Four Management Lessons

Lesson One

A crow was sitting in a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the
crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground
below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit
and ate it.

Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very,
very high up.

Lesson Two

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy".
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the
bull "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump
of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first
branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the
second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the
top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out
of the tree.

Management Lesson: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you
there.

Lesson Three

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said,
"I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him
to where he wants to go." The Hands said, "We should be the Boss because
we do all the work and earn all the money." And so it went on and on with
the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the
parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. Promptly, the asshole
went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the
eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs
began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole
should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the
work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Management Lesson: You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do.

Lesson Four

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold that the bird
froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow
came by and dropped a load of hot, steaming dung on it. As the frozen bird lay
there in the pile of shit, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was
actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy and soon began to
sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung.
The cat promptly dug the bird out, killed him and ate him.

Management Lesson: Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy. Not everyone
who pulls you out of shit is your friend. And when you're warm and happy in
your pile of shit, keep your mouth shut!