Oh my… my first blog..

I’ve always wanted to blog but never knew how to start. I find myself writing about my days in my text messaging to myself but now here I am… I don’t know what I hope to accomplish here other then to write out my thoughts. My hopes,my dreams,my wants,my fears, my current situations etc.

To start with my name is Nicole. I am 30 years old and find myself in a very interesting situation, 99% of the time. We all have our ups and downs in life but you see, I have 8 daughter’s. The most beautiful girls inside and out that I could have ever asked for. But my life is hectic. And sometimes…just sometimes..I need a break. Writing is it. I love to write. Not necessarily anything in particular… Just the words that are in my soul. I don’t say brain because I don’t exactly think that’s where they come from.

Which brings me to my next point, it’s raining, I’m sitting here in my oversized, comfy rocking chair with my incense burning and my Himalayan salt rock on. Very peaceful. I can hear 3 of my older girls tinkering In the kitchen making hot cocoa while my little one makes playful noises with her daddy, my husband. Man do I love him and hate him at the same time.

My soul is hurting right now and I need healing. Writing will be my venue for that healing.. it has to be. I stopped for so long and can feel myself drawing back to it. I have things to say and the world needs to hear.

I am a domestic violence survivor.

I am a rape survivor.

I am a survivor of numerous suicide attempts.

I am a survivor of an attempted murder..though they won’t call it that in the reports.. But I was there..

I am a woman who in my short 30 years, has been through a lot, some who would say a victim. But I don’t carry that victim mentality…

I carry hope

I carry peace.

I carry joy.

I carry love.

I carry experiences.

I carry life with me. I am here for a reason and that reason is to change the cycle of the negative mindset on any level of anyone listening, and for any reason.