Justin Lee, founder of The Gay Christian Network, is scheduled to speak this week in Grand Rapids.courtesy photo

GRAND RAPIDS, MI – Justin Lee disagrees with people who think the Bible prohibits monogamous same-sex relationships. But that’s beside the point for The Gay Christian Network founder, who is scheduled to speak in Grand Rapids this week.

More important than the debate is how it gets conducted and how it can detract from the faith, said Lee, who is gay and Christian.

“It’s become so polarized that ‘What side are you on?’ has become a more important question for folks than ‘How should I best love you the way that God loves you?' - and that’s a problem,” he said. “If everyone on both sides of this issue could treat each other with that kind of grace, we would be able to agree to disagree and move on. It would be a completely different world.”

• On research that suggests almost all young Americans equate Christianity to being “anti-homosexual” (although more recent surveys by The Barna Group find that some people in the church are increasingly supportive of gay rights and same-sex marriage)

“That is, for that generation (of Americans age 16 to 29), the most salient thing about Christianity today. Our faith has become known more for being against a particular group of people in this culture than anything else. I think that’s a problem whether you support or oppose same-sex marriage. That should not be what we’re known for.”

“Christianity in our culture has unfortunately a very poor reputation, particularly on this issue. Christians have the reputation of being unkind and judgmental and not playing well with others. So my book is about how we not just change that reputation, but how we address the underlying issues that are causing that reputation and how Christians can better understand LGBT people.

“More and more I’m being asked to speak on that topic, trying to help people understand those whose life and experiences are different from theirs, to better communicate with them and get past this polarized culture war that right now is characterizing so much of our discourse in this country.”

• On being raised Southern Baptist

“Growing up I thought I understood what it was to be gay. I thought I understood the subject of homosexuality as an issue, so I spoke out regularly on the topic as I did on many controversial issues as a Southern Baptist. It wasn’t until years later that I began to grapple with the realization that I was gay and what it felt like to be on the other side of the some of the things that I had said myself.

“One of the big problems that many Christians have on this issue is that there is a language disconnect. What often happens is there are misunderstandings within certain Christian groups about LGBT people and those misunderstandings manifest themselves as language that is not intended to be harsh or unloving but comes across that way. You have somebody saying ‘Well, I ‘m just trying to be loving by sharing the truth,’ and the people on the other end of the language experience (anything but loving truth).”

• On disagreement within the church about homosexuality

“We disagree on many things and yet we are able to disagree respectfully and still treat each other as brothers and sisters. It’s only this issue in our generation that has become known as the evidence that Christians are not gracious. This issue has become the cultural battleground, and to the detriment of the church.

“Of course, when you have a disagreement like this, both sides want to see the other side’s mind change. Realistically, though, humanity and Christianity have always been marked by disagreements on issues and I think the key is, when we have these disagreements, can we disagree in a way that is respectful and gracious? So the goal of that dialogue is to be able to disagree in a way that is more respectful and gracious than what the dialogue has been.”

• On how the church can move forward without agreement on homosexuality

“We need to acknowledge up front that there is a theological difference of belief in this room and I am not here to change one side’s mind to agree with the other side. We’re going to have to agree to disagree and that doesn’t mean that one side thinks the other side’s view is just as valid.

“We can acknowledge that up front and then say ‘Now, given that you think the people sitting across the table from you are wrong, can we seek to understand one another better so we can have a more healthy conversation?’ Because I don’t think it’s healthy, for instance, for folks in the LGBT community to label conservative Christians as bigots and homophobes. Just because someone may say some things that sound bigoted and homophobic, that person is trying to follow the scriptures as they understand them. I don’t have to agree with someone to understand where they’re coming from.”