America’s Next Top (Not) Model Is…

FORREST!

It’s uncanny, and you know it. And when she does win (and she will, bet on it), I’m gonna post that again and again and again.

This episode, if it’s possible, was even more boring than last weeks. I’m just going to be honest and explain the problem. These girls are actually too strong. Yes, they’re short, but that’s really their only problem. The remaining crowd are all plausible (Sundae is excluded, but she at least has a personality) as models in some regard. There are no Tahlias, no Whitney Thompsons… all heinous at modelling but damn fun to blog about. I’m deciding whether or not I’m happy about this lack of interesting material to talk crap about.

Maybe it’s just me, but the whole thing just seems STALE. Miss. J will screech unintelligbly, Nigel will perv, Mr. Jay will continue to be the only one with any sense, and Tyra will be self absorbed.

I’m going to spend the vast majority of this blogette (since the photo recaps have become far more entertaining this cycle, and I’m okay with that) bitching about Forrest. If you like her, stop reading. Or don’t, but don’t bitch. It’s my blog and I’ll bitch if I want to.

A large portion of Forrest’s critique at judging was spent criticizing her performance in the photoshoot- a Cirque Du Soleil themed group thing shot by the dreamy Mike Rosenthal. Tyra specifically said that Rae was the strongest, Brittany was the middling participant and that Forrest was the weakest (they were a group). They made a point to show her hilariously awful shots, some of which had her head completely away from the camera, eyes shut, just totally bad.

And then, after hearing the other two groups (consisting of Kara, Ashley and Laura in one group and Nicole, Sundae and Erin in another) and getting the same ‘best, middling, worst’ critiques, that group gets a collective first call out. Yup, rather than giving the first call out to the person with the best look in the shot (Laura, no doubt), the retardation they call a judging panel figures out a way to dodge a bottom 2 appearance for Forrest, since she is definitely this cycle’s winner. At this point, with such special treatment thrown her way, I’d bet on it.

Two other notable things happened at judging- Nicole was criticized for not contorting her body enough. WAIT, BACK IT UP. LAST WEEK, NIGEL GAVE HER SHIT FOR ALWAYS DOING WEIRD POSES. So essentially, she posed too much, but she’s only supposed to do that in Cirque Du Soleil themed shots. Got it. EXCEPT I DON’T.

And then of course, Tyra is wanking to Sundae’s film, and we’re treated to… a remarkably average shot. Tyra says that Sundae had better shots but this one was chosen because it was the only good one of Nicole.

WAIT, WHAT?!??!! Since when does THAT happen?! If Sundae did a great job overall and Nicole did shitty, why penalize Sundae for a superior performance? Not that I’m complaining… Nicole is far superior, but still… That is some seriously effed up ANTM logic there. Then, to make things better, after Tyra tells that group (Nicole, Sundae and Erin) that Nicole was the weakest, Sundae was the best and Erin was the middling participant, she called Nicole before her two group counterparts, then Sundae, and then Erin.

Also worth noting:

Benny Ninja has become a total sourpussed douche. I cannot stand him. I miss when he was sort of a jolly elf like presence in cycles 8 and 9. Now he’s heinous. I’m not even going to acknowledge that Lil’ Mama helped explain the challenge (whoops, I just did), but I assure you, she did nothing worth noting.

Forrest’s car didn’t even cost 17,000 dollars oh my gawwwwwwd but like now she has some nice new earrings she got for winning a lame ass challenge and oh my gawd we thought Ashley’s dance routine would be great because she’s like a dancer BUT OH MY GAWWWWW LOOK AT MY NEW EARRINGS TEEHEEEEE.

Apparently this show is having an issue picking a bitch and sticking to it… At the beginning, it was Biyanka, then it was Luly, then Ashley, and this week, they made Kara seem like a total backstabbing hobag, and apparently most of the contestants are not ‘her type of people’ which was both an abrasive and cunty thing to say. She and Forrest were all giggly and twatty all episode, which just made me hate Forrest even more and feel my first twinges of dislike for Kara, since the majority of their shit-talking was about Nicole.

Mr. Jay Manuel looks funny and costume-y chic in Cirque Du Soleil fierce clown makeup. He gave some dramatic speech about ‘Miss. Banks’ wanting them to reach new heights as models. Another height joke? Really? These aren’t tired yet? Then, like ten seconds later, he was back and better than ever with his orange glow.

ACCORDING TO THE PEOPLE AT TWOP, the new stupid ‘TOOOOPPP MOOOODEELLL’ song that plays after one of the chickies is eliminated is performed by Marvin Fequiere. THAT’S STAAAAAAACCYYYY ANNNNN’S HUSBAND! OH MY GOD.

3 comments

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Just seeing her name makes me physically cringe. Even Scars doesn’t do that to me…well, not until I see her picture anyway.

“I’m deciding whether or not I’m happy about this lack of interesting material to talk crap about.”

Yeah, it does wonders for your callout posts, but not much good for the recap 😦 Some would consider that a good thing, some would consider it bad.

“Maybe it’s just me, but the whole thing just seems STALE.”

Well…it IS the 13th go round 😦

“Miss. J will screech unintelligbly, ”

Ewwwwwwwwwwwww.

“Nigel will perv,”

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

“Mr. Jay will continue to be the only one with any sense,”

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh ❤

"since the photo recaps have become far more entertaining this cycle, and I’m okay with that)"

😀

"If you like her, stop reading."

Okay.

"It’s my blog and I’ll bitch if I want to."

YOU WOULD CRY TOO, IF IT HAPPENED TO YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

"by the dreamy Mike Rosenthal."

Yeah, no wonder it was a boring episode 😐 teeheehee

"some of which had her head completely away from the camera, eyes shut, just totally bad."

LOL. I'm seeing Gilbert Gottfried!

"Nicole was criticized for not contorting her body enough. WAIT, BACK IT UP. LAST WEEK, NIGEL GAVE HER SHIT FOR ALWAYS DOING WEIRD POSES."

Ugh.

"Got it. EXCEPT I DON’T."

WELL IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, IT DOES MAKE SOOOOOOOOOME SENSE! YOU DO ALL THE CONTORTING OR NOT BASED ON HOW APPROPRIATE IT IS FOR THE SPECIFIC SHOOT, NO?

"Tyra says that Sundae had better shots but this one was chosen because it was the only good one of Nicole."

What the hell?…What a f_cking backhand.

"If Sundae did a great job overall and Nicole did shitty, why penalize Sundae for a superior performance?"

So they can use it against her when they crown Gilbert Gottfried champion over her at the end. 😦

"after Tyra tells that group (Nicole, Sundae and Erin) that Nicole was the weakest, Sundae was the best and Erin was the middling participant, she called Nicole before her two group counterparts, then Sundae, and then Erin."

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"I miss when he was sort of a jolly elf"

Like Nole the Mole? Who the hell is Benny Ninja, and who the hell is Lil' Mama? Is she related to Lil' Kim? Lil' Bow Wow? Bow wow wow yippee oh yippee eh, where my dawgs at? Bark with me now?

"BUT OH MY GAWWWWW LOOK AT MY NEW EARRINGS"

I can hear it now. Like a parrot squawking.

"Apparently this show is having an issue picking a bitch and sticking to it… At the beginning, it was Biyanka, then it was Luly, then Ashley, and this week, they made Kara seem like a total backstabbing hobag"

Methinks they're just trying desperately to get some drama out of somewhere 😦

"apparently most of the contestants are not ‘her type of people’"

Men? Women who need plastic surgery?! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE?! AND YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T PAYING ATTENTION!

"She and Forrest were all giggly and twatty all episode,"

Yuck.

"since the majority of their shit-talking was about Nicole."

UGH! JEALOUSY! And then the bitch will win over her in the end, and be all MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! UGH UGH UGH!