Gold Member

This is a conversation I was having with a friend not too long ago and I think it makes for a very interesting LPSG discussion:

This thread is about how "real life" personalities and sex life personalities are so different, often entirely opposite. It is sometimes mentioned or humored that the shy girl is a dominatrix in bed or the arrogant business CEO likes to get tied up.

But here's the catch: These aren't two different people; they are simply two sides to the same individual.

So..... Why are there two sides?

Why not embrace both sides?

Is the taboo of sex too overwhelming to fully disclose your alternate preferences?

If this is what the brain truly wants in terms of pleasure, why not live only as your sexual personality?

I dont know if that is what you mean but... I have met this guy (older then me) and he have a lot of employees under him and he is a tough man at work. I'm just a student, so nobody to boss around, but I have a bit of a temper and I'm not very patient... So few times we were togeter, just as friend, and when I decide things to do or if I'm a bit bosse he tells me ''oh I like when you order me'' and stuff like that. So one night we were togeter at his house, a bit wasted, and he ask me to slap him, few times... Oki... and he like it. At one point he hold me thight on him, so I try to kiss him, but he push me away (supposetely straight dude), so I slap him fucking hard and I left lol

Gold Member

But here's the catch: These aren't two different people; they are simply two sides to the same individual.

So..... Why are there two sides?

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Why not? Maybe there are more.

Why not embrace both sides?

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Some people do. Not everyone is hiding their sexual proclivities.

Is the taboo of sex too overwhelming to fully disclose your alternate preferences?

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I think that depends on the individual. Some people have their reasons for keeping quiet about their preferences. Could be work, family, or other issues. Maybe they're just shy or don't feel the need to discuss it with anyone.

If this is what the brain truly wants in terms of pleasure, why not live only as your sexual personality?

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Humans can be wonderfully complex creatures. Sexuality is only a part of who we are. My sexuality is a part of my personality and probably display that more than I intend at times.

Who knows what makes people tic, some might just be experimenting exploring their sexuality (I've done that, took a little walk on the wild side with a partner), others might be releasing tension, yet some may have a real need for kink that could be tied to a past experience that drives the need to replay the experience perhaps with a twist, or maybe they have a desire to live out a fantasy. In my opinion there is nothing wrong with any of that.

Gold Member

So many people characterize the things they do when they're extremely turned on as "going further than I had expected" or "I don't normally do that, I got carried away". At times I wonder what that really means.

Maybe that they were so caught up in the moment that they lost track of their conscious thought and just let themselves go completely. I've done that in the throes of passion where you dial in on the senses and let the rest of the world fade away into oblivion for those brief moments. Although I will add that I've never done anything during sex that I was later ashamed of in any way.

Gold Member

So many people characterize the things they do when they're extremely turned on as "going further than I had expected" or "I don't normally do that, I got carried away". At times I wonder what that really means.

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They like surprises? :biggrin1:

I would suspect for some that means they aren't sure of their boundaries.

Gold Member

I think I'm the same personality in bed as I am in real life. If I were opposite I'd be more like a sub in bed and I'm definitely not.
It seems clear to me why a CEO would want to be tied up (or your average suburban husband). If you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders and you have to make decisions, and be responsible, and take the lead in every day life it seems natural to want to escape that.

Gold Member

It seems clear to me why a CEO would want to be tied up (or your average suburban husband). If you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders and you have to make decisions, and be responsible, and take the lead in every day life it seems natural to want to escape that.

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How is it that sex has evolved into that escape? Why not just take a vacation?

Gold Member

How is it that sex has evolved into that escape? Why not just take a vacation?

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hmmm....maybe some sort of infantile "comfort". If you asked a psychoanalytic thinker they would say that it's the id, the ego and the superego.
In fact the basic principals of psychoanalysis are:

-human behavior and thinking are largely determined by irrational drives;
-those drives are largely not conscious;
-attempt to bring those drives into awareness meets defense (resistance) in many different forms;

So I think it really has more to do with unconscious drives than someone being able to say "I'm stressed out, I'm going to Bermuda".

Mine is no secret really..not something I really share because I like it to come up organically. But I have a pretty strong personality in person and dominate a lot of what goes on around me (whether it be social conversation, work-related, etc)...I basically will do or say whatever I have to in order to sort of...control the situation at hand.

Sexually, I love to be dominated. I love being at someone else's mercy, having zero control...I have no idea why this is. And the reason I don't advertise this is because when I am with someone, I want them to genuinely be sexually controlling. I have no idea if there is any proper terminology for this....ehh.

Then why not just live out your desires when you get home....
Why must these manifest themselves as a fetish?

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Precisely because they are taboo!

Take the fact that now that gay men are far less prosecuted than they were decades ago, they can be far more open with sexuality.

Also, many cultures seperate the "adult" life from the "sexual" life. We presume all strangers to be asexual, mostly because we are not brought up or allowed through cultural norms (or some legal ones even) to express those kinds of thoughts and feelings.

After all, would you really work with someone who had a gorn fetish and gets off on watching women bleed to death? An extreme example, but it's more common than you think and they are the tip of the iceberg.

Anyways! I know for me I'm kind of quiet and shy in person, but I guess I am also sexual to where I can openly talk about ANYTHING involving sex and be comfortable. When it comes down to actually doing anything sexual, that shy and quietness disappears and I don't know exactly why, but it's amazing! lol

It's not 2 personalities I guess, it's just at that time the little stuff you worry or think about just doesn't matter anymore.

Anyways! I know for me I'm kind of quiet and shy in person, but I guess I am also sexual to where I can openly talk about ANYTHING involving sex and be comfortable. When it comes down to actually doing anything sexual, that shy and quietness disappears and I don't know exactly why, but it's amazing! lol

It's not 2 personalities I guess, it's just at that time the little stuff you worry or think about just doesn't matter anymore.

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Thank Pecker (the moderator) for it, it is a woodlouse. It suits my personality, they live in dark places and no one knows what the fuck they do! They also look rather cute when curled into little balls.

As for the topic itself. I suppose the point is that maybe because sex ISN'T the be-all and end all of our lives, that we choose to express them at different levels, literally "when mood takes us?" I am thinking more along the lines of the way people eat and drink and other important biological needs.