This blog is devoted to the dissemination of information about Parental Alienation and Parental Alienation Syndrome. The focus is on the development of tools to help overcome this terrible problem, whether it be within a family relationship, or within the Court System.

Friday, December 18, 2009

I received a note from a fellow professional who works with parental alienation cases. I have cleansed it of any identity clues and have cut and pasted it below. It follows:

I just received a desperate email from a parent who has been enduring outrageous behavior from their alienated children. These children are obviously acting out a mission on behalf of the other parent. In this case, this is transparently clear. The court had even warned that both parents must cooperate. The court had issued this "warning" before, however with no action. This case had a Parenting Coordinator, Evaluators and virtually all of the tools at the Court's disposal, and all basically agreed that one parent was orchestrating the alienation. There was not much debate. However, even with all of this unusual clarity, little - no nothing - had been done to hold this alienating parent accountable.

If there is a single failure (of all of the many minor ones) that is most tragic, it is the failure of the Family Court to act decisively and with the courage and integrity that was intended to have. The Family Court System has so very much to explain regarding its failure of doing what is best for the children it is charged to protect. We must make it our business to make it clear that the lazy and toothless responses that it so favors, will cannot be accepted.

This person goes on to advance various political suggestions which I did not include. I would however ask for responses from those who agree or disagree.

2 comments:

Anonymous
said...

I agree that something needs to be done. My sister is a victim of PAS and of course the court system failed miserably so she ended up with 50/50 custody-so she has every other week with her five year old daughter. She even had a guardian ad litem who said her ex husband was lying but the report got thrown out, why? Because in Washington state you sometimes end up in front of a commissioner (a court appointed lawyer) instead of a judge and my ex-brother in law's lawyer said the guardian was biased against his client because she was a professional women. My sister was so frustrated she ended up in mediation. The mediator told her this was the best she could get because my sister earned more money than her husband. The divorce was final last May. The alienation still continues although my niece's relationship with my parents and extended family members has improved. Just last summer she would tell people she only had one grandma (his mother) and referred to our mother as "just my Mom's mom." What four year old does that? So I knew she would eventually end up in counseling and sure enough, two weeks ago my niece's kindergarten teacher recommended to my sister that my niece needed counseling to help with her anti-social behavior and emotional outbursts. I think it should be mandatory that everyone from the judges on down to any evaluator should have to go through and pass (they should be tested) classes that deal with not only PAS, but domestic violence, and all types of psychological disorders. I really believe my ex brother in law has more going on than being an alienating parent. He was and is controlling and emotionally abusive to my sister and I believe narcissistic as well. I have a strong desire to do something but I don't don't how to go about it. Any ideas?

Dr. Bone, believe the court system is actually starting to understand that the targeted parent is actually a victim. I am in Ontario, Cansda.

More coverage should be available to women for justice.

The web has help me represent myself in court and finally get a pyschological assessment. My former common-in-law spouse and his wife naturally refusing to have this assessment; now in contrempt of a motion. The goal support, custody withou any parental obligation to address this disasterous form of child abuse that unfortunately unless the child can think outside of the box. There will be no progress.

Reintegration is a challenge. As the alienated parent, you want to co-operate. You want to stop the bleeding, a pro-active effort to help the child understand that his rights violated. Focusing on the positive attributes that were once sought prior to the child coming into this world.

Workshops, getting the child there is the battle; 18 yrs of age, learning of his parent at 16? Custody and support applications? The motivation education costs? What about the 15.5 of child abuse. The child literally believes he was NOT wanted and this bleeds over to many other aspects of his life.

The courts oblvious to the level of punishment afforded by an angry parent who he himself suffers from parental alienation syndrome.

It astounds me as I sit in front a lawyer explaining that I made many attempts to recover the child, applied for legal aid, did not have 3 years of taxes, no help was available and they look at me still as the dead beat parent who did not make an effort to recover the child.

As a victim, you try to find cost effective ways to recover the child, hope they give in, acknowledge the damage being done to the child, assume that the schools will NOT allow a child being enrolled without contacting the biological parents but unfortunately they do not.

How can a child go to school, have only 1 parent, transfer a child tax benefit credit, never contact a parent and be found financially responsibile for that child without any form of parental obligation by the alienating parent is beyond me. But I am confident this will be resolved shortly.

The victims are always the targeted parent:the child and replacement parent. A young man 18 years of age to me is just a child. The anger, revenge the alienating pareents possess is astounding. I believe tht all these individuals should seek counselling and/or family mediation before seeking out any application for child support or custody. The key is to tell the child the truth as I learned in my last court appearance.

The judge say my dialogue and asked me why I did not tell him the truth at that moment. My response "Howe do you tell a child he was taken by his father and he refused to return him at 16 years of age. You do not wnat the child to act hastily and destroy his life learning that he was lied to for 13.5 years at that time.