Happiness is something nearly everyone wants more of.
Perhaps we don’t feel it often enough or strongly enough, or it seems to slip
through our fingers far too easily.

Many happiness seekers have read dozens of
articles, yet they don’t feel much closer to creating the happiness they desire
in their lives. If this sounds like you, don’t worry. Reading about the
practices that increase happiness is a great first step. But the key that you
may not have heard yet is this: To increase your happiness, you need a
strategic plan for action.

Making a plan for optimizing happiness
is more important than most people realize. But think about it: Would you bake
a cake without a recipe? Would you fix your transmission without the car
manual? Would you go on a journey into the wilderness without a map? We know,
intuitively, that a plan or guide or map—some kind of tool—makes it much easier
to effectively navigate new territory.

If long-term happiness is new territory for
you, then you need some kind of plan that maps out a strategy for reaching your
happiness goals.

How to
make an effective happiness plan

The best way to make progress toward a
happier life is by being strategic and focusing on the skills that you need to
learn. As an example, consider math skills. Say you are great at addition but
not so good at multiplication. It’s unlikely that practicing addition will make
you better at multiplication. To get better at multiplication, you need to
practice multiplication. And your math skills, as a whole, will not get much
better until you practice multiplication.

The same logic holds for happiness. It turns
out that happiness is not
something we find, or reach, or become—we learn happiness
skills, just as we would learn any other skill. Most likely you are already
really good at some happiness skills and not so good at others. For example,
you might already be great at gratitude, but not so good at empathy. By practicing gratitude, you are not likely to become
more empathic. So your happiness skills, as a whole, will improve more if you
spend your time practicing empathy, one of your weaknesses.

Some of the most effectivemental health
interventions rely on this well-supported and
commonsensical idea that if we are poor at a particular cognitive, behavioral,
or emotional skill, then we need to improve this skill to boost our mental
health. For some reason, the field of positive psychology rarely makes use of
this important insight. But it has been shown that turning your happiness
weaknesses into strengths means you will have
more skills and, as a result, greater happiness.

The field of learning science shows that
personalized learning approaches far outperform one-size-fits-all
approaches. A personalized approach can help you learn
skills that you’re weak at, skills you’re excited about, and skills that build
on each other in important ways. Personalized approaches result infaster, more
fun, and more effective learning because
they focus on your unique needs, interests, and abilities.

How do you figure out your happiness strengths
and weaknesses? Consider how well you demonstrate the following skills in your
daily life:

Positive thoughts about the self

·Acceptance: The ability to accept yourself
and your emotions non-judgmentally.

·Positive self-views: The ability to see
yourself as a good, worthwhile human being.

·Clarity: The ability to understand what you
value, how you feel, and who you are.

·Positive reappraisal: The ability to change
your thoughts in ways that help you experience longer-lasting, more intense, or
more frequent positive emotion.

Positive thoughts about others

·Rejection tolerance: The ability to perceive
the actions of others as inclusive rather than rejecting.

·Empathy: The ability to put yourself in
another person’s shoes and see the world from their perspective.

·Gratitude: The ability to be thankful for the
experiences and people you have in your life.

·Letting go: The ability to stop fretting and
ruminating about negative interpersonal situations.

Positive behaviors involving the self

·Planning: The ability to develop effective
strategies and take actions that progress you towards your goals.

·Growth mindset: The belief that your
strengths can be developed through hard work and dedication.

·Self-care: The ability to resist engaging in
unhealthy behaviors (drugs, alcohol, shopping, or overeating) as a means to
increase happiness.

·Prioritizing
positivity: The ability to make time for, and
consistently schedule, activities that you enjoy.

.

Positive behaviors involving others

·Kindness: The ability to be friendly,
generous, and considerate of others.

·Autonomy: The ability to resist the influence
of others, make your own independent decisions, and take action based on your
unique values.

·Expressivity: The ability to easily
communicate and share intimate aspects of yourself with others.

·Assertiveness: The ability to stand up for
yourself, speak up, and communicate your needs.

Once you know your happiness strengths and
weaknesses, choose just one skill that you believe is a weakness for you. It
may be obvious to you right away. If it’s not, think about whether you tend to
have more difficulty with thoughts versus behaviors, or self- vs. other-related
skills. Or, if you tend to be poor at all the skills focusing
on positive thoughts about the self, start by focusing on one of those.

It’s important not to try to develop too many
skills at once. If you focus on too many things, you’ll have a difficult time
making progress on any of them. But if you feel up to it, you can choose one
more skill that you think you would really enjoy practicing.
Maybe you have been meaning to prioritize positive activities, and you would
really love to spend more time doing fun things.

Once you have decided which skills to work
on, think about how and when you will practice. Plan to practice building these
skills at least a little bit every week for a few months—and see if you get a
happiness boost.

"Modern brain research puts us in touch with a far
more powerful understanding of the way that humans communicate than we’ve had
before. We are hard-wired to join up and communicate together through our
unconscious minds. Our evolutionary past necessitated this confluence of
communication, and we need to get in touch with it again in order to realize
the full power of influence an individual can have over a group."

- Power Cues, page 231

For
the past decade, my job has involved public speaking in a variety of forms.
Over the years, I have picked up tips on nonverbal cues to improve my ability
to deliver content but never so many aspects of communication and interaction
all in one place. Speaking coach Nick Morgan talks about using what he calls
power cues to make leadership more natural based on the way our brains read the
subtleties of communication. Gesture, voice resonance and tonality, the amount
of space you take up in a room, and storytelling can impact the influence you
have over your audience. It comes down to learning to control the nuances
of the communication dance to make it a little more elegant. The best speakers
make it look easy to engage on stage, show charisma and concern, and ignite
their followers with passion. In Power Cues, Morgan gives you tools
to dance the dance.

Each
chapter covers one of Morgan’s power cues, brain research behind it, how you
might apply it in your interactions with others, and field notes that sometimes
serve as a more in depth look at implementation.

The Golden Egg

Your Body Speaks to Me

"We
learn at a very early age that conversation is a pas de deux, a game that two
(or more) people play that involves breathing, winking, nodding, eye contact,
head tilts, hand gestures, and a whole series of subtle nonverbal signals that
help both parties communicate the with one another."- Power Cues, page 153

One
reason that our unconscious constantly reads the nonverbal cues of others goes
back to the idea of fight or flight. While survival is no longer at stake, our
brains still look for cues to identify friend or foe, who is in power, who is
aligned with us, and who might be telling the truth versus lying.
Unconsciously, we are always reading the people around us. Morgan identifies
this reading as our gut feeling or intuition.

From
the friend or foe perspective, friendly people will communicate with openness.
They’ll have wide, open eyes, turn their torso toward you, and use smiles and
nods. Conversely, someone that is disengaged communicates with crossed arms
that block the torso or bodies turned slightly away. Moving nearer someone
indicates friendliness or connection while moving away can indicate hostility
or simply that it’s time to end the conversation. People that are lying
tend to turn slightly away to create distance. More subtly, liars may have
their torso turned toward you but because they are trying to deceive you their
legs and feet may show what is really happening and be turned away.

Gem #1

Show Me to the Stage

"Few
of the places we speak have great sight lines, perfect acoustics, and
comfortable seating for the audience. We’re usually working with
less-than-prime conditions. So it helps to be ready for most of the
possibilities. In other words, be ready to answer the question, 'how will I use
this room to my advantage and work the crowd?' with minimal stress and
uncertainty."- Power Cues, page 168

While
only a fraction of communication happens from a stage, public speaking could be
the most important arena for some of the greatest influence that you have in
business. Morgan gives tips on how to prepare your message to connect with your
audience. He identifies four areas to keep in mind: influence, mimicry,activity,
and consistency. When you are asked to give a message, you have
some automatic influence because you have been identified as an expert on your
topic but it’s important to use your time to say what matters. There is power
in pauses, silence, and well thought out talking points. Mimicry is the act of
mirroring and getting your audience to mirror you. Giving the audience a word
or phrase to repeat is a way to build mimicry into your message. Activity
relates to the level of energy that you bring to the message and is often linked
to how easy it will be to get your audience to mimic you and show their
alignment. Consistency is controlling your emotions and energy throughout the
message or conversation. If something unexpected happens, it’s important not to
get flustered and let it throw off your words or body language. At the same
time, you should consider when to let your passion and energy flare up. A bit
of controlled inconsistency in that regard can have a huge impact.

Gem #2

Let Me Hear You Say It

"People
sort themselves out in terms of power very quickly after they meet, within
minutes and unconsciously, and they signal that power relationship to each
other with their low-frequency vocal patterns. It further shows that you can
shift the pattern if you can come on strong at the end or even work on your
vocal production to be powerful from the start."- Power Cues, page 126

One of
the most interesting and unexpected parts of the book was how sound, frequency,
and resonance could make a difference in leadership and communication. What
Morgan called a thin, nasally voice sounds weak. A thicker, deeper voice is
more acoustically pleasing; we want to listen to what that person has to say
because we align the sound with power. Breathing is a big part of voice. Morgan
says that most of us sit at a desk, which impedes proper breathing. If your
shoulders rise and fall, you aren’t filling your lungs properly. Rather, stand
up and take in a breath by expanding your belly outward and keeping your
shoulders still. Contract your abdominals as you exhale, pushing the breath
out. Practicing this type of breathing has health benefits and is the beginning
of finding your leadership voice.

Morgan
also reminds readers that eliminating speaking tics like over use of the catch
phrase “you know” or lots of “ums” helps develop a strong leadership voice.
Creating awareness of the tics is really the key. Videotaping yourself to count
your own tics or having someone watch you speak and count or point out the tics
are a couple of examples. If awareness isn’t enough, some people need the
incentive of donating to charity each time they let an “um” slip through.

While
I didn’t love the writing style of the author, I got a lot out of this book.
Regardless of how much your daily life or occupation requires you to deliver
messages to groups of people, we all constantly communicate with the people
around us. There’s no doubt that you can benefit from learning what power cues
will make your life as a leader easier and more natural

I've just
recently gotten into the rhythm of waking up at 5 a.m. While I'm not a morning person, getting up earlier helps me get a jump start on my day.

If you challenge yourself to get up just 30
minutes earlier it will help you kick start your day. It will also help
you at night. You'll be that much more ready for sleep in the
evening.

You'll also have gotten just a bit more
accomplished throughout your day. This will alleviate any bedtime brain
chatter/freak outs about the day ahead.

2. If you can, meditate or nap during the
day.

I used to assume that if I got some rest
during the day it would effect how quickly I would fall off to sleep at night.
Of course, if you take a two-hour nap this will change the time you go to bed.
That's also a pretty unrealistic request of any productive adult.

Optimally, we're looking to reduce your
stress throughout the day. That shouldn't take longer than a quick 20-minute
respite.

Ducking into a
conference room to close your eyes and enjoy some deep breathing can have a
lasting effect. Download HeadSpace APP to help with
guided meditation.

3. Remove the distractions to your goals.

This morning I noticed a large bag of Doritos
in our office cabinets. I joked with my colleague who brought the bag into the
office, and then gently requested that he take it home.

I'm not some
sort of health nut (well,
maybe), but I know that if it's near me, I'll want
to eat it. I love Doritos, but I also know that if I eat them, I'll feel
horrible. By removing the temptation altogether, I've effected positive dietary
change.

4. Tackle big tasks one baby step at a time.

Big projects loom constantly. The more we
think of the big deadline, or the volume of pages that need to be written, the
more discouraged we become.

By breaking down big tasks into little ones,
we break the inertia and move in a positive direction. Stock piling small wins
will build our confidence and stoke the fires of production.

5. Think about death more often. Yes,
seriously.

When we attempt to manage our time, and
accomplish more in shorter periods of time we're forced into the position where
we need to resolve that we won't waste time. This seems noble enough, except
that it doesn't work.

What does work
is if we increase
the scarcity of time. We can do this effectively if we set
serious time constraints. For example, challenging our minds to believe that
this year is your last year on earth. How productive would you be then?

It's also a fun way to live your life. When
you're deciding what to do next weekend for example, challenge yourself to
imagine it's your last weekend on earth. Thought of something? Great. Do that.

6. Choose better words.

Becoming more aware of the impact that your
words have on those around you, and yourself, can be a powerful change agent.
Opening a conversation with comments like "You look tired" or
"You look good for your age" can destroy your rapport with friends
and colleagues.

Travis
Bradberry, co-author of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and president at Talent Smart, suggests you start with
"Is everything OK?" or just state "You look great."
Bradberry stresses that some compliments don't need qualifiers.

7. Get new friends.

It's true that
you're the sum of the people you spend the most time with. If you surround
yourself with positive people who are pushing themselves to bigger and better
things, chances are you'll have a better time of effecting change in your own
life. Harvard
Business Review's Joseph Grenny says
this can be a potent way to trick your brain into long lasting change.

Bringing it all together.

If you want deep, long-lasting, positive
change in your life, you'll have to commit to at least a few of these
suggestions. Why not try out one or two? You'll enjoy the results.

“Mike,
I know you are a star player,” said the senior executive to his newest vice
president. “But there’s something I want you to think about.” He placed a
single sheet of paper on the table between them: a cartoon of two people in a
boat. One is bailing furiously as water pours in through a hole in the bottom,
while the other sits high up on the other end, saying, “Well, at least the hole
isn’t in my end.” After a brief pause, the CEO continued, “This is what is
actually happening when your group makes decisions without considering the
impact on the company as a whole. I know you trimmed customer support expenses
significantly last year. But now I hear we are losing customers because their
experience is not up to par. Does that make good business sense to you?”

The
particulars of this conversation are a composite of many examples I have seen
of great leaders creating “lightbulb” moments. The executive in this story did
not rely on facts alone to make his point. Instead, he offered a new frame for
what those facts meant. In my 20 years as an executive coach and advisor, I’ve
found that such “framing” is one of the common threads behind great leaders’
persuasive genius—both in formal presentations and one-on-one conversations.

Simply put, a frame is a lens for
interpreting events, a way of making sense of complex, messy experiences, so we
can communicate and take action.

As
Gail Fairhurst wrote in The
Power of Framing (Jossey-Bass, 2010), framing is
“defining the situation here and now in ways that connect with others.” The
good news is that it is a technique that anyone can learn.

First
described by linguists such as George
Lakoff, framing is referenced in a wide variety of
contexts, such as problem solving, negotiations, mass communications, and
political theory. Clay
Christensen, Matt Marx, and Howard Stevenson wrote inHarvard Business Review that when
groups share common frames or mental models, they are able to communicate and
take action more quickly than those who have to review every detail of a
situation or strategy. For example, if a team member says, “Let’s not get too
academic about this,” the group is likely to cut the conversation short and
move to a decision. Even a short phrase or a colorful image, such as, “Is the
competition eating our lunch?” can activate an entire world in the listener’s
mind. As Eric Ries has
said, when the CEO of a lean startup tells her
team it is time to “pivot,” the team recognizes a whole host of implied
actions. Frame a negotiation as “win-win” rather than “win-lose” and you are
likely to improve outcomes for all parties. Even more astonishing, the right
frames can actually prime us to be more intelligent. Malcolm Gladwell wrote in Blink (Little, Brown, 2005) about Dutch researchers who
found that thinking about yourself as a college professor for five minutes can
improve your score in a game of Trivial Pursuit by 30 percent compared with
your score if you picture yourself as a soccer hooligan for the same amount of
time.

Yet as powerful as frames are, they can also
create a box around our thinking—narrowing our options, limiting our
perspective, and ignoring critical aspects of the situation. Because they
simplify reality, frames inevitably highlight some factors and hide others. As
conditions shift, those hidden factors may contain important clues about risks
or new opportunities. For example, in my opening story, Mike was focused on
cutting expenses, and within the frame of being a “star player,” his actions
made perfect sense. But his boss recognized that Mike’s actions affected the
customer experience, the key driver of the company’s success, and within this
larger frame it became clear that Mike had to change course.

This is why great leaders look for empowering
frames and communicate them explicitly, to ensure others understand their
intent and interpret their actions through the new lens, rather than old
frames. For example, I met one leader whose collaborative efforts had been a
source of friction with his colleagues. According to their frames of “who owned
what,” he had been “encroaching” on their territory. But when he proactively
framed his actions as “sharing intelligence” about external competitive threats,
his outreach was viewed as a valuable aid.

Leaders also need to be inclusive in their
framing, describing a situation as neutrally as possible. If we ignore others’
frames or try to replace them, we are likely to spark conflict. Instead, a
frame that describes our shared experience as a “third story” can be
liberating. For example, a leader whose team had been in a conflict related to
a change initiative opened a meeting by saying, “The way I see it, we are
working on our airplane while we fly it. Does anyone else feel that way?” The
entire team laughed in recognition, tensions were diffused, and real work could
begin.

Finally, an empowering frame calls to mind
the magnitude of a goal and gives it meaning. “I believe it will take us 300
years to get to full sustainability as a society,” said one CEO. “Our goal is
to build a foundation for future generations.” This perspective gave his team
the staying power to persist on a very difficult goal.

Every conversation, every communication, and
every decision begins with a frame. When we provide a context that expands our
thinking, includes others, and gives meaning to our efforts, we help spark
creativity and insight in ourselves, our peers, and our leaders. Perhaps that
explains the old Disney company joke encouraging its animators and designers to
challenge a limiting frame:

“How many Imagineers does it take to change a
lightbulb?”

“Does it have to be a lightbulb?”

Elizabeth
Doty is a former lab fellow of Harvard University’sEdmond J. Safra Center for Ethics and founder of Leadership
Momentum, a consultancy that focuses on the practical
challenges of keeping organizational commitments.

1.Atlas ShruggedBy Ayn Rand

When Steve Wozniak wasinterviewedabout what influenced Steve Jobs in
the early days of building Apple, he mentioned that Atlas Shrugged was one of
the books that Jobs used as his guide to life & business.

Recommended
by: Tim Cook
Topic: Business, Economy, Productivity
One-sentence summary: “Time is now added to the other three critical factors in
order to remain competitiveness in the market – money, productivity, and
quality.”

Competing Against Time
is a book that Tim Cook passes out everywhere and makes it a recommendation for
all new hires at Apple to read.

3.Business AdventuresBy John Brooks

Recommended by: Warren
Buffet and Bill Gates
Topic: Business & Finance
One-sentence summary: “A classic story about the American corporate and
financial life.”

What do two of the
richest men in the world have in common? They love the writings of John
Brooks. Gates writes in his essay about Business Adventures: “Brooks
eschews ‘listicles’ and doesn’t ‘boil his work down into pat how-to lessons or
simplistic explanations for success.’ Instead, he tells entertaining stories
replete with richly drawn characters, setting them during heightened moments
within the world of commerce.”

Buffett’s classic
sayings, such as “you only find out who is swimming naked when the tide goes
out,” fits right into the style of Brooks writing as well.

4.InfluenceBy Robert Cialdini

Charlie Munger, Warren
Buffett’s partner in crime at Berkshire Hathaway, attributes Cialdini’s work as
having a big influence on his thinking process. His published work of the25 Cognitive
Biasesof humans was very much influenced by Cialdini’s work.

5.Life Is What You Make ItBy Peter Buffett

This autobiography
book by Peter Buffett, Warren Buffett’s son, shares the wisdom learned from his
family and his experiences. Here’s how Ted Turner, Media Icon and the Founder
of CNN, describes it: “With home-spun, heart-felt wisdom Peter Buffett
ponders how to make a meaningful life, while making a living.”

6. The Happiness HypothesisBy Jonathan Haidt

“This is probably the
book that’s made the biggest impact on my life over the past five years. The
author examines the beliefs about happiness of different cultures, religions
and philosophers from different periods, and then compares those beliefs with research
that’s been done on the science of happiness. The book is thought-provoking and
the concepts can be applied to business and to life.” – Tony
Hsieh (CEO of Zappos)

7.The Four AgreementsBy Don Miguel Ruiz

Recommended
by: Oprah Winfrey and Jack Dorsey
Topic: Spirituality, Life, Happiness
One-sentence summary: The book can be summarized in the following
four precepts:

1. Be Impeccable With
Your Word
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
3. Don’t Make Assumptions
4. Always Do Your Best

As Jack Dorsey is in
the process of running two publicly traded companies, Twitter and Square, he’s
forced to mature as a leader. Throughout his journey, he acknowledges The Four
Agreement as guiding him in the right path.

8. Self-RelianceBy Ralph Waldo Emerson

Recommended
by: Barack Obama
Topic: Individualism, non-conformity and independence
One-sentence summary: “Hold on to your own convictions, despite what society
and other people want you to believe.”

Self-Reliance is
what put Ralph Waldo Emerson on the map as one of the most influential poets
and philosophers of the 19th century. President Obama referenced this essay as
one of the most significant books to him in an email to Jon Meacham from
the New York Times, and even referenced the importance of self-reliance in
his 2008 election victory speech.

9.Autobiography Of Benjamin Franklin By Walter Isaacson

Elon Musk,
the Co-Founder of Paypal, Tesla Motors, and SpaceX, has said that Ben
Franklin isone of his heroes, and likely sees Franklin as the
type of American he himself would like to be and become: a combination of
statesman, inventor, and businessman.

“You can see how [Franklin] was an entrepreneur. He started from
nothing. He was just a runaway kid.” -Elon Musk

10. The Remains Of The Day By Kazuo Ishiguro

Recommended
by: Jeff Bezos
Topic: History, World War II, Life & Regret
One-sentence summary: “A compelling portrait of the perfect English butler
and of his fading, insular world postwar England.”

“Before reading it, I
didn’t think a perfect novel was possible. I’m always interested in things that
seem to be impossible, but are then achieved.” -Jeff Bezos

A mindset that
is mentally strong understands the importance of consistency and following a
pattern to attain those goals that will mark them for success.

Our mornings are important and you can attain
only so much during the day, by getting started right. Here are 10 things
mentally people do every morning.

1. They meditate.

From Russell Simmons to Oprah Winfrey, meditating seems to be a
morning ritual. Meditation helps you find your rhythm and be in touch with your
inner self.

2. They assess their emotions.

Mental strength is not about suppressing your emotions, but
actually knowing how to deal with them and being aware of your strengths and
weaknesses.

Mentally strong people assess their emotions and know what
thoughts and feelings help them become the best they can be.

3. They practice positive self-talk.

Before going out to face a world of busy-ness, they regulate
their inner drive by assuring themselves of how great they are and what they
can accomplish.

Mentally strong people use phrases like "I am great"
and "I will be super today." Such practice gets their minds to be
positive and stay focused on being the best they can be.

4. They reach out.

They reach out to those they care about and practice love. Love
helps you realize self-compassion and the need to be connected with others who
surround you.

5. They set healthy boundaries.

Reaching out doesn't mean they give out their power. They know
they have to be responsible for how they think, feel, and behave. And setting
healthy boundaries is one way they can maintain their identity.

6. They set goals.

They know what they want to accomplish for the day. They don't
dilly-dally. Rather, they are clear and focused on how they will spend their
day.

By setting goals during the morning, they can organize their
thoughts and prepare mentally for the day's activities.

7. They exercise.

Exercising and working out helps them build their minds and
remain physically fit. This is an opportunity to task themselves and know if
they can maintain a routine and improve their personalities as well.

8. They challenge themselves to become better.

They want to know what they need to work on and what could be
holding them back from growth.

Mentally strong people do not want to be stuck. Rather, they are
constantly looking for opportunities to become a better version of themselves.

9. They embrace joyful moments.

They know they can benefit from the unlimited powers of their
mind only if they practice expansive thinking. Mentally strong people are not
so hard on themselves.

If it is reading a book that makes them happy, they do it. If it
is listening to particular kind of music that excites them, they do it.

They don't limit their reach for being happy. Rather, they are
always willing to embrace joyful moments.

10. They hope for the best.

There is only so much you can do. That is why mentally strong
people look for the best in what they will face during the day.

They do not want to be brought down by energy-stealers. Rather,
they focus on the amazing possibilities that the day will offer them.