If the truth be known, I love a good self help book or an inspiring video clip on YouTube.

But as I’ve become older and ever so slightly wiser, I’ve realised there’s no need for a from Broke to Billionaire mentality, where you ditch the old you for a shiny bright perfect you. Because you are most definately successful in what you’re doing right now. You’re a complete fabulous version of your present self and this needs to be embraced and accepted.

Sure there maybe a few slight tweaks here and there that could be explored, but my goodness you need to celebrate the uniqueness that is only you, the wonderful oneness of you, the amazing gift only you bring to the world. Without you, loads of things wouldn’t have been possible.

Once we own and celebrate our uniqueness, we can then grow and learn more about ourselves. It’s a fantastic solid foundation for self love and discovery.

I hear from so many wonderful people how they’re not good enough, don’t exercise enough, have too many dark thoughts and feelings. Even how they’ve compromised their family for their career, when in fact they’ve inspired them.

It’s time to STOP. When those negative thoughts come into your mind, just see it for what it is, it’s just a thought, it’s not real. It’s there for a reason, acknowledge it, then let it pass, like clouds in the sky.

What you practice you become

If you practice worry or self doubt, you will become the master of it, you will be the expert in your low self esteem, I’m not good enough, I should be better. But if you practice joy every day, even if it’s for 5 minutes thinking about what brings joy to your life, what is joyous and doing something that brings laughter to your world, you will exercise the right side of your mind that goes to happiness, even when a stressful situation presents.

Life is like a fairground ride, full of ups and downs, twists and turns, highs and lows. We can’t control what is outside of us, but we can learn surf the wave or ride the tides. But we can also choose whether we join other people’s funfair, or realise “it’s not my monkey, not my circus”. Be happy, be true to yourself.

I’m totally amazed at human resilience and determination. No matter what life throws at people, they have the ability to take a deep breath and carry on.

Stress hits us at times we think we really can’t take anymore. Loved ones getting ill and possibly facing their last breath, business’s where heart and soul has been invested into them folding and leaving you homeless, and day to day grind of putting one foot in front of the other, even though your bed was warm, you got up and ready for work. You smiled at your kids as they tipped the cereal box too far so it goes all over the floor, spilling milk onto their last school uniform, just as the dog throws up all over the rug (because the easy cleaned tiled floor right next to them isn’t where they aim for).

When life gets too hard
When life seems too hard, overloading and down right unfair. Just be safe knowing you’ve got this, you have dealt with so much in your life, that this situation, no matter what it is, no matter how difficult and stressful, is only temporary, you will get through it. But you don’t have to do it alone. Reach out, ask for support, be vulnerable and communicate with a friend, relative or professional that you have an understanding relationship with. Clients, friends and fri-ents know that my door is always open. Just reach out and connect.

When you need help

But what about when the therapist needs some support too, where does she turn?. I recently was so low I really had the urge to run away. I did reach out and messaged a friend and opened up, to be greeted with no response all day, which confused and upset me. I could see she’d read the message (blessing and curse of iPhones) but no response.

Now if I was feeling self destructive I could internalise this and decide no one is interested in what’s going on, but it’s all about timing and choosing wisely. Don’t give up after the first encounter, be acknowledged, be heard, make sure you get what you need. Sometimes a busy friend isn’t the best person to reach out to. Booking an actual session with a qualified professional, be that a counsellor or an amazing massage therapist who you can relax with. Remember, the first pancake you make is usually wet and soggy, you don’t give up on the first one and think they’re all going to be like that, you keep going. If the first one doesn’t hit the spot, open up to another, then another. Pause and gather your thoughts. Breathe and know you’ve got this, you’re in safe hands (your own) and you can and will find the lesson in this encounter and move on to feeling happy again, when you’re ready.

Just remember you don’t have to “fix this” right now. Let it settle, let it be, put it out to the universe to give an answer, ask questions, be curious how and why it’s happened now.

If you’ve been diagnosed with a disease, it’s a dis-ease with yourself. Think about how you can get back in balance with your emotions, your life, your relationships with self and others and how you can nourish and replenish yourself. Get to the route cause of the issue and there you will find your answers, the pieces of the puzzle that maybe were out of place. Your body is a slave to your mind and it has an amazing ability to heal, allow it to happen. Treating symptoms with drugs, puts a sticking plaster over the wound, then a side effect from suppressing the body’s healing system will occur, so more drugs will be needed to feel “normal” again. Please know there is no such thing as normal, it is just a setting on the dishwasher.

Managing the overload
I have clients that all of a sudden start experiencing feelings of being overwhelmed. They can no longer function well at work and are unable to think straight. A client called John came into my clinic the other day. He’s been having dizzy spells, brain fog and anxiety. On further investigation into his belief system and where he learned it, he discovered he was doing a job he felt he needed to do to support his family, his relationship with his wife lacked emotional and physical affection and his kids were now independent and left home. He hadn’t addressed how he felt about how he always felt responsible to his mother, with his father been mostly absent and then dying at an early age. How he has always had so much pressure to perform.

After bringing him to the now, breathing and releasing the negative charge from his emotions, he set some intentions for what he wanted, he enjoyed how excited he felt channeling his energy into this. How his relationship with himself is the most important. How to feel and ask for what he needs. How living a life caring for others is important, but not if it strips you of your identity. Respect and appreciation is not only feels good, but is necessary. A person that is appreciated will do 110% and still want to do more, but someone who has expectations to perform without even being thanked, will feel taken advantage of and their self worth will depleted.

Your happiness is your destiny
I urge you to find your own rhythm and path in life. Life isn’t always easy, but it sure can be fun. Love the ones you’re with, send positive thoughts to those you’re not with and always communicate your thoughts and feelings. Build and nurture your soul. You’re SO worth it.

The person that gets the formula for work/life balance right all the time, could bottle it and make millions. But what is right for one person, is the complete opposite of what another person needs.

But why do it? Is it that important to be balanced and look after yourself.. ABSOLUTELY YES.

Recently I’ve been having problems with my lower back. It’s been causing lots of pain, affected how I’ve felt and my relationships. Getting up on a morning has taken more time than usual. How has this happened? Because I’ve been busy looking after everyone else, but letting the things that feed my soul slip.

People view pain in many different ways. It is a useful tool that your mind uses to keep you safe, an energy blockage in your joints and a reminder you have to look after yourself.

Pain manifests in our mind first, then presents itself in our bodies. Dealing with how we view pain is the first step to releasing it. If we concentrate on the pain, see it as a problem, feed it with more references why we should be in pain eg. my back aches because I always have a bad back, my Dad had bad back, there’s athritus in our family so I’ll get it when I’m in my forties too, my back aches when I’m stressed. It’s an endless list why we should have pain. But what if we saw this pain as an opportunity to change and grow? If we acknowledged we feel pain in this moment, but what can I do to find a solution. Do I need to look at my diet to reduce inflammation in my body, do I need to stretch and exercise more, do I need to think positive thoughts about myself and other people? These questions alone can put you on the path to feeling better.

Live boldly

To make a change, I had a big think about what my purpose was, why am I here?. I’m a seeker of knowledge, I watch many Ted talks and inspirational speakers who’ve turned their lives around from being at their lowest to now feeling fulfilled and happy. And I realised my purpose is to help as many people as possible to deal with their stress and find a happier self. Starting with me.

In my stress management and massage work, I strive to empower others. One step is to create understanding on how to evaluate whether the problem is theirs or someone else’s, because there’s many people out there that would like you to believe you are the route of all their problems, so you need to change. But when we step back and take time to look objectively, it could be the issue lies with them and you simply enable it. Then I help work out what steps to success they need to climb to reach their goals. I use the word climb on purpose too, not because it’ll be a struggle, but because when we climb to another level, we can look down and see how far we have come too, not just how far we still need to go.

Problems are present in every situation and each step of our lives. It’s how we perceive them that makes a difference to how we feel. If we embrace the challenge and see problems as opportunities for knowledge, growth and understanding, we make a switch in our minds and we become a happier and healthier self.

I can’t control time, but I can manage my time better. So I’m back on track, every morning before breakfast I start withUddyana Bandha breathing which releases the abdominal lock which channels energy in the central energy meridian
A few simple yoga stretches,
I give gratitude to 5 things in my life and
I consciously let go of negative thoughts I have about myself and others. A thought only becomes true if it’s backed up with a deep belief.
I also walk every day and have regular massages.

Making changes in my regular routine has released my back pain, given me mental clarity and brought greater happiness in my life. I invite you to have a self care policy that gives you what you need to feel good and in balance. If you need a little help in finding it, give me a call and we’ll work through it together.

With these simple steps you can have healthy & happy kids

By changing a few of the basics, that may have got lost along the way, you could change a child’s whole world. You can’t rewrite the past, but you can start a whole new way today.

1. Always smile when they enter a room or walk towards you. Make them feel they’re the best thing you’ve seen all day.

2. Think positive thoughts about them, even when you’re not with them. We’re so physically and emotionally linked to our children, they will feel the positive energy coming their way.

3. We ask our children to be kind to their siblings and friends. So we need to say kind words to them. Always ask yourself, is it kind and true. If it’s not, don’t think it, so you won’t say it.

4. Teach children consequence instead of punishment. If they break something out of anger, this could be the time they need your understanding the most. From their action, there is a consequence, they need to clean up the mess, fix what’s broken, which will in turn fix what’s inside them too. Talk to them.

5. If your child is in a bad mood, it’s not an opportunity for you to lecture. Give them time and a quiet calm down space to reflect on how they feel, but say you’re there to talk when they’re ready.

6. A child behaves as a direct reflection on how they’re feeling. Learn to recognise the subtle signs before a meltdown. It’s best to distract and redirect an angry outburst when it’s rating 1 or 2 on the scale, with a cuddle, calming tones or gentle suggestions, than to control a 9 to 10 massive situation.

7. Spend at least 10 minutes a day complimenting your children. This will create a sense of self worth, and watch how they’ll spread that positivity to others, because it will be normal to think positive instead of negative.

8. Lead by example, drink lots of water, eat good whole food, exercise together, laugh and have fun. Deal with what’s stressing you, show them it’s ok to ask for help.

9. Show your children, your nieces and nephews, your neighbours children, you don’t have to be the expert at everything, but you have a responsibly to be the best version of yourself possible.

The how to guide for enjoying the Festive Season.

We all know Christmas can be the most stressful times of the year. It doesn’t take much to push us over the edge. From a bauble out of place, to a turkey dinner brunt to a crisp, because you’ve locked yourself out of the house!!.

Adding visiting relatives to the mix, that are staying with you for what seems like weeks, but in fact is a matter of days, can almost bring divorce and carnage to your otherwise ‘reasonably’ calm household.

Feelings of being overwhelmed and overloaded are all too common. But don’t jump off the ledge, don’t even dangle your feet. There’s always a solution.

Here’s a very quick 4 step routine you can do, everyday to maximise your good mood. It’s best to start it, as early as when you open the first door on the advent calendar, so you can train your mind into being positive. But any day you start is better than not starting at all.

1. Start the day with good intention

Upon waking, no matter how much sleep you’ve had, ask yourself some positive questions…

“Why is today the day good things are going to happen?”
“Why are all these amazing events happening in my life that I am truly thankful for?”
“Why am I feeling so fit and healthy today?”
“How can it get any better than this?”

Our minds love things to work out. Asking a positive question instructs our mind to respond with “Oh you want good things to happen today and be fit and healthy, I can do that” By ending with “How can it get any better than this” instructs our mind to find ways of making our life even better than it is already. This may not work on the first day, but stick with it, set your intent and your will be rewarded.

2. Good morning routine

Take a moment to recognise what is important to you, to start the day right. If a morning shower is needed for you to feel human, make sure you make time for it. Set the alarm ten minutes earlier, do that first before you get bogged down with other tasks that other people need you to do.

Carve out a bit of time to do some yoga stretches or deep breathing. A five minute morning mediation, can put your mind and body on a positive path and help elevate stress throughout the day.

3. Take regular mind breaks

If you have a “monkey mind” worrying about work, relatives, end of school year kids performances to find costumes for, Christmas shopping to buy, no money in the bank account, credit card up to the max, seeming like no way out. You need to remember you can’t be as effective running on emotional empty.

Set at least a few minutes aside every couple hours to say

“STOP, I choose to stop this negative spiral”

Think of your main worry, rate the worry out of 10 (10 being the worst it can be). This is your SUDS rating (Subjective Unit of Distress rating). Really own the problem, know how you know it’s troubling you, really feel it, hear it, see it. Then using two fingers, tap the acupressure points shown on the diagram or imagine the pressure of your fingers (this is a handy tip if you’re in a crowded room).

Gently tap at the inner edge of your eyebrow, say release and let go
At the side of the eye, release and let go
Under the eye, release and let go
On the collar bone, release and let go
Then take a deep breath in and out, hold onto your wrist and say “peace”
In your mind go to a restful memory you have on the beach, or something that made you happy today or some other time.

Go back and check the worry you had, rate it out of 10 again. If it’s gone down, good, keep doing this routine until it’s down to 1 or 0.

If it’s gone up, that’s fine, it shows you’re identifying with it. Repeat the routine again. Make sure you stay on the same worry, as your mind will try to bring in other references to a similar problem. Clear one at a time. Once you’re feeling calmer about this issue, move onto another one, repeat the process.

Always finish on a good memory. Training your mind to recognise stress and how you feel, releasing it from your body and then setting your mind onto a positive thought pattern, enables the neurons to reconnect. This is Neuro plasticity, brain training. Like anything, the more you practice, the easier it becomes.

Feeling good is a skill you can master, even in highly stressful situations. Instead of feeling down and heavy at certain times of year, because lots of bad experiences have happened you can train your mind to feel positive.

This technique is about fully acknowledging them, owning how you feel, then letting it go and feeling relaxed and accepting. Thus leading to feeling good and happy.

4. Happy ever after

At the end of the day, go through any events that you got angry about, or regretted, or didn’t turn out the way you would have wished and for each one in turn say to yourself…

“I am thankful for the knowledge and wisdom I now have. I forgive myself, I forgive others, I’m sorry, I love you”

If you find yourself resisting forgiveness of something you or someone did, recognise what that means to you, where you feel it, what you see and hear. Then repeat the process.
Adding tapping to this routine (see point 3) will speed up the process to feeling calm.

You could also, watch in your mind the negative experience being pushed away across a calm ocean, taking deep breathes and then bring it back again. Imagine yourself floating on the ocean, gently rocking and soothing yourself. Check how you feel and push it away again. Each time the memory should feel better, until you can accept it and feel good in yourself.

There’s also the book technique. Dr Caroline Leaf, a cognitive neuroscientist, says our mind is a reference library, any memories we have are stored in files. We can choose to put any unresolved issues into a book, close it and place it on a high shelf and leave it there until we have time and energy to look at it.

We then take down a beautiful book, with fantastic pictures and memories in it and leave this open at the side of us while we sleep.

The last thing we say to ourselves before we drift off, is “tomorrow is going to be a good day where I will feel happy, content and at peace with myself”

I’d love to hear of any techniques you use to calm your “monkey mind”.