Saturday, April 3, 2010

Holy shit, Latin guys are FUCKING HOT! It’s not like I was totally clueless to that fact before. But after watching this DVD and the one I reviewed before it, Stag Reel, the point has really been driven home. Me gusto papi chulos! Latin Jocks features models from BangBangBoys.com, which apparently is Latin America’s answer to Corbin Fisher and Randy Blue. The DVD has no plot to speak of, no dialogue, and the sex scenes have no relation to one another. More importantly, there are no “jocks” anywhere to be found, either. No sports are played (unless you count tabletop soccer as a sport and I don’t), no sports-related gear is worn by any of the models (OK, I counted one baseball jersey and two jock straps). Therefore, I can only surmise that the scenes were shot specifically for the BangBangBoys.com website, and only later released onto DVD by Raging Stallion Studios and given the “jocks” title to beef up sales. Latins: yes. Jocks: no. Let’s take a peek at the festivities.

First up is rough trade, “no recip” (got that verbiage from craigslist M4M, which is truly the gay sexual lexicon of our time) top Andre Gaucho and willing, accommodating bottom Felix Stuhlbach . From the neck down, Andre is truly a vision: great broad shoulders, wide muscular chest, tanned body, delicious meaty cock and a nice pair of balls. From the neck up…how do I say this nicely? It would appear from the Droopy Dog dark circles around his eyes and the bags underneath them that Mr. Gaucho perhaps spent too much time dancing on a speaker with a bottle of poppers under his nose at da club the night before, when he should have been home in bed getting his beauty rest for the porn shoot he had in the morning. Not hatin’…just sayin’. I’m sure there’s a handsome guy underneath those bags and circles. You’d just never know it from watching this scene. Bottom-boy Felix is cute with a nice tight, toned body. And Felix has to do most of the work here. From the full-body massage he gives Andre in the beginning (where he strangely uses Gun Oil lube as massage oil; what, there’s no baby oil in Latin America?), to the cock sucking and ball licking (there’s a nice shot of Felix’s sweet pucker facing the camera as he nurses on Andre’s meat). In fact, Andre’s so lazy that Felix even has to slap the condom on him. Aye dios mio! Actually, Andre does seem to get his groove back when he starts plowing Felix’s hole doggy style. If there’s any heat in this scene, it’s thanks to Felix’s moans and groans, as Andre remains pretty silent throughout. The fucking moves from doggy to missionary, with Andre really getting into it and giving Felix a nice, hard, deep fucking. He blows a nice load onto Felix’s bush and stomach, but Felix himself doesn’t get to cum (?!). Instead, he gets to cuddle up with Andre (who at this point is completely done with the scene and Felix himself and just lies across the bed with his eyes closed) with a case of blue balls that I can’t even begin to imagine. Even if scenes with rough-trade tops vs. eager, willing bottoms are your cup of tea, here’s one recurring annoyance that’s sure to hamper your hard on: both performers cannot stop looking off screen, presumably at the video monitor off camera. I fault director Gavin Lowe for allowing the models to do this constantly throughout the segment. And I also fault him for not letting Felix, after a hard-day’s work, blow a well-deserved load of his own.

Next up at bat is Adriano Rodrigues and Gill. Both are helping each other out with some arm stretching exercises (maybe arm stretching is a sport?) which quickly leads to Adriano giving Gill a massage (AGAIN with Gun Oil lube; I’ve decided to send Bang Bang Boys a care package of baby oil). Gill (featured on the DVD cover), with closely-cropped hair, dark skin, six-pack abs and large nipples made to lick and bite, rocks a scary-ass clown tattoo on his right shoulder and another on his stomach featuring an ornate dagger piercing his flesh. Again, not hatin’…just sayin’. I think Gill just needs a hug. Well, he’s in luck, because stone-cold cutie Adriano (lighter skinned, toned body with a pierced eyebrow, nice five o’clock shadow and full lips that were meant to be kissed) is only too happy to help. He pulls down Gill’s shorts and circuit-boy underwear and goes to town on his thick, dark dick. Adriano is a talented cock sucker and really enjoys pleasuring Gill’s pole, working up some nice hand and mouth action as he slides up and down his hefty shaft. Gill spanks his own ass while he’s getting blown with a resounding THAWK that made me jump and fingers his hole. He then gets down on all fours to show off the hairiest asshole I’ve ever seen in all my years of watching porn. I’m not kidding; it’s like he’s got a Muppet living down there. I’m completely against excessive manscaping in porn, but even I might suggest mowing that down just a touch. But Adriano is a much braver soul than I, and he get his tongue right in Gill’s shaggy manhole . They switch places and Gill goes down on Adriano’s cock and tugs on his balls. He looks friggin’ gorgeous standing up on the bed and getting blown with his head slightly back and his eyes closed in sheer bliss. But there is one kink in Adriano’s shining armor. How do I put this delicately? He has a small, almost bubble-like growth on the underside of his prick. I still wouldn’t kick him out of bed for anything in the world, but it’s somewhat distracting nonetheless. Instead of focusing on the bj Gill was lovingly dispensing, I was focused on that darn growth and wondering what the fuck it was. Both end the scene jerking off side by side, blowing some nice-sized loads (Gill eats some of his while Adriano slides his own spooge across his chin). Both finish the scene sharing a shower together and soaping each other up. There’s some nice tenderness between them on display here, and it’s a great way to end the scene.

Andre Morais appears next in a solo jack-off scene in front of a blue-sky backdrop which resembles a bed sheet and sits on top of what looks like a lobster crate swathed in fatigue-printed canvas. I’m not much of a fan of solo scenes, to be honest, and its placement here (after two previous scenes featuring couples) is a bit strange and out of place. Andre is a handsome fellow with a Ceasar cut, army-fatigue pants, leather boots, dog tags, and a bad case of razor bumps on his upper chest and between his belly button and the top of his pubes. Andre: guys have hair their chest and stomach. No one is going to think less of you if you don’t shave it off. I think I’m also going to send some St. Ives exfoliating apricot body scrub in my care package to Bang Bang Boys specifically for him. If we learned anything from Queer Eye, gentleman, it’s to exfoliate before shaving! That and to not air so many repeats of old shows that the audience gets bored and stops watching the show entirely. Andre looks intently into the camera while he slowly disrobes. So intently, in fact, I started laughing. Dude, why so serious? You’re getting ready to rub out a hot one for us, not recite Shakespeare! The music in this scene by former porn performer J.D. Slater is just plain odd and tough to describe. It sounds like experimental circus merry go round music from another planet. Like something Tim Burton would play at a party or something. The music, in addition to Andre’s overly-intense stares into the camera, make it difficult to get into this scene, even if you do like solo scenes. There’s always the mute button on your remote control, which I recommend using if you do enjoy solo scenes. Andre removes his pants to display a nice, thick, uncut cock with a great curve to it. Andre does seem to like playing with his cock on camera for all the world to see, and rubs out a nice load for us.

Scene quatro is the best segment on the DVD. Not because it has the best-looking performers with the best bodies and the biggest dicks. But because both models display genuine affection and tenderness towards each other that’s completely believable, something that’s all but impossible to find in porn today. These two lads would be fucking their brains out and couldn’t keep their hands off each other even if they weren’t getting paid to do it. Kaio Castro and Daniel are naked and making out on bean bag chairs (they still make those?). Kaio has a muscular body, tan skin, great ass, smooth hole, and if you’ve been drinking a lot and squint real hard, he kinda/sorta/almost looks like Taylor Lautner. The shaft of his cock is dark, but the head and balls are lighter in color. It’s also quite curved. His partner Daniel is of a slighter build than Kaio but tight and toned, which makes for a nice contrast between body types. He’s also got a curved dick, a nice set of low hangers, and his dick coloring is somewhat similar to Kaio’s. Kaio starts slurping on Daniel’s cock, and in no time Daniel has him flipped over on his back and is chowing down on and fingering his smooth hole. He slides a dildo up his backdoor, and Kaio moans his appreciation for the attention his friend is paying to his hole. They make out while Kaio takes over and plunges the dildo in and out of his own hole. Daniel starts fucking Kaio standing up, while Kaio jerks his cock as Daniel slides in and out of his hole. The fucking stops abruptly and the two are laying side by side again, with Kaio sliding the dildo in and out of his own hole while they both jerk their cocks. Daniel simply cannot keep his hands off of Kaio. He blows a load while keeping one hand on Kaio’s well-tanned six pack, almost like he’s bracing himself. He makes out with Kaio as he jerks out a nice sized load out of his own while still plunging the dildo in and out of his pucker. A nice ending to the scene sees both of them in the shower kissing and caressing and then toweling each other off. It’s really great to see this kind of affection and tenderness between performers in a porn video, because all too often it’s just not present. IMHO, porn could use A LOT more it.

Scene cinco features dreamy-eyed, light skinned, muscular DVD cover boy Davyd and equally muscular, dark skinned Poax flexing their biceps on the bed. They strip off their shorts to reveal Poax in a jock strap and Davyd in designer skivvies and have a playful wresting match. It’s not long before Poax slips down Davyd’s underwear and goes to town on his gorgeous cock. Seriously, Davyd’s dick is dildo-mold material. Curved up with nicely trimmed (but not overly so) pubes and shaved balls, which Poax wastes no time licking and tasting. Poax wants to taste every inch of Davyd’s cock and balls (trust me, you would, too) and it shows. He lays on his back and leans his head off the edge of the bed and Davyd fucks his throat (hot!) and dunks his balls into his waiting mouth and his hole onto his flickering tongue. Switch to Davyd leaning forward on the bed, ass up and feet on the floor with Poax licking the underside of his cock, savoring his balls and delicious hairy hole, even sliding a well-lubed finger into his ass. They change positions and Poax is now on all fours while Davyd munches down on his hole and lightly spanks his ass. Poax slides a rubber on Davyd’s manstick, lubes it up, and Davyd slowly slides his cock inside his chute. Davyd holds onto his jockstrap like it’s a harness, and it’s pretty hot to watch. Davyd has a huge tool, and Poax’s face contorts with looks of both pleasure and pain while trying to accommodate his massive fuck stick. Switching things up a bit, Davyd lies on his back while Poax faces him and slides his hairy butt own onto his skin javelin, then turns around and takes a ride reverse-cowboy style. Poax looks much more comfortable (and in less pain) when he’s on top. Jock-strap fans will appreciate Poax because he keeps his jockstrap on throughout the entire scene. Next he’s flat on his back with Davyd raising his right leg up high and fucking him deep with a nice spoon fuck to follow. Davyd, now standing over Poax, groans like a wild animal and jerks off a hot load all over Poax’s chest. They share a kiss afterwards but Poax doesn’t get to come! After taking a pounding by a huge dick like that, he deserves to rub out a hot one of his own! What’s up with director Gavin Lowe and Bang Bang Boys not letting the boys who just got fucked within an inch of their lives not be able to cum themselves?! I’m definitely rethinking sending that care package until they rectify this blue-balled bottom situation. Not fair, Mr. Lowe. Not fair at all.

The denouement features slim, wiry, big-schlonged Jay Long (boy, is that last name apropos!) and dark skinned, muscular (nice pecs and abs) Allan White. Both start out the playing a game of strip tabletop soccer. Whenever one of them scores a goal, they take off a piece of clothing. But to hell with that because eventually they just start peeling off their clothes regardless of who scores (this is porn after all, not ESPN). Not that I know a blessed thing about tabletop soccer, but I’m guessing that the model on display here is first ever to feature a glory hole (which Jay festively puts his cock through). Only in gay porn. Anyhoo, Jay strips down to a jock strap and Allan down to a pair of army-fatigue boxers. Jay eventually tosses his jock strap aside and Allan removes his boxers to reveal a plump, dark dick. Here’s a question: what’s up with all the frightening tattoos on display in this video? Jay has one of Satan (?!) on his right pec. They start jerking off each other’s cocks, and soon Jay squats down to give Allan a blow job, with Allan shortly returning the favor in kind. Jay rims Allan’s ass and bites him on the butt check (hot!) which almost immediately leads into Jay fucking Allan from behind. Jay has a really huge dick but definitely knows how to use it, as he fucks Allan slowly and gently, while playing with his nipple and tenderly kissing his back. All of the action takes place in a large room you would picture in a Spanish villa: white stucco walls, wooden beams on the ceiling, and large, open, half-moon shaped windows with no glass or screens (you can clearly see the trees and foliage outside). Brave Allan lies back on the bottom ledge of a window while Jay fucks him slowly and deeply. All I could think of during this scene was not how gently and carefully Jay was plowing him and how hot it was, but HOLY SHIT what if Allan fell out of the fucking window?! Something tells me Bang Bang Boys didn’t set up a safety net below to catch Allan if he did fall. Jay and Allan are both talking and laughing during this scene (perhaps joking about Allan falling to his death?), but the dialogue is not subtitled, unfortunately. Seriously, our boy Allan should have been given stunt pay on top of the cash he got to do this scene. He’s a brave bottom, not only for handling such a huge dick, but also for getting fucked on a window ledge God only knows how many stories up from the ground. Peril aside, both Jay and Allan do have some good playful sexual chemistry on display here. Then it’s Jay’s turn to sit forward on the window ledge with Allan facing him, feet on the ledge, and squatting down on his meaty dong. The sex scenes that follow are pretty varied: Jay on the floor with Allan impaling himself on his pole, a nice spoon fuck (my favorite fuck position in porn), Allan on his side as Jay faces forward and fucks his hole sideways, and finishing up with a doggy style pounding. Allan stands before Jay and blows a nice hot load onto his shoulder. Jay returns the favor by blasting his spunk onto Allan’s face and neck.

The DVD does not offer anything in terms of special features. Just two previews for other Bang Bang Boys features: Tall, Dark and Latin and Testosterone. As far as some of the bottoms not blowing their own loads: that could have been a problem the models had on set and not a directive from Gavin Lowe himself. Some behind-the-scenes footage would have been nice to feature on the DVD, and could have explained what happened in these scenes where the bottoms did not (or could not) come. Porn audiences expect money shots from models in porn. For that to be missing in a few places, it’s a bit odd and lowered my enjoyment of the DVD as a whole. Especially after all the work these bottoms did in their scenes. That, and the blatant bait and switch with the word “jocks” in the title. I give Latin Jocks three splats.

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