Saturday, April 30, 2011

My friend E is getting married today (so excited for her!), and all of my pregnant friends are going to be there, so if you could say a prayer for me I would really, really appreciate it! I just don't want to break down at E's wedding and call all sorts of attention to myself. I also want to be able to be charitable (in thought AND action) toward my pregnant friend who won't take pills. Thank you all so, so much! I'll let you know how it goes (I'm sure you'll be waiting on pins and needles! lol). :)

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

1) I just want to reflect a little bit on my spiritual progress (or non-progress...still not quite sure! lol) from this Lent. :) At first, the no TV and no facebook was chafing (I really, really missed Fronti.erville!). I was bored all the time and I was so used to having the TV on as "background noise" that the constant silence was pretty unnerving. However, now I'm used to it, and I'm not sure I'll ever go back to facebook (which I also consider "noise"), and we definitely won't be watching TV as much, because we got rid of cable to save some money! :) I'm still a bit torn about facebook, because it's how pretty much everybody I know communicates, and I feel like I'm being an inconvenience, but whenever I think about reactivating my account, I start feeling uneasy. I think there are a few reasons for this: 1) It's a huge distraction, and I'm lazy enough as it is. 2) I tend to compare myself to everybody, and facebook just exacerbates this. 3) Total self-preservation. Almost all of my married friends are pregnant. So I don't know...what do y'all think? What would you do?

2) I've been a lot more at peace with my infertility throughout this Lent, which I'm sure has something to do with giving up face.book and my prayer buddy! I still have sad moments, but I'm learning to trust my Father's will. I've finally realized that I most often have "down" moments when I start to think about how "everybody" is pregnant except for me. So far, I don't really have any way of dealing with these thoughts, other than pushing them away by sheer force of will. lol I should probably PRAY when these temptations arise, huh? :) So right now, I'm trying to figure out what God wants me to do with my life while I wait to fulfill my vocation. :) Please pray for me!

3) Boomz and I had a little "incident" on Holy Saturday. A package with no return address was shipped to his mother's house but was addressed to him, and it was a beautiful rosary from Irela.nd made from conn.emara marble. I instantly knew it was from his ex-girlfriend, and I was ANGRY. Like SUPER angry. Not at my husband, but at HER, as I kept calling her (I know, not exactly charitable! :/). Boomz kept insisting that it probably wasn't from her, but I knew it was because of the town on the post mark (or whatever it's called).

Let me explain a little about why I was so angry. She's kind of still obsessed with my husband, even though they haven't seen each other in years. She randomly texts him sometimes (not on a regular basis or anything), saying things like, "Why do I still miss you?". Boomz doesn't answer them, of course. She also hates me for "stealing" him from her when I came home from the convent. I just think that giving him the (expensive) rosary was totally inappropriate. So I guess I'm asking-do you think it was inappropriate of HER ;) to send this to my husband? Or am I just a crazy person?

Sunday, April 24, 2011

This Lent, I had the honor of praying for Phillippians 4:6! She recently found out she's pregnant, and I was so excited for her (although it happened before I started praying for her, so I can't get any credit for it. ;) )! Congratulations, M! :) I'll continue to pray for you!

Monday, April 18, 2011

Yes, ladies, after four months of waiting, I've finally started my period! :) Praise the Lord! I was only 8 days past what I'm pretty sure was my peak day, but hey, I'll take it. With CD1 comes renewed hope...

I really should have known it was coming. My bbs were tender and bigger, and I was hugely bloated. I just thought I was gaining weight or something, because I obviously wasn't pregnant, but starting my period didn't even enter my mind because I hadn't had one for so long! lol Now my only question is...Was this a result of my estrodial and prometrium or did my body do it on its own? Hmmm...

Thursday, April 14, 2011

1) The other night before we fell asleep, Boomz and I were holding hands and he started thumb-wrestling with me! Of course, it wasn't a fair fight, because his thumbs are so much bigger than mine, so he let me use my index finger to help. :) I still lost, but I thought that was just so cute. :)

2) He remembered that I wanted the third Kristin Lavransdatter book (The Cross. Seriously EVERYONE should read these books. They come highly recommended by Leila! :) ), and he got it for me for our anniversary, even though we said we weren't getting each other anything. :) I thought it was so wonderful that he remembered-he even got the right translator!

Okay, onto my thyroid question. For the past few months (maybe longer than a few months, I'm not really sure), I've been getting 7-8 hours of sleep and I still wake up exhausted. Sometimes, I'll wake up in the middle of the night wide awake (usually around 3-5 AM) and won't be able to go back to sleep because my mind is racing and my heart is pounding really fast and hard. If I DO fall asleep, I'm in that stupid half-asleep state. It's been really bad the last couple of weeks. I've been sleeping on the couch half the time so I don't keep Boomz awake with my tossing and turning. Does this have anything to do with my thyroid? My gut tells me it does, but I want to know what you experts know! :)

Thursday, April 7, 2011

A couple of weeks ago, Boomz and I went to see Dr. Jan.et Smi.th give her Contra.ception, Wh.y No.t presentation at the college we went to. Before the talk, some people that I haven't seen in awhile approached me and started asking me what I'm doing nowadays, and somehow children were brought up (maybe I brought up the little boy I babysit for? I can't remember), and this acquaintance said, "You should be expecting your own little one soon!"

Ugh.

What do I say to that, especially to a male acquaintance who I never really see? "Why, yes, yes I SHOULD be expecting my own little one, but, unfortunately I'm as barren as a brick! Thanks for reminding me!"

I ended up just saying something like, "Well, we're having a little trouble in that area, so please pray for us!"

Then, DURING the talk, the good doctor kept talking about how men are more attracted to women when they're fertile. I know that's probably true, and I know this wasn't her intention, but it made me feel like crap. It made me think that I'm never truly attractive to my husband because I'm never fertile. My husband assured me that he finds me attractive, but I can't help but think I'm not desirable on that physiological level.

The weekend after that, I went to my friend's bachelorette party, where, of course, NFP and pregnancy were brought up, especially since a million of our friends are pregnant. I don't remember how we started talking about me, but I ended up having to admit to a couple of friends sitting with me on the couch that I'm infertile. One of them implied that I should just do arti.ficial insemin.ation, which surprised me because she's a practicing Catholic. I told her that that's against Church teaching, but I'm going to do everything I can that the Church allows. She has since texted/emailed me, saying that she hasn't been able to stop thinking about my "situation" and that it doesn't seem fair that I'm IF, and did some research and sent me some links! I thought that was so thoughtful and I really, really appreciate it. Does anybody know of a correlation between IF and melatonin levels? Because that's what her links suggest.

While I was at the party, my husband was visiting with our spiritual mother, M.A. She told Boomz a story about one of our friends who's pregnant that really, really made us angry. She's very, very concerned with something being "wrong" with the baby for some reason, so she's having more ultrasounds than necessary. M.A. asked her if she's taking any vitamins or supplements that help during pregnancy, and she said, "No, I don't like taking pills."

Um. What?!

You don't want to take pills that will help you have a healthy pregnancy, but I have to take a million pills a day just so I CAN HAVE THE POSSIBILITY TO GET PREGNANT! Just to have the POSSIBILITY. Do you realize the HELL I've been through to even get a tentative diagnosis, only to find out that I'll NEVER have children? And you don't want to take a couple of PILLS? (Disclaimer: I know I haven't had to go through as much as many of you. I haven't had surgery or anything like that. You women are all amazing!)

In three weeks, I'll have to go to my friend's wedding (the one whose party I went to), and I'll have to see this pregnant woman. Please, please pray for me, so that I'll be able to talk to her and not avoid her all night!