Not really about clubs at all

Edible Tide Pods

I couldn’t help myself. I had to do it. I’m mid-Dryuary, it’s cold AF out (or downright tropical depending on the day – cool. we’re all gonna die soon. it’s cool.), and 2018 has already brought us a deadly trend that’s been memed to oblivion. Plus, after like ten days of staring at Tide pods and thinking how delicious they look, I decided to figure out how to make some for real edible ones.

I made up several recipes in my head – first Jello, then hard candy crescents with like fun dip powder or something and finally I landed on GUMMIES. Because even if they turned out like a poison-themed Pinterest fail, they’d at least be delicious.

So I made some gelatin. Then, because I couldn’t find any moon-shaped cookie cutters or molds, I purchased a fancy knife at the cake store (why spend money on things you need when you can spend money on a knife you’ll never use again but that also sort of makes you look like a secret serial killer?) to cut the gelatin.

NBD just making some food that could be poisonous with this scalpel thing, nothing to see here. Move along thx

I used a picture of real-life Tide pods for inspiration, but really I just aimed to cut out shitty-looking little whales.

Meanwhile, I made the base of the pod with the white gelatin so that I could get the full cube effect of the Tide pods. I THOUGHT OF EVERYTHING. Once I finished cutting out all of the ugly whales and eating most of the leftover gelatin for dinner, I attempted the hardest part of this project – getting the wrappers on the pods. I went totally rogue for this one and decided that two packets of Knox gelatin mixed with 1/3rd cup of water would gel enough to make the plastic.

I microwaved the flavorless gelatin for about 45 seconds and now I think I know what burnt horse hooves smell like so that was awful, BUT it did give me the right texture. I brushed a thin layer on the bottom of the silicon mat, and despite the fact that it didn’t stick all that well due to the canola oil spray, it did a pretty good job in keeping the colored gelatin stuck to the bottom when I poured in the white gelatin.

I guess it’s worth mentioning that at this point my entire kitchen is covered in dried, hardened gelatin drops and canola oil spray.

Once I covered my gel pod/whales/poor excuses for Jello ying yang symbols, I topped the mixture with the backs of the pod and poured more hoof-scented clear gelatin over the pods.

Mmmm, hooves

I chilled another 20 mins or so, used my serial killer tool to cut the clear gelatin and BOOM. EDIBLE TIDE PODS, FUCKERS.