Hodgson resigns from shadow cabinet

Roy Hodgson has resigned from the shadow cabinet following the England football team’s drubbing at the hands of a country with less people in it than Shropshire.

After England pulled out of Euro 2016 due to being comprehensively beaten, Hodgson said he “no longer had faith in Jeremy Corbyn, and I will no longer serve in his shadow cabinet.”

Meanwhile the rest of Europe joined with England in mourning the knockout.

“We feel your pain” said Angela Merkel, trying to stifle her emotion, “no, honestly. We do. We are Really Sad.”

Hodgson is the 758th person to leave the shadow cabinet. His exit was preceded by the resignations of Fat Al who runs the local chippy (shadow minister for vegetables) and a small piece of string (shadow minister for creosote-tasting).

“Jeremy has lost it,” said the piece of string, wiping the blood off a dagger, “we need to bring back Tony Blair. Everyone loved the Blairites. Screw the party membership and their stupid votes.”

Corbyn however insisted that his cabinet was “stronger than ever”, as he offered new posts to a fern, a sheet of dried lasagna, and a decomposing corpse he ‘found’ in a cemetery.

Hodgson confirmed his intention to enter the Labour leadership contest when it begins in earnest, once everyone has retrieved their knives from Jeremy Corbyn’s back.