Forget big parties. I’d just spend the evening stealing car keys from drunk people while wishing I was at home in my jammies.

For many, it’s the last big celebration of the year. For me, it’s time to hibernate, watch movies and ignore the fact that the Christmas tree is about to end its reign.

Champagne? Maybe. Is it socially acceptable to drink it at 5 so we can go to bed? That’s midnight in London so it should count.

Despite my crankiness, the notion of a new year still brings a sense of freshness. With that in mind, there are some predictions for 2014. I feel confident about each of them because I can’t be proven definitively wrong for at least a couple of months.

We’ll begin to realize it’s possible to peacefully coexist with — maybe even like — people whose opinions and beliefs differ from our own.

Colorado Springs will officially start referring to Pueblo as South Springs in hopes that we’ll stop being so pesky about things like water and urban sprawl and just join the party already.

The Broncos will play football. The Avalanche will play hockey. The Nuggets will play basketball. The Rockies will wear lovely uniforms.

Halloween fright will arrive four days late for many incumbent politicians.

Miley Cyrus will grow out of it.

Pueblo’s new judicial building will open. To save money, no people will be allowed inside.

Selfies will join twerking in the landfill of pop culture.

Roadside junk food stands will be the new trend. Surprisingly, most will spring up within 500 yards of marijuana dispensaries.

Pueblo politics will continue to be equal parts entertaining and infuriating.

The Hallmark Channel will abandon all pretense and run Christmas movies all year long. I still will not be able to change the channel, even during my 24th viewings of “A Christmas Wish” and “Mrs. Miracle.”

Scenario 1: The casts of “Anchorman” and “Anchorman 2” will be hired as the real news readers on CNN, Fox and MSNBC. No one will notice the switch.

Scenario 2: On the lone day of the year that no animal video goes viral, CNN, Fox and MSNBC will, in an act of desperation, resort to reporting news. Ratings will skyrocket.

(Insert athlete’s name here) will become the media darling of the 2014 Winter Olympics.

Our children will know more than we do. Just ask them.

Antisocial media will be the new trend. It will involve communicating with others without the assistance of an electronic device, also known as talking face to face. (Think of it as an in-person Snapchat, kids.)