Long Version part 3 – Now What?

Dr. Bks tells me I need a CT and a bone scan ASAP to determine if it has spread and I need to get to an oncologist, like, yesterday and she gives me recommendations. I call my Mom and my Husband and somehow am managing to stay in control. At least I think I did.

I call Dr. Grn who tells me the same thing and gives me recommendations for an oncologist as well as someone to do my port as he is going out of town. I call my general practitioner and talk to the doctor I had seen on Tuesday who tells me the same thing and gives me some names.

I call the oncologist whose name popped up twice and of course he was double booked for the following week but they could get me in to see his associate on Thursday morning – keep in mind this is Friday afternoon and I’m in a panic. I agree and explain that I have had three doctors tell me I need a bone scan and a ct, could we get those scheduled so we can hit the ground running on Thursday. I don’t know how old this girl was but I’m not sure she’d be my first line to deal with oncology patients. Anyway she says she’ll check, calls me back in about 30 minutes and says the doctor okayed it, when was I available…. “My schedule just got clear. You tell me where and when to be.” – SERIOUSLY! She calls back again, I have them scheduled for Tuesday at (the hospital near to my house). Beautiful.

Now to wait and tell the people who love me. This sucks.

Not going to tell my kids until I know what I am dealing with. May 8th is my sister’s birthday… do I tell her? My Dad’s Mother died of breast cancer when he was 5, I can’t tell him on the phone, I have to go see him. Then there are my friends, and of course it is Mother’s Day weekend.

My Mom convinces me to tell my Sister. I’d want to know if it was her even if it was my birthday, and I asked her to come over the next day to go tell Dad with me.

Then I make my big mistake. I start looking online. Not only could I not eat because my stomach was a mess but looking at the numbers regarding ibc – the rarest and nastiest version of breast cancer, and numbers regarding stage IV cancer, then looking at all there is about your diet and cancer. I was afraid to eat. Every time I put something in my mouth I was thinking “Is this feeding it? Is it starving it?” Complete mess. I call my doctor Saturday because I’m nauseous and everything I eat goes straight through me. I get an operator who says that the nurses don’t usually take calls on Saturday. I explain what is going on and it turns out she is a survivor – in treatment – and she’ll get a message to my doctor who calls in a prescription for me. Wow. That was fortunate.

Saturday my Sister comes over and we go to my Dad’s. I have tried to call a couple times and give my Stepmom a heads up but Dad answers the phone every time I call. My son was with us and as we walk in I send my Brother to go get Dad and quickly stun my Stepmother with the news. Dad comes down. ‘How do I tell him? I can’t do this. God I don’t want this to be happening.’ Dad sits, I tell him, he manages to find a reason to leave the table and my Sister follows him and we all cry.

I go to church and tell my Sunday School class, they are amazing and most of them have known me since I was a kid – seriously, like 2. I used to play with their kids. I spend the day scared to death that I’m going to die and trying to enjoy what I’m afraid could be my last Mother’s Day. I haven’t had enough of them yet! How am I going to wait until Thursday?

Monday – my Mom calls in the morning. She called her friend Dr. Bhd, an oncologist that she knows, and explained that she needed the name of an oncologist who specialized in breast cancer that she would go to or that she would send her daughter to and explains why. Dr. Bhd tells my Mom “I specialize in breast cancer and I’ll see her this afternoon”. God is putting the right people in my way.