Monday, June 6, 2011

Italian Pigiamas

Wow! I kinda like... NOTHING ABOUT IT.

Inside the talented magical mind of a Upper Level Marketing Guru

"Seriously, can we get some models on our bikes to appeal to a broader market base? The entire "skater" thing blew up in our faces. Did you know those kids use duct tape to cover holes instead of buying new shoes? How come that wasn't in the original demographic presentation? We make our shoes and boots specifically designed to need replacement in a shorter period of time, I love Chinese rubber, just like all the parts inside the engines, why would we want anyone to be able to fix something with duct tape? Wait, do we sell Harley brand officially licensed Duct tape? Why not? Get on that. Now get me a hooker off the street. Put her in a authentic vintage ladies fringe lace logo leather vest off the showroom floor, I wanna see what makes a woman sexy. What was I saying, oh yeah. Who haven't we sold a bike to in the last 24 hours? I want that pie chart on my computer five minutes ago, make it in orange and black and variations of green, use the colors of money. Order another million gallons of flat black, we'll get this dinosaur resurrected in no time. Was there any response form the goth community on motorcycles? NO!! Why not? Don't these people care about anything? Somebody get me a officially licensed shop rag, I'm going to polish the shit off this turd. I really wish we could come up with something new that would just be the ... cat's meow. And what the hell is this lawsuit from some dope that got food poisoning from eating a free hotdog at a dealership B.B.Q. I want that dealership closed, yesterday. When did we start giving away free hotdogs? What do I look like? Mr. Richy Pants? Do you know how much these Italian pigiamas cost? Hot Dogs should cost at least $8.99 and be offered with condiment accessories at $.99 each, mustard, catsup, they can put shit on for all I care, just make sure we charge them for it!"

1 comment:

Still at it? Fight the good fight. You seem pretty disgruntled with the HD boys, ready to change teams? The Japanese and the Germans have been producing reliable machines for years and years and years and years. You could always paint one orange and black.

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Once upon a time there was a man who had a blog about the magical mystical hypnotically driven Sportster motorcycle(s). Built by a giant galaxy spanning evil empire of hot oiled leather dread for purposes not fully understood by modern man or sentient machine, possibly for off road purposes originally, but through modern technological improvements (at least through the early eighties) now a terror of the road disguised as only a queen could pull it out and off! The learner bike. The girls bike. The first Harley you ever owned. A little known fact; the Soldiers that captured Saddam Hussein after the gulf war did so tracking him down while riding Sportsters for Operation Red Dawn (or as those in the know remember, "Operation Quad Dawn."). The final conflict fast approaching, the Sportster has remained true to it's design regardless of how many times the empire has attempted to church it up, chap it down, or flake it out. Sportsters not dead, they just suck new. What does Chuck Norris not fight? Sportsters. What do Sportsters pity? Mr. T. o' snap.If Sportsters ever die, John Denver, Jeffry Ross Hymen, and Jerry Garcia, may they all rest in peace, would come back from the dead to sing the eulogy, unleashing a deadly zombie virus upon the earth, but still able to make sweet sweet country love on that acoustic guitar, belting out the tooth chip'n hits, and one more eternity long chorus of trucking for the greatest bike in the world! Remember, there are only three kinds of motorcycles in this world, (a.) Evo Sportsters, (b.) Ironhead Sportsters, and (c.) Those Less Worthy. ~ BoBo Jufat