Search terms: Insane Weebles edition

Since my last post on search terms, another crop of nutjobs has been hard at work trying to get the 411 on some deeply strange subjects. Many are Weeble-related search terms so I’m grouping them according to Category of Weirdness.

In the “It’s Weevils, Not Weebles, You Pinheads” Category:how to get rid of weebles weeble spray weeble bug killer weeble bugs in flour

So this means that people truly don’t know the difference between bugs that infest flour and/or cotton crops, and small toys that wobble but don’t fall down. I weep for humanity.

In the “Sweet Fancy Moses, What Is WRONG With You!?” Category:pictures of sleeping weebles weeble tortureweebles never spill the blood of christ weebles dying under the skin of a horse chick masturbates with weebles

Who ARE these people??? Sleeping Weebles? Weeble torture? What the fuck?? Are they aware that Weebles aren’t actually living creatures? “Weebles never spill the blood of Christ” baffles me because I’m not sure how that’s possible. I’ve been to Mass, and the eucharistic ministers were pretty good but they had hands with opposable thumbs. How would Weebles be able to manage NOT to spill the blood of Christ? Then we have Weebles dying under the skin of a horse. I’m not sure if I feel sadder for the Weebles or the horse. How do Weebles get under the skin of a horse, anyway? What sick bastard put them there, and why?

And the chick who masturbates with Weebles. Where do I begin? Obviously she’s running the risk of getting Weebles lodged in some unusual places. This is not an easy thing to explain to one’s ob/gyn. Also, for the love of all that is good and decent, I hope she doesn’t let her kids play with those particular Weebles.

If these searches continue, I’m going to establish the ASPCW (American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Weebles). Because this is just wrong.

Now for the more random search terms:

redneck elevator
I think this would be a great name for a Japanese punk band. Aside from that, I’m in favor of redneck-only elevators—this way the rest of us don’t have to be trapped with them.

if your vagina is as big as my hand
I’m curious. Does this person have really tiny hands or freakishly large, acromegaly-type hands?

good day for a regatta if i was a douche
I’ll bet plenty of douches do, in fact, enjoy regattas. I love this line because it can be adapted for use in so many situations: “It would be a good day to talk at the top of lungs on my cell phone if I was a douche,” “It would be a good day to wear Axe Body Spray if I was a douche,” and so on.

this is a law office we don’t use comic sans
I kind of like the idea of lawyers who use Comic Sans. You know they wouldn’t take themselves too seriously. They might not even really have law degrees.

america because fuck you
This should replace E pluribus unum as our official U.S. motto.

I’m still laughing at “Sweet Fancy Moses.” I’m gonna try and incorporate that into my day.
I’ve never looked at my search terms… How can, “Weebles never spill the blood of Christ” be topped? Simply, it can’t.

What a great way to start my day! Laughing out loud in Starbucks here 🙂 My favourite recent search term was “Naked girls in Victoria, BC.” They must have been deeply disappointed when they got to my blog 🙂

Hi Delicious! I don’t think I’ve had “naked” in any of the search terms yet, but it’s probably only a matter of time before someone wants to get off on seeing naked Weebles. Your blog is lovely, by the way, even without the naked girls in Victoria, BC.

No one should be mean to Weebles. You do have some funky, weird search terms, Weebs. I do like the idea of lawyers using Comic Sans and commercials geared toward it. It’d be better than the ones that tout that “tough” guy kind of law. Funny post!

I will make you a founding member of the ASPCW, Brigitte. And Comic Sans would be a nice change of pace, wouldn’t it? The commercial for those lawyers would be fun: “We’re Flotsam and Jetsam, Personal Injury Lawyers. And we’re not afraid of Comic Sans.”

A friend who works as a paramedic told me a fascinating story about a guy and an eggplant. People are strange, quite strange. They’ll say they aren’t creative, but when they’re horny, suddenly they’re extremely… um… creative. Yep, I’ve said enough.

Brilliant as always. You know it’s only a matter of time before a weeble shows up on an xray, stuck up someone’s bum because they “accidentally fell” on it. Oh, and I loved the way you snuck in the word ‘acromegaly.’ One of my favorites, actually.

ER docs must have a field day telling stories about people getting weird things shoved up their nether orifices. I like the word acromegaly too–it’s a fun word, although probably not much fun for the poor folks who have it.

I was feeling all left out because the only search term I’ve had lately is “google images of the inquisition.” And then I read about masturbating with weebles search term and felt decidedly better. And no, I was NOT the source of that search term.

Inappropriate, shoulder shaking, silent laughing going on at work this morning. Good day for a regatta if I was a douche? what in heaven’s name? That one almost put me over the edge into guffawing loud laughing. And the horse thing is very distressing as is spilling the blood of Christ. whoa. hahaha

Of course, I just got my first sex-related search term for the blog…. “Blogshow to give blow jobs.” I know I’ve never mentioned bj’s in any of my posts! Someone must have been disappointed to land on my “Blogs—how do you follow them?” post. 😀

I’m just wondering why someone would even do a search on “this is a law office we don’t use comic sans.” I mean it’s not even a question, but I’m with you. I like the idea. Might brighten up the day of some hardened criminal awaiting appeal…

At first I thought maybe it was a quote from a movie or something, but it doesn’t seem to be. It’s just weird. But it could be a nice thing to brighten the day of someone in need of legal counsel, right?

OMG, I need to figure out how to play an instrument in a punk band.
And I need to figure out how to become Japanese.
Srsly jealous of your awesome search terms. These blog posts practically write themselves. My absolute fave that I ever got (and thusly wrote a post on) was “anal stretching meme.” The person who searched for that needs to get together with the masturbating-with-weebles chicks.

See, I would have thought you’d have some EPIC search terms, speaker7, with the 50 Shades recraps and all. How is that possible?? “Weebles never spill the blood of Christ” will always puzzle me. I want to find this person and understand. Or maybe not.

Actually, I only had one or two things and they weren’t funny at all. Mind you, I noticed that about 1/2 of my posts didn’t have any tags on them. I’m slowly fixing that and hopefully that will make a difference. 🙂

What’s with the penny obsession? They’re not the most useful of coins, really. And of course they could not possibly by referring to your picture! If I thought they were, I’d track them down and bitch-smack them for you.

You’ve got to put one of those ratings things on your blog, y’know. Those things with five stars (or whatever you want to display) and I’ll click ‘5’ on this, for ‘excellent’.

I’m gonna have to log into facebook and twitter and bring more and more people here now, aren’t I? (That’s rhetorical. Curious how ‘rhetorical’ is never a search term. Logging into fb and tw isn’t rhetorical. Nor is… oh well, you’ll just have to wait and see!)

Weebles. Weevils. I had one of those on my kitchen wall the other night. A weevil, I mean. (Though it could have been a weeble, I didn’t look that closely. How does one go about getting rid of weebles, anyway? 😉 )

I’ve never actually seen a real-live weevil. I hope you only had that one, rather than a bunch of them. As for Weebles, they’re pesky little things to get rid of. You can try to push them away but they keep popping right back up! 😀

I never get that many strange search terms anymore. It’s always stuff about big goats which I have never understood. I had a teacher who hated comic sans and said he’d fail us if we ever used it. I don’t know where the hate comes from, I feel bad for the font.

I’m left with a new sense of awe in how adaptable these Weebles are. So many (frankly suprising) uses, so little time. Just to right the balance of ludicrous search terms I shall search “Weeble axe murder” everyday in the hope of finding your site.

Greetings, Nigel! I know, they’re versatile little creatures, these Weebles. I still have to do an updated photo of the Board of Directors, too. I will let you know if “Weeble axe murder” shows up in my search terms.

When I first saw “chick masturbates with weebles,” I thought it was referring to a chick that hatches out of an egg, which segued into wondering if chickens masturbate. Oh God why didn’t I just ignore the alarm clock this morning?

Firstly, what kind of sick morons are searching for these things? What goes through their heads when they search? Actually, I don’t think I want to know.
And secondly, side-splittingly funny. So funny I had to make up the word ‘splittingly’ just to describe it!

“If your vagina is as big as my hand.” There are only two reasons someone is looking for this: their wife just had a baby or they want to fist their wife. Either way, good on them for doing some research.

Totally agree about that last one needing to be America’s motto. That HAS to go in a Canadica post.

My blog is too normal. The weirdest search term that I have has something to do with “camping out Jack White store Nashville”, which just means someone is more of a stalker than I am. That one about weebles and the blog of Christ though … my oh my.

Hey Mo! I keep getting behind on comments, I’m so sorry! Yes, search terms really do make you wonder about the sanity (or lack thereof) of people, doesn’t it? Meanwhile, did Jack White ever make an appearance at a store in Nashville where people camped out to see him? Just curious. It seems like there would be easier ways of stalking him. 😉

[…] I’ve got to switch things up around here. My recent posts have been sentimental and/or introspective and frankly, I’m starting to annoy myself. It’s time to break away from all that thoughtful shit and bust out a new batch of search terms. For a refresher on the other mind-boggling search terms that bring people to my blog, please click here and here. […]