The mess that is Metal
Gear Rising: Revengeance starts with its name, which has to be one of the
most awkward game titles in recent memory. Can we just call it Metal GearRising? I mean come on, “Revengeance” isn’t just extraneous, it’s
also too extreme of a bastardization of the English language to take seriously.

4. The Unfinished Swan – Every now and then, a game comes along and tries something completely unique with old game standards and absolutely nails it. Like Journey, The Unfinished Swan can be considered an art game – especially given that it takes place inside a painting – but it’s not just thought-provoking, it’s a lot of fun to boot.
Giant Sparrow

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Beyond that, this is a game that bears almost no resemblance
to previous entries in the long-running Metal Gear action-stealth series, which
has amassed a legion of fans since its 1987 debut. If only that was, ahem, Rising’s worst crime.

Bad writing and voice acting, uninteresting linear environments,
camera problems, dumb enemies and nonsensical action that is also insanely
difficult to combine into a game that is thoroughly un-fun and a chore to get
through. It’s enough to send you scrambling back to older games in the series,
to get the sour taste of this one out of your mouth.

Intended as a spinoff from the main series, Rising stars Raiden, a cyborg ninja in
the employ of private military contractor Maverick Security. He’s been an
erstwhile ally of long-time series protagonist Snake, but now he finally gets
his own time in the spotlight.

Raiden’s mission sees him on bodyguard duty to an African
dignitary, who’s pushing for peace in his region. Rival army-for-hire Desperado
Enterprises, however, thinks universal harmony is bad for business, so they stir
things up by taking out our hero’s charge.

As a former child soldier in Liberia, Raiden is shocked to
learn that the bad guys are brainwashing kids to help carry out their schemes.
Like any good Stallone movie, his mission to stop the evil mercenaries
isn’t just business – it’s personal.

He’s helped in his quest by several allies who communicate
over the Codec video conferencing app, one of the few connections to other
Metal Gear games. Among these are Boris, the imaginatively named Russian
representative of Maverick, and the equally imaginatively named Doktor, a sort
of James Bond-ian Q, but German.

The chatter between characters is ham-fisted and cheesy,
with more than enough machismo and gravelly voices to go around. (Okay, maybe
it is like other Metal Gear games?). The terrible lipsynching doesn’t help.

Unlike other entries in the series, Rising requires virtually no stealth. It’s a button-mashing hack-and-slash
game along the lines of Devil May Cry, Bayonetta or even God of War. Raiden
must slice and dice his way through a horde of cyborg enemies, all the while
gaining experience points that can unlock new ability upgrades and weapons.

Sure, he can sneak up on enemies and take them out with a
single button push, but this only serves to show how stupid the artificial
intelligence is. With his clumsy cyborg feet, Raiden positively stomps around
like a metallic elephant. This theoretical impossibility of sneaking up on
people would make him the world’s worst ninja, if it weren’t for the fact that
all of his opponents are clearly deaf or brain dead.

The central fighting mechanic of the game is Blade Mode, a
slow-motion state that – once activated – allows Raiden to slice specific body
parts. In doing so, he can chop off sections of enemies that give him more
experience or health recharges.

Long-time Metal Gear developer Kojima Productions gave up on
the game back in 2010 because it wasn’t sure it could make that central concept
interesting. Platinum Games eventually took over, but Kojima’s fears ultimately
proved correct. The slow-mo slicing mode is inaccurate and unwieldy, leading to
just as much button mashing and frantic thumbstick wiggling as regular combat.

Those regular fights, against nameless cronies, are perhaps
the most interesting part of the game. It’s in these skirmishes that Raiden
gets to kick butt, showing off his flips and whirling katana skills. Combat
eventually gets simple, though, once you figure out that his ninja slide move is
pretty much unstoppable.

Battles shift in tenor, however, when it comes to level
bosses. Whether it’s a cyborg panther or Samuel Rodrigues, the head honcho
samurai bad guy, the difficulty ramps up significantly. And I mean
significantly. I spent hours getting trounced in boss battles (on medium
difficulty) before figuring out enough of the particular opponent’s attack
patterns to finally squeak by. Some people will find this hugely satisfying – I
found it extremely frustrating.

Topping these boss fights off is the ludicrous soundtrack,
which shifts into high-tempo Euro-Asian Power Metal that Yngwie J. Malmsteem
would be proud of. Having to listen to these grating, nonsensical songs over
and over while trying to beat the bosses is an entirely new kind of hell, an
achievement Platinum Games shouldn’t be proud of.

The fights aren’t helped by camera problems. Unlike other
hack-and-slashers that take a wider view of the action, Rising’s camera focuses tightly on Raiden, making it hard to see
his surroundings. Locking on to bad guys also means you end up fighting the
camera’s orientation, which is doubly frustrating.

In between the regular and boss battles – and sometimes in
the midst of them – there are the incomprehensively over-the-top set pieces,
like when Raiden jumps from one airborne missile to another in order to chop an
attacking helicopter in half. It’s pure anime cartoon action, which is woefully
out of place in a story involving war-torn Africa and child soldiers.

On a mechanical level, these sequences also combine with
environments that are tightly laid out and scripted to constantly remind you
that you’re in a game, and a pretty silly one at that. You may find yourself in
an impressively rendered city, but invisible walls keep you on the game’s
well-worn path and away from any sort of exploration. There’s zero immersion
here.

Much has been made of Metal
Gear Rising: Revengeance’s length in the run-up to its release. Developers
were forced to address the issue after an early reviewer posted a photo
claiming a completion time of five-and-a-half hours. Platinum explained that the game’s
counter doesn’t include cut scenes and only tracks the fastest play-through of
each chapter.

The
cut scenes, believe it or not, are relatively short for a Metal Gear game. But
I can certainly attest to the developer’s explanation. While my official
play-through time was about seven-and-a-half hours, all of the above factors
made it feel much, much longer. And not in a good way.

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