Why having good manners always matters

Ever wonder why key hires are made after the boss takes a top prospect out to lunch or dinner?

It’s because sharing a table presents a prime opportunity to observe a candidate’s table manners in action, especially how they relate to the service staff.

Demanding and arrogant? Or well-mannered and respectful?

I happen to regard good manners as essential for civilized human interaction. Your manners serve as a tell-tale sign of whether I would recommend you for a job. Or not.

Call me old-school, but I believe that recognizing good manners – the timeless art of knowing how to behave around others, especially co-workers, is still, and will always be, one of the hallmarks of smart, savvy and successful hiring.

Simply stated, having good manners is essential, a “must-have” for the workplace – any place, really.

What follows is a sampling of “do’s” and “don’ts” that you should and shouldn’t do. Believe me, there are plenty more.

If you feel these don’t apply directly to you, fine. Maybe you always behave respectfully, with impeccable manners worthy of royalty. If that’s the case, congratulations: You’re more likely to be hired than that ill-mannered slacker who came before you.

1) Do say “please” and “thank you”: Simple enough, right?

2) Don’t hesitate to say “hello” and “goodbye”: Greet fellow co-workers with a smile and friendly greeting, when the day begins and again when you go home. As with “please” and “thank you,” say it like you mean it.

3) Do say “please forgive me”: If you do happen to say something thoughtless or unkind or unnecessary, saying “forgive me” isn’t a sign of weakness. It shows strength of character.

4) Don’t hesitate to say “I’m sorry”: There are plenty of times when good manners aren’t enough. It happens: You make a mistake. You say the wrong time at the wrong time. You do something you shouldn’t. Admit it, first to yourself and then to whomever your mistake was directed or whose life/work balance you unintentionally put in a tizzy. And mean it.

5) Do stop interrupting: Let people finish talking, even if you’re bursting inside. If you do happen to blurt out something that feels like you’re interrupting, say “Sorry.” And mean it. You wouldn’t want to be interrupted when you’re droning on and on. Besides, don’t drone on and on.

6) Don’t spread gossip: Idle or otherwise, true or not, spreading gossip can be toxic. By its very nature, gossip is meant to be hurtful, so it’s best left unspoken, especially at work. You wouldn’t want anyone to talk about you behind your back, would you?

7) Do resist the urge to tell others how to behave: Doesn’t matter if you’re right and they’re wrong. Nobody likes to be told how to live their lives. Besides, what gives you the right to tell others? Nothing, unless you’re asked first. Then be kind and respectful of others’ feelings.

8) Don’t be a whiner: Even if you have plenty to whine about. No one wants to hear your complaints, unless you voice them in a responsible way, usually through the HR department. If you have valid complaints, go through proper channels.

9) Do keep your work area as uncluttered as possible: Perhaps you recall the famous quote of Laurence J. Peter, guru of the “Peter Principle,” who supposedly said: “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” His desk must’ve been a total mess. Who’d want to share an office with him?

10) Don’t mindlessly check your smart phone when someone is speaking to you or when you should be paying attention: That’s one of my pet peeves and we’re all guilty. I’ve done it myself. Sad to say, constantly checking and re-checking our emails, texts and phone messages during business meetings and casual conversations is one of those bad manners that seems unlikely to change.

On a more serious note, our national workplace culture lately has been shaken by bad behavior – and its consequences -- that goes way beyond simply bad manners. Let’s hope a healthier respect for common sense and common decency in the treatment of others begins to take shape.