It looks like I’ll need to add making pizza to my list of things to do next weekend. I don’t want her to feel left out. Although, at this point, two years after her gluten, egg and dairy allergy diagnosis, she is pretty much used to it.

Dear Mom of a Child with Food Allergies,

I get this one. I understand. Your life is not easy.

Sometimes, when you start to make a meal plan, you just want to cry.

The gluten, egg and dairy is just our oldest daughter. Her little sister is gluten, dairy and tree-nut free. The baby is gluten and dairy-free. My husband is tree-nut free. I am gluten and dairy-free now since I am nursing the baby. And I still dabble in Trim Healthy Mama…although I can say it’s much, much harder with food allergies. It just is.

It doesn’t matter if your children has one allergy or 10, figuring out what to feed your family simply is not easy.

Away from home is even harder. The standard goldfish-cracker toddler snack is something your child can never experience. Maybe it will cause his or her little body some kind of temporary distress, like diarrhea or hives–or maybe it will even send him into anaphylactic shock.

So, week after week, you pack allergy-free snacks for him. And you just hope that he doesn’t eat off another child’s plate–or pick up some crumbs from the floor.

Dropping him or her off at a play group elevates your stress level.

Your child gets excited to eat cake at birthday parties just like any other kid. But you must be diligent to make your child his or her own cupcake to take with them.

One of you wrote to me the other day and told me that your friends tease you about being “Martha Stewart” since you make everything from scratch.

“They just don’t understand,” you wrote. “They just don’t understand. I have to make everything from scratch because processed foods can kill my son.”

I hear you, Mama. I hear you.

My children do not have the anaphylactic reaction, but one of my children had chronic digestive issues for three years. All three of them have suffered stomach problems. And my second endured respiratory illness and asthma until we figured out her food allergies.

And like I heard one mom in a support group say: Gluten turns my kids into meanies.

There are those people who just think you are making it up or want your child to not eat certain foods for health reasons.

Well, yes, you do want your child to be healthy, and you would probably prefer they not chow down on goldfish constantly anyway, BUT when it comes down to it, sometimes you do just wish it could be as easy as a once-a-week cup of goldfish crackers in the church nursery.

Reader Interactions

63 Comments

You so get me. BLESS YOU. There are days when it is just so tempting to give up, but we don’t have that luxury. I remember when I got my son’s food allergy diagnosis at age one. I cried for weeks at every meal. I was so overwhelmed and unable to fathom what to feed him. It was TERRIBLE. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

On of the most frustrating things for us is convincing people that our kids really so have allergies. Because they don’t have an anaphylactic reaction people think we’re exaggerating or making it up.
Until we took corn and lactose out of their diets they had eczema and tummy issues. Our oldest was on a PPI and our middle child was on 2 antihistamines, a steroid, and multiple creams to help his eczema or get rid of the staph infection in his eczema.
We found out earlier this year that our oldest had been getting a corn filled snack every time we took her to church. It explained the frequent sickness, stuffy nose, and return to using a PPI. Trying to keep them allergy free is crazy. Even with all the paperwork filled out and an allergy bracelet on them every day it is still frustrating.
Thank you for this! It’s like a breath of fresh air in a very frustrating subject.

As mom to a daughter who is currently avoiding eggs, dairy, soy, wheat, peas, carrots, white potatoes, tree nuts, and peanuts….it’s hard. On days when I am exhausted and have nothing left, I turn to pancakes: 1 C Rice flour. 1 C gluten free Oat flour (Bob’s red mill is a good brand), 1 tsp baking powder, 1/2 tsp or less of salt. A little raw sugar if desired. Fruit if desired. A couple tablespoons of apple sauce. OR sub in 1 TBSP chia seed mixed with water for the egg. Add dairy-free milk (or, in my case, I often just use water). Mix until pancake batter consistency. Bake as for pancakes. My daughter devours them, and they take almost no time to make.

This has been my life for 29 years now. I have 7 children. Six of them have asthma (as do I). Three have severe food allergies. All have enviromental allergies. We’ve had three ambulance rides and several ER trips. Five anaphylactic reactions. One CCU stay (daughter at 21 due to anaphylactic reaction). Countless ER trips for asthma issues. At least four week-long hospital stays due to asthma. Tubs of steroid creams. Boxes and boxes of nebulizer meds and probably over a dozen nebulizers. Allergy shots, Benadryl, epi-pens and special diets rule our lives. We do the best we can…..and it is stressful….it is tiring….but I am the best Mom these kids could have. I can handle it and when I can’t dh is strong. God gives us the strength and determination to see our children thrive.

My son was diagnosed with food allergies when he was 6 months old and he’s now 4. It’s been a learning process and a scary one at times. Here are some tips I’ve learned to get through it a bit more easily…
-Make cupcakes and freeze individually so they’re ready to thaw for last minute parties
-Make dairy free pizza with Daiya cheese, cut into pieces, and freeze in serving sizes for last minute dinners/parties
-Get a thermal pouch for your epi-pens and TAKE THEM WITH YOU EVERYWHERE, EVERYTIME
-Speak up. I’ve learned to be an advocate for my son and you can’t be bashful about it either.
I also started a blog about food allergies and our allergy/asthma journey and it’s been so therapeutic! Here are some recent posts that may help your readers that suffer from food allergies….http://momversusfoodallergy.com/2013/10/09/sweet-halloween-tips-from-jo-frost/

Thank you so much for your blog. I’ve learned so much and really enjoy reading your posts! Ironically, we made your allergen free donut holes last fall, loved them, but that’s how we found out my son was allergic to pumpkin. I did still recommend that recipe to my readers on my FB page last week. We hope that my son will outgrow his pumpkin allergy so we can make them again some day!
Also, it’s so nice to hear from other Christian women like myself. We have a lot in common, and being a Christian is one of them. It’s so hard to find TRUE Christian women in this day and age and it’s refreshing to read your posts and a blessing when you’re not afraid to say you’re a Christian. God Bless you and your family!

My youngest gas a peanut allergy (along with a few other things) and an intolerance to Annatto (a natural yellow food dye that onsets night terrors). I am fearful for my daughter when we are at gatherings with food. People just don’t understand (much like I didn’t understand before my daughter had the allergy). People assume that just because something doesn’t have peanut butter or peanuts that it’s ok. They don’t read the ingredient labels. My number one practical advice is to educate people -especially people who are around your allergy child! For me this means explaining where to look to see if something may contain peanuts and explaining WHY she can’t have it or annotto. I also always have snacks on hand. And I plan in advance if we are going somewhere to eat.

I can tell you thank you from the bottom of my heart. My life turned upside down 2 months before my son was born i ended up in a deep prenatum depression. We decided to treat after he was born if needed. It got severely worse. Life seemed like it was getting better I was healing and my son was growing until 6 months. Once we started adding human food and not just breast milk he changed. No Sleeping at night just crying. I figured it was just a change in him since he was getting older. By the time he was 8 months to a 1 1 /2 i kept telling the doctor something just is not right he is having fits a 2 year old would have he screams bites kicks throws him self of the floor wont eat the list went on. The worst he screamed every night for hours on end I would bounce on a yoga ball most of the night to get him to sleep. Dr’s said he is just growing trying to figure himself out. At a year and half i talked to a nutritionist as I need to get off my anti-depressants I was tired slept what i felt was all day. Because of my Hashitomotes she told me to get off gluten and eat raw dairy if possible. I cut the gluten out and in a week my son was so much better as was I. I got off my meds within 2 months we got up earlier, had more energy ect. I then let him eat milk products like it was going out of style. Little did i realize when he was 8 months old we spent a week in the hospital for what the doctors thought was adneovirus. About 3 and a half weeks ago it started up again back on breathing treatments that made me crazy (all the steriods) a doctor i told i thought maybe he had some sensitivity to dairy told me my son probably had ADHA and Asthma. I thought as a mother I really think you are wrong I cried knowing something else still was going on food wise. The next visit she told me to take him off dairy. I thought at first nothing changed but then it all happened. We had play-dates and he was nice not hitting or biting, and no throwing toys. He is happy and he told us that he was. I think he talks more words. He lets tells us things and is just in general easy to please where before it was just constant fits. He also had diarrhea never changed from what it is when you breast feed. No one ever commented on it but as soon as the dairy was gone it was so much firmer. I just wish I had some doctors that would of helped months ago years ago rather then my battle all alone but thanks to the nutritionist recommending I go off it saved my son and myself. My husband could really benefit too but in time maybe the gluten free doesn’t bother him but giving up milk is hard for him. Sorry for the book but this post hit home for me it has been hard and going to birthday parties and such people just look at you funny but if they only knew.

Oh, ad how could I forget my local support group? 🙂 I’m in a Facebook group with other local parents who have children with food allergies. We share recipes, discuss doctors, and generally encourage one another.

thank you so much! this had me sobbing. i have 3 kids and all 3 of over 50 food allergies. i have them and so does my husband. i could have written this myself. thank you. sometimes to just know that other moms have the same thoughts, the same fears, the same everything makes it better for the moment.

Thank you! This had me in tears and was a real blessing! I have a dear daughter that is 6 and just found out she has about 20 food allergies. She is such a different little girl when she is off of those foods! Now we are going to get more of the family tested.

I needed that. The kids getting the “meanies” when they eat a food they shouldn’t! Its so hard when they aren’t anaphylactic because so many people think you’re making it up! Mine take 48 hours to have a bad response to dairy so its very simple for a grandparent to feed them ice cream on the weekend and not understand why I want to slit my wrists knowing that my child is going to hit/bite/go crazy/get yet another suspension in two days!

How do you know your kid has food allergies and what tests do you get for them? I JUST TODAY told my childrens dr that my kids can’t drink milk (I can’t either) and I don’t do gluten and am thinking that it might help them as youngest just got diagnosed with asthma and my oldest with “seasonal” allergies. I am thinking that BOTH are food related, but not sure how to go about testing for it besides doing an avoidance diet… their dr does not do allergy testing. Any ideas would be helpful! Thanks. BTW, this hit home for ME as most people don’t understand when I say I can’t have gluten. Close friends and family do, but yeah it gets frustrating at times. Thankfully I just think given enough time they will understand, just like they did with the milk.

The past year and a half has been such a learning curve for our family as we’ve learned the steps to this new dance…

We started by removing artificial additives from the whole family’s diet to target one child’s anger/frustration issues (much improvement in just TWO DAYS!)… before we fully got the hang of that, our youngest (at the time) almost fell off the growth curve (after entering the world at the 98%) and was slapped with a label of ‘failure to thrive’… heartbreaking!

Much testing & specialists later, still no answers, so we started experimenting with diet… He is now gluten-free, dairy-free, legume-free, strawberry free… limited oats & corn… limited carbs (yeast issues)… and THRIVING! 😀

Eating out is difficult (friend’s house or restaurant)… VBS was a huge challenge (in fact, I camped out in the kitchen and personally prepared the food for my children with my own ingredients… helping out wasn’t an option). We recently had a baby and friends wanted to bring meals… Needless to say, each friend who brought a meal said something along the lines of how they learned so much… how they don’t know how I do it budget wise nor for meal planning…

Thank you!! My precious baby boy (the youngest of 8) has severe food allergies to peanuts, tree nuts and fish. We just learned that soy is now on the list, as well. It has been an uphill battle all the way. It is terrifying to know that I will not always be able to watch him 24/7 and will have to send him out into the world that can kill him. So thank you for this!! It’s nice to not feel so alone.

Great post! Our middle child is allergic to tree nuts. He ate them just fine and then one day – anaphylactic reaction. It gets so frustrating having to check every label to check for cross contamination and remember to bring the Epi-pens everywhere. I try to be thankful that we only have one allergy to deal with, but it’s still hard. Can’t wait to read tomorrow’s post!

Thankyou!
I have a 2 yo who is also allergic to wheat, dairy and eggs and a whole bunch of other random foods i.e. pear!
Very hard to eat out and be social with other families. Thankyou so much for your post – I needed to hear/read it. Looking out for Part 2!

3 of my 4 kids are allergic to peanuts and tree nuts. The oldest was allergic to dairy as a baby. He is 19 now and eats processed dairy items like cheese on pizza and doritos, things he couldnt’ have eaten when he was 2. However, he still has asthma and things that might improve if he would avoid dairy completely. My other two are school age 5th and 7th and at a new school. It is very frustrating when the teacher/coach has ignored my 3 requests for non-peanut items when she asks for people to bring snacks, etc. I pray for their safety every day and educate them on not eating anything without reading the ingredients and talking to an adult. It has been overwhelming at times. I have always said, I can’t imagine if they were allergic to gluten too. However, my oldest has a stuffy nose all the time and the younger one battles asthma. I wonder if going off gluten would help these other issues?

This totally brought tears to my eyes. My 4yr old has a fatal peanut allergy and asthma–both which have landed us in the ER. My 2 yr is allergic to milk, egg, peanut and sesame and between the 2 of them I live reading food labels and try to navigate through life trying to feed them and keep them alive while trying to like a “normal” life. It’s just not easy! I am thankful that God has blessed me with such amazing girls and that we are not battling something much worse, but it is HARD. It is so refreshing to know that in all of the stress, late night baking for birthday parties and panic attacks before we leave the house that I am not alone. Thank you!!
PS. Awesome easy nut, dairy, and egg-free cupcake recipe–1 can of pumpkin mixed with one box of devils food cake mix! SO easy and they freeze great!

I have been through all of this with my third child. He is one and I am hoping he will outgrow some. Instead of knowing what he is allergic to, I know what he can eat without a reaction. He has 17 foods he can eat directly and I have 70 foods I can eat while I breastfeed him. It took a long time to get to this point. From all the research that I’ve done, we can help support one another but it seems that each person is individualized and what may help one person doesn’t help another. I just think we have to keep working, keep searching for answers, and keep trying our best. I recently stumbled across a website called Gluten Free Vegan Girl which has wonderful recipes. The buckwheat pancakes are phenomenal! I am not a fan of just rice flour or sorghum flour and she has a lot of good ideas for breads and pancakes.

From somebody that has 50 other children in a classroom setting to worry about, it is YOUR responsibility to bring the appropriate snacks or whatever if your child has an allergy. I can’t tell you how many parents try to make me feel guilty because I make one day a pizza-day. Or when it’s OTHER parents responsibility to bring snack and they don’t bring something extra for your child, I get hell. I’m sure your life is difficult but please don’t make mine because I have 50 children to worry about and do not have the time nor finances to plan out 3 or 4 extra things because the parents don’t take responsibilities. I do my best but when parents attack me because I’m supposed to cater to their needs and forget that I have other children and not only cater to their needs but do it on my dime. NO! It’s not fair and it’s rude on your part.

You made me cry.. This is exactly how i feel. I am also included in the gluten, dairy and red meat intolerances along with my kids, and it is just miserable. My 9yr old boy feels left out constantly, and my kindergartener has to remind people every day why she cant have the treats in class. Honestly, I LOATHE the upcoming Holiday season, where every event centers around food, which in turn makes me miserable. It translates into enormous work to provide similar food for my kids. I am happy that I am not alone.

For me the hardest part is no matter how tired I am, no matter how many other things we have to do tonight, no matter how quickly the kids are melting down–I can NEVER hit a drive through on the way home or call out for a pizza. I must suck it up and cook another dinner completely from scratch.
The next hardest part is the constant vigilance at EVERY social function. When did our society decide that no children’s activity could take place without junk food being involved? Even if you’re one of the lucky moms who doesn’t have to rush to the ER because your kid licked the wrong thing, how can it possibly be healthy for your kids to be eating that much pseudo-food every day?

Thank you for posting this. My 9 month old son is allergic to soy and eggs. It’s really tough. I feel sad for him when I think of “normal” things he will miss out on. I’m looking forward to the second post.

Thank you. I am in the midst of an unknown allergy. At my whits end I googled “frustrating being a mom of a child who is allergic” and your blog post came up. The perfect thing to say, just while I am in the thick of it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!

My friend just sent me this link on a day I could really use it and reading it made me weep. My son is severely allergic to peanut (way off the charts severe), tree nuts and peas. Also very allergic to dairy, eggs, wheat and soy. He’s also very mildly allergic to tomatoes, garlic, carrots and corn so we let him those last few in small amounts. While this is hard each and every day, I am especially on edge (and BUSY) from about Halloween until Christmas, staying up late baking homemade everything, not relaxing and social gathering after social gathering because of all the little children running around with dangerous weapons in their hands, like sugar cookies with frosting. I needed to hear someone who “gets it” today! thank you!

This is my story. It is relatively new for me. I am allergic to nuts but it is a slow reaction. I can catch it in time with an antihistamines and I’m already on steroids for my lupus. More recently I had to go off dairy for my 2nd baby. Her vomiting got better and then got worse. I cut out soy and No problems since. And now we begin the journey of introducing solids.
Christmas was not easy. We spent 2 1/2 weeks with my mum who has noooooo idea.
Going to functions is dreadful even when you have told them, well in advance.
Yes, it is a tough journey. But, in order to stay healthy and alive, it needs to be done.
It was difficult at first, dairy and soy is in so much stuff. And if it doesn’t have those it has nuts. I rarely drink tea now. I have found an alternative coconut based ice cream and I make my own raw chocolate. This journey started out to save my daughter from digestive problems but has turned into a massive health journey. I lost 7kg in 4weeks because I couldn’t eat most foods.i only put on 1kg over the Christmas/new year break and I’m feeling so much better for the change.

lol I just re-read this and I was scrolling through the comments I saw a comment I had made in October of last year. Now we are trying to get our daughters off of gluten as their symptoms (especially the older one) are getting worse. My 4 yo now complains of stomach ache EVERY day. I am not sure what to do, but this had me in tears as we are going to our nephews birthday party this weekend and my sister in law said she felt like the bad auntie who couldn’t give her neices any birthday cake. So I will be baking cupcakes tomorrow or taking cupcake mix (that is of course GF) with me. I have added food to our list of packing supplies… I have to make sure all 3 of us can eat when we are out and it is difficult. I am still trying to figure out where to take them to get allergy testing done… we will see what happens. Thanks for letting me vent.

I so needed to read this tonight. My daughter is soy free, gluten free and dairy free. Soy is the big one for her and it is in everything. She used some lotion tonight and it burned her hands–it has soy in it. She’s new to this (since January) and simply forgot to ask. I hadn’t gotten around to reading that label yet and labeling it safe/unsafe for her. I’m very stressed with this process even though I have 16+ years experience with food allergies. If it was just gluten and dairy, I could handle it better but the soy, which is the worst, is overwhelming me. I know she’s already feeling better so my efforts are being greatly rewarded and I do take comfort in the fact that she doesn’t have an anaphylactic nut allergy.

Wow….thanks for those words. This past month has been the most intense, my youngest daughter has had a severe asthma attack from our dishwasher running, and then 3 weeks later an anaphylactic allergic reaction which required an epipen and ambulance ride. All 3 kids have severe allergies and asthma and eczema. And I’ve been incredibly discontent with the lot I’ve been given as I watch other moms complain over how hard their kids are to take care of. But, this is the lot I’ve been given so only I get to access the grace for it. This is one area where I have not sought out God for help very much. And I desperately need Him. My children are wonderful and I want to provide the best for them in every way, so if that means I need to work extra hard to do so, I pray that I will seek Gods help to do so. Thanks for being real and honest and starting this series.

Find a licensed NAET practioner near you. Quackwatch skewers it but it totally worked for me. I had horrible reactions to gluten and dairy, and since I was treated by NAET, they have been totally cleared and I can eat them with zero consequences. No kidding! Check it out on YouTube–World’s Most Allergic Child and google.

Great to hear such words. I have a daughter who has been suffering for 6 years now…don’t know when another attack comes!!she is always sick.society is indifferent towards my child.they simply don’t care.

May I ask what venue you took to find out what food intolerances your child has?
There seems to be so much out there I don’t know where to start. Tired of my son being sick. Though it’s not all the time, when he is-it seems barely a couple of weeks passed before he’s sick again…I KNOW there’s something going on that maybe I can help him. Thank you so much!

Mine are intolerant to gluten and sensitive to dairy. At one point, though, our oldest had to refrain from a bunch of other foods–including eggs for 3 years. We had the IgG/IgA blood testing done on her and my second, but their pediatrician said the most accurate results are through an elimination diet. I am convinced our second’s health issues her first year of life–ear infections and lots of respiratory stuff and just overall low immune system–were from dairy. Once we took her off of dairy, she has been fine.

Thank you! My son can’t have artificial dyes and most people just do not get it, or they think it just makes him “a little hyper,” or that his kinda-crunchy mama and GeeGee are just being weird! I’m allergic to tomatoes, avocados, and most fruit. It takes a long time for me to buy groceries or choose something at a new restaurant!

I’m going to *try* to organize my thoughts here! I did not know that you have gf children!
I have three daughters as well. The first has sensory issues, so we have food issues there.

My second and third daughters are gf. I get it! I get what you are saying!
There are two places we can eat at safely in our neck of the woods. We have tried other places and they just get glutened. So, of course, we do not eat out except for those two places. At least we have that, right?

Since their diagnosis, I know why God made me a chef in my younger, kid-free life. He was just preparing me. It all works out in the end. It has even helped my mother. She has gone gf because of my children, and that has helped her tremendously.

By the way, we just traveled through Europe. As a whole, the attitude was so different about gf/celiac. Would you believe that Italy was the best about celiac? They test every child for celiac! We went to places that advertised or were certified gf. ( I should explain, not every thing on the menu would be gf, but if you ordered something gf, there were no issues). They take it very, very seriously. We even had two places very kindly turn us away as they didn’t want to get the children sick.

Just stumbled across this article and it made me cry. I’m not a mother, I’m actually the daughter who has the countless allergies and my mother is so amazing. I’m going to share this with her, for sure. I have trouble standing up for myself at a restaurant when I bring up my throat swelling parsley allergy and get attitude from the waiters and a meal covered in parsley. My mom always steps up and gives fierce mama bear attitude right back.

To all the mothers out there, from a child, it means the world. Hang in there. <3

First of let me just say THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for sharing this… I could have easily written that list myself because we have done ALL the above and more… Multiple allergies… Most just don’t understand because they haven’t been there…

I am FOREVER being compared to Martha Stewart… Simply because I find every way I can to include my daughter in what everyone else is eating… From Cauliflower “cheese” and hand made dough and sauce for her pizza to cupcakes without a HUGE list of “unsafes”… You know you have lived this too long when you 3 year old comes to you to ask “yes, it safe Mommy? or no?”

and then when you see the flushed cheeks and bloated tummy… having the bucket on the ready next to their bed (which is right next to yours “Just in case” she doesn’t wake up and sit up before getting sick), and running for the med box in the hopes of preventing the worst parts of the reaction from happening… and praying it will work this time… rushing to the ER on the times where it doesn’t… praying to God that nothing worse happens on the way to the ER…

I would not wish this on ANY family… But I DO wish that more people were at least willing to TRY to understand…

Both my kids are gluten intolerant. I discovers it after my son developed an autoimmune disease. He also cannot have dairy. My daughter is also allergic to nuts. By far, going gluten free has been the hardest when it comes to my family. Only one of my sisters and her family get it and have been supportive and accommodating. The rest are indifferent and don’t want to be bothered and that is the most painful thing for us. I used to love the holidays and now I feel nothing but dread and anxiety about them. Trying hard to stay positive and not be bitter. Thank you for the support!

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Grace-Filled,Healthy Homemaking

I’m Erin. Follower of Jesus. Wife to Will. Mommy to a lovely trio of redheaded girls and one sweet baby boy. Professional dreamer. Drinker of chai tea and peppermint mochas. Recovering overwhelmed homemaker. I’m here to encourage, educate, and empower you to live a grace-filled, natural life. Won’t you join me?