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Reader’s Dilemma: Should I Date Around Before I Get Engaged to the Only Boyfriend I’ve Ever Had?

It’s the norm to have multiple boyfriends before getting engaged. But there’s a big group of gals out there (myself included!) who only have one serious relationship before they have engagement rings on their fingers. And sometimes, that leads to questions like this

Writes mascaragirl: “I've only had one boyfriend, never dated any other guys. I've been with him almost two years. We're both in college and extremely happy. Everyone keeps nagging me to date other guys, but I can't stand the thought. I love this guy and we want to get married when we're out of college. My family adores the guy, but they also suggest dating others to make sure he's what I want. How do I tell them to be quiet, that I'm happy, and that I don't want to go anywhere else?”

Here’s what I think: I totally relate. When I was months away from getting engaged (not that I knew it), an acquaintance of mine who had broken up with her long-term boyfriend told me, “You have to break up. It’s the only real way to know if he’s the one.” And for a split-second I considered her advice, especially because she had recently reunited with said boyfriend and seemed to be happier than ever, but here’s why I didn’t do it:

I didn’t need to.

Some ladies do need a break, a relationship rumspringa, or they’ll always wonder, “What if?” I’m not one of those ladies, and I suspect you aren’t either, mascaragirl. Plus, being with someone else, if only temporarily, didn’t sit right with me. Even getting into bed with an exceptionally hot guy was a bit of a turnoff simply because he wasn’t Paul. Then there was the probability that Paul and I would always be jealous of anyone we dated during that break, and that wouldn’t make our renewed relationship much fun.

But I know that being sure you want to get engaged to your boyfriend is only half the battle; you still want to quiet those naysayers.

My mom had a great response to the people who asked her if she wished I’d break up with Paul before we got engaged. “Why would I want her to get her heart broken a bunch of times only to come back to the guy she knows is the one for her?” Right on, Mom. True, there’s plenty to learn from heartbreak, but you can pick up the bulk of those lessons from your forlorn friends.

So when your family and friends suggest that you break up with your wonderful man before you get engaged, try these comebacks:

“So I can risk losing the thing that makes me happiest in this world? No thanks.”

“I know some people need to see what else is out there before making a commitment this big, but I don’t. I hope you can respect that and be happy that I found my future husband without having to date a bunch of losers first.”

“You think he’s great, right? Well, I agree, and I don’t think there’s anyone more perfect for me out there.”

And if nothing else, feel free to use me as an example: “There’s this Glamour blogger who dated her boyfriend without ever breaking up from age 13 to when she got married at age 25. And she’s still thrilled with her decision two-and-a-half years into her marriage.”

Are any of you considering getting engaged to the only serious boyfriend you have? Have you had to deal with doubters? What do you tell them?