Average Cop is widely held to be one of the most daring and original Hollywood action movies of recent years. Critics loved it, as it dared to go against established tradition and confront convention. Unfortunately, the average moviegoer didn't identify with it in the same fashion, and it was a spectacular flop.

In order for the reader to try and understand why this was the case, we here transcribe the original theatrical trailer in all its glory.

Contents

Opening Voiceover

The screen is black. Slowly, the sound of footsteps approaching becomes louder, and the camera fades in to a shot of feet in highly polished shoes walking along a corridor. Funky 70's music is playing in the background

Chief: That's the goddamn problem man - you're never insubordinate!And you neverplay by your own rules! Don't you realise I haven't suspended you in the three months you've been with the department? People will think I'm losing my touch!Going soft in my old age! For god's sake, give me a reason to suspend you!

Bremner (completely baffled): Well, you're the chief, chief, you can suspend me if it'll make you feel better.

Chief: Goddamn it!Get out of my sight man!

Bremner: No problem sir. Have a nice day, sir!

The chief buries his head in his hands.

Exciting Car Chase

The evil villain's car is being chased by a cop car with sirens blaring. They race across several busy city blocks, weaving dramatically in and out of the traffic. Gunfire is exchanged. They swerve through a parade, narrowly missing several members of the marching band who shake their fists after them in comedic fashion. The evil villain's car swerves onto a side street, but the pursuing cop car doesn't. Just as the evil villain is celebrating his escape, the cop car jumps over the fence beside him thanks to a handily placed ramp and crashes through a hot-dog stand on the sidewalk, miraculously missing the hot-dog vendor. Both cars collide and crash into the front of a cake store across the road. The windscreens are amusingly covered in cream cakes. The evil villain is slumped in his car, struggling to move. With a grim smile of triumph, the unconventional cop in the cop car gets out, ready to make his arrest. A hand lands on his shoulder.

All the thrills and spills of an Average Cop's day!

Bremner: You're under arrest for dangerous driving and recklessly endangering the lives of civilians.

McTough: Yeah sure, nice joke Bremner, now how about letting me make the collar, huh?

Bremner: You have the right to remain silent, anything you say...

McTough:Goddamn it! You're not seriously arresting me are you? I'm about to arrest the head of the single biggest crime syndicate in the city!

Bremner: I'm sorry, but you broke the law. I've made my arrest, and I can't let you out of my custody - that would be a dereliction of my duty. How about we go and discuss the 18 major traffic violations I've arrested you for, and you can "go and take that son-of-a-bitch down" when they let you out of jail?

Bremner: I'm just trying to keep the streets safe from the likes of you, lawbreaker.

McTough buries his head in his hands. Bremner handcuffs him.

Daring Rescue

What, go in there without full protective gear? There's no way they pay me enough for that!

The evil villain's minions have set fire to a warehouse full of incriminating evidence, leaving the sexy love interest trapped inside. Bremner and an unconventional cop are the first to arrive on the scene.