It's raining raw chicken parts in Virginia! Teenager Cassie Bernard was horseback riding around Queen Hive Farm when a foot-long raw chicken part fell on her out of the clear blue sky. Two other parts fell nearby. Fortunately Cassie was wearing a protective helmet, so she was not injured. And believe me, no teenager wants to have to explain a head injury with, "Oh, a piece of raw chicken rained down on my head."

The origin of the chicken parts remains a mystery. No one knows where they came from! There is a Tyson processing plant nearby, but they deny that the chicken parts come from them. Anyway, it's not like a chicken could fly away from a slaughterhouse after it's already been killed and plucked. So what the hell?

My first thought was dear god no, they finally got Big Bird! But after a phone call, Children's Television Network confirmed that Big Bird is alive and well. They also kindly informed me that today a moratorium on Big Bird jokes was issued. So fine you guys.

That still doesn't explain the chicken parts. Scientists are saying the most likely explanation is that a seagull grabbed a snack and then accidentally dropped it. The chicken could have come from a compost heap (they say -- but who puts raw chicken in their compost -- is that a thing?!?). Honestly, the more I hear about this story and weirder and more improbable it gets.

But here's another wacky detail. Apparently this all went down in a town called Assawoman, and YES, that is a real town. Check it out: Assawoman. They changed it from "Asawaman." WHY? I swear, someone set this whole chicken raining thing up as a big practical joke in the hopes of hearing reporters say "Assawoman" on the air.

You know how sometimes you wish your lunch would just fall down from the sky? Well stop that. Because when it really happens, it comes down uncooked. And who knows how much salmonella is growing on those parts. Also -- how do you get a foot-long piece of chicken, anyway?

This has to be the loopiest version of "Chicken Little" I've ever, ever heard. What's next, flying pigs?