Seto and Yami are in a duel...again! But what's this? Seto has a card that will destroy everyone...bwahahahahaha!! Join our favorite characters in the twisted backwards parallel universe that is my mind!!!

Disclaimer: *somewhere in an
alternate universe* BWAHAHAHAHAHA!! I own Yu-Gi-Oh!
*back in this universe* I'm poor. *pout* I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or anything related to it... I probably own Angry Black Mama
in some weird distorted way...

Author's Notes: This is a PARODY. In
other words, I'm making fun of the way the characters act normally. Which is
why Seto is dressed...the way he's dressed...and why Téa constantly screams. Anywho, this is a product of my deranged mind and NOTHING
ELSE!! Bwahahahahaha!! I would like to thank my
friend who my anime otaku friends and I have dubbed 'Miroku', because he
indirectly helped come up with small amounts of the material in the story.
Now...on with the parody!! Cuss words are used frequently with much glamour. If you don't like it, tough....

"GO
SETO!!! KICK YUGI'S ASS!!!" Téa yelled from the
balcony. Tristan was nowhere to be found. He had probably randomly exploded
long before this story began. Down at the dueling platform, the two duelists
faced off against eachother.

"I
play the Blue Eyes White Dragon, for my opening card!" Seto, who was
wearing a frilly pink dress and sloppily applied makeup (making him look like a
deranged prostitute...), and twirling a purse around his left hand while
placing the card with his right. The fabled white dragon with blue eyes
appeared, roaring and making sounds of terror and stuff.

"Child's play! My opening move is...Air Marmot of
Nefariousness!" Yugi, well actually Yami, exclaimed. He was wearing...a
pair of shorts. And that was it. Oh, the shorts had smiley-faces on them...
Anyhow, the stupid looking obese rat with wings appeared.

"Yes,"
Yami started, dramatically, "But it is a known fact that Blue-Eyes White
Dragons have only one weakness...they are scared to death of rodents!"

"NO!!"
Seto gasped, paling.

"YES!!!"
Yami shouted.

"NO!"
Seto shrieked.

"YES!!"
Yami yelled.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Seto
screamed.

"Y-"
Yami started, but was interrupted by Téa, who gently told them to move on...

"GET
ON WITH THE DUEL YOU DAMN IDIOTS!!!!!" she shrieked.

"Yes
M'aam!" they exclaimed.

"Anyway,
because of this weakness, Blue-Eyes looses 3400 of it's
3500 attack points, WAY enough for me to destroy it! Go, Air Marmot!!

"Squak!" the marmot exclaimed.

"ROAR!!"
the Blue Eyes shrieked in terror, cowering on the ground with it's hands over it's eyes and it's wings flat on it's back.

"ARGH!!!" Seto arghed in
defeat as the Blue-Eyes was destroyed.

"Your move, Kaiba!" Yami exclaimed, triumphant,
doing a dance of victory on his dueling platform. This was made difficult
because his feet were handcuffed to the platform, but whatever...

"That's
Seto!!" Seto exclaimed. He then drew a card.

"Yuuuuugi!! He drew Saggi the Dark Clowwwwwwn!"
Mokuba yelled from his perch on a high shelf on the other side of the dueling
platform, with binoculars. Seto turned and glared at him.

"Whose
side are you ON?!" he demanded.

"The side that's paying me 20$ per card!" Mokuba
yelled back. Seto began to cry, smearing his sloppily applied mascara.

"Even
my own family is turning against me?! Why? WHY?? WH-"
Seto began to lament. "CUT
THE DAMN CRYING AND MOVE ON WITH THE DUEL!!!!" screamed Téa,
psychopathically. Seto nodded, and dried his tears with his purse.

"Téa
is right. I should just put this behind me," he said. Then, he
dramatically placed a card from his hand face up on the field. "Swordstalker, skin that damn rat!" Seto shrieked. Swordstalker grinned evilly, and destroyed the Air Marmot.

"Dark Magician! Shatter the Swordstalker!"
Dark Magician appeared, blew a kiss to the female fans in the audience (who swooned),
and attacked the Swordstalker with his spiffycool
staff type thing.

"Oh,
Dark Magician is so GREAT!!" the female fans in the audience exclaimed
and, in unison, all pulled out their Dark Magician cards and began to glomp
them with red hearts appearing above them in the air.

"I'm
running out of options...damn..." Seto said, as he drew a card. He jumped
for joy. "I spoke too soon! I'll play a card so frightening and terrible
that all Duel Monsters tremble before it!" Seto started. Yami attempted to
back away in fear, but he was chained to the platform.

"...a
card that is unstoppable! I play...the Angry Black Mama in attack mode!!!"
Seto exclaimed. With a flash of light, the aforementioned card appeared on the field.
She looked very much PO-ed, wearing an apron and some sort of scarf on her
head. Her fingernailed hands were on her hips. Everyone stared at the card, dumbfounded.

"You
are expecting to win with that card? It has 2000 attack points...which is
actually pretty good... but not as good as Dark Magician..." Yami said.

"But
wait! I'll add this...a power up card called the Broom of Doom!" Seto
exclaimed, placing another card on the field. A broom materialized in her
hands, and she smirked at the Dark Magician. The broom raised her attack points
to 2500.

"But
you still have no idea of the awesome power of Angry Black Mama! She doesn't
get a Field Power Bonus for being on ANY field, so
instead, she gets power-ups against certain cards...namely, MALE cards!"
Seto shrieked diabolically.

"No!"
Yami exclaimed, in denial.

"Yes!!!"
Seto shrieked diabolically.

"NO!!"
Yami yelled in shock.

"YES!!!!"
Seto screamed.

"N-"
Yami started again.

"SHUT
UP!! DAMN YOU!! JUST CONTINUE WITH THE DUEL BEFORE I HAVE TO COME DOWN THERE
AND PERSONALLY RIP YOUR STUPID ARMS OFF!!!" Téa screamed in furious angry
rage. The two rivals gulped, and turned back to the duel.

"Angry Black Mama! ATTACK!!!"
Seto commanded, smirking VERY evilly. The aforementioned card shifted her broom
to one hand, and put her other hand on her hip.

"In
the absence of a translator, I shall have to fill in, with my brilliance! Allow
me to see... it seems
as if the Furious African-American Mother asked the Dark Magician
what it was that he was in the process of doing. Dark Magician asked if she was
referring to him. She replied positively, saying rather sarcastically that she
was NOT talking to him, but the other adolescent male with a current state of
action that reflects stupidity," Joey said.

"That's
Jonouchi, thank you," he replied. The narrator sweatdropped.

"Um..."
Bakura and Téa said in unison.

"Boy(bwoiee), what'chu
just say?" Angry Black Mama demanded. Seto, Yami, Mokuba, and Dark
Magician also looked clueless. Everybody coughed, and tried to forget what had
just happened, continuing with the duel.

"I
can't do that! This is all I'm wearing!!" Dark Magician protested. The
females of the audience grinned at him.

"That's
all right, Dark Magey-chan!! You can take it off, we
won't mind!" they exclaimed, in perfect unison. Dark Magician blushed,
Angry Black Mama fumed, and Seto and Yami commenced in hitting their rather
hard heads against the dueling platform.

"YARGH!!" Angry Black
Mama exclaimed, having had enough, hitting him in the head a few times with the
Broom of Doom. (TM)

"Ow! Ow! Besides, I can't that
this off, it's what I wear! I'm a Duel Monster, you idiot!" Dark
Magician protested.

"I
KNOW you did NOT just call ME an idiot!!" Angry Black Mama screamed.

"If the shoe fits!!" Dark Magician snapped.

"^%$**&^%^*$%^@#$^$%$^&@$%^%#&$%^@#$%@#$^$%^$%!!!!"
Angry Black Mama shrieked and, with that menacing battle cry, she jumped Dark
Magician, shredding his armor and leaving him in nothing but a pair of purple
boxers. The female members of the audience swooned, the black members of the
audience hooped and hollered, cheering the Angry
Black Mama, and the other male members of the audience
just grumbled about how they could be JUST as handsome as Dark Magician if they
dyed their hair...

"Now
git to your (yawr) room and
clean it!" the Angry Black Mama exclaimed, hitting the Dark Magician with
her broom. He was destroyed, and Yugi's life points
went down.

"Crapola!" Yami shouted.
He started to panic.

'Shit
shit shit shit SHIT!! If I lose this duel I'll have to be Téa's slave for a week! FUCK FUCK
FUCK FUCK!!! WHAT THE HELL
AM I GOING TO DO, DAMMIT?!?!' he mentally screamed
.Well, there went the PG-13 rating...

'Relax,
Yami. I've got a plan!' Yugi reassured his evil psychopathic side who was
cursing wildly and threatening mass homicide... 'We just need to draw the
right card!! Come on, Heart of the Cards, don't let us down!' Yugi cheered.

'You
don't ACTUALLY believe in that hoakey crap, do you?'
Yami asked.

'You
DON'T believe in it? How do you think we won the duels with Mai and Pegsy?' Yugi protested. Yami mentally shrugged.

'Dumb
luck,' he replied.

'ARGH! YAMI!! That's NOT what you were supposed to
say!' Yugi screamed at him.

"Uh ..Yugi? What are you doing?" Seto called from across
the dueling field. Yugi had suddenly gone silent, but was waving his hands
wildly and frantically, as if he were two people talking with the same body. He
wasn't saying a word...and it was REALLY creeping Seto out. Seto,
and the rest of the UNIVERSE!!!

"MIHO-CHAN!! How great it is to see you!!" Jonouchi greeted the girl. The girl smiled in a friendly
way, and then exploded. Apparently the narrator doesn't like her that much,
either. Well, it's not that the narrator doesn't like Miho, but more like she
is just dead weight in an already pointless story. So, why did I write the
previous paragraph(s)? To mess with your minds. Did I
succeed???

Yugi
and Yami had failed to notice the appearance of Miho, and had continued in
their mental debate.

'Really? Wow, I didn't know we HAD a rational
voice. Where have you been?' Yugi replied. The new voice paused, seeming to
think.

'Mostly
on Vacation in Jamaica,' the voice replied. Yugi and Yami turned to look at
eachother mentally, and shrugged in unison, returning to their debate.

'Anyway,
you said you had an idea for the duel...' Yami started.

'Huh?
Oh! Right! I was thinking...Seto said that she gets a power bonus against MALE
cards, right? Why don't we play a female card?' Yugi suggested, pointing to
a card in his deck.

'GOOD
THINKING YUGI!!' Yami exclaimed. Yugi beamed with pride.

"YUUUUUUGI! HELLOOOOOOO!! YOU IN THERE?"
Seto exclaimed. Yami suddenly blinked, smirked at Kaiba, drawing a card. He
grinned at the card, kissed it, and then proceeded to
glomp it in joy. Everyone sweatdropped, except Seto.

"What's
your move? Or do you surrender? I wouldn't blame you if you did, not many cards
in Duel Monsters can stand against the awesome power of Angry Black Mama!"
Seto ego-tripped.

"I'll
never surrender! Go, Dark Magician...GIRL!!" Yami exclaimed, dramatically
placing her card face-up on the field. Dark Magician Girl appeared, and blew a
kiss at the audience, posing in a series of provocative poses. The male members
of the audience drooled, the females grumbled about skanky
blondes, and the black members of the audience continued to hoop and holler, yo.

"Is
THAT your big play?" Seto asked, not even TRYING to hold back his
laughter.

"I'm
not done YET, Kaiba!" Yami exclaimed, getting ready to place another card
on the field.

"I'll
add an equipment magic card called Black Pendant to Dark Magician Girl, raising
her attack powers by 500 points! Dark Magician Girl and Angry Black Mama are
equal!" Yami exclaimed. Seto smirked, and on his next turn, placed a Magic
card face down on the field. No one could pronounce it's
name, but it took Dark Magician Girl's attack points back to 2000.

Dark
Magician Girl was destroyed and Yugi's life points
went down. Yugi pouted, noticing that every time I talk about life points going
down, I say him, but whenever Yami is playing a kickbutt
monster, I use his name...

"I've
just drawn the card of your destruction! It will most surely take down that
fearsome beast of yours!" Yami exclaimed.

"Fearsome
beast?" asked Mokuba.

"Damn
straight!" she shouted, and prepared for battle.

"First,"
Yami said, elegantly pulling a card from his hand and preparing to lay it down
on the field, "I'll play Celtic Guardian in Attack Mode! I'll also play a
very unimportant card that will NOT be the instrument of your destruction face
down!" Yami said. Seto eyed the Harpy's Feather Duster Card in his hand.

'Better
not use it. He DID just say that it was unimportant and would NOT be the
instrument of my destruction...' he thought. He shook his head.

"HEY!!
You said it WOULDN'T be the instrument of my destruction!" Seto protested.

"I
lied," Yami replied, shrugging. "Anyway, the Trap Card I'm now
playing is called 'Fried Chicken'! This is a very fearsome Trap Card indeed! It
stops any monster that is attacking and also likes Fried Chicken from
attacking," Yami explained, sounding all smart and scholarly. A bucket of
KFC appeared on the field, and the Angry Black Mama took one look at it, and
dove straight into the bucket, abandoning her broom and lowering her attack
points to 2000. Loud eating noises could be heard from within.

"NO!!!"
Seto shrieked in denial. Yami was about to reply, but stopped at the demonic
and evil look Téa was giving him.

"But
stopping the Angry Black Mama is not the only thing this Trap Card does!"
Yami pointed out.

"Eh?"
Seto asked. His attention was suddenly turned to Angry Black Mama, who had
finally come up for air. She was MUCH plumper than before.

"What's
going on?" he asked. Yami snickered.

"My
Trap Card has transformed her into a different monster! Now, she is the Fat
Black Mama!" the king of games explained. Seto felt like his world was
shattering like glass. He clutched the Dueling Platform where the score and the
time and number of times a duelist had thought about sex and other miscellaneous
information was. It was true; the display showed the name Fat Black Mama,
with...500 attack and defense points.

"What'chu doin',
foo'? Put away dat
sword!" she exclaimed. The Celtic Guardian pulled his sword away from her
and began to stroke it, lovingly, sending a glare at Fat Black Mama that said
'No way in HELL, bitch!!'.

"Hey!
Don't gimme dat kinda look,
foo'!" Fat Black Mother screamed. Celtic
Guardian jumped with his awesome elvish skills, and
sliced her in half. She was destroyed, and Seto's already damaged life points
went down to 0! Yami won! Yay!!!

"Crap!"
Seto screamed, and threw his purse at Yami. Yami dodged to the side, and the
purse zoomed past him, blowing up when it came into contact with the nearest
solid object...which happened to be Bandit Keith, Bonz,
the Paradox Brothers, Weevil Underwood, Rex Raptor, Pegasus, Heishin, and the stupid dubbers
that changed 'Saint Dragon, God of Osiris' to 'Slysheen the Sky Dragon'. -_-'''

"DAMN!!
SETO LOST!!" Téa shrieked.

"Come
on! 20$! Hand it over!" Bakura demanded. She screamed at him for thirty
minutes, then handed him a twenty dollar bill. He cheerily ran off to buy plain
M 'n M's. Mokuba ran up, danced joyfully, and congratulated Yami in winning the
duel. Téa ran up and threatened unholy violence to Seto, screaming at him that
she wanted her dress back. Jonouchi stood on the
platform, calculating things. He had a pleased look on his face. Seto ripped
the Angry Black Mama card in half, and threw it into a conveniently placed
fire. At this gesture, the remaining black members of the audience abruptly
left, destroying some random things in the process.

"Well,
Kaiba, are you going to hold up your part of the bargain?" Yami asked,
holding out a pink bunny rabbit suit. Seto sighed.

"I'm
bound to my word," he said, taking the rabbit costume. He then proceeded
to strip (the female audience members swooned) and turn around in a circle
three times shouting 'I'M A MAGICAL UNICORN!!!! WITH RAINBOW HAIR AND GLOWING
HORN!!!'. He then (to the relief of everything even
REMOTELY male in the vicinity and to the disappointment of everything REMOTELY
female in the vicinity) put on the rabbit costume, and crouched down, putting
his hands in front of him like they were paws, and proceeded to make rabbit-ey noises. Yami cackled diabolically.

"Come,
Fluffy! We're off to the mall!" he said, and proudly marched out of the
room, followed by a very agitated 'Fluffy'. And all was good. Mokuba followed
Yami and 'Fluffy', taking snapshots fervently and with much vigor. 'He he he...blackmail is GOOD!'

The author would like to thank you for your continued support. Your review has been posted.