• What does a wrecked car and the Minnesota Vikings have in common?~ Neither has a title!• Why can’t Minnesota Viking players eat cereal for breakfast?~ Whenever they get too close to a “bowl” they choke!• Why doesn’t Iowa have a professional football team? ~ Then Minnesota would want one too!• What’s the difference between the Pope and the Vikings? ~ The Pope does have a prayer.• Why can’t the Viking players do the “Lambeau Leap” after a touchdown?~ Because those empty seats kind of hurt!• What’s the smallest room in the Metrodome?~ The Minnesota Vikings trophy room!• Wy do Packer fans always invite Viking fans to their parties?~ Because we always like “whine” with our cheese!• Why did the National Hockey League allow Minnesota to get a franchise?~ The fans were crying to have at least one professional team in Minnesota.

A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage.Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his Harley, runs up to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A reporter has watched the whole event.

The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.'

The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt I should.'

The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page...

So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?'

The biker replies, 'I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican.'

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:

Little Ole and the StorkLittle Ole was sitting at the kitchen table doing his school homework. He had a puzzled look on his face at he considered the assignment that was due--writing an essay about his origin. He turned to question his mother. "Mama, vere did Grandma come from?" he asked. "Da stork brought her," answered mama Lena. "And vere did yew come from?" asked Little Ole. "Da stork brought me," his mother answered. "And vere did I come from?" Little Ole inquired. "Vell, son, da stork brought yew, tew," mama Lena replied. With a scowl on his face, Little Ole picked up his pencil, turned to his school tablet, and began writing his essay: "Dere have been no natural births in our family for three yenerations."

Rastus and Liza were always getting caught fornicating at lover's lane in their car so Rastus has an idea. He tells Liza that they will never get caught if they go under the car. That way when the cop pulls thru on his rounds it'll look like an empty car and presume they're in the woods. So the next nite he and Liza are under the car like a couple of bunny rabbits. Pretty soon the cop taps Rastus on the shoulder and asks what he thinks he's doing there. Rastus says he's fixin the transmission. The cop says you sure weren't fixin your transmission. Rastus then asks the cop to give him three good reasons why he wasn't fixin his transmission. So the cop says, "First off you don't face that direction when you're fixin the transmission and secondly you don't make those movements when you're fixin the transmission and thirdly, your car rolled away ten minutes ago.

Yes Deb, I was wondering the same thing. When the joke was told to me they didn't say fornicate. So I really was racking my brain as to how to put it here. I'm not so worried about the children because it is a proper term and I know some adults that don't know what that word means. However we will see.

Ken, yes, just like two bunnies!

I got another Rastus and Liza that is the funniest but really don't know how to tame that one.

So I explained to her that my dogs are mixed in color, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and have no clue who their Daddy's are. They expect me to feed them, provide them with housing and medical care. So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify.

Yeah!!!...and a loud AMEN to that !!!!!!!!!! Know that one too well from 8 years of grade school at St Mary's...5 days a week before classes and only as many Sundays as me and my pal Karl couldn't weasel out of. And if you wiggled around because you were uncomfortable Sister Superior would spot you and come down and twist your ear and tell you to settle down or you would have to stay after school and clean erasers as punishment for being disruptive. I think that's why my left ear is upside down...she always attacked from the left side...she was really fast and stealthy with a vise grip.

KYRIE ELEISON.... I always that she and CHRISTE were sisters and that they were just missing...that's why we were always calling out their names every morning !!! After all these years I know the truth.

A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.*

When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam , "Is this a union house?"

"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she answered.

Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel wherethe Madam responded,

"Why yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules."

The man asked, "And, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!" the union man said.

He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive greeneyed blonde.

"I'd like her," he said.

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, "But Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next."

The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife....

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them . As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.

Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching him drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.'

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'