This year I get to celebrate Mother’s Day, too. (Actually I get to celebrate two Mother’s Day, because in Finland we celebrate mothers today and in France on the last Sunday of May. )

It is miraculous to be a mother; at the same time I feel like the same old me, but also more whole and full of love, more peaceful inside. Before, I used to struggle with those existential questions, like what I am going to do with my life, where to live or which career path to choose. Now I can have that long needed time-out, and with my baby I am completely present in the actual moment. Everything I wanted is here: my family. All the rest; I have all the time in the world to work out later.

Of course life with a baby it is not always that easy; interrupted sleep, enormous mountains of laundry, milk stains on clothes – not to mention parents suffering from temporary dementia. Still, all this is so worth it. The love that you feel for your baby, it is just incredible. All these moments that I get to spend with her; when she wakes up in the morning and looks at me with a smile, when she eats and make that little sound, when I am taking an afternoon nap with her… all these moments – and more, they fill me with happiness, joy, love, gratitude.

Also, life with a baby teaches you to be more present in the actual moment, too, like I mentioned earlier. It is impossible to try to do anything else; a baby forces you to be here completely and not glued to your cell phone or laptop. No! No! No! When the baby is up, you give her full attention. All the rest can wait, those messages to be answered or your work stuff.

With motherhood and especially on Mother’s Day my thoughts are of course with my mother, too. I appreciate how as a single mother she took care of us, me and my brother. I know it wasn’t always that easy. In the 90’s depression we didn’t have that much money, but there was always love and a warm atmosphere. There hasn’t been a time in my life, when I couldn’t have called my mother. She has always been there.

A couple of weeks ago, when she came to visit my family in Paris, I enjoyed the time that I got to spend with her. We lay in the big bed in our guest room all three of us: me, the baby and my mother; three generations. During the weekend we had long walks around Paris, we listen to the radio, made several times coffee, talked and talked and immersed ourselves in our books every now and then. It was perfect. When I accompanied her back to the airport, it hit me, how much I had missed her. It is such a shame that we live in different countries, even though we keep in touch every day.

It is also funny that now I can share the experience of motherhood with my own mother.

With this slightly meandering blog post I want to share my appreciation of my mother, my grandmother, and the universe that I finally get to be a mother, too!