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Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Sometimes we look so hard for Wrecks we fail to see the forest for the trees, as it were. After all, it doesn't take crazy sculpted nonsense or illiterate scrawlings to make a Wreck; sometimes all you need is a healthy dose of what I like to call "the fugly":

Die, tie-dye! Die!(You know, I bet a lot of you are going to like this one. Well, rest assured I won't be calling you a tasteless hippie if you do; I'll just give you one of my patented sardonic looks. Like this: [sardonic look]. Crippling, isn't it?)

I actually made something like this once. Of course, it was with finger paints, and I was three at the time, but still...

It was made by Lauri Ditunno of Cake Alchemy, and Julie T. was the first of many to send it in.

I find this one particularly cool because I think that web was made using a new flexible icing product I saw at last year's ICES convention. You pipe it out as a runny icing, but once it dries it's like an edible rubber - you can pick it up, stretch it, etc. John and I had some fun at the product table playing with the stuff, but this is the first professional cake I've seen using it - assuming that's what it is, of course.

Sorry, sorry - geek out time over. Next!

I'm an art lover, so you know I have to feature at least one Day of the Dead cake:

Looove the colors! This was Janet S.'s wedding cake, and it was made by Kathy of Calamity Cakes.

Check out this dark beauty:

It took me a second to realize, but those tiers are actually coffin-shaped! See, I love that this is such a unique, gothically-inspired cake without being in-your-face. Also, this just might be my favorite Day of the Dead inspired topper ever:

And yes, it was custom-made: Carrie, the bride, wore a red gown and has purple and red hair. [sing-song voice] Gor-geous!!

This was submitted anonymously, but Mistress Carrie (she's a DJ for WAAF in Boston) was kind enough to e-mail me recently with more details. The cake was made by Something Sweet by Michelle, and the custom topper by Skellramics.

Here's another red, black & white gem:

Sabrina found it here, and it's made by Rosebud Bakery. Thanks to all of you in the comments who helped track it down!

And you know I always save my favorite for last, right? Here ya go:

Honestly, I think I'm in love with this cake. Who knew a skull topper with a spider on it could be that adorable? And I love the soft colors, the airbrushing, the purplish black roses - it's really all quite exquisite. What's even better is that this was made by the author of the blog Pumpkin And Spice for her advanced cakes class - she's still in culinary school! Many thanks to Meghan L. for finding it.

This is the "official" Bob cake, made by Sugar Butter Flour and served at DreamWorks yesterday to celebrate the movie's release. Fortunately Jessica G.'s hubby works there, which is why we get to share in the gelatinous joy.

Speaking of gelatinous, though, wouldn't it have been awesome if they'd made him completely out of Jello? Sure, I'd rather eat cake, too, but Bompass & Parr (creators of the infamous burger-on-a-donut) have some nifty "Jelly" creations, some of which even glow in the dark:

Cool, huh? Plus, slap an eyeball on that sucker and you've got yourself a Bob!

Heck, now I'm inspired to go make some blue jello mounds with eyeballs. Then I'll bring them to the IMAX theater, and chuck 'em at the candy-wrapper-crinkling, seat-kicking, cell-phone-answering, talking-the-ENTIRE-TIME pests who sit behind me. "Who's 3D now, jerk-faces? Huh? HUH? SHWA-POW! Bob in the face!"

Friday, March 27, 2009

Friday, March 27, 2009

I recently saw on Neatorama that "Tough Times are Good for Vasectomies". Apparently the current economic rough patch has more and more folks turning to the "cheapest form of permanent birth control".

So in addition to an increase in sales of frozen peas, I guess this means we'll also be seeing less of these:

And more of these:

I think my favorite part on this one is the random sombrero: like the doctor would come in, consult his clipboard, and say, "Ok, Mr. Smith, I am going to need you to remove all your clothes... but feel free to keep that bitchin' sombrero on."

And on a personal note, my hubby John would like to remind all of you fellas out there that the ol' snip-snip is only the cheapest form of birth control if you do it without general anesthesia, which, according to him, "would totally have been worth the extra two grand".

[eye roll] Men. A little scrotum-puncturing and tube-cauterizing and they turn into such babies.

Liz P., Michael W., & Jessica G., Ole!

Note: The "We have a runner" cake is by the fabulous Cakeworks - be sure to check their site for more hilarious designs.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Look, I don't want to come across as some non-happening, behind-the-times, totally square fuss pot*, but...

Wassup with all the undead wedding cakes?

Creepy-crawly bugs and tongue-kissing skeletons, oh my!

You'd think you'd only see something like this for a Halloween wedding - if ever - but zombie mania is infecting the masses, and like a gnawed off limb, it sure ain't pretty.

Ok, so that was a massive understatement. Bleeeech.

You don't need fancy tier cakes to pull off a "deadly" wedding theme, though. And if you can't afford the tongue-kissing skeleton topper, well hey, that's just what the good Lord invented edible photo paper for!

Yes, I am cheating a little here; this is actually just the groom's cake, not the wedding cake.

This is the wedding cake:

As if the toe tags, "Til Death" inscription and creepy "last embrace" foot positioning weren't enough, I think that's supposed to be ashes sprinkled down the sides. Perhaps this is the happy couples' way of telling their families they prefer cremation?

Guys, I'm telling you, if you want to gross your guests out do it the old fashioned way: by ordering a fruit filling and letting it sit out too long:

Alright, guys, you tell me: am I coming down too hard on undead wedding cakes? Have you seen a zombie/skeleton/vampire one done well? Then send it to me at Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com, and maybe I'll feature it this Sunday.

*Particularly since I already did such a good job of that last Thursday.

UPDATE: To all the complainers in the comments: guys, lighten up. You really think I'm hating on goths because I think these cakes are Wrecks? Gimme a break! Wait'll you see this Sunday's selections, and *then* tell me I'm a goth-hater, ok? I'll show you how the undead look should be done. Related Wreckage: Spooktacular Wedding Cakes

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

I think I've let the Star Wars fervor sparked by the awesomeness that was the Vader Baby Shower cake and Yoda's Stint in Cake Decorating die down long enough. Now it's time to visit the other side of the spectrum, where we will delve into the true mysteries of the galaxy, and ask the one question every brave soul must answer before continuing on his or her quest to become a true Jedi:

"Chewbacca? Is that you?"

Of course this question is often made more difficult by Chewy's striking resemblance to Big Foot:

His mixed lineage of both Ewok and Muppet ancestry:

Dirty Muppets, I might add.

And his constant, never-ending battle with constipation:

"Dude, what did I say about having 12 cheese burritos for dinner? Huh?"

Tanita S., Sarah S., & Kaye B., I know this is old news, but have you seen the Wookiee model nightstand? All the scruffy-looking Nerf herders have them.

UPDATE: You guys continue to amaze me with your awesomeness. Madalina, creator of the Constipated Chewy, wrote in to tell me she's NOT a professional baker - so that's a definite my bad - but that she's fine with it remaining here. "I still get a laugh looking at it," she wrote, "and hope that it makes other people laugh too!" Thanks, Madalina, and may I say it's my hope that someday ALL bakers have your grace and good humor?

And as for the rest of you: Be sure to check out Madalina's blog Duh-Licious and show her some love, k?

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

It's your birthday! Have a ball!

No, seriously. Have a ball:

"Look at all the extra care the baker took in crafting this lovely...round...spherical...ball-like thing for your birthday! That random capitalization and uncrossed 't' really add to the post-modernistic feel, too, don't you think?

Monday, March 23, 2009

Monday, March 23, 2009

Yeah, yeah, guys, I get it: you want your cake to show some personality, reflect your interests, and ideally gross-out the in-laws. But really, a giant dead animal on your wedding day? Really? This must be another time when my plumbing prevents me from grasping the intricacies of the male mind.

At least this one's still showing some signs of life:

Well, as much as the baker, anyway. (Ah, candid photos, how we loathe thee.)

Oh no, but look! He's sinking into the Swamps of Sadness! Fight against the sadness, Artax! Don't let it get to you! Just because you're about to be carved up and served on camouflage-print paper plates is no reason to get all down in the dumps! Artaaaaax!!

[sniffle] Sorry. I hate that part of the movie.

Ok, where were we? Oh, right, at the economy section:

Sure, it doesn't feed many people, but then no one will want to eat it anyway. See? A win-win. Plus, mad props to the garnisher; those green spriggy bits are really classing the joint up.

(By the fabulous Tara of Tara's Cakes, who has an equally fabulous sense of humor.)

Like so.

I know we shouldn't look a gift deer in the mouth, but those buck teeth* are cracking me up. I can almost hear him saying, "Gawrsh! Why don't you carve yourself a slice? Ahuck!"

Still, I'll take goofy over spooky any day. And I'm not sure there's a chipper enough party hat in all the world to uncreepify this guy:

Sure, he's smiling, but that smile never quite reaches his eyes, you know? And he won't stop staring, like he knows something I don't.Hey, you lookin' at me, punk? Yeah? Well quit your smirking, or I'll break your antlers off!

Oh, I'm sorry; I see someone already did. Huh. That had to hurt. Well, never mind.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Buttercream icing, that is.

Yep, here's another fondant-free installment for you purists out there. I've got nothing against fondant per se, but I do agree that all-icing decorations are much yummier. Besides, it's nice to see what cake artists can come up with when they're limited to non-fondant options.

First up, Alison B. of Town Lake Cakes certainly knows where the wild things are:

Alison, will you tell us your secret to drawing such perfect characters? I'm guessing you used either a stencil or possibly hand-drawn chocolate transfers - am I close? Of course, whatever you used, I love the result.

Speaking of love, I am gaga for the bright colors and glass-smooth icing on this Abby Cadabby cake Shelly M. got for her daughter's birthday:

Isn't it adorable? And you'd really never know it wasn't fondant, the lines are so clean. The bakers over at The Cake Stand in McKinney, Texas clearly have some mad skilz.

You know how we're always getting down on grocery-store decorators? Well believe it or not, not all of them are illiterate goofballs; some of them are real artists. And a few of these artists are determined to change my mind on the horror of CCCs. Yeah, like that's gonna happen. [eye roll]

However, I will grudgingly admit that this Squidward CCC is darn impressive:

The decorator in question whipped this up for a customer on the spot at the grocery store where s/he works, but asked to remain anonymous. For those of you not up on your Sponge Bob characters, here's a reference shot of Squidward:

Nice, huh? Or at least, it looks like him. ;)

And lastly, Jody H.'s creation - also a Cupcake Cake, and also all buttercream - is flatly astounding:

Wait, wait, wait. A CCC...with airbrushing... and it's NOT a WRECK?!? I think my head may implode: clearly we've entered some kind of parallel universe here.

Oh, and if you don't recognize Jose, the famous "Jalapeno on a Steeck", watch this:(Note to moms: vid includes mild language.)

Friday, March 20, 2009

Friday, March 20, 2009

I know, I know: it's been forever since I posted a new shirt design. And obviously you all are just wasting away from a lack of proper Wreckwear selection. Sorry. I've been writing Cake Wrecks the book, and with a mid-April deadline it's all I can do to keep the daily posts coming some days. (Excuses, excuses...)

Well anyway, here's a quickie for ya. After the surprising popularity of the Sailor Blobs yesterday, I whipped up this little number:Which I think is pretty darn cute, if I do say so myself. It also looks great on a white t-shirt, which you can see here, or on yellow or lime*.

I posted the design here and not the shirt view because the text is hard to see clearly over on Zazzle. Check the store for other goodies, and let me know if you'd like to see something there that isn't.

And as always, if you have a Cake Wrecks shirt design you want me to feature, e-mail it to me! If I use it, I'll link to your store or site both on Zazzle and here on the blog.

Thanks, all! Wreck on!

*As with everything on Zazzle, you can change the shirt's color and style by clicking "select a different shirt style" in the upper right-hand corner of the product page.

My issues with baby shower cakes are well-documented. And while I don't plan to have kids myself, I know that the whole if/when/how many thing on the kid-front is a huge, life-changing decision.

So on behalf of myself and childless women everywhere, I'd just like to say the following.

Attention Baby Shower Cake Creators: You're SO Not Helping.

Seriously, would YOU want to give birth after seeing this cake?

Helen S., I can't tell if that's mom's front or backside, but either way I think I'd be shoving the sucker back in.

Not that showing the (anatomically) correct egress is any better, though:

Egads! I've heard of childbirth making your legs feel all rubbery, Greg C., but this is just ridiculous. Plus, I thought that the First Censored Cake Wreck would dissuade this kind of thing. Well hellooo, backfire!

I mean it, ladies: stop with the fondant genitalia on shower cakes already! Yeesh, it's bad enough seeing it in all of your "Check Out this Hi-LAR-ious Wreck from Master Bakers!" e-mails. [shudder] Nightmares, folks: I have them*.

Now, if you really want to give me a little pick-me-up (IF ya know whadda mean) why not send over some Trekkie goodness of the Vulcan variety? Or heck, I'll even take McCoy - or Sheppard or McKay, while we're on the geek streak. Just make sure they're tastefully done. So, you know, in lots of chocolate. [eyebrow waggle]

*Speaking of which, if you're not subscribed to my Twitter feed you missed out on some ripe hilarity of the "Jen's-too-naive-to-know-what-this-naughty-word-means" yesterday. Check it out, if you dare....

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I make no bones about my bid for Wrecky World Domination, and I think you'll all agree that Cake Wrecks is an excellent model for government. [insert joke about Wrecky administrations here]

Anyway, I can tell my evil plan is working, in part, by the number of Carrot Jockeys successfully infiltrating society at large. Here are just a few of the NMBCJ sitings I've had reported:

Here they are flying/gallivanting in classic carrot formation through Mallory H.'s home...

Spreading spelling errors in Ann S.'s...

Terrorizing Jennifer and Krista in their "stealth CCC" mode...

Circling up for a little Jockey powwow over at Maggie H.'s...

And even easing the pain of "workforce reduction" over at Ryan J.'s.*

You know how ELSE I can tell my bid for Wrecky World Domination is working? By winning all three Bloggies Cake Wrecks was nominated for at the Ninth Annual Weblog Awards on Monday. That's right, my loyal wrecky henchpersons, thanks to you Cake Wrecks is "officially" the Best New Blog, Best Writing of a Blog, and Best Food Blog** of 2008. Woot woot!

Next stop: Disneyland. That's right; I shall not rest until I've ridden the Matterhorn enough times to make myself physically ill. And that, my friends, is a campaign promise. [nodding seriously]

*In case you're wondering what that is, Ryan explains "We had trouble finding anything like the babies from the infamous cake screw-up, so we used a rubber fetus we had laying around. Don't ask me why we have a rubber fetus hanging around." Roger on that, Ryan; I won't ask.

** As sweet as victory is, the fact is I've never considered CW a "Food Blog", and feel undeserving each time an award site places it in that category. So allow me to to give a shout-out to the other, more appropriate, nominees in that category. If you like to cook, or even to just read about people who do, check them out:

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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

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