With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
NJ man arrested after he pretended to be a cop and
pulled over a real cop.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 31, in
1687 The first Huguenots set sail from France for the Cape of
Good Hope, where they would later create the South African
wine industry with the vines they took with them on the
voyage.
History
______________________________________________________
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns
on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
--- Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977)
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius
has its limits.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Two men were playing golf together for the very first time.
The first player teed off and hit the ball into a clump of
trees. He finally got onto the fairway, only to hit the ball
into a water hazard. The next shot resulted in a new ball
flying over a fence onto a busy street.
The second player said, "Maybe you should use an old ball
for this shot."
The first player replied, "I don't have any old balls."
______________________________________________________
An FBI agent was talking to a bank teller after the bank had
been robbed for the third time by the same bandit. "Did you
notice anything special about the man?" he asked.
"Yes, he seems to be better dressed each time," the teller
replied.
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Svend for this picture:
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
Reported by Walter, the Stonecarver.comAn INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Richard Goldrick,
68,
Nutley,
New Jersey
NJ man arrested after he pretended to be a cop and
pulled over a real cop.
A Nutley man, posing as a cop, was arrested by state
authorities after he allegedly attempted to stop an off-duty
Woodbridge Police Department sergeant.
Richard Goldrick, 68, of Nutley was arrested and charged
with attempting to impersonate a police officer.
PHOTO COURTESY OF NEW JERSEY STATE POLICE
Richard Goldrick, 68, of Nutley was arrested and charged
with attempting to impersonate a police officer.
Richard Goldrick, 68, was charged with impersonating a police
officer, possession of a weapon, and possession of false
government documents, according to a press release.
According to state police, on Monday, Dec. 21, at 7:15 p.m.,
Woodbridge police Sgt. Charles Stab was driving in his
personal vehicle northbound on the Garden State Parkway at
milepost 116 when Goldrick, driving a 2013 black Chevrolet
Suburban, pulled behind him, and activated emergency lights.
Stab then pulled over, believing the vehicle stopping him
was an undercover one.
However, once both vehicles were stopped, Goldrick shut off
his emergency lights and quickly drove away, police said.
Stab noticed that the incident was suspicious and was able
obtain a description of the suspect and a license plate
number, which he later provided to State Police detectives.
As a result, Goldrick was arrested by Troop "D" Criminal
Investigation Office detectives.
During an interview with Goldrick Tuesday, Dec. 22, at
Holmdel Station, police seized a .22 caliber handgun,
hollow point ammunition, and fraudulent documents from
inside his car.
He was arrested, charged and then lodged at Monmouth County
Jail in lieu of $52,000 full cash bail.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Marla
Re: How do I install a screensaver
Dear Webby,
I have read plenty about downloaded screensavers having a
hidden "payload" of adware, spyware and malware. I don't
want those. How do I install or set up the built in
screen savers, that you hinted at?
Marla
Dear Marla
First set up a folder for the pictures, that you want
featured in your screen saver, and move or copy those
pictures to there.
Next carefully double-check those pictures by browsing them
with a graphics program to make 100% sure that folder does
not contain any pictures, that you don't want shown while
your daughter or the minister are visiting.
Once you are sure the collection is safe,
Open Screen Saver Settings by clicking the Start button
clicking Control Panel,
clicking Appearance and Personalization,
clicking Personalization,
and then clicking Screen Saver.
Under Screen saver, in the drop-down list, click Photos.
(In some versions that is listed as Slide Show)
Click Settings to choose the folder you want used by your
slide show and select other options.
After you make your changes, for example how long a period
of inactivity will turn it on, whether you demand a password
when coming back, how long each picture is supposed to stay
on, etc.
click Save.
Click OK.
That's all there is to it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something
nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy
her a cell phone.
She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and
explains to her all the features on the phone.
The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings
and it's her husband
"Hi hun," he says, "how do you like your new phone?"
She replies, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is
clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though."
"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.
"How did you know I was at Walmart?"
"Just an educated guess."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Soothing a Sore Throat
This remedy was given to me by an Ear, Nose and Throat
doctor. To get immediate relief of a sore throat, eat Fritos
Corn chips and eat popsicles. You cannot gargle enough to
reach all the way down the throat that is sore.
I get a bag of Fritos and some popsicles and keep them in
the freezer until needed. It is not scratchy like you think
they would be. Also you can dissolve a chicken bullion cube
in cup of water in the microwave and drink when it cools.
By patricia laubscher [1]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
>From Pat in Oz
The weather was very hot and pastor Fred wanted desperately
to take a dive in a nearby lake. Having forgotten to pack a
swimming suit, he chose to skinny dip.
After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of middle-aged
ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of
the water and grabbed a bucket lying in the sand nearby. He strategically
positioned the bucket and sighed with relief.
The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to
move. Then one of the ladies said: "You know, I have a special gift,
I can read minds."
"Impossible," said the embarrassed pastor. "You can't really know what
I think!"
She said: "Yes, I do know. Right now I bet you think that the bucket you're
holding has a bottom."
___________________________________________________

Instagram husband
(for the record, this was shot in Springfield, Missouri, and David was in Skinny Improv with this guy - 4,000,000+ views in one day!)

____________________________________________________
A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. "If
you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body,
desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it.
"But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against
winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public
coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it."
"This is my position, and I will not compromise!"
____________________________________________________
"I understand, Doctor, that many husbands snore,"
said the young wife, "but you've got to help me stop mine.
He's a ventriloquist and snores on both sides of me at
the same time!"
____________________________________________________

Annual compilation of the Best of People Are Awesome for 2015.

Today, December 31, in
1687 The first Huguenots set sail from France for the Cape of
Good Hope, where they would later create the South African
wine industry with the vines they took with them on the
voyage.
1695 The window tax was imposed in Britain, which resulted
in many windows being bricked up.
1775 The British repulsed an attack by Continental Army generals
Richard Montgomery and Benedict Arnold at Quebec. Montgomery was
killed in the battle.
1857 Britain's Queen Victoria decided to make Ottawa the capital
of Canada.
1879 Thomas Edison gave his first public demonstration of
incandescent lighting to an audience in Menlo Park, NJ.
1891 New York's new Immigration Depot was opened at Ellis
Island, to provide improved facilities for the massive numbers
of arrivals.
1923 In London, the BBC first broadcast the chimes of Big Ben.
1929 Guy Lombardo and his Royal Canadians played "Auld Lang Syne"
as a New Year's Eve song for the first time.
1946 U.S. President Truman officially proclaimed the end of
hostilities in World War II.
1955 General Motors became the first U.S. corporation to earn
more than one billion dollars in a single year.
1960 The farthing coin, which had been in use in Great Britain
since the 13th century, ceased to be legal tender.
1974 Private U.S. citizens were allowed to buy and own gold
for the first time in more than 40 years.
1978 Taiwanese diplomats struck their colors for the final
time from the embassy flagpole in Washington, DC. The event
marked the end of diplomatic relations with the U.S.
1979 At year end oil prices were 88% higher than at the start
of 1979.
1986 A fire at the Dupont Plaza Hotel in San Juan, Puerto Rico,
killed 97 and injured 140 people. Three hotel workers later
pled guilty to charges in connection with the fire.
1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin resigned. Prime Minister
Vladimir Putin was designated acting president.
1999 Five hijackers left the airport where they had been holding
150 hostages on an Indian Airlines plane. They left with two
Islamic clerics that they had demanded be freed from an Indian
prison. The plane had been hijacked during a flight from Katmandu,
Nepal to New Dehli on December 24.
1999 Sarah Knauss died at the age of 119 years. She was the world's
oldest person. She was born September 24, 1880.
2004 In Taiwan, the Taipei 101 skyscraper opened to the public.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, December 30
Thank you, Lillemor and Gene!
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Wisconsin reading teacher arrested for having sex with
her 16-year-old student 12 times at high school
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 27, in
1853 The United States bought about 45,000 square miles of
land from Mexico in a deal known as the Gadsden Purchase.
History
______________________________________________________
If the fans don't wanna come out to the ballpark, no one can stop 'em.
--- Yogi Berra (1925 - )
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping
reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to
a tree, something is wrong.
--- George Carlin (1937 - 2008)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Here is part of the log from the Tech Support Pits
20 years ago:
CALLER: How come I get your Humor Letter a
whole bunch of times every day ?
DearWebby: How many different addresses do you have?
CALLER: Oh, I got lots!
DearWebby: Well, Ma'am, when somebody likes you,
they might give you a gift subscription to the Humor Letter,
and naturally they would give it to you at the address they
normally use to write to you. You can do the same.
CALLER: That is tooo COOL! You mean, the more gift
subscriptions I get, the more friends I have ?
DearWebby: Yes, and it also reminds you of how many
addresses you have.
CALLER: That is tooo COOL! I love this stuff!
DearWebby: If you like somebody, you can give them
a gift subscription. It's free.
CALLER: How do I do that ?
DearWebby: There is a link for that at the bottom of
the Humor Letter.
CALLER: That is tooo COOL! I can get even more friends
that way! They will probably get me a new gift subscription
too if I use a different address for each of them.
That is tooo COOL!
.....But, ....do I have to read each of them when I get so many?
DearWebby: No, not really. Just read those from your best
friends and imagine they are reading it to you.
CALLER: That is tooo COOL! You are cool! Thanks!
----------
Nowadays if you give somebody a gift subscription,
they have to approve. If they don't, they won't get one.
______________________________________________________
A young woman was suffering badly from hay fever. She was going
to a fancy dinner party that night and figured she would need at
least two handkerchiefs to get her through the evening. She
didn't have any pockets, so she stuffed them both in her bra.
Halfway through the night, she had already used up one
handkerchief and was rummaging around in her bra for the other
one. She was having trouble finding it, and soon she noticed
that everyone at the table was looking at her.
"What on earth are you doing?" asked one of her colleagues.
She replied, "I could have sworn I had two when I arrived!"
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
Reported by Walter, the Stonecarver.comAn INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
April Novak,
30,
Menomonee Falls,
Wisconsin
Wisconsin reading teacher arrested for having sex with
her 16-year-old student 12 times at high school
A Milwaukee-area high school reading teacher had sex with a
16-year-old male student in her classroom a dozen times,
officials said.
April Novak, 30, was charged with 12 felony counts of sexual
assault of a student by school staff Tuesday, a day after
her husband filed for divorce, according to court documents
cited by the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel.
Novak resigned from her job as a reading interventionist at
Menomonee Falls High School after police opened an
investigation earlier this month, officials with the School
District of Menomonee Falls said.
April Novak, 30, is charged with 12 felony counts of sexual
assault of a student by school staff.
Another teacher at the school alerted school administrators
Dec. 11, after seeing Novak and the teen embracing and
possibly kissing in her classroom, according to her
arresting documents.
Investigators believe the pair shared intercourse and oral
sex on school grounds starting in the middle of October.
Novak told detectives she understood the teen was underage
but said they had “very strong feelings for each other,”
the documents said. Police said she and the teen had agreed
to keep their relationship a secret.
Novak, who started working at the school in August 2013,
was incarcerated on a $100,000 bail, according to the
Journal Sentinel. She’ll face up to six years behind bars
and a fine of up to $10,000 for each count of sexual assault
if she’s convicted.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: DJ
Re: Can't install screensaver
Dear Webby,
I have windows7 and my screen saver will open but I can't
installl any saver.any clue?
DJ
Dear DJ
That is probably good. Almost all screen savers nowadays
have some adware or malware attached.
Just use the built in slide show screen saver, and let it
cycle through your vast stash of well dressed ladies, ahem
I mean nuns and prayers.
That is safe, and easier on your eyes anyway.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
Having trouble with the doctor's notes on an emergency case
which read, "Shot in the lumbar region," the new girl was
flustered and at her wit's end.
At last she thought she had it figured out and brightened
up as she typed up the record, "Wounded in the woods."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Shop Vac to Defrost a Box Freezer
I use a clean shop vac to remove all the water that
melts when I defrost our large box freezer. The shop vac
is quick and gets into corners where I can't reach. All
I have to do then is dry the freezer and replace the food.
Source: I thought of this when I was in a hurry and the
freezer needed defrosting.
By Iluv2nit [1]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
One night while Sue was cat-sitting her daughter's indoor feline,
it escaped outside. When it failed to return the following morning,
Sue found the beast clinging to a branch about 30 feet up in a
spindly tree.
Unable to lure it down, she called the fire department.
"We don't do that anymore," the woman dispatcher said.
When Sue persisted, she was polite but firm.
"The cat will come down when it gets hungry enough."
How do you know that?" I asked.
"Have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree?" she said.
Two hours later the cat was back, looking for breakfast.
___________________________________________________

Instagram husband
(for the record, this was shot in Springfield, Missouri, and David was in Skinny Improv with this guy - 4,000,000+ views in one day!)

____________________________________________________
The CEO was scheduled to give the keynote address at an
important convention so he asked one of his top employees
to write a punchy, 20 minute speech for him.
When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious.
"What's the idea of writing me an hour long speech?!" he
demanded. "Half the audience walked out before I was finished."
George was baffled.
"I wrote you a 20 minute speech," he replied. I also gave you
the two extra copies you asked for."
____________________________________________________
Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast.
Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband.
"Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from mother
saying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay,
as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that?
I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own
convenience. You did write, didn't you?"
"Er, yes, I did," said the husband. "But I couldn't spell
convenience, so I made it risk."
____________________________________________________

This Golden Eagle bit off more than he could chew.

Today, December 30, in
1460 At the Battle of Wakefield, in England's Wars of the
Roses, the Duke of York was defeated and killed by the
Lancastrians.
1853 The United States bought about 45,000 square miles of
land from Mexico in a deal known as the Gadsden Purchase.
1880 The Transvaal was declared a republic. Paul Kruger became
its first president.
1887 A petition to Queen Victoria with over one million names
of women appealing for public houses to be closed on Sundays
was handed to the home secretary.
1903 About 600 people died when fire broke out at the Iroquois
Theater in Chicago, IL.
1922 The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR) was formed.
1924 Edwin Hubble announced the existence of other galactic systems.
1927 The first subway in the Orient was dedicated in Tokyo, Japan.
1935 Italian bombers destroyed a Sweedish Red Cross unit in Ethiopia.
1936 The United Auto Workers union staged its first sit-down strike,
at the Fisher Body Plant in Flint, MI.
1940 California's first freeway was officially opened. It was the
Arroyo Seco Parkway connecting Los Angeles and Pasadena.
1944 King George II of Greece proclaimed a regency to rule his
country, virtually renouncing the throne.
1947 King Michael of Romania abdicated in favor of a Communist
Republic. He claimed he was forced from his throne.
1953 The first color TV sets went on sale for about $1,175.
1972 The United States halted its heavy bombing of North Vietnam.
1993 Israel and the Vatican established diplomatic relations.
1996 A passenger train was bombed by Bodo separatists in India's
eastern state of Assam. At least 26 people were killed and dozens
were seriously injured.
1996 About 250,000 striking workers shut down vital services
across Israel in protests against budget cuts proposed by Prime
Minister Netanyahu.
1997 More than 400 people were massacred in four villages in the
single worst incident during Algeria's insurgency.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Virginia woman was arrested after
being reported as dead by child
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 27, in
1170 St. Thomas ŕ Becket, the 40th archbishop of Canterbury,
was murdered in his own cathedral by four knights acting on
Henry II's orders.
History
______________________________________________________
We are the people our parents warned us about.
--- Jimmy Buffett
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
--- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963),
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Peter: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party
and you think he's really attractive, is it all right to come out
directly and ask him if he's married?
Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
--------------------------
Peter: Why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
______________________________________________________
Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail.
What will a goose do?
A: Make him bark?
______________________________________________________
I used to feature that picture as "Alaskans praying for spring".
Now Moe corrected me. It's a new Alaskan sect.
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
Reported by Walter, the Stonecarver.comAn INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Jennifer Lee Patrick,
32,
Crimora,
Virginia
Virginia woman was arrested after
being reported as dead by child
A Crimora woman is facing a felony charge for assault and
battery of a police officer after officials say she received
treatment for taking "several" prescription drugs.
First responders found Jennifer Lee Patrick, 32, at a carwash
after her 5-year-old son walked into a Waynesboro restaurant
and told the customers there he thought she was dead.
Waynesboro police say the boy had walked from Pinky’s Car Wash,
105 East Ave., to Weise’s Kitchen, 130 East Broad St., on Tuesday
seeking help for his mother who was in a vehicle with his
6-year-old brother.
When found, Patrick was unconscious but alive. The Waynesboro First
Aid Crew revived Patrick, who was "highly impaired and incoherent,"
said Waynesboro Police Sgt. Brian Edwards
Patrick allegedly told police she had taken several
prescription pills.
An officer arrested Patrick after notifying child protective
services, charging her with misdemeanor public intoxication
and contributing to the delinquency of a minor.
The children were released into the care of their father.
The officer then took Patrick to Augusta Health to be evaluated,
but while waiting to be examined she “became difficult to
manage,” kicking the officer and attempting to free herself
from custody, Edwards said. According to a press release,
medical personnel later examined and discharged Patrick from
Augusta Health.
“While the officer was escorting Patrick to his police car,
Patrick continued to flail, causing her pants to fall down,”
Edwards said. “She also grabbed the officer’s Taser and tried
to un-holster it.”
The officer attempted to stun the woman with the Taser,
which Edwards said had no effect on the woman, causing the
officer to use physical force to gain control of Patrick and
place her in his vehicle.
Patrick was charged with felony assault and battery of a
law enforcement officer and a misdemeanor charge of
obstruction of justice following the incident at Augusta
Health, Edwards said.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Paul
Re: Block Nigeria?
Dear Webby,
Would it be a good idea to block any mail, that mentions
Nigeria?
Pauline
Dear Pauline
It would be easy to do, but is not a good idea. If you do
that, and your daughter sends you an email telling you about
a Nigerian scam mail, it would getr blocked too.
And similar scams, that don't mention Nigeria, would get
through.
It is much safer to tell Mailwasher to flag mails, that
contain ".doc" and ".docx", for deleting.
If they are just flagged for deleting, you still hav a chance
to let them through if they are legit.
It COULD happen that a friend sends you an email that
contains Gramma's experiments with Microsoft Word.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
The band class was just getting under way when a large insect
flew into the room. The sixth-graders, eager to play their
shiny new instruments, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but
eventually one student, Tommy, could stand it no more. He rolled
up his music book and swatted the insect, then he stomped on it
to ensure its fate.
"Is it a bee?" another student asked.
"Nope," Tommy replied. "Bee flat."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Key Wind Chime
Take some old keys from long forgotten or lost padlocks,
wrecked and binned suitcases, your granny's replaced wooden
front door, and the key to untold riches which never quite
fitted the lock and make them bright and colorful. Tie them
and hang them to make beautiful music when the cold windy
weather would otherwise make you miserable.
Supplies:
an old stick, twig of a tree, a pencil, or a chopstick
gorgeous ribbons and braids
acrylic paint and a brush or nail varnish/polish
Steps:
Paint your keys. Nail varnish will work better than
acrylic paint.
You will need much patience waiting for several coats
to dry. See how I have recycled breakfast cereal packaging
to protect my work surface. This has a feel good effect
even if it doesn't do much to save the planet.
Tie ribbons and braids to the keys
Tie the other ends to your stick I used a spent raspberry
cane which worked nicely.
Tie a final cord for hanging
Dangle and enjoy.
By ShirleyE [47]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
A firefighter is at the station house working outside on the fire
truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a
little Red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. She is
wearing a Firefighter's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog.
The firefighter says, "Hey, little girl, whatcha doing?"
The little girl says, "I'm pretending to be a firefighter, and this
is my fire truck!"
The firefighter walks over to take a closer look. "Little girl, that
sure is a nice fire truck!" the firefighter says.
"Thanks, mister," says the little girl.
The firefighter looks a little closer and notices the little
girl has tied the tow rope to the dog's collar and the rein to
the dog's testicles.
"Little girl," says the firefighter, "I don't want to tell
you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that
second rope around the dog's neck, I think you could go faster."
The little girl says, "You're probably right, mister,
but then I wouldn't have a siren!"
___________________________________________________

cat nurses ducklings

____________________________________________________
A man walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting
at the end of it. She is so beautiful he cannot take his
mind off her, so he calls the bartender over and says,
"Take that woman a drink on me."
The bartender says, "It won't work."
"What do you mean, it won't work?"
"That woman," says the barkeep, "is a hard-hearted bitch.
You won't get nowhere with her - nobody does!"
"Okay," says the guy. "How about this: you got any Spanish fly?"
"Spanish fly? No," says the bartender, "I've got Jewish Fly."
"So, what the heck is Jewish fly?"
"I don't know; I've never used it. You want to give it a try?"
"Yes," says the guy, and the next chance he gets, on his way
to the men's room, he reaches behind her back and drops
the stuff in the woman's drink.
Nothing happens for a long time, but then all of a sudden
he feels her body close against his, and her voice is
whispering hotly in his ear, and she's saying
"I can't stand it anymore!
.......You excite me so much...
take me shopping!"
____________________________________________________
A young officer is working late at the Pentagon one evening.
As he comes out of his office about 8pm he sees a General
standing by the classified document shredder in the hallway,
a piece of paper in his hand.
"Do you know how to work this thing?" the General asks. "My
secretary's gone home and I don't know how to run it."
"Yes, sir," says the young officer, who turns on the machine,
takes the paper from the General, and feeds it in.
(PAUSE)
"Now," says the General, "I just need one copy."
____________________________________________________

Amazing haircuts for horses.

Today, December 29, in
1170 St. Thomas ŕ Becket, the 40th archbishop of Canterbury,
was murdered in his own cathedral by four knights acting on
Henry II's orders.
1812 The USS Constitution won a battle with the British ship
HMS Java about 30 miles off the coast of Brazil. Before
Commodore William Bainbridge ordered the sinking of the
Java he had her wheel removed to replace the one the
Constitution had lost during the battle.
1813 The British burned Buffalo, NY, during the War of 1812.
1837 Canadian militiamen destroyed the Caroline, a U.S.
steamboat docked at Buffalo, NY.
1848 U.S. President James Polk turned on the first gas light
at the White House.
1860 The HMS Warrior, Britain's first seagoing iron-hulled
warship, was launched.
1888 The first performance of Macbeth took place at the
Lyceum Theatre.
1890 The U.S. Seventh Cavalry massacred over 400 unarmed men,
women and children at Wounded Knee Creek, SD. after they had
been persuaded to hand over all weapons. This was the last
major battle between Indians and U.S. troops.
1911 Sun Yat-sen became the first president of a
Republican China.
1940 During World War II, Germany began dropping incendiary
bombs on London.
1945 Sheb Wooley recorded the first commercial record made in
Nashville, TN.
1952 The first transistorized hearing aid was offered for sale
by Sonotone Corporation.
1975 A bomb exploded in the main terminal of New York's
LaGuardia Airport. 11 people were killed.
1986 The Biltmore Hotel in Coral Gables, FL, reopened for business
after eighteen years and $47 million expended on restoration.
1989 Following Hong Kong's decision to forcibly repatriate some
Vietnamese refugees, thousands of Vietnamese 'boat people'
battled with riot police.
1996 The Guatemalan government and leaders of the leftist Guatemalan
National Revolutionary Union signed a peace accord in Guatemala
City, ending a civil war that had lasted 36 years.
1997 Hong Kong began killing 1.25 million chickens, the entire
population, for fear of the spread of 'bird flu.'
1998 Khmer Rouge leaders apologized for the 1970s genocide in
Cambodia that claimed 1 million lives.
2015 smiled.

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Naked burglar hits home owner's friend
with getaway vehicle
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 27, in
1065 Westminster Abbey was consecrated under Edward the Confessor.
(14 years after Hagar, the Horrible's Grandfather started a
colony in Newfoundland, Canada)
History
______________________________________________________
It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare.
It is because we do not dare that things are difficult.
--- Seneca
In politics you must always keep running with the pack.
The moment that you falter and they sense that you are injured,
the rest will turn on you like wolves.
--- R. A. Butler (1902 - 1982)
-----------
The same applies if you pull ahead of the pack.
______________________________________________________
An elderly couple would constantly argue about everything.
The woman often ended the arguments by stating vociferously,
“I'll dance on your grave ...
I'll dance on your grave!”
Sure enough, the man died first. His last request? …
To be buried at sea.
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Last summer, John took Jill camping for the first time. At every
opportunity, he passed along outdoor-survival lore.
One day they got lost hiking in the deep woods. John tried the
usual tactics to determine direction - moss on the trees
(There was no moss.), direction of the sun (It was an overcast day).
Just as he was beginning to panic, John spotted a small cabin off
in the distance.
John pulled out his binoculars, studied the cabin, turned, and
led them right back to the campsite.
"That was terrific," Jill said. "How did you do it?"
"Simple," he replied. "In this part of the country all satellite
dishes point south."
______________________________________________________
There was a gentleman in the hospital bed next to me. He was
covered with bandages from head to toe. I said to him,
"What do you do for a living?"
He said, "I'm a former window washer."
I asked, "When did you give it up?"
He said, "Oh, about halfway down."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
Reported by Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Adam Pettibone,
28,
Auburn,
California
Naked burglar hits home owner's friend
with getaway vehicle
Police in California are trying to determine why a man was naked in frigid temperatures when he entered a home and stole a purse.
Auburn police say the homeowner's boyfriend then chased 28-year-old Adam Pettibone on Friday night before Pettibone got into an SUV and drove off.
Sgt. Tucker Huey says Pettibone struck the boyfriend with the SUV.
The boyfriend declined medical treatment.
Auburn is about 30 miles northeast of Sacramento.
The temperature dipped into the 30s Friday.
Police say they found the SUV a short distance away in front of a home where Pettibone was.
They booked him at Placer County Jail on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon and burglary.
He is being held on $250,000 bail.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Estelle
Re: FedEx
Dear Webby,
I got this email from FedEx Express,
with an attachment. I am forwarding it to you.
Is it safe to open?
At the bottom it has:
This email is free from viruses and malware because avast! Antivirus protection is active.
https://www.avast.com/antivirus
FedEx Express®.docx FedEx Express®.docx
Estelle
Dear Estelle
MailWasher dumped your email. Apparently it objected to the
crap in the phony doc, and possibly also to the fact, that
the email came from Nigeria.
I had a good laugh about it:
Dispatched Officer: Mr. Bob Morris
E-mail: fe.dexdispatchservice@hotmail.com
Contact Phone number: (+234 8022378598)
The real fedEx does not use a +234 phone number.
They use a 1- 800 number.
And they most defiitely don't use a ho'mail address.
The FROM address claims to be
From: "FedEx Express®"
Hilarious!
And they want you to send them $180 !
And they don't even use your name, just "Customer" !
The line about Avast is totally phony too. Anybody can add
that to an email.
Carefully delete the attached docx file, and dump that email.
If you click on that docx file, it will most likely unleash
a virus hidden in macros. Just delete it, and then delete it
out of the Recycle bin, so that it can never be restored.
In the future, if you see an email from Nigeria or thereabouts,
promising ridiculous amounts of money and requesting money
from you, dump it.
The same goes for doc and docx attachments. Dump them.
If a friend sends an email with a doc or docx attachment,
question them why, and tell them, if the content is clean
and does not require a virus carrier, to just paste it
into email, just like the grown-ups do. Eventually they
will get the hint.
If they want to create a special song and dance with their
info, tell them to lock it in a PDF file. PDF is fairly safe,
and hopefully, they will get the hint, that anything other
than regular email is not appreciated.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
"Get this." said a guy to his friends, "Last night, while I was down
here at the bar with you guys, a burglar broke into my house.
"Did he get anything?" his friends asked.
"Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of
broken ribs. Susan thought it was me coming home drunk."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Key Wind Chime
Take some old keys from long forgotten or lost padlocks,
wrecked and binned suitcases, your granny's replaced wooden
front door, and the key to untold riches which never quite
fitted the lock and make them bright and colorful. Tie them
and hang them to make beautiful music when the cold windy
weather would otherwise make you miserable.
Supplies:
an old stick, twig of a tree, a pencil, or a chopstick
gorgeous ribbons and braids
acrylic paint and a brush or nail varnish/polish
Steps:
Paint your keys. Nail varnish will work better than
acrylic paint.
You will need much patience waiting for several coats
to dry. See how I have recycled breakfast cereal packaging
to protect my work surface. This has a feel good effect
even if it doesn't do much to save the planet.
Tie ribbons and braids to the keys
Tie the other ends to your stick I used a spent raspberry
cane which worked nicely.
Tie a final cord for hanging
Dangle and enjoy.
By ShirleyE [47]
If you want a louder and deeper sound, use the empty cores
of Christmas wrapping.
Make a trough by draping clear plastic between two 2x4's or
any boards or books, so that a core can be partially immersed
in the trough, after you dump some flour and water glue, or
varnish or paint into the trough.
You don't have to immerse the whole roll, a quarter of it
is enough. Just roll it to wet all of it, then hang it up to
dry overnight.
After weatherproofing it like that, you can paint it white or
chrome and then fake a candy-apple coat by mixing a bit of
color with varnish.
Hang your tubes with dental-floss and enjoy a deep, relaxing
bass wind chime.
You can, of course, tune the tubes by shortening some of them.
Don't bother using a tuning fork. Just a small difference will
make a pleasant melody.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
Bob and Nancy had a huge argument. They ended up not
talking to each other for days. Finally, on the third day,
Bob asked where one of his shirts was.
"Oh," she said, "now you're speaking to me."
He looked confused, "What are you talking about?"
"Haven't you noticed I haven't spoken to you for three days?"
she challenged.
"No," he said, "I just, thought you were finished with arguing
and we were getting along again."
___________________________________________________

peacock spider

____________________________________________________
A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a
brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren.
When asked the secret for staying together all that time,
the wife replies,
"Many years ago we made a promise to each other:
the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."
____________________________________________________
A son comes home from the Army. After a few hours, he finally
gets to talk to his father alone behind the barn.
"So, son, what did the Army teach you?" asked the father.
"Well, they taught me how to kill people," said the son.
"With what?" asked father.
"We used all kinds of things, like guns and knives, but my
favorite was the grenade," said the son.
"What's a grenade?" asked the father.
"Well, I brought one home to show you. You just pull this pin
out and throw it as far as you can," said the son. The son
proceeded to give a demonstration. Lo and behold, the son
throws the grenade on top of the outhouse.
KABOOM!!! The outhouse is demolished. All the lumber and
everything else lands in a heap in the yard.
Grandpa sticks his head out of the pile and says,
'Whew, glad I didn't let THAT one loose in the house!"'
____________________________________________________

Fascinating light painting photography.

Today, December 28, in
1065 Westminster Abbey was consecrated under Edward the Confessor.
(14 years after Hagar, the Horrible's Grandfather started a
colony in Newfoundland, Canada)
1694 Queen Mary II of England died after five years of joint rule
with her husband, King William III.
1732 "The Pennsylvania Gazette," owned by Benjamin Franklin, ran
an ad for the first issue of "Poor Richard’s Almanack."
1836 Mexico's independence was recognized by Spain.
1869 William E. Semple, of Mt. Vernon, OH, patented an acceptable
chewing gum.
1877 John Stevens applied for a patent for his flour-rolling mill,
which boosted production by 70%.
1879 In Dundee, Scotland the central portion of the Tay Bridge
collapsed as a train was passing over it. 75 people were killed.
1895 In Paris, the first commercial public screening of
cinematographic films took place.
1897 "Cyrano de Bergerac," the play by Edmond Rostand, premiered
in Paris, France.
1902 The first professional indoor football game was played at
Madison Square Garden in New York City. Syracuse defeated the
Philadelphia Nationals 6-0.
1908 An earthquake killed over 75,000 at Messina in Sicily.
1912 The first municipally-owned street cars were used on the
streets of San Francisco, CA.
1917 The New York Evening Mail published a facetious essay by
H.L. Mencken on the history of bathtubs in America.
1926 The highest recorded cricket innings score of 1,107 runs
was hit by Victoria, against New South Wales, in Melbourne.
1937 The Irish Free State became the Republic of Ireland when
a new constitution established the country as a sovereign
state under the name of Eire.
1945 The U.S. Congress officially recognized the
"Pledge of Allegiance."
1964 Initial filming of the movie "Dr. Zhivago" began on
location near Madrid, Spain. The movies total running time
is 197 minutes.
1973 The Chamber of Commerce of Akron, OH, terminated its
association with the All-American Soap Box Derby. It was
stated that the race had become "a victim of cheating and fraud."
1973 Alexander Solzhenitsyn published "Gulag Archipelago,"
an expose of the Soviet prison system.
1981 Elizabeth Jordan Carr, the first American test-tube baby,
was born in Norfolk, VA.
1982 Nevell Johnson Jr. was mortally wounded by a police officer in
a Miami video arcade. The event set off three days of race related
disturbances that left another man dead.
1989 Alexander Dubcek, who had been expelled from the Communist
Party in 1970, was elected speaker of the Czech parliament.
1991 Nine people died in a rush to get into a basketball game at
City College in New York.
1995 Pressure from German prosecutors investigating pornography
forced CompuServe to set a precedent by blocking access to sex-
oriented newsgroups on the Internet for its customers.
2000 U.S. District Court Judge Matsch held a hearing to ensure
that confessed Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh understood
that he was dropping his appeals. McVeigh said that he wanted
an execution date set, but wanted to reserve the right to seek
presidential clemency.
2015 smiled.

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not just computers and tablets!

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida inmate gets new charges prior
to release from prison
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 27, in
1900 Carrie Nation staged her first raid on a saloon at the Carey
Hotel in Wichita, KS. She broke each and every one of the liquor
bottles that could be seen.
History
______________________________________________________
The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none.
--- Thomas Carlyle (1795 - 1881)
______________________________________________________
When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his
clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the
bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him.
"Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible,
ugly suit we've had so long!"
"Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted
thing?" the manager asked.
"That's the one!"
That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get
rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever
had! But tell me. Why is your hand bandaged?"
"Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit,
his seeing-eye guide dog bit me."
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A History professor was explaining how society's ideal of
beauty changes with time.
"Take Miss America in 1921," he noted. "She stood 5'1" tall,
weighed 108 pounds, and had measurements of 30-29-32. How do
you think she'd do in today's beauty contest?"
"One student piped up, "Not very well! She'd be way too old!"
______________________________________________________
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Joshua Tyler Emens,
27,
Clermont,
Florida
Florida inmate gets new charges prior
to release from prison
A prisoner at Lake Correctional Institution was allegedly
caught with synthetic marijuana he reportedly obtained
during visitation hours.
Joshua Tyler Emens, 27, who was slated to be released on
Jan. 1, was hit with new charges Wednesday for possession
of a controlled substance and possession of contraband at
a state prison.
He was taken to the Lake County Jail on the charges and
is being held without bond.
According to an arrest affidavit, Emens was visiting with
his mother, Stacy Rodriguez, at the Clermont prision. He
was searched by guards upon leaving the restroom and 43
grams of synthetic marijuana were found in a sandwich bag
wrapped in black electrical tape in his back pocket.
The affidavit adds Emens later claimed that another inmate
named “Hotboy” gave him the drugs during the visitation
with the promise of $50 to move it into the compound.
Emens was sentenced to two years and six months in prison
in March 2014 in Orange County after being convicted of
grand theft, trafficking in stolen property and giving
false information to a pawnbroker, according to the Florida D
epartment of Corrections.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Bonnie
Re: More Postcards
Dear Webby,
Duh, I missed that, and I've had http://dawna.com bookmarked
for years, totally forgot about it and drew a complete blank
- thanks!
Bonnie
Dear Bonnie
There is also a very nice and very elegant card site at
http://silverteacup.com/
If you like animations, try Yana's
http://www.actioncat.com
Yana created the famous cat unrolling the toilet paper animation
about 20 years ago. There are of course hundreds more animations
on her site.
Another famous card site is Cards By Mouse at
http://mouse.webby.com/
Mouse does not use a page editor. She writes everything by hand,
and just quietly keeps adding more cards all the time.
She stopped counting at 2000 about five years ago. Nobody
knows how many she has by now.
Bettye at Spirit Scents has Native themed cards, LOTS of them.
Spirit Scents
Another huge site is Cyberkisses.com at
http://www.cyberkisses.com/
If love and / or kisses are on your mind, that ist the site
to go to. Anything from tender sweet to hilariously smart-ass.
There are lots more, of course, but these should keep you
busy for some time.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
===From Harold
I love the Humor Letter and only wish you would send out the
Sunday issue a bit earlier. You wouldn't believe how much
inspiration I get from it and how much I borrow from it when
I write the sermons for our pastors!
Harold F.===
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Lemon Juice Ice Pack
I re-purposed an empty Jif Lemon juice container for a
handy ice-pack. I suffered for a long time with nose bleeds
due to a perforation and I found the shape of the Jif bottle
was ergonomically shaped to keep the bridge of my nose cold
thus stopping the bleeding.
It's also handy for other uses such as on bruises and
'boo-boo's'! Just refill the container with water and keep
in your freezer. If you collect a few of them, you can a
lso pop them into pitchers without watering down your
drinks (as ice does) and they look appealing too!
Source: My own
By Monique [108]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the
auctioneer suddenly announced, "A gentleman in this room has
lost a wallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will
pay a reward of $2,000."
There was a moment's silence, and then from the back of the
room came the cry, "Two thousand five hundred!"
___________________________________________________

dogs annoying cats with friendship

____________________________________________________
Anni was taking her time browsing through everything at
a friend's yard sale, and said to her, "My husband is going
to be very angry when he finds out I stopped at a yard sale."
"I'm sure the old boy'll understand when you tell him about
all the bargains," her friend replied.
"Maybe," said Anni. "But he just broke his leg, and he's waiting
for me to take him to the hospital to have it set."
____________________________________________________
A teacher asked one of her students, "What's the nation's capital?"
The student said, "Washington DC."
When asked what the 'DC' stood for, the student said, "Dot Com."
____________________________________________________

As Lillie Jo said "This is some serious talent here! WOW!!"

Today, December 27, in
1703 The Methuen Treaty was signed between Portugal and England,
giving preference to the import of Portuguese wines into England.
1831 Charles Darwin set out on a voyage to the Pacific aboard
the HMS Beagle. Darwin's discoveries during the voyage helped
him form the basis of his theories on evolution.
1845 Dr. Crawford Williamson Long used anesthesia for childbirth
for the first time. The event was the delivery of his own child
in Jefferson, GA.
1900 Carrie Nation staged her first raid on a saloon at the Carey
Hotel in Wichita, KS. She broke each and every one of the liquor
bottles that could be seen.
1904 James Barrie's play "Peter Pan" premiered in London.
1927 Leon Trotsky was expelled from the Communist Party.
1938 The first skimobile course in America opened in
North Conway, NH.
1945 The World Bank was created with an agreement signed
by 28 nations.
1949 Queen Juliana of the Netherlands granted sovereignty
to Indonesia after more than 300 years of Dutch rule.
1951 In Cincinnati, OH, a Crosley automobile, with a steering
wheel on the right side, became the first vehicle of its kind
to be placed in service for mail delivery.
1965 The BP oil rig Sea Gem capsized in the North Sea, with
the loss of 13 lives.
1978 Spain adopted a new constitution and became a democracy
after 40 years of dictatorship.
1979 Soviet forces seized control of Afghanistan. Babrak Karmal
succeeded President Hafizullah Amin, who was overthrown and
executed.
1985 Palestinian guerrillas opened fire inside the Rome and
Vienna airports. A total of twenty people were killed, including
five of the attackers, who were slain by police and security
personnel.
1992 The U.S. shot down an Iraqi fighter jet during what the
Pentagon described as a confrontation between a pair of Iraqi
warplanes and U.S. F-16 jets in U.N.-restricted airspace over
southern Iraq.
1996 Muslim fundamentalist Taliban forces retook the strategic
air base of Bagram, solidifying their buffer zone around Kabul,
the Afghanistan capital.
1997 In Northern Ireland, Billy Wright was assassinated. He was
imprisoned as a Protestant paramilitary leader.
2000 Mario Lemeiux (Pittsburgh Penguins) returned to the National
Hockey League (NHL) as a player after over 3 years of retirement.
He was the first owner-player in the modern era of pro sports.
Lemieux had purchased the Pittsburgh Penguins during his retirement
from playing.
2001 U.S. President George W. Bush granted China permanent normal
trade status with the United States.
2002 North Korea ordered U.N. nuclear inspectors to leave the country
and said that it would restart a laboratory capable of producing
plutonium for nuclear weapons.
2002 In Chechnya, at least 40 people were killed when suicide bombers
attacked the administartion of Grozny.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, December 26
Thank You, Richard!
Thank you, Josef!
-25 C, -10 F
Amazing, when I was living in the Yukon, that was just
"refreshing". Perfect for chopping firewood by moon light,
or snowblowing my road with the Kubota, or logging and
hauling trees with the dogs.
Now that same temperature is two classes colder:
Quite chilly!
I went for my walk anyway. It was beautiful walking in the
bright moonlight on the noisy snow and admiring the multitude
of stars. It would have been perfect if some lady old enough
to be out after dark were walking with me. Oh, well.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
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There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 26, in
1865 The coffee percolator was patented by James H. Mason.
History
______________________________________________________
Anybody can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend,
but it requires a very fine nature to sympathise with
a friend's success.
--- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
______________________________________________________
>From the 1995 Tech Support Pits
>From Trisha
Trisha:
I had run across the term cyber sex a few times lately, so I
decided to try to figure out what it meant. I figured it had
something to do with the computer, so I started trying to find the
sex drive on mine.
I looked everywhere, in all the folders on the My Computer
section, the add/uninstall software, install hardware part of the
control panel then I got out all the manuals and went through
them. I finally came to the conclusion that my computer is not
equipped with one.
So I decided to go to the computer store and see if I could buy
one. I wanted to look intelligent and scholarly, so I wore my math
hat.
Well, the salesperson in the first store was a rather stern looking
woman. I gave her the make and model of my computer and
asked her if she had any sex drives in stock. She kinda scowled
at me and asked me if I was trying to get smart with her. Then
she said, rather rudely I thought, that she couldn't help me and
walked away.
HUH, must not have had any in stock.
In the second store, I gave the salesperson the make and model
of my computer and asked if they had any sex drives in stock. He
kind of snickered and asked if I meant a hard drive.
I thought about it for a minute and told him yeah, maybe that, but
I think I should already have one installed. He started laughing at
me said something about me trying to kill him. "You're killing me!"
Something like that and walked away.
Hmmmm, must be out here too. Must be hard to keep in stock I
wasn't trying to kill him I wasn't even hurting him.
The guy in the third store laughed and asked me if I'd just fallen
off the turnip truck. I assured him I'd never been on a turnip
truck, but I'd fallen off the manure wagon a few times. He
mumbled something about that explaining it and walked
away laughing.
The guy in the fourth store said something like, "boob" under his
breath and walked away. Wonder why he only noticed one?
Anyway I figured they must not carry them in stores maybe have
to order from a catalog or something.
So that's why I am writing you for help.
I'm sure you tech support people can help me locate my sex
drive, and I would appreciate it if you would also help me figure
out what to do with it.
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A member of the Country Club asked the lifeguard how he might
go about teaching a young lady to swim.
"It takes considerable time and technique." replied the guard.
"First you must take her into the water, then place one arm about
her waist, hold her tightly, then take her right arm and raise it
very slowly..."
"This is certainly most helpful." said the member. "I know that my
sister will appreciate it."
"Your sister?" said the lifeguard. "In that case, just push her
into the deep end of the pool. She'll learn in a hurry."
______________________________________________________
Jill suggested a book to her husband to read to enhance their
relationship. It's entitled,
'Women are From Venus, Men Are Wrong.'"
______________________________________________________
Heirloom Big Book Of Classic
Christmas Stories 2nd Edition with more
stories and pictures
$10 instant download
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Kyle Damato-Kushel,
45,
Bridgeport,
Connecticut
Connecticut teacher's aide arrested for 2-year
affair with student.
A married 45-year-old teacher's aide has been accused of
having a sexual relationship for more than two years with
a 15-year-old boy, whom she had once taught in preschool.
Kyle Damato-Kushel, who worked at Wooster Middle School in
Bridgeport, Connecticut, had allegedly been having sex with
the victim since he was in the seventh grade.
Her husband reportedly found out about the alleged illicit
affair when he woke up to hear their voices inside their
family home and, fearing it was an intruder, called the
police. Police found her and the kid at it in the husban's
den.
Police say Damato-Kushel's DNA was found in the boy's
underwear.
They say the former aide offered the victim $900 if he didn't
reveal their relationship.
The teenager told police their first sexual encounter took place
in Damato-Kushel's husband's man cave, The Connecticut Post
reported.
They had sex in a number of other places in their family home
and in other places around the town of Stratford, police say.
The victim allegedly got Damato-Kushel pregnant at one point
but she had a miscarriage.
Police say the victim told officers he had been having sex with
Damato-Kushel since the summer of 2013.
She was arraigned Monday on charges of sexual assault, impairing
the morals of a child and tampering with a witness. She didn't
enter a plea and went free on a $50,000 bond.
Damato-Kushel declined comment as she left the courthouse.
According to her Facebook page she has three daughters.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Bonnie
Re: Postcards
Dear Webby,
OK, really dumb question. I note above that you do tech
support for postcard sites. Um, what are those?
Bonnie
Dear Bonnie
Check out the two I mentioned in the Humor Letter:
Last minute Christmas Cards:
Last minute Christmas Cards:
Angelwinks Christmas menu
If you want some not so pious cards, go to FlutterInn
They are just free Internet postcards.
You select a picture, write your message,
enter sender and recipient address, and fire it off.
Another one I use is my dad's: http://dawna.com
Totally non-religious and not political.
Just cactus and scenery pictures.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
A married couple were having a disagreement while sitting
in bed.
The wife said to her husband, "You're impossible,"
to which the husband replied,
"No. I'm next to impossible."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Vaseline for Painting Around Moulding
Painting the inside door moulding around the hinges is
a job I've never relished because it's picky work. I always
ended up getting paint on the hinges no matter how careful
I was. It looked awful and needed scraping off when the
paint was dry. My most recent paint job throughout the entire
house has been so much easier, thanks to simple Vaseline.
With a Q-tip, I smeared the hinge bracket full of Vaseline
and painted away without worrying about getting paint where
it didn't belong. When the paint was dry, I cleaned the hinge
bracket with a paper towel and I had a hinge that looked
brand new again.
I'm thinking that this would work well when I do the window
frames. No more taping and no more scraping paint off the
glass.
Sorry, I haven't got a picture available. We've just moved
and I haven't found the camera yet. But I'm sure you can
appreciate what I'm talking about, we've all been there.
By Mina [25]
Vaseline workd very well on hinges,
but don't use it on windows! An old painter explained
to me that for best sealing you a re supposed to paint
about 1/8" onto the glass. To do that neatly, you have
to either tape the glass or use a razor to peel the paint
off the glass. Paint supply shops sell razors made just
for that, with the blade inset the right amount for
running it along frames.
With metal frames that 1/8" paint might be redundant, but
it definitely won't hurt.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments
with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment
to "Honor thy father and thy mother," she asked,
"Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our
brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of
a family) answered,"Thou shall not kill."
___________________________________________________

OK Go - Here It Goes Again

____________________________________________________
Two cab drivers met. "Hey," asked one, "Why did you paint
one side of your cab red and the other side blue?"
"Well," the other responded, "When I get into an accident,
you should see how all the witnesses contradict each
other."
____________________________________________________
Jack is making dinner
I've seen it all before
French fries black and burning
And meatloaf on the floor
Jack is making dinner
The sugar bowl just broke
Fido ate the gravy
The house has filled with smoke
Jack is making dinner
But I'm not one to moan
Soon he will surrender
And go pick up the phone
Jack made the dinner
Today's my lucky day
Dinner's in the trashcan
And pizza's on the way!
____________________________________________________

Santa had a few mishaps!

Today, December 26, in
1620 The Pilgrim Fathers landed at New Plymouth, MA, to found
Plymouth Colony, with John Carver as Governor.
1776 The British suffered a major defeat in the Battle of
Trenton during the American Revolutionary War.
1865 The coffee percolator was patented by James H. Mason.
1898 Marie and Pierre Curie discovered radium.
1908 Texan boxer "Galveston Jack" Johnson knocked out Tommy
Burns in Sydney, Australia, to become the first black boxer
to win the world heavyweight title.
1917 During World War I, the U.S. government took over
operation of the nation's railroads.
1921 The Catholic Irish Free State became a self-governing
dominion of Great Britain.
1943 The German battlecruiser Scharnhorst was sunk in the
North Sea, during the Battle of North Cape.
1944 Tennessee Williams' play "The Glass Menagerie" was first
performed publicly, at the Civic Theatre in Chicago, IL.
1947 Heavy snow blanketed the Northeast United States, burying
New York City under 25.8 inches of snow in 16 hours. The
severe weather was blamed for about 80 deaths.
1956 Fidel Castro attempted a secret landing in Cuba to
overthrow the Batista regime. All but 11 of his supporters
were killed.
1982 The Man of the Year in "TIME" magazine was a computer.
It was the first time a non-human received the honors.
1991 The Soviet Union's parliament formally voted the country
out of existence.
1995 Israel turned dozens of West Bank villages over to the
Palestinian Authority.
1996 Six-year-old beauty queen JonBenet Ramsey was found beaten
and strangled in the basement of her family's home in
Boulder, CO.
1998 Iraq announced that it would fire on U.S. and British
warplanes that patrol the skies over northern and southern Iraq.
2002 The first cloned human baby was born. The announcement was
made the December 27 by Clonaid.
2004 Under the Indian Ocean, a 9.0 magnitude earthquake sent
500-mph waves across the Indian Ocean and Bay of Bengal. The
tsunami killed at least 283,000 people in a dozen countries,
including Sri Lanka, Indonesia, Sumatra, Thailand and India.
2015 smiled.

Merry Christmas, ,
Today is Friday, December 25
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Last minute Christmas Cards:
Angelwinks Christmas menu
If you want some not so pious cards, go to FlutterInn
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Texas teacher, who was arrested for messing with to boys.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 24, in
1223 St. Francis of Assisi assembled one of the first
Nativity scenes, in Greccio, Italy.
History
______________________________________________________
On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good,
and not quite all the time.
--- George Orwell (1903 - 1950)
Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.
--- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
Being Politically Correct means
Always Having to Say You're Sorry.
--- Socratex
Be bold in what you stand for;
be careful in what you fall for.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
Jill has her own version of money laundering.
She cleans out everybody's pockets when she washes
their pants.
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
The manager of our hospital's softball team I was responsible
for returning equipment to the proper owners at the end of
the season. When he walked into the surgery department
carrying a bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, he
passed several patients and their families in a waiting area.
"Look, honey," one man said to his wife.
"Here comes your anesthesiologist."
______________________________________________________
The young son of a Baptist minister was in church one
morning when he saw for the first time baptism by immersion.
He was greatly interested in it, and the next morning proceeded
to baptize his three cats in the bathtub. The youngest kitten
bore it very well, and so did the younger cat, but the old
family tom cat rebelled.
The old feline struggled with the boy, clawed his skin, and
finally got away. With considerable effort the boy caught the
old tom again and proceeded with the "ceremony."
But the cat acted worse than ever, clawing and spitting,
and scratching the boy's face. Finally, after barely getting
the cat splattered with water, he dropped him on the floor
in disgust and said:
"Fine, Then be a Methodist!"
______________________________________________________
Heirloom Big Book Of Classic
Christmas Stories 2nd Edition with more
stories and pictures
$10 instant download
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Haeli Wey,
Austin,
Texas
Arrested for
Texas teacher Haeli Wey was on a trip to Africa with the
family of one of her students when she and the 17-year-old
first became intimate, the teenager told police, according
to an affidavit obtained by 48 Hours' Crimesider.
Wey, a former math teacher at Westlake High School, in
Austin, Texas, was arrested on Dec. 17 on two counts of
felony improper relationship between educator and student,
for a pair of alleged months-long relationships with teenage
boys. Police say the alleged crimes occurred during the
summer and fall of 2015. Under Texas law, it is illegal
for teachers to have sex with students, even if they are
over 17 years old, the state's legal age of consent.
One victim allegedly told police he met Wey at a "student
ministry program" in June, and that later in the summer
she accompanied his family on a trip to Africa.
"The victim said while in Africa his relationship with
Ms. Wey become more personal and on a deeper level," a
detective wrote in the affidavit. "The victim stated while
in Africa their relationship became physical."
The victim allegedly told police he had sex with Wey more
than 10 times after the trip, but stopped the relationship
after he heard a rumor that she went on a hike with the
second alleged victim.
Police say the first victim later told his parents about
the relationship, and they contacted authorities.
"There were a lot of rumors at school about (Wey and the
second victim) 'hooking up,'" a detective wrote, adding
that the teen at first denied the rumors, which were fueled
by alleged Instagram messages between the two.
The second victim said Wey invited him on a hike, which
lasted about two hours, before they allegedly went to a
secluded area and had sexual contact.
The victim, asked by a detective if he expected to have
sex on the hike, allegedly said yes, and added,
"a teacher just doesn't hang out with a student just to
hang out."
The affidavits also allege that Wey tried to keep the
relationships under wraps, at one point instructing the
second victim on how to erase their conversations.
"Delete our convo (sic) from Instagram please and don't
let anyone get a hold of ur (sic) phone," she allegedly
texted the victim.
And to the first victim, after finding out about the police
report, she allegedly asked, "What did you tell them?"
And, "Why did you tell them?"
Wey was released on bond and is scheduled to appear in court
on January 7.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Cay
Re: Lost PayPal Password
Dear Webby,
Very clear PayPal instructions, but you need to tell the
writer to put the password somewhere it can be accessed.
I neglected to do that several years ago so now I cannot
get into my account. They won't let me open a new account,
either.
Cay from FLđźŤ
Dear Cay!
You are right!
Tattoo the password into the ear of the cat or dog or hubby.
It wouldn't do to get the free RoboForm, that I have
recommended since the days when you were jail bait.
It is still at http://roboform.com
and it's still free.
To reset your PayPal password,
go to
http://snipurl.com/resetpaypal
Spread your window as wide as your neighbor's rear end to
make sure that link does not line-wrap.
Enter your email address, the one you used in the days before
you forgot the password.
Enter the Squiggly code
Hit continue
After you reset your password, put it into RoboForm,
or tattoo it into the ear of your cat or dog or hubby.
By the way, you can even recover your email
address there.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
Bad spelers of the world untie!
============================================
That reminds me....
I also do tech support for all the postcard sites.
Here is a goodie from today:
lucyann:
when i send the postcard nun of the words i but
on it are there.
Hi Lucyann
Try selecting a different font color that is not
the same as the background color.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Merry Meringues
A wonderfully light, easy, low calorie Christmas treat to make.
Approximate Time: 2 hours, including cool time
Yield: 5 dozen
Ingredients:
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup powdered sugar
1 tsp cream of tartar
dash salt
1 tsp vanilla
4 egg whites, room tempurature
1 tsp cinnamon
Steps:
These are possible without an electric mixer, but so much
easier with! Beat the egg whites and salt until soft peaks
form (about 3 minutes on high).
Add in sugars, salt, vanilla and cinnamon a little bit at a
time. Beat on high for about 6 minutes or until glossy
peaks form.
Preheat oven to 250 F. Drop by teaspoons onto ungreased cookie
sheets (you'll need 4*) and bake for 50 minutes.
Turn the oven OFF. Keep the cookies in the oven as it cools,
for at least an hour. No peeking! Makes about 5 dozen cookies.
Yummy!
*You may want to half the recipe if you don't have enough
sheets. These need to bake all in one batch.
By Rae G. [22]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
Jill has her own version of money laundering.
She cleans out everybody's pockets when she washes
their pants.
___________________________________________________

The Christmas story

____________________________________________________
An airline customer service agent, received a call from a lady
who wanted to know if she could take her dog on board. The
agent told her the dog was welcome, as long as she paid a $50
charge and provided her own kennel. The agent further explained
that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up,
sit down, turn around and roll over.
Then the lady said, "I will never be able to
teach him all that by tomorrow!" and hung up.
____________________________________________________
As the bus pulled away, Jane realized she had left her purse
under the seat. Later she called the company and was relieved
that the driver had found her bag. When she went to pick it up,
several off-duty bus drivers surrounded her.
One man handed her the empty purse, six typewritten pages
and a bushel box containing the contents of her purse.
"We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he explained.
"I think you'll find everything there."
As she started to put her belongings back into the purse, the
man continued, "I hope you don't mind if we watch.
Even though we all tried, none of us could fit everything back
into your purse. And we'd like to see just how you do it."
____________________________________________________

Star Wars Christmas light show.

Today, December 25, in
0800 Charlemagne was crowned first Holy Roman Emperor
in Rome by Pope Leo III.
1066 William the Conqueror was crowned king of England.
1223 St. Francis of Assisi assembled one of the first
Nativity scenes, in Greccio, Italy.
1776 Gen. George Washington and his troops crossed the
Delaware River for a surprise attack against Hessian
forces at Trenton, NJ.
1818 "Silent Night" was performed for the first time,
at the Church of St. Nikolaus in Oberndorff, Austria.
1868 U.S. President Andrew Johnson granted an unconditional
pardon to all persons involved in the Southern rebellion
that resulted in the Civil War.
1896 John Philip Sousa finally titled the melody
"The Stars and Stripes Forever."
1914 During World War I, British and German troops observed
an unofficial truce and even playing football together on
the Western Front.
1926 Hirohito became the emperor of Japan after the death
of his father Emperor Taisho.
1930 The Mt. Van Hoevenberg bobsled run at Lake Placid,
New York opened to the public. It was the first bobsled
track of international specifications to open in the U.S.
1939 "A Christmas Carol," by Charles Dickens, was read on
CBS radio for the first time.
1941 Hong Kong surrendered to the Japanese.
1946 W.C. Fields died at the age of 66.
1962 The Department of Commerce Census Clock in Washington, DC,
recorded the U.S. population on this day as 188,000,000.
1972 The Nicaraguan capital Managua was hit by an earthquake.
Over 10,000 people were killed.
1979 The USSR invaded Afghanistan in a bid to halt civil war
and protect USSR interests.
1989 Ousted Romanian President Nicolae Ceausescu and his wife,
Elena, were executed following a popular uprising.
1998 Seven days into their journey, Richard Branson, Steve Fossett
and Per Lindstrand of Sweden gave up their attempt to make the first
nonstop round-the-world balloon flight. They ditched near Hawaii.
2000 Over 300 people were killed and dozens were injured by fire
at a Christmas party in the Chinese city of Luoyang. The incident
occurred at the Dongdu Disco.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, December 24
Time to panick and / or wrap!
Last minute Christmas Cards:
Angelwinks Christmas menu
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 23, in
1818 Franz Gruber of Oberndorf, Germany composed the music for
"Silent Night" to words written by Josef Mohr.
History
______________________________________________________
I stand by all the misstatements that I've made.
--- Dan Quayle (1947 - )
______________________________________________________
If nobody knows the troubles you've seen,
then you don't live in a small town.
-------
Ha ! I grew up in a town so small, they were gossiping about
things I had supposedly done,
before I actually got around to doing them!
That is why I emigrated.
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
An older man was married to a younger woman. After several
years of being happily married, the man had a heart attack.
The doctor advised him that to prolong his life, he would
have to stop having sex with his wife.
The man and his wife discussed the matter and decided that
he should sleep in the family room downstairs to save them
both from temptation.
One night, after several weeks, he decided that life without
sex wasn't worth living. So he headed upstairs.
He met his wife on the staircase and said, "I was coming up
to die."
She laughed and replied, "And I was coming down to kill you!"
______________________________________________________
>Thanks to Anita for this one:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport
employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your
baggage without your knowledge?"
To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how
would I know?"
She smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
______________________________________________________
Heirloom Big Book Of Classic
Christmas Stories 2nd Edition with more
stories and pictures
$10 instant download
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Edgar Cortes,
Orlando,
Florida
Arrested for drinking in traffic next to a cop
Drinking a cold one in traffic rarely ends well.
It's especially true when the car in the next lane is labeled
"Orlando Police Department."
That's how Edgar Cortes found himself in jail shortly before
noon Saturday on charges of driving with an open container,
carrying a concealed firearm and armed possession of pot
with intend to sell, court records show.
"As I passed the vehicle...I observed the driver drink from
a bottle that appeared to resemble that of an alcoholic beverage,"
Officer Jose Sanchez wrote. "The bottle's content appeared to
be dark yellow in color, reasonably appearing to me to be the
color of beer."
It turned out to be Corona Extra, a pale lager brewed in Mexico,
records show.
"Initially Cortes did not want to pass my patrol vehicle and
wanted to stay behind avoiding a traffic stop," the arrest
report states. "I knew he was doing this because he reduced his
speed to almost a complete stop in the roadway."
Both drove slowly east on Vineland Road until Cortes passed
and Sanchez lit up his patrol car's red lights.
Approaching the stopped Honda compact, Sanchez wrote, he
drew his pistol and ordered Cortes to raise his hands after
watching him push or pull something underneath the driver's
seat.
He also noticed the smell of unburned marijuana and spotted
an open bottle of Corona behind the front passenger seat.
"The same bottle I saw Cortes drinking from," he wrote.
Cortes subsequently handed over a small bag of marijuana and
said there was an open bottle of beer behind the seat. After
he was removed from the car, a 9 mm. pistol loaded with 11
cartridges was found under the driver's seat, records state.
Cortes was released from the Orange County Jail after
posting bail.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Andy
Re: How do I send money with PayPal?
Dear Webby,
I don't want to explain why, but I need to send some money
to a grand daughter, instantly, so that she can come home
for Christmas. She laughed at me and said "Just use PayPal!"
Well, you wrote about PayPal quite a bit. How do I send
money to her?
Andy
Dear Andy
Go to http://PayPal.com and sign up.
It is fast and easy. They use your credit card to verify
that you are over 18. You can also use your bank account
for that. Don't worry, it is totally secure.
Put your checking account in tehre as fall-back, and
a credit card as the second fall-back.
A fall-back is used when you don't have quite enough in
there for a purchase. Say, you have $35 in there, but want
to buy a $45 item, then it reaches to the fall-back for
the extra $10.
Then you get a chance to stock your account with funds.
If you want to send $50 to her, put $55 in there.
Always put a bit more than necessary in there and slowly
build up a little stash, that Mama doesn't know about.
OK, so now you got money in there to use any way you want.
You only go through that set-up once in your lifetime.
From now on you just sign in with the password, that you
have chosen.
At the top there is a button that says SEND MONEY.
Hit that.
Enter recipient PayPal email address.
Enter the email address she told you to use. Usually you
use an address other than your regular mailing address for
PayPal, but it can be the same one.
Enter the one she told you to use.
Then you Enter the amount.
Now you can add a message. The message field looks small,
but it scrolls.
Then hit SEND.
You might have to enter your password once more, and it is
done. The money is in her PayPal account, and she can use
it to slide it onto her debit card or whatever she needs
it for.
Keep in mind, instructions like these sound intimidating
and more complicated than they are. If you have a credit
or debit card or a bank account number ready, the whole
set-up is fast and easy.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and
challenges,but eventually you find a hairstyle you like.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Storing Christmas Wrap
The best way to store wrapping paper is to unroll it from
the cardboard tube and then re-roll it and store it inside
the tube.
Source: Been doing it for years
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
That reminds me,.... one time as I was doing the Denver airport
marathon (arrive at gate A2 and walk to D42). I observed a lady
leaning more and more because of a heavy shoulder-slung
laptop case. So I showed her how I had slung mine around the
handle of the wheeled carry-on, so that it hung nice and low in
front of the carry-on and perfectly counter-balanced everything.
She was desperate enough to get the weight off her shoulder,
but couldn't stand the thought of her precious laptop being behind
her, out of her sight. So she PUSHED her wheeled carry-on in
front of her like a baby stroller.
While that definitely CAN be done, if somebody can walk in a
perfectly straight line and has learned to steer with minimal
movements, she definitely needed a lot of practise in both of those
skills.
Her carry-on zig-zagged in front of her like it was frantically
trying to escape. To make it worse, every time she turned her head
to talk to me, -and she did a lot of that-, she also turned her body a
bit and promptly steered her carry-on into the not moving rubber
sidewall of the moving walkway. As you can probably imagine, that
sudden stop of the PUSHED carry-on caused her to run into it,
OOOFFF, and bounce with her generous bumpers into me, OOOOFFF.
The more embarrassed and exasperated she got, the more she
talked, and the more she talked, the more her carry-on zig-zagged.
In the old days I would have gladly hung her big laptop case on
top of mine, (-always been "strong like bull, smart like shovel"-)
but since 9/11 it is bad form to even talk about touching anybody
elses stuff.
When we finally got to the departure gate, just in time, and the
security guard asked her if she had been in control of her luggage
at all times, she blew up. She screeched at the poor guy that
NOBODY could be in control of that @#$% cart,
that IT was possessed and that it controlled her, and on and on.
Guards from other gates started fastwalking over to where we were,
with rather concerned looks on their faces, and it appeared like
they were going to haul her off. So I explained to them that
she had PUSHED her carry-on to be able to keep an eye on it.
They of course knew all about that, and relaxed.
___________________________________________________

The Christmas story

____________________________________________________
Bubba asked his wife, if he died and she remarried, would
she let her new husband drive his pickup truck?
Betty-Sue replied: "Heck no. He has a new one."
____________________________________________________
Bobby, a devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was
mending fences on uncle Jack's farm.
Three weeks later a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its
mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the
precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward
and exclaimed, with great joy..."It's a miracle!"
"Not Really," said the cow. "Your name is written inside the cover."
____________________________________________________

Star Wars Christmas light show.

Today, December 24, in
1814 The War of 1812 between the U.S. and Britain was ended
with the signing of the Treaty of Ghent in Belgium.
1818 Franz Gruber of Oberndorf, Germany composed the music for
"Silent Night" to words written by Josef Mohr.
1851 A fire devastated the Library of Congress in Washington, DC,
destroying about 35,000 volumes.
1865 Several veterans of the Confederate Army formed a private
social club in Pulaski, TN, called the Ku Klux Klan.
1906 Reginald A. Fessenden became the first person to broadcast
a music program over radio, from Brant Rock, MA.
1914 In World War I, the first air raid on Britain was made when
a German airplane dropped a bomb on the grounds of a rectory
in Dover.
1944 A German submarine torpedoed the Belgian transport ship
S.S. Leopoldville with 2,235 soldiers aboard. About 800 American
soldiers died. The soldiers were crossing the English Channel
to be reinforcements at the battle that become known as the
Battle of the Bulge.
1948 The first completely solar-heated house became occupied in
Dover, MA.
1951 Libya achieved independence as the United Kingdom of Libya,
under King Idris.
1965 A meteorite landed on Leicestershire. It weighed about 100lbs.
1966 Luna 13 landed on the moon.
1968 Three astronauts, James A. Lovell, William Anders and Frank
Borman, reached the moon. They orbited the moon 10 times before
coming back to Earth. Seven months later man first landed on the
moon.
1979 Soviet troops invaded Afghanistan in support of the country's
Marxist government. The CIA trained and supplied the Taliban to
oppose and fight the Russians.
1981 In Eastern Kazakh/Semipalatinsk, the Soviet Union performed
a nuclear test.
1985 Fidel Castro, the Cuban president, announced that he had
stopped smoking.
1989 Ousted Panamanian ruler Manuel Noriega took refuge at the
Vatican's diplomatic mission in Panama City.
1990 Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman were married.
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush pardoned former Defense
Secretary Caspar Weinberger and five others in the Iran-Contra
scandal.
1997 Ilich Ramirez Sanchez, known as "Carlos the Jackal," was
sentenced by a French court to life in prison for the 1975
murders of two French investigators and a Lebanese national.
1999 Ivory Coast President Henri Konan Bédié was overthrown
in a coup.
2000 The "Texas 7," seven convicts that had escaped a Texas
prison, robbed a sports store in Irving, TX. The suspects
killed Officer Aubrey Hawkins, stole $70,000, 25 weapons and
clothing. The men had escaped on December 13.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, December 23
Time to start panicking and / or wrapping!
Last minute Christmas Cards:
Angelwinks Christmas menu
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Oklahoma Hornhead robber
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 23, in
1947 John Bardeen, Walter H. Brattain and William Shockley invented
the transistor.
History
______________________________________________________
The trouble with our times is that the future is not
what it used to be.
--- Paul Valery (1871 - 1945)
We know what happens to people who stay in the
middle of the road. They get run over.
--- Aneurin Bevan (1897 - 1960)
"Whatever it is the government does, sensible Americans
would prefer that the government do it to somebody else."
--- PJ Orourke
______________________________________________________
The warden, addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot,
said, "I would like to know two things. First: Why did you revolt?
Second: How did you get out of your cell?"
One of the three men stepped forward, "Warden, we rebelled because
the food is awful."
"I see. And what did you use to break the bars?" The warden asked.
Replied the spokesman, "French Toast."
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
An Irishman's wife calls the doctor, stating that her husband
has taken ill. The doctor asks if she had taken his temperature;
she replied that she hadn't but would and then call back.
When she hadn't called within a half hour, the doctor called
and asked her what had happened. She said,
"Well, I didn't have a thermometer, so I put a barometer on
his chest and it said "dry", so I gave him a pint of beer and
he was well enough to go to work!"
______________________________________________________
If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think the
locals will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had
kittens in the oven, they wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
______________________________________________________
Heirloom Big Book Of Classic
Christmas Stories 2nd Edition with more
stories and pictures
$10 instant download
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Paul Terry, 26,
Sonja Moro, 29,
Tulsa,
Oklahoma
Hornhead was arrested for robbery
An Oklahoma man is horning in on the dubious honor of
"mugshot of the year."
Paul Terry was arrested Saturday after a man told police
that he was robbed by two people, one of whom was sporting
some very unique forehead tattoos.
The victim described a man with devil horns and the words
"f*** cops" inked on his noggin, according to NewsOn6.com.
Police said 26-year-old Terry robbed the ex-boyfriend of
his alleged accomplice, Sonja Moro, 29, Friday evening.
When the victim opened the door of his home, Terry and Moro
allegedly forced their way inside.
The victim told police that Terry threatened to stab him if
he didn't give them money.
Terry allegedly left after the victim gave him a wallet,
according to KRMG.com.
Police said Moro stayed behind trying to get more money from
the victim. She fled the scene after the man told her he was
calling 911.
Officers used that information to arrest Terry and Moro
Saturday evening, according to Tulsa World.
Terry was booked on armed robbery charges and is currently
being held in the Tulsa County Jail in lieu of $100,000 bond.
Moro was booked on the same charge and is also at the Tulsa
County Jail on $50,000 bond.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Ellen
Re: What kind of programming for payPal buttons?
Dear Webby,
Those payPal buttons work fine, really slick, especially
how they serve up the download. What Kind of programming
skills do I need to create one of those? I used to know
some C, but have not used it since college, many years ago.
Thanks
Ellen
Dear Ellen
None at all.
That has all been done for you.
All you do is fill in forms with stuff you know, like the
location of your download page, and select items like your
choice of button.
Then it shows you the "code" to paste onto your page or
into your emails.
Your buttons are saved, and you can retrieve them and
slightly modify them for your next item to sell.
It is quite simple and civilized.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
Tom had been a compulsive worrier for years until he
found a way to overcome this problem. His friends
noticed the dramatic change.
"You don't seem to be worried about anything anymore."
"I hired a professional worrier for $1000.00 a week."
Tom replied. "I haven't had a single qualm since."
"A Thousand a week!" said Doug.
"How are you going to pay him?"
"That's his problem."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Storing Christmas Wrap
The best way to store wrapping paper is to unroll it from
the cardboard tube and then re-roll it and store it inside
the tube.
Source: Been doing it for years
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
Sandra: “Did you know you should test your smoke detectors
regularly?”
Cindy: “Oh, yeah! I do. Every now and then, I cook something.”
___________________________________________________

Christmas tree & elephant

____________________________________________________
Lady of the house: “I want you to stand at the front door and call
the guests' names as they arrive.”
Butler: “Very well, madam. I've been wanting to do that for years.”
____________________________________________________
Compelling evidence that Jesus was a woman:
1. He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there
was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men
who just didn't get it.
3. Even when he was dead, He had to get up because there
was more work to do.
____________________________________________________

Star Wars Christmas light show.

Today, December 23, in
1788 Maryland voted to cede a 100-square-mile area for the
seat of the national government. About two-thirds of the area
became the District of Columbia.
1823 The poem "A Visit from St. Nicholas" by Clement C. Moore
(" 'Twas the night before Christmas...") was published.
1834 English architect Joseph Hansom patented his 'safety cab',
better known as the Hansom cab.
1856 Ralph Collier was issued a U.S. patent for the first rotary
egg beater with rotating parts.
1888 Following a quarrel with Paul Gauguin, Dutch painter Vincent
Van Gogh cut off part of his own earlobe.
1893 The Engelbert Humperdinck opera "Hansel und Gretel" was
first performed, in Weimar, Germany.
1919 The first ship designed to be used as an ambulance for the
transport patients was launched. The hospital ship was named
USS Relief and had 515 beds.
1941 During World War II, American forces on Wake Island
surrendered to the Japanese.
1942 Bob Hope agreed to entertain U.S. airmen in Alaska. It was
the first of the traditional Christmas shows.
1947 John Bardeen, Walter H. Brattain and William Shockley invented
the transistor.
1948 Former Japanese premier Hideki Tojo and six other Japanese war
leaders were executed in Tokyo. They had been found guilty of
crimes against humanity.
1953 Soviet secret police chief Lavrenti Beria and six of his associates
were shot for treason following a secret trial.
1954 The Walt Disney movie "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" was released.
1957 Dan Blocker made his acting debut on television in the "Restless Gun."
1965 A 70-mph speed limit was introduced in Britain.
1968 The crew of the U.S. Navy ship, Pueblo, was released by North Korea.
The Captain of the Pueblo, Commander Lloyd M. Bucher, and 82 of his crew
were held for 11 months after the ship was seized by North Korea because
of suspected spying by the Americans.
1970 In New York, the topping out ceremony for original One
World Trade Center (North Tower) took place. The South Tower's
ceremony took place on July 19, 1971.
1981 NASA approved a plan to continue the Voyager II spacecraft on a
trajectory that would take it within 66,000 miles of Uranus on
July 24, 1986.
1986 The experimental airplane Voyager, piloted by Dick Rutan and
Jeana Yeager, completed the first non-stop, around-the-world flight
without refueling as it landed safely at Edwards Air Force Base in
California.
1987 Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme, serving a life sentence for the
attempted assassination of U.S. President Ford in 1975, escaped from
the Alderson Federal Prison for Women in West Virginia. She was
recaptured two days later.
1989 Ousted Romanian President Nicolae Ceausescu and his wife, Elena,
were captured as they were attempting to flee their country.
1990 Elections in Yugoslavia ended, leaving four of its six republics
with non-Communist governments.
1995 A fire in Dabwali, India, killed 540 people, including 170 children,
during a year-end party being held near the children's school.
1997 Terry Nichols was convicted by a Denver jury on charges of conspiracy
and involuntary manslaughter in the 1995 federal building bombing in
Oklahoma City. The bomb killed 168 people.
1998 Guerrillas in south Lebanon fired dozens of rockets at northern Israel.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Iowa anti-gun sheriff who shot his own hand
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 22, in
1775 A Continental naval fleet was organized in the rebellious
American colonies under the command of Ezek Hopkins.
History
______________________________________________________
There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear
of what the neighbors will say.
--- Cyril Connolly (1903 - 1974)
______________________________________________________
> From Billy B
When my wife had to rush to the hospital unexpectedly, she
asked me to bring her a few items from home. One item on
her list was "comfortable underwear."
Not sure what she considers comfortable, I asked, "How will
I know which ones to pick?"
"Hold them up and imagine them on me," she answered.
"If you smile, put them back and pick some different ones."
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A man is talking to the family doctor.
"Doc, I think my wife's going deaf."
The doctor answers, "Well, here's something you can
try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance
away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn't
answer, move a little closer and ask again.
Keep repeating this until she answers. Then you'll be
able to tell just how hard of hearing she really is."
The man goes home and tries it out.
He walks in the door and says,
"Honey, what's for dinner?"
He doesn't hear an answer, so he moves closer
to her. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no answer.
He repeats this several times, until he's standing just
a few feet away from her.
Finally, she turns around and screams at him:
"For the eleventh time, I said we're having MEATLOAF!"
______________________________________________________
A Man goes to see the Rabbi.
"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to
talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "I'm sure
you're wrong."
The man pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's
poisoning me. What should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what, let me talk to
her. I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says,
"Well, I called your wife.
I was on the phone for five hours.
You want my advice?"
The man anxiously says, "Yes, please."
"Take the poison!"
______________________________________________________
Heirloom Big Book Of Classic
Christmas Stories 2nd Edition with more
stories and pictures
$10 instant download
______________________________________________________
From Noella
Morning fog near Bolivar, MO. 9-30-05
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Mike Johnstone,
,
Des Moines County,
Iowa
Iowa anti-gun sheriff who shot his own hand
Anti-gun Sheriff Mike Johnstone in Des Moines County, Iowa
shot himself in the hand. This is the sheriff that’s known
for pushing the anti-gun lie that concealed carry will lead
to “wild-west” shootouts.
Mike Johnstone didn’t clear his personally owned firearm
properly while he was cleaning it at his home. The firearm
went off and shot him in the hand. Smooth move buddy.
Seems like anti-gun and anti-hunting “activists” are always
getting themselves into trouble.
The report did not state whom or what he had shot with his
personal handgun, just that he was preparing to clean it.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Marie
Re: Is PayPal safe?
Dear Webby,
I heard a lot of horror stories about PayPal, but you seem
to be using it without trouble. What's the real story about
it? I need some way to accept money for my eBook.
Marie
Dear Marie
Yes, it might be indeed terrible if you don't sign up for it,
or if you don't read the instructions.
However, if you actually sign up, which is simple and
straightforward, and follow basic instructions, it works
very well.
Look at any eBook for sale on the net, for example my book
of all the classic Christmas Stories, that are slowly
getting lost. Have you been told every one of them? Have
you read every one of them to your kids or grandkids?
That is a good example for a simple PayPal button.
When a buyer clicks on it, they can pay with a credit/debit
card or their PayPal balance, and when they do, the
"Thank-You" page gives them the download, and they can
instantly download it.
It can't be any simpler for the buyer.
For the seller it is quite simple too. You just step through
and follow the instructions. Each step has explanations,
if you need them. You just make a different button for
each eBook, that you sell.
Don't forget, though, you DO need a web site to put your
buttons on. While the buttons work on many email programs,
they are blocked by a few. For those, you just send the
buyers to a page, where you got your button.
Go ahead and click on my eBook and see how it works.
The book clickthrough in the email just gets you to the
page, where the real PayPal button is. On the web it
works for everybody, no matter which email program they use.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
Joe Bob, John Boy and Bubba were moving furniture. While
Joe Bob and John Boy were struggling with a particularly
heavy oak wardrobe, Joe Bob noticed that Bubba was nowhere
in sight.
"John Boy, where's Bubba?" asked Joe Bob. "That big galoot
should be helping us with this thing."
"He is helping," said John Boy. "He's inside holding the clothes
hangers in place!"
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Brownie Bowls
With this dessert, you can eat the dish!
Approximate Time: 25 min prep, 30 to bake
Yield: 12 bowls
Ingredients:
Brownie mix or recipe* for an 8-inch square pan of brownies
4 muffin tins
Steps:
Grease and flour the cups of one muffin tin.
Fill the first muffin tins no more than 2/3 full of batter.
Grease and flour the underside of the second muffin tin.
Press the second tin on top of the first.
Repeat with the third and fourth muffin tin.
Bake at 350 degrees F for 25-30 minutes.
Let cool completely before you separate the tins.
Fill with ice cream, pudding, or fruit. You may top
with whipped cream, if you wish.
Source: Pinterest based
By Judy Pariser S. [73]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental
health and was giving an oral test. Speaking about a specific
condition, she asked,
"How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth
screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a
chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the back of the room raised his hand and said,
"A basket ball coach?"
___________________________________________________

Christmas Eve Sarajevo

____________________________________________________
An English teacher often wrote little notes on student
assignments. He was working late one night, and as the
hours passed, his handwriting deteriorated.
The next day a student came to him after class with her
essay he had corrected. "I can't make out this comment you
wrote on my paper."
The teacher took the paper, and after squinting at it for a
minute, sheepishly replied, "It says that you need to write
more legibly!"
____________________________________________________
On a Southwest Airlines flight, just after a very hard
landing in Salt Lake City, the flight attendant came on the
intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what
y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the
airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't
the flight attendant's fault . . . it was the asphalt!"
____________________________________________________

When you need a break and to remember the amazing beauty in this world.
Beautiful photography.

Today, December 22, in
1715 James Stuart, the "Old Pretender", landed at Petershead
after his exile in France.
1775 A Continental naval fleet was organized in the rebellious
American colonies under the command of Ezek Hopkins.
1807 The U.S. Congress passed the Embargo Act, designed to
force peace between Britain and France by cutting off all
trade with Europe.
1894 French army officer Alfred Dreyfus was convicted of
treason in a court-martial that triggered worldwide charges
of anti-Semitism. Dreyfus was eventually vindicated.
1895 German physicist Wilhelm Röntgen made the first X-ray,
of his wife's hand.
1939 Gloria Jacobs became the first girl to hold a world
pistol record when she shot 299 out of a possible 300 points.
She was 17 years old at the time.
1943 Sporting goods manufacturers received permission to use
synthetic rubber for the core of baseballs.
1956 The last British and French forces evacuated Egypt.
1961 James Davis became the first U.S. soldier to die in Vietnam,
while U.S. involvement was still limited to the provision of
military advisers.
1984 New York City resident Bernhard Goetz shot four black youths
on a Manhattan subway. Goetz claimed they were about to rob him.
1990 Lech Walesa was sworn in as Poland's first popularly elected
president.
1991 The body of Lt. Col. William R. Higgins, an American hostage
murdered by his captors, was found along a highway in Lebanon.
1998 A unit of RJR Nabsico pled guilty to attempting to smuggle
cigarettes into Canada.
2001 Thirty Afghans, including two women, were sworn in as part of
the new interim government in Afghanistan. Hamid Karzai was the
head of the post-Taliban government.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, December 21
Thank you, Jim!
Thank you Betty!!
Thank You Conrad!
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida felon desperate for Christmas behind bars
arrested with 5 stolen vehicles plus lots of other stuff
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 21, in
1898 Scientists Pierre and Marie Curie discovered the radioactive
element radium.
History
______________________________________________________
The only way to be truly misogynistic is to be a woman.
--- Randy K. Milholland
______________________________________________________
"Computers in the future may weigh less than 1.5 tons."
---POPULAR MECHANICS, forecasting the relentless march
of science, 1949
(They just feel that heavy, when you lug your laptop and spare
batteries from one end of an airport to the other.)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
ROOM, NO VIEW, $20
The location isn't desirable, the rooms are cramped, the food
isn't that appealing and you don't get your own key
-- but the rent is only $20 a day.
The Dakota County Jail already charges inmates a fee for booking.
Beginning Sept. 1, offenders will be billed $20 a day to defray
the $90 daily expense to jail them. Law enforcement officials
say that those who can't come up with the money won't be evicted
from their cells. They say the indigent will be eligible for waivers.
Others can negotiate a payment plan.
______________________________________________________
An elderly lady from a remote little town went to one of
Philadelphia's most fashionable suburbs to visit her niece
and husband. Nearby was a very well known golf course.
On the second afternoon of her visit, the elderly lady went
for a stroll. Upon her return, the niece asked, "Well, Auntie,
did you enjoy yourself?"
"Oh, yes, indeed," said Auntie, beaming. "Before I had
walked very far, I came to some beautiful rolling fields.
There seemed to be a number of people about, mostly men
in weird clothes. Some of them kept shouting at me in a
very eccentric manner, but I took no notice.
There were four men who followed me for some time,
uttering curious excited barking sounds.
Naturally, I ignored them, too."
"Oh, by the way," she added, as she held out her hands,
"You know how I detest littering. I found a number of these
curious little round white balls, so I picked them all up
and brought them home hoping you could explain what
they're all about. I got my whole purse full of them."
______________________________________________________
Heirloom Big Book Of Classic
Christmas Stories 2nd Edition with more
stories and pictures
$10 instant download
______________________________________________________
Came across this one in my archives:
Jerome, Arizona
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Joshua Peterson,
31,
Leesburg,
Florida
Florida felon desperate for Christmas behind bars
arrested.
Lake County deputies arrested a felon Tuesday who appeared
to be getting an early start to his Christmas shopping.
Joshua Peterson, 31, was nabbed for numerous thefts across
Lake and Sumter counties, with an approximate value of
$100,000, Lake County Sheriff's Office Sgt. Fred Jones said.
Officials recovered five stolen pickup trucks: a Ford, a
Toyota, a Mazda, a GMC and a Dodge.
They also recovered a travel trailer, three lawn mowers,
three weedeaters, a chainsaw and a four wheeler, from
various locations across Lake and Sumter counties.
Peterson, who was driving a white Ford F-150 and was towing
a trailer, was stopped at a Speedway gas station near U.S.
Highway 27 south of Leesburg.
The deputy recognized the truck as one that had been reported
stolen earlier in the night, he also recognized the driver as
Peterson, according to an arrest report.
The truck's license plate was reported stolen Monday from a
vehicle at Leesburg Regional Medical Center, deputies said.
Peterson also had methamphetamine, syringes and pills, the
report states. He's been arrested six times previously in
Lake County, and faced charges for theft and aggravated
assault.
He was most recently released from prison in March. He was
sentenced on March 18, 2013 to two years and nearly 8 months
in prison for 11 crimes, including grand theft and using
forged bills, in Lake County. He was sentenced to two years,
six months in prison on June 18, 2009 for at least 12
burglary charges.
Peterson and another man, both Groveland residents at the time,
were accused in 2009 of 15 burglaries, mainly of cars, along
the U.S. 27 corridor.
Records show he went to prison on July 8, 2009 and was released
on March 1, 2011. He returned to prison on April 2, 2013 and was
released on March 21 2015.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Fran
Re: Voting
Dear Webby,
Usually the voting at the Ezinefinder doesn't mess up
until the new year. It has been messed up and not allowing
me to get into my favorites, actually not allowing me to
log in!
I know, writing to them does no good.
What is going on?
Fran
Dear Fran
Try voting now.
It looks like they fixed it on Sunday afternoon.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front
of her, a man gets up from his seat.
She thinks to herself, "Here's another male chauvinist pig
trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by
condescendingly offering a poor, defenseless woman his
seat," and she pushes him back onto the seat.
A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. She is
insulted again and refuses to let him up.
Finally, the man says:
"Look, weird lady, you've got to let me get up.
I'm two miles past my stop already."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Brillo Pads for Clean Stainless Steel Sinks
After several years of using harsh agents to clean my
stainless steel sinks and destroying my hands in the process
I have started using Brillo type soap pads (store brand of
course). My hands are getting better and the sinks look
fantastic!
By Marty Dick [166]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
That remids me....
At a a crowded and busy bus stop, a woman wearing a tight
leather skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it
was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was
too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first
step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver,
she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that
this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still
couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached
behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second
time attempted the step, and, once again, much to her chagrin,
she could not raise her leg.
With little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip
a little more and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her
picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the top
step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and
screamed, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know
who you are!"
The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would
agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times,
I kinda figured we was friends."
___________________________________________________

Still, Still, Still

____________________________________________________
And that reminds me of ANOTHER bus joke:
Reverend George had minor surgery after a bad accident and gets
on the bus to get back to the rectory. He looks quite bedraggled
and more like he had been in a bar fight than being hit by a cab,
and is still a bit groggy from the anesthetic.
He staggers up the aisle, and sits down next to an elderly woman.
She looks Reverend George up and down and screeches at him:
"I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!"
The Reverend George jumps up out of his seat and shouts:
"Hold it, driver!
I'm on the wrong bus! I don't wanna go where SHE goes!"
____________________________________________________
One of the world's greatest scientists was also recognized as
the original absent-minded professor. One day, on board a train,
he was unable to find his ticket. The conductor said,
"Take it easy. You'll find it." and continued his rounds.
When the conductor returned, the professor still couldn't find
the ticket.
The conductor recognized the famous scientist and said,
"I'm sure you bought a ticket. Forget about it."
"You're very kind," the professor said, "But I must find it,
otherwise I won't know where to get off the train."
____________________________________________________

I love the color red!

Today, December 21, in
1620 The "Mayflower"landed at Plymouth Rock, MA.
1898 Scientists Pierre and Marie Curie discovered the radioactive
element radium.
1913 Arthur Wynne published a new "word-cross" puzzle in the
"New York World" in England. The name was later changed to
"crossword."
1914 Marie Dressler, Charlie Chaplin, Mabel Normand and Mack
Swain appeared in the first six-reel, feature-length comedy.
The film was entitled "Tillie’s Punctured Romance".
1925 Eisenstein's film "Battleship Potemkin" was first shown
in Moscow.
1937 Walt Disney debuted the first, full-length, animated
feature in Hollywood, CA. The movie was "Snow White and the
Seven Dwarfs."
1944 Horse racing was banned in the United States until after
the end of World War II.
1945 U.S. Gen. George S. Patton died in Heidelberg, Germany,
of injuries from a car accident.
1948 The state of Eire (formerly the Irish Free State)
declared its independence.
1968 Apollo 8 was launched on a mission to orbit the moon. The
craft landed safely in the Pacific Ocean on December 27.
1971 The U.N. Security Council chose Kurt Waldheim to succeed
U Thant as secretary-general.
1988 270 people were killed when Pan Am Boeing 747 exploded
over Lockerbie, Scotland, due to a terrorist attack.
1990 In a German television interview, Saddam Hussein declared
that he would not withdraw from Kuwait by the UN deadline.
1991 Eleven of the 12 former Soviet republics proclaimed the
birth of the Commonwealth of Independent States.
1995 The city of Bethlehem passed from Israeli to Palestinian
control.
1996 After two years of denials, U.S. House Speaker Newt Gingrich
admitted violating House ethics rules.
1998 Israel's parliament voted overwhelmingly for early elections.
It was the signal to the demise of Prime Minister Benjamin
Netanyahu's hard-line government.
1998 A Chinese court sentenced two dissidents to long prison
terms for attempting to organize an opposition party. A third
man was sentenced to 12 years in prison on December 22, 1998.
1998 The first vaccine for Lyme disease was approved.
2001 The Islamic militant group Hamas released a statement that
said it was suspending suicide bombings and mortar attacks in Israel.
2002 Larry Mayes was released after spending 21 years in prison for
a rape that he maintained that he never committed. He was the
100th person in the U.S. to be released after DNA tests were
performed.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, December 19
Thanks for resuming your farting around.
The cold broke and temps were much more comfortable druring
my evening walk.
Sorry about the goofy format in yesterday's Humor Letter.
Somehow I clipped a > at the top, qand after that none
of the line ends worked.
Sorry about that!
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida mom arrested after leaving baby bound and gagged with
packing tape in a locked car.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 19, in
1562 The Battle of Dreux was fought between the Huguenots
and the Catholics, beginning the French Wars of Religion.
History
______________________________________________________
Some are born great, some achieve greatness,
and some hire public relations officers.
--- Daniel J. Boorstin (1914 - )
"A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway."
--- Fr. Jerome Cummings
The number of divorces in this country proves
that this is the land of the free.
The number of marriages proves that it is
truly the home of the brave.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
A group of tourists was touring Ireland. One of the women in the
group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining,
"The bus seats are uncomfortable. The food is terrible. It's too hot.
It's too cold. The accommodations are awful."
The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone.
"Good luck will be followin' ya all your days, if you kiss the
Blarney Stone," the guide said. "Unfortunately, it's being cleaned
today and so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come
back tomorrow."
"We can't be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted.
"We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't
even kiss the stupid stone."
"Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss someone
who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune."
"And I suppose you've kissed the stone," the woman scoffed.
"No, ma'am," the frustrated guide said, "but I've sat on it."
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
How do you tell the difference between the psychologists
and the patients in a psychiatric hospital?
Short term:
The psychologists show off better footwear.
Long term:
The patients get better and leave.
______________________________________________________
A business traveller was passing through a small town when
he came upon a huge funeral procession.
"Who died?" he asked a nearby local.
"I'm not sure," replied the local, " but I think it's the one in the
coffin. Just come along, even if we don't get close enough
to hear at the cemetary, maybe we'll find out at the party
afterward."
______________________________________________________
Heirloom Big Book Of Classic
Christmas Stories 2nd Edition with more
stories and pictures
$10 instant download
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Grace An,
18,
Gainesville,
Georgia
Florida mom arrested after she left baby
bound and gagged with tape in car.
A Georgia mother has been arrested on child cruelty charges
after law enforcement discovered her 16-month-old bound with
cellophane and packing tape in the back seat of her vehicle.
The toddler’s mother, 18-year-old Grace An, was later arrested
and charged with first-degree child cruelty, reckless conduct,
and false imprisonment.
According to the Hall County Sheriff’s Office, deputies were
called after somebody reported a suspicious looking vehicle
parked outside of a suburban home outside of Gainesville
around 6:45 p.m. on Wednesday.
When they arrived at the scene, they were greeted by a local
locksmith who said he had been called by somebody that he
assumed had been locked out of their car.
After walking closer to the locked vehicle, however, he
noticed a small child bound by cellophane and packaging tape
in the back seat.
“The locksmith indicated that while he was unlocking the vehicle
he discovered a small child bound by tape in the back seat,”
police revealed in a press release.
When deputies checked inside the seemingly abandoned car, they
“found (the child) lying in the back seat with cellophane and
packing tape wrapped around the child’s mouth, hands and feet.”
Fortunately, an ambulance was called and the child was quickly
rushed to Northeast Georgia Medical Center, where he was soon
released into the custody of the Department of Family and
Children Services.
According to the Sheriff’s Office, Grace An was later picked up
and taken to the Hall County Jail, where she remains without bond.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Dani
Re: Get Rid of W10 nagger pop-up
Dear Webby,
Dear Webby,
A year ago I had a new computer made with Windows 7.
Now I keep getting a pop up trying to get me to upgrade to
Windows 10. Is there a way to stop the pop up?
Thank you so much.
Merry Christmas and a Blessed, Healthy and Happy New Year.
Dani
Dear Dani
The nuisance pop-up is just to remind you of how big a
nuisance Microsoft is.
Because there is practically no demand for W10
but a huge demand for getting rid of the nuisance nagger,
the good people at GitHub created a little program to take
care of it once and for all.
Most other remedies are only temporary, and then the nagger
mysteriously re-appears. This one is permanent.
It is not instant. The GitHub remedy searches the computer for
hidden seeds, that could restart the nagger. That takes a few
minutes.
Here is the program in ZIP form. You have to download it and
unzip it, and then run it. I made a short URL for you:
http://tinyurl.com/No10Nagger
If you want to see what is in the short URL, the long one is:
https://github.com/rn10950/I-Dont-Want-Windows- 10/releases/download/4.0/I_Dont_Want_Windows_10_v4.zip
The program works well. I have used it myself.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Ted's daughter had adopted a stray cat. To his wife's distress,
the cat began to use the back of their new sofa as a scratching
post.
"Don't worry," Ted reassured her. "I'll have him trained in no time."
Nettie watched for several days as Ted patiently "trained"
their new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, Ted deposited
him outdoors to teach him a lesson.
The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever
he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
DIY Lazy Susan with Marbles
Make your own incredibly inexpensive Lazy Susan! Just take
a pan, pour some marbles in it, put another pan on top and
voila! A fully functional DIY Lazy Susan. Put your items
on the top pan and spin. I saw this on the corner of the
counter in my parents' kitchen and thought it was brilliant!
Source: My thrifty mum :)
By attosa [148]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
After a long and serious operation, Lena ended up in a coma. Try
as they might, the doctors just couldn't bring her out of it. When
her husband Ralph came into the intensive care unit to see her,
the doctors gave him the bad news.
"We just can't wake her. It doesn't look good, I'm afraid," the
doctor told Ralph in a quiet, somber voice.
Ralph looked at Lena, and with a soft trembling voice, he said,
"But doctor, she's so young. She's only 45."
"37," came the weak reply from Lena.
___________________________________________________

Hallelujah

____________________________________________________
During lunch with a friend in a fast-food restaurant, I was telling
her about a woman who had rear-ended my car at a traffic
light. She had tried without any success to blame me for the
accident. "She even called me every dirty name in the book!"
I said.
Just then I looked over to the next table where two nine-year-old
boys had apparently been paying close attention to my story.
One said to the other,
"There's a book?"
____________________________________________________
A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How
do you know what to say?" he asked.
"God tells me."
"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"
____________________________________________________

Bali from the air

Today, December 19, in
1562 The Battle of Dreux was fought between the Huguenots
and the Catholics, beginning the French Wars of Religion.
1732 Benjamin Franklin began publishing "Poor Richard's Almanac."
1777 General George Washington led his army of about 11,000 men
to Valley Forge, PA, to camp for the winter.
1842 Hawaii's independence was recognized by the U.S.
1843 Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" was first published.
1871 Corrugated paper was patented by Albert L. Jones.
1887 Jake Kilrain and Jim Smith fought in a bare knuckles fight
which lasted 106 rounds and 2 hours and 30 minutes. The fight
was ruled a draw and was halted due to darkness.
1903 The Williamsburg Bridge opened in New York City. It opened
as the largest suspension bridge on Earth and remained the largest
until 1924. It was also the first major suspension bridge to use
steel towers to support the main cable.
1907 A coalmine explosion in Jacobs Creek, PA, killed 239 workers.
1917 The first games of the new National Hockey League (NHL) were
played. Five teams made up the league: Toronto Arenas, Ottawa Senators,
Quebec Bulldogs, the Montreal Canadiens and the Montreal Wanderers.
1918 Robert Ripley began his "Believe It or Not" column in
"The New York Globe".
1957 Air service between London and Moscow was inaugurated.
1959 Penn State’s Nittany Lions beat Alabama, 7-0, in the first
Liberty Bowl football game.
1959 Walter Williams died in Houston, TX, at the age of 117. He was
said to be the last surviving veteran of the U.S. Civil War.
1961 "Judgment At Nuremberg" opened in New York City.
1972 Apollo 17 splashed down in the Pacific, ending the
Apollo program of manned lunar landings.
1973 Johnny Carson started a fake toilet-paper scare on the
"Tonight Show."
1979 ESPN televised its first NHL game. The teams were the
Washington Capitals and the Hartford Whalers.
1984 Wayne Gretzky, 23, of the Edmonton Oilers, became only
the 18th player in the National Hockey League (NHL) to score
more than 1,000 points.
1984 Britain and China signed an accord returning Hong Kong to
Chinese sovereignty on July 1, 1997.
1986 The Soviet Union announced it had freed dissident Andrei
Sakharov from internal exile, and pardoned his wife, Yelena Bonner.
1989 U.S. troops invaded Panama to overthrow the regime of
General Noriega.
1996 The school board of Oakland, CA, voted to recognize Black English,
also known as "ebonics." The board later reversed its stance.
1998 U.S. President Bill Clinton was impeached on two charges of
perjury and obstruction of justice by the U.S. House of
Representatives.
2003 Images for the new design for the Freedom Tower at the World
Trade Center site were released. The building slopes into a spire
that reaches 1,776 feet.
2008 U.S. President George W. Bush signed a $17.4 billion rescue
package of loans for ailing auto makers General Motors and Chrysler.
2015 smiled.

PRE style="font-family:Arial, sans-serif; color:navy;">
Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, December 18
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
-20 C (0 degrees F) Refreshing!
That was during my walk. It's going to cool off some
more tonight.
Absolutely no danger of Gullible Warming.
Please resume farting around.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Vero Beach man arrested after he attempted jail break-in,
becam entangled in razor wire
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 17, in
1903 The Panama Canal Zone was acquired 'in perpetuity' by the
U.S. for an annual rent.
History
______________________________________________________
You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance.
--- Ray Bradbury (1920 - )
"The income tax has made more liars out of the
American people than golf has. Even when you make
a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's
through if you are a crook or a martyr."
---- Will Rogers
"Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit
the national debt."
--- Herbert Hoover
______________________________________________________
Overheard in the bank today:
A few ladies were discussing the newsreport about the hormone
pills for women in or after menopause claiming that the
hormones could lead to 8 more heart attacks in 10 000 people.
Most figured that 8 in 10 000 was so small a number that it
was probably due to some fluke ot error, and only one of them
seemed inclined to consider giving up the estrogen pills.
Then the old country doctor, who had just come in, interrupted in
her usual gruff and surly manner. She said:
"8 in 10 000 is silly! If 10 000 stop using the hormone pills, you'll
see 8000 divorces and 800 murders! 8 Heart attacks. Those I can deal
with nowadays, but not 10 000 grouchy dingbats!"
Everybody cracked up laughing, especially because she has a
reputation for being quite a grouch.
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
The judge read the charges, then asked,
"Are you the defendant in this case?"
"No sir, your honor, sir," replied Arthur,
"I've got a lawyer to do the defendin'.
I'm the person who done it."
______________________________________________________
One day, a guy was driving with his four-year-old daughter and
beeped his car horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him
for an explanation.
He said, "I did that by accident."
She said, "I know that, daddy."
He said, "How did you know?"
The girl said, "Because you didn't yell, 'JERK,' after you
honked."
______________________________________________________
Heirloom Big Book Of Classic
Christmas Stories 2nd Edition with more
stories and pictures
$10 instant download
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Patrick Rempe,
24,
Vero Beach,
Florida
Vero Beach man arrested after he attempted jail break-in,
becam entangled in razor wire
A man high on Flakka rammed the fence at the Indian River
County Jail and attempted to scale the fence, but became
stuck at the top, authorities said.
A man high on a synthetic stimulant rammed the fence at the
Indian River County Jail and became entangled in razor wire
when he attempted to scale the fence early Tuesday, the
Indian River County Sheriff's Office said.
Patrick Rempe, 24, of the 2200 block of 53rd Avenue, Vero
Beach, had to be assisted out of the wire by deputies and
paramedics before he was charged with battery on a law
enforcement officer and several other charges. Rempe had
been using the drug Flakka, Flowers said.
"The people who are on this drug lose control of themselves,"
Flowers said.
Flakka is a synthetic drug that has also been compared to
cocaine and methamphetamine, law enforcement officials said.
It causes hallucinations and euphoria for its users, but can
also cause paranoia, confusion and psychosis.
The Sheriff's Office estimates the jail sustained at least
$5,000 worth damage to the doors and the fence.
"The good thing is, we were never compromised," Flowers said.
Even if Rempe had not been entangled in the wire, he would have
had to scale a second fence, also topped with razor wire, before
reaching the jail building, which would have been locked,
Flowers said.
About 4:15 a.m. Tuesday, Rempe rammed his 2002 Toyota into the
front doors of Building C, barely missing a deputy who was
outside the jail. The glass on the doors shattered, but the
doors held up, Flowers said.
Rempe then drove at a high rate of speed and rammed into the
fence outside of building E, Flowers said. With the fence
tipping slightly toward the building, Rempe tried to scale it
and became stuck. Rempe spit on one of the deputies after
being removed, Flowers said.
Rempe was treated at Indian River Medical Center before he
was booked into the jail. He told deputies he just wanted
to visit friends who were in the jail.
Rempe was charged with aggravated assault on a law
enforcement officer, battery on a law enforcement officer,
three counts of felony criminal mischief, leaving the scene
of a crash with property damage and driving under the
influence.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Mary M
Re: Go back to W7
Dear Webby,
My granddaughter was on my desk top and the window's 10
came up. I had been ignoring it. I like my 7 just fine and
she downloaded W10 plus the 10 Norton.
HELP !! I need to get rid of this and go back to 7.
I know you had told how to do this a while back but I wasn't
planning on getting 10.
Thank you & Merry Christmas !!
Mary
Dear Mary
Yes, I agree it is time to get rid of that granddaughter.
She is evil!
First UNistall Norton.
Then, if it has been less than a month since she downgraded to Windows 10, you can go back to your previous version of Windows by going to Settings > Update & security > Recovery and selecting Go back to Windows 7.
That should do it.
You may have to re-Install Mcafee and MalwareBytes afterwards.
With that link you can currently get the 2016 McAfee at 50% off.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Working as a secretary at an international airport, my sister had
an office adjacent to where security temporarily holds suspects.
One day security officers were questioning a man when they were
suddenly called away on another emergency. To the horror of my
sister and her colleagues, the man was left alone in the unlocked
room. After a few minutes, the door opened, and he began to
walk out. Summoning up her courage, one of the secretaries barked,
"Get back in there, and don't come out until you're told!"
The man scuttled back inside and slammed the door. When the
security people returned, the woman reported what had happened.
Without a word, an officer walked into the room and released one
very frightened telephone repairman.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Mushroom and Cheese Orzo Risotto
People tend to get intimidated by the thought of making
risotto. I can assure you, this version is a super easy
method that results in a very elegant, delicious dish.
Approximate Time: 20 minutes
Yield: 4 servings
Ingredients:
2 tsp oil
3/4 cup sliced or chopped mushrooms
1/4 cup chopped onions
2 cloves minced garlic
2 cups dried orzo pasta
3 cups chicken broth
1/3 cup any type of cheese (I used aged cheddar here)
salt and pepper to taste
1 Tbsp butter
Steps:
Add oil to frying pan over high heat. Cook mushrooms,
onions and garlic until browned, about 5 minutes.
Reduce heat to medium and add dried orzo. Stir often
until pasta is light golden brown, a few minutes.
Add chicken broth and bring to a boil over high heat,
then reduce heat and simmer. Stirring often. It will
take about 8 minutes or so until orzo is tender and
most of the liquid is absorbed. If its too thick or
dry, add a bit of water at a time until you reach
desired consistency. If too wet, cook a bit longer.
Turn off heat then drop in cheese, butter, and salt
and pepper to taste. Stir until cheese melts.
I'm getting hungry just writing this! Enjoy!
By attosa [147]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of
caution. "You need to be careful about trying these
techniques at home."
"Why?" asked somebody from the audience.
"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years,"
the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the
refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a
single item at a time. One day I told her,
'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"
"Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked.
"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20
minutes to make breakfast.
........
Now I do it in seven."
___________________________________________________

Santa’s shop

____________________________________________________
A few housewives were sitting around the table talking, and
the subject turned to their husbands. One lady said
"My husband just won't go to church with me, I think he's
going to go to Hell."
This led to talk around the table and it was generally
agreed that, for one reason or another, all the husbands
were going to end up in Hell. So, then the housewives
started speculating about themselves.
One woman said
"I try to be good - I'm sure I'll make it to Heaven."
One after the other, and all at the sime time, as is common
in these gatherings, they enumerated their good deeds and
their sufferings and reasons why they would surely go to
heaven.
Then they noticed that one of the ladies wasn't saying
anything. They looked at her and said
"You're always soo a kind and good, surely you're going to
Heaven?"
"Not me," she says, "Tonight I am going to go burn down
a church or two. Maybe a rectory too."
They were shocked and asked "Why??"
"Well, none of the men I like are going to go to heaven. I
am just going to make sure I won't either".
____________________________________________________
A lady from Chicago was visiting New York City. Her hostess
was determined to make the Midwesterner feel cheap and
unimportant. "My dear," said the New York matron snobbishly,
"here in the East we think breeding is everything."
The lady from the Midwest replied. "Out where I come
from we think it's fun, too, but we try to have a few other
interests as well."
____________________________________________________

Pretty colorful igloo!

Today, December 17, in
1862 The first orthopedic hospital was organized in New
York City. It was called the Hospital for Ruptured and Crippled.
1865 U.S. Secretary of State William Seward issued a statement
verifying the ratification of the 13th Amendment to the U.S.
Constitution. The amendment abolished slavery with the
declaration: "Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except
as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been
duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any
place subject to their jurisdiction."
1898 A new automobile speed record was set at 39 mph (63 kph).
1903 The Panama Canal Zone was acquired 'in perpetuity' by the
U.S. for an annual rent.
1912 The discovery of the Piltdown Man in East Sussex was
announced. It was proved to be a hoax in 1953.
1916 During World War I, after 10 months of fighting the French
finally won a battle at Verdun.
1936 Su-Lin, the first giant panda to come to the U.S. from China,
arrived in San Francisco, CA. The bear was sold to the
Brookfield Zoo for $8,750.
1940 Adolf Hitler signed a secret directive ordering preparations
for a Nazi invasion of the Soviet Union. Operation "Barbarossa"
was launched in June 1941.
1944 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the wartime relocation of
Japanese-Americans.
1950 NATO foreign ministers approved plans to defend Western Europe,
including the use of nuclear weapons, if necessary.
1953 WPTZ, in Philadelphia, PA, presented a Felso commercial, it was
the first color telecast seen on a local station.
1956 Japan was admitted to the United Nations.
1957 The Shippingport Atomic Power Station in Pennsylvania went
online. It was the first nuclear facility to generate electricity
in the United States. It was taken out of service in 1982.
1965 Kenneth LeBel jumped 17 barrels on ice skates.
1969 Britain's Parliament abolished the death penalty for murder.
1970 Divorce became legal in Italy.
1972 The United States began the heaviest bombing of North Vietnam
during the Vietnam War. The attack ended 12 days later.
1973 The IRA launched its Christmas bombing campaign in London.
1979 The sound barrier was broken on land for the first time by
Stanley Barrett when he drove at 739.6 mph.
1983 Wayne Gretzky (Edmonton Oilers) scored his 100th point in
the 34th game of the season.
1998 Russia recalled its U.S. ambassador in protest of the U.S.
attacks on Iraq.
1998 South Carolina proceeded with the U.S.' 500th execution
since capital punishment was restored.
1999 After living atop an ancient redwood in Humboldt County, CA,
for two years, environmental activist Julia "Butterfly" Hill came
down, ending her anti-logging protest.
2001 A fire damaged New York City's St. John Cathedral. The
cathedral is the largest in the United States.
2009 General Motors announced that it would shut down its
Saab brand.
2009 A Paris court ruled that Google was breaking French law
with its policy of digitizing books and fined the company
$14,300-a-day until it rids its search engine of the
literary extracts.
2009 James Cameron's movie "Avatar" was released in the United
States. On January 26, the movie became the highest-grossing
film worldwide.
2010 In Nanjing, China, the Zifeng Tower opened.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Texan arrested after he drives his pickup
into Alva, Oklahoma hotel lobby, on perpose.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 17, in
1777 France recognized American independence.
History
______________________________________________________
"And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter?
Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some
old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home
winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?"
--- Homer Simpson
"Those who have knowledge, don't predict.
Those who predict, don't have knowledge. "
--- Lao Tzu (6th Century BC Chinese Poet)
"When it is time to die,
let us not discover that we never lived."
--- Henry David Thoreau
______________________________________________________
How does Janice like being pregnant?" Bob asked his friend
John.
"Oh, she's not pregnant," John replied, "she's expecting."
"What's the difference?" Bob pressed.
"Well, John explained, "She's expecting me to cook dinner,
she's expecting me to do the housework, she's expecting me
to bring her daily presents, she's expecting me to rub her
feet . . ."
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A lion woke up one morning feeling rowdy. He went out and
cornered a small monkey and roared, "Why am I so much
stronger than you are?"
The trembling monkey said, "Because you are the King of the
Jungle, mighty lion!"
Later, the lion confronted a deer and bellowed, "Why am I so
much stronger than you are?"
The terrified deer stammered, "Oh great lion, because you are
the King of the Jungle, you are by far the mightiest animal in
the jungle!"
On a roll, the lion swaggered up to little field mouse and roared,
"Why am I so much stronger than you are?"
And the little field mouse replied,
"Because I haven't had my coffee yet."
______________________________________________________
Giving a man his physical, a doctor noticed several dark, ugly
bruises on his shins, so he asked, "Do you play hockey, soccer,
or any physical sport?"
"No, not at all.
Sometimes when we play bridge with our neighbors, I have to
partner with my wife."
______________________________________________________
Heirloom Big Book Of Classic
Christmas Stories 2nd Edition with more
stories and pictures
$10 instant download
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
John Parsley,
62,
Gonzales,
Texas
Texan arrested after he drives his pickup
into Alva, Oklahoma hotel lobby, on perpose.
A Texas man accused of driving his pickup into the lobby
of an Alva hotel is facing felony charges in the incident.
John Parsley, 62, of Gonzales, Texas, faces two felony counts
of assault and battery with a dangerous weapon and one count
of malicious injury to property over $1,000, according to
oscn.net.
Woods County District Attorney Chris Boring filed charges late
Monday afternoon.
According to an Alva Police Department incident report,
Parsley drove his 2006 Sierra GMC into the lobby of Alva
Comfort Inn and Suites on Thursday afternoon after asking
for a refund on two transactions.
According to the report, Parsley, was told the card he used
initially was declined both times.
“Parsley stated he had paid cash for the last two nights
because his card was declined both nights,” according to
the report.
Alva Police Officer Wade Suffon reported he tried to explain
to Parsley that he would go into the hotel to discuss the
situation with management.
“Parsley rolled his window down and looked at me as I was
speaking to him trying to explain to him I was going to go
inside to speak with the manager,” according to Suffon's
report. “I observed Parsley reach up and place his vehicle
in drive and accelerate rapidly, crashing into the hotel front
entrance and into the lobby.”
Parsley left the vehicle in the lobby and walked out with his
hands up, according to the report. He was arrested and is being
held in Woods County Jail.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Olga
Re: Weird invoices
Dear Webby,
Lately I have reeceived all kinds of weird invoices from
companies I have never dealt with, usually companies that
I have never heard of before.
They all want me to click on a link for details. Well, as
you can probably tell from my seasoned looks, I have not
fallen off the turnip wagon last night. So naturally I
did not click on any link.
My question is where did those benighted scammers get my
email address, and how can I stop getting those phony
invoices?
Olga
Dear Olga
Most of those phony invoices are from Russia.
If you use MailWasher,
and you have not set it to send stuff like that to hell
automatically, it would tell you something like
blah, blah, blah
Mr. Kenton Mendez
Accounting Specialist| Bank of America, N.A., Cabot Oil & Gas Corp.
invoice_14318911_scan.doc
If mailwasher could laugh out loud, it would.
First, the .ru (Russia) in the FROM filed knocks it out.
I never get legitimate mail from Russia, so I won't let
them waste my time.
Then ....scan.doc in the BODY knocks it down to hell.
I had to look in the Recycle Bin for that example.
My MailWasher dumps those automatically, without showing
them to me.
Just make filters like those, and you will never see those
phony invoice emails ever again.
Are you getting the hint why I love mailWasher so much?
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a
policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how
he liked his new role.
"Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad,
but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
15-Minute Chicken Cacciatore
A delicious meal cooked in a pressure cooker. Your house will
smell like an Italian restaurant.
Next time I make this recipe, I'm going to chop all the
vegetables the night before. It will be even faster.
Approximate Time: 30 minutes
Yield: 4 servings
Ingredients:
1 (3 1/2 lb) chicken, cut into 8 pieces (I used chicken
thighs, and took off the skin)
1 1/2 tsp salt, divided (I used less)
1 tsp black pepper, divided
1 can (28 oz) diced tomatoes, undrained
8 oz fresh mushrooms, cut in quarters
1 large green pepper, cut into 1-inch chunks
1 large onion, chopped
3 cloves, garlic, minced
1 jar (24 ounce) spaghetti sauce
2 tsp Italian seasoning
Steps:
Sprinkle the chicken with the salt and pepper. Put in a
5-quart or larger pressure cooker.
Add the remaining ingredients in the order listed.
Do not stir!
Lock the lid. Put on high heat and bring to full pressure.
Reduce the heat to maintain the pressure for 12 minutes.
If you are using an electric pressure cooker, set the timer
for 12 minutes.
Quick release.
Remove the lid, stir and serve the chicken with the sauce
on the top.
Source: Cook it Slow, Cook it Fast by Mr. Food
By Judy Pariser S. [73]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
Two men from Arkansas are Walking along Sam Houston Street
they see a sign which reads,
"Suits $5.00 each, Shirts $2.00 each, Trousers $2.50 per pair"
Bubba says to his pal, Josh: "LOOK! We could buy a whole lot
of those, and when we get back home we could make a fortune.
Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me
do all the talking 'cause if they hear our accent, they might not
serve us. I'll speak in my best Texas drawl."
They go in and Bubba orders 50 suits at 5.00 each, 100 shirts at
2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at 2.50 each.
"I'll back up my pickup and...."
The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Arkansas, aren't
you?"
"Oh, yes," says a surprised Bubba. "How come you know that?"
The owner says, "This is a dry-cleaners business."
___________________________________________________

Silent Monks singing Hallelujah Chorus

____________________________________________________
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear
about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have
to hear about the way his mother cooked.
____________________________________________________
The Indians asked their Chief if the coming winter was going to be
cold or not. Not really knowing the answer, the chief replied that
the winter will be cold and that the members of the village should
collect wood to be prepared.
Being a good leader, he then drove to town, called the National
Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?"
The man on the phone responded, "This winter is indeed
going to be very cold."
So the Chief went back to encourage his people to collect even
more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National
Weather Service again, and asked again, "Is it going to be a very
cold winter?"
"Yes," the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."
The Chief went back to his people and ordered them to go out and
bring back every scrap of wood they could find.
Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again.
"Are you absolutely sure that this winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely" the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like
crazy!"
____________________________________________________

Japanese Army Brigade builds 50 ft. Vader out of snow.

Today, December 17, in
1777 France recognized American independence.
1791 A traffic regulation in New York City established the
first street to go "One Way."
1895 George L. Brownell received a patent for his paper-twine
1903 The first successful gasoline-powered airplane flight took
place near Kitty Hawk, NC. Orville and Wilbur Wright made the
flight.
1939 The German pocket battleship Graf Spee was scuttled by
its crew, bringing the World War II Battle of the Rio de la
Plata off Uruguay to an end.
1944 The U.S. Army announced the end of its policy of excluding
Japanese-Americans from the West Coast which ensured that Japanese-
Americans were released from concentration camps.
1957 The United States successfully test-fired the Atlas
intercontinental ballistic missile for the first time.
1969 The U.S. Air Force closed its Project "Blue Book" by
concluding that there was no evidence of extraterrestrial
spaceships behind thousands of UFO sightings.
1973 Thirty-one people were killed at Rome airport when Arab
guerillas hijacked a German airliner.
1978 OPEC decided to raise oil prices by 14.5% by the end of 1979.
1986 Wayne "Danke Schoen" Newton won a $19.2 million suit against
NBC News. NBC had aired reports claiming a link between Newton and
mob figures. The reports were proven to be false.
1986 Davina Thompson became the world's first recipient of a heart,
lungs, and liver transplant.
1986 Eugene Hasefus was pardoned and then released by Nicaragua. He
had been convicted of running guns to the Contras.
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush, Canadian Prime Minister Brian
Mulroney and Mexican President Carlos Salinas de Gortari signed the
North American Free Trade Agreement.
1992 Israel deported over 400 Palestinians to Lebanese territory
in an unprecedented mass expulsion of suspected militants.
1996 Peruvian guerrillas took hundreds of people hostage at the
Japanese embassy in Lima. The siege ended on April 22, 1997,
with a commando raid that resulted in the deaths of all the
rebels, two commandos and one hostage.
1996 The Red Cross pulled all but a few of its western staff
out of Chechnya after six foreign aid workers were killed by
masked gunmen.
1997 U.S. President Clinton signed the No Electronic Theft Act.
The act removed protection from individuals who claimed that
they took no direct financial gains from stealing copyrighted
works and downloading them from the Internet.
2002 U.S. President George W. Bush ordered the Pentagon to have
ready for use within two years a system for protecting American
territory, troops and allies from ballistic missile attacks.
2004 U.S. President George W. Bush signed into law the largest
overhaul of U.S. intelligence gathering in 50 years. The bill
aimed to tighten borders and aviation security. It also created
a federal counterterrorism center and a new intelligence director.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Paranoid Florida man was arrested after he
called 911 on himself.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 16, in
1773 Nearly 350 chests of tea were dumped into Boston Harbor
off of British ships by Colonial patriots. The patriots were
disguised as Indians. The act was to protest taxation without
representation and the monopoly the government granted to the
East India Company.
History
______________________________________________________
An opinion should be the result of thought,
not a substitute for it.
--- Jef Mallett, Frazz, 04-04-07
"Vegetarians don't live longer, they just look older."
--- Socratex
A coupla months in the laboratory
can save a coupla hours in the library.
--- Westheimer's Discovery
______________________________________________________
While leading a party of girl guides through the woods in silent
Cowboys and Indian fashion, our troop leader suddenly came upon a
clearing where a young couple was engaged in some rather romantic
activities.
"Back ladies, back !" cried the leader, "There's a very dangerous
beast out there!"
But it was too late, several of the kids had more-or-less seen all.
They asked their leader what was happening.
"Well, if you... er... must know, they were practicing a brand new
form of artificial respiration."
"WOW !" exclaimed the oldest of the group. "I sure know which merit
badge I'm gonna try for next."
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
As the Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding along towards the
north, they spotted a war party of about 50 Apaches coming
at them. They turned south, but another war party appeared.
They turned east and met another party of 100. They turned
west as their last remaining hope and saw a party of 500.
The Lone Ranger turned to his friend and said,
"Well, Tonto, this is the end, there's not much we can do."
Tonto looked back at the Lone Ranger.
"What you mean WE, white man?"
______________________________________________________
Once upon a time,....
Margaret Thatcher and her Cabinet were meeting over lunch
to discuss an important bit of impending legislation.
"And what will you have, Madam?" asked the waiter, coming
over with his notepad.
"I'll have the Beef Wellington," replied the Prime Minister
promptly, eager to get on with the business at hand.
"And, for the vegetables?" continued the waiter politely.
Thatcher replied briskly, "They'll have the same."
______________________________________________________
Heirloom Big Book Of Classic
Christmas Stories 2nd Edition with more
stories and pictures
$10 instant download
______________________________________________________
Thanks to dad for this picture:
These bloomed today, like every December.
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Jasper Harrison,
47,
Edgewater,
Florida
Paranoid Florida man was arrested after he
called 911 on himself.
A Florida man, accused of growing marijuana in a storage
unit was arrested after he called 911 on himself.
According to the Orlando Sentinel, Jasper Harrison was in
the storage unit when he heard a helicopter hovering over
the area in Edgewater, Florida.
Worried that he’d soon be arrested, he called 911.
“I’m the guy they’re looking for,” he told the dispatcher.
As it turned out, police weren’t in the area looking for
Harrison. Instead, they were there investigating the
suspicious but unrelated death of a man on the same street.
The helicopter Harrison heard while in the storage unit
was that of a television station reporting on the
suspicious death, police say.
When they responded to the storage unit, police found
marijuana growing inside it.
He now faces charges of cultivating cannabis within
1,000 feet of a school, and possession with intent
to sell.
He was released from jail on bond.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Peter
Re: Did I win money from FaceBook
Dear Webby,
Some too cute looking lady friended me on FaceBook,
and told me I had won $5000 on some kind of FaceBook
draw. Since I had never heard of any money give-away
at FaceBook, I did not respond yet.
What should I do?
Peter
Dear Peter
Just tell her to deposit it into your PayPal account.
Don't give out any bank information or street address
or phone number or email address, just your PayPal address.
Since it is just a cheap crook, feel free to get as ornery
and obnoxious as you want. Tell her that if she is not a
lying crook in Nigeria or Ghana or Russia, to stop her BS
and deposit YOUR money into your PayPal account.
She will go away.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and
taken it to their room, where much to the groom's annoyance,
the bird kept up a running commentary on their love-making.
Finally the groom threw a large towel over the cage and
threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if he didn't quit it.
The next morning, packing to return home, the couple couldn't
close a large suitcase.
The groom said, "Darling, you get on top and I'll try."
That didn't work. Figuring they needed more weight on the lid,
she said, "Sweetheart, you get on top and I'll try."
Still no success. Then he said, "Look. Let's both get on top
and try."
At that point the parrot pulled away the towel with his beak
and said, "Zoo or no zoo, both on top, THAT I gotta see!"
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Quick and Easy Poached Eggs
Fill a pot half way with water and bring to a boil. Spray
the inside of a baggie with cooking spray and break one
or more eggs into the baggie. Squeeze out most of the air
while zipping the baggie closed. Drop the baggie into the
pot of water reducing heat to medium/low and cover. I cooked
two eggs for 5 minutes but increase/decrease time according
to number of eggs being poached. The baggie allows for a
good visual check during cooking. When the eggs are done,
remove the baggie from the water using tongs. Open baggie
carefully - contents will be hot - and simply pour the
eggs out. No more stringy whites clinging to the inside of
the pot!
By oSandi [17]
If you don't have a microwave, this
method might work OK for you.
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
Talk about your fruits and nuts!
Radical vegans - who avoid any product that comes from
animals - are now buzzing about the evils of honey.
They claim its production uses the labor of oppressed
non-union worker bees, according to a Time magazine report
on the growing numbers of American nuts, ahem vegetarians.
___________________________________________________

Why, yes it IS my twisted sense of humor. Why do you ask?

____________________________________________________
This moose be Alaska!
____________________________________________________
A man walks into a bar with a duck and a big bisquit tin.
He sets the duck on top of the biscuit box on the bar and the
duck begins dancing. The barman finds this rather interesting,
as do the rest of the patrons in the bar. They all gather around
the duck and watch it for a long time.
While everyone is watching the duck dance, they buy more
drinks from the bar. By the end of the night, the bar is full of
people watching this amazing duck, still dancing and letting out
an odd quack now and again.
The barman realizes that he hasn't had business this good in a
long time. Business is so good, in fact, that he offers to buy the
duck from the man.
The man tells the bartender that he can have the duck for 500
pounds. The barman thinks it is a bit expensive, but agrees to
buy the duck anyway.
After selling the duck, the man goes home, leaving a crowded
pub watching his dancing duck.
Later that night, the man gets a telephone call from the barman,
who exclaims that the duck is a great success and that he has
earned his money back in the amount of drinks he has sold.
Then the barman says,
"There is one thing, though. How do you get the duck to stop
dancing?"
And the man says, "Oh, it's simple. Just take the lid of the
biscuit box and blow out the candle."
____________________________________________________

A wood Christmas tree that is truly a work of art.

Today, December 16, in
1653 Oliver Cromwell became lord protector of England,
Scotland and Ireland.
1773 Nearly 350 chests of tea were dumped into Boston Harbor
off of British ships by Colonial patriots. The patriots were
disguised as Indians. The act was to protest taxation without
representation and the monopoly the government granted to the
East India Company.
1809 Napoleon Bonaparte was divorced from the Empress Josephine
by an act of the French Senate.
1835 In New York, 530 buildings were destroyed by fire.
1838 The Zulu chief Dingaan was defeated by a small force
of Boers at Blood River celebrated in South Africa as
'Dingaan's Day'.
1850 The first immigrant ship, the Charlotte Jane, arrived
at Lyttleton, New Zealand.
1901 "The Tale of Peter Rabbit," by Beatrix Potter, was
printed for the first time.
1940 French Premier Petain arrested Pierre Laval after learning
of a plan for Laval to seize power and set up a new government
with German support.
1944 During World War II, the Battle of the Bulge began in
Belgium. It was the final major German counteroffensive.
1950 U.S. President Truman proclaimed a national state of
emergency in order to fight "Communist imperialism."
1960 A United Air Lines DC-8 and a TWA Super Constellation
collided over New York City, killing 134 people.
1990 Jean-Bertrand Aristide, a leftist priest, was elected
president in Haiti's first democratic elections.
1991 The U.N. General Assembly rescinded its 1975 resolution
equating Zionism with racism by a vote of 111-25.
1996 Britain's agriculture minister announced the slaughter of
an additional 100,000 cows thought to be at risk of
contracting BSE in an effort to persuade the EU to lift its
ban on Britain.
1998 The U.S. and Britain fired hundreds of missiles on Iraq
in response to Saddam Hussein's refusal to comply with U.N.
weapons inspectors.
1998 Eric Michelman filed the earliest patent for a scroll wheel
for a computer mouse.
1999 Torrential rains and mudslides in Venezuela left thousands
of people dead and forced at least 120,000 to leave their homes.
2000 Researchers announced that information from NASA's Galileo
spacecraft indicated that Ganymede appeared to have a liquid
saltwater ocean beneath a surface of solid ice. Ganymede, a
moon of Jupiter, is the solar system's largest moon. The
discovery is considered important since water is a key
ingredient for life.
2000 U.S. President-elect George W. Bush selected Colin Powell
to be the first African-American secretary of state.
2001 In Tora Bora, Afghanistan, tribal fighters announced that
they had taken the last al-Quaida positions. More than 200
fighters were killed and 25 captured. They also announced that
they had found no sign of Osama bin Laden.
2001 Cuba received the first commercial food shipment from the
United States in nearly 40 years. The shipment was sent to help
Cuba after Hurrican Michelle hit Cuba on November 4, 2001.
2009 Astronomers discovered GJ1214b. It was the first-known
exoplanet on which water could exist.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Ohio woman arrested after eating cereal
during high speed chase
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 15, in
2000 - New York Senator-elect Hillary Rodham Clinton agreed to
accept an $8 million book deal with Simon & Schuster. The book
was to be about her eight years in the White House.
History
______________________________________________________
A good listener is usually thinking about something else.
--- Kin Hubbard (1868 - 1930)
The difference between truth and fiction:
fiction has to make sense.
--Mark Twain
______________________________________________________
During a service at an old synagogue in Eastern Europe, when
the Shema prayer was said, half the congregants stood up
and half remained sitting.
The half that was seated started yelling at those standing
to sit down, and the ones standing yelled at the ones
sitting to stand up.
The rabbi, learned as he was in the Law and commentaries,
didn't know what to do. His congregation suggested that he
consult a house-bound 98 year old man, who was one of the
original founders of their temple. The rabbi hoped the
elderly man would be able to tell him what the actual temple
tradition was, so he went to the nursing home with a
representative of each faction of the congregation.
The one whose followers stood during Shema said to the old
man, "Is the tradition to stand during this prayer?"
The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition."
The one whose followers sat asked, "Is the tradition to sit
during Shema?"
The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition."
Then the rabbi said to the old man, "The congregants fight
all the time, yelling at each other about whether they
should sit or stand."
The old man interrupted, exclaiming, "THAT is the tradition!"
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
At one point in my life I had considered joining the Baptist
Church. For those of you who don't know, the Baptists
practice total body immersion to baptize a person. Luckily I
even knew a minister in that faith, having once dated his
daughter, and I asked him if he would consider performing
the service.
He paused a minute or two, gave me a long thoughtful look
and said,
"Yes,....I could do it, if you're serious about this. However, just
a quick dipping won't do it for you. We'll have to find a deep
place to anchor you overnight."
______________________________________________________
A second grader came home from school and said to her mother,
"Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today."
The mother, more that a little surprised, asked fearfully,
"That's interesting. How do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl.
"You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
______________________________________________________
Heirloom Big Book Of Classic
Christmas Stories 2nd Edition with more
stories and pictures
$10 instant download
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Paula Johannessen,
42,
Columbus,
Ohio
Ohio woman arrested after eating cereal
during high speed chase
A motorist who was spotted eating cereal as she drove along
an Ohio interstate led police on a 30-mile chase that ended
with her arrest on multiple criminal charges.
According to investigators, Paula Johannessen was spotted
driving erratically around 2:30 AM Tuesday on Interstate 70
outside Columbus. After pulling over Johannessen’s car,
a Madison County Sheriff’s Office deputy noticed that the
42-year-old was "eating a bowl of cereal as she was driving."
After Sergeant Tim Winebrenner told Johannessen that she was
stopped for weaving across the road, she “stated that she
had been eating her cereal and didn’t mean to go over the
lines” according to a criminal complaint.
During the traffic stop, Johannessen sped away from the cop,
prompting a high-speed chase that moved into a neighboring
county. At times driving over 100 mph, Johannessen ran over
“stop sticks” that cops deployed to deflate her tires.
After her shredded left front tire came off the car,
Johannessen continued to drive on the rim. But when the
vehicle lost its transmission and became disabled,
Johannessen bolted from the auto (though she was quickly
apprehended by pursuing officers).
Seen above, Johannessen was charged with fleeing or eluding
police, a felony, and obstructing justice, a misdemeanor.
She is also facing raps for reckless driving and driving with
a suspended license.
Investigators have not identified Johannessen’s preferred
brand of cereal.
Johannessen pleaded guilty earlier this year to a felony
heroin possession charge, for which she was sentenced to five
years probation. A judge also suspended her driver’s license
for six months and ordered, “No drugs, no alcohol, no bars.”
A court filing notes that if Johannessen violates her probation,
she will be sent to state prison for one year.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Alicia
Re: More visible cursor
Dear Webby,
Lately I have had more and more trouble seeing my cursor.
It has gotten worse since I added a second monitor. How
can I fix that? I have Windows 7.
Alicia
Dear Alicia
There are programs that provide different and colorful
cursors, however, some of them have a "payload",
malware attached or included. Unless you have
Malwarebytes running, be extremely careful and read the
"agreement" carefully.
Before going that far, try the built in options.
Click on START
Control Panel
Ease of Access
Make the Mouse easier....
That option may be labelled slightly different,
Hit that and you see some examplpe mouse pointers.
Select the middle one on the right side:
Large Inverting
Hit APPLY and then OK.
Exit the Control Panel.
Now you have a cursor that changes from dark to light
depending on the background.
You can go a step larger if necessary, but try this size
first.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Jeff had gone to propose to his girlfriend and returned home
crying bitterly. "What happened, son?" his father asked,
eagerly awaiting her response. "Did she accept?"
"No, she sure didn't," sobbed Jeff. "When I told her what
you advised me to say, she slapped my face and told me
to get out."
"Did you begin by telling her what I told you to say,
what I told your mother when she accepted my proposal?
'Sweetheart, time stands still when I look in your eyes.'
Did you tell her that?" asked his father.
"More or less, but maybe I got it mixed up a bit,"
Jeff groaned. "I said, 'My Dear, you have a face that
would stop a clock'!"
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Quick and Easy Poached Eggs
Fill a pot half way with water and bring to a boil. Spray
the inside of a baggie with cooking spray and break one
or more eggs into the baggie. Squeeze out most of the air
while zipping the baggie closed. Drop the baggie into the
pot of water reducing heat to medium/low and cover. I cooked
two eggs for 5 minutes but increase/decrease time according
to number of eggs being poached. The baggie allows for a
good visual check during cooking. When the eggs are done,
remove the baggie from the water using tongs. Open baggie
carefully - contents will be hot - and simply pour the
eggs out. No more stringy whites clinging to the inside of
the pot!
By oSandi [17]
If you don't have a microwave, this
method might work OK for you.
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
An old fellow came into the hospital almost dying due to an
infected gallbladder. After what seemed aeons of tests and
preparations, the gall bladder surgeon removed the gall
bladder without any fuss or problem and had the patient sent
up to the post-op ward.
The charge nurse there insisted that all patients be up and
walking in the hall the day after surgery, to help prevent blood
clots forming in the leg veins. The nurses walked the patient in
the hall as ordered, even though the head nurse had to raise
her mighty voice, once, and keep her stern gaze on him the
first three days as two student nurses half carried, half
dragged him up and down the hallway.
On the fifth day they were able to walk him hangin on to only
one nurse, and on the tenth day the nurse noticed that the
reason he was hanging on now had not much to do with
balance and support any more.
After two weeks the patient was ready to go home. His family
came to pick him up and thanked the surgeon profusely for
what he had done for their father, telling him he was a miracle
worker.
The surgeon was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told
them that it was really a simple operation and that they had
been lucky to get him into the hospital time.
"Oh no,doctor, you don't understand," they said, "Our father
hasn't walked in over ten years!"
___________________________________________________

Chuck Norris Christmas Split

____________________________________________________
Catherine, a RN, was unhappy with her job, so she submitted
her resignation. She was sure she'd have no trouble finding
a new position, because of the nursing shortage in her area.
She e-mailed cover letters to dozens of potential employers
and attached her resume to each one. Two weeks later,
Catherine was dismayed and bewildered that she had not
received even one request for an interview.
Finally she received a message from a prospective employer
that explained the reason she hadn't heard from anyone else.
It read: "Your resume was not attached as stated. I do, how-
ever, want to thank you for the meatloaf-lasagna recipe."
____________________________________________________
Ray had just reached his 175th birthday last week.
Surrounded by reporters, he was asked,
"Excuse me, sir, but how did you come to live to be 175?"
Ray answered, "It was easy. I just never argue with anyone."
A reporter shot back, "That's crazy. It had to be something
else -- diet, meditation, or *something*. Just not
arguing won't keep you alive for 175 years!"
The old fella stared hard at the reporter for several
seconds. Then he shrugged.
"Hmmm. Maybe you're right."
____________________________________________________

People are awesome! Best of the month November 2015.

Today, December 15, in
1654 - A meteorological office established in Tuscany began
recording daily temperature readings.
1840 - Napoleon Bonapart's remains were interred in Les
Invalides in Paris, having been brought from St. Helena,
where he died in exile.
1854 - In Philadelphia, the first street cleaning machine
was put into use.
1877 - Thomas Edison patented the phonograph.
1890 - American Sioux Indian Chief Sitting Bull and 11 other
tribe members were killed in Grand River, SD, during an
incident with Indian police.
1939 - "Gone With the Wind," produced by David O. Selznick
based on the novel by Margaret Mitchell, premiered at Loew's
Grand Theater in Atlanta. The movie starred Vivien Leigh and
Clark Gable.
1944 - A single-engine plane carrying U.S. Army Major Glenn
Miller disappeared in thick fog over the English Channel while
en route to Paris.
1944 - Dr. R. Townley Paton and a small group of doctors laid
the groundwork for the Eye-Bank for Sight Restoration.
1961 - Former Nazi official Adolf Eichmann was sentenced to death
in Jerusalem by an Israeli court. He had been tried on charges
for organizing the deportation of Jews to concentration camps.
1964 - Canada's House of Commons approved a newly designed flag
thereby dropping the Canadian "Red Ensign" flag.
1965 - Two U.S. manned spacecraft, Gemini 6 and Gemini 7,
maneuvered within 10 feet of each other while in orbit around
the Earth.
1970 - The Soviet probe Venera 7 became the first spacecraft to
land softly on the surface of Venus. The probe only survived the
extreme heat and pressure for about 23 minutes and transmitted
the first data received on Earth from the surface of another
planet.
1978 - U.S. President Carter announced he would grant diplomatic
recognition to Communist China on New Year's Day and sever
official relations with Taiwan.
1979 - The former shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, left the
United States for Panama. He had gone to the U.S. for medical
treatment on October 22, 1979.
1982 - Gibraltar's frontier with Spain was opened to pedestrian
use after 13 years.
1983 - The last 80 U.S. combat soldiers in Grenada withdrew. It
was just over seven weeks after the U.S.-led invasion of the
Caribbean island.
1992 - IBM announced it would eliminate 25-thousand employees.
1992 - El Salvador's government and leftist guerrilla leaders
formally declared the end of the country's 12-year civil war.
1996 - Boeing Co. announced plans to pay $13.3 billion to acquire
rival aircraft manufacturer McDonnell Douglas Corp.
2000 - The Chernobyl atomic power plant in Kiev, Ukraine,
was shut down.
2000 - New York Senator-elect Hillary Rodham Clinton agreed to
accept an $8 million book deal with Simon & Schuster. The book
was to be about her eight years in the White House.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, December 14
For a few days I had a terrible and mysterious pin at the
left knee, and could not figure out what caused it. Friends
had all kinds of helpful suggestions, heat, ice, organic
cherry juice, and so on.
I still went for my daily walk. though fopr a couple days
a different route. Then last night I went again the old
route. Getting close to home I stepped off the sidewalk
and onto the street to bypass a frozen puddle.
That reminded me that I had slipped there, done some wild
acrobatics and twerked the moon, but landed back on my feet.
Looking at that frozen puddle I realized that I had simply
put my knee out and just pulled a ligament or something.
Once I had it figured out and knew it was not some
mysterious, long lasting illness, everything got better
quickly. I am now already walking without any limping.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 14, in
1900 Professor Max Planck of Berlin University revealed
his revolutionary Quantum Theory.
History
______________________________________________________
We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit
on the curb and clap as they go by.
--- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
______________________________________________________
The happy couple were being interviewed on their Golden
Wedding Anniversary. The society reporter asked,
"In all that time, did you ever consider a divorce?"
"Oh, no, not divorce, we're too old fashioned for that," the
husband replied.
"Murder fequently," the wife offered, "but never divorce."
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the
Great Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show
how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk
science and spreading fear of everything in our environment.
In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict
control or total elimination of the chemical
"dihydrogen monoxide."
And for plenty of good reasons, since:
1. it can cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2. it is a major component in acid rain
3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
4. accidental inhalation can kill you
5. it contributes to erosion
6. it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients
8. It is linked to Global Warming
He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical.
Forty-three said yes, six were undecided, and only one knew
that the chemical was water.
The title of his prize winning project was, "How Gullible
Are We?" He feels the conclusion is obvious.
______________________________________________________
Have you heard about the new alcoholic beverage that's on
the market now? It's called Bourbon Renewal. After a few
drinks your old neighborhood starts to look a lot better.
______________________________________________________
Heirloom Big Book Of Classic
Christmas Stories 2nd Edition with more
stories and pictures
$10 instant download
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Tanisha Gilyard,
23,
Fort Myers
Florida
Fla. woman arrested after she threatened fast-food workers
A southwest Florida woman was arrested on Tuesday after
police said she become angry over a wrong order at a
Fort Myers area Burger King and threatened the workers.
Tarnisha Gilyard, 23, placed an order in the drive-through
of a Burger King at 6 p.m. Tuesday and called later to say
it was made incorrectly, WTSP reports. Police said Gilyard
then “returned to the store, threw her bag of food down,
and started cursing at workers.”
Witnesses told police that Gilyard was “screaming and cursing
at workers about the order,” police report. An assistant
manager offered to replace the order, which one worker said
was a “Crispy Chicken Jr.” plain.
According to police, a witness said Gilyard told workers
“I’m going to get a gun and shoot people with it,” “I’m gonna
get something from my car and get you,” “I’m gonna spray up
Burger King” and “I’ll beat the dog right out of you.”
Police said Gilyard had a black metal baton with her and
“struck a counter area near a cash register” as she screamed
curses at the workers.
She was arrested and faces two charges of aggravated assault
and one charge of marijuana possession.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Catherine
Re: Spam using my address
Dear Webby,
I send mail to myself quite often as a lazy and quick way
to sorta file stuff temporaritly. That way I can send memos
and ideas from any machine, and file it properly, when I
get to my main machine. That seems to work well.
Lately, though, I get a lot of spam pretending to be from
me. I do have MailWasher, and it works very well, but how
do I get it to dump mail, that has my address as the sender,
but only if it is phony?
Thanks
Catherine
Dear Catherine
A lot of us do that for fast memos or archiving.
The trick to use is the same as what I have used with the
Humor Letter since about 1994: Consistent subject line start.
You may have noticed that the subject line of the Humor Letter
always starts with "Humor: ", no matter what the topics are.
That allows you to filter it and never delete it, no matter what.
Do the same with your "Inter Machine Memos" or whatever you
call them.
Start the subject line with "` " or some easy symbol and a space.
Then make a filter telling MailWasher that
IF the sender is (your email address)
and
IF NOT the Subject line starts with "` ",
then mark that mail for deleting.
Scoot that filter up to the top.
You probably have already white-listed your own address,
if not, go ahead and white-list it (Friend).
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A Preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and
discovered a dead donkey in the church yard. He called the
police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the
police referred the Preacher to the health department.
They said since there was no health threat that he should call the
sanitation department. The manager said he could not pick up
the mule without authorization from the mayor.
Now the Preacher knew the mayor and was not to eager to call
him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to
deal with, but the Preacher called him anyway.
The mayor did not disappoint. He immediately began to rant &
rave at the pastor and finally said, "Why did you call me any
way? Isn't it your job to bury the dead?"
The preacher paused for a brief prayer and asked the Lord to
direct his response. He was led to say,
"Yes, Mayor, it is my job to bury the dead, but I always notify the
next of kin first, since they get to decide what kind of burial they
will pay for!"
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Fork to Hang Christmas Stocking
My roomie has a lovely fireplace. There is no way to hang her
stocking without a hook so I came up with an idea. She has a
salad fork that has been broken for a while. With a little
packaging tape and 3 minutes, her stocking is now up there
temporarily and no one had to go out in the rain for a
hanger. Done and Done!
By Sandi/Poor But Proud [455]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than
men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on the
average only 15,000 words a day, where as women use 30,000
words a day.
She thought about this for awhile and then told her husband
that women use twice as many words as men because they have
to repeat everything they say.
He said, "What?"
___________________________________________________

It's not about the nail

____________________________________________________
Matt's dad picked him up from school to take him to a dental
appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were
supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a
part.
Matt enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part.
"I play a man who's been married for twenty years."
"That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know
it they'll be giving you a speaking part."
____________________________________________________
Warning, this is a bad pun:
Three French legionnaires were crossing the desert. One
looked up and saw a mirage ad said. "By Gar!"
The second looked up and say the mirage and said, "By Gar!"
The third looked up and said, "Gee, a two gar mirage."
____________________________________________________

I love watching figure skaters and this Canadian
team just blew me away, they were so perfectly in
sync! I wonder how many hours, days and weeks it
took to perfect this routine.

Today, December 13, in
1798 David Wilkinson of Rhode Island patented the nut and
bolt machine.
1900 Professor Max Planck of Berlin University revealed
his revolutionary Quantum Theory.
1903 Orville Wright made the first attempt at powered flight.
The engine stalled during take-off and the plane was damaged
in the attempt. Three days later, after repairs were made,
the modern aviation age was born when the plane stayed aloft
for 12 seconds and flew 102 feet.
1911 Norwegian explorer Roald Amundsen became the first man
to reach the South Pole. He reached the destination 35 days
ahead of Captain Robert F. Scott.
1918 For the first time in Britain women (over 30) voted in
a General Election.
1939 The Soviet Union was dropped from the League of Nations.
1945 Josef Kramer, known as "the beast of Belsen," and 10
others were executed in Hamelin for the crimes they committed
at the Belsen and Auschwitz Nazi concentration camps.
1946 The U.N. General Assembly voted to establish the United
Nation's headquarters in New York City.
1959 Archbishop Makarios was elected Cyprus' first president.
1962 The U.S. space probe Mariner II approached Venus. It
transmitted information about the planet's atmosphere and
surface temperature.
1975 Six South Moluccan terrorists surrendered to police after
holding 23 people hostage for 12 days on a train near the Dutch
town of Beilen.
1981 Israel annexed the Golan Heights, seized from Syria in war
in 1967.
1983 The U.S. battleship New Jersey fired on Syrian positions in
Lebanon for the first time after American F-14 reconnaissance
flights were fired on.
1985 Wilma Mankiller became the first woman to lead a major
American Indian tribe as she formally took office as principal
chief of the Cherokee Nation of OKlahoma.
1986 The experimental aircraft Voyager, piloted by Dick Rutan
and Jeana Yeager, took off from California on the first non-stop,
non-refueled flight around the world. The trip took nine days to
complete.
1987 Chrysler pled no contest to federal charges of selling several
thousand vehicles as new when Chrysler employees had driven the
vehicles with the odometer disconnected.
1988 The first transatlantic underwater fiber-optic cable went
into service.
1995 AIDS patient Jeff Getty received the first-ever bone-marrow
transplant from a baboon.
1997 Cuban President Fidel Castro declared Christmas 1997 an
official holiday to ensure the success of Pope John Paul II's
upcoming visit to Cuba.
1999 U.S. and German negotiators agreed to establish a $5.2 billion
fund for Nazi-era slave and forced laborers.
1999 Charles M. Schulz announced he was retiring the "Peanuts"
comic strip. The last original "Peanuts" comic strip was published
on February 13, 2000.
2000 It was announced that American businessman Edmond Pope would
be released from a Russian prison for humanitarian reasons. Pope
had been sentenced to 20 years in prison after his conviction
on espionage charges.
2001 European Union leaders agreed to dispatch 3,000-4,000 troops
to join an international peacekeeping force in Afghanistan.
2001 The first commercial export, since 1963, of U.S. food to Cuba
began. The 24,000 metric tons for corn were being sent to replenish
what was lost when Hurricane Michelle struck on November 4.
2013 The Chinese spacecraft Chang'e 3 became the first spacecraft
to "soft"-land on the Moon since 1976. It was only the third
robotic rover to land on the moon.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Alaskan arrested after cops find "wad" of cash,
drugs inside her.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 13, in
1577 Five ships under the command of Sir Francis Drake left Plymouth,
England, to embark on Drake's circumnavigation of the globe. The
journey took almost three years.
History
______________________________________________________
Too often we... enjoy the comfort of opinion without
the discomfort of thought.
--- John F. Kennedy
______________________________________________________
Several months after a young man is hired, he is called into
the personnel director's office.
"What is the meaning of this?" the director asks.
"When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years
of experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've
ever held."
"Well," the young man replies, "in your advertisement you said
you wanted somebody with imagination, and since it was your
accounting department who found out, and not my supervisor,
I would say that was good enough."
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Two fathers-to-be met in the maternity waiting room.
"Can you believe this? The first day of our vacation,
and she goes into labor!"
The second one looks at the first and says,
"What do you have to complain about?
This is our honeymoon!"
______________________________________________________
===Thanks to Mary N for this:
DearWebby,
I had to check this out the minute I got the message. I never
knew this was available. Did you?????
To all:
This is very disconcerting! Now you can see anyone's Drivers
License on the Internet including your own. I just searched for
my license, and there it was, picture and all. This was something
I didn't know you could do. I am not sure I like this info out there
for everyone. What do you think?
Go to: http://www.license.shorturl.com/
, I looked up yours. Cute!
______________________________________________________
Heirloom Big Book Of Classic
Christmas Stories 2nd Edition with more
stories and pictures
$10 instant download
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Chelsea Sperry,
31,
Fairbanks,
Alaska
Alaskan arrested after cops find "wad" of cash,
drugs inside her.
An Alaska woman appears to have set the record for the amount
of counterfeit currency and narcotics hidden inside body
orifices, according to court records.
Fairbanks police were dispatched last month to an adult
novelty store after a clerk called 911 to report that a
couple sought to purchase merchandise with a counterfeit
$100 bill.
Before cops could get to the Castle Megastore, suspect Chelsea
Sperry, 31, left the business with a “large wad of cash”
provided by her boyfriend (who waited for police to arrive).
Shortly after Sperry drove away from the business, she was
pulled over by police who had been given her description by
the store employee.
When a check revealed that Sperry was driving with a suspended
license, she was arrested and transported to the Fairbanks
Correctional Center.
At the jail, a corrections officer observed Sperry “making
furtive movements toward her vagina,” according to a criminal
complaint. Sperry was then “put through a body scan,” which
revealed that she “had items concealed in her vagina and/or
anus.”
A female corrections officer subsequently “removed a wad of
cash and drugs from inside” Sperry. The haul included six
$100 bills, three $50 bills, and seven $20 bills, all of
which were counterfeit. The $890 in funny money, however,
was supplemented by a genuine $10 bill that “was discovered
in Sperry’s anus.”
Sperry’s vagina, investigators noted, also held two baggies
of methamphetamine, a baggie containing seven morphine sulfate
pills, and two baggies containing a “brown tarry substance”
that tested positive for heroin. The corrections officer also
recovered a “clear plastic baggie” containing 40 smaller
baggies that were similar in size to the ones containing the
meth and heroin. The smaller baggies, the complaint notes,
are “commonly used for the distribution of smaller amounts
of heroin and methamphetamine.”
Pictured above, Sperry was indicted on felony narcotics and
forgery charges, as well as two misdemeanor counts related to
driving with a suspended license. Sperry, who is free on $5000
bond, has been arrested twice this year for theft, though charges
were subsequently dropped in each case.
A police search of Sperry’s boyfriend, Jeffrey Martin, turned
up several hundred dollars and a digital scale, though he does
not appear to have been charged.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Jim
Re: USPS virus alert
Dear Webby,
The newest virus circulating is the UPS/Fed Ex/USPS Delivery
Failure.....
Jim
Dear Jim
That one used to be popular a couple of years ago, but
because most recipients had adequate virus protection,
it fizzled. However, the alert about is it still making
the rounds.
That is quite OK. It reminds people to be vigilant
and not fall for any flakey scam from unsolicited
mail.
If you have MailWasher, it will recognize scams like
that and show you that the actual sender is not UPS or
Western Union or the post office, but some scammer
in Russia.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
The proud father brought home a backyard swing set for his
children and immediately started to assemble it with all the
neighborhood children anxiously waiting to play on it. After
several hours of reading the directions, attempting to fit
bolt A into slot B, etc., he finally gave up and called
upon an old handyman working in a neighboring yard.
The old-timer came over, threw the directions away, and in
a short while had the set completely assembled.
It's beyond me," said the father, "how you got it together
without even reading instructions."
"To tell the truth," replied the old-timer, "I can't read,
and when you can't read, you've got to think."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Poaching Eggs
A skillet with a lid is needed. Add water to about 1 inch
or 1and a half inches. Put the lid on the skillet, and
bring the water to a boil. Then reduce the heat to simmer,
making certain that the skillet has smoldery, foggy water
inside of it, kind of like a "spa."
Then take the lid off, and crack the eggs, and gently put
them in the "smoldery, foggy" water. Put the lid back on
the skillet.
Let the eggs "steam" for several minutes. When they are
done to your likeness, remove them to a plate or plates.
You should now have very pretty poached eggs that are
either oval in shape, or round, but not bunched up,
and ragged like they often show on tv.
Source: I discovered this on my own.
By Carol L. from South Bend, IN
Personally, I prefer the microwave instructions
a day or two ago. Those work well fo me.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, "We've got
such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every
morning."
Her husband replied, "Well, lots of dogs can do that."
The wife responded, "But we've never subscribed to any
newspapers!"
___________________________________________________

Family of ducks tries to cross highway

____________________________________________________
>From Fred
A client brought a litter of golden-retriever puppies to a
veterinary clinic for inoculations. As the look-alike pups
squirmed over and under one another in their box,
I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones
from the rest. I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers,
and moistened each dog's head when I had finished.
After the fourth puppy, I noticed my hitherto talkative
client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head,
the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I didn't know
they had to be baptized."
____________________________________________________
A drill sergeant escorted new recruits to the mess hall. After
everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down
and told them, "There are three rules in this mess hall:
Shut up!
Eat up!
Get up!"
Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked,
"What is the first rule?" Much to the amusement of the other
instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison,
"Shut up, Sir!"
____________________________________________________

Beautiful homes made from shipping containers.

Today, December 13, in
1577 Five ships under the command of Sir Francis Drake left Plymouth,
England, to embark on Drake's circumnavigation of the globe. The
journey took almost three years.
1636 The United States National Guard was created when militia
regiments were organized by the General Court of the Massachusetts
Bay Colony.
1642 New Zealand was discovered by Dutch navigator Abel Tasman.
1809 The first abdominal surgical procedure was performed in
Danville, KY, on Jane Todd Crawford. The operation was
performed without an anesthetic.
1816 John Adamson received a patent for a dry dock.
1862 In America, an estimated 11,000 Northern soldiers were
killed or wounded when Union forces were defeated by Confederates
under General Robert E. Lee, at the Battle of Fredericksburg.
1883 The border between Ontario and Manitoba was established.
1884 Percy Everitt received a patent for the first coin-operated
weighing machine.
1913 It was announced by authorities in Florence, Italy, that the
"Mona Lisa" had been recovered. The work was stolen from the
Louvre Museum in Paris in 1911.
1918 U.S. President Wilson arrived in France, becoming the first
chief executive to visit a European country while holding office.
1921 Britain, France, Japan and the United States signed the
Pacific Treaty.
1937 Japanese forces took the Chinese city of Nanking (Nanjing).
An estimated 200,000 Chinese were killed over the next six weeks.
The event became known as the "Rape of Nanking."
1944 During World War II, the U.S. cruiser Nashville was badly
damaged in a Japanese kamikaze suicide attack. 138 people were
killed in the attack.
1964 In El Paso, TX, President Johnson and Mexican President
Gustavo Diaz Ordaz set off an explosion that diverted the Rio
Grande River, reshaping the U.S.-Mexican border. This ended a
century-old border dispute.
1978 The Philadelphia Mint began stamping the Susan B. Anthony
U.S. dollar. The coin began circulation the following July.
1980 Three days after a disputed general election, Uganda’s
President Milton Obote was returned to office.
1981 Authorities in Poland imposed martial law in an attempt to
crack down on the Solidarity labor movement. Martial law ended
formally in 1983.
1982 The Sentry Armored Car Company in New York discovered that
$11 million had been stolen from its headquarters overnight. It
was the biggest cash theft in U.S. history.
1988 A bankruptcy judge in Columbia, SC, ordered the assets of the
troubled PTL television ministry sold to a Toronto real estate
developer for $65 million.
1989 South African President F.W. de Klerk met for the first time
with imprisoned African National Congress leader Nelson Mandela,
at de Klerk's office in Cape Town.
1991 Five Central Asian republics of the Soviet Union agreed to
join the new Commonwealth of Independent States.
1991 North Korea and South Korea signed a historic non-aggression
agreement.
1993 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that people must receive a hearing
before property linked to illegal drug sales can be seized.
1993 The European Community ratified a treaty creating the European
Economic Area (EEA), to go into effect January 1, 1994.
1994 An American Eagle commuter plane carrying 20 people crashed short
of Raleigh-Durham International Airport in North Carolina,
killing 15 people.
1995 China's most influential democracy activist, Wei Jingsheng, who
already had spent 16 years in prison, was sentenced to 14 more years.
1998 Puerto Rican voters rejected U.S. statehood in a non-binding
referendum.
2000 U.S. Vice President Al Gore conceded the 2000 Presidential election
to Texas Gov. George W. Bush. The Florida electoral votes were won by
only 537 votes, which decided the election. The election had been
contested up to the U.S. Supreme Court, which said that the Florida
recount (supported by the Florida Supreme Court) was unconstitutional.
2000 Seven convicts, the "Texas 7," escaped from Connally Unit in Kenedy,
TX, southeast of San Antonio, by overpowering civilian workers and prison
employees. They fled with stolen clothing, pickup truck and 16 guns
and ammunition.
2001 The U.S. government released a video tape that showed Osama bin Laden
and others discussing their knowledge of the terrorist attacks on the
United States on September 11, 2001.
2001 Israel severed all contact with Yasser Arafat. Israel also launched
air strikes and sent troops into Palestine in response to a bus ambush
that killed 10 Israelis.
2001 Gunmen stormed the Indian Parliament and killed seven people and
injured 18. Security forces killed the attackers during a 90-minute
gunbattle.
2001 NBC-TV announced that it would begin running hard liquor commercials.
NBC issued a 19-point policy that outlined the conditions for accepting
liquor ads.
2001 Michael Frank Goodwin was arrested and booked on two counts of murder, one count of conspiracy and three special circumstances (lying in wait, murder for financial gain and multiple murder) in connection to the death of Mickey Thompson. Thompson and his wife Trudy were shot to death in their driveway on March 16, 1988. Thompson, known as the "Speed King," set nearly 500 auto speed endurance records including being the first person to travel more than 400 mph on land.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award
goes to a
California man arrested after he car jacks FedEx truck,
but did not know how to drive it.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 12, in
1792 In Vienna, 22-year-old Ludwig van Beethoven received one of
his first lessons in music composition from Franz Joseph Haydn.
History
______________________________________________________
When we ask for advice,
we are usually looking for an accomplice.
--- Marquis de la Grange (1639 - 1692)
______________________________________________________
A realty salesman had just closed his first deal, only to
discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely
under water.
"That customer's going to come back here pretty mad," he
said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?"
"Money back? Are you crazy???" roared the boss. "What kind
of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat."
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A knight and his men return to their castle after a hard
month of riding.
"How are we faring?" his king asks.
"Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging
on your behalf all month, burning the towns of your enemies
in the west."
"What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the
west!"
"Oh." replies the knight. "Well, you do now."
______________________________________________________
Rina puts a book on the librarian's desk and says, "This book
has no story and way too many characters."
The librarian says, "Thanks for bringing the phone book back!"
______________________________________________________
Heirloom Big Book Of Classic
Christmas Stories 2nd Edition with more
stories and pictures
$10 instant download
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
>Reported by Wayne
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Albert Luna,
19,
Coachella,
California
California man arrested after he car jacks FedEx truck,
but did not know how to drive it.
A 19-year-old man is behind bars today for allegedly trying
to carjack a FedEx delivery truck.
Albert Luna was being held in lieu of $60,000 bail at the
Riverside County jail in Indio, where he was booked on
suspicion of carjacking.
The attempted carjacking was reported about 3:45 p.m. Saturday
in the 85000 block of Araby Avenue, sheriff's Sgt.
John Clark said.
A delivery driver was parked in front of a home, unloading
packages, when Luna allegedly got into the truck and
demanded the keys, the sergeant said.
The driver gave the suspect the keys and ran to a nearby
home to call authorities, Clark said. The suspect, meanwhile,
allegedly started the truck,
but didn't know how to drive it, so he ran away,
the sergeant said.
Luna was identified and arrested during a follow-up
investigation on Sunday, Clark said.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Ron
Re: Book printer
Dear Webby,
Once upon a time you mentioned a printer utility for printing
big PDF files in paperback format for easier reading on
airplanes and buses. Do you still have that link?
Ron
Dear Ron
Yes, of course! ClickBook is a fantastic tool that is
indispensable.
With Clickbook you can print in any format you can dream of.
I use it to print in paperbook size (Half page) It shuffles
things and tells you to hit GO, then it prints one side. Then
it tells you to drop the output into the Input tray without
turning anythging. Then it runs the back sides.
After that, you drive some staples through the center,
and fold it.All pages are in proper sequence,
printed front and back. Book is ready. You just glue a
cute cover around it, and it is done.
It boggles the mind how it shuffles the pages so that
they all are in proper sequence front ant back,
when they are folded.
Clickbook has over 170 different layouts to choose from.
You can even do tri-fold brochures and CD case inserts.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A man with a heart condition inherits a million dollars. His
family, concerned that the shock might trigger a heart attack,
asks his minister to tell him about the windfall.
The minister goes to the man's house and, after pleasantries,
asks him, "What would you do if you inherited a million
dollars?"
"Well, pastor," the man says, "I think I would give half of it to
your church."
At that, the pastor keels over dead.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Peeling Boiled Eggs
Years ago when I cooked a lot, I read a tip for preventing
eggs from cracking while being boiled. The method was simple;
punch a hole in one end of the eggs with a pin before
dropping them into the water. This method works very well.
Note: I always peel my eggs under running water. Once water
gets between the shell membrane and the egg, the shell
slides off easily, sometimes in as little as three or four
large pieces.
By likekinds [113]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to
his mother, "Mom, what's sex?"
His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational
theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects
of the tricky subject.
When she had finished, the little lad produced a soccer
enrollment form which he had brought home from school and
said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this
one little square that has only room for one letter?"
___________________________________________________

Snowball fight

____________________________________________________
Two young men are speculating on how long they might live,
and one says he thinks he has a long life ahead of him.
"After all," he says, "my grandfather lived to be 96."
"Ninety-six? What finally got him?" the other man asks.
"Liquor and women."
"Well, that just goes to show you," snickers the friend,
"both will get you in the end."
"Well actually, no, it's not what you think," says the
first man.
"Toward the end, Grandpa couldn't get either one,
so he just laid down and died."
____________________________________________________
Two highway patrolmen stop a driver for speeding on the state
highway in Waxahachie, Texas. As they are writing up the
ticket, one trooper turns to the other and asks, "How do you
spell Waxahachie?"
The other one replies, "I don't know."
"What are we going to do?" the first one asks. "If we spell it
wrong, the judge will dismiss the charge."
"Well," says his partner, "why don't we just let him go and
stop him again when he gets to Waco?"
____________________________________________________

7 Day Forecast

Today, December 12, in
1791 The Bank of the United States, also known as the First Bank,
opened for business in Philadelphia, PA.
1792 In Vienna, 22-year-old Ludwig van Beethoven received one of
his first lessons in music composition from Franz Joseph Haydn.
1800 Washington, DC, was established as the capital of the US.
1896 Guglielmo Marconi gave the first public demonstration
of radio at Toynbee Hall, London.
1899 George Grant patented the wooden golf tee.
1900 Charles M. Schwab formed the United States Steel Corporation.
1901 The first radio signal to cross the Atlantic was picked up
near St. John's Newfoundland, by inventor Guglielmo Marconi.
1915 The first all-metal aircraft, the German Junkers J1, made
its first flight.
1917 Father Edward Flanagan opened Boys Town in Nebraska. The
farm village was for wayward boys. In 1979 it was opened to girls.
1925 The "Motel Inn," the first motel in the world, opened in
San Luis Obispo, CA.
1937 Japanese aircraft sank the U.S. gunboat "Panay" on China's
Yangtze River. Japan apologized for the attack, and paid
$2.2 million in reparations.
1946 A United Nations committee voted to accept a six-block tract
of Manhattan real estate to be the site of the UN's headquarters.
The land was offered as a gift by John D. Rockefeller Jr.
1951 The U.S. Navy Department announced that the world's first
nuclear powered submarine would become the sixth ship to bear
the name Nautilus.
1955 It was announced that the Ford Foundation gave $500,000,000
to private hospitals, colleges and medical schools.
1955 British engineer Christopher Cockerell patented the first
hovercraft.
1963 Kenya gained its independence from Britain.
1983 Car bombs were set off in front of the French and U.S.
embassies in Kuwait City. Shiite extremists were responsible
for the five deaths and 86 wounded. Total of five bombs went
off in different locations.
1984 In a telephone conversation with U.S. President Reagan,
William J. Schroeder complained of a delay in his Social
Security benefits. Schroeder received a check the following day.
1985 248 American soldiers and eight crewmembers were killed when
an Arrow Air charter crashed in Gander, Newfoundland after takeoff.
1989 Britain forcibly removed 51 Vietnamese from Hong Kong and
returned them to their homeland.
1989 Leona Helmsley was fined $7 million and sentenced to four
years in prison for tax evasion.
1991 At the Stanford Linear Accelerator Center (SLAC) in California,
the first web server outside of Europe was installed.
1995 The U.S. Senate stopped a constitutional amendment giving
Congress authority to outlaw flag burning and other forms of
desecration against the American flag.
1995 Two French airmen shot down over Bosnia arrived home after
almost four months of being held captive by the Bosnian Serbs.
1997 Ilich Ramirez Sanchez, the international terrorist known as
"Carlos the Jackal," went on trial in Paris on charges of killing
two French investigators and a Lebanese national. He was
convicted and sentenced to life in prison.
1997 The U.S. Justice Department ordered Microsoft to sell its
Internet browser separately from its Windows operating system to
prevent it from building a monopoly of Web access programs.
2000 Timothy McVeigh, over the objections of his lawyers, abandoned
his final round of appeals and asked that his execution be set
within 120 days. McVeigh was convicted of the April 1995 truck
bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah Fedal Building in Oklahoma City, OK,
that killed 168 and injured 500.
2001 Gerardo Hernandez was sentenced to life in prison for being the
leader of a Cuban spy ring. His conviction was based on his role in
the infiltration of U.S. military bases and in the deaths of four
Cuban-Americans whose planes were shot down five years before.
2001 In Beverly Hills, CA, actress Winona Ryder was arrested at
Saks Fifth Avenue for shoplifting and possessing pharmaceutical
drugs without a prescription. The numerous items of clothing and
hair accessories were valued at $4,760.
2002 North Korea announced that it would reactivate a nuclear power
plant that U.S. officials believed was being used to develop weapons.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, December 11
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award
goes to a
Floriduh drunk hit-and-run driver,
who was turned in by her On-Star calling the cops
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 11, in
1719 The first recorded sighting of the aurora borealis
took place in New England.
History
______________________________________________________
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
--- Euripides (484 BC - 406 BC)
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go
through life thinking they had no faults at all.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
A couple came to the police department, wanting to dispose of
some ammunition. They handed the desk officer a wooden box
and explained that it contained two bullets an uncle had given
them as souvenirs from World War II.
"We didn't know what to do with them," the woman explained.
"So all these years, we've kept the bullets in the locked drawer
of the china cabinet, away from our children."
The officer assured the couple he'd dispose of the bullets
safely. But when he took one out of the box, the top of the bullet
popped off, revealing a strange blackish substance. His
suspicions aroused, the officer removed the top of the other
bullet and found a hard white substance. There was no doubt about it.
The bullets were souvenir salt-and-pepper shakers.
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
"The answer to this last question will determine whether
you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"
______________________________________________________
"Say, Ralph, you want to hit the golf course this afternoon?"
"Sorry, I can't."
"Why not?"
"The doctor told me I can't play."
"Oh, he's seen your game?"
______________________________________________________
Heirloom Big Book Of Classic
Christmas Stories 2nd Edition with more
stories and pictures
$10 instant download
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
>Reported by Wayne
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Cathy Bernstein,
PORT ST. LUCIE
Floriduh
Floriduh drunk hit-and-run driver,
who was turned in by her On-Star calling the cops
Police responded to a hit-and-run in the 500 block of
Northwest Prima Vista Boulevard on Monday afternoon. The
victim, Anna Preston, said she was struck from behind by
a black vehicle that took off. Preston was taken to the
hospital with back injuries.
Around the same time, police dispatch got an automated call
from a vehicle emergency system stating the owner of a Ford
vehicle was involved in a crash and to press zero to speak
with the occupants of the vehicle.
The person in the vehicle, Cathy Bernstein, told dispatch
there had been no accident, that someone pulled out in front
of her and that she was going home. She said she had not been
drinking and didn't know why her vehicle had called for help.
Police went to Bernsteins's home on Northwest Foxworth Avenue
and saw that her vehicle had extensive front-end damage and
silver paint from Preston's vehicle on it. Bernstein's airbag
had also been deployed.
Police said Bernstein again denied hitting another vehicle,
saying she had struck a tree.
After further discussions, police said Bernstein admitted to
the hit-and-run. She also admitted that she had talked to
someone at Ford and told them she had not been in an accident.
It was later discovered that Bernstein had been involved in
another accident prior to the one with Preston and was fleeing
from that incident.
Bernstein was arrested and taken to the St. Lucie County Jail.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Ron
Re: Book printer
Dear Webby,
Once upon a time you mentioned a printer utility for printing
big PDF files in paperback format for easier reading on
airplanes and buses. Do you still have that link?
Ron
Dear Ron
Yes, of course! ClickBook is a fantastic tool that is
indispensable.
With Clicklbook you can print in any format you can dream of.
I use it to print in paperbook size (Half page) It shuffles
things and tells you to hit GO, then it prints one side. Then
it tells you to drop the output into the Input tray without
turning anythging. Then it runs the back sides.
After that, you drive some staples through the center,
and fold it.All pages are in proper sequence,
printed front and back. Book is ready. You just glue a
cute cover around it, and it is done.
It boggles the mind how it shuffles the pages so that
they all are in proper sequence front ant back,
when they are folded.
Clickbook has over 170 different layouts to choose from.
You can even do tri-fold brochures and CD case inserts.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A meat counter clerk, who had had a particularly good day,
proudly flipped his last chicken on a scale and weighed it.
"That will be $6.35," he told the customer.
"That really is a little too small," said the woman. "Don't
you have anything larger?"
Hesitating, but thinking fast, the clerk returned the
chicken to the freezer, paused a moment, then took the same
one out again.
"This one," he said faintly, " will be $6.65."
The woman paused for a moment, then made her decision.
"I know what," she said, "I'll take both of them!"
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Scrape Crumbs off Tabletop
If your table is beautifully decorated and would be difficult
to undo just to shake it out, use a credit card or business
card to scrape those crumbs into a dust pan or some type of
container. I also use the same method when removing pins
after quilting, although I admit that the crumbs are much
more cooperative!
By Jean Geisel R. [1]
A small, handheld, rechargeable car vacuum
works even better.
To pick up pins, use a magnet inside a pin cushion or in a
ziplock baggie turned inside out.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get
up and leave during the middle of his message. The man
returned just before the conclusion of the service.
Afterwards the pastor asked the man where he had gone.
"I went to get a haircut," was the reply.
"But," said the pastor, "why didn't you do that before the
service?"
"Because," the gentleman said, "I didn't need one then."
___________________________________________________

Christmas Ad

____________________________________________________
An attractive young girl, chaperoned by a very old lady,
entered the doctor's office.
"We have come for an examination," said the young girl.
"All right," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and
take your clothes off."
"No, not me," said the girl. "it's my old aunt here."
"Very well," said the doctor. "Madam, stick out your tongue."
____________________________________________________
The wise old Mother Superior was dying. The nuns gathered
around her bed. She asked for a little warm milk to sip so a
nun went to the kitchen to warm some milk.
Remembering a bottle of whiskey received as a gift the
previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous
amount into the warm milk.
Mother Superior drank a little, then a little more, then before
they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last
drop. "Mother, Mother" the nuns cried, "Give us some
wisdom before you die!"
She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face,
and pointing out the window she said,
"Don't EVER sell that cow!"
____________________________________________________

Interesting photos of this colorful earth from above.

Today, December 11, in
1719 The first recorded sighting of the aurora borealis
took place in New England.
1769 Edward Beran of London patented venetian blinds.
1792 France's King Louis XVI went before the Convention,
which had replaced the National Assembly, to face charges
of treason. He was convicted and condemned and was sent
to the guillotine the following January.
1844 Dr. Horace Wells became the first person in America
to have a tooth extracted after receiving an anesthetic
for the dental procedure. Nitrous Oxide, or laughing gas,
was the anesthetic.
1882 Boston's Bijou Theater had its first performance. It was
the first American playhouse lit exclusively by electricity.
1894 The world's first motor show opened in Paris with nine
exhibitors.
1928 In Buenos Aires, police thwarted an attempt on the life
of President-elect Herbert Hoover.
1930 The Bank of the United States in New York failed.
1936 Britain's King Edward VIII abdicated in order to marry
American Wallis Warfield Simpson. He became the
Duke of Windsor.
1937 The Fascist Council in Rome withdrew Italy from the
League of Nations.
1941 Germany and Italy declared war on the United States.
The U.S in turn declared war on the two countries.
1946 The United Nations International Children's Emergency
Fund (UNICEF) was established by the U.N. General Assembly.
1961 The first direct American military support for South
Vietnam occurred when a U.S. aircraft carrier carrying Army
helicopters arrived in Saigon.
1967 The prototype of the Concorde was shown for the first
time in Toulouse, France.
1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter signed into law legislation
creating $1.6 billion environmental "superfund" that would
be used to pay for cleaning up chemical spills and toxic
waste dumps.
1981 Muhammad Ali fought his last fight. He lost his 61st
fight to Trevor Berbick.
1986 The government of South Africa expanded its media
restrictions by imposing prior censorship and banning
coverage of a wide range of anti-apartheid protests.
1987 Charlie Chaplin's trademark cane and bowler hat were
sold at Christie's for Ł82,500.
1988 62 people were killed in a Mexico City marketplace
when tons of illegal fireworks exploded.
1990 Ivana Trump was divorced from Donald Trump after 12
years of marriage.
1991 Salman Rushdie, under an Islamic death sentence for
blasphemy, made his first public appearance since 1989
in New York, at a dinner marking the 200th anniversary
of the First Amendment (which guarantees freedom of
speech in the U.S.).
1994 Thousands of Russian troops, armored columns and jets
entered Chechnya. The move by Moscow was an effort to
restore control over the breakaway republic.
1994 The world's largest free trade zone was created when
leaders of 34 Western Hemisphere nations signed a
free-trade declaration known as "The Miami Process."
1998 Scientists announced that they had deciphered the
entire genetic blueprint of a tiny worm.
1998 The Mars Climate Orbiter blasted off on a nine-month
journey to the Red Planet. However, the probe disappeared
in September of 1999, apparently destroyed because
scientists had failed to convert English measures to
metric values.
2001 Ted Turner purchased 12,000 acres in Nebraska for
Bison ranches.
2001 It was announced that U.S. President George W. Bush would
withdraw the U.S. from the 1972 Anti-Ballistic Missile
Treaty with Russia.
2001 Federal agents seized computers in 27 U.S. cities as
part of "Operation Buccaneer." The raids were used to gain
evidence against an international software piracy ring.
2009 The game Angry Birds was released.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award
AND a Darwin Award goes to a
Floriduh burglar, who fed himself to an alligator
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 10, in
1520 - Martin Luther publicly burned the papal edict. The papacy
demanded that he recant or face excommunication. Luther refused
and was formally expelled from the church in January 1521.
1845 - British civil engineer Robert Thompson patented the first
pneumatic tires.
History
______________________________________________________
The Swedish Christmas Goat in Gaevle is up and the web cam
is online live at http://m.visitgavle.se/sv/gavlebocken
The webcam is at the top.
______________________________________________________
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you
are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
--- Mark Twain
"It's not so much how busy you are, but why you are busy.
The bee is praised. The mosquito is swatted."
--- Mary O'Connor
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
As usual, Hank was working a few hours extra after the rest of
the staff had gone home. Just before he too left, his secretary
called him and asked him to give her a lift home because she
had a drink too many at the bar across the street from the
office. He gladly did and congratulated her on having enough
sense to not drive herself when impaired.
Although nothing happened in the car, same as nothing
happened between him and his secretary at the office, he
decided not to mention it to his wife, who was more than jealous
enough without any provocation or reason.
Later that night Hank was drivng his wife to a baby shower
party when he spotted a high-heeled shoe hidden under the
passenger seat. Pointing to something out the passenger
window to distract his wife, he picked up the shoe and
tossed it out of his window.
When they arrived a short time later and she was about to
get out of the car, she asked,
"Honey, have you seen my other shoe?"
______________________________________________________
Overheard after church, one young teen girl to another:
`I got tired of being fouled all the time and the official
not calling on those cretins. Then this humongous girl
elbowed me and knocked me down. Well, I was fed up. I got
up and I decked her. Of course, I got sent out. So I'm
sitting there and this girl on my team comes up to me and
says, "I'm Baptist and I just wanted to let you know that
God will forgive you for hitting that girl.". Then I said
to her, "Well, I'm Presbyterian and `MY God' knows she
deserved that!".'
______________________________________________________
Heirloom Big Book Of Classic
Christmas Stories 2nd Edition with more
stories and pictures
$10 instant download
______________________________________________________
Gaevle Goat in Sweden, clip from the webcam
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
>Reported by Lillemor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
AND a Darwin Award
has been earned by
Matthew Riggins,
22,
Brevard County
Floriduh
Floriduh burglar fed himself to an alligator
A suspected burglar jumped into a Florida lake apparently
hiding from law enforcement before an 11-foot alligator
killed him, investigators said Monday. His hand and foot
reportedly turned up inside the animal's stomach.
Brevard County Sheriff's Maj. Tod Goodyear says 22-year-
old Matthew Riggins told his girlfriend he would be in
Barefoot Bay to commit burglaries with another suspect.
Authorities received calls Nov. 13 about two suspicious
men in black walking behind homes and investigated.
Riggins was reported missing the next day.
Goodyear said sheriff's divers recovered Riggins' body 10
days later in a nearby lake, and that the injuries suggested
the alligator had pulled him below the surface.
"He hid in the wrong place," resident Laura Farris told
Bay News 9.
Authorities said Riggins drowned and the alligator, which
behaved aggressively toward divers, was trapped and
euthanized.
Florida Today reports a second person was taken into custody.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Eloise
Re: Spreadsheet Sunday
Dear Webby,
You know more about spreadsheets than my professor does,
and you don't contradict yourself twice a minute.
I followed your instructions for the lady who wanted a
spreadsheet with graph for her weight without any problem,
and even dressed it up nice and colorful.
Now I wanted a bar to indicate Sundays.
The professor got all flustered and told me it was a dumb
idea to watch my weight differently on Sundays.
I guess he didn't know.
Can you please tell me?
Thanks
Eloise
Dear Eloise
At the top of the next free column, for example D,
paste:
=IF(WEEKDAY(A1,1)=1,25,"")
What that does is IF the date in A1 is a day 1 (Sunday)
then put 25 into D1, otherwise put nothing in there.
Copy that down colund D as far as you want.
Weekday (A1,1) checks the date in A1, and uses schedule 1
which has Sunday as day 1.
The IF wrapped around that checks if we get a 1 (Sunday),
and if we do, it puts a 25 into that cell,
IF not, then it puts nothing into that cell.
"" is nothing.
If you were checking for a Saturday, you would use 7
=IF(WEEKDAY(A1,1)=7,25,"")
In the graph, right-click, Source Data, add a series.
Smear Column D as far down as the other columns,
hit ENTEr, and all Sundays have a bar from 0 to 25.
Right-click one of them and give it a nice Sunday color.
That's all there is to it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A hunter in Africa ran across a pigmy standing next to a huge
dead elephant. The hunter then asked, "How does a little guy
like you kill a huge beast like that?"
Said the pigmy, "My club did it."
The astonished hunter asked, "How big is your club?"
The pigmy replied, "There are about 60 of us."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Potato Peel Crisps
My husband calls this the epitome of Thriftyfun recipes.
When you peel your potatoes, don't throw out the skins.
Instead, make this super easy, super yummy appetizer.
It only takes a few ingredients. As a bonus, potato skins
contain all the best health benefits, packed with B vitamins,
vitamin C, potassium and calcium. Score!
Approximate Time: 25 minutes
Ingredients:
leftover potato peels
1 tsp oil
salt, pepper (any seasonings you like)
1 Tbsp Parmesan cheese
chives (optional)
Steps:
Preheat oven to 400°F. I use my toaster oven.
Toss skins, oil and seasonings together and lay in a thin
layer on a cookie sheet. Bake for 20 minutes. I like to
broil them for a few minutes at the end to get the super
crispy!
Remove, sprinkle with Parmesan and optional chives.
So good!
By attosa [145]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
Selma and Irving receive an invitation in the mail. Since it had
been many years since they were invited anywhere, they read
it with glee, very excited that they were asked to attend a
wedding.
Everything looked fine, until they read the last line on the
invitation. Confused, Irving asks Selma, "Selma, vat does this
'RSVP' mean?"
Selma was at a loss and simply could not remember. Finally,
she cries out: "Vait! I remember! I remember!
RSVP! It means "Remember, Send Vedding Present!"
___________________________________________________

Walking on air
One of my favorite Christmas videos

____________________________________________________
David told me he overheard a couple of guys talking about
scary things.
Guy #1: "You'll never believe this. If you play an AOL 7.0
CD *backwards* you can hear all kinds of evil and Satanic
messages!"
Guy #2: "That's nothing. If you play it forwards,
it installs AOL !"
____________________________________________________
>from dteeple
A Hotel guest calls the Front desk and the clerk answers,
"May I help you?"
The man says, "Yes, I'm in room 858. You need to send
someone to my room immediately. I'm having an argument
with my wife and she says she's going to jump out the
window."
The desk clerk says, "I'm sorry sir, but that's a
personal matter."
The man replies, "Listen, the window won't open...
and that's a maintenance matter."
____________________________________________________

I never thought of carving bananas!

Today, December 10, in
1520 - Martin Luther publicly burned the papal edict. The papacy
demanded that he recant or face excommunication. Luther refused
and was formally expelled from the church in January 1521.
1845 - British civil engineer Robert Thompson patented the first
pneumatic tires.
1869 - Women were granted the right to vote in Wyoming.
1898 - A treaty was signed in Paris that officially ended the
Spanish-American War. Also, Cuba became independent of Spain.
1906 - U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt became the first
American to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for helping
mediate an end to the Russo-Japanese War.
1941 - Japan invaded the Philippines.
1941 - The Royal Naval battleships Prince of Wales and Repulse
were sunk by Japanese aircraft in the Battle of Malaya.
1948 - The United Nations General Assembly adopted its
Universal Declaration on Human Rights.
1953 - Hugh Hefner published the first "Playboy" magazine
with an investment of $7,600.
1958 - The first domestic passenger jet flight took place in
the U.S. when 111 passengers flew from New York to Miami
on a National Airlines Boeing 707.
1964 - In Oslo, Norway, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. received
the Nobel Peace Prize.
1982 - The Law of the Sea Convention was signed by 118 countries
in Montego Bay, Jamaica. 23 nations and the U.S. were excluded.
1983 - Raul Alfonsin was inaugurated as Argentina's first
civilian president after nearly eight years of military rule.
1984 - South African Bishop Desmond Tutu received the
Nobel Peace Prize.
1990 - The U.S. Food & Drug Administration approved Norplant,
a long-acting contraceptive implant.
1992 - Oregon Senator Bob Packwood apologized for what he
called "unwelcome and offensive" actions toward women.
However, he refused to resign.
1993 - The crew of the space shuttle Endeavor deployed the
repaired Hubble Space Telescope into Earth's orbit.
1994 - Advertising executive Thomas Mosser of North Caldwell,
NJ, was killed by a mail bomb that was blamed on the
Unabomber.
1995 - The first U.S. Marines arrived in the Bosnian capital
of Sarajevo to join NATO soldiers sent to enforce peace in
the former Yugoslavia.
1996 - South Africa's President Mandela signed into law a new
democratic constitution, completing the country's transition
from white-minority rule to a non-racial democracy.
1998 - Six astronauts opened the doors to the new international
space station 250 miles above the Earth's surface.
1998 - The Palestinian leadership scrapped constitutional
clauses that rejected Israel's existence.
1999 - After three years under suspicion of being a spy for
China, computer scientist Wen Ho Lee was arrested. He was
charged with removing secrets from the Los Alamos weapons lab.
Lee later pled guilty to one count of downloading restricted
data to tape and was freed. The other 58 counts were dropped.
2003 - The U.S. barred firms based in certain countries,
opponents of the Iraq war, from bidding on Iraqi
reconstruction projects. The ban did not prevent companies
from winning subcontracts.
2007 - Cristina Fernandez was sworn in as Argentina's first
elected female president.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, December 9
Thank you, Frank!!!
Thank You, Jim!
>From Sailor
Dell C1760nw Workgroup LED Color Laser Printer 1200 dpi
Brand New Free Shipping
$129.79
Buy It Now
Free shipping
on e-bay right now --- 129.79 with shipping and no taxes !!!!
That looks like a steal of a deal!
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Drunken Saudi tourist, who exposed himself,
spilled cocaine on Aspen taxi driver
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 9, in
1854 Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem, "The Charge of the Light Brigade,"
was published in England.
History
______________________________________________________
It is easier to fight for one's principles than to
live up to them.
--- Alfred Adler (1870 - 1937)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Lillemor
Don't loan your tools
I woke up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night
(as I often do) and I noticed a diaper-headed individual
with a knife, sneaking through my next door neighbor's
garden.
Suddenly my neighbor came from nowhere and smacked him over
the head with a shovel a few times, killing him quite
thoroughly.
He then dug a grave, put the body in it and covered it.
Astonished, I got back into bed. As I tossed and turned
my wife said, "You're upset, what is it?"
“You'll never believe what I've just seen,” I said.
“That SOB next door still has my shovel.”
______________________________________________________
While walking in the park one morning, Bill found a couple of
brand new golf balls by a bench. They obviously must have
fallen out of a pocket or bag when somebody rested there the
day before. "Waste not, Want not" he thought as he slipped
the balls into the pocket of his shorts, intending to give them to
a co-worker who was a golf nut.
Later, on his way home, he stopped at a pedestrian crossing,
waiting for the lights to change. A girl standing next to him saw
the large bulge in his shorts.
"What's that?" she asked,... with her eyes gleaming lustfully.
"Golf balls," he replied.
"Oh," said the girl sympathetically,
"that must be painful.... I had tennis elbow once!"

Instant download in PDF format
for hassle free viewing and printing.
By the way, there are NO refunds for downloaded e-books,
even if they use up all your printer ink or CDs.

______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
>Reported by Wayne
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Majed Alhamad,
23,
Los Angeles,
California
Drunken Saudi tourist exposed himself,
spilled cocaine on Aspen taxi driver
A Saudi Arabian man allegedly cursed an Aspen taxi driver
and exposed himself to the man before spilling cocaine on
him during a ride to the St. Regis Hotel last weekend,
according to court documents.
Majed Alhamad, 23, later admitted he was intoxicated and
told Aspen police officers “he wanted to go ‘extreme’ while
in Aspen,” according to an affidavit filed in District
Court on Friday.
The 60-year-old driver for High Mountain Taxi told police
that Alhamad — whose booking sheet lists him as a student
in Los Angeles — offered him cocaine “a number of times”
on the ride early Friday morning to the St. Regis, but
the driver refused, the affidavit states.
“(The driver) stated this angered Alhamad,” according to
the affidavit written by an Aspen police officer.
“(The driver) said that Alhamad used vulgar language and
derogatory racial terms ... and ‘f---ing American’ while
in the vehicle.”
The taxi driver also said Alhamad “exposed his genitals
to him” and “opened the baggie of cocaine and spilled it
on him,” the affidavit states.
“(The driver) stated that he did not want anything to
happen to the individual but felt the need to report the
incident to law enforcement,” according to the officer’s
affidavit.
When officers spoke with Alhamad and his friend, a sergeant
recognized them because he’d helped them get a taxi back to
their hotel earlier in the night.
Alhamad admitted to buying the cocaine for $100 from someone
on the street he didn’t know, the affidavit states.
“Alhamad stated he knew it was not real cocaine and stated
it was baby powder,” according to the affidavit. “I asked
Alhamad how he knew it was not cocaine and he said it smelled
like baby powder and he had done cocaine in the past.”
An officer tested the cocaine baggie and received a “presumptive
positive” on it for cocaine, according to the affidavit.
Alhamad admitted to using derogatory words toward the driver
but said he didn’t spill the white powder on him, according
to the affidavit. The officer wrote that Alhamad smelled of
alcohol.
“Alhamad said he wanted to go ‘extreme’ while in Aspen but
will have to pay for this incident,” the affidavit states.
Alhamad was charged with felony possession of cocaine and
harassment.
If he ever goes back to Saudi Arabia, he is likely to face
dire consequences.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Frank
Re: Ghostery
Dear Webby,
Now I have a BIG problem with receiving your daily newsletter.
I've not received it the last 4 - 5 days.
I utilize Mailwasher and have for years. Your newsletter is
flagged as 'never mark for delete'.
Late last week I installed the following....
https://www.ghostery.com/ and checked the column to block
at 'trackers' because I get tired of seeing all the ads, etc.
I don't know how that would stop mail from going to the Cox
server but I'm not a genius about those things. I'm getting
emails from friends and since I don't do much on line shopping
I cannot tell whether or not businesses are blocked. The last
business email was from Amazon on Dec. 4 about the same time
I installed the program. I'm able to see you newsletter and
vote daily but I do like to get my personal edition.
If I need to delete ghostery.com I will but it has been nice
not to get all that junk. Perhaps I can accept some tracking
but I don't know which to change and which to keep.
Need your assistance if possible. If you feel it is my ISP
how do I go about getting their co-operation and
have any others with a Cox.net ISP complained.
How will I know if you respond IF my ISP has blocked your
address? Perhaps a note in Wednesdays letter
would tell me.
Peace
Frank
Dear Frank
You are in the list, and your personalized newsletter goes
out towards you every night.
Ghostery is mostly a tracking system reporting on you, and
does a bit of cookie control to make you think it is a
benefit to you. Unlike Malwarebytes it does not stop real
malware.
If you want to dump cookies, CrapCleaner has done that quite
nicely for fifteen years, maybe more, without any snooping
or reporting whatsoever.
However, Ghostery just reports on your browsing to the
advertising industry.
I don't see how it would interfere with your email. Browsing
and email are totally separate, like highways are separate
from railroads.
If your email stopped on the same day as you attached the
Ghostery snoop&report add-on, that is probably just a
coincidence.
Have a look in the MailWasher Recycle Bin.
If the Humor Letter is NOT in there, then it got dumped
before it ever got to you. In that case, pitch a temper
tantrum at your ISP.
Please tell me if and when you get this letter.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody
complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he
appeared.
"Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he
cackled. "I have been in the open air day after day for some
75 years now."
The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to
keep up his rigorous fitness regime.
"Well, you see, my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On
our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we
had a fight, the one who was proved wrong, would go outside
and take a walk. By the time Jenny died thirtyfive years ago,
my walks had become a habit and it was no big deal to keep
them up."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cook Frozen Dinner Rolls in the Microwave
Just like many of the other foods I warm daily in the microwave,
frozen dinner rolls are great hot out of the microwave as well.
I have the highest wattage microwave and, on thirty seconds,
these yeast rolls are hit and ready to be enjoyed.
Note that they will be very hot when coming out of the microwave,
so exercise due caution as you would with any other food coming
out of the microwave.
By Robyn [373]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
Sarah's car was unreliable and she called Sam for a ride every
time it broke down. One day Sam got yet another one of those
calls.
"What happened this time?" he asked.
"My brakes went out," Sarah said. "Can you come to get me?"
"Where are you?" Sam asked.
"I'm in the drugstore," Sarah responded.
"And where's the car?" Sam asked.
Sarah replied, "It's in here with me."
___________________________________________________

Twelve Days of Christmas (funny)

____________________________________________________
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some
advertising on the net) were the main reason for the long line
that formed in front of the store by 8:30, the store's opening
time.
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be
pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses.
On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the
jaw by a slightly overweight lady, knocked around a bit, and
then thrown to the end of the line again.
As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end
of the line, "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I'm not
opening the store!"
____________________________________________________
Children are natural mimics, who act like their parents
despite every effort to teach them good manners.
____________________________________________________

Today, December 9, in
1793 "The American Minerva" was published for the first time.
It was the first daily newspaper in New York City and was
founded by Noah Webster.
1854 Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem, "The Charge of the Light Brigade,"
was published in England.
1879 Thomas Edison organized the Edison Ore Milling Company.
1884 Levant M. Richardson received a patent for the ball-bearing
roller skate.
1907 Christmas Seals went on sale for the first time, in the
Wilmington, DE, post office.
1914 The Edison Phonograph Works was destroyed by fire.
1917 Turkish troops surrendered Jerusalem to British troops led
by Viscount Allenby.
1940 During World War II, British troops opened their first
major offensive in North Africa.
1940 The Longines Watch Company signed for the first FM radio
advertising contract with experimental station W2XOR in
New York City.
1941 China declared war on Japan, Germany and Italy.
1955 Sugar Ray Robinson knocked out Carl Olson and regained
his world middleweight boxing title.
1958 In Indianapolis, IN, Robert H.W. Welch Jr. and 11 other
men met to form the anti-Communist John Birch Society.
1960 Sperry Rand Corporation unveiled a new computer known
as "Univac 1107."
1960 The first episode of "Coronation Street" was screened
on ITV.
1962 "Lawrence of Arabia" by David Lean had its world
premiere in London.
1975 U.S. President Gerald R. Ford signed a $2.3 billion
seasonal loan authorization to prevent New York City from
having to default.
1978 The first game of the Women's Pro Basketball League
(WBL) was played between the Chicago Hustle and the
Milwaukee Does.
1985 In Argentina, five former military junta members
received sentences in prison for their roles in the
"dirty war" in which nearly 9,000 people had "disappeared."
1987 West Bank Palestinians launched an intifada (uprising)
against Israeli occupation.
1987 In the Gaza Strip, an Israeli patrol attacked the
Jabliya refugee camp.
1990 Lech Walesa won Poland's first direct presidential
election in the country's history.
1990 Slobodan Milosovic was elected president in Serbia's
first free elections in 50 years.
1990 The first American hostages to be released by Iraq
began arriving in the U.S.
1991 European Community leaders agreed to begin using a
single currency in 1999.
1992 Britain's Prince Charles and Princess Diana announced
their separation.
1992 Clair George, former CIA spy chief, was convicted of
lying to the U.S. Congress about the Iran-Contra affair.
U.S. President George H.W. Bush later pardoned George.
1992 U.S. troops arrived in Mogadishu, Somalia, to oversee
delivery of international food aid.
1993 The U.S. Air Force destroyed the first of 500
Minuteman II missile silos that were marked for
elimination under an arms control treaty.
1993 Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Endeavor completed
repairs to the Hubble Space Telescope.
1993 At Princeton University in New Jersey, scientists
produced a controlled fusion reaction equivalent to
3 million watts.
1994 Representatives of the Irish Republican Army and the
British government opened peace talks in Northern Ireland.
1996 UN Secretary General Boutros-Ghali approved a deal
allowing Iraq to resume its exports of oil and easing the
UN trade embargo imposed on Iraq in 1990.
1999 The U.S. announced that it was expelling a Russian
diplomat that had been caught gathering information with
an eavesdropping device at the U.S. State Department.
2002 United Airlines filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy after
losing $4 billion in the previous two years. It was the
sixth largest bankruptcy filing.
2003 In Australia, thieves broke into a home and stole two
300-year-old etchings by Rembrandt. The 4-by-4-inch etchings,
a self-portait and a depiction of the artist's mother, were
valued around $518,000.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Kansas armed robber, who killed a store owner,
and claimed he was entitled to 'self-defense'
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 8, in
1854 Pope Pius IX proclaimed the dogma of the Immaculate
Conception. The theory holds that Mary, mother of Jesus,
was free of original sin from the moment she was conceived.
History
______________________________________________________
When it is not necessary to make a decision,
it is necessary not to make a decision.
--- Lord Falkland (1610 - 1643)
Confusion is always the most honest response.
--- Marty Indik
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to
try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and
settled in.
After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see
how her son was doing in his new life.
'I'm fine, ' Angus said. 'But there are some really weird people
living in these apartments. One woman cried all day long,
another lies on her floor moaning, and there is a guy next door
to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time.'
'Well, ma laddie,' says his mother, 'I suggest you don't
associate with people like that.'
'Oh,' says Angus, 'I don't, Mam, I don't. No, I just stay inside me
apartment all day and night, playing me bagpipes.'
______________________________________________________
Homonyms are similar sounding words, and they
CAN be clean ones, like Soap and Hope.
As the high school teacher was correcting essays written by
her students she read, "Pedro jumped on his burrow and
rode off into the sunset."
She wrote at the bottom of the page, "You obviously have
problems with homonyms. A burrow is a hole in the ground.
A burro is an ass. At your age it's time to learn the
difference."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
>Reported by Lillemor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
De’Anthony A. Wiley,
20,
Shawnee,
Kansas
Armed robber kills store owner,
claims he was entitled to 'self-defense'
The widow of a Kansas gun-shop owner killed in a violent
shootout with four armed robbers in January doesn't mince
words when it comes to the issue of guns and the role they
play in self-defense.
“The fact of the matter is, society has gotten to the point
where we have to defend ourselves," Becky Bieker to KCTV-TV.
De’Anthony A. Wiley claims he had no choice and was entitled
to return fire in "self-defense" while trying to flee the
ensuing gun battle with the store's owner, Jon Bieker.
Court papers filed on Thursday by Wiley's attorney seek
protection by statutory immunity against his felony murder
charge, reports WDAF-TV.
Wiley claims after he communicated his intent to surrender,
Bieker continued firing upon him and his three accomplices.
Court papers say Wiley was shot in the spine and paralyzed,
leaving him unable to escape.
Wiley's attorney argues because he exhausted reasonable
means to escape, he was entitled to use deadly force in
self-defense.
Prosecutors say Wiley and his cohorts plotted for several
days before entering "She's a Pistol", which specializes
in providing personal protection items for women.
The men apparently thought Becky Bieker was working alone
when they pointed a gun at her and started shouting demands.
They punched her, breaking her nose. One of the men jumped
over the counter to stuff a backpack with guns. They didn't
see Jon Bieker in the back room.
Surveillance video captured the entire gun battle inside
the store.
As Becky falls to the floor, Jon bursts from the back firing
his weapon.
Jon managed to shoot all three of the suspects. One of the
injured suspects fled along with the getaway driver.
Wiley remained in the store and continued to exchange gunfire
with Jon, who was killed when a bullet pierced his aorta.
Becky regained her composure and emptied her weapon into
Wiley, critically injuring him.
Prosecutors said Wiley, who has admitted robbing the store,
was identified on the surveillance tape as the man who killed
Jon. His co-defendants, Hakeem Malik, Londro Patterson and
Niquan Midgyett, have pleaded not guilty and will stand trial
on charges that include first-degree murder.
Police believe the men were also behind a string of
convenience store armed robberies in the area in the weeks
before the shootout, reported KCTV-TV.
Wiley's defense lawyers responded by filing the bombshell
motion that he was "entitled to use deadly force" against
the Biekers.
The claim reads in part: “… Wiley, withdrew from any physical
confrontation with the Biekers and he specifically
communicated his intent to surrender to Jon Bieker. Despite
that communication, Mr. Bieker continued to advance and/or
fire upon the defendant and the codefendants. The defendant
was shot in the spine and paralyzed, herefore unable to
further escape. As such, the defendant was entitled to use
force to protect himself."
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Ric
Re: Laser printer for home business
Dear Webby,
Tech question: can you recommend a color laser printer
(wireless)for home/small bussiness?
And nor break the bank?
Thank you,
Ric
Dear Ric
I would recommend the DELL C1760nw
It has WiFi and color and is good for
30,000 pages per month.
It sells for $199, plus shipping.
DELL C1760nw
If quality is not important, and if you don't mind toner
cost to be more than the printer, check out your local
Staples store and see what they got on Special.
Last time I was there they had a Brother color laser
for $149, and the toner for it $249.
Keep in mind, printers usually ship with near empty toner
cartridges, and you will need new ones very soon.
If you have an old Multi-Function ink squirter, don't heave
it into the dumpster. Most likely you can use the scanner
and fax function for another ten years.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
So if the world is truly getting "smaller",
how come the US Postal rates keep going up?
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Make Rice with Half the Calories
I've read about this on multiple platforms and just saw
it on TV again, so I thought I would share this method
with you. Scientists have proven that by simply cooking
your rice with some coconut oil, it changes the rice's
digestible starch to indigestible starch, which prevents
much of the rice from being metabolized into glucose,
cutting the calories by about 60%. That's huge! The only
difference is, you must let it sit in the fridge before
you eat it. Here's what you need:
1 cup white rice
2 tsp. coconut oil
1 3/4 cups water
Bring water to a boil in a pot. Add coconut oil and rice
to pot. Cover, lower heat, and cook for 20 to 25 minutes.
Let rice cool, then chill in the fridge for at least
12 hours. Reheat before serving.
Source: Many, many internet searches and TV shows.
ThriftyFun Note: Here is an article with information about
the scientific research.
http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/ ... 021915.php
By attosa [144]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
The student - not necessarily a well-prepared student - sat
in his life science classroom staring at a question on the
final exam paper.
The question directed: "Give four advantages of breast
milk."
What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever
came into his head, hoping for the best:
1. No need to boil.
2. Cats can't steal it.
3. Available whenever necessary.
Um. So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a
four-part answer. Again, what to write? Once more he sighed.
He frowned. He scowled. Then sighed again. But suddenly, he
brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly he
scribbled his definitive answer:
4. Available in attractive containers.
___________________________________________________

Sent by Lillemor: When the lights go out

____________________________________________________
Imelda reported for her University PHD final examination
which consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her
seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper
for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her
purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and
marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails.
Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the
class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she
is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and
sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is
going on.
"I finished the exam in half and hour. But, she says, I am
rechecking my answers, and half of them are wrong !"
____________________________________________________
Thanks to Roland for this one:
Andy Rooney On Cripes:
"My wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very
wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes'. 'For Cripe's sake.'
Who would that be, Jesus Cripes? The son of 'Gosh' of the
church of 'Holy Moly'?
I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?"
____________________________________________________

These artists create something beautiful with canvas.

Today, December 8, in
1776 George Washington's retreating army in the American
Revolution crossed the Delaware River from New Jersey to
Pennsylvania.
1854 Pope Pius IX proclaimed the dogma of the Immaculate
Conception. The theory holds that Mary, mother of Jesus,
was free of original sin from the moment she was conceived.
1863 Tom King of England defeated American John Heenan and
became the first world heavyweight champion.
1941 The United States entered World War II when it declared
war against Japan. The act came one day after the Japanese
attacked Pearl Harbor. Britain and Canada also declared war
on Japan.
1949 The Chinese Nationalist government moved from the Chinese
mainland to Formosa due to Communists pressure.
1953 Los Angeles became the third largest city in the US.
1980 Zimbabwe’s manpower minister, Edgar Tekere, was found
guilty in the killing of a white farmer. He was freed under
a law that protected ministers acting to suppress terrorism.
1982 Norman D. Mayer demanding an end to nuclear weapons held
the Washington Monument hostage. He threatened to blow it up
with explosives he claimed were inside a van. 10 hours later
he was shot to death by police.
1984 In Roanoke, Virginia, a jury found Hustler magazine
publisher Larry Flynt innocent of libeling Reverend Jerry
Falwell with a parody advertisement. However Falwell was
awarded $200,000 for emotional distress.
1987 The "intefadeh" (Arabic for uprising) by Palestinians in
the Israeli-occupied territories began.
1989 Communist leaders in Czechoslovakia offered to surrender
their control over the government and accept a minority role
in a coalition Cabinet.
1991 Russia, Byelorussia and Ukraine declared the Soviet
national government to be dead. They forged a new alliance
to be known as the Commonwealth of Independent States. The
act was denounced by Russian President Gorbachev as
unconstitutional.
1992 Americans got to see live television coverage of U.S.
troops landing on the beaches of Somalia during Operation
Restore Hope.
1993 U.S. President Clinton signed into law the North American
Free Trade Agreement.
1994 Bosnian Serbs released dozens of hostage peacekeepers,
but continued to detain about 300 others.
1994 In Los Angeles, 12 alternate jurors were chosen for the
O.J. Simpson murder trial.
1997 The second largest bank was created with the announcement
that Union Bank Switzerland and the Swiss Bank Corporation would
merge. The combined assets were more than $590 billion.
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police could not search a
person or their cars after ticketing for a routine traffic
violation.
1998 The FBI opened its files on Frank Sinatra to the public. The
file contained over 1,300 pages.
1998 AT&T Corp. announced that it was buying IBM's data networking
business for $5 billion cash.
1998 The first female ice hockey game in Olympic history was played.
Finland beat Sweden 6-0.
1999 In Memphis, TN, a jury found that Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.
had been the victim of a vast murder conspiracy, not a lone assassin.
1999 Russia and Belarus agreed in principle to form an economic and
political confederation.
2000 Mario Lemieux announced to the Pittsburgh Penguins that he
planned to return to the National Hockey League (NHL) as a player
at age 35. He would be the first modern owner-player in
U.S. pro sports.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Illinois man, who punched his girlfriend, hid in vacant
apartment, blocked jail cell toilet and masturbated
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 7, in
1926 The gas operated refrigerator was patented by The
Electrolux Servel Corporation.
History
______________________________________________________
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions
your wife asks for nothing.
--- Joey Adams
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
During the cold war we had a series of radar sites known
as the "Distant Early Warning" system or "DEW" line, a string
of big huge radar stations in Northern Canada, powerful
enough to microwave a goose at 5 Miles, advanced enough to
look over the North Pole into Russia, accurate enough to tell
the difference between a thrown rolling pin and a missile.
Gradually the satellites took over the surveillance job and the
DEW line got abandoned and just sat there rusting away quietly.
Only recently some contractors were sent up there to
dismantle the sites and bury or cart away the remains.
One mechanic stationed there asked his buddy at home to
arrange a date for him when he got leave. The buddy did so,
but told the girl that she'd better be careful, as the guy had
been working on the DEW line for 6 months.
She replied, "No problem. I've been working on my 'DON'T
line' for six years."
______________________________________________________
Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the
insurance company. Susan told the insurance company,
"We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my
money."
The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan.
Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the
value of the barn just before it burned, and provide you with a
new one of comparable worth, up to a maximum of fifty
thousand dollars."
There was a long pause before Susan replied,
"In THAT case, I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband
RIGHT friendly NOW!"
______________________________________________________
Aetna smoking without a permit
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
>Reported by Lillemor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Matthew Campus,
23,
Wilmington,
Illinois
Illinois man punched girlfriend, hid in vacant
apartment, blocked jail cell toilet and masturbated
A Wilmington man started Thanksgiving morning by punching
his girlfriend and hiding out from the cops in an empty
apartment, then blocked up his holding cell toilet with
clothes, masturbated, tried to escape from a moving squad
car and bit an officer, police said.
By early afternoon, 23-year-old Matthew Campus had ended up
in the Will County jail. He appeared in court Friday morning
but his bond information was not available.
Officers were sent to Campus’ County Road home and spoke to
his girlfriend, who reportedly said he punched her several
times “during an argument over alcohol.”
Campus’ sister witnessed the attack, police said.
Campus hid out in a vacant apartment in his building, police
said, but he was hunted down by two officers.
The cops carted Campus off to the police station but once
he got there, he “started threatening officers and their
families with physical violence,” police said.
“While being placed into a holding room Campus spit on the
officers. Once in the holding room Campus removed his
clothing and began to masturbate and continued to make
threats to the officers. Campus then packed some of his
clothing into the toilet of the holding room and
attempted to flood the room.”
At this point, the cops loaded Campus into a squad car so
they could take him over to the county jail.
“While being transported, Campus attempted to escape by
breaking a portion of the prisoner transport partition
and trying to climb to the rear storage area and door hatch
on Route 53 in Elwood,” police said. “The Elwood Police
Department responded to assist.”
At the jail, “Campus continued to threaten officers and
deputies,” police said, and he was taken to Presence
St. Joseph Medical Center.
“Campus continued to be aggressive towards paramedics
and medical staff, using profanities and spitting on them
and officers,” police said. “Campus damaged equipment at
the medical center and bit a police officer.”
Campus was returned to jail after a brief stay at the
hospital.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Lynn
Re: Why not show lower 130 in graph?
Dear Webby,
Who told you about my lower 130?
Just kidding.
I don't understand why deduct the 130 and not show
it in the graph. What is the reasoning behind that?
Wouldn't that distort the graph?
Lynn
Dear Lynn
There is no change in the lower 130, so we can ignore
that. It is as if you were simply covering up that part
of the graph and only looked at the top.
By only looking at the changing tops, and stretching the
colums in the graph so that the few pounds of change
are stretched the full height of the graph, you see the
actual changes greatly and equally emphasized.
4 - 5 pounds change are a tiny wiggle of 150,
but a significant jump of 20.
That is all we are doing. We justb cover up the bottom
130 and zoom the upper balance to the full height of
the graph.
Unlike what the Gullible Warming grant recipients do,
who can't predict next Tuesday's weather but claim the
polar ice caps will melt in 2050 unless they get more
grant money, you simply zoom onto and visualize the changes.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
How can you tell if people are married ?
"You might have to guess based on whether they seem to be
yelling at the same kids."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Very Easy Poached Egg
This is a very easy way to poach an egg in one minute that
turns out perfect every time.
Approximate Time: 90 seconds
Yield: 1 serving
Ingredients:
1/2 cup water
1 egg
Steps:
Put water in a glass cereal bowl. Add 1 egg.
Cover and microwave for 1 minute.
Pour water off the egg through a slotted spoon.
Source: Myself
By CaroleeRose [4]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
The teacher asked: What do you think your mom and dad
have in common?
Little Johnnie:
"Both don't want no more kids."
___________________________________________________

Sent by Lillemor: When the lights go out

____________________________________________________
Arthur goes into the travel agency and proclaims,
"I've seen your ad about a $49.00 trip to Hawaii, and I'd like to
go."
The travel agent says, "Listen, friend, this is my first day here,
but I know about all the details of that crumby $49.00 offer, and
believe me, you DON'T want it. Take the next best offer, which
is only $1,399.00."
"Oh, no you don't," says the Arthur, "you're not going to catch
ME with that bait and switch. The ad says `$49.00 to Hawaii,'
and THAT's what I want."
"Okay," says the agent, who takes his money then grabs a
baseball bat from under the desk and hits him on the head.
Arthur wakes up a few hours later, on a raft out in the Pacific
Ocean!
He looks around, and there's NOTHING, only he and another
guy on the raft.
"What are we going to do?" cries our hero, "surely they'll
send a ship for us. Do we get meals and booze?"
"I don't think so," responds his new-found travelling
companion, "they didn't last year, and if you don't have
any booze in your back pocket, you are out of luck."
____________________________________________________
The tough businessman was feeling very ill and went to the
doctor. The medical man examined him and backed away,
saying: "I'm sorry to tell you this, but you have an
advanced case of highly infectious rabies. You must have had
it for some time. It will almost certainly be fatal."
"Could you give me a pen and paper?" said the businessman.
"Do you want to write your will?"
"No, I want to make a list of all the people with overdue
invoices, and then I am going out for a few bites."
____________________________________________________

The ring dance.

Today, December 7, in
1431 In Paris, Henry VI of England was crowned King of France.
1907 At London's National Sporting Club, Eugene Corri became
the first referee to officiate from inside a boxing ring.
1925 Swimmer Johnny Weissmuller set a world record in the
150-yard freestyle with a time of 1 minute, 25 and 2/5 seconds.
He went on to play "Tarzan" in several movies.
1926 The gas operated refrigerator was patented by The
Electrolux Servel Corporation.
1941 Pearl Harbor, located on the Hawaiian island of Oahu was
attacked by nearly 200 Japanese warplanes. The attack
resulted in the U.S. entering into World War II.
1946 A fire at the Winecoff Hotel in Atlanta killed 119 people.
It was America's worst hotel fire disaster. The hotel founder,
W. Frank Winecoff, was also killed in the fire.
1971 Libya announced the nationalization of British Petroleum's
assets. They never forgave them for that.
1972 Apollo 17 was launched at Cape Canaveral. It was the last
U.S. moon mission.
1972 Imelda Marcos, wife of Philippine President Ferdinand E.
Marcos, was stabbed and seriously wounded by an assailant.
The man was then shot and killed by her bodyguards.
1974 President Makarios returned to Cyprus after five months
in exile.
1980 General Antonio Ramlho Eanes was reelected president of
Portugal. His right-wing opposition was thrown into disarray
by the death of Premier Francisco Sa Carneiro in a plane crash.
1982 Charlie Brooks Junior, a convicted murderer, became the
first prisoner in the U.S. to be executed by injection, at a
prison in Huntsville, TX.
1983 Madrid, Spain, an Aviaco DC-9 collided on a runway with
an Iberia Air Lines Boeing 727 that was accelerating for
takeoff. The collision resulted in the death of all 42 people
aboard the DC-9 and 51 on the Iberia jet.
1987 43 people were killed when a gunman opened fire on a
fellow passenger and the two pilots aboard a Pacific Southwest
Airlines jetliner.
1988 An estimated 25,000 people were killed when a major
earthquake hit northern Armenia in the Soviet Union. The quake
measured 6.9 on the Richter Scale.
1989 East Germany's Communist Party agreed to cooperate with the
plan for free elections and a revised constitution.
1992 The U.S. Supreme Court rejected a Mississippi abortion law which
required women to get counseling and then wait 24 hours before
terminating their pregnancies.
1993 Six people were killed and 17 were injured when a gunman opened
fire on a Long Island Rail Road commuter train.
1993 Energy Secretary Hazel O'Leary revealed that the U.S. government
had conducted more than 200 nuclear weapons tests in secret at its
Nevada test site.
1995 A probe sent from the Galileo spacecraft entered into Jupiter's
atmosphere. The probe sent back data to the mothership before it
was presumably destroyed.
1996 The space shuttle Columbia returned from the longest-ever
shuttle flight of 17 days, 15 hours and 54 minutes.
1998 The U.N. evacuated 14 peacekeepers that were trapped by fighting
between army and rebel forces in central Angola.
2002 In Mymensingh, Bangladesh, four movie theaters were bombed
within 30 minutes of each other. At least 15 people were killed
and over 200 were injured.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, December 6
Saint Nicholas Day
>From Cora
Thank you, Thank you, Webby,
My windows 10 now feels like 7 again.
If any out there are unhappy with windows 10,
do what DearWebby said. You won't regret it.
Happy again,
Cora
------------
>From Neil
Re speakers for laptop
If Denise has a Win 10 laptop it likely has bluetooth built
in. That will allow for wireless transmission of the sound
to a bluetooth speaker.
Here is a link for a bluetooth reciever that can be purchased
for less than $10.00 CAD and can be plugged in to the aux input
on many boomboxes. This eliminates the need for a wire and allows
the boombox to be located where convenient. The receiver needs
periodic recharging depending on usage. A usb cable is provided
for that purpose. Mine works well with the laptop I have.
Aliexpress Bluetooth
Another option is to purchase wireless bluetooth speakers for
around $40 to $50. These are smaller than another boombox and still
deliver decent sound. Obviously if you want to listen to a symphony
orchestra you need to pick a different option. (Vinyl record and
really expensive stereo probably).
The link provided is not an affiliate link but takes you to
Aliexpress.com which ships from manufacturers in China. They accept
paypal so you do not have to expose credit card info.
I have purchased many items from Ali Express, all have arrived in
working order. Do not purchase cellphones or tablets directly
from China. Cell phones are for European connections and will not
connect to Canadian carriers. The tablets are cheaply made and
fail constantly. Stick with the brand names for those purchases.
The computer accessories such as cables, usb hubs, etc. are no
different than what you can purchase in local stores, but are
much reduced in price.
The only drawback to ordering this way is the shipping time
regardless of the claims made on the site is an average of
six weeks.
Merry Christmas!
Neil
----------------
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Pregnant teacher arrested for sex with
16 year old student
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 6, in
1774 Austria became the first nation to introduce a state
education system.
History
______________________________________________________
Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut
that held its ground.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Two men were talking about their jobs. "The company where I
work is putting in a computer system and it is going to put a lot
of people out of work. Have they started that over where you
work?"
"Oh," said his friend, "We've been on computers for more than
five years but they can't replace me. Nobody has been able to
figure out exactly what I do."
______________________________________________________
Then, there was the young woman who was always tardy. But she
dressed in the latest styles. As she was running up to the church
just as people were starting to leave she panted:
"Is - M ass out?"
One of the Ladies society members replied:
"No, not quite, but your skirt is mighty short and it might be
if you run."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
>Reported by Lillemor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Virginia Houston Hinckley,
26,
Jacksonville,
Florida
Pregnant teacher arrested for sex with
16 year old student
A St. Johns County English teacher accused of having sex with
a 16-year-old student could soon be suspended without pay,
a school district spokeswoman said.
Virginia Houston Hinckley, a 26-year old St. Augustine High
School teacher, has been suspended with pay since October,
pending the outcome of the investigation, but the
superintendent is recommending at the next school board
meeting, Dec. 8, that she be suspended without pay.
Hinckley, who lives in Jacksonville, turned herself in
Wednesday at the Nassau County Sheriff’s Office after
learning a warrant for her arrest had been issued by the
St. Johns County Sheriff’s Office.
She is charged with having unlawful sexual activity with a
minor, which is a second-degree felony. She was released
Wednesday after posting $10,000 bond.
According to the arrest warrant affidavit, the 16-year-old
student said he became “flirty” with Hinckley, his English
teacher, days after school began and that he and others
commented on how she was pretty and how he “tickled” her.
The student initially asked for Hinckley's phone number.
She said no, but the following day when he asked again,
she gave it to him and told him not to tell anyone, the
warrant said.
The two began exchanging text messages, including nude photos,
according to the student. He said Hinckley sent him photos of
her breasts and other body parts, the warrant said.
According to the warrant, the student would often go to Hinckley's
classroom after school, and when they were alone one day -- on or
around Aug. 18 -- they began kissing and touching. She suggested
that they go to Treaty Park, on Wildwood Drive, and she followed
him there.
The student got out of his vehicle and sat in the front seat of
Hinckley's vehicle, where they kissed before moving to the back
seat and having unprotected sex, the warrant said.
Later that day, Hinckley sent the student a text message that
said, “You better keep your mouth shut about this.”
They continued exchanging text messages for about a week and
then stopped all communication, the warrant said.
Hinckley denied going to Treaty Park to have sex with the
student. Her vehicle was seized and swabbed for DNA after
deputies obtained a search warrant.
Two warrants for cellphone records revealed there was
communication between Hinckley and the student,
investigators said. According to the arrest warrant, a
witness saw Hinckley waiting for the 16-year-old before
they went to Treaty Park.
According to her old classmates and friends, Hinckley is
married and is expecting her first child next year.
School district officials said any steps beyond suspension
will have to wait until after the outcome of the legal
process.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Lydia
Re: Spreadsheet for tracking weight
Dear Webby,
I need an Excel spreadsheet to track my weight.
Unfortunately I have long forgotten all about spreadsheets,
so please tell me in small words like you did in the late
80's. And with a graph! Btw., my average weight now is
around 150.
Thanks
Lydia
Dear Lydia
Sounds like you successfully cured your anorexia!
Congratulations!
For the graph to make sense it's best to ignore the bottom
part, and only show the variations. So let's deduct the
bottom 130 pounds and only show what is above 130.
Men just focus on the top anyway.
OK, in the first column we put the date.
Type 12/1/2015 into the first cell.
Right Click on it, Format Cells
Select Date, and on the right side 14-Mar or whatever
short date format you want. OK
Now go into the cell below that and type
+a1+1. Actually that is Quattro Style, but Excel will
"correct" that to =+a1+1
That will show 2-Dec
Now copy that cell with CTRL C
Paste it down in the same column about 10 rows
You might have to click on the big A column header
to highlight the entire column, and format the date.
On to column B
Here you will enter your weight.
Just enter some example numbers between 140 and 160.
Column C
=IF(B1>0,B1-130,"")
That first checks if there IS something in column B.
If there isn't, there is no point deducting 130 from
nothing. However, if there IS something there, it deducts
130 from that, and puts it into Column C.
If there is nothing, it does nothing. Leaves cell C empty.
Copy that formula down column C as far as you want.
Now it gets tricky.
Smear column A to selct it.
Hold down CTRL and smear colum C down just as far.
Yes, I know, normally that would loose the previously
selected column A. In this case it doesn't.
Once you have Column A and C selected down to equal length,
click on the Graph button above.
Select either the top for upright bars or the third for lines.
The top one works well for what you want.
Highlight that and hit Next
And Next again
Then you can fill in the titles. For the top title type,
for example: Weight above 130
Then click on Legend above, and take the checkmark off.
That is only if you have different sets of data, for example
also the weight of ol Chubby. Then you would use different
color bars for you and for him.
Then click finish
Next rightclick on the dates at the bottom.
Excel always messes them up.
Right-click them and select Format Axis
Select for example 3/14 or any short version.
If the date is not rotated to save space,
you can do that there too. Same for fonts.
The rest is just dragging the graph to where you want it,
squishing parts and selecting colors.
Once you have made one, you will see how easy it is.
Just keep in mind that weird, non-standard way of selecting
data ranges.
Once you have reached the bottom of the example,
you don't have to dump the graph.
You can adjust the ranges.
Right-click between the columns
Select Source Data
OK, there you see a witches brew of Gobbledigook.
In that you will spot the numbers of the lowest used cells,
for example two occurrences of 16,
one for the dates and one for the top weights.
Change those two to for example 50.
Now the graph takes the data for 50 days.
If you change it to 365, it will do it for a year.
That is all there is to it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
>From Petra:
I wish to complain - the instructions on your deodorant were
very misleading. I followed your instructions on a stick of
deodorant to the letter: 'Take Off Top, Push Up Bottom', and
was left semi-naked in some not inconsiderable pain. And it
didn't help my perspiring.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Almond Crescent Cookies
A twist on the classic sugar cookie recipe, these almond
horns are perfect for a Christmas tea or enjoyed alongside
hot cocoa on a snowy afternoon.
Approximate Time: 90 minutes
Yield: 6 dozen
Ingredients:
1 cup butter
1/2 cup sugar
1 egg
3 Tbsp milk
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp amaretto
3 cups flour
1.5 tsp baking powder
1/2 cup cornstarch
1 cup almonds, ground
1 cup confectioners sugar
Steps:
Mix sugar, butter, egg, milk, and salt thoroughly.
Gradually add in flour, baking powder, cornstarch and
amaretto until dough is smooth and pliable.
Fold in almond bits. Shape dough into small logs
(about 1 inch long) and bend to form crescents.
Bake at 375 degrees F for 7-9 minutes. Allow to cool
slightly, then roll in confectioners sugar.
Source: My Italian Grandmother :-)
By Rae G. [21]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache,
do what it says on the aspirin bottle . . .
"Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."
___________________________________________________

Scat dancing

____________________________________________________
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final
exam after an entire semester dealing with a broad array of
topics.
The class was already seated and ready to go when the
professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and
wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this
semester, prove that this chair does not exist."
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious
fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour
attempting to refute the existence of the chair.
One member of the class however, was up and finished in
less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the
group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had
barely written anything at all.
They found his answer consisted of two words:
"What chair?"
____________________________________________________
This is a call that came into the 911 emergency line:
911 operator: 911 what is your emergency?
Man: Hey dude, I need an ambulance.
911 operator: A what?
Man: I need an ambulance. A woman just got hit by a car.
911 operator: Okay, where are you?
Man: I'm down here on Sycamore Street.
911 operator: Where are you? Say it again. This static
makes it hard to understand you.
Man: I'm at Sycamore Street!
911 operator: Maybe it would be easier to understand
you if you spell where you're at.
Man: All right. S-y-c-k...no, no that ain't right. S-i-
c-k...no...S-e...S-y. I'll tell you what, I'll skid her
over to Lee Street; you can pick her up there.
____________________________________________________

Temporary art.

Today, December 6, in
1492 Columbus discovered Hispaniola (now Haiti) and
the Dominican Republic.
1774 Austria became the first nation to introduce a state
education system.
1865 The 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was
ratified. The amendment abolished slavery in the U.S.
1877 Thomas Edison demonstrated the first gramophone,
with a recording of himself reciting Mary Had a Little Lamb.
1884 The construction of the Washington Monument was
completed by Army engineers. The project took 34 years.
1889 Jefferson Davis died in New Orleans. He was the first
and only president of the Confederate States of America.
1907 In Monongah, WV, 361 people were killed in America's
worst mine disaster.
1917 More than 1,600 people died when two munitions ships
collided in the harbor at Halifax, Nova Scotia.
1917 Finland proclaimed independence from Russia.
1921 The Catholic Irish Free State was created as a self
-governing dominion of Britain when an Anglo-Irish
treaty was signed.
1926 In Italy, Benito Mussolini introduced a tax on
bachelors.
1947 Everglades National Park in Florida was dedicated
by U.S. President Truman.
1957 America's first attempt at putting a satellite into
orbit failed when the satellite blew up on the launch pad
at Cape Canaveral, FL.
1982 11 soldiers and 6 civilians were killed when a bomb
exploded in a pub in Ballykelly, Northern Ireland. The
Irish National Liberation Army was responsible for
planting the bomb.
1983 In Jerusalem, a bomb planted on a bus exploded killing
six Israelis and wounding 44.
1989 The worst mass shooting in Canadian history occurred when
a man gunned down 14 women at the University of Montreal's
school of engineering. The man then killed himself.
1990 Iraq announced that it would release all its 2,000
foreign hostages.
1992 In India, thousands of Hindu extremists destroyed a
mosque. The following two months of Hindu-Muslim rioting
resulted in at least 2,000 people being killed.
1994 Orange County, CA, filed for bankruptcy protection due
to investment losses of about $2 billion. The county is one
of the richest in the U.S. and became the largest
municipality to file for bankruptcy.
1997 A Russian Antonov 124 military transport crashed into a
residential area in Irkutsk, Russia, shortly after takeoff.
70 people were killed.
1998 In Venezuela, former Lieutenant Colonel Hugo Chavez was
elected president. He had staged a bloody coup attempt
against the government six years earlier.
1998 Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Endeavour connected
the first two building blocks of the international space
station in the shuttle cargo bay.
2002 Winona Ryder was sentenced to 36 months of probation and
480 hours of community service stemming from her conviction
for shoplifting from Saks Fifth Avenue. She was also ordered
to pay $10,000 in fines and restitution.
2002 Officials released the detailed plans for a $4.7 million
memorial commemorating Princess Diana. The large oval
fountain was planned to be constructed in London's Hyde Park.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, December 5
In Austria, where I grew up, tonight is the night when
St Nicolaus and a devil come around, read the kids the
riot act about what they have to stop or start doing,
praise them for what they did right, and leave them some
goodies.
All during Grade and High School I had been threatened
quite frequently to be sent to Jagdberg, a former castle
converted to a Juvenile jail school with very high stone
walls.
While going to University a professor conned me into being
Santa at Jagdberg.
Picture me in Santa clothes on my motorcycle riding twenty
miles to Jagdberg. When I got there they gave me two shots
of Schnaps to ease my stage fright, and handed me a big sack
full of little ones, and a big old book with a hand written
page for each boy inserted between the pages.
My speeches to the first few boys were a bit awkward, but
then the stage fright medicine started to work, and I quickly
got the hang of it. After a few classess I was even told to
shorten my speeches and be a bit less dramatic.
Eventually I finished with all 640 inmates and started on
the guards and teachers. I had no papers on those, but faked
their sins and achievements quite nicely. By that time I
was on a roll!
Then they gave me coffee and a very nice sandwich with cold
cuts in it, and shoed me out. By that time it was about
11 PM and snowing. So I stopped at my girlfriend's place and
gave her the baggie of treats that they had given me for my
effort. By the time I got out of there it was almost getting
light. I made it home in time to change clothes and ride off
to University.
Good old days!
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
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not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to
Michigan men who robbed and beat up a cerbral palsy victim
and posted the beating on their own and his FaceBook page.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 4, in
1492 Christopher Columbus discovered Hispaniola (now Haiti).
History
______________________________________________________
The cure for boredom is curiosity.
There is no cure for curiosity.
--- Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967)
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels
with another must wait till that other is ready.
--- Henry David Thoreau
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
On an airplane, I overheard a stewardess talking to an elderly
couple in front of me. Learning that it was the couple's 50th
wedding anniversary, the flight attendant congratulated them
and asked how they had done it.
"It all felt like five minutes..." the gentleman said slowly.
The stewardess had just begun to remark on what a sweet
statement that was when he finished his sentence with a word
that earned him a sharp smack on the head: "..underwater."
______________________________________________________
Sam made an appointment with a urologist, famous for his
work in the field of impotence.
The doctor examined him and said, "You're in remarkably
good condition for a man of 85. Why are you here?"
Sam replied, "My friend Max says he has sex twice a week.
I can't do that."
The doctor shrugged. "Yes you can. You can certainly
SAY you have sex as many times a week as you like."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
>Reported by Lillemor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Nikey Dashone Walker and
Shadeed Dontae Bey,
both 20,
Pontiac,
Michigan
Cops: 'Cowards' film beating of man with cerebral palsy
Documented in some of the most graphic videos ever released
by the Oakland County Sheriff’s Office, two men were charged
Tuesday with the vicious beating of a 23-year-old Pontiac
man who has cerebral palsy.
In the video — filmed by the man’s attackers and posted on
their Facebook page, according to police — the victim can
be seen lying on the concrete floor of an apartment building’s
stairwell while his assailants kick and pummel him while
shouting profanities and calling him the "n" word.
"Preying on those in our community who suffer from
disabilities will not be tolerated and furthermore, to have
the audacity to post their actions on the victim’s page is
beyond belief," Oakland County Sheriff Michael Bouchard
said in a statement, adding: "I am proud of the deputies
at the Pontiac substation and the excellent investigative
work that was completed in order to bring these two
cowards to justice."
According to police, deputies responded to the Phoenix
Place Apartments at 8:30 a.m. Monday, after a caller said
an injured man was lying in front of the building.
Officers determined that the victim "was robbed of his
cell phone while he was inside his apartment and, after
following the assailants, he was beaten by them inside
a stairwell," said a news release from Oakland County
Undersheriff Mike McCabe.
"Detectives learned that the suspects had filmed the
assault using the victim's cell phone and then proceeded
to post the video to the victim's Facebook page as well
as their own personal pages," McCabe said in the release.
A few hours after the beating, police arrested the suspects
and the pair was arraigned Tuesday in 50th District Court
in Pontiac, McCabe said.
Authorities have not released the name of the victim, but
Frankie Santana, a resident at the complex, told WJBK-TV
that he was the man who was assaulted.
"Why would they do that and put it on Facebook? That's
how you are going to get caught real quickly," Santana said.
Santana said the men spit and stomped on him, injuring an
eye, but that "nothing is broke." He said he had seen one
of the men before. Investigators say they believe they
followed someone to get inside the building and then walked
into the victim's unlocked apartment.
"I crawled through the hallway and knocked on someone's door
and that's how I got help," Santana told the TV station.
Nikey Dashone Walker and Shadeed Dontae Bey, both 20 and
residents of Pontiac, were charged with home invasion,
unarmed robbery and assault with intent to do great bodily
harm less than murder; and Judge Michael Martinez assigned
$25,000 cash bonds to each, McCabe said.
Walker has a prior conviction for auto theft and Bey for
larceny, trespassing, possession of stolen goods, resisting
police and a drug charge, McCabe said in his release.
If convicted, they could be sent to prison for 10 years.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Denise
Re: Laptop sound
Dear Webby,
I got a laptop for the anniversary, with that wonky W10
on it, but I used your Classic Shell to get the W7 look
and feel again. I am not stupid. However, the sound is
still very crappy. I can do better with a comb and some
parchment paper. How can I fix the zilly Kazoo?
Denise
Dear Denise
You can't. With the cheap little squeakers in there,
what you hear now is the best you will ever get out of
that machine.
To get decent sound you have to add external speakers,
preferably amplified ones.
there are amplified speakers, that are made to work with
computers. Logitech makes some very good ones.
You can also go to the local Pawn show and see what they
got. Look for a boom box or living room stereo, that has
AUX input lugs or sockets, originally intended for record
player or external tape decks.
Then ask for a cable to connect from the GREEN socket
of the laptop, 1/8" stereo, to the boom box or house
stereo.
Connect, adjust the volume way down to minimize damage to
your fine crystal, and you are all set.
Unlike the cheap squeakers in laptops, quite often the
built in microphone is good enough so that Microsoft
and the CIA can hear every whisper in the room, and is
plenty good enough for video conferencing.
You CAN attach a head set or boom microphone. That cuts
off the CIA snooper and gives the focus to the external
microphone. If you don't want the CIA and Snowden to record
what you do with the postman, put the external microphone
in front of the radio.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
One afternoon, two doctors from India were having an
animated discussion.
"I say it's spelled 'W-H-O-O-M'," said the first Indian doctor.
"No, it is 'W-H-O-M-B'," said the other Indian doctor.
An American nurse passing by said, "Excuse me, you are both
wrong. It is spelled 'W-O-M-B'."
"Thank you nurse," said one of the doctors, "but we prefer to
settle this argument ourselves. Besides, we don't think you are
in a position to describe the sound of an elephant passing wind
under water."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Decoupaged Photo on Wood
This is an easy way to place a photo on wood.
Approximate Time: More than 24 hourslazy Susan with photos
Supplies:
One photo printed on "regular" copy paper. Do NOT use a photograph printed on anything but copy paper!
wax paper
Martha Stewart Decoupage (There is one for light surfaces and one for dark surfaces. Choose according to what you are placing your photo on.)
Rustoleum Ultra Cover Clear Gloss
Steps:
Print out your photo.
Cut photo and lay right side up on wax paper.
Spread decoupage evenly over the surface of the photo.
Turn upside down (decoupage down on wooden surface)
If you use something with a word, take this into consideration!
Decoupaged Photo on Wood
Wait 24 hours.
Use a sponge and water to wipe off the paper and the
photo will appear.
Spray the clear Rustoeum over the wooden surface.
I would suggest trying this on a scrap piece of wood first.
You will be pleased with the results of even your first attempt.
As you can see, I used a lazy Susan and will be a welcome gift.
Source: This is a Martha Stewart Product
By Sandy [48]
If you have a Laser printer, or if a friend has one,
you can simply put the picture upside down onto smoothly
sanded wood and iron it. The picture will transfer to the
wood. Pinning the picture will keep it from moving during
the ironing.
Some types of wood will need two applications. In that
case mark the outline with a pencil. You can erase that
before you spray the clear coat on it.
For smooth wood pieces check at the Dollar store. They
have lots of wood plaques with pious or smart-ass sayings
painted on the front, and smooth wood in the back.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
Two men were sitting at a bar recounting their dreams.
"I dreamed I was on vacation," one man said fondly. "It was
just me and my fishing rod and this big beautiful lake. What
a dream."
"I had a great dream too," said the other. "I dreamed I was
in bed with two beautiful women and having the time of my life."
His companion looked over and exhorted, "You dreamed you
had two beautiful women, and you didn't call me?"
"Oh, I did," said the other, "but when I called, your wife said
you'd gone fishing."
___________________________________________________

juggling at the White House

____________________________________________________
An attractive young woman who had just had surgery
performed on her asked the doctor,
"Will the scar show?"
The doctor replied, "That's entirely up to you."
____________________________________________________
"Arthur's wife convinced him to sign what's called a living will.
It's a document that gives her the right, if he becomes attached
to some mechanical device, to terminate his life.
So, yesterday, while he was on his new exercise bike,
with the heart rate monitor, the blood oxygen monitor,
the breathing rate monitor and the temperature monitors
attached to him. . . ."
____________________________________________________

Some beautiful, some amusing snow and ice art in Japan.

Today, December 5, in
1492 Christopher Columbus discovered Hispaniola (now Haiti).
1560 Charles IX succeeded as King of France on the death
of Francis II.
1766 James Christie, founder of the famous auctioneers, held
his first sale in London.
1797 Napoleon Bonaparte arrived in Paris to command forces for
the invasion of England.
1812 Napoleon Bonaparte left his army as they were retreating
from Russia.
1848 U.S. President Polk triggered the Gold Rush of '49 by
confirming the fact that gold had been discovered in California.
1876 The Stillson wrench was patented by D.C. Stillson. The
device was the first practical pipe wrench.
1904 The Russian fleet was destroyed by the Japanese at Port Arthur
during the Russo-Japanese War.
1908 At the University of Pittsburgh, numerals were first used on
football uniforms worn by college football players.
1913 Britain outlawed the sending of arms to Ireland.
1932 German physicist Albert Einstein was granted a visa making it
possible for him to travel to the U.S.
1933 Prohibition came to an end when Utah became the 36th state
to ratify the 21st Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.
1934 Fighting broke out between Italian and Ethiopian troops on
the Somalian border.
1934 The Soviet Union executed 66 people charged with plotting
against Joseph Stalin's government.
1935 In Montebello, CA, the first commercial hydrophonics
operation was established.
1936 The Soviet Union adopted a new Constitution
1944 During World War II, Allied troops took Ravenna, Italy.
1945 The so-called "Lost Squadron" disappeared. The five U.S.
Navy Avenger bombers carrying 14 Navy flyers began a training
mission at the Ft. Lauderdale Naval Air Station. They were
never heard from again.
1951 The first push button-controlled garage opened in
Washington, DC.
1956 British and French forces began a withdrawal from Egypt
during the Suez War.
1958 Britain's first motorway, the Preston by-pass, was opened
by Prime Minister Macmillan.
1961 United Nations forces launched an attack in Katanga, Congo,
near Elizabethville.
1971 The Soviet Union, at United Nations Security Council,
vetoed a resolution calling for a cease-fire in hostilities
between India and Pakistan over Kashmir.
1977 Egypt broke diplomatic relations with Syria, Libya, Algeria,
Iraq and South Yemen due to peaceful relations with Israel.
1978 The American space probe Pioneer Venus I, orbiting Venus,
began beaming back its first information and picture of the planet.
1979 Sonia Johnson was formally excommunicated by the Mormon Church
due to her outspoken support for the proposed Equal Rights Amendment
to the Constitution.
1983 In west Beirut, Lebanon, more than a dozen people were killed
when a car bomb shattered a nine-story apartment building.
1984 Iran's official news agency quoted the hijackers of a Kuwaiti
jetliner parked at Tehran airport as saying they would blow up the
plane unless Kuwait released 14 imprisoned extremists.
1988 Jim Bakker and former aide Richard Dortch were indicted by a
federal grand jury in North Carolina on fraud and conspiracy charges.
1989 East Germany's former leaders were placed under house arrest.
1998 James P. Hoffa became the head of the Teamsters union,
23 years after his father was the head. His father disappeared
and was presumed dead.
2001 In Germany, Afghan leaders signed a pact to create a temporary
administration for post-Taliban Afghanistan. Two women were included
in the cabinet structure. Hamid Karzai and his Cabinet were planned
to take over power in Afghanistan on December 22.
2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 300 million applications
downloaded.
2010 NASA's Mars Odyssey spacecraft became the longest-operating
spacecraft ever sent to Mars. The Odyssey entered orbit around Mars
on October 23, 2001.
2014 NASA's Orion Multi-Purpose Crew Vehicle (MPCV) debuted when
it was launched for a four hour test flight. It landed on target
in the Pacific Ocean.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, December 4
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
British rapist bully, who got the crap beaten out oif him
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 4, in
1812 Peter Gaillard patented the power mower.
History
______________________________________________________
Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
--- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
The Los Alamitos, California, police log reports that a caller
called police to report hearing a man screaming,
"I am going to kill you!"
which turned out to be the man "addressing his computer."
No charges were filed, of course, as the actions were deemed
to likely be appropriate.
______________________________________________________
In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory
that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local
woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you
limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think
women are weak, dumb, cantankerous...or what?"
"Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our
employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being
shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't
pout when I yell at them."
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Noella for this picture:
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
>Reported by Lillemor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Johnathon Holmes,
35,
Sheffield,
England
Sex attacker left beaten up after woman fights back
A violent sex fiend was left bruised and bloodied after
trying to rape a woman who courageously refused to go down
without a fight.
Johnathon Holmes, 35, jumped the woman on the streets of
Sheffield, England, last month -- but ended up having to
escape his own beastly attack with two black eyes and
numerous gashes to his face, The Mirror reported.
On Tuesday, the Sheffield man pleaded guilty to the Nov. 1
attack and was sentenced to four and a half years in prison,
according to The Mirror.
The woman testified in court that he followed her in the
early morning hours for over a mile before pouncing on her
and knocking her into some bushes.
Fortunately for her, she realized she was being followed
and prepared herself by placing her car keys in her hand
as a potential weapon, she testified. She had also pulled
out her phone to call her partner.
As Holmes forced her on her back and climbed on top of her,
he told her, “you are going to enjoy this,” she said.
He then thrust his tongue into her mouth, and she chomped down
on it as hard as she could. When he relaxed his grip she
maneuvered herself on top of him and, with her keys pressed
to his neck, continued screaming for help, and just generally
beat the crap out of the big bully, she told the court.
Two passers-by heard her cries and likely prompted his
attempt to flee, Prosecutor Rachael Harrison said, according
to The Sheffield Star. But as he jumped over some railings,
he injured himself some more.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Denise
Re: Laptop sound
Dear Webby,
I got a laptop for the anniversary, with that wonky W10
on it, but I used your Classic Shell to get the W7 look
and feel again. I am not stupid. However, the sound is
still very crappy. I can do better with a comb and some
parchment paper. How can I fix the zilly Kazoo?
Denise
Dear Denise
You can't. With the cheap little squeakers in there,
what you hear now is the best you will ever get out of
that machine.
To get decent sound you have to add external speakers,
preferably amplified ones.
there are amplified speakers, that are made to work with
computers. Logitech makes some very good ones.
You can also go to the local Pawn show and see what they
got. Look for a boom box or living room stereo, that has
AUX input lugs or sockets, originally intended for record
player or external tape decks.
Then ask for a cable to connect from the GREEN socket
of the laptop, 1/8" stereo, to the boom box or house
stereo.
Connect, adjust the volume way down to minimize damage to
your fine crystal, and you are all set.
Unlike the cheap squeakers in laptops, quite often the
built in microphone is good enough so that the Microsoft
and the CIA can hear every whisper in the room, and is
plenty good enough for video conferencing.
You CAN attach a head set or boom microphone. That cuts
off the CIA snooper and gives the focus to the external
microphone. If you don't want the CIA and Snowden to record
what you do with the postman, put the external microphone
in front of the radio.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
The above joke reminds me of this fact:
Giant Canadian/US retailer Home Depot has issued a company
policy that no store is to do any more business with the US
government or its representatives.
Why?
They prefer to hire people with experience in construction and
building trades or their spouses who generally know as much
about hardware, people who speak the local language fluently,
and people who are physically in good enough shape to be
able to assist customers with loading their purchases.
However, if they sell above a certain amount of stuff to the US
government, they fall under contractor or supplier status and
have to employ according to government regulations. Right now
that would mean firing a lot of women and hire more men, even
if they are in no shape to lift a bag of cement that is as heavy
as a kid, or don't know what cement is. They would have to fire
local people who live within walking distance of the store and
hire a certain percentage of new immigrants, etc., etc.
Therefore, when they had to choose between customer service
as usual versus government style, they decided to tell the
governement to go shop elsewhere.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Double Chocolate Toffee Cookies
Ingredients:
3/4 cup cocoa
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup butter, softened
2/3 cup granulated sugar
2/3 cup packed, brown sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 eggs
1/2 cup chocolate chips
1/2 cup toffee bits
Steps:
Preheat oven to 350ş F. Combine flour, cocoa, baking soda
and salt in medium bowl.
Beat butter, granulated sugar, brown sugar and vanilla extract
in large mixer bowl until creamy.
Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition.
Gradually beat in flour mixture. Stir in chips and toffee bits.
Place by spoonful on greased baking sheets.
Bake for 9 to 11 minutes.
Link: triingforbalance.blogspot.com
By Rae G. [20]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
On her way back from the concession stand, Sally asked a man
at the end of the row of seats, "Pardon me, but did I step on
your foot before?"
Expecting an apology, the man said, "Indeed you did."
Sally nodded, "Oh good. Then this is my row."
___________________________________________________

juggling at the White House

____________________________________________________
Gina was trying to get her eigth-grade history class to
understand how the Indians must have felt when they first
encountered the Spanish explorers.
"How would you feel," she asked, "if someone showed up on
your doorstep who looked very different, spoke in a strange
way that you don't understand, and wore weird and unusual
clothes? Wouldn't you be a bit scared?"
"Nah," one girl answered, "That pretty well describes Bozo,
my sister's boyfriend,
and I've beaten him up three times already."
____________________________________________________
The FBI issued a warning, in a Lancaster County,
Pennsylvania newspaper, that they suspect a terrorist may
be hiding in the Amish community here. This photo
provided the first clue that triggered the investigation:
____________________________________________________

Some beautiful, some amusing snow and ice art in Japan.

Today, December 4, in
1812 Peter Gaillard patented the power mower.
1918 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson set sail for France to attend
the Versailles Peace Conference. Wilson became the first chief
executive to travel to Europe while in office.
1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered the dismantling
of the Works Progress Administration. The program had been
created in order to provide jobs during the Great Depression.
1942 U.S. bombers attacked the Italian mainland for the first
time during World War II.
1943 Baseball Commissioner Kenesaw Mountain Landis announced that
any club was free to employ black players.
1965 The U.S. launched Gemini 7 with Air Force Lt. Col. Frank
Borman and Navy Comdr. James A. Lovell on board.
1973 Pioneer 10 reached Jupiter.
1977 Jean-Bedel Bokassa, ruler of the Central African Empire,
crowned himself emperor in a ceremony believed to have cost
more than $100 million. He was deposed 2 years later.
1978 Dianne Feinstein became San Francisco's first woman mayor
when she was named to replace George Moscone, who had been
murdered.
1980 The bodies of four American nuns slain in El Salvador two
days earlier were unearthed. Five national guardsmen were
later convicted of the murders.
1983 U.S. jet fighters struck Syrian anti-aircraft positions
in Lebanon in retaliation for attacks directed at American
reconnaissance planes. Navy Lt. Robert O. Goodman Jr. was
shot down and captured by Syria.
1984 A five-day hijack drama began as four men seized a Kuwaiti
airliner en route to Pakistan and forced it to land in Tehran.
Two American passengers were killed by the hijackers.
1987 Cuban inmates at a federal prison in Atlanta freed their
89 hostages, peacefully ending an 11-day uprising.
1988 The government of Argentina announced that hundreds of
heavily armed soldiers had ended a four-day military revolt.
1990 Iraq promised to release 3,300 Soviet citizens it was holding.
1991 Associated Press correspondent Terry Anderson was released
after nearly seven years in captivity in Lebanon.
1991 Pan American World Airways ceased operations.
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush ordered American troops to
lead a mercy mission to Somalia.
1993 The Angolan government and its UNITA guerrilla foes formally
adopted terms for a truce. The conflict was killing an estimated
1,000 people per day.
1994 Bosnian Serbs released 53 out of about 400 UN peacekeepers
they were holding as insurance against further NATO airstrikes.
2000 O.J. Simpson was involved in an incident with another motorist
in Miami, FL. Simpson was accused of scratching the other motorists
face while pulling off the man's glasses.
2001 O.J. Simpson's home in Florida was raided by the FBI in an
ongoing two year international investigation into drug trafficking,
satellite service pilfering and money laundering. Some satellite
equipment was taken from Simpson's home and no drugs were found.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Woman shot ex-beau in leg after moving out
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 3, in
1792 The trial of France's King Louis XVI began. He was
eventually put to death for the 33 charges.
href="#hist">History
______________________________________________________
A nation is a society united by delusions about its ancestry
and by common hatred of its neighbors.
--- William Ralph Inge (1860 - 1954)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A housewife with three young children was getting dinner ready
when the phone rang. The six-year-old picked it up and said,
"Hi, Daddy!" and she began telling him about her day. She then
passed the phone to her brother and sister as was the custom
whenever Daddy called from work.
When it was finally the wife's turn to talk she took the receiver
and said, "Hi, hon."
"Thank God, lady," the voice on the other end replied. "I just
called to tell you that your snowblower is fixed"
______________________________________________________
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the
years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a
week to play cards.
One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other
and said, "Now don't get mad at me . . . I know we've been friends
for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought
and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your
name is."
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared
and glared at her. Finally she said,
"How soon do you need to know?"
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Noella for this picture:
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
>Reported by Moe
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Asia Roshonda Simpson,
21,
Orlando,
Florida
Woman shot ex-beau in leg after moving out
A dispute about a past relationship quickly escalated Tuesday
when a woman shot her ex-boyfriend in the leg at his apartment
where she previously lived with him for a f ew months,
officials said.
Orlando police are looking for shooting suspect
Asia Roshonda Simpson, 21.
About 8 p.m., officers were called to the shooting at
GrandeVille at JubiLee Park apartments off South Goldenrod
Road near the Orlando International Airport.
Once inside, police found the victim — who hasn't been
identified — lying on the floor between the kitchen and
bedroom, holding his right leg. The back of his pants were
covered in blood, according to a report said. Police asked
who shot him, and he said his ex-girlfriend.
Emergency personnel found a fragment of the bullet in his
jeans. He was rushed to Orlando Regional Medical Center.
His condition was unknown.
"It appears he was shot from the front of his right leg and
the bullet exited through the rear of his leg," the report
said. The victim said they began dating in January. They
lived together most of their relationship until they broke
up in October. She was in the process of moving out.
Once she took everything from the apartment, the victim
left to eat. She called him multiple times, police said,
until he answered. That's when she said she wanted to talk
to him in person. He returned to the apartment and they
spoke about their past relationship.
"He stated she was upset because she was homeless," the
report said. "He told her to go to her sister's house or
the new guy she was dating." Simpson then pulled a gun from
her purse and shot him, police said.
"He dropped to the ground and pleaded with her not to shoot
him again," the report said. "He stated he was afraid that
she was going to shoot him again and kill him."
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Comac
Re: Can't go back to Windows 7
Dear Webby,
I sure envy the lady that could go back to Windows 7.
I'm telling everybody as long as your computer is healthy
stay with it. When a new one has to be bought you are stuck
with Windows 10 like I am. Wish it never got invented.
For a while I felt like I was starting to use a computer
for the first time again. Getting better now, but it took
over 3 weeks.
Comac
Dear Comac
Use the Classic link I had on that page.
You can make W10 look and feel like W7 or even XP.
Lots of companies use the XP look and feel, because
they just want their employees to get work done,
and not waste time cussing at W10.
XP works. What more do they need?
Now you can even pick and choose which parts you want
to look and feel like W7. Try it!
If you are beyond the 30 day grace period, you can try
Classic Shell from Classic Shell
and just change the look and feel back to W7.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
-------
From Charles M
Hi Webby,
You are the man again - I restored my tablet, using the
website instructions : having coffee while it did the job
automatically.
A big "Thank You "
Charles
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Bambi, the pert young yuppie, filled her gas tank at a self service
station. After she had paid and driven away, she realized she'd
left the gas cap on top of her car. "Ooopsie," she said as she
stopped and looked. Sure enough, it was lost.
Mustering all her mental abilities she thought for a few minutes.
"Surely I'm not the only young, beautiful woman to have done this,"
she muttered to herself. "Others must have done the same thing.
Maybe if I drive back the way I came, I'll find a gas
cap that will fit, or maybe even the one I lost."
Bambi drove back down the street and sure enough, she found a
gas cap laying by the side of the road. She tried it on, and it
went into place with a satisfying "click."
"WOW, this is SO COOL", Bambi said to no one in particular.
"I lost my gas cap, but found one that fits. It's even better
than my old one because this one automatically LOCKS!"
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Leftover Mashed Potato Waffles
These are my favourite things to make after Thanksgiving,
Christmas, or any time I have an abundance of leftover
mashed potatoes. These waffles are creamy in the middle
and crispy on the outside; perfect for breakfast with
some eggs or just on their own. Definitely a fun twist
on a leftover item.
Approximate Time: 15 minutes
Yield: 4 waffles
Ingredients:
1 Tbsp oil
1/4 cup milk
2 eggs
2 1/2 cup leftover mashed potatoes
1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1/2 cup flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1 slice cooked and crumbled bacon (optional)
Steps:
Whisk together oil, milk and eggs.
Leftover Mashed Potato WafflesLeftover Mashed Potato Waffles
Stir in the mashed potatoes*, cheese, and bacon (if you're
using it) until well combined.
In another bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder
and baking soda. Fold the flour mixture into the potato
mixture until it's well combined.
Scoop the mixture into greased waffle maker, spreading
it into an even layer. Bake until golden brown and the
egg is cooked fully, a few minutes.
Open and check to see if you've reached desired browning.
My waffle maker is temperamental; I have to flip my waffles
over to get them crunchy.
Serve with eggs or on their own. I like them with a hit of
sour cream (my husband likes his with ketchup and hot sauce).
So yummy!
*Depending on the consistency of the leftover mashed
potatoes you're using, you might need to either add a bit
more milk (if they're too dry), or a bit more flour
(if they're wet).
By attosa [142]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
The personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the
department staff be supplied broken down by age and sex.
The personnel office sent this reply -
"Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have no one broken
down by age and sex. However, we have a few alcoholics."
___________________________________________________

Wine opener

____________________________________________________
A woman, whose fondness for the good life had taken its toll in
added pounds - and girth -was being shown a Jeep by a
salesman at an auto dealership.
When the salesman's pitch had run its course, he sought to
close with the typical line,
"Now what would it take to get you into one of these?"
Looking at the Jeep's high front seat, the woman replied,
"Probably a forklift."
____________________________________________________
Jeff's mother-in-law uses curlers in her hair after she washes it.
She came into the Family Room as he was watching TV. It
seems hestared at her funny because she said,
"I just set my hair."
While we remember the ruckus that followed, the last thing
he remembers is saying:
"Oh, really? At what time is it set go off?"
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
When you've made your brother mad at you and he's
pouring water on you from the top bunk, if it's warm,
you might want to double check exactly where it's coming from
Noella
____________________________________________________

Wow! What I could do with just the interest on all this money!

Today, December 3, in
1792 The trial of France's King Louis XVI began. He was
eventually put to death for the 33 charges.
1835 In Rhode Island, the Manufacturer Mutual Fire Insurance
Company issued the first fire insurance policy.
1910 The neon lamp was displayed for the first time at the
Paris Motor Show. The lamp was developed by French physicist
Georges Claude.
1917 The Quebec Bridge opened for traffic after almost 20 years
of planning and construction. The bridge suffered partial
collapses in 1907 (August 29) and 1916 (September 11).
1931 Alka Seltzer was sold for the first time.
1947 The Tennessee Williams play "A Streetcar Named Desire"
opened at Broadway's Ethel Barrymore Theater.
1948 The "Pumpkin Papers" came to public light. The House
Un-American Activities Committee announced that former
Communist spy Whittaker Chambers had produced microfilm
of secret documents hidden inside a pumpkin on his Maryland farm.
1967 In Cape Town, South Africa, a team of surgeons headed by
Dr. Christian Barnard, performed the first human heart
transplant on Louis Washkansky. Washkansky only lived
18 days.
1973 Pioneer 10 sent back the first close-up images of
Jupiter. The first outer-planetary probe had been launched
from Cape Canaveral, FL, on March 2, 1972.
1982 Doctors at the University of Utah Medical Center
removed the respirator of Barney Clark. The retired dentist
had become the world's first recipient of a permanent
artificial heart only one day before.
1984 In Bhopal, India, more than 2,000 people were killed
after a cloud of poisonous gas escaped from a pesticide
plant. The plant was operated by a Union Carbide subsidiary.
1992 The Greek tanker "Aegean Sea" ran aground at La Coruna,
Spain and spilled 21.5 million gallons of crude oil.
1993 Britain's Princess Diana announced she would be
limiting her public appearances because she was tired of
the media's intrusions into her life.
1993 Angola's government and its rebel enemies agreed to a
cease-fire in their 18-year war.
1994 Rebel Serbs in Bosnia failed to keep a pledge to
release hundreds of UN peacekeepers.
1995 Former South Korean president Chun Doo-hwan was arrested
for his role in a 1979 coup.
1997 In Ottawa, Canada, more than 120 countries were represented
to sign a treaty prohibiting the use and production of anti-
personnel land mines. The United States, China and Russia did
not sign the treaty.
1997 South Korea received $55 billion from the International
Monetary Fund to bailout its economy.
1999 Tori Murden became the first woman to row across the
Atlantic Ocean alone. It took her 81 days to reach the French
Caribbean island of Guadeloupe from the Canary Islands.
1999 The World Trade Organization (WTO) concluded a four-day
meeting in Seattle, WA, without setting an agenda for a new
round of trade talks. The meeting was met with fierce protests
by various groups, that caused $2 Billion in damage, without
anybody finding out what the protesters wanted.
1999 The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA)
lost radio contact with the Mars Polar Lander as it
entered Mars' atmosphere. The spacecraft was unmanned.
2010 The Boeing X-37 returned to Earth successfully after its
first orbital mission. It launched on April 22, 2010.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, December 2
Thank you, Frank for your Assumption Abbey Christmas Cake!
I will keep it cool until Christmas. Promise!
I won't open the box until the Christmas tree is up and lit.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Mississippi man is accused in Louisiana of
killing his father and stabbing his mother because they
ordered fast food and didn't get any for him.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 2, in
1804 Napoleon was crowned emperor of France in Paris.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Wit makes its own welcome, and levels all distinctions.
No dignity, no learning, no force of character,
can make any stand against good wit.
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Doc Smith placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf
female patient's anterior chest wall.
"Big breaths," he instructed her.
"Yeth, they uthed to be," remorsed the patient.
______________________________________________________
Teacher: If you had $1.00 and you asked your father for
another,how many dollars would you have.
Little Johnny: "I would have $1.00!"
Teacher: "You don't know your arithmetic."
Little Johnny: "You don't know my father!"
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Noella for this picture:
Lutheran Church Freistadt MO
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
>Reported by Moe
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Ronald Pritchett,
19,
Huron,
California
Mississippi man is accused in Louisiana of
killing his father and stabbing his mother because they
ordered fast food and didn't get any for him
Jefferson Parish spokesman John Fortunato said Ronald
Pritchett, 32, faces charges of second-degree murder,
attempted second-degree murder and auto theft.
Sheriff Danny Rigel, of Lamar County, Mississippi, said
Pritchett was arrested Thursday at a relative's home near
the town of Purvis and has waived extradition to Louisiana.
Fortunato said Percival Pritchett, 58, and his wife,
Renitta Pritchett, 57, were stabbed Wednesday at their
home in unincorporated Gretna.
University Medical Center spokeswoman Aleis Tusa said
Renitta Pritchett was released after treatment.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Shirley
Re: Go back to Windows 7
Dear Webby,
Don't know if you can help me or not. I upgraded to Windows 10
and now can't find all of my favorites that I had saved so
that I could just click on the yellow star and the list would
show up and I could click on what I was looking for. I saw
the yellow star once and have not been able to find it again.
The task bar also does not show up. Can I uninstall Windows 10
and go back to Windows 7?
Thank you
Shirley
Dear Shirley
If you have changed to Windows 10 less than a month ago,
then you can go back to Windows 7.
Just follow the instructions at
UNinstall W10
If you are beyond the 30 day grace period, you can try
Classic Shell from Classic Shell
and just change the look and feel back to W7.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Dear Webby,
Thank you so much, Webby. I was able to reinstall Windows 7.
Is working perfectly.
Shirley
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A keynote speaker at a convention came to the podium,
shuffled his notes, scanned his audience to make eye
contact, and said, thoughtfully:
"Where to begin? Where to begin?"
A voice in the crowded hall yelled:
"As close to the end as possible!!"
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Streak Free Hardwood Floors
I moved into a house where I have real hardwood floors.
My old house had laminate and I've tried everything a steam
mop, a steam vacuum mop, the regular mop by hand method, and
I always had streaky laminate floors. With the new house and
hardwood, which is about 11 years old, I was determined to
find a way to have streak free floors. I have tried many
combinations of natural solutions different mops and always
end up non-streak free but today I realize there's only one
solution to the problem no matter what cleaning products you
want to use.
The first step is to vacuum or sweep. Then fill a bucket
1/4 full, with;
warm water
1 cup white vinegar
3 drops "drops" of dish soap,
drop the soap into still water to avoid suds
Next, using a mop start with a small section. Here's
the trick, immediately throw an absorbent clean towl
down and using the mop wipe the floor dry. Continue in
sections. Remember you may have to get extra towels as
they get too damp. The problem that we're having with
the streaks is the water is drying in place and leaving
a watermark, so if you wipe the excess water immediately
ya got a beautiful shine.
By Justjenn [1]
Too tedious for me.
I use hot water and a squirt of dish soap, and a heavy
string mop. Square tip, not the cutesy yacht mop tip.
After sweeping with a Microfiber dustmop,
I dunk the wet mop and squeeze excess water out,
and mop the floor.
Since it is only damp, not sloppy after I squeezed it,
it does not leave streaks.
If your dish soap does not leave streaks on glasses,
then it won't leave streaks after damp mopping.
The only challenge is to find the heavy, thick yarn,
square tipped wet mops unless you go to a janitorial supply
store. Yep, that is what the professionals use.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
A man was stranded on the proverbial deserted Pacific island
for years. Finally one day a boat comes sailing into view,
and the man frantically waves and draws the skipper's
attention. The boat comes near the island and the sailor
gets out and greets the stranded man. After awhile the
sailor asks, "What are those three huts you have here?"
"Well, that's my house there."
"What's that next hut?" asks the sailor.
"I built that hut to be my church."
"What about the other hut?"
"Oh, that's where I used to go to church."
___________________________________________________

you can't fix stupid

____________________________________________________
After the lecture, the speaker invited questions from the
floor. "I'll hear first from the blonde lady in the front
row," he announced but there was no response. Finally
realizing all eyes were on her, the blonde lady spoke up.
"I didn't know you meant me. I've only been a blonde since
yesterday."
____________________________________________________
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves,
and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind
them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is
galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they a come a
together. I come again. Two asses, they come a together
again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. In
this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola da down lady," said the man. Imma just tella my
friend, da bishop, how to spella Mississippi."
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
When you've made your brother mad at you and he's
pouring water on you from the top bunk, if it's warm,
you might want to double check exactly where it's coming from
Noella
____________________________________________________

10 Strange facts about animals that some of us didn't know.

Today, December 2, in
1804 Napoleon was crowned emperor of France in Paris.
1823 U.S. President James Monroe outlined his doctrine opposing
European expansion in the Western Hemisphere.
1901 Gillette patented the KC Gillette Razor. It was first razor
to feature a permanent handle and disposable double-edge razor
blades.
1917 During World War I, hostilities were suspended on the
eastern front.
1927 The Ford Motor Company unveiled the Model A automobile. It
was the successor to the Model T.
1939 New York's La Guardia Airport began operations
1942 A self-sustaining nuclear chain reaction was demonstrated
by Dr. Enrico Fermi and his staff at the University of Chicago.
1954 The U.S. Senate voted to condemn Sen. Joseph R. McCarthy for
what it called "conduct that tends to bring the Senate into
dishonor and disrepute." The censure was related to McCarthy's
controversial investigation of suspected communists in the U.S.
government, military and civilian society.
1961 Cuban leader Fidel Castro declared in a nationally broadcast
speech that he was a Marxist-Leninist and that he was going to
lead Cuba to communism.
1969 The Boeing 747 jumbo jet got its first public preview as
191 people flew from Seattle, WA, to New York City, NY. Most of
the passengers were reporters and photographers.
1970 The Environmental Protection Agency began operations.
1982 Doctors at the University of Utah implanted a permanent
artificial heart in the chest of retired dentist Barney Clark.
He lived 112 days with the device. The operation was the first
of its kind.
1988 Benazir Bhutto was sworn in as prime minister of Pakistan.
1989 V.P. Singh was sworn in as prime minister of India.
1990 The Midwest section of the U.S. prepared for a massive
earthquake predicted by Iben Browning. Nothing happened.
1993 The space shuttle Endeavor blasted off on a mission to fix
the Hubble Space Telescope.
1994 The U.S. government agreed not to seek a recall of allegedly
fire-prone General Motors pickup trucks. A deal was made with GM
under which the company would spend more than $51 million on
safety and research.
1995 NASA launched a U.S.-European observatory on a $1 billion dollar
mission intended to study the sun.
1998 Microsoft Corp. chairman Bill Gates donated $100 million to help
immunize children in developing countries.
1999 The British government transferred political power over the
province of Northern Ireland to the Northern Ireland Executive.
2001 Enron Corp. filed for Chapter 11 reorganization. The filing came
five days after Dynegy walked away from a $8.4 billion buyout. It
was the largest bankruptcy in U.S. history.
2010 NASA announced the discovery of a new arsenic-based life form.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Burglar Stuck In Chimney Dies After Homeowner Lights Fire
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, December 1, in
1835 Hans Christian Andersen published his first book of
fairy tales.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
A poet more than thirty years old is simply an overgrown child.
--- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Chateau Miaou
According to the Journal of Medicine in 1985, five times more
money was spent on breast implants and Viagra than on
Alzheimer's research. It follows that in 30 years (from 1985)
there will be great numbers of people walking around with huge
breasts and erections unable to remember what to do with them.
______________________________________________________
Chicago Sun-Times, reported the following:
''News Item: Psychiatrists explore ways to treat Jerusalem
Syndrome, in which as many as 1 in 100 pilgrims to Jerusalem
imagine they are biblical figures, dress up in hotel bedsheets,
sing psalms at the top of their lungs and preach to passersby..
Psychiatrists want to take all the fun out of being a pilgrim.''
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Noella for this picture:
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
>Reported by Moe
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
AND a Darwin Award
has been earned by
Cody CALDWELL,
19,
Huron,
California
Burglar Stuck In Chimney
Dies After Homeowner Lights Fire
A suspected burglar broke into a home in Fresno County, California,
but was never actually able to leave. The man ended up getting
stuck in the chimney of the home and then died on Saturday
afternoon after the unsuspecting homeowner lit a fire.
According to Fox News, the homeowner had no idea that a burglar,
or anyone for that matter, was in his chimney.
On Friday night, the burglar climbed up to the top of the top
of a home in the city of Huron, California. He then lowered
himself into the chimney in hopes of entering the home and
robbing it of its belongings, but things didn’t go so well
from there.
The burglar ended up getting stuck in the chimney and just
stayed there. On Saturday afternoon, the homeowner went to
light a fire in his fireplace, but had no idea that anyone
was actually stuck in the chimney.
Just before 3 p.m. on Saturday, the homeowner heard the
burglar scream from inside the chimney shortly after the
fire was lit. He immediately worked at putting the fire
out and it caused the home to fill up with smoke.
Yahoo News reported that while the home was filling up with
smoke, the homeowners contacted the authorities to let them
know of the situation. They continued to try to put the fire
out while waiting for firefighters to arrive.
Cal Fire – Fresno County arrived on the scene at the home on
the 16000 block of W. Gale Ave just about 10 minutes after
the initial call. The suspect in the chimney was said to
apparently still be breathing and moving while stuck inside
of the chimney.
Firefighters began tearing apart the chimney to get the
burglar out of the chimney and after a short while, they
were able to remove him. While attempting to rescue the man,
they soon discovered that he was dead.
A preliminary investigation done by the police show that no
wrongdoing was done by the homeowner. No one within the home
had any idea that someone was in the chimney at the time
they lit the fire as the suspect had crawled into it overnight
in an attempt to rob the home.
The suspect’s body was removed from the scene in Fresno County,
California, by the Coroner’s Office. An autopsy is going to
be performed to identity not only the cause and exact manner
of death, but also his identity.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Irene
Re: How to send a Fax
Dear Webby,
I used to send faxes from my laptop for many years.
Then suddenly it stopped. What can I do to send the
occasional fax? I got W7, and the laptop is kinda ancient.
Thanks
Ireme
Dear Irene
There could be many reasons, from bad connection to
hardware to Windows settings. Enough for a small book.
I am in the same predicament. My laptop is probably older
than you are, and I don't have the time to sort out all
Windows problems, that could interfere with faxing.
Since there are alot of people like us around, there are
also a number of companies on the web, who will fax for us.
Here are some:
https://www.efax.cahttps://www.efax.com
They are free for the first month, $16.50 after that
You get a fax number, that you can put on your site or
your stationery.
Then there is
http://www.bestfreefax.com/
Fax for free, receive for $3.95 a month.
You get a fax number too, that you can use.
With services like that just a click away, there is no point
buying a fax machine for occasional faxing or to spend a lot
of time messing with the Windows Fax.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Sid and Al were sitting in a Mexican restaurant.
"Sid," asked Al, "Are there any Jews in Mexico?"
I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"
When the waiter came by, Al asked him,
"Are there any Mexican Jews?"
"I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went
into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said,
"No, sir. No Mexican Jews."
"Are you sure?" Al asked.
"I will check again, sir." the waiter replied and went back to the
kitchen.
While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are
no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere."
When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Mexican Jews."
"Are you really sure?" Al asked again. "I cannot believe there
are no Mexican Jews."
"Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated.
"We have orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews and grape
Jews, but no one ever hear of Mexican Jews!"
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Best Brownies
As easy as a mix, but much better!
Approximate Time: 25 min prep; 30 min bake
Yield: 1 8-inch square pan
Ingredients:
1/2 cup butter
1 cup sugar
2 large eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract (I always use vanilla paste, for more flavor)
1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp baking powder
Steps:
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
Grease and flour an 8-inch square baking pan. I used this
recipe for my brownie bowls (recipe submitted separately),
so I greased and floured muffin tins.
In microwave, melt butter.
Stir in the sugar, eggs and vanilla.
Beat in the cocoa, flour, salt and baking powder.
Spread the batter into the pan (I put the batter into
the muffin tins).
Bake 25-30 minutes. Do not overcook.
Source: adapted from allrecipes.com
By Judy Pariser S. [39]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
Little Harold was practing the violin in the living room while his
father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in
the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Harold's violin
reached his ears, he began to howl loudly.
The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could.
Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled
above the noise,
"For Pete's sake. can't you play something the dog doesn't
know?!"
___________________________________________________

epic cat fight

____________________________________________________
Two elderly women were trying on shoes in a store. When Joe
slipped a shoe onto one woman's foot, the end of his tie got
caught beneath her heel. Unaware of his predicament, she
stood up and started toward the mirror.
For a few seconds, Joe was crawling along the floor beside
her, trying to get her attention.
"Look, Martha," her friend said.
"He wants to go home with you!"
____________________________________________________
Way down the Mississippi River, two tugboat captains from
Luisiana, who had been friends for years, would always cry,
"Aye!" and blow their whistles whenever they passed each
other.
A new crewman asked his captain, "Hey, Pierre, why you do
dat?"
The captain looked surprised and replied, "Sacri Bleu, you
dumb Cajun, your mother not read ta bible to you? You never
hear of 'an aye for an aye an a toot for a toot' ?"
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
Gaslight Square in St. Louis was a thriving entertainment
district known for gas lit street lamps and a jazzy sound.
Entertainers like the Smothers Brothers, Barbra Streisand,
Woody Allen and Miles Davis gained exposure there at the
start of their careers. While the district was well known
for its night clubs, there was a little coffee house just
around the corner called The Exit - a play on words of
the title of Jean-Paul Sartre's book, No Exit.
The coffee house had an open mike and anybody could say
anything, read anything, and they did. During the day,
I worked with the guy who ran the place. He asked me to
volunteer waiting tables for one night, I said I would.
Now the decor was dark - everything was dark burgundy and
black. At nightthe only lighting was a small candle at each
table. My job was to take orders for drinks (coffee, tea,
juice, etc.) I think it was my second table that I approached
with a glass of water and ice. I sat the glass down and before
I could ask for their order, I heard a cry - coming from MY
table. Seems that since I really couldn't see the table, I'd
set the glass on the edge and it'd tipped over onto the
lady's lap.
The rest of my volunteering that night was upstairs typing
papers.
Noella
____________________________________________________

Whew! I'm so glad I don't have to drive any of these roads!

Today, December 1, in
1835 Hans Christian Andersen published his first book of fairy tales.
1909 The Pennsylvania Trust Company, of Carlisle, PA, became the
first bank in the in the U.S. to offer a Christmas Club account.
1913 Ford Motor Co. began using a new movable assembly line that
ushered in the era of mass production.
1913 The first drive-in automobile service station opened,
in Pittsburgh, PA.
1925 The Locarno Pact finalized the treaties between World War I
protagonists.
1934 Sergei M. Kirov, a collaborator of Joseph Stalin, was
assassinated at the Leningrad party headquarters.
1941 In the U.S., the Civil Air Patrol was created. In April
1943 the Civil Air Patrol was placed under the jurisdiction of
the Army Air Forces.
1942 In the U.S., nationwide gasoline rationing went into effect.
1952 In Denmark, it was announced that the first successful
sex-change operation had been performed.
1955 Rosa Parks, a black seamstress in Montgomery, AL, refused
to give up her seat to a white man. Mrs. Parks was arrested
marking a milestone in the civil rights movement in the U.S.
1959 12 countries, including the U.S. and USSR, signed a treaty
that set aside Antarctica as a scientific preserve, which would
be free from military activity.
1965 An airlift of refugees from Cuba to the United States began.
1969 The U.S. government held its first draft lottery since WWII.
1984 A remote-controlled Boeing 720 jetliner was deliberately
crashed into California's Mojave Desert to test an anti-flame
fuel additive. The test proved to be disappointing.
1986 U.S. President Ronald Reagan said he would welcome an
investigation of the Iran-Contra affair if it were recommended
by the Justice Department.
1987 Construction began on the Channel Tunnel between the
United Kingdom and France.
1987 NASA announced four companies had been given contracts to
help build a space station. The companies were Boeing Aerospace,
G. E.'s Astro-Space Division, McDonnell Douglas Aeronautics,
and Rocketdyne Division of Rockwell International.
1989 Dissidents in the Philippine military launched an unsuccessful
coup against Corazon Aquino's government.
1989 East Germany's Parliament abolished the Communist Party's
constitutional guarantee of supremacy.
1990 British and French workers digging the Channel Tunnel finally
met under the English Channel.
1991 Ukrainians voted overwhelmingly for independence from the
Soviet Union.
1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin survived an impeachment
attempt by hard-liners at the opening of the Russian Congress.
1994 The U.S. Senate gave final congressional approval to the
124-nation General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade.
1998 Exxon announced that it was buying Mobil for $73.7 billion
creating the largest company in the world to date.
2013 Amazon.com CEO Jeff Bezos revealed "Amazon Prime Air" on
"60 Minutes." The services was planned to use unmanned aerial
vehicles to deliver packages to customers.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida man,who was arrested and didn't remember driving
SUV off showroom floor, through glass doors
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 30, in
1700 8,000 Swedish troops under King Charles XII defeated an
army of at least 50,000 Russians at the Battle of Narva. King
Charles XII died on this day.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
--- Jane Caminos
Some people like my advice so much that they
frame it upon the wall instead of using it.
--- Gordon R. Dickson
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Two die-hard golfers saw some kids fishing at the lake.
One said to the other,
"Look at those idiots fishing in the rain!"
______________________________________________________
Just after the maid had been fired, she took some steaks from
the fridge and threw them to Fido, the family dog with the words:
"Thanks, Fido. I never forget a friend. This was for doing the
dishes for me every day!"
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Noella for this picture:
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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______________________________________________________
>Reported by Wayne
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Vantice Beshears,
46,
Ocala,
Florida
Arrested man didn't remember driving SUV off
showroom floor, through glass doors
A man arrested Thursday told police he did not remember
going to Honda of Ocala and taking two large screen
television sets and putting them in a SUV on the showroom
floor, driving through double glass doors, driving into
another vehicle or abandoning the vehicle at the entrance
of a subdivision.
Vantice L. Beshears, 46, faces six charges, including grand
theft over $20,000 and commercial burglary. He remained at
the Marion County Jail on Friday, with his bond totaling
$23,500.
Early Thursday, Ocala Police Department Officer Ashley
Stinehour was told that a black 2014 Toyota 4-Runner had
been involved in a hit-and-run crash in the 2800 block of
Southeast 31st Street and had pulled into the Devonshire
subdivision.
Stinehour found the sport utility vehicle parked just
outside the subdivision’s front gate. The lights of the
vehicle were flashing as if someone was using a remote
to lock the doors. The officer saw Beshears walking on the
opposite side of the entrance and called out to him.
At first, Beshears ignored Stinehour, bur then walked over
to her. Beshears, who appeared intoxicated and had a bottle
of Aleve in his hand, told the officer he was visiting a
friend, but could not give a name or address, according to
an OPD report.
Stinehour, joined by other officers, discovered there were
warrants from Marion and Lake counties for Beshears' arrest
and he was taken into custody. He was first taken to a hospital
for an evaluation but became aggressive and was taken instead
to the jail.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: a few
Re: Link to Extra characters not working
Dear Webby,
When I tried that link, I got the response,
"that link is not valid."
Is there a different link available?
Dear
Yes, there is. Try
http://www.deeproot.co.uk/extrakeys.html
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence,
try ordering somebody else's dog around.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Coffee Maker for Soft Boiled Eggs
I use my coffee maker to cook egg. I put the egg
at the bottom, water and turn on. Since water does
not boils, eggs are kept softer. My coffee maker
takes about 15 to 20 minutes. You just have to
figure out how long it takes to get your eggs
the way you like.
By zelda [3]
You will probably have to use an old-fashioned
percolator type coffee maker with the coffee tower
pulled out.
If you use a camp fire or stove top percolator,
use plenty of water, bring the water with the eggs in it
to a rapid boil, and move it off the fire. The eggs
will cook themselves in about 5 minutes. Rinse in the
creek or lake, and peel immediately.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking
a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside
with the dome light on. There was a young man in the
driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady
in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate.
He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The young
man looked up, cranked the window down, and said,
"Yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.
"I'm reading a magazine."
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the
officer then asked, "And what is she doing?"
"She's knitting."
"And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man.
"I'm nineteen," he replied.
"And how old is she?" asked the officer.
The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about
twelve minutes she'll be eighteen."
___________________________________________________

funny baptisms

____________________________________________________
Jake and Paul are two old retired widowers who reside close to
each other and do constant welfare checks on each other.
One day, as he drinks his morning coffee, Paul opens the
morning paper and turns to the Obits page.
He gets the shock of his life when he sees his own obituary in the
column. He realizes that the query for info on him by the local
newspaper several months earlier was in preparation for this
event. He correctly surmises that it is a mistaken entry from their
database, premature and erroneous..
It still excites and rankles him, so he calls Jake up.
"Jake, are you up yet?"
Jake sleepily answers, "Yeah, but I'm only now starting my
coffee."
"Jake. open the newspaper to page 31."
The paper rustles for a few seconds, then a long silent pause
ensues. Finally, Jake comes on the line quietly and fearfully,
"So Paul, where are you calling me from right now?"
____________________________________________________
Where is THAT hospital ? I think I have a fever.
While making her rounds, the Head Nurse noticed a young
female patient missing. Pressing the intercom, she said
"Lori, where's the patient in 340?"
"Oh!" came the reply. "Well... she was complaining of
severe chills, so I put her in bed with Mr. Johnson in 328
who was running a high fever."
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
Thanks to James:
So this guy's blunder was in just waiting too long!
When they were kids he and his brother fought constantly.
Dad would come home and pictures were rearranged, coats
were hung in weird places around the room - to cover up
holes knocked into the walls.
They'd just gotten boxing gloves and were battling it out.
James knocked his brother into the closet, but he didn't
come back out. After about five minutes, James got worried
that maybe he'd really hurt his brother. He walked over to
the closet and slowly parted the clothes and out came a fist -
right into his mouth. And THAT's how he got that chipped
tooth.
True story
James
Noella
____________________________________________________

Whew! I'm so glad I don't have to drive any of these roads!

Today, November 30, in
1700 8,000 Swedish troops under King Charles XII defeated an
army of at least 50,000 Russians at the Battle of Narva. King
Charles XII died on this day.
1782 The United States and Britain signed preliminary peace
articles in Paris, ending the Revolutionary War.
1803 Spain completed the process of ceding Louisiana to France.
1838 Three days after the French occupation of Vera Cruz Mexico
declared war on France.
1853 During the Crimean War, the Russian fleet attacked and
destroyed the Turkish fleet at the battle of Sinope.
1858 John Landis Mason received a patent for the first pepper
shaker with a screw-on cap.
1875 A.J. Ehrichson patented the oat-crushing machine.
1897 Thomas Edison's own motion picture projector had its
first commercial exhibition.
1936 London's famed Crystal Palace was destroyed in a fire.
The structure had been constructed for the International
Exhibition of 1851.
1939 The Russo-Finnish War began when 20 divisions of Soviet
troops invaded Finland.
1949 Chinese Communists captured Chungking.
1954 In Sylacauga, AL, Elizabeth Hodges was injured when a
meteorite crashed through the roof of her house. The rock
weighed 8˝-pounds.
1956 CBS replayed the program "Douglas Edward and the News"
three hours after it was received on the West Coast. It was
the world's first broadcast via videotape.
1966 The former British colony of Barbados became independent.
1986 "Time" magazine published an interview with U.S. President
Reagan. In the article, Reagan described fired national security
staffer Oliver North as a "national hero."
1988 Kohlberg Kravis Roberts and Co. took over RJR Nabisco Inc.
with a bid of $24.53 billion.
1993 U.S. President Clinton signed into law the Brady Bill. The
bill required a five-day waiting period for handgun purchases
and background checks of prospective buyers.
1995 President Clinton became the first U.S. chief executive
to visit Northern Ireland.
1998 The Deutsche Bank AG announced that it would acquire Bankers
Trust Corp. for $10.1 billion creating the world's largest
financial institution.
2001 For the first time in it's history, McDonald's teamed up
with a retail partner on its Happy Meal promotions. Toys R Us
provided plush figures from it's Animal Alley.
2015 smiled.

The number of mammograms donated thanks to clicks has dropped quite noticeably
when these two ladies went away. So here they are back, working hard to get
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SiteA free click helps to donate mammograms to women who
can not afford one.

Tech Support Pits: Re: Not getting a subscription
... not getting my subscription newsletters, not just the Humor Letter, but
others too. I can't re-sub- scribe because I am still on the list....

Dear Friends, If you are on the list, then the subscriptions are sent out
TOWARDS you. If you don't see them, then either you or your ISP are blocking
them.

Complaining to me won't fix your or your ISP's spam block. Check your spam
control program and, if necessary, white-list the missing subscription or
declare it as friendly. If your spam control program is OK, contact your
ISP.

If you are using one of those address collectors that pretend to be email
verification programs, but ask for people to fill out all kinds of information,
forget it!
NO newsletter send program will even click on a verification link, never
mind filling out some silly junkmail order form. If you want a newsletter,
it is up to YOU, to make sure that you are not blocking it.

The Humor Letter is no exception, except that you can still read it here,
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even if you are blocking it in the mail.