Tuesday, December 23, 2014

THE ANNUAL FESTIVUS AIRING OF GRIEVANCES!!!!

First, Microsoft--for ending support for Windows XP. This means the painfully-slow, outdated computers I am forced to use here at the Radio Ranch are running even slower and nearing death. You don't see auto dealerships telling people they aren't going to repair their older cars anymore do you?

Next, Listeners who call to complain they can't order our Sweet Deal certificates every week because they don't have the internet--Folks, it's almost 2015. Even my mother who hates technology has a cellphone and a tablet computer now. Do you call Groupon to complain you can't get their deals either? What am I saying, you have no idea what Groupon is.

Then you have, Listeners who call to complain they can't use their Sweet Deal certificates the same day they order them. I will grant you, it's almost 2015 and that every other site allows you to print your own certificate for immediate use--but please refer to my first Grievance for the reason why you have to wait for our certificates in the mail. It won't kill you to pay full price for the Senior Special one night while you wait.

People who wear Mossy Oak camouflage clothing like it's normal fashion. You do realize the design is meant to fool animals with poor vision--not to impress humans who can see 20/20.

Which leads us too.....Duck Dynasty Fans--News Flash!! That is not how the Robinsons actually run their business. And that is not how they act in "real life". They are paid to behave that way for the cameras--and they do it because they have products to sell--yet some of you hail them as this "great American family".

Next, The United States Postal Service--which would rather have its customers stand in line after the self-serve postage machine at the 20th Avenue location fails to dispense all of their Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer stamps just to tell them at the counter that you need to reach deep inside the machine because "they tend to get stuck up there", instead of fixing the machine so they don't get stuck deep inside!!!! No wonder you are going broke at a record pace!!!!

In sports, Brewers General Manager Doug Melvin--who has made absolutely no off-season moves to improve or even "shake up" the team. Did last August and September actually happen? Did we all dream that the team blew a nine-game lead in the National League Central and didn't even make the playoffs as a Wild Card team? And you plan to go into next year with pretty much the same group that doesn't take pitches, move runners over with less than two outs, throw strikes in key situations and that gives teams extra outs every night with shoddy defense?

And finally, High School and College Football Coaches that run the Spread/Read Option offense--You are ruining football by producing generations of quarterbacks that can't read more than one player on defense, can't audible out of plays, have no mechanics for a seven step drop after taking a snap under center or planting their feet as they throw and don't go through a progression of reads if their first option is covered. Just look at the disaster the position of QB has become in the NFL, as coaches try to do what they can with the likes of Robert Griffin III, Colin Kaepernick, Johnny Manziel, Teddy Bridgewater and Geno Smith.

Now Festivus comes to an end with the Feats of Strength. Festivus is not over until you pin me!!