Demi Lovato Hints at Abuse, Talks Being Suicidal at 7 in Cosmo

Demi Lovato‘s Cosmo cover is revelatory, which is interesting since Lovato is an open book who allowed her fans into her recovery process and invited the media to witness her bounce back from her personal struggles with bulimia and cutting. She has covered and re-covered that ground, but there are still things Lovato keeps close to the vest. In the feature, she hints at abuse and further discusses her former suicidal tendencies.

While admitting she is not super religious, Lovato does believe in God, saying, “I feel like God gave me a voice, not just to sing with. He put me through those things, which seemed horrible at the time, but they were so worth it. With the obstacles I’ve overcome, I can help people.” She recalls how her stepfather pulled her single, secretary mom out of the ghetto of Dallas and the first thing Lovato did was spill red Kool-Aid on his all-white carpet. “And it kept happening,” she said, which doesn’t sound like she means repeated spilling of a sugary drink. It sounds like she meant that she kept messing up.

The singer said she was suicidal at 7, even with her gig on ‘Barney.’ She wouldn’t explicitly say say why she had such an adult feeling at a single-digit age, which is rare for her, since she’s been so open about her struggles, making her a survivor and easy to relate to. But she did offer a hint. When the lyrics to ‘Warrior’ are addressed, where she sings “A little girl grew up too fast / All it took was once / I’ll never be the same,” it sounds like she is referring to an abuse situation.

“My family knows what it’s about,” Lovato said, stonewalling. “When I’m ready to open up about that subject with the outside world, then I’ll be free to talk about it. But right now, it’s kind of one of those things where the lyrics speak for me. It’s all in the song.” So take from it what you will.

The singer and actress also said she scoffed at the idea of being a Disney role model and had to rebel on weekends and then realized how disrespectful that was to the people who looked up to her and to the parents who trusted her image.

Lovato still struggles, with the former cutter admitting she has to literally sit on her hands sometimes because her pain is so acute. “I want to act out because I physically can’t sit still in the pain I’m dealing with, from looking back and being bullied or other things that happened,” she recalled. “And now, as hard as it may be, I will do that. That’s what makes me a bada–. Being a bada– is handling your s—.”

Lovato admitted that breaking her leg earlier this year and being couchbound, unable to work out, made her gain weight and depressed her, but she didn’t resort to bulimic behavior since she no longer allows herself that option. The singer also shared that she will be in Kenya for her 21st birthday on Aug. 20, with her family and doing work for Feed the Children, as opposed to partying in Hollywood.

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