Saturday, December 15, 2012

I've never heard silence quite this loud

You're so confused. You look over your texts and try to remember the last things you said to them. You cannot find anything wrong with what you said, but now they are avoiding you for no apparent reason. You've tried reaching out to them, but they are avoiding you like the plague. What have you done wrong?
Don't worry, you haven't made a huge unknowing social misstep. Actually,your friend's silence might not have anything to do with you at all. I found this to be true myself when my best male friend stopped speaking to me abruptly for five months. I couldn't figure out what I had done wrong. Finally, last week, he broke his silence. The relief was enormous, but his story was quite the learning experience for me.
He explained something had happened to him, and he was so angry at what had happened, he didn't talk to me because he was afraid his anger would overflow into his messages and would hurt my feelings. He'd rather confuse me than have his temporary anger end our friendship for good.
I took two things from this explanation. First, I had my best male friend back, and second, his silence had nothing to do with me. I had taken the wrong idea from his silence, that it was my fault, when it was because of me he was keeping quiet.
If something like this is happening to you, don't worry too much. This person may be trying to not hurt you, and this is how they show it. Just let them know, via text or in person, that you are there for them no matter what. That they matter to you and nothing will change that. Be patient, their reconciliation with you may not be instantaneous. It may take some time to respond to that caring, and their anger or frustration may not have abated yet. Be patient. Real friendships will outlast these little silences and will become stronger for it. Real friends stick around in these times, and so should you.