You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact contact us.

If this is your first visit, be sure to
check out the FAQ by clicking the
link above. You may have to register
before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages,
select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

DEATH and the REALITY of it

Hello my WHL FAMILY. I wanted to tell you about a tragedy my family and I faced just this past December 6th, 2012. I wasnt ready to "face it" I guess you could say (still dont some days) so I chose only a couple of my very close friends here on WHL to tell. I had a few reasons why I didnt "share" with the "whole family", one being facing the REALITY of how and why it happened. So many other reasons as well that are personal, extremely emotional and OVERWHELMING for me to deal with on a daily basis. BUT, I have been thinking it over since the tragedy and I feel like if I can even touch just 1 person, then its worth sharing.

My WONDERFUL and BEAUTIFUL Papa (my DAD) died (ugh, the words are HARD to write and I dont say them much either because of the pain) in December. We found him in his home (the HOME my family and I visited on a weekly basis) on December 8th in his hallway dead from a seizure brought on by alcohol poisoning. It was the most HORRIFIC moment of my life. He was an alcoholic and had been my whole life. Yet, he was my BEST FRIEND, MY PAPA, MY DADDY, MY FATHER and he had the BIGGEST HEART over anyone I have ever known.

I had to give him an ultimatum when my children were young because his alcohlism was poison in our lives. He didnt even hesitate, he agreed and our relationship FLUORISHED from that point on in a way I could never have imagined. 90% of the time he didnt get drunk when we were with him. If he did, we would leave and he would understand and not be upset.

I had talked to him just 2 hrs before he died. We were supposed to visit him on that Sunday, he died on Thursday. We found him on Saturday.

I talked to him almost every day. And I MISS HIM EVERY SECOND of EVERY MINUTE of EVERY DAY. I had a "SOBER PAPA" in my life and I LOVED IT BUT, I didnt think about what he was STILL doing when we werent on the phone or together. My illnesses clouded my mind or maybe I was just in denial, Im not really sure. I honestly thought he was not as bad as he was. I saw him sober MOST of our time together. THAT was "MY PAPA" to ME. Since then neighbors have told me things and family have told me things about how BAD his drinking was and always had been.........

He had gotten worse when I started getting sicker I have been told. He was proud of me "fighting" my "fight" BUT he hated seeing my life having changed so much. It tears me apart knowing this. He always told me "baby, I couldnt do what you do every day, youre a fighter and you have such a good attitude about it all...." I didnt think he would EVER CHOOSE to leave my family and I (me especially). WE WERE SO CLOSE and he knew I NEEDED HIM on so many ways........ I found out after his death that he was telling people he was going to drink himself to death. HE CHOSE. THIS HURTS, BAD......... He had even left his will sitting out on his desk for me to easily find.

I want anyone who KNOWS an alcoholic or IS an alcoholic to HEAR ME and to UNDERSTAND the PAIN I am in every day because of my papa choosing to die by being an alcoholic. YOU HURT the ones that LOVE YOU the most....... I will NEVER forget that day. The way vomit was dripping from his mouth that he had choked on, the way one of his slippers was off his foot, the positioning of his hands (seizure), the "look" on his face, the clothes he was wearing, the beer cans and empty bottles of rum lined up in a row on his counter, what was on his TV, the weather.............. AND MOST OF ALL the PAIN that still has not and will not ever go away from losing my BEST FRIEND, MY PAPA............

I deal with SO MANY "what ifs". People tell you not to, BUT, its not possible, we are human. I am dealing with the fact (along with so many other facts) that I WAS NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH for him to get help. Im NOT looking for pitty, I am just wanting to share my story HOPEING I might make a difference for anyone on either side of this HORRIBLE DISEASE to HEAR ME. PLEASE make a change so loved ones dont have to go through what I am going through EVERY SECOND of EVERY MINUTE of EVERY HOUR of EVERY DAY.........

I LOVE YOU MY DEAR PAPA and I MISS YOU SO DAMN MUCH..............

We Live in a MORTAL, FRAIL, IMPERFECT world in which the word "FAIR" doesn't always apply.Make EVERY MOMENT COUNT with the ones you LOVE because it can end in the blink of an eye. Love, Jeannette

I am so very sorry, that you have to go through this pain.
Even though, I don't know anything about alcoholics, my understanding is, that they don't think, that they have a problem. I would think, that might be the reason, your dad didn't seek help and not because you are not important enough to him.
We are here for you, always.

Debbie

I may have been dealt a bad hand, but at least I'm still playing with a full deck. ( most of the time anyway).

My brother-in-law died of alcohol poisoning at age 25. Alcoholism is an insidious disease and impacts everyone in the family.

I, too, had to issue an ultimatum to a family member about their drinking. Fortunately, it worked, and he never drank in the presence of me or my children (he lived out of state so I don't know if he continued drinking when not around us, but he sounded sober on the phone). I was prepared, however, to never see him again if he didn't honor my wishes, though.

Anyway, know that I understand your grief and the heartache from your loss. Your beloved dad chose that darn bottle, not because he didn't love you, but because he didn't love himself.

All I can think of to say is we are here for you
(((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))

Death is hard. Waiting for it to come is even harder. My Mom is begging for drinks cause she can't face the reality that my Dad can go at any moment from a heart attack. How can we expect to live a normal life?

Alcohol is wrong, but she is so gpitiful that my dad gives in. How can they cope with reality.

you are a dear friend...... and we have shared our stories with each other. all I can really say is I am here for you. we are a cyber family. and because we are world wide, someone is awake when you need to talk. it is by sharing our stories that we as a family really come together.

You are so brave for telling us this story. I am sorry to hear that your Father "chose" to die in such a way. You are right, the alcoholic not only hurts him/her self, but also everyone who cares about them.
My mother is an alcoholic and is now abusing her prescriptive medication. She refuses to acknowledge her drinking problem and/or her drug abuse problem. Instead, she has chosen to kick me out of her life because I confronted her with the way that her drinking and drug use affects me. She continues to say that she does not have a drinking problem and that her issues are not because of her abuse of her medications. Instead, I am her problem because I keep telling people she's a "Drunk" (a word I have Never used). She continues to do this even after being hospitalized twice for her alcoholism and abuse of medications, after being told by her psychiatrist, her therapist, and her physician that she is an alcoholic and abuses her prescriptive medications. Unfortunately, I can do nothing to help my mother as she (unlike your father) does not respect me enough to not drink when she is around me. I fear the day when I will find my mother like you found your father.
You are so blessed to know that your father respected and loved you enough to remain sober in your presence. I know that it is difficult to hang on to those blessings when you know that he chose to end his life in such a way that you had to find him! I am so sorry that this image remains in your head and will probably do so for quite a long time. I wish that there was something that I could do or say to bring you comfort. But I know that comfort will come in its own time and in a way that is best for you. Just know that you are loved here and that we will always be here to provide you with anything that you need.
Thank you so much for having the bravery to share your story with us. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been and for that, I am sending you my love, my thoughts, and my prayers.

Oh Steve, you are so comforting to me and THANK YOU for being here from the beginning. Even though it took me SO LONG to face the TRUTH of his death and tell someone. Even then I could only tell a select few out of embarrasment. I know I shouldnt be embarrased BUT I lived my whole life as a child and into adulthood to "keep quiet" and "dont tell anyone"...........I STILL feel "that". I also (as you know from our talks) have always been the one everyone comes to and I HELP THEM, Im the "pick me up person" and thats what Ive known and who I AM. BUT, Im not going to lie, IM ON OVERLOAD. Ive been so drained........... I DO have this STRONG FEELING that I have never had before to WANT, NEED, YURN and LONG for HELP............... THANK YOU to EVERYONE here. I am so happy I finally shared. I am just not used to leaning on others BUT I DO NEED YOU in a BIG WAY.............. XXXOOO

We Live in a MORTAL, FRAIL, IMPERFECT world in which the word "FAIR" doesn't always apply.Make EVERY MOMENT COUNT with the ones you LOVE because it can end in the blink of an eye. Love, Jeannette