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Topic : 04/04 Ask Dr. Phil about Parenting

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Created on : Friday, March 28, 2008, 02:31:41 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

Are you tired of your kids talking back, being disobedient and acting up when they don’t get their way? Along with Dr. Frank Lawlis, author of Mending the Broken Bond, Dr. Phil has advice for calming a chaotic household. First up, Jennifer says her 12-year-old daughter, Sydney, is out of control, and Jennifer's marriage to Craig is suffering as a result. She says Sydney hangs out with the wrong crowd, lies constantly and is failing school. The teen was recently in hot water when she sent a topless photo from her cell phone to her boyfriend that was circulated around the school! Craig says he’s frustrated that Jennifer undermines his discipline, and he’s hurt that his stepdaughter doesn’t respect him. Can this family get back on track, or is it too late for Jennifer to save her marriage? Then, Diane and Clayton say their 17-year-old daughter, Logan, is rude, doesn’t do her chores and always breaks curfew. Logan wants her folks to get off her back because she’ll be 18 soon, and she wants to get her own place. Find out what happens when Dr. Lawlis makes a house call to bring some balance to the family. Is Logan ready to move out on her own, and will her folks be able to handle her independence? Join the discussion.

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Third time

Hi, well I've sent 2 emails about this subject. About a friend of mine having a terrible time with her 15 yo son. He will be going to court on 1st of APril and will most likely go to juvenile detention this time. He has been busted for pot and pipes, carrying a concealed weapon, tampering with a concealed weapon, taking a knife to school (suspended for 10 days), throwing glass bottles and breaking them behind the local Target, running away around 3 times and more. I send the first email to Dr. Phil about 2 -3 months ago asking for help for the boy and his mother and I've received nothing back. I sent another email about a month later reminding him of the situation and how it had gotten worse. He's had 2 pretrial hearings and the one on the 1st of April is from the 1st pretrial.

So, good luck getting anything back from Dr. Phil, maybe you will be the lucky one and get some help.

Parents need to be parents

I work in child care and see many different types of parents each day. Parents are so concerned that their child be happy every moment of the day. If their child expresses disappointment the parents immediately give in. Because of this their children become demanding manipulative little brats. Then parents do not understand why their child misbehaves. My advice to the parents of the unruly 12 year old would be to first of all take away her cell phone. It is obvious the child does not know how touse it properly. The next thing would be to take away all of her fun things except for school books etc. She would have to earn her things back by showing more acceptable behavior. She would be dropped off at school and picked up each day to assure that she not have any more contact with the wrong people than necessary. Oh dear will that be inconvenient to the parent? So be it. A parent needs to be responsible for making their children responsible members of society.

Unruly teenagers

I truly have empathy for the parents of some teenagers today. I have a 16 yr old niece and 17 yr old nephew who are truly out of control. Their mother is single working trying to support them without monetary support from their so called absent father. The kids are failing in school and don't care. They have been suspended from school several times and from riding the bus. The oldest, the 17 almost 18 yr old was expelled and sent to alternate school for trying to sell his ADHD medication in school several times. They yell at their teachers, bus drivers, and especially disheartening cuss and yell at their Mother. I suggested to the mother to call the police on the daughter as she runs away on a whim and comes home whenever. She states that this is what the kids want. /they brag about how and who they sleep with, being picked up by the police, etc. They get disciplined only to have the mother back down because the kids harass and manipulate her so bad she lets them slide just to get them out of her hair. They are of the "ME" generation who only care about themselves, and yet they say their life sucks. They are unhappy with everything and everybody around them. They are lazy, thoughtless, rude, and it's a shame that I can't think of anything positive to say about them. We have tried several times and ways to help them come up in this world, but to no avail. They say everyone are losers, but when in fact I want to tell them to look in the mirror. I have lost all respect for them, it's sad to say, but how can you help someone who's not willing to help themselves. I could go on and on about them, but you get the gist of the situation, and their mother says all kids are like that today. I in my own heart don't believe that, does anyone else believe that?

04/04 Ask Dr. Phil about Parenting

Hi, well I've sent 2 emails about this subject. About a friend of mine having a terrible time with her 15 yo son. He will be going to court on 1st of APril and will most likely go to juvenile detention this time. He has been busted for pot and pipes, carrying a concealed weapon, tampering with a concealed weapon, taking a knife to school (suspended for 10 days), throwing glass bottles and breaking them behind the local Target, running away around 3 times and more. I send the first email to Dr. Phil about 2 -3 months ago asking for help for the boy and his mother and I've received nothing back. I sent another email about a month later reminding him of the situation and how it had gotten worse. He's had 2 pretrial hearings and the one on the 1st of April is from the 1st pretrial.

So, good luck getting anything back from Dr. Phil, maybe you will be the lucky one and get some help.

Cathy Jones

How much effort has your friend made to keep her son from getting out of control when he was young enough that she had more influence over him? Maybe she's tried, all his life, to keep him under control. But, then again, maybe not. Dr Phil's had so many parents of out-of-control kids ranging from three to 17. And, except for a few with heavy metal toxicty-based behavior issues, most of them received no kind of disciplinary guidance during their formative early childhood. Unless the parents intervene, out-of-control toddlers become out-of-control teens. Who become out-of-control adults. And, part of the prison populstion.I see so many parents come whining to Dr Phil about their disrepectful teens. Usually because they didn't nip this disrespect in the bud, when their kids were toddlers. When they admit what they've let these kids get away with all their lives, I think duh!

Teenage Grand daughter

I have physical custody of my 16 year old grand daughter. She refuses to go to school, she is staying with friends at the moment. I just do not know what to do about it. Her medicaid is no longer in effect as of April 1, 2008, and she is always getting sick. Social Services cancelled it as of that date. I am told I cannot get Child Health Plus for her unless she lives here. She says she is not coming back, but I think if she hits rock bottom she will. She is not on drugs I'm pretty sure, because she saw what it did to her mother, she died last year. She has had counselling with an excellent therapist and now she refuses to go. Anything I tell her or ask her to do - forget it. How can I manage this problem?

Ask Dr. Phil About Parenting

Hi, well I've sent 2 emails about this subject. About a friend of mine having a terrible time with her 15 yo son. He will be going to court on 1st of APril and will most likely go to juvenile detention this time. He has been busted for pot and pipes, carrying a concealed weapon, tampering with a concealed weapon, taking a knife to school (suspended for 10 days), throwing glass bottles and breaking them behind the local Target, running away around 3 times and more. I send the first email to Dr. Phil about 2 -3 months ago asking for help for the boy and his mother and I've received nothing back. I sent another email about a month later reminding him of the situation and how it had gotten worse. He's had 2 pretrial hearings and the one on the 1st of April is from the 1st pretrial.

So, good luck getting anything back from Dr. Phil, maybe you will be the lucky one and get some help.

Cathy Jones

This is a difficult subject for me because I am not a parent. I am a special ed teacher, and I have worked with two year olds in the past 12 years. I'm currently working on my Master's in special education and hope to graduate this coming fall. I want to work with children of special needs. This summer, I will be doing my practicum and working with Jr. High and high school students. A big change for me, since I'm used to working with early childhood children.

I also in some ways have became a parent to my younger brother when he was having a difficult time in his life. He was 14-15 at the time, smoked a pack a day. He would fight with our mom. At times, being the big sister, I've stepped in between my mom and my little brother. I had to physically break up the fighting between the two of them. I was so angry at my mom. Because she was not being the parent. I had to calm her down and talk to her about how to deal with my brother. There was a lot of conflict and stress in the house at that time. I was home at times on spring break, summer from college. I was trying to make my mark in the world and trying very hard to make it out on my own. I too had a difficult teenage life. My mother had a anger issue too, my father was busy working and often gone overseas. He also drank a lot. The drinking was to relieve the stress from work and his marriage. I was able to move on and have some peace with my father and my mother. My parents got divorced in my junior year of college. This was at least 26 years ago.

Now my little brother is almost 37 years old and is in a correctional facility with a felon for having a sexual assult and a relationship with a minor. It breaks my heart and I wished that things were different for him at the time he was a teenager. But I can't live the past.

My suggestion is that to be patient and pray. Listen to your teenager. My mother was so busy being so angry at the world, that she took it out on me. (Verbal abuse). Similiar to the show about a parent that is angry at her children aired not too long ago. My father had more patience, but not much time to really be there for me. He was going through a lot of stress in his marriage and he just shut himself down. One day, he made the move, filed for a divorce and moved out. That was when I was about to be a freshman in 1982. The divorce was final around 1985-1986. Today, my father and I have a great father-daughter relationship. My relationship with my mother took more time. We've talked, but it took more work and a lot of trust.

Seek suggestions from a school counselor, someone from church. It's hard for me, but I feel the concern and the need that your son is seeking for attention and is acting this way to get attention. My father had a lot to deal with when my brother was getting himself into negative situations. My father is still trying to help my brother. I guess no matter how old you are, you are always a parent and that you want the best for your child. No matter what crime he/she has done.

From the teacher's point of view, I try to listen to my student's (children) listen to what they are really saying to you. I take the time to talk to them at least 5 minutes a day. I tell a 2 year old, that I'm talking to John Doe, wait your turn." Take the time to talk and listen to the parents. They've asked me what to do if their child misbehaves. I can only suggest, I tell them to have another plan, in case plan A didn't work.

I would suggest talking to your child's teacher(s). Be proactive, ask them if there are any ideas, suggestions that you can do to help your son. Be patient and a good listener. Try not to critiicize. Colloborate with the teachers, administrators, ask for a counselor.

Your child's education is important and I feel that once they have a chance to sit down and really talk about what is going on, your son may open up and trust you.

Man this is difficult. I feel like I am reliving my brother's life when he was a teenager and what my mother and father could have done. I wished that my parents took the time to talk to him. Talk to him at a relaxed time, just say."I'd like to talk to you, sometime soon, maybe after practice?" When that time comes, be calm, don't critiicize listen!! Be honest and tell the truth. We as a family, except for my father, went to family counseling. We had to listen and not interupt the other person while they were talking. It was then that we were able to move on. Even though there was a lot of hurt, anger that came out in family therapy. I am suggesting that family therapy may help.

I'm sure that every teenager would want to feel good about talking and being honest with their parents. As for my brother, he has no desire to talk or visit my mother. I do not blame him, for all of the hurt that he has gone through. Yet he is just as stubborn, he has a lot of anger himself that he has not been able to let go of. My brother hs a good relationship with our father. We are both adopted, I was adopted first, then we adopted my brother in 1971 when he was 14 months old. When I mention our parents, I'm speaking of our adopted parents. Good luck and I too will pray for your son.

04/04 Ask Dr. Phil about Parenting

I truly have empathy for the parents of some teenagers today. I have a 16 yr old niece and 17 yr old nephew who are truly out of control. Their mother is single working trying to support them without monetary support from their so called absent father. The kids are failing in school and don't care. They have been suspended from school several times and from riding the bus. The oldest, the 17 almost 18 yr old was expelled and sent to alternate school for trying to sell his ADHD medication in school several times. They yell at their teachers, bus drivers, and especially disheartening cuss and yell at their Mother. I suggested to the mother to call the police on the daughter as she runs away on a whim and comes home whenever. She states that this is what the kids want. /they brag about how and who they sleep with, being picked up by the police, etc. They get disciplined only to have the mother back down because the kids harass and manipulate her so bad she lets them slide just to get them out of her hair. They are of the "ME" generation who only care about themselves, and yet they say their life sucks. They are unhappy with everything and everybody around them. They are lazy, thoughtless, rude, and it's a shame that I can't think of anything positive to say about them. We have tried several times and ways to help them come up in this world, but to no avail. They say everyone are losers, but when in fact I want to tell them to look in the mirror. I have lost all respect for them, it's sad to say, but how can you help someone who's not willing to help themselves. I could go on and on about them, but you get the gist of the situation, and their mother says all kids are like that today. I in my own heart don't believe that, does anyone else believe that?

My daughter just turned 18 in March. Things were pretty good until last summer. She fell in love and started to hang around the bad crowd. Her friends have pretty much dropped out of school, doing drugs, partying most of the time. My daughter believes and tries to make me believe that ALL KIDS DO DRUGS AND DRINK. She associates her self with friends which are on their own with no parent supervision. One lives at his grand parents and has no one to report too, and the others ones simply have no rules so of course, I was the mean one...... the one who wouldnt let her live a NORMAL teenagers lifesyle. She lost her virginity in August 2007 and all of a sudden, she was an adult now wanting the sleepover thing with her boyfriend and stuff and I just couldnt allow that. She started rebelling and kept telling me she was going to move out as soon as she was 18 and I started to panic. She once ran away because I told her she couldnt see her b-friend and had to come home to clean her room. It took her three days to come back and I wanted this to happen where she would decide to come home and would have to follow my rules. Her b-friend broke it off with her but she still hung around with the crowd. Her new boyfriend is 18, living wherever as his mother and step father live up north and he got kicked out. Has no money, no job, and just got arrested for breaking and entering !! This is where I get really confused. My daughter still prtety much talks to me. She tells me things I would of never told my parents and I dont want those lines of communications to stop so I try to remain calm and cool whenever she talks to me. Now that she's 18, she has this attitude that she can do what she wants. She's failing in school and not sure she will graduate. She would need to go to adult school to complete her education. Her bedroom is more then a mess leaving food around, glasses filled with milk or juice..... clothes everywhere.... its quite discusting but doesnt care. Now, she doesnt call me to tell me when she's coming home and thinks she has no curfew though I had told her that even though she was going to be 18, I still have expectations and she would have to continue to respect me. If I push to hard, will she leave and go with her boyfriend and I fear I will regret it. I was hoping she would see this on her own with out my opinion. She did share with me that she was embarest when people ask her what her b-friend does cause he does nothing so a little bell rang and I was hoping she would start to think about whre her life is going. I take the time to talk to her being very carefull with my words. I told her that if her friends had no motivation, no goals, they wouldnt end up very far unless they choose to change their ways. I mentioned to her that if she surrounded her self with a better crowd, it would better her life and she would eventually realise what really matter in life and how life really works. I am a single mother and I have 3 children. I give them love, support and I have overcome many very difficult challenges and had hoped they would see that life is not as easy as they think it is. I've gone to therapy with my daughter to better our relationship, I've taken her to see a spychiatrist to make sure she doesnt have bi-polar as its in her biologicals fathers family. I offered her the book <closing the gap>, I've offered her spiritual audio c.d books explaining to her that If she starts now, she has a much better chance of having successfull relationships with those in her life. I've compomised on what she's ask to try and reach the middle but in return, I have gotten very little on her behalf and yes, she manipulates me. Shes made up stories at work about her family life so that people feel sorry for her. She's made me look out to be a monster...even though it doesnt matter what other think, I feel sad that she would be able to invent and want to do this to her mother. What does a mother do when she feels her daughter might leave..... I told her that if she wanted to move out, the only thing I wished for was that she would do it properly and I was willing to help her to get a good start. The last thing I want is for her to leave for the wrong reasons but then again, she's only 18 and thinks she understands what life is all about !!

I really thought when she was 17 that I had beaten the odds. That I had succeeded in avoiding the teenage misery but then, I realised that I had made poor choices at 19 years old and now I know, this is the most critical age. This is the begining of their future and the choices they will make will have a strong impact on the adults years. I'm talking about pregnancies, boyfriends, education..... but she doesnt want to hear it. I really didnt think I'd be in this situation today and I thought my way would work. Its frustrating to see that with all my efforts, something failed and I have gone back in my mind to see where I messed up ! Where do I hold responsability and even by doing so, I cant go back ! I know I raised my kids feeling sorry for them when things happened and so I tried to compansate in other ways (unlike our parents). I now know that I was wanting to be a better parent but its obvious now to me that kids also learn through struggles and that life is not always fair..... I know I lack consistancy and so I am trying to change my ways with my two younger boys. Trial, fail and adjust !!! Isent that how we learn unfortunaltely !!!