Apr 26, 2014

Team Autumn Fanfiction: The Adventures of Team Autumn Part 1

So Team Autumn has been graced with more fanfiction, focusing on topics from our very first podcast! Can you spot all the references?

The Adventures of Team
Autumn: The Building of the Temporally/Time-traveling Machine-thing
and the Ocean

By Margaret "March" Channing

Jamie heard a strange noise in his backyard. It almost sounded like
a strangled moose being attacked by a demon cow. This strange noise
was soon followed by a string of colorful swear words in a familiar
voice. There was silence for a moment before a knocking at the door.
Jamie put down his 2DS with its small 4GB card, and cautiously opened
his front door.

He saw a man with a paper bag over his head.

Understandably his screamed and slammed the door.

Another curse came through the door accompanied a scream of pain.

“Jamie! It’s me! David!” The man called through the door.

Jamie opened the door again and saw that the paper bag had been
removed and it was indeed David. He looked sour and was holding his
bleeding nose.

“Hello David. Why are you in England? And how did you know where I
lived?” Jamie asked suddenly realizing that he’d never actually
told David where he lived.

Jamie looked around expecting to see cameras hidden around his
house. When he looked back at David, the ginger punched him.

“Now we’re even” David said smugly.

“Did you come all this way to punch me in the nose?!” Jamie
asked checking for blood.

David rolled his eyes. “Of course not. I finished building the
dimension traveling machine.”

With that explanation, David ran to Jamie’s front lawn and
motioned proudly to a cardboard box labeled with sharpie.

“Wait until you see the inside” David ushered with maniacal
enthusiasm.

“Wait what?” Were the only syllables Jamie was able to get out
before David started to drag him to the box.

Jamie, understandably, did not want to be in a 3’x3’ area with
his friend. Before he could try to escape however, he was pushed
through the cardboard door. To his immediate surprise, it was bigger
on the inside than he expected. He looked around in surprise at the
different bobbles and buttons on the console.

“I call it the Temporally Improbable Nexus Traveling the
Universe’s Random Dimensions” David announced proudly.

Jamie paused for a moment and went over the absurd name in his head.

“Wait a moment. Do you realize that spells TIN TURD?” Jamie
asked.

The color and pride drained from David’s face in realization.

“Shit. I have to change the name now.” David immediately replied
heading to the consol.

“It’s too late to turn back now! I’m calling it the TIN TURD”
Jamie announced enjoying David’s dismay.

David groaned, and so the space-traveling dimension touring machine
was called the TIN TURD.

---------one hour later after extensively exploring the TIN
TURD--------

“Can we go see Poison Ivy now?” Jamie asked.

David shrugged, “Sure. I haven’t tried to travel dimensions yet
so let’s give it a shot.”

“Wait, you haven’t test driven this thing yet?” Jamie asked.

He suddenly felt afraid.

“Going to your house was the test drive” David said with a
crazed look in his eyes.

Jamie suddenly felt very afraid.

“To Poison Ivy!” David shouted.

Before reason could set in that they needed to test-drive the TIN
TURD, David started hitting random buttons and he pulled the big
lever that said ‘Travel’. The TIN TURD suddenly shook and made
the noise of a thousand cuccos attacking. Jamie tried to find
something to hold onto, but David ignored the blatant turbulence with
the look of a mad scientist. The feeling of being tumbled through a
clothes dryer stopped and David stepped away from the console.

“We’re here” David announced proudly.

Jamie uncurled himself from the corner and ran to the door.

“Where’s Poison Ivy?” He asked looking around.

To his surprise, he wasn’t standing in Gotham City. Instead, he
was standing in a clump of trees and looking at a beach full of
people.

“Oops” David’s voice echoed from behind Jamie.

“What does oops mean?” Jamie asked turned around.

David walked to the door with a grimace. “We’re not in Gotham;
we’re in Hawaii.”

Jamie had thoroughly washed the poison ivy off of his shoes, legs,
and feet, and decided to take a swim while David fine-tuned the TIN
TURD. Within a few minutes of swimming, Jamie realized something was
terribly wrong. The sea gulls, which had been squawking annoyingly a
minute ago, had all flown away. The water had dropped a few
noticeable degrees. The main indication to Jamie that something was
wrong was when he felt something touch his foot.

He looked down and immediately shat his pants.

Below him was an eye.

The eye was larger than his entire person.

It blinked.

Jamie screamed like a prepubescent teenage girl.

David looked outside the TIN TURD to see Jamie swimming for his life
while something obviously larger swam lazily after. Thinking that he
should save his friend, David looked around the inside of the TIN
TURD for something that could help him. Conveniently, there was a
button on the console labeled ‘Drain Ocean’. David looked at the
button for a moment and thought of the consequences of draining the
largest body of water on the Earth.

Outside, Jamie screamed again.

David sighed resignedly and decided to save his friend. He pressed
the button.

The TIN TURD shook as a giant straw came out of the side and started
to drain the ocean.

Jamie ran as soon as his feet touched the ground and didn’t bother
to look behind him until he reached the TIN TURD. David, however,
looked out the door with an expression of amazement on his face.

“Dude! That’s a megalodon!” David exclaimed excitedly.

As David walked closer to the now beached animal, Jamie began to
honestly question his friend’s sanity. While David was admiring the
thrashing huge beast and raving about the amazing existence of the
animal, Jamie was distracted by the sudden shaking of the ground.
Jamie walked back to the beach, giving the megalodon and his friend a
wide berth, until he reached the ocean drop off. In the distance he
could hear what sounded like a roar.

“David” Jamie said cautiously.

David was now talking about training a megalodon to be a pet that he
could ride.

A small red light suddenly shown in the distance that looked
remarkably like fire.

“David” Jamie said a little louder.

David was now talking about genetically engineering a megalodon army
to serve him.

The roar in the distance was now louder and Jamie could barely make
out what it was.

“DAVID!” Jamie shouted.

The sudden noise snapped David out of his ramblings. He walked over
to where Jamie stood and followed his eye-line.

“HOLY SHIT! It’s Godzilla!” David exclaimed showing the same
level of excitement that Jamie felt in fear.

Sure enough Godzilla was walking on the dried up ocean bed, and was
heading towards them. Every other human on the beach was trying to
run away. Even some of the unfortunate people in fishing boats were
trying to run away; although Godzilla caught up to them and vaporized
them with his atomic breath.

David was drooling at the sight, and Jamie was almost positive he was
thinking of ways to get himself a pet Godzilla.

“David, we need to put the water back in the ocean! Now!” Jamie
said almost frantically.

“But this is the perfect monster movie opportunity” David
countered. “It’s Godzilla vs the Megalodon.”

Jamie looked in shock from his excited friend to the helplessly
flopping megalodon to the quickly closing in Godzilla.

“We will die if you don’t put the water back” Jamie pointed
out.

David sighed and had the look of child that had their favorite toy
taken away.

“Fine” David relented miserably.

David walked back to the TIN TURD and pressed the conveniently
labeled ‘Ocean Putter-Backer’ button. While Jamie wondered why
that button would ever exist in the first place, the giant straw that
had sucked up the ocean turned into a giant shower head to replace
the ocean’s water.

Godzilla roared indignantly before it quickly disappeared below the
water level. The megalodon flopped ocean more on the sand before the
water lever was high enough for it to disappear. It apparently
decided once every few million years was enough of surface life
because it disappeared into the ocean depths.

Jamie watched all this happen with a look of indignant shock.

“No one will ever believe me.”

Behind him at the console, David was staring at one button with
maniacal glee. Jamie turned around just in time to see David press
the button before they both disappeared in a noise that sounded
similar to a yowling cat.

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About Team Autumn

Team Autumn is a small group of rascals who make a podcast, the TMT Podcast, and occasionally get into other shenanigans. They say people who love their work are better at it, and we certainly love what we do.