Bit: Selective Gravity

Episode: 201- Rocketship X-M

Transcribed by Sakura1300@aol.com

[SOL]

Joel (in teacher mode): Did I or did I
not address the topic of selective gravity, Mr. Crow?Crow:
Uh...uh...well, we did global...and...uh... (he whispers to
Tom) what's the other thing? I don't...Tom: Shh!
Shh!Joel: Mr. Crow,
please pay attention. This is for your benefit.Crow: Yes sir,
sorry.Joel: Alright.
Now, selective gravity is the ease of which fishing
line...Tom
(interrupting): Or...or wire,
sir?Joel: ...or wire,
can be attached to an object to make it float.Crow: Oh! Like a
biscuit.Joel: Uh, we'll
get to that. Anyway, the object you're going to be floating,
has to have a high degree for humor, or "levity." Just a
little joke for the TAs, there. Now I'm going to be floating
some objects here.Crow: Uh, with
wire?Joel: ...with
wire, and you're going to tell me if they're funny or not.
Alright, first we start off with a coat. (A coat raises in
the air, with obvious string attached) Funny or not
funny?Tom: Uh,
funny?Joel: Right.
Funny. Next. Cambot, bring it over to the right here a
little bit. A wrench: funny or not funny?Tom: Uh, I'd say
funny.Joel: Right.
Funny. Finally: a harmonica: (Joel plays some notes on it
before it raises) funny or not funny?Crow: Oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, (raises hand)...Joel: Ok,
Crow...Crow: Oh, oh,
oh-Joel: Crow.Crow:
Uhhh...um...I forgot the question.Joel: Funny or
not funny?Crow: Uh,
funny.Joel: Are you
sure?Crow: No-Not
funny.Joel: It WAS
funny. Stick to your guns, Crow. Now, I'm going to be
showing you some flash cards. You'll be awarded 20 points,
for every correct flash card. These are objects that are
funny or not funny when they're floating. Alright. Start
things off: Sand. (Holds up card.)Tom: Uh, not
funny.Joel: Right. Ok,
orange juice: funny or not funny?Crow: Uh,
funny?Joel: Right.
Next: a baseball.Tom: Uh,
funny.Joel: Wrong. Not
funny. Alright, a woodchuck. Funny or not funny
floating?Crow: Funny.Joel: EXTREMELY
funny. Next. Funny or not funny floating...Sally Field?Tom: Uh. not
funny.Joel: Right.
Next. Funny or not funny floating...Sebastian Cabot?Crow: FUN-NY!Joel: Right,
extremely funny, but impossible. Finally, the rules get a
little blurry here guys. Christopher Reeve in "Superman":
Funny or not funny floating?Tom: Uh, not
funny.Joel: Right.
Christopher Reeve in "Monsignor."Crow: Funny.Joel: Right. Now,
Christopher Reeve kissing Michael Cane in "Deathtrap."Tom: OH
FUN-NY.Joel: Right.
Finally, Gallagher. Funny or not funny floating.Crow: Not
funny.Joel: Extremely
unfunny. Now we go into the lightening round. Cambot, put it
up on magic screen, and, Magic Voice, let's have the
password. (Joel walks off.)Magic
Voice: The password is "Things
which are funny floating."Crow (to
Tom): Uh, you take
your shoe off with this.Tom: Uh, a piece
of cheese, uh, uh, a comealong, uh, a shoehorn! (*Ding*)Crow: Um, right.
Uh, you keep meat in this.Tom: Uh, your
mouth! (*Ding*)Crow: Uh right.
Uh, a juggler.Tom: Uh, boring
things?Crow: A
juggler... hacknied...Tom: Things at a
renaissance festival.Crow: Uh, bad
actor.Tom: Things you
say to a bishop?Crow: Uh, pass,
pass. (Lights for movie sign start to flash) Um, flashing
light.Tom: Um, sale at
K-Mart?Crow: Um,
flashing light...buzzer...Tom: Times Square
at midnight.Crow: Ground
shaking...Tom: Things that
happen at movie sign! (*Ding*)Crow: Yeah,
that's it!Tom: Movie sign!
AHHHHH!