This patient support community is for discussions relating to the challenges of parenting teens (age 12-17), including physical, emotional, and cognitive development, handling peer pressure, activities & sports, choosing a college, and relationships.

17 Year Old Teenage Daughter

Hello, I have hit my brick wall. I am going to lay the last 3 1/2 years out and if anyone can just tell me what to do, It would be greatly appreciated. At 14, my daughter came home drunk for the first time. She was grounded. At 15 (10th grade), she was kicked out of school for bringing alcohol to school, no consumption, it was for after school. Her consequence, she was not allowed to get her drivers license until she proved she would no longer drink. She did (or so we thought she had stopped). She was able to get her license. Six months later she drove home drunk, crashed her car and forever changed her life. She was alone in the car and injured no one else by the grace of God. She was assessed by a drug and alcohol counselor who assured us her behavior was typical for a teenage and she did not have a problem. Since then she has come home drunk, completely disrupted our home, sneaks out of the house to spend the night with a guy she is seeing and doesn't not display a good role model image for her 14 year old sister. We have tried everything from counseling to grounding cuttiing off her phone etc etc..We finally agreed to 3 simple rules. Curfew 12:30, no sleeping out, no drugs or alcohol and life would be great. If broken she has to move out after graduation. She will be then be 18. She as broken the rules. I have told her she needs to be out as of June 17th. She has responded that we don't love her and this is all our fault because we don't give her any freedom. Today, she expects me to pay for her hair appointment and drive her there. I don't want to. How much am I expected to give as a parent without getting anything in return? Can someone please tell me what to do.....

There is a pill that you can get her to take every morning that WILL keep her from drinking. Google it and you can see what it is. Anyway, it will make her so sick the first couple swigs of alcohol that she won't do it anymore. That's a daily thing.

In general, how else is she doing? She sounds like she's going to school and is on track to graduate. Does she still have nice girlfriends? In general, does she have a good reputation? Is she doing positive things after school or at church, sports, stuff like that? Is she trying to get along with you by acting agreeable and somewhat respectful?

The worst thing here, IMHO, is that she completely give up and ruin her life by getting pregnant or moving out with this guy and dropping out of school, dropping out of respectable life, etc.

Other than drinking so much, if she's still managing most of her life, I'd be inclined to keep giving her more chances. As the mother of young adult sons, I've witnessed a lot of kids completely fall apart at this stage and wreck their potential.

just kick her out she'll learn life is hard tell her to get a job and do things for her self, im 19 and have kept a job since i was 16 and i got a second job when i graduated at 17 i live with my fiance and fixing to have our first baby in september but i had the rules laid out to me a couple times and i mean my parents literally beat me when i did something stupid like get drunk or not come home and honestly i respect them for it they made me into a great person dont be afraid to be harsh on her she will respect you later

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