Bits & Pieces: Sagas from the Land of We

Friday

It's been a while since I've regaled people with stories from the Land of We.

But since the Lawman and I just celebrated our third anniversary of wedded bliss, I thought it was only fitting to provide an update of sorts.

Since moving to the #LittleFarmOnTheLake back in March, we've been actively working on the front porch.

I say actively, because a "minor mishap" back during the weekend of March 24, caused the entire porch to come crashing down.

I can honestly say, it was not my fault - I was covering the FLW Costa Series weigh-in in northwest Arkansas at the time.

That evening, as I navigated my way home, the Lawman - bless his heart - called me to tell me about the "minor mishap" which caused the porch light to quit working.

Let's just say the porch light quit working because the entire porch roof fell off the house.

The Lawman later admitted he "skedaddled" quite fast, when instead of fixing the sagging roof issue, the new post caused enough stress to pull the aging covering off the house frame, bringing it down onto the concrete below and the front yard.

The only casualty, was my beloved rocking chair. No pets or humans were injured in the catastrophe.

Fast forward to last weekend. The Lawman and my dad finished putting tin on the new porch roof.

My dad - bless his heart - and my favorite nephew, spent many Saturdays at the farm helping the Lawman build a new - and bigger porch.

I hear some siding repairs to the front of the house, and possibly the hanging of the barn quilt made by the Lawman for our anniversary, will take place this weekend.

We did learn some valuable lessons as the porch roof was raised - such as always get knee pads when working on hot tin during an Oklahoma heat wave, and those big magnet bars retailers sell really do find the nails hidden in the grass.

Other lessons we've learned this summer include always remembering to secure the lid of any paint or lacquer cans securely.

Why is that a lesson you ask? Well, when one has a curious cat such as BatCat, one needs to treat the house as if a toddler is in residence.

We arrived home on Monday evening to a house filled with fumes - so strong, the Lawman asked me if I brought home freshly inked newsprint.

Alas, BatCat found a can of counter top fixative - the kind you use to make a waterproof space - and preceded to decorate the utility room floor in a new splatter motif.

Honestly, it was just as decorative as the "splatter paintings" I've seen people create on Pinterest.

We knew something was up, however, when BatCat proceed to be extra mellow and loving. Once we found the evidence we knew the issue.

The lacquer fumes made BatCat a wee bit stoned. In fact, I had to check a couple of times to make sure he was still breathing - he was laying that still at my feet.

I'm happy to report, as of the next morning, BatCat was back to his regular ornery self, complete with destroying the bedroom's mini-blinds, and bitting any feet that walked in his path.

The other lesson we learned, alas, taught the Lawman something valuable. Never scare me with anything in the reptile family.

As I was airing out the paint fumed house, the Lawman asked me to come outside to see what he found.

I unsuspectedly followed him around the house corner, only to see a rather GINORMOUS snake on the ground.

I immediately stopped in my tracks, screamed like a banshee, and started running away - backwards.

The next thing I know, I'm landing on my derriere, as my legs go out from under me.

I'm pretty sure people at least one section over could hear my response to the snake. After the terror subsided, I started laughing - hard enough it brought tears to my eyes.

The Lawman stood over me, absolutely flabbergasted. He didn't know what to say except, "Babe, you've never acted that way around a snake before."

Oh, did I mention it he just wanted to show me a snake SKIN - which means the culprit is somewhere slithering around my yard, waiting for me to come out to play.

For the record, my head was fine. My pride, well, it was slightly wounded in the encounter with the ground.

We all learned some valuable things to take note for the future. So if you need me, I'll be inside the #LittleFarmOnTheLake waiting until my reptilian friend finds another lawn to terrorize.

Kaylea M. Hutson-Miller is the managing editor of The Grove Sun and Delaware County Journal. Have an idea for a column or story? She can be reached at khutson@grovesun.com or 918-786-2228.

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