Edinburgh University introduces staggering fees.

Students attending the Scottish university were shocked to learn they could soon be paying as much as £9,000 a year in fines if found 'straying left and right', 'wandering about aimlessly', or deemed to be of 'uneven gait' on campus, according to Edinburgh University's press office.

A Student Union spokesperson commented, "This is staggering... but this isn't, but now this is..." before toppling at the entrance to the union bar.