Living in a test tube

I could not for the life of me understand why people in our Bharat (of all places!) were planning test-tube babies. You'd think we had plenty of normal ones lying around waiting for a home.

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Romesh Thapar

December 9, 2014

ISSUE DATE: January 15, 1979

UPDATED: December 19, 2014 15:20 IST

I could not for the life of me understand why people in our Bharat (of all places!) were planning test-tube babies. You'd think we had plenty of normal ones lying around waiting for a home. But before I could get worked up on this theme, I was fascinated by the sonorous tones of the medical inquiry into the authenticity of the Calcutta test-tube baby which was making the headlines round the world. Just imagine it. Traumatized Calcutta, washed by flood and deluge, picking its priority-a test-tube baby and its authenticity.

In a city which has forgotten the work ethic, or treats it as a bad dream, a bunch of doctors start an overtime investigation to discover whether some colleagues, using unorthodox methods and systems, really went through all the complicated phases of producing what is described as a test-tube baby. And sure enough, they came through with the opinion that these claims were not backed by data, and were false.

Naturally, everyone will believe the investigating doctors. How dare anyone attempt something out of the ordinary-and in Calcutta of all god-forsaken places. In any case, the bounders who lay claim to achievements must be pulled down. And that's about the easiest job these days. Credibility is at its lowest. Don't say truth alone triumphs. Not here.

This baby business, and the experiments associated with it, whoever publicized the idea that deshi research and practice, can be subjected to cold-blooded, water-tight, exhaustive "data" investigation. Traditionally, currently- in fact, under any conditions! -we are the natural enemies of scrutiny. The investigating Calcutta doctors should be experts in this area by now. Obviously, something has been missed in their total education-you know, they didn't enjoy "the plus two", only "the ten" and "the three".

All deshi research, before and after 10+2 + 3, has survived because of its incredible capacity to cut corners, take shortcuts and to cut through whatever the challenge. It's cut and cut and cut all the time. There's the financial skid-and the mental. But the real motivation is what we call self-reliance. It does all manner of things to all kinds of people.

The Crux: Enter any laboratory and you can have a visual demonstration of how chaos yields results. Don't ask about investment and return. That's an alien way of looking at our land. Just remember that productivity remains marginally better than before. That is what matters.

And so it is everywhere. The power stations which startle visiting engineers from abroad. The steel plants which daily surmount a mountain of problems to keep productive. Heavy engineering semi-paralysed from the start. The chemical and fertilizer complexes wondering when their confusions will tie them up in knots. The coal mines and pits, upon which so much depends, looking as if a war had ravaged them. The docks. The banks. Insurance. The whole shooting match.

Marginally better than before. That's the secret. Of course, at some points deshi productivity takes a beating-or so it seems. Cars, for example. The raw material for taxis. These rattle-traps, where everything makes a noise except the horn, have been penetrated right through with our famed, self-reliant thrusts. If you were to investigate the research and development (R&D for the specialists!), you would learn that it is unique. It concentrates on purging the engine and the body of every nut, screw, bolt, part, gadget and fixture with the objective of removing the maximum quantity even as the price keeps rising. Not only is this good business in a brutally captive market, but it lays the foundations of an alternative (read: appropriate!) technology in a modern product. Very soon, we'll take out the petrol system. If steam doesn't pull, bullocks will-and they are surplus.

It's really impressive how words like "alternative" and "appropriate" have become inter-changeable in the matrix of mixed up Bharati thinking which now surrounds research and development. Why shouldn't a people in growth live in various decades. We've done that all the time. How many centuries are telescoped into the one in which we happen to be living? What does it matter if a few more are added by our original approach to modernization? We are at home in any century. It's a by-product of a transmigratory society united over the centuries by its very individualistic questing.

Now, back to those Calcutta doctors trying their damnest to fix the test-tube specialists as hoaxsters. Mama and Papa of the baby don't think so. They will not even permit publicity around the event. What could have egged them on if the whole business was a lie? No one asks these questions. Data is demanded. Does it matter with deshi research burgeoning? Be thankful it all happened in a test-tube.

Unadulterated: I'm reminded of the enthusiastic rural worker who recently set up a gobar gas plant to serve his entire village. It was a fantastic success. More and more gas was demanded. So... our undaunted dehati technocrat, in the manner of big business, attempted to meet the growing demand by swelling the gobar supply with human waste or shit. This was too much. Gobar is pure. Shit is pollution. You cannot mix the two.

A panchayati committee, in the style of our Calcutta doctors, put the village worker in his place. In future, he would have to provide evidence that all the gobar was gobar. Now, the enlightened are busy explaining that shit is shit. Does this mean that shit is pure? Could be, what with urine therapy clothed in political eminence. Anything is possible in a self-reliant culture. Only the Calcutta doctors are living in a test-tube.

And so we move slowly from achievement to achievement-despite the guerilla attacks of specialist committees and commissions and inquiries and investigations which are eaten up with envy and don't understand deshi research and development. They are pulverized by accountability in an unaccountable situation. They are striking at publicity when no one really cares. They are dying of envy when achievement is the least of our concerns.

Let's wind up this strange infrastructure and put it in a test-tube. In other words, set the innovators free. The Bharat they could build might just make the status of a global archive of what was-and is. Call it: Living in a test-tube. That, at least, would ensure some kind of relevance in the New Year don't you think?

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