Teaching IELTS Students.

IELTS Essay Correction: Fixed Punishment For Each Type Of Crime.

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that circumstances of the individual crime and the motivation of committing it should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

While some people assert that punishment should be fixed for each criminal offense, others argue that its(refers back to each criminal offense) situation and purpose of each particular crime should be considered during the court trial before making a decision for the punishment. (You’ve beautifully connected the two opposing ideas using WHILE construction. While X, Y.) In my opinion, every crime case should be assessed individually in order to make fair and just decisions.

On the one hand, a standard punishment for each type of criminal offense acts as a deterrent to many potential criminalscrimes.(deterrent = something that deters PEOPLE from doing something.) When laws are enacted for a fixed punishment for each offense, people think twice before committing any crime (deterrence explained. Good!). As a result, crime rate significantly drops in a particular society. For instance, China in 2003 enacted capital punishment laws for preventing corruption (the law is for preventing an evil). As a consequence, the country successfully eradicated the evil of corruption from its government institutions. Therefore, having a fixed punishment for each crime helps to decrease the crime rate in a particular society.

The paragraph above is strong in task response – the idea is clearly written and adequately explained and concluded; the example is relevant. It scores well on cohesion, lexical resources, and grammar.

On the other hand, many believe that individual situation and motivation offor the crime should be considered in the trial before judgment, and I agree. In other words, it would be unfair to the defendant if the decision is made without analyzing the purpose of the crime. There are many cases where crime is not committed for wrong intentions. For example, a murder for self-defense is completely different from a murder for revenge and it would be unjust if both are considered the same. It would be unjust if both of the defendants(which defendants? You haven’t named any.)are given the same punishment such as a life sentence. Hence, courts should consider the circumstances of each crime before making any judgment.

Again, the arguments are well developed. The paragraph scores well on all assessment areas.

The paragraph structuring is also good – Body Paragraph 1 for view 1 and body paragraph 2 for view 2.

In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinions, I opine that courts should do the situational analysis of each criminal case in the trials before making decision for punishment.

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