Feel Good About Getting Fat and Drunk With These Charitable Belly-Fillers

Ever find yourself wondering how you can contribute to society while cramming food and beer down your gullet? Neither do we, but just in case you ever want to accidentally be a good person while shoving your face in the trough, check out these six companies.

Firemans Brew began when two firefighters extinguished a mountain brush fire and found themselves parched (something we can totally identify with from that time the water cooler in our office broke for like, three hours. It was gnarly). So these two fire-fighting, beer-drinking entrepreneurs decided to make a beer (and coffee, and root beer) that would “extinguish your thirst and ignite the party” and then - as if they hadn’t already just scaled the summit of Mount Awesome - they decided to donate a portion of their sales to the National Fallen Firefighters Foundation. Way to make all us other men look bad, guys.

Since their doors opened on September 11, 2011, Mission BBQ has set out to change the world for the better, not only through its unique, mouthwatering barbecue, but also with its large charitable donations to organizations that target American heroes. Besides a daily lunchtime salute to the stars and stripes, Mission BBQ donates to Wounded Warriors, USO, Honor Flight Network, and the National Fallen Firefighters Foundation, as well as nine other local organizations in Baltimore and New York. We feel good every time we go there to make a special donation to our stomachs.

Claiming that they’re “Taking back America, one beer at a time,” American Patriot Beer pledges 25% of its net profits to 10 different local and national charities each year. As a new company, they haven’t actually started making a profit yet, but once they do, a quarter of it will be funneled back into the St. Louis area, based on suggestions made by the people who are drinking American Patriot Beer. It’s the perfect way to feel some American pride while drinking a cold one, and another reason for drunk people to chant, “USA! USA! USA!”

Finnegans Beer is as charitable as a company can possibly be, since a whopping 100% of their profits go to food banks that purchase fresh food from local farmers, which is then donated to the hungry. Brewed out of Summit Brewery, their motto is “Turning beer into food,” which definitely beats our usual motto of “Turning beer into pee.” What’s more, both their Irish Amber and Blonde Ale are better than most of the beer you’ve been drinking - beer whose profits just go to Monocle J. Moneybags in his ivory beer tower.

Despite their main product being a carbohydrate assault of cheesy pasta, eating Annie’s Mac & Cheese will make you feel good on two fronts. Firstly, Annie’s is dedicated to using only organic foods while keeping a low carbon footprint. Secondly – and more tangibly – they give grants for schools across the country to build gardens for young students, and award thousands of dollars in scholarships through their Sustainable Agriculture Scholarship. It’s nice to know that that warm, tingling sensation we get after eating a box of the stuff isn’t necessarily another cardiac arrest.

Stone Brewing Company, maker of award-winning and awesomely named brews such as Arrogant Bastard Ale and Punishment, has a soft side: Since being founded in 1996, the company has donated over $2 million to charities. Each year they hold the Stone Anniversary Celebration & Invitational Beer Festival, which has raised over $1 million for select local organizations. Not only that, but each year they donate more than $250,000 worth of their top-shelf brews to charitable fundraisers. These are the top-shelf brews that, we should remind you, have satanic logos and labels that call you a pussy if you enjoy light beers. Who says charity has to be the Lord’s work?