Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Wednesday is in the middle of the common Western five-day workweek that starts on Monday and finishes on Friday.

People think being a semi-professional bike blogger is easy, which of course it is. But that doesn't mean I don't have to do work. For example, in addition to typing words into this magic box, I also have to make executive-level decisions and field and evaluate high-stakes business proposals like this one:

Hi Name!

Yes, I swear, this was the actual salutation in the letter. I'm guessing that at some point someone told her always to "address people by name" in email correspondence, and so she's taking that literally.

My name is Emma Powers, and I’m the Community Coordinator at RelayRides. We are a peer-to-peer sharing car rental service and with the shift to more of a sharing economy we need to spread the word on some hotspots/services across the country!

Car rental service? Oh, yes, by all means continue! As a bike blogger, you can be sure I want to do all I can to make sure as many assholes as possible have ready access to motor vehicles. I also like the phrase "shift to more of a sharing economy," which is a nice way of saying that as income inequality rapidly increases the concept of "personal property" is now moribund for all but the wealthiest Americans. I guess the fact that we're all piss-poor now is why car-sharing companies are scrounging around asking bike bloggers to give them free advertising.

When’s the last time you felt like a tourist in your own city, or came across that one great place that has been under your nose for years? I ask that you and a select group of other bloggers be apart of our peer-to-peer mission to highlight Hometown Hidden Gems! Create a post on your blog that talks about your hidden gem(s) and feel free to make of it whatever you will! We are truly inspired by your perspective and your post could provide the same great experiences for fellow locals or even for a reader traveling to your town in the future! From a a great place to take a long ride to a great pit stop to grab a bite to eat -- talk about it and give credit where it’s due!

You ask that I and a select group of other bloggers be a part of your peer-to-peer mission? Well I ask that you give me some goddamn money! If that's not clear enough, here it is in musical form:

As for the last time I felt like a tourist in my own city, how about every time I go to Brooklyn? It's like a less ethnically-diverse Portland now. And have you seen this shit?

What city is that?!? Because I sure as hell don't live anyplace that looks like that.

So now what?We’ll be creating a places board and our social team looks forward to pinning their favorite gems from participants with credits given back to the post itself! So with the world watching, lets uncover some of the greatest places together! Let me know if you are interested; I look forward to speaking with you soon.Best,Emma

Nice try, Emma, but you can be damn sure if I uncover any great places I'll be keeping them to myself.

Then, after checking my email I headed over to Twitter, where I saw this:

It's a proven fact that 99% of all inane bicycle "innovations" are invented by architects who think they can learn everything they need to know about cycling by watching the Tour de France, and this one is no exception:

Architect and engineer D.M. Schwartz invented Flying Rider. He has been awarded 15 US patents over his 47-year career. As he watched an uphill section of the 2011 Tour de France, Schwartz noticed that the bobbing motion of the riders looked like wasted energy. If only the rider had something to push his back against, restraining vertical motion and allowing more leverage on the pedals, then the bicycle would be more efficient.

Yeah, if only, dumbass. It's also a proven fact that 99.9% of all inane bicycle "innovations" are invented by people who don't realize that what they're really looking for is a recumbent:

("If only the rider had something to push his back against, restraining vertical motion and allowing more leverage on the pedals...")

At this point I could start an entirely new blog called "Subconscious Recumbent Yearnings" and fill it with all the asinine ass pedestals, harnesses and so forth that these schnooks seem to come up with on a daily basis. However, I don't really feel like starting an entirely new blog right now, so I'll just use the name for my new band instead:

In a bizarre incident, police stopped and arrested a Spanish rider while he was leading Spain’s most prestigious gran fondo, the Quebrantahuesos event, across the Pyrénées on Saturday.Ángel Vázquez had won the previous edition of the popular event but was yanked from the race 30km from the finish by agents from Spain’s Guardia Civil when he was poised to win yet again.

Evidently, Vázquez had been banned from at least two "sports" and was now doping his way through the Fondo circuit:

According to reports in the Spanish media, the presence of Vázquez raised the ire of event organizers. Vázquez had been banned for life in triathlon for doping infractions, and also had previously served a ban as a pro cyclist when he tested positive for EPO in 2010.

In nature, the only creature more dangerous than a cornered animal is a Fred who has been interrupted mid-Fondo, so it should come as no surprise Vázquez threatened the arresting officers:

According to a report on the Spanish wire service EFE, agents tried three times to stop Vázquez during the event. When he was finally detained in the town of Hoz de Jaca, he was later transported to a local station for insulting and threatening officers.

As for the nature of the threat, according to witnesses Vázquez brandished a crabon seatpost and uttered the following:

"Hello. My name is Ángel Vázquez. You interrupted my Fondo. Prepare to die."

Listening to Cervello Elettronico's "Process Of Eliminatoin (Fractured Transmission Remix)" Whoa great music for pre & post ride... I got to get on the R3 sometime soon...What was there this morning is now gone!

When I was being diagnosed for a neuromuscular disorder I was given a spinal tap (aka Lumbar Puncture.) As always, when the doctors told me about the test, I Googled it so see what it was. When I Googled it with the name Spinal Tap all that came up was references to that band.

I didn't know anything about them but thought they had a cool sounding name, anyway. Only thing I can say after seeing that video, I sure would have expected them to be harder rock, or even a metal band with their given name.

And if case anyone is curious, a spinal tap procedure does hurt. It's not something I would want to have to go though again.

The United Nations Meditation Room or the Grand Central Station Whispering Gallery sound sort of like "Hidden Gems", and best of all, parking is next to impossible: hahaha! screw you, car rental company! The Whispering Gallery would also be a pretty strong hint that mass transit is the way to go in NYC.....

Today is bike to work day in Colorado. After too many years of snow when the rest of Canada's bib-shorts celebrates riding a bicycle once a year, it got moved.

As a semi-regular bicycle-cycle commuter I observed many varieties of neo-cyclist, most of whom looked like fish out of water, except with more breathing difficulty.

To wit:The rust machine. Bikes that makes the Wild Cat Rust Machine rain bike look factory fresh and well lubricated. They appear to be held together with cobwebs.

The downhill mountain bikes, complete with triple clamp fork and full face helment. Huck some air Bro!

More poorly fitting borrowed walmart mountain bikes than I could count.

Several "herds" of riders. A herd is like a pack, only more spread out and somewhat less coordinated. Usually lead by an Alpha-Fred, in full team kit, to guide them through the scary confines of suburban Denver.

Plus all the regular riders that only commute once a year for a free breakfast.

Welcome to bikes! I'm glad each and everyone of you is riding and hope today is the one June afternoon without hail.

I noticed that Emma ended every statement in her letter with an exclamation point, except for the last one where she said she looked forward to speaking with you. So, it seems, the thought of speaking with you and knowing if you're interested is the least exciting part of the concept. Congrats!

Bike Snob -- you must not have looked at all the photos on the Flying Rider suspended bicycle website -- you missed quite an opportunity, with a whole bondage play angle. See more at the Retrogrouch Blog http://bikeretrogrouch.blogspot.com/2014/06/why-again-i-ask-why.html

The poor girl on the suspended torture device traction bicycle: is she a daughter? A niece? Even in a still pic you can hear her saying "Daaaad! Can I get off now?" Poor thing; her embarassment is tangible.

DB - hooray! Finally. I love pretty shoes and I love bikes. The two of them do look good together.Ha. Yesterday, I was riding along on Bea bike in a pair of five inch platform stilettos, arm in sling, and an uber fred said "Wow! That's impressive!" as he rode by. And it's funny, cause really, the size of your heel has nothing much to do with how you ride.

Babble - have you considered a career in shoe fetish/bike fetish/physical disability porn? Although you seem to have no hangups about nakedness, you probably wouldn't even have to get nekkid. There is a good chance that people would pay good money for minimally clothed pics of you riding your bike in a pair of five inch platform stilettos with your arm in sling.

Hey, if every motorist is an asshole, then Emma's scheme means that there would be fewer assholes actually driving because there would be many more grounded assholes waiting to use fewer cars. How cool is that!

Aw, this was an exceptionally nice post. In concept I would like to place in writing such as this moreover – spending time and actual effort to create a excellent article… but so what can I say… I procrastinate alot through no indicates find a way to go completed.

QUEBRANTAHUESOS - bone breaker - lammergeier - bearded vulture (Gypaetus barbatus)I did this Marcha in 2006. 205km 3500m climbing. Managed it in 9 1/4 hrs to get bronze. Never seen so many bike cyclists at once. I was No 7000 and something.The Hoz de Jaca is just about one climb too many

Would it be considered bad form to mail WCRM a SD card for the Fly6, seeing as how he is overburdened with his blogulation, bike riding, and 17 children? I'm sure one sent to WCRM/RTMS, Gen. Delivery, Ny Ny would work, no? How many could there be?

Rad hair band miSteRsNobSelfDesTRuct I feel like they need to be renamed ReSubVElo Pining " massive attack hit "Near In Rear' guess what it is about meeting up with ant-i to for anal after meeting them for the first time on the side of the road with a flat tire and no air pump. I guess 'That Is What I Get"NIN ~ :;for not buying an air pump by in the day. Now I have two portable air pumpps and no anal! What am I to do?

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!