I would have a hard time with keeping it, but being a female I think we "think/read" to much into things like this... a guy sees a laptop thinks oh she needs that...buys it...gives it...end of story for him prolly...we think oh no what does this mean? how will he feel if I can't buy him something expensive? does this mean we are now getting more serious? do I want to get more serious? till our heads hurt...while he is sitting over there already forgetting the gift and perfectly happy

I would have a hard time with keeping it, but being a female I think we "think/read" to much into things like this... a guy sees a laptop thinks oh she needs that...buys it...gives it...end of story for him prolly...we think oh no what does this mean? how will he feel if I can't buy him something expensive? does this mean we are now getting more serious? do I want to get more serious? till our heads hurt...while he is sitting over there already forgetting the gift and perfectly happy

That is SO true!

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Jan

When asking questions ALWAYS post the name and a link for the pattern if you have it.

Being in the computer field myself, I'm betting that this wonderful man got a good deal on it. But, IMHO, the cost of the laptop shouldn't be your first focus. He sounds like a terribly unselfish man and probably gets a big kick out of "gifting". How many of us women do the same? As my Mom always says, "don't look that gift horse in the mouth." I'm sure you accepted the gift with grace and humility and that's probably all he expected. Enjoy your new laptop and be happy that you've found a real jewel. Trust me, they are few and far between these days. You're a lucky gal.

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"The boisterous sea of liberty is never without a wave." Thomas Jefferson

Durring Christmas I pondered what to get FH (and everyone else). I thought and thought and finally found the PERFECT gift. He mentioned one time that he'd always wanted a pocket watch....something to pass down for years and years, generation to generation. Well his son is a JR. so I searched for the perfect watch. I found it, I had it engraved, I got a beautiful leather box for it. Wrapped it up, it looked so pretty! I was excited, couldn't wait to give it to him.

Of course I also got him long underwear (cause it's cold here), and some cologne, etc. Little things, things that he needed, not that he wanted.

He opened the gifts......"YES, LONG UNDERWEAR! OH I LOVE THAT COLOGNE"....then came the REAL gift, the watch....."Oh, uh, a pocket watch?!? Hunh? Why did you get me a pocket watch?" I explained my reasoning, I even showed him the spot on the back where he could engrave something when he gave it to Jr. He wanted it, he talked about it, he responded, "Oh, I was just saying that, it's not 1880 or anything."

I was devastated. He got me a jacket. A nice one but a jacket....why? Because "You needed a jacket! Why else would I get you a jacket? I don't want you to be cold." Three days later he says, "You know I liked the watch, I really did, but I didn't need it. The long johns though, those are great! Thanks baby."

Men and women.....we gift differently. Now don't get me started on the whole Men versus Women and what does cleaning the house really mean? Or the what to buy at the grocery store......

I say thank him, keep the computer. He was giving you something he saw you needed, it made him happy to give it to you. Just like you are aware of the disparity in your earning, so does he. It appears he doesn't care, it doesn't matter. Perhaps he's intimidated by your knitted gifts. I mean, that means you think about him, you spend time on him, you care. He sounds intelligent and thoughtful, he likely knows (or has an idea) about what goes into a hand made gift, and appreciates the thought, time, energy that you put into those gifts. Knowing that, he wanted to put in the same, but substituted time for money .

I say keep the computer. I used to work in electronics. So if he is in the computer field he probably got a REALLY GREAT DEAL anyways and it probably wasn't that expensive.

and as the other poster saw guys are the kind of gifters that get things that people need and he saw that you were happy and it would probably hurt the relationship more to give it back than to just keep it.

now splurge a little and buy some cashmere and make him a cashmere hat as a way of thanks and let him know its cashmere

I say keep the computer. I used to work in electronics. So if he is in the computer field he probably got a REALLY GREAT DEAL anyways and it probably wasn't that expensive.

and as the other poster saw guys are the kind of gifters that get things that people need and he saw that you were happy and it would probably hurt the relationship more to give it back than to just keep it.

now splurge a little and buy some cashmere and make him a cashmere hat as a way of thanks and let him know its cashmere

Yep, I would keep it and be grateful-my DH is a Computer Geek, and he *loves* to set people up with new systems-computers, laptops, whatever. And he gets really good deals, too.

I can understand why it might make you uncomfortable, but he's obviously very pleased with himself, and it makes him happy and proud to make you happy. That seems like a good thing-maybe you got lucky and this is just a naturally really generous guy (how cool is that!).

Definitely keep it. I think it would hurt him more if you gave it back. Men, so often, are so proud of the things they buy for their SO...kinda like cats...Ya know like when a cat catches a bird or mouse then brings it home to you and they are so proud because they brought YOU food??? haha

When hubby and I were first dating, he got me a 10 disc changer for my birthday (I think...lol...maybe it was x-mas). We hadn't been together for all that long but we knew we loved each other. I was floored when I opened my present. I felt horrible about it because there was no way I could afford something of that magnitude for him! However, he knew I really wanted one (all I had was a radio and cassette deck at the time...oh, and a portable cd player! lol) and it made him feel really good, and proud, to be able to get me something nice that he knew I wanted.

For a long time, I was always uncomfortable receiving things, even compliments. My mom compliments me a lot and in the past, each time she would, I'd get embarrassed and play it down...Like if she told me I was really pretty or something, I'd make excuses like, "Only 'cause I have a ton of make-up on!" stuff like that. One day she simply said to me, "Sara, you need to shut up and learn to take a compliment!" She didn't say it ignorantly, it was actually quite humorous...My family and I are like that...lol...Anyway, that really stuck with me. I had realized that for the longest time, I would always contradict any compliments I received. Eventually, I learned to just hold my breath and say thank you. I'm still not always comfortable receiving compliments, but I've learned it makes everyone happier to just say thank you instead of arguing it.

I think the same can be said of gifts. Usually when people get gifts for loved ones, they are truly proud of what they have picked out and look so forward to seeing that person opening their gift. It makes them, sometimes, happier than if they were receiving a gift themselves.

I think you should definitely keep it; I truly believe it will mean so much to him knowing how happy his gift to you has made you.

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"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."
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The Following User Says Thank You to saracidaltendencies For This Useful Post:

Letah - that sounds kind of like something that happened to me - I got a gift for my partner at the time after a really long, hard time in our relationship that I thought he would love because every time we went into a shop he thought it was great. When he opened it, though, he seemed quite taken aback and told me he thought I got him it because my ex liked similar things, and that he'd never use it. I was absolutely heartbroken, and I took it back because every time I saw it it made me think of this hurt.

Hamalee - I think letah might be right about the handmade stuff - I love nothing more than thinking about what someone would like and finding the perfect thing to make for them, and I've had friends feel bad because they 'just' bought me something. It's a shame, because I just wanted them to take pleasure in the gift, not feel guilty about anything or think that my presents somehow mean more than others. So he may be replying in kind to your thoughtful, handmade gifts, by giving you something from his field of expertise :-)