I think I should stop BF for my mental health.

I was diagnosed a couple years ago with moderate major depressive disorder and severe general anxiety disorder. I was initially on medication for several months, but weaned myself when I knew we were going to TTC (trying to conceive) soon. I also have not been in therapy since around that time. So I have been untreated for probably a year and a half now, and with PPD (postpartum depression) and PPA on top of it, I’m really suffering.

I have avoided going to the doctor for it because I know that I should get back on meds, and after some research, I couldn’t continue breastfeeding knowing that my baby gets even a little bit of it passed to him. It feels so selfish to stop to take care of myself. I know that he needs a healthy mother, but it feels like such a waste because I have a good supply and he’s a total boob monster.

I’m so embarrassed to call my doctor, though. My husband is super supportive and says that he will be with me no matter what I decide, but I haven’t been completely honest with him about how badly I feel. The first couple months, I was extremely depressed with all the cluster feeding, and I just needed to get off the couch. Now, he goes longer between feedings and I’ve been feeling a little better at times, but he’s so clingy that I’ve probably only been able to pump a dozen times and my inlaws used the last of my stash the last time they babysat a few weeks ago. I have no problem breastfeeding in public, but it’s impossible to go anywhere without him for more than a couple hours.

The biggest reason that I know that I need treatment, though, is because I focus so much on baby that I can’t take care of myself. I literally do not have the energy or the motivation to do it. I’ve only been showering when my husband tells me to and I’ve brushed my teeth twice in the past two weeks. And no, it’s not a simple matter of “put the baby down and do it.” I literally have no energy.

I grew up with a parent with poorly treated mental illnesses who constantly went off his medication, and I do not want my son to go through that too. I know that getting help and getting him on formula is best in the long run, but I can’t help feeling like a failure. Please tell me that that’s what he needs.

Comments (38)

You’re not being selfish. Taking care of yourself is the best thing you can do for your family. Your son will benefit more from a mom that is healthy than anything else. I’m sure your husband sees that you’re struggling, talk to him. Hopefully he can help you get the help you need. The first step is the hardest.

If you are a failure for formula feeding than so am I, along with many many other women on here and in the world (and I don’t feel like a failure). There is a plethora of reasons why women ff and I’d say yours is a damn good one. If anything I think you’re being brave and curageous to ask for help and realizing that getting help is actually better for him. He. Will. Be. Fine. As long as you are! Hugs!! Depression/anxiety is a biatch.

If you are a failure for formula feeding than so am I, along with many many o...

Posted
03/10/2018

If you are a failure for formula feeding than so am I, along with many many other women on here and in the world (and I don’t feel like a failure). There is a plethora of reasons why women ff and I’d say yours is a damn good one. If anything I think you’re being brave and curageous to ask for help and realizing that getting help is actually better for him. He. Will. Be. Fine. As long as you are! Hugs!! Depression/anxiety is a biatch.

I second all of this!

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You’re not being selfish. Taking care of yourself is the best thing you can...

Posted
03/10/2018

You’re not being selfish. Taking care of yourself is the best thing you can do for your family. Your son will benefit more from a mom that is healthy than anything else. I’m sure your husband sees that you’re struggling, talk to him. Hopefully he can help you get the help you need. The first step is the hardest.

Yes, he definitely sees it. He said that he’ll take if work to come with me to my appointment, which is such a relief. When I started therapy a few years ago, he had to drive me there because I knew that if I took myself, I would just keep driving past the building and never look back.

Formula is an option and now a days a good option. They have come so far in making formula as close to mothers milk as possible. Maybe, start by weaning him onto formula and pumping the rest. This may extend his bm intake for a small bit while you start therapy. You may not need to jump back on meds immediately. With lots of support and a little bit of positive thinking you could get your situation straightened out. You are already making a huge leap in reaching out and voicing that you need help. Mothers who formula feed are feeding their babies! And more than that you are so brave to have tried to breastfeed and sacrificing all that you have to give that beautiful baby the best you can. I think as pp said, it's time to tell your husband how you really feel and work out a plan with him. Hugs!

If you are a failure for formula feeding than so am I, along with many many o...

Posted
03/10/2018

If you are a failure for formula feeding than so am I, along with many many other women on here and in the world (and I don’t feel like a failure). There is a plethora of reasons why women ff and I’d say yours is a damn good one. If anything I think you’re being brave and curageous to ask for help and realizing that getting help is actually better for him. He. Will. Be. Fine. As long as you are! Hugs!! Depression/anxiety is a biatch.

Thank you so much for this. I’ve been crying this morning just cuddling him and trying to enjoy our last few times breastfeeding, and now I’m crying even harder after reading that lol I want to be totally present and give him a great childhood, but I don’t think that I can do that unmedicated.

Good self care will allow you to be a good momma! You already are a good momma by considering your LO’s needs so thoughtfully! But he needs you healthy & 💪 strong! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with feeding your baby formula & you’re still bonding with your child when you feed him in general! Don’t be embarrassed to call your doctor, they’ve heard it all & they’re there to help you! Listen to your husband, he seems to be supportive & know what’s up.

I completely understand where you are coming from, I was the same way with my first our DS (dear son) I had sereve anxiety and had to go on medication before he was born and I couldn’t bf on it and I made the decision not to because I want to be healthy and able to take care of him then I ended up with PPD (postpartum depression) and PPA so I had to go on and antidepressants. Now with LO (little one) it the same way we FF (formula feeding or forward facing) cause I’m still on the same medication at first I was shame of it now I’m proud cause I’m making to right decision to be a full time mom you have to take care of yourself, baby can since when you anxious. Best of luck!! If you need someone to talk to you can always message me

You’re not being selfish. Taking care of yourself is the best thing you can...

Posted
03/10/2018

You’re not being selfish. Taking care of yourself is the best thing you can do for your family. Your son will benefit more from a mom that is healthy than anything else. I’m sure your husband sees that you’re struggling, talk to him. Hopefully he can help you get the help you need. The first step is the hardest.

All of this. A formula fed baby with a happy, healthy, well-adjusted mom is a million times better off than a breastfed baby with a mom who is so anxious, depressed, and miserable she can barely function. I know it’s hard to not feel guilty, but it is absolutely okay to take care of yourself first so you can be the best mom you can be. You are not a failure. You’re doing this for your son, even though it hurts you, which makes you an amazing mom.

Yes, he definitely sees it. He said that he’ll take if work to come with me...

Posted
03/10/2018

Yes, he definitely sees it. He said that he’ll take if work to come with me to my appointment, which is such a relief. When I started therapy a few years ago, he had to drive me there because I knew that if I took myself, I would just keep driving past the building and never look back.

I’m so glad that you have a supportive husband. Accept the offer! I was struggling after LO (little one) was born and had to start medication. It made such a huge difference! Now I have energy and I’m excited about the day ahead. There are so many other ways to bond with your baby. He will only be little for such a short time and you don’t want to miss out on all the joy you could be experiencing.

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