Entertaining inspiration with a humorous twist

One political candidate accused another candidate of not being attractive, and therefore, unable to get votes.

It made G-Pop wonder if his children knew how to handle a bully. There has been a great confluence of opinions on the subject of “bullying,” which boil down to three assertions:

A. Bullying is bad

B. Kids need to know how to speak up for themselves

C. Bullies make victims

What if all of these assertions are wrong?

Because when we have grown people who are supposed to be our leaders, who are still resorting to bullying, attempting to victimize others, we can’t isolate the problem as an adolescent situation.

Bullies don’t go away just because they have more birthdays.

So G-Pop wanted to explain to his children exactly how this situation works. For after all, everyone gets bullied. There are even “bulliers” who bully the bullies.

It begins with an action, an accusation or an insult. Here’s what G-Pop thinks you should do:

1. After the insult, you have the stage.

People will turn to see how you’re going to react to this indignity. The spotlight is on you. What you do next will determine whether the public views the bully as the victor or realizes that you have handled yourself with great power and have overcome the onslaught.

Obviously, with the amount of bullying that goes on in America, most of our countrymen think the bully has the advantage.

After the bullying is presented, you have the stage. Everyone is awaiting your response.

2. It is a principle in wrestling that the best way to defeat your opponent is to use his weight against him.

That’s right. When your adversary is in the attack position, he becomes off-balance. He is lunging and his weight is on the front of his feet. He does not have equilibrium anymore unless you catch him, hold him up and begin to fight.

If you move out of the way, pushing your attacker to the side, he will likely fall down.

When Donald Trump suggested that Carly Fiorina was not attractive enough to be President, he thrust forward, placing himself in a position to be thrown to the ground by someone who would use the wieght of his stupid comment against him.

So what should she have said back to his insult? How about this?

“Well, I understand that Mr. Trump is accustomed to judging beauty contests, but since being President doesn’t come with any crown–even a tiara–I’m not terribly concerned about how he views my comeliness.”

She would not only have been applauded for her calm and intelligent answer, but would have used the absurdity of his attack against him.

3. Breathe and control the subject.

Once people have decided how they want to bully you, they play out their hand. If you can dodge the force of their ambush, you then are granted, by the surrounding listeners, permission to change the subject and turn things in a different direction.

So how does this apply on the playground with children?

G-Pop thinks the best way to overcome bullying is to stay in teams. Bullies don’t like to attack more than one person at a time.

Then, when the bully attacks, use the force of his attack against him, with comrades standing nearby to support.

Then breathe and go find help by changing the subject to solution instead of conflict.

G-Pop knows that some people are not satisfied with mere resolution, but instead, would love to heap revenge. Honestly, life takes care of that also.

If you take the stage and use the bully’s weight against him and control the subject, you will embarrass your attacker, giving permission to the masses around you to mop up the mess.

Yes, people will aid you and take care of the bully if you have the intelligence to know what to do when he or she comes.

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It had been nearly four years since I had been visited by the common curse of a cold. Even though I am around thousands of people who tote germs like little six-year-olds carrying backpacks to the first day of school, I am blessed with an immune system which bunkers me in safely to health.

That is, until I spent four days living in the same house with my children and grandchildren over Christmas. I followed this toxic exposure with a 900-mile drive to Houston, Texas.

So sometime on Thursday, right after I ate my Subway sandwich, the left side of my throat began to itch and tickle, radiating up to my ear.

I knew what this meant. I attempted denial, but when the right side of my throat joined the party, I knew I was in the first throes of incubating a common one.

I wanted to do a good job. I know everybody says that, but I like to use my talents at full speed, full throttle and full passion. They are my arsenal–to apologize for a mug that couldn’t win a beauty contest versus a coffee cup.

I was about seventy per cent. So what was I going to do?

Obviously, play to my strengths. For instance, talking is easier than singing.

Also, address the three demons that attempt to invade our foxhole in the midst of battle:

We made a mistake. We do that every once in a while … just to maintain an obvious profile of needful humility.

On Thursday night we told two ladies where we were going to be on Friday night, but unfortunately, the information we gave to them was incorrect. And also, the starting time of the event was actually a half-an-hour earlier. We didn’t do this to be mean or evasive–we did this because it was our time to establish our quorum of stupidity. When we returned to our motel room we realized our error, but it was too late because we didn’t know who the ladies were or how to get ahold of them.

Move ahead to Friday evening. I was about half-way through our program, in front of the delightful and inspiring folks of Port Charlotte, Florida, when in walked those two charming women whom we had accidently misled. Even though I was singing a song at the time, I had to chuckle in my spirit. I started thinking about what these two individuals had gone through to actually find out where we were, arrive and come through those back doors. First they went to the wrong church, sat in a dark parking lot, coming to the conclusion that this must not be the place. Then, checking all of their GPS information, they came up with the correct location, only to arrive and find that the program had already begun because we told them the wrong time. What remarkable human beings.

So after the program, when I was at my book table, they came up and were so gracious about the whole event that it nearly brought tears to my eyes. As they were about to leave, one of the pair whispered across the table to me.

“And by the way … you’re not ugly.”

Now that might seem like a strange statement unless you understand that in my program I make it clear to the audience that I am not a physically attractive person and being beautiful is not my aspiration. I’ve never had any problem with that. Actually, I’m quite amused with desperate candidates who are always trying to win the beauty contest of life. I work on my love of people, my talent and my flexibility much more than I do my appearance. I’m not ugly–I’m just homely. “Homely” is about two fewer bumps and bruises from ugly, and about a mile and a half down the road from good-looking.

It has actually done me well. For in my case, all the Monica Lewinsky‘s I have encountered have actually wanted to be an intern to my ministry and business–to learn what I know instead of desiring to give me a personal “inter-office memo.” You see, that’s good stuff. (One of the easier ways to avoid sexual misconduct is to be a whole lot less sexually attractive. Then you never have to find out if you’d actually slip-slide away…)

So when she said that to me–“you’re not ugly”–I laughed. She was so sweet and gentle, but it just doesn’t make a whole lot of difference to me. What did register on my awareness scale was her and her friend–making such a noble effort to reconnect with us and spend a few more minutes together before our earth passages end.

Don’t give up on humanity. You may feel free to turn your back on organizations and those who have incorporated their ideas into a cement block–but don’t ever give up on people. For I will tell you two certain things right now: (1) Never over-estimate the willingness of any system to actually adapt to what needs to be done; and (2) never underestimate the power of an individual (or in this case, two) who want to overcome the dorkiness of a system.

There you go. Oh, and I thought of a third one:

By the way … you’re not ugly.

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Jonathan wrote the gospel/blues anthem, Spent This Time, in 1985, in Guaymas, Mexico. Take a listen:

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To see books written by Jonathan, click the link below! You can peruse and order if you like!

Recently in a moment of weakness–or boredom–I tuned in a beauty pageant. I viewed a few moments of the broadcast. It was near the end, when they were announcing the winner. This one girl received the honor (or perhaps I should say distinction) of being the third runner up–the third most attractive person in the room. I watched her with great curiosity as she stepped forward to receive her sash. No crown. Just a piece of cheap cloth draped around her, with “Third Runner-Up” inscribed.

It got me musing over the journey this dear person had taken to reach this point. Consider–she obviously was the most attractive person in her whole family. All the other women anywhere near her who were related to her in any way, shape or form were in constant lust over her beauty–so much so that they encouraged her to compete in her local community’s festival of beauty-something-or-other. Gloriously, she was considered by the judges in THAT contest to be the most beautiful girl amongst many families–in the entire town! And this took her to a county competition and to a state-wide event. In all cases she was deemed to be the “fairest of all.” Tears were shed over both her success and her extreme qualities of attractiveness. Then … she came here, to this national platform, and discovered there were two people in the room more gorgeous than herself.

It reminds me of the joke about running a race in the Olympics and coming in last. You had to train just as much as the guy who came in first, ate a ridiculously restricted diet, went to bed early, got up early and traveled a great distance–to end up eating the dust of the entire mob–the joke being that you could have skipped all the pain and still have come in last.

Everybody takes their turn.

I had a delightful conversation last night in Reidsville, North Carolina, with a man who told me about a banquet he attends every Christmas season which is held in honor of a local home for individuals who have befallen tragedy, difficulty, or for whatever reason, are unwanted. He told me there was a fellow there who had contorted features–barely able to speak an audible word–had lost many fingers off his hands and could scarcely move without jerking and convulsing. My friend telling the story introduced an interesting word in describing the gentleman–he said he was “grotesque.” Now, he didn’t mean it to be critical, but rather as a way to accentuate the true point of the story. For he related that about halfway through the event, someone handed this seemingly unfortunate fellow a microphone and from his position of destitution, he sang in a beautiful baritone voice, “O Holy Night”–to the amazement and weeping of all who attended.

He had been transformed from grotesque to beautiful.

All of us do that. I realize every day of my life that to some people I meet–because their standards are set at a certain level–my personage may be a bit grotesque. Knowing this and refusing to be in denial, I have worked on other parts of my package to deliver me the opportunity to be beautiful. Because everybody is going to take a turn. You may be beautiful in one auditorium and in the next one end up third runner-up, and even by some people’s standards who are very picky, a bit grotesque. If you aren’t prepared for the fickleness of humanity, you will soon resent those around you who make split-second judgments without thinking about the consequences.

It’s not so much that beauty is skin deep or that beauty is merely “in the eye of the beholder”–it’s more that we are what we are and sometimes it’s insufficient physically, so if we don’t keep our emotions pure, our spirits youthful and our minds clear, we won’t have any true beauty to fall back on. Just like that girl, you may think you’ve achieved a certain level of irresistibility that cannot go unrecognized by the masses.