Does anyone know if one feels differently when they have made the final decision? It both seems to give me peace and scares the crap out of me at the same time. This is far different than before for me.

Does anyone know if one feels differently when they have made the final decision? It both seems to give me peace and scares the crap out of me at the same time. This is far different than before for me.

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Yes, it does give you a different kind of mind set, since you have come to your own conclusion that no matter what happens from here on out, you always will have that escape plan, so nothing affects you as deeply as what it once did. Even so, coming from one who has been at the very edge of death and life, no matter what kind of peace you anything you try will do you, right up until the last nanosecond, it will continue to scare the hell out of you (for the unknown of what you will face, for the action, whatever it is) and will either be the final driving force to follow through or turn away. As with me, I hope that it will be the latter for you as well.

The thing with feeling like your close to doing it - it gives you peace because you feel like there is an end near - and the pain will stop. This is common for suicidal folks - it can be the one thing that gives them any pleasure - but yes, it is scary too because it's final. There's no turning back. I hope you'll realize a lot of us are suffering. You're not alone - I hope you'll hang on. Keep on posting - it's good to see you responding to everyone.

That is the best way TJ - one hour at a time. I had to do that too, 15 years ago after my attempt. One hour at a time means that you are giving yourself another 60 minutes at another chance. Honey, jonsmith is right hun. And from that position you will not be able to give yourself another chance.

NOTHING is worth the hope that it won't be like that. NOTHING is worth banking on the assumption that killing yourself will make the pain stop.
I beg you to reconsider and reach out to a doctor, family, Samaritans, anyone who can help put a plan for survival together for you - we will all be here for you to help as much as it's possible for us honey, you have friends here to offload to

I'm hanging in there, at least for now. Just thought I should give an update. This whole thought process is completely new to me, I have never seriously considered suicide before, beyond a brief passing thought. This much, much different.

This is awesome to hear that John, I do understand it's the thinking that we need support with when we are suicidal. I'm approaching my 'anniversary' in a few days' time - and, all I can say is that however feeble you might consider your 'hanging in' (it isn't feeble in the slightest) - you are doing the very best thing, although I know how difficult it is to see it. It is hard when our thoughts seem to have penned us into a position, but the bottom line is that in essence they are still only thoughts, and thoughts can be replaced with other thoughts.

It's the engine to do the job which is discoverable. I do understand hun - it all seems beyond our capability.... but we start with telling ourself the truth that it is possible to replace our thoughts without harm. Sending you all the best warm and strong thoughts for light and power and strength to be yours

Just a suggestion to start with - deliberately telling yourself that it is possible to replace our thoughts without harm - if you practice this, as you are able, for an indefinite time-span, still taking one hour at a time, this will be the seed-bed from which other truth will come, I promise you

Another night gotten thru. They are the worst. Today I stay alive for Leo, my beautiful french bulldog. I can't put into words how much the little guy does to help me thru the hard minutes. If only people could learn to love as unconditionally as he does.

Another night gotten thru. They are the worst. Today I stay alive for Leo, my beautiful french bulldog. I can't put into words how much the little guy does to help me thru the hard minutes. If only people could learn to love as unconditionally as he does.

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Yeah, animals are great. I love animals and my pets have kept me alive at times. Dogs are great pets especially when you're depressed. Take him to the dog park, that always gives me a lift - in fact even before I had dogs I'd go to the dog park sometimes because it was uplifting.