Ok my dilemma is that I am completely devoted to being a sub but my boyfriend does not understand bdsm completely although I have tried to explain it to him. He does get rough during sex but I want so much more than sex play. For me its like domination is a need for me and without it I feel miserable. I have no limits that I know of thus far and I am even to the point of acting out so that maybe I can get some attention from him in the manner that I want even if it involves a punishment of some sort. I just need some pointers on how to make him more aware of these needs and of how important this is to me.

Sweet, trust me, you have limits. Many new subs think they don't have limits, but I guarantee you do. Just to provide a few examples of the more extreme forms of bdsm that you might hesitate at, some doms:
piss on the sub
shit on the sub
force the sub to eat shit
vomit on the sub
tattoo or brand the sub
cut and bleed the sub
scar the sub
suspend the sub by the breasts
temporarily asphyxiate the sub
keep the sub locked in a cage for long periods of time
mummify the sub for long periods of time
treat the sub as a piece of furniture for long periods of time
pass the sub around in a gang bang
force the sub into sex in what is virtually rape
force the sub to have sex with animals
require the sub to have sex on a web cam
require the sub to surrender control of the sub's bank account
require the sub to engage in prostitution
virtually brainwash the sub
use hypnosis to have sex with the sub without the sub remembering it
require the sub to engage in unsafe sex
require the sub to risk injury through pain play or extreme bondage
require the sub to risk loss of job, arrest, and so on through public humiliation or nudity
require the sub to wrestle or fight another sub until one is rendered unconscious
require the sub to do illegal drugs or get drunk before sex
require a hetero sub to have sex with a person of the same sex

I'm not saying that these actions are all morally equal or that some of them don't cross the line into out and out abuse, or that they're all safe and sane. But for better or worse, there are doms out there who do these things, and there are subs out there who enjoy them or are willing to accept them. So, depending on your dom, if you say you have no limits, you might wind up going very far down the bdsm rabbit hole indeed. In gay bdsm personals, it's very common for guys to specify "no kids, no women, no blood, no scat, no permanent marks". Personally, I find all of those limits eminently reasonable.

"We hurt the ones we love the most. It's a subtle form of compliment."

Sorry but if after multiple attempts and conversations to get him to Dom out and you are not successful you need to find a new boyfreind. Marrying someone and being stuck in a vanilla relationship sucks you will never be really happy. I am sure many others are in the same boat

Well, it's really a question of whether an unsatisfying sex life outweighs the good elements of the rest of the relationship. If the kinky person knows going into the marriage that it will be vanilla and is willing to make that sacrifice, then it can be done. But yes, if someone is solidly vanilla, they are unlikely to grow into being kinky.

"We hurt the ones we love the most. It's a subtle form of compliment."

It has to be in the open, with communication a must. I have been living like this for a long time, and it is not easy. There is a balance, it is very delicate, even still, there are constant bumps in the road. However, if you want it bad, you can make it work with the right partner.

I don't keep anything from my bride, she also doesn't want to hear the details. It is just a challenge, but well worth it.

I feel a need to defend myself, NOT that anyone was harsh with me. Sweet hasn't answered us, so I'm just saying, maybe it's not in her bf to do this to the extent she needs. And maybe for all intense purposes he is a fabulous bf except this and she is LOATH to loose him.

Not everyone is so willing to share. A Online Master on the side might be a thing. Even just for a few rare email tasks that are more harsh then the bf can offer.

See thing is I can see this happening to me.

I want marriage, kids, white picket fence optional. It doesn't mean I'm going to luck out with a dom or top as well or that he is gonna be all that open to sharing..I could love him deeply, if he is good with the kids, supports his family, you know just an all around great guy...what does one do if he's NOT into it and doesn't want to share?

Frankly without a bit of erm..."encouragement" I don't cum so easily anymore. What I like is fairly mild in the world of BMSD, some name calling, bit of hair pulling and I could PROLLY manage, but I could see how this would be a problem for others.

I'm not encouraging people to go cheat, however I have been in a long term relationship where the sex was incredibly unsatifying, it led to resentment on my side, it led to hurt feelings on his. I did try time and again to talk it out, work it out, kindly suggest...

Atleast an online you aren't bring home anything, it's restricted and can be even more so. I'm saying this as a last resort. I'm not encouraging cheating but when do you do when you live in a shoes...

And this was prolly worded rather horribly because frankly I'm having a hard time irl...

interesting perspective BP - was getting to it a smooth road, or a bumpy one?

Click to expand...

Both. Like I said, it is...fluent. There are things that she can't do, has no desire to do, will not do. I have fetishes that I need fulfilled. I have tried to walk away from them, ignore them. That has made my life unbearable in a lot of ways.

We came to an agreement of being able to play for me. I like to damsel in distress, bondage peril. I can have a session with out intercourse, though I that is not a restriction.

The main restriction for us is still desiring each other. We have a very deep love, I know that I will never leave her, she knows she never will leave me. But if i don't desire her in the bedroom, that is a problem just for our lives.

I can get into zones with play partners that afterwards, vanilla or even light bondage, will have no effect on me. I have to make sure, that I come back to her sexually.

That is why it is always in motion. She is....submissive light for me, which I am so thankful for.

For her, she has Catholic guilt, and on the other side, the desires she wants.

Maybe give him small tastes of the benefits of having a sexual slave. Introduce it to him slowly. When he sees how much it turns you on, he might warm to the idea. Let him get comfortable with the feel of it and slowly introduce more if he is willing. Problem is, when you get a taste for it and your fantasies are being made real, it is hard to revert back to normal sex. I have no place to suggest you leave him, only you can make such a decision. Meeting someone purely on the basis of their sexual orientation seems unwise.
Good luck with whatever you decide.