Comment by lethal commission on "Imus' Show Yanked—However Women Still Subjected To Subtle Discrimination With Long-Term Impact"http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/AmbitionIsNotADirtyWord-CommentsFeed/~3/Nx2LjuUQZQw/imus-show-yanke.html
<p>I think we all just need to have a more open mind, and be more tolerant of others&#39; beliefs... and, yet, not allow them to think that it is so they can enforce theirs on us.</p>I think we all just need to have a more open mind, and be more tolerant of others' beliefs... and, yet, not allow them to think that it is so they can enforce theirs on us.]]>Imus' Show Yanked—However Women Still Subjected To Subtle Discrimination With Long-Term Impactlethal commission2011-10-23T20:24:10-04:00https://ambitchous.typepad.com/ambition_is_not_a_dirty_w/2007/04/imus-show-yanke.html#c6a00d834e520e953ef0154365c9bd1970cComment by Gwenn on "The Cumulative Effect of Insignificant Decisions Cost Us Big Time"http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/AmbitionIsNotADirtyWord-CommentsFeed/~3/6KoI3_e2X90/the-cumulative-effect-of-insignificant-decisions-cost-us-big-time.html
<p>There&#39;s another layer to this issue, one that isn&#39;t acknowledged as much: women who choose to become full-time mothers are also hurting the women who choose to work. </p>
<p>The problem is two-fold. For one thing, women who choose to quit their jobs in order to focus on family end up cementing the stereotype that women aren&#39;t dependable career-wise and therefore aren&#39;t worth hiring in the first place. What&#39;s more, because women are taking time off for family during the prime years of 30-45, they are not building careers in the same way as men are. The end result is that there are fewer women in positions of power in the business world than there are men. And when it comes to providing opportunities, those fewer women can only do so much to bring younger women up.</p>
<p>No one likes to talk about this aspect of the family-career question for women because it sounds a bit like telling other people how to live their lives. And I&#39;m certainly not intending it that way. In my perfect world, women and men who put their careers on hold to raise the next generation would earn career credits so that they can re-enter the workforce as valued members of society. </p>
<p>Hey, a girl can dream, right?</p>There's another layer to this issue, one that isn't acknowledged as much: women who choose to become full-time mothers are also hurting the women who choose to work.

The problem is two-fold. For one thing, women who choose to quit their jobs in order to focus on family end up cementing the stereotype that women aren't dependable career-wise and therefore aren't worth hiring in the first place. What's more, because women are taking time off for family during the prime years of 30-45, they are not building careers in the same way as men are. The end result is that there are fewer women in positions of power in the business world than there are men. And when it comes to providing opportunities, those fewer women can only do so much to bring younger women up.

No one likes to talk about this aspect of the family-career question for women because it sounds a bit like telling other people how to live their lives. And I'm certainly not intending it that way. In my perfect world, women and men who put their careers on hold to raise the next generation would earn career credits so that they can re-enter the workforce as valued members of society.

Hey, a girl can dream, right?

]]>The Cumulative Effect of Insignificant Decisions Cost Us Big TimeGwenn2011-07-03T00:00:22-04:00https://ambitchous.typepad.com/ambition_is_not_a_dirty_w/2011/05/the-cumulative-effect-of-insignificant-decisions-cost-us-big-time.html#c6a00d834e520e953ef014e898e5167970dComment by Maria on "THE WORLD DESERVES TO HEAR FROM US "http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/AmbitionIsNotADirtyWord-CommentsFeed/~3/8Pupsnxox1M/theworlddeservestohearfromus.html
<p>Amen! Someone that finally says it as it is. Thanks for your inspiring article Debra. Now i cant wait to get my hands on your book. <br />
I was happy when at my last job I was called a B! And I worked very hard to deserve that title. Always aiming for more, being direct and having high expectations. But I couldn&#39;t take it anymore. In felt chained down by the low aspirations and expectations that surrounded me so I decided to set up my own company focusing on boosting women&#39;s confidence, drop the excuses and go for what they want and deserve. </p>
<p>I will be sharing this article with my clients and tribe and I look forward to reading more of your inspiring words. </p>
<p>Thank you!<br />
</p>Amen! Someone that finally says it as it is. Thanks for your inspiring article Debra. Now i cant wait to get my hands on your book.
I was happy when at my last job I was called a B! And I worked very hard to deserve that title. Always aiming for more, being direct and having high expectations. But I couldn't take it anymore. In felt chained down by the low aspirations and expectations that surrounded me so I decided to set up my own company focusing on boosting women's confidence, drop the excuses and go for what they want and deserve.

I will be sharing this article with my clients and tribe and I look forward to reading more of your inspiring words.

Thank you!

]]>THE WORLD DESERVES TO HEAR FROM US Maria2010-12-09T06:44:46-05:00https://ambitchous.typepad.com/ambition_is_not_a_dirty_w/2010/12/theworlddeservestohearfromus.html#c6a00d834e520e953ef0148c68d96cb970cComment by Sam S. @ home business opportunities on "How to Start Your Own Business While Working Full-Time For Someone Else"http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/AmbitionIsNotADirtyWord-CommentsFeed/~3/UL05fxRA2dc/how-to-start-your-own-business-while-working-fulltime-for-someone-else.html
<p>That&#39;s a very refreshing preparation of starting a business. I think planning is really a good start.<br />
You can think of what niche you will work on base on your skills and hobby as the focus of your business.</p>That's a very refreshing preparation of starting a business. I think planning is really a good start.
You can think of what niche you will work on base on your skills and hobby as the focus of your business.]]>How to Start Your Own Business While Working Full-Time For Someone ElseSam S. @ home business opportunities2010-10-20T09:00:05-04:00https://ambitchous.typepad.com/ambition_is_not_a_dirty_w/2009/01/how-to-start-your-own-business-while-working-fulltime-for-someone-else.html#c6a00d834e520e953ef0133f5364c54970bComment by Nursing tops on "Braccio Hering, Beth. "MSN Careers - Asking For-and Maximizing-the Informational Interview", CareerBuilders.com, 11 Mar. 2010"http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/AmbitionIsNotADirtyWord-CommentsFeed/~3/-dy3XMW08v0/braccio-hering-beth-msn-careers-asking-forand-maximizingthe-informational-interview-careerbuildersco.html
<p>interesting post! you know i never get so interested on blogs but when i read this post! excellent! i think i like it :D</p>interesting post! you know i never get so interested on blogs but when i read this post! excellent! i think i like it :D]]>Braccio Hering, Beth. "MSN Careers - Asking For-and Maximizing-the Informational Interview", CareerBuilders.com, 11 Mar. 2010Nursing tops2010-06-28T22:13:44-04:00https://ambitchous.typepad.com/ambition_is_not_a_dirty_w/2010/03/braccio-hering-beth-msn-careers-asking-forand-maximizingthe-informational-interview-careerbuildersco.html#c6a00d834e520e953ef0133f1ed05a0970bComment by Debra Condren on "Get More Power From Powerful Advice"http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/AmbitionIsNotADirtyWord-CommentsFeed/~3/z95FKNrQLW4/get-more-power.html
<p>Yes, you would think that the truly ambitious would have no problem asking for help. But women do (at first). Here&#39;s why.</p>
<p>The ambitious woman’s unwillingness to ask for help is rooted in this socially sanctioned self-sabotage:</p>
<p><br />
SHEEP’S CLOTHING (overt message): Women should be self-sufficient—especially in today’s marketplace. They need to present themselves as unwaveringly confident, tough, and equal in order to hold onto respect in the professional arena.</p>
<p>WOLF (covert message): Asking for feedback and advice exposes a weak, feminine underbelly. Asking for help is shameful, something to hide. It means they don’t know their stuff.</p>
<p>SOCIALLY SANCTIONED SELF-SABOTAGE: You isolate yourself professionally. You believe your colleagues always know how to handle business dilemmas and you’re the only one who needs help. You berate yourself for not having all of the answers. You don’t take advantage of professional development opportunities—even those your company will reimburse you for—because you’re ashamed or embarrassed. Or you don’t invest the time, effort and money into assembling unpaid or paid steering committee members to turn to for expert advice or feedback because you think you should be able to figure everything out on your own. </p>
<p><br />
The good news is this: Once a woman understands the common ways we self-sabotage, and once she realizes, &quot;Hey, it&#39;s not just me; I&#39;m not some freak -- and I CAN CHANGE THIS,&quot; then a light bulb goes off in her consciousness. And she never looks back. </p>
<p>She takes charge of her professional destiny. She learns to firmly insist on getting paid what she’s worth. She feels powerful in a new way—and owning it feels comfortable to her. She learns to feel great about being recognized for her professional accomplishments. She learns to set boundaries with colleagues and people in her personal life so that her needs get met, not trampled on. She learns that she can act with professional integrity and treat others like human beings, but that she feels just fine about the fact that not everyone is going to like her when she stands up to those who would steal her thunder. </p>
<p>She becomes unapologetically ambitious. </p>
<p><br />
A couple of quotes from women I&#39;ve worked with on forming and using advisory boards:</p>
<p>&quot;The single most important thing I learned through my participation<br />
in the Women’s Business Alliance is that it’s o.k. to ask for help.&quot; <br />
—Barbara Weldon, D.C., Chiropractor, Marin County, California. </p>
<p>&quot;I call it my Dream Team.&quot;<br />
—Andrea Henderson, 37. Columbia M.B.A. class of 2005. </p>
<p><br />
I’ve seen this transformation occur with thousands of women I’ve worked with as a business psychologist, executive coach, and founder of the Women&#39;s Business Alliance, an organization that has served as a motivational think tank for 3,000 women over thirteen years and that was recognized with a U.S. Small Business Alliance &quot;Women In Business Advocate of the Year&quot; award. </p>
<p>I wrote my book Ambition Is Not A Dirty Word, a career and life guide for women (Random House/Broadway), to support that same shift in as many women as possible. In my book and in my coaching work, I show women how to be their most ambitious selves — and how be her right now.</p>
<p>Ambitious women -- and men -- owe it to ourselves to make the contribution we were born to make. The world deserves to hear from us.</p>Yes, you would think that the truly ambitious would have no problem asking for help. But women do (at first). Here's why.

The ambitious woman’s unwillingness to ask for help is rooted in this socially sanctioned self-sabotage:

SHEEP’S CLOTHING (overt message): Women should be self-sufficient—especially in today’s marketplace. They need to present themselves as unwaveringly confident, tough, and equal in order to hold onto respect in the professional arena.

WOLF (covert message): Asking for feedback and advice exposes a weak, feminine underbelly. Asking for help is shameful, something to hide. It means they don’t know their stuff.

SOCIALLY SANCTIONED SELF-SABOTAGE: You isolate yourself professionally. You believe your colleagues always know how to handle business dilemmas and you’re the only one who needs help. You berate yourself for not having all of the answers. You don’t take advantage of professional development opportunities—even those your company will reimburse you for—because you’re ashamed or embarrassed. Or you don’t invest the time, effort and money into assembling unpaid or paid steering committee members to turn to for expert advice or feedback because you think you should be able to figure everything out on your own.

The good news is this: Once a woman understands the common ways we self-sabotage, and once she realizes, "Hey, it's not just me; I'm not some freak -- and I CAN CHANGE THIS," then a light bulb goes off in her consciousness. And she never looks back.

She takes charge of her professional destiny. She learns to firmly insist on getting paid what she’s worth. She feels powerful in a new way—and owning it feels comfortable to her. She learns to feel great about being recognized for her professional accomplishments. She learns to set boundaries with colleagues and people in her personal life so that her needs get met, not trampled on. She learns that she can act with professional integrity and treat others like human beings, but that she feels just fine about the fact that not everyone is going to like her when she stands up to those who would steal her thunder.

She becomes unapologetically ambitious.

A couple of quotes from women I've worked with on forming and using advisory boards:

"The single most important thing I learned through my participation
in the Women’s Business Alliance is that it’s o.k. to ask for help."
—Barbara Weldon, D.C., Chiropractor, Marin County, California.

I’ve seen this transformation occur with thousands of women I’ve worked with as a business psychologist, executive coach, and founder of the Women's Business Alliance, an organization that has served as a motivational think tank for 3,000 women over thirteen years and that was recognized with a U.S. Small Business Alliance "Women In Business Advocate of the Year" award.

I wrote my book Ambition Is Not A Dirty Word, a career and life guide for women (Random House/Broadway), to support that same shift in as many women as possible. In my book and in my coaching work, I show women how to be their most ambitious selves — and how be her right now.

Ambitious women -- and men -- owe it to ourselves to make the contribution we were born to make. The world deserves to hear from us.

]]>Get More Power From Powerful AdviceDebra Condren2010-04-26T11:00:25-04:00https://ambitchous.typepad.com/ambition_is_not_a_dirty_w/2008/06/get-more-power.html#c6a00d834e520e953ef01348026cd68970cComment by Samuel on "Get More Power From Powerful Advice"http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/AmbitionIsNotADirtyWord-CommentsFeed/~3/1XKfpNme2MA/get-more-power.html
<p>You&#39;d think the truly ambitious would have no problem asking for help. After all, if you&#39;re ambitious enough you&#39;ll ask favors of most people to get where you want to go.</p>You'd think the truly ambitious would have no problem asking for help. After all, if you're ambitious enough you'll ask favors of most people to get where you want to go.]]>Get More Power From Powerful AdviceSamuel2010-04-25T21:32:50-04:00https://ambitchous.typepad.com/ambition_is_not_a_dirty_w/2008/06/get-more-power.html#c6a00d834e520e953ef013480232cf0970cComment by Debra Condren on "Do Less and Make More"http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/AmbitionIsNotADirtyWord-CommentsFeed/~3/SJA9koE-Yow/do-less-and-make-more.html
<p>Re: &quot;I finally did hire some outside help, because, like a lot of women, I think I can do it all and all it does is add more stress to my already stress-filled life.&quot; Thanks for your comment, Chris. And, as my peeps know, you&#39;re one of my all-time top resources for outsourcing social media tasks. You&#39;ve certainly lightened my load, taking over important functions that just didn&#39;t fit in my in box--and you do them so much better and faster. And I&#39;m freed up to do meaningful, challenging work that I enjoy rather than trying to wear every one of the ten or so hats the entrepreneur must wear, or delegate. <br />
</p>Re: "I finally did hire some outside help, because, like a lot of women, I think I can do it all and all it does is add more stress to my already stress-filled life." Thanks for your comment, Chris. And, as my peeps know, you're one of my all-time top resources for outsourcing social media tasks. You've certainly lightened my load, taking over important functions that just didn't fit in my in box--and you do them so much better and faster. And I'm freed up to do meaningful, challenging work that I enjoy rather than trying to wear every one of the ten or so hats the entrepreneur must wear, or delegate. ]]>Do Less and Make MoreDebra Condren2009-04-14T15:19:56-04:00https://ambitchous.typepad.com/ambition_is_not_a_dirty_w/2009/04/do-less-and-make-more.html#c6a00d834e520e953ef01156f264007970cComment by Christine Buffaloe on "Do Less and Make More"http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/AmbitionIsNotADirtyWord-CommentsFeed/~3/lBmAXZZBwwU/do-less-and-make-more.html
<p>Debra,<br />
This is a fantastic article. I love the way you break it down. I wonder just how many people do the math like that. <br />
I finally did hire some outside help, because, like a lot of women, I think I can do it all and all it does is add more stress to my already stress-filled life.<br />
Thank you so much for bringing this to our attention!</p>
<p>Sincerely,<br />
Christine Buffaloe</p>Debra,
This is a fantastic article. I love the way you break it down. I wonder just how many people do the math like that.
I finally did hire some outside help, because, like a lot of women, I think I can do it all and all it does is add more stress to my already stress-filled life.
Thank you so much for bringing this to our attention!

Sincerely,
Christine Buffaloe

]]>Do Less and Make MoreChristine Buffaloe2009-04-14T15:12:37-04:00https://ambitchous.typepad.com/ambition_is_not_a_dirty_w/2009/04/do-less-and-make-more.html#c6a00d834e520e953ef01156f262475970cComment by Alisa on "Staying True To Our Dreams Makes Us The Best Parents We Can Be"http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/AmbitionIsNotADirtyWord-CommentsFeed/~3/8YJ58QzWqts/staying-true-to-our-dreams-makes-us-the-best-parents.html
<p>Debra, great response. I agree with everything you said. My boyfriend and I cannot agree on money vs. living. He believes that making a decent living requires giving up living a good life. I see it differently: who paid for the vacation to see his parents on the other side of the country? Who has been supporting him while he suffers from this economy? Who paid for the bed and breakfast weekend-getaway last year? Not his paycheck. But he chose an industry that he loves, that involves fewer hours, however pays less than mine. Yet - my salary is consistent, and, although I do not love my job, I love that I am able to rely on its security, consistency and salary increases...and stability during difficult economic times.</p>
<p>My next questions to him, and anyone who attacks those of us who have chosen to sacrifice &quot;free time&quot; to build a career, are: Who will pay for private school if we have a child? Better yet, who will pay for the diapers? The copays for the delivery? The babysitter? The dance lessons? Ballet slippers and tap shoes? The school projects requiring construction paper, clay and other art supplies? Who will pay for it all: LOVE of the job?</p>
<p>In exchange for mommy doing what she has to do to make a good salary, we all get to go to museums, and plays, and we get to participate in recitals, and be on soccer teams, and buy costumes for the school play, and go away on school trips. Is mommy a bad mommy because she took a job that required a lot of effort, started her own part-time business, and showed the kids how to manage their time effectively because time is precious? During their &quot;down time&quot;, my children won&#39;t learn to lay around on the sofa watching commercials in between reruns of anything on tv that doesn&#39;t require thought. </p>
<p>I will buy your book, tomorrow, as a matter of fact. I am thankful for having found you since I have felt conflicted for a long time about society-imposed rules on what I must do in order to &quot;have it all&quot; (which was pretty much: pick one or the other, you can&#39;t have both). Even balance is not the key. Peace and happiness are the keys. And my definition of success is different from anyone else&#39;s. To have my children look at me and be inspired to be all they can be through their careers and in their lives would be a great achievement. As a parent, I will strive to give my children the tools they need to be effective, positive members of this society: tools to help them overcome obstacles, deal with disappointment, to be compassionate, to make sensible decisions, to have integrity, to be self-sufficient, etc.</p>Debra, great response. I agree with everything you said. My boyfriend and I cannot agree on money vs. living. He believes that making a decent living requires giving up living a good life. I see it differently: who paid for the vacation to see his parents on the other side of the country? Who has been supporting him while he suffers from this economy? Who paid for the bed and breakfast weekend-getaway last year? Not his paycheck. But he chose an industry that he loves, that involves fewer hours, however pays less than mine. Yet - my salary is consistent, and, although I do not love my job, I love that I am able to rely on its security, consistency and salary increases...and stability during difficult economic times.

My next questions to him, and anyone who attacks those of us who have chosen to sacrifice "free time" to build a career, are: Who will pay for private school if we have a child? Better yet, who will pay for the diapers? The copays for the delivery? The babysitter? The dance lessons? Ballet slippers and tap shoes? The school projects requiring construction paper, clay and other art supplies? Who will pay for it all: LOVE of the job?

In exchange for mommy doing what she has to do to make a good salary, we all get to go to museums, and plays, and we get to participate in recitals, and be on soccer teams, and buy costumes for the school play, and go away on school trips. Is mommy a bad mommy because she took a job that required a lot of effort, started her own part-time business, and showed the kids how to manage their time effectively because time is precious? During their "down time", my children won't learn to lay around on the sofa watching commercials in between reruns of anything on tv that doesn't require thought.

I will buy your book, tomorrow, as a matter of fact. I am thankful for having found you since I have felt conflicted for a long time about society-imposed rules on what I must do in order to "have it all" (which was pretty much: pick one or the other, you can't have both). Even balance is not the key. Peace and happiness are the keys. And my definition of success is different from anyone else's. To have my children look at me and be inspired to be all they can be through their careers and in their lives would be a great achievement. As a parent, I will strive to give my children the tools they need to be effective, positive members of this society: tools to help them overcome obstacles, deal with disappointment, to be compassionate, to make sensible decisions, to have integrity, to be self-sufficient, etc.

]]>Staying True To Our Dreams Makes Us The Best Parents We Can BeAlisa2009-02-16T21:03:24-05:00https://ambitchous.typepad.com/ambition_is_not_a_dirty_w/2009/01/staying-true-to-our-dreams-makes-us-the-best-parents.html#c6a00d834e520e953ef011278dea66e28a4Comment by vera babayeva on "Staying True To Our Dreams Makes Us The Best Parents We Can Be"http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/AmbitionIsNotADirtyWord-CommentsFeed/~3/FOMaV78lRao/staying-true-to-our-dreams-makes-us-the-best-parents.html
<p>we can argue about this forever. the fact is we have very different points of view. I see something greater and want that something greater then a life of a cubicle. so if that&#39;s what makes you happy, that&#39;s fine. just please don&#39;t come on try to make us see things through your eyes, we don&#39;t want to. </p>we can argue about this forever. the fact is we have very different points of view. I see something greater and want that something greater then a life of a cubicle. so if that's what makes you happy, that's fine. just please don't come on try to make us see things through your eyes, we don't want to. ]]>Staying True To Our Dreams Makes Us The Best Parents We Can Bevera babayeva2009-01-31T20:31:52-05:00https://ambitchous.typepad.com/ambition_is_not_a_dirty_w/2009/01/staying-true-to-our-dreams-makes-us-the-best-parents.html#c6a00d834e520e953ef011168386528970cComment by jim on "Staying True To Our Dreams Makes Us The Best Parents We Can Be"http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/AmbitionIsNotADirtyWord-CommentsFeed/~3/aVS4lf8wOs4/staying-true-to-our-dreams-makes-us-the-best-parents.html
<p>vera, revolutionary road is one of my favorite novels of all time. if i remember correctly, it doesn&#39;t wind up too well for any of them. </p>
<p>i&#39;d also recommend richard yates&#39;s short stories. yates does authentic child characterizations better than anyone, and there are many children that populate his short stories. from yates, i&#39;d move on back to john cheever, or go on ahead to michael chabon. </p>
<p>as for your 5 year old, i suggest you let him work out what he wants to do in his own good time, with your guidance and support of course. he may turn out to be a better surfer than a business builder. would that be a disappointment to you?</p>
<p>vera, i would not characterize myself as bitter at all. i prefer to think i&#39;m quite real. about as real as it gets.</p>
<p>i haven&#39;t settled for less; i just don&#39;t prefer that much more than i already have. frankly, i love the routine of my cubicle life, and find your disdain for it typically romantic. </p>
<p>to me, dreams are what i sometimes have while i&#39;m sleeping, and my inspiration is sometimes filled with carcinogenic smoke, especially on the weekends. in other words, i&#39;m pretty much inspired whenever i&#39;m conscious. the rest is simply work, the practice of living, and the pleasure of my relationships. <br />
</p>vera, revolutionary road is one of my favorite novels of all time. if i remember correctly, it doesn't wind up too well for any of them.

i'd also recommend richard yates's short stories. yates does authentic child characterizations better than anyone, and there are many children that populate his short stories. from yates, i'd move on back to john cheever, or go on ahead to michael chabon.

as for your 5 year old, i suggest you let him work out what he wants to do in his own good time, with your guidance and support of course. he may turn out to be a better surfer than a business builder. would that be a disappointment to you?

vera, i would not characterize myself as bitter at all. i prefer to think i'm quite real. about as real as it gets.

i haven't settled for less; i just don't prefer that much more than i already have. frankly, i love the routine of my cubicle life, and find your disdain for it typically romantic.

to me, dreams are what i sometimes have while i'm sleeping, and my inspiration is sometimes filled with carcinogenic smoke, especially on the weekends. in other words, i'm pretty much inspired whenever i'm conscious. the rest is simply work, the practice of living, and the pleasure of my relationships.

]]>Staying True To Our Dreams Makes Us The Best Parents We Can Bejim2009-01-30T15:46:01-05:00https://ambitchous.typepad.com/ambition_is_not_a_dirty_w/2009/01/staying-true-to-our-dreams-makes-us-the-best-parents.html#c6a00d834e520e953ef010536fb7ff2970bComment by vera babayeva on "Staying True To Our Dreams Makes Us The Best Parents We Can Be"http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/AmbitionIsNotADirtyWord-CommentsFeed/~3/R7Zf1y_HHH4/staying-true-to-our-dreams-makes-us-the-best-parents.html
<p>Oh my G-d, Jim, you are oh so bitter. Go drink some sweet tea and get some sunshine and sweeten up your day. Just because you settled for the routine, doesn&#39;t mean we all have to. <br />
I escaped corporate America, the steady paycheck, because I believe in something greater. Yeah there are countries where people live in poverty, but we are in USA a country with countless opportunities and how can you pass up on that. <br />
There are those that settle for less and there are those that seek greatness. And inspire their children to seek greatness. <br />
I am already telling my five year old son that he will build a company and work for himself. I immigrated to this country from former Soviet Union and my parents brought me here to give me the endless opportunities this country offers, so take advantage and be happy. </p>
<p>Go watch the movie Revolutionary Road, it really points out how one just settles in their comfort zone and never dares to face their fears. To me that&#39;s no fun. <br />
<br />
And this thing about one child, please, you become a parent once you have a child. I know my parents say the same thing, and certainly it&#39;s harder to manage two or three kids then one kid, but it&#39;s not fair to say that having one kids does not count. </p>Oh my G-d, Jim, you are oh so bitter. Go drink some sweet tea and get some sunshine and sweeten up your day. Just because you settled for the routine, doesn't mean we all have to.
I escaped corporate America, the steady paycheck, because I believe in something greater. Yeah there are countries where people live in poverty, but we are in USA a country with countless opportunities and how can you pass up on that.
There are those that settle for less and there are those that seek greatness. And inspire their children to seek greatness.
I am already telling my five year old son that he will build a company and work for himself. I immigrated to this country from former Soviet Union and my parents brought me here to give me the endless opportunities this country offers, so take advantage and be happy.

Go watch the movie Revolutionary Road, it really points out how one just settles in their comfort zone and never dares to face their fears. To me that's no fun.

And this thing about one child, please, you become a parent once you have a child. I know my parents say the same thing, and certainly it's harder to manage two or three kids then one kid, but it's not fair to say that having one kids does not count.

]]>Staying True To Our Dreams Makes Us The Best Parents We Can Bevera babayeva2009-01-30T12:48:28-05:00https://ambitchous.typepad.com/ambition_is_not_a_dirty_w/2009/01/staying-true-to-our-dreams-makes-us-the-best-parents.html#c6a00d834e520e953ef010537041962970cComment by jim on "Staying True To Our Dreams Makes Us The Best Parents We Can Be"http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/AmbitionIsNotADirtyWord-CommentsFeed/~3/2qAUifp1Xc4/staying-true-to-our-dreams-makes-us-the-best-parents.html
<p>debra, thanks for your response, yes, balance is the important thing, and it&#39;s going to be different for every family. and there&#39;s nothing wrong with &quot;dreams&quot; and &quot;ambition,&quot; but let&#39;s not overrate them and insult everybody else who could really care less about what you do to make money, or how much money you make, which, to me, is completely superficial and has nothing to do with deep or passionate living. </p>
<p>let&#39;s face it, most jobs suck, even the ones we love. most people don&#39;t get to thoroughly enjoy what they do for a living. many people, however, do have the imaginative capacity--or have been trained--to create the illusion that what they do for a living is interesting and matters. however, in the world, even more people live in jobless poverty, so having a steady job that pays the bills without killing you is something to be grateful for. that&#39;s what i&#39;m telling my children. </p>
<p>as a parent, the only way to inspire children is to be honest and expressive, and to be able to provide them the opportunities to explore their own passions and/or talents. or children can be inspired by the poor, abusive, or indifference you or society may have had for them. your own personal career and ambition has very little to do with inspiring your son. that is an illusion. your son is merely reacting in a positive manner to his biological involvement with his environment.</p>
<p>incidentally, debra, please keep in mind: i think it was bill cosby who said something like... you&#39;re not really parenting until you have more than one child--which i do firmly believe--so it&#39;s really difficult for me to take any parenting advice from somebody who only has had only one child, despite your wildly successful and proud story. </p>debra, thanks for your response, yes, balance is the important thing, and it's going to be different for every family. and there's nothing wrong with "dreams" and "ambition," but let's not overrate them and insult everybody else who could really care less about what you do to make money, or how much money you make, which, to me, is completely superficial and has nothing to do with deep or passionate living.

let's face it, most jobs suck, even the ones we love. most people don't get to thoroughly enjoy what they do for a living. many people, however, do have the imaginative capacity--or have been trained--to create the illusion that what they do for a living is interesting and matters. however, in the world, even more people live in jobless poverty, so having a steady job that pays the bills without killing you is something to be grateful for. that's what i'm telling my children.

as a parent, the only way to inspire children is to be honest and expressive, and to be able to provide them the opportunities to explore their own passions and/or talents. or children can be inspired by the poor, abusive, or indifference you or society may have had for them. your own personal career and ambition has very little to do with inspiring your son. that is an illusion. your son is merely reacting in a positive manner to his biological involvement with his environment.

incidentally, debra, please keep in mind: i think it was bill cosby who said something like... you're not really parenting until you have more than one child--which i do firmly believe--so it's really difficult for me to take any parenting advice from somebody who only has had only one child, despite your wildly successful and proud story.

]]>Staying True To Our Dreams Makes Us The Best Parents We Can Bejim2009-01-29T13:58:15-05:00https://ambitchous.typepad.com/ambition_is_not_a_dirty_w/2009/01/staying-true-to-our-dreams-makes-us-the-best-parents.html#c6a00d834e520e953ef010536f8c0e1970bComment by Debra Condren on "Finding Fulfillment Between a Rock and a Hard Place"http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/AmbitionIsNotADirtyWord-CommentsFeed/~3/TE55gKoIHHE/finding-fulfillment-between-a-rock-and-a-hard-place.html
<p>Dear Jim: Thank you for your comments. I have responded to your thoughts in my January 18, 2009 post, &quot;Staying True To Our Dreams Makes Us The Best Parents We Can Be&quot;. Sincerely, Debra Condren</p>Dear Jim: Thank you for your comments. I have responded to your thoughts in my January 18, 2009 post, "Staying True To Our Dreams Makes Us The Best Parents We Can Be". Sincerely, Debra Condren]]>Finding Fulfillment Between a Rock and a Hard PlaceDebra Condren2009-01-18T15:26:26-05:00https://ambitchous.typepad.com/ambition_is_not_a_dirty_w/2009/01/finding-fulfillment-between-a-rock-and-a-hard-place.html#c6a00d834e520e953ef010536d7895c970bComment by jim on "Finding Fulfillment Between a Rock and a Hard Place"http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/AmbitionIsNotADirtyWord-CommentsFeed/~3/wQ0uoSCi6eQ/finding-fulfillment-between-a-rock-and-a-hard-place.html
<p>life is not, i repeat, not long. at best you have about 74 years on this planet. your children, however, will not be young forever. if you want them to be around you when you are 74, you may want to invest as much time and energy into their upbringing as necessary to gain and secure their unconditional love for those years when you will need them down the stretch. 10 year olds really don&#39;t care about your career, or how much money you make. my wife&#39;s mantra, when i was obsessed with my career was this: your children are only young once...</p>life is not, i repeat, not long. at best you have about 74 years on this planet. your children, however, will not be young forever. if you want them to be around you when you are 74, you may want to invest as much time and energy into their upbringing as necessary to gain and secure their unconditional love for those years when you will need them down the stretch. 10 year olds really don't care about your career, or how much money you make. my wife's mantra, when i was obsessed with my career was this: your children are only young once...]]>Finding Fulfillment Between a Rock and a Hard Placejim 2009-01-12T13:07:04-05:00https://ambitchous.typepad.com/ambition_is_not_a_dirty_w/2009/01/finding-fulfillment-between-a-rock-and-a-hard-place.html#c6a00d834e520e953ef010536c901b1970cComment by Jennifer Harrison on "Get Unstuck by Recognizing Your Expertise"http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/AmbitionIsNotADirtyWord-CommentsFeed/~3/VJQ0jSpP5xM/get-unstuck-by-recognizing-your-expertise.html
<p>Debra, what an inspiring post. It sounds like everyone should get in the habit of keeping a folder or scrapbook of their wins as a constant reminder of what value we all bring to the table.</p>Debra, what an inspiring post. It sounds like everyone should get in the habit of keeping a folder or scrapbook of their wins as a constant reminder of what value we all bring to the table.]]>Get Unstuck by Recognizing Your ExpertiseJennifer Harrison2009-01-05T13:30:31-05:00https://ambitchous.typepad.com/ambition_is_not_a_dirty_w/2009/01/get-unstuck-by-recognizing-your-expertise.html#c6a00d834e520e953ef010536b4347a970cComment by Party Plan Pat on "Get Unstuck by Recognizing Your Expertise"http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/AmbitionIsNotADirtyWord-CommentsFeed/~3/fDe9_-Au-qA/get-unstuck-by-recognizing-your-expertise.html
<p>What a fabulous post to get one going for the new year! Being one of the lucky people born at the beginning of the year, I wait until my birthday before I start seriously deciding what I want to accomplish. Yikes! I only have one more day.</p>
<p>I quit my job, which I loved dearly, and boy it was a rough year. I didn&#39;t realize just how much I leaned on that job to define my worth at the expense of me. Well a year and some few months later I am glad to report that I have found myself, renew, refreshed and rejuvenated and tell you what, My worth will never be defined by forces out-side of me. I am grateful and I am thankful for the journey and experience.</p>
<p>You know what they say, &quot;when you work hard at a job, you make a living, when you work hard on yourself, you make a fortune!&quot; -Jim Rohn</p>
<p>Well all I can say is hello fortune!</p>What a fabulous post to get one going for the new year! Being one of the lucky people born at the beginning of the year, I wait until my birthday before I start seriously deciding what I want to accomplish. Yikes! I only have one more day.

I quit my job, which I loved dearly, and boy it was a rough year. I didn't realize just how much I leaned on that job to define my worth at the expense of me. Well a year and some few months later I am glad to report that I have found myself, renew, refreshed and rejuvenated and tell you what, My worth will never be defined by forces out-side of me. I am grateful and I am thankful for the journey and experience.

You know what they say, "when you work hard at a job, you make a living, when you work hard on yourself, you make a fortune!" -Jim Rohn

]]>Small Business Holiday Marketing on a ShoestringJenna2008-11-17T15:08:44-05:00https://ambitchous.typepad.com/ambition_is_not_a_dirty_w/2008/11/small-business-holiday-marketing-on-a-shoestring.html#c139456044Comment by d. r. on "Small Business Holiday Marketing on a Shoestring"http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/AmbitionIsNotADirtyWord-CommentsFeed/~3/w77eqm4_obg/small-business-holiday-marketing-on-a-shoestring.html
<p>Thank you very much for this insightful idea. I love coming on line on a Saturday and brousing the web vs. wasting away in front of a college football game. I admire people like you who not only are inventive, however take the time to share it with others. Thank you.</p>Thank you very much for this insightful idea. I love coming on line on a Saturday and brousing the web vs. wasting away in front of a college football game. I admire people like you who not only are inventive, however take the time to share it with others. Thank you.]]>Small Business Holiday Marketing on a Shoestringd. r.2008-11-15T16:39:55-05:00https://ambitchous.typepad.com/ambition_is_not_a_dirty_w/2008/11/small-business-holiday-marketing-on-a-shoestring.html#c139269608Comment by Heather White on "3 Tips To Boost Small Business Working Capital"http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/AmbitionIsNotADirtyWord-CommentsFeed/~3/t255y1iUhM8/3-tips-to-boost.html
<p>Debra,</p>
<p>I love and agree with all your advise. I faced the same challenges when I left a corporate job and started my own business. Building business with client money is definitely the easiest way to get around the need for capital in order to grow. Thanks for the great advise!</p>Debra,

I love and agree with all your advise. I faced the same challenges when I left a corporate job and started my own business. Building business with client money is definitely the easiest way to get around the need for capital in order to grow. Thanks for the great advise!

]]>3 Tips To Boost Small Business Working CapitalHeather White2008-08-05T11:41:19-04:00https://ambitchous.typepad.com/ambition_is_not_a_dirty_w/2008/07/3-tips-to-boost.html#c125316218Comment by Terry on " Working Moms Look Back with Mixed Emotions"http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/AmbitionIsNotADirtyWord-CommentsFeed/~3/Dxgiwe6YI9E/working-moms-lo.html
<p>We probably wouldn&#39;t be having this debate if fathers were encouraged to take a more active role in raising their children.</p>
<p>I read a news story about a year ago about a Connecticut woman who was being prosecuted for leaving her children alone in a car while she worked. She was lambasted as a rotten mother and an evil person. The press showed her no mercy.</p>
<p>Nobody seemed to care why she left the children in the car. Probably she needed to work to feed them, and she didn&#39;t have childcare. </p>
<p>Nobody said a word about the father or why he wasn&#39;t caring for his children. Nobody said a single thing about him. </p>
<p>If women are ever going to get ahead in this society, we need to choose better fathers for our children.</p>We probably wouldn't be having this debate if fathers were encouraged to take a more active role in raising their children.

I read a news story about a year ago about a Connecticut woman who was being prosecuted for leaving her children alone in a car while she worked. She was lambasted as a rotten mother and an evil person. The press showed her no mercy.

Nobody seemed to care why she left the children in the car. Probably she needed to work to feed them, and she didn't have childcare.

Nobody said a word about the father or why he wasn't caring for his children. Nobody said a single thing about him.

If women are ever going to get ahead in this society, we need to choose better fathers for our children.

]]> Working Moms Look Back with Mixed EmotionsTerry2008-07-29T13:31:03-04:00https://ambitchous.typepad.com/ambition_is_not_a_dirty_w/2008/07/working-moms-lo.html#c124372144Comment by Jude Smiley on " Working Moms Look Back with Mixed Emotions"http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/AmbitionIsNotADirtyWord-CommentsFeed/~3/UJBjizwnLGU/working-moms-lo.html
<p>Thanks for this article. I think its getting harder and harder for women to figure out what&#39;s best for them, with the sheer number of opportunities available. We need to think deeply about what makes us happy and fulfilled.</p>
<p>When my son was born in 2003 I had just sold my company. I spent 8 months being at home with him and really loving it...but soon needed more stimulation. </p>
<p>My husband and I are working on our second baby now and I have a large successful consulting practice going. I plan on taking very little actual maternity leave off and instead going with how I feel.</p>
<p>I dont need to justify or defend my position, only feel 100% confident in what I want to accomplish.</p>
<p>I dont think my son has suffered any, and in fact, now that business is booming, I can take more time off to spend it with him doing quality things.. We both never take for granted our time spent together.</p>
<p>To each her own...remember....free agency</p>
<p>J</p>Thanks for this article. I think its getting harder and harder for women to figure out what's best for them, with the sheer number of opportunities available. We need to think deeply about what makes us happy and fulfilled.

When my son was born in 2003 I had just sold my company. I spent 8 months being at home with him and really loving it...but soon needed more stimulation.

My husband and I are working on our second baby now and I have a large successful consulting practice going. I plan on taking very little actual maternity leave off and instead going with how I feel.

I dont need to justify or defend my position, only feel 100% confident in what I want to accomplish.

I dont think my son has suffered any, and in fact, now that business is booming, I can take more time off to spend it with him doing quality things.. We both never take for granted our time spent together.

To each her own...remember....free agency

J

]]> Working Moms Look Back with Mixed EmotionsJude Smiley2008-07-25T13:10:10-04:00https://ambitchous.typepad.com/ambition_is_not_a_dirty_w/2008/07/working-moms-lo.html#c123810634Comment by Debra Condren on "Getting High or Getting By?"http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/AmbitionIsNotADirtyWord-CommentsFeed/~3/SV-rTFrWqLM/getting-high-or.html
<p>Thank you for your comments, Victoria. You&#39;re so right that one of our key jobs as ambitious/mothers/role models is teaching our children (by living it) that the best way to have a great life is to honor our ambitious dreams every bit as much as we do our other sacrosanct priorities, including our spouses, children, friends, and community. I, too, have those days when I feel that I&#39;m getting everything wrong. Some of that is assuaged when, for example, my son--now 20 years old--says, &quot;I want a career like you, Mom. You work for yourself, have interesting clients, are able to pick and choose who you work with, you get to travel.&quot; Or when he asks me details about how I managed to build my business while being a single mom. You can read more about this at my post, &quot;The Day My Son Almost Died&quot; at: http://tinyurl.com/5jjspa. Sincerely and ambitiously, Debra<br />
</p>Thank you for your comments, Victoria. You're so right that one of our key jobs as ambitious/mothers/role models is teaching our children (by living it) that the best way to have a great life is to honor our ambitious dreams every bit as much as we do our other sacrosanct priorities, including our spouses, children, friends, and community. I, too, have those days when I feel that I'm getting everything wrong. Some of that is assuaged when, for example, my son--now 20 years old--says, "I want a career like you, Mom. You work for yourself, have interesting clients, are able to pick and choose who you work with, you get to travel." Or when he asks me details about how I managed to build my business while being a single mom. You can read more about this at my post, "The Day My Son Almost Died" at: http://tinyurl.com/5jjspa. Sincerely and ambitiously, Debra]]>Getting High or Getting By?Debra Condren2008-07-22T14:37:49-04:00https://ambitchous.typepad.com/ambition_is_not_a_dirty_w/2007/09/getting-high-or.html#c123316774Comment by Victoria on "Getting High or Getting By?"http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/AmbitionIsNotADirtyWord-CommentsFeed/~3/BZ04OSeKQVY/getting-high-or.html
<p>Thank you for this posting. There are so many days when I feel like an amateur at everything in life, being a mother, a wife and a colleague. Often these are the days that are most unbalanced due to illness, deadlines or exhaustion. When you work with those that have stay at home spouses or round the clock nannies, it is difficult not to apologize even when you are home with the flu. I do find that being out of balance is normal and there are days when one of my kids tells me how much they love me and that brings everything right back into balance. While it is critical to ensure our children know they are loved and supported, I also want to make sure they are independent and can find their own voice and I hope that showering them with examples of how to care and love for your family and your friends and treating your colleagues and strangers with kindness and respect will help them sort their way through this world. </p>Thank you for this posting. There are so many days when I feel like an amateur at everything in life, being a mother, a wife and a colleague. Often these are the days that are most unbalanced due to illness, deadlines or exhaustion. When you work with those that have stay at home spouses or round the clock nannies, it is difficult not to apologize even when you are home with the flu. I do find that being out of balance is normal and there are days when one of my kids tells me how much they love me and that brings everything right back into balance. While it is critical to ensure our children know they are loved and supported, I also want to make sure they are independent and can find their own voice and I hope that showering them with examples of how to care and love for your family and your friends and treating your colleagues and strangers with kindness and respect will help them sort their way through this world. ]]>Getting High or Getting By?Victoria2008-07-22T12:34:54-04:00https://ambitchous.typepad.com/ambition_is_not_a_dirty_w/2007/09/getting-high-or.html#c123300472