A blog about the Big Four of the English Premier League

I really don’t know what they did last Season

The very idea of starting our blog was to write about teams which people actually watch or follow. I mean, it would take either an eccentric genius or a crazy dumbass to start a blog featuring Crystal Palace, Sunderland, Southampton and Leicester City. And the underlying assumption of writing about the BIG four teams was that such teams would actually comprise of good, if not big name players. And that is where Murphy would disagree. So, like in all other places in life, things do actually go wrong in football too. And sometimes a few lucky twits manage to get into these big teams. End of the season is a good time for retrospection and identification of the worst 11 players to be playing in the Big 4. Here is my list.

1. Goalkeeper : Fabianski – This one was a close call between Fabianski, Almunia and Cech. But Fabianski after that brilliant performance FOR Chelsea would take the cake. Cech wasn’t at the best of his forms during a few of the Champions League games. But he came back strongly and proved that the bad form was just an aberration from his otherwise permanent class. Almunia, the highly overrated goalkeeper who would dive even when the ball is at his chest, had a decent season by his standards and so misses the prized position

2. Defender 1 : Silvestre – This one was the easiest of choices to make. Unanimous amongst all the fans including those of Arsenal.

3. Defender 2 : Emmanuel Eboue – To be honest, Eboue isn’t as bad a player as he seems to be when playing. I mean it sounds illogical but I feel for the guy. The Arsenal fans haven’t helped E-booo-ye’s confidence a great deal either.

4. Defender 3 : John O’Shea – John O’Shea for me is somebody who was forced to become a defender. He might have been a decent striker as a kid but not decent enough to get into the first 11. So he probably took up defence. His sense of positioning in defence is awful to say the least.

5. Defender 4 : Jonny Evans – Jonny Evans as an individual seems to be a decent, hard working human being who can also play as a defender in football. But if you had the chance to watch him play alongside the other Johnny ( O’Shea), and if you are a Manchester United fan, and if you are weak at heart, well… all the best.

6. Midfielder 1 : Park Ji Sung – Unparalleled work ethic but zilche quality ensures Park Ji Sung a place in the 11. Against Barcelona, he seemed absolutely out of place. Like Vishwa would have quoted:

All work and no play maketh Park a dull boy – Leo Tolstoy

I am not a racist. I am an Indian – Bhagwad Gita XXX1V.

7. Midfielder 2 : Nani – A guy who would earn much more in the circus than he does in soccer. I mean I would pay to watch him dribble past HIMSELF.

8. Midfielder 3 : Riera – The only Liverpool player in the squad. Riera always seems to have that look on his face as if he has had a tragic childhood. And worst of all, it seems to affect his football. Needs a vacation.

9. Midfielder 4 : Diaby – One question: How the fuck is he even in the squad? But then you think… he is only playing for Arsenal.

10. Forward 1 : Bendtner – The guy has always felt for himself. He is the self proclaimed genius of a forward. And like he said, he can score with his right leg, he can score with his left leg and he can score with his head. That is some talent.

11. Forward 2 : Berbatov – I hate to include the lazy bum in this 11. He is just the opposite of Park Ji Sung. A lot of quality coupled with a lot of sloth. Started a lot of games for United when a player of the quality and work ethic of Tevez was warming the bench.

Coach : Luiz Felipe Scolari – Benitez was also a contender after his mistimed spat with Ferguson made him look like a bad loser. But the top 2 finish for Liverpool saved him the blushes. As far as Scolari goes, enough has been already said.

I am not biased. I am a Chelsea supporter – Bhagwad Gita XXXV

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21 Responses

Clearly your analysis is CRAP. You’ve basically rummaged through your rusty memory and thought ‘Ok, lets see. Who were the crap Arsenal and United players? Oh and i better include a Liverpool player as well in the list.’ I mean, lets leave the confusing world of passion aside. Lets talk plain pure stats.

Diaby – I’ll admit he was piss poor and i don’t like him one bit. Lets also take Deco. Diaby had 16+8 appearances and scored 4 while Deco had 17+7 and also scored an astounding 3. And don’t talk about injury because Diaby is as injury prone as me. More even. EVEN if you still say Deco was better than Diaby, Nani? How many games DID he play?

Bendtner – He’s no Pele, but look at the stats. He scored 15 times in all competitions while your own Dogba scored only 14. i am not suggesting he’s better than Dogba, but just indicating how biased your article is. Surely he was better than Kalou. Ok he missed a few. But he’s 21. younger than all of us here.

Berbatov??? Everyone knows his USP is not his work rate. Its his sublime skill. Berba started 36 and was subbed in in 7. Malouda, started 39 and came in as a sub in 8. Berba scored 14 and had 8 assists. Malouda had 9 scores and 8 assists. Plus he’s ugly.

Park: What he lacks in skill he makes up for in commitment and he’s an asset to any team really. I really wonder what spectacular performances Ballack put in.

Well, so much for your crap. I wonder if you’ll include Sheva next season now that he’s coming back.

aaaahhhh i was expectin somethin from Maddy in reply to this post and promptly it comes!!! sori i am takin a little long to reply to this tho :p

neways wod agree wiv you the Deco shud have been in the list but hey the post comes with a bias…….in the same way that you have included Drogba as the no.1 certified cunt in ur post wer as i wod have included a certain Tom Henning Overebo!!!

as for Nani i am sure he is included in the list cuz a player who was bought for more that 20mil two years ago (nani and anderson together cost 50mil) wasnt bought to warm the bench…….so the fact that he hasnt made a lot of appearances this season says tht he was shit this season………ohhh wait 6 goals in 30 odd appearances in all competitions isnt a great statistic either!!!!

as for Kalou he has won the title of Dutch footballer of the year wen he was competing with the prodigies at Ajax and PSV…….so he has it in him, just needs the right manager…….again i wod have included Lucas in that list if i’d written the post.
and common i am sure u’d agree that Kalou is better than Bendtner……Kalou atleast hits the post (more often thn i like) but doesnt miss an open goal from 4 yards out!!!! remember Arsenal vs Cardiff??? Bendtner not only missed an open goal from 4 yards out but also allowed the GK to save his effort from the rebound (yes i knw he scored in tht match but he’ll be remembered for that miss not tht goal)

again abt Berba and Malouda……Berba was shit this season even tho he has played in the EPL for a few yrs now…….Malouda has come from a different league and its his first year in the EPL and any player is excused for havin a bad first year……..even then he showed signs of the player that he can be towards the end of the season……sadly for Berba tht wasnt the case and thts why he is in the list…..a 30mil plus signing on the bench for the biggest club competition in the world says a lot abt the season that he has had…….and the faith that the manager had in him.

Ballack was good this season…….how can you doubt that……for all the assists that Lampard has provided Ballack has been feedin him the through balls!!!! for example i suggest you watch the ‘Pool vs Chelsea UCL 1st leg again.

@Nachi,
Kalou as you said maybe has the potential. But has done very little to realize his potential. The same can be said about Nani. If you had watched Man U vs Arsenal FA Cup last time you would understand nani’s potential . By your analogy then maybe even Nani shouldnt feature or Both Nani and Kalou should feature in Apoorvs list . It doesnt work out like that.

A big four team cannot have all its players to be superstars. In most cases not even the playing 11 are.. I need to tell you that they (Oshea and Jonny) were fringe players who wouldnt have gotten their respective opportunities if the regulars had been fit. I mean, i can understand O’shea and Nani but certainly not the other three Man Utd players.

As for Park, he really did show what he can do with admirable performances in the last couple months or so and earnt his place in the finals. More importantly Park has managed to chip in with some important goals also.

And need i remind you of the PFA young player of the year’s final list. Jonny was in that list. While he is not big-four quality yet , he certainly isnt a TWIT.

And if i were to prepare a list like the one you ve put up.Emmanueal Adebayor would walk into that striker’s position. And BERBATOV????????? that fellow oozes quality with his every touch. And 14 goals is certainly not a bad number for a post-RvN Man Utd striker.

But with you there on Eboue, Scolari, Diaby, Silvestre . GK shoulda been Almunia. And the mids list should ve had “is-he-still-in-the-squad” Miniero, Deco,. And strikers Bendtner and Adebayor.

Vishwa,
i’m really surprised u support Berba so much. I mean, he is a joke, absolute joke !! Agreed he is class when he touches the ball…but that only happens when he manages to keep himself awake on the field. As an opponent fan, I could not be more happier if united sell Tevez and keep Berba.

Answer this,
Who took the 1st penalty for united in the FA Cup SF against Everton, was it Berba…or was it the wind ???

To whichever Keyur it may concern,
“..I mean, he is a joke, absolute joke !! Agreed he is class when he touches the ball”…how can anyone be a joke if he is class when he touches the ball. As for your allegation that Berba is asleep half the time. Well…it is his style . He is not as pacy or active or tenacious as you think he is. He is a little bit on the slower side.But his playmaking abilities are unparalleled. His passing is class.

Talking about his penalty, well it was the wind that took it. For Berbatov you may watch Wigan vs Man Utd at Old Trafford, the first minute goal. The way he released Ronaldo shows his class Or may be setting up Ronaldo against West Ham at OT.. Or maybe Chelsea vs Man Utd.

My entire point anywayz was Berbatov does not belong to the leagues of the Eboue Diaby etc. Atleast not when there are players like Adebayor,

“As an opponent fan, I could not be more happier if united sell Tevez and keep Berba”
you have the right to man. Tevez or Berba? one of the most toughest of questions to answers.

That whole penalty miss has been hyped up way too much. It might have been a weak penalty, but had the goalkeeper gone the other way, the commentators would have raved about how ‘Berbatov, the lazy genius, slotted the ball so calmly into the net in such a high-pressure situation’. One error does not make a bad player.

Everyone from Paul Robinson to Vidic has their fair share of errors. Besides, his ‘lazy’ styleof play was the whole intention of bringing him to United. If we wanted someone who ran his ass off, we’d just keep Tevez..

It’s Berbatov’s first season at United. He came after the season began, so I really expect him to do what he did at Tottenham in the 09-10 season. Fergie will develop attacks around his style of play during the summer.

@ Aps :
I totally agree with your big four philosophy, but I request you to add one Mr. Robinho. In away matches, he would just disappear. He surely deserves some mention, at least in the subs (or reserves?)

agree with all of you guys above
Berba has sheer class and intel….no one is doubting that…..the reason why he is in the list is cuz he did not perform to his potential, in the same way that no one doubts Sheva’s class but the fact that he did not perform to his potential wen he played in the EPL ensured that he was top of the list wen ever a similar list was produced for tht season.

Vishwa,
dude i agree wrt Kalou…..but the post is by a Chelsea guy…..those names wont appear!!!! Kalou at least still consistently hits the posts……neways if u think therez more ppl who shud be included……well, you can make ur own list :p

as for Ballack he had a decent season…….he doesnt score as much as he used to for Bayern but thts cuz he plays deeper……and he is more often than not the provider of the thru ball for Lampard who in turn provides the assist for the goal.

Quaresma again doesnt feature cuz he didnt play much, he came in Jan from another league…….didnt get the whole season to prove himself unlike the names mentioned above…….and i am sure u’d agree that u cannot judge a player on half a seasons performances.

No Vishwa, u cannot compare Quaresma with Nani. Nani has been here for 2 seasons now, and if i am not wrong, he got more appearances last season than this one, which means his performances have dipped.
Quaresma came here on Scolari’s whim and i dont think he’s even played 90 mins for Chelsea in total. Yes, for such a list of Serie A players, Quaresma would probably top the list but not in PL.

Nani was injured during the season, so it is unfair to really go at him so viciously. And, he did play quite well last season (watch the second-leg of the semi-final against Barcelona, when he did not let Abidal control the flank)

Quaresma has barely got a chance to play, so i guess him on the list is a tad unfair on the guy..

However, Berbatov has not really been a failure. He has been holding up the play for United up ahead, something that even Nistelrooy didn’t do particularly well.. Also, some of his passes have been excellent (setting up Tevez against ‘Pool and against City), his pass to Rooney against Spurs, etc. He might not have scored a large number of goals, but his contribution to the team has been way too significant for him to get a mention on this list.

And again, Park? His job is to never stop running, that’s his ‘duty’ in the team. As long as he is doing that right, he is contributing to the team. How he finds a spot in this list is quite amazing.

And, what about Dossena? All he did in the whole year was shoot one past Van Der Sar and one past Cassilas. Most people didn’t know he existed before the Madrid game, and forgot about his existence after the match at OT..

Berbatov wasnt really a failure and being a Gunner, I surprise myself with this statement.
But to call Berbatov a failure would be atrocious to be honest. He did have some off times but he had some equally brilliant moments.
But Deco….that was a definite failure.
And Scolari is head and shoulders above Benitez. I am surprised that Rafa is even in contention after giving Liverpool one of their best seasons in the EPL in some time.

If you would take some time to read the ‘About’ pages, you would see why it is ‘bigfourza’. As I notice, you have high attention deficiency disorder, to clasify anyone among as Newcastle fans. Maybe it’s a microscope you need, rather than a binocular.

And to call Ryan Babel the next big thing. Good one, that was my quota of laughs for the day.