ØAlabama Declares War On The United States by John Simmons / outlaw programmerPresident Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang. "Hello, President Obama” a heavily accented southern voice said. "This is Archie, down here at Joe's Catfish Shack, in Mobile , and I am callin' to tell ya’ll that we are officially declaring war on y'all!""Well Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?""Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, my cousin Harold, my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team from Hooters. That makes eight!"Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.""Wow," said Archie. "I'll have to call ya back!"Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. “Mr. Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!""And what equipment would that be Archie?" Barack asked."Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, Harry ’s farm tractor, four ridin' lawnmowers, and there's a Chevy in Harry's front yard that can be pressed into service if need be"President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke.""Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. “President Obama! I am sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war.""I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack. "Why the sudden change of heart?"Well, sir," said Archie, "we sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a jar of sweet tea, and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed that many prisoners."ØMercury Vapour #2 by DaveAuldSo how many of you have compact fluorescent energy saving lamps in the house (or work)?Do you know they have mercury vapour in them? Have you ever broken one accidently, or walked around in a room where one has broken previously?Yes, even the tiny amounts of MV in these can be harmful if it ends up in your skin.See this individuals foot.............(not a pretty sight) caution-energy-saving-light-bulbs

Today's jokewww.ajokeaday.comA couple is in bed sleeping when there's a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.The husband rolls over and looks at the clock, and it's half past 3 in the morning.” I’m not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. So he drags himself out of bed, goes downstairs, opens the door, and there's a man standing there. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk."Hi there," slurs the stranger, "Can you give me a push?" "No, get lost. It's half past three and I was in bed," says the man as he slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tell his wife what happened and she says, "That wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?""But the guy was drunk," says the husband."It doesn't matter," says the wife.” He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs.He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere, He shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?"And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?" The drunk replies, "Over here, on the swing."