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I get a lot of grief from guys who read my blog about my stance on form letters. They argue that girls never respond to personalized messages, and they have to send out hundreds of generic messages to get a single response back.

My argument back is that if you are sending a message (*cough* resume) to 100 girls.. you are desperate, and attempting to settle.

The following form letter did not come to me, but was a message reported on OKCupid:

“Hey, you seem like a really cool, genuine chick. I don’t really know the protocol of this whole thing, I’m new to the site, but I’d love to hang sometime if you’re down. Also, I realize this message is incredibly awkward, so I’m sorry about that. I’m [Name], by the way.”

The girl who reported the message did respond. She introduced herself, made mention of his clever user name, and then asked what he likes to do in his spare time. To which he responded:

“In my spare time I like to get my fuck on with pretty girls like you.”

Call me a bitch all you want, but I would not have responded to his initial message. If you can’t put ten seconds worth of effort into a message to personalize it – then you aren’t worth my time. Ladies, I implore you to do the same – that way, people quickly learn they need to step it up a notch.

8 Responses to “Why Standards are Important”

I’m with you on this one. A few lines that shows a guy actually read your profile goes a lot further than some cut and paste compliment laden drivel. It would show that he can read and also that he’s not lazy.

Regarding not hearing back from sending out 100 personalized messages, one maybe what’s written isn’t the problem. And two, guys don’t realize how many messages women get on these sites. That guy sends out 100 personalized messages. The girls that are receiving his 100 messages are also receiving 100 messages from 100 other guys, a day. Guys don’t understand how long it takes to open messages, look at pictures, narrow it down, and respond to some of the mesages. And also how much time it takes to read the whacked out messages.

Also, that girl that got the nasty message from that guy should create a review about him.

Standards are important, but I stretch mine not out of desperation, but because the profile online almost never conveys much about a person. I’m certain that guys spend as much time finding, then writing a thoughtful message to an individual girl as it would take to read and evaluate 15+ of the mindless messages it seems girls get. I’ve never used form letters, but I can appreciate why a decent guy would.

That is true, but I chose to not let the un-decent girls ruin or change my expectation. As an example, I messaged a gal this week a personalized and appropriately friendly note, and she messaged me back to say she thought I was ugly and a slob. I don’t understand people who act like that. And I’m pretty sure I’m not a slob or sending slob vibes with my profile (i could be ugly tho, no idea, don’t care too much).

I replied to every. single. well-written. personalized message I received. Even to the guys who I didn’t find attractive, or with whom I had a very low match percentage. If they made an effort with me, I at least gave them the courtesy of replying.

I only replied to two or three of the most-clever form letters, and the guys all turned out to be assholes.