How the Melbourne City Council ruined my ideal date idea by removing the love locks from the Yarra Bridge. I've always wanted to bring boltcutters and a nice girl there and take turns removing the love locks and throwing them into the river where they belong. Now what am I meant to do? I'm not paying $40 to take her to a movie.

On a typical Friday night I am

Making plans to go eat burgers on my own. I would invite you, but you know.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit

I look down on the people who take mobile screenshots of the photos they uploaded on social media to post on OKCupid. Could they not have just uploaded the original?