Yom Kippur: Celebrity Edition

Yes, even famous people must atone.

Yom Kippur, also known as the Day of Atonement, is the holiest and most solemn day of the year for the Jews, other than the semi-annual clothing sales at Macys. Its central themes are atonement and repentance – so, no, it is not considered one of the “fun” Jewish holidays. Jews observe this holy day with a 25-hour period of fasting and intensive prayer, often spending most of the day in synagogue services, where one finally refrains from playing Angry Birds on one’s smart phone.

Yom Kippur is an opportunity for all Jews to obtain atonement from their transgressions, even celebrities. Whether they’re politicians, athletes, business leaders, or stars of stage, screen, TV or recordings, they too might well consider amending their behavior for wrongs done against God or against other human beings. And, no, they cannot have their assistants, children, or interns do this for them. Apparently, God doesn’t take kindly to that.

No, celebrities cannot have their interns repent for them. God doesn’t take kindly to that.

Here is a representative sampling of current Jewish and non-Jewish celebrities, what they might be atoning for this year, and how they might consider repenting.

Larry David
It used to be that a TV series would start in the Fall, end in the Spring, show Summer reruns, then start up again in the Fall. You can kiss those days goodbye. Scheduling shows today is like the Wild West – anything goes at any time, especially with cable TV. Take Larry David’s “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” Great show. When did it last air new episodes? Five years ago? Sure seems that way. Larry might, then, atone for letting his fans down and contributing to the ongoing loss of the TV viewing audience to other media and forms of recreation. He could also atone for causing the loss of income for the actors and production folks connected with the show. How to repent? This one’s easy – by producing and airing new shows ASAP, perhaps with a funny apology by Larry himself preceding the first new show. We could then find it in our hearts to forgive him, couldn’t we? Or, would holding a grudge for a long time be more in the spirit of Larry’s show?

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
Iranian President Ahmadinejad is a controversial figure both within Iran and internationally. He has been criticized domestically for his economic lapses and disregard for human rights. He supports Iran's long-standing policy of refusing to recognize Israel as a legitimate state. According to a report by Human Rights Watch, the government routinely tortures and mistreats detained dissidents, including through prolonged solitary confinement. In September 2010, Ahmadinejad caused another controversy at the U.N. by claiming that most people believed the U.S. government was behind the 9/11 attacks. The speech triggered a mass walkout, and President Obama described the claims as "inexcusable", "offensive" and "hateful." The only challenge for Ahmadinejad atoning and repenting for all this is finding the time to do so. Even if he cleared his schedule of everything else, he still might require several lifetimes to adequately cover his offenses. Still, an apology at the U.N. and to his country, and initiating peace talks with Israel might be a good start. Hey, a guy can dream.

Jon Stewart
A poll released by the Pew Research Center for the People and the Press found that 21 percent of people aged 18 to 29 cited "The Daily Show" and "Saturday Night Live" as a place where they regularly learned presidential campaign news. Not CNN or CBS. Not NBC or ABC. Not even Fox. Our young people, America’s future, are getting their national news from comedy shows. Which is good news for those comedy shows’ ratings and less good news for an educated future electorate. I blame Jon Stewart – for being brilliant, cutting edge, and funny. How is any traditional news broadcast supposed to compete with that? Jon – atone for your wonderfulness; repent by urging your young viewers to pick up a newspaper or at least read one online. That doesn’t mean The Onion. Suggest that they regularly watch NBC News or CNN. You have the power, Jon, to keep America’s youth informed, entertained, and well-rounded. Use it. See you in shul.

Sarah Palin
Being described as an American politician, commentator and author sounds pretty impressive – until you find out that the person in question is Sarah Palin. Palin, amazingly, was the Republican Party nominee for Vice President in the 2008 presidential election. And just to prove that there’s no underestimating the taste of the American public, her book Going Rogue has sold more than two million copies. Since January 2010, Palin has provided political commentary for Fox News, and hosted a television show, Sarah Palin's Alaska. Following the Convention, her image came under close media scrutiny,particularly with regard to her religious perspective on public life, her socially conservative views, and her perceived lack of experience. Her controversial viewpoints along with personal issues all pretty much put an end to her political career, though strangely also endeared her to others. One could give Palin a long list of things for which she might atone and repent – but once someone read them to her, would she really understand them?

Gene Simmons

Gene Simmons (born Chaim Weitz in Israel) is an American rock bassist, singer-songwriter, producer, entrepreneur and actor. Known by his stage persona "The Demon," he is the bassist/co-vocalist of KISS, a hard rock band he co-founded in the early 1970s. With KISS, Simmons has sold more than 100 million albums worldwide. Simmons has also spearheaded what must be the largest collection of branded merchandise available for any band. KISS fans can purchase KISS versions of: t-shirts, programs, posters, calendars, hats, drinkware, comics, wine, art, video, jewelry, action figures, books, bobble heads, coins, coffins, and much more. So, for starters, Simmons might atone and repent for squeezing the last cent from his impressionable fans, teaching them that true happiness, at least for Simmons, comes from deep within – his fans’ wallets. If that’s not enough, have you seen his reality TV show Gene Simmons Family Jewels? That by itself requires a whole lot of atoning. I hope God is in a forgiving mood. For Gene, and for the rest of us.

About the Author

Mark Miller has held positions as a nationally syndicated humor columnist for the Los Angeles Times, an interviewer and humor blogger for The Huffington Post (along with a wealth of other publications), a TV sitcom staff writer/producer, a stand-up comic in nightclubs and on TV, and a writer for comedians such as Jay Leno, Dana Carvey, Roseanne Barr, Rodney Dangerfield, and Jim Carrey. His first book, a collection of his humor essays on dating and romance, is 500 Dates: Dispatches From the Front Lines of the Online Dating Wars. But he says he’d trade all his success away in a minute for immortality, inner peace and limitless wealth. Follow his website/blog at: http://www.markmillerhumorist.com/. Reach him at: mark.writer@gmail.com

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 5

(5)
Miriam Shoshana,
September 26, 2012 12:40 AM

May Hashem forgive you, too, Mark

While you impale Sarah Palin's intelligence and character, one very vocal politician who loves Israel and defends us all the time, Ahmadinejad is speaking at The UN on Yom Kippur. Only 14 people we elected signed a petition against this monster. We Yidden must look very deeply inside ourselves, and tremble with humility and Awe as we stand before Aveinu Malkeinu. I am asking The Almighty to send Barack Obama home to Chicago so he may be a full-time stay-at-home father to his girls on inauguration day in January, 2013. I believe he is a good father, and so far, this is the only great accomplishment that has touched me. Our enemies are greatly emboldened by this Rasha. Please, Aveinu, Malkeinu, remove his ability to represent me or any other American that looks to You. I expect My Father, My King to hear me in great and deep sincerity and I expect Him to remove this Jew-hater from the world stage. This was shockingly inappropriate- this article. It is not funny to put Larry David and Ahmadinejad in the same breath. Aish HaTorah, I am very surprised you allowed this to be on your website. This article is VERY far from anything Reb Weinberg, Tzl, would go near. Please remove this

(4)
Hanna,
September 25, 2012 12:53 PM

Um

The point of Yom Kippur is for self introspection - not for pointing out other people's perceived flaws/sins. Even as a joke, this entire article is in incredibly poor taste. I'm not even going to go into the details. But really, Aish, even if it's all meant in good fun, is this what you're about?

(3)
Lynn,
September 23, 2012 3:48 PM

Who should really be sorry?

Wow, I can't believe you let this writer attack Sarah Palin for the "crime" of being conservative and for her supposed stupidity, a trope fed by the mainstream media since she came on the scene.
Her values of personal responsibility, traditional marriage, not aborting an "imperfect" baby (her youngest has Down Syndrome), support for Israel, and fiscal responsibility make her far more consistent with Jewish values than the Democrats these days, the same Dems who at their recent convention stripped God and support for Israel from their platform. It was shoved back in at the last second despite failing to get the necessary votes of support from delegates.
No wonder this writer also recommends people watch CNN, arguably the most anti-Israel news outlet around, with the possible exception of NPR. And by the way, Palin was a good governor of Alaska, successfully working with both Democrats and Republicans, managing a responsible budget, and earning deserved popularity in her state.
Liberal Jews need to wake up.

(2)
Anonymous,
September 22, 2012 1:57 PM

Not fair to Sarah Palin

I find your comments on Sarah Palin to be inappropriate. She is a great friend to Israel, to the Jewish people and to all freedom loving people. Attacks on her for being stupid are intellectually lazy and do no pass for humor.

(1)
Sharon P,
September 21, 2012 7:30 AM

CNN?!

You've got to be kidding! To recommend being exposed to the highly anti-Israel and very injurious blatherings aired on a regular basis is like shooting ourselves in the proverbial foot!

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My nephew is having his bar mitzvah and I am thinking of a gift. In the old days, the gift of choice was a fountain pen, then a Walkman, and today an iPod. But I want to get him something special. What do you suggest?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Since this event celebrates the young person becoming obligated in the commandments, the most appropriate gift is, naturally, one that gives a deeper understanding of the Jewish heritage and enables one to better perform the mitzvot! (An iPod, s/he can get anytime.)

With that in mind, my favorite gift idea is a tzedakah (charity) box. Every Jew should have a tzedakah box in his home, so he can drop in change on a regular basis. The money can then be given to support a Jewish school or institution -- in your home town or in Israel (every Jews’ “home town”). There are beautiful tzedakah boxes made of wood and silver, and you can see a selection here.

For boys, a really beautiful gift is a pair of tefillin, the black leather boxes which contain parchments of Torah verses, worn on the bicep and the head. Owning a pair of Tefillin (and wearing them!) is an important part of Jewish identity. But since they are expensive (about $400), not every Bar Mitzvah boy has a pair. To make sure you get kosher Tefillin, see here.

In 1944, the Nazis perpetrated the Children's Action in the Kovno Ghetto. That day and the next, German soldiers conducted house-to-house searches to round up all children under age 12 (and adults over 55) -- and sent them to their deaths at Fort IX. Eventually, the Germans blew up every house with grenades and dynamite, on suspicion that Jews might be in hiding in underground bunkers. They then poured gasoline over much of the former ghetto and incinerated it. Of the 37,000 Jews in Kovno before the Holocaust, less than 10 percent survived. One of the survivors was Rabbi Ephraim Oshri, who later published a stirring collection of rabbinical responsa, detailing his life-and-death decisions during the Holocaust. Also on this date, in 1937, American Jews held a massive anti-Nazi rally in New York City's Madison Square Garden.

In a letter to someone who found it difficult to study Torah, the 20th century sage the Chazon Ish wrote:

"Some people find it hard to be diligent in their Torah studies. But the difficulty persists only for a short while - if the person sincerely resolves to submerge himself in his studies. Very quickly the feelings of difficulty will go away and he will find that there is no worldly pleasure that can compare with the pleasure of studying Torah diligently."

Although actions generally have much greater impact than thoughts, thoughts may have a more serious effect in several areas.

The distance that our hands can reach is quite limited. The ears can hear from a much greater distance, and the reach of the eye is much farther yet. Thought, however, is virtually limitless in its reach. We can think of objects millions of light years away, and so we have a much greater selection of improper thoughts than of improper actions.

Thought also lacks the restraints that can deter actions. One may refrain from an improper act for fear of punishment or because of social disapproval, but the privacy of thought places it beyond these restraints.

Furthermore, thoughts create attitudes and mindsets. An improper action creates a certain amount of damage, but an improper mindset can create a multitude of improper actions. Finally, an improper mindset can numb our conscience and render us less sensitive to the effects of our actions. We therefore do not feel the guilt that would otherwise come from doing an improper act.

We may not be able to avoid the occurrence of improper impulses, but we should promptly reject them and not permit them to dwell in our mind.

Today I shall...

make special effort to avoid harboring improper thoughts.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...