Monday, October 28, 2013

Running On Empty

The road back from all of the recent medical ick is going to be a long one. Not because I am physically dealing with a lot at the moment: everything looks great in terms of test results and physical bounce back from treatment. At least, as far as I know, anyway.

But I am exhausted. Mentally, emotionally, physically, well and truly exhausted.

There is nothing left in my tank at the moment and, if I am being honest with myself, I am having a lot of trouble refilling my reserves. Way more than I expected, given how happy I am to be through the chemo and radiation end of all of this.

It feels like I'm some sort of walking zombie, staggering forward and trying to keep up with what needs to be done while really wanting to crawl back into bed and hibernate. That's been true pretty much every day for quite a while. I expected that during treatment, absolutely, but was hoping it would ease up once my body started catching up with itself.

So far it has been nothing doing.

I keep being told to be patient, to give it time, to hang in there it will get better...but I am impatient for it to actually get better, thank you very much. Patience is a lot easier to muster when you aren't required to have it for months and months on end, I suppose, and this slog has been ongoing since February's test-o-rama began.

Meanwhile, the slog continues. This will eventually get better, right? Right??!!??

Because if this is the way I'l be living from now on, I'm going to need a lot more coffee...(Photo via Lali Masriera.)