Satire and pastiche … just in case you didn't realise

We don’t want your money, Apple

The EU has ordered the Irish government to take a bite out of Apple’s profits – 11 billion euros in taxes the ‘technology giant’ has managed to avoid paying …. somehow. Just forgot, obviously. You’d think the Irish would be overjoyed – how many pints of Guinness can you get for 11 billion euros? Or, more seriously, how many hospital beds would that pay for? Or hospitals?

No – apparently Ireland doesn’t want the money. From now on I’ll never lend an Irishman a penny.