Cows ‘better off on benefits’ after milk price cut

Cows have claimed they can no longer afford to spend their time grazing and lactating, after the price paid for their milk was cut by 2 pence a litre.

Farmers blockading dairies in support of the cows have warned that traditional employment for cattle is fast drying up. Most calves no longer see a future in the grass consumption industry, the chance to make ‘a quick buck’ in the beef trade being too much for many to resist.

City analysts aren’t sure what all the fuss is about, or why expensive cows need to be employed in the modern dairy industry. But a Friesian spokescow claimed that cutting costs further was impossible; ‘Grass doesn’t grow on trees’ she insisted.