..... Okay, yeah, I said I'd be visiting sites...but haven't had time. Things have recently gone even further downhill...so I'm trying really hard to get a job right now and help out my family so that I'll actually have the electricity to use the computer. Sorry for not saying anything sooner, and sorry for not visiting sites. Once I have a job, I may b on even less than before...who knows...

Story time, kids! Okay, so I haven't posted in quite soem time...so I figure I should. Maybe I'll start posting more. My last post about mySpace was kind of "random", in that I didn't explain it or anything. So, here's the explination. As i said, story time! I hope to be getting to all your sites soon, but I think i'm getting sick with something, cause I feel like shit. So, maybe in a day or two.

Well, I used to have a myspace before...but this little bitch who was underage(to myspace standards) and harassing me pretended that I was doing the harassing and got my profile deleted. So...here's to hoping she gets hit by a car and never wakes up. ^__^

Why Me?

A story of a smart girl facing a stupid world, full of insane retards and their pointless drama; where age is merely a number, because everyone seems to act five.

Part One:Oh, the Drama!

Part Two:The Retard and the (pretend)Troller

Thursday, July 13, 2006
2:13 PM - HAHAHA!!!
Current mood: amused

Once upon a time, there was a smart person, and she had a friend on her myspace. His name was Suuki-kun. Just as all her friends, he became important to her. One day, something happened(she still doesn't know what), but Suuki-kun's girlfriend started being a real jerk to him. She said things like 'U NEVER LOVED ME!', 'U NEVER MENT ANYTING U SAID!' and 'I DIDNT KNOW U HATE ME THIS MUCH!'...and it really pissed the smart person off because she's dealt with suicidal people many times, and knows that freaking out like an idiot isn't the way to go. So she desperately tried to make her friend feel better so he wouldn't kill himself, while also trying to help his scary girlfriend out by sending her a nice long message asking her to be calm and just be nice:

To:Ritsuka: starting to feel better,still hurt though
Date: Jul 9, 2006 11:15 AM
Subject: Hello...
Body: Ritsuka-san...I don't know what's happened between you and Suuki-kun, but he's my friend as well. I don't know about you, but I've been in too many situations where my friends are ready to kill themselves. I had an abusive boyfriend who was always ready to kill himself in front of me. You have to calm down, okay? I know you always type in caps in his comments, but it makes you seem way hyped up. I don't mean this to harm you in any way, I'm just trying to help. I'm going to try talking with him, if he'll let me. But you need to be calm and reassuring for him. Right now, he's the one getting worked up, so it doesn't help if you do, too. That's really all I can think of to say.

But this apparently did not work, as she continued to make stupid comments. Finally, the smart person got really irritated.

Ritsuka: starting to feel better,still hurt though
7/11/2006 9:05 AM
I DIDN'T KNOW, U HATE ME THIS MUCH TO DON'T TALK TO ME, HUH...? YOU DON'T WANT US TO GET BEACK WITH EACH-OTHER... THAT'S WHY YOUR NOT SAYING ANYTHING... -cries- You Rather, Lissen To Your FRIEND, Instead Of Your G.F. Who Is Hurt, And Crying Every Day & Night... Waiting For Her Loved-1 To talk To Me..........

That's the one that did it, and this was the smart girl's reply:

Shinigami
7/11/2006 12:56 PM
Man...grow up a little, okay, Ritsuka-san? Maybe he's listening to what I say because I make sense when I talk? Don't sob and whine about what happened because $10 says it's not just HIS fault. And, just so that you know, I'm not trying to influence his decisions in any way, NOR have I ever once told him what to do. He does what he wants, and I respect that. In case you didn't notice, he hasn't been on MySpace in days, so he hasn't responded to anyone on here, not just YOU. Maybe he needs a little time to cool off and think. Do you know how selfish it is to sit there and make it all about you by saying things like 'I DIDNT KNOW U HATE ME THIS MUCH!'? He's hurt, too, you know! And if you cared at all about HIS feelings, and if you REALLY wanted to get back together, you wouldn't keep saying things like that! You'd be reassuring him that you love him no matter what and that you're sorry for what happened(whether it was your fault or not) and asking him to just let you guys put it behind you so you can move on in the relationship, because losing TRUE love over a fight is dumb...but then again, you make it seem like it isn't true. I say all this because it's what I would do. Am I wrong? I'm not going to question his feelings, because all I've seen out of him is hurt and self-loathing. You cry and blame him. I'm questioning your feelings. I'm just doing what friends are supposed to do, and you making a big deal out of that is really pathetic and also shows you have no faith in him what-so-ever. You can go ahead and say whatever you want after this, but I won't take it seriously, because you're letting your stupid little emotions rule you instead of being calm like I told you. Hopeless case.

Next thing you know, the girlfriend starts magically following the advice and saying how she loves him and posts at least one lovey-dovey thing a day, trying to get him back. Sadly, Suuki-kun has yet to return to MySpace, and the smart girl is hoping he won't become another ShikamaruKnowsAll. At MyOtaku, that person disappeared and never returned. One can only guess what happened, and that's very unpleasant, to put it nicely. So, the smart girl told the girlfriend how transparent her lovey-dovey posts are, because she's really tired of the drama.

Lovely story, no? But, unfortunately, it came out with a sequel when a retard sent a message to the smart girl. Let's read it together, now!

okay you don't know me but i know exactly who u r .
u know i might of not had a problem with u before but u messed with my family and i don't like that at all!
u know ritsuka, suuki's GIRLFRIEND . well she is my cousin and i don't care if u don't belive me but at least i know i'm saying the truth.i really think that u should not have any part in their relationship . they should solve their problems on their own.u know i think u only interfear because u ENVY cousin because suuki likes her and NOT U.if u really care for suuki like u say i would recomend u not to be talking shit about my cousin in his profile because no matter how hurt they might be they still LOVE each other and he could get really pist at u . u know if my cousin is feling upset because suuki hasn't talk to her don't worrie about it let them solve their problems.why do u call my cuzin inmature if u r the 1 having fun by writeing on ur arm, o like that proves ur really mature ,i'm younger than u and i stoped doing that in 1st grade.another thing, u might think ur a goth but the way u use ur makeup makes u look more like a clown.On ur comment u don't make sense it kind of sounds like a 3 year old wrote the comments. one last thing if u want to say some thing to my cousin messege her in other words say it to her face (if ur not afraid i mean)
u can say what ever u want about us but just remmember this "clik ur heels together and say i need a life because if i'm talking about somebody alses i don't have one"
if u want to say some thing about me make shur u say it to me don't post comments about me in other peoples profiles! u can find me in ritsukas friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

haha. You're really funny. In fact, I laughed out loud when I read your message. Look, sweetheart, if you had any respect for your dear little cousin you'd let her fight her own battles because you make her look weak and unable to take care of herself. You're just another pathetic little person who sticks up for their friend because the friend CAN'T stick up for themselves. And do you know why? Because she can't justify what she's doing. And I'll let you in on a little secret: if Suuki-kun doesn't want me in it, he'll tell me so, himself. Free speech may be a new thing to you, but I can say whatever I feel like. She says mean things to him in his comments, I tell her why it's stupid. I don't give a crap about you, nor her. Jealous of her? You make me laugh. Unlike you, I don't have any strange motives for what I do. Purely because it's what I feel is right and what I feel like doing. We may both be 17, but her maturity level is so far below mine, it must be in the negatives. Now, I'll let you in on another little secret: don't stick your nose into things that have nothing to do with you. She may be your cousin, but my talking to her has nothing to do with you. If she wants to say something, then she can go right ahead. She's just a selfish little brat who thinks playing the crying, jealous girlfriend is going to get him to take her back. If he loves her, he will. If not, then not. Either way, as I told him, I'm behind him 100%. If he told me to apologize, I would, because my friends mean a lot to me. Don't play that "if u mess wit my family u mess wit me" mafia bullshit because I'm not buying it. Don't like that? Go cry me a river and drown yourself in it.

Oh, and the whole trying to make me feel bad by insulting me? Really mature. By the way, I was trying to help your dear cousin get him back at first, telling her to try and be calm, because we don't want anyone to kill themselves...but she totally ignored the advice and continued on with her putrid drivel. So instead of being smart about it, she spazzed out, and now wonders why he hasn't said anything to her. So, I point it out to her. Big deal. What, she gonna cry about it? How old is she again? How old did you say you were?

You really have to stop pretending to be an adult who sees the big picture, when you're really just a little punk. Now go mind your own shit before I get angry. ^_^

This is the retards reply to something they obviously dont understand.

LOOK IN THE FIRST PLACE SHE HAS NO IDEA THAT I SAID THIS TO U! AND I WILL TELL U THAT IF U MESS WITH MY FAMILY U MESS WITH ME! I DON'T KNOW HOW THE FUCK UR FAMILY ACTS BUT IN MY FAMILY WE ALL HAVE EACHOTHERS BACK! BITCH WHY THE FUCK DO YOU TELL ME TO MIND MY OWM BISSNES ,IF MY FAMILY IS MY BUISSNES .AND HONEY WHY DON'T U FOLLOW MY OWN EDVICE U WANT TO KNOW MY AGE 13 AND SO MUCH MATURE THAN U !MY COUSIN DID FOLLW UR ADVICE AT FIRST BUT THAN U STARTED WITH UR SHIT AND SHE DECIDED THAT UR ADVICE WAS STUPID.+

Caps? Cute. ^_^ Again, insulting doesn't work on me. Your words are empty threats and don't bother me in the least. See, you're not being calm at all. Spazzing must run in the family, eh? in any case, I didn't say your family wasn't your business, I said the conversation between myself and her is none of your business. Do you listen in every time your dear mommies talks on the phone? She didn't ask for your help. You're making her look even worse. And she never did calm down, so, no, she didn't listen. She doesn't like me because she thinks I'm some kind of special friend to him. Well, the only jealousy is in her head. People on the outside of a situation generally think more clearly than those who don't. Oh, and your age? Not impressive. You're about as mature as the five year old next door-and he types better than you do. You've obviously too young to understand anything I say. I'm sorry that my vocabulary level is too high for you and that's why you think I make no sense. And you also obviously know nothing about relationships or love. You talk like someone who thinks they know a lot, but really know nothing, and come off stupid because of it, but think that they sound really smart. Just like your little cousin, you can say whatever from here, but I won't take you seriously. I'll just laugh. And if you continue to waste my inbox space, I'll just block you. Because your words mean nothing to me, and you're wasting your time.

AS I SAID BEFORE I DON'T CARE WHAT U SAY TO ME OR ABOUT ME IN THE LAEST. I JUST WANT U TO LEAVE MY COUSIN AND HER RELATION SHIP ALONE .THE CONVERSATIN IS MY BUISSNES BECAUSE SHE IS TRYING TO BE NICE TO THEIR IS A LIMIT TO EVRY THING AND WHEN U GET TO HERS AND MINE U R GOING TO SEE WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE U R DEALING WITH.SWEETHART AS U SAY I'M NOT MAKING HER LOOK BAD I'M JUST PROVING THAT SHE HAS SOMEBODY TO BACK HER UP.SEE UR VOCABULARY DOSEN'T GIVE ME TROUBLE IT'S JUST THE WAY UEXPRESS UR SELF IN A SENTENSE APERANTLY THE DIDN'T TEACH HOW TO WRITE IN FIRST GRADE.GO AHEAD AND BLOCK ME THE ONLY THING U PROVE IS THAT UR AFRAID OF ME .THOUGH UR WRITE ABOUT MY CAPS THEY R CUTE BUT NEXT TIME GO BUY A PIGGY BANK AND SAVE UR COMMENTS.ONE LAST THING HONEY THE LITTLE PHRASE ON UR PROFILE THAT SAYS THE WORD PERFECT DOSEN'T EXIST IT'S BECAUSE PERFECTION IS A THING THAT EVRY BODY HAS EXCEP U AND U WANT IT .
IF U WANT ME TO STOP BOTHERING U STOP MESSING WITH MY FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is the passed irritated smart reply to someone who cant control themselves.

Hahaha! Look, cupcake, I'll do whatever I want. All you can do is sit back and watch. I'm not scared of you or your little family. You sit around and throw insults because you can't come up with anything logical to say. Whoohoo. I'm so impressed. You sitting around getting all emotional and angry about it just makes me laugh more. I don't care who's backing her up, and if it's you, I'll have no problems. Now, be a good little girl and shut up, because your ranting is boring. You're too caught up in your own trip to see what's going on around you. You keep talking and talking-such boring drivel. It makes me laugh and then I yawn. I don't know where you get the impression that I'm afraid-it's all in your head, just like her jealousy. Now, I'm sorry she can't handle herself and needs people to back her up, but that's not my problem. Talk, talk, talk...talk your life away. Nothing you can say will make me care. Your little messages are pointless and stupid, because I don't care. I read a sentence or two, and get too bored to read the rest. You're not accomplishing anything. I hope sitting there throwing insults makes you feel like the big adult you wish you were. I'm sorry you can't find anything important to say, so you sit there and rant and get angry. The more you say, the more I laugh. Cause and effect.

P.S. Sorry, true perfection doesn't exist. Everything is flawed in some way, except, say, a sunset, or a beautiful river. But then again, some people don't think that those things are beautiful. People are the least perfect of everything in this world. I hate to burst your bubble, but perfection is a matter of opinion, just like beauty, right and wrong, smart and stupid. Just because you say something is ugly or stupid doesn't mean it is. Your opinion isn't the law of the universe, nor do I value said opinion in any way. So, once again, you're wasting your time. *yawn*

And this is the retards reply when they can think of no more good insults for the day.

WELL i need to get some sleep so that i don't end up like u ,but if u want to continue this conversation i will be on from 8:05 till 10:18
sweet dreams if u dream with me they will be sweet!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is the reply of the person who just wants to be left the fuck alone and is tired of retards.

Yet, so funny, you keep on wasting it. You must really enjoy my company. Too bad the feeling's not mutual. You're pretty obsessed over me; always have to have the last word. You remind me of one of those psycho fangirls who start trying to trash their idol because he's getting married or something. Sorry, kiddo, I'm not les. Even if I were to switch over to girls, it wouldn't be for a dirty little punk like you. Let's be serious. Well, I hope you got what you wanted. I'm sure it's lonely sleeping by yourself. If you want to have a nice dream about me, I guess I don't mind. Have a nice life. ^_^

The moral of this story? Retards are really freaking retarded. Thank you, and good night.

Author's commentary: You know what? I was wrong, I actually quote Yuki three times. Haha. Lyss, if there's one thing I learned from that troller on your LJ, it's how to be a real son of a bitch. I could have done the usual and gotten all really pissed, emotional, and ended up in a flame-war yelling match...but it's much better to be calm. That way she ends up looking even more retarded than she is. Not that I enjoy it, I hate what trollers do, but I thought it was a better way to just go about it. What drama. I hate this kind of bullshit. I couldn't fucking sleep the other night because of it, trying to think up the best kind of reply to the next stupid thing she would say. I DID at last fall asleep when i decided on saying that and blocking her. Because I don't care what she thinks of me. Then I slept till 2:30 PM! D= That really sucks. DAMN FRICKING STUPID ASS RETARDS!

On a side note, Zac only gave me a B- on my pissing-people-off skills, and he was right to do so. Oh well, it's not like I do it all the time, so how should I know? lol So..I got the bitch's profile deleted, but she got mine deleted before hers got to be. Pisses me off. *sigh*

Eh... Okay, yeah, I know. Haven't updated. I'm just going to put what I put on LJ and MySpace(because I hardly visit those, either)...sorry for not being around, people. If you guys want, feel free to email or whatever..I just don't feel like keeping up with all these journal/blog things anymore...

SO. Haven't written here in a while. Don't care, either. The point of a journal is supposed to be...something you can put your thoughts/feelings/etc into...but who would want to remember half this depressing shit? So you can pull it out later and show your kids "Look, I wanted to kill myself, too! I know how you feel." If I even have any...I don't know. Life is just pissing me off. Everything that can go wrong has gone wrong, and it's very irritating. A person can only take so much, and then what? If you're going to give up, you may as well die. Suicide is selfish-so where does that leave you? When you think about it, you have no choice but to take everything life throws at you. What are people supposed to do when they reach their limits? Scream? Break something? Running away is impossible, because while you may leave your life behind, the feelings from it will haunt you forever. Is life too short, or too long?

If God exists, I'm sure he's enjoying fucking us all over.

I'm so tired. Physically...emotionally..."why must I feel this way? Just make this go away..."

Might go see my dad in June...it's been about a year since I've seen him. I'm not sure whether to be happy about it or not...it just hurts more.

I feel like I'm getting old. Like before you knwo it, I'll be this old, wrinkly granny...it's so stressful. I feel like I'm admitting that I'm still depressed. And I guess soemtimes I am. Maybe it's just how hot it is today. 92 degrees. I'm just...so tired.Comments (2) | Permalink

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Soooo... Yeah, it's me again. I tried to get to some sites tonight. Sorry to anyone I missed...

I've been a little busy and life has been a bitch. What more can I say? Well...I suppose there's a lot more I could say...but I'd rather not say it.

Reenie, my mom's friend, is in the hospital. Apparently she had kidney failure and a heart attack. She's okay, though. She called here earlier this evening.

Umm...I had this weird dream again. I've had similar ones before. They each start with some event or another...and I end up running through this...empty neighborhood. I run down blocks, through alleys and cut through backyards, but there's no people. I never go to knock on anyone's door. I have some goal in mind, but I just keep running over and over. Sometimes I'll somehow get trapped in this one backyard with a very tall fence and I have to climb to their roof, go to the front of the house and jump down to escape. I never make it to whatever goal. Anybody know what that could mean? *shrugs*

Started putting back up the story that FFN deleted. I met this guy the other night-well, he IMed me randomly. Apparently he plays guitar and is in this band called...the iBand. Or something. Their music seems cool. We talked for a while and it appears he lives...erm...not very far from me. Since i saw pics of him on his website, I let him see me on the MySpace...(his band is on MySpace too)...he did ask some questions like "Are you single?" and my age...and then if I had a webcam, but I had to go to bed. Saved by the late hour. lol He's 23-and I admit, I'm freaked he's going to ask me out. Why? Because I told myself I wouldn't date someone that much older than me again until I was 18 or older. So, what the big deal? Just tell him no and it's all good, right? I don't know...my mom's always said I'm sensitive to other's feelings and can pick up on them easily. I don't like being mean to people(unless it's someone I WANT to be mean to)...but, well, he doesn't really know me. So it doesn't matter too much.

I've babbled enough. Take care, everyone! I'll get to my PMs later today, hopefully! Oyasumi!
-------------------------------------------------
"I wish I could gather all my tears and fucking drown you in them."
-------------------------------------------------

Valentine's Day... ...was yesterday. I know. Sorry I ahven't gotten to sites...which also means you have no reason to come to mine. Life just sucks right now...but let's try not to focus on that. This is the email I sent out for V-Day to friends and such:

"HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!!!!!

February 14th. The day made up by card and candy companies to make people feel like crap. It's working, isn't it?

But fear not! Better days will come.

Until then, know that even if no one else loves you, I do.

And if that isn't more than enough, I should be very insulted. Should be.

Lots o' Love and...COOKIES!

Elena

P.S. To all those who get balloons, teddy bears, chocolate, cards and lovesick people thrown at their feet...STUFF IT."

Lovely, no? Well, I guess that's all. New background since a few days ago, too. It more fits my mood. Ja ne.
-------------------------------------------------
I don't care anymore
If I let you down...
I believe that I need
To be free...
-------------------------------------------------Comments (4) | Permalink

Saturday, February 11, 2006

... Sorry I haven't been around...life sucks.

It’s snowing. I used to be happy when it snowed…but right now, everything is ugly and depressing. It’s like the earth is being covered in a purity that mankind doesn’t deserve. Yesterday my mom was telling me how the only reason Erik makes me feel bad is because I let him. It’s true, I know-but it doesn’t make me feel any better knowing it. Since the really bad fight, I’ve been pretty calm when dealing with him…on the outside anyway. Inside I want to scream and beat his face in. I told my mom I wanted two or three more piercings in my left ear, but she won’t let me. She says it’s against the church and blah blah blah. So…when I’m 18, I’ll just go get it done on my own. Maybe I’d like a tattoo…the symbol for meiyo, which is honor. I don’t know…does it seem like I’m just trying to rebel or something? There’s a little bird sitting in the bush outside the window…trying to protect himself from the snow storm. I’m tired of going through storm after storm…will it never end?

When you walk
Through a storm
Hold your head
Up high…
And don’t be afraid
Of the dark…
At the end
Of the storm
Is a golden sky
And the sweet
Silver song
Of a lark…
Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Though your dreams
Be tossed and blown…
Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you’ll never walk alone
You’ll never walk alone…

My mom introduced me to that song long ago. It’s hard to really think of it in times like this. Reenie just called. *groan* she has some stupid party going on…I don’t want to go. I don’t think I can anyway. I have an awful lot of chores to do…and dinner to make. I just can’t go relax at some party. Well, Jeremy and his girlfriend are over. I don’t mind, but still…well, I have to go do chores anyway. Seems that tehy're buying us Chinese food tonight...means I don't have to cook. yay. Tiff rocks, Gina sucks. I mean, Tiff is kinda an old family friend(well, we're friends with her whole family) so she's like family already...but Gina...yuck. It feels like Gina's always watching and judging you. Cause she has this problem with thinking everyone judges her, so she's always watching everyone so if they say something she has something to say back. what an idiot. Well, duty calls. Ja ne.
-------------------------------------------------
You couldn't say
"Needed someone new."
You actually thought
That deep inside I knew...
Can you tell me
How can you say
Why this should suffice...
You passed me by
In your heart as cold as ice.
-------------------------------------------------

OMAE O KOROSU! That's right, I can type Japanese now! Some of you may not be able to see it correctly if your computer doesn't have the option on. And I actually know what I'm writing, too. I learned that their keyboard symbols are based on the sounds and so you put the sounds together and you get the word. I'd give an example but MyO doesn't support the characters properly, it seems. I know that it is accurate though, since I do know how to write SOME words-like names-and they come out correctly. So I'm happy about that.

And, I'm happy that you guys are so on my side about the FFN thing. It makes me feel a ton better. So thanks so much, you guys!

Umm...I got really mad at Erik again today. He's getting me to the point that I hate him as much as Gina. So I told him Gina's trash and so is he and he says "I'm about five seconds from throwing this bowl at you." so I said go ahead and do it then! See what happens, you son of a bitch. Of course, that pissed him off. I find I'm swearing a lot more these days. Once he left I was just so frustrated...my mom and I were talking about it and i just yelled. It made me so mad. "This is so fucking ridiculous!" luckily, my mom didn't say anything about it-she knows how it isn't cause she's said it a few times, herself because things are just so stressful around here. I'm gonan end up with grey hair before I'm 20 and dead before i'm 30. -_- that's life, eh?

I guess I can't think of much else to say. I'm still mad, So I'm off to write more. Seifer's sarcasm is good for me. Oyasumi.
-------------------------------------------------
It didn't take long for half the wusses to drop out. Rinoa could hold her own surprisingly well, but I wasn't going to lose to her. "12." Shit! Another half bottle! I can handle it. I continued to act like I'd only had two beers, but my vision was getting blurry. I can't see what number that is... "What number is that?"

"That's nasty. Yer so shit faced, ya should just give up." Then I won't have to worry about anything.

"Noooo way! Caussse if I win..." She went to a whisper. "I think I'll bring yoooou to my house."

"Like ya'ill win." I pulled the dice close and had a better look at them. "It's an 8!"

She smiled. "We're the only onesss left, soooo you have to kiss me!"

"What the hell are you doing, Seifer?" I turned around, looking for the face to match the pissy voice. There was a blur of black, white and brown behind me.

"Squaaall?" It came out slurred.

"You're wasted. You idiot, I told you not to come here." Where you watching the whole time...?

"Hey, I get to kiss the guy of my choice!" I jumped up a bit too fast, and fell into Squall, who, for being so small, held me up pretty well. I pressed my lips to his and he pushed me away, leaving me to land on my ass. "Ow...that hurt ya bastard."

"You taste disgusting!"

"You're ruining my party, Ssssquall!" She didn't get up from her chair, though.

"Do you think I care? I have to help this asshole study tomorrow and I'm sick of your bullshit anyway." He had a hard time, but helped me up. "Don't try to kiss me again or I'll knock you out and leave you here."

"Yeah, yeah. I got it."

"You'll be sssorry for this Sssquall!"

"Whatever."

~!~!~!~

He dumped me in my dorm and started to leave. No goodbye?

"Wait!"

He looked back at me, but, surprisingly, he didn't look too annoyed. "What?"

I wanted to ask...does this mean you care?

But it came out as: "You want to stay here tonight?"

"No!" He stomped off.

"Ok, ok, ok." I sighed and flopped onto my bed. I guess by morning you'll think I only wanted you because I was drunk...I wish it was that simple.

I got THIS email last night(and haven't slept since and it's fricking 7:30 AM):"Shinigami Akumu,

Title: "What's a Few Years?"
Summary: "[humor romance angst] After spending more time with Ed,
Russell starts to feel strangely towards him. Could it be love? Roy’s liked
the little alchemist for quite some time now, but how can he compete
with a guy like that?"
Rating: "Fiction Rated: M"

Main reason for removal: "Not the property of uploading writer Please
note we do not allow users to post lyrics to songs they did not write.
Exception being works in the US public domain."

The above story has been removed because it violated the guideline
detailed on the upload page.

This infraction has been recorded and once you reach a certain limit,
your account be automatically banned. Moreover, as a result of this
infraction, you will not have upload access for a period of time.

FanFiction.Net has a set of guidelines for the uploading of stories and
chapters.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.fanfiction.net/guidelines/
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------"

What kind of shit is THAT?! So, I wrote them this message:"It may seem a little odd, but I'm not reporting a user's abuse-but what I believe to be an error from an admin. I received this email:

"Shinigami Akumu,

Title: "What's a Few Years?"
Summary: "[humor romance angst] After spending more time with Ed,
Russell starts to feel strangely towards him. Could it be love? Roy’s liked
the little alchemist for quite some time now, but how can he compete
with a guy like that?"
Rating: "Fiction Rated: M"

Main reason for removal: "Not the property of uploading writer Please
note we do not allow users to post lyrics to songs they did not write.
Exception being works in the US public domain."

The above story has been removed because it violated the guideline
detailed on the upload page.

This infraction has been recorded and once you reach a certain limit,
your account be automatically banned. Moreover, as a result of this
infraction, you will not have upload access for a period of time.

FanFiction.Net has a set of guidelines for the uploading of stories and
chapters.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.fanfiction.net/guidelines/
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------"

First and foremost, that story was last edited by me in Microsoft Works on 10-03-05 and probably completed and put up even before that. That change was made to your guidelines on 11-03-05, which is a month later. I had other stories going on at the time, as well. And so you're implying...that I'm supposed to remember every detail of every work I publish on here and keep going back over and over to change it each time you add something new to the guidelines? Moreover, why could I not have received a warning of some type telling me I have a certain amount of time to edit out the lyrics before you delete the story? Wouldn't that be the practical thing to do? Why remove my story for somthing so small? Also, I'd like you to elaborate on this specific guideline, if you would. Why is it there when most people's one-shots revolve around a favorite or fitting song? Does this mean you're going to delete everyone's one-shots? That could make you end up banning a lot of people if they've written several of them-considering we only get so many stories deleted before we're banned. That, in turn, would cause a lot of controversy. Note also that, in the guidelines, you don't give a link to this list of songs in the "public domain", nor do you explain what you mean by it. Again, that guideline wasn't there when I posted that story, so i don't see how it is fair to give me trouble for it. I believe I may also have lyrics in another story, which, again, was probably posted before this guideline came to be. I was planning to remove the lyrics from the story you deleted anyway, as they didn't sit well with me, when I had more time to mess with it. AdultFanFiction net is a pretty big site as well, and I don't believe they have any such guideline. From day one on here I was nervous about the rules and thus, have followed them to the best of my ability-I'm only human. I find the action taken against me ridiculous for such a petty mistake. If we cannot come to some kind of understanding(be it you proving me wrong and showing this guideline's catastrophic importance or allowing me to put the story back and just remove the lyrics) then I will take my writing somewhere else, because this is an outrage.

I sincerely apologize if I have offended anyone in any way with this message, but this offends me greatly, and I can guarantee the same reaction for the hundreds of people who have told me they enjoy my work so much.

Thank you for your time and cooperation,
Shinigami Akumu"

THIS is what's written in their guidelines:
“Version: 11-03-2005
Actions not allowed:
1.Multiple entries of the same material. There can only be one copy of any unique story on the entire site. No exceptions.
2.Rewriting names of characters/locations of one story in order to upload to multiple categories.
3.Copying from a previously published work (including musical lyrics) not in the public domain.”

So, seeing as that message may just piss them off further, because people have this ugly tendency to think they're always right, I have posted that all up on my profile for FFN(and they won't let me upload chapter to any stories until freaking 2-4-06!)...because if I get banned, not only do I want people to know and get mad about it(they should be mad a story they liked so much was removed)but I want them to be able to contact me, so they'll know where I'll be putting my work. So for hours I've been gathering email addressed and writing PMs...and that's all done, thankfully. i couldn't get it to everyone, I was too tired. Cause damn FFN doesn't let you copy/paste of click emails...you have to type them for yourself. So it took forever.

This is...just what I need, isn't it? One of the few things that I really enjoy that I seem to be really good at(well, mostly people have only said good things...not to mention it requires less uh...whatever than piano and singing and stuff, really...)...and someone just has to go and fuck with ti, you know? Well, i suppose that's the story of my freaking life. It seems like everytime this family FINALLY gets something going for them...something bad happens. I'm so sick of it. and god damn it my mom and I were supposed to go out and have fun today!!! We were going to go grocery shopping and then stop at the bookstore, just to look like we often do, and then come home and play Bust a Move 2(the ONE video game she likes)or whatever other games and stuff...I mean, it was just supposed to be a nice day. We'd get out of the house for a bit and enjoy ourselves. But this kinda killed it because it really upsets me...and then my mom woke up at 6:30 AM and asked why i was still awake, so I told her the story...she wasn't happy either. She figures some admin just happened to have a bug up their ass at the moment-or someone would have had to report it. But she agrees that just deleting my story was pretty rude...for something so stupid, too. anyway, she went back to bed...don't know if I can sleep now. I'm tired, but...I know she'll let me sleep a while since she knows and then our fun day goes down the toilet...*sigh* fuck this shit-I hate my life.
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"Life fucking sucks, and then you die."

Naaaaaa.... Another quick post for I am tired once again. Not much going on, I guess...I've been doing my chores and such better, so things have been well with that. It makes my mom happy and gives her less work so that's fine. Erik's an ass like usual. But what can I do? Jeremy's been going out with some girl a lot and staying out really late...so he can't be depended on anymore it seems. God, my brothers make me fucking SICK. Big Mr. Tough guys and then give them some girl and they latch onto her and become fucking pansies. *sigh* Excuse my language, it just pisses me off. So of course Jeremy never remembers to feed the cats before he goes and unless I leave him a note hanging in the doorway with string, he won't remember...so I do it myself. Look! fucking 3 AM and he's not home and the cats aren't fed. They shouldn't have to wait till 3 AM! Assholes can't say I'm not hauling my load around here...*another sigh* screw them. All the responsibility seems to be on me now....but I can handle it...I hope. Well, I have no choice. If I want this family to make it, I just have to keep going, no matter what. Perhaps some of you are thinking "ha ha, so melodramatic! She sounds like she's going to die!" Well...ha ha ha-it's not very funny. This family is in big financial doo-doo...and unless i can help my mom get a second job(preferably one I can run from home with the computer while she works) and a better paying normal job than she has now...it doesn't look good. We've been using the money out of my dad's pension(sp?)...that's how we've been surviving. And there's hardly $5,000 left. Everything is expensive these days...especially groceries. There's five people here with stupid Erik now, so groceries are soemtimes almost $200 a week. So we're cutting back on stuff...can kiss soda(aka pop) goodbye...I only had chips once and while, but no more of those...basically, only things we REALLY need. Phone bill is freaking $200 a month because the bastard collect call companies are such assholes...so when my dad calls, it costs us a lot. I offered to give my mom all my money today if she wanted it(I only have $20...)but she refused...wait, maybe I should just erase all this...why be so honest and open about it all of a sudden? I don't want......you all have your own things to worry about...I hate burdening people with my problems anyway.

I was telling a friend...how normal girls just have to worry about boyfriends and their looks, school and having enough money from their allowance to hang out at the mall. I...kind of wish I could worry about stupid things like that...you know? I don't even have time for a boyfriend because of all my responsibilities...nor do I really have time to hang out with 'friends'-I can't exactly drag my little brother all over just so I can have a few hours or fun. I've never had an allowance...we've always been expected to do our chores for free.
Sometimes...I wish I was one of those normal girls.

Sometimes.....I wish......
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He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme I know...
He’s as damned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold...
And if I try to save him
My whole world would cave in...
It just ain't right
Lord, it just ain't right...

Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after...
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster.
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter...
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster?

He's magic and myth
As strong as what I believe...
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see...
And do I try to change him?
So hard not to blame him...
Hold me tight
Baby, hold me tight...

Oh 'cause I don't know
I don't know what he's after...
But he’s so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster.
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter...
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster?

I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical...
I'm searching for some kind of miracle
Waited so long...
So long...

He’s soft to the touch
But frayed at the end he breaks...
He’s never enough
And still he's more than I can take...
Oh 'cause I don't know
I don't know what he's after...
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster.
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter...
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster?