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The Key To Effective Communicating

Tag Archives: over protective mother

Note: (This is the extreme case of this personality, also physical in this case means extrovert.)

Dear Physical Mother,

Please put your child down and back away slowly… lol. What a perfect mother you are. Your attentiveness and your awareness of your child’s every move and thought are to be commended. If more people would show the care and concern that you do for your child there’d be less room for random events occurring in the lives of our future societal custodians. Your family looks nice, eats well and stays active in current events. People mistake your love and attention for being over protective and they don’t understand that what goes on in ‘your’ house is none of their business. Your husband or boyfriend may tell you to stop baby-ing your child but your protective nature wards off any who dare challenge your authority. Physical mother, thank you for your unconditional love.

That was the good part…

Here are some ways to enhance your home environment for the better. First…there is a such thing as loving too much. The undying love that you show to your child will ultimately result in hate and disdain from your child. Without autonomy (one’s ability to make decisions for themselves), your child will become dependent on you for most of their decision-making. God forbid that anything should ever happen to you, your child will be left without a guide and will only then begin to grow up; unfortunately sometimes too late. The resentment will come from them wanting to be left alone and not always having someone looking over their shoulder to see if they’re doing things right. This also makes for an emotional (withdrawn) child or what most women hate…a momma’s boy. Remember that in oder for two personalities to coexist, one has to make room for the other. So, if your personality is huge and fills a room, you will only be surrounded by people whose personality can endure the weight of yours…or there’ll be problems. What you’re meaning for good is resulting in a problem for someone else. I know you’d say “that’s ok he/she can come back and live with me.” Uh, stop that…that is not healthy for your child.

As it relates to a mate, your mate ‘should’ again be someone who accommodates your personality. This means the more of a physical that you are, the more of an emotional you’ll need to exist in peace. It’s normally the physical woman who says, “I want a man who can handle me.” The type of man who could ‘handle’ you would be a physical. The only problem with this scenario is that he’d try to turn you into an emotional (introvert or submissive)… that’s not going to workout too well for you. The type of guy that would ‘balance’ you is the one that you probably can’t stand in a relationship but makes a great friend…the emotional. Now if you’re wondering why most of the guys that you meet at the club don’t quite workout in long-term relationships, it’s because they’re just like you – a physical. The type of guy that you really need is probably at home on the computer…yes I know you know the type. This guy is the one that can settle you down when you’re too anxious. He’s the voice of reason when things get out of control. He’s not a loser or less than a man because he procrastinated when it comes to confronting challenging situations or making a payment arrangement for that matter. He’s a thinker you’re the do-er. He also doesn’t do confrontation well…this is why he normally backs down or walks away from any sign of an issue. If we’d allow each person to play their role and not try to make them into ourselves life would become a lot easier.

I’ll say this in closing; there is no right or wrong as it relates to each personality, there are only differences. Physical mother I beg of you to balance your love and affection for your child and your mate. Our gifts when not used correctly turn into curses. Balance is the key to life and what better talents to balance than love and affection.

For anyone that has read my earlier posts, you know that when I say Emotional that means the introvert and the physical is the extrovert. As I see the divorce rate climb and new marriage rate fall, I thought I’d discuss an issue that is most times overlooked when trying to find a cause for this trend. This is my letter to the emotional father:

Dear Emotional Father,

Someone does get you. The place of solitude where you reside is only mental incarceration when not used for positive means. You are very thoughtful when others are not and although you don’t show it, you know that you care even more than most. People don’t understand that your silence is your stress release and deny you your time to unwind. They don’t understand that when the ride in the car gets quiet it doesn’t mean that something’s wrong it’s just that you’re thinking more intently about the conversation. Your patience is unmatched and people always find you easy to talk to or a great listener. Emotional father…I get it!

Now that we’ve established that, let me explain to you how to make your life a lot easier. First of all in your home, you must, must, must become more verbal about your feelings toward your family! You must, must, must begin to physically interact with your family more. Wrestle, hug, kiss etc. human beings need affection and physical contact to survive and someone has chosen to get that from you! Although you may say I’m just not good with that, its only because that’s how you were taught to communicate (fake it till you make it). Believe it or not you can become a more sociable person. You will never change into a completely different person, but you can modify your behavior as it is now. Your, daughter needs it, your son needs it, your wife needs it! The alternative to this is to continue to have a disfunctional family. Your wife and your child are doing things that you have no idea about because they’re keeping things inside ..just…like…you!

Would you agree that most arguments start with an issue but always end with how the other doesn’t know how to communicate? What you’re each saying is that the other doesn’t know how to communicate the way that you do…and you’re right! But that doesn’t make them wrong. The wrong in these case is the lack of understanding what communication truly is. Communication is saying what you want to a person the way they need to hear it. It’s that simple. This requires truly listening and getting an understanding of how the other person expresses themselves and stop calling them wrong for doing so.

So, I’ll close this by saying how we express our emotions are the beginning and end of all relationship woes. If we’d first understand ourselves and how we express and receive information, we could then begin the process of understanding someone else. At the end of the day, any issue that you have in your life , as it relates to communication, is only solved by changing yourself first!!!!