Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Last week, Americans were inventing their royal titles based on a grandparent's first name, followed by a pet's name and ending in a street where you've lived name. I'd be Lady Ella Carlotta SW 108th.

After seeing photos of the royal wedding, all I can say is "hats off to the royal couple because some of those hats never should have gone on."

Mariah Carey gave birth to twins. A girl came first, weighing 5 pounds, 3 ounces and measuring 18 inches. Her brother came next at 5 pounds, 6 ounces and 19 inches. I guess this proves size does matter.

May 3 was National Lumpy Rug Day. I celebrated by paying tribute to that thing on Donald Trump's head.

On May 1, 1952, Mr. Potato Head was born. That's interesting. I thought my husband was born in 1949.

On May 4, 1932, Al Capone went to Atlanta Penitentiary for income tax evasion. If he was living today, that wouldn't happen because his crime syndicate earned him enough money to avoid paying income taxes.

On May 9, 1886, Atlanta Pharmacist John Styth Permerton invented the syrup for Coca Cola. I wonder if he ever went to the Atlanta Penitentiary since the syrup supposedly contained cocaine.

Americans Richard Bird and Floyd Bennett get credit for being the first to fly over the North Pole on May 9, 1926. But I don't believe that. Santa Claus had 'em beat by at least a century.

On May 10, 1994, Nelson Mandela became the first black president of South Africa. I wonder if he was ever asked for his birth certificate.

On May 29, 1849, Abraham Lincoln said, "You can fool some of the people all of the time, all of the people some of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time." Someone should remind Congress of that.

About Me

I am an award-winning professional journalist and comedy writer. I've written for newspapers, magazines, radio, television, headlining comedians and politicians. I also do standup, inspirational speaking and acting. I'm a Texas native with a drawl that drips slower than molasses. This blog is updated each week, so please come back for a visit.