There’s really no need to read this piece. Your life will be no better for having read what’s below. Your life might actually get worse. You should probably stop right now.

(Last chance.)

So the Caps have freed some players over the last few years, and it feels like all of them have turned into beautiful hockey butterflies. The team had good reasons to trade or release some guys; others… not so much. In this still very young season, those hockey butterflies are playing so good it’s like they’re trying to make you jealous. Well, it’s not going to work, hockey butterflies.

Okay, yeah, it is.

I’m gonna take a peek around the league, in a totally non-Facebook-stalker-y way, just to see how certain ex-Caps forwards are doing in their new homes. Pretty freaking well, it turns out. Starting with prospect-bust-turned-Calder-standout Filip Forsberg, lemme run down who has moved on and how they’re doing.

Below is a Vollman player usage chart, packaged by War On Ice. It shows how players perform in possession by shading their circles (red is bad, blue is good) in comparison to how they’re deployed based on zone starts and competition. Players at the top left, for example, see the toughest competition and the most defensive zone starts and are more likely to have negative possession.

A quick rundown of the stats I’m using here:

G: goals scored during all game situations.

A: assists during all game situations.

TOI/G: Average time on ice, all game situations.

Goal%: Percentage of total goals that belong to the player’s team during 5v5. Above 50 is good.

SA%: Percentage of shot attempts that belong to the player’s team during 5v5. Also known as Fenwick For. Above 50 is good.

PDO: The sum of on-ice shooting and on-ice saving percentages while the player is on the ice during 5v5. Above 100 means the player is getting favorable outcomes.

Zone Starts: Percentage of total shifts that the player started in the offensive zone during 5v5, not counting neutral-zone shifts.

Competition: The average percentage of 5v5 ice time of opponents faced by the player. The higher the number, the tougher the competition.

Filip Forsberg, Nashville Predators

Eighteen months after the Caps traded him away, Forsberg has become Nashville’s emerging star. With James Neal and Mike Ribeiro at his side, Forsberg has outscored opponents a staggering 19 to 2 during 5v5. While he’s getting pretty nice zone starts (58.7 percent of them in the offensive zone), Forsberg is also facing the opponent’s top competition (judging by them getting 29.22 percent of the opponent’s ice time).

Matt Hendricks, Edmonton Oilers

G

A

TOI/G

Goal%

SA%

PDO

Zone Starts

Competition

Salary

2

2

13:04

23.08

46.13

91.80

11.92

27.25

$1.85M

Oh, this is different.

Grinding for the Oilers, Matt “The Wheel” Hendricks is getting buried in the defensive zone, where he’s started 133 of his 197 shifts that began with a faceoff. That is an extreme deployment– bottom five in the league, next to his linemate and also former Cap Boyd Gordon.

Before you feel too bad for Hendricks, let’s acknowledge that this is his job. Dallas Eakins is using his Caps castoffs to absorb the garbage shifts, freeing up the Oilers’ precious little offensive talent to do damage in the O-zone.

Goalies behind Marty are saving just 85.06 percent of shots, which you’d think would be the lowest number in this list, but hold on.

Erat is a solid, somewhat overpaid, and thoroughly un-stunning player. That’s not a bad way to be, but poor Marty doesn’t have much recourse when PDO paints him as a bum. At least his individual achievements, 4 goals and 3 assists, have been badly needed in Glendale.

He’s in the middle of the lineup, so he’s not facing the toughest competition, but Perreault is sporting the best relative possession on the team (they own 8.33 percent more shot attempts when Matty isn’t on the bench).

The points aren’t really there for Perreault yet, but they will come as soon as his team improves its miserably 2.75 shooting percentage when he’s on the ice.

There aren’t many players as criminally underrated as Mathieu Perreault (I’m at fault for underrating him as well). He’s a superb, tiny depth forward who is finally getting the salary he deserves in the ‘Peg, though the Caps sure could have used his strength down the middle last season.

Alex Semin, Carolina Hurricanes

G

A

TOI/G

Goal%

SA%

PDO

Zone Starts

Competition

Salary

0

5

17:03

40.00

55.95

92.62

66.36

29.26

$7.00M

Oh, sweet baby.

Something is wrong with Sasha. He used to average about 15 shot attempts per 60 minutes of 5v5, putting him in the 93rd percentile in individual shot output. That number has dropped 6.89 this season, which would be about the 18th percentile.

Semin is getting just 83.1 percent goaltending, the worst in this list, but that’s probably not comforting for Semin or his boosters. If the writing on the wall and the word on the street are to believed, Semin may not be long for Carolina.

There would be a lot of teams eager to snatch him up. For some reason, I don’t think Washington would be among them.

Mikhail Grabovski, New York Islanders

G

A

TOI/G

Goal%

SA%

PDO

Zone Starts

Competition

Salary

3

4

13:43

72.73

59

106

47.25

28.86

$5.00M

Grabo joined his buddy Nikolai Kulemin on Long Island this summer, breaking the heart of at least one Capitals writer. Since they arrived in Brooklyn, Grabovski hasn’t skated next to Kulemin as much as some expected, spending just one fifth of his 5v5 time with Kulemin.

But Grabo has done exactly what we’d expect him to do— keep the puck in the offensive zone and out of his net. He’s getting really good percentages in shooting and saving, but don’t let that undermine the way Grabo is driving play. He hardly ever shares the ice with John Tavares, but Grabovski has given New York a secondary threat. That’s a not-insignificant factor in how the Isles have become arguably the league’s most improved team this season. They currently own second place in the Metro, and I have a feeling they’ll be a primary competitor for the Caps through the end of the regular season and maybe even beyond. Darn it.

Dmitry Orlovjust returned to DC today, after spending the last few weeks in New York (with Sasha Minor) rehabbing his injured wrist. Meanwhile Evgeny Kuznetsov and Stan Galiev have been in Arlington since late July.

While Semin was hanging out, Ovechkin presented him and his new wife with a belated wedding present.

All we need at this Russian Caps party is Viktor Kozlov and Sergei Fedorov and everything would literally be perfect.

]]>http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/2014/09/13/alex-ovechkin-reunites-with-alex-semin-posts-photo-hanging-out-with-all-the-russian-caps-players/feed/18Dmitry Orlov is Hanging Out With Alex Semin in New York City (Photo)http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/2014/08/14/dmitry-orlov-is-hanging-out-with-alex-semin-in-new-york-city-photo/
http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/2014/08/14/dmitry-orlov-is-hanging-out-with-alex-semin-in-new-york-city-photo/#commentsFri, 15 Aug 2014 03:12:39 +0000http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/?p=69455

Photo: @Orly_81

Washington Capitals defenseman Dmitry Orlov is up in New York City tonight with his girlfriend Varya for a special occasion. Varya is flying home to Russia tomorrow. To properly see her off, Orlov called up former Capital Alex Semin and had a double date at Cipriani’s on Broadway.

Orlov states in his photo that “we are starting to prepare for the new season.” Does that mean Orly’s planning on training together with Semin? I do not know, but that’d be pretty frigging cool. That Semin guy is pretty good at the hockey.

At least it does hint at the fact that Orlov’s arm is finally getting healthy.

Now Peaches & Herb, sing us out.

Translation by Igor Kleyner.

]]>http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/2014/08/14/dmitry-orlov-is-hanging-out-with-alex-semin-in-new-york-city-photo/feed/15Alex Semin Gets Married in Secret Wedding Ceremony Held At Some Point in Time in Russia Somewherehttp://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/2014/07/30/alex-semin-gets-married-in-secret-wedding-ceremony-held-at-some-point-in-time-in-russia-somewhere/
http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/2014/07/30/alex-semin-gets-married-in-secret-wedding-ceremony-held-at-some-point-in-time-in-russia-somewhere/#commentsWed, 30 Jul 2014 17:30:32 +0000http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/?p=69046

In true Alex Semin fashion, details about the ceremony are scant. It’s shrouded in mystery. We don’t know when it happened, where it happened, or have any photos. We just know that it happened.

Actually, check that. We have one detail. Via KP.ru and Igor Kleyner’s translation, Semin’s father said to the press, “Only relatives and close friends were invited.” He then added, “Alex Ovechkin was not at the wedding.”

I’m not sure if that means Ovechkin wasn’t invited or that he was invited but didn’t come, but no, Ovechkin was not there.

Jokes aside, congratulations to Sasha Minor. He will always be one of our favorites (please come back) and we hope he enjoys married life.

Speaking to reporters for twenty minutes on Friday, Ovechkin spoke about a wide range of fun topics. He talked about his duties as captain for Team Russia, his on- and off-again relationship with Evgeni Malkin, and if he’d ever leave for the KHL. Ovechkin also was asked about his upcoming wedding (which, c’mon, that’s inevitable) and his ideal linemates. He really misses Sasha Minor and Sergei.

There are rumors that you may follow Kovalchuk’s footsteps and leave the NHL.

Alex Ovechkin: They are speculations, first and foremost, by the journalists.

Dot the ‘i’s please. Was there a conflict with Malkin in Sochi?

AO: Everything is all right. We have a good relationship. He is going to come here and help us.

Do you interact with him during the NHL season?

AO: No. Everybody has their own schedule. But whenever Pittsburgh comes to Washington or the other way around, we get together, talk.

You were in a bad mood in Sochi. Has it changed here in Minsk?

AO: Why was the mood bad in Sochi?

You were losing; your play wasn’t coming together…

AO: You can’t compare the Olympics and Worlds. It’s a different level. Everything is different in Sbornaya now. The coaches, the game. And the mood… it was good there and here. Although there have been moments in my career when I wanted to end it. The Olympic defeat, in the playoffs, nothing was working. There was a huge psychological pressure on me. But then time goes by and you realize you need to put all the negatives aside.

Last year you were in the same situation as Malkin. Like him, you were knocked out of the playoffs and came to the Worlds in a bad mood. Can you find any words of comfort for him?

AO: Of course it’s not pleasant to lose in the Stanley Cup playoffs, but I don’t think Evgeny needs to be comforted. He wants to end the season on a victorious note. That’s why he is coming to Minsk.

As a captain, do you work with the team’s young players?

AO: It’s very important to communicate. During the game, and especially before the game. I give them advice on where to go. And they give me advice as well. Because we are a team of 25 people. When — 10 years ago — I had my Worlds debut, there were experienced veterans on that team – Yashin, Tverdovsky, even Kovalchuk had already played in a few tournaments. I paid attention to what they said. I remember how Viktor Tikhonov invited me to Sbornaya when I was 16. I entered the locker room and got nervous. I remember my first goal for Sbornaya. I scored on an empty net.

Do you get out in the city in Minsk? What do you do in free time?

AO: We are mostly sitting in our hotel rooms like little mice. No time to go to a casino. We play PlayStation; Kuzya sneaked in his console.

During the tour of Stalin Line, it appears you and Kuznetsov are of similar temperament.

AO: Yes, we interact constantly when we are in Washington. He lived at my house for a while. We also have a great relationship with Dima Orlov.

And what about Belarussian Grabovski? Is he a part of your group?

AO:Mishanya? Of course. But he is from a different sbornaya.

Are you going to the World Cup in Brazil?

AO: That’s the plan. I want to go to Brazil, watch our team and the others as well. But I don’t know if it’ll work out.

When is your wedding with Maria Kirilenko?

AO: We are getting there. There is no date yet.

Why not in exotic Brazil?

AO: Because she can’t come there, she has tournaments.

Do you agree that Russian players are treated with prejudice in North America? Pittsburgh lost in the playoffs, and they are screaming “Trade Malkin!” you scored 51 goals during the regular season, but the talk is the same: “Let’s trade Ovechkin!”

AO: Everybody– a coach, an expert, a journalist, or a fan– wishes the best for his team. That’s the reason you may hear such a call for a trade.

Is there a player you dream about playing with?

AO: [Sergei] Fedorov. I would put him at center. On the right– Sema [Alex Semin’s nickname].

This season, the NHL adopted a draft lottery system like the NBA. That means, unlike in years past, every team that does not make the playoffs has a chance to win the lottery and draft number one overall. The suspense! The television revenues. The bloggity blogs writing about this craziness. Gary, you are such a brilliant commissioner.

The Capitals had a 0.5% chance of getting the first overall pick entering the night and ended up getting dreaded pick number 13, which I guess is good unless you’re really, really superstitious. For those looking for a good omen, the last time the Capitals drafted 13th– back in 2002, they wound up with Alex Semin.

The Florida Panthers, who are awful, won the lottery and will draft first. The Sabres, who are even awfuler, will draft second. Here are the rest of the picks.

In a move that surprises absolutely no one, Alex Ovechkin, the world’s best scorer, has been named to the Russian Olympic team. The Capitals Captain is also a goodwill ambassador for the Sochi games, though he’s not sure what that means either.

Ovechkin, 28, will be making his third Olympic appearance. The 6’3”, 235-pound forward earned all-tournament honors at the 2006 Winter Olympic Games in Torino, Italy, and tallied four points (two goals, two assists) in four games at the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver, B.C. The son of a two-time women’s basketball gold medalist with the USSR, Ovechkin has represented Russia in three World Junior Championships (2003, 2004, 2005), nine World Championships (2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013) and the World Cup of Hockey (2004). In his two previous Winter Olympics appearances, Ovechkin has registered nine points (seven goals, two assists) in 12 games.

The Moscow native scored his 400th NHL goal on Dec. 20 against Carolina to become the sixth fastest player in NHL history to reach that milestone. Ovechkin has collected 43 points (31 goals, 12 assists) and 32 penalty minutes in 40 games this season. He ranks first in the NHL in goals (31), power-play goals (12) and shots (225), second in power-play points (23), tied for ninth in game-winning goals (4) and 12th in points (43). Since entering the NHL in 2005-06, Ovechkin leads all players in goals, points, power-play goals, power-play points and game-winning goals.

Tracy was granted another TV interview with Semin, and it has now hit the internet. It is just as gripping.

Below, learn how much Semin likes playing with the Staals, how awesome Pavel Bure is, and Mama Semin.

That reminds me: I’ve never shared my favorite Alex Semin moment. During Semin’s final year in Washington, I went to Kettler on the first Saturday of training camp. As Ovechkin took questions at the podium after practice, I got this weird feeling someone was staring at me so I turned to my left. Twenty feet away, my eyes met Alex Semin’s. His was sticking his head out horizontally from the Caps lockeroom door like a sideways whack-a-mole. He looked like he needed something desperately; I do not know what. He said nothing and ducked his head back into the hallway.

Thirty seconds later, Semin stuck his head out again. This time he stage-whispered the name of a Caps PR person a few times. He finally got the PR person’s attention, who walked away from the Ovechkin interview to help Semin out with whatever that was all about.

That’s the first thing that pops into my mind whenever I hear Semin’s name. He is such a singular player– and a singular personality.

The Capitals’ power play, the main factor behind Washington’s early wins, has dropped off. So, too, has their penalty kill. Still, the team is finding ways to win — barely. Though they got four points over the weekend, both games took extra time. Nevertheless, the team’s five-on-five play has been improving. Would it be enough to defeat the new old division rival Canes?

The Caps played well in the first, with Jason Chimera nearly converting early on a scrum in front to give Washington the lead. Carolina, though, struck first. After Eric Staal fed him the puck from behind the net, Hockey Bieber — that would be Jeff Skinner — took a shot from the goal line. Braden Holtby couldn’t make to the near post in time as the puck deflected in off his nether regions.

In the second, things got out of hand. Midway through the frame, lil’ Skinner was at it again with fly ball from the near circle. Less than three minutes later, the Hurricanes pushed the lead to three as Andre Sekera unleashed a blast from the point on the power play that Holtby never saw. Point number three for Skinner. Fifty-three seconds later, it got even uglier when Jiri Tlusty put a nasty backhand top shelf. Ugh.

For the final frame, enter Philip Grubauer. The Caps didn’t show much life in the third, but at least Mike Green got on board for the first time since the Obama administration with a power play marker. Nothing more. Canes thump Caps, 4-1.

I’m on limited sleep after two days at Johns Hopkins Hospital. Like Brooks Laich last season, I’m going to martyr myself for you and play anyway. This recap may not be good, but it’ll exist. If you see anything odd, just yell at Ian.

We didn’t get to say hi to our old friend Alex Semin tonight. He’s out indefinitely with a concussion. Maybe he’ll be back by the time the next time these teams square off on December 20. But Sochi’s a-coming.

You know how the Caps defense is bad? Well, that’s partly because they’ve been without baby-maker Jack Hillen, who fractured his tibial plateau back in October. We don’t know what that means either. Yesterday, Hillen updated reporters on his progress. He still in crutches after his surgery about a month in a half ago. Let’s hope he’ll be able to make before the end of the season. Barring a trade, Hillen’s the best hope to shore up the Capitals defense for the playoffs.

The Caps power play as been awful lately. Since teams have started shadowing Ovi and John Carlson took over the point position on the first unit, Washington’s man-advantage unit as been anemic, scoring just five goals in their last 36 chances. Tonight, the puck was more often going the wrong way as the team fumbled passes and failed to exit their own zone cleanly — at least through two.

In the third, however, Mike Green finally did that thing we’ve been wanting him to do. That’s right baby, Greenie scored a goal! Number 52 previously had the highest shot total of any player not to tally this year.

Because of that bigger power play role, Carlson’s ice time has crept up. This was the ninth game in a row he led the Caps in TOI. JCar also registered a team-high five shots on goal.

Braden Holtby laid an egg tonight after turning in an excellent performance on Saturday. Two of his four goals against were off weak shots. Holts has been a rock for the Caps, despite facing the third-most shots of any NHL goaltender. That workload, though, might be catching up to him. This was his 13th straight game in Washington’s net as Michal Neuvirth is out with a bum right leg. After 40, Adam Oates waved the white flag and put Philip Grubauer in net.

Jason Chimera was a boss tonight. Three near goals: two in front, one on the rush. Chimmer’s earning his extension so far. He saw significant power play time tonight and got an assist on Green’s marker.

Primo seats for Joe B and Locker.

The Caps haven’t been playing great hockey lately. They lost four in a row, before squeaking out the last two. If they want remain near the top of the Metropolitan Division, they’ve got to pick up their special teams play. This team isn’t very special five-on-five. Anyway, I don’t have any more cogent thoughts on this one. Go watch New Girl or something