8 Things To Give Up In Your Quest For Happiness And Success

1. Excuses

Get rid of them, the small ones, the big ones, the outlandish ones, the ones that seduce you into thinking you can’t, you know, the whispers, the inner critic, the nasty mind chatter, all of those excuses, ALL of them! Do it and do it NOW. Don’t wait. Your BEST life depends on it. Your excuses are all BS and they absolutely stop you from having the life YOU want.

I want better for YOU and I want to give more of what I know to you, all the time, in any way I can. Life isn’t always fair, right? But so what! Use that to your advantage. It can be your ally if you let it and use your knowledge appropriately. The more effort, the more will and the better your attitude you put in the more you are going to get out. There IS equal opportunity out there with all of the free resources, technology, and knowledge available to you. So, it is UP TO YOU!

There is no excuse for you NOT to start living the life that you want now is there? Everyone wants to be a millionaire but the vast majority never reach that goal because of one thing, their attitude and their ability to overcome their own self- limiting beliefs about how they can get to that goal. Are you willing to do what it takes?

Your habits define YOU. Yep, they sure do. You are an expression of YOU, all of the time and this includes; what you say, how you say it, what you do, how you do it, how you dress, what you wear, how polite you are, if you have high emotional intelligence, if you can get over the past, if you let failing once get the better of you, if you are late to work, save money, live within your means, letting your parents off the hook, (or not) literally, you are living out your life through YOUR HABITS.

One thing is for sure, there is going to be rejection, embarrassment, foolish decisions, deceit, lies and so on but it is YOUR job to make informed decisions in knowing this because life is not perfect, you aren’t perfect and no one else is. So just move forward and move on. Let the past strengthen you and not hinder you.

Stop distracting yourself from your goals and deepest desires because of the ridiculous excuses that keep you from having an AMAZING life. If more people would stop focusing on their limitations and their challenges and start focusing on what they CAN do, there would be no time for excuses because you would be too busy being busy living out your dreams!

If you are really going to achieve the things you said you wanted to achieve, then grow some thick skin. Stop making ridiculous excuses, the reality is that in life there is going to be some pain, emotionally and/or physically, so get over it and move on.

Every successful person faced their challenges and was forced to overcome them or succumb to them, which do you think they chose? But will you choose it? Will you do what you have always done? Or will you choose differently and emulate them in their greatness? This is your story, you decide your own fate. Do you want to be successful this year? Well then, quit the self-defeating self-talk and start doing something about it.

2. Self Doubt

“When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt.” ~Honore de BalzacSelf.
Doubt is an inevitable part of the growth process. If you can understand that, then you won’t let it stop you from chasing your dreams. People who create success have had to face their own level of self-doubt. When your thoughts start to wander to the “dark side,” it is your ego mind creating doubt and resistance. The shuddering inner talk says things like “what if people don’t like me? What if my work is just not good enough? What if I am a laughing stock? This is the time when you have to face yourself with a level of confidence and mental grit to make the ego mind subdued because it is attempting to seduce you into a negative stupor. When you are aware of it, stop feeding it.

It is now your job to shut it down. With every bit of strength you know how to, to STOP IT, push that mute button and get on with it. Use your self-doubt as a motivator and a pivotal point to be stronger, have more courage and do better.

Trust yourself, be confident in YOU, use what you have inside to create and evolve. Don’t ever let self-doubt rob you of your dreams.

3. Fear of Failure

You are going to have to fail, blunder and fall many times before you get it right. And that’s just life. You have to do it wrong, and miss the mark multiple times in order to get it right. Yes, you are going to have to fail repeatedly to find your confidence and your success.

Your life is going to have to be a myriad of trials and errors in order to get it right. You may not get it right, the first time, the second time or even the tenth time; goodness gracious, Thomas Edison experimented trying to get the modern light bulb correct and it took him over 9000 tries. It certainly takes time, effort, patience and a huge amount of drive and guts to keep pushing through the uncertainty, the failure in order to gain the success you ultimately crave. Do you have the mental and emotional fortitude to weather the roller coaster to get to your BEST life?

4. Procrastination and Laziness

The only constant in life is change, ugh, the irony! We fight aging, we resist change, we use procrastination and laziness to negate growth, we think the grass is greener elsewhere and we think, “if only I have this, then I’ll finally be happy.” Sorry, we got it all WRONG.

Laziness and procrastination are forms of self-sabotage and resistance. These two things alone will kill your dreams and have you sitting in the same spot in front of the TV watching your favorite sitcoms over and over and over again and your internal monolog goes “I’ll do it tomorrow, it can wait, I just couldn’t be bothered.”

Time is precious and you can never get it back. You may wake up at some point in life and you haven’t achieved anything. Personal transformation is a process, don’t let being lazy or procrastination rob you of your true ability to achieve the things you want in your life. Don’t do it later, do it NOW.

Fight the urge to put it off until a later date and it will become more natural and organic and you won’t have to fight so hard if you just get over your self-made limitations and get on with it. Your goals are NOT going to achieve themselves now are they? How do you want to be remembered? As a go-getter or as a couch potato? The beauty is, it is YOUR choice and yours alone so please choose wisely.

5. People Pleasing

Pleasing other people is also another form of resistance and will stop you in your goal achievement and your accomplishments. It doesn’t work and it is not authentic to who you really are. Whoever decided that you need someone else’s approval to be happy and live a great life? What a load of utter nonsense. When you make yourself a priority and don’t take what others do or say personally, you won’t fall prey to pleasing other people or falling under the expectation of what other people think of you spell. It is an awful spell to be under and it’s a terrible waste of time.

Authenticity is really about, “what you see is what you get.” When you are too busy pleasing others, then you aren’t being authentic to yourself. When we aren’t swayed by the desires of others, we choose ourselves, and we have the opportunity and privilege to experience our own life according to the rules that we decide. That is a life of freedom, to live for ourselves and the freedom to make our own choices now isn’t it?

When we really break free from the bonds that we place on ourselves, breaking free from others that decided how we “should” be or how we need to be to make them happy, aren’t we truly living a life of authenticity and self-integrity? Do you really believe that you should ignore who you really are to please someone else? And if you do that, you really are just compromising your true self. We make ridiculous decisions to please others so we don’t disappoint them or hurt their feelings.

Did you realize that if you continue to try and please others, that there will be a GREAT cost to doing it? It will come at your own expense, and you will never truly be authentic. Are you willing to pay the price? Are you willing to compromise your own happiness for the happiness of others? Is it worth it? Heck no!

Aren’t you happier when your life is governed solely by you and when it is in your own hands? When you are no longer attached to the approval process of others and “what they think,” and you have surrendered to the greatest ideal of yourself, you will no longer be a puppet on a string and your decisions and choices that you make are an expression of your values through the way that you decide to live.

Don’t choose to compromise your values for anything. There may be a time in your life when you choose to live your own authenticity and become transparent about it, and people may not like you anymore because you no longer live to “please” them or put their needs first. You know what? That means you have the strength and courage to live with authenticity, integrity, with your own core values and, often times, people will even respect you more and you won’t be manipulated anymore.

If not, then you have the confidence to move forward knowing you were honest and sincere. You have the privilege of living the way you want to and the way that truly expresses who you really are.

Think about it, are you really living your truth and the greatest expression of who you are when you make a decision to please or placate someone else? You will never live up to anyone else’s expectation of how you SHOULD live. One of my favorite mottos is “What you think of me is none of my business.” And “I don’t know the key to success. But the key to failure is trying to please everyone.” Unknown

6. Negative Thinking

Oh the dreaded negative and diminishing self-talk that has a way of getting underneath our skin. It haunts you until you accept your own mediocrity or self-defeat. Well, it will only if you let it! None of us are impervious to the treacherous downward spiral of negative thinking. None of us are perfect and sometimes we let it slip through our consciousness without our permission and it permeates our courage and strength leading to self-doubt and insecurity.

But the trick is to notice it when it does and replace it with empowering thinking as quickly as possible and without it further permeating your sense of self. It really is an art, the art of NOT letting the negative drama seduce and coerce you to go to the “dark side,” and question your self-worth, your confidence and then costing you your success. Always be on the lookout, don’t let that insidious ego mind drive you to your lowest common denominator. Because, YOU are amazing, you are worthy and you CAN do it.

7. Critically Judging Others

Are you constantly gossiping or critically judging others behind their backs? Are you saying things about them that you would not say to their face? Do you think that diminishing another person is a depiction of integrity and your BEST self? Are you jealous that they have what you say you want? Do you feel better than those people who you are gossiping and judging? If so, what does critically judging them really say about you?

If it is so destructive, then why do we do it? According to the University of Massachusetts, gossiping “is tied in with self-esteem.” Robert Feldman, a psychologist with the university, stated, “We find that as soon as people feel that their self-esteem is threatened, they immediately begin to lie at higher levels. He has conducted numerous studies where sixty percent of people would lie at least one time in a ten-minute conversation. This literally means that adults can barely have a substantive conversation without judging someone or lying every single hour. Is this not beyond ridiculous? The things we do that inevitably kill our dreams and instead of working harder and making progress, people chose to diminish other people, embellish, and put others down.

Judging others seems harmless on the surface, but it creates a lot of negative things in people’s lives. Harsh and critical judgments create negativity and that is exactly what you will get in return. “We are not punished for our sins, we are punished by our sins. “Dr. Dispenza. When you give negativity, you inevitably receive negativity back. That is cause and effect and we call that karma. Judgemental people only end up casting harm on themselves in the long run.

This type of behavior is so insidious and habit-driven that most of us do it without even thinking about it or realizing its harmful effects. It easily becomes a subconscious habit. It is created over time and that habit may be hard to break because whenever you get together with your friends or co-workers, you gossip, judge and criticize and it becomes the means of connecting with them.

Do you realize that someone else’s life and their life’s decisions are not any of your business? Don’t get sucked in by someone else’s need to criticize and gossip, it’s a waste of your time. Do you think that you play no part if you just listen to someone else bitch and moan and gossip about someone else? Time is a rare and precious commodity, don’t waste yours or someone else’s because got seduced into judging others.

Time is a commodity that you can’t get back, be productive instead. Use your time wisely; read a book, learn a language, travel, see the world, learn to dance the salsa, volunteer at your local pet shelter, start a side business, learn a new skill, read a new book, learn sign language. Strengthen those mental muscles.

Even if you aren’t the one judging or criticizing and you are the one listening and haven’t stopped the rumor mill, you too are responsible for the type of energy you bring into an energetic interaction with someone, and you, too are responsible for the energy you permit into your reality. You are responsible and if you are partaking in it and you become part of the perpetual and defiling nature of gossip. Is that how you want your life to look?

Gossip just a story, just a perception, your perception. If you choose not to buy into that story and refrain from partaking in the nonsense, you have chosen your liberty and your freedom. And what a relief it is to not partake in carrying that burden.

YOU have amazing things to accomplish and goals to achieve. Don’t let critical judgment distract you from the greatest expression of who you are. Here’s the truth, unless you are inside that person’s head, you don’t have a clue what someone’s actual motives are.

You cannot know for sure why someone’s actions are they way they are, you can only make your best judgment or assumption. Why even waste your time and mental capacity trying? And you know what they say about making assumptions? So maybe it would be wise to keep your nose out of their business and get busy living your own life. If you have nothing nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.

Science now tells us that a retelling of an event that happened years ago is fifty percent untrue due to embellishments and judgments. Dr. Joe Dispenza. So, if you think that you are getting an honest recollection of someone else’s version of the story, think again. Why even bother to participate in it or even listen to it? Get on with your own life.

The magic and truth of your life is passing you by when you are so wrapped up in someone else’s life. You are missing out on the beauty and magic of the present moment when you are being seduced by critical judgment.

If you want to take the fast-track to change, then stop judging. Even if you saw it or heard it, the content is very subjective and open to interpretation and judgment. It’s just a story. Do you want to buy into their story or get on with your story and paint the picture of your own life? Gossip and critical judgment are destructive, it is unattractive and what people say about you is just a reflection of them and what you say about people is just a reflection of you.

If you want to be classy, be honest and authentic, then stop the cycle of judgment. Confident people don’t gossip. They know it just deters their dreams.

8. Negative People in Your Close Circle

Another thing to consider is spending your precious time with people who complain, nag, don’t do anything to grow and evolve, and are victims of their circumstances. You have to ask yourself the important questions; do they belong in your life? Or what are you so attached to that you cannot let them go? Birds of a feather flock together, energy flows down to the lowest common denominator, “You are the sum average of the 5 people with whom you spend the most time.” Jim Rohn

Here’s the short answer: Delete these people from your life. Success breeds success. And winners hang out with other winners. That’s the truth. Naggers choose to spend time with other people who nag and complainers because they have that in common, if you want to lose weight, they go hang out with those people who are doing it, if you want success, go find the successful people who are doing it and not just talking about it, they are called the movers and the shakers. You want them in your close circle. If you want to be inspired, find those people who are inspiring.

You are a product and you really are the sum of the 5 people with whom you spend the most time. If your average isn’t looking so good, you are going to have to UP your average now, aren’t you? If you have been letting your life be governed by mediocre, cease it immediately if you want to succeed.

If I’m a tennis player and I want to get better, do I play people who are not as good as I am and win, or am I going to have to play opponents that are better than I am in order to improve my skills? You get the picture, right?

In order to change, you have to change your mind. Did you forget that to change is to get uncomfortable and stretch beyond your ability to overcome your nonsense, to not quit on yourself and to trudge forward despite it being painfully difficult sometimes?

Your ego can be the best drama queen in the world. The sub-vocalizations and subconscious beliefs are relentless, it’s their job. They are the whispers and the voices we hear and they say “you can’t, you aren’t smart enough or good enough, you aren’t pretty enough, you had an awful childhood, you suck at life and have to keep torturing yourself because you couldn’t get over that past relationship, you are too short, too ugly, you don’t have enough money, you can’t, you aren’t educated enough, you didn’t graduate from college, blah blah blah blah blah. The list is endless. I know it is, I have believed many of those limitations only to stay stuck, lazy and restricted. Hit the MUTE button, and CEASE the internal drama.

YOU are standing in the way of “that” amazing life you keep dreaming about. Yes, YOU. Can you even stand it? So you are going to have to dig deep and get out of your own way and just go for it.

Put on your BRAVE face and push yourself to never before taken terrain of your own life. Yes, it’s hard, yes sometimes it sucks, yes you may lose some sleep, you will lose friends, but guess what, what is the alternative? You have no other choice, so just go DO IT. I believe in you.