Joyeux Marteau wrote:I won't tell you my whole story, but I have had some very dark days and a few horrendous days like some of the people have mentioned above.

It's difficult for me to talk to anyone as that's not something I was bought up with, however if you are given the chance then try it. It can help if you need it. It's great to know there is support here for people as well.

sorry it's not a great post from me however it is something that is important to me and has been part of my life for a long time, close to fifteen years.

No need to apologise mate there's no rules to say it has to be a lengthy post, just say what ever you feel, there are lots on here that want to hear it and want to try and help in any small way possible.

Always been a worrier, nothing will ever change that. Had things pretty much under control until 4 years ago. I got told I had multiple sclerosis. Made the fatal mistake of checking the internet to what it truly entails.

Since then my life has changed completely. Despite the diagnosis being questioned, reevaluated, repeatedly assessed and checked I'm still very in much in the dark over whats going on.

I was at that time the fitness I'd probably ever been. Running regularly after letting myself go, following the kids being born and not having time to do much.

Now I've regressed. I'm unfit again. Every niggle, triggers a fear of panic. Even simple things like tube journeys are now a nightmare.

ive had a pretty horrendous time over last few years, i list them rather than tell the story as will take too long

i had testicular cancer lost a twin son who was born to prematureother twin son severly disabled and now lives with foster family as he has a tracheotomy mother in law died from cancer then my wife was diagnosed with terminal cancer she fought for 5 yrs but lost her battle 18 months ago my mum also passed away just a few months ago i do however have a amazing family around me and a 8 yrs old son who keeps me going ! x

i don't cry a lot but at times just feel emotionless, i have been prescribed anti depressants when i wasn't sleeping but decided against them. Instead i try yoga, exercise, meditation and golf !

i just feel indredibally tired but found out it may be mental fatigue so hopefully soon i will begin counselling using CTB which will hopefully slow my overacting mind down.

Just always seem to worry I'm not doing the best by everyone and also for myself

IWGS,you've gone through so much,I hope you can acccess support,I've always turned to this site as a release from reality,whatever that is.,Mr. Mumbles,I wrote you a pm,but it would n't send,and I think that's someone telling me something,so let it go.(suffice to say,I'm BP,pm me anytime).Elsie,apart from being a bit weird, you are the top man.Like you,I 'm only still here through my own incompetence, it's quite funny looking back at how serious I was at the time,and no doubt will be be the next time.But people can only feel better for reading your post.Rio,your Gp must be aware that dealing with your condition involves more than just physical effects,and prescribe accordingly.Anyhow I wish you well.

How the hell can so many intelligent,thoughtful people be involved with such a car crash of a club?

I'm probably only posting on this thread because I've had a few beers... But I have kept an avid eye on it and those before that related to similar topics.

I am most likely one of the thousands of people with undiagnosed depression. I have in the past approched my doctor but didn't like the response as it was dismissive and just offered me drugs.

In reality I guess I self medicate with alcohol and occasional drug use... which I know is wrong but makes my life easier.

I struggle to talk about the anxiety and depression I suffer from so typing this helps in itself... I don't know where I will go from here but I know I suffer, and feel it is a family trait as my mum is a nightmare for things like this too... I'm not ready to speak to the doctor again but maybe even just typing by this helps a little I guess...

I struggle with why, things get on top of me far too easily. I think it's more the anxiety than the depression to me honest - and then the booze doesn't exactly help. I worry about everything, all the time and just blow the tiniest problem out of all proportion.

And now I feel like I'm doing it again and shouldn't have typed that when I got in from the pub last night...

This is a great thread and mental health awareness is a great thing. I went through a particular bad time in 2010-2011 after the break up of a 10 year relationship. Turned out I was drinking a bit too much. Not in the sense of being an alcoholic though although probably an element of alcohol dependency at the time.

That would be my one tip if you are going through a particular bad time. Alcohol is not your friend. Alcohol can make you feel very down for a couple of days after a session and if your head is all over the place anyway it makes things much much worse.

Also anyone that suffers from anxiety at times, stay away from the coffee. I went through a period of finding myself getting very anxious in meetings when I had to talk. I mean very anxious! Realised I have a particular sensitivity to coffee and the jitters.

From my late teens to mid-20s, I tried to control my chattering mind by smoking cannabis on a daily basis. This was partially successful, and also massively debilitating.

In my mid 20s, I ditched the Jamaican Woodbines and switched to food and booze. Whilst less debilitating from a general life perspective (paranoia no longer prevented me from achieving anything), it made me very fat and unhappy.

In my late 20s, I cut down the booze and extra helpings, and switched to exercise. To date (c. 13 years on), this has been the only successful, positive way I've been able to even vaguely get a grip on my mind. I am still full of self-doubt, low self-esteem and utter bewilderment at the world and the other people in it, but I have collated enough credit with myself to stop beating myself up over every little thing I get wrong in life.

The self-doubt is partially under control because I prove to myself on a daily basis that I can achieve stuff, both socially and physically. I continue to be baffled by how the world works, which is completely at odds with logic and reason, but I've learned to accept that mostly. My self-esteem will always be lower than perhaps it needs to be, but perhaps that isn't such a bad thing. I know lots of people with baseless high self-esteem, and many of them are delusional c*nts, admired only by the weak.

I'm an insular person, I always have been. I guess I could have been described as cold, neither getting high or low regardless what was going on around me. I'm socially awkward and struggle in social situations around new people. I have never been able to maintain a large group of close friends and now I probably only one person who I can call a close friend. Since the age of 18 I have lurched from one crisis to another, almost all entirely of my own making with no outward sign that it effected me and if I'm honest no conscious inward sign either.A year ago, having embarked on a two or three year program of immense self-destruction and deceit of those who I care for most things come to a head and I went all wonky. Having had dark thoughts and feelings for a number of months I turned into a blubbering mess to the point I had a kitchen knife dug into my wrist deep enough to draw blood but lacked the wherewithal to move in a cutting motion, this led to the feeling of not even being good enough to kill myself. I was subsequently signed off work for effectively as long as I wanted and as the weeks went by I signed myself up to some counselling sessions though work. My god what a difference they made, initially I felt awful after the first two but the sessions that followed were amazing and far beyond anything I expected as possible. I got myself back to a place where I could return to work and by and large 2017 has been as positive as I could have expected. These last few weeks though have been difficult. I'm finding work extremely difficult and sometimes when I go to bed my mind is so busy and moving at a thousand miles an hour that it keeps me awake for hours. Not thinking about anything particular, not anything negative in particular, just busy. I'm finding it just horrendous trying to concentrate on work and have taken procrastinating to new levels. Not because I want to but I can only assume some deep seated self-destructive urge. It's strange as each morning I'll give myself a verbal kick to do X, Y and Z but throughout the day my subconscious takes over and I rarely do what is needed. This leads to self loathing that I can't do my job and I'm not good enough, anxiety that I will be found out and either have my colleagues lose respect for me or worse and that I actually lose my job. This is a daily reoccurrence and one that I cannot move on from and I'm finding it debilitating.Is this the new normal? Has keeping everything supressed for so long and then allowing the genie out of the bottle last year created an unstoppable flood of feelings and emotion? I just don't know and I can no longer trust my mind to come to rational conclusions. It is such a horrible place to be and I don't see a way out.

I've laboured this point beforehand, but for anyone struggling to control their demons that is currently not doing any regular exercise - I plead you to give it a try. Even if it doesn't do anything for you mentally, it's bound to improve your general health and help you sleep better.

DasNutNock wrote:I've laboured this point beforehand, but for anyone struggling to control their demons that is currently not doing any regular exercise - I plead you to give it a try. Even if it doesn't do anything for you mentally, it's bound to improve your general health and help you sleep better.

I've found it a vicious cycle that a few months ago I had starte dup exercise and was really enjoying it but as the dark clouds form, the desire to do anything diminishes and I am now at a point where I feel meh about going to the gym despite knowing how good it can make me feel. Depression is ****ed up inasmuch that despite knowing what is right I actively chose not to do it which gives me a reason to hate myself more. Rinse and repeat

Fortunately for me, my fear of slipping back into previous messes prevents me from stopping exercise, even when I'm at my most tired, busy, injured or fed up. I'm convinced that my decision to do my exercise first thing before work was the differentiator, never lasting more than a few months when I tried to train in the evening.

That exercise is the first thing on my schedule, no matter what, is a great "cleaner" for my mind and sets me up for the day. I have no excuse to sack it off if I do it before I get busy, as well. I also don't have that nasty buzz after exercising late that can prevent restful sleep.

I've also had trouble sleeping before, and it's one of my greatest fears, so the morning exercise remains crucial to me as a way of "guaranteeing" a better night's rest.

DasNutNock wrote:I've laboured this point beforehand, but for anyone struggling to control their demons that is currently not doing any regular exercise - I plead you to give it a try. Even if it doesn't do anything for you mentally, it's bound to improve your general health and help you sleep better.

Seconded. I still get too little sleep because my mind won't shut down, but taking regular exercise definitely makes some difference. And it's a very big deal, because if you're sleep deprived it affects everything, including your ability to rationalise and cope with stress, as well as your general mood.

For some reason, I also find that my useful ideas and solutions come to me when exercising. Maybe because that annoying inner critic is otherwise engaged for a while.

Blow Bubbles wrote:I struggle with why, things get on top of me far too easily. I think it's more the anxiety than the depression to me honest - and then the booze doesn't exactly help. I worry about everything, all the time and just blow the tiniest problem out of all proportion.

And now I feel like I'm doing it again and shouldn't have typed that when I got in from the pub last night...

From my own perspective I found I was "catastrophizing".

I've always been a "realist" (some may say pessimist) but when I lost my Dad and then was ceremoniously booted out of my job all within 2 weeks basically I could see no way forward which led to lots of unhelpful thoughts such as the house getting repossessed and thinking I'd let my dad down.

The reality was of course there was no evidence nor facts to support those thoughts. The counselling I had has taught me to question my thoughts and ensure that they are based upon fact not fiction.

DasNutNock wrote:I've laboured this point beforehand, but for anyone struggling to control their demons that is currently not doing any regular exercise - I plead you to give it a try. Even if it doesn't do anything for you mentally, it's bound to improve your general health and help you sleep better.