WHAT planet are some of these judges living on? When are they going to get in touch with the real world?

And what a slap in the face for Kidscape, the NSPCC, and any other people who are trying to protect children from evil people.

You’ve guessed it, I’m talking about those twisted, wicked, subhuman women that thought it was fun to have the kiddies fighting purely for entertainment and video it.

Let me quote from some of the video. “Punch your sister,” she said to the little boy of two. When he tried to get away she said again: “Punch your sister, you little faggot.”

So the little boy picked up a hairbrush and smacked his sister in the mouth. The little girl was three.

The judge gave the woman (whose name I cannot write as it makes me want to throw up) 12 months’ suspended sentence.

I also can’t write what I’d like to do to her, as I’d never be allowed to write for the ECHO again.

I suggest that next time, before passing sentence, the judge speaks to Kidscape, who said: “Parents will be appalled at this weak punishment. The kind of violence people were inflicting on these toddlers, it was like training pitbulls to fight each other.”

Or the judge should speak to the NSPCC who said: “Such cruel behaviour can seriously harm the emotional and physical development of a child.”

If you ask me, the judge needs help as well.

What would have happened to the children if their brave father had not found this video? It doesn’t bear thinking about.

For the woman, and I use that term very, very loosely, to treat a child like this should be banned from ever going near children again. She’s a wicked, wicked woman and should have compulsory sterilisation.

Day I met ‘Betty’ Bacall

YOU can’t punch Lauren Bacall. She’s one of the last Hollywood icons, who was married to Humphrey Bogart.

So my face must have been a picture watching her get mugged in The Sopranos.

“Call me Betty,” she said to Ben Kingsley, also appearing in the episode.

I was allowed to call her Betty once. What a day that was.

Let me go back first to March 1970 and Applause the musical in London.

She was starring and it was based on the film All About Eve with Bette Davis. It had that famous line: “Hang on to your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.”

Ms Bacall won a Tony award for best actress. I went to see it with some friends in London. She and the show got a 15-minute standing ovation. It was spectacular.

I waited at the stage door to try and get my album signed, but it never happened.

Recently, I was privileged to appear on the Paul O’Grady show with Philip Olivier and - to my delight - Lauren Bacall. I was so pleased and so excited.

“I will take my album and finally get it signed,” I thought.

When I turned up with the album all those years later, she was overjoyed. I could still remember how brilliant she was in it.

So she signed it and said to me: “Call me Betty.”

I was telling this story to my young producer, Jay Hind. I think there’s 36 years between us. He said: “Who is she?”

I said “What? Go and look her up on the internet.”

He came back. “Wow, he said. She’s a big star. I remember her in ’Allo ’Allo!”