A guy with a dick-shaped nose walks into a bar

“Why the schlong face?” Asks the bartender.

I woke up with a really stiff neck. I got out of bed, went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, my face was white as a sheet! i had a big red nose, bright red fuzzy hair and a really tiny bowler hat on top. I turned on the tap and glitter poured out. Then i realised what had happened..

I slept funny.

Little Johnny comes to class with a swollen nose..

Teacher " what happened ?"

Little Johny : I tried to smell a brose .

Teacher : there is no 'b' in a rose.

Little Johnny : well there was one in the one I smelled.

There used to be a girl nicknamed Rudolph at my school, not because she had a red nose...

...but because she used to go down in history.

You know what they say about guys with big noses?

They smell well.

I hate people who don’t cover their noses and mouths when they sneeze.

They make me sick.

Told my friend his nose was runny

He said it’s not

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man was arrested for ejaculating out his nose

But he did nutting wrong

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose...

... but you can’t wipe your friends off underneath the couch.

There are two kinds of people in the World. People who pick their nose,

and liars

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I went to a party, but to my horror, everyone was wearing costumes! I opened my wallet, pulled out a condom and rolled it over my nose. The frowning host asked me, "What're you supposed to be!?"

I replied, "Fuck knows."

My nose is having a marathon today.

It can't stop running.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's the difference between a brown-noser and a shithead?

Depth perception.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.'Nurse,' he mumbles from behind the mask. 'Are my testicles black?'

We call rings in ears earrings, in eyebrows eyebrow rings and in noses nose rings. Why don't we apply the same to fingers?

Is there a correlation between the size of a nose and the sense of smell?

Because I read somewhere that back in World War II people with big noses smelled gas much more often.

My mother is so good at sticking her nose in my business....

... she can win a gold meddle.

How did Michael Jackson pick his nose?

Out of a catalog.

Heheee!!!

What do you apply to a sore pig's nose?

Oinkment

Why didn't the Eskimo rub noses with his non-Eskimo girlfriend?

She just wasn't Inuit.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Black eye and a broken nose

How do you give a blonde a black eye and a broken nose without touching her?

Wave a dick under a glass table.

caution: high altitudes under certain conditions can cause a bloody nose

Like on Mt. Shasta I heard a guy saying, "I just wanted to show people that it's possible to do things like hiking and Crossfit on a vegan diet, and besides I needed something to do after I retired at 30 on my Bitcoin investments" so I punched him in the nose.

woke up this morning, changed a light bulb, crossed the road (with a chicken) walked into a bar, went knock, knock and then found out that my dogs got no nose.