The Internet Screams

Blogging used to be simple. I would write. People would read my posts. Somehow out of 55 to 60 million plus blogs, my blog was ranked 2,540. Its "worst" ranking was 8,000something. Blows my mind, too.

A lot has happened since 2007 when I learned that I have nonverbal learning disorder (NLD). If you look through the categories in the original Courting Destiny you will see that I had figured out what my problems were before I found a "label."

Finding a label or name enabled me to meet many people with NLD. I will always be grateful to Facebook for that. I enjoy blogging, itself, and I enjoy Facebook.

Everything else is noise to me.

I understand why bloggers are supposed to become one with Facebook, Pinterest, Linkedin, Instagram, Periscope, Twitter, and I'm sure I'm leaving out some essential groups.

I'm not a technical person. I can't even figure out how to pin my posts on Pinterest. I can't do many things. This is not an excuse though I'm sure many of you think it is.

The above named "apps" overwhelm me. They make me hate blogging. They make me want to give up.

They can make suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. Really. Bad panic attacks that can mimic heart attacks. I have seen doctors when I have had them.

My heart (kinehora) is in excellent condition. But I've reached an age where I have to take the panic attacks seriously.

There are many times I want to cry because people with less talent than I have get great book contracts, speaking engagements and much more simply because they love or at least can navigate the Internet.

They thought of a catchy name for their blog that equisitely expresses their brand. They have a brand and a niche, and thus limit their blogging to subjects that fit that brand and niche. Thus they can monetize. I like and need money too.

They never have a down moment! Unless they're blogging about their special needs children. (I'm sure everbody has down moments. Though I hope they're not like mine.)

They can plug themselves, and it doesn't feel "braggy."

I no longer want to throw up when I plug myself. That's a good thing.

Unfortunately I can't take part in any group blogging as it all seems to involve Twitter, or something I can't use.

Should I unplug and just write?

If I do that how will people know I'm still writing?

I don't want to be a failure at something I love because I find the internet too noisy, and can't do so many tech things.

As I prefer in person socializing or at least texting or phone calls, I prefer selling myself through my writing (blogging,) and actually speaking to people.

"Oh you would be perfect for vlogging."

Ya think?

First I would have to figure how to do it.

Then I would have to download, upload, and by the end I would think of ending all social media ties as I wouldn't be able to do anything.

No, again that's not an excuse. I'm a person who spends way too much time trying to master simple things, and ends up completely frustrated. It's a good thing I have thick hair because I long ago learned how to split ends.

Many of my friends have tried to help me. Sometimes I'm surprised they still speak to me.

Some don't; it's impossible for them to understand that somebody as smart as I am......

Even this blog, which I really began so that my friends and family could understand, hasn't taught them the depths of things I'm incapable of doing.

I can be found at the corner of despair and joy improving my one and a half crafts: blogging and writing.

I might be ferklempt and frustrated, but nobody can say I don't try. Except those who do because they can't believe I can't pin my own post, or take part in a Twitterbash. Or.....