One girl's twistedly fantastic interpretation of what the hell is really going on in those tribes.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Ashley: Dirty Shoe Lover

Ashley is a Jane of all trades. She's played basketball professionally, lived in Switzerland, competed as Miss Maine in the Miss USA competition and says (repeatedly) that she's a "nurse by education". A good old fashioned country gal, she grew up on a farm and uses phrases like "devoted wife" and "doting mother" to describe her mom. I don't know anyone who describes their mother like that. If I had to describe mine it would be "devoted to patent leather" and "doting lover of new age crystals". I'll bet Ashley's mom never wore patent leather shoes to go see Sylvia Browne live. Her loss, my unusual 2012 Mayan prophecy gain.

One of Ashley's redeeming qualities is her unusually long list of pet peeves. Preach it girl. Gum chewers, mouth breathers, popcorn chompers, people who talk with their eyes closed, people who retweet private conversations, people who say "it is what it is", Claire Danes fans... ok so those are my pet peeves, but I'm sure Ashley would agree that Claire Danes and her eyelashes aren't fit for public consumption.

After watching Ashley's video I'm kind of on the fence. I hate it when pageant girls feel the need to defend themselves yet I think it's funny she'll judge someone by the newness of their sneakers. She's got that evil lilting inflection thing going on that can either be bitchy charming or bitchy cunty. I'm not sure yet. I guess we'll have to wait and see.

8 comments:

Yeah.....that sing-song-y voice is already on my nerves and the fact that she talked with her hands tells me that she's very self-conscious on camera. This one may not be very entertaining unless she totally loses it as a result of stress and hunger. She could only be so lucky as to find a Life Coach Clam Shell to help her navigate on Redemption Island. Otherwise, I don't think she'll make it. And what's wrong with white tennie's?

So, she's a nurse by education. Is there another way you can become a nurse? You can't by losing a bet or winning a prize at a fair or something. And I'm not talking about that slutty nurse costume you have hanging in your closet either.

And the shoe thing...it seems like a silly thing to point out. If I'm going on Survivor, I'm buying new shoes. Preferably $1600 alligator ones.

I don't know, at least she seems to recognize the awesomeness of Survivor. I think the "nurse by education" bit means that she went to nursing school but isn't a practicing nurse. Didn't she say she owned a coffee bar or something?