So I'm a little over two months into a relationship with my girlfriend and she won't let me go down on her nor go down on me. At the beginning of our relationship, I went down on her for a while and she said that she had an orgasm. Since then, she won't let me go down on her and she had never gone down on me. We have sex pretty often and that is good, but I am wanting more. Specifically, oral sex, and I'm not trying to be selfish. I am willing to go down on her. I'll read, listen, etc. to learn her. I want to please her. I'm just also wanting the same thing.

Because I want to provide the entire scope of everything, here is some back story. She is pretty awkward sexually because she was raped twice in college. Which was in the past 2-3 years. I have never dated a girl with this kind of past. So it has been a challenging experience for me, but I've been trying to be patient. She just became more comfortable with getting on top.

We had a big conversation about this issue today, and it became a fight. I don't want to fight and I sincerely care about her. So I want to know how to handle this properly and delicately. I'm willing to stop having sex and just work on intimacy from kissing to oral sex. She doesn't like french kissing either. Another frustrating thing.

This is also somewhat difficult because my last girlfriend was very sexual and willing to do whatever. I try to not let that affect me internally, but it crosses my mind.

I'm afraid that her past may be too much for her to be able to "let go" right now. She probably should be seeing a counselor if it's still affecting her relationships. My opinion is that if you're in this for the long haul, you're going to need the patience of Jobe. I wish you luck but she just doesn't sound ready for any real intimate encounters at this time.

She's probably scared and nervous as all hell. I agree with the above poster, that she should be seeing a Councillor/talking to someone who can help her. Rape is a huge thing to get over.

If that's not what's bothering her, nervousness could be it... I know I didn't even like receiving oral from my boyfriend when it was very new to me out of worry of judgement of how I look, taste, etc. Now I am quite the fan of the good old 69.

If the issue is due to the rapes, poor girl, then you have to be understanding and assume that eventually she will heal and will be willing to do it.

If it is not related to the rape, then it might be a cleanliness issue. Doing it in the shower might be agreeable. We can be a bit smelly down there with some bad tastes and smells, so being squeeky clean in the shower might do the trick.

But, getting into fights over this won't help. If due to rape, she is probably having some trust issues. I mean, her body has been violated and maybe before she willingly lets a man into her mouth, possibly one place that wasn't violated, she will have to trust him immensley. Or, possibly, a rapist forced her to have oral, in which case oral is a reminder of what happend. So, maybe she can face up to having intercourse, but giving oral is just too much right now. I don't know.

Good for you for being understanding, but you can't push these things.

You should probably decide if you are in love first. If not or not sure you should probably look at the situation from the view of..what if this never changes. Are you willing to do without these things for the rest of your life? I know she's been through a lot and I don't want to sound mean but if theres going to be resentment, you will never be able to help her heal. If you are not truly in love already then you may want to keep dating other women. She also may need time to herself to heal. After what has happened to her so recently she may be better off working on this before she tries to concentrate on a relationship.