You say your love is bonafide but that don’t coincide with the things that you do

Happy new year from Bob’s World!

So I have not got round to sharing my wisdom and / or musings since 2018 – new job, lots of stuff taking my time up on the non-work front, and generally slacking.

A shocking event on Friday meant I had to put fingers to keys once more. Not shocking even, but demeaning and damaging.

So me and Kenny popped for a post-work beer (Maggie’s leaving do). Now even if I do say so myself, I look barely 51, let alone my real age of 52. So why – why?! – then did me. and half a decade younger K-Dawg, get served with dimpled pint glasses when all the youth (under 45s) get straight glasses?

No one else in the pub had one and it was busy. Even the solo old geezer with his carrier bag and lost dreams had a straight glass.

I am not Jack Duckworth.

Back to my usual fare though, dreams.

I did plan to do a blog in Jan and then in Feb and had notes to remind me what to cover. This included my dreams. The problem is my notes make little sense now so bear with me.

My dream notes state ‘Thomas Tank’. I have no memory of such a dream. I bet it was good though.

Now I do remember my Take That dream though. I turned up – alone? – at like a pizza restaurant, but you went through it and towards the back were huge paddock areas where the band were going to perform, but you had no idea which one they would go in and when so you had to just choose a spot and hope. Robbie Williams came to warm up on keyboards (it was a dream ok) and was frankly awful and he slunk off again.

We the went through the back of the place to the ‘garden’ which was basically rolling hills, woods and countryside. Everyone was running to where they thought the group would appear first e.g. some teenage girls were making a big den out of branches and pinning their denim Take That patches all over it.

I was on a lovely small hill and it was beautifully sunny. I realised though that groups of fans were drifting into the woodland. Eventually I decided to take a risk too. Bingo! I came across a small gauge railway line. This must mean something I thought and I entered a door going into a corridor within a small building by the line. As I walked further it became narrower and it became clear I would have to turn back. This passage was narrow. It was a narrow passage. A narrower passage than you even imagined.

Eventually I found a way out. Now, you ask, what happened Bob, was the concert good? What is the dream conclusion? No idea. That really is it other than seeing my friend Melanie and her daughter earlier on. That’s dreams for you.

Had it been reality I would have stolen the train – ooh hold on, is that the Thomas link?? – and gone off-track to run over smarmy Robbie W and his mates who I assume would include Garth Crooks and Jamie Idiot Oliver.

My other dream notes do not help me;

Sofa / little boy

Laughing men

Syreeta wig

Religious service

Mrs Bob & river

Woman & baby

I can clarify what I meant by Syreeta wig at least.

Look it made sense in my dream ok?

Talking music, when we had ‘Drinks at home with the Bobs’ in early Jan, I put together a cracking play list on Spotify and continue to do so. My latest faves on my ‘Maidstone 45’ playlist include;

Gene Loves Jezebel – The motion of love

Ian Dury & the Blockheads – What a waste

The Sundays – Here’s where the story ends

The Three Johns – Never and always

Nick Lowe – Cruel to be kind

The Monkees – Daydream believer

Judie Tzuke – Stay with me ’til dawn

Renaissance – Northern Lights

Bob James – Angela (‘Theme from ‘Taxi’)

Johnny Cash – Hurt

Imagine being at one of my parties. Ha ha!

The new year’s party was not ninja and / or sex and / or strawberries and cream related, but being badass, a group of us went onto the badass patio and passed a vape doodah round and inhaled it up our nostrils. I have no idea why but it seemed a good idea at the time. Basil, the owner of the aforementioned vape doodah, told me that the taste of it the next day was ‘complex, nutty and with a hint of Caramac’.

We discovered that our friends drink mainly real ale and red wine and like samosas. We also discovered that love is like a butterfly, as soft and gentle as a sigh; that the multicoloured moods of love are like its satin wings and indeed that love makes your heart feel strange inside, it flutters like soft wings in flight. In summary, love is like a butterfly, a rare and gentle thing.

We went to Neville’s 50th party last night and I have to say the slabs of cheese were the biggest I had ever seen at a social event / frolic. The cheddar cheese could have been used as a foundation stone for a cathedral (there is a cheddar joke in there but do it yourself).

J.O.B. did a great set of party faves including two Depeche Mode tracks and a finale of Sweet Caroline. I was annoyed that – despite me saying I didn’t like it – they played Mustang Sally anyway. I protested by having more cheese outside whilst drinking. That showed everyone.

Mrs Bob and GirlBob looked absolutely lovely. I was made to have a shower, to change out of my grubby dogwalking gear and to ‘sort your hair out’ before I was deemed acceptable. Overall though I think I was well-behaved. Great to bump into Hubert too, the evil finger puppet.

‘Oi Bob, what is it what it is that you have only been watching and reading and all that?’ I hear you croon.

Books –

Chrissie Hynde Biography – was I the only one unaware of the Pretenders connection with Hereford?

Ian Dury biography – Mickey Gallagher played with The Clash?!

The Wall by John Lanchester – highly recommend – read it!

Films –

World’s End – much better than I remember it

The Last Days (on Netflix) – v good if you like that apocalyptic vibe like me

The Lobster – with Olivia Colman, by the same director who did ‘The Favourite’. This was the oddest film I have ever seen; dystopian and bonkers and very watchable.

I so love talking about myself. Ha ha!

I may have to stop now as I realise I have so much rubbish to tell you about that is of no interest even to me.

Actually, I did have a dream last night about zombie stuff. This is a common one for me. I hid out in a bit of the Tower of London but really hard to get away from these things as they were fast and smart. I think the aim was to make it up to Scotland. I assume there are no zombies there.

Where do dreams become reality? BoyBob has made his documentary debut with this piece and I am up for an Oscar for my role.

May I finish with Grange Hill? Me and Mrs Bob bought the latest series to come out on DVD for BoyBob for Xmas. This was classic GH – the first appearance of Roland. Now it turns out his mum was the problem – always giving him food. He did stuff his face a lot too despite Gripper Stebson’s attentions. When Bullet Baxter caught Roland bunking off school, whilst BB was leading some big lads on a run, he made Roland join the run back to school. Seriously? He was in ful school uniform, had just eaten an apple, and had school shoes on. At his weight he could have had heart failure, and as he was being bullied how did this help his self esteem? I ask you.

No wonder Gripper was a bully though. He had clear reading problems, dyslexia I bet, and was mocked in the class by other pupils for this as well as by the teacher.