I can’t go to any of my family and I need help

I don’t know how to get out of my marriage. I am the type of person who cannot let go easily unless forced to no matter how bad the guy is. My husband and I have been married for 5 years. He was a drug addict before we married and we agreed he wouldn’t do anything including pot because of that. We had three miscarriages on oct 2016, jan 2017, and apr 2017. Then we got pregnant with my youngest that is still alive in jul 2017 and had him March 2018. I found out last week that he had been smoking pot since last year in Mayish. I told him I was leaving him and he threw his pipe and pot out the window and told me he wanted to quit and that he wanted to be with me. I told him I could try and forgive him. Now I just found out today that he had made a tinder account and an adult sex meet up site in June. He only had it for a day. But he also came clean that he has been talking to a woman. He hasn’t told me when it started but I’m pretty sure it was last year around the time he started pot after the third loss. However, he continued to talk to her until a month ago. They talked sexually and casually. Now I’m at a loss of what to do. I feel that I need to leave him.

That's a lot to process and my personal opinion is to really plan things out and weigh your pros and cons. If you do stay, will you ever feel complete trust again? If you leave, are you able to support yourself and have a positive support system? I wouldn't be able to stay due to the pure hurt of it. I would quietly plan my exit. I don't do well with conflict and drama so I would just be gone one day when he got home so I wouldn't be sucked back into something that wasnt healthy for me or baby. Good luck and I am sorry you have to deal with it all. Hang in there.

Do u have family or friends you and your kids can stay with for a while?

I don’t know what state you live in but maybe you can file for immediate custody and even some sort of order of protection? Then maybe u would be able to stay in the house, put it up for sale and go from there.

I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how stressful this may be for you. But I think like PP (previous poster) said quietly get your ducks in a row and be gone.

I was in a relationship a long long time ago with a person similar to what you have described and that’s what I did....got my shit together and was gone by the time he came home from work one day. No risk of argument or something worse. Best decision I ever made.

The hardest part will be getting out but once your out you will be able to live so much better!

Look for a new living situation for you and your baby. Make sure you have enough money to live on your own regarding the place you move into, furniture, bills, food, etc. you can apply for food assistance once you move out if you need to.Then you can request child support. Then serve papers. Do NOT serve papers while you are still living there, it can go really bad really fast.

Could you find a job? Would family be willing to babysit while you work?

As PP (previous poster) stated Go! If he is trying to work on himself then counseling individual and marriage would be beneficial imho. There is also other boards on here that may be able to give you better advice, search up marriage and relationships. Best of luck OP💜

Ok I may be the odd person out because I went through something similar with my husband. Our first year of marriage was rocky. We were super young. We lost a baby early on. I found out that my husband had been flirting/talking to women through websites. I confronted him about it, he came clean and we decided to work on things.

So I got pregnant again after we had been marriage for about it a year and a half and had my first daughter who is about to turn 5. When she was a few months old. I found out that he had been smoking weed and not telling me because I knew I would be mad. He was also looking at porn (which for me is a form of unfaithfulness). I laid everything out basically telling him that I don’t want to live my life with someone that I feel like I can’t trust and that I will always be trying to check up on. Again we decided to work things out. It took time and it was hard. He finally started talking to me about things and opening up. Once I saw that he was truly committed to changing I had to make a decision to forgive him and not to bring up the past. (Again only once I saw that he was working hard to truly change his ways) we prayed a lot.

It’s been over four years since then and he has completely earned my trust back. I beilieve that he was struggle with something spiritually and choose things that made him feel good in the moment. We now have another baby (march Lo). I know every case made be different but I am so glad that we chose to work things out. But if he had not been the one to stop what he was doing things would not have worked. We have now been married for 7 1/2 years and our relationship is amazing.

edited to add that my husband has never in anyway been abusive. If he was then that would be a totally different case. I would never keep myself or my kids in an abusive situation.

I should also mention that I’m a stay at home mom and we just bought a hous...

Posted
08/31/2018

I should also mention that I’m a stay at home mom and we just bought a house.

Sorry you’re going through this. First things first is you need to get a job and your own bank account, talk to family or friends about possible childcare, check daycares or work opposite shifts. You wont be able to apply for any assistance until you’re divorced I believe because they’ll take his income into account for that. Set up some consultations with lawyers, the consult is usually free. Copies of important documents, birth certificates, financial statements. Are you listed on the house or any cars?

I wouldn’t rush into this before you speak with a lawyer and get a job.

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