IT'S BEACH TIME AGAIN, BUT A WOMAN WOULD FARE BETTER SLIPPING INTO A TWO-PIECE RESUME

Not even the most dedicated transvestite could enjoy the annual rite of trying on bathing suits. All year long you've been judged by your efficiency, your creativity, your managerial talents--and suddenly, when you enter that fitting room, the only operative criteria are tilt of breasts and firmness of thighs. Where is the FDA when you need it? There should be warning labels on every suit: this product may be hazardous to your self-esteem.

True enough, bathing suits can do more for you today than they ever could. Only a couple of years ago, they were cut so high in the thighs...