Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Ole Miss- This is what happens when you wear ties to football games. Nobody respects you, especially Steve Spurrier. Not a whole lot to say about this stinker except. Holy hell Houston, take some GD shots at the end of the game. There is this whole concept of speeding things up when you are behind and slowing things down when you are ahead. But what do I know, I write for a ghost. I thought both coaches were too conservative at the end of the game, but it's tough in that situation when your asshole is so tight it would take John Henry to drive a needle through it. Basically this just validates my thoughts on....

Alabama--Took care of a good Arkansas offense. At this point they have to be the favorite to take the SEC West. And in terms of their current on field accomplishments, they are the #1 team in my book. And it is very difficult for me to say that.

LSU- It's kinda the same situation we have in the beginning of the season. They are #4. Haven't been totally impressive. Offense could use some help. We'll find out what kind of team they really are in the next two weeks when they travel to UGA and host #1....

Florida- I'm sure you've all seen the hit on Tim Tebow. Being woozy is an understatement, but the thing that chaps my ass is that everyone is all excited about Tebow being out. What. The. Hell. Whether you like him or not, I want to see the best player in CFB. Let's hope he gets better. Plus as an opposing fan I'd much rather beat a team full strength without any arbitrary excuses like the elements.

VT-Holy hell. Literally every single talking head at ESPN picked Miami to win, and when they didn't? "Oh the elements played a huge role in this." Exactly, because it NEVER rains in South Florida. But honestly, Stinespring called a good game, Tech played well. All is good. Also, Ryan Williams is amazing.

Cal-WTF?

Texas- Not a lot to talk about here. We will find out more in two weeks when they play OU.

Penn State- Well, hope everyone is happy because there goes your Big 10(11) MNC. But in all seriousness, Iowa played well, especially on defense.

Boise- Here is where it gets interesting. Boise is set up to go undefeated. If the crazy shit continues, could we have the first Non-BCS team in the MNC? I don't know, but it's something to think about.

Also, let's hope Stafon Johnson has a full recovery. We're rooting for him at GRH.

ARLINGTON, Tex. -- Much-ballyhooed and oft-beguiled Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo was indicted on federal child pornography charges shortly before he was notified that he would receive a Nobel Peace Prize in Stockholm, but not before he turned back to his villainous ways and was shot on sight for attempting to steal a loaf of bread.

This turn of events -- all within two hours this morning -- is just another, and apparently final, chapter in the love-hate roller coaster relationship that the now-deceased NFL superstar...schmuck player had in his four short years as a starter.

"Romo is the best guy on the face of this planet," said ESPN sportscaster Chris Berman. "But frankly, if I saw that guy on the street, I'd stomp on his chest until I found concrete."

"This guy is lower than the whale crap on the bottom of the ocean, but if he'd like to come into my home and plow my daughter, he's more than welcome."

Federal agents have been planning to pin Romo for no less than 1,000 hours of graphic child pornography on his personal computer. The sting happened to occur on the same day the Nobel Peace Prize committee acknowledged Romo's work in the field of charitable donations, which has lifted no less than four small countries out of the ranks of the third world tier.

"Tony Romo got what was coming to him; three bullets in the back," said NFL Live analyst Merril Hoge. "I just wish it would have been socially acceptable to kiss him on the mouth. I would have done it twice."

Romo was justifiably killed in a local Kroger's after he attempted to steal four loaves of bread for a cocktail party he was going to hold for a celebration for his Nobel Prize.

ESPN anchor Scott Van Pelt also had kind words for Romo, only to take back those words, while admitting those kind words were supposed to be perceived as originally intended.

Funeral arrangements will be held next week in which Romo's body will be on display for the expected thousands of mourners will show their love for the lost legend, before Dallas Waste Management throws his limp carcass into the nearest available mass grave.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Ok So I'm talking to a Bengals fan about this "Who Dey" cheer, and I also asked him if he was pissed that the Saints use "Who Dat." THEN Steelers fan buts in and is like "No New Orleans came up with it first."

ME: "I knew the expression has been around but I always thought a college team used it."

Bengals: "Yeah yeah thats it."

Steelers. "I'm telling you it started when they were an expansion."

Me: "Here's the thing. The answer to who dat who dat who dat think gon beat dem Saints, would have been nobody until like the late 90's. I'm just saying I think Who Dey is more recognizable.

This went on for a halftime show, but If anyone has any insight on this I'd truly appreciate it. I could care less about either team, I'm just curious.

Ok so in honor of the most enlightening/dumbest debates I've been in, the Shit Storm will be the best catch phrase/cheer used by fans.

Friday, September 25, 2009

I have been on an Odom rampage lately. Since his bachelor party was quite mercifully shut down, I've decided to throw up a picture of him and Busta Rhymes kickin' it.

Anyways, let's get down to the nitty gritty.

First of all, here's something crazy Prince did for one of the Batman movies once upon a time. Those original Batman movies are now having their asses kicked nightly in my memory by the new Batman movies.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Lamar Odom is apparently attempting to disprove a theory, and actually turn a Kardashian into a housewife. Lamar must still be reeling from his success in disproving the "Kobe is a ballhog" theory. To his credit, that took quite some doing, and ended quite impressively with two trips to the finals and one ring. If these pending nuptials do result in a lasting and loving relationship, it will become clear that Lamar Odom is less a basketball player, and more a reformer of men, whose time and efforts would better have been spent counseling criminals.

I'm not trying to be cynical, but let's look at what each brings to the table.Lamar:-Music and film production company-Clothing company-Emotional baggage-Millions of self-made dollars-Ron Artest-Was a member of the greatest Los Angeles Clippers team ever assembled-Phil Jackson's Zen and Yoga classes-May or may not be Nicolas Anelka-Defense-Rebounding-Passing-Outside shooting-NBA Championship-NBA Championship trophy made entirely of candy

Khloe (Shit, she even spells her name wrong!):-Sluttiness-Slutty sisters-Slutty mom-Paparazzi

The bottom line is that I like Lamar Odom. I really feel for the guy. He's been through more hard times and suffered more personal losses than anyone ever should, and he's always come through better for it. Lamar Odom deserves someone with personality and class. Not someone famous for having a sister who got famous for a sex tape. You know what a sex tape is? Porn that you don't get paid for. Pro bono ho. I'm just saying, I hope Lamar calls Reggie Bush and mulls it over a little bit.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

BRISTOL, Conn. -- Following ESPN's Monday Night Football match between theIndianapolis Colts and Miami Dolphins, the game day crew of NFL Live could barely stiffle their incredulous laughter as the oft-belittled Merril Hoge refers to the National Football League as "our league" as he often does in a vain attempt to claim let everyone know that contrary to popular belief, he did in fact play in the NFL.

"Let me tell you something about our league," said Hoge after a particularly brutal tackle. "It's tough out there."

"...Like you'd know know, taint-mole," snickered from Bronco's LB and Hall of Famer Tom Jackson under his breath, as fellow Bronco Hall of Famer Mark Schlereth slipped him a low five from behind.

"Yeah," added Schlereth. "Nice pin stripes, too, taint-mole."

When Hoge confronted the rest of the crew about the understated slight, most struggled to maintain a straight face, until new ESPN analyst and Super Bowl Champion Trent Dilfer bellowed "SOWWY MEWWIL!," sending everyone to the floor in tearful laughter as Hoge ran faintly off stage.

Hoge was unavailable for comment, but his friend and confidant John Clayton said that he's "taking it pretty rough, but should be fine in a few years."

Monday, September 21, 2009

Ok that weekend got a little crazy. My head hurts a bit, and I have an odd stain on my shirt. Only two things can fix this. Breakfast, and the Shitstorm.

We're late with the shitstorm but it's a good one. Today we are going to compare Public figures and sports teams/individuals. It might be hard, but I think the Hobbers are good enough to pull this off.

We're looking for stuff like this.

Congressman Ron Paul (R-TX) and GRH favorite, Mike Leach.

So let's see, both kinda wired differently, both somewhat contrarian in their views, can rub people the wrong way sometimes, both have higher IQ's than their colleagues....Sounds about right.

We had a better video of this, but it was taken down. Anyways, Manchester City's Emmanuel Adebayor scores a goal, runs the length of the field, then power/rock slides in front of Arsenal's (his former team's) fans. Nearly starts a riot.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Ok we've been privy to some pretty solid games over the first two weeks. Week 3 leaves us with little in terms of marquee matchups, but there are still some interesting games. The big theme this week is that we will find out a lot about certain teams. Plus, it's CFB, so let's get up and get down.Tonight we have #14 GT at #20 Miami. Obviously it's a huge conference game for both teams, especially in the ACC where one game can mean the difference between going to the championship game or playing in some random bowl. (The ACC IS competitive albeit in it's own shitty way)GT has fired on all cylinders at times, and at others they look like a literal Rambling Wreck. Defense is average. Another note is that last year GT shredded The U with the run game. I'm telling you, Miami could not stop the midline. The U is also interesting. WE saw the coming out party for Jacory Harris against FSU. The big question was whether that outcome was a result of a shitty FSU defense or a legit U offense. We shall find out.

Friday we have #10 Boise at Fresno. It's a good matchup. Boise wants to impress the pollsters, and Fresno is always a competitive team.

Saturday starts out with ECU at #24 UNC. ECU has lost a lot in past years, but Skip has been known to pull the early season upsets.

#8 Cal at Minnesota. Not really a great matchup but I haven't seen Cal, or Jahvid Best who is putting up Playstation numbers with over 10ypg.....TEN... A F*CKIN TEN!!! The USC game could be epic, but I hear this every year and every year Pete Caroll wins forever.

3:30 games

Tulsa at #8 Oklahoma. Tulsa has a great offense. Does the fall from grace continue?Tennessee at #1 Florida. Note to Kiffin. Tebow recognizes that pride along with vainglory are deadly sins....and he will smite the.

#3USC at Washington. People are calling this a trap game. I don't Believe. Honestly even if Barkley doesn't play Corp is just as good.

#19 Nebraska at #13 Virgina Tech. Homerism aside, probably the best matchup of the day. Nebraska has looked impressive, although they haven't really played anyone yet. Pelini seems to have The Huskers moving in the right direction, and much of this game will depend on the defense, I-Back Helu, and noob QB Zac Lee. After Tech's offense looked like Pop Warner champs against Alabama, they went ahead and dropped 52 on Marshall with over 600 yards of offense. (444 rushing) I don't know how to react to this. Is this what TT fans feel like? Anyway Ryan Williams and David Wilson went off, and the Nebraska game will show if the pre-season hype is warranted for this offense. Blacksburg is a tough place to play, but look for the Huskers to play very well...almost too well for my liking. For our friends in the Yellow Hammer State, this game can also serve as an indicator of how good your team is that outplayed a Tech team two weeks ago.

Late games.

#17 Cincinatti at Oregon State. Tony Pike has been balling for the past two weeks. The cross country road trip is a great chance to improve the pollsters' opinion of the Bearcats. Also, look for Brian Kelly to be the hot coach for major program openings. Looking at you ND.

FSU at #7 BYU. Great notch on the belt buckle for the Mormons BYU busting campaign. FSU didn't look horrible in the opener against Miami, but again it comes down to the good offense/shitty defense dilemma. The 19 pt performance against the Jacksonville state leads one towards the shitty UM defense theory.#23 UGA at Arkansas. UPSET ALERT!!! I'm calling it. Sure Arkansas played Missouri State last week. (Which used to be Southwest Missouri State, or SMS. However, everyone there has an inferiority complex and wanted to change their name to Missouri State. The complex stems from the fact that for many people, SMS represents High School+4. The "State" moniker says "Hey I went off and did my own thing, but I still suck on the tit that is high school....and if I flunk out...well state was just too big for me" /offends half of High school graduating class.) But honestly, Mallett+Petrino=good. Plus UGA hasn't been very impressive considering Boone Picken's loss to Houston.

The ABC primetime game is TT at #2 UT. Revenge is an understatement, but typically the Red Raiders get shit on in Austin. Consider this game a Colt McCoy Heisman showcase. But who knows, it's Mike Leach we're dealing with.

On a final note, I'll be out of town this weekend so the live blog will be inactive.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

HEAVEN, Tenn. -- According to press releases, the Lord God Almighty did, is, and is planning to smite American tennis icon Serena Williams for her noted public rant that cost her not only the U.S. Open tournament and $10,500, but also the disfavor of her heavenly Father for not finishing the job.

Williams was penalized for saying to a lineswoman, quote, "I swear to God I'm f*cking going to take this f*cking ball and shove it down your f*cking throat, you hear that? I swear to God."

"Talk is cheap," said God, in a conference call with reporters. "She got my attention, you know, swearing to me, and I respect that. Not only did she make that me-swear an entire sentence after the fact, but she even dropped a triple F-bomb, which really turned some heads around here.

"But nobody summons such power as claiming to cram a ball down a judge's throat without following through with it. For shame, says me. For shame. Tennis could have used the ratings bump."

Williams said that her agency has been in touch with Yahweh regarding His comments, and that the agency will be handling all of her communication with the Holy Spirit, Jesus, the Father or any of the Saints through written statements, public comments, curses or prayer henceforth.

"Serena has apologized numerous times for the regrettable instance. We're hoping this God character can move past it with us," said Gene Vandever, head of marketing and public relations for Shallet-Mason, LLC.

"It's also rather ironic, since God has a noteworthy track record of balking on lethal promises," said Vandever, referring to the incident in which God spake Abraham to slay his only son, Issac, on a mountain top before bailing Issac out at the last minute.

No word from Heaven on the criticism, only a grim face from God's right hand man, Christ, who notably was sacrificed for the wages of mankind's sins by God's divine omission, who was also overheard saying "Unbelievable, these guys!"

No word yet on what the manner of spiting will be, be it locusts, boils, or one of the known plagues, but God said he might develop something hitherto unseen at this point in recorded history, saying only, "believe you me, it's going to be a real humdinger, hooooooboy!"

Sunday, September 13, 2009

College is rocking and rolling. NFL is underway. GRH fantasy league is already ruining lives. DD is making money. Yes Hobbers, there is a Santa Clause.

So I was going to make a post last week entitled "On why the ACC sucks ass" I never got around to finishing it, but here is a pertinent excerpt.

JMU-Maryland is an interesting game. Why? Well JMU is a great...great IAA(Fine, FCS) program and Maryland is well Maryland. Let's say JMU does pull it off that would mean 3 losses in the first two weeks to IAA programs for the ACC. Which leads me to my title...

Why does the ACC suck so much ass?

Think back to 04. The ACC welcomed in established football powers Miami and Virginia Tech, and added BC in 05 for the Boston market and to top off the mega conference. The idea was simple enough. Take a traditional basketball conference, that performed well in other sports (LAX, field hockey, soccer, CC, etc) add the football powers to get a little top heavy and rule the world. Perfect plan right? Well it didn't work out that way, and this leads us to our first problem.

I should have pulled the trigger on it because the Terps barely beat the Dukes from James Madison. I think it's obvious at this point that the ACC blows. But why?

I think it's a lot of things obviously the decline of FSU/Miami is one thing. Recruiting is another. Money is always at play. And I think the big thing is that while the ACC is a competitive league, there is really no arms race like you see in the SEC/Big 12/ and Big 10 (11). Especially when it comes to coaches.

So consider this an open thread for completely ripping on the ACC.

Go Hokies by the way. WE SCORED 52 POINTS!!!! Look what happens when you stick with the run!!!

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Nice start to the gambling season last week going 2-0 in our plays against Tulane and the under in the NC State vs So Carolina game. Enough self high-fives, lets go get that bookie money.....#3 Southern Cal Trojans (-8) at #8 Ohio State Buckeyes (O/U 45)

Plain and simple, The Horseshoe at Ohio State is a tough place to play. Freshman USC QB Matt Barkley joked this week that the toughest crowd he's ever faced was when some parents got out of hand at a 7th grade youth game. Buckeye fans aren't laughing. That place will be a drunken mess tonight at 8:00 et. But Trojan Head Coach Pete Carroll knows this and won't put additional pressure on Barkley to make big plays. Instead, Carroll will look to his running game to carry the offense. On the flip side, the agile Buckeye QB Terrell Pryor runs the show for Ohio State. USC can't gameplan for a guy as diverse as Pryor and won't see another quaterback as athletic the rest of the season. Barkley's inexperience forces USC to play conservative against a stingy Ohio State run defense. Pryor's ability to make plays out of the pocket will give the USC defense fits. Bottom line: Big 10 football sucks and OSU is notorious for losing big games. But they will cover the 8 point spread.THE PICK: USC 21, Ohio State 16

Rough night. but I did come home to a Ryan Bingham Austin City Limits replay.

but now we have CFB. Which is awesome.

I realize we had this yesterday, but Explosions in the Sky is great. Imagine this as ESPN's flagship song for CFB. Also a little shout out to friend of the program vitustinnitus who, along with Icehouse, showed me the awesome.

Not too many gameday notes.

-Wazzu is repping once again.

-Not too many good signs from the Columbus crowd (expected) but we do have some good Charlie Weiss fat jokes. Although there is a "search kids eat free sign."-Not sure how I feel about DMB and CFB

-Santonio is the celeb picker. Picking purely on fansanity. I can respect that.

-Mascot head..............Herbstreit boys............Trojans.

Ok not too many games to get excited about. We'll be watching Old State, Michigan/ND, and the big one tonight. Hokies are on 360 which I don't have. This may be a good thing because walls computers and other items will not be punched do to offensive inability.***********************************************************************************-PSU scores early, simply better than the Cuse.

-PSU up 14-0

-Follow The Wiz on Twitter. He will hook your ass up with out of market games. Now watching Army/Duke (FLEXBONE!!!!)

-But seriously, follow him.

-Fresno up on Wiscaaaaansaaaan 21-17

-Sports Bar break

-Not surprised that Houston is giving Boone Pickens trouble.

-For the Longhorn fans. Dave Christiensen is good, but not that good. You better "Hook them" or whatever the fuck it is you do to opposing teams.

-Michigan ND is a good game, we have the Catholic D-bags leading the newly reformed liberal D-bags 20-17.

-I'd like to thank all the Christians in Texas for beating the cake-eaters from Virginia.

-I'll note that Rich Rod seems to be using more gap schemes in his running game. He's typically been a zone guy.

-ND......BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA SUCK ON IT FISH EATERS.

-On a more serious note, the Forcier kid is pretty impressive especially for a true freshman.

-Musberger continues to piss me off even though I have little fan interest in the game.

-"That'll take the crowd out of it" /1 minute later "Crowd is back in it" Yes Brent, 100,000 plus fans packed it up because the other team scored. Seriously, just fucking go away.

Friday, September 11, 2009

This is the third time I've prominently featured Joakim Noah in a blog post. You win, universe.

Short week is over. Whoop-de-doo. This week sucked. All I've been doing is staring at cloud after cloud roll in. Wack.

So anyways, let's hit this shebangabang and bounce.

Anybody that knows me knows that I've got a hardon for Explosions in the Sky. Normally I'm sick of all fall commercials on ESPN by October, but I think I'll be able to stand this one until at least November.

Here's the most fucked up thing that the internet has this week. Unlike Christmas Ape over at Kissing Suzy Kolber, I will tell you that the clip is NSFW.

Maybe the funniest video to have "Let the bodies hit the floor" as the backdrop for.

Ron Artest singing Celine Dion. If something can turn Starbury back towards sanity, it could be this. A New Yorker who has way more street cred clowning on him.

Aaaaaaand a reminder for this weekend. Get off your asses and work out.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

NASHVILLE, Tenn. -- After a summer's worth of speculation and suspicion, players and staff of the Tennessee Titans are coming forward to voice their concerns that kicker Rob Bironas is actually living in the team weight room, rather than an oft-used metaphor to describe the kicker's workout regiment.

"I've been saying it since about March," said DE Jevon Kearse. "I saw him in there every day, usually wearing sweatpants or something that might be confused for athletic apparel. But he never got really jacked up or muscular, in fact, I think he gained about 20 or 30 lbs., you just can't tell because of that terrible beard.

"And I think I stepped on his toothbrush."

Others have been complaining about a lack of tidiness in the weight room, including Bironas' stack of Hot Rod magazines, a tattered sleeping bag, a collection of various pieces of scrap metal, as well as a pile of dirty, non-football related laundry.

Coach Jeff "Fish" Fisher says that he's been hearing nothing but good things from the coaching staff about Bironas, the vaunted kicker out of Auburn, whose financial status is hitherto undetermined by Coach Fisher or the Titan's front office.

"The coaches see him in there, practically living in that weight room," said Fisher, stroking his mustache. "Or what I thought was 'practically.' What a kicker is doing in the weight room, they have no earthly idea, but golly, I guess that shoulda been a red flag right there.

"Maybe the guys upstairs haven't been putting his check in his little box," said Fisher, speaking of the team cubby holes utilized by the team's accounting office.

Bironas was unavailable for comment, as he was digging through LenDale White's dumpster, looking for "delicious," half-eaten scraps.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Bears fan: "AHAHAHA I kept Sean Alexander and Reggie Bush. Those two ALONE will get me to the playoffs" (Actual keepers)

Perhaps.

Minnesota Wild fan: "Ahhhh yesth with the likesth of Maurice Jonesth Drew Larry Fisthgerald, and Romo Dragonsth will be totally unsthtopable thisth year."(Actcual team name and roster for "Dragons")

Ok that sucked, you can do better. I do suggest you click on the image and zoom so you can see some of the team names and picks. I bet "Big Daddy" was regretting that draft two weeks into the season. But that's how it goes in fantasy....which reminds me.

There are still slots available for the GRH league.

Go to yahoo.

League ID=638653

Password=grh

The draft is tonight at 10 EST. If you have problems logging in, we can talk you through it on the comment section.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

He may not win the Heisman this year, but he'll lead his team to a undefeated NC season only to return his Senior year to win both the Heisman and NC. In the off season he'll end AIDS if Africa, and after he graduates, wins a minimum of two super bowls, he'll save the world from the looming apocalypse in 2012... So raise your glass to Tim Tebow, because he only drinks Gatorade and milk.

So that pretty much sums it up this year. The Gators return 7 on offense and 11, yes E-L-E-V-E-N on defense. Including Tebow-defense Brandon Spikes. But the schedule must be hard right?

/Looks at schedule

Florida had to squeak by Charleston Southern 62-3 and then they face a brutal... tough, Ok they play at LSU, Georgia in Jacksonville, and FSU at home to end the season. Basically, whoever comes out of the West in the Championship game.

In terms of actual analysis, Some people will point to the loss of Percy Harvin, but I don't buy it. They have Delonte Thompson coming up along with guys like Rainey and Moody. Meyer is one of the best adjusting his scheme to the players so look for guys like Nelson and Hernandez to have big years. ...Did I mention Tebow?

Defense? Again they gave up 12.9 pts per game last year and they return 11. ELEVEN!!! Also, Tebow.

At the end there really isn't much to talk about, as long as Florida Tebow doesn't have a slip up like last year they are looking at player the SEC west Champion and #2 in the BCS. Awesome.

So what can we talk about? Ahhhhh yes, the future of Tebow Florida football. Obviously Tebow will leave after this year and go onto do great things in this world. It's an interesting debate, which we will most likely have around April. However the question remains, What will the Florida program do? On one hand Meyer is the same guy who made stars out of Smith, Jacobs, and Leake and has had success everywhere he's been. On the other hand what else does he have to prove in CFB? Before he signed his extension I would have guessed heading off to ND because of it being his "dream job." After reading parts of his book, I got the impression that he chose to go to Florida over ND for two reasons. 1. The stuck up alumni at ND didn't want his offense (read-not pro style) 2. He cared a lot about his kids at the time. To recruit at ND you need to fly all over the country, Florida is a trip down the road. Just my interpretation. I know the contract extension is huge, but hear me out on my crazy ass theory. Let's just assume Florida wins the MNC. And let's just assume some team like the Cowboys have a similar season to last year. That is, they underachieve. Knowing that Urban has nothing more to prove. And always looking for better challenges, what's not to say that the double J or Al Davis tries to make him bolt to the NFL, draft Tebow. Not saying it will happen, just a crazy theory of mine.

In short we'll have that Tebow debate at some point, and Florida just needs to take care of business in order to get to the MNC.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Sheeeeeeeeeeit. I done told Clarence he better have them muhfuckers posting, I ain't taking the fall on this one.

Ok we have a fantasy football league, it's free. Other than the authors,a giant, deafmute, and our friend who would play fantasy "Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman"if they made it, nobody else has signed up.

All that money I paid Pey Pey obviously didn't do anything.

Stovall's gloating was ineffective.

Honestly, I see all you random Europeans out there on sitemeter. Stop looking at T.W goes on spring break, and sign up. What better way to gain some street cred than beating the silly Americans at their own game. AT OUR OWN GAME!!!

For the ladies? Shit this is your chance to show us up. Girls know just as much about sports as guys? Shit I agree, have you seen ESPN? Boyfriend won't let you in the fantasy league? Not only does fantasy bring people together but it also serves as a perfect medium to bust balls. "Ohhh you took T.O in the first round? Well I got Purple Jesus and he just ran for 200 with 3 honey bombs, so eat shit."

Hell, we can even move the draft. (Tomorrow at 9 EST) And if you cant make it you can autodraft. From the looks of other leagues that may not be a bad option to go with. [ED-Shit]

So here's what you do. Go to yahoo. create an ID. go to fantasy football and join a private league.ID=638653Password=grh

Draft is Tuesday, September 8, 9:00 EST.

Ok, Now that we have that over with let's talk CFB....again.

Tech-Bama. I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that Tech will never win a big game against superior opposition with the current offensive staff. I really don't like bashing coaches, because I hear the same thing, but their comes a time when I know exactly what Tech is going to run on every play where you question WTF is going on. There is no rhyme or reason, no identity...just nothing. The defense played their ass off, but you can't win games when you keep them on the field that long. Tech had something like 155 yards on offense, and they were in a position to win the game. God's honest truth, in the past several years I have felt better...a lot better when the D is on the field. And no fan should have to feel that way.

Which brings me to Alabama. Shit, they played better than I thought, especially on offense. The defense was as expected, and had a field day with the stellar Tech offense, but Bama's O really impressed me. Bama fans, for what it's worth, that was a very good Tech defense you rolled on. McElroy played very well for an opening game, and the gameplan was perfect. They wore down a smaller Tech defense that they realized was getting gassed in the fourth.(in fact I THOUGHT that was what Tech was going to do, but that would make too much sense) But all in all Saban has something going on, and Alabama will be a great team this year.

(This is the part where I don't talk about SEC officials and bullshit calls in critical situations.)

Oklahoma. I realize Bradford got hurt. But shit. You are Oklahoma. You should be able to beat some 27 year old Mormans, Heisman or not.

The ACC is horrible.

Ohio State/Navy. Like I said Saturday Ohio State deserves the worst you have to offer. (although I'd hold off until next week) But give Navy the credit. They outplayed, out executed, and out coached tOSU.

Ole Miss. Meh.

Did I mention that I have a 50% chance of winning the ACC. By myself. (Shotgun self hike offense)

You can see more thoughts by scrolling down, but I think we can take two things away from this weekend. 1. Football is back, and we have the pro's next weekend. (c'mooooon RAMS!!!) 2. UVA is the biggest piece of shit football program ever. HAHAHAHA YOU LOST TO WILLIAM AND MARY. NOW all the fans are pissed at Al Groh. Well I don't understand how you can make an educated analysis of the game when you're all loaded up on a 78 Merlot. Seriously all UVA does is take away recruits from Tech. OOOOOOH you're good at "LAX" and Soc-cer. Who gives a shit? Take your double windsors and shove them up your ass. There are more tools in C-ville than the Craftsman plant.

That felt good. Ok so the shit storm is CFB thoughts and any type of fantasy interest.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

(They are coming to your city because they hate you)Alright, I'll throw some relevant, and not so relevant thoughts on the early games. I'll be updating throughout the day, until I'm locked in the basement for the Tech game.

-The Kenny Chesney song is even more horrific than I could have ever imagined......Aaaaaand they still have Big and Rich. I hate ESPN so much right now.

-Under Armor debuts their new commercial. It's kind of a who's who of Under Armour commercials with Explosions in the Sky providing the soundtrack. Take note ESPN.

-Crowd reaction to the Blount punch is priceless.

-Colt and Bradford look so cute together. Somewhere Icehouse is vomiting.-And there is the Washington State flag.

-The MIZ-ZOU is very surprising. Everything coming out of Columbia, including my inside source was anti-Gabbert. He played very well today, I may have to change my thoughts on the Big 12 North...maybe.

-Michigan and ND. Hey, good job. It's not like they played world beaters, but they also didn't look like shit.

-The San Jose State USC game was an upset alert until the clock started.

-OK State was somewhat impressive. It was at home, and yeah they got some calls, but the defense was better than I expected.

-Ok enough with ripping on Millen as an analyst. He's good. If you're only argument is "well he sucked as a GM so he's stupid" then you must also follow the logic that Emmit Smiff is a great analyst because he was a great player. Seriously, listen to what he's actually saying. I guess I just appreciate a guy who knows the difference between a counter and "running it off tackle with a jab step" If you want to debate it, we can arrange that.

-Spielman is still the best.

-Oklahoma vs. BYU is on right now. Mormons VS. the Normans.....Sorry I had to.

-Big 10 (11) haters have some material to work with this week.

-Ok we all know VT and Bama is on tonight. And we all know I'll be locked in my basement. (complete with rubber walls) At this point I'm just hoping things don't get too bad. But if they do... It's been nice blogging for you Hobbers.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Going on gut feel for my thursday/friday games, but here are some quick thoughts......

South Carolina at North Carolina State (Over/Under 46.5)

Both teams lack depth on offense (especially at QB), but boast strong defense. South Carolina returns key letterman to a team that finished #2 vs the Pass, and #13 nationally in total defense; NC State isn't as impressive statistically (mostly due to a shitty offense leaving them on the field), but returns a solid group of experienced veterans none the less. Spurrier has lost the offensive "it" factor he had at Florida, so don't let the 'Ole Ball Coach intimidate you into picking the Under 46.5 tonight. Spurrier is 28-21 at USC and has not lost an opener since last decade.

THE PICK: UNDER 46.5; USC 17, N.C.St 13

Tulsa Golden Hurricane (-14) at Tulane Green Wave (FRIDAY 9/4)

Tulsa did lose Offensive Coordinator Gus Malzhan to the same position at Auburn, but 4th year head coach Todd Graham preaches the same 5-Wide system that Malzhan uses; so don't look for any drastic changes to the offense this season. The blue and gold also have a new signal caller, but Redshirt Jr QB Jacob Bower should be fine as he knows the system. Tulsa stomped Tulane last year 56-7, and I don't see any reason why this shouldn't happen again.

Alright, we are T-minus 6 hours until the return of real, live, meaningful football. But first let's address some issues.

Michigan- So the free press comes out claiming that Michigan is going over the allotted amount of time for NCAA workouts. Well color me surprised. You're telling me playing football at an extremely high level involves a significant amount of time commitment? Here's the first thing, we really need to examine the terms mandatory and voluntary. From personal experience on a Sunday (for example) after a game once you combine the training room, workouts, film, training table, and more film, I could see how these "mandatory" hours pile up. As they say, these things are not mandatory, but neither is playing time. Which brings me to my rage filled point. You're a division I football player at one of the most storied programs in American football. Meaning, you have your education paid for IN FULL, and you are typically afforded conveniences not seen by the general student population. So spare me the pity party. If you don't like it, quit. Truth be told I think this goes on at any major CFB program.

Ok, now on to the fun part

Several sleeper teams, I'll keep it brief.

Georgia Tech- 10 returners on offense and 8 on the Defense, plus they still have Dwyer and Nesbit. The other thing you have to realize that PJ had about 40% of his offense installed. Again, I encourage you to look at what he was doing at Georgia Southern. (here is O-line coach Mike Sewak's version) Long story short, a better grasp of the offense plus the cluster F known as the ACC, and it's easy to see GT challenging for a conference title. Did I mention the flexbone?

LSU- I honestly don't know what to think about the Bayou Bengals. On one hand they are a sleeper, on the other they are overrated. I still think they are a year or two away from being MNC contenders Seven returners on offense, and the defense is going to be nasty, Cajun nasty. In the end I think F-ing some shit up for other SEC teams mainly because they are a premiere program in the country. (Miles is...dare I say...underrated). Perhaps that Oct. 10th game against the Florida Tebows in Baton Rouge is more than we think? The QB situation is the thing holding them back, but who knows if that Shepard kid steps up and fulfills the hype. Either way they have a center named T-bob, and a Tackle with the last name of Barksdale. These are things not to be overlooked.

Arkansas- Just a gut feeling, they have a lot of guys coming back. I think Mallet is one of the better, QB's in the country, (BEST pro prospect) and although he's a dickhead, Petrino is a good coach. They won't win anything of significance because their SEC schedule is criminal, but it will be interesting to see how they play.

Rutgers-Schedule

ND-Schedule. But to be fair, ND has had a rough go in terms of schedules in past years.

Mid majors- BYU coach Bronco Mendenhall recently claimed "BYU would be competitive week in and week out in the Pac-10 Big 10 (11)" Agreed Bronco, but you know who else is competitive? Purdue, Cal, Iowa, and Arizona State. We have Boise, BYU, TCU....and ok fine, Southern Miss as threats to become BCS busters this year. The only problem is that being competitive isn't enough, there is a reason those conferences have auto bids. Now, I was on the Boise bandwagon before anyone else, the mid majors have done extremely well in BCS games, but I wonder if they end up in BCS bowls if they had to play a major conference schedule? I don't know. I mean if Boise wins tonight they have a straight shot to going undefeated this year, but again when the fighting highlighters is your premiere game something is wrong. Basically this is a roundabout way of saying I hate the BCS.

SEC- On Saturday the SEC will defend it's crown of resident CFB ass-kickers. I called them out, and it's time for me to pay the fiddler. I'm pretty sure Bama and UGA will win both games, and we'll all get to hear about it. Maybe, UGA is overrated and maybe VT completes a pass, but I just have a bad feeling. My main point in this is that think for a second if we had a playoff system and conference schedules took precedence. We might see more traditional match ups of conferences. Big 12 south vs. SEC west? ACC Vs. SEC? Big 12 North vs. Big 10 (11) Pac-10 USC Vs. whoever. THAT would be a mindblowing opening weekend. Too bad it will never happen.

The "spread"- Once you get over how you actually define spread (ranging from Florida's single wing flavor, Michigan/Oregon's option sauce, Texas Tech's modern West Coast deal, and the last bastion of the run n' shoot SMU) it's an interesting dynamic to look at. trotting out 4wr's used to be reserved for the likes of Kentucky, Purdue, and Texas Tech in order to compensate for personnel deficiencies. Now everyone runs some form of it, hell even tOSU is blaspheming in the house of Woody. It seems that the spread has moved from a talent equalizer to a talent maximizer.

Football history tells us that DC's will figure it out and the offenses will evolve again. The only question is where it will head. Some argue that the game will become more spread. I tend to disagree. Football is the ultimate chess match more than any other game, well except for chess. The one thing about football is that while there is room for a great amount of creativity, one is handcuffed by certain limitations. Teams can only have a certain amount of eligible receivers (6) vertical threats (5, leaving you with one runner) certain ways to receive a snap (physics) and men on the LOS (7). At some point the laws and doctrines of defensive fronts and coverages become apparent and the defense will simply stop spreading with you, at this point the defense WILL have a numbers advantage at the point of the snap, and the offense better have a war daddy back there in order to make things go.

In order to see these trends we all need to disregard the USC's tOSU's and ND's of the world. No we have to look at teams who are perennial bottom dwellers and need to compensate for a lack of recruiting. My prediction is that at some point some coach will see those 6 DB type players trotting on the field and raise them the old buck/belly series. (although it will most likely be the cooler, sexier Jet/fly series...look at what Oregon State and Wake Forest are doing) Watch out if PJ has some success at GT, the veer may make a huge comeback. (hoping for the split back variety) We have to deal with this on a weekly basis in high school, but at some point some OC is going to look at all these bastardized fronts/coverages and figure out how to smoke them. Point is I don't know, and neither does anyone else. That's the great thing about football (ON TONIGHT!!!) We can have a beer...ok several....fine, like six....ok starting at 10 am.. and enjoy everything that is good in life./single tear

Defense: They lost Orakpo to the League, but bring back College's best drunk driver (I can't wait for jokes like, 'Sergio Kindle ran through those blockers like he does through living room walls'). Texas also brings back the whole defensive backfield, led by the pride of Orange, Deon Beasley.

Special Teams: Ryan Bailey is in fact involved in a Kicker Kontroversy over who will start. With another senior. Get. A. Fucking. Life.

Texas had a legit argument to be in the Championship game last year. However, Texas Tech being the douchebags they are, instead of putting up a fight in Norman, they buried their own faces in shit and let the Sooners stomp them in the nuts all the way to Florida. Whatever, I always enjoy seeing the Horns beat tOSU, especially since it involved a Quan swan song.

The question marks last year pretty much all revolved around the defensive backfield (would've beaten Tech if it wasn't for some late miscues) and the offensive line. They were both filled with underclass superheroes that were prone to the mistakes of youth. They're a year wiser, and a year more athletic. Unfortunately, ALL FOUR TIGHT ENDS have been injured. ALL FOUR. For real? How do you kill an entire position? That's less of a question mark and more of a missing chapter in the playbook. In regards to losing Orakpo, I'm all sorts of jacked to see freshman Alex Okafor get some reps. Dude is a tad weak (because he's 18), but he's got the body type of a Julius Peppers. Texas doesn't rebuild, we reload.

The Horns know the grind of the season. It's the same shit as it always is. Run through some cake like Wyoming, UTEP, and [insert Louisiana college not named LSU]. Then they enter the gauntlet that is the Big XII South. The big games are the same as always. OSU, TT, OU, and the Thanksgiving brother's war.

Analysis is thus: Texas is preseason ranked #2. Anything less than a championship game appearance is below par. Tebow and Florida have the hardware already, and Colt and the Horns need to hit that blue and orange target, or the season is a failure. Thems the breaks.

KIRKWOOD, Missouri -- Recently retired quarterback Trent Green, whose career was nearly ended twice due to stomach-turning concussions before another finally ended it in Miami, survived a fiery and violent 32-car pile up on I-55 Wednesday, after his motorcycle rear-ended a lumber trailer causing it to spin out of control, taking a number of surrounding and following cars down with it.

The oft-injured Green, who was not wearing a helmet at the time, walked away from the incident nearly unscathed, favoring only his left pinky fingernail.

"I think I skinned it a bit," said Green, squinting at the digit. "I dunno, I can't tell. What do you think?"

The crash killed as many as 56 people, and coroners are still sifting through the liquefied, charred, and scattered remains in the somewhat hopeless attempt to discern one body from another.

Special Teams Football is three days away and you're still not real players.

Many people will point to USC losing a lot of players from last year, specifically the defense. But the one thing you don't have to worry about at USC is if the kids aren't alright. Seriously, the term reloading is a cliche, but it's true for the Trojans. The schedule is set up for a MNC. They play tOSU early in the year, after that they have...the Pac-10.

Some of you may have been following the QB debate between Corp and Barkley. I really don't buy into it. I saw Corp play in high school, and the guy is legit. If Barkley is challenging that spot I can only assume the same thing. The only argument I've heard is that Barkley throws more pics. Great. I don't care, SC is SC. SC has been the most consistently awesome program for a while. In fact I think USC, Texas, and VT hold the longest streak for 10 win seasons. USC is good, they compete, however they have to avoid the same thing I talked about last year. The random in conference loss.

Actual analysis? Shit, who knows. tOSU (hahahahahaha some people think the buckeyes will win) won't be a problem but I can't predict where they will fuck up every year. Stanford? Oregon State? Who knows? I think the only thing we can take from this is considering the current state of CFB SC will need to run the table. If they do that they have performed very well in bowl games and you can legitimately pick them against any team in the nation. The MNC can be achieved, easily, but who knows where the hell they will screw up. Like last year I'll give them one loss just because the gospel of Tebow is being preached, and it would make too much sense to pit them against a legit opponent for the MNC.

I love Pete Carroll, the coaching staff, and USC. Make no mistake, if there was a playoff sytem in CFB the Trojans would have at least won one more MNC. They are never the sexy pick for title winners because they are head and shoulders above the Pac-10, but I'll challenge anyone to show me that they are not the best program in the country. Looking at this year? They need to run the table to win the giant glass football.

MINNESOTA, Minn. -- In response to the heartfelt, emotional statements made by the stoic Bill Belichick regarding the retirement of Patriot's LB Tedy Bruschi, current Minnesota Vikings QB Brett Favre is demanding tear-soaked remembrances of his numerous accomplishments from his numerous retirements.

"I think I deserve a little bit of that," said Favre while rewinding the segment of Belichick's crying on TiVo. "That guy sucked butt. He only played 13 years, he didn't set any records, and so far, he's only bowed out once. Give me a break."

Favre said he has sent letters to former Packers and Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren, with whom Favre won a Super Bowl, Mike McCarthy, the current Green Bay coach and the last to coach him there, as well as Eric Mangini and Rex Ryan, the former and current coach of the New York Jets.

"I'll start with Chubbs. I feel like he's got some pent up emotions from all our days a-winnin' games. Plus, after playing with the bald guy, he's bound to appreciate me more," said Favre.

"Mac and Mangini are a given. If Brett Favre walkin' away from your team doesn't choke you up, you need to find a pair, and walk away from my football," said Favre. "Same goes for Ryan. I'm sure he was pretty devastated when I left New York."

Asked if Mike Sherman, who coached Favre in Green Bay immediately prior to McCarthy, would be included, Favre said Sherman had already cried on the future Hall-of-Famer's shoulder many times before.

"If he wants to get it out in front of everybody, that's fine," said Favre. "He'll have his shot with Childress about March. Or July! Whooooo knows?!" which was then followed with Favre waving his hands mysteriously and banging a gong.