propaganda campaigns used by university of Missouri physicians and surgeons

I was giggling like hell…”I’m not screwing anybody, either…” I reported. “I’m going to screw someone, again, someday. I’m not sure if she’ll be interested in screwing me back, though… I need to loose a good 50 lbs. to be able to perform.” I replied.

“Well don’t screw anyone. People are going to come at you from all directions. They’ll try to set you up.”

I reassured her that I was very sexually self reliant and only have eyes for very specific types of females, and I wasn’t at risk for getting laid in Arizona. Missouri chicks are where it’s at…

I was thinking about how pain is controlling my entire life, right now. Just because I’m not moaning, and groaning, and raising hell <b> in such a way that it’s obvious to you </b> doesn’t mean you have the right to <b> judge </b> my predicament as an autistic person with <b>severe chronic pain <b>. I see the ‘big picture’, or to better explain it… <b> I see the Butterfly Effect, and exactly how the flapping of the wings creates a ‘ripple effect’, or ‘domino effect’ <b> . Projecting is something that we all do based on our experiences. For you <b> linear thinkers <b> your projections are in one layer of the onion. I see all layers all at once, and can manipulate via my own ‘Windows’ operating system called an eidetic memory. I can see multiple layers, in multiple dimensions, all at once. I can also analyze the mathematics, or <b> governing dynamics </b> of all of these relative systems based on multiple ‘absolutes’ (logical axioms) plan interventions, possible outcomes/responses, plan my interventions/responses for those possibilities/probabilities, and then do <b>contingency planning</b> even further, and further out… I can go backwards with the analysis, as well… </b></b></b></b></b></b>

So… what’s the point? I am looking at art, dreaming up art, and occasionally a cute librarian to forget about the pain. Then, I think ‘Yummy! Handsome woman!’, then about sex, then my conversation with Virginia popped up right along with some very graphic visuals about the cute librarian. She could be my ‘Love At First Sight’s brunette sister… It’s all about association… Now the good visuals are gone, and I’m in pain, and pissed off, again…

Thanks! Virginia…

My pain is in control of my life because, as usual, a University of Missouri physician was NOT IN CONTROL of her emotions, prejudices, bigotry, ignorance, or ‘feelings’…as she put it. I made every offer to accommodate her ‘discomforts’ so she could ‘establish’ me as a patient (which is what I PAID for), do a <b>comprehensive</b> examination as I am AUTISTIC, and in need of <b> conservative pain management because of the delicate balance needed to numb the pain, without numbing my enormous memory, and <b> sex drive</b> as well. ( you linear thinkers orgasm in linear form. I do not. Everything I experience both inside, and out, is powerfully ‘multiple’, and in the ‘abstract’ (multi-layered). Jealous, yet? I may be a ‘fat retard’ to you, but from where I set… YOU”RE the ‘retarded’ ones. If you need drugs, and alcohol is a drug, to loosen up, and have decent sex… then THAT’S pretty fucking retarded, to me…</b>

Now, imagine this superhuman dynamic, spirituality, and sexuality not only taken away, but leaving you feeling like a shell of a human being… that’s what Neurontin/gabapentin did to me. And these local physicians forced me to take the shit, gave misdiagnosis, assaulted me with a scalpel for being a ‘retard’ (the word is autistic’ you pricks), and left me with 39 breaks/fractures, and a M.R.S.A. colonization.

This is probably the most intelligent caregiver that I have ever had… I told her I had savant syndrome, and immediately new that I was probably autistic. She spent a lot of time doing verbal, and physical examinations. She didn’t seem in the least bit interested in obtaining the falsified records, and misdiagnoses of the TWO hospitals that damn near killed me by forcing me to take Neurontin, and pursuing malicious forms of treatment based on their bullshit diagnosis.

In April/May of 2002 I was brought in by ambulance to Tallahassee Memorial Hospital because 1) the persistent M.R.S.A. infection 2) uncontrolled pain even though I had a Duregesic patch and a prescription for Percocet which neither worked because of the Neurontin in my system 3) I wasn’t feeling right, like I did the day that I jumped in MO and broke my leg

Now, Tallahassee Memorial had already had me inpatient for the M.R.S.A. & chronic osteomyelitis. they however, completely missed the autism, and savant syndrome. I was, again, labeled as a ‘difficult’ patient. So, after I told them I wanted to kill myself, they just acted on their ignorant prejudices and set me in a wheelchair, out in the E.R. waiting room…

Now, I’m not right in my head, autistic and the lobby was full of screaming sick kids & adults…

I snap.

I get on the elevator, take it to the highest floor their was a button for, THANK GOD it was the parking garage elevator so it only went to 2, and went out and JUMPED from the parking garage (about 15-18′) and landed on concrete right outside of the E.R. and Ambulance bay. No ‘bama-lance needed… Everyone started screaming and the staff ran out to scrape me off of the drive-way.

I do not remember this fondly. In hind-sight I see how Tallahassee Memorial hospitals failure to comply with their own protocols for caring for patients who say the feel like hurting themselves, especially one with a history of violent suicide attempts. Even though my history of suicide attempts is restricted to only while I was ON NEURONTIN/ Gabapentin, they still fucked up. Their policy was to have mental health patients set in a chair where any member of the staff could keep an eye on them until they had a bed… They didn’t do this…

Then, there is the Neurontin… I would never do some shit like that in front of a bunch of children, or anyone else for that matter. I am very private, about just about everything, unless someone goes out of their way and makes very dangerous decisions… Then I will take my ‘fight’ out into a public area (social media) so everyone can see exactly what I do and not-quite exactly how I do it.

The point is to create a public referendum, which can create balance.

Let’s look at the definition of:

bal·ance
/ˈbaləns/
noun
noun: balance; plural noun: balances
1. an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady.
“slipping in the mud but keeping their balance”
synonyms: stability, equilibrium, steadiness, footing More
“I tripped and lost my balance”

antonyms: instability
•stability of one’s mind or feelings.
“the way to some kind of peace and personal balance”

2. a condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions.
“overseas investments can add balance to an investment portfolio”