Monday, December 31, 2007

Masquerade!

I think I'd like to hold a Masquerade today.

You should all sign in as Anonymous (but with interesting, colorful names and titles- you are all Lords & Ladies or people of rank), describe your "costumes," as it were, and explain the gifts you bear (they can be creative- a star suspended from a golden necklace, a bolt of silken fabric shot with glittering red thread, a piece of the sky...)

I can try to figure you out (assuming you are a regular commentator), but otherwise you should come back later and tell me who you really are!

31 comments:

Anonymous bows courteously, but with a devilish grin. He wears a red, blue and gold carnival mask that covers the top half of his face. He wears black robes, ala le Fantôme de l’Opéra.

"I ran over from my chateau in haste, I hope I'm not late," he says, the faux accent corresponding to a soft chuckle.

He snaps the fingers on his right hand and a puff of smoke rises. When it clears, he is holding a bottle of wine (Chteau Lafite Rothschild Pauillac 1996). Taped to the bottle is an album: Miranda Lambert's Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.

"Listen to the album," he says. "It's as good as the wine. I promise."

For your birthday we have used our chief weapon of surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise

The wise man is standing on the side, taking in all that is happening, peering through his glasses with eyes that are oh so aware. He stands with happiness and pride as he watches the Dragon Lady wave her arms while she talks excitedly with all her visitors, and finally walks over to quietly wish her private congratulations.

"Albus!! Tell me something exciting. Entertain me!", she says.

The wise man merely chuckles and asks the Dragon Lady how she is enjoying her party before allowing another guest to take her attention away. He spends the rest of the party talking quietly with some of the other guests off to the side before finally catching the Dragon Lady for a few minutes near the end. He compliments her on all that she has accomplished and how much she has grown in the past year over her protestations before taking his leave with a smile and a wink.

The Ben Ish Chai writes in Ben Yehoyadah (Brachos 18b) that the day R' Elazar ben Azariah was appointed Nasi was his birthday. The miracle of his premature whiteness was precipitated by the fortuitous mazel of his birthday. "As it is well known that one's mazel is strong and fortunate on the birthday, therefore, it is customary to celebrate the birthday (Ben Yehoyadah)."

"Please come, make yourself at home," she says, beckoning Dragon Lady to approach the throne. "We are honored to have you as our guest on your birthday! I hope you shall find the gift of entertainment to be sufficient. For that, may I present our resident court comedienne? She shall surely engage you with her antics. However, do not be fooled by her unusual appearance--she also makes a fast friend and an excellent listener. I am sure you shall be pleased to make her acquaintance.

"As an additional courtesy and gift to you as our guest, know that you have an open invitation to visit as often as you like. You will always have a place to stay here at our palace!"

I'm a gourgeous orphan girl raised by gypsies. My public dancing attracts attention of some who wish me ill. The only Birthday gift I am able to offer you is my poor goat and since your zodiac sign is a goat as well.please,please.....

Naturally, fair Lady, I have disregarded your instructions and arrived dirty and sweaty in my working clothes. 'Tis good for this to be seen by Lords and Ladies alike, every so often. I am bearded and wear a loose white cotton robe belted with rope, white t-shirt tied around my head, and carry my staff.

I will be so generous as to tender you one of my goats if you swear solemnly *not* to let your eemay dragons get to it. *cough* *sigh*And my respect to abovementioned eemay dragons.

You cannot see me. This is an anonymous gift, and I would like no 'thank yous'. This time, I have something for you that is quite extraordinary. I present to you a shimmery, crystal, many-faceted pocket-size bowl. The next time you may be feeling frustrated, angry, annoyed, or just so riled up you would like to be anywhere except where you are at that moment, just press your finger at the very bottom of the bowl, and make a wish or say the name of another place. If you make a wish, it will always come true. If you say the name of another place, you will be transported there immediately. You can always return by just saying the name of the place where you would like to return to. I'm sure you will put this to good use.

I'm the only CHOCOLATIER worthy of YOUR attention and the attention of all invited guests @ your masquerade. Open the box only when you have the time to really appreciate what it is to eat a TRUFFLE. This mouth-watering assortment of milk, dark and white chocolate truffles, including Extra Dark Chocolate, Hazelnut Praline, Double Chocolate Raspberry, Milk Chocolate, Dark Chocolate, Smooth Coconut, French Vanilla, Cappuccino, Strawberry, and Roasted Almond, comes in a golden box. (12.25 oz.)Kosher OU-D.I suggest you use the looking glass/crystal ball that you already received as gifts to visualize the signature box that ONLY I can present you with.

Happy Birthday,my chocolate- lover and lover of all things fine and decadent!

I am one of your teachers @YU/Stern wishing to present you with an ancient Jewish amulet-a written Kemaya. It promises protection,success in life and most importantly spiritual guidance . Happy Birthday! Who am I?

WHY wasn't I OFFICIALLY invited to this masquerade? Is it because I don't wear fine clothes and love sweets a bit much too much? Is my fee too high? I'm capable of making a match between you ,o wise Chana and some of the noble people you invited to your Birthday celebration. What's your pleasure?He shall be yours! Guaranteed!

He strides in, halting a moment to allow his powerful frame to fill the doorway while surveying the scene, momentarily permitting an I-know-the-secrets-of-the world expression to slowly spread across his face in the form of a partial smirk that curls left to right, revealing his single dimple before fading into its complacent and comfortable smile, a mystical and mysterious aura surrounding his shadowed figure. “Guardian” he whispers upon his name’s request, leisurely emerging from his silhouette to allow his crowned lion visage to materialize from the shadows as his elegant mane gracefully unfurls, vaguely resembling a cape of golden thread. His body announces “I am here” even as his lips remain still, sauntering socially about the room on his way to greet the host, his white-gloved left hand grasping the gift clinched in a closed fist, not clenched but clasped around an invisible orb.

Upon seeing the Lady in the distance, he slows his movements to a crawl, allowing each stride to complete its movement pointed firmly in her direction and, upon catching a gleam in the corner of her eye, subtly beckons her with his. Complying, she does the same, their simultaneous action gradually ebbing the flow of time to a trickle as their illustrious motions emit impact-waves that surge outward, enveloping the crowd as it enfolds each individual in its embrace and suspends them in an almost eternal trance.

He stops a moment before they could embrace, an infinitesimal space separating them from one another and, lowering his chin to whisper in her ear, softly articulates the Dragon’s secret blessing passed from ancient times through the chosen ones to be received upon entering their twentieth year of life, heralding a stage of growth and rebirth to come. “This,” he continues, “is the gift that accompanies the lore” as he places the tiny sphere into her cupped right hand where it immediately begins to expand even as he removes his right glove to places his hand on top of the steadily growing gift, carefully, deliberately avoiding any physical contact between them.

Instantly, the invisible sphere emits a blinding flash of light. In its wake, the chamber’s light seems dim, though enough to detect the sudden complete and all-encompassing absence of Guardian. The Dragon Lady immediately closes her right hand, grasping the orb, now back to its original marble-sized inertness though the pearly light-force is now held at bay by its polished exterior. What secrets, knowledge or ability it contains she is unsure, but with a heightened sense of awareness she senses it connects her to something else entirely.

I wish Mamesh the happiest of the happiest, deepest of the deep, holiest of holiest, precious of all precious, highest of highest, Gevald of gevalt,You should mamesh grow and grow in all aspects of life!

In honor of your Hebrew birthday tonight on the 24th of Tevet, I hereby present you with a gold plated Hebrew/English magical version of the 24 books of Tanach. When you touch the word of any pasuk, say the word "behar" in Vayikra 7:38, all pesukim using the same word (or shoresh of that word; it's up to you) will magically appear in the margin. When you touch that reference, you will be automatically transported to that pasuk.

There will be space on the bottom for you to write your notes. The space for your notes will increase or decrease depending on how much you write.

If you wish, you can use the typewriter option for the Tanach. No need for a physical typewriter, just type onto the table at which you are studying, and watch the words appear.

These notes will prove useful when you start delivering the comparative literature lectures you so passionately advocate for.

The Wizardly Maestro is announced wearing his finest tuxedo, and trusted conductor's wand highly polished for the ocassion.He is there for your pleasure to create exquisite music, blending to perfection to match your many moods. The custom compositions are preserved in a magical musical hologram that can be accessed by your brainwave or heartbeat - and is yours for all eternity.

The Olde Dancing Fool, quite possibly last, doth finally arriveShe's waiting for the dancing tunes, on which her footsies thriveModesty dressed in a decent-length skirt 10 inches from the floorShe'll neither trip and fall on face, nor show her knees or moreShe harmonizes quite out loud,which gives some folks the fitsBut says, "It's zevach l'Shem I sing, so why should I call it quits?"Her favorite verse in all Tanach is "Ivdu et HaShem b'Simchah"Her hope is someday to be Eim HaChattan at her own young man's simchah