It has been rumored for weeks that twink prince Timothée Chalamet has been cheating on me with a little trollop named Lily-Rose Depp, 19-year-old daughter of Johnny Depp, and while I held off on having a rage stroke until the rumors were confirmed, the time has come to admit defeat. Chalamet and Depp were spotted making out over friend chicken at Blue Ribbon Fried Chicken in New York City — pouring salt on the wound as I love both making out with Timothée Chalamet (or at least my Timothée Chalamet body pillow) and fried chicken. I'm calling my lawyer!

An eyewitness told E! News that the pair, who just filmed Neflix's upcoming movie The King, “stopped on a street corner and shared another passionate kiss” after their meal. "They huddled together in the rain but loved being outside and were laughing and smiling the entire time. They seemed very into each other." Oh, when will the sweet embrace of death come?