Wednesday, November 6, 2013

She is my Light

Originally submitted as an entry to Minding The Light, issue 15, which can be found here:I cried in the car recently. As everyone knows, cars have ano-crying-allowed rule.

My daughter has an ongoing tantrum problem, and we've been at wit's endtrying to figure out how to stop them, or at least shorten them. So whenTaylor told me she found something that helps her calm down, I was thrilled!She turned on the Ipad, and played an Alicia Keys song called "Never FeltThis Way". The song is about someone she loves, and how all she needs isthat person in her life. Taylor told me the song reminds her that all sheneeds are her parents, and that keeps her calm.

I told her that I have a song that reminds me of her as well. I had the CDin the car at the time, so I played it for her. I figured she'd like thesong, but I didn't expect her to ask me to explain why it reminds me of her.I told her I wasn't sure I could tell her without crying, but I'd give it atry:

"Taylor, for most people who believe in God, like you do, there are lots ofreasons to have hope. People who believe in God usually believe that God iswith them all the time, and that someday, after they die, they'll get tomeet God, and talk to God, and ask any kind of question they want to ask.

People like me, we don't have that kind of hope, as nice as it sounds. Andsometimes, it's hard to find reasons to stay happy about what's going on inlife. If we're sad about something, we don't have that magical idea to holdonto, that someday it will all be ok. For me, when I really need it, thehappiest idea I can turn to is you. You give me more hope, love, andencouragement than anyone or anything else in my life."

I Will Not Let Go, by David Bazan

When you get this messageI'll be high above the EarthThinking 'bout the promises that I keepWhen I touch down in TexasLand in Dallas/Fort WorthI will call you up, and wake you from your sleep.I will not let go of you

Who or what controls the fates of menI cannot sayBut I keep arriving safely home to youAnd I humbly acknowledgeThat I won't always get my wayBut darling, death will have to pry my fingers loose