Letters I'll Never Send

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On New Years Eve all i wanted was to have the best year ever! Well the minute the new year started i fell into depression. It was hard and lonely but it only lasted a week. I went to a praise night at our church and i was completely renewed. A little while later i found out that my youth pastor would be moving to the old church i used to attend when i lived in California. I live in Virginia right now. I felt like i was going to be left all alone because i was really close with my youth pastor and my youth pastor helped me adjust to Virginia when i moved here from California.

I was really mad at my youth pastor and i would ignore my youth pastor. We had a March retreat and it was AMAZING! After a great praise and worship and prayer time i was just so happy and renewed and i felt so free! It was really late and after we ate late night snacks my youth pastor called us over and he told us that we would have a prayer circle where a specific group will stand facing outwards in a circle and everyone else stands around them and prays for them. The first group was the graduating seniors. I am particularly close with the seniors because my brother is a senior. It wasn’t until recently that my brother and i started to get along and it was really weird, we just stopped fighting all of a sudden and we became really close. Well i stood in front of my brother and i was praying for him and i looked up at him and i just started crying. It hit me for the first time that my brother was actually going to college. After we prayed my best friend and i went to the bathroom and cried together (because her sister is also a senior) after all that drama and crying we went home after 3 days. and then several sundays later my youth pastor told everyone that he was going to be leaving. i cried so much even though i knew before and i cried every night since i found out. during all this there was someone that was talking with me constantly. because of this friend i got to open up and i got to tell this friend everything. i texted this friend every night till often times 11 or 12.Soon i started to like that friend. more than i did before. It was so fast… strangers to friends to best friends to crushes to loves. It was the first time i ever told someone i loved them…. this saturday is the senior banquet i am giving a speech and i hope i don’t mess up or start crying.