Knapp's Relational Development Model

This is a model of stages through which a relationship goes, within
the two make-and-break stages of coming together and coming apart
(Knapp, 1984).

Coming together

The first overall phase is of the development of the relationship to its
(hopefully long-term) peak.

Initiation

In the initial contact early impressions are made. Although these may be
inaccurate, they may well significantly influence whether the individuals want
to progress the relationship to a further stage.

For romantic relationships physical impressions of appearance, dress, smell
and so on are often important (for women too). General pleasantness is also
important for social and business relationships.

Experimentation

If the parties show initial interested, they may next start exploring,
looking for common interests, common acquaintances and other ground on which
they can meet and share.

In business relationships, there will also be investigation into what each
person brings to the table that will add value to the business of the other
person.

Intensifying

With enough in common, the people now start sharing more private information
and checking for reciprocal sharing by the other person that signals their
interest in deepening the relationship.

This stage may also include spending more time together, gift-giving and
declarations of affection. Advances may be made for further intimacy to test for
the desire take things further.

In business, this may include negotiation and contracting activity that will
lead up to value creation and exchange.

Integration

The two people now start seeing each other more often as they integrate a
number of parts of their lives. Romantically, this may include sexual
relationship and deep disclosure of shameful secrets.

In business, this is where they start working together with each getting
value from the arrangement, often directly financial or that will lead to
financial benefit.

Bonding

Finally, the two people are fully integrated in the bonding stage. Here they
make their unitary status known and may formalize it, for example through
marriage.

Other symbols of unending commitment may also include such as joint bank
accounts and having children.

In business, this includes partnership and trusting relations that reduce
transaction costs and add longer-term value.

Coming apart

Although in bonding the people intend to keep the relationship going forever,
sometimes this does not happen. In fact the divorce rate in a number of
countries is higher than ever.

Differentiating

At first, and with the pressures of living, the closely bonded joint
relationship starts to pull apart as the people have demands of different jobs,
different friends and different interests.

Romantically, after a couple of years, people are no longer floating on a
cloud and start to see themselves and the other person as individuals rather
than a tight couple.

In business, other customers, suppliers and work pressure start to reduce the
chance to meet. Individuals may also be looking to advancing their career.

Circumscribing

As the people pull apart, the focus moves towards setting boundaries and
delimiting differences. People have their own individual space, their own
possessions, their own friends and so on.

This can cause conflict, for example where both claim the same resource as
their own. Such argument only serves to push them apart faster. Knowing this,
they may avoid argument, but the differences still exist and work on the
individual psyches.

In business, there may be issues of quality and whether what is being
delivered is that which is really needed. Conflict may cause recourse to
contract details.

Stagnation

A stagnant relationship has reached the stage where separation is complete in
many ways, yet the relationship persists, perhaps through apathy, convenience or
other lack of need to completely separate.

In families, couples may stay together for the children even though their
relationship has reached rock bottom. If tensions continue, it can be a
difficult question as to whether separation is best or worst for the children.

In business, a stagnant relationship can lead to one or both parties
receiving significantly less value than they once got from the relationship.

Avoidance

At some point the people see each other less and less, often deliberately
avoiding contact. If they live together, one may go out whilst the other is in.
If they work together, they may move jobs or otherwise ignore each other.

In avoiding one another, one of the first things to go is eye contact (which
may have faded long ago anyway). Even when in the same room, they will try not
to look at one another.

Avoidance also happens in business, where people see sorting out of a
troublesome relationship or supplier as not in their current remit and so focus
first on the issues that affect their key performance indicators.

Termination

Finally the people pull apart and go their separate ways. If there is joint
ownership of houses, children and so on then this can be an acrimonious and
difficult stage.

In business, this includes terminating suppliers, sacking employees and
otherwise permanently breaking the relationship with the other person.

So what?

Notice these stages in the development and dissolution of your relationships.
If you want to accelerate towards bonding or termination then deliberately and
carefully move the relationship through the intermediate stages and avoid long
delays such as in stagnation.