CMLL Super Viernes Preview: On the Road to the Big Show with No Name

I know what you’re thinking; did this guy really use the Pokémon Rap as the song for this column. You’re gorram right I did. Hey, when you see the card for this CMLL show you’ll get why I needed to. It’s a dull one folks; sure we got intrigue in the main event, a really nice second match and Zeuxis proving once more she’s the heroine we both deserve and need right now. Sadly the rest of the card doesn’t live up to that in any shape or form; hence we need something else to get us hyped, hence the PokéRap. You’ll thank me later. But enough about the future, for we need to break this bad boy down so I can be home in time for Corn Flakes. Wow I can’t believe I just used that line. Moses, dust off that meme.

Oro Jr. & Stigma vs. Sangre Azteca & Skándalo

What to Expect: This match is the greatest lost cause since Josh Trank’s Fantastic Four. All I and anyone else can do is feel bad for Oro Jr. (and maybe Stigma), hope it’s kept short or that Sangre Azteca, Skándalo or both get lost on the way to Arena Mexico. Basically, whatever you were doing prior to the show may be something you want to keep doing for another twenty minutes.

Winners: When in doubt, go with the rudos. They win in three falls.

Fuego, Pegasso, Soberano Jr. vs. Okumura, Puma, Tiger

What to Expect: Now this is what I call immediate improvement. I probably would’ve preferred someone like Drone over the master of inconsistency Pegasso, but everyone else here ranges from reliable to spectacular and Puma and Tiger will do things here that will make up for the unfortunate lack of dives. If nothing else it’ll be a solid match where you’re not going to feel bad about either side winning.

Winners: Basically a coin flip for me. Puma and Tiger are higher on the totem pole (and have a tag title match or a trios title match coming up soon with uncle Negro Casas), but Soberano is on the rise and going to Japan next month. I’ll give the edge slightly to the technicos here, with Soberano and Fuego getting two pins in the third fall to seal the deal.

Estrellita, Princesa Sugehit, Zeuxis vs. Dalys, La Vaquerita, Marcela

What to Expect: Hey, it looks like CMLL may have taken my advice again! Last week I pointed out how Zeuxis looked like the technica and Estrellita/Marcela seemed like the rudas after they conspired to screw the Queen and then act like mean girls about it. This week Zeuxis is actually on the technica team while Marcela is on the other side. So what if this is a Relevos Increíbles, Estrellita is still a technica and this is all some ploy to lead to a huge cage match where Zeuxis takes all the masks and all the hair? On second thought I like that idea better. And don’t even dare suggest to me that match is being set up so Zeuxis can be unmasked prior to leaving for the WWE. I will end you, your family and bring back Olicity all at the same time!

As for this match, I can safely say it’ll be better than last week’s travesty if only because Dalys and Princesa Sugehit are replacing Sanely and Tiffany (sadly Metálica is removed for Vaquerita, an obvious downgrade). No one will get along on either team, Zeuxis will be awesome a knee a lot of luchadoras in the face (and may hit a dive or two), Dalys will flex, Marcela will fly around, Estrellita will steal the spotlight away from the women who deserve it more than her and Rob Viper will not watch. Alas I will; to turn the channel when the Queen of Lucha Libre is kneeing heads into the front row is the greatest crime since Famous B interrupted Melissa Santos’ introduction. And we all know how that ended for him.

Winners: How many times do I have to say I never bet against the Queen before you fools realize I never bet against the Queen? Zeuxis will win this for her team by stealing the pin from Estrellita in the third fall, leading to some shoving, some challenges and hopefully Zeuxis kneeing Estrellita into kingdom come.

Lightning Match

Valiente vs. La Máscara

What to Expect: This match features an Anniversary Show headliner going up against a veteran luchador on the rise, and yet the most intriguing question I have is whether Valiente will be showing up with the pants again. I’m sorry but there’s just something about this match that I don’t quite like and I think it has to do with La Máscara. He really stepped up his game before, during, and immediately after the Anniversary Show a few months ago but seems to have cooled a bit since then. I don’t know if it’s because he’s in a holding pattern till CMLL kicks the storyline with Rush back into high gear or if the fact that he’s basically become the superkick version of Marco Corleone (minus the charisma); whatever the case the guy isn’t doing it for me right now. He’s capable and perhaps this match will change my mind. Hell he doesn’t even have to considering what Valiente is capable of. I just don’t get the same sense of excitement from this match that I got from Casas-Ángel de Oro, Panther-Okumura or even Star Jr.-Raziel from this past Tuesday. It’ll be a fine, unspectacular Lightning Match.

Winners: Unless Rush is back this Friday to screw Valiente over I’m going with the man with the pants to build momentum for his match with UG on Monday. Valiente takes this in about seven and a half minutes.

What to Expect: Picture this; CMLL brings back a past his prime veteran to a) have a feud with a popular technico and b) help elevate his up and coming nephews. The first aspect is head ache inducing sure, but the latter works in getting said nephews more exposure and more opportunities, all while successfully building up the feud CMLL wants to build up. You’d think that this would lead to the youngsters continuing to get opportunities right? NOT SO FAST MY FRIEND! Instead, because this is CMLL, those nephews Sansón and Cuatrero are sent home for Friday so Máscara Año 2000 can team with Shocker and Terrible.

I don’t get it either sports fans. I’m happy to see Terrible back and Shocker, if nothing else, is someone you want to see do well after a viewing of Lucha Mexico. But their inclusion here makes zero sense. Not only did Sansón and Cuatrero prove they were capable of hanging with main eventers like Máximo and Volador last week but Volador and Máximo seemed to really enjoy working with them! I may be off base but that’s supposed to be a good thing last I checked. Why you’d then remove them for a duo that has no ties to Máscara Ano beats the hell out of me. Even worse is that the match quality will suffer too unless Terrible is allowed to go fully off the chain (he won’t). You never know with top talent like Máximo, Volador and Marco involved but my guess is they’ll only be able to do so much, meaning your best hope is that this match is cut short and the Máximo-Máscara Año story sets up a match next week instead of a co-headliner for the next big show. Good Grodd I think I’m gonna be sick.

Winners: Máximo won last week and the fact that this match is actually happening leads me to believe Máscara Año will get his revenge with a cheap win here. A challenge will then be made and it’ll come down to whether CMLL wants to play it safe and do a CMLL World Heavyweight Championship match next week or if they do the unthinkable and give Máscara Año 2000 a Lucha de Apuesta match in 2016. And with that I suddenly want to vomit again.

What to Expect: I know CMLL will be using this match to further set up the Carístico-UG issues, but considering the uncertainty of the rest of the card they may be wise to let these six go full out to close the show. If they do then this match has a legit chance of being a barnburner, especially with Dragón Lee involved. At worst though you’ll get at least five to eight minutes of above average action, another chapter added to the Carístico-UG rivalry and perhaps a clue as to where and when their final confrontation will take place.

Winners: We’ve gotten two straight weeks of UG stealing victories from Carístico, first via a foul and second from an illegal pin thanks to assistance from good pal Euforia. This would normally lead to me believing the third time is the charm for Carístico to get a win and make the match official…except we still have no idea when the big show for this match would take place and no inkling of CMLL making an announcement in regards to it. This I’m very torn. In the end I’ll say CMLL chooses to make it official and gives Carístico the pin over UG in fall three, perhaps after Carístico returns the favor by playing dirty himself. He’ll then issue another challenge, UG will this time accept (as is custom for the rudo after he’s finally been beaten) and our mask vs. hair match will be ready, set, and go. After that we just need to hope that CMLL announces the big show it’ll take place on sooner than a week before. It’s CMLL though so that’ll be touch and go.

Stick a fork in this one sports fans. I now retreat to sleep, but I’ll return tomorrow to review this show and talk some Arrow and JFK. In the words of Marty the Moth, IT’S GONNA BE FUN! FUN FUN FUN! I apologize for losing my mind there. Till next time, please accept my apology and be sure to acknowledge the great DUCHOVNY at least two times a day.