Advice on marriage? Why do I still feel this way (Sorry for long post)?

So my husband told me last night he wants a divorce and he doesn't want us to be together anymore but feels like we should because he feels obligated to take care of me and protect me. I've been feeling really distant from him ever since we moved back to his hometown a few weeks ago because he's been leaving me at home everyday to hang out with his friends and I wouldn't see him or have any time with him until he came home to go to sleep. So last night I asked him to tell me if he still wanted us together and to be honest because obviously I wasn't his top priority anymore and I felt like I was holding him back from what he wants to do because when your married your not supposed to leave your wife home to hang with your friends EVERYDAY. So he told me ^^^. I was devastated and shocked. He told me sorry and left to go again pick up his friend. I texted my mother and my best friend and told them what happened I busted out in tears. Then like 10 minutes later he texts me and says "I'm sorry, I do want to be with you, I'm just overthinking things" then a little later he comes home and says "can we forget about this talk we had. I'm gonna stop doing what I'm doing and spend more time with you and focus on us and our marriage because I do want to be with you and I would never find any one else like you." So I said yeah I'd work it out but obviously I won't fucking forget what happened. It's the next day and I still feel like crap and feel like I'm broken and can't shake the feeling of what I felt when he told me that. Will this feeling ever go away? I should feel better that he wants to work it out but I don't 😔

What Guys Said 2

There are some hurt that don't heal for a longtime and this ( by what you said ) could easily become one of them. What he said no doubt was like being kicked in the stomach. Against my better judgement I am going to say give him the benefit of the doubt... This time. Give it I very short amount of time to CHANGE completely. If it does then so be it , that will show he was serious , how ever if it doesn't or the change is short lived leave him and let him have his other life

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Asker

That's what I plan to do. I mean I told him I'm not trying to tell you don't hang out with your friends. I would just like you to make more time for me and to make me your top priority because your married to me not your friends! But if things don't change im leaving because I don't want to spend my life this way and we're both young! We should be enjoying life together that's what marriage is

I don't know , being married for 18 years not once has a friend actually took priority over my wife. Don't get me wrong now I get out with the guys and I have help several out on occasion , but abandoning her like dude did you... Ahhhh hell no

I don't know, that's the thing I'm trying to see, if he's willing to change for me now, because I'm not trying to waste years with him trying to see if I'll be content with this lifestyle. He made a commitment so he needs to honor it or I'm leaving and finding someone else to meet my needs.

I can't tell exactly what he told you... text seems odd at that point. But, if you do not have kids yet... don't get pregnant till things are worked out. I would suggest a good marriage counselor. They can do wonders. You are both still young enough to make a break and move on and find others that will be the right one for each of you... should you go that way.Marriage is hard and takes a lot on both partners to make it work. Don't settle either.

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What Girls Said 1

Yeah been here.. This fucking sucks.. 13 years together now. But about 8 years ago I was pregnant with our daughter & we had a talk like yours. . Yes it sucks yes it hurts but I did get over it god only knows what men really go through at times they are not as vocal as women. If he changes his behavior just hang in there. If he don't then he does not appreciate nor value your marriage enough I would walk away.