In The Aftermath Of Sandy, Take Advantage Of Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful. This year, especially, so many of us should be thankful for the safety and security of our personal families and belongings, while opening our hearts to those not as fortunate, in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy. Let’s learn from this natural disaster and use our gathering time to talk about the importance of getting critical life information organized and to begin to formulate our own action plans for our families and loved ones:

If you or your loved ones lost everything in a flood, a fire, or a crisis … how would you find critical information to help with policies, bills, medications and recovering assets? Hurricane Sandy affected 8.5+ million Americans and, per CBS Morning, climate change is real and there will be more “Sandys” in our future.

If you got a phone call in the middle of the night saying your elderly parent had been in an accident and the hospital needed medical information immediately … could you find it? Less than 50% of adult children know their parents’ medical histories and fewer than 49% can name any of the medications their parents take every day. (Boomer Project study)

Do you know where all the “stuff” is for your family? Or even what it is?

The tough discussions should be started NOW – while everyone is home for the holidays.

1. Why have the conversations?

It’s important to protect your family legacy – including the finances, the medical history and the assets - because in times of crisis, things fall through the cracks.

Your goal should be to save time. A Boston research firm found that, on average, we spend 55 minutes a day looking for things you know you have … but you can’t find. Imagine how difficult it is to find things when operating in crisis mode. And since you love your family, you want their stress and pressure eased, not skyrocketed, when something happens.

2. Why have the conversations now?

Because now is the right time, and it’s only a starting point. Don’t wait until you’re standing in a hospital emergency room or a funeral home. That’s not the time to start accumulating information; it’s the time to make informed decisions. Start now … when there is no crisis. When the family is together is the best time to assess the family situation.

3. What are the tough topics we need to think about?

They cover a range... from health care proxies, health care directives, HIPAA release forms wills, trusts and living wills to DNRs and everything in between. They cover when to consider taking the car keys away from aging parents. They include discussing how long people can live independently … and what options might be such as nursing homes or home care or preparing for Aging in Place. They include who will continue the family business – if someone even wants to and, if not, how to transition it to someone else. They include alerting seniors to susceptibility to scams … and frank conversations about finances. They include discussions about the security of the Internet and what accounts are housed there. The list of topics is endless.

4. So how do you jumpstart the conversations?

Tell a story. Why, there’s someone I know who found $70,000 in bearer bonds BY ACCIDENT when his Mother died. What if he hadn’t stumbled upon them? He didn’t even know they existed!

Talk about articles you read that got you thinking about the need to be pro-active; articles about people who were unprepared in emergencies, like Hurricane Sandy, and about the vast sums of money – between $35 - $400 BILLIION which have been confiscated by state governments and is recoverable by family members IF they have the right information and know how to go about retrieving it.

Introduce the concept of a “Life Inventory” and using an organizational tool to help pull everything together. Make it a family project – even the younger kids can help by using a phone camera to take pictures of each room of the house(es).

5. Why is it important to listen as well as lead the conversation?

Listening is 50% of a good conversation. You learn a lot more that way!

It’s also important to observe – are you seeing alarming changes, especially in elderly people? Are they not wearing matching clothes? Are they unsteady? Is it time to take the area rugs away or install grab bars? Is there expired food in the fridge?

6. What if the family is resistant?

Keep trying. Keep opening up the conversation. Never stop trying. These must be on-going conversations, because life – and families – are constantly changing. By testing the waters now, you set the stage for future conversations. You learn to negotiate the landscape, and hopefully, avoid pitfalls. You start to build rapport, or realize that you need to call in reinforcements … perhaps professionals such as attorneys, doctors, an accountant, or even a family mediator.

You can also introduce an organizational tool – like my own product, CBData®. But you must get across the following message: We love our family and we love you. We want our family, all of us, to be protected. In order to do that, we need to know your wishes and your Life Inventory to make sure you are protected.7. What motivated me to care so much about this issue?

I was one of the people displaced by Hurricane Sandy. For eight days.

I was also the person who got the call in the middle of the night that my parents had been in a car accident. My mother had been killed, and my dad lost all of his executive skills. I became the primary care coordinator to my dad for the next 14 years. I needed everything. I had nothing. When my dad peacefully passed away in 2008, my “scavenger hunt” began. Where is everything? What is everything? After six months of doing the mad scramble, including getting a safecracker to open his safe, since no one knew the combination, I developed a software program and service that helps people take all of the “stuff” that’s in their heads, in their files, and in their piles … and organizes it into one safe, secure place, right on their own computer, that’s there when they need it. At their fingertips.

Make this Thanksgiving the first of many meaningful conversations with your family. Start the conversations over your pumpkin pie or while booing or cheering a football game. And have a very happy and productive “turkey” day!

Carol R. Kaufman Founder/CEO of CareBinders, LLC, is the inventor of the CBData® software suite, initially launched in 2009. Her first product, InvesTier®, was acquired by SunGard in 2002. An entrepreneur for over 35 years, Ms. Kaufman’s specialties include public speaking, training and software-based solutions to organizational problems. She resides in Ridgewood, NJ.