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Wednesday, June 17, 2015

36 Questions

Years ago, I became passionate about John Gottman's The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Specifically, I loved the part where you got to answer questions about what you knew about your partner. Like - who are your partner's best friends right now. I feel like every time that Scott and I did some of these questions together, we grew closer to one another. But, with our busy lives and raising our daughter, it's been a long time since we looked at those question. A few months ago, the New York Times published a quiz - the goal of the quiz is to increase intimacy between 2 people.http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html?_r=0A few days ago, my husband and I answered these questions together.This New York Times quiz felt similar to John Gottman's set of questions, but you aren't answering questions about your partner, you are answering questions about yourself and listening to your partner answer about themselves. As intended, doing these questions brought us closer. It feels so good to be able to talk about important things in a structured format and to be listened to. And, I got to be a good listener and learn things about Scott that were new to me!There's one specific thing that stood out for me. Question 14 asks, "Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?" I've had a specific goal for the past 15 years ago which I've never shared with anyone. (It's not sexual even though my secrecy around it sounds like it might be. It's more mundane and a self-improvement kind of thing.) For some reason, this question prompted me to talk about it with Scott and he was totally supportive! And, let's just say, I got the ball rolling to finally realize this dream. I'll update when there's something more substantive to say about it. If you're wanting to increase intimacy between you and someone in your life, I'd recommend these 36 questions.