Justin Bieber Apparently Spent $7,000 On One Stripper, Still Can’t Afford A Shirt

You guys, I think I figured out why Justin Bieber never has the money to buy enough shirts to wear or to provide for the exotic animals that people keep inexplicably giving him. It’s because he’s spending too much money on strippers, if this story is to be believed. Like way, way too much.

According to InTouch, Justin spent some time at an alcohol-free strip club in Houston recently, and he dropped ten thousand dollars. (And before we move on, can we all just acknowledge that an alcohol-free strip club is one of the most depressing concepts I’ve heard of since I found out that Jon Gosselin DJs for middle school dances now? I mean given, it’s good that Justin didn’t get caught drinking again, but what are people doing in a strip club if they can’t use the excuse of alcohol?) But apparently The Wee Biebs wasn’t as challenged by the tragic nature of the location as I am, because he was able to get rid of that $10,000 in less than ninety minutes.

The strip club was called VLive — charming — and the amount that Justin spent there is confirmed by an exotic dancer named Diamond, who says she performed for him:

“I walked away with $7,000. A few other girls split the rest.”

Sorry, I know that went by quickly, so just want to make sure you caught it. A sober, clear-headed Justin Bieber in an alcohol-free strip club spent seven thousand dollars making one human being’s butt shake in front of his face.

“He grabbed my butt and asked if it was real, and smiled when I said yes.”

Good, great. That sounds like a real thrill for Justin. I bet he couldn’t sleep for weeks after grabbing a real live stripper’s butt. But does he have any idea how many shirts he could have bought for $10k? Like five…assuming you only need two of them dipped in platinum and the other ones can be dipped in gold. You have to think these things through, JB, and not just get distracted by your unreleased song playing over the sound system at a strip club.

“That was when he made it rain. He went crazy!”

I bet he did. He must have soberly grabbed so many butts. Talk about an amazing weekend.