Real Housewives

Wow. That may have just been the most entertaining episode we've seen in years on The Real Housewives of New York City. Possibly in the history of the entire Housewives franchise. As Bethenny clashes with Sonja over her "cheater" brand, Ramona, Dorinda and John get into an epic - and I mean EPIC - screaming match on the streets of the Big Apple. Read on for a complete recap of all the drama and chaos...

The Countess is officially moving into Lady Morgan's townhouse! Luann de Lesseps arrives on the Upper East Side with her luggage in tow, anxious to rehash the events of Sonja Morgan's birthday party the night before. She was supportive yet surprised by the announcement of Tipsy Girl, Sonja's line of Prosecco and rosé, at the party and asks whether Lady Morgan has mentioned the new business venture to Bethenny Frankel yet. Sonja hasn't said a word yet to the Skinnygirl mogul. While Luann points out the obvious similarity between the names of the two brands, Sonja thinks it's just a happy coincidence that they both have "girl" in their names. Besides, she's convinced that as her unofficial business mentor, Bethenny is going to be excited about the fact that she's getting into the alcohol business and be nothing short of completely supportive.

However, word of the new business has already reached Bethenny courtesy of an article in Page Six about the similarities between Skinnygirl and Tipsy Girl. She meets Carole Radziwill and Ramona Singer for dinner at NoMo in the heart of Soho and Ramotional fills the other two 'Wives in on all the details from Sonja's birthday party. Bethenny finds being dragged into the press by the Page Six story to be an annoyance to say the least, and thinks Sonja's only using her to get publicity for her latest fake business. Ramona wonders aloud if Sonja really knows what she's doing, but both Bethenny and Carole believe Lady Morgan is precisely aware of the game she's playing. Bethenny calls the move "disgusting" and chalks it up to Sonja being narcissistic, then informs the other 'Wives that Sonja dropping by the Skinnygirl offices the next day. However, Bethenny's already hurt that Sonja would so blatantly attempt to rip off the brand she's spent years building, so Lady Morgan might not love the visit she's in for. Bethenny also declares that it's the last conversation Sonja's going to have with her - as Carole points out in her confessional, Sonja bumbling her way into this shady business deal may have just cost her a friendship.

The next morning, Dorinda Medley invites Ramona to breakfast at iconic NYC eatery Sarabeth's Bakery. The restaurant holds lots of history for the longtime pals, and Dorinda's hoping that the setting will remind Ramona of the importance of their friendship, which is currently being strained by Ramotional's constant drama with her boyfriend John Mahdessian. Dorinda spends much of the meal advising Ramona over her floundering friendship with Sonja, but at the same time is trying to get the OG to see how her advice also applies to the two of them. Eventually, Dorinda comes right out and tells Ramona that, for the sake of their friendship, the constant John-bashing has to stop. She explains that she would always be supportive of the choices Ramona makes - especially when it comes to dating - and she's simply asking for the same thing in return. Even if Ramona has to fake it, she needs to be nicer to John.

Sonja arrives at the Skinnygirl office somehow under the impression that she's walking into some sort of business meeting with Bethenny. She's excited to tell her unofficial "mentor" all about Tipsy Girl, but Bethenny is ready to give her a cold, hard reality check. As soon as Sonja starts talking about her new Prosecco and all the distributors she and her partners are working with, Bethenny demands names. When the only thing Sonja can come up with is "all the distributors," B goes in on her hard, calling her a "fraud" who's managed to create smoke and mirrors around "six fake businesses." Bethenny calls B.S. on everything Sonja's done - from the toaster oven and the Caburlesque to the Gold and White Diamond Collection and the Nigerian football team that never was. The Skinnygirl educates Sonja on the fact that when someone deliberately rips off another person's successful business idea, it's called a "cheater brand" and accuses her of doing exactly that with Tipsy Girl. Sonja's defense is that she's merely trying to get back to where she was before filing for her chapter 11 bankruptcy. Sonja starts breaking down in tears as she tries to explain that she looks up to Bethenny and just thought that breaking into the alcohol industry would be a good way for her to get ahead too, but B isn't buying it. Once Sonja stops crying, Bethenny declares that she's done with the conversation and sends Sonja down the elevator in an entirely different type of walk of shame than she's used to taking.

We get a brief respite from the drama courtesy of Jules Wainstein, who's interviewing for a new nanny after her previous one up and left without so much as a goodbye to the kids. Within 10 seconds of the interview, I'm laughing out loud as Jules grills her prospective nanny on whether she's willing to stand in line for hours at the Bonpoint sample sale and if she can do blow-outs. The interview turns into an impromptu test when Jules asks the would-be nanny to hypothetically put together an outfit for two-year-old Rio and while the applicant passes with her outfit in shades of gray, she fails for not being able to speak Spanish fluently. Back to square one, Jules.

Meanwhile, Carole's back in domestic bliss now that her hot boyfriend Adam Kenworthy has returned from Ethiopia. The couple has decided to combine their respective talents as a chef and a writer by penning a cookbook together, tentatively titled "The Reluctant Vegan." This is very interesting, but I'm too distracted by how amazing Adam's long mane of hair is to pay more attention to his actual vegan diet. As for the book of essays Writer Girl was supposed to be working on all last season? Yeah, she's decided writing a cookbook about her love of processed foods is more fun, so she and her editor mutually decided to part ways and revisit the other project at a later date. As it turns out, Carole didn't seem to be enjoying her process with that book last season anyway, and I'm fine with whatever allows for Writer Girl to pen her weekly blogs for Bravotv.com.

That night, Luann meets Ramona and Sonja downtown for dinner at Sushi Roxx, which has been referred to by the New York Post as NYC's "most bizarre new theatrical dinner experience." It's the trio's first stop of the night, and Ramonja spend much of the meal breaking wine glasses and gossiping about Luann's revolving door of male paramours. (This is apparently happening off-camera.) In fact, the Singer Stinger can't resist but repeat a vulgar tidbit of information she learned from former Housewife Aviva Drescher's ex-husband Harry Dubin about the Countess's proclivities in bed. It's too forward to write in this recap, but feel free to go back and re-watch the episode if you're dying to find out. But as Ramotional would say, when it rains, it pours and when you're wet, you're wet. Changing the subject from this lively, salacious subject, Sonja fills Luann in on her terse exchange with Bethenny over Skinnygirl vs. Tipsy Girl. The Countess claims she can't believe Bethenny would be so aggressive, but earlier in the episode she specifically commented on how nonchalant Sonja was being over the similarities between the two brands.

Leaving Sushi Roxx, the three 'Wives head to Madame Paulette's, where Dorinda and John are throwing a party to showcase the designs of fashion designer Malan Breton. Dorinda is shocked to see Ramona show up - considering the event is at John's place of business, Dorinda specifically chose not to send the OG an invite to the party. However, Luann is even more stunned to see someone else at the party: some creepy guy named Rey whom she had a summer fling with in Ibiza. After a tense exchange where Luann questions whether her ex is sober and an obviously inebriated Rey claims he's having a mental breakdown upon seeing her at the party, Luann hightails it out of the event and hails a cab back to Sonja's. Seeing the Countess in such obvious distress, Ramona naturally invites Rey over to see if he has any dirt. He's very drunk and very obnoxious, as he drunkenly gets in Sonja's face, calls her a bitch and begs the pair of 'Wives not to tell Luann about his "super-hot" girlfriend. How exactly did this guy get into the party? Seeing Rey starting to cause a scene, John walks over with Dorinda to ask him to leave, and this is where things take a disturbing, chaotic turn. For some reason, Ramona decides that now is the appropriate time to insert herself into the confrontation by sticking up for Rey. The argument quickly escalates as Ramona takes a stand against Dorinda's boyfriend, and John decides to kick Ramona out of the party along with the creepy ex-boyfriend and puts his hand in her face to make his point.

This sends Ramona into a rage as she screams at both Dorinda and John that she never wants to be in the presence of the mafioso dry cleaner ever again. However, even as Ramona storms out of the party with Rey on her heels, the fight isn't over. Continuing the screaming match out on Second Avenue, Dorinda can't believe Ramona had the audacity to ruin yet another of her parties, especially after she promised to be kinder to John just the day before. Ramona shrieks that she doesn't even know how the altercation happened and it's not her fault, at which point Dorinda redirects her rage towards a sloppy Rey. The entire situation devolves into chaos as Dorinda threatens to call the cops on Luann's creepy ex if he doesn't walk away, all while Ramona's still screaming about how everything was John's fault. Once she angrily forces Ramona to leave the event, Dorinda decides she's done too and hails a cab. As John begs her to stay (while at the same time calling Ramona "not even a woman"), Dorinda lashes out at him as well, slurring that he should know better than to put his hand in a woman's face. The episode ends with emotions all around at an all-time high and viewers left wondering what exactly what kind of brawl they just witnessed on the sidewalks of Midtown...

What did you think of this week's episode of RHONY? Are you Team Skinnygirl or Team Tipsy Girl? Who's to blame for the blow-up at Madame Paulette's: Ramona, John, Dorinda, Rey or all of them put together? Leave your thoughts and opinions in the comments section below!