Why SF is the worst place on Earth to have a breakup

April 26, 2018 4:00 AM

Click through the gallery for a roundup of all the ways SF makes breakups harder.

Click through the gallery for a roundup of all the ways SF makes breakups harder.

Click through the gallery for a roundup of all the ways SF makes...photo-15453593.180717 - |ucfirst

At the end of the day, it's a small city, so get ready to see your exes everywhere... San Francisco is a city of about 865,000, and never does that number feel smaller than when you're trying to avoid one person and can't stop running into them at every bookstore, bar and dim sum spot you've ever loved. What's a broken-up couple to do when they share the same haunts and there aren't enough good dives to go around? My strategy thus far has been to literally hide, but I am open to your suggestions, dear reader.

At the end of the day, it's a small city, so get ready to see your exes everywhere... San Francisco is a city of about 865,000, and never does that number feel smaller than when you're trying to avoid one

At the end of the day, it's a small city, so get ready to...photo-14412970.180717 - |ucfirst

...Especially along SF's few high-functioning transit corridors. At times, BART and SF's most popular bus lines can take on all the worst qualities of a college reunion (people you used to be intimately involved with and all of their friends, occasional screams, someone peeing in the corner) with none of the qualities that make college reunions bearable (beer). This is the real reason why we need a second transbay tube.

...Especially along SF's few high-functioning transit corridors. At times, BART and SF's most popular bus lines can take on all the worst qualities of a college reunion (people you used to be intimately

There aren't enough desolate but not-gross streets on which to cry. A couple weeks ago I tried to take a tearful little walk in the vicinity of my office building while blasting some early-2000s sad jams on my headphones. I just wanted to mope and then maybe write something sad about my moping, like a less-racist Morrissey. But I was shaken from my reverie by the sight of a dude full-on Winnie the Pooh-ing* and dropping a deuce in the street. Chastened, I returned to my office.

There aren't enough desolate but not-gross streets on which to cry. A couple weeks ago I tried to take a tearful little walk in the vicinity of my office building while blasting some early-2000s sad jams on ... more

It happens to us all. Your breakup shakes you from your state of semi-hibernation and you look down at your doughy middle, your unshaven legs. "Uh oh," you think. What follows is a ritual as old as time: cultivating the revenge-bod. Even if your parting was amicable, there’s something soothing about single-mindedly devoting yourself to the task of trying to become as attractive as possible in the aftermath of a separation. But because San Francisco is so expensive, get ready for paying for pampering to bleed you dry. Joining a gym? Expensive! Massages? Expensive! Haircuts? Expensive! Also, prepare to learn that you possess physical flaws you did not even know were things (hello there, under-chin fat).

…And people are so healthy here that the bar is too damn high....photo-15446265.180717 - |ucfirst

Moving is a special hell here. Between the impossibility of finding a reasonably priced apartment and movers so swamped with people trying to leave that there's a U-Haul shortage, leaving the digs you share with a partner is especially brutal in SF. And if you try to lug your stuff from one place to the next by yourself, have fun with all the hills and impossible parking.

Moving is a special hell here. Between the impossibility of finding a reasonably priced apartment and movers so swamped with people trying to leave that there's a U-Haul shortage, leaving the digs you share

Moving is a special hell here. Between the impossibility of...photo-15087367.180717 - |ucfirst

Uh oh, now you have to date tech bros. There is something uniquely dispiriting about taking a walk post-breakup and coming to grips with how much of the dating pool is clad in basketball shorts and zipping past you on Bird scooters with nary a care in the world, off to spend some of their six-figure salary buying some bulletproof coffee or Dragonchain or heaven help us, a Onewheel.

Uh oh, now you have to date tech bros. There is something uniquely dispiriting about taking a walk post-breakup and coming to grips with how much of the dating pool is clad in basketball shorts and zipping past

And the apps make everyone too picky. It's an inevitable side-effect of swiping culture that everyone thinks they can do better. Getting the self-esteem boost you crave after a breakup can be challenging when even the scooter people are scooting along to see what else is out there.

And the apps make everyone too picky. It's an inevitable side-effect of swiping culture that everyone thinks they can do better. Getting the self-esteem boost you crave after a breakup can be challenging when

Every article about Bay Area dating culture makes you want to go...photo-10831655.180717 - |ucfirst

Maintaining a strong support system of friends is hard in a city full of transplants. At SFGATE, we're constantly writing about people fleeing the Bay Area for regions where housing costs are less insane. The turnover of people is a well-documented fact of life here. But with people constantly leaving, it can be hard to cultivate the years-long friendships that help provide support in the wake of a split. less

Maintaining a strong support system of friends is hard in a city full of transplants. At SFGATE, we're constantly writing about people fleeing the Bay Area for regions where housing costs are less insane. The ... more

Photo: Getty

Maintaining a strong support system of friends is hard in a city...photo-15446612.180717 - |ucfirst

No splitting expenses probably means big lifestyle changes. Lately I've been thinking a lot about a post on a Bay Area blog, the Bold Italic, asking creative freelancers how they make their finances work in SF. They had a variety of strategies, but what stuck out to me immediately was that all but one had something in common: They all lived with their partners and split expenses. Going from being part of a two-income household to flying solo in SF can easily take a person's budget from tight to untenable. less

No splitting expenses probably means big lifestyle changes. Lately I've been thinking a lot about a post on a Bay Area blog, the Bold Italic, asking creative freelancers how they make their finances work in SF. ... more

You feel guilty because in the grand scheme of things, your problems are so small. Everyone likes to indulge in a bit of self-pity after a breakup. But it’s hard to feel sorry for yourself for long when you’re surrounded by so much entrenched human misery on SF's streets. It's hard to wallow when you’re constantly reminded how much worse so many others have it. A walk around the average San Francisco neighborhood can make processing the small, ordinary hurts in one's life feel self-indulgent. less

You feel guilty because in the grand scheme of things, your problems are so small. Everyone likes to indulge in a bit of self-pity after a breakup. But it’s hard to feel sorry for yourself for long when ... more

You feel guilty because in the grand scheme of things, your...photo-12201666.180717 - |ucfirst

Everybody else is getting married, apparently. Long a bastion of people who married late or not at all, San Francisco recently experienced a huge surge in the frequency of nuptials. The marriage rate has increased a staggering 52 percent since the 2007-2008 fiscal year, the assessor-recorder's office said in February. And with it, a 52 percent increase in our fears of dying alone.

Everybody else is getting married, apparently. Long a bastion of people who married late or not at all, San Francisco recently experienced a huge surge in the frequency of nuptials. The marriage rate has