Chapter 5 - Part 1 of 2

Chapter 5 - Emotions & Feelings

This section deals with Emotional
Health; Understanding your own emotional history and patterns; the healthy and
unhealthy forms of Anger; Catharsis; the healthy and unhealthy forms of Fear,
Grief, Admiration, Guilt; Envy; False Guilt (Shame); the three levels of Love,
and Joy.

After each part you can
link back to the Contents Page if you do not wish to scroll to the end to find
that link.

What is a person in ideal
emotional health like? Here are some ideas adapted from notes given out in a
seminar by Edith Stauffer. Study these carefully for clues to improving your own
emotional health.

Behaves in the long run in such a way as to
help herself and others. She does not for unconscious reasons spend her life
hurting herself and others.

Has a genuine subjective sense of freedom of
choice and thus needs to use a minimum of rationalisations for his actions.
Can use his will to set goals and attitudes consciously and with goodwill
towards self and others.

Is able to function in accordance with her
potentials, in other words, can achieve a high degree of self-realisation.

Can postpone need gratification, can sacrifice
for the moment in order to attain long-term goals and objectives.

Can give of himself fully in deep and lasting
and meaningful emotional relationships. He can be both spontaneous and
controlled, depending on how he feels and what the situation calls for.

Tends not to enter into neurotic interactions.
A neurotic interaction exists when partner A in a relationship unconsciously
provokes or encourages in partner B a behavior or an attitude of which partner
A consciously disapproves. It is a cry from A for love, an expression of unmet
need for which A is not taking adequate responsibility. Abilii (see later) is
essential if you are to prevent this happening in your life.

Is capable not only of intellectual reality
testing, but also of emotional reality testing. We can define emotional
reality testing as the ability to perceive the world in terms of emotional
reality, to sensitively know what oneself and others are feeling, and to
lovingly include that awareness in choosing one's responses and behavior.

Does not deny or hide her feelings from
herself. Has a high degree of inner security, and thus feels a minimal need
for using defense mechanisms such as repression, suppression, projection,
rationalization, intellectualization etc. Therefore is not controlled or
driven by emotional reactivity.

Is capable of learning by experience, and of
modifying his reactions when he sees they work against him. Flexible, not
rigid. Can see his own mistakes with compassion, humor, even joy, and profit
by them, thus gaining wisdom .

Has no anxieties. Fear is healthy and necessary
for survival, but anxiety is irrational fear, a fear with no adequate referent
in the world of reality, and is an important characteristic of some emotional
disturbances. Can give herself permission to take risks when necessary to
achieve important purposes.

Can forgive, and love, self and others
unconditionally.

Feels a deep identification and
inter-relatedness with world-kind.

Feels loyalty and sense of belonging to the
patterns of family, community, country, planet and cosmos.

Has faith in and love for something "higher"
than him/herself. Has reverence for Life.

Has knowledge of her own highest values and
purpose and can guide her choices and actions accordingly.

Can balance the "opposite" psychological
energies within his own psyche - e.g. self-criticism with self esteem and
approval, caution with venturesome-ness, sadness with joy and gratitude, fear
with courage, etc.

We do this by understanding their underlying or
original beneficial purpose, the way they can become distorted if their original
purpose is not fulfilled, their safe natural expression, their catharsis or
release if overly stored in the body, and their transformation into qualities of
the Higher Self. Sustained negative emotions cause disturbance in the flow of
life energy in quite specific meridians, which can be tested for using
kinesiology. It could be said that trying to solve the presenting problem is not
the problem at all - the task is to practice the quality that will neutralize
the prevailing negative emotion.

It is important as you read this
to be aware of:-

1. How much medication is prescribed world-wide
to "treat" or suppress the effects of the sustained distortions of the primary
emotions - for example, anti-adrenergic drugs, tranquillizers, anti-depressants,
and drugs for the psychosomatic diseases and muscle tension.

2. The amount of alcohol and tobacco consumed for
the "stress" of the sustained distortions of the primary emotions, because
people have not known how to do it differently .

3. Of the total cost of these in both money terms
and in human and animal life and suffering. If you can become aware of when you
have gone off course into a distortion of a primary emotion, then you can more
easily self-correct yourself. Vigilance and will are used to restore and
maintain a truer course through the processes of forgiveness (see later).

Each of the emotions is described under the
following headings - purpose, distortions (the way we usually see them
expressed), their safe and harmless release, their higher transformation, and
the opportunities to develop qualities from our Higher Selves being presented .

This exercise is adapted from Pierro Ferrucci's
book, "What We May Be". Its purpose is to take an inventory, to explore your
emotional reality in a compassionate, understanding and constructive way, so you
can see what changes you want to make in your emotional patterning.

What are your favourite strategies for handling
your own aggressive energy? For handling others' aggressive energy?

Write about your childhood experiences with it?
What did your parents do? Your siblings/ Teachers? Any significant
experiences? What decisions did you make? What beliefs did you acquire about
it all? Do you still believe them and act out of them? Do they still work well
for you? If not, what would work better? Find examples.

Under each
we will consider the purpose of the healthy forms of these, the distortions
which give so much trouble, the safe method of release, the mode of
transformation, and the spiritual opportunity offered by the experience of it.

An increase in energy to produce beneficial
change in the environment, whether it is the correction of injustice, survival,
or assertion of one's genuine needs.

DISTORTIONS- IF REPRESSED OR NOT
EXPRESSED SATISFACTORILY AND HARMLESSLY:-

To sulk, grudge, blame or scapegoat others,
become critical, silently withdraw, plot revenge. To attack, to take on the
"Perpetrator" role or stance in life. OR tears (pseudo-grief). OR Explosions and
fear of consequences then repression and sense of powerlessness, with hate,
(pendulum swings between "victim" and "perpetrator" roles). OR guilt. OR sweet
"yes-negativity" - the "Doormat" stance. OR despair, self-hate, illness. etc.
AND chain reactions of anger in others and ourselves. Tertiary angers (don't
look like anger, but pass it on): Being late, making mistakes, "forgetting",
never quite coming to agreements or keeping them, interrupting, justifications,
acting confused, giving the "silent treatment", having accidents, with denial of
anger.

RELEASE:-

Move it out of the body harmlessly as soon as
possible. Beat or strangle it out (hose and pillow, beat carpet, strangle a
towel etc.).

BASED UPON THE 10TH LAW
OF PSYCHOLOGICAL LIFE, and adapted from Pierro Ferrucci, the chapter called "The
Tigers of Wrath" in his book "What We May Be".

PURPOSE:-

To use the energy of
current or residual aggressive drives to fuel constructive projects in our lives
and bring benefits. Most of us know that to dig the garden or clean the house
furiously can release angry tensions at the same time as producing benefits.
This is an extension of the same principle.

METHOD:-

1. Pick a constructive
project to which you intend and will to give more "steam".

2. Set it aside for a
moment, and get in touch with your aggressive feelings. Feel their vibrancy,
their vigour, the effect they have upon your body, and , perhaps, the hurt they
have caused you and the burdens of using this energy in any detrimental way on
yourself or others. Give them 'space' - observe them without judging them or
labelling them in any way. For the time of this exercise you are not trying to
make them go away, you are accepting them in order to redirect them.

3. Realize that this is
now energy that you have at your disposal. It is energy that is precious, and
can do things. It is also basically neutral, like electricity or heat. It could
be used to hurt. It could also be the propelling power for the project or
activity you have chosen. Begin to add loving intention to this energy . Add
your love until you are ready for the next step, then:

4. Vividly imagine
yourself in the midst of your project, starting at the beginning and working
through in your imagination. Call to mind as many details as you can, seeing,
feeling, and hearing the sounds that go with all the moves involved, now kindled
and intensified by the vitality with which you have chosen to invest them. See
the benefits of the completed project , to yourself and others.

TEST YOUR RESULTS:-

Keep records in your
journal so you can explore this method objectively and document your results.
You can then decide if this has been helpful to you.

"It was rage that
motivated me." (Florence Nightingale)

"Good indignation brings
out all your power." (Emerson)

"Girl's anger led to best
seller." (Headline in newspaper describing how high-school student Susie Hinton
was angered by an attack on a fellow-student. She wrote a short story for her
class, which blossomed into a novel, "The Outsiders" in 1967, which then became
a film made by the same producer who made "The Godfather". The book sold over 4
million copies in the U.S.A. alone, was translated into 7 languages, and became
part of the school curriculum in many school systems.)

Aggressive energy has
fuelled many creative artists, including Beethoven and Michelangelo.

Mahatma Gandhi described
how he would "conserve" his anger at oppression and injustice, not waste it.

Note:
A similar exercise to this can be done with the recollection of joyous
experiences, or with the recollection of fine sexual energy, to enhance your
creativity, in a wonderful way.

1. To release or "move
out" the BURDEN of current or stored negativity harmlessly . You cannot pour out
love if your bucket is totally full of resentment! Can be especially valuable
for those who physicalise distress (e.g. cancer, hypertension, heart disease
(with care), ulcer, arthritis etc.), find anger management difficult, or deny
their own power.

2. To love, care for and
restore healthy function to the body by burning up adrenaline and other stress
hormones, and by releasing uptight autonomic nervous system sets. To love and
care for our relationships - with ourselves, others, and nature by releasing
hurt feelings, making space for serenity and peace. To love and care for our
minds by clearing them of hurtful thoughts, making space for silence and wisdom.
To free our bodies, feelings, and minds thus is an act of love.

3. To make it easier to
do the forgiveness process. (Law 10)

4. To help those who fear
their own anger to overcome this fear. People who have been seriously abused or
witnessed the effects of violence often make a decision to never have anything
to do with anger. They may then repress their feelings, and experience
themselves as disempowered. And being unable to experience their negative
feelings they may also not fully experience the positive ones as well. It's as
if by "turning down the volume" on their pain they also turn down their joy.
Full and safe expression of deeply held feelings as in this exercise can restore
the capacity to experience both anger - and joy.

5. To get information
from the unconscious, by bringing to light repressed memories that need the
Forgiveness Process. (Law 2)

6. To restore the flow of
love. One who cannot release anger safely, blocks love.

7. To assist us in our
task of creating Right Human Relationships and Wellness at all levels.

8. As a test to find out
if there is any anger stored in us, or to "get ahead", as it were of future
anger, by emptying our bucket right out.

9. If you can think of no
other reason, it is good exercise!

METHOD

Arrange a satisfactory
place and time, alone or with an unconditional friend. Tell any others near you
your intentions, so that neither they nor you are disturbed. You may be helping
them by modeling being in charge of releasing your own negativity and restoring
right functioning.

Use a short (c. 1/2m.)
length of hose and a pillow, or a tennis racquet and a mattress. Carpet beating
is an alternative, and socially acceptable - but the use of fixed carpets and
vacuum cleaners (in the West, not yet in the Soviet Union) has reduced the
opportunities for this good outlet. Imagine the object(s) of your aggressive
energy are there in front of you and physically release all your angry or other
negative feelings. Do it with love and joy that you are unblocking your love.
Loud, unpleasant music can help to reactivate the feelings, and allow you to
express any sounds or words that you want to. At first you may feel somewhat
ridiculous, but as you take charge and allow your feelings to surface, you may
be surprised by their intensity and power. They are, after all, the residue of
the "killer instinct" that enabled our ancestors to survive to breed us. In the
safe situation you have chosen, allow them room for full expression, even if a
part of you thinks it is unseemly. It does not have to be reasonable!

Use your voice. Release
words and sounds that are meaningful to you and which need to be released. It is
important to free the throat area as well as the rest of the body.

Be unreasonable! Yell out
the Anger, Scream out the Fear, Wail out the Grief. Sometimes these emotions
merge and overlap, fear or grief turning to rage, rage to grief etc.

You do not need to do
this "at" someone, sending hate to them. You can do it just joyfully to free
your body of the pent up tensions.

If you discover that you
are angry with yourself for something, be aware that it is only a part of your
total personality with which your are dissatisfied, that there is another wiser
part of you that has chosen to heal, and that once you have released the bad
feelings you will be able to heal it all with the
Self-forgiveness-of-the-personality process.

Do this vigorously for
15-20 Mins., until you feel something like the athlete's "second wind" (neurochemical
shift). This may be a sense of completion, accompanied by tears of relief,
authentic laughter (unlike the nervous laugh at the beginning), tears and
laughter together, or, simply relief.

Sometimes important new
understandings have come to people as they do this process.

Long-standing resentments
have been "emptied out bit-by-bit" by doing this daily, like spooning it out of
a bucket until no more remains. People are often less easily "triggered" for
long periods after this exercise.

It is important to do the
Forgiveness and Unconditional Love Process after this exercise, to prevent "reinfection".

TEST YOUR RESULTS:-

Document your results in
your journal. You can then decide if it has been helpful to you and record how
you overcame any difficulties with it. Were there layers - fear, sorrow, anger,
information? Did you get to completion, or do you need to do it more? Were there
resistances inside you, and how did you overcome them?

Sources: Elizabeth Kübler-Ross,
Japanese Industrial Relations practice, and Pierro Ferrucci in "What We May Be"
, chapter called The Tigers of Wrath.

The first of these is
drawn from the time before I knew how to use the forgiveness process to help
people, and a kind of spontaneous forgiveness took place.

1. Greta was the first
client I ever offered this exercise to, in the days before emotional release
therapies had become more readily accepted:

Greta had had a very
happy childhood and adolescence. But at university she became angry and
depressed for no apparent reason. She sought counseling, and when that failed
she was referred to a psychiatrist. Antidepressants and other therapies were of
no avail and she had to drop out of her university studies. She came to pick
tobacco, a menial and dirty job, but her angry outbursts meant that farmers
tended to dismiss her. She became unemployable.

As she told her story, a
cold shudder passed through me. I asked if she felt like committing suicide. She
confirmed that that was so, and added that if I sent her to a psychiatric
hospital she would certainly find a way to do it.

I felt helpless, thinking
that I knew no other treatments to offer her. But another patient a few weeks
before had lent me a book describing the catharsis exercise, so I mentioned this
to Greta. She was willing to do it, and tore into the pillow offered to her with
gusto, making a great deal of noise. I was frightened at what my nurse, or the
patients in the waiting room might think, but nothing happened and they did not
rush out to call the police to say I was assaulting my female patients!

After 15-20 minutes of
vigorously throwing her tantrum, and expressing exactly how she felt, Greta
looked up and said "I have not felt as good as this for two years! Thank you."
She decided to do this exercise every day before going to work, so that she
would not get angry and rude to her employer. She did it every day for three
months, sometimes twice a day if her anger built up too much in the day. After
three months, it seemed that she had emptied it all out, because there was less
and less need for her to do it, until no need at all.

She wanted to know - from
where had all this come? We explored this with hypnotic age regression. The only
scene she discovered which may have been relevant was of herself as a newly born
baby in a hospital ward in the next cot to a baby around whom there seemed to be
a great deal of anger. She saw herself somehow "draw off" some of this from the
other baby - she was a natural healer before she had words! We were unable to
verify this scene, but the explanation seemed to satisfy her, or "ring true" for
her.

The follow-up is very
significant. Her long-held unconscious anger dissipated, and the depression
lifted. She returned to university in a different city and subsequently became a
health professional in a large city with responsibility for a department,
helping children - still a healer...

2. Two teenage boys, Luke
and John, became disturbed a few years after losing their fathers. They had had
to grow up very quickly and "become the men in the family" before time. This had
inhibited their grief process and healing of their anger at their losses. They
began to underachieve at school and get into trouble with authority. Both of
them found the anger release of the catharsis exercise enabled them to restore
their previous level of functioning at school and home. One of them rewarded me
with the sentence: "There ought to be a telephone number where kids like me can
ring up and get advice as good as that".

3. A man attended a
forgiveness workshop, but could not be present at the time when the group did
the catharsis exercise together. Later, when he volunteered for a demonstration
of the forgiveness process, he became repeatedly stuck and unable to go on with
it. I could not understand why. Someone else in the group pointed out that he
had not done the catharsis exercise as they had, and that he was still very
"caught" in the emotional level. He went out with my assistant at lunch break
and did it fully. Then he found doing the forgiveness process effortless.

Survival, caution.
"Freezing" to avoid detection. Energy for escape (fleeing). Original fears in a
baby are said to be only of sudden noises and of falling from a height. Later
fears are picked up through experience or teachings of others.

DISTORTIONS:-

(Especially if ridiculed
and not allowed to express or share fear as a child) - phobias, panic attacks,
chronic anxiety, obsessive or compulsive thoughts and behaviors (to push away
fears). Perception of the world as dangerous, of others as untrustworthy, of
oneself as powerless. (= "Victim" or "Doormat" stance in life). Sabotaging
oneself to avoid situations perceived as risky or dangerous.

RELEASE:-

Acknowledge it. Scream it
out and/or release anger held at aggressors as above. Lying on one's back and
twisting a towel held by a trusted other (reminiscent of an umbilical cord)
while screaming can be very effective in starting this catharsis..

TRANSFORM:-

Forgive past aggressors.
Forgive oneself for continuing any patterns of feeling false guilt or
self-diminishment as a result of the incident(s). Healing of the "Inner Child".
Giving oneself a "happy childhood" now . Public speaking, martial arts etc.

OPPORTUNITY:-

Quality of the Higher
Self seeking expression - Confidence & Courage and the restoration of
Unconditional Love. (Courage= rage de la coeur, or rage of the Heart)
Restoration of the spontaneity and creativity of the Inner Child.

Remember that a
victimized child had no power compared to the adult aggressors/abusers. A whole
people oppressed by a totalitarian regime is in a similar situation. In trying
to hide the humiliation, beliefs like "I have no power", or, "I will never have
anything to do with anger" come into existence, and the will is used to repress
feelings. This may operate long after it was appropriate for self-preservation.

If not allowed to heal
normally, prolonged "numbness", anger or bad moods, depression, self-pity,
"inappropriately" crying for almost anything, (the "crushed tears of long ago"),
inability to feel or express feelings, and building a "hard outer shell". The
worst grief is for the "loss" of Unconditional Love not received as a child,
producing a state of chronic grief and a needy search for love in adulthood. A
"Poor Me" stance in life.

RELEASE:-

Wail or cry it out. I
believe that the Irish called this "keening" and had professional mourners to
help this release. Other similar cultures permit a fuller expression of grief
than ours. Share the burden of the loss with unconditionally loving and
accepting persons. This may at first seem exhausting physically, but you will be
relieved in the long run and lose less energy overall.

Science is now revealing
that different chemicals are released from the body when we cry for different
reasons - pain, grief, anger, relief, contrition, joy, onions(!), etc., and that
this process is a self-healing one. People feel better for having released their
feelings in a physical way. It is simply no longer true that "Wise Guys (or Big
Boys) don't cry". The tears are better shed, - even the "tears of long ago". We
no longer need stop people crying.

TRANSFORM:-

To forgive "life" (or
"God") or any perceived "causes" for the loss; to forgive oneself for any
"errors" of commission or omission with respect to the incident or loss;
symbolic rituals - e.g. to plant a tree, give a gift, to do whatever is
necessary to say "goodbye" (e.g. gestalt exercises or letters addressing the
lost one in imagination) and move on.

OPPORTUNITY:-

The qualities of the
Higher Self seeking expression - Acceptance, Understanding, Forgiveness,
Unconditional Love of the Source of Life. Self-healing

To bring about growth
through the desire to emulate desirable qualities. True admiration, if pure,
brings joy.

DISTORTIONS:-

Greed, and then
Competition, then Jealousy, then Envy. (=wants to do as well as, then better
than the admired one, to possess, then wants them to do worse than oneself at
any cost, even if destroys what is desired.) Criticism and sabotage (in thought,
speech or action) of the one envied, and self-criticism and self-hatred. ("Cassio
& Othello" stance in life.)

RELEASE:-

as for anger, grief, and
fear - envy is a very poisonous combination of anger at the admired one, fear of
one's own inadequacy, and grief at the loss of supremacy.

TRANSFORMATION:-

Forgiveness of self and
other(s). Remembrance that one does oneself have the capacity to emulate the
quality admired, as a latent potential in one's own Higher Unconscious. The
decision to develop that quality in one's life. Gratitude and restoration of
self-love.

OPPORTUNITY:-

Qualities of the Higher
Self seeking expression - Acceptance of oneself as one is at present without
condemnation, even though one can see where improvements can be made.
Unconditional Love. And the development of precisely the qualities perceived and
admired in the other from within one's own self.

A negative or
inharmonious feeling produced by unsound judgment about one's Self , transferred
from an awareness of an unsound action or thought, which is to help one to
recognize when one has been "off target" or in error, and to get back on target
again. More than that is an illusion created by faulty perception of the Self.

DISTORTIONS:-

1. Excessive remorse, or
regret beyond what gets us back on target. "Feeling bad about feeling bad".
There is a belief that one has failed to meet a demand placed upon one by the
Source of life, oneself, or others in a situation. There is an assumption that
because one has not met this presumed demand, one must suffer lost love. This
can be followed by bringing about the self-punishment that one believes (from
past indoctrination or the mass unconscious) is deserved and necessary to pay
for the wrong done. . This could be done physically, emotionally, mentally, by
holding back one's own growth, or by engaging in negative relationships. It is
most often done almost if not totally unconsciously.

2. False guilt can be
felt by children who blame themselves for the wrong behavior of adults ("I must
be bad or these bad things would not be happening around me"). "I do not
deserve....to get well,......... to be forgiven...etc"

4. Failure to experience
guilt even when one has done great harm, often accompanied by the belief that
one is in the right. This is one of the characteristics of evil, which seeks to
inhibit or destroy the potential for spiritual and other growth of others, while
projecting the wrong out onto them. (As in genocide).

RELEASE:-

1-3. To confess one's
error to an unconditionally loving person or group (NOT to a collection of
critical judges!). 4. Possibly "exorcism" - see Scott Peck, M.D., ":The People
of the Lie"11 for a discussion about the nature of evil and the difficulties in
diagnosis and management. The need for an absolutely mature and unconditionally
loving team of healers is stressed.

TRANSFORM:-

To do the
Self-forgiveness of the personality process and restore Self-love once more.

OPPORTUNITY:-

Qualities of the Higher
Self seeking expression - Acceptance of oneself as one is at present without
condemnation, even though one can see where improvements can be made.
Unconditional Love. And the development of precisely the qualities perceived and
admired in the other from within one's own self.

It is humanity's task to
grow by transforming the distortions of primary, beneficial emotions through
forgiveness and creative acts infused with love.

The "problems" we have
are opportunities to make choices based in love. All negative emotions are
related to love. Anger and fear arise when what we love is threatened. Grief
arises when what we love is lost to us. Envy arises when what we love seems
inaccessible to us. Guilt arises when we forget to love.

Each negative state in
another can be seen as a cry love.

Each negative state in
ourselves is also a call to us to give more love.