George Bush Declares US Carbon Neutral

The United States demonstrated a leadership position in the world sustainability movement today as President Bush made it clear he is carbon neutral.

"If we're talkin grillin here, some people like it well done and some like it rare. I'm from Texas. I like it rare with a litta-bitta char on the outside but as President of all the American people I don't think I should take sides on the subject."

White House insiders reveal the President is neutral on other issues as well. When it comes to Tom and Jerry cartoons Bush is undecided who to root for, "B'tween them takin turns chasing each other, Tom and Jerry, Jerry and Tom, Tom and Jerry, I kin barely keep up, and that mouse hole, table and lamp keeps goin by over and over and over again while all these people in here keep talkin'bout world affairs . . . kind'a hard ta concentrate."

Bush discourages any lengthy discussion on the subject.

The President defends his indecisiveness and says next to God his biggest source of inspiration is the novel "War or Peace" by the great writer "that Russian guy."

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