BECKY BENES: Philosophers agree suffering is optional

According to the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism, pain is just part of the human condition; it is what the world does to you. However, suffering is optional and is what we do to ourselves via our intentions, judgments, thoughts and the ignorance of not knowing who we really are.

Case in point: Several years ago, I was living the "American Dream." I had (and still do) a wonderful husband, a beautiful baby, a nice home, friends, money, a successful career. On the outside, all looked great, yet on the inside, I was very discontent. I was losing weight, having night sweats, and could barely pull myself out of bed. Daily I cried wondering, "What is wrong with me?"

An enlightened doctor put it this way, "Becky, your life is a big fat lie! You are trying to be someone else and living your life from guilt, shame, fear and doubt. You are out of integrity with who you are! Yes, you are living someone's American dream but it is not your dream!"

He suggested that I get honest with myself and promised that if I did, my life would be forever changed. I would find happiness, peace and joy.

He gave me assignments designed as a journey of self discovery — to find out who I was and why I was here, which would ease my suffering. I followed them to the "T" and still practice most of them today. Even though I still experience pain in my life, my suffering has greatly decreased because I have right understanding of who I am. This understanding connects me with my God and my God-given gifts and talents.

When I am in alignment with who I am, my life's purpose and use my gifts and talents, my life moves forward with grace and ease. I experience more joy, happiness and inner peace.

However, when I am out of integrity with my God-given gifts and talents — which happens when I am acting from a place of fear, doubt, guilt or shame — I experience struggle, dis-ease and discontent. Often, my discontent seems to be caused by outside forces, like issues concerning relationships, money, stress, disorganization, time management, lack of production, etc. However, when I dig deeper and get honest, I find I am out of integrity with or out of touch with my true self.

This also seems to be the case with my business clients, which helps me to know I am not alone.

Eventually, I think most of us hit a wall and realize that we are living someone else's life and must go on a journey of self-discovery. However, without guidance, many jump ship — relationships, jobs, careers and towns. Some go on buying sprees, thinking maybe owning this or that would make life complete. Others seek solace in alcohol, food, drugs and sex. These "cures" may sustain some for a little while, but the only true cure is to go within and know ourselves.

John H. McMurphy, in "Secrets from Great Minds," brings to light that knowing ourselves has been the common solution to this universal incongruence in our lives. Many of our great masters have expressed that knowing ourselves is the pathway to know peace, joy, contentment and God.

"I must know myself, as the Delphian inscription says; to be curious of that which is not my concern, while I am still in ignorance of my own self, would be ridiculous." — Socrates

"One who knows oneself is enlightened." — Lao Tzu

"Let me know myself, Lord, and I will know Thee." — St. Augustine

"No one can be saved without self-knowledge." — St. Bernard

"The inquiry, 'Who am I?' is the only method to put an end to all misery and usher in supreme Beatitude." — Sri Ramana Maharshi

Guiding people into the knowing of who they are is what I am called here to do. It is the basis of my work as a business coach, writer and speaker. It is that which brings me great joy, peace and happiness.

If you struggle with the questions, "Who am I?" and "Why am I here?," if you have all of the trappings of the "American dream" and find yourself unhappy, discontent and ready to jump ship, whether in business or life, I invite you to end your optional suffering and allow me to help you to know yourself and be you in all your brilliance.

Consider Thoreau, "If I am not I, who will be?"

By awakening to and understanding that which we are, we are able to operate from our higher self and know inner peace and contentment, which creates peace in our families, work, and world.

Becky Benes, a resident of San Angelo, is a certified business and life coach. Her column appears on the second and fourth Saturday of the month. For more information, go to BeckyJBenes.com or email Becky@BeckyJBenes.com.