About ChristieM

Welcome to “Parenting That Heals”!
This is my new website, designed to help adoptive parents, or parents from children who have suffered from trauma, to navigate through family life and help their children and families to heal.
I pray that this site will be a blessing and encouragement to you.
It comes from my heart and is based upon our own family’s personal experiences.
I pray that this site will bring Honor to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
Our adoption journey began when we met a little girl in Foster Care.
She asked us to be her parents. The short version is… we applied and several months later, she was in our home!
A little over a year later, we were happily minding our own business, when an email came about a little girl from Ukraine. The agency that had assisted in bringing her over was trying to find a home for her, as the adoption was being disrupted. She was 6 weeks shy of her 6th birthday.
We noticed our social worker’s name on that email, and contacted her. She said, “I already had you in mind!”
And less than 1 week later, and a lot of fast and furious paperwork, our second sweetie came to us.
About 6 weeks after she came home, she started to talk about her best friend who was left behind in the orphanage. About 11 months after our second sweetie came home, we brought her best friend home from Ukraine.
And then, we enjoyed our journey.
Almost 5 years later, we received a phone call. There was another disruption, and our social worker wondered if we knew anybody, or if we might be interested.
This also was a disruption and the agency was trying to help find a home.
After much discussion and prayer in our family, we said yes.
I had to fly to NC and stay for 2 weeks so proper paperwork could go through between states, and adoption paperwork begun.
That was 2 1/2 years ago.
So, our sweeties are now 15, 14, 14 and 13.
We have learned so much about ourselves, trauma, adoption, how the brain is effected because of trauma, alcohol exposure, and disrupted relationship patterns.
There is hope and healing! And our children are precious! We want them to know their preciousness.
And our journey continues…… :)

I have written about BCLC several times because of the misconceptions out there regarding how one parents using the BCLC paradigm. Recently there have been some questions I have been asked, so I wanted to clarify….. What BCLC is NOT: March 2012 1. A kid led fun fest 2. A guide for Wimpy Parent excuses 3. A style of parenting… (more…)

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BCLC Creativity 🙂 A little girl who shall remain Unnamed gave me permission to write this. 🙂 Over the last few days, I had noticed our sweet little Noelle’s (all our girl’s middle names are Noelle which means God’s Gift) behavior taking an unpleasant shift. She was being grouchy, only thinking of herself and not others, and just had a… (more…)

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Written in May 2012. Somebody asked, “How long do you have to do BCLC, before you can parent “Normally”? That is a VERY good question! I think what this person is asking is, “When can I show displeasure or anger at my child’s behavior as I have done with my biological children and not have a back lash effect?” I… (more…)

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Written in 2013. Imagine yourself moving to a new country where NOBODY speaks your native language. Television is in another language. You stare at the news commentator and hear all these foreign sounds coming out, and you do not understand ONE THING he is saying! You turn on a cartoon to relax and the very same thing happens. You turn… (more…)

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Well, after 14 days in NC at a hotel, with a pool, we flew home. Sweetie had been the perfect guest and was excited to meet her new family. We had many talks during that 2 week period and she began to open up just a little bit about what had happened to her in her short life. I was… (more…)

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Seven Years ago today, I left on an airplane to NC to get Sweetie 4. She was 11 years old, and her life was 11/11ths of total and complete chaos. 🙁 Because we had to leave so suddenly, Mike stayed home with the other girls and I set out on a treck that changed our lives and her life forever.… (more…)

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Oh My!!! A LOT has transpired in seven short years! Seven years ago today, we got a call saying, “Remember that little girl we told you about in October? Are you still interested? If so, you need to be in NC tomorrow!” And with that, our prayers were answered, and our lives were changed…. as was the life of our… (more…)

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For those who are married, Take TIME for your marriages! They are the foundation to connected parenting within your home! When Michael and I were in the thick of working with Sweetie 4, before we understood that she had BPD… she would do her very best to divide us. All I can say is, even in good marriages, if there… (more…)

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I was reminded recently through a conversation that lying can be a perplexing and stressful part of raising our children. Many of our children, though they may even be teens and tweens, are behind developmentally, and lying is a part of what they do, by habit. Lying for absolutely NO reason, is not uncommon. If you are experiencing this, do… (more…)

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When Trauma Invades written August 30, 2011 My fellow bloggy world friend Annie posted on this topic last week. I wanted to share more of our own experiences regarding how Trauma invades in interpretation of events. Part of this comes from my own life experiences, and the rest from what we have observed with the girls. When I was a… (more…)

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This has been on my heart for several days and I have a little time before bedtime to share…… Imagine if you were 10, or 12, or 15 or 16, and you were in an orphanage in America. You didn’t really understand what a “family” was, but you had heard ALL about it. You wanted one. Everybody wants a mom… (more…)

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What does CONNECTED parenting looks like, when SAFETY is a HUGE problem. First, we need to make sure that WE are not escalating situations by having expectations that are not realistic, (straight A’s, participating in things that overwhelm, expecting gratefulness, keeping rooms perfectly clean, etc) and not shaming or consequencing our children to death with burdens too much for them… (more…)

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I cannot believe how quickly time has gone since my last update. But I wanted to let you know where we are today in this journey. We officially have another adult in the house! Sweetie 2 turned 18 recently, graduated from high school, received a scholarship for college and took a trip with me and several friends to Galveston Island!… (more…)

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This morning I headed out to do the weekly shopping. I had been doing it on a different day for quite some time, but as last weeks events took place I was unable to go on the day I typically had been going. When the girls were younger, every Friday was filled with activity including soccer, library, lunch and grocery… (more…)

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Rejection hurts. But you know what? Isn’t that how our kids feel? Isn’t that how they got to be with us in the first place? For an adoption to take place, there has to be a rejection, right? For some kids, they are able to heal, and we have experienced and been a part of that process for many years.… (more…)

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Sweetie 3 has been in the dorms for a month now. Oh how I miss her! The GOOD news is, she is just 30 minutes away. How convenient! Sweetie 2 and I are having lunch with her tomorrow at her dorm apartment. We did last week too, and I think I feel a tradition coming on! 🙂 We text back… (more…)

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FIXED I tried to change my background and it cut out comments. I could not figure out how to get them back, and I tried everything! So we are back to normal. I’ll try something new more carefully next time! LOL In the process I found a few cool things to add to my side bar. 🙂 There is a… (more…)

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What does connection look like after your children have not left well? In today’s society it is so much easier than it would have been a long time ago. Remaining connected to our children who are outside of our home is vital. Obviously, there must be a connected relationship already established. I am so thankful that over the years, our… (more…)

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We were doing really well. WERE. FAS wreaks havoc on families. It is a demon that sometimes cannot be controlled… For some children it effects their bodies, or facial images, for others it has permanent lasting impact on the reasoning in their brain. We have that impact. Sweetie 4 had decided at 17, her birthday, she would run away from… (more…)

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How many times do we go to bed saddened by the events of the day, feeling as though we have not connected? I remember reading a very old book on parenting written in the late 1800’s. One of the things that I picked up from this book (which was not written for traumatized children) was that this man understood that… (more…)

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When Sweetie got her job at the pizza place we told her that she might have a hard time with impatient customers, mistakes made and a boss who yells. Her bosses culture is different from us, and yelling is a first resort. :/ She has done well working since before she got out; while on furlough. But last week, there… (more…)

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It has been two full weeks since Sweetie 4 came home. Two wonderful weeks! She is doing so well. We are so proud of her! And we are proud of us too. 🙂 We have had many talks, shopping trips, a “Girls out to get Starbucks” on Thanksgiving night, where we all sat outside because they were closed and laughed… (more…)

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I tell myself this all the time, and yet on Monday, I was sprinting. For the last couple of days, contemplating Monday has been on my heart. Why did I get so upset? Why did it bother me SOOO MUCH? I actually expected a lot of what happened and I was shocked with myself on how deeply I was personally… (more…)

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Sweetie 4 has been home since Friday. The weekend was like another Furlough. She knew what to expect as we continued doing the same things and she had the same schedule. Then came Monday. It was all new to her. She has been away over a year and the dynamics of family life have changed now that 2 of the… (more…)

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Tomorrow, just one more day, and Sweetie 4 will walk out the doors of the detention center into a new life. But it won’t be a new life with a different family. It will a different life with THIS family. HER family. I cannot express how closely we felt the despair of the possibility that she would not return home.… (more…)

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Tonight was our last official counseling session at the detention center. We sat and talked in a relaxed fashion and Sweetie 4 presented her safety plan, including things that make her feel safe and things that make her feel insecure. She presented safe people she can call, and ideas for coping skills. She also talked with us and her counselor… (more…)

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This is our very last furlough. Tomorrow she goes back at 6:30. And then, Tuesday we have our last session in the detention center. On Friday she walks out a free girl! We are almost at the finish line. And then, A new Beginning!