Waterhole #3

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All Rise...

Judge Russell Engebretson rides into town to bring some law and order to this lawless Western farce.

The Charge

It's the code of the West, to your own self be true—do unto others
before they do it unto you.

Opening Statement

Waterhole #3—a farcical take on Sergio Leone's man-with-no-name
Westerns—provides a few laughs, a few winces, and the chance to see the
comic acting chops of several actors who have shuffled off this mortal coil.

Facts of the Case

The film opens to the strains of Roger Miller singing, "I'll tell you a
story that's never been told—of rapin' and killin' and government
gold" as a mule-drawn army wagon laden with a shipment of gold bars is
delivered into the hands of larcenous Master Sergeant Henry J. Foggers (Claude
Akins, The Devil's Brigade). The gold is hidden (in waterhole #3,
naturally) by Doc Quinlen (Roy Jenson, Chinatown)—one of Foggers's other
two accomplices—and the three thieves are to meet in the town of Dolores,
Arizona to divvy up the loot. However, the truculent Quinlen has a fatal
encounter with card shark Lewton Cole (James Coburn, In Like Flint) in a less than fair
gunfight on the main street of Dolores. Cole uses the map that was drawn on one
of Quinlen's twenty-dollar bills to lead him to the hidden gold.

When Foggers and surviving accomplice Hilb (Timothy Carey, Minnie and Moskowitz) discover that Cole has
absconded with the stolen gold, they follow in mad pursuit. In the meantime,
Cole imprisons Sheriff John H. Copperud (Carroll O'Connor, All in the
Family) and his deputy (Bruce Dern, Smile) in their own jail, and
makes his way to Copperud's homestead to steal the sheriff's horse. He
encounters the sheriff's daughter, with whom he enjoys a roll in the hay. The
rest of the movie is a series of chases and gunfights (one big shootout takes
place in and around a bordello) as most of the cast succumbs to gold fever; only
Captain Shipley (James Whitemore, The Shawshank Redemption)
remains steadfast and true, a straight-arrow character on a mission to recover
the gold and bring the thieves to justice.

The Evidence

• The Good It's a hoot to watch Carroll O'Connor doing a
broadly comic role as the corrupt sheriff, displaying his spot-on comic timing
several years before the Archie Bunker role that made him famous; Bruce Dern's
cameo as the sardonic deputy is a nicely understated part, and James Coburn
plays his usual shtick: the strutting, charismatic rogue with the impish, pearly
grin. Roger Miller's long ballad that narrates, expands on, and explicates
events might be a good or bad thing, depending on one's opinion of his music.
When he starts doing his hillbilly scat vocals (imagine a deranged chimp stoked
on amyl nitrate chased through the room by Beavis and Butthead), some viewers
may feel an overpowering urge to lunge for the volume control. Still, Miller's
extended ballad is fun most of the time, and it lends the movie a considerable
amount of its charm.

The laid-back comic interactions between O'Connor and Coburn work to good
effect in the majority of the scenes, and the story has enough plot twists to
keep it all lightly amusing.

• The Bad Margaret Blye as the sheriff's daughter is
outgunned by a group of seasoned pros; her barely passable acting is rendered
even more vapid in contrast to the skills of her fellow performers—though
her ample girlish assets are pleasingly displayed in a PG-rated manner.

The big gun battle scene, which goes on too long, might have benefited from
a more judicious edit. Likewise, the finale is drawn out and only intermittently
funny. Throwing all the characters together (including a cavalry regiment) for a
final chase sequence is as contrived and unwieldy as a slapstick pie fight. Even
Blazing Saddles had a problem
with its everything-but-the-kitchen-sink ending; and Waterhole #3
compares to Blazing Saddles as a sodbuster compares to a seasoned
cowpoke.

• The Ugly Cole's sexual assault of the sheriff's daughter
conjured up a question I would never have thought to ask: Should rape be
portrayed as a jocular activity, or even as a subject of satire? Sure, Billee
Copperud seemed willing enough to submit to Lewton Cole's advances after a
perfunctory struggle; but the whole thing leaves a bad aftertaste, and it
becomes a running gag throughout the rest of the film. For example, Billee's
father is more concerned about the theft of his prized horse than about his
daughter's complaint of rape, and Cole cracks wise about his conquest to sheriff
Copperud, whose attitude seems to be "boys will be boys." In answer to
my own question: The subject might be suitable for a black comedy, but it
doesn't work here.

• The Disc There are no extras, not even a trailer. The
sound is clearly presented in all its original monophonic glory from the center
channel. The 2.35:1 anamorphic DVD transfer is spectacular for a 38-year-old
picture, with no artifacts except for very minor edge enhancement. There are no
significant blemishes of any kind, and the color is gorgeous (a beautiful
Technicolor print). Watch the breathtaking scene in which Cole on horseback is
silhouetted against an archetypical Western sunset, deep black against blood
red. I loved the filmic appearance of the movie, complete with natural film
grain left intact. I like extra material, but would gladly trade it all for this
kind of top-notch transfer.

Closing Statement

No one will mistake this comedic oater for Blazing Saddles, but the script
does display some occasional wicked humor, and the odd comic pairing of Carroll
O'Connor and James Coburn actually works.

The Verdict

The court finds the movie not guilty. The screenwriters are reprimanded for a
singularly grotesque subplot.