Is My Ex Girlfriend Really That Happy Without Me?

OK, so you’ve unfollowed, unfriended, or blocked your exgirlfriend on every possible front. You’ve successfully removed her from all of your feeds and have made it so she’s not popping up without warning every five seconds posing with her Mocha Frappuccino and declaring it a “Great day to be alive” or something equally annoying.

Don’t worry, you really don’t need to know what she had for dinner or what her “Outfit of The Day” was.

But we both know that removing her from your feeds won’t keep you from checking on her at some point or wondering what she’s up to.

Curiosity has a fairly strong pull, especially when you happen to have suddenly subtracted someone from your life that you had gotten used to having around.

My suggestion?

Fight the urge to check on her.

However, even if you have the strongest willpower in the world, I suspect you will end up looking at her social media or asking a friend about her at some point. It’s human nature to want to know that she’s missing you. And your paths are bound to cross again at some point, especially if you life in a small town or share the same group of friends.

But wait!

She’s posting happy pics of her and friends!

She’s doing great in school!

Do You Even Have a Chance of Getting Your Ex Back? Find out in 2 Minutes...

From where you’re sitting… it looks like she didn’t even miss a beat. She’s happy! She’s out enjoying life! She’s even posting about how great her Monday was! Now, that’s just uncalled for!

How is she so doing so well when you are feeling absolutely crummy?

It’s just not fair!

She has to be doing this to mess with you… right?

You are ALMOST completely right if that’s what you were thinking.

“But, Ashley, you don’t even know her… or me… what if she really is happier without me?”

Could she just be accepting the lemons she was handed and be making the best of the situation? It’s possible.

But, if you step back and get a little perspective on things, you might see the truth.

No one likes to admit they’re having a tough time publicly unless they’re just looking to have a pity party.

So, it’s unlikely she would post that she’s having a hard time if she is actually having a hard time.

I can guarantee one thing above all others. Even if a breakup is in her best interest and you were the biggest jerk on the planet, there is some part of her that misses the relationship you had, even if it’s just one tiny aspect of the relationship.

Take it from someone whose breakups have almost ALWAYS been in her best interest and whose last ex was ACTUALLY the biggest jerk on the planet, me!

I knew both of these things, but it doesn’t keep me from occasionally missing our time together.

Sometimes, I miss teaming up against our friends on game night or being the only ones in our group of friends who knew what we were talking about when we nerded out over something completely stupid.

Sometimes, I’ll see or hear something that, back then, I would’ve told him about immediately, but now it would just be weird. I mean, it’s been almost a year and I still feel this way occasionally even though we’ve both moved on and I have NO intention of ever getting back together.

So, it’s likely that at some point she’ll check on you without you ever doing a single thing to instigate it.

How to Use This to Your Advantage

Well, in my experience, there are things that trigger these thoughts. Most of which require no action from my ex whatsoever.

In fact, the more my ex reaches out to me and tries to make me focus on him the more I realize how wrong he was for me and try to focus on literally ANYTHING else.

However, the more time that I would go without hearing from him, the more I wonder how things are going for him and what he was up to.

If you were together long enough to meet her friends and family, even if it was just a few months, then those people are likely going to bring you up as well. It’s been almost an entire year since I split with one of my exes and, even though she knows it was for the best, my mother still asks me what’s going on in his life and if he’s doing well.

Other people who knew us as a couple will ask invasive questions like,

“What ever happened to you and what’s-his-face?”

So, it’s a safe bet that at some point curiosity will get the better of her and she’ll come around to your Facebook or Instagram to see what you’ve been up to.

So, the way I see it, you have a few choices. You can throw a pity party and invite everyone you know to attend.

You can be mad at her for being happy and act like she’s some sort of traitor for moving forward with her life.

Or you can work hard to make sure that when she does eventually give into curiosity, and come around to see what you’ve been up to, she sees that you’ve done great things for yourself since you split.

I’ll give you two guesses as to which one is your best bet for getting what you want.

Why the First Two Options Don’t Work

Well, firstly, throwing a pity party doesn’t work in any situation because not only are you just making life much harder than it has to be for yourself, eventually your friends won’t want to attend the party anymore and it’ll be you… alone… being pitiful.

Secondly, being mad at her for not throwing herself a pity party is just silly. If you care, or ever cared, about her you should want her to be happy, even if it isn’t with you.

This is petty, selfish, and, if I may say, wildly unattractive.

There is no way anyone with an iota of self esteem would want someone in their life that treats them this way.

So, look at these two ways of dealing with this situation. What do they have in common?

Can you see it?

Here let me help you.

You have got to snap out of it.

You can’t be relying on your emotions to get you through this. While, yes, seeing a guys sensitive side is attractive at times, it’s not attractive when he can’t maintain his life when it comes down to it.

If you are blubbering and chasing after her trying to remind her of the good times, all she’ll picture when you aren’t around is this…

Do you think that’s attractive?

I mean yeah, it’ll make her feel good about herself for about a second, knowing that somewhere there’s a guy that she had THAT much of an effect on. But that is just feeding her ego. Guys like that are not who you get back together with.

So, how do you change direction?

Well, both of these tactics focus on one thing, trying to control things that are out of your control. If you take either one of these tactics then your perspective is outwards, focused on your ex and what is going on with her

I once had a US government teacher ask our class a question in High School while we were studying the Declaration of Independence. We had reached the line that begins, “We hold these truths to be self evident…”

I can’t remember the exact phrasing off the top of my head, and the phrasing really doesn’t pertain to the point I’m trying to make. But the gist is that this document was to ensure of of certain rights, Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.”

But we were kids, and it took us a minute to realize what she meant. Our rights ended at the point in which they infringe on someone else’s rights and vice versa.

Now, I’m not a history buff, but I understood that. There are some things in life we can’t control, like the way someone else reacts to certain circumstances. That is something that is true no matter what country you live in. You can’t FORCE your ex to miss you.

Sure, you can make her life miserable, whining in her general direction, but that won’t make her want you back. In fact it will most likely lead to her feeling bad for you. It might even make her downright hate you.

These two ways of dealing with your ex’s seemingly happy response to her newly found freedom keep you focused on the things you cannot control. That is why they will almost never work. I say almost because there’s always that one weirdo that does the impossible and makes the impossible happen. But 99.9% of the time, you will just push her further away and alienate yourself.

Make the Best of A Bad Situation

In order to make the best of the situation, you have to change your perspective on the situation.

I understand how you feel right now, like things have kind of gotten out of your control. As if there is no end in sight, at least not a favorable one. Well, that lies within the space that you find yourself where you’re loo king.

Acceptance

I know that I can’t avoid sounding like some camp group therapy leader when I say this, but here goes anyways. You have to accept this form of reality before you can do anything. Accepting the situation you’re in will help you adjust where your focus lands.

I once worked for a man who was part of a committee that was designing and building a new structure on our local campus.This means I had to sit through their committee meetings and take notes.

Now, the designs for this building were all agreed upon by the committee beforehand. However, the city had an issue with a load bearing wall that didn’t meet their requirements. This meant that the committee had to reconvene and come up with a solution for the issue.

The committee almost unanimously agreed that the removal of the fireplace in the wall was the only option. Mind you, I said ALMOST unanimously. There was one gentleman. I can’t remember his name, I think it was Bob.

Anyways, Bob insisted that instead of adjusting to make the town council happy. He would rather haggle with them and fight them on the issue. We wound up dragging out the whole process for months and months.

You see Plan A didn’t work out but Bob was convinced that A was the only way to go. He wouldn’t even consider any other plan.get

I feel like that’s how people tend to react when things don’t work out the way they expect in a relationship. They get stuck on what’s in their head and the way things were “supposed to be.”

So if you’re still hung up on what could have been, take a break.

Consider your other options, maybe a Plan B or C or Z. You get the idea.

Don’t pigeon-hole yourself into thinking A is the only way to go.

I think the best piece of advice anyone has ever told me was when I was little and I was reading a book that was absolutely awful. My grandmother asked me how it was. I told her it was good, but she knew. She knew! She looked at me and said, “Honey, you know you don’t ever have to finish anything you aren’t enjoying and that includes that book.”

So, I’m telling you the same thing right now. You don’t have to stick with something that isn’t working for you. and that means ditching plan A.

Just to clarify, plan A was the way you saw the relationship going before it wasn’t going anymore. Don’t worry you can circle back to that after No Contact, but for now come up with a new plan.

The New Plan

Okay, so in order to make the new plan work, you have to take your ex out of the equation. Don’t worry. After the new plan gets underway, your ex will wonder why you ever split up in the first place and will be begging to be added back in.

So, in order to take on a new plan, you need to figure out what you want to achieve with you new found freedom.

The Benefit of Taking this Approach

Well, first of all, ruminating on unpleasant things is a complete waste of time. Instead, what I propose is to look at your life as if you are someone looking at it from the outside.

What you want to do is picture how you would want it to look if someone, say maybe… your ex or somebody else… who knows, were to take a look at it.

What you should do to make this work for you?

Okay, so think about how a magazine company works. If you are unaware, I’ll give you an idea.

They throw a lot of ideas out at their writers and send them out into the world to gather information.

So, they go out information gathering and gather it into something semi-presentable. Then, after that, every single one of them come back and throw what they’ve come up with onto a wall, where the editor can come in and pick and choose what she wants to include in that month’s issue.

After that, they all work together to make it into something worth publishing.

So, why in the heck am I rambling about magazine production?

Well, consider what you would would want that imaginary person from the outside to happen upon when she happens to let curiosity get the best of her and finds herself perusing your Facebook.

Wouldn’t it be much better if you took this chance to get everything “publisher ready?”

Visualize the ideal version of your life.

For me, that would mean taking that last class I need for my degree, and get the certifications I’ve been gunning for for a few years.

So, what would make your life ideal?

I can give you a few ideas so you’ll hit the ground running.

First of all, remove all of the elements of your life that cultivate negativity. That means a job you hate and all of your terrible vices… even if it’s just biting your nails.

Clean your living space. Remove anything that is junking up your space. Old receipts. Old magazines. Things you’ve been putting off, like returning or recycling your old phones. Put that stuff on Ebay that you have nothing to do with.

Basically, everything that could possibly be on your plate, get it done, do away with it, or put it on a list to work towards getting it done. You’re clearing your proverbial plate of anything that would be hanging over your head waiting for you to do it.

If you are having some difficulty dealing with emotional baggage from the relationship then I seriously suggest you talk to a professional to help you deal and clean your emotional plate to match your other plates.

Start eating healthier. If you still eat junk food, that’s fine. Just start drinking more water and eat the occasion vegetable. Exercising is a good idea as well, or at least doing something active. Be nice to your body. It’s kinda a big part of making things better, being aware of things like your help.

Learn from your past mistakes. I mean, think about it. As people, we tend to repeat our mistakes. Put a stop to it and cut mistakes short. Stop making the same mistakes over and over again.

Throw out stuff you don’t use like clothes that don’t fit anymore. Or in my case several pairs of shoes that I don’t wear… ever. You get the idea. You’re cleaning you life of clutter, and negativity. And you’re taking the bull by the horns and moving forward creating your ideal life.

Get back in touch with people that you’ve lost touch with. But only if they’re positive influences.

Find something that you take pride in and enjoy. I suppose this falls in with finding a hobby, but either way you should find something you care about. And don’t pretend to be someone you aren’t.

Bringing It Home

Don’t do this simply to shove your exes nose in it. That’s why you are supposed to cut her out of the process. Do it because it’s what’s best for you and I guarantee that your ex will take notice when she finally gets around to getting curious.

Don’t put your life on hold waiting for her to get familiar with her curiosity.

While you’re at it, just take pride in the fact that your life is better regardless of how long it takes her to give into that curiosity.

What Do You Think? (73)

JOHN

July 5, 2017

Hi, so, my ex broke up with we like a week ago, but we were already in NC for 2 weeks before that because I was on a working trip and she decided to think wether to breakup or not during it. We were very happy until the half of May, when I got some serious family problems and a LOT of work to do, which fucked up with my mind and made it hard for me to interact with her. So she said that during that month she lost her attraction and no longer think we should be together. I’m investing my free time on physical and mental improvement. The fact is, she cried a lot during the breakup, said she’ll miss me, loved me, kept talking about other things, but she broke up and said she was very upset with the great relationship we screwed up with. What should I do?

EGR Team Member: Amor

July 6, 2017

basically you just didnt talk before the break up but that’s not an nc if it was not really intentionally starting a no contact period.. because you had to talk to break up right? right now, start the count after the first day you stopped initiating and replying and be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media.

Julian

May 17, 2017

Me and my girl friend of 2 years broke up, and her reasoning was that I haven’t changed since the last time we broke up which was in January and I don’t take anything seriously. And I’m a truthful guy so I didn’t understand cause I didn’t think that I haven’t change or what not, we had our share of fights, or stupid Little fights, there was times when I wouldn’t be as romantic or do the “little things” she would say. I admitted to her there’s some things that I did wrong that I know I shouldn’t do or should’ve done. Leading up to the break up she was being standoffish and we barley talked. The day we broke up and asked her what’s going on and she just said she can’t be with someone who isn’t gonna care, and also not change at all and be the same. She said that’s the reasons that I haven’t changed, don’t take anything seriously, and right now she can’t do the relationship and she can’t be with me anymore. I’ll admit there’s things I know I could’ve done better or maybe to prevent this but it’s too late and I want her back, we’ve talked about marriage, kids, moving in with eachother next year, and the future together, literally everything. I still want that, I still wanna be with her forever. I’m just scared that maybe she is actually done with me and I can’t get her back. The other day she tweeted “she’s really happy today” and etc which I am happy cause I want her happy. Don’t get me wrong if she’s happy with out me I respect that. I just want help to make her realize that I have changed that I am that man she wants to marry still. How do I go about this.

EGR Team Member: Amor

May 22, 2017

Hi Julian,

do you want to try the no contact rule?

Ray

April 20, 2017

So me and my fiancé split.one night I woke up and just had an icky feeling.something told me to go through her phone and to my surprise found she had been seeing an ex for about a month.and not just physically but mentally as well.naturally we split, and I looked at reasons to why she done it and came up with nothing,dudes unemployed,lives at home with mom and dosent even have a car.i went to see her because I honestly forgot some things at her place.really cold and just a general angry vibe.i reached out to genuinely check on her because I do care for her.but I’m blocked via text,social media all of it.any kind of advice?i know she cared at one point and seemed really happy

EGR Team Member: Amor

April 23, 2017

When was the split? Are you going to do the no contact rule?

Tushar

April 20, 2017

Yesterday my gf brokeup with me as and that was out of nowhere. It’s 19 months that we have been together! Since january things were not good between us it was kind of on and off as sometime we were so romantic sometimes we fight! The reason was our anger and our ego! But the main reason is that she is just so short tempered and finds reason to argue ! thing is what I say and what she understands that was different! She used to make different meanings of what I say! She used to say 100 things to me and if I say one she just say I don’t respect her! Last week we find a solution things were good I told her whether she wants to be with me or not if we solve the issue she said I don’t knw and then after 2 days things were normal she usually was saying that I don’t give her time and I told her I will but as she gets so hyper I avoid talking to her sometimes! So yesterday we were talking nice since 6 days no issue between us and I asked for my answer that whether she is sure that she wants me for life! So she said no and I want to break apart. I was shocked ! I asked we what is the reason she said we used to fight a lot I told her that since we decided a solution things are good and then she started that no I don’t want to be! So exchange of words took place! And I return her gift to her today and she was smiling as if she is happy! Suddenly! So what should I do as we have exchange foul words and had a big fight . But seems she is damn happy! We have blocked eachother. So if I want her to come back as I miss her. What should I do?

EGR Team Member: Amor

April 23, 2017

How are you now tushar? Are you going to do the no contact rule?

Tushar

April 24, 2017

Yes it’s been 2 days I am on no contact! She and me we both are in same class ! Day before yesterday she was again and again coming in front of me and was smiling and was just smiling more when I was seeing her! It’s hard to see all this as she is so happy and no effect on her!

tushar

April 25, 2017

I miss her like anything it’s becoming so hard to concentrate on studies as many things are there in my studies! It’s hard

Tushar

April 27, 2017

Yesterday we had a fight as I tried to talk to her as first for so long I controlled myself but she was screaming without any reason! Just shouting! Then I told her to not to scream and after a limit I lost my control and we exchanged harsh words! I love her a lot I can’t live without her I don’t know do help me please!

EGR Team Member: Amor

April 30, 2017

Oh no, you have to avoid that because that’s the opposite of building rapport..wait a week before initiating again.

Tushar

April 30, 2017

I tried to keep calm! Bet get to know she is bitching about me to her friends. I went to talk to her again she is just screaming and fighting saying that we were together because it was our habbit. Said we will move on and made more bad remarks about me! That I have no self respect! And at that moment I did lost my control Cz I just came to discuss and she is in so bad mood. She did m her biggest mistake and she hates me blocks me everywhere. Then unblock and say bad things and then blocked for final. We had really big fight and big one. What should I do now ?

Tushar

April 30, 2017

I haven’t done no contact . Because we are in same class and have same group of friends should I do no contact?

EGR Team Member: Amor

May 1, 2017

yep you should restart no contact and be very active in improving yourself

Tushar

May 2, 2017

Yes I have started no contact! It’s our final exams time and after that holidays. M in no contact for the time being! Should I apologise for the things I said? Or for this time let it be? And only focus on no contact? Because we both had exchanged bad remarks.

EGR Team Member: Amor

May 3, 2017

just let it be for now..

TUSHAR

May 4, 2017

Thnx m on no contact now!

EGR Team Member: Amor

May 4, 2017

That’s good! You’re welcome!

TUSHAR

May 15, 2017

It’s been 15 days of no contact what my next step should be as I am blocked from everywhere by her. And I don’t wanna loose my self respect going after her but want her to comeback on her own. What’s next?

EGR Team Member: Amor

May 15, 2017

that’s too short.. complete at least 30, go for 45 if you need to.. how much are you improving yourself, how many new things have you done, how many new friends?

Tushar

May 17, 2017

Ohkie and I have started making few new friends. Now I don’t think about her all day. Getting myself involved in tv series . Working out regularly, focusing on studies, spending time with family.

EGR Team Member: Amor

May 22, 2017

that’s good! 👍

Tushar

May 23, 2017

It’s been 24 days of no contact I was doing good but today as it was our exam so after exam I saw her flirting with a guy . They both never talked to eachother and suddenly today she is having a nice talk with him. And she seemed really happy. I don’t know how to react in such situation its hard to control.

EGR Team Member: Amor

May 31, 2017

you dont because you’re right, you cant control. The best you can do is not make a scene and keep your composure.

Tushar

June 5, 2017

It’s been 35 days of no contact today I get to know she Is dating a guy! What should i do further?

EGR Team Member: Amor

June 16, 2017

just keep improving yourself

Tushar

June 9, 2017

It’s been 40 days of no contact she messaged she wants to talk regarding something. I didn’t replied!

Tushar

June 9, 2017

Few days back I got to know she is dating some guy!

EGR Team Member: Amor

June 16, 2017

that’s good that you didn’t reply

Tushar

June 16, 2017

She called my friend but my friend was not available so in anger she blocked him! Then her sister called me and told some guy was doing wrong testing some harassing text to her! And she needs my help! Then she messaged me again regarding this! I solved her problem and she was just accusing me as if I have done this! Then I solved her problem but she blocked my freind and I asked her why se said wrong things about me to few people in our class she just ignored it! And then I got angry as she was concerned about her only and as I did helped her she doesn’t even talked further! I just told her that! This is wrong! She only comes for selfish reason and if I ask something why she don’t reply! What I should do now?

Tushar

June 17, 2017

Yesterday we talked again she at starting was a bit rude then was soft and talked normally about her issue in which she needs my help we talked for 2 3 hours then she said she is busy as it was late! Now what should be my next step?

EGR Team Member: Amor

June 25, 2017

I think you need to move on.. You cant always restart nc. You have to establish you’re not at her beck and call, but if you always do every time she asks help, then nc is not going to help anymore…

Tushar

June 26, 2017

It was 50 days of no contact after which this happened. And I thought of replying her! And I am trying to move on! Thanks!

Justin hurtingbad

March 3, 2017

Hello,

My exgirflriend and I were together for about 5 years and lived together 4 of those. She tried to break up with me a three times early on. First time cause I was a horn-dog and would be too touchy feely, second time because I lied about smoking weed, and third time because of general discontent with her happyness. That was in the first 3 years.

Then we moved to WA to be closer to her family and because WA is awesome. We bought a house and were pretty much good for the first two years. This entire time she has been battling Alcholism and drinks until she passes out and throws up. In addition she has been steadily gaining wait and getting more depressed while I was in the best shape of my life from marathon training. I put up with it at first, but basically since this July I had lost attraction to her and stopped being interested in sex. Sex got down to maybe once per week. She would get drunk and come on to me and I would turn her down and she would get more depressed and drink more, it was a bad cycle. I tried to get things spicy again with trips to Hawaii and Alaska, but my attracting just wouldn’t come back. Then in October I had a big work project in Las Vegas that required me to be in Vegas on her birthday. She refused to come to Vegas with me and wouldn’t let me celebrate with her 3 days after her birthday, she was very depressed. While I was away she suggested breaking up and I said OK. She wanted me to be more present and caring and I needed her to be more fit and active so I agreed.

I was completely OK with this, maybe a little bit sad. We still lived together and I didn’t plan on moving out until March of this year when some plans of mine would come to fruition (buying an RV, Diesel truck, and living on the road).

In December I started being attracted to her again, mostly when I would return from business and miss her and we started having sex much more regularly. 4-6 times a week. In January she was starting to come out of her depression and I was seeing a way for us to get back together. Finally on January 23rd, she said she wanted to out and do something. She went and got her hair done and all dressed up (something she hadn’t done in months) and asked that I take her out. I was excited that she wanted to actually be social so we went to a local bar and had some drinks. While there she went out to the dance floor and danced with a guy that was all over her, I ignored it, didn’t bother me. But as the night went on and we got more drunk the guy was still talking to her constantly, so I asked what was going on. He said he was “going to take my girl”, that triggered me and I knocked him down to the ground and we all got kicked out. I drove home and she got a ride home an hour later, and said you gotta let me go, I said fine, sorry for the outburst.

The next morning we were both horny so we had sex like three times through the day. That night she got super drunk and said she missed me and wanted me back. I was ready to relent and take her back, but she was wasted so I decided to wait until she was sober to have that talk. The next morning I left on a week long business trip. I texted her a bit and it took a while for her to get back to me, but that wasn’t anything new. When I returned home on Friday she said she was going to a friend’s house that weekend…. She has no friends so I said uhh, what. She said it was a guy… I told her, what wait, we were just getting better, I was going to take you back. She said she was sorry I should have said something sooner and that she didn’t mean for it to happen. She left that night and didn’t come home until Sunday. I told her I was moving out and we both started crying. I asked her to not leave and not talk to the guy around me until after I left that Friday. She did that and we hung out each night, both drinking (I normally do not drink with her), I would give her massages while she was nude and we would touch each other but not have sex. That Thurdsay was my birthday.

She baked me a cake and we drank that night with a friend of mine over that was helping me move. I asked her in weakness for one last kiss before I left, she got mad and said that’s wrong we can’t do that. Later that night, after more drinks, the three of us were playing board games. My friend got up to use the bathroom, and she said “I just want to spend time with you and gave me a kiss on the lips, a sensual one and looked at the room.” We went in and she pounced on me and we did the dirty deed. She looked me in the eyes and said “I love you, but I can’t spend the rest of my life with you”. We cuddled a bit after and she fell asleep. I went out and got food for us all and woke her up. She danced with me in the house and was generally hanging all over me that night. The next morning she said that she didn’t remember having sex with me… She got sad and left the room. She helped me finish packing, both of us crying the whole time, and gave me a teary farewell. Then I know she went straight to the new guys house.

That’s been a month now. I went no contact the first week, which she broke twice, then I broke. We then texted a bit and she said she missed me. I went no contact for another week and then we talked, I asked her if she wanted to hang out when next I was in WA (I moved to Las Vegas). She said maybe. I let the conversation drop, texted her that it was a shame to lose our friendship and thank you for working on trying to be friends. She replied back, yeah I don’t want to lose my best friend.

I haven’t texted her or called her since then. Today is a week without talking to her and I think that the new guy is in her life on the daily now and she’s over me. I should add that while I was there that week I saw in her phone that “she misses that guy, and had photos of her kissing him.” He was texting her half nude photos and making sexual comments, so I know they slept together the weekend she left.

I was completely OK with being broke up, and evening leaving her this entire time. However as soon as there was a new guy I went mad, I cry every day, can’t sleep, and can’t concentrate. I’ve been on dates, but I’m too depressed to enjoy hem.

That was long drawn out story, but my question is do you think there is still a chance for us? Should I try and text her again after the 60 days and try to make a friendship work so that the door is open for relationship later? I have a goal of maintaining no contact for 60 days because I want to detox her out of my system and be OK like I used to be. I’m 7 days into no contact right (I have not told her I’m doing this) but she also has not texted me. What do you think?

EGR Team Member: Amor

Yeah, I think so. It can be a restart for the both of you. Yes, you can initiate after your nc. Just build rapport slowly after that.

Aaron

February 25, 2017

I don’t understand my ex behavior..

She broke up with me a month ago, general breakup (I was stage 5 clinger), she said she wanted to remain friends, I rejected. begged pleaded cried wrote love letter, didn’t work out, did 21 day NC and sent her a first contact text, she replied neutrally, wait a couple of days and sent her another one, replied neutrally again.

She never likes my instagram posts, no longer views my snapchat stories, before I finished NC she did view my snapchat stories

EGR Team Member: Amor

February 26, 2017

Hi Aaron,

How much did you improve during nc? And how long was the relationship? 21 days may have been short and what was the text you sent?

CMe

February 17, 2017

I have been in a relationship with a woman for about 14 months but we both had different lives and we’re seeing other people when we met… while our love blossomed and we enjoyed each other’s company (we used to work together) we no longer work together and she reports she has been feeling depressed. She is currently trying to kick out her boyfriend of 5 years. I want our friendship to blossom as well as our relationship. She contacts me less and less as I used to be a real GNAT at times but Ive calmed. Still though

EGR Team Member: Amor

February 17, 2017

Hi Cme,

so you’re not really in a relationship with her? You’re friends but you do have mutual feelings right? Right now, give her space. If she is working to break up with her bf, use this time to focus in improving yourself.

Cme

February 18, 2017

There’s a lot of background info as well… she feels guilty about my breakup with my S.O. Which happened 11months ago after we had been seeing each other. She’s also recently been working on her mental health and stated she is not good at relationships and will cheat (I was her cheat and she was my cheat) when she feels the relationship is failing… but she wants to change that. She tells me she loves me on rare occasions and begged me to be w her when we first met… I’ve been waiting for her to come around for the last 11 months but now she tells me she feels bad because I was ready and now she isn’t. She’s also dealing with some health related issues and hasn’t worked in several months.. her life is uprooted. She heard that I was w a new GF but I told her I only went ona couple dates, no sex. She said it would really hurt her but she would understand if I moved on… and said that a couple times since I’ve known her. She states she feels depressed and no longer tells me things like how she loves me or misses me, nothing she is emotionally unavailable it seems. Before the holidays I was a real GNAT and she instituted a NC 3 week period and I pretty much respected it. She just seems very distant. She has kids, I have kids and an ex wife… I don’t know if she’s attracted to me anymore or lost interest. I’ve been doing a lot for myself in making myself the best person I can be for my own mental and physical health as well. And no it’s not the typical relationship and we were never in one I guess. She was texting me heavily when she thought I had a new GF… so I don’t know what to do or think. It feels like she won’t commit to me…. I feel like I do t know what to do at this point except live my life.

EGR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2017

well then you should try nc. do at least 30 days and be very active in improving yourself and in posting in social media

Cme

March 9, 2017

Should I block her or unfriend her from Facebook as well?

EGR Team Member: Amor

March 19, 2017

nope…

Hugo

February 16, 2017

My ex girlfriend broke up with me like two months ago…..that caught me by surprise because i thought everythingwas fine between the both of us. But the day after xmas she told me that things wasn’t the same between us and that i have changed a lot and that i didn’t treat her the same….by the way i forgot to mention that she broke with me after 8years of relationship……well the things is that she asked for some time and space, so i gave her that and i didn’t contact her for like 3 weeks. However, we have class together twice a week so is inevitable for me not see her…..she looks happy and she keeps telling her closer friend which is my brother’s girlfriend that she completely forgot about me and that she doesn’t feel anything for me anymore…..she said that she only see me as a friend now…..so like two weeks ago i talked to her because she was ignoring me in class to the point that she won’t even say hi to me…..and that hurted more than anything in this world. So, when i talked to her i basically apologized to her for all the things that i did wrong when we were together and i told her that all this time that we have been apart has helped me a lot to realize the things that were wrong with me, that i was litle by little trying to change all of that…..by the way one of the things why she broke with me was because my lack of commitment and that i wasn’t focusing in the important things, ex: not saving money to get my car and she just got tired of driving me around and that i didnt even do any effort to get a car…..anyways when i apologized to her she basically told me that it was good that i was changing because that was gonna help me alot in my future if i get another girl….she told me that she doesn’t love anymore and that she just wants to be friends….but then i asked her if i can try to be with her in the future and she said that the wound was still fresh and that i just had to let it heal. Last friday she invited me and a couple of her friends to go to chevys to eat and some drinks, because saturday was her bday….so i got there like around 10:30 and i sested like three 4 chairs away from her….we didn’t talk much that night, but the next day i decided to go to her to bring her a cake for her bday, when i got there i called her to open the door a d she asked for what and i said to her just open the door please, so when she opened the door i gave her the cane and i saw in her face that she wanted to smile but tried to hold it, so i told her im sorry that i came here without telling you but since you didn’t get a cake yesterday i wanted to give you one because you always geta cake on your bday…….she said thank you and we talked for some time but it was nothing related to our relationship…..then she asked me when i was getting my car and i told her very soon and she asked how i was doing and all that….i asked her about her dad and her family you know like a friend thing…..after we spoke for a while she told me that she had to go to the mall because she had to change somethnig that she bought. She offered to drop me off by the bus stop at the mall. When we got there i said bye to her and i got off her car. When i got home she sent me a message thanking me for the cake and that that was a nice gesture from me, and i replied by saying im glad you liked it and just enjoy it, then she sent me another message saying thank you but i dont wanna sound cold hearted but please dont get your hopes up because we are just friends now, to what i replied i know don’t worry. We texted each other yesterday but it was just about school and i havent talked to her today, so please guys what do you think? Did she really forgot about? Is she playing hard to cstch? Does she wanna see some changes on me before i can try to date her again or what? I need some advice because i am madly in love with her and i know she is the one

EGR Team Member: Amor

February 17, 2017

Hi Hugo,

I think she got tired.. and she just really wants to see you change genuinely first.. And that’s not going to take just 3 weeks..

Hugo

February 17, 2017

Thank you for replying back…..so does this mean that i still have a chance to get her back? Or should i just move on and forget about her? I know you said that she just wanna see me change to a better person but then why she says that she does not love me anymore? That is the confusing part…..

EGR Team Member: Amor

February 17, 2017

If she doesn’t love you anymore, that doesn’t mean she wouldn’t wish you well and wouldn’t want better things for you… Whether you’re going to get her back or not, you have to change first. Once you have, decide from there if you still want to try with her..

Ramo

February 13, 2017

Hi, My ex and I broke up 4 months ago (we dated for 2 years). Since then I have tried No Contact, but she was not interested in talking to me after the no contact period. I went no contact once again, after that period she asked me why I disappear and magically return, but she was not ready to “forgive” me.

I had never cheated or lied to her. We broke up because we were fighting alot for the last little while of our relationship and I had accused her of cheating when she was faithful. (last contact was end of December)

I recently contacted her 2 week ago, she seemed much happier to hear from me and we spoke on the phone for half an hour. I contacted her once more a week later and again, she asked why I disappear for periods of time, I explained to her that I am trying to give space and not be a bother. She implied that she wants to hear from me more often while telling me she will not contact a guy or go begging for him back. However, she did tell me that her mom has been telling her to take me back even though I treated her wrong. that night we spoke for 2 hours before i ended the call by saying that its getting late and I needed to go to bed.

She has made no attempt what so ever to contact me since then. Today I tried calling her but she rejected my call and said she’s busy and wants to be alone this week. I explained that I’m trying to “not disappear” as she had asked for but she insisted that she wants space and “many people have been bothering her”.

I am now confused and stuck. I still love her and want to make good. She gives me clues that we may stand a chance then she pushes away and asks for space. Any feedback is appreciated. Thanks.

EGR Team Member: Amor

the more you do nc, the less it can help but since she’s the one that doesn’t want to talk to you now, give it to her and wait for her to initiate and then slowly rebuild rapport from there.

Thomas

February 11, 2017

Hey to the ex girlfriend recovery team,

My ex and I broke up in November, she told me it was due to many, many issues that she is suffering with. I accepted the breakup, accepted my faults that lead to the breakup and have forgiven myself. December was a difficult month but throughout January and February I have picked myself back up, I went on a few dates, I am working out, I have a new job coming up which I am thrilled about, working on getting my drivers license and have been booked some trips coming up throughout the year. We were together for four years, after the breakup we kept in contact from time to time, texting, going out for drinks every now and again, I followed the plan that you guys set out. We were flirting back and fourth when we met, everything was going smoothly until she asked me whether I wished to go to France with her to visit her parents but kept fixating that we would go just as friends and nothing will ever happen (sexually). I told her I would think about it, after many hours of thinking about it I decided to send her a message telling her that I was just not interested in being her friend and that I would never see her as just a friend(which is the truth). She called me that evening and she was surprised, hurt and quite angry when I needed to tell her again that I would never see her as just a friend and that I would only like to hear from her again if only it was about starting a new, fresh relationship. I have gone NC from that moment, do you believe that I have gone about this whole situation the right way? My ex has told me that she does not want a committed relationship right now and “who knows what will happen in the future”, “I just want to be alone, for now.” Is she trying to keep a hold on me for a backup plan? I deceived to walk away from it because I do not wish to be a backup plan.

EGR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2017

Hi Thomas,

yes, I think you handled it the right way.. did you mean you’re moving on?

Francis

February 10, 2017

Hey, i did the 30 days no contact (ended on february 3rd) and started talking to my ex every once in a while i asked her for any news about her family problems and told her im always there if she needs to talk about it. She gives me some 🙂 quite often but the problem is she never initiates conversation. Is it a lack of interest ?

What do you suggest ? Should i start another 30 days NC or talk to her every other days in a friendly and calm way to climb back the ladder of interest and she may realize how much ive changed ?

PS : she left me on november 20th for loss of feelings and met 4 times at the gym before friendzoning me and gave her the NC

Francis

just wanted to add that she is a really introvert person. I dont know if that means anything like keeping her feelings from me in a fear of being hurt again…

EGR Team Member: Amor

February 11, 2017

Hi Francis,

yes, it’s lack of interest, because that’s not a topic she would want to always talk about nor that it makes her want to talk to you more.. Choose topics that she always love talking about.. And continue improving youself while building rapport…

Francis

February 11, 2017

Thank you Amor, i will try my best with this tip.

a friend of mine told me that i should talk to her as friends and when the time feels right to arrange a meet up and let her know all my feelings because we had a problem with communication. that would prove to her that i’m now more open to talk and let her know my feelings but, in another sense it may make me look weak and disinterest her even more.

i just wanted to know your thoughts on that.

EGR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2017

yup.. that would push her away if she foesnt5 have feelings for you

George

February 3, 2017

Sorry for being off topic, but I am currently in the no contact period, with my ex of 4 years. We broke up because I was basically a needy, dependant B*tch, but am slowly changing my behaviours, finding an improved decisive me. Anyway I am about two weeks in and haven’t heard from her (expected) but we previously booked a holiday but unfortunately we broke up and she is still going with a family member. I would really like to text her to say “have a good trip. Have fun and stay safe.” Should/could I break the no contact rule for that? Or should I not contact her? I’m pretty confused on it… Thank you!

EGR Team Member: Amor

February 3, 2017

Hi George

nope,.dont break it.. are you actively improving yourself and in posting?

Steven

February 1, 2017

Sigh… I was just three days from 30 no contact and I passed my ex as I was driving. We looked at each other and made eye contact. We both looked surprised… What do I do? When Saturday comes, I was going to use the text “oh my gosh we passed each other today.” “No we didn’t.” “I’m sorry I guess I just think of you Everytime I pass a car like yours.”

EGR Team Member: Amor

Steven

February 3, 2017

Thanks Amor you have been very helpful and encouraging this past month and a half

EGR Team Member: Amor

February 3, 2017

you’re welcome! Thank you too!

Mike

January 31, 2017

My ex broke up with me in October. We work at the same office so if I see her in the halls I say hi. Outside of that I have gone NC. She still follows me on IG and Snapchat. She occasionally tries to send me things on IG but I learned to ignore them after she tried a breadcrumb text in December.

Last week my dad passed away and now suddenly she’s been reaching out dying she is “here for me.” She broke up with me a week after I found out my dad had cancer.

She even showed up to the wake and was crying (she never met my dad or my mom). And I thanked her for coming a couple of days later. Now she wants to catch up once I’m ready. Is she using this situation as a chance to push her “let’s be friends” agenda or is she doing this as a possible way to maybe rekindle things? I can provide more info if needed

EGR Team Member: Amor

February 1, 2017

Hi Mike,

do you want her back? because if yes, even if she just wants to be friendly, use that to build rapport and attraction..

Mike

February 3, 2017

Hi Amor,

To be honest, I am not sure. Obviously there is a lot of other things going on in my head. But if I do I also don’t want to mistakingly get into the friendzone. Even though if that were to happen, I would know how to handle that. But I made it known to her after the BU that being friends wasn’t in the cards. And I haven’t reached out to her since the BU. She has tried to get my attention a few times.

I think the fact she showed up to the wake gave me a sense of false hope. But again, my head is clouded right now to make a definite decision either way.

EGR Team Member: Amor

February 3, 2017

take your time..that’s ok..no one’s rushing you..

Jacob

January 29, 2017

Hi, me and my ex have been together on and off since about last April. We met through a mutual friend who she told she thought i was cute and so i decided to text her and ever since then we would talk romantically for a couple months then split off and just be friends then start back up again and a few times make it to the point of being official and dating. A big part of us splitting up so much was because we both had no transportation and she lived an hour away from me, which doesnt seem like alot until you have no car or liscense. Another big reason we would break up was because she was too clingy and insecure and i would just get tired of it. Well we started dating again after talking for a few weeks in early December, and everything was completely fine and we were totally happy with eachother. We talked constantly on the phone and i knew everything about her and she knew everything about me and she made changes in being clingy and overreactive this time around so there was pretty much zero fighting over that and the whole time we’d been dating this time around. Then about 3 days before she broke up with me i noticed she was short, she’d promise to call me on the phone just to talk like we usually do and never did, and i just had a gut feeling she was off and before that she was completely fine. She even wrote me a huge letter in the middle of the night while i was asleep about how perfect i was and how much she was inlove with me. Then i got a text about how she loves me so much that the distance and not being able to see eachother hurt her so much she couldnt handle it and i was the only thing that made her happy and everytime we would talk it was the only thing that made her happy and it made her sad that she still couldnt see me so she wanted to just be friends and she needed to learn how to not rely on me for 100% of her happiness. I just said ok i understand and didnt beg or anything like that. Then every morning she would text me goodmorning and after i replied with just goodmorning she’d ask questions like what am i doing and obviously tried to keep a conversation going. That continued for about 5 days, then she stopped. A couple days later we had a tornado, i texted her to see if she was fine and she replied a couple hours later with yeah i was at the movies. Then i checked her snapchat story and she posted a picture of a guy playing an arcade game at the movies she was with. I didnt know what to think since that wasnt really alot to go off, but considering she stopped texting me a couple days before and she was out with a guy (whether or not with other people as well) i kind of put them together and figured she might be talking to this guy, so i didnt respond to her and started no contact. Its been no contact for about a week now and she hasnt texted me since, in the time that has past i went out and got my liscense and am getting a car this week, and im trying to improve myself mentally and all around daily. What should i continue doing or what do you think? Is she waiting for me to text her or is she seeing someone else or what, just need some advice. Thanks

EGR Team Member: Amor

January 30, 2017

Hi Jacob,

I think she friendzoned you.. do you want to try the no contact rule?

Jacob

January 31, 2017

Like i said ive been doing it for a week now

EGR Team Member: Amor

January 31, 2017

Oh sorry1 I got confused. I think she friendzoned you and there’s a chance that she’s also in a grass is greener syndrome because of the other guy. So, check the links below. It doesn’t matter if she’s just waiting for you to text her because you’re already in the no contact period, don’t reply if she does text. The no contact period is for you to focus in improving yourself and make her miss you and regret losing you. I know it’s hard but avoid waiting for her text.Can I Prevent My Ex Girlfriend From Being With Someone Else?My Ex Girlfriend Dumped Me For Another Guy…

Jacob

February 5, 2017

She texted me a couple days after i last posted this just saying hey. I didnt respond but since it was on snapchat she saw that i read it. She texted me the next day saying you said youd be friends and wouldnt ignore me. Then the next morning she said Ok goodbye and then unfriended me. This is about 2 weeks into no contact and i guess i broke it by responding after she already unfriended me and said im not interested in being friends and being strung along, you made the decision to not be together. I hope youre happy and best of luck. She added me back to say i never strung you along and that she loved me and she wanted to be friends because she still cared about me and i said i wasnt interested in being friends right now and she got pissed and said hope youre f’ing happy and have a nice life and i said you broke up with me lol and she just unfriended me again. I know i probably broke alot of rules yesterday but how should i continue/ what did i do wrong and are my chances of getting her back alot worse or better? Thanks