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>> Friday, April 15, 2011

A worried patient pressed the doctor about his diagnosis. “Are you sure it’s pneumonia?” he asked. “I’ve heard of cases where a doctor treated a patient for pneumonia, and the patient died from something else.” “Don’t worry,” the doctor assured him. “When I treat a patient for pneumonia, he dies of pneumonia.”

A fellow went to the doctor for a physical examination. The doctor found him fit as a fiddle … with no sign of any ailments. But when the man left the office, he dropped dead right outside the door. The nurse hurried in and told the doctor, “That man you just examined fell dead on his way out. What shall we do?” The doctor replied, “Go turn him around so it looks like he was coming in.”

The doctor was making a house call. His patient said, “It’s mighty nice of you to come all the way out here to see me.” “Oh, don’t mention it,” replied the doctor. “I had another patient in this part of town, so I decided to kill two birds with one stone.”

A doctor, a minister and a lawyer huddled together in a tiny lifeboat. The water around them was filled with sharks. Suddenly the lifeboat began to fill with water. As they furiously bailed, they noticed a sign that read: “Maximum capacity two persons.” They decided to draw straws to see who would jump overboard. The lawyer drew the short straw and promptly jumped into the water. As he swam away, the sharks didn’t attack … instead they drew back to make a path for him. Amazed, the doctor turned to the minister and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!” “That’s no miracle,” responded the minister. “Just professional courtesy.”

Following a fender-bender, the teenaged driver pointed to the damage and said, “Great news, Dad. You haven’t been pouring those insurance payments down the drain after all.”

The trouble with always being on time is that nobody else is there to appreciate it.