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Eventually I'll figure it out :)

Decided to start a journal. I'm supposed to keep one for a Crossfit Challenge but I like to type more than write long hand - so here goes.

I have been doing paleo for almost a year. Feel better, good blood work. No weight loss. I struggle with compulsive overeating - which *is* better on paleo - but not gone.

I thought I'd try really low carb for a while to see if that works for some weight loss. I'm on day 12. Days 1-10 were pretty gosh darn good. Lost a few pounds (probably mostly water) but I was in ketosis (a first for me) so who knows - maybe some of it was fat But then days 11 and 12 were bad. Totally binged on nuts both days. And even some jiffy peanut butter ( ) that was in the house FOR THE DOG - I bought that kind on purpose thinking at least I'll never eat this... oh well. Pick up and move on. But don't forget - I can't believe how achy I am this morning. My hips ache and that weird pain in my foot is back... too many inflammatory stuff in the crappy bag-o-nuts I inhaled yesterday. Maybe If I actually read this log the next time a binge is coming on it will actually help.

Have you ever had your thyroid checked out; free T4/T3 as well as TSH? Maybe that could be a reason for your lack of weight loss. Also, if you're craving nuts, you can try adding more good fats in your meals. Turkey and chicken are lean proteins, do you cook those in coconut or avocado oil? Adding more fatty protein sources may help with the mid-day nut cravings- worth a shot!

Self-realization. I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, "... I drank what?"

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No I haven't... I don't have a good doctor and just get frustrated when I try to talk to her. I've been tracking calories for crossfit and am over 100g per day of fat so I'm fine there I honestly think part of it is just that I'm restricting calories and I'm hungry... 9 days in a row of hunger and I just wanted to eat! I was proud that even mid-binge I didn't resort to dairy (on the no-no list) or the usual dried fruit. Small victories. I need to look into finding a new doctor.

still felt hungry after dinner - had a bite of leftover steak and got myself 1 serving of nuts... which once again turned into too many probably 3-4 ounces total.

Then we went to a friends house and I ate a few slices of cheese, pepperoni and strawberries... if this had been the first time I slipped up I would have thought it was a pretty minor slip - but after my 2 days of nut binges...

I just don't seem to understand why I can't say no to food. And it is probably time to throw away the nuts and stop buying them!

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FINALLY got to go snowshoeing today! About 50 miles away got almost a foot of snow compared to our 1"... so the pup and I headed out there. Probably did 4ish miles or so - this was his first time with me snowshoeing. We got him this summer from a shelter and he is a "southern" dog from Kentucky. But he did great today. He is tough off-leash because other people and dogs are just so darned exciting. But I knew this trail isn't heavily used so I kept him with his leash attached to his harness but I wasn't holding the leash. He was so good! He would walk a little ahead of me and turn and look for me the whole way out - never getting more than 20 ft or so from me. On the way back he ran ahead more (I'm assuming because he "knew" the way based on scent). But he would still come each time I called him back. I meant to buy Crisco for his paws but forgot - but he seemed fine. Tomorrow my plan is to do some real mountain hiking with him - it will be warmer but also a longer day so I'll definitely lube up his paws before we go. He is still young and being trained - but today was like a snapshot of what (hopefully!) he'll be like in another year or so - the perfect hiking dog

Also did a short cross country ski and some pond hockey

Food today -

BF - 3 HB eggs with 1 tbsp Kerrygold butter and coffee

Snack - 3-4 oz deli roast beef

Dinner (~4PM) - big salad with homemade roasted turkey breast - A LOT - I was STARVING by this point.

We were not home for dinner so the lettuce and turkey was all I could eat... so of course I also ate some dry roasted almonds while I was there - 2 ounces.

When we got home I was hungry again around 7 - 2 ounces of hazelnuts and .5 ounce of macadamia.

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I'm like one of those inflatable punching bags. Keep getting knocked down by binging, keep popping back to the same spot, to be knocked down again. Definition of insanity, check. So, I'm trying OA. Made it 13 days without a binge. Then July 4th happened. Eventually I will stop listening to the little voice that says "sure, you can have just ONE cookie... you will be fine...".

So, maybe OA will work. I am unsure of my stance on God. This makes it a little tougher. But for 13 days I made it to about 5 meetings and I didn't binge. I skipped a meeting on July 4th and I binged. I don't know what about the meetings helps - I don't feel any profound sense of relief from them or anything. In fact, sometimes it is hard to stay awake... but when I made it to planned meetings I didn't overeat. When I intentionally decided to skip one, I did. So back to meetings.

Trying the food plan idea too. My intuition is broken so I guess I just need to plan. I planned my food for today.

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Didn't make the workout Rx yesterday. The Rx weight, 65, was supposed to be "light" so I figured I should go lighter. Went 55 and did all the overhead movements unbroken until my 5th set. When I put the bar down on 13 out of 15.

Went to a family function last night so dinner didn't happen, ended up having the chicken and guac for a late lunch and munched on some fruit at the BBQ. Got home and had a big bowl of watermelon and 2 servings of macadamia nuts. Holy cow did I wake up dehydrated and thirsty today. I don't know if it was the late night salt bomb from the macs or what.

After a brief meltdown about the shittiness of having to deal with an eating disorder this morning I had a sort of epiphany. I have flat feet. I wear orthotics in my sneakers or else Danskos. The Danskos clogs look sort of silly with some of my outfits, but, I just wear them because or else my feet hurt. So, each day I deal with this "disorder" and act accordingly. I realized I have to treat my eating the same way. I don't turn into megabitch every so often because of the unfairness of my flat feet so why does my eating have the right to do that to me? My orthotics for my eating may have to be planning my meals and attending OA meetings. Each day I'll have to do that. It just is. I just have to accept that for now this is me and I just do what I have to do and stop whining about the unfairness of it all.

So. Planned my food:

B - usual, 3 eggs, 2 whites, sour cream and pico
L - 8 oz burger, onions, half head of iceberg with roasted beets and some blue cheese
D - beer (sometimes it happens... we are going to a concert and meeting friends early at a bar) - I'm bringing some macadamia nuts with me as a snack
If I'm hungry when I get home - frozen blueberries with coconut milk

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Awesome concert last night. Enjoyed 3 IPAs over the course of the evening. Forgot the macadamia nuts but I wasn't hungry anyway. Passed out pretty quick once I came home.

I've noticed that eating non-primal doesn't cause the same problems it used to. For the first 6 months or so of primal when I would eat wheat, drink beer, etc I'd have some pretty major GI issues as a result. That doesn't seem to happen anymore.

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Was going to have the burger and onions but was at a friend's house with homemade sauce made with sausages and meatballs... skipped the meatballs as they were made with breadcrumbs but had a little sausage and sauce. Had some 85% chocolate when I came home.

Didn't have much of an appetite today.

B - 3 eggs, 2 whites, pico, sour cream (at 1 PM... odd)

Handful of macadamia nuts before crossfit, then protein after. Deadlift PR while there

Munched on carrots making dinner
D - 8 oz burger, grilled onions, zucchini with garlic all on a salad and jicama and some guac on the side
1 cup strawberries, 1 cup blueberries and 1 cup coconut milk

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Have you ever had your vitamin D3 levels checked? That achiness can be caused by deficiency. If you can, get tested and then supplement in to the upper half of normal with a good quality D3.

You could also try eliminating nightshades for a while to help with pain - no potatoes, tomatoes, peppers, eggplant, paprika, or tomatillos for a while. You have to be very strict for about one month and then can try them again.

Using low lectin/nightshade free primal to control autoimmune arthritis. (And lost 50 lbs along the way )

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Thanks for the tips - the pain post was from a while ago. I've been taking Vit D for a while and have eliminated the nightshades that give me stomach problems - eggplant and peppers. I've been on a tomato kick this summer and seem to be doing ok... the chronic pain has eased up.

Did day 4 of Starting Strength this AM.

165 lb squat, 3 sets of 5
75 lb press, this was a PR for me but didn't make 3 x 5, went 4,5,4
95 lb clean - my form is bad so I'm doing hang cleans instead to avoid an early pull - 5 x 3 all good - these didn't feel bad, think 100 will be doable in workout 6. I remember when I could barely power clean 85 and 100 seemed absurd.

L - left over 4 oz burger, big bowl of left over watermelon, leftover guac, roasted broccoli - ended up cleaning out a lot of the fridge with this one Now I have to find a way to use up the wilting celery...

D - ? Going to look for recipes

So our garden is not doing very well. Last summer we did lettuce, tomatoes, zucchini and eggplant. The lettuce bolted pretty early because I didn't know direct sunlight wasn't good for it - so this year we moved it to a shadier area. A few days after planting it we got crazy amounts of rain for a week straight and the heads of lettuce grew into tight little balls. Now we haven't had any rain in a few weeks and it just doesn't seem to be doing well. The tomatoes that I purchased said they were grape tomatoes but they aren't grape tomatoes. But at least they are growing! The zucchini and spaghetti squash are doing the same thing as last year - huge plants, tons of flowers, no fruit. I took the soil in to be tested at it turns out it is to basic - pH of nearly 8. So we put some sulfur down but the guy helping me figured it was from the chlorine in the water - and this year we are watering a ton because of the lack of rain so we probably aren't helping the situation for next year... Even our raspberry bush only put out like 10 raspberries. Sigh. We are screwed if we survive the apocalypse

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Ended up eating leftover crab cakes for dinner last night. Nice and easy and cheap - love em. Felt hungry after dinner - "sat with it" for a few hours and ate a handful of macadamia nuts around 9:30 because I really thought it might have been real hunger.

Ran with the dog this AM... 27:50 for 3 miles. I bit off of my usual 8:30-8:45 pace. Met a friend to hike and did maybe 4 miles on the AT. I love that area of MA - so pretty and quaint. The trailhead was near a pond which was much more of a mud pit than I assume it usually is. I wonder if thru hikers are having a hard time with water sources drying up...