Monday, May 7, 2012

Life can be miserable. Life can also be wonderful. The question is which world are you living? A wonderful or a miserable life? I f you ask me I think I'm in the borderline between miserable and a wonderful life.

When I look onto my old self I see a confident,strong and free spirited person. I may not have everything that I wanted but I've got all the love in the world from my friends and family. Then suddenly someone comes into my life showing me what the real world is, giving me all that he got,loving me unconditionally...and he became my world.

We do things together. For one year, 75% of my time I spent it with him. The more that we spent time together the more that I want to be with him. I want to build my castle with him and he is the one that I want to see beside me in my deathbed while holding my hands. And he feels the same way too.

As my feelings go deeper my personality got worsen. I'm starting to shut everyone from my life just to be with him because I become obsessed with the thought that someday he found somebody better than me and leave me. So I give all of my time with him so I can watch him.

I just turned into someone that I don't even recognize. I became irrational,paranoid and verbally abusive. I control him in everything that he do.

I became a monster...and I created another monster

He also become irrational,paranoid, and verbally abusive. I know the love is still there but respect is nowhere to be found. We too.. lost our sense of self.

Now, everything has happened is clear to me. I know how to fix this. But I'm not sure if it will work. All I know is I still want to build my castle with him and be with me till my last breath.

I realized all of that through self-examination. For some of you, you call that Reflecting in Psychology we call it Introspection. Introspection is a self-observation of one's thoughts and feelings without bias. You need to step outside your body look at your self and contemplate what kind of person are you in a rational way.

People has experience once or twice in their life that they are lost. But the first step to find your self is admitting your mistakes through introspection....and change!