LOTSA LITTLE BITS O' NEWS

We were on a pier,surrounded by water. I had just introduced this fine woman by the name of Janine to Greg...the handsomest member of The Wiggles and self-proclaimed leader.

Greg and Janine were hitting it off pretty well when the water started rocking the pier. Two battleships started coming our way and one of them leapt up on the pier and forced Greg, Janine and I to jump in the water.

Greg swam away screaming like a sissy while Janine screamed that she couldn't swim. So I grabbed Janine and pulled her to the beach. Once we got on the beach, she was sobbing hysterically with her head buried in my chest so I put my arm around her to comfort her.

Then my wife walked up and saw me sitting on the beach with my arm draped around this drop dead gorgeous babe.

Then I woke up, stumbled here and wrote about it.

I absolutely detest when people share their dreams on Diaryland. There's very rarely anything more boring to read than someone's goofy dream.

I'm blaming it on the massive amounts of Dots I had for dinner last night.

Forgive me.

We had three trick-or-treaters last night.

Not three groups...three kids.

I really didn't expect much. We're at the end of a long cul-de-sac where construction is still being completed. I didn't really foresee children walking the length of two blocks for a Tootsie Roll.

Next year will be different because all of the 12 houses on our street should be sold and inhabited. Kids can go from house to house and it'll be really cool.

Still...the three kids that DID walk all the way to our house got fistfuls of candy. I reached in that bowl with my big mitts and grabbed as much candy as I could and dumped it in their little bags.

The kids seemed less than impressed.

Andrew ran to the door to see what was going on and promptly dropped his flash cards all over the front porch which made him cry because his flash cards are his most prized possession now.

This gave the trick-or-treaters the opportunity to witness the biggest wuss in the neighborhood and target him for future beatings.

Way to go, son.

Way to get your future ass beat, dumbass.

They're FLASH CARDS, junior. Get over it.

Sheesh.

Went to turn our heat on for the first time since we moved into the house and instantly smelled gas. Then the heater shut off.

Called the people that installed it. And they were nice enough to just come on out to the house last night to fix it.

Apparently, they hadn't hooked up all the wires. The wires that ignite the flames inside the heater for instance. Completely forgot to hook those up.

Wow.

Kinda makes ya proud to be an American when you see fine American workmanship like that.

Heater guys installing heaters and forgetting to hook them up.

Thank God these guys didn't decide to go into the medical field.

"Mr. Smith, we removed your appendix but forgot to sew you back up. That explains why you're currently holding your own stomach in your hands."

Today's Andrew's birthday party at daycare.

It's hard to believe the little guy is two now.

Well...he'll be two tomorrow. But you know...he's technically two.

As Westburian kinda pointed out...some of you have been following the Andrew story since he was conceived here.

Well...he wasn't conceived "here" on this website.

But you know what I mean.

It's hard for me to believe that it's been two years since I wrote the letter to my unborn son...probably some of the sappiest writing I've ever done.

In my defense...I was all hormoney when I wrote that.

I mean...it's all true and shit. I still love my boy more than life itself.

But I think that letter was more a plea that God granted me a healthy child. Which he did. I was kinda freaking out since I haven't been a saint all my life and I've said some pretty shitty things about others all my life and wanted to wipe the slate clean with Andrew.

That happened.

And I stopped making fun of all the retarded fuckwits that piss me off in life.

Well.

Most of them anyway.

Sorry this was short and about as funny as staring down the barrel of a gun.

OH!!

Man...was "Survivor" cool last night or what???

When Jeff said "You just ASSUMED that you merged", I about shit my pants!!!