Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Wednesday's as good a day as any for a crackdown.

Well, here we go again.

As of today, the NYPD has launched "Operation Safe Cycle," which is a cool policey way of saying:

CRACKDOWN, BABY!

Here's what they'll be going after:

The initiative will target the following hazardous violations that create a danger for pedestrians and bicyclists: failure to stop at a red light, disobey a traffic signal or sign, riding the wrong direction against traffic, riding on the sidewalk, and failure to yield to pedestrians in the crosswalk. An additional focus will be given to motorists who obstruct bicycle lanes, which creates a hazardous condition for bicyclists.
By the way, if you're wondering what "additional focus" on motorists who obstruct bike lanes means, it's a cool policey way of saying motorists will be encouraged to obstruct bike lanes.

Just to explain the joke for you out-of-towners, while the Brooklyn Bridge path ostensibly has a bicycle lane, it is always mobbed by tourists, making passage by bicycle nearly impossible. So now you get it.

But you know who didn't get it? The District Attorney. Because guess what?

The Bike Lobby Twitter was subpoenaed!

On Monday, Twitter alerted this account that it had received a subpoena from the office of the District Attorney of the County of New York.
— Bike Lobby (@BicycleLobby) August 8, 2014

Mr. Leinkauf added: “From our Berlin background, we were a little surprised that it got the reaction it did. We really didn’t intend to embarrass the police.”

Yeah, but they did, and everybody knows that when you embarrass the authorities in New York City, the first thing they do is punish someone on a bike.

But back to the matter at hand, which is the crackdown:

(Crack. Down. Crackdown.)

Sure it may be misguided, and sure some people will get tickets for stuff that's not even illegal, like cycling in flip-flops, but that doesn't mean you should want to get caught in it. Nevertheless, every time there's one of these crackdowns I watch legions of cyclists roll through red lights right in front of the police. It happens every damn time, usually around places like the Manhattan and Williamsburg bridges, and the riders are usually of the crooked-Bern-helment-and-brand-new-Linus variety--you know, the ones who look like they moved here last week from Oshkosh.

Furthermore, it's fairly easy to avoid getting ensnared, because generally the way the NYPD approaches these crackdowns (whether the crackdown is on cyclists, or jaywalkers, or drivers on cellphones) is that they pick various spots around town where there's lots of congestion and everybody's moving really slowly, and then they just hang out there in a very obvious way and then pick off the idiots one by one. Please note I said "generally," because yes, there are exceptions, and they will occasionally do stuff like leap out of an undercover police car disguised as a taxi and tackle your Oshkoshian ass to the street because you're guilty of some non-offense like cycling while operating a Thermos. Still, for the most part, the crackdown will mostly consist of a cop hanging out at an intersection in plain sight and then pointing at you after you ride through the light right in front of him, so don't be that idiot.

Apparently, one of the main concerns about introducing road dicks to pro cycling is that they may work their way off and decapitate the riders or something:

Safety is a genuine concern. Disc rotors are sharp, like spinning knives that have been heated in a 500-degree oven. They can easily slice flesh, and will burn on contact after a hard stop (“at least you’ll get cut and cauterized at the same time,” Brown joked).Riders are understandably concerned, as it is their flesh that is on the line. For Garmin’s Nathan Haas, safety is the only factor that really matters. “Do you know how hot a disc brake gets under braking? If you crashed on one with your face, your face is going to melt,” he said. “Keep it out of the sport. It doesn’t belong. Just don’t do it.”

After reading this, I've decided that I want the UCI to allow road dicks immediately--not because I want to see anybody hurt, far from it. No, what I want to see is the entire Tour de France peloton wearing full flame-retardant body suits with full-face helments. That way they'll all look like those Eurotrash twins in Daft Punk as they fly down those Alpine descents.

Furthermore, a wholesale adoption of dick breaks can only mean those old rim job components will get cheaper, which means deep discounts on stuff like high-end hubs with "obsolete" spacing and axle diameters for the rest of us who are mostly content to live in the recent past when it comes to cycling equipment--or who already consider what we have to be dick breaks:

Is it me, or is the assertion that flying dicks will decapitate a nuevo-Cipo or red-hot dicks will brand crashing riders a teensy bit far-fetched?

Also, won't you think about the tri-geeks? Can you imagine the transition zone from the biking to the running that occurs shortly after a long descent? The crashing and the branding and the decapitating.

Decree: All bike tri routes shall end within 100 yards of a minimum 5-mile ascent.

I don't ever want dick brakes on my fredly steed. Maybe...MAYBE my commuter at some point, since i go less than 15 miles and have at most 350 feet (US) of climbing. Also one would think that with dick breaks there would be plenty of room fenders (which I was SORELY missing yesterday as I got caught in a storm on my ride home - does that make it epic??). But who am I kidding...my commuter will probably always be an old bike that I picked up for <100 dollars (US) and has cantis. I've put together a few mountain bikes with dick brakes, and dammit if it isn't a pain in the ass to make adjustments on them (for someone who doesn't do it all to often). Like I would want to have to do that on the road...Robot says 6

Huh. You know how much I love a good dick, but suddenly the expression "That's so hot!" takes on a whole new meaning.So the two big fat dicks on my old Rocky Mountain Soul are okay, because I will never ever need to brake hard coming back down the mountain again? ??!?

Good thing I live in the Great White North. In all these years I've never yet noticed them even get warm.

I have disc brakes on my mountain bike. Work fine. I don't worry about them. If I could launch them intentionally with some directionality, like hot saucer carotid slicers that would be great. Are my road calipers easier to maintain. Likely.

As for Mister Williams. It is still a bummer. Apparently Robin Williams had over 60 bicycles. He referred to them as one of his therapies. Unfortunately one of his therapies that failed.

We all saw Robin in some of those high-wire, guided missile rants of his with genius and fireworks mixed in. Clearly many times we thought, wow, Robin has true mania and he channels through it comically. Very few could stay up with him in those times. His brain leapt between the gaps in space.

And what was it like to come off those? We all have lows, true depressions even, but the lows off of Robin’s highs must have been Alpine deep. Hard to imagine. It is a shame he could not make it through another one. Do we even have the right to ask for that? He must have waded through and out of some black on black we can’t even understand. So many times.

I am not one of those who depends on a ‘heaven’ for later on. So I don’t wish it for people. But anyway, stardust to stardust Robin. Welcome back.

I rolled through a stop light on my way to work this morning. I stopped, confirmed that no cars were coming, and proceeded on my way. I feel justified in doing this because I am an adult and I can make my own choices about my own safety.

Apparently no crackdown in Chicago, at least not last night. On my commute home, I stopped at a red light. On the opposite side of the intersection, 2 cops on bikes also stopped. A third guy rode up behind them, looked both ways, and ran the red right in front of them. They didn't care.

I'm ok with crackdowns if they actually are related to safe bicycle driving...

Violations like:Parking in Bike LaneFailure to yield (at a Stop, for example)(I think running a red is just stupid, but maybe your city's red lights are more stupid than mine).Riding with 2 earplugs in.Wrong way riding (a factor in 25% of the accidents around here. See: http://tims.berkeley.edu/tools/gismap/index.phpRiding without lights at night.Riding without a helmet (for youths here in CA).Motorists who don't signal and merge into the bike lane before turning right.

What do you think?

But lately we have had PD camped out at stop signs on major bike routes, looking for rolling stops. Useless, annoying, and expensive.

It gets old, being the target of everyone's animosity. Drivers hate us cause we slow them down and pedestrians hate us cause they have to look, too, instead of just listening for traffic. Half of them walk out on the road without even checking to see if I am there, and the other half don't believe that I am going to stop and stand there stupidly when I do.

Mr Raney - thank you for your thoughts, and yes, I agree. There are a fair few bi-polar faces on my family nutbar tree, and it's true: what goes up must come down.

I was the last person to see my dear cousin Merritt alive before she took her own life, and let me tell you: that particular loss is a shock that never completely goes away. Approximately 3800 Canadians took their own life last year, primarily middle aged men, and yet their stories remain largely untold.

If some gave you a genuine Campy scranus aligner, you should sell it on E-bay before he asks for it back. Those "collectibles" sell for crazy money. They were intended to allow replacement of post and/or saddle without loosing height, fore/aft, or angular adjustments... the nose-up/nose-down angle, not whether seat aligns with top tube. That, it doesn't do. Campy must have assumed mechanics of yore had at least one good eye.

Significantly, they are of no help for transferring position to a different bike, so of very limited utility.

I almost got taken out salmon style last night (not taken out for Salmon, which would be yummy). Some tool was riding towards me on a curvey, hilly part of a MUP - earphones in, appeared to be scrolling through play list on phone - one handed - looking down - bombing down the hill straight at me on my side of the MUP. He nearly crashed when I finally got his attention by shouting. His crack should be downed.

I lost a friend to suicide. She was my world at the time. She was 18, I was 19, it was my brother's 16th birthday. I can never forget the date thanks to that coincidence. It will be 14 years this year. I empathize with those who are truly depressed. I have been there, my friend was there when she ended her life. It is terrible. The biggest problem is that it clouds your mind into thinking no one is there for you, or nothing will ever be any good. In reality the "escape" of suicide merely passes the baton of pain to your friends and family. It is a terrible terrible tragedy to lose people who feel they have no other option. It is even harder for friends and family who watch the decline and the aftermath.

Crackdowns are bullshit. All it says is that they weren't doing their jobs before so know they're going to hyper-focus on key items to "rein in" the belligerents. Screw them.

I see it here in snobbie's hemorrhoids but not a whole lot. I have seen the one where a cop car is parked in the bike lane maybe 100 yards behind a truck parked in the bike lane. Neither vehicle was occupied so I don't know that the cop ever saw the truck.

i get salmoning all the time on the major roadways. never on the local streets that i can remember.

i take a look up the road to make sure there aren't any storm drains or other hazard and then steady my nerves and hang to the right. damned if i'm going to let a salmon force me in to 55-60 mph traffic. i think i've only had to brake once. i unclipped and stood there looking at the guy who eventually went around. presumably he though i was a real dik.

given my recent of experience of ripping the bike off the roof rack going in to the garage, the bike can probably withstand a head-on even if i don't come out as well. those co-motions must be built by ex-tank assemblers.

i remember we stopped every couple times coming off mckenzie pass on our x-country trip to cool down the rims. i made the mistake once of touching my rim to see if it was actually hot and burned my fingers. so how many TdF riders have been burned by 500 degree rims?

I like the dix breax on the MTB. Minimal leaf jammage. I still get one in between the fork brace and the tire every now and again and reach down there like an idiot. "Hmmmmmmmmmm is that on the safe or unsafe side for rolling removal? Can't remember....better grab it."

I have found that hitting middle age, and then exceeding it, making sure my saddle was on straight would be a waste of time. Because my scrotum is larger and more dangly than I ever thought would be possible, and certainly isn't as awesome as a young person would think, I have to sit my fat arse on the saddle a little to one side to accommodate my own self.

DB - we have a thrift shop in my little city that has plenty of multi colored seersucker sports jackets. I think it must be a southern thing/frat boy trend. Instead of tridorks having dickbreaks, why doesn't it become mandatory to put spear tips on the front of their aerobars? hilarity and gruesome deaths to ensue

Here in the heart of USA po lice like to show up to group ride and explain the rules of the road even though they are cops from a different state. I take their pics and ask all my questions in French then flip them off and run a stop sign to get them all hot and bothered, since they don't speak French they leave me alone cause their cognitive function is that of a rock. Down the middle folks.

I have several more months left here in Oshkosh. Then I am getting fuck out. A native of Oshkosh would indeed appear as depicted. After a lifetime on a Walmart BMX or Roadmaster BSO and never having ventured from the sidewalk now he is on a Linus - on the street (!) for the very first time. Of course he is going to be disoriented and confused.

Since I'm one of those people who needs all the help I can get, I wonder if other racers will get out of my way if I show up with dick brakes mounted on some old Spinergy Rev-X that I have sitting around. With those dick brakes mounted on those old Spinergys, the other guys might think that I'm sort of insane Mohel, and not leave me in the dust on the bell lap.

The crackdown started the last week of July. There is an officer at 1st Ave and 36th/37th (she cunningly moves) and one just south of Houston on Chrystie (by the Whole Foods). I, um, spoke with the one on 1st Ave and she said she is nabbing salmons as well, though I can't see how, as she's looking southward. The other day she had 4-5 riders at once. It is like shooting fish in a barrel.

JLRB, That must have been a wet ride home on Tuesday! The amount of silt on the roads was phenomenal yesterday a.m.

WIfe's original engagement and wedding trinkets lie at the bottom of the Caribbean. They have been replaced twice, to date, because losing them once was such trauma. I went Ti for 89 bucks when i replaced mine.

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!