Pages

Tomorrow it's Samhain! I'm so excited I didn't know I could be. We have a costume day at school, and I'm dressed as goddess of the forest.

This is my dress for tomorrow! Is it good enough? I'm sorry for the bad picture, my grandma took it so it's a bit shaky. :'D By the way, an anonymous asked if I could do a post about my quill. I will do it as soon as I have all this moving things over. It may take a while, because the moving will happen with small steps in this November. So it will be out in December, if it's okay? If you want it sooner, I will go and get my quill from my parent's house.

Argh soon it's first of November and then we have NaNoWriMo. I don't even know how my main character kills his victims! I'm writing about an actor, who always plays serial killers and murderers, but as a plot twist, he's a method actor who really kills people like his character. He's a psycho, who has studied criminology at university and has a degree at forensics. So he knows how to not get caught.

Oh, and yesterday I went to bed at 4PM and woke up today at 6AM. :'D I was like 'whoops!' when I woke up... But at school I wasn't tired at all, but some kind of a fog was around my brain. I don't know how to explain it properly, but it is the feeling I have. I know it sounds weird, but my life usually is. Weird, I mean. :'D

It's been quite long since my last post and so many things have happened. Or going to happen, almost same thing. :'D I'm going to quit my job as a telemarketer because my salary from the last month was 19,65€ and the other months haven't been well paid either. I work almost every day in a week and this month I've had more than three days over seven hours of work. And almost for nothing, because we are paid by how much we sell so... I've had three orders in a four work days and that isn't good. My friend got twenty orders in a day. In a frigging day! I don't have that much in a week. So I'm going to quit, because I don't have energy enough to work and study the same time.

I have a massive writer's block because of it. I'm too tired to create anything else than growling and swears under my breath. I have really bad nightmares and I sleep very much but it isn't deep enough. I had to buy a new pack of my sleeping pills and they cost me 13,65€! Way too much, because normal pain killers can be bought costing only 5€ and my epilepsy meds cost me only 3€ for a half of year. Well, my epilepsy and depression meds together cost as much as those sleeping pills. I just wonder how they are thinking I'm going to be a good taxpayer and worker when I can't sleep?! And when I'm trying to get help for it then it costs me almost my whole salary, so I'm just thinking what is the point here?

13,65€ for 100 pills, and the doctor said I should take two before going to bed. Even with my bad maths I can say that this pack isn't going to last long. So I'm kinda pissed off. I hope you can understand me, my fellow witches. It just annoys me. Also my phone bill was about seventy euros and I decided I'm never going to call again. The only one I'm calling is my grandmom, because she doesn't know how to read texts. And also I decided to lessen this computer using because I use my phone's internet with my computer, and it costs some extra. Making some changes, I can say.

Is there anyone else who is really excited about Samhain? It's my favourite sabbath because of darkness and in so many cultures it's celebrated. Only by name of Halloween, but I don't care. I can think that they're secretly celebrating Samhain, so there's a lot of little witches outside. :) Also it's a bit sad that in Finland kids don't go trick or treating. We do that in Easter, because we have Easter bunnies and witches and that kind of stuff. It's finnish Halloween, but not so dark. And I like the one and only Halloween because in October it's so dark you can see the stars and wonder what they are. (Being an adult sucks. I hate knowing what they are.)

In case someone hasn't noticed yet, I'm not a traditional wicca. I'm eclectic in so many ways that some other witches may call me a wannabe if they're mean enough. I don't make rituals, because I don't have my own apartment and own peace, but I do make some moments feel like rituals. When I'm walking in the woods, I touch trees and pray gods, I sing for the flowers and to the nature. It's one kind of ritual. When I'm at sauna, I salute my ancestors. Sauna is a really important part of finnish lifestyle, has been for centuries. So there I also sing and pray, and it feels like they salute me too. Sauna is also a place for meditating. I love sauna and there I can really find peace and spells made there work the best, I don't know why.

I'm eclectic also by how I see gods. There's wiccan gods and Creator, who made everything. I believe in them, but also Odin and Frigga with their family hold a very dear place in my heart. So scandinavian, norwegian, gods are also my gods. And then there's Aslan. Many are really surprised when I tell them I really believe Aslan and Narnia exists. Aslan also brings seasons to Earth, he works together with Mother Earth. Sounds weird and complicated, I know. Trust me, I've tried to manage things, I've tried to lessen all these gods, but I just can't. They are part of my life and it's not actually my choice. A part of me thinks that it is my choice to choose my gods, but this experience has taught me that it isn't. As long as you seek your gods, it is your choice, but when you find the right ones... Then something just clicks and you notice that they really don't listen to you if you want them to go away. They're there, because they know they can help my soul. It's touching.

I have my Book of Shadows, though it's only a fancy notebook, but when I saw it at the store I knew it had to be my first BoS. I wasn't even looking for a Book of Shadows, I was going to buy a new pencil. I bought the pencil and the notebook. x) Since then, I've collected there a knowledge about candles and rituals and all the things I see important. There's spells I've written by myself and there's spells that I've found. Of course I've always asked for a permission to use them, but so many spells I've found in finnish folklore, Kalevala. Finnish people believed it before the Bible, and sometimes I hope they still believed it. It would be so much easier than these arguments if homosexuality is a sin or not. (Honestly, I think that people are stupid if they think someone like God would hate someone who's gay. Their God loves everybody, so hello! They just aren't listening themselves if they talk about how God created you the way you are and in the same breath tell you that is wrong to love someone who's the same sex as you.)

Actually, I think I should make own post to my opinion of homosexuality and how it is portrayed in all these "religious" people. I'm religious and still not judging anyone! (Except murderers and rapers, but I think that's ok.)

Now we're trying to Skype to Kinoni school in Uganda. Yup, you guessed right, there's Canadians in our lovely Finland. It's awesome to hear perfect english, it's really rare thing here. There are teachers who are good at it, but I absolutely love how naturally it comes from Canadians. Call me crazy if you want, I'm a witch already. ;) So why not a crazy witch? Here you can find a blog of our FinAl program, mostly kept by Finnish guys. Don't worry, it's all in english. :) Here's a little information, written by someone not attached to our project. This might be the Canadian version of our WordPress blog, but I'm not sure if anyone runs it anymore. More about this you cand find from Google, just search with words Finland Alberta programme.

Now it's time for apologies. Sorry I didn't do my Mabon post like I was goig to. I didn't do anything special, just thinking how my path started. I'm not telling it now because it's a long story and I have so little time, but I promise I'm not writing in Samhain. It's one of the most holy sabbaths to me. But something about my Samhain I will tell you on the first of November. If I have enough time, because I'm participating in NaNoWriMo again. I hope I'll win this year. n_n Maybe you'll get a ton of posts in the last week of November, because then I have a vacation with Simo, whole week without work or school♥

Don't get me wrong, I like school and I love education, but working and studying at the same time is way too hard sometimes. I think you guys understand what I'm talking about. So I don't have to explain how frustrated I am at sometimes. Gladly we have this kind of projects in our school. I love the FinAl project and one part of me doesn't want to leave the school at the end of this year. But life goes on, so I have to do so too. Because of this project I've got many new friends and I will keep in touch with them. If it's possible. If they want. :'D

Here's what I think about when someone tries to put me down. It's hard, but easier than getting offended.