Gratitude... goes beyond the "mine" and "thine" and claims the truth that all of life is a pure gift. In the past I always thought of gratitude as a spontaneous response to the awareness of gifts received, but now I realize that gratitude can also be lived as a discipline. The discipline of gratitude is the explicit effort to acknowledge that all I am and have is given to me as a gift of love, a gift to be celebrated with joy.
-Henri J. M. Nouwen

Monday, April 27, 2009

Dan and I were able to sneak away to Cleveland for an overnight date on Saturday. With so many things pressing on our minds and hearts and so much work and so little play these past weeks we completely and thoroughly enjoyed every minute of our time together. There are moments in your marriage you wish you could bottle because they are so pure and so full of the truth,"It takes no time to fall in love, but it takes you years to know what love is."

One of my favorite songs of late is Jason Mraz's "Life is Wonderful." The melody and the lyrics remind me how really good the day in and day out can be if we would keep our minds and hearts open for the little gifts all around us. This weekend with my Dan was like this song, and I am so thankful for the wonderful life God has given us. Our ten years together have definitely taken us full circle through every facet of better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health and each one has taught us that we need them all to keep us loving and growing.

It takes a crane to build a craneIt takes two floors to make a storyIt takes an egg to make a henIt takes a hen to make an eggThere is no end to what I'm saying

It takes a thought to make a wordAnd it takes some words to make an actionIt takes some work to make it workIt takes some good to make it hurtIt takes some bad for satisfaction

Monday, April 20, 2009

I haven't written much lately mostly because I began to feel like what I have to say is too personal for this forum. It's really hard to tell the truth out loud and although I am always "preaching" about how that's how we should live and love one another I have found it almost impossible these past weeks.

Life has a funny way of adding layers of tough stuff and without even realizing it's happening you wake up and realize you would rather just not get out of bed and face all the junk. When this happens to me I know I can roll over and find my Dan. He is always reminding me how far we have come together and encouraging me to just take today as it comes. If I forget my philosophy of gratitude and grabbing golden moments, he is there to dance with me in the sunlight and fresh air on a perfect April Friday night to a Dave Matthews song that means so much to us. He whispers in my ear, "Steady as we go."

Thank You for this man. Give us continued joy for the journey and keep us steady on the only real foundation for marriage and for life, our God.

"Steady As We Go"

I walk half way around the world,Just to sit down by your side.And I would do most anything girl,To be the apple of your eye.

Troubles they may come and go,But good times they are the gold.And if this road gets rocky girl,Just steady as we go.

Any place you wanna go,Know I'll be next to you.If it's treasure baby you're looking for,I'll search the whole world through.

Know troubles they may come and go,But good times they're the gold.So if the road gets rocky girl,Just steady as we go.

When the storm comes,You shelter me.And I don't say a word,And you know exactly what I mean.In the darkest times,You shine on me.You set me free.And keep me steady as we go.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

My dear Delaney has a best friend, Lauren. They are six and seven years old and love one another in a pure way that only little girls can. Lauren left yesterday for an early spring break and Delaney is lost. It truly is as if part of her is missing. I love to watch the two of them and know in my heart that friendships can really begin this early and last a lifetime. I know this because I have one that has.

I met my Angie when I was 5 and she was 8. I remember the first time I saw her. She had beautiful long dark hair, big expressive eyes and she was gorgeous. Although we knew one another from our small church and school she was older than I was so any attention from her was very special to me. In my early teen years we became inseparable and for some reason any social barriers from the age difference melted away. We were alike in so many ways. We shared a love of words and ideas that most others would laugh at. We were dramatic and silly and very serious too. We were old souls and felt things deeply. We shared a history that could not easily be explained to new friends and certainly not understood. We were knit together by formative years of joy and pain and a rare love.

There were many years of time apart. After attending the same college I took a path of sin and selfishness, and we fell out of touch. It was only a year and a half ago when I learned of Angie's breast cancer diagnosis that I was drawn to reconnect with her. I had just gone through a long and painful hospitalization, and I knew I needed to find her and love her.

The first time we emailed and then talked on the phone it was as if not a day had passed. Although so much life had happened in between, including marriage and children, our hearts remained the same, and we still owned the pieces we had kept so carefully all those years. Angie speaks of our friendship as knowing and being known. Yes, that's it. It's a rare and precious gift.

I finally took a trip last weekend to Virginia to be with my Angie. Although I spend my days breathing her life in thought and prayer, there is no substitute for friendship in the flesh. I have wanted to put into words the details of our time together and the emotions behind it. For some reason I cannot. The journey we have taken together since our reconnection is littered with Angie's fight against cancer and all the evil it brings with it. I can tell you the dark and ugly shadows of her struggle have only emphasized the light of our great God's love, the author of our friendship. When I hold her hand I can feel how fragile life is and how achingly beautiful each moment we are given HAS to be. Reluctantly, I hold it loosely, knowing she belongs to God and He has each day of her life written in His book, but I beg Him for more time to know and be known by this dear one and please, a place right next to her when we get to Heaven!

My girls

Books I'm reading or reading again and again

Quotes that inspire me

“God is not a belief to which you give your assent. God becomes a reality whom you know intimately, meet everyday, one whose strength becomes your strength, whose love, your love. Live this life of the presence of God long enough and when someone asks you, “Do you believe there is a God?” you may find yourself answering, “No, I do not believe there is a God. I know there is a God.” ~Ernest Boyer, Jr.

"there is no use trying," said alice... ..."one can't believe impossible things." "i dare say you haven't had much practice," said the queen. "when I was your age, i always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes i've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

"To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not, rich; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart; to study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, await occasions, hurry never; in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the common--this is my symphony." William Henry Channing

"PEACE. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart." Unknown

Lines from Jack Kerouac’s On the Road: “The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved. The ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.”