Here’s our first couples interview! Dirk and I recently sat down with ZIP Magazine in Montreal to talk a little about our experiences as a real-life industry couple. The interview was conducted in English, but translated into French for the February 14th edition of ZIP… yup, Valentine’s Day!

The English transcript is below; click here to view the original French-language publication, with pictures.

Bearded, hairy, sexy, manly, well-developed and muscular bodies, with strong thighs and arms and an infectious smile… this is how we can describe Dirk Caber and Jesse Jackman, one of the few couples in the gay porn industry. They represent the quintessential male “daddy” and bear; Caber has even been selected “Daddy Porn Star of the Year!” Both natives of New England, they live in Boston and make frequent trips to California for filming, as was the case earlier this year. They also find time to visit friends in Montreal, or to travel to Toronto for events such as the BlacKKnighT party (organized by Fétiche Armada).

Dirk Caber is a “COLT Man” — while not an exclusive, he works regularly with the illustrious studio. His partner Jesse Jackman is a TitanMen exclusive. Both are versatile and have starred in dozens of scenes, sometimes together! Caber has worked with several other studios, including TitanMen, Men.com, BoundGods, Bound Jocks, Men on the Edge, and Bound in Public, as well as numerous European studios like Men At Play, AlphaMales, and UK Naked Men. Jackman, meanwhile, is larger and a bit heftier than his boyfriend. A TitanMen exclusive for over two years, he’s starred in Caught in the Act: A Joe Gage Chronicle (with Jessy Ares), Pounded (with Landon Conrad), Wide Awake (Johnny Parker), Extra Firm (with his husband Dirk in a versatile scene), Loud and Nasty (a fetish film, once again with Dirk!), Strobe (with Casey Williams), Fast Friends (Mack Manus), his first film Surveillance (in which he gets topped by Hunter Marx), and his most recent film, the comic-book-inspired Dick Danger with Rogan Richards. On this Valentine’s Day we are fortunate to have, for the first time in ZIP, in an interview with a real-life porn couple. Happy reading!

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FIRST OF ALL, HELLO TO BOTH OF YOU AND THANK YOU FOR ACCEPTING THIS INVITATION FROM ZIP.

DIRK: Thank you for having us!

JESSE: Yes, we’re honored.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN A COUPLE?

DIRK: Feels like forever! But it’s been about two and a half years.

JESSE: Actually it’s been two years, four months, eleven days, twelve hours, and ten minutes. Not that I’m counting or anything.

DIRK: And THERE you have the definition of our two different personalities.

WERE YOU BOTH PORN ACTORS WHEN YOU MET?

JESSE: Yes, we were. I’d only filmed two movies with TitanMen (Surveillance and Incubus 2), but Dirk had been working in the industry for a little over a year with about a dozen scenes under his belt. When we met, I recognized Dirk immediately from TitanMen’s Sting, which is still one of my favorite Titan films.

HOW DID YOU GUYS MEET?

DIRK: That was kind of related, actually. Jesse had just signed with Titan and was having a couple misgivings about his decision to enter porn. A mutual friend in San Francisco mentioned that he knew someone who had been in the industry a while and who might be able to help him come to some understanding. And so our buddy introduced us. I think he knew we’d be instant friends, but whether he knew how quickly romance might bloom…? Well, Jesse thinks he knew.

IS IT DIFFICULT TO BE A COUPLE AND DO PORN? AND HOW DO YOU MANAGE A LIFE IN PORN?

DIRK: When we first considered formalizing the relationship, our friends in the industry all warned us against it. They said one of us would always have the ascendant career, and that professional jealousy between us could cause problems. They’d seen this polarity ruin otherwise promising relationships before. We considered this, but then decided that, since porn is really only a fairly small part of our lives, and that we have so much more in common outside of porn, that we’d give it a try. Now we make a joke out of it; when one of us seems to be getting more work or is working with co-stars the other really wants to work with, one of us will quip, “I’m feeling a tad left out here!” and we’ll both laugh. We know it’s cyclical; in a month the other one is saying that. It becomes easy just to be as supportive and enthusiastic of Jesse’s successes as my own this way.

JESSE: I totally agree. Sure, there’s some playful competition between the two of us, but we don’t take it seriously. At the end of the day, we are 100% supportive of each other, no matter what we do or whom we get to work with.

MANY “PORN COUPLES” HAVE FAILED. WHAT IS YOUR SECRET IN MAKING IT WORK?

DIRK: As we say, our relationship is based on a far richer life than just porn. We have a real life together, and porn is just a nice bit of spice to that. Add to that our day jobs and careers, our families and friends, our love of music and art and just about anything nerdy and science-based… When you then consider that porn is only for a short time relatively speaking — nobody is going to want to watch our septuagenarian asses fuck in thirty years — and that this other stuff is the stuff that will carry us into our nineties, porn then takes on a certain far smaller proportion.

JESSE: Also, the guiding principle of our relationship is something we call the One Rule: “Never bring home anything you don’t want to share.” When you think about it, you realize that it works on all sorts of levels.

DIRK: That rule saves us a lot of unfounded jealousy when we can feel that secure in each other. We limit each other as little as possible, and just want to feel included in each other’s lives as much as possible.

YOU’VE FILMED SOME SCENES TOGETHER. IS IT EASIER TO DO A SCENE SINCE YOU’RE A COUPLE OR IS IT THE SAME AS FILMING WITH OTHER GUYS?

DIRK: Working with Jesse makes some things easier but it does pose other challenges. We know each other really well and we know what turns each other on…

JESSE: Yeah, but at the same time some of the things we do at home don’t always translate that well into porn. There’s a difference between making love and just having sex. When we’re at home, we make love… but that’s so difficult to capture on camera because the emotions aren’t necessarily visual. So we have to play up the sex element a bit on film, and it ends up being a little less about the love and a lot more about the act.

DIRK: Porn is essentially a visual medium. Okay, yeah, there’s sound too, but for guys like us, sex at home is about the tactile and olfactory stimulation as much as the visual and aural. In real life all that becomes part of the connection between us. And while I think that if two guys on camera have that connection it only enhances what can be conveyed on camera, it’s just not something which can be filmed.

JESSE: Exactly.

WHAT BROUGHT YOU BOTH TO PORN IN THE FIRST PLACE?

JESSE: I met Hunter Marx and Ethan Anders, a porn star couple who both worked with Titan, in the summer of 2011. We hooked up and had a really great time. I didn’t even know they were porn stars, actually, until Hunter mentioned something the next day. I remember thinking, “Wow, what a fun life they must have. I wonder if I could do it too.” Coincidentally, about two weeks later I ran into an old friend of mine, Roman Wright, who had also worked with Titan. I asked him if he thought I could do it. He actually advised me against trying it; he thought I wouldn’t like being in the public eye because of all the criticism. (He was right: I still don’t like to read reviews of my films.) In any case, the next day Roman told the casting director at Titan about me, and I got a call from the studio asking me if I wanted to work with them. I thought about it for several weeks, but the more I thought about it, the more it sounded like fun. I felt like I could handle the criticism, and I decided I had nothing to lose by at least trying it… so I did. And I loved it. Still do! Although to this day I don’t read reviews of my scenes.

DIRK: I came to porn through my background in the NYC BDSM world. I had a bit of a reputation for knowing my stuff, even teaching lessons in SM technique and safety. I’d made a friend online who turned out to be Paul Wilde, the director of the hardcore “Rough” line at Titan. He said that it was rare to find a dom in the scene who both knew his stuff and looked the role, but that if I’d ever consider porn, I’d be that man. I was flattered, but politely declined; I didn’t think I looked like someone who should ever have sex on camera! He understood, but re-extended the invitation every so often. Two years later, I decided “Why not?” I thought I’d make one or two films, and the studio would find someone younger, more hung, better looking, and move on. I’d be able to say “Hey, I’d done porn!” and that would be the end of it. Three and a half years and fifty-odd scenes later, and I’m still at it.

YOU’VE DONE SCENES WITH MANY SITES AND STUDIOS, BOTH TOGETHER AND SEPARATELY. WHAT IS THE EXPERIENCE YOU GET FROM WORKING WITH ALL THESE DIFFERENT PRODUCERS AND DIRECTORS?

JESSE: I’ve worked with five different directors, all with Titan; each of them has had a unique style, from the meticulous to the laissez-faire. There are many paths to producing a good scene, and all of them are experts in getting there. I sometimes wonder if fans can spot the difference in styles like I’ve learned to do.

DIRK: It’s fascinating to see the different working styles of different directors and studios, and see the different means by which they approach a scene. That diversity of experience has definitely helped me learn a variety of techniques myself when coming to a new challenge in a scene.

IN GENERAL, WHAT IS YOUR EXPERIENCE IN THE PORN INDUSTRY?

DIRK: In general, I’ve had a blast. But I came to the industry with my eyes wide open, having had an ex-boyfriend and many friends already in the industry. Hence I didn’t have most of the misconceptions and expectations that I think a lot of younger less-informed guys tend to arrive with, and hence I’ve not had any reason to be disappointed. Being a porn star is like being an artist or a musician; you’re never going to get rich, and fame in this industry is fleeting at best. If you’re doing it for any more ambitious reason than just the fun of doing it, you’re most likely going to be disappointed. I’m in this because I really enjoy doing it.

JESSE: As am I… although, unlike Dirk, I entered the industry from a place of blissful ignorance. Being a conéer of porn myself, I’d often idly wondered if I could succeed in the industry; as I mentioned before, when the opportunity presented itself, my thought was “Well, if I never try it, I’ll never know what it’s like.” And I’m very glad I did. Working porn has really increased my confidence, made me a more well-rounded person, brought me closer to my mom (yes, she knows all about it… it’s a pretty cool story actually… check out http://jessejackman.xxx/2012/10/04/she-knows), and introduced me to the man of my dreams. I’ve often found that when I stretch the limits of my comfort zone a little, I’m richly rewarded, and my decision to work in porn was no different. There’s an old saying that I like a lot: “Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb, because that’s where the fruit is.”

Some people who read this might be thinking, “Wow, porn sounds really great! Maybe I should try it!” And it IS great… but it’s not for everyone. Anyone who’s considering a career in porn needs to take time to consider the ramifications of their decision. Will your job be cool with it? Your family? Your friends? Don’t assume they’ll never find out, because they WILL. If you do decide to give porn a go, start at the top. Apply to work with the best of the best; don’t settle for some fly-by-night internet outfit that’s really just a guy with a webcam in some sleazy hotel room. And keep in mind that the average porn “career” only lasts about two years, plus the amount of work you’ll get won’t necessarily be consistent, and it frankly doesn’t pay enough to be your sole source of income. It’s fun while it lasts, but don’t expect it to last forever.

Finally, when you become a commercial porn performer, you’re really creating and marketing a “brand,” and it’s up to you to determine what that brand will be. One component of that decision is whether or not to go condomless. While the decision is ultimately yours, be aware that a lot of the top studios will not work with you if you’ve filmed any bareback scenes elsewhere. Barebacking — even so-called “responsible” barebacking — still puts people at greater risk for contracting not just HIV but other STDs as well… and certain companies don’t want to promote that brand. If you want to last longer in this industry, it’s better to start out only doing high-end condom films. Condom-only will help maintain your personal brand from the start; you can make other decisions later in your career if you so choose. If you do go raw, just keep in mind that besides potentially jeopardizing your health and the health of your partners — both on-screen and in your private life — you’ll be limiting your professional options down the road.

WHAT ARE THE BEST AND THE WORST EXPERIENCES YOU’VE HAD IN PORN?

DIRK: Wow, there’ve been so many bests. I think I’d cite getting to be part of a Ray Dragon film directed by Jake Deckard called Men in the Sand as a favorite experience. The film is an homage to the 1972 film “Boys in the Sand” filmed on Fire Island, and Jake’s concept was similar, to throw a bunch of porn stars into a house out there and film what happens. I was napping one afternoon in a downstairs bedroom curled up with my good friend Josh West, and we woke up to find Jake standing on the corner of the bed, holding his camera, and saying “Sorry, the light was too perfect, I had to film this. You’re awake now, just roll around and make out a bit.” So we did. Laughed a lot. Goofed around a bit. We figured it would be a minute or two of extra footage between the major scenes of the film, and even that would have been a highlight of my career. Even better was to discover when the film came out that Jake had edited this footage, in black and white and to some surprising and awesome music, into a whole scene in and of itself, which then leads to our actual sex scene outside in the shower (also awesome!). This has to be one of the most beautiful, romantic, affectionate, and memorable things I think I’ll ever be able to be a part of in the porn world. Heh, in light of that, how can I think of a bad experience?

JESSE: My experiences and interactions within the industry have all been wonderful, as have the interactions I’ve had with my fans. I’d say the best part of the job is getting to meet and talk to so many amazing people from all over the world. The only bad part about this whole thing is that, very rarely, I’ll encounter someone who lashes out against pornography, or (more generally) upon the LGBT community, and directs that hatred towards me. I’ve been the recipient of more than my share of hate mail. In every case, though, the hatred is almost immediately drowned out by an overwhelming outpouring of love and support from my fans, colleagues, and friends. And, ironically (or perhaps fittingly), a lot of good things have happened as a direct result the hate mail. One particular instance let to me becoming a contributor for the Huffington Post! I wrote about that experience at http://huffingtonpost.com/jesse-jackman under the heading “We Must (Not) Surrender.”

DIRK, HOW DID YOU BECAME A “COLT MAN”?

DIRK: Only about two years ago did I drum up the courage to send my résumé to COLT; they have such a respected standing in the industry, and are so specific about the quality and appearance of the man they like to work with. For a long time I didn’t believe that they’d be interested in me. To my surprise, they hired me nearly on the spot for ” title=”Fur Mountain” target=”_blank”>Fur Mountain, where they paired me with Spencer Reed and Trent Locke. Kristofer Weston, the director, seems to feel I do indeed fit the criterion to be a COLT man, and has hired me a number of times since, not only for COLT shoots but also for their bondage-based affiliate site Bound Jocks. I love working with these guys.

DIRK, YOU’VE DONE SHOOTS WITH EUROPEAN SITES. IS IT DIFFERENT THAN THE AMERICAN PORN INDUSTRY?

DIRK: They are different, but not remarkably so. The London-based sites I’ve worked with, Alpha Male, UK Naked Men, and Men At Play, tend to be more relaxed in terms of scheduling, often booking shoots a week ahead of time; most US sites will book a month or two ahead of time. Many of the European sites tend to be smaller studios in terms of personnel and space too, so it’s possible to meet an entire crew in the course of an afternoon shoot; I think there are still staff members at Titan I haven’t met yet. European studios generally run on a tighter budget and hence pay slightly less too. Otherwise, though, especially from the model’s standpoint, they’re much the same. I show up, we talk through how the scene might go, the stars get themselves ready, and we film. Pauses are made to change cameras or lighting, or to take a break. We finish up, take a shower, put our clothes on, hug everyone thank you and goodbye, and head for dinner. All that is very much like how a Stateside scene would happen.

DIRK, WOULD YOU SIGN AN EXCLUSIVITY CONTRACT IF ASKED?

DIRK: At this stage in my career it’s probably a moot point. Studios want exclusives who haven’t already worked with everyone out there and who they can claim are their special domain; that’s kind of the point of keeping an exclusive model for them. Titan considered offering me exclusivity when I first started, and I wasn’t sure that I wanted to limit myself; even then I was thinking I wanted to be able to use working with the London studios as a means of traveling to Europe more often, and a Titan exclusivity would squelch that idea. Then Titan decided that they didn’t want me exclusively, and of course then my first thought was “Wait, what’s WRONG with me?” They were right, though, and it’s been best for both of us. I still have done a huge amount of work with Titan; indeed, I didn’t work with any another studio in my first nine months, I was so happy just working with them. Today if I only ever worked with Titan and COLT for the rest of my career (okay, and Men At Play in London), I’d be perfectly happy with what could be seen as a self-imposed exclusivity.

DIRK, YOU’VE BEEN CHOSEN “DADDY PORN STAR OF THE YEAR.” WHAT ARE YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT BEING RECOGNIZED AS SUCH?

DIRK: For a long time I thought being called “daddy” was a bit silly, but just about the time I started in porn a good friend in Boston called me that, and the light went on in my head — with him the term actually fit. Heh, practically speaking, I got into the porn industry when I was ten years older than most guys are when they retire from it. That means that I could actually have sired some of the younger guys I’ve worked with, and legally! And these days, as guys are becoming more and more aware in the real world that it’s possible to continue to have a great body and an active sexual life well into their fifties and sixties (and why stop then?), and that there are younger guys who love that maturity and solidity, I think it’s fitting that there are more and more guys my age and older in porn. The term “daddy” itself I know rubs some men the wrong way, that it smacks of incest or pederasty, or makes some guys just feel old. I find it’s just a term of affection, admiration. And if there’s something the gay world might benefit from a bit more, it’s more connection between generations; our history through the last fifty years other than the epidemic and certain key cornerstone events is still a largely oral tradition, and how will that be passed on until more enterprising authors write more of it down if younger guys and older guys don’t connect? “Daddy” I think is just an indication that this is happening more often.

DIRK, YOU’VE DONE SEVEN SCENES WITH BOUND GODS AND ONE WITH BOUND IN PUBLIC. IS BDSM SOMETHING THAT YOU ENJOY AND PRACTICE IN YOUR PRIVATE LIFE, OR IS IT ONLY FOR SHOOTING?

DIRK: I came to the porn world via the BDSM world, and used to be very active. That has slackened in the last few years, though I do still get the occasional opportunity to exercise my skills in the real world. Jesse has dipped his toes into this pool and found the water wasn’t quite as cold as he was afraid it might be, but it’s still not really his thing, so I’ve been much more active on camera than off. There is a difference, though; Bound Gods is again a visual media, and the SM element has to come across visually, so in fact on camera I’m needed to be a lot more cruel than I am in real life. BDSM is ultimately a means of very deep intimacy, and as we said before that’s really hard to convey on camera. When I play on my own, there’s much more physical and sensual contact, much more vocal interplay, and a hell of a lot more laughter. I am usually the dom, but what makes driving fun for me is taking my sub on a trip to someplace he wouldn’t be able to go if he weren’t tied up, say; it’s never about establishing who’s boss or just trying to hurt him.

JESSE, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN AN EXCLUSIVE FOR TITAN? DO YOU ENJOY BEING AN EXCLUSIVE?

JESSE: Titan, to my great surprise, offered me an exclusive agreement following my first scene in August of 2011. After talking a lot with my friend (and scene partner) Hunter Marx and several confidants back home, I accepted. Being an exclusive has a lot of benefits: I’m guaranteed a certain number of scenes per year, my scene rate is higher, Titan helps me run my blog (www.jessejackman.xxx), and I get plenty of free porn. Plus, in a nod to my ego, I get to be on the cover of the DVDs! But most importantly I feel like part of the Titan family; working so closely with the guys has enabled me to make friends who I know are going to be part of my life long after this little adventure is over.

BOTH OF YOU: IF THERE IS ONE, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR DREAM SCENE (EITHER TOGETHER OR SEPARATELY) AND WITH WHOM WOULD IT BE?

DIRK: We always enjoy working with each other; I think we’d have a LOT of fun arranging threesomes between us and one other co-star. We tried to set this up a while ago with our buddy Rogan Richards; it didn’t quite happen as planned for a few reasons, and I’d LOVE to go back and revisit that scenario properly with him and Jesse again. I’ve also lusted after Drake Jaden since I first saw him on Kink.com; in the back of my head I have this perverse image of him and Jesse next to each other, Drake looking like such a mini-me version of Jesse, and me finding myself somehow stuck in the middle. That would be HOT.

JESSE: So far all of my scenes have been one-on-one, so I agree with Dirk: I’d LOVE to film a threesome or even an orgy scene that includes the two of us. Also — and I know this is not likely to happen — it would be really awesome to drag François Sagat out of retirement to film a scene with me. Our scene in Incubus was just a jerk-off scene, but our chemistry was great and I think we’d have fun doing a LOT more on camera.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE EXCLUSIVES WITH THE SAME STUDIO SOMEDAY?

DIRK: It’s an interesting idea. But no, quite the opposite, I think we’re looking forward to being non-exclusives together sometime in the future when Jesse’s close exclusive relationship with Titan has run its course. Titan will always be family for both of us, though; it’s where we both started out and where we’ve done the vast majority of our work. I’d hope our working relationship with them will continue as long as we’re both still up for doing this.

JESSE: I’m loving my Titan exclusivity and I’m benefiting a lot from it, both personally and professionally. Someday, perhaps — if and when I’m no longer an exclusive — it would be fun to work with Dirk at a different studio, just to find out what it’s like. I think it would be exciting to appear together in COLT’s annual “Couples” calendar, too. But neither of us are in any rush to get there. Our current arrangement works wonderfully.

AS IN YOUR SHOOTS, ARE YOU BOTH VERSATILE IN NATURE?

DIRK: Hell yeah!

JESSE: Definitely! And which role I take depends a lot on chemistry; there are some people with whom topping just comes more naturally, and with others, bottoming feels like a better fit. It’s great being flexible like that; I just do whatever feels better. Luckily for Dirk and me, we’re both like that… which means our sex life is never boring.

YOU RECENTLY FILMED IN SAN FRANCISCO. YOU GOT TO FILM ANOTHER SCENE TOGETHER, RIGHT? AND DIRK: BESIDES TITAN, WHAT OTHER STUDIOS DID YOU WORK WITH ON THIS MOST RECENT TRIP?

JESSE: Dirk and I shot TWO scenes together for Titan last month, actually. And in both of them, I got to play out a particular fantasy of mine: locker room sex! The two scenes, while similar in nature, were directed by two different Titan directors, Jasun Mark and Paul Wilde. In Jasun’s version, Dirk and I are workout partners who have sex in the locker room while no one’s watching. Paul took an edgier approach, having us fetishize the gear itself… pissing all over each other’s workout clothes, worshiping each other’s jock straps, licking each other’s pits, and so on. Both scenes will be out later this year; I’m really looking forward to seeing how each director’s vision is realized.

DIRK: The other site I shot for was Bound Jocks. Kristofer Weston directed, and my buddy Leo Forte was my scene partner; both of them are also a well-respected and highly skilled players in the SM world. Leo and I took turns tying each other up and then going at the other with the flogger. It turned into an interesting shoot for showing our different styles as doms; he’s far more aggressive and athletic, I’m more affectionate and playful. We had a hell of a lot of fun, and as we were essentially suspended from the beams over our heads, we nearly broke the ceiling of the studio!

WHAT ARE YOUR NEXT PROJECTS?

JESSE: Titan just released a couple of my new films (“Dick Danger” with Rogan Richards and “Caught in the Act: A Joe Gage Chronicle” with XBIZ Performer of the Year Jessy Ares) so it’s time to take a break for a little while and focus on my writing (see http://jessejackman.xxx and http://huffingtonpost.com/jesse-jackman). I also get to eat pizza and ice cream again! (Well, maybe for a little while.) The Titan guys have talked about flying me to Palm Springs in May or June to film a couple of scenes; I love it there, and it would be great to go back. Also, Joe Gage — something of a legend in the porn industry — has expressed interest in casting me for another one of his films. Working with him before was an amazing experience, and I would jump at that opportunity again in a heartbeat.

DIRK: I’ve a few things in the stew. MEN.com just contacted me about a larger project they’d like to film, utilizing my “daddy” status. Kink.com is starting a new line; I’m not sure how much I can say publicly about it yet, but I’m headed back to SF to film some of their lead-in material soon. There’s a new bear-themed site that’s starting filming in Florida that I’ve been contacted about possibly being a part of, and COLT is considering a western-themed project this summer. Jesse and I have some appearances coming up, notably at the BlacKKnighT party in Toronto on February 16th, at the Bear Bust at Hamburger Mary’s in Kansas City the first weekend in May, and at Sinner’s Ball in my childhood stomping grounds, Ogunquit, Maine, the first weekend of August.

WILL WE BE SEEING YOU BOTH IN MONTREAL SOON?

DIRK: We have some excellent friends in Montreal who we love to visit, and it’s an awesome city. We’ll always come back, though after visiting over New Years we may wait for warmer weather!

JESSE: Maybe even sooner than that, in my case. While Dirk’s away in early March I’m going skiing with some friends in Vermont, and because Montreal’s so close, I’m thinking about driving up to spend a couple of days there as well. I can never get enough of your beautiful city… one which I have come to think of as a second home. “Montréal, ma ville!”

THANK YOU SO MUCH TO BOTH OF YOU AND GOOD LUCK IN ALL YOUR PROJECTS!

JESSE: We’re very proud to be a part of ZIP’s Valentine’s Day edition. Thank you so much for the opportunity!

Dirk mentioned in the interview that BDSM is really about intimacy. And a huge part of that is trust. While the world of BDSM is more Dirk’s domain than mine, I’m sure he would tell you that, for the sub, it’s all about trusting the dom and leaving yourself in his (or her) hands… and for the dom, it’s about paying attention to the sub’s reactions and pushing him right up to his boundaries… but then respecting those boundaries. That sort of trust that’s required in that arrangement is exactly what makes BDSM such an intimate experience.

Exactly. I haven’t done anything in that arena in years, but as a Dom, I can wholeheartedly agree with every word. It’s something I do my absolute best to convey in the BDSM stories I’ve written. Same goes with fisting–trying to convey that level of trust and depth of emotions involved. A lot of folks don’t understand just strong (mentally and emotionally…and even spiritually) fisting can be.

I’m really sorry, but as I just mentioned to someone else on the Facebook page (coincidentally also named David!) I don’t communicate privately with fans. No disrespect intended… I just have my hands full running the blog and the Facebook page (and holding two jobs, and having a full-time husband, and friends and family and so on). I’m really sorry! If you post your questions or comments on the Facebook page, though, I’ll see them and respond as best I can.

I honestly don’t know. Facebook is very strange in that regard and doesn’t explain who does and does not get to see posts on public pages. If you’re not willing to post it here or on my Facebook page, then I’m afraid I can’t help you. I’m terribly sorry, but I need to maintain this boundary… and with it, my own sanity.

Great interview. I’m noticing that guys who do porn in their 30’s/40’s/50’s seem far less likely to conform to the “I DO PORN TO GET MONEY FOR CRACK!” stereotype that people have of porn actors and have made the decision to do porn from a far more rational and secure place.