Thursday, July 08, 2010

Pachydermia

The First Fall 2010 issue of Knitty is live, and my contribution to the potluck is Flo, a little elephant with an interesting history.

My inner six-year-old is unable to look at that picture without feeling compelled to share some of my very favorite elephant jokes. (Please set aside your juice boxes before proceeding.)

How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card before he goes into the yarn shop.

Why did the elephant cross the road?

To get to the yarn shop on the other side.

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

Because they need something to do while they wait for the yarn shop to open.

What did the grape say to the elephant?

Nothing–grapes can't talk! But if grapes could talk, the grape would have asked for directions to the yarn shop.

If you see an elephant in your car, what time is it?

Time to drive the elephant to the yarn shop.

Midwest Fiber and Folk Art Fair

My inner six-year-old is also busting with anticipation because next week (July 16-18) is the annual Midwest Fiber and Folk Art Fair in Grayslake, Illinois. Have you been? This year I get to not only go and wander around the market, the art show, and the exhibits, but I'm also teaching.

The problem with teaching, of course, is that I can't also take classes, and my friends Edie Eckman (the knitting and crochet sorceress who taught me intarsia without killing me) and Carol Rhoades (of Spin Off and PieceWork magazines, et al., and on whom I have the most uncontrollable schoolboy crush) are also in the line-up.

My favourite 6-year-old elephant joke, with the answer given by an actual 6-year-old.Me: why are elephants wrinkly?Her: because they can't afford Botox?...Now i need to knit an adorable elephant - and i know just where to find one! ;)

I might have to knit a pink one. When I was 19 or so my parents had to come get me from jail one morning, where I landed after being picked up drunk and driving (I don't do this anymore, blame it on not having my brain fully developed yet, OK?), and driving back in the very early morning we passed a car dealership (in Salem or Peabody MA) that had a giant pink elephant on the lot. It was pretty hard not to laugh uproariously... I did chuckle.

The joke currently being continously repeated in our child laden home? "Where do you take a horse when he gets sick?""To the FARM-acy"

That elephant is so very adorable. Last year I crocheted an elephant for a baby shower gift, lamenting all the while that there were no knitted elephant patterns to be found. No more! I can't wait to make one!

Yeah, you're not fooling me either by naming the elephant Flo. In my circles, she'd have been named Aunt Flo. Elephant/knitting related jokes: What's old and purple and wrinkled? Grape Grandma. (oops, not knitting related, though she did knit) How can you tell an elephant has been in the yarn store? The cashmere smells like peanuts and there's no more hay in the Noro. Next one is a bit twisted. What do elephants use for Kotex? Sheep. (Don't tell Delores.)

To paraphrase another Flo, "Well, I think it's cute and if you don't, you can kiss mah grits!"

Seriously, I'd love to see how you'll transform Flo into a wooly mammoth or mastodon. Why? So you can give one to your ever-adorable niece -- the one who was the model for your "Littlest Democrat" sweater.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?It was dead.Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?It was dead.Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?It was dead.Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?It was tied to the monkeys.

I know it's silly but I saw you today at the Midwest fiber and folk art Festival. But too shy to say hello, I know silly girl! I just wanted to say I felt like I was seeing a celebrity. Hubby has been teasing me all night for not saying hello, but wanted you to know I love your blog!

To this day I cannot hear an elephant joke without remembering being in a campground in Rotterdam in 1963 where a 10-year-old from London, Ontario, was trying to tell elephant jokes to several Dutch college students who just did not understand the whole concept. Sorry, had to have been there.

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