My family, meaning my parents and sisters and then me with my husband and kids, are all very close and supportive. About ten years ago I moved closer to my in-laws for my husband.

We had always lived super close to my family because my husband lets me be spoiled. When I moved, my dad told me that it would never be the same but that I should do what I wanted.

Some small things happened, and it bothered me a little, but I never got a clue. I knew my mom was mad at me because I took my kids away and she was no longer in their lives every day. But I thought she would understand eventually.

My in-laws have kids my parent’s age as they were in their 40s when my husband was born and he is their baby. So I didn’t want him to regret never moving back.

One thing that happened is my sister got closer to my mom (where I once was the closest to her). Then one day my dad called and told me that my mom had been in the hospital for a few days because her blood pressure was super high at a dental appointment. They thought she was going to have a stroke. They didn’t bother to call or tell me anything until after she was out of the hospital. I didn’t know how to take that.

There were things said every once in while that preluded that I took the kids away because I didn’t want my mom to be so close to them (so not true, she is a fantastic grandmother to them). Then my sister moved here. Things were getting better, and I was hoping my parents would follow eventually.

Sadly, my dad (actually legally a stepfather) got super sick at 59 and passed away suddenly. When he got ill, my sisters ran to them. I had a harder time getting there because of money and kids. So I saw him once in the hospital, and then I didn’t get there in time to say goodbye.

Right my dad passed, some extraordinary things started happening. I got texts telling me not to come. And then they started telling me not to bring my husband because mom only needed her family (he is like her son, so that seemed off). I went anyways, and my mom was super happy we were there and needed us. Then in an argument that happens when the family is grieving, I discovered one of my stepdads co-workers paid the ticket for my sister to fly out there right before he passed away. It didn’t bother me until I discovered the same co-worker offered to pay my ticket and was told I couldn’t go away from my family and to not bother. I wasn’t even asked. That eats at me to this day. I was the oldest, and even though he wasn’t my biological father, he was my dad. He helped raise me.

Four weeks later, my biological father was found unconscious. He was diagnosed with a brain infection and was septic like my stepdad. During this time, I was in absolute shock. My sister was planning on taking over all my moms finances because my mother was grieving and unable. She is then planning on moving my mom in with her and buying a bigger house. Keep in mind my mom is 59 years old at the time, not too old. My sister had complete control over my mom’s money and spent all of her 800k that she got from my dads work. Yes, $800,000!

She paid for the house in cash which was 550,000. She pays my mom 1500 a month to buy 1/2 the house. And she gives my mom grief when my mom tries to buy anything. She also makes sure all my kids understand that grandma can no longer buy gifts or anything. Which the only issue I have, is that is my mom’s decision not hers. When my mom passes away, everything will go to her because it is now in her house. Things my dad and mom wanted to give me and my mom believes will still go to me.

The issue has nothing to do with money on my end. But I have this anger towards my sister for her actions. I feel my mom is further away from me emotionally than ever before. And I am hurt how my sister didn’t include me when my mom got sick or when my dad was dying. They didn’t help me when my biological father passed away only four months after dad died. And they gave me grief over caring and bringing my mom with me to his memorial.

I love my sister. I love my family. But I need to find a way to heal from this pain because it’s more than just grief when my mom is sad because she hates living with my sisters. I feel guilty for not being strong enough to stop it. I was dealing with losing another parent. I was too weak to address it and figure out what she wanted.

I don’t understand why my sister didn’t tell me I could have flown out to see dad before he died. Why would she do that? Why did she take over? It’s the first time she made me feel like I wasn’t part of the family. I don’t know how to explain it to her. I don’t.

Hi Ta, don’t feel alone in such a situation. I have been experiencing the same attitude from my siblings for years. Basically, I think they feel intimidated or threatened by you (baffling, I know, you can’t comprehend why?).

They then try to alienate you, and turn around saying or implying “well, it didn’t look like you were interested in the first place”.

Meet your mum have lunch and talk about this. Ask her your mum what she wants to happen.

Your sister took charge and appears to still be in charge mode.

Perhaps talking one to one. Your mum should be the one you, your sister listen to now. Is she happy with this situation? What Would she like to happen from now on? Sister needs to understand her help is appreciated, but now it’s about your mum’s happiness.