Guest Writer: Peter Chastagner

I
soon began to take my fanny pack everywhere. I absolutely loved to wear it to
social events. One crisp Wednesday evening, in east county San Diego, the smell
of dodgeball was in the air.

Just
like every Wednesday, I picked up carpooled to the courts with my friend Delayn.
Like most people I know, Delayn happens to be a fanny pack hater. She had been first
traumatized a few months earlier, when I brought my pack to her birthday
skydiving adventure. It was a genius idea. I planned to use it to either carry
a backup parachute, or maybe some snacks for the way down.

When
it came time for me to get my harness tightened in all the most uncomfortable
places, the conversation with my skydive instructor went something like this:

“Please
remove your hip pack.”

“Oh
can I keep it on? I was hoping to borrow an extra parachute to have for back
up.”

“Actually,
we will be lucky if there are enough primary parachutes to go around.”

“Good
joke. Well can I at least keep my fanny pack on to carry my yogurt?”

“It
is rather unpractical to attempt the consumption of snacks during freefall.“

“I
knew I should have brought Go-Gurt.”

Delayn
was terribly embarrassed by the exchange and she delivered an ultimatum. Should
she ever catch me snapping that pack around my hips again, I would have to
throw it into the nearest dumpster or she would forever disown me as a friend.

***

Before
I arrived at her house, I slid the pack around to my left side and hid the
strap under my seatbelt. Of course, as soon as we parked and exited the car,
she noticed the pack hanging from my hip.

Seeing
her look of disgust I was quick to point out that we had just shared a five
minute car ride without the world ending. She was not convinced. I guess reason
cannot overcome so much disdain.

The
pack created much more buzz at dodge ball court than it had at the gym. People
stared. One of my teammates was bold enough the make the first approach:

And
then something amazing happened. Several people began to realize the utility of
my pack! I was approached by at least two dodgeballers who were in the same
predicament I had faced so many times before; they wore shorts without pockets
and had nothing in which to store their wallets, keys, and phones.

I
graciously agreed to store their valuables inside the pack, making sure to
reiterate the amazing potential of the fanny pack and foretelling a fashion
future in which nobody would be able to survive without one.