Sitting by the fire this morning, warm coffee in hand, two furry dogs at my feet, I noticed how just being in my presence, my anxious adopted dogs, become calm. They know my smell, my habits and trust my provision. Their calm confidence highlighted a truth about our relationship with God for me.

My soul, wait only upon God and silently submit to Him; for my hope and expectation are from Him. (AMP)

IF my confident hope and expectation come only from Him, I CAN submit and wait calmly for Him. Reading another version expanded the meaning of the verse:

Patiently wait for God alone, my soul!For he is the one who gives me confidence. (NET)

When I have confidence that God is trustworthy and will lead me strongly, it gives me confidence in myself. In other words:

Confidence in God determines confidence in self.

My confidence IS from God and nothing else. I do not have to take great effort to boost my own confidence. Instead, I wait, submitting my focus and engage my body, mind, and soul in the presence of God.

I have an ADD brain, waiting is hard! So, how do I tame the distracting thoughts and wait?

Thoughts of self-doubt, constantly repeat old perceptions of “I am not good enough, I am alone, I am powerless”. Plaguing perceptions that pound my confidence into a reality of uncertainty.

Reading through the chapter, I found the answer contained in the last two verses:

God is STRONG and has LOYAL LOVE for us. A no brainer…one would think. The truth is the spirit of my God, my divine Father who is strong with loyal love, lives in me. The obstacle to self-confidence is the lack of confidence of that truth. God’s reality is in me.

Jesus replied, “If anyone loves me, he will obey my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and take up residence with him.John 14:23 (NET)

A Divine power giving Divine confidence. My wandering thoughts can be captivated by the wonder of this truth, God in me. His children are defined by the divine presence of His spirit in them. Silently submit to Him!

O Love of God, how strong and true,Eternal and yet ever new;Uncomprehended and unbought,Beyond all knowledge and all thought.

O wide embracing, wondrous Love,We read you in the sky above:We read you in the earth below,In seas that swell and streams that flow.

We read you best in him who cameto bear for us the cross of shame,Sent by the Father from on high,Our life to live our death to die.

We read your power to bless and saveEven in the darkness of the grave;Still more in resurrection lightWe read the fullness of your might. Horatius Bonar

His mighty power resides in us! The furry creatures at my feet have a simple confidence in me, a created being, sustaining them in a calm dog sort of confidence. How much more profound, powerful, and sustaining is a submitting confidence in the creator. Oh the greatness of our God.

Father, flood me with your grace to fortify my confidence in your love, so that I may live boldly with confidence empowering my life to be a reflection of Your love to the world. Amen

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I have always been anxious. I came from a family of worriers. Both parents were hyper-vigilant and one parent had an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. To soothe their anxiety, the home environment was controlling and perfectionistic having everything in its place. Outside the home, I had experiences of school bullying, the stalking of a stranger in the neighborhood, bad weather threats and scary snake events….. The worse trauma for me was being sexually abused at an early age and living in silence with shame and confusion. The world did not seem safe.

I became anxious about being anxious! In my early adulthood, I thought if I had enough faith my fears and anxiety should leave. They didn’t – compounding more shame on my anxiety. This anxiety kept me behind a wall of avoidance and fear of imperfection. It impacted me emotionally as I lived with consistent fear, mentally with repeated toxic thinking, physically with intestinal issues and sleepless nights, and spiritually as I lived in shame, unable to fully embrace the love of the Father. I was stuck living a diminished version of myself unable to freely embrace my talents, abilities and status as God’s daughter, limiting the fruitfulness of my life.

In my middle age, I was led to equip myself to journey with others in their emotional and spiritual healing. This process expanded my understanding of anxiety and I discovered a healthier relationship with the affliction of anxiety.

The facts are, there is an anxiety gene. In other words, a specific gene has been identified that is activated under certain environmental stress causing an anxiety response. It has even been proven that anxiety can be a benefit for a depressed person, improving their ability to focus. Chronic worry along with depression can motivate that person to seek help for the depression, improving their chances for recovery. Anxiety is not a curse, it can have purpose. It is not my fault! I need to have compassion for my struggle with anxiety rather than shame.

Life is an unpredictable place and a little anxiety is necessary and natural as we navigate life. Any time there is a new situation, new tasks or skills to be learned, the edge of anxiety can help the process of growth. It is when the anxiety is over stimulated, causing panic or chronic worry, that the quality of life is effected. The affliction of anxiety is not a defect that renders you ineffective. Spiritually, when we are weak, it gives the spirit of God opportunity to make us strong as we trust in Him.

Recently I read a devotional by Scott Sauls, author of Jesus Outside the Line, and I was reminded of examples of defective people in the Bible who were vitally effective in God’s kingdom.

Hannah was in anguish over her infertility.

Elijah felt so defeated that he asked God to take his life.

Job and Jeremiah wished that they had never been born.

David asked repeatedly in Psalms why his soul was so downcast.

Even Jesus, the son of God, expressed a great sadness over the death of a friend and the impact it was having on the family.

These souls and lovers of God effectively demonstrated the power of God through their affliction, not in spite of the condition.

In modern times the following people have effectively led a life that has been strong confirmation of God’s grace empowering them through their affliction of anxiety and depression.

Charles Spurgeon – a tremendous preacher and writer, was afflicted with depression during many of his best ministry years.

William Cowper – a prolific and effective hymn writer, had crippling anxiety for most of his adult life.

Van Gough – created some of his best paintings after he had checked himself into an insane asylum.

C.S. Lewis – emotionally decomposed after loosing his wife to cancer.

Joni Eareckson Tada – after a tragic accident she became paralyzed as a teenager and, for a time, became deeply depressed.

Lives who light the way to the power of God’s grace, messengers of His love, give voice to His power, truth and the gift of peace in suffering. On a personal note, I know that my affliction of anxiety has made me a more effective therapist and lover of souls as I have leaned in on God’s provision, trusting His grace to empower me to not be defined by my anxiety.

Paul speaks of his own afflictions that led him to desire more affliction so he could be a stronger instrument of God’s grace to the world. His affliction was aspiring him to trust in the reality of the peace of God. Our lives should be about God’s glory not our own. When we stop focusing on the anxiety and focus on trusting God, He gives a gift of divine provision to effectively respond through our defect, sharing His grace and love to others.

Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,

My grace is enough; it’s all you need.My strength comes into its own in your weakness.

Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (MSG)

To “quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift” is a choice. I use a 4 step process that helps redirect (refocus) my brain to a different perspective and response. It is a way to release the emotional brain of it’s control and activate my mind to be more aware of the presence of God’s truths in my life.

THE FOUR STEPSStep 1: Say what you feel.Step 2: Say what you Do.Step 3: Say the truth.Step 4: Say what you will do differently.

This is what I say as I do my four steps, accepting and having compassion for my anxiety and refocusing my mind:

I am feeling not good enough and inadequate, when I feel this way

I will get anxious and become overly responsible and perfectionistic. (there is good reason why I am activated to be anxious, that is how my brain is wired – but I do not have to let the anxiety control me)

However, the truth about me is that I am competent, empowered and strengthened by God, Who never leaves me or forsakes me and values me in spite of my imperfections. So –

I will choose to stay present in the moment (for example: focus on my breath and notice my senses and environment), be thankful for how He has strengthened me in the past, to let go of my negative thoughts, be flexible with my actions and open with my feelings.

These steps reroute the neuro-pathways in my brain and allows me to calm my anxious thoughts and responses. It ultimately points me towards relaxing in the peace of God, trusting in His provision and grace. Our new identity as God’s child is profound. As we live in that identity and accept our weakness, we share His grace and love.

This process is wonderfully described by the words in the following song Exhale;“Oh God We breathe in your grace, We breathe in your grace And exhale, Oh God we do not exist for us But to share Your grace and love”

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Cathy T. Burns LPC-S

The purpose of this blog is to lead others to live with intention, focusing each day through the eyes of faith allowing a healing of heart, soul, mind and body through the presence of God... living #Hope(full)