Saturday, January 18, 2014

I recently came across this recently while surfing the web, and while I initially just rolled my eyes it's been eating away at me for a while now and I feel I need to respond to it in my own small way.

Feminist

Feminism is all about choice!

Me

I choose not to be a feminist.

Feminist

Wrong choice.

This is probably the least offensive of the lot, but it almost universally stems from a misconception of what feminism is. One of the greatest victories of systematic patriarchy is instilling in the societal zeitgeist that feminism entered stasis in a timey-wimey moment between granola Lilith Fair concerts and Andrea Dworkin. For many people, feminism is a strident mass of man-haters saying that "if you're not with us, you're the enemy" and dogpiling on anyone who expresses discomfort with an aspect of the movement. It's why we get the argument of "I'm not a feminist, I'm a humanist." It's well meaning and often well thought out, but it's a worldview strongly rooted in this idea of feminism as a neo-anarchistic, amazon movement more interested in shouting down anyone who disagrees with them than the reality of the modern movement that is built entirely on dissenting views and conversation.

If anything this first argument reinforces why Second Wave Feminism had to go; the Third Wave makes this argument invalid.

Me

I choose to be Pro-Life

Feminist

Wrong choice.

This second argument immediately makes me see red, but let's take a moment and ask a much more important question:

How do you define Pro-Life?

Do you define it as, given the choice between going through with a pregnancy or terminating it you would choose the former? Because if that's how you define it, then yes, the Strawman Feminist is wrong here.

However, the term Pro-Life has become synonymous with Anti-Abortion and the systematic removal of even having that choice. In general parlance, Pro-Life means "you slept around like a whore, now you have to deal with the consequences of a baby, and there's nothing you can do about it." If the author subscribes to this definition, then there is a massive amount of privilege and tone deafness occurring, because it is saying "I get to make the choice that you shouldn't have one", which goes against everything feminism in all of its forms stand for, and the Strawperson is correct to say that this is the wrong choice.

Me

I choose to be traditional.

Feminist

Wrong choice.

Again this is a product of misinterpretation, but it's an important one. Traditionalism of course is a reactionary response to the inevitable tide of change, a desire to revert back to a time when "things made sense". By its very nature it's a delusional concept, but let's step away from high-handed tautologies and listen to what's being said: "I choose to embrace a patriarchal worldview in regards to a woman's place in it."

Now it's easy to dismiss this if the author is a man (Here it is: You are once again stating that you get the choice to deny others said choice and are therefore wrong) but let's actually have a conversation here and envision a woman saying this.

Okay, fair enough. You embrace the idea of "traditional" roles for women both at home and in the workplace. Fair enough, it's your choice and I'm not going to dismiss you for feeling comfortable in that power structure. But what about those women who choose not to embrace this system? Are you going to dismiss them for not fitting into your worldview? By the very definition of traditionalism I hear that you will because someone arguing for better pay or equal control of the household chequebook is going to upset the apple cart and endanger your comfortable structure. Once again the concern boils down to you preventing others from having the choice you yourself had.

*addendum*

Another thought that occurred to me is one of the male perspective on the other side of this debate; one of the joys of modern feminism, namely that of the rejection of traditional gender roles. From a male perspective, traditionalism prevents men from embracing "female" coding. Sometimes I personally want to be held and cared for, a "traditionally" feminine concept. By arguing that you wish to be in a traditional relationship you are stating that men must conform to a caregiver role. As noble as this may feel, it implies that men cannot be vulnerable or unsure of their position in a relationship, a demand that prevents personal growth and evolution. In itself it implies a "topping from the bottom" power dynamic that prevents an honest and human relationship between two people and promotes a static position that limits both from growing and becoming better human beings.

Me

I choose to lean conservative.

Feminist

Wrong choice.

Feminism is unquestionably a progressive movement, it has to be purely on the definition of the political spectrum, so yes, when you say you vote with a conservative bent a feminist is likely to argue with you. But if you say you lean left a conservative is going to argue with you, or a communist with argue with you if you're a capitalist, or a populist will argue if you're a monarchist. This isn't feminism, this is politics.

Me

I choose to be a stay at home mom.

Feminist

Wrong choice.

You're misconceiving again, and even then you're deluding yourself into ever thinking this was an argument. The issue was against women being told they HAD to be stay at home moms, that career was a dalliance before finding a man and becoming a baby machine. If anything this particular argument is a product of raging against this systemic worldview, not at you making the conscious choice to be a full-time mom.

Me

I choose to shave, wear makeup, high heels, and stuff.

Feminist

Wrong choice.

I really REALLY want to just write a bunch of profanity here, but I'll make an attempt at civil discourse.

The whole "Don't shave your legs, wear makeup, high heels and stuff" is a product of rejecting patriarchal views on female attractiveness. It was about fighting against the sexual double standard of what men and women were expected to do to be socially acceptable. It was never about "If you shave, wear makeup etc. you are not a good feminist", it was about "Do what makes you feel comfortable and don't let a Madison Avenue ad firm tell you what you should do."

This more than anything else is representative of that misconception of feminism; the idea that feminism is all about rejecting every aspect of the feminine and just trying to take all the coding of men for themselves.

Is there a debate about the female beauty industry? Of course there is. Is it important to be aware of what's being said to women and trying to find a more healthy way of doing it? Absolutely. But is every feminist an unshaven makeupless amazon in combat boots? No.

Me

So basically my choices are restricted to what other feminists dictate?

Feminist

Right choice.

And this closes off our charming little strawman argument, making clear what this has really all been about: Because the author has no comprehension of modern feminism, only a caricature knowledge, the author thinks that feminism is simply trying to replace the patriarchy for the matriarchy, except that it isn't actually a matriarchy, it's just another patriarchy with women in charge.

And that, sadly, is the most infuriating part of this whole piece, that the author honestly believes that women have to become men to obtain power, which is why we still need Feminism.