TNG Caption This! 313: Extreme Tardiness!

Hello everyone! Thanks for bearing with me with my extremely unreasonable schedule recently. The good news is that things will start improving soon, the bad news is that there might be a couple of rough weeks before it does.

First up to the plate, we have the "Get me outta here" Award, going to:

Captain's Log, Supplemental: Newest policy: Away team candidates will be identified by the successful completion of a game of "Red Light, Green Light" before entering the bridge turbolift. An unanticipated consequence has been the regular elimination of necessary "red shirts" through this process. Will reconsider policy.

Picard: And then I said, "Wassa matta, you no lika my cannoli?"
Riker: And then what happened?
Picard: I gave up mob movie auditions and took up the Shakespeare. "Wassa matta, to die is to be banish'd from myself over here!"

Troi: Could you imagine! That pudgy old bearded guy was hitting on me! Me!Yar: Like anyone would ever settle! Let's stay young forever!Troi: We will!

Picard: If you could just let me have my comb.

Picard: Chocolate milk?Gomez: It was my first porn with, you know - a bl - a blind guy.

K'Ehleyr: I see you found my filmography.Worf: Yeah - I was searching for Klingon Asteroid Blasters.K'Ehleyr: Happens all the time.

Stewart: "Just think, Jon! If our series ever switches to movies like the original series did, they'll surely concentrate on the action hero character, and you'll be in the catbird seat!"

Gomez: "You're right, Captain. Taking Commander LaForge with me to my quarters to help me change my uniform would be unprofessional. Thank you for setting me straight, sir. It's lucky we happened to run into you on the way there!"LaForge (thinking): "Why, God, why? Was I Kodos the Executioner in a past life or something?"

Picard: "As my first officer, I'm trusting that I can count on you with discretion. Can you keep a secret?"Riker: "You got it, Captain. So... what is it?"Picard: "I'm greatly intimidated by men with beards."

Lt. Yar: "Whose are bigger? Hahahahahaha--that Wesley, always so curious about everything. OK Deana, you can stop looking at them now..."

Picard: Number One, the key to having a beard in Starfleet is making sure you don't have a duplicate before growing a goatee. Whoever has the goatee is evil and will be shot on sight.
Riker: Don't worry sir, I'm one of a kind... but I'll go with a full beard just in case.

Today's topic in The Wesley Shaming Session: his inability to hide being aroused by every attractive woman on the ship.

Captain's Log, supplemental: Mr. Hohm has consumed the ship's entire supply of alcohol. Unfortunately, the crew cannot tolerate Lwaxanna Troi's presence without it; I fear a mutiny will soon brew if Mr. La Forge and Commander Riker cannot get the still operating.

Geordi learned long ago that looking up at the ceiling during an embarrassing incident was the best way to avoid a superior's wrath.

Kheylar forgot Rule Number 1 of Dating a Nerd: Never make going out seem like a chore, otherwise your partner will stick to their job/hobbies.