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Topic: RE#13 - Seeds of Betrayal (Read 5335 times)

Wow, thanks for all of the feedback guys! I'll try to answer the comments/questions as best I can. What I'll try and do is discuss certain themes in the story that seem to be either in question of just needing some details explained.

Why is Rykrof becoming so important all of a sudden?

The answer to this lies in the previous chapters. Rykrof is emerging as one of the few in the military who seem to be questioning the war. With the majority of the Republic forces obviously being clones, this is something that Palpatine normally wouldn't need to worry about. But Rykrof has become one of the few non-Jedi heroes in the war... and he is popular in the Senate.

If Rykrof were to turn on the Republic, it could turn into a politcal hassle for Palpatine. Rykrof is well know for his past experience in the battle against the terrorist group Badoo Corba, and has been in many battles against the Separatists.

Basically, after Chapter 10, I realized that I wasn't thinking too far ahead on these stories - now I am trying to do that, and I think it is making a far more interesting plot/storyline. When I said that the series will kind of shift away from Rykrof - it kind of has hints of that with all of the attention Palpatine has received - my plan is to have a story where Rykrof is only in it at the end, but I am still working on that script in my head. I don't know if the idea would flow correctly.

When will Chapter 14 be completed?

I don't know, I haven't started on it yet. These usually take anywhere from 2-4 weeks to get completed... I'd like to have it done before October, but I have some busy weekends coming up... and I don't want to rush it.

Tylin needs those legs because I wanted some good articulation for him (used TIE pilot legs) and I thought it might be a good mix to have an Imperial with differnet colored pants, kind of like the variety in ANH in the conference room.

Padme's lighting effect is due to my lack of the appropriate software and skills.

Why did Padme rat on Rykrof, and why did Anakin say something to Palpatine?

Padme wasn't intended to be portrayed as tattling at all, I had originally had some scripting where she says that she wishes Anakin could come to Naboo too. But it seemed to be getting too wordy, and I had hopes that the amount of sentence structure in that pic would allow the reader to make their own assumption.

Anakin goes to Palpatine because he is very trusting of the man, and feels he needs to say something. After all, the Badoo Corba did almost kill Palpatine - and Rykrof's mission is to eliminate a terror cell out there in the Dathomir system.

Digital shots?

These are a work in progress for me. Creating the backgrounds is tough, since I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I'm trying to get them to come out clear and not be too "redundant" in showing the same background twice (like I apparently did in Palpatine's office once). Bear with me, I'm learning! As for the hallway there, I couldn't find any pics that showed that part of his office. Believe me, I spend hours and hours looking for reference pics for each story.

Why did you show Mace Windu, instead of another Jedi? Why not one getting shot?

I knew someone would ask this question. I don't really have an answer. Just pretend that the other Jedi in the ship already got shot and fell out.

Why are the two Jedi so concerned about Rykrof?

Kala Mly Shundi is an old friend of Rykrof's, they go back about 10 years. Ki Adi Mundi has a great respect for him too. They are discussing this themselves, not with the Jedi Council. If it were a Council concern, then yes, it would seem that Rykrof is overly important. But it's an idividual concern to two members of the Jedi Order at this point.

Why are some shots so washed out/gray looking?

One thing I don't want the series to be, is overly colorful. I like the OT feel where things are gloomy and dark, especially military scenes. That is why the scene where Palpatine and Tylin everything is very grayish. I wanted to set the tone of darkness here. Hopefully they weren't too gray.

Rykrof's helmet?

His helmet is from the SAGA Deluxe Clonetrooper on the speederbike.

How will the Rancors appear on Dathomir?

The first one was digital, but there will be several more. I actually have 3 Rancors now, so we'll be sure to see some toy versions too.

Rykrof seeing his family?

This is the perfect example for Palpatine to use if he presses charges against Rykrof. And Rykrof certainly wasn't expecting a one day visit to Naboo to ruin his life. But it looks that way, doesn't it? Palpatine certainly has some legit reasons to question Rykrof. But at this point the Jedi are on Rykrof's side. So, remember - he has a lot going against him right now - but he still has the support of the Jedi - and a Wookiee friend that is currently on Kashyyyk.

Rykrof's son, will they know each other after his son is old enough to have memories?

I don't want to give this away - but I do have the whole basic plot line rolled out in my head. It will undergo a lot of modifications I'm sure, but the theme will be there.

Appearance of the lettering too close together?

I am very sorry that sometimes it is doing that. I just can't seem to help it. When I create the templates for the dialogue, it looks just fine. It even looks fine once it's saved onto my hard drive. Then it uploads, and some words look scrunched. Sorry...

Where are the Badoo Corba?

Their main base is still on Coruscant. The secret base on Dathomir has been abandonded... could this come in useful to Rykrof? Time will tell!

What will happen to Rykrof next?

We'll have to wait and see. I think it will be interesting to see what happens over the next few chapters. If Rykrof returns to Coruscant, what kind of reception will he have? Will he be greeted? Arrested? Time will tell.

Everyone, thank you kindly for the comments and feedback. I appreciate it, and would love to discuss this story some more, including past chapters.

Wow, great follow up, that cleared up quite a few questions for me. You answered them perfectly. Thank you for doing these CHEWIE, they really are a lot of fun to read and they make my day when they are posted.

i said it at rebelscum and i'll say it here. such awsome work. the portrayal of palpatine influencing others to see things through his dark and twisted perception is great. he has spent years turning a questionable jedi to his ways, but it only took him a conversation to turn a man against his life long friend, now thats power!

the shoots of the rancor & escape pod as well as the first tyderian shuttle getting blown up where amazing!

as for all the conversation, i like it! it gives more insight into the story and the charecters, not to mention makes the story longer, which is a big plus. i'm always bummed when i come to the last scene! but thats what makes these such great stories, keep'em wanting more!!!!

i still havn't been able to read all the chapters, i think i came into it at ch.9 or ch.10. at what point did rykoff begin to doubt the republic and question the war? and did any of the previous chapters show rykoff's history with the badoo corba organization?

well, chewie these are great, thanks for sharing them with us and taking the time to make them. and the question and answer session you posted here was great, it really put alot of things together for me and added to the story.

thanks again and keep up the awsome work!!!!

erik

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=jEdIsTyLe=---------------------------------------------------------" The first soap was made from the ashes of hero's, with out pain, with out sacrifice, we would have nothing."

At what point did Rykrof begin to question the war, and has he had past encounters with the Badoo Corba?

Rykrof began to start having some doubts about the war after his mission to Cholganna in chapter 10. Then after his mission to Rhen Var in chapter 11, he was promised to be able to return home for a leave of absence to see his wife and newborn son - this was denied him however by the Republic because of two things - the ever growing thread to the Separatists, and the re-emergence of the Badoo Corba.

Rykrof has had many encounters with the Badoo Corba, beginning with chapter 3 - which was called "Anti Jedi" - that is also when he met Kala Mly Shundi. In that story, Tylin Gere almost shot the Jedi in the back as one of their fellow officers had been killed by Count Dooku, but it appeared that the Jedi was responsible.

Rykrof's main objective in stories 3,4,5,6,7 were to take out and destroy the Badoo Corba. Then the Clone Wars broke out, and the primary focus became the war against the Separatists. But after Trigg Fudda (the now dead leader of the Badoo Corba) almost succeeded in assassinating Palpatine, Rykrof was sent to Dathomir to route out a suspected Badoo Corba terror cell. Instead, he was met by the Separatists (Palpatine and Dooku had planned this as a trap to easily get rid of Rykrof without rising suspicions in the Senate).

All right...it's taken me longer than I expected, but here's my thoughts on SEEDS OF BETRAYAL. I'm going to go panel by panel on this one...

Panel 1- Good opening "crawl." Touched on what has gone before and sets the stage nicely for this chapter.

Panel 2- It's good to open with a space battle, but this one seems rather sparse. I would have liked to have seen more ships in this shot.

Panel 3- GREAT action shot. The clones are nicely posed, the SFX are great, and even though the "slim-shouldered" Mace Windu has never been one of my favorite customs, he looks good here, deflecting blasts in that almost nonchalant way Mace did in the arena. While plummeting through the air. ON FIRE. But I digress...

Panel 4- Good shot of the Federation ships around Dathomir. Dathomir seems to be oddly glowing from within, though... the light on the planet doesn't match the light on the ships...but I imagine that's hard to do.

Panel 5- Ah, Naboo. Great mix of film elements and figures here, and great job with the sizing between background and foreground. I honestly can't tell if that's a custom R2 unit or a pic from the film. It's also nice to see Owen's patrol speeder making another appearance.

Panel 6- Great shot of the shuttles leaving Naboo...although it would be nice if they were prequel era shuttles, I realize reference on those is slim. Besides, whose to say these weren't just off the assembly line at this time?

Panel 7- Fantastic close-up of Rykrof, but I wish you's cleaned up Hasbro's paint flaws around his beard with your photo program...he looks like he just ate a chocolate chip cookie. Mmmmm...

Panel 8- Padme the bigmouth. I wish there were dialogue here to make Rykrof almost an afterthought in their conversation. It seems too convenient and plot-dependent, and makes it seem like Padme called Anakin only to mention Rykrof, which is unlikely. Great hologram effect as always, though. Please...paint Anakin's hair the correct shade. Freakin' Hasbro can't get it right. I like the little custom holo-table too. Where's it from?

Panel 9- Anakin is a punk snitch. The best part of this shot is Corusant in the background. Anakin's pose seems awkward, though.

Panel 10- Palpatine pats Anakin's ass. Seriously though, Anakin looks stiff as if that's just what had happened. Also, I'm not a big fan of the manipulation on Palpy's face here. Looks weird.

Panel 11- Great close-up...this really adds some depth to the conversation, and makes the story more cinematic in your presentation. Well done.

Panel 12- I really like this shot. Great way to close out the scene.

Panel 13- Great shot of the shuttles. It's a nice transition from Palpy's office.

Panel 14-18- Some really nice action shots here...this and clarity of story is really what sets your work apart from a lot of photonovels. The SFX look terrific and I especially like the embattled escape pod shot.

Panel 19- Great shot of the Separatist's bridge, and nice to see Grievous and Asajj together, although I think it's been established in the EU that Asajj doesn't take orders from Grievous, and has no problem telling him so. Some verbal interplay between them would have been nice. I'd also like to see you work on a custom Asajj that blends the more realistic CW Asajj with the Battlepack version.

Panel 20- Great blending of the "real" and "CG" elements, and again, the sizing of the figures in the shot is great.

Panel 21- Establishing shot. 'Nuff said.

Panel 22-28- Great close-ups here, and a great way to keep a long conversation lively. There's a lot of story groundwork being laid here, and I think the conversation is tightly written here...very true to the characters. As much as part of me wishes you'd gone the other way with Tylin as we discussed, this rings very true. I think you were right to go this way with him. The only thing I'm not a fan of is the manipulation on Palpatine's face. Again, it looks odd.

Panel 29- Great shot of Palpatine walking off...the droid and it's shadow are well done, and it's good to see you getting so much mileage out of Owen's playset. Another good scene transition.

Panel 30-31- Good to see Kala Mly Shundi again. I also like that he and Ki Adi Mundi are discussing Rykrof's fate, as they of all the council have had the most dealings with him. I have to wonder how involved they will get, however, since a Jedi's way is to be somewhat detached from others...

Panel 32-35- I love the jungle set you've built of Dathomir for these shots...very nice. The poses are also well done here, and you really get a sense of just how dire the situation is for Rykrof and these clones.

Panel 36- This is both my favorite panel, and the one I have the most problems with. For one, the swamp looks great, but the background sky looks much lighter than I ever imagined Dathomir. I guess even a sun shines there occasionally, but I would have liked to see a darker and more forbidding sky. Also, the escape pod looks awkward, and doesn't blend as well with the background as in some other shots you've done. However, the Rancor blends so well it's amazing...but again, that just makes the pod stand out more.

As far as story this time around, I think it's a solid set-up to the next few chapters, which promise to be a roller coaster ride. The dialogue was well-written and the characters were true to the personalities we know. I'd say this chapter is another rousing success, but as for how much...we'll need to weigh them against the next two acts.

Also, I have to say that although you do some great CG stuff, don't rely too heavily on it. Some of the best work you've done is with your custom sets and imagination.

Great work! Can't wait for DESPERATE MEASURES.

-DD

P.S. I'm not a fan of the "Sexy Alyssa" shot. Although it's a good idea, it looks kind of creepy. Her "rag-doll" pose makes me feel like I'm viewing a crime scene...

DD, thanks for that in depth look at this. When someone puts that much effort into helping me out and analyzing what was done, it really makes me look forward to the next chapter in the story. I'll try to reply to each one of your comments.

Panel 1 - Thanks, I think these are helpful, but sometimes it's hard to come up with the correct dialogue here.

Panel 2 - Yeah, the space battle could have had more to it I guess. I was afraid that I was overdoing it, so I kind of held back on this one.

Panel 3 - I happen to love that custom Mace, but I do agree that it cold be better. I like this shot a lot.

Panel 4 - Yeah, making planets is a little tough. It's actually really hard to get them to look right.

Panel 5 - Owen's speeder really is fun for these. I'm so glad I bought it from him. The R2 unit is a figure that I changed the tinting color on.

Panel 6 - Yeah, I'd like to use different shuttles too, but I used these in the Rhen Var story, so I think they're here to stay.

Panel 7 - This was a last minute addition to the story. I should have cleaned his face up a bit like you said.

Panel 8 - Yeah, I should have explained this scene better. She's not meant to really be a tattle, but mentioned that Rykrof was there only because she wishes Anakin was there... so you think I should darken Anakin's hair?

Panel 9 - I like this shot. The background was fun to make, but the desk/chairs were a challenge. I hope they look ok.

Panel 10 - Palpatine actually has his hand on Anakin's back... but it does look kinda awakrd. Palpy's face was SO blurry in the pics that I took, that I tried to clean it up. Guess it didn't work as well as I'd hoped.

Panel 11 - Yeah! I'm glad you like the close up. I do too.

Panel 12 - This closing shot was a b!tch to make. But I think it turned out ok.

Panel 13 - Easiest shot in the whole story actually.

Panel 14-18 - Thanks, one thing I want to continue to add where I can is space shots. They're not too hard, but sometimes can be really tough when there is a battle going on.

Panel 19-20 - Yeah, these took forever to make as well. Very difficult for me to make since I'm not well aquainted with making digital backgrounds. Palpatine's office was my first attempt, and then this. Ventress will go to Dathomir as planned, but I struggled with having her go or not. I don't think she'll stay on there long though.

Panel 21 - Did you see the Star Destoyer I added in the air?

Panel 22-28 - This was tough to do, as I didn't have enough quality pics to show much variety. So I recycled the Palpy face pic some... this was a very important conversation, which is why it took so many pics. I want people to remember this point in the story, it's very important.

Panel 29 - The walking away shot is my favorite. I like the camera droid and how I was able to get Palpatine to look like he's glancing up at it. And thank God for Owen's playset he sold me.

Panel 30-31 - Yep, Kala Mly Shundi is my favorite "fan fic" Jedi. He'll get involved, remember that the Jedi sent hundreds of Jedi to Geonosis to save Obi Wan in AOTC... there won't be anything of that magnitude, but Kala Mly Shundi will be a key element of Rykrof's destiny.

Panel 21-35 - Man, these were fun pics to make. I can't wait to make some more for the next story. I'm very glad that they turned out like they did and the positive response I've gotten from them.

Panel 36 - Well, I had one hell of a time getting that escape pod to look even as good as it does. For some reason, I couldn't get it to look like I wanted. I probably spent 30 minutes on the damn pod alone, then gave up on it! For the sky, I didn't want it to be too gloomy yet because the previous shots weren't very dark of them in the swamp, and I wanted to show the Separatist ships in the sky getting ready to land. Don't worry though, there will be some gloomy days there. I kind of envision this place kind of like Brazil, even the sky shines there but there are some nasty days.

Overall, I did like this chapter too. I hope that the roller coaster ride over the next few isn't a let down, and is entertaining for everyone. I have several ideas that I still want to experiment with, and Rykrof's situation doesn't necessarily mean that he is "done" being a Republic soldier. The Clone Wars are less than a year old still... but he's definitely on Palpatine's bad side now.

I will continue to show "real" background shots too DD. It's just that it's hard to keep creating sets due to money and space restrictions.

And the sexy Alyssa Enloe shot didn't turn out as good as I'd like perhaps, but in the story coming up I think it will flow fine with her lying in bed like that.

One thing I forgot to mention is how spot on you are with Palpatine's dialogue...I can almost hear Ian McDiarmid delivering the lines. I have to say he's the character you really have the best feel for...although your Count Dooku is very well written as well.

Why are you so good with the suave, evil manipulators, Chewie?

Oh, and it's not that I don't like the Mace...he's a great SA custom...I just think Agen's shoulders are too slim. He looks great with the robe, though.

I just checked on it. I have a lot of bandwidth left actually, as I purchased some more yesterday. Right now it appears that 250free.com is having an internal server error with my account. Hopefully it will be fixed shortly.

I like where you are going with the story arc here. Setting Rykrof up to be viewed as a traitor by Anakin and even by Tylin. I also really like the Officer Tylin custom - the use of the TIE Pilot legs was perfect and adds a nice level of articulation. The BoShek head is perfect for an Imperial Officer.

Once again, I am really impressed with your jungle scenes - they look very natural. You did a great job with the composition on the Naboo scene - it looks very well done.

That Rancor scene at the end is awesome! Is that the Rancor figure or is that from the movie? Are Rancors from Dathomir?

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The scariest thing that I've ever seen,Is the terrible AT-AT walking machine.It's as big as a house on walking legs,and whatever it steps on it crushes like eggs.