Cain: "Twenty-Seventh Accuser Is Lying"

Special to INS - In the wake of yet another former employee of the National Restaurant Association stepping forward and accusing Herman Cain of sexual harassment, the presidential candidate declared that "the Democrat machine has shifted into high gear." In an interview with MSNBC's Ishmel Arat, Cain denied having groped the accuser: "Have you seen her? That pig should be honey-baked, chopped up, and sprinkled on top of a Godfather's Super Hawaiian pizza."

The latest accuser, Velvet Tweeters, now a mermaid at Weeki Wachee Springs in Florida, had this to say about the incident: "Mr. Cain used the same approach he did with all the other gals. He said, 'You're about the same height as my wife,' and leveled his hand at chin height. He then lowered his hand to his waist and said, 'But I wish she was this tall.' I told my supervisor, but he said it was just Cain's way of making people feel at home."

The steady flow of Cain accusers has dominated network TV for the past month, so much so that Mexico's invasion and subsequent annexation of Texas has gone unnoticed. Texas governor Rick Perry is now in custody in the Juarez city jail entertaining his fellow cellmates with a reenactment of his much-loved New Hampshire speech. That speech inspired candidate Mitt Romney to show off his Macarena dance skills at a campaign rally in Iowa.

Rumors that Romney is considering Cain as his running mate are circulating inside the Washington Beltway. Romney aide Torvid Hinckley thinks it appeals to the basic tenets of Mormonism and Christian fundamentalism: womanizing and closet drinking. "The Mormons would love it," said Hinckley. "It's a great opportunity to bring back polygamy and restore women to their rightful place in society-on their backs and in the kitchen."

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