We'll never really know unless DC gets off their duff and does it. But in the meantime, I've envisioned a few titles that might be distributed from the newsstands of Metropolis, Gotham, Star City, Opal City, and other places in the DCU proper. How would editors in the DCU offices of DC Comics describe their product?

Without further ado, here we go.....

LEX LUTHOR: MAD SCIENTIST
He's an ex-businessman AND ex-president turned super-menace! Follow the trail of a once-benevolent philanthropist into the heart of insanity. See how a chance meeting between Lex Luthor and Superman started a chain of events that can never be undone. See how an uneasy friendship impossibly degraded into full-blown enmity. Did Superman shove Luthor out of a spotlight that was rightfully his? Is his every loss at Superman's hands only a greater defeat for justice everywhere? Only Lex Luthor knows the truth.

Brought to you by the megalomaniacal team of Roger Stern and Tom Mandrake!

METAMORPHO AND ELEMENT GIRL
Rex Mason is an adventurous archaeologist. Urania Blackwell is a world-traveling secret agent. When a dig in Egypt coincides with the pursuit of international grave-robbers, Rex and Urania's lives are inextricably linked forever. Trapped by thieves deep in the Tomb of Ra, the only way out is to unleash the arcane forces inside an ancient jeweled scepter. Forces that not only change their lives, but their humanity. Now they travel together using the powers of the periodic table to prevent international catastrophes. Full of intrigue and espionage. Featuring Krypton the Element Dog.

Brought to you by molecule masters Walt Simonson and Mike Allred!

BATMAN'S CAVE OF MYSTERY
How does the Dark Knight travel in space with the Justice League one day and battle crimelords in Gotham the next? It's easy when you have help. These adventures delve into the elusive mystery of the enigmatic Batman. No one man could ever endure such a life alone, could he? Is he really one man or is "The Batman" truly a splinter society broken off from the shadowy League of Assassins? What is the true power of the Batcave? Is it a super-scientific underground lab? Or is it a portal to Batcaves all over the world? And just what purpose do the Robins serve? Talia wants to know!

Mysteries abound in this saga told by Chuck Dixon and Norm Breyfogle!

SUPERMAN'S PALS
Think you know what it takes to run a newspaper in a city full of superheroes? Who cares? We wanna know what happens in between the stories! What is the secret of Clark Kent's closet? What happens when Jimmy Olsen's turtle powers manifest on a hot date? Would Clark ever dress as Superman to fulfill Lois Lane's bedroom fantasy? How did Lois get the nickname of One Woman Army Corps? Featuring Guarding and his legion of newsboy clones!

Read all about it here by Karl Kesel and Michael Lark!

SECRETS OF SINISTER SWAMP HOUSE
Ever since the mysterious disappearance of scientists Alec and Linda Holland years ago, rumors have swelled around their small bungalow in the Everglades. Some say they were killed in an experiment gone wrong. Some say the swamp took revenge for their crimes against nature. Anyone brave enough to venture in the swamp comes back out changed. If they come back out at all! Those who do tell tales of muck-encrusted monsters. A few say they're kind. But most say they are manifestations of nature's rage. What really happened to the Hollands all those years ago? Are they still their in some way? Do you dare learn the Secrets of Sinister Swamp House?

By David Michelinie and Bernie Wrightson!

SONS OF THUNDER
What if a Native American lived in ancient Europe? Scholars scoff at this idea. All save for one. Dr. Mathias Krone believes he has found mentions of an Indian serving in the court of Carolus Magnus. And more evidence that this "red-skinned Viking savage" married a lady and settled in Medieval France. Moreover, there is a little known Indian fable of the thunder deity known as He-No. It is said his son was lost to a far land of swords and spears. It is said this son spilled much blood to return to his people. And that he went back to that distant land after he led them to their destined settlement. Dr. Krone has been at a loss to find a link between this time-lost savage and the tribe supposed to have sired him. That is, until one of his students, a dark-haired youth named Henry Ericksson, attends his class. Amazingly, Henry sports a tribal tattoo that resembles the ancient hammer of Thunor, an ancient Viking thunder god. Dr. Krone is sure there is a link, but cannot know how far this mystery will take him. What is the legacy of the Viking warrior brave known only as Arak Red-Hand? What has it meant to his descendants throughout the ages?

A tale that can only be told by Roy Thomas and Tony DeZuniga!

These are only a few of the comics that DCU readers may enjoy. Do you want to see more? Drop a comment and lemme know, effendi! Maybe you even have your own suggestions. Get off the pot so I can hear what you got!

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About the Author - Zenguru

Zenguru has been an Outhouser since the days it was blue. He's the Rick Jones of The Outhouse. Not always in the mansion, but always around in a pinch. Just don't pinch too hard, okay? He's written a few articles, notably $k!d M@rks, and has published several books of poetry. Lately, he's been writing poems and fiction about diners. He's been reading comics since the mid-70's. He dreams of one day traveling between dimensions to be Jonah Hex's sidekick.