Eurovision + Music | The Guardianhttp://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/eurovision+music/music
Indexen-gbGuardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. 2015Sun, 02 Aug 2015 23:51:28 GMT2015-08-02T23:51:28Zen-gbGuardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. 2015The Guardianhttp://assets.guim.co.uk/images/guardian-logo-rss.c45beb1bafa34b347ac333af2e6fe23f.pnghttp://www.theguardian.com
Bucks Fizz: more than just a Kwik Save Abbahttp://www.theguardian.com/music/musicblog/2015/jul/01/bucks-fizz-abba-bob-stanley-eurovision
<p>They were put together for the Eurovision song contest, but the UK’s answer to Abba were more successful and daring than people care to remember</p><p>The white heat of the post-punk era created new pop, a term largely unknown to anyone who didn’t live through the early 1980s but beloved by many who did. The phrase was coined by Paul Morley in the NME, and the notion of new pop was to add more colour to the top 40, to bring showbiz back while retaining post-punk’s rejection of cliche. The result was records in the chart about <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0z6adZaRXo">sericulture</a> and <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/education/2004/oct/15/highereducation.news">Jacques Derrida</a>.</p><p>Only the Beach Boys seem to have spent more time in litigation with each other than Bucks Fizz</p> <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/music/musicblog/2015/jul/01/bucks-fizz-abba-bob-stanley-eurovision">Continue reading...</a>Pop and rockMusicCultureEurovisionWed, 01 Jul 2015 11:59:34 GMThttp://www.theguardian.com/music/musicblog/2015/jul/01/bucks-fizz-abba-bob-stanley-eurovisionPhotograph: Rex FeaturesBucks Fizz perform Making Your Mind Up at the 1981 Eurovision song contest.Photograph: Rex FeaturesBucks Fizz perform Making Your Mind Up at the 1981 Eurovision song contest.Photograph: PACheryl Baker, Mike Nolan and Jay Aston arrive at the Trade Marks Bureau, London, in 2011 to hear judgment on a long-running dispute over the rights to the Bucks Fizz name.Photograph: PACheryl Baker, Mike Nolan and Jay Aston arrive at the Trade Marks Bureau, London, in 2011 to hear judgment on a long-running dispute over the rights to the Bucks Fizz name.Photograph: Hulton Archive/Getty ImagesUnable to make soundalike sequels … Bucks Fizz (clockwise from top left): Bobby G, Mike Nolan, Cheryl Baker and Jay Aston.Photograph: Hulton Archive/Getty ImagesUnable to make soundalike sequels … Bucks Fizz (clockwise from top left): Bobby G, Mike Nolan, Cheryl Baker and Jay Aston.Bob Stanley2015-07-01T11:59:34ZThe playlist: experimental – Maggie Nicols, Tētēma, David Sylvian and morehttp://www.theguardian.com/music/2015/jun/02/the-playlist-experimental-maggie-nicols-tetema-david-sylvian-and-more
<p>Forget Eurovision – here are experimental songs and performances, from Peter Ablinger’s tribute to Schoenberg to Jaap Blonk’s vocal distortions, to make you proud to be European </p><p>Assuming you can remember <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/may/24/swedish-eurovision-win-spares-russian-conservatives-an-awkward-moment-gay-sex">who won this year’s actual Eurovision song contest</a> – I’m not certain I can, as if it matters – this alternative list of Songs for Europe, songs to make you genuinely proud to be European, kicks off with the British entry. David Sylvian’s 2003 album Bleamish marked a fresh way of working for the one-time Japan frontman. He invited free improv guitarist Derek Bailey and electronic composer Christian Fennesz to feed him material which, via studio magic, Sylvian mulched and interwove around his emerging song forms. Bleamish, from which The Good Son is taken, documents the falling apart of Sylvian’s then relationship; the intimate yet disembodied counterpoint between the singer and his borrowed material was a powerful metaphor.</p> <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/music/2015/jun/02/the-playlist-experimental-maggie-nicols-tetema-david-sylvian-and-more">Continue reading...</a>Experimental musicMusicCultureEurovisionTue, 02 Jun 2015 13:41:26 GMThttp://www.theguardian.com/music/2015/jun/02/the-playlist-experimental-maggie-nicols-tetema-david-sylvian-and-morePhotograph: PR handout freeDisembodied counterpoint … David SylvianPhotograph: PR handout freeDisembodied counterpoint … David SylvianPhilip Clark2015-06-02T13:41:26ZThe week in music: Mozart's £35,000 hair, Glasto death threats and morehttp://www.theguardian.com/music/2015/may/29/mozart-hair-sothebys-auction-emily-eavis-glastonbury-death-threats-week-in-music
<p>Our weekly music news roundup, featuring Eurovision 2015, Michael Jackson’s Neverland and Daniel Barenboim’s new piano</p><p>Repeat after me: Kanye West performing at Glastonbury is not the end of the world. That didn’t stop people sending festival organiser Emily Eavis death threats about booking the rapper to headline one night of this year’s event, or signing an online petition to have him struck off the lineup. Eavis <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/music/2015/mar/20/emily-eavis-on-kanye-at-glastonbury-we-have-got-one-of-the-greatest-artists-of-his-generation-headlining">has already written about</a> discovering, perhaps for the first time, why reading the bottom half of the internet often feels like stepping right into the fiery depths of hell, and this latest piece of news seems to support her initial shock.</p><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Today was my first day on the movie set and I had a blast !!! Such a change from what I'm used to but it's really fun!</p> <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/music/2015/may/29/mozart-hair-sothebys-auction-emily-eavis-glastonbury-death-threats-week-in-music">Continue reading...</a>Pop and rockMusicCultureGlastonbury 2015Glastonbury festivalEurovisionEurovision 2015Music festivalsFestivalsBB KingAzealia BanksFri, 29 May 2015 14:32:53 GMThttp://www.theguardian.com/music/2015/may/29/mozart-hair-sothebys-auction-emily-eavis-glastonbury-death-threats-week-in-musicPhotograph: Julian Stratenschulte/dpa/CorbisMåns Zelmerlöw representing Sweden at Eurovision, the place where music fans’ dreams go to die.Photograph: Julian Stratenschulte/dpa/CorbisMåns Zelmerlöw representing Sweden at Eurovision, the place where music fans’ dreams go to die.Photograph: Stewart Cook/Rex ShutterstockSomething nice and understated to leave for the children … Michael Jackson’s former Neverland ranch.Photograph: Stewart Cook/Rex ShutterstockSomething nice and understated to leave for the children … Michael Jackson’s former Neverland ranch.Photograph: Katherine Anne Rose/ObserverGlastonbury’s Emily Eavis … in happier times.Photograph: Katherine Anne Rose/ObserverGlastonbury’s Emily Eavis … in happier times.Tshepo Mokoena2015-05-29T14:32:53ZBBC1’s Eurovision coverage down more than 2 million on 2014http://www.theguardian.com/media/2015/may/26/bbc1s-eurovision-coverage-down-more-than-2-million-on-2014
<p>Annual TV music contest, won by Sweden, averages 6.6 million viewers on Saturday, the lowest ratings for five years</p><p><br />Another <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/may/25/graham-norton-and-eurovision-rule-supremewhat-we-learned-from-the-weekends-tv-">humiliation for the UK entry at Eurovision</a> prompted talk of a Brexit but BBC1 viewers may already have voted with their remote controls, this year’s jamboree sinking to a five-year ratings low, more than 2 million down on last year.<br /></p><p>The Eurovision Song Contest, in which the UK’s Electro Velvet finished 24th with just five points, had an average of 6.6 million viewers from 8pm on Saturday, a 35.8% share of the audience.</p><p> <span>Related: </span><a href="http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/may/25/eurovision-song-contest-time-for-brexit">Eurovision 2015: is it time for Brexit?</a> </p> <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/media/2015/may/26/bbc1s-eurovision-coverage-down-more-than-2-million-on-2014">Continue reading...</a>BBC1BBCMediaTelevision industryTV ratingsUK newsEurovisionMusicCultureTelevisionTue, 26 May 2015 09:12:39 GMThttp://www.theguardian.com/media/2015/may/26/bbc1s-eurovision-coverage-down-more-than-2-million-on-2014Photograph: Splash News/CorbisThe UK’s entry to the 2015 Eurovision Song Contest, Electro Velvet, finished in 24th place with five points.Photograph: Splash News/CorbisThe UK’s entry to the 2015 Eurovision Song Contest, Electro Velvet, finished in 24th place with five points.John Plunkett2015-05-26T09:12:39ZWhat we learned from the weekend's TV: Graham Norton and Eurovision rule supremehttp://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/may/25/graham-norton-and-eurovision-rule-supremewhat-we-learned-from-the-weekends-tv-
<p>OK, our man had loads of material to work with, thanks to the antics of Armenia, Azerbaijan and especially Mr Montenegro – but his commentary was fabulous. Elsewhere, Australia earned some serious respect with Anzac Girls</p><p>This was Graham Norton’s verdict on the adorable 16-year-old Israeli in golden “winged messenger” boots during Saturday night’s proceedings at the Eurovision in Vienna (Saturday, BBC1). And he was right. </p><p> <span>Related: </span><a href="http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/may/24/swedish-eurovision-win-spares-russian-conservatives-an-awkward-moment-gay-sex">Swedish Eurovision win spares Russian conservatives an awkward moment</a> </p> <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/may/25/graham-norton-and-eurovision-rule-supremewhat-we-learned-from-the-weekends-tv-">Continue reading...</a>Eurovision 2015EurovisionAnzac DayGraham NortonMusicTelevisionMon, 25 May 2015 09:54:08 GMThttp://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/may/25/graham-norton-and-eurovision-rule-supremewhat-we-learned-from-the-weekends-tv-Photograph: HELMUT FOHRINGER/EPA‘Adio’ Mr Montenegro.Photograph: HELMUT FOHRINGER/EPA‘Adio’ Mr Montenegro.Photograph: Alysa Grigoriev/Alysa GrigorievAnna McGahan as Olive, Antonia Prebble as Hilda and Georgia Flood as Alice in Anzac Girls.Photograph: Alysa Grigoriev/Alysa GrigorievAnna McGahan as Olive, Antonia Prebble as Hilda and Georgia Flood as Alice in Anzac Girls.Photograph: GEORG HOCHMUTH/EPA‘At points you’ll think they’ve had a bad oyster. But truly it’s choreographed’: Elnur Huseyno representing Azerbaijan at Eurovision.Photograph: GEORG HOCHMUTH/EPA‘At points you’ll think they’ve had a bad oyster. But truly it’s choreographed’: Elnur Huseyno representing Azerbaijan at Eurovision.Viv Groskop2015-05-25T09:54:08ZSwedish Eurovision win spares Russian conservatives an awkward momenthttp://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/may/24/swedish-eurovision-win-spares-russian-conservatives-an-awkward-moment-gay-sex
<p>That Europe’s campest pop contest will not be heading to Russia will please homophobes there – as 2015’s victor apologises for his own comments on gay sex</p><p>For Russia’s social conservatives, <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/may/24/sweden-wins-eurovision-song-contest">Saturday night’s Eurovision song contest</a> looked like a double victory of a curious sort. Firstly, their nation’s entry just lost out to Sweden, meaning the vastly camp extravaganza will not come to Moscow for 2016. Moreover, some reports had labelled the Swedish winner, M&aring;ns Zelmerl&ouml;w, a homophobe.</p><p>The truth, inevitably, is more complex.</p> <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/may/24/swedish-eurovision-win-spares-russian-conservatives-an-awkward-moment-gay-sex">Continue reading...</a>Eurovision 2015EurovisionLGBT rightsPop and rockMusicCultureTelevisionWorld newsTelevision & radioRussiaAustriaEuropeSun, 24 May 2015 15:55:05 GMThttp://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/may/24/swedish-eurovision-win-spares-russian-conservatives-an-awkward-moment-gay-sexPhotograph: Dieter Nagl/AFP/Getty ImagesBoos … Russia’s Polina Gagarina.Photograph: Dieter Nagl/AFP/Getty ImagesBoos … Russia’s Polina Gagarina.Photograph: Julian Stratenschulte/Julian Stratenschulte/dpa/CorbisPhotograph: Julian Stratenschulte/Julian Stratenschulte/dpa/CorbisPeter Walker2015-05-24T15:55:05ZSweden defeats Russia to grasp Eurovision song contest victoryhttp://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/may/24/sweden-wins-eurovision-song-contest
<p>Scandinavian nation picks up coveted trophy for sixth time after popular performance by Måns Zelmerlöw</p><p>Well, it wasn’t THAT bad, in the end, was it? Not quite, yet, Eurogeddon: that’s always threatening, of course, and seldom more so than last night, with hosts Austria, and their cloyingly sweet theme of “Building Bridges” – Vienna even changed its pedestrian traffic-lights to feature same-sex couples – threatening to turn every over-saccharined Eurocitizen into an instant and justifiably rabid xenophobe.</p><p>But that doesn’t really have to happen, does it, not with the current situation in Russia.</p><p> <span>Related: </span><a href="http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/gallery/2015/may/24/eurovision-song-contest-2015-in-pictures">Eurovision song contest 2015 – in pictures</a> </p> <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/may/24/sweden-wins-eurovision-song-contest">Continue reading...</a>EurovisionMusicEurovision 2015Television & radioCultureTelevisionEuropeWorld newsAustriaRussiaSwedenBBC1BBCTelevision industryMediaGraham NortonSat, 23 May 2015 23:57:50 GMThttp://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/may/24/sweden-wins-eurovision-song-contestPhotograph: Leonhard Foeger/ReutersMåns Zelmerlöw representing Sweden celebrates winning the final of the 60th annual Eurovision song contest in Vienna. Photograph: Leonhard Foeger/ReutersPhotograph: Leonhard Foeger/ReutersMåns Zelmerlöw representing Sweden celebrates winning the final of the 60th annual Eurovision song contest in Vienna. Photograph: Leonhard Foeger/ReutersEuan Ferguson2015-05-23T23:57:50ZEurovision song contest 2015 – in pictureshttp://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/gallery/2015/may/24/eurovision-song-contest-2015-in-pictures
<p>The continent’s most emotional performers give it their all in the grand final of Europe’s favourite song contest, hosted this year by Austria<br></p> <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/gallery/2015/may/24/eurovision-song-contest-2015-in-pictures">Continue reading...</a>EurovisionAustriaCultureMusicTelevisionSat, 23 May 2015 23:51:24 GMThttp://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/gallery/2015/may/24/eurovision-song-contest-2015-in-picturesPhotograph: Nigel Treblin/Getty ImagesPhotograph: Nigel Treblin/Getty ImagesMatthew Glynn2015-05-23T23:51:24ZEurovision Song Contest 2015 – as it happenedhttp://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/tvandradioblog/live/2015/may/23/eurovision-song-contest-2015-live-blog
<p>Would UK entry Electro Velvet fare better than our last duo Jemini, who got nul points in 2003? How did special guest Australia get on? Stuart Heritage was there for every last Eurovision second</p><p><a href="http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/may/25/eurovision-song-contest-time-for-brexit">Stuart Heritage: is it time for Eurovision Brexit?</a></p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:57:37.011+01:00">11.57pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>And now we are done. Sincerest congratulations to Sweden, and commiserations to all the other contestants, uniformly doomed as they are to become embedded YouTube clips in endless ‘What the hell was all that about’ Eurovision precursor articles a decade from now.</p><p>Now, while we go through our own individual post-Eurovision decompression routines – I don’t know about you, but mine involves putting my head into a metal bin and shouting ‘WHY?’ over and over again until I tumble into the comforting arms of unconsciousness – it’s time for me to thank you. Whoever you are, wherever you come from, I appreciate you hanging out with me this evening. If you want to follow me on Twitter, I’m <a href="http://www.twitter.com/stuheritage">@StuHeritage</a>, but it’s not like I’m going to cry myself to sleep if you don’t. Goodnight, thank you, and let’s all go and hang out in Sweden next year.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:56:51.128+01:00">11.56pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Time for one last congratulatory performance from Sweden now. Usually I’d skip this bit, but I’m sort of hoping that the cartoon (who I’ve really taken against) ends up choking on some confetti.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:54:50.815+01:00">11.54pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Now all that’s left for Sweden to do is go backstage with a strong coffee and a bucket of cold water to rouse its animated little boozehound from its stupor. It has to perform now. This is a big moment for it.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:53:10.434+01:00">11.53pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>So Sweden, which holds a long public consultation about its Eurovision act, is the winner of the 2015 Eurovision Song Contest. The UK, which let one bloke choose its song behind everyones’ back, is not. In short, I’d quite like someone from Sweden to adopt me please.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:50:58.953+01:00">11.50pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Oh, guys, I just realised that the Swedish guy is wearing leather trousers. This has been a horrible mistake. Quick, let’s do a recount.</p><p>But here is AUSTRALIA again:</p><p>‘Look at those pants!’ was also the Aussie room’s reaction to Sweden’s victory but really, well done, Sweden, you deserved our douze points. You’re Eurovision royalty ... and we are, well, <a href="http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/tv-and-radio/why-sbs-paid-for-guy-sebastian-to-be-in-eurovision-final-20150522-gh6wnl.html">we’re paid-for guests</a> if we’re honest.</p><p>So while top five finish isn’t Australia’s usual sporting result, we’ll take it.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:50:04.185+01:00">11.50pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>GEORGIA is the final country to give its votes. Austria and Germany end the contest with <em>nul points,</em> which is tremendously embarrassing. It’ll be interesting to see what happens tomorrow. On the plus side, I’ll never have to hear that sodding Birdseye Potato Waffle advert song again.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:48:16.212+01:00">11.48pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Fun fact: the Estonian woman made her necklace by hunting, killing and skinning six of those things from Avatar.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:47:16.123+01:00">11.47pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Oh, wait, and it also means that I don’t win my &pound;800. Hey, screw you Sweden (and by extension the rest of Europe and Australia).</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:46:32.662+01:00">11.46pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>And that country is Sweden! This means that I’m off to Sweden next year! And it means that next year’s competition will be full of annoying little cartoons! And it means that we’re about 20 years away from a VH1 Behind The Music show about the bitter fallout between the human singer and his alcoholic little pal!</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:43:25.333+01:00">11.43pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Sweden have pretty much got everyone licked now. It’ll take a miracle for them not to win now. Hooray for little animated drunks!</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:41:17.861+01:00">11.41pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Three points for the UK from San Marino. We’re now beating France. And Germany. And Austria. There’s a lesson here. I think that lesson is ‘Don’t be crap at Eurovision’.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:39:22.024+01:00">11.39pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>RUSSIA is getting booed a bit. Which isn’t really very good-natured of the crowd, but at least it’s fun watching the hosts try to stop themselves from wading into the audience and whacking them over the heads with her shoes.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:38:08.496+01:00">11.38pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Still no points for Austria. The moral of the evening is that, if you invite people to perform in your country, don’t make them twat about with fire.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:36:36.544+01:00">11.36pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Ten more countries to go, and it’s looking good for the Swedish guy and his alcoholic cartoon friend. </p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:35:44.481+01:00">11.35pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Sweden looks as if it might be extending its lead a little now. Hey, Swedish people! Invite me to your home next year! Unless you live in Russia, obviously, because that would be weird and counterproductive.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:33:59.573+01:00">11.33pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>NO BEARD, NIGELLA. But possibly the biggest cheer of the night. Hooray for Nigella. And she’s single-handedly wrestled the lead away from Russia and given it back to Sweden. <em>And</em> she spoke most of the languages in the world. Still, a job well done, even if it means that I have to Pritt-Stick the hair onto my back now.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:30:30.761+01:00">11.30pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>NIGELLA!</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:29:56.127+01:00">11.29pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>SOME OTHER COUNTRY NOW. God, I don’t care any more. Why isn’t this finished? How did I end up doing this tonight? Why didn’t Graham Norton say my name on the telly? Why is everything going so wrong in my life?</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:28:24.918+01:00">11.28pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>FYR MACEDONIA just tried singing Happy Birthday to Eurovision. Note to Nigella: do not try singing Happy Birthday to Eurovision.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:27:29.007+01:00">11.27pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>AUSTRIA votes. Russia is now 15 points ahead. We’re all going to Russia next year! Anyone? Hello?</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:26:18.845+01:00">11.26pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>AUSTRALIA GOES OFF ON AN UNNECESSARY TANGENT</p><p>Don’t be sour grapes, Stu. Why not enjoy this video of the Australian points presenter, Lee Lin Chin (one of our finest newsreaders) doing battle, Anchorman style, with the rest of the Aussie media?</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:25:04.298+01:00">11.25pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>CZECH REPUBLIC looks nice. In other news, we’re doing terribly at this, and so are all the other countries who didn’t take part in the semi-finals this year. Let’s do the semis next year, shall we? And also, you know, not enter a song that sounds like jazzy dental surgery.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:23:28.549+01:00">11.23pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>And now Other Host is talking to Sweden, who seems like a charming man. His cartoon friend is nowhere to be seen, though. Can’t think why *bottle-swig mime*.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:21:57.451+01:00">11.21pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Now Conchita’s backstage, sucking up to Russia because it looks like she’ll probably have to go there next year.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:20:51.708+01:00">11.20pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>And now AUSTRALIA gives their votes. Nothing for us. Nothing for Austria. Stupid Latvia, though, stealing my money by not winning. That’s how betting works, isn’t it? I’m not an expert.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:19:50.099+01:00">11.19pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>AUSTRALIA WRITES AGAIN</p><p>Full marks to Denmark and Switzerland for saying hello to us so nicely here in Aus - and also for giving us eight points apiece. It’s at this point, with Australia already at a healthy place in the tables, that we’d also like to lay claim to a part of Russia’s potential winning success ... A Million Voices was co-written by Katrina Noorbergen, an Aussie songwriter who, in the best tradition of our young people, has relocated to Europe.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:19:12.828+01:00">11.19pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>GERMANY now, presented by one of Brian Blessed from Flash Gordon’s amputated limbs. Russia’s walking away with this, I think.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:18:24.440+01:00">11.18pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>SWEDEN now, hosted by the letter V. Still no points for Austria. This is fun. Well, not fun. It’s a thing that happened. Look, I don’t exactly have a lot to work with here. </p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:16:57.569+01:00">11.16pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>IRELAND now. A huge cheer for them, because Ireland’s had a much better day than anyone else in Europe. We get a point from them. Two points! Woo! And 12 for LATVIA. Ireland, you never let me down.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:15:52.603+01:00">11.15pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>ARMENIA! Presented by a woman who appears to be farting water. She comes on, tells the hosts how pretty they are and just stands around in silence waiting for the compliment to be reciprocated. Her Eurovision game is strong.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:14:03.309+01:00">11.14pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>BELGIUM. No points for France or Germany either, but it’s tightening up between Russia and Sweden. In other news, I’ve run out of Haribo. Guys, I’m fading.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:12:25.542+01:00">11.12pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>SWITZERLAND now, and a woman who is literally dressed as a chandelier. Australia are fourth now. The UK is not.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:11:06.200+01:00">11.11pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Still no points for Poland, Germany or France. Or Austria, which is going to be pretty embarrassing for them.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:10:29.972+01:00">11.10pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>ESTONIA says hello. And then runs away, just as Portugal did. They’d better hold the line for Nigella. I didn’t shave my armpits for nothing.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:09:47.494+01:00">11.09pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>I wish I’d bothered to learn the names of the hosts this year. Just calling them The Host make me sound like a parasite. Which, you know, as a journalist I clearly am, but there’s no need to make it explicit.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:08:47.690+01:00">11.08pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>The host, having read my last update, has told me off for dissing Russia. Fine, I’ll go to Russia next year. Jeez.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:07:58.113+01:00">11.07pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>LATVIA now, presented by the world’s creepiest Butlins employee. Russia’s creeping into the lead here. Usually at this point I start casting around for people I know who’ll let me sleep in their house during next year’s contest. This year, perhaps not.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:06:24.134+01:00">11.06pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>AZERBAIJAN! The guy seems slightly appalled by his own people, because they gave points to Italy. Not another Azerbaijan/Italy war, please. I couldn’t stand it.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:04:42.857+01:00">11.04pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Here’s MOLDOVA, being hugely underdressed outside The Louvre. No points for France or Germany so far, I see.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:03:41.279+01:00">11.03pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>ALBANIA’s host is dressed as a high-vis Cbeebies presenter. Why’s he high-vis? I don’t know. Perhaps he works on the docks. I don’t have all the answers. Stop assuming that I do.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:02:38.927+01:00">11.02pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Australia is fifth at the moment, by the way. I can’t work out if that’s a good thing or not.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T23:01:34.131+01:00">11.01pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>ROMANIA has given points to Latvia. But not to the UK. Right now, the winner will definitely be either Sweden, Italy or Russia. The guy from BELARUS, meanwhile, is literally standing in the middle of the road.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:59:35.548+01:00">10.59pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>GREECE now. Did this woman sing at Eurovision too? In 2005? Oh, I don’t care. Italy and Sweden are still way out in front. The UK has one point. Let’s call it a pity point.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:58:11.208+01:00">10.58pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Now for FINLAND. Fun fact, I sometimes teach liveblogging, and I use this woman’s 2013 Eurovision performance as an example of stuff that’s really hard to liveblog. Actually, that wasn’t a fun fact at all, was it? It was barely even a fact. I’m sorry.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:56:53.748+01:00">10.56pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Now for MALTA. They’ve given us one point and Latvia four points. Italy get 12, and go into the lead. Nigella had better be wearing that beard.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:55:43.849+01:00">10.55pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>MONTENEGRO is first, land of several I Dream Of Jeannie tribute acts. Five points for Sweden, six points for Italy, no points for us and 12 points for Serbia. Nothing for Latvia, I see.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:54:28.342+01:00">10.54pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>And apparently one of the UK’s jury is the guy who does the Strictly Come Dancing music. We’re screwed, aren’t we?</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:53:21.062+01:00">10.53pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>I’m just embedding this because I want to create a terrible feedback loop of images.</p><p lang="en" dir="ltr">We're on <a href="https://twitter.com/stuheritage">@StuHeritage</a>'s Eurovision Guardian feed! Happier than that enthusiastic percussionist in the interval song. <a href="http://t.co/WQyjM6AC8l">pic.twitter.com/WQyjM6AC8l</a></p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:52:03.106+01:00">10.52pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>And now, some clips of people winning Eurovision. It is literally just a montage of people taking too long to walk to the stage, mumbling a couple of embarrassed platitudes and then slowly realising that they’re doomed to spend the rest of their lives as a pub quiz answer. That’s literally all it is.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:50:35.963+01:00">10.50pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>And that’s that bit over. What’s next? A woman in the green room, reeling off the dullest facts about the Eurovision green room possible. Behind her, everyone is waving a flag, Their eyes are all a picture of agony, but they cannot stop waving. If they stop waving, the host comes and slaps them. Forever they must wave. Forever and ever.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:48:28.507+01:00">10.48pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>And now, let’s meet the winner of the Junior Eurovision Song Contest. He’s only young, so we can’t be mean about him. Which is hard, to be honest. But on the plus side, at least he knows all the notes. We know he knows all the notes because he won’t stop singing them all at once forever.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:46:42.495+01:00">10.46pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Conchita is finished. “Why are you singing those songs?” the host asks her. Conchita says that she’s got an album out. This is just like the post-performance guest interview on X Factor. I’m waiting for Dermot O’Leary to run onstage, ask Conchita when she’s on tour next, then ignore her answer, then shove her offstage.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:44:35.900+01:00">10.44pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>There was a third song called Literally Just Watching Some Children Muck About With Crayons, but that one never made it past the demo stage.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:44:00.463+01:00">10.44pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>And now she’s singing another song called Firestorm. It’s one of two songs written about the treatment of the Eurovision acts in their pre-show VTs tonight. The other one is called Definite Imminent Drowning.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:42:31.373+01:00">10.42pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>And HERE’S CONCHITA! She’s singing her new song, which is based on her acceptance speech from last year’s Eurovision. It’s a good thing that she won it and I didn’t, otherwise I’d be up there singing a song called Suck It Jerks.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:40:52.191+01:00">10.40pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>The voting has now closed. You cannot vote now, but thanks for voting for Latvia anyway.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:39:54.783+01:00">10.39pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>FINE, Graham Norton. Watch me never namecheck you when I’m liveblogging the fourth live X Factor final if that’s the way you’re going to behave.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:38:29.962+01:00">10.38pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Incidentally, spare a thought for these poor fools. Nobody deserves this. Nobody. </p><p lang="en" dir="ltr">We have <a href="https://twitter.com/stuheritage">@StuHeritage</a>'s Guardian live tweets up on a bigger screen than <a href="https://twitter.com/bbceurovision">@BBCEurovision</a>. Oh, the world we live in. <a href="http://t.co/GqFr6lA0dP">pic.twitter.com/GqFr6lA0dP</a></p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:37:12.665+01:00">10.37pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>While this recap plays out, Graham Norton is literally listing every single person watching this broadcast one by one. Is he mentioning me, though? Is he bollocks. I don’t pay my license fee to be IGNORED, Graham.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:34:30.942+01:00">10.34pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Well, it’s finished. What’s next? Oh, another recap. How brilliant. I swear to god, I’m about three seconds away from Periscoping a video of myself shaving my own back.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:33:17.238+01:00">10.33pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Now there’s a middle-aged man leaping about in front of everyone, trying to rouse the audience into displaying something that even vaguely resembles enthusiasm. But he cannot, because they’ve been there for five hours and that whole thing was the aural equivalent of suffocating yourself with a hospital pillow.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:30:59.442+01:00">10.30pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>This is a true story: a couple of years ago I went to Vienna with my wife. We were walking back to our hotel and, because hardly anyone lives in Vienna, the streets were deserted. But, on the breeze, we heard music that sounded a lot like this from an open-air performance a few hundred yards away. Right then it felt truly magical, like the sort of thing that only happens once or twice in your life.</p><p>Right now, though, I’m sitting on my own in the dark, covered in bits of Haribo writing this for money and it’s RUBBISH. SHUT UP YOU BIG DRUM IDIOTS. SHUT UP.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:27:14.198+01:00">10.27pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>You know what this sounds like, actually? It sounds like when you’re stuck in a cinema after the film’s finished because you dropped a glove that you can’t find, and this is the third piece of music that plays during the credits. You’re looking for a glove, all the cinema workers are giving you dirty looks because they want to start clearing up, and this music is playing.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:25:40.527+01:00">10.25pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>So this, essentially is like The ghost of Steve Jobs cloned himself and decided to alert planet Earth to an impending disaster, a bit like Matthew McConaughey did in Interstellar, but with a really annoying freeform vibraphone solo instead of bits of dust. And somehow, this is much worse.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:23:29.979+01:00">10.23pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Now that the genuinely tedious recap is over, it’s time for the interval performance. Oh good christ it’s going to be a 20-minute drum solo. Someone kill me.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:22:02.419+01:00">10.22pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p><strong>AUSTRALIA WRITES:</strong></p><p>So Australia is not ashamed ... nor are we quite in the pub, Stu. That was just bravado on our parts. But we are in our pyjamas and thongs – that’s flip flops to you, UK – with a strong cup of tea (ahem, coffee) in our hands.</p><p lang="fr" dir="ltr">C'mon Aussie. <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/SBSEurovision?src=hash">#SBSEurovision</a> pic via <a href="https://twitter.com/BlinkTVco">@BlinkTVco</a> <a href="http://t.co/9WWnvnmNoD">pic.twitter.com/9WWnvnmNoD</a></p><p>And our Guy did well, didn’t he? He promised to wear a hat. We got a hat. He said “no flying kangaroos”. And there were none. Sadly, Katy Perry’s sharks at Super Bowl didn’t give us much wriggle room when it came to Vienna.</p><p>But we still confess to a burst of Aussie pride during him do his thing (seriously, can we have Tonight Again) and reading the adoring Tweets. </p><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Guy Sebastian killed it. Awesome. <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/AUS?src=hash">#AUS</a> <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/Eurovision?src=hash">#Eurovision</a></p><p>Fun fact: apparently Guy got pumped up before his performance by watching the fight scene from Rocky IV. And didn’t it just show in the nu-soul funk on stage?</p><p>Guy himself tweets there’s “such a positive vibe in the room”. Guy uses the word “vibe” a lot, but that still counts for something doesn’t it? Let’s just hope the votes do, too.</p><p lang="en" dir="ltr">The phrase &quot;music brings people together&quot; doesn't get much more literal than this. Such a great positive vibe in the room. <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/ESC2015?src=hash">#ESC2015</a></p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:18:31.528+01:00">10.18pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Oh god. It took ages for me to think up that acronym, and we’re still only halfway through the recap. This is never going to end, is it? Never ever.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:17:03.182+01:00">10.17pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>You may now vote for anyone you like. Anyone. Vote for anyone you like.</p><p><strong>L</strong>ook<br /><strong>A</strong>bout now it’s<br /><strong>T</strong>ime that you<br /><strong>V</strong>ampires picked up the phone<br /><strong>I</strong> am adamant that this is what you should do<br /><strong>A</strong>ctually.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:14:44.642+01:00">10.14pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Which means you’d better brace yourself for about 400 years of padding. And/or speed-couriering of bodyhair to Broadcasting House.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:13:24.927+01:00">10.13pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>And that’s the end of Eurovision. BYE THEN.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:12:48.700+01:00">10.12pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>I’ve just worked out what this performance reminds me of. It’s the bit in The Devil’s Advocate where Al Pacino turns into Satan.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:11:58.627+01:00">10.11pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Now, this lot would win Britain’s Got Talent. Suck it, Sweden.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:11:41.627+01:00">10.11pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Right, I’m not entirely sure what’s going on here. From what I can tell, Italy found the DNA of a vaguely anonymous boyband member trapped in amber and cloned it in a disastrous Jurassic Park-style mangling of God’s will to produce this band. No wonder they all look so bloody anguished.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:10:18.496+01:00">10.10pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>THE LAST SONG! It’s <strong>Italy: Il Volo, Grande amore. </strong>No fire. What a massive bloody anticlimax.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:09:16.939+01:00">10.09pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Remember, it’s not too late to get in touch with Nigella Lawson and convince her to read out the UK scores in a Conchita beard. If she doesn’t have a beard, she just needs to say. I’m pretty sure I can shave off the vast majority of my body hair, stuff it into a jiffy bag and get it couriered over to her if she needs it.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:07:11.203+01:00">10.07pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Well, this is lovely. I haven’t quite been able to catch all of the lyrics, but from what I’ve heard it’s almost definitely the loveliest song about botched vivisection that I’ve ever heard. Full marks, Albania.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:06:25.100+01:00">10.06pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Now for <strong>Albania: Elhaida Dani, I’m Alive.</strong> It’s the penultimate song! She’s playing with dangerous machinery in the VT. All I’m really taking from tonight is that I’m going to buy a crapload of travel insurance next time I go to Austria.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:05:00.995+01:00">10.05pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>OK, there’s 143 million people in Russia. So a million voices represents an overwhelming minority of voices. This song would be better off being called 142 Million Apathetic Silences.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:03:42.804+01:00">10.03pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>This song seems to be about a million voices all coming together to call for peace. Hang on, let me do some maths...</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:03:16.281+01:00">10.03pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>I think this dress might be our first legitimate fire hazard of the night. Thanks Polina Gagarina, and thanks to whoever wired your dress up like a Habitat showroom.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:02:18.249+01:00">10.02pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p><strong>Russia: Polina Gagarina, A Million Voices </strong>now. She’s just looking at some crystals in the VT. Presumably they ran out of video just before some Austrians attacked her with a barrage of flaming arrows.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T22:01:02.316+01:00">10.01pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Incidentally, the hour of the wolf is 3pm-4pm. It used to be later than that, but Dracula wanted to swap his hour out because he had to go and pick his kids up from school.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:59:22.695+01:00">9.59pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Also, is this a song about how much Elnur wants to have sex with a wolf? Because he should know that that’s illegal in many parts of continental Europe. I know this from bitter experience.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:59:00.118+01:00">9.59pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>First, it’s important to point out that those aren’t actually wolves that Elnur is dancing around with; they’re respectively Sia and Max Headroom.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:58:00.860+01:00">9.58pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Right, we’re almost done. <strong>Azerbaijan: Elnur H&uuml;seynov, Hour of the Wolf</strong> now. He’s combining fire and boats. Genuinely, one of the remaining acts is going to get full-on stabbed in their VT.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:56:58.143+01:00">9.56pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Very strong Golden Age of TV theme this year, isn’t there? This woman is the third act to look a bit Games Of Thronesy, and there was that Heisenberg guy earlier. I hope this means that the next singer is done up like Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt or, I dunno, Alfie Moon. </p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:55:27.098+01:00">9.55pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Seriously, we should probably just let her win; partly because she’s definitely going to kick off in a big way if she doesn’t, but mainly because if someone wins now I get to go to bed.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:54:50.776+01:00">9.54pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Oh THANK GOD for Georgia. This is exactly what this song contest needs – a woman expressing her dual loves of Jessie J and The Crow in the most berserk way possible. This woman is TERRIFYING.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:53:59.050+01:00">9.53pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Now! <strong>Georgia: Nina Sublatti, Warrior. </strong>In the meantime, I just heard from Australia. They just woke up. They slept through the show. This is not the first time I’ve been jealous of an Australian.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:52:40.491+01:00">9.52pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>They just rhymed ‘dissent’ with ‘punishment’. This song is so abjectly dull that the crowd just clapped a picture of a tree. A PICTURE OF A TREE. I’m starting to miss that nimrod who set his piano on fire.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:51:39.086+01:00">9.51pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Subtle allegories clearly aren’t Hungary’s thing, because this song is called Wars For Nothing and there’s a knot of barbed wire in the background and the whole thing’s so heavyhanded that it’s like listening to a musical adaptation of a Bansky picture. </p><p>Still, thanks for convincing me that war is bad, Boggie. I didn’t know that before.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:50:04.642+01:00">9.50pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Next: <strong>Hungary: Boggie, Wars for Nothing.</strong> She is LITERALLY STANDING IN A FIRE. Austria just wants to kill people, that seems to be the key take-home message from tonight.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:49:06.725+01:00">9.49pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Question: is this the dullest Eurovision Song Contest in living memory? I’m mainlining Haribo here, just to stay awake. Someone liven it up, for God’s sake. Or, at the very least, get Graham Norton to say my name on the telly. “Stuart Heritage, sitting at home by himself, in the dark”, he should say. And I would be happy.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:47:08.768+01:00">9.47pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>This is more like it. This is classic Eurovision. I don’t know if you’re playing the drinking game at home but, if you are, this woman is shouting into a wind machine so hard that you should all get mildly wasted. Extra points for her fruitless attempts to X-Men the audience away from her with her hands, too.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:45:37.863+01:00">9.45pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>And now <strong>Spain: Edurne, Amanecer. </strong>She’s being attacked by dogs, I think.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:45:11.659+01:00">9.45pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>The song ended with the singer going “Don’t leave the children behind”. And then they cut to a kid waving frantically. He’s totally been left behind.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:44:28.141+01:00">9.44pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>“You will be the reason to start all over again” this song goes. FYI, if they do start this song all over again, I’m taking none of the blame. None of it.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:43:58.799+01:00">9.43pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>This song’s a bit of a downer. A PREDICTION: in the aftershow party, this singer will gravitate towards the French woman, and everyone else will clear off.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:42:52.572+01:00">9.42pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>I’m no expert, but I’d guess that Voltaj is Romanian for Heisenberg And His Dad Band, because that’s exactly what this is. It’s Coldplay, basically, except there’s a 55-year-old man in a baseball cap.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:41:53.481+01:00">9.41pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Song 20! <strong>Romania: Voltaj, De la capăt. </strong>They’re mucking about with horses. I bet, before the evening is done, we’ll see an act pogo through a minefield. That’s how dangerous these pursuits are.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:39:23.136+01:00">9.39pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>This is such a good song, isn’t it? You should all vote for it. For no reason. Ahem.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:38:25.660+01:00">9.38pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Listen, don’t call a song Love Injected. You may as well just call it Giant Tatty Penis, because that’s what you’re all making us think of. That’s my only complaint about this song, though, because it is TREMENDOUS. It sounds like nothing else this evening. It’s a song I’d listen to outside the boundaries of a contractually obligated liveblog. I really, really want it to win.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:37:12.683+01:00">9.37pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>OK! Now for <strong>Latvia: Aminata, Love Injected.</strong> Remember that bet I said I placed this year? Me too.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:36:31.706+01:00">9.36pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Ah, this isn’t actually too bad. There’s a heartbreak scene in an early-1990s rom-com that’s crying out to be soundtracked by this, for example. Oh, phew, it’s finished.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:34:57.999+01:00">9.34pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>This is an especially dull ballad, performed by a woman in a wheelchair. Now, this probably speaks to how tacky Eurovision is, but I’m slightly worried that she’ll mark a keychange by rising from the wheelchair in a demonstration of the transformative power of music. I realise this is a horribly cynical thing to think. But if it happens, I’m abandoning the liveblog.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:33:25.177+01:00">9.33pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Now! <strong>Poland: Monika Kuszyńska, In the Name of Love.</strong> She’s making a cake. A lovely cake.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:32:37.704+01:00">9.32pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>If you want to recreate this performance at hime, by the way, you’ll need access to the Made.com lighting warehouse and an in correct memory of the Catherine Zeta Jones robbery scene from that film she was in. I forget which one. </p><p>Look, it doesn’t matter, you’re not going to recreate this performance at home, are you? Because why would you? You might as well spend and evening driving staples into the soles of your feet.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:30:09.551+01:00">9.30pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Germany has really gone over and above this year, by which I mean it’s reanimated the corpse of Amy Winehouse and made her sing a song about the baddie from Lost. I mean, it’s called Black Smoke. What else could it be about?</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:29:10.273+01:00">9.29pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Now! <strong>Germany: Ann Sophie, Black Smoke.</strong></p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:28:55.681+01:00">9.28pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>“Is black slimming?” asked Knez. “Sure” his advisors replied. “What about shiny leather lapels?” he asked. “Um, we’ll have to look that up” his advisors replied. “Actually, scrap that, I’m just drawing a moustache on with a Sharpie” he said. His advisors all resigned.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:26:36.422+01:00">9.26pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Still, it’s nice to see Montenegro giving work to Mickey Rourke. I’ve been worried about him too.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:26:01.719+01:00">9.26pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Well, so far this is just a load of Scottish Widows doing interpretive dance in the sea. If I stop paying attention to this performance, it’s because I’ve become overwhelmingly preoccupied with the prospect of them all getting electrocuted.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:25:20.474+01:00">9.25pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Now <strong>Montenegro: Knez, Adio. </strong>He’s fishing. There’s a lot of water in Austria, we get it. Stop showing off about all your water, Austria.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:24:34.388+01:00">9.24pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Hey Greece, Celine Dion called. She doesn’t want her song back, though. She’s just asking for a pizza. I think she misdialled. It sounds like she’s crying. I’m worried about Celine Dion.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:23:10.353+01:00">9.23pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>“All I have is one last breath” she’s singing. God, imagine how hard she’s going to kick herself when she realises that she’s wasted it on this cack.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:22:36.229+01:00">9.22pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Lady, either your diction is all over the place or this song is a meditation on how to treat sores with gongs. Either way, you look a bit like Shakira and you’ve proven your competency at shouting into windtunnels. So I guess there’s <em>that</em>.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:21:25.669+01:00">9.21pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>The next one is <strong>Greece: Maria Elena Kyriakou, One Last Breath. </strong>In the VT, she watches some kids do some colouring in. Europe really isn’t happy with Greece, is it?</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:20:37.398+01:00">9.20pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Ooh, a throwback to Sebastian Tellier’s 2008 performance. That was the last Eurovision song I truly enjoyed. Every one just then has just hastened my spiritual death. Even this next one. Especially the next one.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:19:13.090+01:00">9.19pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Back to the backstage area, which tonight has been themed on the intergalactic parliament from The Phantom Menace.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:17:56.608+01:00">9.17pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>I just tried it. I can’t. Sorry for getting your hopes up, Europe.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:17:39.788+01:00">9.17pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Oh wow. The singer just flicked his hand and his piano caught fire. What a neat trick. I wonder if I can do the same thing with his vocal chords.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:16:24.447+01:00">9.16pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Bloody hell Austria, I know that the Eurovision Song Contest is expensive to host, but you don’t have to deliberately scupper your chances by basically entering Keane. At least the singer has a beard, which is vaguely Conchitaish. But that aside, this is like watching Kasabian’s dads have a knees-up in a Dignitas clinic. It’s like Radio 2 grew arms and legs and went on the rampage. No.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:15:19.716+01:00">9.15pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Now for the home country. It’s <strong>Austria: The Makemakes, I Am Yours.</strong> They’re doing a Tough Mudder in the VT. Weirdos.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:13:41.113+01:00">9.13pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>This appears to be a song about what’d happen if we all died tomorrow. I don’t know about anyone else, but I’d crawl to the nearest possible reflective surface and use my dying breath to loudly berate myself for liveblogging Eurovision for a living.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:12:28.449+01:00">9.12pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>A brave move by Belgium here. Not because it’s entered an ostensibly quite minimal song, but because the backing singers are clad from head to toe in unblemished white. Seriously, one mistimed hotdog bite and the whole shebang would have been utterly derailed.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:11:20.149+01:00">9.11pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>I think we’re almost halfway through now. Here’s <strong>Belgium: Lo&iuml;c Nottet, Rhythm Inside. </strong>In other news, what do I have to do to get Graham Norton to read my name out on the telly?</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:09:57.443+01:00">9.09pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Also, can someone inform the International Olly Murs Manufacturing Plant that the Australian strain has escaped and gained the ability to cross borders. Please stop him, for the sake of mankind.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:08:36.313+01:00">9.08pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Actually, you might win. Because this is pretty good, isn’t it? It’s a bit Tonight On ITV Be, but it doesn’t actively make me hate all music, which is about the best we can hope from these things.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:08:17.083+01:00">9.08pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Still, OK, Australia, we’ve let you become part of Europe for the night. Best case scenario, you’ll win. Worst case scenario, you’ll stay here long enough to grow a mullet and develop a thing for double denim. </p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:07:18.773+01:00">9.07pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Song 12! <strong>Australia: Guy Sebastian, Tonight Again! </strong>Please, feel free to make your dimwitted ‘Bur, Australia isn’t in Europe’ jokes now.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:05:49.564+01:00">9.05pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Oh, now I feel bad. This isn’t actually a bad song. I mean, I’d never buy it or listen to it or spend any amount of time thinking about it, but it’s not <em>that</em> bad.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:05:04.214+01:00">9.05pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>A third thing you should have done? You should have avoided looking so much like the host of the Canadian food programme You Gotta Eat Here. Hope that all helps, John.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:04:33.280+01:00">9.04pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>And I’ll tell you another thing you should have done. You should have reconsidered switching from black and white to colour midway through the song like that, because it comes off like you’ve remade The Wizard of Oz about the magical adventures of a boring singer with a rubbish song.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:03:50.905+01:00">9.03pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>I’ll tell you one thing you should have done, John. You should have written a better song.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:03:16.537+01:00">9.03pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Now for <strong>Cyprus: John Karayiannis, One Thing I Should Have Done. </strong>He’s paddleboarding. Again, a pursuit rife with danger. I don’t think I can ever go to Austria again.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:01:21.302+01:00">9.01pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>This is totally going to win. So thank god it’s on Eurovision and not Britain’s Got Talent, because it’d probably never get past the live semi-finals there.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T21:00:45.283+01:00">9.00pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Obviously Sweden is going to win tonight, because this song is so muscular and self-assured that it makes mincemeat of almost everything else. However, I have two qualms: first, the singer looks a bit like BBC Three’s Russell Howard. Second, by dancing around with a cartoon like that, he reminds me of Paula Abdul and MC Skat Kat’s Opposites Attract video, and anything that forces me to rely on lazy nostalgia as a commentary device certainly deserves to be penalised.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:59:04.336+01:00">8.59pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Now: <strong>Sweden: M&aring;ns Zelmerl&ouml;w, Heroes. </strong>Spoiler alert, it’s probably going to win. In the VT, he wears a spacesuit because, as we all know, oxygen is a scarce resource in Austria.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:58:10.870+01:00">8.58pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Now for a quick break, where the judges go and hang out with the audience. Nothing of note happens. You’re welcome.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:56:29.249+01:00">8.56pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>This song is called A Monster Like Me. These singers are definitely monsters. The sort of monsters who over-emote and are massively into musical theatre. The worst kind of monsters, basically. Worse than Draculas.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:55:45.713+01:00">8.55pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>This song is about a terrible thing that the singer did as a child. I know a teacher who once caught a toddler pushing Lego up his bum. I wonder if that’s what this guy did. That’s pretty terrible, after all.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:54:21.155+01:00">8.54pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Next: <strong>Norway: M&oslash;rland &amp; Debrah Scarlett, A Monster Like Me. </strong>They’re being cheered for rowing a boat. I can row a boat. Nobody ever cheered me for it. This, frankly, is an outrage.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:53:14.336+01:00">8.53pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>I just checked Twitter, and everyone’s going mad for this song. The motto seems to be that the best way to get what you want is to yell at people. Thanks Serbia!</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:52:11.834+01:00">8.52pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Actually, WHAT THE HELL? Let me retract that. She isn’t just shouting. She’s making a noise like she’s being flung around the engine room of a capsizing liner in a tropical storm. What a weird noise. Serbia, what exactly have you unleashed here?</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:51:15.728+01:00">8.51pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Serbia has submitted a song about the universal truth found in beauty, which makes me slightly worried that it’s actually a Nivea commercial in disguise, but whatever. Anyway, if you’re keeping count, there’s a woman shouting into a wind machine.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:49:52.365+01:00">8.49pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Now it’s <strong>Serbia: Bojana Stamenov, Beauty Never Lies.</strong></p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:49:30.817+01:00">8.49pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>‘Put your hands in the air if you’re feeling the love’ the guy said. I didn’t put my hand in the air, because I’m busy liveblogging. Also I AM ABSOLUTELY NOT FEELING THE LOVE.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:48:19.238+01:00">8.48pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>They just kissed. Someone inform the International Same Difference Manufacturing Plant that the Lithuanian strain has escaped and started to breed. Please stop them, for the sake of mankind.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:47:22.361+01:00">8.47pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>This is already off-putting. It’s like watching a Monsoon catalogue go busking with the Zara clearance rail. The lyrics seem to be nothing but “I’m feeling love round and round in my heart”, which is something I can relate to, but only if you change the word ‘love’ to the word ‘cholesterol’.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:46:00.005+01:00">8.46pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Next: <strong>Lithuania: Monika Linkytė &amp; Vaidas Baumila, This Time.</strong> They’re bungee jumping. These Austrians are a properly devious bunch, aren’t they?</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:45:11.872+01:00">8.45pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Good lord, I think I might actually be watching some sort of globally-broadcast wiccan spell. No. No. No. No. No. NO. No.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:43:28.108+01:00">8.43pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>No. I do not like this. This is barely even a song. It’s like the opening number of a shortlived West End musical called Gust! or Dazzle! or Plep! or Blort! It’s like a load of grim reapers decided to make a Polyphonic Spree tribute band. No. <em>No</em>.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:42:20.354+01:00">8.42pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Now: <strong>Armenia: Genealogy, Face the Shadow. </strong>In the VT, they’re all eating candyfloss. Again, a deliberate attempt to force them into a self-hobbling sugar crash. Nice try, Austria, but I’m wise to you.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:41:05.490+01:00">8.41pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>This is still a bad song, and far too long, but on the plus side you have to give these performers full marks for not accidentally going into autopilot and factoring ‘They’re waffley versatile’ into the lyrics.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:39:56.180+01:00">8.39pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>You know how sometimes The Asylum makes knock-off versions of current films in the hope that they can trick idiots into buying them? This is like The Asylum’s version of The Great Gatsby. The Adequate Gitsby, if you will.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:38:52.998+01:00">8.38pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>There is a chance that I may have been a little bit too mean about this song, which I said I hated when I first heard it. I still hate it but, now that I’ve heard the dirge that passes for most of the other songs this year, it doesn’t seem quite as bad as I thought. Plus it totally sounds like the Birdseye Potato Waffles advert, which never hurts.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:37:51.809+01:00">8.37pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Now the moment you’ve all been waiting for: <strong>United Kingdom: Electro Velvet, Still in Love with You.</strong> In the VT, they get to play with drones. I assume this is to give them the illusion of control.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:37:06.569+01:00">8.37pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>“Why didn’t you wake me up? I’m pretty sure I would have told you to stop”. Those are actual lyrics and excuse me I have to go and scrub my mind and brain with disinfectant-soaked wire wool.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:36:19.934+01:00">8.36pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>This is a duet. There’s a woman who looks furious at her partner, possibly because it looks like he’s turned up for his date wearing a novelty One Direction wig.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:35:03.376+01:00">8.35pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>As has become traditional in these liveblogs, I’m about to betray my natural bias for Estonia by saying that this is one of the best songs so far. It’s like the theme for a James Bond film and not a Duffy B-side like you think. Hooray for Estonia!</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:33:57.195+01:00">8.33pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Who’s next? <strong>Estonia: Elina Born &amp; Stig R&auml;sta, Goodbye to Yesterday. </strong>In a word, skateboards.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:33:30.877+01:00">8.33pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>“If that doesn’t put a smile on your face, you are dead inside” said Graham Norton, as the camera cut to someone looking like they were trying to work out an especially painful poo.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:32:43.097+01:00">8.32pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>I wish he was the King of Shut Up.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:32:29.766+01:00">8.32pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Also, he just said “Do you like my dancing?” and then wiggled his pelvis at nothing, like he was humping a ghost. Never trust a ghost-humper, that’s my motto and it’s served me well so far.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:32:08.810+01:00">8.32pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Did he just call himself ‘The King of Fun?’ Because I’m not sure I can really get behind a man who thinks that novelty footwear is the epitome of good vibes.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:30:41.648+01:00">8.30pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Mate, what are you wearing on your feet? You’re not Iron Man, you know. You’re essentially a Poundland Michael Buble. This, for those of you not watching, is genuinely dreadful. It’s like watching the death-throes of a 1990s boyband. </p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:29:44.974+01:00">8.29pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Next: <strong>Israel: Nadav Guedj, Golden Boy. </strong>In the VT, Nadav opens a box and then graffitis a cable car with some sort of intimidating KKK Batman figure.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:28:38.564+01:00">8.28pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Lisa’s singing in front of an unbroken shot of rubble, which is probably the perfect visual metaphor for this song. I’m not one to talk, but I think that France might have got the Eurovision Song Contest mixed up with the Woman You’d Least Like To Be Trapped In A Lift With Contest. Which she’d win by a MILE, by the way.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:27:07.695+01:00">8.27pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Good old France. When the chips are down, you can always count on them to drag a sad lass onstage and make her act all glum. The title of this song translates to ‘Don’t Forget’, which seems like a stretch since this sounds like everyone’s third-favourite Ewan the Dream Sheep preset.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:26:02.902+01:00">8.26pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Next: <strong>France: Lisa Angell, N’oubliez pas. </strong>In her VT, she has her makeup done and then hangs out with some taxidermy. This is a deliberately creepy effort on Austria’s part to undermine the competition, I guarantee it.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:24:40.339+01:00">8.24pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Wind machine. Do drink up.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:24:16.192+01:00">8.24pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>This is just a hunch, but I’d guess that Maraaya’s headphones are playing a loop of positive affirmations. ‘Just get through tonight, Maraaya’ they’re saying. ‘You’re better than this, and everyone know it’ they’re saying. ‘And don’t forget, you’ve got a lively bit of fish in the oven when you get home’ they’re saying.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:23:03.137+01:00">8.23pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Maraaya, pick a look. You can either be dressed as a bride or dressed as someone with an unhealthy obsession with Jennifer Lopez’s Play video. You can’t do both. Also, pick a backing performer. You can either have a violinist or a dancer. Having a dancer who mimes playing the violin is both greedy and weird.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:21:55.223+01:00">8.21pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Here we go. The first act is <strong>Slovenia: Maraaya, Here For You</strong>. I missed the introductory VT, but it looked like it involved spinning around. Hope that helps.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:20:37.428+01:00">8.20pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>The middle host just announced that Eurovision is being broadcast live in China, and the two hosts either size of her just pulled the sort of triumphant faces that douchebags in deodorant adverts do whenever hot girls look at them. You know the face. It’s a kind of facial fist-pump. You know the face I’m talking about. I’m bored already. Can you tell?</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:18:20.369+01:00">8.18pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Eurovision. Bringing people together via the power of that one editing trick from that one Facebook video that your dad keeps showing you.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:17:15.663+01:00">8.17pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Good news, everyone. There’s already another film. This one’s about the glorious power of social media. To reinforce this, I just checked Twitter and it’s just a load of people going ‘JESUS THIS IS BORING I AM DRUNK LOL PLS RT’.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:16:03.557+01:00">8.16pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>It’s too tiny. Imagine if there’d been a stage that size a few years ago. It would have never contained the unstoppable charisma of Andy Abraham.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:15:08.065+01:00">8.15pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Man alive, that stage looks tiny. </p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:14:46.629+01:00">8.14pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Right, that’s it. Goodnight everyone!</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:14:26.979+01:00">8.14pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>I was wrong. This isn’t like the Olympic opening ceremony. It’s like the first part of Take Me Out. A version of Take Me Out where nobody ever finds happiness and spends all of their dates despairingly look out into the middle-distance, admittedly, but Take Me Out nonetheless.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:12:22.522+01:00">8.12pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Oh no. No no. You don’t need to do an Olympics-style opening ceremony where all the acts get hauled on one-by one. Life is precious, guys, and time is short. Every time we’re watching a Norwegian singer stroll through an auditorium is time we don’t get to spend with our children. </p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:10:58.901+01:00">8.10pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>And now, a guy in a hat who I already hate. He’s like a one-man super-budget LMFAO tribute act. But one that you dreamed about after eating too much soft cheese on a rollercoaster. Tl;dr not a fan.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:09:46.603+01:00">8.09pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>And the Vienna Boys’ Choir. Or at least the members of the Vienna Boys’ Choir who can open their mouths the widest, because I feel like I’ve just undergone a brief dentistry course.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:08:40.444+01:00">8.08pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>And now last year’s winner Conchita Wurst is performing a song. But only a bit of it, because here comes tonight’s hosts. They’re three women and, from what I can tell, they all possess a basic level of functional competency when it comes to miming.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:06:21.658+01:00">8.06pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>OK, the show’s on the road. There’s a woman with a violin and a golfball on a bit of string. It’s this dizzying level of production values that makes the Eurovision Song Contest such a global draw time and time again.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:05:20.402+01:00">8.05pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>This is absolutely the longest opening montage VT I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Which is exciting, really, because if Eurovision needs anything it’s unnecessary padding.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:03:24.080+01:00">8.03pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Tonight’s themes, apparently, are ‘bridges’ and ‘circles’. This follows last year, of course, which had the themes ‘carpeting’ and ‘open sores’. </p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:01:50.931+01:00">8.01pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Ooh, I’ve been to this part of Vienna. Vienna is nice. Actually, why aren’t I in Vienna now? This is a ridiculous oversight. </p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T20:00:47.373+01:00">8.00pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Ooh, Eurovision starts with a swanky BBC Music ident now. I mean, technically speaking, ‘Music’ probably should have been in inverted commas, but whatever.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T19:59:18.060+01:00">7.59pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>And now, ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for the 2015 Eurovision Song Contest. Good luck everyone. Dig deep.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T19:50:45.212+01:00">7.50pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Also on BBC One, a National Lottery musical act that appears to be an abandoned Olly Murs prototype. I have a feeling that this is a deliberate ploy on the part of the BBC to make the rest of the evening seem more palatable in comparison.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T19:49:10.740+01:00">7.49pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Meanwhile on BBC One: Nick Knowles is presenting a celebrity gameshow while wearing a suit that makes him look as if he’s riddled with glittery psoriasis. Guys, I think tonight might have already peaked.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T19:45:20.491+01:00">7.45pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Oh, christ, I forgot to do a drinking game this year. How about this - drink whenever:</p><p>*A woman screams into a wind machine</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T19:38:20.769+01:00">7.38pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Also, just to keep things interesting tonight – and to make sure that I don’t drift off during the voting section like I normally do – I’ve decided to place an actual monetary bet on one of the acts tonight. I won’t tell you who, or how much I’ve bet, but I will say that I stand to win &pound;800 from it. So if my ship comes in, I’m basically just going to just abandon this liveblog and immediately go on a first-class round-the-world cruise. They cost &pound;800, right?</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T19:29:50.229+01:00">7.29pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Before things get going, you know what you should do? You should <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/quiz/2015/apr/02/eurovision-song-contest-quiz-60th-anniversary">take this Eurovision quiz</a> I co-wrote, and then hang your head in shame because you got none of them right because I’m so much better at Eurovision than you. That’s what you should do.</p><p class="block-time published-time"> <time datetime="2015-05-23T19:25:44.207+01:00">7.25pm <span class="timezone">BST</span></time> </p><p>Hello, bon soir, accoglienza, vorsicht and lo siento – it’s The Guardian’s annual Eurovision liveblog!</p><p>For many of you, your entire year has steadily been building up to this moment; after all, Eurovision is the one night of the year when too many countries get to spend too much time performing too many songs, before the same amount of time is given over to the intricacies of a bone-dry continent-wide numerical scoring system. Basically, it’s Christmas.</p> <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/tvandradioblog/live/2015/may/23/eurovision-song-contest-2015-live-blog">Continue reading...</a>Eurovision 2015EurovisionTelevision & radioTelevisionCultureMusicPop and rockSat, 23 May 2015 22:57:37 GMThttp://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/tvandradioblog/live/2015/may/23/eurovision-song-contest-2015-live-blogPhotograph: EurovisionPhotograph: EurovisionStuart Heritage2015-05-23T22:57:37Z60 Years of Eurovision review – ghastly songs but good valuehttp://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/may/23/60-years-of-eurovision-review-bbc4
The songs are ghastly, but 90 minutes of documentary on the ‘most nerve-racking and trouser-cacking’ moments of Eurovision is laced with history and flashbacks – from Norton to Bardot to Gainsbourg<p>It sounds like the ultimate punishment. The courtroom falls silent, the judge puts on his black cap, looks you in the eye, over his half-moon specs. I sentence you to … <strong>60 Years of Eurovision </strong>(BBC4). <em>Nooooo</em>! I’ll take solitary, the gulag, hard labour, Guant&aacute;namo, the gallows even … anything but 60 Years of Eurovision.</p><p>Actually, 90 minutes of documentary about it turns out to be a lot of fun. The&nbsp;songs might, with a few exceptions, range from forgettable to ghastly, but here they are interwoven with what was going on in Europe at the time – Franco’s Spain, the Troubles in Northern Ireland, the fall of the communism and the Berlin Wall, Iraq and Blair, Israel etc. You could even come away thinking <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/eurovision-2015" title="">the Eurovision Song Contest</a> played its own part in European history after the second world war. After all, the break-up of Yugoslavia happened because of Eurovision, right?</p><p> <span>Related: </span><a href="http://www.theguardian.com/music/musicblog/2015/may/20/the-eurovision-song-contest-10-of-the-best-abba-conchita-wurst">The Eurovision Song Contest: 10 of the best</a> </p> <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/may/23/60-years-of-eurovision-review-bbc4">Continue reading...</a>EurovisionCultureMusicEurovision 2015DocumentaryTelevisionTelevision & radioFactual TVSat, 23 May 2015 05:59:10 GMThttp://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/may/23/60-years-of-eurovision-review-bbc4Photograph: Central Press/Getty Images/Hulton Archive'Gainsbourg always had women hanging on to him' said Brigitte Bardot of the 1965 Eurovision champion, with fellow winner France Gall. Photograph: Central Press/Getty Images/Hulton ArchivePhotograph: Central Press/Getty Images/Hulton Archive'Gainsbourg always had women hanging on to him' said Brigitte Bardot of the 1965 Eurovision champion, with fellow winner France Gall. Photograph: Central Press/Getty Images/Hulton ArchiveSam Wollaston2015-05-23T05:59:10ZWhy can't we all sing well? Eurovision and the science of songhttp://www.theguardian.com/science/blog/2015/may/22/why-cant-we-all-sing-well-the-science-of-song-eurovision
<p>The Eurovision final raises many questions, but here’s a scientific one: why, when we’re all capable of song, are some of us are Abba whilst others are Scooch? </p><p>The Eurovision Song Contest, the continent’s annual carnival of the wacky and the weird, celebrates its 60th birthday in Vienna on Saturday night. Without it we would never have seen Russia in uproar over an <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRUIava4WRM">Austrian drag queen</a>, been introduced to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAh9NRGNhUU">Finnish death metal </a>in its purest form, or witnessed the Irish attempt to win with an act called<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfuJaf6IBpk"> Dustin the Turkey</a>.</p><p>It’s sometimes easy to forget that beneath the costumes, the theatrics and the tactical voting, lies a talent contest. All of the Eurovision entrants intend to make an impact through the power of song, with varying degrees of success. So why is it that some carry a tune better than others?</p> <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/science/blog/2015/may/22/why-cant-we-all-sing-well-the-science-of-song-eurovision">Continue reading...</a>ScienceEurovisionMusicCultureBiologyPsychologyFri, 22 May 2015 14:05:52 GMThttp://www.theguardian.com/science/blog/2015/may/22/why-cant-we-all-sing-well-the-science-of-song-eurovisionPhotograph: Jonathan Nackstrand/AFP/Getty ImagesConchita Wurst triumphed at the 2014 Eurovision song contest. But what makes some people able to carry a tune better than others? Hint: it’s not a beard.David Cox2015-05-22T14:05:52ZSBS boss and partner attended Eurovision and World Cup at taxpayers’ expensehttp://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2015/may/22/going-for-a-song-sbs-boss-and-partner-attend-eurovision-at-taxpayers-expense
<p>Federally-funded broadcaster defends its decision to pay for Michael Ebeid’s partner to travel with him </p><p>SBS managing director Michael Ebeid and his partner Roland Hewlett attended Eurovision in Denmark and the World Cup in Brazil at taxpayers’ expense last year, Guardian Australia can reveal. </p><p>Both are attending the Eurovision Song Contest in Vienna, Austria, this year, but SBS said Hewlett was paying for himself this time.</p> <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2015/may/22/going-for-a-song-sbs-boss-and-partner-attend-eurovision-at-taxpayers-expense">Continue reading...</a>Australia newsSBSMediaEurovisionTelevisionTelevision & radioMusicFri, 22 May 2015 05:36:34 GMThttp://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2015/may/22/going-for-a-song-sbs-boss-and-partner-attend-eurovision-at-taxpayers-expensePhotograph: Enzo Amato/TEDxSydneyMichael Ebeid (R) and his partner Roland Hewlett (L) at TEDxSydney on 22 May 2010.Amanda Meade2015-05-22T05:36:34ZAustralia's Guy Sebastian gears up for Eurovision final: I don't take it lightlyhttp://www.theguardian.com/music/2015/may/22/australias-guy-sebastian-gears-up-for-eurovision-final-i-dont-take-it-lightly
<p>The Idol turned X Factor judge doesn’t expect to win in Vienna. But the singer who has made a career of offensively inoffensive R&amp;B has knocked out a decent track … and Guardian Australia’s #TeamGuy convert can’t help but like him </p><p>A comedian once said: never trust a man with two first names; he’s always trying to sell you something. David Cameron, John Howard, Jamie Oliver – free market flag wavers the lot of them. There’s also an undeniable whiff of the commercial about Guy Sebastian, <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/mar/05/guy-sebastian-selected-represent-australia-eurovision">Australia’s inaugural entry</a> to the Eurovision Song Contest.<br /></p><p>Sebastian is a signed, sealed and delivered Sony product, an Australian Idol winner turned Australian X Factor judge who’s put out eight albums of offensively inoffensive nu-soul pop and R&amp;B in his (and the label’s) name over 12 years. And yet … I can’t help liking the guy.<br /></p> <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/music/2015/may/22/australias-guy-sebastian-gears-up-for-eurovision-final-i-dont-take-it-lightly">Continue reading...</a>Guy SebastianEurovision 2015MusicEurovisionPop and rockR&BCultureAustralia newsFri, 22 May 2015 01:16:37 GMThttp://www.theguardian.com/music/2015/may/22/australias-guy-sebastian-gears-up-for-eurovision-final-i-dont-take-it-lightlyPhotograph: Dieter Nagl/AFP/Getty ImagesGuy Sebastian after a Eurovision rehearsal in Vienna.Nancy Groves2015-05-22T01:16:37ZRevolution, genocide, Brexit: why Eurovision 2015's entries reveal a continent in crisishttp://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/tvandradioblog/2015/may/21/revolution-genocide-brexit-why-eurovision-2015s-entries-reveal-a-continent-in-crisis
<p>Is Greece’s song a disguised farewell to the Euro? Is Georgia preparing for war? This year’s Song Contest entries might be the most political collection ever – and the underlying ideas are pretty worrying<br></p><p>Let’s start by making one thing clear; the Eurovision Song Contest was created as a “light entertainment programme”, bringing countries together, and has a strict policy against political content.<br /></p><p><em>“No lyrics, speeches, gestures of a political or similar nature shall be permitted … No messages promoting any organisation, institution, political cause or other, company, brand, products or services shall be allowed ... A breach of this rule may result in disqualification.” - </em><a href="http://www.eurovision.tv/upload/press-downloads/2015/2014-09-02_2015_ESC_rules_EN_PUBLIC_RULES.pdf">1.2.2.h, Public Rules of 60th Eurovision Song Contest (pdf)</a>.<br /></p> <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/tvandradioblog/2015/may/21/revolution-genocide-brexit-why-eurovision-2015s-entries-reveal-a-continent-in-crisis">Continue reading...</a>Eurovision 2015EurovisionMusicTelevisionCultureTelevision & radioThu, 21 May 2015 05:00:02 GMThttp://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/tvandradioblog/2015/may/21/revolution-genocide-brexit-why-eurovision-2015s-entries-reveal-a-continent-in-crisisPhotograph: Nigel Treblin/Getty ImagesConchita Wurst performs during a rehearsal of the first Semi FinalPhotograph: Nigel Treblin/Getty ImagesConchita Wurst performs during a rehearsal of the first Semi FinalPhotograph: EurovisionArmenia is represented by GenealogyPhotograph: EurovisionArmenia is represented by GenealogyPhotograph: ROBERT JAEGER/EPAMembers of the band Voltaj representing Romania perform during rehearsalsPhotograph: ROBERT JAEGER/EPAMembers of the band Voltaj representing Romania perform during rehearsalsPhotograph: GEORG HOCHMUTH/EPAGreece’s Maria Elena Kyriakou performs during rehearsalsPhotograph: GEORG HOCHMUTH/EPAGreece’s Maria Elena Kyriakou performs during rehearsalsPhotograph: GEORG HOCHMUTH/EPAElectro Velvet’s Bianca Nicholas and Alex LarkePhotograph: GEORG HOCHMUTH/EPAElectro Velvet’s Bianca Nicholas and Alex LarkePhotograph: Nigel Treblin/Getty ImagesMaria Elena Kyriakou of Greece performs during a rehearsal of the first Semi FinalPhotograph: Nigel Treblin/Getty ImagesMaria Elena Kyriakou of Greece performs during a rehearsal of the first Semi FinalBella Qvist2015-05-21T05:00:02ZThe Eurovision Song Contest: 10 of the besthttp://www.theguardian.com/music/musicblog/2015/may/20/the-eurovision-song-contest-10-of-the-best-abba-conchita-wurst
<p>On 23 May, the continental carnival of song strikes up again. Here are 10 songs, by entrants from Abba to Conchita Wurst, that lived on after the voting. Don’t forget the Guardian will be liveblogging the final on Saturday night</p><p><a href="http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/tvandradioblog/2015/may/21/revolution-genocide-brexit-why-eurovision-2015s-entries-reveal-a-continent-in-crisis">Why Eurovision 2015’s entries reveal a continent in crisis</a></p><p>Despite only finishing third in the 1958 contest, Volare<em> </em>can probably claim to be the most commercially successful Eurovision song of all time. A classic Italian ballad with an instantly recognisable hook, the original version spent five weeks atop the US Billboard charts, won two Grammies and has been covered by artists as diverse as Dean Martin, the Gipsy Kings, Luciano Pavarotti and David Bowie. Modugno – who also wrote the song – returned to the contest in 1959, and again in 1966, scoring the dreaded <em>nul points</em> with the considerably less catchy <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07KDpfvb2-Y">Dio, Come Ti Amo (God, How I Love You)</a>. <strong><br /></strong></p><p> <span>Related: </span><a href="http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/may/20/eurovision-2015-are-you-joining-in">Eurovision 2015: are you joining in?</a> </p><p> <span>Related: </span><a href="http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/tvandradioblog/2015/may/19/eurovision-2015-who-to-look-out-for-in-the-semi-finals-and-the-final">Eurovision 2015: who to look out for in the semi-finals and the final</a> </p><p> <span>Related: </span><a href="http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/may/16/conchita-wurst-this-much-i-know-being-conchita">Conchita Wurst: ‘I used to go to kindergarten in a skirt’</a> </p> <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/music/musicblog/2015/may/20/the-eurovision-song-contest-10-of-the-best-abba-conchita-wurst">Continue reading...</a>EurovisionPop and rockMusicEurovision 2015CultureTelevisionTelevision & radioEuropeWed, 20 May 2015 10:41:44 GMThttp://www.theguardian.com/music/musicblog/2015/may/20/the-eurovision-song-contest-10-of-the-best-abba-conchita-wurstPhotograph: Rolf Klatt/RexLike a phoenix … Conchita Wurst triumphing at the Eurovision Song Contest in 2014.Photograph: Rolf Klatt/RexLike a phoenix … Conchita Wurst triumphing at the Eurovision Song Contest in 2014.John P Lucas2015-05-20T10:41:44ZEurovision 2015: are you joining in?http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/may/20/eurovision-2015-are-you-joining-in
<p>Eurovision turns 60 this year and to celebrate Australia have been invited to take part in the event for the first time. How are you celebrating Eurovision this year? </p><p>It’s Eurovision time again this weekend and, to mark the competition’s 60th anniversary show, Australia has been invited to take part as a guest participant. Thanks in part to a vast number of Australians with European roots the contest has long had a devoted following, being aired on public broadcast TV in the country for the last 30 years and regularly attracting millions of viewers. <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/mar/05/guy-sebastian-selected-represent-australia-eurovision">Guy Sebastian will sing Australia’s entry</a> in Vienna’s Wiener Stadthalle on Saturday, and we’d like to know what you have got planned for the Eurovision Song Contest this year.</p><p> <span>Related: </span><a href="http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/may/20/predict-winner-eurovision-2015">How to predict the winner of Eurovision | Chris Lochery</a> </p> <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/may/20/eurovision-2015-are-you-joining-in">Continue reading...</a>Eurovision 2015EurovisionMusicTelevisionCultureWed, 20 May 2015 09:06:49 GMThttp://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/may/20/eurovision-2015-are-you-joining-inPhotograph: GEORG HOCHMUTH/EPAWill Europe give Australia’s Guy Sebastian the thumb’s up at this year’s Eurovision?Photograph: GEORG HOCHMUTH/EPAWill Europe give Australia’s Guy Sebastian the thumb’s up at this year’s Eurovision?Tom Stevens and Guardian readers2015-05-20T09:06:49ZEurovision 2015: who to look out for in the semi-finals and the finalhttp://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/tvandradioblog/2015/may/19/eurovision-2015-who-to-look-out-for-in-the-semi-finals-and-the-final
<p>Australian soul, Swedish techno, Italian romance and Finnish punk: a selection of Electro Velvet’s biggest competition as the semi-finals for the 60th edition of the Eurovision Song Contest begin</p><p>Although there is no clear favourite and few novelty acts in this year’s Eurovision, you’ll be treated to both punk and popera, and spoilt for choice if you’re looking for a toilet break; 2015 bids another trip down the slow- to mid-tempo lane. Seat belts on or off, here’s your 10-second warning; Eurovision spoilers ahead.<br /></p> <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/tvandradioblog/2015/may/19/eurovision-2015-who-to-look-out-for-in-the-semi-finals-and-the-final">Continue reading...</a>Eurovision 2015EurovisionTelevisionTelevision & radioCultureMusicTue, 19 May 2015 10:23:17 GMThttp://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/tvandradioblog/2015/may/19/eurovision-2015-who-to-look-out-for-in-the-semi-finals-and-the-finalPhotograph: GEORG HOCHMUTH/EPAWill Europe give Australia’s Guy Sebastian the thumb’s up at this year’s Eurovision?Photograph: GEORG HOCHMUTH/EPAWill Europe give Australia’s Guy Sebastian the thumb’s up at this year’s Eurovision?Bella Qvist2015-05-19T10:23:17ZNigella Lawson to serve up UK's Eurovision scoreshttp://www.theguardian.com/media/2015/may/18/nigella-lawson-eurovision-bbc
<p>Celebrity chef to represent UK ... by reading out the results of the nation’s voting live on the BBC<br></p><p>Nigella Lawson will represent the UK at the Eurovision Song Contest. Not by singing – although that would be fun – but by reading out the results of the nation’s voting live from London for this Saturday’s annual jamboree in Vienna.</p><p>Lawson, soon to be back on the BBC for the first time in three years with her new BBC2 show, Simply Nigella, confirmed her role on Twitter.<br /></p><p lang="fr" dir="ltr">Yes, it's true. Oui, c'est vrai. Ja, das ist wahr. <a href="https://t.co/X6dVnik2JG">https://t.co/X6dVnik2JG</a></p><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Happy now? <a href="http://t.co/b0AAtqKw05">pic.twitter.com/b0AAtqKw05</a></p><p> <span>Related: </span><a href="http://www.theguardian.com/media/2015/feb/10/eurovision-song-contest-invites-australia-to-join-worlds-biggest-party">Eurovision Song Contest invites Australia to join ‘world’s biggest party’</a> </p> <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/media/2015/may/18/nigella-lawson-eurovision-bbc">Continue reading...</a>Television industryBBCMediaNigella LawsonChefsLife and styleEurovisionTelevisionTelevision & radioMusicCultureMon, 18 May 2015 12:28:16 GMThttp://www.theguardian.com/media/2015/may/18/nigella-lawson-eurovision-bbcPhotograph: Francesca Yorke/Getty ImagesNigella Lawson is to read the UK’s scores in the BBC Eurovision coverage.Photograph: Francesca Yorke/Getty ImagesNigella Lawson is to read the UK’s scores in the BBC Eurovision coverage.John Plunkett2015-05-18T12:28:16ZConchita Wurst: ‘I used to go to kindergarten in a skirt’http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/may/16/conchita-wurst-this-much-i-know-being-conchita
<p>The singer, 26, on the beauty of beards, winning Eurovision, and meeting Karl Lagerfeld</p><p><strong>People only look at my beard for a moment.</strong> Then it melts away and it’s just another part of me. It’s like the most natural thing, that this is what a bearded lady looks like. It’s beautiful to see.</p><p><strong>Looks have nothing to do with character. </strong>I could be the most beautiful drag queen in the world and the most evil witch of a person. Winning <a href="http://www.eurovision.tv/page/timeline"><em>Eurovision</em></a> [in 2014] or meeting <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/world/ban-ki-moon">Ban Ki-moon</a> – I believe those things would probably have happened regardless of whether I’d done them as Thomas Neuwirth or <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/music/2014/jul/06/conchita-interview-sensitive-insecure-eurovision-gay-pin-up-austrian">Conchita Wurst</a>, because I have the same heart.</p> <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/may/16/conchita-wurst-this-much-i-know-being-conchita">Continue reading...</a>EurovisionMusicSat, 16 May 2015 13:05:04 GMThttp://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/may/16/conchita-wurst-this-much-i-know-being-conchitaPhotograph: Suki Dhanda/Observer‘There’s a big difference between when I’m Tom and when I’m Conchita’: singer Conchita Wurst. Photograph: Suki Dhanda for the ObserverPhotograph: Suki Dhanda/Observer‘There’s a big difference between when I’m Tom and when I’m Conchita’: singer Conchita Wurst. Photograph: Suki Dhanda for the ObserverCandice Pires2015-05-16T13:05:04ZGraham Norton says Australia's inclusion in Eurovision is 'nonsense'http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/may/12/graham-norton-says-australias-inclusion-in-eurovision-is-nonsense
<p>Singer Guy Sebastian faces task of changing Norton’s mind when he represents Australia in its first ever entry into the song contest</p><p>The BBC’s Eurovision presenter Graham Norton thinks Australia’s inclusion in the contest is a nonsense.<br /></p><p>The TV presenter told reporters at the Bafta awards in London what he thought of the Australian inclusion.<br /></p><p> <span>Related: </span><a href="http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/musicblog/2015/mar/17/eurovision-2015-guy-sebastian-debuts-his-tonight-again-your-reactions">Eurovision 2015: Guy Sebastian debuts his song Tonight Again – your reactions</a> </p> <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/may/12/graham-norton-says-australias-inclusion-in-eurovision-is-nonsense">Continue reading...</a>EurovisionGraham NortonMusicTelevisionAustralia newsPop and rockEuropeTelevision & radioCultureMon, 11 May 2015 22:30:54 GMThttp://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/may/12/graham-norton-says-australias-inclusion-in-eurovision-is-nonsensePhotograph: David M Benett/Getty ImagesGraham Norton has bemoaned the relative lack of ‘kitschy novelty acts’ in this year’s Eurovision contest.Australian Associated Press2015-05-11T22:30:54Z