Date: Wed, 30 Jun 2004 11:12:47 -0400
From: Jeff Wilson
Subject: W.A.R. Part VI - Chapter 2
W.A.R. Part Six - Commencement
Chapter Two - Runaway
by Jeff Wilson
I walked with my bag of stuff up into the woods and straight to the
only person I could think of to help me. Brett. I was leaving my house
and I had no intention of ever going back. I was almost eighteen. I could
take care of myself, I just needed someplace to hang for a few weeks to get
on my feet.
I walked through the cold December air through the woods and into
Brett's back yard. I walked to the house, opened the door and walked in.
I had long ago quit knocking when I went to his house. I walked into the
kitchen and found Dr. Reilly cooking lunch. She immediately noticed that I
was upset.
"What happened?" She asked even before I could say anything.
"Mom knows." I said angrily. "Who knows for how long... Probably
for a while now. She took me to her church today and outted me."
Brett walked into the room at just that moment. "Who outted you?" He
asked.
"My mother." I replied. "Oh, and she outted you too."
"No way!" Brett said, stunned. "How did she find out?"
"I don't know. But I'm not staying there anymore. I've had it.
First dad, then Dave, now this. I can't live with that shit anymore. I
really can't." I brushed my eyes quickly and felt my contacts burning
because I was holding back tears of anger.
"Billy," Dr. Reilly said calmly, "you're too emotional to make that
decision right now. You need to calm down first. I'll call your house and
let them know that you're here. Then you can stay here for tonight."
"What about tomorrow?" I asked.
"Hopefully we can get this settled by then. In the meantime, why
don't you sit down and rest for a little while. Have you had anything to
eat today?"
"I'm not hungry." I said.
"Well, eat anyway. You're going to waste away. You weigh less than
me and I'm five inches shorter than you."
Dr. Reilly took the phone and walked into the living room while I sat
there with Brett.
"What are we going to do?" I said, no longer trying to keep myself
from crying. "Now everybody's going to find out."
"Yeah, that's probably true." Brett said.
"What are we going to do?" I moaned, my voice breaking.
"Well… You know Billy, maybe it's a good thing that this happened."
I stared blankly at him. "Brett, no offense, but that's the stupidest
thing you've said in years."
Brett laughed even though I'd just insulted him. "Well think about
it, knuckle head. Who's the one person you've been afraid would find out
all this time?"
"Well my mom… but…"
"Well now she knows. So the hardest part is over now. There's no one
to be afraid of anymore. Frankly, everybody important knows anyway."
"Brett, you don't get it. You just don't care if people know about
us."
"That's right. If people don't like it, fuck 'em. It's our life.
I've always been proud that you're my boyfriend. I thought we were only
hiding it because of your mom. Aren't you proud of us?"
"Well I am but…"
"Then who gives a shit if people know? Hell, I want them to know! I
want to get on the loud speaker at school and announce it to the whole damn
school. I love you. I love you, I love you, I fucking love you! I want
people to know that you're mine and I'm yours and I don't give a fuck if
people don't like it."
"But…" I started, but Brett put his finger on my mouth. I was
surprised that he did that. Then he took his other hand and gently wiped
away my tears. Then, softly, he leaned in and kissed me gently on my lips.
I closed my eyes and felt calm for the first time that day. He touched my
cheek and made me forget that his scruffy beard was scratching the hell out
of my chin.
We were interrupted by Brett's mom walking back into the kitchen.
Brett kept on kissing me even though his mom was in the room and I was
feeling incredibly awkward. Even though she had been more than cool about
us, I still felt odd when she would catch us in times like this. Brett
stopped kissing me, whispered in my ear that he loved me, and then asked
his mom what happened.
"There was no answer, but I told her to call as soon as she got my
message. I'm sure she'll know why."
"I'm not going back." I said.
"We'll deal with that later." Dr. Reilly replied.
"If you make me go back I'll just go live with Joey or Dustin." I
said. "I'll be eighteen in two weeks. I'll go get a place of my own if I
have to."
"Billy, you need money for that. You're six months from graduation
and then you're going to be going to college. If you move out now, how do
you expect to pay for it all?"
"Dustin's already got a job working for Mike's store. I could get a
job too."
"And keep up your studies to get valedictorian?" She asked.
"I don't care about valedictorian." I lied. Even through everything
that happened to me, that goal was always driving me. Getting
valedictorian was the key to my college plans. Brett's mom could afford to
send him to any school that he wanted, even though he was a "B" student on
his best days. But if I didn't get the scholarships that come from being
the valedictorian, then I was screwed. I'd have to go to some place
cheaper and be split up from Brett for months at a time.
"Bullshit." Brett said. "You care more about that than just about
anything. Billy… If she knows, she knows. Why not just stay for a few
months longer and get through this and then you'll be set."
"My dad didn't graduate, and he turned out just fine!" I said.
"That was a different time, Billy. Your father would have been
successful anyway because of his intelligence." Dr, Reilly replied.
I stood up and started pacing. "I can't go back there, guys. You
don't understand at all. It's not just that she knows. It's the fact that
she outted me in front of the town. No matter how she found out, she
betrayed me. Oh, and she's going to have her wacko friends pray for me so
I won't be gay anymore. How much you want to bet she'll try to put me into
a group or something? I'm not going back. Ever."
Just then, the phone rang. We all stared at it for a minute before
Dr. Reilly finally picked it up.
"Hello? Yes… Yes, he's still here. Oh? Oh! That's… yes… We'll be
waiting. Thank you, David. Goodbye."
"David? She had Dave call?" I said incredulously.
"They're coming here." She replied.
"Then I'm leaving." I said, grabbing my bag.
"Billy, please. Stay and work it out." Dr. Reilly said. But I
simply said thanks and walked out the door. I had only gone a little way
when Brett caught up and walked along side me.
"So what are you going to do, run away for the rest of your life?" He
said.
"I'm not going back there, Brett. If your mom doesn't want me here
then I'll find someplace where they do want me."
"And you're going to give up everything that you've worked for?"
"No." I stopped walking. "No. I can find a place. I can find work.
And I can keep getting grades. You don't understand how easy school is for
me. I can get good grades in my sleep."
"Well you're going to have to because you're not going to have any
time to sleep if you have to get a job to live."
"You don't understand."
"You keep telling me that, but you never let me try! I want to
understand, but when I do, you just close up. Sorry, I thought we were
closer than that. I thought we could tell each other anything. But ever
since your dad died you…"
"My dad has nothing to do with this. Just shut up okay! Just shut
the fuck up!"
"See what I mean? You can't even admit that he's gone. You've let
yourself waste away because you never eat. You haven't cut your hair.
Your place is a mess. You wore those clothes yesterday. You treat other
people like crap. I mean… It's like you're the one who died."
"Maybe I wish I had." I said.
"Billy! How can you even think that? Especially after Dustin. Look…
I know you and your dad were close. But do you really think he'd want you
to act this way? He'd be the first one to tell you to knock it off. He
loved you too much to let you do this to yourself."
"You don't know anything about what my dad would do. He's my dad, not
yours!"
"Fuck you for saying that! You know what he meant to me. Just
because you're hurt, doesn't give you the right to try to hurt me."
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." I said.
"You're damn right you shouldn't have said that. Maybe you think you
can be an asshole because you're in pain, but you…"
"I said I was sorry." I interrupted.
"I know you are. But if you don't get yourself together you're going
to destroy yourself. Billy, just please come back inside."
"I… I can't. Listen, I know you were trying to help, and I love you
for it. But I can't deal with it anymore, Brett. Don't worry about me,
okay. I'll be fine. Just… Go tell your mom thanks. I'll see you later."
I kissed him on the cheek and headed back toward the woods.
"So where are you going to go?" Brett called.
"I'll try Dustin's. I just need some time to get things together.
I'll call your cell. Set it to vibrate in case my mom is still here when I
call."
"Okay. You better call me." Brett said as I turned and walked
through the cold and snow into the woods.
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
+ + + +
First of all... I don't often recommend stories. But when people ask, the
one I usually recommend is called "New Kid in School" and it is what you
would call a "Nifty Classic." It is written by a guy called Comicality.
If you've never heard of him then I really don't know what to tell you. He
just about wrote the book on this whole "gay writing as more than just jerk
off material" thing.
Well, my reason for talking about him here now is because he's going to
retire. Yes, I know he's only like twenty-something but apparently he
feels it's time to move on and separate the real guy from the person he's
created here on the internet. I respect his decision. He's given a lot to
people who he'll never meet and if he's decided that it's time to let it
go, then you have to respect his choice. It takes courage to make a
decision like that and let people know about it. So often people on the
web disappear, never to be heard from again. Comicality is giving us the
hope that he's going on to better things, that he didn't just drop off the
face of the earth.
I can tell you with all honesty that this story would not have been written
without Comicality's "New Kid." I found that story when it first started
way back in 1998. Here it is six years later and the story is still
inspiring future writers and readers. I remember the time when Ryan
punched Randy in the face and told him he hated him. I actually wrote my
own story based on Ryan's perspective of that event. I've never told
anybody that, but you are my friends. But I remember the feelings that I
got from the characters and the plot, and I wanted to write something of my
own creation because of those feelings.
So I just want to say a big "thanks!" to Comicality for having the courage
to share a piece of his soul with the world. I know now just how hard it
is to put your heart into a creation and then put it out there for the
world to see.
It's not too late for you to let Comicality know that you appreciate him.
He's giving us a year actually. If you check out his website at
http://comicality.gayauthors.org/ You can check out the virtual library of
his work, and read for yourself his reasons for saying good-bye. I
certainly owe a lot to him. He inspired me to take the risk and put my
story out there. Thank you Comicality, where ever you are!