Wantto win $500?

Subscribe to YourTango newsletter

Living With The 'Grass Is Always Greener' Syndrome?

Are you in a loving relationship but can't stop wondering if there's something better out there?

“Having it all” is a fantasy. The 'Grass Is Always Greener Syndrome' of comparison is a futile place to live. There is simply no such thing as the perfect partner. By extension, there’s no such thing as the perfect job, the perfect place to live or the perfect house. When I hear that a client is falling prey to the 'Grass Is Always Greener Syndrome', I ask if they’ve found themselves in a similar place of obsessive comparisons regarding other aspects of their lives. They almost always respond affirmatively. One client recently said to me, “Not only do I compare my fiancé to other men, I’m always thinking about other places we could live and other jobs I could have. The truth is that I’m with a great guy and live in an adorable town and have a stable, good-paying job, and I’m missing it all.” Feeling Disconnected From Your Partner?

We live in a “you can have it all culture”, and no where is this message more pronounced than around the wedding and one’s choice of a marriage partner. We’re indoctrinated to believe that we can and should have it all, and that anything less than perfection in a mate is settling. When I ask my clients to tell me about their partners, they almost invariably reply with some version of this: “He (or she) is kind, caring, responsible, loyal, honest and hard-working. We enjoy each other’s company and are attracted to each other. He’s my best friend and the person I want to be around most.” When I ask about any potential red-flag issues such as abuse, addiction, betrayal, irreconcilable differences regarding core values or religion, the clients laugh and say, “Oh, no, nothing like that!” Do your parents and friends think you’re a good match? Yes. Is he or she someone who would make a good lifetime partner? Definitely. Hmmm. This sounds like a far cry from settling to me. It sounds more like a bad case of the 'Grass Is Always Greener Syndrome.' Which Works - Getting Love Or Being Loving?

What is the antidote? Connect to and express appreciation and gratitude. One of the most common exercises I suggest to my clients is to write a love letter every day to their partner (to send or not). I ask them to write down all of the qualities they love and appreciate about their spouse-to-be even if they’re not connecting to those positive qualities right now. I suggest that they actively express appreciation and gratitude to their partner every day either verbally or through writing. Appreciation and gratitude will automatically shift the person’s attention so that instead of focusing on the negative what’s missing, they begin to focus on the positive and what’s working. 7 Suggestions For Saving Your Sinking Relationship

4. Gambling is never a problem.

5. It's fine to risk your friends' lives for a boyfriend.

Hey, remember when Ariel almost got her lifelong friend and occasional guardian Sebastian killed so she could dine with a guy who'd never even heard her talk? You do? You need to know that that's never okay.

6. Follow random lights you see when you're alone in the forest.

7. It's acceptable to show up to parties uninvited.

There won't always be enough tea to go around if you keep showing up to parties you're not even invited to attend. And, like Alice, you may find yourself surrounded by lunatics with no respect for themselves, each other or anyone else's property.

8. Don't accept any accolades.

9. Go against your principles.

When she was a kid, Tiana swore she'd never kiss a frog. She changed her mind. Sure, it worked out in the end, but only after she was transformed into an amphibian and subject to a number of voodoo curses.

12. If your pet tiger doesn't like your beau, it'll still work.

13. Having short, dark hair is like, the worst thing ever.

Brunettes are people too. And listen, unless you have a genetic or Ariana Grande-edges issue, your hair will grow back. That's what hair does. If you don't think this is true, remember how you felt the last time you forgot to shave your legs.

14. Necrophilia's fine if he's royalty.

Snow White was in a coffin with her eyes closed in a "sleep-like death," and the seven dwarves just let this happen. Like, Doc didn't even side-eye Prince Charming making out with what everyone thought was just a really well-preserved corpse. Why weren't her pals called the Seven Deviants?

15. Whistle while you work ... but not too much.

You know why Snow White was always happy and encouraged you to "whistle while you work?" Because she wasn't actually working. She got woodland creatures to do all that crap for her. Then, like lots of people in upper management, she took credit for everything once it was done.

16. Your dad will always bail you out of dangerous situations.

Ariel could always rely on her father, King Triton, to save her in The Little Mermaid. For most of us, though, eventually our dads get tired of our s*it and make us grow up, whether or not that means growing legs.

17. Dating criminals is totally okay.

Flynn Rider may be charming in Tangled, but he's a thief with a false identity and was in what's basically a gang with two sociopaths called The Stabbington Brothers. If you wouldn't allow yourself to get sexed into a gang, why would you encourage this Catfish coupling?

18. Oedipus complexes are totally healthy.

Wendy Darling was commissioned by Peter Pan and the Lost Boys to be their mother in Neverland. Then she tried to make out with Peter Pan, who, as you can tell, is just not that into her. Because Peter Pan isn't a creep, no matter how many associations he may have with the late Michael Jackson.