Tuesday, August 25, 2015

What if you want something which is not in your reach?What if you try for it day and night and end in plight!What if having fun some times feels like a herculean task,What if in your own company & competition you wanna bask?Why does a friend in need feel like a friend indeed?What do you do when a false friend is around, to be freed?!Why do we want to always sow the love seed?Why is it as an after math our hearts always bleed!?Who is the one always dancing in front of your eyes?Who is the one who says bye and makes you cry?Who is the one who made your heart his home..Who is the one whom you consider the love epitome?❤ ❤When is the last time you did an adventure ?When is the last time you relished every element of natureWhen did you smile and talk endlessly anything and everything?When did you lighten your heart by saying or doing something?How do you want your life to be?Do you want to live and settle behind the boundaries of convenience ?Do you want to push the limits and move the rocks and the mountains?Do you want to live the ONE life God gifted you fully?Or do you want to live others' life and make it a folly ?Think think think . Think when you talk, think when u see and think when you blink.Think till you get answers to the questions dangling in front of you before reaching the brink!Think think think . Think before it gets too late.Think before you blame it all on your misfortune or fate!

Saturday, August 1, 2015

Two or three months back I came across an image
on Womens' era facebook page which read like
below. I forgot to save the actual image and as I am unable to search the
source image, I made one myself with the content I saw which was questionable
at many levels!

When feminism is given a miserable
twist, it gives rise to thoughts like above. I understand this is
directed at men who think of themselves as superior and who think they do all
favors for women, but many mad women take this as a chance to bash their men
for no reason. I want to analyze each and every element of
this image which was shared by someone whom I know too very well and who
doesn't deserve to share this image at all. This post may seem like a personal
rant but I want to talk by and large to a greater mass of people! Let us start with the first line of the image - A lot of men act
like they are doing a woman a favor by asking for her hand---I don't deny
the fact that we have misogynistic men around us who think they can
control past present and future of their and even others' women! But saying
that A LOT of men think like that is an absolute blunder. If a lot of
men thought like that, on the present day we won't have majority of working
women around us whose husbands encourage them to do it and many I know, share
the household duties with wife. If they can't cook they atleast try helping by
cutting veggies or by being part of other household activities! If a lot of men
thought like that there will be no happiness left in the total arranged (or) love marriage scenario. If a lot of men thought like that there won't be a lot of
women who happily breathe the air of freedom after marriage at
least among your friends and families (keep aside the stray cases
here) ! I always feel such messages give rise to more men who think or
want to act like that, who actually were not like that earlier.

She
changes her name, changes her home, leaves her family, moves in withyou, builds a home
with you, ---now this is the only part of the message with
which I didn’t have much issue! Thank God the words with you are used
here which highlights a sense of togetherness when compared to the rest of the
message. Yes, she does change her name, home, family and moves in with
husband but between the lines it is reading as – She is doing all this just for
his sake. I don’t deny the fact that some people get married irrespective of
their wishes, some can stick to the marriage and some walk out of it. Some
have badass husbands, who make the wife’s life hell but some also have devilish
wives who ruin the husband’s relations with everyone else. Keeping aside the
bad / good or arranged/ love marriage scenario aside, when a girl changes her
name does she recollect that she acquired her dad’s name? I am not saying
it is A MUST TO CHANGE initials. How many of you change your name in
passports, other id proofs, offices or anywhere else post marriage? Everywhere the girl
is addressed by her maternal name. Very less people actually change the name
after wedding. Officially she is the same and it all depends on your choice,
whether or not you want to embed husband’s initials to your name. Why is every
sentence in this image written to sound like the girl’s life is pathetic and
burdened? She ofcourse undergoes a major transition. Who doesn’t? It is
not a cake walk for a boy who becomes a husband. I have seen and heard stories
of men who have broken ties with their parents/ siblings just to keep their
wives satisfied and happy. They continue the marriage which has too many
potholes and bumps just for the sake of the society and they also tolerate and
take shit from her every day just like she does in a scenario where husband has
all these qualities!

"gets
pregnant for you, pregnancy changes her body, she gets fat, almost
gives up in the labor room due to the unbearable pains of child birth,even the
kids she delivers bear your name."

The above line is wrong at so many levels. Is
pregnancy a task , a project which has to fulfilled for a certain client, who
is husband in this case ? How can some one get pregnant for some one else? It
is a mutual decision and should be taken up only when both have a consensus on
having a baby ! It is not like, a mother scarifies for the father by bearing a
baby. If she is bearing a baby only for the man then the child is the property
which only he owns. I am sure this holds totally wrong if it is targeted at a phylogynistic (non-misogynistic) person.
No one will deny the pain a woman goes through in the labor room or the health
issues she has to face through out her life. A mother obviously is the most important person in every one's life!
A father even
if he doesn't carry the baby in the womb, is equally attached to the kid.
His emotional attachment is even unique as he doesn't have any umbilical cord
connection with a kid. It is not like he Vs her here. They both have created a
baby and no one is doing any one a favor. If any of them feels
it is a favor then he/she clearly doesn't deserve to be a parent.

How many of you are happy / sad or neutral about
getting your name from your father? If daddy is a superhero to a girl and if
she is feeling proud about the traits and name she got from her father and
still feels her kid bearing her husbands' name is not justified then I would
ask her to drive a movement and change her name and every ones' names in her
family. Anyway who is changing names
these days? Keeping aside Facebook where people update their surname just to
announce that they are married (even this is done ONLY if he/she is socially
active), I don't see any other place where the surname and
identity of a woman get changed.

My password , pan card, office email id , my
name every where else is the name I am given since birth. I never gave a thought on changing it and
neither did my husband. People who have liberty to decide, spreading this
message is sheer idiot-ism.

Till the day she dies...everything she
does, (cooking, cleaning your house, taking care of your
parents, bringing up your children, earning, advising you, ensuring you
can be relaxed, maintaining all family relations, everything that
benefit you.....sometimes at the cost of her own health , hobbies and beauty.

A woman of course is a super power. She does
what all is mentioned above .A BIG YES to it but on the present day
and date , there are many career oriented women around us who share the duties
with husband . Woman is very good at multi tasking and raising
children comes naturally to many but I am not
comfortable with the repetitive usage ofyour in
this content! What does it mean by your children and everything which benefits
you?Is marriage not about our children and our benefits? If
the debate of who is benefiting by what and who is sacrificing more starts then
that marriage for sure has gone to toss! It is agreed women sacrifice their
health , hobbies and desires at times to meet the demands of the house and many a times they end up sacrificing more than men. But the present generation women should question
themselves (who are in 20s and 30s and are not living in a misogynistic
family), if this is actually true? I am sure many women
around are educated and are working and in no way feel inferior to their
spouses. These young women who have a messed up mind and demand too much self
pity think that they are doing a favor to their men by just entering in their
lives! All in all this post seemed to succeed in damaging the thought process of
many who are absolutely leading a normal life with zero sacrifices but still
imbibe too much self-pity and self-importance due to messages like these. I
don’t deny the fact that men fail to understand the actual “woman” issues
starting from the trials to conceive (which actually include him) , the 3 days
of every month which take her to the verge of madness almost every time and the
entire gestation period, labor pain and pregnancy where she has a re-birth but
I cannot accept the fact that most of the men undermine women. I have come
across many sensitive men in my life, in my family and among friends who
respect women for what they are!!

It is not easy being a woman. It is priceless.
YES . The last line of the post – “Sad that women don’t know their
value,” is so darn true for some. Women
who doesn’t know her value craves for self-pity, demands an unnatural high
stature, thinks of herself as an expert in feminism bordering the chauvinism.

When a man or a woman become calculative
of their contribution and keep emphasizing on it frequently

When a Woman feels she is superior every
day and craves to display her superiority as she bears her man's kid (even writing this sentence feels stupid to
me).

When a man feels superior about his
gender!

When marriage becomes a contest and
every situation is a battle to win and to satisfy egos

When a man or a woman fails to
appreciate the partner when situation demands and when a man or woman has
demands to receive unstoppable appreciation!

When a man (or) woman feels his/ her
spouse should feel grateful because of his/her services

When the basic thing
called LOVE is lacking in their life

When an irreparable damage is done to
the egos by continuous caustic words bombarded at the partner

There can be many more reasons which mar the
institution of marriage but to make and nurture a marriage the four must needed
elements are love ,trust, respect and joy in each other’s company! When these
four elements vanish one doesn’t have a strong reason to stick to that
marriage, no matter what!

Note: I have written this post based on
horrifying experiences friends and family around me are having, most of them
are scenarios where husbands are sensitive and tormented by the whole girl’s
side battalion. Men are sensitive too and can be absolutely passionate about
their partners and spend time and effort for the wife’s joy and smiles but in
recent past I came across few women who don’t deserve even an ounce of that
attention, who overthink and are bothered by some psychological disorder
, think too high of themselves and throw false accuses at their husbands.

I know many couples in India who are bonded
only because of kids or parents or social pressures and some even have
conditional agreements of not seeing parents’ faces if they have to live
together. The
million dollar question is- “Are they all living happily”? It takes too many guts
to come out of a failed relationship and start afresh. If you are one such
person who could muster enough courage, I salute you!

My post might have been vague, starting from
failed feminism to a failed marriage. Today I just had to pour my heart on blog
as I am seeing my loved ones go through the pain and the pain is inflicted on
me too. A better post with well-structured and articulated thoughts some
other time. For now adieu !