DWTS 4/12 Recap: Double The Horror, Double The Fun

Well, Dancing With the Stars fans, will this be the week that Kate finally gets the boot? Sadly, I suspect she could stomp around the stage like Godzilla and she wouldn’t get voted off….oh wait, that’s what happened last week. The dances up for abuse this week are the Tango and the Rumba and the judges have added a little twist. There will be three required elements in each dance. Plus, the couples will be getting two scores this week: one for technique and another for performance. I wonder who we can blame for these two little rules…*coughderekcough*

The judges handicap the couples who will tackle the Tango this week.

Len thinks Kate is one-dimensional.

Carrie Ann thinks Kate could do well with the Tango because it requires small moves and Kate barely moves when she's onstage.

Carrie Ann says Erin needs to work on releasing her death grip on Maks. I say, who can blame her?

Bruno thinks Erin has a natural elegance.

Len doesn’t think Jake is focusing enough on performing and Bruno agrees: Jake has good energy, but he’s not showing it correctly.

Len wants to see passion, drama and intensity in these Tangos. I wouldn’t hold your breath.

Here come Jonathan and Amazon Anna to show us what the Tango should look like. SIGH. I miss Jonathan. He’s so elegant. It’s kind of obvious why Anna isn’t on the show this season. She’s so tall that the only celebrity they could have paired her with this season is Chad and I don’t think she could handle him the way Cheryl does. The Tango is fabulous and powerful and everything a Tango should be, which will hold me over as I muck through the horrors to follow. Kate, I’m looking at you.

Erin and Maks
How can Erin and Maks top last week’s blindfolded waltz? Last week after the show, Len brought all of the couples onstage to give them advice on what they should work on for this week’s performance. Len told Erin to work on her feet. She says she really wants to work on her Tango footwork this week to please Len. As if stress over making Len happy isn’t enough, Erin then throws her back out in rehearsal. Erin tries to shake it off, but a concerned Maks calls in a doctor. Erin has a rib contusion and possibly a pulled muscle, but she refuses to use that as an excuse.

Their Tango, to “Sweet Dreams,” starts with Erin on the judges stand behind Len. She looks stunning in red ruffles and Maks just looks stunning, period. The band manages not to butcher the song, which is a bonus. Erin’s footwork isn’t perfect, but it looks like she’s done the work and improved.

Len the Perv thought the start was brilliant, but says there was not enough content. Most of the dance was very good. Normally, Erin is good at lyrical dances, but the Tango wasn’t a problem for her either. Erin should still work on getting on her heels as she moves forward. Bruno says that, although he knows they want to please Len, he thought Erin was going to do a lap dance there. The dance started well, but it went wrong and Erin couldn’t quite catch up in performance or technique. Carrie Ann thinks the performance may have suffered because Erin was so focused on technique. Amazingly, she managed to keep a death grip on Maks, even in a Tango hold. Erin is a beautiful dancer, but she focused too much on technique this time. I have nothing clever to say. I just wanted to look at Maks.

Scores: (Tonight, each couple will get two scores – one for technique, one for performance)
Carrie Ann: 6 technical/ 7 performance
Len: 6/7
Bruno: 6/7
Total: 39/60
Erin knows they need viewer votes and Maks does not look happy Neither do I.

Evan and Anna
Len’s advice to Evan last week was to tuck his butt and work on footwork. Anna’s concerned that Evan is dancing on 2 broken toes, so while she wants to work on footwork, she doesn’t want to cause more problems for him. Evan brushes off Anna’s concern, saying it’s no big deal: he’ll just break another toe: three is his lucky number anyway. Love him. Okay, again, I’m being shallow. You’re welcome.

In the ultimate crossover, Evan and Anna dance to “Wait A Minute” by the Pussycat Dolls. Did Nicole get royalties for that? The dance is very good. Wow, is it hot in here? I’m totally on the Evan Express now. Were his toes pointed? I have no idea, but really, but who cares? It was elegant and sexy and precise. Anna looks pretty covered up, but then the slit in her dress opens and wow, that’s a lotta leg.

Bruno praises Evan: it was strong and powerful, with a hint of catlike arrogance. Spot on. Evan worked on his feet and it paid off. Carrie Ann says this is a great example of how working on technique can boost performance. It was a perfect blend of artistry and technique. Len admits he’s one of the hardest judges of Viennese Crosses and Evan nailed them. Great performance, as always.
Scores:
Carrie Ann: 9/9
Len: 8/8
Bruno: 9/9
Total: 52/60

Now it’s time for the pros to show us what the Rumba is supposed to look like. First, the judges are going to assess the stars performing the Rumba this week.

Len says the Rumba is a dance of love: a story between a couple. He wonders if Pam will go romantic or raunchy.

Bruno says sex is in Pam’s blood. If she polishes her technique, her Rumba could be a treat.

Len says they all agreed on Chad’s posture. Carrie Ann adds that he needs to work on the performance aspect of the dance.

Nicole and Derek go for the “wow” says Len. This isn’t a music video: it’s a Rumba in a ballroom.

Bruno says that, because the Rumba is slow, everything is exposed.

Niecy will need to get her footwork and performance together.

Carrie Ann notes that Aiden’s nerves sometimes get the best of him.

To show us a proper Rumba – including the required 3 steps the couples must perform - are Kim and Dmitry, who dance to Kelly Clarkson’s “Because of You.” Kim is clad in black lace panties and bra with an open white man’s shirt over. Good grief. I’ll bet Edyta will be wearing this next week. They’re wonderful dancers, but it’s a bit like the cover of a Harlequin romance novel come to life. Tom jokingly calls the routine “Three Different Moves and 2% Body Fat.”

Niecy and Louise
This week, Niecy has to tape an episode of Clean House, so Louis goes with her so that have more time to rehearse. They’ll be performing the Rumba and, although it’s a romantic dance, it can also be a spiritual one: that’s the direction Louis wants to take the dance. He tells Niecy that they’re going to go back 17 years and make this a tribute to Niecy’s late brother, Michael. Louis says this will be a great dance to use as therapy. Niecy’s fear is being able to master the technique and deal with her emotions at the same time. To add to her stress, she’s been working 10 to 12-hour days on top of rehearsals: she’s exhausted.

Niecy and Louise dance to Celine Dion’s “Taking Chances” and it’s nice, but she doesn’t really have the hip rolls down. Instead of the sultry roll of the Rumba, it’s like she’s just walking around. It looks like she got lost a few times, but I’m not sure….maybe that was the choreography. Still, I love Louis

Len praises Niecy’s beautiful arms in the opening and says there was a lovely musicality, but he would have liked to have seen more hip action. Also, there were no highlights: it was all at one level, which made it a bit boring. Bruno agrees with Len: Niecy looked like she was in a trance. The dance needed more color and the hips just never happened. The dance didn’t gel. Carrie Ann appreciates the dance as a tribute to Niecy’s brother: she felt the emotional connection. Unfortunately, the emotion didn’t read well in the dance. The emotion might have been bigger in Niecy’s head that what she showed.
Niecy says she wanted to give a performance that showed people there is life on the other side of suffering and loss.
Scores:
Carrie Ann: 6/6
Len: 6/6
Bruno: 6/6
Total: 36/60

Aiden and Edyta
Last week, Len told Aiden that he needs to come out and really perform. Aiden admits that he sometimes panics about forgetting the steps and that keeps him in his head. Edyta tells us that the perception is that, because Aiden is so good looking, he’s really confident. In reality, he’s quite shy. Aiden and Edyta spend lots of time in rehearsal with her basically egging him on to feel her up. She got paid to do that. They head off to a soap fans cruise and Edyta panders for votes by ripping off Aiden’s shirt in front of a gaggle of screaming women. They perform their dance for the fans and Aiden thinks it actually helped him – it was a live audience just like on the show.

Again with the American Idol songs. This time it’s Kris Allen’s “Live Like We’re Dying.” Sadly, Aiden’s shirt stays on, although Edyta appears to be is wearing a handkerchief made out of tin foil. Is it fantastic? No, but Aiden’s obviously working really hard and he’s improving. I’d rather watch him for the next three seasons that Kate for one more episode. When they finish, the camera pans to Susan Lucci in the audience. Love her. Honestly, Aiden can’t dance, but he’s awfully pretty.

Carrie Ann says it was obvious Aiden was more comfortable and connected to the performance as a whole. The technique was off – the movement in Rumba should come from the core and Aiden’s came from his shoulders. Len comments that Aiden acted out the dance, but there was no flow. It was all stop and start and there was no musicality. Just when Len thought it couldn’t get any worse, Aiden came out and did that. Ouch. Bruno says the Blue Steel gaze from Aiden was good. Unfortunately, when he started dancing, he looked like one of those Ray Harryhousen stop-motion creatures. Movement in the Rumba should come from center and it should flow and be continuous: that didn’t happen. Okay, OUCH. Edyta looks crestfallen
Scores:
Carrie Ann: 5/6
Len: 5/6
Bruno: 5/6
Total: 33/60

Nicole and Derek
Nicole says it’s hard to do a dance of love like the Rumba with Derek because he’s a dork. Derek adds that it doesn’t seem like Nicole thinks he’s very attractive. Last week, Len told them to get some balance. Nicole might be a Ferrari, but you can’t always drive 100 MPH. They know the judges will really be watching them this week, so Nicole wants to work hard on technique.

Nicole and Derek dance their Rumba to “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face,” and Nicole is a bit stiff. Plus, she appears to be wearing one of Edyta’s old costumes, although she’s got a lot more going on up top. Any minute, we could have an incident. I wonder if they made Nicole wear pasties like they do with Pam. There’s not enough roll in the hips with Nicole. It’s okay, but it’s not great.

Bruno calls Nicole an unobtainable object of desire…beautiful to watch always, but she was a bit hesitant tonight. There were a few stumbles. The dance needed to be a little raunchier. Carrie Ann says it was obvious Nicole was nervous. The Rumba is revealing, Carrie Ann says, because it’s is slow: Nicole’s ankles were quivering. She liked the traditional lines. Less hyper-extension worked well, but Nicole needs to get out of her head. Len, for once, seems pleased. He thinks there was a good balance between technique and performance. Nicole’s arms during the Sliding Doors were a bit over-exaggerated, but she is a great dancer and wonderful performer. Well done.
Scores:
Carrie Ann: 9/8
Len: 8/8
Bruno: 8/9
Total: 59/60

Jake and Chelsie
Jake turns up at his first rehearsal for the Tango wearing a shirt that says “Turn Up, Keep Up, Shut up” on the front and “Trust your pro” on the back. He promises to trust Chelsie completely from now on. We’ll see if he’s just giving lip service. He vows to do better, which apparently involves him doing pushups every time he tells Chelsie he can’t do something. He’s struggling with the Viennese Crosses, which is one of the steps they have to do. Jake is determined to get all of the elements right because he really doesn’t want to be in bottom two again.

Jake and Chelsie dance to “A Girl Like You” and, again, his knees aren’t right. It’s definitely better than last week, although grinning in the Tango is a bit odd. They do perform a nice turn up and down the steps upstage, but then Jake slips and almost falls in front of the judges. He recovers nicely, but it’s still a flub.

Len likes that Jake really attacked the dance with enthusiasm, but that may have caused the slip, which led to a bit of falling apart at the end. Still, Jake had a great attitude for the Tango. Bruno thinks that Tango was very messy. It just went wrong and Jake lost his posture. The footwork was questionable. Jake really needs to get it together, because the footwork needs to be clean. Carrie Ann thinks the biggest problem is the way Jake holds Chelsie. She liked the performance and it was obvious Jake was really into it.
Scores:
Carrie Ann: 6/7
Len: 7/6
Bruno: 6/6
Total: 38/60

Kate and Tony
All aboard the Pity Party Express! Kate’s Paso Doble last week was horrid, but man, I loved making fun of it. Like everything else dance-related, Kate says she doesn’t know anything about the Tango. Tony tells us that Kate’s everyday life is interfering with their rehearsals. Kate whines about how she wakes up and checks news to see what’s going on in her life every day. Oh, for Godsake. Somebody call the wahmbulance. Kate admits she’s upset because she can’t master the Tango technique. Why start being bothered now? She swears to Tony that she wants to be there. I’d probably believe her if she didn’t look like she was waiting for a colonoscopy most of the time.

The butchering of American Idol songs by the DWTS band continues. The next victim? Adam Lambert’s “For Your Entertainment.” God help me. Somewhere, Adam Lambert is weeping. Kate dances like she’s marking the steps in a rehearsal. She’s hitting the positions, but not doing much else and, as usual, it’s just bad. Oh dear God, does this mean I may have to dance with this harpy for another week?

Bruno, who has clearly suffered a recent head trauma, thinks Kate has had a mini breakthrough. It actually seemed like she was dancing for a moment there. It’s a step in the right direction, Bruno says. Kate’s technique is still bad, but she’s starting to move out there. Carrie Ann says she’s proud of Kate. She may not have any artistry in her movements, but she has determination. Len feels Tony’s pain and says it’s much more difficult to be paired with a less talented dancer: Tony’s done a good job of bringing Kate along.
Scores:
Carrie Ann: 4/6
Len: 5/6
Bruno: 5/6
Total: 32/60
Okay, why are they kissing her ass? Could the rumors be true that Kate’s contract says no smack talk from the judges?

Chad and Cheryl
Chad thinks the Rumba will be his dance because he can show how good his hips are. Unfortunately, when he gets into rehearsal, the moves that Chad thinks are going to come naturally, well, don’t. He spends lots of time working on his posture in order to please the judges but Cheryl says that, sometimes, she feels like she’s being dragged around a football field. It’s not very smooth or romantic.

Chad and Cheryl dance their Rumba to Alicia Keys’ “Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart” and, again, Chad just seems too stiff to me. There’s just not enough hip roll. It’s okay, but it really just looks like he’s dancing at a club. They end the routine on the raised stage in a cloud of feathers. Great. I’m sure the stage crew is cursing the genius who came up with that. Cheryl spends time picking feathers out of her hair and making sure a bunch of them aren’t stuck to Chad’s bald head.

Carrie Ann thinks Chad definitely turned up the heat: this was his best dance so far. His posture was improved and, although there were a few awkward moments, it was good. Len notes the improvement in Chad’s posture as well and says the performance was well done. Bruno, never one to shy away from hyperbole, says something about Chad being a smoldering hunk. It was fluid and Chad sustained the lines – few men do that.
Apparently, Chad gave Cheryl a gigantic napkin ring that she can wear on her finger. I think we’re meant to believe that this means there might something going on between them.
Scores:
Carrie Ann: 7/8
Len: 6/7
Bruno: 8/8
Total: 44/60

Pam and Damian
Len’s advice to Pam last week was to refine her dancing. The Rumba is a dance for the ballroom, not the bedroom, so it shouldn’t be too raunchy. That’s a pretty tall order. In rehearsal, Pam struggles with her timing because the Rumba is a slow dance.

Pam appears to be wearing one of Edyta’s old costumes….okay, two of them…with a sheet thrown over. She and Damian dance their Rumba to Bonnie Raitt’s “I Can't Make You Love Me” and it’s actually pretty good. It’s obvious Pam’s done a lot of work this week on getting her technique down. It’s a nice change to see her a bit more covered, although we’re kind of grading on a sliding scale here. I’d be happy if they got her hair out of her face and ran a brush through it. The routine ends with Pam in the splits, which I’m sure she’s done before on some sex tape.

Len compliments Pam, saying that the routine was understated and sophisticated. He thought her spiral was very good and, although she was a bit overdressed, it was still well done. Bruno says this proves that Pam can do refinement and elegance and still be drop dead sexy. Technically, it’s the best dance she’s done so far. Carrie Ann felt there was definitely something profound happening there and she says Pam showed sophistication. There was some strange stuff going on with her arms but, otherwise, it was really good.
Scores:
Carrie Ann: 7/8
Len: 8/7
Bruno: 8/9
Total: 47/60

Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.' - Isaac Asimov

I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, "... I drank what?"

Re: DWTS 4/12 Recap: Double The Horror, Double The Fun

"Kate whines about how she wakes up and checks news to see what’s going on in her life every day. Oh, for Godsake. Somebody call the wahmbulance."

teehee... I loved this line!

Well done on the recap.

I love that line too. She has 8 kids, whines all the time about how she has no time to train for her dance or properly care for the kids, yet she takes the time every day to browse the news for any stories critical of her. Can't we please get rid of this narcissistic nobody.

Re: DWTS 4/12 Recap: Double The Horror, Double The Fun

great job! The Pam costume, lol. That was just strange. What is with the tacked on sheet this week? It doesn't do a thing for any of them and is just weird. Also Edyta's costume or lack thereof was hideous as well. Loved the wahmbulance, lol.... P.S. that picture of Evan and Anna, what is that on her lower back? Looks like some sort of alien thing coming out of her spine...!