Same as 2010. In fact, it’s probably worth reading that article again because much of it still applies. We don’t try and overthink the Lord Megachief of Gold award. We don’t get too fancy with it. It was business as usual for Dale Steyn in 2013 and business brought him 51 Test wickets at 17.66.

For most bowlers, that would be the standout performance of the year – perhaps even in their entire career. However, as we know, Dale Steyn ain’t most bowlers. He’s a vicious threshing machine into which helpless Test batsmen are fed. He spits out husks. Against Pakistan in February, he conceded six runs and spat out six husks.

It doesn’t matter who you’re playing against, or where: 6-8 is just stupid.

Worse figures, better bowling

What really swayed it for us, however, was Steyn’s performance against India towards the end of the year. That highlighted the quality that separates him from those who are merely pretenders. Dale Steyn is simply unremitting. It’s tempting to list synonyms to drive this point home, but you’re smart people – you can read that one word and appreciate how much we mean it.

Even good bowlers can find themselves cowed from time to time. It might not be the opposition that cause this to happen – it might just be conditions – but at some point or other, pretty much every bowler finds themself ever so slightly disheartened. It’s entirely natural. It’s entirely logical. It would be freakish and delusional to feel any different.

In the first Test between South Africa and India, Dale Steyn took 1-61 and 0-104. In the second Test, India reached 198-1 and Steyn had conceded 62 runs without taking a wicket.

Did he relent? Did he bollocks.

His next 10 deliveries saw the departure of Cheteshwar Pujara for 70, Murali Vijay for 97 and Rohit Sharma first ball. Match and series suddenly veered down an unmarked side road. Then, at 316-5, he was at it again, dismissing MS Dhoni, Zaheer Khan and Ishant Sharma within the space of eight deliveries.

Steyn finished that innings with 6-100 and this is why he’ll finish his career with a better average than Vernon Philander. Even when going for runs and with nothing to show for it, he was still hell-bent on dismissing batsmen. That, after all, is what Test cricket is all about.

I think with Steyn he has come out the other side of being amazing. If any other player in the world took 6/100 against India, I’d say “wow”. OK, I wouldn’t, but you know what I mean. When Dale Steyn does it, it’s just a shrug – thats what Dale Steyn does. He makes jaw-droppingly awesome normal.

I’ll go anyway. A trip to one of the three bars in Altrincham’s Belgian Quarter is always worthwhile. Beer from a menu, checking the alcohol content rather than the price, glasses that don’t stand up without a piece of wood to hold them… it all contributes to a superb first half of the evening.

Should I mention that it’s the Lord Megachief of Gold Official Party? Do I need a badge?

Look, we want you to express yourself, okay? If you think the bare minimum is enough, then okay. But some people choose to wear more and we encourage that, okay? You do want to express yourself, don’t you?

I hope you don’t mind that I’ve informed the winner via Twitter, suspecting he may want to celebrate as per usual with a pie & coke in the garage at 2AM, whereupon his girlfriend will Tweet, “It will go straight to your ass!”

Garage pies are great because the late night consumer can buy and eat the pie in the same location. Any other pie purchase promotes the relocation of the pie, suggesting an obligatory reheat. This is poor form.

If he doesnt turn up from day 1 of Aus series, aus batsmen need not worry.

Ofcourse, he might rev it up by the 3rd inns of the series. By then, Aus can get away with a test win.
Unlike India, who failed to take advantage of Steyn’s somnombulent start to the series, Aus will not fail to defend 458

In his early career, Steyn bowled boring straight ones. Then he went through a purple patch of moving it both ways and slower balls that batsmen played across and missed. If he gets LMG by bowling traditional outswing, just imagine if he got his variety back.