I realized last night, after having a bit of an emotional break, that I really need to focus on not disliking the holiday season. As a Christian, this should be a joyous time of celebration. However, when the twenty-fifth commercial about a man buying his wife or girlfriend jewelry came on while I was trying to watch football, I had had ENOUGH! I exclaimed, "I can't wait until January 1st!" To which my niece replied, "Why?" I retorted, "Because then I won't have to see these stupid commercials anymore! It's like we went straight from political ads to jewelry campaign! Okay...you love her...we get it!" Like, I said, emotional break.

You see, every year right around Thanksgiving, I start to really feel the sadness of singleness. I have a great family, but it seems that everyone in my family who desires to be in a relationship is in a relationship and/or they have children on whom to focus their attention. And, every year, I tell myself that it could be worse. I could be dealing with illness or loss or some terrible tragedy and I am really blessed. But, there is something about the lack of sunlight and the addition of holiday stuff that pushes me into a holiday depression. For me, my goal every year is to make it from the end of November to February 15th without completely breaking down or losing my mind. Because right after Christmas, there is New Years Eve, three weeks later there is my birthday, and then, Valentines Day. Talk about rapid succession lonely times. I am surrounded by people and most, if not all of them, are loving and caring. Yet, this is still a time when I struggle. No matter how many people are around, I don't have MY person or MY children. And, at the end of the day on these special occasions, I leave alone. And, I know God is with me. Trust me, I remind myself of that all of the time. I would love to be the person that can say that the fact that God is everpresent is comforting to me in these times, but I would be lying if I didn't admit that being lonely on the holidays, not having a special someone, kind of sucks.So, what do the lonely do at Christmas? Well, I have found in recent years that if I focus on others and bringing them joy, it generally brings a smile to my face. If I don't think of it as a holiday, but celebrate Christ and the season of giving, it brings some comfort. Still, waking up and opening presents with my cat on Christmas morning is kind of saddening, but I focus on the fact that I did wake up and that my cat is healthy and she knows how to wipe any tears I may shed. Nevertheless, everytime I make it through this season, it is a blessing because there are so many who lack any kind of comfort and just cannot deal with the loneliness, so I thank God for that. Ms. EV

My parents have a Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes Greatest Hits CD and there is a song on it called, “Yesterday I Had the Blues.” I have no idea what the lyrics are, but the song is sung in such a melancholy tone and the chorus just repeats, “Yesterday I had the blues…” in this deep, depressing manner. Well, that is literally how I felt yesterday. Not all day. It was actually not until I got ready to go to sleep. I was talking to God, as I always do (not just before bed, but throughout the day), and, all of a sudden, I was crying. I was so deeply saddened by my loneliness in that moment that I stopped talking and started crying out to God. Why does loneliness have to hurt so bad? Am I ever going to have my own family? Will there ever be someone lying next to me to hold me at night? Will I ever get to feel the safety of someone’s arms wrapped around me? Will I ever get to say silly things that only my husband understands? How long is this going to last, Jesus? And then, I took a deep breath, dried my tears and said, “I don’t know when or where or why or how or even what, but I know Who.” I still don’t know the answers to any of those questions today. But, I know Who does. I know that it is the same One who promised that all things will work together for my good. I know He has a plan for me. I know He will never leave me or forsake me. I know He will never put more on my than I can bear. I had to get up earlier this morning than usual and when I felt myself getting upset, I thought today would be a bad day. It wasn’t. It was actually a pretty darn good day considering I got little sleep and I am not a morning person. One of my friends even commented that I was smiling so early in the day and that it was scaring him. That’s what God’s peace does. It helps you say, “Yesterday, I had the blues…but today is a new day that God has made and I am rejoicing in it.” Ms. EV