Herpes Transmission Can Be Controlled With Care

April 01, 1986|By Abigail Van Buren.

Dear Abby: I liked your answer to ``Al-ice`s Husband``--the guy who was considering telling his ex-wife`s potential suitors that she has genital herpes. However, you wrote, ``I assume that you, too, have herpes, and are aware that a person with herpes can live quite normally with it between occasional outbreaks.``

Abby, I don`t believe you can assume that because a married person has genital herpes, his or her spouse also has it.

I should know. I have had genital herpes for 10 years and have been married for eight years. I told my wife about it before we became intimate, and she has not contracted it because we have been careful. Herpes is contagious only during an outbreak. There are visible ``signs`` of an outbreak, and if one refrains from intimate contact during those times, there is no danger of infecting his or her partner. I get these outbreaks only two or three times a year, and they last for three to four days at the very most.

Long Island Lover

Dear Lover: You are absolutely right. I was wrong to assume that because his ex-wife has genital herpes he also has it. He said that he thought it was his ``duty`` to warn all the men who wanted to date his ex-wife that she had genital herpes, so I assumed that he was motivated by anger because he had been infected by her.

Many readers wrote to say, ``When you assume something, you put an `ass`

before `u` and `me.``` They were right.

Dear Abby: My husband was helping his mom clean out her attic when they came across some stuff his father had brought home from World War II. (His father died 20 years ago.) One of the things was a hand grenade, still intact. It had never been used. My husband wants to keep it as a souvenir.

You can probably guess what my problem is. I`m scared to death the thing is going to blow up, but my husband says it has been in the attic for nearly 40 years and nothing has happened yet, so there is no danger.

Can you ask your experts what might happen to it if it just sits around any longer?

My husband says maybe we should have it deactivated. That would be all right with me, but whom would we take it to?

I`ve been losing sleep over this. Sign me . . .

Sitting on a Time Bomb

Dear Sitting: Phone your local police department immediately and tell them what you`ve told me. They will send someone from the bomb squad over to deactivate it. Do not touch it. Just call the police immediately and let them handle it.

Dear Abby: You frequently counsel your readers to seek the sympathetic ear of their pastors. Though it`s sound advice for the most part, I would caution them to ask first what the fee will be.

In deep unhappiness, I recently sought solace by talking with a

``certified pastoral counselor,`` only to be handed a bill for $65 at the end of the session. I could ill afford that amount, and it was not covered by my insurance.

This man came recommended by our church, and I was too naive to consider that a pastoral counselor might expect me to pay for his closer affinity to God.

Needless to say, it was not an uplifting experience. So please advise your readers to always ask ahead of time, ``How much?``

Stung in New Hampshire

Dear Stung: Thanks for the tip. Readers, listen to ``Stung,`` so thou shalt not be stung.

Do you hate to write letters because you don`t know what to say? Write for Abby`s booklet ``How to Write Letters for All Occasions.`` Send your name and address clearly printed with a check or money order for $2.50 and a long, stamped (39 cents), addressed envelope to Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 38923, Hollywood, Calif. 90038.