ISAACS PICTURE CONCLUSIONS ~ WATCHING YOU FROM YOUR CLOSET SINCE 1971

*THE FOLLOWING IS AN ACTUAL CONVERSATION THAT HAPPENED ELECTRONICALLY BETWEEN TWO LIVING PEOPLE. SPOILERS MAY FOLLOW* PEN: OH JESUS CHRIST, Clam!!! What the fuck did we watch?? What a load of fucking bollocks :CLAM PEN: HAHAHAHA!!! BOLLOCKS is right!! Speaking of bollocks – WHAT THE FUCK WAS WITH HIM CUTTING OFF THE GUY’S BALLS AND THEN EATING THEM???!?!?!?!??! If the whole film had been made up of moments like that I wouldn’t have minded! It was gross but…..horror movie gross, you know? :CLAM PEN: […]

Sure, we all know what comes OUT of your bottom but what about the stuff we put in it? I recently studied a grown man inserting various items into his rectum and the following case is pure scientific fact! I present: THE TOP TEN THINGS LUKE ABBOTT PUTS UP HIS BUTT! * # 1O: THE IRISH#9: WOMEN’S HOSIERY#8: MAC AND CHEESE#7: HIS LITTLE BROTHER’S IPAD#6: BARRISTER WIGS#5: WORCESTERSHIRE SAUCE#4: BOBBIES#3: MY OLD 1956 FORD PICKUP#2: THE TOWER OF LONDON AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND […]

SUBMITTED BY: (FILM GRIMOIRE) The Starving Games (2013) Happy Shitfest everyone! This notoriously shitty film is one of those lame parody films, a trend which hopefully will end really soon. This is a parody of The Hunger Games (2012), which you would never be able to guess from the title. The Starving Games (2013) tells the story of Kantmiss Evershot (Maiara Walsh), who lives in District 12, a place where there is no food and everyone is totally starving. Blah […]

SUBMITTED BY: Insurgent continues a series tradition by being a painfully generic pubescent daydream preaching a cookie cutter message about being a special snowflake. Pros: Some special effects sequences look nice, capturing the jarring dissonance of a bad dream. Some practical sets are comparatively inviting next to the rest of the film, although it’s always more exciting to climb over rubble than to walk down a hallway. Octavia Spencer delivers her role briefly, with more professionalism and emotion than the […]

SUBMITTED BY: Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015) [Shitfest Review] Hot Tub Time Machine 2 is the sequel that nobody asked for. A sequel that I didn’t think I would even see the light of day after the absolute pile of wank that Hot Tub Time Machine 1 was. It takes our 3 best buds (Rob Corddry, Craig Robinson, Clark Duke) minus the only reason to really watch the first one (John Cusack) and sends them into the future to […]

Originally posted on The Vern's Video Vortex.:I know I’m suppose to be on vacation right now,but after reading Eric from The IPC’s thoughts on Birdman(Or The Unexpected Virtues of Ignorance). I think it’s only fair for me to write about a real pretentious piece of shit that many of you actually enjoyed watching. The Avengers Age of Ultron Now when it was first announced that they are going to be doing an Avengers flick back in 2012. I…

SUBMITTED BY: Lame-Ass Movies About Space That Suck Balls I’m sure this post isn’t going to make me very popular around here, but I feel how I feel about these things and it’s gotta be said. Be it resolved that movies about space that don’t have any bloody aliens or sweet ass spaceships or apes taking over the planet or Steve Buscemi gettin’ his last earthly lap dances on before he has to go away possibly forever are stupid […]

Our story goes . . . one particularly uneventful Saturday evening, on a particularly starry night, in the early weeks of 1981, two boys, having never met, watch the same episode of BBC’s The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Hours later, they both dream the same dream of being Arthur Dent (and totally making it with Trillian) when Zaphod Beeblebrox initiates the Heart of Gold’s Infinite Improbability Drive. When they awoke, their fears that the dream was real are found […]

In 7.5 hours from the time of this post a handful of us will converge to watch the movie Preservation right here!! This will be absolutely fantastic! I can’t even wait!! Want to join in on the fun?? Join us later and get in on the good times!! Clothing optional!!! Talk in a bit!! Also – since this is my post and not a guest post – I’m going to go ahead and plug something. Things are moving for my […]

SUBMITTED BY: Speed 2: Cruise Control or something Jan de Bont filmed while he was on acid is probably one of the absolute worst pieces of crap I’ve ever had the displeasure of seeing so I thought it would be fitting that this movie is my entry for Shitfest. I was, like many others a big fan of the first one, but the sequel and the idea behind it seemed like a disaster waiting to happen. The movie finds Sandra […]

SUBMITTED BY: Thanks as always to Eric for doing an awesome job planning this Shit!!!! Whenever that wonderful time of year for Shitfest comes around, I always get worried. AS you all probably know, I love to watch movies; but the I generally enjoy watching “good” movies that give me that warm tingly feeling when it’s all over. But for Shitfest, I have a very difficult task to complete and that is either (1) find a movie that I know […]

SUBMITTED BY: (CINEMA PARROT DISCO) Crystal Fairy & The Magical Cactus Directed by Sebastián Silva Starring: Michael Cera Gaby Hoffmann Plot Synopsis: (via IMDB) As Jamie (Michael Cera) travels in Chile, he invites an eccentric woman (Gaby Hoffmann) to join his group’s quest to score a fabled hallucinogen, a move that finds him at odds with his new companion, until they drink the magic brew on a beach at the edge of the desert. My Opinion: I’m really sick of […]

Throughout the ages, we have looked upon this mysterious world we live in and asked some important questions: Where do we come from? Where are we going? How have The Simpsons been on TV for so damned long? There have been others as well. Why can’t broccoli taste like chocolate? Why do we sink slowly in quicksand? Who thought 158 goddamned minutes of people singing an adaptation of an 1862 French novel would be a good idea? Pop Quiz! It’s not that singing in […]

SUBMITTED BY: Wrestlers Vs Zombies (2015) Movie Reviews 101 would like to bring you this complete and utter piece of shit to this years Shitfest please don’t enjoy the film or ever watch it, here is why. Wrestlers versus Zombies seems like a brilliant idea for a film because we can get a group a famous wrestlers just kick zombies fucking asses. I mean you look at this cast Rowdy Roddy Piper who was stunning in They Live! Remember ‘I […]

SUBMITTED BY: Scarface – Shitface(d) Scarface is an overglorified piece of gangster garbage“ You heard it hear first folks. Never before has one dared take on Brian De Palma’s ‘masterpiece’ with such distaste and admonishment. What’s that? You can’t believe the cult aficionados haven’t hunted me down and hung me from a helicopter yet? Well, believe it baby. But maybe a story first. This is how I would have preferred Shitface to play out. —- “I need to know,” Tony […]

Sorry to bust into Shitfest like this but I need to address something and ask a few questions. It looks like Shitfest is going to go well into August so I wanted to do this now – As some of you may know, I’ve had a movie rolling around in my mind for several years now. It’s a hard R rated, Grindhouse style throwback about drug smuggling, murder and, of course, lots of skin. Well, I wrote a treatment for […]

Shitfest has been pretty awesome so far. Vinnieh has given us a ‘perhaps too insightful’ look at the life of male strippers, I now know to stay away from Leprechaun as if my life depended on it (Jennifer Aniston is just the bait – IT’S NOT WORTH IT!), and Unfriended still has me in stitches right now. But it’s time to ramp things up. Enter the devilishly handsome Oracle of Film (a.k.a me), reigning champion and tree-lover. For my Shitfest […]

Originally posted on filmnerdblog:I was chatting on The Twitter with my good friends Emma and Eric, the other day, and we were saying how much we liked Dog Soldiers, and how much fun it was and how it’d be even funner still if we all watched it together. So they’re coming over here tomorrow and we’re going to watch this shit out of this thing. We’ll be chatting throughout (down there in the comments section) if you’re at all…

At the beginning of Shitfest I asked if anyone wanted to do a Shitfest Social like we have before and the answer was pretty much yes assuming we could find the right time. I would LOVE to do another one so here are the options. The best time for ME is on a Wednesday starting anywhere from 12:30 to 1:30 U.S. Central time. With our current time standards (and since a lot of readers here are in the UK / […]

SUBMITTED BY: Tried this format to change things up. Had a feeling LEPRECHAUN would be a movie that would not be fun to watch without distracting myself, so I figured I’d comment as the movie progressed. 0:20 – First image of the Leprechaun ain’t so bad. 0:45 – Oh never mind. He looks like a poorly drawn Celtics logo. If they kept him in shadow we would all be better off. 1:20 – This theme is terrible. Sounds like a […]

SUBMITTED BY: Love and Betrayal: The Mia Farrow Story (1995) I know not every film enthusiast is enthused by Woody Allen. It’s easy to see why: his work follows a similar formula and he gets his kicks from metropolitan lifestyles and May/December romances. And he can be mighty pretentious on numerous occasions. Did I mention the scandal regarding him and former flame Mia Farrow which resulted in child molestation accusations and Woody running off with Mia’s adopted daughter? Err… If […]

ENTRY BY: AKA Written by: Jordan Dodd aka the Epileptic Moondancer. Do you remember, way back, when catching up with friends was fun? We’d watch a movie or a dumb TV show, or maybe something more. But it was a social experience. We ‘hung out’. THAT SHIT IS DEAD. UNDERSTAND? Nowadays, friends of mine take out their phone, or their bloody tablet, as soon as they arrive, chatting to other people or sending twitter messages along the lines of “Hi! […]

SUBMITTED BY: Shitfest Summer 2015: Magic Mike(2012) A quick disclaimer before I begin my first entry into Shitfest. This review is written from the differing points of view of two people; the articulate and imaginative Vinnie that you all know and love, and his virile, x-rated Adonis of an alter ego The Satrap of Sin, who is if you haven’t guessed it a male stripper. With Vinnie’s take, you’ll get the usual highly descriptive and critical work of a film […]

ENTRY BY: YOURS TRULY Those of you that know me – whether online or in real life – know that I’m a rather down to Earth, easy going guy that talks slow and gets to the point. I don’t like a lot of fuss and despite my online presence I’m actually a pretty shy fucker. I don’t like a lot of noise, I don’t like standing in an elevator with more than one other person, I don’t poop at work […]

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REQUIEM FOR A DREAM
SABOTAGE
HORRIBLE BOSSES 2
LAND OF THE DEAD
UNDER STILL WATERS
THE VOICES
CAM2CAM
BOSCH
STONEHEARST ASYLUM
LA FEMME NIKITA
FUN SIZE HORROR: VOLUME ONE
SOME GUY WHO KILLS PEOPLE
BROKEN SIDE OF TIME
LADIES OF THE HOUSE
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THE COOL SURFACE
SCENIC ROUTE
TORMENTED
THE RAID: REDEMPTION
RUN ALL NIGHT
CREEP (2014)
THE UNWANTED
DARK PLACES
MAGGIE