Not True.

Chances are the photo shoot for this ad has been on this woman’s calendar for a while. And for the past few months she’s been hitting the gym, maybe even twice a day. She’s probably cut all carbs from her diet and is subsisting on steamed broccoli and chicken. She’s been focused because she knows her body is going to be in front of a camera and she wants it to look good. She’s getting paid for it to look good. And there’s nothing wrong with that. You can earn a living doing that (or supplement a teacher’s salary).

But her image next to the phrase “Goodbye size 14, Hello size 8” is misleading. She is most likely NOT a size eight. Maybe a two or a four, but not an eight. And she doesn’t take a pill to get where she is, she works hard, she’s meticulous about her diet. Which is fine. But the whole ad implies that if you take the product you’ll get the results pictured. Not true.

So how does this make the viewer feel? What if you’re thinking: “Hey! Wait I’m a size eight and I don’t look like that!” Or what if you’re thinking: “Gosh I wish I had her abs. If only I hadn’t eaten that brownie.” Or maybe your thinking: “I bet she has no kids, that’s why she looks like that.” Or: “If she has kids she must not be a very good mom because she must spend all her time in the gym to look like that.” Or maybe its: “This ad is misleading, someone should do something.”

Someone should do something and that someone is you.

For years people have lobbied the ad industry to change the way they depict women in advertising. But it hasn’t really changed: women are often objectified and ads are often misleading, showing “unrealistic” figures. And it is not going to change. In fact it is getting worse. All you have to do is browse Pinterest to find all kinds of pinable images that mimic the very ads women are lobbying against. The thing is that advertisers aren’t the ones making them, we are.

To blame the ad industry or ban yourself from Pinterest or Instagram isn’t the answer. Because that makes you the victim. It takes the responsibility out of your hands and puts it somewhere else, where it doesn’t belong. The truth is that the responsibility rests solely on you. It is your mind. You have the power to take every thought captive.

Take every thought captive. Wrestle and wrangle the negative thoughts. Identify them as unhelpful and replace them with truth.

We spend so much time comparing and criticizing: “I bet she has no kids, that’s why she looks like that. If I didn’t have kids to chase after then maybe I’d have the time to have a six pack.” It’s a sign of insecurity. And I’m the first to get into that line. Insecure. It is the shadow that’s haunted me most of my life. Insecurity leads to comparison.

“We rarely engage in self-righteous judgement when we feel confident about our decisions: I’m not going to practically knock myself unconscious with a shaming eye roll about your nonorganic milk if I feel good about what I’m feeding my children. But if doubt lurks beneath my choices, that self-righteous critic will spring to life…to confirm that, at the very least, I’m better than you.”

I used to compare for two reasons: to disparage myself, rip myself apart and goad myself to do better or I’d compare myself to others to build myself up by taking them down a notch.

I’ve gotten better at silencing that self-shaming critic, the one that would have looked at this ad and heaped guilt upon my head for whatever thing I’d eaten that I wasn’t “supposed” to. That voice is dead. Now I battle the critic that puts other people down; the thoughts that make me “the most right” or at least righter than her: “At least I’m not striving to look like that anymore. It must kill her to have to keep that up.” And that thought is just as damaging as the self critic because it boosts my confidence at HER expense. What kind of confidence is that? A quick fix for the insecurity I feel, certainly not a lasting, life changing confidence. THAT kind can only come with believing the truth and living with grace that lets other people be who they are.

The next time you find yourself beginning to compare and criticize, do yourself a favor. Take that thought captive. Wrestle it. Wrangle it down. Identify it as unhelpful and replace it with truth. And if something truthful and positive escapes you, you can at least think: “I hope that woman has a nice day.”…even if the woman is the one staring back at you in the mirror.

How do you deal with your inner critic? What was your first thought viewing this ad?

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Very powerful post, Sarah! Lots of things to consider. “Comparison is the thief of joy”–something I have to remind myself frequently. There is a woman at my gym who has 5 kids AND a 6-pack. A few months ago I found myself wondering why I, with a mere 2 kids, didn’t have such a slammin’ body. Then I realized that she works out for 2-3 hours EVERY DAY. Her kids are in the gym’s child-care for 2-3 hours EVERY DAY. My thoughts quickly changed. I’d rather have my 1-pack and run or work out in the wee hours of the morning so I don’t compromise family time than have ripped abs at the cost of time with my children. You’re an amazing mom, Sarah! Your daughter and son are very very blessed!

Thanks south for reading and commenting! I think that either kid of comparison: the one thy criticizes self or the one that criticizes the “other woman” can be damaging. I think we just have to be as gracious to ourselves and to others as we can…not always easy:)

This is a great post. I struggle with many of the ways you mentioned judging others to make ourselves feel right about our decisions. We should be strong in our decisions but also open and understanding to those of others, especially when we can only assume the rest of what they really do. In such a social networked world this is a daily battle/every moment battle as we are faced with being the best mom, the best runner, the best cook……….I am learning to be me, to be happy with me, to be the best I can be and to not doubt those choices. But we also have to be realistic, knowing that the media portrays a life that we don’t have and one I don’t care to have:-) I wish there were more photos like Kate Middleton’s day after baby bump! Great post!

Thanks for writing this. I also thought “That’s not a size 8!”. Then I think that maybe, to get to that point, the model took some scary fatburners on top of eating nothing but chicken and broccoli. Then I realize some of the obvious photoshop work (Not to be creepy but you can usually tell pretty easily by looking at the crotch area.) and I think: “Seriously- this girl probably did 2 a days at the gym, ate a crazy restricted diet, took drugs, and THEY STILL PHOTOSHOPPED HER!” Sometimes being the mother of a girl is terrifying.

I agree with you on comparisons too. I find when I start running someone down in my head that it’s because I’m intimidated or uncertain. I feel like, as women, we’ve been enculturated to compare others negatively. How do we make friends? By putting down someone else. Maybe not individuals, but definitely groups and choices.

Great post. God I hate adverts like that. I hate what they stand for first of all – health is not about asthetics and size. There’s a lot more to it. But I get your point. Why do I care so much? I think it’s because I put the effort in to be healthy and the fact that a pill is offered to apparently do the same seems to undermine the effort I put in.
I deal with my inner critic by telling it that I do enough. I work out, I eat reasonably well, and I function perfectly normal. I am enough 🙂

I saw a similar post that had a diagram of the fat percentages going down for a woman with use of a similar product. I do hate how skewed our perception is of what is healthy and good for a woman. For me, I see it as (and of course what is right for an individual body is always different) what is healthy and reproductively healthy for a woman. I am not as reproductively healthy at a certain body fat percentage, and we all know that to be healthy your body has to work correctly!

Awsome: “’I hope that woman has a nice day.’…even if the woman is the one staring back at you in the mirror.”
Positive thinking breeds on itself, as does negative thinking and who wants to be a grouch all the time? Thanks for the reminder!

I remember Alissa saying to me, it just would not be right if you weren’t a little soft when I hugged you. I am who I am! Squishy and soft, more huggable! Comparison is the thief of joy! applies to everything, not just physical appearance!

Great post Sarah! Thank you so much for reminding us all not to criticize ourselves so much. It is good to remember that the women in the magazines and on other ads have been working and dieting just for that photo. Not to mention, touch ups are done to those pictures. I have a friend who does modeling, and she had some beautiful photos taken of her in a bikini, and she admitted to me that her abs were touched up to make them more defined and so that she didn’t have creases in her skin… Don’t believe everything you see!!!

Awesome post and I couldn’t agree with you more. These kinds of promises drive me nuts. We all know what we have to do to be healthy. There is no magic bullet. And even when we do all those right things, we are all different and our bodies will look different and respond differently. Thanks for sharing this!

Sarah AMEN! This is a great post and these ads when I was heavy were always around calling out to me to try this and loose the weight. And why not they promise the results I wanted without doing the work! Now with hard work, diet and fitness that I’ve lost much of the weight these ads drive me crazy because a little part of me still thinks, maybe that pill would help me loose even more! Ugh it’s a battle. Not everything is as it appears in marketing!