Menu

friday

We were together for years. And over the last few months, my heart has been breaking piece by piece.

The others were never good enough. They left me with a bad taste, and I knew my nights with them would never last. They were most certainly one night stands, and for a while, I felt like that was all I’d ever have.

But then, I saw him and experienced all of his glory.. He was one of very few words. He never spoke back, got sassy, or told me I was wrong. Actually, being with him made me feel so right. He lifted me up when I was down and made me fly when I was already high. And for the first time in my life, I thought I had met my match.

It wasn’t until early this year, when I started changing my life around that things got rough with us. I began trying to be healthier, and in turn spent less time with him. I think the distance made him angry – because every time we actually got together, it was short lived and I always went to bed alone with a sick feeling in my stomach.

It wasn’t until last month, when I thought I’d give it one more shot, that I truly knew it was over. I thought it would be sweet to spend the Halloween weeks together in Salem Massachusetts, where celebrating before the actual holiday wouldn’t be so out of the ordinary.

We had dinner, which was lovely, and everything went fine for a few hours. We met again at a tavern and I thought the chill running through me was just from the cold. But alas, it was not. I got home and felt that same sick, sad feeling in my stomach. I could hear him yelling at me as I wept and vomited in the bathroom.

YOU’RE NOT THE SAME! YOU CAN’T HANDLE ME ANYMORE, CAN YOU?

And just like that, I knew. No, sir. I cannot handle you anymore. My healthy lifestyle has torn me from your sweet aroma. My clean body and mind makes it difficult to spend any reasonable amount of time with you. It hurts to be without you, but it hurts more when I’m with you.

We had many great, wonderful years together. I’ll never forget how happy he made me feel. I’ve started moving on, slowly but surely, and I know that even though we aren’t together, I’m in a great place in my life. Time will only tell if we ever meet again. Maybe a short embrace here and there, but that’s all we’ll ever have between us.

Jameson, I will always love you. Thank you for the time we did have. Until we meet again.

They say that life is always easier, after you let yourself come undone. They say they’ll give you all that you want, and I’ll be waiting in the shadow of the sun. Seizing time no one has been before, close the curtains what are you waiting for? And I’ll be keeping secrets till I’m in the ground.

Changing colors makes you waste away, just paint your eyes with a vivid mind. Now you see what’s behind the lights, And I’ll be waiting in the shadow of the sun.

Finding treasures that has been on demise, building mountains in disguise, and I’ll be keeping secrets till I’m in the ground.

I’m in the shadow of the shadow of the sun, where I belong there’s something coming on. I’m in the shadow of the shadow of the sun, oh and I need you.

I’m in the shadow of the shadow of the sun, where I belong, there’s something coming on. No more waiting, times are changing, and there’s something coming on.

Move over, Rebecca Black. I’m taking over your favorite day of the week. You know why? Because it’s MY favorite day and I’m older. End of discussion.

What’s not to be happy about on a Friday? It was my favorite day when I was younger. It was the day to be hungover in college and then get excited to party again that night. And once I got out of retail, it became the day that marked my two days off from the corporate world. HELL. YES.

I’m also happy because I get to spend the weekend with my Drummer. It’s been almost two weeks since we’ve seen each other. Work has been crazy for him since all the kiddies moved back to school last weekend, so we’ve been on pause, but this weekend will totally make up for it.

I know I haven’t written about him in a while, but honestly, what’s there to write? He’s awesome. He’s the sweetest thing ever and I’m happy I found him, or rather that he found me.

I guess I never told you guys about that huh? When I was thrown onto the tracks of the Online Dating Train, I was the pursu-ER. When you’re a female on any sort of website, the attention you get is ridiculous. The messages POUR in and you barely have time to look through them before your inbox got full. I didn’t want to wait and sift through a bunch of “Hey ma’s” and “Sugar Daddy?” messages so I took it upon myself to do all the looking and contacting. All of the dates I went on were a direct product of MY elbow grease in this business. Nobody can ever say I didn’t try. I was not one of those women who waited. Never been. Never will be.

I saw The Drummer’s profile a few hours before he messaged me, but I didn’t click on it for some reason. Then, I received his message. I had written in my profile about my love for whiskey and pizza, as well as my passion for blogging. He touched on all three of those things and apparently was intrigued. I tend to intrigue men with my whiskey obsession. I don’t understand why. Vodka tastes like absolute shit and beer has too many calories. What the fuck ever. Sorry. Rambling.

Anyways, I saw the message. Took a quick look at his profile and moved on. A few minutes later I popped back into my inbox and stared at the message. I had already promised myself that this round of OKC was my last attempt at online dating and I was going to be picky. But something just stood out about him. He was extremely good looking, but it wasn’t his pictures. We all know how awful men are at choosing online dating pictures (Sorry Drummer!) I honestly have no idea what it was, but I figured if I was this interested, I should shoot a message back. That message turned into dozens. And then we made plans. And then exchanged numbers.

Even leading up to the date, I wasn’t that nervous. The only reason I had any sort of anxiety was because this would literally be my last date from a website if it turned to shit. I was so sick of going on RIDICULOUS dates with ridiculous men only to be extremely disappointed. Little did I know it would be my last date, but for all the right reasons.

As soon as I got out of my car that night and walked towards him, I haven’t stopped smiling. He looked even better than his pictures, and had the best personality. It was such a relief to have a great time with someone when all you’ve done is waste time with others. And I’ve never felt so wanted by someone in my life. It’s quite nice.

I wouldn’t let him read my blog until recently, though that was the first topic of conversation we had. After a while of him hinting, I just let him have it. I’m honest with everyone in my life, even you guys. Why would I be any different with him?

Our little thing we have is still new, so it’s continually a learning experience. I’m content where I am. I feel lucky, but I also feel like I deserve such a great person. Everyone deserves that in their lives.

I don’t think of the “what ifs” or the future. I just think of how at the end of my workday I’m going to pack my things and then drive over to my super sweet dude and squeeze the crap out of him.

AAAAAYYY Friday! I gotta keep this post quick today because in all actuality, I have a ton of work to do, so instead of sitting on WordPress for 8 hours, I should probably do some of that. This week has been absolutely INSANE. I’ve hardly had contact with anything except for school books this week, so Friday-I salute you.

I get a double dose of fun this weekend. I have Date #2 tonight with The Drummer. I chose the place this time. I’m pretty excited that the ice is already broken and those first date nerves are over. I really hate awkwardness (even though it’s my life, yo). AND tomorrow I am gay clubbing it up because I JUST WANNA DANCE! Boston has some amazing gay nights and Carmen Carrera from Rupaul’s Drag Race is going to be in the city this weekend! I love the gay club we go to on Saturdays because it’s filled with really good looking men who I can dance with without fearing that I will feel a boner coming from my dance partner. There is NO line in the women’s bathroom, and the lights make me feel like I’m in a JLo music video.

I have the awful task of picking out an outfit after work. I wish there was an app where you could send a series of pictures of yourself in certain outfits to be judged by a fashion expert on the other side. What if I decided to wear my red pants and skull shirt tonight?

Too soon? Alright, alright. Another time.

I have the annoying task of doing MONSTROUS amounts of homework this weekend as well. Sunday, when I’m hung over like crazy, the last thing I want to do is read a book about laws. Hold that thought, law book, I’m gonna vom real quick. My professor gives us an insane amount of homework. When one student asked for advice on how to handle reading all 200+ pages next week, plus our papers and usual work AND a midterm worth a quarter of our grade, the professor responded: “I SUGGEST you should do all your work.”

OH, THANKS FOR THE SUGGESTION. I DIDN’T THINK OF THAT MYSELF. NO REALY.

I will own you Professor B.

Whatever though. This class is only until December 22 and then I’m taking a hiatus from school until March. I’m exhausted. And technically going to school “for fun” so I can do it whenever I want.

All I care about is today. It’s Friday. I get to sleep in tomorrow. And when that clock says 5:00 PM, I’m out of this place.

I’m only working a half day today. Once that clock hits 1 PM, I’m off to Pennsylvania to hang out with my favorite people in my favorite county. Bags are packed and in my trunk. I forgot to buy whiskey at the liquor store yesterday, but these people thrive on whiskey so I’m sure I won’t be without. They have corn whiskey down there, which is clear (da fuq?) and tastes like absolute crap. However, the drunk you get from it surpasses all the other drunkenesses in the world. It’s like crack in a bottle. Honestly. Sometimes I wonder if there really is crack in it because I can’t fall asleep after.

That picture is totally me, by the way. Who thought it was a good idea to give a girl in a leather jacket an assault rifle?

The only time I’ve ever shot guns (besides paintballs and water guns) is down in PA. The first time I shot one was with this small handgun. I had my heart SET on shooting a gun all weekend and right before we were about to drive back to Boston, my friend Matt takes out the little beauty and lets me give it a go.

He stayed outside with me while everyone else watched behind the glass sliding door in the kitchen. I didn’t even hesitate. I’m all like “Yo. I can shoot a gun. I went paintballing a few times like a boss.”

As soon as Matt gave me the gun, I aimed for the cornfields and pulled the trigger.

Second thing: Right after I realized I didn’t go deaf, I was on such an adrenaline high that I turned to my friends and started jumping up and down, waving my arms (the one with the gun in it included) all around screaming “OH MY GOD I JUST SHOT A GUN! OH MY GOD I’M SO BADASS!” As I’m waving this gun around like a fool, I notice all my friends turning pale as ghosts. They looked at me like they were hostage negotiators.

“Lara, put the gun down. Stop waving it around like a crazy person.”

How I thought I looked:

How I actually looked:

Yes, ladies and gentleman. I almost killed my friends.

Luckily for me, and well, everyone else, Matt only put one bullet in the gun. He KNEW I was going to do that. He just laughed, “I don’t know why, but when people shoot a gun for the first time, they ALWAYS wave it around after.”

I have some smart friends.

I’m beyond that now. I moved up to assault rifles. The M16 was my absolute favorite. It was pretty comfortable for a big gun. I shot a few more, but the force was INSANE. The kickback and sound alone was enough to scare the shit out of me. I can’t WAIT to shoot some more this weekend!

I’ll try to update you guys on the trip, but when I tell you it’s in the middle of nowhere, I sincerely mean that. I barely even get service. But if not, I’ll get back to ya’ll on Monday. <–Practicing my country talk.

Oh Pennsylvania. The place where I'm made fun of for not pronouncing all my "R's" and where I make fun of them because the closest mall is an hour drive. We're totally even.

I have absolutely nothing of substance for ya’ll. This most will probably consist of my random thoughts and some humorous GIFs to animate my inner dialogue.

After work I’m going to one of those haunted houses up in New Hampshire to get the shit scared out of me by a bunch of actors dressed up as zombies. It’s not that their look scares me. It’s just the “jump” factor. A few weeks ago, I went to Nightmare New England and their actors were INCREDIBLE. They were poppin’ up from places I didn’t even know were possible! One fine lookin’ zombie jumped out of a bush and scared me, and then whispered that I was cute in my ear. Haha! UM. Thanks, but, you kind of gave me anxiety prior to your sweet talking, so I couldn’t wrap my head around it.

I haven’t heard from LM this week. I made an executive decision not to contact him because I really don’t want to see him anymore and luckily he hasn’t tried to talk to me either. My friend and her boyfriend (who hooked us up) broke up, and they’ve been spending a ton of time together so I think that has something to do with it.

Oh, well 🙂

As much as I’m going to miss the mind blowing sex, this just has to happen. I want a legit relationship, not a side piece. And plus, relationship sex is WAY better. You have more opportunities to try some fun stuff you wouldn’t do with a stranger.

Tomorrow, there’s a new brewery opening up a few towns away. They’re new customers of ours at work, so I’m going to go with a friend to welcome them to town and OBVIOUSLY because there’s going to be free booze and food.

And the new owners are young, so I’ll make sure to be lookin’ spiffy just in case one or both are good looking.

One more random thought before I let you guys go off into the world (if you haven’t already stopped reading). I want to talk to you guys about ROAD RAGE.

As I was driving home from work a few weeks ago and almost blacked out from how angry other drivers were making me, I had this thought:

I am one of the sweetest people you will ever meet in your lifetime. What in the world gives me the right to treat people the way I do as soon as I’m behind the wheel? I become a MONSTER.

Everyone does it! Your mom does it, your neighbor does it. Hell, your NANA wearing an oxygen tank while smoking a cigarette flips off the first person that cuts her off.

So from that moment on, I decided enough is enough. I made a pledge to not be an angry driver anymore. If I’m going to interact with any asshole drivers, I will approach them with peace and tranquility.

And you know what? Driving home is a lot more pleasant. I even blow kisses at the people who beep at me now. I feel like my sweet self again. How lovely.

So take that home with you today. Are you the nicest person in the world? Do you think you could actually murder someone on the highway with your car? Then you need help. I bet these guys are the nicest people in the world too.