Movie Reviews

Feminist Giant Gorilla In A Chainmail Bra. Need I Say More?

Robert I. Hedges | 06/11/2004

(2 out of 5 stars)

"As a fan of grade B movies, I thought I was adequately prepared for anything in a giant gorilla movie, as I have seen 'A*P*E' at least three times now with no side effects. I was so very wrong. This movie, obviously a parody of 'King Kong' (and in fact kept out of general release by Dino de Laurentis and his lawyers since it was made in 1976), is so totally rank in every way that I considered giving it one star, but it does have occasional moments of high camp value that help it up a bit. This is essentially the 'King Kong' story retold from a liberated feminist's point of view. In this film, the work of genius director Frank Agrama (who shares a very boring commentary track with no less a man than Fred Olen Ray!) tells the story of a group of women and one (allegedly) good looking man (the ever annoying Robin Askwith), who must be protected due to his delicacy by the women at all times. They are making a movie in Africa (in the country of "Lazanga Where They Do The Conga") with this loser as the star, when they meet up with Queen Kong. Naturally they bring her back to London where she climbs Big Ben after escaping. Ultimately Robin decides he loves her and they go off into the sunset together. This film has something for absolutely everyone to hate. Rula Lenska and Robin Askwith are more than a bit annoying as the leading characters, the script is sophomoric (please take special note of the "Lady Jaws" special effect for all the evidence of that allegation you will ever need), and the acting is repugnant. I am particularly flabbergasted by the scene in which Rula Lenska speaks "Unga Bunga" to her arch enemy. (She speaks all native languages, you know. Typical line: "Unga bunga, hunga, chunga!") Also not to be missed are the jaw dropping musical numbers. These numbers (especially the one on the 'Liberated lady', their tugboat that they sail from London to Africa) are far worse than anything from "The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Mixed Up Zombies", the previous touchstone for bad dancing (particularly in the now legendary 'Shook Out Of Shape' number.) Of course I adore TISCWSLABMUZ, and all of the Steckler works, as Ray Dennis Steckler has more talent in his left pinky toe than the makers of this travesty have in their collective bodies. Your ears will also be assaulted with what may possibly be the very worst theme song in movie history. I won't get into that further, just suffice it to say that you may be unprepared for the horror.True lovers of grade Z movies owe it to themselves to watch this once. You will be numb when you are done, but then you can smile with pride at having watched the unwatchable. I can't imagine a worse ape film."

This makes the Laurentis version look like oscar material

J. Stoneking | 11/05/2003

(1 out of 5 stars)

"This movie had dumb humor. It was annoying silly. Not funny silly. The jokes were lame. It did not give you the nostalgia of the campy b-movie experience. It just annoyed you until it was merclessly over.It was an activist's version of a monster movie. Just annoying propaganda that got old FAST.If you want a funny "guy in ape suite" that will make you laugh, get "A*P*E" instead. Do your eyes a favor and avoid this crap."

If You Loved Airplane....

J. Stoneking | Kansas City | 11/18/2004

(5 out of 5 stars)

"If you loved Airplane, Kentucky Fried Movie, Top Secret, and other genre parodies of cinema, then you MUST buy Queen Kong. The movie is bad, but bad in such a way that it is actually good, and seems to be bad for comedic effect. I have a feeling that if it wasn't for this movie, perhaps movies like those mentioned already wouldn't exist.

If you have a twisted sense of humor and enjoy a good campy movie that parodies other movies, then this one is for you. If you think it might just be a good B-Movie, then you might want to check something else out. But don't let the one star reviews discourage you from buying this!"