Kourtney Kardashian

Womp, womp, womp. You tried, Kris Humphries! If you were hoping to get to watch Kim Kardashian squirm her way through her deposition, you’re out of luck unfortunately. Unlike her intimate moments with Ray J, her deposition will not be taped.

An insider close to the divorce proceedings tells RadarOnline.com, “Both parties mutually agreed that it wasn’t necessary to have Kim and Kris’ deposition filmed. There will be a private stenographer present that will provide a transcript of the proceedings.” 50 Shades of Kartrashian, perhaps?

“There was concern about the depositions being filmed and then getting leaked to the media. To ensure that won’t happen everyone recognized and agreed to not have proceedings filmed,” continues the source. “However, Kris’ lawyer, Lee Hutton has told Laura Wasser that they absolutely intend to ask that cameras be permitted in the courtroom when this divorce goes to trial.”

Oh, Kardashians… seriously? Anyway, the first family of K has been busy, busy, busy self-promoting again! In the latest, the extremely pregnant Kourtney Kardashian – who is due any day now – took some time away from nesting and baby cooking to talk about why she still won’t marry her longtime boyfriend and two-time baby daddy Scott Disick.

Appearing on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Kourtney spilled her guts, giving yet another excuse for why she won’t walk down the aisle. Personally I think she’s holding out until the price is right!

“First of all, I have realized that I have major commitment problems during this pregnancy,” the Keeping Up With The Kardashians star confessed. “I’m really claustrophobic, and all my issues — and I have a lot of them — they all stem from this thing. I can’t commit to anything . . but I love Scott, and he is my partner.”

There’s lots going on in the Krazy Kardashian universe this weekend. On Thursday Bruce Jenner‘s son Brandon got married in Hawaii and while Kendall, Kylie, Brody, and Kris Jenner all flew out for the party, none of the Kardashian side of the family bothered to show up. Kendall and Kylie served as bridesmaids!

Instead they sent out their congrats the modern way…via social media. Khloe posted the following well-wishes to her blog Thursday morning: “I just wanted to send a HUGE congratulations and so much love to my brother Brandon and his fiancé/soon-to-be wife Leah. Wishing you both all the happiness in the world!” Kim and Kourtney posted similar messages to their Twitter and blogs.

So, let’s talk about Keeping Up With Kardashians… Is anybody watching that? I must confess I tuned in and saw, well, all the episodes of this season. Not because I was forced, but because I was curious. Albeit morbidly so. Which is sort of like eating an entire Chipotle burrito just to see if I can do it. Never a good idea, but it never stops me.

First of all, the editing in this show is so bad and non-sequential, but they don’t seem to care and they don’t bother trying to hide it. They also bilk a storyline for all it’s worth; going overboard to berate you with a point. And most annoyingly, each show has a little moralistic message attached to the end like some sort of totally trashy and lowbrow Aesop’s Fables with spray tans, false eyelashes, and a lot of too tight pants.

Yeah, so about those Kardashians. Is Kris Jennerpsychotic? Bruce Jenner seems to think so! Their marital drama – which may be fabricated, but is likely not – is kinda dominating this season so far. In fact Bruce is getting some major airtime for once. He’s working hard for his share of that $40M.

Poor Kim Kardashian…girl just can’t catch a break! Not only is she playing the role of dutiful girlfriend while on tour with Kanye West, ahem, I mean coincidentally in London with him while she promotes her fragrance line, but she also must put up with groupies as well. Sources report that Kim has put the kabosh on him greeting fans after his concert, but she’s still envious of his relationships with different females on the tour.

The source reveals, “Kanye has a load of girls he’s friends with. Most are stylists or from the fashion set but Kim’s not happy about them being alone with him backstage. She sees how well he gets on with girls because of his sensitive side and has decided to rein in the entourage a bit. Kim is trying to put a stop to this as she doesn’t want to look or feel awkward at any point.” I’m sorry, his sensitive side? I may or may not have just spewed coffee after reading that!

From the NBC press release: “Kim has grown closer to her loving family than she ever was before, Kourtney and Scott are preparing Mason for the arrival of his little sister, Khloé strives to spend time with everyone she loves, Kylie and Kendall have discovered new ways to step out from the shadows of their older sisters, Rob is finding his own way in business, and Bruce and Kris go through a rough patch after Bruce reveals that he feels taken for granted.”

The Kardashians will also continue to expand their empire by opening DASH boutique and pimping more products than ever. Oh, joy.

Photos of the family and a video preview of tonight’s episode are below!

Oh Kartrashians…you say one thing and then do another. Perhaps that is why you are ridiculously hated rich, while I just have the privilege of writing about you. Me? I say one thing, and then, well, do it. Even it’s just taking out the trash. “I’m taking out the trash.” And then I take out the trash. But that’s just me, and my example regarding trash is in no way a comparison to your empire. Or is it?

Just when you were regaining the tiniest smidgen of respect for Khloe Kardashian for shelving Khloe and Lamar in order to work on her marriage, you may want to rethink your stance. HollywoodLife.com reminds us that Khloe and her famewhoring sisters stopped by Jay Leno this week, where Khloe dropped a bomb I was totally not expecting.

She told Jay, “I understand people have to sell magazines, but I didn’t pull the plug on any show, it’s not ending. I just said I wanted the summer for ourselves and to be with family and spend time his kids. Tryouts are in the first week of July. They only take 12, but to be in the top 12 is like a Grammy nomination. I didn’t pull the plug, let’s just call it a hiatus.” So does this mean there is a future for Khloe and Lamar? Granted, it’s the only Kardashow I actually don’t hate myself for watching, but I was so proud to see her bucking Kris Jenner the system that I hate to see her back pedal. But I guess it’s in the genes, so I can’t fault her much.

They won’t go away, so I am doing my best to embrace them. Who am I kidding? Given the allergic reaction I seem to be having, that must mean it’s time for our daily dose of Dash. First up? A glorious baby shower hosted by Queen Bee Kris Jenner.

As you know, Kourtney is bringing yet another Disick Kardashian into the world, and her mother graciously hosted a soiree this past Saturday to toast the impending birth of Kourtney’s daughter. Life & Style reports on the event. I’m sure of course we’ll all get to see it when it airs on one of their many reality shows. These folks don’t do anything without cameras present, right Ray J?

A source tells the magazine, “Kourtney’s shower was so nice! Her mom and sisters were there, of course. They talked, laughed, and played games. There was a bar and lots of different types of foods and desserts, including sushi and little sandwiches. She seemed happy and excited earlier in the day before the shower. Her son, Mason, was there, too.”