A well intentioned rant about the current state of Advertising, with particular emphasis on Big Dumb Agencies (BDA's) Because, no matter how bad you think it is, it's actually a great deal worse!
"Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill pail." George Orwell.

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You might remember how, a few weeks ago, I
blogged about Steve Jobs iYacht that wasn’t completed before GodJobs went
off to his iCloud. I pointed out that it was a really fucking ugly boat, and
that as the interiors were designed by uber con man, Philippe Starck, they
would be even uglier. Well guess what… The
boat has been impounded, ‘cos Stark has only been paid 6 million Euros out
of his agreed 9 million fee, and now his lawyers are battling Job’s estate for
the missing millions. All I can say is that having been forced to stay in a few truly ugly Starck designed hotels during my "Mad Man" career, I wouldn’t pay the fucker NINE Euros, let alone nine
million.

Every time I see a
politician or a ten star general, or even ace wanker, Wayne LaPierre of the NRA
demanding Cruse fucking missiles in all the schools, whenever they are shooting
off their pie holes, they are surrounded by lots and lots of flags, and the
politico wankers have Stars and Stripes flag pins in their lapels, or In the
case of the half term governor of Alaska, Mama Palin, a diamond encrusted one
nestled between her enhanced knockers. But, as someone once said… “If fascism comes to America, it will come wrapped in the
flag, waving the cross, and preaching free markets.” Hmmm, that rings a
bell. The funniest bit though, is that all the flags and diamond encrusted
lapel pins these fuckers love to flaunt are made in Communist China!

OK… This has nothing to do
with whether you are pro… Or anti gun… But after all the shit that has gone
down recently, you would think that when the NRA President decides to come out
from whatever fucking rock he is currently hiding under… He would have the
fucking brains to at least at least do a half hearted mea culpa for the shit
that has gone down by another BushMaster wielding psycho…FUCK NO.. It’s
everyone else’s fault. You pusillanimous douchenozzle fucktard cretin…
Sorry, fucking sorry… But, do these people live on another fucking planet???
Time for the Teton Glacier… Arrrggghh.

Obviously, the big
question of the day on 12/21/2012 is… If the end of the world has happened, why
the fuck are all the BDHC’s and their rancid BDA’s still destroying the once
great business of advertising? Why is Laurence “See me in the Corner Gym” Boschetto still sucking the fucking life
out of Draft/FCB… And why the fuck is Michael “I Know Insurance” Roth still allowing him to do it? I don’t know
about their calendar, but the Maya had the
right idea when it came to dealing with wankers… They ripped out their hearts.
The problem is, with most of these wankers, you’d have a job finding that
particular organ!

In its continuing quest to
liposuction every last fucking dollar from the wankers dumb enough to use it, Facebook
announced Thursday that it would begin
charging users $1 for the privilege of sending messages to Facebook members with whom they are
not connected. Currently, Facebook places messages from a member's friends in
their main inbox, while stashing all other messages in a folder marked
"other," which most Facebook users never check nor realize exists. Yesterday,
the company launched a test that will place messages in a member's inbox for
$1. In the moronic words of a FaceBook PR-Nozzle… "For the receiver, this
test allows them to hear from people who have an important message to send
them." On the other hand, you could always send that important message via
email! And in case you’ve forgotten, there was a
report earlier this week that Facebook would begin pushing video ads that will play automatically into users' news feeds.
Just how many ways can this retarded company come up with in its continuing
quest to totally piss off its users?

Even as I write this, all the
remaining unfortunates at “Hoboken East”
are whooping it up at their “Budget
Party!” John Seifert, in his Santa outfit, and in the “Spirit of Pervasive Creativity,” will be dispensing the crowd
sourced special holiday drinks and treats. I hope the poor fuckers enjoy
themselves… Word from my deep throats is that more layoffs are on the way… Someone
has to pay for the decorations at the Gramercy Park Love Nest!

You may remember AdScam was first
in bringing to the attention of the ad community, “The
Great Canadian Maple Syrup Heist,” a few months ago… closely followed by
the impending “Bacon
Famine,” and the “Humungous
California Walnuts Theft.” What the fuck is a “Foodie” to do? But, not to worry, Professor Kolstad Points us in
the direction of the news that at least the
Maple Syrup Mystery has been solved with the arrest of 3 arch criminals in
Canada. The Mounties are still looking for 5 others. Rumors they have crossed
the border and are now in Idaho, has Fourth Reich potato farmers standing guard
over their valuable crops. Personally, I am laying in extra supplies of Teton Glacier!

As an update on my last post about
the inevitable demise of “Commonwealth,” superior UK ad blog, moreaboutadvertising.com,
makes a very good point… GM says this is no more than tidying up, allowing Commonwealth to concentrate
on cars: As a SpokesNozzle puts it… “Chevrolet will launch more than 20 products globally in 2013. That is
an incredible amount of work for any advertising agency, especially a newly
formed entity that is responsible for global campaigns in 140 markets.
Therefore, Chevrolet will leverage General Motors’ existing agency network to
support the 2014 Silverado launch next year.”

But then as MAA points out… Isn’t the point of in-house agencies,
which is effectively what Commonwealth is, to handle everything? Too fucking
true, it’s all part of this “Team” bullshit the Poisoned Dwarf is a big
proponent of (having conveniently swept the smelly memory of “Enfatico”
under the rug.) It seems fucking obvious to me that for whatever reason,
Commonwealth aint working. Pretty soon, more bits will start falling off, and
it will eventually get “Grover Norquist’ed” in the bathtub of Detroit reality!

Oh dear, oh fucking dear. Even
though AdScammers know I am a big fan of Goodby Silverstein + Partners, I knew
from day one that the cobbled together relationship between Omnicom and Interpublic
was fucking doomed. After all, when you combine one BDHC (Big Dumb Holding
Company) together with another BDHC, you end up with an EBDHC (Even Bigger
& Dumber Holding Company.) It’s like strapping the Exxon Valdez on top of
the Titanic and sending it down a fucking slalom course… It aint going to work.
News
yesterday that GM is moving all its advertising for Primo brand, ugly truck, Chevy
Silverado from Commonwealth to Leo Burnett, Chicago, is the first nail in the
coffin lid. It will only get worse. I hasten to add that I have no inside
knowledge of this. But, if I was GS+P, I would be sniffing around Honda like a
fucking hound on heat right now!

I blew my Idaho Potato Vodka enhanced
coffee out of my nostrils today when reading the piece titled “The Emperor of
All Identities,” by Pamela Jones Harbour in today’s New York Times (Sorry, can’t
link ‘cos I don’t have a subscription, ‘cos I spent all my miserly food stamps
on the aforementioned Idaho Potato Vodka!!!) Anyway, this TartNozzle goes on
and on about how Google is fucking all the other players in the
Search-O-Sphere, particularly BLING… Then, when you read her pathetic fucking sign
off bio… You discover, surprise, surprise… She is a lawyer (ScumNozzle) at
Fulbright & Jaworski, where she represents technology companies… INCLUDING
MICROSOFT… Fuck me, NYT… Please, I know MS spends big bucks on advertising, but
for Christ’s sake, don’t be this fucking obvious. Best of all, because of my magic black arts, I managed to skip through the NYT's wanky firewall to get this
link to the article… And how did I achieve this miracle of modern digitalt terpsichore?… Where else but via a search on Google News… How fucking
ironic!

Pamela... You must meet loveable uncle Goebels. He has so much to teach you!