PANEL 1:DAVE: karkat now that were brosKARKAT: I'M NOT YOUR FUCKING BRO.DAVE: stfu im the one in the drivers seat hereKARKAT: [incoherent disgruntled noises]DAVE: karkat now that were bros ima give you something that everyone on this entire fucking meteor is silently sacrificing their souls forima make you my protégéKARKAT: YOU REALLY DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

Panel 2:DAVE: i knowthats what makes me the alpha male around herewhenever i see someone less admirable than me(and lets face it - who isnt less admirable than me?)my supercilious heart tends to start to bleedand when all other hope is lost i just forget the costi know i knoexactly what you needand even in your casetho its the most onerous case ive yet to facefuck that - im gonna fuckin leadand you just agreedyou scrawny weedyou will be

Panel 3:DAVE: popularyoure gonna be popularill teach you how to watch your backhow to get your mackhow to keep a straight face onill show you what cool kids dohow to duel kung fueverything that gets me hot

Panel 4:DAVE: to be popularill let you be popular!forget them flighty broads yeah,dont give it a thought and just let them sick rhythms flowso lets kick itcos fuck we got a shitting long way to go:

Panel 6:DAVE: theres nothing that can stop you from becoming popu-ler: lar:la la la lawere gonna make you sex-ular[Dave's shirt says "69 is not a sign. its a lifestyle".]

Panel 7:DAVE: when i see that foxy ass you got stuck to that sulky face its notso unsexy that i cant have hopethat you willturn some heads as you strut on byhave me squirming in my pants real slydo you know what i meangoddamnit karkat!!

Panel 8:DAVE: you are popularchrist! its all you ever arepopular!its not about attitudecant hide the gratitudeso i think itd be shrewd to bevery very popularwith me

Panel 9:DAVE: so whattaya sayfeel like the douchelord king of the gay parade yetKARKAT: YOU'RE A FUCKING MORON.

Panel 10:DAVE: i love you tooand the others hopeyoure off my slopei know completely trueyoure gonna turn em all downyour new found popularityla la la layoull turn em all downcause youre not so secretly with me