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My first question is: I NEED A MAN PERSPECTIVE ON dating and a guy still being on Match.com???.

My next question is: Hello. Okay, so I need some advice. I am 19 and I was recently dating (online dating with Match.com) this guy who is 29. We work together and he is my boss. When I first started working, we were instantly attracted to one another. I didn't act upon it, however, because he was my boss.

He originally thought I was 22, 23. I am rather mature for my age. I usually date using Match.com older guys and most of my friends are older as well. So the only reason why I let it occur was because he was leaving the job, or else I wouldn't have even gotten involved. We dated over a about a 7 week period. He is a great guy and he treated me very well, called me every day, hung out quite often, considering our busy schedules.

The only issue is, I am a virgin. It's not because I am scared or a prude it's just I have never WANTED to do it with any of the guys I was with. He knew the situation and I, in fact, wanted to have sex with him. It might not seem that way because if I wanted to do something I would have done it. So after 7 weeks, he ended things with me because he said he started to feel guilty and that the age difference was really bothering him.

So then I started thinking about how much sex was an important part of the relationship? To be honest, we had everything going except that. I don't want you to get the impression that this dude is an a**hole though because I think he had enough respect to end things with me and let me know rather than stringing me along and sleeping around. And now that we're apart and there isn't any pressure...I still think about him and kind of regret not having sex with him. We're still in contact a bit and might hang out again. I am just confused. I know, for sure, that the reason for wanting to have sex with him isn't because I think it'll keep him around...it's just something I finally want to do, with him, because I never wanted to before and now I do.

Thanks..

Comments (4)

Your question was: I NEED A MAN PERSPECTIVE ON dating and a guy still being on Match.com???.

Please don't take offence as I'm just trying to be honest here. Honestly, I think that he's too old for you, and he's right. A 10 year age difference during this time of your life is a HUGE age difference. It'd be one thing if you were 30 and he was 40, but you're 19 and he's 29. I also think that you can tell yourself that you just honestly are ready to have sex, but in the same paragraph you said that, you also said that it appeared you had everything going for your relationship (thru Match.com) except sex, sex is an important part of the relationship, so you can't help but wonder if having sex with him would have meant that you'd still be together. Um.

That's not a reason to sleep with someone.

You can be a very mature 19 year old. I believe you. I also know that I was a very mature 19 year old. My sister is a very mature 19 year old. But there's a WORLD of difference between my sister and my friends, and I'm only 25.

I don't think he sounds like a bad guy at all. He sounds like he realizes that you're too young for him, and that if you stayed together ,you'd end up making a mistake and regret it. Seriously, you have so much living to do in your 20s- why rush it by entering a relationship (thru Match.com) with a guy in his 30s (practically)? Your 20s are such a time to grow and, as corny as it my sound, "find yourself." You shouldn't skip any steps!..

Comment #1

It cracks me up when people put so much on age. I've met 60 yr. olds with the maturity level of a 14 yr. old. So to me, age doesn't mean squat. Like you said, Cali.

I've dated women my own age that were 'emotionally/socially' retarded. So, I don't choose to look at age. Some people do, and so it's their right. I choose not to age discriminate. I discriminate against peoples ignorant actions..

I just turned 31 and am dating (online dating with Match.com) a very mature and intelligent 18 yo. I'm at a maturity level that is way beyond that of most men, regardless of age. I say this very humbly also. I personally don't give a $hit what people think of our ages. It DOESN'T MATTER! It's b/c I'm very confident of the man that I am, and that no one can affect that. Again...

I question people that 'judge' people by their age and not maturity level. That's just me though..

I do have to admit that, I'm also very curious what his side of the story is... as to why he REALLY left you. It almost seems like he was doubting himself and freaked out about this reality. I'm not sure if I'd want to be with someone that doesn't know how to deal this this type of situation. He may not be as 'bright' as you think he may be, as far as his 'r-ship/emotional intelligence' goes.

He may have just done you a favor by letting you go. If he really felt like you were worthy of his time, he wouldn't have let you go. I hope that b/c he did this, that you DO NOT think that it's something about you. To me, it sounds more like something to do with HIM. If you feel confident that you were doing your best to 'bond' with him, then there's nothing more you could have done..

The whole sex thing to me, shouldn't have been an issue. You said you were comfortable enough to have sex with him, and if he wasn't MAN enough to give you great sex, then that's HIS issue, not yours. I truly do not believe sex was the issue. He just wasn't MAN enough for you. There are plenty of men that will satisfy your needs as a woman..

I just hope that you don't keep making the same mistake with this guy. I know you said you still talk to him, which I'm curious what he has to say, but, I hope you won't fall into the same trap twice. Like they say, 'break my heart once, shame on him, break my heart twice shame on YOU.".

Good luck.

Z..

Comment #2

"If he really felt like you were worthy of his time, he wouldn't have let you go.".

Thank you for confirming this for me...

Comment #3

Hey I want to let you know my honest opinion on your situation... Coming from someone who did have a relationship (thru Match.com) with an older man when I was 19... This guy was 31 and we did have sex. He also told me how mature he thought I was. Like you, he thought I was 23-24, and that made me feel great. I ended up getting tangled up in that relationship (thru Match.com) for a few years and resenting him and myself because he was always several steps ahead and far more experienced.

Nineteen is too young to be entering into a relationship (thru Match.com) with a man who is at a different place in his life. The experience of a 19 yo and a 29 yo is far different. He would know this, but you at your age wouldn't yet (no offense meant here).That guy made the right decision to discontinue dating (online dating with Match.com) you. Good for him. It is quite the moral dilemma and I think he proved he is a good guy by choosing that path.

My advice to you..move on with your life. Your 20's are an adventurous time of your life. It won't be long before you'll meet someone else even better than he seems. Trust me it won't be long!.

~Di..

Comment #4

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.