Aristotle: To actualize its potential. It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

Roseanne Barr: Urrrrrp. What chicken?

Ludwig van Beethoven: What? Speak up.

Bodhidharma: If you ask this question, you deny your own
chicken-nature.

George Bush: To face a thousand points of headlights.

Julius Caesar: To come, to see, to conquer.

John Calvin: It was predestined.

Candide: To cultivate its garden.

Bill Clinton: Define "road".

Johnny Cochran: The chicken never crossed the road. Some chicken-hating,
genocidal, lying public official moved the road
right under the chicken's feet while he was practicing
his golf swing and thinking about his family.

Colonel Sanders: I missed one?

Joseph Conrad: Mistah Chicken, he dead.

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most
astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic,
unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an
Herculean achievement formerly relegated to Homo sapien
pedestrians
is truly a remarkable occurrence.

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Charles Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming
down from the trees.

Charles Darwin (revisited): Chickens, over great periods of time, have been
naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically
disposed to cross roads.

Thomas Dequincy: Because it ran out of opium.

Jacques Derrida: What is the difference? The chicken was
merely deferring from one side of the road to other. And how do
we get the idea of the chicken in the first place? Does it exist
outside of language?

Jacques Derrida (revisited): Any number of contending
discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken
crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as
the authorial intent can never be discerned, because
structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

James Dean: Because it was chicken.

Rene Descartes: It had sufficient reason to believe it
was dreaming anyway.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Bob Dylan: How many roads must one chicken cross?

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or
the road crossed
the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

TS Eliot: Weialala leia / Wallala leialala.

TS Eliot (revisited): Do I dare to cross the road?

T.S. Eliot (revisited again): It's not that they cross,
but that they cross
like chickens.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it
transcended it.

Epicurus: For pleasure.

Paul Erdos: It was forced to do so by the chicken-hole
principle.

Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the
black man. The chicken "crossed" the black man in order to
trample him and keep him down.

Basil Fawlty: Oh, don't mind that chicken. It's from
Barcelona.

Pierre de Fermat: I just don't have room here to give the
full explanation.

Gerald R. Ford: It probably fell from an airplane and
couldn't stop its forward momentum.

Michel Foucault: It did so because the discourse of
crossing the road left it no choice-the police state was
oppressing it.

Sigmund Freud: The chicken was obviously female and
obviously
interpreted the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as
a
phallic symbol of which she was envious, selbstverst
ndlich.

Sigmund Freud (revisited): The fact that you are at all concerned
about why the chicken crossed the road
reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Robert Frost: To cross the road less traveled by.

Robert Frost: Because two roads diverged in a wood, and it, being a chicken,
crossed the one less traveled by, which has made no difference whatsoever
to the chicken -- or to anyone else for that matter.

Zsa Zsa Gabor: It probably crossed to get a better look
at my legs,
which, thank goodness, are good, dahling.

Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which
will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your
important documents, and balance your checkbook. Of course,
you will have to purchase Microsoft Road.

Gilligan: The traffic started getting rough; the chicken
had to
cross. If not for the plumage of its peerless tail, the chicken
would be lost. The chicken would be lost!

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle
made it do it.

Stephen Jay Gould: It is possible that there is a
sociobiological explanation for it, but we have been deluged in
recent years with sociobiological stories despite the fact that
we have little direct evidence about the genetics of behavior,
and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviors
that figure most prominently in sociobiological speculation.

Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed
the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road,
and that was good enough for us.

H. R. Haldeman: I can't recall.

Thomas Hardy: Some blessed hope, whereof it knew, and I
was unaware.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road
the
chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Heraclitus: A chicken cannot cross the same road twice.

Adolf Hitler: It needed Lebensraum.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion
and we were quite justified in dropping fifty tons of nerve
gas on it.

Doug Hofstadter: To seek explication of the correspondence
between appearance and essence through the mapping of the
external road-object onto the internal road-concept.

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion,
and we were
quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Lee Iacocca: It found a better car, which was on the
other side of the road.

John Paul Jones: It has not yet begun to cross!

James Joyce: To forge in the smithy of its soul the
uncreated conscience of its race.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural
gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this
historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such
occurrences into being.

Immanuel Kant: Because it would have this be a universal
law.

Martin Luther King: It had a dream.

Martin Luther King:
I envision a world where all chickens will
be free to cross roads without having their motives called into
question.

James Tiberius Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has
gone before.

Stan Laurel: I'm sorry, Ollie. It escaped when I opened
the run.

Timothy Leary: It was the only trip that the establishment would let it take.

Leda: Are you sure it wasn't Zeus dressed up as a
chicken? He's into that kind of thing, you know.

Gottfried von Leibniz: In this best possible world, the
road was made for it to cross.

H.P. Lovecraft: To futilely attempt escape from the dark
powers which even then pursued it, hungering after the stuff of
its soul!

Douglas MacArthur: In order to return.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with
admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to
boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them
has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue?
In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion
maintained.

Machiavelli (revisited): The end of crossing the road justifies whatever
motive there was.

Malcolm X: Because it would get across that road by any
means necessary.

Groucho Marx: Chicken? What's all this talk about
chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My
aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.

Karl Marx: To escape the bourgeois middle-class
struggle. It was a historical inevitability.

Gregor Mendel: To get various strains of roads.

John Stuart Mill: For the greater good.

John Milton: To justify the ways of God to men.

Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes.
How many
more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

Alfred E. Neumann: What? Me worry?

Sir Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest.
Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.

Moses: Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that
has
crossed the road.

Moses: And the LORD spake unto the chicken, "Thou shalt
cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road.

Richard Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I
repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

Camille Paglia: It was drawn by the subconscious
chthonian power of the feminine which men can never understand,
to cross the road and focus itself on its task. Hens are not
capable of doing this-their minds do not work that way. Feminism
tries vainly to pretend there is no real difference between them,
falsely following Rousseau. But de Sade has proved....

Thomas Paine: Out of common sense.

Michael Palin: Nobody expects the banished inky
chicken!

The Pathology Guy: To be loved. To find meaning. To find
an answer for death.

Paul of Tarsus: A chicken does not understand its own
actions.

Wolfgang Pauli: There already was a chicken on the other
side of the road.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

J. Danforth Quayle: It saw a potatoe.

Ayn Rand: It was crossing the road because of its own
rational choice to do so. There cannot be a collective
unconscious; desires are unique to each individual.

Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean,
why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was
this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"

William Shakespeare: I don't know why, but methinks I
could rattle off a hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.

Sisyphus: Was it pushing a rock, too?

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had
pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in
such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while
believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Socrates: To pick up some hemlock at the corner
druggist.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Oliver Stone: The question is not, "Why did the chicken
cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the
same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the
chicken crossing?"

John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide
the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed
himself of the opportunity.

Mr. T: If you saw me coming, you'd cross the road,
too!

Teveyah: As the Good Book says... Well I'm sure it says
something in there about a chicken and a road.

Margaret Thatcher: There was no alternative.

J.R.R. Tolkein: The chicken, sunlight coruscating off its
radiant yellow-
white coat of feathers, approached the dark, sullen asphalt road
and
scrutinized it intently with its obsidian-black eyes. Every
detail of
the thoroughfare leapt into blinding focus: the rough texture of
the
surface, over which countless tires had worked their relentless
tread
through the ages; the innumerable fragments of stone embedded
within the
lugubrious mass, perhaps quarried from the great pits where the
Sons of
Man labored not far from here; the dull black asphalt itself,
exuding
those waves of heat which distort the sight and bring weakness to
the
body; the other attributes of the great highway too numerous to
give name.
And then it crossed it.

Kilgore Trout: Why not?

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly
exaggerated.

Kurt Vonnegut: There is no "why", there only "is". So it
goes.

George Washington: Actually, it crossed the Delaware with
me back in 1776. But most history books don't reveal that I
bunked with a birdie during the duration.

John Wesley: It exercised its own free will.

Mae West: I invited it to come up and see me sometime.

Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was
encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances
came into being which caused the actualization of this potential
occurrence.