Emotional Agony

Those men and women who went to war and made it out alive
Who charged into battle and did more than just survive
What courage and strength it takes to escape domestic abuse
I’ll admit, I envy you
Not for the trauma you went through
But because you have visual proof that others can see too
I wonder what I would look like if emotional trauma manifested as scars and bruises
A cut across my wrist for every time he spat, “You’re worthless”
A bruise on my chest for every time he said, “Choose me or this”
A handprint around my neck for every promise not kept
A stab to the heart for every time I allowed him to tear me and the ones I love apart
How do I explain the damage done, when he never laid a hand on me?
Not even once?
How do I prove he broke me when my x-rays are all clear?
When the only evidence I have can be chalked up to anxiety and irrational fear?
He turned me into the perfect puppet and I let him
Each string connected, I questioned and he said, “This is what love is”
I let him take all my power and strength from me
His abuse became a blind spot only I couldn’t see
I thought he loved me
Every fight, I made sure to be the one to say sorry
Anything to make sure he didn’t leave
For every locked door, I believed he held to key
But his pockets were empty
I gave him everything
And in return, nothing
Not even an apology
Not an ounce of guilt for the manipulating and controlling
His favorite scapegoat, “I gave you a choice. You chose me”
I have to see him again soon
I have played over and over again in my head what I will say and what he will do.
“Do you want to know the truth?
I’m terrified of you, but you have no power unless I give it to you.”

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Published by: Cat Schooley

I am a 22 year old college student with a passion for writing and the environment. My goals in life include educating and inspiring people to do their best and be their best.
View all posts by Cat Schooley