Falling Again.

What does it mean to be happy? What does it mean to be sad?
I don't think I can even answer those questions.
Especially not when my mind is this fragile.
I know when I start falling into depression. I feel a pit in my stomach.
It feels as though I'm missing something important, extremely important.
Y'know when you get the "butterflies" around that person you like?
That's what this is but less intense. Less Queasy. Less lust filled.
And more agony. More uncertainty. More anguish and feelings of failure and defeat.
I can feel myself getting cold. My legs shake. My eyes dart.
My mind races, trying to make sense of one thousand things at once.
My heart races thinking of the goals I haven't achieved, the ambitions I will never reach and everything I've done wrong.
My palms sweat profusely.
I can always feel myself falling further down.
Sometimes I can stop it. I can stop it and say quietly to myself "Don't do this to youself. Please don't. Eventually everything will be okay."
I make myself persevere and fight against all odds. No matter how hard.
But tonight I can feel myself slipping and I can't catch myself.
My anxiety is building. My uncertainty follows along with self defeat.
I can't control it. I can't hold on.
My rock is flying across the continent for a week.
And all I can think is that I need him now.
I need to hear his voice.
I need to be reminded of just how special life is and be calmed.
I love my Uncle dearly but I'm having trouble remembering his voice. I need the next best thing.
I need him to just say for the umpteenth time that everything will work out, I'll help you all the way. I need that comfort.
I need his energy and strength.
I just need some reassurance that I am strong and will be okay.
I need life to make sense for once. I need a break, just once.

Your Response

By clicking "Sign Up", you confirm that you agree to the
Terms of Service
of Experience Project, Inc.

Login

Login to respond

Username:

Password:

Keep me logged in

Not a member?
Sign Up

Sign Up

Sometimes, darting eyes indicate shame. Sometimes, shaking legs and sweating indicate fear. Sometimes, racing thoughts indicate guilt or anger. I spent most of my life not realizing that my own darting eyes, shortness of breath, racing thoughts and negative outlook indicated that I was feeling strong emotions.<br /><br />Of course, sometimes all these things happen for other reasons - I don't know your situation, so I'm not sure. I hope things work out for you.

More From People Who Battle Depression

I've been through and still battling depression, I was at the lowest 5 years ago and everything is still with me still to this day! I had voices shouting at me in my head I couldn't get away from them! I used to cut my self so I had a physical pain instead of the mental pain I...

I can almost always put things aside to have a little fun but right now I just feel like ****. Some things happened, nothing really major, but I can't deal with it and school is driving me even more insane right now and I have no friends and I'm a *****... I could go on forever...

Something that adds to my depression is seeing how people treat one and other. I have always been a good person. I have gone above and beyond to help others without asking anything in return. I've donated money to all types of charities. I always pick an angel off the giving tree...