My three-year old loves our local convenience store. The man behind the counter teases him and pretends to be scared at his dinosaur roars.

But, yesterday he accidentally frightened our son by roaring back. He burst into tears and the man felt awful. So, he handed my husband a gift. “Please,” he pleaded with my husband, “please take this.”

So, my husband took it.

“Hurray!” yelled my son when he raced back home and into the living room where I sat. “Look Mama! Look! Open it!”

Inside the box was a plastic gun and a pair of handcuffs. I stared down at it, unsure what to do.

“Open it Mommy!” said my son. He knew what to do. “I want splat, splat, splat!”

My husband came in the room and explained what happened. Then he turned to my son, “You can have the handcuffs,” he said, “but not the gun. We don’t play with guns.”

My son immediately threw himself down on the ground, kicking and screaming. I took out the handcuffs and the little key that went with it. We threw the gun in the trash.

I thought about it overnight. The gun was a gift and it was harmless, but it looked real. It was nothing like the yellow plastic water pistol my neighbor let him play with on a hot day. It looked solid and dangerous.

Zosfia McMullin describes a similar dilemma in the Washington Post today. She says teaching her son about sex and guns, “are not realities I like, but parenting is rarely about our own comfort around certain topics. I mean, do I feel comfortable… no. But I need to teach him how to do all of those things safely.”

Real guns aren’t play toys. We live in the UK, so the chances of him coming across a real gun are slim. But we also visit the States frequently, and the same can’t be said for America.

I will be teaching my son to stay away from guns. But, I know I won’t get away with banning them entirely. Like McMullin’s son, my boy also has an active imagination and guns will appear out of toilet rolls and broomsticks.

Yesterday, when I saw the gun, I hesitated. I like my son to be independent. I let him make mistakes, get frustrated and figure things out for himself and that means he sometimes hurts himself. He will, if I want him to understand what is dangerous.

But, I don’t want him to ever understand guns. I can’t avoid him seeing guns in movies and television, but I can avoid allowing a toy gun to normalize real ones. A real gun is something I want my son to have nothing to do with and, like covering electrical sockets or gates on stairs, protection from guns has to begin at home.

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Yes, we let our two little boys (5 & 3) play with toy guns that look like toys and don’t make any sound resembling a gun. They also play with light sabers, swords and any stick that can resemble any of these things. However, they are also strictly instructed that these are toys that we only play with at home, not at school or church. We even have the rule that we don’t point it at anyone, just at the ground. And they love being able to pretend. I love letting them be little boys.

Meg

Yes. We love guns and have many. We let the kids play with toy guns and will teach them gun safety (with real guns) when they are old enough. I think that banning guns and turning them into a forbidden fruit is more dangerous than teaching kids to respect them and handle them safely.

http://babycenter.com Yasmina

Yes I do, my boy and both my girls play with toy guns. They have a few toy guns in their toy box but only play with them occasionally. Where we live they have similar laws as the UK regarding guns, so they are not going to come across one by accident. Where my husband is from also have similar laws so the same applies when we are on vacation. I really don’t like guns but I feel in my circumstances it doesn’t do any harm to play with toy guns, they see them on TV so while they are kids they won’t come to any harm doing that. If, however, I was a regular visitor to the US like you are, I may feel the same way as you do.

Elfrieda

No. I don’t scold him when he pretends to have a gun, but right now he thinks that guns are like long sticks that poke deer and moose. I have no desire to explain any further than that, and any tv with guns is of course highly inappropriate for a 4yo. The only people around here with guns are hunters and have them locked up, so I don’t feel overly unsafe, but I just don’t like guns.

mommaonthebrink

My husband is a police officer, so guns in our house are a way of life. We keep them locked up all times, and my husband has discussed them with my 5 year old. However, I don’t let my son take guns or swords or light sabers outside of the house. They understand they are for our house only and not to be taken anywhere else. I agree that it’s better to educate someone about them rather than avoiding the issue all together.

JaniceMom3

No.

posterwithopinion

We’ve always had nerf and water guns, an “old west” cap gun. Now that they’re older they have BB guns. My oldest kid has shot real guns in Boy Scouts. We’ve talked about guns (never pick up a gun, even if safety looks on it could misfire; if another kid brings a gun to show you, get out of there quick, etc)….
but back when they were little if it was a toy gun that really looked realistic I don’t think I would’ve liked that, either. I think even a small child could tell a difference between the look of the Nerf guns and a real gun….and I wouldn’t want to blur that line if they might see a gun and think “Hmmm, that looks like a real gun but it could be a toy” — if it looks like a real gun don’t touch it! I just wouldn’t want to add confusion to that message.

Ashley

I do let my children play with toy guns. I think it is important to teach children to respect guns in a way that if they decide to be gun owners (which I am & have my carry and conceal) they will use the gun with respect not like a lot of kids that are running around today. There are certain rules that go along with playing with a toy gun and as long as those rules are followed I don’t think it hurts to let a little boys imagination go wild. When I was a young girl I went hunting for the first time at 8 years old however it was not until I was 9 that I got my first turkey. Growing up I was taught how to use guns appropriately and respectfully, They are for food and protection not to go and shoot up the neighbor hood store for $50 in the drawer. People are so focused on putting the blame on guns instead of the people using the guns to commit violence that their children grow up having an un rational fear or using guns in rebellion and not understanding the importance of handling the weapon with respect, care and reserve. One question I would like to leave you all with is are you going to ban your children from playing with toy cars because people get in drunk driving wrecks? Are you going to ban your children from spoons because they will make them obese? Of course not, because it is not the car or the spoon that causes those issues it is the people just like it is not a gun going out and shooting itself it is the people using the gun.

Poster77

No. They also do not watch tv shows with such things or violence in any way. They are currently 3&5 and we will possibly reevaluate when they are older.

egs

I don’t sweat it. I try to be matter of fact and let them be one of many toys my kids play with. Now if one or both of them were to become fixated, I might feel differently and reevaluate. I would rather the guns be run of the mill vs. something to become fascinated with. They also know to come to us if they find a gun they are not sure is a toy and not to aim at anybody that they are not playing with. I don’t want someone to mistake play for real and respond accordingly.

Amanda

I’m betting that most little boys in America had toy guns in the 1950s and 60s, and there wasn’t an epidemic of school shootings. Toys guns aren’t the problem. Our current culture is.

Danielle A

No toy guns.

Yuck. Is there a blog section of babycentre.co.uk? I’m sick of americans/american pro gun culture and I like to avoid it at all costs.

I wish I wasn’t one

Stacie Lewis

Hey Danielle – there is a blog section on babycentre.co.uk and I write there too. And yes,you are right there is very little pro-gun talk there. Here’s the link for the UK blog: http://www.baby.co.uk

http://expatcatlife.blogspot.com Jules

Y’know, I don’t think kidlet even knows what a gun is. He loves playing with and banging sticks, but I think that’s embedded in the Y chromosome. I think the most violence he’s ever seen in his life was visited upon an onion.

So I guess it’s no surprise that I wouldn’t want him to play with guns, but it’s actually because I want him to have a healthy respect for the real thing. My husband has a shooting license, and we will probably teach kidlet how to handle firearms in a year or two. I do not want him to ever think of a gun as anything other than a killing machine–which is exactly what it is.

Jamie

Absolutley not. Guns are never ever never ever toys or to be touched ever. Once you cross that line you leave the door open for dangerous situations.

I grew up with guns in the home and it’s made me realize most people are responsible enough to own guns. My family was uber responsible and all still believe gun laws need to be stricter. We were never allowed even toy water guns, because once again, guns are never for children, should never be touched by children, are never toys.

cathy

We let ours play with guns but they know they can only play with your guns. They know real guns are very dangerous and they know the difference between the two. I grew up with guns within reach and i never touched them…we do keep ours WAAAY out of reach but the same education applies. I feel like teaching respect of the weapon is much more valuable than teaching fear of it. And boys will make guns out of anything, remember the kid and the pop tart at school?

cathy

Toy guns…not your guns.

Jamie

I meant most people are NOT responsible enough to own guns.

Danny’s Momma

My husband and I own guns so we’ve had many many gun safety talks with our 6 year old son. He knows all the rules. We have never bought him any toy guns, but other people have. Some look like toys, others look real. One looks like a real rifle and even makes realistic noises. However, he is just not interested in playing with them. I literally never see him playing with them. Once in a while a friend of his will be playing here and will come across his stash of toy guns and will play with it, and my son will quickly correct him: “Don’t point that at people!” and “No, we don’t shoot living things!”

I think it all depends on the child really. If you don’t think they can handle learning about gun safety, don’t let them have a toy gun.

sherry

Toy guns are like candy cigarettes, they both make both things seem like they are harmless qnd more about fun. I wont let my child play pretend guns, just like I dont want her pretending to smoke. I dont want to normalize things that would and could kill her.

mamabadger

We also let our boys play with Nerf guns and pop guns. However, my kids learn not to touch a “gun” that an adult has not said is ok to touch. I’ve seen pink guns that look like toys and are very real. So the rule is, if you are not 100% sure, you don’t touch. And always point away from people and animals.

I worry about out and out prohibiting any gun stuff since I’m sure they will come across them at a friend or relatives house. I would rather they know the rules and what to do than feel like they need to “sneak” or do something potentially dangerous.

Ann

We don’t let our son (or daughter) play with guns as a matter of principle. Boys can be boys without guns too.

Risha

You are teaching your son that guns are to be avoided, as if they’re bad. Are they really? Is alcohol bad? The way many people Abuse it, sure. But not everyone abuses it. Is sugar bad? In excess, yes, and it’s the reason so many Americans are overweight and sick. The list goes on and on, of innocent enough things that stupid people turn into bad things. The military uses guns to defend innocent people and kill the bad guys. Hunters use guns to kill animals, and provide food for their families in the winter. The police use guns to protect civilians from harm. A civilian can use a gun to defend his home from an invader. So it’s easy to see why my little guys are interested in guns. And I gladly let them play cop, Army Ranger or Hunter any day of the week. They will always know stupid people are bad, not guns.

I think Risha’s comment illustrates the great divide between the rest of us and the NRA: The word “defend”. It’s a good thing, a manly thing, an American thing, to defend your life, your property, and your country. It’s a bad thing to kill someone. But people on the NRA-side think about “defending” themselves, and not about killing other people. It’s a fundamentally selfish point-of-view–that your life doesn’t matter if I’m defending my own. In fact, the act of defending (anything) carries with it so much goodness that the fact that I might kill you is inconsequential.

And even when defending something involves taking the offensive (see “pre-emptive war”), it’s still couched as a defense, so by definition the person at the other end of the gun must have been threatening you in some way, even if they weren’t. But because you are “defending”, you are justified in killing them.

Just food for thought.

Danielle A

Thank you Stacie! I’ll be switching to that site! That’s a better fit for my family and me

Paige

No toy guns for my American boy. Guns aren’t toys. Kids need to know they aren’t for kids, period. No violent TV shows or video games either.

I’m not opposed to him learning to handle a gun when he’s much older.

alison

We own real guns and toy guns. The only kids that EVER point them at living things are the ones who don’t have one of their own. Kids who have their own don’t do that. Seriously never fail, the first thing a kid who doesn’t own a toy gun does is to pick it up, point it at a kid or animal and pull the trigger. Scary! I think all PEOPLE should be taught how to handle a gun properly.

Leah

I’ve only seen children of gun owners think it’s okay to point toy guns at people or shoot things. Most the children I know whose parents don’t own guns know guns are never toys and not for touching. So no to toy guns in our home. It’s like teaching them it’s okay to shoot something and it is not.

Ladiibugg_wingz

I have two sons ( one 18, the other 9) who I have never allowed to play with toy guns for the same reasons expressed by the author. Growing up, my father bought my sister and I toy guns, then eventually bb guns. I am now 42 and those same guns are on a gun rack in my mother’s home. I allow my younger son to shoot milk jugs in the back yard, under my supervision only, but he is still not allowed to play with guns.

http://rachaelmgreen.blogspot.com rachael

My son is seven and he’s never played with a toy gun. We do have nerf guns with foam arrows but never a cap gun or something that looks as though it could be a real gun. It isn’t that I am teaching him to be scared of guns, I’m teaching him that guns are not toys. As someone who has had a gun shoved in my face, I will not tolerate any sort of gun in my household. My son has never had any interest in guns.

Rebecca

O for crying out loud if you study the history of toys as well as education based play, and anthropology you would know that the three most comon toys for any race,religion, region, or people group are balls dolls and bows and arrows/ guns. Childern since the dawn of time have learned how to take care of a family from nurturing a baby doll to defensive play fighting. Even my most hippy friends let their kids play with toy guns. This histeria we have created around guns is getting out of hand we are literally creating a fear mentality that does nothing to help our childern. I want me kids to have a healthy dose of respect not fear of all weapons. I want them to feel safe waking around with out feeling the need to carry a gun everywhere and i also what them to feel confident to use a weapon if they feel they need to. Life is about balance not extremes

http://collectiblecaboose.com Ken

I too have the same point of view. I also don’t allow my boy to play with gun toys. In my opinion such toys provoke violence in kids.

Lorraine

Yes, I will let my children play with toy guns of all types. When they’re old enough/strong enough they’ll be taught to use the real guns in our household. My husband and I are firm believers in early education of all things potentially dangerous. If you’ve only ever known respect a thing, your better equipped to make safer decisions.

Nate

You are so sheltering and overprotective. I’m 14 now, i shot a shotgun when i was 8 and watched people skin squirrels, and i’m fine. If you take guns away from your kids they will still play with guns using their fingers. Let your kids use toy guns, you can even teach them how to safely use real guns, just make sure they aren’t hurting other kids on purpose. People need to learn guns are good when used properly and not to be kept away from everyone.

Nate

You know, in my opinion, if you wanna be a good parent you should let your kids be themselves but correct negative behavior rather than sheltering them from the world. Its called decency, just saying.

Rick

No, my daughters, stepdaughter, and son do not like toy guns anyways. I do have a rambunctious 6 year old niece who loves to play with toy guns. One time when my wife Whitney was in the kitchen, our niece comes upstairs with a toy gun and decided to get attention by shooting at Whitney near the bum. She ended up with a minor bruise after being hit twice by the foam bullet. My niece’s mom then comes upstairs and does the same thing to Whitney twice (the second time lead to a small burn from a water spill on her upper leg). Both mom and daughter got canned for it. I thought about getting rid of every toy gun that was in the house for safety reasons so that I would not get hurt (I twisted my ankle from the last toy gun left out on the floor).

steve

I agree protection from guns does start at home. Teach them at an early age not to touch them unless they’re with an adult and only after being properly taught how to handle a weapon. I’ve been shooting since I was 10 years old and not once have I shot anyone or even come close. I have however finding myself one time against two possible attackers. By just putting my hand on my weapon, i did not need to draw as they turned around and walked away on my command. Your boy will just get his ass kicked in a situation like that. Maybe worse may end up dead

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