PSYCHOLOGIST |SEXOLOGIST | EDUCATOR

The Ew Factor in Sex Work

I get a lot of e-mail from people who need advice or have questions, and I don’t usually mind answering them. I know my way around the Dutch BDSM scene, I can point people to the right websites, and questions about sexuality don’t bother me.

Dear Marijke, my name is Mike and I have a question. I’m really into women’s underwear. I sometimes borrow my sister’s panties, it just really turns me on wearing them. Is this normal or is there something wrong with me?

Dear Marijke, my name is Edward and I have a question. I’m really into women’s underwear. I sometimes borrow my sister’s panties, it just really turns my on wearing them, feeling the soft fabric on my hard, pre-cum dripping cock, smearing it all over, and the tight feeling over my balls, the softness just barely cupping them feels so hot. It this normal?

Right. Yuck. It’s obvious Edward is getting off on telling me about his fetish, he’s involving me in his sexual experience without my consent. Sometimes it seems these people actually get off on the fact that I don’t consent, like a virtual ‘flasher’. I call it the ew-factor, the feeling that a certain boundary has been crossed, something’s not right here and it’s just.. ew.

“ICT project manager prevents human trafficking. Expert in ICT? Turn it into police work” it says on the advertisement above. You can find these posters in train stations and other public places, and it seems so voyeuristic to me. Bare legs, skimpy clothes, the suggestion of sexual violence, stereotypical image of street prostitution (actually one of the less prevalent forms of prostitution, but apparently it’s a good image).

The human trafficking myth is not just incorrect, not just used to oppress women and sex workers, it’s also very sexual. Thirteen year old girls being forced to read pornographic stories so their owners get more money, sex workers displayed against their will for abolitionists’ enjoyment and very explicit, violent and pornographic stories about horrors that might actually have occurred. It’s like they’re getting off on it. Ew factor.

It’s not right to use women and girls for your own sexual gratification without their consent. I don’t care how much of a hero you think you are, it’s not acceptable.

By the way, the Dutch are making a habit of harassing adults engaged in consensual behaviour. Recreational use of cannabis is tolerated in the Netherlands, but as you can see on the left: “Software engineer rounds up marijuana grow room. Expert in ICT?”

Marijke Vonk is a Dutch sex-positive psychologist specialised in working with sexual minorities. Besides working as a therapist, she is a writer and lecturer on various topics concerning sexuality. Main topics on this blog include kink, gender equality, sex workers' rights, non-monogamy and psychology.