George Clooney arrested on handsomeness charges

The actor, director and activist George Clooney was arrested today outside the Sudanese Embassy on charges of aggravated male beauty. Clooney, 49 was, say police, demonstrating his attractiveness in such a way as it distracted attention from a legitimate protest against the Khartoum government.

At a press conference an hour after the arrest, Clooney described the police’s action as “crazy”, before answering questions about how often he worked out, whether he really drank that Nespresso stuff and whether he would ever contemplate cosmetic surgery or appear naked in a movie. But he denied using the allegedly savage Sudanese regime as a backdrop to show that even as he approached 50 he is still drop-dead gorgeous and extremely witty in a knowingly handsome way.

Mario Testino, the world’s most famous photographer, was on hand to take the traditional Clooney prison mugshot, but he reacted angrily to the Sudanese opposition claim that Clooney’s appearance did nothing for its cause. “Hands off George,” Testino told reporters. “Sudan, you’re rocking the boat.”