Contents Volatile -- Keep From Children

July 9, 1986|By Bob Morris of the Sentinel Staff

Matters of degree: I just love waking up in the morning and hearing news reports about how the country is suffering through a heat wave. As a Floridian, it gives me this wonderful sense of camaraderie knowing that my countrymen are enjoying heat like we enjoy heat. Sweat, suckers. It's good for you.

The heat wave was the lead story on Tuesday's Today show, with Bryant Gumbel going on about how it was 102 in Baltimore and 103 in Philadelphia and how it's soooooo hot. How hot is it? It's so hot:

-- Manhattan would flood if the Statue of Liberty could wipe the sweat off her brow.

Razz-jazz: What's jazz? Is it cool or is it hot? I'm certainly no authority. But let's hope it's cool, very cool, because the Orlando Jazzfest is scheduled for Sept. 19 and 20 when it's still plenty hot out. Looks to be quite refreshing, though, what with all those big-name acts playing around Lake Eola (for free, no less) and lots of good stuff to eat and drink. Hey, Orlando, seems like this is something we ought to get behind. I mean, Jacksonville sponsors a world-famous jazz festival that draws hundreds of thousands and lasts a week. Jacksonville. Really. Who's jazzier? Us or them? Column World has now given you 10 weeks' notice of this event, so there's absolutely no excuse for missing it. Unless, of course, you have tickets for the Alabama-Florida football game in G'ville that same weekend. If you do and if you want to sell them so you can go to Jazzfest (listen, Jazzfest is going to be great, trust me), then get in touch with me immediately. And who says I can't use this column for ulterior motives? . . . Orlando Mayor Bill Frederick attended the Jazzfest press conference and afterward denied reports that he will audition for one of 14 slots on the program being reserved for local talent. Hizonner, it's said, plays a mean saxophone. Yes, despite what certain Orange County commissioners may think, the man can harmonize.

Sports shorts: Here's another exciting upcoming event that shows Orlando truly has made it big in the world of sports. Forget the NBA and the Disney baseball team and the chance for an NFL franchise. O-Town is going to be the site of the Corporate Sports Battle Oct. 22-26. It will be broadcast on ESPN from the Justus Aquatic Center and Sea World and will feature teams representing big corporations from 18 cities. They'll compete in events such as a 50-yard dash with swimming flippers and a ''tie-one-on'' relay that relies on speed in Windsor knot-tying. Yes, big time. But no, there won't be ''hostile takeover'' competition. Too bloody. And here's a tale of good will, just one of many that unfolded at the Pan-Am Junior Athletic Championships in Orlando last weekend. It seems the team from Cuba got delayed on a flight from Mexico and delayed again going through customs and didn't make it here for a 6 p.m. dinner. It was 1 a.m. before they rolled in. But not to worry. Jose Crespi of Jose's Sandwich Shop saw to it that 75 of his special Cuban sandwiches were sent to the lads from Castroland. The delivery person? Mercy McAll of that scheming, capitalist institution, Sun Bank.

Message to readers: Let's get this straight. It's not Column World that's sponsoring the contest to name Orlando's NBA wanna-be team. It's the sports department. So bug those guys, not me. One suggestion that I didn't pass along to sports, from an unidentified caller: The Orlando Transients -- ''They come down from up North to play in the winter and then leave when it gets hot and they'll probably be an embarrassment to us all.''