That's a 'how long is a piece of string' question. There are women on this board who have become so acclimatised to sustained aggression over a long period of time that they struggle to see it is abnormal and therefore never decide enough is enough. There are some that live with a very badly behaved, poor excuse for a man but - bizarrely - don't want to say enough is enough because it might upset the children. There are others that operate zero tolerance and ask the partner to leave for something that, to others, might seem relatively trivial. All sorts....

Some last tiny straw just tipped the balance - I think it was the umpteenth time when we had a 'talk' for him to call me to task yet again for clearly not being happy and committed to the relationship, and tell me what I was doing wrong, without ever asking what he could do to make things right again or what he was contributing to my unhappiness. Suddenly, it was all over, the time had come.

The second time he assaulted me. I called the police to make him leave the house. Stupidly I still let him back in again, still reinforcing that we were finished.

What really, really, really broke the last straw, was two days later when he threatened to kill himself, and said he would take me and DS, if we didn't go back together.I was out of the house within one hour (he thought he had "won") with DS never to return.

DS2 was born 12 weeks too early and was in SCBU for a long time. ThenDH refused to hold him the week after he was born, in case he was sick on his suit. The look on the nurse's face said it all. Later, he refused to do the baby CPR training required before the baby was allowed home. We had been told that it was something both parents had to attend, so I was worried DS2 wouldn't be allowed home and queried it with the nurses. They told me that they were under no illusion as to how little parenting ExDH would be doing and they more or less classed me as a single parent for the purposes of the criteria for DS2 being allowed to come home. His behaviour throughout the pregnancy had been callous and unpleasant, as it was throughout DS2's time in SCBU and after. Although it took a further 4 years for us to separate, I knew right then that I would not be spending the rest of my life with this man and that it was just a matter of time.

First affair when DD was 6 months old and I was suffering crippling PND. Found him out, he promised to change, would never do it again etc etc....6 months later he was at it again. Finally saw him for the weak, pathetic wanker he truly was and got rid.

1st ex, he was hitting me again, and he said, "I'm going to make your life hell" it suddenly dawned on me that he would, and started planning my escape that day.

Ex number 2, we had a row and he left me with no money, several miles from home in the middle of the night,, and drove home. When I finally managed to get back ( had no option but to walk) I pointed out I could have been raped, his response was that it would have served me right if I had, I left the same night, and to this day he can't understand why.

From what I know, the 'last straw' is usually something that as AnyFucker says, is insignificant in the scheme of things.

For me - the last straw was not when he tried to strangle me, nor when he hit me and claimed he didn't, nor the years of emotional put downs, or even the refusal to offer me any support when both DD and me were distressed in labour. No, my last straw was when he dropped into conversation that the tickets he'd booked to a concert for both himself and FIL was for the day of our wedding anniversary. He'd deliberately not told me as he knew I'd be upset and didn't want the aggro.

This was recently, so I'm not out yet. But I'm forming real, concrete plans for the first time.

After years if EA he lost his rag with me because I put a pan of water on the wrong ring so I told him I was leaving (it was most defo the straw that broke the camels back in my case) he said 'if you walk out that door ill never let you back in' do I walked the look on his face was priceless

Just to say I am still here and reading all responses. thank you. maybe i should have asked- looking back, what should have been the first straw? As in, what did you ignore that you shouldnt have ... in the first instance.