An upstate kinda girl.

I never go back home upstate. Well no, that’s not true. I go home about once every 8-10 months for 36-48 television and sleep filled hours.

This past Christmas, during my pilgrimage, I found my Senior yearbook. Class of 2005. It’s my favorite one, being the most hilarious to look at – shiny silver leaf cover with an L shaped cutout that features an inlaid cartoon of a “raider” looking buff, with a jank-y short leg victoriously perched on top of a treasure chest, in the surf with a full-on rainbow sunset.

Inside was my senior edition of the Lampion – the school paper. They interviewed all of us: our favorite quote, our secret crush, where we were going to college, what we wanted to accomplish in the next 10 years…

As much as you’re salivating over who my senior secret crush was (cough Jeff cough), I’ll stay on track.

It’s 2013. I graduated in 2005. By the end of the next 2 years I am responsible for completing the goals I set for myself in the decade following all-important high school, or the Student Council Police will hunt me down and seriously revoke my pass to the ten year reunion and I’ll never get to experience my own personal dream: “Romy and Michelle Take Fairport.” Right?

My 3 Goals (aka how close I am to being arrested by the S.C.) –

1. Live in another country: 1/2 point. I have studied and travelled extensively all over Eastern & Western Europe. If I could- without giving up my career- I’d make my home in Barcelona.

2. Go to College: CHECK. BFA in Musical Theatre, re: The University at Buffalo.

3. Live in NYC: CHECK! CHECK! 3.5 years and counting. BOO-YAH.

So, I’m safe from the Po-Po, with 2 years to spare. …Go me?

Okay listen. I am sad for my 18-year-old self. I already knew I was going to college when I answered those interview questions, I already knew I’d be going to NYC. So basically, I wasted a perfectly good opportunity for goals that would mean something in the future. I was too scared to believe in my heart that I deserved to dream big. I was too scared to be willing to leap, not knowing if there was something to catch me. I was too scared to trust myself.

We, as artists, face our fear every time we go to an audition, write a play, compose a song, pitch a show…. We open our heart and show how it beats to create- to the people who will judge us and tell us whether they think it’s worthy of life, or not.

What I’m going to talk with you about through this blog will be a myriad of stuff that works for me, my experiments, my experiences – being an actor, writer, producer, theatre company co-founder, student of life – stuff that’s helped me to conquer fear…and a little bit of story. After all, isn’t “Telling Stories” our job?

I didn’t aim particularly high back then either. I don’t think I realized that I had options back in high school. Simply put, it wasnt a reality yet. I didnt know what it felt like to control my own life. In high school most things were laid out for me – school, drama club, family and friends time. I’m not surprised we didn’t aim as big as we wish we would have. I think for me, it just wasn’t time for all that yet. What’s important is that we realize it now and leap bigger today. So no worries, Practical. 🙂