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I'm Javonne Crumby, creator of Lesbionyx-- A space for queer women of color. As a Black woman who loves women, I grew tired of the lack of representation and resources for women like me. So I created a platform for us and by us, because no one tells our stories like us!

A Space for Queer Women of Color

Sep 28

Sep 28 Is Dating in the Workplace Right for You?

If you’re looking for “tips on responsible workplace dating” or “how to snag the water cooler bae”this article is not for you. If you’re looking for things to consider when wanting to date at work… pull up a chair!

Many years ago I was the type to date anyone. I was very laid back in my encounters. As long as the object of my gaze had a pulse, I would take them! That is exactly how I got involved in workplace dating. It’s easy to feel a connection with someone when you spend so much time with them at work. The office jokes and lunch time lounging can make almost anyone seem date-worthy. Not to mention the shared common interest of whatever workplace agenda you have. Match made in heaven? Quite possibly, but you must tread carefully.

My dating of co-workers was spread across a few different time periods in my life and several different companies, yet, the outcome was still the same. It ended up with two people hating each other. Two people who could not stand to be in the same room together. It was very awkward for ourselves and the others we interacted with. In fact either one or both of us ended up finding new jobs because the embarrassment was too much. I wasted my own time, the other persons time and my employers time (who do you think will have to train new employees when you chose to quit if things go south?)

Several articles written, including those by Glamour magazine and Your Tango, on the topic will tell you this: Avoid your boss, be direct, tell your company and set boundaries. See the old saying: “familiarity breeds contempt!” Sure, at the beginning it will be cute and cuddly to see your boo thang every day. It will be nice to eat lunch together and gossip about the office antics. It can even save a few dollars riding home together. Yet, if you aren’t careful, you may end up losing your sense of freedom and sanity.

Once the two of us got comfortable, we didn’t have to tell our company because everyone noticed the chemistry. If you do decide to date know right away that some will talk about it behind your back, while others are more direct. There is no way to keep a workplace relationship a secret. Despite your best efforts like coming in at different times, taking different elevators, etc. you’ll want to give it up. We cannot stay away from people we are attracted to, but relationships need space to grow. You don’t want someone hanging out at your office door every five minutes. Over time, this can lead to feeling a loss of personal freedom and can turn into a huge problem. I believe relationships can only be thoroughly enjoyed if we have time to miss our significant other. I think dating a coworker takes away that much needed space.

Another thing relationships need to thrive are boundaries. When we work with a lover, the boundaries become non-existent. You two will literally know every thing about everything! You, nor your partner, will have space to build friendships at work either. The good thing is, you won’t have to come home to vent to your partner because they already know the office tea. However, becoming privy to information that your office bae shouldn’t know, could cause a conflict of interest. If you tell your them confidential information, you could get caught up if they go blabbing about it. What if the information directly affects them? If you found out they may be getting fired, and you don’t tell them, they will likely resent you for not saying anything. Life is already complicated, you don’t need that type of negativity!

Dating at work can be a sticky situation. Before you take the plunge continue on to see what those who have been there and done that, have to say. We polled Lesbionyx readers on Instagram and a few shared their thoughts on dating at work:

The results are in:

Of those who HAVE dated in the workplace, the majority of the relationships have since ended.

It looks like the majority of you are not down to date in the workplace.

I’m adamantly against it..too messy…too many unnecessary obstacles…No room for that necessary ‘awayness’.”

— anonymous, Life Coach, 30's

“[Workplace] dating is so overrated!” 

— Kaitlin, Make-Up Enthusiast, 20's

“We all know how badly some relationships turn out and you just don’t need that at work.”

— Sam, Customer Service Representative, 30's

Seems like a pretty solid consensus on staying away. However, we all know there are two sides to every story. I am very sure you all have a friend that dated a colleague and it turned out wonderful. Followers of my Instagram (@tyler.in.training) along with followers of Lesbionyx, let us know just how sweet relationship romance can be. Kyndel @kyndelfyre was enthusiastic about her partner when asked have they dated someone at work. “I still do!” She also let us know that you don’t have to meet in the physical job as she and her partner met on the employee bus and still going strong after three years of bliss!

“We met on the employee bus three years ago and we’re still goin’!”



— Kyndel

Tuck @iamTuck7 met their fianceé in the workplace! “I was definitely crushing hard. Luckily we had mutual friends and were able to get to know each other outside of work.” Tuck also adds, “Our friends have always been happy for us and supportive of us. Our closest friends knew before we got around to actually saying it.”

“I met my fianceé at work... I was her supervisor!”

— Tuck

Not only are there people going strong but some are sealing the deal to make permanent bonds with their workplace bae. One reader shared “I got the best gift ever—my son!” and another shared “We are having our fifth wedding anniversary in November!”

While I am happy to share my horror stories with you, I can’t and don’t want to make that choice for you. Just consider all angles carefully. Oh, and anytime you feel like you might want to date a co-worker just revisit this article!