Virtually all memory of the brilliance of the young Tenenbaums Elizabeth Wurtzel was subsequently erased by two decades of betrayal, failure, and disaster.

Waxing is a deeply personal grooming decision, with extremes of opinion on both sides: It infantilizes women and makes them pay with money and pain for the privilege of adhering to an arbitrary standard of beauty! Umm… sorry, I guess I really got nothing on the “pro” side. So you can probably tell where I stand on the issue. I mean, I keep it neat, but I’m not going to rip it out by the roots. But I don’t argue with women who are pro-waxing, because arguing over pubic hair trends seems kind of silly. Besides, we all know the biggest obstacle to a matriarchal utopia is nipple tint.

So how can we dumb up the issue even more? I know, let’s ask Elizabeth Wurtzel her opinion! To sum up: Hair is “icky” (Why? Just cuz!); you’re not a “real” woman unless you fritter away precious time and money on the admittedly grim drudgery of pointless beauty routines and waste your sanity attempting to reach an unreachable ideal of beauty; men have always* and will always** like bald beavers, and we should always do whatever men want, apparently!

Why are still caring what Elizabeth Wurtzel has to say about anything? It’s been 15 years since Prozac Nation and the only thing of note she’s done since is fail the bar exam like a dozen times. Although that hasn’t stopped her from calling herself a lawyer. She’s even worse at passing it than she is at committing suicide!

I’m all for waxing and all that. Once I’ve heard, from a woman, the wisest words on the subject: women only need hair for the top of their heads and the eyebrows and lids. I don’t get the “infantilization” argument, for some reason I don’t see it been brought up for men shaving their beards, or women shaving their legs and armpits, or even getting rid of eventual post-pubertal facial hair. Enough said for such worthless subject, anyway.

That’s “wise”? You must know some pretty stupid women. And way to COMPLETELY misunderstand my use of the word “infantilize”. I am not referring to the physically hairless state of the waxed vulva. I am referring to how woman are taught to not even question that maintaining WAXED GENITALS is a matter of life and death. Leave the important things to menz, kitten! You just make sure that pussy is hairless, ‘cuz that’s how we like it!