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Monday, January 07, 2008

Listening to: 'Moving to New York' by The Wombats [The Wombats Proudly Present: A Guide to Love, Loss & Desperation]

I'm just back from New York. Spent Christmas and New Year with my cousin in New Jersey, with frequent (read: almost daily) trips to NYC, and weekends in DC and Woodstock. And before you ask - yes I went by myself, yes I did all the sightseeing by myself and NO, it's not a big deal. I'm amazed that so many people find it hard to believe that it's possible to visit a foreign country by oneself. Can I speak the language? Yes. Can I read signs? Yes. Do I have a map? Yes. So what's the problem? Who knows. But anyway, I *heart* NYC. The vibe I felt there was exhilarating. I can't explain it! There's an energy running through that place...it's amazing. I'd go back in the blink of an eye. I don't know if I could/would live there, but I'm definitely visiting again. Here's possibly my favourite out of the 500-odd photos I took (coincidentally of what is now my favourite building in the whole world) -

The Chrysler Building

Anyway that dream is over. Today was my first day back at work. Besides the fight against jetlag, the day wasn't too bad. I do wish I was back in NYC though, strolling along 42nd St, staring at all the amazing neon signs at Times Square. Or wandering through Central Park (which admittedly I didn't do enough of). Or chilling at the MoMA, trying to understand some of the more quirky exhibits. I have to confess, I'm a bit of a modern art fan now! I hope NYC is at the top of your 'places to visit' list - it should be.

But just as quickly as the dream ended, the nightmare has begun. The insecurities, the helplessness, the desperation...all have returned to make my life a living hell. Why am I so inadequate? I'm either too slow, or too thin, or too un-ladylike, or too ugly, or too boring...or too insecure (gee I wonder how that happened!). I'm fed up. Since when did everyone else become an expert on life? I wish they would try and sort out their own imperfect lives without poking their grubby noses into mine.

To take me away from the misery that has now taken hold, here's a picture of what I saw when I looked out of the window on the plane, en route to Newark Airport -