Cuddles And Snuggles

Maddie was the snuggliest baby. I know as her mom, I am biased, but I remember her favorite NICU nurse telling me the same thing. When you consider how many babies she’s snuggled because of her job, I’d say that’s a pretty big compliment coming from a baby expert.

I was worried she’d outgrow snuggling, but she never did.

with gramma

with Daddy

with Bampa

We never planned on being co-sleepers, but it ended up that way. She DID sleep in her crib, but once she started moving in her sleep I was way too paranoid to leave her alone on the random nights she needed oxygen. So we put the oxygen rocket next to our bed, and she slept in between us. Whenever she’d roll over, I’d adjust her nasal cannula so it wasn’t wrapped around her body. Of course, she wasn’t on oxygen all that much, but we still slept with her in our bed. Mike and I would talk about moving her back to her crib, but we kept putting it off. We liked having that little warm snuggle bug in bed with us.

Last December, I was under the weather. I felt bad enough that I knew I needed some help with Maddie during the day, so we trekked to my parents’ house. I laid down on the floor (sometimes the floor is the most comfortable place), and the most wonderful thing happened. Maddie crawled over to me, pressed her little body against mine, and snuggled in for a nap. It was one of the greatest moments, my heart swelled to at least five times its normal size.

I miss waking up with my little girl sleeping next to me. I want to roll over and pull her into me, spooning her growing body. I yearn to cup her feet in my hand, feeling her toes wiggle at her dreams.

112 Comments

I am so glad she was your little “Snugglepot and Cuddlepie.” I am so glad you have those precious memories of Maddie and conversely, I am so sad that is all you have now.
The photo of her curled up with you on the floor is just magic.
Love to you and Mike. Wish I could send more than that xxx
.-= Seraphim´s last blog ..You like me…. =-.

This post really hits home with me as my daughter, who is 4 yrs old, is a snuggle bunny too. She would sleep in the middle of the bed with us every night if she could. She always starts out in her own bed, but 8/10 times at some point during the night, she’ll tip toe out of hers and want to come sleep next to me. And I do mean right.next.to.me. Not her Daddy….she’s a total Mama snuggle baby. When she’s sick or has had a bad dream, I always let her stay. But other times in the past I’ve often brought her back to her own bed, cause otherwise I really don’t get much rest during the night. But since your beloved Maddie has passed, I let my daughter stay. I now know that she won’t always be there to snuggle with me for whatever reason, and I’ve got to soak up all those moments while I can even if I’m looking and feeling like a zombie the next day.

I miss your Maddie so much for you!!! I want so badly for her to come back to you too.

In her short time here she at least had enough cuddles and snuggles. I hope this is some kind of comfort to you and Mike and who ever was around her…
.-= catherine lucas´s last blog ..Going to Town =-.

What a sweet story -she was used to sleeping with Mommy, and if you were going to sleep on the floor, well, then so be it! I have to tell you, I can’t get enough of the pictures of Maddie. She is so stunning.

Kylie says:

Oh, some people are so against co sleeping, but when you try it once, who wants to go back? And it’s not just you who benefitted. Imagine how Maddie felt, happy and secure snuggled in between the two she loved most.

I think this is another one of those gifts you and Mike often speak of (like being able to stay home with Maddie, each of you at different points in the journey together). So, while you didn’t plan it, I’m sure it happened for a reason. To give you more time (snuggling with her) than you would dream you’d need.

Still not enough time, though, I know.
.-= Casey´s last blog ..Artichoked =-.

Tyler has never really liked snuggling. He’s always “on the move”. I feel that I’m really missing out on something special here. Every time I see a picture of Maddie lying on Mike’s chest, I get jealous.
.-= Joe @ Irrational Dad´s last blog ..Flowers =-.

Lindsay from Florida says:

I have seen that last picture of the two of you before, and it is breath-taking. I’m not a mom yet, but it’s as though I can FEEL what being one is all about in the contentment and love in both your faces. “I’m sorry” just doesn’t cover it at all, does it?

Trying to type with my eyes welled up with tears, but not out of sadness. My heart still breaks for you and Mike everyday, but I am happy you were blessed with such a wonderful, snugglie baby. The pictures are beautiful.
.-= jenni williams´s last blog ..Well, I Never Syndrome =-.

I have goosebumps all over my body….I remember going through your flicker photos right after Maddie passed on and my emotions could not get pass the photo of Bampa and Maddie asleep together. I always thought, Bampa is going through so much pain, although we are always focused on you and Mike, I think about your parents, and especially Bampa as there were so many photos of those two. You could just see how close their relationship was. I hope Bampa is doing ok. I worry about him and his silent grief. He looks like such a strong guy, with a heart of gold….NO FAIR

Meg...CT says:

I think you’re right about the snuggliness being rare and special. Mine started out that way but once she got mobile wanted no more cuddles, at least not from her mama. I’m glad Maddie never grew out of snuggling.

Marian says:

Long time reader, first time poster! What a special little girl! What perfect parents you were to her. You know Maddie wouldn’t let you follow all of the rules of parenting!!! I’m so glad you let her sleep with you. This picture of you two snuggled up is just beautiful. Thank you for sharing your memories of her with us. Your in my daily thought and prayers.

Chrisie Ward says:

Those snuggles…. how wonderful that you got to have so many of them. I’m glad you guys let her sleep with you. You got a million more snuggles than you would have if she’d been sleeping in her crib all that time!

Jennifer says:

I love that last pic of you two together. Just precious. She was soo loved and loved so much by so many people.

Her tiny footprints have been left on mine and many people’s hearts and we are forever changed by your little girl. She touched more people in her lifetime than most do in their entire lives.

She was a truly beautiful child and completely embodied all of your and Mike’s great qualities.

To this day, whenever my kids & I watch Mary Poppins (which is just about every night) I think about you and Maddie when “I like to laugh a lot” comes on. And many times I have to leave the room in tears, because it is just not right that that beautiful little girl is not here.

My forever condolences to you and Mike and I wish you both peace and healing.

Katie in WI says:

Some babies are just snugglers — Maddie was obviously in a league of her own.
Your daughter, snuggled as close as she can get, helping you feel better, is just the most precious picture. I’ll be thinking of it all day.

We certainly didn’t intend on co-sleeping either but I just haven’t been willing to sleep without her. I’m so afraid that something could happen in the night & I wouldn’t be able to hear her or get to her soon enough.

sherry pyle says:

What a dear photo of you sleeping together.
I wish I could change life sometimes and make all the pain and hurt to leave.
Of course I can’t but I can try to say words to encourage you.
Thank you for sharing her even though your heart is broken.
Thank you for being so brave.
I appreciate your honesty when you share how you really feel.
My heart also breaks for your loss. I know its true that none of us truly understand.
But may the fact that we care and want to help be special to you.
May her memory give you strength to
face each day even when the hole is so large you can’t imagine how the day will be.
May God bless you with a special love and peace
Taking one day at a time and giving yourself time to heal.
Such a beautiful little angel that is loved by sooo many people.
Thank you for sharing her with us.
I so believe in the kindness of humanity and it is so evident in how many love and care for you and hurt with you.
Maddie liked to snuggle because she knew how
very much you love her.
Life can be so hard to understand and by standing strong as you do is such a great example.
The pictures are beautiful.
.

Kim says:

As a Mother of a 22 month old little girl, I am heartbroken for you Heather! Words cannot express how much I feel for you! I hope that you are able to find some sort of peace one day, and able to close your eyes, and dream of your beautiful girl as well! Thank you for sharing with us! My heart goes out to you and Mike, and I am betting that Maddie is snuggling with your Grandmother this very second!

Oh, what a beautiful little snugglebug! Her SKIN! It’s just so beautiful, even in the pictures…I had such an urge to reach out and stroke my computer monitor. I am so glad you got to have these special snuggly moments with Maddie.

Such sweet pictures & memories…I’m so sorry your little snuggle bunny isn’t there with you physically any more. But so grateful that you have these wonderful memories & know she is with you in spirit. That picture of the 2 of you was absolutely precious! Thanks for sharing…
.-= Mary from WA´s last blog ..Oh! That Girl! =-.

One of the many things that struck me about Maddie is that she never seemed afraid of strangers, particularly of being held by them. When you plopped her on my lap at the Mommy Movie, she didn’t make a peep about it. She was comfortable everywhere with everyone.

alison says:

So beautiful. We co-sleep and it is the best….just how you described, always talking about moving him to his crib, but just can’t b/c we love having him near. I’m glad you have such wonderful memories, but I really wish she was still here. I don’t understand why this happened, and it breaks my heart.

Melissa says:

Your post just reminds me to not beat myself up when I let my little 11 month old in bed with my husband and I in the middle of the night, anytime he wakes up and wants to cuddle. So many people have told me not to get into the habit, but I care less what others think, because to me, nothing feels better than having my little guy pressed up against me, feeling safe and warm.

I am certain you and Mike feel blessed that you had all of those nights with her beside you. May she continue to be with you at night in your dreams. Thinking of you both always.

MelissaG says:

I love this picture, you are both so beautiful in it. I, too, love co-sleeping (although my boys are over it in a pretty short time, 7-8 mo). I can’t believe she fell asleep next to her grandpa like that, too cute! You have a lot of really great photos, I hope it’s a bit of a comfort? (I know it’s not much considering the circumstances but I hope a litte bit.)

Merri says:

I love this post; however, my heart just aches for you. The photos are beautiful. I wish I had something profound to say, but nothing seems to do. Just know that you are in thoughts of people near and far.

Ann says:

I love the photos of Maddie sleeping, but also where she is snuggling with her eyes wide open (sleepy cuddlers are one thing, but those who cuddle awake are awesome.) She looks so alert, like she is drinking in every moment and totally focussed on the person she is snuggling with.

Suzie says:

I love, love, love the last picture of you and your cuddlebug!! That picture is absolutely priceless! Once again, thank you so much for sharing your Maddie with us…strangers in Iowa. I hurt for you! Hugs to you and Mike!!

That last photo is just precious. I think choosing to co sleep (or just allowing it to happen rather) was such a blessing for you guys. I’m constantly walking my 4 year old back to her room, but I venture to guess if I knew my time with her were limited I would be treasuring those moments instead.

Tonight I’m going to roll over and pull her into me, and spoon her growing body. I will cup her feet in my hand and feel her toes wiggle at her dreams. Because if she leaves this world I don’t want to ever regret pushing away those moments.

I love that photo of you sleeping with Maddie. She looks so peaceful and content snuggled up against her mama That is a beautiful memory, and it’s so awsome that someone snapped the picture to capture the moment.

I also wanted to add…I think your choice of co-sleep was perfectly fine. That is a choice I believe should be left up to the parents, not Dr. Phil.

My youngest slept in our bed until she was a toddler. I cannot tell you the peace it brought me knowing my baby was OK during the night. And we bonded more than we would have if she had been in her crib.

You made the right decision, and don’t let anyone tell you any different.

What a priceless photo of you and Maddie snuggled together. I think those moments are just so precious, and to have photos of those times makes it double special. So wish Maddie was still here for you to tickle her toes:)
Take care gorgeous and stay strong. Love you guys xxx
Lisa

I love reading your sweet Maddie posts, even though they make me cry every time. Such lovely moments that you share with us.

My little guy is 19 months old, born around the same time as Maddie, and reading your blog helps me to remember each and every day how precious he is and to enjoy every snuggle, cuddle, giggle, trouble-making moment, etc.

Melissa says:

My heart breaks. I have a 10 month old daughter, and we co-sleep. We didn’t plan it either. She has seizures, and I use this as an excuse to keep her in the bed with us. But I just like her laying beside me. I’ll be prayin for you and your family…