As we begin 2019, the news media is busily talking about government home renovation projects that are going poorly both south and north of the Canada – US border.

In the United States, US President Donald Trump just delivered his first Presidential speech from the Oval Office to talk about his “home improvement” project, which is stalled, his Southern Border Wall. President Trump believes so strongly in the vital importance of this project that he has shut down the government until he can get the $5.7 billion to move forward with it. Five point seven billion dollars! Hmmm… Rather expensive home improvement project, and with extremely little guaranteed value. Maybe you should consider less expensive building materials. Have you thought about softwood lumber?

In case you were wondering, yes, this is the same wall that Trump originally said that Mexico would pay for. Now, the wall is apparently going to pay for itself. Maybe, once it’s built, it will go out and get a job to pay back the money invested in it. Good luck with that. I know a number of parents with adult children who are still waiting for that to happen, and they invested much less money. Or maybe Trump plans to install toll booths at all points of entry. That way, he may actually get Mexico to pay for the wall. Or maybe it will just be Americans visiting Mexico who will pay back the money invested through their tax dollars. Wait a second…

As for the value of the wall, history shows us that walls may provide a temporary solution to something like an invading army, but over the long term, a desperate and determined person will always find a way over, under or around the wall. From the Great Wall of China to Hadrian’s Wall to the Berlin Wall, walls usually end up causing more problems than they solve. Since, technically, the walls of Troy were not breached, US border patrols should be advised to keep their eyes open for a giant wooden burro and be advised not bring it through to the US side. Of course there is one possibility supporting the building of the wall, and that is the likelihood that so many illegal immigrants will be involved in building the wall, there will be none left to sneak across.

On our side of the border, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau apparently has a serious plumbing problem to deal with. Basically, his pipes are stopped up. Prime Minister’s planned natural gas pipeline from Dawson Creek to Kitimat, British Columbia, has been plugged by a large number of indigenous protesters who are angry about the pipeline going through their land. There are also counter-protesters from Alberta’s oil and gas sector, calling Trudeau a traitor for not plunging straight through the clog. As with many plumbing projects, this could potentially get quite messy and Trudeau may very well end up in deep s**t.

Let’s break this problem down. On one side you have our First Nations people, whom you (Prime Minister Trudeau) have just apologized to a little more than a year ago for all the damage done to them by residential schools. You have spent the last year working on a long needed reconciliation. Now, thanks to this new pipeline, they feel that their rights have been violated once again. If this continues, the Prime Minister who follows you will be apologizing for your actions. The 21st century could end up being the “I’m Sorry” century for the Canadian government.

On the other side of the coin is the Alberta oil people. Let me explain this to you, Mr. Prime Minister. They will never like you, no matter what you do because you are L-I-B-E-R-A-L, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. They hate your carbon tax, hate your treatment of refugees, hate everything you stand for, simply on a matter of principle, and nothing you do will change their attitude, as it is drilled in deeper than one of their wells. What, did you think this was a popularity contest? No, that was the election. Now that you are voted in, we are going to hold everything you do wrong (in our minds) against you, and ignore everything you do right. It isn’t personal, we did it to all your predecessors. Just ask Stephen Harper.

At least Prime Minister Trudeau’s gardening project has had no serious negative effects so far, and has given a whole new meaning to “Keep Canada Green.” Unfortunately for our PM, those who didn’t approve of legalizing cannabis will continue to disapprove, while those who do approve… sorry, but pot smokers don’t vote, and those who do are unlikely to remember that it was Trudeau who made it happen and will likely vote based on whatever survey they find on Facebook or Instagram. Sorry.

And this is how we are beginning 2019 in North America. Maybe Home Improvement’s Tim “The Tool Man” Taylor could help out our leaders with their renovation projects. Or we could just elect him to run both countries. Let’s face it, he is a better option than either of us have currently. Besides, I’ve looked at our current replacement options and Tim is less likely to screw things up worse.