We hope that you will pay attention to the things you have
done that go against sharee’ah, such as getting to know that girl who is a
stranger (non-mahram) to you, talking to her, making friends with her and
other shortcomings to which you have admitted. You should understand that
these sins mean that you must give them up, regret doing them and resolve
not to do them again, as well as praying a great deal for forgiveness and
doing righteous deeds.

With regard to your relationship with this girl, it is not
permissible for you to talk to her or see her, let alone make friends with
her and be alone with her. It is good that you and she have thought of
marriage, because it is the only legitimate shar’i way that you can be
together, so do your best to attain that; but if that is not possible for
you, then this relationship should be ended completely and perhaps Allaah
will compensate you with someone better than her and will compensate her
with someone better than you.

We have discussed the issue of correspondence between the
sexes being haraam in the answer to question no.
26890 and
10221.

With regard to haraam infatuation and its effects, and
marriage to the one with whom one is infatuated, please see the answer to
question no. 47405.

Secondly:

With regard to your family’s objections to this marriage, you
should note that the parents’ relationship to their son’s marriage may take
several forms, such as the following;

1-

Not approving of any girl whom he chooses for himself as a
wife.

2-

Not approving of a girl whom he chooses, but their objection
is for legitimate shar’i reasons, such as if she has a bad reputation, or
she is not Muslim – even though marriage to a Christian or Jewish woman is
basically permissible.

3-

Not approving of a girl whom he chooses, but it is not for
any legitimate shar’i reason, rather it is for personal or worldly reasons,
such as if she is not beautiful or is not from a good family, and he is not
infatuated with her and he does not fear any harm to himself if he does not
marry her.

4-

The same scenario as that mentioned above, but he is
infatuated with her, and fears fitnah for himself if he does not marry her.

5-

Forcing him to marry a girl whom they choose for him, even if
she is religiously committed and of good character.

It seems to us from the rulings on the scenarios mentioned
above that the son should obey his parents in the second and third cases,
and that it is definitely obligatory for him to do so in the second case. In
the second case the matter is clear and he has to obey them, because he is
going to do something that is bad for their son and may also affect them.

In the third case it is permissible for him, but obeying them
is obligatory, and what is obligatory takes precedence over what is
permissible.

As for the first, fourth and fifth scenarios, it does not
seem that he is obliged to obey them, because choosing a wife is the son’s
right, not the parents’; they may intervene in some cases but not in all.
Preventing him from marrying any girl he chooses, regardless of whether she
is religiously-committed or not, is pointless and he does not have to obey
them.

The same applies if he is infatuated with a woman and fears
fitnah if he does not marry her. In this case he does not have to obey them
if they tell him to leave her and not marry her, because that may lead to
evil and fitnah that Islam came to prevent.

It is definite that he should not obey them in the fifth
case, which is where they force him to marry a girl whom they have chosen.
This is not a matter in which he is obliged to obey them. Rather it is akin
to food and drink: he may choose whatever he wants to eat and drink, and
they have no right to control that.

Ibn Muflih al-Hanbali (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

The parents have no right to force their son to marry someone
he does not want. Shaykh Taqiy al-Deen (i.e., Ibn Taymiyah – may Allaah have
mercy on him) said: Neither of the parents has the right to force their son
to marry someone whom he does not want, and if he refuses then he is not
sinning by disobeying them, because no one has the right to force him to eat
food he finds off-putting when there is food that he wants to eat, and
marriage is like that and more so. Food that one is forced to eat is
unpleasant for a short while, but a forced marriage lasts for a long time,
and it harms a person and he cannot leave it. End quote.

Al-Adaab al-Shar’iyyah (1/447)

Based on this, we say:

If that girl has embraced Islam and become a good Muslim, and
you are infatuated with her, and you fear fitnah if you leave her, then we
think that you should marry her, even if your mother does not agree. That
applies even more so if you fear that her religious commitment may be
affected if she has no one to look after her.

We advise you to try to convince your parents so that you can
combine two good things: obeying them and marrying the one with whom you are
infatuated. You can get married without your mother’s knowledge, and try to
guide her and advise her, and say du’aa’ for her and for your father.

You should remember that because it is permissible for you to
marry whomever you want and you do not have to obey your parents (in this
matter), you should not fear their du’aa’ against you or their being angry
with you, because that is a sinful du’aa’ which Allaah will not accept from
them, in sha Allaah, unless you are wronging them and transgressing against
them. Because it is permissible for you to marry without adhering to their
wishes, you will not be sinning or doing wrong.

In those answers you will see more examples of that which we
have discussed above.

See also the answer to question no.
5053 for a discussion on the
rights that your mother has over you, and your rights over your mother.

Thirdly:

You should remember that it is not permissible for you to
marry this girl without her having a wali (guardian). If she has a wali from
among her family who is Muslim, then he must agree to the marriage – but a
kaafir cannot be her guardian if she becomes Muslim. If there is no Muslim
among her guardians then a Muslim should act as her wali, such as a shar’i
judge (qaadi) or Mufti, or the imam of an Islamic centre. Whatever the case,
it is not permissible for her to get married without a wali.