NUDITY – I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, ‘Mom, that lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!’

OPINIONS – On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, ‘The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents ..’

KETCHUP – A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.. It was the minister calling, ‘Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now, She’s hitting the bottle.’

MORE NUDITY—A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, ‘What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?’

POLICE # 1—While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, ‘Are you a cop? Yes,’ I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?’ ‘Yes, that’s right,’ I told her. ‘Well, then,’ she said as she extended her foot toward me, ‘would you please tie my shoe?’

SCHOOL – A little girl had just finished her first week of school. ‘I’m just wasting my time,’ she said to her mother. ‘I can’t read, I can’t write, and they won’t let me talk!’

HAVE A HAPPY HALLOWEEN:
You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when:
10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You need to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your Balance and fall over. 6. People say: ‘Great Boris Karloff Mask,’ And you’re not wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, ‘Trick or…’ And can’t remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won’t dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You’re the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker. And the number one reason Seniors should not go Trick Or Treating..*
1. You keep having to go home to pee.

Have Another Laugh
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, showed up at the country club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old blonde who knocked everyone’s socks off. She hung on Bob’s arm and listened intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club were all aghast. At the first chance, they cornered him and asked “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?”

Bob replied, “Girlfriend? She’s my wife!”

They were blown over. “So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?” “I lied about my age,” Bob replied. What, you told her you were only 50?” Bob smiled and said, “No, I told her I was 90.”