11.06.2007.

Men: To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch.

Women: Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot the “i” with circles or hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in the “b” and “g". It is a pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she’s dumping you, she will put a smiley face at the end of the note.

Groceries:

Women: A woman makes a list of things she needs, then goes out to the store and buys those things.

Men: A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett’s car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the express lane.

Relationships:

Women: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled “All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life.

Men: A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, “I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I’ll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you’re a total floozy. But I want you to know that there’s always a chance for us.” This is known as the “I Hate You / I Love You” drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need.

Sex:

Women: They prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay.

Men: They prefer 30-40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place part of the foreplay.

Maturity:

Women: They mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults.

Men: Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

Magazines:

Men: Men’s magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman’s body.

Women: Women’s magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Most naked men elicit laughter from women.

Bathrooms:

Men: A man has six items in his bathroom – a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

Women: The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 437. A man cannot identify most of these items.

Shoes:

Women: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk.

Men: A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day. Let’s not talk about how many days he’ll wear the same socks.

Cats:

Women: Women love cats.

Men: Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.

Children:

Women: A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.

Men: A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Dressing Up:

Women: A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.

Men: A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

Laundry:

Women: Women do laundry every couple of days.

Men: A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants (the ones that were hip about eight years ago) before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by reruns of old episodes of “Love American Style.”

Eating Out:

Men: When the check comes, each man will each throw in $20 bills, even though it’s only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

Women: When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.

Mirrors:

Men: Men are vain and will check themselves out in a mirror.

Women: They are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, bald guys’ heads.

Menopause:

Women: When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of these changes varies with the individual.

Men: Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction - he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.

The Phone:

Men: Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people.

Women: A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

Richard Gere:

Women: Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way.

Men: Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works at the health club and dates only married women.

Madonna:

Same as above, but reversed. Same reason.

Toys:

Women: Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest.

Men: Men never grow out of their toy obsession. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive, silly and impractical. Examples of men’s toys: little miniature TVs. Car phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 “D” batteries to operate.

Cameras:

Men: Men take photography very seriously. They’ll shell out $4000 for state of the art equipment, and build dark rooms and take photography classes.

Men: In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don’t know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women.

Women: They talk about one thing in the locker room - sex. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie.

Movies:

Women: Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a man.

Men: The only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him.

Jewelry:

Women: Women look nice when they wear jewelry.

Men: A man can get away with wearing one ring and that’s it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.

Conversation:

Men: Men need a good disagreement to get talking. For instance, “Wow, great movie.” or “What are you, nuts? No REAL cop would have an Uzi that size.”

Women: Women, not having this problem, try to initiate conversations with men by saying something agreeable: “That garden by the roadside looks lovely.” “Mm hmm.” Pause. “That was a good restaurant last night, wasn’t it?” “Yeah.” Pause. And so on.

Leg Warmers:

Women: Leg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she’s walking the dog or doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any time she wants.

Men: A man can only wear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the “Gimme the Ball” number in “A Chorus Line.”

Friends:

Women: Women on a girls’ night out talk the whole time.

Men: Men on a boy’s night out say about twenty words all night, most of which are “Pass the Doritos” or “got any more beer?”

Restrooms:

Women: Women use restrooms as social lounges. Women who’ve never met will leave a restroom giggling together like old friends. Women also go to the restroom in packs, at least two women at a time excuse themselves to use the restroom.

Men: Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Men in a restrooms will never speak a word to each other. And never in the history of the world has a man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, “Hey, Tom, I was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me?”

07.12.2005.

Most of us have, at some sodden point in our lives, learned the hazards of “beer goggles". Indeed, research shows that 68% of men or women who hand out a phone number at a bar regret it the next day – after realizing the hottie they’d met was, in fact, not.

But now a neuroscientist has actually worked out a formula describing the precise interaction of booze, lighting, and distance that produces this dread syndrome. In Nathan Ephron’s equation, which is above, “Β” stands for the intensity of one’s beer goggle effect, and it is calculated by these variables: … Collision detection - izvor

The ladder theory is a theory of adult male/female interaction. It has its basis in many years of sociological field testing. it was first conceptualized in 1994 in Exeter, CA. My acknowledgements to Jared Whitson for his role in formalizing the theory.

I wasn’t a sexist before I understood women. There was a time when I
was blissfully ignorant. I grew up watching Disney cartoons, I
believed in romance and “true love conquers all” etc. I wanted to find
a woman who could be my equal, my partner. I believed in finding that
one true love and being committed to each other forever. You know,
like in the marriage vows, “for better or for worse, through sickness
and in health, for richer or for poorer” etc. And I believed that
women basically wanted the same thing. Now I understand that this was
only possible when society was structured to enforce it. Now that
women are “liberated” (and thus at the mercy of their own emotions and
baser instincts) this is mostly no longer possible in today’s society.
Victorian society, or many Arab societies, are examples of how society
used to be structured to keep women as faithful as possible.

I’d like to point out that I am not a misogynist…I love women. But I
AM a sexist, in the sense that I believe women are vastly different
than men and, according to the standards that men hold for other men,
women are inferior as well.

I must be a bitter loser, right? In fact, I enjoy more success with
women than most of the men in this city. I have slept with over 200
women in my life. I am sleeping with 5 different women right now. They
are all normal, healthy, well-adjusted, good-looking (8+ on the looks
scale) professional women. (At least as normal and healthy and
well-adjusted as women can be - most women have issues.) But that’s
not all. I can go out any night of the week and pick up a woman. I can
pick her up in front of all her friends (with 80% efficiency for each
approach.) Women will slip me their phone number when their boyfriend
is in the bathroom. I can talk to women on the street or in the
grocery store and within 30 minutes, I can usually have sex with them
right there in my car or get them back to my place. If I have to
settle for a phone number, and I meet her on another day, assuming she
doesn’t flake, I WILL fuck her that next day.

Let me point out right now that my Modus Operandi doesn’t change in
the slightest if she single or if she has a boyfriend or husband. I
just do my normal routine and I fuck her. Sometimes she brings up the
boyfriend so she won’t feel guilty when I fuck her because now it’s
“my fault.” Sometimes she hides it from me until after I’ve fucked
her, then she admits it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been
laying next to some chick, all sweaty cause I just finished busting a
nut all over her face or in her mouth or on her back, and suddenly her
phone rings and she’s on the phone with her man, giving him some
bullshit story. This is with NO GUILT WHATSOEVER!!! The sweetest most
innocent girls you ever laid eyes on, will cheat at the drop of a HAT.
The one thing that most men value most - loyalty - is just not there
with women. Women don’t think in terms of honor, women don’t say “word
is bond;” women are basically emotionally driven. If they feel it,
they do it, period. Then they rationalize it to themselves later.
Nothing is more meaningful, or compelling, to a woman than (1) the way
she feels and (2) learning more about her own inner self and having
emotional realizations. That’s why women love astrology, chick flicks,
soap operas, stupid Cosmo quizes that supposedly reveal info about
yourself, etc.

I must be really good looking, right? NOPE. My looks are marginal, I’m
maybe a 7. I don’t work out (though I’m not fat or anything.) In fact
I didn’t have any success with women until I was in my early 20’s.
That’s when I decided to go out a lot and start trying to get laid…I
was willing to face rejection a thousand times a night, and do it over
and over, trying everything, until I got it right. I had to completely
set my ego aside. I didn’t get laid at all for the first few months.
Then every now and then. Then pretty often. Then downright
consistently! I’m in my early 30’s now and I am basically a sexual
god. I wouldn’t have even believed this were possible when I was in
high school. The ONLY factor that determined whether a woman would
cheat was my own skill level. When my skills were poor, women shit all
over me. (Everyone knows how women think they have license to be rude
bitches in social situations…in fact I understand and appreciate
that behavior now.) But once my skills got good, I could fuck just
about anyone’s wife or girlfriend. And many times I didn’t know they
had a man until after I fucked them.

Look, I’m not saying that men are perfect, or whatever. Far from it.
I’m just saying, I’ve spent a lot of my time studying women and
interacting with them, and I know how they are. In fact, sometimes I
hate knowing it. Sometimes I wish I had taken the blue pill, and never
went down the rabbit hole, because now there’s really no going back. I
didn’t want to believe these things…but how could I ever get married
now? How could I ever be the chump who pays for everything and
blissfully goes through life not worrying about his woman because he
trusts her? Look, would you leave your dog alone with a steak? You
can’t hate the dog for doing what’s in its nature. You can’t trust a
dog, BUT you can trust a dog to BE a dog. Some men are disloyal…but
I could *never* trust a woman to be loyal. Some men are bad
presidents…but I could *never* vote for a woman to be president. I
can rarely expect a woman to regard her own promises as more important
and compelling to her than the emotions she feels in the moment. She
will rationalize it to herself later.

Here’s an interesting fact. Did you know that the median 22 year old
woman has TWICE as much sex as the median 22 year old man? You might
ask, how is that possible? If a woman’s having sex, doesn’t that mean
a man is having sex at the same time? And thus, shouldn’t men be
having just as much sex as women? NO…because most men hardly get
laid, or if they do, it’s because they “got lucky.” But a small group
of men get laid ALL THE TIME, and fuck LOTS AND LOTS of women! It’s
evolution at work. Women follow their emotions, and that leads them to
sleep with men like me (who know how to control female emotions.)
Women want the top man…so the top man fucks lots of women. That’s
right - the sexual revolution, feminism, etc has resulted in a return
to harems. Women, at the mercy of their own emotions, are volunteering
for the modern-day equivalent of harems. Lucky for me!! Heh.

You might say, “But…but…I’m so nice! I’m a nice guy!” Guess what?
That’s like a fat chick saying, “But I’m so smart!” As if those things
have anything in the world to do with sexual attraction!

I’m going to give some tips here for the poor sucker guys who are
posting online trying to get laid and who are spending hundreds /
thousands of dollars on all those whores out there without getting any
play. (You bitches know exactly what you’re doing, and I’m on to your
game!)

— Don’t be sexually judgemental in any way. A woman’s worst fear is
to be perceived as a slut. She will suck your toes and take it in the
ass if she thinks you don’t view her poorly for it (and she knows her
friends won’t find out.)
— Don’t get angry at her. Women know they have emotional outbursts
and they need to trust that you can handle that. It’s ok (and
necessary) to occasionally put your foot down…just make sure she
knows you are fully in control of yourself.
— Don’t let her manipulate you or control you in any way. She will
immediately lose all respect for you. Always be leading. It’s just
like dancing - women hate a man who can’t lead.
— When first approaching a woman or a group, they tend to get a
feeling like this is just your little scheme to get close to them,
when you really just want something from them - like sex. (And they’re
right.) It’s important to structure your body language and
conversation so that they honestly don’t believe you want something
from them. They should feel like you are about to leave at any second.
— DON’T TRY TO IMPRESS HER IN ANY WAY. Don’t show off. Don’t talk
about accomplishments or possessions. As soon as she perceives that
you are trying to prove yourself to her, she loses all interest.
— Don’t ignore her friends. A woman values her friend’s opinions
more than just about anything else in the world. Nothing matters to
her more than what other women are thinking. Give her friends lots of
attention and get everyone laughing. If one woman is feeling different
than the others, she will drag them away. They will follow like a
flock of pigeons. Society is the book of women. (Notice that men do
NOT behave this way! Women are very different!)
— To get a woman attracted / emotionally vulnerable, give her lots
of emotions and feelings. Don’t just make her feel good. Make her feel
good, and angry, and sad, and connected, and astonished, and
intrigued, etc. Make her laugh. Tease her. Tell stories about your
sick puppy. Tell her why things would never work out between the two
of you. Call her a dork. If she gets heated up, she will start
touching you…playfully push her away. If she calls you a jerk and
punches your arm, you are doing it right. If she gives you that “I
can’t believe you just said that” look, do NOT back down, do not say
“Oh I’m just kidding” or anything like that.
— As she gets more emotional, she will try to ruin things by
throwing in logic. She will ask you if you are a player, or if you say
this to all the girls, or whatever. The trick is this: Don’t take it
seriously by giving it some logical answer! That’s right…women lose
interest if you take them seriously!!! It’s crazy but that’s how they
behave. Just blow it off or misinterpret what she’s saying as though
she is coming on to you. If you fail these tests, she will be gone so
fast your head will spin.
— She will start asking you lots of questions. This is what chicks
do when they suddenly find themselves attracted to a man they know
nothing about. This is your chance to open up a little and also find
out more about her and build a deeper connection. You have to do this,
or she will flake later (even if you’ve kissed her!) Women are the
worst flakes in the world! Don’t make it too easy for her, make her
work for it a bit. Then talk about connections and childhood memories
and things you have in common, etc. She needs to feel that this is
genuine. This is usually the time when I throw in a few fake
vulnerabilities, like pretending I’m shy or insecure about something.
I know it’s fucked up but women need to see that there are at least a
few small holes where they can sink their hooks in you. They get
uneasy if you are too perfect.
— Make sure she gets the feeling that you have standards and that
you are judging her based on them. Ask her questions that show her you
are checking her out to see if she is up to snuff. Women don’t like to
feel like you are with them only because you can’t do any better. They
prefer to feel like you have high standards, you can get any chick you
want, but you chose HER because she is SOOOO special and SOOOO
different than all the others. Yeah I know.
— Move her to different locations. Take her next door for a drink.
Take her across the street to check out some art. The more locations
the better.
— Take responsibility for every escalation. A woman will do just
about anything as long as she doesn’t have to feel like it was “her
fault.” Make it YOUR fault. Make it “just happen.” She will
rationalize it to herself later using the same bullshit generator that
women use to flake out on dates at the last minute. Don’t get her
horny until you get her isolated. Believe me, emotional is better than
horny.
— Keep the woman always swinging somewhere between validation and
rejection. If she feels rejected, she drops out or gets REALLY MAD.
And if she feels too validated, she will ditch you in a heartbeat. So
push her away (emotionally) and then pull her back in.
— BELIEVE YOUR OWN BULLSHIT. Chicks do not look at your excuses and
try to see if they are bullshit or not… because that is the logical
thing to do, and chicks are not logical. Rather, what they do is see
if YOU seem to believe your own bullshit when you say it. If you look
like you do, then chances are, they will believe it too. So the key is
to believe your own bullshit, and other aspects about yourself that
you want the chick to believe about you too (alpha male..whatever)…
because your own self beliefs for some reason will automatically
‘impart’ to the chick!
— One more thing…many guys make the mistake of listening to female
romantic advice. Don’t listen to them, THEY DON’T KNOW WTF THEY ARE
TALKING ABOUT, and they WILL steer you wrong. They will tell you what
they THINK they want, instead of what they actually RESPOND to. And
furthermore, a large part of the female sexual experience IS the
inability to admit these things BECAUSE they derive sexual pleasure
from putting up resistance and being overwhelmed.

If you do things this way, after a few months practice you WILL get
laid like a rock star. The guys who get laid are the ones who know
what they are doing, because they have practiced on lots of women.
Ironically, women are most attracted to the men who are most likely to
fuck them and then dump them on their ass - because those are
precisely the men who have so many other options because they practice
on lots of women. That’s why you always hear women bitching about how
men are assholes that only want to fuck them and dump them - because
those are the men that they gravitate to.

Women tend to wise up when they get towards their 30s, and they start
looking for a nice wimpy beta male to settle down with and pay for all
their shit. As they get older, they will get more and more desperate
to find this guy. Once they do, they will cheat on him with an
exciting fun guy like me. (But who wants to fuck some old chick in her
30’s? That’s what beta males are for! Heh)

Hey, don’t blame me - I didn’t make things the way they are. I was
just a guy who wanted to get laid. And I do

12.10.2004.

’Men don’t feel the need to talk in general, to articulate what it is they are. I feel no need to talk. Men and women are very different, and we have always been very different. That is precisely why we find each other so attractive.’