I think for me, because of the really messed up things that happened to me, I have chosen to look at it from the standpoint of "What is good for my marriage?" If any sexual activity interferer's with or is destructive to that, then I draw the line. The way I figure it, I've got a great lady, something which I never ever figured I'd be able to have, and if I choose to deliberately to something sexual that endangers that, then I've done something really stupid!

Perhaps if I'd not been abused it would be easier to ask the question as "What is good for me and what isn't?" but at this point in my life the other is simpler for my pea brain to figure out

I guess that's another way of saying I know which side my bread is buttered on, eh?

Lots of love,

John

_________________________“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

i dont think there is a universal answer. i think so much depends on the person and his feelings. if we all listed out our sexual habbits you would probably get a great range. some have a lot of sex. some only have sex when in relationships. some dont have sex at all. so if you ask someone who doesn't have sex, "am i acting out if i have sex once a week?" then to that person, that might seem extreme. but if you ask someone who has sex every day, then the answer would be "probably not." im not saying that it is all based on the amount of sex a person has, but more that people are all coming from different persepctives. at the end of the day, it comes down to you, and how you feel. if you have sex 4892 times a day and are okay with it, then more power to you.

I am confused about what acting out is for me. It's not particularly doing something I shouldn't, or that harms me or others. I'm rather controlled in my behavior. More like, knowing how I feel, knowing my motives, being able to make choices from a full range of options.

Originally Posted By: dancr6

I remember meeting a man that I admired. I was sure that he would never like someone like me so my thoughts went to seducing him,gratefully I caught hold of myself before I acted out and soon after was able to accurately see what was going on in my head.

So, what was going on in your head?

So, it's like, attention, approval got confused with sexual expression unconsciously. I got that. So how do you, did you, untangle these things? It's like, I don't know I have the choice to be close, even physically close, or touch but not sexually, without it being the sexual sedution and sex>

is it acting out to have a wife and family a totaly straight lifestyle ,but to not be able to control an urge to have sex with a man? to feel it build inside untill i have to do something ? risking everything and feeling like a piece of shit after?

I guess I don't really know, but I wonder... Do you know what's really going on with you, what you feel and want and get out of this sex with a man stuff? Cause the feeling like shit after sounds rough. What's going on there?

I doubt I can add anything beyond what others have said, but I do want to thank you for the topic. With me, sometimes I feel bad afterwards, sometimes I don't - under similar conditions - so I can't go strictly by how I feel.

This topic sure is on my mind alot lately. I have not acted out for now almost 6 months.

But the thoughts are always there.

For me it is the control issue that I have to always remember. I can control what I do, act out, etc. I know what I did when I acted out was wrong. And I felt like shit when all was said and done too. But then, why or why do the feelings, emotions I have at times want to "act out" again?

I know it has to do with my CSA. I just have to continue to find coping skills to get over those feelings of excitement when I think of doing something that would wrect all that I have been doing to get better.

My 2 cents says that acting out is wrong, especially the acting out that I did was wrong. Guess I can't say all acting out is bad.

responding to landofshadow mostly; what was in my head was the knowledge (from experience) that I had a tendency to sexualize any attraction. when I was younger I didn't know about such things and the couple of times I gave into the confused thinking, I realized that what I thought was a sexual desire wasn't followed up with the pleasure I expected, instead I had to say "I'm sorry I'm really not into this" after a couple of times of this I read about the phenomenon of sexualizing attractions and started catching hold sooner and waiting for the realization of the qualities in the person that I was attracted to but interperating as sexual. After that it was like quitting smoking, I knew that the urge would pass and I just had to wait it out.

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