Q+A: How to Date Emily Maynard

Or, you know, the woman everyone in the room wants. Lessons from The Bachelorette's Bachelorette, who's sort of been through a lot.

Emily Maynard, twenty-six-year-old single mother and star of ABC's The Bachelorette, will choose between the love of two men this Sunday night in front of a whole lot of other people watching at home. It's the kind of thing she pulls off surprisingly well. She even seems, well, downright charming. So we called her up to see what insights her experience has given her that would be useful to men who are looking for other such charming women, not necessarily on national TV.

ABC

ESQUIRE.COM: So that first night, you walk in the door, and there are, what, sixteen guys staring at you?

ABC

EMILY MAYNARD: Twenty-five.

ABC

ESQ: Oh my god. Even worse.

EM: Yeah.

ESQ: And all the attention's on you. What's going through your head?

EM: I was so nervous, obviously. You don't really know how to feel. They all have lives back home, and families and jobs and everything. I just wanted to be worthy of them giving all that up. You know what I mean?

ESQ: Did you feel empowered at all by it?

EM: Honestly, no. It was cool. I'm a firm believer in girl power. That's why I love The Bachelorette so much over The Bachelor. But I was still so scared. And if I could go back, I might go into it with a little bit more of that mindset. But you never know if it could be the first season in the history of the show where the guys are like, "You know what? This girl's pretty lame. I think I'm gonna go home. I'm good."

ESQ: Is that even possible?

EM: I think it's happened before. Not all of them, obviously. But who knows? Maybe there were guys on my season who wanted to go home and just hung around for the free booze.

ESQ: It does seem to flow pretty freely over there. So what does one of these men do to get your attention?

EM: Every girl's different, but for me, I tend to like guys who kind of hang at the back and aren't the guy who's like, "Look at me up here. I'm so great. I have such a fantastic job." I like guys who are just themselves and genuine and funny.

ESQ: So you don't want the attention?

EM: All girls like attention. But in that setting, I was more drawn to the guys who had a quieter confidence than the guys who came in on a helicopter.

ESQ: And some of those guys are visibly sweating. What can you do for them?

EM: I remember getting out of the limo on Brad's season [of The Bachelor], and I can honestly say I don't know if I've ever been so nervous in all my life. I tried to remember that, as the guys were getting out, they were really nervous, too. And just be a real human with them, help them to realize it's just two people standing there talking, and you ignore all the cameras. After a while, you really do get used to it.

ESQ: The opposite of that, I think, is Ryan, who sat you down after you didn't give him the rose on your one date, and it seems like you were there for a half-hour, while he tried to convince you that you were wrong.

EM: I'm sure there are a lot of girls who fall for that. That's usually a sign to me that something else is wrong, if somebody is overly confident or a salesman for himself. That's not attractive to me at all.

ESQ: And in the latest episode, you're dating these people in front of their families. That seems a little tough.

EM: I was terrified. I remember my brother bringing girls home growing up, and I was hard on him, you know? That's my brother. So I thought, This is karma. I'm gonna get my ass kicked by all these sisters. And everybody was so nice. My family was really skeptical of all of this and didn't really understand, and they weren't on Brad's season, so I wanted to show how genuine I am in finding somebody. This isn't the most traditional way of going about it, but it can work and be very real.

ESQ: So how does one of the quiet guys make his move?<?p>

EM: You have to give a girl a little bit, but not smother her. I saw something in a couple of the guys, like Sean. He's like a vault almost. And he hung out in the back a lot. But I saw something really special in him that I wanted to get to know better. So it made me work a lot harder. And Jef — he was not into it at all, so it really made me want to work for it. Eventually, true feelings really do start to grow.

ESQ: I was thinking what my strategy would be. The first night, you don't want to get too crazy. But then, I feel like, if something's working, you have to make a move, to go in for the kiss, and be one of the first guys to do that.

EM: Sometimes I think it's good to wait.

ESQ: Yeah?

EM: Yeah, because it makes a girl want it even more and stress out. Why isn't he doing it?

ESQ: So when should he go in for the kiss?

EM: I'd say your first one-on-one date. Maybe.

ESQ: And if I was friendly with all the other guys, would that work out?

EM: I don't think any guy that's being super-competitive over a girl — I don't think that's attractive at all. I want to know that the person I'm with, potentially forever, can be put in any situation and get along with everybody. I don't want him fighting at Christmas parties and stuff. But honestly, all the guys on my season were such good friends that I would walk into a room and think, Am I crashing guys' night? This is awkward. You guys get along too well.

ESQ: So I guess you don't mind being the center of attention among twenty-five men.

EM: I don't like my birthday. I just don't enjoy it. But honestly, being the Bachelorette — any girl who says they wouldn't enjoy that is not being totally honest with themselves.

ESQ: You've done both shows now. Would you say it's better for the man to be the Bachelor or a contestant on The Bachelorette?

EM: Being a Bachelorette was way more fun.

ESQ: Anything else men should know to not do?

EM: Don't come in dressed as a grandmother. Don't compare my daughter to an egg. Those are probably at the top of my list.

ESQ: It seems like you kept some of those guys around a little too long.

EM: It was good, actually. That was a good lesson for me.

ESQ: The egg guy was there through three rose rounds, right?

EM: A little bit further than that, to be honest. He stayed 'til Croatia, which — I don't know if it speaks louder for him or for me. But he was really, really nice. And, honestly, it's fun to have somebody there that just made you laugh.

ESQ: That makes me want to ask about the crying. I've never seen so many grown men tear up.

EM: They did. And I was super-awkward. I think I just made it worse. You would think, as a mom, I should be good at that. But I just wasn't. I learned that about myself, too.

ESQ: Well, a seven-year-old girl is a bit different than a twenty-eight-year-old man.

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