Parent rap: The nitty-gritty of early childhood

Author Paul Stankus reads from his book "Hapless Papa, Elbow Shakes & Stories of a Sleep-Deprived Fatherhood" at the Rockville library.

Paul Stankus once had to offer up an elbow instead of a hand to shake because his hands were covered in baby pee. The Rockville resident had just survived a harrowing change of his infant son's diaper during a wedding rehearsal dinner, and had not had time to wash his hands before being introduced to someone.

This story, along with many others that are both funny and heartwarming, make up Stankus' first book, "Hapless Papa, Elbow Shakes & Stories of a Sleep-Deprived Fatherhood."

The book consists of short essays about fatherhood that Stankus penned entirely on the Metro during his daily commute from Shady Grove to Dupont Circle. It begins one month before baby Alex's birth, prompted by the dad-to-be's putting his head to his wife Candice's belly to listen for the baby's heartbeat. Instead, he received a swift kick to the head.

"Not even born yet, and the kid is already walking all over me," Stankus writes.

He goes on to essays written periodically during Alex's first two years. There is the frantic exchange of all the pink baby clothes for blue one when the couple learns they have a son, not a daughter. Sonograms had proved inconclusive, but Candice was convinced it was a girl.

He proceeds to address getting the baby to sleep, managing work and childcare, and purchasing just the right baby gear.

"All first-time parents," Stankus writes, "secretly fear that they are going to do something to irrevocably screw up their children – and that fear drives us to purchase things that in saner, more restful times, we would completely shun and discard."

The many books about parenthood that Stankus read before Alex's birth didn't prepare him for all the challenges he would encounter.

"The books can only tell you so much," he says.

Every child and every situation is unique, so there is no one right way to do something, he points out. For example, the bathroom exhaust fan turned out to be what calmed Alex on his first night home from the hospital.

The author wrote the book primarily for his son to enjoy in his later years, but says he'll be thrilled if his words enrich even one other person. Many parents have told him they wished they had recorded their children's early years in similar fashion.

Stankus, who works for an educational agency, began writing tidbits as updates for his friends. They enjoyed the stories and asked for more, and he obliged them.

"They [my friends] became like deadline editors," he says.

Prior to the book, Stankus had dabbled in writing poetry and short stories. He even used to leave copies of his poems, written under the pen name Pavil, in nooks of various coffee shops around the metropolitan area, hoping they would be discovered.

"But this is the first real full-time project I've put together," he says.

Stankus went through seven drafts of the text before he decided to produce his book with PublishAmerica, and did an additional eight drafts before the printing.

He is working on a second book that will cover his son between ages 2 and 4. As Alex is only 3, the book is not yet finished.

Stankus says he has no immediate plans to have another child.

"I can barely keep up with the one I have," he says with a laugh.

Of parenthood, he observes, he was "overconfident" going into it and "under-confident" once he became a father.

He is clearly cherishing the childhood years.

"Every day is a brand new adventure," he says.

Signed copies of "Hapless Papa, Elbow Shakes & Stories of a Sleep-Deprived Fatherhood" are available for purchase at the VisArts at Rockville, 155 Gibbs St., Suite 300. The book also may be purchased in regular format or Kindle format at www.amazon.com.