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Love is problematic to define these days. A single word has been stretched through the ages to encompass many things that are not love. We have come to know love as a feeling, as many feelings. Feelings of acceptance, belonging, desire, companionship, friendship, trust, fulfilment, lust. Many of these feelings are about the Self, the Ego. In it’s most basic human habit, pursuit of love is an egocentric, the language of love is a lazy lens through which we seek meaning. We hope to satisfy our inner turmoil through external means. As if love applied externally, from outside of us, will heal our wounds and complete our emptiness.

We relinquish our creative power, becoming obsessed with doing what is right. In our desire to be perfect we neglect our greatest purpose in the Universe. There is no hero in fairytale or real life that does not bear some shadow or flaw. We are unconvincing humans without them. Whatever good you can and will accomplish in your life, will occur in the company of your demons too. Your greatest task is to be your true self.

She gives me strength, when I see her perservere. When I know my words lift her up, my spirit is also lifted. I want to say to her, ‘Daughter.. when you lift your eyes, my eyes are lifted to the horizon’. When you steady your heart against the tide, my heart is steadied.. because we share a name. That name is Courage. Sometimes I remind her, sometimes she reminds me. We are bonded in that, my girl and I.

People seem to keep blaming men for the state of things. But some of the most emotionally aware and grounded people I know are men. They are teachers, artists, scientists, single, married, fathers, gay, straight. So it’s not ok for our culture to perpetuate the stereotype of the emotionally unengaged and purely sexually motivated man.

we find our way into those relationships through complex webs. More often than not, people enter into any sexual relationship with stories of past experiences or expectations that need to be given voice. We should talk more about how to have good sex and less about when to have sex.

A friend of mine once said the only thing that prevents a man from getting laid is the woman before him. I laughed at the time, because I thought to myself it was true! I was sitting in front of him, laughing at his jokes and enjoying his intelligent banter. I was wearing phenomenally great underwear, beautiful perfume and everything that ought to have been waxed, tidied, buffed and moisturized had been. It was a collision amongst the stars – almost.

Then, perhaps the sweetest gift I’ve had to date, he took me by the hand and assured me, it was nearly impossible for things not to rise in the presence of such a vital, living, passionate and inspiring creature as I was. To this day, he remains the only man to tell me so – that I am beautiful for more than my philosophy.

Sex is one of the important ways we prove we are not alone. In our most vulnerable state, we share ourselves with another person and we are not alone. The more often we have sex, the more opportunity we have to be closer to our partner. We become less alone.

Most of us only have one, maybe two fight modes. If those fight modes are not constructive, then conflict is likely to be unhealthy, rather than something we can work through to achieve greater understanding, harmony and intimacy. If you can learn to evolve your fight modes over time, you can become a better communicator through conflict. You can grow from it. If you get stuck in an unconstructive fight mode, you might well be doing damage unwittingly.

When I let that uncertain, insecure woman come back, I am adrift in unsteady reflections – looking to the faces of others to see myself, instead of the mirror within. I like the woman I see in that internal mirror, I know her well by now. She is a dear and mysterious friend, a warm lover and a fiery ally. She is certain, she is steadfast, she knows herself. She is giving, passionate, soulful. I want her to be known.