You have had such a grip on me that I felt unable to rest when in your presence. It felt hard to exhale, for I felt I have to prove the entirety of my worth in your every day. It was exhausting and I wanted another feeling.

One of expansion. Of deeply knowing my own sense of worth + valuing my well being, and not forgetting about magic, play, + flow. Then I prayed / asked for something different. Something lovely, something easy, something fun. And then we all got sick, one by one. For that might have been the only way to stop me in my tracks and surrender it all up. Now that we have recovered, we have healed, I stand ready to craft the remainder of this month with sustainabe pockets of stillness guiding me.

May this second half of the month represent a continuous celebration, one of warmth + light. One of where the pressure is off. Where less is more. Where a deep trust seeps into all that I do. Where spontaneity pours into the days. Where I am not out searching to get anything, only to give sweetly. Where I can look kindly in reflection, and softly ahead with intentions to guide what is ahead. Marveling in the rhythm shifting, unique to this time. And the hustle + bustle translates to flow + ease, and spacious simplicity.

Like a tree shedding it’s leaves, the branches completely visible. An offering to the earth, a prayer for something new to emerge. A necessary release.

In this space of exposure may the judgements of : Why am I falling to pieces yet again? Why do I feel so revealed? Why do I ache so deeply, yearn for something so sweetly, desire so completely, something other than what this is right now? : subside.

Instead, layer on the tenderness. Celebrate the leaves that have fallen away, and nudge the ones that are still holding tight, it’s OK, you may let go, something new awaits.

It will take some time before the leaves begin to grow again, and then brilliantly + boldly once again change their form.

Allow yourself to fall into the abyss of uncertainty, swim in there for a while, let your ideas + expectations dissolve and trust that when you emerge, you will emerge whole. But then again, you remember : you are / were always complete, even though pieces of you were shattering, they were just layers being peeled off to getting closer to the heart of the matter.