seasons

Maintaining friendships becomes more difficult as seasons in life change, especially the season of becoming a mother.

The way I see it, there are 3 kinds of friends: single, married with no kids & married with kids. There are definite advantages to each.

Single

Single friends keep you from being boring. They make the best shopping partners! The downside is that you can’t just hit the road and hang out like in the old days. You have to find a babysitter first or clear it with the hubby.

You text more than talk so you won’t have to deal with the constant interruptions. They tag you in funny memes on Facebook and Instagram.

When you do get to talk on the phone, you rush off the phone when you get home. Your friend may not understand, or they may become annoyed at you yelling at your kids in the background. Hands down, they make great Godparents and babysitters.

Married With No Kids

Your married friends understand the balance of friendship and marriage. They don’t take offense when you need to check with your boo before a girl’s night out. You can vent about your hubby, and they understand that your world isn’t coming to an end.

However, they do look nervous when your kids are running around the living room, and you have to rearrange things in their living room because it isn’t baby proof. They ask you lots of questions about pregnancy and babies. These friends have a tendency of being judgmental.

They see you struggling with your toddler at nap time, nursing after age 1 or give you that annoyed look when you are late (again) and they tell themselves their child will never be like that.

How do I know these friends are judgmental? Because my friends, I used to be one.

Married With Kids

This group of friends is great for play dates.

You can take turns fussing at the kids, sharing funny stories and commiserating about the embarrassing ones. You swap tips about baby products and what to bring to class parties.

They don’t get offended if you text more than talk or if you have to scream mid-sentence.

They also don’t look at you like someone died if you are having an off day and only wore one earring. They validate that you don’t have to be superwoman and kids will be kids.

Sometimes these friends get on your nerves. Your version of discipline is different from theirs.

They let their kids run amuck and you can’t enjoy the playmate because you are concerned about their safety. Or they only eat vegan & organic food and it stresses you out when they come over because you have nothing to feed them.

Each friendship has a place and adds balance and value to your life. You can relate to each friend because at some point, you were in their shoes.

What do you think is the most challenging part about maintaining friendships after becoming a mother?

I’ve heard many people who struggle in their marriages talk about how they’ve just grown apart from their spouse. The truth of the matter is that we continue to grow and change as people. Life changes us as we weather different seasons.

In marriage, we should be growing together through those seasons. Marriage should be a verb because growing together takes work. It takes work to embrace the person you love as they continue to evolve.

My husband and I have been married for 6 years. In those 6 years, he has been a travel agent, State Farm insurance agent and now a farmer. My career as a School Counselor hasn’t changed, however I’ve become a mother twice, and that is an evolution in itself.

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Diedre Anthony
Lifestyle + Mom Blogger
Welcome to Are Those Your Kids! This blog was created to share my experiences in motherhood, from the perspective of a mom with biracial kids. I discuss all things culture, multicultural resources, curly hair and motherhood.

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