talking race with kids – modernmami™http://www.modernmami.com
Family Fun, Easy Recipes & Parenting Stories from Latina Working MomTue, 06 Dec 2016 18:33:03 +0000en-UShourly1The Reality of Raising Multicultural Childrenhttp://www.modernmami.com/parenting/raising-multicultural-children/
http://www.modernmami.com/parenting/raising-multicultural-children/#commentsWed, 21 Sep 2016 16:24:31 +0000http://www.modernmami.com/?p=12015“Be careful, there’s a cop parked over there,” I said to my husband. “Yeah… I see him.” We weren’t doing anything wrong. We were simply driving home – driving along a back road, at nighttime. As my husband cautiously ensured he drove not even one mile over the speed limit, I kept my eye on […]

“Be careful, there’s a cop parked over there,” I said to my husband.
“Yeah… I see him.”

We weren’t doing anything wrong. We were simply driving home – driving along a back road, at nighttime. As my husband cautiously ensured he drove not even one mile over the speed limit, I kept my eye on the police car until it was out of sight. A minute later we hear our sweet girl’s voice nervously chime in from the backseat, “Why were you worried about the cop back there?” And so began a lesson I imagine many 10-year-olds don’t have to deal with at such a young, impressionable age….or maybe ever.

The Reality of Raising Multicultural Children

“Because cops are not always our friends,” my husband replied. “And while they’re not all bad, they’re not all good, either. And it’s time you learn that. That is our reality, baby.”

As hard as it was to sit there and hear my husband say those words to my sweet, ten-year-old baby girl, I knew it was the best thing to do in that moment. As her mom, I simply want to hug her, shield her, and keep my girl innocent from the world’s atrocities for as long as I possibly can. But, that’s not the reality of raising multicultural children, of raising Latino children, of raising Black children. No matter what label you place on our family, it’s not our reality.

Our reality is a constant feeling of nervousness and fear – whether it’s at the forefront of your mind or more subdued. Our reality is wanting the very best for your children, but wondering if it will be denied for them based on their color. Our reality is knowing your kids are awesome, intelligent, kind, funny, thoughtful, and a myriad of other wonderful adjectives and hoping the rest of the world will provide them a chance to show those characteristics before being judged for their look. Our reality is being (overly) cautious with every single move you make each and every day, so you can make it in this world.

]]>http://www.modernmami.com/parenting/raising-multicultural-children/feed/2Prejudice Isn’t Always So Black and White: Sometimes It’s Hard To Know What To Call Ithttp://www.modernmami.com/life/prejudice-isnt-always-so-black-and-white/
http://www.modernmami.com/life/prejudice-isnt-always-so-black-and-white/#respondMon, 23 Jun 2014 16:39:39 +0000http://www.modernmami.com/?p=9074Prejudice, racism, bigotry – these words are often used interchangeably to describe statements, actions, situations, and people. But, I believe that not all thoughts of prejudice necessarily mean a person is racist. A prejudicial thought may at times be brought on by racism, yes, but just because a person says or does something that is […]

Prejudice, racism, bigotry – these words are often used interchangeably to describe statements, actions, situations, and people. But, I believe that not all thoughts of prejudice necessarily mean a person is racist. A prejudicial thought may at times be brought on by racism, yes, but just because a person says or does something that is prejudicial, that does not automatically mean they are a racist person as a whole.

All this to say that I myself am not sure what to label the following situation I’m about to share with you. Let me describe what happened to me a few weeks ago and you make your own conclusions. I’m simply going to state the facts and write out the scenario, detailing the scene, people, and events as they occurred. I’m purposely going to detail the skin color, race, etc. of people, as they are relevant to this discussion. You feel free to chime in with how you would have felt if you were me. Ready?

As I boarded the plane and found my row, I set my purse down on the seat next to an elderly white woman so I could lift my carry-on luggage up into the overhead compartment. She was sitting in the aisle seat and at the same time I set my purse down, I also smiled at her, pointed and let her know that my seat was the window seat. She immediately informed me that I would need to place my purse in the overhead bin too and those were the only words she said to me. This, of course, put me on the defense because I don’t respond well to attitude from people. I responded, “No, not that one. Just the suitcase,” and proceeded to get my luggage overhead and scoot over into my seat. She continued that she was told because we were in an exit row, all bags needed to be overhead to make for more room. Now, this was my first time sitting in an exit row, so (at the time) I didn’t know that the rules are different than for other rows. So, I just told her, “Well, I’ll just wait and see what they tell me,” and put my purse under the seat in front of me by my feet, as I smiled at her. And those were the last words we exchanged.

A few minutes later, a young, blonde, white girl came to sit in the middle seat between us. She was carrying a purse, just like me, plus a coat. She didn’t have other carry-on luggage, so she went straight to her seat and placed her purse underneath the seat in front of her just as I had. The older woman that told me to put my purse overhead did not tell this young girl the same thing. However, she did make some small talk with her and even offered the girl the use of her armrest should she need it.

Interestingly, the flight attendants never asked either the girl or I to put our bags overhead. I sat there the entire flight wondering whether or not my bag truly was supposed to be overhead as the lady had informed me or if she had just decided to be petty with me for some unknown reason.

It’s hard to know what motivated the older woman to NOT ask the young girl to put her purse in the overhead bin as she asked me. Or what prompted her to make small talk and act courteously with her. Lots of variables and factors could have contributed – I realize this. I also could have absolutely read the entire situation wrong. I fully admit this. But, I sat there wondering and observing the difference in mannerisms and the way the elderly lady acted with the young girl and myself.

Maybe none of it was racially motivated. Maybe the lady just randomly decided to be rude to me and nice to the other girl. That’s the thing about being a person of color – you go around questioning situations all the time and wondering if people treated you a certain way simply because of how you looked. And you’ll never know. Because even if you dare to ask, you won’t ever get a straight answer.

Somehow I’m also tasked with the ever-daunting challenge of helping two multicultural children navigate this world. What do I tell them when they find themselves on an airplane seat one day also wondering if they were on the receiving end of a prejudicial act?

Chime in! How would you have felt had you been me, sitting on that airplane seat?
(By the way, I now do know that the actual information she told me was correct, regardless of how she acted towards me.)

]]>http://www.modernmami.com/life/prejudice-isnt-always-so-black-and-white/feed/0Talking Race with My 6 Year Oldhttp://www.modernmami.com/the-monkey/talking-race-with-kids/
http://www.modernmami.com/the-monkey/talking-race-with-kids/#commentsTue, 24 Jan 2012 12:00:07 +0000http://www.modernmami.com/?p=4697Every day when I pick up baby girl from school I ask her the same questions: How was your day? Did you have fun? and What did you guys do? The majority of the time her answer to the last question is a simple, “I don’t really remember.” She can tell me all about what […]

Every day when I pick up baby girl from school I ask her the same questions: How was your day? Did you have fun? and What did you guys do? The majority of the time her answer to the last question is a simple, “I don’t really remember.” She can tell me all about what games her and her friends made up during recess and who she talked to while waiting at the car loop, but it takes a lot of digging to find out what they did or talked about in her Kindergarten class. However, fast forward a few days, or even a week, and little snippets of what they’ve done come out in casual conversation.

With Martin Luther King day being celebrated early last week, it wasn’t until the weekend that we were able to find out more about what she learned in class regarding the man behind the holiday. Of course, as is customary for my baby girl, it wasn’t a straight “here’s what the teacher told us” conversation. The information almost always comes out in things she says or does; she also has a habit of surprising me at the most unexpected moments. Here’s a glimpse at a couple of conversations we had over the weekend that were sparked by her class’ discussion of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

No More ‘Whites Only’

“I’m glad the ‘white only’ signs are gone mommy,” she said as she was watching TV and I was changing baby boy’s diaper.

“Me too baby.”

“But, what happened to the babies?”

“What do you mean sweetie?”

“Well, since people with dark skin couldn’t be in the same house as people with white skin, what happened to the babies with dark skin? Did they take them somewhere else?”

“No! They stayed with their parents. If the babies have dark skin, then that means the parents did too, right?”*

“But, what about baby boy and I? You don’t have dark skin, but we do. So, pretend the ‘white only’ signs were still around – what would happen to us?”

“You don’t think I have dark skin?”

“Well, it’s more like tan.”

“Ok. Well, they didn’t separate the babies from their parents, sweetie. They all stayed together in their house. And, actually mama, if we lived back in those days, they would have thought I had dark skin too, just like you.”

“Oh, ok.”

*I realize this statement is not completely true, but I didn’t really want to get into an explanation of genetics with a 6 year old.

Love Drives Out Love

She sat at our dining table drawing a picture as I fed her little brother. When she finished she showed it to me as she normally does.

“What does this say?” I asked her pointing to the words I had already read, but wanted her to explain.

“Love drives out love.”

“And what does that mean?”

“Well, at school they told us that Martin King-“

“Martin Luther King?”

“Yes, Martin Luther King said ‘Hate does not drive out hate, only love does.'”

“Ok. And, do you know what that means?”

“No, no I don’t.”

“You guys didn’t talk about it at school?”

“No.”

“I see. Well, what he was saying was that if someone has hate in their heart, to give them more hate, by being mean or violent, is not going to take that hate away. You have to show them love to take their hate away.”

“Ohhhhh…”

“Do you really get it?”

“I think so.”

“He believed in being peaceful. He didn’t think you could make someone who has hate be better by being violent. You needed to show them love and be peaceful to help them change.”

“Like the people that wanted the ‘white only’ signs!”

“Yes. Exactly.”

“Ok. Well, I was trying to say love brings more love. Love drives out love.”

“I get it. That’s a very nice thought baby girl.”

It always amazes me how much farther her mind takes things. She’ll always have a follow-up question. Or she’ll think of varying scenarios and wonder ‘what if’. She loves to explore and imagine. This is a good thing. It will help her empathize and understand the world better as she grows.

Discussions on race will no doubt continue in our house for a long time. As she learns more and more about this country’s history, she will come home with more questions. It will take a long time for her to fully grasp all that was, all that is, and all that may be. And, that’s ok. I’m still working on it myself.