Survivor: Cook Islands Mutiny Manifest (12/17) – Brains Over Brawn

Welcome to this Survivor season’s final edition of the Mutiny Manifest, where I am going to take a brief look back on this season’s strategies and how badly I interpreted the outcome of the show. Actually, I wasn’t that far off, but we’ll get to that later.

This was a pretty average season of Survivor in my opinion. I’m glad for one thing, and that is that the immunity idol really had a bigger part in the strategizing this year. Yul really used his possession of the idol to his and Aitu’s advantage when they really needed. What he did was akin to what I was talking about last year in this same article…namely he used the idol to not only save himself, but the rest of his small alliance, thus endearing himself to his other alliance mates and making them feel obligated to do whatever he says. Anyway, that was then and this is now, so let’s get to the final list of who is reeling and who is wheeling. Yeah, I left out “dealing,” since at this point, the deals are done.

Yul
I need to remember that Survivor jury members don’t often vote with their emotions these days. Instead, they all seem to see who had the better strategy and who made the most moves to outplay, outwit, and outlast the other castaways, and then vote for that person to win the $1 million. There’s not much more to say about him. He’s the Godfather…the Yulfather of Survivor this year. I don’t think he won a single individual immunity challenge (did he?), but that was probably more strategy on his part. From some things Jeff said during the reunion, it sounds like Yul was always running numbers and the likelihood of certain outcomes. The guy was working the numbers from the beginning, and it really paid off for him. It could easily have gone for Ozzy, but I think Yul knew that the small things he promised people behind Ozzy’s back were going to bear fruit if he made it to the end. He also knew that Ozzy had nothing but the ability to win immunities, and the jury would recognize his superior strategizing. If only I had been so perceptive. Congrats to Yul, though, for playing an astute game and bringing home a ton of bacon.

Ozzy
Ozzy! You were so freakin’ close! So close! All you had to do was make ONE move! One! That’s uno in Spanish. Ok, sure, you made the move waaaaaay back at the beginning when you convinced your original Aitu tribe to throw the immunity challenge so you could vote that loverboy Billy out, but what have you done strategy-wise lately? Nothing. Zero. Zilch. That’s nada in Spanish. The thing is, Adam offered you a huge chance to shake things up a little, and you should have taken him up on it. Oh, Ozzy, if you had just listened to Adam and forced Yul to use the hidden immunity idol before the final 4, you would likely be a millionaire today. There are two things that might have happened: Either the jury would have seen you trying to strategize a little, and would have thrown you another vote, or Yul would have been without his precious HII when you guys cast your final votes, and could have been sent home. It was a win/win situation for you. But you wanted to be fair…you didn’t want to backstab anyone in your tight alliance. All I can say is they would have done it to you. Yul won’t be sharing any of that money with you, that’s for sure. Make a move…win a million.

Becky
How the hell was Becky out playing Survivor for 39 days and still not able to figure out how to make a fire? I’m sorry, but that tiebreaker fire making challenge was the poorest display of fire making that I have ever witnessed…and I watched one of my friends try to build a fire outside of a snow cave in blowing snow with kindling that he pulled out of a frozen creek. Even he was able to eventually make a fire. Anyway, all I need to say about Becky is that she ended up exactly where I thought she would. She didn’t get a single vote because she didn’t deserve a single vote! She had the audacity to look pissed off when the jury members addressed both Yul and Ozzy, but not her. Like anyone on that jury saw her as anything other than Yul’s little sister who has been tagging along for 39 days. My only question: With the 3 person final Tribal Council, what does third place win?

Sundra
I’m going to start Sundra’s comments the exact same way I started Becky’s… How the hell was Sundra out playing Survivor for 39 days and still not able to figure out how to make a fire? The second those girls started whacking at their flints I turned to my wife and told her exactly what they were both doing wrong. I don’t know if those flints have magnesium on them, but even if they didn’t, you’ve got to get the spark nice and close to the combustible material. Get it down there, dammit! Whatever, Sundra wasn’t going to get a vote either. She’s another tagalong. She only made it as far as she did because she was on the right side of the mutiny twist…Ozzy’s scorned side. Hopefully she’ll get her free dinner out of Yul.

Adam
Poor Adam. He tried so hard to win that immunity challenge. He really did. And then he tried even harder to at least go out with a bang by trying to force Yul to use the HII. Mark Burnett would have loved that. Alas, Adam’s Survivor stint went out with a whimper, and he rejoined his ménage a trois in fifth place, just as I figured.

Anyway, that’s how it ended. Everyone else is just an also ran, and Yul’s running all the way to the bank. Apparently he was also featured in People Magazine’s “Sexiest Men Alive” issue, so now he’s got that going for him too. Becky’s got nothing on the women that subscribe to People.

Until next time, when we’ll be politicking from Fiji, keep wheeling and dealing!