Friday, April 29, 2005

Daleks The Supreme Race And How To Defeat One

I have rented a few episodes of Dr Who going from the McCoy years to as far as the second series with the Grumpy Dr. So I can now draw a few conclusions about how the Daleks changed over the years and it is blindingly obvious that they haven't, not from the way they more, or to the way they talk. So here is my survival guide in preparation for tomorrow's episode.

The Daleks are creations of Davros, an evil genius from the planet Skaro. During the nuclear war between the Kaleds and the Thals, Davros was the Kaled's top scientist and experimented with speeding up the mutation of the Kaleds, caused by the radiation (probably because he was fedup with trying to stop it), then he put the mutated Kaled in a tank like armoured shell, and called it a Dalek.Obsessed with his creation, he helped the Thals destroy is own people and then set the Daleks on the Thals. Unfortunately at this point the Daleks turned on Davros, believing themselves to be superior form of life and refusing to take orders from an inferior lifeform.

The history of the Daleks spends about three million years and involves a 2012 invasion of Earth where they try to turn the planet into a giant spaceship and several attempts to obtain the Dr's TARDIS so they can destroy the TimeLord council.

Anyway first thing you need to understand about the Daleks is that they are neither scary or dangerous. I apologise to anybody who has a phobia of giant salt pots, but common!

So if you find yourself walking down a dark ally and you hear #EXTERMINATE#, run for cover. The Dalek weapon can kill with one shot, but it isn't rapid firing and neither is a Dalek a good shot. Next Daleks are vulnerable from behind, they can be pushed off cliffs, down lift shafts or stairs. And although they might be bulletproof, their eye pieces aren't, so they can be blinded easily by shooting that off or if you don't have a gun handy, slap some mashed potato, grease or mud over the eyepiece. Once you have blinded your attacking Dalek, stick something down it's laser attachment and it won't be able to fire it's laser.

Now you have incapacitated the poor thing, get round the back of it's head and push-up on the bottom of the top dome section. Once the hatch opens get a stick and hit the green blob inside until it shuts up, or get blanket and scoop the blob out, then stamp on it. And that is how you defeat a Dalek. Plus if you scoop out the green blob you can then climb into the shell and use it as a disguise from other Daleks.

Now Ciybermen on the other hand are a completely different kettle of fish, be afraid.