I'm 16 years old, and like many high school girls, I baby sit to earn a little extra cash. It's a great job, I get paid to hang out with kids, and act like a cool older person. As anyone who's been a babysitter knows, one of the easier parts of the job is watching a parent okay'd movie with the kids. You don't have to do much, except maybe pop some popcorn. The downside is, a majority of these films are practically unwatchable. Here, for your enjoyment are my takes on these “movies”.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Before I start this post, I must admit that I don't know much about GI Joe. Most of my knowlege of the toyline/comics/cartoons comes from reading Chris's Invincible Super Blog, and listening to Roper's Red Eye To Miami. Going into GI Joe: Valor VS Venom, this is what I knew: Snake eyes is a mute ninja, Baroness is a hot evil Russian chick, Scarlett is the hot good American chick, and Cobra Commander usually wants to take over the world, or run for president. I mention all this so you can see how much more, if I had been a fan, I would have hated this film.

The movie took me on an 80 minute of the Uncanny Valley, a journey I wish I'd have never taken. The plot was inane, and the design, extremely ugly. The constant mentions of "taking parents away from kids", doing things "for the kids", and giving vauge medals to "the kids" was heavy handed pandering, that really did nothing for appeal. The voice acting was eh at best, with worse accents. The Baroness's russian accents wouldn't have fooled Natasha Fatale.

The thing that bugged me most about the film, is the utter nonsensical nature of the Joes. In the film, the "GI Joes" are a top secret orginization, that no one is supposed to know about. The group is so secret, one guy was suspicious of a little old lady when she knew about the group. Then the Joes make sure that both the operation and their part in it stay quiet, by talking loudly about their top secret plans and yelling "GO JOES" every five minutes. Later, when a guy arrives at their recently infultrated base, and claims he wants to help, they give him a job. This makes absolutely no sense. None.

I think I'm just about done with this film, needless to say I wouldn't recommend it. I guess I'll leave you with this image, which can give you a glimpse scary dead eyed, not quite right animation which will turn you off this film, or at least haunt you for a couple of days.