Michigan State UniversityMichigan State UniversityCloseMenu buttonMenu and Search buttonOpenCloseNewsVideoEventsresourcesnewsletterExpertsProgramsYouTubeFacebookTwitterGoogle PlusAsk an ExpertSee how spartans make a difference in Michigan. MI Spartan Impact

Actively involved dads positively impact their children

Dads who are actively involved in the lives of their children have a tremendously positive impact on them.

Traditionally, dads have been viewed as the
bread winners and disciplinarians. The good news is that today’s dads are more
involved than ever in many aspects of raising children, from helping with the
basic caregiving to being stay-at-home dads. The bad news is that there are
approximately 24 million children in the United States who are living apart
from their dads. Being involved is more than just being there physically – quality
is always better than quantity, whether you are close or far.

Children benefit from having involved dads.
These children have:

Fewer problem behaviors in childhood and
adolescence

Better skills at problem solving and
handling frustrations

More social skills and better relationships
with others

A better sense of humor

More of an eagerness to explore and learn

Better attention spans and academic
achievement

Less involvement with the law as teens

Better mental health as adults

Better jobs and careers as adults

Dads do face some barriers to being
involved with their children. Men may have less experience with children, so
they may shy away from being more involved. Men may feel they should just know
how to be a dad, so they may not ask for or seek help. Caretaking patterns are
set early; often the more mom does, the less dad does. The challenges of
running single parent homes and the demands of work make it hard to coordinate
time to spend with children.

The most important thing for dads to
remember is that your children need a father who will be there for them
emotionally. This includes noticing the emotions your children are experiencing
and seeing those moments as opportunities to connect with them. Help your
children label their feelings and emotions. Even if you guess at what you think
they might be feeling, and get it wrong, it still opens up the chance to talk.
Children will still get the message that you care.

Recognize and validate your child’s
emotions, even if you don’t approve of their behavior in that moment. Then
problem solve with them. For example, you could say something like, “I
understand you are disappointed and upset about being grounded and not being
allowed to go to the game with your friends, but missing your curfew is against
the family rules. Why don’t we talk about your plan for getting home on time
after next week’s game?”

If you are separated by your child by
distance or situations beyond your control, it is still critical to try to be
there emotionally. Write letters, call, Skype, send cards, emails or texts to
let your child know you care about them and want to know how they are doing.

If it is not possible for you to have
regular contact with your child, keep a box of photos of you and them, or of
you when you were growing up. Write notes on your thoughts and dreams for their
future or on advice you have for them on leading a good life. Describe any good
memories you have of them or of you and your dad. When you are able, send these
items to your child as a “care package,” or save them for a time when you can
give them to your child yourself.

There are many types of dads and many ways
to connect with your children. Making a sincere effort to connect with your
children puts you on the right track to creating the most positive impacts on
their lives. Ronald Warren, Director of the National Fatherhood Initiative put it this way,
“Kids have a hole in their soul the shape of their dads. They have a tremendous
desire to connect – it’s in there, its part of who they are.”

For more information on all types of dads
and families, you can also go online to National Center for
Fathering.
This is a nonprofit educational organization that provides research-based
training and resources to men so they are equipped to accurately address their
children’s needs. The organization’s goal is to reverse the cultural trend
toward fatherlessness by helping every dad learn how to be the best father he
can be.