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Ted Cruz Commercial Tries to Exploit Children for “World Domination” Again

The Ted Cruz campaign has issued an advertisement targeting Donald Trump for his support of eminent domain.

THE NEW TED CRUZ CAMPAIGN COMMERCIAL

The new advertisement features very young children behaving badly. The children play with dolls while discussing bank failures and eminent domain. One doll, the “Trump Action Figure,” looks vaguely like Donald Trump, only prettier.

The children slam the dolls into a large doll house, laughing. The announcer declares, “We wouldn’t tolerate these values in our children. Why would want them in a president?” Two scared adults — presumably their parents — peak around the corner to see the horrific behavior of these young children brought to us by original sin.

DONALD TRUMP SUPPORTS EMINENT DOMAIN

The main target of the commercial is rival and front-runner Donald Trump who supports eminent domain. When Trump wanted a parking lot and limousine area for his namesake Trump Tower, he tried to take a home from an elderly woman Vera Coking, but he lost in court.

AND NOW BACK TO OUR COMMERCIAL…

COMMERCIAL CREATES CONTROVERSY

The commercial caused much outrage. People with little to do other than stand on the street corner shooting bottle caps or typing things online to pump up their egos rushed to exclaim their outrage and intelligence. Since nobody reads YouTube comments except those trying to pump up their egos (like some reporters at Newscast Now), we thought we would share some highlights here.

Tommy Boy Great job exploiting kids Cruz. Seems not to [sic] long ago you were upset that someone brought your kids in the mix. Seems you only like using kids when it benefits you. What a hypocrite.

PALIN SMITH Infantile ad from a slick nasty career politician. Oh, did I say he was a Harvard lawyer? Why does he continue to use children as pawns in his political ads? Why won’t his own daughter kiss him good bye? Huh?

Animal Mother Ted Cruz’s own daughter wouldn’t even hug him, I wonder how he convinced these kids to do this commercial.

Sergio Mata This is really stupid, what kind of nonsense is this crap??? There’s 3 pages exclusively about eminent domain in the Keystone Pipeline and Cruz is all for it.

In the end, or at least at press time here, the video had 244,375 views, with 2,666 liking it and 2,423 not liking it.

The lack of popularity did not stop the Ted Cruz campaign from re-posting the very same video at the same account, hoping for different results. As Ted Cruz explained earlier, he will head back to the drawing board to “take over the world, world domination, all that sort of stuff.”

If he fails at world domination, at least he can brainwash children, or be in a “teen tit film.” Or maybe he should have done that when he was 18.

COMMERCIAL IS VERY REALISTIC

As anyone who has children knows, children routinely break out in spontaneous political quotes and smash their toys while their big parents hide helplessly, tolerating these values in their children. This is all realistic.

CHILD EXPLOITATION CLAIMS

To investigate the above YouTube claims including exploitation, hypocrisy, using children, and nonsense, Newscast Now snuck into the Facebook face recognition database, found out who the curly headed kid was, and ambushed him at the bus stop while he was waiting one morning for a pick-up to go to elementary school. We asked him if he really knew what he was talking about. The curly haired kid told us:

Why certainly I am fully cognizant of the ramifications of the 2008 banking failure, and I have reviewed the scholarly materials intensely in between playing with toys, smashing doll houses, and receiving pecuniary gain for my fledgling acting career. In fact, global financial cohesion has been threatened. America is facing a growing economic apocalypse which may constitute the most enormous collapse ever seen — even worse than the Great Depression. How dare your tabloid journalistic enterprise ambush me in front of my own domicile to claim that somehow I lack integrity? You like my Star Wars lunchbox?

So much for brainwashing children. This child was clearly not brainwashed. Ted Cruz is going to need to try his third choice: the teen tit film. His father will be very proud. In the meantime, the Newscast Now announcer concludes, “We wouldn’t tolerate these values in our presidents. Why would we want them in a contender?” George W. Bush disagrees.

Editor’s note: the featured picture here has faces obscured to protect the children.