The MTV Movie Awards that nobody watched had a “tense” moment when Parks And Recreation Star Aubrey Plaza tried to take an award from Will Ferrell. She had the name of her latest movie, The To Do List, written on her chest in what can only be described as a huge coincidence. She rushed the stage and had a brief awkward tug-of-war with Ferrell and his award before sitting back down. MTV claimed they were shocked by it all, blah, blah. It’s so cleeeeeaarrrllllyyy a lamely scripted publicity stunt. Just like Kanye West and Taylor Swift a few years ago. Still, the young’ins took to the Twitterverse or whatever to blast Plaza for her actions. Nobody has ever failed in business by presuming young teens to be morons. It’s probably in the MTV mission statement.

Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig were horsing around last night at the Golden Globes while on stage to present the award for Best Girl Actor (video here), but Tommy Lee Jones doesn’t have time for their nonsense. If you say you’re gonna watch a movie, you better watch that fucking movie, or Tommy Lee Jones will beat your ass.

NBC will probably have this video taken down because it’s about the Olympics, highlights the female gymnasts who cry, and says every other country sucks. It’s practically copyright infringement. The only difference is NBC would include:

- An introduction with the finest montages and clip art.
- Bob Costas saying tonight we’ll see swimming and the women’s gymnastics all around finals.
- Promo for an NBC show that looks like fucking awful.
- Commercial.
- Commercial.
- Commercial.
- Promo for an NBC show that looks like fucking awful.
- Bob Costas saying the same thing he just said.
- Glossy production piece about the women’s all around finals.
- Announcers talking about the 4 of the 24 gymnasts.
- Announcers talking about Justin Bieber and other famous people.
- “Over there in the stands is Jordan Wieber, that girl who failed. I don’t know why she’s smiling she should kill herself.”
- Promo for an NBC show that looks like fucking awful.
- Commercial.
- Commercial.
- Commercial.
- Promo for an NBC show that looks like fucking awful.
- Different glossy production piece about the all around finals.
- Footage of two of the gymnasts warming up.
- Swimming.
- Glossy production piece about the swimmer.
- Promo for an NBC show that looks like fucking awful.
- Commercial.
- Commercial.
- Commercial.
- Promo for an NBC show that looks like fucking awful.

At this point they could air the video of Ferrell and it would be just like NBCs actual coverage of the all around, assuming it was followed by a Michael Phelps interview.

Will Ferrell interrupted Conan O’Brien last night to sooth the crowd with a little jazz flute, give him some much needed advice, and then to announce that Paramount has finally gotten their head out of their ass and agreed to let him do a sequel to ‘Anchorman’.

Adam McKay will direct again, Judd Apatow will produce again, and Paul Rudd, Steve Carell and David Koechner are all expected back. Christina Applegate may not return however, but not because she’s on Whore Island. Apparently that’s not a real place, unless you count Australia.

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES – had it’s first day of filming today in India, and already there are mysterious pictures from the set showing a green ooze. And the internet is all, “Is that the Lazarus Pit? Is Ra’s al Ghul in this? That’s so stupid, that doesn’t fit the canon, this is Batman in real life! This movie sucks, I hate it!” (latino review)

WHITNEY HOUSTONS DAUGHTER – was arrested for possession of alcohol (she’s 18) after some kind of gun fight between her friends and her ex boyfriend. A shocked and frightened Whitney has heard to ask, “Does anyone know what happened to the alcohol, where is it now?” (the enquirer)

THE OFFICE – had it’s first episode with Will Ferrell replacing Steve Carell last night, and the ratings were down 17 percent. If I were them I’d just keep saying Carell is on it and see how long before people figure it out. (thr)

THOR – has 175 reviews so far, and an impressive 80 percent of them are positive. Although a lot of them sound like Hollywood has lowered our summer expectations to a degree where all you have to do to get a good review is not completely fuck everything up. (rotten tomatoes)

X MEN FIRST CLASS – has a new character trailer, this time for Mystique, who is played by Oscar nominee Jennifer Lawrence. Of course if she was any good she would have won. If Julia Roberts has one, how hard could it really be. (youtube)

LINDSAY LOHAN – began her community service today at a women’s shelter in Los Angeles, although you’re forgiven if you assumed the green ooze in the headline was going to have something to do with her vagina. In your defense we’re still not sure it doesn’t. (inf)

TWO GIRLS WHO READ TYLER – need votes for their doc about military families as part of the Pepsi Refresh Everything campaign. And so they made this video and wrote on a girl with huge breasts. I found it very moving, and now I love military families! Unless the girl with the huge breasts doesn’t. In which case I hate them too. Booo! You Suck! (go vote)

WILL FERRELL - might be the one writing this fake twitter page for “Paramount Films”. He’s a main suspect because so many of the tweets are about the demise of ‘Anchorman 2′. But will there be a oh so timely George Bush impression? Hold on to your funny bones! (pop eater)

JONATHAN RHYS MEYERS - started shouting “nigger” after getting so drunk United wouldn’t allow him to board a flight from NY to LA, although it’s not clear if he was directing it at anyone in particular, and so he’s not really in any trouble. That’s why I call Mexicans “kikes” and black people “dagos”. It’s still incredibly racist, but so confusing that people don’t get upset. (radar)

CHRIS KLEIN - was clearly coked out of his mind during his audition for Mama Mia, though some say its fake. Those people never saw ‘Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li’. If Klein were acting, he’d mumble incoherently then walk into a bunch of shit because he thinks squinting = badass. (youtube)