Missing in the octuplets debate: Their father

The Suleman octuplets are the product of Nadya Suleman and a sperm donor. They don't have a father.

It's tempting to put it that way, isn't it? But of course they have a father. Will it trouble them that they might never know him?

We often make casually inaccurate comments about the children of single mothers. "No, he doesn't have a father--his mother used a sperm donor." Or "Her mother adopted her."

That's wrong on two counts. First, on narrow biological grounds. As technically sophisticated as fertility treatments are, they still require sperm.

And that isn't as narrow a technical point as we might think. Each sperm carries with it a vast, twisted coil of DNA that makes up a huge part of a child's genetic inheritance.

But we know there is more to it than that. I cannot speak from experience, but we know adopted children often develop a burning interest in finding their biological parents. It's an important part of who we are, and not just because our fathers teach us how to handle money, or how to play ball, or any of the other things that, the stereotypes say, men contribute to their children.

They are a critically important part of us even if our connection is only through an anonymous sperm.

So: Who is the father of the Suleman octuplets? Does he know how his sperm were used? Is he happy about that, or unhappy? Does he wish he could get to know them?

We know a little about him, and it seems that this might not be a case of an anonymous donor.

Angela Suleman, Nadya Suleman's mother, told the Associated Press that all 14 of Nadya's children came from the same sperm donor, but declined to identify him.

The AP found a David Solomon listed as the father on the birth certificates of the four oldest children.

Will the children someday be angry with their mother for creating a situation in which they don't know him? She's had 14 children who might never know their father, or fathers.

Perhaps that won't matter to them. But I'd be surprised if that's how it turned out. Some of the 14 children might not care--but others surely will.

Update: Does Nadya Suleman think she is Angelina Jolie? Frightening story on HuffingtonPost.

I definitely agree that many of the children will want to know who their father is. Two parents in their lives is vital to their pyscological growth. And with 16 children, there will be more problems than if she only had 1,2,or 3. Children need lots of attention and now they will only get it from their siblings. It's sad......

I imagine children who are in part the result of an anonymous sperm donor may have an even deeper biological urge to know or at least put a face to thier father. Although obviously as human as any child, the knowledge of having been born in a method detatched from sexual intimacy may foster a need in these children to realize the humanity behind thier unknown genetic composition.

Do you think that this woman is smart enough to have planned all this, so that the sperm donor would not have to pay child support??? She knows the man, plans to have the man in the childrens life. Why not plan a life with him?

Why is DAVID SOLOMON getting a pass? He should be served with paternity papers from Family Court like every other unmarried father in LA County. He knew what she was going to do with his; the method of "delivery" does not interest me in the least.

If he can be proven to be the legal father of each and every one of the 14, then he should be slapped with a child support order, pronto. It is HIS responsibility to support those kids, NOT THE TAXPAYERS.

The Mother is clearly mentally ill. Just removed the poor children from the home and send BOTH PARENTS a big fat bill every month for the next 18 or 20 years. NOT ME.