Archive for January, 2016

this is going a lot shorter then last week, mostly because for some reason I have been exceedingly tired. It feels rather more then usual. Normally the first blame would have been going late to bed, however for once I can not even put the blame squarely there. I have been sleeping well reasonably (bar Sunday but okay) – However I slept wonderfully last night.

Granted there is a chance that this was the exhaustion talking. The thing that bothers me mostly is that due to me being so tired, I have very little inspiration to actually do any kind of writing. I have the drive but nothing to heavily – which is the part that annoys me. I need more time, to sit down and work out a plan what I am writing about and work with that.

Coming up with a plan is about half the work in most cases. But sadly this weekend and these last two days my brain has been too much of a much to do anything else. I know partly why actually; I am taking some steps moving away from a few projects that I have been associated with for the last, well eight years give or take. And while I have not been active in a long time in them, the step to actually step back from the limelight and into the shadows was a pretty hard one to take.

Mostly time, and circumstances have changed and I am needing more time to focus on other things and perhaps trying to unburden myself for not being as involved as I once was. Time will tell how things work out in the long run. Change, as most will know, is always difficult, even more so to me (look, I am a precious little snowfl..snow-leopard okay!).

It is quite possible that I am in part so tired because of all this and a few other things that happened. I had also some tests done on Friday that I was very nervous about. No, please do not worry, nothing serious, or there is anything wrong with me. Mostly they are tests that will help me deal with a few things and get a few things in my noggins straight.

Yes, yes, I am very aware that this sounds so very curious. I am not really doing it to be curious but perhaps trying to walk a very thin and fine line between disclosing what is going on in my head and choosing for relatively privacy. If you really want to know, feel free to ask me about it and I may tell you more.

But I fear that this is all I have to say this week, blogging over the next weeks may be a little bit more irregular then always – especially as I have plans to reinstall my computer and rebuild that over the next weekend, although I will say – this time around it will be a lot more quicker as I hopefully do not have to compile a lot of things

And with that, I am going to post this quickly, then hop off-line to get some sleep. Another long day is ahead of me tomorrow. I hope you are all having a good week and that the days ahead may even be better.

Above all, thank you for letting me rant, yes I know, as I often say, this is my blog but I als feel that I can happily rant here and a little bit unload and share more of myself, so thank you for that

Right, tonight I want to talk to you all about something that has been getting on my beef for the last few weeks. Bad dominants, and yes this topic will probably will lead probably quite a bit in to a rant. But before I delve into the topic, I will say this: There are some wonderful dominants out there, that I am truly honoured and blessed to know and have played with.

So; what would I call a good dominant? Someone who knows they are dominant (well, yes) but can also act on that without being an arrogant arse. For me, you can be dominant without showing this off by carrying multiple whips or several cuffs (dreaded Dom belt anyone?), or, Bastet forbids, trying to dominate and control everyone in a 10 meter radius. Dominant is about attitude, yes. But you can carry that attitude quietly, in your bearing, in your behaviour.

A dominant for me is one, who displays care, love even for their charges, who listens to a submissives wants and needs and that do not disregard what the submissive said without a thought. Who is sure of themselves and does not feel a need to beat their chest to prove it.

So where would I start on what a bad dominant is. Oh boy, I think I am spoilt for choice. I think in the last few weeks, I have had more then my fair share of bad dominants. So I want to talk about this a bit more in-depth and why the idea that this is a bad thing.

I do feel I need to emphasise that this is not written about a hate for dominants, or that I think that all dominants are bastards and wrong to begin with. As I will point out in the end of this blog, there are certain situations where us submissives are just as well as fault as the dominants for creating this. I can not stress this enough. This is just something I have ran into with various dominants online in the last few weeks.

There is perhaps a reason why this has happened mostly with online dominants, although I will admit that my interactions with BDSM these days are mainly confined to that medium. However I do know that these things do happen in real life just as easy. Perhaps at times real life communities are a little bit better at weeding out the bad and the miserable so to speak.

So the best format I could come up with for writing this blog in, is in the form of a list. Kind of like the questions and answer format that I just adore because it makes writing so easier. Thus I have spend the last twenty (okay forty-five with being side tracked) minutes setting out my outline for this blog (at the time of writing, as I wrote this over two days);

Well this is a bit later then expected, and I am struggling even now to get it finished. The last two nights – and really most of the weekend – I have not really been sleeping well. Nothing like it used to be where I am up all night, although with my current sleep schedule it may have just as well been that. This sadly meant that I have neglected my blogging by and large because I have severely lacked the energy.

On the slightly more positive side, after being nagged by friends, I have actually given in and went to see a doctor about my cough. The result is that I am currently on antibiotics, and had an x-ray made to see what is causing it. Time (probably next week at the earliest) will tell what the results are from that.

However I did not want to let this week go by without having written a blog. Something in the last two days have made me think about a third topic and some folks might not find pleasant to hear, but I think it is a subject that perhaps I do need to write about. That subject is on engaging with dominants – especially those with nefarious motives or those that are less willing to listen to negotiation, or frankly are willing to bypass your needs and wants immediately.

However, I am nothing if not stubborn. So I am going to do a little bit of a cop out and publish the second part of the the next twenty questions that I had planned for a later date. However in the second part there are some questions that I give me pause. I think I have to draw somewhere the line between being honest and at least to some degree preserve a certain amount of decorum.

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you all have had a wonderful holidays. I had a lovely time on holiday and feel actually quite exhausted and in dire need of a week of solitary confinement. Going away is lovely and it was great to see my family and it was the visit that by and large went as I dreamt it would have gone (no dream like that is ever perfect). Still, it is good to be home, and sleep in my own bed and have my own things around me.

As you all may noticed I did not exactly keep my promise on taking a break. Mostly because some of the writings seem to come when I was relaxing and I liked the idea of writing. Regardless, I got my 52 blogs in a year in, so i am pretty happy about that all in all. Some of the numbers: The blog was viewed a total of 45,000 times (as bit less then last year with 55,000 views). However the biggest post was on the 4th of December, which was viewed 827 times. This in contrast with best post last year that was viewed 327 times.

There have been a few very interesting questions coming in both on this blog and on the subbie union one: Both which I will address here in time (read sooner rather than later). The first is a very interesting question by Lady Gotham, who asked me to write about the gender point of view in relation to submission. This question came in response to the blog that I wrote in the third person by the request of another dominant. So that is a seriously deep and good question and I am looking forward to getting my teeth in that.

The other question is very much more pertaining to the virtual world of Second Life and the way the restraints are working there, so that will also be a good chance to write something about the differences between that world and the virtual. I love it when there are in-depth reactions to blog that I can get my teeth in.

As for the start of this year. After all I originally said I wouldn’t really start until next week, I am going to do one of these umpteenth questions so that you know what kind of deviant I really am. Now (as an after edit), this is a list of a hundred questions. Which I will never ever get done in a single night.

So for tonight – I am going to publish the first 20 one and consider this a sort of part 1 of 5. I hope you enjoy! (more…)

Announcements

This blog will be updated weekly, usually around Sunday at the latest. Other posts may appear at random intervals.

Quote of the Moment:

"There are two kinds of strengths: the strength to lead, and the strength to follow; the strength to control, and the strength yield. There are two kinds of power: the power to strip away another's soul bare, and the power to stand naked."