They start young

They’re not taught explicitly about sex at that age, but instead are introduced to ideas like romantic love, intimacy, and awareness about their own and other people’s bodies. The curriculum advances for every year that the kids are school, with age-appropriate adjustments along the way.

In the United States, the start of sex ed varies from state to state but most students receive at least one course between grades six and 12. (I know that I got a lesson about puberty in fourth grade, and one sex ed class per year from sixth to 12th grade. And I went to school in a pretty progressive state, but no one was promoting sex ed for kindergarteners).

They focus on consent — and pleasure

While American sexual education tends to be very technical — what goes where and how it makes a baby or gives you a disease — Dutch sex ed puts a big emphasis on consent and pleasure.

Children are taught how to set boundaries, how to say “no,” and how to advocate for what feels good for them.

In later years, girls are taught to take an active role in their own sex lives, rather than be passive participants.

Instead of focusing solely on all of the nasty things that can happen when you have sex, the Dutch focus on the great things as well.

They talk about gender identity and sexuality

In some states in the US — like Utah — it’s illegal for sex educators to “promote homosexuality.” That includes talking about any kind of queer identity in sex education class.

In the Netherlands, however, they talk freely and frankly about the fact that some people feel romantic and sexual attraction for people of their same gender and how that’s entirely okay.

These are just three points that emphasize how vast a difference sex ed is in the Netherlands compared to what we’ve gotten in the United States. And the numbers don’t lie — being honest and direct and sex positive with children and teens leads to better results.