How to Express Love in a Long Distance Relationship

This article was co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC. Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.

There are 14 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.

Being in a long-distance relationship can be tough, especially when it comes to communication. The most important thing to establish is your love for your partner, but even that might feel hard to express when you’re not with them. Being honest and allowing yourself to open up, whether it’s over a phone call, video chat, or even text message, will help strengthen your relationship, no matter how far away you are.

Text them randomly throughout the day. You can show your significant other that they’re on your mind by sending them texts throughout the day, not just when you have a specific question or something to say. Check in every couple of hours to say hi, tell them something funny about your day, or just say you miss them. Send something casual, like:

Go into detail when talking about your day to make your partner feel like they’re there. Share the things that happen to you in enough detail that your partner really feels like they’re there with you. This will help them feel like they’re a part of your life, lessening the distance between you.[1]

For example, you could say, “This dinner took forever haha. The client ordered like 3 appetizers and they were all so fancy when all I wanted was french fries lol. She was nice and I think we’ve got the sale, but I was so ready to leave by the end.”

Text them about things that remind you of them. When you hear or see something that reminds you of your partner, tell them about it! It’ll make them feel good to know that you’re thinking about them and being reminded of them throughout the day.

You could say, for example, “I just passed someone walking their dog and it looked EXACTLY like Buddy,” or, “Just ordered your favorite: plain eggs and bacon for dinner haha.”

Send them pictures and videos to make them smile. Send your significant other funny pictures and videos you see online, selfies, and even pictures from your day to day life. You can do this over text or Snapchat, and even start a streak with them by sending pictures multiple days in a row.[2]

Tell them you love them in different, specific ways. Your partner already knows you care about them, but it never hurts to remind them every once in a while, especially when they’re not expecting it. Try to think of a different reason every few days and send it to them without preamble, just to make them feel good.

Save a couple things to tell them on the phone or in-person. Texting is great for keeping in touch throughout the day, but don’t make it your primary means of communication. Save a couple of interesting things to talk about over the phone or on video chat, like longer stories or big events. You want to make sure you have lots to go over when you talk later.[3]

You could pique their interest by promising to tell them about something later. Say, “The most hilarious thing just happened lol, remind me to tell you about it later!”

Set up a time to talk every day. Try to keep a regular phone or video chat schedule to make sure you include your partner in your everyday routine. It’s also a nice way to check in with each other and hear each other’s voices, which can help you feel closer. If your schedules don’t allow you to talk every day, come up with a realistic routine that works for you.[4]

Tip: Calling each other right before bed is a nice way to wind down after a long day. It can also help you feel like you’re going to sleep next to each other.

Give them an unexpected call once in a while to surprise them. Just because you set up a calling schedule doesn’t mean you can’t drop in from time to time! Surprise your significant other over their lunch hour or right after they wake up to put a smile on their face.

Ask about each other’s daily lives when you talk. When you get on the phone, check in with your partner about their day at work or school. Ask about their friends or colleagues, see how different projects are going, and generally express interest in their day-to-day life. This might seem small, but showing that you’re invested in what’s going on in their life can make them feel loved and special.

Open up about things you can’t talk to anyone else about. Beyond everyday life, you can also talk with your partner about anything else that’s on your mind. Phone and video calls are the time to bring up any worries or stresses you might have, about your relationship and otherwise. Ask them how they’re doing and share what you’re feeling too. Listen to them and ask questions, and be honest about yourself as well.

To bring up something about your relationship, you might say, “I’ve been feeling kind of left out lately. I’m glad you’re hanging out with your friends, but I miss talking with you.”

Talking about deeper issues or feelings might be hard, but it shows that you trust each other. In the end, working through things together will bring you closer.

Tell them that you miss and love them. It can help your partner to hear that you love and miss them in your own voice, not just over text. Make sure to tell them you care about them every time you talk, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Keep your tone positive; moping about missing them might bring them down, too. Instead, focus on how much you love them and how happy you are to be with them, even if it’s hard.

Saying You Love Them on the Phone

“I’ve really been missing you. I can’t wait to see you soon.”

“It’s so good to hear your voice! I know we just talked yesterday, but still.”

Send a love letter. Snail mail might feel old-fashioned, but it’s a uniquely sweet way of communication with your partner. They’ll be surprised and touched that you took the time to write them a real letter. Texts and phone calls are wonderful, but they’ll treasure your letters for a long time.[5]

In your letter, talk about how much you love them and how they make you feel. Describe the future you see for your relationship and how excited you are to have that with them.

Set up long-distance dates to make time for each other. Just because you’re not in the same place doesn’t mean you can’t have date nights! Plan to video chat at the same time and do something together, like eating a nice dinner or playing a game. This is a special way to reconnect and spend time together outside of your usual phone calls.[6]

Make private social media accounts just for sharing things with each other. Create a private Instagram or Pinterest account just for the two of you to share. Post things that remind you of each other, from your everyday life, photos of both of you together, or even a countdown to the next time you’ll see each other.[7]

This gives you another way to connect with each other and express your love when you’re not together.

Plan to visit each other when you can. In a long-distance relationship, it’s good to plan ahead and always know when you’ll see each other next, even if it won’t be for a few months. This gives you both something to look forward to and prevents you from going too long without seeing each other.[8]

When you do visit, take advantage of the time together! You can do fun activities in each other’s towns, but make sure to take time to be alone and reconnect, too.

Don’t put too much pressure on yourselves to have a perfect visit. Don’t feel bad if you get into an argument, or if one of you needs to work or study while you’re together. Be flexible and understanding with each other.

Send intimate pictures if you both feel comfortable with it. Sending intimate pictures to your partner can help them feel loved and desired, which is important in a long-distance relationship. It’s important to remember, though, that you shouldn’t send pictures unless both of you are OK with it. It might be awkward to talk about, but being honest about what you want or don’t want can make your relationship better in the long run.[9]

You could say, for example, “I miss seeing your body. Do you want to send me a couple pictures? It’s OK to say no if you don’t feel comfortable with it.”

Make sure you have established trust in your relationship before sending any private pictures.

Send them a care package on special days. If you can’t be together on your anniversary, birthday, or Valentine’s Day, sending your significant other a thoughtful care package is a great way to make them feel special from afar. You can include things like non-perishable foods, books, small gifts, and other little presents you know they’ll love.

If you want, you can give the care package a theme. A Valentine’s Day care package, for example, could be full of candy, chocolate, and stuffed animals, as well as a love letter and a picture of the two of you.

Send them pictures or collages of both of you together. Sending your partner cute pictures of the two of you can remind them of the times you’ve spent together, which can make it a little easier to be apart. You can send them a few pictures randomly, on your phone or via email, as a quick, sweet surprise. You can also get the pictures printed and framed to send to them as a gift or even make a collage of special times you’ve had together.

Be honest with each other. Honesty is key in any relationship, but it’s especially important if you’re doing long-distance. It might be tempting to push doubts or worries under the rug, but that’ll just put off the problem, and might even make it worse. Being honest with each other will keep your lines of communication open, and help you both to trust one another.[10]

If you’re worried about your relationship, for example, you could say, “I feel like we don’t talk as much as we used to, and it’s been hard for me. I miss hearing your voice every night.”

It’s especially important to talk to your partner if you’re questioning whether to keep the relationship going. Say something like, “I’ve been thinking a lot, and I’m not sure about doing this anymore. It’s been really hard on both of us and I don’t want to put either of us through that.”

Work through tough times together. Every relationship experiences some bumps in the road, but they can feel harder to move past when you’re not with each other. When you’re feeling frustrated, annoyed, confused, or upset, it’s important to talk to your partner about it and work through it as a team. Figuring out a solution or a compromise together can be hard, but it will reinforce the strength of your relationship in the long run.[11]

Don’t cut off communication while you’re working through tough times since it could create more problems.

Let them lead an independent life, and have your own, to show your trust. Not being with your partner all the time might make you start thinking about them or pining after them even more. Instead of allowing this to spiral into trust issues, or dedicating all of your free time to talking to them, try to let each other develop your own lives, just as you would if you were together. Pursue your hobbies, try new things, spend time with friends and family, and let your partner do the same.[12]

Staying busy will also help get your mind off of how much you miss your partner.

Tell your partner who you’re spending time with so they don’t get jealous.

Talk about your future together so you know you’re on the same page. If you’re in a long-distance relationship, there’s a good chance you consider it a long-term relationship as well. Most people don’t attempt long-distance unless they know that their partner, and their relationship, are worth it! Still, it’s important to make sure you’re both in agreement on where your relationship is going. This isn’t an easy talk to have, but it’s crucial to keep your relationship strong and honest.[13]

Say something like, “I wanted to talk about where this is going, long-term. I really think we can make this work, even doing long-distance, and I think our relationship deserves a chance, but I want to know where you’re at.”

Try to have this talk before you start long-distance if you can.

Determine early on in the relationship if either you or your partner is willing to move. That way, you can determine how long you’ll be apart before seeing one another full time.

Review and celebrate your relationship often. A long-distance relationship can be hard, but you wouldn’t try to make it work if it wasn’t worth it. Every few weeks, take a moment with your partner to talk about all that’s going well in your relationship: your feelings for each other, the values you share, the ways you make each other better people.[14]

You can also take this time to take stock of the not-so-good parts of your relationship. Talk about the last argument you had, going over what caused it and how you might have prevented it.

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About This Article

This article was co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC. Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.

To express love in a long-distance relationship, text your partner a few times a day to let them know you’re thinking of them. Send them pictures or stories that remind you of them, or simply check in to say you love them! You should also try to talk on the phone or video chat once day to hear each other’s voices and reconnect. Set up a few long-distance dates, as well, to talk, laugh, and spend time together as a couple.