As the pages of my desk calendar grow thin, I see the end of the tunnel that is 2004. As Old Man Time strolls down the streets of the World, and the Babe of a New Year waits in the wings for the dropping of the crystal ball in Times Square, we reflect on the year just passed, and repeat the year-end folly that despite limited results, has become a time honored tradition: The New Years Resolution.

I’ve made and broken my share of year-end promises. On occasion, I’ve had admirable and sincere intentions of proving my resolve and changing my evil ways, only to revert to old habits by the end of January. Now, I make my resolutions more attainable:

∗ I resolve to quit smoking.......European Brand cigarettes.

I resolve to stop drinking.......curdled milk.

I resolve to exercise......my right to vote.

I resolve to eat less.....lima beans (I hate lima beans).

In addition to these considerable personal sacrifices, wouldn’t it be nice to make a few resolutions for others? Here are a few that I would love to see:

∗ IDOT resolves to fill all potholes in my automobiles’ path.

Teenagers resolve to not annoy their parents, and parents resolve to not be annoyed by their teenagers.

My TV remote resolves to stay on the coffee table and not in every nook & cranny of my couch.

Slow drivers resolve to stay in the right lane, and radar toting State Troopers resolve to ignore those of us in the left lane.

NBC resolves to recognize that the “Weakest Link” is their host, and the survivors of Survivor resolve to realize that their fifteen minutes of fame was up hours ago.

The makers of Slim Fast resolve to develop a formula that looks, tastes, and acts like beer!

I realize that this is all wishful thinking, but it is nice to dream. I’m sure my wife wishes that I would set my New Years sites on more meaningful goals like putting the toilet seat down, and not burping at the dinner table. Come on honey, let’s be realistic!