Confounding celebrity news . . . According to a very scientific poll conducted over the course of several years by esteemed researchers at absolute-last-resort-reading-at-the-hair-salonStar magazine, Gwyneth Paltrow was voted a more “hated” celebrity than presumed celebrity adulterers Ashton Kutcher and Jesse James; known American-empire adulterers Kim and Kris Kardashian, and accused domestic-abuse perpetrator Chris Brown. This revelation seems to reflect worse on Star readers than it does on Paltrow herself, who has never been accused of assaulting a significant other (as far as we know) or wearing see-through maternity clothing. DoStarreaders really abhor the Oscar winner who just wants to share her money-saving, makeup, and go-to-cleanse tips—no matter how impractical and ungrounded they may seem—more than the man who is widely believed to have cheated on America’s Sweetheart Sandra Bullock?! (The only acceptable explanation of his comparatively low ranking being that voters were confused on which “Jesse James” was intended in the poll.)

In otherStar-reader-preference news, voters also did not especially care for Kristen Stewart (#2), Angelina Jolie (#15), or Lindsay Lohan (#16)—which seems curious considering how many tabloid covers the aforementioned personalities appear on and presumably sell.