Question

How can I keep my mom from visiting after the baby arrives without hurting her feelings?

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My mother visited after each of my three sons was born, and wants to come 'help' after this baby arrives. But having her around is so stressful -- it's like having another child to take care of! I had to cook for her, clean up after her, and entertain her while she was here. How can I keep her from visiting this time without hurting her feelings?

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I can relate totally!
My mother was really pushing to be here for the birth of this baby (our second) and I told her it wasnt necessary and that she is more then welcome to come later on for a visit once we have gotten into a routine and I have healed and would feel more like having company.
My dear Mother In Law will be around for this birth but she has a place to stay that isnt our place and she is in a wheel chair so for the most part we would be going to visit her when we were up to it since it would be easier for us to get around.
If you have a good relationship with your mother... and even if it isnt the greatest, you should be able to tell her how you feel politely and be sure to thank her for the offer but that you would really rather her wait a little while until you feel up for company since things will be really crazy for a little while and you would rather enjoy the visit then be in pain and stess the entire time.
I hope she understands and if not, then lock the doors and pretend you arent home! lol just kidding!

I would just be honest with her. If she really wants to come, then tell her she needs to actually help cook, clean and care for the older children. This is your time to bond with the baby and adjust to a bigger family!
My parents live in the same town as me and I get along great with my mom. I am pregnant with my second and I know she will be over at my house in a minute if I need help, but she will also not overstay her welcome.

I am a very lucky mom, I have a wonderful sister who the first time flew in from California when my baby was 1wk. old, she cooked for me, cleaned my house, and helped w/ the baby for 2 weeks...she even brought my nephew who was just under 1 at the time and took care of everything like a total super woman. This time she is bringing her new husband so he can play w/ my now almost 4yr. old and my almost 5yr.old nephew,and my sister will tend to the new baby and I, as well, they are going to be the God parents to baby #2...I am very blessed that My sister and her family are willing to take time off of their work and busy schedules to leave the hustle and bustle of S.California to help me out here in Nebraska. They are truly a help and I know how depressed and tired I get after I give birth, I am very thankfull for them to come. I just don't quite know where they will sleep though, I have a small downtown 2 bd rm. apt.!

Listen to these ladies, You need to tell her in the most assertive kind way possible. I understand your dilema, I would go nuts having my mother in my house "helping" me w/ my 2nd. Shoot I don't like her here to babysit the 1st!...I would tell your mother, the same as the rest have said, that you really need your bonding time w/ just you, your boys, your hubby, and your new baby. Besides, I'm sure your boys are old enough to help you out at this point, shoot the oldest is a weathered veteran!

I understand your dilemma, although mine is slightly different. My mom can't come to help due to poor health. My mother-in-law can come but I find it stressful to have her around. Also, she lives far away and we do not have a guestroom for her (she has slept in an inflatable bed in the diningroom in the past but I do not like this). We decided to get a postpartum doula for the first two weeks, then have my mother-in-law come after that and stay at another relative's house nearby so she can come for a few hours and then go home. This seems like a good plan. I would be interested in what other peoples' plans are.

with my first son, my mom aided in the delivery room. when i left the hospital, i was overwhelmed and went straight to her house on my way home. i stayed for 3 days. with my second, we were living out of state and my mom missed the birth by 5 minutes. i was glad after the fact because i was in control instead of listening to my mom. i was still very thankful to have her stay to help me out for the next week. i came home to a beautiful flower garden and a clean house. this time around, i am still in the first trimester and instead of scrubbing, i am tired and nausiated and thinking that i dont want anyone over from now until after birth but my mom loves me. i am usually a neat freak and my house is always spotless except when i am unable to clean. i have 2 boys and my husband is the biggest little boy i have so they arent the neatest. i welcome my mom to help and my pride can take a leap. if she wants to help i will let her help all she wants and if she doesnt want to do it she can tell me. if your mom wants to help, let her. dont be a martyr, you dont have to be perfect all of the time. she is your mom and she may want to be needed. if you do it all then she may feel bad for not being able to help.

i have a mother in law who is crazy! i didnt say anything at first because it seemed like if i said anything my husband would freak out at me she had a house key and i didnt even know it until a few days after i brought my son home and i was siting on the couch and she came right in! i told my husband who did nothing! and said she just wanted to see charlie! then this being my first baby and mothers day i wanted to spend it with my husband so we told her that we couldnt come over to eat,she got upset and followed us all the way to the movies and wrote and put nasty note all over are car! telling my husband how bad of a son he was! then we would get nasty phone calls at midnight by his brother and sister telling him he should divorce me becuse i was breaking the family apart! so i said to my husband your leaving for bootcamp in a few weeksyou need to talk to her and fix it,because i tried and she just ignored me! so he thought he fixed the mess she pretended that everything was okey but i noticed about two weeks before my husband left the same old thing taking my son to her room or calling and telling me she needed her charlie fix,this pissed me off i told her my son is not a candy bar you need to come over more often,she told me that i was only 19 and needed to treat her with respect and not talk to her that way. so one day she came over and had charlie in his swing my husband was on the couch watching tv so i left the room to get something for his sister because she was the only one who came up,i come back out and my son is gone! i said where is charlie? my husband said megan told him that my house wasnt good enough for her to come up and waste her time visting! so i expolded whent down she had my son and i got charlie and i told her if she cant even walk up the stairs and see my son then she doesnt need to see him at all. well i hadnt seen them for the whole 4 months my husband was away at bootcamp!so i just worked and did my own thing well one day i got a phone call from my husbands comanding officer telling me that his mother had contacted him threw the red cross telling him that my son was very ill and i wasnt letting her see him and that he was so sick he was dying ! so my husband was so shooken up that his officer called to ask me what was going on ,so i had to show proof my son wasnt sick and was in good living conditions. i was ferious when my husband came back he didnt even want to contact them well she had jared my husbands brother actually pick the lock to my parents home and come into the house. i said this is enough i had to call the police and file a report and the police said for her to not come withing 100 feet of me and my husband until i got a oder against her . do you think she listend ,no she followed my mother from work over to where i was having my sons birthday party ! so i told her she was never allowed to see our son again! if anybody has had a problem like this what did you do?

Hi Nicole,
While I agree (in principal) with just about every suggestion that has been given thus far, I also understand (not that everyone else doesn't) your desire not to hurt your Mom's feelings.
My suggestionis this: if your Mom is a mature adult, explaining to her in the most polite way possible that after having three children, you believe you are capable of handling things yourself. Create a specific plan for a time that will be most convenient for you, for your Mom to come over for "Just Grandma" time (she'll like that).
Lastly, since you haven't been completely honest with her up to this point, I do not suggest telling her how you felt from all three of the previous experiences (this is sure to hurt her no matter how diplomatic you are), unless of course, nothing else works.
Good Luck and congrats on the new addition to your family!

I'm sorry, but I don't understand why you can't just be honest with your mother. She's your mother, for goodness sake. My mom certainly wouldn't expect me to wait on her, and I can't believe that yours does either. If anything, I would feel guilty because she would be doing everything for us. I have already had this discussion with my mother. She will be available if we need her, but will wait until we ask for the help.

Nicole,
I have to keep this very brief but the exact same thing happened to me. In a nutshell. My Mom mentioned during a visit before our last baby was born the dates she was thinking of arriving. It was at that time I sat her down and told her the truth as much as I knew it would hurt her feelings (how could it not). She ended up accepting the truth and didn't come for the las baby until I was ready for her and guess what? When she came, she was incredibly helpful, supportive, the Mom I didn't know I even had. My guess, she just needed to be told? Anyway, I know this won't work for everyone but how you feel during this time is VERY important and I think you should just be honest with her. She may sulk for a little while but isn't it worth it if things are actually better in the long run? Good luck!

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