Andrey Lebedev, a Duma deputy for the right-wing nationalistic LDPR party, is pissed: there is a traitor in Russia’s house, and he’s a traitor of the very worst order.

Lebedev’s allegation, which he addressed yesterday to President Dmitry Medvedev, is serious. Kirsan Ilyumzhinov, the autocratic, chess-playing, Buddhist billionaire ruler of the Semiautonomous Russian Republic of Kalmykia on the shores of the Caspian, has been feeding highly classified state secrets to aliens, Lebedev alleges.

According to Lebedev, extraterrestrial “humanoids” are now in possession of some of Russia’s most secret secrets.

Here’s what happened.

Lebedev realized something was very extremely horribly wrong as he watched Ilyumzhinov’s interview with Vladimir Pozner, the Russian Larry King. During the interview, Ilyumzhinov openly discussed his 1997 encounter with benevolent aliens. According to Ilyumzhinov, it all happened on a Saturday night. He came home to his Moscow apartment, watched some TV, read a bit, and drifted off to sleep. Mid-drift, he heard the balcony door open. Then someone called to him. Ilyumzhinov went to check it out, only to discover a hovering transparent tube, which he, naturally, entered.

Inside, humanoids in yellow spacesuits awaited him. They had a pleasant talk, which occurred on the level of mindwaves because, Ilyumzhinov said, “there wasn’t quite enough oxygen.” The humanoids, who were friendly, told Ilyumzhinov that they were not yet ready for direct contact with human humans. Instead, they gave him a tour of the ship and sent him on his way.

Did Ilyumzhinov talk to the aliens about his official duties? “Did the representatives of these extraterrestrial civilizations ask Ilyumzhinov about the nuances of his professional duties, and, if they did, what ‘evidence’ did he give?” Moreover, Lebedev wants to know, did Ilyumzhinov let the President know about his contacts with such beings? And, while we’re at it, “who else among the governors of the Russian Federations, members of the government, and other federal civil servants is communicating with aliens?”

“Dmitry Anatolyevich,” Lebedev wrote, addressing the Medvedev by his patronymic, “you will agree that, unless Ilyumzhinov is bluffing, then this information is historically significant. If possible, I ask you to brief the deputies of the Federal Duma about your conclusions.”

Dear Julia, a friend of mine who is a visitor from a star near the Pleiades and who I met in cyberspace last year, asked me to post a comment for him. Moral/ethical conventions built into his communication function prevent him from assuming a false identity to obtain an account and log in himself. Here is his statement, translated as well as I can:

“I was present the night Ilyumzhinov came aboard. It was a case of mistaken identity; we came to the wrong balcony. To avoid embarrassment, the crew welcomed the gentleman aboard, served vodka, I brought out a balalaika, we sang a few songs together and that was it. We saw him safely back to bed, rechecked our coordinates (thanks to Google Maps) and hooked up with three czech girls we found thru AdultFriendFinder.com. As you may well imagine, we all had a wonderful time. While on this subject, I’d like to clarify something, in view of Mr. Hawkings’ well-meaning but mistaken statements and your use of a term like, “humanoid”. In the first case, we have a wonderful planet of our own and there are a few others of great and persistent beauty–we have no interest in taking on the problems that human beings have created here. In the latter case, we would never use a term like, humanoid, which smacks of bias and discourtesy. We do think in terms of reproductive compatibility, which explains in part our interest in the three Czech girls, who we found extremely stimulating company and who were most accommodating, talented and quick to learn our peculiar ways and they seemed pleased with our dexterity. We will most likely continue to explore such possibilities. Let us know if you are interested in learning more. Yours, [name unwritable–I call him Howard]”