Queen May Prepares to Obliterate the Opposition

There is something strange going on in British politics. Theresa May, Britain’s unelected Brexit queen, can’t stop collecting voters. She says she wants to leave the single market and the customs union. More voters! Her MPs become embroiled in accusations of electoral fraud. More voters! She says she won’t call a general election and then executes a swiveling U-turn. More voters! If the sight of Boris Johnson and Michael Gove sweatily jostling it out to be the post-Brexit prime minister didn't render the majority of the U.K.’s electorate permanently queasy, the sight of May holding hands with Donald Trump should have immutably offended the sensibilities of traditional Tories. Not so. Just two weeks into her election campaign and a clutch of polls have suggested Conservative support hovers at around 50%, and has doubled its lead over Labour. If the predictions are even faintly replicated, May is set for a landslide victory on June 8.

The options facing Remainers—the so-called 48%—are limited. The prime minister’s offer of strong and stable leadership is alluring. May will get her mandate. But beyond this overarching certainty, there is a looming uncertainty set to shape the future of British politics: what form the opposition will take. Here, the Lib Dems, obliterated in the last general election, are well-positioned, positing themselves as the only liberal, anti-Brexit force capable of keeping May’s party in check. “What Britain needs in this election is clarity and a contest,” said their leader Tim Farron. “Theresa May has called this election because she believes it’ll be a coronation.” In a savvy move, he has distinguished his party from both Labour and the Conservatives by ruling out the possibility of a coalition with either. From May’s perspective, this could prevent her from retaining liberal-leaning voters via the threat of a Corbyn coalition.

The prospect of Corbyn winning is less of a threat, more a barely-debated concept. The parties are yet to publish their manifestos but Damien Green, Work and Pensions Secretary, said the Tory manifesto will include a cap on household energy bills. Clearly, May is busy cheerfully invading Labour territory. “Where were these people for last four years since I proposed cap?” asked former Labour leader Ed Milliband on Twitter, previously lambasted by the right-leaning press for a similar proposal. Meanwhile, the latest manifestation of Corbyn's whatever-you-do-don’t-talk-about-Brexit tactic saw him arguing for four more bank holidays on live television, and floundering on the subject of renewing the U.K.'s Trident nuclear deterrent. For Labour, the question is not whether they will lose, but how they will lose. MPs are facing an uncertain toss-up that could land either side of a very fine thread. Too much of a loss could trigger a party split, and end Labour as we know it. The formation of another, cohesive opposition could take years. For some, desperate to get rid of Corbyn, a loss might give them their long-awaited opportunity. Corbyn is not one to lead by convention but, conventionally, he would step-down, or be pushed down. Alternatively, expectation for Corbyn's performance is dismally low. If he exceeds assumption, his supporters—who have proved loyal—could well vote him back in; thus again locking the party into its steady, introverted state of decline.

Britain's general election is less about its winner than its losers. As May enters the unknown territory of Brexit negotiations, sets out the U.K.'s forthcoming domestic agenda, and carves its role in the increasingly febrile international landscape, the role of a strident, experienced, functioning opposition is increasingly important, and increasingly unlikely.

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Mummy May

Theresa May’s attempts to prevent the Tory’s exuding an aristocratic ambience are being hampered by claims that some of her more traditional MPs have taken to calling her Mummy. “Had second old school Tory MP - in all seriousness - refer to the Prime Minister as "mummy" on the phone today,” tweeted Harry Cole of the Sun newspaper. “That's twice in a week.”

UKIP push to ban the burqa

Paul Nuttall, leader of UKIP, has said his party will campaign to ban the burqa and Sharia courts—a stance that surprised few but unsettled many. His primary objection to burqas, he said, was pragmatic. The U.K. has the most CCTV cameras in the world. If you can’t see someone’s face, well, how can they do their job effectively? “I can’t walk into a bank with a balaclava on or a crash helmet,” he said, displaying the fluent grasp of social complexity gifted to so many UKIP males. “I don’t see why there are special interests for certain people.” Besides, it’s a well-known fact that women, a.k.a burqa-wearers, pose a far greater threat to society’s security than men.

Wildly inappropriate

When a wild creature is trapped in a corner, it is said to charge. Grisela Allen, Scottish member of the MP-less UKIP—has instead broken into some sort of lame, sensationalist trot. A fan of the death penalty—“if I could get the guillotine, lethal injection or firing squad I would gladly have it”—she also wants to castrate violent criminals. (“You castrate bulls, horses, dogs—it takes the aggression away.”) Clearly believing her references to the animal kingdom to be effective, she turned to gorillas to help her articulate her opinion on the LGBT community, arguing she doesn’t talk about the fact she finds gorillas very attractive– they make her “hormones go crazy”—so why should gay, lesbian or bisexual people feel entitled to talk about their sex life?

Trump’s state visit set to be as well-balanced as May can make it

Those happening upon Westminster in the early mornings might chance upon the surprise sight of Theresa May, silhouetted against the rising sun, furiously speeding a small agricultural roller over the paving stones of Westminster. The reason? To ruthlessly flatten out any bump, crack or inconsistency in sight, and make London as slope-free as possible in the build-up to Donald Trump’s impending state visit. It’s in her interest: the last thing she wants—personally and publicly—is to be photographed (again) holding the small hand of the slope-and-stairs phobic president as he fearfully ascends an unknown incline.

Blair and Brexit

Tony Blair, the former Labour prime minister branded George Bush’s poodle, has been seen circling Westminster for some time now. Now, speaking to the BBC, he said he felt so passionately about Brexit, he had been “tempted” to return to British politics. Insisting Brexit was bigger than party allegiance, he urged voters to find out where their candidates stood on the issue and vote accordingly. May’s position on Brexit, he said, was unreasonable. “We are allowing ourselves to be hijacked by a small group of people with a very strong ideology. They should not be allowed to just take this party where they will.” Blair, whose legacy is the Iraq war, could come under pot-kettle-black criticism for this, but, also, speaking for the Remain camp, he could offer some clarity where there is little.

Hope not Hate sues Farage—for hate

Nigel Farage, former UKIP leader, has been hit with a High Court claim for damages of up to £100,000 from campaign group Hope not Hate, after he accused the organization of pursuing “violent and undemocratic means”. Nick Lowles, Chief Executive of the group, which campaigns for social harmony, said: “This case is not about money. It’s about Hope not Hate saying no more to Nigel Farage’s fake news. We are an avowedly peaceful organisation and Nigel Farage’s lies are deeply damaging to the vital work we do bringing communities together across cultural and religious divides.”