Things To Do On Thursday, April 28

Be Captain Of This.

Wanna look like a complete badass? If the clothes make the person, then this new Russian bomb suit has the ability to make you look like the baddest of asses as you walk through explosions unscathed like the villain from pretty much every action hero.

Of course, this also requires access to explosions, somewhere to set off said explosions without getting in trouble and, we’re guessing, a fat wad of cash to purchase said suit in the first place.

A much cheaper means to looking like a badass tonight is simply to whip out your phone, pull up the following list and show your friends that you own the night. — Cory Graves

Parquet Courts at Granada Theater
Denton-rooted, Brooklyn-grown “American punk” band Parquet Courts will be sharing the stage with Lee Ranaldo (Sonic Youth) and Nots at the Granada Theater. Parquet Courts’ frontman Andrew Savage once describes his band’s debut album, Light Up Gold, as a record for those “that ran away from home not out of any wide-eyed big city daydream, but just out of a subconscious return to America’s scandalous origin.” Ranaldo, too, might know a thing or two about the good ol’ days having been in one of the most influential bands of the modern era. Honestly, brilliant as Parquet Courts’ latest record is, watching Ranaldo might be the best part of this show. — Roberto Aguilar

David Sedaris at Winspear Opera House
David Sedaris is one of the funniest people of all time. He’s not a comedian or an actor per se, but he is an enormously talented writer and speaker. He’s also the brother of the kooky Amy Sedaris (Strangers With Candy), which explains a lot. Some of his best books include Me Talk Pretty One Day, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim and Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk. If you’re not a fan of reading, that’s alright because Sedaris’ books are best listened to. After all, he is the narrator of his stories and listening to him read them makes it all the better. No telling what he has in store for this event, but be prepared to run the gamut of emotions. — RA

Trailer Park Boys Live at The Rail ClubTrailer Park Boys is a Canadian mocukementary-style comedy that’s accumulated quite the cult following since its debut in 2001. Imagine a grown-up Ed, Edd n Eddy and it’s really close to that. Two of the show’s antagonists are Randy and Mr. Lahey, the bumbling trailer park supervisors/gay lovers constantly trying to foil the schemes of the three main characters, usually ending with everyone involved fucking up in some way. I’m not sure how a live show would work, but these two are really entertaining on television. — Paul Wedding

Day of the Dead With George A. Romero Live at Alamo Drafthouse (Dallas, Sold Out)
Zombie sympathizer and filmmaker George Romero will be in attendance for a screening of his 1985 film, Day of The Dead. “My stories are about humans and how they react, or fail to react, or react stupidly. I’m pointing the finger at us, not at the zombies. I try to respect and sympathize with the zombies as much as possible,” said Romero in a 2010 Vanity Fair interview. Surely he will be up for talking zombies, movies, guts and glory after the movie. Have fun, those of you have nabbed tickets to this sold out event. — RA

Bob Biggerstaff at Hyena’s Dallas
Despite his last name, Bob Biggerstaff isn’t a porn star. He says he’s a comedian, and he’s been on several shows including Last Comic Standing,Live at Gotham and Just for Laughs. He’s here for three nights, but you should probably go tonight if you’re going at all, because Thursday nights at Hyena’s are free. — PW

AIA Dallas Unbuilt Design Awards at Lofty Spaces
AIA Dallas is a local architectural group dedicated to furthering architectural dialogue in the city. To celebrate and expand on this, there will be an awards show to put on display a gallery of various projects to be judged. It’s an opportunity to see what the future of Dallas could look like and gain a better understanding of architecture. — PW

From Dusk Till Dawn at Texas TheatreFrom Dusk Till Dawn is Robert Rodriguez’s first real foray into the campy schlock that he’s best known for. It’s ridiculous and gory and pretty much what you expect it to be coming into it. If you love movies that aren’t really good but a lot of fun, this is one to check out. — PW

What is Cinema Episode 3 Release Party at Oak Cliff Cultural CenterWhat Is Cinema?, is one of Dallas’ hottest arts and culture podcasts. It celebrates the release of its third episode with another free party. There will be beer, snacks, a performance from Pyrex Pilots and a DJ set from bemyfriend. Episode 3 features Art Peña of Vice Palace, who will join in the discussion about Robert Rodriguez’ film From Dusk Till Dawn. It’ll be a hoot! — RA

“How Much Do We Have Left?” at CentralTrak
Sofia Bastidas is a curator, collaborator and organizer at CentralTrak (one word, no “c”) who will be talking about her two latest projects, “Port to Port” and “TVGOV” (Television Government). Port to Port is project attempting to grow networks between coastal cities in order to facilitate more growth and interaction, while TVGOV is a research group focused on preserving the environment. It’s an opportunity to hear Bastidas’s passion for solving the problems of policy and systemic conflict through art and collaboration. — PW

Scream With Matthew Lillard & Skeet Ulrich Live at Alamo Drafthouse (Dallas)
Wes Craven’s Scream is one of the very first meta horror movies. It’s a horror movie satirizing other horror movies by following a group of horror-savvy high schoolers whose fun is cut short when a masked killer starts murdering their classmates. From there, they have to find out who the killer is before ti’s too late. It’s smart, funny, and terrifying and definitely worth a watch for any die-hard horror fan. Not to mention, two of the film’s stars, Matthew Lillard and Skeet Ulrich will be there doing a Q&A as well. — PW

Mild High Club, Siamese, Field Guide at Three Links
Mild High Club is a music project started by Alex Brettin that sounds kind of like an Ariel Pink tribute band. Which isn’t really a bad thing, the songs have a nice psychedelic tone and some dense layering of sounds. Also performing are two great local bands, Siamese and Field Guide. — PW

Jimmy Webb at Kessler Theater
Jimmy Webb is one of the most famous musicians you’re probably not familiar with by name, but have definitely heard his songs. He’s written some famous songs such as “Up, Up and Away,” “Galveston,” and the much maligned “MacArthur Park.” He’s one of the most gifted songwriters of the last half-century and brings a certain edge and texture to his songs when he sings them himself. — PW

The Warriors With James Remar & Michael Beck Live at Texas Theatre
One of the most culturally-prolific hits of the ’70s, Walter Hill’s The Warriors is more than just a fun action moive, It’s a tour de force of filmmaking, rife with beautiful cinematography, editing, and symbolism to leave the film studied multiple times over. It’s also just a badass movie. Plus, Ajax and Swan are going to be there for a Q&A. Film fans won’t want to miss this one. — PW

Ruby Revue Peep Show at The Foundation Room
Dallas’ Ruby Revue burlesque show has performed everywhere from the Vegas Strip to Lingerie Fashion Week in New York, specializing in basically teasing everyone in the audience and dancing around without actually showing anything. They’ve even won a lot of awards for it, so that counts for something. — PW

Jonny Craig, Tilian Kurt Travis at The Prophet Bar
These three have all at some point been the lead singer for post-hardcore band Dance Gavin Dance, a shitty, sterile, wussified excuse for a hardcore band filled with cringe-y lyrics and generic melodies. — PW

The Return of the Black Dotz at Double Wide
It’s been a hot minute since The Black Dotz have been on a stage. Medical troubles for the band’s frontman, among other things, has kept them away for a bit now. Tonight they make the triumphant comeback, with new bassist Chad Deatley and a return to its soul roots. The similarly scarce Warren Jackson Hearne opens. — CG

Black Stone Cherry at Trees
Listening to Black Stone Cherry feels kind of like a parody of hard rock. It’s really over the top in everything, while maintaining completely generic. The singer is god awful, most of the time just screaming with a slight southern drawl, and the music sounds like every run of the mill rock band from 2004. — PW

Shane Smith & the Saints at Billy Bob’s
Shane Smith & The Saints are a folk rock band spawning in the wave of folk-rock bands that came after Mumford and Sons got big. They sound a lot like Mumford and Sons as well, whether you consider that a good or bad thing is up to you. Alls we know is they’re starting to get really big themselves. — PW

Wondercrust Presents: The Legend of the Titanic at The Grotto
Did you know there was an animated Titanic movie released in 1999? No? There’s a pretty good reason for that. The movie has such moments as a talking octopus hurling an iceberg towards the Titanic, as well as numerous talking dolphins and sharks, and terrible music numbers. It’s so ridiculously awful that’s it’s pretty entertaining in a fucked up way, especially with alcohol and dudes heckling. RTB2 will be playing a concert afterwards. — PW

Bourbon, Dude at Dude, Sweet Chocolate
Bourbon? Good. Chocolate? Good. But how about together? Are they even better? That’s what Savor Dallas is going to be finding out, with several pairs of Buffalo Trace bourbon and chocolates from Dude, Sweet Chocolate. — PW

Block Party at Dallas Comedy House (Free)
Comedy is tough. It takes a lot of work to craft a joke or a skit and refine it to make it really funny. That’s what events like these are for. It allows comedians to try out some of their new material and see how people are reacting to it. You might be the first to witness a really funny new joke, or you’ll see someone bomb horribly. But it’s free, so it’s not that bad. — PW

Fat Joe at Winston’s Supper Club
Fat Joe is only being advertised as appearing, so it’s kind of uncertain whether he’s actually performing. Only one way to find out. — PW