8 Reasons Why I No Longer Jog

01/07/2013 11:30 am ET
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Updated
Mar 09, 2013

Linda Wolff
Blogger at Carpool Goddess where she proves that midlife, motherhood, and the empty nest aren't so scary.

On my blissful morning walk, I gazed at a young runner and thought wistfully, that used to be me. Young. And able to run. Don't get me wrong; if the house were on fire (heaven forbid) or I wanted to beat out a crowd to get to the front of the line at Sprinkles Cupcakes, I could run. I might hurt myself, though. So why bother?

I can't really remember when I gave it up, though I'm sure it was sometime in the 1900s. Back then, I didn't carry so much stuff when I ran. Now, I practically need a tool belt to hold the water bottle, iPhone, iPod, Kleenex and light snack for my daily, hour-long walk. You can see why running just doesn't make sense.

Here are more reasons why I choose to walk instead of jog:

1. Ouch. (See 2-4 for more details).

2. All that pounding on the pavement hurts my lower back. I can just tell the fluid in the spaces between my vertebrae have dried up for good. It feels like bone on bone (I swear, I can hear the grinding). All of which has me convinced running will make me start to shrink faster than nature intended.

3. My knee hurts. It's more of a stabbing pain. And one of these days, that knee is going to give out on that little sprint to grab the phone, so I'm not about to risk it running around the block.

4. My feet hurt, too. I really think years of wearing heels have ruined them. As I'm getting older, wearing high heels for even just an hour and then jogging is a pain like no other. Any chance sensible shoes are sexy?

6. It's tough to have a phone conversation on your cell when you're huffing and puffing. It gets embarrassing when people start to wonder what you're doing.

7. I'll start to sweat. I ask myself, "Is this worth having to wash and blow-dry this unruly head of hair?!" Never forget your hair. Never.

8. All that bobbing up and down can't be good for anything that I'd like to keep facing north (jowls, breasts, etc...). I'm having a hard enough time fighting gravity in a sedentary position -- I don't need to make it worse.

Do you prefer to walk or run? Do you find your self saying, "What the heck, lets drive instead!"