diary of a modern-day housewife superhero

I’m worried about how Paige is going to handle turning 30. If how she dealt with her fifth birthday is any indication, 30 will be a doozey. With the amount of discussion, processing, anticipation, and anguish that’s consumed her over this five-fingers-old b-day, you’d think she was in the throes of a mid-life crisis.

A few weeks back Mark was bathing Paige after dinner, and from my perch folding clothes on the couch I heard her start crying. This is not a terribly unusual occurrence, since by the end of the day exhaustion can get the better of Paige’s amiable disposition. I had no idea what she was bawling about but assumed Mark had it under control, so I forged on with my folding.

Five minutes later a toweled-off but still-wailing Paige dashed into the living room to find me. She was buck naked, her hair a mass of dripping wet, matted curls.

“I don’t wanna leave my school! I love my teachers and my friends!” she wailed. It dawned on me that she thought she might be shunted directly kindergarten upon turning five. But before I could open my mouth she bellowed, “I don’t know how to do math! And I don’t even KNOW what P.E. is!”

Is it wrong to laugh at your sobbing, inconsolable child?

One thing Paige did embrace this year for her birthday—aside from her animal-themed party, which she counted down to starting some 20 days out—was her birthday interview. Yes the annual talk we have that I share on this very blog.

Here’s the transcript of our conversation:

Me: Do you feel different now that you’re five?Paige: Yes.
Me: How?
Paige: Why is it called an interview?
Me: Why do you think?
Paige: Because it’s interviewing you?
Me: Well, yes.

Me: So how do you feel different now that you’re five?
Paige: It feels like I can do more things by myself.
Me: Like what?
Paige: Um. Hmmm…. Write!

Me: What do you like most about preschool?Paige: Drawing.
Me: What else?
Paige: Play with my friends.

Me: What do you like to do most when you aren’t in school?Paige: Read. Read Jack and Annie.
Me: Do you know how to read the words?
Paige: I am just doing it in my mind. I look at the words and I make them up into one whole words. That is how I read. Like w-x-n and z—but that doesn’t really make a word. That is how I read.

Me: If a genie could grant you only one wish, what would it be?Paige: Having a house with dogs and cats allowed. Having a dog.

Me: Where do you think you’ll live when you grown up?Paige: In… [long pause] Japan.
Me: Why?
Paige: I just do. I wonder what it’s like in Japan.

Me: Who do you think you will live with?Paige: My kids and our father.
Me: Like your husband?
Paige: My husband.
Me: Do you have any idea who that’s going to be?
Paige: No. Well—I do have two ideas. I might marry two of those guys.
Me: Who?
Paige: Jonathan or Elliot. I mean Jonathan or Ezra!
Me: Why them?
Paige: I don’t know. I just like them. Jonathan isn’t into marrying me. He’s maybe going to marry Ania, one of my friends.

Me: Do you think you’ll want to have children?Paige: Nah. I don’t know.
Me: Well you were saying you were going to live with them so I assumed that meant yes. But you’re not sure yet?
Paige: Not really.

Me: Who is your best friend and why do you like them? Do you have a best friend?Paige: Well, not really. But I do! It’s Jonathan and Ezra.

Me: What do you think are the biggest problems in the world today?Paige: That is kind of a hard question. Making a trap.
Me: What do you mean by that?
Paige: It’s the hardest thing to do today. Like a mouse trap. Well it’s not exactly a mouse trap. It like catches bugs and things like that.

Me: What would you do if you were the president?
Paige: Um. I would live with all the kids that I like. Yeah I would I would I would I would I would!

Me: Would you do anything to help people in the world?
Paige: Help kids—like things they can’t do and reach. And teach. Teach kids how to do things like swim.

Me: What do you think you are an expert on?Paige: On the swings. Because I can go really high on the green one, not super duper high on the blue one. Just medium on the blue one.

Me: What do you want to learn more about?Paige: Science and spies.

Me: What have you done that you’re really proud of?Paige: Going to swimming today and going underwater.

Me: What do you want to be when you grow up?Paige: An acrobat.
Me: What do they get to do?
Paige: They get to go on trapezes and do all fun stuff. And they’re freeeee!

Me: What is your favorite thing about yourself?Paige: I’m lucky.
Me: That’s cool. Why?
Paige: Because I have a safe family and I have a house and toys.

Me: What songs are special to you?Paige: “Super Trooper,” “A Sun of a Mass of Incandescent Gas,” and Phineas and Ferb songs. [Looks up at a poster] And Pinkalicious songs! No more songs that are special to me.

Paige: When is the boyfriend one gonna come up?
Me: The boyfriend what?
Paige: The boyfriend question? Meep.
Me: What is the boyfriend question?
Paige: It’s when you ask me if I have a boyfriend or if I want one.
Me: Do you want to answer that?
Paige: Yeah.
Me: Are you going to?
Paige: Yeah.
Me: Okay, so what’s the answer?
Paige: I want a boyfriend.
Me: What would you do with a boyfriend?
Paige: I would play with him.
Me: Anything else you want to say about that?
Paige: No.

Paige: Mommy you are just making up questions to me.
Me: That is what an interview is.
Paige: So you’re really doing it?
Me: Doing what?
Paige: Um. Making up questions.
Me: Yeah, well I had them written here. Do you think I should have done it differently?
Paige: Yeah.
Me: How?
Paige: Are there more questions?
Me: Yeah.
Paige: Oooooh!

Me: If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?Paige: I would go to Hawaii to see the hula dancers.

Me: What are some of your favorite places you’ve gone to?Paige: Rhode Island. New Yowk. Where else have we went to?
Me: Minnesota.
Paige: Minnesota! Where else?
Me: Ohio, Kentucky…
Paige: Ohio!
Me: Not every place has to be your favorite place.
Paige: [quietly] I really want to say Kentucky…

Paige: Is the interview done?
Me: Almost
Paige: Yay!

Me: If you could have any super power what would it be?Paige: Ice.
Me: What do you mean?Paige: Freeze bad guys.Me: Then what would you with them?
Paige: I don’t know. I would be Freeze Girl!

Me: What are you most afraid of?Paige: Um… John. The ghost of John. It’s a ghost named John. This is its song: [singing] Have you ever sawn the ghost of John? Long white bones and nothing left. Oooooh. Wouldn’t it be chilly to have no skin on?
Me: [laughing] Where did you learn that?Paige: A book.

Me: What makes you happiest?Paige: Going to the ice cream store.

Me: Is there anything else I should be asking you for this interview?Paige: What is my favorite movie. Um, what is that movie that we watched where the girl is the lead and there’s a bad girl? It’s something like Fiona? Where she gets a horse in the end?
Me: Oh, what we watched last night? Flicka?
Paige: Yes, I love Flicka. Flicka. Flicka.

Paige: Is my interview done?Me: Yes.What did you think of it?Paige: Good. It was a little different.Me: Than what?Paige: My other interviews.Me: How?Paige: I didn’t like what I said.Me: You can change any of your answers.Paige: Okay, what should it be?Me: What answers should you change? I don’t know. I liked your answers.Paige: Okay. I won’t change any.

This is so awesome! Paige is a riot! What a creative idea to capture that sweet little child of today. I have a delightful little girl of my own soon to turn 5. I must do this! I will steal your questions. It reminded me of when my now 12 year old graduated preschool. As the kids walk across a little bridge to receive their diplomas the teacher asked them what they wanted to learn in Kindergarten. The sophisticated little girl in front of my son said she wanted to learn French. When it was Charlie’s turn he said he wanted to learn table manners

Whoa!!!! Looking back at this and the whole Freeze Girl thing makes me wonder if Paige wrote the movie Frozen or if her true super power is her ability to predict the future. Tell us more, Freeze Girl, tell us more…