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(in her 40s)

Don’t Make Me Go Out

Oh my God, please don’t make me go out on a night out. Don’t make me go out out. I’m very almost 42 year of age and I’ve finally come to the conclusion, I fucking hate going out. Now, don’t get me wrong, this isn’t an anti-social piece. I love socialising. I love my friends. I love getting together with them for a gossip discussion about world politics and down bucket loads of pinot grigio enjoy a tipple or two with them, BUT going out into the outside world and rubbing shoulders with strangers just isn’t my ideal way to spend my spare time anymore.

I’ve been thinking about my favourite social appointments that I’ve had over the last year and which ones I’ve enjoyed the most. Every single one of them has involved being inside a home rather than actually being out.

1) A Halloween party- at a friend’s HOUSE

2) A 50th Birthday party- at my cousin’s HOUSE

3) A wedding anniversary party- at my aunt’s HOUSE

4) My Mum’s 70th- at my brother’s HOUSE

5) Drinks with all my Mum friends- at one of their HOUSES

6) A dinner party- at a friend’s HOUSE

7) A New Year’s Eve party- at a friend’s HOUSE

You get the idea. Love socialising. Hate being in the real world.

Advantages to socialising in homes rather than the real world:

don’t have to queue to get a drink

economically pleasing

nice and cosy. Ooh I do like cosy

much more comfortable. Call me boring, but I like a seat and a comfortable seat at that

I can actually hear what people are saying

not as much pressure to dress up. I think I’m done with dressing up. I can’t wear heels anyway and I’ve no interest in anyone else finding me sexually attractive and quite frankly, I just can’t be arsed.

you get to stay in one place the whole evening. No faffing about, walking from bar to bar and as this is the UK- usually in the rain.

don’t have to contend with being felt up at the bar. Some people might actually miss this special feature of going out out though.

free snacks

warmer. Your evening begins inside. You stay inside.

More potential to have control over what music is played.

Advantages of going out out:

I like pub quizzes. I don’t mind going out for a pub quiz. And just staying in that pub all evening. You know, a nice cosy pub with comfortable seats and an open fire and music not too loud. Like a home from home kind of pub.

And I like eating out because you know- food. However, not too often. And I prefer eating out during the day really to be honest. A boozy lunch. I’m up for that.

Going out in the evening is good if you like going out in the evening. I don’t.

Now please understand, when I have gone out out with friends, I’ve had plenty of excellent nights. It’s just that as I get older and let’s be completely honest here more boring and much, much more lazy, I like these nights out to be few and far between. Unless you’re inviting me to your gaff for a knees up, then I’d be there in a shot. In all seriousness, I really struggle to hear what’s being said when I go out out, so increasingly it’s just not that much fun for me. The best nights I’ve had out out in recent years have been nights out with just one other person and that’s probably because everything they say is directed towards me at close proximity i.e. I get to hear most of what they say. However, hearing problems aside, I do also feel like I’m a lazy arse when it comes to going out out, so I still don’t think I could be bothered to go to the effort of going out even if I could hear perfectly.

In conclusion, going out is shit and I’m surprised it’s still a thing. Staying in is everything.

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105 comments

I too enjoy a boozy lunch. My husband is a Let’s Go Out kind of guy, and I have become a Let’s Stay in kind of gal. We did go over to a friend’s place for dinner last night, and it was AWESOME. Amazing Greek food, several bottles of wine, and I didn’t have to wait in line for the toilet. THAT my friend, is my kind of night!

We’ve recently begun renting a a house and we’re in the process of moving out of the apartment now. One big reason is so we can invite people over and I don’t have to go out. In short, yes to all of this.

I’ve been a member of Team Staying In for my entire life. Going out is expensive, usually loud, and half the time doesn’t allow you to actually enjoy time with your friends/family. The one exception is visiting bakeries and escape rooms, but those are fairly fast stops 😂

First, what’s “…to your gaff for a knees up…”? Second, I love staying in. I liked going out for about a year, right after my divorce. Then, when I was happily re-coupled and we started to realize how much each others company was better than anything at a bar. Well, we stopped so much with the going out business. We did go our for dinner this weekend. Home by eight.
But, I totally agree, socializing is wonderful. Friends and family a joy. But public places- meh. *shrugs shoulder*

Yes, oh I’m so glad you agree. My favourite nights ever are literally just staying in with my husband and watching a good film.
Haha, I’ll translate my very British phrase for you:
“gaff” = someone’s home
“knees up” = a social gathering
Haha hope that helps!

Team staying in. I loved going out when I was younger but I’m over it. I drive now most places so I don’t drink unless hubby drives. I’d rather spend time having a good meal or like you say at a friends house!

LOL! I love the picture! Too funny! If you did that when you went out it would be dope, as the kids say. I’m still on team Going Out because I have a job that kind of requires it at times, but I prefer to pick my peeps and keep my circle small.

I suppose as older we get as more we enjoy gathering together with friends at home but,i will confess my secret guilty pleasure:I still like to go out and party even late……it is the morning after I’m starting to have problem with🤪

YES YES YES! I’m actually not an introvert. I’m a what is it- ambivert? But maybe I’m leaning towards the introvert side as I get older. I’m always losing my patience with strangers when I’m out, so maybe I’m best kept away from them. So glad you’re on my side with this!

I really love going out for dinner. But you are right, for parties, I way prefer nights out at friends houses vs dancing in clubs. It’s partly because I can drink more without worrying, and partly because it’s just more relaxing being with friends.

Yeah. Way more enjoyable at friends houses than shouting at each other in a crowded restaurant. Pubs are fun for cozy dates w the hubster but a crowd makes me feel like I just hopped off a tilt-a-whirl. Plus I like to binge watch Kdrama while Wining & the guys at the pub won’t switch from the game for some reason.

I’m 37-years old and I have enjoyed staying in for probably 10 years now. 🙂 My introverted personality much prefers intimate, deep conversations with just a few people in a comfortable space to the loud, impersonal conversations when going out. Oh, and being surrounded by tons of strangers – I cringe just thinking about it. Love this post, Hayley!

I went through a phase of enjoying staying in (either at home or other people’s places) but now I have reverted to going out; there’s something I really like about getting away from everything domestic and having a fun night out at the pub/s…probably because I’m a mostly-stay-at-home-dad, so going out is very important to me! The only challenging part is figuring out how to get home afterwards – we live in a rural village with no bus service after 6pm, so its either a train ride and then a 2 mile walk home or an expensive taxi. But still, going out for a drink beats staying in 🙂

I get that. Who knows, it might come round again for me. I do find that in the summer, I’m more open to going out, but even then not often! I’m so glad it’s just a short stumble home for me when I do go out!

When my husband and I reached our forties we came to the same conclusion – it’s much better going to somebody’s house or staying in. It got to the stage where on meeting up with another fortysomething couple to go to a disco/club, the guy said as we arrived at the entrance…”Why are all these children queueing up to get in?”

In my sixth decade, I’m a devout going outer. With the lapses in memory that alcohol induces it feels as though I too am in my forties.
I shall donate my liver to medical science, either that or to Hannibal Lecter. Served with onions in its own Carling sauce. 😀

So funny and what on earth would 18 year old you do if she ever thought older her would write this?? Now I’m wondering if you pack supplies for these house socials…the knee blanket, fights for the rocking chair, extra Horlicks (one hopes autoincorrect fiddles not with that one!). Maybe a few cookies to dunk. You have cats too yes? Lots of them…I hear from the Simpson’s mad cat women are in vogue in later years……

Of course on may laugh and joke….but…. 18 year old me is currently raging against the machine on very similar grounds 😱

Between you & I Gary, I have been known to take my slippers round to someone’s house of an evening 😆 And that is 100% true. Oh and my life’s ambition is to be a mad cat woman, so I’m pleased to hear that I’m very much in vogue. 18yr old me would NOT recognise me in the slightest. I partied pretty hard from about 14-34, so I’m absolutely a-ok with staying in most of the time now. I’m too knackered Gary ha x

I think I am mainly on the staying in side, although going out has the advantage of being able to leave everyone there still out and go home when you get fed up with them.
Or vice versa obviously. That happens quite a lot now I think about it.

Totally with ya’ on this. I hate going out. The idea of going out is fun and glamourous then I’m like, “fuck, I have to go out.” I have soooo much fun at people’s houses. Especially b/c our kids can roam around with their kids and parents can sit there and bs with each other.

Exactly. New Years Eve, everyone’s kids were all upstairs (god knows what they were all up too. Nobody checked on them as we’re all terrible parents) and all the adults were downstairs chatting shit and dancing to silly tunes. Perfect night 👍🏻

Lol. Go to gigs! It’s dark, you can wear what you like, if they are less than famous bands drinks aren’t a problem. Never been touched inappropriately so can’t comment on that but I reckon otherwise you should give it a try! 🤘

lol. Not for me, cant stand sit down gigs. I want to be up the front moshing! If I go into a sit down gig I check out the grey hair ratio to work out if I should get ready to dance or just hunker down for the night!