McLaren told to go back and ‘do it properly’

There was more bad news for McLaren today as the FIA insisted it must go back to the Austrian Grand Prix and ‘do it properly’.

‘We’ve had enough of those two McLaren idiots mucking around and yesterday was the final straw,’ said an FIA spokesman. ‘You’ve got Button giving up after hardly any laps and then doing interviews using that pretend serious voice that doesn’t match the words he’s saying, and don’t get us started on young Mr Alonso’s idiotic stunt driving shenanigans.’

F1 insiders say the sport’s bosses have rejected claims from McLaren that the car ‘really is that shit’ and are insisting that they return to the Red Bull Ring to have another go at running race distance ‘without being silly’.

‘We weren’t born yesterday. McLaren is a world championship winning team with two world championship winning drivers,’ said one high ranking official. ‘They don’t seriously expect us to believe they’re that useless or that their engine is complete crap. I mean, my wife has a Honda Jazz and it never goes wrong. They’re just not applying themselves at all and pretty soon I shall have to write to their parents.’

Unfortunately, due to cumulative grid place penalties applied for changing the engines again, the McLaren duo’s re-run Austrian race must start from halfway through the Canadian Grand Prix.