Monday, April 16, 2012

Should Moms talk bad about their kids?

A lot of people tell me how great my kids are.

I agree, they are pretty stellar. ;)

The above picture is of three of them. A fourth is in heaven waiting for us.

Once my boys were eighteen, I regretted not having even more kids. The reason is because I was amazed at how well the boys turned out despite all my mistakes. And, I realized a lot of what we always believed about raising Godly kids before we even had kids really does work! As a parent it takes many years to see results. "Training up a child in the way he/she should go" takes a lonnnnng time. Once I saw those results, it was too late to have more. Larry is fine -- quite satisfied with our three. I on the other hand, always tend to believe that, "Too much of a good thing is...wonderful." ;)

I have a confidence now that I didn't have when they were younger. Because quite honestly, I didn't know for sure that they would share our values or serve God when they grew up. I only prayed my guts out that they would.

Larry and I have always had pretty strong views on how we wanted to raise our kids for the Lord but I was kind of quiet about much of what we strongly believed until recently for two reasons. Number one, my kids were still young and the jury was still out on whether they would choose to be Christians. Number two, a lot of times when a minister speaks out strongly on something like this, it's exactly what the enemy attacks. And I really don't welcome attacks on my family although I have weathered a lot of them.

The older Dustin, Jordan and Savanna get and the more they grow in God, the easier it gets to speak with more credibility.

So what's the point of this post? I want to share one of my most important values in raising my own children and that is, a parent needs to always speak well of their child.

Always.

I believe this to the core of my being. This might seem like a trite thing to bring up, as if it doesn't need to be said. But that's not true.

Listen carefully and you'll be amazed at how much negative information people share about their children.

You will see it on Facebook statuses.

You will hear it at women's ministries meetings.

You will hear it when female family members get together and chat.

People do it all in the name of venting.

Children are a blessing from God. Is it okay to gossip about them just because we're stressed? We all have experienced Christians sharing negative information disguised as prayer requests. Moms do it in the name of burden bearing. But really, are our kids a burden or a blessing?

I said to the person asking, "Why do you even ask me such a question?" And they said, "Because you never tell people what your kids have done wrong. You never blog about their wrongs. You never Facebook your frustrations with them. You are silent about their shortcomings and just talk about how great they are."

I believe that's a mother's job. For life.

I do share crazy stories about Jordan's adventures, his McDonald's episode and lots of other true-to-life humorous stories. But sharing his shortcomings or my displeasure publicly about things he does or doesn't do or in discussion with family members, friends, or groups? No. No. No. A thousand times no.

I explained to the person inquiring about whether my kids do anything wrong that there are some pretty strong reasons I hold the view of always speaking well of them, although I won't get into the particulars. But suffice it to say, I determined before my kids were even born that I would never paint them in a negative light to family, friends or anyone else. Kids have enough people in life who are going to flaunt their flaws or what they perceive as their flaws. If their own Mom can't unwaveringly affirm them, WHO WILL?

So where is a mother to take frustration when you are parenting youngsters or even having challenges with grown children?

I believe it benefits us to examine our own hearts. Do I ever get frustrated as a mother? Of course. Have I ever shared with others that I am frustrated in my role as a parent? Sure. And I believe my perspective should be one of: How I can be a better parent? What are MY shortcomings? How do I need to improve? How can I best lead my children when they are in the home? How can I serve as an even better Godly example once they grow and leave our home?

It's another blog for another day but I will just say that the greatest way I've ever seen change happen in my children's lives was through changing myself.

A major key to their confidence and health is my affirmation as their mother, not just to them personally but also in what I say to others. That means what I say when they are around, or when they aren't!

My goal in purposely not discussing their faults doesn't mean I want people to believe they are perfect. That's fallacy. They aren't perfect. Neither am I. No one is. But it's simply not in a real mother's job description to share her kids' faults. It's our job to love, to build up. Proverbs 14:1 says, "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down."

So are we building our kids or are we tearing them down?

Now, with that said, I think it would only be fitting to show you four most recent pictures of these amazing blessings God has entrusted to me here on earth...

Dustin leading worship

Jordan playing drums for worship

Savanna at the recent Pirates spring training

And here are some photos of our boys' band, "Our Endeavor." They are a worship band and they do rallies around the state ministering in both church and secular venues. You can like the band's facebook page by going here and clicking "like." You also won't be sorry if you book them to come for your event. :) (Just had to add that...like any supportive Momma would.)