my habit of thinking

Tag Archives: festivities

First and foremost when inviting people into your house you must come to terms with the guest on what is expected of them before or upon entry onto your property. If during the visit they overstep a boundary, politely let them know, if they continue to go against your wishes ask them to leave or do not invite them back. Understand that anything you give them of yours- for which you do not ask payment for upon delivery- is a gift. It is customary for frequent guests to bring something in trade for your hospitality but do not rely on this as a source of supplies. If you require something specific, like food or drink, then ask them before they arrive, or before they get too drunk to drive to the liquor store; good guests are more than happy to provide party supplies but it is up to the host to ask if supplies or funds are definitely required.

If at anytime you are unable to provide proper hospitality, then you need to stop inviting people into your space.

Improper hospitality includes:
-Assuming you can request anything of your guests because you provide a place for them to get together
-Providing food or drinks and after the fact telling guests they need to start paying you for them. It is your responsibility to make sure guests know ahead of time what is considered a gift and what isn’t. Everyone has different awareness of how large their contribution to the festivities should be.
-Sharing beyond your means. If something is beyond your means to share, DO NOT Share it. People understand this as long as you communicate it to them.
-Failing to take into account a guest’s contribution to the festivities (how many times has someone brought over a case of beer and only drank one, leaving the rest for later parties?) and focusing on your own monetary needs.
-Assuming guests who leave early and don’t drink as much need to contribute as much as guests who stay later and drink more.
-Relying on unspoken requirements for entry.

It is most difficult for a host to block the build up of a sense of ‘entitlement to respect’ from their guests. At that point, when a host seeks to exercise perceived power, the host has put themselves on a different level than their guests. This imbalance of perceived power makes true friendship impossible as guests are continuously pressured to do as the hosts desires under the guise of how long they have been “friends” and how long a guest has been invited over to utilize the host’s offered resources.

If a host demands compliance from a guest because of the longevity of their friendship…it is in the guest’s best interest to no longer choose to be a guest. If you meet at a bar and a friend needs help…..well…….that topic would be included in a different note titled: “On what makes a good friend.”