Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Sometimes I ask myself the question, how superficial can I be? Presented with the circumstance where I have to choose between a hot guy that’s into me, but not really intellectually compatible (either too smart or too dumb); and a fat guy that totally get me and me him, but just isn’t hot physically. Would I pick the guy based on his personality and character? Or would I pick a guy that’s hot.

There really is a bit of thinking to do when presented with that situation. I’m still young, and despite not being hot or good looking or anything… I’m still young, so that’s certainly a decent quality that is likely to score me a hot guy right? Right? (eww, hates the eerie silence whenever I ask that question) Anyway, if I were to casually date a hot guy now, and then start looking for someone with more substance (not just the white gooey stuff all men produce), when I’m a little bit older, that would be okay right? Wrong, coz that is superficial, isn’t it? Is it?

Assume I met my soul mate, which unfortunately I haven’t, and passed him up for any other generic hot guy because I keep telling myself I can still find him again when I’m older. And what if when me and (assuming la) the hot guy breaks up and I go back in search of the not so physically attractive soul mate, and he’s gone… wooped up by someone else who treasures his qualities and acknowledged it before me, overlooking his physical flaws… what then?

Okay then assume I started to date my soul mate, and we spent the rest of our lives happily married. That would mean I’d have never actually have a relationship with someone hot ever before. To be clear, I have never been in a serious relationship before. So yea, and as superficial as it sounds… I do want a hot bf… who doesn’t. But I also want someone who gets me… but let’s face the facts… those two qualities never come in a single package… hardly ever.

So assume I really find myself in such a situation, would I be making the mistake of passing up the unattractive soul mate for a hot guy? Or would I be doing the ‘logical’ thing and never satisfy my fantasy of having a hot bf? One thing for sure is that I’ll not be doing both of them at the same time, coz that would be totally against my principals… unless they are both hot and they both get me… then of course I’ll do them both, at the same time… because if they get me, they’d understand… right? Ahaha wrong… I’m just kidding as usual.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

I’m sure this has happened to you one way or another before, someone much older than you approaching you for sex in exchange for certain remunerations. I mean seriously, do all young guys give out a sort of pheromone that shouts we want money for sex?

I personally have nothing against older men, as I have clearly noted in earlier posts, but I do have something against men that think just because they are older and richer than me, they can have their way by throwing cash at me.

My most recent preposition of this sort came from gaydar, when a dude offered to “give me some bonuses if I were still studying to visit him at his hotel”. “I can help make college life easier”. WAT THA FUCK. At first I thought by easier he meant by me having a sexual outlet :P but no… I soon realised easier meant remunerations.

It is such a turn off, I mean seriously. Okay some people may argue that there is no harm if he gives u a little something for sleeping with him, its like a win-win, you get sex and you get “a bonus”. That may be okay for some people out there, but I just suppose its not okay with me.

I do not consider myself in that drastic a financial position that I have to put myself out there for remunerations. I guess, if you are really jobless, and homeless and totally lost in life, as some people out there are, and selling yourself is the only way to fill an empty stomach then by all means, we have to do whatever we can to survive. I totally sympathise with people like that. But I certainly am not in that position, and do not wish to be in that position.

Seriously the next time someone even suggest remunerations for any bedroom activities, I would ask him to shove it up his ass and get lost. Something I should have said to this dude on gaydar but I didn’t.

I’m poor, but not desperate.I’m poor, but not without pride.You’re rich, but devoid of human values.You’re rich but lack certain principals.

Maybe when offering something in return for sex, it shows the ‘recipient’ isn’t the desperate one, but the person offering.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

I've been cleaning up my room lately, mostly because I'm procrastinating studies for my final exam next week. But I'm also cleaning due to the fact that my parents will be staying with me when visiting next month, and I don't want them to find any gay related reading materials or pictures lying around the house. They'll be visiting because if all goes well with this semester's exams, I'll be graduating next month, so they're here to attend my graduation ceremony :)

While cleaning through the rubbish, I came across this book called the 'Also Directory', it was a directory I obtained from the Uni's Queer Department.

This book is basically a directory of all the gay and gay-friendly business establishments. It has everything from doctors, to dentists, to veterinaries and also from legal advisers, to counselling, to event organisers. So instead of a yellow pages, its like a mini pink pages.

I thought to myself, this is actually pretty cool. Its sort of a way for us gays and lesbians to stick together, for us to help out our own gay business owners. And then I thought wouldn't it be great if Malaysia had something like that as well, as I'm pretty sure there isn't such a thing back home. That way we can support our local gay business owners, ensure that our 'pink' dollars are spent at the right places to help out our own community.

But then just as this 'brilliant' idea manifested itself, reality dawned upon me that Malaysia just isn't ready for this yet. If such a directory was made back home, what it'll probably end up becoming is a hit-list for homophobic bigots. And the business owners will probably be targeted.

Its sad really, coz there are a lot of gay business owners in Malaysia, and if there really was such a directory, I'm sure it'll benefit a lot of parties, both the business owners and customers. Unfortunately, with homophobia so evidently present, it'll be hard to ensure the safety and well being of these businesses once such a list is compiled and made public. In fact I'm sure at this point in time, most owners wouldn't even want to be placed on such a 'hit-list' for fear of any homophobic reactions...

Would straight people stop shopping there? Would homophobic people vandalise the business premise? Who knows, but personally I hope all these bigotry back home will end... at least in my life time... Then maybe we can have a 'Juga' Directory, which is also translated to malay :)

Friday, November 12, 2010

I'm finally done with all my major engineering assignments. Now, with just two more exams to go, my undergraduate life will finally come to a completion.

The two assignments I had to work on was really tough, in the end I churned out a 50 page and a 150 page assignment single-handedly. Whether it was rubbish or not I dont know, but what I do know is that even if it was rubbish, it wasn't easy to produce. I must have looked and smelled like a zombie after the whole ordeal, but I guess at least now I'm proud to say I've done it.

As I said, two more exams to go and I'll be done :) Finally!!! I've been at this for five years now, and wow, as long as I pass these two exams and the two assignments I handed in... I'll officially graduate from uni :)

My assignments and prepping for the exams are basically what's kept me away from blogging, but rest assured I'll start blogging again when all this is over.