Don’t cha just love social media? Some of my favorite things to see are mealtime photos. (Insert sarcasm) I don’t know how we got by in years past without showing the world every meal we were about to enjoy.

The detailed descriptions of exotic cuisines and clever plating fill our feeds daily. We showcase our wines and our latest delicacy for all to envy.

Well… Let me paint a picture of my eating today.

Please understand there will be no fancy, gourmet, French foods in my photo.

Rather, today I ate my feelings.

I started out with a quick meal of nothingness. I ate empty.

Then as my chaotic workday continued, and my stomach growled, I reached for convenience. I ate guilt, ill preparedness, condemnation and shame.

By the afternoon, I was on a roll. I had a large portion of exhaustion, a heaping helping of frustration, and an extra side of I don’t give a flip.

For a nightcap, a bowl of maybe tomorrow…probably not, drizzled with who cares, sometimes it feels hopeless.

Lastly, topped off with I need you, God.

Today, I ate my feelings. You won’t find that picture scrolling through a social media feed, but many of us see it every day….in the mirror.

Mark 12:28-31 says:
28 One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?” 29 “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.[e] 30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’[f] 31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[g] There is no commandment greater than these.”

I have heard those scriptures countless times but I gained a greater understanding of them today.

God is a God of order and the order in these verses is no coincidence. Jesus said Love the Lord your God first, then your neighbor. How can we do it any other way? God is Love. So if we don’t love God first, then what we have to offer our neighbor is a love that is lacking. By loving Christ first, we become a channel of His love for our neighbor. He equips us, He teaches us, He shows us, He uses us to love with His love. The real kind, not surface, not a go through the motions kind, but genuine, authentic, and sincere.

My heart is stirring and I am praying that I will fall deeper in love with Christ, with my whole heart, so that I may love and serve those that I come in contact with as Christ did when He walked this earth. Nehemiah built the wall in 52 days. I want to build my part of the wall. Father, use me in Your Kingdom.

You are driving along thinking of a million things at once. The thought slips into your mind that a cold drink would be nice. You take a mental inventory of who is in the car. You rationalize, “the kids would really like a drink…in fact, they probably need a snack.” So you determine which drive thru is close. Within minutes, you pull in…for the children. You decide as you wait behind the four cars in front of you that you will only get a tea, after all, you are trying to stick to a plan so let’s make it an unsweet tea. The kids are getting a drink and fries. As you approach the speaker, you think….fries? Fries sound good…it’s just a potato, right?

As the voice in the box asks how they may help you, you think of the kids first, of course. =) After ordering drinks and fries for everyone on board, you mumble …”and an unsweet tea.” The voice in the box says, “and a sweet tea?” and before you can fight the urge to correct him, you say, “Yes! and another large order of fries!” It’s like a monster within rose up and took over before you could stop it! Where did that come from???

You then hear, “If your order on the screen is correct, please drive forward.”

Correct? Let’s see…if that means, continue the patterns you’ve had for years that landed you in the plus size world, then, yes, Mr. Voice in the Box, it is correct. You remind yourself…This will not make me a Trim Healthy Mama!!! The other side of your thoughts is screaming…”but wait! That’s not on plan!!!” So you calculate all the ways in your mind to make this ok. “I will not be eating dinner for another two hours…I will make sure that I walk tonight (knowing that you won’t)…this is supposed to be “free style, right?!?!”

You proceed to drive forward to pay (at least monetarily) for your unhealthy choice. As you pass the large, colorful, well-lit, menu with the perfected pictures of desserts, out of the corner of your eye, you catch a glimpse of the melting chocolate chip cookies. You think of the kids…kind of. So as the battle over the sweet tea and fries rages within, just before you hand him the money for your order, you say…

“Can I add an order of chocolate chip cookies, please?”

STOP THE MADNESS! LOL Can you relate to this scenario? I had a great laugh with my mother in law yesterday as we compared this same scene for each of us. I make excuses all the time to go to drive thrus. It is true that I really am in the car a lot because my commute to work is 45 minutes each way, but that doesn’t excuse the daily stops, and sometimes multiple times a day. My name is Charli and I am the ultimate Drive Thru Sue. Because I know this is a big problem for me, I made a commitment to not go to any drive thru’s in the month of October. Yes, 31 days of no drive thru’s whatsoever for any reason. We are three days in and doing good so far!

Continuing to have small victories and rejoicing over them. I did PiYo workouts a few times this week, made several awesome Trim Healthy Mama recipes that again, my family loved! I’m down another pound this week, so that’s 8 pounds total. Moving forward, planning ahead and packing food from home …and no drive thrus!!!

It’s almost midnight and I really should be asleep. I can’t stop thinking…so I decided to just get up and put those thoughts in writing.

I am feeling pretty good about my first month of “free styling” my way through Trim Healthy Mama. Granted, I didn’t reach my goal of total consistency, but I really can’t be disappointed in a 7 pound loss. I was more consistent than I had been before, but I can do better. And that’s what I want to do. I want to rein in some of those “free styling” methods and follow this plan a little closer. My new goal is to make reusable menu plans and shopping lists that fit my family. There are many menus available online, but most do not fit with what our family would do. I will post my menus as I work them out.

September is almost gone (crazy, huh?!). With October just a couple of days away, I have another new goal. I am now at 214 and my goal is to be in “One-der Land” by the end of October. That’s a steep goal, I know, but if I can stick to plan and do more workouts, I believe it is possible!

Praying for wisdom and guidance and believing in His faithfulness!

Psalm 32:8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.

My emotions, hormones, and eating was all over the place this week. Things started out pretty good, but I fell into a bit of a funk. Long story short…since the miscarriage, my system has been out of whack. I guess my body is still working on getting back to normal. I was twelve days late. So around 8-10 days late, I started taking pregnancy tests thinking maybe I was pregnant again. Despite the negative results, by 12 days late, I was convinced that I was pregnant and it just wasn’t showing up yet. Well, needless to say…and as much as I tried not to… I let my mind wonder. So when my monthly visitor came, it was physically and emotionally challenging. I really struggled this week.

We’ve all heard: One step forward, two steps back. Well, it was more like… 5 pounds down, 3 pounds up. Ugh. On a positive note, I was able to spend some time with God this weekend and try to get my thinking straight again. Tomorrow is a new day.