Broodjie Kroket

Oh my, are you ready for your second meat slurry sandwich in as many weeks?!???!!! OHHHH YEAAAAHHHHHHHHHH.

The Broodjie Kroket is a Dutch sandwich, traditionally served as street food. And I will tell you, this is a sandwich that should be eaten (and made) while drunk. Because you have to overcome all of your instincts NOT to eat this sandwich, but, oh friends, it will be worth it.

I am just kidding about making this sandwich drunk because it had approximately ONE BILLION steps, the most critical of which involves a deep fryer. Ok, let’s get into it:

First, purchase your ingredients. Some nice soft rolls, roast beef, spicy mustard, mushrooms and onions, soy sauce, thyme, and stuff to make bechamel. I followed this recipe. I will tell you now (SPOILERS) that our krokets looked absolutely nothing like the picture in this recipe and this woman must be some kind of wizard.

Second, blend all of your ingredients in a food processor, save the rolls and mustard. This includes the bechamel that you have lovingly stirred on the stove. Note: in retrospect, I think I used too much bechamel sauce. The recipe is in UK standard measurements and I would just urge you to be judicious in your bechamel use. This will create a meat slurry. Pop that bad boy in the fridge for several hours.

You would think that the fridge chilling would solidify your meat slurry, but in our case, it sure did not! Friends, I am going to be crude here for a second: these meat slurry “logs” that you form straight up look like doo-doo.

Take your meat slurry logs, which are not easy to pick up and will definitely make you gag, dip them in flour (flour covered turd logs), then in egg, which in our case was, uh, unnecessary, then in bread crumbs.

Then, deep fry for 5 minutes. I believe it is also possible to fry on a stovetop if you are not like me and have not purchased a countertop deep fryer on Craigslist. A deep fryer hides a multitude of sins. Those sins are virtually unrecognizable when put in a nice soft roll and slathered with mustard. They were actually pretty dang tasty.

A couple of tweaks: the Vicomtesse had the brilliant idea to carve out some of the bread, a trick we learned from our Bauru days. It helped. The Vicomtesse also added some pickles to her sandwich number 2 (haha, get it?!), which she contends brought to sandwich to epic levels of deliciousness.

So, final question: Do you immediately want another of this sandwich?

Vicomtesse: I did want another, so I made another one, con pickles. The pickles changed it from a pretty good sandwich, to an incredible one. Though not strictly traditional, I stand behind my decision.

Her Eminence: While the sandwich exceeded my admittedly very low expectations, I was so traumatized by the process of making them, that I did not immediately want another one. I feel, however, with the lessons learned from this first go-round, that I would perhaps try to make it again. Even if only to conquer the turd beasts and show them who is truly the master.