Weight loss support with a spiritual element. I will keep you posted on my journey in the hopes that you will join me in becoming the person God wants you to be. Don't worry about being religious. Come as you are.

Friday, September 30, 2011

I mean in my title use our brains or lose them. What exactly is the government's job? I maintain it is to keep me free and to keep me safe. I don't need the government to tell me what light bulb to use nor do I need the government's guidance concerning what I eat. Inform me without spinning it for political reasons - I will then make my decisions concerning alternative energy, recycling, and what car to drive. The free market will sort it out if the government would stick to what government is for. If people don't buy incandescent bulbs because of the information available and their own convictions about the environment, they won't be manufactured. If people want to conserve fuel they will buy smaller cars and so many larger ones won't be manufactured. As people spend more and more money on organic foods more will be produced. When alternative energy becomes cost effective, people will buy it. If the post office, trash collection, and social security became privatized do you think a better, more cost effective job would be done? Competition is a good thing. It affects quality and price. Do the people who support socialism and big government think that they will be best buddies with the ruling class? They will be part of the unwashed masses like the rest of us. Wealth is being redistributed by taking it out of the economy through taxes and then putting it back in via social programs. The top 5% of the wage earners pay 50% of the tax burden and Obama says they should pay their fair share. The premise here is they are not paying their fair share - excuse me? Class warfare tells people that if only the rich had less then they would have more. Check and see if that bottom group graduated from high school, what kind of a job they have, how many illegitimate children they have and how young they were when those children started coming, do those children all have the same father? Can we turn this around? I don't think so. I guess I am pessimistic but this lifestyle seems to be handed down from generation to generation. The mother of a woman I used to teach with was really concerned about how many children these people had who could not afford them and did not know how to parent. People with good educations, careers, and advantages have one or two children - some none at all. This is a scary scenario that is unfolding.

If we don't think for ourselves what lies ahead? We have separated consequences from behavior. People make poor choices and then whine about the consequences or never overcome what has happened. I look at some of our youth and think how sad that this is how they think they have to distinguish themselves--by being outrageous ( check this out at www.jensgyrations.blogspot.com). Bring that up and there will be all the arguments about ego, self-expression, finding themselves, etc. How about achieving something? I just heard on the news that there is a student who is a very good football player. He is not allowed to carry the ball after he scores two touchdowns to make things "fair". I could not believe my ears. Any of your kids play in sports where they don't keep score so there won't be hurt feelings? Graduation rates are dismal in many places AND WE ARE LETTING IT HAPPEN. Why can't we be practical and look around and see what's happening to us? There is rebellion everywhere. I heard on the radio a comment that a democracy will last about 200 years before falling. America has beat that but, honestly, would you say we have much longer if we continue as we are? I think democracy fails because people gradually give up their rights and let government do what they should be doing themselves. Socialism is next. Communism is next. A dictatorship follows. Then people rebel because they have nothing left to lose and the cycle will begin again. This is my theory. I don't know of any nation that has gone through this whole cycle. I also don't know of any nation that has been successful under socialism or communism. Europe and Asia can be used for that example. Civilization was there before it was here. We should be watching their situations carefully and learning I think.

We can even extend this to our weight problems. Any of you ever done rebellious eating? - that "I'll show you" attitude? The rules about health and weight and eating were only meant for others. We were going to do as we please. Even now we have trouble using plain old "horse sense" as it used to be called and why? The discomfort associated with doing without is difficult to bear. People get into financial difficulties because they can't wait to pay for something with cash so they charge it. We can't wait a year or more to get at our goal weight; we want it now. The things we over-do are usually the things that aren't really necessary at all. Eating unhealthy foods, drinking alcohol, charging things to support a lifestyle. A man I used to work with remarked about some sale items I told him I had bought and he said, "If you don't need it, you didn't save any money" - I just didn't waste quite as much. He also said the only things you should ever go into debt for are a house and a car. He even paid cash for his cars. He was debt free. He practiced self-discipline.

What if we exercised his kind of control in all areas of our lives? We would not be in debt over our heads and we would not be needing to lose weight. He used his brain. He started using it at a young age from the examples and guidance of the adults in his life. "If only I had known then what I know now".

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Are we dreamers or doers? The first question above asks us about something very important. The dream of a lifetime would be something pretty big if we want to spend our lives in its pursuit. Sometimes dreamers are thought of as people who never get anything accomplished. We hear of pipe dreams, only in your dreams, dreaming something up, a dream come true.

What makes a dream come true? Are we making things come true that we never would have dreamed about? We have made negative things come true that never in our wildest dreams would we have desired. Why would anyone ever want to make obesity a reality? Why do we let it remain? Are we only dreaming of being at our goal weight or are we on a plan to get there?

Let's live the dream. Let's live "as if" - as if we are at our goal weight. If, in the morning, we woke up and weighed our perfect weight would we eat 6 donuts? Would we ruin it? Would we start a binge? There would be some who would ruin it because it just wouldn't fit their self-image. This is a big thing to work on, I think - self-image. Do we think we deserve to be slim? Do we even think it is possible? When we look at ourselves in a picture, for example, are we surprised at how we look? At how our clothes fit? Many of us take so much care of from the neck up. The hair, the make-up, the jewelry - what if we were that careful about the neck down? I know when I see a picture of me I am always surprised at how big I look, how about you? I have heard of people putting a full body picture of themselves on the refrigerator. There are bloggers I really admire who have the guts to put full body shots on their blogs - I have one picture but some have a progression of pictures to show their loss as they go - I think that's great. They are facing it square and true.

I didn't weigh myself today. I think I will wait until Sunday at the usual weigh in for the challenge. I think I am pushing it because weighing every day can add another battle and I have been wanting to eat tonight and my stomach has not growled. I had a nice meal at about 2 p.m. I will wait until tomorrow at this point. It's after 10 p.m. on Tuesday as I write this.

I weighed 203.5 this morning - a 4 lb. difference from yesterday. My scales are pretty accurate. I weighed twice because I couldn't believe my eyes. Maybe the 4 lb. loss is the real loss I should have seen when the 2 lb. gain occurred? Could there have been that much water retention from that stupid pretzel and candied pecans? I guess so. I will wait until tomorrow morning before I rejoice too much. My scales only go in half-pound increments so small losses or gains don't register like with the scales that register in tenths. I always notice the thoughts that jump into my head when something like this happens - "I have room to eat some extra stuff today" NOT.

I spent yesterday evening at the emergency room with my husband. He fell down a couple of basement steps and wrenched/jammed his back. He has had two shots in his back for pain and now this. The x-rays showed a compression fracture. He needs an MRI, then a procedure known as kyphoplasty? They pump glue into the vertebrae to fill in the depression where the fracture is. He was writhing with pain and in tears. He was given morphine and a muscle relaxer and given percoset (sp?) for pain. We don't have insurance. He is a veteran so we are checking into the VA Hospital in Dayton to see if he can be treated there. I had planned to try a new recipe last night but ended up grabbing another food bar on the way to the emergency room. Yesterday's food was my usual morning food bar, a small bag of peanuts because I wanted to be growling for supper, and then the food bar for supper in the emergency room.

Are any of you getting the malware/virus warnings when trying to visit sites? I have at Plump Nonfiction and Something Brilliant is Brewing - two sites I have always visited regularly. Do we let those people know or are they notified? I am glad to be notified but miss reading those two blogs. Hopefully this clears up soon. There was another blog earlier where this happened but I can't remember which one.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Cardiovascular problems were cited several times in this article. Desperate people will try this and it sounds like some will die. Those who are are obese probably already have compromised cardiovascular systems. Thinking of myself a few years ago, I would have tried it. I know I would have. It would not have mattered that I was taking such a risk if there was the hope of losing my weight without having to work at it myself. People have made millions off of obese people who are desperate to lose weight without effort. Remember the Phen-Phen thing? I think there were heart problems associated with that as well.

Anyway - I am back to 207.5 this morning. When something like this happens I think and think and think about what could have been the reason. I can only think of one thing - I was on call Saturday and had to go to an ATM that my company had rented out to Oktoberfest. I had had my morning food bar and it was late afternoon as I waited on one of our guys with a new bill dispensing unit for the one that kept getting bill jams. There were food tents everywhere and I couldn't go far so I had one of those soft baked pretzels with the salt on top and I put mustard on that. I then had one of those small cones of pecans that had sweet goop on them. Believe me it was a small cone. So - 200 calories for the food bar, I will give the pretzel 300 calories, the pecans I will give 500 calories - that's 1,000 calories. I growled at night and had an Atkins food bar which was about 200 calories I imagine. I was OK on calories but not on sodium is the only reason I can think of since the 2 lb. is gone. This brings me back to staying the same going from growl to growl so I still need to tweak a bit. I do feel better about the whole thing now. As I have said, my problem is stopping. I have been very successful waiting for the growl. I don't eat until I am stuffed and uncomfortable but I evidently need to stop sooner so that's Job 1 this week. Yesterday I did not growl until after Church so I made myself a large salad for lunch. I had a baby shower to go to and there was all the usual snack and sweet stuff there. I had coffee. I did not growl for the rest of the day so I went to bed only having had that large salad at lunch for the day. Didn't even have the food bar.

I have decided to weigh myself every day until I get the feel of this. I have to admit I hate journaling, planning, writing, following the rules - it becomes another job for me. I know the basics of good nutrition. I want the freedom of waiting for the growl and then eating. If I fall on my face with this I can always go back to something more structured but I am going to stick with this until I prove to myself one way or the other if this is something I can live with and be successful doing.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

I honestly was surprised at a 2 lb. gain this morning - 209.5 - if I were you I would be thinking "she just didn't tell us everything that she ate" because I imagine that's what you are thinking and with good reason. It would seem I would have to eat more than a 200 calorie food bar and then a meal each day in order to gain 2 pounds. I got in the 8 glasses of water on all but 2 days. I haven't gotten to exercise as much because of the extra ATM's on my route for a while but that isn't much of an explanation either. I am going to be stubborn and continue because this is the way I want to eat - waiting for the growl. I am going to continue another week with this same eating plan - one week shouldn't be the only test. Hope all of you had a great week. Let's all do our best, make any necessary adjustments, and have good reports next time.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

I have always found it peculiar that when I am nearly at some goal of mine that my first thought seems to be about messing it up. Tomorrow morning will be the first weigh-in after the beginning of the challenge and it will be an entire week of waiting for my stomach to growl before eating. I think subconsciously I want to have a good reason (one that is under my control) for not getting good news in the morning. I don't want to possibly face bad news when I think I deserve good news.

If I don't get good news in the morning I will be working on waiting for the growl AND more attention to portion control. I feel like if I have waited for the growl I am truly empty and have even burned some stored fat while waiting. I have had a food bar at my first growl of the day and a full meal at the second growl each day. That has been how each day has gone.

Don't I DESERVE to lose some weight? That's where we get ourselves into trouble I think. We set ourselves up for disappointment when we feel like we have done more right stuff than wrong stuff so the balance should be in our favor. We get into the business of what's "fair", what we "deserve", our "rights". Doesn't work that way does it?

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Both yesterday and today I had a Quest food bar at about 9 a.m. when my stomach groweled. Yesterday my stomach groweled about 2 p.m. I had a Subway salad. Hint for these salads - don't you hate how when you take off the lid there is cheese and dressing stuck to it? Well - here's what I do. I have them put the lettuce/spinach on the bottom, salt/pepper that, then put the dressing on and the cheese. Everything else goes on top of that. I always have chicken and bacon on it and I also have them cut the bacon up into smaller pieces. They will do that with the tomatoes and cucumbers as well if you ask. I do not get the croutons and crackers. I then went through the Burger King drive through and got a vanilla soft serve cone. My mouth is usually on fire after the jalapeno peppers in the salad and that cools and is a nice, sweet, little dessert. That was all I had for the day. I got in the water during the drive on the route.

My thighs are so sore today that I didn't go to Jazzercise. I had to requalify with my revolver last night. You have to keep doing each test until you pass it. I had to do one of them four times I think. I had to walk up to a barricade, pull my weapon, fire at a torso target twice, drop to my knee and shoot another torso target twice. While on my knee I had to empty my weapon and reload. I had to stand up, change my revolver to my left hand and shoot a torso target twice to the left of the barricade, drop to my knee and shoot another target twice. I had trouble with that and after doing that a few times my thighs were screaming and they are so sore. Wouldn't you think with doing Jazzercise and Step Aerobics that I wouldn't get so sore? I can see why one of the 5 best exercises suggested by a person (forget who) that says we do not need equipment and weights - just our own body weight for the best results - is lunges. The others were sit-ups, pull-ups, push-ups, and planks.

Anyway, I was groweling on the way home from my last ATM. My husband called and suggested going out for Chinese and then going and getting ANOTHER German Shepherd puppy. We have been wanting our own pair and this one is a sable and his name is Sarge.

Here is Belle:

One of these days I will learn to keep my opinions to myself regarding politics. I didn't make a very good impression over at Losing Weight After 45 I guess. When a person blogs and then doesn't like the comments the usual reply is that it is their blog which is true and he/she will determine the content - that's what I do with my comments ;-) Religion and Politics will always get people going.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

I growled about 8 a.m. this morning while I was driving and ate my food bar which was about 200 calories. I did not growl again until about 2:30 at which time I had a grilled hamburger on two pieces of Ezekiel bread (made from sprouted grains and no wheat), 2 hard boiled eggs, some cottage cheese, slice of cheese on the burger with onions, tomato, relish, ketchup. I also had a small slice of green tomato pie with some low fat ice cream. This will be all that I eat today as I am sure I will not growl again until tomorrow. I am getting ready to go to Jazzercise.

I figure my total calories are well within weight loss range but I also remember a study I once read about. A control group of rats was given a set number of calories which were spread out over the day and the experimental group was given their calories all at once. The experimental group gained weight, the others did not and the conclusion was that the body can only handle so many calories at once. Too much at once and it will store some of it.

Yesterday when I growled in the afternoon, I finished off two large pieces of leftover pizza - the equivalent of 1/4 of a large pizza. That was all I had in addition to the food bar. I have been getting in the water and the only other calories both days would be coffee creamer.

Sunday's weigh-in will tell the story. If I get bad news I will work on portion control. Waiting until the growl means I am really, really hungry when I eat so I will have to work on my head as well. I am determined to eat this way. I know I can learn to stop sooner if that's what is necessary.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Yesterday went well. My problem is stopping as I have said before. I can wait for the growl most of the time. Starting over with this method is just waiting for the next growl - no Mondays, after the holidays, or after some special event here.

My stomach did not growl until about 11 a.m. and I had a Quest Protein Bar with me so that is what I had as I was out fixing ATM's in Ohio. I am a label reader so noticed the Apple Pie Bar had 170 calories in it. I started growling again about 2:30 or so and considered a Subway salad but then also considered the fact that I was on my way home and in an hour I could have soup beans, corn bread, and fried potatoes - one of my all time favorite meals. I don't care how you fix beans - I like them - same for potatoes. I had also made a green tomato pie so I am thinking I have only had 170 calories and this is my last meal for the day and it's what I really want so I waited until I got home. I was really hungry. I had my meal and that was all I ate for the rest of the day. It was so not low-carb. A Subway salad would have been a healthier option for sure.

I was thinking today while on my route what the body is doing as I wait for the growl. I suggest that the body yearns to be healthy. It has amazing abilities to heal itself and works to be at its best. We just have to support those efforts. So - when the stomach isn't growling the body is burning off that extra food stored because we didn't support health and ate too much. Those people who are at the optimum weight will growl more often and more intensely because the body doesn't have so much to fall back on. I have heard people rationalize their extra weight as insurance - they will be able to provide the body with extra fuel during an illness unlike those slim people who are really going to be in trouble if they get sick.

I don't want to be trapped in a body that doesn't work right, how about you? This is the only one we get. I am going to take better care of my body so my life will be more like I want it to be.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

It's off to the races and all that. Not really. The new challenge begins to day - Give Yourself the Best Gift.

This isn't a game nor is it a race but I am really pleased with my beginning weight - 207.5 - I have not weighed since the end of my last challenge where I was 209. That was about 3 or 4 weeks ago and I have been trying to live according to my Action Points listed below. Without that scale as barometer there can be a "drifting" to old ways. Waiting for the growl is such a dependable way to determine when to eat. It is also very threatening and can cause that feeling of anxiety because we are not in control of when our next meal is. Once I got over that to a great extent it was certainly liberating to know when that growl came I could have exactly what I wanted to eat. We then get into portion control but that will also determine when the next growl occurs.

1. What I really want to give myself this holiday season:

I want to give myself the gift of weighing below 200 pounds. Throughout this holiday season I will give myself the gift of self-control by waiting for true hunger which will be a stomach growl and eating slowly enough to recognize that comfortable sense of being satisfied. This gift of weighing below 200 by the new year will be achieved through behavior modification. This will not be another job of journaling, counting calories, or planning. I will praise God each day with a time of Bible Study and prayer. I will be more productive so as to accomplish what needs to be done around the house and yard without unnecessary wasted time.

2. Action points:

a. Daily quiet time through study and prayer.
b. Waiting for stomach hunger which is the growl.
c. Drinking 8 - 10 glasses of water daily.
d. Exercising 3 - 5 times per week.
e. Stopping eating at comfortable and satisfied.
f. Taking small bites and chewing slowly with a drink of something between bites.
g. Accomplishing a reasonable "to do" list each day.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Some of Jack's tips are pretty cute. I especially liked "One way to get more fruits and vegetables into your diet is to eat more fruits and vegetables". I was thinking about posting about food rules and this seems to be a good intro.

Here are some of the food rules that I think we tend to let get in the way. Some are useful; some are not very helpful.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I know people who never eat breakfast and have lived a long and healthy life. Who thought this one up? Are we saying that if we don't eat for 12 hours or so something bad will happen?

Eat three meals a day.

No dessert until after the meal. What about instead of a meal?

Eat more to lose weight because of metabolism. I just read a comment on someone's blog that 1300 calories probably wasn't enough calories for weight loss and this person recommended eating more. ??????

Eat less to lose weight because of metabolism. We have all heard about the starvation response. We have used to explain a plateau or help someone deal with not losing weight like that person expected. Weight loss speeds up and slows down. It just does. We must deal with it. We don't need to go all scientific about it. If we consistently eat fewer calories than we burn we will lose weight. We get paralysis from analysis.

Rapid weight loss is unhealthy. This is one sure way to get the muscle loss lecture. It is true I think that too rapid too long at the expense of nutrition will have negative consequences.

We must eat balanced meals. This is probably a good idea at least once a day but who hasn't had pizza for breakfast? Pizza really is pretty nutritious occasionally. The salt and fat content make it a food to be careful with. Isn't it true that our bodies can manufacture nutrients that we need? We celebrate with food. We grieve with food (ever had food delivered after a death in the family?) If we are going on a trip what's one of the first things arranged for? Eating. Coolers are packed. We decide where we will stop and eat. Get a group of women together for an outing and where to eat lunch is the biggest decision of the day. If going on a 3 or 4 hour trip we pack snacks just in case - what if we got hungry on the interstate between exits?

Parents are great at food rules: clean up your plate, there are starving kids somewhere so eat up, and better eat now it's a long time until supper are a few of the old standards. Parents also reward with food, use food as a babysitter, use food as a bribe, use food as a punishment (were you ever sent to bed without your supper?) - is it any wonder so many kids are messed up and grow up into messed up adults? If we are sick, they want us to eat. They want us to eat when it's "time" to eat. They want us to eat it before it gets cold. They want us to eat it so it won't be wasted. Isn't it wasted if we eat food we don't want and it gets stored as fat? I have known of parents who cater to picky kids. The lady I used to teach with said she remembered her mother giving her brother money to go eat fast food because he wouldn't eat what she fixed for supper. That might ever happen at this house.

Have any of you ever heard stories from the depression years? The neighbor who babysat the boys said one year they got out the beans that intended to plant and the bugs had eaten holes in them. She said times were hard so that even though they couldn't be planted they were cooked and eaten. Imagine that today.

Heck, our pets are even fat because they are fed from the table.

Do you have any food rules to share from your childhood or any food rules currently in use?

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

It is pretty cut and dried if you have growled or not and that is one reason to use this as your cue to eat. The growl is above your waist not below it because that is where the stomach is. This tells us that we are completely empty. It is getting easier but I can tell you when I want to eat I can think up all kinds of reasons to go ahead before the growl. Some people fast and survive it so I am pretty sure there is no danger :-) We want to go by the clock and all those "breakfast is the most important meal of the day" kind of platitudes help us dream up a reason to eat. I haven't been growling until late morning for the first time. I think it would take a little more than waiting to the growl to slow down metabolism. I can tell you it is great to know when I growl I can have exactly what I want to eat - that is also one thing that makes it easier to wait. I have also found that I don't want to waste my growl on food that isn't really great. You can get used copies of Gwen Shamblin's books to read up on her philosophy of eating between the boundaries of hunger and fullness if you are interested. There are on-line classes - just google Weigh Down Workshop.

Another thing you'll have to be willing to do is to give up a routine or a schedule regarding eating because you don't know when you will growl. I am not a schedule/routine person so that is not a problem. You can lean to "schedule" your growl by how much you eat. Eating less earlier in the day will cause a growl to come at the time for the family reunion for example. You can pass up a growl knowing it will come back around and since you already growled you know you are ready for some food! The more weight we have to lose the less often we will probably growl because the body will want to burn up all those extra meals stored on the hips and gut.

Some people would have trouble with this because of the freedom. The comfort of structure is a help to some people. Some people don't want to have to make decisions concerning food. Some of us need the focus that a food plan provides. We are all in different places. I do think it is important to choose something and stick with it instead of what I read on some blogs "see if this will work", "that didn't work, I am going to try X and see if it works". We all recognize that game. Some might get headaches doing this and some have blood sugar problems or other things to deal with so all of this must be taken into consideration. I read of many who are having success with Weight Watchers and counting calories. I still watch carbs even though I am doing this. I am on a Subway salad kick. I am not playing games with this. Even when I growl I don't do things like eat a whole pizza or go for pie and ice cream although if pizza is what you want that is what you should have - just remember - you have growled and your stomach is the size of your fist so keep that in mind and stay calm about it. When you are done you must wait for the next growl.

I would be interested to know if you waited for a growl, what emotions you experienced, and what you think of this way of being in control. Staying busy helps a lot. Don't sit around wondering when it will happen and be all cued up to race to the food. It will be there. If you growl and can't get to food right away think about the emotions you are experiencing. I have come to the conclusion that the amount of food in the house is one of the things that makes me think I should be eating. What if it spoils? What if someone else gets to it before I growl and can have some of it? I keep this grocery list going so we run out of nothing. I read of a woman who got tired of that and decided she would only make meals from what was in the cupboards. She only went to the grocery for things that must be bought fresh. It was two or three months before she had to shop for non-perishables. I find comfort in having lots of food around. What's up with that? How about you?

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

This was on my sister's blog. She has had the roux-en-y surgery and says she would do it again tomorrow. Her last straw came when she couldn't fit into a seat at an event. She didn't sue the stadium over larger seats, she did something about the weight.

It's hard to understand the mindset of a person who thinks the world owes him or her something like this. I have trouble with these eating contests as well but whatever wiggles your toes I guess. It just seems mindless to me. I am trying not to be so judgmental and it's really hard.

I have successfully waited for the growl before eating for three straight days now. I am eating only twice a day because that's just how it works out. Hope everyone is OK out there.

Back in my blogging days I wrote a whole analysis of real vs. emotional hunger. I remember a few of the points...
Emotional hunger comes on you suddenly. Real hunger comes on gradually and quietly.
Real hunger can be set aside for awhile if you're busy, emotional hunger will have a sense of urgency that is distracting.
Real hunger can be satisfied by eating anything. Emotional hunger is usually fixated on a desire for a specific food.
Real hunger can be satisfied by eating. Emotional hunger may not send a satiety signal at all and you'll want to keep eating, even after you're full.
If we can just recognize the kind of hunger we are experiencing we are better equipped to deal with it without eating. I know mouth hunger and head hunger are very real and so is emotional hunger. The statement that real hunger can be set aside for a while made me think. I had never considered that before but it's true. The panic I have felt from emotional hunger has been difficult to deal with and I think mouth hunger is just as bad.
Which is worse for you?

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Well, it's after noon and my stomach has not growled yet. I am going to wait for that. I really want to get used to going from growl to growl and if I don't eat much at each growl the next one will come around before too long. This is the most difficult time. I am working on staying calm about it and thinking it through. The growl happens when the hydrochloric acid in the stomach has nothing to work on and the stomach does somewhat of a flip.

Princess Dieter's Christmas Dress Challenge started today and the dresses that have been posted on the blogs of some of the participants are gorgeous. My challenge starts next Sunday so I am doing some psychoanalysis on myself as this last week passes. I am doing the one by Thrice Blessed - you see it to the right. Being part of a Challenge provides a focus and also accountability not to mention much needed support. My old self that says to me that I can eat what I want and as much as I want and do as little as possible because it's next Sunday before I have to get serious again must be squashed. I have not given in to that but I sure did think about it.

I am going to go ahead and get started with some of my goals and action points that I will be posting next Sunday along with my weight. I haven't weighed since the end of the last challenge I was in and I am not going to weigh again until next Sunday. My focus during this challenge is going to be on behavior changes rather than calorie counts and carbohydrate counts. I can start taking a drink of something between bites right now. I can also make sure I get in 8 - 10 glasses of water per day. I slack on that pretty easily. My daily quiet time is missed more than it should be. Waiting for the growl and stopping at satisfied and then waiting for the next growl before eating again will be the most difficult behavior changes for me but I really want to get this mastered. If I want it badly enough, I will do it.

A good goal must have a deadline; it must be measureable; it must be realistic; and it must be under our control.

I will have to check but I think my challenge ends December 18 so it has a deadline. I just want to be under 200 pounds by then so it is measureable. It is realistic - no problem getting there in that amount of time. It is under my control - it isn't dependent on what anyone else does - just me.

The new German Shepherd puppy is doing well. Her name is Belle. Puppies are so much fun. They can be messy at times though. Looking forward to the chewing on everything (NOT).

We had a family reunion here today. The weather was great. I have family that live within 25 miles of me that I see once a year at the reunion. Isn't that sad? Reunions seem to be poorly attended in my case. It is usually the older ones and as they die, there are fewer and fewer who show up. Our younger people don't seem interested. Is this the result of electronically communicating so much? While the younger ones are so used to texting, emailing, facebooking, blogging, etc., the personal touch seems lost. We would never say the things to each other in person that I have read on facebook and in blog comments. Just bring up the topic of religion or politics on facebook and see what I mean. Criticizing another person is another sure bet for flame thrower comments. There is usually someone who reduces the topic to name calling and profanity. Just some observations and musings. What's your take on our ability to communicate well? How about your family reunions if you have any?

Friday, September 9, 2011

We bought a German Shepherd puppy tonight. Her name is Belle and she is 6 weeks old. We need another guard dog since the racoons ate all my peaches and there was someone on our porch the other morning trying to determine if the house was empty.

I am finishing up Geneen Roth's book. She ends with "The Eating Guidelines" or if the reader prefers, "The if love could speak instructions".

Here they are:

1. Eat when you are hungry.
2. Eat sitting down in a calm environment. This does not include the car.
3. Eat without distractions (radio, television, newspapers, books, intense or anxiety-producing conversations or music.
4. Eat what your body wants.
5. Eat until you are satisfied.
6. Eat (with the intention of being) in full view of others.
7. Eat with enjoyment, gusto, and pleasure.

I wonder if these are too vague.

1. Head hunger, mouth hunger, and thirst can all be confused with being truly in need of food. This is why waiting for the growl is so reliable. We are either growling or we are not. It is not up to interpretation.
2. I can do this on the weekends for the most part and in the evenings through the week. When driving the armored truck or on a service call not so much.
3. The television is often on during a meal. We often do not eat together as our schedules and habits are so different. This one would be a challenge.
4. I can do this. My problem is that I wait until I am very hungry and then open the refrigerator and see what's quick - I have to work on this one.
5. Stopping is my biggest problem - for me a little food on a saucer and eating all of it works best for me. If I am waiting on a growl I will just growl sooner when it's time to eat again. My most difficult time is between the empty feeling and the growl. Staying busy helps with this.
6. Often I am by myself and eat alone. I can see where this one would be helpful. Overeating is done privately - sometimes in public if everyone else is pigging out too and we can just "blend in". It is usually done in private though.
7. We overeaters tend NOT to enjoy our food because we are eating so fast. Remember that the stomach cannot taste and we need to enjoy the food in our mouth where we can taste and enjoy it. Once it is swallowed we have to take another bite (rather quickly I might add) in order to experience the enjoyment again.

These are all things we all need to consider and work on the ones that are feasible. There is probably too much leeway for many of us. We all have some behaviors we need to change. I know I could make a list of about 10 things pretty quickly and many of them have not been given the attention that I should be giving them because I rebel against the structure that is necessary to be successful at this but until there is a better way this is my lot in life. It's being aware of what I really, really want.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Permitters find any kind of rules abhorrent. If they've ever lost weight on a diet, it was through wrenching, abject misery. They are suspicious of programs, guidelines, eating charts.

Permitters say, "I've gained fifty pounds in the last six months and I just can't understand what happened." Whereas a Restrictor operates with hypervigilance, with their antennae in constant motion like those of a sea anemone, Permitters prefer going through life in a daze. That way, they don't need to feel pain--theirs or anyone else's. If I'm not aware of it, there's nothing to fix. If I go through life asleep, I don't need to be concerned about the future because I won't be aware of it. If I give up trying, I won't be disappointed when I fail.

Like Restrictors, Permitters operate on the need to be safe in what they consider hostile or dangerous situations. But unlike Restrictors, who try to manage the chaos, Permitters merge with it. They see no point in trying to control the uncontrollable and have decided that it's best to be blurry and numb and join the party. Have a good time.

Geneen Roth has a Permitter friend, Sally, whom she calls her what-the-hell-friend. "No matter how I feel when I arrive at her house I soon find myself thinking, "Oh, what the hell. Might as well drink champagne from crystal goblets. Might as well paint my toenails gold. Might as well take a bath in the middle of the day in her giant tub with the mermaid spouts. What was I so caught up in before I got here, anyway?" Being with Sally feels like being on a binge without the food.

Although both Permitters and Restrictors believe that there is not enough to go around, that they won't get what they need, Restrictors react to the perceived lack by depriving themselves before they can be deprived; Permitters react by trying to store up before the bounty/love/attention runs out. They are the ones from whom the (distorted) stereotype of "fat and jolly" derive because they often appear as if they are having fun. They look like they are carefree, but only because they refuse to include anything that impinges on their protective orb of numbness. Their lives depend on denial in the same way that Restrictors' lives depend on deprivation--and when your very survival depends on sailing through life by eliminating the lower rungs of truth, it is no longer fun. Or jolly.

Nonetheless, since most of the culture does not delve beneath the world of appearances, it seems as if Permitters have more fun. For a Restrictor, being with a Permitter is like being let out of school for a snow day. It's like being with someone from another planet. When I go to Starbucks with a Permitter friend, I order a small chai tea with organic milk and no water. She orders the biggest possible Frappuccino--not the lite kind--with extra whipped cream. "But it's eleven in the morning," I say. She grins and says, "Life is short, honey, want some whipped cream?"

So are you a Restrictor or a Permitter. I had a weird realization when I read this information. I am a Restrictor when it comes to food but a Permitter when it comes to spending money. How about you?

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

When I stopped dieting I mistakenly assumed that all compulsive eaters craved rules, guidelines, order until they rebelled against them and binged. But about ten years ago, my dietician friend Francie White told me that some people hate diets. Some people rebel the second--not three weeks after--they are given a food plan. Their lives are like one long binge.

As I explored this with my students, I discovered that roughly half of them had never been successful on a diet. They weren't interested in rules or order or being told what to do. They told me about the nether world of glazy-dazy eating uninterrupted by restriction. The world of finding themselves at the refrigerator without understanding how they got there. Of finishing a cake before they remembered eating the first bite. It became clear that no all bingeing is driven by deprivation; in half of emotional eaters, bingeing (or, at the very least, consistent overeating) is a way of life punctuated by sleep, work, time with family. Which led me to the conclusion there there are two kinds of compulsive eaters: Restrictors and Permitters.

Restrictors believe in control. Of themselves, their food intake, their environments. And whenever possible, they'd also like to control the entire world. Restrictors operate on the conviction that chaos is imminent and steps need to be taken now to minimize its impact.

For a Restrictor, deprivation is comforting because it provides a sense of control. If I limit my food intake, I limit my body size. If I limit my body size, I (believe I can) limit my suffering. If I limit my suffering, I can control my life. I make sure that bad things don't happen. That chaos stays away.

The extreme pole of restriction blooms into anorexia--life-threatening starvation--but all Restrictors believe in deprivation, restriction and containment as guiding principles. When we eat together at my retreats, I know the Restrictors immediately: there is more space on their plates than food.

One of their core beliefs is that less is more. If less of me shows, that's less to get hurt. If I cut myself off at the knees, then I won't have too far to fall when someone else brings out their sword. Eating less--and therefore being thin--is equated with being safe.

When calories were the measurement of the day, Restrictors knew how many calories were in a small apple, a dish of ice cream, an Oreo cookie. When the au courant measurement switched to the glycemic index, they knew how many grams of fat, protein, and carbohydrates were in a piece of toast, a teaspoon of olive oil, a blueberry muffin. What's that, you say? Oat bran is the newest miracle food? Great, I'll put it in everything I eat for the next 10 years. Oh? Oat bran causes cancer? Okay, I'll stop eating it immediately. Since restriction/deprivation is translated as control, and since control means safety and safety means survival, any prospect of deprivation elicits relief: Tell me what, when, and how much to eat. Give me lists to memorize. Give me the rules and I will be yours forever. My life depends on it.

Since Restrictors are constantly trying to contain the wild energy stomping to be released--the full moon, after all, is always only days away--they can never truly relax. Since they are trying to stave off the inevitable, they have to work very hard, and since they have to work so hard, they have convinced themselves that suffering is noble. And if it's not hard, it's not worth doing.

They are not exactly a laugh a minute, but laughter and fun are not their goals. For fun (or what passes for it), we turn to their sisters, the Permitters.

My next post will describe the Permitter. (I'm tired - worked out of Cincinnati again - 12 hour day).

Sunday, September 4, 2011

I have been reading "Women, Food, and God" by Geneen Roth. Here are some words that caught my attention.

"But until you are free from The Voice, any decisions you make based on its oppression are like confessions made while being tortured. When you decide that you need to lose twenty pounds because you are disgusting at this weight or that you need to meditate every day or go to church on Sundays because you will go to hell if you don't, you are making life decisions while you are being whipped with chains. The Voice-induced decisions--those made from shame and force, guilt or deprivation, cannot be trusted. They do not last because they are based on fear of consequences instead of longing for truth."

As a child did you behave because of fear of consequences or because you wanted to be the best person you could be? Children require the former as we work on the latter. They do not have enough life experience to understand that they must obey us because we want them to grow up to be people with the ability to make wise choices and be productive members of society. We really didn't have to discipline Nathan and Isaac very much. They knew we would because we followed through a few times and they learned. It soon became their decision to do the right thing without us. I know my brother and his wife used the yell, threaten, belittle, insult, yell some more method. It has not turned out well. Have you ever read the scripture about the sins of the fathers being visited upon the sons even unto the third and fourth generations? We reap what we sow. We reap more than we sow. We reap later than we sow. Anyway--

Are we trying to lose our extra weight because of fear of diabetes or high blood pressure? Are we trying to lose weight because of tight clothes, lack of endurance, or physical appearance? These and other conditions are reasons well and good but they are all consequences and negative ones at that. The need for discipline is a negative consequence of behavior outside the boundaries of what's in our best interests. I have always responded to these negative things that I did not want to happen to me. I am slowly starting to do things because of the positive things I want in my life. I want to be healthy and attractive. I want to look good in smaller sizes and have the self-confidence that comes with being trim and fit. I have always exercised like I take medicine - because it's good for me but now I am enjoying exercise more and more and find I am much more relaxed about it. It used to be another obsession. I enjoy exercise in a class like Jazzercise or step aerobics because of the fellowship with friends and having a leader. My Jazzercise instructor is a hoot; she makes it fun. I am looking forward to walking up and down our road carrying my 5 lb. weights now that it is cooling off. I am not a hot weather person. I admire some of you who go ahead and run or bicycle and it's 90 degrees or more. Ain't happenin' here. I will follow a video in the air conditioning when it's that hot.

Longing for the truth. We each need to find our truth. Is our drive born of our past when parents were in charge or is it born of our desire to get strong, to be in charge of ourselves, to finally finish. We didn't get to choose our parents. Parenting is probably the most important job we ever undertake and it's the one we undertake with the least preparation. We know how we were parented and that's about it. Some of us really have a lot to deal with from the past. Some of us have created our own situations that can seem overwhelming at times. The career we choose and the person we marry are the greatest earthly determiners of our quality of life I think. Those who are single have a different set of concerns. We all have a life to live. Our spiritual health can go a long way toward dealing with the day to day.

I hope your Labor Day holiday is what you want it to be. Tomorrow I will be going to Jazzercise because I want to and because my friends will be there not because I don't want to be fat or get sick. We are having a cookout today at my husband's sister's house. The baked beans are in the oven and I think I will have my second cup of coffee now with a protein bar. We are eating at 1 p.m. I will take my water. I will look over everything that is there (there will be gobs) and decide what's best and what I want the most before filling my plate.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

This drummer is really fun to watch. I would lose weight if I could do that.

I will be leaving for Jazzercise soon. I plan to start bringing in some plants today. They are supposed to be brought in before the September wind blows on them. I used to think that was superstition, but it's true - I read it in a gardening magazine. I am going to do some repotting so I won't bring bugs in with the soil.

A friend has invited me to lunch so who's going to pass up free lunch? She has some gift certificates she wants to use up. Guess I'll help her all I can. One thing about low carb - it is really easy to eat out - nice big salads always work. I am going to get an exercise mat while I am out. If it ever cools off I plan to add a walk each day carrying my 5 lb. weights.

Guess what? I have been leaving for Cincinnati about 5 a.m. Duane has not been sleeping well and told me he was back up after I left and someone was on the porch. He went outside and looked around with his gun but whoever it was was gone. Duane said the trailer was still bouncing a little where he had jumped on it and then ran on away. Whoever it was probably thought the house was empty. It's kind of freaky knowing someone was watching me leave that early and in the dark. I always leave the keys in the car and my loaded weapon. Guess I'll be a little more careful about locking things up.

Friday, September 2, 2011

This heat is getting depressing. I am so tired of watering things. I am throwing in the towel.

I will be working out of Cincinnati on Tuesday of next week and then I get a break.

I am switching to almonds from peanuts. Peanuts are just too easy to eat by the handful and I start thinking that they are so low-carb that I can have pretty much as many as I want. I don't like almonds as well as I like peanuts. It is much easier to stop with them so almonds it is. I think almonds are better for you and I have read that walnuts are very nutritious as well. I just like peanuts better but it's no biggie. Calories do count as we all know so a zillion peanuts even if low-carb can work against weight loss efforts.

A behavior change I am really going to work on is taking a small drink of something between bites. While sitting in the armored truck I started working on that. It really is pretty amazing how much that slows me down and it does insure that one bite is completely eaten before the next one is taken. I often don't even drink anything with a meal so that probably contributes to eating too fast. I will now have something to drink even if it is just my bottle of water. This behavior change will also help get some more water down.