News from Hell A

Chabad Telethon Schools Emmys

Two big things happened on TV last night – and I am not talking about Sofia Vergara’s chest. The Emmys was “not so much” and the Chabad Telethon was so much. The ratings are still being analyzed, but it appears that God decided to part the proverbial waters again and give his people some viewers…and some cash last night. Jimmy Fallon sang a lot of songs, OK, he was fine, but it appears he should have learned “L’Chaim”…a long beard might have helped too.

“I am not surprised,” said Rabbi Levesohn, one of the organizers of the telethon. “G*d rarely intervenes in our affairs, but when he does, watch out. I don’t know from Jimmy Fallon…probably a nice enough gentile…but he wasn’t raising money for a new drug treatment center and he didn’t have Larry King.”

Emmy producers are already retooling for next year based on the ratings and it appears that Jon Voight, a Chabad regular, will be hosting next year. “Let’s just say we won’t be promoting shows like Modern Family and Glee next year,” said one producer. “The Rabbis want the show to be more wholesome…less Gaga and more Tevye.”