If
you missed both TNA’s last PPV and their last several weeks of TV, you probably aren’t reading this, either.In that case, I can safely say that your mother uses her hand on sailors to earn crack
money.

RECAPITATION:

NWA TNA Hard Justice PPV

5/15/05

Orlando,
FL

Before we get started here, I’d just like to publicly thank TNA for putting on a show
with the single gayest name in PPV history.“Hey, Sean, come on over Sunday!I’m getting hard, just us!Hello?Hello??”

Now
then, time for the countdown show hosted by Jeremy Borash and Don West.Mike
Tenay joined them for the open.No Shane Douglas or Scott Hudson tonight for
some reason.One fan sign taunted “Worst Wrestling Ever,”
while another fan held up a black armband with the word “CANDIDO” on it.For some reason, they still call the Orlando arena
“The Impact Zone” even though they’re not taping Impact tonight.Please
don’t confuse the recappers, TNA.We already have a full plate trying to
figure out why you built the Abyss-Alex Shelley split for months, then never had them wrestle each other once it finally happened.

They
replayed the outstanding sitdown interview with Tito Ortiz, where he put over the business in general and TNA in specific.From there, a nice feature aired hyping the XD Title match tonight, with Christopher
Daniels defending against Shocker.

A) Shark Boy pinned David Young to win a spot in tonight’s Gauntlet match at 6:28.Shark did the butt-bite for a comedy
pop, followed by Young catching a pescado and dropping him on the rail.Young
hit a sloppy second-rope moonsault for a nearfall, then missed a follow-up moonsault off the top altogether.Shark bit Young in the corner and hit a missile dropkick for a nearfall.Young gave Sharky with a unique swing slam, but Shark caught him charging into the corner and hit the DSD (deep sea
drop; an inverted tornado DDT) for the pin.Nothing match, but Shark is a good
curtain-jerking babyface because the crowd digs him.(Mike)

JB
did more shilling while one of the TNA models stood next to him, overacting to everything he said while never speaking.She acted like a mime and looked like a transvestite.If that wasn’t enough, directly behind them in the crowd was this guy with a red shirt who looked like a composite
of every stalker’s mugshot you’ve ever seen at the Post Office.Very
disturbing, indeed.

They recapped the Jarrett-Styles history, followed by the excellent Sahadi feature on “The
Phenomenal One” that aired on the 5/13/05 Impact.

Terry
Taylor (who could pass for Jerry Springer’s stunt double) interviewed Jarrett.Do you realize that between the two of them, that’s like 27% of the surviving WCCW wrestlers?Jarrett demanded to know where Tito Ortiz’ dressing room was.The tension was underwhelming.

JB
and DW closed the countdown show with one last preview, including the first official announcement that Outlaw & Monty
Brown would face B.G. James & DDP on the show.Sure, NOW
you tell us, when it’s too late to turn back.

The
PPV opened with a classy tribute to Chris Candido.The Impact Zone was empty
with a lone spotlight shining down on a chair set up in the ring.The chair displayed
one of the NWA World Tag Title belts, Candido’s trademark towel, and a photo of the man.A 10-bell salute commenced.Very, very, VERY well done.This was a major credit to TNA and everybody who works there.

Siucki tripped as he was walking to the ring.Jokes about Candido’s ghost continue to run wild throughout the industry.West called the Team Canada guys “former tag champs.”And
last month, Shane Douglas said that Petey & Eric were the CURRENT “tag champs.”Memo to TNA: Petey Williams & Eric Young were NEVER your tag team champions together.Eric & Bobby Roode were, but to date, Petey has never held your tag title.Assbags.Aportion botched a lucha launch early, causing the
fans to boo the holy hell out of the babyfaces.To be honest, I kind of resent
them putting Siucki in an unadvertised match on the PPV.His poorly trained ass
oughtta just be gone altogether.My mild annoyance turned to seething hatred
when, at 2:39 into the match, Siucki zapped Eric with THE EXACT SAME
DROPKICK/LEG-LARIAT THAT KILLED CHRIS CANDIDO.This promotion went from first-class to worst-possible-taste in a span of about six minutes.The TC guys worked hard, but Aportion & Siucki are just plain useless, as I’ve been saying for
months now.Their combined suck spread to Petey, who was more “off”
than I’ve ever seen him before.He couldn’t even make a hurracanrana
look good on one of these goofs.Finish saw fellow TC’er “A1”
Alistar Ralphs run-in, jackhammer Siucki, and place Petey on top of him for the pin.Tasteless, disjointed, and just plain bad.(Chris)

“Earlier
tonight” a limo pulled up, delivering Tito Ortiz to the Zone.From there,
we saw clips of both A.J. Styles and Jeff Jarrett walking in.The hell?The REFEREE gets a limo, but your champion and challenger have to walk to the building?Nice priorities, you dongs.

2) Michael Shane & Trinity beat Chris Sabin & Traci in a mixed tag match at 10:20.For the first time I can remember,
both mixed teams wore matching outfits.The heels (Shane & Trin) wore black,
while the faces (Sabin & Traci) wore white.I shoulda seen it coming then
and there.While the guys danced in the ring, Traci and her furry Berzerker boots
chased Trinity all over the Zone.Once they made it back to the ring, they did
a clever cheesecake spot, rolling around together in a small package (which, ironically, was the exact opposite effect it
probably had on most guys watching).As Traci continued to own Trin, the fans
engaged in a fun “Hail Traci” chant.They usually chant “Hail
Sabin” for Chris Sabin.Trin tagged out, setting up a spot where Shane
asked Traci for a kiss.Instead, she suckered his pucker into a sweet springboard
dropkick from Sabin (outstanding camera shot and replay for this).Trinity cock-blocked
Sabin on the top rope, allowing Shane to deliver a nice double-underhook superplex.Trin tripped Sabin’s comeback, and stung him with a missile dropkick.Shane
threw Sabin off from an attempted tornado DDT, but ate an enziguiri seconds later.Hot
tags to the hotties.T&T brawled up the ramp, leading to Sabin hitting a
springboard dive to the floor on Shane.“TNA” chant.In a spot that was just a little too contrived for my tastes, Sabin took the bullet for Traci, receiving
a flying hurracanrana from Trinity.A clothesline or dropkick?Sure.A hurracanrana?That’s pushing it.Traci expressed her gratitude by low-blowing
Sabin in a perfectly-timed turn.Shane nailed Trinity with sweet cover music,
making it two-for-two.Shane pinned Sabin after another helping of SCM.Shane and Traci dry-humped in celebration.The crowd loved this entire thing, and so did I.It was everything I enjoy as a fan; great workers, hot chicks, a good match, and a great angle.Not only did this culminate all the angles leading up to the match, but it left me chomping at the bit
to see what happens next.(Kerry)

The
announcers plugged the next PPV, Slammiversary (6/19/05).Well, at least it’s less gay-sounding than tonight’s event.This was the beginning of the stretch where they had to kill time while the “House Of Fun”
match was set up in the Zone.

Terry
Taylor interviewed Team Canada.D’Amore tooled on the crowd for chanting “USA”
during the PPV opener, seeing as how it was his Canadians versus a guy from Mexico
and a guy from Puerto Rico.He’s got a
point, you know.Taylor
mentioned that TC’s Bobby Roode was the #1 entrant in the Gauntlet match later tonight.When Taylor showed TC the name of the #2 entrant, D’Amore
laughed and said that it was a “one-legged man in an ass-kicking competition.”Yes, it’s who you’re thinking of.D’Amore also bragged
about his faction as a whole, calling them – and I quote – “a finely-tuned, well-oiled, four-member machine.”Didn’t the police find one of those in Rob Feinstein’s basement?

Tito
Ortiz met Dusty Rhodes, who officially gave him his referee shirt for the evening.This
segment is destined to go down in history as TNA’s first drinking game.Every
time one of them says “Hard Justice,” take a shot.Brain cells are
overrated, anyway.

Terry
Taylor interviewed Raven.So we have a raven and a rooster.Now we just need “Birdman” Koko B. Ware and Road Warrior Hawk, and we’ll have enough
guys for one of those corny “theme” Survivor Series teams from the early 90s!Anyway, Rave buried the hell out of Hardy, saying that he didn’t have the balls to face him tonight.Hardy, by the way, was suspending for no-showing this event.

3) Raven pinned Sean Waltman (replacing Jeff Hardy) in the “House Of Fun” match at 13:03.Basically, hardcore rules
with falls-count-anywhere.There were weapons hanging all over the place, with
two steel cage walls on opposite sides of the hexaring.Christ, after living
with Joanie, this probably WAS a “house of fun” for Surreal Sean.Both
juiced during this wild garbage match.Raven blocked the bronco buster with a
trash can, and in doing so, became my favorite wrestler in the whole match.In
an “amateur hour” moment as only TNA can provide, Raven tried to pull down a trash can lid from one of the walls,
but it wasn’t selling for him.Rave finally yanked it down, but in doing
so, caused all the other weapons to fall off the wall, too.The look on his face
for a moment was priceless.Raven slapped on an ankle lock, but Waltman kicked
him loose.Now here’s something you don’t see every day.When Waltman escaped Raven’s drop-toehold-onto-a-chair spot, THE FAKE CROWD NOISE MACHINE HICCUPED.It was about this time that I noticed the crowd seemed pretty indifferent about this
match.That’s when it hit me that TNA was pulling a “Saturday Night’s
Main Event” on us.Those dirty dogfuckers!Anyway, Waltman leapt off a post to table Raven for a nearfall, then kicked out of the “Raven effect” DDT
moments later.Raven threw Waltman off the ramp for a “holy shit”
chant.As they made their way back to the ring, Raven handcuffed Waltman to a
post and caned the hell out of him.The announcers were aghast for some reason,
like they’d never seen Sean Waltman in handcuffs before.Raven took the
mic and demanded that Waltman throw in the towel.Waltman called him a “pussy.”Of all people, Dusty came out and un-cuffed Waltman, unbeknownst to Raven.When Rave missed a chairshot, Waltman kicked said chair back into his face.The Waltmaniator!Waltman then unconvincingly tortured Raven with a staple
gun.In desperation, Raven threw Sean into one of the cage walls.In the spot of the night, the wall completely FELL OVER as both it and Waltman crashed to the floor in
a heap.Raven crawled over and rolled down the wall (which was hanging off the
apron like a ramp), landing on Waltman for the pin.Match was ehhhhh, but the
finish saved it.Given the Hardy no-show, Waltman was the best realistic substitute
they could have chosen on short notice.(David)

As
The Kru Turns was recapped, focusing on the Outlaw stirring up steph amongst the 3LK.Backstage, DDP was mad because B.G. James sent his cell a message that he was having “travel problems”
and wouldn’t make the show.I don’t blame DDP for being upset.On my plan, it costs ten cents every time I reply to a text message.Fortunately, Ron Killings just happened to wander by and vowed to defend the honor of the 3LK by teaming
with Page and working for four guys in the subsequent tag match…

I’m really not trying to sound like Warrior with all the homophobic jokes tonight, but
the fact of the matter is that DD’s tee proclaimed “One Jack Off,” while Brown’s trunks had the word
“POUNCE” printed in large text right on his ass.They used this match
to plug the fact that DDP has his second book coming out this year.I’ll
totally get behind this hype if they bring in Positively Kanyon for the obvious angle.The fans chanted “Truth.”Okay.DDP is washed up, Outlaw passes out on the floor of restrooms and Florida
smells funny.(God, I love that joke.)Tenay said that Killings is “an XD athlete in a heavyweight’s body.”According to the infamous Kid Kash shoot interview (available at www.bbrownvideo.com), that’s exactly how most of the XD guys are getting their pushes, if you
know what I mean.DDP got the hot tag and laid out the Montys with a pair of
discus clotheslines that he ripped off from Mick Foley.DDP hit a sitout powerbomb
on Brown, but Outie saved.For some reason, Phi Delta Slam did a run-in and both
ate diamond cutters.That’s not the only thing they’ve been eating.These oafs looked even more out of shape than their last appearance (which saw them
blow up in five minutes and subsequently get canned).Hopefully, this was a one-shot
deal to pacify Dusty, who was whining about PDS getting axed because they were
his backstage bitches.After tonight, I can only hope that they go back to being
Phired Delta Slam.While DDP was understandably distracted by the fact that the
company brought back PDS, Outlaw grabbed him and set up for his cobra clutch
slam, but DDP low-blowed out of it and hit a diamond cutter on the former Mr. Ass.Speaking
of ass, the prophecy on Brown’s came true as he immediately pounced DDP for the pin.Not good by any means, but enough spots had nice timing, so it was watchable at the very least.(Mike)

They
aired a pre-taped sitdown interview with Mike Tenay and The Naturals.Everyone
solemnly put over what a great guy Candido was and how he will always be the “third Natural.”This may be the controversial hot topic of the week, but they made an angle out of things, implying that
“another legend” reached out to the Nats.Personally, I thought it
was done tastefully enough, but all the same, I think I’ll be avoiding certain message boards until the heat dies down
and everyone starts complaining about Judgment Day next week.As for their new
mentor, my gut says it’ll be Tammy, but her gut may prevent that from happening.

5) NWA World Tag champions The Naturals (Chase Stevens & Andy Douglas) beat AMW
(“Wildcat” Chris Harris & “Tennessee Cowboy” James Storm) to retain the title at 14:59.This match was a full-on tribute
to Candido, and it couldn’t have been anything else, really.During their
intro, the Nats set up a chair at ringside and draped a towel over it.That was
where Candido sat for the match where they won the gold, two days before his death.Upon entering the ring, they made a “CC” sign with their hands.Fans
picked right up with a HUGE “Chris Candido” chant.Both teams acknowledged
and encouraged the chant.Very cool indeed.Stevens danced with Storm to open.Match had Japanese-type heat in that
fans were respectful and appreciative of everything, with no true babyfaces or heels.AMW gave Douglas a nice hiptoss-slam,
but Stevens saved.Douglas got the better of
Storm on an exchange and hit a SWEET flying neckbreaker that looked almost like an inverted diamond cutter.Harris gave Stevens a Cactus clothesline, leading to the now-standard AMW
ringside brawl for five minutes.One ringside fan was literally fanning the Nats
with a towel of his own, Candido-style.The guy got over big, and rightly so.Back in the ring, they all dosey-doed, with everyone getting in a nice move or two.All four hit a “tower of doom” spot with Stevens falling the furthest.“TNA” chant.Stevens countered
Harris’ attempted Catatonic slam into a Death Valley Driver for a nearfall.The
Nats went for the Natural Disaster on Storm, but Harris speared Douglas to break it up.Not missing a beat, Storm shoved off Stevens and hit a picture-perfect superkick,
second only to HBK-Benjamin in execution and timing.AMW
went for the death sentence on Stevens, but Douglas shoved Harris off the top rope.Storm bumped Douglas off the apron, allowing Stevens
to grab Storm’s trunks and schoolboy with his feet on the top rope for the pin.West immediately pointed out that was exactly how Candido taught ‘em to do it.One more “Chris Candido” chant rang out as the Nats held up Candido’s towel and pointed to the sky.It was the usual well-executed tag match between these four (featuring an awesome
finishing sequence), but the real-life emotion from both the fans and the workers put it over the top.Only negative was the way-too-long outside brawl that took up a third of the match.(Kerry)

Backstage
again, David Young tried to keep Ortiz out of Jarrett’s dressing room.His
level of success in doing so was consistent with that of his character.Monty
Brown was leaving Jarrett’s room just as Ortiz met the champ.We can only
wonder what Jarrett said about his “POUNCE” trunks behind closed doors.

6) XD champion “Fallen Angel” Christopher Daniels pinned Shocker to retain the title at 11:59.First highspot saw Shock
headscissors Daniels off the apron to the floor.Daniels avoided a dive, but
Shocker landed on his feet.Shock then escaped a dive from Daniels, and finally
hit Daniels on a dive the second time around.As Shock re-entered the ring, Daniels
caught him with a nice swinging neckbreaker in the ropes.Daniels locked in the
Koji clutch while the fans did the dueling chants.Shock’s comeback was
punctuated with a nice frog splash for a nearfall.As Shock pulled Daniels back
up to his feet, Daniels hit a STO/flatliner/downward spiral.Then in a rare goof
from Daniels, he overshot the BME (best moonsault ever) like you wouldn’t believe.Daniels covered as best he could, hitting the Sabu butt-bounce moonsault for a nearfall.Shock rolled through a sunset flip and dropkicked Daniels, but it wasn’t smooth at all.Shocker hit a SWEET gourdbuster from the second rope, followed by an STF.Daniels bit his way to freedom.Shock went into a camel clutch, but Daniels
vampired-out again.Finish saw them go back to the second rope where Daniels
hit an awesome Angel’s Wings for the pin.“Styles Clash” ain’t
just A.J.’s finisher, folks.Between this and his disappointing Impact
match against Petey Williams, I’m starting to re-think my pro-Shocker stance.Still though, the match wasn’t bad by any means; just below expectations.(David)

What,
no more episodes of “The Wacky Backstage Adventures Of Tito Ortiz”?I
thought for sure we’d see him meet the popcorn guy and the dude who runs the t-shirt booth and vow to both that he would
“deliver hard justice” for the 284th time tonight.

7)
Abyss won the 20-man #1C Gauntlet For The Gold at 26:50.

Order
of entry:

1.
Bobby Roode

2.
Zack Gowan (TNA spelling)

3.
Eric Young

4.
Cassidy Riley

5.
Elix Skipper

6.
Shark Boy

7.
“A1” Alistar Ralphs

8.
Chris Sabin

9.
Petey Williams

10.
Sucky Siucki

11.
Lance Hoyt

12.
Michael Shane

13.
Jerrelle Clark

14.
Mikey Batts

15.
Outlaw

16.
Trytan

17.
Ron Killings

18.
Aportion

19.
B.G. James

20.
Abyss

Gowan
was a surprise entrant at #2.I’ve gotta wonder how the newly-formed booking
committee sussed out this one.“Hmmm, who can we bring in that would be
an even bigger surprise than Phi Delta Slam??”For those of you unfamiliar
with the man and his legend, Zack lost a leg to cancer, but he still followed his dream and became a pro wrestler.Oh yeah, and his wealthy mother spoiled him rotten.As Gowan
hopped back onto my screen, I suddenly found myself wishing that Sucky Siucki would have just one more match in TNA.Ah well, it’s not like I don’t have half a hard drive full of unused Gowan
jokes from 2003.I still wanna see the spot where his opponent hits a big move,
but Zack manages to unstrap his prosthetic leg and toss it across the ring so that it lands on the bottom rope, thus forcing
the referee to stop the count.See?Told
ya.Anyway, Zack was the first man eliminated, but I’m not going to do
the “I thought BOTH feet had to hit the floor” gag because everyone else already has or should.

Sabin
hit his tornado DDT on Roode, kicking off of everyone in the ring in doing so.That’s
gotta be the best-looking totally improbable spot in wrestling.“TNA”
chant.Long recap short, Team Canada
controlled most of the match Horsemen-style.A1 dumped the shark, not to be confused
with jumping the shark, which he did the first time they had him “wrestle.”Eric Young skinned the Cass, eliminating young Mr. Riley with a headscissors.Skipper did the rope-walk, getting zapped by Roode in doing so.I think
that was supposed to be Skip’s elimination, but he fell the wrong way, so Roode clotheslined him up over and out.Any way you slice it, it still makes Skipper look like a grade-A dumbass for rope-walking
in an over-the-top battle royal.

Insane
pop for Hoyt’s entrance.The guy is suddenly crazy over for some reason.He press-threw Eric Young to eliminate him, then cleaned house on the rest of TC.Shane entered by hitting SCM on Hoyt,
then went right after Sabin.Sabin eliminated them both with a Cactus clothesline,
and they brawled all over the Zone to keep their issue going.Jerrelle entered
with a nice springboard onto TC, then he floored A1 with a handspring.Roode
cock-blocked “Mr. 630” with a northern lariat.In the move of the
night, both Roode and A1 “spotted” Petey’s Canadian Destroyer on Jerrelle, who bumped all the way over the
top rope.This was a tricky spot, but Jerrelle pulled it off great.Awesome visual.

Outlaw
came in and zeroed in on Hoyt.Outie gave Batts a spectacular cobra clutch slam,
then obliged the fans who chanted “one more time.”A couple Impacts
ago, Batts carried Coleslaw to his best TV match in years.This was his reward/punishment,
I guess.Outlaw pitched Batts as Trytan entered as the “Designated Diesel”
of the match.Shitean ran amok, laying out everyone.Killings entered and ate a nice press into a powerslam from Trytan.As Trytan celebrated, the hosers Cannucked-up on him and ejected him from the match.Aportion entered and whiffed a superkick on Hoyt.Outlaw lowbridged Aportion
soon enough.

B.G.
James was the surprise #19 entrant.Didn’t they just do the thing where
BG was the last “surprise” entrant in a match on their last PPV?BG
and Outlaw had a brief staredown before both getting attacked by other guys.Hoyt
eliminated Roode with a big boot, but Roode did the “sore loser” bit and pulled Hoyt’s hair, allowing A1
to give the match a Hoytectomy.Fans didn’t like that at all, but it was
the right kind of heat.From there, the focus shifted to BG and Outie running
the ring.The announcers talked about their history as a tag team, leaving out
the part that they actually never had a tandem finisher.Tonight was actually
the most teamwork they’ve ever showed together if you don’t count them pushing a dumpster off a ramp.And you shouldn’t.In a clever spot, they casually threw
out the last two members of TC and had yet another staredown.They’re going
to set some sort of staredown record this year, if they haven’t already.This
time, however, the entering Abyss double-clotheslined them both over the top to postpone their angle and set up Abyss vs.
Killings as the final.Good, smart booking.After the Traci swerve, tonight was not the time to pull the trigger on another turn, reunion, or whatever they wind
up doing with Dogg Ass.

Killings
did a nice job of playing the lionheart against the fresh monster.After getting
pounded on, Truth had a hope spot with a sweet leg lariat, but Abyss caught him with a big boot.Abyss tried to bring in his chain, but the ref confiscated it.The
ref took a minute to remove the chain from the ring.Dude, it’s not that
difficult.Just throw the damn thing away.During this, Abyss brought in a chair, but Killings got the drop on him and used the chair first.Ref bump set up a spot where ‘Byss chokeslammed Truth on the chair for a nearfall.Abyss tried the old Earthquake sitdown splash, but Truth crotched him with the chair.They blew it the first time, but got it right on take two.From
there, Abyss caught Killings off the second rope in a black hole slam for the pin.Fans
now wave their arms while chanting, “Whoooooooa…go Abyss…Whoooooooa…go Abyss.”It had its moments, but this was nowhere near as good as the Gauntlet match on their first PPV.Then again, that one came down to Kazarian (who left the company) vs.
Hector Garza (who was fired).(David)

8) A.J. Styles pinned Jeff Jarrett
to win the NWA World Title at 19:30.Tito Ortiz was special referee.

Borash did the ring intros after their entrances, a la Japan/ECW.Tito broke up a shoving match, then gave the guys their instructions.Fans chanted “Fuck him up, AJ, fuck him up” out of the gate.Jarrett
stalled Zbyszko-style.AJ controlled until Jarrett caught him with a press into
a gutbuster on the knee.Jarrett worked the leg and eventually slapped on the
figure-four.As they squirmed, both men scooted their butts around on the mat,
not unlike a dog with a bad case of worms.AJ reversed it, and Jarrett made the
ropes.When Jarrett was on the floor, AJ leapt onto the apron, setting up a nice
spot where JJ clipped his leg.As AJ tried to re-enter the ring, Jarrett kept
knocking him off the apron.Tito finally caught Jarrett and choked him back to
the other side of the ring.AJ yanked Jarrett outside, where Jarrett shoved him
into the post.Jarrett grabbed his guitar, but Tito wasn’t having it.AJ snatched the guitar and stopped just short of accidentally kabonging Tito.Tito scolded AJ, who ultimately destroyed the guitar against the post to take it out
of the game.That was good.Back
inside, AJ hit that great springboard forearm of his, followed by a spinkick.AJ
hit a sloppy quebrada DDT for two.The lads escaped each other’s attempted
finishers.A slew of nearfalls followed, then a double-sell.The guys danced, culminating with Jarrett hitting AJ with his own Styles Clash for two.Follow-up saw AJ counter Jarrett into his own stroke for two.AJ
set up for the Styles Clash yet again, but Monty Brown ran-in and mistakenly pounced Jarrett.Shoulda read his ass when you had the chance, Jeff.As Tito was ejecting
Monty from ringside, AJ had Jarrett pinned.Another ref ran-in and started to
count, but Tito yanked him out of the ring.AJ confronted Tito, who shoved him
into a low-blow from Jarrett.The fans groaned and so did I, fearing the worst.Jarrett set AJ for a superplex, and shoved away Tito (which the cameras missed).Jarrett again shoved Tito, so Tito KO’ed Jarrett with one punch.AJ climbed to the top and brought back his old “spiral tap” flippy-dippy dive for the pin.AJ and Tito shook hands, and Tito raised his hand.Fans popped HUGE as Tito strapped the belt on “The Phenomenal One.”This was far below the level of AJ’s usual PPV match.Good in some
spots, outright boring in others (Jarrett seemed to be sandbagging it).For this
match, fans came to see the result more than the match itself, so they went home happy.The show ended as AJ celebrated to a standing O.(David)

PPV MVP: Sean Waltman.No one really outshined
anyone else, but Sean deserves special commendation for having a good garbage match on almost zero notice.

PPV LVP: For the second month in a row, it can only be Sucky Siucki.Making me sit through TWO matches with him on one PPV has pretty much soured me on the TNA pay-per-product
for now.The guy can’t even walk to the ring anymore.But on the plus side, at least he didn’t kill anyone tonight.(Far as I know, anyway.)

Overall over-analysis: This was both TNA at its best (Candido tributes/Traci turn) and
its worst (Sonny Siucki/Phi Delta Slam).Unlike past PPVs, there was no “must-see”
classic, nor anything so terrible it totally stunk up the joint (by comparison, Lockdown had both).The mixed tag turn and Tag Title matches are keepers, but nothing else really made me feel vindicated for
throwing my money at them.The show was largely just a backdrop to put the belt
on AJ, and even though his win wasn’t squeaky clean, it was the right move for the right guy.That alone was a major step in the right direction for the future of this company.

This
Observer’s Thumb…………………..is neutrally in the middle.

-HDS-

THE CLUSTER-PLUGGER:

So
where does TNA go from here?Find out in the latest Impact review over here.

Before
the WWE’s month-long rostershmazz, I take a look back at how last year’s draft played out.That hits the Shmazz on 6/3/05.

Remember
the best match of Raven’s career?It was part of the memorable “ECW Gangsta’s Paradise” show at the Bingo Hall.The Retro Recapitation sinks its antiquated blade into
said show right here in the Shmazz, on 6/10/05.

Speaking
of ECW, their “One Night Stand” PPV also gets Recapitated on 6/17/05.Since Sean will be doing the real review, my offering gets us back to “Recapitation” basics, as a companion piece to Sean’s real review.

Go
read Sean’s brilliantly off-the-wall “Raw Is Star Wars” piece immediately.His photoshops get passed around like Lita when the ECW roster
needed a urinal, but there’s only one place to see them as they were meant to be seen, in all their hilarious glory.

Harry Simon is a trivia-fueled wisenheimer
who has been writing about pro wrestling off and on for 16 years and counting. Harry has written trivia pieces for both the
Wrestling Observer and Live Audio Wrestling websites, and contributed a ton of research to his fellow Las Vegan Mike Tenay
in preparation for the first NWA TNA PPV in 2002. Harry has also done play-by-play, color commentary, and ring announcing
for indy promotions. Harry invented the Von Erich Match Rating System, which you can learn aboutHERE.

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).