This is a man with stockpiles of self-belief so massive, the small matter of a red card against Chelsea in a huge Champions League tie won't faze him. Zlatan doesn't get fazed.

No, Zlatan sees the world through a filter of Zlatan-ness that allows him to take all this madness firmly in his stride. As our patented Zlatan mind-reading device shows, Zlatan's brain works somewhat differently…

The offending challenge on Oscar (Image: Reuters)

INSIDE ZLATAN'S BRAIN: "The boot of Zlatan is a strong boot; a boot that shall strike down its foes and serve as a tool of swift, merciless justice. If you dare to touch the boot of Zlatan, you must be strong, brave and noble. You, my young friend, do not possess such qualities."

The red card is brandished (Image: Glyn Kirk/AFP/Getty Images)

INSIDE ZLATAN'S BRAIN: "It is a privilege for each and every referee in the game to have the opportunity to show a red card to Zlatan. For the three previous officials to have dismissed Zlatan in the Champions League, the moment is a highlight in both their lives and their careers. Mr Bjorn Kuipers - Zlatan gives you this moment to take to your deathbed."

Zlatan is surrounded by Chelsea players (Image: Reuters)

INSIDE ZLATAN'S BRAIN: "Mere footballers are drawn to Zlatan, who is more than a simple athlete. These men hope that, by placing themselves in close proximity to Zlatan, they will absorb and learn. I bear these simple souls no ill will. If it were I, I would also wish to be in the presence of Zlatan."

Heading down the tunnel, with a few choice farewells from Chelsea fans (Image: Reuters)

INSIDE ZLATAN'S BRAIN: "It is entirely understandable that these basic peasants should be somewhat overwhelmed to see Zlatan in the flesh. Did the farmers of yore not gasp in awe when a King passed their fields? And let us never forget - Zlatan is indeed a king…"