Browse all oneliners

If a vegetarian is someone who eats vegetables, what does that make a humanitarian?

1083

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base.

1084

If a word in the dictionary were mispelled, how would we know?

1085

If absence makes the heart grow fonder, some people must really love church.

1086

If aliens are smart enough to travel through space, why do they keep abducting the dumbest people on Earth?

1087

If all brides are beautiful, where do ugly wives come from ?

1088

If all else fails, read the directions.

1089

If all is not lost, where is it?

1090

If all our national holidays were observed on wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.

1091

If all the cars on the Earth were lined up bumper to bumper, some idiot would try to pass them.

1092

If all the girls in Australia were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.

1093

If all the misfortunes were laid in one common heap whence everyone must take an equal portion, most people would be contented to take their own and depart.

1094

If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?

1095

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

1096

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they still working?

1097

If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

1098

If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great literary works in Braille.