tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119701174666802342Thu, 07 Sep 2017 23:23:25 +0000FatheringAddiction Recovery Music LyricsMandalaRelationshipsAddictionsComing into WholenessDrug EducationFearGeelong AdvertiserJournal WritingShameGeelong Men's Counselling ServiceFacilitating self development &amp; growth for men &amp; their partners in the journey of deeper empowerment.http://geelongmenscounsellingservice.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.com (Mark Randall)Blogger59125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119701174666802342.post-547280089066776647Sat, 05 Dec 2015 05:55:00 +00002015-12-04T21:55:29.220-08:00Tapping into Your Resilience After Abuse | World of Psychology<a href="http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2015/12/04/tapping-into-your-resilience-after-abuse/#.VmJ8RBDunRc.blogger">Tapping into Your Resilience After Abuse | World of Psychology</a><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~4/LkfPjDOSxus" height="1" width="1" alt=""/>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~3/LkfPjDOSxus/tapping-into-your-resilience-after.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Mark Randall)0http://geelongmenscounsellingservice.blogspot.com/2015/12/tapping-into-your-resilience-after.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119701174666802342.post-2332602139010732146Wed, 17 Jun 2015 02:32:00 +00002015-06-16T19:32:58.652-07:00From womb to world -- the journey that shapes our life: Anna Verwaal at ...<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/bZ6gLGCy84o" width="480"></iframe><br /><br /><br /><br />Transpersonal Therapies via Stan Grof recognises and processes womb experiences - paradise or toxic womb experiences.<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~4/PGkcz6NhdTs" height="1" width="1" alt=""/>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~3/PGkcz6NhdTs/from-womb-to-world-journey-that-shapes.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Mark Randall)0http://geelongmenscounsellingservice.blogspot.com/2015/06/from-womb-to-world-journey-that-shapes.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119701174666802342.post-303049075146214145Sat, 30 May 2015 04:23:00 +00002015-05-29T21:23:11.791-07:00Can Mindfulness Help Adults Who Were Abused as Children?<a href="http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/can_mindfulness_help_adults_who_were_abused_as_children">Can Mindfulness Help Adults Who Were Abused as Children?</a><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~4/LOfqOX33H2Y" height="1" width="1" alt=""/>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~3/LOfqOX33H2Y/can-mindfulness-help-adults-who-were.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Mark Randall)0http://geelongmenscounsellingservice.blogspot.com/2015/05/can-mindfulness-help-adults-who-were.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119701174666802342.post-800701006625469264Mon, 11 May 2015 00:28:00 +00002015-05-10T17:28:11.636-07:00Carl Hart, "HIGH PRICE: A Neuroscientist's Journey of Self-Discovery Tha...<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/PdsN_vYZ3w8" width="480"></iframe><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~4/7QiZm3rd-l8" height="1" width="1" alt=""/>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~3/7QiZm3rd-l8/carl-hart-high-price-neuroscientists.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Mark Randall)0http://geelongmenscounsellingservice.blogspot.com/2015/05/carl-hart-high-price-neuroscientists.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119701174666802342.post-7187693095159022876Sat, 09 May 2015 07:56:00 +00002015-05-09T00:56:33.144-07:00What is a Personality Disorder? Definition, Causes, Effects - HealthyPlace<a href="http://www.healthyplace.com/personality-disorders/personality-disorders-information/what-is-a-personality-disorder-definition-causes-effects/#.VU23o6IY7qY.blogger">What is a Personality Disorder? Definition, Causes, Effects - HealthyPlace</a><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~4/bk5SQqDBkJU" height="1" width="1" alt=""/>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~3/bk5SQqDBkJU/what-is-personality-disorder-definition.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Mark Randall)0http://geelongmenscounsellingservice.blogspot.com/2015/05/what-is-personality-disorder-definition.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119701174666802342.post-1102003211874421180Tue, 30 Dec 2014 05:50:00 +00002014-12-29T21:50:52.838-08:00Jefferson Airplane "White Rabbit" - used in therapeutic group as a reminder of what not to do.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowFullScreen='true' webkitallowfullscreen='true' mozallowfullscreen='true' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/XR8LFNUr3vw?feature=player_embedded' FRAMEBORDER='0' /></div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="MsoNormal"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: &quot;Book Antiqua&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 16.0pt;">Jefferson Airplane: “White Rabbit”&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; (1)<o:p></o:p></span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: &quot;Book Antiqua&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">Lyrics:</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: &quot;Book Antiqua&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: &quot;Book Antiqua&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small <br />And the ones that mother gives you, don't do anything at all <br /><br />Go ask Alice, when she's ten feet tall <br /><br />And if you go chasing rabbits, and you know you're going to fall <br />Tell 'em a hookah-smoking caterpillar has given you the call <br /><br />And call Alice, when she was just small <br /><br />When the men on the chessboard get up and tell you where to go <br />And you've just had some kind of mushroom, and your mind is moving low <br /><br />Go ask Alice, I think she'll know <br /><br />When logic and proportion have fallen sloppy dead <br />And the white knight is talking backwards <br />And the red queen's off with her head <br />Remember what the dormouse said <br />Feed your head, feed your head<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: &quot;Book Antiqua&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">(Source: http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/White-Rabbit-lyrics-Jefferson-Airplane/7109AE560A05F54748256BF40008120A)<o:p></o:p></span></div></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~4/PmO__DPpY1A" height="1" width="1" alt=""/>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~3/PmO__DPpY1A/jefferson-airplane-white-rabbit-used-in.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Mark Randall)0http://geelongmenscounsellingservice.blogspot.com/2014/12/jefferson-airplane-white-rabbit-used-in.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119701174666802342.post-4932950592489646825Mon, 29 Dec 2014 23:51:00 +00002014-12-29T15:51:20.524-08:00Drug & Alcohol Music - Once Used in Therapeutic Recovery Group 'A.B...Z of Making Changes'<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowFullScreen='true' webkitallowfullscreen='true' mozallowfullscreen='true' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/C39kQoprfP0?feature=player_embedded' FRAMEBORDER='0' /></div><br /><br /><br /><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: &quot;Book Antiqua&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 16.0pt;">Rolling Stones – Sister Morphine&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;(4)<o:p></o:p></span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: &quot;Book Antiqua&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;">Lyrics<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: &quot;Book Antiqua&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;">Here I lie in my hospital bed<br />Tell me, sister morphine, when are you coming round again? <br />Oh, I don't think I can wait that long<br />Oh, you see that Im not that strong<br /><!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br /><!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: &quot;Book Antiqua&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;"><br />The scream of the ambulance is sounding in my ears<br />Tell me, sister morphine, how long have I been lying here? <br />What am I doing in this place? <br />Why does the doctor have no face? <br /><!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br /><!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: &quot;Book Antiqua&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;"><br />Oh, I can't crawl across the floor<br />Ah, can't you see, sister morphine, Im trying to score<br /><!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br /><!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: &quot;Book Antiqua&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;"><br />Well it just goes to show<br />Things are not what they seem<br />Please, sister morphine, turn my nightmares into dreams<br />Oh, can't you see Im fading fast? <br />And that this shot will be my last<br /><!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br /><!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: &quot;Book Antiqua&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;"><br />Sweet cousin cocaine, lay your cool cool hand on my head<br />Ah, come on, sister morphine, you better make up my bed<br />Cause you know and I know in the morning I'll be dead<br />Yeah, and you can sit around, yeah and you can watch all the<br />Clean white sheets stained red.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: &quot;Book Antiqua&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">(Source: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/rollingstones/sistermorphine.html)<o:p></o:p></span></div></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~4/_7mveQJlw_w" height="1" width="1" alt=""/>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~3/_7mveQJlw_w/drug-alcohol-music-once-used-in_29.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Mark Randall)0http://geelongmenscounsellingservice.blogspot.com/2014/12/drug-alcohol-music-once-used-in_29.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119701174666802342.post-4086445399022330349Mon, 29 Dec 2014 23:27:00 +00002014-12-29T15:27:58.978-08:00Drug & Alcohol Music - Once Used in Therapeutic Recovery Group 'A.B...Z of Making Changes'<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowFullScreen='true' webkitallowfullscreen='true' mozallowfullscreen='true' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/-s5wPO-QcVw?feature=player_embedded' FRAMEBORDER='0' /></div><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><br /></div><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: &quot;Century Schoolbook&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 14.0pt;">(Album – When Life Gives You Lemons, You Paint That Shit Gold)<o:p></o:p></span></b></div><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: &quot;Century Schoolbook&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 14.0pt;">(Atmosphere)<o:p></o:p></span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: &quot;Century Schoolbook&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 20.0pt;">[27]</span></b><b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: &quot;Georgia&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </span></b><b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: &quot;Century Schoolbook&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 14.0pt;">Lyrics – “Your Glasshouse”</span></b><b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: &quot;Georgia&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: &quot;Century Schoolbook&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;">Woke up to that familiar feeling,<br />Starin' at an unfamiliar ceiling.<br />Still got your jeans on, but you're topless,<br />Headache and the stomach feels nauseous.<br />Grab your shirt off the bedroom floor,<br />Recollect the night before.<br />How'd ya get from the bar to this matress, <br />And when ya got here then what happened?<br />And where's the who that lives here, <br />In this house wanna figure out how'd ya get here<br />But the though got cut by nature,<br />Find the bathroom the gut got anger<br />Here it comes can't avoid it, <br />Ain't the first time throwin up in this strange toilet.<br />Anyone else would leave,<br />But you, you crawled back to the bed and fell back asleep.<br /><br />[Chorus]<br />All we need is "because"!<br />Come and party with us!<br />Take care of you when your passed out,<br />Right there with you in your glass house.<br /><br />All we need is "because"!<br />Come and party with us!<br />Take care of you when your passed out,<br />Right there with you in your glass house.<br /><br /><br />Woke up all alone with no friends, <br />But you had to throw up again.<br />Choke up the tears and the spit, <br />Grab some tissue to wipe off your lips.<br />And everything still spins, <br />And then the chills begin and then the<br />"God, please kill me, right now" hits, <br />And you still don't know whos house this is.<br />In between left over dry-heaves, <br />Your trying to check out your time piece <br />And you should call your job <br />But first gotta turn this hangover off <br />You dream that it's just a dream, <br />Until the phone in your pocket starts to scream <br />Shut it down, don't wanna hear a sound, <br />Heavy as the head that wears that crown now.<br /><br />[Chorus]<br />All we need is "because"!<br />Come and party with us!<br />Take care of you when your passed out,<br />Right there with you in your glass house.<br /><br />All we need is "because"!<br />Come and party with us!<br />Take care of you when your passed out,<br />Right there with you in your glass house.<br /><br />Hangover ain't a strong enough word, <br />It don't describe what just occurred.<br />Lookin' at a phone full of missed calls, <br />Probably all the people that you pissed off.<br />Everything seems so sour, <br />So you forced yourself into the shower. <br />Standin' up brings out the stars, <br />And the whole bathroom smells just like a dive bar.<br />Can't do it, better sit, <br />And let the tub be the catchers mitt. <br />Lay down face down,<br />Thank god whoever lives here ain't around. <br />Now what you need is silence,<br />And you don't want no one to see you like this.<br />Maybe you don't recognize it,<br />But this is your home this is where your life lives.<br /><br />[Chorus]<br />All we need is "because"!<br />Come and party with us!<br />Take care of you when your passed out,<br />Right there with you in your glass house.<br /><br />All we need is "because"!<br />Come and party with us!<br />Take care of you when your passed out,<br />Right there with you in your glass house.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">(Source: http://www.metrolyrics.com/your-glasshouse-lyrics-atmosphere.html)</span><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~4/93r_I3WbIHs" height="1" width="1" alt=""/>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~3/93r_I3WbIHs/drug-alcohol-music-once-used-in.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Mark Randall)0http://geelongmenscounsellingservice.blogspot.com/2014/12/drug-alcohol-music-once-used-in.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119701174666802342.post-5437009380601451151Mon, 29 Dec 2014 05:24:00 +00002014-12-28T21:24:26.462-08:00Gabor Mate - The Hungry Ghost - The Biopsychosocial Perspective of Addic...Dr Gabor Mate - as a Medical practitioner is it brilliant to hear him acknowledge the role of Western medicine and believes and outlines the broader realms of what can in the human being facilitate an addiction. He is not stuck in the medical model and explores and acknowledges the other realms of the human psyche to the development of addiction.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/_KTqCmajPGk" width="480"></iframe><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~4/l5mOxj5pwqI" height="1" width="1" alt=""/>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~3/l5mOxj5pwqI/gabor-mate-hungry-ghost-biopsychosocial.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Mark Randall)0http://geelongmenscounsellingservice.blogspot.com/2014/12/gabor-mate-hungry-ghost-biopsychosocial.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119701174666802342.post-215410925419136569Sat, 20 Dec 2014 00:15:00 +00002014-12-19T16:15:34.293-08:00“Post-Traumatic Growth” — Three Words Every Depressed Person Should Hear | Leveraging Adversity<br /><br /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">An interesting article on how we can react depressively to traumatic events within our lives in the initial stages but through trauma we can attain new meaning(s) in life. However, be assured it may not be experienced or feel that way during the dark time of the trauma - it may seem like the opposite - hell and no light at the end of the tunnel.&nbsp;</span><br /><br /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span><br /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Whilst the definition of trauma used in the article is, "anything that either causes a person to fear for his/her life, or the life of anyone else, or anything that causes a person to become emotionally overwhelmed" (Claire Dorotik-Nana). However, trauma is not necessarily generic and each individual experiences trauma differently. The loss of a relationship, the loss of employment or such events that causes a person to become emotionally overwhelmed.&nbsp;</span><br /><br /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span><br /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">One of the terms used in the article, "illusory growth" - 'everything is great when the reality is different' - &nbsp;is a strong defence mechanism I experience in working with men in coming to terms with trauma in their lives. Examples are, "she'll be right", "it's all good" are not uncommon responses in their therapeutic process. Whilst the defence mechanism is necessary it may and can serve to prevent positive self development as defined by Tedeshi and Calhoun.&nbsp;</span><br /><br /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span><br /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Learning to process trauma is important to our psychological growth and self efficacy. To sight the quote from Dorotik-Nana;&nbsp;According to Richard Tedeshi and Lawrence Calhoun, authors of,&nbsp;<em>The Handbook of Post-Traumatic Growth: Research and Practice,</em>&nbsp;“The struggle to find new meaning in the aftermath of the trauma is crucial to positive psychological growth, as well as the acceptance that personal distress and growth can co-exist, and often do, while these new&nbsp;meanings are crafted” (Tedeshi &amp;Calhoun, 2004).</span><br /><br /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span><br /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Whilst working through trauma is extremely painful and all of our defense mechanism want to kick in to protect us - Dorotik-Nana suggests the five positive realms of post traumatic growth being. To quote:&nbsp;</span><br /><br /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span><br /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">- "A&nbsp;greater appreciation for life;</span><br /><br /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">- An openness to new possibilities;</span><br /><br /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">- A greater sense of personal strength;</span><br /><br /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">- A deepening of relationships;</span><br /><br /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">- A deepening of spirituality"</span><br /><br /><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span><br /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">As we drag ourselves out of the darkness and pain of trauma - life does present itself with renewed possibilities or perhaps we are more open to attract such possibilities and deepening of relationships with ourselves and other</span><br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://blogs.psychcentral.com/leveraging-adversity/2014/12/post-traumatic-growth-three-words-every-depressed-person-should-hear/#.VJS1UXRo0U0.blogger">“Post-Traumatic Growth” — Three Words Every Depressed Person Should Hear | Leveraging Adversity</a><br /><br /><br /><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~4/OTbot8P94so" height="1" width="1" alt=""/>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~3/OTbot8P94so/post-traumatic-growth-three-words-every.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Mark Randall)0http://geelongmenscounsellingservice.blogspot.com/2014/12/post-traumatic-growth-three-words-every.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119701174666802342.post-8273667761069088885Tue, 16 Dec 2014 10:56:00 +00002014-12-16T02:56:03.338-08:00Why We Justify Regrettable Actions: A Psychological Perspective | Healing Together for CouplesAn interesting article on why we appear to have a need to self justify even when the evidence highlights clearly the error. The process is defined as cognitive dissonance - how we move past it is in accepting our mistakes and use them as tools for self growth. The need to self justify can be a significant trait to help us maintain some self efficacy - however how authentic is this self efficacy? The shame of a mistake in thought, deed or action - is meeting some inner need - being authentic to that need - will mitigate the ongoing need to self justify. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://blogs.psychcentral.com/healing-together/2014/12/why-we-justify-regrettable-actions-a-psychological-perspective/#.VJANwQN9WHk.blogger">Why We Justify Regrettable Actions: A Psychological Perspective | Healing Together for Couples</a><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~4/SojbF6ln7wk" height="1" width="1" alt=""/>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~3/SojbF6ln7wk/why-we-justify-regrettable-actions.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Mark Randall)0http://geelongmenscounsellingservice.blogspot.com/2014/12/why-we-justify-regrettable-actions.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119701174666802342.post-8298132409868080942Sat, 25 Oct 2014 23:49:00 +00002014-10-25T16:49:59.741-07:00Addiction, Stress & Cortisol - not so good for....Recovery <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="outline: none; padding: 0px 0px 20px;"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);">&nbsp;In addictions the person experiencing it generally can be known in mental health circles to be 'Acopic', poor impulse control etc. &nbsp;The reality is life triggers plenty of stressors potentially impacting on all realms of our psyche - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.&nbsp;</span></div><div style="outline: none; padding: 0px 0px 20px;"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);">A massive stressor in early recovery at the pre-contemplative and contemplative stage is the internal fight to use or not use. The "no" and the "yes" fight that goes on the ones creates huge stress in the brain and mind. At this point does that trigger the brain to start producing cortisol? Ask someone experiencing addiction in the early stages and the "yes" invariably wins. Is this in part because they want to use or is it in part as well due to what such stress produces in the brain?</span></div><div style="outline: none; padding: 0px 0px 20px;"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);">In a recent blog from The Cabin Chiangmai the following information about cortisol is noted:</span></div><div style="outline: none; padding: 0px 0px 20px;"><img alt="" src="http://www.thecabinchiangmai.com/userfiles/image/Ebook/136324.png" style="border: 1px solid rgb(225, 225, 225); float: right; height: 251px; margin: 0px 0px 0px 5px; max-width: 993px; outline: none; padding: 0px; width: 180px;" /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"In response to a stressor, the human brain releases hormones, chemicals and neurotransmitters nicknamed chemical “messengers”. First corticotrophin-releasing factor (CRF) is released, which triggers adrenocorticotropin (ACTH), which stimulates the adrenal glands, and cortisol is produced. When cortisol is present in the blood stream, it tells the brain that CRF and ACTH do not need to be produced any longer (unless it is a particularly serious stressor.)</span></div><div style="outline: none; padding: 0px 0px 20px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">A study of addicts performed at Rockefeller University involved stopping the production of cortisol in both drug users and non-drug users. Each person was given a pill that stopped the production of cortisol. In those who were not using drugs, the lack of cortisol production caused high levels of ACTH. In those who had recently used heroin, ACTH increased only slightly. When researchers tested a group of people who were in withdrawal from opiates, the ACTH levels doubled that of the non-using group, showing that the brain of a drug addict in recovery is much more sensitive to stress, increasing the addict's susceptibility to relapse during stressful situations – especially within the first couple of years of recovery".</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">(Source:&nbsp;</span><a href="http://www.thecabinchiangmai.com/blog/how-mindfulness-works-in-addiction-recovery%23.VEwnf4tdaK0" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);" x-apple-data-detectors-result="0" x-apple-data-detectors-type="link" x-apple-data-detectors="true">http://www.thecabinchiangmai.com/blog/how-mindfulness-works-in-addiction-recovery#.VEwnf4tdaK0</a>)</div><div><br /></div><div>Whilst it's a double edge sword - I have also read the brain does not cope well with too much cortisol in the system. Does it make an addict acopic or due to life experiences they have more of a susceptibility?&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div style="outline: none; padding: 0px 0px 20px;"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);"><br /></span></div><div style="outline: none; padding: 0px 0px 20px;"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);"><br /></span></div><div><br /></div></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~4/dcMugHATXFM" height="1" width="1" alt=""/>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~3/dcMugHATXFM/addiction-stress-cortisol-not-so-good.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Mark Randall)0http://geelongmenscounsellingservice.blogspot.com/2014/10/addiction-stress-cortisol-not-so-good.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119701174666802342.post-6294938304406754802Sat, 18 Oct 2014 12:00:00 +00002014-10-18T05:01:58.650-07:00Happy Music<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Pharrell Williams song Happy highlighted for possible use in helping patients to tackle their own problems.&nbsp;</span><br /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">It is a wonderful tune and does have lifting qualities. In the addiction recovery group A.B....Z of Making Changes we always started the group with music and closed with music. I intend to put all the songs and lyrics we used for other people to use. Sadly, the group got closed down.&nbsp;</span><br /><br /><a href="http://youtu.be/CEN9I8jJ0Nk">http://youtu.be/CEN9I8jJ0Nk</a></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~4/bjgeixIOqQQ" height="1" width="1" alt=""/>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~3/bjgeixIOqQQ/happy-music.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Mark Randall)0http://geelongmenscounsellingservice.blogspot.com/2014/10/happy-music.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119701174666802342.post-8354527938191567508Thu, 15 May 2014 11:29:00 +00002014-05-15T04:29:44.279-07:00Psilocybin inhibits the processing of negative emotions in the brain -- ScienceDaily<a href="http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/05/140507095756.htm#.U3SlB8ZqLLU.blogger">Psilocybin inhibits the processing of negative emotions in the brain -- ScienceDaily</a><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~4/g6Y-7ts3l6M" height="1" width="1" alt=""/>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~3/g6Y-7ts3l6M/psilocybin-inhibits-processing-of.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Mark Randall)0http://geelongmenscounsellingservice.blogspot.com/2014/05/psilocybin-inhibits-processing-of.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119701174666802342.post-8148775262954163407Mon, 21 Apr 2014 09:00:00 +00002014-04-21T02:00:22.339-07:00Helping Stepdads Adjust | Social Workers SpeakThe picture taken from the article hyperlinked below - says it all - for a lot of men experiencing the joys of step-parenting. Today's stepparenting is coloured by unfavourable history. Men do play important roles in step-parenting and great to see research happening on this issue.<br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="wp-caption alignright" id="attachment_9764" style="border: 3px double rgb(255, 255, 255); float: right; margin: 5px 0px 10px 22px; outline: none; padding: 10px 5px 10px 10px; text-align: center; width: 242px;"><img alt="Stepfathers often get a bad rap. Communication is a key to their becoming good parents, a new study says. Photo courtesy of msnbc.com." class="size-medium wp-image-9764 " height="300" src="http://www.socialworkersspeak.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/StepDad-232x300.jpg" style="border: 1px solid rgb(153, 153, 153); display: block; float: none; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 2px; text-align: start;" title="Stepfathers" width="232" /><div class="wp-caption-text" style="outline: none; padding: 5px 0px; text-align: start;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Stepfathers often get a bad rap. Communication is a key to their becoming good parents, a new study says. Photo courtesy of msnbc.com.</span></div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: #f5f3ee; font-family: Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: start;"><br /></div></div><br /><br /><a href="http://www.socialworkersspeak.org/research/helping-stepdads-adjust.html#sthash.G5vXYpTq.cmfs">Helping Stepdads Adjust | Social Workers Speak</a><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~4/HLVYLqMjCBc" height="1" width="1" alt=""/>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~3/HLVYLqMjCBc/helping-stepdads-adjust-social-workers.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Mark Randall)0http://geelongmenscounsellingservice.blogspot.com/2014/04/helping-stepdads-adjust-social-workers.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119701174666802342.post-7132154036799469874Sat, 19 Apr 2014 12:11:00 +00002014-04-19T05:11:27.837-07:00Identifying unexpected strengths in adolescentsA powerful article looking at identifying the positives within an adolescent's world. Building on them from their worlds is important. If they good at mastering sport - that is transferable.<br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://blog.oup.com/2014/04/identifying-unexpected-strengths-in-adolescents/#sthash.kmw6fLAJ.cmfs">Identifying unexpected strengths in adolescents</a><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~4/Qm7BbKYxwjo" height="1" width="1" alt=""/>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~3/Qm7BbKYxwjo/identifying-unexpected-strengths-in.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Mark Randall)0http://geelongmenscounsellingservice.blogspot.com/2014/04/identifying-unexpected-strengths-in.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119701174666802342.post-1686205882006475980Mon, 14 Apr 2014 02:37:00 +00002014-04-13T19:37:55.746-07:00Crack Cocaine in the Headlines - 'Denial Is Used by Big People'Fortunately for us in Australia we don't appear to have too many issues with crack cocaine. &nbsp;What this article is expressing is the fact that when people who have the attached "celebrity" status it is important to recognise how their behaviour can influence people into modelling them.<br /><br /><br /><br />This is something that when influential people are caught in their addiction - they too can't see what influence their behaviour has. &nbsp;They too get caught up in the process of denial and that what they are doing is okay. &nbsp;Took the Mayor a long time to reconsider his position.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.thecabinchiangmai.com/blog/crack_cocaine_in_the_headlines#.U0tIyq2VuFQ.blogger">Crack Cocaine in the Headlines</a><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~4/6vE1XN2pAGM" height="1" width="1" alt=""/>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~3/6vE1XN2pAGM/crack-cocaine-in-headlines-denial-is.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Mark Randall)0http://geelongmenscounsellingservice.blogspot.com/2014/04/crack-cocaine-in-headlines-denial-is.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119701174666802342.post-615341971377523141Mon, 31 Mar 2014 23:58:00 +00002014-03-31T16:58:27.256-07:00Tara Brach: Decide On LoveThe practice of staying with "presence" is very important but it is not easy as when we get triggered our old stories can take over and with it - our associated hurts - hence we are in reaction to self protect.<br /><br /><br /><br />The process Tara used in the counselling session is not always easy for men - "just keep feeling what's inside to the situation and see what unfolds".... What unfolds may not be more "rationalisation of the story" but the feelings that are evoked in the situation. Feelings - what are they men will ask?<br /><br />Or, the most common response is, "I don't know". With practice and learning to listen within - the intuitive voice within "knows" - what feeling experiences are being experienced!<br /><br /><br /><br />When we can each share the experience of the feelings - it is not about blame or counter blame - listening, hearing and bring presence to the feelings instead of reacting, defending or avoiding.<br /><br /><br /><br />In the article, Jeff and his partner learnt to do meditation and to quote Jeff's experience:<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">......."Jeff nodded his agreement. “I realized that it’s not about getting from point A to point B,” he said with a smile. “It’s about bringing a full presence to point A, to the life of this moment, no matter what’s going on. The rest unfolds from there.”</span><br /><br /><br /><br />Getting from Point A to Point B is so important to men because when it's fixed and moved onto Point B we don't have to experience the discomfort difficult emotions and feelings. Learning to be with them is growth and healing.<br /><br /><br /><br />Enjoy the article.<br /><br /><br /><br />Kind regards Mark<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://blog.tarabrach.com/2014/03/decide-on-love.html?spref=bl">Tara Brach: Decide On Love</a>:<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~4/z2B9pOhFBVQ" height="1" width="1" alt=""/>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~3/z2B9pOhFBVQ/tara-brach-decide-on-love.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Mark Randall)0http://geelongmenscounsellingservice.blogspot.com/2014/03/tara-brach-decide-on-love.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119701174666802342.post-8538677256410850699Mon, 31 Mar 2014 22:13:00 +00002014-03-31T15:13:05.806-07:007 Honest Reasons Why Addicts Lie | Addiction RecoveryThe title of this article may seem like such a paradox! <br /><br /><br /><br />Family members and friends associated with someone in addiction may simply experience the 'lying' with belligerent frustration. &nbsp;When an addict, from a professional sense has been asked what they have been drinking or using - the general rule is add another 50% and multiply that again by 10. (A tad of embellishment!) but hopefully you might get the picture.<br /><br /><br /><br />I believe all human beings need to have some form of "ego self preservation". The dynamic of lying can be part of (rightly or wrongly) our self preservation - because to be truly honest and acknowledge my "temporary flaws" would my sense of self truly collapse?<br /><br /><br /><br />Unabated lying will eventually lead to the concept of 'rock bottom' - where the, then sense of self does truly collapse and it may need to do this several times over before a 'Phoenix phenomena' of change may arise.<br /><br /><br /><br />I have wondered how much of the denial and lying is about hiding the inherent "shame". Nobody starts out recreationally using alcohol and other drugs to become addicts. You know, at the age of 16 years old - yeah, 'I think I'll become an alcoholic' - sure!<br /><br /><br /><br />Unfortunately, what started out as "fun and party-time" becomes a pattern and when they recognise that other people have 'turn off' taps that they don't have the 'off-switch' - I wonder what might that do to their self esteem? Does the lying serve to self preserve a sense of self esteem? Or do they maintain a sense of denial to maintain the realms of euphoric fun?<br /><br /><br /><br />One of the saddest things is that 'lying to others' is 'lying to oneself'. I firmly believe that at some level in the addict's psyche they know of this "unauthentic ness" and choose not establish insight but choose to avoid it with euphoric states of altered states of consciousness - 'Scotty beam me up there's no......down here'!<br /><br /><br /><br />The article has some excellent strategies in addressing the lying.<br /><br /><br /><br />A further strategy to address someone's lying is to work with our own 'powerlessness' and 'helplessness' - maybe then we can change the our dynamic? Perhaps it would cut at some level in our psyche, an energetic connection the addict needs and/or feeds off - offering them the emotional excuses and/or triggers to use. Take this away and what is left for the addict? The free-fall to pain and growth to self-responsibility or another drink?<br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://blogs.psychcentral.com/addiction-recovery/2014/03/7-honest-reasons-why-addicts-lie/#.UznZnwarYbM.blogger">7 Honest Reasons Why Addicts Lie | Addiction Recovery</a><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~4/5i_LcA7rx7g" height="1" width="1" alt=""/>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~3/5i_LcA7rx7g/7-honest-reasons-why-addicts-lie.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Mark Randall)0http://geelongmenscounsellingservice.blogspot.com/2014/03/7-honest-reasons-why-addicts-lie.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119701174666802342.post-6578293125926319048Wed, 26 Mar 2014 07:07:00 +00002014-03-26T00:07:51.158-07:00AIPC Article Library | Understanding Self HarmingA good article on the issue of Self Harming a factor that some young people can engage in.<br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.aipc.net.au/articles/understanding-self-harming/#.UzJ8VDnq6-E.blogger">AIPC Article Library | Understanding Self Harming</a><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~4/vi1iqHwZ468" height="1" width="1" alt=""/>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~3/vi1iqHwZ468/aipc-article-library-understanding-self.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Mark Randall)0http://geelongmenscounsellingservice.blogspot.com/2014/03/aipc-article-library-understanding-self.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119701174666802342.post-5075035802980997038Mon, 17 Mar 2014 04:27:00 +00002014-03-16T21:27:22.801-07:00My Addiction, Through My EyesThis photographic journey is an amazing story of his/their experience of addiction. It is his story and the "experts" all have their opinions. &nbsp;It is an glamouring or telling "war stories" - just an honest account.<br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://nymag.com/news/features/heroin-graham-macindoe-2014-2/">My Addiction, Through My Eyes</a><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~4/0mng2MtOZsU" height="1" width="1" alt=""/>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~3/0mng2MtOZsU/my-addiction-through-my-eyes.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Mark Randall)0http://geelongmenscounsellingservice.blogspot.com/2014/03/my-addiction-through-my-eyes.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119701174666802342.post-1079416174354812428Sat, 15 Mar 2014 07:56:00 +00002014-03-15T00:56:00.364-07:00Accredited Mental Health Social Worker Logo<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">The Australian Association of Social Work has recenty registered Trade Mark Logos. &nbsp;As I am now an Accredited Mental Heath Social Worker we are now registered to use the following trade mark. &nbsp;This is an important step for Social Workers in Australia.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-d5Llllcp0wU/UyQGm9FJyzI/AAAAAAAAAVA/vFWpmPkJWX4/s1600/AASW-Accredited-Mental-Health-Social-Worker-R.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-d5Llllcp0wU/UyQGm9FJyzI/AAAAAAAAAVA/vFWpmPkJWX4/s1600/AASW-Accredited-Mental-Health-Social-Worker-R.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~4/M2N4qhrMYWQ" height="1" width="1" alt=""/>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~3/M2N4qhrMYWQ/accredited-mental-health-social-worker.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Mark Randall)0http://geelongmenscounsellingservice.blogspot.com/2014/03/accredited-mental-health-social-worker.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119701174666802342.post-5535844812217087675Fri, 14 Feb 2014 21:36:00 +00002014-02-14T13:36:08.602-08:00Spotting Active Addiction in Friends, Family, and Clients | Sex and Intimacy<a href="http://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex/2014/01/spotting-active-addiction-in-friends-family-and-clients/#.Uv6MIVuxBxw.blogger">Spotting Active Addiction in Friends, Family, and Clients | Sex and Intimacy</a><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~4/A_cHkm96Msg" height="1" width="1" alt=""/>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~3/A_cHkm96Msg/spotting-active-addiction-in-friends.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Mark Randall)0http://geelongmenscounsellingservice.blogspot.com/2014/02/spotting-active-addiction-in-friends.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119701174666802342.post-477531115933795387Sat, 08 Feb 2014 01:00:00 +00002014-02-07T17:00:24.227-08:00Envy<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">This article is written by Randi Kreger in Psychology Today. &nbsp;It is part of a series on narcissist personality disorder. I believe that we all have traits of narcissism however we are able to utilise our empathy and compassion - most people are ruled by their narcissist traits as their self esteem and self worth is in tact. Unfortunately in the narcissist's experience this is not the case and there is a lack of insight and awareness. Denial is safer - can't go there.<br /><br /><em style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><a class="pt-basics-link" href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/jealousy" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(153, 153, 153); border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-width: 1px; text-decoration: none;" title="Psychology Today looks at Jealousy">Envy</a>&nbsp;is at the core of my being: seething, foaming-at-the-mouth, destructive, morbid, and potent. I envy other people's&nbsp;<a class="pt-basics-link" href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/happiness" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(153, 153, 153); border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-width: 1px; text-decoration: none;" title="Psychology Today looks at Happiness">happiness</a>, possessions, accomplishments, status, spot in the limelight, contacts, you name it. I disguise my envy. I rationalize and intellectualize it. I do my utmost to ruin the source of my frustration while pretending to be his or her friend. I lie sleepless at night, rebelling impotently against the injustice of it all, that any one should surpass me, perfect as I am.</em><br /><em style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">My pathological spite drives me to extremes of behavior: I plot and provoke and collude and spread malicious&nbsp;<a class="pt-basics-link" href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/social-networking" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(153, 153, 153); border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-width: 1px; text-decoration: none;" title="Psychology Today looks at Social Networking">gossip</a>&nbsp;and strive to damage my opponent and reduce him. I imagine his downfall in great detail and revel in his forthcoming misery and&nbsp;<a class="pt-basics-link" href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/embarrassment" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(153, 153, 153); border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-width: 1px; text-decoration: none;" title="Psychology Today looks at Embarrassment">humiliation</a>.&nbsp;I spend inordinate amounts of time, resources, and mental energy on nurturing my envy and mollifying it.</em><br /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Sam Vaknin, author of&nbsp;<em>Malignant Self-Love:&nbsp;<a class="pt-basics-link" href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/narcissism" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(153, 153, 153); border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-width: 1px; text-decoration: none;" title="Psychology Today looks at Narcissism">Narcissism</a>&nbsp;Revisited</em></span><br /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Narcissists must be superior to others in every single way. So when someone else has something they don't have that they want: admiration, status, skills, objects, etc.--the narcissist sees it as a major threat. Like so much else in the narcissistic mind, it is&nbsp;<a class="pt-basics-link" href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/unconscious" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(153, 153, 153); border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-width: 1px; text-decoration: none;" title="Psychology Today looks at Unconscious">unconscious</a>, discounted and denied, which makes it more treacherous for the object of his envy. Sandy Hotchkiss, author of&nbsp;<em>Why Is It Always About You</em>, says, "To admit to envy would be to acknowledge inferiority, which no good narcissist would ever do."</span><br /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">So what he do? Unless he can take credit for the other person's good fortune (such as "my son must get that great quality from me") he:</span><br /><ul><li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Feels contempt for those he envies and puts them down vociferously--sometimes to their face, sometimes not. This restores his upside down world where he's always on top.</span></li><li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Can't share in the other person's happiness, which disappoints others or make them doubt themselves. Narcissists even envy others when they're the center of attention for a sad reason (deaths of loved ones, illnesses) and don't support them in their time of crisis.This is often a "light-bulb moment" and the last straw for partners who end the relationship.</span></li><li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Fantasizes about his own success (another DSM-IV narcissistic<a class="pt-basics-link" href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/personality" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(153, 153, 153); border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-width: 1px; text-decoration: none;" title="Psychology Today looks at Personality">trait</a>).</span></li><li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Indulges in self-soothing activity (gambling drinking,&nbsp;<a class="pt-basics-link" href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/sex" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(153, 153, 153); border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-width: 1px; text-decoration: none;" title="Psychology Today looks at Sex">sex</a>) to ward away feelings of defectiveness and shame.</span></li></ul><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">&nbsp;A vulnerable narcissist says:</span><br /><blockquote><em style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">When I see a plain-looking man with an attractive woman, I am instantly jealous. What the hell does he have that I don't that he gets that and I get nothing? When I am really down,&nbsp; looking at couples--not even attractive couples--makes me feel hurt. It's like for all that I have seen and understand about how people work and use it to manipulate them, I can't do the very most basic thing and just find someone who likes me for me. People do it all the time! Everywhere! Anyone! Looks, background, personality (or lack of), job aside, people find mates. I swear if I wasn't a narcissist I would be totally invisible.</em></blockquote><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">&nbsp;Partners of narcissists say:</span><br /><ul><li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">When an article about me was published in the local newspaper, he remarked that it was only in the community section that "only old people read." He will also remark negatively about people at his work who he thinks are unjustly in higher positions than he is, as he is 'much more intelligent' than them.</span></li><li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">When I would go out with my coworkers, who didn't put him on a pedestal, he would constantly text me and want my attention. It was my perception he would do this because he envied me having coworkers who were respected by others.</span></li><li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">All of the people he hung around with were younger than him and looked up to him. He never clicked with people his own age because they didn't think he was better than them.</span></li><li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">To avoid being envious, he was always the first one to purchase a new gadget that came out, and he bought more than one so he could look like a big shot when he gave them away.</span></li><li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">He has told me he is envious of my&nbsp;<a class="pt-basics-link" href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/religion" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(153, 153, 153); border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-width: 1px; text-decoration: none;" title="Psychology Today looks at Religion">faith</a>. I can have peace inside and a good attitude even if the world around me is a mess. I know he turns up the&nbsp;<a class="pt-basics-link" href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/charisma" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(153, 153, 153); border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-width: 1px; text-decoration: none;" title="Psychology Today looks at Charisma">charm</a>&nbsp;and brags to make women interested/envious of him and his lifestyle.</span></li></ul><br /><br /></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~4/dAelO5gvjmo" height="1" width="1" alt=""/>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~3/dAelO5gvjmo/envy.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Mark Randall)0http://geelongmenscounsellingservice.blogspot.com/2014/02/envy.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119701174666802342.post-7145017553255098556Sat, 08 Feb 2014 01:00:00 +00002014-02-07T17:00:00.862-08:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br /></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~4/w8jJp1wtjIU" height="1" width="1" alt=""/>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/GeelongMensCounsellingService/~3/w8jJp1wtjIU/blog-post.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Mark Randall)0http://geelongmenscounsellingservice.blogspot.com/2014/02/blog-post.html