Monday, October 13, 2008

BI-POLAR BEAR.... GRRRRRRR

For some reason tonight I have been on the verge of tears. I just cannot explain it. This morning started with a low..... could not get myself going on anything. I felt like sitting in front of Food network and the Internet, and DO NOTHING. I heard a plop on the front porch and saw the F*dex truck leave my home. My first reaction was "no way... my referral!" Hey miracles do happen. Once I got my head out of the clouds, I realized it was for my re-finance and stuff that needed to be signed and fax off immediately. At least something got me going, and boy did it! What started as a low morning hit a high note and off I went accomplishing tasks that needed to be done for months. Shoe repair, replacing batteries in two watches, returned soon to be delinquent library books, bead store shopping, measuring for kitchen curtains.

I was on a high---rolling along--- doing stuff!!!

Oh, but how quickly I hit the top and started plummeting downhill. SO I am sitting back on the couch, TV on watching J*n and K*te plus eight, cruising the Internet and feeling very emotional.

Down and up and down.... kind of like a titter-totter.

I am by nature a pretty even tempered gal. Never such wide mood swings as I am experiencing now. I have so much on my plate right now- figuratively..... I am re-financing for the adoption and to do "home repairs". Once I close (hopefully tomorrow) the real fun will begin. Oh how I hate the wait for financial stuff!

The unknown, the when, the ifs, the how much.

I stare at all the projects that need to get done before Tate. I realize that this is kind of a continuous theme here at my old house.

While crusin' the net, I happened upon a rumor... mind you this early in the month these rumors are just that....RUMORS! Rumor has it that there will be a possibility of 15 days of referrals. SO I pull out the old calender just to see. Now it has been established that, I am not a mathematician, so I actually did count the days. If they finish the rest of February 16 2006 and do 15 days worth....

OH.MY.HECK....

This would put referrals through March 2..... which would mean only 5 more days and they would have matched me to my gal! With this gem of knowledge, you would think that I would be screaming from the top of our Rocky Mountains.... NO SUCH A THING! I am at the perils of TEARS...

Sobby, emotional tears

Too much on my plate, I tell you! I am off to bed and HOPE that the night's slumber will ease me awake to happy days tomorrow.

22 comments:

Ohhhh no, you read that rumor on my blog and it made you cry! I feel awful!!! I hope you have a better day today. I can't wait until this waiting finally comes to an end....It sure can mess with a persons emotions. ((hugs))

The first time around, with the Tongginator, the closer I got to becoming a mommy, the more I freaked out. One thing that really, really, really helped me was reading the book post-adoption blues by Karen Foli. I should have read it BEFORE referral and/or travel, then again a couple of times after we came home.

Ahh, yes, perfectly normal. Your dream is about to become to realized - there is a whole lot of terror in that! I remember the weeks leading up to referral day being the same way. I know that doesn't make it any better but I hope it helps knowing it is perfectly normal.Ginny

I remember those days. Hang in there. You'll be ok. It's sooo hard waiting and waiting and waiting and never knowing what was going to happen next. It's a miracle that a gang of would be adoptive parents haven't stormed a Chinese embassy some where. Honestly!! LOL Big hug to you!

I think you are doing great, look how far you have come on this road...you are almost there. My heart stopped when you mentioned the FedEx truck, wooo. Anyway, I know it doesn't seem like it, but a ton of joy is coming your way.

You just described a typical day for me :) I hate those rumors. That's why I stopped following them. I think it is perfectly normal to be this close to your dream and have these feelings. I know it's not fun though. You are in my thoughts!

It must be going around right now, because I have been a mess myself lately!!

Sometimes I think the closer you get the more real it becomes...it is exciting and scary at the same time!

I did not see this rumor yet, I am heading over now, but I did receive an interesting email about the I600 and I800...did you see that one? It looks like things are looking up and we can all stop obsessing about the new forms and processes!!!

Oh, I can't tell you the crying jags (over not finding the ranch dressing in the grocery store?!) that I've experienced over the past month. At least soon your tears will be of joy and anticipation. =) Hugs to you.

Lisa~Emotions are normal and you are almost a mom, which I understand is an extreamly emotional job!!! Can't wait to see the 2 of you together! I love the rumor of 15 days!!!MichelleIllinoisLID 3/8/07 for Raegan!

I can't imagine what it's like to be that close to referral. I am emotionally up and down and I am so far away.....I am sure I'll be on pins and needles when it gets that close. Take care of yourself - the wait is almost over.