Even though I have spent over half my life without one, not remembering to grab my cell phone off my dresser this morning has left me with a feeling of mild anxiety.

I am also annoyed with myself and at the fact that I won’t be able to use my phone to text the friends I am meeting up with after work. I am annoyed that I can’t see any new emails with just one swipe of my finger, annoyed that I won’t be watching any episodes of Chopped later today as I do boring data entry. I feel like I have lost a connection to the outside world. I feel partially isolated even as I am surrounded by numerous co-workers.

I am also mildly annoyed that not having my cell phone with me gives me a twinge of anxiety. It’s not like I will die without it. Half the time I have it I ignore it. It’s just losing the options that the cell phone allows seems like a downgrade and I don’t like downgrades. I wish I had memorized more than just my husband’s phone number. Thank goodness for email still having saved contacts that can be accessed via the internet.

When did we lose our ability to function, anxiety-free, without our phones?

I wonder how many children grow up in households that should feel like complete families but in reality one of the parents chooses to spend the majority of their time elsewhere? I wonder how much it hurts to know that even though you’re married your spouse doesn’t want to spend any time with you or your kids? I’m not talking about bitter arguments and desires to be with other people coming between the parents, I’m talking about plain old disinterest by one person towards the other, the silent rejection of love that denies the other who is left alone, bewildered that not only they, but the children, are not considered important to the other person. What kind of effect does this have on the kids? Does it teach them that relationships are one-sided or does it train them to harbor resentment towards their absentee parent? Staying together “for the sake of the kids” doesn’t really seem like the healthiest option to me. If you have a broken relationship, don’t force your children to be a part of it.

“That Time I Was Forced To Go Along (Unknowingly) On A Drug Run to Jordan, MN”

One of the nightclubs in downtown Minneapolis used to host a 16+ dance party from 7-11pm and my girlfriends and I would often go down and dance to the techno beats they played. Sometimes if we came early enough we’d even get to catch the tail end of an awesome punk show.

One such night I was there with M, N & TBF. M had driven us, this was the first time I wasn’t the group chauffeur, and M and I were in a great mood because we had gotten there early enough to see the last 40 minutes of a Dillinger Four show. Also, my on again, off again punk rocker boyfriend was there, being especially charming and introduced M and I to several members of the band after their show. N took advantage of M’s jovial disposition and asked if she was willing to give N’s “new friend” a ride home. M agreed and at the end of the night we all piled into her tiny Geo Metro to drop off some random dude in Jordan, MN.

Now had I been the one driving everyone, things might have been different. None of us realized where Jordan, MN was in relation to downtown Minneapolis. It was also in the opposite direction of the northern suburbs we all resided in. After what seemed like forever we arrived at a run-down trailer park where dude resided. Apparently I hadn’t been looped in on the whole story because when we arrived N insisted on going inside and begged us to come with her. I had just gotten a page from my parents and agreed to go inside if I could use the phone to call them back. It’s a good thing I called them before I realized what was going on.

When I called my parents to tell them why I wasn’t home yet I “truthfully at the time” told my parents we were just dropping off one of N’s friends and I’d be home soon, since M drove I couldn’t really do anything about it. My parents grumbled and told me to be home in 30 minutes, which was not going to happen, and I told them I’d insist we leave that minute. I turned around and saw N bartering with a grungy looking dude in his 40’s. I had assumed when I walked in it was dude’s dad and maybe it was, who knows, but I soon realized N had an ulterior motive for making us all trek to Jordan.

Laying on the coffee table was a huge bag filled with white powder. I got instantly annoyed. What the hell had N gotten us into. I walked over to where M was and asked if she knew what N was up to before we left the club, she told me she had but had thought N was just trying to get some weed. I became even more annoyed. They knew how I felt about hard-core drugs. I told M we had to leave and that I was going to go wait outside. N called my name and as I turned towards her and opened my mouth to speak I suddenly found her finger rammed in my mouth rubbing something on my gum. I felt them start to go numb.

I got pissed off. N asked me if it was “quality shit” and I retorted that I wouldn’t know but my gums were pretty numb. I grabbed M and dragged her outside stating I wanted no part of this. We waited outside for almost 10 more minutes until N and TBF came outside, both giggling like school girls. In my best imitation of my mother I screamed at them to get the fuck in the car. If I recall correctly I lectured them the entire ride home about their poor life choices. I even had some choice words for M about enabling such things. I didn’t realize that N had purchased an entire bag of cocaine and had it stashed in her purse. Probably good I didn’t find out till afterwards, who knows what I would’ve done.

After that I stopped hanging out with N and TBF. I didn’t want to be associated with coke users. Not sure what happened to them, they’ve dropped off the map as far as I’m concerned though last time I checked their lives were both in tailspins. I never let anyone else be my chauffeur again. I was determined to never be put in that situation and was willing to be the one spending all her money on gas to ensure that I had control over the vehicle. I also vowed to never go to Jordan, MN again…no good comes of it.