Tales of the Ex @ RomanceClass -Moral of the story: If it looks to good to be true,,,,,,,).

OK, Fresh out of an engagement I broke off with a younger man, I went back to my home state, put my life back together, got a better job than before I had left, and swore off men. Then a friend "fixed me up" with the best friend of the guy she was seeing. She passed my number to him and a couple weeks later, he called. We talked for 3 hours. 90% of our conversation was about our kids and about being parents. I (thought) I could tell so much about his personality by that phone call and instantly thought he was special and different from most men. Yes, I will admit, I even kinda fell for him without ever seeing him. I thought, "If this guy just doesn't look like an ogre, we are in business." After a "almost" first meeting, we finally did meet, and he was the most perfect man I had ever seen, in every way. He was stunningly gorgeous, charming (that should have been the red flag), witty, funny, charasmatic, and a perfect gentleman. The first meeting was actually unplanned and very brief, but we were in touch regularly after that and then had our first date. It was perfect, of course. I was coy, and he was a gentleman. We started texting and calling each other 3 or 4 times a day, with a late night call usually around 11:00. Somewhere in that time frame, I told him specifically that I was not in this for a casual relationship and if I was just "a lay" for him, that I was not interested and we should go no further. He appeared stunned that I would even presume such of him and spent most of our next date romancing me, (b.s.ing!) telling me how perfect my skin was, blah, blah, blah and was a perfect gentleman once again when I ended the date before anything physical happened. We continued the affectionate calls and texts, the relationship got physical, and then Christmas came. At that point I didn't expect a gift, but I had done a favor for someone in his family, so he gave me a gift of "gratitude" just after New Year's. We were really hot and heavy for a good 6 months. I should say this was a somewhat long distance relationship. Then Valentine's day came. I had bought him a book about his favorite college football team, a dress shirt, and a cutesy and not "too romantic" card. We made plans to see each other the weekend just before Valentine's day, and I really did not have "great expectations" as far as a gift. I drove the 3 hours to see him and was expecting to stay as a guest in his home. When I got there, he had reserved a hotel room and made excuses about his house being a mess. (He had already stayed at my house overnight.) The little red flag was going up, but I thought I would give him the benefit of the doubt. (No, he's not married. I had met his adult daughter, as his date, and spoken to his mother briefly on the phone.) The night came and went, with no mention at all of Valentine's, and by the time I had to leave the next day I was visibly shaken that the man I had been seeing for the past (almost - give or take) 8 months, did not even wish me a Happy Valentine's day, let alone give me a gift. I had his gifts in the trunk of my car and left them there. I cried half the way home and then told him we needed to talk that night during our "bedtime call". He called me around 11:00 and I asked him if he considered me his "girlfriend". He went into this long thing about labels, and not (and I QUOTE) "not defining (himself)in a relationship", but at the same time making it clear that he wanted me and was willing to give me the little tokens (not gifts but small acts) of affection that I needed to continue. This was a 2 hour conversation, and we seemed to smooth things out. His birthday was a few weeks later, and since we had sort of "made up", I (like an idiot) wanted to buy him a birthday gift (with the other still in my trunk!), and so I did. It was a jacket and another book, no biggie, but still. Well, I didn't spend his birthday with him, the calls got less frequent, and suddenly he had a family conflict that prevented him from coming over to see me, a continuing family conflict. Then my birthday, a major birthday, was in about 3 weeks. So, I asked him if he planned on spending my birthday with him. He told me he would rearrange his schedule, if needed, so that he could spend my birthday with me. I ended up driving the 3 hours again, to stay in a hotel, again and he had to leave around midnight because of the "family conflict". We met close to the hotel the next morning, did our usual breakfast, talk, coffe, talk, kiss goodbye, etc. Mind you, this was my birthday weekend with him. I got dinner and a night sleeping alone. No gift, no card. He did say, "Happy Birthday". (Aren't I special?) I was near the end of my rope. I went home and resolved to be totally aloof to the whole situation. The calls got less frequent (about once a week at this point), and I knew he was done with me. Here's where I am now. I am ready in my head to make him my ex (It's been a year ago that we met.), and I'm sure I am an ex something, although certainly not his "girlfriend", in his mind. This is the kicker, I asked if he could meet me for lunch, so I could just end it, and he was just too busy. So, I have not initiated any contact at all in about 3 weeks. Just when I'm ready to end it, he sends me a text, like we are just super great, and I should not care at all that he hasn't called in 2 weeks. The thing that really ticked me off is that the weekend after my birthday, he had no "family conflict" and was going out with the gang after midnight. I have looked back on it and realized I was used, and no it's not officially over, but I am letting him paint himself into that corner. I think I will let him come here, get us a hotel room, and leave him sleeping alone. What's bad is, I love him, but he does not deserve me, and it's over. So I don't need to officially end it. I don't owe him anything. I can just say he is my ex, and then it is so. (Moral of the story: If it looks to good to be true,,,,,,,).

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