Celebrity Pitfalls

In the news last year it seemed as if every day brought a fresh report of a celebrity cheating on their partner. And I’m sorry to say guys – men were the most conspicuous culprits. Possibly the most well documented love-rat saga (in the UK, at least), was the betrayal of Cheryl Cole by footballer Ashley. It wasn’t the first time he’d cheated on her, and this year his inability to stay faithful led to the end of their marriage. Cue months of tabloid photos of Cheryl looking ‘frail’ and apparently in despair, and Ashley looking puzzlingly smug and oh-so-easy-to-hate. Apart from Cole, other well- known rats gained some extra column inches – Tiger Woods, Ronan Keating, Mark Owen, Mel Gibson, to name but a few.

Cultural differences solved for Qatar 2018 through the use of sexy London escort “negotiators”.

Yes, 24 Carat is proud to reveal that the recent problems raised by the decision to house the world cup in a completely teetotal, largely homophobic country have been solved singlehandedly by, well, us. In 2012 approximately 450,000 London Escorts from the best London Escort agency in the world (i.e us) will be shipped, flown and, in extreme circumstances, catapulted into Qatar. It’s believed by top psychologists and anthropologists (us again) that this will help raise the general morale and, more importantly, distract the heavy handed Qatarian police force from the thousands of hipflasks bound to be smuggled into the grounds.

Take a Leak with 24 Carat

In light of the recent Wikileaks steady release of US Embassy cables, 24 Carat has decided to put in place a continuous release of its own memos. Craftily named The London Escort Leaks. Perhaps a name change is in order. Okay from now on they’ll be called UK London Escorts Cables. See, that rolls off the tongue a lot nicer.

Is it in the Genes or just Jeans?

There was an interesting snippet of news in The Sun yesterday, reporting how scientists had traced the mutant gene for giantism carried by hundreds of people today back to a 7’7’’ giant living 150 years ago. He was called Charles “Irish Giant” Byrne and appeared in 18th century freak shows. Analysis on Byrne’s teeth DNA showed that the gene could actually be tracked to 500 AD. The study was lead by Professor Karbonitis of Bart’s Hospital, who said “It is now possible to trace down carriers of this gene in time and treat them before they grow to be giants”.

Fatty Fetish Anyone

There are some strange people out there. Really strange. Scanning through my fave online magazines, I encountered a feature in ‘Closer’ that made my mouth drop open in awe (slightly disgusted awe, I must say). Before my innocent eyes was a photo of 41 stone Gillian Ward, a 34-year old woman who calls herself an ‘eco-crusher’.

The photo celebrated every huge roll of fat tumbling off her bum and legs like jelly. To me she looked grotesque, but apparently there are thousands of men who absolutely love the…ahem….larger ladies, or Supersized Big Beautiful Women (SBBW) as they’re known. Gillian is so loved for her ‘curves’ that she is able to earn £55000 a year from her online fans. She posts photos of herself either just posing, or working on her speciality – crushing people’s rubbish with her bulk! Apparently men like to send her junk such as beer cans, and receive photos of Gillian squashing them between her breasts! She then recycles the waste.

I was somewhat surprised to find that admiration of very fat girls spawns such a thriving industry. A little more research took me to a similar, older article in Closer, featuring 28 stone Jennifer Lauren, who flaunts her massive, 5ft bottom on a website dedicated to the cause. 38-year old Jennifer looks odd because all this extra weight has piled onto her lower half -she remains a size 16 on top.

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