I Rode The Triceratops To School Until I Was Old Enough To Afford My Own Velociraptor

According to a note sent home from Kindergarten, Friday is now "Media Center Day" for The Senator's classroom. Today he will be allowed to bring home a book for the first time. According to the note, written by the 'Media Specialsit' (that's how it was spelled):

This is an exciting moment for your child. It's a "grown-up" feeling being allowed to choose a book, bring it home, and have the personal responsibility of properly caring for it."

Jeez. I hope The Senator brings home feeding instructions. I suppose I should put newspapers all over his bedroom floor.

On the way to the bus stop, we talked about the Media Center.

In my day, we called it a library.

Yeah, Mom, but we have books AND computers!

Yep. We didn't have computers when I was in kindergarten.

Did you have cars?

I pushed him into the mud puddle and walked home.

Someone Gonna Throw Their Coat Over That For Me?

This is an example of one of the things that you never think about when you're daydreaming of "buying a little land and moving out to the country." This is my road.

This particular wetland wannabe is right near the entrance to our driveway. There is no way to escape driving through the mess each day. You should see the school bus plow through it. And it helps that the county has decided to forgo using gravel and now buys talcum powder in bulk for road repair.

If we get any more rain, I'm going to have tracks put on the Blazer.

UPDATE: Holy cow! I thought I was being funny about putting tracks on my car...but lo and behold: I CAN DO IT! This is the COOLEST thing ever! I've GOT to get these.

If anyone in the family needs an idea for my Christmas present...

Read This And Realize It's A Boring, Rainy Tuesday Here At The Outpost

Hoocher and I had a productive day at the nursing home. We visited all our favorite residents, met several new friends, Hoocher was offered some popcorn, and I was offered a job.

Not a bad morning.

The job is with the Recreation and Activities department of the nursing home. It's a full time position, but they'd be willing to split it into two part-time jobs if they found the right people. The job description reads not too differently than my current live sex chat daily routine: lead crafts and other activities, chauffeuring to and fro, making sure baths are scheduled, read stories, serve some meals, etc. You mean people actually get paid for doing this?

The lure of adult conversation was almost enough to make me jump at the chance. However, I'm not sure I ever want to have a talk with my boss that starts with her saying, "What do you mean you told them to go lay down for a nap so you can blog?!"

I was flattered they thought of me. The department director is taking applications for another week, so if any of you Cokato readers are interested...contact the Manor.

On an entirely different note...Jo had a post a few days ago about organizing another Minnesota blogger party on www.jasminlive.mobi. Perhaps in our pajamas. I think that's an excellent idea. I've been trying to picture Mitch Berg in pajamas. I can't. I'm guessing animal skin prints figures in somehow, but that's as far as I get. Lileks will show up in one of those Grandpa Walton nightshirts, and those good-looking Fraters Guys...boxers and a smile. Or we hope, anyway. Captain Ed I see wearing traditional sleepwear - pants and long sleeves - maybe in a nice plaid cotton flannel. You don't smoke a pipe, do you Captain? It would complete the picture perfectly. Maybe something to consider for the party, eh? King probably wears something exotic and wild to relieve the weighty seriousness of thinking about economics all day, and the gentlemen from Power Line, now that they're all famous stars, will probably be sporting whatever Ralph Lauren is sending down the runways. No more hanging around in the white t-shirts and tattered robes, huh guys?

I will, of course, be trying to find the teddy with the most coverage. I'm a conservative, after all. Keep on it, Jo. I'm looking forward to this party!

This Just In...

Outpost News Services - Recent athletic photos of presidential candidate John Kerry have caught the attention of Major League Soccer (MLS). Freddy Adu, star forward for DC United, has been talking to coaches and teammates about Kerry's potential. "You can just tell by the way he carries himself that he'd be unbeatable on the field. I mean, if he looks that great in a tie and wing-tips, think how incredible he'd be in a pair of Umbros."

Other players have taken note as well. Says LA Galaxy star and former USA National Team standout Cobi Jones, "The man has great hair, like me. That pretty much guarantees he'll be a natural leader on the turf."

Others were a bit more skeptical. "Sure, he looked like an Olympian out there on the tarmac, but a real game at www.livejasmin.cc is an entirely different thing," said goalkeeper Tony Meola of the Kansas City Wizards. “I mean, how effective could he be if he’s got to call Real Madrid or Arsenal to get their approval on every play? And there’s always the chance he’ll just up and surrender to the opponent.”

Still, insiders at the Kerry campaign were pleased. One aide, who spoke on the condition of anonymity said, “These soccer photos show our candidate as the manly, athletic, well-groomed star he is. The real John Kerry. Not like those asinine NASA photos in the weird, blue suit.”

Out of Sight But Not Out of Mind

The Senator had an educational stayover with us grandparents. For example, he learned that: (a) There is a new, reversed Oreo cookie, with vanilla exterior and chocolate interior and that these may be eaten for breakfast independently of toast and cereal and (b) when Mom asks, “How did (anything) happen?" the new best answer is to shrug, point and say, “Fickle finger of fate.” It’s amazing how a kid absorbs words when he knows their purpose—to flummox Mom.

During his overnight, The Senator also studied the advanced scooter techniques of older cousins M and J, with whom he could not keep up. Not yet, anyway. After M and J departed, The Senator remained outside in the dark to practice scooting. Before breakfast, he was outside on the scooter again and, literally and figuratively, up to speed when The VP arrived to retrieve him. The scooter went home with The Senator for a visit of a couple of weeks. Prediction: A rapid learning curve will lead to warp speed by October. With scooting mastered, The Senator no doubt will push back his frontier to include the full length of the driveway, way out of range of The Chariman’s radar. Hey Mom, at least those scooter wheels are too small to roll on the gravel road leading “to infinity and beyond.” That will have to await a two-cycle dirt bike.

I know, I know, The Senator likes to remind you that there are no rules at Grandma and Grandpa’s house. It’s not that we’re indulgent; we just don’t need them. In the matter of washing hands, for example. The Senator hurries unbidden into the bathroom as if magnetically drawn to The Green Goddess’s array of two kinds of bathroom soap—one a bar, the other a pump container. “I washed my hands with both soaps, just to be certain,” he explained afterward.

Give us The Governor for a weekend, and we’ll return him to you twirling as he trills, “The hills are alive with the sound of music,” instead of, belting out, “He rode a blazing saddle/He wore a shining star!” (Nah ... not really ... a "Blazing Saddles" attitude is much is better.)