3 Women Open Up About Sexual Harassment in the Workplace

A bank teller, bartender, and scientist share their stories of sexual harassment at work.

"'I've Been Told by Customers That They'd 'Love to Bend Me Over'"

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—Tiffany Kirk, 25, bartender at Howl at the Moon restaurant in Houston.

"I've worked at different jobs in the service industry for nine years, and inappropriate comments happened everywhere. It started when I was 16, working as a door host. Customers would give me cash to get them a better table and hold my hand a little longer than they should have. There was a lot of seductive lip-licking. I was shocked and grossed out, but I didn't realize it was sexual harassment. I thought that stuff was just part of being an adult.

"It got worse when I started waiting tables. I've had my butt grabbed while I'm holding a tray of drinks, been slipped hotel keys, been told by customers that they'd 'love to bend me over.'

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"The grossest thing that ever happened was having my hand licked — a customer in his 50s just grabbed my hand when I was running his credit card. I felt revolted … and helpless. If I told him off, he wouldn't tip. In Texas, the minimum wage is $2.13 an hour for servers and bartenders. The rest comes from tips. I'm considering that my coworkers and I have a big tip pool, so I'm making somebody else's car payment for them and they're making mine.

"I moved up to bartending because it typically pays more money and the hours are more flexible for me as a mom of a 3-year-old daughter. But I still get treated as a subpar human being. It sounds cheesy, but there are some nights when you're cleaning up and you just cry because it's so emotionally draining. For a year, a customer would try to kiss our cheeks and tell us that we'd never do anything with our lives because we're bartenders. All the girls behind the bar had to come together and get a male bartender to ban him.

"It hasn't happened at my current job, but I've seen management retaliate against other waitresses in the industry. They'll complain about sexual harassment, and their boss will say, 'If you can't deal with it, don't do this job.' There are ways that managers can ice you out. They'll take away Friday- and Saturday-night shifts and give you Monday mornings instead. That's taking money out of your pocket. If you prove to be a problem, they can get rid of you.

"Speaking out about this is a huge gamble, because I'm still working in the industry. But it's gotten harder and harder for me not to say something to patrons when they harass me. I've started to tell them it's not OK. 'No, I will not go back to your hotel room — I don't do that with strangers.' I'm also going to rallies with ROC (Restaurant Opportunities Center) United, an organization that protests harassment in the industry. We work in a field where women are often required to dress like a piece of meat. Managers have told women to look 'date-ready' for work — because if we look sexy, that'll make customers stay longer and spend more money.

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"When you are in public, and you see a man talking down to a server or bartender, and you feel that's not right, say something. If one person says something, it can have a domino effect. When my daughter grows up, I want her to be proud that I was a catalyst for change."

"I Was Sexually Harassed Over Email"

In October 2013, Lee, Scientific American's Urban Scientist blogger, turned down a request from another site, Biology Online, that she write for free. Biology Online's editor replied via email: "Are you an urban scientist or an urban whore?" (That editor was subsequently fired.) Lee exposed the incident on her blog, sparking a heated discussion about sexism and sexual harassment in science.

"[That email] was like getting popped in the mouth. Most of the things I deal with are hazy gray micro aggressions. People make backhanded remarks, implying that because I'm a woman or because I'm black that I've made myself special without earning my right to be here.

"It blows my mind that science is all about making advancements and it's a sexist field. Even now, as a postdoctoral researcher, men will demote me and call me a 'grad student.' There's this expectation that you're not capable. Whether consciously or not, people use everybody else's title, but not mine. You did not mishear me. I said 'Dr. Lee.'

"We often say, 'It's not a big deal.' But as I got older, I've realized whether or not it's a big deal, it's bothering me. If someone's behavior is throwing you off, chances are, there's something wrong with it. It's a type of psychological and emotional violence that takes a toll on you in your workplace.

"I used to brush it off. Now I'm fresh out of fucks. I call people out, ask them how many women or people of color they're interviewing for a job. We need to change who the power brokers are. We need more minorities and LGBT people at the table. That's what changes the behavior and the culture."

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"My Female Bosses Centered Our Office Culture Around Sex"

Joanna Garcia, 28, bank teller.

She had high hopes when she started at a Wells Fargo branch in Reno, Nevada, in 2010. But Garcia alleges her female supervisor and another female teller made the office all about sex, including subjecting her and three coworkers to "sexually explicit comments" and "suggesting that the [employees] wear sexually provocative attire in order to attract customers," according to a lawsuit filed on Garcia's behalf by the EEOC. Garcia's supervisor left Wells Fargo, and last year, the bank paid Garcia and her coworkers a $290,000 settlement. It denied liability. (In a statement, Wells Fargo said the case was an "isolated incident," and it remains "committed to fostering a welcoming work environment for all team members.") Garcia talks here for the first time about her side of the story.

"She — my supervisor — never hit on me. It was more speaking inappropriately, graphic images, encouraging us to dress sexier for our customers. That was how she dressed. It was just a hostile, sexual environment.

"You always think about it as a man doing it, so you're almost in denial. You think, 'Maybe she's my friend, and that's why she's doing this?' But with my friends, I can say, 'Stop.' When it's your supervisor, you don't know what to say. I was new. I wanted to succeed. But those comments weren't OK. If I want to dress professionally for work and not like I'm going out at night, then I should have that choice.

"As women, we already have enough pressure to look good. Now you have this message at work that your success isn't about your work, it's about the way you look. I lost so much weight. I was depressed.

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"Other people were feeling the same. We told [the women] it was inappropriate. I'd say, 'Hey, don't lift up your shirt' or 'Can you not talk about that?' But it kept going and going and going.

"I went to my branch manager and told him I didn't feel comfortable. He told me they were going to fix it, but nothing changed. It was about power. My supervisor felt like she could say those things to us and there wouldn't be any consequences.

"I was coming home and crying. Friends were like, 'What's wrong? You were so excited about this job.' Having to deal with that every single day at work, you just get tired. I'm so lucky I had my boyfriend, now my husband, to tell me, 'You're beautiful as is. You don't need to deal with these people.'

"My friend told me about the EEOC and said I could put in a complaint. When I did that, I felt the retaliation at work. There were meetings where I'd be raising my hand and they wouldn't pay attention to me. I didn't want to quit, but I was pretty much forced to, because the environment was so bad. I remember just calling my boyfriend and saying 'Come get me. It's over.'

"I never wanted people to leave their jobs over this. I just wanted things to stop. When it was all finally over, I had mixed emotions. I was sad these people's names were out there, but I'm happy there's closure.

"It's always going to stay with me, and it's never going to go away. But now I'm aware and I'm educated, and I want other people to be educated with me. I would love for employers to have stricter sexual harassment policies. One time should be enough for someone to say, 'Hey, I don't feel comfortable with the comments, and it's interfering with my job.' If something makes you feel uncomfortable, if it's sexual, report it. Whether it's a man or it's a woman, it's not OK."

This article was originally published in "He Said WHAT At Work?" in the March 2015 issue of Cosmopolitan. Click here to get the issue in the iTunes store!

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