Peter Costa: April is cruelest month for college admissions

Monday

Mar 30, 2009 at 12:01 AMMar 30, 2009 at 10:30 AM

This is the week when most colleges send out their acceptance letters and applicants’ hearts either sink or soar. This is a time when you really can be too rich or too thin. Thick you win is the mantra because the thick envelopes contain financial information and other critical documents for the accepted applicant.

Peter Costa

This is the week when most colleges send out their acceptance letters and applicants’ hearts either sink or soar. This is a time when you really can be too rich or too thin. "Thick you win" is the mantra because the thick envelopes contain financial information and other critical documents for the accepted applicant.

Those of us who were crest-fallen after being rejected realize that there is a weird randomness to being accepted by prestige schools. I like to imagine the following acceptance and rejection letters.

Dear Applicant Johnny Jones:

We are happy to inform you of your acceptance to Prestige College. Your academic standing as class valedictorian, your internship as an astronaut aboard the Space Shuttle Discovery and your debut at Carnegie Hall as a composer and pianist were key factors in your admission. We hope you will reject the draft offer from the Boston Red Sox and enroll in our own excellent baseball program.

Enclosed is information about being selected a Presidential Scholar and the terms of your four-year scholarship.

Congratulations and welcome to the Class of 2013.
Dean Malcolm Holmes
Dean of Admissions
Prestige College
Dear Applicant Johnny Jones:
We regret to inform you that we are not able to offer you admission to Another Prestige College. We have had exceptional applicants this year. More than 97 percent of our applicants were valedictorians, 54 percent were recording artists, 18 percent achieved perfect SAT scores (although we really don’t look at these scores very closely) and 9 percent were offered spots on Major League Baseball teams.

It was a difficult decision for our admission committee to make but maintaining class size necessitates our being extremely selective. We would, however, like to offer you a position on our wait list so when you finish your term as Congressman, a spot here at Another Prestige University may open up for you.

Thank you and best of luck in your academic career.
Dean Jeremy Goodheart
Dean of Admissions
Another Prestige College

Take a breath, relax and be philosophical when you open your mailbox this week. You’ll get in somewhere and still be able to hold your head high.

Peter Costa is a senior editor with GateHouse Media New England. His book, “CostaLiving: Laughing through Life,” a collection of his humor columns, is available at amazon.com and at Barnes & Noble bookstores.