Wednesday, December 31, 2008

It's counting down to the beginning of the New Year, and I'm so excited! All the prospects of a new day, the fresh start. Looking back at the past year, I can see how I have crippled myself by not taking advantage of opportunities, of letting fear chart the course of my journey sometimes. I can strive to do better.. I can certainly look at the 3 fold path: physical, mental and spiritual. And I can address issues and take more time for meditation and treat myself more like a precious child of God.

We opted to stay in tonight forego the local AA festivities. They're having a dance and stuff. We are both tired and really prefer the quiet of home. HUbby worked all day and was ready to just put his sweats on and his slippers and watch tv.

We are blessed to be sober on this, New Year's Eve. We are blessed to be loved and to have familky nearby and friends to support us. We are blessed with furry family and feathered family and that everyone is home, safe and sound.

Bless you all. And bless the world. And embrace the beauty of the day, wherever you happen to be.

"Awaken each morning in gratitude for another day of limitless possibility!"

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

What an evening. What a day all the way around, actually. It was gorgeous out and the pups spent the majority of the day chasing monsters out of the yard and running and playing and jumping in the leaves that are trying to compost on the garden beds. The cats were in and out, but mostly out. I finished all my chores, except cleaning the office. But, hey! that's okay. 'Cuz, I'm F-L-E-X-I-B-L-E... *grin* and so I'll just put that on tomorrow's list.

Tonight I wanted to go to a meeting in a town about 20 miles from here. I hadn't been to a meeting there, but I've always been the adventurous type. So, I phone up a newbie and say "Let's go!" She agrees, because she's askeered of me. Later she calls and cancels, because she's so tired and wrung out emotionally...been to a funeral today. I let her off the hook, and think maybe I won't go, because it's getting cool out there and windy. I hem and haw a little, and feed husband, and IM a friend and hem and haw some more. I suddenly think--I need to go. (Be aware that I had just spent 40 minutes locating and trying to download the software to hook my printer up to this old, slow loaner computer. And it went all the way through the long drawn out process before it slaps me with a little message that says "Fatal drive error. This program was NOT successfully installed." ) SO, I hear the still small voice saying "GO TO THE MEETING, SISTER". And I did.

But when I get there, I can't find it. I have the address. I even looked it up on Mapquest (and had to write the directions down by hand because the stoopid computer won't let me hook up the printer). (Not to mention how mad I got when I got to the Mapquest page and saw that the directions were only 3 sentences. arrggghhhhhh) I drive up and down the street looking and see no sign of it. Then I realize that the house numbers aren't in order. I circle around about the 5th time, thinking, screw it-I'm going home. I pull into a parking lot to try to call someone (who, naturally, wasn't home) and think...what the HELL.... and I look up and right directly in front of me is the New Song Fellowship Church! It's a huge yellow brick OLD building. Turns out, St. Louis Street SPLITS in half and runs two ways, and it was the back side. AHA!

It was unnaturally dark. There were no cars there. Anywhere. I drove all the way around it. Nada. Zip. Nunca.

But, standing in a doorway, was a young woman, shivering, with her coat pulled tightly around her to keep the cold wind off. I rolled down my window and said--Is there a meeting here? She said "I guess not." She looked exhausted and scared and pitiful. I said...Hey, get in and I'll give you a ride home. She looked a little doubtful, and then walked over to the car and said, "Well I'm staying at the Mission." I said , get in. When she got in I could see that she was tired and I said there was supposed to be a meeting here, and she said, I know. I called the hotline and they told me to come here. I asked her if she'd like a cup of coffee or something to eat, and she said she had missed supper and was sure hungry, but didn't have any money. I said I had some, let's get something. We wound up at a little hole in the wall Chinese place where we shared a plate of Vegetable Delight with rice and some Crab Rangoon. We had hot tea and we sat there and talked for almost 2 hours. I dropped her off at the Mission just before the curfew, and gave her my phone number.

I don't know if I'll ever see her again, but it sure was an interesting experience. Sometimes I forget that I have to listen carefully, because I never know what the Universe has in store...

One cranky old lady, one cold windy night, one scared little drunk and some good hot tea. And the meeting that never was.

Monday, December 29, 2008

I am stopping in for a quick post. Am on my way to bed and am yawning like crazy. I've been up since 5 AM...that could be part of it. :)

The pups are sleeping at my feet, the kitchen is cleaned and the lunch is made. I am looking forward to a nice day here at the farm tomorrow...just me and the critters. Birds to feed, laundry to finish (yes, the water is finally back on--YIPPEE!!!!) and floors to vacuum. And loving every minute of it.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Ahhhh...just another silly Sunday. I can see that, now that it's almost over.

We arrived at the meeting hall this morning to find all the tables and chairs folded up and put away. What?? Then when I went in to check the bathrooms, the men's room was a disgusting mess and so, twisted serpent that I am, I cleaned it. That was bad enough. Later we took one of my sponsees and her son home from the meeting. After dropping them off (14 days clean and sober and chatters like a herd of squirrels-nonstop-without taking a breath), we decided to run a little errand and have a little lunch. Not in that order. We went to the Mexican place that we love and had a fine lunch and then off to errands. On the way home we pass a sign on a road that says (I am NOT making this up) WE DON'T RENT PIGS. Now, I've seen this before (may have even posted about it) but today it just struck me as the silliest thing I have ever seen. I started laughing, and I swear to you, it was like I was taking psylicibin. I could not stop giggling, and I was snorting and choking and turning all the colors of the rainbow. And my darling husband is trying his best to be all serious and looking at me like I've lost my mind. And it just made it worse.

And the whole day was like that. And I was powerless to stop it.

I am so blessed by laughter and humour in my life, but this was ridiculous.

It was like God had decided to do a new stand-up and schtick routine. We pulled up in the driveway and the dogs had been frolicking in the mud and the black dog was brown, and the white dog was gray and the tan dog was black. And the little one just kept looking at me, and cocking her head from one side to the other. And the paroxysm of laughter started again.

A few hours later I got a wonderful phone call from a friend on the other side of the country and spent a lot more time laughing.

Later still, I called another friend who has a tough time this time of year. She had a son who commited suicide and got sober around the same time. We spent a lot of time giggling like teenagers.

And a little later still I was IM'ing with a friend from FL and laughing even more.

Silliness. Laughing. All things that are so good for my soul. There are a lot of people with nothing to laugh about in the world, and thanks to my sober life, I am not one of them. So, it's okay to be silly and to laugh until you pee your pants.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Boy oh boy, we had every weather known to man around these parts today! Woke up to 60 degrees, around 1 it started raining and thnderstorming with tornado warnings, then it was a flooding mess out there in my front yard. Tonight it has dropped to about 34 degrees.

Naturally, the rains and meltoff commingled to flood my well. The water came up over the pump housing again. SO I have had no water since about 4. It happened really fast--there was a lot of water out there!

Blessings today were mixed...lol. But we are all healthy and happy and the animals are all well and safe. The chickens are magically laying again. The gardens are resting. We are sober. Life goes on in this little corner of the world.

Tomorrow morning we will attend a 10 o'clock meeting. Maybe we'll hit a movie. I'd like to see 7 pounds (Will Smith) and I'd also like to see Doubt (Meryl and Philip Seymour Hoffman). I need to get by the local Dollar Tree to, as they once again (still, hopefully) have jars of fire roasted red peppers, sun dried tomatoes and pickled garlic in stock. They don't have this stuff all the time and it's very high quality, so when I find it I like to stock the pantry. Routine day, mundane errands. I like this boring life I lead today. I am blessed to not be that girl who couldn't stand to be home, who was always out in the bars, looking for the next adventure. Chasing the next thrill. Running, running, running.

Friday, December 26, 2008

It was a good day today. I suspect there were people out still doing the crazy shopping thing, but I wasn't one of them. I have never gone shopping on the day after Christmas OR Thanksgiving in my entire life. And I probably never will. I am blessed to NOT be blessed with that shopping gene. And I know people (mostly women) who live for this stuff. Not me. Uh-uh.

The weather here is ridiculous. Earlier in the week it was 4 degrees and today it was 60. It's so warm in our bedroom that we're having to turn on fans. Tonight we attended a speaker meeting that was also our friend's 9th anniversary. It was a great time, and we rode home through the countryside withthe windows down. IN DECEMBER !!!!!!!!! It's just crazy, I tell ya...

I was blessed to have a nice lazy low key kind of a day. Hubby had to go to Edward Jones to sign some papers and I elected to stay home and straighten up a little and get online and have several long lovely phone conversations. I even got in a little reading. It was awesome.

The pups are all surrounding me in here, one snoozing, one chewing a Christmas rawhide, and one looking so adorable I could eat her up. The cats are placed in assorted and various places, couch backs, window sills, corners and cabnets. Chico the birdboy is settling in for the night and seems to be okay today. I was a little concerned about him yesterday as he seemed lethargic and kept fluffing up his feathers. He wouldn't sing or respond when I talked to him. He'd just look at me. I guess he had a sniffle or something...today he is back to his old belligerant noisy self. That's a relief.

My life out here in the country is simple and just the way I like it (most of the time). I'm blessed to have enough. I'm blessed to be sober. And mostly I'm blessed with the kind of people in my life today that help me trudge the road somedays, and skip merrily on others.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Well, it's all come and gone and all that awaits me now is that nice queen sized sleigh bed in the other room....sigh....

I'm especially grateful for the gifts of sobriety today. The grace and the program of AA has saved me and countless others from lives of desperation and hopelessness. My sponsor died yesterday of a heart attack. Her daughter said it was quick and that she didn't suffer. She was a sober woman til her last breath, and with your help, that can happen to me too. She lived and breathed the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and knew that Big Book better than anyone I have ever met. She was a delightful human being and I will miss her so much.

I am crying off and on, not because of anything but how much I will miss her. She is better off and had been talking about death alot recently. I suspect she knew it was coming. She was always afraid that Altzheimer's would get her first. So dying of a quick heart attack is a blessing. Godspeed, Marion.

IN her honor I will post the poem I read at my father's service when he died. It is called"Do not stand at my grave and weep" by Mary Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush, I am the swift, uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circling flight. I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at mt grave and weep. I am not there, I do not sleep. Do not stand at my grave and cry. I am not there, I did not die.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Ah...just realized I can't post a picture on here because none of my photos are in this 'puter... And yet...I am blessed to be back online. I am blessed to have all my baking done (finally). I am blessed that my husband just brought me a big cup of hot cocoa.

Mostly I'm being majorly blessed with a break in the weather. It rained some today, but there were periods when the sun shone through as well. It wasn't quite as cold as it has been, made it up in the 30's today! Hooray!! Supposed to stay like this tomorrow too, cold, but dry. No white Christmas this year...

I'm going to try to get a few more things done tonight and then I'll finish up in the early hours.

I have a couple of new sponsees again...one has 12 days today and is wound up like a top. She's a cute little thing, and is right on track. Everything is a major event and she doesn't know what to do. I can remember feeling like that...whew. It makes me tired just watching them spin sometimes. lol

I got a call from a friend in southern Missouri. He's sober about as long as me and has come up here to visit on 2 occasions. I adore him and it was so good to hear from him, and that life is rolling along. Am hoping to see him this summer when I host my next gathering of cyber-sober folks. It will be in June this year...the same weekend as my AA birthday -the 12th. Anybody interested in coming drop me a line. They're always a lot of fun...

Okay...Santa is on his way and if I don't go to bed I won't get any presents.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Well. Here I am, finally back online and raring to go. lol. Truthfully, after almost 2 months away, I can barely remember what to do. My computer is still not repaired, but I was sent one by a very dear friend and it arrived today. She doesn't use it anymore, and kind enough to mail it off. I have had to do some computer geek stuff (that I figured out all by myself!!) and am trying to get it all cleaned up and arranged so I can use it.

She is a recent non-smoker...I cannot believe how much my eyes are watering from the thing. lol I am NOT complaining...I am very grateful for her generosity. I took windex to the box because the smell was rather pervasive. It got worse after being turned on and heating up some. It's still pretty bad....and I am just very sensitive to it.

I am trying to clean out about 3000 emails and after the holidays I will make an effort to catch up with y'all...

I'm so glad to be home!!!!!! Hope all is well for you all and that you have a very merry merry and happy ho ho.

Tomorrow I will be back on track, but for tonight let me just send a bunch of big old hugs and kisses....XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Welcome...

...to our little house on the Prairie, where we're trying to live a healthier, gentler life with our chickens and gardens and critters. Always an adventure, ever learning and loving and living life to it's fullest.