Miley Cyrus Wears A Dress That Reminds Us That She’s Business In The Front! Party In The Back! Pregnant In The Belly?

No one ever accused Miley Cyrus of being a fashionista. Which is good, because I don’t think she’d be able to afford a lawyer talented enough to win that case. But just because she’s not known for her cutting-edge style, doesn’t mean that she shouldn’t be known for wearing clothes that make sense. And by make sense, I mean you wouldn’t wear a burlap sack to the office and pretend like that’s a quality alternative to the pantsuit that your office requires you to wear.

Yet for some reason, Miley Cyrus debuted her wedding-like mullet dress yesterday. And to add insult to injury, she debuted it while walking next to her “fiance” Liam Hemsworth. Has she no shame? Or at least the front of her dress?

Now, I know these mullet dresses are all the rage this summer. But I hate asymmetry and I won’t pretend to like it, even if it’s the hawtest thing to ever hit the Forever 21 window displays. Sorry I’m not sorry that I’m business in the front and business casual in the back.

Which brings me to her pregnancy. Is she or isn’t she? I’m sick of having to be her digital EPT test every day. I can’t spend one more day analyzing her clothing and trying to figure out if it’s just the way her fabric bunches or her uterus is contracting.

Just kidding, I’ll never be (morning) sick of overanalyzing the contents of her womb. Like the Boxcar Children, I live for a good mystery. Which is why I’m happy to play OB-GYN guessing games alllll summer long.