fa·tal·ism (fāt'l-ĭz'əm) n. So far in the Euro 2008 Group of Death, Scotland have beaten the World Cup runners-up home and away, bossed one of Germany 2006's quarter-finalists at home, and given a good account of themselves away to the world champions. The team have won eight out of ten, are top of the group, and can almost touch their invitation to Austria-Switzerland next summer. Full of confidence and playing some excellent football, they today face a team which may feature a 16-year-old and two 17-year-olds, one of whom is the third-choice goalkeeper at his club, never mind his country. So what's going to happen here, then, do you think. Yep, that's right, you could almost set your watch by it. Ah well, it was good while it lasted.

The point at which it all begins going downhill, as it surely must, things simply can't go on like this for much longer: 6pm.

One good thing that would come of a Scottish failure to qualify for Euro 2008: They won't be forced to spend any time next summer being chased up and down mountains by the official Euro 2008 mascots, Clown and Eejit. Will you look at the state of them! They're a marked downturn in quality from the last World Cup, when Goleo VI, the psychotic German lion, hoofed his supposedly best pal Pille the Erudite Ball all over the shop like an old sock. I liked the brutally honest depiction of their tempestuous relationship, and the fact Pille looks as though he's close to snapping and turning on the big furry goon. At least there's some raw emotion there; Clown and Eejit are too busy posing in order to get DOWN MIT DEN KIDZ for any real character to shine through. And they clearly don't love each other, you can just tell.

Don't Say It Ain't So, Say It So dept. "Curses and hexes have been going down in America's oldest sport, baseball, on a regular basis and I think the curse-breaking disease is catching," writes George Templeton. "In just the last four years, two teams that went 86 and 89 years respectively without championships won titles. If it can happen for the Boston Red Sox and Chicago White Sox, it can happen for Scotland! And it will!" This stops being analogous when you consider both sets of Sox had actually won trophies before, but we've got nothing else to go on, so we may as well grasp the theory with both desperate hands.

4.50pm: The match doesn't kick off for over an hour and yet the meltdowns are starting already. "My girlfriend offered countless times to get me a ticket for the Scotland games against Ukraine and Italy," writes Alex Donnelly. "I tried to explain to her that the only possibility of us winning was if I wasn't there. She doesn't understand." Are you alright, Alex? "Tonight I am locked in my room." Are you sure you're alright? "I have Irn Bru and pizza ordered from the outside world. I will do nothing whatsoever to jinx this. Unless by staying in, I've jinxed it already. Oh hell, I watched all our other victories outside my room. Baws. It's all going to be my fault, isn't it?" Samaritans: 08457 90 90 90. Nobody's judging you.

5.15pm, and I'm harbouring serious reservations about the mental well-being of Guardian Unlimited Football's readership: "I am sitting alone in my serviced apartment in Singapore, wearing a Scotland top and boxer shorts like a Caledonian David Mellor, nursing the dregs of my one and only can of Tiger," writes Neil Cocker, in what can only be a cry for help. "There's no hope of seeing the game on Singaporean TV; I'm watching Chinese soap operas and clicking refresh every 47 seconds. The only positive note is that since I've been in Singapore, Scotland have won every game they've played. Thirty years of darkness have lifted. I am Scottish football's horseman of the apocalypse. Please keep me banished here forever."

Giorgi Makaridze, 17, debuts in goal for Georgia even though he's yet to play for his club side Dinamo Tbilisi: Makaridze, Ghvinianidze, Shashiashvili, Asatiani, Salukvadze, Kvirkvelia, Kankava, Menteshashvili, Kenia, Siradze, McHedlidze. Subs: Sturua, Jakobia, Kandelaki, Tatanashvili, Kvakhadze, Bolkvadze, Dolidze.[These are spelling mistakes waiting to happen, so apologies in advance for the inevitable.]

The national anthems: Flower of Scotland is given a nice plodding bassline on parping tuba, while the Georgian is a close-harmony affair, a bit like the theme to Eurovision, plus a couple of chord changes which throw the casual listener.

And we're off: Scotland, playing in traditional, er, limited-edition maroon, set the ball rolling with an aimless hoof upfield. Less of that, please.

2 min: There's an awful lot of whistling going on, perhaps in protest at the current inability of all 22 players to control the ball.

3 min: Not much of a start this, I can tell you that for nothing.

4 min: The 17-year-old Kenia looks confident, tearing down the right wing and playing a decent ball across the face of the Scotland box which not one of his team-mates reads or reacts to. "Can you keep an eye on McFadden for me please?" asks Gary Naylor. "I don't want him getting hurt and jeopardising his 80th minute introduction to the Merseyside derby come Saturday lunchtime. Decent of the Premier League to have scheduled that match for 12.45pm - it saves the likes of McFadden, Lescott, Gerrard and Neville sleeping at all between now and their biggest club game of the season."

5 min: A good start from Georgia, this; they win a corner after some good work from Siradze; the resulting kick is dealt with easily by Weir.

7 min: "I am sat next to Graeme Souness on the train to Manchester and after his reaction to the England result would like to be the first to tell him about a Georgia goal," writes Tim Buckingham. "Any joy?" Afraid not, but Kvirkvelia nearly splits the Scottish defence with a pass that McManus does well to clear. Scotland want to watch this, they've started slowly.

8 min: This is better: Alexander sprays a ball down the left towards Miller, whose first-time low cross is met in the centre by McFadden, who rushes in and sidefoots this much wide of the left-hand post. So nearly the opener.

10 min: Shashiashvili nearly gets behind Murty down the left, but the Reading full-back does well to slide in and clear. After a slow start, this is turning into half-decent end-to-end stuff.

12 min: The match ball, having been mindlessly kicked in the face Goleo VI style, is jiggered, rather like domestic victim Pille the Erudite Ball. The deflated orb is hoofed out of play and traded in for a younger, more beautiful model.

16 min: GOAL!!! Georgia 1 - 0 Scotland. Weir meets a deep Georgian cross - one that was floating out of play - with the toppermost of his head; that's a needless corner. Menteshashvili takes; and McHedlidze crashes a header past a helpless Gordon and into the net. What a great goal from Georgia's point of view, but oh dear oh dear. I'd like to hear how Graeme Souness reacts to this. Tim Buckingham, do your worst.

17 min: Fletcher embarks on a Maradonaesque (well, it is) run down the right and into the box. He falls - but is not bundled - over, and the ball is cleared. A good response, though. As is this: a goal flies in, and within a minute, the conspiracy theorists are already up in arms. "Tell Gary Naylor to stop bumping his gums," writes Claire MacKenzie. "There's the small matter of the SFA having scheduled an Old Firm derby a whole 15 mins earlier at 12.30pm on Saturday, which in NO WAY WHATSOEVER has anything to do with Gary Naismith et al pulling out of this game, oh no sir."

20 min: Tell you what, this Kenia looks decent. Once again he jigs and jinks down the right, causing Alexander and McManus problems as he stands on the spot and shakes his booty like a modern-day Steve Nicol. Actually, that's not a very pleasant image, is it.

Guardian Unlimited Football: a hotline to the stars! "I am on a train to Manchester," writes, er, Graeme Souness from his long-standing email account graemesounessonthetrain@googlemail.com, "and the tit next to me told me that Scotland are already a goal down. Is this true? In case it is, I have started weeping."

25 min: Scotland are seeing plenty of the ball, but not doing a great deal with it. More often than not it's passed around at the back for a while, then eventually hoofed witlessly up one of the flanks, where any slim chance of creating bother is immediately lost. Meanwhile, according to Tim Buckingham, Souness's actual response was: Plenty of time, don't you worry. "A disappointing retort from the great man," adds Buckingham. "Perhaps another Georgia goal needed to stoke up the old fire?" Actually, will you please stop this?

28 min: CORNER FOR SCOTLAND!!! Yes, that's right! They have won one! McFadden takes it, only for McManus to crash a header miles over the bar for three of the rugby points. "Steve Nicol takes a size-16 shoe," writes Christopher Collins, who may or may not be lying through his teeth, but I can't say I'm bothered much either way. "I have an unhappy image of a clown-shoed 80s Soviet Bond baddie jinking down Scotland's flank."

32 min: This is more like it from Scotland. More like the old Scotland, that is: they can't string two passes together at the moment. Bah. Meanwhile the owner of the email account graemesounessonthetrain@googlemail.com - who for the record is surely Graeme Souness, definitely no question about that - has promised to "sort Tim Buckingham out".

34 min: There is a clown on the pitch. One not wearing Scotland maroon, that is. Some dolt in a car coat jogs around for a while, before being shoved to the ground by several police officers waving sticks.

35 min: That should have been a penalty for Scotland, as McFadden shapes to scoot past Shashiashvili and is stopped from doing so by a bloody great thigh.

36 min: It's all happening: McHedlidze takes a shot from outside the box which Gordon does well to parry clear, then McFadden nearly breaks clear down the other end, but takes one touch too many and can't get his shot in on goal as three defenders swarm round him. Good match this now.

39 min: What an effort from - who else? - McFadden, who outside the box and with his back to goal, brings down a dropping ball with his thigh, juggles it as he turns round, and sends a dipping volley just over the bar. Oh, and a wee bit wide. Which makes the effort sound far worse than it was.

41 min: McFadden is upended in the centre of the park. Fletcher goes to take the resulting free kick quickly - and is pulled back by some saucy Georgian sod. When it's eventually taken, the free kick is simply dreadful. Scotland haven't tested the 17-year-old keeper once here; Alex McLeish is on the sideline in a funk which is hot.

43 min: Pearson and Miller combine nicely down the left to nearly send the former free; he can only win a corner, though. Maloney's set piece is half decent and nearly finds the head of McManus, but with the young keeper flapping, Asatiani takes charge and heads clear.

Half-time: Georgia 1 - 0 Scotland. Well, that's about right, the Scots can have no real complaints about that; their marking at the goal was dreadful and they created next to nothing up front. Still, they enjoyed a lot of possession, that's got to count for someth... hold on, no it doesn't. Very poor. "Oh Scott, I love it when you smoke your cigarettes," writes an anonymous reader who may or may not exist. Well, I live to make you happy. Back in a sec.

I'm high on nicotine. And Flavia English Breakfast Tea flavour drink, sucked straight from the Filterpak. And life! So enough of this pessimism. Scotland can still do this if they get their gamefaces on. Not that you lot are in similar mood. Gordon Lunan is personally blaming the Guardian right now for headlines such as "Scotland confident of a Georgia win". Sorry about those. Meanwhile Jon Cummins is blaming himself: "Like a fool I decided to watch the game in English instead of the French feed I got for the Ukraine game after a friend ridiculed my superstitious nature." Oh dear. "But don't worry, I'm switching back to my completely legal French feed, 2-1 Scotland, I can feel it!" Well, that's a bit better, isn't it. Isn't it?

Harbouring Serious Reservations About The Mental Well-Being Of Guardian Unlimited Football's Readership pt.II: "It's 4am here in Sydney and in my mildly hallucinating state of total panic, Scott, you are becoming more and more attractive to me," writes Tracy Scott. "Are you single? We share the same name - it must be a sign, no?" Oh me, oh my, you really need some sleep, don't you. It'll be alright in the morning, promise. Meanwhile Nick Shearer is "going to lock myself in the company lav with the prehistoric white wine I found in the fridge. Why, Lord, why?"

And we're off again! A minute of the half gone already, and have any Scottish players showcased their ability to trap the ball with anything other than their shins or teeth? You can answer that yourselves, can't you.

47 min: Asatiani plays a suicidal ball across the face of his own box; McFadden nearly latches onto it but Youngkeeper (it's easier to spell) does brilliantly to react, rushing out and walloping miles upfield.

50 min: McHedlidze - he's only 17 for goodness sake - looks quite a player. Not only has he scored the goal, now he's haring up and down the right wing, twisting poor Alexander in knots. He's so unlucky as he executes a Cruyff Turn in the box which is only this much too heavy of touch, sending the ball out of play instead of into space in the box. Meanwhile it's getting clammy in here, as Melissa F appreciates the fact I am "not afraid to use the words "saucy" and "hot", and I could only imagine the sight of that rather large Georgian thigh you mentioned since I watched them on the weekend vs. Italy." Just trying to spread the love, that's all I'm doing, spreading the love.

53 min: Pearson and Fletcher combine nicely in the centre of the park to release Maloney, who weaves towards the Georgian box and is upended. That, sir, is a foul, and a free kick results. It's just left of the D, 20 yards out. Maloney stands over it himself and... oh for goodness sake. WITH A 17-YEAR OLD DEBUTANT IN GOAL, SCOTLAND STILL HAVEN'T HAD A SHOT ON TARGET as the free kick is dinked over the wall and bounces harmlessly wide left, and at no great speed to boot. "This is turning into The Naked Lunch," writes Chris Collins. "While masochists in other time zones are at least in bed, nursing cans of booze or hallucinating, I am having to put my best corporate face on as people ask me questions about sales margins while a world of turmoil goes on inside my head." You should try sitting here.

56 min: Another free kick for Scotland, this time further out left. Maloney curls a free kick into a crowded area; it's easily cleared by Shashiashvili. How quickly the old days have returned. I knew it. I just knew it. Total time of your minute-by-minute reporter's boundless optimism: 11 min.

58 min: McFadden goes down for a bit there, and for a moment looks in some distress, but he's soon up again.

61 min: Georgia's other excellent teenager, Kenia, goes to ground under a decent looking challenge from McManus. Free kick, just outside the box; booking to the Scotland centre-back. Kankava is also booked for an over-zealous display of anger at the "foul". Kvirkvelia's kick is brilliant, dipping from 25 yards centrally towards the top-right corner; Gordon's response is equally wonderful, as he tips over for a corner. From which comes nothing.

64 min: THAT'S IT, I'D SAY. Georgia 2 - 0 Scotland. Murty is beaten all ends up down the left by Kvirkvelia, who cuts back to Siradze; the ball is sidefooted calmly past Gordon. Oh dear. The immediate reaction: Miller and Pearson are replaced by Boyd and Beattie.

67 min: Siradze is kicked full in the face by a high-kicking Weir. The resulting free kick is basically a corner from the left; Menteshashvili curls it towards the back post and Boyd does well to head clear. This is all Georgia and Scotland is rocking. Tim Buckingham, who is in the immediate environs of Graeme Souness on a Manchester-bound train, would like someone who knows him to call him for a loud chat about the rugby.

70 min: The ball isn't sticking up front for Scotland at all, despite the composition of the team being roughly 66% striker. Beattie is booked for scything down Kenia. "Awful performance this by the Scots," writes Rob Edwards. "I haven't seen a performance this bad since the girlfriend tried to explain a new scratch on the bumper of my car. Sir Anthony Hopkins she is not."

73 min: Beattie gets on the end of a deep left-wing cross, but his header from six yards out flies well over the bar. "Watching the marking in the area for both goals," wonders Patrick Groden, "will the chant from the Georgians be: Are you England in disguise?"

74 min: SCOTLAND HAVE A SHOT ON TARGET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, you read it right, they really have had one! Beattie is the man, taking a free kick from nearly 40 yards out which Youngkeeper (a spit for Napoleon Dynamite, incidentally) smothers with ease.

76 min: This is over. Maloney goes over in the box under heat from Asatiani, but he knows full well there's nothing in the challenge and his appeals for a penalty are nearly as half-arsed as Scotland's overall performance. Ed Haag has taken to quoting Sean Connery, who once said: "Scotland are fulfilling their self-appointed role as tragic losers." You've got that straight.

78 min: Kandelaki replaces young Kenia, who has been fantastic.

79 min: McFadden slides in at the right-hand post in an attempt to meet a deep, dipping cross, but can't quite get his toe to the ball to poke home from two yards. MEMO TO ENGLAND: "Take note," writes Rob Edwards. "THIS is how you screw up a Euro campaign. None of this being rubbish all the time business. Pretend you're good, fluke a few results against top-quality opposition, then completely collapse in style towards the end. This is how it's done. Excellent work, Scotland, truly outstanding." The self-hate starts now, doesn't it? We always knew it would happen sooner rather than later.

81 min: SCOTLAND HAVE ANOTHER SHOT ON TARGET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's McFadden on the turn in the box; the ball reaches speeds of up to 13 centimetres/hour before rolling into Youngkeeper's hands.

83 min: At least there's no unbearable tension, look at it that way.

86 min: "Which Ronnie Haslehurst theme best sums this Scotland performance up?" asks Mike Shallcross, who in his role as deputy editor of Men's Health magazine should probably be cutting to length a piece about buffing your guns, instead of emailing national newspaper websites about sitcom themes. Anyway, Mike, it's a toss-up between the soporific Rise and Fall of Reggie Perrin, or the poignant Last of the Summer Wine, I'd say. I almost suggested Blankety Blank, but then this has been far from a supermatch game. McHedlidze is replaced by, er, I'm not going to try to wing it, I missed that one. There's a lesson to learn about priorities here, isn't there.

88 min: This game is over, and Klaus Toppmoller is killing time with substitutions: Jakobia comes on for Siradze.

89 min: From a late corner, Beattie takes a wild slash at the ball. The ball just about stays in the stadium. There are going to be five minutes of added time, but don't get your hopes up, no way are Scotland going to score one, never mind two.

90 + 2 min: The ball drops to McFadden just outside the box but, just as he shapes to volley, Fletcher crosses in front of him and the half-chance is gone. "I think this is the best possible result," writes Anita Buchan. "If we had won, we would only need a draw against Italy, and would therefore probably lose. This way, we just need to win and will therefore have more motivation. And France could still drop points against Lithuania, and they'll find going to Ukraine in November very difficult."

90 + 4 min: Asatiani is booked for some needless timewasting. Dan Barron blames this result on the maroon jerseys, while Greg Phillips nominates the theme to Ronnie Corbett vehicle Sorry as the perfect Hazlehurst soundtrack for this shambles.

Full-time: Georgia 2 - 0 Scotland. And that's it. "Well, that's it then," sighs Paul Milton. "We'll just have to beat the world champions at Hampden. Easy!" Scotland were terrible tonight against a team containing more than their fair share of novices - quite a few of the team's big names went missing - but then the loss to injury of the world-class (yep) Scott Brown was a huge blow. If they can name their first-choice XI next month... well, stranger things have happened, just ask the French. Having said all that, I guess Peter Collins captures the mood best: "Could you please change the name of your service from 'live' to 'dead and buried'?"