Doctors sound alarm as vomiting bug sweeps Britain

Doctors across the UK have see a large rise in patients complaining of sudden vomiting, wretching or general nausea. It appears to have a sudden onset, but appears to be particularly prevalent early in the morning and early evening while watching TV or reading the newspaper.

Epidemiologists are particularly concerned as this vomiting bug appears to evade all attempts to isolate the bacterium or virus responsible.

Said a spokesman for the Department of Health "This is a very serious outbreak of vomiting and appears to have encompassed most of the UK extremely quickly. We haven't seen this type of fast-spreading disease for quite some time although records show a very similar sudden onset illness occurring in 1981 and a particularly nasty outbreak in 1997. We are baffled by this because it appears to affect everyone in a particular household except the very young even if they've had all of their vaccinations"

"For those who continue to suffer, we would suggest sitting in a darkened room reading a book and drinking plenty of fluids although we have had reports that going abroad appears to bring instant relief"

"We do, of course, hope that this mystery disease doesn't stop people enjoying the celebrations of the Royal Birth"