<USS Banshee> "The Distance"

From: "Brad Ruder" <GroundZero@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>

To: ussbanshee@xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Date: Sun, 6 Oct 2002 11:26:49 -0700

?The Distance?by Lieutenant
JoshuaAsper

The Cardassian freighter
loomed on theforward viewscreen. Shogun fighters from the USS
Banshee zoomedabout their pattern ? Delta Two ? and protected the
Banshee. Oddlyenough they were there for no apparent reason.
Commander Andros hadinstructed the bridge crew that in no way,
shape, or form was theBanshee to engage the
Cardassians.

Even though the threat of aconfrontation with
the ever-volatile Cardassian was constantly infront of him, Josh
Asper had to force himself to find another way torelease his
anger or just take his concentration away from wanting tolaunch a
torpedo up the plasma exhaust cylinder and blow the damnfreighter
to high heaven. As much as he wanted to try and focus onthe away
team ? who had been ordered over to the bucket of boltsflying in
front of him ? his mind continued to wander from his tasksonto
more important subjects. The subject, or lack thereof,
wasLieutenant Sara Crusher. His mind couldn?t pull itself
fromher.

?The sky has lost its color; the sun
hasturned to gray; at least that?s how it feels to me
wheneveryou?re away...?

His fingers would dance
merrilyabout his controls. He was starting his standard
diagnostics as henormally did, but he managed to not think about
it. In othercircumstances it may have been considered exemplary
work to be ableto control a station without having to think about
it. In thisinstance, however, it was the problem. He wasn?t
thinking about hiswork, he was thinking about Sara. He would
gaze about the bridge andwatch as the normal people continued
about their tasks and he wassitting there thinking to himself; on
the other hand, he had theadvantage of having a somewhat clear
head while engulfing himself inthe menial tasks of trivial
diagnostics.

?I crawlup in the corner; to
watch the minutes pass;Each one brings mecloser to; the time
you?re coming back...?

After hisshift, which had
progressed considerably longer than usual, he wouldmingle around
Three Forward or just take a walk in the botanicalgardens.
Either locale seemed just as uninviting as the bridge. With the
people in Three Forward, all of them, Josh would isolate
onequality about them right off the bat. As the
conversationprogressed, and the topics got deeper and deeper,
Josh wouldrecognize what the quality was and compare it to that
of Sara?s. Every person he talked to was like that; Sara
waseverywhere.

?I can?t take the distance; I
can?tthe miles;I can?t take the time until I next see you
smile.Ican?t take the distance; but I?m not ashamed;that
with everybreath I take; I?m calling your nameI can?t take
the distance...?

As he roamed silently between
the metal-supportedgrowing pods of the botanical bay, Josh could
compare the flower?sphysical appearance or attributes with that
of Sara. He wouldcontinuously scold himself internally for doing
such things, but hecouldn?t help himself and he couldn?t alter
his perception of thethings around him ? well, without drugs.
And with another locationstuffed in his back pocket as reminding
him of Sara, he would proceedto go to yet another destination
that would prove just asuseless.

?I still
believe my feelings, butsometimes I feel too much.I make
believe you?re close to me, butit ain?t close enough.Not
nearly close enough...?

Josh reminded himself as
he walked alone down thecorridor. He would place his share of
good-looking officers, butcouldn?t pull himself to do anything
but look and compare them toSara. He began to see Sara as his
eternal love; after all, he hadbeen the first woman that he?d
ever given his heart to. There washis fair share of potential
lovers around; hell, if he wanted aone-night stand he wouldn?t
have to go that far. Even though theopportunity was at hands
reach, he couldn?t bring himself to take astep in that direction.
Something told him, something inside, thatit wasn?t right and
that he would be cheating onSara.

?I can?t
take the distance; I can?t themilesI can?t take the time
until I next see you smileI can?ttake the distance; but I?m
not ashamedThat with every breath Itake I?m calling your
name...?

Even in the holodeckadventure that he
went on with Michael Burrows didn?t take his mindfrom Sara. Of
course, the butt-head Ferengi Kark sort of slurred histhoughts.
Josh obviously didn?t see Sara in him; then again, thathardly
means that he should throw himself into the biggest city
onFerenginar. It just wasn?t right. As they went upstairs his
mindstill couldn?t focus on the women in their hot attire that
would lurehim in and do everything that he wanted it. He didn?t
want them,though; he wanted nothing more than to be with Sara.

?I?d brave fire and I?d brave rainTo be
yourside, I?d do anything. I can?t take the
distance...?

Josh realized for the first time
since thisemotional rollercoaster ride started that it wasn?t her
that had theproblem ? and it sure as hell wasn?t Cyanah. He had
initially blamedher, but it wasn?t her. He dove inside of
himself, mentally, andsearched his soul and he tried to explore
his exact feelings towardsSara. All he found was a black void,
one that could only be filledby Sara?s love. There wasn?t
anything that Josh wouldn?t do to helpSara, nothing at all. If
that were true, he was sure it was, but ifit was why was he
pressuring Sara? Why didn?t he just step back andlet the thing
with Cyanah play out? Josh cursed himself internallyabout his
lack of compassion and logic.

?I will gothe
distance; I will go the miles; that?s how much you mean to
me...?

It hit him like a quantum torpedo. After
all he haddone to get Sara back, after all the things that he
thought right hadbeen said, after she had slapped him three or
four times, he realizedthat all she wanted was for him to
understand and help her deal withit. He was truly wrapped up in
himself and his emotional chainsrestricted him from breaking free
to think straight. Sara wanted himto give her some time, so he
would give it to her.

??Cause I can?t take the
distance, I can?t take these miles,Ican?t take the time until
I next see you smileI can?t take thedistance, and I?m not
ashamedWith every breath I take I?m callingyour name...?

It was plain and simple. Let her feelthings out
for herself. It she was truly in love with him, andwanted
anything further to do with him, Josh would wait and make
surethat he was open if she wanted him back. He silently prayed
that shewould eventually come back to him; but, if she didn?t, he
would beforced to move on with his life and there wasn?t any
other optionthan that.

?I can?t take the
distance.?

The distance between him and Sara was
the thing thatwould literally eat a whole inside of his body. He
couldn?t take thedistance; but, at this time, there wasn?t
anything thing that hecould do. For now, he would have to deal
with the distance.