Love Advice: Questioning Loyalty? Ask how she would feel.

Ask Judy

Dear Judy:

I met Heather three months ago when I went out to a nightclub. Heather is the kind of girl that I’ve been looking for all my life. I’m not a young man, Judy. I’m older and I’m really particular about what I like, want and will put up with. Anyway, Heather told me she loves me, and I told her that I loved her back.

Now here’s the problem: I called Heather two days ago to ask her out on a date for our usual night. But a friend she hasn’t seen in many months (who lives and works out of town) called her up out of the blue and said he wanted to get together with her. She offered to let him crash at her place. The issue? Heather broke our date and her friend is a guy. I can’t get it out of my head that she broke a date with me to go have a couple of beers with this guy. I am angry beyond belief here. I do love Heather and care for her more than any other girl I’ve dated in years, but I won’t stand for disloyalty. What should I do?

Sincerely, Jilted in Jericho

Dear Jilted in Jericho:

Here is the question that mankind has been trying to answer since our very existence: Can men and women be just friends? It is so exciting and wonderful when we meet the person who we believe is perfect just for us. You may have heard me say this before, but I believe it is worth repeating. It takes approximately a year and a half to truly know a person. You have only known Heather for ninety days. It’s been 90 days and you and Heather have already said “I love you” to one another. However, you still don’t really know Heather. You only know the fantasy of what you believe her to be. So she may be wonderful, but she will have flaws.

People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. Do you know this man’s name? How long have they been friends? Why does he need to stay with her? We cannot just stop being friends because it makes our mates uncomfortable. However, we need to be respectful that the new love in our life as well.

I don’t think Heather has done anything wrong in breaking your normal date night. Life happens, and sometimes there will be disappointments. I do think, however, she should be willing to introduce him to you while he’s in town – have lunch together. Ultimately, you need to ask yourself if YOU are okay with her having male friends. If the answer is no, then you need to let her know that you are not comfortable with this. The most important thing here is for you to tell her that this makes you very uncomfortable.

Ask Heather how she would feel if you had a female friend stay over your house? This is a great way to open up the “friend” conversation. Can she have male friends? Of course. Can they stay over? Uh, no.

You sound like a wonderful man. Approach her with a mature tone of voice, and do not come across possessive, that’ll just scare her away. God bless!!