Tuesday, December 2, 2014

WARNING! From this
point onward, the following reviews will consist of using heavy
profanity. It is advised not to proceed past this point unless you are
18 years of age or older. Profanity will be used to express personal
opinions only, so there can be no one responsible if anyone is greatly
offended because you have been warned. If you can handle profanity and
you're ready to proceed, by all means do so.

"I used to wonder what friendship could be; until I surpassed those who first showed it to me."

- Russet Burbanks, Fanfiction.net

You know, people, if it's one thing I've learned about the human race, it's this. As a whole, people are stupid, gullible, naive, selfish, greedy, and a whole bunch of other things that threaten to kill us all off, every last one. People have no respect for animals, no respect for the environment, and no respect for life whatsoever. They have no knowledge of what really matters in this world. And thanks to fucking politics, doing the right thing and trying to bring order and justice is illegal. And sadly, sometimes even fiction portrays this as well, going to show that what humans do is just wrong, but who gives two shits, right? Well, for allowing humans to take their rage out on innocent society, there's the film The Purge. For everything else, there's the episode "Leap of Faith".

It's bad enough that the dumb and dumber Flim Flam brothers return to try their hand at getting rich by being dishonest, but what makes it worse is that they somehow manage to appeal to the Ponyville crowd! Fucking hello?! Didn't these two dweebazoids leave their mark in Ponyville once before by ousting Sweet Apple Acres?! Now granted it was luck that the farm wasn't taken over and everyone didn't see the importance of the Apple family until they lost that bet, but do me a favor and answer this. Didn't Flim and Flam learn their lesson the last time? Or rather, the more important question is, did Ponyville learn their lesson the last time?! Well, let's see if we can figure something out. This is "Leap of Faith".

The Apple family is playing around in a watering hole and Granny Smith, remembering a high dive that somehow resulted in injuries that lasted several years, isn't so keen on joining them.

Next, their ears take them to a tent where...

Oh... GOD!! It's those annoying Flim Flam brothers who ruined everything with their record-holding longest song in the series!

And of course, the sad thing is that only Applejack and Big Mac seem to remember just how God-awful those two swindlers were.

Well, what have they got this time?

I'm sorry, cock-sucking bronies, but these Flim Flam songs are fucking awful! They were terrible in that cider episode and they're terrible again in this episode! And this one is like saying...

So they have this curative tonic and of course claim that it's a miracle worker that can even rejuvenate ponies and here's what should have made bronies instantly hate this episode.

Granny Smith, who put her farm at risk just because she foolishly believed that man beats machine, is the first to be suckered into Flim and Flam's do-nothing product. Really?! Does this senile old mule even recognize the Flim Flam brothers?! Did she learn nothing from her last encounter with these bastards?!

Ah, yes... Continuity! We butt-fuck it to make new episodes work!

So now Granny Smith shows off her swimming abilities that she once had, claiming that the tonic somehow cured her fear. Applejack and Apple Bloom decide to investigate, but they recognize a pony from before named Silver Shill and discover that he's acting for Flim and Flam, even saying that he learned that no one got rich by being honest.

And this can easily be said for the world. People just use their charm to get rich. No one cares if they have skills, effort, or anything. They just go for the looks! And this is true in politics and fame, but at least the more popular media world is more honest.

But the big, bad salesponies Flim and Flam are not about to be busted. They slyly convince Applejack to keep the contents of their tonic, apples and beet leaves, a complete secret from the rest of her family and Ponyville, claiming that if the truth came out, Granny would be gravely disappointed. After all, how can Applejack possibly explain Granny being fit again?

Well, it just so happens that Granny is now intoxicated on the tonic and enters a swimming competition with Apple Bloom as her partner. And after a series of synchronized swimming, they take home the gold, while Flim and Flam milk their credit for the tonic.

Even Silver Shill thanks Applejack personally for teaching him that dishonesty is the key to survival, which it probably is in this world.

But eventually, Applejack has had enough. She reveals that the tonic isn't magic... just as Silver Shill points out that Granny Smith is about to make her leap of faith. Or rather, a leap of death.

Because Granny Smith is hooked on tonics, she stupidly believes that she's invincible and attempts a high dive... into a pan of water?! You gotta be kidding! That's the size of a water bowl that my cat drinks from! Granny Smith is committing suicide! Save her, Supermare!

Okay, so what Flim and Flam are promoting with their product is to encourage ponies to do dangerous stunts and believe the ground is soft from fifty feet up?! How come no one in Ponyville ever catches on?! And why is everyone excited that Granny Smith is about to kill herself?! Good God, no one in Ponyville cares about life, this episode and series is so fucking bad!

Anyway, Applejack saves Granny Smith and finally fesses up about the tonic and so does Silver Shill.

Applejack: Believin' in somethin' can help you do amazin' things.
But if that belief is based on a lie, eventually it's gonna lead to
real trouble.

And as thanks, Silver Shill gives Applejack a bit that is obviously the fifth key to that... crystal box thingy.

Granny Smith: I just can't believe those two salesponies had me believin' I could near fly!

You can't believe...!! You should have your face plastered all over the phrase "There's a sucker born every minute"! I can't believe you're still running Sweet Apple Acres! Go back to selling your tree sap!

So Flim and Flam get away and Applejack writes down her lesson, which includes a hardcore fact from real life.

You bet your horse's ass they don't care! It's like I said at the beginning. People just want money! That's all that matters to them!

Big money-making companies such as Disney may have good reasons that money is their number one, even it relates to corporate greed, but an individual human will want money more than anything just to survive in this dark, harsh, cruel, and unforgiving world we live in! And as living proof, even shown in a kids' cartoon, look no further than this episode.

While it's not as bad as the cider episode from Season 2 and it's nice to see that Granny Smith is still kicking, I just have to consider "Leap of Faith" as a God-awful episode, and maybe one of the worst episodes in the season. The thing that really makes it bad is that Granny Smith and all of Ponyville just don't seem to remember the antics caused by the Flim Flam brothers and what do you think that's supposed to tell us? It certainly doesn't add anything to the series and when you think a character is smarter than this, it just pisses us off to see just how dumb that character can be. Now I'm not gonna hold anything against Granny Smith for this, but she does come awfully close to being far worse off than those two bumbleheads.