better
light a candle than curse the darkness

Two-third
of Ramadan, the holiest month for Muslims, has already passed and many
of us may be wondering what we gained until now, and how best to make
use of the rest of it. Apart from many spiritual and medical benefits
cited by most of us, I feel Ramadan is far more than rituals that bring
us closer to the Almighty, raise our claims to a seat in Jannah, or,
makes us physically fit, and healthier. Through the various control
mechanisms, Ramadan could easily make us more emotionally intelligent.
Before we could answer how, let us understand what the intellectuals
mean by Emotional Intelligence.

Who
does not have feelings? Who is without emotions? Do we not feel
sometimes confident, sometimes nervous; sometimes happy, some other
times sad? How do we manage to hide our sadness or happiness when we
know the others might not like it? Don’t we manage them? What makes us
feel at the top of the world one moment and at the great depths of
depression the other moment? What makes us win people in a few seconds
and what makes us ruin an age-old relationship in another few seconds?
What makes one individual a winner in every negotiation and another a
miserable loser all the time? What makes a leader and what a dumb
follower? Are good scientists and professors good managers and leaders
also, and successful leaders good teachers or parents? Why can’t all
intelligent persons make use of their intelligence to the same extent,
i.e., have the same level of IQ, and thus be successful to the same
levels? Can the most intelligent Computer lead an organization, an
institution, or a country?

Emotion,
perhaps, is the most important characteristic that could distinguish
between the most intelligent and the most successful persons. Emotions
are so important because our bodies need to communicate with us, and
with others, to tell us what we need. Emotions also help us establish
our boundaries. Additionally, emotions have the potential to unite and
connect us. Emotions serve as our inner moral and ethical compass.
Decisions affecting humans cannot be perfect using analysis or
calculations alone; emotions are essential for good decision-making.

Intelligence
is just one characteristic of the human being. And just one
characteristic cannot make an individual a leader, manager, professor
or scientist. Because we are humans and humans are not without
emotions, being intelligent is not enough for us to be able to succeed
or lead. Because we have to deal with humans in all our roles, we must
also learn to manage our emotions and guide them to a positive use.
Unguided emotions are most likely to fail us whereas when channelized
prudently and intelligently, the same emotions definitely could lead us
to success every time.

Like
all the ingredients of a product, just by virtue of being put together
in a place, cannot make a product, we can realize that all the
characteristics already present within us cannot make us become what we
wish to become. Through the science of Emotional Intelligence, an
attempt is being made to make best use of the two most significant
human characteristics, Emotions and Intelligence. In the words of
Salovey and Mayer, who coined the term Emotional Intelligence in 1990,
it is “a form of social intelligence that involves the ability to
monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate
among them, and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and
action.” In another place, they describe it as “the ability to perceive
emotions, to access and generate emotions so as to assist thought, to
understand emotions and emotional knowledge, and to reflectively
regulate emotions so as to promote emotional and intellectual growth”.

In the early
1990’s Daniel Goleman made the concept popular through his book,
Emotional Intelligence. Goleman made EI
easy to understand, by dealing with its five main components in details:1. Self-awareness:
Allah tells
us our lowly status [created you out of dust, then out of sperm, then
out of a leech-like clot, then out of a morsel of flesh, partly formed
and partly unformed (Quran, 22:5)] or our status as the best of
creatures [Quran, 3: 110, 95:5], commands us to be aware of what is
right and what is wrong … …

2. Emotional literacy
(label emotions precisely, and be able to talk about feelings with
others): Quran advises us to talk to Allah, seek strength or refuge,
guidance or forgiveness, i.e., communicate our emotions with the belief
that Allah answers all our prayers (Quran, 40:60)

3. Empathy and compassion
(ability to feel and understand the emotions of others): Throughout
Quran, Allah asks to care for ourselves, our families, our neighbours,
poor and destitutes, wayfarers, the indebted and the weak, animals and
all other creatures.

4. Balance
(to make decisions using a healthy balance of emotion and reason):
Allah asks us to be moderate (balanced) in all our actions [2: 43, 2:
143, 31:19, 17:110], and promote fairness and justice.
5. Responsibility
(taking primary responsibility for our own emotions and happiness. Not
saying that others "made" us feel the way we feel): Allah crowns us the
leadership of mankind (khalifa of Allah, on earth, e.g., in 2:30,
2:143, 3: 110, 22:78, and 38:26) which is given to only those who
realize the importance of responsibility.
If
we term Quran as the first book on emotional intelligence, it should
not be an exaggeration. But, if we claim Quran is just about that, it
could be limiting the value of Quran drastically, because Quran is far
more than that. But yes, Quran definitely deals with the “emotional
intelligence” aspects of human beings, and guides through emotionally
intelligent ways to gain absolute and permanent success, making the
best use of our emotions and intelligence (hikmah); being masters of
our emotions or intelligence rather than being their slaves. Let us
take a simple example from Quran, referring to anger (an evil).

[Quran, 41: 34-36] Nor can goodness and Evil be equal (1*).
Repel (Evil) with what is better (2): Then will he between whom and
thee was hatred become as it were thy friend and intimate (3)! And no
one will be granted such goodness except those who exercise patience
and self-restraint (4),- none but persons of the greatest good fortune.
And if (at any time) an incitement to discord is made to thee by the
Evil One, seek refuge in Allah (5). He is the One Who hears and knows
all things.*The
numbers indicate the Goleman’s component of EI that the part of ayah
may be considered as referring to. Applying wisdom, reflecting at the
above verse, and at most verses of Quran, it becomes easy to understand
that Allah wants us to be the best of people, that which He created us
initially (in the state of fitrah, i.e, purity), emotionally
intelligent and much more.
Ye
are the best of peoples, evolved for mankind, enjoining what is right,
forbidding what is wrong, and believing in Allah. If only the People of
the Book had faith, it were best for them: among them are some who have
faith, but most of them are perverted transgressors. [Quran,
Chapter #3, Verse #110)

It
seems Goleman and his elk understood Quran better than those who seek
Allah’s blessings reciting it day and night, particularly during
Ramadan! Why do we miss the bus in all spheres of knowledge and the
worldly life? Considering this life to be the laboratory for Jannah, is
it an emotionally intelligent behaviour? Ramadan being the month to
practice all the components that would raise our EQ (Emotional
Quotient, the measure of EI) level, shall we wait for another Ramadan?
Practice must result in internalizing those habits so that they become
part of our culture; we see a lot of these traits in “others”. Does it
mean we don’t practice what we preach? Allah helps those who help
themselves (Quran, 13:11), so let’s do our best to become the best of
people. Happy Eid-ul-Fitra!!