Natalie, I would have put you on the Friday Five!

Yes, I’m happy for Jo Aleh, the Jewish sailor and child of dual Israeli-New Zealand citizens, who won the gold medal Friday in the women’s 470 regatta.

But I’m not at all with the fallout — my staff using this turn of events to bump Natalie Portman from The Friday Five. A hot knish deserves better.

For what it’s worth, here’s the way it would have read…

Natalie Portman goes under the chuppah

With baby Aleph in attendance, actress Natalie Portman and dancer Benjamin Millepied tied the knot last weekend. It wasn’t the first time that a high-profile interfaith couple decided to get married in a Jewish ceremony, providing a model for countless regular folks navigating similar situations. But this one feels more culturally significant than most, given Portman’s status as the most famous Jewish hottie that you (and your parents) hope you fall in love with on a Birthright trip. Of course, its beside the point whether you’re inclined to "shrei gevalt" or let out a mazal tov at the sight of the non-Jewish Millepied breaking the glass. More important is the harsh reality that it wasn’t you standing with her under the chuppah. Though heartbroken, let’s just hope things turn out better for them than they did for Padme and Anakin.