5. I am a goddess, and deserve all the young men who prostrate themselves at my feet daily. Even if they’ve just tripped.

6. I never dislike anyone, even if they’re inconveniently breathing my air.7. I’m not very good with advice, but could I interest you in a sarcastic comment?8. If you massage my stomach up to my boobs, I have the perfect figure.

9. I am a gorgeous, beautiful, assertive, modern woman who deserves chocolate every day.