Friday, March 18, 2011

bullying 2.0

So PUMPED from HUMP DAY'S PUMP UP, that we gotta keep the PUMP GOING INTO THE WEEKEND.

So check this out, I almost got a swirlie one time.

Walking to my first class after lunch by myself, I was gonna swing by my locker and grab my books. Had a little interruption though haha.

From out of nowhere, I get grabbed from behind again, by another bigger, more bad ass bully. We were in 8th grade and dude already had sideburns and a little dirty-sanchez mustache. So he grabs me, takes me into the men's room, and we're followed by one of his followers, a little piece of shit wannabe gangster who was rumoured to have brought a gun to school lol.

Weirdly, after we get in the men's room, dude just lets go of me, and kind of uses his body to force me into a stall. The little guy says something about giving me a swirlie. Now I think that is a horrible idea, but my opinion may have been slightly biased.

So they're staring me down, slowly creeping on me, laughing about a swirlie, when all of a sudden a third dude busts into the bathroom, announcing himself by yelling, "haha yeah let's give him a swirlie!". Maybe he was running a little late for the party, because he was slightly out of breath, like the other two started the fun without him lol.

Anyway, as dude tried to get in on the action, squeezed his way into the already crowded stall, and the minute his face poked through, he recognized me - we had a couple classes together that semester, and sat by each other, talking about punk bands. Well, punk bands to an 8th grader in 1995: Nirvana, Green Day and The Offspring lol.

He says, "hey heckyeahman, get outta there man, we're not givin' you a swirlie". Then he tells his friends, "this guy's cool". That's right, shitheads.

You could see the disappointment on the other dudes' faces as they begrudgingly let me walk by. As I walk out, feeling a lot better, dude pats me on the back, "sorry man, didn't know you were in there".

A month or two later, that dude would go on to kill himself. I wonder if he ever wound up giving anybody else a swirlie.

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tall man on the loose in tampa area

True story, there is a tall man terrorizing the Tampa area. This weirdo usually hangs out around parks, trying to find pick-up games of basketball - during which, he will grab the ball and maneuver around so that you come into contact with his stinky, naughty bits.

Truly an unpleasant experience.

His signature move is the "bait and switch junk grab". As you're grabbing for the ball, his junk magically appears. In the way of your hand.

Another one of his famous moves is to let the ball go loose, then as you scramble for it, his sweaty ass gets in the way. Of your face.