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How to be yourself…when you can’t really be yourself.

“Just be yourself.” Most common self-help sermon ever. I’ve been preaching it for years. Except…being yourself doesn’t always work. Sometimes it’s dangerous. Sometimes it’s not worth the frustration or the futility.

“Maybe I should just have a real conversation with him. Just…be myself.”“I just want to be all of me, with all of them.”“There’s so much I can’t say to her.”

Not everyone can hear you, see you, and appreciate you. Bullying twists what you say and uses it as ammunition. Narcissism can’t have a genuine two-way conversation. Strike a nerve and narcissism strikes back to annihilate.Lots of “healthy” people are sick with poor judgement and they poison every single interaction.

I want you to blaze brightly in the world. I want you to fly your Soul flag—all your colours, sounds, and sonnets. And… I want you to leverage your light so that you can give more to the world. The surest way to do this is to seek resonance and protect your value.

So I suggest that just once in awhile youmake a conscious decision to keep yourself to yourself. Not because you’re scared of showing up, but because you have the clarity to see who’s who. And in some extreme situations (ya, a family reunion might qualify as an “extreme situation”) you put on your cloak of invisibility and just watch the situation unfold.

Being consciously reserved is not the same as being repressed or oppressed.

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Whether you need to perform major surgery on your commitments, or you need to just blow some shit up and walk away, healthy letting go requires mindfulness. So let’s really feel and think this through to get you free and clear.

THE RETROSPECTION exercise goes deep, and does it quickly. You’ll have 5 minutes to answer a big reflection question, and from there…we start to peel back the layers to clarity. If you want to find out, you have to go in.

Show me how to love the ones that are like, really hard to love. The misogynists and boundary bullies, the fake leaders and land-rapers. Actually, for the sake of efficiency, just show me how to love the most greedy. That should cover it. (But while we’re at it, help me out with the Mean Girls, ‘cause like, whoa.)

In my experience, boundary obliviousness is part of the initiation into wholeness. I don’t think you have to warrior your whole life for it, but it’s a passage to self-agency that most women seem to have to go through. Boundaries help us expand our consciousness.

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