Prince Phillip apologises for Queen’s racial outburst

The Duke of Edinburgh has apologised on behalf of Her Majesty the Queen today, after footage of her making inappropriate remarks about the Chinese went public.

Elizabeth II was filmed saying to a senior police officer at a garden party “Fackin’ chinkies, always causin’ argy bargy ain’t they? Had some of them rude slitty-eyed midgets up the palace; right bunch of arse’oles they were an’ all.

“Ere, gie us another Pimms wouldja? Ta…”

Prince Philip said this morning “My wife deeply regrets her comments from yesterday, and wishes to say that she has nothing but positive feelings about China and its great people.

“She is nursing a bit of a headache this morning but she is sorry, and we should all move on.

“After all, we’ve all made the odd faux pas after a tipple or three haven’t we?”

This is not the first time the Queen’s masterfully diplomatic consort has had to leap to her defense and bail her out after wildly inappropriate comments.

Most famously the Duke apologised after Her Majesty referred to Margaret Thatcher s black lesbian lover as ‘ a muff diving jungle bunny’.

But not everyone agrees that the Queen has even gaffed at all this time.

Royal fan Wendy Nailinthehead said “What’s all the fuss about? I mean she’s not wrong, is she. You ever tried asking a waiter for a glass of tap water at an All-You-Can-Eat Chinese buffet in Soho? Rudest people in the world, them yellers.”

But Tim Twanks, a man with more than two brain cells said “We shouldn’t be too harsh. You would probably struggle to find any 90-year old in the country with an opinion on the Chinese that was printable, let alone one who could engage in diplomacy with them.

“But then again, maybe that’s just another reason why we shouldn’t get unelected nonagenarians to represent us internationally at all.”