DC movie and television mogul David Goyer gave an interview to Comic Book Resources today, and it's so full of outrageous and infuriating quotes that we don't even know where to begin picking it apart. I guess we might as well start at the top, before the interview even begins, when CBR quoted something Goyer said during a press tour for the show:

"The thing that I always loved about Constantine is he was a smartass," Goyer said during NBC's presentation at the Television Critics Association's press tour in Beverly Hills. "So in a world of superheroes and a world of demons and angels, he was just a complete smartass. He didn't have any superpowers. He was just a working class bloke. He had a wicked sense of humor. And so, recently, after the Batman and Superman films, I met with Warners TV, and they said, 'Will you do a DC TV project? You can kind of have any one.' And I said, 'I want Constantine. He's the one I want.' I also felt like it was someone that would sort of translate into television without us having to change the core DNA of the character."

Right. Not changing the core DNA. As long as you don't consider the smoking, bisexuality, cursing, heavy drinking, and general bastardness as part of his cored DNA, then they hit that nail right on the head. Yeah, not off to a good start. So let's see what else they got into:

Does the fact that you might want to use a character in a movie have any bearing on the show?

I think there's been a decision that it's okay to cross-promote these characters, that the audience can take it.

Speaking of insulting comic book readers and the medium in general, here's what Goyer had to say about them in relation to movies and television:

I'm not the first person to say this, but I've long said that comic books are sort of the modern equivalent of our Greek myths. It's also kind of what the farm team is for baseball. You can beta test all of these concepts, but you're dealing with these outsized characters and these outsized themes.

Comic books: the farm team of movies and television. How flattering. If there's one thing I enjoy spending $2.99-$4.99 per month for, it's a beta test for some idiot's movie pitch.

On why he loves DC so much:

When I was a kid I read many more Marvel comics than I did DC, and as I got older in high school and then in college I started reading more DC. I'm not sure why. I mean, like begets like to a certain extent, and [DC Chief Creative Officer] Geoff Johns is one of my best friends and we hang out all the time and I've written DC comics.

"Like begets like." No comment necessary on that one.

Asked about the epic failure of Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Goyer took the high road (who are you and what have you done with the real David Goyer?!) and instead choose to tell some more egregious lies:

What problems have led other comic book shows to go off the rails, like "Agents of SHIELD" got off to a bumpy start?

I can't really speak to that. I can just speak to what I do myself. I just try to, as much as possible, stay true to the core DNA of the characters. That's always been my approach and that's what I've done with Constantine and with Batman and Superman.

Well, at least he's consistent. Neck-snapping, city-destroying, making-out-in-the-aftermath-of-a-battle-that-killed-thousands Superman is as true to the source material as this Constantine show is shaping up to be.

Goyer also addresses the show's aspirations to appeal to more than "just comic book fans:"

I do want to be clear, though, that this show hopefully will be appreciated by people who aren't just comic book fans. We're not just making it for people like me.

Of course, when he refers to himself, he's referring to the cool, rich, sex machine type of comic book fan. Not the virginal losers who jerk off to giant green porn stars that he made fun of on that podcast earlier this year.

Here's one that made us laugh:

How hard was it to find your Constantine in Matt Ryan?

Very hard! I think we saw over 500 people, but when we saw Matt, we loved him. He was doing a Shakespeare play with Jude Law and he had this giant beard, but we knew immediately that he was the guy. In order to convince NBC we had to wait for his play to end and for him to shave his beard. It was hard -- and just look at him! If you know the comics at all, he just leapt off the page. It's kind of amazing.

Somehow, it doesn't surprise us in the slightest that NBC executives have the same approach to casting as the people who couldn't envision anyone other than already bald actors playing Lex Luthor in Superman vs. Batman.

Any plans to write a comic book again any time soon?

I would love to if I can find the time. I've been trying to kick around something with Geoff Johns again. It's just a question of finding the time.

Oh no! We hope these shows are very successful and Goyer's schedule keeps very busy.

Might there be an adaptation of this show from DC?

It's possible!

Oh for fuck's sake! You can't have the Vertigo Hellblazer book because that would confuse readers, but you can have a comic book version of a television show based on a comic book that you already publish? Argh! I can't take it anymore! Go read the rest of the interview for yourselves.

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About the Author - Jude Terror

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