I just want you to tell me that you hate me. Please, for the love of god. Maybe then the next time I see you my heart won’t race the way it does. Maybe then I won’t smile back at you, or accept our friendship the way it is. I know you see how much I still care for you. I know you see how much it’s killing me. Every second of time we spend together is a second I spend willing myself to kiss you one last time.

I’ve tried distracting myself with other boys. I’ve forced attraction that I don’t feel toward them. And I can genuinely say that “getting over you by getting under someone else” doesn’t work. I’ve become a person i quite dislike in order to get away from the person I was when I was with you. Every time we hang out it’s like I’ve been taken back to where we used to be. And it’s excruciating. I love you still for who you are. And I wish you would hate me for who I am now. I miss you terribly, sweetheart.

Come and say hi!

Letter To My Ex is run by journalist and blogger Rachel Smith. Write a letter of your own, read thousands of letters from all over the world or check out the latest on the blog, where we touch on everything to do with break-ups, exes, single life, dating and relationships in general.
If you'd like to get in touch, you can email us here, or via post to LTME HQ, PO Box 464 Newtown NSW 2042.