I think it's important to have a discussion ongoing and to have a visual thread here that can help prompt someone into writing a message when they'd perhaps not start a new thread themselves, whether it be about depression, anxiety, loss etc

Especially pertinent given TWTD's recent thread which really highlights how real a b*stard this issue is and how close to home it can be.

For what it's worth TWTD's last login was yesterday evening. Hopefully he'll find time to get on here to let us know how he's getting on.

Agree that this thread is a great idea, especially as us chaps (rashly presuming that mostkumbers are male) are notoriously bad about talking about things. From what I recall reading the other threads on this subject that they were well contributed to in terms of both those sharing issues and possibly more importantly people providing advice.

Possibly not appropriate for it to be a sticky, or to be a forum on its own.

My name is Ian and I suffer with depression.It all started with the death of my father, followed by a particularly difficult time in my life (won't go into that though). I sat on a bridge over the A2 seriously considering "falling off" watching all the cars and lorries going by when my wife found me and made me sit and talk. She was the lifeline I needed and I am so proud of her being there and understanding the problems I was having.

I started taking Citalopram and have been on it ever since, about 4 years now. I still have bad days, but most of them are good. My boss knows and makes a point of talking to me to see if I am OK.

Hammers Dad wrote:My name is Ian and I suffer with depression.It all started with the death of my father, followed by a particularly difficult time in my life (won't go into that though). I sat on a bridge over the A2 seriously considering "falling off" watching all the cars and lorries going by when my wife found me and made me sit and talk. She was the lifeline I needed and I am so proud of her being there and understanding the problems I was having.

I started taking Citalopram and have been on it ever since, about 4 years now. I still have bad days, but most of them are good. My boss knows and makes a point of talking to me to see if I am OK.

That was easy

I went through a pretty deep pit of depression for a while about 5 years ago, the same as you following a difficult time. I never sat on bridge but certainly had some very comparable thoughts in my head - Along with looking back now, some dangerous repetitive situations while I was drunk standing alone on a train platform (Nothing happened, and I'm very glad that it never, but I was probably close.)

I was on the ADs but managed to get off them after about 2 years. I took citalopram and pregabalin.

I've still battled depression at some level since, I always have. I've started to feel particularly down for no reason recently though, no reason why. I changed my life style around a year ago to include less stress, a much better diet, and regular exercise (80% weight, 20% cardio). It's helped a bit.

Considering going back to the docs as I'm finding myself down more and more, to the point where I just don't want to talk to anyone, and find myself feeling a random combination of angry/sad over nothing. I feel a bit pathetic a times with it all if I'm honest - I've been getting through it all by just telling myself to man up a bit.

In 2011 I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder (type 2, the milder of the 2) which means I don't need to have lithium to level me just some mood stabilizers (which are used to treat epilepsy) only problem with them is I have to pay for them as they are not an approved treatment for the condition.. but hey ho £100 a year so spot me running up huge debts? ill take that.

My Doctor thought I was depressed and was about to put me on anti depressants until I told him it wasn't the depress states I feared it was the hyper states where I literally think I can take on the world. So he then realized what it was and have been on the meds ever since.

Its the small things in life you realize are hard.. the little mood swings that you cant control (much like being a women I guess lol) this year I just got my full driving license back... after 5 years of having medical restricted licenses.. having to renew every year at first for 2 years was a pain and added to my insurance cost (discrimination in my book) was a relief when I got a 3 year license. The 3 year license was up for renewal this year so I sent it back as normal and they sent me a full license.. I think before I took for granted what it meant to have an unrestricted license... I was so happy.. over this tiny thing.. just meant the world to me.

Other things like having yearly medicals for work.. because of the job I am in (service control on the underground) they have to constantly check I am stable and not going to apply the emergency brakes remotely on one of our trains or compromise safety.. I don't mind the medicals just a bit of a pain to be called up every year.. twice this year infact because they forgot to type up the notes and the doctor went on holiday so no record of it... waste of a day

I worry my daughter will develop it later in life but just got to not worry I guess (easier said then done when your mind works at 10 times the speed that it should most of the time)

Citalopram is the go to anti depressant for doctors, mainly because it's cheap. It can take up to 3 months for it to work and up to a year to get off of it - very must s case soft weening yourself off of it.

I was prescribed it last year when my dad past away and work binned me. My sister / brother in law convinced me there are alternatives and I took the counselling and physical excercise route. Both helped a lot, especially the latter and now feel generally better all round.

Not sure if any of you chaps have seen the Netflix documentary 'The Mask you live in', but it's worth a watch if you have 90 mins spare.

It basically talks about how society makes it quite difficult for boy's to talk to each other about what they're going through and how this has a huge impact on the number of mental health issues and eventually suicides that hit men more than women.

I think it's a great film anyway, but if you have a son I think it's particularly interesting. So many young boys/men who walk around with pain and anger inside them and no-one to talk to about it.

Well done Steve for noticing that the other thread had dissapeared and creating a new one. Already i can see that it has been of benefit to two posters.

I have certainy suffered in the past, but rather than take the prescribed medication i took up running and it helped me immensely. Even now some 15 odd years later if i don't get out and do some sort of exercise i can get agitated or feel a bit down. It really is my medicine (apart from a good pub session!)

My psychiatrist was keen to switch my meds that I take to combat depression and GAD in part exacerbated by my Aspergers. The ones I was taken were barely touching the sides even at quite high doses.

Told me to come off them cold turkey 10 days ago, which caused problems of its own whilst I was doing that. then get to today and find out that he has forgotten to advise my GP of the change and now I can't get my new meds at least not for a few days.

I've been treated for depression since my teens, and both my parents had significant mental health issues. Just to add a touch of icing on this miserable cake, I was finally told a couple of years ago that my paternal grandmother, who mysteriously disappeared from our lives when I was a kid, walked into the sea and drowned herself.

I often get times when I'm filled with such complete despair and hopelessness that nothing seems worthwhile. BUT, I have learnt over the years to understand that this isn't a true or real picture of things. When I get times like this, I just focus on moving from one moment to the next until it passes, as it will. I've become bloody minded about surviving, about making myself a pretty decent life, and about not being beaten into submission by it.

This isn't intended as a tale of self-pity--it's trivial compared to most people. It's just important to highlight that this sort of thing touches many, many people's lives...nobody is alone with it.

I don't mean to hijack this thread as I do not suffer from any mental health issues. I had typed out a huge post and then deleted it. It actually helped to put those words down. Instead, I will summarise. Over the last 2 years I have lived with a fiancee and now wife that suffers from depression. It's been an incredibly challenging period and I have learnt a huge amount as an individual, as a couple and also about the wider circle of friends and family.

Ever since I have known her she has always been what I would deem a stress head. Worrying about every little thing, often on the edge and for me, over-thinking. Rightly or wrongly, I tended to brush it off, tell her to stop being silly and get on with it. That was my nature. That was not her nature. Looking at it now, it would of helped to have seen somebody about the intense and high level of anxiety she suffered from and still does. A car exhaust running late in the night was viewed as terrorists with a bomb in their car outside our house. She convinced herself she had HIV and left work to get a same day test. These things were beyond me. I found them ridiculous. Irritating. And of course irrational. But then I didn't see that she didn't want to think or feel that - but she did, and she couldn't stop it.

This all came to a head a couple of years back when for some reason, I felt quite differently about it and actually physically took her to a GP. It all came out, including a plan she had concocted to jump in front of a high speed train, and other suicidal thoughts. She was referred to a Crisis team due to the risk she was deemed as posing to herself. This sits one underneath being hospitalised. She was adamant she did not want to take anti-depressants but in the end, relented. This was with the agreement that she would do this alongside talking therapy. The anti depressants took some time to kick in but did help. It evened her out somewhat however she described it as having no feelings. She didn't feel hopelessness but nor did she feel happiness or joy. The talking therapy was difficult. She had been used to portraying a certain self for so long. It took about 8 months for this barrier to be broken down somewhat.

February this year she made a decision to come off the anti-depressants. I was not sure this was the best course of action but in consultation with the doctor, they agreed. She continued the talking therapy which was going well. It was described as opening up Pandora's box and making sense of everything that came out. Fast forward to 3 months ago and the talking therapy stopped. This was with the NHS and the year was over. It was almost like she was dropped. She had to learn to cope herself. Interpret her feelings. Deal and answer the questions that were posed in the sessions. There is an element of doing that yourself. But she struggled and mood swings became more apparent. I tried going through the Crisis team but was blocked. I asked her to see the GP but it was rejected. And then it blew up again. The self hate came to the fore. She was not good enough. The pressure spilled out. She self harmed and attempted suicide again. I should of seen the signs. I expected bumps in the road but was not alive or aware enough to those feelings. I went back to the Crisis team and the counsellor has come back onto the scene. She thinks a new therapy is needed but will see her on a weekly basis until that is found. My wife still does not want to go back to the anti-depressants but the talking helps.

5 weeks ago, we find out that my wife is pregnant. This coincided with the last bout of rage and hate. I had mixed emotions. It was something we have both wanted. But I worry for her health. She is my priority. We have spoken. She is upset that I am not overjoyed. I feel it would be wrong for me to lie. She has talked to the mental health team and now seen the GP. They have offered lots of support.She has opened up to other people. The support network has grown. We have started mindfulness together. And stressed the importance of talking. Being honest. I have told her that I cannot do this on my own nor can she.

Apologies for jumping around a bit. I see this as a safe space. It has felt good to get this down. Therapeutic in some way. I found this incredibly helpful in my aim to understand and be more supportive: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiCrniLQGYc" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

In late 2008 I visited the chemist section at Tesco in Pitsea, the Boots in Pitsea centre, the chemist on Pitsea high road, the chemist section at Asda in Basildon and the Boots in Basildon centre. At each, I purchased a packet of sleeping pills. I took them home and proceeded to eat as many as I could. It's funny: They're only little pills and you'd think you could easily neck the lot but I've never been much good at swallowing pills and I could only manage a little over 30 before I could feel myself gagging, and I didn't want to throw them all up. Still, thirty should be plenty. After maybe ten minutes I started to feel sleepy and thought well, here it is and here we are. Just a nice lay down and a nap, that's all. I ****ed this life up, there's just something missing in my makeup which other folk possess which enables them to... just, cope.

So, many hours later - 15? 18? - I woke up. Slightly fuzzy-headed, VERY shaky and wobbly, the wrong way up in the bed, and covered in vomit. Turns out that whilst thirty sleeping pills will surely kill you dead as Dillinger, if you take them all at once your body will reject them. That I didn't choke to death on my own sick - well, that was just dumb luck I guess. That shaky/wobbly feeling lasted several days, incidentally. It's hard to describe, I just couldn't trust my body to do exactly what I wanted. I couldn't possibly hold a glass of squash or a cup of tea, for instance, without throwing it all over myself. Walking was like I'd deliberately spun myself around a hundred times before I set off. Only a few days it lasted, but it was long enough to wonder if I'd done permanent damage. An ironic concern from a failed attempt at suicide.

Anyway, why I was in that state's not important. What IS important, vitally important, is that I sit here in 2017 gassing to you bumgremlins on KUMB, with my kitty-kat on my lap and my son behind me noodling on his laptop, and my wife - my soul mate, with whom I became involved only a couple of months after my adventure with the pills - sitting across from me, a wistful smile on her face as she watches the Quantum Leap box-set I bought her for Christmas (it was a childhood favourite of hers; I think it's fuckawful but that's a whinge for another thread), and I thank whatever Gods there are (or aren't) that I was such a ****ing loser I couldn't even get death right, because it was a very permanent answer to what were, after all, transient, temporary problems.

People say it's good to talk and I've no doubt that it is. Still, I really had nobody with whom I could discuss anything. Nobody personal. Not right at that point. I'd imagine that's a large part of why many fall totally into despair and take the final way out. Still, once I'd decided I was still here and going to try again, just a little further, it was the little things that kept me seeing each day through, one at a time.

Little things like KUMB.

The ability to come to a virtual space like this and just make big issues of the fundamentally unimportant, such as football, or music, or film, or bloody Pot Noodle flavours or Toby Keith concerts, kept me at bay from myself. That's not to say that I was able to stick my head in the sand - that would've been impossible, even if I'd wanted to - but at those moments in the day where it might otherwise had been just me and my over-thought thoughts, I was able to plug into a completely light-hearted world where the biggest problems were Duxbury and CB Holdings and which player we could draw best on MS Paint. And it helped, believe. Only a little bit (and there were other such places on the www, not KUMB alone, although KUMB was my most visited place by some measure), but a little bit was enough to get me a little further. And a little further. And a little further, and a little further. Until eventually... well, it gets better, doesn't it? Even if it's something which never goes entirely away, it gets better.

What was my point? I'm not sure. Maybe: If any of you are ever thinking that way, just don't think what you're thinking, and stay here with me a tiny bit longer, yeah? Whatever any of you want to bend my ear about, I'll listen. At any time of the am or pm, for as long as it takes for that tiny bit longer to become a tiny bit longer than that, and so on and so on until the world doesn't look quite as dark, eh? Listening is more-or-less all I'm good for, but I'm not bad at it. And I owe it, to every one of you.

Great thread. my story is that I deal with death often in my profession. I was curious how I had become desensitized. Triple fatal incident I attended a while back and on the journey home was singing along to the radio. I tried to explain this to my colleagues who thought I was lucky to be so hard nosed about it. Then a friend of the family killed herself. 16 years old and I adored her from baby to teenager. I broke down. Big time. I've had professional therapy and like I'm human after all. It's hard but i'm getting better.

A sport that punishes you for 4 hours a time yet you can't stop going back for more

It's kept me going (along with meeting my wife) for all these years and kept me level

It's something I couldn't just pick up and do (I get bored easily with things I can master so computer games sometimes get boring etc) so because it's always pushing me to improve it keeps me on my toes and happy

Also made some decent friends through golf who I wouldn't have met otherwise

White Goodman wrote:My psychiatrist was keen to switch my meds that I take to combat depression and GAD in part exacerbated by my Aspergers. The ones I was taken were barely touching the sides even at quite high doses.

Told me to come off them cold turkey 10 days ago, which caused problems of its own

My boy [ Aspergers ] was seen by his Doctor / Psychologist earlier this year and suggested he switched meds - from Fluoxitine to Paroxetine .

The biggest problem we face is keeping him occupied - he signed up for a Higher Drama course [ equivalent to A level ] in Inverness and despite initial problems achieved an ' A ' to go with his other Highers . He applied to do Drama in Inverness Uni and was turned down . The other kid with Aspergers was also turned down [ he achieved a B ] - This week he was given a position as a Classroom Assistant teaching kids Drama once a week in Portree but ideally he would like to study Drama at Uni . Dan's Aspergers has caused anger issues and mood swings in me - not with him , with the outside world , I'm probably mildly depressed also .

well done for picking this back up rars, you can see it is already helping!

Last. "Little things like KUMB"

absolutely! I've never suffered from depression, not that I am aware of anyway but I have had times where I felt sad for a while or just pretty down, never that bad though..but little things like Kumb can be huge. when I felt down I used to listen to podcasts constantly, specifically the gervais, merchant and Pilkington ones and it's like you transport to another little world! and I have since seen people say that those podcasts literally got people through times where they were close to ending it!

talk about it, find little things that take you away from things for a little while and can make you laugh!not always that easy but just reading LC's post show's what is possible!

I won't tell you my whole story, but I have had some very dark days and a few horrendous days like some of the people have mentioned above.

It's difficult for me to talk to anyone as that's not something I was bought up with, however if you are given the chance then try it. It can help if you need it. It's great to know there is support here for people as well.

sorry it's not a great post from me however it is something that is important to me and has been part of my life for a long time, close to fifteen years.