Monday, March 12, 2012

Celebrating The Life Of A Great Man....

As you all know Marco passed away in Hesperia at my parents home. Just where he wanted to be, at home. All of the family was right there, helping bring down his fevers and making sure he was comfortable at all times. We held his hand and kissed him every moment we could. Till the end Marco had a great big hug for me and told me several times before he passed that he would miss us and loved us. He passed away very peacefully and for that I was so greatful that he didn't suffer too much at the end.

The kids and I miss him terribly and feel like he has gone on a two day fishing trip and is running late and he will be walking thru the front door anytime. But soon the reality hits and we are devasted to reawake to our reality, but we remember what Marco said not to cry we will be ok. He will always be right there for us no matter what.

We would like to thank everyone who came to celebrate Marco's life with us. I was amazing to see how many people were touched by Marco and how he made a difference in their lives. There were a lot of family and friends and then there were the ones whom we would hear Marco speak of but never met. It was nice to place a face with a name. The stories that everyone shared with the kids and myself were just what Marco knew would happen and wanted to happen.

Marco put a lot of love and time into planning out what he wanted for his funeral service. Marco the kids and I spent a lot time preparing for the celebration of life. We wanted to let Marco shine through the service and not focus on the disease. He said to much time had already been spent on that to dwell on it. Having to do all the running around and getting stuff done while he was alive was the cruelest thing I have had to do in my life. No one wants to have that task. But it brought us even closer together than we were.

There were tears of joy and tears of heartbreak that we had to deal with weeks before Marco passed away. But he made sure to let us know that it would be alright, we would miss him and be devastated for awhile but in the end we would all be okay. We would all spend quality time with him and he would always remind us that he and we would all be okay and we believed him.

Thank you again to all for all your well wishes and support throughout this time. We love you all!

5 comments:

Yes it was heartbreaking. I did breathe. And then took a few more breathes. Then the tears flowed uncontrollably. Unable to be stopped. I prayed that you could not see me through skype. I do not think I could have controlled myself. But I told myself that you could not see me on the screen. Then after my heart was exhausted of the tears, my head let me see a little of the video.

Marco was so excited!It was 11:45pm and after working on the video for many days, you were done with the video. He couldn't wait till morning. So there I stood in the wee hours of the morning looking at the video in my kitchen,I was a mess.

He was so excited. What do you think Vero? he said. Am I missing anyone? How does the music sound? Is it flowing?

It was beautiful. I felt.... Heartbroken and happy. Happy that he was so happy with the video. But heartbroken that we all were preparing for his absence. Unbelieveable!!!!

He was tripping out that he was able to see what his Celebration of Life would look like. He said that most people did not get to plan these details. He was happy.

And as heartwrenching and it was to see the video. After I saw the edited video for the second time, there were less tears and more laughter. My heart was able to hear more of the happiness in their voices as the reminisced about the adventures in the beautiful photos and less of the heartbreak. The third time I saw more of the details in the video. I am not to say that it ever was easy. but I am saying that even that moment he enjoyed and embraced it all.

It was an amazing honor to have shared a bit into the planning of this beautiful "Celebration of Life". I said from the begining. This is no ordinary man and his despedida (Goodbye)has to be worthy of him. So I set off all across southern California to look for a worthy place. SkyRose Chapel... A Majestic Place ... was perfect! Worthy of Marco's Despedida!

I want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to be part of one of the pages in the scrapbook. It took me 2 1/2 hours to realize what I had in front of me. The truth was that at the begening it represented the pain and desperation that I imagine you were going through every hour, every day,every night. It will be 1, 2, or 3 in the morning when I will check for the last time before I went to bed and saw time after time that your light was still on, It ment nothing but pain to me. I wanted to help so despertly and I just stood there knowing that I could not interrupt. the scrapbook finally help me see. I look at a picture that had been in front of me for the last 2 1/4 hours (while I kept looking at the beautiful work that you were creating) and realized, this was something beautiful! It represented Marco's life. nothing but beautiful pictures along with the memories, and my heart smiled. The celebration of his life was beautiful, it did him justice. What an honor to have loved him as a son. I miss him too. Love you! and I love you Marco!

It was an amazing service. I am proud to know that Marco was a great influence on soo many people around him. As was said at the service, he is a hero. He was there for anything and everything you could possibly need. Never had an issue for those of us that always liked to tag along on those trips to the store, or the time some of us went night fishing at the lake and I learned what bats look and sound like. The faces and dances that used to make you laugh.. and just being around him. I used to love just being around him, even if it was just sitting at the computer next to him. Or helping with a random project in the garage. Running cable throughout the house for those movie nights where the whole house would shake from the bass! He truly is the man, and will be missed terribly. Marco, man, its a lot harder to keep it together than you would think... You are such a great person with so much respect from those around you that its hard to say that it will be alright. We all hurt so much because you're gone, and I know it seems selfish, but you're such a great man, our loss is gigantic. You had such a great personality and charm with everyone that we will never let you go. Our children will grow up knowing the man, the myth, the legend! The man that brought so much happiness to those around him and that we were honored to call our family! Thank you Marco. We love you.

Lookin' Good Marcito! Lookin' Good! Hoping the tears lessen. Kept having images of Marcito dancin' and singing today like he would when he was being silly. Really need a talk from him right about now. A good pep talk to keep my mind working around his words. Wish me luck, See ya tomorrow.

So it seems like everything in this nation is a constant reminder of Marcito. People I see..make me look twice or stare. Voices or things I hear...make me laugh inside and smile, while swallowing hard and blinking a whole lot. Surrounded by all sorts of knowledge and ..fishing ..sea fishing..keeps coming up. I guess I'm susceptible to it...but it is truly a little much at times. How can all these people be such constant reminders. Then movies.... Made the mistake of watching 50/50 the other day..FML! I thought...I got this. Heard the word sarcoma and didn't want to watch it anymore, but of course forced myself because...it's just a movie! Right? ...nope. I had a lady in a drive thru ask about the beast of a crow I have for Marcito...and even though I see it and curse it everyday I forgot it was there when she asked. I felt stunned. Momentarily in a state of stupid. She asked again. And for another second I didn't know how to respond. It was the first time I told a total stranger that he was taken from us. And then I just explained its purpose. And I could hear myself thinking why does she care. Then she mentioned her grandpa got cancer and died and she hadn't heard of cancer for a while. I left that drive thru thinking wtf just happened...as tears started to roll down my face. I used to think oh old people get cancer..life wasters get cancer...I will not understand cancer it's just a crappy occurrence. I used to think like that girl in the drive thru. And I guess knowing a perfect life that should have been spared, a guy who did and still does so much for us should not have been the topic in the freakin drive thru just bewilders my mind. I don't want to ignore all the floods of memories i get..like hearing Metallica and remembering how that was work music for him. Like going to a food place and stopping when I think ... Marco would love this place. I think...can people see I'm trippin? Or can they see my eyes...blink faster! Haha many emotions I was able to suppress have gone out the window the last five years. THANKS A LOT MARCITO! I blame you for this weakness I can't control. Weakness used to be between 615-700am and 345-430pm weekdays. Or after phone calls or visits on weekends. Now...who knows when since you are constantly popping in my head. And yes writing to marco is a little odd..but it's odd-er to speak outloud. Yes, I do that too. Miss ya. Hate knowing I won't be going home to tell you my stories and how everything went and what I got you. Or how many things I put back because you probably wouldn't like it. Or just hearing you ask..how'd it go?

Nay and Matthew........Tomorrow will be a challenge, but your education is a priority. Focus on your day and that as the day continues it is that much sooner that you will be home. Remember people care and are curious because they don't know what to say or ask. Have a couple lines ready to cut a Convo...and avoid the crazies. Love you guys. Oh yeah..if its too much to handle... PHONE HOME!

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What is Soft-Tissue Sarcoma?

Soft tissue sarcomas are cancerous tumors that originate in the soft tissues of the body.

These tissues include muscle, fat, blood vessels, nerves, tendons and the lining of the joints. Marco's sarcoma started off as a tumor in his calf muscle in December 2007. The tumor was surgically removed, then treated with radiation.

The cancer later spread to his lung area, the tumors were also surgically removed, his body treated with chemo. He had three more tumors in his lungs, which they tried to shrink down with chemo.

Doctors had ruled out any more surgeries after chemo but they finally agreed.

On March 15, 2010 they removed the three tumors from his lungs, a section of the lung and diaphragm and three sections of ribs. Marco was in intensive care for over a week fighting an infection.

A CT scan showed worrisome signs that the cancer was back and it was confirmed with a PET scan.

Marco went through the maximum number of chemos to try to shrink that tumor. The tumor was not being responsive to the chemo in the shoulder area and there was a new tumor discovered near the aorta that was showing some response.

On Jan 15, 2011 Marco started 6 weeks of radiation aimed at his chest area, 5 days a week 30 min a day before surgery options were put on the table again.

After much debate, surgery was completed March 28, 2011. Marco underwent a painful recovery at home, only to discover over the Labor Day weekend that the sarcoma has spread to his brain.

Marco had brain surgery September 2011 to have the brain tumor removed. He also completed radiation to the operated area. On October 2011, Marco exhausted all of his treatment options at City of Hope. Marco entered home hospice care.

On March 3, 2012, Marco passed away at home surrounded by his family. You can read the posts and archive to read his story.