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Monday, November 7, 2011

WHATEVAH

I finally did it. Boiled Utah County down to one word--a feat I've been working on for the past two plus years since I moved here from Hawaii.

I got the idea from Eat, Pray, Love. Elizabeth Gilbert is sitting in an outdoor cafe in Rome with a guy named Giulio. He asks her how she likes the city, and she tells him she likes it fine, but she can tell she doesn't belong. When she explains why he says, "Maybe you and Rome just have different words."

According to Giulio, every city has a different word that defines it and identifies most of the people living there. Says he, "If you could read people's thoughts as they were passing you on the streets of any given place, you would discover that most of them are thinking the same thought." Whatever the majority thinks is the word of the city.

New York's word is ACHIEVE, Los Angeles is SUCCEED, Stockholm is CONFORM, and Naples is FIGHT.

Now cover your ears because Rome's word is SEX. Every person in Rome is thinking about sex, all day, every day (except at the Vatican where the word is POWER). This is why Gilbert doesn't feel comfortable there, because sex is not her word. If your own personal word does not match the word of the city, then you don't really belong there.

When Gilbert tries to define herself with one word, she realizes that our personal words shift and change as we shift and change.

I think she might be on to something. When I was a poor black child growing up in the ghettos of Provo, where we had to walk to school uphill, both ways, in the snow, my word was POWERLESS. I couldn't control my father's drug addiction or his endless battle with Hemophilia, or the fact that I got dropped off at school every day in a station wagon held together with duct tape. But then I went away and growed up and now I am back in Utah after 20 years with a different word. I would like to say that word is EMPOWERED, but life don't shake down that tidy. And anyway, my word is one step beyond EMPOWERED.

My word is WHATEVAH.

This is probably why I felt so at home in Hawaii. You might think everyone in Hawaii is walking around thinking ALOHA, but actually they're thinking WHATEVAH.

This is also probably why, although I love living in Utah, and I know this is the place, I don't feel like this is my place. Maybe because we have different words. The collective word for Utah County is IMPROVE. Everyone is walking around thinking IMPROVE, IMPROVE, IMPROVE, and not just their shining moments, if you get my drift.

Some of you might have thought the word would be STRESS since Utah got voted the most stressed state in the union last year. It makes sense if you think about it because it's stressful to constantly IMPROVE, especially when you are trying to IMPROVE faster than your neighbor. You try topping yourself every year, not to mention everybody else around you. In Utah last years good, better and best is this years gooder, betterer and bester.

If you think about it, the word STRESS is a natural by-product of the word IMPROVE. You get me?

And the people aren't the only ones thinking about improvement. Right now the word on the streets is UNDER-CONSTRUCTION, which is another natural by-product of IMPROVE. Nearly every street and freeway in Utah County is getting a face lift. It's like all of Utah County is a character in a Judy Blume book. The whole county is thinking, "We must, we must, we must increase our bust. And our trust. But not our lust. Or our dust. We must decrease our lust and our dust."

Once again, if you think about it, the desire to increase your bust and your trust, and decrease your lust and your dust is also a natural by-product of IMPROVE.

I have to admit that after hearing that church lady tell my former young woman that her voice wasn't appropriate for church I was tempted to change the collective word to CENSOR. Maybe everyone is walking around thinking CENSOR, CENSOR, CENSOR. If so, it's working. When that girl opened her mouth again, she was suddenly restrained and contained, as if she was trying to stay within the lines of her chalk body outline.

But then if you think about it, the word CENSOR is also a by-product of the word IMPROVE . .

Okay, so I grew up on the east coast and have only lived in Utah for brief educational periods of time. When ever people ask me how I liked it, my response is always that I really loved going to school in Utah, and I love visiting, but I'm not sure I'd want to live there full time. And I can never really explain why. Except I think maybe your post just did explain why. I don't know. Maybe since I don't live there it isn't fair to me to say, but I get a little stressed just thinking about it... It's much easier to live here in a small town where everyone is slower, easier and three years behind when it comes to fashion.

The people in Utah are nice and it is a safe place to live compared to other places. Your neighbors will "Love bomb" you with kindness and cookies until they realize you are not going to church with them and then they avoid you.

This the best thing you have written. And it is going to be hard for some of your neighbors to read. I grew up in Las Vegas, going to school in Utah was so hard, I felt so outside my realm. My children are going to school in Utah and are experiencing the same thing. Utah is beautiful, but it never spoke to me. I am so happy that you gave me words to understand. this will go viral...so many people feel exactly the same way.Her voice isn't appropriate? She is not appropriate!Thank you for putting some sense into my thinking!

I wonder what my word is. I think maybe it's PROVE. Which is weird because I thought I gave up trying to prove anything to anyone a long time ago. I had 2 members of our RS presidency in my home yesterday, at different times, and they both confided they felt judged and marginalized. I was shocked. I think it's the Utah legacy, that "deep bench" that says "hey, if you can't do this perfectly we've got 20 women right behind you who can." I envy Jenny and her beautiful mountain home and her tiny branch 2,000 miles and a universe of attitude differences away from the Mother Ship.

Oh my oh my oh my...I loved this postI have felt deeply alI these things "words" you said.The words that define usthe words that make us feel a Part OfI still don't feel like I belong here yet.Let's see...the word is "po-dunk" (tee,ee)"hee-haw"I am not sure what word I am looking forbut definitly MPROVE would be a hard oneand haveing lived un Uath for 28 years, it gets tiring feeling like you have to "fit into" that mold

Oh my, I have been away for a few days. I'm in Monterey! Woohooo. Donna I just added you as a Facebook friend. Girlfriend, you look nothing like the Queen of England. You're blond and bee-U-tiful. Was it a big controversy on FB? I do hate controversy. ;)

Wendy, hugs. Has it been a year? Oh this is a painful time, I'm sure of it. Ouchie, ouchie, ouchie! Big HuGE hugs. LY

I like the idea of being happy with screwed up. ha ha ha ha

My verifier says rocali. That's how we roll in Cali, I guess. Funny how my verifier always knows where in the world I am--both physically and mentally.