Wednesday, November 23, 2016

May I Talk Things Over With My Husband--Or Is That Not Submissive?

A young wife read a popular Christian how-to-be-married
book. As a result, she decided to become doormat
submissive. She never questioned, never discussed, and didn’t express her opinion.
She was trying to be the perfect submissive wife.

It didn’t work. Her husband treated her
worse than before.

Noticing this result, she decided to
change. She made her opinions known. She stood up for herself from time to
time. She shared her thoughts with her husband.

He respected her more.

Why are Christian wives uncertain about how they’re supposed to act?

Many
Christian women misunderstand the word submit.It’s in several different places the Bible, but the most familiar
verse is this: Wives, submit yourselves unto
your own husbands, as unto the Lord (Ephesians 5:22). The words Be subject (in verse 21)are from the military term that
originally meant “to arrange or rank under.“* It doesn’t mean that women are
less important. It doesn’t mean that wives cannot express their opinions. It
means that the husband has the last say and that the final decision is his
responsibility. Just as the general leads troops under him, the husband leads
his wife. Just as the sergeant yields to the general, the wife yields to her
husband. The wife is one with her husband. She can share her heart with him.
Their family is a unit, and there needs to be communication at the top of that
unit.

So, how does this concept translate
to everyday husband-wife interactions?

Be honest. Tell the truth. Be
open. If you have a different opinion, you may express it respectfully.

Share. Do things together.
Share life and laughter. A lot of marital problems would disappear if partners
did more of life together.

Demonstrate love. Love is looking for
the other person’s good. Look for ways to bless your spouse. Love is also a
heart disposition to show love. “I love this man, therefore I will do this for
him.” Learn his love language.

Strive for oneness. When the Bible says they shall be one flesh (from Genesis
2:24), it means it. A husband and a wife become one when they marry. Each is a
vital part of the other. Each contributes to the union. Unity is important in
marriage. Division is fatal. That’s why the Bible advocates submission. The
wife yields to the head of the family in order for the home to run smoothly.

Enjoy each other. Marriage is the most
intimate relationship anyone can have. It’s about knowing each other in every
way. Sometimes though, “familiarity breeds contempt.” When we know all about
our spouse, he may seem less desirable. But marriage is supposed to be enjoyed.
Our husband should be our best friend. He is the best and most fun person we
could possibly be with. (Titus 2:4 says to love
their husbands. The word used for love
means a brotherly, friendship love. You can also read the book of Song of Solomon, which is about
enjoying intimacy.)

A
happy marriage means selflessness. It also means that both partners work
together on their marriage. A happy marriage means honesty, openness, and transparency.

Give
your opinion. Discuss and decide together. The ultimate decision is your
husband’s but you are part of him, and you may respectfully tell him what you
think.

Two
people will never agree 100% of the time. That’s impossible! We can agree most
of the time, though—and the last five or ten percent is easily yielded to
our husband’s judgment.

What if your husband makes the
call, and later everything falls apart? Instead of saying, “I told you
so” or singing “Na-na-na-boo-boo” and mocking him, you can be sure that he will
have marked this up in his mind as a lesson learned. You don’t even need to
mention it. He will seriously consider your opinion in the future. Biblical
submission is a win-win. You do the right thing, and your husband learns to
respect your opinions, just as you respect him as head of the home. It’s perfect!

Most women have the biggest
issues with their husbands in these two areas: 1. the discipline of children
and 2. spending. Let’s
take them one at a time.

Almost
always in a marriage, one parent is stricter than the other. You probably won’t
see eye-to-eye with your husband on every parenting decision. Discuss your
differences privately. It’s important to present a unified front—and be mutually
supportive—to your children. You can defer to your husband on certain
parenting issues, and he can defer to you. In the end, it will all balance out.

We’re
all pretty touchy when it comes to money. Why? It’s a question of values. One
spouse spends more freely than the other. One thinks this is important, and the other thinks that is something we can’t do without. It’s not really a matter of
who is correct; it’s about deciding together or yielding to your husband’s
decision. Usually one’s a saver and one’s a spender. My experience is that
these matters usually work themselves out as the years go by. Spouses grasp what’s truly important and what isn’t. It’s okay. The
family survives.

Mutual respect begins with
transparency and trust building.When a wife never voices her opinion, her husband cannot
respect her. When she discusses issues calmly and with love and courtesy and
leaves the final decision up to him, she earns his respect.

Hi and welcome to In the Way! I explore many subjects, striving always to present them from a biblical viewpoint. Feel free to browse the tabs at the top for general categories. If you don't see what you're looking for, use the search button below. I'm a pastor's wife, mother of two, grandma, teacher, author, and blogger. I live in a quaint little village in the beautiful Basque region of northern Spain.

I Belong To

Please Link Back

About Me

Lou Ann is a young-thinking grandma with an infectious laugh. She rejoices in nature and other beautiful things--including people! She's an avid writer and practices several other artistic expressions, like singing when no one's listening, calligraphy, photography, and even "serious art." Lou Ann loves her Lord Jesus Christ, family, and her church.