Several languages die every year. Many people feel this is a positive trend and that a world with fewer languages promotes harmony and understanding between people. Analyze both sides of this argument and provide your opinion.

One Possible Solution: (Nothing is perfect! Please take this as an example only!)

This resource has been reviewed.
However, there is always space for improvement. Please don't hesitate to contact us
to improve the service and to help your friends improve!

Since technology has taken unimaginable strides over the years, world has become a global village. It is argued that in the wake of technology a significant number of languages are weeded out. It depends upon the perception and perspective of different people as to how they take these changes. The following paragraphs depict both sides of the coin.

To begin with, I would like to state that knowing a common language has played a pivotal role in the prevailing scenario. For instance, English is known as a global language because it is assimilation and amalgamation of all the different countries. Now any modern man can become a globe trotter capable of visiting, trading and getting higher education from any part of the globe. Hence, it is clear from the above example that having less languages gives more opportunities to explore the world more closely. Beside this, people can get a chance to know each other very well, owing to no communication barriers.

On the contrary, many people are of the view that this will disappear many languages. Take India, For instance, the youth of this country prefer to speak in English, instead to talk in their own national language, as they believe that this will be congenial for them to settle down their career in near future. The reason could be that now the multinational companies are found any corner of the world and they hire only people that are good in English. Thus, it has been seen from the given example that, people feel that this trend will vanish their traditional languages. However, I am at the variance of this statement because it is today demands to know the global language as we are living in a techno-savvy world whereby nothing is possible without communication as every business, education, shopping and social interaction are held on internet.

Keeping all the above in consideration, I would like to conclude that it is a positive approach that nowadays, we have fewer languages to deal with; because to embark the paradigm of excellence and epitome of perfection, one has to flow with the waves of water.

+TASK ACHIEVEMENT
You were fully able to achieve the task by analysing both sides of the issue and showing your own opinion on that.
+LEXICAL RESOURCE
Vocabulary is good.

+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are well organised.

+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Compare to the original writing.

PERSONAL ADVICE:
+ Punctuation problems:
> "Since, the technology has taken the stride over the years;world has become"
> "It is argued that,"
> "I would like to state that,"
> "English is ..., because it ..." (no need to use a commma before "because". The reason is that the second clause is very short.)
> Many errors in the third paragraph
+ Article "the" in "Since the technology has taken the stride over the years"
+ incomplete: "the perception and perspective of different people,how they take these changes"
> You can say like this but in academic writing, you have to modify it.
+ Subject Verb Agreement
> "The following paragraphs depicts the both sides of coin"
+ Wrong expression "the both sides of coin"
+ You shouldn't use "because" when writing only one clause.
GOOD: I didn't go to class because it was raining heavily.
BAD: I didn't go to class. Because it was raining heavily.
+ Redundancy: "To conclude .... I would like to conclude that"