Friday, March 27, 2015

In a complete reversal of an explosive claim made just a few days ago, a local Canoga Park teen has retracted his original account of finding a body part in a cup of ice cream.

Radek Murta, 19, of Blythe Street, originally claimed that he had been eating some “Cookie Monster” ice cream when he made a ghastly discovery.

“F_ckeen, I’m, you know, all eating my ice cream an’ sh_t,” the Quilt reported him as saying at the time, “and I find a f_ckeen googly eye in it. That’s not cool, yo. F_ckeen googly eye an’ sh_t.”

Photo: RadekMurta69 / Twitter.

But his initial horror was replaced with a demand for justice as he swiftly filed a lawsuit against the sellers of the ice cream, local business leader Roscoe Olde-Fashioned Soda Fountain & Apothecary. “F_ckeen googly eye, bitches! I’m gonna be rich!” he announced on Thursday at a press conference at the law offices of his attorney Lou Steinmart of Steinmart, Marshall & Korvette.

The apothecary/ice creamery/lunch countery, a beloved Canoga Park institution for the past five decades, responded by issuing a statement reading in part that “...we strongly question the validity of the claim, as well as the mindset of anyone filing litigation based on the absurd presumption that our Cookie Monster ice cream is actually made by or, God forbid, from Cookie Monster."The ice cream parlor vehemently insisted that their frozen product is made with only the highest quality, all-natural ingredients, and further demanded to inspect the evidence — which, according to Murta and his lawyer, had gone missing, casting widespread doubt on the googly eye claim. By Friday morning, the complainant recanted the entire story.

Attorney Lou Steinmart remains tight-lipped about his client’s sudden retraction other than to say, “We discussed the issue at length and came to the conclusion that there had been a misunderstanding, Mr. Murta has withdrawn his suit; he would like to put the entire matter behind him, and, as I understand it, is back at home, in his backyard, playing ping-pong.”