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Monday, October 19, 2009

What Sucks…Sharks!

After a Sea World employee in Scotland was bitten by a shark in an aquarium yesterday this UK based website labeled the story as “weird”. Obviously they either don’t know what a shark is, or do not label stories that appear on their website under the title “not-surprising”. So, reason 3788 that sharks blow- you don’t even have to be in the ocean to be bitten by one.

Yes, you would think you are relatively safe from shark attacks if you were either A) in the United Kingdom, B) at a Sea World or C) at an aquarium, but it turns out none of that is true.

And apparently, this particular shark- an “angel shark” or “monkfish” is known for ambush attacks, where it basically hides under something till its prey (read: anything it wants to bite) comes close enough for it to spring. Apparently, they grow close to 5 feet most of the time and even though they can look like a ray, trust me it is a friggin’ shark and will kill you.

The good news is, these sharks take a long time to reproduce and a substantial time to mature once they are born, so if we kill a bunch of them quickly- with bombs or Sarah Palin in a “water-plane”, we have a good shot at wiping them out! RECORD SCRATCH!

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What Sucks Mission Statement

Suckiness surrounds us all, gripping us in a vice-like hold, with the ferocity of a bear trap made of shit. My mission? To offer insight and shed understanding on the vast, seemingly endless, black hole of crap each one of us has to face on a daily basis. And while that torrent of bullshit is both mammoth in scope and unyielding in its advance, at least here it can be called it out for what it is- a lot of shit that really sucks.

So join me- everyday I’ll shine the spotlight on something that sucks. And your comments, until you weird me out, are always welcome. That being said, thanks for stopping by and sorry everything sucks so bad.

About Me

Chris DeLuca is a writer/ producer/ comic currently living in Hoboken, the Prague of New Jersey. He's written for a bunch of TV shows you probably have not watched or heard of (United States of Hip Hop, Nikki & Sara Live, Mob Wives Reunion, BET's Don't Sleep, and Fuse News- see?) as well as Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn, Best Week Ever, Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson and the 12/12/12 Concert For Sandy Relief. He was also the "World's Oldest Intern" on VH1's Big Morning Buzz. In 2009 he created, wrote and starred in the hilarious, and subversive “Mocap, LLC" on Spike. Sadly, he thinks he caused his parent's divorce.