Way #38: Responsible Decisions

Every conscious moment is another decision. The most important decision is "What am I living for?"

Some people think that decisions are made every once in a while, when a major issue comes up. But really all of life – every conscious moment – is another decision. From the instant we wake up, we begin to decide: What will I eat for breakfast? How will I greet my boss today? Even if we yawn, turn over and go back to sleep – that's also a decision.

The cumulative impact of decisions, even though each is individually small, is what determines the overall quality of life. Way #38 is Aino sam'eyach behora'ah – which idiomatically means "don't take decisions lightly."

Of course, different decisions have different impacts. If you don't visit Disneyland, you miss out on Mickey Mouse. But if you don't acquire wisdom for a successful marriage, it can have tragic consequences.

For living, be serious. Ask yourself: What am I going to do today? This week? This year? What am I doing with my life? What are the possibilities? What can a human being achieve?

Living is Decision-Making

Consider the consequences of not knowing the real purpose of life.

Anyone who says there are no answers to serious philosophical questions has probably not asked the right questions to the right people. Realize there are consequences of not investigating these issues.

We have to research these questions and not give flippant answers:

How should I honor my parents?

How will I maintain honesty in business?

How will I care for humanity?

Does God exist?

Do I have free will?

Is there an afterlife?

Many people make life-and-death decisions without thinking. If a decision is uncomfortable, we often brush the whole issue off and put it out of our mind. We might not question a doctor out of fear of offending him. Or we may choose a group of friends based on frivolous grounds, without thinking through the consequences. Beware of this trap.

Take time to introspect. Clarify your important decisions. On what basis did you arrive at these conclusions? You may be surprised at how carelessly you've made some decisions that have a dramatic impact on your life.

Take Decisions Seriously

Figuring out what to do with your life is no less serious than the question of whether or not to have open-heart surgery. Would you decide on surgery by flipping a coin? Of course not! So don't make important decisions (or express opinions) on subjects you haven't thought through.

Make decisions with a sense of responsibility. When tackling any issue, research it thoroughly. Get all the facts.

Whenever confronted by a decision, relax. Don't feel pressured into deciding at that moment. It's okay to take the time to work out an answer.

Take proper precautions in decision making. Consider the various options and potential consequences. Should I buy that house? Marry that person? Because if you make decisions without proper precautions, you're bound to make costly mistakes in life.

Part of the difficulty is that many decisions do not have immediate consequences, or have consequences that we cannot perceive. When making a major decision, check that you've judged the long-term consequences no less than the short-term ones. Speak out the potential consequences of your decision with other people, who may be aware of factors you've never considered.

Similarly, when helping others, be aware of the fine line between teaching someone, and making decisions for them. If someone asks for advice, don't be so quick to dictate directives, unless you're sure of what you're talking about. Imposing your opinion is an artificial solution – it won't stick, and eventually the other person will grow to resent it.

Phony Decision Making

There is a favorite American pastime called "Monday morning quarterback." This is the hindsight that football fans engage in, second-guessing how the coach or the quarterback should have used better strategy. Everyone has a brilliant opinion… about other people's decisions!

But "Monday morning quarterbacking" is hardly confined to football. We like to "play" decision making in areas like: "If I was president of the United States," or "If I was the CEO," or "If I was God." Be careful. Judging other's errors gives us a false sense of our own wisdom. But there's a good chance we'd have made the same mistakes.

Learn to Say, "I Don't Know"

Modern society equates knowledge with importance. Therefore we sometimes fall into the trap of pretending to know – because we're too embarrassed to admit we don't.

Human beings make mistakes. The biggest mistake is to decide that you're not going to change your mind. If you make a mistake and are too embarrassed to correct it, then you're making a second mistake.

In discussions with other people, train yourself to say, "I don't know." Even when you're sure, say, "It seems to me..." Otherwise, once you're committed to a certain point of view, you may be too embarrassed to back out – leaving you stuck defending a position you no longer believe in.

Actually, saying "I don't know" is no reason to be embarrassed. Being honest about your limitations helps clarify the gaps in your knowledge. Plus you don't mislead others, and they'll actually come to respect you more because of your honestly.

Few people will admit they don't know. Ask someone to define what is a good person, how to be happy, or what is the purpose of life, and it's unlikely he'll admit that he never thought about it!

Similarly, it's hard to admit if we've never considered whether there's a God, and whether He spoke at Mount Sinai. Or to admit that when it comes to free will, we've been using it and we don't know what it's all about.

Be flexible in your decision-making. Be open to someone bringing in another piece of evidence, and be willing to change based on new information. Go to others who know more. Respect their advice. Don't play games with your life.

Why is "Responsible Decisions" a Way tTo Wisdom?

Living means growing. If you don't make decisions, you won't grow.

The most important decision to make is: "What am I living for?"

Making decisions will make your life real.

The more informed you are, the better your decisions will be. Don't make any decision you're not qualified to make.

Evaluate fairly, not based on prejudices. Be a judge, not a lawyer.

To live rationally and meaningfully, be willing to admit when you don't know.

Only you determine your life path. Anytime you want to change, it's up to you.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 7

(7)
Anonymous,
August 14, 2014 1:22 PM

Great!

This is great! Thank you so much for posting it!

(6)
Anonymous,
May 2, 2011 5:05 AM

loved this article! there is no one in the world who could say that this doesn't apply to their life because everyone is constantly making decisions be it subconsciously or not. either way our decisions speak volumes about who we are. by thinking through every impasse you encounter, you end up being content with what your decisions say about you, unafraid to share them with the world. thanks again, this defiantly helped open my mind to the decisions i make every moment of my life.

(5)
Leah,
October 27, 2009 3:55 PM

The right decision

Thirty nine weeks after the passing of Yisorel Noach Ben Yitzchak Mattisyahu, he continues to teach. I made a decision to learn the 48 ways, one per week, in his meit, and I am thankful. It was the right decision as I never imagined so much positive change could come about becuse of one choice. May all the choices of Khal Yisorel be for the good.

(4)
Deena,
November 11, 2008 9:42 PM

When do you have enough knowledge to make a decision?

This is a great article but the thing is that we never really know what our decisions are going to lead to. We need to be conscious of our decisions and think them through but we also need to realize that we don't really know what the outcome will be.
I have a friend who worried about certain things regarding her decision to marry a certain guy. In the end she chose to and she's really happy. But interestingly, she says, that those things she worried about were totally unfounded.
And as my wise aunt always says, "We worry about the wrong things." She should know, having had something extremely tragic happen in her life, something she never would have dreamed of, probably while she was worrying about a million other things.

(3)
Temima,
May 27, 2008 12:18 PM

so beautiful! what an amazing torah

which we can really apply to life!
how lucky we are to learn how to change and grow!

(2)
Nasir,
May 5, 2004 12:00 AM

great words for motivation

It is quite exciting to find such an interesting words in this domain.
Thanks for this wonderul job.

I've been striving to get more into spirituality. But it seems that every time I make some progress, I find myself slipping right back to where I started. I'm getting discouraged and feel like a failure. Can you help?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Spiritual slumps are a natural part of spiritual growth. There is a cycle that people go through when at times they feel closer to God and at times more distant. In the words of the Kabbalists, it is "two steps forward and one step back." So although you feel you are slipping, know that this is a natural process. The main thing is to look at your overall progress (over months or years) and be able to see how far you've come!

This is actually God's ingenious way of motivating us further. The sages compare this to teaching a baby how to walk. When the parent is holding on, the baby shrieks with delight and is under the illusion that he knows how to walk. Yet suddenly, when the parent lets go, the child panics, wobbles and may even fall.

At such times when we feel spiritually "down," that is often because God is letting go, giving us the great gift of independence. In some ways, these are the times when we can actually grow the most. For if we can move ourselves just a little bit forward, we truly acquire a level of sanctity that is ours forever.

Here is a practical tool to help pull you out of the doldrums. The Sefer HaChinuch speaks about a great principle in spiritual growth: "The external awakens the internal." This means that although we may not experience immediate feelings of closeness to God, eventually, by continuing to conduct ourselves in such a manner, this physical behavior will have an impact on our spiritual selves and will help us succeed. (A similar idea is discussed by psychologists who say: "Smile and you will feel happy.")

That is the power of Torah commandments. Even if we may not feel like giving charity or praying at this particular moment, by having a "mitzvah" obligation to do so, we are in a framework to become inspired. At that point we can infuse that act of charity or prayer with all the meaning and lift it can provide. But if we'd wait until being inspired, we might be waiting a very long time.

May the Almighty bless you with the clarity to see your progress, and may you do so with joy.

In 1940, a boatload 1,600 Jewish immigrants fleeing Hitler's ovens was denied entry into the port of Haifa; the British deported them to the island of Mauritius. At the time, the British had acceded to Arab demands and restricted Jewish immigration into Palestine. The urgent plight of European Jewry generated an "illegal" immigration movement, but the British were vigilant in denying entry. Some ships, such as the Struma, sunk and their hundreds of passengers killed.

If you seize too much, you are left with nothing. If you take less, you may retain it (Rosh Hashanah 4b).

Sometimes our appetites are insatiable; more accurately, we act as though they were insatiable. The Midrash states that a person may never be satisfied. "If he has one hundred, he wants two hundred. If he gets two hundred, he wants four hundred" (Koheles Rabbah 1:34). How often have we seen people whose insatiable desire for material wealth resulted in their losing everything, much like the gambler whose constant urge to win results in total loss.

People's bodies are finite, and their actual needs are limited. The endless pursuit for more wealth than they can use is nothing more than an elusive belief that they can live forever (Psalms 49:10).

The one part of us which is indeed infinite is our neshamah (soul), which, being of Divine origin, can crave and achieve infinity and eternity, and such craving is characteristic of spiritual growth.

How strange that we tend to give the body much more than it can possibly handle, and the neshamah so much less than it needs!