anger has been shown to lead to a higher incidence of heart disease and other health problems

while you think that lashing out or hitting a pillow or punching bag helps you release tension, the opposite is true. It teaches you to develop a behavior pattern: Get mad, punch. Get mad, get even. Get mad, harbor stress until it eats away at you like ants on crumbs.

Use behavior and mental techniques that have been shown to reduce anger and anxiety, as well as chronic health problems associated with them

Do the opposite = "letting it rip" with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you resolve the situation

the opposite of anger isn't to withdraw or lash out, but to develop empathy.

Find your pattern = keep thought records with no censorship of all the emotions you feel (and why) during the day

helps you identify and find a pattern in the core beliefs that are associated with your anger

Do push-ups = telling yourself to "stay calm" is one of the worst things you can do (second only to being told to "calm down"), because we're supposed to act out when we feel threatened and are angry

act out in a way that doesn't burn bridges, by doing push-ups or stretching or deep breathing. This dissipates the physiological burden of anger.

Choose smart words = be careful of words like never or always when talking about yourself or someone else

they serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem

they alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution

make sure you have realistic expectations

don't blame yourself for things that aren't under your control, with a string of woulds, coulds and shoulds