Everything Is Colors

everything.
everything in my life is tinted with colors.
there are shades of blues and there are many reds and there are a few purples.
and i can’t tell the difference sometimes
between wanting to love you and loving you.
wether i want your touch or if im being touched.
sometimes i can’t tell the difference between wanting to feel loved and
being loved.
there are moments i become overwhelmed with the idea of you
that i forget i have you.
someone once told me you can love the idea of a person and what
you want that person to be more than you love who that person actually is
but i want you to know that im more in love with who you are than anything i ever imagined you were;
the way you know how im thinking through a text message.
the way your eyes light up visibly enough to be captured in a photo when you see me,
regardless of if i understand why or not.
you’re the only thing in my life i love that i cant control.
everything in my life is tinted with colors,
it’s part of my diagnosis i suppose.
when i hit a blue im so low,
and red means im too high,
purple just means im happy and you…
you are always tinted with a shade of purple.
and some people could blame my …. obsession
with loving you on not getting enough love as a child,
but i know it’s just because sometimes i still thinks it’s a dream
to be with you.
with you on cold autumn nights.
with you in the hallways, holding hands, stealing kisses.
with you in your car,
smoke filling our lungs before we laugh
at the faces that we make.
i never thought i could love someone so much that i dont mind
when my back is pressed against a middle console or the arm
rest on a passenger side door.
everything in my life is tinted with colors
and everything with you is purple.
everything with you is happy.
and when i can associate something with happy i tend to hold on.
so im sorry if sometimes i hold on too tight,
or if i pull away too fast in fear of clinging too much to your shirt.
it’s just that sometimes im swallowed in your scent and i cant focus on
anything else before kissing you to remind me of your taste.
im sorry if i love you too much sometimes,
or if i worry about you to the point of making you worrisome about me.
and i could keep aplogizing about things that i cant control;
feelings that aren’t going away-
touches that arent going to stop-
thoughts that speed by to fast to catch but are always spoken
becuase i always want to hear what you think about what i think.
everything.
everything in my life is tinted with colors.
and you’re always tinted with purple.