Sunday, October 13, 2013

WHAT I KNOW FOR SURE, INDIA AND SURROGACY!

Mark's Rocket Ship

For those of you who have followed our journey, Mark will be 5 on Tuesday and the twins will be 3 on December 20th. Mark is a genius according to us, Elle runs our home and Alec has an A personality. Well what does that say about us...for those of you who know us...you fill in the blanks.

I decided to write this post for many reasons. One a number of you always email me asking when will you post, and secondly due to the climate of surrogacy in India at this time. I really want to give a shout out to Dr. Patel because she always holds the mantle that eludes many when surrogacy in India is discussed. For those of us who have traveled this road I can say that we are tired of the voices that have never traveled our journey to talk about exploitation of surrogates yet have no idea how many intended parents or better known as IPs have been exploited. We do not ask for any one's sympathies because we all embark on this journey desperate and wholeheartedly hoping for a connection with the best of humanity.

Often I wonder to myself, what role do intended parents play in this story. Is it fair to ask the doctors to house the surrogates for 8-9 months? Are we paying the surrogates what the market will bare? Are the doctors truly exploiting the surrogates? I am concerned when people open business and facilitate and have never even had a surrogate anywhere in the world. The answer to these questions are a mixed bag.

I have openly stated that our surrogate was not housed for the entire period of time in Gujarat, because she did not need to be. We were fortunate enough to have had a surrogate who worked in the medical field in India. I personally do not feel that all surrogates need to be housed, although I do work with doctors who do feel that the should be housed. The problem comes into play if a doctor tells their intended parents that their surrogates are housed, when they are not. I have intended parents tell me that they have worked with doctors and did undercover work on their own only to find that their surrogate was not being housed, however they were charged for housing. If you are concerned about your surrogate not getting the payment that you think is fair then it is incumbent upon you to if at all possible to hand the surrogate extra funds privately.

What I know for sure is that there are good doctors in India that value what they do and love their job. I have cried with doctors who work tirelessly to do the best that they can because they will not tell a client that they have had yet another negative. Are there bad doctors in India? Yes just like anywhere else in the world, however it is more pronounced when it is not regulated. I am not saying anything that I have not already said before, the truth is that now more voices are finally seconding the realities of what I and others have been saying for years.

6 comments:

Well said. Happy birthday to your lil one! That must be very exciting and a lovely rocket by Mark. With IVF/Surrogacy, there are more pros than cons like everything else in life. Any technology can have flaws or be misused and as a society we need to learn to harness the technology for good. The biggest missing link in IVF/surrogacy is the lack of laws even if for a few bad apples. Perhaps we can take a page from 2013 winner of Nobel peace prize. Chemical weapons are bad and after realizing this and getting rid of them peacefully is the way to go and harness the technology properly. It is about saving and bettering human lives.

We are seeing some crazy things right now. Fortunately there are a few people who have been around long enough and know the history to put things into perspective.

The problem today is that you have a pie that used to have 8 slices that now has only 2 slices. Rather than the clinics and agents lowering their expectations and trying to share harmoniously those 2 slices, they are all going postal fighting for what they were used to. You have agents quitting or being fired because they now feel their margins are too small. Similarly, clinics are trying to figure out ways to stretch their margins any way possible. Ethics have taken a back seat to profits and staking out market share.

I have been a SM in CA, delivering just 6 weeks ago and I ask, why would any SM need to be housed? I couldn't imagine being stripped away from my family to carry a pregnancy. That sounds like it would be traumatizing, in my opinion. Can you help me understand?

J--What you have said is spot on. Let the chips fall where they may. If India makes it law that single and the gay community is not allowed to pursue surrogacy, its lights off for many clinics. For those that do survive it will it will become more and more difficult for IP's to handle the journey on their own.