Archives for February 2014

You don’t see many black faces among the athletes vying for medals at the Winter Olympics.

For almost 90 years, the winter Olympics had appeared as mostly exclusionary events when it came to advancing black athletes.

Sports writers have noted that not since 1976, when Tai Babilonia became the first Winter Olympian of African-American heritage, did we see a greater movement toward ethnic diversity among members of the U.S. Team. And these black Winter Olympians do not disappoint.

In 1980, American bobsledders Willie Davenport and Jeff Gadley became the first black men to compete in a Winter Olympic game. Eight years later, in Calgary, ice skater Debi Thomas, a Stanford University student, became the first black Winter Olympian to win a medal, bringing home the bronze. In 2010, speed skater Shani Davis took home the gold in Vancouver in the 1,000 meter race.

So it is worth making a big deal out of the silver and bronze medals won Wednesday by the U.S. women’s bobsled teams.

Team pilot Elana Meyers and brakeman Lauryn Williams took the Olympic silver at the Sochi winter games. On the other sled, teammates Jamie Greubel as the pilot and Aja Evans, the brakeman will bring home the bronze. It was Meyer’s second time at the winter Olympics; teammate Lauryn Williams also competed before Olympic crowds, but in the summertime.

When it comes to this Olympic victory, there was plenty of history to savor. It was the first time two U.S. women’s bobsleds medaled at the Olympics. Meyers became the first American woman with two bobsled medals.

And Williams, whose entire bobsled career spans about six months, is now the fifth Olympian to medal in different events at both summer and winter Games. Her bobsledding silver adds to the gold medal she won in 2012 in London for the sprint relay and a silver in 2004 she won in Athens for the 100-meter race.

May 1829: A Sale Bill poster used to advertise a public auction of slaves in the West Indies. (Photo by Hulton Archive/Getty Images

by Sven Beckert and Seth Rockman -Bloomberg View

Bloomberg View: When the New York City banker James Brown tallied his wealth in 1842, he had to look far below Wall Street to trace its origins. His investments in the American South exceeded $1.5 million, a quarter of which was directly bound up in the ownership of slave plantations.

Brown was among the world’s most powerful dealers in raw cotton, and his family’s firm, Brown Brothers & Co., served as one of the most important sources of capital and foreign exchange to the U.S. economy. Still, no small amount of his time was devoted to managing slaves from the study of his Leonard Street brownstone in Lower Manhattan.

Brown was hardly unusual among the capitalists of the North. Nicholas Biddle’s United States Bank of Philadelphia funded banks in Mississippi to promote the expansion of plantation lands. Biddle recognized that slave-grown cotton was the only thing made in the U.S. that had the capacity to bring gold and silver into the vaults of the nation’s banks. Likewise, the architects of New England‘s industrial revolution watched the price of cotton with rapt attention, for their textile mills would have been silent without the labor of slaves on distant plantations.

The story we tell about slavery is almost always regional, rather than national. We remember it as a cruel institution of the southern states that would later secede from the Union. Slavery, in this telling, appears limited in scope, an unfortunate detour on the nation’s march to modernity, and certainly not the engine of American economic prosperity.

Yet to understand slavery’s centrality to the rise of American capitalism, just consider the history of an antebellum Alabama dry-goods outfit called Lehman Brothers or a Rhode Island textile manufacturer that would become the antecedent firm of Berkshire Hathaway Inc.

Reparations lawsuits (since dismissed) generated evidence of slave insurance policies by Aetna and put Brown University and other elite educational institutions on notice that the slave-trade enterprises of their early benefactors were potential legal liabilities. Recent state and municipal disclosure ordinances have forced firms such as JPMorgan Chase & Co. and Wachovia Corp. to confront unsettling ancestors on their corporate family trees.

Such revelations are hardly surprising in light of slavery’s role in spurring the nation’s economic development. America’s “take-off” in the 19th century wasn’t in spite of slavery; it was largely thanks to it. And recent research in economic history goes further: It highlights the role that commodified human beings played in the emergence of modern capitalism itself.

The U.S. won its independence from Britain just as it was becoming possible to imagine a liberal alternative to the mercantilist policies of the colonial era. Those best situated to take advantage of these new opportunities — those who would soon be called “capitalists” — rarely started from scratch, but instead drew on wealth generated earlier in the robust Atlantic economy of slaves, sugar and tobacco. Fathers who made their fortunes outfitting ships for distant voyages begat sons who built factories, chartered banks, incorporated canal and railroad enterprises, invested in government securities, and speculated in new financial instruments.

This recognizably modern capitalist economy was no less reliant on slavery than the mercantilist economy of the preceding century. Rather, it offered a wider range of opportunities to profit from the remote labor of slaves, especially as cotton emerged as the indispensable commodity of the age of industry.

In the North, where slavery had been abolished and cotton failed to grow, the enterprising might transform slave-grown cotton into clothing; market other manufactured goods, such as hoes and hats, to plantation owners; or invest in securities tied to next year’s crop prices in places such as Liverpool and Le Havre. This network linked Mississippi planters and Massachusetts manufacturers to the era’s great financial firms: the Barings, Browns and Rothschilds.

A major financial crisis in 1837 revealed the interdependence of cotton planters, manufacturers and investors, and their collective dependence on the labor of slaves. Leveraged cotton — pledged but not yet picked — led overseers to whip their slaves to pick more, and prodded auctioneers to liquidate slave families to cover the debts of the overextended.

The plantation didn’t just produce the commodities that fueled the broader economy, it also generated innovative business practices that would come to typify modern management. As some of the most heavily capitalized enterprises in antebellum America, plantations offered early examples of time-motion studies and regimentation through clocks and bells. Seeking ever-greater efficiencies in cotton picking, slaveholders reorganized their fields, regimented the workday, and implemented a system of vertical reporting that made overseers into managers answerable to those above for the labor of those below.

The perverse reality of a capitalized labor force led to new accounting methods that incorporated (human) property depreciation in the bottom line as slaves aged, as well as new actuarial techniques to indemnify slaveholders from loss or damage to the men and women they owned. Property rights in human beings also created a lengthy set of judicial opinions that would influence the broader sanctity of private property in U.S. law.

So important was slavery to the American economy that on the eve of the Civil War, many commentators predicted that the North would kill “its golden goose.” That prediction didn’t come to pass, and as a result, slavery’s importance to American economic development has been obscured.

But as scholars delve deeper into corporate archives and think more critically about coerced labor and capitalism — perhaps informed by the current scale of human trafficking — the importance of slavery to American economic history will become inescapable.

(Sven Beckert and Seth Rockman, historians at Harvard University and Brown University respectively, are co-editing “Slavery’s Capitalism: A New History of American Economic Development,” to be published by University of Pennsylvania Press in 2013. The opinions expressed are their own.)

History is all around us. And it’s not just confined inside the walls of museums. It’s on our streets and bridges, inside our buildings and even in our sports stadiums.

Every day, we walk by the very places where people suffered, marched, fought and demonstrated. And although we picture the images in our mind’s eye, we can never truly imagine what it was like to be there.

In honor of Black History Month, The Huffington Post has created these images of major events in American history that took place on streets, stadiums and bridges we use every day.

Edmund Pettus Bridge

Forty-nine years ago, the Edmund Pettus Bridge was the site of a horrific attack on some 600 civil rights demonstrators, traveling from Selma to Montgomery. George Wallace, Alabama governor at the time, ordered state and local police to stop the march on grounds of public safety, and the group was confronted by authorities armed with billy clubs and tear gas in what infamously became known as “Bloody Sunday.”

The riots lasted for five days, starting in the southern part of the city and eventually spreading to parts of the Los Angeles metropolitan area. More than 60 people lost their lives during the looting and the fires and hundreds of businesses were burned to the ground, including the Trak Auto store on Washington Boulevard near Norton photographed above. Today, a teriyaki restaurant and fish restaurant stand in its place.

The stadium was slowly evacuated and cleaned in the months after the hurricane, and today the city’s beloved Saints football team plays there once again.

Credit: Mario Tama/Getty Images

March On Washington

On August 28, 1963, more than 240,000 Americans traveled to Washington, D.C., for “The March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom.” The demonstration marked a pivotal moment in U.S. history, etched in history books as the event where Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his historic “I Have A Dream” speech, which went on to become acknowledged as the best political speech of the 20th century.

Lorraine Hansberry’s A Raisin in the Sun first debuted on Broadway in 1959, and tackled taboo issues of the time, including racial segregation, class issues, and poverty in the inner city.

The story is based upon a black family’s experiences in Chicago as they attempt to purchase a home and integrate into a white neighborhood.

Today, A Raisin in the Sun is being revived on Broadway, helmed by director Kenny Leon, with a stellar cast including Oscar winner Denzel Washington, LaTanya Richardson, Anika Noni Rose, Sophie Okonedo, and Sean Patrick Thomas.

In an interview with theGrio’s Chris Witherspoon, cast members from A Raisin in the Sun discussed the play’s relevancy some fifty years later, in light of hot-button issues like Florida’s “Stand Your Ground” self-defense law.

“It’s shocking that’s still going on,” Thomas said. “These idiots in Florida that are just still so afraid of black people… that’s what this play is about. This family is about to move into a white neighborhood and they’re terrified… they’re afraid. They feel like whatever they say and whatever they do justifies their behavior because they’re afraid.”

“It’s the same thing in Florida,” Thomas continued. “These people are irrationally afraid and they’re marching around with their guns and they think that gives them an excuse to just kill black boys.”

“I think that a lot of us think that the play is no longer relevant…and then you realize that it’s quite relevant,” Rose added. “Not so much people being held out of a neighborhood because of race necessarily, although that still does happen and we still have children being killed just because of the way that they look and the color of their skin… but because of the economic situation that is going on.”

Leon, who directed the 2004 Broadway revival of A Raisin in the Sun, says that Hansberry’s production is the “play that keeps on giving.”

Leon says that the play will cause viewers to question the status of the American dream.

“Where do we stand in terms of the future for young African-American men?” Leon asks.

“When you see Travis in our play [played by Bryce Jenkins], you will see the man in him. You will see the Trayvon Martin in him.”

“This particular time the play will resonate on a much deeper, richer level.”

Previews for A Raisin in the Sun begin March 8 and the show officially opens April 3 for a 14-week limited engagement through June 15.

Don’t miss the opportunity to nominate yourself or someone you know who embodies the BLACK ENTERPRISE entrepreneurial spirit. Call for entries are now open for two highly anticipated annual events, the Black Enterprise Small Business Awards and the Black Enterprise Entrepreneurs Conference Elevator Pitch Competition, respectively. Each year, Black Enterprise seeks out entrepreneurs who have what it takes to cultivate a idea into a viable business and to t hen grow that small a small company into to sizeable and profitable enterprise.

Now in its 19th year, the Black Enterprise Small Business Awards honors African American entrepreneurs who demonstrate the tenacity and strategic thinking needed to thrive in the midst of adversity. The winners of the Small Business Awards will be announced at the Black Enterprise Entrepreneurs Conference + Expo (May 14-17, 2014, Hyatt Regency, Columbus, Ohio), hosted by Nationwide Insurance, during a special awards luncheon on May 15.

TDJ Enterprises’ CEO T.D. Jakes will serve as the featured headliner at this year’s Small Business Awards Luncheon. Jakes will also hold a major book signing event for his highly anticipated new book Instinct: The Power to Unleash Your Unborn Drive, in the Deal Makers Expo.

Highly sought after nominees are companies and individuals who bring new products to the forefront, redefining sales strategies, and discovering new and profitable markets. Nominations are being solicited for awards in the following categories:

Innovator of the Year-This award is given to the business flourishing in an innovative industry or those approaching business/entrepreneurship in a groundbreaking manner via their products and/or services.

Family Business of the Year -This award is presented to a family-operated business (includes husband-and-wife business owners) that exemplifies the combined experience and expertise needed to excel in a key industry.

Franchise Owner of the Year- This award is presented to a franchisee for outstanding performance and overall contribution in enhancing the growth and development of the franchising industry.

Teenpreneur of the Year – This award recognizes entrepreneurs, age 19 or under, committed to the tradition of black business achievement.

All entries and nominations for the Black Enterprise Small Business Awards must be received by March 31, 2014. To enter and for nomination requirements, visit BlackEnterprise.com/ec and click “Awards.”

Entries are also being solicited for the 2014 Entrepreneurs Conference Elevator Pitch Competition. Once again, Black Enterprise is soliciting video submissions of business pitches from entrepreneurs across the nation. Those pitches will be evaluated by a panel of Black Enterprise small business content leaders to identify the top finalists.

The top 10 finalists will be invited to the Entrepreneurs Conference + Expo to pitch their idea before a live audience to a panel of judges, including private investors and celebrity entrepreneurs. The grand prize for the best business pitch is $10,000.

All Elevator Pitch Competition entries must be received through video submissions by March 31, 2014. To enter, and for official contest and on-site competition rules, go to BlackEnterprise.com/ec and click “Elevator Pitch.”

Track star Lauryn Williams is the first American woman and the fifth athlete to medal in both the Summer and Winter Olympics after winning a silver medal in the women’s two-person bobsled at the Sochi Games on Wednesday.

Williams joined the sport only seven months ago. The 30-year-old track and field sprinter of Trinidadian decent competes internationally for the United States. She previously won gold as part of the women’s 4×100 relay in the 2012 London Games as well as a silver medal in the 100 meters at the 2004 Games in Athens.

“I didn’t come here to make history,” Williams said, as reported at TeamUSA.org. “I came here to help Team USA, and I feel like I did the best I could. I’m just happy to be here, and it wasn’t about history for me.”

Had Williams won gold, she would have become the first woman and only the second athlete ever to win a gold medal in the Olympic Winter and Summer Games. Eddie Eagan is the only other American to medal in both Olympics, winning gold in boxing in 1920 and in the four-man bobsled in 1932.

Chicago native and former Illinois track star Aja Evans took bronze in the women’s two-person bobsled, giving the US two medals in a bobsled event for the first time in history. A former Big Ten shot put champion, Evans also was a sprinter.

“You go into the competition setting goals for yourself, and the ultimate goal is to win gold,” Evans said. “But you go in with nothing, so to come out with a bronze, you’ve reached a goal, you’ve achieved a lot. I’m just as excited as if I’ve won gold.”

Track star Lolo Jones finished in 11th place. Jones, a two-time Olympic hurdler, joined Williams as the ninth and 10th American athletes to compete in both the Summer and Winter Olympic Games.

The U.S. is the only nation to medal in every women’s bobsled Olympic event since the discipline made its debut at the 2002 Salt Lake City Games. Jill Bakken and Vonetta Flowers won the inaugural women’s bobsled race in 2002, with Flowers becoming the first African-American ever to win a gold medal at the Winter Games.

It may not sound like it, but in a healthy body inflammation is actually a good thing that protects and heals. However, if chronic inflammation persists in the body it can damage healthy tissue and lead to other serious conditions like obesity, hypertension, cancer and even heart disease.

Not all foods are created equal and studies show that certain foods can make an already bad situation worse. Stop aggravating your body and start lowering your risk of inflammation by cutting back on these five foods.

1. Vegetable oils Oils like soy, sunflower, corn, cottonseed and mixed vegetable are rich in omega-6 fatty acids and consuming too many increases your risk of inflammation. Try extra virgin olive oil, which is full of omega-3 fatty acids that are good for you.

2. Processed cheeses Skip processed cheeses, like American, and go with natural, hard cheeses. These typically have more flavor and less sodium, a win-win.

3. Pre-seasoned foods and seasonings Most commercial brand seasonings are high in sodium and it’s been said that a high sodium to potassium ratio in your diet can create a negative inflammatory response. Fresh is best, so season your foods with fresh or dried herbs like sage, basil and thyme.

4. Sugar-added cereals Foods high in sugar are inflammation’s playground! Instead of having a sugary cereal for breakfast, go for one that’s low-sugar, high-fiber. An even better option is steel cut oatmeal.

5. Fatty meats If you have a diet high in saturated animal fats like burgers, bacon, hot dogs and ribs, try incorporating more omega-3 superfoods like salmon, tuna, beans and nuts.

As with most things, moderation is key. You don’t have to give up your favorite foods completely, or all at once. Like they say, when you know better, you do better. In this case, you’ll FEEL better, too.

When I was a little girl I would say, “Grandma, my tummy hurts!” and she would reply, “You need to eat more fiber little girl.” She would load me up on oatmeal, fruit and a lot of vegetables. The next morning, I was back to my old busy body self. Still to this day I’m a huge fan of fiber!

If you’re looking to shed some pounds, research has shown that by adding fiber-rich foods to your diet you can speed up weight loss and more importantly, keep the pounds from coming back.

Dietary fiber is one of the three main types of carbohydrates. You can find fiber in all edible plant-based foods, including fruits, vegetables, whole grains, nuts and beans. It consists of insoluble and soluble fiber.

Insoluble fiber doesn’t dissolve in water, and creates softer and bulkier stools to keep you regular. While soluble fiber dissolves in water and absorbs water in the intestines, it also stabilizes your sugar levels and keeps you feeling full.

How Much Should You Eat?

Fiber is one of the easiest nutrients to incorporate into your diet. However, most Americans still don’t get the recommended daily 25 to 30 grams. Recent stats show we are only consuming on an average 15 grams per day. As a Health and Fitness Expert, I suggest aiming for at least 8 grams at breakfast, 6 grams at lunch and dinner and 3 grams in snacks per serving.

Generally, when people hear the word fiber they automatically associate it with feeling full after meals. However, both types of fiber play an important role in the prevention of chronic diseases and weight loss.

An adequate intake of fiber can lower your risk of developing heart disease by lowering both blood cholesterol and blood pressure. It also helps prevent type 2 diabetes and improves blood sugar levels by slowing the body’s absorption of sugar.

In a nutshell, the more fiber you eat, the more weight you will lose. Combing this with exercise also aids in muscle recovery. Words of caution: You may not want to load up before you workout. Fiber-rich foods will get your bowels moving. Give your body enough time to digest fiber-rich foods or if you are in a time crunch, avoid them before hitting the gym. Almonds, yogurt or a banana are a great pre-workout snack options that will hold you over.

Cross-cultural relationships bring with them new experiences that may have been foreign to you before. While they are usually beautiful, exciting and eye-opening, they come with their share of hardships and misunderstandings as well. Making families mesh and understand one another when they come from two completely different backgrounds isn’t always the easiest thing.

There are many defining moments in inter-cultural relationships that allow you to both appreciate each other’s differences… and just how thrilling those differences can turn out to be. For those of you who are already in the cultural thick of it (so to speak), you probably know these moments all too well.

1. Learning how to express love (and other stuff) in different languages.

Your partner asks you how to say “hello,” “I love you” and those other four letter words in your specific language. You gladly walk them through every one, syllable for syllable.

2. Coming to terms with the fact that sometimes you won’t understandeverything that’s happening.

Language barriers can be a very real problem when trying to communicating efficiently with your future in-laws. (In the meantime, smiles and thumbs-ups all around.)

3. Having conversations about the topic of culture and how it plays into your relationship.

This usually consists of questions such as: are your parents cool with you dating someone outside of your own culture? Are you? Have you ever actually dated anyone from a different culture? Am I your first?

4. Tasting your way through new cuisine.

You try some traditional dishes from your partner’s native cuisine that you’ve never even heard of. And it’s like, “Okay, I trust you and I love you, so I’ll eat this. But first, what is this exactly?”

5. Having serious conversations about religion … or lack thereof.

You may realize you have conflicting ideologies, and that a “who’s going to convert to what” conversation may be plausible in the very near future.

6. Celebrating completely new good times.

You get to discover new holidays! Turns out you love a party even if you have no idea who and/or what is being celebrated.

7. Tapping into cultural idiosyncrasies.

Every country and culture has its own superstitions, sayings and proverbs. (For example: Your may not be sure why we have to sit down on the floor for thirty seconds before we get on a plane, but you love that we do.)

8. Receiving compliments and predictions on how cute your kids will be.

Because someone will eventually (definitely) tell you (however preemptively and awkwardly) how adorable your “mixed babies” will be.

9. Learning an entirely new language. Well, kind of.

You may just start telling people that you are, because you can now understand the small talk in your partner’s phone conversations.

10. Stereotyping. From outsiders, from insiders and sometimes from yourselves.

You face the stereotypes about each other head on, so you can defy them together, joke about them together and even playfully toss them at each other (but only with each other — outsiders are not welcome to poke fun, sorry).

11. Traveling to and discovering new places = the best.

You visit each other’s respective home countries/towns and are pleasantly introduced to things you never thought you’d see, do, smell, taste and feel.

12. Planning future nuptials can be tricky.

Choosing a future wedding destination may actually be the most stressful decision you’ve ever had to make. (What place is special enough to both of us but also equidistant for both of our families to travel to?)

13. Rooting for two different teams during the Olympics.

This applies to basically every world sporting event that exists. During the Olympics and World Cup, your significant other is the enemy. Just playin’… kind of, sort of… not really. Hey, it keeps the excitement alive!

14. And lastly, proudly telling the haters they can leave. Bye.

Someone will eventually give you the disapproving stink-eye as they walk by the two of you. But you don’t give two hoots about their thoughts on your relationship because you’re a team now, a progressive cultural force to be reckoned with, and they (*cough* the haters *cough*) can take their old-school close-mindedness elsewhere, right?

Meanwhile, you’re over here just being in love and learning something new almost every single day. So boop, haters be gone!

After writing “I’m Guilty of These 5 Parenting Mistakes (And You Probably Are, Too),” I knew that I needed to write a post that pays homage to the major muck-ups that I make as a wife. Maybe I’ll also blog about the mistakes that I make as a rainbow loom maker, Turbo Tax user and fitted sheet folder. Seriously, when it comes to mistakes, I’m experienced on how to make them in all areas.

My husband and I have been together for 12 years. It’s sometimes hard to believe that if our relationship were a person it would be in the seventh grade, donning shiny braces and saying asinine things like “cray cray” and “totes.”

Like all relationships, we’ve had our ups and downs. We’ve had arguments that ended with slamming doors and Michelin tires screeching down the driveway. We’ve declared our love and apologies over the phone once our tempers and transmissions cooled down. We’ve talked out our problems until the sun came up or one of husband’s farts lightened the mood. We’ve prayed together, cried together, laughed together and gotten food poisoning together after eating disgusting undercooked burgers doused in Heinz 57.

Most importantly, we have prevailed. We have persevered. We are raising two unbelievable children (despite our parenting mistakes), and we both have the same vision of someday pointing our rocking chairs towards the west, watching our grandchildren score major grass stains on the lawn and sharing Glucosamine and Chondroitin supplements.

However, as a wife, I make mistakes. And I make them often. I don’t need other wives telling me what mistakes I make, because I’m aware of them. You don’t need me telling you what mistakes you make, either, but you probably make these.

1. R-E-S-P-E-C-T

I sometimes forget that my husband is my husband. He’s been around for so long that it seems like he’s just some dude leaving crumbs of Wavy Lays on the couch and dirty boxers on the floor right next to the hamper. I forget that he’s a hard worker, a wonderful provider and a loving father. I forget that sometimes my sarcasm and jokes hit below the belt. I forget that my job as his wife is to encourage him, compliment him, value him and support him. I often forget that he deserves my utmost respect.

2. Let’s Get It On

I’m tired. I’m tired a lot. By 9 p.m., the only things on my mind are folding the laundry, putting the kids’ snacks in their backpacks, locking the doors, feeding the malnourished fish, setting the clocks, brushing my teeth, lotioning my ashy elbows and getting into the bed to watch a show that does NOT involve animated pirates, sappy music while Danny Tanner resolves an issue, restoring cars or selling rare finds at a Las Vegas pawn shop. I want to relax and heave a collected sigh of relief that the day is done. I have no desire to play birds and bees. But, by God, men need it. They might just implode if they don’t get it. My husband is just as in need as the hungry Beta Fish. I often forget that I’m the one that must meet the need, whether or not I’m in the need-meeting mood.

3. Nothing Compares 2 U

Since the day my first child was born in 2006, she has been my reason for living. When her brother came along in 2010, he ranked right next to her on my priorities list. My children’s happiness and well-being far trumps anything in my life. Sometimes their needs trump my husband’s happiness and well-being. Date night shouldn’t solely be about my SAHM batteries recharging and how many margaritas I can consume before it’s time to go home. It should be about refreshing our relationship. I often forget that my husband needs my attention, my encouragement and my admiration as much as, if not more than, my children.

4. Control

I may make a ton of mistakes, but I know how to properly load a dishwasher. I also know how to hang a picture where it will be the most aesthetically pleasing in our home. I can discipline a kid and cook a meatloaf and I can pick out window treatments. I don’t need help in any of these areas, but my husband sometimes thinks that he should deposit two pennies into those accounts. Before I even hear his suggestion on how to cram more dishes into the dishwasher or where to hang the portrait or how to spice up dinner, I shoot him down (see no. 1, R-E-S-P-E-C-T). Sometimes I make him think that his idea is the worst idea since Miley Cyrus squatted on a wrecking ball. I often forget that my husband has pretty good ideas and although I’ll never admit it to him, that picture would look better over the mantle.

5. Pretty Woman

I once sent my husband the most brutally honest text message: “Let me know what time you’ll be home so I can get out of my pajamas and appear to have been productive today.” Some days the extent of my beauty regimen is brushing my teeth and popping the zit on my chin. If it’s a particularly cold day, I refuse to wear anything that didn’t come from the Gap Athletic Wear Collection. (FYI — you don’t have to actually be athletic to wear athletic wear). But, I know my husband appreciates it when I look nice. He never fails to tell me that I look beautiful when I’ve cleaned up and accessorized with scarves and dangly earrings. Some women like to believe that “inner beauty” is all a man needs. Newsflash — it’s not. Inner beauty is a wonderful, pure, lovely, noble thing. But a man also appreciates a nice-looking woman. I’m not saying that all women should morph into June Cleaver and mop Kool-Aid from the floor while wearing stilettos, but I often forget that removing eye boogers, washing the Crisco from my hair and trading the yoga pants for regular clothes once in a while is a step in the right direction.

Some days I feel as if I’ve really mucked up the whole wife-y thing. I rudely rolled my eyes at my husband, I didn’t pat him on the back when he really needed it, I put my own needs and my children’s needs before his. And the guilt sets in because I’ve got a really good man — he’s faithful, he’s hard-working, he’s kind, he’s easy-going. Watching him interact with our children still melts my heart and makes me smile.

I often forget to do the right thing in our marriage, but I’ll never forget how much I love my husband. That love is what fuels my desire to be better. That love is what makes me better today than yesterday. That love is the same love that will be in my heart when we rock on our back porch and watch our children and grandchildren. That love will be there when I forget to buy him Miralax or put tennis balls on his walker. I’ll always make mistakes, but that love will always remain.