"Literature is totally incomprehensible to the illiterate. I write very much on purpose in a way that demands some mental effort to block and perplex the zombie hordes out there. If we do not take a stand for mental effort we will surely descend into lols and omgs. Any thoughts?

You are nobody. I sit here at one of my inventions right now in public view and it is the talk of this small town and far beyond. Now, please explain to me why it is I should care to convince nobody of anything when all facts are very obvious and in public view here???? You could come look for yourself. My work is public."

Phoenixan

Saint Sputnik: "SolarWizard when can I see you on an episode of Dragon's Den/Shark Tank?"

ALERT: It seems that like recently Goldmine-featured demolitions expert Ranccor, solarspawn is a PUPPIT MASTER!

solarspawn: "One pulls the strings. If it has no brain, it will dance. If it does, more by chance.

"I get exactly what I want being just a tad obscure here. I am clear where clear suits. I am teasingly testing where it works. Read carefully the opening post and assume all has changed. Those queried have become the clients in need. Notice the shifts. Notice works in progress. Imagine if you will notes being taken." (emphasis mine; i just really love that phrase.)

Suddenly solarspawn has a lot to say! Why don't you go publish a thousand-page book about it, solarspawn? Oh ...

"The books will be on the website in their entirety. My books do not print. If 'Mind' were in print it would be over one thousand conventional pages. Ithas been on the web in segments. This will be the first time it will be in one place. Much of it is animated illustrations.

"In this day and age you got to be 'suicide chicken' to patent or look for a publisher. Do it yourself. You are right now at all anyone can offer you. I have no need to seek out a publisher to animate my work if I code AS3 and Java. I have no need for a distribution network with the web. Now, that is fairly simple and straightforward if you don't have your head so far up a bigoted ass you feel the need to make a nigger out of a marshmallow, isn't it?"

Cosmik Debris: "if you are going to call someone a bigot you should really avoid using the phrase 'make a nigger out of a marshmallow'"

Queej: "solarspawn, are you from the future?"

solarspawn: "It is not that new an idea. There is just a webassaince."

About This Column

The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.