That’s how we wrap

Feeling a gap in your hard news knowledge? Wish you could command the room with sharper insights into los grande issues? Feel and wish no more — merely read on.

Chihuahua Gets Blessed at Annual Pet Mass in Brazil. La never promised intifada insights here at the virtual palazzo. Nor coverage of issues that would have Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein scratching their pates. What strikes La about this photo is how strangely naked this pupster looks in an ecclesiastical setting. And it did happen this week, so it does offically qualify to join la weekly wrap. Justification for funny photo over.

Justin Beiber Listens to Own Music, Loses Lunch. Oh Justin, you expect us to beliebe it was down to too much milk? Male JCC was hugely distressed by the news of The Beaver’s illness. Seriousimo didn’t help the situation by replaying la vomit vid multiple times at the Triv Media Control Console. How do we all feel about Beave’s ability to make the leap from cutie-patooty teen sensation to adult hip hop bop überstar? La’s not so sure — but don’t tell my youngest loin fruit.

Jones. For the information of los readers in Palestinian Territories, Occupied and points further afield, this man is a highly influential radio announcer. I’m here to tell you, though, that he gets a bum rap. He is a deeply misunderstood man, and a good friend to disenfranchised, marginalised young right-wingers everywhere. His greatest act of friendship and support thus far has been to take them into his confidence, sharing deep, personal insights with them. This week it was reported that he said, at a ‘private’ gathering of young acolytes, that our Wide Brown Land Supreme Leader’s father “died of shame” at his daughter’s “[ongoing lies]”. But he didn’t mean for other people to find out! He thought he was among friends! He didn’t ever think she’d hear! All the poor man was trying to do was give some pudgy, rosy-cheeked outsiders a view from inside the the tent. Give the fella a break, vindictive, latte-swilling lefty media types.

Palazzo Versace on the Market for $70m. Now you know what life looks like beneath the dusty rafters of Palazzo Trivialista: much like this, just with a few more bits of lego and pairs of Crocs dotting the terrazzo. Do you think Donatella et al ever had any real connection with the Plastic Paradise gaff that shared their name? La GC always seemed an appropriate spot for their famiglia to have a hotel outpost, but somehow the Wide Brown Land did not. Anyhow, check your spare change to see whether it could be yours in time for the next school holidays. Then invite me.

Slow news week, folks. Aside from these razor-sharp issues, not much to get excited about.