What a hunk of Junk!

I admit it: I’m a Star Wars fan, including the Extended Universe. I’ve read and reread (recently, even) a number of the books. There’s one thing that bothers me about the whole thing: the Millenium Falcon. I feel like other fans focus more than they should on lines like “She’s the fastest ship in the fleet” and less on lines like “You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought.”

I think I’ve finally figured out how best to express this frustration. Take space ships from the Star Wars universe and translate them to real world cars. See, I feel like fans have an image of the Millenium Falcon as something like this:

Not the Millenium Falcon

Yes, it’s fast. Yes, it’s heavily modified. Yes, it has weapons. Most of all, it’s cool. But does it fit what I see as the Millenium Falcon’s place in the Star Wars universe? No. Not even close. That would look something more like this:

Millenium Falcon

Now that’s more like it. In fact, this may even be too nice. The Millenium Falcon is supposed to already be kind of… old by the time movies start. Above all else, it’s supposed to be a light freighter, and nothing says light freighter like the ubiquitous white box truck. Han was a smuggler, and as a smuggler he would not have always wanted to draw attention to himself.

This isn’t to say there was nothing special at all about the Millenium Falcon. Picture the van above after it’s had is engine and transmission replaced with the fastest set that can be made to fit, which would include a turbo and nitrous canisters. Maybe throw in some armor plating on the rear door, and give it an upgraded suspension that can handle the speed and weight. This truck could really fly. But in the end, it’s still a truck.