It’s nice to hold you during the bad times; when all things seemed hopeless and falling apart. Especially during the best days of my life; when all seemed like going my way and I feel lucky enough. When we walk hand in hand as if we don’t care about anything in this world but us. When having you beside me is already enough to make my day bright.

But, my love, if we’re going to be ‘just friends’, please let me go. Even if I am willing to trade anything in this world just to be with you, it would hurt me a lot to be in that position where you feel so close yet too far to have.

If you’re going to hold my hand in public, yet tell everyone you’re not mine. If you’re going to send me sweet and thoughtful messages but refuse to respond to the times I need you the most. When you kiss me passionately in the morning and kiss another one at night. If you give me all these false hopes and then tell me we’re ‘just friends’, then please let me go.

Do not make me wonder what the future holds for us. Do not make me think that you will also be there at the end with me. Do not let my heart grow fonder only for you to leave it broken and shattered in the end because all we can ever be is “just friends.’ Do not ever mess with my feelings just because you are unsure of your own.

It doesn’t work like that.

It will NEVER work like that.

Do not put me in that position just because you don’t want to lose me. Do not put me in that position where “almost” is everything. It would kill me to tell everyone every day that we are nothing but friends because I don’t like to fool myself that I don’t want anything MORE than that. Friends don’t stare at each other like that. Friends don’t hold each other’s hands like that. Friends don’t kiss like that.

It’s like you are the Milky Way and I’m just a mere falling star. The more I fall, the more it gets impossible for me to land your way.

It’s like you’re trapping me inside this bubble and one wrong move will make me burst any moment.

It’s like letting me hold my fragile heart while you push me to the brink of my despair.

So if we’re going to be ‘just friends’, you need to let me go. I know my worth and I’m not worthy of only summer flings, but of a lasting relationship, and if that can’t be with you then please let me go and don’t waste my time anymore.

Living with a chronic illness like Hidradenitis Suppurativa alone can be bad for your mental health. You owe it to yourself to find a significant other who wants to be there for you through good times and bad.