You've got to hand it to 50 Cent: he hasn't let his complete lack of success in acting, writing or directing dim his enthusiasm for making movies. Terrible, terrible movies. Unwatchable movies. Movies that make you wonder what kind of a benevolent God would allow 50 to continue to make movies. According to SOHH.com, 50 Cent intends to ramp up his production of terrible, terrible movies by financing a slate of films through his Cheetah Vision production company. Would a company named Cheetah Vision waste its time with anything other than great art?

The production company's first venture will be a terrible, terrible film about gun-dealers co-starring Val Kilmer, who first paired with 50 in the mind-bogglingly awful New Orleans cop drama Streets of Blood. It's just one of several scripts 50 wrote and plans on financing himself. You know, cause they're too good for regular old studios to purchase and greenlight. Ironically, 50 crows that the upcoming film will be a socially conscious exploration of what happens when guns land in the wrong hands. As someone who fetishizes gunplay and mindless bloodshed, 50 is singularly unqualified to make a strong pro-gun-control statement. 50 also intends to make a boxing drama with Nicolas Cage, though that seems to be on the back-burner for now, and many other projects too soul-crushing to contemplate. Will the marble-mouthed, monotone, charisma-impaired MC shock everyone and become an acclaimed thespian and innovative screenwriter? God no. We remain, uncharacteristically, deeply pessimistic.