Desire: How sleep deprivation, hormones, and stress can affect your desire. How to cultivate desire, how to negotiate your needs w/ partnersThis is a topic that is near and dear to me. As a student in psychobiology, I feel that there is so much knowledge about the female body that is never even discussed, and then we are left to figure out changes in our bodies through the negative stereotypes that our society breeds. Every month a cycling woman that is not on hormonal birth control goes through so many hormone changes and levels, but then a pregnancy occurs and those levels go up to points that should be life threatening. Not to mention the plethora of other hormones that kick into gear throughout pregnancy. Then post pregnancy, most of the hormone levels begin to drop. If breastfeeding, oxytocin stays very high. Oxytocin is the bonding hormone, it makes you feel love and devotion but not lust and desire. So you have high levels of a hormone that makes you feel bonded, you are sleep deprived from feedings every 2 hours and then you have the stress of triple the laundry, cleaning house cooking meals, driving other kids to their activities and the memory of a relationship that once was loaded with hot and heavy sex.What now? Cultivating desire is possibly the most difficult part because you are fighting internal and external forces. There is a book called the orgasmic diet http://store.babeland.com/books-sex-information/the-orgasmic-diet that has lots of great eating tips and information, however, there are limitations if your body is still sustaining another life. Remember those times when your partner would sneak up behind you and nibble your ear, or rub up on you just right?hold that feeling. Remind yourself of those little moments that would just titillate you enough to make you want it, then just keep remembering those moments. Do your kegel exercises while remembering these times. You can get exercise and a small dose of desire while going about the rest of your day. That may not always be enough. Tell your partner that they are responsible for courting you all over again. You are not the same woman you were and you need different things to get you going. This will add a level of excitement for both of you. Doing something new can stimulate your hormones that make you want sex too.Now that you are trying to get the desire back on a personal level, you need to talk to your partner. This can be an ordeal all in its own. There is an opportunity that they are going through all of the external stresses that you are and are on edge themselves. So sitting down and having time without distractions (this might require a late night) and discussing where you are at and what you feel you need is a good first step. Be sure to use positive language and not place blame on one of you. Plan a block of time that is just for the two of you. Get a babysitter that will take the kids to the park or museum. Get the kids out so that you don?t have to feel put out and can enjoy each other in your own home. Then you can find little ways to stimulate each other and get each other really excited for your private time together. Get the sex night planner http://store.babeland.com/sexy-games/sex-night-planner and hide it in their bag as they leave the house, or send them dirty little text messages. Find a way to get yourself excited about the possibility of that time. I know that finding time is hard, but we make time for everything else in our days, and there is a good opportunity that an hour of great sex will leave you feeling better than an hour of going to the gym or the book club meeting.