Previously peaceful rhetoric from “progressive” blogs The DailyKos and The Huffington Post turned to spiteful words for the Democratic candidates over the last week as the hopefuls held interviews with cable-news-channel-non-grata Fox News. Claiming it legitimizes what they see as right-wing media bias, the blogs aimed invective at Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton for courting actual viewers. “I don’t think that it is tenable to completely neglect or ignore what your base wants,” opined Ari Melber, correspondent for The Nation, another liberal hub in the New Media, “and our base definitely doesn’t want actual people to be exposed to our true agenda.”

Upstaged by Hillary Clinton’s real-life antics, we temporarily pause our satirical approach to report as deadpanned-ly as possible that the sole candidate with ovaries is out of touch with the regular Americans she claims to have always been one with. Perhaps the result of having missed her morning coffee, she gaffed on an interview with Fox’s Bill O’Reilly claiming that Democrat rival Barack Obama’s involvement with his anti-American and racist pastor Rev. Jeremiah Wright was not interesting to the American people (O’Reilly assured her that ratings are through the roof). She then proceeded to relate in a People magazine interview that her dream date (if approved by the philandering husband who never asked her approval for any of his own trysts) would be with a Republican (and a dead one at that). Finally, during a publicity stunt in support of her windfall profits tax proposal on Big Oil, she was forced to admit unfamiliarity with the mechanincal wonder called a gas pump, with the excuse that she hadn’t pumped her own gas in years. We won’t comment on whether it’s out of touch or not to not know what Red Bull is.