Sunday, July 15, 2007

Drugged Dialing

I have struggled with undx insomnia since I was in my early teens. It comes in waves that usually last a few months but in the last 10 years it was more on than off. It is not unusual for me to have less than 4 hours of sleep a night and the worst thing is I am so tired while I am waiting to fall asleep I do not get anything done. If I was productive I would probably not have sought medical attention.

Fast forward to this past May, after getting really sick a few times since the kids got here I felt I needed to do something about my immune system. The doctor felt it had a great deal to do with lack of sleep. I began taking Lunesta. It was fantastic. No drugged feeling and a horrible taste in my mouth so I didn't eat much. After a month, I had a few nights in a row that I did not sleep well and panicked. The doctor switched me to Ambien. I am concerned it is addictive and wonder if I jumped the gun on the Lunesta. Now I am having some issues with Ambien but not the same ones. Are you ready? It does not make me tired in the traditional sense and so I continue to walk around my house and tend to my chores and such. I make phone calls and post things online. I eat snacks and have conversations. I have no recollection of any of it. I am not kidding. It is like I have a faint memory of a dream but no details. Things when brought to my attention may sound familiar but not really. I can not tell if it really happened or I dreamt it. This is not good!

I may or may not have spoken to Emma's Nana last night . Apparently, I am making alot of calls b/c I can see on my phone I also called my friend Debra. Now I have to call these 2 back and see what was said. How embarrassing is that? I really needed to talk to Em's Nana b/c no one called Em on her birthday Friday and they have never missed it before. Supposedly they are clean right now and I am concerned this has been jeopardized. Em's Mother, Grandmother, and Great Grandmother all struggle with Meth addictions and they are trying to raise 2 of her sisters. The Meth issue is pretty bad but they also have chronic Depression that is the real issue they can't work through. They all spend weeks or months in bed unable to function or deal with life. It is so sad and I have known for a bit they were on a downward cycle but there is nothing I can do. I see how hard it is on Em, I can't even begin to imagine what her sisters are going through.

PLEASE VOTE FOR ME!

About Me

I am the mother of 10 children, 6 are part of a large sibling group we adopted through foster care in 2006, 2 are our grown foster daughters, 2 are from independent infant adoptions in 2001 and 2008. Every one of them have their own issues to work through from Schizo-Affective Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Complex PTSD, Reactive Attachment Disorder, Sensory Integration Dysfunction, ADHD, and Cerebral Palsy. Most of our children have been victims of sexual abuse by a close family member, most acted out sexually or exhibited predatory behaviors. We are currently trying to figure out where the trauma ends and mental illness begins in each of their lives.