Christmas Jokes For Geeks: Christmas is just around the corner so let’s keep the jokes coming to get your heart pumping. I hope our jokes for IT professionals (corny or not) made you laugh, or at least smile.

To those of you who are hard to please, maybe this next set of jokes will finally make you cry with laughter. But if you will still not find this funny, shame on you! You don’t have a sense of humor and you don’t deserve a gift this Christmas because you are grouchy like The Grinch. I’m just kidding :-)

So here goes our Christmas jokes for geeks; have fun reading, or singing…

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the shipNot a circuit was buzzing, not one microchip;The phasers were hung in the armourery securely,In hope that no alien would get up that early.The crewmen were nestled all sung in their bunks(Except for the few who were partying drunks)And Picard in his nightshirt, and Bev in her lace,Had just settled down for a neat face to face...

When out in the hall there arose such a racket,That we leapt from our beds, pulling on pant and jacket.Away to the lifts we all shot like a gun,Leapt into the turbos and shouted "Deck One!"The bridge red-alert lights, which flashed through the din,Gave a lustre of Hades to objects within.When, what on the viewscreen, our eyes should behold,But a weird kind of sleigh, and some guy who looked old.

But the glint in his eyes was so strange and askew,That we knew in a moment it had to be Q.

His sleigh grew much larger as closer he came.Then he zapped on the bridge and addressed us by name:"It's Riker, It's Data, It's Worf and Jean-Luc!It's Geordi, and Wesley, the genetic fluke!To the top of the bridge, to the top of the hall!Now float away! Float away!Float away all!"

As leaves in the autumn are whisked off the street,So the floor of the bridge came away from our feet,And up to the ceiling, our bodies they flew,As the captain called out,"what the Hell is this, Q?!"The prankster just laughed and expanded his grin,And, snapping his fingers, he vanished again.As we took in our plight, and were looking around,The spell was removed, and we crashed to the ground.Then Q, dressed in fur from his head to his toe,Appeared once again, to continue the show."That's enough!" cried the captain, "You'll stop this at once!"And Riker said, "Worf, take aim at this dunce!""I'm deeply offended, Jean-Luc" replied Q,"I just wanted to celebrate Christmas with you."As we scoffed at his words, he produced a large sack.He dumped out the contents and took a step back.

"I've brought gifts," he said, "just to show I'm sincere.There's something delightful for everyone here."He sat on the floor, and dug into the pile,And handed out gifts with his most charming smile:"For Counsellor Troi, there's no need to explain.Here's Tylenol-Beta for all of your pain.For Worf I've some mints, as his breath's not too greatAnd for Geordi LaForge, an inflatable date."For Wesley, some hormones, and Clearasil-plus;For Data, a joke book, for Riker a truss.For Beverly Crusher, there's sleek lingerie,And for Jean-Luc, the thrill of just seeing her that way."And he sprang to his feet with that grin on his faceAnd, clapping his hands, disappeared into space.

But we heard him exclaim as he dwindled fromsight, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good flight!"---end---

Computer Wonderland Singalong

Another "ping",Are you listenin'?The puter screen,Is a glistenin'.With icons so bright,They light up the night,Welcome to the e-mail wonderland!

Gone away,Are the hall talks.Here to stay,Is the IN-BOX.Flagged "urgent, please read!",And "answer with speed!".Welcome to the e-mail wonderland!

Until you,Are retired,The same old grind,It is required.You'll face unafraid,That message parade.Welcome to the e-mail wonderland---end---

Christmas Shopping For Geeks

Rule #1When in doubt - buy him a Star Wars book. It does not matter if healready has one. I have a friend who owns 17 copies of “The WookieCookies Cookbook” and he has yet to complain. As a geek, youcan never have too many Star Wars books. No one knows why.

Rule #3If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his gamesystem. A crappy third-party DDR pad, a whacky looking joystick,or any game from the bargain bin. Geeks love gifts for their gamesystems. No one knows why.

Rule #4Do not buy geeks cologne. Do not buy geeks ties. And never buygeeks designer shoes. I was told that if God had wanted geeks towear decent clothes, he wouldn't have invented sweatpants.

Rule #5You can buy geeks new remote controls to for their computer. Ifyou have a lot of money, buy your geek a big-screen TV that canhook up to the computer with an ergonomic chair. Watch him gowild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #6Do not buy a geek any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, you willhave to listen to the many different concoctions they did at theMicrosoft Party.

Rule #7Buy industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. I'mtold they will appreciate the efficiency and savings.

Rule #8Do not buy geeks label makers. Within a couple of weeks, therewill be sighs because they will be lamenting for the newest modelwith Ethernet and modem ports so that he can create labelsremotely. No one knows why.

Rule #9Never buy a geek anything that says "for outside use" on the box.It will ruin his Special Day and he will always stick it in thecloset.

Rule #10Good places to shop for geeks include Electronics Boutique, Sun-coast Video, Circuit City, Fry’s Electronics, Barnes and Noble, andpricewatch.com. (Online stores for “Lord of the Rings” merchandiseare also excellent geek stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn'tknow what it is. "From “Lord of the Rings”, eh? Must be somethingI wanted. Hey! Isn't this genuine orc hair? Wow! Thanks.")

Rule #11Geeks enjoy stupidity. That's why they never make mistakes of theirown (*cough*) - but they will enjoy others’ stupidity. Get him thecomplete Monty Python Collection. Or point him to complaintpages by AOLers. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants to bep\/\/33n3d?"

Rule #12Tickets to a cheesy kung fu movie are a smart gift. However, hewill not appreciate tickets to the WWF. Everyone knows why.

Rule #13Geeks love personal electronics. But never, ever, buy a geek youlove a laptop. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8and what happens when he gets a label maker.

Rule #14It's hard to beat a really processor upgrade or an ergonomickeyboard. Never buy a real geek a regular keyboard. It must bean ergonomic keyboard. No one knows why.

Rule #15Photoshop. Geeks love Photoshop. It takes us back to the days whenpasting your face on the body of a model was funny or at leastdesperate. Nothing says love like Adobe Photoshop 6.0. No oneknows why.---end---