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Dear Carolyn: I received my undergraduate degree a year ago, have a good job and consider myself
financially stable. My boyfriend is finishing his master’s and will graduate with $200,000 in
student debt.

We have been together for nine months and haven’t talked seriously about his massive debt. I
know we both eventually want to be married and have kids, travel and live comfortable lives.

I don’t see that being a possibility. Homeownership and kids seem impossible under that amount
of debt.

I have considered talking to a financial adviser but doubt that it will help much. I don’t want
to break up with my boyfriend, but, the way I see it, he would have to throw massive amounts of
money into his loans, and what I make would support us. I would end up resenting him for that.

Should I break it off?

— Not My Debt

Dear Debt: Such debt will dog you, limit you, wake you up to stare at the ceiling at 3 a.m. if
one’s job is the least bit unstable. I sympathize with all of your misgivings.

I also recognize that such situations have become a too-common reality. I hope that others will
read this and weigh the realistic return on education investments carefully before making them.

That is the responsible answer.

Here’s the other answer that I can’t shake: A lot of us would choose our mates and their
liabilities — debt, illness, crazy family — over homeownership, travel or even comfort, depending
on how you define it. Plenty sign on despite children from previous relationships, at an estimated
liability of $241,080 per child to age 18, according to government statistics.

So break it off? If he isn’t the guy you would choose over your preferred lifestyle, then yes.
If you’re not sure yet, then talking seriously about money seems a fine place to start finding
out.

Dear Carolyn: I’m due with baby No. 3 in May, and we plan to name her after the place where my
husband and I fell in love.

My mother-in-law told my husband she hates the name. She noted a cousin’s wife of that name whom
everyone in her family hates and whose daughter committed suicide. We hadn’t heard of this woman
before.

She later told my husband that, if we name our baby something she doesn’t like, she won’t call
her by it. She will make up a name she likes because she’s a “free spirit.” That makes me feel
disrespected and angry.

It would be so great if you could respond with a letter I can give my mother-in-law. This
behavior is nothing new, but I especially hate the drama she loves to drum up around special
occasions such as the birth of our children.

— M.

Dear M.: This letter’s for you: Stick with your name and ignore your mother-in-law.

Per your description, she is just being herself, fighting hardest for the spotlight when it’s
focused on others. Because that is about her, not you or your family, the only things on your to-do
list are to resist the urge to take offense and calmly ride this out.