"I do believe i am falling for him but he doesn't bother catching me."This must be stopped. grrr... He is a tumor that slowly occupies a huge space in my hypothalamus. oh gahd! I never met him, I never talked to him on the phone but why why am i falling for him? He diverts my focus from my academics to his stupid lies. My life has gone in shambles!!

However with him as my so-called inspiration,(Is he really my inspiration? i don't think so). my 2009 started good. i mean really good :D i got the highest grades in my class in almost all the subjects, not to brag but this truth still didn't sink in my brain. I can't believe it with my zero study habit i could actually be on top. weee... *nuff said for that

With that start i don't want to ruin it anymore. I don't want him to be the reason why i am degrading in my academics. therefore i must get a grip i must hold on whatever it takes. *sigh* easy for me to tell. I tried before to build a wall between our communication and yet i am still the one who kept on climbing that wall to check him on the other side. What the hell is happening to me? It's torturing me! My world is so f*ucked up. I need moderation, balance and discipline! and oh another thing i gained weight during the break. shi*t. i'm on diet again. geezz.

(I just realized these three songs that consecutively played in my pc reminds me of him. coincidence maybe?)

i know i know my post is random. my thoughts are shuffled. i know i had grammatical errors and typos . but the what hell am i doing now when i am suppose to be creating my report in CRISTOLOGY.

who's up for another set of constant struggle, failure, success, love and life?yeah i guess everybody is (as if we have another choice).But before you start your engines and travel the road of 2009, have you ever packed-up your 2008?well me, i guess. yeah. sort of. i'm not really dwelling with my past but instead i pack up the lessons of 2008 to feed me as i travel toward the end of 2009.

pero wait....anong balak naten sa 2009?

resolutions. resolutions. every year i had a list of it [a long list] but then wth! it's good as one day promise to myself. haha. that's why i quit making resolutions 4 yrs ago. New year's resolution as defined by wikipedia as a reforming of a habit. Well that's good enough. We subject ourselves to a change, a change for a better being. But a new year's resolution is a commitment that takes effect on new year. We constantly say to ourselves, " ngayong year di na ako ganito, di ko na gagawin yun, magiging ganito na ako, pagbubutihan ko ang ganyan, ganun. blah blah." . You cannot say " dahil new year na di nako magiging ganun." that's bullsh*t change does not happen with just a mouthful of words. CHANGE IS A GRADUAL PROCESS. it needs acceptance, time and you have to cherish it. In my case i cannot dictate myself that today i have to start my new year resolution. no! i am just pretending to myself that i did it, but in fact i kept on repeating the mistakes i have done before. Ok maybe in some cases you can keep your resolutions for a week or so but eventually you'll get tired of it. i mean wake up! do not set a change now but instead set a goal that eventually changes you within the process of reaching your goal. What i mean with the goal is that it has to be reachable it must benefit you or others. let me state an example. a girl says, " mag-aaral na ako ng mabuti starting ngayon ". predict what will happen next............

the girl grew tired of it because she kept on studying without any to look forward to. But then if you say that, " dapat 95 makuha ko ngayong sem " atleast you have something to strive for, something to reach. It can also be " dapat makabili ako ng laptop " instead of saying " magtitipid na ako ngayon ". Get it guys? i am not telling that you trash those new year resolution of yours but give more clarity with your vague so-called resolutions. be more REALISTIC. well that's the bottom line.

wahaha... i know my post is quite random but i just wanted to vent out my thoughts for today. those are just my opinions, no hard feelings everyone. [i wonder who that everyone is]. :P

“Christina, I could promise to hold you and to cherish you. I could promise to be there in sickness and in health. I could say ’till death do us part. But I won’t. Those vows are for optimistic couples. The ones full of hope. And I do not stand here, on my wedding day, optimistic or full of hope. I am not optimistic, I am not hopeful. I am sure, I am steady, and I know. I am a heart man: I take them apart, I put them back together. I hold them in my hands. I am a heart man. So this, I am sure. You are my partner, my lover, my very best friend. My heart, my heart, beats for you. And on this day, the day of my wedding, I promise you this: I promise you to lay my heart in the palm of your hand. I promise you ME.”

the very first time i was hearing this, i, i thought my heart skipped a beat. damn it! is there a Dr. Preston Burke out there????????? i really cannot explain what i felt, oh right it was just in tv (grey's anatomy) but to imagine that a man would actually say that to you on your wedding day or even not on your wedding day is ... whoa! he's freaking way too romantic! grrrr.. i am drooling! haha. but you know all girls would definitely wanted to hear that or something like that which really came from the heart of the man they truly love. it's really different something very intimate something that could melt a girl's heart, something that would leave their brains screaming out in love something that could set them drooling a hundred buckets of blood. hehe.. but i tell you what the sad thing is boys like those are RARE i mean damn rare!! and most of all, it was just script written and the head writer of grey's anatomy is a lady! how lame. why is it girls are more romantic than boys???