The best Joe Bugel story ever

In about 30 minutes of talking on Wednesday afternoon, Joe Bugel provided enough material for probably 17 blog posts. But there won't be any better story than this one. Or more disgusting one, anyway.

Near the end of his post-presser remarks, I asked Bugel whether the creation of the Hogs nickname qualifies as a moment of inspiration. Innocent question. Filthy answer.

"That caught on like wildfire," Bugel said. "I looked at Grimm, his gut was out here....I'll tell you a funny story about Grimm," Bugel then said, changing directions quicker than a Hogette on a bungee cord. "We practiced on Wednesday nights. They had a nice little bar in Carlisle, they had chili dogs and stuff like that. So we had [practice] that night and I got in the huddle and it smelled like a brewery. And [Grimm] got a little overheated. And I don't mean to say throw up...but he threw up, and he threw up a hot dog. It hit the grass."

As the media members giggled the way anyone would giggle at the idea of a fully formed hot dog squirting out of an offensive lineman's guts, much of the story became sort of pantomimed more than described. Let me summarize. Grimm "picked that wiener" off the ground. The ball boys got nauseated, and one said "Mr. Grimm, you can't do that." And Grimm blew on the hot dog, shook it off, and then popped it back in his mouth.

"Can't waste a good dog now," he said.

A few minutes later, I saw Doc Walker, and asked him if this story was true. Walker remembered it being a quarter of a dog, but he confirmed the basic wiener out, wiener in concept.

"He can, because he swallows them, because there's another one on his plate," Bugel said of Grimm. "He should have got in those hot dog contests, you know who can eat the most....But he blew the grass off before he ate the rest of it," Bugel later pointed out.

Bugel, though, loved those Hogs. He kept saying so, repeatedly. Even though they tried to murder him.

"They were nasty," Bugel said. "That was a great bunch to coach, you know what I mean? We coached 'em hard, and they tried to kill me a number of times. Bricks on top of the door and stuff like that. They were my very dearest friends, but I had to wear an army helmet when I went back to the dormitory because they tried everything. I think the harder you coach, the more guys respect you, you know what I mean?"

Bricks on top of the door? Really?

"Oh, a lot," Bugel said. "They'd say no no, don't open that door. I looked up, there was a big pile of bricks. I didn't have my hat on at that time. I said 'Oh, I see how they're playing now. I'll get 'em in the morning.' "

Also, during his remarks, Bugel said he would spend Sundays next year drinking Bloody Marys and eating Hog Balls. Um, Hog Balls?

So, bricks over a door that could fall and hurt someone = funny stuff from a great group of guys. Unloaded guns in the locker room = dangerous, violent, thuggish behavior from a bad guy who needs to have his contract voided. Glad we have that clear.

you're kidding, right? See, possessing a gun in DC happens to illegal - get it? Also, guns kill people, bricks don't - get it? Want to play the unloaded card? Fine - guess what, people who play with unloaded guns get shot all the time because, imagine this, the other person being threatened usually doesn't know they're unloaded - get it?

dumbass, immature athletes who embrace thug culture are a problem....it ain't good for kids to see this nonsense... THAT's what the NBA is trying to send a message about.

So, bricks over a door that could fall and hurt someone = funny stuff from a great group of guys. Unloaded guns in the locker room = dangerous, violent, thuggish behavior from a bad guy who needs to have his contract voided. Glad we have that clear.

You're not really this stupid are you? I mean, have you not read a DC newspaper in the last say, oh, 2 years? Firearms in DC are not illegal, thanks to the LANDMARK Supreme Court decision on this issue.

I can't say this enough: If you don't have any idea what you are talking about, please do not feel compelled to post comments. You have every right to be as ignorant as you want, sunnyman1, but please do us all a favor and keep your ignorance to yourself.

Unloaded or not, a gun in the locker room is inappropriate and out of line. Let's not act like dude had a SuperSoaker. Let's also not forget that Critt DID have a loaded weapon. 2 immature, untrained jackasses with weapons; no justifying it.

Far as Buges, he deserves to enjoy life out in the land of golf courses...

So wait, it's perfectly legal to drop bricks on someone's head? (I'm in semi-jest mode here, by the way. I love Bugel and I love stories like this. Much the way I think many of us enjoyed Gilbert's shenanigans when he was getting 30 points a night. I'm not condemning Stein here, but it's interesting that on one hand we're "hailing" The Hogs "playing rough" and setting up pranks that could easily cross the line just a few days after Arenas was roundly poleaxed for a prank that crossed the line. And if you don't think that dropping bricks on someone's head is illegal, you may wish to consult with an attorney before staging a prank.)

seems that the only LOGICAL answer to prevent brick related injuries and deaths are to institute new laws to encourage brick safety.

-Mandatory brick registration. With severe penalties for the sale or use of non registered and serially numbered bricks

-Mandatory masonry safety courses for all masonry purchasers under the age of 18

-A five day waiting/"cool down" period to purchase bricks

-A full background check for any previous history of masonry related felonies or misdemeanors

-New legislation for all privately owned bricks to be stored and transported in approved Brick Safety Wraps (a 3" cushion composed of: a layer of neoprene rubber,a bladder filled with gel foam, and another protective layer of neoprene rubber with safeti-sponge [TM] locks) unless actively being used

That's what we'd do for OTHER dangerous items...right?

In a related story; The District of Columbia, in response to the alarming number of brick related deaths, is proposing new legislation banning the use and possession of bricks by private citizens within the District's bounderies.