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Leonardo DiCaprio has starred in some of the biggest and most critically acclaimed movies of the past few years. However, the heartthrob actor has decided to take a break from films and it looks like he is already reaping the benefits of his hiatus. The 38-year-old was the centre of attention as he relaxed besides a swimming pool with his friends in Miami, Florida, on Tuesday.

Sweet shorts bro. Did your mom pick those up for you at American Eagle? And what’s with all the chicks. Are those your girlfriends or something? You going to kiss them on the mouth and have sex with them? Fucking gay Leo. Totally gay.

In case you missed it. I mean it was no big deal really just one of the league’s best defenseman risking life, limb and face to save a goal which ended up making the difference in a 3-2 game. Ho hum.

PS – Searched around and found the St Louis guys’ call of the game. Didn’t even mention the face save. Just sucked Andy McDonald’s dick for 40 seconds and moved on to the ensuing face-off. Just preposterous coverage not to mention that.

Source - Last week, a 64-year-old man in England was drunk, spotted a snowman on the street – and decided to have sex with it. By the time he was done, the snowman was destroyed and he had frostbite on his junk. The hospital says it may have to be amputated but, so far he is “still in one piece.”

Fucked up as this guy may be you gotta love his attention to detail. I figure if you bang a snowman you’re most likely going in from the back since sex standing up facing each other is impossible. Nope this guy wants missionary so he’s tearing it down and rebuilding it horizontal and doing missionary. Would have loved a passer-by to ask him what he was up to there. Well I’m gonna fuck the shit out of this thing and I just really prefer to be on top so I’m lyin’ er down.” Hey do your thing man. You rape that snowman anyway you want. Maybe wear a condom next time though because there’s a good chance your dick is gonna fall off if you fuck a mountain of freezing cold powder.

Introducing Liz, our mystery Blackhawks girl from last night. Good work Stoolies. Thank you for finding this smokeshow and getting her her proper due. Girls like Liz should never go unnoticed. Oh and if you’re ever in the River North area Liz bartends at Stout, don’t be shy, who am I kidding of course you’ll be shy because she’s incredibly hot, just try not to be too shy.

Smokeshows don’t grow on trees. Do your part. Nominate at Chicagotips@barstoolsports.com with a hot girl and include a link to her Facebook page.

Huntsville, Alabama (Source) – Phillip Sawdey, a 30-year-old Huntsville man was jailed Sunday after he allegedly tried to rob a local coffee shop, but accepted a free cup of coffee instead. According to the Madison County Sheriff’s Office, Sawdey entered a Huntsville area Starbucks at around 7:30 a.m., approached the cashier and demanded money from the register cash drawer. Investigators say the employee told Sawdey that he could not get the drawer open, and offered him a free coffee instead. Sawdey accepted the coffee, then left the scene. He was apprehended in the parking lot. Sawdey was booked into the Madison County Metro Jail and charged with robbery.

Phil, are you fucking serious? How quickly did you give up on you robbery attempt? Jesus man. Have some self respect. A spine. You walk into a Starbucks and go from robbing thousands of dollars to a cup of burnt coffee that probably has the wrong name on it in 2 seconds? Where’s the hustle? Where’s the panache? I mean do you even realize you are the scariest looking person in the world? You look like you eat zombies. Which makes no sense because zombies eat humans, but that’s how terrified I am of you, you’re a zombie eating man. Your face is a weapon. And all you got was a venti blonde roast and a marshmallow dream bar. For shame Phil, for shame.

PS
Ever notice how Starbucks isn’t just snobby with their drink sizes being in Italian, they’ve done it with all their food now too? Rice Krispie Treat, oh no that’s a Marshmallow Dream Bar. Blueberry Muffin, you mean an 8 grain berry roll. Banana, oh no that’s yellow tube fruit. Don’t spell it D-O-N-U-T because in Starbucks its a DOUGHNUT. Seriously, just take a step back and think about the fact that someone consciously wanted to call it a Marshmallow DREAM Bar. Someone is such a snob they wanted to put the word DREAM in a piece of cereal glued together with butter. That guy exists. Unreal.

Source - One of the biggest draft busts in NFL history is trying to re-kindle his football career. Yahoo! Sports has learned that JaMarcus Russell is planning a comeback attempt that he hopes will see him play in the league again. The former No. 1 pick in the 2007 NFL draft has not played a single NFL snap since the 2009 season with the Oakland Raiders. The reclamation of Russell will follow a tricky road for a quarterback who was always known more for his physical blessings than technique. Russell, 27, who has effectively been out of football since tryouts with the Washington Redskins and Miami Dolphins in 2010, might find overcoming himself his biggest challenge. Currently at 308 pounds, Russell is down from the 320 pounds he weighed this past fall and has been focusing on cardio conditioning the past six weeks to lose the weight.

“My first year out, I couldn’t watch football but after a while, I couldn’t keep the TV off. I got that itchy feeling but now I gotta watch it, gotta watch,” Russell said. “The last few years, the things going through my life, football is my job and it is how it feeds my family. People would say [that] I didn’t love the game but that pisses me off. People don’t know the real you but I want people to know the real me and see what I can do. People are always saying that I’m a bust. I want show them I’m not. I’m committed to this now.”

308 pounds! JaMarcus you fat fuck! What happened bro!

Pretty amazing that this dude was drafted in 2007 and is still only 27 years old. Feels like he’s ancient news at this point. I was actually a little bit surprised he was alive. Had to do a quick Wiki search just to confirm it. Definitely not a good sign for your comeback when people hear your name and instantly think a) Oh yeah the guy whose addicted to codeine and b) He died right?

Anyway I guess my only question is Is he cool with playing left tackle? Because there’s no fucking way JaMarcus Russell is playing quarterback in the NFL again. No chance. I mean he knows that right? He knows no team is going to shoot itself in the foot and fuck themselves by having this dude come in and line up under center. That would be absolutely preposterous. Within a couple weeks Tim Tebow won’t even be able to find work and he won a playoff game last year and is also not the size of Willie Roaf. So I can’t imagine that’s Russell’s plan. Which pretty much only leaves the O-Line. Well welcome to Chicago bro we could use the help. Got a solid offense just need some fat bulk up front with a little footwork that’s all. Pretty much a guarantee you’ll be better than J’Marcus Webb at this point so if you want it, the job’s yours. Plus there’s some insane eats around the city so you’ll feel right at home. Just gotta work on inventing a new size Barstool Chicago shirt to fit you and we’ll be good to roll.

Gawker - Let’s set the scene: It’s Monday, January 21, and an unnamed North Fort Myers resident is lying in bed relaxing after a hard day’s work. Just after 7 p.m., he hears a noise coming from his roof — he thinks it sounds like thunder. He goes outside to investigate the disturbance, when he sees 21-year-old Gregory Matthew Bruni running on his house. Bruni leaps from the roof, tackling the man. Bruni is naked.

From there, Bruni runs into the house, hellbent on destruction. He sees a “large television” minding its own business and knocks it off its stand. He then spies a vacuum cleaner. How do you terrorize a vacuum cleaner? You don’t — you just empty its contents back onto the floor. That’s what Bruni does. From there, things finally start to get weird:

Bruni then headed toward the couple’s son’s bedroom, where several guns were stored, so the man’s wife fired three warning shots from a .38 revolver. The arrest report says Bruni fell to the floor – but then began pleasuring himself. He got up off the floor, ran into the son’s bedroom and began rubbing clothing on his face.

Definitely feel for the homeowner here. Nothing worse than trying to relax after a hard day’s work and getting interrupted with more chores and responsibility. All you wanna do is sit down in front of the TV, unbutton your pants, scratch your balls some and zone out and re-claim your sanity. Then boom, there’s the wife nagging you to take out the garbage. Your son whines begging you to fix his computer. A naked hallucinating lunatic jumps off your roof and spears you in the ribs, smashes your flat screen, empties the vacuum cleaner everywhere and jacks off all over your son’s carpet. Great now you have to clean that up. Oh and don’t forget the dog needs to go for a walk and the garage door isn’t closing right again. Seriously it never ends. It’s like Newman with the mail. A modern man just can’t catch a fucking break these days.

PS – Real blown chance for the wife to play hero and shoot the guy who was masturbating in her son’s room in the face. I mean I’m all in favor for death as a last resort but there’s times when justice can wait. Like when a drug addict madman is trying to bust a nut in your kid’s room for example.

Source - A three-year-old girl appears to be fine after her mother says she consumed and passed pieces of glass from a Subway sandwich last week. However, the woman is frustrated and angry about the company’s response to the incident. “They’re just not contacting us,” said Laura Clark, whose daughter, Aubrey, suffered cuts to the roof of her mouth, her cheek and tongue when she ate about half of a six-inch turkey sub Thursday morning at a Peterborough, Ont., Subway. “There’s nothing being done,” by Subway’s head office, Clark said. “They’ve given us nothing but the runaround and pretty much downplayed everything that’s happened.”

Clark said she and the doctor found seven pieces of glass in the remaining portion of the sandwich, ranging up to about half the size of Clark’s pinkie fingernail.

Will people just get off Subway’s dick already? Jesus christ you maniacs are all out of your mind. Bunch of babies crying because their footlong sub was 11 inches and Subway’s bogus apology which was just PR 101 and now this woman complaining that her daughter ate a 6-inch turkey on wheat with lettuce, tomato and handfuls of glass the size of a fingernail. It’s preposterous.

Look babe, if you’re feeding a 3 year old daughter Subway you’re a terrible mother. Like Casey Anthony level awful. Subway is for adults who forgot their lunch or are in a hurry. I didn’t even know kids that age could eat sandwiches yet. Pretty sure it’s just titty milk and apricot Gerber’s until you’re like 7 years old. So there’s your first mistake. Second, Subway sells a lot of sandwiches. Like millions a day. Every now and again there’s going to be a bad apple. Maybe the lettuce is old. Maybe the roast beef has that weird green substance on it (What the fuck is that?). Maybe there’s a broken window in your turkey sub and your entire mouth is covered in shards of glass and bleeding. Who cares. It happens. Just march back in the store, get some free white chocolate chip cookies and be done with it. Enough of this complaining to corporate offices and CEO’s like they give a shit. They don’t and they shouldn’t. If you can’t make your kid their own glass-free lunch you’re a shitty parent and probably poor.

Source - A towering high school basketball star dominating the court in the nation’s capital has much more than a height advantage, a startling new report has revealed. Junior Etou, who is originally from the Congo, is the talk of the town in Washington, DC, where he plays power forward for the Bishop O’Connell High School Knights. But the 6’7″ high school senior, who has drawn interest from several colleges with storied basketball programs, is almost legally allowed to drink. An investigation by Deadspin.com found several different birthdays listed for Etou, both in 1992, which means he is just months away from his 21st birthday. The site reported that Etou, whose full name is Luc Tselan Tsiene Etou, has appeared on rosters for three Congo-based teams, which list his birthday as being either June 4, 1992 or April 6, 1992.

But as far as Bishop O’Connell is concerned, Etou has every right to be on their court. Katy Prebble, the school’s president, told Deadspin: ‘The school has the documentation, including his passport, verifying the age of Junior Etou to be 18.’

I love stories like this. Kid basically walks out of a cornfield and appears out of nowhere from the Congo, people find out he’s ridiculous at basketball, and even though there’s like 30 different documents showing different birthday’s for him the school chooses the youngest one so he can pulverize kids 6 years younger than he is. Just awesome. And totally justified by the school by the way. I mean if we’re being totally honest this dude could be anywhere from 15-40 years old. You could drop any age in that range and I wouldn’t flinch. If one of his phony documents say he’s 18 and I need a power forward to grab some boards and play aggressive D then he’s 18. If the freshman team is struggling and need a scoring push off the bench we’ll dig up the birth certificate that says he was born in ’98. Calculus teacher called out sick today? No problem we have legal documentation here that shows Junior Etou is a 35 year old college graduate with a Master’s degree in Mathematics. Just a jack of all trades at your disposal at all times. Every school should be so lucky.

Chicagoist - Groupon has decided to drop all existing and planned gun-related deals from their site, including discounts for shooting ranges and concealed carry classes. Groupon did not say the change is permanent, just that the “category is under review following recent customer and merchant feedback.” Julie Mossler, a representative for Groupon, told CNN that the company “has been testing firearm-related deals including shooting ranges and concealed weapons courses for the last eight months. Based on performance and customer and merchant feedback, it’s clear they’re not a fit right now.” Mossler said in an emailed statement: All scheduled and current gun-related deals featured on Groupon North America, including shooting ranges, conceal-and-carry and clay shooting, have been placed on hiatus while we review internal standards that shape the deal inventory we feature. The category is under review following recent consumer and merchant feedback.

Wow big shocker that the Groupon – NRA alliance didn’t take off as expected. E-mailing a bunch of dorky coupon clippings to gun users is like sending Koreans a bunch of black dudes to work in their convenience store. Just shocking that didn’t pan out.

And not to tell Groupon their business or anything but how on Earth did this get the green light? Pretty sure coupons are for foodie freaks and women only. I wouldn’t even know what to do with a coupon if someone gave it to me. Do I put it on the fridge and wait for further instructions? Do I mail it somewhere? Can I give it to someone else and have them do it? Because there’s no way in a billion years I’m going up to a cashier and handing them a 10% off coupon for laundry detergent. I think I’d rather pay double to be honest. Real men pay regular price and wear wife beaters to bed. Bottom line.

(Source) Firefighters were still on the scene of a smoldering warehouse in Bridgeport this morning, pouring water on hot spots after a 5-11 alarm fire raced through the five-story building as a third of the department’s on-duty personnel fought it. The blaze was spotted by a fire chief passing by the former Harris Marcus Group building at 3757 S. Ashland Ave. shortly after 9 p.m. Extra alarms were quickly called as the fire spread throughout the warehouse and the roof collapsed and the more than 200 firefighters contended with frozen hydrants and icy ladders. The fire was finally brought under control around 12:30 a.m.

Chicago Fire Cmsr. Jose Santiago said the fire was Chicago’s largest in seven years. “This was a very large fire, unbelievable fire load, a lot of wood, timber, old stuff, varnish,” Santiago said on the scene. “Once it caught, it caught and ran. “Everything is wood inside these buildings, beautiful façades on the outside. They’ve been up for a long time. When they start burning like this, they start coming down,” Santiago said. The commissioner said the freezing cold made the firefighters’ job tougher. “We run into a lot of problems, like the ice weight on the building and ladders,” Santiago said. “We had the Water Department to come out and steam off our ladders.” Heat from the fire could be felt several blocks away as flames climbed into the sky and ash rained down on cars.

Well this makes me feel like an incredible pussy. Yesterday I was complaining that I had to take my dog out for a 2 minute walk and that my car took 5 minutes to warm up. Straight up reality check after seeing these pictures. Puts all the trivial bullshit we deal with when it gets cold into proper perspective. You may be uncomfortable but you’re not 3 stories high on a ladder dealing with fire, ice, frozen gloves, and howling winds. Balls of steel on the entire Chicago Fire Department. The things those guys go through. Fucking A.

That’s a familiar refrain regarding Cutler. In fact, Cowher and Marino were critical of Cutler’s leadership earlier this season, after Cutler shoved left tackle J’Marcus Webb in the Bears’ 23-10 loss to the Packers on a Thursday night game at Lambeau Field in Week 2.”I think it’s a problem,” Cowher said. ”The guy’s got a strong arm. There is no question about it. He’s had some protection issues. I know there’s been some questionable [play] calling. But they brought players in to help this guy win a championship, and he’s going to prove to be more accountable — not sensationalize every little mistake with his antics and body language.

Bruce Arians Yesterday

We talked for an hour and a half, I felt really comfortable with Jay,” Arians said. “Of the guys I’ve met in a long time, [Cutler] wants to win, and he wants to do whatever it takes to win. He’s willing to put in the time. “I asked him about the commitment to learn, and he wants to win, and he’ll do anything. He’s as talented as anybody in the league, and he’s more than committed to make sure that gets done.”

The likely Associated Press Coach of the Year, the Indianapolis Colts offensive coordinator stepped in as interim head coach last season when Chuck Pagano was battling leukemia. The Colts, 2-14 in 2011, finished 11-5 with Arians leading the way, bolstering his reputation as a developer of quarterbacks and receivers, most notably Peyton Manning, Ben Roethlisberger, Plaxico Burress and Andrew Luck.

Arians was aware of the different criticisms of Cutler, but he wasn’t concerned about any of that. “There’s no doubt,” Arians said of Cutler, “he was the type of leader I wanted on offense to get it done.”

Hmmm, that’s odd Shannon. You just spewed a bunch of bullshit with NO evidence, and NO justification, then when you’re basically told you’re wrong by someone who is actually a Coach, you know the exact person Cutler is allegedly supposed to “kill”, we don’t hear a word? Now isn’t that weird. Because wasn’t it just Sunday that you were blabbing about accountability, and how Bill Belichick ducks press conferences after losses? How he doesn’t own up when things get tough? When he’s in the wrong?

So if I’m following my line of logic, which I should be able to do because its mine and I’m not a horse faced pretentious moron, you’re not only incredibly dumb but also a complete hypocrite. I mean this is exactly what throwing shit against the wall and hoping it sticks means. You literally just spew garbage out of your mouth and HOPE you’re right, and if you’re not, who cares right? Because Shannon Sharpe never has to admit to being wrong. He’s just a “hilarious” guy, shooting from the hip. Well Shannon, that’s bullshit. As good as you were at football, that’s how bad you are at being a commenter. You know it, I know it, and the whole world knows it. Now lets just hope the CBS producers figure it out someday.

Awesome video. Short but very thorough. The evidence at the beginning, the prized car waiting outside, the manure drop while saying “Happy Valentine’s Day”. All perfect. Would have liked to see her reaction included at the end though. To see that look on her face when she realizes how totally wrong she was for calling you “completely crazy” in her online dating profile. Nothing like proving your sanity to someone by dropping a few thousand pounds of horse shit into their car.