For a bounty hunter or a bootlegger, carrying a weapon in the car makes sense to calm the paranoia. For Broncos defensive end Elvis Dumervil, a gun stashed in the glove box would present a clear danger to his NFL season, his lucrative career and maybe even his freedom.

So Dumervil is either the biggest knucklehead in pro football, or all the pieces in this juicy tale of firearms on Miami Beach and road rage in front of a lingerie shop don’t quite add up.

The 24/7 news churn doesn’t allow for perspective, much less the whole story and nothing but the truth. So pardon me while I assume Dumervil is guilty of nothing worse than really bad judgment until proven otherwise. The police report of a jam Dumervil got himself in reads like a “Saturday Night Live” parody of “Scarface.” With a Victoria’s Secret employee looking on in horror, the 28-year-old cornerstone of Denver’s defense and his buddy allegedly lifted their shirts during broad daylight to reveal guns supposedly packed to intimidate the occupants of a white Impala that had cut off Dumervil in traffic.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not tripping over the stack of cash being paid lawyer extraordinaire Harvey Steinberg to declare injustice being perpetrated against Dumervil.

But the whole thing sounds absurd. Of course, being arrested on suspicion of felony assault is no joke. This is precisely the screaming headline news that makes NFL commissioner Roger Goodell so grumpy, he issues a suspension first and lets the court system sort out all the cumbersome legal details later.

Many fans stand up and cheer Goodell’s no-nonsense approach to protecting the league logo with regular declarations that playing in the NFL is a privilege rather than a right.

I tend to think a sports honcho thumbing his nose at the tradition of innocent until proven guilty is utter nonsense. Who died and made this man Judge Roy Bean? Football is a job. Like driving a bus, except with way better perks.

So here’s hoping Goodell now employs more restraint than Dumervil, who has found enough trouble behind the wheel in recent years that I offer three friendly words of advice: town car service.

Hiring a chauffeur, of course, doesn’t ensure a high-profile athlete will avoid trouble. Dumervil was a second-year pro coming off a 12½-sack season in the early hours of 2007 when gunfire took the life of cornerback Darrent Williams. Dumervil was in the nightclub where the trouble began. He assisted police investigating the murder. He testified at the trial that sent convicted killer Willie Clark to prison for life.

Standing 5 feet, 11 inches only if wearing long cleats on concrete, Dumervil is nothing short of amazing as a pass rusher and big-time rich from a $61.5 million contract extension signed two years ago. In a Dove Valley locker room full of quick escape routes the week following a tough loss, Dumervil usually can be found sitting calmly at his stall to represent teammates during tough times.

Look elsewhere if you want a sermon railing against athletes and guns. The fear of recognizable, extremely rich men being prey for a thief is hard to dismiss. Whether used for hunting in the woods or protection in the city, anybody with a seven-figure annual salary can honor the Second Amendment as easily as filling a six-car garage.

It’s all part of the NFL life. But, like the personal chef, it’s smarter to leave the gun at home when going out for the night. Hire a bodyguard, if need be.

NFL players are tough guys. For protection in public, they should leave security matters to personnel as well trained in keeping the peace as football stars are at blocking and tackling.

Fair or not, right or wrong, no good can come from an athlete taking an altercation into the street.

If the Broncos didn’t learn that lesson long ago, I’m afraid Williams died in vain.

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