Suprise outcome of US Stress Tests as Citigroup shown to have far too much money

A pleasant surprise hit Citibank today as the bank which had been considered in "a shocking amount of trouble" was said to have far too much capital.

The US stress tests were designed to identify which American banks have too little capital to weather various degrees of economic hardships over the next 2 to 3 years.

However following some recent surprise capital injections the Citigroup banking giant has been deemed to have far too much money for its own good.

The April shock discovery by CEO Vikram Pandeet of the long lost secret of Alchemy has been a large part of the capital growth in the bank so far in Q2.

Since his discovery of the secret art, Pandeet has been busy locked away in the Citibank vaults converting lead into solid gold. Not only has he made enough to absolve the bank of any "toxic assets" the bank bought Microsoft in early May as part of a new "diversification" plan.

Furthermore, the project led by the bank's Chief Financial Officer and famed adventurer Gary Crittenden, to locate "King Solomon's Goldmines" saw a further notable injection of capital.

Make Collins_and_Dutton's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

GERMANY - Leading luxury car manufacturers from Germany today announced they have formed a joint venture for the development of self-driving vehicles for the U.S. market.
The Autonomous Hands-Off Luxury Engineering (A-HOLE) Group promises an ult...

BILLINGSGATE POST: With Washington State legalizing the possession and growing of pot, aircraft manufacturer Gunwing announced that workers in their assembly facility in Everett, Washington would be allowed to smoke pot on their breaks. Although th...

A new vaping company has come on the market that provides its users with atomic-borne, fracking-waste emissions instead of the water vapor used by traditional vaping horns.
Vape Rape LLC, headquartered outside Wheeling, W.Va. on a rezoned piece o...

International Business Machinations (IBM) denied reports that it plans to lay off 100,000 of its employees after losses for each of the last 11 successive quarters.
"We're in the money," CEO Ginni Romney (no relation, as far as can be determined,...

New York, After joining a dating site a month ago, Taylor Swift, got tired of not finding the right person and decided to take matters into her own hands by creating a new dating site.
"I felt like I was in a black space so I called my new dating...

Bentonville, AR-In a surge of holiday spirit, Walmart announced it would give employees big discounts on their food purchases so as to be able to stock up for the holidays.
Rice and beans are two of the commodities that will be discounted.
"We...

After its 2009 bankruptcy and its $50 billion government bailout, the bankruptcy absolved Universal Moters of existing personal injury claims, stripping the victims of their constitutional rights to have their day in court.
Now, it turns out UM,...