Joke of the day

Every man needs a go-to joke.

Monday

Joke
N°
4755

Rich Man, Poor Man
A rich man and a poor man have the same wedding anniversary. They're both strolling along Madison Avenue after shopping for their wives. The poor man asks the rich man: "What did you get your wife this year?"
"I got her a Mercedes and a huge diamond ring," he replies.
"Why did you get her both?" the poor man asks.
"If she doesn't like the ring, she can take it back happy," the rich man replies.
"What did you get your wife?" the rich man inquires.
"A pair of slippers and a dildo," the poor man replies.
"Why did you get her that?" the rich man asks.
"If she doesn't like the slippers, she can go screw herself!" Ryan Murphy

Tuesday

Joke
N°
4756

Terms of Endearment
A guy is walking around in a supermarket yelling: "Crisco, Crisco?"
A store clerk says to him: "Sir, the Crisco is in aisle five."
He says: "I'm not looking for Crisco, I'm calling my wife."
The clerk says: "Your wife is named 'Crisco'?"
He says: "No, I only call her that in public."
The clerk says: "What do you call her when you're home?"
"Lard ass." Ryan Murphy

Wednesday

Joke
N°
4757

A Hippo Walks into a Bar
A hippopotamus walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer.
"That will be $7.50, please," says the bartender.
So the hippo gives the bartender his money and starts to sip his beer.
"You know, we don't get very many hippos in here," mutters the bartender.
The hippo replies: "At these prices, it's no wonder!" Ryan Murphy

Thursday

Joke
N°
4758

First Day on the Job
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said: "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."
"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager: "Here, give me the broom -- I'll show you how." Ryan Murphy

Friday

Joke
N°
4759

Successful Chicken Farmer
A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says: "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions. What is your occupation?"
The woman replies: "I'm a high-priced whore."
The accountant balks and says: "No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that."
The woman says: "OK, I'm a high-end call girl."
"No, that is still too crude. Try again."
They both think for a minute, then the woman states, "I'm a successful chicken farmer."
The accountant asks: "What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a call girl?"
"Well, I raised over 5,000 little peckers last year!" Ryan Murphy

Saturday

Joke
N°
4760

Getting Hammered
The judge says to a double-homicide defendant: "You're charged with beating your colleague to death with a hammer."
All of a sudden a voice at the back of the courtroom yells out: "You bastard!"
The judge says: "You're also charged with beating your supervisor to death with a hammer."
The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out: "You f*cking bastard!"
The judge stops, and says to the guy in the back of the courtroom: "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime. But no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that a problem?"
The guy in the back of the court stands up and says: "It sure is. For 15 years, I've lived next door to that bastard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one." Ryan Murphy

Sunday

Joke
N°
4761

Stern Warning
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently scold the child.
Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said: "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."
Johnny looked up and replied: "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned." Ryan Murphy