Keith Lemon: The Film may be the most staggeringly perfunctory piece of
filmmaking Robbie Collin has ever seen.

When a film based on the E4 sitcom,The Inbetweeners, unexpectedly made £45 million at the UK box office last August, it was inevitable that more films based on successful television comedies would follow, just as the early 1970s yielded feature-length versions of Bless This House, Up Pompeii, On The Buses, and others.

Lo! It has come to pass. Exactly one year later, here is Keith Lemon: The Film, spun off from the seemingly hundreds of ITV2 shows featuring the Keith Lemon character. For the benefit of those happy Telegraph readers who have never heard of Lemon, he is a grotesque created by the comedian Leigh Francis, known for ogling women, ribbing minor celebrities, discussing his bodily functions and shrieking. Keith Lemon: The Film consists of these four activities in rotation and nothing more, and it may be the most staggeringly perfunctory piece of filmmaking I have ever seen.

In the first scene, Lemon is making love to the model Kelly Brook, although this turns out to be a dream. He then wakes up and instantly passes wind; an event that drew gales of laughter at the premiere, where I saw the film earlier this week. Next, he picks up a sandwich from his bedside table and starts eating it. “It’s a sandwich!” howled the man sat behind me, wiping tears from his eyes, so those amused by flatulence and sandwiches are guaranteed at least two laughs.

Lemon goes on to make his fortune by inventing a mobile phone, although this turns out to be little more than the premise for a celebrity-filled toga party, which lasts for roughly half the film. The guests include Peter Andre, Fearne Cotton and Jedward, who all managed to find the time between appearing in other Keith Lemon-related projects to participate.