Hot Facist Fashions | The Tiananmen Umbrella-Men

Pretty!

On June 4, 1989, in Tiananmen Square,
Beijing, China, nothing happened. Nothing at all. The happy citizens
of China went about their business, loyal to the government and
revelling in the greatness of their nation. Nobody was in Tiananmen
square at all, because the entire population of China was out in the
green fields rolling around amidst the grasses and wildflowers,
sunning their bellies and playing tickling games with one another.

Unfortunately, China is not alone in
the world. There are evil capitalist nations such as America and the
UK which insist on spreading filthy lies about poor innocent China.
According to these capitalist countries, Tiananmen Square was the
site of the brutal massacre of thousands of young Chinese students
who had gathered there to mourn the passing of pro-democracy official
Hu Yaobang. Allegedly, many thousands of students and filthy
intellectuals blocked the great square, forcing the Chinese
government's hand. Allegedly. There's only one thing to do with
people intent on book learning and democracy, and that's mow them
down with tanks. Allegedly.

Please open an umbrella in front of your face as you scroll down the page, nothing to see here...

Now, twenty years after the date where
absolutely nothing happened, foreign journalists insist on showing up
to Tiananmen square to try and film it. Clearly this is unacceptable
to the Chinese government. Journalists filming nothing much happening
at a place where nothing much has ever happened is a threat to
national security and an insult to all that is good and right in the
world. Do they not realize that all free speech and wild ideas should
be confined strictly to free speech zones?

Free speech is a dangerous animal that
needs to be caged and kept away from innocent civilians. Fortunately for those sneaky foreign
journos, the Chinese are now eschewing tanks for far more effective
weapons – Umbrellas.

See how they artfully block the cameras
of the media, preventing them from filming what is most definitely
not happening.

If you've been inspired by this video,
why not start carrying an umbrella with you at all times? Think of
all the good you could do for your government if you were a good
citizen prepared to censor the media with 26 inches of thin nylon.
Think of all the lives you could save.

If only the Chinese had been aware of
the power of the umbrella twenty years ago, perhaps what didn't
happen in Tiananmen square could have been avoided. That is to say,
what didn't happen, wouldn't couldn't have not happened. You see what
I mean?