Four o’clock this morning, my girlfriend and her dyslexic friend, Anna (a fortunate naming choice if you ask me) departed for Black Friday shopping madness, because, apparently, they love unruly consumer mobs, human stampedes, and women-fighting-women. Granted, that last one does sound rather appealing. Still, I begged off tagging along as I’m both agoraphobic and, you know, a man, so I got assigned online shopping responsibilities. Find something for Cousin Mae. I have no idea who Cousin Mae is, but a list is a list and womens clothing is right up my alley (kinda, sorta, not really). But I do not mind surfing some delightful female-type catalogs. Sure, there’s the obvious ones like Victoria’s Secret, but, I’m looking for something new, fresh, invigorating and off beat. AllSaints.com

I believe I just fell in deep lust with a catalog model. Why, hello Ms. Likes-to-Change-Her-Clothes-for-the-Camera. Shall we dance the retail dance? Of course, I bought something for Cousin Mae, lingerie, that is likely to offend at least two people in this familial setting, both my girlfriend and Cousin Mae, but I do love ordering lingerie online. I feel like it’s what cavemen would’ve done all day long if they’d had the Internet. Enjoy your hella shopping day.

If you’re a dude (or a woman) in need of womens clothing, do what I do. Shop online. Nobody should have to die in a mall.