It wasn't the fact that Michael likes
to hunt or his spending of funds during a tight family economy that
makes this piece stand out to me as awful, nor his typically arrogant
behavior of bringing dead rabbits that had not been field dressed or
cleaned home to Debi for her to clean while he socked in the tub. The
scary part of this mess, scarier than the thought of having to dress
out long dead stinking bunny corpses, is that Debi labels a man's
hobbies as 'obsessions' with the double whammy of insisting you, the
poor little woman, have to accept his hobbies and be cheerful about
them.

What. The. Fudge!?

This is one of those rare times when I
have to take Michael Pearl's side.

Hobbies, or what Debi calls
'obsessions', aren't necessarily bad. People working hard long hours
need some sort of outlet, be it creative or not, as a way to deal
with the pressure of their lives and their jobs. How better to
accomplish relaxation than with something you have a passion for.

While it's probably inconsiderate for
Mr. Pearl to take their one car every winter Saturday to go out and
hunt, was it really so bad? He did bring the meat of the rabbits home
and do something completely divorced from his work that satisfied
some great need within him that did not involve hurting another
person.

My husband has his 'obsessions' as I do
have mine as well. He does the fantasy sports thing and rides his
motorcycle while I quilt and paint in oils for mine. I would never
consider asking Jim to ever give up either one. He has a long daily
commute, works hard to support our family without complaint. Whatever
he needs to do to relax from that is a-okay with me. It's not an
obsession, it's a stress relief, a coping mechanism. We both know
better than to try and take away a hobby from the other because life
is so much sweeter when you have an outlet like that. It is a fact
that all people need something of 'play' in their lives to stay
mentally healthy.

The sad and silly thing about Debi's
complaints, anger, attempts to manipulate him with sweetness,
attempts to get Michael to give up his 'obsession' is that she
completely misses what the 'answer' in all of this could have been
for her. She could have picked up a hobby or interest to pursue
whenever her husband decided he needed to stomp through the frozen
woods hunting rabbits. Later she sort of comes to that conclusion in
her article, talking about getting a set of materials at a garage
sale on running a business and how that knowledge helped when setting
up their No Greater Joy ministry. How studying and learning was her
answer for dealing with the times she was left behind by Michael's
'obsessions'. But she doesn't come to that conclusion before warning
her readers that they should not be involved in their own
'obsessions' because their husbands will be coming home in the middle
of what they are doing and they'll be too distracted to be proper
attentive wives. I guess she thinks that studying is easier to put
aside when Michael arrives with his rotten rabbit carcasses needing
skinning and dressing out.

As for her claims that men are the only
ones prone to obsessions, what a sweeping generalization that is! And
no, it's not linked to sex, people of all ages, sexes, walks of life
can develop a passion for an interest outside of their realm of life.
It's healthy, it's normal.

What isn't healthy or normal is denying
yourself anything outside of the tightly controlled sphere of home
and husband.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

We've written and posted too many times here and at NLQ about TLC's Duggar family, the stars of "19 Kids & Counting". You can almost tell how well or not so well the show is doing in the ratings and when the premiere of the new season is by the flood of Duggar family related news/gossip that floods the internet. 'The Duggars stop for bagels!' or 'The Duggar Family says all drag queens need Jesus!' Ridiculous minutia everywhere to keep people talking about the show and the Duggars so all that sweet, sweet cash will keep coming on in like manna to TLC and the Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar compound.

Last season there was some rating slippage and suddenly we're treated to Jill Duggar's engagement, marriage and pregnancy. This season Jessa Duggar is the bride-to-be/lil' ratings grabber. More 'exclusive' articles have been churned out by journalists on everything from choosing Jill Duggar Dillard's wedding dress to Jessa Duggar's wedding registry and more. Enough Dugger-related info to choke a mule.

So when an article appeared online this weekend at a satire site saying that "19 Kids & Counting" had been cancelled because it had come out that Michelle Duggar had supposedly given birth as a teenager to a mixed race child many Duggar fans actually believed it, not bothering to stop and consider the only source for this information was a dubious site that doesn't understand how satire and parody was supposed to work. There was a lot of angst on Duggar message boards and in some comment threads over this misunderstanding, commentary had to be erased at a couple of places due to some of the racist statements made by Duggar fans.

The Epoch Times, another site related to The National Report wrote a bit about the story being made up on a satire site and pointing out that Duggar fans had shared it thousands of times and thought it was real. This isn't the first time that The Epoch Times has had to explain that poorly thought out parody on The National Report is not true. TNR needs to rethink what they consider funny because they surely missed out on this one.

They missed a golden opportunity to actually make this all be truly funny, they could have posted an episode synopsis of "19 Kids" visiting this fake-child of Michelle's and doing something way way way out of the Duggar comfort-zone, such as having the Duggar's celebrating Kwanzaa with the new child. Think of the comedic possibilities, Jim Bob's obvious discomfort with another race, the new son trying to be too friendly to his hot new sisters, the general awkwardness of the entire situation.

Duggar fans need to start considering the source on information about the family. People magazine legit, The Onion parody. Still, it's pretty comical to think how many people believed this and were eager to believe that a fifteen year old Michelle had a child she gave up for adoption.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

I was saddened but not surprise to hear this morning that actress-singer Vanessa L. Williams (my favorite on the show "Ugly Betty") had been sexually molested at ten years old. She came out and told the story on "Oprah's Master Class"

Vanessa explained how her experience had played out in the rest of her life, her early sexual experiences, bad choices in relationships, the guilt and shame, the bout of promiscuity.

For the record, Vanessa is 51 years old now, at a point where she can look back and see the bends and turns on the road that tripped her up. I'm a few years older than her but that's where I am too.

Her admission was a huge thing for me, because, really a celebrity admitting to the whole world that she'd been victimized as a young age, knowing everyone would be talking about it? That takes real bravery, huge cajones. For her there may be consequences, it could be that she'll get less roles now, or public blowback. So far the world seems to be sympathetic.

Except for, you guessed it, Evangelical Fundamentalist Christians. You know, all those 'legitimate rape' folks, or insisting if you're raped you were obviously asking for it by your attitude or the way you were dressed, your 'worldliness' seducing those poor weak-minded men that cannot control their thoughts or their peckers.

This is why so important to communicate with our kids in a world of SEX(FLESH). ABOUT 90% OF KIDS ARE MOLESTED BEFORE THIER AGE 18...Maybe by a parent or friends BF,GF..Youare suppose to be VIRGINS until you get married. This is why we are in the state of emergency in the country. You see it on tv and on the internet. This why the lord said ONLY a woman or man should be married as a VIRGIN.The flesh is very very weak when it comes to sexual advancements and sexual immorality.. This is why God is angry with his children. This is why he destroyed the world and Sodam and Gomorrah. This is why he hates fornication, adultery and anything related to sex outside of marriage. We have more kids born today in single parents homes.. God didn't intened for it to be that way. This is why he gave Adam and woman. To fulfilled his desires. One could only imagine why God got angry with Adam. King DAVID was punished by God because of his sexual advancement to Barsheba.

That stinky false belief system is something that every single one of us that was sexually abused as a child has to deal with in Evangelical Christianity, not just famous folks, everyone that admits that something like this happened.

And the Evangelical Christian world frequently gets their facts wrong on this issue. Love All states that 90% of kids are molested by the age of 18. Not so, according to the Dept. of Justice it's 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 7 boys. Not even close to 90%.

Here are the rest of the statistics about child sexual abuse from their site -

As many as 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 7 boys will be sexually abused at some point in their childhood. 1

Most perpetrators are acquaintances, but as many as 47% are family or extended family. 1

In as many as 93% of child sexual abuse cases, the child knows the person that commits the abuse. 2

Having something like that happen to you that is beyond your control as a child doesn't make you 'diseased', 'dirty', 'disposable' or 'worthless' any more than something innocuous does. It happens to you, you're not a willing and able participant. It's like trying to say that people who get wet in a sudden rainstorm did anything to bring the rain down on them. It's not possible.

It doesn't have to 'wreck' the rest of your life and it doesn't disqualify you for marriage or God's blessings. You have nothing to feel guilty about. The only ones that should feel guilt are the abuser and those folks lacking any common sense or compassion that want to blame you for it. Evangelical Fundamental Christians, I'm looking at you.

The second reason I think what Vanessa did in telling the world about her molestation is that it took me till almost her age because I could admit to anyone that from the ages seven to nine I'd been molested by the family dentist. I tried to tell my mother, but had no real frame of reference to even explain it to her. It took two full years of me acting out, becoming uncontrollably upset and throwing up before every time I had a dental appointment for my mother to think that perhaps something was going on. To this day she thinks the dentist was rough and lacking any bedside manner, that is why I reacted as I did. We weren't close and she's never really understood me very well.

She doesn't know and I'm not about to tell her at this point because it would only make her feel guilty. I really don't see the point in inflicting pain on her now. But I think it's a good example of how we deal better in our society with childhood sexual abuse. Make sure you have the kind of close and open relationship with your child that they would immediately come to you and share with you what happened.

When my kids were little I hovered and never allowed them to be alone with just anybody. Dentist appointments, doctors, you name it, one of us always accompanied them. Our house was one of those places where all the other kids came and I was careful to keep watch over everyone under my roof. Hyper vigilance and fear.

That also means that the Evangelicals that want to lay blame on the victim just need to shut the hell up!

Debi and Mr. Love All don't know what they are talking about either. It is possible to get help, push past what happened to you, deal with it and refuse to allow it to ruin your life. I'm managed and so have many others. However, we refuse to allow anybody to treat us as a less than or ruined person over something that happened ages ago we had no control over.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

The chapter starts out with a lot of talk about how wonderful it is that all the girls share the same room before an awkward segue into being self critical over appearance.

"All of us have gone through times when we've felt we needed to lose weight. And we've all looked at the girl in the mirror and sometimes found things that just didn't seem to measure up."

I find that most curious considering in many reams of writings about the benefits of homeschooling and keeping your kids away from any popular culture claim it creates secure individuals devoid of all peer pressure or pressure to conform. Not according to the Duggar sisters.

"Suddenly the girl who looked just fine yesterday seems like a total loser today compared to all those cute girls at the mall... or your school...or your homeschool group.... or even your church."

This was followed by a long story written by Jill of taking a l.o.n.ggg time picking out an outfit for church the next morning only to see her sister Jessa the next morning and realize how great Jessa looked, leading to a frantic outfit change after rampaging through the closet, small domestic dramas about running out of hair spray, etc, etc, until she was almost late for church.

"And it all started because I compared myself to one of my sisters and felt that my appearance fell short."

Surprising how concerned with appearance Jill was. I thought from reading the other Duggar books that outward appearance was not something the Duggars spent much time worrying over, more keeping sweet and making sure the heart was right.

"It's easy for us to compare ourselves to others and think we have to be like them to measure up or to be accepted. But too often it's impossible to meet the goals of perfection we set for ourselves, and as a result, we end up dealing with all sorts of destructive feelings: poor self-worth, lack of confidence, jealousy, discontentment and so much more. Before we know it, momentary concerns about our outward appearance turn into lies about ourselves that swirl constantly through our minds, telling us, 'I'm not good enough.' 'I'm a failure.' 'Nobody loves me.'

I guess some things cut across religious and cultural lines as it seems that this is something that could have been written by any teenage girl dealing with feeling inadequate. Since the Duggar girls aren't being as bombarded by society's messages about personal perfection as frequently as most women it seems like this is an issue that pops up regardless of how carefully you've been sheltered from 'The World'

Jessa follows Jill with her own tale of feeling not good enough at a friend's birthday party, how no one complimented her on her outfit while others got told how cute they were and her realization much later that she'd given away her own personal power by allowing what the others thought control her.

Not much I can argue with there, except I keep puzzling over how much like the typical middle class American girl that goes to public high school, dates and hangs out at the local mall the Duggar sisters sound like. Very different than the homeschooled young ladies at my old church.

"This teacher said that if we reject our physical features, we reject our self-image and often assume that others will reject us, too. This assumption can cause us to make poor decisions based on our own misperception of ourselves."

That's actually a pretty healthy idea. Was this book actually written by the Duggars or ghost written by a psychologist that deals with the problems of youth in our time?

And then it all takes a sharp left hand turn into crazy fundyland thinking...

"But if we're upset with that girl in the mirror, it means we're upset with God for how He designed us. We may start to think He messed up when He designed us or even that He doesn't love us."

Gasp! It all leads back to sin! That's about all I can take of the Duggars today, folks. Interesting factoid about Chapter 1 so far there are three, count 'em, three references to worrying about if boys will find you attractive. So much for purity and true love waits and modesty and all that crap I suppose.

Monday, May 26, 2014

I had no intention of reading and
reviewing another book considering I'm way behind on reviewing both
“A Love That Multiples” by Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar and the
book by the Duggar daughters, “Growing Up Duggar”. Lately I've
been approached about doing book reviews for various folks uninvolved
with NLQ and my reviews of the Duggar products has slipped to the
back burner.

After looking at the Pearl's author
page on Amazon.com on Memorial Day afternoon I saw that Michael
(Woman do it MY way!) Pearl had written a book on sex. As much
as the idea of Michael Pearl having sex with anyone skeeves me out I
could not resist downloading and starting to read through Michael's
thoughts on having sex.

The reading so far has been by turns
laughing and wanting to hurl!

First, let me apologize. I am not Libby
Anne so this isn't going to be an intellectual take down of Pearl's
mostly vile ideas. I am someone that laughs, loves to laugh and loves
to poke fun at things. This book is giving me lots of fodder for fun.

It starts with a warning. The type of
warning you might see at the beginning of a Christian porn film (yes,
there are Christian porn films or so I've been told)

“STOP!

This material is intended for mature
audiences. Don't read this book unless you are married, have definite
plans to be married in a next few weeks, or you are an older teenager
whose parents have first read it and approve of you doing so.”

What? Is the material racy enough to
send some poor innocent into the arms of Masturbation Land? Will it
defraud them?

On the next page Michael states:

“If you don't think God meant for sex
to be fun, this book is definitely for you.”

I think everyone would agree that sex
is fun and sex in marriage is meant to be fun. How does Michael
rationalize that sex is God given fun?

“The first gift God gave to man was a
beautiful, naked woman”

Wasn't that so thoughtful of God.

Then he moves on to the 'dirty' part of
the Bible – The Song of Songs. The fact that there is such frank
talk and poetic blathering on about sex and the bride and bridegroom
impresses Michael Pearl with the comfort ancient people had with
'erotic text'. Seems like that alone might make him open to erotic
fiction. Not so.

“Unlike us, they had not surrendered
the pleasures and art of lovemaking to the depraved and base elements
of society”

Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't
these the same ancient people of Israel that were mentioned in
Genesis as being completely sexually immoral during the days of Lot?
The book of Genesis had a lot of incest, prostitution, sexual idol
worship and sleeping around in it, didn't it? Sounds to me like we
started with some depravity and base elements. You can't entirely
blame that on modern society.

“The drama gives an account of the
bride being beaten by the night watchmen of the city.”

Now that is something Mr. Pearl is
familiar with, tormenting women.

Michael goes on to claim that most of
the Song of Songs is about the woman feeling desire for her coming
bridegroom, that sh e is the initiator and pursues him to bring him
to her bed. Lots of flowery Biblical language is used in this
poorly-written tome to indicate sexual desire and sex acts. Poetic
imagery instead of more prosaic straightforward language that might
serve to educate.

“In this godly song there is no
carnal versus spiritual; all of self is unified in the experience of
marital love. The whole person --- body and soul --- is integrated
with the physical nature in perfect harmony with everything without
and within. It is only when that love is interrupted by circumstances
that there is tension, which is resolved when the lovers are once
again in passionate embrace. It is a most simple and basic view of
life, not complicated with guilt, shame, inhibition, or cultural
expectations”

Normally I might say this is actually a
good way to view sexuality... but... have we not all seen in his
wife's book, Debi Pearl's “Created To Be His Helpmeet” that this
isn't the reality for the Godly Christian Woman. It's put out the
sexual favors whenever requested no matter how ill, busy,
inappropriate the timing or any other possible reason you might not
be inclined to. Not only drop your drawers and jump into the bed, you
better be enthusiastic about it too, fake it if you don't feel it,
make him think you are just dying of desire for him and whatever
sexual request he might make.

Makes me wonder if there's some
orgasm-fakery going on too.

Michael asks these questions:

“Can erotic pleasure be as sacred as
prayer? Can the sensual and the spiritual both be the creation of
God, with equal standing?”

You know, if you didn't know Michael
Pearl and his poisonous views on women, children, discipline and how
his relationship with Debi was conducted via her book, then you might
think this book is pretty good. But sadly he's demonstrated over and
over again in his writings, Youtube videos and on his website that
he's all about control, with his as the patriarch doing the
controlling.

I leave you with these words from this
book to ponder till next week.

“Contrary to popular sentiment, it is
only the righteous who truly enjoy the pleasures of sexual love.”

I don't have a problem with people acting as servants or servers of those they genuinely desire to do as a blessing. It's like I don't mind serving my own husband dinner as he sits heavily down at the dinner table, tired and worn out from a hard day at work. I want to bless him and honor him for the work he does to support our family out of his love by serving him out of my own love for him.

Where the problem is with Nancy and her insisting that all mothers must sacrifice and serve is in the hide-bound insistence that this is the only role a woman should have and the only way to run a family. Things like this simply make my blood boil -

As the years have moved on, I realize more and more that it is a privilege to serve.
It is innately in us as mothers to serve. We only reject it because of
our selfishness, and in the end we miss out. For God blesses us when we
serve. We are fulfilled when we serve. We are born to serve.

No, I don't think it is innately in anyone to serve and to pretend otherwise is disingenuous, like much of what Nancy claims. Most of us that serve and serve our families do it out of love, not duty, not gender role, not out of hormones but out of deepest love for our family.

The whole gendered aspect she pushes for service is repellent to me as well. Last night I watched a documentary on a woman who falsely confessed to a murder she didn't commit in order to protect a beloved family member. It's a film named "Half Ton Killer"

Now, that's not the service/servanthood I'm talking about, it's what her husband did to lovingly serve her, Mayra Rosales, for you see Mayra was significantly impaired by lypodemia and obesity. He alone cared for her, bathed her, helped her with her daily needs without complaint. When asked why he said he did it because he loved Mayra.

Under Nancy Campbell's guidelines of women serving their families and men being the leader/taskmaster/head there is no room for a man to serve his wife, or his kids. Servant hood is a female designation related to motherhood. What would Nancy say to the gentle massaging of lotion into her flesh that her husband does. The helping her empty her bladder?

Personally I thought it was touching to see a man helping his wife with serious medical issues stay alive with such tenderness.

Serving others is such a necessary thing, such a good work that I always admire those that do it selflessly without any hope of compensation. This world needs more Mr. Rosales, Mother Theresas, Jesuses, the lady that volunteers at the soup kitchen, the man helping kids to read in the schools, hospital visitors, lovers of people and way less Nancy Campbells with their limiting to what serving others should be.

For me personally serving others always makes me feel like I'm the one getting. But I'm not willing to put up with that service being limited by small mindedness.

Plus there is a happy ending to Mayra Rosales sacrifice of trying to cover for a family member. It brought Mayra and her day to day challenges with her health into the spotlight of those that had the power to help her. She's now lost over 800 pounds and has hopes to adopt her sister's children. I hope she is successful in getting the children.

When I googled for an image or a servanthood mother to put with the NLQ piece most of the images were of Mother Theresa and other nuns, not smiling Stepford Evangelical wives, which really tickled me.

Friday, April 11, 2014

This portion of the Foreword was titled "Racing Against Time" and details how Michelle and Jim Bob prayed the above prayer years before they were anywhere near the public radar screen. They state that the prayer was also humbly asking God to keep all of them on the right track, but in reality there's not much humble about that type of thinking as it presumes that their way is the only right way, more of a 'use us, oh God, because we are the most righteous!'

What follows is more humble brag about how humbled the sisters are to have helped reach millions of people for Christ during the television show and how awesome the unique opportunity they've been given to reach girls and young women on their own, what a Christ-like way their parents have modeled for them.

Does anyone know a person that has been 'saved' or accepted Jesus because of the Duggar show '19 Kids and Counting'? I think believing that others are saved through their show is a stretch at best. Truthfully, most of the viewers seem to be Evangelicals like the Duggar family, or because of the sort of freakshow aspect of the Duggars, no different than watching "Honey Boo Boo Child" or "Dance Moms". Most Americans cannot imagine raising nineteen children at once.

The next section is labeled "Making a Difference in Your Relationships" and starts with talking of all the things the Duggar parents have instilled in the kids to make sure their relationships are strong and close without fractiousness. How to smooth over familial conflict.

Sounds good doesn't it? Normally I would say keeping peace among siblings is a good thing, but let's face it, that's about the only 'others' that the Duggar kids have relationships with. They lack any of the essential daily interactions most children get and learn from. How to deal with people that don't necessarily like you, people different than you, resolving conflicts with those that don't share your views. You learn from those relationships with people who aren't your relatives. This is another way the Duggar way of life has ill-prepared their children for adult life.

"And then there's the really hot topic we're asked about a lot: boys. That's a relationship that is frequently considered by just about every girl we know---including the four oldest Duggar girls! As we write this, we're waiting for the young man God has for us---if marriage is in the future He plans for us. Meanwhile, we've thought a lot about what we want in a future husband and how we anticipate courtship will happen . As you might expect, it's pretty different from the way many couples interact these days. For one thing, it may surprise you to know it doesn't involve typical dating, but what we call courtship--- or 'dating with a purpose' "

Ah, and just like that it becomes obvious that the book and all the courtship and engagement news emerging about the Duggars might just be Jim Bob Duggar's newest scheme to keep the money flowing and the interest in his family's show alive now that Michelle's quiver has been devoid of new life for something like several years now. Jill is engaged as of this writing and Jessa is courting, both to young men Daddy Duggar hand picked as worthy.

If I was Jana I would be upset that dad had picked suitors for my two younger sisters and none for me. But perhaps as the eldest young woman in the house Michelle couldn't do without her help. That 'if marriage is in the future He plans for us.' gives me chills thinking of Jana. Run, Jana, run!

"We hope this book will inspire you to let the love of God and His Son Jesus Christ empower you to make a difference through the relationships that fill your own life."