You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns when it can manage to in these troubled Trumpian times. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. For a take on what a blog by me would be like, check out OLDNERD.

May 12th

Memo to Nancy Gordeuk, Nancy Gordeuk, and Nancy Gordeuk: IMPRESSIVE WAY TO HIT THE TRIFECTA.

Normally, to take all three slots in a week's IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS, you have to be a very awful person in a pretty high position of power or potential power and fuck up in a series of increasingly hilarious ways. Our candidate this week only qualifies for the third category, but what she lacks in breadth she makes up for in pure style.

"You people are bein’ so rude to not listen to this speech. It was my fault that we missed it in the program. Look who’s leavin’, all the black people.” - Nancy Gordeuk, principal of a Stone Mountain, GA magnet school, caught on video freaking out at a graduation ceremony.

It's important to know two things about the video that captured this statement. First, it was recorded by someone who'd already seen Gordeuk act weird and harsh during the ceremony, and that's why they decided to start filming. And second, when you watch the video, it's filmed by a black person, surrounded by other black people, none of whom are the ones leaving.

So not only is saying "all the black people" unnecessarily and gratuitously racist, it wasn't even accurate. Even if the only people leaving were African-American (which I don't know) and even if it were a good idea to point that out (which it wasn't), the principal of a magnet school should know the difference between "everyone leaving is black" and "everyone black is leaving". Even in Stone Mountain, GA.

"My side is, I'm not a racist. I didn’t know ‘black people’ was a racist term. I didn’t say the N-word or anything like that ‘cause that’s not in my vocabulary... So I made a statement. It wasn’t a racist remark. Anybody that knows me knows my heart is with these kids. People always think the worst. You know, oh you say the word 'black,' you know, was I supposed to say ‘African American?’ Were they all born in Africa? No, they’re Americans. And, they live here. And, but just, I’m not a racist."

And while we're talking about failures of the American educational system, I need to point out yet again that we have done an AWFUL job of teaching America's racists what racism is. I mean, again, principal of a magnet school. Ought to know how it works. If you're going to yell at a group of people and imply that their rude behavior is somehow tied to their ethnicity, it doesn't matter what term you use for them. That's racism. Whether we know you or not.

Also, I hate to tell you this, but in my experience, there's pretty much only one type of white person who gets cranky about the literal meaning of the term "African-American", and goes out of their way to bring it up when they think they might be in trouble for not using whatever word "those people" want white people to call them now. I'll give you a hint. It rhymes with "bassist".

"A terrible mistake on my part of the graduation ceremony on Friday night. The devil was in the house and came out from my mouth. I deeply apologize for my racist comment and hope that forgiveness is in your hearts.” - Nancy Gordeuk, presumably after a stern talking-to, still managing to make the trifecta with this awesome apology.

Once again, I need to point out that as an atheist, my grasp of theology is shaky at best. But who are we supposed to be forgiving here? Do we forgive the devil, for coming out of her mouth? That seems unwise. Should we forgive her for something the devil did? That seems unnecessary. Also, if the devil came out of her mouth, did it follow her to the place she gave the interview the second quote came from? Does the devil really enjoy her mouth?

At the end of the day, this isn't a real issue. Gordeuk has been publicly shamed for being a stupid racist, and being caught on camera idly tossing out one of the ingrained stereotypes living in a racist culture puts in all of our brains. But for fuck's sake, own it. Learn why it's racist, stop defending it, and stop blaming ORAL SATAN when it's much more plausible that you've got some ingrained shit in your brain you need to work out or at least practice not saying.