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Friday, August 9, 2013

An Inner Battle

Yes, it's true. The 5 of Wands was my draw today, and this one was clear from the get-go. I am involved in an inner battle today, rather than an outward one. So as I mentioned in yesterday's post, I did my first free-reading. I felt it went really well, and still think so. But here's the catch. The client finally responded to me. He thanked me, and told me that for some reason his birthdate didn't register correctly, so I had used the wrong information when calculating his personality/soul/shadow cards!!! Gahhhh!!!!! He asked if, in my opinion, it made a difference to the reading. Dear God. Look, I know I said that my worst nightmare was having really horrible, negative feedback. And I really am grateful that he did not tear me to pieces or anything. But I was so deeply embarrassed. And the truth is that I didn't really know if it would have an impact on the reading. I incorporated his card constellation so much into the reading, that I figured it would be confusing for him to tease things apart. So I wrote him back and told him that I would draw him some more cards.

DruidCraft Tarot

I apologized for the glitch (which was not my fault), though I did not apologize for anything else. I told him I thought it may have some impact, but nothing significant. I drew four more cards, and while they were slightly different, the core message was very similar to the first reading. Instead of including some Pentacles (and air), however, it was all water and air. And the card I had *thought* to be his soul card, actually made a repeat appearance! So on one hand I felt validated - the reading was a touch different, but it was really relaying the same ideas. On the other hand I felt terrible, because...what will this guy think of me???? I sent him the second reading and indicated the important areas where the readings overlapped, so he would see that it truly didn't change at a core level. Thankfully it didn't, because then what message would I be sending this guy? That Tarot is entirely undependable? That I, as a reader, suck? Gahhh.......

So, while inside I feel that the readings were good, and I'm so happy that the second reading did share a lot of common elements with the first, this was a bit rough as a first reading for a stranger.

He has not responded to my follow-up reading. At this point I'm just not feeling good about it at all.

Then, as a cosmic joke, the next free-reading request I received this morning was from the free-reading website owner!!! Seriously?

Fortunately I have another querent asking about something romantic, which I am fully prepared to prioritize at this time :) Maybe it will take the edge off my searing self-doubt.

P.S. I just got feedback from the client and he said I was "spot on." Ahhhhh so happy and relieved!