What it takes to sell software

You have to be clever to develop software but anyone who can sell the kind of crap displayed in this forum is a sheer genius. I have had the privilege of working with a sales guy who was divine.

It was the early nineties. We had a demo for a Liverpudlian soap factory of a system that ran on NeXT. It had recently made the transition to Intel hardware but did not run on any laptop. It sported graphics that were best appreciated on a big screen.

The best you could hope for back then was an overhead projector so we carried a desktop tower and 19’’ CRT monitor on the plane to Manchester. You could do such things before homeland paranoia and full body scanners kicked in, provided there was enough room.

Upon arrival, the sales guy convinced me that you can’t travel that far without trying a fine selection of local ales. So under the weight of the hardware and consumed spirits our entrance in the presentation room couldn’t have made a very stable impression. Nevertheless, he managed to convince the soap boilers that our garage outfit was a seriously dedicated business partner and our software indispensible for their future success.

Running late on the way back he concluded that for us homies, Manchester Airport was the closest thing to tasting a good curry. So we sat the tower, the monitor and ourselves down for a good dinner. After nibbling half a papadam we heard the PA shout: "Will Mr. Slick and Mr. Nerd please proceed to the boarding gate, you are delaying the flight." This didn’t deter him. During a spicy vindaloo the PA got serious: they would proceed offload our luggage. We only have carry-on’s, he said and ordered desert.

When we finally set out for the plane the gate was closed but he charmed his way in nonetheless. On a Friday afternoon, the plan was chockfull. He opened an overhead bin and shoved in the monitor, crushing the tax free Chanel and single malt whisky bottles of our fellow passengers. The bins weren’t designed to carry such weight or volume and started bulging with a creaking sound.

The horrified flight attendants started reaching for crowd control devices but with commanding presence he convinced captain, crew and passengers that transporting this equipment was of vital importance to the world economy. So the equipment was strapped into his seat and he got a ride in the cockpit.

The best you could hope for back then was an overhead projector so we carried a desktop tower and 19’’ CRT monitor on the plane to Manchester. You could do such things before homeland paranoia and full body scanners kicked in, provided there was enough room.