Hey everyone, I seem to be having difficulty in working out what's going on with my sexuality at the moment, basically I can't work out if I am straight and suffering HODC or if I am actually gay or bisexual and just over thinking things! Just looking for some other peoples opinions and thoughts. (HODC - Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)

So as a brief background, as far back as I can remember I have thought of myself as straight, had relationships with females and now have children and a straight life. However I do remember having curious sexual thoughts about males now and then throughout my teenage years. Skip forward to being in my early twenties and although still dating females my homosexual curiosities were an the increase, to a point now where in my late twenties where the idea of gay sex is more appealing than that of straight sex.

These days, while in a straight relationship I still find gay sex very appealing. I have experimented sexually with a handful of guys over the past few years and found it to be a mixed result from average to amazing sexual experiences. When I have sexual thoughts 90% of the time they involve two males. However it confuses me that in terms of physical appearance and body I prefer females but in terms of genitals and sex I prefer males. It just makes no sense to me at all, I know people will say about transgender people who appear female but have male genitals, this however would be wrong to assume as an option as a trans person who identifies as female is female, therefore it would not be a homosexual experience. It's not that I don't enjoy straight sex, gay sex just seems better for various reasons.

The reason I mention it possibly being HODC is because homosexual thoughts will be at the forefront of my mind for a few months and then it can be not thought about for multiple months before resurfacing again. However I do not feel any shame or fear of being any sexuality, I'm not bothered if I am gay, straight or somewhere in between, so maybe it's not HODC?

I should also say I do suffer with anxiety disorder, but not of these thoughts correlate with changes in my medication or mental state so I'm guessing it's not linked.

Like I say, I'm not bothered which sexuality I may be, I would just like to know if these thoughts are normal and real.

Many people have these thoughts and feelings and I would say that you are normal regardless. From reading your post it does seem like you are Bi and that both sexes are appealing to you. Don't worry too much about it. You are leading a normal healthy life and this shouldn't interfere too much with it.