I'm lost in my own mind. My sanity is probably shipwrecked between the waves of imagination and the rocky formations of logic, but I haven't yet discovered the devestation since it is only the beginning of a raging tempest in my mind.

Sunday, September 30, 2012

You're so far away

I'm not sure if anything has really changed at all, but I feel like I have. I'm getting frustrated right now and I keep wanting to blame the stagnation of life in Ellensburg. I'm starting to really feel done with this place. I'm starting to feel like I'm ready to move on. But that's just it, I really don't like moving and I'm stubborn enough to not want to leave here just for the sake of not having to go somewhere new. Getting my minor in Museum Studies is going to be a piece of cake, the only hard part is that its not going to be a fast process. I suppose if I crammed everything into next quarter (which is possible I suppose) I could just pick up and leave here around March. But do I really want to do that? It will be all snowy and cold still... And what will I do about getting work? Gah... everything is so hard these days.
After completing my field school this past summer, I feel like I have everything I need to move on with my educational goals. What are these goals? They seem to be so fleeting and transparent these days.
I wish there was a way to just sign up for an adult life without having to establish one myself. A pre-made life... I'll take one of those. I'm not in the mood for doing all the work required to make my own life. Or can I just have someone else's? You know, if they aren't using it I'll just take it off their hands.
Ellensburg has the same people that I know and love, and yet, they don't have the right people. The people I have been so used to hanging out with just seem to be a bit boring and repetitive. The flavor of friends isn't so new this year. When I go to sit at the lunch table I feel like there is nothing for me there. Before, I had certain things that I always looked forward to seeing at the usual hangout spots. There was a thrill to it; there was a chase and and chance that those elusive friends might or might not be there. I feel like the real people I want to be near to are the ones who aren't in Ellensburg any more. I suppose while I'm here I will just have to work with what I've got for now. Maybe I'll just take this opportunity to bury my head into my schoolwork until I drown in it. I'll make a few close acquaintances within my field of study and then I won't have to leave the building for anything except to go home in the evenings. My dog should appreciate my coming home at night. I love how she's always so happy to see when I'm home from school.