Thursday, August 23, 2007

Update on Me

Well, it's approximately 3 AM, and for some unknown reason, I'm awake. Normally I wake up in the middle of the night when something is bothering me/stressing me out, but I can't think of anything.

Lately I've just been enjoying having more free time than normal. I don't know what it is, but ever since the wedding (and probably before then too) I haven't been too excited about the prospect of starting school again next month. Thinking about my thesis used to excite me, but now the thought of doing anything academic fills me with dread. I considered dropping out of my program for about a minute, but it makes absolutely no sense to do that as I am already more than halfway through.

I have been reading a lot, but I have been really unfocused in my reading. I am not usually a person that's reading a ton of books at once, but right now I'm reading about 7 different books. I joined a website called PaperBackSwap, which will help me read some new books while getting rid of those that I don't want anymore (theoretically, anyway).

I have also been taking a lot of pictures. I have always been a picture person, but I have been moreso lately. I would love to invest in a good camera and several good lenses, as well as a photography class, but part of me doesn't know if I am serious enough about it to throw down a ton of money for it.

We got a bike for me a couple of weekends ago, but with it being so hot, I haven't ridden it much. Instead, we've been catching up on our DVD watching. One of the things Roy and I have always loved doing is watching TV shows on DVD. (I hate commercials, so I don't watch even my favorite shows when they're aired.)

We are still financially behind. Paying for a wedding and honeymoon will do that to you. We definitely have enough money to eat and pay our bills and have dinner out every once in awhile, but there is some music on iTunes that I have been dying to download but haven't. I also need to invest in quite a few items of clothing, as a lot of my clothes are wearing out, don't fit my everyday (work) needs, or don't fit. It's nice not spending money though. I like seeing how much we can save just by cutting back on frivolous purchases.

My newest obsession is reading blogs. I have become acquainted with all kinds of blogs. The ones, not that there are a ton, that I am most invested in are the melanoma blogs. I do not revel in the suffering of these people, not one bit. However, I gain so much strength from reading about their journeys through extreme and life-threatening illnesses. In these blogs I see the stripped-down versions of people, and it makes me realize how powerful love, family, friends, courage, and faith are. It is so hard to explain, but I feel that these people offer me something I don't have, and it's more than a new perspective. These people, with their desire to fight, have renewed my faith in the human race. That said, it is so hard to continue reading these. Most of them I came upon by accident, but once I started reading them, I instantly began to care about what happened to the person behind the screen. It's my duty to check in on them. I feel as if I know them and need to know how they're doing. With that comes heartbreak, but it's a small price to pay for being a part of their legacy.

We were considering moving about 3 streets over when our lease is up but have decided to stay put, unless our landlord raises our rent quite a bit. I think we are going to work on creating more room for ourselves here, with the intent of paying down debt and saving money to move out of state once we're done with school.

More and more I contemplate living what I call an authentic life. I have no clue how to define that, other than the fact that I want to live my life according to my rules and with depth. I think, for the most part, that I have a good life that I'm happy with, but I also have the tendency to think that the grass is always greener somewhere else. I have to constantly remind myself that here is where I'm supposed to be. I think much of my dissatisfaction comes from my job. I am highly underutilized, but lately I have been keeping myself busy and challenged by trying to learn new things. Part of me wants to be promoted so I can learn more and be more challenged, and another part of me wants to stay low, where I am, so I can fly under the radar and focus on school.

I've been feeling content lately. Maybe I'm getting more used to being a wife, although when I truly think about it, not much has changed from before. Having some distance from the wedding helps, if that makes any sense. It's been almost 6 weeks since we were married! Time just flies. We should be getting our marriage license/certificate soon. That was made way too complicated, but at least it's over now.