Disclaimer

All parents upset their children sometimes. Saying ‘no’ and managing difficult behaviour is an essential part of parenting.

Tired or stressed parents can lose control and can do or say something they regret, and may even hurt the child. If severe or if it this happens often, it can seriously harm the child. That is why abuse is defined in law. The Children Act 1989 states that abuse should be considered to have happened when someone's actions have caused a child to suffer ‘significant harm’ to their health or development.

‘Significant harm’ means that someone is:

punishing a child too much

hitting or shaking a child

constantly criticising, threatening or rejecting a child

sexually interfering with or assaulting a child

not looking after a child – not giving them enough to eat, ignoring them, not playing or talking with them or not making sure that they are safe.

Children are usually abused by someone in their immediate family circle. This can include parents, brothers or sisters, babysitters or other familiar adults. It is quite unusual for strangers to be involved.

Children may present with a variety of difficulties and behaviours depending on where, when and the type of abuse they have experienced.

It can be hard to detect long-standing abuse by an adult the child is close to. It is often very difficult for the child to tell anyone about it, as the abuser may have threatened to hurt them if they tell anybody. A child may not say anything because they think it is their fault, that no one will believe them or think they will be teased or punished. The child may even love the abusing adult. They want the abuse to stop, but they don't want the adult to go to prison or for the family to break up.

Physically abused children may:

be watchful, cautious or wary of adults

be unable to play and be spontaneous

be aggressive or abusive

bully other children or are being bullied themselves

be unable to concentrate, underachieve at school and avoid activities that involve removal of clothes, e.g. sports

have temper tantrums and behave thoughtlessly

lie, steal, truant from school and get into trouble with the police

find it difficult to trust other people and make friends.

Sexually abused children may:

suddenly behave differently when the abuse starts

think badly of themselves

not look after themselves

use sexual talk or ideas in their play that you would usually see only in someone much older

First and foremost, the child must be protected from further abuse. If you suspect that a child is being abused, you may be able to help them to talk about it.

Social Services will need to be involved to find out:

what has happened

if it is likely to happen again

what steps are needed to protect the child.

Your local Social Services Child Protection Adviser will be able to offer more detailed advice. It is helpful to speak to them even if you are not sure. Remember, all of us need to protect the child from further harm.

Child Protection

After investigation, Social Services may be satisfied that the problems have been sorted out, and that the parents can now care for and protect the child properly. If so, they will remain involved only if the family wants their help. If Social Services are concerned that a child is being harmed, they will arrange a child protection case conference. The parents and professionals who know the child will be invited. A plan will be made to help the child and family and ensure that there is no further harm.

When a child has been abused within the family, the person involved is sometimes able to own up to what they have done and want help. They can then be helped to look after their child better.

Occasionally, the child may have to be taken away from the abusing adult because the risks of physical and emotional harm are great. This can be for a short time, until things become safer, or may be permanent.

Specialist treatment

Many children need specialist treatment because of the abuse they have endured. Some receive help from family centres run by Social Services.

These specialists may work with the whole family or with children and adolescents alone. Sometimes they work with teenagers in groups. Individual therapy can be especially helpful for children who have been sexually abused, or who have experienced severe
trauma.

Children who have suffered serious abuse or neglect can be difficult to care for, and the services can offer help and advice to parents and carers.

"It started when I was about 8 and my and I sister went to stay with my aunt and uncle. My sister, aunt and cousins went out, but I didn’t feel well so I stayed behind. My uncle said he had a game that would make me feel better. He said it was a special game that we could play with my cousin’s Barbie doll. In the game, Barbie got married and then went on her Honeymoon – he said on a Honeymoon people do special things and he could show me what they were, but I mustn’t tell anyone because I’d get into serious trouble.

He took Barbie’s clothes off and I don’t really remember what he did next. He said he could show me how to play this game, that it would make him happy. It’s really hard to talk about what happened next. Then he made me promise I wouldn’t tell anyone, he said people wouldn’t understand and would get angry with me. Then he gave me some sweets. After that, whenever I went to visit something would happen.

In the beginning he was quite nice to me and although I didn’t want it to happen, I didn’t want to upset him. I’d pretend it wasn’t happening.

Then I began to get scared of him, he’d get angry. It got harder to pretend it wasn’t happening and I thought about it a lot, I felt really sad. My mum asked if anything was wrong but I couldn’t tell her – he said she would be angry with me and that anyway no one would believe me. I felt so upset and scared and trapped – I couldn’t tell anyone and couldn’t stop it.

I started to cut myself. I told my friend at school, she said she’d seen a programme when a girl rang Childline. She helped me find the number and let me use her mum’s phone.

They talked to me, that made me feel better. My friend told her mum, she told my mum. Mum was really upset but not angry – she said she was sad it had happened. That it wasn’t my fault. She spoke to the police. A policewoman and social worker came to see me, they were really nice. They asked me to tell them what had happened – it took me a long time. It wasn’t like on The Bill or anything, it was in a really ordinary room, not in a police station. They arrested my uncle.

We don’t see my aunt now or my cousins because they are upset that mum spoke to the police. Mum says its better that we did, that it’s better it stopped and that we’re safe. I feel a lot better now."