Tag Archives: Getting hitched

As to Alan’s historical conundrum “Did Caesar actually live here?” The search for truth continues.

This is my account of my Best man experience number three for my legend of a cousin. Viva Las Vegas, you are a monumental slice of incredible.

Ta-ta Wales, hola U, S of A. Every one of my senses were titillated to the max by Planet Vegas. We landed around 9pm Nevada time, dropped our luggage off at the ‘Vdara’ and ‘The Wynne’ respectively and within half an hour I was attacking a ‘Half a yard’ of beer at Planet Hollywood like a new-born to a breast.

Everywhere I looked, everything I heard, tasted and touched was a little slice of “Wa-wa-weewa”. Just incredibly barmy and magnificent. I hit the ground scampering like a toddler at a Petting Zoo. Everything is so absurdly over the top that my little brain couldn’t keep up. Just to add an extra banana skin to the weak minded and easily influenced gentleman there are no clocks anywhere. Everything is bright 24/7 and I swear they must pump oxygen in as alertness levels were Meerkat-esque. The Cocktail Waitresses were hotter than a leather convertible car seat on a mid-summer’s afternoon. You are plied with free drinks as long as you are gambling. The question “Would you like a drink Sir?” to which I replied “You bet.” Grew thin on several Cocktail waitresses throughout my week. Oh well, when in Rome.

I spent three days livin la vida loca until the Wednesday lunch time when I crashed ‘Mr Magoo’ style half way through my Club Sandwich. My body’s internal switch was turned off faster than a male lover being called their father’s name during the throes of passion. After an extended trip to the ‘Land of Nod’ in my King Sized bed in my bedroom which had a glass wall overlooking part of The Strip, I was ready to attach the wheels back on to the wagon and have another bite at the Vegas cherry, just in time for the Wedding preparation.

The Stag Do consisted of a cheeky visit to Mandalay Bay to watch an Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) event. Not too shabby I might add. An electric atmosphere, gifted sports people and pints of Rum made for a ruddy ace experience. The ladies ventured to a Cirque De Soleil tumbling spectacular for their Hen Do which they loved too.

The wedding took place on the Friday in the Wynne’s wedding chapel. The atmosphere and environment were opulent and classy. The hotel wedding crew were so professional, stress free and tailored the day to the couple’s requests. The morning of the wedding was arguably the most chilled out wedding day preparation I’ve ever experienced. It was Makeover o’clock for the ladies while the Groom and I had a few steady tipples and played a little Roulette. The wedding was uploaded live on the tinternet so that the family could all watch it back home in the UK. My duties consisted of the basic formalities of looking after the wedding rings and making a congratulatory toast post wedding breakfast. Simples.

The only negative experience I had was that I got hit on a number of times each and every night by women who am not ashamed to say were solid 9’s compared to my ‘6 on a good hair day’. “Poor old you.” I hear you say. The conversations usually took the path of “I love your British accent” “Wow you must look after yourself” “Are you going to buy me a drink” to “So, I’m $300 for the first hour then $250 dollars for each additional hour”. They were ‘Ladies of the Night’ (or Ladies of the day, it was hard to know without a clock) If you don’t weigh in, you don’t Wrestle. I had no intentions of weighing in and my self-esteem was lowered no end. On numerous occasions I was nearly caught in a trap and by the end of the week I couldn’t tell if I was coming or going when talking to women. Were they ‘Painted Ladies’ or just tipsy hot women who were lowering their standards a tad? Eenie meenie miney ‘Pro’… One thing’s for sure, I had a suspicious mind with each and every conversation.

“You’re only supposed to blow the bloody wedding shoot.” Mr Caine offered his congratulation during the Wedding photos, no big deal. Top bloke.

In a nutshell

Planet Las Vegas is amazing. It comes at a pretty penny and if you’re not a drinker, gambler or appreciator of beautiful people then shy away from the idea. It’s a Stag haven. There is nothing you can’t do. The rule-book has been thrown out. In fact I would go a step further and say the rule-book has been buried in an unmarked shallow grave in the Mojave Desert somewhere. The Wedding Day experience was finely tuned, stress free and stunning. ‘Viva Las Vegas’.

As always if you’re a Best man, Groom, Father of the Bride, a Bride or Bridesmaid this year see ‘our services’ for speech writing services. Have a look at some of our previous speech writing blogs

Sunday the 25th of January is ‘Dydd Santes Dwynwen’ ‘St Dwynwen’s Day’ also known as Welsh Valentine’s Day.

The story originates many moons ago before the days of the twittersphere, Simon Cowell, Smart Phones and internet dating. Back then entertainment came in the form of ‘Corracle Racing’, Leek growing and telling folktales to friends and family. The tale transports us back to 5th Century Wales when a young women called Dwynwen fell head over heels in love with a gent called Maelon Dafodrill. Apparently Dwynwen’s father had beef with her choice of beau and forbid her to pursue her love. So distraught at the thought of the romance not being blessed she found solace in her faith. She prayed to God vigorously to help her fall out of love with her hunk and one day an angel visited her in her dreams. The angel manifested with a potion designed to erase any memory of Maelon and for good measure, turned him into a block of ice. The angel like a holy Genie (minus a brass lamp) granted Dwynwen three wishes. She wished for Mr Frosty to thaw out, for God to allow all true loves to be together and for her to never tie the knot. We will never know if Dwynwen had a penchant for the local hallucinating fungi or if the angel explained to Maelon why he was temporarily cryogenically frozen. What we do know is that unrequited love is as fun as stubbing your toe on the Coffee Table leg. St Dwynwen does provide an opportunity to celebrate your love for your partner with a romantic proposal.

Married Life: The final frontier. This is the voyage of a brave little soldier. It’s a journey until the end of days. To explore and discover the thrust of curiosity, to seek out new stresses and amazing memories, to boldly go where no bachelor has gone before… Marriage.

I totally understand that as I’m a single cat the fact that I’m writing about marriage proposals is as ironic as Psychic Sandra cancelling her tour due to unforeseen circumstances. I’ve seen it dozens of times with friends and family. They meet a young filly or a young buck and they get lost in each other’s eyes for hours at a time. ‘Sat Nav Eyes’ if you will. Then a wedding is as inevitable as a Bull making an unnecessary mess in his local China Shop. “All you need is love”.

In my eyes marriage is like a bowel movement. (Bear with me) It can go as smoothly as an Otter sliding off a river bank into the tepid waters below or it splutters like Postman Pat’s van’s exhaust pipe. Either way the unbelievable synergy between two human beings where they succumb to reckless abandonment and total vulnerability to each other is an exceptional gift not to be sniffed at.

As a lot of people have more baggage than a Heathrow Airport arrival’s conveyor belt, it’s a commendable and defenceless leap of faith to throw yourself on the grenade that is The Proposal. Friends have shared that they felt extremely nervous and there’s always a rascal of an inner monologue who says “If this goes ‘breasts up’ you’re going to feel as awkward as the first person who threw the baby out with the bath water.” Like a sneeze during a first kiss, a disastrous proposal is extremely hard to recover from.

A proposal needs to be memorable and a snap-shot of the extreme love and respect that a partner has for their prospective wife/hubbie. From what I can gather, the more thoughtful the better.

A great mate of mine used his girlfriend’s (now Ball & Chain) love of Custard Creams biscuits to seal the proposal deal. During a relaxing, countryside, summer’s day picnic he used a ‘Hansel and Gretel’ style approach (minus the cannibalistic witch who was baked to death in her own oven) to lead her to an eye level branch nearby. There lay a single biscuit with an engagement ring perched on top. This proposal took the biscuit.

Another great pal surprised his girlfriend (now his Trouble and Strife) with an artistic and candle lit bid for her lifelong partnership. As a manual working, hard man grafter he is not known for grand romantic gestures. When his girlfriend walked into their living room after work and saw candles laid out on the floor in the shape of a heart with an engagement ring protruding from an open box, she was as happy as a Clam.

In a nut shell

Above all, ‘Love is patient, love is kind’… If you present a half arsed proposal you may end up as a patient at your local ‘A & E’ and you may be kindly asked to “Jog on you plank”.

If you want to seal the deal with a little bit of emotional blackmail and you have a baby then all you have to do is buy a “Will you marry my Daddy?” onesie. Same goes for a pet. Nothing says “I love you” quite like an excitable, slobbering Pug with an engagement ring slathered in drool attached to their collar.

As always if you’re a Best man, Groom, Father of the Bride, a Bride or Bridesmaid this year see ‘our services’ for speech writing. Have a look at some of our previous speech writing blogs