Nataniël on braai

One of the guys that stood next to me on the top of Kilimanjaro, Justin Hollis, sent me the Afrikaans part of what follows below. The original text is entitled “Nataniël se braai etiket” (Nataniël’s braai etiquette). How Justin knows who Nataniël is remains a mystery. An even bigger mystery is how Justin, a thoroughbred English South African, understands one word of the original text. So for the benefit of Justin and all other non-Afrikaans speaking braaiers, I include English comments after each point. The original Afrikaans text includes a few swearwords; please ignore the Afrikaans parts if this will offend you.

Wors moet nog kan buig as dit afgehaal word – dit moet nie breek nie. Wors word ook nie vol gate gesteek nie, kry vir jou iets anders om te steek. Boerewors should still be able to bend when you take it off. Here we need to clear up a general rule of thumb that goes “boerewors is ready when its breaks when you bend it”. It is, but it was also ready before it could break. Breaking boerewors should be seen as the upper limit. It means that you should take it off immediately, not that you should start thinking about taking it off.

As jy nie kan braai nie, moenie! Jy fok net jou gaste rond. If you cannot braai, don’t. With this I do not agree. If you cannot braai, learn how to. Its one of the real joys of life.

Vleis word van die rooster of die plaat af opgeskep – nie uit ‘n lou-oond uit nie. Meat should be served from the braai grid, not from the warming oven. Fellow braaiers, this is very important. That lamb gave his life so that you can enjoy your chops. Don’t put the chops in a bowl and steam them after they came of the braai. It insults the memory of the lamb, and it insults your guests.

As jy self jou vleis wil braai want jy vertrou nie die braaier nie, of as jy net doodeenvoudig vol kak is, praat voor die tyd of shut up! If you want to braai your meat personally, speak up before the braai starts. Otherwise stay quiet. I don’t really agree with this. In general it is bad form to insist on braaing your own meat when you are at the braai of another man. And regarding talking on his hand, if he breaks enough rules, tell him.

As jy ‘n ander persoon die braaireg by jou huis gee dan swaai hy die septer. If you give another man the braai duties at your house, then he is in charge. Absolutely.

As jy met hout wil vuurmaak, koop ordentlike hout. Gebruik slegs as daar genoeg vuuraanstekers is want om die ding aan die gang te kry kos hitte. Baie hitte. Die rook van ‘n sukkelende vuur is ‘n steurnis. ‘Smokey Robinson’ word nie hier geduld nie. As jy kan braai en nie ‘n ordentlike vuur kan maak nie, dan lieg jy. If you braai with wood, buy proper wood. I am not sure what he means here. What other types of braai does he think there is without wood? But the point remains, buy proper wood. Last minute emergency wood buying at a petrol station invariably means the wood is wet, will struggle to light, will make a lot of smoke, and will make rubbish coals. Order large quantities of wood to be delivered at your house, where it can age and be dry by the time you use it.

Komplimenteer die braaier as die vleis gaaf is. Indien nie, sê so! Hoe de fok anders moet hy leer? If the braaier did a good job, give credit where it’s due. If he was bad, tell him that as well. How else can he learn? I think that I’ve mentioned this earlier.

Een slaai by ‘n braai is meer as genoeg. One salad at a braai is enough. I have nothing to add.

Met rugby steek jy die vuur tydens halftyd aan. With rugby, light the fire at half time. This depends when you want to braai. What I can tell you, from doing various experiments, is that a fire made with dry wood of any kind will on average take approximately 40 minutes to burn out.

Hoender eet jy met die hand. Tjops ook. Steak en wors, met ‘n mes en vurk. Chicken and chops should be eaten by hand. Steak and boerewors with a knife & fork. This is personal preference. When I eat chops by hand pieces of meat usually gets stuck between my teeth. This is fine when I am at home and have access to floss. Not fine when I am at a strange location and have to use a second hand sosatie skewer to remove it.

Vleis moet gereeld omgedraai word, nie halfpad aan die eenkant gaar gebrand word en dan omgedraai word nie. Draai kort-kort jou vleis. Sout word oorgegooi net voordat die vleis van die rooster afgehaal word. As dit jou idee is om die vleis uit te droog voor jy dit eet, gaan kry vir jou ‘n stuk volstruisbiltong om jou eetlus te demp! Meat should be turned often, and not burnt on one side before it is turned. Meat should only be salted shortly before it’s taken off the braai. I don’t completely agree on the turning part. For chicken or chops yes. For steak or boerewors, no. Regarding salt, this is high school science. If you add the salt before the meat is sealed, it will draw out some of the juices in the meat, which is exactly what you don’t want.