Coming to terms with losing kitty

We named her Sedona because she looked like a desert in Arizona, but she was “kitty” most days.

Kitty was overcome with old age, but saying goodbye to a family pet is never easy.

Given the intense bond most of us share with our animals, it’s natural to feel devastated by feelings of grief and sadness when a pet dies.

While making her last hours as comfortable as possible, I searched the Internet to see how others have coped with this type of occurrence.

A contributing writer from Yahoo! wrote that while some people may not understand the depth of feeling you had for your pet, you should never feel guilty or ashamed about grieving for an animal friend.

Instead, the advice was to review some healthy ways to cope with the loss, comfort yourself and others, and begin the process of moving on. Some suggestions given include talking to a pet grief hotline counselor, joining a pet loss support group, or writing your feelings down in a journal. I’m more likely to do the latter since the former seem a bit drastic. However, talking or writing about feelings should never be demeaned, for they are very helpful while coping.

For many people, a pet is not “just a dog” or “just a cat.” Pets are beloved members of the family and, when they die, you feel a significant, even traumatic loss. The level of grief depends on factors such as your age and personality, the age of your pet and the circumstances of their death. Generally, the more significant the loss, the more intense the grief you’ll feel, the author said.

Grief can be complicated by the role the animal played in your life. For example, if your pet was a working dog or a helper animal such as a guide dog, then you’ll not only be grieving the loss of a companion, but also the loss of a coworker or the loss of your independence.

If you cared for your pet through a protracted illness, you likely grew to love him even more. If you lived alone and the pet was your only companion, coming to terms with his or her loss can be even harder.

There were times, I’ll admit, that kitty was a pain, but that’s true about anything you take care of. She had this habit of getting my attention when she craved attention. She’d come up behind me unsuspected while I would be standing doing the dishes and she’d push behind my knee, making me lose my balance.

Sometimes she’d get a disgusted reaction with a few suds floating down towards her. But, most of the time I’d give a reassuring response that she’d get that rub behind her ear when I was done.

The advice ends saying whatever you do, give yourself time, patience and don’t be hard on yourself. It’s easy to guilt trip; think of “what if” or to have regrets about circumstances leading up to the death of your pet. You did the best you could, given the resources you had. By providing your dog or cat with a loving and caring home to the end, you did a good job. In time, the sun will come out again.

As I recover from the loss of my kitty, her memory is with me throughout and the sadness will lessen little by little as the days go by. Kitty was raised in love and died peacefully, with me at her side. It was a successful and happy life, one to celebrate and never, ever forget.

And, the love continues on.

Nancy Hastings is a staff writer for the Hillsdale Daily News. She can be reached at nhastings@hillsdale.net.