Blood: The Last Vampire (2009)

Beastie with the Least-y

By Jeffrey M. Anderson

Based on an anime from 2000, this live-action, English-language film is like a combination of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and Men in Black with some martial arts thrown in. But the result is so laughably awful that it easily qualifies for so-bad-it's-good status. Saya (Gianna Jun) is our vampire hunter. She looks like a teenage girl -- complete with severe black bangs that hang just over her eyes -- but she's really a centuries-old demon with a human soul. She works with a secret government organization that provides her with blood to drink in exchange for her services. Her latest assignment requires her to go undercover as a high school student on a Tokyo military base. Why? So she can wear a schoolgirl uniform of course! For some reason, the local general's pretty daughter Alice (Allison Miller) becomes the target of all the vampire attacks, so Saya rescues her and they team up. Saya's ultimate goal is to destroy "Onigen," the evil leader of all vampires. As you may expect, the English-language dialogue is ultra-serious and absurd, the action is inept and shaky, and the visual effects look like they might have been generated on an old Atari video game.