Warning : May contain more than your daily recommended allowance of randomness

I don’t own a bed

I’ve been married a few years now, so I’ve learned a few things about relationships. And I’ve learned that women sometimes see things differently than men do.

Just recently I learned that we do not have a bed in our bedroom. This was quite the surprise for me, because I always thought we were sleeping in a bed. I mean, it’s a bed frame with a couple of mattresses, along with pillows, sheets, and blankets. To me, that’s a bed. But apparently it’s not a bed. I’m not sure what it is, then. Can anyone explain this?

I did find out why it’s not a bed, though — it doesn’t have the decorative headboard and footboard on it. Supposedly that makes it a bed. Uhh, yeah… So I’m still not sure what we have, but I’m going to call it a bed anyway…

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Laughing is good for you. So this blog is a buffet of randomness and humor. Most of the content here is original and thus exclusive to this site. I encourage everyone to participate in the comments section -- it makes it more fun for everyone.

if it’s the headboard and footboard that makes it a bed… just try sleeping on THAT for a few nights… you will soon change your opinion and find that even if it’s just a mattress on the floor surrounded by dirty laundry… it is indeed a bed and you’ll be glad to have it!

What if, like my wife and I, you have a headboard but no footboard? Is this a half bed, or is there a totally new word to be made up for this? I wish someone could answer me. Maybe the Holiday Inn Express guy could help us out. Since he stays in a hotel so much, I bet he knows a thing or two about different beds, non-beds, or whatever. 🙂

The basic point here is not whether you have a bed or not. If you’ve got a horizontal, padded, and elevated sleeping surface, that’s pretty close to something like a bed.* The issue here is probably that your wife wants a new bed, thus the disparaging of your current sleeping platform.

Oh, and the headboard but no footboard thing? Just paint a footboard on the opposite wall. When you’re in the bed, it looks so real.

*There are some exceptions to this rule. Hammocks, counches, recliners, sleeping bags on a table, and inflatable mattresses are an exception to this rule. Have you ever suggested to your wife that you could get a big hammock instead of a bed? Don’t.

I could see this argument going on for a while, so let’s take what should be the first step in any debate or argument of this kind : define the terms. Here’s the official definition, according to The Free Dictionary:

“A piece of furniture for reclining and sleeping, typically consisting of a flat, rectangular frame and a mattress resting on springs.”

So it is indeed a bed regardless of whether you have any decorative furniture attached to the frame. Just what I figured… 🙂