Too sexy for breastfeeding?

Not long after her baby was born, Madison Young, an adult actor – also an artist, film director, gallery director, and activist – put on an art show titled Becoming MILF at Femina Potens, a gallery she owns specialising in queer, trans and non-gender-binary art. In the show she apparently questioned the way mothers are both stripped of sexuality and conversely, also made a fetish. Her exhibition included breastmilk milkshakes and a baby quilt made of burp cloths and “porn star panties”. Yes, thought-provoking.. and impressively energetic, too. How is this new mother managing to do it all?

I’m brand new to motherhood. My little girl is only eight weeks old right now. I’m sure that sharing my life with my daughter will inspire, influence and affect my work in different ways as she gets older. Right now, as the mother of a newborn, one of my greatest challenges is time. I’ve always tried to balance more than is humanly possible in a day but now I have a tiny little being who needs and demands my attention 24/7. I’ve had to really prioritize what areas of my life I need to be giving my energy to right now. I’ll be working mostly local for at least Emma’s first year, and if I decide to take out of state or country gigs next year then it will be a family affair. I take Emma along with me whenever I can, such as to university speaking engagements and to the art gallery, and Daddy watches Emma during the more adult-oriented work experiences.

According to Furry Girl two issues are at stake here – the first is that a baby can’t give permission to be included in her mother’s artwork, and the second is that Young may bring a certain audience with her to her feminist artwork. Could her porn audience see things that aren’t appropriate in the breastfeeding image? In short, Furry Girl believes they’ll be sexualising Young’s baby daughter and because of this Young is knowingly exploiting her child. (There’s something else at stake here, too, and Furry Girl must know it. Sex workers face a special kind of risk when it comes to anyone questioning their fitness as parents – they have a history of seeing their children removed from them by the state).

I like reading conservative/Christian anti-feminist blogs sometimes. But no group is more hysterically pro-motherhood than modern feminists.

Outside of stupid feminist hippies, who sees breast feeding a baby as sexual? What kind of people want to see those photos? Not good people.

It is telling that Furry Girl doesn’t see the “feminist mommy club” as including any sex workers. Furry Girl’s reaction also says a lot about the difficulty we have in separating the sexual function of breasts from the nurturing role, something Young was attempting to explore in her art exhibition.

My exhibit Becoming MILF was a visual and performative journey through my pregnancy and into the throws of motherhood while still working in the sex industry. I wanted to express the challenges of balancing the life of the whore and the madonna at the same time. At the opening reception I sat in a corner hand whisking whipped topping for milkshakes while pumping breast milk, and then added the breast milk to the whipped topping. I was using traditional women’s work and the re-appropriating of my breasts for nourishment to create a dessert, encouraging gallery goers to address their thoughts on breastfeeding, breasts of mothers versus breasts of adult film actresses, and the consumption of breast milk past infancy. It spurred some fascinating conversations around nurturing versus sexualizing.

I don’t know what Young’s fans see when they look at her breastfeeding photograph, but I can tell you what I see. I see vulnerability in that photograph, not a ‘Marilyn Monroe sex goddess’ vulnerability but the vulnerability of mother-shock, raw and fragile and calling upon all your reserves. I see pride, too, in her decision to pose breastfeeding. Pride in mastering a new skill and pride in her first baby. And I can’t help but relate to the excitement and creativity she is experiencing in exploring her new identity as a mother – after all, I started a blog as an outlet for my thoughts. It breaks my heart to think how exposed Young, still such a new mother, must now be feeling about all of this.

63 Responses

amen to all of that. I wasn’t aware of any of this until I read your post and…wow. It boggles my mind when somebody who calls themselves a feminist can’t quite see the forest through the trees and feels the need to malign and attack other feminists. Why can’t we all be promoting feminism, despite our inherent differences? I love the fact that there are many voices within the cause – it brings more perspectives and viewpoints – none of them any “better” than the rest, just different (since we all live different lives, ostensibly).

It seems as if Furry Girl is the one getting worked up over this, when really – what’s the story/issue? A mother who’s photographed herself nursing her baby? If you looked at my Facebook albums (visible to many) you will see plenty of pictures of me nursing. Is that acceptable because my livelihood has nothing to so with sex work?

Also – do I even need to point out the absurdity/inaccuracy in her comment that the “feminist mommy club” doesn’t buy porn or do sex-workers activism?

To be fair, Furry Girl identifies loudly and proudly as not being a feminist.. a variety of reasons no doubt, but certainly including the antagonistic relationship between some feminists and the sex industry.

ah, never having heard about her before, I wasn’t aware that she doesn’t identify as such – my mistake! However, I still stand by my other statements re:her assumptions about the “feminist mommy club.”

Furry Girl wrote some horrible rape apologist stuff when the Assange case was in the news, so I think both her anti-feminism and her failure to think through her positions in a way harmful to others is pretty comprehensive.

Thank you for writing about this. I really resonated with how you interpreted the photograph of (vulnerability v. Monroe goddess). I think Madison is brave and cool.

As far as I understand it, when photographing young children it’s up to the parents to provide permission (unless the photographs are of abusive acts, of course)? I can’t see how she is exploiting her child for taking a photograph of herself breastfeeding. Surely it’s no worse than any other photograph of a woman breastfeeding? Or is Furry Girl against all of these kind of photos? Sometimes I think the argument is not nature v nurture but nature v repression. Sigh.

I think it’s a fabulous photograph too – as you said, vulnerability + pride + tenderness, and also, I think, a certain “this isn’t how you expected a breastfeeding mother to look”. I too am boggling at Furry Girl’s criticisms.

As a pro-women’s-rights man and painter I applaud Madison’s creativity and guts…and as a father I say “upset critics, please lighten up!” What she’s doing looks interesting and beautiful in a new way, sure signs of that elusive spirit: art.

This is really interesting, thank you. What I noticed from the Salon comments was that people seem to be incapable of separating Madison’s adult acting work from her other work. Apparently, when an adult actor makes art or speaks about health issues its still porn!

The other thing I noticed is that Furry Girl is worried Madison’s porn fans will find the baby erotic i.e. be paedophiles. This is not terribly complimentary to Madison’s porn fans and by extension Furry Girls’, surely?

Actually, when I first saw the pic, I thought it was a humourous take on the way you can be caught out sometimes having to breast feed your baby in the most inconvenient moments.
I once found myself sitting in a gutter in Ballarat while the rest of a demonstration wound past.

Another thing Furry Girl says is “I never said that no woman should be allowed to breast feed. I am not against breast feeding in public or private, I am against doing it in sexualized contexts. I would feel the same way if someone whipped out a baby at a swinger’s club, so it’s not just about the internet or porn.”

I wonder what she thinks of a couple having sex while breastfeeding. It’s not like that hasn’t happened on a regular basis in human history.

It’s a pretty strange train of thought when you consider the fact that having seperate bedrooms for different members of the family is a comparatively recently luxury and one that is still only reserved for the richer folk of the world – do they think that couples who have a whole family in a one bedroom house simply don’t have sex or something?

fantastic write up and really makes me want to know more about Madison Young! As you rightly point out, it took a lot of guts to develop her art in this way, not the least the fear that state/society says “sex worker not allowed to be parent”.

Being very careful here – a guy getting into this discussion – it strikes me that there are valid arguments about sexualisation of breast-feeding, and by extension of children.

However, the mistake I think has been made by FurryGirl is that being a “porn star” doesn’t make your artistic representation of breast-feeding your child sexualisation. Adult actor, sex worker, stripper, or whatever – you are still a person. You have a right to your expression of self. If you are also a mother, and have strong convictions about breast-feeding, you have a right to express them.

If the child was used as part of an adult movie, then THAT would be sexualisation. But an adult movie actor doing something like this, that isn’t.

Someone once, in a fairly desciptive and obvious manner, sexualised a photo of me breast-feeding my daughter. I am in no way associated with porn, the photo was in no way sexual. It was a fetish post, and a pretty nasty one too. But it still wasn’t about my daughter, it was about breastfeeding. I do not bear responsibility for someone sexualising me breastfeeding OR sexualising my child. That is wholly and solely on the viewer who sexualised it.

Seems to me that Furry Girl obviously enjoys this type of attention and has opinions just for the sake of having an opinion.. not because she ever thought them through or had remotely any experience on the topic.

Sadly, we’re all giving her exactly what she wants by even entertaining her ridiculous and vicious view attacking this particular new mom.

But wonderful seeing somebody come to the defense of this new mommy! Every mom needs all the support she can get!

First, I really think your take on the photo is interesting. It doesn’t resonate with my experiences of breastfeeding, but it is very well stated.

Second, I think it’s strange that it is supposed to be disgusting to see something sexual in that photograph. It seems obviously maternal to me, and obviously sexual. I thought at first playing with the contrast was part of the art.

Human beings are supposed to bond during breastfeeding and during orgasm Bonding occurs via an overlapping mechanism (oxytocin). It’s how we’re built, for better or worse.
(although that’s probably an oversimplification for the multitude of social roles oxytocin plays, perhaps even in the contexts of breastfeeding and orgasm).

There should be nothing surprising that the photograph can provoke strong emotions about motherhood… and certain strong emotions we usually associate with sexuality. To me, the most interesting part is her facial expression- this is not a classic tender moment of breastfeeding intimate bonding between mother and child. It’s less obvious than that.
In some ways, I think it raises questions about how different people might experience oxytocin differently, and how sex workers might experience bonding differently (is it more controlled?).

Anyway, I don’t want to demonize people who see sexuality in the photo for that alone. At the same time, “oh it made me have an emotional response I’m uncomfortable with, BAD ARTIST!” is totally backasswards thinking.

My first take on it was “that looks incongruous” and upon inner examination I found that it was because of internalised ideas that motherhood shouldn’t mix with being glamorous and social – because she’s dressed up and looks like she’s going out.

Nothing about her posture or facial expression says “sexy” to me. Her outfit sort of does, but dressing to look sexually attractive and being sexual are two different things, I think.

To me it looks kind of secondhand-sexual – the hair, makeup, and even the disressed, almost stunned look on her face are the kinds of things that perfume & fashion advertisers often use, when they’re trying to be sexual. They’re a tenuous link to mainstream porn and sometimes an allusion to rape – it looks like one of the early photos in a series that would end with a model-corpse or a woman tied up to something. It’s not sexual in itself but it’s been used so often as a reference to supposed offstage sexual abandon or rape, it jumps out as sexual.

Especially with the dress pulled off her shoulder – here it’s purposeful and we assume she pulled it down herself. But that kind of disarray shows up as evidence of either recent sexual activity or violence in advertising, movies, and photos pretty commonly. And book covers/movie posters – bodice-rippers.

Hmm that’s interesting.
Maybe it’s my babysitting/nannying experience that lets me see her more as a real person, less as a posed/constructed image. But I can see that too now that you have described it.
I often see parents in various stages of ready-to-go-out while they do their last minute parent things as they try to get out the door. It’s often combined with a sense of guilt and exhaustion and too much trying to please everyone (the people she’s going out to see, her kids, me, her partner – all wanting/needing her to play a different role)

I hate to admit it, but I’m one of those people who get uncomfortable with public breastfeeding. I mean, I don’t have a problem with breastfeeding in general, but I don’t like being around it because I was always taught that exposing most parts of a woman’s body was sexual. I don’t really believe that, but it is always in the back of my head. You know?

I think there’s a difference, though, between feeling a bit uncomfortable (while recognising that the discomfort comes from being brought up a certain way), and feeling a bit uncomfortable and using that as a basis for trying to police other people’s behaviour. I’m guessing that even if you feel uncomfortable, you don’t try to stop women breastfeeding in public.

Isn’t it funny how things change, Liz? We were once a species that did everything in public, inclusive of “mating.” Everything was all at once, communal acts, and they weren’t considered embarrassing or over-sexual(ized), or un-acceptable. I think the more we so-call evolve, the less our evolution really happens.

Love the photo. My only background knowledge of FG is the rape apologist crap she churned out around the time Assange was arrested, so I don’t feel the need to take her views that seriously on anything else…

I love the photo. A good piece of art both visually and for the themes it’s working on. My thoughts on seeing it were:

– so if she were wearing trackies and a milk-stained singlet, that would be ok and not sexual?
– some of people’s discomfort with this probably comes from her direct gaze away from her baby and the kind of holding-baby-away position of her arms. She’s breaking the fourth wall a bit… if she were looking lovingly at her baby and holding them very close, it would not feel so like the direct gaze mentioned above.
– If I had not seen this picture in this context I might not have guessed it was fully posed for art… I can think of a number of situations where women who might legitimately have to get this dressed up while still breastfeeding a quite young baby. People mentioned celebrities but what if you have a wedding to go to, or your partner has an important work do on, or you yourself have a high-profile work or community position with a big event on? (What about that school principal who went straight back to work after having a baby? Or that finance minister?) The pose is very pose-y, of course, but the clothes and makeup and hair aren’t to me.

I agree with your comments Hendo. Of course, if she was looking lovingly at her baby it would basically be a boring family portait.

As for being dressed up, I did this at least a couple if times. I went to a fortieth birthday cocktail party when my second was 6 weeks old (without baby). At least a couple of people were impressed I could wear a strapless dress at that stage (but it’s different with your second of course).

It made me think of the weddings I went to with teeny tiny babies — 6 weeks with my first, 3 weeks with my second. Can’t say I managed to look quite that glamorous, but it did involve pulling a strap aside, since there isn’t formal nursing wear out there, that I know of. And to me, she looks kind of zoned and distracted, which is certainly sometimes how I looked when I was breastfeeding! I don’t know, it just looks so incredibly normal to me. I guess in the context of her show, it might be more charged, but goodness, if this is controversial stuff, I must have seriously shocked some wedding guests. I was probably just too exhausted to notice.

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I think this is an absolutely gorgeous picture, and I completely agree… we are so uncomfortable in our culture with motherhood in general. We’re totally comfortable (so it seems) with sexualizing women, less comfortable with them using their mammary glands as they were intended (to feed children), and clearly completely unable to reconcile the two as being potentially harmonious. A woman is either “who she was” or “who she is now that she’s a mom” but there is so little support in allowing her to be both – to integrate her personality. At any rate, in this photo I see someone who is her own person – she is a woman, even glamorous, not just “a mommy”. I think it is a beautiful combination – vulnerable, honest and bare – showing the complexity of who she is.

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I think, and this is based only on how I feel and I have issues in the first place (which is why my child is formula fed). For me, and I’ve been trying to articulate how it makes me feel, breastfeeding that is public or otherwise, (remember I have issues so take that into consideration), that it isn’t the amount of skin, you see that at the beach, in Victoria’s Secret ads, etc, and I have no trouble wearing a bikini, but rather that someone is sucking on the nipples. I am in no way anti breastfeeding and have issues with my own self/body, etc. but I think maybe that is the root of it for me. Now it doesn’t bother me to see pictures of women breastfeeding or be around them, at all, but the idea of doing it myself, particularly in any public setting, makes me cringe…and I think maybe that is why. And maybe that, wrongly, is driving other people’s reactions as well? Or at least some people on a subconscious level? That said, I certainly don’t think she is exploiting her child and you can’t spend your life limiting what you create artistically based on how super conservative people will react OR around perverts (mommy brain, that was not the word I wanted!). Anything you create artistically could trigger someone in terms of discomfort. And yes, perhaps some sex offenders may come to see the art but it is just an infant being naturally fed. That person could be in a park or restaurant or church and be having (still can’t think of the word) inappropriate thoughts while watching that person and the child. No matter where you breastfeed some (giving up on vocab need more caffeine) creepy person could be having thoughts that are outside of what is a “normal” reaction. If they are going to view breastfeeding as sexual or look at the baby as a sexual object or engaged in a sexual activity of course that is creepy and weird but trying to avoid triggering such thoughts in a subset of the population that isn’t thinking or going about life within the parameters of what is consider acceptable social norms is not the way to determine whether or not you should create art. I’m sure throughout history many works of art have triggered a response in some individuals that isn’t…what you want. But those people are always out there and just because that person views the child as a sexual being or engaged in a sexual act doesn’t make the child those things.

I hadn’t thought of it in those terms Wendy. I have always thought that people didn’t like breastfeeding in public because they consider breasts to be sexual so the whole uncovering of part of the breast, necessary to feed the baby, has sexual meaning for them and is something they are uncomfortable with.

I just found your blog the other day and this was the first post I went to. I’m happy that you write about issues of this magnitude, because this is a big issue. People thinking breastfeeding is sexualizing, pictures of babies in diapers is sexualizing-don’t we only sexualize these everyday natural occurrences (whether documented in pictures/video or experienced in real-time) by calling claim to them? By pointing at something and saying “that is sexual” rather than” she is feeding her child”.

I’m curious why Furry Girl doesn’t identify as a feminist, does she not want women to attain/continue to attain equality with men? Is this her attempt at destroying the patriarchy and women’s subversion? By denouncing feminism / feminist theory she’s pushing back against the oppressed(women, lgbtq etc.) not the oppressors. I’ll have to check out her info-I’m now very curious (sarcasm not intended.)