clean up my cook and we get the fuck out of here. No. Suit yourself. I've got a wedding to prepare. ( soft music plays ) You okay? Yeah, I'm okay. HART: What a slut. ( soft background chatter ) I do remember the first time I noticed that I had leg hair. ( keys rattling ) Take me for a ride. I'm just leaving. Where are we going? What would Tami or Sandee say about that? She's just my roommate. She's not really my friend. Oh, really? Not friends? You ever been with a redhead before? - No, I haven't. - Professor! You're not leaving, are you? I actually was leaving, yeah. Come on, it's not even dark yet and everybody's leaving. Oh, wow. This is priceless. You are Professor fucking Nash. You're not gonna leave 'cause of my stoner friend. That's not why, man. Look, hang out. Come on, Professor. It'd sure mean a lot to me if you stay. You see that face? Come on, Professor. All right, let's do this ceremony. I'll find you later. ( whirring ) All right, let's do it. Ready? Go. Go talk to her. I'm gonna. Take her for a walk. ( phone rings out ) You know, it's sunset. Girls eat that shit up. ( phone ringing ) Damn. I got voicemail again. Fuck me. I gotta tear all this shit down. Get out while you can. Come on. Come on, D. We can talk when you take it all down. Play it smart. Hey, don't you agree? "Snoopy Come Home" lacks the clarity and focus that made "A Boy Named Charlie Brown" so endearing? Oh, no. No, no. Stop looking at us. Don't-- don't go there. Tears us down, rip us up. It does you no good. - Let it go! - Shut up. Shut up! I don't want to hear you anymore! You understand? I don't wanna hear anything. Don't wanna feel nothing! Nothing! PONCHO: Don't go there. It's bad juju! I'm gonna kill every last one of those college motherfuckers. ( pop music plays ) ( background chatter ) Hey, party Hart-y, what's your magic number? What're you going on about? What's your magic number, huh? DANI: Oh, you wanna play that game? HART: You want to? I want tequila. Sure you wanna get into that so soon? If you're not wasted, the day is. Well there's a look into the future waiting to happen. Well, my magic number is zero. I'm still a virgin and I'm proud of it. I could fix that. You and your technical virgin thing is such shit. Fingers and tongues count. They so do not count, okay? ROXANNE: Do you count anal? How about anything under six inches? You got a ticket last weekend for giving road head. So you can't even start judging me. - It was awesome. - Hey, enough. She's a virgin. Respect your friend. Thank you. ( mumbling ) ( grunts ) Look what I got. Should we fill up and start the ceremony, or what? Nathan, that Jimsonweed? Yeah. We're gonna do this right, aren't we? HART: Yup, game time. I even have a real ceremonial Chumash bowl we dug up right here. Not on my watch, man. I can't let my students drink Jimsonweed. I'm sorry, man. Nathan, I've known kids who O.D.'d and died on that shit. It's toxic. Look, there's no way to figure out what's a fatal dose or what's survival. - I know what I'm doing. - Too risky, man. What if we just take a little bit? Why don't we just go with what we know, all right? I got a few of these bad boys here. We go up to that brush hut, we clambake-- We gotta have the tea! This is the whole problem with our society. We've done away with all ritual, with all ceremony. We just do whatever we want now. On our own, whenever. Do you even know what that stuff can do? The Chumash stopped using Jimsonweed because it kills. Fucking technology! Motherfuckers. There you are, Steve Jobs! You're not talking to anybody, kids. Nobody! You know what, hey. The ceremony, it's still important. There must be some herbal tea up there. Let's make the best of what we got. We're here. I'm sorry, man. Fuck it. Fuck it. ( grunting ) Oh, god. The girl. The girl, the girl, the girl! Where's the girl? ( loud scream ) Whoa, fucking skunk, man! That stinks! Oh, my God, you stink. It's not funny, you stoner a-hole! Come on, come on. We'll get you cleaned up. The skunk was at my feet! The thing totally got me! - I effing hate this place! - We'll clean you up. I feel so disgusting. I'm gonna smell like this forever, I swear. It comes off. I smell terrible! I smell absolutely dreadful. This is the worst smell ev-- Oh, my God, it's disgusting! Need any help? ( muffled arguing ) Use some of that antibacterial soap under the sink if you need it. Smell like this forever! I should've stayed home! I knew it! I shouldn't have come here! I don't even know why! I smell so-- ( sobbing ) My mom won't let me in the house smelling like this! Why'd god make skunks? I don't like skunks, I'm sorry. But, Jesus, why did you make skunks? They smell so bad! Carly? The tea's ready. NATHAN: You almost done? Carly, you all right? ( inaudible dialogue ) -- in there too, it helps to get it off. You almost done? Okay, well, I'll just meet you back out there, okay? I'm gonna go! This is sage. They use the smoke to purify each other. Pure is boring. All set. How's Carly doing? I think she's a little pissed off. My gosh, my hair still reeks. My god! My god! ( screaming ) ( screams ) Oh, my god! Go away! ( screaming ) ( loud thump ) I think I did that with my mind. The spirit of Grandmother Momoy awaits. Professor, you're the elder. The elder. ( laughs ) Ah, Jesus, Nathan. What kind of tea is this? Just tea. Just tea, guys. I swear. ( coughs ) It's bitter. ROXANNE: What is that? We were out of herbal tea, so it's Lipton's. Need a refill on that. - ( clattering ) - Oh, god damn it, Mojo! So sorry, mate. I didn't see. Great, no I have to go brew a whole other pot! No, don't go make another pot. It's all right, just get the old tequila worm up your bum, everyone's as high as a kite. Mescal has the worm, not tequila you dumb ass. It's very funny, all right? Nathan, it's all right. Don't worry about it. You can use the tequila. Good substitute. Shaman don't drink tequila. They do tonight. Easy there, killer. Come on. I beamed it out there and boom! She just hit the glass. Only thing you're doing is fucking up! Shit, Mr.-- ( laughs ) ( echoing ) Professor, you-- Jesus. Look at him. Look at the state of him. He's fucking mashed. You're high as a kite, Professor! Here, Roxi, you have it. She's fucking mashed too! Look at her! What the fuck are you two smoking? MOJO: Way-ba-we-bah-wee-wah! ( muffled screaming, grunting ) Oh! Come on! ( grunting ) You're my buddy, Nathan. You are. Guess all this worked out pretty well, huh? Yeah. Too bad Moose and Squirrel took off. Yeah, their loss. Think I should go for it? - Hey. - Hey. ( screaming, grunting ) Come on! Come on! ( screaming ) Die already, bitch! ( door opens ) Die already, bitch! Hey! What're you doing? What're you doing? ( groans ) At least you tried to stop me, huh, Benny? You and your fucking death wish! No, no, no, no. Take a look! Take a look! Look at her fucking face! Ah, she's done! Yeah, come on, die. Die! Die! All right, she's done! Stop! No! ( gasps ) Oh, you didn't have to do that! Okay, now for the rest of them! ( gasps ) MOJO: Nice night for a walk. ( echoing ) - You wanna go for a walk? - Yeah, let's go. Let's go. - ( Tami makes eerie noises ) - It's lighter that way. Yeah, it's dark. Where you going, pal? Okay. ( tribal chanting ) Ah! Whiny little bitch! He's my brother! And not the Chumash girl! Did you say Chumash girl? Dani. She's my fianc. Dani. Chumash Dani. From the fucking university? That bitch who killed my wife and son? I don't know anything about that. - Fear not. - ( laughter ) Oh shit! That was great. Yeah, did you think it was the were-bear? It is her. No, no, don't. ( loud whack ) PONCHO: You promised me you wouldn't go after her. You promised not to revenge me! I didn't go after anybody, Poncho. That bitch came to me. It was a were-bear. You started it. ( exhales ) ( tribal chanting ) Are you okay? ( screams ) ( gasping, sobbing ) ( yelling, gagging ) ( screams ) No! ( screams ) - The fuck is going on? - Are you okay? ( sobbing ) Nathan, you stupid ass. You gave them Jimsonweed? No, no, I didn't. I gave them tea. - It was regular tea. - Stop lying! - Look at them. They're-- - Roxi, are you okay? They're all geeked up on Jimsonweed! It was tea, guys! I swear! I wouldn't do that! HART: The only ones that had it. DANI: We have to get them to a hospital now! - Roxanne, you're okay. - I swear to God. You're okay. Come on. Okay. Come on, get up. You got it. You're okay. - ( sobbing ) - There you go. Come on. Where's Nash? - Guys, where's Nash? - Stop it! - Nash! - Professor! Professor! ( hears shouting ) ( tribal chanting ) Oooooh. Ooooooh, wait, wait, wait. Tami, hey, um. I don't want to lie to you. I'm shitting here. Please don't laugh at me. I just don't-- Come on, Mojo. We have to go in. - It's scary. - Yeah. Maybe I'll get lucky. All right. Just for a little bit. Let's get her inside. We'll go back for Nash. ( chatter ) Look at me. Look at me. There you go. You're going to be okay. Get the phone. Hey. Who the hell took the phone? Oh, crap. I always keep my iPhone right here. And my keys. Who the hell took my keys? Oh, my God. Carly. Carly! Guys! Guys, get in here! Carly? Carly. Oh, she hit her head. Hart! She okay? Shit. - There. This. - Oh, shit. Who did this to her? Oh, my God. Is she breathing, Hart? No. I don't kno-- I don't know all these people! DANI: Did you give her the tea? No, I told you I wouldn't do that! You guys, I can't find a pulse. Call an ambulance. Do it now. Okay. ( grunting ) Get these bugs off of me! Get these bugs off of me! - Nobody's got a damn phone? - Dump out all the packs! My cell's in the front pocket of my book bag! Get it! Got it! Get these bugs off of me! NATHAN: Here. I can't find anything. Get these bugs off of me! Where is it? Hart? It's not in here, man. It's not in here. There's no phones. Where are all the phones? - Somebody must've taken them. - Who would do that? Do you see any god damn phones? Off of me! Get them off of me! DANI: There's nothing on you! Get them off of me! Roxanne. Take her in the bathroom and make her puke! How am I supposed to do that? Stick you fingers down her throat! Are you fucking kidding me? ( all arguing ) I can't get Carly to breathe. Come help me get her up. - I got her. - Help me get her up. I'm taking these two straight to emergency. Grab Roxanne. Do you get it? There's no phones and no car keys! Somebody took all of them! - It's okay. No, there's noth-- - Get them off of me! I'm sorry. This is a really stupid idea. Proper explorers. A fucking London dungeon, isn't it? ( raccoon growls ) - What's that? Shit. - ( laughs ) It was small. No, it wasn't. Look at the fucking size of it. - You're such a baby. - It was fucking massive. Gimmie the light, I will show you. - It's mine. - Give it to me, I-- ( laughs ) You know, I-- It's kind of embarrassing. What? I've never been in a real relationship. ( gunshot, screaming ) Open your mouth, Roxanne. Come on, open it up. Here you go. Drink it. Drink it. There we go. Let's get it up. Good, good, get it all out. Is this your brother's sick idea of a joke? I don't know who's doing this. Keep drinking, there you go. Oh, Jesus. Just get a little in the toilet? I'm going for help. Keep flushing out her system with fresh water. Don't you dare leave us. Just stay put. Do not leave this cottage no matter what. I'm coming back with help. Okay? I promise. Fuck! She's seizing. Come on, Roxi. Come on. Roxanne, it's okay. ( sound muffled ) It's okay. ( gasping ) Gotta get me-- I'm suffocating. Dani, no. Stay with me, Dani. Dani, it's all in your head. You're having a panic attack. Please, Dani, I need you. I need you here right now. ( hyperventilating ) It's all in your head, okay? Just breathe. I need you, Dani. ( gasping ) - Please. Help me. - It's okay, it's okay. It's all in your head, okay, Dani? You're having a panic attack. Dani, it's all in your head. ( gasping ) It's okay, it's okay. You can breathe. Okay? You're fine. I need you right now. I need you with me right now, okay? Okay. Just breathe, breathe. - It's all in your head. - Okay. Okay. Okay, okay. MOJO: This way. That's Moose's car. Moose's car. ( shotgun cocks ) ( muffled gasp ) Oh, my God. Oh, my God. MOJO: Shhh. The fuck's going on? ( muffled ) Oh, my God. ( screams ) Go! Shhh, shhh. Okay, okay. - Okay. - Okay. ( knocking ) You're fine now, okay? It's all right. Is that someone knocking? ( knocking ) Oh, my God! Squirrel! Help me! Help me, help me get her up! - Okay, okay. - ( yells ) Come on. It's okay. It's okay. What happened? What happened? Squirrel? Oh, fuck. What happened? Where's Moose? Who did this to you? Creeper. ( crash ) I fucking see you! Benny! Benny was standing right there. - You sure? - Yeah, he went that way. He's going in the kitchen! Come on! - Let me in, Nathan. - Like hell! What happened to Squirrel? Tell me what happened to Squirrel! Nothing. Don't worry about that. Come on. This is very important. You're in danger! Lock the door! Do not let him in! I won't. - Where is he? - Front door! Front door! Come on, Nathan! Let me in! - I gotta take Dani home! - Calm down, Benny! - Get lost you freak! - Patio! Patio! Ow! Come on, come on. Get up, get up. Get up. I'm okay. Come on, man! We don't have time to discuss this! I am dealing with an extremely complex situation! That fucking Jimsonweed, Benny! You're fucking high again! Who took care of you when Mom ran off, huh? How many times did I protect you from Father? Who's protecting you right now? This what you call protecting me? You chill the fuck out, man! Benny, don't you do it! - Benny! - ( screams ) Nathan! Nathan, come here! Come on! Come on, man! Come on! Benny, calm down! Come on, Nathan! ( both panting ) - ( screams ) - Shhh, shhh. - Shh, shhh. - ( muffled gasping ) ( screams ) Mojo-- Mojo, you have to go. No, no, go! ( coughing, gasping ) You ain't that Chumash bitch. ( gasping ) Come on, Nathan! Come on, man! Benny, shut the fuck up! Open up! Dani! Dani! We have to get you ready for the ceremony before Delgado comes, come on! Need to go get that shit out of your system, Benny! Come on, man! Come on! Come on! It's okay. It's gonna be okay. - Oh, god. - Its' gonna be okay, all right? SQUIRREL: You dickless creeper. So help me, god, I'm gonna fuck you up. You like to ass fuck, perv? Gonna strap on a 12-inch crinkly dick, and I'm gonna plow you raw, you fucking asswipe. Gonna rip you apart. - Ow! - Like that? Ow! ( groaning ) - ( loud bang ) - ( screams ) Benny! - Give her to me! - Calm the fuck down, Benny! Go out the window. I need her! All right, just run. - ( screams ) - Dani! Dani! Dani! Benny! you son of a bitch! I'll fucking kill you! Shh, Dani. No, stay with me. Stay with me. God, look at you. You're so perfect. Take your tea. Go on. Drink it down so we can be together forever. Dani, Dani, you'll find me to be a very loving and caring husband. ( tribal chanting ) Nathan! ( loud snap, yells ) ( yelling ) ( tribal chanting ) ( growls ) Benny! "Tonight, I take a wife. We will lose ourselves together on the trail in the far away place." Son of a bitch, Benny! ( loud grunting ) Where would you do it? Where would you go? It's a place-- It's someplace private. ( tribal language spoken ) The cooler. ( loud grunting ) Hey! All right, college boy! What the fuck? I live here! What do you want from me! What's your major at the university of casual sex and beer, college boy? How many bong hits can you huff? You and that Chumash bitch are disease-ridden vermin! Hey, look. You tell me where she is, and I'll let you leave, huh? Everyone's here for the ceremony. ( tribal voices echo ) And so you will be joined in the forever. ( yelling ) ( yells ) She blew a 2.3, walked away without a scratch. How many fucking Jell-O shots does it take to blow a 2.3, huh? Bitch was going the wrong way on the 101. Shit! Shit! Huh? Where is she? DELGADO: Tell me! Tell me where she is! Come on! Delgado! That where you're keeping her? Come on! Come on, Nathan. Get up. Go. I am so sick of you getting your freak on, Benny! ( groans ) Oh, God. Hey! What the fuck are you? Fucked up as usual. - Fucking bitch. - She's my wife. I love you, Benny. You saved me. And we'll be together forever. Forever and ever and ever. ( weakly ) I'm so happy. Happy. You must wait. This trail is not meant for those who stand in their shadow. Please. Please don't leave me alone. I-- I don't want to be alone. Please, I-- don't leave me alone. ( echoes ) I don't want to be alone. Please. Don't leave me alone. I don't want to be alone. ( wheezes ) You finally got your wish. Hart. Hart. Man, I'm-- Kill that motherfucker. Adios, sweetheart. ( gunshot ) ( both grunting ) Son of a bitch! ( yells ) Son of a bitch! ( whimpers ) Ben-- - Dani. Dani? - ( gasps ) ( horns honk, tires screech ) Dani, wake up. Dani, wake up! ( gasping ) We're gonna get you help. Come on, stay with me, Dani. Stay with me. - Dani! - ( gasping ) - Dani! Dani! - There's too many cars! Too many cars! It's not real, okay? You're hallucinating. Stop it! Stop it! Dani, this is not real! Dani, Dani, look at me! - Look at me. - Too many cars! Stop it! No! ( tires screech, horns honk ) They're on me! Please, make them stop! Get back! ( horns honk ) Get away from me! Okay, okay. You can't help me. No one can help me now. Give me the gun. Get away! Get away from me! I want you to put the gun down now, okay? This isn't you. This is me! I'm a killer! Now calm down. You're gonna hand me the gun now. I killed them, Nathan. I murdered them. ( loud crash ) That was an accident. Dani. I don't wanna be here anymore. Put the gun down right now, okay? I don't wanna be here anymore. I'm gonna take that gun away from you right now. - I don't wanna be here-- - Everything's good. I don't want this anymore. I know. I don't want this anymore. I'm right here with you, okay? I don't want this anymore. I know. - ( sobbing ) - It's okay. It's okay, okay? Gonna get you well, okay? Okay? I got you. - I'm sorry. - I got you. - That was an accident. - I'm sorry. - ( sobbing ) - I got you, okay? NATHAN: Open your eyes, Dani. That's good. You're gonna be okay, all right? Everything's gonna be okay. We got her back! Let's get her out of here now! Everything's gonna be fine. Stay with me. You did good, Nathan. Look at me. You did good. You know that thing you wanted? Rites of passage? You have it now. All right, guys. We gotta load and go. PONCHO: Get up, you idiot! Rise and shine! [heavy metal music] Closed Captions provided by Digital Post Services