Hey, Willie! Is this the work of Incognito?

Monday

Nov 25, 2013 at 4:18 PM

Hey, Willie! Is this the work of Incognito?

HEY, WILLIE!I saw in the News-Journal that a dolphin washed ashore in Daytona Beach last week and had to be euthanized. Is Richie Incognito to blame?FREDHEY, FRED!Nice try. But there was no threatening voice mail, nor history of bullying. Officially, marine biologists are blaming a measles-like virus for an alarmingly large number of dolphin deaths on the east coast. And for whatever reason, I’m reminded of a joke.Did you hear about the dolphin who killed himself? He said he had no porpoise in life.HEY, WILLIE!Seemingly every week the NFL refs are involved in a disputed, game-changing call. Why do you think this is happening? Has the NFL over-complicated the rules to the point that even the officials are confused?DONHEY, DON!If you’ve ever been on the sideline and close to NFL action, you’d probably wonder how they’re ever able to make correct calls. War correspondents might have it easier. A particularly dangerous job is that of umpire — he’s the guy who stands back there with the linebackers and occasionally throws a flag for holding just to remind his cohorts that he’s still alive. I’d have to be extremely hungry and broke before accepting that job, and then only if allowed to officiate from the Pope-mobile. But to answer your question . . . wait, what was your question? Oh, yes, like a government bureaucracy, sports leagues amend the rules often, but unlike a bureaucracy, not necessarily to justify their existence. Changes in game-day rules are usually dictated by advances in technology, the evolution of physical ability, and, of course, the American Association of Trial Lawyers.HEY, WILLIE!The latest interviews that I’ve heard with Tony Stewart have him sounding very introspective and sensitive. I hope the crash is not going to change him into a clone of Jimmie Johnson or Matt Kenseth.SUSANHEY, SUSAN!That’s Tony. He’s always been around. It’s the evil twin — “Anthony” — you’re missing. Tony, remember, idolizes A.J. Foyt, right down to the dual personalities: Soft-spoken, humble, gentle, doe-eyed . . . and just when you’re accustomed to that, he channels a Toronto city council meeting.HEY, WILLIE!Well, it would appear that NASCAR has dodged a bullet. Had one of the Toyota teams won the Sprint Cup, you would have seen a fall-off in fan attendance next year that would have made this year’s attendance look like a banner year.FRANK GHEY, FRANK!Still fighting the manufacturer wars, Frank? I tend to think that anyone who was offended by NASCAR’s welcoming of Toyota has already moved on. Imagine Kyle Busch as champ — in his Toyota! The entire sanctioning body might’ve folded, right?

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