ESRD Battle Archives

Today is going to be a difficult day. Well the last several years have been difficult but this time is for the good.This time unlike in a long time I’m fighting back or at least thinking about it. A fight that is long over due. I cant start at the beginning over 23 years ago a 240 lb,17 year old HS Defensive End suddenly diagnosed with End Stage Renal Disease ( ESRD ). Instead I’ll begin with this morning.

My phone rings about 7 this morning, on the line is a long time friend of mine. She is going thru accepting the truth of watching a young vibrant young lady stricken with illness come home to die. Her anger with the hospitals, her family for planning the funeral even the young lady herself for picking out her burial garments has her fuming as she drives to work. As we talk she calms down. She ends the call with thanks I knew I could count on you.

Wow me? Some one counting on me seemed a distant rumor. When did it change? When did I Start to believe God would forsaken any of us much more me? When did futility set in to the point I forgot I fell down so there wasn’t any thought of getting up?

This is really hard to pin point, but I did start to realize the fact when reevaluating my “WHY?” in my business.Most of my life my “WHY?” has been simply “That’s What The [email protected]&K I Do”. I can market anything, I at one point had web sites that emailed me every 2 minutes of purchases. Now I cant find a why except “WHY TRY?” I know Search Engine Optimization on my sleep yet I run half campaigns for myself and make half attempts to get clients.

I downloaded an audio call something like I know what to do, How come I’m not Doing It, last year and never listened to it. Has this disease really disabled me? Since when have I put more power in yesterday than faith in myself and tomorrow. I don’t know.

My Business partner Mark told me just last night if you cant find your “why” then go with your passion.Right now I’m friggin pissed( which can be seen as extremely passionate about an issue) that I allowed the devils minions pity, fear and even self loathing to consume my life. Today I say I rebuke you Lucifer.

I don’t know when all this happened but I do know today will be difficult and that’s a good thing.