New Transitions Counseling Center’s mission is to help individuals and families uncover their true potential and lead lives that are more connected and fulfilling through couples therapy. Oftentimes we believe we’re getting the fairytale when we get married. You know — meet “the one,” have a whirlwind courtship, get married and live happily ever after. What the fairytales don’t tell you is that relationships take work. The question is: when do you know it’s time to consider marriage counseling or couples therapy? Here are some trigger points and behaviors that are signs you may need help.

You’re not talking. In all honesty, many relationship challenges are simply challenges in communication. A therapist can help facilitate new ways to communicate with each other.

When you do speak, it’s mostly negative. Negative communication can include anything that leaves one partner feeling judged, shamed, disregarded, insecure or wanting to withdraw from the conversation. Negative communication also includes the tone of conversation because it’s not always what you say, but how you say it. Negative communication can escalate into emotional abuse as well as non-verbal communication.

Are you afraid to talk? When it’s just too frightening to even bring issues up. This can be anything from sex to money, or even annoying little habits that are being blown out of proportion.

Is affection being withheld as punishment? If one partner starts to act as a “parent” or “punisher,” there is a lack of balance in the relationship.

Do you see your partner as the antagonist? You and your partner aren’t adversaries, you’re on the same team and should act like it.