Organi

Most Organi resemble gigantic slugs. However, unlike slugs, they are massive creatures that are easily the size of the average adult orca. Their thick black bodies are covered in a thick layer of chitin that perpetually oozes black ichor while a row of eight blood red orbs is positioned just above a wide, triangular maw crammed with razor sharp teeth. A row of broad flippers lines both sides of the creature's body and thrash frantically as it swims through the murky waters of Tarrod.

Full Life cycle

The Organi are peculiar creatures which inhabit the dank waters of the perpetually submerged continent of Tarrod. The most distinguishing feature about them is their highly atypical lifecycle. The Organi like most of the native fauna of Tarrod is an aquatic being but unlike many other aquatic creatures, it initially begins life as an amphibious being. During the aanual cetecan mating season, thousands of Organi leave their native waters of Tarrod to pursue the pods of small whales and dolphins that leave the coast of Tarrod in order to undertake an epic voyage to the southern seas of Acqua. The abundance of food in Acqua's southern waters ensures that young whales and dolphins born in the wake of the great mating season will gain the sustenance that they require for their survival.

Thus, in order to prey on this veritable nursery of whale and dolphins calves, the Organi follow the the sojourning cetaceans. In the immediate months following their arrival in the southern seas, the Organi gorge themselves on whale and dolphin calves that they ambush with savage ferocity. Their teeth lined maws easily rip off chunks of rich blubber, sating their ravenous hunger. After a near continuous diet of whale and dolphin flesh, the Organi begin to produce certain pheromones which urge their own mating urges into overdrive. Following this, the Organi begin to seek others of their kind who have made the journey into Acquan waters, intent on mating with one another. Asexual creature that it is, whenever an Organi in the throes of lust encounters another of its species, it thrusts a slimly back tendril into the narrow slit located on the underside of its sexual partner.

Meanwhile, its own reproductive orifice is penetrated by the thrust of a similar appendage writhing from the bulk of the other. Following this enthusiastic orgy, the Organi begin to swell rapidly, sometimes up to twice their usual size, as an egg sac begins to develop within their bodies. Five months pass and finally the Organi swim into the shallows located along the islands and expel their egg sacs with a violent shudder of their bodies. Once this has been accomplished, they immediately perish and their carcasses bob on the ocean surface like so many small monstrous isles, quickly attracting the attention of scavengers like the massive Jurokang as well as other lesser crustaceans. The eggs sacs, elongated and translucent masses that are suffused with an extremely purple fluid that verges on black, sink to the bottom and lie there for a week before hatching. Typically as large as a pilot whale, the eggs sacs hatch in an explosion of the vile smelling purple fluid to reveal offspring that are large and robust. However, unlike their parents, the infant Organi do not resemble limbless slug-like beings. On the contrary, they are humanoid creatures that possess two sets of distinct arms and legs. All eight limbs are extremely muscular and large, easily twice the size of the average man's. They terminate in four finger-like appendages overlaid by aquatic webbing designed to enable them to swim efficiently in the water. A small, conical head is perched between the massive, flat shoulders of these infants and is dominated by an irregular sprinkle of crimson orbs. These enable the Organi offspring to see clearly in the event that prey should come within easy reach of an ambush.

Such meals are grabbed with their powerful arms and are then quickly thrust into the ravenous, tooth lined maw dominating their inward sloping torsos. Their bodies are draped in loose folds of a black hide which perpetually oozes the same ichor that the massive bodies of their progenitors produced while they were alive. Possessing both gills and lungs much like the Brave People who rule Tarrod, the juvenile Organi are amphibious beings capable of making short sojourns to the surface. Thus, when fish are scarce or when compelled to avoid a large shark or hungry Jurokang, the Organi sometimes venture onto the islands. Afraid of the scorching rays of the sun which would quickly dehydrate their moist hides and thus resign them to a painful demise, they usually slither out of the waters once the sun sets.

If any unfortunate islander encounters these skulking marauders on a dark beach, he is quickly grabbed by these monstrosities and is subsequently dragged into the waters where he is thrust into the gaping cavity of the foul creature that has ensnared him. Attempting to scream, he can only gurgle in revulsion and horror as the ravenous stomach cavity of the juvenile Organi rapidly expands to fill his field of vision, before proceeding to sever his head from his body in gouts of blood. The rest of the victim’s corpse is quickly ripped to shreds and is crammed into the juvenile Organi’s belly and is rapidly digested by the powerful digestive juices sloshing within its maw. Once this has been accomplished, the creature expels its waste in the form of the of the black ichor that is perpetually secreted by both juvenile and adult Organi.

Fortunately, for the islanders, the juveniles do not linger long in Acqua’s southern seas, but after a month, are compelled by powerful instincts to embark on a long and arduous voyage to Tarrod, the home of their progenitors. This voyage lasts for no less than a year, a lengthy period that becomes a dangerous ordeal for the juvenile Organi , many of which succumb to oceanic predators like krakens, toothed whales and large sharks. By most estimates, less than ten percent of these adolescents make it alive to the permanently immersed land of Tarrod. The survivors however, quickly adapt to their new environment, lurking in the numerous swamps and lagoons of Tarrod to ambush unwary prey ranging from tiny fish to the occasional infant Dunklestous. Even the sentient natives of Tarrod are not safe from their predations, with occasional Eshal and Anura warriors being overpowered by the massive Organi which use their tremendous strength to grab their victim and thrust it into the gaping maw of their bellies. Unlike humans however, both the Anura and the Brave People make dangerous prey and it is not uncommon for an unlucky Organi to be wounded by the thrust of an Eshal or Anura spear.

More intelligent animals would quickly realise the peril inherent in stalking such dangerous prey and would consequently avoid ambushing Eshal or Anura, but juvenile Organi are creatures driven entirely by their hunger and hence attempt to devour anything within reach of their limbs. Even other Organi are seen as potential meals and are treated as such. Some of the Brave People have actually exploited the heedless predatory instincts of the Organi as a means of testing their martial prowess. Hence, hunting pairs of Eshal sometimes deliberately swim in the murky waters of Tarrod in search of an Organi waiting to ambush them. With spears and arm spikes at the ready, they lunge at the hungry predator, seeking to slay it by transfixing its narrow head.

After a period of five months, the juvenile Organi undergo a dramatic metamorphosis and begin to secrete dark greenish fluids from their bodies. This fluid begins to drench the Organi in thick layers until it finally hardens and encases them. This protective covering is extremely durable, being easily as hard as concrete and is designed to protect the Organi from predators while they lie in a catatonic state within. After a period of seven months, the Organi emerge from this cocoon, radically altered into the physical form of mature adults. At this stage, they begin to produce hormones that cause their size to swell rapidly as they prowl Tarrod’s waters in search of prey. As they rapidly grow in size, they quickly become apex predators, eating everything within reach of their gaping maws. The only threats that they face, come from other equally deadly predators like adult Dunkleoustous or hunting parties of Brave people determined to collect the shredding teeth of an adult Organi as a symbol of the courage of their village shoal.

The name of these creatures derives from a failed human effort to repeat the slithery sound of the word that the Eshal use to describe them. Hence the actual meaning of the term is lost to all but the Eshal who refer to them as '‘male-female’’, on account on the fact that adult Organi have the ability to impregnate the eggs of others as well as to bear eggs of their own.

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Do you have any suggestions as to how I could smooth it? I've resolved the spelling errors but I take it that are other mistakes that I've overlooked? Are there any punctuation or grammatical errors that currently mar the sub? Sorry if I'm asking a stupid question here, but I'd just like to know the type of problems that need to be resolved. Thanks for commenting by the way.

The Organi seems like a good race to have in your setting, dangerous opponents that pose a great threat individually. Especially the juvenile Organi seem like a great thing to send against your PCs in their inland villages.

For me this was a hard read however. The text, while grammatically great, is often dry and scholarly in the manner of university texts and professors' documents. I actually thought "Maggot is David Attenborough for sure", at a moment there. ;) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Attenborough

I do believe that some physiology is important, but I think this text delves too much into the biological minutae.

There is a glimmer of light: The fifth paragraph details juvenile Organis' inland incursions at night. That instantly triggered my imagination and I began envisioning plots and side-quests in which Juvenile Organi slaughter entire households of remote farms and villages. Thumbs up for that, and the reason for +0.5.

Point noted, AG. You're right, this sub was a bit lacking when it comes to suitably dramatic elements. I'll have to rectify that for my future subs. I'm afraid that it might have something to do with the fact that it's been barely a month since I stopped churning out academic essays. :)

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