BDSM 101—Erotic Humiliation

Today we are going to discuss erotic humiliation, what it is, how lots of people go about it, why people like it, and what are some safety considerations you should have.

What is erotic Humiliation?

Erotic humiliation is the act of using language and actions to humiliate another person. This is done because either one or both people get off on the act of being humiliated or humiliating another individual. This is largely a psychological thrill that both parties can get, but sexual stimulation is often a part of erotic humiliation. So the act can be both verbal and physical in order to humiliate one partner.

Erotic humiliation is a distinct entity from dominance, but they seem closely related at first. For example both instances could have a submissive tied up and then stimulated to the point of orgasm. The difference is this: Dominance is a more physical activity. The point is to have control over another person. The point is to be able to make them do what you want, when you want it, and how you want it. It is first and foremost about control. Humiliation is about creating a specific emotion. It is about creating a feeling that both parties want. So you may dominate a person to get that feeling, but that domination is just an ends to the mean. The domination is a tool to humiliate a person. Making them beg for an orgasm would be the humiliation part. The fact you are causing them to have an orgasm is just an ends to a mean. So that is where the distinction lies between the two of them.

You can also desire to both be dominated and humiliated, and this is quite common. Someone may want to be humiliated and dominated at the same time.

Safety

Most people recognize the fact that words and actions can have a deep psychological effect on people. Many people do not like certain words, or phrases, or certain descriptions. So in my opinion negotiation is an essential part of erotic humiliation. There can be damage to one party if certain words are used and this can cause tension in the relationship. For example someone might want to be called a slut, a bitch, or a whore, but might not want any comments about their weight because they are extremely self-conscious. So it becomes important to negotiate that before the play actually starts. I also believe you should use a safe word. There might come a point where either party (the top or the bottom) decides the erotic humiliation is beyond their comfort zone and wants to stop. It can become psychologically hurtful and they want to stop. So I think anyone who uses this play form should negotiate and pick a safeword before undergoing it.

How do you create erotic humiliation?

Creating a humiliation scene is a highly personal activity and can take many forms. Really it is whatever is going to create that humiliated feeling. But I will discuss some ways you can go about creating it.
So you can humiliate a person two ways: physically or verbally:

Physical

Lack of body rights: You use their body how you want. This often includes spitting, ejaculating, or urinating on their body.
Forced sexual contact: You cause them to have sex with you, such as performing fellatio, analingus, or cunnilingus.
Required activities: Oftentimes a list is made that the humiliated person must follow. They are not allowed to sit on the couch, they have to have supper ready, they must please their top every night, etc.
Sexual Denial: Erotic sexual denial might take place, or the bottom might never be allowed to cum first, or they might not be allowed to cum without permission. There are restrictions placed on their sexual climax.
Objectification: The sub can be used as a foot rest, as a piece of furniture, or often referred to as an object, such as a cum hole rather than a person.

Verbal Insults: Telling them they are stupid, fat, lazy, incompetent, etc.
Animal roleplaying: Forcing an individual to take on an animal persona such as a horse or a dog.
Belittlement: Calling them names such as slave, boy, sissy, pet, property, etc.
Body focus: Telling them they have small boobs, a small penis, ugly feet, or a crooked nose.
Forced flattery: Forcing them to worship you and call you master, mistress, or goddess.
Degrading names: Such as whore, slut, or bitch.
Following commandments: Such as always listening when you are told to make supper, sit, spread your legs, etc.
Restrictions: Being made to ask to use the bathroom, to cum, what you are allowed to wear, etc.
Slurs: Any racial or ethnic slur can be used. People tend to think of this as edgeplay and some people disagree with it completely.

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So you can see there are a huge number of things that exist to humiliate a person. There are also a lot more and many personal things that will be individualized between you and your partner. Also lots of them overlap. Some things are both verbal and physical and cannot be removed. Really that is not important. What is important is the feeling of humiliation is created.

One of the reasons people like erotic humiliation is because you do not physically need to be in the same room. Oftentimes this can heighten the feelings of sexual arousal, but being able to erotically humiliate a person online is a large appeal to certain people. You can force a person to text you to ask things. You can force a person to do things and never be there. And oftentimes both people will get off on that. So this is also a large appeal of erotic humiliation.

As always if you have any questions feel free to ask them in the comments.

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I am a 21 year old male currently in a relationship. I am very sexually open. I like BDSM, anal play, and really all things sexual. I am always looking at trying new things in the bedroom. I like to make some of my own toys, but I love to shop for them as well.