Bangalore Royally Challenged

Welcome to India’s latest reality show—-“Will You Go Tomorrow, Tick Tick Tick Tick” (inspired by the iconic “If you come tomorrow”) presented by the same guys who brought you “Kamzor Kuri Kaun”, “Kaun Banega Laxmipati” and “Jeeto Thappad Marke”. For those of you who haven’t tuned in before, in every show, we kick out, based on popular opinion, one member of the Bangalore Royal Challengers team.

A quick recap. Yesterday the team member who lost his job was Charu Sharma, the CEO of the franchise. Yes the same Charu Sharma who sat to the left of Mandira Bedi in Extraa Innings, the host with a penchant for talking a lot about “nothing at all”, a man whose bald pate sometimes out-glistened in its smoothy roundness the things that Mandira Bedi brought to the table.

Well to be exact Charu Sharma was not really “fired”. According to the official version, Charu Sharma left for personal reasons—-reasons that were so personal even the person himself didn’t know what they were.

And today with yet another embarassing loss to a team also scraping the bottom of the IPL barrel, it is time for the Bengaluru Boys to lose one more item of clothing.

So which one will it be?

Candidate Number 1: Venkatesh Prasad. The former Indian slow leg-cutter and current coach of the Royally Challenged has already been on the chopping block and narrowly missed elimination last time. And if we are to believe Jang, the great Pakistani news outlet, the way Prasad escaped elimination was by saying “sorry” to franchise-owner Vijay Mallya. [Picture to left taken may have been taken while apologizing to Mallya]

Bangalore Royal Challengers sacked its CEO Charu Sharma for benching Misbah-ul-Haq while coach Venkatesh Prasad saved his job by apologizing for ignoring the Pakistani player, according to media reports in Karachi.

The Jang claimed the decision to keep Misbah on the bench in some of the IPL matches led to Sharma’s ouster and according to the report, Prasad too was on his way out before he tendered an apology and escaped a similar treatment.

According to the daily, Prasad was sacked by the owner of the Bangalore team, Vijay Mallya, but the coach later apologised and agreed to set things right due to which his termination orders were taken back

We now know that Prasad never even meant his apology. If he did, how can you explain that in the next match against Kolkata, Misbah-ul-Haq was again benched in favor of the sedentary Chandrapaul ?

Candidate Number 2: Martin Crowe. [Pictured here, pre-hair transplant, when he used to look like Charu Sharma’s long-lost angsty twin] The former New Zealand captain and mega-brain was brought in to “be a backroom player for Bangalore, handling key responsibilities in cricket and marketing”. That the Bengalurus have been behind the eight ball throughout the tournament, consistently exhibiting the worst strategies of all the teams (including the Knight Riders) points to the fact that Mr. Crowe’s strategic acumen has also withered away at the follicles.

Is it time to shear Mr. Crowe off? If Charu Sharma’s dismissal was, to translate a medievally sexist Bengali proverb a means to “send a message to the wife by beating the maid” the question remains as to what is it that prevents Martin Crowe from also being given a bottle of Kingfisher and a “Best of luck for the future” message?

Of course we know that firing him won’t solve Bangalore’s problems. Just like Charu Sharma’s pink slip did not. But then that’s not really the point of the game.

Candidate Number 3: Rahul Dravid A captain is as good as his team. True. But what if the team was handpicked by the captain based on the principle that good Test batsmen are good Twenty20 bashers too ? Rahul Dravid’s team of plodders have become the laughing stock of the franchise. It’s not that God has been totally unkind: Wasim Jaffer got injured and could make a face-saving exit from the roster. But then, in a macabre display of”sticking to one’s guns” Dravid has persisted with his chosen ones—-giving chances to the Chandrapauls and the Kalli-es while keeping the Whites and the Misbahs on the bench.

And the less said about his own adjusting to the game, the better. In the March 8th match against Kolkata Knightriders, at a time when Ganguly was bowling, Dravid allowed the struggling (and boy are they still struggling) Knight Riders to get a stranglehold of the game with a most insipid 5 runs off 11 balls in a 16 over game. And this was when only two wickets had been lost, as he kept on wasting deliveries while White and Kohli rested their heels in the pavilion, still to bat.

So does the captain sink with the ship?

Is it time to send this icon to the Recycle Bin of Twenty20?

Candidate Number 4: Vijay Mallya: India’s Donald Trump. The owner of the franchise. While bringing Washington Redskin cheerleaders may or may not have been a masterstroke, Mr. Mallya has surely been bested by the other celebrity team owner, Shahrukh Khan. Both of them have the weakest/most overpriced teams in the tournament and yet while Shahrukh has been supportive in the true sense of the term of his under performing players, sending consolatory SMS-es and reportedly teaching them dance steps even when chips are down, Mallya has not been perceived to be as gentle, at least publicly. And if he thought that firing Charu Sharma and sending a message was going to scare his players into performing, well then this undoubtedly successful businessman seems to believe in treating champion players and management trainees all the same. Which on current evidence does not seem to be working.

Chandrapaul, Kallis and their ilk are all great cricketers and it is not their fault that Twenty20 is not their game. If there is anyone at fault, it’s the people who chose them in the first place and put them in the wrong combinations. And Dr. Mallya, being one of the people in the initial selection team, should concentrate his ire, justified as it is, on these people—even if it includes himself.

Candidate Number 5: Katrina Kaif. Brand ambassador.

When your brand ambassador is seen to be canoodling with the brand ambassador of the Delhi Daredevils (look at the guy to the right of the picture and his stunned expression), then I think a line has been crossed.

While we may forgive bald smooth-talkers without an iota of cricket knowledge, a hair-transplanted strategic genius who has lost his way, an Indian cricketing great all at sea in a format that disturbs him greatly and a franchise owner who has paid millions for a snake-oil team, there is absolutely no redemption for a comely brand ambassador who is publicly seen sharing such close physical space with a competing franchise personality.

I saw two of Charu’s interviews. I would actually say that he acquitted himself rather well

1. In interview 1 he said that he has indeed been fired and that it was within the employer’s rights to fire and that’s that.

2. In interview 2, he said that the Chief Cricket Officer (Crowe) and the team managment (read Prasad & Dravid)were responsible for selection and hence the Misbah angle (Jung) is a bit fantastic. I would buy that.

That said, what then was Charu’s role?????? The marketing plans, budgets et al have surely not been left to his discretion….I hope and pray.

Did he forget to grovel before Mallya…unlikely….he is not exactly a picture of upright fortitude.

My theory is – he was hired as a cheerleader and fired on fitness grounds!

Once again, outstanding job of weaving together words and images. Amazing.

As for Bangalore team, I don’t know what they were thinking benching the likes of White and Misbah in a team desperately in need of big hitters. But as you said, yesterday’s innings by Dravid shows the kind of muddle-headed thinking that is going on. In a 16 over game, scoring 20 runs in 5 overs (6-10) and letting Ganguly get away with 7 off 3 overs while the asking rate climbed to 13? What was he thinking? If he can’t score runs, can’t he even get out?

In the March 8th match against Kolkata Knightriders, at a time when Ganguly was bowling, Dravid allowed the struggling (and boy are they still struggling) Knight Riders to get a stranglehold of the game with a most insipid 5 runs off 11 balls in a 16 over game.

I think it was May 😉

Don’t blame me. Its the kind of job I am in. have developed a eye for it now 😀

They should probably let Katrina lead. The opponents will then be bamboozled by Katrina’a brilliant brilliance (or lack thereof).

The RCs are in need of oxygen right now. Even here, Katrina comes to the rescue. Stick a straw into the region where other people have brains and you get five hours worth of oxygen free!

I was shocked when I saw KKR win yesterday. Then I looked to see who the opponents were. The veil lifted. Something like Bangladesh defeating Zimbabwe (current team). I felt better. Then I saw Dada’s figures (bowling). I started feeling queasy. Then I saw who had faced him. I again felt better.

While its true that Misbah has been unfortunate enough to be on the benches mostly, has he really done anything in his couple of (or 3) outings? Not much perhaps. But not playing White was criminal. They seemed to have rectified that yesterday, and it seems if he were at the crease RC could have won.

Dravid is a great player and the RC team has a great line up. I think it is probably too good. Like asking a couple of PhD guys to teach the sixth graders. Theoritically they should be able to do it, but cant.

The Old-Age home has come of age… Dravid, Kumble, Kallis, Boucher, the list goes on… Incidentally, to fire an ‘Icon’ player, you need to give him 3 year’s compensation! And in true CITU style, the icons have struck work… Other than Sehwag, the performance of the other 4 ‘icons’ – Dravid, Ganguly, Yuvraj, and Sachin have been pedestrain to put it mildly. Thankfully that should not be a problem for the Chargers since VVS opted out of being an Icon.

If you want to fire, fire the idiot who selected such outstanding athletes like Sunil Joshi, Akhil and Jaffer. Th other teams have done really well because the young Indian players in it have done really well and actually learnt from their illustrious team mates. There is no standout young Indian player in the Bangalore team and that is where they have flopped. How will there be if you pick 30 something have beens and cumbersome Test players whose idea of fast scoring is 4 runs per over.

BTW I waited till 9:30 or so and then went to bed. I was under impression taht match has been canceled as Mr. Sandeep Patil on Star News was describing that both team players must be praying that let the match get canceled and both teams would get points. It was such lousy statement that spoilt my interest and I was 100% sure that Almighty will of course listen to these 22 becharaas.

However hands down for Katrina pics. I hope that Mr. Mallya isn’t reading this post.

1. There was an article in the Deccan/TOI in which Vijay Mallya was asked why he had chosen the best test players for a format of cricket that most unsuited them . And he shot back saying , he put forward this point to the captain Dravid who “laughed it off” and said that Test Match is the “real Thing” and good test players are good at any other format .

Well , guess who is laughing now ?

2. I can’t believe that Mallya can still be so naive even after such a public humiliation . If he still thinks that Dravid can lead this team to glory … maybe he hit a bottle one too many ?

Who do you sack ? I dont think there will be anymore sackings . Instead , I think Dravid should drop himself along with Jaffer , Kallis and Chanderpaul and let somebody else like White take charge up front at the beginning of the game.

The only eason KKR won was because Greg Chappal wasen’t MC-ing the toss [like he had done in the last 2 KKR matches]. 😀

@Thallasa:
Quoting from wikipedia :

Mallya originally hails from Bantwal town in Karnataka. He was educated at La Martiniere Boys’ College, Calcutta in Kolkata and completed his degree from St. Xaviers College, Calcutta under Calcutta University.

The problem is Bangalore is that their local recruits aren’t performing. So they do not have much flexibility in picking the team. I tried my best to drop Dravid, but in doing so I would either go over the 4-player foreigner limit or would end up compromising on the quality of the bowling attack. I personally believe either Bracken or Steyn HAS to play

Rahul Dravid’s “Good Test Players can succeed in any format of the game” theory actually sucks big time. May be through his Manjarekar-ish (the great Sanjay Manjarekar had once commented that if he were a captain and were to choose between an attacking player who always lives on the edge and a technically sound player who hardly takes any chances, he would go for the latter in any format of the game.) viewpoint RD wanted to prove a point. But alas! He failed miserably. There are numernous examples that excellent test players may not necessarily turn out to be good limited overs players (eg. Justin Langer, Michael Vaughan etc) and vice versa (eg. Michael Bevan, Yuvraj Singh etc). What is beyond me though, is, how come a shrewd businessman like Dr. Mallya accepted this flawed theory.
Problem with the Royal Challengers is that they don’t have quality batters suited for T20. They have a formidable bowling attack with Steyn, Zaheer, Praveen and Bracken but apart from the occasional flashes from Boucher, thir batting line-up simply sucks. Young Virat Kohli could have been useful but there is no one in the team to give him proper guidance to succeed in this format of the game. Even with these serious shortcomings RD risks keeping Misbah and Bracken out of the playing XI. Inexplicable!
On the other hand, Knight Riders should consider themselves really lucky to have marginally won the last match. Their fielding which so far had been pathetic in the earlier matches, was good this time and that made the difference. Their bowling attack is quite decent. In fact they are actually overburdened with good bowlers – Gul, Akhtar, Dinda, Ishant – all of them. But, they have no quality batter to speak of in T20 except David Hussey. Young guns like Laxmi Ratan Shukla and Wriddhiman Saha are good prospects in the lower middle order but can’t be counted upon on a regular basis. Even Brad Hodge is out now and his probable replacement Salman Butt is in terrible form. I would rather see SRK himself padded up to face the McGraths and Lees than Akash Chopra batting in a T20 game. Ganguly’s outings so far (apart from that tentative 50-odd in a losing cause against the Rajasthan Royals) have been , well, quite ordinary.
There is one more thing I am wondering about. I wonder whether it has occurred to others also or is it just me who is being too curious. Why are almost all foreign recruits in KKR Pakistanis? This is probably the only team having so many overseas players from a single country. And frankly speaking, most of them don’t have any T20 credentials to speak of. has it something to do with the owner and his Pakistani connections?
Now, Please don’t call me names or say I’m bringing religion/nationality into sports and all that. I’m just curious.

Way back in the mid-90’s there was this guy called Powell who could give the ball a real wallop… That guy would ve been more effective in twenty20 than chaderpaul.. I am not even sure if he is active now

As a matter of fact, after KKR scored 120 odd, I knew that Bangalore’s Charge to victory would depend on White and on how late Boucher came to bat. Dravid may not have timed the ball too well that night, but had an amazing sense of timing to get out, ensuring that Boucher’s efforts would fall short- just short, thereby ensuring a cracking finish. It was really a battle of the minnows. But there was more than cricket. I read that there were scenes which were quite unbelievable. Rabindranth Tagore being felicitated by SRK who called him “Thakur saab”, the national anthem being sung by the crowd before the rain came down, SRK jumping on his chair after the 14th over, SRK being stranded en route to Eden by a Mamata Banerjee demonstration protesting Nandigram (amazing stunt) and of course, that ball- the one that one Lords ’96 debutant bowled to another. Must have been a hell of time- both inside and outside. Shit, I miss being in Eden.

But people who would have watched matches in Eden over the years would know that its not easy to crack 200 on this ground. And new ball bowlers always get just a little bit of swing and cut. During the recent test series down under, when Ganguly once came on to bowl, Nicholas and Lawry were laughing. But Mark Taylor solemnly remarked, “I have great respect for his bowling.” I thought…WTF..and then I remembered the 98 Eden Test. Indian gambled with Ganguly as the Test match new ball bowler to partner Srinath, in order to accommodate 3 spinners and he responded magnificently by picking up 3 wickets using the help afforded by the Eden wicket and conditions. Australia were shot out for about 200 (SRW 80) and then India responded with 600 (4 90s and an Azhar 163). They went on to win by an innings. I still remember the headlines of the 3 great Roebuck articles in The Statesman- “A battle between 2 warriors”, “Australians looked like cooked chickens” and “Battle for victory and peace”.

talking of Charu Sharma, I actually feel sorry for him as he suffered the bereavement of his father. His position though was largely ceremonial. In this IPL market, many people are just getting easy cash. And thats from all over the world- forgotten people from Oz, Kiwiland, Cheerleaders from DC- just amazing! So now we had a CEO for a cricket team. And what was he supposed to do? I guess he had no idea about that. Maybe to create a sex queue for Vijay Mallya comprising of cheerleaders with Katrina stuffed somewhere in between. This could also be a shrewd move from Mallya. He is not a “King Fisher” for nothing who knows that hot chicks are generally suckers for money, power and fame. He has the first and last in abundance. This act was a reminder of the second attribute. Katrina probably looked down at the ground, in mild trepidation but tingling excitement while he unbuttoned her shirt, on the night that Charu got fired. She is seen seeking romance from Akshay in that picture- romantic cuddles and not dispassionate sex while rolling inside a dark liquor barrel. Akshay, being a bad boy himself, assuaged her discomfort by that classic double entendre – “We shall meet at a place where there is no darkness.”

I think Martin Crowe probably was out of touch with cricket after 92. He probably just reiterated the strategy that he pioneered then- make one opener go bezerk, score at 6 per over and bowl spinners early on. But to his horror he found out that those benchmarks were bettered by leaps years ago. I dont blame Mallya. His icon player has failed him through flawed selection. He should have hired Mandira Bedi as CEO in the first place.

@Nikhil- Just say that you missed the adjective keen between a and eye.

So Great Bong is on a firing spree?! great post and great selection of candidates along with a rather amusing enumeration of reasons of the candidature!

my personal favourite’s gotto be Vijay Mallya himself – the man doesn’t have much taste – he is too extravagant and glitzy for his own good – and when things don’t work, he is too quick and impulsive to execute someone under the guillotine!

Mallya has gotto get a life! He has invested into a Sporting team and not a completely capitalistic venture – he is therefore incorrect to assume that he will get returns on his investment withing 3 or 4 matches!!

The least he can do is to handle the affairs of a losing team much more gracefully and subtly, without making it into a media circus like he has done. His actions have only underminded the credibility and dignity of his team and staff.

i vote dravid. his affinity for non-performers would be amusing only if he weren’t one himself. and woman that i am, i have to say that he isn’t even good eye-candy any more! but i will cheer every bullshit team this IPL…at least they give KKR hope.

Timeline:
Dada fails in first match – media and others go “old man,
bloody unfit, not good enough for 20-20”
Dada fails again – media and others go “old man, bloody unfit, not good enough for 20-20”
Dada makes a decent score – media and others go “thats not enough, old man, bloody unfit, not good enough for 20-20”
Dada makes 50 – media and others go “ok, not bad but still old man, bloody unfit, not good enough for 20-20”
Dada scores f**ing 90 at 150 strike rate – media and others go “Can he do it consistently? old man, bloody unfit, not good enough for 20-20”

Bloody changing the goal posts is what this is. Replace Dada by Laxman and it is still almost true though Dada with his bowling and captaincy has additional value. And Dravid is a bad captain yes but as a batsman, he is good enough and I dont know why this venomous hatred against men who have distnguished themselves for India and are among the best ever for India. I mean, you could put things politely but the way there is a witch hunt against them in the media is pathetci.

What has yuvraj done in IPL? Actually, what did he manage in the Aussie tour, including in 20-20’s and 50 overs? When the crunch time came in Finals, what was Yuvraj’s contribution? Isnt his fielding a shadow of what he was? Why is he considered better value than Dada?

The IPL/ICL is a masterstroke of detente by pure accident – never credit unto genius what is due to stupidity! Cricket fans across the Ravi are now all of a sudden morphing from No-India grumblers to pro-Chennai/Bangalore/Kolkata/Bombay/Punjab fans. So now we are seeing a direct Long Distance link between Sahiwal and Jaipur, Karachi and Chennai. The other day a couple of mates from Queensland in Sydney got roughed up by a bunch of Tasmanians vacationing there as they couldn’t tolerate Matty Hayden taking the mickey out of Ponting! Who ever thought things would come to this pass?

kangeya said “Chennai/Bangalore/Kolkata/Bombay/Punjab fans”
wow, bombay became mumbai in 95, madras became chennai in 97, calcutta became kolkata in 2006.
Using chennai and Kolkata and still bombay? This is the reason SS has to do things they do.

I don’t care even one hoot for the assorted riff-raff/rabble/punk/porukkis/taporis/mavaalis of the DMK/SS/CPI(M). As far as I am concerned it is and always be Madras, Bombay, and Calcutta. I have faced punks from all three parties on their own turf and bested them. Cowards everyone of them.

Excerpts from Vijay Mallya’s diary
(Somewhere in May 2008)
Another loss. Got piss drunk. Broke some bottles of competitors’ booze and had a few swigs of RC. Blanked out. I hate cheap whiskey.

Awoke to Rahul’s sms. Says he’s not going to play the game anymore. What a relief. Finally, I can replace that white elephant. Need to make travel plans to Goa to poach some Rajasthan Royal team members for next season on their Goa vacation.
Note to self: Check cockpit glass in the flight. Never know what happens.

Worried about Gian. Says he’s unhappy and not performing because he doesn’t have NFL cheerleaders rooting for him. I told him I pay him a bomb, and he can go get whoever he wants to cheer. He said not a good idea. Look what happened to Cristiano, he says. Am pissed again, need to speak to some presswallahs.

Broke some more competitor bottles and spoke to the press and took a dig at Aguri. Always helps. Pretended like I know a lot about F1. Am so smart, drives me crazy sometimes. Feeling a little better.

Another day, another disaster. Heard SAB Miller’s coming out with a brand to take KF head on. To think I named my team after one of their brands. Should have just called them Anitquity Blue Bangalore like I originally planned.

Was pissed again, so spoke to the press again. Feeling much better. Based on Rahul’s sms that he’s not going to play, said that Rahul and Charu didn’t listen to me. Also said that I wanted Misbah and some ‘others’ in the team. Hope it makes me look good. Love it when I talk like I know stuff.
Note to self: Support ladies sports more. Working with so many men is definitely not my thing.

More bad news, I looked at Rahul’s sms again. He said he’s not going to play the blame game anymore. I hate cheap whiskey.

Harsh! RC has not done well, so have not a few others. Its not only becoz of the selection but also becoz all of them have failed to perform collectively, everybody has been in a batting slump. Heres my analysis!

Camron White: White cant be called a bad selection, for he’s got a prolific 20-20 record including the highest score before Mccllum broke it.

Kallis: Is a great test player but he should have easily adapted to this version. For he started as the bandana ‘d dasher when he began his career, unlike Dravid. Only later did he become the the technician. But whenever he has ventured to hit the ball in the air either in ODI or tests, he has hit it as long and hard as anyone in the game. Being built like a ox perhaps helps. So it was more a mental thing for him. But hes failed.

Boucher: For all the runs he has scored IPL, he has been struggling to time it. For someone who’s always been SA’s go- to man in high chases, who’s hit the second fastest ODI hundreds in 44 balls and figures in the top five fastest 50s of all time – he’s been struggling to clear the fence.

Virat Kohli: Of the under 19’s, Dravid picked up the best in Virat Kohli, the captain and the highest scorer in the recent World cup and an attacking bat as well. But hes not delivered and been put behind by other under 19 team mates!

Chanderpaul: is known work in two gears, either first or over drive. Hes played some of the most stunning counter attacks the game has witnessed in recent games. That includes less than run-a -ball test centuries. Not to mention his recent form where he hit a six and a four of the last 2 balls to win a ODI for WI, just before he came in here.

Kumble: Every team has to have spinners and hes chose the best available in Kumble.

Jaffer and others: The bad choices were Jaffer and few local players. I wonder what Joshi was doing in the team. In his hey day he was known to be a big hitter but then hes well past his age. Dravid failed to see the mportance of fielding in this format as well. Jaffer surprisingly did reasonably well after failing initially.

Steyn: Well, the best bowler over the past year, Be it the pace or strike rate.

Bracken: One of most difficult bowlers to get away in any format, underrated.

Dravid: Figures in the top ten run getters in IPL already at a strike rate of 126. Strike rate better than GC Smith, Shikar Dhawan, David Hussey, Ganguly, Uthappa, Asnodkar to name a few. And note these guys are not out of form, all fo them have done well in IPL and the likes of Dhawan and Asnodkar are finds. Dhoni has cored 6 runs more and at a marginally better rate at 129! Dravid, for an anchor hes done really well, for his first 20-20 ever, hes done remarkably well. But sadly hes found no support at the other end, always has come in at 3-4 down with hardly anything on the board.

His captainship, less said the better, I have never been a fan anyways. Thats where he’s lost a lot as well and thats expected. Hes made bad choices, but then so have others. I wonder what Akash Copra id doing, same goes with Hafeez’s and Butts. The Patels etc. Ther are quite a few actually.

And to end on a cheeky note 🙂 How about a Kolkatta challenged as well after the recent fraces between the owner and the Captain. Thier performance has been below par as well whht with the lowest 20-20 score and stuff.