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Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Under the Watchful Eye

I’m having some unexpected difficulties plotting my current novel due to
a peculiarly British phenomenon: the obsession with putting CCTV cameras on,
well, everything. Now, other countries have CCTV, but none deploy them with the
alacrity of the British.

“Big Brother is Watching You.” ― George Orwell, 1984

To be brief, the villain in my story needs to push a hapless victim onto
the railroad tracks, and it needs to look like an accident, but with an
estimated camera-to-civilian ratio of 1 to 32, it is patently impossible to
pick your nose, scratch your arse or, more to the point, throw someone under a
train, without it being captured on the current equivalent of video. Even the
most remote, rural railway station I could find was bristling with CCTV
cameras. It is truly disheartening.

And the thing is, this only causes problems for people like me. If I go
ahead and write that scene, people will read it and toss the book aside,
thinking, “What rubbish! If anyone tried to do something like that they would
be spotted on CCTV!” And because the public has this perception, my job is
harder (are you feeling sorry for me yet?), but the sad truth is, my villain
most likely could get away with it because, despite the proliferation of
cameras, they never seem to capture any criminals.

We spend billions of pounds in this country monitoring every corner of
every city, village and hamlet but all I have ever seen on the local news are
grainy shots of grey blobs with hoods stretched over their heads walking away
from whatever mayhem they have caused while the voice over pleads to the entire
nation, “If you recognize these people, call 999-1984.”

C'mon, cut a guy a break!

Surely those billions of pounds could be better spent putting a few more
bobbies on the beat to catch these miscreants red-handed. Though I fear that
would do little good, either.

I can’t tell you how many times I have shouted at the telly (someone has
to do it) while watching one of those “Cops With Cameras Instead of Guns”
shows, where drunken reprobates careen in a stolen car through narrow village
streets ejecting beer bottles and bags of dope while crashing into property,
other vehicles and cops cars until, after crashing into the wall of a 14th century
church and destroying the chapel, they jump out of the car the lead the police (and
the helicopter) on a merry chase before finally being brought to heel by the
K-9 Squad in someone’s back garden. All I can think is how much this all cost
in terms of man-hours, equipment, damage, etc., but at the end of the segment,
the announcer joyfully relates how the passenger in the vehicle was later
released without charge and the driver was taken to the local police station
where he was given a very stern warning.

That's when my wife usually changes the channel.

The fact is, all this CCTV data is good for is to provide footage for
the above-mentioned shows.

And, of course, to keep my villain from throwing someone under a train.

After a while, you just get used to being on TV 24/7. As mentioned in the post, the danger is not in getting arrested, it's more a case of having something stupid you do end up on You've Been Framed (a UK candid camera show--do they have YBF in the US?) or going viral on YouTube. But I just know you'll behave;)

Ooh, now that's a threat for sure! We used to have Candid Camera, but of course that was staged. The closest equivalent is probably America's Funniest Home Videos (basically a lot of people falling over--not my idea of entertainment).

Maybe you could call someone who oversees these cameras and ask if there's a way this could feasibly happen. Of course, they might suspect that you are planning to do this stunt yourself--which could earn you a little extra surveillance....

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