The Ultimate The Secret Life Of The American Teenager Drinking Game

So for some wacky reason, let’s say you’re forced to watch The Secret Life of the American Teenager tonight. Maybe your friends are insisting that it’s so bad that it’s good or maybe your TV broke and the only channel you can watch is ABC Family or maybe you’re being held hostage by a fringe extremist group who knows that watching this show for an hour equates to insane mental torture.

Whatever your zany and unique situation may be tonight, we have the solution to your problem: The Ultimate The Secret Life of the American Teenager Drinking Game. Because a show that manages to make characters say “sex” 16 times per minute without ever actually talking about the details of sex, totally deserves one.

Let’s start with the two basic rules of any TV-related drinking games:

1. No hard alcohol. It’s a drinking game. Not a drink to your death game. Stick with beer, wine and Mike’s Hard Lemonade (if you’re really into horrible hangovers). If you follow the rules and watch the entire episode, you’ll still end the episode with a nice buzz.

2. No playing alone. That’s just sad. We don’t want any of our awesome Crushable readers to do something so sad. Whether you play with someone else in the room or you videochat throughout the episode, make sure someone else is drinking alongside you.

Now let’s discuss the rules for this specific game.

You’re going to take an alcoholic drink anytime one of the following things happen during the episode:

An conversation gets repeated more than once during the episode. For example Lauren overhears an entire conversation in the school hallway marginally related to her and immediately calls Madison and relays the entire conversation. Drink extra fast if Madison then calls someone else and repeats the entire conversation.

Two characters talk about a third character’s sex life. For example, Ricky and Ben wonder aloud if Ashley and her boyfriend are sexually active.

George Juergens says something sexist. Take two drinks if he says something sexist about either of his daughters to their face.

Amy Juergens picks up John like it’s the first time she’s ever held him.

Ashley says something so incredibly deadpan into the camera that you believe she’s trying to tell the audience something in code. Now this one’s harder to decipher, but you’ll know it when you see it.

Any character answers a question in complete sentences.

Adrian: Would you like to know why I was upset with you today in the school hallway?

Ben: Yes, I would like very much to know why you were upset with me today in the school hallway.

A new family member shows up that we’ve never heard of shows up to create drama — and leave by the end of the episode.