Broken Heart

“I checked youIf it’s already been done, undo itIt takes twoIt’s up to me and you to prove it

On the rainy nights, even the coldest daysYou’re moments ago but seconds awayThe principal of nature, it’s true but It’s a cruel world

We can play it safe or play it coolFollow the leader or make up all the rulesWhatever you want, the choice is yoursSo choose”

With a deep sigh I turn off the car radio. The song Heavy Cross of the band Gossip I know by now. At first I was happy, it made me think of him. It gave me butterflies, but now …

He, him, that guy, I had already given him so many names, even bad ones like jerk, motherfucker, asshole, etc. Anything else other than his name, that still hurts too much. I had removed his number from my phone so I wouldn’t ask him in a melancholy mood why it had to be like this between us, not that I would get an answer, but still. A few months ago it was fun, I met him in a chat room and we quickly got talking. Even before I realised it, he was under my skin and he did more to me than I ever let him know. He, in return, made it clear that he wanted me and before I knew it I was in an emotional affair with a man I had never seen in real life. We exchanged photos and everything seemed nice until a week ago. Radio silence resulted in me firing questioning texts at him, but all I got was one explanation. He could not tell me anything, because it has been so hard on him, he was in bits, his head was all over the place! What about me? Then after many more texts of support from me, he text, I got divorced.

I had once seen a picture of his wife and had the vague idea of ​​knowing her. We lived in each others neighbourhood and because of my work as a second-hand (temp?)I went to quite a few places and employers. After deleting my messages from him that day, I started scrolling through the pictures he’d sent, again I saw her. She was beautiful, beautiful blue eyes looked at me, long blond hair hung loosely over her shoulders, and the sweetest smile looked at me. I remember thinking at that time, that I didn’t understand why he would have wanted me, when he had such a beautiful woman at home? “We’ve got such a deep connection” he said. Was it because I was in love with him or just naive, because I believed him. The second I deleted the photo’s, it occurred to me, I knew her! I tried in vain to get her photo back to know for sure, but gone was gone and I was left feeling confused.

I looked at my watch, another five minutes. I felt more nervous, doubting myself. Could I do this? The voice in my head immediately declared me crazy, of course you can! That he treated you like that was not very ‘fair’ either? And of course, I was allowed to have some fun after the last few days. Those days had been hell and the only person who made it more bearable would find me here in this deserted car park spot in five minutes. I looked nervously at my watch again, three minutes. I sighed again deeply.

A black Volkswagen Golf enters the car park and I hold my breath, his car! How? What? A quick look in the mirror assures me that I look good, lightly made dark-grey eyes look at me, I press my lips together again to make sure that my cherry red lipstick is still in place. A look at my cleavage makes me smile “you never disappoint me,” I chuckle softly. Two short taps on the window of the car briefly stop my heart. The door opens and I see her blonde braid resting on her breasts while she looks at me defiantly. “Hey, sexy!” She laughs as she sits next to me in the car. She closes the door with a big bang and even before she can settle down my mouth is already on hers. I look at her questioningly, and before I can do anything myself she kisses me back. She tastes deliciously sweet, did she just eat a licorice? I kiss her greedily back and before I know her hands are everywhere. I feel her hand slowly slide up my leg towards my crotch. Thank God I put on a dress tonight, so she can easily go anywhere she likes. Her goal is clear, however, that leaves little to be guessed at. She slips her little fingers skillfully over my satin panties and under. I lower my head and close my eyes. She keeps kissing me as she slowly brings me to my climax. Pantingly I try to seek support from the steering wheel and the seat. I quiver in her hands, while my orgasm is slowly taking over me, her blond hair tickles my face. “I thought you had no experience with this” I manage to ask her softly, half moaning and impressed by my orgasm. Laughing, she drops into the passenger seat, genuinely amused eyes look at me. “Oh sweetie, if you’ve been married to a man like mine for as many years as I have, you quickly learn your own female boby” I start to blush. “And besides, after the first time he cheated, I started to throw myself on women. What else could he do? “Surprised, I looked at her” you knew about it? “She looks at me self-assuredly” Of course I know! Not with who or how many, but as a woman you know something like that” I try not to look too guilty and because I do not know what to do I kiss her. My hand glides towards her breast, but she stops me “Chris needs his car to go to work, but I had to see you.” She gives me another great kiss, and she makes a move to leave.

Before she gets out, she turns to me for a moment. “Will I see you at the management meeting tomorrow?” I smile at her “I will be there” I answer. “Well then, we must do a follow-up discussion in my office” then she’s gone, with a cheeky smile a big wink. I see her slender body walk to the Volkswagen Golf, she confidently steps in and waves at me for as she drives down the park. I let myself fall backwards in my chair, put my hands on the steering wheel and sigh again. “So his real name is Chris” I whisper softly as tears gently roll down my cheek.