Monday, September 28, 2009

Job Security

Promotions are awesome. They make you feel important and normally come with more money. Also, you get new business cards to have but not know when to give to people.

But with the new title comes responsibility. As you get promoted you are asked to make more important decisions and be able to think critically about the company as a whole.

I think I am ready for a promotion...

...in my relationship.

Can I move up to "Senior Boyfriend" or "VP of Boyfriend Affairs"?

What will that get me? Am I allowed to watch more MacGyver reruns? Can I have entire meals made of bacon? Do I not have to explain why I'm pantless and 4 beers deep by noon on a Saturday?

Why do guys have a glass ceiling in relationships? How do I get talked into dress pants and argyle socks but my recommendation for nipple tassels falls on deaf ears?

I don't even necessarily need a huge promotion - how about I become more specialized; "Director of Remote Controls". Project Runway is OUT, Honey, there is a special on bear attacks.

Unfortunately there is a recession in girls that put up with talking exclusively about sports and zombies so I have to just be happy I am employed. I wouldn't want to cause a stir and get demoted down to just "friend".

I would definitely see if there is an incentive package or sign-on bonus. Let out you demands (more pussy, less nagging) upfront, and stick to your guns (remote privileges, bacon stipends). This is your future your dealing with here.