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Even Less Late-Breaking Election News!

Posted on Wednesday, November 7, 2012

As I write this, I do not know who won the big mirrorball trophy on Tuesday, and it is not the purpose of this blog to make political statements. However, I would be remiss, wouldn’t I, if I did not report on what the people are saying in the 2012 Blogsy Poll.

A poll of my book picker-uppers comes out almost 100% in favor of book pick-ups on the ground floor.

There is less unanimity among July Book Fair volunteers: about half of them are voting for fewer sandwiches and more desserts, while the more conservative eaters are in favor of even smaller sandwiches that are quicker to eat so they can get back to selling faster. (No, I don’t understand it myself, but that’s the essence of modern politics: one side never understands another. One of our lunch donors was actually notified a few years ago that they just sent way too much food.) You should see the voting when it comes to cookies versus apples.

Checkout workers are overwhelmingly in favor of more poetry books and fewer unabridged dictionaries and sets of encyclopedia. This proportion is reversed among volunteers who look inside the books, who have said they want more coherent sentences and fewer oddly-placed punctuation marks. This should probably be picked up on by any sort of bipartisan effort in the next Book Fair. (An encyclopedia in verse? An encyclopedia OF verse?)

Book sorters would like to vote out of office every author who autographs books on the dedication page, inside the jacket, or other wacky places that are too hard to find. The candidate who offended them most is Edward Gorey, who autographed one of his pop-up books underneath a flap on the first page.

Even Uncle Blogsy must accept defeat occasionally. The exit polls among all people associated with the Book fair show ridiculously huge support for banana boxes. “What would you have to write about?” said one woman in the street, who was almost immediately run over by a fruit truck. It’s one of the problems of being a middle-of-the-road voter.

Book donors, however, seem to have cooled on the banana candidacy, and seem to be moving in droves to the paper bag with paper handles. I wonder if I can call that fruit truck back to run over a few more people in the street.

As with any election, some of the poll results are completely predictable. Buyers favor lower prices and a longer Book Fair, while sellers favor three-digit prices for all books and selling them all in the first two hours of Preview night. A couple of people polled are in favor of ending this costly practice of letting people have their change after a purchase. Like a lot of the predictable results found in other polls, these are all pipe dreams.

Anyway, I’m sure we can pull together all these separated viewpoints and administer a unified Book Fair. After all, we want to sell red books AND blue books, and….

Just a second: they’re announcing Ohio. Did I mention one of these guys gave books to the Book Fair? Wonder what he thinks about banana boxes.

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