Gold Member

I'm a virgin, never had a boyfriend & never been kissed :'( and I think I have a pretty high libido. It tends to get really really high at times, and I just can't satisfy myself. It frustrates me so much I get quite angry lol And the reason is because I feel so guilty for feeling this way. In my head I feel it's wrong...because I'm only 19...i don't know. I used to be a catholic but changed my religion....I just can't let go of the feeling I'm betraying my mum, my morals?? It seems to me like a sin...I think about sex all the time. When I was younger I never felt so frustrated but now I really do. It doesn't feel right that I'm not fulfilling my needs but i always feel guilty.

Anyway was wondering what you think about this guilt I'm feeling.

I have this friend I've known for a year, he's not a virgin and he really likes me, I don't have feelings for him but since he wants to sleep with me I've gotten attracted to him. If I were to go with him I'm sure he'd be able to satisfy me but yeah...it's the guilt and the fear of going in to the unknown.

I had my heart broken one before and I vow never to fall in love again because it was so painful. Also I'm terrible with commitment (friendship-wise) let alone relationship wise i just seem to let people down. So all that's left is sex :\

I'd just like to know what you think about everything and also how I could satisfy my high sex drive in the mean time. Sorry if I've gone off topic xxxx

This may sound odd on this forum, but I really wished that I would have saved myself for my wife. Meee is right that it will not fill your needs. The chances of this guy being everything you want is kind of slim. Then you have some of the unknowns to worry about after. My wife and I were practicing safe sex and got pregnant. So I would not jump into anything just because you have a high sex drive.

Gold Member

Don't feel guilty about your sexual desire. Nothing wrong with that and there is nothing biblically that says masturbation is a sin (if that is a concern). See what Meee said above. There is a lot more to relationships than sex.

Gold Member

Sex is the ultimate expression of love and trust between two people in a committed relationship. There needs to be a lot more of that in the world. I do not see how it could possibly be wrong on any level. Certainly not because those around me incessantly insisted it was wrong.

It seems difficult for me to give any short suggestions on here...lol. So here's the shortest one I can think of.

I'm only guessing....but:

I think you have at the very least, two different things that are causing your feelings of not being satisfied.

1. I think your longing for a relationship that you don't have. I say this because i wonder if maybe what your feeling isn't a lack of intimacy----not sex. They ARE different, after all. I apply the definition of intimacy in my own life as the uninterrupted time that you share passionately with your mate. Whether that be cuddle time, a walk that you share while holding hands, etc.... That's intimacy to me.

2. Do you know for sure if you've ever had an orgasm? It seems that maybe when you masturbate, your getting to a stopping point of some kind, but your left dissatisfied. So I wonder if your orgasming....?

These two examples are only food for thought. I'm not attempting to "diagnose" anything because I'm just not qualified to that sort of thing.

However, I bet if you do some honest soul searching, you'll realize that your dissatisfaction with sex is a SYMPTOM of the real issues. I highly doubt that it's the true problem. But hey.....I'm just a guy. We're notorious for not being able to understand the complexities of the female gender....lol. So we need to see what more of the wonderful girls of SF have to say.

Gold Member

Sigh; you can't fight hormonal driven instincts so no need to feel guilty about feeling horny all the time; it is perfectly natural and the variability is associated with your menstrual cycle.
Our bodies are designed to procreate at the best age for the chance of successful childbearing.
You do however need to control and guide yourself in these matters.
With whom you choose to mate or try out sex only you can decide best.
Anyway I hope you do so with an open eyes & open heart but also protection.

Hey it's almost like i'm reading my own life!
I will tell you this. I was horny for SEX not an orgasm. I got it after 22 years with someone i love very much, just a few weeks ago actually! And it did satiate all horny-ness, and confused the hell out of me.
I wasn't 100% over not being catholic anymore, so now i'm feeling a lot of guilt and betrayal to my own mother who is an over catholic over protective woman.
I suggest you do not have sex....because it won't be with someone you care about and it will leave you feeling worse trust me...
Just wait it out a little longer you'll be glad. It's such a vulnerable time for you. It hurts (hurt me anyway) and you can't un-do it. Plus once you start, you kinda really cannot stop....so...that's where you get into trouble. Wait on out for a long term relationship and then share yourself with them in a loving way. Anyway that's my advice- doesn't mean it's right, but i share a lot of similarities with you so i thought i'd make a suggestion. Let us know how you go!
p.s. - for me, after i had sex, touching myself lost all satisfaction- it no longer feels even half a quarter anymore, so now that i have to wait (long distance and opportunity lacking) it's driving me insane...on a mental and emotional level surprisingly. The pain and lack of awe coming pleasure is leaving me not really wanting it for physical reasons at the moment.

Gold Member

Sex is the ultimate expression of love and trust between two people in a committed relationship. There needs to be a lot more of that in the world. I do not see how it could possibly be wrong on any level. Certainly not because those around me incessantly insisted it was wrong.

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Sex is a primal drive. It has nothing to do with love and trust. It is hardwired into all animals. Society has tried to control it by pounding into your head it's all about love, trust, bonding. BS. The primal need to procreate is innate. Humans, primates, and a few other animals such as dolphins do it for recreations as much as procreation. 46 women preceeded my wife, but I have no problem with her having been my only one for the past 28 yrs. Neither of us were virgins, difinately me, but it has had absolutely no adverse effect on our marriage, in fact, it tends to make for a stronger relationship. Those that marry as virgins tend to have a , what did I miss, questions in the back of thier mind, especially if the sex isn't what they had imagined. My father has done marriage counseling for 30 yrs and those that marry as virgins have far more compatiblity problems than those that had previous partners.

And I was raised Catholic...I know the brainwashing crap they push...thats why I'm athiest.

Gold Member

Well another thing i might is I'm suffering depression.
To Meee.
I think what I lack is intimacy definitely. I've never been romantically intimate with anyone and I think is a human requirement to be close to another person to be honest...and especially with depression I need it more than most people.
I guess sex is one way of being intimate and because of my sex drive it could help. But I totally understand that being in a long term relationship with someone you love and trust makes the sex a lot better and worth while. Love's another thing I need...
It's just I've given up on love and find it hard to trust people now.

Gold Member

Yeah michellesoldman 1. is definitely right! it really is something I need..
as fo 2. I do orgasm and it feels great but an hour later my libido goes up again lol I don't have a dildo maybe that would help, and I've only gotten used to fingering recently, just feels like I need more sexually.

And yes don't worry you may be a guy but you're right lol! it's the depression I guess though now I'm thinking it might be leaning more towards bipolar (0~0)

Gold Member

Hey it's almost like i'm reading my own life!
I will tell you this. I was horny for SEX not an orgasm. I got it after 22 years with someone i love very much, just a few weeks ago actually! And it did satiate all horny-ness, and confused the hell out of me.
I wasn't 100% over not being catholic anymore, so now i'm feeling a lot of guilt and betrayal to my own mother who is an over catholic over protective woman.
I suggest you do not have sex....because it won't be with someone you care about and it will leave you feeling worse trust me...
Just wait it out a little longer you'll be glad. It's such a vulnerable time for you. It hurts (hurt me anyway) and you can't un-do it. Plus once you start, you kinda really cannot stop....so...that's where you get into trouble. Wait on out for a long term relationship and then share yourself with them in a loving way. Anyway that's my advice- doesn't mean it's right, but i share a lot of similarities with you so i thought i'd make a suggestion. Let us know how you go!
p.s. - for me, after i had sex, touching myself lost all satisfaction- it no longer feels even half a quarter anymore, so now that i have to wait (long distance and opportunity lacking) it's driving me insane...on a mental and emotional level surprisingly. The pain and lack of awe coming pleasure is leaving me not really wanting it for physical reasons at the moment.

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Oh wow...that's worrying me now! OKay I suppose it would be wiser to wait for someone who I do love and trust, would hate it if I could no longer satisfy myself I masturbate 2/3 times a day. So I'll be keeping that in mind that's for sure. Thank you glad you understand me x

Gold Member

Sex is a primal drive. It has nothing to do with love and trust. It is hardwired into all animals. Society has tried to control it by pounding into your head it's all about love, trust, bonding. BS. The primal need to procreate is innate. Humans, primates, and a few other animals such as dolphins do it for recreations as much as procreation. 46 women preceeded my wife, but I have no problem with her having been my only one for the past 28 yrs. Neither of us were virgins, difinately me, but it has had absolutely no adverse effect on our marriage, in fact, it tends to make for a stronger relationship. Those that marry as virgins tend to have a , what did I miss, questions in the back of thier mind, especially if the sex isn't what they had imagined. My father has done marriage counseling for 30 yrs and those that marry as virgins have far more compatiblity problems than those that had previous partners.

And I was raised Catholic...I know the brainwashing crap they push...thats why I'm athiest.

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Yeah I kind of agree with you there. Although sex is one of many ways to show your love for someone, sex doesn't equals love. They're pretty separate but compatible.

Wow 46 :eek well you must feel very confident now in your sexual abilties and can satisfy your wife very well

I find that very interesting that in marriage virgins have a harder time... i guess it's because if their partner isn't satisfying them they can't do much about it as they've made the huge commitment of marriage hmmm

I've always believed in some kind of divine being but it just wasn't the catholic one, the bible is just too contradicting :ugh x

Gold Member

Sex is the ultimate expression of love and trust between two people in a committed relationship. There needs to be a lot more of that in the world. I do not see how it could possibly be wrong on any level. Certainly not because those around me incessantly insisted it was wrong.

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The reason I posted that quote is because the OP said:

I had my heart broken one before and I vow never to fall in love again because it was so painful.

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I just wanted to tell her that sex is a beautiful thing between two people that love each other. When I said that, I didn't mean that's all absolutely necessary to have great sex. BackCheck called BS on me and then wrote a couple of paragraphs that mirrored the way I view sex.

My wife and I were both fairly experienced when we got together, living together for 2 years before our marriage of 26 years. No feelings of wrongdoing ever occurred to us. We were both raised as Episcopalians, but never associated sex with any religious feelings. We aren't into any organized religion as adults, and neither of us ever gave a crap about what society thinks.

As we grew closer over time, sex began to involve more passionate feelings than it did when I was having a great time getting my rocks off in my earlier years, all of which I thoroughly enjoyed.

Gold Member

The reason I posted that quote is because the OP said:
BackCheck called BS on me and then wrote a couple of paragraphs that mirrored the way I view sex.

My wife and I were both fairly experienced when we got together, living together for 2 years before our marriage of 26 years. No feelings of wrongdoing ever occurred to us. We were both raised as Episcopalians, but never associated sex with any religious feelings. We aren't into any organized religion as adults, and neither of us ever gave a crap about what society thinks.

As we grew closer over time, sex began to involve more passionate feelings than it did when I was having a great time getting my rocks off in my earlier years, all of which I thoroughly enjoyed.

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Yeah don't worry, I don't think what you said was BS at all, and you didn't say much so they weren't to know you had the same views as them. Going into a marriage as virgin is a game of luck because the two people maybe not be sexually compatible at all...so yeah I agree that you should wait for the right person who you love and cherish but in the mean time?? lol