Margot and Barbarahttp://margot-and-barbara.com
Mindfully living, growing, reading and travelling.Fri, 31 Mar 2017 10:29:38 +0000en-UShourly1https://wordpress.org/?v=4.7.9A new job and a new mindsethttp://margot-and-barbara.com/uncategorized/new-job-new-mindset/
http://margot-and-barbara.com/uncategorized/new-job-new-mindset/#commentsFri, 31 Mar 2017 10:29:38 +0000http://margot-and-barbara.com/?p=7310I got a new job. It’s a great job. I’ll be doing it for a year, and then who knows what’s next. I’m excited about it. It’s interesting – to me, anyway – that I’ve been searching for a really ... Read More

It’s a great job. I’ll be doing it for a year, and then who knows what’s next. I’m excited about it. It’s interesting – to me, anyway – that I’ve been searching for a really long time for the work that would make me happy, and I think that I’m close to finding it. And without even moving employer. For many years, I’ve thought that to truly love what you do, you’ve got to work for yourself. Unless you happen to be one of those rare people who have always known that they wanted to be a firefighter, dancer, teacher, nurse…people with a vocation, rather than just those average types like me, who stumble from one job to another, without much of a plan and largely relying on luck and gut instinct to make decisions about what should come next.

But I think I might have been wrong.

I think that I can find work that I love without having to have a vocation or a business of my own. I think that perhaps it’s a mindset change that I needed. What I’ve discovered recently is that there are things in my day job that I’m pretty good at. Even saying that is a shift in my brain. Thinking ‘I’m pretty good’ at something doesn’t come naturally. Saying it out loud even less so. But other people have told me that I am good. That I have capabilities. And these are people whose opinion and judgement I trust. So, if they say that I’m good, who am I to disagree? Who am I to devalue their judgement? The more I learn to listen to people who tell me that I’m good at something, the more confidence I develop. The more I start to see, that yes, perhaps I am good at this work after all. I have things to offer. It’s not all smoke and mirrors and a bad case of imposter syndrome. (Though don’t get me wrong, imposter syndrome and I are old friends; we still hang out together all the time…)

So, it becomes an upwards spiral. It gathers momentum. Gathers pace. As the confidence grows in me, the desire to work harder, smarter, more, grows alongside it. I’m seeing results, getting more positive feedback, which feeds that desire to keep going. It feels really, really good. I’m making connections within the different parts of my job. Pulling strands of work together. Growing a network of people to question and learn from. And I’m having so much fun. (Fun is allowed, at work. People forget…)

So for now, I’m putting my skincare business plans on hold. I want to make the most of this opportunity. I want to really grow. In some of my favourite words from David Hieatt, I want to do one thing well. After years of neglecting my career because of uncertainty about what it should look like, followed by marriage, kids, divorce, relationship breakdown and near-homelessness, it’s time to put it in the spotlight. Now I’ve found the kind of work I think I’m good at, I want to really see what I might achieve…

PS: The job? It’s made up of two things. Firstly, it’s helping create a footpath all around the coast of England. What an amazing project. And secondly, it’s communications and people engagement. Something I probably should have realised that I loved a long time ago…

]]>http://margot-and-barbara.com/uncategorized/new-job-new-mindset/feed/1Getting older but getting fitter.http://margot-and-barbara.com/uncategorized/getting-older-but-getting-fitter/
http://margot-and-barbara.com/uncategorized/getting-older-but-getting-fitter/#commentsWed, 01 Mar 2017 07:00:23 +0000http://margot-and-barbara.com/?p=7296I’m a big believer in personal velocity; the idea that we all reach our true peak at a time unique to us. The world may tell us that our physical peak is in our youth, while the sexual peak for ... Read More

]]>I’m a big believer in personal velocity; the idea that we all reach our true peak at a time unique to us. The world may tell us that our physical peak is in our youth, while the sexual peak for women is apparently 45. The latter is good news for me as I’m heading that way, but the former is something that causes me a bit of anxiety.

I feel as though I’m just gearing up, you see. Just getting going with my life. I think it’s a consequence of relationships ending, huge life changes and a fresh start. It’s not really a surprise. And yet, the world – and, every time I’m tired, my mother – keeps telling me that now is the time my life will start to slow down. Thechange might be upon me, mum whispers. But it’s not. I’m not ready. Someone in my ace online running network mentioned the peri-menopause the other day. She is my age; a mere forty. Nope. Not having that. Not my time yet. I have a new level of running fitness to achieve. Weights to lift, long distance walks to tackle, indoor climbing walls to scale and a road bike that really, really wants to be ridden all the way to the seaside. Not to mention I need to find a house to move into at some point and at least one bit of career development to try for. There’s stuff to do.

I’m not convinced of the peri-menopause anyway. I’m sure that I’m wrong, but in my head the years leading up to the menopause will be just the same as all the other years. Maybe a touch wrinklier. But that’s it. And, even if I might, just might be slowing down a bit, I’m fitter than I’ve been for twenty years, eating better, drinking less booze, getting more sleep. And not to mention having all the lovely benefits of a still-rather-new relationship. (Not that. You’re so rude, you lot. Although now you mention it…) Surely all that will counter-act any slowing down? I’d like to think so.

All of this angst is, of course, exacerbated by the success of a generation of fitness ‘gurus’. Of Instagram transformation posts, health bloggers, media superstars. Generally in their twenties, with seemingly few other commitments in life (like kids or day jobs) to get in the way of avocado-toast photos and workout regimes to sell, there is a whole industry out there waiting to take your money and perhaps make you feel less-than-great about yourself along the way.

Of course, I’m exaggerating somewhat for effect. It’s not all bad. There are some incredible, talented and lovely fitness bloggers out there. My own favourites are Veggie Runners, a mother and daughter duo who prove that you can work hard, keep a balanced life, be super-fit and bloody lovely with it. I’m very proud to call Jayne a friend too. The ace thing about Veggie Runners is that they’re sane. (Their love of a ridiculously hard challenge notwithstanding!) They give good, balanced advice. We’ve started to see the backlash against ‘clean eating’ emerge, as properly qualified nutritionists take some of our gurus to task. Not before time, I think. Time for me to find some good old-fashioned common sense in amongst all the hype.

So, I’ve been seeking out the sanity. The good stuff that is trustworthy. The people to really admire – who, for me at this time in my life, need to be people like me. People in their thirties upwards. People who juggle getting fitter and healthier and marathon training or whatever, with work and kids and other responsibilities and commitments. People who understand that done is better than perfect, that sometimes you have to squash a workout in between the school-run and getting to work on time and that you have to make endless compromises and choices every damn day just to keep it all – roughly – on track. Those are my people. And, honestly, they’re usually the best kind of people to have in your team, because the levels of empathy run deep…

This week, the depths of my age-related fitness angst, I came across ‘Finding Traction’, a documentary on Netflix about the ultra-runner, Nikki Kimball. It was exactly what I needed to see. This remarkable woman, older than me, breaking records for long distance running. Showing me that age wasn’t the barrier that the world wants it to be. Being a complete badass and wanting to share that with other women. She was just the inspiration that I was looking for. And I know there are more women like this out there, sharing their stories. I just need to keep looking for them and build my fitness network.

]]>http://margot-and-barbara.com/uncategorized/getting-older-but-getting-fitter/feed/2Hello again.http://margot-and-barbara.com/home/hello-again/
http://margot-and-barbara.com/home/hello-again/#commentsFri, 03 Feb 2017 10:28:13 +0000http://margot-and-barbara.com/?p=7281Hello. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I think that I’m probably supposed to launch straight into this post without any acknowledgement of the fact I’ve been away for seven whole months, but I’ve never been one for blogging according ... Read More

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I think that I’m probably supposed to launch straight into this post without any acknowledgement of the fact I’ve been away for seven whole months, but I’ve never been one for blogging according to the ‘rules’ and it feels a bit too obvious to ignore. So, what’s been going on? Well, after I wrote my last post, way back in June of last year, I just stopped. As though I’d run out of steam. I’d been using my blog as something akin to therapy – as usual – and I’d got to a point where I’d said all that I needed to say; I’d found the peace I was looking for and at the same time, found a new romantic relationship to invest myself in. I never planned to quit my blog, but the urge to get something out of my head and out into the world simply went quietly away and for once, I didn’t question it; I just went along the journey my feelings wanted to take me. And it’s been a good break.

Fast forward to now, and I feel a bit like I’m coming back from a period of hibernation. I’ve done that thing that newly loved-up people often do – vanish from the world a little, only to reappear months later with a smile on their face. This relationship? It’s good. Really good. Somehow my love manages to be simultaneously solid and exciting. Stable and yet adventurous. The underpinning – and hugely reassuring – feeling of being supported and protected by him has given me an increasing amount of confidence in myself and in our relationship.We travel, have adventures, make time for so much fun – together, with friends, and with our amazing kids. I love him and he loves me and it’s the best feeling ever. I might be having a little cry as I write this; It’s taken me a long time to find the trust I’ve needed and taking this time to write it down – my therapy again – has brought that all to light.

So – I’m happy and that’s a huge shift.

Elsewhere, not masses has changed. I’ve been making very slow plans for Lark Skincare, carving out small amounts of time for it amongst everything else. I’m still living with my parents, still paying off debt, getting ready to move house – which needs to happen this year, because my eldest child is going to high school. Still something of a shock that I’m old enough to be the mother of a ten-year old…

Work remains the same. After several failed attempts at promotion, I’m beginning to think that perhaps I need a different career path, but the uncertainty about what that should be remains a question in my head. I know the work – in the environmental sector, which needs all the friends it can get – matters to me. I know that the way in which I’m allowed to work (largely from home, with a huge amount of flexibility and autonomy over my days) is the key to making the rest of my complicated life practical, so I need to remind myself of those things when I’m feeling less-than-great about it.

When I’m not working, parenting, hanging out with my love or making skincare, I’ve been running. I’m attempting to get fit before I’m ancient. I did my first ten mile trail race the first week in January; when I was mostly made of Quality Street and Christmas booze. Sometimes I’m an idiot. Anyway, I made it round in one piece, and received a medal, fancy t-shirt and damaged foot as my reward. I’m just getting myself going again now my foot has recovered, with a 10k booked in for on April Fool’s Day which seems terribly fitting…

Even though I’ve not been writing here, I’m attempting to write a novel. It’s terrible. But fun. And I need to write something otherwise I spend all of my precious spare time reading Donald Trump’s twitter feed. I mean, I’m barely finding the words I need to try and comprehend what’s going on there. It’s hilarious and terrifying, in one giant Brave New World-esque mess, and I don’t really know where to begin trying to work out what I can DO about any of it. The same as the rest of us, I suppose – try to be educated, donate my time and money. And to try to really understand the perspective of those people who think very differently to me. The ones who voted differently to me in the European referendum. The ones who think that a Trump presidency is a good result. It’s only by stepping out of my own bubble that I can challenge my own assumptions and perhaps get the understanding I need to get to the heart of what’s going on and what I might do about it.

As for the future of this site? I think it might stick around a bit longer. I am not going to create a blog timetable, I’m not going to do any fancy scheduling or series of posts. I’m not going to care about SEO or superb photos or any of that. I’m not a ‘lifestyle’ blogger or part of any niche or clique.

I’m just me, writing about whatever takes my fancy, sharing my story, being honest. That feels like the right kind of blog for me.

]]>http://margot-and-barbara.com/home/hello-again/feed/5My first days of forty…http://margot-and-barbara.com/home/first-days-of-forty/
http://margot-and-barbara.com/home/first-days-of-forty/#commentsFri, 17 Jun 2016 06:00:50 +0000http://margot-and-barbara.com/?p=7231So, by the time you read this I’ll be in Iceland. Finally. And getting naked, as planned. Turning forty has been something that–if you’ve been reading this blog a while– you’ll know that I’ve had as a giant landmark moment ... Read More

So, by the time you read this I’ll be in Iceland. Finally. And getting naked, as planned.

Turning forty has been something that–if you’ve been reading this blog a while– you’ll know that I’ve had as a giant landmark moment for a really long time. And now it’s here. I was forty last week, on the most perfect of sunny days, in the best company. And life feels just the same and yet very different.

Physically I’m still me. Feeling not too bad; in fact, I’m happier in my skin than I have been for a long time. And I have plans to get fitter. I have a trail marathon in my sights. Not to mention the two days of hiking in Iceland.

Emotionally, I feel as though there has been one final shift into a place of acceptance, peace and determination. As though I’ve finally given myself permission to do more of what I want, less of what I don’t and care less about what ‘other people’ think of me. Of what I look like, what I do, the choices I make, how I choose to parent and how I live my life. It’s been like I’ve been waiting, waiting, until the actual day. Now, there’s a huge feeling of ‘fuck it, I’m forty’ hanging around when it comes to decision making and risk taking. A feeling that life is short, that it should have every last drop of goodness used up before I clock out. You can tell the strength of feeling I have about this; I think this might be my first ever blogging swear!

And that feeling is good. So good. Perhaps realising, finally, that we don’t actually have all the time in the world is a really good way of gaining clarity and bravery about decision making. I feel like ‘fuck it, I’m forty’ might be a mantra for the whole year…lets see where it takes me! I might have to revisit this list and add more to it. On the flip side of this is my decision to stop planning so much. To let decisions and opportunities unfold before me, instead of forward planning to the last degree. I’m happier with risks, happier with spontaneity, happier with times of quiet–and of ridiculous busyness. So many opportunities have started to arrive that I never could have planned for; great things that I’ve been happy to say yes to, because I’m feeling this way.

I’ve been waiting for Iceland for what seems like forever. The fact that (barring some kind of disaster) I will actually be there by the time you read this means that, despite everything, I made it. Despite having to move in with my parents, having to sort out my finances, having to start my life all over again, I made it to Iceland. For me, this feels really significant. A sign that I can make things happen. That there is a lot of good stuff yet to come. With plenty of things in the pipeline for after Iceland (more on those later), and my returning levels of fitness, this feels like such a strong place to be, emotionally as well as physically.

Honestly, it feels like the sun has started to shine on me again and I’m excited about what my forties will bring.

But for now, I’m taking this week to live out my dreamof walking across a volcano, swimming in a lagoon and standing on the summit of the world’s newest mountains… I’ll be back soon.

NB: I’m likely to be sharing photos over here, if you fancy seeing what I get up to.

]]>http://margot-and-barbara.com/home/first-days-of-forty/feed/3An evening with Seven Arts.http://margot-and-barbara.com/adventures/seven-arts/
http://margot-and-barbara.com/adventures/seven-arts/#respondWed, 15 Jun 2016 06:00:45 +0000http://margot-and-barbara.com/?p=7224 Recently, the lovely team at Seven Arts in Chapel Allerton, a suburb in north Leeds, got in touch to ask if I’d like to join them at an event to launch their new summer menu. Being a big fan, ... Read More

Recently, the lovely team at Seven Arts in Chapel Allerton, a suburb in north Leeds, got in touch to ask if I’d like to join them at an event to launch their new summer menu. Being a big fan, I said yes straight away.

As we were there to taste the new menu, I’ll start with that. It’s lovely. Internationally influenced, light and colourful and bursting with flavour, it would be the perfect accompaniment to a warm summer’s evening. Ingredients are supplied from local sources where possible–meaning that other businesses in the area benefit in a really good example of community collaboration and support.

I particularly loved the gravlax, with the ruby red beetroot-cured salmon sitting with caper remoulade on sourdough toast. Broad bean, asparagus and ricotta frittata was beautifully fresh and I enjoyed the pan tumaca (tomato, chorizo, manchego cheese and an olive) so much I went back for seconds! Seven do a great selection of cakes too, perfect if you’re visiting in the day-time. My favourite is the lemon and polenta … Ok, this is a terrible photo of a beautiful cake. I’m not going to hang around taking pictures when someone presents me with a tray of cake. Let’s just leave it at that, shall we?

But, as well as that gorgeous food, what is particularly interesting about Seven Arts is that the income from the cafe bar funds their ongoing professional and internationally acclaimed programme of arts. The programme is an eclectic one, featuring (but not limited to!) music, comedy, poetry, theatre and film from around the world. The strength of the programming is such that in one evening, I’d bookmarked almost every event that’s coming up this month–it all looked so good. The venue has seating for 100, in a creatively designed space that allows them to adapt it to suit each performance.

As the reputation of Seven Arts is so strong and continues to grow, there are opportunities to see shows that you might not otherwise get the chance to outside of the Edinburgh Festival or London; in fact, shows often stop at Seven on their way up to Edinburgh for August. To think that this is all happening in a suburb of north Leeds is remarkable, really – and why you should keep an eye on their programme. It’s seriously top quality.

The story of Seven Arts really starts with the Chapel Allerton Arts Festival, which was founded by a group of women, most of whom are still on the Board now. The increasing success of the Festival made them realise that a permanent venue would be something that the people living in the LS7 postcode area (Chapel Allerton, Chapeltown and Potternewton) would really value. Seeking funding for the creation of a purpose built venue, the team were successful in obtaining grant support through European Regional Development Fund and private donations for the building of Seven Arts.

However, since that initial grant, Seven Arts (a not-for-profit organisation) has had no grant funding to keep it going. It’s all self sustained – something that was incredibly forward thinking at the time and now helps to protect them from the significant drop in grant funding for the arts. To me, there is much about their model of funding sustainability that other organisations could learn from, and it’s enabled them to keep going for nine years! I think the tenth anniversary celebrations next year may well be unmissable.

Spending the evening chatting to this group of remarkable people I came away feeling hugely impressed by their hard work, tenacity and dedication to the arts and to Seven Arts, not to mention the venue and upcoming programme. It’s somewhere that I intend to spend more time in, and I highly recommend that you do too…

]]>http://margot-and-barbara.com/adventures/seven-arts/feed/0What am I good at? (Or, starting a podcast…)http://margot-and-barbara.com/uncategorized/what-am-i-good-at/
http://margot-and-barbara.com/uncategorized/what-am-i-good-at/#commentsTue, 10 May 2016 06:00:39 +0000http://margot-and-barbara.com/?p=7201A few things have converged in recent weeks that have had the combined effect of making me look closely at what’s next for me, in terms of how I make a living. It’s the time of year for setting performance ... Read More

]]>A few things have converged in recent weeks that have had the combined effect of making me look closely at what’s next for me, in terms of how I make a living.

It’s the time of year for setting performance goals in my day job, which is always a time of reflection, and I’ve been in talks with some friends about side hustles and projects of various kinds. Add in (a mere 28 days away) my fortieth birthday, some developments for Lark skincare, and the reading of Chris Guillebeau’s new book ‘Born for This‘ and you’ve got the ideal conditions for the melting pot of ideas currently whirling around my head.

One of the things that Guillebeau asks in his book is for you to make a list of the things that you’re good at. His premise is that you need to find the perfect career that combines the things you’re good at, the things that will bring in money and the things that bring you joy. It’s a tempting idea and one that I’d like to explore more. However, I’m terrible at thinking about what I’m good at; my immediate thought is that I’m not great at anything. It’s my default position–a permanent state of Imposter Syndrome, I think. It seems that there are various ways of trying to work out what you might be good at. Things that create a state of ‘flow’, perhaps. Or looking at the kind of questions and advice you get routinely asked. Or thinking about what you’re complimented on. Asking people who know you well is another way of getting a bit of clarity and is something that I think I need to try.

For now, I’m still working my way through this thinking. So far I’ve got a short list of things I think I’m good at and a far longer list of things that I enjoy doing. Working out where any of these could link to a source of income is another step entirely in this process; one that I’ll get to soon, I hope.

But there is one thing that I’m really confident that I’m great at.

Making friends.

I have great friends. I know I say it a lot but that’s because its just one of the very few things that I’m really unshakeably confident about. Some of them I see regularly, some every so often. Some I haven’t seen in years, but know that when we do catch up, it’ll be as though we’ve only just been hanging out. A case in point? I went to the fortieth birthday party of an old school friend the other day. We’ve not seen each other in fifteen years and she’s just about to leave for two years’ worth of work in Cambodia. We had so much fun catching up, and now I’ve got a new snail mail partner over in Asia…not to mention somewhere to stay if I ever find my way over there!

As this story shows, only are my friends ace, they’re interesting. They know how to lead really full lives, with multiple passions and good career choices and have fascinating perspectives on all of that. I learn so much from them.

On a whim, I told Twitter that I wanted to start a podcast. I’ve been really enjoying listening to podcasts recently and have wanted to give it a try ever since I went to a blogging conference ages ago. And–because I have ace friends–I’ve found one who is willing to take a punt on that idea, and we’re going to have a chat about making that happen. Even though I hate the sound of my own voice, so that’s something for me to get over.

And the subject of this podcast? My friends. Close friends, blogging friends, old and new friends. Friends who have interesting lives, who are multi-passionate, or who follow unusual career patterns. I want to chat to them, learn from them, share their advice and stories and all of the things that I know they’re great at. I might not be so good at working out what I’m good at, but I’m pretty good at chatting to my friends, and you never know, perhaps it’ll help me to work out what other things I’m good at! The introvert in me likes that this is a one-to-one conversation for audio, not video (I’m pretty sure that YouTube isn’t in my future…) and I think that I can ask the kind of questions to make a conversation worth a listen.

So, fingers crossed that in the not-too-distant future, you’ll be able to listen to that. And then I’ll work out a way of making a living from doing the things I love. One day…

]]>http://margot-and-barbara.com/uncategorized/what-am-i-good-at/feed/4Who do you blog for?http://margot-and-barbara.com/home/who-do-you-blog-for/
http://margot-and-barbara.com/home/who-do-you-blog-for/#commentsMon, 02 May 2016 06:00:47 +0000http://margot-and-barbara.com/?p=7185I’ve had a month of completing Susannah Conway’s April Love prompts, here on my blog and over on my Instagram account. It’s been a beautiful, reflective and immersive experience and I’ve enjoyed finding moments to think about each subject and to ... Read More

]]>I’ve had a month of completing Susannah Conway’s April Love prompts, here on my blog and over on my Instagram account. It’s been a beautiful, reflective and immersive experience and I’ve enjoyed finding moments to think about each subject and to practise gratitude for my life and everything in it. I’ll definitely be joining in with August Break again later in the summer.

What I’ve really come to realise, at the end, is how much I enjoy writing this kind of way too. The prompts definitely acted as a key to unlocking my writing passion again, which has been a really positive experience.

Often, I have periods of thinking that I’ll quit my blog. That I’ve had enough, that it’s just another chore or that I don’t have anything of value to say. In the five years since I started Margot & Barbara, blogs have changed considerably. Far fewer of them seem to be the old diary-style writing that I enjoy. There are definitely not many with home made logo designs: I painted mine with watercolours and then scanned it in! They’re much slicker, with better photography, design and promotion. But the flip side of that is (from my perspective) many bloggers start blogging with immediate expectation of success too. As though it’s not about the hours of love you put into your blog, but perhaps what it can offer you. Although that rather depends on your definition of success, it seems that blogging as a business is a big draw for many new bloggers.

Some days, I think that the art of writing isn’t something that many bloggers prioritise as much as they should. Images may well give great first impressions, but good writing will keep me on your site. Not that I’m saying that I’m a great writer–far from it–but the years of practice have helped me to find my real voice; one that I hope you’ll read throughout this blog. And yes, I know I always start sentences with conjunctions, but rules are made to be broken! I think that knowing it’s a grammar rule in the first place is part of the pleasure I get in breaking it. What I love most about blogging (apart from the wonderful friendships I’ve made) isn’t all the extraneous activities; it’s simply the writing.

And I think my best writing comes from telling stories about my life.

I’ve tried, and enjoyed, writing about other things–and I’ll write about them here again–but I love the practise of sharing what I know. What I know is my story. April Love has been a way for me to connect with that again and reaffirm that feeling; one of understanding that this is my kind of successful blogging. Blogging from the heart, about the things that matter to me, in order to make a connection with the world.

One of my favourite writers, Alexandra Franzen, said that you have to write for the person who is reading. The one who waits for your work. The one who has been impacted by what you say. And that, even if your audience is only that one person, they’re enough for you to keep going.

“If you write something and share it–and your words help one human being to experience a better day, or a better life–then your work is a tremendous success. You never, ever know how your words might influence someone else’s life.”

Alexandra Franzen.

I like that. My personal blogs are the ones that I know resonate with my audiences; they tell me. I do blog for you, my readers. But even if you weren’t here to read, I know that I’d keep writing, just because I get so much from the contemplation of subjects and release of thoughts that are in my head. It’s almost like a form of therapy; one that hopefully helps more people than just me…

]]>http://margot-and-barbara.com/home/who-do-you-blog-for/feed/2Dear … Elizabeth (April Love #30)http://margot-and-barbara.com/home/dear-elizabeth-april-love-30/
http://margot-and-barbara.com/home/dear-elizabeth-april-love-30/#commentsSun, 01 May 2016 07:49:52 +0000http://margot-and-barbara.com/?p=7181Dear … Elizabeth, Well, I’ve written to past you and future you, and now we complete the circle with a letter from me to you (me!) to have a chat about what’s going on right now. I’ve been a bit ... Read More

Well, I’ve written to past you and future you, and now we complete the circle with a letter from me to you (me!) to have a chat about what’s going on right now.

I’ve been a bit late in writing this one–should have finished it yesterday, really– because I haven’t really known what to say. Haven’t got much in the way of sage advice for you, right now. I think it’s perhaps because (dare I say it out loud?) I think you’re doing rather well…

Yep, you live in a spare room still, but the debts are going down. And your health hasn’t been this good in years; if we ignore the niggling leg injury, that is. All that quitting sugar, eating better, and daily monitoring on MyFitness Pal (for 105 days and counting) is having results. You may well end up being ok naked in Iceland after all!

Going back to monthly goal setting is really working too–you’ve ticked off lots of things on the to-do list this month. Keep doing that, it’s the best way of staying on track that you’ve found and far easier to make decisions about what matters to you right now, than setting goals in stone at the start of the year and then feeling like a failure because you’ve changed your mind. Monthly evaluation is the thing for you. And we both know how much you love a bit of navel gazing, so that won’t be hard…

Work is work, as usual, but I do think you’re getting a bit better at losing your Imposter Syndrome. Just make some more time for planning, ok? Not just everyday email fire-fighting. The in-box will still be there if you take a bit of time offline to think longer term; it’s not a luxury to plan, it’s essential…

Things are looking up for your love life too, and I know you’re feeling all the butterflies about that. I don’t think we need to talk much more about it today, although I know you can’t stop thinking about that lovely man you’re dating. (I’m SO excited for you…)

The kids are doing great; they’re happy, healthy, full of life. You’re blessed with the best friends anyone could want and your parents are not only putting up with you living with them, they’re supporting you to move in the direction of the future you want.

And then there’s Lark, a project that is going slowly in the direction you want it to. There are huge opportunities for you with this project this year. I know you’re terrified about that. But, let’s be brave.

Do you know, I’m grinning as I write this. Life is sweet, right now. Just in this moment, I’m sitting here typing and thinking that although you don’t have a very conventional life, it’s nonetheless a really good one. I’m grateful to April Love for creating a space in which to realise that.

]]>http://margot-and-barbara.com/home/dear-elizabeth-april-love-30/feed/1Dear … heart (April Love #26)http://margot-and-barbara.com/home/dear-heart/
http://margot-and-barbara.com/home/dear-heart/#commentsTue, 26 Apr 2016 17:16:49 +0000http://margot-and-barbara.com/?p=7174Dear … heart, It’s a miracle that you haven’t closed yourself off forever, given the turmoil of the past few years. Just this week, you and I have realised that there is possibility for love in our future. A handful ... Read More

It’s a miracle that you haven’t closed yourself off forever, given the turmoil of the past few years. Just this week, you and I have realised that there is possibility for love in our future. A handful of dates with the right person, the promise of more, and that’s all it’s taken for me to realise that there’s a chance. And I’m proud of you, of us, for that. For realising that, even though it might be easier to to protect us from further pain, closing off from love is not the bravest thing to do.

Being brave is accepting that love comes with risk and letting ourselves go for it anyway, even though bravery brings fear, like a rotten little sidekick, along for the ride.

And I am scared.

I’m scared of that risk, of the possibility that what has appeared so easily might disappear just as quickly. I even had a little cry about that today, if I’m honest. Tears that fell just because I feel vulnerable about saying that I’ve met someone who I really, really like. Who I want to be a part of my future. Who seems, at the time of writing, to feel the same way about me.

But to let that fear take over might just turn the right person away, if I let it turn me into a jealous nightmare, or a panic-stricken, anxiety riddled shadow. Might turn what could be a beautiful thing into a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure. I don’t want to do that. I want this person to see me for the real me. Someone who is strong, because of what I know. Someone who can be brave, can stand on my own two feet but would love a partner to stand shoulder to shoulder with. Someone who understands that no-one gets to this age without some history, and has the empathy to embrace that. Someone who can live and love wholeheartedly.

All of this is still purely possibility at this point, so I’m trying my absolute best to keep things in balance. To allow you to lead me, heart, but to live for the joy that I feel today, instead of writing prophecies in my head–good and bad– about what might be to come. Not to get carried away, keeping things in perspective, but allowing myself to feel the way I feel right at this minute; when the fear doesn’t get in the way, I’m really bloody happy.

I feel you, heart, as I make these decisions. My heart, my fear, my courage, my intuition. You’re all there, working together. I just need to slow down, listen to my truth. Listen to you. And be brave enough to say, ‘I deserve this’. I deserve to fill my heart with love, allow myself to fall in love and be loved in return, take the risks, accept that I’m not in control but to allow for the possibility of good things happening. And to know my boundaries. Know what is acceptable behaviour, what will make for a good, healthy love and trying my best to be the kind of person I want to fall in love with too. Not accepting less than that, this time around. All that heartbreak has taught me well.

So, heart. Keep beating for me. Keep filling me with love, keep my life flowing through me. Allow me to dare greatly. I’m going to throw myself in the deep end. Just, let’s take it one day at a time, ok?

]]>http://margot-and-barbara.com/home/dear-heart/feed/2Dear … money (April Love # 19)http://margot-and-barbara.com/home/dear-money/
http://margot-and-barbara.com/home/dear-money/#commentsTue, 19 Apr 2016 17:51:57 +0000http://margot-and-barbara.com/?p=7168Dear … money, This is supposed to be a love letter and yet, I usually feel like I need to hide away from you. We have a complicated relationship and perhaps it’s time to get some things out in the ... Read More

This is supposed to be a love letter and yet, I usually feel like I need to hide away from you. We have a complicated relationship and perhaps it’s time to get some things out in the open. So, money, this letter is going to be a work in progress. It might be a bit messy. A bit fractured. A bit unsettled. This is how I feel, so you’re going to have to bear with me.

Let’s start with this; a letter to you, money, cannot be complete without a discussion about work. Because, through work, I get a lot of my most keenly felt beliefs about money. For a long time, perhaps forever, I have held onto a thought: you can do good work or you can earn good money, but you cannot do both. By which I mean, I can do work that fits in with my morals, ethics and values, but to do so, I have to accept that I won’t earn a lot of money. For the money belongs with those people who will do anything to earn it.

But I think that might be wrong. I think that I can earn more money doing things that I believe in. I might need to believe in me a bit more to make that happen. But I don’t think the two things are mutually exclusive any more. I need to give this a bit more thought ( I told you this was going to be a work in progress…) but I believe that opportunities might exist for me to earn more money but stay happy with what I do (and who I work for) to earn it.

And I think that to accept that I want more money might be ok. To say that I want to feel more financially secure might be ok. To want more money, not because of greed, but because I want to support myself. To stand on my own two feet, look after my kids, secure our future as a family. My last relationship was clouded by money problems, but they were not mine. I’ve realised that because I don’t own that poor attitude to money, I can work through my current debt problems without the emotions that were problematic before.

I mean, it’s not as if I don’t use you properly, money, when you’re around. I use you for adventures, not for possessions. To create memories, see the world, and, yes, to save up for the future and to pay off my debt. Just this week, I sold my DSLR camera to raise some funds for my skincare project. I never was a great photographer anyway; I’m definitely an old-school blogger in that way. So, you see, when I need you, money, I’m not scared to part with things to get hold of you, for the best of all purposes: to make my dreams come true. I’ve done it time and again; an Hermes scarf paid for letterpress course, Louboutin shoes; a flight to Copenhagen. If I’m honest, I’ve run out of possessions to sell now though.

So it’s time to tell the universe that I want to attract more of you into my life, money. I don’t want to be scared to say that any more. To feel as though I’m somehow a bad person for wanting to have more of you. I mean, I have to find somewhere to live. They don’t give houses away. And I’m ready for side hustles – small ways of earning extra income alongside my day job (yes, HMRC, I’ll be sure to let you know) whether that’s through skincare, massage, writing, or through another of the skills I’ve acquired through my life so far. I’m letting the world know.

Dear money, it’s time you and I had a proper, grown-up relationship. I’m ready for that now. So don’t be scared to head my way…