Thursday, November 17, 2011

What is too young?

One of the fears of being a parent is knowing that one day your child will hit puberty. At that time the body changes and wants to do it's own thing in which certain feelings and desires come about. Then we as parents begin to wonder when we need to have that "talk" with our child(ren). At what age should you begin talking to a child about sex?

If you're one to read/follow my blogs you know that I have two children, a son and daughter. My son is 13 (he will be the big 14 on Christmas Eve....time is surely flying by....ok ok, back to the blog) and my daughter just turned 12 (you would think that she is 30). As they were growing up I kept thinking...when should I sit them down to have the talk. I remember taking my children to the doctor when they were around 4 or 5 and the doctor asked them about good touch/bad touch. At that moment I realized that this talk is going to happen in phases. Children need to know at an early age what is appropriate and what's inappropriate. Every now and then I would ask my children about good/bad touch, just to make sure that they understood. When they hit elementary school other factors came into play. I had to think about what they were exposed to. On one particular day, my daughter came home and told me that two children were kissing and talking about sex on the playground (she was in the first grade at this time). I was thinking "WHAT...where in the blank blank did these kids get this from". Instead of reacting hysterically, I asked my daughter "what do you think about what you saw". She told me that it was nasty and that kids shouldn't be doing those types of things. I then asked her why. She responded by telling me that it's not right. It was then that I began to share a little more with her. I then asked my son about the kids his age and what are some of the things that he is seeing. Oh by the way, he was in third grade at the time. He informed me that his friends were talking about sex. I asked him how did he feel about it. He told me the typical child answer. "it's nasty and it's not right". Of course I asked why is it nasty and not right. He began to tell me that having sex when you're not married isn't right and God wants you to wait. I was stunned by his answer yet pleased coming from a 9 year old. At that time, I began to share a little more.

Once my children hit the double digits, I realized that the time is going to come for me to go more in depth. I started to think back on when I had my first kiss...etc. I realized that I really need to make it a point to make sure that they understand the implications and complications when it comes to sex. As each year passes I began to share more with my children.

It's all a matter of maturity. As their bodies develop and change, they need to understand what it going on and why. You know the maturity level of your child(ren). At 12 and 13 my children know about sex and everything that can and could come along with it; mentally, physically, and spiritually. Society is playing a major part in our children's lives when it comes to sex. This is not a one time conversation that you have with a pre-teen. Start early with just touch and continue to talk to your child(ren) as they mature.