08 February 2009

“Listen to that little squirt out there, talkin’ shit, and it couldn’t mean a thing…”-From ‘The Criminal Inside Me’ by R.L. Burnside

Mmm, MMM, it looks like Aphrodite’s kid sister took some notice of me. You see, Petra over at The Wise (*Young*) Mommy has invited me into a contest to be the new male half of “HeBlogs/SheBlogs”, the weekly column she runs on her blog. For personal reasons, the handsome and talented Heinous at Irregularly Periodic Ruminations has to take a leave of absence, and Petra, well, she doesn’t want to be alone, youknowwhutImsane? WHICH SHE WON'T BE BECAUSE OF HER STUNNINGLY HANDSOME, ULTRA-VIRILE HUSBAND.

So naturally, she thought of me. So handsome, so virile, knows his way around a keyboard. HehHeh. Now, I know when you click on the link to her blog you’ll see that my name isn’t on the original list of whipping boys, er, contestants. I was a little worried myself, until I saw the e-mail from her in my inbox, saying “Drop what yer doin’ get down upon yer knees, I’ve a message for you, that ya better believe.” Well, what would you have done? Yeah, that’s what I thought. It was then I understood what was going on. HehHeh.

“I know what you’re trying to say, baby. You’re trying to say, ooh yeah, it’s business time.” Business time, indeed. Petra, I know what you were really doing. You didn’t want to put me in the list right away, because you didn’t want to scare off the other fellows, yeah. That’s it. No, no, I’m not insulted, you were just playing nice. And I’ve seen your picture; you’re all kinds of nice, darlin’. And you need “contestants” if you want to call it a “contest”, yeah, I know what you are trying to say. What’s that? A list? Okay, if I must. Oh, I get it. I should list the other “guys” to show all the ladies who the king really is, yeah; they’ll be the white gold setting to my “crown jewels”, uh, huh. Alright, the gentleman that I am never fails to please his lady. The eunuchs, er, strapping lads who have also been “invited” are:

I’m all about the fairness, ladies, so there they are. Feel free to humiliate, er, visit them, let them know they are nice, pretty lads and all, but that you’ve tasted of the Emerald Isle and no other gumbo will do!

Petra, you aren’t known as ‘Wise’ for nothing. It may be part of your last name, baby, but it means wisdom, too. That’s cool. And thank you, so very much for letting me in, you know? It was cold out there on the lawn all night, trying to hide from the cops. But now that I’m here, let’s stop playin’ games, it’s….business time.

Kidding aside, I am very flattered and delighted to have been asked to participate. Heinous has left us all a big hill to climb, AND BY HILL I IN NO GUISE MEANT PETRA, AT ALL, and we all wish him blessings and luck as he takes care of his personal matters. Along with Heinous, and all of the fellows listed above, I am proud to be in some excellent writerly company indeed. Petra will be posting two entries a day (mine is Monday, tomorrow) through Thursday, eight in all, with voting beginning Thursday evening. Please visit with Petra, read all the entries, and VOTE. The decision, I think, will be difficult to make. These guys are good. Thank you!

But beware, sir Irish Gumbo, cause my husband reads these blogs. You don't want to piss him off because he gets final veto power on EVERYTHING. You might want to include something next time about my ultra virile, handsome husband to get on his good side ;)

You are so going to kick ass and take names.... they got nuttin' on you. YOU are the wicked pissa Gumby. They? They are insignificant... much like fleas on a camel's back..Oh, and I'd vote for you just because the crotchety old man yelling at cars isn't a Springsteen fan. How could someone not be a Springsteen fan? I just don't get it...

cIII: "That this foul deed shall smell above the earth With carrion men, groaning for burial." RIGHT ON, BRO! The "...dogs of war..." phrase is one of my all time favorite phrases EVER WRITTEN in the English language! (hand smites chest)

Captain: A thousand pardons, good sir. The fury of the hunt hast left my brain overheated. I am humbled by your concern!

I'll be voting! By the way, I am a R.L Burnside freakazoid! When I was a high school prinicpal, I would play Burnside over the intercom to fire up the football team! None of the kids or faculty were familiar with Burnside, but they were by the end of the year! Bet them miss R.L. and me!

"I also have a windfall of cash from a shipment of chocolate (I kept the best) that I double bartered for a stepvan full of Chateauneuf du Pape and a crateful of something called the "Thai Rabbits - requires batteries"

HOw exciting, I'll go have some visits to the blogs I don't know yet! (you all know I am quite new around here) LOL, great description of how it all came to be, and I SO have to say, I LOVE that FOC video, Business, Time, one of my all time favs!

Why does it seem like whenever I tell EVERYONE I know about something (flight of the concords), it always seems like it catches on like TWO YEARS LATER, but nobody will watch it when I say to watch it.