Okay, so this one requires a bit of background knowledge. Strap on your learning caps, guys, gals, and nonbinary pals!

So there's transformation fetishes, right? Usually it's something along the lines of a lady being transformed into an animal or some kind of object, usually a sexually charged one, like a dildo or condom or panties or whatever. However, there's also a subsection of that fetish that's callled bimbo-fying or bimboization. The idea is usually that you're taking a woman who is usually a mental scapegoat for WHY WON'T WOMEN TALK TO ME and then turning her into a submissive, promiscuous, completely stupid living sex toy for your enjoyment. This usually goes hand in hand with making her have bigger breasts, ass, etc. It's really pretty gross and I'd always give the extreme side-eye to people who requested it, and eventually stopped doing it altogether because it made me very angry as a feminist and (at the time) female-identifying person.

So one day I got a commission request- it was, at first, a simple MLP request, which I kind of hated doing but I was short on rent, so I took the job. I asked the guy what he wanted, expecting one of the main characters on the show being fucked in some way, or a self insert of some kind. No, no, what he wanted was bimboization of one of the main characters. The character in question was Twilight Sparkle, which, for those of you unfamiliar with the show is the brainy, bookworm kind of character. See, he fucking hated that she was smart. Hated it. Absolutely loathed the fact that a fictional purple unicorn was allowed to be, as he put it "high and mighty and a know-it-all". So he wanted her to be turned into a vapid, cum-addicted fuckpony. Dude went on a giant diatribe about it. I mean, at least four paragraphs about how much he fucking hated this fictional pony and the fact that she was smart. It was honestly some of the more vicious and vitriolic things I've ever read, and I used to hang out on reddit. He'd constantly email me during the process of the commission making sure I was doing a good enough job at "taking [her] down a peg" and really "teaching [her] a lesson."

...Like I said, rent was short and I was desperate.

Neurion

What was the most complex or intricate request you ever got?

Also, what was the most chimeric OC you were asked to draw?

"Deepthroat"

Lesseeeee... I think the one that was the most intricate was a 10-page long guro comic that was why I put a ban on all guro commissions. I don't like to talk about that one. The second most complex was probably the Monster-pony compilation someone ordered. They basically wanted all the different monster girl tropes- but as ponies. So like, goo-pony, plantmonster-pony, pixie-pony (which- aren't those just breezies?), that sort of thing. It was honestly pretty fun and you wouldn't think the finished work was a fetish art, because it was mostly just cute-ass ponies but as different monsters. That one took the better part of a month to do. I still have some of them because I thought they were cute and innocent-looking enough to keep.

The most chimeric OC... well, beecock guy was up there, but I think the prize has to go to this one guy that I think was trying to shove all his fetishes on one OC so he only had to commission me once. It was a dragon base (because of course it was. There's the big five fursonas in the furry community- Wolves, foxes, dragons, cats, bunnies, skunks.) But it had a cock that was a hybrid of a horse (flared head, very long), a dog (knotted), and a cat's (barbed). It had lactating breasts, was partially goo, was constantly dripping precum, was rainbow colored (of course. :heh: ), was a taur, (humanoid torso, quadraped back end, like a centaur), had a prehensile tongue, hermaphroditic and part jaguar. I got paid well for it, though.

flakeloaf

Did you have any problems with people stealing your work and calling it their own?

"Deepthroat"

Not really, no. Had a few people steal my MLP art (the clean ones), but mostly no one tried to steal my fetish art. There's pretty good policing in the fetish community for that sort of thing tho, and my clients were quite fond of me because of how I ran my business, so they were more vicious than most when it came to art theft. Kinda a double edged sword, because while no one really tried to steal my stuff, I also had white knights who were kinda creepily into "preserving my honor".

Neurion

This is the cringe that I came to hear about. Please elaborate.

"Deepthroat"

Hoooooo boy. Strap in, folks.

So, like always on the internet, if you appear/identify as female, there's always gonna be creepers. Now, creepers come in many varieties. There's the standard, blatant creeper, there's the aggressive angry creepers... and then there's the white knights. Anyone who's played video games online has probably encountered one. Now, when you add fetish culture into the mix, suddenly there's a particular miasma of creepy that's unique in its awfulness.

Now, as I've stated- I'm generally a pretty sex positive/non judgmental person. Generally, as long as your fetish isn't hurting anyone, I don't really care what you get a boner to. That goes doubly if I'm being paid. I also didn't really make it a secret that I identified as female at the time. I didn't flaunt it, either, but I have a pretty feminine name and my paypal is under it. As a result, I got some white knights. Now, usually, white knights aren't too bad. A little cringey. Most of them would just comment on my posted work with "M'lady, truly you are the best at drawing dragon cock" or whatever. And honestly, it seemed like an unspoken rule among them not to blatantly hit on me. The rare occasions when one of them did, the others would dog-pile on them pretty much immediately, with really cringey things about how I was "above such vulgarity". No, I'm not kidding. Some even took to calling me Goddess and offering money as tributes. It was weird. I mean, free weed money, but still weird.

Anyway, after a while, there was a problem with some art thieves on the sites I used. Nothing unusual- it's the kind of shit you see on places like deviantart. Some dumb kid decides that the best way to get popular is to take someone else's art, trace it/recolor it, and call it their own. Annoying, but not anything that's as bad as taking art and selling it, y'know. Anyway, one of these recolorists saw my work and didn't quite think things through. I was fairly popular at that point, and my work pretty well known. So it was obvious that they'd traced and recolored my work, expecially since it was some of my more... distinct work. Now, usually, I'd just report them and move on, whatever.

Those white knights I told you about? The ones that had taken to calling me "Goddess" and getting really weird? They did not simply move on. Instead, they launched a massive campaign against the poor kid, and I mean massive. I made multiple posts asking them to stop, but they were "protecting my honor", in their eyes. They harassed that poor kid for months, even after I'd made multiple posts saying to leave off and that the kid had apologized and we were cool. It took me getting in touch with the site's admins before anything was done. The majority of the creepier white knights were banned, but a few remained and laid low until everything had blown over.

So that's why you should just say you're male online if you're in the fetish community.

About This Column

The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.