I know you feel like your heart has been shattered into a million pieces. The one person who knows you better than you know yourself—your secret keeper and storm watcher, your better half and best friend—is the one who broke your heart.

They were the only one required to stay; to stand by you through whatever life may throw at you and now they’re gone. They are usually the one to help you through this kind of situation and now you feel like you’re alone in a world you swore was always going to be conquered with them by your side.

I know words mean so little when wounds are so fresh, and apologies only hold value when the voice behind it holds sorrow. But if I could offer a lesson learned through disaster, this is what I’d say:

Eventually, you’ll have to release the hurt you’re holding tightly in your heart. Let it out and let it go like you would a bad dream. Find a way to erase the memories that bring tears to your pretty blue eyes.

Forget the conversations that were built upon a foundation of lies and then go for a walk. Pace along the beach and throw rocks like you’re throwing away your sadness. Cry. Cry hard and ugly and then stand up and dust yourself off. You have to paint over every thought that keeps you in the past and robs you of your happiness. Find a way to rebuild the walls of your heart and the bricks that hold your soul together. Call your mom and tell her you need a hug. Ask for help. Do anything and everything you can until you remember what it feels like to smile again. Hold your head high and pick your heart up off the ground—it may be bruised, but it’s still beating.

Eventually, you will discover that they didn’t steal your happiness when they took half of your heart. Your happiness isn’t held in the hands of those you give your secrets to; it manifests from the deepest parts of your soul and shows in your smile. No one can take it from you, even when it feels like they have. You will learn that sometimes heartache means having to start over when all you wanted to do was keep going. But I can promise you that what lies ahead is so much greater than what you’re leaving behind. Words mean so little when wounds are so fresh, but if I could offer a lesson learned through disaster, that is what it would be.