Senioritis at its worst: Preparing for final exams

As we approach exam time, I can sense students on campus starting to get anxious. That slow, painful descent into intellectual delusion, sustained by late-night Wawa runs and 20-minute naps in Mews, has begun to set in, shown by the increasing number of desperate and crazy away messages explaining either how much work lies ahead or how little will exists to accomplish it.

p. I love the way people count down to freedom — five exams until winter break, three papers to write before Mug Night and 800 pages of reading to catch up on from an entire semester of slacking off before I go insane and fail out of school.

p. It’s really a great time of year.

p. Over the past three years, I’ve watched older friends hit their first semester senior year and immediately become zombies. In my young mind, I always thought, “If you’re so close to graduation, wouldn’t you just want to work hard for this final push, so you can leave with flying colors?”

p. The answer, obviously, is no. As a current zombie-senior, the desire to do school work is only slightly more appealing than a fun trip to the dentist. Of course, typically distracting activities like Facebook are particular problems for me now. (In fact, I literally just spent 10 minutes looking though my own Facebook groups in the middle of writing this sentence — ridiculous.) But even things like cleaning my room and grocery shopping have gained massive appeal when compared to, say, glancing at a syllabus to see what reading I should feel guilty about not doing.

p. I think it’s safe to say I’ve reached new levels of apathy and cerebral clutter.

p. It’s not that I don’t want to do well in school, it’s just that for some reason I would rather spend an afternoon perusing passiveaggressivenotes.com than reading a book, studying for a test or dragging myself to class.

p. Given my current state, then, I have been trying to lay some ground rules for myself as I head into the pit of despair that is exam time. With any luck, I can prevent myself from deteriorating any further and manage to pass all my classes. Reach for the stars, you know?

p. First, I’ve decided to stop pretending to do work at the Daily Grind. I mean, I’m probably going to break this one in the next 12 hours or so, but I think it’s still good to put it out there. I pride myself on being a self-aware individual, so I’ll admit that whenever I say “I’m going to go do work at the Grind,” that really means I want to waste a good four hours drinking coffee, compulsively checking my e-mail and talking to people about how busy I am. So if you see me “working” (“Gmail chatting”) at our lovely campus coffee shop anytime soon, please, come hit me with a copy of The Flat Hat.

p. My second rule, which I have yet to break, is avoiding Jetman. Jetman, if you are unaware, is a highly addictive Facebook application and game that has spread like an infectious disease throughout my group of friends. Honestly, I don’t even know what it is, because I’m too afraid to play. I’m pretty sure it’s not that interesting or exciting, but I’ve witnessed responsible young men and women waste hours of their lives in Jetman stupors, and I want no part of it.

p. So, I guess it’s basically just those two rules: don’t pretend to work at the Grind and don’t play Jetman. I mean, considering everything, I’d say a lot of effort went into that plan (or at least more than what’s gone into my “academic future”).

p. Besides, I need to look through pictures of LOLcats for a few hours before I sleep through my next class.