The Secret UN Diary of S M Krishna

You know, people hire experts these days … you know … to prepare speeches. We live in a modern world where we can outsource a speech.

I remain inspired by Bollywood hit ‘3 Idiots’ wherein Aamir Khan constructs the great mix-up … you know … when he does the masterpiece by making some expert entries into the speech meant to praise the college Dean. Remember Chatur Ramalingam !

When I came to address the UN, I was thinking who would actually notice me! And who would listen to an otherwise boring, lengthy speech!

I was thus determined to do something … you know … that would bring me to front pages. Publicity … you know … is must, be it positive or negative. This is what my PR firm suggests, and I’m impressed.

People back home are saying that I embarrassed everyone at the UN Security Council meeting by reading out a wrong speech … you know … that I read out the speech of my Portuguese counterpart. Oh … I just missed by few seconds … only if I could lay my hands on the speech on the table of my Pakistani counterpart !!! I wanted to read that, actually … you know … to make everything appear bigger.

When my turn came, I was very much aware what I was left with … just to be satisfied with a speech meant for the Portuguese Minister. The task in any case … you know … was big … it was a challenge.

The three minutes — when I was reading the Portugues Foreign Minister’s speech — were so titillating. I was overjoyed, jumping … you know. Only if I could have managed to read the whole text. Uf! I don’t know from where did the Indian diplomat spring up to correct me. I will sack him. How could he interrupt me when even the Portuguese Minister had no objection.

These stunts are needed if you want to grab more eyeballs … if you wanna cement your claim to a permanent seat on the Security Council. Whom should I tell this that I did everything deliberately … you know … whom should I tell that only wearing a suit does not a leader make.

Clinton & Krishna. A file pic.

I am not blind after all. Didn’t I know which paper I should have picked? Now how would I execute my next strategy — to greet Hillary Clinton as ‘Hello, Ms. Michelle’ !!!

And look at the way my Congress party is behaving, as I write the notings. Madam Sonia has just faxed me: “Remember to return to India, Krishna.”

They should realise that the head that wears a wig can never be uneasy. Okay. I will avenge this. Let the parliament session begin. I will change Pranab Mukherjee’s Budget Speech this time.

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This imaginary entry is actually intended to make our minister SM Krishna laugh … you know … as he just had some tough UN moments. Happy Reading. Keep Smiling. Below is the video: The one showing Krishna’s UN speech.