Thursday, January 26, 2006

k, so so so much has happened. originally i was going to write all about uncrustables, and i think in order to keep my sanity maybe i will stick with that, but i can't not dubya bash... not today at least. so bare with me.

SMUCKER'S MEETING PITCH: gentlemen, i have a brilliant idea- peanut butter and jelly are really sticky, and when my spoiled kid wants me to cut off the crusts, well, i lose my shit. and i can't afford another visit from child welfare services. so, what if we had a product that took all the work out of making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?

so, aside from the nutritional value of a frozen peanut butter and jelly sandwich (or cheese), is this even real bread? wonder bread might finally be healthier than something. this is like a frozen pb&j wrapped in a thinly pressed sponge.

how little do you care about your child if you are throwing this in their lunchbox? what kind of parent are you? how much time does it take to smear some peanut butter and jelly on two slices of bread and throw it in a baggie? is the real concern the lack of crust? must i volunteer to come to your house in the morning and cut the crust off myself? i used to eat pb&j every day in elementary school, and my mother would write me a note on a napkin and throw it in the paper bag. now THAT is love. if some kid brought in a frozen pb&j in a wrapper and they were lucky enough to have it thaw in time for lunch--- the kid would probably get punched & laughed at for being a neglected and unloved child. LOOK AT LITTLE 'MOMMY DOESN'T CARE'! HE'S GOT A FROZEN PATTY, EARLY ONSET OSTEOPOROSIS, AND SCURVY! LET'S BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM! (wouldn't be able to run fast enough)

i ate a psychedelic chocolate last year and the only thing i could manage to make and eat at 5am was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. if in this sort of incapacitated state i was able to throw it together (mind you, i made a complete mess of lisa's kitchen, but she just blamed hern) then a parent or guardian should be able to pull it off in the morning (or even the night before).

dubya rant: this morning dubya gave a press conference about how excited he is to see his speech for the state of the union. and only brought up the palestinian election after a reporter asked (of course). his response was some positive views on why democracy works and why people want democracy. education. health care. he also said he would not stand by a corrupt government with an "armed wing". ironic that his entire speech could have been about the united states. he also made a vague statement encouraging the current fatah party to stay in place and not concede to the winner of the election- the hamas party. so, democracy is great and the people have spoken, but he doesn't agree, so the people are clearly wrong... i wonder aloud of things to come.