BBC should stop spending gazillions of pounds on afternoon TV and box-set clever with its schedule

The Director General of the BBC says the broadcaster needs eleventy trillion pounds or there won't be any more British-made TV to pad out the schedules

Comment

By Jeremy Clarkson, Sun Columnist

4th November 2017, 2:45 am

Updated: 11th November 2017, 4:18 am

THE Director-General of the BBC says that unless he’s given eleventy trillion pounds immediately, there will be no more British-made television.

I can’t really comment on this because I don’t watch television any more, not in the way we used to in the olden days.

BBC

The BBC should save some cash - from the Attic or elsewhere - by admitting there's no need to fill its channels at two in the afternoon or four in the morning with shows no one is watching

I gorge on box sets. I did all eight seasons of Dexter in a week. I do entire runs of Game Of Thrones in a day. And when I’ve finished that, I always get a call from a friend saying what I should watch next.

Box-set recommendations are now a tent pole for all conversations in every pub, bar and restaurant in the land.

This means there’s no time to watch anything — apart from Pointless, obviously — on “normal” television.

There’s no doubt in my mind — not even a small one — that Britain in general and the BBC in particular could make drama to rival the best that America and Scandinavia are pumping out right now.

Britain in general and the BBC in particular could make drama to rival the best that America and Scandinavia are pumping out right now - just look at Line Of Duty

Tense final scenes of Line of Duty involved some serious marksman skil

We have the skills. We have the know-how. And we have the money.

Unfortunately, we are spending that money as though it’s 1954.

At present the BBC gets a huge chunk of change every year and has to spend a ton of it making shows to fill its channels at two in the afternoon or four in the morning.

It may not cost much to make those programmes where old people sell trinkets at an auction or look at houses by the seaside. But it costs something.

Splash News

Tony Hall, the Beeb’s Director-General, should understand that spending a lot on what we do well and not making the mortar that holds the schedules together will put us back in front

It’d be like Harvey Weinstein sayinghis sex pestery was all down to the fact that he’s straight.

I’m not sure the rest of us see it that way.

But who knows? It might work.

Next time I’m caught speeding, I’ll write to the court saying that I can’t help it. I like driving fast.

Est-hair is my tip for PM

Reuters

Esther's barnet gets Jeremy's vote

THERE’S a lot of talk at the moment about who will replace Theresa May and I think I have the answer – Esther McVey’s hair.

Esther is a former television presenter who’s now the Deputy Chief Whip and MP for Tatton, wherever that is.

I’m sure she’s done many things in her life that are important and clever but all of them are completely overshadowed by what’s growing out of her head.

If she were ever to speak to me, I’d be captivated, standing there with my mouth open, thinking: “How much did that cost?”

Her hair moves like she’s permanently stuck in a Timotei commercial

I’ve never see hair so magnificently and beautifully sculpted and teased and widened.

On some days, it’s three times bigger than her whole face.

And it moves like she’s permanently stuck in a Timotei commercial.

Boris Johnson may like to think he has the most interesting hair in the Commons, and Michael Fabricant is an obvious contender too – he’s a man who takes a picture of a mop to the barbers and says: “Like that – only the colour of urine.”

But both are soundly beaten by Esther’s.

Ex-TV presenter and Tory MP Esther McVey eyes up David Cameron's old seat

Come the next election, I’d just put it in front of a wind machine and post slow-motion videos on YouTube urging us to vote for Esther’s hair.

Corbyn wouldn’t stand a chance.

SHAPE BLIND

A COMPANY making electric cabs wanted to make them look like traditional black taxis.

And understandably, the company that makes those traditional black cabs said: “Er, you can’t do that.”

Not distinctive? Really? Next week, the judge will decide the Coca-Cola bottle isn’t distinctive either and there is nothing wrong with a company calling itself Heinz and selling baked beans in a green tin with “57” on the label.

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