A 38 year old single heterosexual female, sans husband, sets off on an adoption journey, hoping to become mother to an Ethiopian infant. All relevant topics may be discussed, such as international adoption, attachment parenting, transracial adoption, etc.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

I'm in a BADDDDDD Mood.

GRRRRR.

Stay outta my way!

I'm cranky, angry. If I could, I would take the world by the scruff of it's neck and SHAKE IT. GRRRR!!!! I would lift my lips and show my sparkling canines and tell the world to eff off.

Which is better than being sad and depressed, but not much.

I don't like Charlie's new teacher. There I said it. Chances she will read this are about one in..... how many blogs are there? A zillion?

She is not warm like Whitney was. She is snotty and has no sense of humor. Although, it appears that C has stopped biting, so I should be grateful for that. And I am. i just wish she was fun and friendly.

When Charlie came home from vacation with beads, she complained to the director that the beads were a choking hazard. Whitney denied this and told me not to take them out until I was ready to take them out. The beads were small, and had large holes in them. Whitney said the state classes she took expressly said they were not chocking hazards and were part of the African American culture.

Ok, whatev. I took them out when they were ready to come out. Only then did the director tell me what the new teacher said about them. I didn't argue I just ok, we won't put beads in her hair again. I asked if the little rubber bands were ok, and the director said yes, "if the kids eat them they'll pass right through."

So yesterday I spent an hour braiding her hair. When I picked her up, her new teacher commented that the elastic bands break. "I found pieces of them all over the floor." She didn't say I shouldn't use them, but she had an annoyed attitude. I counted how many were off: 4. Four rubber bands the size of a dime. "All over the floor"??? Riiiight.

I guess she expected me to undo all the braids that night. Right away. Well, I didn't. I had a hundred other things to do than RE-DO my daughter's hair that I had already spent a lot of time on and gotten express permission from the director to use those rubber bands.

Today when I picked her up, ALL the rubber bands were off. About 20 of them. The teacher wasn't there, she was in someone else's classroom. Am I wrong to be pissed she took them out??? Without asking me??? All that work gone! I bet if she ever had to do braids on a 18 month old she wouldn't have DARED take them out knowing the torturework invigorating challenge that is braids.

So, if I'm not allowed to put in beads, and I'm not allowed to put in rubber bands, how exactly does she expect me to do Charlie's hair? An afro every day???

Doing her hair is part of our bonding time, it's time when I get to take care of her. I enjoy experimenting and learning new ways of doing her hair. I do not want to do an afro everyday.

An afro is for when we don't have time, when we're "uninspired", when we're "lazy", or just to give her hair a break and be totally natural. I like to make her look special and like I cared about her hair.

12 comments:

I am thinking about adopting from Ethiopia and am a single thirty something white woman and find your blog helpful in my decision making. Though I have been reading your blog for about a month now, only this time am I moved to comment.

I run a preschool and daycare that is made up of predominately african american students, I am truly appalled at your child's school staff around the issues of beads and rubber bands. I have never heard of hair beads or rubber bands being a choking hazard. Beads do not usually come out on their own. Furthermore barrettes can also be put in kids' mouths. (we actually do have a problem with this) In my opinion, not knowing the situation or staff first hand, I think it sounds ill informed at best and at worst racist. I also think as a school leader, that if you are upset about the classroom you should speak to the teacher and or director. Your opinion and gut feelings should matter. I never mind parents coming to me with concerns about the treatment of their children nor when they challenge school policies they do not understand. If my policies are legit, then why would I. This is a crazy policy or complaint.

Sorry her teacher is such a pain. Just an FYI, they can't tell you not to do Charlie's hair anyway you want. Beads, rubber bands, whatever. Because, don't tell me that the plastic barrets that other girls wear don't EVER fall out of their hair or ponytail holders don't EVER come out. And, tell the teacher not to do/undo Charlie's hair without your permission. It's not okay. It's the same as you bringing her to school in a dress and the teacher saying "Nope. She needs to wear pants." and then changing her without asking you. I would be livid if someone undid Milo's hair after I worked for so long to style it. --abby

Oh. my. goodness. If someone DARED touch S's hair, I'd be saying something. I'd be SOOOOO mad. Not only is it overly invasive, but to me, at least, it seems very racially insensitive. I realize the hair is the least of your concerns right now, but I'd be so mad!

holy crap! i would never never undo an african (or african american) hair do. that woman has absolutely NO right to touch her hair, change it, take anything out of it, or put anything in it without your permission! not only that but they do not have any right to tell you what you can and can not put in your child's hair. i've worked in many daycares and all the AA kids had beads and they were no problem. it is cultural, they need to just deal with it! ugh. this makes me mad and i'm not even charlie's mom :) tell them to shove it. again. lol.

Okay, seriously, you need to find out if she took out the braids (sorry that I'm telling you what you need to do because I hate it when people tell me what to do, but let me finish...), because if she had the nerve to touch her hair that is completely inappropriate. Do you remember the case not long ago where the teacher cut off a little girls braid?? I know it is not as severe, but it is getting there. I would really go to the director and tell her you think it is inappropriate and maybe consider switching teachers if you can????Maybe I just need to calm down, but I would be soooo pissed :(

When my (bio) daughter Ayannah was little I was learning to do her hair as it grew and the lady at the daycare redid it and it without asking or giving me any help. I finally just told her she could "be in my daughters hair anymore" and it hurt her feelings, but I agree that is "out time" and bonding happens.I would MOST DEF complain about her and ask she be set straight.

Wow, this brought back memories of when Olivia was in daycare. Ok, so that was 5 - 8 years ago but still I remember it like it was yesterday. They too had a rule about what could go in the kid's hair and I distinctly remember having to find hair bands with big flowers or something on them so that they were too big to fit into the choking hazard tube they use to determine what is a choking hazard (it's basically about the width of a toilet paper tube). She wasn't allowed barrettes or anything small enough to fit into that tube. And once in a while the teachers played with her hair, braided it or put it up or something but I looked at it as a game they were playing, like "beauty parlor" or whatever and didn't mind it at all. In fact she had an African American teacher who could do all the great braids that I couldn't so I welcomed picking her up at the end of the day and seeing a cool new hairdo. I would check in your daycare's handbook and I would bet that there is something written about nothing smaller than the opening of that choking hazard tube. If it's in the handbook then I don't think you have an argument. However, they should follow the same rules for all the kids. Also, try to think about if you were in another parent's place. Ok, so now Charlie is in a classroom with older kids, but what if she were still in the infant room and one of her beads fell out and an infant swallowed it. It probably would pass through but you never know. Their pipes are much smaller than a toddler's. Frankly I would be a little nervous if I were the mother of the infant. I'm just playing devil's advocate here but until you find out why she took all of Charlie's rubberbands out I wouldn't get too huffy. Yes it's annoying that you spent so much time on it but her ultimate responsibility is the safety of the children so she might have just been following the rules. You in turn have to follow the rules of their establishment as well or find a place that has rules that you agree with. Read their handbook again and see what it says. Good luck and by the way, Charlie looks adorable in an afro or with her hair done up. Either way she is so cute it doesn't matter. :-)

Ditto all of the above comments. Maybe you can't change what's going on at work, but you do have a the ultimate say in who touches Charlie. Sounds like you should sit the director and the teacher down together and come up with a solution. Perhaps if this teacher is told by the director beads/rubber bands are acceptable, she'll back off. She has to really because the decision is not hers, its YOURS and YOURS ALONE. Please dont' let this slide. We teach people how to treat us and this will set the standard.I'm sorry you were having a bad day :( Wish we were closer so I could come sit on the deck with you and let you bitch. We could come up with all sorts of fun and hopefully annoying things to put in Charlie's hair.

Kik, I checked the handbook after you suggested it. It has stuff about keeping fingernails short, but nothing about hair or hair accesorizing.

I, too, would be thrilled if someone DID C's hair nicely. In this case though, I did her hair, and someone UNDID it. Without asking. I do think it's slightly racist, maybe not purposefully, but lordy if black kids have to go through this everywhere they go to school, it does seem exclusionary. Also, everyone KNEW she was a white teacher and I never mentioned her color. They just knew a black teacher wouldn't dare undo C's hair which takes a lot of work to do. I did ask the director about the little rubber bands and she said they were fine.

Michelle, I did not talk to the teacher this morning becasue there were other people in the room and I didn't quite know how to approach it... I had imagined she would be alone like usual. That threw me for a loop and I chickened out. Maybe tomorrow. I need to get my momma bear hackles up and protect my baby, or at least inquire politely about WHY she took them out. I was thinking today, maybe she took them out and the black teacher was going to put in the better kind that don't break but ran out of time? That would have been fine with me. It just didn't feel like that was the case though....

Thanks for all the input. I'm glad I wasn't off base to be irked by this.

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Facts from Ethiopia

CHILDREN'S STATUSNewborns dying before age 1 - 1 in 10Children dying before age 5, often from preventable diseases -1 in 6Main causes of early childhood deaths -Diarrhea and pneumoniaOrphans, 2003 estimate -4 millionChildren under age 5 stunted from lack of nutrition - Over 50%High school attendance, females - 8.5%Population with use of adequate sanitation facilities - 15% Rural population with use of adequate sanitation facilities - 4% Population with use of improved drinking water sources - 24% Population with access to public health facilities - 61.3% Population more than 10 km (6 miles) from nearest health facility - Over 50%Physicians per 100,000 people - 3Population moderately to severely underweight - 38% Population stunted due to lack of nutrition - 47%

HIV/AIDSAdults infected weekly - 5,000Age group with highest rate of infection 15-24 years; female prevalence 3 times greater than among malesWomen living with HIV, 15-49 -770,000Mother-to-child HIV transmission - 2nd highest number of new infections per yearChildren dying from AIDS - 1 in 16Children orphaned by AIDS from 2003 to 2007 - 720,000