Paul and Alice part 3

The light hit Alice in her face she woke up relived it was morning. She got up and walked out her bedroom out to the hall and stood there trying to understand what happened last night was just a dream but, it felt so real, she continued walking and reached to the bathroom and stared at the door. She opened the door and walked inside looking in to the mirror horrified what she saw herself she was much more pale than usual and her green eyes showed fear and sadness Alice cleaned her face and went down stairs and saw Paul sleeping on the couch anger swept through her how could he leave her like that? she got closer she heard Paul snoring softly making her smile making the anger melt she could never be mad at him for to long. Alice made breakfast and called every one down but Paul was the only to come to the table he sat down and started to eat "how did you sleep?" said paul smiling at her "umm fine"replied Alice feeling panic inside her Paul noticed something was wrong and kissed her softly Alice broke the kiss and ate. After breakfast both Alice and Paul both did chores around the house Alice forgot about that voice vowing to take her "Alice honey? i am going out. Want anything?" said Paul grabbing his car keys walking out the door "BUT, PAUL WAIT!! ITS ALMOST SUNSET" screamed Alice but it was too late Paul was already gone Alice went back inside folding laundry when a loud bang echoed through the house Alice walked outside" hello? Paul? is any one out there?" said Alice turning toward the house when a branch snapped and in front of her was a man with short black hair and cold grey eyes that could see through her "Alice, my love i have waited for centuries to see find you. Now that i found you Im giving you the gift of immortality"he said grabbing Alice sinking his fangs in to her neck drinking her blood he felt her life slipping and let go licking the blood from his lips and ran. Alice was laying in the ground when Paul arrived he got out picking Alice up and laying her in the backseat and took her to the town's hospital that looked like a clinic he went inside a nurse was reading a tabloid magazine she looked up "DOCTOR!!! WE GOT A BITE VICTIM!!!" she screamed the doctor walked in with a gurney Paul laid her down they cleaned the wound butting a gauze on it "nurse we need to tie her down the transformation is almost complete" said the doctor the nurse came back with rope they tied her down Paul sat in front of her for hours, Alice stirred and opened her eyes they were no longer green but blood red she snarled at Paul tugging at her hands but couldn't free herself she snapped the rope and ran out the hospital in the darkness she ran as fast as she could and stood in front of her house the man who bit her stood behind her " Alice darling lets go" he said silently Alice was walking to him but she remembered Paul " NO!!! IM NOT GOING WITH YOU!! YOU TOOK MY LIFE AND IM NOT LEAVING WITH YOU I LOVE PAUL NOT YOU" Alice ran toward him pushing him as hard as she could and ran. She stood in front of Mrs. Bailey's old house a dog came up to her licking her hand Alice's fangs came out sinking her fangs into its neck drinking its blood she heard some one coming it was Paul who was looking for her held a knife in his hands he ran Alice ran behind him in to the church Paul stood there with hatred in his eyes" monster" he said angrily Alice shook her head "remember, when you said you wanted to be with me forever? this is your chance be like me Paul " she said softly "never i do not want to be a monster like you" he snarled and stabbed her in her heart he watched her die he took out the knife and walked out the church he lit it on fire watching it burn he cried and realized what he had done he killed the love of his life he stared at the knife and plunged it in to his own heart as he died laying on the ground he saw Alice standing in front of him with a white dress her green eyes were filled with happiness she had her arm out " i love you, Alice forgive me" he whispered " i know darling"she replied he got up and they left toward a bright light, his life less body was laying on the ground.

the end

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I liked the idea of the story but it didn't go into very good detail and I just didn't feel like I was there with the charectors, everything just went to fast. Also try and have some of your friends read it before you post it so you can get some help catching grammer and punctuation mistakes. But nice job keep up the good work.

it had a great plot. but make sure you get all of your punctuation's correct. Especially when you quote something. It's very confusing when a person is using dialogue or narrative writing. Overall, it was a good story... :)