I will rate these soaps using the CUHPR system (Completely Unscientific and Highly Personal Ratings) purely on...how they smell. I am also truly terrible at describing scents so this should be highly informative and something you really should base future purchase decisions on.

Naked & Smooth
This is the Stirling soap for sensitive skin and I actually use the soap bar version for my face and like it a lot.
Scent-wise it's a tad unfair to include it in the competition (since it's...you know...unscented) but it's also very much in line with CUHPR to do so...so I do.
The scent is very faint. I pick up some soap. It's pleasant but not exciting. It's like a nice smelling grandma. In a good way.CUHPR: 4/10

Tea Tree
I'm getting a freshly cut lawn. A lawn that someone sprinkled some spice over. Not sure what spice but I like it. It's not overwhelming at all and doesn't offend my nose in any way. It's pleasant.CUHPR: 6/10

Ben Franklin
This soap is officially described as "smells like an older gentleman’s pantaloons at the end of a hot July day in Philadelphia, drafting important documents with no air conditioner. "
Now, I haven't been blessed with the opportunity to be around - or sniff - pantaloons of the nature described here but what I can tell you is that, based on this soap, I wouldn't mind.
The scent is fairly faint, to the point that I wish it would punch me a bit harder with that sweaty pantaloon smell. Supposedly it has clove and nutmeg in it...but I can't detect that.CUHPR: 5/10

Sharp Dressed Man
Now, this is one seriously dangerous soap. First time I picked it up and gave it courtesy smell I was like "Ok, smells nice but hardly anything there". Then I put it down. Came back to it. Put it down...and came back to it realizing I may have developed a crush on a soap.
I even have the soap bar of this "S.D.M" and even though you may think the scent is faint...it quickly fills up the shower area with that fantastic, impossible to pin-point scent.
I absolutely, hands-down, love this scent. It is fantastic.
Now, if it could only make me look like Cary Grant as well - not only smell as he did - I'd be drinking and bathing in this stuff.
This may be one of the best scents ever invented.
Did I mention I really like it?
Because I really do.CUHPR: 9/10

Bay Rum
I have confession to make. I had never smelled Bay Rum before I received this soap. I had of course heard a lot of people raving about this elusive scent and I really wanted to try it out - and like it.
Turns out I think I may hate Bay Rum.
While Sharp Dressed Man has a scent I want to fall asleep to - Bay Rum has a scent I want to get away from me. It's very strong...and very spicy. It smells like Christmas to me for some reason. A very spicy drunken Christmas drink. I actually think it may hurt my nostrils.
No idea if the Stirling version of Bay Rum is 'authentic' or if represents Bay Rum well - all I can say is that I am reluctant to shave with it.CUHPR: 2/10

Rose
Now this soap came to me a 'surprise sample' from Rod at Stirling soaps.
Not sure I would had ordered it on my own. I mean it's a floral rose scent. What am I? A girl?
So I picked it up ready to just 'sniff it and dismiss it' - but wow. this is a very 'delicate' (like a rose?) scent. It's faint..yet has a presence. It's actually very close to S.D.M in how it pulls you in and makes you like it.
It feels very refined...and..as if I want to be a better man because of this soap.
I really like it.
It's also one of the 'exclusive' soaps of Stirling's carrying a premium price and it's is the only soap currently sold out. So hah, I have one..and you don't...and I'll use it...oh yes I will.
Not sure it smells like a rose but I don't really sniff many roses so it may be hard for me to tell anyway - all I know is I really like it.CUHPR: 8/10

Sandalwood
I was first introduced to Sandalwood through a sample cologne I received from Trumpers. I loved it SO much I mortgaged my house and ordered a bottle from them.
A bit later I receive this Sandalwood soap by Stirling.
It doesn't quite smell like the cologne. Maybe there are different 'versions' of Sandalwood just like there are a thousand and one versions of Bay Rum. I didn't fall in love with this soap right away. I've gone back to it and sniffed it and I like it...I just don't love it. Yet.
It's a fairly faint smell (not like the punch in the nose strength of the Bay Rum) and not offensive at all. I can pick up traces of the Sandalwood scent I had from the Trumpers product but obviously not as strong. I am however looking forward to smell it as I shave with it.CUHPR: 6/10

Lemongrass & Cajeput
I think this soap is a sleeper. I don't hear much about it and it is actually one of my favorite scents by Stirling. This scent is fresh! With a capital F (so I guess that would make it Fresh actually and not fresh)!
A very clean, fresh and crisp scent. I feel clean just sniffing it. If I run late some morning I may just smell it and skip the shower. That clean and crisp.
I have no idea what lemongrass smells like. Don't you eat that as well? But if it smells like this soap then lemongrass is an awesome scent.CUHPR: 8/10

And no, you can't have the soaps I didn't like. I'm gonna melt them down and make soap toy soldiers out of them.

Excellent review. I like your descriptions, humorous and to the point.
I love the barbershop scent. Also one of my favorites is Stirling One. Same experience as you had with sharp dressed man. Can't stop smelling it

Being a menthol lover I'm freaked out over the Glacial which is so cold that it feels like it could give your face freezer-burn. No other soap on Planet Earth has that strong a menthol effect except Yeti Snot. Another strongly-mentholated Stirling soap is the MITA.