Is this your second baby?

"Is
this your second?"

I hear that question from strangers often. Each time, I think to myself…how much time
do I want to invest explaining this?

Often times I
tell our story quickly answering this is our fourth. I always receive a surprised
look. When they ask gender and ages of my other children, I
go ahead and share with them the quick full story. People respond graciously and I have received
many hugs from random checkers, waiters, and store associates.

I
tell strangers our story for three reasons –

One,
because they keep asking questions!

Two,
because I have faith that our story might help spread awareness of pregnancy
and infant loss and open discussion so it doesn’t seem like such a taboo
topic. In addition, I like to talk about
Simon and Thomas – even though it might make me tear up.

And
three, because I get to share our hope that we will see our sons again, fully
restored, in Heaven.

This week at library story time, a stranger randomly asked if this was my second. For the first time, I hesitated. I was checking out our books and there was a line forming behind us and I considered for a split second not to go into it.

But, I just couldn't. Simon and Thomas are part of my heart, my
soul and my family and I cannot leave them out.

So, I responded to the stranger and said, “Well,
not really.It’s our fourth.”I could’ve left it there, but I went on.“We had two little boys who lived and died
last year.And this, (pointing at my
tummy) is our fourth.”She apologized
for being flippant with her question – which, from my experience, is how most
respond.They feel terrible for asking
such an innocent question and possibly stirring up deep, sad, emotions.I went on and explained to her that I love
talking about our boys in Heaven and that we hope to be reunited with them
someday.I also shared that I know far
too many mothers have walked a road similar to ours in silence, and that my hope is my openness will allow others to share their story if they find it to aid in
their grief.

I
share our story not to make others uncomfortable, but to simply tell the
truth. This is my fourth pregnancy and
child. And, in fact, we are parents to three
boys. It’s easy to tell yourself to hide
the heartache of your losses – you feel like you are sparing yourself and
others the grief – but ultimately, this grief is a part of my story and is a
piece of what makes me who I am.

Dear
Lord, I pray that with each time I share my story that this child I carry is
our fourth baby, not our second, that my story might be used in the hard and
hidden places with someone else. Remind me it is a privilege to walk
alongside of a family who is in the messy part of life. Use my story in my community to reach the broken-hearted. Give me the confidence to share my You Made Me
Mom business card, when appropriate, to those who have randomly heard my
story after asking if this child in my womb is my second baby. ~Amen