"He's very quick for a man of his age. I suppose you'd call him ageless. He's 33 or 34." - David Pleat, ITV

"I'm not going to drag it out or make a point, because points are pointless." - Simon Jordan BBC

"He'll have a pair of sharp and canny shoulders to listen to." - David Platt, BBC Radio 4

"Well Clive, it's all about the two 'M's - movement and positioning." - Ron Atkinson, ITV

"Neil Baker is standing on the touchline with his hands in his tracksuit bottoms scratching his head." - Chris Kamara, Sky Sports

"I'll be back in just 15 minutes in an hour's time." - Kirsty Young, Channel5

"Real Madrid are like a rabbit in the glare of the headlights in the face of Manchester United's attacks. But this rabbit comes with a suit of armour in the shape of two precious away goals." - George Hamilton, RTE

"And Cristiano Ronaldo has hit the ball with every inch of his body weight!" - Alan Dark

"I think the big guns will come to the boil." - Jimmy Armfield, BBC Radio Five Live, World Cup 2006

"And the Bulgarians are doing all they can here to waste every last inch of time in this game." - Colin MacNamara

"That's another nail in his afternoon." - Mark Blundell

"They've tasted the other side of the coin on so many occasions." - Andy Townsend

"I bet Keegan will be jumping like a Jack in a Beanstalk." - Sky Sports News

"They've taken the horns by the scruff of the neck." - Tony Cascarino

"It's a great advantage to be able to hurdle with both legs." - David Coleman, BBC

"If the ball had crossed the line, it would have been a goal..." - David Coleman, BBC

"With half the race gone, there is half of the race still to go." - Murray Walker

"You won't win anything with kids." - Alan Hansen on Manchester United's young side from the 1995-96 season's opening day defeat. United went on to win the Premiership and FA Cup double that season

"We now have exactly the same situation as we had at the start of the race, only exactly the opposite." - Murray Walker

"He's pulling him off! The Spanish manager is pulling his captain off!" - RTE's George Hamilton on Spain manager Luis Suarez's substitution of Butragueno during their world cup qualifier with Ireland in Seville, 1992

"The black players at this club lend the side a lot of skill and flair, but you also need white players in there to balance things up and give the team some brains and some common sense." - Crystal Palace chairman Ron Noades, speaking in 1991

"It was like being in a foreign country." - Ian Rush, on the difficulties of adjusting to playing football and living in Italy.

"Bill Frindal has done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator." - John Arlott

"Hodge scored for Forest after 22 seconds - totally against the run of play." - Peter Lorenzo

"We actually got the winner three minutes from the end but then they equalised." - Ian McNail

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body." - Winston Bennett

"The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical." - Murray Walker

"If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day." - Neville Southall

"We lost because we didn't win." - Ronaldo

"I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable." - Paul Gascoigne

"I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well." - Alan Shearer

"You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out." - Peter Shilton

"I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week, but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester." - Stan Collymore

"I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing." - Ade Akinbiyi

"Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match." - Ian Wright

"It was a big relief off my shoulder." - Paul Gascoigne

"I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier." - Ugo Ehiogu

"Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesbrough." - Jonathan Woodgate

"I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right." - Lee Hendrie

Interviewer: "Would it be fair to describe you as a volatile player?"
David Beckham: "Well, I can play in the centre, on the right and occasionally on the left side."

"If you're 0-0 down, there's no-one better to get you back on terms than Ian Wright." - Robbie Earle

"Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today." - Steve Lomas

"I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock." - Barry Venison

"The Brazilians were South America, and the Ukranians will be more European." - Phil Neville

"All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed." - Mitchell Thomas

"Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had." - David Beckham

"The opening ceremony was good, although I missed it." - Graeme Le Saux

"It was like the ref had a brand new yellow card and wanted to see if it worked." - Richard Rufus

"There's no in between - you're either good or bad. We were in between." - Gary Lineker

"Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win." - Vinny Jones

"Away from home our fans are fantastic, I'd call them the hardcore fans. But at home they have a few drinks and probably the prawn sandwiches, and they don't realise what's going on out on the pitch." - Roy Keane

"We have people coming here to admire the scenery and enjoy their crisps." - Sir Alex Ferguson, on ManU fans

"People say footballers have terrible taste in music but I would dispute that. In the car at the moment I've got The Corrs, Cher, Phil Collins, Shania Twain and Rod Stewart." - Andy Gray

"I hate to admit this but I don't even know how to make a cup of tea or coffee. I can boil a kettle for a pot noodle and I've been known to warm up some food in the microwave." - Michael Owen

"I would like to have Brooklyn christened but I'm not sure which religion yet." - David Beckham

"For Burnley to win they are going to have to score." - Chris Kamara

"He will be called Ronald, because we like going to McDonald's." - Ronaldo, on his baby

"It is necessary to wear the sandals of humility and not let the win over Manchester United go to our heads." - Vasco Da Gama coach Antonio Lopes

"Very few of us have any idea whatsoever of what life is like living in a goldfish bowl - except, of course, for those of us who are goldfish." - Graham Taylor

"Bryan Robson has been a victim of his own success." - Middlesbrough chief executive Keith Lamb

"This is deja vu all over again." - Sky Sports Spanish football commentator

"Ken Bates is a football cretin." - Martin O'Neill

"There will have to be a bubonic plague for me to pick Di Canio." - Italy coach Giovanni Trapattoni

"I'd like to be a dog. Dogs are nice. They can sleep any time, they wag their tails and on top of that they can get stroked all the time." - Emmanuel Petit

"West Ham can take it or leave it. Our 15m (GBP) bid for Rio Ferdinand already constitutes a world record for a defender and is a measured valuation. There will be no more." - Leeds chairman Peter Ridsdale, less than a week after upping his final offer by 3m GBP

"I am a Nigerian and I will remain a Nigerian until the day I die." - Kanu

"It was with a homosexual, I was barely 14 years old. But let's be fair, I wasn't the only one who did it. He was a man in Bauru that all our team visited." - Pele, on losing his virginity

"It was the first serious relationship I had after separating from my wife Rose. Xuxa was 15, still a virgin and had a boyfriend who she fought with. Xuxa's father gave me permission to go out with her. I didn't like virgins so I told her to sort her 'problem' with her boyfriend. Then, after a little while, we became 'friends' and started going out frequently." - Pele again

"We gained more from the game than they did... except they got the points." - Brian Little

"I would not sign for another club, not even if I was offered 15 million dollars. However, it would be different if they were to instead offer me 15 different women from all around the world. I would tell the club chairman: Please let me make these women happy - I will satisfy them like they have never been satisfied before." - Sasa Curcic

"There is a world of difference between football and sex - no question about that. I can't achieve an orgasm by looking at a team-mate, but it would be a totally different matter with Cindy Crawford." - Sasa Curcic

"Wendy Toms has never been taken from behind by a 14-stone centre half." - Joe Royle

"When he was dribbling, he used to go through a minefield with his arm, a bit like you go through a supermarket." - Bobby Robson on Gazza

"I'm an emotional person and I enjoy crying. You know the film Beaches with Bette Midler and Barbara Hershey? Sometimes, when I want a good cry I put it on." - Ian Wright

"Is Dreamcast the name of the team?" - Prince Philip's reaction to seeing an Arsenal shirt complete with sponsor's logo, during a trip to Highbury

"He used to play tapes of Bill Shankly talking. I remember that and a singer he liked. I don't know who it was but it was crap. He played it on the team bus too and all the boys hated it. Until one night it got chucked away. If he's still wondering who threw that tape off the bus, it was me. So maybe he was right and I'm not to be trusted." - Gordon Strachan, on Sir Alex Ferguson

"If I were Marcello Lippi, people would have had more faith in me." - John Barnes

"Darlington will become the most successful club in England." - George Reynolds

"Working with people on a field turns me on." - Graeme Souness

"I'm not going to look beyond the semi-final - but I would love to lead Newcastle out at the final." - Bobby Robson

"When I lived in rural Oxfordshire, I was walking home across a field when I stroked a cow. The damn thing butted me in the orchestras." - Mark Lawrenson

"I do go to football sometimes but I don't know the offside rule or free-kicks or side kicks or whatever they're called." - Victoria Beckham

"Welcome to the Nou Camp stadium in Barcelona that is packed to capacity... with some patches of seats left empty." - George Hamilton

"Dennis Wise, Vinnie Jones and John Fashanu must be turning in their graves." - Carlton Palmer

"I've seen some players with very big feet... and some with very small feet." - David Pleat

"David's most annoying habit is that he picks his toes with one of those long prong things from Boots." - Victoria Beckham

"We started poorly, we finished poorly and we were poor in the middle. Even when we were 1-0 up after five minutes I knew it was a disaster waiting to happen." - Bournemouth player/coach Peter Grant

"It's his first cap, so he's not got a lot of experience at this level." - Brian Marwood

"Achilles tendon injuries are a pain in the butt." - David O'Leary

"I certainly wouldn't put money on myself. Working as a national manager is out of the question." - Sven-Goran Eriksson, six days before accepting the England job

"If you'd been at school, he would have been the boy who ate worms." - Neil Ruddock, on Stan Collymore

"I usually don't have sex. Not on the same day. I say no thanks. I guess that, mentally, I want to keep the feeling in my feet and that's why. I think the feeling sort of disappears out of your feet if you have sex before. I have tried before and my feet felt like concrete when you are supposed to kick the ball." - Freddie Ljungberg

"Veggard Heggem, my word, he must have a Yamaha down his shorts." - Terry Butcher

"I was a bit anxious when I got to the stadium, but in all fairness if I hadn't been anxious I'd have been worried." - Paul Robinson

"England are numerically outnumbered in the midfield." - Mark Lawrenson

"It was as if - (long pause) - the palm of Xavier's hand deflected the ball away. And that's what I call hand ball." - Garth Crooks

"I like to breed players that attack people." - David O'Leary

"The Northampton striker went through the Stoke defence like a combine harvester on summer holiday." - Sky Sports, Brian Beard

"Don't get the idea I'm an Indian devotee but they taught their children how to listen - they had to hear the wind, the trees and the earth talk. You can hear the earth, you know." - Former German coach-in-waiting Christoph Daum, who later failed a drug test

"If you buy a man who is half-dead, everybody may be happy off the field, but on the field you'll have major problems." - Arsene Wenger

"It can't be Sunday every day. There are also Mondays and Tuesdays." - George Weah

"He walks around the kitchen going 'I'm a gay icon, they love me.' The thing is with David is that he doesn't care. He'll go out in his skirt and his bandana and he doesn't care what people say." - Victoria Beckham

"Northampton is a massive club." - Goalkeeper Adam Sollitt

"He left the same way he arrived - fired with enthusiasm". - Joe Lovejoy (Sunday Times) on the sacking of Graham Taylor as England Manager.

"England have not won a game for three months. The fact that we have not played for three months is irrelevant. Graham Taylor should hang, and so should his successor." - Viz, September, 1993.

"The only mates he had in all his time at Liverpool were straight out of the vending machine". - Tommy Smith, on Emlyn Hughes.

"A million wouldn't buy him, and I'd be one of them." - Bill Shankley.

"Ach, not the Dutch again You are all assholes anyway and Adolf should have gotten rid of you." - Lothar Mattaus, after being cornered by a Dutch TV camera crew at Bayern Munich's training ground in 1994.

Richard Keys: Well Roy, do you think you'll have to finish above Manchester United to win the league?
Roy Evans: You have to finish above everyone to win the league Richard.

"The crowd think that Todd handled the ball they must have seen something that nobody else did." - Barry Davies (1975)

"The spirit he has shown has been second to none." - Terry Venables, on Terry Fenwick's drink-driving charge

"To be really happy, we must throw our hearts over the bar and hope that our bodies will follow." - GRAHAM TAYLOR

"No-one hands you cups on a plate." - TERRY MCDERMOTT

"There are two ways of getting the ball. One is from your own team-mates, and that's the only way." - TERRY VENABLES

"The referee has a reputation for trying to make a name for himself." - GRAEME SOUNESS

"If in winning we only draw we would be fine." - JACK CHARLTON

"Shearer could be at 100 per cent fitness, but not peak fitness." - GRAHAM TAYLOR

"It's a case of putting all our eggs into the next ninety minutes." - PHIL NEAL

"Give him his head and he'll take it with both hands or feet." - BOBBY GOULD

"Cole should be scoring from those distances, but I'm not going to single him out." - ALEX FERGUSON

"I would have to be deaf not to read the allegations." - BOBBY DOWNES

"Neil Lennon wasn't sent off for scoring a goal, and that's what annoys me." - MARTIN O'NEILL

"Last night,we were the best team on the day." - ROY AITKEN

"We're going to start the game at nil-nil and go out and try to get some goals." - BRYAN ROBSON

"I can't see us getting beat now - once we get our tails in front." - JIM PLATT

"As we say in football, it'll go down to the last wire." - COLIN TODD

"They had a dozen corners, maybe 12, I'm guessing." - CRAIG BROWN

"I'm a firm believer that if the other side scores first you have to score twice to win." - HOWARD WILKINSON

"If we can play like that every week we'll get some level of consistency." - ALEX FERGUSON

"If they hadn't scored, we would've won." - HOWARD WILKINSON

"It's the only way we can lose, irrespective of the result." - GRAHAM TAYLOR

"Their football was exceptionally good - and they played some good football." - BOBBY ROBSON

"It's understandable and I understand that." - TERRY VENABLES

"If you can't outplay the opposition, you must outnumber them." - TERRY VENABLES

"Well, we got nine and you can't score more than that." - BOBBY ROBSON

"I do want to play the short ball and I do want to play the long ball. I think long and short balls is what football is all about." - BOBBY ROBSON

"Outside of quality we had other qualities." - BERTIE MEE

"Our first goal was pure textile." - JOHN LAMBIE

"To be talking about vital games at this stage of the season is ridiculous, really, but tomorrow's game is absolutely vital." - BRIAN HORTON

"A lot of hard work went into this defeat." - MALCOLM ALLISON

"It was a game we should have won. We lost it because we thought we were going to win it. But then again, I thought that there was no way we were going to get a result there." - JACK CHARLTON

"We probably got on better with the likes of Holland, Belgium, Norway and Sweden, some of whom are not even European." - JACK CHARLTON

"The first 90 minutes are the most important." - BOBBY ROBSON

"I promise results, not promises." - JOHN BOND

"It would be a nice scalp for S****horpe to put Wimbledon on our bottoms." - DAVE BASSETT

"Klinsmann has taken to English football like a duck out of water." - GERRY FRANCIS

"We rode our luck, but that's what the goalposts are there for." - JOE KINNEAR

"We ended up playing football, and that's not our style." - ALEX MacDONALD

"We got the winner with three minutes left, but then they equalised." - IAN McNAIL

"Hagi is a brilliant player, but we're not going to get psychedelic over him." - ANDY ROXBURGH

"It's thrown a spanner in the fire." - BOBBY GOULD

"Maybe not goodbye, but farewell..." - BOBBY ROBSON

"Eighteen months ago they (Sweden) were arguably one of the best three teams in Europe, and that would include Germany, Holland, Russia and anybody else if you like." - BOBBY ROBSON

"There is great harmonium in the dressing room." - SIR ALF RAMSEY

"There are 0-0's and 0-0's - and this was 0-0." - JOHN SILLETT

"...when Flitcroft played for the A team, he had 'footballer' written all over his forehead." - COLIN BELL

"Chester made it hard for us by having two players sent off." - JOHN DOCHERTY

"When you are 4-0 up you should never lose 7-1." - LAWRIE McMENEMY

"I'm definately maybe going to play Sturrock." - JIM McLEAN

"I can count on the fingers of one hand ten games where we've caused our own downfall." - JOE KINNEAR

"It would have killed them off a little bit." - GERRY FRANCIS

"We've watched them twice, and seen a few videos. I didn't see them 38 times though, like McCarthy says he watched us. I don't think that's possible. I did my maths you see. That's 38 times 90 minutes - that's two months and the draw was only three weeks ago!" - GEORGES LEEKENS

"I am often interested in players but I never say so, although I am looking for a striker and a midfield player." - COLIN TODD

"We are not putting our cape over the tunnel : we are putting our cape in the tunnel." - HOWARD WILKINSON

"They're not doing as well in the league as they've done." - ROY HODGSON

"We have faced African teams, we have faced English teams - so we are ready to face Scotland because we know what their play will be like." - MARIO ZAGALLO

"The way forwards is backwards." - DAVE SEXTON

"The one thing I didn't expect is the way we didn't play." - GEORGE GRAHAM

"We just ran out of legs." - DAVID PLEAT

"He's such an honest person it's untrue." - BRIAN LITTLE

"When you score one goal more than the other team in a cup tie it is always enough." - CESARE MALDINI

"The important thing is he shook hands with us over the phone." - ALAN BALL

"You must be as strong in March, when the fish are down." - GIANLUCA VIALLI

"We pressed the self-destruct button ourselves." - BRIAN KIDD

"We can beat anyone on our day, so long as we score." - ALEX TOTTEN

"We had enough chances to win this game. In fact, we did win." - ALEX SMITH

"I don't blame individuals, I blame myself." - JOE ROYLE

"I just wonder what would have happened if the shirt had been on the other foot." - MIKE WALKER

"Some of our players have got no brains, so I've given them the day off tomorrow to rest them." - DAVID KEMP

"I was feeling as sick as the proverbial donkey." - MICK MCCARTHY

"The beauty of Cup football is that Jack always has a chance of beating Goliath." - TERRY BUTCHER

"There's a rat in the camp trying to throw a spanner into the works." - CHRIS CATTLIN

"I'm the one with his head on the line." - CHRIS WADDLE

"We must have had 99% of the game. It was the other three per cent that cost us the match." - RUUD GULLIT

"Of the nine red cards this season we probably deserved half of them." - ARSENE WENGER

"Winning all the time is not necessarily good for the team." - JOHN TOSHACK

"Too many players were trying to score or create a goal." - GERARD HOULLIER

"I've seen them on television on a Sunday morning most days of the week." - JACK CHARLTON

"You weigh up the pros and cons and try to put them into chronological order." - DAVE BASSETT

"It was not a mistake, it was a blunder." - GERARD HOULLIER

"We didn't look like scoring, although we looked like we were going to get a goal." - ALAN BUCKLEY

"The effort I think you should take for granted, but sometimes it's not there." - GRAHAM TAYLOR

"We're down to the bare knuckles." - GEORGE GRAHAM

"Nothing that UEFA or FIFA do surprises me any more and I'm very surprised this has not been sorted out long in advance." - GRAHAM TAYLOR

"He made the impossible possible." - ARSENE WENGER

"Davor has a left leg and a nose in the box." - ARSENE WENGER

"We've got to get out there and set our stool out early." - KEITH STEVENS

"Today's top players only want to play in London or for Manchester United. That's what happened when I tried to sign Alan Shearer and he went to Blackburn." - GRAEME SOUNESS

"We're football people, not poets, but obviously I'm disappointed with the result." - MICK McCARTHY

"To be second with one game to go - you can't ask for more." - STUART McCALL

"Of the ten sendings off, nine have been different players, so it proves we're unlucky." - KEITH STEVENS

"It was a continuance of what we have seen most of the season - that is, various clubs beating each other." - RON NOADES

"I don't read everything I read in the press." - DAVE JONES

"The best thing for them to do is to stay at nil-nil until they score the goal." - MARTIN O'NEILL

"If we'd won, it would have meant an historic double-treble. But we weren't even thinking about that." - WALTER SMITH

"People always remember the second half." - GRAHAM TAYLOR

"I strongly feel that the only difference between the two teams were the goals that England scored." - CRAIG BROWN

"I just felt that the whole night, the conditions and taking everything into consideration and everything being equal, and everything is equal, we should have got something from the game - but we didn't." - JOHN BARNES

"It wasn't going to be our day on the night." - BRYAN ROBSON

"We are now entering a new Millennium and football's a completely different cup of tea." - DAVE BASSETT

"I couldn't really jet off to the States on a whim and a prayer." - DAVID PLATT

"This pilot move by FIFA will take root and fly." - ALEX FERGUSON

"I am manager of Macclesfield and am giving the job my total commitment. Obviously, as an Irishman, I want the job as their international manager." - SAMMY MCILROY

"It's a conflict of parallels." - ALEX FERGUSON

"The main thing in a cup tie is to get through." - WALTER SMITH

"I wouldn't deny City promotion if they got it." - TONY MOWBRAY

"Two-nil was a dangerous lead to have..." - PETER BEARDSLEY

"As the seconds tick down, Belgium are literally playing in time that doesn't exist." - ITV COMMENTATOR

"A smoked salmon sandwich of a football match if ever there has been one." - PETER DRURY

"The shot from Laws was precise but wide." - ALAN PARRY

"Zero-zero is a big score." - RON ATKINSON

"That's football, Mike - Northern Ireland have had several chances and haven't scored but England have had no chances and scored twice." - TREVOR BROOKING

"Tony Adams - he's the rock that the team has grown from." - RON ATKINSON

Messiah section: Kevin Keegan

"I'm not a person who goes into a deep depression after a defeat. I try to remain reasonably upbeat. I'm realistic enough to know that results of football matches are often unpredictable and, when all is said and done, things don't always work out as one would wish!" - Kevin Keegan, writing in the England v Germany programme

"It's like a toaster, the ref's shirt pocket. Every time there's a tackle, up pops a yellow card." - Kevin Keegan

"The ref was vertically 15 yards away." - Kevin Keegan

"We have spent three matches chasing a football." - Kevin Keegan

"There are two schools of thought on the way the rest of this half is going to develop; everybody's got their own opinion..." - Kevin Keegan

"Goalkeepers aren't born today until they're in their late twenties or thirties." - Kevin Keegan

"This could be a repeat of the final. The game has gone rather scrappy as both sides realise they could win this match or lose it." - Kevin Keegan

"England can end the millenium as it started - as the greatest football nation in the world." - Kevin Keegan

"They compare Steve McManaman to Steve Heighway and he's nothing like him, but I can see why - it's because he's a bit different." - Kevin Keegan

"Despite his white boots, he has real pace..." - Kevin Keegan

"You can't do better than go away from home and get a draw..." - Kevin Keegan

I am not much of a sports fan but I think the best moment I have ever seen involving a commentator involves David Icke. He was a former sports commentator who began to hear God speaking to him while working for ITV (I think it was ITV).

You could actually see his eyes begin to glaze over on the show during later episodes after his erm...experience . He is now famous for claiming that many famous people including the British Royal Family are in fact lizzards.

The phrase 'mad as a box of frogs' was created especially to describe him

Although not a commentator i think Gordon Strachan deserves a place on this thread

Southampton manager Gordon Strachan on Wayne Rooney
Its an incredible rise to stardom. At 17 you're more likely to get a
call from Michael Jackson than Sven Goran Eriksson.

Reporter: Gordon, Do you think James Beattie deserves to be in the
England squad?
Strachan: I dont care, I'm Scottish

Reporter: "Gordon, can we have a quick word please?"
Strachan: "Velocity" [walks off]

Reporter: Welcome to Southampton Football Club. Do you think you are
the right man to turn things around?
Strachan: No. I was asked if I thought I was the right man for the job
and I said, "No, I think they should have got George Graham because
I'm useless."

Reporter: Is that your best start to a season?
Strachan: Well I've still got a job so it's far better than the
Coventry one, that's for sure.

Reporter: Are you getting where you want to be with this team?
Strachan: We're not doing bad. What do you expect us to be like? We
were eighth in the league last year, in the cup final and we got into
Europe. I don't know where you expect me to get to. Do you expect us
to win the Champions League?

Reporter: Gordon, you must be delighted with that result?
Strachan: You're spot on! You can read me like a book.

Strachan: I've got more important things to think about. I've got a
yogurt to finish by today, the expiry date is today. That can be my
priority rather than Agustin Delgado.

Reporter: This might sound like a daft question, but you'll be happy
to get your first win under your belt, won't you?
Strachan: You're right. It is a daft question. I'm not even going to
bother answering that one. It is a daft question, you're spot on there.

Reporter: Bang, there goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it?
Strachan: No, I'm just going to crumble like a wreck. I'll go home,
become an alcoholic and maybe! jump of a bridge. Umm, I think I can
take it, yeah.

Reporter: There's no negative vibes or negative feelings here?
Strachan: Apart from yourself, we're all quite positive round here.
I'm going to whack you over the head with a big stick, down negative man,
down.

Reporter: where will Marion Pahars fit into the team line-up?
Strachan: Not telling you! It's a secret. >

Reporter: You don't take losing lightly, do you Gordon?
Strachan: I don't take stupid comments lightly either.

Reporter: So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were
better than you today?
Strachan: What areas? Mainly that big green one out there....

Although not a commentator i think Gordon Strachan deserves a place on this thread

Southampton manager Gordon Strachan on Wayne Rooney
Its an incredible rise to stardom. At 17 you're more likely to get a
call from Michael Jackson than Sven Goran Eriksson.

Reporter: Gordon, Do you think James Beattie deserves to be in the
England squad?
Strachan: I dont care, I'm Scottish

Reporter: "Gordon, can we have a quick word please?"
Strachan: "Velocity" [walks off]

Reporter: Welcome to Southampton Football Club. Do you think you are
the right man to turn things around?
Strachan: No. I was asked if I thought I was the right man for the job
and I said, "No, I think they should have got George Graham because
I'm useless."

Reporter: Is that your best start to a season?
Strachan: Well I've still got a job so it's far better than the
Coventry one, that's for sure.

Reporter: Are you getting where you want to be with this team?
Strachan: We're not doing bad. What do you expect us to be like? We
were eighth in the league last year, in the cup final and we got into
Europe. I don't know where you expect me to get to. Do you expect us
to win the Champions League?

Reporter: Gordon, you must be delighted with that result?
Strachan: You're spot on! You can read me like a book.

Strachan: I've got more important things to think about. I've got a
yogurt to finish by today, the expiry date is today. That can be my
priority rather than Agustin Delgado.

Reporter: This might sound like a daft question, but you'll be happy
to get your first win under your belt, won't you?
Strachan: You're right. It is a daft question. I'm not even going to
bother answering that one. It is a daft question, you're spot on there.

Reporter: Bang, there goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it?
Strachan: No, I'm just going to crumble like a wreck. I'll go home,
become an alcoholic and maybe! jump of a bridge. Umm, I think I can
take it, yeah.

Reporter: There's no negative vibes or negative feelings here?
Strachan: Apart from yourself, we're all quite positive round here.
I'm going to whack you over the head with a big stick, down negative man,
down.

Reporter: where will Marion Pahars fit into the team line-up?
Strachan: Not telling you! It's a secret. >

Reporter: You don't take losing lightly, do you Gordon?
Strachan: I don't take stupid comments lightly either.

Reporter: So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were
better than you today?
Strachan: What areas? Mainly that big green one out there....

Oh Yes good old Gordon..he is so quick witted.

A recent one:

"Gordon what message did you give your players to do before the game.?"

Rex 'Moose' Mossop was an ex dual code rugby international who went on to become a famous Rugby Leaugue commentator. Some famous Mossopism's -

"I'm sick of having male genitals rammed down my throat" Rex Mossop on the nude beach near Manly and people walking to and from their cars with nothing on. He became infamous for performing citizens arrests on them.

"If this game ever takes over from rugby league you can fuck me in Pitt St." What League legend Rex Mossop said to Johnny Warren during a break in an England v Australia soccer match in the 1980s.

"if I keep getting Boyd and O'Grady mixed up, it's because they look alike, especially around the head"

One more from Rugby League-

"Rugby League is a simple game played by simple people. Rugby Union is a complex game played by Wankers." Laurie Daley, ex Australian League captain.