For the first time, I’m participating in the popular Saturday Spankings bloghop. For those of you who aren’t familiar, this is a blog hop that allows authors of spanking fiction to share a tiny snippet from one their books: eight sentences or fewer! It turns out, that’s a very small amount of space, but I hope I picked a nice, teasing preview for you.

Since The Sheriff’s Little Girl just came out yesterday, it seems like the perfect time to peek in on Peter and Julie. In this scene, Julie has gotten herself in trouble while messing around in the kitchen:

“Can’t I have my panties on at first like last time you punished me?”

Peter gave her a firm smack on her now bare bottom.

“Julie, you don’t get to tell me how I punish you. You don’t get to decide what rules are fair and which ones aren’t. The rules are in place to protect you, because you’re a little girl who needs to be taken care of. And if I say that you can’t climb on the kitchen counters, then you can’t climb on the kitchen counters. If I say you’re getting a bare bottom spanking, then you’re getting a bare bottom spanking. Is that clear to you, princess?”

Want to know more?

After twenty-four-year-old Julie catches her boyfriend selling drugs out of a rehab clinic and he threatens to hurt her if she tells anyone about it, the world suddenly seems like a much harsher, more dangerous place. When she shows up at Sheriff Peter Mitchell’s office and explains the danger she’s in, it doesn’t take him long to decide that she needs to come home with him so he can watch over her while his men set up a sting operation to catch the man who threatened her.

Peter is more than ready to protect Julie from anyone who might try to harm her, but he is far less ready for just how badly the lazy, spoiled girl is in need of a firm hand applied to her bare bottom. Yet when he takes matters into his own hands and gives her the first spanking of her life, he finds that he wants nothing more than to hold her in his lap and comfort her afterwards.

Nobody has ever made Julie feel secure and loved the way Peter does, and soon she’s calling him daddy as he dresses her, gives her baths, puts her to bed, and makes sure she’s not scared of the dark. Peter will not put up with naughtiness from his little girl, and when she misbehaves his punishments leave her bottom burning and her cheeks blushing red, yet when he takes her in his arms and shows her how a man should love a woman her sore backside is quickly forgotten. But the stress of the ongoing investigation isn’t quite so easy to forget. Can Julie learn to trust her daddy to keep her safe no matter what?

I’ve been working on a project since January: my second “full length” spanking novel. It was so exciting to share my first book, The Doctor’s Little Girl, with everyone. I was shocked and excited with how successful it was, making it’s way into the top ten best sellers in the BDSM Erotica category on Amazon. I started working on this book shortly after that one was released. It got put on the back burner for a while so I could write Daddy’s Little Angela, my contribution to the Little Haven Collection.

As usual, it’s an ageplay story. I’m really proud of this one: it’s a mixture of sweet, care-taking ageplay, sexual scenes, stern punishments and the excitement and drama of real danger. Here’s what it’s about:

After twenty-four-year-old Julie catches her boyfriend selling drugs out of a rehab clinic and he threatens to hurt her if she tells anyone about it, the world suddenly seems like a much harsher, more dangerous place. When she shows up at Sheriff Peter Mitchell’s office and explains the danger she’s in, it doesn’t take him long to decide that she needs to come home with him so he can watch over her while his men set up a sting operation to catch the man who threatened her.

Peter is more than ready to protect Julie from anyone who might try to harm her, but he is far less ready for just how badly the lazy, spoiled girl is in need of a firm hand applied to her bare bottom. Yet when he takes matters into his own hands and gives her the first spanking of her life, he finds that he wants nothing more than to hold her in his lap and comfort her afterwards.

Nobody has ever made Julie feel secure and loved the way Peter does, and soon she’s calling him daddy as he dresses her, gives her baths, puts her to bed, and makes sure she’s not scared of the dark. Peter will not put up with naughtiness from his little girl, and when she misbehaves his punishments leave her bottom burning and her cheeks blushing red, yet when he takes her in his arms and shows her how a man should love a woman her sore backside is quickly forgotten. But the stress of the ongoing investigation isn’t quite so easy to forget. Can Julie learn to trust her daddy to keep her safe no matter what?

Want to know a little more? Here’s a peek inside:

Julie tried to catch her breath and regain a little composure for a moment, when she felt his hands on her waistband.

“Oh, no, daddy!” she wailed.

“Oh, yes, kitten. Naughty little girls get bare bottom spankings. And you were a very naughty little girl, weren’t you?”

Julie crinkled her nose. “Yes, daddy,” she admitted.

“You should have known better, isn’t that right?”

She sighed. “Yes, but…”

“No buts,” her stern daddy told her. “No arguing.”

With that, he yanked her pajamas down to her knees. She wasn’t wearing any panties underneath them, and she felt so exposed. It was worse than having her skirt flipped up. One moment, the protecting material had been there, making the spanking hurt less and protecting her modesty. Now, it was gone. Julie wasn’t sure why she was still worried about that, but she was. In this context, it embarrassed her to know that he could see her bare bottom, and probably her little pussy from behind, especially when she wiggled.

Peter landed another smack on Julie’s upturned bottom and this time she let out a much louder yelp. It was undeniable that a bare bottom spanking hurt more. Each hard spank stung and bit, and she found herself unable to lie still.

When Peter leaned her forward to punish the undersides of her bottom, Julie started to kick her feet. It was the most tender area, and each smack there created a bright white heat that radiated throughout her body.

I’m so excited to share this book with you. I hope you’ll give it a read, and if you do, be sure to leave a review for me on Amazon.

Well, I’m back.
I’m just going to keep talking about what I’ve been talking about here, and pretend like the entire summer hasn’t passed us by. I’ve been very busy recently, but I’ve missed blogging and missed you guys.

So, we were on the second day of TASSP, right?

The second day of TASSP started off with me getting ready to go be a demo bottom for Princess Kelley’s presentation on the different types of spanking. Due to the fact that we both enjoy nudity, I was going to do the sensual spanking part of the demo.

To be honest, I still feel a little zing of excitement when it’s time to disrobe in a room full of people. And there were quite a few people there, all sitting in rows of chairs, waiting to see me get spanked. Some of them were my friends, but others were people I didn’t know or recognize. I really thought about what I was about to do, and how lucky I was that I had the confidence and body positivity to just do this. Like I often do, I imagined telling my younger self about what my day had been like, and thought about how shocked I would have been. I smiled to myself as I slipped my dress off, standing in front of the crowd in just my panties.

Before long, I found myself over Kelley’s lap as she slid those panties down:

And she began to demonstrate a variety of types of spanking. All of them were sensual, and therefore very enjoyable. She spanked me, flogged me, used a riding crop, and did sensual caning:

It was a fun time, and I was reminded of how much I enjoy being spanked by Kelley. Yum.
That day also included one of my favorite events that I’ve ever been to at a spanking party: a giant and well organized school roleplay. I love school roleplays, and those that have a real class sized amount of girls involved are some of my all time favorites. So, I was excited as can be about this. We’d be getting schedules, breaking up into classes and then heading to different rooms to learn different subjects.

I was happy that all the girls from my “girl chat” which had originated after the last party were at TASSP, and I had been pretty forceful about making sure that they were signed up for the school girl event. One of the perks of being a spanking site producer is that I have access to an awful lot of spanking specific wardrobe, so I decided that it would be great to get our group together in matching school uniform. In order to outfit five girls, it made sense to go with a basic color scheme, so that I’d have enough of everything. I decided on white shirts, blue skirts or jumpers (pinafores, for those of you across the pond), blue cross ties and white socks.

So, on the morning of the school roleplay, I met up with Piper, OTKDesire, Elizabella and Zoey so that we could get changed into our outfits. It took a few minutes to try on various clothing options and see what fit everyone best, but we wound up looking super cute, and totally on point as a group of school girls.

We ran into our friends Tattoo Fairy, Princess Flyer and Candy before we headed down to class:

Tattoo Fairy, OTK Desire, Me, Princess Flyer, Piper, Zoey, Elizabella, Candy. I over censored, since I wasn’t 100 percent sure on if some people were okay with having their faces shown,

First, we had assembly, where we were scolded about the rules of the school and informed that we would need to listen to all the teachers and hall monitors by Principal Lectr, who is very high on the list of principals with whom I have an inappropriate relationship. 😉 We got in trouble for having snuck in candy.

Zoey, me and Piper at school!

Then, it was off to our first class, which was drama. I was very much in character as a school girl. I’m not *always* the same when I roleplay, obviously, but my go-to school girl character plays up a few of the personality traits that I normally try to subdue. I’m a know it all, a huge suck up and a tattle tail. I’m also very focused on the academic side of school, and a huge failure at most extra curricular activities (I mean, that one is kinda just true).

So, when we had to get into characters and act things out in class, I really should have been good at that. In the real world, doing improv is literally my job. That’s what I do when I’m in videos and sessions. That’s what good roleplaying is.

But, because this required an Inception like roleplay within a roleplay, I found myself stuttering and unable to come up with anything. I was too deeply into my headspace. Fortunately, I was with Zoey, who is equally a good girl to me (alright, fine, possible more so). The two of us were just shy and quiet together for the rest of class.

The next class was art, during which we were asked to start drawing a picture of “the male figure.” Now, I’m really bad at drawing anything except for cats. So, I decided to draw a male cat. The teacher had been non specific as to what species the male figure had to be, after all!

It got a little bit more complicated when our teacher’s aid, Mr. Whooperine, was called upon to give us a little bit more of a demonstration of the male figure… in real life. Gosh, he has a nice body. ^_^

My enjoyment of this was cut short, though, because the hall monitor appeared and called out my name: I was being sent to the principal’s office. I let it feel real. I let myself feel my heart pounding in my chest. I let myself get worried about what was going to happen and wondering why I could be in trouble.

There were four (I think) different administrators that girls could be sent to, but I found myself in Principal Lectr’s office.

“Young lady, you were registered for class twice, according to my attendance sheet,” he scolded me.

I bit my lip a little. That didn’t sound like too serious of an offense. I was almost disappointed.

It was true, though, that I had my name on the official attendance list twice. It had been Joe’s mistake (that is to say, Principal Lectr’s) and I had pointed it out to him, but he hadn’t fixed it. When I remembered that, I started to like where this was going.

“But sir,” I began, “it isn’t my fault that my name appeared on the list twice! You put it there by mistake, and I was trying to correct you.”

“Are you saying that it’s my fault? Are you failing to take responsibility for your actions?” he asked. The unfairness was making me squirm in the most delightful way.

“Sir, I really didn’t do anything wrong. You’re the one who made a mistake,” I insisted.

“That’s it,” he said sternly, rising from his seat and picking up a mean wooden paddle with which I am well acquainted.

I felt my heart beating fast as he walked towards me with it. It was so unfair. I’m always so good at school, and now I was going to get punished.

“Over the desk,” he told me, tapping the paddle against his hand.

I gritted my teeth and did as I was told, bending over in a way which caused my blue jumper to lift up and expose my white cotton panties.

“Six swats,” he told me.

I held still as well as I could and waited.

Truth be told, it wasn’t a very hard swat. But my bottom was sore and I was in my headspace, so it felt like I was on fire. I let out a cry and wiggled.

The next swat was probably a little softer than the first, but it felt even worse. I struggled to keep my position, letting my back rise a little bit.

At the third stroke, I found myself thinking “Halfway done! I’m halfway finished!” As if it had at some point become a challenge for me to take six medium (at best) strength swats.

But the next three were a challenge. They made me whine and wriggle across the principal’s desk.

When he had finished, he stood me up and sent me directly back to class. I couldn’t help but rub my bottom a little as I was escorted to the room again to finish my lesson.

My teacher made me turn my drawing in to be graded, and I figured that I wasn’t going to get the best marks on my cat picture. We got the drawings back later, and I was pretty pleased with myself, though:

The final class of the day was Geography, which was taught by my friend, Pooka (who is the owner of one of my all time favorite dogs). We were practicing for a quiz by playing a game where we had two teams and had to answer questions from Trivial Pursuit’s geography section.

Our team did pretty well, although we got hung up on the question “What is the only US City to contain a royal palace?” I was thinking inside the box, and couldn’t think of anything that would fit that description. And I got frustrated when we got it wrong.

Shortly after everyone had put in their wrong answers, it dawned on me. Hawaii. There was probably a palace in Hawaii.

And I was right, too, except it didn’t count because it wasn’t my turn anymore. It counted for something less good that I phrased my outburst as “It’s in fuckin’ Honolulu, isn’t it?”

And so, for the second time that school day, I found myself having my uniform skirt lifted for punishment, this time, a brisk hand spanking on my panties. It was, of course, much worse since it was delivered in front of the class, and all my friends.

Fortunately, we won anyway, and got candy to boot.

I was honestly disappointed when the school day came to end. I could have done a full 8:00 AM – 3:00 PM school day with no problem… or even a week of that. But I know that’s not what everyone wants from a spanking party.

I remain forever behind on posting, but hey, at least I’m doing it. Look for more from me coming soon!

Mark your calendars! I’m excited to announce that on Tuesday, August 25th, I’ll be guest moderating the discussion on Sex Talk Tuesday. We’ll be talking about consensual non-consent and exploring our emotions on this edgier kind of play, as well as talking about negotiating this sort of intense scene and identifying and communicating limits.

What is Sex Talk Tuesday? It’s a weekly twitter chat where we discuss a topic relating to sexuality! The crowd that shows up is usually very kink friendly and sex positive, and I’ve enjoyed participating in a lot of interesting discussions there.

You have to use twitter to participate in the chat, so I highly recommend that you get an account if you don’t have one and would like to be involved. Plus, you can follow me (@spankingland) for updates about my life and lots of great spanking pictures, so that’s an added bonus. 😉

The chat starts at 3PM, EST. That’s noon for those of us on the West Coast. I’ll be posing a series of questions about the topic using the hashtag #sextalktuesday. Clicking on the tag will let you follow the whole conversation and see who is saying what, in real time. You can ask questions, add your opinions and share ideas on the topic.

Be sure to use the hashtag in each tweet, so that others can see your response. If you’re worried about flooding your timeline, you can just reply to each tweet and those will only be scene by those of your followers who also follow the original tweeter. If you *want* everyone to see what you have to say, add a period before the @ when you reply to someone else’s tweet to make it appear on all timelines.

I hope to see you all there and to have a productive conversation on the subject.

In case you don’t remember from my earlier posts when this was first released, here’s the plot:

After losing yet another job, twenty-year-old Molly Parker wonders whether failure and sadness are her lot in life. Her last hope lies in Dr. Andrew Harrington, the handsome physician who witnessed a courageous act of kindness on her part and then offered her a job. But Molly can’t help worrying that she’ll lose this job too, just like all the others…

From the moment he set eyes on her, Andrew knew there was something special about Molly—special enough for him to bring her halfway across the country and give her a job at his practice and a room in his home—but it soon becomes clear that she will be a handful. When it seems that her poor attitude at work will leave him no choice but to fire her, he makes a bold decision and gives Molly exactly what she needs: a long, hard, bare-bottom spanking.

Nobody has ever cared enough about Molly to correct her before, let alone take her in hand so completely, and soon enough she is cuddling in Andrew’s lap and calling him daddy. It will take more than one trip over Andrew’s knee to cure her bad habits, though, and discipline at a doctor’s office can leave a naughty little girl blushing bright red before her real punishment even begins. But can Andrew really give Molly what she has always longed for, or will he eventually give up on her like everyone else?

What people have had to say about it in the reviews section:

“This was a really great story. It had a great set of characters, the plot was very believable and held my attention, the sex and spanking scenes were smokin’ hot. I actually ended up reading this book in one sitting. I thought I’d just read one chapter before bed, one chapter turned in two, two turned in to three, until it was past midnight and I finished the story. (It was worth the extra yawns the next morning.)”

“This book goes above and beyond the call of duty, with a well-developed cast of characters and a plot that makes the eroticism feel organic and believable. Good stuff.”

“This was such an adorable story! I LOVED Molly. She had such spunk and personality that I could see myself being friends with her! This book took my attention and didn’t let it go. I read this book in a couple hours and I’m sad that it is over. I want to see more of Molly and her daddy… and speaking of daddy. This book has some AP in it, well a lot of AP in it but it isn’t extreme it isn’t dirty its beautiful and caring AP. It is sweet sexy and fun and I highly recommend it!”

And, of course, a quick excerpt:

“Show me where you keep your pajamas,” he instructed.

Molly silently pointed to one of the drawers in the bureau near the window. Andrew got up and opened the drawer. Things were stuffed into it instead of being folded, but Andrew knew that now was not the right time to call her out on that. Instead he sifted through the drawer until he found a pair of cute, girlish pajamas: pink polka-dotted shorts with lace trim and a white tank top. He set them on the bed and gestured for Molly to stand up. She did what he wanted her to, and Andrew stood her in front of him, taking a moment to look at her. He looked at her big eyes and her delicate, innocent features, then let his gaze move down to her body. She was absolutely adorable. There was just no denying this. Slowly and calmly, he began to unbutton the buttons on her blouse.

“What are you doing?” she asked. She didn’t sound worried, but simply curious, maybe intrigued by the proceedings.

“I’m getting my little girl ready for bed,” he told her. He finished undoing her buttons and then pulled her blouse off her shoulders, sliding it off her arms and then setting it aside. It revealed an off-white bra. It was simple and unpadded, more for modesty than anything else. Her perky breasts held themselves up, capturing Andrew’s attention through the soft cotton fabric. He reached behind Molly’s back and, with a practiced maneuver, unhooked her bra with one hand. Molly began to blush furiously. It was adorable to watch the redness bloom on her face, originating around her cheeks and spreading across her nose and ears. He smiled boldly, and gently brushed the tip of her nose with one finger.

He pulled the bra all the way off and set it with her shirt, then reached back and unzipped her skirt. The pencil skirts that Rebecca had picked out for Molly were professional, but because of the roundness of Molly’s backside, they clung to her, captivating Andrew’s eyes as she wandered around the office or house. Now that he had seen her bottom bare and red, the thought was never far from his mind. It took a little effort to wiggle the skirt over her butt, and Molly assisted him a little, swaying from side to side to encourage the fabric downwards.

Soon, Molly was standing before him only in her panties. Andrew gently rubbed her back for a second, feeling her smooth, milky skin. He looked at her panties. They were pale purple with white polka dots, and Molly looked sweet and innocent wearing them, but it was time for them to come off. He pulled them down and she instinctively stepped out of them. Her coyness and obedience, combined with her lithe, nude form, made his cock grow hard.

“Good girl,” he praised and Molly smiled slightly through her embarrassment. Andrew took a step back to enjoy the view, noticing that although it was warm in the room, Molly’s peachy nipples were rock hard. He was surprised to see that she didn’t try to cover herself with her hands. Instead, she kept them obediently at her sides, with only the flush on her face showing how much it embarrassed her to be stripped nude like this. “How does it feel to be naked in front of me?” Andrew asked.

Molly bit her lip, as if she was thinking of the right answer. “Vulnerable,” she finally said.

“Vulnerable,” Andrew repeated. “I like that answer. Are you embarrassed that I can see you?” he inquired.

Molly nodded.

“You’re mine to look at, little girl,” he told her. “I told you you were my little girl, and I meant it.”

Also on sale right now is a book from fellow Stormy Night Publications author, Meredith O’Reilly, who I got to know recently at the author’s retreat that we both attended in Dallas. If you like age play stories, you might want to check out Little Samantha’s Choice, also just $2.99 on Amazon.

After twenty-five-year-old Samantha Briggs leaves an initially minor sickness untreated, the illness worsens quickly and she ends up feverishly sleeping the weekend away. Her husband, Jackson, stays by her side and sees to all of her needs. But when she wakes up wearing a diaper and footie pajamas, she is furious. Jackson apologizes, but he does admit that he has always yearned to care for Samantha like a loving daddy.

Samantha is shaken by this revelation, but after some reading and some thinking, she agrees to try being Jackson’s little girl. She soon finds herself happily immersed in a land of games, dolls, bedtime stories, and her daddy’s loving care for her every need. She isn’t sure how she feels about wearing a diaper, and she definitely doesn’t like the spankings she gets when she’s naughty, but the peaceful surrender that comes with being her daddy’s little girl makes her feel as though every stressful part of her life has been erased.

Samantha and Jackson fall into a routine: she is an adult on the weekdays, and a little girl—and sometimes a baby—on the weekends. But when she slips up and embarrasses herself by behaving childishly during a stressful morning at work, she reconsiders their new relationship. Will she give up the lifestyle she’s grown to love so much, or can she come to accept that there is nothing wrong with choosing to be her daddy’s little girl?

Hopefully, these two can tide you guys over while I’m putting the finishing touches on my newest book, which will be coming out soon! I can’t wait to share it with you guys!

I’ve had an exhausting past few days, and there’s no rest in sight yet, but hopefully I’ll get some “free” time to catch you up on my summer adventures more soon. You know, hopefully before summer is over!

A quick (and insanely sentimental) post, because I’m worn out from a long day of shooting, but today is an important day!

Ten years ago today, I found myself upturned across a lap for the first time, receiving my first ever spanking. I was eighteen years old, and I’d been craving that moment for as long as I could remember. I’d been thinking about spanking since I was old enough to think real thoughts, and as I had grown older, it had become an obsession.

In my early teen years, I felt so much self loathing because of my kink. I truly believed that there was something wrong with me, and that I would never be able to be truly happy because I needed something that I didn’t believe was available to me.

Of course I had seen spanking sites and forums, although I’d never been brave enough to post there. So I knew that there was some sort of community, with events and meetups. But I was afraid to even say the word aloud, let alone to go to a place where this was happening right before my eyes. In order to get what I wanted so badly, I would have to admit to myself, and then to another person, what exactly that was. And that thought terrified me.

Of course, I also had to turn 18, too. That was another setback.

My life has always been full of duality. I have “mixed luck.” I’ve had dark and awful things happen to me, but I’ve also had times where something perfect just fell into place and changed my life forever.

Meeting my first top in a totally vanilla setting and finding out, by accident, that he also had a similar kink to me was one of those things. If I had been required to take initiative towards finding a spanking partner, I don’t know when I would have built up the courage to do so.

This isn’t the anniversary of my entry into the scene, though. For the first five years, I played privately and only with SF, my first Top. The other leap was too big for me to make yet. I started really slowly, but I eventually became brave enough to keep expanding my comfort zone. But if it wasn’t for this day ten years ago, when I finally made my fantasy a reality, if I hadn’t made that first step, none of this could have happened.

I know it’s hard to believe that I used to be so shy back then, but it’s true. My ability to put myself “out there” the way that I do comes from a lack of shame about who I am and what I am into. I used to believe that my kink was a failing on my part, a disorder, something to be ashamed of. Now, I feel none of that. Spanking is the thing which has given me the most happiness in my life, and which has opened up the most wonderful opportunities for me.

Being able to be myself in this regard has helped me to accept other parts of me and to be myself completely without a need to hold anything back. In a way, this is the anniversary of the first step in me finding my real identity, learning where I fit in and all in all, being okay.

I remember how nervous I felt once the possibility of getting my first spanking became real, too. There was a whole other rush of emotions. What if it wasn’t anything like what I had fantasized? What if I didn’t like it at all in real life? I sometimes thought that I’d be able to do this once and cross it off my bucket list and that I’d never need it again. I felt halfway worried that this wouldn’t be the case and halfway worried that it would. I think I was starting to realize that this was just part of who I am, maybe, based on that fear.

I sometimes wish I could talk to the girl I used to be before I found my way into this Spankingland. I’d tell her that everything was going to be okay. There’s nothing to worry about. There’s a whole kinky world out there, and it’s chock full of people who will love and support you. Through sharing your kink, you’ll get to meet people from different walks of live that you never would have connected with. Sure, there are going to be jerks and people who will truly hurt you out there, but you’re going to meet amazing people. You’ll make the best friends you’ve ever had.

Through this, you’re going to meet a man who loves you, cares for you and values you in ways that you never thought possible.

You’re going to travel all over the place and get to explore parts of the world previously only available to you in books. You’ve never even been on an airplane before, and you haven’t seen much of the world. But one day, you’re going to feel at home in more places than you can count.

Everywhere you go, you’ll know someone. Because you’re not the only one who feels like this. There are tons of people who share your thoughts, your fantasies, your fears. The things that made you feel so weird won’t seem so strange anymore one day. You’ll sit in a hotel suite with a group of friends one day and joke about the movies that you used to watch over and over again, waiting for a thirty second spanking scene, or the way your dictionary opened to “SP” page on it’s own due to frequent viewing.

And, despite the fact that the world you’re about to dive into isn’t perfect, it’s really good. And you’re going to be happy. You wrote a list of things you wanted from life in your tattered black leather diary. In the next ten years, you’ll get almost all of them, and this is a huge step towards a lot of the things you want.

You’re going to live the dreams you didn’t dare to dream, because you’ve learned to dream small, to destroy your desires and to settle for what you get.

This moment is a rubicon. It’s true, there’s no going back from here. But this isn’t something to be afraid of. It’s something to celebrate.

Yes, it’s going to hurt. And yes, you’re going to love it. And no, you’re never going to want to stop.

You don’t like yourself much, but one day you will. There’s nothing for you to be ashamed of.

My whirlwind of adventures began in the middle of June, when I flew to Dallas for the Texas All State Spanking Party.

TASSP is one of my favorite parties, so I was very much looking forward to it. Packing, however, was a most nerve racking experience. I had to pack everything for TASSP, almost a month in the UK in various weather conditions AND the Chicago Crimson Moon party. I also had various shoots and sessions throughout the course of that time for which I needed specific wardrobe and implements, AND I was vending at TASSP. It was made even more difficult by the fact that I’ve been increasing my fitness recently, so a lot of my clothes had gotten a bit too big, so everything had to be tried on before it could be packed.

I was kind of a mess in the time leading up to leaving. It was just so daunting: there was so much to prepare for. Fortunately, between Paul taking care of me long distance and some really helpful encouragement/limit setting from my FWB Dr Lectr, I got everything done that I needed to.

I bought a new suitcase and a new backpack for my journeys. I like backpacks a lot. I like anything that makes me feel like I’m going to school. To make it even more “me,” I added two keychains that I bought when I was in Japan and had been saving for the past five years, plus a smattering of buttons. This is a throwback to the backpack that I carried when I was really a high school student: the red “DORK” is the same one that sat in a similar position on my high school bag, although I had a far great quantity of buttons back then.

My cat is in the background, pouting about the fact that I was leaving.

I was also more organized than I’ve ever been before when it came to my travel documents. You might remember my rather traumatic entry to the United Kingdom the last time I visited, so I wanted to not repeat this. So, this time, I was prepared. I had all my boarding passes, a copy of my whole trip’s itinerary, all my hotel information for TASSP, a copy of my passport and print out copies of all my prescriptions all in a plastic file folder, very reminiscent of the one that I had made fun of Paul for having on our first shoot. I guess I’ve grown up a bit in the past couple of years, because instead of thinking it was nerdy, I felt pretty pleased with myself for being so spiffy.

So, I finally left Los Angeles, saying goodbye to Rafa and Z, and snuggling my cats until they were really ready for me to just leave them alone. My flight to Dallas was cramped and delayed, as is often the way, but I arrived safe and sound late on the Wednesday before TASSP.

James and Korey Johnson, two of the friends I’ve had in the scene for the longest, picked me up at the airport and brought me back to their house for the night. We sat down in their living room to talk. Mostly, when we’re together, we talk and laugh. I very rarely laugh as hard as I do when I’m with them, and as usual, we were cracking up about stuff so much that I had tears rolling down my face from laughing so hard.

Besides being two of my best friends, James and Korey are also the keepers of two of my favorite cats, so while we were talking, I was also cuddling with some of my best feline buddies.

He’s such a beauty queen.

And suddenly, it was six in the morning. Oops.

I had sessions the next day, and the hotel was on the other side of Dallas from where they live, so I only got to grab a couple of hours of sleep, a trend that would continue for a while.

I was probably grumpy when I got up and got ready, but staying up with them was so worth it. In the morning, they took me to the TASSP hotel, where I was greeted by Princess Kelley and a few other friends. I had to get settled and changed very quickly, as I had a lot of work to do that day, but I was very much looking forward to catching up with my friends.

Princess Kelley and I got to hang out a lot at TASSP

I also got to see my roommate, Tattoo Fairy, who is another one of my Southern California friends and a total sweetheart. Because my birthday was upcoming, she had brought me a present! I love Disneyland, and TF and have gone there together twice. The last time we were there I noted a series of collectables that were reproductions of the original souvenirs sold when Disneyland opened 60 years ago. They fit perfectly with the vintage side of my personal aesthetic. I had also mentioned wanting the Winnie the Pooh Disney Tsum Tsum. TF had listened to my chattering about things I wanted, and then surprised me with them. It was seriously too sweet.

I got to see a bunch of my other friends, too, and, of course, play!

I need to be better at taking more pictures of myself post spanking at events, seriously

I got to catch up with Dr. Lectr, Piper, JC, Zoey, Johnny, OTKdesire, Stonehand, Elizabella and her daddy, Cane Dreamer and Genevieve, Whooperine, Finneous and a bunch of other friends and I met Princess Flyer and Eye Candy for the first. I was originally not quite in the mood to play, but Piper convinced me that we needed to get spanked by Dr. Lectr together, and I wasn’t going to refuse.

She made the right choice on my behalf. I was feeling kind of stressed out from all the stimulus of getting to the party and some running around I had done earlier. Dr. Lectr started lightly and sensually, building up intensity as the heat built in my bottom. He started with hand spanking but moved on to strap us as well. At first I was hesitant about the strapping, my body tensing to resist each rhythmic swat of the thick leather. But before long, I melted into it, giving myself over to the feeling of impact and letting it shudder through my body.

As I let go of my tensions, I found that my stress dissipated with them, and I floated off to a happy place, filled with endorphins. Each stroke of the strap became more pleasurable instead of more painful, and I gripped Piper’s hand tightly. Although I was, near the end, a bit out of the real world, it was still a wonderful bonding experience. I’m so glad that Piper and I have gotten closer as friends in the past year. I’m so happy to have her as part of my scene family.

The theme of the night in Dr Lectr’s suite was TTYL. This is a theme that he invented a few years. Instead of standing for “talk to you later,” in this context it means “tights, thongs, yoga pants and leggings.” I recently bought jodhpurs, and I’ve been enjoying wearing them whenever I get a chance. A while ago, Kelley and I had come to the conclusion that jodhpurs actually are leggings, so I decided to wear this for TTYL. Besides, I was a bit sorer than I would have planned to be on a Thursday after some of my play sessions, and getting spanked on a particularly sore bottom through one layer of clothing gives a little protection, but also a very nice feeling. The slight numbing that the leggings provide reminds me of how I feel when I start to float into subspace, and I think it has a placebo effect and makes me get more endorphins more quickly. After some enjoyable jodhpur spankings, Kelley texted me to find her and we decided to check out what was going on in the other suites.

This picture is actually from Lone Star the month before, but I didn’t get a picture of my jodhpurs that night and I didn’t want to be a total riding pants tease

Kelley and I went to wander and we found a suite where some spanking games were being played. They were in the midst of a serious game of Spanking Jenga. The rules were simple: only the bottoms actually played Jenga, some pieces were marked with a number of swats, and you received that many swats if that was the piece that you picked. Of course, serious spankings were in store for whoever let the tower tumble.

Kelley and I jumped in to play. I took this game very seriously, and did not want to knock over the tower, as seen by my facial expression in this photo:

I didn’t knock it over, thank goodness!

As the night wore on, I returned to Dr. Lectr’s room to hang out, where I got more spankings (surprise!) and joked around with friends. But eventually, I got tired, and it was time to change into my pajamas.

In case you weren’t sure, these Lion King PJ’s are cute AF.

I don’t remember what time I turned in, but I know I was pretty exhausted by the time I did. And of course, the next day was going to be chock full of adventures, so I snuggled up to my bear and owl and tried to get some zzzzzz’s.

Note: I went to start writing about my recent adventures and found that this post had been sitting as a nearly finished draft for a long time. I kept getting distracted from it! So, I’ve finished it. This post is slightly off topic and the latter half of it includes sexual themes and images of clothed female masturbation.

I’m not going to lie: I love wearing makeup. I don’t dislike the way that I look without it on. There’s something coy and girlish about my “working from home” look, which usually consists of me just dressed in a pair of panties and a t-shirt, working on my laptop. I don’t wear makeup when I’m not leaving the house or having someone over: I have a tendency to break out, and letting my skin “breathe” when I don’t need to be fancy helps that.

That said, I definitely prefer to wear a smattering of cosmetics. It’s a skill I’ve only recently really developed. I try to go for a natural look, but I do enjoy having doll like attributes, too. There’s nothing like being told that my skin looks like a porcelain doll, especially when just two years ago, despite my best efforts, I pretty much always looked ruddy and spotty in the face.

Still, I’m definitely not the type of girl who never leaves home without my makeup on. If I’m not in the mood for it, then I’m not in the mood for it. If I want to feel pretty and fancy, then it’s something fun to do that I can enjoy. It’s the same difference between picking out an outfit that makes me feel cute, or not caring if I look cute or not and just heading out in leggings and an oversized sweater. Both are perfectly legitimate options for me, depending on how I’m feeling that day. But there is one time when I feel like I’m *always* in the mood for makeup: when there’s a camera running.

Even in my early days of blogging and modeling, where I felt a lot more comfortable posting pictures where I wasn’t wearing any makeup and was highlighting my very bad skin (hey, at least acne made me look authentically adolescent, right?) on this site, I always did my best with my makeup when I was on camera. The fact that I wasn’t very good at it made me feeling less confident than I could have at times.

Once I learned how to do makeup a bit more, though, I started to feel more confident about the way that I looked in pictures and on video, and people seemed to respond better to my images, too. The fancier my makeup, the more confident I feel, too. While I once felt out of place and out of my element when I dressed up, I’ve started to revel in it, realizing that I didn’t have to act any differently just because I looked different.

(A handful of selfies from a day when a makeup artist did my look, and I felt particularly cute)

Unfortunately, in a certain way, somewhere along the way, I crossed a Rubicon in this department. The confidence that I gain when I primp and powder became dependent on these this preparation in order to show up. The days when I would take and post a selfie to showcase a point simply wearing whatever I happened to have on, with my blotchy, unmade-up face on plain display are long gone. I post the occasional unmade-up pre-bedtime photo, but it’s rare.

I don’t really understand it, because I don’t feel uncute without makeup. If I’m willing to walk around the mall like this, why am I not willing to put it on the internet? Somewhere along the line, perhaps around the time when I began doing more explicit videos, intimacy began to be assigned differently. My naked body became something that everyone has seen. But, at least for the past few years, my naked face is something that’s been reserved for people who have spent real life, casual time around me. It’s the face that Paul looks at when we wake up in the morning. It’s the face that greets Rafa when I wander into his apartment so we can cuddle on the couch and watch movies. It’s the face that my girlfriend runs a loving finger across while we soak in bath together. It’s the face that Erica and Spankcake see when I’m feeling frazzled and I need them: the kind of days when one of us silently moves across the table to pull the other into a hug.

Make up free wombat hugs!

Thinking about these kinds of moments, those tender, vulnerable, intimate moments, I realized that I usually do feel quite cute and pretty in those times. I feel clean and innocent, and yes, I feel sexy. Any kind of nudity can be enjoyable.

Thinking about this a while ago, I decided that I wanted to try doing a video without any makeup on. I wanted to try being nakedly myself on film, just to see how it felt. I decided that I wanted to film something in my most natural state.

~~~

Last fall, Paul and I went on our first road trip together. We drove from Los Angeles to Green River Utah, where we spent a night before heading to Denver. We stayed for a few days there while I worked and we visited with Amoni, and then we got back in the car and drove to Iowa, through the corn fields and plains of the area where I used to live. We spent two nights there, and I did a day long shoot with a local bondage producer. From there, we continued on to Chicago, where we then attended the October Crimson Moon Party. It was a blast, and I didn’t feel too tired from all of the travel yet.

On the way back, we drove straight through to Denver in one go, and by then, I was starting to feel a bit worn by the trip, but it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Being in a car with someone for that long is very vulnerable: there’s no hiding any aspect of yourself in those close quarters, and you have to be patient with one and other. Fortunately, there was no tension between us. The trip went by harmoniously.

We visited a wild animal sanctuary outside of Denver, then we had an early night at a hotel. The next morning, I was going to go shoot for Real Spankings and RSI again, so I needed my rest.

The shoot the next day was one of my favorites that I ever did with them, but it was definitely hard. It started off with strapping, followed by a caning, and then a hard school paddling. I got a break to be a background character in one of Jordan’s scenes, and then she had to go home. When it was time to do the last scene, Michael Masterson told me that we could do whatever I wanted to.

I’d had a long week and a half of adventuring. I had been spanked countless times, in multiple cities and states, including plenty of hard scenes. But there was something special about this last scene I was going to do: it was the final thing that I had planned. I didn’t have to hold anything back for later. This could be a final expenditure of energy for me.

So, I didn’t hold anything back. I went into the “implement room” and came back with a Vermont Country Store bath brush and I asked for a long, hard, OTK spanking with it, one that would push me. I’ve done a lot of hard scenes with Michael in the past, and I trust him both to bring me to a place I want to go and not to bring me too far from where I should be. We negotiated my safety signal (since this works better for me than a safeword) and the scene started.

It was super hard, and super fast: I struggled and wailed and cried out as Michael pinned my hand behind my back. It was everything I wanted it to be. I felt sore and exhausted when it was done, but happy and satisfied with myself.

When the shoot was over and I had finished fussing over the Real Spankings cats, I met up with Paul and we had to hit the road: we wanted to drive as far as Utah that night. I dropped a little bit at one point, but Paul boosted me back up, and seeing big horn sheep in the mountains made me stay alert. We drove until we reached Green River again, then checked into the same motel where we had stayed on the way there.

That night, I slept very soundly, although I must admit that I slept on my tummy. My bottom was still very sore to the touch, and I was exhausted.

I woke up the next morning still feeling sore, but as is often the case, feeling horny as well. It was a particular kind of horniness that I get sometimes, usually after I’ve been doing a lot of shoots: exhibitionist horniness. Paul was already up and dressed, so when he came back in from having been outside looking at the Utah landscape (something quite alien to anything you’ll see in the UK) I told him that I wanted to film a video.

Honestly, I think I decided that I wanted to do a no makeup video that morning because I was too lazy to really get put together, but still wanted to film. Besides, I felt cozy and contented. I had gone to sleep in my favorite old, soft t-shirt and pair of panties, without bothering to take off my tall socks from the day before. Paul set up the camera and I didn’t do anything more to get ready than run my fingers through my hair.

So, I started to masturbate, the way I would if there was no camera there, mixing fingering myself through my panties with some pillow humping. I felt a flush of invigoration, knowing that I was being observed in this natural state. I didn’t worry about being judged, or not looking the way that I “should.” I just existed, vulnerable and fine with that.

Later, I looked at the stills that we had taken after the video and it felt a little odd to see, now that I was out of that moment. I had pulled the gaudy, motel bedspread and the sheets out of place in my passion, and my bottom was a mixture of bruises, cane welts and lines from where I’d slept. My hair was a mess, and without makeup, my face really showed how flushed I become with arousal.

I wasn’t used to seeing myself look this way in an image online, instead of the mirror as I sleepily got ready for the day. I felt a bit shy to share this, but it also felt like something special. Like, despite the fact that I never undressed in the video, I was truly being naked on the internet again.

I’m not going to make a habit of doing this sort of thing, but it was a fun boundary to push. That’s not to say that I’ll never do it again. Want to see me at my most vulnerable? You can get the video here.

This is just to say that I’m still around. Things have been ultra-busy recently.

I flew from Los Angeles to Dallas and had a blast at TASSP.

From there, I flew to England, where I got to spend time with Paul, visit with friends and meet some great people. Plus, lots of adventures were had.

From there, we drove to Scotland, where I had many unforgettable adventures, and made some of my new favorite memories!

From there, we drove back down to England, where I spent a couple of days getting myself together before…

I flew back to the US, directly to Chicago, for the Chicago Crimson Moon Party!

Then, a few days ago, I flew back to Los Angeles. I arrived and promptly became super duper sick with a terrible summer cold. I haven’t been getting much done because I have almost no energy. I haven’t even unpacked yet. Mostly, I’ve been camped out in bed, from where I’m writing this mini-post.

In not very long at all, it’s back to the airport, too. I’m heading to Dallas again, for the Stormy Night Publications Author’s Conference.

Yesterday, despite being sick, I went to lunch with one of my very best friends, Erica Scott. She didn’t mind the fact that I was constantly sneezing in between bits of my stories. That’s a true friend.

Hopefully, soon I’ll start getting these stories up for you. Thanks for being patient with me.

My fourth TASSP is done, and it was a wonderful time. On the plane, as I was headed to England, I started to think about the past three years of my life in the National spanking scene, and all that has happened since I first arrived at TASSP in 2012.

I remember the overwhelming, full body anxiety I felt as I first showed up at the old TASSP hotel. What if no one liked me? What if I didn’t make friends? Could I really handle a whole weekend full of getting spanked? And play with people I didn’t know yet? Would it be weird to watch others playing? What would the activities be like?

I imagined that, realistically, I was probably going to have a pretty good time. I didn’t imagine that on that day, I was going to meet people who, upon seeing them three years later, I’d run down the hallway to tackle hug, or who would get tears in their eyes when it was time to go at the end of the weekend.

I guess what I mean to say is that I didn’t know when I first arrived at a National party that I was actually arriving at my home for the first time, that I had found a kind of acceptance and a feeling of belonging which had been lacking throughout my entire life.

I didn’t really feel it at that first party. I met people who I really liked, but in the couple of days that I was there and my shy nature back then, I didn’t get to know them that well. I think back on some of the people who I met for the first time there, and I can’t even imagine my life without knowing them. Some of them were people I spent a lot of time with at that party and never stopped wanting to spend a lot of time with. Others were people I only met in passing, but would spend more time with at other parties in the future and become fast friends.

Spanked at my first party ever

I met someone at my first TASSP with whom it would take years, literally up until last month, for our friendship to properly blossom due to miscommunications and someone negatively influencing our ability to get along. Now, we’re finally having the friendship we should have always had, and that’s an amazing feeling. Telling her that I’ll miss her and that I was so glad we got to spend time together this weekend as I left and both of us knowing that we really meant it, finally, was one of the most refreshing feelings.

I made a friend at that party who ended up doing a lot of really hurtful and destructive stuff to me, but the spanking world can’t always be perfect. I have met people who were just incredibly toxic through the scene, yes, but it’s important to remember that for everyone who has hurt me, I’ve met countless more who have enriched my life and made it wonderful, and those are the ones I want to focus on.

I was a very different person than I am now when I first showed up. I had no idea how much I would grow over the next few years. I was very new to modeling, and almost no one knew who I was. I didn’t really even participate in most of the events for models, although I did do several shoots at that party. I worried that I didn’t fit in with the other, more established models, including some of the people who I now think of as very good friends! In general, I was pretty awkward. I was kind of still in my post-grad years where I wasn’t sure of my identity yet, and I think that the way that I dressed and presented myself suggested that to whoever was looking. I had pretty bad skin still, and didn’t know what I was doing with my hair or makeup in the least. It took me a few more years to figure this stuff out: I’m feeling pretty good about it these days, finally.

I had never switched before, and still didn’t really understand the social parts of bottoming, either. Roleplay and play punishment were still brand new things to me, and I was straight up uncomfortable with the idea of bratting. Asking people to play? That was a little much for me! Saying no to someone who asked me? That also wasn’t happening. I didn’t go to The Dark Party my first year because the idea of possibly witnessing sexual play made me nervous. I don’t remember if there was a little’s party or not at my first TASSP, because if there was, I definitely avoided it. I had not yet embraced that side of myself in the least, and was working hard to repress it.

And now? Look at how I’ve grown! I felt so in my element this weekend, whether I was bottoming, Topping, roleplaying, age-playing, giving a presentation or running an event. Like many people, I had my moments where I got overwhelmed and emotional, but I had my friends there for me, and these problems were quickly straightened out so we could all get back to enjoying the weekend. It’s hard for me to believe that three years ago, I was as meek as I was.

I see these changes in many of the friends that I first met at my first party, too. Years in the scene have helped us to find ourselves, and the friendship and support we’ve found there have helped us to grow confident. We’ve slowly been shaking off the years of shame and repression that we felt when hiding our kinks, and when we could feel safe being ourselves, we’ve truly flourished. It’s a beautiful thing to see.

With Princess Kelley and Christy Cutie at TASSP 2014

The scene itself has grown and developed, too. It’s a slow process, but things are growing more diverse and accepting. This party was probably the most diverse one I’ve ever attended. There was a lot of racial diversity, people of a good mix of (18+) ages, lots of both seasoned party goers and newbies, those who were local and those who came from far away, people who are spanko purists and those from the greater BDSM scene who share our love of smacking ass, lots of LGBTQ people. I hope this trend continues to grow. It makes me so sad to think that there are people who worry they won’t be accepted in the spanking scene because of another aspect of who they are.

Enjoying TASSP 2015!

Dates tend to mean a lot to me, so celebrating my third years of parties by partying hard with lots of amazing people was definitely great. I can’t wait to see what the next three years bring me. I’m so ready.

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Oh, Hai!

First and foremost, I’m a girl who loves being spanked. It’s at the very center of my being. I’m also a professional spanking model, which means I get to do what I love for my job. I’m twenty six years old, and currently located in Los Angeles when I’m not traveling around on my adventures. My vanilla interests include poetry, film history, academia, Pokemon, indie music, baby animals, baking and cooking, collecting vintage clothes and lots of cuddling.