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I always thought that was one of the most beautiful phrases in the English language. It takes so much practice to do this in the moment when emotions are running high or the situation is upsetting. But it is so worthy of practice.

Raging toddler, I will calm you with my love.

Melty preschooler, I will calm you with my love.

Upset school aged child, I will calm you with my love.

Anxious and sad teenager, I will calm you with my love.

Part of our practice as parents can be to step back, to step outside of ourselves, and to think how do we calm with our love.

What words would that be?

What gestures would we use to show this?

Who calms us with their love so we can carry on?

Blessings and love,
Carrie

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Today is Candlemas, also known to some as Groundhog Day. I often think of that little groundhog this time of year, venturing out to see if winter will continue for another six weeks. It made me think of the periods of winter in my life and how sometimes I felt ready to venture out of the hibernation hole to test the waters, and how sometimes I decided I needed longer in my hibernation hole or, conversely, that yes indeed, now was the time to seize the day!

Have you ever gone through periods where you just felt so….shy? inward? … depleted? like you needed a break from other mothers in real life or beautiful blog pictures that make you feel unworthy as a mother? Periods where you needed a break even from extended family? So much judging goes around mothering in our culture. We are all like little isolated islands without much in the way of support so what should be a cooperative endeavor ends up as a competitive event! Sometimes we just need a break from anything outside of our families and our homes because we are plain burned out. Have you ever been pulled that way and honored it for a season?

A little hibernation and shutting out of the outside world can be a way to lie fallow for awhile. Pulling in allows a little of the pressure to slide off, a little pace of slowing down, and a release of not having to put oneself “out there” for anything but the most supportive listening of the closest and most intimate of family members or friends.

We are coming up to Lent soon. Perhaps during this Lenten season, you will take the time to pull in and hibernate, but not due to any outside pressure or insecurity. Perhaps this time you will pull in and take this time to restore yourself.

Restore your confidence.

Restore your feelings that you worthy of love.

Restore your feelings that you matter.

Restore your feelings that you are just right the way you are. If you want to improve or change something do it because you feel illuminated and led to, not from any feelings of unworthiness or shame or guilt.

Restore your physical health. Sleeping enough, exercising, eating healthy food, taking care of yourself are all things to be done so you can be a light for your family. And your children notice. You are modeling for them how to slow down, how to get enough rest and how to be healthy. It is worthy.

Restore your positive attitude. Life should be joyful; there should be joy in ordinary moments.

Restore your sense of fun!

Restore your faith in something much, much bigger, wider and deeper than yourself. Where do you find light? Seek out your light.

Restore your sense of love, compassion, empathy.

Restore your sense of the big picture.

Restore your vision, mission and priorities.

Don’t be afraid to hibernate, but do it to restore, renew, refresh yourself. I will be hibernating with you, and refreshing myself and my deepest intentions and priorities. Please share your hibernation journey with me. What has helped you restore the most in your moments of hibernation? What helped you come out of your shell again? What did you learn in the fallow periods?

Love,

Carrie

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Have you ever felt resentful that you are always at the bottom of the list, trying to figure out when to exercise or go buy a bra or squeeze in a dentist appointment? Me too! Homeschooling is HARD work at times. Especially as children get older and you are trying to meet academic needs that are more demanding, more social needs and extra activities. You may end up feeling pulled from early in the morning until later in the evening after you get home from whatever activity was going on. This happens, even in Waldorf families, especially when we are homeschooling teenagers.

I recently got to spend some days alone. Our dog just came out of the ICU. She was too sick to travel and needed rest and quiet at home to recover, but we also had our once a year vacation plans that were paid for and we couldn’t get a refund. So, my husband and I decided that he would take the children for the vacation and I stayed home with our sweet dog. The wonderful thing was that she wasn’t so sick that I couldn’t run out for an hour or so and come back. (And thank goodness, because there was nothing worse than seeing her so sick! So grateful she is feeling better even if she has a road ahead!) So I went to the gym AND also walked on the SAME day! I cleaned out closets and the pantry and the garage. I did much of the paperwork kind of stuff that I almost never have time to call about and follow up on (or I have to miss time homeschooling in order to do that!) I also went through things for homeschooling, including looking at things for high school next year, that I probably would never had time to do if I wasn’t alone! I did all kinds of things that were so much easier in solitude.

And here is what I thought about this week: we, as homeschooling mothers, often do put ourselves last. We really do very often. We may go straight from one child to the next with homeschooling to meal preparation to activities for children to housework with no break at all until in the night after the children go to sleep. And then we are tired! Teaching all day is tiring! Many times this pace is a necessity in homeschooling. IAs people say, it really is just a season, but it can be a long season when you are in it. So short of giving up homeschooling,which most of us are not going to give up for varying reasons, what can we do for self care in the meantime?

Here is my list; maybe it will inspire you to make your own list and share it here! Here is mine:

Make sure you have scheduled time every day to exercise. Yes, that might be at 6:30 in the morning or 8 at night, but if that is what it is , then so be it! I will be thinking of you at 6:30 AM. It is NOT selfish to take care of your health and according to nearly every research study out there, exercise is a major key to good health! Take charge of your health and exercise. It is really important!

Make and keep your doctor and dentist appointments; make and keep appointments for things that nourish you and make you feel fabulous – whether that is finally getting some new clothes (even if they are thrift store clothes, they are still new to you!) or having a date with a friend..whatever that nourishing thing is outside your family, put it on your calendar, arrange someone to watch your children and go do that!

Be the meal prepper – but not just for the family, but for your too. If you Meal Prep Monday, you can have meals for the whole week for you. This is especially important if you need a diet that is different in some ways from your family’s diet. I like Amanda’s Instagram account to follow for healthy meal prepping, and I like divided containers or mason jars to put healthy food in when I prep food. Planning out things like breakfast and lunch for the whole family has also helped me immensely. I generally always have a plan for dinner, but everyone was getting tired of the standard fare for breakfast and lunch, including me. Take your time and think ahead for meals; can you cook in bulk or use a crockpot?

Don’t let your passions die. You are more than a mother and a partner or spouse. You are the unique and wonderful you! Is there any time, once a week, where the children could all GO and you could be alone? This isn’t always possible with traveling partners and family far away or partners who work long hours, but then could you cultivate a mother’s helper, a babysitter, a friend to trade with? You are so worth this! If your children are very small, under the age of seven, again, this may be very difficult, so don’t torture yourself over it, but do start making strides when children are five and six toward having some time to yourself for doing your passion – whether that is painting or hiking or reading or music. I think it is important to make that effort.

Get organized – yes, use your calendar, and set boundaries on your time. You cannot do it all, and the more you run from morning until night, the more it will eventually lead to burn-out. Steady pace counts for a lot in life.

Get your house in order. Things are naturally going to be more chaotic with more people in the house and things will have to be “over-hauled” perhaps more often than you think..for example, I cleaned out all the dressers, drawers, storage areas over the summer and it needed to be done again. Things pile up and especially with the change in seasons, they need to be gone through again. Or maybe you could use Flylady where you really clean out clutter each week! Getting rid of the clutter makes it much simpler to clean!

If you feel nourished, calm, healthy …well, then you feel great! You feel sexy! And that is such a great boost to those of us with partners or spouses in the house.

I guess most of all, what I have been thinking is to set your priorities and boundaries! We all only have 24 hours in a day, but if nearly all of those hours are devoted to our children’s schooling and activities and we can’t even get a twice a year dentist appointment in, for example, something is wrong. We want to invest our time in our children and families, but we also really need to invest in our own health and well-being. This is about being a great model for our children when it comes to health and sanity. Also, when we feel physically good and emotionally nurtured, everyone in the family benefits!

Please share your best ideas for self-care in the comment box.

Blessings,Carrie

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For many meditating during these nights, silence is a theme for yesterday. I am meditating on silence today as I think of the polarity between myself and St. John the Evangelist, whose feast day is today. How do I bring silence and stillness into my life so I can have a more fruitful inner life? I find it hard to deepen that if there is nothing but noise or clutter or chaos swirling around me. So, having time to be home, to not rush, to have space and time is so important. How can I construct the rhythms of my family and of my heart in order to have this space this coming year?

And when do I boldly proclaim the truth in words, the way St. John proclaims the Logos? Do I speak truth when it is needed? Do I do that boldly, tactfully or timidly?

While so many people say they want to quit homeschooling in November and February, I find that a bit ironic for me personally since I perceive those months to be ones of silence and stillness and I love that aspect. Solitude is so different than taking a knowing break to replenish the soul.

How does silence manifest itself in your life? Do you welcome it? How does silence work with courage?

Blessings,Carrie

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The Twelve Days of Christmas and the Twelve Holy Nights is a time when we slow down and listen to our deep inner selves, and what the Divine Creator and spiritual world is presenting to us as we silence and still ourselves enough to listen. It is this time of year, that if we are open, we can see the year that is coming and wonder at some of the things of virtue of humanity in the world.

I was meditating today on the virtue of courage. In the Christian calendar, we see this virtue in the life story of St. Stephen, the first martyr of the church. This is also a traditional virtue for many who meditate during the twelve Holy Nights.

Courage encompasses so many things – courage helps us forgive the unforgiveable. Courage helps us to be honest in tough situations. Courage helps us to stick to our values and morals even when it is not popular. Courage helps us try things we are unsure of which is a way to grow and change. Courage helps us chart a new path and direction. Courage doesn’t promise safety, but the ability to move forward in strength even under the worst of circumstances.

Parenting takes courage. Boundaries are very important in parenting, and it takes courage to set a boundary and help children achieve a healthy balance between form and freedom.

I would love to hear your thoughts about courage and the role it plays in your life. How do you see courage within yourself for the upcoming year?

Blessings,Carrie

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I had a wonderful week last week visiting St. George Island in Florida. We did the typical beach things – built sand masterpieces (not castles, but mainly sea turtles and mermaids), jumped and dived in the waves, flew kites, walked to the lighthouse on the island, shopped a little (only a few stores), played board games, ate seafood and otherwise relaxed, rested and read a lot of books. It was a much needed break and time to be together as a family.

It also gave me some time to look at the feelings I have been carrying around this school term. I adore homeschooling, but I have lately been more wanting more time to myself, . I have vacillated between feeling a bit resentful of not having more time to myself and then thinking what would I even do with this time – a vocation? a job? a midlife crisis? (Insert cheeky grin here). I love homeschooling, adore it, but often what I want is a few hours a day where I am not on call so to speak and can devote time to my own interests without any of the outside world intruding. I have also had this same conversation with many veteran homeschooling mothers, and I know many other homeschooling mothers feel this way (especially, it seems, those of us in our mid-40s).

I wonder if this is partially just midlife – that strange time and feeling where you wonder is this what life is? What different path would have taken me somewhere else? Where is the future really headed? In past generations, many women had children earlier and often their children were headed off to lives of their own by the time a woman hit her mid-40s. At this point, a woman really had the time to re-discover herself. My mother- in- law remarked to me awhile ago that most women in her generation hit menopause by their early 40’s (ie, when she was 40, many of her friends were already menopausal), another sign that life was taking a different turn than previously. Contrast that to this day and age when so many of us in our mid-40s are still in the trenches raising small children or even having babies. So, part of me wonders if this is programmed from the past – this need to re-discover one’s self apart from children – and if we as a generation are not yet caught up yet to the reality of having children later. I feel for me as if these thoughts and feelings started with the seven year cycle that began around age 42, but now is in full swing at age 44. I keep being drawn back to the words of Betty Staley’s book “Tapestries” about the years 42-49 here. here.. I am even looking into the years ahead ahead.

Sometimes I also wonder if this feeling of wanting more and needing to be alone something specific to homeschooling mothers? We spend so much time and energy as a homeschooling family on our children (and hopefully on our spouses as well, but I guess that is a whole different post!); perhaps it is only natural after some time to feel or want a bit more for oneself. I don’t feel like a “veteran” homeschooler by any means, but my oldest is in seventh grade and we have been at this for some time without any interruptions. Perhaps this stage of homeschooling just contributes to restlessness in general?

I don’t feel burned out or worn out, just thoughtful about the developmental process in adults. Where are you, and just you alone, these days in your thoughts and feelings? How old are you and do you think that plays into how you are feeling and what you are wanting at this point in your life?

Love,
Carrie

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For several years now I had been in this period of life where things were sometimes light, sometimes dark, but usually just a mingled grey. It started with overwhelm as things slowly happened one after another, built up and then moved into this climax of life: people passed away that I loved and things that I loved died. I hung on to being in the now, because the future seemed far away and murky with nothing there to really grasp or see. I also felt like I was in the “middle” a lot, and just didn’t feel strongly enough to “really” fit anywhere. All I had was the faith that God had a plan for me, and perhaps, yes, even a plan for the me that I am outside of my own children and family. I felt like He was calling me to something, but I had no idea what.

In this Eastertide, in this very first inkling with the seedlings of the earth, several things started mingling in my head and my heart….It started with Continue reading →

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The Parenting Passageway

Welcome to The Parenting Passageway

A passageway, as one would guess, is a conduit to the next thing: a way to allow movement from one place, condition or stage to the next. This blog is entitled “The Parenting Passageway” as it is intended to help support and encourage parents in peaceful parenting for our hectic world. Thank you for reading and many blessings to you

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