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Cyber Monday 2015: Should I Buy… Kwik-E-Mart Central Office?

Following the most recognized sale/shopping day of the entire year, Black Friday, a tradition that isn’t as old and popular as its predecessor but gains speed every year, Cyber Monday is upon us. While EA’s attention to Cyber Monday doesn’t even compare to the massive Black Friday frenzy we’ve just seen, they at least have not only something to offer, but something NEW to tempt our tattered, beat up pockets.

Along with the sale of 8 previously released items scheduled for today, players will be given a special offer of a brand-spanking new building, Kwik-E-Mart Central Office. It is available for 2 days only so without any delay let’s get cracking and hopefully help you decide to take the deal or pass on it. Follow me.

History/Origins

The world’s “first convenience store”, otherwise known as the Kwik-E-Mart Head Office is the corporate headquarters for the Squishee spewing, price-gouging goliath known worldwide as, you know it,the Kwik-E-Mart. This mountaintop home base touches the heavens in India, Apu’s native homeland, and sits eerily alone atop the Himalayas.

Our first and only introduction to the Kwik-E-Mart HQ comes by way of yet another classic episode titled, “Homer and Apu” which aired way back on February 10, 1994, a little over 21 years ago. (Just in case some of you didn’t already feel old enough). This airing was the 13th episode of Season 5.

Chalkboard Gag:

“I will not go near the Kindergarten turtle.”

Episode Synopsis:

Homer falls ill with food poisoning after buying what he thought was a good “cheap meat” find at the Kwik-E-Mart. In actuality it was expired ham that Apu deceptively passed off after he crossed out the expiration date with a marker.

Once feeling better, Homer goes to the Kwik-E-Mart to confront Apu about his dirty tactics only to be “gifted” with shrimp that is of the same “quality” as the ham that initially got him hospitalized in the first place.

With a hunger bigger than his brain Homer eats the bad shrimp and, you guessed it, falls ill a second time.

Not to be out-meated a 3rd time, after getting well, again, Homer steps up and takes action against Apu by using local undercover reporter Kent Brockman to expose Apu.

Under the direction of Brockman, Homer wears a totally inconspicuous and not obvious hidden camera and exposes Apu for his dirty business tactics.

As a result of the undercover operation Apu loses his beloved job at the Kwik-E-Mart. For most normal people, the common reaction to this would be murderous anger, however, following his Hindi faith, he appears on Homer’s doorstep and commits servitude to the Simpsons to achieve “karmic holiness.”

While Apu very generously serves as the Simpson’s caretaker, the Kwik-E-Mart big-wigs waste no time in finding his replacement. Enter legendary actor and episode guest star James Woods, who portrays himself as the newest clerk at the Kwik-E-Mart as he is currently “in training” as he gathers research for a role in his next movie.

Apu soon discovers that he is “homesick” from his beloved Kwik-E-Mart and with Homer as his guide, travels to the motherland, India. The Kwik-E-Mart head offices are in India and Apu makes the journey to formerly appeal his firing.

The HQ of the KM just happens to be located at the top of the Himalayas as it nearly touches the heavens.

The “irreverent, enlightened president and CEO and in Ohio, Stop-A-Mart” is who Apu and Homer meet upon finishing their exhausting trip to the Kwik-E-Mart head office. It is he with whom Apu must file his appeal with.

In true Homer fashion, Apu’s only chance of an appeal gets ruined when Homer bungles the 3 questions that the CEO allowed and are forced to leave as fast as they had arrived with Apu still very much unemployed.

And finally we see a true, human reaction from Apu as he can longer stem his anger and hatred for Homer.

With a unmatched bravery Apu vows to return to the Kwik-E-Mart to face his demon who, in this case, is actor-in-training James Woods. As Apu tells his new found fan war stories of the Kwik-E-Mart a robber storms in a holds up the store.

In a true act of bravery and selflessness, Apu “saves” James Wood jumping in front of him and getting shot by a bullet meant for the actor.

As a token of his appreciation James tells Apu that he has gotten his job at the Kwik-E-Mart back.

Animation Example Image(Single image of the “in-use” animation when active):

Character(s) Unlocked:

Accompanying Quest:

Rocky Mountain Why (Parts 1-3)

Permanent Job(s) Unlocked:

Upon completion of Rocky Mountain Why the following characters will receive a new, permanent, premium task as part of their existing task list so long as the Kwik-E-Mart Central Office is placed in your Springfield:

Apu – “Work At The Central Office” – 12 hours / 600 / 150

Ned Flanders – “Go Mountaineering” – 8 hours / 420 / 105

Hank Scorpio – “Scout A New Mountain Lair” – 8 hours / 420 / 105

Temporary / “1- Use” Task(s):

The following tasks are used once for the purposes of completing the main quest and then are deactivated:

Apu – “Apply For A Promotion” – 2 hours

Apu – “Manage Complaints Department” – 1 hour

Apu – “Hike Up A Mountain To Complain” – 1 hour

Video by kclovesgaming:

Images:

Cyber-Monday Offer Indicator (Appears over Gil when the offer for this item activates)

Store Menu Image

Store Panel Image

Gil Deal Image

Summary

To begin, I cannot figure out why someone involved in the game’s development somewhere felt it necessary to name this building the Kwik-E-Mart Central Office when it was clearly referred to as the Kwik-E-Mart Head Offices in the episode of which it comes to us from. It’s not any issue to affect the purchase or even the decision to not purchase this item, it is just yet another weird “thing” that on the surface seems pointless. Anyhow, I have given you every detail, every aspect that I could possibly find on this new offer, how you choose to use this resource is totally your call. To give you a little more of an edge I have found some pro’s and con’s that may or may not make the difference in your decision.

Pro’s

Generates a decent income. And it should at least since this building represents the Simpsons world’s most successful and profitable convenience store chain. It is only right that this mountain-top giant produce a significant income for those who buy it.

Unlocks multiple permanent and premium tasks. One building unlocking 3 permanent tasks for 3 different characters is a feat rarely ever seen in Tapped Out. Add to that the fact that Hank Scorpio finally receives some “new task love” and it almost is enough of a reason alone to buy this building. I don’t know about you but after almost 4 years of the same tasks for so many characters over and over after spending kazillions of donuts, I almost feel like a kid at Christmas when even the smallest addition comes to any of of them.

Item comes directly from the series. For all of you “non-canon” haters out there any item that comes to us directly from a regular episode is a major plus. Some players absolutely will not purchase any item that has no roots in the The Simpsons history of episodes. While it does not reside in Springfield it is straight from the series.

Decent Animation. To me, there’s nothing more aggravating than to shell out a fair amount of donuts on a building only to find that it is a dud with no visual appeal, movement, character involvement, etc. This item’s’ constant floating clouds at least make me smirk when I blow by it tapping feverishly to collect all of income.

Con’s

Item is massive. While some of you may think it crazy to list an item’s large size as a con, hear me out. For one, there are millions of long-term players such as myself that have been daily players for close to 4 years straight, have obtained every single item ever released or damn close to it and are simply running out of room to put anything, even with the multiple land expansions we received in 2015. Plus the pesky “Too Many Items” warning we receive regularly have shown us that EA has no realistic idea of how many of their players want to and should have the ability to decorate their towns with as much or as little content as they please. And taking another approach to the size aspect, anywhere you place this it is going to block something in yourr town, guaranteed. DO you want to shell out 145 donuts to completely overshadow any number of your existing items?

Cannot be sold. This one is funny to me but I list it every time because of the feedback we receive from all of you. Some of you absolutely hate when items are offered but cannot be sold. To slightly counter that point, I personally do not buy any item in this game with the intention of potentially selling it later, especially since donuts to do sell for donuts. But a con is a con.

No contribution to the Conform-O-Meter. I am hesitant in listing this as we have had a number of items introduced that at first contributed nothing at all to the Conform-O-Meter but had it added with a later update so there’s no telling as of now if this building will see the same fate. So as it is, this is a big down point. Contributions to the Meter is what brings the “city-builder” aspect to this game. To have a building sit and add no bonus to the overall functionality of your town is kind of against the system altogether. It’s almost sacrilegious. Hopefully this will be changed with a future update.

In my personal opinion, the Kwik-E-Mart Central Office brings to the game what all premium buildings should: hefty income, visual appeal, premium task additions and roots to the series. I don’t necessarily refuse to buy items that have never seen an animation panel in FOX Studios but I am significantly more content having bought an item that comes from one of my many favorite episodes that I grew up watching. It feels as if I have my very own piece of the show and history of The Simpsons. Aside from the lack of new character addition that this building lacks, it makes up for in new tasks for more than one existing character that some of us long felt ripped off over. As is always my ultimate advice: if you have the donuts to spare, go for it. If not then that’s also okay. The beauty of Tapped Out is that there is no wrong way to play, no wrong choice in the success of your personal town. And after seeing many updates over the past year or so, the chances that this item comes around for a second time is actually fairly high compared to the early days of this game. Passing now does not necessarily mean passing forever.