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Jessie's Journals

I'm sure it's of niche interest, but I'mma take a moment or two to reflect upon something that has troubled me lately.

As I've mentioned in the past, I am transgender. Though I have been sure of this for some time now, for a variety of reasons, I have yet to make any moves towards making any physical or social changes. Regardless, there is a dichotomy between how I see myself and how others perceive me.

I am, at present, largely unable to affect those perceptions. In real life, it's much more convenient to simply suppress my discomfort and present myself as male, saving myself from any potential uncomfortable questions, harassment or abuse (I'm sure in this town, I would have no trouble finding it). Those closest to me know my feelings and respect them, despite the fact that there has been negligible difference from their perspective (which can be a different kind of difficult, in a way).

As far as TWHL goes, I'm perfectly comfortable presenting the way I feel, because y'all are (generally) great people, and I know that the people I care about here are the kind of folk who won't hold it against me. This place, to me, is not just a place where awesome people hang out and do awesome things, but is also a sanctuary where I can be myself; where I don't have to question myself. That's a very powerful feeling at this stage in my life, and I couldn't be more grateful to have it.

The crux of this journal is where dichotomy creeps back into it. Being the internet, my persona here is simply a distillation of my personality. Plain text conveying my thoughts, carrying no perceptions of who I am physically. So it can be very, very hard to introduce any of the rest of me. There's a reason why I'm not in the Teamspeak of thesevideos, as much as I very much wanted to be. To present my voice is to challenge who I am here (and, indeed, who I feel I am). As a result, I am cripplingly self-conscious about my voice, even more than I am about... well, the rest of me.

The past handful of days, I've been challenging myself by joining the SnC fellows for videogames. Part and parcel of that is joining the Teamspeak. As much as I love joining in with them, it takes some significant psychological effort every time I have to hit that push-to-talk button. I guess I just want to shout out Archie and [blue]Urby[/blue] in particular, for being just so damn accepting and welcoming. Being able to join you guys means more to me than you might think.

I suspect my computer is starting to show its age, but I don't know exactly which part(s) is lagging behind. Anyone with experience in this sort of thing able to guide me towards what I should be looking to replace/improve next? (I'll give what information I have, may not be complete.)

*Solved*
I need to confer with some fellow mappers about a map element I have in mind. (For HLDM.)

The idea would be an elevator of sorts, but without any moving platforms. There would be a square platform, with other levels of square platforms directly above/below. The players should be able to move upward/downward through the platforms at will, but also be able to walk across the platforms normally. Movement between platforms should be smooth, probably controlled with gravity. Ideally, players would be able to shoot through the platforms.

What do you suppose the best way to try to implement such a system be?
Main issues:
- Being able to pass through a platform one can walk and stand on.
- Movement between those platforms.
- Consideration of multiple players. (If it works apart from this, suggest it anyway. I might still have a use for it.)

Worst comes to worst, I'll just make regular elevators, but hey, if we can come up with a working system for this...

I find myself in need of a new graphics card, as it would seem that the one I have is likely the source of my recent computer woes.

Unfortunately, I know absolutely nothing about graphics cards or where to find info on them. Thus, I turn to you fellows.

I'm looking for something at least comparable in power (or better) to what I am replacing, which is an AMD Radeon HD 6800 (or something like that, anyway). Moreover, I'd like it to be relatively affordable, around the $200-$250 mark.

I noticed this thread again. I don't think I ever got around to making any of my own at the time, so I thought I'd go ahead and do a couple now. (Didn't want to reanimate the thread, either, hence the journal.)