Linda's Story

Linda Chamberlain has been a Mainstay Housing tenant since 1996. She completed a 6 year term on the Board of Directors, and
was President during the last year.

Is it ever nice having your own apartment. I come from living in rooms,
basements, dirty places and living on the street, in hostels. All
my stuff was in boxes, and I could never see them or open them up. I
remember going to bed with my boots on and hat and scarf, it was so cold.
I've had people come into my room, kicking down the doors. Then the landlord
comes into your room and goes through your stuff. It was like a nightmare.
I was sick in hospital all the time because I was living in such a
depression and in terrible conditions. I was in and out of the hospital
every six months. I remember I had to live out in the bushes. At Kingston
Road, there's a park there and I had to get in a plastic bag so I wouldn't
get wet and hide so no one would see me. It was terrible. I wanted
to die because that was no life living out like that. It was bad enough
with the illness, hearing voices and seeing things. But then to live
in poor conditions. You just didn't want to go on.

I lived places where when they knew you had mental illness, they'd walk
across the street like you had leprosy.

I come from St. John New Brunswick. We lived on a farm. My mother took
me out of school when I was in grade 3, and I had to look after my sisters.
I had to make their lunch and then peel potatoes and stuff. I was only
9 years old. My father died in a freak accident on Christmas Day. When
I was around 13, my mother sent me to Toronto. I was with my Grandmother,
and that's a horror story because my Grandmother said, “You can't
just live here, you have to pay rent, so you have to go to work.” I
didn't have any skills. I was 13 years old, and I couldn't hardly read
the signs. I kept walking along Queen St., because I didn't want to get
lost and I saw a sign that said “something wanted,” so I
went in and asked for a job. Well, I got a job in a shoe store. I told
them I was 17 or 18. I didn't know how to use the cash register. I couldn't
find the shoes because I didn't know the numbers, but the guy I worked
with used to get them for me. And he made up the bill. I just put them
on the woman's foot. But one day he didn't come in and there were 5 women
in there and I couldn't find a shoe, I couldn't do the till, and I got
fired. I moved on and got another job. I went from one place to the other.
I always thought I was stupid, but I think I was smarter than I thought.
I was street smart. I had to learn as I went along. It was survival.

I guess I was 20 when I got sick. I ended up in the Clarke Institute
of Psychiatry. After, they gave me medication. There was no doctor follow-up.
The doctor didn't tell me that I was schizophrenic. They'd let me out,
and away I went again. Because of the medications, I was drooling, and
then I'd stop taking them sometimes because I had to go to work. And
I was so hyper. I kept getting fired because I would scare people. Then
I went for a job as a waitress. I couldn't remember who ordered what
but the only reason the owner kept me was because I amused the customers.
Then he closed the business and I lost the job. It was a terrible life.

If homeless people don't have mental illness when they start,
they certainly do once they get out on the street.

When it's time to go home and you have no place to - that's a killer.
I remember walking around for hours trying to figure out where I'm going
to have to sleep and where to go the bathroom. And you can't walk into
stores because people won't let you use the toilets, you have to buy
something. You haven't got any money and you look at that donut and you'd
really like to have that donut. Believe me, that's when you don't want
to live because you have no existence. Nothing to start with - no clothes,
you stink, no place to take a bath.

I had another job as a waitress and the owner was after me sexually
and I said, please, I just want to do this job, it's only $100 a week
and the rent was $100 a week. I lived on the tips. He tried to touch
me, so I left. Then I couldn't get work at all. They wouldn't hire me.
I didn't know about welfare. I was living in a place where people from
Queen Street Psychiatric Hospital lived - we all had a room and shared
the kitchen. The guy upstairs told me I should go to welfare. So he took
me and the woman came and put me on FBA [Family Benefits Assistance].
Then I went back in hospital for quite a long time.

When I came out, I got this great doctor, who introduced me to Progress
Place, a program which gave me confidence and self-esteem. I truly
felt part of a community. In time Progress Place both helped me get
a part time job and find my apartment at Mainstay. I don't forget
where I came from. I remember every day. When I wake up in that beautiful
bedroom and the sunshine coming in, I say, “Oh, god, I'm living
on a bed, I've got a real bed I'm sleeping on, not a spring sticking
up, and no bugs. So, I really appreciate what I have. I'd never been
able to have a cat.” I
used to have to sneak a cat in, and it got kicked out. Now I can have
my cat.

Is it ever nice going out and coming home. You feel secure. You have
your home where you can cook and you have your own bathroom and bedroom.
I can fix the place up the way I want. Someone said to me, “You're
not supposed to know how to do this stuff.” They think that we're
stupid. I said, "Listen, we have mental illness, we're not retarded." I
learned that even though I have no education, I have talent. I have things
I can do that I didn't know I could do. For years my mother said, “Linda,
I wish I would have kept you in school, you would have been somebody
today.” I said, “Mom, I am somebody.”

You see that piece of log over the window? I went down to the lakeshore
and found it behind one of those hotels at the beach. I brought it
home because it's so nice. I shaved off the wood, and I hung it up to
hang plants on. I've never had a plant in my life. It's like I live in
a garden of paradise. So I really have a lot of respect and love for
Mainstay and for the building I live in.