So let's love / before we've even begun

Now that we're 18 episodes into season 1 of this rewatch, I have a whole bunch of thoughts on Miles/Nora.

I apparently blanked out everything about their relationship post-1x13, and evidently missed it again when I did my highlight tour last year, because it kind of went to 11 straight up until about 5 minutes before he was on to romancing Rachel full time, and I remember NONE OF IT. I mean, I remember them sleeping together, but even the details of that were pretty sparse. For instance, forgot he woke up shirtless. I'm also pretty sure I never saw that raised scar across the collarbone. ("If a guy's got a scar, he's got a Robin RS.")

And I have to congratulate myself on my immense prudishness because it means that it takes me a really long time and a lot of rewatches to fully unwrap scenes like that lap-straddling one, so I keep finding tiny pieces that are new and thrilling to me. You remember when we watched Glee's "The First Time."

Even at the beginning of The Love Boat, I forgot that she gave him a whole disappointed speech about him slipping back into his old ways and how she's going to leave as a result, to his immense "what the hell else am I supposed to do" frustration. I forgot it wasn't just Charlie who violence-shamed him in this episode; no wonder he found a better way. Him taking the good road and freeing the scientist/his family was the catalyst for the whole casually-standing-here-in-my-underwear scene.

And there was that really nice pulling-the-rubble-off-her bit in the next episode before Nora ran off with hurt feelings upon correctly deducing she'd always play second fiddle to Rachel, and got herself captured to save Charlie.

But more to the point, there is SO MUCH that I blew right past in "Clue." Dear Past Me, did you twice manage to ignore an entire post-torture hospital reunion scene?? To quote Miles himself, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, WHAT IS THAT?" Look at his face! Look at his relieved/guilt-stricken/overwhelmed/super-pained face! "What happened? I've been looking everywhere for you, trying to find you. I'm so sorry." Plus there's all the cheek-cradling. Are you hearing his tone of voice telling her she's got nothing to apologize for (assuming she's just talking about getting captured), because clearly you are not.

How was this my entire previous reference to the couple in this ep??: Enjoyed Miles' fiercely loyal defense of Nora from accusations at all cost.

Because defending her includes, in no particular order: finding her on the ground and making a very relieved face that she's not dead, wrapping up her bleeding arm, standing between her and people (Tom) who want to shoot her on the spot, and using his patented High-Pitched Unhinged Voice to argue in her defense ("she didn't do it!"), all in spite of the fact that she's shot up with unpredictable drugs and previously gave up key intel that put Rachel in danger. Not for one second does he allow any of the blame she puts on herself for not being stronger.

Also I just looked up her death scene on YouTube and, lord, beer me strength. I am not made to withstand him crying over her body, especially in light of the fact that he was so doggedly set on just getting her to the infirmary that he didn't even realize the moment he lost her.

And going back to when he first finds her -- I very much am keen on his refusal to leave her behind to help Rachel, even when she orders him to. "Look at me. I'm not leaving." It's fun because it's dual-layered! This is just a real thrilling example of him trying to be the good guy. Everyone and their mother knows he wants to choose Rachel, but Nora deserves better than that. He's done abandoning people when it gets hard. So he's going to choose her, and maybe it's the easy choice now when she's clearly doomed, but at least he's trying.

One more -- my parents watched episode 6 without me so I missed that scene where she needs a blood transfusion until just now. None of that looks even a little bit familiar to me, but that is okay, because the amount of squee I am letting off over lacing his fingers through hers when she's already unconscious, hoping this will save her, is incredible. Maybe it's not quite the right or traditional way, but he does love her. I'm frankly a little worried whether I can in good conscience continue believing Rachel was really always the one.

Speaking of which, I had also completely blanked out the placement and context of that flashback scene where General Matheson is getting all violent and near-punchy with Rachel. That is...a place I want to go back to even less than whatever happened with Monroe in Philadelphia. That's horrible, why are you showing this to me! The last I remember of Flashbackville, they were making sad faces at each other in an airport and she was begging him to give her a reason not to go home. I'm fine with not believing a word either of them says about no longer caring/considering it a cheap and ugly affair, but WHAT IS THIS PREPPING HER FOR TORTURE BUSINESS. No! Undo!!!

I don't know how I'm supposed to sell my parents on this romance now, with no time to decompress between seasons. I feel like a teenager from 2008 about to introduce someone to Twilight, all "LOOK AT THIS ROMANTIC LOVE STORY," to a person who rightfully takes one look at Edward's behavior and is like "um."