Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD walked unsteadily back to her seat "Please do forgive me, I attended a football match earlier this week and this kind gentleman that I met gave me a funny cigarette, I feel much better now thank you and I think we should now press on with this case without further ado"

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD shuffled her papers â€œI do believe that there is a good case against Capâ€™n Cronan, you only have to look at him to deduce what an evil, lying dirty, stinking blaggard he is, not that I want to prejudice the judgement of course. I find it strange that the prosecution seem quite incapable of providing a credible witness who can substantiate their case, however we must press onâ€

â€œIt is time for the defence to make their case, Capâ€™n Cronan I understand you intend to represent yourself you horrible scheming apparition, please continue as I want you hung before the day is outâ€

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

All eyes turned toward Cronan who, shrouded in mist as he was, cut a ghastly figure. It was so silent in the Court Room you could hear a very small cocktail stick in the shape of a cutlass drop. A bell began to toll, the sound seeming to come from the depths of the ocean itself. Still Cronan made no reply.

The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

Cronan raised his gaze and stared levelly at Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small piece of paper. He passed it to the judge.

The court was silent as Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD unwrapped the message from Cronan. She looked at it, and the blood drained from her face.

The paper fluttered to the ground, and there was a gasp as the public gallery saw what it contained...

The Black Fish Head was a step up in Pirate lore from the dreaded Black Spot...

Only once before had a Black Fish Head exchanged hands in the history of Piracy...and that was stuff of legend. The Black Spot meant the recipient was deposed as Captain and was almost certainly a death sentence. The Black Fish Head meant...actually no one had a bleeding clue what it meant...but it was something pretty ghastly.

A court usher came running into the court with a heavy volume in his hands.

"Here," he shouted. "It's listed in here!"

Everyone gathered around the ancient book. The usher flicked through the pages until he reached 'B'. "There!" Someone called. "Look there..."

ancient book wrote:Black Fish Head, The An ancient evil icon from the pirate world. It is alleged to bring pain, torment and disaster to the recipient. This, however, is only a matter of conjecture as in recent times the BlacK Fish Head has been used as a diversionary tactic. Typically, it is used by someone in a courtcase to direct attention away from themselves as they make good their escape.

Legend has it that the greatest exponent of the BFH gambit is the notorious Cap'n Cronan. On several occasions he has thwarted...

They looked up to see the dock empty. Everyone rushed to the window just in time to see a fog shrouded ship sailing towards the open sea.

Lord Judge Superior N. Owitall Bar stomped into the court once more.

"You've done it again!" he shouted. "Pull yourself together and get someone hanged, will you!"

7. Making fake time-aged material to prove the origins of certain recipes.

Grand Deducer Watson of Sherlock. NoName, no pack drill. Astral zone changed five times a day (flexible). Great at manifesting parking spaces by thought control. Hatred of terminology of survivors and commitment to win-win reality.

Your honour I call the Piratica Football Coach Auntie Dee Dee to the stands.

'Auntie Dee Dee, you were recently in charge of Piratica during the World Cup. During the lead up, there were several unusual incidents involving Russian Mafia betting rings, Uzi toting gangsters and illegal drugs entering players water bottles. Am I correct?'...