Yours Truly

Thursday, July 04, 2013

Thursday, November 18, 2010

We thank God for his mercies, love and protection. Provision nko? He dey kampe.

How are you all doing?

I needed to urgently seek advice from my blogvile fam before this matter gets out of hand.

This is a serious issue and it is the issue of FART!

It all started like 2 weeks ago, i was walking and the next thing was a big paaa...'FART' escaping from my butts!.It has now gone worse. So bad that while laughing, talking, typing eating etc yours truly is busy farting. I can't control it again oh. please help me.

Early momo na fartafternoon nko? same thingMidnight, it will come

'Aint no stopping this farrrrtttt, its on the roll'

And the fart is coming at a time that i have been going to the washroom to do 'NO 2' every morning which i normally do not do. My normal 'No 2' time is once in 3-4days. but now that my system is becoming normal, this fart is embarrasing me everywhere.

I was by the water dispenser this afternoon in the office and i heard this paparapaparapappraaaa sound coming from my bum....kai. people full everywhere but dem no gree look up.I can swear that they heard the explosion but were just trying to give me my 'personal space'. please wetin i fit swallow to put an end to this shame.

The good thing is that it doesnt smell but it's too loud. I'm sure a couple of my coleagues would have noticed this evil thing but wondering wetin dey happen to my system that is revolting big time.

Fatherrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, my enemies will not catch me by fire!

I have farted like 4 times in the course doing this post. Wetin dey happen to me?-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My 10months old daughter is almost becoming a little me.As in meal times are hilarious times. she will insist on trying to feed herself and will then use the same hand to rub her hair! Imagine! Cereals Milk, Snacks name it and my little one will ensure her hair is fertilized with the food.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------There is this young man in my office. he is in my team. he loves all this naija songs and likes playing it. The boy sabi dance sha....all this new body twisting, hand moving and distorted faces dance; he sabi all of them.

Ok before i digress, the boy plays it everywhere (i mean the music) and my mind has started picking the songs;You wont believe that i now know 'pop pop,pop pop something, make you pop champagne', 'im so endowed', 'gbongbon gbongbon(shake) . Understand this oh, i dont like the songs ( they dont edify and a heavenly consious fella should run from them) but the mind is something else, it learns so fast. so i have decided to be plugging my ears once he is around.

Remember the bible warned us to gaurd our heart dilliently for out of it flows the issues of life!

Thursday, November 04, 2010

We thank God for life and i am so happy we are all doing well and everyone is in top shape.I am tired of apologizing everytime i do a post late. but biko accept darkelooo like that.

Ok, quick low down for the 11months hiatus; my daughter is all grown( getting tempted to go preggers again.lol) cut my hair, got promoted despite this recession in naija, moved into a new department ( where i climb trees , buildings, mountains etc lol). Hubby is doing well and in all i give glory to God

ok blogville, i'm currently weaning oh. weaning process is very easy. my boobs are harder than rock and i have been using cashmere scarve all around (like an hajia) to avoid the embarassment of leaking boobies). hubby and i have been doing hot water compress since tuesday to relieve the pains.

i had decided that i will be the best mom and breastfeed for one and a half year, but lai lai my daughter did not allow me.

She decided to turn my boobs to chewing gum/pacifier/feeding bottle. By last weekend i had serious sore. So i quickly decided to end it before i will make guiness book of records; ''here comes the mom with no nipples'' lol. anyways i am trying to cope till this will be all over.

i dont know if it is only my daughter or its general with kids; wheneve hubby and i decide to do the mush mush moves; my daughter will be screaming to be included! imagine? 10 months old pikin oh. once you now include her she will want to climb her dad and be waiting to be tickled.

Work is hectic but what can i do than to thank God that i even have the work.

Wonders will never end, i was passing thru airport road the other day and i saw a car that had FURS all over it. it was branded for this new energy drink; (that will give u the power of gorilla i guess) but ewwww, it was creepy. furs on a car? wetin be that.

Thursday, January 07, 2010

i never imagined it will take me this long to update. hope you guys are doing well?

Ok quick gist before i go, God gave me a bouncing baby girl on 24th December around 5.45am and her weight was 3.34kg

All i can say is that natural delivery is soo sweet cos i just strolled into the labour room sleept from 23rd morning till 24th morning and i woke up only to meet the baby all dressed in a cot beside me! ( to borrow FFF's story............in my dreams it was much easier) Na lie oh it wasnt easy but it was worth it. Hubby was there all through and you need to see how he treats his queen and princess now. hehehe i must born again. lol

i will soon update on motherhood gist but one thing my mum told me i have lost forever is my SLEEP. Told my daughter today that the way she is suckling and latching on me for milk is hard and that she will soon have her baby and see how it is. my mum could not stop laughing imagine telling a 2weeks old that? when will she deliver?

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

To God be the glory for another bright and extremely sunny day. how have you guys been?

I have come again oh with my high level of foolishness.

Sit back and have a good laugh

Before i got married, i had this vision of 'enjoying' my marriage before kids start coming in. I had the mind of waiting till after one year before i start thinking of kids. Your sister got married and was constantly going to Jerusalem ( no allow me spell am out now, please decode) without using any protection. People please ask me what was i thinking?

It never crossed my mind that i would "catch" belle but blogville i don catch oh......big time.Remembered my last post that i complained of getting fatter? apparently na lil elcees dey grow inside me.

kai women dey suffer............... the thing my eye don see in the last 2 months? abeg make i no scare the upcoming mummies in the house. Maybe i can submit my story to Bambina self?

It all started with lil headaches and tiredness it now aggravated to vomiting everything and nothing. My body temparature can boil water. i have already taken 3 days off work and i know i still have plenty months to go! I went to the hospital hoping there could be something to remove the "omolaria" that is worrying me but the doctor looked at me and said it will pass that i should manage. heheheeheheh*wailing* manage till when?

I really pitied hubby cos the dude now knows how to eat noodles well well when his wife can't cook anything. We had earlier agreed on no househelps till we start having kids but i think he is almost changing his mind now cos of the food part ( he is so hardworking that he cant cook nada)

The only food i dont throw up is Amala! Imagine? eating amala in the office when everyone is forming with correct meal. My office assistant is an angel from God, the guy comes exactly 1pm daily to ask me for money to help buy the food( i cant eat the food i manage to cook at home) . I never knew you could get good amala joint in Victoria Island but somehow the guy comes back with my bowl of steaming hot amala and ewedu. God bless his soul

My Summation .................................................KO EASY AT ALL.We have rested the case of pounded yam for now until i get my groove back.

please peeps that have 4 kids how did they manage it? ( SSD how you take manage?)Cos i dont know if i can go again oh. So please help me pray for Twins. Miracle can still happen....... my hubby is a twin and his mum had two sets so please let it be replicated in our familyDark-elooooo wants TWINS by fireWill def keep you posted. let me go resume my prayers for twins.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

I Thank God for another opportunity for Mrs. Dark-elooo ( yeah that is my new name...lol) to put up a post. Many wish to do so but for a reason or the other they can't. hahahahahehehehe.Thanks for the comments... like they say in yoruba "Ire Akari"

Ok i got this in my mail box today and i felt let me share with my peeps. hope you will have a good and healthy laugh like i did.

My people,I am getting fatter oh. How many weeks into the marriage? ("it is not what you are thinking".)All my clothes now look like "borrowed" pieces. If you see any dark round thing rolling like drum around Lagos island, then it is moi. I am serious about this matter oh. What can i do? pleaseeeeeeeeeee don't suggest exercise cos of my work hours. I need help.muaaaaahhhhh

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Ok sorry i am feeling lazy but i must put the devil to shame today and update something. please bear with me if my post aint coherent.

- yes i got married, march 14th at my villa.- left lagos on 12th with me carrying one of my cakes on my lap for the 45mins drive to villa cos the car was filled with all wedding stuff dont know if the cake shop put stones in the cakes cos they were heavy and big.- Got to villa and we drove straight to church as we had rehersal and i was mandated to do pregnancy test before Church can agree to marry us.- During rehersal, the pastor coordinating was reciting the marital vows and instead of calling our names or allowing us to use our names he named me "Sister B" and hubby "Brother A". i couldnt help laughing all through cos it sounded silly. The poor man now explained that some couples have actually slept with each other immediately after rehersal cos they claimed they have been joined together as husband and wife ( is that possible? person wey wan do go do..... no holds barred)- Went for pg test after rehersal, they insisted on taking blood for pg! (somebody help me) maybe because they want to catch me if i am 1 hour preggers.lol- Hubby said if the test is positive that he will not be like Joseph ( Jesus' earthly dad) who agreed to Holy Spirit's message about the conception of Jesus without questions. that he will listen to Holy Spirit or my story.- Test went well and negative. went home to see my mum and family. the number of people i knelt down to greet during those 2 1/2 days were more than i have done in my 3 decades on earth.- Insisted that i wont sleep at home cos i am kinda "people shy", mummy darkelcee preached, begged and forced but i insisted and even convinced my senior ones in joining me to sleep in an hotel

Friday ( Traditional Wedding)- Woke up and went to fix my hair- Went back home looking like toast bread.- Started another round of kneeling down to greet people that i dont even know. all becos mumsy said , uncle mi, cousin me, aunty mi etc)- Engagement ceremony started a bit late but hubby and i were gisting and giggling away.- He later told me he did his own round of postrating and all too.- I came out with 3 friends and plenty family members.-When i went to hug my mum she started crying oh. Imagine Does Margaret Thatcher cry?lol. tears came to my eye but i remembered my make up and "bone up". wetin! Why do parents cry on their children's wedding day self? maybe mine was because Pop died a while back.- Hubby and i was asked to kiss publicly to show our love for each other( u need to see how i positioned my mouth.i am never a slacker!lol)- Finished engagement party sha

Went back to the hotel and around 9pm remembered i left my WEDDING BOUQUET in lagos. Blogville..... no be small thing oh as house key dey my purse for villa. so i called a friend up and i got the razziest looking thing around 10.15am when church service started 10am prompt. I held the "grass" into the church and i never touched it till today, dont even know who picked it.I didntt even take pictures with it. ( made up my mind to wear my wedding gown and take a picture with the original fine bouquet)- Hubby was just checking me out cos i looked beaurrriiiifulllll and i knew it too- Wedding dress was super fit. Hid my big stomach and exergerated my curves. whoever made that gown will def make heaven declares Darkelce! lol- Church finished and round of Picture and camera snapping commenced- ops almost forgot, i didnt want to use any child for my train but i was "adviced" to use only two. so i picked my niece as the lil bride ( abi wetin dem dey call them) and ring bearer- hubby's nephew. People,ring bearer did not go in with the train oh, na so so cry im dey cry. I was speechless 5 year old crying like that? As i didnt want the boy to remove my smile i gently and nicely told the parent to take him away.if it was darkelcee in the 50s........ ( shakes head and legs)

- Reception went well, mumsy been an ijebu party loving fella prepared for 700 guest and we had like 500 sha so everything was in excess. (Thank God)- I dont know how to dance but i still tried to dance but people were just saying all sort; elcee dance now, kilo de , u dey shy ?- Hubby was busy inventing all manner of dance steps that wont be discovered till 2060.

- My niece put up a show at the wedding, been planning everything with my 4 year old niece. she was kinda my best friend.lol. We were together. It took a plate of Jollof rice to keep her away from Hubby and I at the Reception. When it was time for me to leave, she ran inside the car and called her mum to send her clothes! e gba mi , where she dey go?? she was forcefully carried out and she started screaming " aunty elcee knows we are doing wedding together" kai , tears threatened to fall from my eye cos i knew i would miss her.- Wont tell you the details of after reception but i am sure you all have an idea.- Went to Ghana for part 2 of the honey moon. heyyyyy Ghana is hot! haaaa , Blogville family; none of us will go to hell fire oh. Ghana is hot. if i stayed there for 1 month you guys wont recognise me again.- Ghana was fun but its gist for another day.

long post oh

i am out of here.

Update in two weeks. I promise

thanks for all the comments, I appreciate it.

PSI am yet to learn how to pound. Bought Ola Ola for hubby. you guys needed to be there to see his expression.BAADDD, BIASED etc. but he ate with love and i know that wont be for long.

So pray for me to see someone to teach me and also for the grace to learn. Need a miracle for this Plastic Hands of mine to recieve bones in them so as to be able to pound