A pair of long-suffering Gloucestershire County Cricket club fans attempt to put the world (and the Glos administration) to rights. Themes include: Is one England ODI a year a good model for financial success and ground redevelopments, whether a batting average of 35 in Division 2 of the County Championship is acceptable and why Glos continue to be rubbish.

Thursday, 5 July 2012

The Hamish bandwagon is heading to Cardiff

t20: Gloucestershire beat Worcestershire by 7 wickets.

The Jessop Tavern View can picture the scene in the dressing room at Nevil road. Ed Cowan turns up. King John introduces him to the boys. Then O'Mish stands on his little soap box in one corner and reads from a piece of paper.

"Ed Cowan is a grinder. He averages 12 in t20 cricket. His highest score is 25. He's taking the place of a young aspiring Gloucestershire hopeful. He's a mercenary."

Cowan is left fuming. "I've only just arrived", he muses, "and already the press are on my back. Well fuck this. Somebody said I was signing for the county that WG, Hammond, Procter and Walsh use to play for. I thought this would be a proper professional cricket team. First they want me to teach pilates, and now this. Bollocks to it".

Seeing the expression on his face, captain O'Mish comes over. "Don't worry about it Ed", he states, leading Cowan across the dressing room to a large cork notice board on the other side of the room. "It's not the press who write this crap. It's two dicks who think they're big and clever. They just write a blog that's only read by their dad and some bloke who works in an ethnic handbag shop". Cowan scratches his head as if struggling to comprehend, then stammers, "These guys write about division two county cricket in their spare time. Christ! How pathetic can you be."

"We know" says rested captain Gidders walking over. "Look Ed. They're basically pillocks, but we've taken to using the shit they write to fire us up. They kept banging on about how Mish didn't have a hundred in 3 years. Now he's a run machine. They said we didn't have any strike bowlers. Then we ran through top of the table Derbyshire. Now they say signing you is a mistake. Just stick it to them Ed. Just stick it to them."

A few hours later Ed and O'Mish are stood in front of the notice board with a beer and broad grins on their faces. The two of them have contributed a partnership of 142 to help Glos chase down a total of 159 with two overs to spare. "Strewth, those guys really are dicks", Ed murmurs to no one in particular. Mish nods sagely. "But they're propelling us to glory Ed. They're propelling us to glory my boy".