Omg, I have to take this test for this hospital job in like 30 minutes, ugh. I'm gonna fail. hahahaahaha. I'll probably be the only one too not pass hahahhhaahah.

Just living the dream. The Spazzy Jazzy Anxiety ridden dream y'all. (not not not not not not not not not)

doesn't anyone else shut down when too many things happen at once??

Like the littlest things set me off into crying or spazzing out because too much is happening already. I've been feeling on edge since this whole interview started.... I can't handle this. I was training this girl at my job, you know my current job and she was saying how she's about to juggle 4 jobs. HOW CAN YOU JUGGLE FOUR JOBS, I CAN'T EVEN JUGGLE TWO PLUS SCHOOL AND ONE I HAVEN'T EVEN ACTUALLY STARTED WORKING YET.

Vegetarians - no, you cook your veggies. Not pure enoughRare - No. Do you know how many nutrients disappear by the time the veggies appear on your plate.

So, with my new trend, people will eat fruits and veggie directly from the tree. No picking, just lean forward and nibble. Dwarf fruit trees and container vegetable will be delivered directly to your table and served on a Lazy Susan so everyone can eat family style.

I'm coming apart at the seams. I cant handle normal conversation or interaction with people. I'm just so sad and I hurt all the time. Nothing makes sense to me. I tried pinning my anger on bf, but he's asked me 3 times today if anythings wrong and I hear myself tell him that I'm okay, but thats not true. I feel like I want to talk, but I can't. What I really want to do is throw things and break things and allow myself to be completely and totally hysterical. Because thats what its like inside my head. The only time I feel okay is when I've willed myself to ignore that it even happened. But it always comes back.

Take a long drive. Keep the windows up and scream away. That's what I do if I have so much pent up anger. Just make sure you're not on a crowded or busy road. Take some old stuff you're just going to throw away and smash the **** out of it. Or just lock yourself in the bathroom while everyone is sleeping, take a long hot bath and just allow yourself to cry. You need to be able to get those feelings out.

We live next to a middle school and when it's Spring Break of they're out for Summer it's eerily quiet here. Sometimes I swear to mercy they MUST BE dying they're screaming so blood curdling loud.

Before we moved in our landlord worked on the place for about 6 months and was here every day and he even warned us about the noise to make sure we were up for it. He still asks about it from time to time so it must have really drove him bonkers.

What's almost as annoying is the morning and afternoon pick-up/drop off and the parents honking horns and yelling and driving like maniacs.

SCG, you feel my pain.

Originally Posted by spring1onu

#1, when we moved here, DH had to go to the schools to enroll our girls (in June, before the girls and I got here) He happened to get to the middle school right as the bell for lunch rang. 1200 middle schoolers were let loose. DH said he was AFRAID.

#2, well, you (and I) live in CA, the land of no busing, so every stinking parent has to park within a block of the place in order to pick up, and don't get me started on the parking lot in the morning. I just get my kid there early, and drop her off on the street next to the school gate, rather than take a chance of disaster in that lot. I don't know who is worse, the kids darting between the cars, or the parents just pulling away from the curb without looking.

ETA: with the no busing, many really do have to drive the kiddoes. DD1's school is 4 miles away, DD2's is 2 miles. Both would have to cross a freeway, so biking is out, too. I miss the buses! Wouldn't it make better sense to bus them, anyway. A lot less pollution coming out of one bus than 50 cars, right?

So, with my new trend, people will eat fruits and veggie directly from the tree. No picking, just lean forward and nibble. Dwarf fruit trees and container vegetable will be delivered directly to your table and served on a Lazy Susan so everyone can eat family style.

I'm coming apart at the seams. I cant handle normal conversation or interaction with people. I'm just so sad and I hurt all the time. Nothing makes sense to me. I tried pinning my anger on bf, but he's asked me 3 times today if anythings wrong and I hear myself tell him that I'm okay, but thats not true. I feel like I want to talk, but I can't. What I really want to do is throw things and break things and allow myself to be completely and totally hysterical. Because thats what its like inside my head. The only time I feel okay is when I've willed myself to ignore that it even happened. But it always comes back.

Its been three months.

Originally Posted by iroc

You are scaring me. You need to get some help. It's not OK to just stay so unhappy like that. Please do something to get help.

I'm coming apart at the seams. I cant handle normal conversation or interaction with people. I'm just so sad and I hurt all the time. Nothing makes sense to me. I tried pinning my anger on bf, but he's asked me 3 times today if anythings wrong and I hear myself tell him that I'm okay, but thats not true. I feel like I want to talk, but I can't. What I really want to do is throw things and break things and allow myself to be completely and totally hysterical. Because thats what its like inside my head. The only time I feel okay is when I've willed myself to ignore that it even happened. But it always comes back.

Its been three months.

Originally Posted by iroc

You are scaring me. You need to get some help. It's not OK to just stay so unhappy like that. Please do something to get help.

Originally Posted by RedCatWaves

I woke up to a phone call on Jan 2nd that my dad died, very unexpectedly. There was no warning, no idea, no chance to say goodbye. My last phone call to him lasted 6 minutes bc it was Christmas and I was busy. I can talk to someone about it til I'm blue. Nothing is gonna fix it, and nothing can make me understand it. I hold myself together for my children. And thats all.

Like I said, some days I'm able to carry on fine, but those are the days I am able to put it out of my head.

The rest of my life I see as 'good'. Some days I just can't get there.

Byron,GA> Charleston, SC> Jacksonville, FL> Guilford, CT> Rohnert Park, CA! A southern drawl in sunny Cali! . The amount of time from slipping on the peel and landing on the pavement is exactly one bananosecond.I do have a secret yen for pink in unexpected places. ~ninja dogI've decided that I'll never get down to my original weight, and I'm OK with that--After all, 8 pounds 2 oz. is just not realistic.

Byron,GA> Charleston, SC> Jacksonville, FL> Guilford, CT> Rohnert Park, CA! A southern drawl in sunny Cali! . The amount of time from slipping on the peel and landing on the pavement is exactly one bananosecond.I do have a secret yen for pink in unexpected places. ~ninja dogI've decided that I'll never get down to my original weight, and I'm OK with that--After all, 8 pounds 2 oz. is just not realistic.

Thanks for the hug. But if this was real life I'd just end up blowing my nose on your shoulder.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 using CurlTalk App

Originally Posted by iroc

It's ok. I'd be prepared with Puffs Plus shoulder guards. And even if I wasn't it's ok. What's a little snot between friends.

Originally Posted by spring1onu

Do they make those? They should.

I've been coming up with reasons (that probably don't exist) to break up with bf. Because thats what I do. I shut people out. I mentioned the other day that I missed my old white phone case and I'd like a white and grey one and he went and bought one for me. And I'm ready to tell him to pack up and move out bc I'm a basketcase.

I'm coming apart at the seams. I cant handle normal conversation or interaction with people. I'm just so sad and I hurt all the time. Nothing makes sense to me. I tried pinning my anger on bf, but he's asked me 3 times today if anythings wrong and I hear myself tell him that I'm okay, but thats not true. I feel like I want to talk, but I can't. What I really want to do is throw things and break things and allow myself to be completely and totally hysterical. Because thats what its like inside my head. The only time I feel okay is when I've willed myself to ignore that it even happened. But it always comes back.

Its been three months.

Originally Posted by iroc

You are scaring me. You need to get some help. It's not OK to just stay so unhappy like that. Please do something to get help.

Originally Posted by RedCatWaves

I woke up to a phone call on Jan 2nd that my dad died, very unexpectedly. There was no warning, no idea, no chance to say goodbye. My last phone call to him lasted 6 minutes bc it was Christmas and I was busy. I can talk to someone about it til I'm blue. Nothing is gonna fix it, and nothing can make me understand it. I hold myself together for my children. And thats all.

Like I said, some days I'm able to carry on fine, but those are the days I am able to put it out of my head.

The rest of my life I see as 'good'. Some days I just can't get there.

Originally Posted by iroc

OK. I understand now. You're right...nothing is going to fix it. But time will ease it a bit. It really will.

I try to look at these things with the long-term perspective that I've gotten from being a parent for a very long time. If I were to die suddenly, I wouldn't want any of my children grieving over the fact that they didn't say goodbye to me or that they were too busy to give me much attention during our last encounters. I've been their parent forever, not just for the last phone call. The sum total of our relationship isn't judged on that last bit of business. It's much deeper than that. I've loved them always, not just during our last 6 minute phone call. Our shared 12-25 year histories means they don't have to regret anything. I'd want them to go forward with a clear conscience. I'm fairly sure most parents feel that way. Unfortunately, none of us gets out of here without losing ones we love.

I've been coming up with reasons (that probably don't exist) to break up with bf. Because thats what I do. I shut people out. I mentioned the other day that I missed my old white phone case and I'd like a white and grey one and he went and bought one for me. And I'm ready to tell him to pack up and move out bc I'm a basketcase.

Iroc, I agree with RCW. Please get help. I buried my dad and got laid off three days later. I kept it together long enough to find a good job, but also required that I leave my teenaged daughter with my mom. I thought I was going to lose my mind. Therapy helped.

RCW, that has to be one of the best posts I've read. I lost my parents young, and have had many of the regrets. You just put them into perspective for me.

(((iroc))) We lost our father without notice, too. I was at serious odds with him. It does get better. Believe, me, if you feel that he's in a better place, then I truly believe that he's remembering all the good, as RCW said.