Worlds worst publisher struggles on : reading public 'appalled'

Eastley Books, a by-word in the publishing industry for ill-judged, poorly timed and just plain wrong publishing ventures, has reported a significant annual trading loss for the fourth year on the trot .

"It's been another tough year for us" admitted CEO Bob Vines "We had high hopes for the December launch of the NRA's 'Assault Rifle Etiquette', but this completely misfired on us. Coming so soon after 'The Jimmy Savile Childcare and Development Guide' debacle it was a bitter pill to swallow."

Bob also revealed that the company had really suffered with the inexplicable failure of the various spin-off products generated by the Paris Olympics.

There had been a glimmer of hope from the collaborative re-work of 'How to make Friends and influence People' with Bashar Assad.
"There were reports that they were literally flying off the shelves" reminisced Bob fondly "But this was later attributed to a car-bomb outside the distribution centre"

But the blindly oblivious and almost moronically optimistic CEO knows that however beleaguered the company is, the staff are always 100% behind him.
"They support me through thin and thinner - it is truly inspiring" admits Bob, although staff have revealed that this is mostly morbid curiosity on their part.

Bob is typically upbeat about the prospects in the pipeline

"we've just released the Chris Huhne volume in the Great Parlimentarians series : expect to see that one speeding up the best seller list. And we have got a new cookbook for the UK market, real cutting edge stuff. 'Horses for Courses' - it'll run and run"

FP quality, very nice idea but to make it easier to get picked, you might pay a bit more attention to punctuation and grammar, plus some fleshing out wouldn't go amiss as it is on the short side when any number of other gags might fit. Terms like "blindly oblivious and moronically optimistic" don't fit either - what the character says should make that point rather than commentary by the author. All the same, 5*.

BTW, I chanced on the real authorised biography of Jimmy Savile in a charity shop recently. Probably dwells on his charity work mostly.

Thanks for the comments - a bit of a re-tweak to flesh it out a bit more
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Eastley Books, a by-word in the publishing industry for ill-judged, poorly timed and just plain wrong publishing ventures, has reported a significant annual trading loss for the fourth year on the trot.

"It's been another tough year for us", admitted CEO Bob Vines,"Twelve months ago, we had some amazing titles lined up : 'Mitt Romney's Journey to the White House', 'The Jimmy Savile Childcare and Development Guide', 'The Little Blair Book of Humility'. Oh, the potential! We even had Lance Armstrong on board, with the latest volume of his autobiography, 'Beating USADA : Who's the Dope Now ?' - all terrific books, all complete disasters. The inexplicable failure of the various spin-offs from the Paris Olympics has also been really perplexing"

After a puzzled pause, Bob continued. "We then had high hopes for the December launch of the NRA's 'Assault Rifle Etiquette', our big player for the US Christmas market, but even this misfired on us. It's been a real mystery to me."

Bob then conceded that there had been a glimmer of hope from the collaborative re-work of 'How to make Friends and influence People', undertaken with Bashar Assad.
"There were reports that the books were literally flying off the shelves" reminisced Bob fondly "But this was later attributed to a car-bomb outside the distribution centre".

But no matter how beleaguered the company is, Bob knows that the staff will always be 100% behind him.
"They continue to support me through thin and thinner - it is truly inspiring", admits Bob, "They follow my lead unquestioningly" - although staff have privately revealed that this is less out of loyalty and more through morbid curiosity on their part.

Bob is also indebted to the Publishers Association, who have offered to cover the companies operating costs with a payment from their Hardship Fund.
"Those guys !", Bob gushed, "Yet again the cavalry ride to our rescue. We can now ramp up our 2013 plans"
A spokesman for the Association said that Eastley Books hold a unique position in the world of publishing, and that they could not let them fail. "In comparison, we all look good" he conceded.

Meanwhile, Bob is typically upbeat about the prospects in the pipeline.
"We've just released the Chris Huhne volume in the Great Parlimentarians series : expect to see that one speeding up the best seller list. And we have got a new cookbook for the UK market, real cutting edge stuff. 'Horses for Courses' - it'll run and run"