From the very low, lows of ivf to the highest high of it actually working out.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do

I'm healing pretty well... jeans are still unzippable. At my appt today, my RE said something shocking. That since he found mild endo during my lap, that maybe we'd want to try on our own for a few months because pregnency rates can be higher. I asked him what he meant and reminded him that I don't ovulate. He said he could put me on meds for that. I got really emotional. That's not on our own. I've been so in ivf world.. so moved on from that idea... I know that trying to find the right protocol for me could take a while and now that I only have 1 tube left operating at 50%, the idea of taking six months to experiment made me very upset. Just him mentioning it as an option made me upset. I've already grieved that part.... I don't want to go back to that. It's like someone said my dog died and then a year later said we could dig him up and try some experimental treatment for months to see if he comes back... yes I'd want the dog back.. but those months of hope and disappointment... and possible half year delay of our dreams and goals... I don't want it. Not now. Now I want to move on to do a frozen cycle and hope the lining issues/failed cycles I had before were due to my tubes/endo and can use those good ivf odds to maybe get preg. I know someone might read this and think I should be patient and do the lower impact procedures... but I just want out of infertility and even though there's something hopeful in his suggestion, I hate it. If we are able to have our own bio kids through ivf and if we do ivf again... then we can do another lap, start slow... see what happens. But I'm exhausted and will be moving ahead with an frozen cycle starting in a week or so. Booya.