A life of conversion. One prayer at a time.

Who’s Turning the Pages

On this day, last year, I was in the middle of CatholicMom’s Lawn Chair Catechism Series. For today’s Throw Back Thursday, I thought it would be good to reflect on where I was just a year ago.

The question I tackled was this one:

In your own faith: To believe in a personal God is to believe that God truly will meet us in prayer. It can be difficult to evangelize when we ourselves are going through a “dry spell”, or struggling with some spiritual question. Do you have difficulty trusting that God will show himself to those who do not yet possess the faith?

Absolutely not. When I first answered this, I wasn’t completely transparent about the subtle nuances and struggles affecting my unequally yoked marriage.

It was my husband I was talking about when I said I was “little flowering” it. For me, that meant focusing on my love for God and resting in the comfort of knowing that everything else would flow from that. More concretely, this meant showing kindness, forgiveness and mercy no matter what was going on in my life. This was hard. I lacked the confidence to share my faith openly in my home. I wasn’t familiar with how comfortable my husband would be. That was a really long process. It’s not that my husband was flagrantly adamant that I not talk about faith or God at home. This was all me.

As my first vocation is wife and mother, I wanted to be true to that God-given vocation and love my husband through this metamorphosis. I wanted him to feel confident knowing that I wasn’t going to smack him with a bible every morning (I do keep scapulars under his mattress and Sts. Michael and Christopher medals in his work bag – thank goodness for hidden pockets!).

This transition on both our parts, this growing, if you will, happens in every marriage whether it’s faith based, there’s a career change, a new baby, a parent moves in, you name it. The point is, to allow God to be there with you. Once you let go and realize that there’s really three parts to your marriage: you, your spouse and God (talk about a Trinity!) you can lean into uncomfortable conversations knowing full well that you’ve got back up. I am still the only bible my husband reads and that’s really ok, I know that God is there, turning the pages for him.

Where were you this time last year? What were you thinking, feeling, seeing and being? Share with us in the comments.

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4 thoughts on “Who’s Turning the Pages”

The “where were you last year?” question stumped me so I visited my blogs. That led me to two things, and interestingly enough one has a (quasi) Catholic tie-in. One thing I wrote at this time last year was about “retiring” from my acolyte career at my Episcopal church. By that time I had been taking my in laws to their (Catholic) church every week and it was getting cumbersome to get a relief driver for them in order to fulfill my acolyte responsibilities. But I loved acolyting — it gives you such a different sense of the service to be part of it (in my opinion). Here’s what I wrote at the time: http://biggreenpen.com/2013/07/14/blowing-out-the-flame-for-now/ . I had also just started running for Gareth, a young man with MCAD ( a mitochondrial disorder ) through http://www.whoirun4.com. I love being in partnership with his family by running for him and therefore (hopefully!) encouraging him. Thank you as always for your candor. Sending support your way!

I SO get this line, “I lacked the confidence to share my faith openly in my home.” That was how I felt before my husband left suddenly. Now, I am free to share my faith with my 5 boys! Even when bad things happen, God is Good!

I love that you are the Bible and God is turning the pages for him – beautiful!

Hello, my name is Cristina. I am a working mother, wife and Catholic convert living an unequally yoked marriage. I am also a writer and social media addict. Sound like I have my hands full? They are, so it helps that I make the best faith cocktails around: equal parts faith, humor and charity. Stick around, I may just surprise ya.