Consequences of Autism Denial Can Be Far Reaching

One of the most harmful things a parent can do when they suspect their child
has autism or any other developmental disability is to ignore the problem.

Studies and supporting evidence have consistently shown that early
intervention is a critical factor in a child’s ability to mainstream themselves
into schools and society later in life. Denial is something that can be
detrimental and exist with both parents, but it’s more common with fathers
because it’s the father who usually refuses to believe that his son or daughter
is somehow not "normal." I know this, because I was one of them.

Usually, it’s a pre-school teacher, family member, or Sunday school volunteer
who is the first to notify parents about something they have already known:
their child’s behavior is concerning enough to warrant an evaluation by a
physician or specialist.

When several church volunteers tried to tell me my son wasn’t acting in a
"normal" way, I became offended and angry, thinking they were
overreacting and being unreasonable. Many months went by from this initial
warning to when we finally received an official autism diagnosis. These
were precious months of valuable time that were squandered away because of
denial. Thankfully, our son is mainstreamed and living a happy, productive
life and doing far better than anyone had predicted at the time. However,
some families are not as fortunate and ignoring the red flags in the early years
and doing nothing can have detrimental consequences down the road.

Fathers have many dreams and aspirations for their children when they are
born. Maybe it’s for them to be an outstanding athlete, a political
leader, a star musician, or someone who will accomplish great things in
life. While all of these are still very achievable, even after an autism
diagnosis, it’s the recalibration of expectations that is usually the most
difficult thing for a parent to deal with.

Denial is a form of pride and should not play a role in whether or not a
child has access to early intervention therapy. As a parent, we always
want the best for our children and many times, there are sacrifices that need to
be made to ensure this happens. If this means humbling ourselves and
admitting there is a problem early on, than a parent should not let anything get
in the way of their child getting the best possible help as soon as possible.

Our children should be a top priority in our lives. This means putting
them in front of friends, other family members — and even ourselves.
There is no denying that.

It’s always the same. Articles based on the poor parents. Having my diagnosis ignored and being placed in a mainstream school as ruined my life. What about the ignored 30 years later? Does anyone care?

Lisa

This is so sad, I wish i could help but i cant and it breaks my heart knowing that the future of this child is going to be limited and the child wont reach there potential..they are like a flower just need some extra care and will have a chance at a more productive life….This child is a gift from God and is always in my prayers..I hope that one day and that day is not too late they will get the care and support they need…love this child always in my heart <3

wanda

Denial is so awful especially on the parent who is not in denial.My 27 year old son is Autistic and has a seizure disorder.I am divorced. I could not deal with my x-husbands behavior and take care of our son.
I am currently in Domestics trying to get support for him.He would rather hire a lawyer and have the court believe there is nothing wrong with our son that I just want money.I do not have the money for an attorney so I’m not doing too well.
He has always tried to make our son look “normal” when we would be out.This is impossible so we would have big meltdowns .
He even was pretending to do sign language rather than say our son was Autistic.He would prefer him to be deaf.
I share this to hopefully help others.

Aimee

My sister is stuck in denial about my nephews and having some spectrum of developmental behavioral possibly genetic based diagnosis. I don’t know if she is hiding the diagnosis from me or just does not believe or listen to the doctors. I would hate to think that because of her denial, lack of knowledge, selfishness or whatever her reasoning is that it could be detrimental to the outcome of my nephews. I wish there was more help on this issue out there, especially with all the increases in autism or autism spectrum disorders.

Niamh

I can identify with you Aimee.
My sister appears not to notice what several people have mentioned to me – that her son is showing the signs of an autism spectrum disorder.
I have just spent a week with them and it’s confirmed my fears.
I can’t understand how she hasn’t noticed anything – is the denial that strong?
Now I am faced with a very sad and in all likelihood, fraught conversation.

martina

It was very hard for me as a mother knowing that I did everything that I thought I should have been doing wasn’t enough. I blamed myself and my husband. While we went through the diagostic process. My husband took on kore at work. I too worked full time and pregnant with our 4th.

Our son was diagnosed 2 weeks ago, he just turned 4. I feel that we are so late getting him early intervention.

Any thoughts?

orlando

My sister in laws son was diagnosed with autism and adhd they were given prescription for him to take but my dumb ass sister in law said she wants to find a more natural way to help him… I jus Wana throat punch her bitch ass!!

Momma Bear

Martina,
It’s never too late to get help for your child.
The important thing is to do all that you can now. and I mean now.
don’t wait any longer.

85Silver

I don’t medicate my son either, good on her!

85Silver

I’m so sorry, my ex is in denile as well. He is constantly dismissing our sons needs and we have only been around my ex for two days so far. I’ve had our son diagnosed 2 times by several docs. Once in Indianapolis and once in Washington State. Now we’re in Illinois again. I want him to be an asset to our son so he can have his dad in his life but my ex husband is more concerned w himself and all that he wants out of this situation so our son can’t be autistic and ADHD, that would mean the ex would have to put our son first and he can’t handle that. Its really really unfortunate that he can’t see what a wonderful compassionate and intelligent kid he is. Selfish pride is the worst thing you could have while raising children.let alone children w special needs.

85Silver

I know how you feel. I’m doing all I know and searching for more information all the time to make this easier on my son while trying to defend him from my exes lies. Do you have any pointers beyond don’t ignore it? I homeschool him because even w a good iep it didn’t work for him. I just moved us back to my home town. Only problem is his bio dad. I say bio dad cause he’s so selfish that that is all he really is. I get the strong sense that my ex doesn’t want him to be autistic for aesthetic and personal gratification reasons.

cool

autism is a joke of an illness

Kim

My son was diagnosed last year at 14. You are doing great! We were in denial even when his Kindergarten teacher told us her suspicions. And once I really picked up on the fact he may be on the spectrum, we had a hard time getting a diagnoses since some symptoms did improve with age. He is getting help now, but all those years we lost, we will never get back and what could have been a time of therapy and improvement has been lost. You are doing a great job getting him diagnosed and starting his journey. 🙂

disqus_DLogtL0wBR

I have suspected that my grandson was autistic since he was 18 months and was fully convinced by the time he turned two. He had never responded to his name, never made eye contact, would stare at the ceiling fan, screeched and screamed for no reason and many other red flags. I discussed my suspicions with my husband and he was furious at me for thinking such a thing. Now my grandson is four and has full blown echolalia, hand flaps, ear tugs, spins, stares out of the corners of his eyes as well as all the red flags he had as a little toddler. He has severe communication problems and his parents are in full denial and will not get help for him. It breaks my heart to silently watch my grandson not get any help when early intervention could have helped him tremendously.

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All information in this site is presented for support and educational purposes only. It is not intended to substitute for medical treatment or visiting a licensed medical physician.

Visitors who desire to apply or use any information listed herein are urged to consult with licensed healthcare professionals first. All information is deemed reliable but its accuracy can't be guaranteed.