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Getting over someone after a break-up can be tough enough, but getting over someone you never even had in the first place can be just as difficult in a lot of ways if not more so. You'll need to confront the issue bravely and honestly before you can put an end to it and move on.

Steps

Part 1

Confront the Issue

1

Admit to your feelings. You already know that you have feelings for this person. If you have not fully admitted to yourself just how strong those feelings are, though, you will need to do that before you can start getting over them. Ignoring the strength of the enemy—in this case, your own feelings of affection will only make it more difficult to triumph in the end.

Even though you never actually dated, you invested a lot of time, energy, and emotion into this person. The depth of your feelings probably reflect this.

Resist the urge to brush this off as nothing more than a “silly little crush.” Admitting to the full depth of your feelings may knock your pride down a peg or two, but ultimately, this action will be more helpful than letting yourself stay in denial.

2

Tell yourself the truth. There are two main truths you need to admit to. First, the person in question does not share your feelings. Second, your situation is no different from that of others who have suffered the same fate.

Your feelings are one-sided. Even if you know this deep down, honestly admitting this to yourself can be one of the toughest parts of the whole process. You might want to think that something can happen between the two of you, but the fact of the matter is that your feelings are not mutual.

Others have gone through the same thing you are going through now. The good news is that this means you are not alone and that you can survive this just as well as all the others who have gone before you have. The bad news is that, odds are, your situation is no exception to the rule. You might think that you can make the other person fall for you, but in spite of what romance novels and movies suggest, this rarely happens in real life. Your situation is far more likely to follow the path of reality than of fiction.

3

Realize that it is not worth it. Being head-over-heels for someone can be a nice feeling, but after a certain point, that feeling brings you more pain than pleasure. Letting go of the feeling will make you a happier person in the long run.

Ask yourself if you are really, honestly happy with the way things are now. Chances are, if you are online and reading articles about how to get over someone you never dated, the answer is “no.” If you are not happy, then the best thing to do is move on so that you can be happy again.

4

Stop reading into things. The person you adore might say or do something genuinely misleading on occasion, but more often than not, the supposedly misleading things that person does are only misleading because you are desperate for hope. If an action does not express affection on the surface, do not tell yourself that it does so beneath the surface.

The vast majority of guys will be obvious about it if they like you back. While girls are a bit more notorious for giving off mixed signals, if you are obvious enough about your own feelings and she does not respond in kind, she is probably not interested in you in that way.

5

Review your memories. The two of you likely have some history of interaction, and you may have let yourself believe that the interaction between you indicated a possible spark. Think back and be honest with yourself about whether or not that spark ever existed.

Treat your memories with the same objective eye you have begun to use when viewing your present interactions.

Score0 / 0

Part 1 Quiz

Why is it important to admit the strength of your feelings for the other person?

That will make your feelings easier to ignore.

Not exactly! In all likelihood, admitting that you have strong feelings will make them harder to ignore, at least in the short term. And that's fine, because in order to get over your feelings, you can't just push them down. Pick another answer!

That will stop you from continuing to live in denial.

That's right! In order to get over your feelings, you first have to acknowledge them. Pretending that they're no big deal also prevents you from taking steps to deal with them, leaving you trapped in the same situation you're in now. Read on for another quiz question.

That will make you feel better about yourself.

Not necessarily! In fact, admitting that you're in love with someone who doesn't love you back will probably be a blow to your ego. Even though it feels bad, know that owning up to your feelings is important to overcoming them. Choose another answer!

Actually, it's better to try and dismiss your feelings as being no big deal.

Nope! If you try to pretend that you don't really like the other person that much, it ultimately makes your feelings harder to deal with. If you want to get over your crush, you need to be honest with yourself. Choose another answer!

Part 2

Putting an End to Things

1

Stop obsessing over the small stuff.[1] If the two of you have interacted in the past, you will probably have to do so in the present. You will need to stop letting your thoughts linger on these moments of interaction.

Anything from a brush against your hand, a smile in your direction, or a kind greeting can linger in your thoughts for hours if you let it.

The moment you catch yourself obsessing over something of this nature, you need to turn your attention to other things.

2

Put some distance between the two of you. As the saying goes, “out of sight and out of mind.” You do not need to permanently sever any and all ties with this person, but for the duration of your non-break-up, you need to put as much space between the two of you as possible.

This is harder if the person you have feelings for is a classmate, coworker, or someone you see on a regular basis. It can also be difficult if this person is a close friend.

If you cannot cut ties completely, at least distance yourself in whatever ways you can. If you purposefully walk down one hallway just so you can pass that person by, for instance, choose another hallway to walk down, instead.

3

Stop letting your world revolve around him or her.[2] Stop trying to align yourself to that person's interests and routine. Let your life return to the way it was before this person ever came along.

If you convinced yourself that you like something just because the object of your affection likes it, be honest with yourself and go back to not caring for it.

Stop rearranging your schedule or uprooting your routine on the off-chance that you can see that person or do something to please him or her.

4

View him or her objectively. Regrettably, most people tend to put those they have feelings for on a pedestal. Take the object of your affection off that pedestal and be honest with yourself about his or her faults.

This does not mean you have to hate the person in question, especially if this person is a genuinely decent human being. It does, however, mean that you should point out the person's faults and flaws to yourself and admit that he or she is not the very definition of perfection.

5

Tell yourself why a relationship would be a mistake. The person in question might honestly be a good man or a good woman, but that does not mean the two of you are right for each other. Convince yourself that such a relationship would, in fact, be a mistake.

Point out the reasons why the relationship would likely end in a break up. Incompatible goals or belief systems are often a good place to start.

This can be especially helpful if you are close friends with the other person since a break-up after a relationship could put an end to your friendship.

6

Talk it over with your friends.[3] Find a few friends who can sympathize with you and cry on their shoulders. Oftentimes, friends can help you break things off and move on.

Not everyone will understand your dilemma, but many will.

Friends who are also single are probably more likely to sympathize, but that does not necessarily mean that you should not talk to friends who are in relationships, as well.

7

Talk it over with the object of your affection, if appropriate. This can be a risky move and is not right for everyone. If, however, the apple of your eye already has an idea about how you feel or starts to get hurt because of the distance you've suddenly created, you might want to consider explaining your feelings to that person.

If you think your feelings could be used against you or if you do not want things to get “weird” between the two of you, talking to the person in question could be a bad move.

Score0 / 0

Part 2 Quiz

Viewing the person you have feelings for objectively means...

Being honest about their faults.

Yes! When you have a serious crush on someone, you tend to idealize them. In order to get over a crush, it can be helpful to make yourself notice their flaws so you can puncture your unrealistic image of them. Read on for another quiz question.

Assessing how much they led you on.

Nope! It's possible that the person did intentionally lead you on, but they may have been acting completely innocently. Viewing someone objectively isn't about assigning blame. Pick another answer!

Convincing yourself that you don't want to be around them.

Not exactly! It's definitely important to distance yourself from your crush as much as you can. But you probably won't be able to convince yourself that it's because you don't want to be around them. Pick another answer!

Part 3

Moving On

1

Cry it out. This may not be an actual break-up, but that doesn't mean it isn't just as painful as one. Let yourself cry, get angry, and generally be an emotional mess. Getting the feelings out will be better than keeping them bottled up.

As with an actual break-up, though, there needs to be a limit. Let yourself cry for a few days or a few weeks, but do not let yourself wallow in self-pity. It is perfectly healthy to be upset, but you also need to work on getting yourself past that grief at the same time.

Avoid becoming irrationally angry with the person in question. He or she may have played with your feelings on purpose, but it may have been unintentional. You could not control the act of falling for that person, but he or she could not help not falling for you in return.

2

Stay active and distracted. You need to keep your mind off the person in question, and the best way to do that is to fill your mind with other things to crowd that person out of it.

Exercise and physical activity can distract you in the moment while also making you too tired to think about your pain afterward.

Things that you enjoy also make excellent distractions, especially if they are things that you never shared or enjoyed with the person you need to get over.

Enlist the help of friends, as needed, or venture out into the world by yourself.

3

Boost your self-esteem. Do things that make you feel good about yourself. Ending a relationship that never actually started can be damaging to your self-esteem because it means that someone thinks you aren't worth it. If you do not take measures to boost your self-esteem, you might fall into the trap of thinking you aren't worth it, as well.

If you have body image issues, take the opportunity to start a healthy diet-and-exercise routine. As you slim down and tone up, your self-esteem will get a boost, too.

Seek out healthy forms of self-improvement. Take a class on a subject you are interested in but never formally studied. Introduce yourself to new forms of culture, like the theater or opera. Expand your horizons and make yourself a more well-rounded person.

4

Dress up and head out. Make yourself look your best and force yourself out into the crowded world of single people. See if you can turn a few heads.

To the same end, you can also start up an online dating profile. Even if you never plan to meet up with anyone and only decide to keep the profile for a week, having people message you can make you feel more attractive and better about yourself.

One thing to avoid doing, however, is leading someone on that you have no intention of falling for. The attention might be nice, but if you manipulate someone's feelings, you will be inflicting your pain onto someone innocent.

5

Find someone new. Let yourself crush on someone else. Your feelings do not need to be as serious or deep as they were for the person you are trying to get over, but letting yourself view someone else as an attractive or desirable person will help you keep your thoughts away from the person you just had to end things with.

Whether or not you date this person is up to you, but be careful about rebounds. You could end up hurting yourself or someone else if you use someone as nothing more than a temporary crutch.

6

Give it time. As with an actual break-up, getting over someone you never dated will not happen overnight. Be patient and trust the process.

The amount of time you need will vary on how deep your feelings were and how closely connected you are with the person in question. The whole process could take weeks, months, or even years.

7

Ask yourself if resuming contact is a good idea. If this person is a good friend of yours, you might not want to cut ties completely. Once you think your feelings are stable enough, you can consider resuming your friendship.

If you sense your old feelings returning, though, take a step back again. You went through a lot of pain and effort to get where you are now, and the last thing you should do is open old wounds that just finally healed.

Score0 / 0

Part 3 Quiz

Exercise is a particularly good way to distract yourself because...

It keeps you busy while you're doing it.

Almost! It's true that, if you're exercising hard enough, you won't have the mental space to think about your crush in the moment. But exercise has longer-lasting benefits as well. Pick another answer!

It tires you out too much to dwell on your pain afterwards.

Close! If you're exhausted from a serious workout, you probably won't have the energy to wallow in your pain. That's a great benefit of exercise when getting over a crush, but it's not the only one. Click on another answer to find the right one...

Getting in shape can help you feel better about yourself.

You're partially right! Self-improvement can be a great way to heal the mental pain of moving on from unrequited love. Exercise can improve your self-image, but it also has shorter-term advantages. Choose another answer!

All of the above.

Nice! Exercise has several benefits when it comes to moving past unrequited love. It keeps you distracted in the moment and tires you out afterward. And it can even boost your self-esteem by making you more fit. Read on for another quiz question.

Community Q&A

How do I stop thinking about the one I love when they don't treat me well?

Community Answer

Realize that someone who treats you badly is not worth your time. True friends and emotional partners (boyfriends, girlfriends, etc.) value you and will, in turn, treat you kindly and with respect. There is no easy way to let go of someone, however. Just let go bit by bit, and you'll notice you will think about them less and less.

What if I have liked the person for a very long time and fell hard, then they started liking me back, but now we're going to different schools?

Community Answer

You can still go out even if you're going to different schools. You can hang out on the weekends, talk, text, etc. Lots of people don't go to the same school as their boyfriend/girlfriend. If you don't think this will work out, just do your best to move on. It will be fairly easy if you're going to different schools, as you won't have to see them often.

How can I get over someone if I love him with all my heart, but he loves my best friend?

Community Answer

Accept that a relationship isn't going to happen. Try to think of him as just a friend or even a brother. Focus on his flaws instead of the things you like about him. Distract yourself by focusing on your studies or your hobbies and remember that there is someone out there for you, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

How do I get over someone I never dated if I'm sad they only want to be friends?

Community Answer

It's okay to take a little time away from that person. You don't have to be friends right away, especially if you think that would make getting over this harder for you. Just remember that there's nothing you can do to change their feelings and try to accept it.

Tips

Use this experience to help you in the future. You should not let the pain of this experience cause you to distrust love and stay away from people. You should, however, use this experience to help you spot the warning signs of falling into the same trap. As soon as you sense that your next crush will not respond to your affections, let it go and move on instead of going into denial about it.

To get over someone you never dated, start by admitting the full extent of your feelings and try not to brush your feelings off as “a little crush,” since admitting your crush can make it easier for you to move on. If painful feelings come up, allow yourself to cry or feel angry for a little bit to help you get over your grief in a healthy way. Additionally, talk about your feelings with supportive friends who will sympathize with you and encourage you to move on. To get this person out of your thoughts, stay active with activities like exercise or making art. For tips on moving on from someone, like how to boost your self-esteem, read on!

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Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 320,103 times.

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93% of readers found this article helpful.

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Co-authors: 8

Updated: March 29, 2019

Views: 320,103

AL

Alison L.

Mar 24, 2016

"I've been crushing on this guy for a long time, but it's already clear he doesn't like me back and wants nothing to do with me. It hurts really bad so I looked up ways to help the pain and found this article. I honestly followed the steps and I've been getting over him now. I feel so relieved because liking him was a painful time. I didn't want to go through it anymore. This article really worked!"..." more

A

Anonymous

May 29, 2017

"I had a crush on a co-worker, and he kinda liked me, too. I would get so nervous around him, and he eventually noticed I had feelings for him. He asked me out and I did not accept. I knew that we had many differences, and although we both like(d) each other, it would have never worked out. This article helped me realize that I need to weigh the pros and cons in the relationship. "..." more

MP

Michelle Pat

Apr 13, 2016

"Really helped me. I have learned a lot. Getting over someone you never dated is one of the worst things someone has to go through. As time goes on, you will have to let go and let it be. You need to know when the part of the story some people have played has died. You need to know when it's dead! Let it go!"..." more

HR

Hazel Rendee

May 18, 2016

"This helped a lot. Told all my friends that my crush liked this one girl and they told me I was wrong. Once we became better friends I confronted him about it and he told me it was true. It has been very difficult to get over him, especially with our blooming friendship. This helped me with my problems."..." more

A

Anonymous

Jun 22, 2017

"I have been crushing on this guy for years and every time I try to move away, he does or says something to give me hope but never really wants to commit. This article has helped me know I'm not alone and my gut is right. Am still working on letting go completely and being patient with myself."..." more

A

Anonymous

Jul 5, 2016

"Recently, my crush and I had been nothing more than friends. I only noticed that I liked him when I felt depressed that we couldn't have our normal talk on the way back from French class. When he asked out another girl and she said yes, I came here. Thanks!"..." more

SS

Sean S.

Aug 19, 2018

"She was a lot younger and liked a guy her age, who was everything I wasn't. I backed away from the situation very quickly. I spent a week unable to sleep because it was so painful. This article was very helpful, maybe the start of my recovery. Thank you."..." more

A

Anonymous

Jan 10, 2017

"I recognize now that this "little crush" I've been having for about a month or so is becoming toxic and is causing me more pain than pleasure. I will follow the steps listed above, and hopefully I'll get out of this one still intact. Pray for a sister."..." more

MP

Melanie Phu

Jan 25, 2017

"I really needed this. Liking someone so much who will never like you back is a terrible feeling. Especially when that person feels the way you feel him about someone else. Seeing him show her affection and love makes my heart stop. Stay strong, guys."..." more

AL

Alison Lecussan

Mar 20, 2016

"The part that stood out the most says you're not going to be happy because you think you're not worth it anymore, just because one guy didn't like you back. After reading that, I decided to be happy and not let a boy come between me and my happiness."..." more

JJ

Jenna J.

May 11, 2016

"It amazed me how realistically this article related to what happened in my life. It's been almost two months since I've seen or contacted the person. Being around people who I love and love me has helped."..." more

A

Anonymous

Mar 3, 2017

"I like this guy and he kept on flirting with other girls and I couldn't take it anymore. I know it will be difficult but I'm going to try. Pray for me, sisters!"..." more

SJ

Sally Jones

Apr 18, 2016

"I haven't actively tried any of the suggestions yet, but I have a feeling it'll work. I opened this page in a haze of despair and the article understood that!"..." more

LF

LaShawn Flewellen

Jun 15, 2016

"Great ideas and I'm most grateful because I personally do not know of anyone who is going through this. It's nice to know I am not out of my mind lol."..." more

AR

Anum Rehman

Jun 12, 2017

"Let yourself cry, get angry, and generally be an emotional mess. Getting the feelings out will be better than keeping them bottled up."..." more

JN

J. N.

Apr 30, 2017

"Giving specific things to do to move on. I can't share my feelings with anyone and this is super helpful for quiet healing."..." more

Rated this article:

MM

Millie Mollar

Mar 24, 2016

"Made me realize what I was doing right and wrong. I'm on the road to recovery and getting back to my old life! Thank you!"..." more

MG

M. Geej

Dec 27, 2017

"Each step was helpful from the pictures to the different sections. Many thanks to all those involved in making this."..." more

BA

Bradley Abjatar

Sep 17, 2017

"I feel so much better now about this situation. This article has made me see things differently."

TD

Tawiah Desmond

Mar 8, 2016

"I think this article will eventually help me get over her and still maintain our friendship."

A

Anonymous

Apr 4, 2016

"I am hoping that this helps me get over this guy. If it does, I owe it all to this article."

CU

Ciara Umali

Apr 11, 2016

"I'm going through this and I've been crying on and off for weeks! I will try these tips!"

A

Anonymous

Oct 17, 2017

"Gave really good tips that I plan on doing and I'm gonna come back and read it again."

Rated this article:

KV

Kat Vidan

May 18, 2016

"Just what I needed. Now I know that I'm not alone in this painful, awkward mess."

JR

Jen Raylor

Oct 20, 2016

"Everything in this article helped me. All the steps were on point and direct."