I’m only three months pregnant, but honestly this sub freaks me out a little. Maybe more than a little. I love my husband, but we have our problems and we had only been married for a few months when we got pregnant. And I’m 23 and giving up medical school for this kid b/c it’s not like I can do both right now and my husband (unlike me) is already making money. I love my husband to death but I’m so afraid that we won’t be able to survive this. I don’t want to end up like my parents. And I’m pretty sure statistics are not on our side with this one.

I don't know anyone with a baby. None of our friends are even married. My sister's a month further along than I am, but I can barely get her to acknowledge my presence, so we're not going to be having any heart-to-hearts about our bladder control problems.

And I read the stuff about people complaining about their husbands and I start wondering if that's what hes going to be like. He's responsible but he's spoiled too. And am I going to hate him for not taking care of our kid enough? I don't want to a shrew like my mom and I don't want to be miserable and have my kids grow up hating me and thinking their dad is the fun parent when really I'm working my ass off. And I can't stand spending time with my mom.

And when I think about the stuff we already deal with, the idea of throwing a baby in the mix freaks me the fuck out. He works too much, my mom’s irritating, his mom is seriously ill, my sister’s a colossal bitch, I’m mildly neurotic, he's kind of spoiled, we both go out too much, and we don’t do laundry as much as we should. And sometimes we forget to feed the cat.

My husband’s best friend, who is basically my brother, showed up at our apartment at 3am and is currently snoring on our couch like fifteen feet from me. That’s not a thing adults do.

There have been times I honestly hated my husband. I remember once, the baby was screaming and wouldn't sleep, and he was out at a bar with his friends having fun, and I broke down and texted him something like, "What the fuck is wrong with you?" I never thought I would swear at him. We both have reputations for being very mellow and easygoing people.

There have been times he really fucked up, and was really shitty, and completely wrong. That sucked so much.

But there were also times when I was completely wrong, or completely an asshole. And he has always forgiven me and never once thrown it in my face. He has never threatened to divorce me or been a jerk just to get even. Even though he has totally fucked up before, he is a good guy, and a good husband, and a good father.

It is going to be hard, and you are each going to suck at it sometimes. Maybe even you will both suck at the same time. But marriage and babies are marathons, not sprints. You can fuck up sometimes, but you get up and you keep going.

You can only be proud of doing hard things. You only get stronger and wiser by doing hard things. Marriage and parenting are hard things. So when you do them well -- which you will, sometimes -- you can be proud of that. I'm more proud of the times we made it through rough patches than the times when everything was just easy. And I learned more from those rough patches than the easy times.

I love my husband and my daughter so much more than I ever thought I was capable of loving anything. My love for them is ineffable and it has changed me forever. And I think that's because of the hard times, not in spite of them.

Go ahead and be afraid. But don't be so afraid you can't enjoy yourself. This is such a special time in your life and it's unlike anything else you'll ever do. You have unimaginable fear and joy and love and pain ahead of you and there is nothing wrong with being afraid of that. But you will be ok. Now go feed your cat.

I think maybe you dont realise that even though a lot of the bitching that goes on here can be pretty extreme, we (for the most part), love our partners very much. This is a place for mothers to just let it all out and feel safe whilst doing so. Occasionally there will be a post that is from someone really strugglng at home and with their relationship and you can tell those apart from the others by the honest, actually helpful and caring replies instead of the usual "yeah fuck men/babies/kids, they suck" responses.

Ive done my fair share of complaining about things here, but my husband is amazing. Yeah, he could do one or two things around here more often or differently, but he loves me even when I am a mega bitch to him an when I dont pull my fair share of the work and he almost never fuckng complains about/to me. He is an amazing provider and I honestly believe he could do a lot better than me but too late now ahahahahahahahha.

Your hormones will be making you crazy right now and for a long time too, so take that into account when you start wondering about how a baby is going to shake things up in your life. My husband had everything housework related done for him by his mother and is the golden child so I knew what I was getting myself into. But it doesnt mean an old dog cant learn how a washing machine works.

I still dont do laundry as often as I should, ive got dirty dishes all over my kitchen, I havent mopped the floors in months. Yeah, I feel like I should act more like a grown up and do this sort of stuff, heck, im 30 now for fucks sake, but you know what? Its not the end of the world. My baby doesnt get into stuff he shouldnt and is happy and healthy and his daddy is pretty damn awesome 99% of the time. I've never believed that you should change who you are when you have a baby unless its something truly dangerous like hard drugs etc. The kid needs to learn to live with you guys not the other way round. If I changed that much I'd feel like I was living a lie every day.

You'll be alright. You're in med school, so join me on this nerdy analogy. Envision a sin curve. Parenting increases the amplitude of the curve. Your highs are higher and your lows are lower. To continue with my wonky math: Right now you probably both feel like you're doing 100%. Baby will have you both working at 150%, at least for the first few months, longer if baby is a bad sleeper (sorry!). Normally, if you're giving 150%, the logical conclusion us that your spouse must not be pulling his weight. But with a baby, you're both doing way more than you were before and when you're overwhelmed, it's easy to blame your partner. Try not to do that too much. And make time for date nights. You'll muddle through and figure out a system that works for you.

Keep in mind that people rarely talk about things when they're good, but this is a chance for us to vent when they're not.

Having a kid is hard and it changes your life completely. But in the long run it's all worth it. As nervous and scared as you are now that moment when you look into your baby's eyes and you fall in love with him or her you'll know that it's all worth it.

The great thing about this sub is that when you're freaked out, or you think you did something wrong, or you kid is or isn't doing something you think might be weird; no one will judge you here.

Okay, I had my son shortly before my 23rd birthday. I've been exactly where you are.

Were there times I wanted to choke my husband for being a complete douche canoe? Oh YES. I read some of these ladies' rants about their husbands and think "Ooooh preach it sister!" because I've been there and done that and it completely sucked.

There have been plenty of times that I've been drowning in irritating kid crap, house filth, worries and responsibilities and my husband has been a freaking thorn in my side rather than my savior or even minimally helpful in any way.

But, to be fair, I'm sure he's had similar feelings and thoughts about me at times. I'm not a saint. Not by a long shot. Any two people that live together are going to irritate each other, piss each other off, and drive each other crazy at some point. You will feel this way about your child sometimes too! And your child will feel that way about you at times.

So is your husband going to be like the husbands you see others ranting about? Almost definitely... at times. And you're going to be a complete cunt-bitch at times. And it will be okay. And sometimes your kid will be a filthy, ill behaved little terrorist. At that will be okay too. And you'll all still love each other.

As for being a shrew... Heh, it ain't all bad. I am definitely a shrew. I nag. I bitch. I even yell. Several times a day. I bitch at the husband and the kid about the wet towels on the floor, the mud tracked into the house, and GODDAMNIT can you bitches please take the trash out BEFORE it overflows! And yet, somehow, I'm the fun parent. I'm even my son's favorite, which has its own set of annoyances. Being a nagging shrew and being a fun mom, or even a fun wife, are not mutually exclusive.

You can yell at 'em all you want but as long as you take time out every once in a while to tickle fight or shoot them in the head with nerf guns, kiss the boo boos, give a long hug at bedtime and tell them you love them 6000 times a day, they know you don't actually want to string them up by their toes and beat them like a pinata.. the way you threatened to do after the 6th time they left the back door hanging open earlier today.

Are you responsible enough to handle this? You're as responsible as you have to be. I was probably the most responsible I have ever been when my son was an infant/ toddler. I was on top of everything and everything was super regulated... because that is what I had to do. Now that my kid is school aged, and our money situation is much easier... I am more lazy and irresponsible than I was at 19. Because life is much easier so I can be.

You will be surprised at the amazing feats you can pull out of nowhere for the sake of your child. There will be times where you will find strength you never knew you had and go all mamma bear on someone that crossed your child or got in the way of your child's well being. Hell, you be amazed at how little sleep you'll, somehow, be able to function on at times. And as much as the stress and the sleep deprivation will make you and your husband bicker over the dumbest shit and want to kill each other over nothing, it will bring you together in ways you never thought possible. That first year of parenthood is like boot camp. Once you survive it together, you'll be closer than you were before and you'll be ready for anything else life can throw at you.

You'll be fine. Your husband will be fine. Your child will be fine. Nobody has their shit all figured out before they have a baby. Hell, nobody has their shit all figured out after they have a baby. At this point, I'm skeptical that anyone ever has anything figured out at all about anything. I certainly don't. But we all manage to live a good life and be happy anyway. And you will too.

I got pregnant one of the first times my boyfriend and I had sex. At the time we were "hanging out and seeing what happens" because I was two years post-relationship with a real piece of work and still trying to stay emotionally distant. We had known each other a few weeks, maybe. I had just gotten back into college, and I was going on 10 years of having been given a prognosis of never being able to conceive naturally (and yes, we used condoms. 96% effective!). By the time we found out about her we were officially a couple and I had just recently been able to admit I love him.

She's a year old next month, we're madly in love with each other, and more importantly, our partnership is stronger than ever. I joke about my body knowing he was right for me even before I realized it. A baby is the kind of thing that acts like a crucible for a relationship - you'll either just barely survive or come out stronger than ever. Most of what you see on here is people venting with none of the insight into the happier moments. It's more joy than heartache if you have a good partner.

I got married at 19. Found out I was pregnant on our 1 year anniversery. I won't lie, it was hard being a mom so young. My husband and I have had some really hard times, but we were always able to talk to each other and he has always been my best friend. My husband always says "we'll be OK. We always are."

Going on thirteen years. People at the wedding said we wouldn't last the year (suck it Grandma!)

Doesn't mean he never pissis me the fuck off though. Move your god damn tools off the bench in the living room honey!

I was 33 when we got pregnant, married 11 years, and I felt like we were pretty unprepared too. We drank and partied and put off laundry too! I mean, you are postponing med school but you got in, shows you at least have the capability to dedicate a lot of focus to one thing for an extended period of time! And really you will step up without realizing you are. It just happens. I forgot to get my cats their shots for two years once, but I haven't forgotten to get the kid his shots yet. No promises on the husband but try and get him involved from the beginning. Mine stepped up in unexpected ways. He still leaves his damn socks everywhere but he's gone from nothing more complex than grilled cheese to making every meal the first two months the baby was here, without my asking.

I don't know what happened, but did you think abortion or adoption were in order when you got pregnant, or was it planned?

I don't ever suggest getting married to a person you're not sure about, because if you're expecting to "change" him, it's going to be a problem and backfire.

I'm sorry that you feel this way, and hopefully having this baby isn't going to make things more dysfunctional than they are. People's true nature comes out of them when they have a baby, and then people realize they weren't ever really fitted to have children before it's too late.

See, the thing about this place is that we need a place to bitch about the occasions when our husbands suck. They aren't always like this, mine is the most patient, loving, caring man I know. He is the most forgiving, the one person who I know will always love me even when I'm being a nutty cunt. He's the one that even when I'm SO frustrated with him I can't see straight, I love so much that i know I won't be pissed forever. I mean yes there are bad times but it's worth it. I can ask him a question and I know I'll get his honest answer.

Babies are scary anyway, but you'll be A OK.

In regards to being an adult? Husband and I just had this conversation not long ago. We were like "are we supposed to feel grown up yet?!" Because really I feel like a more broken 20 year old...and growing up I thought my parents had their shit SO together...but in reality age doesn't make your mentality and the way you feel any different. You've just seen more shit.

And when I think about the stuff we already deal with, the idea of throwing a baby in the mix freaks me the fuck out. He works too much, my mom’s irritating, his mom is seriously ill, my sister’s a colossal bitch, I’m mildly neurotic, he's kind of spoiled, we both go out too much, and we don’t do laundry as much as we should.

You will still be an awesome parent. You can do/deal with all of this and still be a great parent as long as you love your child and see to his/her basic needs.

And sometimes we forget to feed the cat.

Turns out that babies come equipped with a pretty effective warning sound when they need to be fed. =)

My husband’s best friend, who is basically my brother, showed up at our apartment at 3am and is currently snoring on our couch like fifteen feet from me. That’s not a thing adults do.

The big secret that all the grown-ups in your life didn't tell you is that no one gets a manual on how to be a grown up or an adult; we all just fumble through it as best we can, trying not to look like we don't know what we're doing in the process. And we're all afraid. The Worries may not go away, but eventually they will be at a more manageable level.

The fact that you're even concerned at all about how to be a good parent is proof enough that you will be a good parent. Trust yourself - I'm going to quote Dr Spock here and remind you that you know more than you think you do. Have faith in yourself. And come here when life is driving you absolutely batshit crazypants and you need someone who has been there, we'll be here for you. =)