I used to be happy. Listen to her breathing, feel nothing. See nothing.

On the bed she smiles. To know her I lost my tooth here.

Not there to see her, not see her at all. Sit. Listen.

For sound, it's cold. You're not here. I want to sleep for you. Open, see.

Inside, almost gone.

(i'm lazy wow what a great idea for a movie)

against i ran walk across street dancing all three sit in a room with three walls sleep days go so slow in around or near us after her after sun stop crying after sun stop seeing it could happen not always like this never saw so alone come to look at me walk no one walking all it was weird save cigarette butts across town for poor girl pee on jesus back and forth go too with cigarette butt dancing withering feeling i love you something to say boy took beauty queen giving pills across town hiding you said i used to be happy listen to her breathing feel nothing see nothing on the bed she smiles to know her i lost my tooth here not there to see her not see her at all sit listen for sound its cold youre not here i want to sleep for you open see inside almost gone im lazy wow what a great idea for a movie

its ben so long its been so long im supposed to be doing other things but its been so long and this is a thing this is a thing too little birdy on track she says keep on the track the track dont go manic dont go away again dont type so fast you lose track marks track races track at tack a terrible track record a bad poem

It's Funny

Most like my mom (telling me), "You know, it's funny when I consider those moments that stick out most."

Like my uncle (telling me about all the garbage in the world), "Someone has to pick up all the garbage in the world."

Now I think about his mouth (saying those words), whenever.

I see garbage and I realize that my mom is the one.

Who picks up the most garbage of anyone I know?

And I wonder what relative I will talk about.

Garbage to and that.

Makes me a little unhappy.

its funny when i consider those moments that stick out most like my mom telling me you know its funny when i consider those moments that stick out most like my uncle telling me about all the garbage in the world someone has to pick up all the garbage in the world now i think about his mouth saying those words whenever i see garbage and i realize that my mom is the one who picks up the most garbage of anyone i know and i wonder what relative i will talk about garbage to and that makes me a little unhappy

oh yeah my reading glasses do you still have my address go to my place and sneak in through the window and mail me my collared shirts if not in suitcases then in some pile black shoes green socks green and pink under wears my prize possessions i will mail you a check for 100 dollars if you beat person to the punch chances are all my stuff has already been lifted oh yes in the closet there is a suit keep it worth 400 if you keep the suit i dont mail you a fucking check leave the dead to the dead rejoice you are alive now you see why i never wanted 2 b close goodbye gorgeous sociopath

Fuck

fuck
shit, this is
crazy: what to do
in a situation.
where?
moving to either side !
"...requires a shit ton of swimming..."
knowledge, I, me
an "at least"
floating knowledge (those plastic)
o range floaties only
hold your arms up!
Once.
I threw a rubber.
Rabbit (into the pool and plunged in after it hoping that my desperation would)
magically
imbue
me (with swimming but no no thats not how)
it works...
I ALMOST.
Di ed that
day as a six year old?
any way fuck this shit, really.
Though I don't.
Want to be a...
Hamlet?
Stuck in between a rock and another.
Slightly!
More menacing!
Rock! (but the FIRST rock)
is slippery so what do I, do you?
Know? I...GUESS.
Its ok to let, things come to you
in waves
sine waves
cosine waves
sound waves wave
hello, I guess!
Love is.
Ok! for now, if it waves goodbye, later then!
so what?
I guess. Only.
thing (todo is plunge in) after
It: hoping

fuck shit this is crazy what to do in a situation where moving to either side requires a shit ton of swimming knowledge i mean at least floating knowledge those plastic orange floaties only hold your arms up once i threw a rubber rabbit into the pool and plunged in after it hoping that my desperation would magically imbue me with swimming but no no thats not how it works i almost died that day as a six year old any way fuck this shit really though i dont want to be a hamlet stuck in between a rock and another slightly more menacing rock but the first rock is slippery so what do i do you know i guess its ok to let things come to you in waves sine waves cosine waves sound waves wave hello i guess love is ok for now if it waves goodbye later then so what i guess only thing todo is plunge in after it hoping

Fish Makes His Way

the neighborhood children are
screaming!!!
their stupid little faces off as usual.

bloody knees

puppy dogs

horror and delight are the same,
and fish has to admire that level of dedication to
"self expression"

he is trying to be
mindful
today,
and as he walks to the chicken shack,
he looks at the little lost leaves on the sidewalk,
all telling similar
stories.

fish
has a favorite chair, and a favorite number, and a favourite meal
at the chicken shack

he has good luck, and gets two out of three
today.

some old man
with a face like a dried up apple is
sitting!!!
in fish's favorite chair,
staring
off into space with a chicken sandwich in front of him.

fish eats his chicken meal in a
different
seat by a
different
window,
and watches the cars go by he
eats
with one hand
and counts
and recounts
his change in his pocket
with the other,
without looking.

he has
sixty five cents
which is a really nice amount of change to count and recount.

there is some graffiti on a billboard in the
distance
reclaiming cultural airwaves and
shouting!!!
some defiance at a faceless decider of images,
to be safely consumed by the public.

it looks like
a muffin
but it is probably not
a muffin.

fish counts and recounts
sixty five cents
and looks casually at the old man in his favourite seat
and knows
he is enjoying it!!!
because he has peacefully fallen asleep
snoring
quietly
spilling his french fries all over the table.

fish makes his way outside slowly but once he is there it is sunny just the way he likes it today the neighborhood children are screaming their stupid little faces off as usual bloody knees puppy dogs horror and delight are the same and fish has to admire that level of dedication to self expression he is trying to be mindful today and as he walks to the chicken shack he looks at the little lost leaves on the sidewalk all telling similar stories fish has a favorite chair and a favorite number and a favourite meal at the chicken shack he has good luck and gets two out of three today some old man with a face like a dried up apple is sitting in fishs favorite chair staring off into space with a chicken sandwich in front of him fish eats his chicken meal in a different seat by a different window and watches the cars go by he eats with one hand and counts and recounts his change in his pocket with the other without looking he has sixty five cents which is a really nice amount of change to count and recount there is some graffiti on a billboard in the distance reclaiming cultural airwaves and shouting some defiance at a faceless decider of images to be safely consumed by the public it looks like a muffin but it is probably not a muffin fish counts and recounts sixty five cents and looks casually at the old man in his favourite seat and knows he is enjoying it because he has peacefully fallen asleep snoring quietly spilling his french fries all over the table

The stairs: peeling off my clothes and collapsing on the floor of the bathroom. Door shut behind me, down the stairs.

The rest of the clan held conference. I turned the water. On and slid. In letting it fall, on my head (and back), as I tried to rub feeling into my extremities.

"Every time I put them under the water they burned. That hot cold distant burn."

I let out a couple, dry.

nearing i heard him urge me on my subconscious responded if you really want to help you could throw me some shoes i didnt mean to confront him i followed im sorry i just youre watching me and he replied as if coaxing a stray cat i watched you fall out of your mother i watched as you peed in my face i reached the door and my spinal column spewed move please move and i slid past into the house and past my sister without shoes up the stairs peeling off my clothes and collapsing on the floor of the bathroom door shut behind me down the stairs the rest of the clan held conference i turned the water on and slid in letting it fall on my head and back as i tried to rub feeling into my extremities every time i put them under the water they burned that hot cold distant burn i let out a couple dry