"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting
in Paris sipping coffee."
-- Regis Philbin.

"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on
average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and
drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside
and drinking large glasses of whisky I don't know."
-- P. J O'Rourke (1989).

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s
who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it."
-- John McCain, U. S. Senator from Arizona

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates
America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people!"
-- Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out
of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get Hitler out of France either."
-- Jay Leno.

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris
under a German flag."
-- David Letterman

"Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada."
-- Ted Nugent.

War without France would be like ... uh ... World War II.

"The favorite bumper sticker in Washington now is one that says 'First Iraq,
then France.'"
-- Tom Brokaw.

"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its
national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?"
-- Dennis Miller.

"It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they
needed us."
-- Alan Kent

"They've taken their own precautions against al Qaeda. To prepare for an
attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day
supply of mistresses in the house."
-- Argus Hamilton

"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised
on eBay the other day -- the description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once.'"
-- Rep. Roy Blunt (MO)

"The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles
in Iraq."
-- Dennis Miller

Raise your right hand if you like the French .. raise both hands if you are
French.

Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city
in WWII?
A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?

"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not known, it's
never been tried."
-- Rep. R. Blount (MO)

"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII?
And that's because it was raining."
-- John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.

The AP and UPI reported that the French government announced after the London
bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The
only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate.

The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed
France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military.

French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney (AP), Paris, March 5, 2003: The French
government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at
Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at
the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a
nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a
group of Czech tourists.