Cheating – Can You Ever Trust Again?

Your world tilts. Your heart feels like it might have been ripped from your chest. And just like that, you’re sure you’ll never trust anyone again. Unsurprisingly, being cheated on is one of those life-changing experiences that you never quite get over. I should know – I’ve had my fair share of relationship-rugs pulled out from under my feet.

But it wasn’t the ‘moving on’ from my cheating ex that I found hardest (actually that was pretty easy). For me, it was attempting to trust new people. Plunging myself back into the dating darkness without a light to expose the lies I knew could – from experience – be lurking in the shadows. That’s what I had trouble with. Once you’ve been hurt, once you’ve seen how easy it is to believe a lie, it’s very hard to go back to blind trust.

Hard, yes. But definitely not impossible, why?

Because it’s often nothing to do with you

Cheating is usually more about the cheater than the person being cheated on. Whether it’s evidence of insecurity, immaturity or a self-destructive compulsion they genuinely can’t help, it’s not a reflection on how they felt about you or how good you are as a boyfriend or girlfriend. Accepting this is the first stage to getting over it – although I’ll admit, an easier said than done one!

Because you do get over it

Yes, at the start, it feels like you’ve been run over. But the realisation that you are, however slowly, getting over it is actually quite empowering. You’ve survived. And although, of course, you’ll prefer not to have to go through it again, at least you know what you’re made of – and chances are it’s strong stuff.

Because actually it has some positives

Being cheated on means I’m much more honest, open and up-front when it comes to dating. It means I make more of an effort to be the things that I expect from others, and I have to admit, my current relationship is all the better for it. Instead of being less able to trust someone, it’s forced me to be open about my fears and feelings and with that much communication flowing between us, trust has come pretty naturally.

Because dating can happen at your own pace

The great thing about online dating sites like eHarmony, is that you can take things as slowly as you need to. First you can find someone you fancy in the sanctity of your own home, talk to them online, progress to a chat on the phone and only meet up in person when you’re sure. There’s no rush. Plus, plenty of eHarmony members are in the exact same shoes as you – looking for love but unsure if they’ll be able to trust again. Sounds much less scary now, doesn’t it.

So, have I managed to convince you? Or have you already moved on from a cheating ex and developed some tactics you fancy sharing?