I have kept silent in the past, but now I must object to this
campaign by some African Americans to demonize cucumber sandwiches. I'm
as white as they come, and I find the taste of cucumbers disgusting.
But I feel honor bound to defend this vegetable from the attacks of
certain radical black ideologues.

This unjustified savaging of an innocent vegetable -- which was
first cultivated by brown-skinned people in India -- is particularly
ironic, given that the cucumber is a member of the same family (Cucurbitaceae) as the watermelon.

I feel like I am selling out my people because I have never had a
cucumber sandwich. I would assume you use mayo instead of miracle whip
to make more WASPy.

I am determined to get cucumbers next time I go shopping

White people, I have heard your message loud and clear. This blog has been insensitive and inconsiderate. In as much as it dismisses the lighter races as Coldplay-listening, cucumber sandwich-eating dilettantes, this blog has been grossly unfair. For nearly 400 days, it has repeatedly subjected whites to some of the worst verbal oppression every experienced in all the history of internets.

We have held up the beauty of obscure figures like Nia Long and Nona Gaye, while ignoring Nicole Kidman. We have marveled at the artistry of MF Doom, while offering nary a mention of Eminem. We have tried to see the world from the perspective of black homophobes, while offering no quarter to white homophobes. Why are their so many Chris Rock jokes?? What about Seinfeld?? What does it matter the color of a homophobe. Are they not all worthy of quarter??

Now is the time to free white people from the shackles of the neo-colonial, fascist, Gestapo black blogesphere. I dedicate the rest of my life, and the rest of this blogs life, toward ending Black Skin Privilege, toward bringing the races together, toward harmony, and fried chicken and congac for everyone. Black Supremacy is the enemy. Say it with me white folks, "You are. Somebody."