But why should women have all the fun? Men should be allowed to play all the fantasy football they want and have it explained to them in terms that only men understand. So in the spirit of equality, I give to you The KSK Fantasy Football Guide For Men: The Three Stooges Scale.

Using the following eight Three Stooges clips as guides — obviously there are eight categories and not six because everything a woman can do a man can do more of by making it more complicated — men will soon be able to figure out how to best rank players based on the emotions each fantasy player feels at the time of the draft.

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Happy Dance Three Stoogies

Do you have Peyton Manning, Jamaal Charles, Adrien Peterson, LeSean McCoy or Calvin Johnson on your fantasy team? Time to do a happy dance, not just because they’re awesome, but odds are you finished your fantasy draft days ago like the well-prepared man you are.

While taking Eric Decker may seem foolish to some, there is a good chance you’ll have some surprisingly positive results on your team.

All Stooges Slap

You’re thinking about starting Derek Carr. Don’t. No matter how poorly you have drafted, or if you are in a 28-team league, you have a better option than Derek Carr.

Moe Curly Eye Poke

It’s tempting to think you’re going to get many, many Gritcoins out of Danny Woodhead this season, but don’t be fooled. He still plays in San Diego and it’s not looking good for the Chargers this season.

Moe Hits Larry With A Pie

Randall Cobb could prove to be a delicious slice of apple pie with cheddar cheese melted on top (it’s a Wisconsin thing), but if you reach too early for him you’re going to be creamed.

Moe Slapping Larry

Penis. Penis junk sack stiffy Johnson rod salami cock dick. Balls.

Curly Slapping Himself

Jake Locker, Storm Johnson (because you like the name), Miles Austin, Garrett Graham; drafting any of these guys should come with slapping yourself.

Now you’re ready to play fantasy football like a man. A strong, intelligent man who swears he’s going to stop playing fantasy football season after season and yet has signed up for eight leagues this season.

Sometimes I’m tempted to make comments like “Is the football the thing like a pointy egg?” but I’m terrified that people won’t realize I’m trolling them and will actually start explaining things to me in a condescending voice.

Shouldn’t it be fantasy guide for no lifers who like to play pretend cause they are sad sacks of shit who live vicariously through blackletes? Hur, I’m heading to my war room. Hur, I’m that guy at the office that talks about how many points my D earned because I knew they would shut down the Browns. Hur, I ignore my family all day Sunday cause football is life. Hur I’m a twat and wear my game day jersey cause I’m on the team and see “we” “our” and “us”. Turds

Hur, I’m a douchebag that goes to a football-humor site to shit on people who like both football and humor because I lack both a sense of humor and LITERALLY ANYTHING BETTER TO DO WITH MY TIME. Fuck off, douchenozzle.