Watch out, kids: the conservative group Parents Television Council has found out that your favorite cartoons contain jokes about sex, and they're out to ruin your fun.

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According to the Huffington Post, PTC just released a report titled "Cartoons Are No Laughing Matter: Sex, Drugs and Profanity on Primetime Animated Programs," arguing that shows like Family Guy and American Dad are rife with sexual talk and imagery, and "parents need to understand just how explicit these cartoons are so they can make better viewing decisions for their family." From the report:

Adult content isn't just creeping into the cartoons that kids today are watching the most; it has overtaken much of that animated programming. We're not talking about cartoon characters slipping on banana peels and ramming into doors. Our data demonstrates that today's norm is profanity-laden storylines involving everything from rape and cocaine to STDs and crystal meth. There is now more sexual content on these cartoons than violence –- even when counting traditional ‘light' cartoon violence.

More sex than violence — what's the world coming to? Sadly for the PTC, much of their report falls prey to a common problem: the enumeration of objectionable content in television shows is unintentionally hilarious. The report subdivides its complaints into categories, such as "Strippers," "Vagina and Penis Reference," "Condom and Sperm Reference," "Dick," and "Bleeped F**king." It includes detailed descriptions of scenes the PTC took issue with, like "three strippers are onstage wearing risqué patriotic outfits" and "Steve thinks he's entering Hogwart's when in fact he has just volunteered to work at a crack house." There's also this rundown of the "sexual slang" kids might find in cartoons:

It's certainly true that not every cartoon is for young kids, and parents should exercise control over what their children watch. But now, kids won't even need Family Guy anymore — they have the PTC report to laugh at.