The Sexual Manifesto: It’s True, What They Say About Love and Sex

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You know you’re in love when the sex becomes really, really good. I don’t mean he-finally-gets-to-penetrate-your-butt kind of sex (though, who knows, could be). I’m talking about plain and simple pleasure. Your orgasms move mountains, you reach notes in your moans only audible to canine ears, and you pull such faces that you don’t even care that you look like Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. You’re in love.

Some people enjoy casual, NSA sex and it feels fantastic. You don’t need love to make sex pleasurable. Orgasms are orgasms, from the flutters to the almost-earth-shattering rumbles. Fucking without the troubles and demands of a full-blown relationship can be fun and carefree and satisfying. All kinds of people can separate love from lust and fulfill their sexual needs with other people just fine, thankyouverymuch. But ask most people and they’ll tell you there’s quite a tangible difference between your best orgasm with your hookup and your best orgasm with the love of your life.

For one, there’s the emotional connection. A lot of virgins out there wait for the Right Person. And while I may be one to encourage giving it the ol’ college try, certainly I can understand the need to feel enough comfort with, trust in, and affection for your first partner. Love isn’t necessarily going to make a first fumble into a magical victory lap, but it will make it feel better.

Sex, on one level, is about pursuing pleasure through another person’s body. When you are connected to that person not only through physical attraction but also through an emotional connection, you two create a special energy, maybe something even approaching spiritual. You commune with your partner in a new and exciting way, feel more in tune with them. The beast with two backs indeed. Or when 2 become 1 as the Spice Girls would say.

Ok, enough with the wishy-washy, namby-pamby tantric lover mumbo jumbo voodoo. Pragmatic romantics, when you have sex with someone you love-love, it’s much more likely that you have been with this person for a while. How long does it take you to say “I love you” in a relationship? One month? Two? Even more? Well, that’s how much practice you’ve had with your partner to find exactly the right spot, know just when to rub the clit in varying clockwise and counter-clockwise manners with a double-licked thumb, to be able to interpret a “mmm” as “more” and a “mmn” as “too much.” Lovers who are in love, in the most practical understanding, understand each other’s body.

So maybe it’s the emotional aura and your chakras are aligned with her chakras, maybe it’s that he’s finally found your clit, but I think it’s a little bit of both. Sometimes when we are gleefully racking up the notches on our belt we forget that sex is both a physical as well as emotional act. When you reach that final tier in both respects, the pleasure you find will make you feel on top of the world. Until you have to roll off and he reminds you it’s your turn to clean the bathroom.