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Monday, April 11, 2011

Monday, April 11, 2011

They say you never appreciate your health and home until you're eight hundred miles away from home hacking up a proverbial lung in a not-so-proverbial Microtel with suspicious sheets and a broken A/C unit.

Now, I know what you're thinking. Who are these mysterious "they?" And how do they gain their all-encompassing knowledge? And what, exactly, do sheets have to be suspicious OF?

(Have I mentioned yet that I've been taking a lot of Robitussin? No? Excellent.)

And so, in conclusion, I'm writing myself a Get Well post from all of you. Because I know you care. And I probably won't remember any of this tomorrow anyway. (Another hot toddy? Don't mind if I do!)

Meth? Why, yeth, thith cake ITH a "meth."

Actually it's "Jen."And hey, I'm right here!I mean, just because someone is humming the theme song to 2001 while rocking a doll made entirely of used Kleenex doesn't mean she can't hear you.

(Daaaa. Daaaa...DAA DUMMM!!)

Now, maybe this is that last Airborne margarita talking, or the honey-soaked onions, or the Vick's vapor rub squishing between my toes, but... is that a sick Bilbo Baggins wishing me a happy birthday?

(You know, this guy?)

'Cuz I gotta be honest: The implied comparison here isn't making me feel any better.

(For that matter, neither are the Dr. Pepper enemas.)

(In fact, I'm starting to wonder if some of these anonymous chat room doctors might not be entirely trustworthy.)

Well, maybe a nice cookie cake will distract me from all the yucky parts of being sick.

Whoah, whoah, whoah! What's with the needle? Is this some kind of threat? What ever happened to teddy bears and flowers?

At the risk of an EPCOT, I think the Bilbo one is supposed to be the "Operation" game dude. Sorry if that freaked you out even more...even if the thermometer looks a little like something else....and why does it say Happy Birlhday?!

Seriously, hope you feel better - get well!

wv: crospora: Yes, I see the crospora "T" in the Happy Birlhday cake :-)

So after seeing two people say he was the operation guy? Yeah, I actualy had to go grab the operation game from the shelf, look at that compared to the Bilbo guy on your post, scrolling... back to the cake... back to Bilbo... holding the operation game next to the screen.... scrolling back and forth between cake and Bilbo....

My professional opinion: The resemblence is there, but Operation man has straighter shorter hair, bigger, redder nose, and not as round of a face. After several minutes of intense analyzing because I have nothing better to do with my time apparently.... Yeah, he is surely more of a Bilbo.

Now I can't believe I just wasted a good almost 10 minutes comparing Bilbo Baggins to the Operation dude.

I never thought of the Operation game guy, though once people mentioned it I was like, "Ah, yes, of course!"

I DID appreciate the vintage (sorry Jen, but it's true) animated Hobbit reference--one of the best versions ever! However, my first impression, despite the Bilbo resemblance was Frosty the Snowman with a bad toupee (are there really any GOOD toupees, or do we just say 'bad' because we're still not bold enough to outlaw them permanently?)

jen, put a pot of water on the stove to boil, add rock sugar (be generous) and wait until it is fully solved, add slices of unpeeled lemons and oranges (of course you'd want to get those organic ones where the peel is consumable), and last add a few spoons of thyme and ribwort, cook for a couple more minutes and then let it cool and filter it into your tea cup. tastes really great, and is the best cough medicine that i've ever tried. as in: it works.

That last cake absolutely takes it for the worst pastry I could ever imagine. I can't decide if it's the delicately placed 'daisy' or the fact that they jammed in a REAL hypodermic needle that makes it worse. I mean, I'll keep checking CW daily like I have been for the last year, but I can't really imagine that anything can top this (or, more appropriately, do a better job bottoming out). Excellent find Jen! Hope you feel better soon!

On that last cake... Looks more like yellow hemorrhoids to me....which in either case is just what most people want to see on a butt cake...that is, amongst those who want to see a butt cake at all....

In the book "The Hobbit" there was a part where Bilbo had a birthday, and he was sick. They had just escaped from the prison of the Wood-elves deep in Mirkwood, and arrived at the city on the Lake. He was so ill from his cold, all he could manage to say was "Thag you very buch."

It is obvious the Bilbo cake was meant in honor of the most auspicious Hobbit, and his famous Birthday celebrations.

That or it is a really really bad attempt at making the "Operation" guy, because I'm not seeing it.

I never attended any of the cake wreck book tours, but last night I dreamt I was helping set up for one. I had to use tweezers to stick number stickers on a stack of paper plates for the cupcake entries. Im studing for a final, maybe I need a break.

I love your blog!!!! I hope you feel better soon! Also I do wonder how long it will be before people fully understand that you know what/who these cakes are supposed to be (most of the time) and that you reference other things/people for comedic reasons. I know full well that when you really don't have a clue you let it be known. Sometimes I get more of a laugh reading the comments of the know-it-alls.

Most of these really cracked me up, as well as you, Jen. However, that last one was just ewww. It was the yellow "star" there that really grossed me out. Get better, Jen. Just think of the bright side - you have now made a public service announcement of what happens when you are on drugs.

I'd share some actual ridiculous home remedies I've heard since living in Austin, but you'd only just accuse me of aiding and abetting Texas' attempt to kill you. And you'd be right, because as Minchin so aptly put it, know what they call alternative medicine that's been proven to work? Medicine.

So enjoy your meds and eat some cake when you can taste actual food again.

I grew up watching The Hobbit--found it like 6 years ago at a random gas station and then gave it to my brother for his birthday. He was very excited. I think I'm going to ask to borrow it next time I visit him. -Not sure why I like that movie, but don't have the courage or the fortitude to read the book. Shall I give it a try?

Oh yeah...get well soon, Jen! (But maybe not TOO soon. I like it when you post all high on cold medicine.)

Holy cow, I think a potential EPCOT disaster has actually been diverted! Only ~16% of the comments are mentioning the obvious, and most of those are only commenting on the comments pointing out the obvious.

Wow - not only am I wondering who has the nerve to put Tweety Bird on a meth recovery cake, but it is spelled wrong to boot? Wouldn't the Coyote have been a better choice? He always was acting like someone in a drug fueled rage. Or maybe that Mexican mouse that tormented Sylvester???

Get well soon! To make you feel better, take a drug-up'ed stroll through Etsy...buy whatever you want, and since you will forget what you ordered when you detoxic, your mailbox will turn into Christmas!

that's a good one today from meth recovery to buttcakes with daisy pasties. if that doesn't make you laugh don't know what will.

we just got over the cooties to end all cooties i am so agreeing with the never leave home again thought. 2 different antibiotics over 2 months now and we're finally getting well in this house. feel better soon. we had better luck with benaryl stopping the coughing then the cough medicine of death (ie the evil tussin)

Well, you know what they say... "If you haven't got your health," you must have an awesome sense of humor! Even tanked up on meds you blow me away with your puns. I am currently suffering at home this evening with a headcold so I'm commiserating with you. I tried to work in a tissue pun there. ;-) You must have better meds than me.

My doctor is from Russia and swears by (and yells at me if I don't) wearing wool socks after soaking your feet in as hot water as you can stand. He also recommends drinking tea with raspberry preserves in it (any tea) and breathing in the steam of the tea deeply into your lungs. All these things really help.

Haha, at least the baker of that last cake seems to be pretty self-aware -- I'm pretty sure the Chinese sign is a pun on the saying "one needle (or shot) is effective," since the word "effective" is replaced with "laugh," or "funny."

OK, what good things could be injected into a butt-cake? Frangelico, brandy, kirsch...That way the person with the strongest stomach (who wants the piece with the needle?) would get yummy booze soaked cake. Everyone else would be sad

Poor Jen! I live in Portland and there's a distillery here that makes a ginger vodka. I had it about 6 months ago and not only have I not been sick since I also have no hair on my ass! TMI? Sorry. You'll have to try it. It's great in lemonade so warm it up and call it theraflu.

Lol oh man did I nearly die laughing at that last cake. Now I am afraid of finding a cake like that in a bakery around here. Who on earth would buy one of those?? Get well Jen!! Hopefully you avoid these evil wrecks seeing as they are designed for evil and not good..

#1 Recovery is awesome, seeing as I know people who have done that. 'Recovry', not so much.

#2 'Too Bad About Joan' could mean so many things, but the cake would make a nice title graphic for a new soap opera.

#3 Ok, I'm late to the party (due to getting way closer to the medical establishment than I would like, but not on my own behalf, which is not necessarily better). Nonetheless, I'll join Operation EPCOT: it's 'the Operation guy'.

#4 The meta-message here is: 'Get well or else!'

#5 Or else you'll wind up like 'Daisy' here. Looks like someone has poor Aimee; I've never seen a syringe inserted that far. It's remarkable how these posts can be cruising along and all of a sudden, the bottom drops out.

Get well soon, Jen. Some of the comment-taters were starting to panic.

Apparently Aimei means Ambiguity innChinese(?). And that's some ambiguous cake! (Before enlarging the pic, I though the little sign on the bottom -- er, lower right -- said Aimed,which would also have been amusing.

I didn't have a chance to look at this post until today, being likely as sick as Jen, and lets face it, if I didn't have dogs who are pretty persistent about being fed, I wouldn't have gotten out of bed at all.I'm glad I took a pass, as that cheeky cake would have been the death of me. Although my tummy is still none too happy today.

Get well Jen. At least you get to have as much "cold medicine" as you want. There's some sort of taboo around here about not being sober at work....

That last one is so ... perky, all bouncy and squishy looking, but then I noticed the syringe was inserted most of the way up the barrel! I ... (well, they probably couldn't keep it from falling over any other way)... but,... um... DAISY!

Sorry, I read about a third of the posts but got tired and wanted to post this before I forgot. That last "daisy" is probably actually a chrysanthemum because the cake is from Japan and in Japan, that... exit... is colloquially referred to as the "chrysanthemum gate".

100+ comments so there is a chance someone else may have noticed that the syringe itself is embedded into the bum, not just the needle, but the plastic, medicine holding, very large compared to the needle syringe. ouch?

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