Hollywood Sure Isn't Tuned In To Teen-agers

TELEVISION

Most people are too polite to say it to my face, but they don't regard watching television as a real job, much less a respectable career.

Proof that it is, though, comes each year when I'm invited to participate in career day at a public school. That's what I like to think, anyway.

For all I know, the only thing my invitation proved this year was that the gypsy roofer canceled at the last minute.

My unsuspecting audiences were three of Jan McClure's senior English classes at Winter Park High. Attendance at the sessions was SRO - Some Real Oddballs.

Just kidding. They were all good kids, but a distinct minority. A majority of their classmates apparently decided to stay home that Wednesday and get an early start on studying for finals.

Of the 35 or so who did show up, none recognized me from my likeness in the paper. That's OK. I'm used to being out in public with people who swear they don't know me - even when we're sitting together having dinner as a family.

One reason my face drew a sea of blank faces is that teen-agers watch less TV than any other group of viewers and thus have less interest in reading a newspaper column about it - thereby skipping two pointless activities.

Yes, teens watch their share of TV, but, except for MTV, it's not what you might think. More significantly, it's not what Hollywood thinks.

In a show-of-hands poll, I found no regular viewers of Beverly Hills, 90210; Melrose Place; The Heights (canceled); or Class of '96, a new series about college freshmen that Fox just knew would captivate the young-adult crowd so prized for its disposable income.

(Ratings for 90210 remain healthy. So who's watching if not the targeted late teens? Ten-and 11-year-olds, I was told. Yikes.)

To my amazement and delight, I discovered more interest in Key West, a series Fox did not pitch at high schoolers, maybe figuring they didn't have the geography skills to find it on the map.

If my poll is any indication, lots of teens defied Fox research by not flocking mindlessly to Class of '96 - a cookie-cutter effort that had a chance to be a latter-day Paper Chase but turned out to be more chase than paper - and by lending more support than anyone imagined to Key West, a quirky, highly original series.

Fox's decision to take Key West off the schedule and stick with Class of '96 - whose ratings have now dived below the lowest recorded by Key West - is a classic instance of network myopia.

Key West's ratings were edging up slightly even as Class of '96 - its lead-in on Tuesday nights - was slumping. Key West was outperforming Class of '96 when it was yanked off the air in March.

Instead of backing a show that was picking up viewers against all odds - Key West aired at 9 p.m. opposite Roseanne - Fox dumped it and kept promoting a series that already has been rejected by the audience it was designed for.

(Fox hasn't decided what to do with four remaining episodes of Key West, but it's a safe bet they'll be thrown onto the air sometime because they're paid for, and networks, like sausage makers, use everything.)

So, I wondered, if young people aren't tuning in the shows manufactured for them, what are they watching? There were scattered votes for Doogie Howser, Martin, The Edge, Cheers, Night Court reruns, ESPN SportsCenter and Oprah Winfrey.

But the only sea of hands was for two cartoons - the cheerfully anarchic Ren & Stimpy on MTV, and Batman, which I was told is better than the movies. (It airs at 5:30 p.m. Monday through Friday on WOFL-Channel 35.)

It was embarrassing, but I admitted I had never seen the Batman cartoon and would make a point of checking it out, to stay current. (Gee, I thought digging Parker Lewis put me on the cutting edge.)

Considering the hipness of the crowd, I was surprised to find no Seinfeld groupies in the room. I attempted to turn them on to the coolest show on TV by recounting the episode in which Jerry forgot his girlfriend's name, but knew it rhymed with a woman's body part.

There were some puzzled looks (mostly among guys) when I revealed the name was Dolores, but Jan McClure, a fan of the show, chuckled in the back of the room. For a moment there on career day, I didn't feel so quite so clueless.