Author: Tanai Benard

At some point, an awful and uninformed human took it upon themselves to spread the most horrific urban legend ever. It was the tale of “You won’t be able to travel once you have children.” HMPH. See exhibit (A) which appears to suggest that motherhood and passport stamps can’t operate in the same universe. Continue reading “Wandering Moms: 9 Traveling Mommas You Need to Meet”→

#DatingTanai is like your favorite sitcom that ends episode four with a cliffhanger that leaves you wanting more then BOOM a two-week hiatus. If you haven’t binge read the previous episode of #DatingTanai, I suggest you do so before moving on.

I could say that I was dating to ultimately find love, but that with only be a partial truth. I was dating to eventually establish a healthy and whole relationship with a mate that was significant enough for me to share with my children one day.

A few months ago, my mom had told us she was dating a guy and she wanted us to meet him over a video chat. Before the chat, she told us a little background story on him like his name, how many children he had, their names, ages, and where he lived! At this point, in my mind, I’m thinking how long they’ve been dating and are my brother, sister and I about to really meet my mom’s boyfriend. Continue reading “#DatingTanai Ep.5 Pt.3: Meeting Mommy’s Boyfriend”→

The first video chat

On a random day in life, my brother and I were doing the usual and my sister was out with some of her friends. My mom had told us that we were going to do a video chat with her boyfriend and his two little girls, but we never thought that it would be so soon. So she yells the normal thing when she wants us to come to her “Zavien Dezmond come done!” If you ever had any siblings you would probably already know what we did. We raced to her. When we got there, she said something along the lines of “Do you guys want to do a video chat now and met my boyfriend or do y’all want to wait for Iyanna to get here and then do it?” We both said that we would like to do it now and she called him on her computer. Continue reading “#DatingTanai Ep.5 Pt.2: Meeting My Mom’s Boyfriend”→

#DatingTanai is just like the NBC’s tv show “This Is Us”. You can’t watch episode four until you’re caught up on episode one through three. Otherwise, you will be totally lost and the storyline just won’t make sense. With that being said, catch up on #DatingTanai epi-read one through three

This past summer, I had determined that I was totally overtaking dating seriously. I had once again been hit with the “girlfriend” saga after dating someone who I thought was “perfect” for about six months. I walked away with my dignity intact but I was done. I didn’t feel defeated, but you best believe I recognized that I clearly needed to take two steps back and re-evaluate a few things.

It’s been only a few occasions where I have allowed you guys a peek into the portion of my life I call #DatingTanai. Since my divorce, I’ve dated some great men who ALL, for one reason or another, had commitment issues. *Major side eye*

Sidenote: This doesn’t include my Emirati friend in Abu Dhabi, Abdulla, who proposed to me after two tea/coffee dates. Clearly, commitment was not his issue at all. ( Read more about Abdulla and I in Essence)

Who knew that bringing up the word “girlfriend” in an attempt to possibly solidify a relationship would change the climate of the conversation. In each situation, I was battling internally with the justification of why being called a “girlfriend” was entirely overrated. Wasn’t it 2017? I was feeling like maybe I had been out of the dating game for so long that clearly, I missed some internal/silent memo in regards to commitment and titles.

After all, like one said, “mature couples don’t need titles”.

Or the other who suggested, “what’s understood doesn’t need to be explained! We know what we are.”

How about the guy who went biblical and said:

“The bible doesn’t acknowledge girlfriends, only the title of wife, so why be bothered. I plan on making someone my wife not just my girlfriend.”

Now that brother was deep for 2.5 seconds. He had me slow clapping in agreement. *Smirks*

I look back and wonder if I was so freaking desperate to find love that I was willing to smother my beliefs and true feelings for a superficial security. Here I stood, a strong and independent woman, comfortable with settling.

This should have been the first sign that something was wrong. That moment when I began to alter my feelings just to avoid conflict, should have put me on notice that “HE” wasn’t the one for me. The ONE for me would never have me re-evaluating how I truly felt nor my belief system.

Could you believe that although I was on the dating scene for four years, I had not one person feel I was worthy enough to be called their girlfriend? Well, except for Abdulla who spoke little English.

I can’t lie, emotionally I took a small hit internally.

Recently, all of that changed when I became a GIRLFRIEND! Holy crap! That’s right folks, someone saw my worth. He decided to not only acknowledge how important that title is to me, but also ensure that he was positioned and ready to truly date with a purpose. Want to know the kicker? I didn’t even have to ask him or initiate the “where is this going?” talk.

When he asked me to be his girlfriend, we had yet to physically meet. So this love story is hella crazy and I’ll try my best to catch you up.

My ultimate goal as a parent is to raise productive global citizen who will thrive throughout life. In order to achieve this goal, I must ensure that they enter adulthood as self-sufficient as possible. At ten, eleven and thirteen years old, each child is responsible for washing and folding their own clothes, and ironing their school clothes. They also are responsible for weekly household duties as well, like washing dishes, sweeping, mopping, vacuuming and cleaning the bathroom. Yes, they clean toilets and tubs too.