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Ode to the dumbs

10:06 PM

We all met at least one person coming with stupid comments or questions, be it a relative, an acquaintance or a total stranger. Yes you know the type that will ask you if you are pregnant when you are waddling around in a store all heavy of 35 weeks of gestation. Or the person that will ask you why you are doing a certain obvious thing? Know what I’m talking about? Yes that’s the one, the dumb one, the one who seem to never have read the instruction on using their brain. We all know or not really know but met such persons right?

Well ladies and gents, I present you a strong World Championship contender, she lives in my building and I mentioned her in my “Free Spirit” entry already, she is the lady without kids that insist on watching every steps Ishita makes, and asked about a few skin marks, among other thing. What is the most disturbing though, is not her asking me these questions, nope it’s her asking them EVERY single time we met (which is everyday). But if it stopped there I would just let it pass, but for the past 3 months, there hasn’t been a day this lady hasn’t asked how old Ishita is, or if she is going to school already…darn bite me, or this lady is showing signs of premature Alzheimer (she is younger than me), or she doesn’t really care about the answer, or she is seriously dumb…a miracle she remembers my daughter’s name in the span of 24 hours I say, because seriously if she can’t remember that no she doesn’t go to school, then what are the odds of her remembering the name?

Here is the questions she ask me on a daily basis, the answer I keep giving, and oh boy the one I wish I could just launch at her, knowing that sadly she would not even get the sarcasm in them:

1) How old is she? Me replying “She is turning 2 this July” but really itching to say “Why I’m glad you asked, she just turned 100 year old yesterday”

2) Does she goes to school yet? Me saying “Nope she is too little” but really wanting to say “She already has 2 Harvard degree, went to Cambridge and graduated 5 times, I guess she is fully covered in the academics department don’t you think?”

3) What does she eat in general? My reply “Everything we eat” but really restraining myself not to say “Why we feed her food, but we are slowly introducing gravel and toxic waste into her diet”

4) Does she likes food? Me : “Yes she does, especially pasta and fruits” but come on wouldn’t it be nice to just reply “No she hates food but boy you should see her go and eat the dog poops”.

5) Does she like carrots? You have to feed her carrots? Me saying “She truly hates carrots with passion, but she loves tomatoes” and me thinking “If you bring the topic of carrots one more time I swear I’m going to shove a truck load of them down your throat…asking once, fine, but seriously you can’t remember the ONE think I told you my daughter wont eat, how dense are you?

6) Does she understand French? “Yes she does” but secretly wanting to answer “Why I’m glad you asked, because no she doesn’t, she understand Cantonese though, a pity that neither me or my husband speak it”…I mean HELLO if I tell her bring the ball and she brings it, that means she understands it, why ask that every single freaking day?

7) When does she usually wake up? Me : “6 am without a fail every morning” No secret answer, but a serious urge to shake the crap out of the lady for asking me the same idiotic question every single day and then ask “So at what time did she wake up today” to which I reply coldly “6” and to which she replies with a question again “Does she do that everyday?” ….me taking a big breath because I thought we clarified that point just 30 seconds before and reply very coldly “YEAH”

Then along the same line of daily questions there is the hair clip thing, the what time does she usually go to bed, the why isn’t she napping in the afternoon and why does she nap in the morning.

And of course there are the not so daily occurrence questions, that are all equally stupid and irritating such as:

“Why does she want to go on the swing?” …ask her she probably knows better than me why ”Why is she wanting to be carried by you right now”…um let me develop a mind reading ability and I’ll get back to you ”Why is she not giving me the toy”…clearly because she doesn’t want to entrust YOU with her beloved toy lady! ”Why does she want to play with sand, it’s dirty”…because sand is fun, isn’t it?

Or today seeing clearly that Ishi was carrying a plastic flower and asking ME “What is she holding in her hand” I actually ignored the question 5 times hoping she would use her brain and recognize the object in her hand, as it was a real no brainer, but her to ask the question one more time! And me to answer “A flower” cold, brief and sharp with a tone strongly suggesting that I was not going to play this question game and that she better leave, and her not taking the hint, as dense as she must be and ask “Why is she holding a flower?” Me answering “She likes it” on the same warning tone, but seriously wondering if I should not have asked her “Why would you prefer her to carry an automatic rifle to the playground?”

And now I give you the icing on the cake, if her questions where not already enough, she insist on trying to cross me or beat me to the punch in every single situations regarding Ishita: making horrible shrieks of panic every time Ishi barely sway on her feet, or when she climbs the monkey bar, or decide to throw herself on the ground, or is attempting to climb the stairs on her own. And of course as her mom I am clearly not in charge and she must shadow (and I mean she is 5 inches behind me) my every steps, she has been even pushing me out of the way to be the one holding my daughter’s hand while she goes down the slide, and even once asked me why Ishi was refusing to hold her hand and still waiting for MINE….ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHH Do I need to explain it? I mean isn’t it obvious that I’m the MOTHER here and that she trust me? I mean come on! If you have the choice between having your own mom holding your hand or the hand of a deranged lady who just pushed mommy out of the day to be the one to get to do the honour…which hand would you choose? And today I almost blew up, Ishi was on the swing, and I was pushing her and she was giggling and having a blast, and we were both happy, until that idiotic lady came behind me, stepped beside me and hold the chain to slow down the swing, telling me that she is going too fast! And then ask me why my daughter is whining and refusing to go off the swing! looked at the lady straight in the eye and very sharply said “She was having FUN, with ME, and YOU stopped her” And of course you would think that if all the other previous cold sharp answers didn’t deter her, this one would but no, she kept shadowing me for a solid 20 minutes afterward, and I kept ignoring her while even Ishita was giving her cold stares, and then finally she left, only to return 5 minutes later with another mom and kid, and tried hard to fit in.

I am at loss with that one, she seems to be quite basket case, she claims to be a preschool teacher, she still lives with her parent and isn’t married, but I have my doubts about her profession, if she is a teacher, then it is scary and it seems unsafe to have her supervise kids, if she can’t even remember what age one child she sees everyday in her building, what else does she let slip in school? And while we are at it, if you spend your day being a teacher to 30 pre-schooler, would you hang out at a kiddie playground after working hours? I sadly think that she might be lacking a little in the intelligence department, but that it isn’t really what her problem is, I have the nagging feeling she is aching for a child on her own, so much so that she goes to the playground to pretend, and doesn’t even seem to care or think that her snatching kids out of their mom’s grasp and try to play with them and feed them. But then my intuition keeps telling me that this lady isn’t safe, a few time she asked me if she could stay down with Ishita alone while I should go home and take rest, or just go ahead and go to the supermarket but leave my daughter with her, there is something not normal about her behaviour, and even Ishita is apprehensive about her and try to avoid her.

In conclusion, yes she is a bit of dumb, but that doesn’t make her inoffensive, and I wish I could really find a solid way to get her to stop her mindless ridiculous question game, and just leave me alone. Is there a tactful polite way to do so?

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comments

Being left-handed is a novelty in India because the Indian middle class family usually tries to change the toddler from being left-handed to being right-handed as it is considered inauspicious to be left handed.

And so the dumbest question I have had people ask me all the time is if I am left-handed... Duh! Why else would I be eating/writing/doing something using my left hand?

The question is accompanied by an expression of wonder if I am caught writing / doing something with my left-hand, because it is rare to find girls being left-handed in India !!! The same question is accompanied by an expression of disgust if I am caught eating with my left-hand : as apparently I am using the wrong hand to feed myself!!!

Indians interfere way too much into another's life giving unnecessary advice!

I think until the 50's or so it was considered bad to write with the left hand in Switzerland too, in old ages lefties were apparently bearing the sign of the devil or something. My grand ma is a lefty, she does everything with the left exept writing whcih she does with the right.

I'm far more quirky because I'm ambidextrous, I can use the left or right hand equally, I don't write as fast using my left hand but my handwritting is pretty similar using the left as I use the right. There a lot of things I do during which I change hands even during the task itself, for example when I'm cooking I might start stirring the pot with my right and, but if I need to grasp something else like a spice pot on my right, I switch the spoon to the left hand and continue stirring. It had a friend actually ask me if I was a leftie or not because she was watching me cook and I was sometimes pouring water with the left, and then with the right, and always switching hands :)

Just recently I gifted the game "Jenga" to my husband for Christmas and we were playing when my mom was there, and DH suddenly noticed i was actually plaing with my left hand, my reason was "Well yeah I'm seated on the left of that tower, it's easier to remove the blocks like this"My mom actually speculate that I write with my right and handle certain toold with my right hand simpl because we live in a society that favours right handed people (the majority) but that would have a teacher told me that no you hold a pen with the left and twist your wrist to write I would have done it :)

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