Q: I have been dating a man for two and a half years. He wants us to double date with his kids and their girlfriends. His kids are 26, 24 and 20 years old, and are his best friends. Is double-dating with your kids normal?

-Patty D.

A: Hi Patty,

I have to admit that I giggled a bit when you asked if double-dating with your kids was normal. I always get a bit nervous regarding the word normal because what’s normal for one person can be abnormal for others. My point is that spending a lot of time with his kids seems to be normal for your boyfriend, but from the tone of your email, it doesn’t seem normal to you. Generally speaking, most people tend to spend less time with their children as they mature and begin living lives of their own. But in my opinion, what is considered normal in this situation is not the real issue for you, Patty. The real issue for you is this: Can you see a future with this man under these conditions?

I always judge people by what they do as opposed to what they say. Judging by the past two and a half years, it seems very likely to me that this behavior will continue. So the real question is whether you can see a future with your boyfriend under these conditions. If the answer is no and you still hope for a future with him, I suggest you both sit with a counselor and see if there can be some resolution. As I see it, the question here isn’t so much about normalcy as it is about compatibility.