11:15: "There are many people in this room and many people at home who believed in me. Today, I want to ask for your help. I ask you to find room in your heart to one day believe in me again. Thank you." He's hugging his mom, who's wearing some serious bling.

11:13: He might return to golf this year.

11:13: He's learned a lot from therapy! "I need to regain my balance and be centered so I can save the things that are most important to me. My marriage and my children." So he's going to start doing yoga?

11:12: His mom isn't making eye contact.

11:11: He's playing the Buddhism card.

11:11: Now he's lacing out against the paparazzi. The people in the audience are starting to look traumatized.

11:10: He says he's never used performance-enhancing drugs. Um, what? Is he responding to every accusation that's ever been lobbed against him?

11:10: He won't say whether he and Elin are staying together. "These are issues between a husband and a wife." Except... for this whole apology?

11:09: He admits he was in sex rehab. Not in so many words, of course.

11:08: He wants to apologize to anyone who saw him as a role model. TAKE THOSE POSTERS DOWN, KID!

11:08: Okay, we... get it? The self-flagellation is getting painful.

11:07: "I don't get to play by different rules."

11:05: "I have made you question who I am and how I could have done the things I did. I am embarrassed that I have put you in this position. For all that I have done, I am so sorry. I have a lot to atone for, but there's one issue I really want to discuss. Some people have speculated that Elin somehow hurt or attacked me on Thanksgiving night. It angers me that people would fabricate a story like that. Elin has never hit me that night or an other night. There has never been an issue of domestic violence in our marriage. Elin has shown enormous grace and poise throughout this ordeal. Elin deserves praise, not blame. The issue involved here was my repeated irresponsible behavior. I was unfaithful. I had affairs. I cheated. What I did is not acceptable and I am the only person to blame. I stopped living by the core values I was taught to believe in. I knew my actions were wrong but I convinced myself that normal rules didn't apply. I never thought about who I was hurting. Instead I thought only about myself."

11:04: He's talking about his foundation now. He's still going to help the children!

11:03: "For many of you, especially my friends, my behavior has been a personal disappointment. For those of you who work for me, I have let you down personally and professionally. My behavior has caused considerable worry to my business partners." Uh, you can say that again.

11:03: His apology to Elin won't come in the form of words. It will come in his "behavior over time." Oh boy.

11:02: "I want to say to each of you simply and directly, I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior I engaged in." He looks like he hasn't slept.

11:01: "Many of you in this room know me. Many of you have cheered for me."