You have until October 31st to sign up at NASA's Send Your Name To Mars site and have your name included on the Orion test flight in December, as well as future missions beyond Earth's orbit, including at least one to Mars. Unfortunately, our names won't be spelled out in diamonds on a golden plaque like I was hoping. Instead, they'll be included on a dime-sized microchip. And before you ask, yes, I already included one with the name 'GW's 8=====D' because I'm a mature adult and my penis has always dreamed of shooting for the stars (but not Uranus, butts are gross). "Hey -- don't forget us." My balls, ladies and gentlemen! Did you two have something else you wanted to say about space? "Stop cutting us when you're shaving." Jesus, guys, it's not like I do it on purpose!
Thanks to BenK and Jennifer, who also included their pet's names because they refuse to go anywhere without them.

This is a video of the 3-D printed gun that Youtuber Paperfliegerei built that's capable of folding and shooting paper airplanes. It's powered by a cordless drill and can fold and shoot a paper airplane about every three seconds. For reference, that is entirely too slow to bring to a real gunfight, but perfect for a kid's birthday party. Learn a few magic tricks and how to twist balloon animals and you're the total package! Bring a bounce castle, cotton candy machine and a miniature pony and you're pretty much my dream birthday.
Keep going for a video of the gun in action.

Because this is the sexually deviant world we live in, here's the clean trailer for Wood Rocket's p0rn parody of Bob's Burgers (cleverly named Bob's Boners). I don't know about you, but I, for one, am not into this whole p0rn parody thing. Call me oldschool, but I believe if you can't pleasure yourself to the original material, that's your bad.
Keep going for the video.

This is the massive 5,700+ game video game and console collection being sold by eBayer reel.big.fish. It includes every retail Nintento, Super Nintendo, Game Boy, Game Boy Color, Virtual Boy, N64, Gamecube and Sega Master System game sold in North America, plus a ton of of Game Boy Advanced, Sega Genesis, Sega Game Gear, Atari 2600 and Turbografx-16. It includes almost every popular console and at least some games from the last 30 years. You can download a document of all the systems games included HERE or check out the auction page HERE. Some more details while I practice robbing banks in Grand Theft Auto V to afford the $164,000 pricetag.

5700+ games. Over 4000 from Nintendo. The majority from the golden age of gaming (1980's - 1990's) Multiple complete sets from Nintendo and Sega. Arguably every single retail (on store shelves) game released from Nintendo between 1985-2000 is represented here. That's just scratching the surface with many more from Sega, Atari, Playstation, Xbox and Turbografx. Including multiple systems (some modded), (every single N64 color variant) and custom hand built and painted shelves. Complete in Box Mario and Zelda sets.

There are a ton more pictures and a video of the collection after the jump, which I'm not ashamed to admit made me more than a little moist in the nether regions. That or I pissed myself. Either way, I need to remember to change my underwear and tape my penis to my leg before my dentist appointment at 11.
Keep going for my dreamworld.

This is a video of two guys pranking their friend into thinking he's being abducted by aliens in the middle of the night. His reaction is authentic. Like, he genuinely thinks there are aliens in his room to probe him and take him away. The whole thing brought me great joy. I only wish they'd turned turned the lights on after and captured the mess he made, which I know he did. Nobody squeals like that and doesn't shit their PJ's.
Keep going for the worthwhile video.

The themed stores will be around until November 4, when they'll turn back into regular o'le Mickey D's. That said, during this time, people ordering McDonald's delivery in China will receive a points card that can be used to redeem items within WoW. If you order enough McDonald's, you can get anything from in game potions to pets.

Man, how come all the foreign McDonald's stores get all the cool stuff? You know what we get at McDonald's here in the US? Fat. Plus the Monopoly game, and that shit's rigged. Honestly, I think I'm done with fast food. After today. Okay, after this week. Month? I'll start fresh in 2015. I will die with double cheeseburgers in both hands.
Keep going for a bunch more shots.

This is a fan made preview for a live action Adventure Time movie. They're not actually making the movie, just this preview. Is that what Jake would really look like in real life? Because that's not what I imagined. He looks more like a sloth. Besides that, the story seems pretty legit, if not a little non-canonical. If you could be any Adventure Time character, which one would you be? I'd be BMO or the little snail that appears in every episode. You'd be Lumpy Space Princess. Granted it might not be who you want to be, it's just who you are.
Keep going for the preview.

This is a video of Boo (solid name for a fainting goat) leaving his favorite gazebo in style (note: fainting goats don't actually faint, they're conscious the whole time, their bodies just lock up painlessly). Apparently Boo loves spending time in his gazebo, but then faints every time he has to make the four-inch jump back to the ground. I don't blame him, I nearly faint every time I get out of bed in the morning. Mostly because I wake up scared the day is going to suck. And you know what? I'm usually right.
Keep going for the worthwhile video of Boo doing his thing.

Seen here pretending to peek out of a giant vagina for the second time in his life, 23-year old Justin Garrett of Harrogate, England, recently experienced a 17-hour boner after having sex one night (although I suspect he just masturbated in the shower and told the doctors he had sex because he was embarrassed even though there's nothing embarrassing about masturbating in the shower unless you're at the gym). He tried taking a cold bath and jogging to subdue his raging meat popsicle, but, like an ice cream sandwich in the freezer, it was destined to stay hard.

The man said he sought advice from his roommate after eight hours of unsuccessful erection-stopping attempts and Garnett was taken to a hospital, where doctors said the condition is known as priapism. The condition can permanently damage the penis if it is not immediately treated.
Garnett said doctors drained more than 2 pints of blood from his penis and injected it with medication 24 times to make the unwanted erection go away.
"Seeing them stab my penis with a needle was a horrible experience -- like something out of a horror film. The pain was a 10 out of 10..."
"It is completely normal now, apart from the fact that it looks like it's been through a war. It's all a bit black and blue," he said.

Just reread those last two quotes. Then take a minute to thank your own penis for never needing 24 injections and 2-pints of blood drained to go limp again. Two pints of blood -- do you even realize how much that is? That's like two pints of chocolate milk, but blood. His penis must have looked like an uninflated balloon after that. Did you just visualize that? Haha -- I OWN YOU.
Thanks to TBTMH, who agrees you should always call your doctor if your erection lasts longer than four hours and demand a virtual high-five.

This is a video of some guy constantly scaring/harassing his girlfriend with different Lord of the Rings quotes. Amazingly, somehow she didn't leave him before he was able to make this video. Also, for a guy who can remember every line from Lord of the Rings, it's a little surprising HE CAN NEVER REMEMBER TO NOT SHOOT IN PORTRAIT MODE. If I were here I'd leave him in a heartbeat for a guy who quotes The Princess Bride, even if he doesn't get all the words right. *sneaking up behind girlfriend* As yooou waaaaaaant.
Keep going for the video and be thankful you're in the relationship you're in.

Spider at my girlfriend's parents house, in their garage. Apparently it decided it wanted to build its web in the middle of the arch and needed something to counter balance it from the bottom. So, this clever spider grabbed a rock, dragged it up to the web, and suspended it from the bottom. Never seen anything like it before and thought it was pretty f***ing cool.

Basically, the spider is looking for good anchor points. It pulls on all the lines to check for stability as it's making the web. As far as it knows that line is attached to the ground. That rock is just heavy enough to keep the line taut but not so light the spider would pull it all the way up. Had one do this with a heavy leaf outside my window. That leaf danced just above the ground for like weeks and drove me crazy every time the wind blew.

Damn, I'm afraid it's only a matter of time until spiders are building catapults and cannons to take out enemies from afar. And when that day comes, well, I can only hope I'm already six feet under. "Like, dead?" God no, like six feet under my naked girlfriend floating above me in outerspace. I will be taking racy pictures. No -- racy HOLOGRAMS.
Keep going for several more shots of the web, along with a David Attenborough video of a spider from Madagascar raising a snail shell up a tree to hide in.

This is a video of voice actors Sean Schemmel and Jason Douglas recording their character's lines for the Dragon Ball Z: Battle of Gods movie. They really get into character. Lots of fist clenching and face making. I do the same thing when I'm on the phone with telemarketers. *wincing like I'm trying to take a full twenty minute shit in ten seconds* OF COURSE I'M NOT HAPPY WITH MY CURRENT HEALTH INSURANCE, BUT I DON'T WANT YOURS EITHER! "Well if you don't mind my asking, what do you currently pay?" *vein pops in forehead* IT'S OVER NINE-THOUSAAAAAAND.
Keep going for the video.

This is the silver and amber facehugger brooch designed and crafted by deviantARTist fairyfrog (aka Sarah Burchill). As you can see, she did an amazing job. Way better than the facehugger brooch I made. "That's just one of those cheap plastic Halloween spider rings with the ring cut off." Like I said, way better than mine.
Keep going for several more shots including the alien head carving in the back of the amber.

This is a video of chainsaw artist Griffon Ramsey carving Guardians of the Galaxy's Groot out of a couple stumps. Of all the things to be carving out of a stump, Groot seems the most appropriate. Followed by totem poles and tiki gods. I've always wanted a giant tiki god carving in my apartment. Then it wouldn't feel so inappropriate drinking Mai Tais and Rum Runners at eleven in the morning. Well, it might still feel inappropriate, but at least I'd have company. Did you hear that? OOGA BOOGA SAY MAKE A COCKTAIL.
Keep going for a video of the caving in progress.

Because Australia, this is a video of two kangaroos duking it out in a suburban neighborhood. Presumably over a lady. They look so crazy it almost seems fake. I never realized how strong kangaroo's tails were and how much they use them to balance, especially when kicking the shit out of an opponent. They actually do more kickboxing than traditional boxing. You know, sometimes I wish I lived in Australia. Then I think about the spiders and wish the whole continent sunk into the ocean.
Keep going for the video.

This is the $10 Laser Collar Pet Toy available from ThinkGeek. It's a pet collar attachment that points a red laser dot wherever your dog or cat is looking, so they have something to chase because you're too lazy to wave the laser pointer around for them. It's perfect for the pet owner that wants their pet to pass out from running into walls too much. Attach them to all your cats' collars and watch them run around in the dark like little snipers on meth! On a scale from 1 to 10, how scary would it be to wake up in the middle of the night to a couple red laser dots pointed in your eyes? To me that would be at least a 12, especially since I don't have any pets or laser pointers in the house.
Thanks to bree, who tortures her dog the old fashioned way: pretending to throw a treat but really just hiding it in her hand.

UPDATE: Also added a video of Anna-Maria in concert.
This is a video of polyphonic singer Anna-Maria Hefele demonstrating her ability to sing high and low notes at the same time, producing sounds not unlike the ones you hear in your head after huffing nitrous. Does Anna-Maria remind anybody else of Elizabeth from Bioshock Infinite, or is that just me? Come on, somebody validate me. "Yes, she does." No, I meant like, tell me I'm handsome or something, I've been feeling pretty low lately.
Keep going for the worthwhile video, but feel free to skip around. Also, not to brag or anything. But I've sung two separate notes at the same time before. "Burping and farting simultaneously doesn't count." WELL IT SHOULD.

This is a short video of a bunch of baby sea turtles being released to scamper down into the ocean on Lankayan Island in Malaysian Borneo. Fun fact: did you know the sex of baby sea turtles depends on the temperature of the sand they're incubated in? Higher temperatures decrease incubation time and result in a greater number of females. I'm not complaining, said every single male sea turtle already in the ocean.
Keep going for the video.