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Capital Offenses: 5 Unforgivable Relationship DON'TS

The execution by firing squad last week of Ronnie Lee Gardner in Utah has sparked debate about methods of execution and the overarching issue of capital punishment itself. As a guy who blogs about dating, one of the issues it raised for me is whether or not there are capital crimes for dating, sex and relationships, and if they did exist, what should they be. So here’ are my 5 Relationship Capital Offenses (obviously none of these should actually be punished by death—only the dating equivalent—more firing than firing squad).

1. Cheating

Um, duh. I can proudly say I’ve never cheated on anyone, and as far as I know, I’ve never been cheated on (this does not mean I haven’t kissed someone other than my significant other while we were dating, with or without her knowledge—it means I had permission to do so). But I know way too many people who cheat or put up with cheating in the classic sense and it always disappoints me.

2. Sexy Surprises (not the good kind)

You know what I’m talking about here: the unwelcome hands on the back of your head to “guide” you; an unwelcome visitor at your backdoor; a spanking that’s a little too hard to enjoy. I can see a number of these as forgivable (sheepish admission; I may have had to be admonished myself at some point), but they need to be dealt with quickly and directly and the signpost to the doghouse should be clear that this is never to happen again (gentleman ask, they don’t just take). 3. Lying

So complicated. What’s a lie? What if no one is getting hurt? Is faking an orgasm lying? What if he’s asking me how much I like his family? Do I have to tell him everything? So many different answers to these questions. The truth, and our respective understanding of it is a philosophical question, not a dating blog question, but here’s my take on it. You make your impression of what honesty and the truth are clear from the beginning. If he steps out of those boundaries, he better have a damn good reason.

4. Overly Touchy

This is for the early dates: the absolute worst (I’m told) is a guy who doesn’t respect her space, is too physically liberal or sexually aggressive. Respect for your physical space and sensitivities is the first and last sign of respect, and an obvious indicator of someone’s true personality.

5. Selfishness If you’re six months in, and he’s still not putting you first, ever, or even just those times when you both know it really matters, it’s time to reassess.

What are your ultimate relationship DON’TS? Have you ever been with a guy who you would forgive for any of these?