What being a fat woman is really like.

Wednesday, 26 February 2014

So Cosmo posted an article titled 'What being a fat woman is really like.'It brought two proud plus size woman ( un-named. Not sure why) to speak as they put it 'frankly on sex, body image, the false assumption that they're unhealthy, and how it feels to be the target of derogatory comments.'You see their answers here but along with others bloggers I've taken the chance to the answer the questions from my point of view.

How do you feel when other
women around you complain about feeling/being fat?

It niggles me a bit as the majority of people who complain
are usually half my size. But I completely understand we all have body hang up
no matter what size or shape we are. I just try to give encouraging words and
give them a nod that their body is beautiful whatever size they are and that
they should feel confident.

How has your body image
changed since high school? College?

At the beginning of high school I was chubby, through puberty my body kinda stretched out and I went from round shaped to having hips, a
waist and boobs and a ass. My body from that hasn’t really changed though apart
from yo-yoing from a size 18 up to a 22/24. Saying that I can’t remember ever being below a
size 14.

Have you tried dieting? What
happened?

I was put on a diet at the
age of 11 by a dietitian, and it didn’t work then and doesn’t work now. I’ve
learnt it’s okay to eat bad but you also have to eat good. I hate the term
diet, there’s just way to many money grabbing gimmicks out there who encourage
people to survive of soup etc and it just doesn’t work. I eat to maintain my
weight not to gain or to intentionally loose I suppose.

Do you think in your case your
weight is partly or entirely genetic?

A bit of both. I follow my
mothers side of her family hands down. Some people even say I look more like my
grandparents child than my mother. We’re a big family, from my uncles to my mam
and nan but I know my weight gain was due to emotional eating from the age of 8
when my parents divorced. My relationship with food hasn’t always been a good
one like it is now, and I accept the fact I turned to food for comfort.

Do you consider yourself
healthy? Have there been instances where people assumed you were unhealthy?

I consider myself healthy. I
walk at least 40 mins during my commute to and from work and never feel tired
from it or out of breath. I rarely visit the doctors or rely on the medication
from day to day. I can swim 20 lengths no problem. I just hate how if I get the
slightest cold, it’s an automatic reason for my weight and size to be brought
up. I admit I could probably do more exercise, not to be healthy though, but
because I enjoy it and the endorphin's that pump through your body after.

Are your parents both
supportive of you at the weight you're at? Have they always been?

My dad has always had issues
with my weight and size. He’s always been skinny and he’s always been active.
Even at 50 odd years of age he goes to the gym daily. He was the person to take
me to the dietitian when I was 11, he makes little remarks at how I could start
swimming again and the weight would drop off me. I do however think he’s learnt
to accept I am actually genuinely happy the size I am. My mum has been large
for as long as I can remember. I think she’s my biggest critic though. I love
to dress up and wear what I want and she’s always been critical of it. Even
more so now she’s lost nearly 5 stone on slimming world. I think they are happy
that I’m happy but to them I can always loose a bit of weight.

How do you think retailers can
improve clothes for plus-size people?

By listening and investing.
Listening to their customer base, and investing education and time in to cut,
fit and detail. Admittedly listening to their customers is something some plus
size retailers are good at for the moment. I just find there’s still the same
problem with sizing and fit and cuts that they still seem to not invest time in
to

Do you think plus-size women
are judged differently than plus-sized men are? How?

This is a tough question. I
think men face the same pressures as women definitely. But I think it is more
acceptable for a man to be bigger. I think where as men don’t necessarily judge
one another, women judge themselves and other women around them. I find it
difficult to write from a man’s perspective as the plus size men I know don’t
feel pressured at all to be smaller.

Do you think there’s an
assumption made/stereotype that exists about plus-size people? How would you
respond to it?

Yes most definitely. Your fat
= your unhealthy. Your fat = your easy. Your Fat = your lazy. Your fat = your
standards are lower. There’s so much assumption and stereotype towards a plus
size person. I can tell you now, I’m so much more fussier than my mates with
men that my standards can’t be reached by anyone (hence why I'm still single). I am certainly not easy and
as for being lazy, yeah I have my lazy days as much as anyone else.

Do you think there’s ever a
right way or time to express concern about someone’s weight?

Of course not. I mean I hate
when my doctor sits me down and discusses it. For me personally if someone was
to express their concern about my weight I’d tell them to be more concerned
about themselves. When I find concern with my weight that’s when I’ll deal with
it.

What are the worst things
people have said to you about your body?

When I was younger I got
bullied badly. To the point I used to ‘be ill’ and not turn up to school. I was
taunted and told how ugly I was every day. In my childhood I couldn't really
cope with it but when people speak negatively of me now I’m a much stronger
person to ignore it. It’s those who have the problem not me.

The main thing I hate that people bring up ever about my body is my bad scared skin on my face. That's what breaks me down. My size and body shape is something I feel confident and extremely happy with, but when it comes to my bad skin I hate it.

How did you respond?
When I was a child I used to hide away. I had the ultimate satisfaction years
down the line, still fat, and having those bullies come up to me to say sorry
for basically ruining my life. I think my confidence and how strong I become
made them realise they hadn't affected me as much as they probably would of
hoped.

What have people said (or do you wish they’d say) that
would compliment your body or appearance?

I have nothing but compliments about my body. Thanks to being part of an
amazing group of people in the plus size community I feel confident whenever
we meet. Whether it’s an outfit compliment or how nice my figure is. I also get the daily compliment about my bum from my boss (female don’t worry.) She’s been
a lady I've admired for years so for her to compliment (and be jealous) of some
part of my body is huge for me (nearly as big as my bum ;) )

Do you find yourself hanging out with women who are closer
to your size?

To be honest, my friends back home are all skinnier than me,
and it’s not affected our friendship. I’d say it was only until last year when
I first moved to London did I begin to have people in my friendship group
closer to my size.

How has your weight affected
your sex life, if at all?

It hasn't. I still have sex as freely as anyone else. My size does give a
certain group of men some sort of idea that I’m easy and I’ll automatically
sleep with them. Unfortunately this group of men also can’t take rejection. I’ve
had a lot of stick for turning men down. They have some sort of idea in their head because I'm fat that I should take what I'm given UH PLEASEE!

When you've been single, has your weight affected your dating life?

Hmm It’s a difficult one. I’ve
never been in love, neither had I had a very long term relationship. But my
weight definitely has not been a factor of that. I’ve had boyfriends but it
hasn’t worked because of other reasons. I’m currently single and I date more
than my smaller friends back home and my weight has never been a factor or
issue doing this.

Do you feel weird if the guy
you’re with only dates larger women?

If that’s their preference fine. I just can’t deal with sleazy men and who unfortunately
due to the pornification (not sure that’s a word) of the term BBW, there’s
plenty of men who view plus woman as a fetish. I am not a fetish and neither is
my size. If a man finds me attractive coz I’m big fine, but for me I need to
have more of a connection other than thatDo you feel weird if he's only dated slimmer women before you?

Not at all. Like I said it’s
all about preference and connection. If I had a connection with that guy and he
with me then that’s the reason we’re dating. For me size doesn’t come in to my
relationships. I like to connect with people with same music tastes and
interests rather than judging on size.

4 comments

I know how you feel i.e the parental unacceptance. For years I was given the idea by both my parents that love was conditional. "No-one will love you if you are as big as a house", and many more abusive statements that still haunt me to this day. I find when most people criticize me, they really are judging themselves. They hate themselves in some way. I'm so happy to see that you are happy regardless of any judgement they make. :)