A Very Un-Rockin’ Post, That Will Not Make Me A Star – And I’m Okay With That

Times it is okay, and not okay, to use the term “Rock Star” to describe someone:

“Sarah, you were a rock star at organizing that spaghetti-feed!”Not okay. If you are involved with a spaghetti feed, you have ceased to be a star of rock.

DOES ANYBODY REMEMBER COLLATIIIIIING??!!

“You got that paperwork done, sorted and filed already? You’re such a rock star!”Not okay. It’s subtle difference, but notice how one is monotonous, tedious, and very rarely results in sexual encounters with multiple strangers.

“You played that concert like a rock star!” Acceptable! Notice the logic. *Note: unless a flute is involved. Yes, I’m including Jethro Tull in that. Especially Jethro Tull.

“Oh, I’m a rock star at parallel parking.”Depends. Does this end with needing to purchase a new vehicle?

“People tell me I’m kind of the rock star of shipping and receiving.”Unacceptable, unless you have a pony tail and people are making fun of you when they say it.

“I was a rock star at giving birth.”Hm. Not… not really a frame of reference for this one. I suppose, technically that’s true, unless there’s a totally off-the-hook Pretenders concert I don’t know about.

“You found my keys? Oh, thank you; you’re a rock star!”Unacceptable. Yes, we all know that Keith Richards is famous for his ability to find keys, but he’s the exception, people.

“You said something idiotic to a borderline plagiarized tune and are now proclaiming yourself a genius? You’re such a rock star!”Acceptable!

“Look at this hotel room! You, my friend, are a rock star.”Potentially. I’m guessing you’re so happy because the room is tidy. That or you’re expressing your horror at the trashed room in a manner that would leave a lot to tone and cadence. We’ll go with a case-by-case on this one.

And, you know what? I think that’s about it. There might be a few positives I’ve missed, and a LOT of examples of the negative I’m forgetting, but let’s go with “Unacceptable” for pretty much everything else.

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About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Blog in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

As impressive and fantastic as her efforts are, and as clever and kind as your comment is, I just can’t let this one in. As soon as I hear about Jack White’s Blogger Get-together Social Event, I will let you know…

Hey can I call myself a Rockstar if i serve tea to anyone and everyone who comes to my house at anytime they want…cos i might have been growing something in that extra room and now serve it calling it special Tea from Japan!!

Do I count as a rock star because every morning, I sing to my kids: “Does anyone remember how to sleep?!” then pass out in my bowl of oatmeal? (I’m a bit sleep deprived lately due to my daughter’s nightmares, so if this comment makes no sense, that is why)

Amen to Jethro Tull! I’ll never forgive them for winning the first ever Heavy Metal Grammy over Metallica. Sure it’s not their fault, but they could’ve said, “Thanks to the voters but, I’m sorry, there’s no bloody way we deserve this.”

I’m afraid I have to lodge a protest on the Jethro Tull dissing. Back in the day (take it from somebody over 50) everybody THOUGHT that you could do rock star flute. That was before the Ron Burgandy parody.

But I just love those cheesy American (with apologies for being a Brit) films where a bunch of High School kids meet aliens and save the universe through the power of Rock and Roll, or Buck Rogers in the 25th Century getting heavy with a crappy futuristic guitar and a silly hair-do. If he can be a rock star I think I should be allowed to call my mum a rock star when she figures out how to use the internet!

If your Brit mum figured out how to use the internet, she IS a rock star. There’s something about the older generation of British women that won’t let them figure it out. I’d like to see the Queen Google her grandson’s outlandish behaviour (<— yep, I'm a Yank and I just wrote it like that). Just sayin'….

I disagree, Byronic. I think that I am a rock star at just about everything (except making friends, for some weird reason), which would make it more a matter of person than situation. You are a rock star at blogging… clearly. This is not open to debate. At all. Rock Star says so.

I’m with you on this. I have never heard anyone described as a “rock star” for doing mundane things (in the UK), so would be keen to stamp out this unfortunate phrase.
“You fell out with your fellow band members due to your heroin addiction like a rock star” works.
“You mowed the lawn like a rock star” does not – although Keith Moon did buy a ride on mower in his pomp and it ended up in his pond.
On another note, what is the most mundane thing anyone has done, yet still earned the compliment “you did that like a rock star”…?