The famous pixelated plumber Super Mario is known as quite the Italian hero, but this week we wonder if Super Mario wouldn’t be better served as a hero if he were black instead of Italian. We come up with some fantastic powers he might have if he were more well-endowed, and then discuss what powers the princess might have that could explain her floating abilities. Some sort of powerful blast of air coming from the princess might explain how she’s able to hover… Super Mario has quite a woman on his hands!

Speaking of idiocy, are you familiar with the abomination that is Iggy Azalea? She’s an Australian rapper who sounds like she’s from Atlanta because of her impersonating the rapper accent often found there. We’re fairly sure someone should be offended at this, but no one seems to be, so we listen to her big hit song “Fancy” and then compare it to how she sounds in real life. Complete fakery. Also in the “fake” column is Macklemore, the white rapper who raps about the “Same Love” … but also secretly texts other rappers that they should’ve won the Grammy instead of him. Publically, however, he boasts about his win as deserved. It would seem the “Same Love” is the love for himself. Oh, also we talk about stomping babies. We really need some professional therapy.

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