Should You Keep Secrets In Relationships?

How many women you slept with Does she really need to know that she's number 42 on your list of sexual escapades? Having a relatively long list doesn't necessarily mean you can't get serious, it just means you had a few more flings than the average guy; nothing wrong with that. But since she may not see it that way, steer clear of actual figures.

The numbers themselves do little to advance a relationship and will only cause frivolous strain between the two of you.

Things you should reveal

On the other hand, you shouldn't leave your girlfriend completely in the dark either. There are times when keeping information from her is just not an option, especially when the information may directly involve her and/or the relationship. Some examples include:

You've cheated on her or someone else Your best bet, if you truly care about her, is to come clean about your adulterous past (or present, as the case may be) because there's every chance in the world she will find out.

She needs to know what she's up against, and she may not be emotionally ready to deal with someone with fidelity issues. Telling her right away will eliminate any disasterous blow-ups later on.

Where you see the relationship going Don't lead her on. If you don't see the relationship becoming serious, you should fill her in. If you're only looking for a fling while she's looking for a man to father her future children, you need to set things straight before she gets her hopes up. By the same token, you should let her know if you're currently going through a separation with your wife, especially if you're unsure about the state of your impending divorce.

You have (or have had) any STDs This isn't the time to be playing I've Got a Secret . Things may get physical quickly, and your sexually related medical history needs to be addressed, especially since her health is also at stake.

It's a question of responsibility; you may feel embarrassed, but no excuse in the world could justify putting anyone's health at risk.

Where you're going Don't confuse this with asking for permission; you shouldn't need clearance to hang with the boys.

But you should at least have the courtesy of telling her where you're going and when you'll be back. Telling her your destination up front will alleviate her suspicions and earn you some bonus points. Besides, if she really trusts you, she won't have a problem with where you're going (unless of course it's blatantly scandalous, but I digress).

the joy of secrets

There's also something to be said for the exhilarating curiosity that can arise from being with someone that you don't know everything about.

Withholding key — albeit harmless — tidbits of information about yourself can add a sense of mystery that, in turn, will keep the relationship fresh as she learns something new about you each day.

Remember that personal information is sacred and should not be disclosed to any woman you meet just for the sake of getting on her good side. There are other ways to show her you care besides revealing your innermost secrets.

You have to decide if whatever information you're withholding will significantly alter the relationship in its most vulnerable state. But remember that the tighter the relationship becomes, the more you'll have to open up. Secrets among married couples should be scarce at best.