Wednesday, June 29, 2011

For Ladies Only

Ladies, I don't know about you, but the LAST thing I want to do during my annual OB=GYN visit is to have a conversation. Unfortunately, that's just what happened to me today. Now, I love my doctor. I really do. She is very sweet, personable, friendly, etc. She's an enthusiastic, vibrant lady and I'd love to be friends with her. She talks with a big smile on her face and raises her eyebrows for emphasis. So keep that picture of her in your mind while you read the following transcript of my doctor visit:

Dr. Brown (comes in and sits on little rolling chair): Hey, Kimberly, how was your year?
Me (sitting uncomfortably BUTT NAKED under a paper vest and paper sheet): Um, it was fine.
Dr. B: So, have you done anything fun? Gone on vacation or anything like that?
Me: Um, no.
Dr. B: Oh, really? (sighs) We can't go on vacation because our kids are going to several camps this year.
Me: Uh-huh . . .
Dr. B: Yeah, and they have to be tutored because of the high expectations of the school system.
Me: Mm-hmmm . . .

And so it goes for at least 15 minutes. She covered the following topics: different learning styles of children, Catholic versus public schools, homeschooling, everyone finding their own niche, her experiences as a student, her children's experiences as learners, reading fluency, reading comprehension, artistic oriented people--
Okay, so you get the idea. I kid you not! Meanwhile, it was all I could do to concentrate on the conversation and not worry that one of my boobs was falling out of the front opening of the vest.

Finally, it was time for the exam. Whew! I was so relieved that I could finally just sit and be quiet. But alas, the conversation was not over yet. This is the conversation that actually happened DURING MY EXAMINATION!

Dr. Brown: Did you ever notice how Europeans just LOVE a terrible ending in their books?
Me: Oh, yeah . . .
Dr. B: It's so interesting that Europeans and Americans enjoy different types of endings to stories.
Me: Mm-hmmm . . .
Dr. B: Yeah, they write books that are kind of like Oprah books. Too heavy, deep and depressing.
Me: Uh-huh . . .
Dr. B: I never liked those Oprah books. Give me something uplifting!
Me: Nods
Dr. B: You can find all of that depressing stuff on the news and in everyday life!
Yada Yada Yada until finally the exam was over.

Dr. Brown: Okay, we're done! You look great! Good to see you! Bye! See you in a year! (gives me a hug)
Me: Yeah, bye.

And they wonder why my blood pressure was high both before and after the exam.