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Friday, 27 November 2009

Friday 55 Flash Fiction is brought to you by G-man (Mr Knowitall). The idea is you write a story in exactly 55 words. If you want to take part pop over and let G-man know when you've posted your 55.

Outside they huddled together for warmth, taking comfort in each other.

Feeling like outcasts, lepers, exiles, shunned, degraded.

Forever to be evicted from comfort and companionship.

No longer part of the accepted crowd, group, mainstream.

Since 'the law' had been passed they were destined to be outsiders, uncomfortable, cold, oppressed, abused.

All because they smoke!

I haven't smoked for 12 years but I do feel sorry for smokers now, especially in the pub when they have to go outside to enjoy a cigarette with their drink. The 'no smoking' law has killed the pub trade here, yet another one of our locals is due to close.

Wednesday, 25 November 2009

I received this 'sexist' email but it did make me laugh so I'll share it with you as we had one for the ladies on Monday.

A man's view of women over 40.......

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Here's an update for you! Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

Monday, 23 November 2009

I realised after reading this email someone sent me that I'm superwoman!

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks. Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes. There is no fast food. Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry and pay a list of'pretend bills with not enough money. In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives and send cards out on time, no Emailing. Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment. He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the A&E. He must also make biscuits or cakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times. The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn himself with jewellery, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties. They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting. They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them,brush their teeth and comb their hair by 8:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth and length of labour, each child's favourite colour, middle name, favourite snack, favourite song, favourite drink, favourite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up. All the above must be completed whilst working in either full time(preferably) or part time employment to assist in the financial input for the family.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if...he still has enough be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice. The winning man gets to play the game overand over and over again for the next 18-25 years, eventually earning the right to be called Mum!

Saturday, 21 November 2009

The idea is, every week Raven (Views From Raven's Nest) gives you between 8 and 10 words/phrases and you have to create a small but coherent paragraph using every one of them and the same with the mini challenge. You can do either, both or a megawordzzle using all the words, or even all three, it's up to you, you can post them on your blog or email them to Raven. If you join in go to Raven's and put your name on the Mr. Linky so other participants can come visit you.

Inspector Williams examined the rising sun symbols which had been carved into the skin on the body, which had just been discovered in the flat. There were model trucks on the floor suggesting a child had been playing but there was no-one else in the flat. ‘Love is a many splendored thing’ was playing on the radio and Inspector Williams wondered if this had been a lover’s tiff which had turned into a costly ending for the woman. A search of the rest of the house revealed no clues – a fridge full of organic food, some naughty underwear in a drawer and a poster proclaiming ‘Liberation for Nepal’. Williams roared at the SOCO team “Find a clue, any clue, I will solve this case!”

“Smug git” whispered one of the team under his breath.
“Cut” shouted the director “that’s a wrap!”

And for the mini: the nature of the beast, identical, charcoal, braggart, vacation

Identical twins John & Edward Braggart ‘s vacation wasn’t going to plan. The nature of the beast was that they were both suffering from abominable wind and there were no charcoal tablets to be had for love nor money. Consequently they were confined to their room, so as not to embarrass their parents and offend other guests.

Megawordzzle

James, the customs inspector, stood waiting patiently at the port with a smug look on his face. He really enjoyed his job, stopping vehicles as they came off the ferry, especially the trucks, hoping they had some contrabrand. He was a braggart, constantly telling all who would listen how many people he has seen prosecuted due to his vigilance. His friends thought him too zealous and found his bragging too much at times.

Waving for the truck to pull over, James marched across to ask for the paperwork and was surprised to see a very attractive young woman driving. The young woman smiled at James as she handed over the necessary paperwork, James couldn’t take his eyes off her; he could feel his temperature rising, amongst other things, such was the nature of the beast. All the time James was checking the papers the woman watched him, her charcoal eyes holding his gaze.

“Please open the back doors” James requested “so I can check the contents”.
She jumped down from the cab and opened the doors of the truck. The contents were identical crates which were all marked ‘ORGANIC’ and with various symbols painted on them. James jumped in the truck to count the number of crates whilst the woman leant on the side humming ‘love is a many splendored thing’. James was getting really hot and bothered and he went to get down from the truck the woman moved so that he had to brush up against her to get out. He blushed and apologized but the woman just laughed and gave him a naughty wink. James signed the papers and told the woman she could go on her way. She climbed back in her cab and blew him a kiss as she drove away.
Twenty miles down the motorway the woman pulled into the services and opened the back of the truck.

“OK, you can come out now” she said as she opened one of the crates. The man crawled from the crate and stretched his cramped body glad for the liberation.

“That was no vacation, believe me! It was a good idea of yours to hum that song for as long as the inspector was in the truck, so I would know to keep quiet. Do you think he suspected anything?” he asked.

“Yes he did” said one of the police officers who had surrounded the truck. “He noticed one of the crates wasn’t marked up the same as the others and called us in to follow you. Rather a costly mistake for you. You’re both under arrest.

James had triumphed again!

I won't be around to visit you today as I'm our all day (and night) celebrating my birthday, so I'll catch up with you on Sunday. Have a great weekend everyone.

Tuesday, 17 November 2009

This writing challenge has changed. Originally Jeff (A Word in Edgewise) started up this monthly challenge, derived from a previous challenge from R.E.H.'s "Picture Fiction Challenge", but Jeff has given it up and Dr. John (Dr. John's Fortress) and Thom (Thom's Place 4 Well Whatever) have taken over. The challenge is now every two weeks and you can get all the details here, where you can also pick up the links to read all the entries. Do pop over and read, you won't be disappointed.

The challenge is you are given a number of pictures and must use some/all of the pictures to create a story.

Emilio lived with his wife, Juanita, and their daughter, Rosario, in the tiny colonial town of Cuetzalan, nestled in the hills of Mexico's central state of Puebla. From the window of their tiny house they could see the hills shrouded in mist.

Emilio’s days were spent farming the bright red tomatoes and beans, which Juanita and Rosario sold at the weekly market, dressed in their traditional white embroidered blouses and white skirts with red sashes. It was a meager existence but they were happy spending Sunday’s together picnicking in the open air, after the obligatory visit to the beautiful village church in the morning.

Rosario attended the local school and was considered a star pupil because she excelled at her studies and also had a unique gift for singing and dancing. Her teacher, Gabriela, was a city girl who had taken the post in the little town to get away from the hustle and bustle of city life, but she could see great potential in Rosario and encouraged her to improve her skills. Gabriela heard of a show that was being put on in the City, the producers of which were looking for new talent and were holding auditions, Gabriela thought it would be the perfect opportunity for Rosario to show what she could do and perhaps escape the poverty in which she was living. She spoke to Rosario about the auditions but Rosario was unsure, so Gabriela offered to speak to her parents about it. Juanita and Emilio were skeptical at first but Gabriela assured them she would take Rosario herself and look after the girl, like she was her own sister. After much persuasion Juanita and Emilio agreed to let the girl go.

The day arrived and Emilio and Juanita waited at the bus stop to see their daughter and the teacher board the bus, to what maybe a new life for Rosario. Rosario shed a tear as she kissed her mother and father goodbye, it was possibly only for a couple of nights but on the other hand if she passed the audition it would be for much longer. It was the first time Rosario had been away from home and it was a great adventure. She clutched her small carpet bag with the few things her mother and father had been able to get together for her and Gabriela had very kindly dipped into her savings to make sure Rosario had a few toiletries and a couple of changes of presentable clothes.

The journey was a long one and Rosario enjoyed how the scenery changed from the mountains to plains, as they neared their destination. By the time they reached the city Rosario was really tired and Gabriela took them straight to her parent’s home where they were going to stay until after the audition, which was the following day. Rosario was too excited to sleep so Gabriela took her on a sightseeing tour, Rosario thought the city was wonderful and literally had to be forced back to the house by Gabriela

The day of the audition arrived and Gabriela took Rosario to the theatre where the auditions were being held, they had to queue with hundreds of other hopefuls but Rosario enjoyed talking to the others. Eventually it was Rosario’s turn and she performed like she never had before, wowing the producer who immediately declared “She’s the one” to his aide. Rosario was asked to stay behind with a number of other hopefuls until the producer had seen everyone, then he came to talk to them.

Those who had been asked to stay behind were asked to perform again and after the second audition Rosario was called into another room where the producer offered her the leading part. He enthused about how talented she was and explained that she would be looked after, living in luxury compared to her home and how she could send money home to her parents.

“This is a great opportunity for you Rosario” said Gabriela “what do you say?”

Monday, 16 November 2009

when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said,'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'

The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'

So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river.

The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell into the river.

A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?'

The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink..

The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said,

Saturday, 14 November 2009

The idea is, every week Raven (Views From Raven's Nest) gives you between 8 and 10 words/phrases and you have to create a small but coherent paragraph using every one of them and the same with the mini challenge. You can do either, both or a megawordzzle using all the words, or even all three, it's up to you, you can post them on your blog or email them to Raven. If you join in go to Raven's and put your name on the Mr. Linky so other participants can come visit you.

“That’ll be the police officer who said he’d call to take your statement about the accidental drowning of your ex wife” said Alice. “By the way, when are we moving into her house on the Klondike?”

And for the mini: paragon of virtue, cats-in-the-cradle, swamp, sprinkles, garbageSmokey was licking the sprinkles from baby’s chin.
He’d waited until mother took the garbage out to the bin.
“The cat’s in the cradle again” mother cried
“A paragon of virtue you told me, you lied
When you asked me to take it in from the cold,
Take it back to the swamp where it belongs!”

Megawordzzle

Ali ‘Sprinkles’ Cordell, the lead singer with the group, ‘Sugar Coated Turtles’ had a magical quality that endeared her to everyone who heard her sing, and so the group had been signed with one of the biggest labels in the recording industry. The group were on tour after the release of their first album, ‘Recliner’. Being from Louisiana they sang mostly ‘Swamp Pop’ but their first hit had been a cover version of the folk/rock song ‘Cats in the Cradle’, which had gone straight to number one. The tour was a great success and they had become good friends with their support band ‘Paragons of Virtue’.

Sprinkles was in love with the lead singer from ‘Paragons of Virtue’, whom she likened to Richard Gere. He looked nothing like Richard Gere but she thought he had brains and he reminded her of the part Richard Gere played in ‘Officer and a Gentleman’. Well that was until he left her drowning in tears.

Picking up his bag he told her candidly “I don’t want to be tied down, I was just prospecting honey” before walking away.

“Shame on you” Sprinkles railed. “You belong in the garbage can, you rat!”

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

Saturday, 7 November 2009

The idea is, every week Raven (Views From Raven's Nest) gives you between 8 and 10 words/phrases and you have to create a small but coherent paragraph using every one of them and the same with the mini challenge. You can do either, both or a megawordzzle using all the words, or even all three, it's up to you, you can post them on your blog or email them to Raven. If you join in go to Raven's and put your name on the Mr. Linky so other participants can come visit you.

Mary had just had a conversation about sea shells on Facebook with her friend from Canada. "Geese" she thought suddenly, as she heard a flock of them flying by. The noise the geese were making awoke Cutey, her bloodhound, from his nap in front of the fire. "Come with me to the Casbah Cutey" Mary said as she tried to defy gravity by dragging the huge dog into her modern kitchen. The effort caused respiration problems for Mary, who was no spring chicken, and she noticed some spider webs on the light fitting and promptly forgot the reason why she's dragged Cutey into the kitchen. Mary's attention span was getting shorter!

And for the mini: curiosity killed the cat, charming Victorian, railroad tracks, tower, salt and pepper

“Pass the salt and pepper” said Dorian,
Hardly a charming VictorianReading the newspaper and a story about power
Whilst his wife stacked dishes, up like a tower.
Another story about old railroad tracks
had Dorian questioning the facts.
Then, whilst reading over Dorian’s shoulder,
His wife didn’t see the discarded folder.
As she tripped over the folder and slipped on the mat,
Dorian whispered
“Curiosity killed the cat!”

Megawordzzle

Miranda was not past her sell by date yet, she may have salt and pepper hair and gravity was having it’s effect on her body, but she was still modern in her outlook on life. She was an active member on Facebook and recently had got to know a man who had invited her to ‘come with me to the Casbah?” Miranda found this invitation rather cute from someone who seemed more like a rather charming Victorian gentleman than a Sheikh. Actually Mason lived in London and the casbah was a pub called ‘The Flying Canada Geese’ near the Telecom Tower in Marylebone, apparently.

They had been ‘talking’ for about six months and Miranda had been like a bloodhound in her quest to find out all about Mason before she agreed to meet him. She’d heard too many horror stories of meetings with people over the internet and didn’t believe the old saying ‘curiosity killed the cat’ – the more she could find out the better. Miranda hadn’t been totally honest with Mason especially regarding her age and where she was from. She was what some people might term as being from the wrong side of the railroad tracks with a chequered past and 30 years older than the age of 22 she’d led him to believe. Luckily no photographs had been exchanged so she had been able to ensnare him in her spider webs of lies but now it was time to face the music. Well what was a woman to do when they are being wooed by a young man over the internet? She didn’t want to frighten him off before they had a chance to get to know each other!

The day arrived for the date and Miranda took great care with her appearance, she couldn’t make herself look 22 but she did look good. She wore the earrings made from sea shells which would be how Mason would recognise her and she was to look for a man wearing a red tie. Miranda arrived at the pub half an hour earlier than was necessary to give herself time to get her respiration rate down to normal, after the long walk from the tube station, and have a drink before Mason arrived.

Miranda was a nervous wreck, jumping like a startled rabbit every time the door of the pub opened. Little did she know that Mason had arrived before her and had been watching her for the last half hour, just out of sight in the other bar. At the appointed meeting time Mason decided to introduce himself. OK she wasn’t exactly how she’d described herself but she was quite attractive and presentable.

“Miranda?” he asked.

Miranda looked up into the dark eyes - Mason hadn’t been completely truthful either. He must be at least 50 but, hey, he was smart and handsome - this could probably work after all!

Tuesday, 3 November 2009

This writing challenge has changed. Originally Jeff (A Word in Edgewise) started up this monthly challenge, derived from a previous challenge from R.E.H.'s "Picture Fiction Challenge", but Jeff has given it up and Dr. John (Dr. John's Fortress) and Thom (Thom's Place 4 Well Whatever) have taken over. The challenge is now every two weeks and you can get all the details here, where you can also pick up the links to read all the entries. Do pop over and read, you won't be disappointed.

The challenge is you are given a number of pictures and must use some/all of the pictures to create a story.

Madge and Ethel were so excited about their trip to Sydney, Australia; neither had been abroad before so it was a huge adventure. Once they had gotten over their jet lag they started on the itinerary they’d drawn up before leaving England and first on the list was Sydney Opera House.

A shopping expedition at the Queen Victoria Building was also on the ‘to do’ list, Ethel and Madge were thrilled with the shops and the fashions the mannequins displayed in the windows. The pair were fascinated by the two mechanical clocks, which featured dioramas and moving figures from moments in Australian history. They were intrigued to see a sealed letter displayed in a dome, which was written by Queen Elizabeth II in 1985 and is to be opened in 2085 by the future Lord Mayor of Sydney and read aloud to the People of Sydney. No-one knows what the letter contains except the Queen.

A visit to Sydney Old Town had been recommended to them and they decided to go because there were rumours that it was closing down. Something that proved to be true as it did in fact close in 2003, the year after their visit.

They thoroughly enjoyed themselves wandering round the streets discovering the lifestyle of Old Sydney Town, seeing redcoats on parade, hearing the cannons and watching stories unfold before their very eyes by the actors and actresses such as pistol duels and a convict rebellion. They sat at the back of the Magistrates Court and heard convicts being tried, convicted and punished, as well as having a ride on a bullock drawn wagon being driven by a jovial man, who looked like and ageing Gerard Depardieu with a moustache.

It was whilst riding on the wagon that Madge started feeling unwell, she complained of stomach pains and was sweating profusely, then complained of feeling sick. Suddenly Ethel screamed “A spider, a spider!” pointing to a huge black thing scurrying across the bales of hay they were sitting on.

The driver pulled on the reins and stopped the cart telling everyone to get off immediately. “Were you bitten?” he asked Madge. There was a class of children on a school outing on the ride and he asked them if they had seen the spider, they said they hadn’t. Taking no chances he radioed for help and within minutes a car had arrived with a first aider who quickly telephoned for the air ambulance thinking that it was a possibility Madge had been bitten by a Funnel Web Spider from Ethel’s description of it. Madge by this time was in panic mode and feeling decidedly unwell. The first aider tried to reassure Madge by giving her the anti-venom, which they always kept because of the distance from the nearest hospital, and telling her they were only sending her to hospital as a precaution and she would be fine.

After making sure that nobody else had been bitten the first aider suggested they carried on with the rest of the tour and the children were ushered away by their teacher, who decided to take them to the tuck shop to take their minds off what had happened.

Standing by the bubble gum machine the children were laughing and joking and the teacher thought how insensitive children could be, they weren’t worried about what had happened to poor Madge at all. Luckily for the children, the teacher didn’t see the realistic looking replica Funnel Web Spider that they were passing round.

***************************************************************

Do you know 5th November is Blogblast for Peace?

Bloggers all over the world will be posting the same post

Dona Nobis Pacem

Latin for "Grant Us Peace"

and flying a Peace Globe with their own message for Peace. The Title of the post is important. The goal is for all blog post titles to say the same thing on the same day.

Write about peace that day or simply fly your globe.

Be part of it, join in by going here and following the instructions of how to get your Peace Globe and join in the biggest Blo gblast for Peace ever - it's really easy honest.

Monday, 2 November 2009

Pam at 'Finding Pam' kindly passed this award on to me. Thanks m'dear.

This one comes with unusual instructions. You have to doctor the list of recipients below by taking out #1 and moving everyone up, then put your own name and link at the bottom. So #1 becomes #2, #3 becomes #2 etc., etc.

Follow by Email

"One's life is never in vain, no matter how short, if people remember you." Akelamalu 2009

"A person only has to prove what they believe if they are trying to convince someone else that it's true. I don't bother trying to prove anything because what others believe doesn't matter to me." Akelamalu 2010

Welcome to my home from home......

Take your shoes off and stay a while. Please leave a comment - I love comments and I promise to return the favour.

Who I am

I'm a Scorpio female, married with two sons, four grandsons and one granddaughter. Akelamalu is my Hawaian name, not that I'm Hawaian you understand I just like the name.
As my header says "I may tell you everything. I may tell you nothing" - depending on the mood I'm in.
I also practice Reiki, if you want to know more about this please see my favourite posts.
I have a webpage where I have published my Grandmother's biography, which was written by my father when he was 72. You can read it or buy a hard back copy - just click on the links above the photograph of KIT.
All photographs on this blog are copyrighted 2007 and must not be used without express permission from me.

DAN'S FI-VER (MAY CONTAIN TRACES OF NUTS) - My son's blog

MY WEBSITE - KIT - A BIOGRAPHY OF MY GRANDMOTHER

Kit - Book Reviews

Stephen

This was a fantastic read. My mother is a niece of Joe and so Kit was my Great Grandmother, and so relating to some of the characters was fantastic. Thanks for a moving tribute to our Great Grandmother.

Lorraine

How lovely and a wonderful tribute. Your father must be so proud and I think it is incredible he took the time to sit and write this out. I am so happy for him that this has seen the light of day and we are all able to read his words. Say a big thank you to him from me please.

Fancita

This has been the most moving story I have read in a long time. I will read this over and over again. Such a wonderful give you have given.

Jackie

I loved Kit's story! My family are from the same area, so much of it was very familiar to me. It is a wonderful heirloom!

Andrew

This biography is of my great grandmother. I am the youngest son of one of Joe's nieces and really enjoyed reading and learning lots about the family history. Thanks for the moving history lesson.

Mary

Beautiful.... spent the last few days reading this on and off. Once I started reading this I could not stop. Heartworming. Memories...

M.M.

Have done nothing else today but read your mother's story. Once I started I couldn't stop. She would be very proud. Thanks for a very fascinating and moving story!! I will be going to England for the first time later this month, but not around the Manchester area. It is a place I have always wanted to visit, not for the least of which is the resilience of it's people which your family's story certainly demonstrates. Thanks.

momo

its quite amazin becuse in scool we r learnin about riting a biography of 1 of our parents.i love it!!!!!

Robin

Loved it! Started and couldn't stop until the end. My only complaint is that I couldn't view any but the first photograph - would've loved to see more of Kit and her family. What a wonderful thing to do and what a treasure for Kit's family!

Karen

I have just finished reading KIT - A Biography of my Mother. What a wonderful, heartwarming story, I enjoyed each and every chaper. Hope it will be published as a book for all to read.

Lettuce

This is wonderful, Lamalu - i've got tears on my face too, lovely writing and what a great story and insight and memory - and everything that it is! i've just read the beginning, and will be back soon for more.Congrats, this really is marvellous!

Annelisa

I've read 'The Beginning'... the birth of Kit...and was engrossed! Although there was strife, and the catholics and protestants were not good bed-fellows, it is beautiful that your grandmother and grandfather came together, and in their affection for each other gave birth to little baby Kit... I will be back to read the next chapter soon... I would love to know more about this (your) family!

Dauna

I love the words that have flowed from your heart about your mother Kit. I feel like I know you and her through your words. I have tears in my eyes. Thank you so much for sharing it was beautiful. I will be sending people to read this and hope you publish in book form I would buy. Oh my what a great heart warming story of your mothers life, love ,struggles, wonderful children and victory. Kit lived!Many blessings to you,Angel

Thank you Ron.

AWARDS - To see who awarded what and when click on view all images.

The Reiki Precepts

Just for today I will not worry;
Just for today I will not get angry;
Just for today I will be thankful for my many blessings;
Just for today I will be honest in my dealings with people;
Just for today I will be kind to every living thing.