And so I watch in silence as she sprightly walks into the room. This is no ordinary bride. She has just arrived after having been a juror at the Cannes film festival, gracing the red carpet in her Indian finery. Rubbing gracious shoulders with the iconic Steven Spielberg, Ang Lee and Nicole Kidman. Or should we say, they were rubbing shoulders with Vidya Balan Roy Kapur.

This is no ordinary bride. She swept the nation off its feet with her defining role in Parineeta, which now seems to be eons ago and finally Bollywood had got a star whom boys would have loved to take home to their mothers. A girl from a normal background, who had through sheer talent, determination and intelligent choices made it to the very top. This is no ordinary bride. She has won back-to-back Filmfare Awards, four in the last four years. So there must have been something that she has done right. But ask the millions of disappointed Indians whose hearts she broke when she decided to become a bride.

From the decorous lead in Parineeta to the bold dancer in The Dirty Picture, to a pretty mother in Paa and a racy temptress in Ishqiya, the lady has crossed several milestones. Bearing criticism with grace, avoiding controversies like the bubonic plague and impressing a nation with her bewitching smile. Siddharth Roy Kapur, her husband, must consider himself one of the luckiest men in the world. For this multilingual beauty has a heart of gold. It shows when she accepts her awards. It shows when she turns up for appointments on time. It shows through her sheer professionalism at work and her laughter at play. And it shows up like a 1000-watt bulb as she smiles at me, entering the room. All else can wait. For now, I have a few hours. With one of India’s best performers. I am going to make the most of it…

Q.Recently, you were on the jury of the prestigious Cannes film festival. What was the experience like?

It’s cinema, cinema and more cinema. That’s what brings the best people from all over together during those two weeks in May. When you say best, it’s relative. Some films that are superior in content may not be technically polished, some films that are technically superior, may lack heart while some manage a beautiful marriage of the two. I didn’t have any reference points because I haven’t been on any other jury. And here I was with the best directors, actors from all over. We had a certain code of conduct. They weren’t aware of me. They had read up on me but not seen my work. I had of course seen theirs. Steven Spielberg, Ang Lee, Nicole Kidman, Christoph Waltz we’re all aware of. Though they knew about people whose films were in competition, they still abided by the code of conduct. For example, the jury never clapped at the end of any film. Also, we had a separate jury box from where we’d enter and exit. It’s difficult to judge. That’s because you’re appreciating, encouraging, applauding… Some work may be pathbreaking, timeless or even universal. There are so many things you look for in a film. And it doesn’t matter who you know and who you don’t. I was lucky because I didn’t have anyone saying, ‘She said this about the film’. (Laughs) Because no one knew me!

Q.The anonymity must have been liberating. No agendas when you judge a Japanese or Mexican film…

It was great to judge with an open mind. After every screening, when I’d return to my room, my team would ask me how the film was. Usually I’m shameless. But as a jury member, I wouldn’t comment on it. It was just decorum. Also, for instance if there was a certain movie in competition at Cannes and if the team threw a party, then none of the jury members attended it.

Q.Was there a dilemma while judging the winning movie Blue Is The Warmest Colour?

I don’t think so. Amongst the educated and the aware, there’s a sense of liberation. People have the right to their sexual preference. None of the nine jurors had any take on it being a lesbian love story. The beauty of that film is that it’s not exploitative of its subject. It’s a great love story, one of the greatest I’ve watched. It could’ve been between two men, two women, one man-one woman, and one 50-year-old man one 18-year-old girl or vice versa. It’s a story that tugs at your heart and is told with honesty. Everyone agreed that it was the best choice, jury members and otherwise.

Q.Do you see yourself doing movies like that?

Oh! I’d loooooove to. But will I be able to be as uninhibited as those actors? Never, at least not in this lifetime.

Q.Were you comfortable with the movie’s subject?

In the first lovemaking scene I felt it was being exploitative. But in 10 minutes flat my opinion changed. The director Abdellatif Kechiche is a superior filmmaker. He has the courage to shoot most of his films in close-ups. Then to show this kind of intense, passionate, crazy, insatiable love gave a beautiful glimpse into the intensity of their relationship. You realise that it’s not sex for the sake of sex. I’d never watched a film where two women get so intimate with each other. In fact, I haven’t even watched porn.

Ang Lee told me that he loves Alphonso mangoes. Since Siddharth (Roy Kapur, husband) was coming there, I made sure he got them. Nicole Kidman wanted naan with something spicy. Sadly, we couldn’t manage to cart that across. But I realised the bigger the people get, the humbler they become. Or maybe the humblest of them make it big. Spielberg is a living example. He’s the most successful filmmaker. He was so interested in documenting everything by constantly taking pictures and videos. He spoke a lot about his family. He never once made you feel that he was Steven Spielberg. I read this beautiful line a long time ago: The truly great are those who make you feel you too can be great. If Spielberg doesn’t throw attitude, no one out there deserves to have an iota of it. When the president of the jury Mr Spielberg was called upon, we were waiting in the wings knowing our names would be called too. But for five whole minutes there was a standing ovation. Every time he began to say something, the claps just wouldn’t stop. People were only interested in him. He’s made films for all age groups, everyone feels a connect with him. If he can connect with children like that, it means he’s retained the child in him. First thing in the morning, he’d welcome you with a big hug. He’d have mundane conversations. He never tried to show off.

Q.What about Nicole Kidman?

She’s as tall as the Kutub Minar. She’s a bit shy but sharp. She doesn’t carry her Hollywood stardom on her shoulders.

Q.You were slammed for some of the outfits you wore on the red carpet?

It angered me to hear people comment on Mr Bachchan’s (Amitabh) wardrobe at the Cannes film festival. It’s wrong to comment on whether what he wore was right or not. He’s a living legend. Let’s please accord him that respect. You can tear the rest of us apart. Aren’t we only mesmerised in his presence? I had tears in my eyes when he was on stage. What dignity! Even if he wore a rag or the most exquisite sherwani, he would be ‘the Amitabh Bachchan’.

Q.Yes, the red carpet talk suddenly took centre stage…

Yes, I wish there was some talk about the films also. Because Cannes is the most celebrated film festival. I don’t read what’s written in the papers, hence I’m unaware of the criticism I received. I wore my designer Sabyasachi all the time. I didn’t even think beyond him. I just had to call him and everything was taken care of. I didn’t have time for anything. I completed Shaadi Ke Side Effects, flew to Australia for 10 days and then in a day I had to pack for Cannes. I was basking in the glory of just being in the jury. We were treated like royalty. Criticism comes and goes. I don’t pay attention to it. I felt every bit like a woman in whatever I wore and I loved myself.

Q.Coming to your movies. Have you had a moment of epiphany where you gave in so much to your character that you caught glimpses of that character in you?

The Dirty Picture was so dramatically different from the person I am, I kept going to Milan Luthria’s office. For the first few times, he’d disappear after 10 minutes into a conversation. I began doubting whether he had a problem with me. I knew it was a bold decision to come to me with the role. I thought he was repenting it. But like a chant he’d keep telling me, “No preparation, only liberation.” Then one day he told me about this woman who had an insatiable appetite for men. But she got miserably heartbroken once and decided to use men henceforth only for her need. He’d tell me these random things and disappear. Then finally one day he asked me not to be judgmental about her and to respect her. Only then would others respect her, love her and accept her. I wondered what these vague directions were. But his mantra got etched in stone after The Dirty Picture. He didn’t want to limit me with descriptions of her character. When we grew comfortable with each other, he explained that he didn’t want to talk about the character. Think of it, if someone feels shy about standing naked on the street, an element of sleaziness comes into play. But if that person walks naked with her head held high, everyone will appreciate it. We started our shoot with Oh la la. If there were any bodily inhibitions, I got rid of it. Choreographer Pony Verma kept asking for more while the camera kept panning into my cleavage, navel and butt. I had dropped weight drastically in the scene where I knock on Naila, the journalist’s door. Milan told me I didn’t look big enough. We were also loosing light for the shoot. Bluntly, I asked for a belt, tightened it and tried my level best to make my stomach look heavy. All this in front of the whole unit. Milan said, ‘I hope you realise there are people here.’ I told him he had himself to blame. That moment I realised that moment of epiphany. That liberation had happened and I didn’t even realise it. If I wasn’t okay with those people watching me, how would I be okay with the rest of the country watching me? His eyes were moist.

Q.Do you think that The Dirty Picture was a commoditisation of women?

I believe The Dirty Picture did the reverse. She showed how she was used and made it her big ticket. But once the use of the body is over, there was no use of her. That was a bigger take away from the film. We have baggage and history as a nation that defines us. But attitudes are changing for the better. We have to realise what’s acceptable and what’s not. Women need to learn to value themselves. But that has to be inculcated in men as much as women. Girls get into compromising situations without realising they’re being used or abused.

Q.What about your conservative family background? Was your family comfortable with it?

I would chose the word traditional over conservative. Being traditional is a choice for me. South Indian families bring up their children with a sense of freedom, self respect and self value. We do whatever we have to with earnestness and honesty including being uninhibited. Yet we hold onto our roots. I take pride in the fact that I am a middle-class traditional Palakkad Iyer Tam-Bram girl, born and brought up in Mumbai. The biggest actresses in India have been South Indian. Vyjayanthimala, Hema Malini, Rekha, Sridevi, Jaya Prada, Aishwarya Rai Bachchan… They’ve all been liberated on screen and off it. I say this with reverence, is there a madder actress than Sridevi on screen? No. When the camera comes alive I wonder what happens to her. I’d love to assist in a film that Sridevi is acting in. She has lead life on her own terms and yet commands so much respect. And South Indian women and their sexuality, my God! We’re all feminine beings.

Q.After The Dirty Picture and Kahaani, you’ve moved on to Ghanchakkar and Shaadi Ke Side Effects. Is it a picnic from your heavy duty roles?

Ghanchakkar is my first comedy. Raj Kumar Gupta wanted me to play a role in his first comedy too. My character in Ghanchakkar doesn’t know she’s loud. She believes she’s the best. How innocent, simple and yet how crack she is! I wish more women were like that. In terms of self-image and self-confidence. Even though it’s not a central character, I wanted to play her role. The outfit I wore in the movie look like a Christmas tree and Raj wanted it to look like one. I was told to retain my weight. She’s a hatti katti Punjabi woman. She eats dabake. She’s as real as real gets. She’s the kind of woman who gets synthetic hair and matches it with her attire. I chose not to read the script too many times. Raj wanted me to act spontaneously. There’s a certain bedhadakness to her. Dhadak se woh keh degi, kardegi.

Q.Did the fact that you are in a relationship ever mark your choices?

I wouldn’t like to limit myself in any way. I was and will always be an actor. I’m grateful to God that I’ve got a partner who understands that. I did The Dirty Picture after Siddharth and I got together.

Q.Did your relationship contribute to your uninhibited take?

Siddharth accepts me in the way I am. In the first few months of marriage I got bogged down by the notion that I had to juggle between handling home duties and starting work on a new film. He explained I needn’t be a superwoman. He understands that if he could go out to work and end up neglecting things at home, so could I.

Q.So your pillow-talk is about cinema?

(Laughs) No, never. Though, we’re both passionate about films. With him I’ve begun watching cinema all over again. Until I joined films, I used to watch one film a day. That changed once I joined films. Siddharth loves the magic of the theatres. I see a child in him when he’s talking or watching cinema. If you need a movie companion even in the morning, he’ll be by your side.

Q.How much has marriage changed things?

Every day at 4pm my cook calls up to know what to cook. I’ve never had to do that all my life. I’ve never had to think what sabzi, daal to eat with roti or rice. I just duck the call. It’s something I’m still not used to. When I was away I was curious to know how things were at home. Siddharth is meticulous, so I didn’t bother about the house being in good condition or not. But he always tells me handle only what you can within your bandwidth. That’s a comforting thought. Living together is another ballgame. There are times when after a shoot, you just want to go back home and sleep. He may think otherwise and want to go out on our weekend holiday. You have to drag yourself out then. Before marriage at least you could use the excuse that you have to spend time with your parents. I can’t do that anymore. But that’s the fun of it. But after marriage, we’ve also been apart that much more, globe-trotting few times a month. Earlier, I didn’t know what it would be like to live by myself when he wouldn’t be around. But I’ve learnt that now.

Q.Something about your in-laws…

Because we don’t live in a joint family, we don’t come in each other’s spaces. I’ve gained a family and so has he. My father-in-law is the most accepting person. They say a girl always looks for her father in her man. I’ll add that I’ve got that even in my father-in-law. My mother-in-law is a professional, she’s encouraging and enthusiastic. In a joint family when you share the same space or kitchen, it can become contentious. But there’s no scope for that with us.

Q.You’ve done your best films after 30. Has the audience evolved or the patriarchal system changed?

Previously, women would give up regular jobs post pregnancy. With time that has changed and those changes are bound to reflect in showbiz too. Now actresses don’t mind being a working mother. Earlier, people didn’t want to desire another man’s wife. (Laughs) But with the amount of extramarital affairs happening, that’s also not a problem. You don’t mind leching at a married woman. You can be desirable at every age. Now women are maintaining themselves well. There are no taboos saying that after this age you can’t do a certain thing.

Q.How did you manage to break out from the straightjacket of beauty and fashion?

Earlier woman derived their identity from the men in their lives. But they’ve started to come into their own. After The Dirty Picture, I celebrated my curves. When you’re skinny, your features become masculine and androgynous. I don’t want to look like a man. Post The Dirty Picture, women told me that I’ve made them love their curves. That they felt sexy and beautiful too. I don’t get on the weighing scale ever. It’s the most oppressive thing. When I’m feeling good, then why bother about the weight? At Cannes, there were so many lunches and dinners, not once did anyone mention weight or diet. When you walk into a party, the first comment that people make is about your weight - whether you’ve lost some or gained some. There’s more to life than that. I believed this obsession was across the globe. But it wasn’t at Cannes despite it being associated with the glamour industry.

Q.Would you have been different had you started work when you were 17? Is education most important?

Education and family support is non-negotiable. You ought to live college life, face rejections, hear nasty comments made by your classmates in the canteen. There you come into your own. (Winks) Hail St Xaviers! We Xavierites have that pride in us. I joined the film industry a little later. I’d seen life before stepping in here. That lamba chakkar of facing rejections at auditions had happened. It makes you strong. Otherwise, I’d have caved in more easily than I did. You need to understand what works for you. You can’t live your life on someone else’s parameters of success or body image.