My Suicide Problem

I would like to commit suicide, but I do not want to risk going to hell. I’m a Christian and I strongly believe in my Lord God, Jesus Christ. I don’t want to let him down, but I want to end my life to depart from this earth and enter his kingdom. At this point, this is all I think about and consider it as my last an only issue.

I have this mindset because of my anxiety disorder and the lack of opportunities for jobs. Allow me to explain. Anxiety has prevented me from maintaining a well-paid job. My work history indicates that I have had several of these employment positions due to my efforts to keep trying. I recently had to quit another similar job. Currently, I have accepted this and decided to obtain a reasonable less-stressful or less-demanding job. (All this involves professional office jobs due to reasonable physical symptoms that prevent me from obtaining a job requiring standing). I am 43 and have a B.A. Degree in Public Administration from the University of Central Florida.

This is the primary reason I want to take my own life: I have honestly and sincerely applied for literally 100’s of jobs (likely up to about a 1000 positions) with some interviews. Due to the poor job market, the competition of so many unemployed people, and being “over-qualified”, I have not been hired. Consequently, I have lost everything, cannot pay bills (months behind), and only have $18.00 to my name in the bank. I’m also about to lose my car insurance and vehicle. Furthermore, I live in a room I’m renting through a friend in his house. Things have changed for the worse as you can see.

Also, it’s because of my anxiety itself and its effects, It has caused me to lose my entire career, my wife (back in 2001), and other relationships with women. I am taking medication for my anxiety, but to add to my issues, I cannot afford the medicine anymore.

In conclusion, I feel that I cannot endure the challenges I mentioned above anymore. I’m alone and no one shows much empathy or understanding, including my family.

You know, if someone would just give me a chance in a new job and make a living, I would feel better and strive to move on. I need meaning in my life. However, the circumstances above make it seem impossible. I'm not crazy, just tired.

Just wayged to say hi and welcome to the forum. I can relate to some of what you're going through, at least with trying to find a job and not being able to. To say it's frustrating is a huge understatement.

I hope you'll continue to post, to reach out here. There are others who are dealing with similar issues, and talking to someone who cares and can relate, may help you to feel less alone.

I had a major suicide attempt last year asnd now I'm overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings from flashbacks that make me want to try to kill myself again. I hope this moment will just pass so I can go on with my life.

Glenn, I'm sorry all of that happened to you. That must have all been really painful, and being here now shows how strong you are. I suffer from extreme anxiety too, I can't seem to stay with any job, location, friends, relationships, school major, or interest in life because I get anxious about getting stuck in a horrible situation, which ironically, now I have. But I keep holding on because I know something better is store for me, and you. All of the best things in life are worth waiting for. I know you have a lot of potential when you are finally given the chance you deserve. It is going to happen. I'm sorry if it is extremely painful, but you will get beyond this, I promise. Best of luck and hope you can feeel better.