Roommate Confessions: Issue 120

It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!

You know how you constantly complain that your room smells? I'm not going to correct you for thinking it's the old coffee cups you leave everywhere, but it's really because I poured copious amounts of milk on your mattress and put pieces of clams behind your furniture. Oh and I filled your shampoo bottle with mayonnaise. Maybe if you weren't such a dirty, self-centered person people would be nicer to you.

Anonymous, School Not Given

My roommate in college would put his computer on a specific playlist, every night around 3am Nelly Furtado "I'm like a bird" would wake me out of a dead sleep, after weeks of this I asked he take that song off because it would wake me every night, he did for a while then insisted on putting the song like 15 freakin' times on there. I bit my tongue for a month and his girlfriend from home was coming for the weekend, I took the privilege in going home for the weekend, but first I changed his playlist to only this song, decked out his room in nelly fertado posters, he couldn't explain the posters when she went in the room, and that night when he went for his playlist he told me that song was the only one he could get to play, I ended a 4 year relationship because of this gay song, sorry bud, at least you're a pharmacist now!Todd J., School Not Given

During the 3 day long orientation I loved it how you would only show up in the room at 4 in the morning to vomit all over the bathroom, since you never made it to the toilet. I also loved the fact that you did this for both of the nights.
What I loved more is when I moved your bed. You came back to puke so I grabbed your bed and moved it next to the dressers. Watching you look where the bed should be and where it was and then fall where it should be was priceless. What was even better was hearing you moan from landing on the hard tile floor. Then watching you crawl to your bed was epic.Bryan Denslow, School Not Given

I don't have a roommate, but my buddy is over often enough that he qualifies. He's a good guy but the kind that usually says 'lets party' and either brings nothing or only a small portion for himself and then when he finishes that he moves on to my stuff; food, alcohol, shisha, etc. I confront him every little while and he eventually pays me back but only a portion of what he owes. This grows tiring as I don't have endless funds like he thinks I do (I'm just more careful with money then he is) so I decided to amuse myself. He frequently steps outside for a smoke or to talk on his cell which has terrible reception in my room. Every time he does, I put something in his drink, whether it be ash, salsa, vinegar, dust from a shelf, whatever as long as it makes his drink taste like crap and take a cigarette and throw it out. When he complains about the taste or his loss of cigs, I shrug it off in wonder. Pay me back or BYOB, those are your only options.John T

My roommate told my boyfriend after coming home from a Halloween party this past year that she couldn't drink because she had kidney disease (for what reason she told him that I have no idea). We are 100% positive she is a pathological liar so my friend and I went on facebook and pulled up pictures of her drunk and with drinks in her hand with captions like "my first legal drink :)" (Her 21st birthday is two weeks after Halloween, so your kidney disease just comes and goes?). So she proceeded to block us both from facebook claiming she didn't want to be caught in a lie. She also told all her friends that she has cancer. She begged us not to mention it to her parents because "they didn't know and she didn't want to worry them." W.T.F? So my dad called up her dad to get to the bottom of this mystery and lo and behold she doesn't have cancer or kidney disease. Have fun explaining that to your dad, you crazy bitch.Caleb Lawrence, South Carolina