because parenting isn't perfect

The Mama Work Out

Losing baby weight is a total bummer, I mean losing it is great, but all the work you have to go through after the natural weight loss from childbirth/breastfeeding slows down is not so much fun!!! Especially after having a second child, the weight just fell off after the first, this time, not as much. So to the local YMCA I go, or at least try to. But on those days when it just doesn’t happen because of a cranky child or late nap or lack of motivation and dedication as my husband would say, I’ve rationalized that it doesn’t matter because on those days I participate in the Mama Work Out, it goes something like this.

The A.M. Workout

This can begin as early as 6:00 a.m. or as late as 7:30 a.m., it lasts until around 11:30 and starts with arm weights, lifting your yelling 29 pound 2 year old out of bed and onto the changer. You then manage to work several arm muscle groups while using one arm to wrangle kicking legs and the other to furiously wipe his bum. Further arm lifting ensues when you try to dress him and he implements his latest attention seeking tactic and goes totally limp. This then carries over when you have to carry 29 pounds down 13 stairs, back up to get the 16 pound little sister and back down you go, now you’ve got cardio and arm lifting. Rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat…or in this case lift up, down the stairs, set down, back up, lift up, down the stairs, set down…whenever everyone needs to go upstairs for something, immediately the limp tactic comes into play and you’re working those arm muscles again. Do this at least 10 times a morning.

The Stroller/Lunch Workout

Want to meet some friends at the park for a stroll/lunch? Don’t think the workout stops here. Arm workout number 34 of the day, lift the mammoth double stroller out of the trunk, lift 16 pounds of passed out baby plus her car seat into the stroller, then grab the 29 pounder and push, add 10 minutes of cardio to that and you’ve managed to find your lunch destination. Time to pack on those calories, but first you better lift that squirming 29 pound 2 year old out of the stroller, since obviously his legs are broken and he’s going limp again yelling MILK. Finagle ordering, pushing heavy stroller to find a spot to eat and plopping 2 year old in chair. Furiously eat while trying to get 2 year old to eat and then time to load up again. Work off those lunch calories on the walk back through the park and for the grand finale of this workout, wrestle 2 year old who doesn’t want to leave into car seat and buckle him in, pack away still passed out baby in her car seat and then return mammoth heavy double stroller to trunk. Whew, done.

Afternoon/Nap Workout

10 minutes later and you’re home again and ready for the next workout, lug cranky 2 year old whose naturally limp and whining up the stairs for a diaper change, on the changer, off the changer, onto the potty, off the potty, onto the changer (please don’t assume he’s being cooperative during all of this) and clothes back on. If you’re lucky you only took one or two kicks to the face/arms during all of this or had your ear drum blown out with one of his many complaints. Now to do your cool down you pick up the 16 pound baby, change her, return her to the floor and pass out in the chair to read some nap time stories.

The Blissful Rest Period

The couple hours where the 29 pound baby sleeps and you only have to tote around your very attached 16 pound baby who wants to be held constantly.

Snack/Dinner/Bath/Bed

and we’re off again…you’ve been yelled at from the bedroom and wait what, he wants to get up himself and walk to the bathroom, sure!! False alarm, halfway there he melts down and goes limp, pick him up, potty, changer, up, down, turn around, put your right arm in and shake it all about. Lug him downstairs and fix a snack in the kitchen all while the 29 pounds of dead weight hangs onto your leg, yelling pick me up, no I don’t want that, I want this. Do this until you can find something that appeases you both, so this portion of the workout could be 5 minutes or 25 minutes. Don’t forget you should be carrying your 16 pounder while doing this, if it’s a light day she may lounge in her jumper for you. Repeat for dinner but add in some arm lifts to get everyone in their proper boosters/high chairs. Afterwards, play with the kids, run around the back yard, maybe go for a walk and get some cardio in. Then for your last set of arms for the night lug everyone upstairs for baths and bed, up, down, up, down, clothes off, into tub, out of tub, onto changer, into jammies, onto floor, next baby…Finally your 29 pound weight is in bed and you’re just left with the 16 pound baby who will go to bed with you. When you finally lie down for the night, you pass out thinking, tomorrow, yes tomorrow I will go to the gym!

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This is awesome! I only have one 2 year old, but I completely understand where you are coming from. I think to myself all of the time, “Why do I not have huge biceps from trying to balace the child with one arm when she decides to go limp?” Don’t forget, when the child is on the changing table, you also have to “bob and weave” so you don’t catch a “head butt” in the nose. That hurts!

Thanks, we definitely do a lot of bobbing and weaving around here. Someone once said when we were pregnant with our first that before the age of 2 your child will have almost broken your nose something like 10 times, that is sooooo TRUE and perhaps even a low estimate!