.....this is the story of my life, the struggles and heartaches, the happiness and triumphs.....
( Life in General, Family , Work , Friends, Hobby )

Friday, November 28, 2008

THE LESSON I LEARNED.

As I recall the first time I step in the grounds of my new school. I’m not quite in favor of the idea of having a classmate of the opposite sex for the fact that I came from an exclusive school for girls. I feel so awkward about that. I did somehow have three weeks of adjustment to the new environment. Crowded campus, It’s like a melting pot of different kinds of individuals with different backgrounds and different attitudes. The atmosphere is quite more like a very busy street with people around it and teachers have different and unique strategies and styles in teaching more likely they are all M.A. graduates and some proceeded to Ph.D. and luckily they somehow succeeded with it. (Most of them are Doctor’s of Philosophy). Somehow even if I got shocked and got very depressed of the situation, Luckily I found friends, real friends. I cope with all the things I encountered. Those times I got rejected, those times that I failed in my subjects, those times I felt so alone and those times I felt the hatred within myself. After four years stay, I did it. I learned more about life; I learned how to cope with all the stressed, frustrations, failures, rejections and insults I have taken. The most significant thing I learned which I didn’t learned with an A+ grade is the lesson that teaches me to accept guys (Opposite sex), learned to appreciate and somehow love them in their brighter side. As far as I can remember there was a time I met somebody that changed my whole perspective about guys. I used to hate men, I used to cursed them, kill them by my looks (I stare at them) and never recognized them as somebody capable of becoming my friends. I failed to remember that my father and my brother are guys then I was wrong, I used to enjoy hating men until my best friend told me to give them a chance why not maybe men are not really that bad. Until I met this cute and lovable guy, that was way back 1997. I still can recall what happen that year its when the time I knew about the real stories of the past, it’s when the time I got a memorable date on valentines day and it’s the time when it made me realized that men are not really that bad. Yes, indeed, I still can picture it out and narrate in detailed what happened. I’m in-charge with the reservation and other important things in our cultural play. All my classmates are busy in practicing their parts and all of them have their own tasks including me. In that play we need rifles. The answer was that we have to borrow rifles from the ROTC office. It’s about 8:00 o’clock in the evening. I’m just watching all of the participants in the cultural play while they are practicing, suddenly my teacher gave me a task to go to the ROTC office to pass a letter, its like a permission letter to let the education department borrow some rifles. At first I was very hesitant to go inside the office especially that guys surrounded the office. I’m a little bit scared of getting inside, but I have no choice but to go inside and give the letter to the officer on duty. It was just a snap of a finger and a wink of an eye when suddenly a man approached us. (Actually I’m with my classmate) It was a very big smile and sparkling smiley eyes, which I ever saw in that day. It was the first time I saw somebody so sweet and gentle. To think that I don’t know him and that he is a total stranger to me. My heart beats fast, my body begun to sweat so hard and I’m out of words to say (speechless). Oh, no. I was thinking that is this a miracle or just a way for me to realize that not all guys are bad as what I always think. Then he began to say Hi! How are you? What can I do for you? (In Tagalog) I don’t usually speak in Tagalog because I’m not used to. As what I have said I’m totally tongue-tied. I can’t speak and my hands are getting colder. Without any words to say I directly gave the letter to him. He gave us instructions in what to do. After being done with our tasks then it’s about time to say goodbye. Jackie and I never made plans of saying goodbye but he did it to us. He said bye! Be back soon! Immediately after we went out of the office my heart floats with amazement and happiness. I don’t know why, it was a mystery I actually told my classmate that I wanted that guy to be my friend. After that incident my perspective in guys changed. I learned that not all guys are bad and they are not perfect that they are also people like me. Yes, like me who have feelings and capable of committing mistakes. As time pass me by I never thought our path would cross. I can’t believe it. I never expected it. Was it just a coincidence or was it just because of fate. I couldn’t figure it out. I just don’t have any clue as what is the real explanation of the whole thing. I might not find the real answers to the questions I asked but it won’t matter anymore. I admit that the feeling grows stronger everyday especially that slowly I got to know the real person behind that cute smile he had, that every single day we see each discovering what it is there hidden inside our hearts and that everyday I couldn’t help reminiscing the past. I always did bear in my mind that I could never love somebody in my entire life because of my motto that to be free is to be alone. If I really look into to those words it wouldn’t make any sense at all. Thinking of it is not right. We are here in this world to love and to loved. I might have wasted my life numbing myself and closing the doors to those who love me but I know it’s not too late to make up to all the mistakes I committed in the past. I’ve been very cruel to guys. That’s the fact that until now I’m still a member of the SISA-NBSB club(Single and Satisfied - No boyfriend since birth club). I could say that I only like people once in a blue moon. It is rare and unusual for me to like guys.The guy I like is the luckiest of all. Right now, I’m very much in love with him even if there is no chance for me to tell him how much I appreciate him as a person and even if he had no clue that I like him. I guess it would be better for me to keep my little secret to him. I just got to hold on to the feeling and seize the day. Savor the moments otherwise time will pass me by. Accepting that there could never be the two us. What is important is that he was able to change me and he was able to set me free from the narrow mindedness I had before. That even for once in my life I met somebody I admired the most that I will always cherished in my mind.