The Dugout: Old Man and The Sea

Major League Baseball in Florida has turned into my family. Its young people are out of control and don’t care about anything, and the only people with any hope of paying attention to them or teaching them anything are 80 years old and from a repressive old school and are about to die. Enter: 80-year old “Trader” Jack McKeon, the second oldest manager in the history of baseball behind Connie Mack. He’s turning the Marlins around with his unique brand of smoking and “not liking the way they run”.

Of course, “being old” is the second easiest way to be the topic of a Dugout. The first is to beat up your girlfriend or wife! Today’s Dugout follows.

The Dugout

**Online Host**
Welcome to the Florida Marlins Chatroom.

fLORIdA: /furiously stuffs bread into a hollowed out hotdog

IfIManagedEdwin: Mr. Loria, excuse me, are you… are you busy

fLORIdA: f**k me i really thought this would work

fLORIdA: what

IfIManagedEdwin: I just wanted to stop in and let you know I was resigning. So, bye.

fLORIdA: resigning? resigning from what? did you finish the yard

IfIManagedEdwin: resigning from managing the Florida Marlins, Newman, what the hell do you think I’m talking about?

fLORIdA: but you were doing such an awesome job!

IfIManagedEdwin: we’re in last place and I just lost nine straight games.

fLORIdA: i know! that’s so awesome! we freaky friday’d the twins!

IfIManagedEdwin: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

fLORIdA: freaky friday’d them. vice versa’d them. like father like son’d them. ugh, is there a mexican version of freaky fridaying somebody

/googles "freaky mexican friday"

fLORIdA: we ponte en mi lugar’d the minnesota twins

IfIManagedEdwin: Well, regardless, I quit. I’m a competitor, and I can’t be a competitor with this group of jerks in A.J. Feeley Stadium

fLORIdA: welp, have fun “competing” with the crackmongers and design majors in the unemployment line you

**Online Host**
IfIManagedEdwin has left the chatroom.

fLORIdA: wait i didn’t finish, i was gonna call you a … FINE! WHO NEEDS YOU. ANYBODY CAN MANAGE THIS TEAM. I CAN HAVE JEFF TORBORG MANAGING THIS TEAM IN 15 MINUTES

fLORIdA: ugh i don’t want to do that, hold on

fLORIdA: YEAH ANYBODY CAN MANAGE THIS TEAM /picks up bread shards

/tries to mash them back into the shape of a bun
/finds out his hands are too fat
/gives up