Swinging For Newbies: Effectively Dealing With Jealousy (Part.1)

What is jealousy? Jealousy normally stems from fear. Fear of loss, which comes from one’s own insecurity. Everyone has experienced it at some point in his or her life. It is quite normal and natural to feel jealous, and for those who say they don’t or haven’t, I would argue that, that is not 100% accurate.

The biggest hurdle that couples have to overcome when they get into the swinging lifestyle is how to overcome any form of jealousy that they may feel. Most new lifestyle couples experience this, so do not feel like there is anything wrong with you if you are experiencing this emotion. The first step to dealing with jealousy is to first understand that as long as you are human, jealousy may never go away. What you need to do is to NOT try to figure out how to get rid of these feelings, but rather face them and develop strategies to effectively deal with them.

Start With Communication

As mentioned above, jealousy is a fear-based emotion. The fear that you are less than, insignificant, or less capable may lead you to thinking that you may lose your partner to another who can better fulfill the areas in which you feel insufficient. First know that these are all things that you made up in your head and they may not exist in reality. At this point what you may need is reassurance from your partner, and in order to get that, you need to communicate what you are experiencing. Express in all honesty your true feelings and allow your partner to provide the reassurance you need that what you both share together is more significant than any one person or situation. If your partner is feeling jealousy, do not try to shut them down and make them feel bad about it, but rather be compassionate and provide the reassurance they need to help them get through it.

Self Improvement

Another thing to be acknowledged is that your jealousy may be stemming from areas in your life or relationship that you have truly neglected. Maybe you have not been the most loving person to your partner, maybe you have stopped doing some of the meaningful things you use to do together, maybe you have stopped taking care of yourself the way you use to when you and your partner just met. One of the best ways to rid yourself of insecurity is by becoming a better person. Seek self-improvement in the areas in which you may be lacking. Put more effort in becoming a better you and see how it rejuvenates your self-esteem and your relationship.

Practice Self-Control

It is our normal tendency as human beings to allow ourselves to be overcome by our emotions. When moments of jealousy occur, by overreacting of creating unnecessary drama, you will only make the situation worse. Not only will this not fix the problems, it will also create resentment and an even bigger barrier between you and your partner in having an extraordinary relationship in the swinging lifestyle. Don’t create a scene. Manage your emotions and approach your communication in the most civil and normal way as you possibly can, and ideally not in public. First, have a conversation with yourself and ask, “ What is it I am really upset about?” Acknowledging that the issue may be with you and not with your partner.

Be Honest

The most jealous people are the ones that are dishonest. Jealousy is normally a residual effect of self-guilt. If you have been disloyal to your partner and the things you have communicated, then it is very natural for you to assume your partner maybe capable of the same. Whatever the rules and boundaries you have with your partner, be true to those boundaries and relationship guidelines. Whether in the swinging lifestyle or anywhere else, this rule applies to all situations.

By learning to effectively deal with jealousy, you and your partner will enjoy the most amazing experiences in the swinging lifestyle. Jealousy will never permanently go away, but the key is knowing how to deal with it when it shows up.