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Learn How to Control Anger Before it Controls You

We’ve all experienced anger whether it is felt as a mild irritation or as an intense rage. Anger is a normal and natural emotion. Anger is also an essential survival mechanism to run from danger or fight when being attacked.

Nonetheless, when it turns out of control and destructive, it can lead to difficulties. Biological and physiological changes occur such as a racing heart rate, a rise in blood pressure and an increase in the hormones adrenaline and noradrenaline.

Consistent outrage and resentment with a particular supervisor or coworker can lead to troubles at work. Constant worry or menacing about personal problems can prime problems with your personal relationships. Memories of infuriating events or traumas whether big or small can also trigger angry feelings.

Your overall happiness diminishes, and your quality of life depreciates. And it can make you feel as though you’re at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. This article is to help you learn how to understand and nurture your anger.

If anger is ruling your world, it is time to give it the proper attention it deserves. The overpowering emotion is a valuable sign that something is out of balance. Instead of blaming others, take a few moments to look within. Underneath anger may reside pain, fear, guilt, and shame. Relief and peace is near with adequate understanding of the emotions that trigger your intense feelings of anger.

When you approach the underlying feelings of anger with love and care, you can then express your thoughts calmly. The dialogue provides an opportunity to grow closer not only to others but also to self-awareness and insight. You can then assertively communicate your desires and convey what you need to have them met.

To dive even deeper, relay how that particular person or event not only triggered certain emotions but also negative beliefs about you. Whenever your current reaction is over-the-top for the present situation, it means there is historical data to look into. Sit quietly and focus internally to allow the past to surface. Valuable information waits ahead.

As you reflect inward, feelings about yourself like “I don’t matter” I’m not good enough” may arise. Try to go deeper and remember how you formulated that false belief. Scan your memory and body for signals of specific persons/events –look for colors, snippets of scenes, smells, whatever comes to mind.

Next you can begin to nurture that hurt child. It could be the sad infant/toddler or defiant teenager. They are both speaking to you telling you what they need. You have the power to give them the love, compassion, and understanding now that wasn’t given to you when you needed it as a youngster.

As you show compassion and love to your pain, shame, guilt, or fear, empathetic and careful thought allows the hurt to diminish. Insight and self-awareness brings relief and healing. These false beliefs were passed down to you from your parents and circulated from their parents. You don’t have to continue the cycle of pain.

Anger is a gift. It has helped us survive danger and defend from attack. When given empathic care and understanding, anger can remind us to focus inward, and to examine how the person/event triggered hurt feelings. We all have the wisdom to provide what we need. That wisdom is a treasure chest of information that can provide internal healing. Sit quietly and focus inward to access the love, faith, hope and kindness you deserve.

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April Wright, MA, LMFT

I am a California licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT #69155) and life coach. I completed my Bachelor of Science in Dietetics/Nutrition from James Madison University, my Masters in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University, and my Co-active Coaching certification from The Coaches Training Institute. I am a member of AACAST (American Association of Couples and Sex Therapist) and current student.