Writing it out, one blog at a time.

Am I really failing at everything?

Our lives have taken on quite the change in the past three months. As a family of five, life can be so overwhelming. Running kids to this activity and that, keeping up with housework, etc. We decided to homeschool our three children, after a year long back and forth decision process. For reasons I will not get into now, we (mostly me) felt that this was best for our children at this time.

I was a dental assistant, and I was gone from the house from 7am to 5:30pm. I would then come home, make dinner, and finish school with the kids. During the day, they were doing online school, and at night I would help with questions, and try to teach……..but I was so tired.

This lead to me being at a crossroads. Do I put my children back into public school, or figure out a way for me to be at home more, and still bring in some sort of income? I chose the latter. I accepted a very part time job, that puts me home at noon everyday. I picked up two house cleaning jobs to supplement some income, and crossed my fingers that this would all work out.

I feel like I have lost my identity, and am minimizing my skills……but it is better for the kids in the long run right? I am scared that I will cripple my family financially by doing this. I am scared that I am not teaching my children enough. I am being pulled in a million different directions, and feel like I am balancing the weight of the whole world on my shoulders. If I fall from the weight, everyone suffers.

Something in my heart keeps telling me to push forward. Something keeps telling me, that over all of the doubts I have, this is the right thing. I must persevere. I cannot fail. But if I do?

I suppose it depends on your definition of ‘fail’. You will learn lessons along the way, your children will grow and mature, it just might not be in the way you originally thought.

Each day is going to present new challenges and struggles, the key is not in avoiding it, but in handling each with grace. Trust me when I say your children are learning, even if they don’t have a book sitting in front of them, and your heart to serve your family shows; you are not failing.

I call this the Supermom Syndrome, and all us mama’s have it at some point or another. Do your best and that’s good enough. Love, patience, and grace for one another will fill in the gaps. You have not lost your identity but are enhancing the one you have. You are enough. Well done mama for listening to your instincts; you will persevere and your kids will prosper in amazing ways. Breathe in, exhale, and enjoy the journey.

Wow, that is a life changing decision. I know I would not have the patience to teach my own daughter. We are way too much alike. Still, I know some others who home school and there are certainly benefits. Good luck to you and believe in yourself. Although much of your time is taken up with the kids and housework, make sure you schedule some time for yourself as well. You cannot take care of your family unless you are happy and healthy!
Good luck to you. You can do this!

I am the "little armored one", moving gently through life. Hoping to safeguard my sensitivities with layers of words and the expression of thought. Shielding my mirror neurons at times, or tasting music and spinning till I'm dizzy. Every moment here is a gift.