Why Do Some Gay Men Hate Women?

Writer Ryan O’Connell asks What’s the Deal with Misogynistic Gay Men? over here at Thought Catalog. And he’s not even talking about the gay men who overtly don’t like women (don’t want to work with them, socialize with them, etc.). O’Connell is talking about gay men who like to be surrounded by women. Here’s an excerpt:

I don’t understand gay men who hate women. Most of them aren’t even aware of their hatred, which makes it difficult to acknowledge and discuss the misogyny. They actually believe that they adore them. “OMG, can’t go anywhere without my girls! What would I do without them!” But, in reality, they’re used as punching bags. They tease them mercilessly and cut down their appearance while the friend just sits back and laughs, clearly uncomfortable by the insults but used to the unhealthy dynamic by now. * * *

What frustrates me is how socially acceptable it is for gay men to treat women like crap. People assume that just because you don’t want to get into a woman’s pants, you’re inherently a feminist. But, what do you know, that’s not true. There are a myriad of ways to disrespect women that don’t involve ploys to get them into bed. Calling them bitches and whores as a “joke” is one of them. (Seriously, hearing a drunk gay man scream and shout to their girlfriend, “You’re such a filthy whore!” is like nails on a chalkboard to me. I just can’t.)

This a topic that I haven’t seen much written about, and isn’t discussed all that openly, at least among my feminist friends and colleagues. Is feminist silence motivated by a misplaced sense of solidarity? Or are women not too eager to throw stones? After all, women — even feminist women — aren’t immune from woman-hating. But then again, misogyny is easer to spot in others than in ourselves.