10 Rules Of Housecleaning

2. If disturbed, dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos. Rename the area under the couch “The Galapagos Islands,” and claim an ecological exemption.

3. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 5, and leave it alone.

4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, “What? And spoil the mood?”

5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower of unread magazines and newspapers next to your chair provides the valuable Feng Shui aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll your eyes when you say this.

6. Explain away the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand-sewn play animals for underprivileged children.

7. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, “I’d love you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed, and the shots are SO expensive.”

8. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that “THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes.”

9. Don’t bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall with an assortment of crayons, and try to muster a glint of tears as you say, “Junior did this the week before that unspeakable accident. I haven’t had the heart to clean it.”

10. Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself onto the couch, and sigh, “I clean and I clean, and I still don’t get anywhere.”

-Thanks to Sid and Beth who make me laugh by sending me these funny things! Stacy Westfall

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10 Comments

Lisa Halbert
on July 6, 2013 at 6:16 pm

I should get bonus points. I just used my one and only household sponge floor mop to clean barn dust & debris (aka bird poop) off of a wagon! How are my house floors? no comment ; o ps: Stacy I met you in Michigan at 2009 horse expo where I got to show you how much I appreciated your training DVDs for my Percherons too!

Lol, how about this one….when my kids get sick and I need to take their tempature I usually have to go shopping because I have ‘borrowed’ all the thermometers for the barn….a one way trip, lol.
Glad to hear the DVD’s helped with the BIG guys!

You have described my house. With the high winds we have and a county dirt road (washboard road) in front of the house I could own swifter duster company and still not have enough of them to keep up. Thank you for the great laugh. I want to print this out, enlarge it and put it on my front door.

An attic fan in a central hallway is invaluable. Open all windows. Turn on fan. All dust bunnies are immediately summoned to a central location. There will usually be enough to make a new puppy if you need one.

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