Dear Diary,
I entered the Internet today! it was amazing I met a black guy in the back alley while taking a piss, and all of a sudden he smiled and i saw him. I said "are you gonna rob me Morpheus?" He replied "no my good sir I have the ability to let you go through the internet!!!!". We discussed his pill that would allow me to flow freely through the internet tubes! I was tempted diary. I could view porn or bust out of someones screen like in that horror movie where the internet takes over. So I took the pill and could feel my body being converted into a digital signal! I then ran around and entered the internet! Morpheus was right internet air is much more scrumptious and smells become breathes of orgasms. This internet i was in had clowns and tons of cats using bad grammer. IT WAS A NIGHTMARE!!! I then entered a gay porn site. Where not only were there naked men I found my self totally aroused! I had to leave before my semen would travel across the tubes and impregnate cute anime nurses. Lets say when the pill wore off I found myself in a respectable household with a super soaker and womens panties on and repeating the saying "THE LINE MUST BE DRAWN HERE THIS FAR NO FARTHER" and smacking my super soaker across the dudes wifes tits. I had to admit my time in jail was less eventful. But one day diary i plan to get a prescription of internet pills from my local pharmacy and explore the tubes once again.......

The Stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Dear Diary,
I have a confession to make..... I like little girls.........!!!!!!!!!! I watched Hannah Montana today with my date and then we fucked. But heres the worst part when i went to put that money shot in his face I saw her face instead. Oh diary im totally not gay either because when i fuck the dude he is the catcher........ Im not gay diary hes getting the surgery down their next week so KNOCK IT OFF!!!!! Okay back to the subject. I kept thinking about her and then i went to Wal-Mart And purchased KY-Jelly to make sure letting one off would be fantastic. I then watched a full episode diary! I cant tell you the plot points all i know is her dad is using her to make money i think. Once i came i realized my tranny lover and I needed to order a Hannah Montana mask so when im fucking that ass and looking at the dick and balls (i mean vagina sorry) I can look at Hannah staring back at me with those cold eyes and her........ UH!!1!1!!!! Sorry babe i came on your pages again i know you hate that. Alright diary i gotta put ya back on the shelf. One more thing Diary I got a mini Hannah Montana mask for you as well so you will be less neglected by me alright? Good night sweet prince.....

The Stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Updated 2009-12-24 03:54:25

Dear Diary,
I was eating breakfast this morning and found what appeared to be a pubic hair in my alphabits. To my knowledge I didn't remember sticking my dick in the milk and/or the cereal box today.... Which made me come to one conclusion! I went back in time to the factory and stuck my dick in the cereal processing plant where they create it. I was in turmoil diary. Because there is no way one of the workers could have left a pube in the cereal! They have high standards for food plants these days. Diary I knew i was sick in the head but never realized that I could go back in time! So I studied movies like Back to The Future, Star Trek First Contact, Time Cop, Terminator, and Bill Nye The Science Guy! I needed to go back in time to warn the workers of that plant i was coming to stick my dick in the cereal..... BUT HOW!!! I had myself a chicken or the egg problem.

Diary I did what any sane man would do and make a time machine out of a bicycle! I proceeded to steal uranium from my terrorist neighbors house to use as the energy to create and convert the chronometric particles around the bicycle and started pedaling and all of a sudden boom! I was back in the past and coincidentally at the plant that made my favorite cereal.... sweet and it was night time. So i went into a window and started putting my dick on everything and then realized after I was done i had did what i wanted to prevent and found the time circle i created by accident was complete. Weird huh so I went back out to get my time bike and found it missing! "HOly Shit I said some n****r stole my bike! And is changing history!" I said. I then found a note where it was last parked. It read "Hey white man I just stole your bike I want to tell you i am sorry about this. I try not to live up to my stereotype but its tough man..... Anyway im gonna get some KFC and white Wimmins! Peace DOG! -Martin Luther King ". I then replied with a "OH SHIT!!!!! I AM THE REASON FOR BLACK PRIDE!!!! WAIT TILL I TELL THE NEGRO BACK AT THE OFFICE WHAT I DID FOR HIM AND HIS PEOPLE!". I guess im not racist diary i just like to make funny dark people jokes..... You know what sucks I think im the reason Obama made office............ NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! CURSE YOU SCIENCE FICTION BOOKS!!!! see ya diary im gonna hang myself now.....

The Stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Dear Diary,
I have been playing church league basketball and have to say I am having a blast. I never knew rubbing my nuts on another mans ass could be so fun while hes posting up on you. I am a great defender and thats why I block shots (as well as cocks). I cant say diary i am the greatest offensive player but when i get that ball i fire up a shot and miss it. I then proceed to show my man tits to the other players in hopes they will surrender the ball back to me. I gotta say alot of the dudes i play against might look good as females if i put fake tits on them and a wig and plowed them from behind after having some dos equis. I am a real fan of that beer diary and it has got me laid more times than any (mainly by pre-op or post-op trannys). Non the less i am feeling down in the dumps diary.... i was searching for hentai and found that rule 34 crap. Whats rule 34? If it exists, there is porn of it. So sadly enough I find an old nickelodeon show Ah Real Monsters and i am now so very cold. This rule several times has ruined the things once innocent to me (like Doug, Catdog, Kenan And Kel, Kablam, and much more). Well I am done for now diary I am gonna masturbait and see how bad my cum stains your pages. Toodles!

Dear Diary, Stardate 1213.09
I went to Wal-Mart today and hit on single mothers in their 60s mainly. I managed to get 4 phone numbers. One of them was missing teeth!!!! I am very excited to get head from Mandy as well. I found out one of them has aids and thats no good. I intend to wear 5 condoms when i fuck her 75 year old cunt. I often ask myself diary, why do i go after women so old? Well diary its because they cant get pregnant! If i dated a girl 18 to 35 i would have a fair chance of having to raise a kid with her. I mean sure you could use a coat hanger or kill the bitch if she refuses abortion, but whats the point. I like doing as little work as possible without the stress. Diary sometimes i wish i could fuck you... I mean you let me draw on you and talk in Spanish and you never need to take a bath and waste my water.

I recently had a wet-dream about eating burritos out of my friends vagina. She didnt think it was funny. In fact i now have a restraining order put on me because i guess i was sleep walking. So what, cant a man enjoy a burrito in his friends cunt. I went to jail for acouple days and got my ass rammed by some guy named Billy. Its safe to say im not gay because i came only two times. Once I got out of jail i decided to do a cross burning in my neighbors lawn. Little did I know he was an arab black!!! "A SANDN****R!" I gasped as i made a citizens arrest and the cross still burning. I then proceeded to use my abilities to throw him into jail and right now i am watching over this dark city with barely any darkies. BUT STILL DIARY!!!! Barely is still to many!!!!!!!!

The Stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

The Stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Hey everyone its Mike. I have been warned about the threat to America!!! Prostitution!? Okay wait what? Come on this is bullshit really...... Well lets say I have an entire guide on how to perfect the art of prostitution without getting caught. You are probably wondering where I obtain this information. Well let me tell you its a compilation of movies, personal experience, masturbation, Letting cops feel me up, and watching the black employees at kfc sneak a chicken wing in their mouth. So what does this make me???? AN EXPERT! I have more than 12 years of experience in this field which would make me a Dr. Of Pimpin! Im so black it hurts. Anyway in the next part i will explain the fundamentals of finding the perfect woman or man for a one night stand. Proper amounts of money to give them and the tip. Remember Prostitutes are not portable atms and if they happen to allow visa debit cards simply slide it down the hookers tits and your golden. Before we go on this is made for the desperate man who never gets love from his wife and all he wants to do is put it in her ass. Ready GO!

So stud i see ya made it this far may i see your package? WHOA! STOP RIGHT THERE. When a hooker wants to see your package show her the dead fetus you ordered off ebay that came from ups. In my experience this is how you tell if they are cops or not. If they run away they are obviously cops, but if they stay you both can fuck and use the dead fetus as a condom if you didnt bring any. I consider dead fetuses reusable condoms that will never break on you. OH WAIT! I almost forgot all hookers are equip with menus and have a wide selection of treats to look over. Also quick tip look for a dollar menu if there is none simply look for the cheapest dish available. I personally would recommend the fish fillet... problem is the fish is about 20 years old and smells terrible but hey ya get what ya pay for am i right! Alright once she is done taking the strap on dong out of your butt you realize you have fallen in love with this slut. You then should proceed to ask her for her hand in marriage. If she refuses use chloroform take her to your rat filled basement and marry her down there and let mr. Gimpy the gentlemanly rat marry the both of you. Also make sure she is tied up and awake during this process and be sure to video tape it and put this shit on youtube.

Easy huh? Well I skipped a step the problem is introductions. First impressions are everything to a hooker. So what you need to do is put some scented candles in your car and be sure to be playing romantic music like "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley (their downstairs will be wetter than a waterfall that smells of gay fish). Make sure you have tinted windows and wear a grin that says "im confident with fucking black-asian-mexican-white hookers with tons of STDS". BTW I recommend for the cheap asshole out there to get Trident layers and mold them around your cock if it reeks of salmon so the hooker will enjoy sucking your stick of disco, as it is called by the young whorish hipsters. ALSO! Something even more important to work on is your O face. Make sure you look as if you just came in your pants the whole time while putting it in her wet cave. And say OH YEAH OH YEAH like a women the whole time while fucking her. Because if you really want to marry this hooker you gotta show her you can change in 5 seconds and apparently prematurely cum in her creating babies yay!

Are you amazed at how much you have improved your understanding of this brilliant crime you lonely bastard. But im sure your asking "what if the hooker did a terrible job and used to much teeth!". Well thats when you ask for a refund or kill her. Now dont jump the gun and kill her alright! First ask politely for a refund and claim your dissatisfaction for the product between her salmon legs. If she declines ask to speak to her manager. If she has no manager or refuses go ape shit on her slut ass. say "what the fuck you hooker I dont always drink hooker blood but when i do i prefer it in dos equis". Bust out that chain saw and cut her into nice little pieces. Once this is complete call up the most interesting man in the world and drink some dos equis he will respond to tell you "stay thirsty mai boi!". After you and Bill Clinton enjoy some Dos Equis vampire hooker edition you will then proceed to a gay bar after realizing you are through with women.

I think i may have blew your mind with no teeth just now. How you might ask did i figure out the perfect formula to paying hookers, avoiding cops, killing hookers, and winning the battle for mankind against machines... EASY I watched American Psycho, visa rewards commercials, Two and a Half Men, Fight Club, Borat, And Billy Mays infomercials. Lets just say if you take this free advice from a man with street smartz you may learn a thing or two dawg. I am the Snoop Dogg of white men. Nizzles everywhere are trying to bring me down by paying more taxes but wont let them touch my mother fuckin 401k biatch. See im in the same leauge as snoopy i tells ya. So remember fellas its about trying to save money on these women okay! And have a happy ending and a wife you can bring home to your parents with a ball gag and ass chaps on. I thank my readers for their viewership because it allows me inspiration to continue to give great advice and make life terrible for others. And I want to thank our sponsors that dont pay us jack shit because they are jews. Heres a quick word from all our sponsors! Sprint The Now Network... because Right Now were working on milking you for all your money like a hairy jew man. Trident Layers the longest lasting gum (0.523 seconds to an android thats almost an eternity). "Hello im a Mac" and im a pc. "hey pc guess what!" what??? "I have no viruses and i cost an arm and a leg to purchase." So tell your users to stop going to malicious porn sites with their grandma on them. "Will do mr. jew pc". Tired of your N*gger not doing the proper amount of work he should be doing? Then get the battery every slave owner trusts to power the cotton field Duracell TRUSTED EVERYWHERE SLAVE OWNERS STILL EXIST. UHH okay we have the greatest sponsors in the world spreading their message of bigotry and hatred. I want to conclude its about the quality of hookers you find. Its the quantity of hookers you can keep in your basement for an extended period of time. Thanks and to all the men still reading this "beat dat pussy up!".

The Stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

The Stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Hey folks im a bit down in the dumps lately.... sigh! My job was recently stolen by a short brown creature known as the mexican. Its a shame really because i am a mexican as well, but only a quarter mexican. This means that because i am a German Spic I am not accepted anywhere. I will give an example, I was at my job answering phones for customer service and suddenly BOOM! An army of mexicans came in waged a battle with sword and shield for our jobs. We tried holding them off but since mexicans are part human and rabbit this means they breed in litters. How do we send them back over the border your probably wondering. Well I have a plan my friends and if we execute it right we can live without the poop stain on our fair country.

I wrote this exclusively in English to make sure Beaners couldnt pass on my valuable information. I have been an advocate of keeping this melting pot less polluted kinda like how Hitler would have wanted it. So the plan will be to restrict the taco bell franchises to Texas only. Then once we have them right where we want em! We capture them in a big net and throw that dirty laundry in the neighbors lawn. Once these stained clothes are back in Mexico we can then rebuild our white population. Now I believe we should discriminate against all Mexicans even if they were born here. Now the gay supporting obama Americans believe this is wrong! But i believe we must embrace a more.... you know.... pure race. Like the smirfs, Vulcans, Ewoks, Michael Jackson and Australians.

I found out that this idea probably wouldn't work well in America so i think we should make the best of these resources. It would be like turning your shit into food again (shits been good lately man). So I am gonna give out the 5 Ws. Will, Work, Wishing, Washing and Whoopy. Alright let me explain these important Ws. First you need the Will to gather up as many Mexicans as possible and give them shock collars. Now comes the Working park just get whips and chains and pay them in yen i think... Then comes wishing, if you shout at Jesus like you shout at Armando for not beating his record cleaning time you will receive the wish of your dreams. Because Jesus only responds to the loudest bidder. It can get kinda stinky if they are living in your attic or basement so make sure your pets Wash out in the front lawn with the hose. If your neighbors ask questions simply say your mother was a slut and had sex with a ton of mexicans and these are your half brothers. Next comes Whoopy hehehehe. Keep the female Mexicans in your bedroom and make sweet love to them. See Mexicans i guess aren't all bad. In fact I think Mexicans are the latest improvement in modern technology and can be used to properly build the American Empire I have dreamed of!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Now what? Well i have gone over 2 scenarios that will not only make me money.... BUT YOU CAN MAKE MONEY TO! So Heres what we gotta do folks! Call your senators and legalize throwing them over the border where they belong and it will be like the old days where we could beat our wifes and keep blacks in their place. Ah one can dream cant he. But please guys this cant go on, Mexicans are leeches and if this keeps up how will Santa know the bad mexican kids to the good American White Childrens. I CAN NOT STAND FOR THIS INJUSTICE!!!! America its your responsibility to change our morals. To conclude this article I would like to point out that every minute a Beaner lives in the USA a child is sodomized by a creepy white guy named Barack Obama. America please think of the poor small children and feel guilty. VERY GUILTY!

The Stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

The Stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Hello children its you old pal Mike. I just need to tell ya all about a growing threat to society.......... PEDROPHILES!!!! wait...... spelled it wrong... oh... pedophiles. These guys are growing in numbers because of a friendly system called the internet. Whats the internet you asked. Well its simple Jimmy the internet is a series of tubes that allow porn to happen on your computer screen, or to buy used blowup dolls. This internet young Jimmy is being harvested by an underground creature who rarely comes out of the home and prays on childrens during the night. Have I scared you yet? If yes keep reading, if not go outside spread eagle in your lawn then let the fear commence unless your one of those fucked up kids that likes that sort of stuff... Either way this story is not for the little Jimmys who are asking to be raped... NO! Its for the cute underground pedophile creatures that need proper guidance on not getting caught by famous pedo hunters like parents, teachers, Chris Hansen, Oprah, your dog, and me. But sometimes the people who we think are trying to catch these interesting people are really trying to get rid of all the pedophiles so they can have the children to themselves. Call me paranoid but have you seen the way uncle Jerry stares at you when he reports the pedo man across the street... Well Timmy lets just say thats called pedo jealousy. You are such a home wrecker aren't ya Timmy. I would explain to you pedo marriage but their rituals are a bit graphic for your young ears to handle.

Okay lets get to the juicy part of this alright I watch to catch a predator alot! And i am ashamed of you guys. I love the underdogs all the time which means i lose alot of money in sports gambling but i don't lose hope or my wife (to a black guy... sniff its been tough). Most of you go in with your heads held high thinking you caught another pokemon (oh yeah pokemons = childrens. New rule obey it). But little do you know this pokemon is way to powerful for your six pack of pokecans of bud light and your pokelatexcondems. Because the holder of these pokemon is Chris Hansen. Who is undefeated at this clever game. Most of the men leave with their tails tucked between their legs and get carried off by the pokemon authorities because they were having coronal relations with Mr. Hansens Pokemans. See Timmy one day you might be like your Uncle Chris who knows that once he annihilates all the pedophiles he can finally have you in his multi-million dollar basement.

Now is the part where i give you creatures some tips! For you roleplayers out there think of this as gaining experience for your intelligence and speed. The knowledge you receive will make you a level 50 Pedobear equipped with plasma rifles and the uss enterprise where Scotty can beam you out when things get hairy. STEP 1!!!!!!!! Go on the internet and ask the said female or male childrens if they are CHRIS HANSEN! If they say no they are telling the truth because children never lie and neither does Chris Hansen. STEP 2!!!!!!!!!! Once we have established no Hansen then we begin to the romantic side of things. Say things like, "hello have you seen the new Twilight movie Edward is smoking hot". OR "What time do your parents go to work" OR!!!!! "HELLO IM A 40 YEAR OLD JEW MAN! I AM IN NEED OF YOUR SERVICES!! I WILL BRING OVER LUBE AND MY ROOMMATE. IF I HAVE TO PAY A DIME ON YOUR SERVICES I WILL DUMP YOUR ASS FASTER THAN UPS CAN SHIP (WHICH MAY TAKE UP TO 7 BUSINESS DAYS!). PLEASE RESPOND AND THEN ILL SHOW YOU SOME NUDES KKK.". See that wasn't so hard now was it (no pun intended.). Now that step 2 is outta the way we move on to STTTEEEEEPPPPP 3ve. Alright so you sweet talking the childrens Timmy what do you do next? Timmy of course replies with a "you write down their information and call the police on them for soliciting pedophilia". OH Timmy im sorry thats the wrong answer i know you miss your parents but im gonna have to put you back in the basement with Mr. Ted the angry Asian business man to have another cream filled pop sickle does that sound fun? "Yay i love trident layers and product placement!". That a boy Timmy! But yes Timmy was horribly wrong guys STEP 3!!!! you must write down info and find the address in which this youngin lives then dress up like a nice gent with a trench coat, a star fleet standard phaser and best of all cum stained slacks. Now your ready and if they live in a big city in some rich neighborhood dont worry its not a trap silly!

Okay now we concluded perfecting the art of finding kids on the internet but there is a more simpler and cost effective solution for all you frugal kid shoppers. Now Christmas is coming up real soon (unlike jew Christmas which is now i think) and your buddy Steve wants a present that will last him a lifetime and his wife left him because he was to much of a queer for her. Put two and two together baby and you got a local child. Okay so you guys gotta remember LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION! I will give you several locations. Day Care, Houses, Neighborhood, Supermarket, Walmart (steal 1 get single mother free), local schools, stolen babies by darkies. The list goes on and on but sometimes it takes a bit of innovation! So you found a location now comes the easy part. Go to walmart and purchase skittles, rock'em sock'em robots, twilight, pictures of their parent tied to a chair and kids bop 8 gold collectors edition. Okay nice they are in your windowless van SWEET! NOW WHAT! Remember all those hours playing grand theft auto didnt go to waste. Drive off into the sunset and have a happy ending....

Hey folks Timmy's back! And he has a message for you "remember guys there is nothing sweeter than my snatch!"..... Wait your reading from the wrong script Timmy that is the captured female script, I TOLD TOM TO MAKE MORE COPIES! GEORGE IS UPSET!!! "Its okay i will learn improvisation which Mr. Roboto told me downstairs is great for making the pop sickle melt in my mouth much faster". Good god Timmy you just made an old man proud *sniff*. Go for it Timmy give out your message to these kind hearted folks of injustice. "I want you all to know that although i was separated from my parents at 12:30 PM in the local walmart and am currently located at the address of 6969 N****rtits ave.. You all have a responsibility to us kids to continue your journey into places forbidden. Angry Asian guy let out his heart and soul to me as he claimed his wife left him for a black man. Which brings me to my next point. Mr. Dark Obama people stick to your own race. Yours truly Timmy.". Oh my god Raymundo this little fucker just gave out our address quickly man get in the van! Oh and before we run remember to bring the childrens back to the parents because its not stealing if you give them back its just borrowing. THE END.... IS ONLY THE BEGINNING LOLS!

The Stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Updated 2009-04-18 01:42:14

I would like some beta testers on the site if anyone would like to try it and register and comment i would be happy to have feedback or any suggestions on anything whether its the site not being user friendly or simply something that should be an addon. The website is below please try it out and give me some feed back. Thanks. Also the profile system is almost up so be prepared to have your own personal userpage on the site here really soon. And please submit your content we need more content thanks..