Budweiser, champion once again

It’s been a while since Budweiser has been high on anyone’s list. The brand still sells strong but I believe that’s just force of habit on the part of many beer vendors and drinkers. As the symbol of mega-brewers, Budweiser has been on craft beer lovers’ shit list for a long time. Then, after the take-over by Belgium-based Inbev, the brand that had stood as the flagship for one of America’s few remaining great companies was suddenly the object of, at best, indifference, at worst, hatred of many US drinkers.

But now, the once proud brand has risen to the top again. This time it was in a totally blind, completely impartial taste test.

Now, now, stop your yawning. You are probably assuming that this is one of those corporate run contests designed to produce a particular result skewed toward a marketing goal. It wasn’t. I assure you, this contest was completely independent. Okay, I hear you say, in that case it must be that the judges were bribed or otherwise tampered with. Again, not so.

I can say with complete confidence that these judges are above – well, below – bribing, tampering, victimization or even basic brand awareness. That’s because these judges were slugs.

Yes, slugs prefer Budweiser in margins that resemble dentists in most Crest ads.

The competition was among Budweiser, Rolling Rock, Guinness, Moosehead and Corona and was carried out in Kathryn Olmstead’s garden. Over the course of a few nights’ study, Olmstead determined that slugs prefer to drown themselves in Budweiser in numbers that beat all the other beers combined.

Because a) slugs can’t talk and b) they’re dead, it’s impossible to say if they actually prefer the taste of Budweiser or after tasting the pale lager they felt that there was no longer a reason to live. Whichever the case, if you want to satisfy the slugs in your garden, its time to return to the King of Beers!