Need advice!

Okay so my husband and I got married August 19 2010. We have had our ups and downs. However my husband has a horrible temper. He is verbally abusive,controlling,and he has hit me on at least 5 occasions. The last time was two weeks ago. I was late from visiting my mom because my 1 month old needed to eat. So of course I fed him before I left. I ended getting home 20mins late. My husband started attacking me at the dinner table hitting me grabbing my hair and biting my arm in front of his family. I start crying and refuse to eat so he pushed the plate of food in my face and trying to force me to eat. He eventually stops and calms down. I was so scared. Now two weeks later I am still scared. He has said he is going to change and he will never do it again but I am not sure I believe him. He refused to get counseling. I have told a friend who is telling me to leave him and get a divorce. This friend loves me and has told me that no man should hit me. He has been in my life for six years and loves me and doesn't want to see me hurt. I still love my husband but I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should leave him and get a divorce or should I stay. I'm worried he may hit me again. I don't want my son to be raised without both parents. I feel like everyone wants me to try and work this out but how do I forgive him if I am afraid of him as much as i love him? I just don't know what to do...please help.

Okay so my husband and I got married August 19 2010. We have had our ups and downs. However my husband has a horrible temper. He is verbally abusive,controlling,and he has hit me on at least 5 occasions. The last time was two weeks ago. I was late from visiting my mom because my 1 month old needed to eat. So of course I fed him before I left. I ended getting home 20mins late. My husband started attacking me at the dinner table hitting me grabbing my hair and biting my arm in front of his family. I start crying and refuse to eat so he pushed the plate of food in my face and trying to force me to eat. He eventually stops and calms down. I was so scared. Now two weeks later I am still scared. He has said he is going to change and he will never do it again but I am not sure I believe him. He refused to get counseling. I have told a friend who is telling me to leave him and get a divorce. This friend loves me and has told me that no man should hit me. He has been in my life for six years and loves me and doesn't want to see me hurt. I still love my husband but I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should leave him and get a divorce or should I stay. I'm worried he may hit me again. I don't want my son to be raised without both parents. I feel like everyone wants me to try and work this out but how do I forgive him if I am afraid of him as much as i love him? I just don't know what to do...please help.

you want your son to grow up with both parents? but do you want your son to see his dad beat his mom? or worse grow up with just a dad because something worse happens? you need to get out. what if he hits your son one day? I know its hard because you love him, but he wont go to counceling and to me that seems like he doesn't really want to change. if he will do all of that while his family is there and watching how much worse will it get when you are alone? im sorry you are going through this and I pray you can do the right thing for you and you LO

you want your son to grow up with both parents? but do you want your son to see his dad beat his mom? or worse grow up with just a dad because something worse happens? you need to get out. what if he hits your son one day? I know its hard because you love him, but he wont go to counceling and to me that seems like he doesn't really want to change. if he will do all of that while his family is there and watching how much worse will it get when you are alone? im sorry you are going through this and I pray you can do the right thing for you and you LO

You need to get out. It's not gonna get any better only worse. For the sake of you and your son, I know when you love someone it's hard to let go but you have to love yourself first along with your son. Don't expose your son to this. It maybe hard but it can be done. Report him everytime he puts a hand on you. Fight back with the law and teach him a lesson.

You need to get out. It's not gonna get any better only worse. For the sake of you and your son, I know when you love someone it's hard to let go but you have to love yourself first along with your son. Don't expose your son to this. It maybe hard but it can be done. Report him everytime he puts a hand on you. Fight back with the law and teach him a lesson.

How can you feel that everyone wants you to work it out when at least one friend is saying leave him? That's not everyone. Does anyone else in your life know the extent of what he's doing? I say while he's at work, pack as much as you can for yourself and your baby and go to your parents. On your way there, stop and get a restraining order against him. Don't be afraid to go into the details as to why--they've heard variation upon variation of domestic violence. I haven't except on here, and nothing you said shocked me--sickened me, that anyone would treat another human being like that, frustrated me that you (and many like you) didn't leave immediately, but not shocked. Anyway, they will serve him with the retraining order. Make sure it's a no contact one as well, and don't be the one to break that no contact yourself. Hire a lawyer to help you through the divorce paperwork and be the go between. Some states expedite for domestic abuse cases. If you are bruised, allow the police to take pictures as well as evidence. Trust me, you may want your son to have two parents, but your husband is NOT the influence your son needs. Do you want that innocent baby to witness that growing up? Few kids who do grow up in abusive home grow up thinking it's wrong--they see it as normal and acceptable, which it is NOT. Many perpetuate the violence. Do you want your son treating a woman the way you are being treated? Do you want him making a woman feel the way you feel now? If you don't leave, how will he know it's not ok for a man to be violent towards a woman?

How can you feel that everyone wants you to work it out when at least one friend is saying leave him? That's not everyone. Does anyone else in your life know the extent of what he's doing? I say while he's at work, pack as much as you can for yourself and your baby and go to your parents. On your way there, stop and get a restraining order against him. Don't be afraid to go into the details as to why--they've heard variation upon variation of domestic violence. I haven't except on here, and nothing you said shocked me--sickened me, that anyone would treat another human being like that, frustrated me that you (and many like you) didn't leave immediately, but not shocked. Anyway, they will serve him with the retraining order. Make sure it's a no contact one as well, and don't be the one to break that no contact yourself. Hire a lawyer to help you through the divorce paperwork and be the go between. Some states expedite for domestic abuse cases. If you are bruised, allow the police to take pictures as well as evidence. Trust me, you may want your son to have two parents, but your husband is NOT the influence your son needs. Do you want that innocent baby to witness that growing up? Few kids who do grow up in abusive home grow up thinking it's wrong--they see it as normal and acceptable, which it is NOT. Many perpetuate the violence. Do you want your son treating a woman the way you are being treated? Do you want him making a woman feel the way you feel now? If you don't leave, how will he know it's not ok for a man to be violent towards a woman?

I strongly dislike dr phil but on of my favorite quotes comes from him. Something like "no kid wants to come from a broken home. But even more important no kid wants to live IN a broken home". Staying with him is extremely selfish. You are saying "my love for this douche bag is more important than my sons safety. Or at least more important than teaching my son to respect women". Should you leave? RUN! Don't walk! I would never stay with a man who hit me once let alone 5 times! Believe it or not but there are men out there who don't hit women. What will happen the next time you are 20 minutes late? Can you REALLY live your life in fear?

I strongly dislike dr phil but on of my favorite quotes comes from him. Something like "no kid wants to come from a broken home. But even more important no kid wants to live IN a broken home". Staying with him is extremely selfish. You are saying "my love for this douche bag is more important than my sons safety. Or at least more important than teaching my son to respect women". Should you leave? RUN! Don't walk! I would never stay with a man who hit me once let alone 5 times! Believe it or not but there are men out there who don't hit women. What will happen the next time you are 20 minutes late? Can you REALLY live your life in fear?

Leave. He needs professional help. Your children should not see him treating u like this, it will affect them now and in the future. U do not want them to think this is acceptable behavior because it isn't. Please leave u do not deserve to be treated like this or have to live in fear. U deserve so much more.

Leave. He needs professional help. Your children should not see him treating u like this, it will affect them now and in the future. U do not want them to think this is acceptable behavior because it isn't. Please leave u do not deserve to be treated like this or have to live in fear. U deserve so much more.

Normally I don't side with the masses and suggest leaving however in your situation you need to leave. Your friend is absolutely right and it would be in you and your son's best interest to get out of this relationship as soon as you can.

I can understand wanting your son to grow up with both parents, but do you think your son as he grows up wants to watch his mother be beaten at the dinner table? This man has already beaten you 5 times in only a year and refuses to get help for his obviously dangerous temper. What happens when your son ignites his temper?

Normally I don't side with the masses and suggest leaving however in your situation you need to leave. Your friend is absolutely right and it would be in you and your son's best interest to get out of this relationship as soon as you can.

I can understand wanting your son to grow up with both parents, but do you think your son as he grows up wants to watch his mother be beaten at the dinner table? This man has already beaten you 5 times in only a year and refuses to get help for his obviously dangerous temper. What happens when your son ignites his temper?

What?! Grow a pair and get out. Now. If you care about your son, and what kind of man you want him to grow up to be, you will leave. Go to the police, get a restraining order, lawyer up, and protect yourself. Will it be hard? Yes. Probably the most difficult thing you have ever done. But it will probably save your life. Abuse never gets better. It will get worse and worse. Get angry. How dare he hit, and he did this in front of his family?! Did they not try and help you? How horrible that they did not stand up for you. Go live with your mom until you can get back on your feet.

What?! Grow a pair and get out. Now. If you care about your son, and what kind of man you want him to grow up to be, you will leave. Go to the police, get a restraining order, lawyer up, and protect yourself. Will it be hard? Yes. Probably the most difficult thing you have ever done. But it will probably save your life. Abuse never gets better. It will get worse and worse. Get angry. How dare he hit, and he did this in front of his family?! Did they not try and help you? How horrible that they did not stand up for you. Go live with your mom until you can get back on your feet.

I have two kids. Neither bio dad is in the picture. My 2 year old is a rape baby and my sons father up and left a week before I found out i was pregnant. We were engaged. Like you i wantted at least one of my kids fathers in the picture, my sons father never hit me or anything, im pretty sure he cheated on me though. He is good with our son when he chooses to see him. But honestly hun it is not worth getting hit just so your son can have his dad around, kids pick up on these things. If he refuses to get counselling then he doesnt think he has a problem. There is NO EXCUSE for hitting your spouse, or significant other. I have been in abusive relationships a few times, its not easy to leave its really not but chances are he wont stop since he has done at least five times. you need to put you and your childs safety first. if you dont trust him then why stay?

I have two kids. Neither bio dad is in the picture. My 2 year old is a rape baby and my sons father up and left a week before I found out i was pregnant. We were engaged. Like you i wantted at least one of my kids fathers in the picture, my sons father never hit me or anything, im pretty sure he cheated on me though. He is good with our son when he chooses to see him. But honestly hun it is not worth getting hit just so your son can have his dad around, kids pick up on these things. If he refuses to get counselling then he doesnt think he has a problem. There is NO EXCUSE for hitting your spouse, or significant other. I have been in abusive relationships a few times, its not easy to leave its really not but chances are he wont stop since he has done at least five times. you need to put you and your childs safety first. if you dont trust him then why stay?

Abuse doesn't get better it escalates. It is a vicious cycle. I had an ex who was verbally abusive...it started out subtly, and got worse. He then started to slam me into walls, as to not leave marks... then he pulled out a gun. It is NOT worth your life, or child's life. Try checking out an abused women's group in the area. You'll learn more and be able to make the decision that is best for you.

Abuse doesn't get better it escalates. It is a vicious cycle. I had an ex who was verbally abusive...it started out subtly, and got worse. He then started to slam me into walls, as to not leave marks... then he pulled out a gun. It is NOT worth your life, or child's life. Try checking out an abused women's group in the area. You'll learn more and be able to make the decision that is best for you.

He did this in front of his family? And no one stepped in? If my husband ever did anything like that, whether in front of his family or not, my MIL would be the first to drag his sorry @ss to the nearest police station. That said, you need to leave. Now. There ate support groups for battered women that can help you with the emotional recovery. If you can go to your mom's, go there! Don't be embarrassed as nothing he did to you was your fault. I've never been in an abusive relationship, so I'm sure that saying you need to leave is easier said than done, but please, go!

He did this in front of his family? And no one stepped in? If my husband ever did anything like that, whether in front of his family or not, my MIL would be the first to drag his sorry @ss to the nearest police station. That said, you need to leave. Now. There ate support groups for battered women that can help you with the emotional recovery. If you can go to your mom's, go there! Don't be embarrassed as nothing he did to you was your fault. I've never been in an abusive relationship, so I'm sure that saying you need to leave is easier said than done, but please, go!

I know it's easier said than done, but leave him. If he did that to you in front of his family, imagine how bad he could be when you two are alone. The fact that his family did nothing to stop him shows that they have probably seen this kind of behavior from him, which means he is less than likely to change or not change at all.

I understand you want your child to have both parents, but do you really want your son seeing his daddy beat his mommy? Or worse his daddy beating him?

If not for your sake then for your son's, please leave.

I know it's easier said than done, but leave him. If he did that to you in front of his family, imagine how bad he could be when you two are alone. The fact that his family did nothing to stop him shows that they have probably seen this kind of behavior from him, which means he is less than likely to change or not change at all.

I understand you want your child to have both parents, but do you really want your son seeing his daddy beat his mommy? Or worse his daddy beating him?

If he had hit you only once I might believe the "changed man" bit. 5 times is 5 times too many. Next time he might break your arm or worse. What's going to happen when he gets mad at your child. Who cares if you love him. You should value the well being of your child. Leave him!

If he had hit you only once I might believe the "changed man" bit. 5 times is 5 times too many. Next time he might break your arm or worse. What's going to happen when he gets mad at your child. Who cares if you love him. You should value the well being of your child. Leave him!

Please leave him. Speaking from experience people like this do not change unless they get some serious counseling. Maybe suggest that and if he won't do counseling just get out. I hate to say it but physical violence can easily escalate and you have a child that u need to be around for

Please leave him. Speaking from experience people like this do not change unless they get some serious counseling. Maybe suggest that and if he won't do counseling just get out. I hate to say it but physical violence can easily escalate and you have a child that u need to be around for

Though a lot of people on this board are trigger happy with the "just leave him" advice, I very rarely give it (this may only be the second time). But here goes: If everything you put in your OP is true, you need to leave. Go to your family, contact a battered women's shelter, do something to get yourself and your child to safety. File for divorce, get custody, and use his history of domestic battery to limit him to supervised visitation (at least for a set period of time and until he has completed an anger management course). Do this for yourself and for your child. You are not breaking up your home - your piece of sh!t, abusive husband has already done that - you are preserving life for yourself and your kid.

Though a lot of people on this board are trigger happy with the "just leave him" advice, I very rarely give it (this may only be the second time). But here goes: If everything you put in your OP is true, you need to leave. Go to your family, contact a battered women's shelter, do something to get yourself and your child to safety. File for divorce, get custody, and use his history of domestic battery to limit him to supervised visitation (at least for a set period of time and until he has completed an anger management course). Do this for yourself and for your child. You are not breaking up your home - your piece of sh!t, abusive husband has already done that - you are preserving life for yourself and your kid.

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