Mid East Peace Again

2005-02-09

Category:politics

Finally, the Israelis and Palestinians have agreed to stop killing each other and to live in peace and harmony. The new head honcho of the Palestinians, Mahmoud Abbas, has shaken the hand of Israeli Prime Guy Ariel Sharon. If that doesn?t say ?Peace? I don?t know what does.

If they really do have peace, all of President W?s fundamentalist Christian supporters will be confident that their president has brought peace to the Holy Land. That?ll prove that God is on their side once and for all. Perhaps they will even show a little humility in their gloating. (One could assume the Israelis and Palestinians recognized that Bush may be looking for some place to go after Iraq.)

Of course, nothing is ever that simple. The militant Palestinian group Hamas, you know, the ones that actually do the really heavy violence, they say that the cease-fire doesn?t include them. So basically there is a cease-fire type peace agreement among the people who don?t actually do the shooting. Why do I think that?s a bad thing?

There have been peace agreements before. Even the late Arafat got a Nobel Peace Prize for one of those cease-fires. You can tell the peace lasted a long time. That?s probably why the odds are not in favor of the current agreement.

I think I know how to make the peace last longer. We will put a jar on the kitchen counter top. Every time an Israeli or Palestinian shoots or blows up somebody they have to put a quarter in the jar. If there?s a down side to the violence they will be less likely to do it. What?s more, they can use the money from the jar to rebuild some of those old buildings over there. Some of those buildings look ancient and could really use a remodel.

With my peace plan, there will be lasting peace in the Middle East. If it works really well, we?ll use the technique to fix other places in the world. Every time a Columbian made cocaine there would be another coin in the jar. The jar would be another quarter richer each time a French person was a pissy, little bitch. Yep, the jar would make the world a better place.