While searching for real news this morning, it was impossible to miss the front-page story in the Arizona Republic about dating "cougars." You know, older women, MILFs -- Mrs. Robinson, Stifler's Mom.

The funny, feline-flavored fluff article by reporter Megan Finnerty is based on an upcoming "event' at a Scottsdale resort called MEOW: Men Enjoying Older Women. "Cougar" is a "tongue-in-cheek" term for "women typically older than 40 who prefer to date men at least a smidge younger," writes Finnerty, for whom 40 probably seems eons away.

The mainstream news article pussyfoots through this definition, of course. We all know "cougar" is more like a tongue-in-something-else term based on the other, more catty slang-word.

Finnerty then quotes a 34-year-old dude who says he finds older women are "really just happier to be alive."

Hilarious.

We learned about new TV shows about cougars, the upcoming Miss Cougar America contest, practicing a "sexy walk," the awkwardness of "cougar-cub canoodling" (we love that word), and how many women over 40 these days look fantastic.

And really, what's not to like about older women? These seductresses, says another guy in his 30s, "'avoid small talk, don't expect gifts, free meals or game-playing," and they call you the day after a date, apparently hungry for more.