Monday, April 14, 2008

See this shirt here? A few weeks ago I got something like it. In black, but where the cleavage starts showing it had a little swatch of tasteful black lace that kept my cleavage somewhat under control. I know, it sounds tacky but really it was fine, and it was the perfect top because it offered gut and butt coverage, yet I still had a waist. And in basic black I could not go wrong for work or play.

Mornings are crazy and as I rushed the boys out the door I grabbed it out of the clean laundry pile and threw it on over khaki's with tasteful black flats. I didn't have time to check out the whole outfit, but it's a go-to shirt so no worries. I dug earrings and a necklace out of my purse on the ride to work and checked my hair and lipstick in the rear view. All was well.

Hours later I am sitting in a meeting. A meeting where I TALKED About WORK STUFF to other people. At WORK. With WORK PEOPLE. At some point the meeting finally ended and I ran to the ladies room, only to find that there were three big holes in my "tasteful" black lace inset. Three holes. Suddenly my "tasteful" lace inset, which was supposed to be covering my cleavage, had become a beacon of trashy in an otherwise white-bread outfit. Instead of cleavage camoflauge, I was unknowingly providing a frightening peep show. I was Amy Winehouse in a mini-van.

I don't know how the three holes got there, but I suspect it might have something to do with assorted cars that unnamed short people that I live with may or may not have thrown into the wash that I may or may not have recovered when they started clanging away in the dryer. We may never know.

In any event, I had some quick lace damage control to do. Since I am not a 17th century nun, I don't know how to repair lace. So I hit the ladies room with a pair of nail scissors, and whipped the shirt off and went to work carefully cutting the lace inset out and then sewing a few small stitches along the neckline to minimize tit exposure. Thank God for those little sewing kits they give you in hotels or I would have had to glue the shirt to my neck to avoid flashing my already spooked co-workers.

As I stepped out to survey the damage and pronounce it fit for work, I had to laugh at some of the dramas that have been played out in the ladies rooms of my life, including the Bloodbath, the Kilt Cover-up, and the current Kashi Go Lean Gas Blast of April 2008. I have cried, napped, hidden and laughed with co-workers in ladies rooms. Gossiped. Taken, and failed pregnancy tests. Given myself IVF injections. Done telephone interviews via cell phone. Hemmed pants. Changed bras, underwear and even whole outfits bought on lunch hours. I have counseled and been counseled by work friends on everything from boyfriends to husbands , to careers and lay-offs, to pregnancy and crying babies who wont sleep. It is my salon, my clinic, my refuge, my dressing room.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

So I have been in kind of funk for a few days and this morning it wasn't any better. Lots of little things bothering me, none of which I can really do anything about.

Anyway I decided that if I was going to get out of it I needed to DO something. I decided to try the old fake it until you make it and just pretend that I am happy until it sticks. And so far so good. I wrestled and chased with the kids, making them laugh and scream until we were hopelessly late this morning. I have smiled and chatted with everyone I made eye contact with today, let people cut in front of me in traffic and waved, bought coffee for a co-worker and sent a few emails to long distance friends just to say hi.

And I do feel better, I do. But the best thing about this day was something I saw when I ran out for coffee. Normally I HATE graffiti of any kind, but today I passed something that just cracked me up. Someone had painted "The P Crew" on a wall behind a drug store months ago. Sometime in the last few days, someone else came along and changed it to "The Poop Crew". Then as I continued along the lane behind this same store, I saw that they had also changed several street signs. One that previously said "Do Not Enter" now says "Do Not Poop" and another that said "Do Not Park Here" now says "Do Not Poop Here". I laughed all the way back to work.

I wonder if The Poop Crew is looking for new members? Can you imagine what the gang initiation would be?

Updated to add - WW Week Three Weigh In - 1 stinking pound. I was perfect and I even exercised. I am bummed.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Do you use Paypal? I used to, but then I forgot my password and since I had originally signed up with an old email address that had since gone extinct, I wasnt able to have them resend my password. So I tried creating a new account with my new email address and because I wanted to link it to the same bank account, they freaked. Treated me like I was trying to defraud paypal and bring down the entire US Financial system.

So I stopped buying stuff with Paypal. Which means I quit eBay. Nice for my spending habits, but not so nice for my Precious Moments collection. Kidding! I hate Precious Moments crap.

If I offended you, then please let me know and I will laugh at you apologize.

But lately I have been sort of missing eBay. What I can't find on craiglist, I could always find there. And I have some stuff I want to sell on eBay. But what to do without Paypal?

I will tell you what I did. There is a new money exchanger in town and it is called RevolutionMoneyExchange. I first heard about it on Money Saving Moms and then I googled it and found out that yes, they do indeed give you $25 just for signing up. So i ran over and signed up and Bam, I have a $25 credit in my account.

If you would like to sign up, you will also get $25 and I will get $10 for referring you. Click that fancy green button up on the right, under my boys heads. And then I can go back to ebay and buy you something nice for your Precious Moments collection.

Friday, April 4, 2008

It is April, therefore it is time for my annual "It's Yard Sale Season!" Pep Talk.

I am a sworn yard saler, and have become even more passionate about it since I realized it is my favorite way to be "Green". Granted, I live in an area where people have a lot of disposable income and get rid of great things at their yard sales. Its "easy being green" when you are buying great, nearly-new kids clothes for 50 cents piece, and like-new books and toys for 25 cents. I have bought brand new appliances (coffee grinders, blenders, crock pots, bread machines, even a $150 knife sharpener) that people just didn't want or need once they got them. One of the best sales I ever hit was that of a shiny brand new lesbian couple. Both woman giggled and held hands as they sold me all of their unopened or unused weddings gifts from their "previous lives". Hey, not that there is anything wrong with it.

So here, in no specific order, are my yard sale buyer and seller tips:

Buyers -

Get the Friday paper, and check craigslist for your area. Map out where you want to go. Neighborhood sales are the best because you can hit a lot of houses in one neighborhood.

When I go to a Neighborhood yard sale, I don't hit the first few houses in the neighborhood. I drive all the way to the back of the development and work my way back. Everyone hits the first few houses. Also, If you are looking for something specific - such as a ladder or a rocking chair, do a quick drive by of all of the houses in the development to see if anyone has one.

Get up early Saturday and be there when they start. I hate when people show up during the last hour of my garage sales and want to know where the bikes and kids clothes are. Hello???! I sold them at 8am when the sale started. There is no such thing as "having more in the stockroom" at a yard sale.

Be respectful of people's prices. If you think they are a bit steep, ask them if they would take less for something if you buy a lot. I will always give a discount to someone who is buying a lot.

Have small bills. I have had many garage sales where my first 8 customers all had 20's. Which is fine if they were all spending $15, but that's rarely the case.

Don't be afraid to ask your fellow shoppers where the other garage sales are. I find some of my best shopping tips word of mouth from my fellow bargain hunters.

Sellers -

Never had a Yard Sale? Don't be afraid! There isn't anything you can really do wrong other than over price. Ask a friend to do it with you to defray nerves and the cost of advertising. Give yourself a few weekends to gather and price your stuff in advance, and have a few card tables and boxes to display your stuff.

Adult clothing sells better when it is hung up on hangers. Kids clothes sell better in bins sorted by size and gender. I don't know why.

Dont overprice. People who come to yard sales are looking for a bargain, and you are looking to clear out some crap. It's win-win, but not if no one buys anything. If people keep picking things up and then not buying anything, ask them to make you an offer. You can always say no. If you are really uncomfortable about setting prices, hit a few local yard sales the weekend before and see what the market will bear.

As you put your stuff out, ask yourself what you really don't want to have to drag back in the house and be willing to negotiate on price. At my yard sales, I generally find that I am willing to part with about 75% of it at any price, and the other 25% I am firm on.

Don't take checks. Cash only. Real shoppers know this.

Don't be afraid of early birds. I find I make most of the money at my yard sales in the first hour and a half. Sometimes even before the "official" start time. People who show up before you even open the garage door are serious shoppers, they don't care if you don't have everything on display yet.

If you just want to get rid of a lot of stuff quickly, do what a friend of mine did and have a $5 bag sale. She had tons and tons of clothes and she gave everyone a paper grocery bag and charged $5 per bag. They could have as much as they could stuff in a bag for $5. She sold out every single time she did it. I have heard of people doing this in the final hour of their sale too, just to clear things out.

Have fun and feel like you are reducing someones carbon footprint at the same time.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

I just read Eat, Pray, Love. Right, I am just about 3 years behind the rest of you in my reading. Moving on.

I give it a B- overall, but I liked some parts of the book very much. One of the things I took away from it was the idea of putting an idea out there of something you want to happen. It reminds me of my sister's almost infallible rule that you can find a good parking spot anywhere if you just visualize it opening up for you. Having been in numerous situations with her where against all odds we got the perfect spot, I tend to lean in that general direction.

So these are things I am putting out there right now. Feel free to blow some good luck, parayers or karma dust in this general direction. If you leave your wants in the comments, I promise to visualize them for you when I am parallel parking in my great spot in front of the door.

I promise.

I want Christine and Bart to sell their house.

I want John to find a nice girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with.