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Happy Marriage?

It can happen. My grandparents were married 55 years before my grandmother passed away. They were happy. I've been married almost 10 years and we're still happy. Sure we have our differences at times but nothing we couldn't work out.

My husband and I will be observing our 44th anniversary on Friday. We were married when I was 18, and about the only thing I knew about marriage was that it was for life. I believe this is what has made the difference. We committed to each other for life, for better or worse, in sickness or health, until we are parted by death and we meant what we said. We are about as opposite as any two people could ever be. We have been happy because happiness is a choice. You can choose to laugh or you can choose to cry. You can choose to pout or you can choose to get over it. You can choose to grow or you can choose to stay where you are. I would do it all again!!

What are the secrets for having a happy? 38 years here. I think the main secret is to get the right man. I was lucky to fall in love with an honest man who cares about family and who has many of the same interests that I do. He had the same philosophies about child-rearing, financial matters, and extended family that I had. We became best friends before we ever fell in love, and he is still my best friend. Other secrets: let him win arguments, and if it turns out that he was wrong after all, never say I told you so- there is no reason to make him feel inferior. Treat him the same way you would treat a lover- greet him with smile, listen to him, praise him. Do him the courtesy of telling him if you are upset about something. Treat him as though he were a well-liked neighbor- be polite, offer to help, do things that make him happy to be around you.

Being willing and having the desire to take care of your spouse's needs. Having a spouse who is willing and has the desire to take care of your needs in return. It's about listening and respecting your spouse's thoughts and ideas even if you don't agree with or understand them. Understanding that it's not always about being right, it's about making it work.

Do not think of it being a 50-50 propostion. It is both parties giving 100% and putting each other first while each maintains a sense of self and a life of their own that compliments the life they have together. Commitment to the marriage as well as the spouse is critical. If one of you messes up big time, commitment to the individual may falter while the commitment to the marriage will get you through.

Well I've had 2 failed marriages, but I'm currently in a wonderful relationship and one MAJOR difference with this relationship is "communication". My SO and I talk every day about EVERYTHING including sensitive issues. We are completely honest with one another about everything and don't hide anything from one another. We never criticize each other and never judge one another. We are best friends and I notice that if we don't talk regularly something feels 'off'. I've never had such good communication with my previous marriages and I think that was a major reason things didn't work out.

I love Bmat's answer. My hubby and I are going through the worst time together ever.. we fight all the time. We used to never fight, but after a baby, lost jobs, no money, family problems, and A LOT more, we just can't seem to stop arguing, but I just recently realized that it does take 2 to fight, so I've decided that I'll try to do exactly what Bmat said. I'm going to try harder, and make him feel appreciated for being the man that he is, let him win arguments, and stop putting him down.

I love reading these! So great to hear stories about what DOES work to make happy marriages and relationships. It seems the common denominator is that happy couples rarely focus on their own needs - they center their energy on their partner and making them happy in a balanced way.