“Oh, ehrm, jolly good day to you! Now what’s all this ruckus I’ve been hearing about Mum being a slave owner? Last time I checked, it was still legal to have coolies and might I add, quite fashionable. They’re not called Ornamentals for nothing, are they now? Mum treats them quite well, I’ll have you know. She has their cages cleaned three times weekly and on occasion has been known to lavish them with day-old toast. Nummy, Mummy! Why just look at this one–is it Love, Angel, Music or Baby? Can’t remember exactly, no matter–idling away the time with a golden spoon! Heavens! I should be so lucky! And I’m master of the house.”

“Love” (not her real name) in Stefani’s Sweet Escape video

(If you believe this child may be afflicted with Assburger’s Syndrome, click here.)