Lots of people provided comment on this in chat and forums - thanks to Eta Carinae, dankaar, sirpudding, Proxymoron, Decibelle, Zyn, Jacob Conwell, Dora and Hercules Rockefeller. Hopefully you can each see a little of your feedback reflected in this draft.

Apologies to qntm (although at least I didn't steal that pun idea of yours).

I was actually very confused on my first readthrough because this seemed like a random mishmash of bad -J tropes, until I reread and realized I missed the part that explains that it's intentional.

Unfortunately, intentionally making the jokes bad doesn't make them not bad, and telling you that an anomaly is making the researchers talk like idiots doesn't make talking like an idiot funny. It opens the door to subversion, but doing bad things intentionally isn't subversion in itself.

Thanks very much for the feedback. Fair play if you didn't find it funny - that's clearly the correct standard by which -Js need to be judged. Anything below is not trying to change that (an impossible task) but merely to clarify my thinking in case of any residual confusion.

I will admit that the jokes are not intentionally bad. Some are intentionally lame, but I am intending to be funny (in various ways), so anything that fails that test is an indictment of my sense of humour :)

That said, I am intending at least some level of subversion of the tropes by providing an in-universe explanation for their existence, and by taking aim at mainlisters for my examples, and not (for the sake of argument) SCP-100000-J.

Unless there's something I'm missing

I'm not sure there is, necessarily. Although I would point to the J-list title as a nod to my overall aim here.

I didn't smile.
I didn't chuckle.
I didn't laugh.
I screamed. I howled so hard I cried.
Starting with 'Eucilele', so there is a technical possibility that the fit of the giggles just went on from there on their own impetus.
It is therefore quite possible that if/when I get to read this again later, especially if I skip the object class, I shall not laugh.
Solution: do not, repeat, DO NOT read it again. And DO NOT skip anything.
+1