February 03, 2014

Sometimes Winning is Everything

Soooo...I guess I'm obligated to start with a nod to the Seahawks who didn't just win the Superbowl yesterday, they CRUSHED! Noah was happy. He needed that. We needed a win.

While we were in bed, watching highlights and commentary, I started falling asleep to the sound of conversations about different teams having a great season and learning how to play as a team, and I thought while all that matters, in the end you either win the Superbowl or you don't.

Some things in life are about the journey. They are about life lessons and experiences along the way. While I believe that our journey on IF Island has taught us many things and made us better people, it is now really about the end result. It's about finding a way to have a family.

Noah and I are gearing up for embryo donation. That is our next play to try and win this battle. A lot of...stuff had to go down in my life for the best choice in making a baby to be having some couple's left over embryo implanted into my uterus. A LOT of....stuff. That...stuff is the journey. That...stuff is what has made us stronger and more patient and more appreciative. But right now we need to put that....stuff aside and focus on our goal. A baby.

Watching the Seahawks fight their way into the end zone time and time again was uplifting for me. It reminded me of how Noah and I keep trying to score a touchdown, but somehow end up pummeled on the sideline instead. Being able to survive on IF Island is like football in several ways. It requires the ability to keep the goal line in sight, and take various paths to try and get there. It takes trying multiple times and various plays to get into the end zone when there are obstacles, or giant men nicknamed Porkchop, standing in your way. It necessitates being able to go down one path, get knocked down, then pick yourself back up to try again. It about being creative. It calls for compromising with kicking a field goal when a touchdown just doesn't seem possible. It demands the ability to think on your feet and revise the plan depending on the roadblocks in front of you. Sometimes it's about passing the ball to someone else, in hopes that they can help you reach the goal. And above all, it's about never giving up.

Noah and I know we want a family, and we've decided living child-free is not an option for us. That may change somewhere down the line, and I have a lot of respect for people who make this difficult decision. I don't see that as giving up. I see that as taking care of yourself and your relationship and knowing when enough is enough. It is redefining your goals once again.

Since Noah and I aren't there yet, we will keep on fighting. At every juncture we have crossed thus far, we have been knocked down. We have had to redefine the goal posts and we've had to find a way to mourn our losses, accept our limitations, and move forward with what we've got.

What we still have is a determination to make a baby. We NEVER thought we'd be in the situation we are in. But here we are. Keeping our eye on the prize.