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Topic : 11/27 Extreme Moms

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Created on : Friday, September 26, 2008, 01:14:58 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard3

(Original Air Date: 09/29/08) Parents: Is it better for your children if you're a helicopter mom who hovers over them, or a hands-off mom who allows them to learn independence? This hot-button topic has sparked debates across the country. Lenore is a mom who says kids need more freedom so they can learn to survive in the world. To prove that children are more adept than most parents think, she left her 9-year-old son, Izzy, in a New York City department store with $20, a subway card and a map. Was he able to find his way home safely? Some moms, like Maria, say Lenore's actions were extreme. Maria, a mother of three, says she's constantly hovering over her children, especially her 17-year-old daughter, Madeline. Is Maria doing more harm than good? You won't believe what Madeline has to say! Next, hear from Sarah who admits her 12-year-old and 8-year-old sons are almost never more than a few steps away from her, and comedienne Daphne Brogdon who says helicopter moms need to "let go and lighten up." Then, Dr. Jim Sears, co-host of the new show, The Doctors, weighs in with the biggest health risks of being a hovering mom. And, follow up with Ashlee and her mom, Teresa, who first appeared (link to: /shows/show/595/ on the show to discuss Teresa's overprotectiveness. Five years later, Teresa says Ashlee is a rebellious and rotten teen. Ashlee, now 17, wants to go to college and live in a dorm room, but her mom won't let her. Does Teresa have valid concerns for keeping Ashlee on a short leash? If you're a parent, or about to become one, you don't want to miss this show! Talk about the show here.

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We Need to Start Thinking About The Chidlren-All of Them

No, not just our own children, but children as a whole. Often, times I find that extremely overprotective parents not only damage their own children, but are so other zealous about there own children getting everything, they hurt other children in the process and don't even care.

Granted I haven't seen the show yet but from the preview I saw I was already rolling my eyes at the blond mom in the debate. She was running around wasting gas in her SUV spying on her daughter who will probably be in college in a year acting wild and experimenting with everything because she was never given the ability to learn from her own mistakes or to make her own chooses.

Now let's just take this type of overprotective mom. She goes and buys an SUV because she thinks it will keep her little spoiled ones safe(even though study after study has shown that SUVs are actually more dangerous). Then the next mom goes and buys an even bigger SUV. Then the mom after that goes and buys an even bigger SUV. Even though they won't outright admit it what they are saying by doing this is I can't control my kids and drive properly because I haven't bothered to properly discipline them and give them everything they want, so while I am driving with my head turned backwards trying to keep order, I would just assume kill someone elses children. Then they all go and scratch there heads when they take there kids to the doctor and they all have breathing and lung related problems due to all the air pollution. They then turn around the criticize the doctor saying that doctors in there days were beter at keeping them healthy (they were also up against a lot less).

Now, I'm not saying give you kid 20 dollars and strand them in the middle of New York City, but there are things that all kids need to know that many don't get taught. All kids should know how to use public transporation, manage finances/budget on a basic level, and understand how to share with others. Treating children like they are in a bubble, produces spoiled children who can't take care of themselves.

If everyone cared about everyone elses children as much as they cared about there own all the children would benefit and the world would be a much better place.

I am a hands-off mom.

I am a hands-off mom. I believe if you don't teach your children while they are young, you are going to keep them forever. My sons are 11 and 8 y.o. They get up everyday for school by their own personal alarm clocks. They make their own breakfast and off to school. I never have to get out of bed. My boys know the routine well. After school they use their own house keys to get in...even if I'm home. The boys come home 15 mins apart. They know to get their snack and sit and do homework. They do all their assignments first that they can handle and then ask for help on whats left. I make dinner 3-4 times a week (depending on work schedules). Once a week the boys will make a meal. It might be simple one, but they cooked it. They have mastered....eggs, grilled cheeses and soup, raviolis or speghetti, chicken nuggets/strips and fries, etc. The point is they are learning responsiblity and they will never go hungry. After dinner they know to take their showers at their times and they know where the dirties go. They know their room is to be cleaned before they leave for school or no TV for the entire day. So they make sure it is done for bed. They set their alarms and they go to bed when its time. We are always around and can assist when help is needed. They are always given a hug and a kiss before bed and told I LOVE YOU.

My children do not get paid for doing CHORES around the house. That is their right to live here. CHORES consist of cleaning their rooms, making sure their bikes and toys are put away outside, and up keep of their play area in the basement. Once in a while they vaccum or dust and even take the trash out or unload the dishwasher.

They do get paid for going above and beyond though. They are taught if you do a good job and work really hard you will get a paycheck. When my boys work in the garden or pull weeds in the flower beds, wash our trucks for us, etc. They will get a couple of bucks for this. the yougest boy will even go to the neighbors and ask to pull her weds for $5.00. The lady paid him $7.00 because he did a great job and she even helped him.

I don't feel giving them room to grow is wrong. There are too many in society that choose not to work and bum their entire lives and I refuse to allow my children that path.

My boys are also educated in other survival skills. they know first aide and CPR. They know what to do when someone is bleeding or if someone was to fall and how to protect their neck and back. They know how to call 911 and all their data they will need to tell him. They can name 5 close friends of the family and their phone numbers in case they ever needed something. My children have been taught about disease and how they could get it and how to stay safe when helping someone else. I am a NREMT-B and I have prepared my children for life.

a little independence goes a long way

I am all for allowing my children to be independent. My teenagers, age 16 and 18, have always been where they said the were going, They have never given me any reason NOT to trust them. I know their friends, and their frends parents. They both drive cars. I let them go and/or do whatever they ask me to do. They have never asked for an unreasonable request. I have given each of them a little more independence year by year. After all, soon they will be at college all by themselves.

How else are they gonna learn?

As a single mom, I felt that I've raised a great daughter. She's 27 now and I have never been one to hover over her. My mom always told me that you can't learn from your own mistakes if someone is always there to "bail you out". Of course there are times when you should be there in extreme difficulties, but I feel that life is your best teacher.

09/29 Extreme Moms

You have to teach your children at a very young age right from wrong and when to say OK or run. You have to give them a reason to give you trust. If this is done and you continue it through out their growing up years then you shouldn't have to hover.

Too much hovering may cause a child to become distant and keep things from you which in return will cause a hovering mother or parent to wonder if their child can be trusted.

Show them love, honer and trust. Make sure your time with your child is quality and give some of yourself to them instead over them.

middle ground

My mother was the "hovering" type. Now in my 50's I understand her concerns, however, her hovering led to my early marriage without being prepared to understand men. Subsequently I divorced with child in tow. Throughout the years I learned, but not until it was too late for my own child. Because of my mother's "hovering" I was too lenient. I love my son, he's a good man and finally in his 30's he is growing up, however, he deserved to be more mature earlier in life. I did not teach him responsibility by giving him chores or ensuring he monitored his spending wisely. My recommendation, try to balance the hovering and letting go. Independence at 9 years old is a little much, however, it's a good age to spend the night supervised of course, with friends to learn social skills. The same advice goes to the "hovering" mom's. 12-13 are good years to go to school functions in groups. 15-16 dating in couples with parents driving and picking the teens up. 17& up , if you've raised them right you'll know what they should be allowed to do. Don't lose you're children in their adult life by either being too strict or too lenient. Either way, they will have no time for you when you are ready to enjoy you're grandchildren. For the last few years I have been rebuilding a relationship with my son that should have always existed. Good luck and hopefully all mom's will succeed with learning and improving their skills.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH...MOM HAS GONE TOO FAR

I CAN'T BELIEVE A PARENT WOULD LEAVE THEIR 9 YEAR OLD
SON IN A N.Y. CITY DEPARTMENT STORE WITH $20, A SUBWAY CARD AND A MAP.
BEING WITHOUT PARENTAL SUPERVISION IS A FORM OF "ABUSE".
IN THIS DAY AND AGE, THERE ARE CHILDREN BEING ABDUCTED
THAT ARE STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO THEIR PARENTS. WHY DOES SHE THINK SHE HAS THE RIGHT TO DO SOMETHING LIKE
THAT TO TEACH HIM "INDEPENDENCE" WITHOUT THINKING THAT SHE MAY BE CAUSING HIM HARM? THERE ARE SO MANY SEXUAL PREDATORS LOOKING FOR AN OPPORUINITY TO
TAKE ADVANTAGE OF OF A CHILD ALONE LIKE HER SON IN NEW YORK CITY!!!!
THERE ARE BETTER WAYS OF TEACHING YOUR
CHILD "INDEPENDENCE".
THIS WAS NOT THE RIGHT WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHE NEEDS TO GO TO SCHOOL TO LEARN HOW TO BE A
PARENT..........NEEDS TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN "RIGHT" AND "WRONG".
WHEN YOU ARE A PARENT, YOU MUST BE "RESPONSIBLE" NOT "IRRESPONSIBLE"!!!!!!!.

some independence is important

I am the product of helicopter parents and now have 2 small children of my own. My parents were so worried I wouldn't be able to handle the world, I wasn't allowed to walk to a friends house that lived 5 minutes away, walking distance, I wasn't allowed to date at all in high school, when I got a car I was only allowed to go to school, and work. They were so afraid someone was going to kidnap me, hurt me, etc. Finally when I got to college, I met my now husband, and since my parents were so restrictive, I had to hide him for at least a half a year. It's hard not to feel a little resentful, but I try to leave the hurt feelings in the past. Now I have two children, 2 1/2 and 1, and I don't want to raise them the way I was. There obviously needs to be some rules, but I want them to grow up feeling like they don't need to be afraid of everything, it's ok to take a risk, and to be able to fend for themselves.

I'M BACK....SOMEONE YOU TALKED TO ON ANOTHER MESSAGEBOARD

No, not just our own children, but children as a whole. Often, times I find that extremely overprotective parents not only damage their own children, but are so other zealous about there own children getting everything, they hurt other children in the process and don't even care.

Granted I haven't seen the show yet but from the preview I saw I was already rolling my eyes at the blond mom in the debate. She was running around wasting gas in her SUV spying on her daughter who will probably be in college in a year acting wild and experimenting with everything because she was never given the ability to learn from her own mistakes or to make her own chooses.

Now let's just take this type of overprotective mom. She goes and buys an SUV because she thinks it will keep her little spoiled ones safe(even though study after study has shown that SUVs are actually more dangerous). Then the next mom goes and buys an even bigger SUV. Then the mom after that goes and buys an even bigger SUV. Even though they won't outright admit it what they are saying by doing this is I can't control my kids and drive properly because I haven't bothered to properly discipline them and give them everything they want, so while I am driving with my head turned backwards trying to keep order, I would just assume kill someone elses children. Then they all go and scratch there heads when they take there kids to the doctor and they all have breathing and lung related problems due to all the air pollution. They then turn around the criticize the doctor saying that doctors in there days were beter at keeping them healthy (they were also up against a lot less).

Now, I'm not saying give you kid 20 dollars and strand them in the middle of New York City, but there are things that all kids need to know that many don't get taught. All kids should know how to use public transporation, manage finances/budget on a basic level, and understand how to share with others. Treating children like they are in a bubble, produces spoiled children who can't take care of themselves.

If everyone cared about everyone elses children as much as they cared about there own all the children would benefit and the world would be a much better place.

AS I WAS GOING THROUGH THE SHOWS, I CLICKED ON THIS ONE THAT INTERESTED ME THE MOST. I CAME ACROSS YOUR MESSAGE AND AND COULDN'T BELIEVE IT WAS YOU TALKING ABOUT SUV'S AGAIN. WHAT'S WITH YOU
NOT LIKING PEOPLE WHO OWN THEM.
I DID ANSWER YOU BACK WHEN YOU
MADE THE COMMENT THAT I WAS MOCKING PEOPLE WHO READ
MY LIST OF" WHY PEOPLE ARE STRUGGLING" IN THIS FINANCIAL CRISIS.
YOU NEVER GOT
BACK TO ME. TAKE
THE TIME TO GO TO THE OTHER MESSAGEBOARD TO READ MY COMMENTS.
I WOULD LIKE TO
HEAR YOUR FEEDBACK!!!!!

Extreme Moms

I was always with my kids, I took them everywhere, they loved it when I joined them to go to the movies or wherever. We were always a family, and I as a mother, constantly gave my kids hugs, kisses, and told them how much I was proud of them, how much they meant and how much I loved them. To this day, they are mature grown adults with very good careers and life. I have no regrets being there and always asking questions about their friends, their school, their teachers, I wanted to know as much as I could, and at the same time, they liked it because they think I am a cool mom, and I am always there for them and I listen to them.

I disagree with the mom who let her young son go on the subway by himself. She should thank God that nothing happen to him, and she should never do this again.

As for the other mom always peeping in and watching them, GO FOR IT, as long as it does not interupt their lives, and they do not mind.