You hit a certain age and all of a sudden, you start to wonder if what you have in your life is really what you still want.

Everything you had taken for granted is suddenly up for evaluation, and that scares you. Your remaining time on this planet feels more precious somehow, and you are questioning all the decisions that got you here. It feels almost embarrassing, at this late stage in life, to be wanting more happiness for yourself. You wonder if anyone else is going through this deep questioning, or is it just you alone who's wondering whether you still want your life as it stands now.

Be assured you are not alone. Many people go through a time in their lives when the ground underneath them feels decidedly shaky. It may be brought on by an illness in yourself or a loved one, a job change, a move, or just internal biochemical shifts. Though this can be disconcerting, it is also a beautiful and sacred time. Don't push it away.

For women, it often happens during the menopausal years. I often say that menopause is a time in life when a woman's biochemistry won't allow her to be dishonest with herself. Your hormonal shifts won't allow you to turn away from whatever is out of balance in your life until you find a way to set it right.

If you are getting upset about random irritations, then go ahead and blame it on the ravages of your hormones. However, if you see a pattern, then your hormones may be giving you the gift of insight. The beauty of menopause is that if you use this time to find what brings happiness - and what tears you down - and then take the steps in this new understanding, then you will be that much more likely to live a joyful life a few years down the line. If you ignore it or medicate the discomfort away, then you will have missed out on an opportunity to see yourself clearly reflected in your own life.

For men, these questions come up around the same age and may also be related to hormonal shifts. In general, though, you may have more trouble expressing your discomfort than women, and it can come out as anger, angst, depression, isolating behaviors, affairs with younger women or the proverbial midlife sports car. The source of happiness may be sought outside of yourself, but the secret formula for happiness is actually finding the joy within. This is a time to turn inward and do the work of knowing yourself more deeply, possibly for the first time in your life. This is a good time to join a men's group or get some counseling.

Change can be scary, not only for you, but also for those who care about you. Know that the goal is to hold on to anything that adds to your love, peace and happiness. What you love is central to you, a part of your life path, and your explorations should rightly incorporate this love.

What will fall away will be those things that didn't ever really belong to you, things that you may have been clinging on to but were pulling you down into stress and tension. You will go through uncertainties as you find your way, but you will also have incredible moments of pure joy.

The goal will be to have those moments of happiness drown out the discomforts of change. You will embody, quite simply, the life you want.