Friday, October 8, 2010

There lies a point when the debauched dalliances of our more storied Blind Vice celebs turn from sultry to sad. And it sure is getting that way, fast, for our beloved closeted movie idol, Crotch Uh-Lastic.Poor Crotch. He used to amuse us all so much, by divining these ultra-elaborate kinky sex hook-ups, totally hot and daring stuff! But no more.Now, Crotch is just plain ol' stupid:Many of Crotch's close friends, colleagues and reps are hugely worried about the handsome dude. He's starting to do dumb things. He tweaks out all night, doesn't sleep, and then stumbles his way through interviews the next day.Now, it's nothing new for Crotch to weirdly work his way through a chat with a journo—it's always been a charming side to the dimpled boy. But now all charm's been replaced by hollow eyes and listless pale skin."He's losing it," emphasizes a close confidant, adding Crotch's sexual escapades are "practically out in the open" to people in the business now. No one knows what's really going on up in Lastic's lonesome abode because he's exiling those close to him, beard included, who has stuck by him through a lot.And it's not just risk-taking hook-up scenes, which we've mentioned before. But now the not-eating, staying up all night Hollywood way of living seems to have completely, sadly, taken over Crotch's very hunky existence.Thing is it's not like Crotch is partying his talent away. You definitely won't see him out at the clubs with Leonardo DiCaprio's bromantic crew. Instead, CU-L is just isolating himself, ignoring calls for days, and appearing wackier and wackier whenever he mingles in with the real world.Uh-Lastic doesn't even bother with the beard significant other anymore. No wonder the guy's been freaking people out lately with his career. Huge waste. And It Ain't: Zac Efron,Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Cruise

This is the 4th Crotch Uh-Lastic BV... here are links for our posts on the other 3:Nov 20, 2009... Aug 8, 2008, including our complete list of who has been eliminated.... and Aug 1, 2008.

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comments:

So, I guess there's really no doubt this is James Franco..especially with Ted writing so much about him and Jake G lately and then coming out with these as his first two for the BV archives.

I do wonder what to make of his comment "No wonder the guy's been freaking people out lately with his career. Huge waste." Seems JF is more popular than ever right now. Yes, it is mostly for being a weirdo but he is also pretty consistently in movies that get good buzz. If the words "Huge Waste" were in reference to his personal life, it would make more sense to me. I guess he could be referring to people in the industry that don't want to deal with his antics?

Yep all of the crazy career moves etc. And I am glad that Ted addressed the issue of the beard. In a recent BB he had mistakenly denied he had a beard. Then we pointed out that in two of his three BVS he had a beard. People were going crazy saying it wasn't James Franco bc of the mistake. I think he pointed out the beard twice on purpose to clarify her existence.

Maybe this is a naive question, but what did you think of that interview Franco gave recently? Where he said that if he was gay he would just admit it? Is it too naive to take him at his word? I mean, it's one thing to pull an Anderson Cooper/Jodie Foster and refuse to say. It's another to actually SAY you're not gay when you are.

Did you notice that Ted had the article about James dressing in drag right above the blind vice article? I like it when he's that obvious. With regards to his career choices didn't James do a stint on one of the daily soaps which had people scratching their heads? Who is his beard? PS whatever his persuasion he's gorgeous!

This would seem to fit except that James Franco's career is hotter than ever. To what interviews has he showed up tweaked out? Everything I've read seems to gush about how intelligent and interesting he is.

Plus, I think if James were gay, he would be admit it. He seems to do exactly what he wants. I doubt his managers and agents have much control over him.

I listened to the interview and it was a little weird. He sounded kind of out of it in the beginning but seemed normal as the interview went on but then got super excited when he was talking about the soap opera. But he's kind of always like that.

I can see him being stressed with everything he does, especially studying for a PhD at two schools.

But I don't know why he wouldn't come out if he were gay. He seems to do whatever he wants, regardless if it's good for his career. It really seems like the guy couldn't care less about what people think of him. Why wouldn't he just admit he's gay?

And his "beard" (Ahna O'Reilly) doesn't seem to be using him for her career as it's been implied. She's mostly been in indie films and the only connection I can see is that she had a brief role in "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" with Judd Apatow, who has collaborated with James in the past (Freaks & Geeks, Pineapple Express. I'm sure he could have gotten her some better roles.

Another thing is that Ted talks about CUL's "Hollywood" lifestyle, meanwhile, Franco lives in NYC.

Anyway I definitely think it's him, but I wonder about Ted's sources. I'm confused why James Franco wouldn't just come out and say yeah I'm gay or yeah I'm bi, what of it?

I think I feel like a lot of people on this one: Pretty convinced it's JF but still really confused. Do closeted actors really do interviews with the The Advocate?? I suppose its to show how secure they are. I for one, kind of love how kooky JF is and I think a lot of his fan base would be very accepting if he came out. As many have said, he just seems to do whatever he wants anyway. He is definitely fighting against that hunky ingenue image that he had at first, around the time Spiderman came out. Also, it does seem weird that Ted is basically calling him a hermit when it seems like he's EVERYWHERE lately....but again, I guess doing stuff for press is different than in his personal life.

Interesting you say that about Hugh J, pikespeak. I saw Hugh, his wife and his kids, plus another have-I-seen-you-before-on-some-TV-show? Aussie actor at a cafe and I turned around discretely at one point and there was his wife Deborah-Lee Furness taking up a whole bench seat and eating like a truckie, shovelling big mouthfuls of food in her gob, smacking lips ... she seemed very rough and ready while Hugh was demure and keeping a very low profile. To me it smacked of a fake relationship but, if not, she wears the pants fo shizz.

"Dear Ted:Let's not put Oded Good-Head in the same boat as Crotch, unless my guesses about the two are very wrong. I was upset with you about Oded last week, but now I see your hard position and appreciate very much the "bonus" B.V. Good things come to those who wait I guess. You never let me down, Ted, except when it comes to Judas Jack-Off and Dashed Dingle-Dream. (But that is probably only because I am bombarded by crazy fandoms.)—CuriousGMan

Dear Blind Buds:Oded and Crotch have more in common than you'd think. More so than doing dudes on the DL, that is."

With regards to Hugh Jackman, being Australian I recall the "Corelli" tv show he and Deborah-Lee did years & years ago and you could see the chemistry even back then. Without reigniting the "is he/isn't he gay or bi" debate, either they've got the best fauxmance relationship (with the best intentions) or the rumours are wrong. Yes, he is one gorgeous-looking man!! I saw him in a musical before he was in any way famous and he totally had star quality even then - he owned the stage. Spotting my bias...? :)

"Dear Ted:Just when I thought we knew the identities of Crotch Uh-Lastic and Oded Good-Head, you told us that they have "more in common than we'd think." We have looked them up and tried putting the pieces and similarities together, but (if we have them correct) there is almost nothing the same about these guys! What gives? Are we that off in our guesses?—I still love ya even though you drive me crazy sometimes

TWITTER: Follow @theawfultruth

Dear Croded:I just had the totally bizarro image of these two hooking up. Which, actually, wouldn't be that odd for either of the guys if I think about it. But you're focusing too much on the obvious—that's what's driving you crazy. Think more free-form. Ya know, like a great song that's so bad it's good."

Sorry to derail the thread once more but I just have to tell hordac and Caz that, surprisingly, Hugh was quite gaunt when I saw him and therefore not at all what you'd imagine him to be like in the flesh - you know, big burly muscles etc. In fact, if that Hair issues blind wasn't a girl I'd throw Hugh's hat in the ring! He seems like a lovely person though, I just wish I knew what was going on with he and his wife; they're very elusive! Caz, I didn't see Corelli but I heard they had great chemistry.

Yes, Clancy, Debbie runs the show. Just how Hugh likes it. Hugh's too nice of a guy to maneuver these waters here in Hollywood. He needs sharks...like Debbie and John. John's gone now, but they'll be another one, if there isn't already.

"Dear Ted:I'm wondering which Blind Vice you would most like to be exposed? Is it someone who is nasty on a daily basis, someone who is tomcatting around or someone outing themselves?—Mell

Dear Interesting One:That's a toughie. I think someone like Toothy, Nevis or Crotch-Uh-Lastic would do wonders for the LGBT community, but deciding to come out as gay or bi is a personal decision. I wouldn't want them to do it if they weren't ready. So I guess I'd want someone's vice exposed who's just a plain ol' bad person. Maybe Cruella St. Shackles?"

"Dear Ted;I'd love for you to give your insider opinion on 2010. Which breakup were you most surprised by in 2010? Which hookup was a shocker? Were any cheaters that were exposed in 2010 a surprise to you or did you have the goods on pretty much all of them? Who were you the proudest or most disappointed of in 2010? Which B.V. did your readers come the closest to solving? Love, love, love your column. It helps me escape real life for a few minutes a day.—Annie

Dear In Order U Asked:Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal, Taylor Swift and John Mayer, David Boreanaz, James Franco and Oprah, Me-Me Dallas. You're very welcome!"

"Dear Ted:I've been thinking about the poll asking whether anyone would care about James Franco's sexual

orientation. For me, sexual orientation and the right for same sex marriage is a no-brainer—legalize

it because it's a friggin' human right, not a privilege! So, I could care less about entertainers and

who they want to date/marry/sleep with. But I do draw the line at bigotry and will boycott any actors

who dabble in such hatred (Mel Gibson...Isaiah Washington). But coming out shouldn't be career

suicide!—Holls

Dear Open Mind:Thanks, H, we need more of you in this world! But the problem is when people can't separate these

actors' personal lives from their careers. Let's just take Leonardo DiCaprio for example (because he's

actually straight as a handmade arrow). Let's pretend he were gay and came out...There goes his loyal

fan girl following. Again, pretending here, but if someone like James Franco were to come out. I think

he could totally do it. He's not a Hollywood heartthrob. He's just a friggin' good actor!""

Alright, I have become addicted to this site thanks to my hollywood friend. I am still unconvinced that Crotch-uh lastic is JF or rather that Croth-uh lastic is gay. Exhibit A: I found this story here about two people who had odd experiences with JF at NYU http://dogsareadorable.com/post/417851789this in turn leads me to believe that he likes to screw with people-it gives him a thrill-these two kids had no clue what they were getting themselves into- but they kind of asked for it. He probably got people coming up to him constantly wanting this or that from him while he just wanted an education. It led me to believe that this is where the blind items came from. Exhibit B: His former girlfriend Marla sokoloff(from whatever it takes) said he cheated on her with a female costar-she was so bitter about this she wrote a whole CD of songs about him. If she were just a beard, why would she care? Also I don't understand what beards get in return....do they get to have sex with their fake lover? I don't get how you could date the sexiest man alive(JF) and not be able to jump his bones every night.Exhibit C: A friend told me they saw him at the playboy club in las vegas a few years ago...why? sounds like another typical vagina loving hollywood playboy to me.

Jay, you have it all wrong. Go have a look at datalounge, many, many people-men-have slept with Franco. It's actually the worse kept secret in NY.

And the he likes to mess with people is just his thing, like when he said I'm not gay and I don't smoke weed. He has open,y admitted smoking weed, so if you read between the Franco lines, he is again taking the mickey-he's gay and he does smoke weed.

Also, wow, how many more gay films can he personally direct?

Anyway, after all this evidence, if you STILL want to think he is straight then all the power to you.

To the above person, beards are insane unless it's a pragmatic transition where they are also gay or they are using it to advance their careers or both.

I do think a lot of these movie gay stars also love having these women worship them and these women will take what they can from them.

You should read the mother of Hollywood stories, Jackie Collins who back in the days was doing what Ted was doing but in books and much more succinctly.

Hollywood is gay, gay and gay. Plus full of crazies.

Why would anyone want to be loved by strangers on a mass level of hsyteria??

Hmm, I have a female friend who regularly hooked up with Franco - was in one of his numerous classes. I just don't see this being him in real life - or if anything he is just bi and has been all along because he was hooking up with her on the down low, not flaunting her around.

Disclaimer

The "exposed" celebrities mentioned in this blog are purely guesses. They are the thoughts and opinions of the authors of this blog in response to reading various gossip columns. Do not take our guesses, or photos posted of our guesses, as fact or as a source of accurate information. We are doing this for entertainment purposes only.

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