13 Things Congress Can Do to Improve Its Low Approval Rating

President Obama might not be the most popular politician on the federal level, but compared to the approval ratings for other federal officials, at least his are in double digits. Seriously, that’s not a joke. We wish it was.

Earlier this year, Congress earned a staggering nine percent approval rating, the lowest recorded number in the history of US government. Senators and representatives got the message that the American people weren’t pleased, so they buckled down and managed to improve that rating to just over 14 percent. Here are some ways they can turn things around even more.

1. Turn the Capitol dome into a Transformer.

2. Anyone attempting to filibuster has to do so while being shot at by a paintball firing squad.

3. Hire Taylor Swift to open for them.

4. Rush through any legislation that requires monkeys to dress as humans.

5. Pass a law that would make compiling statistics punishable by death.

6. Tell the American people, “If you check under your seats…you get a bailout! YOU GET A BAILOUT! YOU GET A BAILOUT! EVERYONE…GETS…A…BAILOUT!”

7. Any time anyone uses the word “yield,” they have to do a shot.

8. All of their C-SPAN proceedings are aired in a small box in a corner of the screen on the Playboy Channel.

9. Anyone entering the House or Senate chamber is allowed to give any member of Congress the finger for a full 20 seconds.

10. Congressmen can only earn their annual raises by winning a ‘Glee’ inspired dance-off.

11. Make lobbyists wear ankle bracelets that electronically shock them if they try to enter a government building.