Sunday, August 05, 2007

Confusion Maxima

I'm not brave. I'm not pretty. I'm not smart. And definetly I'm no pixie. Yet that hasn't stopped the brave (or stupid according to my brother) men that have been involved with me throughout my lifetime.

I have a knack of falling into my Ron-Hermionie relationships. I can't be with someone that isn't my friend first. One of the things that I have to put up with is seeing them fall in and out of like or lust with someone. I've learned to lose and suffered heavy heartbreaks, but they have made me stronger.

Then there's you. So similar yet so different from me. I still don't understand why I love spending time with you. I guess it's because I can simply let go and be myself. I don't have to fake, and I don't have to pretend that I'm not someone else. You understand things that others don't get from me. You give me the extra push that I need to make tough desicions. You know exactly how to brighten my day, even when I'm all gloomy. You have the strange ability to make me feel safe.

Today, my biggest fear came true. You told me about having found your perfect match. Obviously, you weren't talking about me. The usual mix of emotions arises. Anger, because I haven't had the guts to tell you what I feel for you. Sadness, because I might lose you. Happiness, because I see you smile. Fear, that I'll lose you. Which has been the only feeling that has held me back from kissing you when we're alone.

Perhaps it's time to step up and tell you exactly what's going on in my mind. Maybe the time has come to take the challenge. It's the typical lose-lose situation. If you don't feel anything for me, I might lose you, but if I don't tell you, I might lose you as well to someone else.

Something to make you feel proud, I don't cry for J anymore, my tears are for you.