Music

The morning sun slid through the curtains. I woke up. Make up still smudged over my face, my cheeks stained with tears. I looked out the window. The skies were grey. So was I. I close my eyes and try to fall back asleep. Careful not to wake you up with my fidget. You wake up anyway.

I try to act like I was still fast asleep. I wiggle to shift my body closer to you. But I feel you push away. I let out a cry, I was hoping you didn’t hear. I didn’t want to wake up. I didn’t want to leave this bed. This room. This house. You.

I open my eyes to see you seated at the corner of the bed. I guess this was it. I push my face into the sheets, trying to wipe away the stains on my face. I sit up. You didn’t say anything. Neither did I.

I took off the favourite shirt of yours I wore last night. My favourite. The one I always wore when I came over. The one I would never wear again. I changed back into my clothes. I walked to the closet, wondering if I should remove the clothing I left from the other times. I pulled on the door, I took out my clothes. You didn’t stop me.

I finally braced myself to look at you. You looked at me, and for the first time, it was a face I found so unfamiliar. You mumbled something under your breath. As much as I wish it was “Stay”, I knew it wasn’t. All I wanted was a hug. All I wanted was for you to hold me again. All I wanted was for you to tell me to stay. You didn’t.

The last time I saw you, was when I walked out that door. I walked out of a place once so familiar. A place I used to call home. I was screaming for you to hold me. But you didn’t. You let me leave.