Now to the wet mess. Nothing like a feast after a mass burning of bodies. Gendry and the Hound dine opposite each other. Gendry wonders aloud where Arya is. "You can still smell the burning bodies and that’s where your head is at?" spits the Hound, both disgusted and full of admiration.

Dany singles out Gendry and the room falls silent while she anoints him Lord of Stormsend. He looks stoked. Dany is a wily one.

Bran gets a few lines, during which he says he mostly "lives in the past" and the party is really getting started. Tormund is hooking into the vino. There's a toast to Arya, "the hero of Winterfell" and Sansa looks disgusted as she catches Dany and Jon looking lovey-dovey at each other.

Brienne and Jaime and Tyrion are playing a drinking game, a bit of a truth or dare kind of thing. If it's true, you scull.

Tormund is off chops, singing Jon's praises. "He’s little but he’s strong! Strong enough to befriend an enemy and get murdered for it. Most people get bloody murdered, they stay that way! Not this one!

"What kind of person clmbs on a f..king dragon? A madman or a king?" Dany looks might peeved.

The drinking game continues. Tyrion says to Brienne: "You’re a virgin." Renly drinks. Tyrion clarifies. "At no pint in the past up until this very moment have you slept with a man. Or a woman." Brienne looks nervous. "I have to piss," she says, and storms off. Followed by Jaime.

"After all that this f..ker comes north and just takes her from me. Just takes 'er ike that. My heart is broken."

The Hound and Sansa chat about death and torture. She makes a sad comment about how without Little Finger and Ramsey Bolton "I would have stared a little bird all my life." She's broken but strong.

The wake is descending to drunken debauchery. Gendry goes looking for Arya, who fires an arrow at him like cupid.

He announces his new title to her, before — oh! — proposing. "I love you, you're beautiful and none of it will mean anything if you’re not with me." They pash. "You’ll be a wonderful lord and any lady would be lucky to have you," Arya says. "But I’m not a lady. I never have been. That’s not me." Ouch.

Inside, Jaime’s gone the late night door knock. He grills Brienne about whether she fancies Tormund.

"You sound quite jealous," she says "I do, don’t I?"

It’s getting hot in herrrrrrrre.

"I’ve never sept with a knight before," he says as they undress each other. "I’ve never slept with anyone before," Brienne admits.

Hoo! I’m watching this at work and this feels very inappropriate

Now we have Dany doing some knocking, on Jon’s door. He’s sozzled. She talks about Jorah. "He loved me and I couldn’t love him back. Not the way he wanted. Not the way I love you. Is that all right?" Now they pash. They’re about to shag and Jon gets cold feet.

"I wish you’d never told me!" she says to him, before asking him to keep his true identity a secret forever.

He wants to tell the truth to Sansa and Arya. "Even if the truth destroys us?" She begs tearfully.

They’re all plotting in the war room about how to remove Cersei without destroying King’s Landing.

Sansa says the soldiers need a break but Dany is having none of it. "The longer I leave my enemies the stronger the become," she says

Tormund, who now rivals Tyrion for getting the best lines, is off after being rejected by Brienne. Jon asks him to take Ghost and they embrace.

Oh there’s Gilly. I thought she was dead. But she's knocked up. "The nights have been getting longer," Sam says. "There’s only so many books a person can read." If it's a boy they'll name him Jon. "I hope it’s a girl," Jon says.

As the gang sets sail for King’s Landing, Varys and Tyrion discuss who should rule. Tyrion wants Jon and Dany to marry and rule together. Varys isn't sure.

NOOOO

It’s Qyburn's god damned Scorpion. And Euron is at the controls. Rhaegal is slaughtered. It's gut wrenching to watch. We’re another dragon down. Drogon and Dany dodge the steel arrows. Euron proceeds to shred their ship, and their fleet.

Cut to the beach. Missandei is missing and Grey Worm is distraught.

At King's Landing Cersei is smug. "Our message was well received then."

She and Euron glow as they talk about how glorious it was to slaughter a dragon.

Cersei bangs on about how the Lion will rule the land, the Kraken will run the sea "And our child shall one day rule them all."

Euron looks pleased.

Cersei's evil plan is to leave the gates open so the "Breaker of Chains" and friend of the downtrodden has to kill innocents to get inside.

Oh no, she’s got Missandei.

Back in the war room, Varys tells it to Dany straight. "This is a mistake," he says of her plan to attack King's Landing.

"You saw my child fall from the sky," she tells him. But then agrees that it is a good plan to try to negotiate with Cersei.

"They should know who to blame when the sky falls down upon them."

Varys and Tyrion talk treason. Varys is very much in the Jon camp.

Back at Winterfell Brienne tells Jaime of the carnage. Later, he ponders things post coitally. Then leaves Brienne’s bedroom.

She follows him outside and begs him not to leave. "You’re not like your sister. You don’t need to die with her. Stay with me. Please."

"You think I'm a good man?" He gives her the run down of his evil deeds: Bran, Alton. "I would have murdered every man, woman and child in Riverrun for Cersei. She’s hateful. And so am I." Brienne does a big snotty sob and Jaime rides off.

Varys, Grey Worm, Dany and Tyrion stand outside the gates of King’s Landing. They open and hand of the queen, that reptilian Qyburn, strides out cockily. Tyrion approaches him. They exchange demands for surrender.

In a "help me help you" moment Tyrion beseeches him: "We have a chance here. Help me. I don’t want to see the city burn.

Tyrion turns his attention to his sister. He lays it on thick. "You’re not a monster. I know this." He reminds her of her love for her children. "I beg you if not for yourself then for your child. Your reign is over but that doesn’t mean your life has to end. It doesn't mean your baby has to die." The ice queen sobbeth.