Ladies it feels like such a slippery slope for some of us: Trust the man, surrender your body and let the walls around your heart fall. Sounds like gibberish or fantasy at best. I know it did for me. But then I discovered that it wasn’t gibberish or fantasy but an honest to goodness way to be in a loving relationship with a man.

I asked myself two life to change questions:

What would life be like if we allowed myself to trust a man without comparing him to the last person who hurt me or being influenced by my childhood wounds? Is it possible for me to love, without reservation, even after a devastating heartbreak?

What I discovered was that by changing the way I showed up in my relationships not only increased my sexual magnetism between men and but the man in my life began to crave me more!

Before I share how I was able to alchemize unhealthy behaviors into those that are more harmonious and in tune with my natural essence, I want to give you some insight into the feminine and masculine energies.

For starters, it’s important to note that every living entity maintains both masculine and feminine energy. This has nothing to with your anatomical parts.

Masculine energy is synonymous with linear-logical left-brained thinking. It’s active, forward-moving, goal-oriented, aggressive, determined, penetrating, singular and competitive. Focused more on mental aspects, masculine energy is often time depicted as the ego and in Yin-Yang philosophy, represents the white Yang symbol.

Feminine energy, on the other hand, is playful, sensual, and sultry. It’s associated with instinctive wisdom, intuition allows for flow, is synonymous with growth and fluidity. It is creative, emotional and passionate with a strong ability to multitask. Feminine energy represents everything that changes and is the force of life itself - that is why we refer to the Earth as “she” or “Ma-Go” - Oldest Mother and nature as “Mother Nature”.

Now think about it, women are overworked, overstressed, and always on the go, go, go. We’re constantly trying to problem solve and stay competitive at work or keep up with the kids. Our workspaces don’t embrace emotionality and you’re probably going to keep the sultriness to a minimum if you want to keep your job. In time, we are rewired to become stoic, competitive, and downright rigid.

So, if we’re spending the majority of our time operating from our masculine, when do we make time to put on the sweet, seductive, glowing cloak of the feminine? It’s hard for most of us to make that switch and before you know it, you’re wondering why your man is more interested in jerking off to porn in the bathroom than getting it on with you in the bedroom.

What you may not realize is that it is your gift to your man when you share your radiant energy with him. Most men will only be able to truly experience the feminine through his women so if you’re showing up wearing your "bossy pants" or thinking caps all of the time you’re likely repelling our partner instead of creating more sexual polarity.

Here are two of the five steps I took to stop repelling my partner and instead get him to crave me more:

1. Fall in Love with Yourself

You can begin by using Inner-intimacy Rituals of pleasure, joy. sacred dance, love, and embodiment to forgive yourself and start loving yourself down to the core.

Make self-care and self-love a non-negotiable for you. Inner intimacy is about creating a deep love relationship and connection to yourself.

Next, look for ways to open and move your body in the sacred and seductive way. Encoded in your walk is a signature of your masculine energy. Bring some awareness to how you can bring more flow, light, and sultriness to it.

Try shaking the rigidity out of your cell membranes and muscle tissue with wild, sexy dancing. Thinking (masculine) about changing your behavior isn’t enough. You actually have to move (feminine) somatically to help create lasting change.

I found that putting on my favorite music and dancing in the most seductive way possible, you know, hip circles, pelvic thrusting, howling and clamoring like a sex kitten on the floor - really got my juices flowing. If you’d like a cherry on top, invite some friends over to join you in this sensual exploration of sensuality. But I want to warn you, the sexual energy rises quickly so don’t be surprised if you find yourself wanting to make out with your gal pals. I’m just saying…

Finally, make yourself a priority. Make sure that you are spending time with your girlfriends and doing things that fulfill you. Learn a skill that’s always interested you, take a pole dancing or belly dancing class. Your man will crave you more because he will see that you are busy doing your own things and will wonder what you’re up to and when he’s going to see you next. The important thing is to do things you love and that bring you pleasure not that just fill up your calendar pointlessly. This step will help you to maintain your radiance and stay in tune with your own erotic magnetism.

Your capacity for dropping into your body is enriched the more frequently you practice these Inner Intimacy rituals!

2. Show up in your body, not in your head.

Resist the need to problem solve and try to figure everything out.

Let the men solve the problems. They actually WANT to solve problems. Isn’t that incredible? They are chompin’ at the bit to take the lead and be the protector in the relationship. But many times, women show up wrapped in armor thicker than uranium and continue to confuse the hell out of men. Yes, men know we’re independent and capable of doing things on our own but you don’t have to present that like a plaque of honor.

Remember, you’re the pathway to the feminine - it’s through you that he can feel and sense the fundamental essence of Shakti. So show up and be ready to play, be sultry, sensual and remain in your divine sovereignty.

When you are willing to show up in your feminine energy, you can celebrate and enjoy the differences between the feminine and masculine. You will enjoy more juicy sex, heightened level of attraction, and deeper connection with your partner.

By staying connected to your heart and your body, you show your partner how deeply you want his love. When you can surrender and be soft, the sexual polarity between the two of you will increase and he will draw nearer.

Now let me be clear, surrendering to a man does not mean being needy. Nor does it mean being a damsel in distress. No woman should never ever be too needy. Both of these are the exact opposite of owning yourself and standing in your feminine power. If you take a deeper look, you may find that being too needy may be covering a sex wound or abandonment issue that you haven’t been willing to do the work around.

Surrendering also does not mean being a pushover and putting up with his bullshit.

You can be loving and generous without being a doormat. They key is to stay in your power when you have to call your guy out on whatever bull he’s serving up and not act from your wound.

The point of cultivating inner intimacy and showing up in your body is so that you learn how to navigate between the masculine and the feminine as needed based on the domains of your life. When you begin to master this in your romantic relationships, you will learn to flow with such eroticism that your partner won’t be able to resist.