TIME MARCHES FORWARD, STILL DEPRESSING

Warriors point guard and noted cool dude Baron Davis celebrated his 29th birthday Saturday night at the Hotel Sofitel in West Hollywood, which was co-hosted by his friend, noted Alba impregnator Cash Warren. I read on a million gossip blogs that it was a surprise party, although how you have a surprise party with a red carpet is beyond me, and I've got a mind like a bear trap. Assuming you dropped the bear trap a lot when it was new and left it to rust in a vat of whiskey for ten years.

And yeah, that hot chick who can't act was there. Only she's not really hot any more, so she now has zero marketable skills. Well, except baby-making. But that's not really a growth industry.