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Facebook to ban nauseating pictures of newborn babies

Technology News: Facebook announced plans today to ban all pictures of newborn babies, in an attempt to save the sanity of users and also to reduce the strain on its servers.

The giant social network, which has 800 million users worldwide, has conducted an extensive study into the posting of baby pictures.

“We’ve had a lot of user feedback on the topic,” said head of Facebook content guidelines Todd Toddsmith.

“Obviously we can hear you through your laptop’s built-in microphone. From analysing this data we know that 83% of our users say ‘For fuck’s sake’ when they see someone that they vaguely know has posted yet another baby picture.”

“We understand parents are proud of their children, but our research strongly indicates that unless you’re a relative of the parent, there’s a very good chance you don’t want to see 2,000 pictures of a baby in a variety of woolly hats.”

Story+Image: Simon Swatman

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31 Responses

How out of order is that, If people don’t wanna see photos of babies of people they barely know then they should remove them from their friends list or hide the person from their news feed. I for one love to see my friends babies grow, even the ones that I don’t know very well.

I hate babies. I cannot abide their stupid faces, and I welcome this move. And those ridiculous burbling noises they make induce nausea in me. Indeed, I remember when I was a baby myself I was filled with self-loathing. Even walking down the ‘baby goods’ aisle in Waitrose makes me throw up. BAN THE BABIES. BABIES ARE VERMIN. NO MORE BABIES. NOT IN MY NAME.

I felt so many things when I read this article … First, unbridled joy at the possibility of such a thing coming to pass. Then, disappointment, at the realization that it was a cruel joke. Then, thankfully, amusement, because apparently we all need a little Shakira in our lives.

If you don’t like seeing baby photos of the babies of people you barely know, then why are you their friend? I admittedly post lots of photos of my son, and if i don’t, I have people pestering me for new ones! Much of my family and most of my friends are scattered all over the place and visits are rare. How else can they see my son grow? I’ve never had any complaints about how many photos i post, and if I did, then that person doesn’t need to be on my friends’ list! It’s my profile, and my photos, I can add what I want. If you don’t like it, then delete me. If you’re that bent out of shape by me sharing photos with friends and family, then obviously you don’t need to be on my friends’ list.

Oh, I SO wish this was real. A FB friend’s son just had a baby, so now we all have to endure five or six status updates a day about “The Grandprincess,” complete with pictures. Of course, “The Grandprincess”‘ wrinkly monkey-face doesn’t change from hour to hour.

I hate it when hyper-enthusiastic new parents use Facebook as their own personal “Look! My dick/vagina works!” website.

I’m torn here. This is pretty fucking funny. But. When you first become a parent, there often… ISN’T more to life. You’re trapped at home, basically an indentured servant to a screaming mini-person, who on the other hand is occasionally pretty cute. If you’ve become used to social networking before having kinds, it can be a lifesaver when you’re feeling bored & isolated & missing your old life.

Plus, a lot of the people who bitch about baby pics have their own variation of “2,000 pictures of a baby in wooly hats” — “2,000 pictures of myself throwing ironic gang signs/holding various drinks/squeezing my boobs together”. We just share what’s going on in our lives. For some people it’s babies, for other it’s drinking.

I’m due later this year, and have set up a separate online album so only those who actually want to see 2466587546 pictures of my baby will visit (most likely just family). I don’t hate my FB friends enough to subject them to baby overload just because I think he or she is the cutest thing in the world

@futureteacher Another way to solve the issue might be for you to personal Google “baby pictures”, and browse through your results for a few hours. But, for the rest of the world? DOWN WITH THE BABIES! Their mothers should have swallowed!

this is an OUTRAGE….. facebook shoud be banned, they have a provlem with babbes which is just creepy….. they are probably PEDOFILES!!!!! this explans all the child molestors on there, they feel safe on a site witch hates babbies…… WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TOO??????

This is just the beginning as Fb’s 1st generation reach parenthood.
Think of what we have to look forward to; 35 shots of the new gas BBQ; 4000 kids graduation snaps, Old Jim eating battenberg cake and smelling of piss…..

Essentially, I would like to echo singing cynics comment, and add that perhaps it’s stockholm syndrome that makes them cute? Mewling earth-vexers, the lorra them (except for my niece, obviously. Wanna see a picture?!)…

There is a group on Facebook which has been posting pictures of random users newborn babies, I know at least five people on my friends list to have seen their babies photo on this group.. And all want to know how these sickos even get the pictures, just don’t upload them or so many and you will be safe.. Facebook SHOULD be safe. But it’s not, you don’t know who is looking at your pictures/photos of your children

Crying, screaming fanny cakes. That’s what they are. Why on earth do new mothers think that I (in not being a blood relative) am remotely interested or sufficiently concerned to learn that they have indeed got a functioning uterus. Frankly, I am more concerned to learn how many points that mother has on her driving licence, because knowing that she isn’t going to cause accidents on the road is of more significance to the wider community than the fact she’s just popped a sprog to join the thousands of unremarkable others.

To those who say “why are you friends with them” – there seems to be something about parenthood and Facebook together that turns previously bright, intelligent, interesting and sparkly people into baby bores.

It’s as if former nobel Prize winners had got a new job shovelling dung and were enthusiastically talking about different sizes puiles, different textures of manure and posting photographs of the slurry pit.

I wish people could become parents without being so sodding boring about it!