Tommy Robinson to compete with Vladimir Putin for Peace Prize

The Nobel Peace prize, previously given to such great figures as Theodore Roosevelt, Henry Kissinger, and Mother ‘Abortion is the greatest threat to civilisation’ Theresa, is to be contested this year between Vladimir Putin and Tommy Robinson, otherwise known by names such as Stephen Yaxley-Lennon, Doink the Clown, and Maximillian de Krema, former leader of the EDL.

Putin is nominated for the award for manipulating the western anti-war movement into supporting a position that allowed him to continue making profits from the Syrian arms trade. Tommy Robinson is being nominated for leaving a group of racist bigots after leading them for 4 years.

Putin has claimed Robinson has left the group at a ‘convinient time’ in the calendar, whereas he intervened in Syria, “The minute I noticed a dip in Uralvagonzavod profits”, he said, referring to Russia’s largest battle tank company.

Robinson, in full clown makeup as he now needs a day-job, claimed Putin hated England and was just jealous of its ‘alright’ Football team. “As if stealing the World Cup in 2018 isn’t enough. He now wants all the glory for this peace business.” Robinson privately ‘off-the-record’ (LOL as if we honour that) revealed that he was hoping his Nobel Peace Prize would catapult him into an acting career “I could see myself being like a sort of racist, more right-wing Jason Statham. A bit like Michael Caine or Sean Connery.”