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Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Everything Is Relative

I was not going to admit this but everyone else has. . .last week I went searching the Internets for pictures of Britney Spears and her naked hoo-ha. And wow, it's naked naked! Like, good thing she lives in LA because while it gets cold there, in DC she'd totally be freezing her, um, assets. Because not only is she not wearing underwear, but she's also practically waving her crotch in the breeze. Brrrr. And yikes!

According to Citizen of the Month's Britney Spears Age Test, I fall somewhere between "Generation X" - someone who reads Us Magazine and worries about these celebs (I guiltily read Us - but only at the allergist's office!) and an "Immature Adult" - someone wondering why someone as uninteresting as Britney gets so much attention, but still willing to search the web to find the pictures.

I don't have celebrity crushes, although I do often have clothing envy. I don't have one of those lists of the five celebrities you could sleep with without getting in trouble in your relationship. I don't really care what these people get up to, but like a train wreck, when it's truly horrifying, I can't keep from looking.

For Thanksgiving we had dinner with very close family friends. I was seated at one end next to a man I've known my whole life. He's about 80, and an extremely interesting character. He's incredibly intellectual, and so when someone else turned the conversation to Jessica Simpson, I was astounded that he not only knew who she was, but had something to say.

"I will note," he said very seriously, "that she certainly seems to be aging gracefully."

"Aging gracefully?" I shrieked. "The woman is only 25 or 26!"

"Well, yes. But everything is relative. Look at her pal Britney Spears."