Travel bandolier does NOT hold bullets (unless you put bullets in it)

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Free advice: Although the traditional definition of a bandolier is that of a bullet holding apparatus, do NOT try to get through airport security with this travel bandolier if you decide to stash bullets in one of the pockets.

So instead of bullets, Hammacher Schlemmer suggests one or more of the following items: “camera, wallet, cell phone, hotel key, and more.” And without trying to speak on behalf of Hammacher Schlemmer, “more” probably doesn’t mean “bullets.”

The “Traveler’s Security Bandolier” costs $40 and also features “a cord conduit in one of the pockets” for running a set of headphones from your portable audio player to your noggin.

See, the problem is that they call this thing a “Security Bandolier,” which worries me because some people might “secure” themselves with guns and bullets. No good can come of this. Plus, it kind of makes you look like a wiener. So look the hell out if someone’s like, “Hey, that thing makes you look like a wiener.” And you’re like, “Oh yeah? Take it up with these bullets!”