Feelings are weird; or, BSC #72: Dawn and the We [Heart] Kids Club

Who's who? I can't tell, other than the brunette young'un. And at a money place like that? Why the fuck are they on those broke-ass lounge chairs? Did somebody blow all the money on the waterfall in the background and the phone line by the pool? Plus, one of these bitches is wearing slouch socks...outside...with a bathing suit...while pouring tanning oil!!! Plus, I spy...some awkward tan lines. And they're all majorly sunburned.

As for the plot, damn is it convoluted. Seriously, there's all kinds of stuff going on that's only sorta related to everything else. The major points:

The local (that's Palo City, for those just tuning in) newspaper and the local TV news team profile the We [Heart] Kids Club, drumming up both business and jealousy (by way of Miss Kristin Amanda Thomas. That's her full name, right?).

Carol & Mr. Schafer announce their engagement, causing Dawn to freak out and FUCKING RUN AWAY BACK TO CONNECTICUT BY STEALING HER DAD'S CREDIT CARD NUMBER!!!!!!!

Dawn feels rejected and unwelcome in both Palo City home and Stoneybrook home.

Dawn thinks Stephie thinks of Dawn has her mother. Or something. But Stephie def wants a mommy.

Kristy goes on a media blitz, but it doesn't work.

Nicky Pike loves his brothers, even as he hates them. [How very, very deep.]

Dawn kind of resigns herself to Carol, but then Carol & the Schaf call it quits.

I think that's all the major stuff.

Righty, then. Another list:

Did you know that schools in Cali don't have bells? And nobody ever needs a coat? And that all teachers are easy-going? Yeah, me neither. Guess I really missed out. Fuckin' a. Decrying stereotypes even as she reinforces them.

"Vegetable chips are the best. They're like potato chips, except they're made with carrots and parsnips and sweet potatoes and other great stuff...Okay, stop gagging. I just happen to like natural foods." ARGH! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! You can actually like both potato chips and veggie chips. AND it's not like she's comparing pork rinds and, like, sprouts. She's really just talking about two different kinds of fried veggies.

"Having best friends on both coasts in pretty fantastic." Except not. Being far away from your best friend sucks giant donkey balls. I don't care if you have other people around to distract you. Dumbass.

Why have meetings at all? What do they do at meetings if they don't have regular meetings? I'm so confused!

Stephie's nanny's looking hawt: "Joanna came in, dressed in a short fringed skirt and a tight-fitting beaded top, her dark hair pulled back in a sleek, elegant style." Somebody's ho-ing it up for her birthday date!

Carol's "young and tries to be hip." Which, Dawn tells us, is both good and bad. How fantastically fucking specific.

Carol uses the word bodacious. Heh.

Yes, Dawn has the lightest hair, and Sunny has strawberry-blonde hair.

When did Dawn start to like surfing?

Ah, they do not mock the hippies enough for my taste. ["I ated too much hippie pie."]

Apparently, Maggie has a movie mogul dad, and, as Dawn keeps mentioning, she had dinner with Keanu Reeves. Wow. [Incidentally, I would love to have dinner with Mr. Reeves, and I'd totally badger him with quotes from Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.]

Oh, and "Maggie has the coolest look (which is constantly changing). Her hair is short and punkish, with a thin tail in back. She usually streaks it purple or green or black. Her fashion sense runs toward leather bomber jackets [in L.A.? where it's too warm for jackets in the winter, according to Dawn?] and lace-up black boots." Punk rock. Or, like, baby punk rock.

"Even though he's a carnivore and a jock, I like him. He talks in this cute Kentucky accent, and he's great-looking." Well, I like him already. Oh, wait, she's talking about Logan.

A whole wheat cracker with cashew butter. Yum! Oh, wait, is that supposed to be an example of "weird" health food? Later, there's all this talk about Thai food, and I might have to hit up my fave Thai joint this weekend, just because of that.

The journalist from the paper? "She had short brown hair, a friendly smile, and was wearing a beautiful cotton cardigan over a white T-shirt and gray stirrup slacks. She could have been a college student." Wow, I, uh, stirrup slacks? Also, that's not what college kids in 1994 were wearing, as far as I can tell. Dude, middle of grunge. All I'm saying.

Journalist used to baby-sit through college. Because she went to a college without a library. Or student office workers. Or any other fucking job on campus. I guess.

The photographer, Lance? He was "a hunk. He was in his twenties, dressed in black, with dark brown hair pulled back in a ponytail, and the deepest, most luscious eyes..." Sounds dreamy. Except for the ponytail.

I can't even begin to describe the treacly article. Puff piece.

They're all acting like they're famous movie stars after they're on the news for an entire 4 minutes.

How can you have an early dinner when it's pitch-dark out? In New Hampshire, in the dead of winter, it's dark by 4:30, 4:45. So, let's say you eat at 5. That's really not a terribly early dinner. Might be early for you, but still. It's California. It stays light later there all year round. Ugh. Leaps of logic.

Dawn thinks she looks wide and pale on TV.

Sunny doesn't realize that she's using last year's calendar. But they make fun of Sharon. And Claudia. Hmm.

And, according to this book, Kristy and Dawn never really got past the whole sharing Mary Anne thing.

Yes, Stephie, sisters forget just as much as anyone. And Dawn's not really your sister.

"Mrs. DeWitt is tall and thin, with huge brown eyes and a wonderful smile. She's an actress..." Blah. In what world are there all these model-type moms and actress moms. They never describe the dumpy moms, or the mom-jeans.

"Carol was wearing a dress, with a big, colorful [what colors????] beret in her red hair--and makeup, which is very unusual for her." So many details, it hurts.

"And it was so easy. I've never felt so independent in my life." Well, sweetheart, you should be feeling like the little fuckwit you are. Stupid bitch. Don't be all pleased with yourself, you did a really terrible thing.

And she was surprised that her dad called the cops. And she was pissed that she had to go back the next day. That's a really fucking expensive temper tantrum.

Mary Anne sleeps in L.L. Bean.

Dawn is also surprised that things are weird and unhappy after she gets back.

Pensive Dawn = BORING.

Oh, and the We [Heart] Kids Club gets a little more organized. Cause they had to tie back into the title of the fucking book.

A break in the fighting and Jeff asks Dawn if Carol & Father Schafer killed each other! Active imagination, that one.

I didn't read this one the first time around, so I'm confused. How in the hell is Kristy jealous? Was the story on cnn? Funny, I liked Dawn when I used to read these books. What does that say about me?

Mwahahaha, rat tail! We went to school with a kid who had a rat tail and one of my friends chopped it off in class. What a terrible thing to do... yet at the same time some part of me feels less guilty and more "we did him a favour."

I don't think I ever read this one, but I always hated the We Heart Kids Club. I never read many books which featured them.

AND hooray for mentioned the Bill and Ted movie. <3Looking forward to Mary Ann and the Search for Tigger ;)

Because there's nothing more natural than pulverizing vegetables, mixing them with potato flour, reconstituting them into a foam, and then flash-frying the foam. That's a real healthy choice there, Dawn.

When I originally read this book, I don't think I really noticed how effed up it is for a 13-year-old to steal her father's credit card to buy plane tickets. If I recall, I actually made a mental note of it as a viable option in case of an emergency that required me to beat a cross-country retreat. Thanks, BSC!

That's a good point about Sunny's stupidity. There's another book (maybe a super special) where she wants to throw Dawn a goodbye party but has absolutely nothing organized, and it's like, the day before she wants to give it. Kristy is appalled and offers to help and the party happens really because of her. So, yeah, Sunny was a ditz.

Anyone ever read California Diaries? They were actually good (at least I thought). The We Heart Kids Club broke up and it's Dawn, Sunny and Maggie plus Amalia and their guy friend Ducky who are introduced in book 1...but this entry reminded me of the CA Diaries and how much better they were than the BSC for being a spin off of the BSC...

I always hate when they talk about how lenient schools are in California, or whatever. My middle school was perfectly normal (no shoving the eighth graders in with high schoolers or anything), we had bells, and we actually *gasp* DO wear jackets in the winter! It's California, it's not fucking Hawaii. (Although I lived in Ireland for a year and when I came home to CA for Christmas, I wore t-shirts and flip flops the entire time.)

And my income throughout college was made almost solely by baby-sitting, although I did have jobs in teaching also. I'm finishing college this summer and my current job for the summer is babysitting for the same kid I've been looking after for a few years, haha. It does happen.

I definitely read this one and probably own it... I remember the We [Heart] Kids Club (that stupid heart annoyed me soooo much) getting on the news and Kristy being jealous, but I have no memory of Dawn stealing her dad's credit card and hopping on a cross-country flight. What a bitch. Also, weren't rat tails totally over by 1994? I don't know anyone who had one past like maybe 1991 or so (then again, I was only nine in 1991 and also transferred to a Catholic school where you weren't allowed to have "radical" haircuts, so maybe I have no idea what I'm talking about).

I remember thinking, " how did the we <3 Kids club end up on tv? Were they the only kids in the state of California to have the idea for a baby sitters club?"Is it just me or does it sound like Maggie is headed for a hilarious edition of E's True Hollywood Story? Think about it... child of a famous producer, already acting out with outrageous hairstyles at 13, later develops anorexia...

The school I work at doesn't have bells because our principal doesn't believe in them. I hate it. Kids wander in four or five minutes after the class period starts and interrupt everything. I'm not in California, though, and I don't know of any other school in my state (Florida) with this policy. And believe me, I ask people all the time.

bibberly, if it helps, my secondary school did away with bells as well. I live in England, though, so not ENTIRELY relevant. It was annoying as a kid, as well, because people would just be wandering about but also you'd know you had to leave the lesson or the next teacher would get pissed off and your current teacher would be like "Waaaaait... Waaaaait... Waaaaait... okay, go." Dumb.

I hated the we [heart] kids club. I could never understand why Dawn wanted to move back to California in the first place because she blatently loooooved the attention being the only healthy person in the entire state of Connecticutt afforded her and when she was in Cali, no one gave a shit. Stupid Dawn.

If schools in California didn't have bells, that would entirely negate the concept of Saved by the Bell, and I can't stand for that, not even from my other most beloved adolescent diversion.

Also, had Tiff not mentioned that the book came out in '94, I could have sworn the setting from the cover had been ripped off from Cher's house in Clueless. Although now that I think about it, I suppose it also could have been David's grandparents' Palm Springs house from the first season of 90210.

I always liked Dawn as a kid (I somehow identified as the skinny tanned blonde Californian) but this blog made me realize just how self-righteously obnoxious she was. Also, I always suspected ANM consulted a Big Book of West Coast Cliches rather than actually set foot in the Golden State. I mean, no jackets? No bells? Tofu at every meal? It's not an entire state of hippie communes for chrissakes! Also, remember book 4 when MaryAnne and Dawn met and Dawn had that weird habit of eating everything on her tray in a sort of circular fashion? I love that kind of crazy OCD behavior - whatever happened to that?!?

I believe vthe people on the cover...the one on the left is Dawn, the brunette Stephie (obviously) the one lounging on the ground on the phone Sunny (even though she looks about 10), the one with the oil is Jill (She was described as having the darkest hair of the four) and of course Maggie the weird looking o e

ANM blows.I live in Southern California, and when every school I attended has school bells. ANM has no idea what she is talking about. And the teachers are not all 'laid-back' and hip. And we wear coats in the wintertime. It doesn't snow here, but it still rains and it's still cold.I really hated Dawn in this one. Geez, such a selfish moron. If my dad found out I stole his credit card number he'd probably make me sleep outside for five years.

You guys have to help me! I love the BSC, but this was a book I read when I was younger between BSC releases, and I can't remember the name of it. Basically, it was about a poor girl with a rich friend named Gretchen. The poor girl made her mom make her a madras plaid shirt and then she and Gretchen grew apart in junior high...and Gretchen ended up getting in a bad car accident that scarred her face, and they got to be friends again. Oh, and the main character ended up with a nerd for a boyfriend. This is driving me INSANE. Can anyone help?!

Yeah, Dawn was uber bitchy. I didn't read this book until I was older, so her stealing her dad's CC# got a really wtf from me. What *was* her punishment? Grounded or something? It didn't seem too bad.

I do remember California Diaries. In the first book, they jettison Jill and then Sunny gets drunk at a party. And because of lack of space, the eighth graders have to go to school in the high school (which makes no sense...).

Oh! And one of the girls, Amalia, has an abusive sixteen year old boyfriend. The whole series was so BSC gone after school special/rated PG. Anorexia, abuse, alcohol, oh my!

Puh-lease do the super special where they go to Sea city soon! I now live in Baltimore and everyone is trying to get me to go to Ocean city but I'm scared it's going to be a tourist trap like Sea City. Placate me, please....

You're right about most of the CA cliche crap.... but I grew up in LA, and seriously, I didn't own a coat. The most I ever needed was a sweatshirt and an umbrella. I went to college in the Bay Area and was in for the shock of a lifetime... LOL

I have one of those California Diaries...I think I had the Amalia one.I think she's just moved to Cali, and she's kinda the manager of her friend's band...? And like Artemis said, an abusive boyfriend. I'm just wondering now though, was she 13? And the boyfriend 16? Okay then.

Haha, and doesn't she try to wag (skip) a class with her boyfriend and his buddies, and she gets caught?

I'm pretty sure she was thirteen since the girls were still eighth graders. And I'm pretty sure James (yeah...I remember his name!) was sixteen at least because he can drive. There's even a scene where they're in his car and he's been pissy that she hasn't been wearing this ankle bracelet he bought her, and he sees she has it on and is so excited.

Yes, evidently Cali is just an anarchy-ridden place where children can do whatever they want. Can we discuss how the We Heart Kids Club also, in a later book, allows a twelve year old with Down Syndrome to baby-sit? Yikes. A few Cali inconsistencies...

1) I thought they were from Anaheim (well, they were in Dawn on the Coast).2) Did anyone else ever notice how all the BSC member's dad's names were totally interchangeable? They were all either Jack or Richard (except for Mr. Kishi, I think), an sometimes both.

Oh I read this one so long ago and I was excited because it was about California which was sooo much better than old Connecticut. Yeah. Not really.As a student in California I was seriously pissed my school never got the 'no bells' memo. And I lived next to three schools so in the summer I heard approximately 37 bells a day. I never got to sleep in. Being "bicoastal" sounds like a serious topic for books post 2000, I agree not glamorous at all.And veggie chips are quite nasty.Ug, the assumption that everyone from California dines with celebrities. Not unless you're a lucky inmate at whatever prison Paris Hilton ended up in this past summer.I can't believe they described a photographer with a mullet. EwwwwI wish it were light past 5pm in California.And can I add that airlines, even in the 1990s would not let anyone under say 15 fly alone. This I know, I've had to sign for my cousins at the gate like UPS packages. Yes, I thoroughly inspected them for damage. I am so glad Dawn's dad called her on her shit. Besides "independence" is doing it on your own damn money, not daddy's.Yes, annoying book. Thank you for reading it so I didn't have to ;)

Okay, so I've had the words "I ated too much hippie pie" in my head and I can't for the life of me figure out where they come from. You're the ONLY page on the internet that references it (which was like a slice of heaven because your blog is HIL-ARIOUS.) so, tell me, where is it from!?