housewife, Calvinist, libertarian and theonomist discussing what is interesting and important to me

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Argumentation by Shallow Emotions

Athol Kay is a Game blogger, but he focuses on using Game within marriage. He isn't a Christian. I can appreciate a lot of what he says. This eye-opening post contains descriptions of tactics used by husbands and wives to get their own way within marriage. The tactics are used by other people in other circumstances as well, but his point is how they are used in marriage.

After reading this, I find I disagree with his label of a tactic frequently used by women which he calls "Deep Emotion." The reason I disagree is that what he is describing is not deep, but rather shallow.

Just like the violent people, highly emotionally sensitive people are
quite cooperative and delightful when you’re giving them what they want.
But if they aren’t getting what they want and especially if they are
losing a debate with you, that’s when the entire frame of the debate
changes into a maelstrom of emotion, accusations, gunnysacking, DARVO
and all-purpose accusations of your inappropriate behavior and abuse.

Deepness implies that it goes far and that it encompasses well-thought-out connections and rational reasoning. What I'm hearing in this post sounds more like caterwauling, irrational whining and emotional blackmail. "Do what I want or I won't love you anymore!"

Even though I am a woman, I prefer the Rational Talk version of dealing with problems. I don't know how I got this way, whether I was hard-wired to think that way or whether it is the result of my experiences in life. My daughters have not inherited this trait, so I don't believe it is genetic.

When it comes to emotions, I tend to think of myself as deeply emotional and sensitive, but not highly emotive. I can feel things without putting it all on display for others in order to manipulate them. This is often mistaken for being cold, when in reality I'm just not seeing how emotions can change or fix anything, so it is more sensible to keep the deep emotions to myself and employ reason to solve problems.

In parenting, the "Deep Emotion" style of argument coming from older children is one of the greatest dangers mothers and fathers will face. It can tempt them to give in to demands and to parent by fear. That is, to fear the loss of a relationship, or love or friendship of a child more than they fear losing their principles and forsaking their duty to do what is best for the children.

Fellow parents, recognize "Deep Emotion" for what it is whether it is coming from your children, your spouse, the women at church, your mother, or anyone else.