What to do when you are in love with someone other than your spouse?

Asked Sep 26, 2008, 08:36 PM
—
22 Answers

Been married 20 years... ups and downs... but a long time ago I met my soulmate. We've tried to stay away from each other, but we always find a way to reconnect. I love my spouse but haven't been "in love" FOR A long time. I tried to tell him that I didn't love him the way I should and he just thinks I'm going through a tough time right now. How do I break it to him that life is short and we should move on? I want him to be happy and find someone that will love him the way he's meant to be loved. I truly don't want to hurt him, but, recently I've realized, after losing a young loved one that life is short and I want to move on to be the person I've wanted to be for so long.
Bottom line... how do I get out without hurting him.

I simply also stated the resons why he would be. However, you've been in love with someone other than you're husband and you expect she hasn't cheated? I'll leave it at that but really don't be so nieve.

Kitty- she said she tried to tell him that she doesn't love him, but that doesn't mean it changed his thinking. She also said that he said it was just a phase. He still thinks everythings all fine and dandy.

ANSWER to the Original Question: Best you can hope for is he doesn't go off the chain. You're going to be the villain in the divorce, you're going to stand to lose the most in the split as you have the other party involved whom you are in love with. You are going to hurt him, he is going to be pissed, and there's nothing more you can hope for. He'll try to put you through hell for you living this lie for so long. It's that simple.

Helpful

We'd like to understand what you find wrong with Revival's answer:

What's inaccurate about this answer? Say it in 25 words or less here and/or reply in the thread with more detail.
Please focus on the content not the person!

Link to a credible and well-known source. You can provide a URL or simply describe the source.

I think you owe it to your spouse to be honest. Look, you can take some advice and suggestions but at the end of the day it comes down to you 20 years is a long time but why put yourself through that if your not happy?It's not fair to you nor him. If you found your soulmate then you already know what your next step is going to be then... right? If I found my soulmate I would risk it all. Some people may not understand but as long as your happy and your with the person you truly love then nothing else matters. Hope this helps :)

Helpful

We'd like to understand what you find wrong with badbrains's answer:

What's inaccurate about this answer? Say it in 25 words or less here and/or reply in the thread with more detail.
Please focus on the content not the person!

Link to a credible and well-known source. You can provide a URL or simply describe the source.

Check out some similar questions!

We have been together for a few years now. I was wondering what might be the causes for the following: he in never interested in my day, valentines day birthdays go by for me without much notice, he has no compassion if I am upset or need him (which is not very often) he tells me to get over it. ...

All right, here I go not to sound stupid or ignorant but what is the word love mean and how would you express it to your partner in marriage.I was brought up in an era where love was known within a family but never shown,(at least my family-4rough mischieviouse boys) now all men and married and...

I have a relative, Cathy, with whom I am very, very close but I have never really connected with her spouse, nor have our other family members. Cathy is a very successful woman and both she and her husband are well educated and productive. They are both a little eccentric which is positive and...

Hi I have been married 21 years have four boys all pretty much grown, am working full time my husband works full time. Over the years he has lied to me numerous time about a lot of things. The past 5 years it's been his drinking. He uses money we don't have runs the credit card up. One month is...

I've been with my spouse for now 5 1/2 years. We have two girls. Oldest is 4 years old and the youngest is 2 years old. I am UNHAPPY in my relationship. The first year we where together, when I was pregnant with are first, I discovered that he was sending pornographic photos of him seft and his...