It all started when I got my own Nespresso Machine – you know, those really cool at-home-espresso machines from Switzerland, the ones with the really cool Nespresso pods and the cool marketing starring a really, really cool George Clooney (and I’m not talking about the cheap rattling contraptions from Bed, Bath and Beyond) – the really, really cool, ones from Nespresso Machine.

Anyway, I’ve gotten to the point where I know exactly how to make the perfect shot, with the perfect steamed milk and the perfect amount of froth – no bubbles, just foam. And it only costs about 50 cents per cup, usually a dollar with a double-shot. Aahh, perfecto!

But, every now and then I crave a Cappuccino from Starbucks or The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. Well, not really crave, more like I get lazy and want someone else to do the work. So I head to the local coffee shop and go through the ritual of ordering my drink my way – Grande Percent Wet Cap, Upside Down, Extra Shot, 155 degrees. Yes, you read right – I give them the temperature, because just like most people, I know what I like, and I know what I don’t like.

And pretty much to the tee, no barista in town ever gets it right. Sometimes they don’t even know what a Wet-Cap is – hello, it’s not my word, you guys invented it, I’m just playing by your rules. Most of the time the foam is just air-laden, blown-through-a-straw kind of mess – the kind we used to make as kids in a glass of milk to give them the milkshake look. Remember? And always, the temperature is wrong. So hot you need two or three sleeves, so lukewarm that it barely offers any comfort or satisfaction.

And that’s my gripe-uccino. Their rules, their recipes, their language – our dime. For me, it pays to stay at home with my Nespresso – no matter the cost.

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