The scene is in the Situation Room of the White House in Washington D.C. in May 2011.

Therein are assembled the National Security Team all gathered around a television.

They are awaiting the big game with anticipation and excitement as the live transmission is about to begin for the kick-off.

But the air is also thick with tension as the voices of match commentators Lodovico and Montano are heard through the speakers.

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Lodovico :The ball's in the air and we are rollin' ladies and gentlemen. Here we go! They're making their play and moving into position. Things are gonna get real hot and the formation looks good. Boy! Look at those guys go! What an offensive line-up, those boys can really move. Look at them tearing down the field, they sure are light on their feet.

Montano : And no interceptions so far. It's full steam ahead on a hurry-up offensive and on course for a goalyard rush.

Back in the USA the eager fans get ready for the action

Obama : When's touchdown then you think?

Biden : Precisely thirty seconds from now I would say Mister President

Obama : Wow! This is it! The big one. Can everyone see the screen?

Everyone present nods in agreement

Obama : Cool! This is a new TV just on the market, wide-screen and high definition with surround-sound and all the extras. You'll see every move, every pass and every blade of grass. Just look at the colours! And this is coming live all the way from Pakistan.

The TV commentary sets the scene in Abbottabad, Pakistan.

Lodovico :The offensive line-up are at the thirty-yard mark, they're in T-formation and ready to push for the end line. They're spreading out now.

Montano : The Al Qaeda defence have retreated back to the end line, they're pottle-deep at the back.

Montano : He's also slept with four hundred and thirty-eight women, fathered three children and lost four teeth in a bar-room brawl with a jealous ex-husband

Lodovico :Yeah! Wow! Four teeth from one punch? But! Hey! He's now made a bootleg run, the defence haven't seen him yet as he's been playing decoy and completely fooled them. Jose Elivio makes a forward thrust, opening fire and scattering the opposition.

Clinton : Damn! Admiral McRaven assured me that it would be Krullbat making the final run.

Obama : Oh I see, a little insider dealing going on there.

Clinton : Oh no, just something I accidentally overheard in the pre-match briefing at the State Department.

Obama : Yeah right! Well I overruled that order. I am Commander-in-Chief after all.

Clinton : You mean you interfered with a in-field military decision?

Obama : No! Of course not. Just kiddin you Hills. I wouldn't do that, I guess I'm just a lucky President. Read 'em and weep!

The game hots up as the attack intensifies

Lodovico :The Al Qaeda linebackers have been split wide open, especially that guy over to the right. He caught that RPG thrust full on his midriff. What a mess! He's literally all over the field today. The bullets are flying, the body count is rising, one Qaeda back has been pancaked and there's another down from a slobber knocker. I think I even saw a crackback block.

Montano : I've no idea what you just said Lodo but certainly it's looking like a busted play for the home team.Those chuck n' duck hand grenades sure are a wholesome tactic.

Lodovico : And no problems for the Navy SEALS. They've still got a full squad plus reserves, all armed to the eyeballs and ready to take the place apart. They're on a roll now and they look unstoppable.This is total offense like you never seen before.

Lodovico : They sure look good on camera too, those new outfits are really neat. I guess that all black team jersey with matching bullet-proof vest and shoulder pads with the vengeance helmet is their new away from home gear.

Montano : That's right Lodo. they also got a reinforced integrated girdle and kevlar jockstrap underneath all that too.

Lodovico : Hells Bells! They're in the End Zone already, I can't believe it. How fast was that? They're in the building.

Montano : This even beats a 'Hail Mary' throw for sheer drama and excitement. This is incredible.

Lodovico : Admiral Bill McRaven always goes for the direct approach, no pussy-footing around on tactics, it's a full-scale frontal assault and no messing.

Montano : Hey diddle-diddle, straight up the middle!!

Lodovico : But wait ladies and gentlemen! There's been a hold up, the momentum seems to have slowed down somehow.

In the White House the tension is rising

Obama : Joe! Will you stop that

Biden : Sorry Othello, just a nervous habit.

Obama : Maybe so, but when people ask you what you were doing the day we got Bin Laden you don't wanna be saying you were shovelling boogers out of your nose.

The commentators analyse the play

Montano : Don't worry Lodo. They're in the huddle. It's just a quick re-grouping and tactical instructions from the Captain. But I guess McRaven will be shouting orders down his ear-piece too, you can guarantee that. It's first down and they're almost there already.

Lodovico :Will they sack Osama? Or should I say 'O.B. Laden' as he likes to call himself. He's a big fan of O.J. Simpson.

Montano : I guess so my friend, another wanted man who was on the run, a real fugitive from justice. But it looks like they're ready to make the play.

Montano : Well all I can say if he's in there, he's history. It's time to take out the bad guy. Welcome to Coffin Corner.

Lodovico :The lines of scrimmage break, there's bodies scrambling around everwhere in there, what a melee, they're going for the prize.

Montano : There he is Lodo! There he is!

Lodovico : So it is! He's there! It's O.B. Laden himself, the team captain. He looks shellshocked, he's got no escape, he's got nowhere to run. Wow! That woman is trying a blocking move. That's last-ditch desperation. Will she stop the offense? Will she thwart this blitzkreig of an attack?

Montano : No! They got him. It's Touchdown! It's Touchdown!

Lodovico : Great shot! Touchdown for the SEALS! Way to go boys! Way to go!

Montano : No! Not quite! He's not finished off yet. He's still twitching! But here comes the 'coup de grace', a fusillade of hot lead to the upper torso!

Lodovico : Yes! That's it! It's over. Maybe you'd say that was a little unnecessary roughness just there but what the hell!

Montano : Absolutely! Well done to the Marine Machine. Not exactly the hardest yardage they ever had to battle through but that don't matter. That was superb play.

Lodovico : Darn rootin-tootin! That's what I call a real blowout of a game!

Montano :It sure was Lodo and I'm just hearing through the live feed from Pakistan that the rumours were true. Bin Laden did have a bullet-proof beard!

Lodovico : It didn't do him any good tonight, he should have had more hair on his chest.

Back at the White House there is a mixture of jubilation and relief

Obama : Well, there you go people. On horror's head, horror's accumulate. He's had it coming for a long time. His unbeaten run is over.

Biden : We got a few more bogey men we can concentrate on now.

Obama : Sure! But imagine that? A bullet-proof beard! We always gotta stay one step ahead of these guys.

Clinton : Excuse me gentlemen, can we change the channel? There's a re-run of 'Desperate Housewives' on ABC.

Biden : Are you and Bill in it?

Obama : Knock it off Joe! But don't forget my fifty dollars Hills.

Biden : Unless you want to go double or quits on the next tinpot dictator we knock off.

Obama : Forget about that for now. This is a time to celebrate a great victory for freedom in the war against terror and all that jazz. Let's open some beers and have ourselves a Super Bowl party. I've even put down some astroturf on the dining room floor.

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