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Tuesday, 23 February 2010

Before The Heat Doth Cometh, a little humour to brighten up a cold winter day.
Did you guys ever wonder why A, B, C, D, E, & F are used to define our bra sizes?

A - Almost Boobs
B - Barely There
C - Can Do
D - Darn Good
E - Enormous
F - Fake
So this biker is riding along a narrow winding bumpy country lane somewhere in Northern Ireland, when this sparrow flies up in front of him. The biker can't do anything and so hits the sparrow. As he looks in his rear view mirror, he sees the sparrow lying in the road. So being the kind of guy he is, he stops, picks up the sparrow and takes it home and puts it in a cage, still in a coma. And when the sparrow wakes up the following morning, he looks through the bars of the cage and shouts, "Shit, I must have killed that soddin' biker guy".
"No!” said the boy and he kept on walking, but the motorcyclist pulls up to him again and says, "Hey kid, I'll give you £10 if you hop on the back"

"NO!" shouted the boy and he proceeded down the street a little quicker.

But the motorcyclist pulls up to the boy again and says, "Ok kid, I'll give you £20 and a BIG bag of sweets if you hop on the back for a ride."

At this point the boy turns around to him and screams angrily, "Look Dad, YOU bought the Honda, so YOU ride it!!
This engineering student was walking across the Queen's University campus when another engineering student rides up on a shiny new motorcycle.

"Where did you get such a great bike?" asked the first engineering student.

"Well,” replied the second engineering student “I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. And you know what? She stopped, threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want!"

So the first engineering student nodded approvingly, "Good choice mate” he said “The clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."
One Sunday morning, an old biker walks into church and sits down in the front row. As the preacher is beginning his sermon, the devil suddenly appears at the altar. The members of the congregation, including the preacher himself, flee the church in terror, all except for this one old biker in the front row.

The devil notices this one biker still in the church and walks down from the altar to confront him. He roars at the man, "Do you know who I am?"

"Why of course I know who you are," the man calmly replies. "You're Satan."

"And you're not afraid of me like the others?" the devil asks somewhat miffed.

To which the biker replies, "No. Why should I be? Haven't I've been married to your eejit of a sister for the last 25 years."
Peter and Mary decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie was to get their 10-year-old son Marty out of the apartment, so they sent him out on to the balcony and ordered him to report on all of the neighbourhood activities.

And so it was that Marty began his commentary - as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed away from the car park," he announced. "And an ambulance has just driven past."

Then after few moments of silence had passed by - "Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out. "And that guy Harry across the way, he’s riding a new motorbike - and the Coopers over there - they’re having sex."

Bill and Mary shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" his startled father asked.

"Because their kid Sean is standing out on the balcony as well." Young Marty replied.
There's a guy sitting at a local Belfast bar, just staring at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making MCUI-UC Official steps up next to him, takes the drink from the poor guy, and throws it all down his throat.

The poor man starts crying and the MCUI-UC Official says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink with my alleged expenses. I just can't stand seeing a man crying."

"No, it's not that. This day has just been the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. And when I leave the office to get my car, I find out it’s been stolen. Well the PSNI as usual say they can do nothing, so I get a taxi to return home and when the taxi has left me off, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards in it. So I go in home and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the neighbour. So then I leave home and come to this bar. And just when I was about to put an end to my life, you show up and drink my soddin' beer I'd just poisoned."
My thanks to whosoever may own copyright of the above jokes.