I want to die.

In Grade 7-8 I was bullied very badly. To the point that I attempted suicide 3 times, will not disclose the method. I was admited to a hospital for roughly 1 month. From that point on I have been feeling worse, everyday I live is the worse day of my life (To paraphrase from Office Space).

However, that is not the worst part. I believe there is something else wrong with me. Over these years I have felt that I have been battling with a seperate person, whom I shall call David. David is the opposite of me. He thrives on violence, pain, etc. At times I have running dialogues with this 'person', and often self medicate by self harm, or viewing pictures/videos of violence.

It has now gotten to the point that I can't deal with my life, or this on going battle. I want to die. I don't see a point to living anymore. I fear that I will lose this battle and turn into something I don't want to be. I don't know where to turn, I have seen Doctors and counsellers and have been prescribed Anti-deprassants. But it doesn't help.

I believe I have reached the end. I admit I don't truly open up to said Doctors, etc. Because the last time I did I ended up in the Hospital.