JudgeLynnToler

This was on my mind ...

17 and I are in LA. Getting ready to tape. Going to have to wake him at 6 am. He’s going to love that! Glad my crew is getting to know one another and are so welcoming to new crew members, The phone call idea is a good one. I am going to throw that in the hopper. I am starting to Tweet more. As soon as someone teaches me how to do it from my phone I’ll do it more often. Because you KNOW I always have an opinion.

17 and I are in LA. Getting ready to tape. Going to have to wake him at 6 am. He’s going to love that! Glad my crew is getting to know one another and are so welcoming to new crew members, The phone call idea is a good one. I am going to throw that in the hopper. I am starting to Tweet more. As soon as someone teaches me how to do it from my phone I’ll do it more often. Because you KNOW I always have an opinion.

Thanks for asking about my tennis game 09. Played this morning but it was a huge class so mostly I just stood in line in the sun. Whacked at a few balls but not enough to get a sense of anything. Threw in a couple of good shots though. Private lesson tomorrow though before I leave. Lovin’ that! Can’t wait.

So I know you know it’s Wedlock or Deadlock premiere today. That’s working my nerves a bit as well.

But your girl is cool. I’ve got all of the scary stuff in my sights. Not going to let it run my day.

Hollering out to my crew! Your consistency and support means a lot.

I’m hungry. Guess where I’m headed? If I can clear my head I’ll holler later.

This is my favorite time of the day. If I get up at 6 it says I haven’t been worrying too much (because if I had been I would have gotten up at 4). It also means that I am awake and alone with a fresh brain.

The furniture for The Room is arriving today. All I need is one more hour or two of clean up before I’m ready for that. So all is well.

I would like to thank My Crew for the kudos on the tape (as well as the ones giving props for the ability to post it!!) As you can see I typically see only those things I’ve done wrong not what went well. Useful habit when trying to improve. Pain in the ass when making an effort to be content.

And that I suppose is my subject for today. I have realized, of late, that contentment is not something that just occurs. You know what I mean. We all say as soon as I. . . then you name it – get that promotion – lose weight – find a mate – etc. I’ll be content. But you know what happens while you’re waiting for that to get right something else goes wrong. Rarely, if ever, do all your ducks get in a row.

I realized some time ago, though I forget it on a regular basis: Happy ain’t looking for me – I need to look for it.

So today I WILL find contentment in whatever ordinary difficulties of the day that may occur. (I say ordinary because if you have something really bad happen like wrap your car around a poll or get shot – contentment is pretty much off the table at least for a day or two ; ). But I mean the dumb stuff. Waiting in lines – minor annoyances- teenagy children. I am going to find my center today and stay there.

Contentment is something you strive for: it’s an acceptance of what is, it requires you to focus on all that is right. If you’ve read my book you will know that it will help to Globalize You Pain Quotient. And when your mood drifts back towards irritation make a decision to pull it back to where it will do you some good.

My husband said something to me the other day that I found quite helpful. I received a phone call from someone with respect to something important and they left a message saying give me a call or something like that but didn’t say really what it was about.

So what did I do? I started wondering what’s wrong. Asked Big E do you think. . . then I went through every negative scenario you could think of. He let me finish. Did not get mad (which he used to do – improvement, another thing to be happy about) and then said: “don’t waste your time worrying about a problem until you know you have one.”

That was a light bulb and sparkler moment for me. Sometimes worry is helpful. If you have a problem and you are concerned about it you go through all of the possible scenarios and reactions. That way you might come upon a solution or be more prepared. That’s the part that throws me. I do that kind of worrying and often find creative solutions to difficulties that way. So I find it beneficial.

But like anything else too much of it or applied inappropriately it’s nothing but trouble. The hard part for me was deciding when worry was helpful and when I have gone “off the road “. Now I have at least one bright line rule I can follow. Doesn’t solve it all but it should help me eliminate a whole section of inappropriate concern.

This picture is me all happy. (from my trip to Sedona months back but my facial expression is apt.) Also I am all into my new computer skills and I want to share.

More from JudgeLynn

Books

My Mother's Rules" is a humorous, easy to follow self-help guide to managing your emotional life.

Using lessons learned on the bench along with humorous anecdotes from her own 30 year marriage, Judge Lynn Toler wrote "Making Marriage Work" as a logical and simple guide to bringing back the practicality lost in relationships over the years.

About

Judge Lynn Toler became the host of the longest running television court program, "Divorce Court" in 2006. Prior to that, Judge Lynn Toler graduated from Harvard University and The University of Pennsylvania Law School. She began practicing law in Cleveland in 1984. In 1993, at the age of 33, she was elected judge of The Cleveland Heights Municipal Court. Judge Toler volunteered actively in her community creating innovative programs for young offenders such as Woman Talk, a program designed to intensively mentor young, at-risk girls.

Toler also headed the Cleveland Heights Coordinated Community Response to Violence against Women, a countywide initiative for the coordination of community resources to assist women who are victims of violence. She was also active as an advisory board member for Templum House, a battered women's shelter. As a result of her work in the area of domestic violence in 2002, she was awarded The Humanitarian of the Year Award from The Cleveland Domestic Violence Center.

Judge Toler's dedication to ending domestic violence continues. Currently, she is on the Board of GoPurple.org, a non-profit organization that addresses the issue of domestic violence through education. GoPurple.Org sends educators into classrooms teaching students about healthy relationships, signs of potentially abusive relationships, and ways to help both themselves and others who are in abusive situations.

Judge Toler has served as an adjunct professor at Ursuline College, where she created and taught courses on Civil Rights Law, and Women and the Law. She was also a frequent instructor for the Ohio Judicial College, where she helped create and taught continuing judicial education course for other judges.

Judge Toler is the author of three books including her most recent "Making Marriage Work: New Rules for an Old Institution." Her first, "My Mother's Rules: A Practical Guide to Becoming an Emotional Genius" published in 2006, is a humorous memoir in which Judge Lynn recounts a childhood lived in the shadow of mental illness and provides a practical guide to the emotional lessons learned from that experience. And her time on the bench. Her second book, "Put It In Writing," coauthored with Deborah Hutchison, was published in September, 2009. It gives readers concrete, conflict-free solutions to the difficult situations that arise between family and friends.

Judge Toler has written for a variety of magazines including Divorce Magazine published through out the United States and Canada. In 2009, Judge Toler was given The Voice of Freedom Award by the Philadelphia Chapter of the Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. joining former honorees Colin Powell and Vice President Al Gore, in ringing the Liberty Bell on Martin Luther King Day.

Currently, Judge Toler appears regularly as a guest expert on WeTV's Marriage Bootcamp. Born on October 25, 1959, she has been married to Eric Mumford since April, 1989. She has two sons and four stepsons.

Connect with Judge Lynn

17 and I are in LA. Getting ready to tape. Going to have to wake him at 6 am. He’s going to love that! Glad my crew is getting to know one another and are so welcoming to new crew members, The phone call idea is a good one. I am going to throw that […]

17 and I are in LA. Getting ready to tape. Going to have to wake him at 6 am. He’s going to love that! Glad my crew is getting to know one another and are so welcoming to new crew members, The phone call idea is a good one. I am going to throw that […]

Good Morning and I do mean Good Morning! We received our overnight numbers on Wedlock or Deadlock and we did well! I am so excited. Still looking to build on those numbers so keep the word going. Going to LA and going to rock Divorce Court. Can’t forget my home base. Again I want to […]

Gotta go to tape tomorrow. Already sweating the aluminum tube. It’s been a bad aviation year. 17 is coming with me though. He olds my hand on takeoff. Thanks for asking about my tennis game 09. Played this morning but it was a huge class so mostly I just stood in line in the sun. […]

This is my favorite time of the day. If I get up at 6 it says I haven’t been worrying too much (because if I had been I would have gotten up at 4). It also means that I am awake and alone with a fresh brain. The furniture for The Room is arriving today. […]