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I have had to deal with depression for the longest time in my life, so I know that it's something very difficult to handle. For at least the past 15-16 years I've completely broken down into fits both in private and public, feeling that I don't matter at all, that nothing I do will ever work out, and that maybe it's best if I just bury myself under all my bed sheets and quit. And it's only gotten worse in the last couple of years with recent events. I won't go into to many details, but after everything half the time I'm shutting myself away from both friends and loved ones... what little few I still really have left anyway, and I honestly don't want to keep doing it. I've had more than a few breakdowns in the past and I'm starting to feel that unless I start getting help I'm going to have the big one where I really just give up for good. I'm trying to not turn everyone away anymore, and that's honestly one of the harder things I've found myself doing, but at this point it's better than the alternative.

On the lighter side of things, I've been working on material for a new voice demo. I've been meaning to do this for a while now, and having not recorded one at all last year I've felt that I'm really overdue for a new one. And on the plus side all the new tips and techniques I've learned recording auditions have granted me a lot more experience, so I really think this new one is going to sound a lot better, plus now that I know of some sites to visit to help with some technically stuff I can really working on making it sound much more professional than my earlier demos. The only downer is my new mike still hasn't arrived yet, and until it comes I can't do anything about it yet. The thing is supposed to taken roughly five business days, so hopefully by the beginning of next week it'll finally arrive.

I'm such an idiot. I tried to do something really important yesterday and today I learned that I fucked up royally and lost it all. As usual. I'm such a complete fuckup who can nver do anything right who can't talk right, can never concentrate, and has about 30 different things wrong with him. Maybe I should just do the world a favor and throw my;sefl off a cliff.

So, the big news going on recently is the whole "Marvel Studios has the rights to use Spider-Man." That means he'll be popping up in movies like Avengers in the future and is set to appear in yet another reboot in a few years. It's been making making some commotion with a lot of people and Marvel fans. My response to all this buzz:

"So?"

In all honesty, I'm not interested. Not one bit. I wish I could be, but after all the crap the company has put Spider-Man through in all their other departments I just don't have any reason to be interested in a new series, especially from a studio I've already lost all my love for. Considering the inexplicably stupid decisions the company has approved for the character in both their main comics branch and their television department, I don't see any reason the new movie and the crossovers are going to turn out any better.

The comics were already getting pretty dumb with stories like "the Other" that relied on cheap filler for nearly half of whole story (and it was 12 issues!), but it was One More Day that really made me give up. I won't go into a rant on it here because I think every single point about how much of an insult it is to the character has already been made, so I'd just be beating a dead horse. So long story short, I was one of those fans who quit reading the book in protest. But it didn't end there - out of sheer stupid curiosity I've checked out a few post-OMD issues and have seen that it's only gotten worse. The few stories I've been foolish enough to check out include an arc where the Lizard returns and eats his own son in an absolutely disgusting, needless, tasteless shock death, and the abomination that was Superior Spider-Man which turned Doc Ock into a villain sue while humiliatingly killing the real deal off for a while in a cheap gimmick. After that, I washed my hands off the comics for good.

TV's fared no better. Even after OMD made me give up on the comics Spectacular Spider-Man was there, and in all honesty, I'm sticking by my stance that it wasn't just the best Spider-Man cartoon ever made, it's superior to even the comics. And then that got cancelled because the company got the TV rights back from Sony and replaced it with Ultimate Spider-Man. Before "Ultimate" actually made its debut I actually tried to be optimistic. While nearly everyone else was automatically deriding it for replacing Spectacular, I actually tried to assure everyone that even if it didn't turn out as good as that show it could still have its own strengths. Then I actually watched it and saw that they turned him into egotistical little prick who happily mouths off directly to the audience about doing whatever he wants to rather than doing the right thing. I could maybe forgive the writers "dumbing the show down" for its target audience but taking a character who practically created the motto "with great power comes great responsibility" and then have him say something that ultimately amounts to "Ha-ha! Fuck that!" is nothing short of insulting. That's about as much of a slap in the face to everything the character stands for as All-Star Batman & Robin was for Batman when it turned him into an abusive, murderous lunatic who calls a traumatized kid retarded.

For roughly the past decade Marvel has constantly made these stupid moves when it comes to their so-called flagship character and based on their past history it's all but guaranteed that they'll be doing it with the new MCU films as well. I wish I could say otherwise, but the realist in me says history is just going to repeat. So why bother?

At least we have the Spidey in Lego Marvel Super Heroes.

Oh, wait. That game turned out to be horribly buggy and glitch-filled.

I have had to deal with depression for the longest time in my life, so I know that it's something very difficult to handle. For at least the past 15-16 years I've completely broken down into fits both in private and public, feeling that I don't matter at all, that nothing I do will ever work out, and that maybe it's best if I just bury myself under all my bed sheets and quit. And it's only gotten worse in the last couple of years with recent events. I won't go into to many details, but after everything half the time I'm shutting myself away from both friends and loved ones... what little few I still really have left anyway, and I honestly don't want to keep doing it. I've had more than a few breakdowns in the past and I'm starting to feel that unless I start getting help I'm going to have the big one where I really just give up for good. I'm trying to not turn everyone away anymore, and that's honestly one of the harder things I've found myself doing, but at this point it's better than the alternative.

On the lighter side of things, I've been working on material for a new voice demo. I've been meaning to do this for a while now, and having not recorded one at all last year I've felt that I'm really overdue for a new one. And on the plus side all the new tips and techniques I've learned recording auditions have granted me a lot more experience, so I really think this new one is going to sound a lot better, plus now that I know of some sites to visit to help with some technically stuff I can really working on making it sound much more professional than my earlier demos. The only downer is my new mike still hasn't arrived yet, and until it comes I can't do anything about it yet. The thing is supposed to taken roughly five business days, so hopefully by the beginning of next week it'll finally arrive.

deviantID

A bit of a revamp from my previous deviant account. Right now I'm working in a couple bits of fanimation and audio dubs. I'm also working on a couple projects myself, partially to also help me with my goal of one day becoming a voice actor.

Just for fun I'm also trying my hand at a co-op LP series with a friend of mine, specifically for games that have multi-player campaigns. Here's the list of ones available:

COMPLETED

King of the Monsters 2The Magical Quest 3: Mickey and Donald's Magical AdventureMega Man: The Power BattlesMega Man 2: The Power FightersMetal SlugSailor Moon (super famicom)Sailor Moon RStreets of Rage 2World of Illusion