(VENT!)A few mean words gets the best of you...

I'm exactly 2 months PP today(Gabrial is 2 months!). For the whole month of April, the hospital advised me to stay here in Amarillo(2 hours away from home) to breastfeed Gabriel and be with Gabriel often. I can understand that and have been here, but today really ticked me off. On Sunday, I woke up at 7 AM and went to the hospital at 8 to see him, bathe him and breastfeed. The nurse and me left on good terms, she knew I was going home for Easter. I told her I might stay the night too and be back the next day which did happen. Today my sister and me took off from home and went straight to the hospital. I walk into my son's room and the nurse isn't in there(like always). A few minutes later, a elderly lady comes in and greets me. His nurse for the day. She tells me his state and we exchange a few words. She was nice at first. Then she asks me all rude" Will you be here tomorrow?" I wanted to say Duh! but i'm not a rude person, so I just tell her yes. Then I ask what time she'd like for me to come, 8 AM or 11 AM. She says that she doesn't care. Then she turns her back to me and adds,"With all that running around you've been doing, you should just sleep in." I found that offensive. As if I never come and see my own son. I'm there every single day! One time there was also this other nurse who told me and my husband off saying that if we're not gonna be staying at the ronald mcdonald house then we shouldn't be there at all cause the rooms are so in demand(funny there's only 15 rooms but 7 families staying there, we were gone for one night, we went home to go visit his sister who had came up from south texas, and came back the next day). she also said that those rooms are for families who want to see their babies. I wanted to so badly tell her off. I was fuming! What is it with these nurses? Yes they are helping my son with his fragile state but why are they like that with me? Do they not understand that I live two hours away from here, a senior in high school, 18, and have no money? And I went home for a holiday! Can't they at least see that? They're never satisfied. I get scared that they'll take my baby away cause I'm "never there". I'm gone one day and all of sudden I'm "never there". I'm always there! I'm tired of dealing with these people. Some are really nice but some are the complete opposite. I want to go home already, and with my son in my arms =/

Comments (12)

Find the patient advocate and complain. I had to do that when DD was in the NICU. A nurse was aweful and made me feel like a terrible person to the point I left in tears. I saw the patient advocate and the head of the nurses. They moved my DD to another part of the NICU with the promise that my DD would never be cared for by that nurse again. I noticed at my DD's NICU that they documented every time I came to visit. I was always scared they wouldn't think I cared enough and tell CPS or something. That is an aweful feeling and I am so sorry you have to go through this.

They may not be able to do much more than have a talk about how parents are feeling to these nurses but it is better than nothing.

--

Brea

To realize the value of one month: Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.

some nurses feel they can say whatever they want cuz they are there all the time. well duh thats their jobs! we on the other hand might not be able to be at the hospital as much as we would like because of certain circumstances. ugh, i hate it when those nurses act like they are in such power since they are taking care of our babies. i agree with the pp i would say something to them. good luck!! and dont worry about them taking your lil boy away. when i had my first baby i could only be at the hospital every 3 days cuz i lived an hour away with no job no money and no gas to get there. the comments the nurses make are so unnessessary.

they aren't going to take your baby. The hospital I was at was the only one around with a level 3 NICU. They (the powers that be I guess ) understand that not everyone can be there every day. Brady's last roommate was a little boy whose mom made it there 2 or 3 days a week. She lived about 2 or 3 hours away and had to work.

I was only able to visit a few hours every day. I went up every day at lunch, and sometimes not at night. The nurses would ask if I would be back and yes, sometimes it makes us feel like bad mom's, but I know it MY case it was b/c I felt guilty that I couldn't be there as often as I needed to. When I sat down and thought about it I had to realize that these nurses see what we are experiencing every day and whether we like it or not in some way that have to become desensitized to do their job.

I never had a good supply of BM so I stopped pumping about a month and a half into her stay. It had been about 2 weeks and a nurse told me that it hadn't been too long that I could start up again and that it was the best thing for my baby. I was incredibly offended that she had told me that. She made me feel like I was not doing what was best for my child and that I was a bad mother for letting my milk supply dwindle. She was not my friend :P

Just try to take what some of them say and put it away. They are people just like us and sometimes talk out of their rear ends :P

FWIW, you have seen your ds WAY more than I saw dd her eight week stay. While I would have loved to have been there for hours every day, the truth of the matter is we have a 10yo and a 7yo who were in school (so someone HAD to be home to get them to school, plus they needed us too), we lived 1 1/2 hours away, I was in no shape to drive most of those weeks due to my health issues at the time, and there was no place for us to stay that was reasonable. Even with gas at $4/gallon then, it was cheaper to drive and they were NOT very encouraging about ANY housing. We were seeing her every other day mostly, then later up to 4-5 days a week, but weekdays we could only be actually with her about 4 hours.

Now, as far as the nurse, by all means, you can certainly go to the head of nursing and ask that your child not be given that nurse again. I hated how our hospital ran--we were there eight weeks and even seven weeks in we were still getting nurses we hadn't met before, there was no consistency of care. There was one nurse I don't think dd ever had, but we observed her manner and heard what she was saying to one baby boy and decided we NEVER wanted her caring for our child, and our request was honored.

I had a few great nurses in the NICU and some ehhh nurses. The great ones understood that it was important for the mommy to take care of herself, that means that you are not there 24/7. In the first few days, one of them would remind me that I hadn't eaten yet and that I looked tired. At first I was thinking, don't tell me what to do, but after sheer exhaustion, I began to realize how important it was to take care of myself and have time in the NICU and time with supportive family and friends.

My husband and I gave nicknames to the nurses we didn't like so we could vent to each other and made it funny so I wouldn't get so mad thinking about it. It sounds mean but you do what you have to do.

I hated that there were so many different nurses too. It was hard to feel so not in control of my son's care.

I think there are nurses like that at every hospital you go to. I agree with the previous advice to go to the patients advocate or social worker if you've been given one. The NICU is stressful enough for us parents, I really wish the nurses could see that and keep judgements and thoughts to themselves

Why is it there are always awful nurses in the NICU? Combination of our emotional state and their personality I guess...

They will not take your baby away. When Keller was in the NICU the baby next to him was a twin who's brother already went home, he had been there for 3 months. When it was time for him to go home, CPS had to call his parents several times to get them to come to the hospital. Sad situation I know, but they still got their son.

Best advice: speak up, and refuse to be treated that way, you're paying for the care of your son and you deserve to be treated well.

Wow, I'm honestly astonished :( I can't believe they talk to you that way! I'm so sorry!! ((HUG))

I will echo the others who say to speak to a patient advocate. If there isn't one, ask to speak with the nurse manager. Tell her everything you told us - that you ARE there all day long everyday and the two times you give yourself a much needed and deserved break from the NICU, you are treated like an absent parent! Not cool. Having a sick preemie baby is hard enough, being in the NICU 2 months is hard enough, you do NOT need this added bull crap.

Thank you ladies! Glad to hear that I'm not the only one that's taken this "abuse". Aliraerae I took your advice and have officially named the nurse from yesterday(had her today too, she was once again mean and rude but I tried not to pay attention to her and give in) "Dracula". Just cause she reminds me of the old vampire from Underworld. It does sound mean, but it makes me feel better. So does seeing my sons face! =] He's getting so big and is now in a open crib! You ladies rock!!!

Hang in there Odie -- I think all of us on this board can agree that we had that "one nurse" who rubbed us the wrong way. I know I had one with Ben that managed to make me feel like the worst mother in the world (she could achieve it with even a few words -- her tone was just the worst). It wasn't long before I figured out that no one, not even her co-workers liked her. Just let it roll off your back.