robot

A family in Abilene, TX found a rattlesnake in their toilet. Just to be safe, they checked under the house and found 23 more! Oh Jesus on a hotplate, that gives me the woolies something fierce.

Remember that creepy four-legged robot that Boston Dynamics made a few years back? Well, now they've added wheels and more functionality. Check out the leaked video, in which the founder of the company calls the robot "nightmare-inducing." Yeah, no kidding.

Archaeology find of the year: 12,000-year-old remains of a man with huge prostate stones in the Sudan. We're talking about the size of a walnut, here!

Tell your friends to move here if they want to escape the dust mite scourge. The coasts are infested with them because they need humidity to survive. Ugh. I could've lived without seeing the microscopic images.

Holy shit! Some lunatic physicists have measured changes in an atom happening in "zeptoseconds," the newest, smallest measurement of time (which is 10 to the negative 21st power of a second). Goodnight, everybody!

So I've been telling people that when they develop super robot eyes with hyper-HD and x-ray vision, I'm gonna pop the old models out of my head and roll them into the gutter. Look at this intensely painful optical illusion and see if you don't agree with me. Ouch. My brain am equal hurt!

Speaking of robot sex; a clever study showed that people will still have emotional reactions to anthropomorphic robots, even if they don't look human. How it worked: A robot tells you to touch its hand, then touch its neck, then its buttocks. Guess what. Touching a strange plastic ass makes people just as uncomfortable as the real thing.

Apparently, FBI and DHS have been flying secret surveillance missions over ABQ since last fall, sometimes spending more than an hour circling areas of the city. At least one of these planes was outfitted with FLIR thermal detection and a type of augmented reality program that overlays street data on top of live video. AP blew the whistle just last year on surveillance planes being deployed all over the country through FBI shell corporations. Boy, do I feel safe and completely comfortable with this information. I hope everyone is reading this.

It's Velen-Times! Use this quiz to find out which of your sexual fantasies are shared by your mate. Don't worry. Only matching perversions show up in the results. Your secret "Bernie on a jet ski" dream will never get out.

In Atomic Gringo, you play a hard-drinking, hard-fighting robot stuck South of the Border. Battle hordes of angry attackers descending on your metallic, serape-draped form in this "rhythm fighting" game. What are you waiting for? Fight!

Do I really need to sell you on a game called Robot Unicorn Attack: Heavy Metal? Of course not. You guide a bitchin' robot unicorn through a heavy metal death maze, leaping over demons and smashing through walls of skulls. It's got the most awesome soundtrack ever in the history of God and Creation. Play it loud! Play it proud!