Well, it’s been a little while and you can blame half-term and a newly decorated and furnished ‘Office’ [once known as the spare room] for the hiatus. We got so much done during the break but once you start in one room the knock-on effect can be slightly daunting; one room looking lovely can often mean that three others look like a herd of terrified wilderbeast have just trampled through at speed.

Holiday time when everyone is off can mean that my spiritual life takes a bit of a back seat. It’s harder to find those windows of silence and the head-space when all around you is busy and requires your attention. A lovely online friend contacted me about a book I’d mentioned on Instagram and during that conversation she wrote the line, “I have come to realise, though that, for me, all roads lead back to God. It’s like He won’t let me stray too far and pulls me back in if He feels I’ve wandered too far and for too long.” I know she won’t mind me quoting this here. We were sharing and discussing our journeys in faith and all the different twists and turns that happen along the way. The things you try that don’t ‘fit’ or sit well, and the things you try that are clearly from God. The quote above really made me think and is referring to the constant draw that God has on your soul or spirit no matter how busy you get or how hard you try to ignore it. I’ve been aware of it so many times. It’s like someone nudging you gently to get your attention but it’s persistent to the point where it just cannot be ignored; one way or another you have to address it.

When I’ve stepped away from my faith for whatever reason there is eventually a sense of loss after a few weeks, a sense of something or someone missing. An emptiness. I think if you firmly decided to say, ‘thanks, but no thanks’ to God then He’d step back but as it says in Revelation 3:20, Listen! I am standing at the door, knocking; if you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in to you and eat with you, and you with me. Notice it says IF you hear my voice AND OPEN the door. It doesn’t say, I’ll let myself in and make myself at home whether you like it or not, God waits to be invited but boy, can He knock loud at times lol. There is also a sense of equality to the line, I will eat with you and you with me. No one is serving, both are eating. It makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up just reading that.

I really like the idea of God being just the other side of the door, like He’s standing guard just in case you need Him. I find that really comforting. He also doesn’t seem to care how many times we stray or doubt, He’s just glad when we choose to [re]turn to Him again. Luke 15:3-7 tells us the parable of the lost sheep and the rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over the ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent. Our God is the God of second chances, of fresh starts. He never turns His back on us no matter how long we’ve been away or how many mistakes we’ve made. Our lives are the eternal story of the Prodigal Son welcomed with open arms, again and again.

Never be afraid to turn [back] to God. He is there, waiting patiently and quietly, nudging you gently to let you know that He’s standing guard over your soul, covering your back and ready to hold you in his amazing embrace whenever you need Him. I think that’s pretty cool personally.

It’s a Tuesday morning. School run done and car parked, I hurry up the path to my house. Key in the door whilst shoving with one foot only to be met by a happy Honey Basset blocking my way in. Whilst fussing her I’m hit by the lovely smell of fabric softener; clothes drying in the house, too cold outside today for anything to dry on the line. I walk to the radio left on in the kitchen for the aforementioned Basset, and hit the Off button. Silence!

Coat off. Washing-up away. Load of washing in and set to wash, all in the space of about five minutes. I have to be careful not to get engrossed in domestics or, before I know it, they’ve become a procrastination, a means of prevarication, a distraction. I’ve been doing domestics since 5.45am this morning so everything else can and should wait because I need to pray.

Matches in hand I head for the lounge to light my prayer candle which sits in my plain but beautiful St Beuno’s candle holder on my altar; I only have to look at it to be instantly transported back to that beautiful place. I grab this month’s Magnificat and begin. I stand in front of my altar to pray Morning [Lauds] prayer. Evening prayer [Vespers] can happen anywhere, in my bedroom, in the car outside school, wherever the opportunity presents itself. I pray Compline [Night prayer] in bed usually, if I can stay awake. I am lucky that I have the time to devote to this practice at the moment. Not working might mean less money but it has the huge benefit of being able to spend more time with God. After praying I make myself a latte and settle down with this year’s edition of Sacred Space to study today’s gospel. It’s a time to reflect, to talk to God and just be. Listening. Waiting. [eta Sacred Space for 2019 is out now ~ click the link in the side bar >>>]

Now, in an ideal world every day would be just like today. However, some days life takes over and prayers are missed or don’t happen at all and that’s just the way it is. But ideally I like to be able to spend time in prayer every, single day. Even if it’s just once for a few moments.

Pray, I hear you ask? Why would you do that? It’s not Sunday, you’re not at Mass so why? And this is a really valid and sensible question and one I’ve asked myself a lot over the last few years. Why do I feel the need to pray daily? Have I always done so and does it do any good?

First I feel the need to explain that I am driven to pray every day, it’s a need, a desire, almost a necessity. If I don’t do it I miss it, something just doesn’t feel right, I feel empty and a bit lost. As I said before, prayer doesn’t or can’t happen every day, some days I’m just either too busy [not always procrastinating with domestics but running errands etc] or quite simply too lazy. I don’t give myself a hard time if I don’t get round to it because that’s pretty pointless. However, I have the intention to pray every day; morning, evening and night with Mass thrown in if I get there. It’s an act of fidelity. The definition of fidelity is:- ‘faithfulness to a person, cause or belief, demonstrated by continuing loyalty and support.’ Prayer is me being faithful to God. As I said somewhere else, it’s a bit like being married. You are faithful to your husband or wife because you love them and you [want to] show that love through acts of fidelity which can be anything from a hug, a loving word, a gift, washing the dishes…anything done in love for another. So, back to the question why do I pray? Because I can’t not, it’s that simple.

Have I always done so? No, absolutely not. Certainly not in those early days but in the last few years it’s become a habit that I can’t break. It ebbs and flows according to employment and commitments but it never completely stops. It really is a way of life now and is vital to maintaining my faith and my relationship with God. As my faith has grown and matured, so has my prayer life.

What isn’t always obvious to those ‘looking in’ is that this relationship is a two-way thing. I am faithful to God and He is faithful to me. “For the son of man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Matt 20:28 NIV I’m not sure what I feel about Christ serving me [that was actually a question in last Sunday’s gospel study] and I suspect that’s a post for another day, but in any event this is relationship of equals. I can sense that all of the time. I show up and God is always there, never late, never awol, constant and reliable. He comforts, strengthens and guides me.

Does prayer do any good? Hmm well that’s tricky and I can only answer for myself and from my own experience. Firstly, it doesn’t do any harm that’s for sure and it can be very cathartic. I try to keep a journal of personal intentions and people/situations that I pray for and I can honestly say that I often go back and find that 90% of them will have been answered. I also find that during unstructured prayer or silent contemplation I often receive the answer to a problem or have a sense of peace about an important decision or difficult situation. It’s nothing tangible but it’s undeniable and it’s happened too many times to be a fluke.

So, who can pray? Well anyone obviously. Those of faith or of no faith. There are no qualifications required. Anyone can talk to God, anywhere, at anytime about anything. It really is that simple. You don’t need all the structure and books that I use. I use those things to keep me focussed and accountable but I also have unstructured times when it’s just me and God. Prayer is not a ‘one size fits all’ thing. It’s unique to each person to pray as they feel. Sometimes, it’s just a word thrown heavenwards. An arrow prayer launched towards God in a moment of desperation or difficulty. It’s quite simply a conversation with God where you get to say what you want or just sit and listen with the ear of your heart.