Tag Archives: reflections

I too have unsung lullabies inside me but I doubt that I will ever overcome the shame to be able to candidly talk about it. It’s not that I have no regrets… it’s just not how I’m wired. It happened, and that’s that.

But often I will look at my daughters and marvel at how beautiful they are. How absolutely gifted young ladies they are. How amazing they are as human beings…

And I thank my lucky stars and look to the skies to offer my gratitude for at one time I thought I would never be redeemed.

And I hold on a little tighter to that song that remains trapped in my heart, forever unsung. Maybe there will be a day when it will finally be heard but in the meantime it must be silenced in shame.

I’ve always believed that life has a way of giving you what you need when you need it.

This has been a trying week in one aspect for as much as I avoid negativity, it seemed to have hounded me this week. I don’t normally allow myself to be baited into confrontations but earlier this week, I was challenged. It took almost everything I had to not sink to a level I don’t normally frequent.

So in the serendipitous and synchronous way of nature, it sent me not only sunshine but also signals. Affirmation that I was right to ignore people who are bent on hurting me just because they are hurting and not loving themselves at the moment. The green monster can wreak havoc on one’s mental state. I get it. It doesn’t mean I am immune to it.

But the sun came out and warmed my soul when this saying came at me out of the blue. Well, more like the blueness of Twitter, but it doesn’t make it less profound:

When life gives you curve balls, sometimes the best way is to not swing.

Then today being Maundy Thursday and also April Fool’s Day, all my Facebook friends had statuses relating to either; some are holy and thoughtful and some are silly and foolish but none the less profound. One buzz caught my attention in particular, from fellow blogger Noemi, who said,

If there is one commandment in the Gospel that challenges me is “Love one another, as I have loved you.” We can come to Holy Thursday prepared by our reflection on how difficult it is to love some people, either because we recoil at their “smelly-ness” or because we find them unattractive or unable to love us in return.

Now everyone who knows me, will know that I am not religious at all and so I am not always the first to quote from the gospel. But today, I used the basic premise of Noemi’s post as my reflection. She used it in the context of the state of elections in the Philippines at the moment, but I am using it to deal with the ugly thoughts and emotions that I allowed to surface this week. Especially when she said this:

How does one love someone who gets pleasure in maligning the good name of a person?

It’s a difficult thing to do especially when you are the object of that person’s ire and they are determined to not only see you in the worst light but also to let as many people know of their delusions. What should you do?

You put yourself in their place and try to think as they would. That’s what you do and that’s exactly what I did. After I calmed myself down, I began to see clearer how jealousy and hate can eat you up from the inside. The ugliness festers within and seeps its “smelly-ness” until you are permeated with it. Until you are drowning in the mire. I know how it feels. I have been there before and it is not a pleasant feeling. It drives you insane. It eats up everything good inside you and leaves no room for love.

So I understand where the hate was coming from. I can empathize and I can forgive. The hurt still stings, but my spirit can love again. And yes, even people that hate deserve to be loved by those they hurt. Being loved in return is not important in loving someone. In fact, the love is more pure when you don’t expect it back in return. So think about that the next time someone gets on your last nerve and you feel like being ugly in return. Think about what they’re going through and yes, even make excuses for their actions. Because in the end, not hating them will only make you a more loving and better person.