Monday, January 30, 2012

If this report about the Yankees having "serious talks" with Bill Hall is someone's idea of a joke, it's not fucking funny.

Bill Hall as an option for a backup utility infield role with the Yankees is like the Bill Hall of options that the Yankees could choose to fill their backup utility infield role. Bill Hall is the Bill Hall of utility infielders. It's almost a gross overstatement to even refer to Bill Hall as a utility infielder, because lately the only two skills he seems to possess are the ability to strike out a lot and the ability to make the routine play at third base look impossible. He offers practically the least useful utilities out of any list of candidates you could construct from anybody and everybody who has ever played the game of baseball.

Yes, I understand any offer he gets will likely be a non-guaranteed MiL deal, so there's no need for me to be this dramatic. But that's exactly why I don't want him around. Even if he's in Triple-A, he's a menace. Balls bouncing off his glove from every angle could potentially hit and injure players in the dugout and fans in the first few rows on stands. I wouldn't even hire him to work as a vendor in Yankee Stadium for fear that he would start dropping full sodas and bottles of beer on people. Bill Hall can in no way be associated with the New York Yankee organization in 2012.

"I thought that was kind of in their plans. He [Montero] helped their plans come to fruition by the way he played that last month of the season. I didn't really ever think he was going to be their catcher of the future but maybe."

"Kind of in their plans?" You don't think he was the catcher of the future "but maybe?" Who are you, fucking Peter King?? Word of advice, Bob. If you aren't up to snuff on somebody or something or some team, then do the right thing and keep your mouth shut. I thought we covered this last time. Don't say stupid stuff just to be quoted.

"I don't know what the Yankees are doing... "

Obviously. Hence the need for you to be quiet.

"I thinkBrian (Cashman) is a real smart guy, one of the great managers in the game of baseball, and I don't know what his plan was."

And you weren't supposed to. Nobody was. That's how Cash operates and that's why he's one of the great GENERAL managers in the game of baseball. If you or anybody else would have gotten wind that he was trying to make the moves he did, that could have had an effect on how the whole thing played out. It was brilliant strategy and smart business.

But seriously, Bobby, can you just get off Cash's dick? Can you get off the Yankees' dick? For 5 seconds maybe?? Your team just traded your starting shortstop for a guy who posted a 9.42/5.61 ERA/FIP split in FUCKING TRIPLE-A LAST YEAR. His career tripleslash at the Major League level is 5.12/5.58/4.74 with 4.74 K/9 and 3.69 BB/9. And you're about to lose out on Roy Oswalt to the Cardinals. You've got bigger things to worry about than commenting on the Yankee rotation and what their plans are/were/could have been/should have been with Jesus Montero.

Yes, the Yankees' moves this offseason have made your team's efforts look even worse than they look on their own as they try to copycat Cash's success with Freddy and Bartolo from last year. But your approach to address that issue should not be to comment on what the Yankees did and the questions you have about it. Worry about your own team and leave the idiotic, baseless, cookie-cutter analysis of the Yankees to John Kruk and the rest of the BBTN clowns that are still employed by ESPN.

Now that everything has been made official with the Michael Pineda trade and the Hiroki Kuroda signing, the next big thing to wait for will be their introductory press conference. Part of the fun of the intro presser is seeing new players put on the Yankee uniform and hat for the first time, and part of the fun of the new unis is seeing what jersey number new players will get, as numbers tend to be at a premium when somebody joins the Yankees and what they wore for their old team might not be available. This year, both Pineda and Kuroda look like they're going to be searching for new ones.

Pineda wore #36 last year for the Mariners, but that number was worn by Freddy Garcia last season for the Yanks and will likely be assigned to him again in 2012 as he doesn't appear to be as likely to be traded as A.J. or Phil Hughes. If Pineda is real hung up on the 36 thing, he won't be able to split it as a Yankee, as both 3 and 6 are off limits for obvious reasons, although 6 has yet to be officially retired. He could reverse it and wear 63, which has been vacated by Jesus through the trade, but that number would be better served as one on hold for a Triple-A call-up. My guess is that Pineda will wear #38, which will be available as Luis Ayala won't be back with the team this year. It's the closest to 36 with 37 being retired, and it's a pretty damn good number. It also doesn't have a ton of "great" Yankee history, so Pineda can start his own legacy for it.

Hiroki Kuroda's #18 was occupied by Andruw Jones last season and stands to be assigned to Jones again this season. And Kuroda might have a long way to travel from 18 to find something he likes. If he goes down the road he's blocked by Francisco Cervelli at 17 and the retired duo of Whitey Ford and Thurman Munson at 16 and 15. If he goes up the road, he's looking at Ramiro Pena at 19 and then the just recently-vacated #20 of Jorge Posada. I don't think the Yankees are going to be giving that number up any time soon before they retire it along with Torre's 6, Jeter's 2, and Mo's 42. So the next best bet would be #22, which was used multiple times last year for Greg Golson and Brien Gordon. That's a good pitching number, and it's got some good history as a Yankee, so it makes sense to give it to Kuroda.

If either of these guys is really tied to their number, we could see some clubhouse wheeling and dealing once training camp starts. Freddy Garcia and Ramiro Pena seem like reasonable dudes; maybe they'd be open to a good offer. But if those talks stall, you heard it here first. Pineda wearing 38 and Kuroda wearing 22 in 2012.