It has been a long day and I am exhausted. I just finished packing for a week away at a large event and I am feeling completely over whelmed tonight. I used to be so incredibly organized, almost bordering on OCD about it. I could multitask like the best of them and now, well now if I get more then 3 things on a list I seem to simply implode. For those of you who are beyond 1 year past Dday is there a time when you started to feel more like yourself??? I am so tired of feeling like I am trapped in someone else's useless body. I just want to get some of my old abilities back!

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!

Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN

devasted30♀ 39439Member # 39439

Posted: 7:54 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013

Hi
I'm 10 months out and still can't handle things very well. I think this is normal. I remember when my WS was gone (living with ow)I tried having a dinner party. What a joke that was. Turned out everyone else did the cooking etc while I just sat there stunned. This was not ME. And I too, was borderline OCD. This just screws a person up in so many incredible ways.
It will come back. I'm doing better but I sure wouldn't want to have a dinner party yet. That's going to be quite a few months (maybe years) away.

And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!

Posts: 1631 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada

TxsT♀ 39996Member # 39996

Posted: 8:24 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013

LOL.....you made me think about last year at CDN thanksgiving....I had only just found out about the A and I we had tired to say to everyone that we were just going to stay home for the event. Problem with that was we had just finished building our home and everyone in my WH's family invited themselves over for dinner. I wound up hosting a party for 15 people!!!! To this day I have no idea how we got through that day. H stepped up and was a huge help. I JT my "nothing couldn't be wrong in our perfect world" mask on and I just focused. I was luckily in my logical, pre anger and emotional stage but it took me a week to get over the stress of wearing a mask for 10 hours.

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!

Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN

StillStanding1♀ 40144Member # 40144

Posted: 12:36 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013

Hey there, T,

You know I'm only 6 months in and have no inkling when we will finally get our faculties back...

But just wanted to say, hang in there! You're doing the hard work and the rewards are coming. Be gentle with yourself and keep telling yourself that "I'm doing the best I can and that's pretty darn good considering everything I've been dealing with this past year!" Forgive yourself for not being able to be super-woman. You are wonderful the way you are.

I used to be the List Queen. Everything on a list and a list for everything. Now, I am the List Goddess! My lists have sub-lists and cross-referenced lists because, without them, I cannot function. Even though I am starting to be able to multi-task again, it's only with heaps of written materials that I can sift through, that gets me through the day.

It's just rediculious though, when I try to whip out my 10x10" daytimer and all of the bloody notes fall out of it. Let alone the multi-colored highlighting IN the daytimer itself!

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 6086 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California

TxsT♀ 39996Member # 39996

Posted: 1:44 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013

Thanks Still.....we are having fun! Happy is a good thing when you find it. I grabbed on tight tonight and smiled!

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!

Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN

ItsaClimb♀ 37107Member # 37107

Posted: 4:01 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013

I know just how you feel. I had a meeting at work this morning to discuss a number of issues and before I came into the office I was panicking... it felt overwhelming, I had visions of getting to the office and running around in circles not knowing where to start.... not "me" at all! As it turns out it went okay, stressful, but okay.

I have learnt since D-Day that I HAVE to make lists, I have to be super-organised, I have to plan, I need to write down what I need to achieve each day and tick it off as the day goes by. I can't rely on my memory, I can't let myself be in stressful situations if at all possible, I can't "wing-it", I can't overload myself with work or activities. I'm SO not the person I was 13 months ago!!

BS 47
Together 29 yrs, M 26 years
2 daughters 25yo(married with a brand new little daughter) & 19yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 1230 | Registered: Oct 2012

crazyblindsided♀ 35215Member # 35215

Posted: 1:55 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013

LOL I used to be OCD too. This A aftermath has knocked it right out of me. I am way more chill now, way more unorganized, but I like it and I don't care

No seriously on days that I feel like I can't handle it I usually do only what really needs to get done. The rest gets done when I get to it.

BS/FWS (me):42 Madhatter
WS/BS:45 Serial Cheater
Together 19 years, Married 14
DD(11) DS(9)
DDay(s) Too many to count
Final Dday 7/11/14 Same OW2
In Limbo Hell

Posts: 2916 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California

learningtofeel♀ 39543Member # 39543

Posted: 3:21 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013

I am still nowhere near as competent as I used to be, but I think that's a good thing. It was one of my emotional barriers - never needing any help, and my H needs me to need him. I do sometimes mourn the loss of my super abilities, but I also am enjoying being taken care of a bit and letting go of always being capable and in charge.

It's part of the work I need to do to become a more whole person, and it's a weird gift that comes from this incredible devastation. I never would have said I wanted to lose competence, but it's good for me. And it has come back since the first days out, just not as much as it used to be.

You will get there. It just takes a lot more time than a year.
I was an avid reader, have been all my life, but after DDay and for two years, I just could not concentrate enough to read a book. I had little fender benders in parking lots, tore the mirror off my car backing out of the garage, could hardly make myself do anything. I still worked, but I would have panic attacks at work and leave early.
Over most of that now and I was finally able to read a couple of books. Slowly becomming myself again but I am running up on three years since DDay.
It will get better. Promise.

Me - BS
Him - FWS
DD - December 14, 2010
Married 43 years 1/14/2011
Affair lasted 7+ years
Affair had been over for 2 years before I found out. OW sent me a letter.