Walking on Lego’s: A Post-Election Holiday Meal

On Thursday families all across the country came together for the first time since the election. Grown, educated and often times socio-economically advantaged liberal adults sat with their conservative leaning family to break bread and eat turkey.

Everyone started out playing nice. Superficial tip of the iceberg conversations painfully ensued.

“How ‘bout them Cowboys!”

“Can you believe this weather?”

“Where’s Jr. planning on applying to college?”

The elephant in the room was getting restless.

“So, what are you doing for the holidays this year?”

“What movies have you seen?”

“How ‘bout them Cowboys! Oh… yeah, we already discussed that”.

Of course, as always it’s Mom’s sister, Aunt Barb who throws out the first salvo: “Who cares about Dallas. Texas can secede for all I care.” Looking at Uncle Bob she then says it. “Texas and all the rest of those red state bigots can just leave.”

The elephant gets up, stretches, shakes off his sleep and starts trumpeting.

Uncle Bob, on Dad’s side, is ‘local famous’ as the only NRA member who’s worked or exhibited every gun show in the county for 50 years. Recently he proudly adopted the nickname ‘Gran Torino’. He replied “Yup there it is! You couldn’t resist Babs. So we’re a bunch of bigots?”

Mom’s in the kitchen but hears the elephant trumpeting and shrieks “No! No! NO!”

Running into the living room in her apron she sternly pointed her turkey baster at both Aunt Barb and Uncle Bob “I will not have a repeat of last year”. Ah, yes I recalled. Uncle Bobs ‘pumpkin pie incident’ in response to Aunt Barbs opinion of Ted Cruz.

She accentuates each word. “Do. You. Understand. Me? We are ALL American’s in this house. The god forsaken election is over. Move on. This house is a refuge and if you cannot respect each other then I will ask you both to leave.”

Uncle Bob silently nodded and sipped the last of his second glass of single malt.

Aunt Barb stood up and stated, “I’m sorry Joan. I tried, I really did. I cannot relax here when no one wants to be realistic that we just elected a white supremacist who should be jailed for sexual assault. You can all support the man whose brain is wired by Bannon and the Alt-Right. And I’m supposed to happily eat surrounded by intolerant bigots like everything is just fine?”

“Just because you read it on Facebook, doesn’t make it true Barb”. Uncle Bob said then loudly cracked an ice cube in his teeth. “I know your type. You never argue facts but you carpet bomb your family, friends, colleagues and neighbors with the hate found in your internet cesspools. What are they called? Democratic Underground and Daily Kos? Yeah, I don’t comment but I see what you post. You think that to vote for Trump proved one was racist, sexist, any ‘ist’, that we’re haters. And if your friends ever did budge admitting that maybe not every Trump voter is racist, you’ll suggest that we were suckered, bamboozled and lead astray by a con-man whose true colors will only become apparent after minorities are sent to the back of the bus. But that won’t matter because there are no buses in post-nuclear Armageddon. Right?”

Mom interrupted. “Bob! I asked you to stop.”

Aunt Barb chimed in. “Of course you’re all racist. You defend how Republicans blocked Obama’s every move! Imagine how much better things would be if the Democrats controlled Congress. But because he’s black you all hated him. That’s the definition of racism!”

Looking at Mom, Uncle Bob said “I’m sorry Joan, but I can’t let that stand. Let me say one thing and if you want me to leave I will.”

He then talked to the room. “Today’s Left calls anyone who disagrees with the ever-growing big government a racist. Like 60 million other Trump voters, I’ve brushed off these comments for years knowing attacks from the Left have devolved into vapid insults voiced with the same ‘I know you are but what am I” playground taunts of young children. CHILDREN!”

He continued “Arguments from the Left no longer exist. They no longer try to enlighten their opponents. They do not wish to educate nor do they want to persuade. They do not invite open debate nor will they enter a discussion with any intellectual honesty. In fact, their emotional outbursts actually contain another hidden message: Those childish insults lobbed instead of arguing about policy, history or facts sends the message that our opinion is not worthy of their response or time. This is by design as the Left have determined their opponents are not deserving of the same air as them. That their intellectual and moral superiority shouldn’t have to be defended, nor will it. Simply throwing out what they perceive is the worst thing you can ever call anyone is their verbal equivalent a walk-off home run. It requires the recipient of such labels to now defend the indefensible, instead of arguing real issues like economic policy and national security. Being called a racist or sexist or whatever else they spew is a modern day verbal scarlet letter which silenced us for decades. But now we, the recipients of being branded by the Lefts aspersions have had enough. And that’s why we all voted for Trump. Barb. Was he perfect? Of course not. But we’ve had ENOUGH. You can no longer call me a racist Barb because your party has made the word meaningless. Oh, and just so you know, calling us names only makes us think you have no responses and no ideas. So, let’s cut it out, shall we Barb? If you want to be an adult and talk policy, the economy, the national debt, education, inner city crime, and terrorism then I’m all ears.”

Aunt Barb however wasn’t having any of it. She stood up, got her jacket while muttering that she would not be victimized, attacked and assaulted by her bigoted family.

Mom stood motionless and then her mouth turned into a bemused smile.

Uncle Bob deserved that next glass of single malt I poured him as I asked no one in particular "So, how 'bout them Cowboys!"