Review: We’ll Always Have Paris (Star Trek The Next Generation)

Show begins with Picard kicking a crewman’s ass at fencing. Suddenly, time begins to loop. Jean Luc is so bad ass, he doesn’t panic at all. He calls the bridge and goes to work. I love him.

The entire ship experienced the weirdness. It’s because of some crazy fucked up time loop. Picard orders the D to travel at Warp 8, ripping up space. He hasn’t figured that out yet since the episode about warp travel causing damage isn’t until later in the series. Oh well. I still think that was a shitty idea.

Has anyone noticed the comet on the HD open now has an off center lens flare? Bugs me.

So Counselor Troi interrupts Picard because he had anxiety when he heard the name Paul Manheim. “What is it?” He snaps. Then, he lets her talk a bunch so she feels important, too. He says I’ll let you know if I need anything and stomps off. It’s pretty nice.

But then he travels to Paris, France (not Tom Paris). He wears his bellhop uniform. It’s, by far, the least appealing element of this show to a new viewer. There is also a lot of ADR lines which sound obviously out of place. Still, I love it.

He sees a gorgeous girl with her breasts just dangling out. He’s staring and it’s kind of funny/creepy. He then chases a pigeon out of the holodeck and breaks character. I pretended it was Patrick Stewart getting tired of the show.

Picard goes to the bridge and the techno-babble is insane. 664 by 423 captain, a class B warp planetoid with a pulsar bla bla bla. They even work in the word “Terminator” like no one would notice. I noticed. I remember. Pepperidge Farm remembers.

The HD conversion is weird at times. Picard walks up the bridge and he’s really overexposed on film. I guess as they increased the brightness, that was one of the side effects. So, a hot blonde starts talking to Picard and in the MIDDLE of saving someone’s life, Crusher stops, turns around and gets jealous. Worst doctor ever. She’s always screwing up. I think my real life family doctor has a lower mortality rate than she does. There was one episode where someone was beamed on board and she just said “Oh he’s dead.” WTF? Shock him or something! At least give me the illusion that you tried. That’s what I’d do as a doctor if I knew nothing could be done. Give me your foot sir, I would say, as I began tapping my finger on their knee and telling them this helps.

Crusher sneaks up and starts listening, like a true woman. Women can hear from across the house with the vacuum cleaner on. She makes up fake tests for the beautiful blonde to take and then shows her disapproval for Picard. When they get in the turbo lift, I realize it looks like vinyl siding.

Suddenly, one of my favorite scenes ever in Star Trek takes place and it’s subtle. Picard, Data, and Riker get in the turbolift. Then the door opens and it’s them getting into the turbo lift. They all begin talking to themselves and the show shifts to the new crew who appeared as the door closes. It’s funky. Amazes me Gene Roddenberry could come up with all of this while philandering so many women.

The terrifying transporter screws up and almost demolecularizes half of the cast. They get saved by the transporter chief who gets sassy with the first officer. I think he got fired.

Picard has to explain to pretty blonde why he didn’t go on the date with her. He was afraid he would quit Space Force and marry her and look at her! I might too! Picard leans on the ship set and it’s all scratched and dirty. HD!

Troi has to give another unsuccessful counseling session to someone, this time Crusher.

Data goes to the ground and does an action scene with bad lasers. Then, he walks through some fluorescent bulbs and screams at himself and this big shifting glass like illusion. He puts a can of baked beans in it and closes up.

Picard has dinner in Paris with pretty girl. Then he goes to the bridge and Troi looks all sulked. Picard smarts off to her one final time and that’s all folks!