me: Because it was sent to me anonymously and it’s kind of freaking me out. Someone sent me a box of dead hamster in the mail and I don’t even know what that means. Is it some sort of code? Is it a threat? I’m not even sure it’s a hamster. Or why it has wings.

Victor: Hamsters don’t have wings.

me: I KNOW.THAT’S WHY IT’S SO UNSETTLING.

Victor: FINE. Show me your dead hamster.

me: Finally.

I think the wings are made of human skin.

Victor: That’s…not a hamster.

me: You’re saying that because of the wings, right? But they’re detachable.

Victor: No. I mean it looks too big to be a hamster. I think it’s a guinea pig.

me: Or a small dog.

Victor: And why is it crunchy?

me: RIGHT?

Victor: It’s like it’s filled with cellophane.

me: Or corn flakes.

Victor: Why would someone fill a hamster with corn flakes?

me: WHY WOULD SOMEONE SEND ME A BOX OF DEAD HAMSTER? I THINK WE CAN THROW LOGIC OUT THE WINDOW HERE, Victor.

Victor: That ship has sailed. You probably bought it yourself and just forgot.

me: I think I would remember if I bought a box of dead hamster.

Victor: Remember when you bought that cobra and forgot that you bought it until you opened it?

me: Mmm…not really.

Victor: Well, it happened.

me: Now I’m craving corn flakes.

Victor: Stop talking.

PS. Did you send me a box of dead hamster? Is there a hidden meaning? Is the crunchy noise inside of it a note explaining it? Is the hamster an envelope? For the love of God, someone help me.

Clearly, Victor doesn’t understand the importance of being asked about the weird-ass shit that happens. What the hell’s the point of getting a box full of hamster if no one knows about it?! (PS – HST seems to like Mr. Squeaky too much. Perhaps you should lock the other critters safely behind glass, lest HST get too familiar with Juanita.)

if i was going to send you something, it would probably be a kid or two (not dead but possibly full of corn flakes) . Hamster / rodent things? no. but i do think Icarus is appropriate, you could call it Iccy for short

Looking at the pictures, I would guess that Hunter S. Thomcat pilfered a credit card and ordered Mr. Squeaky from someplace online.

Because cats use the internet for commerce ALL THE TIME… (I had a client once claim that his $3000 long distance bill was due to his cat calling the communists while he (the owner) slept at night… this client MAY have had a bit of an issue with mental health…)

I can’t decide if that is seriously messed up or absolutely brilliant. Please let us know when the mystery is solved. (Have you ever thought maybe Victor does these things as payback? And to be supportive giving you blog fodder. Yeah. I’d interrogate him just in case.)

I’m a little worried about what HST is going to find INSIDE the dead hamster. Is it well-sewn? It’s not going to bust open all over your sofa with more really freaky surprises, is it? Does it smell????? Wonder what the shipping rate is for boxes of dead hamster? That’s not something you see in the example posters at the post office. I wonder if the person who sent it is on some kind of poster at the post office?! That’s just weird.

No, I did not send you or anyone else a box of dead hamster. That would require knowing your address, for one thing, and for another it would require asking my husband to give me his credit card to BUY a box of dead hamster to be shipped anonymously to a blogger I like and that…probably wouldn’t go over well.

I say someone made/bought you that hamsterguineapigwingedmutant and just got SO EXCITED about sending it to you that they forgot to throw the written explanation into the box (just a hypothesis, I swear it wasn’t me!)

New follower and I’m not even surprised to read that you had that delivered. I do have to agree with everyone else though that’s it is creepy. Maybe it’s the first clue like in those Jigsaw movies with the freaky “cereal” killer…lol!

yeah… that was me… and sorry… I spoke to Jenny who said she had spoken to you and that you wanted it. I have the email from her if you would like to see it…
His name is Leonardo Di Squeeksi and yes he is a hamster. In fact he’ s my first attempt at Taxidermy. He came out so crap I thought you would like him. I did send a thank you note with him but clearly this never made it to you. I think you may want to speak with the people who open your mail.
Now that I feel humiliated at sending fan-mail I will leave you to it.

Le – You totally rock and it’s the best hamster I’ve ever gotten in the mail. Also, Leonardo Di Sqeeksi is the best name ever and I will treasure him forever. For real. Sending you an autographed copy of my book since it’s the only thing I’ve ever made (except for my daughter, which you can’t have.) ~Jenny

The oddest part about this for me is that I *really* want to know what is inside making the crunchy sound. I have a cat that will only play with toys that have fur that feels real, so I bought a fur capelet at an indoor flea market & am going to make him a whole bunch of toy mice. I’d been thinking about putting something inside them that crinkled, but was still looking into WHAT to use…

Clearly this was a Halloween gift, a hamster with wings, I mean seriously? What else could it be… A+ for creepy & yet creative… and it makes for a good chew toy, especially if it is filled with cornflakes!

Could that possibly have been, at one point in its existence a gopher? No I didn’t send it. Don’t be ridiculous. We don’t even HAVE gophers in Indiana.
And I agree, those are some messed up eyes. #taxidermyfail

If I had sent you a box of dead hamster, I would TOTALLY claim it! Or at least put a note in it explaining why I sent it and what the crunchy noise is. If someone sent me a box of dead hamster without a note, I would be completely freaked too, even if I did collect taxidermied animals. i hope someone claims him soon. He is kinda cute. 🙂

It does look like a guinea pig, not a hamster. It seems perfectly rational that someone sent you their beloved departed pet, now with angel wings added. I mean, who else BUT you could they send that to?

I’ll admit, I did make all sorts of “Google” searches in hopes of finding your address to quite possibly ship you a dead deer. It came complete with a stand that appeared as if it was simply frolicking through a meadow. AMAZING! You never know what you’ll find at a garage sale in NE Minneapolis.

That’s definitely a guinea pig. One of mine died this springs, but I swear I didn’t send her to you. The human-skin-wings are scary. If someone accidentally refers to you as Clarice Starling, I’d run. And remove all lotion from the house just to be on the safe side.

I think the giant bolt holding the wings on is the most creeptastic part. Maybe shipping a real pig with wings was too expensive, so they shipped a guinea pig with wings? You need to find a little aviator hat and goggles. And he must be named Wilbur Wright.

Ok, I’m going to guess that he was meant to be a loving part of your menagerie or creatures, but if I were to send you a dead rodent with wings, I would have at least given it pretty, sparkly fairy wings. And maybe a matching tutu. See? No way that could be misinterpreted, right? But yeah, the Frodo skin on toothpicks wings? A little scary.
“It puts the lotion on it’s skin… Or it will be made into hamster wings.”

My best guess is that it’s from an admirer who loves you so very much that they felt compelled to send you a tribute in the always-awesome form of a flying guinea pig fairy hamster. And maybe he’s crunchy because they made him themselves, their very first taxidermy project ever, and didn’t know what to stuff him with, so they stuffed him with bark chips thinking the cedar would keep moths from trying to eat him, because the last thing anybody wants is a moth-ravaged, formerly flying guinea-hamster.

Or, maybe you ordered it on Etsy late at night and forgot about it… Check your credit card statements.

On the upside: NEW STUFFED FRIEND! You could get more flying critters and make the most awesomely terrifying mobile ever!

OMG. I know I don’t have to ask, but oh please, please, puh-leeeze let us know who sent you the cornflake gerbil when you find out! I loved your book by the way! Write another one soon or the cornflake stuffed critters will increase in size and number until you do! (I kid! I kid!:)

“…and why is it crunchy??”
omg. omfg. well, it wasn’t me because we don’t even have hamsters in Belgium (I don’t think) and plus, shipping anything heavier than a one-page letter to the states requires a second mortgage. I DID send you a ethically taxidermied frog recently, but that was on facebook so it doesn’t count as creepy-stalking-box-of-dead-hamster weirdness.

First, I think Hammy may very well be a guinea pig. Unless he’s the world’s largest hamster. So the question becomes, why would someone want to send you a box of guinea pigs? And is this guinea pig with wings supposed to be corollary to the flying pig that perches atop Beyonce?

I was watching re-runs of Pawn Stars last night (don’t judge me) and saw something that totally made me think of you and I think you need one. http://tinyurl.com/8lwsxzq Scroll down to the third picture, isn’t it awesome!

It’s clearly a crunchy non-Monchichi. Duh. With propellers for when HST gets too frisky so it can whisk itself away to the top of the fridge where it’ll then decide to land on Victor’s head in the middle of the night and make him scream what the fuck is wrong with you and this non-Monchichi that is neither a hamster nor a guinea pig and why do these things keep happening to us, WHY IS HST LOUNGING IN THE KITCHEN SINK, JENNY?

That’s weird even for you! I see HST is loving him some Mr. Squeaky though. Could be his new bff. Still a little creeped out about the anonymous part. Are you sure you didn’t join a taxidermied animal of the month club?

What the fuck? See, I often wish I had a life as exciting as yours, but if it ever actually happened I’d quickly run out of room to put all the weird dead shit. Although my cats would be thrilled. So I guess that’s a plus.

I am now to the point that anytime I see something taxidermied in a thrift shop/antique store/etc, I think to myself “I should totally send that to The Blogess.” But alas, I did not send the dead hamster.

Heeeelllllloooo? He ATE the Corn Flakes. It’s like Toy Story but without the plastic, or Tom Hanks. All of dead animals reanimate when you aren’t looking and raid the pantry. Obviously this guy lived in Seinfeld’s old apartment before being shipped to you.

Wow! Best thing in my mail this week was a Christmas ornament with Whoopi Goldberg’s face on it. At least my package wasn’t crunchy sounding, that would have been bad since it’s glass and all. Oh well, never look a gift hamster in the mouth.

Has no-one else noticed the way the wings are BOLTED on? That thing is totally a fake, real fairly zombie cornflakey gerbils do not have to use bolts to keep their wings on. I think the hash marks on the wings are a very Frankenstein touch. Botched plastic surgery attempt with button thread in place of surgical sutures.

I feel I should be more freaked out by this than I am… but after following your blog for a while it kind of makes sense🙂 Ok… the crunchy cornflake thing is pretty creepy! But wow… someone was thinking!

I did not send you a dead squeeky. I assumed by the look of hidden horror at the two dead frogs I gave you, that I had freaked you out enough. Two dead frogs say, “I love you so much I want to be your best friend.”
Two dead frogs and a dead squeeky says, “I love you so much I want to eat your face.”

I don’t want to eat your face, Jenny. I think it looks perfect attached to your head. And I think it would be really hard to become your best friend if you were all pissed off because I ate your face.

I did not send you a dead badly stuffed poor little what ever it is…..but if you ever find a dead human stuffed with corn flakes in your mail box, then yeah, it’s probably from me….not that I mean anything creepy by it, it just seems like an ideal way to dispose of a freshly murdered work colleague..

To quote Hotel Transylvania ( and my kids) ” I didn’t do that!” But I do know that sometimes, catnip toys are crunchy like that. Maybe someone was sending a kitty toy to HST? And look how well that turned out!!! BINGO!

I didn’t send you a dead hamster with wings but I have to say, Jenny, you are not encouraging the red roses type. Think of it as a gift or move to England. Did it come to the post office or at your house? If at house: MOVE.

I almost bought you a mink stole over the weekend. I’ve never actually seen a mink stole before that, I always assumed it was a stole made out of mink fur. This one was a whole mink, made into a stole. I kind of wish I had bought it. Hmmm, wonder if it’s still there?

Oh. My. Gawd. Wasn’t me. Hey, maybe it is some sort of promo type thing like when you got the ParaNorman zombie thing in the mail…only this is for some creepy low budget film. CANNOT wait for the explanation to this mystery!!!

wow, I couldn’t stop giggling. I am now considering sending you something dead, squeaky, aith something else attached. anonymously of course, justz so you can post about it and make me giggle this hard again – btw, clearly the someone who sent this knows your cats by heart. I mean look how color-coordinated the two are together! oh, and no, it wasn’t me. but the next strange thing that you can post about may be mine. If I can find any decent dead thing…

Awww! HST looks so cute and cuddly with Mr. Deceased-Crunchy-Winged-Guinea! And those wings are totally wicked – I love ’em! I wonder if you’ll remember in a few days where this lovely creature came from yo. (preposition/endofsentence=bad)

I actually think its either a gopher or prairie dog with a shrunken down body to make it more creepy. Like whoever sent it thought, ‘A gopher is too big to ship. Lets trim it down a little so it will fit in a smaller box.’ And no, I most definitely did not send it. I did see a monkey’s head mounted on the wall behind the counter in the local antique shop which looked so strange, I almost wished I could have sent it to you. But I would have had to touch it. And I would most definitely enclose a note.

I think it was Victor. He is acting all innocent and detached about the whole thing but inside he is giggling and clapping at the wonderous looks and puzzled shrugs every time you glance at the deadsqueakyflyingfurrythingy. Well played Victor, well played.

Hey Jenny, I’m pretty sure it’s a prairie dog, but I didn’t send it to you either. Although if I ever found any cute taxidermied animals for the right price, they would definitely be in a box headed to your house. All chotchkies need love.

I don’t know, I think the wings are kind of nifty. It’s not really THAT bad … okay, maybe the face is that bad… and the crunchiness, that’s pretty bad too. The wings though, those are some pretty nice wings.

Okay, I just reread my comment and it sounds like I’m defending the poor / odd / bewildering decision to send you a box of dead hamster. Not so. I am merely admiring the creativity of attaching wings to a deceased, breakfast cereal filled rodent. That’s all.

Reading that comment I’ve realized it now sounds like I’m the culprit. I assure you, it was not me.

As much as HST is loving on it, I’m wondering if the “crunchy” is a plastic baggy o’ catnip. Hope you find the sender soon (or “Congratulations” if you already have, I only skimmed the first few dozen comments).
🙂 Much❤!!

The Husband heard me giggling…a lot and came to investigate. He thinks it’s a gopher. I asked him what information he had to support his claim. He blinked a couple times and then said “That site makes you sassy.” I feel like I’ve won some sort of small victory here.

You know, Jenny, it’s really not that odd for you to be sent a dead hamster (or guinea pig for that matter)… you know, considering. Now if *I* got a dead hamster in the mail, that would be freaking weird.

i’m less concerned that you were sent a dead *something* with wings and more concerned that it’s hair looks like a mess. if i sent someone something dead, and i’m not saying that i did, i’d at least brush the dead something’s hair. rude…

I have an important question for Jenny that isn’t relevant to Departed Hamster. Am I allowed to make a celebratory t-shirt with a pic of Jenkins that says, “OH MY GOD! ISN’T THIS AWESOME? Who are your friends?!?” and maybe Happy Thanksgiving 2012 in small type at the bottom or on the back. Or can I get a special one designed so I can order it on your Cafe Press? Ok, so that turned into many important questions.

Holy balls that thing is disturbing as fvck. Most of your dead things, I totally am jealous. This, I would scream and try to burn the house down just because it had been in there. Kinda like when there’s a giant spider that I have to kill myself if I can’t convince a cat to eat it. Because that’s what cats are for. Especially when it’s one of those crazy fast things with a billion and five legs. My cat Tess is AWESOME at catching those.

Note: I don’t actually try to burn my house down, but man do I think a firebombing would be necessary if there were a LOT of bugs.

I SO wish I had thought to send you a box of dead hamster. When I first read the title my brain put an “s” on the end of hamster and I was expecting multiple hamsters, but one with wings is a little bit cooler than a bunch without wings.

Peruvian flute music. If it’s a guinea pig, you need the flute music. And a Peruvian knit hat.
On a side note not related to guinea pigs, Peruvian music or South Park, HST is all legs!
Lord, I think that boy’ll be a bigun.

Since I see the mystery is already solved via the comments, I just want to say that I only ever send you LINKS to dead things on Twitter. Is it flattering that you get random shit in the mail? Chilling? Both? ^^

Maybe it’s crunchy because inside there is a treasure map and you think it’ll lead to gold, but really it’s to a chest of a taxidermied egret riding a cactus and drinking gin. But that kind of sounds like Bloggess gold, so maybe it would be real gold? Or at least the name of the hamster/guinea pig (I agree with Victor on this one).

Yup, Victor is right – it’s a guinea pig. A disturbing, taxidermied guinea pig, with wings made of skin. I think this is just a bit too twisted even for you, my dear lady. But apparently, not too twisted for the cat.

Oh, lord, this was good. Been a while since I took the time to read all of the comments … fucking hilarious. My favorite is Allegory’s husband’s comment, “That site makes you sassy.” Major complement!

It looks like a guinea pig. If it is a hamster it was either a mutant or seriously overfed🙂

As far as the crackly stuffing … there are dog toys that have a filling that sounds like you described. Maybe that or some heavy duty plastic wrap, the kind you find on gift baskets? Your friend Le could be recycling in more ways that one!

Well, I didn’t send you a dead hamster/guinea pig/gerbil, but if you’d like, I could send you some dead fish. One died of natural causes, the second died of a broken heart, and the third was murdered by his tank mate. All have been buried, but can very easily make their way into your home. Also, they come with their own special little coffins!

I’m commenting here just because I can, because it’s going to be buried in the middle of hundreds and thousands of comments, and it won’t be read. And I mean really, it won’t. But as usual, excellent blog. Wonderful use of the Amurikin language. I just can’t get enough. And no, I didn’t send you Mr. Pickles the Hamster/Guinea Pig. But now, if I found something dead and amazing looking in some dusty shop in the middle of Nowhere, Washington (the state, not DC!) then I now know EXACTLY what to do with it. Thank you, Bloggess!

This totally made my whole night! Not that it takes much these days. I’m sitting alone in my apartment drinking vodka spiked mango lemonade because the husband creature is working swing shift now and I don’t know what to do with myself. Come to think of it my lemonade may be why I find a dead winged rodent so hilarious.

First off; Le, Mr Leonardo Di Squeeksi is a beauty. I don’t know much about taxidermy, but for a first try, I’d say you did well.

The photos of Di Squeeksi and HTS are TOO CUTE! I’m a bit worried tho, I think perhaps Di Squeeksi risks being huggled to bits and pieces by HTS. HTS looks a bit like he’s into tough love. Of course, how anyone could manage to take Di Squeeksi away from him now that he’s had a taste of hamsterluuub, is above me…

I did not send you a box of dead hamster (it’s important to be clear from the start), but I can tell you that is definitely a guinea pig. I know this because I taxidermied a guinea pig myself a few weeks ago* and I was surprised how small it was.

*It was a ‘beginners taxidermy’ class. He went wrong. I made him a Phantom of the Opera costume to hide his disfigurement. None of this is making this story sound less weird. I will stop now.

Oh, OHHHHH. That first picture with kitty looks like that should totally be the ‘falling in love and spinning around together in a field of flowers while Celine Dion caterwauls something barely understandable in octaves only dogs can hear montage’ part of a romance movie. The LOVE kitty has for the rodent apparently fused to Ewok wings is undeniable and precious.

Wow. This picture has made my day, and it’s only 8:30. ALL DOWNHILL FROM HERE.

Seriously, how do people even get your home address? Is it posted somewhere? Was there a billboard? If so, why aren’t you getting more awesome in the mail everyday? If this is how one gets awesome things in the mail, I may have to post my address somewhere.

I really need to make better friends. No one sends me anything interesting! All I got in the last 12 months that was remotely amusing was an Anniversary card from a good friend. Doesn’t sound interesting until you know that I actually received the exact same card from the same friend twice in a week. I kindly sent her a bottle of Focus Factor. Cuz I’m good like that. 😉

I also need to shop in better quality stores. I never find neat stuff like dead hamsters with wings at Target.

I have seen a niche in the gift market and set up my own business sending organic hate gifts to douche bags….I was initially tempted to post my address on my blog to see if I got cool stuff in the post in addition to the free pens from cancer research, but now I have started Kitty Krap, I am worried that I may end up being the biggest recipient of what I have to sell…………

Hmmm. Sending a present and forgetting to include the card is something I would do/have done/many time. Maybe it was supposed to come with a printed gift message? Amazon has forgotten to include my printed gift cards on numerous occasions…

Uh, I think I might be slightly responsible for this. Not that I sent it to you.

But I was there when Le brought it to a party (in that she’d done it earlier that day and was then going to a party and wanted to show it to everyone, not that she’d done particularly FOR the party) and I did suggest that she send it to you… and apparently she did.

In High School my punk-rock boyfriend and I held a viking funeral for my dead hamster, Thomas-George. We constructed a float of popsicle sticks and set his cardboard box/casket ablaze and afloat. I feel like I missed a real opportunity now that I see what one can do with a dead hamster when you REALLY open your mind…

I don’t think it was supposed to be a box of dead hamster. Not originally, at least.
I think maybe Victor is right and it was a guinea pig. And because I’m an amateur sleuth, I have deduced that it mailed itself to you and died on the way.
Here’s how the story goes:
Guinea Pig found out about your loving home for bizarre animals and dressed in her best, most-impressive finery (the wings) in order to appeal to your “I NEED THIS CREATURE!” side. It was like she was Red Dressing herself in order to be adopted by you. She made up her postage box and filled it with corn flakes because she figured she’d probably get hungry at some point during shipping. While she was smart enough to remember food – and, really, that’s not all the smartful because ‘pigs are always thinking of food – she was not smart enough to think of other things like water and oxygen.
So she got herself packed into the box. I’m not sure how she sealed it; I’d need to see the packaging and would have to send pictures to analysts somewhere to get that level of knowledge. I’m thinking that she started eating the corn flakes almost immediately because, really, what else is there to do for a winged guinea pig in a dark box? Then she started choking and realized she didn’t have any water to wash said cereal down the gullet and she suffocated on lodged morsels of crunchy flakes. That explains the bulgey eyes.
She would have chewed her way out of the box in order to save herself but, remember, her mouth (and the rest of her body, apparently) was full of corn flakes, so…she died and was mailed and voila! There you have it.
Mystery solved.

I saw that someone is trying to put together a list to answer the question “How do you love yourself?” When you are depressed and your self-worth is next to nothing, where do you go? She’s asking that people share in comments some of your resources. If any of you have any ideas, please share them athttp://sophy.livejournal.com/1354869.html

So…I just came across this in my Google Reader and it made me think of you. It’s a poster of guinea pigs or hamsters or something. Let me just say that if I ever saw one of the Peruvian ones in real life, I would totally have some sort of hysterical breakdown. Rodents with long flowing locks creep me out. http://cubiclerefugee.tumblr.com/post/32763472848

My father once thought it would be a good idea to mail me a small box of avocados. Why? I don’t know because I don’t even eat avocado. Anyway when I opened the box they had molded so badly I thought my father has actually send me a dead animal. I was so freaked out I called my mother and ask if my father had lost his mind and mailed me a dead animal. My mother responded with, “Did he send you those avocados? I told him not to do that!” That was over 30 years ago and I still have PTSD for opening that box and looking inside.

You get all the awesome stuff in the mail. All I get are bills, catalogs, and my cat food subscription from Amazon (the cats look kind of scary when i forget their food, so I just have it on order all the time).

But the excitement that you received from this…

I need to go shopping and start sending all of my friends and relatives dead things. But not people, because that’s just illegal.

I did not send you a dead hamster/guinea pig. But when my guinea pig dies, maybe I will. Also last summer my cat killed a really big squirrel. I wish now that I had known you liked stuffed dead animals and I would have totally sent you that really big squirrel. I think my cat is a rock star for bringing that mutha down.

I feel a bit inept that I can’t even find that creature. Mouth, nose, ears…that sort of thing. It’s like I think I see it, but eventually it all just blends into one big inkblot test and I feel like I’m failing it…hmm…

I was out running errands recently and pulled over to take a picture of a taxidermied coyote for you. my daughter told me not to and I replied that Victor would probably not want you to see this anyway and the guy wanted $1000. for it anyway!

Is it supposed to be a hamster that’s seen The Silence? And is trying to escape from the government with Icarus-like wings? That’s the only explanation I can think of for the hash marks on the wings….did it come with a small Sharpie marker?

No one has claimed responsibility yet? If it’d been me, I’d have been ALL OVER IT. He’s cute, except the eyes. They’re a little creepy, but the wings make up for it. I think he’s an airbender, what say you?

That is quite possibly the ugliest winged corn-flaked filled hamster/guinea pig I have ever seen in my entire life. The person who sent it anonymously probably did so because he/she was too embarrassed to include his/her name.

Also, I’m pretty sure I would not allow my cat to french kiss Mr. Squeaky, even though my cat is a bulimic pain in the ass, because Lord knows where his misshapen rodent whiskers have been.

I think this is my Guinea Pig “Harriett” that my friend Andrea and I buried in a shoe box about 30 years ago. She wanted to make a mummy, so she added all sorts of spices and stuff, so it would be preserved. Somebody must have dug it up and sent it to you. She is a doctor now. True story. Most of it anyway. Some names have been changed to protect the innocent.

When I met you, you thought the rooster-shaped martini shaker I gave you was filled with the ashes of….someone, I’m not sure who you thought was in there. But I officially apologize for thinking that was weird. Apparently ashes are not only de rigueur for you, but a little on the boring side.

Today I was at an antique mall in New Bedford, Mass. and OMG! Not only did they have taxidermied animals (a fox with its lower jaw falling off was my favorite), but it had full size Beyonces for $250!! And small ones for $50. But the Beyonces had friends – pigs, penguins, storks and more. They were AWESOME. Just letting you know in case you’re ever in New Bedford, you should seriously go shopping there.

I have been wracking my brain for nearly a year trying to figure out how to write a fan letter to some celebrity… and now I learn all I had to do was send a crunchy hamster. You never think of the simple things until someone points it out to you.

That first picture is really, really terrifying. Are there even eyes? I totally get sending you a taxidermied animal, ’cause you love those and it’s a nice “saw this and thought of you” thing. But… that hamster/guinea pig/prarie dog/ewok is a bit off kilter. I hope it was properly preserved and it’s not going to get Hunter S. sick. Because that would really, really suck.
I hope you find out who sent it and you like it more than I do! And that HsT can safely love it for a long time, since he seems to like it quite a lot.

Now that the mystery of the dead whateveritis has been solved. I just want to say that your HST..or HTS, or whatever your orange cat’s name is, he looks like OUR orange cat. but angrier. Do you have any happy pictures of said orange cat?

The last thing I got in the mail was two tubes of test strips for my glucometer. Your mail is a)creepier and b)funnier. If there isn’t already a Dead Thing of the Month club, maybe this last arrival is an attempt to start one? Sadly, there’s no more moola in the budget for another subscription; I’m sure my two felines would love it but they have no income, disposable or otherwise.

Isn’t that a gerbil? Which begs the question, why is he in his Halloween costume so early? He’s going to get it dirty.
Also, from the front, he looks like he’s in a gang and bought his gold chains at the “Gold by the Yard” store.

Rosemary: What have you done to its eyes?
Roman: He has his father’s eyes.
Rosemary: What are you talking about?! Guy’s eyes are normal! What have you done to him? You maniacs!
Roman: Satan is his father, not Guy. He came up from hell and begat a son of mortal woman. Hail, Satan! Satan is his father and his name is Adrian. He shall overthrow the mighty and lay waste their temples. He shall redeem the despised and wreak vengeance in the name of the burned and the tortured. Hail, Adrian! Hail, Satan! Hail, Satan!

“WHY WOULD SOMEONE SEND ME A BOX OF DEAD HAMSTER?” – this would be a perfectly reasonable question coming from most people, but this is *you*, Jenny. If I had a box of dead hamster you are the person I’d send it to.

Not sure which is better, that a fan sent you a taxidermied hamster, or your reciprocation “Sending you an autographed copy of my book since it’s the only thing I’ve ever made (except for my daughter, which you can’t have.) ~Jenny”

Golden hamsters get quite large, and that’s exactly what this looks like. I once got a coconut mailed to me anonymously, and not from Hawaii, either. Anonymous mailed gifts are creepy enough (who are you? how did you get my mailing address? why did you send that? WHAT DOES IT MEAN?), but if I got a dead thing I would be super creeped out. You’re a collector, though, so it’s more of a misguided sweet gesture. Your hamster and my coconut are kindred spirits, really.

Oh holy crapballs. That is pretty funny. A little odd, even for you. I would be all paranoid that it had a video/microphone in it….. Does it’s eyes follow you???? I think this could be a new thing for you. You should randonmly send it with a note asking for them to send it too… we can see how far it gets! Plus, you don’t have to live with it in your house!

I’m not sure where to post this, but Jenny, you inspire me so much with all you do… I tried to pass along the crazy-good love and recommended Wish Upon A Hero to a friend of mine whose cat needs eye surgery (cats get eye surgery?). Is there any chance you can send some of your bloggy awesomeness her way? Or maybe just send me a picture of you holding twine?

i just came by to tell you about someone that i wanted to tell her about you, but she allready had you on her site. boobs, injuries, and dr. pepper. i found her online and wanted to tell her about you, but sob she’s allready got your link on her blog. but had to come check you out, i’m reading your book, and this post just made me laugh and cry all at the same time, and sorry it looks like a guinea pig, with wings made out of brown grocery bag? or hell human skin, that’s the ticket. so hope to go read the blog i posted above, check out the one called parents 1, teenage son 0. something like that, it is classic. and by the way i love your blog, and your book. you made me smile, and that takes some doing!

Would you mind checking the postage cancellation stamp? I seem to be missing a few hours from a while back. Oh, and my rodent is missing, as well.
(ps: Do you, in fact, also enjoy hedgehogs?)
(pps: What? No reason…just making conversation.)

I was just catching up on the blog, and happened to read this one, and the one from when you were in Minneapolis which was acctually a repost, but you wanted them to send you 4 cats…well maybe they sent you a dead hamster box instead…now you should add them to your blog and advertise for them maybe??

Good Lord!! Did you ever think the “did you send me a box of dead hamster?” post would get to 500 damn comments?? Honestly, I don’t know why everyone is so shocked! You love the weirdest, craziest, creepiest stuffed animals! I mean, it is kind of weird that it is crunchy, and they didn’t send a card, but still, I would have sent it to you if I had it and had your address. This is very hysterical!
Devan

A merchandising request – I love the picture (and caption) re: “Look at you Mr. Squeaky. You. Are. Perfect”. I would LOVE to have these on a greeting card, because, let’s face it, we would ALL be better off if someone told us We. Are. Perfect. once in a while. Can you think about it? Thank you!

I sent a box of bees to a dude and he freaked out way more. They were dead bumblebees my dog caught so i didn’t have to cut anything open or drain anything. So, yours wins. you should be more concerned about these types of items though.

Glad to see you found his creator . . . figured you would want to know what kind of hamster you have. He’s a honey bear hamster. They do get quite large!!! I worked way to long in a big box pet store not to recognize him right away. I think I still have a scar on my hand from one of his cousins. http://exoticpets.about.com/od/hamsters/p/syrianhams.htm

All in the Family: Courtney LeBlanc's poetry chapbook is an honest and raw look into the dynamics of family relationships, the good, the bad, and the oh-so ugly; it'll make you cringe, cry, laugh, smile, and appreciate the relationships you have with your family.