FAQ

Monday, March 14, 2016

Make K-Pop Great Again

"I promise you, we're going to make K-Pop great again. I'm going to stop the one of the men behind its current decline," exclaimed Donald Trump as many of his supporters cheered him on. He was at another campaign rally, this time in Korea. There were tens of thousands of Koreans lined up outside, anticipating Trump would finally get rid of idols in Korea.

At the snap of his fingers, two men carried in a man bound to a chair and blindfolded. The two men sat the chair down beside Trump and removed the blindfold. Trump pointed at the man. "This guy is enabling the problem, so we must stop him at all costs."

The crowd was silent, as they had no idea who this guy was. Trump cleared his throat and started again. "This man welcomes the influx of immigrants in K-Pop! These foreign idols are taking jobs away from Koreans! Hello, it's called K-Pop, not A-Pop for Asian Pop!" The crowd started cheering, as many of the people in the crowd naturally hated groups like EXO that had plenty of Chinese members.

"Look how well importing idols from China did for EXO. Half of the group is gone now. What a disgrace. Have you see Wu Yifan's face? No way he could ever become a celebrity without SM. Now that traitorous cockbag is making money in China."

Thunderous applause erupted from the crowd as the Koreans started chanting "Trump! Trump! Trump!" Trump was smiling as the crows kept chanting his name.

"The first thing we must do is to exterminate traitors to the Korean people!" yelled Trump as he pointed back at the man. "We must get rid of Anti Kpop-Fangirl!"

I was sitting there, wondering what in the fucking fuck was going on. I had no idea how I even ended up here.

"Why the hell am I being blamed for any of this?" I asked.

"You support the foreign idols in many girl groups. You are a disgrace to your own kind! Those foreigners are taking away jobs from Koreans!" said Trump as the crowd cheered again.

"Boooooo!!!!!!" yelled the crowd in unison as I mentioned the T-ara member's name.

"One of his favorite idols is part of the treacherous group that basically just promotes in China and Japan now!" proclaimed Trump as the crowd kept booing. "How could he support bullies who don't even want to work in Korea anymore?"

"Well, do you like any other Korean idols?" asked someone from the crowd.

"Yeah, I like Jessica--"

"Boooooo!!!!!"

Trump started laughing. "He supports a member that left Korea to focus on China. He only supports traitors! This is why people like him must be stopped once and for all!"

"Most of the members in most of the groups I like are Korean," I rebutted, trying any way to appease the crowd.

"Well, why do you claim Victoria as your waifu instead of a Korean?" asked Trump.

"Well, how about you let me suck on your daughters tits," I replied, knowing full well whatever I said would be twisted against me.

"Listen to this asshole," said Trump. "He can't even answer my question. This guy has Korean blood but prefers a Chinese woman to all of the Korean women in K-Pop. This guy needs to go. We're going to send him on the other side of the wall so that he can't even listen to K-Pop anymore while in North Korea!"

The crowd cheered as the man were dragging me out. I blacked out soon afterwards as the thought of listening to songs dedicated to Kim Jong Un for the rest of my life haunted me.

I awoke in Pyongyang and all I could hear were old-fashioned songs about how sexy Kim Jong Un is. "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

------

"Nooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed as I woke up. I looked around and everything looked familiar. I could see my Han Ye Seul and Han Hye Jin body pillows.

"Damn, I had another dream that I was a half-Korean, half-German, 100% American male that is a productive member of society," I said as I scratched my neckbeard. I booted up my 1999 computer and started eating leftovers from last night's casserole that mom made for me.

"Well, I've been posting in the AKF account lately, and after closing a few accounts that didn't really work out, I'll try to posting more as HYSF. I haven't had enough people complaining about the site lately," I chortled as my 99 computer on the dial-up modem finally connected to the Internet.

"I wonder if I vote for Bernie that he'll give me a new computer and broadband Internet," I said as I started Googling for HYS nude fakes. "I mean, I was able to use my welfare money to get a custom Han Hye Jin fleshlight for both her pussy and asshole, so I may as well upgrade my computer this time. I'm tired of having the pages load forever whenever I write one of my Kpopalypse articles."

"Son, your welfare check is here," mom yelled from above.

"Oh boy, time to go buy a 'Feel The Bern' shirt and WJSN's new album," I said as I made my monthly departure from Mom's Basement.