The Letters of H. P. Blavatsky to A. P. Sinnett

Theosophical University Press Online Edition

Letter No. 194

{Oct. 3}

Pray preserve this. M.

MY FATHER,

I was right in believing unhesitatingly in you, for it has come about as promised. The two chelas have been to Simla and one of them has given me your message and letter. I have made up my mind my Father and if I voluntarily transgress now (that is to say after the 3rd October '82) I shall indeed deserve punishment for my weakness, for of all sins, weakness of mind or purpose is most loathsome to me.

"Better to be a dupe than test your Master" — verily if necessary I shall even be a dupe.

I appreciate your very great forebearance and kindness in actually sending to me your Chela solely for my benefit. Think you I shall voluntarily transgress now after such proof of true love and charity and forebearance. No, Father, blind as I have been behold me now and in future — firm in my belief and unswerving in my conduct. Your punishment, great though it be to one ardently longing for the Great Knowledge, is yet another proof of your justice tempered with mercy. I murmur not, I am content to wait yet another year, have I not transgressed and that, too, knowingly? I deserve it and bow submissively to your punishment dealt out in justice, yet dealt out mercifully.

Savage do you call the appearance of Brother Kusbo, no, it seemed familiar to me. I was neither surprised nor startled at his appearance. Strange to say — yet it was the first time in this life at all events that I remember having seen such a costume and such manners — strange — but yet analyse my thoughts and feelings as I will, I cannot trace any surprise of novelty at the appearance.

I knew them too, the moment my eyes caught them long before they saw me, and I at once said — those are they — they are seeking me out. When they came I asked them to come into my house, but the orders they had received prevented this honour being done me. I therefore walked with them to a secluded path where in all kindness and expressions of affection and charity — it was explained to me that it was "better to be a dupe than test your Master."

I accept the conditions unhesitatingly and I shall now proceed with singleness of mind and purpose. Blot out, O Father, my conduct previous to the 3rd October and behold me now after that date not only your faithful, but also your believing and trusting chela,
E.

Select for me a nom de plume, my Father and my Master, and I shall adopt it for your sake.