Just don't tell the health visitor!!!!

Carole H(74)

Posted on 24-11-2011 at 4.53PM

How many times have I heard this phrase??!!

I was at a baby group today and we were talking about habits our little ones had. I said I co-slept with my son when he was little (he wouldn't sleep) and my daughter has slept on the front since she was born (but she could lift her head and move it so I thought she was fine). The other mums asked me what my health visitor said and did she have a go at me. I said "I didn't tell her!"

Then some body else said that they do what they like with their baby, as they are the mother but just don't tell the health visitor. I don't remember my health visitor talking down to me at all but I just didn't want to be told I was doing it wrong. I knew the risks of what I was doing so I knew they wouldn't agree with me but it was my choice.

So everybody, what have you done with your LO that you thought you better not tell the health visitor?!

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Charlene G(22)

Posted on 24-11-2011 at 5.00PM

My wee one is nearly three now, but as a baby would settle to sleep in my arms before being put down. I heard all the "rod for your own back" and "bad habits" lectures. At two, she decided to toddle to bed on her own and doesn't need cuddles to sleep. We never had a problem with it, she's a fantastic sleeper.

Also when she was 7/8 months I was eating toast and peanut butter and gave her some. Then realised my hv had said no peanut products till a year old. She was fine and still loves peanut butter.

There's a few more, but I'm a good mum really lol

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Vicki B(172)

Posted on 24-11-2011 at 5.05PM

I weaned DS at just under 4 months, because he had a huge appetite. A few people gasped when I told them that, and then they saw the size of him, he's always been a big boy. It's done him absolutely no harm, and he's always had a varied diet.

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olivia l(21)

Posted on 24-11-2011 at 5.08PM

i don't tell her things all the time.

i let her believe my dogs are always in the hallway and never in the lving room when the baby is in there

i tell her my daughter sleeps in her crib all the time.. she regularly (sp) sleeps in our bed.

when i was pregnant i told her i didn't have any caffeine (i drank copious (sp) amounts of tea)

i let her believe i don't tidy before she comes:D i bloody scrub the place lol

if it was something importnant i would tell her.. but i CBA with her telling me im wrong.. im her mum.. ill decide

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Suzanne S(139)

Posted on 24-11-2011 at 5.11PM

What health visitor?! My ds is almost four and I've never seen one, I called them once and was told they would call me back - that was about a year ago and I'm still waiting! They wouldn't agree with most things I do but I've got a healthy, happy wee boy! x

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belinda w(50)

Posted on 24-11-2011 at 5.13PM

My lo sleeps on his front before this he slept with me. I'd never tell my hv this. But she did say to me that some babies 'just prefer being on their tummy'

What health visitor?! My ds is almost four and I've never seen one, I called them once and was told they would call me back - that was about a year ago and I'm still waiting! They wouldn't agree with most things I do but I've got a healthy, happy wee boy! x

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I seen the HV before I left hospital.. And then... Well never!! Ha was asked by friends how Lucas got on with his 6mnths 12months 18months and 24 months assessments and I'm like ""what assessments?!""

Apparently HV should visit at these ages? Never seen one in the entire time he's been here and he is 3 on jan 8th xx

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Annabel J(16)

Posted on 24-11-2011 at 5.21PM

For the first couple of weeks my LO slept on a pillow in my bed or on my chest whilst I sat up on the sofa or in bed. I thought it must be quite horrible for a new born to go from being nice and comfy curled up in our tummies to being laid on their backs on a flat moses mattress.

I also fed from my left breast most of the time and pumped from my right. I'm sure the health visitor would have told be I should be using both evenly.

I have had a few different health visitors due to the fact that I have moved several times over the years. The second one I had, I told her my son liked eating the dog biscuits (even though I kept taking them off him!). She was completely horrified and said that it was disgusting. So after that I just didn't tell her the little things. With other health visitors, I have asked for advice but when my daughter was born and the health visitor directly asked me "Now she is sleeping on her back in her cot, feet to bottom of cot?" I replied yes but actually she slept in my bed sometimes as I would lay on my side breastfeeding and fall asleep, then when I did put her in her cot she would be on her front. Like a pp has said, anything important I would tell her but my children are happy and thriving so all she needs to know is that they are good.

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charlotte m(351)

Posted on 24-11-2011 at 5.36PM

I think I have must have a real rarity of a health visitor, she's only ever tried to be helpful and although she has to push the current guidelines she doesn't get too hung up about them. I think maybe its because she's a bit older and recognises that guidelines come and go, and so long as you aren't doing anything horrific or dangerous it'll all come right in the end.

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Alison N(67)

Posted on 24-11-2011 at 5.46PM

Charlotte's right. HVs are there to offer ADVICE and it is just that. You don't have to follow it but you should at least make an informed decision ie know the risks/facts. If you still want to go ahead then that's up to you as a parent.

I work in NHS for School Nurses now but I did do a stint with the HVs (just doing their admin) and both were very patient lovely people. They understand that people are human but have been given guidance to follow and are duty bound to share that advice. It might come across as preachy but most of them are just doing their job.

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Carole H(74)

Posted on 24-11-2011 at 6.04PM

I know they are just doing their job and didn't say anything bad about them. Certain health visitors have told me that due to guidelines they aren't allowed to tell me that what I have done was right (on other things) but it was up to me. When I spoke to my current health visitor about this she said that babies used to be laid on their side to go to sleep and the guidelines have changed over the years so there isn't any definate 'right' or 'wrong' way.

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Jo M(508)

Posted on 24-11-2011 at 6.14PM

I have a lovely HV who just says whatever I'm doing is the right thing as he's my baby so my decisions, I think I'm quite lucky really x

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HAYLEY B(25)

Posted on 24-11-2011 at 6.22PM

i dont tell them anything unless they ask. my baby, my choice.

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vicky r(136)

Posted on 24-11-2011 at 9.47PM

anything i have told my health visitor she has told me to the opposite prime examples are

when ds2 was few weeks old and feeding every 3 hrs she told me to stall him to make it 4 hrs by occupying him like taking him for a drive during the night for an hour , considering she knew i had a 5yr old and a partner abroad she suggested i wake 5 yr old and bring him too

recently i have been rather ill so she called out to "help" her advise was

let the kids run through the house and do whatever they want only intervene if touching something extremely dangerous while i sit or lie on sofa

dont make sandwiches for a long car drive or day out just give them crisps as it is still food

stop cooking meals for them just do micro chips and micro pizza , i said my son would refuse that if given every night she said then let him go without and he will eat the next day

not to do as much housework as my house is too clean

and the best one of all was that she wants to speak to doctor to refer my 6yr old to psychologist for separation issues as he cried when i was taken into hospital !!!

needless to say i dont think i will be having her back again

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Ally S(9)

Posted on 24-11-2011 at 9.55PM

I've done exactly what I like with my son that enables us all to flourish and get along within the family, and if the health visitor asked, I would tell her what we do whether it's in the rules or not!

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Nina J(208)

Posted on 24-11-2011 at 10.01PM

the last time i saw my hv was when dd was 3months old she is now 2yrs

reasons i just cannot be bothered with the lectures every 5mins. they are my children i will not be told how to bring them up. i have co slept with them all, ds1 was on food by 16weeks he is now 5yrs and is fine (apart from aspergers but im sure the food didnt cause that), ds2 was fed at 17weeks again he is fine dd on the other hand didnt eat food until 12months as she didnt want any

i just tell her nothing and have no reason to see her she is due at my home on 12th dec for dd 2yr check up so im sure she will have lots to say

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Louise (1126)

Posted on 24-11-2011 at 10.08PM

i weaned my second daughter at 3months, she needed it tho she was (and still is :lol:) a huge eater, it did her the world of good she was satisfied at meal times, she had a 12oz bottle then some baby porridge after and loved it.Trust your instincts, tbh i didnt listen to my health visitor and my baby is still here nearly 7yrs later xx

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Nicola B(331)

Posted on 24-11-2011 at 10.09PM

I have to say my hv for my youngest was fantastic. She was the breast feeding expert on the team and fully supportive. She was fully supportive of my co-sleeping and even suggested it might help settle my lo who had reflux. It wascthe hv who picked up on the reflux and offered to ring the gp when he didn't take it seriously at first. When my lo's weight dropped off, she came out every week/fortnight to weigh him, encouraged early weaning and helped me to continue breast feeding when I returned to work.

She is the third different hv I have had and each one has been supportive and encouraging. Such a shame other people don't have my experiences.

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rachael g(133)

Posted on 24-11-2011 at 10.10PM

in my opinion hvs are nosey intefering busy bodies and on a main part (from my experiance) are a total waste of nhs money. they only advice according to the "textbooks" and not look at each child as an individual and would dare deviate from the textbook.

Ive had some pretty crappy advice with my eldest. ive seen the ones round here twice and thats ample for me. theyve said about coming over when my baby is around 4months old to disguss weaning, yeah like i dont know what to do, never done it before. god knows how my eldest is eating now lol. They wont be coming. Do things my way. hate people interfering