Monthly Archives: August 2018

Ok, seriously, how could you be an adult and not where you are suppose to stick your dick to make a baby?

The Metro, always a source of the most absurd tales (where do they find this stuff?), is reporting that a Chinese couple were trying to have a baby for 4 years, and finally went to a doctor to ask why they weren’t conceiving.

The doctor then does an examination on the woman, only to discover she can stick 3 fingers up the woman’s butt (what?!), and enquires what that’s all about. Lo and behold, they’ve been having anal sex, trying to make a baby, for years.

How can you be an adult in this day and age and not know how to make baby? Cavemen did it, and they didn’t even have internet porn. This really can not be true.

How does this strange tale end? Well, the couple go on home, have sex the (other) way Mother Nature intended, and a baby is on the way just weeks later!

And as what I can only presume is some sort of symbolic gesture, the doctor for her troubles receives from the couple 100 eggs and a chicken!

It seems that contact lens use is on the rise, and they are contributing to the problem of micro-plastics in waterways because idiots like me throw them in the toilet or sink rather than the garbage.

According to the findings, presented Sunday at the 256th National Meeting & Exposition of the American Chemical Society, anywhere from six to 10 metric tonsof plastic lenses end up in United States wastewater annually. Because of the way wastewater is treated, all that plastic ends up contributing to microplastic pollution currently building up in waterways, which eventually makes its way into the food chain. It’s an especially timely problem as the use of contact lenses is steadily rising.

I remember one day, when I was living in Toronto, right having flossed my teeth and flushed the floss down the toilet, reading in an international publication about how the city of Toronto was having a major problem filtering dental floss from the waste water. I felt like whoever wrote the article had written it just for me, right then. Guilty as charged! I stopped throwing my floss in the toilet right there and then.

And here I just read about another terrible trash problem I’m contributing to! I had never really thought about it. Now that I am enlightened, I will henceforth dispose of them properly. You do the same please!

I remember watching the video for Like a Virgin for the very first time back in 1984 with my sisters and just thinking it was outrageous, with its salacious lyrics and her outrageous fashion. Looking back now, it was the ’80s in a nutshell. But of course, the media went wild for it – news reports, shock, and outrage, and the assertion that it was just a passing fad; that Madonna would fade fast. Boy were they wrong!

Happy Birthday Madonna!

Maybe the powers that be should make her birthday into some sort of holiday from here on out! We need a holiday…it would be so nice!

London is, of course, going through a bit of a moment with moped crime, as young hooligans come to realise their power in numbers and how being brazen is a path to short-term gains. It is truly depressing that this is how the urban youth are spending their time – terrorising people with violence and gangs.

Anyway, the address and phone number on this poster leads to Foka Wolf Academy, presumably an art collective with a lot of other fun stuff available. That particular poster is available for £40.

I’d also like to mention that when I was taking that photo, I was pushing my bike and treating myself to a bit of onigiri sushi, and like the moped gangs taking advantage of distracted people, some homeless guy who smelled of urine and was covered in a layer of dirt, with a grungy sleeping bag over his shoulder, and sporting a raggedy Jesus beard tried to literally take the sushi out of my hand. I jerked away and he lunged at me again, I said “fuck off” and I was literally shaking at the intrusion. He lurched towards me yet again, and I leaned my bike against my leg and reached into my bag pocket where I keep my u-lock when I cycle (admittedly for both easy access and and self-defence), I think he saw what I was going for and he said “fuck off” back to me and wandered away finally.

I was genuinely rattled by the experience. Being confronted on the street as you go about your business by a gang of moped driving self-entitled thugs with machetes and acid would be truly terrifying.

It’s incredible really that Craigslist is still going strong without having compromised much over the many years. It’s still the same bland text links that it was in the ’90s and although maybe not as risqué or outrageous as it’s been at various periods in its history, it still offers up a few gems, even in London, where it’s never been very big or well-known.

Here’s a winner I found about a month ago on the London Craigslist.

It reads:

Hi

This is gong to sound a bit strange but I’m looking for someone who can come to my place, dress as a nun and throw Maltesers at me while I walk around wearing a nappy and singing along to greatest hits from the Sound of Music. Is anyone interested? I’m a friendly, 47 year old guy, normal in all other areas! Hope to hear from you

Rufus.

Indeed Rufus, it does sound a bit strange. I do wonder if he got his desire satisfied.

Here’s another sad one. A mechanic at Sea-Tac airport stole a plane today and flew it around in loopdy-loos and barrel rolls for a while before plowing it into the ground and killing himself.

They’re calling it a suicide and it sure sounds like one if you listen to the recordings of his conversation with the air traffic control.

He says, “Just a broken guy, got a few screws loose I guess”…and at the end he says, “I didn’t really plan on landing it”.

Something else in that transcript that struck me, was that he, like myself and so many others was obviously affected by that orca and her baby. He says, “Hey, I want the coordinates of that orca; you know the mama orca with the baby. I want to see that guy.”

Damn. Empathy is hard.

I also want to add that that air traffic controller was good. Talking to him calmly like he was a normal guy, trying to get him down safely. It’s unfortunate it didn’t end so well.

This story really is heartbreaking. An orca baby dies at birth and her mother pushes the dead body through the water for over two weeks, refusing to let it go.

I remember when I was young and people would actually say things like “the difference between animals and humans is animals have no soul” or some bullshit like that. Of course, that all came out of some Christian notion of souls and man’s superiority over nature. At any rate, it’s good to see that this idea is finally being disrupted. People are finally coming to realise that just because they don’t feel as we feel, they still feel.

And as terrible and sad as this story about the whale is, at least it generates some sense of sympathy, even empathy, and perhaps even some guilt, as the fact is, we are basically the cause of this orca’s death and the cause of this pod’s slow extinction.

It would be nice if this could be a wake-up call and a call to action, but when that mother finally lets her calf go (or dies from malnourishment herself), it probably won’t be long before it’s business as usual and we all forget her plight.