The 7 Words of Love Affairs

Falling in Love

Every dynamic process can be studied using the 7 Words System and we gain a better understanding of the process when we do this. Let’s look at ‘falling in love’ through this linguistic prism. We begin with the word No.​​Some types of people are not suitable for us, and we all have a sense of how to exclude them by category. Marital status, gender, age, spoken language and height are immediately obvious as the first things that keep people out of our ‘scope of possibilities’. We say No to such people without any need to find out much more about them.

Exercising Caution

We may also automatically keep clear of those who differ significantly in matters of economic status, religions, musical taste, which drugs are taken, philosophical standpoints, level of intelligence, attitude to children, body weight, race, place of residence and others.​Even if somebody is theoretically possible nonetheless we do not open up immediately, we are cautious at first even to engage in overmuch conversation.

Chatting Up

The second stage is called ‘Hello’. This is where we exchange words with the person and it stays on the mental level. There will be opinions, information, humour and trivial banter used as an accepted ritual. Each person can withdraw without offending the other; no explanations are required because no commitment has been made or implied. There may be casual friendship and shared activity that could last for minutes or months before the next stage is awakened.

The Heart is Awakened

'Thanks’ touches the heart. In time, social interest evolves into fondness – or some other expression of appreciation that involves feeling. We come to realise that we have developed a preference for one special person. They are no longer only an acceptable example of a type – we have feelings for this particular one. It may be noticeable that our gifts to them are no longer part of the normal ritual like flowers or cards but given with real feeling and of a more personally appropriate type.

First Kiss, First Night

In the 7 Words System, 'Goodbye' moments are not by any means the ending of things; they are game-changing events. These include the first kiss, first night, meeting their parents – and other irreversible moments that let you know, and announce, that things are getting more serious.

Sharing and Caring

‘Please’ is the energy of cooperation, collaboration and synergy. When a couple of people take on a joint project then they really have become a couple. This can be a shared adventure, sharing accommodation, having a baby or running a business together. The project binds them together more deeply and serves to help them overcome personality-issues and also keeps alive the interest and spark of excitement.

Sorry is the Hardest Word

The word ‘Sorry’ is said usually to soften the damage done by our insensitivity. If we care about a person then we will want to make amends if we do harm or hurt their feelings. It can be very difficult to swallow pride and admit errors – yet this one word is possibly the most important in the context of loving relationship. Being in close proximity to someone is certain to trigger difficult feelings from time to time. Saying Sorry helps make things right.

Saying Yes to Eachother

One little tip to make it all go well – if you have to say No, then say it clearly and let it be strongly reinforced by consistent behaviour. Yet otherwise, if you can say Yes, then say it.The word 'Yes' is what makes us all feel good. It shows permission, acceptance, agreement and surrender. When two people say Yes to each other frequently then life becomes very special.

In Summary

In practice, life is normally a repetition of cycles of No, Hello, Thanks, Goodbye, then back to No. But sometimes we can take it up a level and act in a positive, assertive way upon a willing partner (Please); then the magic begins. Please, Sorry and Yes represent higher-level interactions with people and tend to take things to the next dimension of involvement.​Although it is necessary to explain the 7 Words sequentially, they of course unfold in a rather haphazard way – and yet the sequence is valid, if a little less than perfectly ordered.