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#ThemeSongTuesday (1/5/16): The Freakin' Man Of The Year

It was a year filled with ups and downs for Superstar of the Year Seth “The Man” Rollins. He kicked off 2015 with the heist of the century, and then got booked in a strange, sometimes-great-sometimes-made-him-look-weak-as-fuck corporate champion angle before having to give up the WWE World Heavyweight Championship following a bad knee injury in November. He finished the year sidelined, rebuilding the stronger Seth Rollins he promised us would return in 2016.

Despite this 6-9 month long obstacle, the Architect managed to give us his fair share of amazing matches and was one of the few bright lights that kept the WWE’s dim main brand RAW lit. Poor booking wouldn’t get in the way of his matches, because that’s just the kind of performer he is. God, I miss him so damn much. Let’s get right into his theme for this week’s #ThemeSongTuesday before we all get too sad.

Since the separation of The Shield, Seth Rollins has been coming out to the CFO$-composed theme “The Second Coming”. It’s your run-of-the-mill heavy rock track, leading it to be considered as one of CFO$’s less impressive themes. The repetitive arrangement of distorted guitars and post-hardcore drum patterns kinda just go on, leaving little to no room for any entrance theatrics that a performer like Rollins deserves. Y’know, because he’s Seth-freakin’-Rollins.Having him come out to a theme that closely resembles that of Kevin Owens could be a little confusing in terms of character identification, too. “The Second Coming” has the same overall progression and vibe as Kevin Owens’ theme “Fight”, which shouldn’t make sense since “being a heel” is the only thing the two have in common. Both themes progress in that same “once you’ve heard the first 30 seconds, you’ve heard the entire theme” way that a lot of other CFO$ themes are guilty of, including Cesaro’s “Swiss Made” and Dean Ambrose’s “Retaliation”.This theme even has its own parody, believe it or not:

Spawned after Rollins’ leaked nude photo scandal last February—which really shouldn’t be joked about, if you ask me—the parody takes the original theme and adds some ridiculous lyrics, like “Half blonde, half brunette / What color is your hair?” and the more straight-up cruel: “Hey Seth! Guess what? / We’ve all seen your dick, dude”. As sabaw as the parody is, it still adds something to this otherwise boring theme.Nevertheless, Seth Rollins has reached a point in his overall popularity where everyone’s stopped giving a shit about what his theme sounds like. Just as long as it’s still Rollins we see walking out (and no unnecessary ambulance horns), we’re gonna pop. And just like we did when he came out a few weeks ago to accept the Slammy for Superstar of the Year, we’re gonna pop for his repetitive, lackluster, and generic theme anyway as if we were hearing Motorhead on RAW in 2002.

*****

When he isn't writing Smark Henry's #ThemeSongTuesday column, Lorenzo Magnaye hosts the #HomeRun on 99.5 PlayFM. It's a good thing, too, since his childhood consisted mostly of watching professional wrestling and listening to his parents on the radio. He's only recently rekindled his love for the WWE, and has been trying to make up for missing out on everything post-WrestleMania XX by praying to Seth Rollins thrice a day. Follow him on Twitter: @RenzoSaurus!