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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD

Dr. Becker-Phelps is a well-respected psychologist, who is dedicated to helping people understand themselves and what they need to do to become emotionally and psychologically healthy. In addition to her clinical practice as a psychotherapist, she inspires people to change, grow, and heal through her work as a speaker and writer.

Dr. Becker-Phelps has presented around the country on a variety of mental health issues. She has been invited to address physicians and other healthcare professionals, as well to the public. She has also been interviewed extensively for print and online magazines, radio, and television. As a licensed psychologist, Dr. Becker-Phelps treats individuals and couples in her private practice in Basking Ridge, N.J. She remains on the medical staff at Somerset Medical Center, where she previously held the titles of clinical director of Women's Psychological Services and chief of psychology. She is currently on the New Jersey Psychological Association Public Education Committee and is a staff editor for the NJPA E-Newsletter. She is also a member of the American Psychological Association, New Jersey Psychological Association, New Jersey Association of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapists, Society for the Exploration of Psychotherapy Integration, and the International Positive Psychology Association.

Latest Activity

In reading your post, I can understand how this would be incredibly hurtful- and I'm sorry for your pain; but I'm also a bit confused. I assume that you had the problem of him not returning your texts or calls before you brought up the idea of moving back. So, I'm wondering whether you had talked with him about this - and why you are so shocked now, only after him telling you that he doesn't want to be close. If he only stopped returning calls and texts after you said you wanted to move back, I'm really confused about how this conversation alone could have changed things.In any case, in situations like yours, the best people can do is reach out and say they want to hear about what's upsetting the other person. Opening communication is essential. Sometimes, though, the only way to get that kind of communication going is by doing this face-to-face.View Thread

Just as FCL asked, I'm wondering why you want to stay in this relationship. Also, it sounds right to me that you wouldn't be able to forget the kinds of things you mentioned-- it would not be healthy to know about such things, not say a word, and feel good about continuing in the relationship.View Thread

Hang in there! It sounds like you need support (i.e. a shoulder to cry on) more than advice, but I'll share my thoughts anyway. It sounds like you made the right decision, but that your heart just needs time to heal. Do what you can to reclaim things that make you happy, and be sure to spend time with friends. Allow yourself to grieve, but also give yourself reasons to embrace life. Above all else, if you are as sure as you sound that he is not for you, do NOT have contact with him, or you'll confuse yourself and have to restart the whole grieving process.View Thread

Choosing a therapist is an important decision because entering therapy is a big investment; it takes energy, time, and money. So, take the time to find someone right for you. You can find some referrals by asking your doctor for recommendations, calling your local psychological or social work association for names, or going to the American Psychological Association psychologist locator (I give contact information for this in my tips). Once you have some names, ask the therapists you are considering questions on the phone, such as:

Are you licensed and how long have you been practicing?

Do you have an area of specialization? What is it?

What therapeutic approach do you usually use; and, can you explain it to me?

Offer the person a thumbnail sketch of your problem and ask if they have experience treating this kind of issue. Also ask how they would treat your problem.

If you are satisfied with the answers, then schedule an appointment. At this meeting, the therapist will ask more detailed questions about your problem to help determine how to help you. This is also a time for you to evaluate how comfortable you are with the therapist. Having a good rapport with the therapist is essential to effective therapy; so, if you are not comfortable with the person, then consider whether you need to find another qualified professional to help you. A therapist can be excellent and still not be the right person for you.View Thread

Women's Health Newsletter

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