A 20-acre utopia smack dab in the middle of Hillmomba, where Hillbilly Mom posts her cold-hearted opinions, petty grievances, and self-proclaimed wisdom in spite of being a technology simpleton.

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

If It Weren't For Faux Pas, I'd Have No Pas At All

Okay. Here's a little embarrassing tale that Mrs. Hillbilly Mom is going to tell on herself. It happened last week. The day before her FIRST $100 scratch-off winner of the week.

I had been in a little winning slump. Meaning there was little winning, and much losing. Every day, I just KNEW the odds had to be in my favor, what with them being so out of my favor for over a week. Every day, I KNEW things would turn around. You know me. The eternal optimist!

On this day, I was scratching a $20 ticket. I usually don't play them, because I rarely win. But since my standard choices were doing me wrong, I decided to switch it up. I was scratching along, hope ebbing, when I got to the middle of the ticket. WHOA! I matched that number! I had a winner! I always wait until I've scratched off every number before I look at what I've won. If I was a dog, I'd have no trouble holding a cracker on my nose until my master best friend said I could flip it into the air and eat it.

I went back to scratch off the prize. I always start at the right-hand edge of the prize. To see the zeros. Small zeros mean a small prize, BIG ZEROS mean a big prize. That's because they don't put the .00 cents on the 100s and and higher. So...I got to scratching, and saw two big fat zeros. YIPPEE! A big winner. It was about time! I kept going, right to left, thinking I had a $100 winner, and I uncovered a 2. I had a $200 winner! That was TWICE as sweet!

Of course I was all excited. And quite proud of myself. Even though it's a crapshoot. No skill involved. I picked up my phone and posed my winner for a nice blog-worthy picture. I couldn't wait to send it to my sister the ex-mayor's wife, because she had texted me the day before that she was worried I was depressed, and not excited about our Casinopalooza 2, because I had not even sent her a picture of my weekly $100 winner. This would be great! I could tell her I was getting two weeks in one this time.

I set my phone aside, intending to email the picture to myself when I went upstairs for my walk. It would never work in my dark basement lair. Just make my phone get all hot and sap the battery.

I was nearly chortling with glee as I set my $200 winner over to my left, where I put all my winners, to admire throughout the evening, then take them upstairs to trade in for other tickets the next day. Or cash the bigger ones out to keep for casino purposes.

Yes, mid-chortle, something made me pick up that ticket again. Something was off. I couldn't quite put my finger on it...I looked again. To double-check. Maybe I missed another winning number! Maybe that was the reason for my unease.

SWEET GUMMI MARY!

That $200 prize I had uncovered? Was for the number ABOVE the number I had matched! I picked up my prized quarter and scratched off under the winning number. Huh. Little zeros. I had actually won $20. Not $200.

I'm pretty sure my face was crimson. I know better than that! I'm a Master Scratcher, by cracky! No way was I going to cash in that $20 winner with that $200 scratched off above it! I took my trusty quarter and scraped off ALL the prizes. I hate it when people do that.

Then I deleted the evidence.

I really wish I had kept that picture now. It may have only been worth 20 in dollar amounts. But it was worth 1000 words.