I feel it's only fair to warn you, at some point or other on this blog, I'm probably going to offend about 95% of the world's population. So if you don't have a sense of humor... you should probably just find another blog.

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Saturday, May 15, 2010

A Little More About Canada...

Okay, I have to admit I've been reluctant to post anything new because everyone seems to like Effed Up Google Searches, and it seems to have gained me a few readers (thanks in large part to Chicken, who has many followers and gave me some free advertising). Also, I'm now not sure I can top this. Since my only options are ending the blog now, or to continue on, I've decided to continue on.

So I've mentioned a few times that I work for a Big Nameless Retail Store (BNRS). I encounter a lot of stupid people working here. It slowly chips away at my faith in humanity day by day. Most often the stupid people are the people that shop there. For example, a typical dialogue at the BNRS might go a little something like this:

Guest: "Maybe you can help me, I'm looking for this thing."

Me: (*inwardly rolling eyes and sighing*) "What kind of thing would that be?"

Guest: "Well... I saw it on TV the other day."

Me: (*mentally banging head against wall*) "There are lots of things advertised on TV, can you be a little more specific?"

Guest: (*Clearly thinking very hard*) "Well... It does that thing, and it has a little stick attached to it, and you can change the thing, and it might have been green."

Me: (*Mentally gouging my own eyes out with a fork*) "Ook-"

Guest: "Or Pink. Actually it comes in a few different colors."

Me: (*Now outwardly sighing, and biting my lip to keep from screaming*) "Is this a thing you saw on a TV commercial? Or was it an infomercial advertised by Billy Mayes?"

MB says this happened in all seriousness. Can someone please explain to me what the fuck a jagaloon is?

Sometimes I wonder how people even manage to get themselves dressed in the morning. Honestly. Recently though, guests haven't been the only stupid thing stalking me at BNRS. I also work with a couple people who clearly "don't know their ass from last Tuesday" (Billy Bob - Bad Santa). We at BNRS in Warwick, work with someone very special. Let's call her CW.

CW: "No, no. And you know what else? Canada is part of North America too!"

Me: (*Slapping forehead*) "CW. People generally learn these things in the 2nd grade. You are 21 years old. Where the hell have you been?"

CW: "Can you believe that? I'm so mad. Americans are the only ones who are supposed to be Americans."

Me: (*Mouth hanging wide open, possibly going into shock*)

CW: "I mean who do they think they are? Canadians can't be Americans too."

Me: "CW, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I suppose then, you're not aware that there is a South America and a Central America as well?"

CW: "Of course I knew that. I'm not stupid."

Umm. YEAH. That's debatable.

In case you were wondering, CW went on to tell me that she's very smart, with an above average IQ. I went on to tell her that generally people with above average IQs don't have problems identifying continents. Her reply was that she was book smart, not common sense smart. (*Again, more head banging*) I also gave her a geography lesson and explained the difference between a country and a continent.

At the risk of putting off a few readers with another ridiculous movie quote, I'd like to end this with:

"I FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS!!!"

P.S. I finished exams this week and classes are all done for the semester. For those of you who care, my grades have been posted for Western History and Quantitative Business Analysis (a fancy term for Algebra III?). They are both A's. I also pretty much have a guaranteed A in Accounting. So keep your fingers crossed for me, because I'm a little unsure about Microeconomics!

wait a sec... is that girl really from america? coz I myself know that mexico and canada are part of N.America the moment the word "continent" was introduced to me and I'm not even from America. god bless that Girl!

janjan - lol! Sadly yes. I'm ashamed to say she really was born and raised in America. Both the continent and the country. The sadder part is this is only one of her ridiculous stories. I'm sure CW will make another appearance on the blog at some point.

Hey S. You should check out Miss Morgan's blog. She has a fool proof plan to get rid of stupid people everywhere, not just North America. Actually, it wasn't quite foolproof. I had to help her out a bit with that part. That's what Chickens are for, though. Here's the link. This should cut down on the number of encounters you suffer through at BNRS:http://comedyortragedyblog.blogspot.com/2010/05/anyone-know-where-i-could-buy-andor.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+ComedyOrTragedy+%28Comedy+or+Tragedy%3F%29

S. Hey S. It's me, Chicken. I googled Jagaloon. I'm surprised you did not think of it. Your friend in Electronics was well and truly dissed and must not have given very good directions. "A jagaloon is slang for an idiot, a loser, someone who does something stupid all the time". Wikipedia says it is so.

Chicken! Hey Chicken! I considered googling jagaloon but to be completely honest, I didn't think that it was a real word. In fact, I was so unsure that it was a real word, that even after you gave me the definition of jagaloon I googled it myself just to make sure you weren't pulling my leg. I came up with this:

The guy in a bar who wears a (pink) polo shirt, two sizes too small, with a popped collar; and probably drove there in a Honda Civic.

Example:Bra 1: I Just ordered that Jagaloon an appletini.

Bra 2: Good, that will go nicely with the bag of dicks he’s about to eat.

Actually there are about 8 definitions for this word. But this one was my favorite.

Becky - It isn't so much saying the word "thingy." It's using the word "thingy" to describe an object you want to buy. BNRS sells lots of "thingies" and using only that word to describe what you want is never helpful. Somehow people expect me to know what "thingy" means and point them in the right direction.

that is fantastic, I get pillocks like that all the time, this was the most recent

her "where is you know the movie food?"me( cocks head to the side) "Like popcorn and candy?"her " yeah but real popcorn"me (thinking as compared to all the pretend popcorn we have on display) "umm isle 3"her "No, no that stuff, I want what you cook in the oven"me (thinking hmmm this is going wierd) 'isle 3?"her "SHOW ME!"me(turns around) "Isle 3, there is the popcorn" (Im pointing about two feet away)her "I told you the real popcorn damn it"me "You want corn as in corn on the cob dont you?"her "well nah, real popcorn"me (sighing in head thinking its called corn bitch its called corn) "Follow me"

That is epic! I used to work at Walmart, and the stupidity of some people just drove me bonkers! At least I worked in clothing, and the worst thing I usually encountered was people wanting to try on underwear in the fitting rooms.

I won't even begin to go into the story of a woman who wanted me to help her pick out a thong. She was in her 60s. *shudder*

Fin - I know what you mean!! I once had a woman in her 50's and her mother trying to try on clothes in the middle of the women's department. When we threw them out of the store they said they were going to call the police for discrimination against women. Never mind the fact that the people that threw them out were all women.

Chicken - I know I'm sorry I didn't tell you in person. Seems I always miss you when I'm at the house.