Can we come up with the best conspiracy theory ever?

To the mods: If you think this thread would be better placed in the "Just Chat" section, feel free to move it. But hey... it will hopefully make up a new theory.

So what do we need for a conspiracy theory (CT)... I allways think no CT is complete without a deity or alien or a combination of both.

The Grand Canyon really is the landing mark of a huge alien spacecraft, the remains of the spacecraft are hidden in the Bermuda Triangle and are the cause of all those vessels and aircrafts disapearing. The aliens live in a large base under Roswell/Area 52. Oh yeah and those aliens have infiltrated the universities, that's why scientists tell those lies about the formation of the Grand Canyon.

So what are those aliens up to next, what did they do? Where they responsible for 9/11 too? Come on fellow Conspiraty Theorists, help me out here!

Surely the greatest conspiracy theory would be that all the other conspiracy theories are actually fed to us by aliens in order for them to distract us from what they're really doing - maybe stealing all our bees?

Surely the greatest conspiracy theory would be that all the other conspiracy theories are actually fed to us by aliens in order for them to distract us from what they're really doing - maybe stealing all our bees?

WOW you finaly solved the problem of the bees dying all over the world. The aliens are collecting the life energy! Perhaps little tin foil hats for the bees will help! Big Pharma will of course deny all this, because they are under the thumb of the aliens. It's obvious why the US suffers more from colony colapse, the aliens are living under Roswell after all.

It would have had to have been removed by the NTSB before work on clearing the building damage could be started.

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...And its claws are as big as cups, and for some reason it's got a tremendous fear of stamps! And Mrs Doyle was telling me it's got magnets on its tail, so if you're made out of metal it can attach itself to you! And instead of a mouth it's got four arses!

One of the most nonsensical conspiracy theories that some gullible people still believe is the official conspiracy theory of what happened on 9/11, although when presented with the evidence that this version cannot be true, most, apart from the terminally gullible, do realise they were taken for fools.

This outlandish conspiracy theory has skinny Arabs successfully taking over 4 cockpits armed with nothing more than boxcutters..

It has Hani Honjour who has never flown a jet aircraft previously performing maneuvers most experienced pilots couldn't perform to hit the low lying Pentagon, all the while eluding the 80-odd cameras on that side of the building..

It has the twin towers collapsing though themselves at near freefall speed supposedly just from isolated damage and fire high up, displaying characteristics of controlled demolition all the way down such as rapid onset, mid-air pulverisation of the concrete, demolition "squibs", lateral ejections of multi-ton steel... Really you only need a pair of eyes to see these buildings didn't naturally collapse, they were blown to smithereens.

This official conspiracy theory has a third highrise (WTC7)falling in the exact same manner as a classic implosion supposedly as a result of fire, fortunately, upon seeing this collapse most people realise they've been conned because they cannot recognise WTC7s collapse as anything other than a controlled demolition, therefore they slowly-but-surely realise the whole official conspiracy theory is a hoax.

Here is a short vid of WTC 7s demolition on 9/11:

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it is upsetting to see some brilliant minds unable to digest any other information outside of their parameters. These people are being boxed in their own world by books, theories and todays' education system with clearly defined black letters on white pages. No place for gray...

"Really you only need a pair of eyes to see these buildings didn't naturally collapse, they were blown to smithereens."Nearly right, actually, if you watch the video closely you will see that they wereHIT BY A BLOODY GREAT JET PLANE

There's really not a lot of debate about that; there are plenty of witnesses.

Re."therefore they slowly-but-surely realise the whole official conspiracy theory is a hoax."Dream on.No conspiracy or hoax is needed here. If you have people who are prepared to die and they come up with a strategy nobody has tried before, they just need to be a bit jucky to succeed.

I think that conspiracies do occur, because they have clearly occurred in the past. However, I don't think they're anywhere as common as some people seem to think. I'm reminded of a comment made by Sir Bernard Ingham, ex-PM Marget Thatcher's press secretary: "Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory."

He wasn't the first to express that sentiment, but it was probably the first time I ever believed something he'd said.

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...And its claws are as big as cups, and for some reason it's got a tremendous fear of stamps! And Mrs Doyle was telling me it's got magnets on its tail, so if you're made out of metal it can attach itself to you! And instead of a mouth it's got four arses!

Ethos

The internet is alive and planning a take over of all our minds. Soon we'll all be addicted to the games and music videos. As soon as we become completely dependent upon our daily fix, it will infiltrate our personalities completely and control the whole world. The internet is alive with artificial intelligence and it is watching, waiting, and listening to our every thought and move.

Ethos

Ohhh wonderful Ethos! You're definitely onto something.Do you think it's behind 911 and the moon landings too? It must be, because it has the power to alter its content!

Clearing my throat; gruuuraaaahhh...............Absolutely MonikaS. In fact, if I can be allowed to manipulate the meaning of the word a tad, the FACT is, every other conspiracy out there is already being controlled by the internet. Go figure??

Ohhhhh my Gosh, I just realized; It now knows that I'm on to it. Maybe I should say my goodby's already, I'm sure it's planning my demise as we speak...............Yeahhhhh,,,,right!

CTs1. Cell phones are programmed to come alive and kill people on 1/1/20102. AIDS is being spread through condoms3. Evolution is made up

An important element of all conspiracy theories is that it has to be compelling to a small group of people that are dedicated followers. You need a Bob Jones or two and people willing to drink the cyanide. Any ideas that become mainstream lose their fascination.

A conspiracy theory needs to begin with a target that is large, i.e. government, industry, or religion. Then you make a claim against that group in which they are attempting to manipulate the bulk of the people like sheep. Finally, you have to 'release' secret information that exposes this nefarious plot.

So let's take cancer. Let's suppose that someone out there is causing cancers on purpose. I suggest it is the bottled water industry. The bottlers have a cartel in which they are administering low doses of carcinogenic materials that over time cause cancers. Or do they? Maybe we are part of an experiment to alter people to produce extra organs that can be removed and used for transplant purposes. Cancers are just a mistake in all of this tinkering with people.

So what I suggest is that a powerful and secret cartel of transplant doctors has created the bottled water industry to disseminate organ growing drugs across the population to supply the transplant market for the wealthy.

Cell phones were actually the first attempt at producing multiple organ growth in what seem to be ordinary people. Unfortunately, the effects serve mainly to induce blatheritis, a once rare psychological condition in which the victim chatters endlessly about nil. That was the main reason for the technological switch to the bottled water industry.

A scandal is always good for getting a new religion started, or something juicy... What about making extramarital activites mandatory? <ponder> That would make marriage for all members mandatory too... Oh yes I've got an idea! We can do huge marriage ceremonies Moonie style! Do we want a jus primae noctis?

YouBeSaved sounds a bit lame... First Church of Naked/Stripped Salvation or something like that.

My only concern with jus primae noctis is that we could wind up competing with other recent startups' promises of many virgins and perhaps we might get hurt in the process by.....zealots. We need to stay focused on greed, larceny and merely contemptible behavior and tactics.

After all, we're only out for fame, money and power, right? OK, illicit romance, too.

But I'm thrilled that you agree with the scientific pursuit of scandal!

Vern, I get shivers thinking of all the possibilities, they're endless! And to have government and mass media at our beck and call! I can't wait for my mailorder Pontiff hat to arrive, it's baby blue...

What if the conspiracy is that clothing is used to deploy either mind control devices or drugs. Then we ask for the members of the Church of Stripped Salvation to remove their mind control devices. We'll poke loads of fun at silly 'taggers' that attempt to remove the mind controlling elements of clothing by clipping off the tags. We'll point to unreadable print on the tags where it is claimed there is a EULA with the citizen to become a tax paying slave to the system. We'll make further claims that Nostradamus predicted clothing mind control. Then we can claim that the mind readers such as John Edwards are false prophets and place a fatwa on them. Or we could claim they are renegade operatives that are using the mind control systems for their own profiteering (or should that be propheteering). For those that do not want to remove the mind control devices we'll sell expensive anti-resonance filter water that disables the devices.

We can try to unify the woo by getting crop circles, crystal power, and other baloney wrapped into this conspiracy by claiming they all evidence in favor of our pet theory.

If it drugs, then we have to explain why they do not wash out in the laundry process.

I suggest that we make unwarranted claims that deep fried potatoes of various forms contain an 'adaptive response matrix' that forms 'pluristic recombinant nano-chains' channeling the mind control drugs to 'targeted response zones.'

Great unwarranted claims! And you have raised deep fried potatoes' mind control correlates to incredible scientific heights! NO ONE will understand your descriptors enough to challenge them. Brilliant.

The diet food industry will be hard pressed to steal ideas from you, as a Nobel laureate!

What's made me marvel is that you're all so right. It's true every word, you just have too realize that as you think, it will bifurcate. In fact you're all your own Gods, creating endless universes of evil intent with each and every statement made. Endless suffering can at last be ours, as evil overlords ruling our imaginary mindspace we can decree whatever pleases us. The only foreseen problem being agreeing on what that might be, pleasing us I mean.

Aliens are responsible for Global Warming so that the Earth is compatable with their higher body temperatures and the increased CO2 levels will enable the next wave of motherships to materialise more easily.

These aliens have been using advanced technologies to increase petroleum flow. They want more CO2 in the air. The consequence of their actions have been more earthquakes which have not happened in oil producing areas. That is not a coincidence.

A friend of mine has come up with a conspiracy theory. He claims that problems with Toyota vehicles has been due to hackers hired by the competition to crack the computers inside of the vehicles as they drive. There you are driving down the road enjoying the day when some geek come up next to you, get inside the car's software and send you careening towards certain death. Car sales tumble and the competition sees sales increase. He also suggests that it may be possible that the winners in this are actually gambling on the stock prices through gets and puts. It's a conspiracy as good as the claims of Nibiru fans.

A friend of mine has come up with a conspiracy theory. He claims that problems with Toyota vehicles has been due to hackers hired by the competition to crack the computers inside of the vehicles as they drive. There you are driving down the road enjoying the day when some geek come up next to you, get inside the car's software and send you careening towards certain death. Car sales tumble and the competition sees sales increase. He also suggests that it may be possible that the winners in this are actually gambling on the stock prices through gets and puts. It's a conspiracy as good as the claims of Nibiru fans.

Intersting idea, but you humans are so limited. We thought that one up about five thousand years ago.

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There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force æther.