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Kate - posted on 07/27/2009

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Ask her nicely to stop, explain that your both adults and if she has a problem with you then to come to your face. explain you would like to take care of the kids and love them like she does but cant because of what she is doing. try to be as NICE to her as much as possible be overly nice she wont know what to do with her self and will hopefully stop.

First, you have to realize that her problem is not with you - it's with your husband. And he's the one that needs to deal with it.

He needs to talk to her. He needs to firmly tell her that she shouldn't talk about you negatively to the girls, that she's only hurting them. He also needs to tell the girls that their mommy is hurting, and that she may say mean things that aren't true, but that anything she says needs to be discussed with the two of you.

Another possibility is, of course, family counseling. It may sound odd, but she needs to be considered part of your family, for the girls' sakes. If you can get all of you in group counseling to talk out your problems, it will be good for everyone concerned.

Just be yourself - do not change or try to be a 'supermom' - I did this for 8 and 1/2 years and in the end they still 'both' talk badly about me (him and his mother) ............. I regret that I tried so hard............ sometimes at my own sanities stake - let the chips fall where they may - some kids are just going to like playing the victim no matter what you do and others will embrace you with both arms (I know as I have been in two diferent relationships with step-sons - and the first was a world away from my current marriage's stepson) - to put it midly it has been a living hell!! Owh... and don't do things to please others either ie. the Mother in Law (who are sometimes prown to always seeing you as 'the other women') your Husband or people who in general have no idea what they are talking about. Be yourself, be nice and trust your instincts!!