Full name Ella Marija Lani Yelich-O’Connor, she’s the New Zealand singer-songwriter crowned international female solo artist. A cross between Lana del Rey and Shakespears Sister, Lorde is just 17. Not to be confused with Lordi, the Finnish heavy metal band who won Eurovision.

2. Are the Arctic Monkeys the rudest band in Britain?

The Brit-rock group won two awards - but it clearly takes more to impress frontman Alex Turner. He didn’t bother to read a list of thank yous and later dropped his microphone with the words: “Invoice me if you wanna.” Rock off, boys.

He snogged radio DJ Nick Grimshaw, snapped a selfie with Prince and doused himself with a fire extinguisher. We want to love him, but he makes it so difficult. This was Cordon’s fifth year presenting and - thankfully - his last.

Fresh from his gigs in umpteen London nightclubs, the music legend popped up yet again to present the award for best female solo artist. “The O2, I remember this place!” he yelled. Next stop, Croydon Conference Centre.

6. Are celebrities always that bad at reading autocue?

Lily Allen fluffed her lines (“Do I just go straight into it? What?”); Nicole Scherzinger squinted so hard it made our eyes hurt. Note to producers: famous people can’t read from a screen. As the singer Rita Ora showed, simply smiling is a stretch.

7. What happened to Boy George’s face?

The Culture Clubber turned heads with his painful-looking black eye. Turns out it was make-up; an obscure point about being a “fashion victim”. Luckily, attention was deflected by singer Jessie J, whose lilac lipstick resembled a corpse.

8. Where was the fifth member of One Direction?

Never one to outshine his bandmates, Harry Styles ran up on stage late to collect the group’s global success award because he was “having a wee”. Millions of teenage girls squealed; the rest of us were unimpressed.

9. Why was Cesc Fabregas there?

The Barcelona footballer was one of many bizarre cameos, enlisted to fill the awkward pauses between awards. Others who seemed confused to have been invited were Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Jimmy Carr and former Brit stalwart Noel Gallagher.

10. Did everyone have an album to plug?

In a word, yes. Kylie Minogue casually dropped hers into conversation; the Arctic Monkeys illuminated theirs in fireworks. Lorde even plugged the sponsors, Mastercard, saying: “This was a priceless surprise.” Shameless, more like.