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Almost seven months ago you made a promise to me, well you made several promises to me. The two I remember the most though, are one, you would do anything for me and two, you will love me forever and never let me go… I’m guessing the word promise doesn’t mean the same thing to you that it means to me. Didn’t they teach you in pre-K not to tell a lie? I’m guessing you weren’t listening just like you weren’t listening when I was explaining to you that what your doing is hurting me from the inside out. Sooner or later I’m going to have to brake a promise of my own. I’m gonna have to walk away and never look back.

I’m Rachel, a.k.a Rachiemonster. I’m 15 and love to blog almost about anything. My favorite though is my personal love life. I can’t complain about it to “him” so I write(type) it! I have to get it out of my system, whats a better way then to write a blog about it.. I don’t know if there are but I’m guessing theres other around my age that are going and feeling the same way as me! I’m just hoping I can help or maybe just make someone know that theres someone out there going through the same thing. Well once again, I hope I can help! I hope you enjoy:)

Just a month ago, I use to love waking up and knowing there will be a text message from you. Now, I’m scared to check my phone, wishing that your name will be there, knowing its not. Every morning, just from you saying “Good Morning Baby:)” would make me feel like the most important girl in the world. I know two words might not mean a lot to you or anybody else but to me, they would make my day from the beginning. What you don’t realize is that those small things that you use to do, meant the world to me. It’s just things will never be back to normal…… At least for now….

Because of you, I stay up crying most nights. I think of us and are further and lately it’s nothing. I use to lay in bed and smile about our further. Remember those three little kids we were planning on having, remember that Lab and that house up north.. Kinda seems like you don’t. Kinda seems like your further is something else now. I know you will be gone for awhile but didn’t I tell you I will always be by your side. I just want you to know, that further of ours sounds really good still, to me at least….

The night I met you, you told me you would never make me cry, you told me you would always make me happy. I guess you changed your mind. I use to be the girl that you would make time for others around me, I’m now part of the “others”. I use to know that when I would see “one new text message” it would make me smile or even “lol”, now I’m scared to open one, scared i’m going to cry. I know your life isn’t great right now but mine isn’t either. Maybe not to you, but your a huge part of my life and when that huge part is going down hill, my life sucks as well. I can only explain something so many times. Once again, I know you will never read this, but I already tell you all of this, even if you don’t listen.

I sometime’s wonder if you even care anymore. I seems like i’m the only one thats trying to save us… You use to make me feel like I was on top of the world, I now feel like i’m back down at the South pole… You use to make me believe that I could do anything and be anything I want, now I feel like the most I can do is lay in bed and cry. I know you will never read this but I just want you to know, that it hurts what your doing, it kills me inside…. I know you say you still love me but it doesn’t seem like it…. I love you