Chris Christie Pulls Hammy, Out Of Running For Trump Chief Of Staff

WASHINGTON – “I don’t run. If I’d known there was going to be running involved, I would’ve ended this speculation much sooner,” former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie said. He was responding to news today that he was being considered for President Trump’s next Chief of Staff.

Christie’s people released a statement saying he was “taking himself out of the running for the Chief of Staff position.” The disgraced governor doesn’t do anything that involves running. “I think that’s pretty apparent,” he told reporters.

“I can stroll, like I did with President Obama, and even walk what I consider ‘briskly’ for a few feet,” Christie said, “That’s it though. I tried to jog once. Forget it. That stuff isn’t for me.”

“I told the president I don’t have the stamina to deal with a serious position like Chief of Staff, right now,” he said, panting. “Can you believe it? I pulled a hamstring getting out of bed and now I’m out of the running.”

Christie adds his name to the list of people who have declined positions before ever being offered a job. According to The Babylon Bee, rapper Eminem has also declined to accept the Chief of Staff job if it’s ever offered to him.