Watch Snob on Kobold Watches

Why This Watch Is For Tools

You may think you know watches, but let's be real — you just don’t. Let me, a true horological aficionado, enlighten your plebeian minds as to what makes a real watch, what you should wear when and what to do with those old watches of yours. All the opinions expressed by the Watch Snob are my own and are just that — opinions. Don’t worry, though. AskMen will still be bringing you great features on interesting watches to buy, both old and new, expensive and cheap. But for those who would like a truly discerning opinion on timepieces, let the Watch Snob decree.

Hi Snob,

You might have mentioned this before, but what are your thoughts on getting a watch inscribed? My little brother and I are planning on going 50/50 on a Rolex Datejust II for my father's 70th birthday. I want it inscribed; he doesn't. He says that it devalues the piece, blah, blah, blah. I say it's cliché/coldish and impersonal. Please help settle this family feud before I buy him a bottle Gold Bowmore 64 and change my phone number.

Your choice of a Datejust is rather unimaginative, and I was about to add your question to the rather tall pile of castoff banal questions, but reading to the end rewarded me with your mention of the Gold Bowmore. It showed a glimmer of hope. You see, single-malt Scotch is my one true weakness (fine timepieces are a gift, not a weakness, if you must know), and the Gold Bowmore 64 is definitely worth passing over a Rolex for. Sheamus and I had an opportunity to taste this elixir at the home of one of our former professors who now resides in Surrey. The citrus notes and hint of smoke would be certainly appreciated, sip by sip, by your aged father in his waning years, perhaps more than a watch that reminds him of every other codger in the home.

But I digress. You asked about engraving. As cliché as Rolexes are, engraving one is even more so. The company’s sterile casebacks beg to be inscribed with sentimental drivel that, while perhaps adored initially, will be despised by a future owner unless your father is an astronaut or head of state. If you must engrave, please keep it to a brief Latin phrase or a date and dispense with the “We love you, Dad” treacle. Better yet, forget the Rolex and get your father a monogrammed cut-glass tumbler and a bottle of the old stuff. At his age, I’m guessing he’d rather forget time’s passage than be reminded of it anyway.

Dear Snob,

What do you have to say about Kobold watches? I have a Polar Surveyor in my collection and love its look and craftsmanship, but Kobold has a suspect pedigree, especially since it dramatically raised prices across the board. I admire Kobold's innovation and efforts to establish itself (even while using decorated ETA movements), but am I buying into the no-hype hype? What do you think: worthy or not?

Do you remember my essay about how mid-tier watch brands are duping people into thinking they’re getting something real when they’re really peddling smoke and mirrors? Well, I hope there is a special corner of horological hell reserved for Kobold because they’re doing the same thing but selling it for a lot more. The whole oversized “tool”-watch craze has never made sense to me, but Kobold watches take it to an entirely new level. Its website is littered with melodramatic rubbish about “special forces” and “tactical operations,” yet the only people I see wearing the watches are television actors. I am waiting to hear how a stock ETA movement buried deep inside a 15mm steel case is worth $5,000. Every new Kobold watch gives legions of sofa-dwelling oafs an erection, as they escape the honey-do lists and live out their fantasies driving their minivans to shoot paintball guns at each other. I’m starting to think “tool watch” is in reference to the owner and not the watch.

Mr. Snob,

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