You’ve texted your boyfriend, best friend, or a new guy you’re just getting to know, and you get a feeling like something just isn’t right. Is this person lying to you? If so, how can you tell if someone is lying over text? Though there’s no sure fire way to do it, there are many signs to watch out for if you want to know whether the person is being honest with you—or texting you lies.

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Steps

Part 1 of 2: Finding the Obvious Signs

1

See if it takes the person longer to respond. One study found that people take 10 percent more time to respond to a question over text if they are lying. This is natural, of course—they need more time to come up with a believable answer. This can be especially obvious if you’ve been having a rapid back-and-forth conversation and suddenly it’s taking forever for the person to respond.[1]

If you have the iPhone and can see the ellipses (“...”) at the other end of the text exchange, indicating that it’s taking your texting partner forever to craft the perfect response, then this can be a red flag.

Just remember that, just because it takes a person a longer time to respond, it doesn’t guarantee that the person is lying. If the person really likes you, it can just take him longer to respond because he wants to sound impressive. Of course, it’s also possible—though less likely—that the person got held up just when you asked an important question.

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2

See if the answer seems way too complicated. If you asked a fairly simple question, such as, “What did you do last night?” and the person sends you back three paragraphs of text, then it may be to compensate for the fact that he’s not telling the truth. Some people think that, the more detailed their response is, the more convincing it is, but this can actually be quite the opposite, especially if the person normally doesn’t send you long, descriptive texts.

If the person is describing every little detail of his or her night when all you wanted was a simple answer, then it may be to convince you that whatever story he made up really did happen.

If the person is really a novice at lying, then he may even backtrack to correct himself in the middle of the textual exchange.

3

See if the person quickly tries to change the subject. If the person tries to change the subject, then this is another red flag that he or she is lying. This would also be true for the situation in person; if the guy or girl you’re talking to isn’t telling the truth, then it’s only natural that he or she wouldn’t want to linger over the topic. If the person gives you a quick answer and then asks a more complicated question, this can be a great way to create a diversion away from the fact that he or she is lying.

He can say something like this: “I ended up staying out late with John. How about you? How was your night?”

4

See if the person says he has to abruptly leave after giving you an answer. Well, this is another dead giveaway. If the person you’re talking to pulls this one, then chances are he’s probably not a master liar. If you’ve been having a great conversation and then suddenly think you’ve caught him in a lie, and then the next thing you know, he has to suddenly get going, then yeah, this is probably a not-so-subtle way of not wanting to deal with the consequences of the lie.

This will be especially suspicious if the person leaves with no explanation, and if you didn’t think he had any plans during that time.

5

See if the person tries to suck up to you after giving you an answer. If the person you’re talking to tries to suck up to you or sweet talk you after he’s told the lie, then chances are that something fishy is up. If he normally doesn’t tell you how much he misses you or how beautiful you are and you’re suddenly hearing this kind of thing after he gives you a dodgy answer to one of your questions, then it’s likely that this is just his way of trying to cover up the lie.

Of course, if the person is normally sweet to you, then it may not mean anything out of the ordinary. But if he suddenly tells you all of the sweet things you’ve always wanted to hear, then something may be up.

If the person who is lying doesn’t have a romantic relationship with you, then he or she may still jump to give you a quick compliment or some positive reinforcement to take your mind off the lie.

6

Look for emphatic language. Though emphatic language doesn’t mean that the person is lying, if the person isn’t usually too emotional or emphatic in his texts and all of a sudden he is very emphatic, then it may be because he is really desperate for you to believe him because he’s lying. This is as true for lying girlfriends as it is for mail order bride scams.[2]

If your girlfriend says something like, “I really, really missed you last night. Though I was out with the girls, I really wish you could have been there,” then she might be trying a bit too hard because she’s not telling the truth.

7

Trust your gut. Though there’s no way to know if someone is lying 100% unless you find proof or ask and get the truth, you can certainly listen to what your heart and gut are telling you. If you just sense that something is up and know that you’re not getting all of the right answers, then chances are that the person you care about is lying to you. If it’s a big deal and you feel betrayed, then the only way to clear the air is to ask and get the truth.

Unfortunately, one study shows that people can only tell if others are lying 54% of the time, which makes the chances that you can tell if someone is lying to you not much better than a coin flip. Still, your instincts should be leading you in the right direction, especially if the person in question is a repeat offender.[3]

Part 2 of 2: Searching for More Subtle Signs

1

See if the person keeps qualifying his answers. If the person keeps qualifying his answers, then this may be another sign that he’s lying and really, really wants you to believe him. These little comments can go a long way in showing that he doesn’t trust that his answer alone is going to convince you and that he feels he has to make an extra effort. Here are some choice phrases to look out for when you’re trying to spot a liar:

“To be honest…”

“What I really mean…”

“I don’t want you to get the wrong idea, but…”

“Actually, it was really more like…”

2

See if the person gives vague or non-committal answers. Another way to spot a liar is to see if the person refuses to really pin down his or her story and keeps giving you vague answers that could get him off the hook more easily. If the person isn’t confident about what happened last night or in whatever answer he is giving you, then it’s likely that this is because he’s not telling the whole truth. Here are some phrases to watch out for:[4]

“It must have been around midnight when…”

“Maybe it was because…”

“I probably got home around two.”

“I’m not sure if…”

“It seemed kind of like…”

3

See if the person doesn’t quite sound like himself. You know what it’s like to text with this person. If he’s normally a guy who is pretty casual with his texts, or if you’re talking to a girl who writes perfect, error free text messages, and suddenly you feel like the text is almost coming from a different person, then the person may be lying. The person may not sound like himself because he’s too busy trying to craft the perfect answer; what’s worse, this may even be the case because he’s with someone who is telling him what to say.

Scroll through your past texts with this person. Does it sound like the same person is texting you, or like his phone has been abducted by aliens? Even if you can’t pinpoint why, if the text just feels different for some reason, then you’ll know.

4

See if the person is tense hopping. Tense hopping, or jumping between the past and present tense, is another sign that the person is lying to you. If a person does this, then it means he may be lying because he’s so busy crafting a story in his head that he forgets that it happened in the past tense, not the present. If the person you’re talking to normally doesn’t tense hop and suddenly his tenses are all over the place after you think you may have caught him in a lie, then this can be a red flag.[5]

Look out for when someone speaks like this: “Last night, I went out with the boys for a few drinks. But I only had a few beers. Then I’m going home before midnight…”

People can tense hop when they’re lying because once they start fabricating the story in their heads, it may naturally switch to the present tense.

5

Look for too much insignificant detail. If the person gives you too much insignificant detail and he normally doesn’t chat so much over text, then this may be because he’s trying to cover his tracks by making his story seem really believable. If he tells you what music was playing at the club when all you wanted to know was who he was there with, then it may be a sign that he’s lying.

If he says something like, “I was out late at the diner with Jim. He was talking on and on about The Raiders. We had the best cheese fries, though,” when he normally never gives details like this, then this may be a sign that he’s lying.

6

See if the person’s response is unusually polished. If the person you’re texting normally doesn’t try to have perfectly crafted, grammatically correct sentences, and all of a sudden the response you get from him could have come out of your English textbook, then this is a sign that he’s trying too hard to seem like he’s telling the truth. Of course, if the person usually talks like this, then it doesn’t mean anything.

If the person usually uses lots of abbreviations, doesn’t always use punctuation or capitalized letters, or just generally is a sloppy texter, then he may be lying if he suddenly sends you four perfect, grammatically sound sentences.

7

See if the person removes personal pronouns. Another sign that the person is lying is if he or she removes all personal pronouns when he explains what happened or gives you an answer. This is a way of taking away accountability and making it seem as if the situation just “happened” to that person, as if there wasn’t anyone to blame. In general, using the passive voice out of the blue can indicate that something is up.[6]

If a person is telling the truth, he’s more likely to say, “I was out late with the boys. Eventually we called a taxi to get home. I didn’t even realize it was so late.”

If he’s lying, he can say the same thing without using the first-person pronoun: “The whole group was out. A cab came for us eventually. The night just flew by…”

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