How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back

Welcome to the ultimate guide to using text messages to get back together with your ex girlfriend.

When I started writing this guide I literally thought to myself,

“What if there was an entire guide that taught men everything that they would ever need to know about texting their ex girlfriend?”

Naturally, I got curious to see if such a guide existed online right now and I was shocked to learn that one hadn’t been created yet. I mean sure, some webmasters out there have created “texting guides” but the truth is that they aren’t really worth your time to read because they don’t cover everything that needs to be covered.

So, I am about to remedy that problem with this guide!

This page has one goal, to teach you everything you will ever need to know about texting.

Can You Text Your Ex Back?

Look, I am going to get bold here and say that never before has a guide this in-depth been created (and given out for free on the internet) for men wanting to understand exactly what to text to their ex girlfriends. However, with that being said there is a flaw with this guide, that’s all that it covers.

The reason that you are here is because you want your ex girlfriend back. While knowing what to say to her via text messages is an important part of the process there is a lot more to winning her back then that. If you would like the actual step by step method that you should employ to get her back I suggest you take a good hard look at a guide called, The Texting Bible.

With that guide not only will you gain more insight into what you should text your ex to get her back but it will show you everything that you need to do in order to win her back. In other words, it will hold you hand throughout the entire process.

Not to mention that it has over 250 example texts that you can use!

Do You Even Have a Chance of Getting Your Ex Back? Find out in 2 Minutes...

Hey, I am not trying to judge you here. I have been angry before and have said stuff I really didn’t mean to just get a “shot” in but the thing you have to understand about people is that they typically gravitate towards things that make them feel good.

In other words, the more your ex girlfriend associates bad feelings with you the less likely she will come back to you. It’s as simple as that.

Begging For Your Ex Girlfriend Back

Explain something to me.

What girl finds a guy begging for her attractive?

Sure, there may be some out there but generally women want their men to be… well, men and the thing about men is they don’t beg. Besides, have some self respect for yourself. It is literally pathetic when you start begging a girl to be with you.

Look, with this guide I am going to teach you to do something so much more powerful than begging.

I am going to be teaching you how to influence your ex to take you back so she thinks it was her idea when the fact was that it was your influence that got her to get back with you.

So, When Is The Right Time To Text Your Girlfriend?

I kind of got off track there a little bit didn’t I?

Well, let me just say this. Having an intense conversation with your ex right after a breakup is not a good idea. In fact, I think it is one of the dumbest ideas there is. Now, I do realize that logically you may realize that this is the case but when you are actually in a situation that you have so much invested in it is hard to take a step back and think logically.

Just know that most of the time texting your ex immediately after a breakup is a bad idea.

The No Contact Rule- A set period of time where you don’t talk, text or call your girlfriend at all. Generally, there are three different NC “rules.” A 21 day rule, a 30 day rule and a 45 day rule. See my super post to learn more about which rule fits your situation best.

The advantage of using a no contact rule before you text your ex is the fact that you can kind of get her on the ropes a little bit.

What do you think I mean by that?

Imagine that you were to use the 21 day no contact rule on your ex girlfriend. Around day 6 she sends you a pretty generic text message. You know, something like,

“Hey..”

For the next few hours she is constantly checking her phone waiting for a response except you are doing the 21 day NC which means a response won’t come. This angers her and she swears to “make you pay.” Of course, we all know that women are emotional creatures so around day 14 into no contact you get another message from her. Except this time instead of a generic “hey” it is an emotional message and you are really tempted to respond to it but you don’t because you are sticking to your original plan.

Of course, since you didn’t respond to her emotional message she is hurt and promises to never text you again for the rest of her life which she articulates to you in a text 😉 . You don’t freak out because like I said women are emotional creatures.

Deep down she desperately wants to hear from you. You are the only cure to the pain she is feeling.

It is at this point that you want to contact her. When YOU become the only cure for her depression.. her sadness.

Have A Clear “Big Picture” Goal When Texting Her

While this page is dedicated to text messages it is important to remember that the overall goal you are trying to achieve here is not to just learn how to text your ex girlfriend it’s to actually get her back.

While it is not impossible to get your ex girlfriend back through text messages it is highly unlikely.

“Wait… WHAT???”

Getting an ex girlfriend back is probably not going to be done strictly through text messages. It will probably take conversations on the phone and in person to achieve that goal. So, I think it’s best if you manage your expectations when it comes to texting. Rather than viewing it as the “go to” tactic for getting her back the smarter way to approach it is to view it as a stepping stone to getting her back.

What Is The “Goal” Of Texting Your Ex?

In my massive 12,000 word guide on how to get your ex girlfriend back I talk a lot about having a game plan.

Now, while I definitely recommend that you read that guide I am going to assume you are lazy and won’t (because let’s be honest you are.) So, what I am going to do is give you a brief overview of the “game plan” that I laid out to recover your girlfriend.

Texting/Attraction = Phone Call/Attraction = Date/Reconnection

What does any of that mean?

After the no contact rule you will use texts to build attraction which should eventually lead to a phone call where you will build attraction and by then you will have built up enough attraction to earn yourself a date. Obviously the process is a lot more complicated but that is the brief overview.

Now, at this point you may be wondering,

“What does any of this have to do with this guide?”

Well, this guide looks specifically at the “Texting/Attraction” part of the strategy. In other words, this is the go to guide for teaching you exactly what to say through text messages to start the overall process out. But is that the goal? To build or rebuild attraction with your ex girlfriend?

Well, yes and no.

While rebuilding attraction is essential for getting your ex girlfriend back it isn’t the main goal you are trying to accomplish here.

Remember, the main goal is to advance from:

Texting/Attraction to Phone Call/Attraction or if you are lucky Date/Reconnection.

It just so happens that building attraction through texting is how you advance to the next level of the game plan.

Again, you should really check out that massive guide I put together because it will explain things better than I can in the short amount of space I dedicated to it here.

Understanding The Basics Of Text Conversations

(Need a step by step guide to get your ex girlfriend back? Check out The Texting Bible.)

Before I can start getting into the tactics that you can use to help move the reconnection process along there are a few things I need to teach you about text messages. I entitled this section “the basics of text conversations” because I feel there is a lot you need to understand about the basics of this process before you take any major steps like text messaging your ex.

So, what is the first thing we are going to cover?

Hmm… how about word count?

Word Count

I have an interesting question for you.

How much do you think word count matters when you are texting an ex girlfriend?

It’s such a simple question right? And yet the answer tends to be quite complicated.

It is best if you don’t view word count in those terms. Rather, word count should be looked at as a “check” to see just how interested the person is in what you have to say. For example, if you send a text message to your ex girlfriend that is about 25 words and she responds with a 1 word answer that might be a little troubling. Sure, maybe she was busy when you sent that text and she didn’t have time to write a proper response but imagine if this trend was consistent throughout the history of your conversations as of late. Chances are probably high that she is not too invested in what you have to say (or she is just really pi**ed about something.)

My point here is that word count and how interested a person is in what you have to say can have a direct correlation most of the time.

“Wait, what do you mean “most of the time?”

Well, there will always be those women who get busy while they are:

At work

With friends

Out and about

You get the idea

The point is that you can’t automatically assume that just because you got a one word response ONE time from your ex it means that she isn’t interested in what you have to say. It could mean she was just super busy or that she didn’t quite know how to respond.

What you need to be looking at is the overall trend.

Like I said above. If you are consistently getting a one word text message response from her THEN you have a right to be worried.

Response Time

It’s interesting to me that no one really ever talks about the importance of response time when it comes to getting your ex girlfriend back. Most of the “experts” out there just focus on what texts to send. However, just figuring out what type of text messages to send is not going to help you understand the entire situation.

In this section I am going to teach you everything that you will need to know about response time when it comes to using text messages.

Now, before I really get started here I do want to say that not everything I say in this section will hold true to you. Look, your ex girlfriend is a human being and human beings are notoriously hard to predict. What I will be talking about in this section should give you insight into your ex but in the end every single man reading this will be in a different position because every girl out there is unique and what is talked about in this section is a generalization of women.

So, it is best to look at the information here as a “guideline” rather than a set rule.

Consider yourself warned.

The Basics Of Response Time

It is best to look at response time as a gauge of how interested the other party is in what you are saying (just like word count.) For example, in my book, I give an example where I was texting a girl and I responded to her texts every few hours. Based on that you can assume that I am not very interested in what she is saying. However, if I was texting a girl that I was very interested in and I responded to her texts every few minutes then I am definitely engaged in what she is saying.

Deep down this isn’t anything new. Pretty much everyone on planet earth with a cell phone knows this.

But what about when you apply this knowledge to your ex girlfriend?

Well, then things tend to get more complicated. Since you dated this girl we can assume that at one point you were her top priority when it came to texting.

Sure, she may have texted her friends a lot but during the high point of your relationship you were probably priority number one to her.

Immediately after a breakup do you think you are still a top priority to her?

Well, that depends on how bad the breakup was. Obviously if the breakup was really bad then she may not want to talk to you and you will have to earn the right to get those quick responses from her again. However, I would say that in most cases she will be willing to talk to you and respond pretty quickly if the breakup wasn’t horrible.

Of course, the question that is probably on your mind is,

“What do I do to earn back the right of quick responses if the breakup was really bad?”

Don’t worry, that is what this entire guide is for and I will be giving you the step by step plan on texting her a little later. First though, I would like to move on to how you can use response time to your advantage.

Using Response Time To Your Advantage

What do you think is better.

Rushing things when it comes to text messages?

or

Slowly building the anticipation so that you can almost get a guaranteed quick response?

I vote building up anticipation.

There is a way in which you can do this through the use of a text message to get a quick response and ironically it all has to do with your own response time. The fastest way to get a quick response from a girl is to build up the anticipation through text messages so that she is constantly waiting for your response to her text.

Pretty simple idea right?

Well, putting it into practice can be really tough because there are two battles that you are going to be fighting. The first battle is going to be the most obvious one in that you have to get her connected in a conversation with you. The second battle is going to be going on inside of YOU! It is the fact that discipline is going to be required to pull this off.

So, how does this anticipation “response” strategy work?

Your first goal is to engage your ex girlfriend in a text conversation. What you are going to be doing is looking for one specific text message. This text message has to be sent from her and it has to be one where she opens up emotionally or really wants an answer from you about something.

My recommendation is to look at the word count (yes the word count) of her text message. The longer the word count the better the text message to “pick.”

Lets say that you have accomplished this. You have engaged her in a texting conversation and you picked out a text that she sent that was high in word count and emotional (the more emotional the better.) Once you have your pick I want you to ignore this text message for:

30 – 60 Minutes!

Do you have that? Ignore her text message for half an hour to an hour.

Why do you want to do that?

Well, this is how the anticipation is going to be built. She will check her phone constantly waiting for your response. Heck, she may even get angry because she feels you are ignoring her (and women hate being ignored.) Of course, when your response finally does come 30 – 60 minutes later she will be absolutely thrilled.

What you will have successfully done if you pull this off is that you just made her realize how much she wants to hear from you and her response time should be quicker from that point on.

THAT is how you use response time to your advantage

When To End Texting Conversations

Have you ever texted someone and intensely waited for a response?

You wait for what seems like an eternity (5 minutes) and you constantly check your phone waiting for that text message to hit but it never does. Now 30 minutes have passed without a response and you think to yourself,

“OH MY GOD… I will be alone forever. Why does my life suck??”

Essentially, if you are put in this position where you desperately want a text response you are left wanting more. This is a concept that I want you to wrap your head around because it is so important when it comes to ending texting conversations with your ex girlfriend.

I know this is a lot to swallow so lets just focus on the “wanting more” part for now. I will get to when to end the conversation later.

Why You Want To Leave Her Wanting More

Re-read the beginning of the section above.

You know, the part where I go on and on about how you desperately want a person to text you back but they won’t. If you are in that frame of mind then you are left wanting more. Now, imagine if you could do that to your ex girlfriend so she is literally anticipating your text.

This idea is something that I can’t really take credit for.

No, I am afraid I am going to have to give credit to pretty much every girl that has ever rejected me because every single one has successfully been able to do this to me.

If you end a texting conversation with your ex girlfriend and you successfully leave her wanting more here is what will happen.

First – She will probably look at her phone multiple times waiting for you to respond (if you follow my directions in the section after this.)

Second – When you do decide to message her again (either later in the day or the next day) she will respond very quickly to your text message.

Third – It is going to give you the power. What do I mean by this? Simple, if you leave her wanting more then that means to her YOU are the only want who can satisfy her emotional hunger.

As you can see there are a lot of advantages to ending a conversation where she wants more.

I guess now the question becomes HOW do you do it?

How To Leave Her Wanting More

Understanding how to leave your ex girlfriend wanting more is actually quite easy. But pulling it off is an entirely different story.

What If You Knew EXACTLY What to Text, How to Respond, and How to Make Her Go Crazy Waiting for a Reply…

Let me start off by saying that in order to leave your ex girlfriend wanting more she is going to have to be invested in a texting conversation. How will you know if she is invested. Well, you can look at things like response time and word count (which I covered above.)

The X factor here is how emotionally engaged in the conversation she is. In other words, if she is responding quickly with rather long messages it still might not mean she is emotionally engaged in the conversation. How can you tell if a girl is emotionally engaged in the conversation?

The truth is I really don’t know.

My best advice is that you have to feel it out. Generally, if you are responding emotionally to her messages then she is probably responding emotionally to yours. The key to leaving her wanting more is finding the high point of the emotional conversation. In other words, you need to keep an eye out for a text message that satisfy all three characteristics.

It has a high word count (25-60)

It has a relatively quick response time (1-5 minutes.)

It has to be emotional (you have to feel this one out buddy.)

So, lets say that I am texting a girl. The two of us are texting pretty frequently. Eventually I get to a point in the conversation where I find a string of text messages that satisfy all of the three characteristics I just talked about. It is at this point that I should end the conversation because that girl would be left wanting more.

The idea is to find a string of text messages that satisfy the BIG three characteristics. Once you find it then that is when you should end the conversation on a high note because that is how you leave someone wanting more.

Now, there is one thing I would like to point out.

Lets pretend that the string of text messages that have all three characteristics but are a bit negative (again, this is something you have to feel out.) Do you think you should end the conversation there?

NO, whatever you do, do not end the conversation on a negative note. If you do then that means you have just left your girl NOT wanting more. The idea is to end the conversation on a positive note because then she will associate the good feelings she has gotten throughout the conversation with you.

As you can see the “theory” is actually pretty easy to grasp but trust me when I say that it can be quite the challenge to put it into practice.

The Four Responses You Can Get While Texting

Well, since the four responses directly relates to texting it only makes sense that I talk about them again within this guide. Of course, I am going to be going a lot more in-depth on them and I will also teach you exactly what you are supposed to do when you get each response.

Lets get this party started.

Positive Response

I wanted to start out with the best possible outcome to a text and work down from there.

Obviously, the best type of text response you could get is a positive response. This is basically a text message that would look like this:

This one is pretty self explanatory. You text your ex girlfriend and she responds with a message that is clearly positive. It is happy, upbeat and might even make you smile. Messages like this are pretty much the holy grail when you deal with your ex girlfriend.

Think of it like this.

Every single time you get a positive response to a text message you are slowly inching closer to your goal of getting your ex girlfriend back.

What Do You Need To Do If You Get A Positive Response?

This one is pretty simple. You can either advance the conversation or end the conversation. Generally, I am a fan of advancing the conversation. The only difference when it comes to that is when you are sending your first text after the no contact period is over (which I will talk about in a minute.)

Let’s move on to the next type of response, neutral responses.

Neutral Response

Neutral responses are pretty self explanatory. You send a text message to your ex girlfriend and instead of responding positively she responds in a neutral type of way.

I realize that it is a little hard to explain so I think it would be best if I just showed you:

So, in the mock example above the man sent a pretty harmless text message to Georgia.

“Hi Georgia, I hope you are doing well.”

Rather than responding to that text message in a positive way Georgia decided to use a one word text message,

“Yes..”

You will find that a lot of neutral responses are one word text messages.

What Do You Need To Do If You Get A Neutral Response

The challenge that you are going to face is that you are going to have to decipher if the message you got was a neutral response or just a fake neutral response. I want you to imagine something for a moment. Lets say that you and your ex girlfriend are texting pretty frequently. The two of you are responding at a pretty good clip (meaning both of you are responding to one another.) I think in this case when she has already proven that she is responding to you in a frequent manner you don’t have to pay as much attention to neutral responses if they are in the middle of a texting conversation.

However, when you are starting a conversation and you get a neutral response then you need to pay attention because that means you probably shouldn’t engage her for a while. Let some time pass before you respond.

How much time?

Well, generally I would say 2-24 hours. How long is up to you.

Lets move on to negative responses.

Negative Response

Negative responses suck.

There is no way around that fact. If you get a negative response then you have definitely done something wrong (either that or your ex girlfriend is really crazy.)

What does a negative response look like?

Ouch!

If you are getting a response like that from your ex then you have some serious work to do.

In my experience, negative responses (when dealing with exes) usually always revolve around how bad the breakup was. The worse the breakup the worse the responses tend to be.

What constitutes a bad breakup?

If there was a lot of yelling, name calling, things thrown and mental warfare from both sides then I think you had yourself a pretty bad breakup.

What Do You Need To Do If You Get A Negative Response?

Have you ever heard that quote.

Time heals all wounds?

Well, we are going to really put that into practice here. The mistake I see most men making is the fact that they are unable to remain classy when they get a negative response.

Hey, no judgement at all here. I totally get what you are feeling when you get a negative response. Nevertheless, this is a time to let your class speak for itself. If you do get a negative response apologize for the inconvenience you caused and then do not text her back.

Don’t worry, you will text her eventually but it is going to have to be later down the road when her emotions have settled in a bit.

Lets move on to the final texting response that you can get, no response at all.

No Response

In my opinion, this is probably the worst type of response you can encounter.

What I would like to talk about now are the different degrees of “no response.” In my opinion, there are two types of no response meanings. Lets start with the most positive outlook when it comes to NR (no response.)

Imagine for a moment that you and your ex girlfriend are having a texting conversation. Lets say that the two of you text for about 2 hours. After two hours you send a text message and she doesn’t respond to it. Technically, this is a “no response” type of outcome. However, do you think in this case it would be negative?

I mean, you did text her for two hours straight. In all honesty, that is pretty good. I think in this particular case a NR isn’t all that horrible. It’s not ideal (usually YOU should end the conversation first but we can survive with this.)

What you really need to watch out for is the NR when you reach out to start a conversation.

That would look like this:

Having this happen to you is probably the worst type of outcome. Lets take a look at how you are supposed to deal with it.

What Do You Need To Do If You Get No Response?

If you don’t get a response when you initially reach out don’t panic. Most men think that the world is ending. Trust me when I say it’s not. Heck, look outside the window right now if you need re-assurance. Not getting a response sucks but it can also tell you two things.

That your ex needs more time before she can talk to you. So, give her that time.

You may need to come up with a more compelling text message.

Coincidentally that is what the next section is all about, the first text after no contact.

Your First Text Message After NC

Assuming you have followed my instructions (by implementing a no contact rule) the first type of communication you are going to have with your ex girlfriend after the no contact rule is going to be done through a text message.

Why do you think a text message is better than something like a phone call?

Generally speaking a text message will yield a higher response rate and also a phone call after a no contact rule may seem out of place.

Hey, I am a huge fan of surprises but when it comes to this stuff surprises are never a good thing. I mean, look at it from her perspective. For the past month you have essentially ignored her and then all of a sudden she gets a phone call.

While she may be excited it is too much too soon.

Oh, and in case you forgot the main goal of this entire guide is to use text messages so you can advance to a phone call or a date. However, in order to do that you have to rebuild some trust and create some rapport. Don’t be the eager schoolboy ready to rush things. Be the man ready to advance thing at a comfortable pace.

This leads us back to the first text message you send after the no contact rule has been completed.

So Good It’s Impossible For Her To Not Respond

When it comes to first text messages your main goal is to get a positive response from your girlfriend.

In other words, your text message has to be so intriguing that she can’t not respond to it. Seems relatively simple right? Well, here is where things get a little trickier. Our goal here isn’t to bull rush her with something super emotional. No, we are going to take the slow and steady approach.

You are going to have to stay away from the following topics in your text message:

Your previous relationship with her.

Anything mean spirited.

Anything controversial.

Her new boyfriend (if she has one.)

So, what can you talk about? In my experience, your best bet is to go with something that reminded you of your ex. Something like a TV show, restaurant or sporting event. Let me give you an example using a TV show.

Basically the way it works is that you say that a TV show that you and your girlfriend used to watch reminded you of her. It is intriguing, non controversial and it should be enough to get her to respond. Of course, there is always the possibility that she won’t respond to you.

If you send a text similar to the example above and she doesn’t respond then don’t freak out. You aren’t out of the game yet. While it is a little bit of a setback I am going to tell you exactly what you should do. First things first, in the event that she completely ignores your text message wait about a week before you try anything else.

That means you need to slip back into no contact for 7 days (EVEN if she gets back to you on day 5 of that no contact.) After the 7 days is up it is time to send something that should yield a response 95% of the time. Something that I like to call the “Something I Have To Tell You” text.

The way this texts works is pretty darn simple.

Now, I don’t know about you but if someone texted this to me I would respond immediately fearing the worst. It is only human nature to fear the worst.

If your ex girlfriend receives this text then it will only be natural for her mind to be racing with possibilities.

“Did he cheat on me while we were together?”

or

“What if he is about to drop a bombshell?”

I want you to let these thoughts marinate in her mind for a bet. I realize that is a really cruel game to play but there is a method to this madness. While it may cause her extreme anxiety for a while it will also make her realize how much she cares about you and that is what you want.

Wait about 30 minutes after she responds to the text. That should be enough time to let her sit and worry for a bit. Of course, what happens next is where the real challenge lies.

What do you say to her?

Well, it can’t be controversial and it can’t be too emotional. However, it does have to pack a punch and make her interested enough to respond back. So, what do you say?

Hmm.. how about something like this:

Notice how the mention of the dog makes the entire statement non controversial.

Ideally what will happen is that she will be relieved when she reads the “something” that you had to tell her. The idea is to shock her with the initial “I have something to tell you” and then awe her with what you have to tell her.

Shock and awe man..

Shock and awe.

When To End The Conversation?

Lets pretend things go your way.

You have completed a no contact period with no slip ups. You have sent your first text after the no contact period and gotten a response. Essentially, you have followed the plans I have laid out here to a T and they worked for you perfectly.

There are still a few questions that we need to have answered.

Firstly, how long should you stay in a conversation with your ex for? Secondly, when should you end the conversation?

Answer to question one: Not long

Answer to question two: Very soon.

Alright, It should be ok if you engage your ex in a small conversation. What do I mean by small? I am talking about 2-3 text messages maximum.

However, if you really want my opinion I think you should end the conversation immediately. In other words, after you get a response from your first text message after NC you simply don’t respond or you say something like,

“Hey, I have a meeting coming up soon let me text you later.”

You want to end the conversation on your terms and get back to her at a later date. Remember, this is not meant to be a process where you accomplish everything you want to accomplish in a matter of hours. Rather, you accomplish it in a matter of weeks or months but trust me when I say if you are patient the strategies outlined on this page can be extremely effective.

Lets move on to the “re-building rapport” section.

Re-Building Rapport With Your Ex Girlfriend

(Want more advice on getting your girlfriend back in record time? Check out The Texting Bible.)

After you have sent the initial “first text” after the no contact period you should wait a few days and turn your attention to re-building some rapport with your ex girlfriend. Now, I have thought about how best to explain this to you and finally I settled on this statement.

Rapport is something that you have to earn and you earn it with a slow ascent of text messages that build trust.

I want you to think back to when you first met your ex girlfriend. Back when the two of you weren’t dating yet but you were in that “talking” stage. My guess is that building rapport was easy. No history had been written for the two of you yet so both of you got along great.

The situation you find yourself in now is that a breakup occurred between you and your ex girlfriend and that can cause some awkwardness when it comes to texting. Seriously, don’t underestimate the negative impact that a breakup can have on text messaging.

So, how are you supposed to overcome this roadblock?

Simple, with a slow and steady approach. Ok, most men who make it this far screw up royally because they go too fast. Re-building rapport with your ex when it comes to texting is almost the same as re-building trust. It isn’t going to happen overnight but if you slowly advance things you can see some fantastic results.

I want to give you a brief overview of what you should do to rebuild the rapport with your ex.

The Overview

You send your first initial text after the no contact rule and ended the conversation very quickly.

Your next text message should be sent about 1-3 days after the first initial text message after no contact. You should also look to extend the conversation a little bit deeper this time.

After that conversion ends I want you to wait a day before you start up another conversation. You don’t want to seem to available. Also, you should look to extend this conversation even deeper.

Again, I want you to wait a day before you start another conversation. This time you can really let loose and carry on the conversation for as long as you want (try to end the conversation first though.)

The very next day I want you to start a conversation with your girlfriend. Again, it can last for as long as you want.

There are a couple of things that I want you to take note of here. Firstly, do you notice how I slowly but surely upped the frequency of texts? At the beginning you would only talk once every three days and towards the end you were talking every day. This is the perfect strategy for re-building rapport.

Slow and steady wins this race.

Of course, the burning question in your mind is,

“What should I say to rebuild rapport with her?”

What To Say To Re-Build Rapport

The best piece of advice I can give you about rapport with your ex is to be interesting.

I want you to treat every single text message that you send her very seriously. Each and every one has to be well thought out and interesting. Oh, and here is the most important part.

You can’t get upset if she doesn’t respond the way you want her to (or if she doesn’t respond at all.) Look, your attitude throughout this entire process should be the following,

Your ex girlfriend doesn’t owe you anything. Do you have that? She owes you NOTHING!

Once you have that mindset mastered you won’t be as disappointed if things don’t go your way as quickly as you had hoped. Nevertheless, most of the time if you don’t get the type of response you were expecting it means you didn’t make your texts interesting enough.

I want to take a moment and give you some examples of the most interesting type of texts I have come across.

The Ridiculous Story Text

Now, obviously I just made that story up.

However, I am betting you found that story interesting. Stories like that to women are fascinating. The goal is to spark a good debate so you can get some rapport going. The more ridiculous the story the better. The disclaimer I would like to add is that you should not make up your ridiculous story.

I am sure if you think hard enough you can think of some bizarre stories in your life to share.

The Reminder Text

Do you want to know what every woman wants?

Every single woman on the face of this earth wants to feel wanted. They want to feel protected and cared for. One of the things I have always been impressed with is how caring women can be. Any girlfriend I have had is always there to remind me when important stuff is about to come up. While most men may be a little annoyed with the constant reminders I am not. I kind of like that there is someone out there watching out for me.

So, why not return the favor and have your girlfriends back?

In order to pull this text off you need to have specific knowledge about your ex. Knowledge like,

Her favorite TV show.

Important events coming up in her life.

A family members birthday (that is about to come up.)

Basically, anything that she would really appreciate a reminder of.

Why do you think this text is so interesting to women?

Well, actually it isn’t all that interesting to us men. However, to a woman having a man remind her of something that she would genuinely appreciate being reminded of means that, that particular man cares enough to look out for her.

And trust me when I say if you pull this text off then you are in a very good position.

Talking About Your Previous Relationship Via Texts

Talking about your previous relationship with your ex girlfriend can be pretty tricky because it is bound to bring up old memories and not all of those old memories are going to be very good. On top of the “bad memories” things get can get really emotional and if you don’t know how to handle those emotions the conversation is going to eat you alive.

I would first like to turn our attention to how you should approach talking to your girlfriend about your previous relationship.

Talking about your old relationship is bound to happen when you are talking to your ex. You need to understand that before you even attempt to send any text.

In fact, there is one particular exercise that I want you to take advantage of during your no contact period. I like to call it the “list” exercise.

The List Exercise

If things don’t go well when you talk to your girlfriend about your old relationship it isn’t going to be because you are unprepared. I am a huge fan of being prepared when it comes to texting conversations. This way you always have something to draw on to talk about to keep a girls interest.

Since we are specifically focusing on your ex here I want you to be prepared when your old relationship comes up.

One of my favorite things to do is to make a list of topics to talk about (aka: the list exercise.) I want you to create one of these lists about your old relationship.

Here is the twist though. The list has to be a compilation of your best memories together.

You know how successful musical artists have a “greatest hits collection” right? Well, think of this list as the greatest hits of your old relationship. We aren’t going to be focusing on anything negative. We are just focusing on the best aspects of your old relationship. That means there can be no negative memories on this list.

Are there any rules to the memories you can put on this list?

You bet your butt there are.

Rule 1: Every single memory has to be positive. (A high point in your relationship with her.)

Rule 2: You have to know for a fact that SHE loved these memories.

Rule 3: None of these memories can be about sex they have to be more about emotional connection type things.

Rule 4: It can’t be about the first time you said “I love you” or anything like that.

The more memories that you can put on your list the better. The point is that you want to have a lot of material to bring up. Now, lets pretend for a moment that you were able to think of something like 15 memories that you could use. Well, it isn’t enough to just text her something like,

“Hey do you remember that time that we did blah blah blah…”

When it comes to talking about memories the key to them lie in the details. The more details that you can bring to the table about how you felt, how she felt and about what happened the better. Now, the real challenge lies in the fact that you can’t get too overly detailed.

You want to be detailed but you also don’t want to go too overboard with them. Let me go through a few examples with you so I can show you how to properly use a relationship text.

Lets pretend that you and your ex girlfriend loved cuddling. While it’s not anything HUGE about your relationship it is an aspect that filled both of you up with good feelings.

Here is what a bad example of using a “cuddling relationship text” would look like.

Bad Relationship Text (About Cuddling)

It’s actually not a horrible text. I mean, I am sure if a girl I really liked told me that she loved cuddling with me I would be over the moon but the truth is that this text could be so much better. If you are going to be talking about an aspect of your old relationship with your ex girlfriend I want you to pay attention to the details and that is something that this text lacks.

You see, you should be talking about how cuddling made you feel and the specific things you liked about.

Yes, I get that there are going to be some guys that read this and think it is the lamest thing ever. But you want to know a secret. Ask any girl what she would think if a guy she was falling for sent her a text like this. Something tells me that they would absolutely love it.

The Transition From Texts To The Phone

(Learn more about the process of getting your ex back by reading my book, The Texting Bible.)

Ideally, what we hope happens is that you do such a good job texting that your ex girlfriend will want to talk to you on the phone naturally. However, it is my experience that most women wait for men to make the first move and that is not a problem because I know exactly what you can do to get your ex talking on the phone in no time.

One of the biggest concerns that most men have when they are about to call a woman is the fact that they are worried that she may be busy or preoccupied. Most of us are pretty nice guys right? We don’t want to be a burden and interrupt her day.

Well, what if I told you that I had discovered a way in which you can transition from a text message to a phone call seamlessly and have a super high success rate. Do you think you would be interested in learning something like that?

What If You Knew EXACTLY What to Text, How to Respond, and How to Make Her Go Crazy Waiting for a Reply…

The Time Of Day Matters

I do a lot of research when I put pages like this together.

Seriously, every time I start writing one of these I think to myself,

“I have to create the best page on this topic in existence.”

When I was researching ideas on how to transition from texting to phone calls I came across this book that actually recommended that you call your ex during the day (when she could be potentially busy at work.) That is officially the dumbest idea ever.

Do you know what an inconvenience it is to get called at work?

It’s a HUGE inconvenience.

I know this may be asking a lot but you need to be aware of your exes day to day schedule. Not in a stalkerish kind of way I just mean you have to be aware of when she will be at work, out with friends or basically any time that it is not socially acceptable to take a phone call.

Assuming you want this phone call with your girlfriend to go well you want her to be alone in her room or something like that. The point is to get one on one time with her that won’t be interrupted and trust me when I say you aren’t going to get her undivided attention if she is at work or out with friends.

When is the best time to potentially set up a phone call?

At night before she goes to bed.

A weekend when you know she is alone.

Sometimes in the morning (not my preference though.)

Ok, now that you know when to set up a phone call with your ex girlfriend lets talk about how you actually set one up. In other words, how you can transition from text messages to phone calls.

Transitioning From Text To Call

Most guys make a classic mistake when calling their ex girlfriend.

Most women love surprises. However, in my experience when it comes to getting an ex girlfriend back surprises are your enemy. Now, tell me, what is a bigger surprise to a girl than an ex boyfriend calling her up out of the blue with no warning at all?

I have always been of the mindset that you should give a girl a warning before you call her. However, I am a pretty clever guy so my “warnings” don’t sound like warnings at all.

Essentially my “warnings” are stories that have to be told on the phone.

What do I mean by that?

I think it’s best if I just show you.

Lets say that I am in your shoes and I send the text above to an ex girlfriend I am trying to get back.

The first thing I would have to come up with is a compelling story to tell.

I think I would tell a funny story because funny stories are always interesting to people. Now, I can’t make up the story it has to be real that is important. Women always appreciate authenticity and a story that is made up is not authentic.

Now, the initial “transition” text message also serves as a test for your ex girlfriend.

Notice how the text message says,

“Can I call you and tell you about it?”

This part of the message serves as the test for your ex girlfriend. She can either accept your invitation to talk on the phone or decline it. If she accepts it then you can run around your house like a crazy man full of excitement. If she declines it don’t take it personally. She may be busy at that particular moment or you may not have built up enough attraction yet. It just means you have a little more work to do.

What Do You Think? (1847)

Mike

August 10, 2017

Hey, we broke up 2 months ago, I followed no contact for 40+ days, while working on myself during that time. I initiated contact around a week ago and followed the whole pattern of gradually increasing the number of texts (making them as interesting as possible). At first she was very cold and sounded annoyed but 1 day ago we had an actual casual chat and she didn’t seem cold at all. I’m more afraid now that she isn’t cold. The thing that worries me is that she never initiates texting first, how often should I text her if I have to be the one that initiates it? And do I wait for her to text me first? We dated for around 1.5 years with 1.5 year of friendship before that. I feel like it’s time sensitive at this point I don’t want to mess this up.

EGR Team Member: Amor

what’s more important is that you’re the one ending the conversation at high point always. You’re just starting out, it’s normal that you haven’t built enough rapport for he to want to initiate yet.

Mike

August 11, 2017

Thanks for the reply. What I’ve noticed from stalking her (oops) is that when I started texting her again after NC she’s been surrounding herself with guys, could her being nice to me only be a way of getting over me? She didn’t use to be like that in the relationship.

Mike

August 11, 2017

And another question (pardon me). If I do continue texting her, how much time should I initiate first before I quit if she never strikes up a conversation first herself?

EGR Team Member: Amor

August 11, 2017

it’s ok to always initiate.. what’s more important is that you’re always the one ending it at high point or cliffhanger.. which in turns helps to make her initiate later on because she wants more. Don’t over think. Maybe she wants to get over you or maybe she wants to make you jealous. Either way that’s a good sign for you because she still has feelings.

Mike

August 12, 2017

UPDATE: I followed all that and now after a week, she told me me she was very confused she said ” I don’t want to need anyone like I needed you again, I need to figure myself out, I don’t know how I feel but we can still talk occassionally”. So I told her that was normal and that she can have space. How do I proceed?

EGR Team Member: Amor

August 13, 2017

be true to your word.. focus more in your activities..

Hart

August 9, 2017

Hi Amor,

I’m a Bi- Female here. My ex-gf broke up with me 4 months ago. I was in Europe and I,ve met her somewhere in Europe. This year last February I decided to go home to my home country because of visa that need to renew and I need to wait for it for about 5 to 6 months. I am her first gf and first to have a Long Distance Relationship and before I leave Europe she doesnt like LDR becuase ofthe reason that shes not use to it, we were together for 17 months in one place in short we are lived in so we were dependent to each other. So, after a month that i am away from her we argued once becaue of the time difference, so i made a decision not to fight with her because its very difficult that we are not together and then were arguing and i promise to her that i will be the one to always understand her myh mistake or her mistake i need to understand just to avoid arguing. So everything was okay but then suddenly by the month of March I was waiting for her to call me and then weve talked just for a couple of minutes because she had something to do so i beg her to add another minute for us to talk but then she refuse and started to put down the video call. So after that I was calling her and texting her on that day but she doesnt replied me the whole day and then i found out that shes online on FB but then still i dont receive any reply from her. And in the morning after the day that she dont answered me, she was so mad at me because she receives a lot of messages and calls from me. Until that day she broke up with me without any reason to tell and she jsut decide it on her own without asking me about her decision so that we can decide together. Until she blocked me on FB, SKYPE, IG, SNAPCHAT, IMESSAGE except viber and email. I was so clueless about her decision of breaking up with me. Every month i keep on sending her a message on viber and email and try to call her on viber too for the reason that I am afraid that she will be gone if i will stop contacting her until every month i ask her why she did it to me, asking her to talk to me, begging her not to leave me and to fix if what are the problems but then she said to me that shes tired of arguing since I left europe and shes tired of our situation and the set up of having an LDR situaiton but it was just a month since i left her and then she decided to broke up with me, its very ufair to me becase until now i keep asking myself why that she is the one to answer those questions that i have in my mind. Until 1 day last July i tried to contact her again because she doesnt reply my text messages anymore from the month of march to june she was replying me but then i was wondering that for the month of july i did not hear anything from her until she told me that i will stop contacting her and communicating her. I cant read her mind shes so weird sometimes she replied me positively and after shes getting mad at me. I dont unerstand. and then this month August i tried to ask her about my stuff because i will going back to europe by this month, so i asked some of my winter stuff to get from her and told her that maybe i will surprise you when i comeback to europe then suddenly she replied me that, shes going to travel with in 2 weeks so i asked her where and she told me that its not my business to know if where shes going so its fine with me. And then i tried to asked her again if when shes leaving so that i will ask my friend to get my stuff to her while im not yet in europe and then she said shes leaving to US for 7 months as an exchange student and it was unexpeted she said, it really breaks my heart when i knew her answer because i dont have any chance to see her again when i comeback and a chance to talk to her personally regarding on our unexpected break up that she did. Please help me what to do Amor, i really wanted to win her back, i loved her so much and i dont wanna lose her, i really missed her and every night im crying because i still think of her and its not easy for me to let her go because she really means a lot to me despite of her decision and selective answer to me about her reason on why she broke up with me. i dont know what to do now and she dont want me to amke a way just to see her when i comeback to europe just like contactong her family and closest friends because she said that she knows me that i will do anyhting jsut to see her and talk to her but shes wrong, she judge me in a way that I am not like whatr shes thinking about to me. she live in europe and born there so after 7 months shes going back to europe to her family after her studies in US. So i am aking for help with these coz i want her back, i want us to be together again, i want her to give me another chance to our relationship to fix. im so broken into pieces now. 🙁

EGR Team Member: Amor

Kelly

EGR Team Member: Amor

August 9, 2017

Hi Kelly,

what’s your situation? are you going to do the no contact rule?

Leem

July 31, 2017

Hi,

Well, i have good chat conversations with my ex, we had some ‘dates’, she tells me she misses the time we were together, we walked hand in hand and she tells me she wants me back.. But, yeah,, she is with another guy. He isn’t a good boyfriend as me (she tells me). But yeah, she is scared to break up with him (she doesn’t know ‘how’) and she is scared to get in some fights (being mad at eachother) we’ve got in the past. She tells me she wants to be single for a while, and she wants me to be single for a while. So we can build trust and date with eachother.

So yeah..

Should i convince my ex to break up with this guy? (if yes, how?) How should I keep contact with her (sometimes when she is with this guy she doesn’t really answer)? Should I just have patience? Is there a way to let her make the last step to me?

EGR Team Member: Amor

Sean

July 26, 2017

So my ex gf broke up with me end of june. I did the frantic msg, i called etc. But not repeatedly. Basically kept it to texts occasionally. the responses were ok ( not negative). So i decided to write an email then i went NC for 13 days. Then reached out. i had to send some stuff to her so used it as my in. The conversation went well positive replies and overall a good feel. Now i must wait abt 4 days to initiate a convo. Should i apply another intro or start to build?

EGR Team Member: Amor

July 31, 2017

Hi Sean,

It depends if you actively improved yourself and in posting during nc.. If not, restart it and do at least 21 since you already did 13.. If yes, continue doing it and build the convo if you can. If you can’t , start a new topic..

Larry

July 17, 2017

So me n my ex have been apart about 15 months, and I just matched with her on tinder. She sent me an old inside joke, so I replied with the proper inside joke response. She replied with something like “Oh wow I forgot about that one!” The next day, so I sent another inside joke and a video attached that goes with it. She said she remember that and it reminded her of a mutual friend we have (he’s a gay guy). Then I said “so how have things been in leah’s world?”. She said “good bad and in between, how about you?” I told her “Pretty good, things have steadily improved over the last year. Definitely had some crazy experiences…”. Her reply was “crazy aye?… crazy good?”. I didn’t reply to this message for like 8 hours because I was busy doing shit.. well I replied “Good and bad, don’t regret a thing. I definitely found myself in a situation I never thought would happen, but now it’s just a funny story.” .. well she hasn’t responded to it and it’s been like half a day.. what should I do? Am I worrying for nothing?

EGR Team Member: Amor

July 19, 2017

You could initiate again maybe after 2 days

Patrick

July 16, 2017

Hi,

While messaging my ex-girlfriend yesterday, I snapped and complained to her that she has added a handful of male “facebook” friends to her Facebook account. She has a lot of feelings for me, she even misses me but yet is not able to commit to a relationship right now because her baby girl that depends on her at the moment.

EGR Team Member: Amor

July 19, 2017

honestly yes.. you have to avoid being angry with her if you want to build rapport

Jay

July 15, 2017

My ex broke up with me 2 months ago.. was in a 2 years relationship. I fell in to depression and all she wanted my my attention and love. She just disappeared 1 day and after a week she told me she hates me to leave her alone, I was crushed. Then she texted me a few days later saying she was sorry she broke her promise to love me forever. I begged her back and she said she’s dating someone else who treats her better. I was crushed and let it be, then the next day she called me crying hysterically. She was coughing and sick. I told her I would bring her medicine and not to see me, I’ll drop the medicine in her mailbox. She said she wanted to see me. We talked, laughed, hugged, and then when she was leaving she said she was sorry and she’s bored with this other guy. Then we texted for 3 days later and 1 night she called me and was singing love songs to me, then she just disappeared again. 2 weeks went by and we agreed to meet and make peace and she said to me when we talk let’s make peace and go our own ways never talk again. 2 nights ago I went and seen her and we talked for 1 hour. She said she missed me, acknowledged my depression i had and seen the difference in me. I lost weight, better my life and job.. now she is texting she never hated me, she texted me last night thanking me for the sweet love it use to give her. I told her I’m always here for her. Then later she texted me good night with a sad face emogi. I said good night. She asked what I’m doing and I told her I was studying for my new career. She said good and for me to focus. Then this morning I texted her good morning and have a great day and she replied in seconds. Then I went for lunch at 1 of our favorite spots, I told her I seen her favorite dish and it made me think of her. She replied in seconds thanking me for thinking of her.. .. now I should I keep playing this? Seems she is wanting to talk to me more..

Marcus

EGR Team Member: Amor

July 15, 2017

Tell her you’ve been really busy

Fede

July 3, 2017

Hi! My gf broke up 4 months ago because of trust issue (lying from my side and she’s convinced I cheat even if I did not), then we talked for 3 months daily, we saw each other twice, then I push things and she told me to stop. At the end I did something very clingy and begging (15 letters). Then I went to NC for 45 days. I wrote back to her a memory, she answered “yes, I remember 🙂 I suppose you are abroad”. Then I waited 3 days, I wrote again something like that and she did not answer. Now, after 3 days, I’m going to write her again… I think to politely ask her about her holiday and university exams. What do you think? If she won’t answer again what should I do?

EGR Team Member: Amor

July 6, 2017

dont use memory texts always. You’re going to look like you want her back.. if she doesnt reply, rest for a week before trying again.

Anon

June 24, 2017

me and my girlfriend broke up a week ago we’ve been together almost 3 years on and off but usually get back together within a couple days it’s been two weeks, after the break up I text her a lot but after the second day I stopped and took a hold of myself I told her “if it’s because of someone else or anything. I just want you to be happy and your happiness is all that matters to me ” she replied with ” “thank you”.. couple days later I don’t have the msgs anymore but I told her something and she said she’s just trying to keep her self together and I told her ” it’s hard but I’m trying too. she never replied after that that was yesterday. Today she text me asking if it would be possible to drop off her belonging at her moms house while she’s at work. We’ve been broken up for two weeks and I just feel like she’s just simply tired of me. But I’m in love with her and I would never give up on us idk what to do.

EGR Team Member: Amor

even if you’re not talking if you’re not focused in improving yourself and in posting, that’s not a no contact period

whatttodo

June 22, 2017

So basically the girl i broke iup with 2 years ago, just became single, she was the love of my life and she just broke up with her ex a few weeks ago.

After wards i started speaking to her, casually not bringing back dating etc, and then yesterday went for lunch with her. i was fucked up for almost two years, cause of her. anyways, she bought up this guys name, i asked the guy whos a distant friend, he was like she said, if i knew you look this good i would have texted you earlier, she has never sent me texts like that, he probably is better looking than me whatever, this was yesterday, she called me in the night i didnt pick up she sent a text saying “thanks for lunch and the chat” i said “anytime”

Now i havent texted her back, she said we ll meet over the weekend for drinks with her and her friend. I dont know what to do . any advice, my friends dont want me to get back together with her cause of the grief i went through. but i still love her. and i think we really click, but this texting other guys and stuff, might it back fire in the future, also should i tell her this is what guys are saying about her etc. how do i play this gamee

EGR Team Member: Amor

July 6, 2017

she’s single.. she’s technically allowed to flirt and date around.. if you want to get back with her then be the best option..

Pat

June 16, 2017

So, I texted my ex-girlfriend on Wednesday after 22 days on No Contact (The results of her exams came out that day so I asked about that as a way to start): She replied within 10 minutes telling me how it went and asked how I was doing. I answered her a couple of hours later and talked about me starting up my own business and taking up a new study, etc. I then said I had plans so I would talk to her at a later point and she agreed.

Then on Friday, I initiated another conversation, talking about how my Thursday nights were a bit less fun without her drunk texts (She always went out on that day) to which she responded laughing. We then talked about how she’s been busy with work and going out, etc. Again, I cut off the conversation by saying I had to go to a meeting for work and that she should text me later if she had time, to which she replied: Alright!

So, she seems happy to talk to me again and doesn’t seem to hold back when I contact her at all. However, so far she hasn’t initiated a conversation. I intend on waiting until maybe Saturday night or Sunday to contact her again, but I’m hoping she will soon start conversations as well.

EGR Team Member: Amor

June 16, 2017

improve yourself more, do new things and be active in posting.. and talk about her, her interests instead of yours

Pat

June 20, 2017

Hey Amor, thanks for the response!

So, I continued talking to her over the course of the past few weeks but I just can´t seem to get her to ‘commit’ to the conversations. She always replies and it never takes too long for her to do so, but she never initiates and often doesn’t seem to be very enthusiastic.

I ended up asking her to grab a drink later on, as I’m moving to the same city she lives in (that had been a plan for months already) and could use some tips about the place. She said “Yeah we could do that if I’m available when you are”, so again: No rejection, no walking away from it from her side.

It just kind of confuses me as on one hand, she talks to me, always responds and even seems open to meet for a drink, but on the other hand just doesn’t ever start a conversation or appear very enthusiastic in her answers (most of the time).

Any tips? Thanks!

EGR Team Member: Amor

July 6, 2017

that means you need to stop for 1 day or two to give time to think of you.

Marvel

June 13, 2017

After that i have decided to not call her text and even trying to see her again. Because i dont really appreciate the fact that she hiding from me or trying to avoiding me.

lee

EGR Team Member: Amor

June 15, 2017

if you’re in nc, dont respond

Claudio

June 2, 2017

Hi,

I ended the NC and started to talk with my ex. She responds but almost all the time is neutral responses and she never initiates. The other thing is I started to put likes on photos that she publish but she never puts likes on photos that I publish. Should I worry about that?

EGR Team Member: Amor

Claudio

We did break up in the beginning of February and I only started to talk to her in the beginning of May

EGR Team Member: Amor

June 3, 2017

but how long did you do the nc period? how much did you improve yourself and are you still improving yourself now and are you active in posting in social media

Claudio

June 4, 2017

I did nc during 3 months and I started to be more active posting in social media (1 photo per week on facebook and 4 photos of landscape photography per week on instagram)

EGR Team Member: Amor

June 15, 2017

good, you have to continue that, and do better.. and you have to work on your topics, when you text and how you text

Justin

May 31, 2017

My ex and I broke up two months ago and I was completely blindsided. She said that she needed space and didn’t want to be in a relationship because she didn’t have the time or energy to be in one. Well fast forward 3 weeks later, she’s in a new relationship. I was devastated.

Her grandomothet passed away a couple of weeks later. I knew her grandmother was sick so I called her and left her a message saying how sorry I was for her loss. I got a text back saying” Thanks for your voicemail. I appreciate it but this is something that I need to do alone and with family.” A few days later I was thinking about everything and wrote her a letter explaining to her how much I loved her and reminding her of what we had but I also said how hurt I was that she turned to someone else so quickly rather than working on things with me. I also said how I felt like she led me on before we broke up because she never gave me an indication that anything was wrong. We were at her family’s house just two weeks before the break up. Anyway…letter was sent to her and all she responded with was “I was never with (the guy) while we were dating. I never cheated on you. I’m sorry but you really need to move on from me.” That was the last text I got and I was so angry and hurt.

Last thing that happened was one of my family members passing away recently and I texted her to let her know about it and she didn’t even reply back….

I called her when her grandmother died but when I reached out to her bout my loss, I didn’t even get a response back…I’m so lost on what to do.

EGR Team Member: Amor

June 2, 2017

did she started talking to the guy when you were still together?

James

May 25, 2017

I just finished no contact and sent a text yesterday. My ex didn’t respond until today. How should I time my response, and is there anything I can read out of her deciding to wait about a day before responding?

EGR Team Member: Amor

May 31, 2017

HI James,

how are things now?

Sean

May 22, 2017

Hi Chris/Amor.

Basically this is what happened to me and my girlfriend. We were once very in love with another. But due to long distance and i treated/talked to her in not a pleasant way, her love towards me went cold. And currently we are taking 2 weeks break (because she needs time to sort out her feeling), which is the NC (but we are not breaking up yet). We agreed after the NC period we will talk and she will decide if she still loves me and if we will still be maintaining as a couple. However this is my concern. Based on the value chain, after NC is phone texting to build attraction. But we had agreed that after 2 weeks we will talk and listen to her decision whether she still loves me or not. So what should i do now?

1. To skip the texting part and call her as per agreed? Or… 2. To ignore what we had agreed on early on, and forget about phone calling first. Go into the texting part? If this is the option, what should i text now that we initially agreed on after the 2 weeks of break we will decide whether to remain as a couple or not? Should i text something related to the decision, or our past memory that will make her reminds of me?

Please help me Chris/Amor. I really don’t know what to do and i need your professional advice.

EGR Team Member: Amor

it’s not really an nc period because she knows it.. go through the agreement…see if you can still work it out that way but use this time to start improving yourself

Sean

May 22, 2017

Thanks Amor for the fast response. So which means i will have to call her as per agreed after the 2 weeks break? What should i say first?

EGR Team Member: Amor

May 30, 2017

yup..just be natural.. ask how she is..

Jake

May 19, 2017

Hey I just broke up with my girlfriend yesterday and we are both still in school and summer vacation (two months june to august) is coming I would like to know if the NCR’s effect is still applicable or not and if extending it past summer is necessary (which would be 3 months in total cause i plan to do the 30 day NCR)

EGR Team Member: Amor

May 22, 2017

yes you can still do 30 days and it’s not necessary to extend it..you can initiate texting in vacation

James

May 16, 2017

I’ve been texting my ex after no contact. The interactions have been fine, we both seem really upbeat. I know its in her nature though so I was wondering how I can progress the conversation in a meaningful way. It seems like she doesnt ask my questions but answers enthusiastically to mine.

EGR Team Member: Amor

Oliver

May 15, 2017

Hi,

I am still doing the no contact.

For text messages it must be SMS or it can be using a social media chat like Facebook?

And I really hate phone calls. When I was with my ex I didn’t call her once, only messages (and she respect that). Should I call her after making attraction with the text messages or can I jump right away for a coffee?

EGR Team Member: Amor

it’s ok to use social media messages only if that’s how you really did things before..

Oliver

May 15, 2017

But after the social media messages do I need to use the phone calls even when I am not a guy of calls?

EGR Team Member: Amor

May 20, 2017

if you and her didn’t really called each other before, it’s ok to just use text type of messages until you can build enough rapport and attraction for meet ups

Mark

May 10, 2017

I advanced to a phone call tonight – had her call me. I tried to end the convo after 25 mins as recommended, but she continued talking and it ended up being 45 mins. Anyway, she brought up our past relationship several times (mostly all in a negative way so tried to deflect or change subjects the best I could). She texted a few minutes after our call and said “It’s hard not to feel a bit hurt that you’re making the effort now that I’m not around anymore. Happy for you though and hope it all leads to great things for you” She also said stuff like at least once you’ve improved yourself you won’t hurt anyone else like you hurt me. and certain actions she took were bc she thought we’d be living together by now etc. Sounds like there is still some negativity towards me and our past relationship. Will continue to follow the Pro outline, but was wondering how to handle this since she will no doubt continue to bring it up. When is the best time to talk about the past relationship issues…once together in person?

EGR Team Member: Amor

just let her bring it up..the more she brings it up and the more she sees you’re not reacting the same way as before, she’ll realize she’s being ridiculous

John

May 9, 2017

Hi,

I made a no contact of 3 months (Yeah I know it was too much, but I felt that I was not ready).

This month I decided to message my ex, and she respond. We talked a few days. However, almost her messages were neutral (not pure neutral like “yes” or “ok”), sometimes she didn’t respond at all and all the time it must be me to initiate the conversation.

So after a few days I decided to say that she looks indifferent about me (I didn’t react as needy or desperate, I text her in a calm way), and she told me that if she was indifferent, she wouldn’t respond at all. So I decided to ask for a coffee and she declined saying that it was too soon to meet someone who broke up only a few months ago (3 months).

What should I do? I though about making a “no contact” during this week and then talk to her again. If I do that no contact, there is a possibility that I will find her in a party this Saturday. If I find her, what should I do? Talk to her?

EGR Team Member: Amor

John

May 14, 2017

We didn’t talk in the party. There was a full of people and I only saw her once. I decided to come to her and just hug her just for fun but went out immediately back to my friends.

The thing is that I really not understand her. She seems a lot uninterested but when I say that she is uninterested about getting in touch again (no idea if I should do that, but sometimes it feels that I am talking with a zombie) she says that it is a lie, that she answer only when she has something to answer and she says only when she has something to say. However she never initiate.

Should I make a 21 day of No Contact after that 3 months of No Contact? If yes, after a few days it is going to be my birthday. If she gives me happy birthday (probably via Facebook) should I thank her?

EGR Team Member: Amor

May 14, 2017

well, it’s not going to help you to keep doing nc if during or after it, your actions are screaming that you want her back.. It’s not attractive..of course she’s going to say that because pointing out that she doesn’t talk to you is an attack. She’s just defending herself.. check this oneHow to Get Your Ex Back if You Were Clingy

John

May 14, 2017

Hmn I see, probably I overreacted by the fact that she is indifferent (I still think it is a little true) about the initials contacts and instead of working with that I decided to point that to her.

Would you still recommend me to make a small no contact just in order to reset the fact of being clingy?

John

May 14, 2017

Hmn I see, maybe I overreacted with the fact of her being not so interested with talking with me in the first days of the initial contact. Instead of working with that, I decided to pointing out.

Would you still recommend to make a small no contact in order to reset the clingy way that I acted?

John

May 14, 2017

When I submit comment an error appear so I have no idea if I am sending or not

Maybe i overreacted with the fact of her being or seeming uninterested about talking during the first days of the initial contact. Instead of working with that I decided to point out.

Would you still recomend start a small no contact in order to reset the clingy way that I acted?

EGR Team Member: Amor

May 15, 2017

for me, it should look like you’re moving on because if I’ve moved on, I don’t want to talk to you if I can see that that’s your way of trying to get me back…. it’s either you do 30 or 45 day nc and to be really active in improving and in posting

John

May 15, 2017

First of all, thank you for the support 😀

I didn’t understand your last post. Are you saying that I should make another 30 nc even when I did a long nc before (3 months)?

Thank You 🙂

EGR Team Member: Amor

May 20, 2017

yes, because your last interaction with her was not good.. make this your last attempt in nc..make it count

John

May 22, 2017

Doing nc of 21 days or 30 days it will get the day of her birthday. Should I say happy birthday to her even when the nc didn’t end? (She said to me in my birthday and we were not in relantioship anymore)

EGR Team Member: Amor

John

One thing that the article didn’t say is what to do if, after the no contact rule, you start to talk to her and she asks why I didn’t wish her a happy birthday?

EGR Team Member: Amor

May 31, 2017

tell her you’re busy..

Guillermo HP

May 4, 2017

Hey Chris (and team), good night from Mexico, i need your help: i’ve been following your videos and your webpage, i finished my NCR (after failing at the begining of the breakup, i send her some messages but then i star following the NCR) i send my first text message, it was really good, i told her that i was doing something (wich i really was doing) that remind me of her and she responded in a very good way, telling me that she also remembered me too, after that i finished the conversation quickly and 2.5 days later, i texted her a funny story (that did happen), but i was in the middle of it when she told me (in a good way too) that it was kind of late (it was), so i told her good night, what should i do? should i continue the story soon or should i wait?, i’ve been doing very good for myself (growing emotionaly, doing exercise, opening my bussines (a little one but my b), i know that i can continue on my own, but also i know that she is a parto of my life that i want to continue with ’till the end of my days, i’m asking for your help so i have a good way to continue with both my life and my reattraction to her, hope you can answer soon, be seing you﻿ BTW, i dont want my old relationship back, i want to grow past that, but i’m sure that i want a relationship with this woman (both amazing and a mess XD ) to share a life, again, i have been lerning a lot lately (my confidenc and motivation have returned to me) and good and bad things on the table, i know it is totally worth the shot﻿

EGR Team Member: Amor

May 4, 2017

If you can continue the story that’s ok..if you want to initiate a new one, that’s ok too..that’s good that you’re improving yourself, keep it up..

Guillermo HP

May 5, 2017

Ok i will continue with it but, can you give a suggestion/little help on how to re-engage/continue with the conversation?, somehow i really feel my confidence and persanal value going up, but when it is related in talking with my ex it seems to be kind of difficult, thanks in advance (i’m going to do it, but with a little push it’s gonna be easier)

EGR Team Member: Amor

May 5, 2017

list her interests, and use that as topic

Guillermo

May 4, 2017

Hey Chris (and team), good night from Mexico, i need your help: i’ve been following your videos and your webpage, i finished my NCR (after failing at the begining of the breakup, i send her some texts but i didn’t work), but after i did correctly the NCR, i send her my first text message, it was really good, i told her that i was doing something (wich i really was doing) that remind me of her and she responded in a very good way, telling me that she also remembered me too, after that i finished the conversation quickly and 2.5 days later, i texted her a funny story (that did happen), but i was in the middle of it when she told me (i a good way too) that it was kind of late (it was), so i told her good night, what shoul i do? should i continue the story soon or should i wait?, i’ve been doing very good for myself (growing emotionaly, doing exercise, opening my bussines (a little one but my b), i know that i can continue on my own, but also i know that she is a part of my life that i want to continue with ’till the end of my days, i’m asking for your help sensei so i have a good way to continue with both my life and my reattraction to her, hope you can answer soon, be seing you﻿. BTW, i dont want my old relationship back, i want to grow past that, but i’m sure that i want a relationship with this woman (both amazing and a mess XD ) to share a life, again, i have been lerning a lot lately (my confidence and motivation have returned to me) and good and bad things on the table, i know it is totally worth the shot﻿

EGR Team Member: Amor

May 4, 2017

If you can continue the story that’s ok..if you want to initiate a new one, that’s ok too..that’s good that you’re improving yourself, keep it up..

Andy

April 18, 2017

Hi,

I have been in no contact for about 5 months now, previously i tried to text her and engage with her but felt like she was playing games, being fairly horrible towards me in person with sly comments and also via text. This ended by me emailing her and telling her i blocked her on social media due to her behaviour towards me, she merely replied with maybe in a few months we can see how things are.

I never replied and hence the 5 months of no contact, we are memebers of a club t= and have mutual friends there since this a few of them have been a little frosty towards me and not so friendly. She hasn’t been seen there for a while, occasionally but very little feels like she has left but still sees and socialises with some of them.

How best do I now begin contact via text again? Over these 5 months i feel ready to initiate contacts again even if i only get a friend out of it (that is better than nothing) but I do still have some feelings there for her.

I was thinking of sending a simple text like ‘Hey it’s been a while, hope things are good with you?’ Would that be OK to send, its simple yet positive? Didn’t want to overly go down the road of bringing up a memory as I think that may show I haven’t moved on at all and she may spot that.

EGR Team Member: Amor

MT

EGR Team Member: Amor

April 23, 2017

do you want to try the no conract rule?

Josh

April 10, 2017

Chris,

I need some more advice. To give you a quick background on my situation. We were on and off for almost a year before I decided we just wanted too different of things in life. We both moved on with life and I actually even dated someone else for a few months. After that ran its course and I did some serious thinking about what I wanted, I decided to reach back out to her. She was quick to be initiating everything and things started to progress just fine. She decided to break it all off because she has a lot going on in life and doesn’t want to make a relationship a priority.

I have purchased and read both EGR and the Texting Bible. I implemented the NC and have reinitiated contact. I have been mostly using early contact text messages because of the reason she broke things off. I do not want to come across as if I am trying to push her into something she does not want. I simply am wanting to stay around. When I send these texts she is always super quick to respond and they are all either positive or neutral responses. I keep the 50/50 split and she will interact on the topic I contacted her with. However, when I try to progress the conversation now that I am onto the 4th or 5th day of sending a message she doesn’t take the bait. How do I get her to keep going with the conversation? I feel like I have to try to start general texts instead of early contact texts but when she seems reluctant to engage in a conversation I’m not sure it would go over well.

I feel like I’ve followed everything in both of your books but I am lost on how to keep a conversation going and keep the 50/50 split. I found another one of your articles that started to touch on how I am feeling lately and it revolves around the idea of influencing vs controlling. How do I influence her vs. trying to control her? Every time I contact her I am hoping I can steer the conversation in a manner that is going to keep it going for more than 2 or 3 texts back and forth. At the same time I am so nervous to come off as pushing an agenda.

EGR Team Member: Amor

it’s just been a week, it’s normal to be a little awkward.. don’t over think.. rest for a day or 2 if you want, so that you can at least rest from thinking what text to send.

Josh

April 10, 2017

Chris,

I need some more advice. To give you a quick background on my situation. We were on and off for almost a year before I decided we just wanted too different of things in life. We both moved on with life and I actually even dated someone else for a few months. I have purchased and read both EGR and the Texting Bible. I implemented the NC and have reinitiated contact. I have been mostly using early contact text messages.

EGR Team Member: Amor

it’s just been a week, it’s normal to be a little awkward.. don’t over think.. rest for a day or 2 if you want, so that you can at least rest from thinking what text to send.

Peter

April 7, 2017

Hi there. My ex just broke up with me a few days ago. It was a long break up conversation (8 hours), there was a lot of uncertainty about what to do, she was feeling different and contact had lessened, a break was considered, but in the end she decided she just needed to focus on herself. I am an Irish writer who goes back and forth to Los Angeles every few months. We originally met at the end of one of my trips and it was instant- strong and passionate chemistry and crazy similarities. I returned to Ireland and while I was away for two months, neither one of us dated anyone else. When I returned we launched straight into a passionate committed relationship for 2.5 months. It hurt to leave and I had to return to Ireland for 5 months this time. I had been in a LDR before and was not eager to get in one again, she had never tried this. But we both didn’t want to lose what we had. So we did long distance from Ireland to California, an 8 hour time difference. We did fine the first month, she had a huge stressful switch in her work the second month, we both had big stresses in the third month. We broke up at the start of month 4, she said she feels differently and needs to be alone as she has big changes in her life (found out something traumatizing about her childhood) and a lot of financial stress. No one cheated and there is no bad blood or even memories (except for the break up and a week of uncertainty before it). I fought hard to keep us together as I knew we would be together soon (under 60 days), but if I am honest with myself, I needed a break from this too as I had been slipping into depression with all my stresses and the time zones really made it hard. But now I return to LA in less than 2 months. I think we owe it to ourselves to meet up and try again as I am there for 3 months. She had said we can meet but she cannot promise anything, which is fair. My idea is to work on myself so I am back to being the fun, confident person I was that attracted her in the first place. I am doing the NC rule so far with one slip– the day after breaking up she tried to call me, but I was asleep, I tried to call back but it was too late for her so we didn’t talk. I really saw a future with her and we both committed to trying long distance because of how strongly we felt. I blame the distance and stress for killing it, but once we are together, I think nothing can keep us apart and I feel if I had never left, we both could have handled our stresses, instead of her feeling like everything is different since I left. I am thinking of giving her NC for 45 days as she was stressed and wanted time to be alone, but will then start messaging, is this the right approach? She knows the date I arrive in the city anyway and I feel when I am back, if I don’t do anything stupid in the meantime, the memories and feeling we had will come flooding back. Thanks for your advice.

EGR Team Member: Amor

April 10, 2017

I agree with your plan, but I think if you could do just 30 days, do it but if you really feel you want to do 45 days, that’s fine too.

Peter

April 7, 2017

Hi

I am separated from my spouse and it will be a divorce soon. I did not meet or date any woman after I separated from my spouse ie for 3 years. Then one day a school junior who is also in the exact situation contacted me on fb. We accepted each others req and started talking. after a months time she confided in me all her insecurities and pain and i guided her too. then after about 15 days of talking, I made her have phone sex with me. she was trying to hold herself back but gave in finally. i also told her tat as we both are in the same boat we should talk often and share everything. i guess i was too lonely. few days later i discovered that she was talking to some one almost daily between 12 midnight and 2 am on phone. i felt she already has found someone but still was checking new possibilities or may be my having phone sex with her pushed her away and she started talking to another man more whom she already knew. Anyways, i backed out. we never messaged each other again. now its been 6 months. she still is on my whats app and fb list.

For the last 1 month, I have been feeling like texting her. i liked talking to her. i dont know if she is still with someone. may be . may be not. Today to initiate a conversation, i sent her a text on whatsapp and made it look like an accident. a random word – as if i was chatting with someone else and sent her by mistake. waiting for her reply. if she replies will say SORRY IGNORE it by mistake. then if she asks how am i doing etc .. i have a chance to rebuild it.

EGR Team Member: Amor

Jim

April 4, 2017

Hi, so my ex girlfriend and I broke up back in Jan 12, lived with ex for 3 weeks until I moved out to move away for work for 3 months, I did no contact, limited contact because of house pets and bills but havent talked to each other for about 2 months now. But since Saturday we have been messaging back and forwards about a hour a day since then, all positive or neutral replys. I did make a few mistakes, like I did say to her that I was interested in getting back together but not as the old relationship as a new one. The response I got back was this “One step at a time I think I still need time to learn who I am by myself before I can even think about anything like that” so im not sure what that means and was hoping someone could help me, im happy to give her time, but also happy that I am working on rapport with her right now too. Am I doing the right thing, keep up messaging and keep the friendly postive interaction going on, and slowly you think she will start seeing me in a better light and maybe want to get back together, I know this is going to be a slow process, and I dont want to push it, but sort of see we already have. We had been together for 4 years had 2 pets dog and cat and brought a house together as well. Right now I have have taken the time with NC and improved on myself and also reflexed on the the pass relationship and the mistakes that cause it all to go wrong, in my head I dont want the old relationship I want a new relationship with her with new feels and new advencer in life , just trying to work out how to get her to see the light and give us a go again because we had no agruments, everything was going perfect in the relationship except with a long time relationship things started to get boring thats all. so I would love some advice of where I should go from now. She unfriends me a week ago and now has refriends me today so i take all this as all positive and right direction, I just want to keep this going in the right direction, is there anything I am doing wrong or I should be doing? and what do you think that means went she said ” I still need time to learn who I am by myself before I can even think about anything like that”? I feel like that is because I haven given her enough rapport and trust yet to ask that kind of question so thats the answer to go. No sure where to go next any advice I would love to have thank you. should I do one on one advice chat or buy the message bribe if you think that will help cheers for all the help in advance

EGR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2017

Hi Jim,

it means you went too fast, confessed too early. What did you reply to that?

Jim

April 5, 2017

Omg I think I stuffed up big time what do I to? I replyed back “Hey I’m not upset or anything I’m happy for you. I just hope you find what your looking for by yourself and discover who you are. I know I want a future with you, I’ve had a long deep think about this. And btw there is no pusher behind that statement. I will never pressure you. I just want to let you know where I stand with all this and how I feel. 4 years wasn’t for nothing and because of that you will always be a part of my life. You make me happy, but I have discovered to be happy with myself and who I am without but bonus is to have you in my life as well. So right now will sort the financials out and all the stuff that will take awhile and then, I’m happy to be friends if you are and yeah as I say want to give you all the time in the world to be your own person. I just wanted to be there with you. I’m guessing you still have feeling for us and what we had, we had something special at one point. As you say let’s take it one step at a time. Take your time be your own person. I still think you are my soul mate and that won’t change. I am willing to wait for you discover your self but don’t that any of that as pressure or anything in no way I want to pressure you or push you away. I’m happy for you and I’m happy for myself. I was thinking it was going to take me 6 months that’s to work myself out but I’ve done it in 2 months and I feel great reborn. You said to me you where thinking it would take me longer then you to work things out, kind of funny it’s gone the other way but you also said it might take you 6 months or so. Hey don’t take anything I say as being pushy or pressure or as a negative. All positive and great okay.” Shit shit shit I didn’t see what I was writing. Well that was Sunday night, she didn’t reply to that and contacted me about some other topic on Monday, we still talk Monday a little Tuesday, but I have stopped for now what do I do what do I do, I moved too fast. I know line of communication is there and she has friended me again. I know there is no hate or angry between us. How do I fix this before it goes too far, do I reset go in to a quick 7 day NC or something how do I fix this I was thinking I was doing so well bla, how do I fix please help

Jim

April 5, 2017

Omg I hope I haven’t stuffed up my chance with her, what should I do now?

Jim

April 5, 2017

Did my last message get through, I brought the message Bible and ex-girlfriend recovery pro as well lot of good information in there but couldn’t find what I should do right now in my situation, please help with any advice if you can thank you

Jim

April 6, 2017

Guessing I need to do another NC for a little bit, but not sure for how long, if I should do it for 1 week or 2 weeks before resetting the messaging process, how long do you think it will take to let her to want to message me. I would love it if she message me first but I don’t think that’s going to happen or I really don’t know. Not sure what do to

Jim

April 7, 2017

I’m wondering if I should do another 30 day NC, but worried now it’s been so long since the break up that she will forget me and I’ll loose my change, we broke up Jan 11 I moved out 3 weeks later, she jumped in to a rebound relationship that lasted only 6 weeks, that ended about 3 weeks ago, maybe I should of continue NC for her and myself do you think I should do another NC and let her over the rebound, she doesn’t know I know anything about the rebound or anything like that so I wonder if that’s why she needs time a bit too, if I do 21-30 day NC and then try to reconnect and rapport after that what do you think?, or should I just wait a week or so and then try rapport again?

Jim

April 7, 2017

Hey

EGR Team Member: Amor

April 10, 2017

comments with your name are deleted 🙂 I think you should proceed with the nc restart and then slowly building rapport after.

Jim

April 11, 2017

Thank you for the reply and the delete. Progress report, I’ve started NC reset last week, I haven’t messages her since last Wednesday, so far every day I feel better every day, feeling fantastic about myself and who I am and feeling great and happy how I look, and can’t understand how she can just not love me no more, but I only think about that a few mins a day. Normally feeling great working on myself, the only thing I haven’t been doing is posting on Facebook, going to get haircut and new clothes because the last few months of lost heaps of weight and gain a heap of muscle feeling great about my body that I haven’t felt in years so that’s great, got my hair cut about month ago but going to chance it again, shaved my beard off and I haven’t had hair on my face in years but omg there is a young sexy me under there, it took of 8 years off me a swear, had a full bearded took it all look great going from 29 to 23 haha. Still have ups and downs and worries that she will forget me and that 3 months have passed since we broke up and NC will make her think I’m not interested anymore, I know it’s all psychological games and everything in my head. Working on keeping myself busy and keep improving on myself for myself but at the same time what she and I would like me to be, I realise that I let myself go over the years and didn’t notice myself do it and just shake my head of like how did this all happen it was all so easy to fix but blinded until the break up, but it has woken me refocus me and I feel great about my self, my happiness, future. But I do still want her back with a new relationship with the added benefit of having a older relationship with all the good and bad with it of 4 years behind it because we can grown from all that but as a new. In no way will I ever give up I think there is a huge chance for us could be my optimism talking but hey f**k it. I know what I want and I feel great about it I just worried what she wants and what she is thinking really don’t know and that is the unknown and fear from that. I want to do this right and give us the best chances or success, I am following the EGR Pro and the brible right now. Still I worries but I think it’s natural that she won’t want another chance after 30 days, I I got to slap myself and remind myself and we always want what we can’t have and I just have to make myself unavailable to her and that’s what part of NC is all about, I just have silly throughs, like no talking to her no contact will make her not want to be with me or give us a chance or she will move on. I have to remind myself that we where together 4 years and we where happy ups and downs but no bad fights at all no yelling scream no hate just love but I have had time to think and I can see all the things that went wrong I just want a new beginning so they won’t happen again. brought are own house had 2 pets and at the point of proposing. I think my problem is I haven’t given her enough time to forget me and want me back. But I think all theses feelings are natural and I just have to work through them. I plan to stay at this job I have 2 hours away another month and a half and I hope slowly with in that time I can do NC, build rapport and get back together but I have to do it natural and slow like a new relationship and I got to remember that we have 4 years of history with each other that counts for something I just got to work out how to spark the light in her again like I once did.

Jason

April 3, 2017

Hi there,

I was dating my girlfriend for just under four years (Mar 2013-Dec 2016). The last few months before breaking up, I was suffering from depression which I did not tell her about. It started creeping it’s way into our relationship as we would fight often over the smallest things and I wouldn’t let go of the argument. I was seeking happiness through her rather than with her and was clingy as I always wanted to be with her. We both go to different post-secondary institutions and our schedules were the most compatible.

A week before her birthday I asked to take a break because I had trapped myself in such a negative place of thinking.. I wouldn’t think about the circumstances, rather I’d assume she didn’t love me, want me or anything. We ended the break after a few days after I realized how stupid I was being.

On her birthday, she asked if I could skip school so we both could go out for brunch. She was upset that I wasn’t able to skip school. I ordered flowers to be delivered to her house and she loved them. Two days after her birthday she had a party at her house, this was the first time I’ve been at her house while her mom is there. Her mom complimented the flowers and said I’m doing good. It was an unbelievable night as I felt so comfortable with her family.

The next day, November 27, she was acting different over text. And to my surprise she asked for some time and space. We would continue to talk, but almost every night I would panic and ask, “What are you thinking now? Can we please be together.” Along with this I would bombard her phone with positive things we’ve done and why we shouldn’t break up. She asked not to see me over this period of time, but we continued to talk.

On Dec 28, she asked if we could hang out which I agreed to, thinking that we were going to break up. I picked up the food she ordered and got to her house. Sat on the couch and she asked if she could get a hug. I got up and we both hugged each other tightly. After she ate, I asked if we could watch episodes of the show we were watching, we watched three episodes while cuddling on the couch. After the third episode, we began kissing and things continued, but not too far. It felt good and right, felt like the feelings and emotions were really flowing. Afterwards, I started talking saying that it felt so good and this is who and what we really are, it has been a rough patch but it’ll get better. The conversation got cut short since her mom was 5 minutes away from being home.

Two days later, I asked if we could meet up. And again, I started giving her reasons to stay together her response was, “I don’t think I can do it anymore, I’m not there anymore” and at the end she said “I think it’s time we break up”. I was devastated and left her car after giving her a hug and kiss.

The next day I got flowers and a card and met her at work. She refused to take the flowers, but took the card and said “It’s over, I don’t want this relationship” and left. We continued to talk, barely till the 18th of January when we met up at a restaurant.

Here is where she said she wants to find herself and it takes too much to be happy together. She hugged me and we went our ways. A week later, she messaged me on my birthday and said “Happy Birthday *****. Love you, hope you have a wonderful day and year.” I was so caught of guard. I replied the next morning with just a simple “Thanks”.

I messaged her on Valentine’s Day and she replied saying “Thanks, same to you”. Later on in Feb I found out a guy in her class was interested in her and asked to hang out. Apparently they have hung out, and this really hurt.

I finally built up the courage to tell her about my depression and on March 5th, I reached out to her asking if we could talk so I could get things off my chest. The next night, she came and parked outside my house. I told her about it all, I apologized and again she said “It’s too late” I asked her to delete all my pictures off her IG and asked about the other guy which she just said, “We’re just friends”. She didn’t give me a solid answer. We continued to text through the night, it was negative and we fought till the next afternoon. She was upset that I made her delete all our pictures, she said she wanted to keep them as memories. We didn’t speak after this.

I’ve bumped into her many times while studying, one time she was on break from class and was walking with the guy, but chose to look at me and wave. I waved back. A week later, I saw them both hanging out after she was done studying and he had just got there. She saw me, didn’t wave, but look like she saw a ghost. She left shortly after and I did after. She was walking ahead of me and I tried sparking a conversation with her, but she was rushing and jumped into her car saying she has to go.

We haven’t spoken since, but she called me last week as she was out with her friends. She asked me a question about a banking service charge since I work at a bank. This surprised me, it’s something she could’ve found online. Three days later, I was studying and she walked by and she didn’t acknowledge me.

Now two days ago, I was leaving after studying and she was ahead of me, she opened the door, looked back and saw me. She was with two other friends, she decided not to keep the door open or acknowledge me, rather she just walked off. I didn’t acknowledge her either and walked off to my vehicle.

It’s been four months since we’ve broken up, it’s been about a month since we fought over text. What should I do? I really want to make it work with her, I feel like we broke up because I wasn’t giving her the real me, I made the relationship hard for her and was never happy with anything she did. She said she was fed up and didn’t want to do this over and over again for the rest of her life. She did once say she doesn’t feel like she’s enough for me.

EGR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2017

Hi Jason,

try at least 30 days of no contact rule, make it seem like you’re moving on by just focusing in improving yourself and being active in posting, do new things, make new friends and then slowly build rapport after..

Jason

April 14, 2017

The day after submitting my question, she was leaving school and came up from behind me and asked how I was doing. I didn’t reply at first and she said “Jason, I’m talking to you.. talk to me”. The conversation was short, she asked how life was and I replied “Great, it’s going really good actually”. She even said she liked my haircut and thinks I should keep it this way. I didn’t ask her any questions about her.

Since then she has been snapchatting me and I’ve been snapchatting her back, but not every time. The last snapchat she sent was a picture of of shopping bags with a caption mentioning she bought stuff for her mom. Yesterday, I messaged her on WhatsApp wishing her mom a happy birthday and sister a happy belated birthday. Her response to that was just “Thank you, it’s appreciated”. And that’s all I got in return.

Do you think it’s moving in a positive direction? Should I be doing something else? I know you said NC, should I still be doing that? Her semester finishes in two days.

Jason

April 14, 2017

So the day after submitting my situation, she came and spoke to me. We were both studying and she was sitting behind me, as she was leaving she came up from behind and asked how I was doing. I didn’t reply to her the first time, she then said “Jason I’m talking to you.. talk to me”. I replied. The conversation was fairly short. She asked how life was, I told her it was great and going really good. She said she was glad to hear that. She even said she liked my hair the way it was and I should keep it like that.

Since then, she has snapchatted me and I’ve replied a few times as well. She seems to be cutting the conversation short whenever we do talk. The last snap she sent me was two days ago, a picture of shopping bags with a caption mentioning buying things for her mom. Yesterday, I messaged her on WhatsApp wishing her mom a happy birthday and little sister a happy belated birthday. Her response to that was “Thank you, it’s appreciated”.

Do you think things are moving in a positive direction? What should I be doing? I know you said NC, but I didn’t see your reply till yesterday and at that point we had already messaged each other.

EGR Team Member: Amor

April 16, 2017

Hmmm most of the time if you kept taking to your ex right after the break up, you’re going to be friend zoned ..So, if you’re going to restart it, for me it’s ok to say a clean slate message and then stick to no and if she starts a conversation with you in person, just be politely short and direct but don’t be the one prolonging the conversation..

Jason

April 17, 2017

We didn’t talk after the break up (January 18th). It was just recently she approached me at school and then snapchatted me the next day. I did reply to a couple of them with hopes of starting a conversation with her.

Two days ago I saw her at school and I said, “Hey *******” she didn’t look back or acknowledge it. I waited till she got into the elevator and turned out at which point I waved and she waved back, but she didn’t look too happy. I doubt I’ll be seeing her in person going forward since she’s done school now.

When you say clean slate message what do you mean? There hasn’t been any communication since the 14th of April which was over snapchat.

Do you think not seeing each other at all will be the best for now, during no contact? And do you think it’s moving in a positive direction?

EGR Team Member: Amor

April 23, 2017

if you already stopped talking, you dont have to send a clean slate mwssage5..just continue on in nc

Jason

May 5, 2017

Does viewing her snapchat story and her being able to view mine break the no contact rule?

EGR Team Member: Amor

May 5, 2017

viewing her snap chat story yes, and it doesn’t help if she can’t see your posts.. Post more on Facebook or Instagram because those posts last

Jason

May 5, 2017

I unfollowed her on Twitter and Instagram.. And we both don’t use FaceBook much. Do you think it’s safe or a good time to re-follow on both given how long we’ve been broken up for and how long NC has gone on for?

EGR Team Member: Amor

May 6, 2017

you dont have to refollow but you need to post in those sites from now on and just make them public

Jason

May 7, 2017

But if she’s not following me, how will she see them..

EGR Team Member: Amor

May 7, 2017

the important thing is she has something to see if she gets curious now or while you’re building rapport..that’s why you need to make the posts public

Jason

May 10, 2017

So yesterday she approached me at school. We were together for a good hour and a half. We laughed and joked, had a good time. Even got pizza together. Everything was going so positively, until I screwed it up. Something overcame me, I called her back after saying bye and asked if I could ask her something.

I asked if she has moved on and if she likes someone else. She said no to liking someone else, I don’t exactly recall what she said to moving on.

I apologized for my actions during and after the relationship. She appreciated the apology.

Things went sideways when I asked about a guy in her class. This guy met her after we broke up, liked her and asked to hang out. This is the same guy I saw hanging out with her at school before. She said that nothing’s going on, they’re just friends. She won’t be dating him, and he won’t be dating her. And they have both made that clear. But they have hung out, but claims it has been a while since the last time they have. And they do regularly talk. She was texting him while she was with me a couple times and I saw him name on her phone. She was upset that I brought it up and that I wouldn’t tell her who told me about him. I told her it was someone close to her that told someone else, who told me. But I refused to tell her who it was.

So things were positive, turned negative and kinda leveled out at the end.

When I got home I decided to message her saying, “Hey *******, I’m sorry I left you upset towards the end. That subject and conversation is over and done with and will not be brought up between us again. BUT it was great seeing and talking to you. It was fun laughing with you again.”

She replied saying, “It’s fine, thank you for apologizing for that and the other stuff as well”

I then replied saying, “I owed it to you, I hope you have forgiven me and can remain friends. It took a lot of realization and self-reflection, I’m in a much better place now than I was before. To me, saying sorry isn’t enough to express exactly how I feel.”

She then replied saying, “I don’t see a future for us anymore Ian, and I’m not saying that to hurt you in any way. I’m glad you’re doing better and working on yourself and I hope we can be friends as well. But I don’t think I’m really ready for that yet.”

I was devastated, but replied saying, “That’s totally fine. That’s not why I messaged you, I’m not seeking you or anything. I’m not asking for a future, I wasn’t even thinking that far.”

She simply replied “Fair enough”

That’s where the conversation ended.

What do you think of this? She doesn’t see a future for us anymore, how seriously should I take this? I asked why sometimes we speak and other times we don’t, she said it has to do with how it pans out. I told her there are times I want to reach out and talk, but don’t know the reaction I’d get from her. I asked if we could talk and she said yeah, but not extensively. What should I make of all this? I’m hoping this is just a small stepping stone.. and that we can slowly grow off this. Hopefully show the change in me over time. But if she doesn’t see a future for us anymore, have I lost that opportunity?

Appreciate your help!

EGR Team Member: Amor

May 12, 2017

when you’re building rapport, just be friendly..dont explain because when you said what you said, it looked like you’re trying to make her see you change and you want her back

Jason

May 12, 2017

How seriously should I take her saying, “I don’t see a future for us anymore”. What are the next steps I should take?

EGR Team Member: Amor

May 13, 2017

she said that because you basically asked for her back..it’s like you asked a stranger to marry you. Do one last no contact period, at least 45 days.. make it look like you’ve accepted the situation and you’re moving on.. after that build rapport slowly. don’t ask to be friends.. just be friendly

Emil

March 29, 2017

Hi How are you? i broke up with my ex girlfriend since 20 days,and in fact 10 days i pushed her to come back!her answer was she has no feelings no heart to me at all,and i knew from her that she start to love another guy,then said to me that she will travel and think,but i did not believe that,so please please help me as i feel lost and i want her to come back and i see there is no any chance for i can get her back again

EGR Team Member: Amor

March 30, 2017

Hi Emil,

are you going to do the no contact rule?

Aj

March 20, 2017

Hi guys, So my girlfriends broke up with me 4 days back. We had been together for 2 years+ I know exactly why she broke up with me. I tried to convince her that I won’t make the same mistakes again but she told me that she can’t do anything about it because she doesn’t want to be in any relationship rn and being with me didn’t make her happy anymore.

I took suggestions from a few friends and they mostly told me to move on, and one of them told me to wait for a month and then see if I things work, just what your post suggests.

Her explainaton, when she broke up with me was that she thought that she wasnt good enough to deserve my love. And that she couldn’t reciprocate to my feelings for her. But she was also pissed at how immature I could be at times when she didn’t give me attention. Which is very true because we are poles apart when it comes to expressing .

Now despite everyone suggesting me to move on, I want her to come back to me. Because no one else has made me feel happier than she has. And there’s so much I need to do for and with her.

I’ve started the NC rule. I think our break up was not bad at all. She was apologetic about it . We even talked for a few days after that and told me she still cared a lot for me and got mad when I told her I was drunk.

What are my odds of getting her back if I stick to what you’ve suggested?

EGR Team Member: Amor

March 27, 2017

Hi Aj,

you have a higher chance if you stick to nc, improve yourself and be activebin posting in social media

Tudor

March 18, 2017

last time we talked was a few days ago…. she said that she stopped loving me and she decided that we remain friends…..i decided to get her back with the nc rule but i couldnt stop myself so i called her after 3 days of no talking… she responded and she was really cold with me giving a lot of short answers. i havent talked to her since that day (thats like 4 days). at school she doesnt even look at me…. i decided to try the 45 days nc rule. the problem is that her birthday is right during this time period and so is mine…. i dont really know what to do.. should i text her a long message of how much i still love her and to bring some old memories after the nc ends? or should i meet her and talk aboout everything? (last time i did that she didnt even look into my eyes when i was talking)

EGR Team Member: Amor

March 27, 2017

Hi Tudor,

nope, don’t greet her.

Ruobing

March 16, 2017

HI Amor

thank you guys for making this website. it is very helpful. I had a korean girlfried for 3 months. we had a lot of ups and downs, good memories and bad fights (we are quite different and I was a bit clingy) we broke up last week, we had a week without seeing or talking much to each other before we broke up. she said during that week she does not have any feelings for me anymore. she then admitted seeing another guy. on the night we broke up she asked me to drop her off at a bar with some friends and also that guy. that was like a slap on my face. later on the next day i calmed down and accepted her to be friends because I want to wait for the moment and get her back. Now we have not talked to each other for a week. I can tell she has started a new relationship with that guy. I am thinking to stick to that 14 days NC and then start with some chats. but she still goes on wechat (the app just two of us used to chat on) and liked my posts. does she do that because of sympathy that she dumped me or she is trying to be friends with me or what?

EGR Team Member: Amor

March 27, 2017

Hi Ruobing,

are you improving yourself now?

Paul

March 14, 2017

Hi, so I’ve done no contact, we’ve been speaking on and off for a few weeks and things were nice but not very flirtatious. We agreed to meet for a coffee, the morning of the coffee i text and asked for a time and she basically told me she’d made other plans and couldn’t fit me in. She asked if we could do something later in the week but hasn’t messaged me to plan anything, she’s a bit of a game player so i don’t know if i should message her to plan a meet or just wait it out?

How do you determine if she is playing power games or if she just really isn’t interested?

EGR Team Member: Amor

March 27, 2017

Hi Paul,

when she doesn’t invest much time for you.. how are you now?

AnonymousA

March 12, 2017

Hello EGR team,

Congrats on your great work!

I have had a ~2 year LONG DISTANCE relationship with my ex girlfriend, from summer 2014 until October 2016. We started breaking up in October 2016. We were having fights, we were discussing about ending it (mostly me) but she finally broke up with me. There was some begging by me, I went to meet her 3-4 times until December 2016 (so it was not exactly over until January 2017). Every time I visited, I managed to go on a date with her, it was always great. She said she loves me but she doesn’t want to be with me, sometimes she said that we should try again and then changed her mind the next day. We have been in touch until January 2017 (her graduation day where she invited me, together with friends and family) that we met. A few kisses took place again, but nothing that was promising a new beginning. It was supposed to be over, although she said she loves me and was confused.

All these months I have been perfect, did everything great, I was very romantic (although very needy and available sometimes). I gave her great presents, I made her think about me a lot. After January, I went into 45 days of NO CONTACT. She contacted me 3-4 times during these months (usually with light-hearted messages, funny pictures, or quick questions) but I didn’t reply to any of that (last one was 20 days ago). She had no break-downs, like getting mad that I do not answer.

I texted her the first text 3 days ago (reminding her about our favourite meal) and she replyied casually, then I ended it immediately. Today, I sent her the second text (reminding her about something tht we liked to discuss, I found a nice article) but she did not reply. I have learned from her friends that she found a guy (actually another one of her friends set them up) and they have been dating for a week (3-4 dates, I don’t know about intimacy, kisses, sex), she even took him as her “plus one” at a concert! So you know, spending time together every day, going out, having sex is going to happen in the next 1-2-3 weeks!

Could you please tell me what the hell should I do? I have improved greatly, I did everything right, I travelled and was very active during these weeks of NO CONTACT. Now I got back, I had my self-control and wanted to check on her and see if we could try again. But I found out she has just started dating a guy! IT’S TERRIBLE. She seems determined to move on, even if it is with the first random friend she met. She doesn’t want me back (our relationship was actually very good). Please help me, try to guide me!

EGR Team Member: Amor

March 20, 2017

Hi AnonymousA,

dont rush and stop worrying. Both dont help you, they just make you do the wrong things.. It’s good that you improved yourself, continue doing that. Build rapport slowly.. Dont send another memory text, choose a current topic that’s interesting for her… What matters more is that she finds you more attractive that the previous person you used to be and that you have fun conversations..dont beg..

AnonymousA

March 23, 2017

Hello there,

She is trying to tell everyone that it’s over, she is denying that all these times we met she kissed me (I have contact with some of her friends) and she is saying that nothing has happened and I just don’t accept it and it was normal for her to be more intimate to me when she saw me again but doesn’t mean anything.

The guy she is dating is a guy she met a month ago, best friend of her friend’s boyfriend. So she just set them up because they were both single. He seems like a good guy and she is saying that they get on well.

We are in a middle of a “fight” on texts. I sent her a very clear message, not angry but very strict, explaining to her what the last few months felt like for me. Not begging, just clarifying things, saying that I keep the good memories and I am happy that we’ve moved on. She said I am very harsh and she is mad at me (although I think deep inside she know that she has not been good to me). I kept calm and haven’t replied anything crazy.

I really don’t know how to navigate this. She still says she wants nothing with me, she feels attacked whenever I contact her, she doesn’t think she made a mistake and she wants nothing from me, it appears that I am a complete stranger. And at the same time, she has a new guy to use as a ‘pillow’ whenever she needs support, and he happens to be a cool guy, pretty much a less interesting and less strong version of me.

Any advice please? I really thought we could make it work but she didn’t try at all during these months… :-/

Cheers, AnonymousA

AnoymousA

March 25, 2017

It is so sad, we have been discussing, she is too defensive against me, she says she can’t control it, she just doesn’t feel comfortable. She still thinks I am trying to find open windows to get her back.

She is spending more and more time with the new guy from what I’ve learned, getting more invested (although she told me she has felt me closer than any other person ever in her life).

I don’t know how to handle it, she has a job exam in a few days, I think I ‘ll just ask her how it went on that day.

I totally fucked it up, today we became too emotional….

Cheers, AnonymousA

EGR Team Member: Amor

March 28, 2017

rest from initiating for 2 weeka..start to be more active in yourself again

Franky

March 10, 2017

so i initiated the no contact rule a week ago. and i ran into my ex at a bar she was with her friend. and her friends bf. anyway my friends told me not to acknowledge her to pretend like shes not there and enjoy myself so i did. her friend kept staring at me. i danced with a couple females but made sure we never got close because i still want to get back with my ex eventually. ultimatley i ended up having a lot of fun. and i noticed my ex was not herself. even my friends noticed it. anyway the next day she messages me, and i made a mistake of responding. we talked for a bit, she said how she got sad when she saw me, reminded her of the good and bad memories but she wanted to say hi to me. and her friends were staring to see if we would acknowledge each other. she asked if i was dating someone i said no and she said she isnt either. she did say that its too soon for her and i to see each other. so i started the NC rule again. is this a good or bad sign? i feel like im being played with but maybe im overthinking.

Franky

March 10, 2017

before i started the no contact rule the first time, she would say we would never get back together. but after just a week of the NC i feel like its different. like she has let go of some of the negative emotions. so i feel like its helping

EGR Team Member: Amor

March 20, 2017

Hi Franky,

that’s a good sign..I hope you’re still in nc now and actively improving yourself

Jake

March 7, 2017

Hello,

I have been with my girlfriend for a month over 2 years. Some time back she broke up with me, gave various reasons but fact was she was bored and thought she would be better off alone. She called to get back almost a month later, last august. Since then things improved a lot between us we connected better and everything. Past few days I had been observing her to take me for granted too much. I objected and we spoke. She said I love u and I dont wish to break up or anything but yes I do take you for granted coz u have always come back to me, whosever fought or broke up (the regular fake break ups) u used to call next morning and sort everything (which I did thinking that if me taking initiative ends the silly fight sooner why not.) . She says this made her think whatever happens she knew I would stay, and now that I was objecting it was causing problems to us. She is in college right now, says this relationship although not irrelevant but is only a very small part of my life so I can’t promise u that I’ll make efforts to not take u for granted. She says if u don’t stay in my life it won’t cause me a lot of trouble , but if u do it’s always good for me, that is why I don’t wish to break up, but today u should take a decision about this. If u wanna stay I’ll be the same, if u wish to leave it’s ur call. I didn’t know what to do so I impulsively said let’s take a break of a month and u decide if u wish to put in efforts and I’ll decide if I can live with this information u gave me today.

Trust me all that i have written above is diluted, what all she told me about me not sticking by my decisions and she thus manipulating me is way worse.

Now after all this, it’s just been a day and I am feeling bad in life right now. I just need to know your thoughts about my decision, was it right or wrong, and this time I wish to stick by it. I just can’t get the question out of my head that would she even call once the month gets past. I really need to know your thoughts on her calling or not. I am working towards improving myself, am travelling starting tomorrow. Should I be thinking to move on or should I be thinking about weeding out something that caused the break.

Also her birthday falls in the no contact period of the break, in about 20 days, should I be texting her to wish at that time?

EGR Team Member: Amor

I can’t guarantee that she will call but you can initiate contact after nc..if the relationship got boring then it’s right to do nc and to focus in yourself for now

Mike

March 7, 2017

Hi Chris and Amor,

My ex and I have been together almost 2 years, everything was so perfect and I had very good relationship with her parents, especially her Mom. However, my ex broke up with me after a fight about three months ago when she was abroad…

Actually, it was me who started to break up when we fought. I was just upset and regretted the day after. She was broken-hearted and didn’t want to break up at first. But after a few days ignoring me she decided to break up instead. I was shocked and hurt when I heard about it and said mean things to her (that I didn’t want to talk or see her anymore).

After about 2 weeks she came home (we had no contact during this time, except limited contact with her Mom) and I wanted to meet her and talk about it. We talked and cried for hours, then I apologized for my bad behavior and wanted to get back together and try again. But she said she was so disappointed in me and tired of relationships and wanted to live alone. The following days I tried to convince her by texting but it made her annoyed and she didn’t reply then.

I tried to text her again after a week but she replied very short. It made me upset and I confronted her by texting and calling (even her Mom was involed in this). It ended badly and she was mad at me. But later on we could meet up again and talk about it. It was the last time I met her and she said that we shouln’t keep in touch at least in 4 months and I couldn’t say anything other than respect her.

After that day I decided to try the 30 days no contact. When it was over I contacted her Mom to return her stuff and to hear about her as well. I was told that she was very sad too. The following week I decided to write a letter to her (I asked for forgiveness, admit my problems and mistakes, remind her of the love and joy we shared during happier times, mention how much I appreciate and love her). I got help from her Mom to deliver the letter (I put the letter in a little box with candies). It didn’t mean that she should get the letter on Valentine’s Day, but she got it that day anyway.

Since I didn’t get any response from her then I tried to text her again after 2 weeks (I typed about food that reminded me of her and hoped her doing well).

It’s been a week without response now…

My question is: Should I text her again now or wait 2 more weeks, or even more?

(And yes, I have improved myself by training every day and posting pictures, videos with friends on Facebook.)

EGR Team Member: Amor

March 10, 2017

Hi Mike,

I think you should restart and do 45 days..this time, dont talk to her mom and don’t initiate a conversation with her mom after nc.. be active in posting your activities in social media so that it would like you accepted her decision and chose to move on..

Mike

March 11, 2017

Hi Amor and thank you so much for the reply!

Unfortunately, I texted her on March 9 because I didn’t get any reply from you (then one more text the next day to check if she had got my message). Sorry, I should be more patient, my bad! :((

I typed about a friend who traveled to the same destination as we did and it reminded me of many unforgettable memories we shared when we were there.

Anyway, she still ignores me…

Ok, I will reastart and do the 45 days no contact from today. But she has an important exam about 3 weeks and I really want to wish her good luck. Is that ok? And after the no contact, should I text her again?

Thanks in advance again!

EGR Team Member: Amor

March 20, 2017

nope..she has to think you’re moving on and improving at the same time

Mike

March 20, 2017

Hi and thanks again! Ok, you mean that I should not text her after the NC either? And what would I do if she starts texting me during the NC?

EGR Team Member: Amor

March 27, 2017

you can initiate after nc.. she has to think that during and after nc through your activities..dont reply during nc

Mike

March 27, 2017

Ok, thanks! So, should I continue with something that reminded me of my ex after the second NC!

EGR Team Member: Amor

March 28, 2017

try a different approach..maybe ask her about something for advice

KJK

February 21, 2017

So I have been working on rebuilding rapport with my ex which has been going well. After 30 days, initiated a quick text, waited two days, then texted her again which was a longer conversation, she seemed very interested in it and I was getting positive responses.

My question is; since Thursday, when she actually ended the conversation, I didn’t get any response since. I sent her another text on Saturday (she was working Fri-Sun) but never got anything back and still haven’t. Should I go NC for a week and try again or do you think I should keep trying without the NC?

EGR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2017

Hi Kk,

sorry for the late reply.. yes, wait for a week before trying again.

Joe

February 21, 2017

Hello dear,

I’m in my early 30’s. I started dating my ex girlfriend from a foreign country about 9 months ago. I’m from the US. I found her on Social Media, she first messaged me. Immediately, it was a flirtatious conversation asking to go in relationship. About 2-3 weeks into it, we said that we should be together.

I own a business in states, so I have the schedule and funds to travel on my wish to Israel. I first visited her in August of last year. On our third visit, we made love. I stayed in her country for about 3 weeks, we travelled a lot and had lots of sex.

She, then, the following month, came to the US for about 15 days around. We travelled and also stayed at my house. She really loved America and cried when as dropped her off at the airport.

It’s when she went back in September, we started having little arguements. After marriage if she should move to America and if the kids would be semi religious or not religious at all. The kids part went on for about a month and one day when she didn’t agree, I said let’s just end this. I told her to remove my pictures from Social Media, so she did. I, immediately, realized that she took my pictures off, so I called and called her. She spoke to me the next day, she said that let’s end it. But I started to cry and said that I was sorry. We got back together. I also told her after I counseled with a very mature friend that it’s totally ok if the kids are not religious.

We were fine back together. I wanted her to come see me at that time, however, she said that she couldn’t. Then, again 2 months later, we went on a two day break, because I yelled at her about not giving me enough time right after she had just woke up. She is usually very grouchy when she wakes up. I immediately took a flight to Israel and saw her, we both said that we love each other and I stayed there for about 6 days. The question arose of marriage, she said that propose to me 3 months later.

The relationship again went to great heights. In December, she had promised that she would come for 2 months to find a job in America, as she wasn’t able to find a job in her country. And, the Jobs only paid about $1800 USD, compared to around 6-8k in America. She, however, decided to only come for 2 weeks. I paid for her ticket. When she came, we went to Vegas. However, her mother messaged her that father wasn’t feeling well. About 4 days later her mother asked me to send her back as her father was in the hospital (he’s a heart patient). I told the mother ok, we changed her ticket and she went back after 8 days instead of 14. During, the 8 days she made a very strong bond with my family. My mother gave her a lot of things for her family and her, it’s our culture. When I dropped her off at the airport, she phoned me saying that I told her to “shut the fuck up, don’t talk to me,” she took a promise from me not to say that again. I said that it was only because I done so much for her in Vegas, and sometimes she was acting a bit unhappy. She said that it was because of her father. I said sorry and said I won’t do it again.

She went back around January 5th, the relationship was great. Two weeks later, when our schedules clashed a bit and she felt that I couldn’t give her enough time and that I couldn’t give her enough, on January 17th, I yelled at her for extra sleep and not being able to talk to me that much. I told her that she bulshitted me. She said that don’t be with me if you don’t trust me. I told her don’t say or I’ll leave you forever. We hung up and during texting we broke up.

I begged to her come back as we have so many momeories together, we got along, and we are at perfect age to get married, she’s 28 and I’m 34. After 2 days of no talking, she didn’t agree. Her and I cried on FaceTime, immediately, afterwards she started posting our common interests on FB. I liked her posts and she put a love on mine. Three days without talking, I asked her again to come back and I cried. She said let’s talk tomorrow over FaceTime and watch a movie. Instead of watching a movie the next day, I told her to let’s go on a 2-3 week break. So that we can miss each other and make a decision. During the 2 weeks, she posted emotional posts of my family and her. About 2 weeks later I sent her a lot flowers, called and was very desperate again. She then told me that it was over, she doesnt love me anymore as a BF. I said that let me move there and let’s take things slowly. She said no, I said I’m gonna come and see her for the last time. She said if I came, she won’t see me.

I, immediately, flew to go see her. She refused to answer my calls or see me. I contacted her mother to ask her to see for the last time. She messaged back saying that it’s her last text, she doesn’t love me anymore and doesn’t want to hear from me again. She said that thank your family on my behalf.

Our highs of relationship: 1. We both loved each other and wanted to start a family. 2. When we were around each other in person, we always got along, except just once, a 5 min, dispute in Vegas. 3. She was very attracted to me and I was also to her. 4. She said that she had the best sex with me. 5. My family and her family loved me. I had a good relationship with her mother and she with mine.

I’m coming back to America after she refused to see me even once or talk to me. Her mother consoled me and said that it’s just from God, don’t take it to heart.

Do I still have hope. She hasn’t taken our pictures off from Social Media. They are pictures of us sitting in fancy convertible car. And some status updates as being together.

Her Bday is in 20 days from now, can I wish her H-Bday in a very normal way.

I’ll be leaving back to America in a day or so. Can I still get her back, what should I do? How long should I not contact her. Should I post any posts on FB of me getting even buffer, fancy cars, going out with friends etc… As to show her that I’ve become a healthy person… we are still FB friends.

EGR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2017

Hi Joe,

You can greet her during no contact period and yes, you should be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media.. I think you should do at least 30 days, if she sees that you’re not chasing, there can be a higher chance that you will be able to rebuild the relationship after the no contact period.

Pater

So, I did the 45 days of NC. Last night, I contacted her again and brought up a moment that made me think of her. She didn’t reply instantly, but only half a day later. It was via Skype, so she could’ve been out, or something of the sort. Was her reply soon enough for me to re-enter that conversation, or should I have another 7 days of NC?

EGR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2017

Hi Pater,

I don’t see another comment from the same email you used here too. Yes, you can reply on that.

Tankbel

February 19, 2017

So, i texted my ex in January on her birthday and she replied with thank you. Then i sent her one of them bitmoji birthday things. She replied with a smile. I had not texted her for almost 2 years after our breakup. And i even moved cities. Changed phone numbers a few times, but hers stayed the same the whole time. So after a month and a few days after her birthday i texted her again asking hows shes been and if she was busy. She replied “not relly, just left my sisters place, whats up? ” so i asked her how her sisters been and found out her sister had a new born baby . she asked me how my parents were . and hows work been for me . i tired to keep the answers short and generic. As i didnt want to give her too much. And i was pretty sure she was trying to figure out who she was texting with , as i had changed my number. Asked her simular questions and found out she has 4 day weekends from work. After about 3 hours of texting with me waiting 5-10 to respond and her texting within 5 mins. I ended the conversation saying i was going to bed. Two days later i texted her again saying guess what just happened . of course she asked what . and i told her that my brother is getting married and he asked me to be the best man. And she replied with thats awesome and which one ? then called out my one of my brother by name. I told her she was correct. And we talked about the wedding and told her about what my brother has been up to. I did this while cooking myself dinner. And sent her a picture. She replied with” wow u cook? ” and i told her yes i got back into cooking as i remembered she always loved my cooking . and told he how im always snapchatting myself cooking. And she decided to add me to her snapchat. After that i ended the night. The next day i snapped her a picture of the city . and she asked what i was doing there and i told her how i live just outside of the city now. We had always talked about moving there before and after our breakup i did. So i told her i was going to meet some friends. She said that sounds like fun and i asked her if she would like to visit me since she had so much time off on weekends and she said she would love to but when the weather gets better. We then talked about the times we spent in the city together and the places we still havent visited. So the next day i texted her with a question asking her how did she know it was me texting her saying that i just remembered i changed my number . she answers was “because she has no friends” then moments later she said because on her birthday my bitmoji looked just like me. I asked if she was surprised that i remembered and she said no because i always remembered. I replied with how can i forget and then i got a no response. So i didnt text till the next day which was filled with very short replies to my texts. Now im stuck trying to get better replies .

EGR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2017

Hi Tankbel,

rest for a 3-5 days before trying again.. and then just continue being active in posting in social media.

Kay

February 18, 2017

Hi Amor,

Thanks for the awesome article! It was a really long read but so worth it. My ex broke up with me via text, in-part because we had only dated a short while after she left a long relationship, and secondly because I may have come off as clingy/complicated.

Three years of no-contact ensued, and I really had to find myself. Everything leads back to her, and so last week (at time of writing) I finally sent her a message asking her how her summer internship in New-zealand went and to see how she’s doing. We kept our dialogue light-hearted, and she was more engaged than ‘neutral’. The conversation ended with her texting last, I waited a week, and here I am.

How do I proceed with second contact?

I miss her, and want to reconnect with her and call her a friend one day at the very least. She means a lot to me and I have only the best intentions. Thanks for the awesome advice; I’m really grateful for all the work you’ve put into this website!