The 7 Worst Things You Can Say to a Bride-to-Be (and 3 Things That Are OK to Say)

Everyone seems to have an opinion about weddings: How big should the guest list be? Destination vs. local? Traditional or nontraditional? But not every bride wants to hear other people's two cents about her big day. Experts weigh in on when to share your wisdom and when to keep quiet.

DON'T say: "Engaged? Already? But you just met him!"

Even if you think the bride-to-be is making the mistake of a lifetime, it's best to keep any judgment about the relationship to yourself at this point, especially if it's not someone you're super close to, like your best friend or sister. "Any comment on their relationship or that they are doing something wrong is unwelcome and will probably get you booted off the guest list," says Sharon Naylor, author of The Bridesmaid's Handbook.

You may think you two are tight, and you may be, but that doesn't necessarily mean you'll make the guest list. "Don't make assumptions," Naylor says. "Wedding lists are getting smaller given the economic times. People are tending to keep their guest lists much more compact than they used to." Err on the side of saying congrats and waiting for a save-the-date.

DO say: "Want to vent?"

"Chances are, the bride will have plenty to complain about," says Elise Mac Adam, etiquette columnist for indiebride.com. "So provide a willing ear and support her with the problems she has rather than finding new ones for her."

If someone is having a destination wedding, she knows how much it's going to cost you—go, or don't, but do not make her feel guilty for how much you're shelling out. "Unless you are explaining politely that you can't afford to attend her wedding, don't complain about it," says Mac Adam.

DON'T say: "Hmmm, your dress is…"

Did the bride ask you to go dress shopping with her? Fire away. Otherwise, it's best not to offer your opinion on what she's chosen to wear, especially if she's already purchased the dress. "At that point, the deal is done," says Mac Adam. "Anything you say now will just hurt her feelings and make her doubt choices when it's too late to do anything about it."

DO say: "You'll really save money/time if you…"

What's perfectly OK to say to a bride, according to our experts: anything that is practical and helpful. "Do you know a way that the bride can save time and frustration? Can you tell the bride about the weird marriage paperwork required in the country where she's having her destination wedding?" says Mac Adam. Stick to concrete, value-free comments. "You don't want to create resentment or rain on the bride's parade."

DON'T say: "Primary colors? But they're so…bright."

It's really best not to share stylistic ideas about color scheme, décor, flowers, etc., says Naylor. Those things come down to taste, and not everyone's taste is the same. A good rule of thumb: "Give advice only when you feel like you absolutely have to speak up to prevent her from making a huge, costly mistake," Naylor says.

DON'T say: "Chicken? Kind of boring, no?"

If you want to give a bride advice about what food to serve at her wedding, make sure it's practical in nature, Mac Adam says. "If your friend needs a vegan food option, for example, and thinks a pasta with cream sauce will do the trick, it's worth letting her know that she'll need to come up with a nondairy dish," she says.

DO say: "Let's get a pedicure."

Especially as the wedding nears, a lot of things can't be changed and have already been paid for months in advance, so changes are often impossible anyway. Instead of suggesting that she make changes, Naylor suggests, "take the bride out and focus on distractions. Reassure her."