Wednesday, May 30, 2012

It is true. I sometimes find myself wondering if I am a casualty, prisoner of war, prisoner of love, missing in action, commander, general, petty officer, private, or even retired. I don't know these days.

We are all trying to get to the point in which we want to live our lives and enjoy it with someone in which we can not function without. We yearn for that man/woman in which we love to lay with at all times of the day and night. We wish to day and night dream about that individual that amazes us and yes, causes us to do some crazy and unimaginable things. People desire to share their past, present, and future world with that someone who will take the chance and opportunity to understand them and love them under no particular rules and circumstances. Since ancient volumes of fairy love tales have been written...the desire, want, and need for love has not changed.

Then, when an unknown time in your life appears, and you have gone through the battles, skirmishes, wars, conflicts, spats, affairs, dilemmas, and have either become a winner, a loser, or a no contest result, you want to retire and be in love. I find myself in the position of a 5-star general about to apply for disability...sometimes the heart and mind can't take anymore.

I am sure I am not the only one who has made a battle plan, only to change it when the person you are fighting for has decided that your territory is not the place to explore and lay claim. I am sure that others, not only myself have exhausted all resources and have pulled out all of the creative tactics to garner the white flag of others in our conquest of the "land of emotions, desire, and the heart". How many have decided to lay down grenades and bombs of possible mistrust and disrespect to gain a response that will guide us in the direction we should go? Recall the times in which you have had long conversations with your allies to develop a new plan of action or strategy, only to be blindsided by an attack that left you wounded and questioning rather or not you should go on. I know I have been in situations in which the cost was too high and the reward was too low and I decided to pack up the camp and retreat, never to engage in a war with that person ever again.

There are many different outcomes and several ways and means to get to a desired and sometimes undesired result, the only thing I can say is ...Keep Fighting! You have to believe in the future! The battleground can get cold, lonely, and treacherous. There might be an "unfriendly" littered along the path to the person you desire, but you have to keep fighting. If you have no one to fight for or to fight with, keep fighting anyway. There is always pain within your passion, and the desire to fulfill that passion is what blocks out the pain.

I know that things are changing as far as love is concerned in my own fight. If I can offer some advice, I would say to do the following:

1. Pick your battles wisely!

- Some people are not worth the resources, time, and energy to fight for.

2. Never lose sight of your goal and who you are!

- Never change the fiber of your being, your integrity, or your values to gain an advantage. In the end, you have only hurt yourself.

3. Stand up for what is right!

-Just because someone may look good, it may not be good for you. Eliminate the wrong ones before your love camp is compromised.

4. Too much gathering of intelligence from outside sources can cause unwarranted controversy.

-Your allies are YOUR allies and are not going to fight all of your battles or always have the correct information. If it is "TOP SECRET" then it is for a reason. Sometimes you may need to label your own files.

5. Everything and everyone is not for everybody!

- Create your own tactics and strategy for your own battles. What may work for one person may not work for you.

6. It is okay to retreat and lose.

-There is nothing wrong with attending to your wounds and realizing that some battles are not meant for you to win. You are too tired and spent to continue waging a war you know you won't win. Remember during those times that sometimes you have won...even when it appears you have lost!

I have not yet fully retired, and I do enjoy the opportunity of new conquests and lands to explore. I am just doing it in a more intelligent way. I know that one day in the future I shall have a great ceremony in which I am dressed to the nines with all of my allies around me watching the conquest end, my surrender, and the young lady to whom I have rendered my white flag to will retire this 5- star general as her "prisoner of love". She will not only be my "medal", but my "lady of honor"!!

Sunday, May 27, 2012

I used to date a model and we got back in touch last year and decided to try the relationship "thing" again. When we initially met in 2006 I can honestly say that my confidence was not as high and assured as it is now. I was unsure of myself and also not very mature in my skin to actually recognize and embrace my worth. I suppose she saw that I was a very intelligent guy, but I was not someone she desired to date. Besides, she is/was a model at that point in time, I was not in her league. I was not her "pedigree". I was not someone that was as pleasing on her eyes as she was used to dating. Alright to make it more plain, I was not model material...like I am now! LOL

The year 2011 comes along and the "model" and I meet up again. I am more confident and not as self conscious about my appearance as in the past. We were intimate and not to brag but I did put it down! There was no doubt that the guy from 2006 had seriously gone into hibernation, never to wake up and appear again.
During this time frame I recall she and I had a conversation concerning money and love. When asked a question via e-mail... "What she would marry for?", she simply said... she would "marry for money because there is no one who would love her".
Our last date occurred (when I returned from San Francisco) proved to me she was no longer the confident model I met, but more like a shell of a person, a mass of superficial values and shallow virtues I did not want to get to know anymore. I decided to move on and she was well aware of me doing so. I am not a cash register, I am a man and I know I am a damn good guy to be with and not for mere financial gain.

CONNECTION

Last night I received a text message from the "model". She asked how I was doing and since I am recovering from surgery I told her what I was going through. I then asked how she was doing. She told me some shocking things...

1. She had just moved out of her apartment to one of her parent's houses.
2. She is playing catch up on her finances.
3. She admits that she did not do what she was supposed to do to sustain herself in a responsible adult fashion.
4. She is still single.

The conversation moved forward and I decided to ask her (out of pure curiosity) what she would do differently so that she would not be in the situation again. Her reply... "I will start to save more money in July".
I could hear my mother speaking in my ear concerning this woman. I know for myself there will come a time in all of our lives, no matter how good looking you might be, how rich, how smart, how healthy, how affluent in any part of life you might be, that you WILL BE humbled! If you are not thankful and recognize WHO and HOW you were blessed, it can all fizzle away in just a matter of time. At any instant it can all be taken away. Then and only then does that memory come into mind to bring you back and place you back into the size that you know you are. "Humble Pie", might be a hello of a dish to eat, but it is a waste if it does not digest well.

I wish the model well in her attempt to become financially stable and have the ability to love herself because of who she is and not how she looks. I also hope that she will realize that money is not the source of finding lasting and loving relationships. Money is made to enjoy the things we need and want in life. In addition, I do hope she finds a man that will love her and that she will love him for who he is and not how she can benefit financially.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

For the past several years there has been a statement that many individuals have said and allowed it to flow from their tongues with no equivocation in a joking fashion, but yet they are serious ...

"Don't judge me!"

In contrast, I say...

Please do judge me!

It is no secret that I have done some pretty rotten things in my life. In addition, people as a whole have done some very nasty things to others and well, we all have to pay our dues and reap what we sow I feel that it is not wise to tell someone or give the directive to not to judge you, knowing that it is giong to be done anyway. I have worked hard not to judge anyone, and try to realize that people will be people and that we are all in this world trying to do the following:
1. Be happy!
2. Make a living to take care of ourselves and/or our family!
3. Have the maximum amount of benefit out of life for the minimum amount of sacrifice!
4. Make sure when we leave this life that we leave it in peace.

There might be more, but those are just a few off of the top of my head. I often wonder why there is so much emphasis on not being judged. What is it that we are afraid of? Condemnation from self or friends? Having to hear from someone how right they were and how wrong you were concerning a decision you made for your life and your choice not to take their advice? How others will look at us if the "skeletons" in our closet are revealed? Will we get funny looks from those and snickers from individuals that might have heard or know of our transgressions? What is it that makes us refrain from being a participant or the subject of open scrutiny?
I don't have the answers to those questions. For the most part I doubt it will do any good or change the mindset of society if the answers were given, accepted, ratified, and posted on billboards and websites all over the world. All I can say is that I accept your judgments of me on an open platter. In point of fact, I ponder when I attend church (since every sinner has a past) that people are scared of what folks in the "Church" may think and/or say about them. If you were a:

Thank God you aren't one anymore and no need to be ashamed or be fearful of judgments from someone in the house of God or elsewhere! I do believe that God has used some of the aforementioned categories of persons to do great works despite the lives they led.
People...If you want to judge me or others please do! It is an honor to be on your mind. It is deeply flattering that you think enough of me and other folks to say comments to those that have an ear to hear and eyes to see of what kind of person I am. I would only hope that when that day comes when standing in that line to determine from your life's work if you will be walking the road towards Heaven or Hell that you are standing next to me. I'd love to see how much talking you will be doing then, as you will be judged. I can only imagine if my name or the names of those you have condemned will be mentioned and a determining factor to where you will spend eternity. A quick solution would be to apply the rule has been said over and time again...
IF YOU HAVE NOTHING GOOD TO SAY, (about a person) THEN SAY NOTHING AT ALL!!

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