What you needed, and what you didn’t, to welcome home baby

The Finnish government gives every expectant mom in the country a box of supplies.

My mother sniffed at my registry when I was pregnant the first time.

“All a baby needs is love,” she said. “They can sleep in a drawer.”

MMMkay. True, but I had friends and family who wanted to give me stuff, and I wanted to give them direction.

What did you think you needed before your first child was born and how did that change as time passed? Your answers may be used in a story I’m writing for the paper.

I would have been lost in the giant Babies R Us in Latham without my best friend, who was already a mom. I trailed along behind her and did what she said. She also gave me the drop-side crib (gasp!) I still use. A lot of Rushton’s clothes and toys came in the form of hand-me-downs. A friend who hadn’t found out the sex of her baby before she was born said not knowing was a good idea when it came time for the baby shower because people bought her what she needed rather than a bunch of pink or blue clothes.

I spurned the wipe warmer until I used one at a friend’s house and admired it. Then she bought me one and I spurned it again after a while because it dried out the wipes. Family members bought us a swing, a baby rocker that played music and vibrated; the car seat and base; an Exersaucer and a high chair – all of which we’ve used intensely.

24 Responses

I thought I needed a crib. I didn’t. What I really needed was a bedrail for our bed so we could safely co-sleep. My boy was a cuddler. The crib was a cute place to hold all the stuffed animals he got as gifts though!

That is funny about the baby sleeping in a drawer. My mom used to say the same thing to me!
I had a wipe warmer with my first child. I sold it. My 2nd child didn’t need it.
I also feel like they don’t need a million bottles. Just buy 2-3 and wash them. Why do I need a million bottles sitting around?

For baby #1 I built a large registry at Babies R Us. I had talked with friends but really had no clue as to what I needed hence the overregistering. You really don’t know until the baby arrives and you see how the baby is and what your schedule is like, how the house is oriented, etc. As an example, I bought a Baby Bjorn, thinking it would be very necessary. Well, the baby hated it so we never used it. Same thing with the dressertop ergonomic changing table. Sounded great, then it was too tall for me to safely and comfortably change the baby 10 times a day, so I bought a smaller one from Target. Then, baby #2 was so different so I had to buy more than I thought. The Born Free bottles baby #1 loved were not so much a hit with the girl, so after trying 5+ branks, she ended up liking the Nuk bottles. It’s always something.

Things I got and never used:
Baby bath tub – the sink worked just fine
Those suction cup shades for the car windows
giant diaper bag
Boppy
Nightgowns with the elastic on the bottom – my little wiggler would have them up around her armpits in less than 10 minutes every time
elastic ribbon/lace head bands
Leap frog, etc, “educational” electronic toys

Three things I loved, and give to all my friends:
The little basket that goes in the dishwasher to hold bottle tops, nipples (facing in the correct direction), and other small things that would fall through the regular slots of the dishwasher.

A crib toy that has lights, music, moving pictures, and turns itself on automatically when the baby cries. It’s a form of Pavlovian sleep training for baby The only person who didn’t use it was my sister-in-law in NYC, because every time the train went by, the darn thing would think the baby was crying and turn itself on…

Compared to my friends, I was the “weird” one. I did not register for anything and I only bought what I knew were necessities because to me, most of the stuff my friends felt was non-negotiable I felt was either useless or didn’t know if I’d actually need it.

When my first was born I got a used, hand-me down crib; a short dresser that I put a changing pad on; diapers & wipes; a few outfits (onesies, sleepers); and a diaper bag that is smaller than many pocketbooks. That was it.

I figured that after the baby came home, that was when I’d discover what other items would make life easier and what things I would never use.

I loved the adorable fuzzy one piece snowsuit, but when I attempted to put my newborn in it, it just didn’t work. Wish I had known that before spending $50 on something we used once. I did love the fleece zip up liner for the car seat which kept the baby warm, but not overheated and meant we didn’t have to keep adjusting the seat belt tethers. When my first born arrived, I tried to follow the advice of don’t let your kid fall asleep in the swing. But quickly that became a favorite place for him to go to sleep. As much as I originally thought I needed every single Carter’s outfit in each size, I realized that we could make do with much fewer onesies… By the way, I heard the comment about sleeping in a drawer as well. But unfortunately the dresser drawers were filled with tons of onesies, no room for a little one.

Many of the baby gadgets are indispensable … for a few months. After that they take up space. Borrow those when you can (swing, play gym, exersaucer, etc).
Must haves for us: phone number of your best friend/relative who you can call when you are losing your mind, someone to hold the baby so you can nap once in a while, a few good friends who will drop off some meals and not stay more than a few minutes.
Otherwise, these things were helpful: breast pump, travel changing pad (the kind that holds diapers and wipes and has a fold out changing pad for those public space changes), mesh bag feeders, small hand turned baby food mill, teething tablets.

Supply of diapers in various sizes
Baby wipes
Several onsies
A few blankets
Burp clothes
Mobile
Baby Monitor
A good stroller that opens & closes easily & fits in the car
Sturdy carrier
Nipple cream for Mom

When baby first comes home you need clothes, diapers, bottles, something for him to sleep in (my 12 day old sleeps in his boppy pillow between my husband and I while his bassinet is now a changing table!), a car seat, a stroller so mom can get walking, lots of blankets, some sort of carrier alternative to the heavy as hell carseat, and stuff to take a bath. Anything else is a bonus.

I swear by having a swing and a bouncer chair, we buy the pack n play, jumparoo and floor mats as they reach those milestones.

I didn’t get a diaper genie or anything like it and I didn’t miss it. Who wants dirty diapers hanging around? they got bagged and thrown in the kitchen garbage which was take outside daily. I got a lot of use out of my baby swing though!

14 years ago… Holy Toledo, I was conviced that it would be nothing but the best of the best for my soon to be perfect baby. July 22, 1999 I gave birth to the spawn of Satan. He cried all the time, never slept, spit up everything he ate, and was forever pooping through his name brand diapers. I was so exausted with this child that the thought of carrying him to his $300.00 fancy smancy changing table 20 times a day to change his damn clothes was enough to make me curl in a fetal position and cry for hours. I quickly learned that changing him on the couch was so much more convienent and condusive to my state of mind. His top o the line toys were also a waste, the kid was happiest with a wooden spoon and paper towel tube. Though it seemed to last FOREVER he quickly out grew is satanic ways and has grown into a wonderful young man. To sum it up, I found that the only things that I truly needed to survive baby #1 was someone to let me sleep for a few minutes every couple of days, a sense of humor, and now that he’s a teen a bottle (8) of wine. Baby # 2 however……

In thinking about this, there is a theme here – it’s not what baby needed, it was what I needed to function and be the best mom I could be under the sleep deprived circumstances.

the co-sleeper next to the bed thing…I thought “oh baby will sleep in baby’s room from day 1″…we got home and I freaked at the idea of her being that far away so sent husband out to get one for that night
swaddles (!!!!)
sleep book of your choice
changing table that I had spent some time thinking about knowing how to arrange so it worked for me easily (i was 2.5 weeks late…i had some time to kill)
different types of pacifiers to try – she ended up not liking any of them and didn’t use them but it was great to have different tools in my toolkit
a diaper bag my husband liked (!)
a really comfortable chair for me to nurse in with a radio/ipod nearby that was easy to operate

Wish I hadn’t bothered: baby swing (50-50 chance s/he’ll even like it and it takes up WAY too much space); baby bathtub (laundry basket will do and will have a subsequent use!); booties/shoes/socks (won’t stay on); two-piece outfits; outfits that go on over baby’s head; wipes warmer; diaper genie; bassinet; baby food processor (blender will do); changing table (any designated surface will do); bookshelf full of baby care books.

Strongest recommendation: Accept anything and everything you can as a hand-me-down. New is NOT better and you just don’t know what your baby is going to like or not like. Nothin’ like spending $100 on a jumper chair that your baby refuses to sit in.

I agree with many of the posts-stick to the basics-keep the baby safe, fed, warm, dry and cozy–borrow or buy “gear” second-hand. As I prepare for baby #2-here are my must haves–
1: Aden and Anais swaddling blankets-yes, they are pricey but they serve a multitude of purposes–swaddling blankets (that don’t shift), burp cloths (kiddo #1 was notorious..), and nursing covers.
2: Nipple cream-Soothies (cool gel nipple pads) for the first few days.
3: A second set of breast pump accessories. Perhaps wasteful, but this time around my time will be better spent with the kiddos than washing bottles and breast pump parts multiple times a day.
4: Clothes to keep baby warm and dry
5: Sleep Sack–these are a must, either store bought or handmade. My daughter wore hers through age 2 to keep warm on winter nights.
6: Baby Carrier–whether you choose a sling, Moby, Baby Bjorn or Ergo–some sort of baby wearing device is essential, both for mama and kiddo. It is incredible to be “hands free” and it continues to develop the relationship between mama (or papa) and baby.

Totally unnecessary:
1: Nursing covers-If you choose to breastfeed there is no need to spend $30 on a glorified bib that draws more attention to the activity. Buy yourself a pretty scarf to carry with you-it serves the same purpose and will continue to be fashionable and functional after you are nursing. Better yet-use the swaddling blankets mentioned above.