pretending

I come off as a strong person, but I don’t usually feel that way.
I have heard this echoed by other so-called “strong” people.
I have also heard that if you never ask for anything you never receive anything.
I sometimes think those who seem to have it all together may suffer the most.
They can be bleeding inside, but who notices it?
They cry all night into their pillows, but in the morning they go on pretending everything is fine.
I don’t have an easy time of showing my vulnerable side, I have trust issues due to childhood trauma.
I don’t have and easy time asking for a shoulder to lean on, because so many times, those who were suppose to be there for me weren’t.
I hope this isn’t taken wrong but many of us have experienced a world where most people just don’t give a damn or they just want something from you.
It is hard to open up and say I need a shoulder, too.
But, sometimes I do.
I tend to keep my troubles to myself, but I feel such empathy for others.
I want to help, but am reluctant to take help.
I know that needs to change, just not sure how.