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Re: Don't know how I'm going to make it

Originally Posted by @llli*debbers

So much good advice, I thought I'd just tackle exercise. I never imagined how challenging it would be to work out as a working full time married mom to an infant, 3 dogs and 2 cats. I actually had no conception of the time an infant requires, especially when you're committed to EBF. I have been a dedicated athlete, swimming, running, Spinning instructor, gym junkie, right up to and through my pregnancy and I figured it couldn't be that hard to find time. Well it is ridiculously hard, but for my mental and physical well being I must so I set a realistic goal. 20 min a day. That's it. If I get more, great. If I get that 4X a week I celebrate.

This is pretty much my situation as well, and my goal is about 20 min a day! I do Jillian Michaels, I used to run 3 miles a day before my 2nd baby. Jillian is pretty challenging and you get very rapid results!

Re: Don't know how I'm going to make it

1.Mother Teresa must have been the one to say that BF was easy cause to me its not either . 2 I started using Fenugreek to help my milk supply for when I go back to work, and it has.
Sometimes my LB wants to stay on the boob all day and i think that he is not getting anything but I come to realize that he is just telling my body that he wants more. Your not the only one struggling so try not to stress cause that can hurt your milk supply and make your baby stressed too (know this from expirence ) I come to try the My body Knows what it is doing and my baby will lead the way !

Re: Don't know how I'm going to make it

It wasn't mother Teresa and NO ONE said it's easy. Just natural. And WAY easier when you accept it for what it is. This is the way mother nature intended it. You are supposed to be very close to your babies the 1st year of their life. That's it. Don't fight it. Don't try to make it not so. Accept it.

Re: Don't know how I'm going to make it

Thanks for all the responses.

I do struggle with anxiety, obviously, and it is especially strong when it comes to nursing. There's some pressure when it comes to maintaining my little baby's life. I find that it does paralyze me and make me somewhat of a homebody. I always feel more comfortable at home, as if I have a better chance of ensuring that he's getting enough if I don't have my husband pressuring me to continue on with our errands or whatever. I have seen a therapist before for my anxiety and try to use the tools I learned. Going on medication is not an option for me, as that would mean I would wean. Despite what any website or hotline says, I don't feel comfortable with exposing my child to psychopharmaceuticals. But, I'm not JUST experiencing anxiety because that's just who I am. There have been struggles pretty much all along the way. I started strong. I felt like I knew what I had to do. I hired an IBCLC immediately when I DS wasn’t gaining or pooping the first few weeks postpartum. I started seeking advice here on the forums when DS was 2 or 3 days old. I'm not someone who has needlessly worried. I would imagine that many people, even those who are not predisposed to anxiety, would be anxious when they're doing everything they're being told to do and their baby isn't gaining weight or pooping. Things have never been "normal". So, I understand that my anxiety is probably annoying to some of you, but unless you've had similar struggles with your baby gaining weight, I would appreciate you not judging me on how calm and collected I am throughout this journey. It is scary. There is pressure to maintain percentiles. And it is hard managing his intake so he's getting enough for adequate weight gain and overall health. The pressure to feed more solids and to transition to formula is everywhere and when my body isn't performing as it should on its own it’s hard to stay strong. That's not just anxiety. That’s also wanting to be a good mom. I obvious have stayed strong, as I know I’m giving him the best food there is, but I constantly wonder if that’s the right decision.

My husband and I haven't done the deed since June of last year. I was experiencing quite a bit of contractions at 34 weeks so there was some fear (on his end) that he would put me into preterm labor, and due to a history of severe disability due to prematurity on his side of the family, he wanted to abstain. And, since I went past my due date, I was BEGGING him to help get things going by being intimate, and he wanted nothing to do with it. Since DS was born, I've made the decision to not go on the mini pill and am not interested in an IUD. I have advised him on several occasions that he needs to buy condoms. Well, each time I've brought it up, he makes some smart-ass comment about not needing them because we don't have sex anyway. I've made it clear that I wasn't going to bring it up again. When he was ready to stop being a jerk about it, he could buy condoms and we could start up again. A few weeks ago he confessed that he's been dragging his feet about buying condoms because he feels it's just another thing that has to be sacrificed due to breastfeeding. Things obviously need to be improved in that area and I would imagine that as we get closer to the one year mark for DS, things will only get better with DH. Starting last week, his mother will be coming over to watch the kids so DH and I can go out to grab a bite to eat on Wednesday nights.

At the end of December I discovered DS’s ULT and PTT. It made a lot of sense because I was on the couch nursing for hours every day after work. DS always fell asleep nursing, and despite pretty much constantly nursing he wasn’t gaining weight. From Dec 18-mid January he’d only gained 5oz. so, I immediately called our IBCLC and scheduled an appointment with a pediatric ENT outside of our med group. I think on Jan 23rd DS’s ties were clipped. Things got worse before they got better, as the IBCLC that was helping me was awful. Despite everything I’d read here, she advised that DS should have been getting 6oz per feeding, that I should space daytime feedings 3 hours apart, I should limit him to 30 minutes and that I shouldn’t worry about how long I went at night without nursing. So, obviously this contradicts everything I read here, but she was the professional. If I was giving her $50-100/ hour, I felt like I should at least try to do what she recommended. Well, I did and my supply went down. Obviously. I voiced my apprehension and doubts to her all along the way and she assured me that most nursing moms could make 6oz every 3 hours. Needless to say, I stopped seeking her help and following her advice. I was actually encouraged to report her to whoever is responsible for certifying IBCLCs by a few IBCLCs on the tongue tie support group FB group. It was recommended that I start on solids a little early due to the weight gain issues, and to start off with a fatty/caloric food, so we started giving DS avocado at about 5.5 months. He now gets two solids per day. So far, he hasn’t dropped any of his feedings.

I read here on the forums all the time people claim it’s easier to breastfeed that to bottle feed. People discuss not having to carry formula, water and bottles when they’re out and about, or worry about buying formula and having clean bottles. People say that it’s easier at night because you don’t have to get up to make a bottle. It is easier in that respect. Way easier. So, I do agree with those women. I love each of those things. However, I think it would be a lot easier to just get up and go if either 1. Baby was gaining beautifully and supply was not an issue or 2. I was giving him formula. The ease of being portable or not having to get out of bed at night is quickly ruined when your child isn’t gaining weight. I have to throw in here, because I know some people are already shaking their head at that comment, that I understand that I’m not breastfeeding to make my life easier. If that was the case I would have quit a long time ago. I know it’s for the health of my child… and me. However, I thought I would feel a little freer than I do.

And... about being able to go with the flow. Obviously if you haven't had supply issues or weight gain issues, you aren't going to stress about the various aspects of breastfeeding that are known to combat both of them. That isn't a gift. It's a lack of necessity. I'm not saying breastfeeding is any less of a commitment when you don't worry about those things. But, I am saying that if following your baby's cues leads to weight gain and a healthy supply, is it not obvious that you aren't going to stress as much as a mom who cannot rely on her baby's cues for weight gain and supply?

You all are right when you say that I would regret the decision if I decided to wean. I think I was having a particularly rough day when I made the initial post. It’s also reassuring to see that other people feel similarly, even if it isn’t that bad.

Re: Don't know how I'm going to make it

Originally Posted by @llli*alilwest

Thanks for all the responses.

And... about being able to go with the flow. Obviously if you haven't had supply issues or weight gain issues, you aren't going to stress about the various aspects of breastfeeding that are known to combat both of them. That isn't a gift. It's a lack of necessity. I'm not saying breastfeeding is any less of a commitment when you don't worry about those things. But, I am saying that if following your baby's cues leads to weight gain and a healthy supply, is it not obvious that you aren't going to stress as much as a mom who cannot rely on her baby's cues for weight gain and supply?

I think we may have talked about this before Aililwest, but I can see from that post that you see this entire journey as tumultuous and I am sorry you view it that way. I understand how scared you were in the beginning. And I agree any new mother would have been. But I also remember there weere a bunch of things that you aren't listing here that had to do with things that weren't being done. You were co-sleeping with your toddler instead of your newborn. You weren't feeding enough times a day. So you weren't getting enough cues because your baby wasnt't being given enough opportunity. And as soon as you rectified that, you were able to stop supplementing. And when you were concerned AGAIN, you simply added in one more feed a day and he started gaining again.
In terms of the rest, I DID have a baby that gained easily. But I have been here and been part of my local LLL groups and I have seen PLENTY of small babies with mothers who aren't stressed and fantasizing about how much easier and better things would be if they weren't breastfeeding. Including one of my best friends from this forum who couldn't nurse her preemie for about 6 weeks and who was always small and my sister whose child just Tuned one this month and just moved into 6-9 month clothing because she just tipped the scales at 15lbs.
And in terms of "pressure" to hit or maintain percentiles....from who? Your baby is BIG. He's always been big. You were never in any danger of him falling off the charts. His slip in percentiles in completely normal in terms of where he is. I KNOW that we have discussed that ALL bfeastfed babies slide in percentiles between 6-9months because they get moving.

Re: Don't know how I'm going to make it

Originally Posted by @llli*alilwest

gaining weight, I would appreciate you not judging me on how calm and collected I am throughout this journey. It is scary. There is pressure to maintain percentiles. And it is hard managing his intake so he's getting enough for adequate weight gain and overall health. The pressure to feed more solids and to transition to formula is everywhere and when my body isn't performing as it should on its own it’s hard to stay strong. That's not just anxiety. That’s also wanting to be a good mom. I obvious have stayed strong, as I know I’m giving him the best food there is, but I constantly wonder if that’s the right decision.

You'll get no argument from anyone here about the pressure about solids. Or formula. But the part I bolded IS in fact the part that takes us back. We all want to be good mothers. You body IS performing and in all situations where you have given your child enough opportunites to feed is HAS done enough. Even if it's upset you to be strapped to the couch and bed with him your body has in fact worked. And if you KNOW you are giving him the best food there is WHY are CONSTANTLY questioning the decision?

Re: Don't know how I'm going to make it

And on the sex front. In terms of fighting about condoms and sacrifices HE has to make in terms of breastfeeding, blowjobs. No condoms needed and any bitter your DH is feeling will be IMMEDIATELY rectified. I don't like to talk to much about sex on the public parts of the forum. But you wrote a whole pargrath so it's clear that is weighing on you. And Blowjobs are the quick and easy cure. Which really take very little energy or effort on your part. Try it on your "Wed date". See if he isn't less sour immediately.

Re: Don't know how I'm going to make it

Sometimes your sexual menu has to be more varied than just penis-in-vagina. There's a Relationships and Sexuality subforum for this sort of chatter, if you're not comfortable putting it out there in the more public areas. You know, if you're a shy flower like DJs.mom.

I don't think anyone feels like your anxiety is untethered to reality. That's the big problem with anxiety- it can take your real problems, whatever they are, and magnify them.

You're a great mom, Alilwest. If you switched to formula today you'd still be a great mom.

Re: Don't know how I'm going to make it

Originally Posted by @llli*alilwest

So, I understand that my anxiety is probably annoying to some of you, but unless you've had similar struggles with your baby gaining weight, I would appreciate you not judging me on how calm and collected I am throughout this journey.

oh, mama, i wasn't judging or annoyed by your anxiety. i'm WORRIED about you and want you to get the help you need!