To Any who would Wish to Sue Me: Project
Couch Run (c) raditts 2001. "The Simpsons," the Fox Logo, and
everything else besides the name are copyrights of the giant, looming
FOX corporation, the guys who brought you "Temptation Island."
Every night is action night on NON-STOP FOX. Please don't sue me guys,
this is just a labor of love. Not to be sold for any profit whatsoever.

Just when I was thinking to myself that nothing could top the horrors that are N'Chink and Card Captor
Horror, something always comes along to prove me wrong.
LARP stands for Live Action Role Playing. Confused yet? Well, prepare to wish you'd never heard of them. You see,
there have always been D&D geeks, and for the better part of history, they've kept their deviant acts of nerdism
behind closed doors, making parents' basements and backrooms of dingy Anime shops their dungeon. But then,
a fringe group decided that was simply not enough. Not knowing the entire story, the first time I heard of this was
when the University allowed "players" of "Vampire: The Masquerade" to have their homosexual little game. Since
players of this "game" consist mostly of goths, a group that is known for standing around in public and appearing
to show disdain for all they see while secretly longing for attention and friends, I never drew the connection.

Not until I saw this, that is. Not only
do these paragons of geekdom and utter stupidity chronicle their cavorting, they crudely videotape it as well.
Behold, and scratch your hear in confusion and fright for humanity.

"Speak with Dead": In this video, a pudgy, dumpy girl-like creature (known in the Realms as the Great Androgena)
talks to a kid lying on the ground. Her first words: "Do you have a pulse?" speak of the extensive first-aid
training she must have taken in magic academy, or whatever the hell you call the place you go to get a degree in
magic.

"Okian Warrior": In this video, an Asian kid relives the worst samurai/kung fu movies he must have seen as a kid. I
don't know what kung-fu movies he watched in his youth, though, since I don't remember any of the Seven Samurai or
Bruce Lee's enemies wearing a calf-length dress or black tennis shoes. New age, I suppose. Also providing
accompaniment is a gripping soundtrack which consists of "BOOM-boom-BOOM-boom...BOOM...boom."

"Ogre Battle": The main event of this video set. As far as I can gather, the LARPers believe that even the
characters in their role-playing universes are geeks and also play in gaudy outfits in their parents' backyard until
attacked by poorly costumed beasts. Either that, or they were going with no fantasy element whatsoever by featuring
the house and driveway in the background. The best part of this video is the "magic" element, which seems to
consist of yelling "LIGHTNING BOLT!" over and over again. I went out in the parking lot of my apartment building
yesterday and tried yelling "LIGHTNING BOLT" for an hour to try to make it rain, but all it got me was whacked
upside the head with a billy club and a night in the pokey. Your results may vary.

As if the professionally-done (and I use that term loosely) Japanese
sketches are frightening and hilarious enough to kill an average human
being, the homemade videos that somehow manage to find their way onto
the Internet reach an entirely new level. Here for your consumption tonight
is a "fan" video of some... people (another term used loosely) acting
out the opening sequence to the anime series "Card Captor Sakura." I managed
to catch a couple episodes of this show in English, and it only ranks
slightly below the Japanese bastardization of Transformers as "the stupidest
fucking thing I've seen this year." Apparently the plot is that a stupid
girl released a bunch of living cards from a book, and every formulaic
episode consists of the girl using her magic powers and a little orange
flying thing to capture one of the cards when they cause trouble over
Metropolis, or Tokyo, or wherever the hell it is they're supposed to be.
Naturally this doesn't stop every pencil-necked anime loving geek from
jumping up and down excitedly and yelling "KAWAII!!!!! ^_^", and every
time I think of that I flash back to that horrible day I made the mistake
of going to a meeting of my university's Anime club. But I digress; here
is the video.

Have you ever wondered about geeks? What goes through their minds, what
they like, why they prefer Counterstrike to actual human contact? I know I haven't. But just
in case you're a weirdo and
think about stuff like that, here is a rare look at what happens when
some of those computer science /
engineering majors pull one too many all-nighters. Remember that episode
of The Simpsons where that guy
watches the security tape of Apu pulling a 72-hour shift, and he starts
to think he's a hummingbird?
Well, it don't just happen in cartoons anymore.

What do you do when you're 15, bored, and living in an isolated Midwestern
town on the weekend? In this little
documentary, the answer appears to be "Set yourself on fire."
And this little gang of three retards does just that, as one is lit
on fire while the others watch and videotape the action. Unfortunately
the fire doesn't snuff out the little moron, so natural selection fails
once again. He does have some nice burns though, which he proudly shows
off and should be a reminder to him of how fucking stupid he is... until
next weekend.

The Japanese strike back once again, and it's obvious that they're still
suffering from nuclear fallout now more than ever! This time they're dancing
in front of hundreds wearing nothing but fleshtone leaf underwear in the
latest video to cross my path by apparent Japanese sensation Happatai,
called "YATTA!" It's like the Village People, only infinitely
gayer! Check out this rave review from an unsuspecting patron I sent it
to for sampling purposes:

kts: never talk to me again
kts: that was the worst video EVER
raditts: haha
raditts: I warned you
kts: im going to burn my eyes out now
kts: WHY
kts: WHY?

Remember elementary school, when you had to take Sex Ed? Well, if you
were reared in a mental institution, they may have skipped over all the
crap and gotten to the important stuff, as in "Teach
Me," where two frogs teach you everything you need to know
about the horizontal mambo. Necrophilia, coprophilia... this little Flash
film has got it all.

This is a Flash music video created by John K. (?) of Spumco (the guys
most famous for Ren & Stimpy) and... well, let's just say that
since Ren & Stimpy went off the air, they've been doing a lot more
'explicit' things. This is one of them. There's plenty more stuff on Spumco.net.

Every once in a while, something evolves in nature that is an optimal
combination of many things any race of creatures excels at. And I found
that evolution while exploring the TerpIdiots upload vault a week or two
ago, when I found a clip someone uploaded from some Japanese TV show.
It incorporates 3 of the 5 above qualities; just throw in some violent
porn cartoons and things might be different the next time Godzilla comes
by to stomp Tokyo.

A chronicle of the eternal battle between simian and machine, accompanied
by a soundtrack that asks the question: why?

Karate
Chimp: Just when you thought kung-fu movies didn't get any better...

...you were wrong, as usual. As any non-dumbass knows, kung-fu movies
kick sufficient amounts of ass as it is. But this 25-second video, featuring
a ass-kicking monkey, rivals the best of them. Another mark to prove my
point. This may also be why Iron Monkey is one of the best
damn kung-fu movies of all time. Just a theory, but it may well be true.

The story of Christina Spears, decked out in over-glamourized MTV style
to boot. Who created this or where it came from is a bit of a mystery,
but it seems to have some South Park influences. It's about 50 megabytes,
so you'll want a fast connection if you want to see this one. In MPEG
format.

(Donated by 'kts')

Xiao
Xiao: The
stuff that action kung-fu dreams are made of.

Imagine all the kung-fu movies you were raised on and mercilessly beat
others to, all rolled into one neat package. Now throw in some of the
video games that pulled you through your childhood, and some stick figures
for simplicity. Then you have Xiaoxiao, possibly the best series of Flash
movies ever made. Watch now and die happy and fulfilled.
The elusive creator of this series now has a website archiving these at
http://www.xiaoxiaomovie.com.

Xiao Xiao No.1. This is the original
movie, an AVI file, featuring two stickmen battling it out with flying
handless arms and footless legs.

Xiao Xiao No.2. This is a "playable"
version of stick-man action-kung-fu movie "Xiao Xiao".
I put "playable" in quotation marks because all you really do
is push the space bar at the right time to keep from dying.Enjoy.

Xiao Xiao No.3. This is the most
popular of the series, a Flash movie featuring the main character ("Black
Stickman") beating the living crap out of a bunch of enemies in what
looks like a warehouse before he faces his arch-nemesis ("Purple
Stickman") in a fight to the death peppered with Matrix-esque special
effects.

Xiao Xiao No.4. A playable shooting
game, featuring the main character going into Purple Stickman's vector-graphic
compound and shooting up all his guards before facing Purple Stickman
himself on top of a building. More Matrix-style acction ensues.

A very interesting six minute trip through someone's extremely twisted
psyche to a catchy J-pop beat. One look and flying singing Harry Potter
heads will haunt your dreams for a very long time. Hyakugojyuuichi is
Japanese for "151"; what that has to do with anything is beyond
me. Must be the proof on the bottle of Bacardi the creator chugged before
making it.

My best real guess is that '151' is a Pokemon reference, that being
the original number before Nintendo decided to throw in some more random
freaks of nature to milk the franchise.

This has been confirmed by one 'J.F.': "This song is actually
from pokemon. it's on a cd for the first pokemon movie. So, 151 means
the # of Pokemon."

The cards, dey neva lie.

I have also had the pleasure of being emailed by the criminally insane
creator of this Flash movie, who requested that I put a link here to his
website: www.animutation.com.

(also known as: 'pika.swf')

The
Zero Wing "All Your Base Are Belong to Us" Showcase: The tribute
to the world's worst translation. Ever.

Many years ago on a video game system known in this neck
o' the woods as the Genesis, war was beginning. War in the form
of a video game called Zero Wing. Someone was obviously bent on
starting an international outrage with this pile of a translation, apparently
written by sadistic chimps. However, we being but kids at the time, usually
skipped the introduction and went right into the game, which pretty much
involves shooting things with a spaceship.

But it's back. And it's bigger than ever.

Years later, a site known as Zany
Video Game Quotes featured this butchering for the world to see as
an example of what we have come from as a country.

Another site known as Something
Awful took the line and ran with it. After that, it pretty much snowballed
and proliferated into a catchphrase that swept the nation for a few weeks
or months. Below are the most (in)famous spawn of the craze.

Mr.T vs. CATS. This is the
best revision to the theme yet. Of course, throw in some Mr.T jibbajabba
and you really can't go wrong.

The $20,000 Zig. In
this parody of "The $25,000 Pyramid," wacky hijinks ensue
as we get a double dose of stardom when Zero Wing's OPERATOR teams
up with The Smurfs'PAPA SMURF in an encounter that will
leave the English language butchered and battered within an inch of its
life.

Since the popularity of AYBABTU has spread out of context
and all over the Internet, the very guys at SA that made it famous detest
its very existence. By now, it's all but burned itself out, and has now
joined the ranks of catchphrases like "WHASSUP!!" where it is
required by law in most states that everyone within earshot approach and
severely bitchslap the offending speaker.