UMBC Gender and Women's Studies Students Write Back

My greatest fear

has always been losing control of my body. I know that we all get older everyday, and that one day we’ll all reach a certain point where our bodies may start to fail us. They won’t work the way they used to and we won’t be able to do the things that we could do a couple of years earlier. We’ll lose sensitivity in our fingers, lose our sight, lose our hearing, and there’s nothing we can do about it. This is something that scares me, it terrifies me to imagine my self not be able to control my body. Growing up I learned that my body belongs to me and that I am in-charge of my body but the fact that we will grow older reminds me that one day this will not be true. Yes I’ll still own my body but it won’t feel that way, I would like to believe that I would still be in-charge of my body but my body may feel differently. I think about what may happen if I get older and am no longer able to take care of myself and placed in some kind of institution where I am forced to take certain types of medicine, forced to takes baths when i don’t want to, or to go to sleep when i’m not tired. I’ve never liked being told what to do with my body or being forced to do anything but with age my body will begin to have a mind of its own and it will force me to do things i most likely will not want to do, and all i can do is get ready.

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5 Responses

I think this is a totally legitimate fear, and it occurs to everyone at least once. After all, half of the products in the “health and beauty” department are devoted to making ourselves look younger and our bodies function like they did “back in the good ol’ days.” Heck, once an illness overcomes someone and they lose an area of control over their body, they are seen as less of a person. Which is silly. But maybe it’s because the person themselves view themselves as less than a person due to their ability to preform certain tasks. Humans crave independence. Illness (and ultimately death) prevent us from obtaining that independence which probably makes it so unappealing.

Yes, this is a fear most people will have in the course of their lifetime. I myself am scared of the prospect of my body changing and eventually deteriorating. However, this eventual deterioration is inevitable for everyone. No matter how many cosmetics you use on your body or how many plastic surgeries you get to look young and beautiful you cannot escape it. Anyway, I believe that true beauty lies within you and not on the outside. Beauty is but skin deep!

Seeing posts like this actually make me really excited. As a Management of Aging Services major, I’m learning how to recreate the world of elder care in a way that gives older adults more control over their lives, especially in nursing homes and Continuing Care Retirement Communities. I believe that the high numbers of depressed residents in such facilities and the deterioration of the self that so many older individuals face are partly due to the helplessness they may feel because of their changing health and the caregivers that attempt to do “what is best for them.” Most of the time, healthcare solutions come in a one-size-fits-all package, when in reality, older adults, just like younger people, come from a variety of backgrounds and have a whole slew of personalities that may not be competent with these solutions. The future of Aging Services is an individualized one, tailored to each adult’s needs. Although it will be a difficult process, I’m really looking forward to playing a part in this revolution.

I can relate to the sense of fear in this post. As we have learned in the disability section of General Women Studies, once a person becomes old, their body starts to deteriorate ( what most of us are afraid of) and that contributes to the elderly person becoming disabled, since a deteriorated body is considered useless in the norm of society. When this fear occurs, I try to counteract it by giving my senior years not so stereotypical a label of being trapped in a limited body. I rather think that I would still be able to live my fully, deteriorated body or not. Because as long as a body is still alive and running, it is not to be considered useless.

This post really speaks to me. Growing up with two younger siblings, I was raised to be the leader and protector. I was groomed to be the responsible one, helpful and pleasant, always available for the adults in my family in case they needed me. I also became strong physically, and my family began to rely on me for my strength. Imagine my fear, at 23, of ever needing to use crutches. Imagine my terror at the thought of a wheelchair. Imagine how much I dread ever being bedridden. I have had the fear of uselessness instilled in me from day one in a world where I’m eventually going to lose control and ultimately die. Why this. Just, why this.