but I was created for more, so I live despite that all

I am weary, but my God is strong.

In it, I explained that right now I have to work some side jobs in order to pay my bills. I don’t get to do full-time ministry until I raise a full budget. While I was trying to communicate that, I think rather than my passion totally coming through, my weariness did instead.

Because I am weary.

Currently, I have been called to a life I never would have imagined for myself- and I mean that in the best way, and the truest way. I love working for InterVarsity (can you tell yet? Haha), but the thing about following Jesus is that sometimes you have to follow him to places that you didn’t imagine for yourself. I’m trying really hard to say that I don’t want to be here in Flagstaff. Because right now, I do. And honestly, it’s a beautiful place. Most of all though, it’s a place that needs Jesus. So I am happy to be here and bring the Kingdom of God near to people. And I’ve been learning to do that whether it’s with college students, children, my friends, or the elderly. I know that I carry God with me wherever I go and whatever I do, so I gladly go.

However, being in a relationship with Jesus is hard! Did anyone know that? I’m constantly battling between my own desires and saying yes to Jesus. He constantly teaches me so much about humility, his people, and myself. At the same time, I fight the weariness in my heart trying to be some kind of perfect adult.

So when I decided to do this fundraising month in October, I thought that if I could reach my goals, I would feel like a worthy adult. I had it in my mind that raising my deficit and getting to 85% would help me have control over my own fate.
But we all know that’s not true.
Jesus wants me to come to him and take his yoke and burden, for his is easy and light. He promises rest.

The problem is, I dance between running to Jesus and trying my hardest to be the best Bridget I can be, so that everyone will be proud of me, and if I am poor no one will blame me because I tried my hardest.

But God reminded me the other day that I do try my hardest. And that I am an adult. And that he loves me.

Just as I am.

Weary. Strong. A mess. All together.

He loves me.

And he’s also taking care of me. He’s keeping me safe. He’s teaching me, and opening up opportunities, and introducing me to new people all the time. He’s giving me little gifts here and there, and challenging me to rethink my perspective about myself and my life.

With all of that has come much freedom. So I want to say that when I finally realized I was weary, I felt free to admit it. Right now, I am weary. But God is good. And he wants to lift my burdens.

So, if by the end of October I have no deficit and I’m at 85%, I will know it was all God’s doing, not mine.