Ralph: See? That's the difference between you and me, Alice. You're the kind of person who'd bend way over on April Fools Day to pick up a quarter. I wouldn't.
Alice: You couldn't!

Ralph: Wait a minute! What's goin' on here?
Alice: Ralph, Carlos is teaching us the Mambo.
Ralph: Ohhhhh! Carlos is teachin' you the Mambo. Carlos is teachin' you the Mambo.
For a minute there I didn't know WHAT you were doin'. Carlos is teachin' you the Mambo..........
Everybody out!
Mrs. Manicotti: But Mister Kramden, it's fun!
Ralph: And YOU, at YOUR age, should be ashamed of yourself!

Ralph: (To his Mother-In-Law, after many catty remarks by her)
YOU are a Blah-bermouth!!!
Mother-In-Law: Well I never.......
Ralph: YOU! Blabbermouth! OUT!! OUT!!!

Quizmaster: And what do you do for a living, Mr. Kramden?
Ralph: Homma, homma, homma, I brive a dus.....

Ralph (to Alice): Hoo hoo, are you going to get yours! Bang! Zoom!

Alice (reacting to Ralph's balking at buying a TV set): Well I don't want to look at that sink, that icebox, that stove, and these four walls!
I wanna look at Liberace!!!!

Ralph: (Filling out a questionaire for Norton's job application) "What do you think of the applicant's overall character?"
(As he's writing) The--applicant--is--a BUM!!!!

Ralph: The first thing it says here is to take the club, approach the tee, and address the ball.
Norton: (Following instructions)......Hello ball!

Norton: So tell me oh Chef of the Future, what does your Handy Housewife Helper do? Can it core a apple?
Ralph: Ooohh, it can core a apple......hah hah!

Ralph: (To Alice) Baby, you're the greatest!

Ralph Kramden was one of the great comedy protagonists of all time.
He was played so realistically by Jackie Gleason that you always felt his pain, which was almost always intense.
Ed Norton, as played by Art Carney, was a perfect comic character.
It would be impossible to capture in quotes all the times that Norton, in attempting to line up a billiard shot, or to write something,
would flail his arms interminably, in front of Ralph, causing Ralph to completely lose it and smack Norton on the back, and yell
"Come on!!!!!!"

The acting was usually better than the writing. Whenever they went for jokes, they more often than not just laid there.
And all of these quotes can be found in the original 39 episodes.
When Gleason unlocked the vault, and exhumed the "Lost Episodes", they proved to be not nearly in the same league as the original 39.
Very little to quote there.

Still......baby, you were one of the greatest!

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My book, "Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store, You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.

The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle. I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.

The website "On Screen & Beyond" has the second hour of a 2 hour interview I did on their podcast. The first hour is in their archives, and the second hour will be next week.
Just Google On Screen & Beyond to find it if you're interested.

About Me

Hi. I am, according to my Wikipedia entry,(which I did not create) a noted television writer, playwright, screenwriter, and occasional actor.
You can Google me or go to the IMDB to get my credits, and you can come here to get my opinions on things, which I'll try to express eloquently. Hopefully I'll succeed. You can also e-mail me at macchus999@aol.com. Perhaps my biggest claim to fame is being responsible, for about six months in 1975, while Head Writer for the "Happy Days" TV series, for Americans saying to each other "Sit on it."