How I Learned to Appreciate the Moment When It's Happening

I don't want to bore anyone with the details, but a few years ago I found myself in a bad place. A really bad place. I was living in Los Angeles, three thousand miles away from my family, and in the blink of an eye it seemed like all of my friends decided to move out of the city, and my then-boyfriend/now-husband left for a year to tour around the country with his band. I was lonely. Seriously lonely. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't somewhat depressed.

But when I think about that time in my life now, sometimes it seems... nice. I certainly wouldn't want to go back to that period -- definitely not -- but it's so grossly different from the messy, chaotic, exhausting life I live now. It almost seems like another person's life. I promise I'm not complaining, I truly love my life. But some days, when I'm running on four hours sleep; realize I haven't been to the gym in, oh, about a year; and am cleaning up various bodily fluids off of the floor from a toddler who's potty training, I realize, "Hey, there were actually some good aspects to that seemingly-terrible time in my life."

Where am I going this? Well, the other day I had a bit of an epiphany. I was cruising up and down the aisles of Target with my two-year old in the cart when I saw a mom with a child who was about one year old having a hard time. Her son kept trying to climb out of the cart and, naturally, she kept trying to sit him back down. Futilely. It was clear that this mother was frustrated, annoyed and probably not going to get a quarter of the errands she wanted to take care of done.

A year or so ago, that was me. Every time I took my daughter out, she tried to climb out of the cart, and needless to say, there were times (many times) that it proved to be a huge pain. There was a period when it was the norm for me to leave stores in a huff, my shopping cart full of stuff behind, nearly on the verge of tears. In those moments, life felt impossible.

But one day, my daughter just... stopped. No, really, it happened out of nowhere. We were walking through some store or another when I realized that my girl had been perfectly content the entire time we were there. And I had gotten stuff done! And it was actually fun and a generally pleasant experience! I, of course, was thrilled that my daughter had magically hit this "milestone," but when I saw that woman struggling with her baby, I got a little sad. My toddler, with her dangling legs and long hair, seemed so... big. For a few moments, I secretly wished I could go back to the time when she was incredibly difficult to take places. I can't even really tell you why. I just did.

On the ride home from the store, I started to think about that time in Los Angles when I, to put it frankly, was hating life. I thought about how now, when I think of that year, I often focus on the good: the fact that my apartment was always spotless; I was well-rested; and in peak physical condition from having so much time to devote to exercise. And then I thought about how, not but five minutes ago, I was reminiscing about another situation I had perceived to be difficult at the time in a positive way.

Notice a pattern?

As parents, we're constantly being told to "enjoy it, because it goes so fast," and while I happen to not be particularly fond of that statement, because, good lord, talk about pressure, it's true -- for all aspects of life. What seems awful or hard now very well may wind up being something we one day look back on with fondness (getting up in the middle of the night with a newborn, anyone?).

After I had that realization, I've made much more of a concerted effort to, at the risk of sounding cheesy, not sweat the small stuff when it comes to being a parent. I can't say I've managed to whole-heartedly live my life this way -- always being present, never getting annoyed, never complaining -- but the times that I do, which are more often now, I notice how much more joyful both my daughter and I feel.

And I've gotta say: Knowing that I'm appreciating what I've got when I've got it, as opposed to when the moment is long gone, is a really nice thing to experience.

Nicole Fabian-Weber

Nicole Fabian-Weber is the mama to a sweet toddler girl with a little boy on the way! She lives outside of New York City and writes for various websites.

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