Day 19 – Monday

Ena: Like a phoenix rising from a heap of used Kleenex and discarded NyQuil packaging, I have returned. Alright, perhaps that’s a tad dramatic, and I don’t want to set the bar too high – or get anyone’s hopes up – so let’s just say that I’m back and feeling (almost) back to normal. How’s that? Everyone’s expectations sufficiently low? Good.

Had I not been feeling completely wretched, I would have liked to spend my two extra days at home playing dress up. I have decided that I either need to wake up an hour earlier or start trying on clothes and assembling outfits the night before I wear them. As I seem to have an increasingly difficult time rousing myself out of bed these days, I think that the latter option is the most realistic. But, is that cheating? As much as I feel that it would accelerate the learning process for me to practice getting dressed, it feels…less organic and wrong somehow. Do people – who are not in elementary school or attending an awards ceremony – lay their clothes out the night before wearing them?

I am also having a difficult time navigating the fine and sometimes blurry line between professional and stylish attire. Today is a perfect example. Dressed like I am today, I feel like a corporate square (see pant suit incident for additional example), like I look much older than my very, very young 30 years. I think that the challenge for me – ok, one of the many challenges for me – is to try to find a manageable balance between work-appropriate and age-appropriate clothing…or, maybe the challenge for me is to finally accept that I am, in fact, a corporate square. Either way, it won’t be easy.

Bina - Day 19

Bina: This weekend, I had the opportunity to volunteer at the Los Angeles Regional Foodbank. It was actually really fun participating in the conveyor belt mayhem a la Laverne & Shirley. And I got a pretty decent upper body workout. There were hundreds of volunteers – both individuals and groups from organizations like ours. All of these generous and kind-hearted people make it possible to feed thousands of hungry people every week. Of course, volunteering is helping me to feel better. It makes me feel good to help other people, and thus in turn, makes me feel good about myself. So it’s pretty selfish, really…

When I first got “dumped” last month, a few friends suggested I go out and hook-up with someone new to make myself feel better. I even had a few unsolicited offers from men who would be more than willing to help me out. But I felt I had outgrown revenge hook-ups and I was also just too damn sad. I had fears of crying into someone’s mouth while they kissed me, like Carrie Bradshaw. We’ve all been there, right? I lamented with a friend how it seems like as we get older and continue the quest for love, each time we manage to open ourselves up to it, the heartbreak stings a little more. It’s like another small piece of yourself has been shattered, and dear god, at this rate, will there be anything left for anyone else? Sometimes, I can be very dramatic. Anyway, I opted for this therapeutic solution instead. Project Makeover, inside and out. The results will be far less instantly gratifying but far more fulfilling in the long run. At least, that’s my hope.

This morning, getting dressed was a chore and a bore. I was a bit tired as I ventured downtown to 7 Grand last night to celebrate Repeal Day. I am happy to report that I ate two French dips – my appetite was in full effect! Anyway, I had no idea what I was going to wear today and I threw on some jeans and didn’t want to even think about it. I looked over and saw my Chucks on the floor of my room – they looked so comfy and lonely! They wanted me to wear them!! But no, dammit. I switched out of my faded blue jeans and put these black skinny jeans on, which were $7 at the Forever 21 Black Friday sale. Then, I threw on my boots and this old Urban Outfitters top, took down my hair, and was on my merry way. I don’t look that fantastic but at least I’m not wearing cat socks. And this was the first morning in a while that I haven’t felt nauseous upon waking up. I think that’s probably a good sign.