Saturday, December 01, 2007

In 2009, archeologistics in northern Iraq unearthered a pre-historic figurine of a two-jawed alien. This is the latest in a number of similiar discoveries from the around world, which further suggested visits from extraterrestrials at the dawn of humanity. It would appear that far from being gentle shepherds, the visits were highly aggressive. Inevitable speculation surrounds the human victory over the aliens, presumably armed only with pre-historic technology.

In 1919, Research Fellow Ned Lawrence had speed read the ten volumes collected from the Lost and Found department at Paddington Station on the previous day. The events were of course familiar to Ned, right up until the late summer 1911, when he declined a research opportunity at Carchemish, an important ancient city of the Mitanni and Hittite empires. What followed next was an incredible, incredible work of fiction! That Ned, a 26 year old man of only 5”5 stature could be handed £200,000 a month by the British government to implement ideas from his 1907 graduate thesis “The influence of the Crusades on European Military Architecture – to the end of the 12th century”. And even more incredibly, the purpose was to turn the Middle East into a state of open revolt to win a non-existent war with the long-defunct Ottoman empire.

In 2007, the residents of Butte, Montana paid tribute to Robert Craig Knievel who died on Friday. Knievel had only recently retired from his job driving a large earth mover at the Anaconda Mining Company. Supervisors had recognised his exceptional vehicle control skills by promoting him from diamond drill operator in the copper mines. So much so, that Knievel came within an ace of being fired when he made the earth mover pop a motorcycle-type wheelie and drove it into Butte's main power line, leaving the city without electricity for several hours. "Anybody can jump a motorcycle," said his son Robbie, who also works at the Mine. "The trouble begins when you try to pop an earth mover". Despite his bereavement, Knievel's son gave a wry smile. A cynic might think that they pulled off a few more stunts that the bosses didn't find out about.

In 2003, on this day the compendium “A Collection of Political Counterfactuals” was published. Simon Burns' masterful sequel "What if Oscar Collazo and Griselio Torresola had missed?" was a keynote contribution, considering the scenario where President Harry S Truman survives the ambush in the Blair House. Shockingly, Douglas MacArthur wins the Presidency in 1952 and reconquers south-east Asia all over again, this time using the hydrogen bomb. Also the bio-weapons that had fallen into his hands in 1945 during the surrender of General Otozoo Yamada and the Japanese perpetrators of Unit 731.

In 2081, climate change raised sea levels prevent the continued habitation of medium-size islands including Japan and Great Britain. Accelerated construction of resettlements continue such as the new Ayers Rock City in Australia.

In 1967, the second installation of A Rage in Eden was serialised in the Times. Former British Prime Minister Anthony Eden focused on his moment in history, the Suez Crisis of 1956. Fragments of letters to President Dwight D Eisenhower were published. Nasser and other dictators like him must be taught a lesson wrote Eden; besides, there was oil to consider. The UN, he wrote, is for wimps, a place of stallers and cowards. America must understand that the world has moved on and faces new threats. The dictator is so monstrous that treaties and laws no longer hold. America should remember Mussolini and Hitler. It should be more concerned for the security of Israel. If Washington lacks the guts for war, Britain will go it alone. The American president demurs. “From this point onwards,” he says, “our views diverge.”

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