First Separation

11-10-2009, 03:19 PM

We have a nearly 16 month old daughter whom we co-sleep with.
She and I have not been separated for more than 30 minutes or so (other than naps) since she was born. She spends time alone (that is the 30 minutes) with DH. DH is now suggesting perhaps we/I let her go a bit and have her stay with a sitter so he and I can have some alone time. My mother is 2500 miles away, who I would absolutely leave her with. I have a neighbor I would consider, but am still leary and nervous about that. DH is concerned she will be too dependent on me since she spends nearly all her time with me/mom. It seems early for that, to me.

My question is: given the attachment, when is it developmentally healthy to leave my daughter with a sitter for a even a few hours?
I was thinking after 18 months since that tends to be when stranger anxiety significantly decreases. Is that so, or am I too concerned?

Hmmm...
How does she do without you? Listen to your child's cues and expressions.
How are you feeling about getting alone time, is it a high need? Will it add to your personal and family balance?

I know exactly what you feel and I was very leary with my first child and did (still do too) avoid separation just for the point of separation.
I did get a lot of pressure that I needed to separate. I think that is balderdash!
Is this something you want or need? Do you think your child would adjust well?

Picking someone to be your childcare person is another big choice. I think one of the best ways (after talking with them!) of finding out how a person works with your family is having them in your house while you are in another room listening and occasionally checking in on them. That is also a good way for your child to get used to the new caregiver without losing you right away.