According to Wikipedia, 39 year old humorist, cat-lover, and Flight Commander David Thorne is Australian. Also according to Wikipedia, his work has been featured on "the BBC, The Late Show with David Letterman, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, and Late Night with Conan O'Brien." This is true. It is also true that he once walked the complete surface of the moon in under an hour, regularly torches his vehicle every eleven months, and sometimes pretends he is a baby monkey. However, many of the people who read his New York Times best-selling book, especially people from West Virginia, have concluded that "it is obviously that he is a foggot." This is a lie because if he were an Eskimo, he would build his igloo next to a supermarket or on a tropical beach.

Ignorant practioner of medieval metaphysics: Yo, what are you reading?

Witty person who spends money on drugs: This, you inferior life-form, is only the greatest work of modern literature to ever have been revealed to our humble species. It is called "The Internet is a Playground."