Fooling Around

Are you as sick of the recession as we are? Are you ready to have some fun? So are we. So, it turns out, are a lot of folks.

That’s why this week we asked numerous businesses and people around town to give our readers a break. The following pages are filled with people and places giving away free and seriously discounted items—from free pizza toppings to beer to books and beyond.

What’s the catch?

Glad you asked. All of these deals are contingent upon you completing the tasks as described for each item. And in the spirit of April Fools’ Day, some of these will require you to act—yup!—a little foolish.

Although these deals are for April Fools’ (some are just for limited days this week; some are for longer), at the end of this story, we’ve also put together a box of local resources that are always affordable.

And since the recession probably won’t be over by the end of the week, we’d like to keep this recession-busting going. So if you know of a truly great deal (or you decide to create one), let us know. If we agree that it’s awesome, we’ll make sure others hear about it. (Send your deals to Charlotte Jusinski) —Julia Goldberg

FOOD

Mushrooms, Green Chile and Artichokes, Oh My: Has the financial pinch left you scrimping on your pizza toppings? No more. Through April 7, head on over to Back Road Pizza (1807 Second St., Ste. 1, 955-9055). When you get there, tell the folks a funny joke and get three toppings, at no charge, on any size pizza. (Julia Goldberg)
How Sweet It Is: Anytime this week, head to Torino’s@Home (227 Don Gaspar Ave., in Santa Fe Village, 982-4545) and tell owners Max and Daniela your best dirty joke (a brief one, so as not to hold up the lunch line) and score a free dessert with the purchase of a combo. Choose between affogato al amarena cherry or al caffe—ice cream covered in cherry or coffee syrup, topped with whipped cream and a cookie. (Charlotte Jusinski)

Diners, Drive-Ins and Dessert: Did you catch Tune-Up Café (1115 Hickox St., 983-7060) on the Food Network’s Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives? If so, you know that the show’s host, Guy Fieri, has a style all his own. Dress up like the celebrity chef (don’t forget the sunglasses on the back of the head) and get a free dessert with your meal on Friday, Saturday or Sunday of this week. (CJ)

Beaucoup de Pâtisseries, S’il Vous Plaît: Francophiles unite for all your favorite French foods! This Friday and Saturday only, order entirely in lovely, romantic French at Clafoutis (402 N. Guadalupe St., 988-1809) and receive 25 percent off your order. (CJ)

And All That Jazz: There’s nothing like the local hot dog stand to get one in the mood to sing show tunes. Head to Chicago Dog Express (600 Cerrillos Road, 984-2798) and perform a rendition of your favorite tune from the classic musical Chicago (from “Cell Block Tango” to “Mister Cellophane,” they’re all good) and score a free regular-size Chicago Dog through April 7. (CJ)
When the Moon Hits Your Eye…: You know the rest. Cafe Cafe (500 Sandoval St., 466-1391) already has a great deal going: From 4 to 6 pm Monday through Saturday, get their dine-in “Pizza Bird” special (a 12-inch pie with two toppings, plus two salads and two glasses of wine for only $25). Make the meal even sweeter by crooning at least two lines of Dean Martin’s “That’s Amore” to add on free dessert this week only! (CJ)

Get Academic for Appetizers: For years, local author Andrew Wice has been known in Madrid and beyond for his challenging trivia questions. At The Hollar (2849 Hwy. 14 North, Madrid, 471-4821), Wice, the restaurant manager, posts a new trivia question every day the restaurant is open (Wednesday through Saturday for lunch and dinner, and brunch on Sunday). The prize for having the correct answer is a book from Wice’s personal library. This week, score the book as well as a free appetizer—and with options like fried green tomatoes, fried pickle chips, cheese grits and fried okra, it’s impossible to go wrong. (CJ)

Y’all Come on Back Now:Cowgirl BBQ (319 S. Guadalupe St., 982-2565): It’s the bar where the employees dress up as cowgirls/cowboys. Now it’s your turn. Through Friday, show up at the Cowgirl sporting chaps and a cowboy hat and receive a free order of nachos. (Rani Molla)

Let Them Eat For Cheap: What was Marie Antoinette’s spaniel’s name? If you know, head to Sleeping Dog Tavern (114 W. San Francisco St., 982-4335), tell your server the answer and receive 25 percent off food items and non-alcoholic drinks through April 5. (CJ)

DRINK

Green Beers: Nestled on the outskirts of town, Santa Fe Brewing Company (35 Fire Place, 424-3333) isn’t always easy on the gas tank. Save the environment and counter your beer belly by biking over to the tasting room at your favorite Southside retreat. Do so and show the bartender this write-up to receive a free pint! (limit one per customer, per day this week). Don’t drink too many beers though, and do wear a helmet; you have to ride your bike home. (RM)

It’s an Art: The folks at Second Street Brewery (1814 Second St., 982-3030) love their IPA. Do you? Create a piece of art—any kind—based around the theme “I love my IPA” for them. IPA-loving officials there will judge the art on April 8. First place gets a $50 gift certificate, second and third a $30, and fourth and fifth go home with T-shirts. (RM)

Picture This: Bring in your most foolish picture of yourself to the Aztec Café (317 Aztec St., 820-0025) and receive a free small coffee. Plus the folks there will post your mug, your photo that is, on their already art-filled walls for all of April Fools’ week. (RM)

Rack It In: Ergonomically inclined, bring in your best design (no napkins please) for a bike rack to pdbean Coffee House (2411 Cerrillos Road, 473-9092) by April 7 and get a free 12 ounce latte. Do your best: Owner Dan Hogan plans on constructing said bike rack. (RM)
A Horse is A Horse: The staff at Bishop’s Lodge Ranch Resort and Spa (1297 Bishop’s Lodge Road, 819-4000) sure do love their equines. For April Fools’ Day (Wednesday) only, ask to speak to Mr. Ed to score a buy-one, get-one free drink special at the bar at Las Fuentes. (CJ)

Take It To the Table: Let’s face it. You won’t be able to beat bartender Chris Quintana’s high score at pinball. But come down to the Underground (200 W. San Francisco St., in the basement of Evangelo’s,
982-9014) and place in the top four this week and he’ll buy you a drink. (RM)

Singing the Booze: Compose a jingle about Liquor Barn’s (2885 Cerrillos Road, 471-3960) wide selection of wine—the largest in northern NM—and submit it to receive 5 percent off your wine or beer purchase. At the end of the week, the folks at Liquor Barn will choose the two best jingles and give the composers $20 gift certificates. (RM)

Here We Are Now, Goin’ to the Southside: The baristas at Miklo’s Coffee House (6005 Jaguar Drive, Ste. 101, 474-4886) want to hear you sing an original song or jingle about how much you love Santa Fe’s Southside; do it and score a free medium espresso drink during the whole month of April! (CJ)
Calling All Ninjas: Compose a haiku containing the words “nimble” and “ninja” for the quirky folks down at Ecco Espresso & Gelato (105 E. Marcy St., 986-9778), then recite it for them in person by April 7 and receive a free medium coffee. (RM)

Di Dove Sei?:Ohori’s Coffee (1098½ S. St. Francis Drive, 982-9692; 507 Old Santa Fe Trail, in Dos Caminos Center, 988-7026) has got so many different types of coffee that it even has some to give away. Come in on April 1 and tell the staff from what country coffee originated and get a free small cup of coffee. (RM)

BODY

Bathroom Haircuts Be Damned: In this economic climate, it may be hard to justify spending money on your hair. But what if there’s no money involved? Head to Salon Del Mar (1225 Cerrillos Road, 490-2278) and wear your most ridiculous beach outfit (they want it all—umbrella, zinc oxide, sand, chaise longue, everything you got). The first five to do so will be sitting pretty with either a complimentary haircut or a cellophane hair treatment, which leaves your locks blindingly glossy for four to six weeks. (CJ)

Bring Back the Running Man:The Spa at Loretto (211 Old Santa Fe Trail, 984-7997) welcomes weirdness as much as anywhere else. Saunter into the spa wearing a silly hat (and we do mean silly—we’re talking fake birds or propellers) and then bust out your best dance move any time this week to score a free hair conditioning treatment (valued at $40) along with the purchase of a massage. (CJ)

I Really Think So: Now through April 7, take the winding road up to Ten Thousand Waves (3451 Hyde Park Road,
992-5025), wear your bathing suit on the outside of your clothes and sing your own rendition of “I’m Turning Japanese” by the Vapors to score 50 percent off a soak in the communal tub (regularly $18.80). (CJ)

Let Her Hear Your Body Talk: Ever wonder how Dynamic Kettlebell Fitness (dkbfitness.com) instructor Keira Newton stays so fit? The first 10 people to call her at 501-0180 and belt out their best version of Olivia Newton-John’s “Physical” get to find out—affordably! Sing your heart out and get her introductory class for $60 (regularly $80) and get the first group class free. (CJ)
Soundtrack of Your Life: Jackie Camborde of Sante Fitness Studio (7 Avenida Vista Grande, Ste. B4, Eldorado, 466-7674) invites the kinetically inclined (or challenged) to come to her studio April 1-7 and perform a choreographed dance while singing two lines of their favorite Broadway musical for 50 percent off an 8-class pass (regularly $79), valid for NIA, yoga, cardio or any variety of offerings from Sante. (CJ)
Riddle Me This: Are you in dire need of some relaxation? Estrellas Moroccan Spa (310 E. Marcy St., 995-0100) is here to help—but there’s a catch. Explain to the folks at the front desk the origins of April Fools’ Day and get 25 percent off a spa service (prices start at $55), as well as a free steam (regularly $50), during the month of April. (CJ)
Rock Crushes Scissors!: If you’re an expert at the decision-making hand game to beat all decision-making hand games, head to Rock Paper Scissor Salonspa (310 N. Guadalupe St., 955-8500), win a game of rock-paper-scissors and score some free swag—T-shirts, makeup, shampoo, conditioner, the works. The tournament lasts the whole month of April, but only while supplies last. (CJ)

Kick It: Get in shape in the really badass, non-froofy way: kickbox. The first five people to show their mettle by completing a fitness test at ANK gym (3208-A Richards Lane, 473-4000) will receive a free one-month membership. Don’t worry if you’re not in shape, the folks at ANK will tailor the test to your ability—the farthest, darkest, most painful reaches of your ability. (RM)

Treat It Right: Who doesn’t like to give their body a little extra love? This week go to Body (333 Cordova Road, 986-0362) and exclaim to the front desk employees: “I love my body!” to earn 20 percent off a massage. (CJ)

HOME + GARDEN

Antiques Roadshow: Be your own antique expert. Each day from April 1 to 6, the staff at Recollections (1225 Cerrillos Road, 988-4475) will choose one item from their huge collection. Customers able to correctly guess the decade of manufacture, will receive an equivalent discount (not including items already marked down). For example, correctly guessing that something was built in the 1870s, will earn an 18.7 percent discount. (Zane Fischer)

Creative Drinking: Quench your thirst and pique your brain with an after-hours networking session at Santa Fe Modern Home (5-6 pm, Thursday April 2 at 1512 Pacheco St., Ste. A105, 992-0505). A jury of local business and modern design peers will judge the most inventive bubbly beverage brought by a participant. The winner receives a free pair of gorgeous, hand-crafted champagne flutes. (ZF)

Outdoor Exchange: Bring a precious packet of your favorite seeds to the mavens of exterior chic at Moss Outdoor (530 S. Guadalupe St., 989-7300) and get rewarded with half-off on any garden accessory. If you’re as easily mesmerized by shiny objects as we are, be careful not to trip over the chaise longue while staring at the German watering can. (ZF)

Straw Plan: Have hard times left you without moola or mulch? Agua Fria Nursery (1409 Agua Fria St., 983-4831) is ready to stabilize the situation with a “bale out” for ailing gardeners. Bring your own garbage bag and load it up with free straw while perusing spring seedlings. Offered while supplies last. (ZF)

SERVICES

Knowledge Is Free: Especially this week. If you or yours needs to bone up on a subject or get a little study assistance, Wayne Lee at Club Z! In-Home Tutoring Center is ready to help. Call up Club Z (438-8867, clubztutoring.com) and tell them why learning is fun. In exchange, they’ll provide one week of free tutoring. (JG)

Literary Aspirants: Need some help drafting your memoir (or other writing project)? SFR columnist, author and teacher Robert Wilder (Daddy Needs a Drink, Tales from the Teachers’ Lounge) will provide one free hour of writing consultation. Whadaya gotta do? As his fans know, Wilder’s Daddy Needs a Drink column—and the book—tackle the hilarious reality of family life. Write an equally hilarious (or moving) jingle for Daddy Needs a Drink and post the lyrics on The Santa Fe Reporter’s Facebook group page by April 7. Wilder will pick his favorite. (JG)

Nice Hooters: The Sandoval family, owners of Henry’s Performance Tire (1114 Calle la Resolana, 438-0999), have an exceptional collection of owls. Bring in a little owl figurine to add to their flock, then do your best impression of an owl April 1 to 7, and get a free tire rotation. (CJ)

Beyond Spring Cleaning: Is tackling that overstuffed closet (basement, bedroom, office) making you wish for another few months of winter hibernation? Procrastinate no longer. Larry Krauss, Mr. D’Clutter, will give away a free hour consultation to the first 25 people who call (603-7879, mrdclutter.com) and explain why they are “committed” to organizing areas of their home or office (be it closets, drawers, kitchen, pantry, office, etc.). (JG)

It Hurts So Good: Your body has a story to tell. Tell acuphealing2004@yahoo.com about a positive change in your health or nutrition this year and receive 25 percent off a treatment this week at Santa Fe Community Acupuncture (821 Rio Vista St., 231-6040). The most remarkable story will be rewarded with a free treatment. (RM)

Cosmic Foolery: Have you had a cosmic, mystical experience here in the natural beauty of New Mexico that left you with a better understanding of yourself, the land or the world? Email your story to chiron@chiron-communications.com by April 7. Astrologist Steven McFadden (chiron-communications.com) offers a free half-hour astrological consultation to the respondent with the most fascinating story. “So it’s not a trick,” he writes, “but if someone offers their Cosmic Fool story from the land, I will reciprocate with Reflections from the Heavens.” (CJ)

Gimme R-A-I-N!: We all know New Mexico needs water pretty badly. Help bring the storm clouds by calling Santa Fe Yoga Therapy (474-6418, santafeyogatherapy.com). Whether owner Luna Jordan RYT-500 picks up or not, don’t introduce yourself or even say hello—just start in on your own original chant (with feeling!) designed to bring the storm clouds. Jordan offers two therapeutic yoga classes (it’s yoga of Desikachar, which is aimed at healing and is adaptable for anyone and everyone) for the price of one to those willing to try their best at a rain song through April 7. (CJ)

World Wide Woes: Sing the computer pros at Tangerine Support (1031 Agua Fria St., 988-5588) a short song about your computer woes by April 7 and get 25 percent off labor as they defeat your technological foes. (RM)

EVENTS + EXPERIENCES

Steamy Stories: Think you have the best date story in the world? The fine folks at Au Boudoir (1008 Pen Road, 983-7700, auboudoir.com) want to hear it. This week, email the tale of your most romantic, sensual date to katherine@auboudoir.com and get $15 off a single admission to a class (regularly $35), or buy one at full price and get one free. Check out the schedule at its website; this week’s offerings include Pole and Lap Dancing on Friday, April 3, and Kegels for Health and Pleasure on Monday, April 6. (CJ)

Live Wire: If, like us, HBO’s The Wire gave you a jones for a first-hand experience of policing, you’re in luck. Santa Fe County Sheriff Greg Solano is offering a ride-along to the first person to post the correct answer to the following question on his blog: When was the last time Santa Fe County had a Republican sheriff? Hurry up! Get that answer posted on sheriffgregsolano.blogspot.com, and you could be sitting pretty in his squad car—minus the bracelets. (JG)
Lions and Tigers and Bears: Dress your kid up like a circus performer (tiny clown car not required) and show up for the debut weekend of Wise Fool’s Coup de Circ (6:30 pm Friday, April 10 or 2 pm Saturday, April 11 at 2778-D Agua Fria St.; 2 pm Sunday, April 12 at the Peñasco Theater, 15046 State Road 75, 992-2588, wisefoolnm.org) and get ’em in for free with the purchase of an adult ticket! In addition, said adults can glue on or draw a fake mustache for 50 percent off an item of Wise Fool merchandise. (CJ)

Some Like It Hot: The mighty fine glass artists at Prairie Dog Glass at Jackalope (2820 Cerrillos Road, 471-8539) know all the details of glass blowing; do you? If so, between April 1 to 7 tell them how long glass needs to stay in the annealer, then sing 30 seconds’ worth of “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen and get an individual glass blowing instruction for $75 (regularly $150). (CJ)

Official Ride: Do you enjoy biking around Santa Fe? So does Santa Fe Mayor David Coss. And Coss will take a bike ride with one lucky Santa Fean during the week of May 11 to 15 (Bike to Work Week). To become eligible, make a purchase at a local business and submit that purchase to the city’s new local economy initiative, Santa Fe Buy Into It. One lucky bicyclist’s name will be drawn from those entries. (JG)

Throw Down: Not only does the ceramics-mad staff at Santa Fe Clay like to see people act silly, but they also like to hear people try to pronounce strange words. Head to Santa Fe Clay (1615 Paseo de Peralta, 984-1122) and mime throwing on a potter’s wheel, then ask for your “lagnaippe.” The first person to do so will get 20 percent off tuition on any class that begins the week of April 13—after the first person, for the rest of this week, everyone else is eligible for a 10 percent discount. (CJ)

Smarty-Pants: Those wicked smart friends come in handy and make for great movie dates this week. Just ask them, “According to the Energy Information Administration, how may gallons of gasoline does the US use per day?” Take the answer (correct answers get $1 off admission) to the Center for Contemporary Arts Cinematheque (1050 Old Pecos Trail, 982-1338) and learn how to end oil dependence and get entertained all at the same time. (Patricia Sauthoff)
I Feel Pretty: Haven’t made it to SITE Santa Fe’s (1606 Paseo de Peralta, 989-1199) Pretty is as Pretty Does show yet? For shame! It’s the whole parking thing isn’t it? Well, hop that firm little butt onto a bike, unicycle, skateboard or other non-motored vehicle from April 2 to 5 and you can get your Pretty on for free. (PS)

Political Party: The late painter Rudolf Baranik knew how to mix art and politics together to make socially relevant work that pushed art into a more social role. The Santa Fe Art Institute hosts a panel that includes David Craven, Abdelali Dahrouch, Lucy Lippard and May Stevens to discuss the work of the New Mexico-settled artist. To get in for only $1, bring in a piece of your own political artwork (or a picture of it if it’s huge) to Tipton Hall (6 pm Monday, April 6 at 1600 St. Michael’s Drive, 424-5050). (PS)

Van the Man: Those who frequent the indie CD shop The Candyman (851 St. Michael’s Drive, 983-9309) are probably familiar with music writer/aficionado David Prince. If you can stump Prince (he’ll be in after 1 pm every day but Sunday, but you might want to call just in case) on his Van Morrison, Elvis Costello, Neil Young, Eric Dolphy, Ornette Colman, Hans Werner Henze, Benjiman Britten or Gustav Marler trivia (no birthdays please, this is real trivia) you can get 50 percent off of any single, regularly priced CD, DVD or LP. If you fail, Prince will hook you up with a coupon for a 25 percent discount to be used later in April. (PS)

I Choo-Choo-Choose You: Now that we’ve got the Rail Runner, Santa Fe seems to have trains on the mind. Put on your best train conductor gear, mention that the Reporter sent you and check out Gerald Fried’s Morningtime Train (8 pm Friday and Saturday, April 3 and 4, 2:30 pm Sunday, April 5 at Armory for the Arts, 1050 Old Pecos Trail, 984-1370) for free. The play follows a folk rock singer who travels down the tracks of self destruction after his charmed life is unexpectedly derailed. (PS)

Head Space: Some people avoid open mics out of the fear of making a fool of themselves. But when the audience is decked out in funny hats, suddenly being in front of a crowd isn’t so scary. Aside from the badass music and poetry at the always-free open mic night, Warehouse 21 (1614 Paseo de Peralta, 989-4423) opens up its silk screen studio (7 pm Wednesday, April 1) for a free workshop to anyone and everyone sporting a silly hat. Snap! (PS)

Crowned Prince: The critically acclaimed indie folker Bonnie “Prince” Billy hits The Pub & Grill at Santa Fe Brewing Company (37 Fire Place, 424-9637) at 7:30 pm Saturday, April 4. The show costs $18 but if you write your own little ditty that explains why you should get the tix and email the mp3 to music@sfreporter.com by noon Friday, April 3, you could win a set of tickets. SFR and Fan Man Productions will pick three winners from the entries and SFR will publish the entries at sfreeper.com the day of the show. (PS)

OTHER GREAT DEALS

Movie Buffs: Santa Fe movie fans know the best place for recommendations on flicks is down in our ’hood—Video Library (120 E. Marcy St., Ste. 1, 983-3321) has won SFR’s readers’ choice award for best local video store for as many years as we can remember. You can always count on owner Lisa Harris to offer great advice on movies, no matter the genre. And this week (April 1-7), if you show up at the Vid and tell folks there a clean and funny joke, you’ll also receive (while supplies last) a free copy of Leonard Maltin’s Movie Guide for which Casey St. Charnez—Harris’ life partner and video buyer—is an editor. (JG)
Killer Allergens from Outer Space: Juniper got you down? What about the chamisa in fall or your roommate’s fluffy cat? Whatever your New Mexico allergy may be, Herbs Etc. (1345 Cerrillos Road, 982-1265) has a remedy. Draw a picture of your botanical woe as a monster (killer trees and blood-sucking bushes!), bring it to Herbs Etc. before Monday, April 4 and receive a trial pack of the Allergy ReLeaf System (valued at $5.99; one per customer). (CJ)

Chile for Canines: OK, so the dogs won’t eat the chile. But bring in your favorite tried-and-true green chile recipe to Lucky Dawg Daycare (1124-A Calle la Resolana, 983-6670) by April 7 and take home a free Bully Stick rawhide chew for your precious pooch. (CJ)

Singin’ for Stickers: Make up your own original song about our newly-elected President Obama, sing it to the leftward-leaning sales staff at Santa Fe Hemp (105 E. Water St., 984-2599) by April 7 and score a free bumper sticker. (CJ)

Do The Right Thing: What is right isn’t always popular, and what is popular isn’t always right; no one knows this better than local author and motivational speaker Marianne Powers (mariannepowers.com). Her book Doing The Right Thing and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time is the bible for getting along with everyone in your office, home and life. Email Marianne (marianne@mariannepowers.com) a story of when you “did the right thing.” The three best stories received by April 7 will receive a free copy of her book. (CJ)

Let’s Reminisce: The Santa Fe Reporter celebrates its 35th year this June, and we’d love to hear your thoughts on the most important stories and events that happened in this city between 1974 and 2009. Send a 300-500 word essay on the topic to editor@sfreporter.com by April 22. The top five will be published in SFR later this spring, and the authors will each receive a $25 gift certificate to a yummy downtown eatery. (JG)

Open It Up:Open Hands, one of Santa Fe’s most beloved nonprofits, provides services and support for the elderly and disabled of our city. But since its awesome thrift store moved to 1836 Cerrillos Road (986-1077), business has been a little quiet. This week, go shopping and bring a friend who’s never been to Open Hands before and earn an extra 10 percent off its already awesome ongoing 50-percent-off-everything sale. (CJ)

Food for Smokes: Bring in a can of food to Red House (1434 Cerrillos Road, 982-4202) this week and Red House will donate it to a local Santa Fe homeless shelter—and give you a free pack of rolling papers. Smoking never felt so altruistic. (RM)
Counting Airplanes:Posters of Santa Fe and Infinite Grace Gallery (111 E. Palace Ave., 982-6645) has a Dutch door for its Plaza storefront. If you can stand in the street and, on the first try, get a paper airplane through the top of the door anytime this week, you will go home with a free poster of your choosing as well as a greeting card featuring the store’s resident shop dog, Dusty. (CJ)
Smart Smoker: The folks down at Stag Tobacconist (947 W. Alameda St., in Solana Center, 982-3242) know their cigars and their cigar trivia. Come in sometime this week and answer the question, “What comment concerning a cigar got Groucho Marx thrown off television?” and get a free cigar with your purchase. (RM)

Pranksters Rewards: Did you prank anyone for April Fools’? We want to hear about it. Send your pranks to charlotte@sfreporter.com. The best ones will be posted on our website, and those winning pranksters can come down to our office (132 E. Marcy St.) and pick out a book from our vast library of new releases. (JG)

BEYOND APRIL FOOL'S

We didn't arrange these deals, but we still think they're great

Financially Fit: Nothing like a global economic collapse to get you really thinking about your past, present and future financial well-being. Do more than think about it. Take advantage of a free “financial fitness” class at Homewise. The class will be taught by Homewise Training and Community Outreach Coordinator Andrea Slatopolsky from 9 am to 4 pm, Saturday, April 18 at Homewise (1301-D Siler Road, 983-6214, homewise.org). It is free and open to the public, although reservations are recommended. (JG)

Home Free: No, you can’t get a free house through The Housing Trust (500 W. Alameda St.). But you can access free classes to prepare you for buying a home. The three-part class is held monthly on the first three Thursdays from 5:30 to 8 pm; this month, that’s April 2, 9 and 16. Call 989-3960 to sign up (walk-ins also are welcome) or go online to sfcht.qwestoffice.net/training.htm. (JG)

Free Drugs: Ha! Made you look. OK, no, the drugs aren’t free (and they are legal), but Santa Fe County’s Prescription Drug Card Program (santafecounty.org/hhsd/prescription_cards.php) is a great deal any day of the week. Available to anyone, regardless of income level, the program is completely free. Members receive average discounts of 20 percent on most covered medications, with greater discounts for others. You can pick up an application at local pharmacies (except Sam’s Club and Walmart) or call the county’s Health and Human Services Department at 992-9841 and have one mailed to you. (JG)

Pump It Up: Need to work off some of those free desserts we helped you score? The City of Santa Fe’s Fort Marcy Sports Complex (490 Washington Ave., 955-2500) will hook you up. The facility offers a half-price noontime lunch admittance during the work week (11:30 am-12:30 pm, Monday-Friday). That’s $2 for any adult (classes not included). And the Genoveva Chavez Community Center (3221 Rodeo Road, 955-4000) has a $1 day pass for seniors on Wednesdays. At those prices, you might just start paying for dessert. (JG)

Seeing Is Believing: Don’t have enough cash on hand to check out the local museums? If you’re a New Mexico resident over the age of 60, you can hit up all the Museum of New Mexico museums (Palace of the Governors, New Mexico Museum of Art, Museum of International Folk Art and Museum of Indian Arts and Culture) and the New Mexico State Monuments (Bosque Redondo, El Camino Real, Coronodo, Fort Selden, Jemez and Lincoln) for nothing on Wednesdays. Spring chickens with a New Mexico IDs get the free pass on Sundays. (PS)

Rapid Relief: So scoring a free AIDS test isn’t quite as fun as getting free beer, but it’s relatively painless on Monday nights at Southwest CARE Center (649-E Harkle Road, 989-8200, ext. 1001 or toll free at 888-320-8200). Between 5:30 and 7 pm every Monday, the center provides free and anonymous HIV tests—and they do so speedily. Results are available in 10 minutes because the center is the only New Mexico agency that uses an advanced testing technology. You do need to schedule your appointment. (JG)

Live and Learn: Geek out every Friday night up at St. John’s College (1160 Camino Cruz Blanca, 984-6000) with a free weekly lecture series from St. John’s tutors and scholars from universities around the country. April’s offerings include “Faraday’s Gold: In Pursuit of the Very Small” (8 pm Friday, April 3) and “Document and Time: William Faulkner, Philip K Dick and the Film Momento” (8 pm Friday, April 17). (PS)