The scene is set at Television Centre as Moyles takes on, and beats, all comers

The BBC has announced that Chris Moyles has once again emerged as Supreme Champion of this year’s BBC Radio DJ Ultimate Caged Fighting Championships for a record 6th consecutive year. Moyles, 35, from Leeds, claimed the crown having successfully fought off a range of up-and-coming pretenders to his title in a thrilling climax to this year’s competition in a grisly series of pitched battles in a cage set up inside a studio at Television Centre.

BBC Director General Mark Thompson said afterwards: “We’ve had a clean championships this year, and one that everyone will remember for the fact that there was only one fatality as a direct result of the violence within the cage. And even then, that was only DJ Spoony, so everyone’s a winner. Chris has been a magnificent champion, and the fact that he has managed to smash Tony Blackburn’s 30 year-old Fighting Championships record – if you’ll pardon the pun – demonstrates a real appetite on his behalf to get his hands on this year’s prize – a year’s supply of Ginster’s pasties.”

Speaking after he defeated Alex Zane in the final by walking over, sitting on him and falling asleep, Moyles was unrepentant: “Give me my pasties!” he thundered. “I want pasties! Moyles hungry!”

Of course, for every winner there has to be a loser, and in traditional fashion, the first DJ to go out of the competition was forced to resign from the BBC. This year it was Sir Terry Wogan who took the walk of shame, having been subjected to the embarrassment of derision, whistles and cat-calls by his peers and colleagues, after being soundly thrashed inside 15 seconds by Edith Bowman.

“I didn’t see her coming,” Wogan said, as his trainer drained the blood away from his rapidly swelling eye, “She was everywhere….like some kind of crazy animal. Better to get out now before I get really hurt, I suppose. I just feel like I’ve let all of my listeners down….”

“A lot of people think we make decisions about which DJs we keep on or not based on their performance, or how popular they are, “ said Thompson, shortly after Wogan’s exit. “Ha! If only they knew…”

The rest of Thompson’s remarks were drowned out by a mixture of agonised wailing, followed by a loud, pronounced belch, as Moyles finished off his 3rd round opponent, 6 Music’s Adam Buxton.

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