You already know if you're spendy or frugal. But understanding why will help you have more fun and fewer fights with your mate.

You see your new BF’s pay stub and he makes, like, nothing. Your first reaction:

A. Who cares? Money isn’t that important to me.

B. How will we ever afford nice stuff/vacations/kids on that tiny salary?

If cold, hard cash doesn’t matter to you (answer A), ask yourself what does—maybe it’s experiences, like concerts or beach trips. Your guy should share your values but know that they can still be directly affected by his low pay. (Love doesn’t buy airfare!) Picked answer B? “It doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed,” says Amanda Clayman, a financial therapist in New York City. “It means you value financial security and you need to figure out how to get that with him.” If he’s in a career that will in time yield a bigger salary, problem solved. If not, could you be happy living on less or being the breadwinner? Be honest! It’s not shallow: If he’s not for you, better to know before things get serious.

You asked your guy for a loan to cover your rent. He doesn’t have the cash. You’re…

A. Bummed. Maybe your parents can help you out again?

B. Kinda relieved. At least you’re not the only broke one around here.

Circled A? It may mean you’re looking for others—your family, your BF, your friends—to take care of you so you don’t have to deal with your finances. Pick B, and you’re playing the ignore-it game, too. In both cases, says Farnoosh Torabi, host of the Yahoo! Web series Financially Fit, consider this a wake-up call to get a handle on your dough now—as in, before you make decisions that involve combining finances, such as shacking up. You wouldn’t want his money mistakes to affect you; chances are, he’d feel the same way about yours.

You live together. After a shopping spree, he asks, “Can you afford all that?”

A. You can. But you don’t want to discuss your spending with him.

B. “Yes, sweetie, it’s within my budget.” (Eye roll. How annoying!)

If you’re avoiding his question (A), it’s likely that talking about money makes you anxious, Clayman says. “Often this goes back to how you were raised: If your parents fought about money, you may be scared to go there.” But not talking money leads to suspicion and fights, too, so take a deep breath and calmly discuss. Find it irritating that he’s prying into your cash flow situation (B)? Being in a relationship means making concessions, like not making him worry that those new shoes leave you short on rent. Be forthcoming now, so that in the future you won’t have to defend how you spend.

You and your BF are booking a vacay. How do you handle the budget?

A. Let him deal with it—thinking about the cost will ruin all your fun.

B. I do all the planning.

Awesome if you’re happy to manage the money (B), but make sure it’s because you enjoy it, not because you need to control things. “If it’s the latter, it’s usually because you’re afraid of what will happen if you aren’t in charge,” Clayman says. “Keep him in the know, otherwise it can erode his trust in you.” If the budget stresses you out (A), know that burying your head in the sand is making your angst worse. “It fuels anxiety because you have no idea if you can afford it,” Clayman says. You don’t need the nitty-gritty, just big-picture numbers. When you know that poolside mai tai isn’t draining your savings, it tastes that much sweeter—promise!