Bog-standard toilet paper no good for soft-ass Yanks

Researchers have found another way in which fat, greedy Americans are snuffing out Mother Planet (aka Dame Earth). To be blunt, it’s through their objectionable use of softer-than-soft bog roll.

While we sturdy Europeans simply wipe once with a dried dock leaf and then carry on as though nothing untoward has happened, it seems that the Yanks are becoming increasingly reliant on multi-ply arse-cleansing solutions, much to the detriment of the aforementioned Lady Globe.

More than 98% of the toilet roll sold in The Land Of The Free comes from virgin forests, which according to Allen Hershkowitz, a senior scientist at the Natural Resources Defence Council is, “a lot worse than driving Hummers in terms of global warming pollution."

So what’s to be done? The yoghurt-weavers at Greenpeace are launching a campaign aimed at educating Americans to snap the fuck out of it, be more like the rest of the world and start using recycled loo roll.

But it’s set to be a tough battle as Americans frantically wipe their way through three times as much lavatory paper per person than the average European, and 100 times more than the average person in China.

Some might say it’s because they’re all completely full of shit but we couldn’t possibly comment…

37 comments

Hukd is supposed to be a family site, and is easily linked to your site, beggars belief some of the drivel you people put on here and the foul language you use and seem to encourage, you should be ashamed of yourselves, Hukd should drop you and soon.

Terrible... Americans should get their act together, and wake up to the world. A bit of recycled bog roll won't kill them. Now to kill off the gas guzzlers and we'll be flying.
Another curious post, and a worthwhile read, thanks BW. Ignore the PC fuckwits who seem to think that swearing is against the law (and moral fibre of the universe) and continue to post things like this :)

Posted by ginner | February 28th, 2009 at 2:01 am
"Hukd is supposed to be a family site"
If any family huddles around a screen to look at HUKD, then they have greater issues than swearwords to deal with.

Ginner, no one's forcing you to click on the links, if you don't want to read it then don't, or do you find yourself buying copious amounts of unwanted tat from the web because you're unable to not click a link? Pillock.

Its not racist , it would be generalising or tarring with the same brush butin reality its merely stairical comment - and commenting on the fact that their flabby butts need triple strength plop wipe paper is merely comment . Im sure theyd send troops around to shut the site down...................... if they had any left due to fighting the 3 squillion wars theyve started ;)

no he shud just stop writing articles and bw b closed, its quite sad that 99% of the readers are from hukd, and 98% of them hate this site.
only way to get views is to stick it on hukd, then say "its nothing to do with hukd"
very sad, just a bunch of idiots swearing and writing about news we heard about a week/month/year ago...delete as appropriate.

Zeddy | February 28th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
"Who’s being racist?
Americans aren’t a race."
Lol at that, so going by your statement I can say something like, I duno, "FUCK all africans - I hope they die!" As africans aren't a race. So this isn't racist. Fix up.
I think is inappropriate to have this comment "Some might say it’s because they’re all completely full of shit but we couldn’t possibly comment…" followed by an acknowledgment of the original writer/publisher ([Guardian - Your Arse Section (Saturday)])- The Guardian. Why not write your own articles instead of poncing off other sources and changing them ever so slightly.

@Skeptikal - From time to time we do write our own articles. Thing is though, there's just four of us here. We're led to believe that there's at least six writers at larger organisations like The Guardian. Thanks for reading though.

Also Skeptikal, not sure if you understand if you understand how newspapers work but I'm fairly certain that the 'original' story in The Guardian came about following a press release from the Natural Resources Defence Council (who are mentioned in the article). The Guardian and similar news organisations get lots of their stories from such press releases, without directly quoting the source.
Having said that, I'd love to think that some junior Guardian hack was dispatched to an American supermarket just to survey customers about their bog roll-buying habits. Probably didn't happen though.

Wow, crazy fascism going on in here, its almost like walking in on a KKK conference meeting, or walking in by accident onto a Nazi movement website. What the article poster failed to address is that the root of the problem is with the industry on the whole making this kind of product. Influence the industry to use recyclable materials, and the average joe wouldn't care what its made of anyway, they would probably by it all the same if it had the name to go with it.
It's no different to the way people here in the UK work, we're always after a bargain, and if the industry were supplying people the same way, then we'd be the ones to look like idiots, right? I'd prefer to be among yanks any day compared to the CHAV culture that breeds in Britain!

England is full of low class CHAVS who only wish they could be Americans, you watch American TV , ,listen to American music and frankly will never be as well off as us with your stupid taxes and high priced shoe box houses. Or as most of you live on council estates. I live in a big house with a pool , pay about $2.69 for gas £1.75 a gallon . Eat shit losers!