Constantly Learning

In today’s post, I figured I’d just give you guys a quick little list of a few things that I’ve learned since becoming a dad. Now, some of these things are good, some bad, but they’re all things that I’m pretty sure most every first-time parent learns, usually the hard way, and that’s okay.

1. If you think that your relationship with your significant other is going to stay the same or be even anywhere near the same as it used to be, at least for the first many months, you’re crazy. Having a baby changes everything, from how you think about coming home after work to how you and your partner leave the house to get anything done. Nothing is the same. Not even the tiniest, most minute aspects of your life stay the same except for your love for your SO—and their love for you—if you’re lucky. Just don’t expect to be the hot-and-heavy teenage lovers you once were or the movie-watching cuddle monsters you were used to being pre-baby because that shit isn’t staying the same. I promise.

2. Your baby is going to rule your life. I think this one is kind of just a no-brainer, but I do think there are those new parents out there that think that it’s not going to be very hard… that they’re going to get to do all of the same things they were able to do before the little bundle arrived, but that’s not so, and anyone that thinks like that is in for a rude awakening. I guess there are some out there who do everything they used to and either leave their SO to fend for themselves and do everything for the child while they get to go out and have fun, but if you’re that person, I’m sorry to break it to you but you’re probably not a great parent. Babies change everything—it’s just a fact of life—but it’s really not so bad once you get used to it.

3. Babies change quickly. This is something that I’ve really learned quickly and it’s something that’s both amazing and devastating at the same time. I swear to God my daughter was just three months old, lying on the floor like a big, drooly blob just yesterday. Then I get a reality check and she’s running around the house trying to throw my things in the toilet and jump to her death from the couch and I realize that she was three months old a year ago and it makes me very, very sad. When people tell you to enjoy them while they’re little because it goes so fast… they mean it, and I’m just another dad here trying to tell you to enjoy them in the now because they’ll never be as little as they are now ever again

4. You can’t get anything done without your baby getting ALL the attention. I’m not fuckin’ lying about this one. You know how many times we have to stop and wait for someone to talk to Emerson about how cute she is when we go to the grocery store? About 50 million times, that’s how many. It’s cute at first and all the extra attention is fun; you get to be able to say, “Yeah, I made that,” and people oooh and ahh over your greatest creation, but there comes a point where it’s not fun anymore and you just want to get your shopping done, but no matter how many times you try to walk away and get your shit done, people don’t let you! So when you have a tiny, beautiful bundle of joy, just know that your life is going to change in all sorts of ways and at some point, you’re gonna start feeling like Rick Grimes trying to fend off a horde of baby-thirsty zombies.

5. You aren’t going to feel a love like the one you feel for your baby for anyone else. The love is intense, man. I’m not just saying that because that’s what a million bajillion other parents say, no, I’m saying that because I totally mean it. The love is like a fuckin’ tidal wave wreckin’ you day in and day out, every time you see your baby do something new or even just look in your direction. The number of heart skips I’ve had since we had Emerson is innumerable, and if I had to take a guess, I’d say they probably reach into the millions. The only way I could ever see feeling a love like the one I feel for Emerson again is if Kayleigh and I ever decide to have another baby, which we probs won’t, because, you know, Bob Saget. What I mean by that is, I don’t know what the future holds, but for now, I know that Emmy has provided me with a love I’ve never felt before, and a love I don’t know if I’ll ever feel again for anyone else. I feel a different kind of love for Kayleigh—a strong, passionate, sexy love—but it doesn’t mean I love her any less than Emmy—just differently. I’ll kill for either of them, so watch out beetchez.

With all that being said, I’m positive that I’m going to have more lists like this to come because I learn new shit every day I’m a dad. I’m going to be a dad for the rest of my life, so I’ve got a lot to learn, and apparently, you all are going to have a lot to hear about from me. That’s all for this Wednesday’s post, this hump-day novel that I’ve dumped upon you all.