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If I wanted to make this a two-word-long blog post, I could probably do that.

Here’s how it would read:

“THIS SWEATER.

-Lauren”

So, three words, I guess, including my name… plus a qualifier to tell you all that I was making a three-word-long post just to make a three-word-long blog post, bringing the entire thing to maybe 18 words.

Plus a photo caption.

So, I guess I could make this a two-world-long blog post, then I’d have to go up and delete everything except for “THIS SWEATER” and who the heck am I, Concision McGee? Quite the contrary, quite the contrary indeed.

Plus, I’ve got more to talk about right now than my sweet new sweater. It’s pretty sweet though, eh?

Some girl I spoke to when I was wearing that sweater Saturday night was all ”Why do you even tell people it’s fake? You should just say its real” to which I was like “Yeah, I could do that… If I were a total tool.”

A) Nobody in all of Liberty Village even knows who Jeremy Scott is because they all shop at places like J. Crew or something and B) If anything, I’m proud of my sick thrifty finds. Anyone who would spend the cost on an iPad on ONE sweater — a printed sweater that can at best be worn thrice a year (once in photos) is way worse with money than I am.

Anyhoo, I got tons of compliments at our local watering hole, where girls seldom dress in homage to 10-year-old boys and 10-year-old boys aren’t welcome anywhere within the vicinity.
Yupster minds of Libville be BLOWN by dat ish.

My style may have been better appreciated if we had walked over to WQW and up Oz to DundasW like I had wanted to (IT WAS WARM, GUYS) but then again, I would have gotten less compliments because myaw, everyone is cool up there.

That was a total joke. I wouldn’t rock that if my life depended on it (and it would never.)

Judging by the comments on the story I just linked to and on other stories around the web, many others wouldn’t either.

It was actually pretty hard for me to write an article about AspireAssist without gagging, but I thought it was blogworthy concept. It feels so… Wall-E to me, you know? Scary almost, that these devices are being used medically in Europe right now.

Here are some other, slightly less creepy, a lot less unfunny points of interest.

I just spent 40 minutes searching through “Hip Hop video model” websites with names like HustleBunny.com and HoodAcademyHoneys in search of ONE safe-for-work photo that I could shop my face onto and the best I could come up with was this:

That’s Rick Ross in digital brassiere.

Not technically a real video vixen, but sheet, it’s the closest thing I can find to one that still counts as PG-13 and won’t send you down a rabbit hole lined with insanely round butts that you can’t stop clicking on until you’re all “I’M NO VIDEO VIXEN! I’LL NEVER BE A VIDEO VIXEN! THE TITLE OF THIS POST IS MISLEADING WAHHHHHHHHHHH….”

Or something.

;

I got a new peter pan collar though.

For real, if you get a chance check out HoodAcademyHoneys – with the sound on – the design alone is straight up lulzy.

Al Roker pooped his pants at the White House and subsequently tossed his soiled underpants into the trash, walked around commando all day, and then admitted this all on national television. You… go, Al Roker… or something. Probably.

Getting the attention of somebody famous on Twitter is an actual life goal for some people (who are 15-year-old girls.) In general, I find this stupid and sad; the celebrity idolization, the desperate longing for a stranger’s validation, the rooting of one’s identity in who they manage to associate with.

That’s not to say I wouldn’t print out and frame a retweet from Justin Bieber to hang up next to my degrees if that jerk would just NOTICE MY EXISTENCE, let’s be real.

Public Enemy’s Chuck D is an artist I adore who did notice my existence on Twitter the other day, just not in the way that I might have hoped had I been the type to hope for a celebrity’s attention on Twitter.

I didn’t really understand his reply other than the part where he calls me stupid, but I’m guessing Chuck D isn’t aware of the “someone below” account / the person below me screencaps phenom.

The Sharp Suits art project highlights very stupid things that clients have actually given to professional creatives as feedback. It is the best thing ever if you’ve ever worked in advertising or a related field.

In 1979, Iranian militants stormed the U.S. embassy in Tehran and took more than 70 hostages. Six American diplomats managed to escape as the ambush took place and hid out in the home of Canadian ambassador Ken Taylor and his wife Pat. Ben Affleck’s Argo tells the story of how the CIA used a fake sci-fi flick to rescue them, and it’s incredible. Affleck’s dreamy face make it worth the watch alone, but learning all about the “Canadian Caper” is even better.

Okay, not really. That’s a fan-made trailer, if you couldn’t tell. It’s cute though, and really makes me wish that somebody WOULD boot a Magic School Bus film that sees the kids (now grown-ups) taking a field trip to hell. Hollah if you’re up for the challenge and need somebody to play Satan.