The Constitution Is Very Important

Thank you for your interest in the Washington Post's Young Pundit Essay Contest. As the leading newspaper in our nation's capital, we are always looking for budding journalistic talent to bring a fresh point of view our editorial pages, as well as our online site and sister publications like Newsweek and Slate. While competition for this prestigious prize is expected to be fierce, we will give each entry personal attention. Please provide background information about yourself, followed by your essay. This year's theme is "What the Constitution Means to Me." Please write or type legibly.

Please explain, in your own words, "What the Constitution Means to Me." Use footnotes where necessary, specifying relevant sources. Your essay should be 500 to 1000 words, not including footnotes.

The Constitution is very important. It is very important because the Constitution is an important part of the American government, which is as we all know very important also. It can be juxtaposed with other important books and journalism writings which can be found in various history studies.

According to Wikipedia1, the Constitution was discovered over 100 years ago, but is still going strong today. It was discovered by the "Founding Fathers" such as George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, Benjamin Franklin, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, and so forth. Although we often call them the "Founding Fathers" there were many women who were also important in this process who have been far too overlooked. Although these people are now mostly passed away, we still remember them for their importance.

It is important to remember that there are three main parts to the Constitution. First there is the first part. Then comes the middle part of the Constitution. Finally, there is the last part. In the first part of the Constitution we are introduced to the colorful characters, who can often be juxtaposed. This first part helps to, i.e., set up the "tone" for the rest of the Constitution.

The next part of the Constitution, the middle, is considered by many people to be the main most important part. However, there are other people who disagree with this interpretation, which has led to controversy and conflict. I have to say that I personally side with the people who think it is the most important, because the middle is where the main crux of the Constitution happens. For example, e.g., the middle is the part where we find the Woman's Right to Choose and the Miranda part, which is a critical issue still today2. In the middle you will also various parts about African-Americans, and especially journalism.

Finally there is the last part of the Constitution, which, as many people have noted, can be juxtaposed with the earlier parts. For people who haven't read the Constitution, I recommend reading it all the way too the end to see how it is juxtaposed in a very important way. I don't want to give out any "spoilers," because it's really amazing.

Because the Constitution is so old, it is written in the "old-timey" language of people of more than one century ago, which leads many modern people to get confused and frustrated by it. "What is this stupid boring thing?" they will ask, then go back to playing Super Mario Cart. These modern people could not be any more wrong, because hidden underneath all the "so-called" confusing words is an exciting story with twists and turns everywhere. Fortunately, and most importantly, the Founding Fathers also invented the Supreme Court which does a good job of translating the Constitution into modern words and juxtaposing them for all of us, the American people of the United States.

And this is, in at least five hundred words, not including the foot notes, what the Constitution means to me.

PoliPundit"nobody – and I mean nobody, in the confines of Al Gore’s greatest invention, the Internet, can slice, dice and julienne a huge chunk of pure snark into so many little jagged pieces like he can"

Charles Murray, The American Enterprise Institute"Out of nowhere—at least I’d never heard of him—comes a posting by one David Burge on his blog, Iowahawk, in which he tore Krugman’s numbers apart. I don’t mean he found some soft spots. I’m talking evisceration. The post has been flying around cyberspace and has a attracted a lot of flak to which Burge has now responded. I recommend both posts as tours de force on two levels. First, they are saturated with the best kind of Internet irreverence and humor—sophomoric occasionally, lmao funny more often. Second, the guy is a hell of an applied statistician. It’s wonderful: Paul Krugman’s got his mile-high New York Times platform, Burge has an obscure blog. And yet, in the world of the Internet, he can take Krugman down and end up letting a whole lot of people know he’s done it."

Hugh Hewitt"For a lesson on how to argue a complex case in the face of MSM stupidity and/or bias --answer with facts, repittion and careful writing laced with laughs-- read the tutorial prepared by Iowahawk... This is how it is done. Airlift Iowahawk to the Speaker's office."

The Lunatic's Asylum"IowaHawk is God. If you're STILL not reading IowaHawk regularly, then you, Sir or Madame, are a dipshit. One that should be taken out and sterilized with the rustiest of farm implements, so that you may not pollute the gene pool with future generations of little dipshits."

Bookworm Room"Every time I read one of Iowahawk’s satires, I think to myself, 'This is it. He cannot get better than this.' And every time I am wrong, as Iowahawk, over and over, publishes something new that is even funnier than his last outing... In a perfect world, Iowahawk would be one of the most recognized comic satirists in America."

Fausta Wertz"the dance floor started to open and exposed a vast deep pool filled with man-eating sharks. The crowd panicked as a couple fell into the waters and the sharks feasted on them. Without missing a step or loosening his embrace, he led me to the entrance and with a swift move managed to both hit the switch that closed the shark pit and concluded the final dance step. He then said, 'It’s late. I must go tend to my blog.'"

Dan Collins, Protein Wisdom"He is Iowahawk of Typepad
Master of the sparkling send-up
When he posts, then douchebags tremble
Realizing they’ve been skewered
And with no recourse to match him:
Mighty Burge, the Iowahawk”

Amused Cynic"perhaps the best-written, cleverest “F*** You” salute that I have ever seen administered ... I am hereby delivering a James Thurber salute to you, Dave, and popping the top on a 16 oz. can of PBR in your direction"

Daniel Ruwe, Right Minds"The funniest person on the Internet. Every one of his posts makes me laugh out loud. Literally incredibly funny. You have to experience him to appreciate him"

Elizabeth Crum"For an idea of what I find brilliant and loveable in terms of sarcasm, satire and the like, see Iowahawk. He is one of our great modern-day scribes: smart, scathing, derisive, outrageous, and funny like few can be"

Jesse Macbeth"I'd like to take the time to address some of the stuff that I read on the Internet written about me... I got to tell you some of the stuff I saw was really funny. One of my favorites ones was actually the Power Rangers one, that was kind of cool."

Jools Krittindan"Then there’s Iowahawk. I don’t even know what he does for a living, something in Iowa, I guess. Yeah, society would function fine without him. It would just suck more. He gets an estate all his own: Iowahawk, the Sixth Estate."

Cherry River Blog"Yes, this is a crude attempt to gain entrance to IH's hallowed blogroll, and maybe even a blurb-out listing, but I still stand in awe of the capaciousness of mind that Mr. Burge has demonstrated to a barely worthy Web world"

Jules Crittenden"I have received no remuneration or consideration of any kind for this shameless fawning boosterism and free advertising. Nor do I require any. To have been in some small way associated with the global Iowahawk phenomenon is more than most of us can aspire to in our miserable, inconsequential little lives. To bask in its electronic glow is to sense the existence of immortality."

Hot Flashes"The man I’d most likely invite to my bedroom in another life"

Jim Henshaw"Neo-cons may not be as humorless as I thought, as this essay from Conservative blogger Iowahawk will attest. Even if you hate his politics, this is funny stuff"

Dave Bender, Israel at Level Ground (Israel)"Iowahawk is in the side of the wrong business, not to mention residing on the wrong landmass; he needs to get over here quick and start pumping out copy for the major news agencies"

Jules Crittendon, Boston Herald"Iowahawk’s wild, unkempt observations may look like they’ve spent the last three days sleeping under a bridge, and be frightening and smelly up close, but they are conduits of fundamental, irrefutable truth. Much like the drunk who accosts you on a streetcorner and unabashedly proclaims, 'I need money for a bottle of Cossack.'"

Twisted Spinster"Iowahawk sticks the knife in so nicely that you don’t even feel it until everything starts to go dark and fuzzy"

Bill Whittle, National Review"My friend Iowahawk writes some of the most brilliant satire I have ever read. He likes to come across as a beer-swilling gearhead — because he is — but look at this ... simply so that I may bask in its reflected glory"

Rush Limbaugh"I've gotta share with you one of the funniest things I have ever read. It is by the blogger Iowahawk. It is one of the sharpest, most cutting, brilliant satires on these pseudo-intellectual conservatives... I've heard of Iowahawk. I don't know what his leanings are, probably lib, I don't know, doesn't matter. This whole thing is just wonderful, it is just hilarious."

Quid Nimis"I think the reason I don't do Iowa Hawk everyday is the same reason I don't eat ice cream everyday: it's too good. That and the fact that I would have to leave my husband and stalk Dave Burge"

Tim Blair, Sydney Telegraph (Australia)"As Sandy Roberts says: 'When you think of Bhutan, you think of archery.' And when you think of Vettes, Ferraris and Hemi-powered rods, you think of Iowahawk and his LA-bound nitroclan"

Joseph Bottum, First Things"I’m on the board of a literary magazine at a small state university, and, at the board’s meeting this spring, the editor mentioned that he had wanted to reprint the blogger Iowahawk’s hilarious swipe at the archbishop of Canterbury... Unfortunately, the editor said, the magazine couldn’t do reprint it. The legal adviser from the university’s administration had said no—not on the grounds that it was offensive to Anglicans and their archbishop, but on the grounds that it mentioned Islam, and the school could receive bomb threats as a result of publishing it."

Lone Star Times"Between cleaning carburetors and restoring classic American cars, Burge churns out some of the funniest and decisively deadly wit and commentary on the web... Write the Pulitzer Committee and demand Iowahawk should win"

Roger Kimball, Pajamas Media"inspired … I was going to say 'parody,' but really it is far too close to the original to be called a parody. Really, it is like the play Hamlet stages to 'catch the conscience of the King,' a dramatic re-enactment of the very crime Claudius had committed but had yet to acknowledge. It worked for Hamlet; will Iowahawk’s performance work for the rest of us? It is too early to tell. But ... it is more truthful, and far more amusing, than anything you’ll read in the [New York] Times."

Paul Kedrosky, Infectious Greed"I really don't know how best to summarize IowaHawk's you-are-there white-trash treatise... If you crossed Hunter Thompson and Michael Lewis, you might get something this angry and bizarre"

The McMuffins (UK)"Iowahawk and his lovely wife... did not appear to be the psychopathic stalking killers we had been warned about, although that Iowahawk did have a murderous look in his eyes and an unusual amount of froth coming from his mouth"

Blacklake (Hot Air Comments)"I’d say Iowahawk was a genius, but geniuses aren’t generally very clever. Plus, studies have shown that nine out of ten have no idea how to clean a carb. So, statistically speaking, his geniushood is unlikely."

Rand Simberg (Transterrestrial Musings)"Next time Iowahawk beats up on you, just take it. If you try to fight back, it only gets worse. It's like one of those monsters that, the harder you fight it, the stronger it gets, because it actually feeds on your pathetic swats."

Blog Québécois"If Iowahawk ever decides to turn his guns on you, accept your beating with good grace and a rueful chuckle. If you try to fight back, it only gets funnier."

Roger Kimball (The New Criterion)"The excellent weblog IowaHawk summarized some of the thoughts I had... I must also laud David Burge of IowaHawk for his gritty pragmatism. He is no armchair crusader, full of empty imprecations."

Bill Whittle"I've met him, you know -- Iowahawk. 6'7" he is, arms like mighty oak trees, legs like even mightier oak trees: clear grey eyes looking to the far horizon, his lantern jaw set against the approaching storm but yet with a slight hint of a distant smile bourne of many combats won and mortal enemies vanquished.
I stood speechless in his presence at a restaurant in Marina del Rey --- just speechless, weeping silently at the sheer magnetism and force of personality coming off the man in seismic waves; a transcendental, religious experience that kept me awake for a week, as if I had seen the heavens split open in a blaze of orange and purple glory, and all of God's Great Plan revealed.
And when he finally did speak, it was the sound of distant thunder echoing off ancient mountains, a sound that predates mankind's puny schreeching -- a sound that, indeed, is antecedent to the founding of Life on Earth and comes carried through the ether on the shock wave of ancient dying stars. And though he only spoke twelve words during the four hours I stood in his presence, those words are with me still, a perfect dozen seared into my memory, written in gold across the great hall of my mind.
He said, 'HEY, CAN YOU GET THIS ONE? I LEFT MY WALLET AT HOME.'"

Spongeworthy"But no shit, Iowahawk might get up tomorrow, get baked, grab his beautiful wife and ride his moped backwards to a Hells Angel rally, then drink himself into oblivion and fight about 7 crank dealers from the Racine chapter of the Death Jokers all by himself.
Then maybe he'd go home, romance the beautiful wife, build a perfect retro treehouse for his perfect kids, drink a bottle of tequila, prepare a 3-course meal while beating away a push-in home invader and sacrificing him on a makeshift, though historically accurate, Inca altar he built in the woods behind the railroad tracks.
Then he'd sit down and knock out a tremedously insulting Leftist parody that pissed off thread after thread of Kos and DU lunatics, romance the bride once again and fall asleep chuckling.
It's like he's Paul Bunyan and Mark Twain rolled up into one hipster"