Intimacy

Well, we’ve made it to the last component of Mental Wholeness – Trust.

Trust is a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. It’s also an action – actively choosing to believe in those aspects of someone or something.

We can have trust in a lot of different ways. Trust is really helpful in relationships, if we want our connections to thrive. We can have trust in something greater than ourselves, like a specific faith or a belief in unseen power of the universe.

Today, I’m asking you to trust yourself on a new level.

Trusting anything and anyone else comes much easier when we work from the inside out.

Often we need to do the verb version of trust (actively believing in ourselves) to get to the noun version (a solid, stable sense of trust in ourselves, select others, and maybe something greater).

The best way I’ve found to build trust within oneself is to tap into ourselves – our bodies, our intuition, our desires – and actually act on what we find.

Over time, you will see how much you really CAN trust yourself. The situations in your life will unfold so much more perfectly for you when you’re willing to trust yourself and your own inner guidance.

You’ll impact the people around you positively, too.

You might have stopped trusting yourself & the world a long time ago.

Maybe you experienced something horrible, or you’ve done some things you regret, and you feel like you stopped trusting for a reason.

I hope you’ll give this a try anyway.

Growing up, we learn to trample on our own boundaries and let everyone around us do the same thing. We take on the values and perspectives of the people who raised us & our society rather than understanding who we are and what we believe in. We learn that our value is in the pleasure we bring to other people.

Living from that frame of mind is where we los trust in ourselves in the first place.

The truth is, we can increase our value – both to ourselves and to others – with the pleasure we provide for OURSELVES. We do this through tapping into ourselves, so we can hear our inner guidance and act on the feedback we get.

Here’s the thing – like we talked about back in beliefs – you may have started off on the wrong foot with this as a child, and for good reason. You wanted to survive within your family and in the world.

You’re your own adult now. You can set your own rules. You get to take care of yourself, and you can trust yourself to do a better job than anyone else ever could.

Other people will follow suit, though – you will receive the best treatment of your life from everyone around you when you let them follow your lead.

When we nurture a sense of trust in ourselves, the world opens up for us in beautiful ways.

We become one with the world and the rest of creation. We start receiving inspired ideas that put is in just the right space to receive whatever we’re ready for in just the right moment.

Trust leads us right back into acceptance that everything is unfolding perfectly for us, leading us to what we want, even if it doesn’t look the way we thought we would.

We need to learn to accept the way the world is unfolding around us, and trust that it will all work out in our favor, especially in the unpleasant moments.

It’s also helpful to accept the fact that there’s always more work to do. Even when you get the things you want, you will want something new, and that’s OK. Even when you feel mentally whole and you trust yourself, it will always be possible to take it to a new, deeper level.

As long as you’re trusting yourself, and taking action on your own inner guidance, you’re on the path.

Generosity is readily giving more of oneself – more time, more money, more kindness – than is necessary or expected considering the situation. I’m sure you know, generosity is an extremely desirable quality to have.

It also has a dark side.

Unfortunately, the desire to give weighs heavily on some generous people when they don’t practice giving to themselves first and foremost. Generous people often give to others, to their own detriment.

The pressure we feel to be generous often doubles during the holiday season.

For instance… We donate money or buy gifts before accounting for our own financial well-being.

We always say “yes” to new responsibilities or events, when we’re already worn paper thin.

We force smiles and niceties with people and family members who don’t make us feel good, just to maintain the status quo.

When we neglect our own needs like this for the benefit of others, we nurture a breeding ground for resentment, anger, and eventually burnout, when we have absolutely nothing left to give.

This is not the spirit of generosity. True generosity happens naturally – inspired and overflowing from a full cup, without creating any hardship whatsoever for the giver.

To the contrary – true acts of giving always carry an element of receiving too. Contributing to someone else’s life from an inspired, loving place always feels genuinely enjoyable, abundant, and fulfilling for everyone involved.

When you’re NOT enjoying the process of giving – when you feel like you don’t have a choice, or you feel that you never get anything back in return – that’s a sure sign you’ve stepped into the territory of self-induced self-sacrifice.

So let’s take a step back, shall we?

These tips will help your giving spirit thrive throughout the holiday season.

1. Take 100% responsibility for the way you feel. Let other people take 100% responsibility for the way they feel, too. Your #1 job is to care for yourself – let that be your priority. It’s not your job to make other people happy. It’s not up to anyone else to make you happy, either. People will survive and thrive without you, or they’ll learn how with practice. That is a very, very good thing.

2. Learn what your “full body yes” feels like, then follow it. Close your eyes, take deep breaths, connect with your body, connect with the wisest part of you, and ask – what does a full body “yes” feel like? Say NO to everything that doesn’t elicit that solid YES reaction. You’ll still have plenty of amazing things to fill your calendar, especially during this time of year. Your time is valuable and in high demand – spend time following your “yes”, not pushing down your “no”.

3. Only commit to projects, parties, and people when you KNOW you will deliver. Everything on your to-do list will subtly drain your energy until it’s complete, so be deliberate, be selective, and be realistic. Don’t stretch yourself too thin. You don’t owe an explanation to anyone – you’re allowed to say “no” (or at least stay temporarily non-committal).

When you give generously to yourself first, a joyful generosity towards others will naturally emerge – because nothing feels better than making an impact in the life of a loved one or someone who needs it.