He is the only other person I ever thought I might marry. He has had several significant others and one wife, but claims he has never forgotten me, and regrets our breakup.

I am so desperate to return to my former happy self; any suggestions you can give me would really be appreciated. I have a wonderful husband who would be devastated if he knew what these last few months have been like for me. It is extremely stressful — torture, really — and I so want it to stop.

Miserable

DEAR MISERABLE: It is possible that pushing these thoughts down is only making them more powerful. A change of perspective might lead you toward feeling more joyful and less stressed by this development.

According to you, you have had 50 years of marital happiness with your wonderful husband. Are you prepared to leave your marriage and blow up your life in order to try to cheat time? If you peel away the fantasy, what would this realistically be like for you?

If you permit yourself to think about this, you might be able to understand the impulse, while rejecting the behavior.

I must point out that your hometown honey has absolutely nothing to lose by pursuing you. If you embrace your reality and cannot shake this obsession, a therapist could help.

You might benefit from reading the new book, “Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life,” by Susan David (2016, Avery).