Where Stuff Gets Rated

Tag: babies

This is a cake where the inside is a rainbow, and the outside is a unicorn. It is served at baby showers. I guess I really have no idea what goes on at baby showers. Do…do people even take showers at them? I always thought that’s why men weren’t allowed to go. But the cake would get all wet in the shower. 2.0/5

You can talk about what’s appropriate to do in public, you can talk about what’s best for a baby, you can talk about situational sexualization, but it comes down to this: breastfeeding is cannibalism. Children shouldn’t eat their parents. 0.1/5

This story, attributed to Ernest Hemingway for no real reason, is sometimes called a six-word novel. That’s pretty generous. The reader has to write the entire plot in their head to find out someone has been shoplifting baby shoes. Not like my six word novel: Just then, a monster ate Paris. 3.1/5

A friend informed me that this is the boob-specific deodorant I complained didn’t exist when I rated boobs. It’s nice, I guess, because when my daughter was born the doctor told us we couldn’t actually use baby powder on babies. I don’t remember what exactly I used all the baby shower gift baby powder for, but if I had to guess, I’d say I definitely reenacted that scene from Scarface. You know the one. Where we find out Scarface is really his sled. 2.6/5

I don’t get people who love their babies more than their spouses. Presumably you chose your spouse, while your baby was procedurally generated from several of your grosser bodily functions and probably poops itself at least twice as much as your spouse does. Eventually they play with Legos, though, and it’s always nice to have another excuse to buy some Legos. 3.0/5