tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29725164535341489222014-10-06T20:17:01.373-06:00`Absolut Missives`AbsolutCheshirehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17239401390676000183noreply@blogger.comBlogger51125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2972516453534148922.post-4117777922873201522013-02-13T16:35:00.000-07:002013-02-13T16:53:56.273-07:00D.044\13I recently came across a list of 50 questions that inspire deep thinking. I took time in answering all the questions and came to realize, I am an odd person. I believe that astrology is guidelines of your life that God gives you. I am a Gemini, and as such my charts describe me to a T. It can be bad when trying to conform to societal norms, but it makes me Me. Answering these questions also helped me realize how much I love Amore Mio, and how much I have changed to be with him.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?<br /><span style="color: blue;">I’d be forever young. I have always had a need for adventure, an insatiable wanderlust and it’s led to some good times in my past, some scary times, but they always ended up nicely. I know that can’t last forever though.</span><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br /></span><br />2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?<br /><span style="color: blue;">I believe never trying is the worse. From failure you learn, success, not so much. But if you never try than you stagnate and that’s toxic to everyone’s way of life.</span><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span><br /><br />3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?<br /><span style="color: blue;">I don’t know, I’ve never been in that situation really. I didn’t like going to school, but I loved learning, so I would ditch school and spend my days at the park reading. I didn’t like how life was boring with my parents and so I left to lean about the world. However, in doing the things that I love I have often come into risky situations that I am very happy I got out of, but the questions always lingers: “what-if you weren’t so lucky?”</span><br /><br />4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">Yes, I know I will. I am the sort of person who sparks great ideas and will get behind something passionately and with everything I possess, but I also lose interest very quickly. And often wander away from things unfinished. </span><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span><br /><br />5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?<br /><span style="color: blue;">As bad as it may seem, I wouldn’t want to really change anything about the world. There are tons of bad things, yes, and that is all very sad. But I figure, if life was perfect, if life was great, then there wouldn’t be anything in which to compare your circumstances against. There would be no motivation to do better and achieve more. Life, no matter where you are standing on the great spectrum of it, can always change, it can always get better and it can ALWAYS get worse. And you will ALWAYS have the ability to change it.</span><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span><br /><br />6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?<br /><span style="color: blue;">Counseling, making sure that people stayed happy by providing a shoulder to lean on, and ear to listen, and motivation to change circumstances.</span><br />7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?<br /><span style="color: blue;">I always do what I believe in, rarely am I doing anything else. I have the bad habit of always questioning motives and so I try to always stick with what is most moral for me. It may not always be the best situation, but I always feel it can change, and if it doesn’t, live and learn.</span><br /><br />8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">I’d work harder on communication with the people that I love.</span><br />9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?<br /><span style="color: blue;">None. I always work with what happens and pray for the best but prepare for the worse. So far it has worked out really well, I hold no regrets in my life. Every experience, good and bad, have all brought me to this point in life, and I wouldn’t give that up for the world.</span><br /><br />10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?<br /><span style="color: blue;">I don’t know. It depends on the situation. Mostly I worry about doing the right things, but since I jump in head first and ask questions later, I suppose it doesn't really matter.</span><br />11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?<br /><span style="color: blue;">Tell them that their criticism is distasteful, unjustified and that I expect more from them. Then tell them about her, then get up and leave.</span><br />12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">You’re first mission in life is to Survive. You’re second mission is to Thrive. After that, figure it out.</span><br />13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?<br /><span style="color: blue;">If it was the last resort, then yes, with hesitation. </span><br />14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?<br /><span style="color: blue;">No, but I keep an eye out for it.</span><br />15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?<br /><span style="color: blue;">I hold no regrets with any aspect of my life.</span><br />16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?<br /><span style="color: blue;">Because everyone is different, if we were all the same then life would get boring rather quickly.</span><br />17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?<br /><span style="color: blue;">I haven’t gone to Europe and wandered around. What was holding me back before was I wanted to finished my bachelor’s degree, then I met the man that I love and now I don’t want a life that he’s not completely apart of. </span><br />18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?<br /><span style="color: blue;">Surviving. It’s all my life was, just survive. But I was on my own, now that I have Amore Mio, I need to stop “surviving” and now work on Thriving.</span><br />19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?<br /><span style="color: blue;">State: Missouri, because the job market is better out there and the housing market is better. And because I’m just not cut out for this desert dwelling, my skin is always dry. Country: Ireland, because they are a hot spot for IT jobs.</span><br />20. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?<br /><span style="color: blue;">I don’t like elevators, I try to avoid them if possible.</span><br />21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">Can’t I be both? I suppose I’d rather be a worried genius, because then I’d have a better idea of what is to come, and I do just hate surprises.</span><br /><br />22. Why are you, you?<br /><span style="color: blue;">Because God had me born under the Gemini stars and I embrace that life and work with what He gave me.</span><br />23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?<br /><span style="color: blue;">I do try my hardest to be.</span><br /><br />24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">I</span><span style="color: blue;"> honestly don’t know, I had a good friend move away and we didn’t talk for almost 8 years, but when she came back we picked up right where we left off. Ad for losing touch with a friend who lives near me, that happens often because I just lose track of time and just forget to contact people.</span><br /><br />25. What are you most grateful for?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">The people who know how I operate and accept me fully and completely this way.</span><br /><br />26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">I’d rather lose all my old memories since now I have Amore Mio and only want him for the rest of my life. </span><br /><br />27. Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">Personally, no. I will always challenge it, it’s just how I am.</span><br /><br />28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">Yes and no- old “greatest fears” have come true and once I realize they don’t kill me, they become inconsequential and new ones arise. The most current one has not come true, nor do I ever wish it will. Like all fears, I don’t know how I will be able to handle, but that is by no means a challenge to the Universe.</span><br /><br />29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">Yes I do remember that. And yes it does matter now, it made me realize things and helped me achieve goals and helped me become who I am now. </span><br /><br />30. What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">Playing Singing Ninja’s with my best friend Katie Reid. It made me believe that life would be simple and stay that way forever. Safe, secure, stable… everything changed a few months later, but it was good at the time.</span><br /><br />31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">When I was hiking in the Sandia’s with my dog Artemis, I was on a rock, stuck, I couldn’t keep going up because Artie kept running under me and making the rock wet and I couldn’t jump back down since I was 20 feet up. On that rock, alone, stuck and feeling so alive.</span><br /><br />32. If not now, then when?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">Perhaps never. It’s no longer about my anymore, I finally found someone that I am willing to following completely and now I look to him for guidance. So whenever he wants to, I’ll probably agree.</span><br /><br />33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">Nothing. But first I have to figure out what it is I need to achieve.</span><br /><br />34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">Often times yes, it happens mostly with my Little Bit. </span><br /><br />35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">Because they all seem to believe that their ‘Love’ is the one true love and everyone must be aware of this and must follow it.</span><br /><br />36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">No, I don’t believe so, everything I have experienced in life has never been Black and White. It’s all just shades of gray.</span><br /><br />37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">No, I’d keep working until the task was done, then I’d move onto a new job. If I don’t have a job I get bored, if I get bored I get devious. </span><br /><br />38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">More work that I actually enjoy doing, because if I enjoy my work, I’ll work harder to make it better.</span><br /><br />39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">No. And I love it.</span><br /><br />40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">Often, that always seems to be the way my life is. </span><br /><br />41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">My parents and Amore Mio.</span><br /><br />42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">Nope.</span><br /><br />43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">I think that when you are truly living you are happy with where you are, how you got there and where you are going.</span><br /><br />44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">I don’t know, I have always been the kind of person to jump headlong into situations and deal with the consequences later.</span><br /><br />45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">For me, it’s because I remember how disappointed I made people, how they reacted and how that made me feel. It’s not a feeling I ever want to feel again and so am afraid of it.</span><br /><br />46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">I’d make more mistakes. But mostly I would just keep doing what I do.</span><br /><br />47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">Every day, because every day I have to focus on my breathing to keep my mind from straying too far.</span><br /><br />48. What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">I love a lot of things, and I try to express it every day. I don’t always succeed, but I always try.</span><br /><br />49. In 5 years from now,will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">Maybe, maybe not, only time will tell. The things that matter I will remember, like finally giving in to Amore Mio. Finally deciding to stop doing it alone and letting someone have total possession of my heart and affection again.</span><br /><br />50. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?<br /><br /><span style="color: blue;">I always try to make them for myself, I never do well when forced to conform. ‘Square Peg-Round Hole’ sort of thing. </span><br /><br />AbsolutCheshirehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17239401390676000183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2972516453534148922.post-70454992710453177632012-08-02T20:13:00.001-06:002012-08-02T20:13:22.367-06:00D.215\12D.215\12
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<br>So I drank enough last night to loosen my tongue but not too much that I couldn&#39;t remember what I talked about. On our way back home I asked Ragazzo what he wanted, because he says he didn&#39;t like that woman from the other night at Lowe&#39;s who just got into the truck and left the older man to do the heavy lifting. But then again all the women he&#39;s dated and been interested in we&#39;re the skinny girls who are normally very girly-girl. He explained that he liked the women in the middle- that all his exes use to be in the middle. They would be girly but also wouldn&#39;t mind heavy lift and dirty work. But after a time they would change and just want to be girly-girls and not do any work. Even his exwife changed and her father would get after her for it as well. I countered with- well everything and everyone changes, as much as women say they don&#39;t want to be apart of the old type gender roles, when they are in long termed committed relationships they normally fall into those roles and become the gender types. He said he knew but he didn&#39;t like it. Then went on to say that he doesn&#39;t see me doing that. Of course I wouldn&#39;t, I grew up with guys, I am one of the guys, I&#39;m a tomboy through and through and I prefer it that way... Mind you I&#39;m saying all of this in a dress and high heels. He pointed out that while I am a tomboy ,don&#39;t mind bucking bricks, heavy lifting, getting dirty, I also don&#39;t mind dressing up and getting pretty if someone asks. Well that&#39;s true enough, but hardly anybody asks it of me. And he also just loves that I ride a motorcycle, that most women are intimated by the power and danger of motorcycles and I not only ride but I tend to ride faster and harder than him. Yeah, my crash kinda proves that, but ah well.
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<br>So the retaining wall will be built out of cinder blocks that are 8 x 12 x 16, stacked 4 high to maintain the 32&quot; height so when you sit on it your feet can dangle. Then 28&#39; from the southern wall then 9&#39; west for a total of 113 blocks. Rebar to stabilize, concrete to support, mortar to hold for a grand total of $470. Ouchie. And that doesn&#39;t include the toppers or the side veneers.
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<br>Gr... Talking to him stone cold sober is sometimes so fucking hard I can&#39;t even make a sexual innuendo to it!! Gr.
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<br>Con affecto.
<br>MeYour document from My Writing Spot is attached to this email.AbsolutCheshirehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17239401390676000183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2972516453534148922.post-30723144909983232652012-08-01T10:13:00.001-06:002012-08-01T11:04:14.925-06:00D.214\12Tonight is APA, I told Gina that I'd wear a dress today. But that is not until tonight. <br /><br />I need to cut the branches with the reciprocating blade but I'm tired and I am feeling lazy. I know I have to do a lot of this work on the backyard, seeing as it is my idea. I'm still shocked that Ragazzo is doing a lot of this work, I thought he would have supported the ideas but left all the work to me. I'm so happy that he is helping with most of this heavy lifting. <br /><br />So last night we were at Lowe's and while we were waiting for the blocks to be brought out to the truck two people, a older couple, came out with some heavy lifting items. The woman went directly to the truck cab and got in leaving the guy to load the items himself. Ragazzo made a comment saying she was lazy and I pointed out that most women are that way. He said he knew, but still didn't like it. I'm not a girly-girl, never have been. Sometimes I do like to dress up, but even then I'm a tomboy through and through. I don't mind "bucking brick" as Ragazzo says- that's moving the bricks from the truck to the backyard. I don't care about doing heavy work, sweating or whatever. Guess it is just the way I was raised. I wonder if that is why he loves me... Hmm. <br /><br />Well, my little iPad is dying, I am done writing for today. <br /><br />Con affecto. <br />Me <br /><br /><br />Sent from my iPad<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-q-0dFAauepg/UBlZDsRxbuI/AAAAAAAAAFs/sugTBT7Xj2U/s1600/branches+to+cut.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-q-0dFAauepg/UBlZDsRxbuI/AAAAAAAAAFs/sugTBT7Xj2U/s320/branches+to+cut.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />&nbsp;These are the branches that were removed from the tree in the front yard. They need to be chopped to size, these will be the top for the shade structure that I want to build. All the little branches and the twigs will provide great grabs for the wisteria and Virginia creeper that I want to get growing to provide shade. I might do it to the front yard too, since Virginia Creeper doesn't destroy masonry it provides great shade and keeps the building structure cooler by reflecting the sun away. Nice.... Just got to prune it away from the roof. Easy enough to do.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mPzOXSzuLE0/UBlZKOjyXmI/AAAAAAAAAF0/MVUfOkEDD5I/s1600/cinderblocks.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mPzOXSzuLE0/UBlZKOjyXmI/AAAAAAAAAF0/MVUfOkEDD5I/s320/cinderblocks.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />&nbsp;Here is all the cinder blocks that I bought last night, again I thought it would have been more for everything. But since all those branches are by the side gate we had to carry all these blocks through the garage and into the back yard. My hands are still all scratched up ^__^ ouchie.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KTVpuJp8ytI/UBlZPlKzykI/AAAAAAAAAF8/gfXKysLDvXA/s1600/flowerbed+to+extend.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KTVpuJp8ytI/UBlZPlKzykI/AAAAAAAAAF8/gfXKysLDvXA/s320/flowerbed+to+extend.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />&nbsp;So here is the patio concrete edge that Ragazzo built out for me. From here I need to build up the soil, extend that flower bed to the left out by 5 feet. <br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-sFxYmiOLdjw/UBlZWGYN5eI/AAAAAAAAAGE/NCDJkSIAy1M/s1600/projected+structure.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-sFxYmiOLdjw/UBlZWGYN5eI/AAAAAAAAAGE/NCDJkSIAy1M/s320/projected+structure.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />&nbsp;Here is the project plans for the retaining wall and the location of the shade structure. That retaining wall will be 14 feet from the patio edge. It will connect to the southern wall and head north for 28 feet, turn 90 degrees to the west (toward the house) and continue on for another 9 feet. It will be made out of cinder blocks for about $130, then Ragazzo suggested a stone face veneer. I made fun of the veneer saying they were ugly- he doesn't take joking so well. But I finally convinced him that I was serious and I liked his idea, I'll do that as long as he chose the color. Silly Ragazzo.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vRYP1g_XE7Q/UBlZcQkAJ2I/AAAAAAAAAGM/u91writFPEo/s1600/work+ragazzo+did.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vRYP1g_XE7Q/UBlZcQkAJ2I/AAAAAAAAAGM/u91writFPEo/s320/work+ragazzo+did.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />So here is what Ragazzo did for me, he pulled in dirt from the yard and leveled out the 5 feet, pulled the bricks down and relined them to how I wanted them to extend, then after I bought the bricks he set them out and pulled the dirt down to make it a little more level. Now all I have to do is fill in the flower bed with potting soil and plant my vines and flowers.<br /><br />I love Ragazzo, he's done so much, when I thought he wouldn't. Guess I am just not use to people being like this... now to get over my insecurities and keep moving forward. &lt;3<br />Con affecto.<br />meAbsolutCheshirehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17239401390676000183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2972516453534148922.post-34550696555412274072012-07-31T21:41:00.002-06:002012-07-31T21:41:39.577-06:00D.213\12<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 28px;"><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>So I want to build up the southern wall and create the succulent garden, I made the measurements today. 13' 8" long by 32" high roughly 50 bricks, since some need to stick out. 50 bricks at home depot cost about $1.14 so the whole wall will cost about $57 for the bricks plus the cost of the mortar. That is about $5 for 80lbs and Ragazzo says we need about 3 bags, so $15 so about $72-$75 for this complete project. I can afford that.</div><div><br /></div><div>The next project is the retaining wall, initially I was thinking railroad ties, but those are fucking expensive!!!! So I will build it with concrete blocks like the wall. This retaining wall will be 28' from the southern wall then turn towards the house and continue for another 9'. S that roughly 84 bricks then turn and an additional 28 bricks for a total of 112 bricks roughly $130.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>Now, from this retaining wall I want to build another shade structure. It will start at the flower bed (roughly 3'-4' from the southern wall) and extend 8' north and be about 12' wide. The top of this structure will house dead branches taken from the trees out front and this will provide holding for the Virginia creeper and wisteria that I want to plant in the flower bed and g to grow on the shade structure. From the posts that are built in the retaining wall it provides a solid post to stretch an awning from them to the roof and provide much needed shade for the grass that is going in the area between the patio and the retaining wall.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>Speaking of the grass, the area needs to have a slight slope for drainage which works perfectly for me. The soil needs to be about 10" at the edge of the patio concrete and can slope downward away. To achieve this slope I will need top soil ($1.63 for 1 cubic ft at Lowe's) and lawn soil ($5.97 for 1.5 cubic ft at Lowe's). So this is going to be L shaped, so 192"x57"= 10,944" sq is about &nbsp;76 sq ft. That seems like a lot, hmmm. Then 28'x14' gives me 392 sq ft for a total of 468 sq ft. Fuck that's a lot of dirt... Plus the sod which Ragazzo said came in 5 sq ft so about 94 pieces of sod and I don't know that price but it isn't something we have to think about until spring next year anyways. But the area has to be built up first with the top soil and lawn soil.</div><div><br /></div><div>Ragazzo says I need 12 Fulton bricks for my little garden against the south side of the patio that I want to extend out. God I love this man, he pulled the bricks out of the existing bed, pulled in dirt from the yard to build up the level of the soil and re-laid the bricks to calculate the exact number of bricks that I will need. Now he is brining in dirt around the patio edge to build up my slope... Wow, why do I ever doubt this man, I need to fucking get over my insecurities.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>So 12 bricks at Lowe's is $1.52 total of $18.24 &nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>Okay, I'm exhausted. We went to Lowe's and got 50 cinder blocks, 12 bricks, 2 bags of mortar, 1 thing to get the mortar on the blocks... What's it called? Some wooden pickets for him, and uh... I think that was it. Only $120! I thought it would have been more. Anyways, we got home, unloaded all that into the backyard and now my hands are scratched up and my arms are tired. But then we moved all those branches that he removed from the tree in the front yard and broke them down and moved those into the backyard too. That'll be for the shade structure that I wanna build.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>Alright, well, that it is for today. I'm exhausted,need a shower then off to bed.</div><div><br /></div><div>Con affecto.</div><div>Me</div></span>AbsolutCheshirehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17239401390676000183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2972516453534148922.post-5282312840141028252012-07-27T22:03:00.000-06:002012-07-29T20:50:34.682-06:00D.209\12Il Ragazzo left for Taos this morning, he&#39;s working with a new job, and that is great, he started a few days ago. He is a lot less stressed, which means a lot more relaxed Ragazzo for kitty to play with.
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<br>So I lost all the measurements that I had for the backyard. But after I took the measurements the first time Ragazzo bought a Bosch laser measure-er. I love this thing!! Best to use it at night when it&#39;s easier to spot the damned little red dot. I was able to remeasure the whole backyard in a just a few minutes.
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<br>With Ragazzo out in Taos I don&#39;t know what to do with myself. I don&#39;t like being alone here, I miss him so much. But I am also happy that he is off working, and making money. But sleeping alone is lonely, I&#39;m shocked at how quickly I adapted to being with him and... Kinds maybe, sorta, depending on him to have my back. Kinda pains me to admit that I need help, or want help... But I love him, and want him around me. But, for the next few months I have to get use to him being away for a few days then back to me for a couple. I will take what I can get, and the job pays good, so he is happy. And when he is happy, kitty is happy. And I do like one aspect of this house when he leaves- I get to open the shades and the windows and don&#39;t have to turn the air on until it gets too hot in the house. Open windows and circulated air means I don&#39;t have to turn th air on until about 10-11 in the morning.
<br>
<br>Well, I&#39;m off to watch Burn Notice, drink some drinks, eat something and then off to bed.
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<br>Con affecto
<br>me
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<br>Sent from my iPadAbsolutCheshirehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17239401390676000183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2972516453534148922.post-90929644742851308392012-07-25T15:54:00.001-06:002012-07-26T11:01:43.691-06:00D.207\12I don't want to be getting my hopes high, but my period is late... Again. Granted sometimes it just comes late, but last night Ragazzo and I were getting ready to have some fun and he asked if I had started yet, I said no and he said that was a little cause for concern "because you usually start about this time don't you?" it made me stop to think, I never really think about this stuff, it kinda startles me that he remembers these things when even I don't. Not just my cycle, but also little things- or rather things that are 'little' to me which could be big to other people. He remembers the night we first had sex which he counts to be the night that we officially started going out. Every month, on the 13th, he says "happy anniversary". He even made me a little crudely made dog tag with my name on one side and 41312 on the other side. He didn't like it much, said it came out wrong, but I adore it. I took it and want to put it on my keychain, no one has ever made Anything like that for me before, I love it so much.<br /><br />So, I really pray and hope that I am pregnant, but if I start my period today or soon I will be a little devastated. But things happen for a reason, and I've noticed, at least in my life, that things happen for a reason and if I am pregnant then it is meant to be and if I am not, than that is meant to be. However, I do pray that I am, I really want a child, preferably a little boy, but a girl would be good too.<br /><br />So the question becomes should I wait or should I get a pregnancy test now and find out? And if I find out that I am, who do I tell? &nbsp;Ragazzo of course, and my parents my siblings, but other than that I think I might keep it to myself for a while. A little scared of miscarriage, or if someone goes wrong, :( kinda scary thoughts there. Anyhow, I might just be getting my hopes up again, time to focus on something else.<br /><br />My period hasn't started yet, but I think this might be the usual pre-period jitter of 'hope I'm pregnant' then start to bleed. If I haven't started bleeding by the 28th then I'll get tested. I do hope that I'm pregnant, but I think this is the usual jitter. Of course this time there was that one day... So fingers crossed.<br /><br />But I need to talk about the backyard, when Ragazzo bought this house he was with his ex-wife, and was looking for the whole family and white-picket fence life. He started working on the backyard but when they ended the marriage it was left barren.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--5foIxDMTxQ/UBBmCA3BndI/AAAAAAAAADw/Di9bcG98p38/s1600/IMG_0377.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--5foIxDMTxQ/UBBmCA3BndI/AAAAAAAAADw/Di9bcG98p38/s320/IMG_0377.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-K5al7S9UI5E/UBBmHNl0EYI/AAAAAAAAAD4/hsncl5OabOM/s1600/IMG_0378.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-K5al7S9UI5E/UBBmHNl0EYI/AAAAAAAAAD4/hsncl5OabOM/s320/IMG_0378.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5ty3T_QP-H0/UBBmPfy87RI/AAAAAAAAAEI/O-ToU_JT88k/s1600/IMG_0380.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5ty3T_QP-H0/UBBmPfy87RI/AAAAAAAAAEI/O-ToU_JT88k/s320/IMG_0380.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gN5-ZeXNewE/UBBmT0DdyqI/AAAAAAAAAEQ/quYmGXns01g/s1600/IMG_0381.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gN5-ZeXNewE/UBBmT0DdyqI/AAAAAAAAAEQ/quYmGXns01g/s320/IMG_0381.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-mnEPzzVkILY/UBBmXly5t_I/AAAAAAAAAEY/IQ5s47Zx28c/s1600/IMG_0382.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-mnEPzzVkILY/UBBmXly5t_I/AAAAAAAAAEY/IQ5s47Zx28c/s320/IMG_0382.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-FQbTdmp3q54/UBBmbDUK5HI/AAAAAAAAAEg/qLzyM-i4ecg/s1600/IMG_0383.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-FQbTdmp3q54/UBBmbDUK5HI/AAAAAAAAAEg/qLzyM-i4ecg/s320/IMG_0383.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-65TlEUHzads/UBBmLcmUzFI/AAAAAAAAAEA/dadV71MC4Yg/s1600/IMG_0379.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-65TlEUHzads/UBBmLcmUzFI/AAAAAAAAAEA/dadV71MC4Yg/s320/IMG_0379.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />I remember him talking about it at school, how the backyard was mostly rocks and how he moved all the rocks to the side of the yard and was going to till the yard and lay grass. Well after the divorce he was so pessimistic about love and family, so when I moved in I brought my two dogs and the disused backyard was quickly piling up with dog turds. Then I lost my internship and had all this free time on my hands I got it into my head to take the backyard and make it mine. So I asked Ragazzo if he minded if I designed the backyard and changed it. At first he seemed a little apprehensive about it, asked where the money would come from and I said myself. So he agreed and I started thinking about so many different ideas, but so did he.<br /><br />First he built me a little shade structure off the back of the patio roof. As you can see, he removed most of the panels that enclosed the patio. That was fun (sarcasm).<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QfbZ1wW1ZHc/UBBpRGe0lxI/AAAAAAAAAEw/pI0Q4dA5p4Q/s1600/photo%283%29.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QfbZ1wW1ZHc/UBBpRGe0lxI/AAAAAAAAAEw/pI0Q4dA5p4Q/s320/photo%283%29.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8JJyFEnyLeU/UBBpmg8eKtI/AAAAAAAAAE4/aZ0B0RsqF-o/s1600/photo%282%29.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8JJyFEnyLeU/UBBpmg8eKtI/AAAAAAAAAE4/aZ0B0RsqF-o/s320/photo%282%29.JPG" width="320" /></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-k-A31H-1kdg/UBBp1HNyt1I/AAAAAAAAAFA/mWNHq_F_gLs/s1600/IMG_0386.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-k-A31H-1kdg/UBBp1HNyt1I/AAAAAAAAAFA/mWNHq_F_gLs/s320/IMG_0386.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>Then he extended the concrete by 4 feet, that was a tiring day. I was the one mixing the concrete while he smoothed it out.<br /><br />Ragazzo still wants some grass in the backyard, and I agree, but unlike him it won't be a majority of the yard, but a good size of it. Also want to build up part of the wall, I saw this great idea of using cinder blocks to make a succulent garden. I want to get some vines, the Virginia creeper and the wisteria, to climb on the little shade structure Ragazzo built for me.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5JsLQS10Uk4/UBBqdujJ3bI/AAAAAAAAAFI/SSLCaVEieAU/s1600/photo%281%29.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5JsLQS10Uk4/UBBqdujJ3bI/AAAAAAAAAFI/SSLCaVEieAU/s320/photo%281%29.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--O7z_x8PL_c/UBBq4L1niAI/AAAAAAAAAFc/rQ6tPcFGDSQ/s1600/photo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="298" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--O7z_x8PL_c/UBBq4L1niAI/AAAAAAAAAFc/rQ6tPcFGDSQ/s400/photo.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>And there is the finished patio for now, still a lot of work to be done, but we are getting there. This will be amazing when it is all finished.<br /><br /><br />Well, I have to post this, then I am off to Billiards leagues tonight!!<br />Con affecto!AbsolutCheshirehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17239401390676000183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2972516453534148922.post-55473570789414876062012-07-25T07:06:00.001-06:002012-07-26T11:01:16.215-06:00D206.12Wow, odd to think that it was a simple question that spawned a simple search that lead me to find deeper answers on a website for christianity and G-od's love. <br /><br />"Each of us has five significant parts in our lives. We have the physical, the emotional, the mental, the social, and the spiritual. All five of these parts are designed to work together in harmony. In our search for intimacy we want the solution today, or yesterday. One of our problems is that we want "instant" gratification." <br /><br />This is something that I never knew about before, or if I did, I sure don't remember it. This makes a lot of sense, so does this: <br /><br />"It is easier to be physically intimate with someone than to be intimate in any of the other four areas. You can become physically intimate with a person of the opposite sex in an hour, or half-hour -- it just depends upon the urge! But you soon discover that sex may only be a temporary relief for a superficial desire. There is a much deeper need that is still unmet." <br /><br />And this: <br /><br />"I would estimate that you (and around 100 percent of the population) would say you have been hurt in a relationship before. The question is, how do you handle that hurt? In order to camouflage the pain, a lot of us give people what I call the "double-sign." We say to a person, "Look, I want you to come closer to me. I want to love and be loved . . . but wait a minute, I've been hurt before. No, I don't want to talk about these subjects. I don't want to hear those things." We build walls around our hearts to protect us from anyone on the outside getting in to hurt us. But that same wall which keeps people out, keeps us stuck inside. The result? Loneliness sets in and true intimacy and love become impossible." <br /><br />Having had over 20 lovers in my 27 years I can honestly say that this is true for me, it makes so much sense to me. Tim hurt me when he talked so much about loving me and relocating to be with me and taking his children and being with me. I loved him, and that was the only time I can say that all 5 parts of me were in harmony. I know that whole situation with Tim and Laura was messed up, but it happened, the emotions were there and it hurt like crazy when it ended and he stayed with her. Ever since then I have been looking for that same intimacy, but I have also been so afraid of being rejected or, like Tim, told that I am loved, that I'm so special and so amazing and so perfect but then to pick someone else instead. <br /><br />Enter Norman, now I realize that was a bad relationship too, it was a relationship based mostly on need and not a lot of want on his side, and on my side it was spiteful to my family and to everyone who ever said that I would never settle down and get married. Yes I did love him, and when he became emotionally attached to Tracy B. in wisconsin it hurt me, it made me feel like I wasn't enough to him. I do not know if he ever slept with her, but the emotional attachment- that level of intimacy with someone other than me, his wife- destroyed my confidence, ripped my ego and pride and crushed my heart. In short- it really fucking hurt. He was suppose to be my forever companion, my life, my love, and it ended before it really began. However, I do feel some emotion to him still- I hope he is happy, I hope he is doing well in life and is successful. I don't ever want to see him again, but I hope he is well. <br /><br />But after that ended, I didn't want to be hurt anymore. To give in to someone so fully and so completely only to have him turn around and destroy me was nearly unbearable. I survived the hurt, and I know now that come what may I will always survive. But maybe that way of thinking is not what I should be doing- survive always, yes, I was born to do so. But when it comes to love I can't do this on my own. I want this relationship with ragazzo to be successful, and I realize now that the key to this is to break down the walls and become more intimate with him. I need to let go of not wanting to be hurt and open up, but how does one do that? That is where the website let's me down, it doesn't get into how to get past that question. Sure you hear from everyone the same the little cliche "well it's different for everyone" and I can accept that, but can't you give me some examples and point me in the right direction? <br /><br />"Recognise that intimacy is a skill that takes practice. It is not always easy. It's OK to be apprehensive about it, but don't let that stop you trying. <br /><br />Recognise that achieving intimacy involves an emotional risk. If you open up to another, there is always the risk of being hurt if the other person does not react in an accepting way. Trusting the other with your feelings, however, will often lead to them opening up to you as well. If you always wait for the other to open up first, you may never achieve closeness. <br /><br />Even if the other person does not accept the thoughts and emotions you reveal, the relationship will often be better off for your honesty. Learning to manage the uncomfortable feelings you have when someone does not agree with you, without resorting to attacking or withdrawing, is an important skill. <br /><br />You can 'work' on your intimacy whether you have a partner who wishes to or not. It is never too late to begin again. When emotional distance has become a habit, relationship breakdown is increasingly likely. The risk to the relationship of not opening up is far greater than the risk of being honest. <br /><br />Challenge your limiting beliefs about masculinity such as 'Men are always in control' or 'Boys don't cry'. <br /><br />Seek out an individual or relationship counsellor if you need help with developing intimacy." <br /><br />That was from a website about men and their usual inability of intimacy. Odd, but it sounds more like me. Ragazzo is always asking me how I feel and things like that. I'm the one withdrawing and trying to be independent and strong. I am not balancing my 5 parts and I need to work on this. <br /><br />So I will, because I love Ragazzo, I want this to last and I want a family with him. I want a child, my desire for a kid usually comes and goes like a tide and ebb. But for the past couple of months it has been a continuous desire for a child. And I would love that child to belong to Ragazzo and myself. <br /><br />So I will become more open, and I will also post about the backyard. I'm going to recreate it and Ragazzo is already helping me. :-) <br /><br />Con affecto. <br /><br /><br /><br />Sent from my iPadAbsolutCheshirehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17239401390676000183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2972516453534148922.post-28704948902596255192012-02-17T14:38:00.000-07:002012-02-17T14:38:32.500-07:00D.048\12<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </span>I was given some handmade lotion some time ago and it really helped my dry skin- I seriously am not bred for this arid desert and since I can’t get the hell out of dodge just yet I must make do. This lavender lotion I was given was thick, like a whipped crème and it was amazing! So I have been researching handmade lotions ever since and was shocked by how easy it was.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </span>So after research and theories I put everything to the test and last night, after making it back early from class, I tried my first batch ever. I went with the beeswax lotion as my first experiment since the other recipe calls for more accurate temperatures in order for the ingredients to properly emulsify. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </span>I have mixed feelings about this batch. I used simple ingredients for my first experiment and know now that I need to try other carrier oils. I used Beeswax, Olive Oil, Coconut Oil, Essential Oil (Rose and Lemon) and Vitamin E oil. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Perhaps I should have tried something other than Coconut Oil. The Coconut Oil is described as “<span style="color: #e46c0a; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #E46C0A; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent6; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">This is a great oil for general moisturizing and serves as a protective layer, helping to retain the moisture in your skin. It also acts as a mild oil suitable for those with inflamed and irritated skin, and those with skin sensitivities. Coconut oil is without a doubt, the number one lather-producing agent used in soaps. And is the first choice for most people in the cosmetics and soap industry.</span>”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span><br />The Olive Oil is described as “<span style="color: #e46c0a; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #E46C0A; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent6; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">Olive oil is by far the most universal oils used for a multitude of purposes including cosmetics, as a carrier oil, for hair care solutions, and in cooking. It has a rich, full bodied flavor with a strong aroma and is golden brown in color. Has a great conditioning effect in body care recipes and can be used in almost all applications because of its stable nature.</span>”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I think I will have to research my carrier oils more thoroughly, and play around with the quantity of oil added to the recipe. This came out a little thick, but with a lot of oil. A little goes a long way, and it takes a while for all the oil to absorb into the skin. And I have extremely dry skin so while my arms feel better, my back and legs are still itchy. I think in a few days it’ll get use to the new lotion and will feel better; but still. I think, as much as I hate Almonds, I might have to get the Sweet Almond oil. Described as “<span style="color: #e46c0a; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #E46C0A; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent6; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">This is one of the most useful, practical, and commonly used oils. It is great for all skin types as an acting emollient and is best known for its ability to soften, soothe, and re-condition the skin. It is truly marvelous as a carrier oil and is equally superb for addition to body care products. Natural expeller pressed oil from raw almond kernels and exceptionally rich in fatty acids.</span>”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </span>It will be best to get a carrier oil with a good absorption rate, like Grapeseed Oil, which doesn’t leave any greasy feeling (8oz $4.47 MRH). Hemp Seed Oil (8.5oz $20 MRH) also absorbs well, Jojoba Oil (8oz $24.25 MRH), Kukui Nut Oil (8oz $7.25 MRH)- this is best found in Hawaii, and my parents are vacationing there currently so I think I’ll email them and ask them to find me a bottle, or two or three. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </span>Well, whatever. Perhaps tonight I will spoon the lotion into the blender and see what happens then. Also, this weekend I might steal Webby’s little boy Logan and spoil the hell out of him, he’s such a cute kid!! But, more importantly I will procrastinate on homework, again, and try the other handmade lotion recipe </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </span>I read that Avocado Oil yields a thick lotion, but it smells strongly of avocados, of course….</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </span>I LOVE THE INTERNET! Troubleshooting your lotion: </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </span><span style="color: #e46c0a; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #E46C0A; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent6; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">3. It’s too greasy. There are several possible solutions to this problem. One is to add some tapioca starch with the additives at the end. I’ve tried this, but it wasn’t my favorite solution. Another possibility is to substitute oils that are easier to absorb in your skin, such as sweet almond, apricot kernel, jojoba, macadamia nut, or fractionated coconut oil. As you can see, three out of five of these are nut oils which may pose a problem for people with allergies. Use your own judgment. Another option is to add some IPM (isopropyl miristate). It’s not an all-natural ingredient, but it’s not sensitizing either. It imparts a dry, velvety emollience to products. Try 1-3% as part of your additives.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </span>That’s fantastic! </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </span><span style="color: #e46c0a; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #E46C0A; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent6; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">For oily skins (well absorbed):</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in;"><span style="color: #e46c0a; font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #E46C0A; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent6; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">Grapeseed (very light)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in;"><span style="color: #e46c0a; font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #E46C0A; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent6; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">Hazelnut (an astringent)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in;"><span style="color: #e46c0a; font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #E46C0A; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent6; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">Jojoba (similar to sebum; really ALL skin types love this)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in;"><span style="color: #e46c0a; font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #E46C0A; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent6; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">For normal skins (absorbs well):</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in;"><span style="color: #e46c0a; font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #E46C0A; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent6; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">almond (light)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in;"><span style="color: #e46c0a; font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #E46C0A; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent6; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">apricot (light)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in;"><span style="color: #e46c0a; font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #E46C0A; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent6; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">Dry skin oils (sits on skin longer):</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in;"><span style="color: #e46c0a; font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #E46C0A; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent6; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">Avocodo (very heavy)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in;"><span style="color: #e46c0a; font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #E46C0A; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent6; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">Extra Virgin Olive (some normal skin people like this too)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in;"><span style="color: #e46c0a; font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #E46C0A; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent6; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">Coconut (too much can be too drying though)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in;"><span style="color: #e46c0a; font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #E46C0A; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent6; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">Macademia nut (absorbs pretty well, antiaging/fine lines, similar to sebum)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in;"><span style="color: #e46c0a; font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #E46C0A; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent6; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">Rosehip seed aka rose mosqueta (antiaging/fine lines, scars of all kinds) </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in;"><span style="color: #e46c0a; font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #E46C0A; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent6; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">Hemp seed oil is easy absorbed too.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Another good troubleshooting pointer.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Well, off to practice neuromuscular facilitation. Then shopping, then home, them relocation for the weekend, then sleep. ^__^</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Con Affecto.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">-me</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Beeswax Lotion</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-no-proof: yes;"><shapetype coordsize="21600,21600" filled="f" id="_x0000_t75" o:preferrelative="t" o:spt="75" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" stroked="f"><stroke joinstyle="miter"></stroke><formulas><f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"></f><f eqn="sum @0 1 0"></f><f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"></f><f eqn="prod @2 1 2"></f><f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"></f><f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"></f><f eqn="sum @0 0 1"></f><f eqn="prod @6 1 2"></f><f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"></f><f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"></f><f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"></f><f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"></f></formulas><path gradientshapeok="t" o:connecttype="rect" o:extrusionok="f"></path><lock aspectratio="t" v:ext="edit"></lock></shapetype></span><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br /></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br /></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-aafRG4S0fPI/Tz7H-Yzk0bI/AAAAAAAAAC0/KebI1ioTDUg/s1600/2012-02-16+21.42.32.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-aafRG4S0fPI/Tz7H-Yzk0bI/AAAAAAAAAC0/KebI1ioTDUg/s320/2012-02-16+21.42.32.jpg" width="320" yda="true" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Gather all Supplies:<br />Beeswax<br />Coconut oil<br />Olive oil<br />Vit E oil<br />Essential oil</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-no-proof: yes;"></span><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-FerMpsgX21s/Tz7H_72KYbI/AAAAAAAAAC8/2E5oklft3Do/s1600/2012-02-16+21.43.44.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-FerMpsgX21s/Tz7H_72KYbI/AAAAAAAAAC8/2E5oklft3Do/s320/2012-02-16+21.43.44.jpg" width="320" yda="true" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Combine wax, coconut and olive oil into jar and place into sauce pan, fill with water, but be sure not to get any water into the jar. Simmer on med heat until all melt, stir occasionally to mix liquids.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-no-proof: yes;"></span><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pjTREjpI6I0/Tz7IBHNCH9I/AAAAAAAAADE/veyZzlgZcwE/s1600/2012-02-16+21.44.26.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pjTREjpI6I0/Tz7IBHNCH9I/AAAAAAAAADE/veyZzlgZcwE/s320/2012-02-16+21.44.26.jpg" width="320" yda="true" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Once all melt remove from heat allow to cool. Can be placed in fridge to speed up cooling. Insert fork and mix thoroughly every 15 minutes.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-no-proof: yes;"></span><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-b3S63q_cvSw/Tz7IEDzZT4I/AAAAAAAAADM/fw9QdAQdoVs/s1600/2012-02-16+21.44.40.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-b3S63q_cvSw/Tz7IEDzZT4I/AAAAAAAAADM/fw9QdAQdoVs/s320/2012-02-16+21.44.40.jpg" width="320" yda="true" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Here one is already all melted and the second jar is in the process of melting.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-no-proof: yes;"></span><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nTUMkkcInSQ/Tz7IGnMpBGI/AAAAAAAAADU/lL2_gaQ5Xso/s1600/2012-02-16+22.14.05.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nTUMkkcInSQ/Tz7IGnMpBGI/AAAAAAAAADU/lL2_gaQ5Xso/s320/2012-02-16+22.14.05.jpg" width="320" yda="true" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I fished both these jars while watching Phantom of the Opera, I love that movie. Here are the finished results. Once the mixture has cooled down to room temperature, add the Vit E oil and your essential oil. In the one with the white fork I added only about 20 drops of rose oil and it smells nice. But the other one I wanted lemon scent, since the coconut oil is a strong scent to overpower I had to add a lot of lemon scent! And even then you could still smell the coconut, so that’ll take some tinkering.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Again, finished results were too greasy. Will tinker until I am happy. &lt;3</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Also- have a notebook where you write everything down!</span></div>AbsolutCheshirehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17239401390676000183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2972516453534148922.post-63861491873430468412012-01-22T01:40:00.001-07:002012-01-22T01:40:06.327-07:00find me<br> AbsolutCheshirehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17239401390676000183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2972516453534148922.post-59193386147991756952011-12-15T12:20:00.001-07:002011-12-15T12:20:45.220-07:00D.349\11<p style="MARGIN:0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT:115%;FONT-FAMILY:&#39;Arial&#39;,&#39;sans-serif&#39;;FONT-SIZE:12pt">The screaming and gunfire were deafening. The smell of blood, dust sweat and burning human flesh was overwhelming. Down the sight of my scope I saw the subhuman filth running across the street. Explosions surrounded me and a few times some very lucky shots landed in the concrete wall next to my head spitting up dust and rubble; still I didn't move.</span></p> <p style="MARGIN:0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT:115%;FONT-FAMILY:&#39;Arial&#39;,&#39;sans-serif&#39;;FONT-SIZE:12pt">"Convoy moving up the east end," Jack, my spotter, whispered as another lucky bullet whizzed overhead. "Damn it," he hissed. "Will you please kill that stronzo?"</span></p> <p style="MARGIN:0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT:115%;FONT-FAMILY:&#39;Arial&#39;,&#39;sans-serif&#39;;FONT-SIZE:12pt">I found said stronzo on top of a building down the alleyway with binoculars looking in our direction. He knew we were here somewhere but hadn't found us yet. I breathed out and squeezed the trigger just as he pinpointed us, dropped the binoculars and began pulling up his AK. His eyes narrow, a look of pure hate distorting his face as my bullet ripped into him, blowing out his lower thoracic vertebrae just blow his sternum. </span></p> <p style="MARGIN:0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT:115%;FONT-FAMILY:&#39;Arial&#39;,&#39;sans-serif&#39;;FONT-SIZE:12pt">"Target down…" the voices and sounds were fading. "RPGs spotted…" </span></p> <p style="MARGIN:0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT:115%;FONT-FAMILY:&#39;Arial&#39;,&#39;sans-serif&#39;;FONT-SIZE:12pt"> </span></p> <p style="TEXT-INDENT:0.5in;MARGIN:0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT:115%;FONT-FAMILY:&#39;Arial&#39;,&#39;sans-serif&#39;;FONT-SIZE:12pt">I opened my eyes and knew I was home. Rose, a German shepherd pit-bull mix had her nose pressed to mine. I sat up in bed and she pushed herself into my chest. I could still smell the blood and dust and burning human flesh. I could still hear the bullets next to my head. I could still see every person I killed. Rose licked my chin and I stood up, shaking my head to dislodge the memories. The house was dark and quiet as I silently made my way to the master bedroom. </span></p> <p style="TEXT-INDENT:0.5in;MARGIN:0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT:115%;FONT-FAMILY:&#39;Arial&#39;,&#39;sans-serif&#39;;FONT-SIZE:12pt">The full moon light poured into the bedroom, bathing the king-size bed in mercurial light. I sat on the floor, leaning back against the bedside; Rose snuggled into my lap and sighed. I reached under the covers and grasped my mother's hand, slowly extracted it and rest it on top of my head. </span></p> <p style="TEXT-INDENT:0.5in;MARGIN:0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT:115%;FONT-FAMILY:&#39;Arial&#39;,&#39;sans-serif&#39;;FONT-SIZE:12pt">"Are you okay?" Mother asked in a soft, barely audible whisper.</span></p> <p style="TEXT-INDENT:0.5in;MARGIN:0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT:115%;FONT-FAMILY:&#39;Arial&#39;,&#39;sans-serif&#39;;FONT-SIZE:12pt">"I'm okay, go back to sleep."</span></p> <p style="TEXT-INDENT:0.5in;MARGIN:0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT:115%;FONT-FAMILY:&#39;Arial&#39;,&#39;sans-serif&#39;;FONT-SIZE:12pt">She stroked my hair absently, chasing away the memories and keeping them all at bay.<br> <br>~~~<br><br></span><span style="LINE-HEIGHT:115%;FONT-FAMILY:&#39;Courier New&#39;;COLOR:#c00000;FONT-SIZE:12pt">I swear I have the strangest nightmares sometimes. But sometimes I really don't know what's worse: These types of dreams or the ones with the demons in them.</span><span style="LINE-HEIGHT:115%;FONT-FAMILY:&#39;Arial&#39;,&#39;sans-serif&#39;;COLOR:#c00000;FONT-SIZE:12pt"> </span><span style="LINE-HEIGHT:115%;FONT-FAMILY:&#39;Arial&#39;,&#39;sans-serif&#39;;FONT-SIZE:12pt"><br> <br>~~~<br><br>Mom was wrapping presents, sitting in her recliner and watching television. The day had passed and I was exhausted and sprawled on the couch beside her and slowly beginning to nod off. I was standing in a field; the sun was setting, casting the world around me in shades of orange and red. The breeze was hot and stank of sulfur making me turn to look behind me. Tall, black, void of definition and seething with malice, the demons were grinning, their eyes were just white circles, their grinning mouths glowing blood red and fire with serrated shark teeth. I was paralyzed as one reached out and stroked my hair back out of my eyes.</span></p> <p style="MARGIN:0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT:115%;FONT-FAMILY:&#39;Arial&#39;,&#39;sans-serif&#39;;FONT-SIZE:12pt">I jolted awake, nearly falling off the couch and mom was watching me. </span></p> <p style="MARGIN:0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT:115%;FONT-FAMILY:&#39;Arial&#39;,&#39;sans-serif&#39;;FONT-SIZE:12pt">"What happened?" She asked. "Your hair was moving back while you slept." </span></p> <p style="MARGIN:0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT:115%;FONT-FAMILY:&#39;Arial&#39;,&#39;sans-serif&#39;;FONT-SIZE:12pt">I stood up, still shaky and began to tell her what I saw, and standing there I fell asleep again and was back on the field, the demon reaching out to stroke my hair again.<br> <br>I opened my eyes, really awake- in my casita, Ahriman looking at me before putting his head back down and going to sleep again.<br><br>~~~<br><br></span><span style="LINE-HEIGHT:115%;FONT-FAMILY:&#39;Courier New&#39;;COLOR:#c00000;FONT-SIZE:12pt">In the sniper dream, it wasn't me; it was a young man who looked far too young to be in war. It always seems to be that way, the dreams like that is liking I am following some guy around. But in the demon dreams, or the dreams where I am alone in a huge empty city, those are me. I don't know why it is like that, but I suppose those are the ways that dreams work.<br> <br>It is interesting to see the dogs dream too, their legs twitching like they are running, and little whispered woofs and growls. Last night I even heard Ahriman suckling and Artemis wagged her tail, I never saw a tail wag in their sleep. Even Blaze twitches and mewls sometimes.<br> <br>It brings back a memory of my ex-husband. We were asleep when he lashed out and I woke up. He was turning back and forth and grumbling. I asked softly what he was doing and he answered "Trying to catch Boo."<br><br>"Why are you trying to catch Boo?" I asked.<br> <br>"To eat him." He answered then smiled. "Caught him."<br><br>Baffled I asked "And what does Boo taste like?"<br><br>"Strawberry ice cream."<br><br>I actually had to walk out of the room so I could laugh. I think it was around that time too, or maybe a few months later, I woke up before him because I had to get to work at 6:30. I got up, got ready and went back to the bed to grab my shoes when I heard a whimper. I looked over at him and he was reaching out patting the empty bed and whimpering more. I put out my hand and he grabbed it, pulling me down and wrapping himself around me in a death grip. I struggled and said I had to go to work and he just shook his head and said no. It was so cute, and I was really late to work.</span></p> <p style="MARGIN:0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT:115%;FONT-FAMILY:&#39;Courier New&#39;;COLOR:#c00000;FONT-SIZE:12pt"> </span></p> <p style="MARGIN:0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT:115%;FONT-FAMILY:&#39;Courier New&#39;;COLOR:#c00000;FONT-SIZE:12pt">Not all of those memories are so bad. But still they make me a little sad. Time to move away from romance books and movies for a while; really don't want to be depressed right now. But even thinking about it logically doesn't help: I just started my second to last term; I have no idea what is going to happen at the end of school- if I am going to remain in New Mexico or if I will be leaving to find a job in another state. Since I have Capstone this term and next term I really can't afford any type of distraction- I need to graduate with honors and the people that I am just seeing will be more than enough stress- if not more stress than I can handle since some of them are just so damn demanding of my time. <br> <br>And Jesse is right, just being with people for a day or two, one date or two, is lonely. But I still maintain that I am single and being with them is better than being alone 100% of the time. Why should I carry on seeing them if I already know that they are not what I am looking for? He says sometimes it takes more than a couple of time to really get to know someone, and okay I can kind of see that, but still… torn between I don't really want anything serious, but I am lonely right now, I am looking for my soul mate-and believing that they don't exist. </span></p> <p style="MARGIN:0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT:115%;FONT-FAMILY:&#39;Courier New&#39;;COLOR:#c00000;FONT-SIZE:12pt"> </span></p> <p style="MARGIN:0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT:115%;FONT-FAMILY:&#39;Courier New&#39;;COLOR:#c00000;FONT-SIZE:12pt">Okay… need to step back and focus on something else. Inventory, warehouse, or economics homework… I hate being in a funk like this.</span></p> <p style="MARGIN:0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT:115%;FONT-FAMILY:&#39;Courier New&#39;;COLOR:#c00000;FONT-SIZE:12pt"> </span></p> <p style="MARGIN:0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT:115%;FONT-FAMILY:&#39;Courier New&#39;;COLOR:#c00000;FONT-SIZE:12pt">To days to come,</span></p> <p style="MARGIN:0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT:115%;FONT-FAMILY:&#39;Courier New&#39;;COLOR:#c00000;FONT-SIZE:12pt"><span style> </span>All my love to long ago.</span></p> <p style="MARGIN:0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT:115%;FONT-FAMILY:&#39;Courier New&#39;;COLOR:#c00000;FONT-SIZE:12pt">/k8</span></p> AbsolutCheshirehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17239401390676000183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2972516453534148922.post-66538878682234747742011-12-07T14:59:00.001-07:002011-12-07T14:59:32.155-07:00D.341\11<p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: &#39;Arial&#39;,&#39;sans-serif&#39;; FONT-SIZE: 12pt">It's been a while since I've written anything; but life is like that. The September term just ended and December term is about to begin. This last term is the closest I have ever gotten to just walking out of ITT. They charge far too much money for sun par education and instructors who are mostly steaming piles of worthless shit!! Granted there are some instructors who go above and beyond what is called of them and they really do care about their students and really do help. I know they exist because I've had them as instructors. In fact it is because of one of these great instructors that I am still at ITT. In the last term of my associates my friend was having a really hard time with life and school and when I helped him out he messed up in a big way. Our case was thrown before the board and we were nearly kicked out but this one instructor stood up in our defense and with support of another instructor we were forgiven and heavily lectured. We didn't even know how much trouble we were in until this instructor said something. It scared me, but at the same time made me so happy that he stood up for us. For the longest time I always made it a point, when discussion of me going back to school came up, that I made the decision to go back because <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><u>I</u></i></b> was ready and that I was doing this strictly for myself and not for anyone else's benefit. The first couple of times I tried to go to college I wasn't ready, I was just trying to get people off my back and I ended up dropping out. So when I was finally ready (took a divorce, a drinking problem and a long time to claw my way out of the bottle again) I felt good about going to school. I chose ITT because I can't learn in big classes, and I need a lot of hands-on training. I chose Drafting and Design and Project Management because of the minute detail that must go into these career fields and because technology and me just don't get along. And for the first few years, yeah sure, there were some fucked up instructors but they were mostly good and I learned a lot. </span></p> <p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: &#39;Arial&#39;,&#39;sans-serif&#39;; FONT-SIZE: 12pt">But this last term was different. KRB never graded the homework and so no one did it. When it was about 2 weeks from the end of the term he said everyone was failing the class because no one was turning in work. At the end of the class (not many people got all the work turned in and I know I certainly didn't) he handed back grade reports (which we are supposed to be getting every week) <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>and I noticed that 85% of those assignments that I KNOW I didn't turn in I have grades for – A's, B's and C's. I made it out of that class with a B. Now, on one hand I am happy: We killed on the Project and while I had to teach myself everything about Risk Management because he's a shit instructor who can't teach for shit, I still learned a lot. The text books were good and the websites I found to help me with project turned out to be excellent supporting material. But it pissed me off that that SOB didn't grade the work, didn't lecture thoroughly, didn't make real world application and while I am paying them to attend their school they are trying to impose on the students a strict full allotted time with the consequence of failure to attend class if you leave early. Class was from 6pm to 1030pm. I work from 9:00am to 5:30pm on class days plus have other classes that I have homework for and need to study. If I am done with one class by 8:30pm why the hell are you doing to detain me? You are wasting my time and pissing me off. <br> <br>Anyways… ITT has gone to shit. And this term I very nearly left. But I am not just going for myself anymore. I owe it to the instructor who stood up for me and my friend. He put his job on the line by defending us, he stood up for us and for that, I need to finish this degree with better marks than I am getting. Back in high school I only made C's, D's and F's. I hated school and my parents thought I was going to be the same way in college, it makes logical sense. So they didn't want me to attend ITT (so much money and such a back track history) but I have been attending ITT since September 2008 and to date I only have 4 C's. Everything else is A's and B's. 4 C's out of 39 classes. </span></p> <p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: &#39;Arial&#39;,&#39;sans-serif&#39;; FONT-SIZE: 12pt"> </span></p> <p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: &#39;Arial&#39;,&#39;sans-serif&#39;; FONT-SIZE: 12pt">Ok, enough bitchin' about ITT. I rescued a kitten back in November, cute little bloke. Near death, cold, starving, fleas… I got him cleaned up, fed, and when he didn't die that night (or the following nights) I got him into to see the vet. Cleared out my bank account (damnit) but got him medicine and all healed up. The dogs just loved him, and he was a great kitty. Well, he left this morning with G… Went to his forever home and while I am glad he went to a great home (and I can go see him still) it's just sad. I adopted Jack and gave him away- saving him from the gas chamber. Critter was saved and given away to a family who lost a member to the war. Now Tidbit… ah well. I am deadbeat tired. Alarm went off at 0530, Vic left at 630, and I never went back to sleep. I am so tired and class with KRB tonight is until 1030pm…<br> <br>At least I had a good lunch- Molto Bene! </span></p> <p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: &#39;Arial&#39;,&#39;sans-serif&#39;; FONT-SIZE: 12pt"> </span></p> <p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: &#39;Arial&#39;,&#39;sans-serif&#39;; FONT-SIZE: 12pt">Cazzo- computer problems.</span></p> <p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: &#39;Arial&#39;,&#39;sans-serif&#39;; FONT-SIZE: 12pt"> </span></p> <p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: &#39;Arial&#39;,&#39;sans-serif&#39;; FONT-SIZE: 12pt">I wanna nap.</span></p> <p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: &#39;Arial&#39;,&#39;sans-serif&#39;; FONT-SIZE: 12pt"> </span></p> <p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: &#39;Arial&#39;,&#39;sans-serif&#39;; FONT-SIZE: 12pt">To days to come,</span></p> <p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: &#39;Arial&#39;,&#39;sans-serif&#39;; FONT-SIZE: 12pt"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1"> </span>All my love to long ago</span></p> <p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: &#39;Arial&#39;,&#39;sans-serif&#39;; FONT-SIZE: 12pt"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2"> </span>k8</span></p> AbsolutCheshirehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17239401390676000183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2972516453534148922.post-8326002251985643782011-09-01T15:24:00.002-06:002011-09-01T15:24:59.333-06:00D.244\11<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">So a couple of weekends ago my mom gave Brobro a CD with classical music and he said “Oh, Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture.” I chimed in saying I love that song and mom grabbed the CD back and said he could take the rest but she wanted to hear that now. I told her it was a great song, it ended so perfectly and Brobro said it wasn’t in the end, it was in the middle! So that leads to today, listening to music on my iPod as I wait for my girlfriend to bring my phone to me so I can watch Doctor Who and I came across the 1812 Overture, I knew I had it!!! So I am listening to it and just as it ends with a bang my brother walks in and I turn it up for him. As we were listening to it I said “I know V for Vendetta used this song, but even before that movie, this whole crescendo always made me happy and giddy and I just don’t know why.”<br />“That’s probably because of the firework show we went to when we were young in DC.” I looked at him curiously and he nodded. “Yeah, mom and dad took us to a firework show in DC and you know at the end when they have the huge showcase? Well they used this song and you were bouncy happy.”<br /><br />I don’t remember ever seeing Fireworks in Washington DC, but then again my memory isn’t the best in the world. But I can totally see me holding onto that song because of fireworks, I love fireworks as long as they are not directly above me. They are so spectacular to watch! <br /><br />Anyways, another nightmare last night, I don’t remember much from it, but I distinctly remember Ahriman died. It was so real- aren’t they all- that when I woke up I grabbed Artemis and buddle with her and when I felt movement behind me I was so ecstatic to see Ahriman that I turned around and cuddled with him. Hope that didn’t hurt Artie’s feelings, but I was just so happy, and he was happy, I fell back asleep with his tail thumping against my knee. <br /><br />Yesterday after work I went to go see Webby and her kids, I left my phone at their place, &gt;.&lt; imma dweeb that way, and so this morning I was so paranoid of not waking up in time I kept waking up and going back to sleep. I think I must have slept wrong at one point because my shoulder is just killing me. Wrist, elbow, shoulder, back, legs… maybe it’s just easier to say what doesn’t hurt really. <br /><br />I learned a card trick yesterday. I want to learn the 4 Kings trick, lots of tricks I want to learn. ^__^<br /><br />So I got my phone, got my rent, got my lunch and am just in so much pain!! I think I’ll stop by Wal-Mart on my way home and grab me some cherry juice and walnuts. It at least the walnuts because those help lubricate joints and I think that might be where all my pain is located at right now. LOL I was talking with my coworker and he said “You should just get into a padded cell, then you couldn’t hurt yourself…” trailed off thinking for a moment then shook his head. “No, never mind, you’d still find a way to hurt yourself wouldn’t you? Might as well have fun doing it.” <br /><br />Yeah that’s me, every day I hurt myself- not intentionally mind you, just scrapes, bumps, bruises, knocking my arms, knees, stubbing my toes. Hell it’s not even always my fault! The other morning I got kicked in the face when Ahriman was running in his sleep and Artie has head butted me a few times while rolling back onto her feet! ^_^ She sleeps on her back, legs up, tongue out and snores! And is a pillow hog.<br /><br />But anyways, I need to start writing again, just been so uninspired lately. And still fussing with the idea of apologizing- I do not believe in apologizing if you do not mean it, and I don’t regret what I said. I regret saying it when they all thought I was drunk… Well, it is my fault; for drinking, for stopping, and for not finding someone else to come pick me up. I know who to stay away from when I drink, but that night, I just couldn’t think of anyone else to come get me, and normally I would just wait in a park or somewhere until I either sobered up, or the bad vibe goes away- but that night…. Again, don’t regret what I said, I meant every fucking word of it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">To days to come,<br />/ac</span></div>AbsolutCheshirehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17239401390676000183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2972516453534148922.post-89615926339487164512011-08-20T23:15:00.000-06:002011-08-20T23:15:28.301-06:00girlfriends, boyfriends, cooking and kids<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><object width="320" height="266" class="BLOGGER-youtube-video" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" data-thumbnail-src="http://1.gvt0.com/vi/nAbCjQ6c_HU/0.jpg"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/nAbCjQ6c_HU&fs=1&source=uds" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><embed width="320" height="266" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/nAbCjQ6c_HU&fs=1&source=uds" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object></div><br />That's Paulie and Ayden on a vlog. Love Ayden, he's just so adorable! Logan is great too, Logan is 6 and today has to be one of the best memories I have thus far!! So Logan, Paulie and Webs and I are outside after dinner, kicking back some drinks, jamming to some tunes and playing with a spanish frisbee- really fucking cool -and Logan runs into the rocks to grab the disc and hops back saying he's got a rock on his foot and reaches down to pull it out only to reveal a goatheat- instantly busts out crying! I was trying so hard not to laugh but jesus it was funny! Was hopping around for like 30 seconds before crying! At least it got him to realize that's why mommy and daddy say "wear youre shoes outside!" Ah well, it was a fun night, Paulie made dinner tonight, Webs is looking a lot better from the other night when she was sick (as in yesterday) she's still not 100% but still. I read Logan his bed time story, told him about Doctors in the 15th century and about my necklace before putting him to bed. It was a great night, and tomorrow i'm taking them hiking (Paulie and Logan) at whitewash.<br /><br />This has been the best Saturday I've had in such a long time. So many times I had to keep reminding myself it was only Saturday. I love this. But now, lime ice cream, Full Metal Alchemist and then bed time. Long day tomorrow, and I can't wait to start it!<br /><br />to days to come<br />/acAbsolutCheshirehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17239401390676000183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2972516453534148922.post-42329986990438050712011-08-18T11:26:00.002-06:002011-08-18T11:26:46.633-06:00D.230\11<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Even though they tip over the garbage can, chew on shoes, shed like there’s no tomorrow and drool all over my nice work clothes (when I dare to bring them out) I have to say that owning dogs is a great blessing. Mainly for the things they don’t even know they are doing.<br /><br />This morning about 2:45 I heard gun fire and explosions, I jolted awake into the deafening silence, daring not to move, not to breath for fear of being shot- but the fear quickly abated when I noticed the dogs. Still asleep, snoring, whimpering- Artie, or muffled barking- Ahriman. I felt my heart racing, could feel a cold sweat and I shivered. A dream then… As long as they don’t freak out, I won’t freak out- barring bad nightmares. I still get chills when I think about that nightmare with Volpe, and every time I see him around the work building I smile- yeah sure he’s handsome- always did have a thing for redheads- but it’s just good to know he’s still alive. What’s worse- waking up screaming or crying, or waking up and having to tell yourself for hours “it’s only a dream, it was only a dream, everything is going to be okay.”<br /><br />Give me gunfire, explosions and beheadings any day.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">But anyways, it’s been a while since I’ve written anything. You’d think with these many nightmares it’d be a bit easier, Owl Woman sure thinks it would be. Maybe I’ll find an inspiring prompt today- maybe… maybe I should just work on my homework ^__^ it’s due final draft tonight, and I won’t have much time at work to work on it. Leaving at 3 to go get Logan from school today.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">My motorcycle is finally ready, now I am just waiting for AC to write up my bill, then Paulie is giving me a ride out to get my baby.<br /><br />To days to come,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">/ac</span></div>AbsolutCheshirehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17239401390676000183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2972516453534148922.post-13798706300969287722011-08-09T21:47:00.002-06:002011-08-09T22:02:55.178-06:00D.221\11Have you ever closed your eyes and fallen into REM sleep so fast that when you jolt awake- still paralyzed, freaking out, you could swear on whatever is dear to you that you were asleep for hours and hours and just want to be awake now... only to find out it's only been about 15 minutes?<br /><br />I was standing in the dark, pitch black, the absolute absence of light. Someone screamed and I felt a cold chill run up my spine. I stood stock still, my heart racing, so loud I was afraid whoever was out there could hear it pounding against my chest. Every cell in my body was screaming- Run! RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! So loudly that maybe it was someone actually screaming it.... and still, I stood still. Was I paralyzed with fear? Was I afraid that 'they' would know my location if I moved? Was I waiting to see how things played out? Another scream, this one louder, closer. Whatever it was it was closing in. I could hear foot steps, but even they sounded weird. It wasn't a bipedal coming after me, it has four distinct footsteps, muted, but still so distinctive. Like a hardpad dog on tile, and from the sound this creature was big- and I am not talking great dane or mastiff or wolf big... This sounded like a hound from hell- and though it's still black, in my mind I can see the pitch black creature with eyes so full of hell they drip fire and set the ground alight. With breath so rank of death and fire and brimstone that it scalded the flesh from the bone. With nails that click individually on the floor with every footstep: tap-tap-tap-tap... tap-tap-tap-tap.... tap-tap-tap-tap.... tap-tap-tap-tap... it's getting closer, I feel it. My soul is screaming, my mind rebels and finally I rush away taking a step in a direction I think is open and clear- only to feel the hard body of this hellhound, it's breath on my neck, burning, searing- I scream and...<br /><br />jolt awake, fall out of bed.<br /><br />fuck. I hate these nights.<br />/ac<br /><br />ooh, afterthought-<br />and i hate that i dont remember where i got this:<br />"Razors pain you,<br />rivers are damp,<br />acid stains you,<br />and drugs give you cramps,<br />Guns aren't lawful,<br />nooses gives,<br />gas smells aweful,<br />you might as well live."AbsolutCheshirehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17239401390676000183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2972516453534148922.post-27937695713463406342011-07-27T23:08:00.001-06:002011-07-27T23:17:52.488-06:00Thoughts- on bearing the soul<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">That’s what I see you know, in the center of it all- a small child, sitting on a large chair, not daring to move off the chair because it is safe on the chair. The child cannot get into trouble if stays on the chair, the child cannot fuck up, or mess shit up if it just stays on the chair. No one will make fun of the child if it just stays there, on the chair, hiding from everyone because no one can see it now. No one can yell at the child, tell it what it’s messing up again, saying it’s fucking up its life, or always doing it wrong, making so many mistakes, that it’ll never learn… That’s what’s there. In the middle of all the facades, under all the smiles, and the jokes, and the fake apathy. It’s a fucking little child, sitting on a chair, so afraid to get off the chair for fear is doing it wrong, for fear of falling- because no one has ever been there to help the child up, and the child thinks- why would they? No one will ever help a fuck up, no one ever has helped me, and no one ever will- why would they? And you don't want to see that terrified little thing because though you know logically that it's not true, the fear is paralyzing, the fear makes your breath hitch in your throat and makes you gasp. So you keep busy, piling on as much as you can get a hold of just to make sure you're left with no free time to even glimpse at that tiny little horror crying in the core of your soul- but you took on too much, and you begin to lose your grip- and you fail. You mess up. You fucked up again. Why can't you do the simplest fucking thing right?! And it's something so simple that you messed up- burnt the dinner, spilled the milk, broke a ceramic bowl- and you begin to tear up, begin to cry, and at first you don't know why you're crying. But you're boarding hysterical, you can't stop crying and then you hear it- gasping for breath, cowering, trembling, shielding itself from invisible blows that aren't coming but it expects it to. The little child, alone the chair, trying to be quiet, trying to shut up but it can't. It's revolting, but at the same time you want to hold it, coo and cuddle, 'shh, shhh, it'll be alright. I promise, this will be alright.' But it makes no difference, because the child cannot hear you. And you keep on crying.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Nightmares have a funny way of revealing themselves.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">To days to come,&nbsp;</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; All my love to long ago.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">/ac</span></div>AbsolutCheshirehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17239401390676000183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2972516453534148922.post-69062593093357040132011-06-30T13:51:00.000-06:002011-06-30T13:51:03.611-06:00D.181\11<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I am thinking maybe I should feel a little bad about what I posted on LBs fb… but the truth is, I just can’t. “An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind” but sometimes it’s the only way for people to open their fucking eyes and change! Oh that’s mean… ah well, it’s true. People don’t really change when they don’t think everything is okay, it’s only when they are on the precipice of losing everything<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span>that they find the will the change. Or logic to change. Of course that also contradicts what I believe- and that is that everyone is changing all the time. Every choice you make, every path you take changes you and makes you into someone you were not before. People say they don’t want to change but everyday they are changing; it’s just not always the right way to be changing.</span> And I think that's the point.<br /><br />What LB posted: “Not really caring if I piss you off or hurt your feelings today. I. Just. Don’t. Care.” To which Erin (LB’s ex gf) said “Have I ever told you that you’re SEXAY when you are angry? Lol!!!!” to which Vernon (LB’s current gf) said “Love the status… not the comment…” and here’s where I get myself into trouble “Which comment? That’s shes sexy when shes angry?... well… she is. And frustrated… that’s a sexy look on her… and giggly. She’s rarely giggly but that’s a golden moment I love to see every so often!!” <br /><br />LB texted earlier this morning saying “Apparently ur fb comment really upset sarah” and my initial response off the top of my head- thank god this was texting and not face to face- was ‘and? Your point is?’ … I am not jealous that LB is seeing someone, I’m happy when she’s happy, but this person, this Vernon is just grating my nerves. Personally I think out of everything I could have done this was harmless and true. LB is sexy, that’s just a commonly known factoid, and if Vernon wants to her panties in a twist because LB’s ex’s can still CLEARLY see she’s a sexy woman than that’s her fucking insecurities to deal with and get the fuck over because that fact will never fucking change!<br /><br />oh that was mean… hmmm… <br /><br />“She feels its overstepping bounds n felt it was really bad that u said that knowing she didn’t like erins comment. Disrespectful/spiteful? I dunno…”<br /><br />All I want to say:<br />Little Bit, I don’t care if she didn’t like it, I seriously couldn’t even pretend to give a rats flying fucking ass about what she likes or doesn’t like! She lives with her best friend who is straight and is pining after her and every time you go over there she throws a temper tantrum like a fucking toddler- no that’s insulting toddlers because they have their own little ‘right’ to do that, what she does is just fling disrespect at you and everything you have with Paco! And Paco! Holy flying fuck how many times has Paco been with you but catering to her BF’s temper tantrums and texting or calling her WHILE WITH YOU!? This even pisses you off!! I have no respect for the fucking ginger and frankly couldn’t care less how goddamn insecure the little bitch is- and she is insecure. She will not let go of her BF’s hand but refuses to have anyone compliment you? That’s fucked up LB, and I don’t care what you say about it- It. Is. Fucked. UP! You are a fucking sexy woman and I don’t care who is offended by my agreeing with Erin on that fact. YOU ARE FUCKING SEXY… I can’t imagine anyone who knows you denying that. Inside and out, you are, and you always will be. And let her be damned for putting that ‘boundary’ up that no one can say it.<br /><br />I won’t say that to her. I will not rescind what I previously said to her. <br /></span><span style="font-family: Germany;">“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Or better yet…<br /></span><span style="font-family: Belgium;">“Sticks and stones,<br />as hard as bones,<br />aimed with angry art…<br />Words can hurt like anything,<br />but Silence breaks the heart…”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So silence it is.<br /><br />To days to come,<br />/ac</span></div>AbsolutCheshirehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17239401390676000183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2972516453534148922.post-49626742400212339262011-06-13T12:26:00.001-06:002011-06-13T12:27:19.224-06:00D.164.11<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5oY0eyzE8X0/TfZVft_QMnI/AAAAAAAAACw/WzenY90UjhI/s1600/bloodredsky.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5oY0eyzE8X0/TfZVft_QMnI/AAAAAAAAACw/WzenY90UjhI/s400/bloodredsky.jpg" t8="true" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">(NOT MY PICTURE: this was sent to me in an email about the Wallow Fire in AZ)</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was a good weekend despite some potholes. Friday I wore a dress to work and everyone liked it, might make that a monthly thing. That night I went out for some drinks with Mike at Monte Vista Fire Station, one of my favorite bars, and it was nice. Once it began to get loud and crowded we left and decided to meet up at Billiard’s Palace, another favorite of mine, but Mike never made it. He texted, said he couldn’t find it and didn’t want to get a DWI so he went home. That was fine because as soon as I got there a cute- well, handsome, man who took over my tab. Peter, very nice. Made me feel good to be flirted with and then his friend Chris started flirting with me too. Made me wonder what would have happened if I had gone there in a dress and not grunge down into a vest and jeans. But we were all drinking, flirting, have a good ol’ time until Peter and I were getting ready to leave. Don’t know what sparked this but Chris takes a shot, I push Peter out of the way nearly get hit myself and shove Chris back. The bar owner, a small Armenian man, pulls Chris away from Peter and me and I drag Peter outside who is still completely oblivious as to what is happening. I later talked to Mary, the bartender, and asked what happened to make sure I didn’t owe anyone an apology but she assured me it was between Peter and Chris and that I just got in the way and tried to stop it. That sounds like me, I’m not a mean drinker, I am very happy and try to keep the surrounding area happy with me. I hate mean drinkers. But anyways-so Peter and I went to Taco Cabana, then back to my place and after some fun he left like all good toys should. It was a great, albeit dangerous, first couple of hours of my birthday. After some sleep, and a wicked hangover, I finally got up and started cleaning- which is all I wanted to do on my birthday was clean my casita. Started pulling everything out of the casita and piling it in the enclosed patio. Little Bit came over after going to Urgent Care for a bug bite or sting on her foot. She says Benadryl and other antihistamines never work for her and never make her tired- but this new medication made her giggly and giddy! She never giggles, but she’d just laugh and laugh and gasp for breath making these cute little hiccup sounds which made me laugh which made her laugh and it was just fantastic. Then she passed out. It was so cute.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8-OWwyQa1W4/TfZVcXvuKpI/AAAAAAAAACk/wYOudzqCt90/s1600/SnoozingLB.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8-OWwyQa1W4/TfZVcXvuKpI/AAAAAAAAACk/wYOudzqCt90/s400/SnoozingLB.jpg" t8="true" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-I_7vd3NMsso/TfZVecnERUI/AAAAAAAAACs/uuGHTrFt7ww/s1600/flyinglantern.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-I_7vd3NMsso/TfZVecnERUI/AAAAAAAAACs/uuGHTrFt7ww/s400/flyinglantern.jpg" t8="true" width="300" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She left when she woke up and after sunset I launched a flying lantern, I love those things, grabbed my laundry and went to the parents house with the dogs. Watched some Doctor Who and did most of my laundry. It was a good day, brobro called and left a message on my voicemail of him singing happy birthday, then my little sister called and sang to me as well. All in all I’d have to say that was the best birthday ever even with stupid Chris- which really is a pity because he was very handsome. <br /><br />BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!!<br /><br />Sunday was good too, I got home from laundry about 3am, fell asleep about 4-430 and slept until 11am. Continued cleaning threw away a lot of trash, played pool, drank beer, played assassins creed brotherhood and went finally turned in about midnight. Couldn’t sleep, but the window was open and the fan was on so I was lying there with my face in the moonlight, the slight breeze on my skin and the only sound was the crickets chirping… it was nice. Still didn’t sleep much, I am so tired today but the moon on my face last night had me feeling like I was asleep outside, and it was fantastic.<br /><br />Grades were posted, all A’s for me, and the new term starts this week, tomorrow for me. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday which I am happy about, no Saturday class for me! Have to get my bicycle rebuilt, my motorcycle fixed and I just bought a new light bulb for my headlight on my car. I should have bought 2 but didn’t have that much money. Ah well, anyways… </span></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Rqaup75jlOw/TfZVa7ktGmI/AAAAAAAAACc/3oVfbdhSfw8/s1600/xmasArtie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Rqaup75jlOw/TfZVa7ktGmI/AAAAAAAAACc/3oVfbdhSfw8/s400/xmasArtie.jpg" t8="true" width="300" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-o58rCz4mleU/TfZVbjm-EvI/AAAAAAAAACg/keWuP2tyEd8/s1600/OMCArtie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-o58rCz4mleU/TfZVbjm-EvI/AAAAAAAAACg/keWuP2tyEd8/s400/OMCArtie.jpg" t8="true" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kkDt6LFGFKs/TfZVdGoG1yI/AAAAAAAAACo/IeJjYn5rXuM/s1600/OMCAhriman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kkDt6LFGFKs/TfZVdGoG1yI/AAAAAAAAACo/IeJjYn5rXuM/s400/OMCAhriman.jpg" t8="true" width="300" /></a></div><div align="left" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">﻿</div><div align="left" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">﻿</div>Artie sure puts up with a lot from me, the xmas hat is in my car, and then the Coyote pelt fits her nicely. Ahriman was watching me dress her up and I put it on him next. They are Old Man Coyote!!! ^__^<br /><br /><span style="font-family: Calibri;">To days to come,<br />/ac</span>AbsolutCheshirehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17239401390676000183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2972516453534148922.post-11014002766103079662011-06-07T15:16:00.001-06:002011-06-07T15:31:33.151-06:00D.158.11<div align="left" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“I can’t believe you roped me into this Tony.” I hissed and pulled the camouflage uniform away from my neck. <br /><br />“Sorry Kat, it seemed like a good idea at the time.” He whispered, his small frame shivering slightly as we crept down the hallway.<br /><br />“Well, I was stupid enough to follow you.” I put my hand out to stop him, footsteps were getting closer and we quickly turned around and ducked into a small alcove as the footsteps turned another way and faded out. “Still,” I breathed a sigh of relief. “We need to get out of here now and away from this place.”<br /><br />“Yeah,” Tony nodded. “The door should be thirty feet from here on the right.” <br /><br />We stepped into the hallway again, ears straining to hear the smallest sound and we carefully picked our way to the door. Tony pulled a small bottle of WD-40 from his pocket and shot the hinges. We didn’t know if they’d creak or not but always better to be safe when hatching an escape plan. <br /><br />The door opened without a sound and we slipped off into the twilight. Staying close to the back of the building with the intention of following the wall until we reached the southwest corner, then shimmy down the rock face into the ravine below, a small sprint along the river and into the forest where we would go our separate ways from there. <br /><br />But as we reached the southwest corner there was a gathering of people and curiosity got the best of us. Tony walked ahead of me and starting chatting with someone about why they were all gathered there.<br /><br />“The troops are marching off to war,” the stranger said eyeing our uniforms. <br /><br />“We gotta get out of here,” I said but Tony sat down. I knew I should have left him there, but silly me, I stayed close by keeping an eye out as he chatted away with the stranger about the inner workings of this ‘army’. <br /><br />“So when are they supposed to be marching out?” Tony asked finally but before the stranger could answer there was a thunderous cheer as the main gates of the compound opened<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span>and the platoon marched out into the road heading our direction.<br /><br /><br />“Why the fuck do I wait for you?” I groaned and ducked behind a couple of chairs as the troop marched closer and closer. They stopped in front of the crowd, saluted, executed an abrupt about-face and stood in formation, their backs to us. The precision of the troop so perfect I could easily pick out which spaces Tony and I were suppose to be occupying. The leader, a sever looking woman in a black dressed and tight bun marched over to where Tony was sinking in his chair and she told him to get back into the formation. He jumped up and ran into his spot and as she turned to go she caught sight of me in the corner of her eye. <br /><br />“Come along kitty-kat.” She purred violently and I followed her back to formation and took my spot. She smiled at me as the formation turned and we headed off to the ‘lodging house’ for the night.<br /><br />I tried to keep close to Tony, our last escape plan didn’t work but our next one would. As people rushed around the lodging house getting ready for the night I was surprised to see no one turned on the lights. The house was cast in blue and black shadows and the roar of the troop was quickly toning down but no one was asleep, they were just disappearing. <br /><br />Tony was called to Madame Leader’s room for a talk, he chuckled saying he was going to get a scolding for our escape attempt and handed me his Nintendo DS and left. A few minutes later I was called into her room and as I entered there the air felt thicker in my lungs.<br /><br />She held out her hand. “Give it to me,” she said in a sharp voice. “I know he gave it to you.” <br /><br />In my pocket I could feel my cell phone that Tony was able to get back to me after Madame Leader took it, and his DS. I handed her the DS and she took it looked it over and handed it back to me. <br /><br />“Where is it?” She asked again. “I know he gave it to you Kitty.”<br /><br />I looked around trying to figure out what she meant.<br /><br />“He can’t help you now sweetie,” she smiled viciously. “He’s… sleeping… on the gurney next room over.” She chuckled when I took a step back. <br /><br />“What do you want?” I asked… then woke up.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br /></div><div align="left" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">~~</span>﻿</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ibqLgMGUYa0/Te6Uv_d2PZI/AAAAAAAAACU/62-8mY-0xMU/s1600/nosandia.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ibqLgMGUYa0/Te6Uv_d2PZI/AAAAAAAAACU/62-8mY-0xMU/s400/nosandia.jpg" t8="true" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-bak_A_K71TY/Te6Uw0weSTI/AAAAAAAAACY/bqe5RITfaXg/s1600/bloodysky.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-bak_A_K71TY/Te6Uw0weSTI/AAAAAAAAACY/bqe5RITfaXg/s400/bloodysky.jpg" t8="true" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Strange dreams always, nightmares, but whatever. I have to remember to keep writing them down, maybe one day turn them into a novel or something. I tired to go back to bed a lot this morning, willing to be late to work, I desperately wanted to know why she needed me, what it was I was supposed to have. Why did she kill Tony, was everyone else dead? I tried and tried and tried but Artemis and Ahriman were having none of my snoozing they trampled me out of bed.</span><br /><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">ah well <br /><br />Arizona is on fire and the smoke is flooding into Albuquerque, choking the sky, making the sun a bloody mess and making the mountains vanish. <br /><br />And brobro… “It reminded me of the sandstorms in Iraq”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Be well my brother.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">To days to come,<br />/ac</span></div><div align="left" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">﻿</div>AbsolutCheshirehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17239401390676000183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2972516453534148922.post-42090072726416122752011-05-27T13:23:00.000-06:002011-05-27T13:23:00.926-06:00D.147.11I saw some reviews on a few places to drink:<br /><br />Apothecary Louge:<br />not cheap, dress code, but located on top of a haunted old hospital! I badly want someone to go with me, dress up and just have a good time! Of course that means finding a dress... oh I do so ever LOVE playing pretend!!!<br /><br />Charlie's Back Door:<br />cheap, dark, hole-in-the-wall place that boasts a Scottish/New Mexico theme. God I wanna go but I hate attending places alone.<br /><br />I was thinking of taking the Dumb-dumb with me, but seriously, if I talk to him again I think I might sucker punch him into the next century. I don't wanna ask Little Bit, Bear is out of state, Dragonfly is busy, Little John will get the wrong impression, Henny's wife won't let him, Rabbit is depolyed, Buu is back in Callie... v.v<br /><br />so I am thinking a Strictly Platonic post on CL. <br /><br />I just want a drinking buddy!! Chat, text or whatever, but maininly..... Oh... I forgot about Princess Di... I wonder if she'd have the money to go with me because I sure as shit don't want to be paying for someone else's drinks- ya know, unless it was someone I cared about, which really is only about 2 or 3 people. <br /><br />oh my tummy hurts.<br /><br />and i've got homework to finish.<br /><br />ok.<br /><br />To days to come,<br />/acAbsolutCheshirehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17239401390676000183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2972516453534148922.post-46941995914299312872011-05-25T20:17:00.001-06:002011-05-25T20:22:10.347-06:00i dont know - NightmaresShe hugged herself against the cold chill that crept up her body though a warm wind swam past her. <br /><br />"I don't want to hear it anymore." she said to the man following her.<br /><br />He stopped, his red hair spiking up in the wind and he frowned. "But I'm here now," he pleaded. "I'm here, and I love you. I've always loved you, I knew I loved you from the moment I first laid eyes on you." He smiled fondly at the memory. "You were lying there in my bed, curled up against a pillow, your body contorted in a way much like a cat that I assumed couldn't have been comfortable. You were beautiful, are beautiful, and I thought 'it's not right, it can't be true, the world doesn't stop spinning and time doesn't stop when you meet someone.' But it did when I saw you, and you had my heart. I brushed your hair away from your eyes as you slept, you turned into my touch and smiled, and at that moment you affectedly had my soul as well."<br /><br />She shook with un-spilled tears, shaking her head to dislodge the memories from the past. "No, it's different now. You made your choice, you left and you can't come back."<br /><br />"But-"<br /><br />"How do you think this feels for me!?" She spun around, venom in her voice aimed to kill and she thought briefly on exactly how thin the line was between love and hate. "Six years!" she hurled at him. "Six years with no word, with no contact with nothing! Six years and I was FINALLY forgetting the angles of your body, the softness of your hair, the feel of your lips against my own, the feel of your fingers-" she sobbed and turned away. "You left and I broke, and I've been trying so hard to fix myself."<br /><br />"But..." he sighed. "But I'm here now." he licked his lips. "I'm here, and I... I love you. Isn't that enough?"<br /><br />She snorted and curled her lips in a bitter upward motion. "It would have been," she turned enough for him to see her vicious smile. "But that was a long time ago." And warmed by her hate she left him standing in the dark.<br /><br /><br /><br />---------------<br /><br /><br />"You can be a kind person sometimes, and a generous person sometimes.... but I've known you your whole life, and I've never known you to be a forgiving person."<br /><br />Some days I wish to whatever g-d will listen that my nightmares just stay in the realm of demons, monsters, of wandering endlessly in the darkness or running through an empty city, or over the plains under a starless sky.... but these.... these i fear i am not strong enough to handly....<br /><br />to days to come- all my love to long ago....<br />/acAbsolutCheshirehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17239401390676000183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2972516453534148922.post-40559213413695727792011-05-23T17:14:00.002-06:002011-05-23T17:14:20.616-06:00D.143.11<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ah goodness, it’s been a while since I’ve written. What a time it’s been. The casita is being built out, when it is finished I’ll post the pictures of its phases. Saturday was spent painting the casita build out and Sunday was spent hiking with my cousins- a well work out, but I made newbie mistakes and suffered for it. Every time I go hiking I always go off trail, so I always expect to come back battered, bruised and scraped, that’s nothing new. But stupidly I went in a skirt and because I couldn’t spread my legs enough to get a good grip on a boulder (wow my mind hit the gutter as soon as I typed that out) I lost my footing and my holding and I fell backwards. Caught myself on a edge but off centered and fell back down another ledge. Jarred my right leg and got a huge bruise on the bottom of my heel. Ouch. Then while stepping into water isn’t too bad, I didn’t dry my shoes out like I should have and ended up chaffing my big toe so bad I got 4 blister, 2 each at the base of both big toes!! </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But moving on…<br /><br />Outlander is a fantastic book. I haven’t been able to put it down!! It’s inspired me to write another ad for CL personals and to update the one I have on okcupid.com.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Maybe I’ll have better luck.<br /><br />To days to come,<br />/ac</span></div>AbsolutCheshirehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17239401390676000183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2972516453534148922.post-33132751830393656012011-05-18T15:34:00.001-06:002011-05-18T15:34:52.966-06:00D.138.11<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><a href="http://www.g4fon.net/"><span style="color: purple; font-family: Calibri;">http://www.g4fon.net/</span></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Courier New&quot;; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;">John sat at his desk, the past two weeks had been so slow at work that feared losing his job. All the interns did really, but he needed this job badly. The Iraqi war had taken a lot out of him and in the past year of being home this was the longest job he’d been able to retain. They were good to him, allowing his therapy dog to come to work with him; of course it wasn’t like they could really say no, a service dog is a service dog. Duke was laying on the floor, shoulder pushed into his calf reassuringly, always keeping the darkness at bay.<br /><br />“Did you get those inventory sheets done, John?” a voice over his shoulder asked. <br /><br />“Their in your inbox Gracie,” he responded to the young woman sitting at the desk behind him. “I did them four hours ago.” He smirked and felt a wad of crumpled paper hit his shoulder and he chuckled. “Are you still reading that book?”<br /><br />“No,” she said coyly and then snickered. “I have not read it all day, I have no progressed half way through it, Black Jack is not killing the rouges and Irene is not falling desperately in love with him.”<br /><br />“Well, you know what they say about women who read romance novels,” he sighed and though he didn’t look back at her, he knew she was glaring daggers at him. He shrugged, “I didn’t do the scientific study, Gracie, I just read it.”<br /><br />Another wad of paper hit him.<br /><br />They fell back into silence and John went back to the inventory to recheck it, yet again. It was still two hours from the end of the day and time was dragging by like a fish out of water. <br /><br />dit-dit dah-dah<br /><br />John tapped his pencil on the desk.<br /><br />dah-dit-dit-dit dah-dah-dah- dit-dah-dit dit dah-dit-dit</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Courier New&quot;; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;">John sighed heavily and repeated his tapping.<br /><br />“I don’t care that you’re bored,” Gracie hissed after a minute. “Stop that tapping. Or at least stop repeating yourself.”<br /><br />John blinked. “Excuse me?”<br /><br />Gracie groaned under her breath and grabbed her pencil to tap on the desk back.<br /><br />dit-dit dah-dit-dah dah-dit dah-dah-dah dit-dah-dah dah-dit-dah-dit dah-dah-dah dah-dit-dit dit<br /><br /><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I know code</i><br /><br />John spun around in his chair. “I think I love you!”<br /><br />Gracie laughed and went back to reading. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Calibri;">~~~~~<br /></span><span style="font-family: &quot;Century Gothic&quot;, &quot;sans-serif&quot;;">I am not fluent in code, but I remember I was in study hall once, sitting in the far back and this guy a few desks over was tapping on his desk. It was so annoying until I realized it was just random tapping. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Dit-dit-dit dah-dah-dah dit-dit-dit </i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp;</span>I had to think on that for a moment then realized S O S so I tapped back dah-dit dah-dah-dah N O he burst out laughing and nearly got in trouble. I think his name was Josh, he was a cool guy. I had forgotten about code and that memory for a long time. This morning I found a sight that is helping me understand morse code better. Why? No reason really, I’m bored. Monday was the last day for violin lessons, Tuesday was the last knitting class and while I do have finals to study for, and homework to do and still violin to practice, I something new to learn. Morse Code is a language all in itself, so I figured why not. I got a few websites to help me out and a couple of applications on my phone to help me memorize it. When would I ever need any of this? I doubt I ever will, but who knows. </span></div><br />To days to come,<br />/acAbsolutCheshirehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17239401390676000183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2972516453534148922.post-44188796657984544262011-05-16T14:24:00.000-06:002011-05-16T14:24:25.915-06:00D.136.11<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-LFgy2oohGOw/TdGA_UAaNLI/AAAAAAAAACQ/ZN8xbKIeutQ/s1600/SUCKERARTIE.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" j8="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-LFgy2oohGOw/TdGA_UAaNLI/AAAAAAAAACQ/ZN8xbKIeutQ/s400/SUCKERARTIE.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><span style="font-family: &quot;Courier New&quot;;">I got this picture of Artie some time ago, but just recently found it again. She is learning the command "hold this" and when I saw this it reminded me of a trend I saw back in my high school days where teenagers had binkies. I remember thinking, 'whats up with that?', people and their trends, very odd.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: &quot;Courier New&quot;;">Anyways, today is my last violin class until I get the money to go again. So expensive, but well worth it. Calluses are starting to form on my index and middle finger but I am so happy that I am finally learning that nothing like that matters. When I was growing up I always chewed my fingernails, I do not know what started it, but as an end result of having ‘cannibalized’ the fingers the nail bed suffered so that it’s short and always will be short. This makes it look very weird when the nails are growing out and for the longest time I hated it. But now it’s a tremendous help. I have heard of violinist breaking their strings because their nails are too long, even when they cut them all the way down to the nail bed, their nail beds are so long that it still interferes- granted a lot of people work around this and never have any problems, but I find it a big help for myself personally. I am not aiming to be a world’s best violinist- I just want to play to be able to bring music into my life. I am happy with that.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: &quot;Courier New&quot;;">I am nearly done with my hat that I am knitting. If I didn’t have Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood to play I probably would be done already. But that game is so addicting! I’m currently trying to kill 20 French guards without being detected and it’s tough. Granted it would probably be easier if I didn’t keep drinking whilst trying to accomplish this task but still. And then the final game of this series is coming out this autumn!! I can hardly wait!!! W00T!!!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: &quot;Courier New&quot;;">Also, Doctor Who has me in a tizzy with all the theories running rampant through my head. That is a fascinating storyline they have arcing all over the place. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: &quot;Courier New&quot;;">But, anyways, my head still hurts, I am mega tired and I need to work more. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: &quot;Courier New&quot;;">To days to come,</span><br /><span style="font-family: &quot;Courier New&quot;;">/ac</span>AbsolutCheshirehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17239401390676000183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2972516453534148922.post-52061355749284823232011-05-11T11:43:00.000-06:002011-05-13T14:36:41.525-06:00D.131.11Okay I am really loving knitting! I already have so many ideas in my head about what I want to make next- in fact I am thinking about just buying a bunch of needles and starting multipal projects. How very ADD of me.<br /><br />One such project is a poncho like the one below, notes, this is taken from <br /><a href="http://www.knitty.com/ISSUEfall03/PATTponcho.html">http://www.knitty.com/ISSUEfall03/PATTponcho.html</a><br />THIS IS NOT MY WORK- but it is fantastic.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-fewmq50-QjY/TcrLX101qZI/AAAAAAAAAB8/Q8-0X_6tCR0/s1600/villaBEAUTY.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" j8="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-fewmq50-QjY/TcrLX101qZI/AAAAAAAAAB8/Q8-0X_6tCR0/s640/villaBEAUTY.jpg" width="394" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1MM0g3eoppI/TcrLZD92F1I/AAAAAAAAACA/QyFKodJbdDA/s1600/villadetail.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="182" j8="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1MM0g3eoppI/TcrLZD92F1I/AAAAAAAAACA/QyFKodJbdDA/s320/villadetail.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7dPz87xBuTg/TcrLaFLi0JI/AAAAAAAAACE/A4SXgdiU618/s1600/villafoldarrow.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="157" j8="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7dPz87xBuTg/TcrLaFLi0JI/AAAAAAAAACE/A4SXgdiU618/s320/villafoldarrow.gif" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-rO_MZ4QaJ_0/TcrLbYcylxI/AAAAAAAAACI/HsFw2hR3FFQ/s1600/villaseamarrow.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" j8="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-rO_MZ4QaJ_0/TcrLbYcylxI/AAAAAAAAACI/HsFw2hR3FFQ/s1600/villaseamarrow.gif" /></a></div>I was thinking about making it Tardis Blue, just one tone, and then stitching on a green moon and some a felt cat or two. If my sister wants it I'll give it to her but I'm not mentioning it to her just yet. <br /><br />Another idea is a Christmas stocking hat like below. But mine would be long and would have a bell or two attached at the end. <br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6TueeWkjuBU/TcrMrlETDaI/AAAAAAAAACM/j2fodWKBWTk/s1600/StockingHat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" j8="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6TueeWkjuBU/TcrMrlETDaI/AAAAAAAAACM/j2fodWKBWTk/s1600/StockingHat.jpg" /></a></div>Yet another idea was a tanktop, pretty much just a tube top really nd have the straps able to be buttoned on. <br /><br />I love all these ideas.<br /><br />Okay, my back is killing me, and I am hungry. I am off for today.<br /><br />To days to come,<br />/acAbsolutCheshirehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17239401390676000183noreply@blogger.com0