Great long term marriages start with great friendships. After the initial attraction, friendship sustains the relationships and allows couples to continue having a great time together. You will often hear from couples that have been married for many years that say they are still “best friends”. Everyone understands that they still love each other and that romance continues to spark the union, but friendship is the stabilizing force.

Every long term relationship comes with moments of discord. That is natural and part of every healthy relationship. It’s how these disagreements are handled that determines the strength of the marriage.

New marriage is the testing ground for future success. In the beginning as couples learn to live together; they may roller coaster between good and difficult times. It takes time to learn how to communicate effectively with each other and compromise on important issues. Marriage is definitely a character-building event, but in the end couples generally feel more fulfilled.

Statistics tell us that happily married couples have a stronger sense of well being, better health, and feel more fulfilled. As humans we need the companionship of another person who will be there for us no matter what life throws at us. It’s comforting to know that someone loves us completely and is always on our side. A good long term marriage provides this.

Communication is the key to a long term marriage. Learning to communicate in way where both parties are heard takes time. In the beginning it may take more time to get your point across and to be sure that you are explaining yourself in a way that is being understood. Often in the beginning, young couples assume that the other understands what they are thinking and how they feel. In time they begin to understand that neither is a mind reader. Communication never comes with a raised voice. When you are upset, you need to take time to calm down before trying to discuss the situation. As a marriage ages, the communication becomes much easier simply because we have lived with our spouse for enough years to have learned their form of communication.

Compromise is necessary for marital harmony. It is simply impossible for both parties to always get their way and also live happily ever after. There will be times when you have to give and times when your partner must give. Selfishness impedes the development of a great marriage. One marriage counselor stated that if each partner were to live constantly striving to make the other happy, they would not just succeed with their marriage but it would be a deeply satisfying union. This is easier said that done, but if you strive to think outside of your own needs you are on the right road.

All marriages need significant time together to succeed. Just because you are married doesn’t mean you should quit dating…each other that is. Date each other once a week. Go to dinner alone to talk. Go to the movies to share a laugh. Take a Sunday drive. Use your time to catch up on life and share dreams together. Memories become a powerful bond to every great marriage, so take the time to create great memories by spending time together on a weekly basis. Then at least once a year take a vacation alone together. Go somewhere special to unwind and do the things you can’t do with children along.

Good marriages also need time apart. It’s important to have a balance in your relationship. You need time to pursue your goals and hobbies and so does your spouse. Additionally, you both need time with your own friends. You may have “couple” friendships but it’s important to have your own friends as well.

Its important to have your own goals and you own life as well as the life you have together. A strong independent identity lends to a strong union as long as it is not combined with a strong selfish tendency to just do whatever you want whenever you want. You must take the other into consideration. Time together is very important but so is some time apart.

Many long term successful marriages have children. Children become a common bond that both parties share and are deeply invested in. Children also teach us to give up our natural tendency toward selfishness. A baby requires your complete attention and time. As children grow up they require that couples work together for their best interest. And of course, couples do it willingly because of the bond and love they naturally have for their children. As single people we can do whatever we want whenever we want. Once children are thrown into the equation, this is no longer true. We help our children grow up but in turn they also help us grow up and build character. Once you have children you and your spouse are forever connected.

Money is a big issue in marriage. Learning to deal with financial issues is imperative to the success of your relationship. It is common for one party to be a spender and the other to be a saver. Strangely enough we rarely marry our financially equal partner in terms of how we deal with money. Surprisingly this type of union can work well if handled appropriately. A spender can help a saver live more in the moment. A saver can help a spender plan for the future. However, if you are constantly in verbal combat, it won’t work.

Some couples keep separate checking accounts and handle their financial situation in a split manner. One partner handles one portion of the bills and the other handles the remainder. This can work well and keep the union in harmony. If this is not an option, both parties should agree on a budget that allows both parties some spending money as well as saving money for the future. In all situations, couples should discuss and agree on large purchases. Surprises that involve a lot of money never go over well.

Trust is vital to a good marriage. Don’t bad mouth your spouse to your friends or to anyone else. Align with your spouse and only say things you would want said about you. It’s a break in trust to malign your spouse to others. Take any problems directly to your spouse and discuss the situation. Be in life together and all that life throws at you as a couple or separately. It’s common for friends to get together and spouse bash, but you will be surprised at how quickly the tone will change if you simply refuse to participate. We create our own realities, so keep the harmony in your marriage by speaking well of your other half.

Long term marriage becomes a comforting and stabilizing foundation in our life. Our spouse becomes an extension of ourselves and flavors everything we do together or apart. If you are newly married, consider talking with older married couples. Ask them how they met and fell in love, and what makes their marriage work. You will likely find that these couples don’t just love each other they really like each other as well. Talking with older couples will let you peek into your future where you will realize that you are on a wonderful road to happiness. Young love may be exciting, but old, established love is pure bliss.

Does Your Marriage Need a Little Extra Spice?

Sexy or sex-starved - which describes your marriage best? If you didn't hesitate to answer the latter, your marriage is in need of some serious TLC - and we're talking tender loving care of the spicy variety. Take this steamy quiz to find out just how adventurous or bland your sex life may really be.