Sex and the City's press tour is a vehicle for TMI, just like Carrie Bradshaw's dating column. (Life imitates art!) First Sarah Jessica Parker informed the press, "you don't want to see my topless," and then she recounted the time co-star Kristin Davis had a "very serious intestinal issue." (Wasn't Charlotte getting the shits a subplot in the first movie, too?) As SJP regaled the crowd with tales of Kristin's on-location bowel drama, Kristin cried, "I didn't want anyone to know... it was our little secret," and SJP replied, "Apparently if you're sick and have a very serious intestinal issue, you just need warm milk." That sounds like the opposite of what you'd need. Lest there be any doubt: These ladies hate each other. [E!, Us, image via Splash]

Free Heidi Montag! Husband Spencer Pratt has her locked up at home and doesn't "let her go on TV, no computers. The only thing Heidi does is read and write poetry and pray and pet puppies." Hah, that's actually kind of funny. Heidi adds that the couple has spent $400,000 on magic crystals. The Hills is just an elaborate cry for help at this point. [Us]

Celebrity Apprentice is suddenly relevant, since brain hemorrhage survivor Bret Michaels is in the final two. Obviously he has to win, but the final challenge was to make a new iced tea flavor for Snapple, and Bret's is a "cinnamon-vanilla concoction called Tropirocka," the mere description of which triggers a gag reflex. Competitor Holly Robinson Peete made a berry flavor. [NBN]

Turns out Food Network star Juan-Carlos Cruz's plot to hire hobos to assassinate his wife was actually a mutually agreed-upon murder-suicide plan, and it stemmed from his wife's inability to conceive. She was 47 years old and suicidal over her inability to procreate. Cruz pleaded not guilty last night. [TMZ, People]

Christina Aguilera's passive-aggressive war with Lady Gaga continues. Asked about the pop star she has taken to blatantly ripping off, Xtina replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the newcomer? ...she's really fun to look at." She also said she is attracted to women, but can't date one because "that time of the month" is too hard to deal with. [Out]

A freak airport accident killed two of John Travolta's dogs. The dogs were on a walk and when they were hit by airplane, which sounds like the definition of "freak accident." Even when you're at the airport, what's the chance an airplane actually hits you? [TMZ]

Sean Penn skipped the Cannes premiere of Valerie Plame biopic Fair Game, in which he plays Plame's husband, because he's preparing to testify at a Senate committee hearing on Haiti. Senate, CIA, red carpet—are they actors or superheroes? [P6]

Charlie Sheen signed a deal for two more years of Two and a Half Men. This will finance so many more months of loveless, abusive matrimony with wife Brooke Mueller. [TMZ]

Demi Moore is writing a memoir. She really insists on having the best of age and youth at the same time, doesn't she? [AP]

Performing in Egypt, an electrical fire broke out by Mariah Carey's feet. "Naturally, my emergency instincts kicked in and I put out the flames w/a towel," she tweeted. It makes sense that Mimi is good in emergencies. Nick Cannon, on the other hand, covered his eyes and screamed like a girl. [Us]

At a literary auction, Salman Rushdie was "raffling off kisses." Who would purchase such a thing? [P6]

After months of being the most pregnant woman in Hollywood, Amy Adams finally gave birth. It's a girl. [Radar]