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DOYLE

A Mountain I’m Willing to Die On

March 26, 2013

Along with every other concerned parent, I watch Amer­ica’s responses to bullying-related suicides closely. People always seem quite shocked by the cruelty that’s happening in America’s schools. I’m baffled by their shock, and I’m concerned about what’s not being addressed in their proposed solutions.

The acceptable response seems to be that we should better educate students and teachers about what bullying is and how to react to it appropriately. This plan is positive, certainly. But on its own, it seems a little like bailing frantically without first looking for the hole in the boat.

Each time these stories are reported, the sound bite is: “kids can be so cruel.” This is something we tend to say: kids these days, they can be so cruel. But I think this is just a phrase we toss around to excuse ourselves from facing the truth. I don’t think kids are any crueler than adults. I just think kids are less adept at disguising their cruelty.

I heard a radio report that students who are most likely to be bullied are gay kids, overweight kids, and Muslim kids.

Hmmmmm.

I bet that at this point in American history, gay adults, overweight adults, and Muslim adults feel the most bullied as well.

Children are not cruel. Children are mirrors. They want to be “grownup,” so they act how grown-ups act when we think they’re not looking. They do not act how we tell them to act at school assemblies. They act how we really act. They believe what we believe. They say what we say. And we have taught them that gay people are not okay. That overweight people are not okay. That Muslim people are not okay. That they are not equal. That they are to be feared. And people hurt the things they fear. We know that. What they are doing in the schools, what we are doing in the media—it’s all the same. The only difference is that children bully in the hallways and the cafeterias while we bully from behind pulpits and legislative benches and sitcom one-liners.

People are sensitive. People are heartbreakingly sensitive. If enough people tell someone over and over that he is not okay, he will believe it. And one way or another, he will die.

So how is any of this surprising? It’s quite predictable, actually. It’s trickle-down cruelty.

I don’t know much. But I know that each time I see something heartbreaking on the news, each time I encounter a problem outside, the answer to the problem is inside. The problem is always me and the solution is always me. If I want my world to be less vicious, then I must become more gentle. If I want my children to embrace other children for who they are, to treat other children with the dignity and respect every child of God deserves, then I had better treat other adults the same way. And I better make sure that my children know beyond a shadow of a doubt that in God’s and their father’s and my eyes, they are okay. They are loved as they are. Without a single unless. Because the kids who bully are those who are afraid that a secret part of themselves is not okay. To that end, I wrote this letter to my son:

Dear Chase,

Whoever you are, whoever you become, you are loved. You are a miracle. You are our dream come true.

Chase, here is what would happen in our home if one day you were to tell your father and me that you are gay.

Our eyes would open wide.

Then we would grab you and hold you tighter than you would be able to bear. And while we were holding you, we would say a silent prayer that as little time as possible passed between the moment you knew you were gay and the moment you told us. And we would love you and ask you one million questions, and then we would love you some more and finally, I would rush out to buy some rainbow T-shirts, honey, because you know Mama likes to have an appropriate outfit for every occasion.

And I don’t mean, Chase, that we would be tolerant of you and your sexuality. If our goal is to be tolerant of people who are different than we are, Chase, then we really are aiming quite low. Traffic jams are to be tolerated. People are to be celebrated. Every person is Divine. And so there would be celebrating. Celebrating that you had stepped closer to matching your outsides with your insides—to being who you are. And there would be a teeny part of my heart that would leap at the realization that I would forever be the most important woman in your life. Then we would tell everyone. We would not concern ourselves too much with their reactions. There will always be party poopers, baby.

Honey, we’ve worried that since we are Christians, and since we love the Bible so much, there might come a day when you feel unclear about our feelings about this, since there are parts in the Bible that appear to discuss homosexuality as a sin. Let us be clear about how we feel, because we have spent years of research and prayer and discussion deciding.

Chase, we don’t believe that homosexuality is a sin. The Bible was inspired by God, but it was written, translated, and interpreted by imperfect people just like us. This means that the passing of this sacred scripture from generation to generation and from culture to culture has been a bit like the “telephone game” you play at school. After thousands of years, it’s impossible to judge the original spirit of some scripture. We believe that when in doubt, mercy triumphs judgment. So your parents are Christians who study and pray and then carefully choose what we follow in the Bible, based on whether or not it matches our understanding of Jesus’s overall message. Certainly we make mistakes. Everyone does. But it’s our duty to try. We must each work out our own faith with fear and trembling. It’s the most important thing we’ll ever do. Even so, some folks will tell you that our approach to Christianity is scandalous and blasphemous. But honey, the only thing that’s scandalous about this approach is admitting it out loud. The truth is that every Christian is a Christian who chooses what he follows in the Bible.

Recently there was some talk in my Bible study about homosexuality being sinful. I quoted Mother Teresa and said, “When we judge people we have no time to love them.” I was immediately reprimanded for my blasphemy by a woman who reminded me of 1 Corinthians 6:9–10. But I was confused because this woman was speaking. In church. And she was also wearing a necklace. And I could see her hair, baby. She had no head covering. All of which are sooooo totally against the New Testament Bible Rules. And so I assumed that she had decided not to follow the parts of the Bible that limited her particular freedoms, but to hold fast to the parts that limit the freedoms of others. I didn’t point this out at the time, because she wasn’t a bad person. People are doing the best they can, mostly. It’s best not to embarrass anyone.

Much of the Bible is confusing, but the most important parts aren’t. Sometimes I wonder if folks keep arguing about the confusing parts so they don’t have to get started doing the simple parts. So a long time ago, your father and I decided that if a certain scripture turns our judgment outward instead of inward, if it requires us to worry about changing others instead of ourselves, if it doesn’t help us become better lovers of God and life and others, if it distracts us from what we are supposed to be doing down here—finding God in everyone, feeding hungry people, comforting the sick and the sad, giving whatever we have to give, and laying down our lives for our friends—then we assume we don’t understand it yet, and we get back to what we do understand. Chase, what we do understand is that we are reborn. And here is what I believe it means to be reborn:

The first time you’re born, you identify the people in the room as your family. The second time you’re born, you identify the whole world as your family. Christianity is not about joining a particular club; it’s about waking up to the fact that we are all in the same club. Every last one of us. So avoid discussions about who’s in and who’s out at all costs. Everybody’s in, baby. That’s what makes it beautiful. And hard. If working out your faith is not beautiful and hard, find a new one to work out. And if spiritual teachers are encouraging you to fear anyone, watch them closely, honey. Raise your eyebrow and then your hand. Because the phrase repeated most often in that Bible they quote is Do Not Be Afraid. So when they tell you that gay people are a threat to marriage, honey, think hard.

I can only speak from my personal experience, but I’ve been married for ten years and barely any gay people have tried to break up my marriage. I say barely any because that Nate Berkus is a little shady. I am defenseless against his cuteness and eye for accessories. He is always convincing me to buy beautiful trinkets with our grocery money, and this drives your sweet father a bit nuts. So you might want to keep your eye on Berkus. But with the exception of him, I’m fairly certain that the only threats to your father’s and my marriage are our pride, insecurity, anger, and wanderlust. Do not be afraid of people who seem different from you, baby. Different always turns out to be an illusion. Look hard.

Chase, God gave you the Bible, and he also gave you your heart and your mind, and I believe he’d like you to use all three. It’s a good system of checks and balances he designed. Prioritizing can still be hard, though. Jesus predicted that. So he gave us this story: A man approached Jesus and said that he was very confused by all of God’s laws and directions and asked Jesus to break it down for him. He asked, “What are the most important laws?” And Jesus said, “Love God with all your heart, mind and soul, and love others as yourself.” He added that every other scripture hangs on this one. So use that ultimate command as a lens to examine all other scripture. And make damn sure that you are offering others the same rights and respect that you expect for yourself. If you do that, you can’t go wrong.

Chase, you are okay. You are a child of God. As is everyone else. There is nothing that you have done or will do that will make God love you any more or any less. Nothing that you already are or will become is a surprise to God. Tomorrow has already been approved.

And so, baby, your father and I have only one expectation of you. And that is that you celebrate others the way we celebrate you. That you remember, every day, every minute, that there is no one on God’s Green Earth who deserves more or less respect than you do, My Love.

“He has shown you what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”—Mica 6:8

Love, Mama

PS. We thought we should mention, honey, that if you’re straight, that’s okay too. I mean, it’d be a little anticlimactic now, honestly. But your father and I will deal.

PPS. As Daddy read this, I watched his gorgeous face intensify. He teared up a little. Then he slammed the letter down on the kitchen table and said emphatically and without a touch of irony, “DAMN STRAIGHT.” Which, when you think about it, is really the funniest thing Daddy could have said.

539 Comments

[…] decided I need to know more about Glennon Doyle Melton, and so I went perusing. What I found was this post, in which she reveals herself to be a pantheist (every person is a god, or divine). She’s not […]

Everyone has to pick and choose from the Bible. It self contradicts! So there is no choice but to interperet. Thanks for an awesome essay and it makes me feel like maybe, perhaps I have a home in the church someday.

Jennie,
You have more support than you know. Please check out the churches listed on the NALT Christians website. (NALT stands for “not all like that”)
There are also many many videos of support.
Much love to you!

Those who write in defense of the Bible and quotes of sin, please direct me to the part of the Bible that says when someone has “sinned” you shall humiliate, beat, shame, harass, embarrass, and kill. Where is that verse?

When you start picking and choosing what you believe due to political correctness or it being easier to swallow, you lose the meaning. You cant just negate hard truths because you dont agree with it and rule it out by saying it was translated and things were taken out and added. By that reasoning, you cant say that any of it is true.
We are called to love people but not their sin. If you son is gay, he is gay, you are still called to love him, but condoning homosexuality and promoting it goes against the plan God layed out for us. Wishy washy Christianity is not a viable option. We are called to love, not to judge, that isn’t our job. Letting other Christian know when they are getting The Word wrong is our duty also…

I understand that you are saying you can’t pick and choose what parts of the bible we follow. But we *all* do. Even if you just start with the Big 10….how many Christians are truly observing the Sabbath? What prioritizes homosexuality over sins that are explicitly called out such as adultery or observing the Sabbath? What causes bakers, photographers, and others to not refuse to serve those sinners?

Cate-picking and choosing is incorrect. You should believe the entire word of God-choosing to obey or not to obey makes you-us-all sinners!! You can choose which laws in society to obey as well. Doesn’t make them less important or lawful, it just means we are law breakers! God loves us unconditionally as we should others, but yes-it lovingly means to love the sinner, hate the sin. And not every Christian or minister who preaches and believes all of the word of God is a bully.

It is NOT a sin to be gay.
Please read the essay by John and Catherine Shore called “Taking God at His Word: The Bible and Homosexuality” and you can read more. (I can’t paste links in these comments)
You have to look at what was happening at the time.
During the time in which the New Testament was written, the Roman conquerors of the region frequently and openly engaged in homosexual acts between themselves and boys. Such acts were also common between Roman men and their male slaves. These acts of non-consensual sex were considered normal and socially acceptable. They were, however, morally repulsive to Paul, as today they would be to everyone, gay and straight.
THAT is what the Bible condemns and rightfully so.
That is why Christians who have really studied this are voicing their support more and more.
Check out all the churches listed on the NALT Christians website and the videos of support.
Check out the Canyonwalker Connections website.
The person who founded Canyonwalker Connections used to feel like you did until she did the research.

When you start picking and choosing what you believe due to political correctness or it being easier to swallow, you lose the meaning. You cant just negate hard truths because you dont agree witj it and rule it out by saying it was translated and things were taken out and added. By that reasoning, you cant say thatcany of it is true.
We are called to love people but not their sin. If you son is gay, he is gay, you are still called to love him, but condoning homosexuality and promoting it goes against the plan God layer out for us. Wishy washy Christianity is not a viable option. We are called to love, not to judge, that isn’t our job. Letting other Christian know when they are getting The Word wrong is our duty also…

[…] ideals and believes about Christianity and homosexuality. Glennon over at Momastry.com wrote this very compelling post that I can completely relate to. She has a son and in her post she wrote this letter to […]

Somehow friend, you’ve managed to miss the entire point by narrowly focusing your eyesight. Bless you. Hope you are able to look upward and see God one day, instead of remaining focused on a single isolated scripture. You know, until you are able to look up and see God, the stuff in the Bible is just meaningless words.

Nah that is just something some old guy threw in there so he could write whatever he wanted and we would have to live with it thousands of years later….if you say that about some of it, you call into question the entire bible. Terrible tone to set for a “Christian” writer

This is such a beautiful and moving post. As both a Christian and a supporter of people loving people, I agree whole-heartedly with what you’ve said here. It is so easy for people to pick and choose which parts of the Bible they believe are still applicable and which are not, and live their lives shouting from the rooftops about the ones that don’t apply to them and how wrong and sinful they are. If your main concern is that two men love each other, you are so blind to the real problems facing people today. Why not be an AVID PROTESTOR of children going hungry in the streets? Why not be PASSIONATE about making sure that people of color are able to get jobs? Why not CONDEMN the unfair treatment of women in 80% of the world?

If the cause that gets you the most upset is that two men or two women just love one another too fiercely, then your ignorance is your bliss.

[…] “Here’s what I believe it means to be reborn: The first time you’re born, you identify the people in the room as your family. The second time you’re born, you identify the whole word as your family. Christianity is not about joining a particular club, it’s about waking up to the fact that we are all in the same club. Every last one of us. So avoid discussions about who’s in and who’s out at all costs. Everybody’s in, baby… when they tell you that gay people are a threat to marriage, honey, think hard….” – Momastery […]

You seem like a sincere woman about your faith, but you are not sharing the “truth”. The Bible is not a flawed book it is the inspired Word of God. It is very clear that homosexuality is a sin along with many other sins listed clearly. You are not being honest with people when you say they can continue sinning and still make it to heaven. Jesus told the woman at the well to go and sin no more after he showed compassion to her. Trying to water down the “truth” is not going to help anyone spend eternity with Christ. Who shows more love the person that allows someone to continue in their sin and miss heaven or the person that gently tries to persuade someone to give up a life of sin so they can spend eternity with Christ. That should be an easy answer for you but I wonder if you will get it right after reading your blog.

“You are not being honest with people when you say they can continue sinning and still make it to heaven.”

You do realize that the Bible also makes it clear that we are ALL sinners and fall short of the Glory of god, correct? Which means that you are also a sinner (and will be for your entire life), but God STILL loves you enough to let you into Heaven. It never says that people who sin are not going to Heaven, it just says we have to admit that we sin and ask to be forgiven. Which we all are, you know.

So even though you see homosexuality as a sin, which I strongly disagree with, that does not exclude those fabulous children of God from spending their happily ever after in Heaven.

I just don’t get how we can be so “clear” on homosexuality being a sin when the word never showed up in ANY Bible until 1946? Is no one curious about what it said before? Check it out. You’ll be astounded.

Just because it wasn’t a word doesn’t mean it never existed. Check out Leviticus 18. “You shall not lie with a man as you lie with a woman. It is an abomination.” Maybe that means sleep. Maybe that means death. But I think we all know what that means. The act was here well before 1946.

Wow. You’re misleading so many people. God will hold you accountable as a woman of influence not for your message of loving, which is Christ’s commandment, but for condoning a clear violation in God’s Word. You seem like a woman seeking Him. I urge you to pray against the spirit of confusion, and after fasting and praying about this, then draw a conclusion. If it’s the same one, at least you’ll know you are leading your audience toward Truth the best you can. Loving is His commandment. But so is, “Go and sin no more.”

I am totally against gay marriage. The Bible condemns it so do i. Talking of gay marriage, it’s clearly against God’s desire for our replenishness and multiplication. So as to say, “Whatever and whoever is not for (The Bible) us is against us.”

so….I’m curious as to what your letter would say if your Son grew up to love little children- you know- like how Jerry Sandusky loves little children? Or how about a polygamist with several wives? Does that kind of love ‘win’ too?

The Bible, to the letter of its law, condones both pedophilia and polygamy. Men in the Old Testament were encouraged to marry girls as soon as they reached sexual maturity, so usually 10-14. In addition, many many many biblical figures had multiple wives– notably, King Solomon had over 700 of them. You cannot use the Bible as a ground to condemn homosexuality when it espouses these other things you apparently consider as comparable perversions. Gay relationships between two loving, respectful, consenting adults share nothing in common with pedophillic or polygamous relationships. So no, “that kind of love” clearly doesn’t win.

Oh, Emily! You are confusing so many different passages of Scripture, and quite frankly, what you’re saying is just not true. There are passages in Scripture that are descriptive (i.e. this is what happened/how things were; e.g. King Solomon and his 700 wives) and then there are passages that are prescriptive (i.e. this is what you should do/how you should live, e.g. love your neighbor as yourself, etc.). The Bible in no way “espouses” pedophilia or polygamy. If and when these things occur in Scripture, they are done so in a descriptive sense, just like slavery and prostitution; I mean, Rahab, was a prostitute and God used her mightily, but that doesn’t mean that prostitution is a okay. It means so much more that I won’t get into here.

Given these differences, and a whole host of other elements, homosexuality is something that God very clearly condemns in the Bible. It is a sin. That said, it does not mean that Christians or anyone else are given license to hate homosexuals or, of course, anyone else. We are to love others with grace and truth; not just grace and not just truth, but both working in concert together. This can only be do through the love of Christ, which we receive in His Holy Spirit when we accept Christ as the Savior we so desperately need to reconcile us to God. This love is transforming and wise and so, so, so awesome and great.

I would love to talk to you more about this, because the Word of God is so rich and so deep that there is so much more that could be said.

I would be interested in the letter you would write or the words you would say if one of your kids struggled with their weight. It makes me so sad and angry that it seems socially acceptable to look down on overweight kids and adults and to exclude them on the basis of their weight. There are even articles about how your friends “can make you fat” or hanging around with “fat people can make you gain weight.” As someone who has struggled with my weight, I worry about my daughter as she reaches puberty. This is such a tough issue.

Glennon, thank you. I had read this letter previously and had actually thought about how I would respond if it were to happen to me. Our 18 year old son said this very thing to us in the wee hours of a new year 2015, my husband and I responded with great love and hugged our child saying “I love you. Always.” The tears I have cried have not been because I am sad for him, but because I realize the future I had created in my mind was going to be different than what I had envisioned. I have fears for my son, but I have realized I have fears for all 3 of my boys, and now those fears have just changed a bit. My son put a statement on Facebook and simply said that he knew he “had family and friends who would support him no matter what.” My husbands family stepped up immediately and said “we love you.” My sons bible study leader promptly replied to my son “no matter what…peace.” My sons friends have said in their various ways “we support you. We love you. That hasn’t changed.” My 13 year old son when asked what he thought about this simply said “it’s just another thing about him. ” Love, acceptance and peace. Isn’t that how we pray for our children? To be surrounded by those very things–I know that I do. I am not disillusioned and think that it will always be easy, but not much in this life is easy. There are members of my family, biological and church, that haven’t acknowledged the news and I’m ok with that, if they cannot be loving or supportive–I’m not expecting rainbow t-shirts to be worn by all, but I don’t think love is like a light switch that you can just turn off and if it is, then it isn’t the kind of love that I have for them because I still love them despite their behaviors. This momma has realized that her love for her children is fierce and strong!

God is nothing but pure love. God created ALL things out of that love and God is part of all the things created. If God is pure Love, than everything he creates is love. NOTHING he creates is a “sin”. Its unbelievable that some “Christians” don’t get that LOVE is all there is. And if you are judging, you aren’t loving. God created everything so he could not just know everything, but actually experience those things through us. That includes every person and every action. If its not love, its not from God. Its from humans.

[…] ideals and believes about Christianity and homosexuality. Glennon over at Momastry.com wrote this very compelling post that I can completely relate to. She has a son and in her post she wrote this letter to […]

It’s interesting how people read what they want in their Bible and reject the scriptures they don’t agree with.
When you read “and that is what some of you WERE…” this means that they are no longer a thief, adulterer, greedy or a drunkard, and no longer a homosexual.
How difficult is this to understand? We as christians hate the SIN. God is not to be mocked by saying that bad behaviors are okay to do, God says to CHANGE your bad ways to his standards, not human desires.
1 Corinthians 6:9-11 Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality,nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

You make the Bible confusing because you don’t like what it says about homosexuality. It is a sin and the Bible is quite clear about that. We are not to judge because we, who are in need of grace ourselves, are not in the position to judge. We are also not in the position to decide what is and is not sin. Only God is in that position.

I’m still shocked that people can possibly believe that homosexuality is a sin. Do you think people make an actual choice to be gay? To be different and have to live a life where people bully them and judge them? Do you actually believe that millions of people CHOOSE to live a life that is oftentimes incredibly difficult? They were BORN that way. And who is responsible? GOD – the one who loves them no matter what. What a shock it will be for you when you get to Heaven one day and realize that (gasp!) gay people are there too.

It is really heart breaking to hear some bullying and other kind of stuff that really bad.I remember when a fortune tell me that i am not lucky and it became true and the fact that she know that i also enter bullying before.Sadly i don’t wanna back that time when i was a young.

I read this letter in your book. And I loved it. My husband and I both did. And I love reading it again today. We have always always made it a point to always let our son and daughter know that in God’s eyes and in our eyes, they are 150% okay, no matter what. They are loved unconditionally and with everything in us no matter what. And I truly believe that they truly believe us. And I see them passing that unconditional love on to their friends and teachers and cousins and complete strangers. They inspire me and my husband and others every day. On my son’s report card, I was thrilled with all of the A’s and B’s. But I was overwhelmed in my mommy heart to read from his teacher’s not on his strengths- “Carter has a very kind heart. He gets along well with his classmates and has a strong desire to not only be successful, himself, in school, but to help his peers be successful too.” He’s in the fourth grade. I’m so proud of my children in the way they love whole-heartedly and openly- no matter what. I think it’s what we all want. Just to be loved as we are and know and feel that we are ok.
Beautiful letter- definitely sharing!!!

Beautiful letter and sentiments. I don’t really read negative comments, these haters will hate. Love is love and that’s all there is to it. I told my son at one point in HS if he’s gay I’d love him even more, because he’s artistic and musical and caring and wasn’t into sports and didn’t have a girlfriend. He’s now in a 5 year relationship with a wonderful girl; I had to get over my pre-conceived notions. Still, when I tell this story people are astonished that I’d love my son without question, strange isn’t it?

GOD says that being gay is a sin.you cant just make up whatever you want or change GODS rules. im totally sick of people making crap up and making up what GOD had said. you need to re research your info,

Doesn’t God also say its not our jog to judge, but his. And didn’t Jesus tell us to love everyone no matter what? Didn’t Jesus also say those without sin can cast the first stone? I totally agree with this author and as a Christian, Jesus has taught me love no matter what some is or what they have done.

Cindy, Ignorance must be BLISS. GOD loves me and my gay girlfriend, regardless of what people like you say – because in the end…regardless of how holy you are, GOD is the one and only who can and will judge us.

Laura, I applaud you for taking that so well, as I would not have because I am just a more confrontational person, and well, that’s just how I am. You are correct. I don’t know you, but I love you, for your bravery and for your understanding that being gay is not a sin, and choosing to still love God when most of the people shouting homophobic and ignorant things at you say to be doing so in HIS name, when they are no more perfect or sinless than we all are. I am straight, but I believe we are ALL beautifully made in His name. You’re awesome. Thanks for being so.

if you were really a christian then you would know that being gay is not ok or normal at all. smh if my kids said mom im gay, then i would send them to therapy right away. i will never read your blogs again

Cindy – do you wear jewelry? Do you work outside the home? Do you cover your head when you are in church? Do you remain silent in the presence of men unless spoken to first? There are so many things in scripture that relate based on the time of the writer.
Also, if you are willing to discontinue reading G’s work – which is some of the most loving and Christ following writing I have seen, perhaps you should do your research on what other supporters of gay rights are. I hope you don’t enjoy Starbucks, Walmart, Target, Apple, Google, Facebook, Ebay, Mike, Ben & Jerry,s Gap – Just to name a few! You can’t say you are a non-supporter and then help fund these companies!
Have fun making your own clothes! And I will pray for your children that they are shown love from someone who can support them for who they are!

I love how you write, Glennon. And have shared perspectives with you on almost every single word 🙂 But this- This I almost didn’t read. Because I wasn’t sure where you were going to end up and honestly, I was afraid I wouldn’t like you anymore. But I buckled in and couraged up and read the words. What happened next I was not prepared for. I should’ve known- I should’ve seen it coming. I totally agreed with you! I think your ability to pinpoint exactly how I feel about things without living in my very messy mind is amazing! I was raised Catholic and this is one touchy topic, a confusing one when it comes to the bible. And all the quotes and one-line, out of context verses are mind boggling for me, never mind the kiddos I’m trying to raise right. But there you are, hitting the nail on the head once more! Thanks for keeping it real and simple and putting those dots real close 🙂 Thanks for bringing big clarity to my messy mind!

Whoa I just took photographs of this chapter and posted it on my facebook because I just read it and when I read something really amazing that’s what I do I have to share and then I saw this I had no idea. That’s God

[…] up from yesterday’s post, the next statement from the blog article A Mountain I’m Willing to Die On that I want to address is: I better make sure that my children know beyond a shadow of a doubt that […]

[…] followers. For the rest of the week, I want to review parts of a recent article she wrote entitled A Mountain I’m Willing to Die On. On its surface, the article addresses the issue of childhood bullying. But, underlying it is an […]

You are so right about our kids living what we teach them. Years ago, when I was a waitress, the owner’s 9yo daughter was with us to “work” for the day. She was a particular nationality that I won’t say, because that is not the point, but she told a joke about Jewish people. As I often do when confronted with something like that, I claimed to be whatever was meant to be the butt of the joke and said, “Hey, that’s not funny. I’m Jewish.” (It’s a great way to catch people off guard.) She replied, “No, you’re not!” and I continued to claim that I was. Finally, she spit out, “No you’re NOT.” I asked her how could she possibly know WHAT I was, and she said, “I know you’re not Jewish, because if you were, my father wouldn’t have hired you.” Wow. That left me slack jawed. That is prejudice taught…and the sad reality of our world. It broke my heart then and it breaks my heart now.

I came over to read this on a link from Michelle at So Wonderful, So Marvelous. You moved me to tears. You put into words feelings I’ve had for a very long while. Beautifully written and what a wonderful mom you must be!

This is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read on the Internet. I couldn’t agree with you more. I appreciate how eloquently you’ve shared your perspective and I respect your bravery for putting this untraditional Christian opinion out there. Obviously many don’t agree but I’m glad you posted this anyway. Thank you.

To the people who are against this blog entry – So, what about the people who don’t read “our” Bible? Or who don’t believe in God? Are they all sinners and we must outcast them because they don’t believe EXACTLY what we believe? Seriously people, even though I believe in the Bible, I don’t think everyone else in the world should hold it as their truth. It’s called FREEDOM OF RELIGION. And to believe in a higher power or whatever your own faith and culture believes in. There are cultures that have many Gods. Believe and live your life to your faith, to love even though others many not think as you do. Doesn’t mean they are wrong, just means they have a different opinion – which is OK. Just think if we all thought the same exact thing, what a boring world.

I appreciate the message you wish to send to your son, should he be gay, and I hope that we all will extend the same loving and open arms if any of us are in that situation someday. Yet, I am confused about something… you make it clear that you have studied the Scriptures, prayed, etc. and have come to the conclusion that homosexuality is not a sin. You are very satisfied with that belief and, honestly, I envy you. There is very little that I can say that I am perfectly satisfied with when it comes to my understanding of Scripture. So what about those of us who have not (or not yet) come to that same conclusion about homosexuality? (Or at least, in my case, I do not find offense in the attraction, but specifically with the sexual intercourse between individuals of the same gender that is referred to in the Bible.)
Those of us who fall into this camp MUST be allowed to continue to grapple with what we read so plainly in the Scriptures, even alongside the loving and grace-filled message that fills our Bible, the sin of “homosexuality” is still evident to so many. There is a frightening dichotomy forming in our society: You either find no sin in homosexuality and are, therefore, seen (by others and yourself) as very loving toward all people… or you do believe homosexuality is a sin and are, therefore, seen as hateful. I believe that I can find homosexuality sinful (based on my understanding of Scripture) and still love homosexuals and everyone else who sins (i.e., EVERYONE) and I am concerned for a faith culture in which we must all interpret Scriptures the same way or we are cast out as hateful bigots when it is simply not reality.
Now, as for those who are as equally satisfied as you are in your views, but on the opposite side of the fence, I also raise my eyebrow to them… When Scripture appears to be clear on the issue, but then questions of interpretation, context, etc. come into play, I’m just not sure how any Christian can be so 100% sure about whether it is a sin or not. We can be sure that LOVE is the right response and maybe that is all we need to worry about.

I wish there was a “like” button to this. E, well said. I too struggle with the “sin” aspect of it. I have no problem loving gays. I have no problem supporting gay marriage as it is a matter of state, not church. I do struggle with what I teach my kids about sin though, or myself for that matter.

I have reconciled, for the moment, to this: I accept that I’m not sure. When I drink a beer, it is not sin. It isn’t something that grabs a hold of me or that I struggle with. I have wrestled with the scripture that advises against drinking and walked away sure in MY faith that it is not wrong for me. Many others in their own walks will have very different conversations with the Lord.

I think this may be the same thing, and it’s a matter of them dealing with the Lord on the subject, not me. If a couple are in a monogamous relationship, love the Lord, and have no issues with their relationship, then I really have nothing to say. Maybe it’s when it becomes a sex addiction, or leads to adultery. As someone posted to G said in previous post: When the action affects loving the Lord our God, and/or loving our neighbor, that is when we need to consider it possibly a sin.

It is a tough dichotomy nevertheless. The more I pray, the more I think Love should be our litmus test.

I agree, IB. I’ve wondered and wondered about this over the years because I don’t believe God is arbitrary, outlawing things that are harmless just to flex His authority, and yet I can’t for the life of me understand WHY homosexuality would be a sin.

Perhaps in Biblical times it was believed that homosexual experimentation might snare straight men into gay lifestyles and keep God’s people from reproducing, as well as damaging their marriages. I don’t know. That doesn’t make much sense to me, because from my 20th century perspective, I can see that a gay lifestyle doesn’t appeal to straight people at all, so where’s the snare? And the small percentage of people who are gay and therefore couldn’t reproduce in Bible times (though with the help of science, they can now) wouldn’t really be a threat to population growth.

Certainly there is danger when a homosexual descends into debauchery and licentiousness, but that is equally true of a heterosexual. Making gay marriage legal, and teaching our young people that faithfulness and monogamy are both safe and moral, no matter what orientation one finds oneself, seems a better recipe for society to me.

I’ve heard Christians say that having a homosexual orientation is not sinful, but acting on it, is. This is usually followed by the conclusion that all gay people must be called to a life of celibacy, like Paul (and I’m not asserting that Paul was gay, just that he was not married, and a big fan of celibacy). Certainly the Bible does teach that celibacy can be a calling and a gift, but I find it arrogant to assume that I know what another person’s calling and gifts are. It’s hard enough knowing what MINE are, which is really all God asks of me.

Does the Bible teach that homosexual sex is sinful? It certainly SEEMS to. There are 8 or 9 verses that say so. I have read scholarly articles that dissect each of these verses and explain away each one as a reference to child prostitution, gay sex slavery, or heterosexuals not being true to their orientation. And as much as I wanted to accept those arguments, I found them to be unconvincing, at best. I don’t think the Bible should be hard to understand, and those verses seem rather clear without having to know Greek or Hebrew. Occam’s Razor tells us the simplest explanation is usually the right one, and the simplest way to read those verses is just as they appear.

But I have to agree with Glennon, that there are many, many Biblical rules that we Christians disregard because we assume that our superior scientific or hygienic knowledge makes them obsolete. There are others that we refer to as “old covenant” and claim that Jesus nailed to the cross. Some rules we claim were just cultural. There are about a hundred that we don’t even attempt to explain away, such as the stipulation that disobedient children should be stoned to death, or that illegitimate bastards (and their descendants) aren’t allowed in church!

Personally, I cannot think of any reason why committed homosexual relationships would be harmful to society or an affront to God. It’s a puzzle. Because I haven’t heard a single argument AGAINST homosexuality that could convince me it was wrong, and I haven’t heard a Biblical argument in defense of it that wasn’t similarly unconvincing.

Then I am reminded that though there are 8 or 9 verses in the Bible that talk about homosexuality as sinful, and which don’t apply to me in the least, there are more than 3000 that talk about taking care of the poor and needy. 3000. And those instructions DO apply to me, and I’m not very good at obeying them. And then the whole homosexual puzzle starts to seem silly to me. It’s as if God is saying, “Jacki, you can’t figure this tiny little thing out, and I’m not going to help you with it. Because YOU DON’T NEED TO KNOW. Get back to doing what you know I want you to do.”

And that’s where I am now. I’ve accepted that I don’t know the answer to this one, and I don’t need to. What I DO need to do is love more. I want to be like Jesus, who loved so radically and unconditionally that prostitutes and tax collectors flocked to Him. If He had spent too much time talking about how prostitution and stealing tax money were sinful, I doubt that would have been the case! And if Jesus didn’t take on the role of moral guardian, and He was “without sin”, then how can I???? I am “the chief of sinners.”

Please, PLEASE, someone, explain this to me!! You said you read and studied the Bible and could not find anywhere where sodomy/homosexuality was not a sin, but it took me 1 minute to find these scriptures. What bible do you read where these versus are not in there?? I really want to know, please!! I know the Bible says to love all God’s children, just as Christ loved us and showed us by laying down His life for us. Please, help me see where we, as confessing Christians should condone the gay lifestyle, gay marriages, or homosexuality in any form???

“If a man lies with a male as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination.” (Leviticus 20:13).

“You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination. Nor shall you mate with any animal, to defile yourself with it. Nor shall any woman stand before an animal to mate with it. It is perversion. ‘Do not defile yourselves with any of these things; for by all these the nations are defiled, which I am casting out before you.” (Leviticus 18:22-24).

“For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due.” (Romans 1:26-27).

“As Sodom and Gomorrah, and the cities around them in a similar manner to these, having given themselves over to sexual immorality and gone after strange flesh, are set forth as an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire.” (Jude 7)

Exactly what type of “sexual immorality” and “strange flesh” had the Sodomites “gone after”? It was homosexuality:

“Now before they lay down, the men of the city, the men of Sodom, both old and young, all the people from every quarter, surrounded the house. And they called to Lot and said to him, “Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can have sex with them.” (Genesis 19:4-5)

As for Sodom and Gomorrah, God didn’t destroy them because of what happened with Lot and the angels, because Genesis is pretty clear that God had ALREADY decided to destroy them BEFORE sending the angels to rescue Lot.

One might counter that the incident with Lot and the angels was an ongoing problem, and while that is in the category of speculation, I would argue that if it that were the case, then I believe the sin of Sodom was probably a tendency to “violent gang rape of strangers” rather than “homosexuals living in committed, long-term relationships.”

Wow! Glennon, you have such an awesome way of saying what is in my heart, though I would never have been able to express it that way. I am sad to see people wanting to argue with your soul-bearing opinion. However, I am also encouraged by how many people agree with you and how many people out there feel like I do – that LOVE is the most important thing. I LOVED your line near the end about everyone deserving the same level of respect. I think so many people are missing the main point here. The main point is that our children are behaving exactly like the adults around them. The message of love and acceptance has to start with us. The Bible says, “Love covers a multitude of sins.” And by this I am not implying that homosexuality is a sin. I am implying that we are all sinners and we are all judging others as a result of our own flaws and insecurities. It is time to let go of who is right or wrong. LOVE is right. God created each of us and each of us deserves love. Everyone will stand before God and answer to Him for their life here on earth. God doesn’t need us to judge for Him. He needs us to share His love. I think the haters in this comment thread need to realize that Glennon never professed to be perfect and to be more enlightened than the rest of us regarding the Bible. Glennon only knows that she loves God and she works hard to make loving others a priority for her and her family. So stop trying to tear down her message and start appreciating her message for what it is. Life is messy and we make mistakes, so let’s not point out each other’s mistakes, let’s pick each other up and carry on together! Thank you for your blog, Glennon!

Christianity is not an “everybody’s in” deal. Your argument is flawed on many key points, unfortunately, and I’m sad to see that so many readers take your opinion as “gospel”. I hope everyone reads the Bible for themselves and discerns God’s will for their own life.

“For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive.” 1 Corinthians 15:22

Humans erect so many barriers between each other: walls of race, gender, class, nationality, denomination, sexual orientation, etc. Jesus knocked them all down. “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Galatians 3:28

Thank you Glennon, for being a voice for truth, Love, and reason over hate and bigotry. So many of the arguments against gay marriage are exactly the same as were given to fight against inter-racial marriages not so long ago. Keep on, keepin’ on G. We appreciate it.

It really, really saddens me to read some of these comments. Even if one does not agree with homosexuality, who are we to judge each other? God told us to LOVE one another- spread his word through LOVE. Not through judgement about whether someone ELSE is following the will of God. In the end, GOD is the ultimate judge. He is the only one righteous enough to pass judgement on anyone else. So please, everyone! This woman is preaching about loving one another! She is not condemning any religious groups- she is actually praising hers because she knows what God truly wants from us- to love one another as ourselves.

I grew up in a Catholic family, attending Catholic school, and mass 3-4 times a week. I studied Christianity and Catholicism very deeply and the #1 message that I have received from my studies is to “LOVE ONE ANOTHER.” When we were younger, this was called the “golden rule” because it was God’s #1 want from us. If we TRULY love everyone around us- with no prejudice- all of his other commandments will fall into place. But we cannot follow God’s will if we are judging or condemning others.

I think this is so beautifully said. It is perfect and you are an outstanding mother for teaching your child these values. Your children are going to be amazing people 🙂