My girlfriend is frustrating me

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Ok. So i’ve been dating this girl for more than a year and 3 months and we’ve not had sex yet. I mean we’ve done every possible sexual activity from kissing to 69…everything except the penetration. She’s still a virgin. Every time we come close to it she screams and closes her legs. I mean we’ve tried so many times. The moment the glans is about to enter she changes the angle of her waist. I tried using my finger, same thing happens. Her PC muscles are always tense.
One day we when we were trying it i noticed her labia were spastic. She was literally vibrating from waist-down. I think she might have vaginismus (I’m a med student). We’ve tried different sex positions but she keeps shifting and closing her legs. It’s really frustrating. She says it’s painful (I’m 8″+) I asked her to see a gynecologist but she refused. I’m getting tired.
I’m not saying the relationship must be about sex…but come on…it’s really frustrating. I really need good advice here

How old are you? Losing one’s virginity is a big deal, but it sounds like you’ve been rather patient. Give yourself a time frame regarding how long you’re willing to wait for her to come around. Be up front with her. Ask her when she thinks she will be ready and decide from there. Communication is everything!!

You are still a patient man, maybe there’s a trauma behind her awkwardness in bed, you should ask her, or since you ask her to see specialists then she should at least comply to your request so you will find possible solution to your sex problem. If all her negation frustrates you even more then you should tell her what you feel. Good luck!

Wow! That is a challenging situation! You have reason to be frustrated and also quite concerned. There could be a couple of things going on, so it’s her job to figure it out, or she will lose you. She could have a history of sexual abuse….whether she is aware of it or not is a factor. She definitely is having a physical reaction regardless….what the source is could be emotional or a physical source of inflammation, so seeing a specialist is a good idea. If she refuses, there definitely is something she is hiding from you or there is something she is hiding from and doesn’t want to face it for fear of finding something out. If there is a history of sexual abuse, you might be able to see some symptoms in the other areas of her sexual activity with you. Things like….acting. She may be making noises and doing all the right things, but you cannot actually feel her passion behind it. She may always need to be on top or the one doing things to you. The moment you try to do

things to her, she may let it happen for a short period of time but then finds her way back to being the person in control doing things to you. Does she ever climax? Does she ever initiate with you or are you always the one initiating? Is she pretty comfortable being adventurous or does she feel tense?

Either way, she is terrified of something. I’m just going to throw this out there….maybe she isn’t a virgin and doesn’t want you to find out. Maybe she was raped as her first time and is so ashamed and embarrassed and never told anyone. That type of scenario is sadly not uncommon.

For you….my suggestion is to approach this very gently. This issue is not different than any of your extremely challenging issues you have had to face in your life. When dealing with that amount of fear, you are dealing with something extremely sensitive and fragile. You may be the one person who can help her face whatever it is. I suggest sitting down and having a chat. Yes….sex is

involved in this case, but it goes way beyond that. You need to know that you are with a girl who can face her issues. A relationship CANNOT and WILL NOT move forward if there is an issue that is causing damage and there is not movement through it. She needs help, whatever that may be. You need to know that you can count on her to face her issues. If she is not willing to face this, then you know she would not be willing to face other problems you guys end up having….which you then have to ask yourself if you want to be with a woman like that? Do you want to be a woman who is a victim to her fears and not willing to face them? So this is not about the sex….this is about a need that you have….intimacy is important for the growth of a relationship. Do you want children someday as well? These are all things to think about and potentially discuss with her. If she is not willing, then you have a tough choice to make. You must accept her for who she is choosing to be,

so you either stay with her and deal with it, or you leave. Do not get frustrated with her after this point, because YOU are the one choosing to stay, so if that is the path you want to take, it is upon you to make yourself happy with what you have chosen. Good luck!

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