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Topic: Used it with little sis! (Read 7015 times)

DH and I are film buffs and have a large collection of DVDs (800+ not including box sets). We have no problem lending them to friends and family as they are always returned promptly apart from my little sister. She would borrow them and it would take months to get them back to the point where I had to go to her house and ask for them while I was there. There was also an incident where her kids borrowed some xbox games from my son and they lost one of them and the other two were damaged beyond use.

She called over the Christmas holidays and since she hadn't been in our home for a number of months, we had quite a few new additions to the collection. (All our DVDs are on floor to ceiling shelves in our living room that DH built himself - he did an awesome job!) So she goes over and starts browsing and asks if she could borrow a few. I said I'm afraid that won't be possible and she asks why not, looking very surprised. I pointed out that she hadn't returned the 4 DVDs that she had borrowed the last time she visited - she gave a startled look and said why didn't you come and get them back? I pointed out that she borrowed them so it was up to her to return them. She whined a little but I stuck to my guns and flatly refused to let her take any. We even had the "but it's only a few DVDs" to which I replied "Yes, that I paid for!" The good outcome is that she did return the others a couple of days later but I still refused to let her borrow any more. I just can't trust her to bring them back timely and I don't feel I should have to chase her to have them returned. Did I do ok or should I have let her borrow more since she brought the others back...?

They are your property, the last number of times you allowed her to borrow them they were not returned, lost or damaged. To me seeing as you take great pride in your collection the answer is of course it is ok to tell her no. You are not a video or game store where she can rent them. I think it is fine.

You have absolutely no obligation to lend out your items, even to people who treat them well and return them promptly. Lending something like that out is a favor, not something people have a right to expect.

You done good!

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It's alright, man. I'm only bleeding, man. Stay hungry, stay free, and do the best you can. ~Gaslight Anthem

Good for you. I think you might want to let her borrow again in the future, as a one last chance kind of thing, but if you had done it now she would have gotten the message that she only had to bring things back when she wanted more.

Good for you! Do you think that this may have been a wake up call for her, or do you think that if you were to lend to her again it would result in the same issue? I ask, because some people need this sort of clue by four from time to time, but they can clean up their act. She's experienced the consequences that result when she doesn't return the DVDs in a timely manner, perhaps a quick talk about what your expectations are with loaning your movies out will fix the problem.

The above depends on your sister's personality, however, and you are absolutely right to refuse to loan your possessions to anyone who mistreats them or refuses to return them on time.

Slightly off topic: I would love to see what your collection LOOKS like - I thought I had a lot of movies!!! Wow!!!

It's totally awesome - our ceilings are in excess of 10ft high and the shelves are around 8ft wide. I have to admit I'm a little bit OCD when it comes to our DVD's - they are arranged alphabetically - DH says that's going too far but with that many, how can I find what I want when I want it if they aren't alphabetised?? I wish I knew how to upload photo's to let you see! Is anyone else a fan of The Big Bang Theory? - there's an episode where the guys are in the comic book store and Sheldon and Howard are flicking through the comics going "got it, got it, got it"? That's a little like me in the shops! I have to admit that I'm very fortunate to work in a supermarket so always have access to new releases, special offers etc and be able to use my staff discount. There's also a trade in store close to our house where I can pick up DVD's for around a pound which is great for older titles. I just yesterday picked up a whole load for 75 pence each as they were having a massive clearance sale and got some that I'd been after for ages, Blast from the Past, a load of costume dramas (I love Jane Austen books and adaptations), some boy movies for DH. Ok that was totally off topic! LOL - it's really easy to tell that this is a bit of a passion of mine isn't it?

Slightly off topic: I would love to see what your collection LOOKS like - I thought I had a lot of movies!!! Wow!!!

It's totally awesome - our ceilings are in excess of 10ft high and the shelves are around 8ft wide. I have to admit I'm a little bit OCD when it comes to our DVD's - they are arranged alphabetically - DH says that's going too far but with that many, how can I find what I want when I want it if they aren't alphabetised?? I wish I knew how to upload photo's to let you see! Is anyone else a fan of The Big Bang Theory? - there's an episode where the guys are in the comic book store and Sheldon and Howard are flicking through the comics going "got it, got it, got it"? That's a little like me in the shops! I have to admit that I'm very fortunate to work in a supermarket so always have access to new releases, special offers etc and be able to use my staff discount. There's also a trade in store close to our house where I can pick up DVD's for around a pound which is great for older titles. I just yesterday picked up a whole load for 75 pence each as they were having a massive clearance sale and got some that I'd been after for ages, Blast from the Past, a load of costume dramas (I love Jane Austen books and adaptations), some boy movies for DH. Ok that was totally off topic! LOL - it's really easy to tell that this is a bit of a passion of mine isn't it?

I'm like this too! However, my addiction is books AND movies! My ex-husband wouldn't let me buy movies on a regular basis (except for the kids) so I am JUST NOW starting to build my collection up again! I already have almost 200! LOL! I SOO want shelves like you are talking about for my movies AND my books, but it will have to wait until my partner and I buy a home with a spare room that will JUST be the "library". If you can figure out how to post pics I'd LOVE to see!!

As to the original post - I'm a one chance kind of person so you've already been nicer than me. My books and my movies are my treasures and my name is on ALL of them. If you do not return them promptly and in the same condition I loaned them in you do not get another chance, family or no family. Therefore I think you did awesome and I'm proud of you for sticking to your guns!

Slightly off topic: I would love to see what your collection LOOKS like - I thought I had a lot of movies!!! Wow!!!

It's totally awesome - our ceilings are in excess of 10ft high and the shelves are around 8ft wide. I have to admit I'm a little bit OCD when it comes to our DVD's - they are arranged alphabetically - DH says that's going too far but with that many, how can I find what I want when I want it if they aren't alphabetised?? I wish I knew how to upload photo's to let you see! Is anyone else a fan of The Big Bang Theory? - there's an episode where the guys are in the comic book store and Sheldon and Howard are flicking through the comics going "got it, got it, got it"? That's a little like me in the shops! I have to admit that I'm very fortunate to work in a supermarket so always have access to new releases, special offers etc and be able to use my staff discount. There's also a trade in store close to our house where I can pick up DVD's for around a pound which is great for older titles. I just yesterday picked up a whole load for 75 pence each as they were having a massive clearance sale and got some that I'd been after for ages, Blast from the Past, a load of costume dramas (I love Jane Austen books and adaptations), some boy movies for DH. Ok that was totally off topic! LOL - it's really easy to tell that this is a bit of a passion of mine isn't it?

I'm like this too! However, my addiction is books AND movies! My ex-husband wouldn't let me buy movies on a regular basis (except for the kids) so I am JUST NOW starting to build my collection up again! I already have almost 200! LOL! I SOO want shelves like you are talking about for my movies AND my books, but it will have to wait until my partner and I buy a home with a spare room that will JUST be the "library". If you can figure out how to post pics I'd LOVE to see!!

As to the original post - I'm a one chance kind of person so you've already been nicer than me. My books and my movies are my treasures and my name is on ALL of them. If you do not return them promptly and in the same condition I loaned them in you do not get another chance, family or no family. Therefore I think you did awesome and I'm proud of you for sticking to your guns!

Don't even get me going on my books! There are, and I really wish I was exaggerating here, a couple of thousand of them. I'm a huge fan of Terry Pratchett (hence the name) and I read and re-read them over and over. I go through stages where I will obsessively read one author but I have to say that the classics are my first love. I've read Jane Ayre every Christmas since I was 15 (I'm now nearly, ahem, 40). I love Jane Austen and I have to say that my totally adorable DH panders to me...You know the way some women dream of a man coming in wearing the white navy officer's uniform? He whisked me away to a Georgian country house hotel for our wedding anniversary and totally peeved me off when he disappeared for nearly an hour but then the door knocked and when I opened it, he was stood there wearing a replica of the costume Colin Firth wore in the BBC adaptation of Pride and Prejudice when Elizabeth suprises him at Pemberly (just after the lake scene) with a bottle of champagne in one hand and two glasses in the other. I swear to God I nearly had heart failure. I didn't think it was possible to love him anymore but after that....totally!

I maybe would've suggested giving her a 2nd chance to borrow sometime way down the road but the fact that she returned games destroyed tells me that she lost her privileges forever (never mind the expectation that you should retrieve your stuff yourself).

I think you handled yourself perfectly fine. It's not like she can't borrow from a video store or even the library -- places that would make her pay for any destruction, lateness or items not returned.

Also, I, too, am impressed with the 300+ DVD collection. I'd love that, but I have way too much stuff as it is (I think my current passion is kitchen stuff -- and DF is expressly forbidden from ever loaning out any of my kitchen stuff).

I can totally empathise. I have DVDs and books - no idea how many, but a LOT. Enough to take up all the shelf space in our lounge. And people do the exact same thing to me - they ask to borrow them. I have learnt to refuse. "No, sorry, I don't lend out DVDs."

I mainly learnt my lesson from a friend who, being such a good friend, was always asking to borrow box sets so she and her husband could watch them "when they had time". The thing was, they never had time. They were always at school working, or at their kids' school functions or at church. They would keep my box sets for months and months. I'd ask for them back and Trish would say, "Oh, but I haven't finished watching them. Maybe I'll bring them (sigh) even though I still haven't seen them all." And then she'd say she forgot when I asked again. Finally when I got truly vererg (annoyed) she said, "If you come over to my house you can get them." I had avoided going to her house because she has cats and I'm very allergic and had weaned myself off of the expensive, steroid-based nasal spray and was doing well. Going to her house meant I had to buy allergy medication. Anyway, I did it so I could get my DVDs back. Then later when she asked to borrow more I'd say, "I'll bring them" and thereafter claimed to have forgotten every time she asked. Yes, she eventually stopped asking.

Now I just say I don't lend out DVDs. To anyone, ever.

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The only Vulcan from South Africa!

NixNac

CRUD MONKEYS!. I have had this experience several times as well. It is so annoying to hear "Its just a DVD I will bring it right back". One of my friends asked to borrow a movie that I had just bought and not even seen myself, then they got all upset when I said no. I think the lesson learned here is not to associate with inconsiderate people!! Its like going to the Theater and someone asking if they can have your ticket you just bought. angie's list

A friend of mine uses the 'hostage book' system for this very reason. If you want to borrow from her, you need to provide a 'hostage' of equal emotional value, that she will keep until you bring her book back.

I think you did really well and I'm impressed. I dont have a massive collections of movies but if someone did that to my books I'd be devestated. I'd see it as completely disrespectful towards me and what I value. I like the 'book hostage' idea, it used to work well when students wanted to borrow a pen.

You know the way some women dream of a man coming in wearing the white navy officer's uniform? He whisked me away to a Georgian country house hotel for our wedding anniversary and totally peeved me off when he disappeared for nearly an hour but then the door knocked and when I opened it, he was stood there wearing a replica of the costume Colin Firth wore in the BBC adaptation of Pride and Prejudice when Elizabeth suprises him at Pemberly (just after the lake scene) with a bottle of champagne in one hand and two glasses in the other. I swear to God I nearly had heart failure. I didn't think it was possible to love him anymore but after that....totally!