i know a lot of you mamas are into alternative styles of parenting...have you ladies read books on alternative parenting styles? or did you just parent how you felt was natural?

i personally read a few books on parenting styles only because i was deathly afraid of parenting like my mother does...

my favorite parenting book i've read so far is called "What Do You Really Want For Your Children?" by Dr. Wayne Dyer...Wayne Dyer is the most peaceful man...i have read several of his books and feel his peacefulness as i read...i figured i'd check and see if he had a parenting book and sure enough he did...i read it and was blown away...it made me figure out things about myself that i didn't realize could end up being problems for my child...it also helped me figure out what things a lot of parents commonly do and how they affect their children in negative ways...he also shows the positive outcomes of EASY things you can do as a parent...Wayne Dyer has 6 or maybe 7 children so he's not just some guy acting like an "expert" on parenting...he's a sincere man and loves helping people...

the chapter titles include: I want my children to value themselves. I want my children to be risk-takers. I want my children to be self-reliant. I want my children to be free from stress and anxiety. I want my children to celebrate their Present moments. I want my children to experience a lifetime of wellness. I want my children to be creative. I want my children to fulfill their higher needs and to feel a sense of purpose.

Wayne Dyer goes into great detail about all of these subjects...

anyway, i just want to know what parenting books you mamas love and why you love them?

it had the principals and what to practice and medicate on. which helped alot in having the kind of consiousness

Becky Baileys' conscious discipline also

you see, I've been studying parenting books for over 20 years, I was in high school 25 years ago when I read Gordon's PET, (Parent Effectiveness Training) this was an awesome book and opened my eyes how relationships could be, with kids, adults anybody. and NVC is similar, but even better in that it includes underlying needs/desires that need connection with. I think both Marshall Rosenberg and Gordon had Carl Rogers as a teacher. (but I didn't learn about NVC until 7 years ago)

anyway, back in my late teens and early 20s I was reading all these relationship books:

The conflict to caring series: Do I have to give up me to be loved by you and If you really loved me.

and parenting book: siblings without rivary. and I also read another called Parenting without hitting, yelling or threatening.

yet even though I was reading and studying and had the philosophy and knew what to do when I was feeling great, when I needed it the most I would fall into the hole of the parenting I grew up with.

I would find that sometimes I would just react and revert (still find that I do that, but now I know why and can quicker get out of it, and be better at being proactive to prevent it) but I didn't understand stand what my problem was until Becky Bailey's Conscious Discipline books and CDs Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline. For she stressed soothing the hurt person (also victim first) I found NVC was very helpful to sooth because it gave tools at what was needed and to voice it provided so much relief. So I had videos and tapes of Marshall Rosenberg stuff at the same time. And Naomi Aldort (because it was her ideals I wanted to follow, just needed Rosenberg and Bailey to do them.

I have more to say, and more books to share, and I will edit typos when I get a chance, django is teething and very active and moody so I'm going as fast as I can.

I loved the idea that the book Parenting with Dignity stressed that a person has a code of ethics that they live by based on their dignity and that their dignity doesn't depend on others, so if others are rude (which is undignified) that one should let them take your own dignity away. If its ethical for you to live by a certain code than that is the goal despite what others do (LOL, he stresses this because kids, especially little one's can do things we dont like, can be out and out rude< but if we want to teach them not to be rude/agressive and mean then we hold our selves to higher standards than we hold them other wise we teach them aggression)

All of these books are about seeing the best in others especially our children. this encourages them and helps them see the best in them self and choose to be the best but also forgiving of themselves for their learning process. (and we forgive ourselves as we learn too, so that we can parent better, for the better one feels about ones self the less stress one has and the easier it is to parent, but beating oneself up tends to trigger more of what one doesn't want)

Most of these books also explain the Law of attraction in that what you focus on is what you get. and focusing on things you don't like tends to bring you more, so getting focused on positive things and ways to redirect your self and your children to meeting what you really want and desire is so helpful.

I think the early parenting books didn't focus enough on this concept so when I was stressed or upset, I didn't realize I was focused on things that I didn't want. nor did I know how to shift my focus on what I wanted. So I was compelled to be how i didn't want to be and get upset about that and get more and more compelled, viciious circle. LOL

I really like Touchpoints by T. Berry Brazelton. I used to have a fantastic book by Penelope Leach (she taught me that fruit and not vegetables can be ok), but I lent it to someone and never saw it again.

I just joined and this is my first post to this group so first let me say "HI!" to you all! I'll try to remember to post an intro in a few, but I wanted to answer this before I got sidetracked.

I've read LOTS of parenting books. I'm an avid reader and am often reading a dozen books or so at any given time, so when I get passionate about something I tend to read anything and everything I can find. But if I had to pick just one parenting book to have around as a reference, I'd choose Naomi Aldort's Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves. It's my absolute favorite and I have read it and re-read it many times over. (I actually keep it by my bed to read when the kids and I have had a "bad" day.) The book is based on trusting our children and releasing the fears that keep us from loving (and parenting) our children unconditionally. I have used her SALVE technique many, many times with great success. (If only I could be in the moment enough to use it all the time!) If you want to know more about SALVE, here is a video of her discussing it:

If you asked me this same question at other times in my life, however, I would have given you totally different answers because my needs as a parent and my children's needs have changed over time. Or, atleast I have *perceived* them as changing. Perhaps our NEEDS haven't really changed at all, and I/we just needed to change the tools we were using to try to understand and meet those needs. But I digress... Here are some of my other favorite parenting books: Dr. Wayne Dyer's What Do You REALLY Want for Your Children, Becky A. Bailey's Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline, Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish's How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk and Liberated Parents/Liberated Children, Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles and Raising Your Spirited Child, Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting, Lawrence Cohen's Playful Parenting, and Ross Campbell's How to Really Love Your Children. I'm sure there were others, but those are the ones I can see from where I'm sitting. lol All of them are really good books with parts that have helped me at different periods in my life. Some of them are still favorites. Others I just remember fondly even though I don't subscribe to their ideas anymore. They helped me at one time and I keep passing their titles on because they may help another family who is in a similar situation.

girl you sound like me!! (I read all these books too, except the latest Naomi Aldort one, I have her cassettes "trusting ourselves/trusting our children, and have used her as a parenting coach.)

I also need to add: Your competent child by Jesper Jules. I loved how he made a point that if you are not respectful in the childs mind to how you approach the child, a child with self esteem will resist you otherwise it would be as if the child agrees with the assessment that its okay to treat he/she disrespectfully. Often times there is underlying coercion that is disrespectful even if we parents are not aware of it and if we are open to the idea that there is a better way a way to honor our children without giving up or disrespecting ourselves then we will find it.

Anyway, Parenting is one of my favorite topics (as is other topics related to all relationships in my life, from the relationship with my unborn child, all the way at any age, basically all those friends and family in my life, and new friends and family too)

Quoting jessradtke:

I just joined and this is my first post to this group so first let me say "HI!" to you all! I'll try to remember to post an intro in a few, but I wanted to answer this before I got sidetracked.

I've read LOTS of parenting books. I'm an avid reader and am often reading a dozen books or so at any given time, so when I get passionate about something I tend to read anything and everything I can find. But if I had to pick just one parenting book to have around as a reference, I'd choose Naomi Aldort's Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves. It's my absolute favorite and I have read it and re-read it many times over. (I actually keep it by my bed to read when the kids and I have had a "bad" day.) The book is based on trusting our children and releasing the fears that keep us from loving (and parenting) our children unconditionally. I have used her SALVE technique many, many times with great success. (If only I could be in the moment enough to use it all the time!) If you want to know more about SALVE, here is a video of her discussing it:

If you asked me this same question at other times in my life, however, I would have given you totally different answers because my needs as a parent and my children's needs have changed over time. Or, atleast I have *perceived* them as changing. Perhaps our NEEDS haven't really changed at all, and I/we just needed to change the tools we were using to try to understand and meet those needs. But I digress... Here are some of my other favorite parenting books: Dr. Wayne Dyer's What Do You REALLY Want for Your Children, Becky A. Bailey's Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline, Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish's How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk and Liberated Parents/Liberated Children, Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles and Raising Your Spirited Child, Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting, Lawrence Cohen's Playful Parenting, and Ross Campbell's How to Really Love Your Children. I'm sure there were others, but those are the ones I can see from where I'm sitting. lol All of them are really good books with parts that have helped me at different periods in my life. Some of them are still favorites. Others I just remember fondly even though I don't subscribe to their ideas anymore. They helped me at one time and I keep passing their titles on because they may help another family who is in a similar situation.

You know, I have NO IDEA what book it was that brought together my beliefs--I read it while I was TTC Lilly, which was several years ago (she took 18 months to conceive and I read it early on in the journey or right before we started trying, can't remember which). It introduced me to the idea of babywearing, confirmed that my belief that children should never be hit, no matter what you call it, was in fact, proven repeatedly in studies, confirmed that cosleeping was safe and told me that I was right to want to avoid formula (although it only focused on the benefits of breastfeeding, I had no idea about the dangers of formula outside of my own observations). I wish I could remember what it was called. I got it on a whim from the library when I was all excited that I was finally going to get to satisfy my lifelong baby bug.

I find most parenting books ponderous, boring and too much like the author is trying to spend so much time backing themselves up that they don't bother trying to be interesting or engaging. However, a few have actually been enjoyable to read.

The Happiest Baby on the Block was my favorite for newborns and I really liked the Happiest Toddler on the Block, too. And that book whose name I can't remember, lol. I've read a few others whose titles I can't remember that I pulled off library shelves. I find that a really good way to find books, actually.

As for books I didn't like and would never recommend:

I despised Punished by Rewards--the manipulative language put me off so much that I couldn't read it. I put it back fast, it made me angry that the author wrote like he assumed he was preaching to the choir and was so arrogant about it. Same with what I tried to read of Unconditional Parenting. I despised it as much as what I read from On Becoming Babywise. Seriously.

Books I'm planning to read:

Well, just one right now: Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen. I've really liked the bits I've read of it so far and seeing it in action has been really encouraging.