Your Sister Asked You What?! Good Answers to Bad Questions

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One of the many, many good things about being a mom is having something in common with and being able to relate (at least a little bit!) to every other mom. That’s good company to be in! One not-so-fun thing is that for some peculiar reason, many people feel like it’s okay to ask all kinds of personal, inappropriate questions. Whatever the reason, and however annoying, these questions come. Don’t lose your cool, and don’t take it personally. As tempting as it is to scream, “Mind your own business!” give the questioner the benefit of the doubt, equip yourself with some highly diplomatic answers, and stay sweet.

He asked (with eyes on your son): “Doesn’t he ever stay still or quiet down?”
What we hope he meant: He was impressed by your son’s boundless energy and marveled at his enthusiasm. He might have also been complimenting your incredible athleticism in keeping up with him.
You say with a smile: “Thomas certainly has a lust for life. He’s still and quiet when he sleeps. Actually he snores. And tosses and turns. So no, he’s never still or quiet.”

She asked: “When are you going to have more kids?” or, “Did you mean to have so many kids?” or, (about your only child) “Don’t you worry about her being all alone in the world?”
What we hope she meant: Often people who ask questions about the number of kids we have (or don’t have) aren’t parents themselves and so aren’t aware of how complicated and personal having them or not having them can be. If they are parents, they might be awkwardly asking for advice about their own situation. In the best case, these questions come from genuine curiosity and not judgment.
You say with a smile: If you don’t care to talk about it, a “Why do you ask?” usually changes the subject. If you care to indulge for a moment, “Of course we love our family just the way it is and are so lucky to have each other,” is a pleasant non-answer.

He asked: “You let her do what?!”
What we hope he meant: He was perhaps expressing happy disbelief that a child so young could handle such a complicated job. Or maybe his kid has never tried to stay up past 7:30 p.m. Or you have opened his eyes to a different and cool way of doing things.
You say with a smile: “We have an arrangement.” Which says without saying it, “I am a thoughtful, caring person in charge of myself and my family, my child respects and responds to me, and the way we do things is just right for us.”

She asked: “Don’t you feel guilty going to work every day?” or, “Don’t you want to get a real job?”
What we hope she meant: We have to hope that questions about working inside or outside the home come from a deep admiration and respect for your particular juggling act.
You say with a smile: “Being a mom sure is hard work. I know each one of us is doing our very best.”