I turned the calendar page. It’s December and that can only mean one thing. It’s holiday time. Personally, I love this time of year. Look around, people are smiling and making plans to spend time with their family and friends. I am no exception. That said, interfaith holiday celebrations, something many members of my community have, can be challenging.

Each year, around this time, some families are conflicted. When one adult was raised celebrating Hanukkah and the other celebrating Christmas, holiday time can often be stressful, even for those families who have discussed these issue and made religious commitments.

If you, as an interfaith family, have decided to raise your children Jewish, what DO you do at Christmas time? Your in-laws celebrate. Other family members celebrate. And honestly, Christmas is EVERYWHERE. It’s in your face, even before Halloween. It’s beautiful (all those lights) and it’s fun — who doesn’t want a visit from Santa? What should you do?

Or, if you are a Jewish parent who has committed to raising your child in the Christian faith, should you skip Hanukkah all together? What about the holiday traditions you loved growing up. There are dilemmas everywhere!

My Belief

As a spiritual adviser for the unaffiliated and interfaith communities, this question is familiar to me. As a parent of a child who was raised in an interfaith family, this question is personal to me. And, as a grandparent of the most beautiful little boy who is being raised in an interfaith family, this question is current for me. However, my answer to the question is this: there is no right answer.

When this question is asked of me, I consistently deliver a single response. No matter what your decision, act with respect. While my beliefs and faith in Judaism run deep (I was raised in a conservative household and am a Cantor by trade), my respect for all religions and all people run equally as deep. We must, under all circumstances, understand that people have differing beliefs. Although they may not align with ours, it doesn’t mean that they are wrong.

That said, Understanding this may make the following statement easier to comprehend. “Although you have made a commitment to raising your child Jewish/Christian/Hindu/Muslim/Buddhist with your spouse; you must understand and accept that he/she has years of memories and experiences based in another religion. Those beliefs and his/her love of specific traditions don’t disappear, even if you make a specific commitment.” Honestly, I don’t really think they should. Our history (both religious and secular) shapes who we are; we should never turn our backs upon it.

My Advice

So, what should you do? Well, that’s a tough question. It depends on your beliefs. There are so many options.

Some Stories

For example, there is the story of my friend’s roommate. She was raised Jewish; even had a Bat Mitzvah. She met her husband after college. He was Catholic. At their wedding they had both a Rabbi and a Priest; I heard the ceremony was lovely. Prior to the wedding, they made a commitment to raising their children Jewish. They would have a Bris/Naming Ceremony and Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. Honestly, there is no debate, their children are Jewish. However, every holiday season there is a Christmas tree in their house. “Why”, you may ask? “Aren’t they raising their children Jewish?” “Yes, they are.” Understand, her husband is NOT Jewish. He grew up celebrating Christmas and has a lifetime of memories and traditions. She believes that having that tree celebrates him and allows him to share some of his holiday traditions with their family. She respects his history and shares that respect with her family, such a special thing to do.

Additionally, there is another family where the husband is Jewish and the wife is Christian. Again, they decided to raise their children Jewish. They have no tree; her husband felt strongly about this and she agreed. However, they spend Christmas every year with her family. There is a tree, stockings, Santa, and most importantly, lots of love. The children understand that they are Jewish, but mommy is not. And, they look forward to celebrating with her each year.

This begs the question, “would I be so understanding if Judaism was not the religion chosen for the children? My answer is a resounding yes! Why, you may ask? Because of that one simple word, respect. I respect the choices my friends and my community make; I will always honor them. Understand, people make decisions for a variety of complex and personal reasons; it is not my job to question those. I always counsel my families to discuss these issues early and often; and to anticipate issues along the way. However, I would never question the carefully made decision once it is final. I would respect it.

Finally, one additional scenario, what about that couple that decides to not choose, to raise their children with aspect from both religions. Well, here are my thoughts: I’m afraid that doing “both” puts the burden of future choice on a child, which represents their choice of one parent over another. In my home, we raised our children to be educated in only one faith, but we honored the non Jewish parent (their father) by celebrating his holidays, but we communicated that we chose for them to be Jewish. Children appreciate having definition – and feel more confident to make future choices knowing they had parents in agreement.

Interfaith Holiday Celebrations

In the end, regardless of your choices, I encourage you to stand by them, honor them and continue to build memories and traditions for your family for years to come. Providing your children a safe and harmonious place to celebrate who they are is important; and creating an environment of love serves as a foundation for how they will raise their children and celebrate holidays in the future.

Finally, respect your choices and the choices of others. Don’t judge their decisions or actions. Be a part of a holiday season that truly brings joy to all.

Happy Holidays!

For more information call me at 954-646-1326 I would love to learn about your family and share how I can work with you.

Shema Koleinu – 7 Magical Years

7.

The number 7 carries tremendous significance in both the Bible and in numerology. 7 represents completion, rest, and an opportunity to review that which we created.

Today, my heart soars as I celebrate #7 with my Shema Koleinu unaffiliated Jewish community in South Florida, with my father, Rabbi Steve, and while I don’t quite feel restful, perhaps that will be in store for me – soon.

In 2011, I had a vision, and after reaching a point in my practice where I had served enough unaffiliated Jewish families to warrant a gathering – I decided to put my own gathering together. Of course – in Cantor Debbi Ballard style – this couldn’t be just a simple gathering – this had to be AWESOME and AMAZING – in year 1!

I went in search of a physical space to hold this gathering, and saw many auditoriums and social halls that would hold the number of people I envisioned – and in my search, I found Miramar Cultural Center in South Florida. It was regal, majestic, and the moment I stepped in to the auditorium, I could see the entire service – and my dad and I on stage – and many many people – adults, seniors and children filling the audience.

Tonight, I will step onto that stage for the 7th year, and I am filled with so many feelings as I prepare my mind and body for this incredible job of leading my unaffiliated Jewish community in services.

I’ve accomplished A LOT in 7 years. 2011 was the beginning of my most dramatic growth, personally and professionally. I have watched many Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah students continue on through high school and college, and in my 12 year tenure, have now had the opportunity to perform a few Jewish-Interfaith weddings for some of those students. I have performed over 300 Bar Mitzvahs since that time (500 in total) and brought over 300 couples to the chuppah. I’ve welcomed over 100 babies into the world, and helped over 100 unaffiliated Jewish families say goodbye to precious loved ones.

The significance of #7

In the Torah, in the book of Genesis, the first book of the Five Books of Moses, we are taught about the creation; specifically – the 7 days of creation.

On each of the days. God created something specific, like the earth, the planets, the trees, the animals, the waters and the heavens. On day 6, God created man. And on day 7 – God rested, but it wasn’t just about rest.

The most important thing God did – as he did with everything he created is that he paused, looked back and reflected, and he said – “This is good”. It may not have been perfect, but it sure was good, and it was the vision God had, manifested into physical space, and sometimes, the manifestation of a vision is enough. Sometimes, it’s even perfectly imperfect.

What #7 means to me

Today, I look back at what I have created. Along with my dad, and even the help of my kids and some VERY significant congregants, I am so proud to say…
This. Is. Good.

Perhaps not perfect, but what good is perfection? Imperfect keeps me striving. Imperfect makes me feel alive – to greet another year – to keep going – to change things – to adapt. Imperfect encourages me to set new goals, and find new ways of doing what God has called me to do, and new ways of expressing myself in this awesome and amazing life.

7 – Looking forward

7.

This year has been turned a bit on its head with hurricanes, earthquakes, and political strife. But, we do the best we can, we look back and find better ways of being, and just for now – we rest, admire, and breathe.

I wish for all of you a year where you can look at your perfect imperfection – and breathe. Love what you have created. Feel the Divinity. Know it is yours. Make plans. Make changes. Thank you, #7.

I haven’t even begun to process the last 10 days, but I simply must express my heartfelt joy and appreciation for those who helped make it the most successful HiHo ever. Although I am completely exhausted, today, my heart is soaring.

First and foremost – thanks go out to my Dad, Rabbi Stephen Spiegel, who gave the most wonderful “not-sermon”, but rather, tidbits of the gifts of the Law of Attraction, teaching us always that instead of focusing on that we did wrong, that repentance is found through moving towards light, or what is right. At first, when he started speaking, I thought – oh good, now I can zone out for a second and get the rest of my thoughts in order for what is next, and when I realized I truly loved what he was saying, I was captivated. Dad, I don’t know where you got those words from. I can only hope that over these last 7 years you’ve actually listened to things I’ve been saying, but if those are your beliefs, and I do know they are – because look at the amazing things you have done with your life – I couldn’t be more proud of you. I love you.

Every spiritual leader needs a great team behind her. This year, I’ve worked completely alone. NO assistant, no volunteers, just me – and it has been extremely demanding. But this year’s team behind me has been my own children, who have stepped up to support their mom in the most incredible ways. Lauren Ashley Ballard – your enthusiasm, support, and never ending ear to listen and the way you and Jay Yarnold just move right in to take care of things I leave in my path have made this process so much easier. Trevor Ballard, your sense of independence and self responsibility has made it so much easier for me to focus on the job at hand, and we all can see what an incredible job you have done at taking life by the reins and making it happen for yourself. You have also been an incredible ear to listen and offered so much support and guidance, always having my best interest at heart. Who could ask for more?

At yesterday’s service I honored 3 groups of people, who in my world make my life what it is today.

And third – I honored the Non-Jewish parents who help support and raise Jewish families, because these parents rarely get the appreciation they deserve. It is not easy to be a non Jewish parent of Jewish children, but I love, respect, and admire those who do. Yesterday, I had the most special guest of honor stand on my stage. My ex-husband, Wayne Ballard, the most important non Jewish partner in raising Jewish children in my life, stood on stage with my parents, Lauren and Trevor, and Lauren’s finance, Jay Yarnold, who will also be a non Jewish father in a Jewish child’s life. Our family, standing together, was so moving – even for me – and the notes and emails I have received telling me how life changing and memorable that was for them was so inspiring.

I’m sorry to write a novel here – there are so many words I can write about the experience of these past holidays. Thank you to every family who joined us for the 1st time, and all those in between 4 and 5 years. No matter how challenging this life gets in between the holidays, it is weeks like the last 2 that remind me why, exactly, I do what I do. Thank you to everyone who inspires me to be who I am. I am filled with much love and gratitude.

High Holiday Worship Services with Cantor Debbi Ballard Begin for the first time

7 years ago, I performed my first wedding. 6 years ago, I performed my first Bat Mitzvah. Today, I am so proud to announce the official launch of “Shema Koleinu“, our non-profit synagogue-like organization that provides outreach to South Florida’s Jewish and Interfaith/Intercultural unaffiliated community. After several years of providing quality, meaningful life cycles for families who do not belong to synagogues, I wanted to do more. I wanted to mean more. I knew, that in order to truly be “My Personal Cantor”, I must provide everything a true synagogue did, but was committed to eliminating the membership, dues, and business aspect of the synagogue.

It was not only critical to provide meaningful life cycles, it was critical to bring my community a place of belonging, a place they could call their community, and feel great about building. We can create community by action, not by dollars. We can create community through mitzvah projects and group prayer, and not need to pay electric bills to do it!

But yet, we must build. Bringing my community an amazing High Holy Day worship experience was my priority this year, and I’m so excited to announce that I have contracted with the Miramar Cultural Center in Miramar FL, to bring West Broward its first meaningful, uplifting, and spiritually abundant High Holiday worship services for the unaffiliated. Regardless of your affiliation – or not – you can now worship and honor the new year with us, in a beautiful setting, with meaningful prayer and leadership. Our services will be family-friendly, so bring your children! And – we are even offering a tiny tot worship service for both Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

We need the community’s help in building something they can call their own! For more information, please contact Cantor Debbi Ballard at 954-646-1326. Watch for our official ticket sales announcement in the next few days, and please – let us know what you can do to help. This is not MY event – this is YOURS! Please come and be a part of something – REVOLUTIONARY! You’ll be so happy you did!

You would think it takes sheer genius, or a miracle, or a huge revelation, to truly cause a shift in someone’s life, right? Not so much. Try a simple, single act of giving, and see what that does – not only for the person receiving your gift, but for you – when you take part in authentic giving.

Since I live in downtown Ft. Lauderdale, I am constantly driving by the park on Broward, just east of Andrews, where countless homeless people live. When I moved here, I began cooking double batches of food, and as I cooked for myself, I would package the 2nd batch, and drop it off as I drove by, with plasticware, in disposable containers. (recyclable – for sure!) The first time I dropped off my food, I marveled at the impact it had on me. Driving down Broward, with tears rolling down my face, I felt a new gratitude that I had never felt before. Not grateful for the big things, but for the small things. That I had my own food, and water, and knew every day where I was sleeping, and that it would be warm and dry. It broke my heart that so many others had so much less.

At Purim, we give Shaloach Manot – Food Baskets – for the needy. With 62 children in my Hebrew School program, I wanted to organize an act of giving. Not an act of giving where we just dropped food off at a truck. Yeah, that’s good too, but – I wanted my kids to know what homeless people looked like. I wanted them to see that they were real people, people who might have just lost out on chances, and this is where they ended up, for now. I explained that sometimes, people choose this life, and while I wanted them to give to someone who had less than them, I did not want them to look at them with pity. Just look at them as people who have less, and no way to get what we have, and know that you are doing something good when you share it with them.

I organized a food drive. Asked every family to donate some food for baskets, to organize the baskets, and drive to downtown together, to drop them off. I told them we probably wouldn’t stay there, just long enough to share – and leave. Several families asked if I had press coverage. “No”, I replied – I didn’t want any. This wasn’t about me, nor was it about my kids, but it was about simply – giving. Nobody would know we were coming. No organizers were there to make sure it all worked out, but something deep down inside told me that the ultimate Organizer, Blessed be He, was going to take care of it all.

I got nervous. What if our giving caused a riot? What if we didn’t have enough to go around and something bad happened? What if my innocent children who I brought to Ft. Lauderdale with their families experienced a good plan gone bad? Not today. It wasn’t going to happen. The Organizer was at work, making sure it was all good.

And so – we met at Dunkin Donuts, in the parking lot. I was overwhelmed at the number of families who showed up, brought amazing food, and even some extra friends to help out. Within minutes, my kids and my families put together 42 bags of food, and we kept some as leftovers, because I actually ran out of bags. (We’re doing this again on April 10th!) I wanted to take pictures, document the process, but I managed to catch a few quick shots, and they were all ready to go!

We got in our cars, caravaned down 595, and like a parade of cars, pulled in to the spaces that bordered the park. I jumped out of my car, and was just looking at all the homeless people, and was almost speechless. I was overcome with emotion, and didn’t even know how to start. Thankfully, a young man, who was sitting on a blanket came to me. I explained that I was a teacher, and in these cars behind me were my students and parents. That we just celebrated Purim, where we were thankful for our abundance, and wanted to show our gratitude by sharing our food with them. I told them we might not have enough, and asked them please kindly to share and make sure everyone got something.

Suddenly, every person in the park was standing around us – respectfully – eagerly – waiting to see what we were doing there. They heard my explanation, and I could immediately feel their incredible gratitude for just showing up for them at this moment. I then invited my kids to get out of their cars, and carry a bag to each person that was standing on the sidewalk, and suddenly, all of the people in the park began thanking my children profusely. Again – I was overwhelmed.

A nice looking man – actually he was fairly clean cut, and seemed to me to be “recently displaced” spoke up. He told my kids that they might not realize it, but that it only takes one person’s small act of kindness to change the world. Maybe not the whole word, but HIS whole world was changed today, and I suspect, so were many others. But you know what’s funny? I think for the people receiving the food, their day was changed. But for those of us who brought the food? That’s whose lives were changed the most.

Can you imagine the feeling of watching one of your precious students, clutching his mother, as he sobbed in her shirt, in despair for the unfortunate people whose day he just brightened? Well, not only was his world changed today, but mine was changed even more. To know that I just watched so many of my precious students, and their parents take part in true, direct giving – from their hearts, and from their wallets, was one of the most life changing experiences I have ever had.

I’m so thankful today. Thankful for my wonderful families. Thankful that for my $63 investment at BJ’s yesterday, I changed many people’s lives. Thankful that I saw giving as a pleasure, not as a duty. Thankful that I shared this moment with my students, and hopeful that they will always be inspired to give – more, and more often, to those in need.

We will be doing this again on April 10th, and if my friend Elizabeth has her way, this is going to become a monthly event – because truly – people are starving every day – right here at home. Not just on Thanksgiving or Yom Kippur, but every day – and because we can – we should make giving a daily event. Thank you to all who shared in today’s Mitzvah. I am truly grateful for having you in my life.