November 21, 2013

Good Parenting = Good Kids

…Or
does it?

My son David, now in his 30s, highlights the
struggle I had with writing a book on parenting:

I
believe for my father, writing this book has been the single most
difficult undertaking he has experienced other than my mother having
breast cancer. For two years, as my father wrote this book, his level of
introspection on his methods of parenting has caused large amounts of pain
and even regret. He has painstakingly attempted to expose all of his and
my mother’s struggles, mistakes, and imperfections as parents.

He’s right.
As I wrote, disturbing memories came back to me not only from my own
childhood, but from my failures as a father.
Many days I wanted to give up, feeling completely defeated.

Ironically, though I wanted to give up
writing primarily because I felt I had often failed my own three kids, it was
these same kids who wouldn’t let me quit! They cheered me on, telling me I
needed to give myself more grace. And in the end, they signed off on everything
I shared - the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Some of you need to give yourself more grace
too.

Most of us
assume that if we abide by God’s plan to unconditionally love our kids, we will
have respectful, obedient children in return.

Isn’t this
the guarantee?

No. And this is what really revolutionized my
thinking and parenting. A loving parent
does not guarantee a respectful child.

One day a
repeated statement in the book of Proverbs hit me like a ton of bricks. Over and over Solomon writes to “my
son.” First I thought he was writing
figuratively, but then I realized he was writing to his son Rehoboam who did
not follow his counsel. Solomon was
considered the wisest man to live, yet his own son rejected his wisdom and
chose evil!

I then
researched other parents and offspring in the Bible and what I found were four
different scenarios:

1.Good parents with good kids. (Zacharias
and Elizabeth with John the Baptist.)

2.Bad parents with bad kids. (Ahab
and Jezebel with Ahaziah.)

3.Bad parents with good kids. (King
Ammon and his son Josiah.)

4.Good parents with kids who reject their parent’s
godliness and choose bad. (Samuel had two rebellious sons.)

We all know
the story of the prodigal son. But think about the father. He had two
sons: a selfish, indulgent second born
(the prodigal) and an older son who was self-righteous, judgmental, and
angry.

Would you
invite this father to teach in your church on how to parent?

Probably
not. Yet Jesus tells us that this father represents Abba Father!

Are some of
you parents of a prodigal? Are others of
you standing in judgment of those who are?

I believe that some of you who feel judged
have loved your disobedient child by keeping your eyes on Jesus, and this has
touched the heart of Christ in ways you cannot imagine. I believe you have
parented God's way and will hear "Well done good and faithful
servant" even though your child has wandered away from the faith.

Parenting is
a faith venture. As we parent “unto
Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will
receive the same from the Lord” (Ephesians 6:8 NKJV).

Will you
choose to parent God’s way, in spite of the actions of your child? You too can hear, “Well done, good and
faithful servant.”

Thank you, Mr. Emerson, for sharing your wisdom with the rest of us parents. We have been very encouraged by your Love & Respect series for marriage and can't wait to read your book on L & R in family. Blessings!