SATAN'S TOY OR A GODLY WOMAN?

It is always hard to come up with a candidate that is ‘right’ for America, but the Republicans have done so this time round with Pro Truth, Anti-Masturbation Candidate, Christine O’Donnell. Finally a knowledgeable, intelligent candidate who has the guts to deal with the serious issues facing our troubled nation.

Coming out of the primary corner with snappy foot-work and a devastating cross-punch she courageously batters away at a variety of serious issues with the acumen of a seasoned pro:

EVOLUTION:

CHRISTINE O'DONNELL, Concerned Women for America: Well, as the senator from Tennessee mentioned, evolution is a theory and it's exactly that. There is not enough evidence, consistent evidence to make it as fact, and I say that because for theory to become a fact, it needs to consistently have the same results after it goes through a series of tests. The tests that they put — that they use to support evolution do not have consistent results. Now too many people are blindly accepting evolution as fact. But when you get down to the hard evidence, it's merely a theory.

CHRISTINE O'DONNELL: Now, he said that it's based on fact. I just want to point out a couple things. First of all, they use carbon dating, as an example, to prove that something was millions of years old. Well, we have the eruption of Mt. Saint Helens and the carbon dating test that they used then would have to then prove that these were hundreds of millions of years younger, when what happened was they had the exact same results on the fossils and canyons that they did the tests on that were supposedly 100 millions of years old. And it's the kind of inconsistent tests like this that they're basing their 'facts' on.

MORALIY:

In a C-Span appearance, the Huffington Post unearthed from December 1996, the Delaware Republican [O’Donnell] said it was a "misconception that you, quote unquote, can't legislate morality."

"The reality of that statement is that if you don't legislate one morality then you are legislating somebody else's morality," she said. "So you can't get around legislating morality."

To her point, she offered a lengthy denunciation of the government's implementation of welfare and food stamps, blaming the two programs for fostering laziness and encouraging drug use

"I think that drug use is out of control here and there is something called tough love and what has happened with the liberal welfare program implemented in the last decade is they have cultivated an attitude of dependency," O'Donnell said. "The reality is, especially in my own city here in D.C., is that a lot of those people who do deal drugs are using federal money that they get from welfare programs. We need to implement a tough love program."

"We know that people will abuse the system. They will find a recovery program that can enable them to continue in their drug use as long as they get federal funding. We see the same kind of abuse with food stamps... people are abusing our compassion."

More broadly, she condemned lawmakers for fostering a pop culture that encouraged sexual harassment.

"We sit there and scratch our heads and wonder why sexual harassment is out of control in this country. It is because we are setting a precedent through our pop culture, through the songs that penetrate the airwaves and the sitcoms that are on television that are just saturated with sexual themes, that respect no boundaries," she said. "We need to just do a U-Haul of our pop culture. I think legislators, Hollywood film producers all need to reevaluate why they are doing what they are doing... We end up feeding a demon, feeding a monster and we are feeding this appetite so much that our generation is going to self-destruct quite honestly."

CHRISTINE O’DONNELL: A lie, whether it be a lie or an exaggeration, is disrespect to whoever you’re exaggerating or lying to, because it’s not respecting reality.

BILL MAHER: Quite the opposite, it can be respect.

EDDIE IZZARD: What if someone comes to you in the middle of the Second World War and says, ‘do you have any Jewish people in your house?’ and you do have them. That would be a lie. That would be disrespectful to Hitler.

CHRISTINE O’DONNELL: I believe if I were in that situation, God would provide a way to do the right thing righteously. I believe that!

MAHER: God is not there. Hitler’s there and you’re there.

O’DONNELL: You never have to practice deception. God always provides a way out.

THE SUPERNATURAL:

She claimed to Bill Maher to have "dabbled into witchcraft" and "had a little midnight picnic on a Satanic altar,"

"I dabbled into witchcraft. I hung around people who were doing these things. I’m not making this stuff up. I know what they told me they do. One of my first dates with a witch was on a satanic altar and I didn’t know it. I mean, there was a little blood there and stuff like that. We went to a movie and then had a little picnic on a satanic altar. "At least, "I never joined a coven!"

JERKIN THE GHERKIN: (Views on masturbation, et als:-)

1. If he already knows what pleases him and he can please himself, then why am I in the picture?

2. Physics put people in spiritual harm, the same way pimps put people in physical harm.

3. We took the Bible out of public schools. Now we’re having weekly shootings. We had the 60s sexual revolution, and now people are dying of aids.

4. It is not enough to be abstinent with other people, you also have to be be abstinent alone. The Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery, so you can't masturbate without lust.5. On Co-ed Dorms: What’s next? Orgy rooms? Menage-trois rooms? Coedness is like a radical agenda forced on college students.

6. Creationism, in essence, is believing that the world began as the Bible in Genesis says, that God created the Earth in six days, 24-hour periods. And there is just as much, if not more, evidence supporting that.

GAYS:

"People are created in God’s image. Homosexuality is an identity adopted through societal factors. It’s an identity disorder."

SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH:

"They are -- they are doing that here in the United States. American scientific companies are cross-breeding humans and animals and coming up with mice with fully functioning human brains. So they're already into this experiment."

As comedian on Monday night, Christine O'Donnell has all the qualities of a "trophy candidate." Leno noted that Sarah Palin should watch out because O'Donnell is "younger, hotter, and crazier!"

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But, seriously, it is easy to make fun of a candidate. Who of us hasn’t said or done dumb things? Even our greatest president since Lincoln, George W. Bush, said a few trifling things taken out of context by his left-wing hateful detractors. And, of course, we all know how they hammered incessantly at Sarah Palin for a few minor gaffs. Honestly, she’s one of the brightest women on the political scene and we’re damn lucky to have her and O’Donnell to lead us to a brighter future.

I hope the hell you're right, Neal, but she won the primary. Can you imagine what the collective IQ of her constituents must be? Scientists are searching in the wrong place for a perfect vacuum.

And I'm reading where she and Palin are seriously contemplating running for the presidency in 2012. My first thought is perfect! Nobody's gonna vote for the two stooges...but then George Bush was elected--of course, illegally, but still....

However, since the country is sliding into hell anyway, they would offer some entertaining chuckles as we go down.