This is my refuge, where I can speak my mind without fear. Come along for this crazy ride with me. This is my Army-Wife Life.

He makes it easy to love him so much...."I wake day or night, suit and boot, for the safety of my people, my family, my love... my life." (It's not much but it's for you baby, I love you) - Joshua Reeves

Saturday, February 26, 2011

I know I've neglected to write for the last twelve days, I didn't abandon this venture though I promise.I was living my life, soaking it up like a "quilted-quicker-picker-upper..." paper towel.

My husband had his first day off in thirty-five days, so we spent the three day weekend as wisely as we could. We spent Saturday raking leaves in the yard, our block captain came by to tell us inspections were coming and left us a list of expectations. We passed everything.. but the leaves. SO.. we were elbow to elbow, sweating like little piggies. We ended up with fifteen, yep fifteen, bags of leaves for our efforts. Thank goodness we had the good sense to stop at Home Depot before we started and pick up a leaf vacuum, or we would have probably needed two days just to bag it all up.

The neighbors yard is connected to us in a weird triangular fashion, so instead of letting this Texas wind blow the leaves right back over to our side, we raked, bagged, and cleaned their yard as well. When they pulled up and saw us finishing the job though, they ran inside without so much as a smile. I'll remember that the next time we're due for inspections!! It's bad enough we're constantly picking up cigarette butts from them, when neither of us smoke. The last thing I want is for one of the kids to pick them up and put them in their mouth, Yuck.

Brandon came over and helped Josh put a bull bar on the truck, it looks really nice on there, especially with the new PIAA lights I helped him install on it. He installed a new intake too, we're hoping to get at least two more miles per gallon from that install. Mostly, I just like how happy it makes him to make the truck his own. After all, I did pick it out, and he had to trade in his little zoom-zoom for the kids.

Monday we got a grill, Josh told me to put it together, I don't think he believed I could do it alone. I made him proud. Then he grilled some delicious steaks and kabobs for dinner. We just kind of snuggled and played and made the most of the time together. We let the kids play outside, and just lived.

I found out I have a love for yard work. We ripped out the dead rose bush out front, and I cleaned out all the old rotting leaves and debris from the flower bed in front of the house. Then we filled it up with some very fragrant red mulch and topped it off with some decorative animals. I plan to add some potted flowers to the display, perhaps pansies. I also got some Weed & Feed and spread it across the yellow grass, and watered it down like my life depended on it. Funny thing is it's been a week and already there is way more green than I ever thought I'd see out there. There is also quite a few weeds.... guess I better work on that next.

My first concern though is the fire ants, wow-ee they hurt! I've been bit way more times than I'd care to admit and of course I would be allergic. You should see me swell up when they bite me! I'm more worried one of this kids is going to be playing and hit one of their little hidden hills and just get covered in the nasty little critters. They bite and bite until they're smashed or you poor cold water on them, nice right? ** just gives me the creeps**

My stress level is a little like a teeter-totter these days. I'm trying not to sweat the small stuff, but it's really hard when the small stuff is all you have. I gave up on the Care Team Volunteer thing for now, with Josh's schedule and not having the kids in daycare, it just isn't realistic. I couldn't even get to the class because Josh worked late the day I was registered for it. I don't want to stop living, but I also want to try to plan for things that wont devastate me when they don't go as planned. Things that can be pushed to another time, a different day... these are more realistic ventures for me right now.

I'm tired of only having facebook friends. I have one friend here at Fort Hood that I do things with regularly, and by regularly I mean at least once...every two weeks. I need some friends here! I need to put down some roots and stop living like a shut in! The sun is out, the kids are at the parks, I need to get off my bum and go out too! I joined a new facebook page, it's run by a woman that does tons of Meet & Greet events. These are the places where I need to go to meet said friends. It's just not me... the group scene. I'm so much the one-on-one type girl, and I'm quiet at first, you have to bring me out of my shell... I hope someone is willing, I need to make more of an effort!

Josh's deployment is sneaking up on us, I don't want to be caught completely off guard, I need some life preservers out there!

So I'm trying, let it state for the record, I really am going to put myself out there. Starting next Friday at the kid's clothing swap.

I have piles of laundry to fold, dinner to make, a bed I didn't straighten up this morning, dishes in the sink from lunch time, and toys galore to be picked up, but to me... it just looks like the Reeves' are finally feeling at home in this house. I need to sweep, and mop, and tidy... but it's home. Besides, I never claimed to be the world's best housekeeper, I just try to keep it livable.

What I'm trying to say, is I've been gone, stressing, and fretting, but mostly just living.

I'm back, I'll keep my word and write more, but I just wanted to update you on what you've missed. Nic is slowly trying to find herself. The ME that she can be proud of.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Sometimes I wish I could afford a nanny. So I could still be home with the kids, but quietly off in my "office" writing. I have all these stories floating around in my head, and I know I could get one of them down on paper if I just had the help.

I'm busy right now, teething baby, a new train table for my boy, Daddy still hasn't had a day off (it's been 29 days).

I tried Zumba out, it's amazing. Two nights a week if I can get out of this house, for my state of mind, you'll find me at the Functional Fitness Center with Lessie.

That's all I really have time to tell you...

Happy Valentine's Day, my husband got me two beautiful Orchid plants and I baked him a yellow cake with Chocolate Fudge frosting, and we'll be ordering "TO-GO" from one of his favorite restaurants since our kids can't handle eating out yet.

Anyway, I'm sorry for the excuses, I'll get back to my every-other-day blogging soooooon promise!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Have you ever been deeply offended by someone you don't know, and try as hard as you might, can't get that offensive comment/remark/thought/gesture out of your system? I very rarely give much thought to rude or offensive people, I try to just let it go, but this particular woman gets on my every nerve. This is going to be a vent post, I don't want to offend anyone, so put your headphones on if you're feeling particularly sensitive today. I've been offended and need to talk/write it out.

There is a difference between confident and being vain, self-satisfied, egocentric, pompous, arrogant, my way or the highway... you get the idea. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but you don't have to shove it down people's throats.

I was following a blog for a while, this person also runs a facebook page for military spouses, and sometimes answers questions with what at first appeared to be heartfelt insight but upon further reading, she's quite the heartless Princess. Her way or no way, and don't you DARE question her judgement, she'll turn your words around so quickly you're head will spin.

From bashing people for talking to their Soldier TOO MUCH during deployment, (Yes, you read that right), telling women that "the only thing that is going to change when he deploys is the fact that he will not be there," to being just downright filthy in her vocabulary. The woman has no class, and the only reason that this gets to me so much, is that she's placed herself in this position of "self-proclaimed godliness" and new military wives are coming to her and facing her malicious judgement.

All of this is worthy of conversation, but the quote that most aggravated me was this, "Marriage is not an accomplishment."

While in some ways I whole-heartily agree with this statement, the woman declaring this statement is not, nor has she ever been, married herself. With an attitude about marriage that she has, I hope for her sake (and that of her "significant other") that her stance changes before she ever considers getting married. It wasn't so much the statement that bothered me, more her cavalier attitude about marriage and divorce statistics. If you get married, for the sole purpose of getting married, then yes, you're destined for failure, but if you get married knowing what it stands for, and for the right reasons, it doesn't matter if you've been together for twenty years or twenty minutes, you shouldn't be told your marriage means any less.

The act of getting married is not the accomplishment. The accomplishment is in finding the person that you were meant to share the rest of your life with, and publicly, spiritually, emotionally, and physically committing to see the journey through to eternity. Her claim that absolutely nothing changes after you're married is also preposterous. (How would she even know?)

No, a magic Marriage Fairy is not going to come by and sprinkle magic relationship changing dust on you and your husband as you walk down the aisle, but the relationship does in fact change. In my personal experience, it brought us to a new emotional level, there is something deeply moving in calling someone your husband, and them calling you their wife. You enter a world where you are no longer him and her, but a united front. It is a higher level of commitment, one that goes across the boards, financial, emotional, social, familial. One that you will only experience with the right person, and once you've actually taken the plunge.

You don't want to get married? Don't believe in what it stands for, or don't think it's necessary, by all means, PLEASE DON'T. However, keep your rude, unversed, hurtful remarks about the sanctity of marriage to yourself. Some of us truly value the commitment and work that is a true marriage, and don't appreciate someone that's never been married belittling the act, but then, we wouldn't ask a Doctor to look at the broken furnace right?

I will no longer be reading her blog, her language is enough to make one's ears ring, and while I'm no saint, I don't feel the need to write like that in my blog. I just prefer not to read lines and lines of curse words when a well placed adjective could do the job.

There are plenty of well-spoken, well-written, military wife blogs out there that don't make my blood boil. I am forever thankful for those women.

Now that I'm feeling a little less aggravated, I just want to ask one last question:

Why do people view having a child with someone as LESS of a commitment than getting married? This will forever stump me. ( I mean this like "we're going to try to have a baby, but we're not ready to get married, that's too much of a commitment.")

I think I've done enough talking for one day, I hope I didn't deeply offend anyone, but if I did, please by all means, let me know, I'd love a chance to defend my honor. (Seriously though, don't be shy, there's a comment box for a reason.)

Monday, February 7, 2011

What if life is just like jigsaw puzzle... where we cautiously put the pieces of the edge together, and only then jump in to the bigger picture.

Our lives start out with simple needs, breathe, eat, sleep, grow. Mostly every need is met by someone other than ourselves. A Doctor watches us to be sure we're right on track, our Mothers, Fathers, Teachers, and Friends teach us what they deem important life lessons, and we learn the rest from observation. Someone feeds us, clothes us, and helps to mold our values and does the best they can to educate us on life outside the bubble they wrap so tenderly around us.

And then one day, you grow up, you venture out into life on your own, and you start to become your very own person. Like a jigsaw puzzle, if you stare to hard or too long, the pieces start to look the same, perhaps we should stop sometimes, take a step back, view the picture we're creating, and come back with fresh eyes.

My puzzle is looking a little dark, a little dreary, time to work on the sky, add in some pretty white clouds to drown out the darker ones.

Just a thought I had, decided I would share.

I apologize that my blog has been so down lately. It's just me trying to be honest with myself. The best way to deal with things is to face them head on, and not try to pretend they're not there right?

I entered a contest to win a free photo shoot for the family. I hope we win, but either way I'm going to get some family pictures taken before Josh leaves. Some he can take with him, and some we can hang around the house for the kids to see daily. I don't for a second think that my kids will forget that Josh is their Daddy, or that he loves them more than anything in this world, but it's also just nice to see his handsome face all over the house.

Still working on decorating this place, can't wait to get our tax return back and have some fun with it. It's the perfect timing, Josh will get to play a little too.

I'm feeling distracted, and disorganized, so I'm going to keep this brief for today. I'm working through things, please be patient with me, I am so very thankful for the wonderful readers I have here.

Friday, February 4, 2011

I've neglected to write for the last three days. Only, it was deliberate.

The majority of my husband's unit are at Fort Carson, CO doing pre-deployment, cold-weather, high-altitude training on the helicopters. He was one of the lucky few that got to stay behind, but they're calling this a "practice deployment" and by all means it feels like one.

He's been working non-stop twelve hour days, no days off even on the weekends, for twelve days now, with no end in sight (okay, Feb 18th approx), and while I'm thrilled he gets to come home from work each night, he's exhausted and barely makes it through dinner and a shower before crashing in bed. He's grumpy and dirty, and just plain zombie like when he's awake.

I'm a single Mom right now, because he's just not here. It feels like Basic Training/ AIT all over again, and I don't like this feeling at all. I've spent the better part of the last two days laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to convince myself that a year long deployment won't be that bad.

HAH.

I know it's still approx four months away, and that I should be "enjoying the time we have left" but you try and block out this gray cloud hovering over your head feeling. I want my husband home on the weekends so that we CAN be a family while he's still around. I want the kids to stop asking me "where's Daddy?" every day, with that horrified look on their faces like he's gone forever.

I know all the lines, "Count your blessings" "You should have expected this with the lifestyle" "It will be over before you know it" but sometimes hearing those things just makes me feel worse. I KNOW that I should be stronger, let it go for now, deal with it when it's closer, but what I KNOW and what I FEEL do not always coincide.

So that's where I've been, off feeling sorry for myself, watching sad movies, listening to sad songs, and crying. It felt good, but I couldn't keep it up, my kids need me to be stronger than that, my husband doesn't want to know that's how horrible I'm feeling, so I'm sucking it up now.

I need a good book to read, something that requires very little thinking, something sappy would be perfect. I'd also love to record six or seven Lifetime/Hallmark love movies and park my butt on the couch with a bucket of ice cream and just veg out. I'm sure my currently dieting body would just love me for that one, so I'll stick with NCIS re-runs and some carrot sticks, and save my severe Emo self for later.

I got to watch my son play in the snow today. Texas snow is a bit disappointing, at most there was a half inch on the ground this morning. They canceled school, most Soldiers ended up with the day off, there were 42 reported fender benders between 0800 and 1030... it's not even 1600 and only a few drops of snow are left. Lincoln enjoyed it for about an hour before the sun started really winning the battle and he was playing in slush. I got a few really good pictures of him, so I'm happy with that. Sophia will have to wait for the next snowfall, she slept through this one.

I'm making an effort to meet new people, I've had a few successful play dates in the last week, so that's a positive. I don't want to feel completely and utterly alone in a few months, or at least know that I'm not. The FRG meeting this Wednesday is the one where I'm supposed to be introducing myself to fellow wives, and turning in my paperwork for the CARE Team. I need to get to the training this month too, so that is very exciting.

I'm going to try not to have another Emo-episode again, and if even if I do, I'll try to write anyway. I know writing out how I feel helps me, and possibly even other wives, but sometimes the world is just too much for a girl, and she needs a breather.

So until next time, consider yourself Nicked, and if you have REAL snow, please, go build me a snowman!!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

There are far too many people out there that shouldn't be parents, but for one reason or another decided to go for it anyway. I by no means consider myself the "perfect" parent, we all have places where we struggle, have to learn as we go, struggle and sometimes fail a few times before we get it right, but there is a line in the sand that should never be crossed.

Child abuse is a real problem, and the statistics are unbelievable, the two of the more disturbing are:

A Report of Child Abuse is Made Every 10 seconds.

Almost 5 Children Die Everyday as a Result of Child Abuse. 3 out of 4 are under the age of 4.

I watched a Dr. Phil video today, if you have a minute go to google, type in "hot sauce and cold showers" and see what comes up. What you will find is an appalling video of a mother forcing her adoptive son to swish with hot sauce and take a cold shower for bad behavior. Beware, this video is horrifying and brought me to tears. ( More correctly, I bawled my eyes out, hand over my mouth in horror.) This is a seven year old boy, who spent the first years of his life in an orphanage in Russia to eventually be placed, along with his twin brother, in this hateful woman's care.

I don't know why some people choose to be parents, if they don't have the patience or love that it requires to raise a child. I don't know why people like this don't see anything wrong with how they are treating the child, who is by all means A HUMAN BEING, and should be treated with the respect he's deserved. I don't know why our society has such a lax system for dealing with these offenders.

What I DO know, is that I was heartbroken beyond belief, I had the intense urge to first get that child to safety, far away from this woman that claims to be his "Mother", and secondly to squeeze my own son in a tight hug and tell him how much Mommy loves him.

This is why Josh and I feel so strongly about adopting/fostering children when our own are bigger or even gone. We don't want a child that needs a home to get just any home, we want them to get a home filled with love and understanding. What we'd really like is for people to just be DECENT and not treat their children this way! How can you expect your child to respect you if you treat them like dirt? That old adage "treat other the way you want to be treated" comes to mind. The Dr. Phil woman thinks that she's been misrepresented, that she LOVES her son and just needs help dealing with him. I argue that she's beyond the point where she should have asked for help, this is like a murder saying, "but I'm asking for help, so I shouldn't be punished." This woman's husband is a police officer, and even he doesn't see a problem with these actions? I feel sick.

I have other things I want to blog about today, and I'll probably be back, but I was just so moved, that I had to bring this up. My heart goes out to all the children in this world that are being abused by the people who are supposed to be protecting them. There is a special place for people that do these horrible acts...

Alert CPS if you know a child that is being mis-treated, they need you, they can't save themselves.