Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Question of the Day: Do you feel your dates usually push for sex too soon after meeting?

Surprisingly, I tend to hear this complaint just as often from men as from women! Wellllllllll...okay, but some men are caring gentlemen out there that do gripe about this scenario! I guess you reach a certain age when you're past trying to go out and just "hook up" and you want to really get to know a person before becoming intimate. But let's face it, there are as many opinions and rules of thumb on this topic as there are sex positions!

I'm personally not a big believer in starting out a relationship in a sexual manner, because I think it really does get in the way of truly getting to know a person. It shifts the relationship to that of a sexual one and at that point the sex becomes the focus. If the relationship lasts long enough, you can get to the point where there is a balance between your sexual relationship and time spent together outside of the bedroom. However, you increase your odds of it becoming a lasting relationship when you take some time to learn about each other before becoming physical.

I certainly have had my share of dates where I end up feeling like a defensive back pushing the dude off of me so that I can come up for air and, uh, protect my end zone! I'll never forget the time when I was on a second date with a guy who literally pouted and got angry with me when I wouldn't relent to his advances. I was shocked and asked, "What is this? High school?" Later he called me admitting he felt foolish and came to his senses once his...er...senses adjusted. I reminded him that he wouldn't want for me to have sex with him out of obligation and that intimacy is so much better and more fulfilling when both parties are wanting it.

I have to say, that was a pivotal moment for not only him, but for myself. I realized that having sex under pressure has never led anywhere good in my past and that if someone isn't going to tolerate me being true to myself, then they don't really care about me as a person or getting to know me better. And that's a deal breaker!