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Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Top 10 Things to Say to Someone in your Zumba Spot

We've all been there. Here are 10 ways to handle someone standing in your spot. I recommend printing a copy for your gym bag. :)

1. You must not be from around here. Let me show you around. We have some lovely vacant land over here by the fan.

2. Don't say a word. Just stand RIGHT next to her. Avoid eye contact until she moves away.)

3. Oh, I actually have to use this spot. You see, I have this vision disease where I have to stand exactly this distance from the instructor. I'm sure you understand.

4. You don't want to stand there. Big Mike stands over here and sweats all over the place. In fact, I'll take this spot to make sure no one else gets stuck here.

5. (Send someone else over. Have him say, "You see that lady over there? This is her spot. I just wanted to wish you good luck." During this exchange, run your thumb across your neck in a threatening manner while staring in their direction.)

6. Oh good, someone else is in the demo spot for a change. I'm sure you'll be great at helping the instructor teach the moves. You know how to do one of those handstand twerk things, right?

7. Wow, no one has been brave enough to stand THERE since the ceiling collapse incident of 2014. I mean, I'm sure you'll be fine.

8. (Walk toward him snapping your fingers as to start a dance battle, West Side Story-style. If he stands his ground until you get there, try some leaping kicks into the wind.)

9. I'm sorry, but I actually purchased this spot last year. Got a great deal in a foreclosure. I can grab the deed if you'd like to see it.

10. Hi. My name is so-and-so. I'm a creature of habit and come to class every week, and really like standing in this spot. Would you mind moving over a few steps? I appreciate it! (...that's right, the nice and normal approach just might work!)

1 comment:

Ah! The eternal struggle of defending your spot in Zumba class. Let me tell you about the infamous "San Diego Black Thursday Zumba Incident" of 2015 . . . It was another typical, beautiful San Diego, California Summer Thursday afternoon and I was enjoying our warm-up set in Zumba class. I was in my "perfect" spot (left side kinda near the center, second row) when a lady came in 20 minutes late and took my spot during our water break. When everyone came back onto the floor, I gently but firmly informed her this was my spot. Her response tripped my logic circuits, "I just started Zumba and I can see the instructor really good from here." Well, how can I argue with that logic? I said, "You're right. That’s why I came 20 minutes early so I could see the instructor really good". She began getting flustered and stammered out "Oh! I was busy and I got here when I could." As a guy, I hate being in this position. Whatever I say or do will be a "lose-lose" proposition. I was about to to tell the lady to enjoy the spot and the lesson in my best snarky voice when one of my fellow zumbees from the fourth row, a really nice retired lady from the East Coast, came to my rescue and said in a classic New York voice, "Hey Blondie! He was here first!" Miss Peroxide turned around to face this new threat and actually glared at the lady as only a stuck up California Princess with an overly active entitlement gland could. She then suddenly snapped her head to the right, her poorly bleached tresses fluttering in the breeze provided by the grossly underpowered and overworked studio fan, and stormed out of class--Exit Stage Right!! The snickering and tee-heeing would have done a high school class proud. Our Zumba Instructor stared in disbelief and proceeded to que up her iPhone. The music and class resumed, the bitter little drama slowly receding in the din of a Daddy Yankee song.