Posted
by
kdawson
on Sunday August 03, 2008 @06:54PM
from the any-color-as-long-as-it's-black dept.

Science News has a look at the latest paleontological fashion: what may be the remains of pigment in fossilized feathers 100 million years old. The material in question is believed to be black melanin, on the evidence of its similarity in scanning-microscope images to the modern pigment. The researchers are hopeful of identifying other varieties of melanin, which provide red or yellow coloration; and also possibly of spotting fossilized nanostructures of melanin that create iridescent patterns in some modern animals.

Yes. And, as Calvin's father [wikipedia.org] explained, old movies are in Black and White because back that's the way everything really was. We didn't start getting color movies, like The Wizard of Oz until color itself was invented.

So this could rule out purple and green dinosaurs, yellow protoceratops, and orange hadrosaurs. What next? You're going to tell me that dinosaurs didn't sing and dance with little children, were taller than 6' 2" and weren't overflowing with uncomfortable kindness?

Now we know what really killed the dinosaurs: Racism. That's right, Jim Crowasaurus was alive and well in the Mezozoic Era. The dinosaurs were a proud race of pigmented creatures that lived peacefully for 160 million years, until their genocide by racist mammals. Oh, sure, racist mammal scientists will claim that it was an asteroid impact or volcanoes that killed the dinosaurs, but it was really a concerted plot by the mammals to push dinosaurs into ghettos, then flood those ghettos with AIDS and crack cocaine. The racist mammal police always kept the dinosaurs down as well, profiling them on the basis of their pigmented leathery skin.

Now, how will we, as mammals, inheritors to a legacy of racism, atone for the crimes of our small furry ancestors? The only answer can be reparations to the dinosaurs. Given that our entire society is built on the horrors of the dinosaur genocide, I can only throw out a ballpark figure- say 100 trillion dollars- as small recompense for the atrocities of the past. As there are currently no dinosaurs to pay reparations to, I will humbly assume the burden of acting as custodian for this fund, only withdrawing maintenance fees as needed, and with the promise of paying out a fair share to any disadvantaged dinosaur who makes a claim.