Oh the agony without ecstasy to be the ‘other’ in a vast ocean those who have no idea how it is to cut off from family, culture, and those with whom they share genetic ties. And no matter how much those who took you in -who evidently loved you – and gave you opportunities, they cannot replace or return to you what you have lost. But no matter how much they have done for you, you have the right to search for your inheritance and to know who you are and from whom you came.

Remember this, knowing who your original parents is a human right-yours, not a separation or a censure of your adoptive ‘parents’. You are not ‘leaving’ as much as you are trying to include those absent from your life.

Do not let anyone steal your dreams like some entities have done with your identity. As you said it will be difficult to find your origins, but with effort it can be done. Others have done so, and you can too.

All adoptees have been abandoned, one way or another-whether left in the hospital, turne over to a social worker, or left a a local dog pound, as I was. In consequences we all have issues of abandonment and separation and that deep pain of why was I not wanted. All are as much disabilities as is being born with cerebral palsy as my son was, or with holes in a heart as my daughter was.

Friends come, and friends go, but you will always be yourself- in flux, in change, and in life and all of its vicissitudes, with a sense of loss and some pain because of what you have already experienced. So be your own best friend and reach for what you want most for yourself. You will always have tears, but like adversity, tears will make you strong.

Just know that many of us understand what you are going through and hopefully those many will wish for you the best you can obtain in your life-including discovering who you really are. You always have choices-choices that no one can take from you. Those who want to take your choices from you are neither friend or protectors.

You have a whole life in front of you, and I for one hope that you will discover who you are and where you belong.

I know my daughter was abandoned, but I only speak of her birth parents with love. It’s difficult to be apart from people that loved you so very much that they gave you to another family that would be able to take care of you and raise you to be all that you can be. It is because of them that you will bloom into all that you can be in this life and your birth parents are part of your body. They will always be a part of you. Their love lives inside you. We are just lucky to be able to experience you as our daughter and them as our loved ones. This is how we talk about it. Of course there is grieving of some way , shape or form and I am here for you when you grieve. I grieve too .

I sit with you as you grieve the loss of your original and biological family. I hold hope with you that your adoptive family will open their minds to the knowledge that your longing to know your origins is not based on a rejection of them but something wholly natural and for many, unpreventable. The best gift adoptive parents can give their child is full acceptance of who they are, including all their needs and desires for a complete identity. I sit with you in hopes for a brighter future where adoptees do not need to justify or explain away their need for the very same information and life experience everyone else already has…those from whence they came.