Some of My All-Time Favorite Quotes (On the Lighter Side)

by Amy on December 26, 2015

This column was originally published January 7, 2015

I don’t have much for hobby collections, but one thing I get into collecting is quotes, signs, and phrases. They inspire me, make me smile, laugh, and put life into perspective. I thought I’d share some of the ones I found and liked the most.

Live life like someone left the gate open.

On a dairy man’s T-shirt: “Come smell our dairy air”

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Except country girls. Country girls can kill you. Earl Dibbles, Jr.

Four words I never want to hear: I don’t love you. I found someone else.It was never real.We need to talk.I don’t remember you.Let’s just be friends. We can’t be together. There is no food. (thank farmers and ranchers for making sure this never happens!)

You aren’t wealthy until you have something money can’t buy. Granger Smith

Sign: Keep gate closed. Don’t let the cows out no matter what they tell you.

The best classrooms smell like a barn. Support Agricultural Education.

There’s no Wi-Fi in the woods, but I promise you’ll find a better connection. Earl Dibbles, Jr.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy cows, which is pretty much the same thing.

I hate it when I plan a conversation with someone in my head and they don’t follow the script. (Note: This is me. I always hash out my argument’s conversation I plan to have with my husband when I’m mad at him.)

We lose ourselves in the things we love. We find ourselves there too. Granger Smith

FARMER: a person outstanding in their field.

Sometimes bad decisions make for good stories. Granger Smith (I can’t express enough how true this is on a ranch).

A gun is like a woman. It’s all about how you hold her. Earl Dibbles, Jr.

Sign: Chasing cows will be our fate if you do not close this gate.

Déjà poo: the feeling you’ve heard this crap before.

Why do we need guns? Because it ain’t easy throwin’ a rock 1400 feet per second. Earl Dibbles, Jr.

If you don’t think fear can control you then you’ve never been chased by a mad momma cow.

FARMING: because starving sucks.

Sorry, I only date country boys. You better know how to bait a hook bale a field.

Even if it’s too cold to roll the windows down I still like a backroad road to clear my head. Earl Dibbles Jr.

Sign: WARNING: This property is a farm. Farms have animals. Animals make funny sounds, smell bad, and have sex outdoors. Unless you can tolerate noise, odors, and outdoor sex, don’t buy property next to a farm.

(Photo of a cow in a pasture) I’m an expert in my field.

In dog beers I’ve only had one.

Scars are like tattoos with better stories. Granger Smith

(On the rear door of a livestock trailer) Caution: Floor covered with political promises.

Honk if you love Jesus. Text while driving if you want to meet him.

Of all the roads you travel in 2014, make sure most of ‘em are dirt. Earl Dibbles, Jr.

God gave us shin bones so we could find trailer hitches in the dark.

Life is tough. Be tougher. Granger Smith

On an inner tube rentals sign: RULES: You are not allowed to do ANYTHING that begins with the words… “Hey Ya’ll watch this!”

You can tell a lot about a girl by her hands. For example, if she’s holding a gun either run or marry her. Earl Dibbles, Jr.

Love is watching someone else’s boring show on TV.

Billboard sign: “This country needs a Department of Common Sense”

I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.

Is Google a boy or a girl? Obviously a girl because it won’t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas. Zach Galifianakis

You can find more like these on my Pinterest pin boards “Rural Life/Agriculture,” “Good Quotes” and “Humor.”