Single Moms and Sugar Daddies: Updated With New Replies

Last week, several of my friends received the following pitch that was geared towards single mothers, arriving just in time for the upcoming Mother’s Day weekend:

Recently Michelle Obama got in trouble for referring to herself as a “busy single mother”, subsequently upsetting millions of single mothers around the nation. In the United States over $100 billion in child support is currently in arrears, leaving single moms left holding the bag when the fathers of their children refuse to provide support. But some single moms are giving up the fight in court, and turning to a new kind of Daddy to help support their children: A Sugar Daddy.

400,000 singles moms have joined SeekingArrangement.com in search of a Sugar Daddy since 2007. The mutually beneficial dating website marks the week after Mother’s Day as the biggest surge in single mother sign ups each year, 3100 joining that week in 2012. The average monthly allowance for a single mother sugar baby is $2700, 9x more than the average amount of monthly child support in the U.S., making a mutually beneficial arrangement a highly desirable alternative to reluctant co-parenting.

“For single mothers, Mother’s Day has become a painful reminder of the struggle and hardships they endure to make ends meet in a one-parent household,” says Brandon Wade, Founder & CEO of SeekingArrangement.com. “A mutually beneficial relationship can provide the same kind of support as a marriage, with out the strings attached.”

I can introduce you to women who are entering into sugar arrangements in order to better their lives and the lives of their children. A former stripper from Detroit stopped taking off her clothes to pay the bills, and started raising her standards in potential dating partners. Now she is going back to school, and recently purchased a home for her and her daughter. Another single mom in Baltimore is preparing to graduate debt free thanks to the financial support of her sugar daddies, and is celebrating by going to Disney World with her son, on someone else’s dime. The sugar daddy lifestyle is very prominent among single moms, an attractive way to better their financial situations and provide support for their children.

If you are interested in interviewing a single mom from our website or would like more information about SeekingArrangement.com, please feel free to call me at +1 702 241 0100 or email me at Jennifer@seekingarrangement.com. I have also attached a press release on this recent trend for your convenience.

As you can imagine, this piqued my interest. Single moms? Mutually beneficial arrangements? Reluctant co-parenting? Michelle Obama? Struggle and hardships? I had to know more!

I sent the following email to Jennifer:

Hi Jennifer,

I was horrified to read how difficult the lives of single mothers are and think that it’s fantastic that your company helps these brave women to reach mutually beneficial arrangements with Sugar Daddies so that they can continue to live fruitful, productive lives while taking care of their children.

While I’m not a parent or a woman, I am a blogger with a large female audience, and I think that your organization could benefit from an unbiased review of the services you facilitate, along with my unique perspective on the quality of SeekingArrangement.com. However, I have a few questions:

1. Are most of the single moms earning monthly allowances from just one Sugar Daddy (I hate writing Sugar Daddy, so in the interest of simplicity, I’m just going to name them all “John”) at a time, or is the average monthly allowance of $2700 a cumulative amount from, say, nine different Johns who all gave her $300 a month, or thirty different men who gave her $90 a month, or even ninety men who each gave her $30 a month?

2. Do you allow the women to explicitly limit what the allowance will get each John? Are there other mutual benefits to these Johns except for sex? Do these single moms usually try to calculate what their allowance should be based on an hourly rate of time spent with each John?

3. Does SeekingArrangement.com take a percentage of every allowance? How do you penalize the single moms who don’t pay their cut?

4. Are these single moms safe? Does SeekingArrangement.com send around a corporate representative on each mutually beneficial date to ensure that everything stays above board and that none of the Johns are people of low moral fiber?

5. Does SeekingArrangement.com help these single moms with writing their profiles so that they can attract the appropriate type of John? I would imagine that many of these women aren’t used to writing hooks that will draw someone in or pitching in that way, so hopefully your company helps teach the single moms the best pitching and hooking techniques.

6. Is SeekingArrangement.com able to help single moms who have recently arrived from other countries, who may not have the language skills or citizenship they need, to achieve the American dream by earning money and perhaps their green card?

7. How much negotiation happens? Do you assign a Head Negotiator In Charge to help the Johns and the single moms to arrive at the mutually beneficial arrangement? Does your CEO, Brandon Wade, get involved in these discussions as the HNIC?

8. Would SeekingArrangement.com be willing to provide me with $2700 so that I could work out a mutually beneficial arrangement with a single mom near me, and then write an unbiased product review? I’m more than happy to promote it online and pimp it out on all of the social media networks, unless SeekingArrangement.com would prefer to be the only one doing any pimping of the product.

Jennifer, thank you for your informative email, and I think it’s refreshing to see a site that can help struggling single moms to make the most of their assets, enter into mutually beneficial arrangements that help them out of a financial hole, and become pros at taking control of their lives.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Adam Heath Avitable

UPDATED 5/7/13 – I received the following completely serious reply from Jennifer:

Hi Adam,

Thank you for your interest in this story. Single motherhood is a lifelong struggle for many, and our goal is to introduce the mutually beneficial lifestyle to these women in hopes that they choose a path that improves their lives, and the lives of their children. I appreciate your candor and your intent to write a balanced article about our website, I hope it is sincere. There is obviously a stigma still attached to these arrangements, but the nature of the dating scene is changing rapidly. Traditional relationships are being redefined, and women are becoming more independent and seeking partnerships instead of a one-sided relationship. Our hope is to inspire women to only date men who will add value to their lives instead of settling for something less than they truly deserve. Here are the answers to the questions you have asked:

1. Are most of the single moms earning monthly allowances from just one Sugar Daddy (I hate writing Sugar Daddy, so in the interest of simplicity, I’m just going to name them all “John”) at a time, or is the average monthly allowance of $2700 a cumulative amount from, say, nine different Johns who all gave her $300 a month, or thirty different men who gave her $90 a month, or even ninety men who each gave her $30 a month?

While many sugar babies choose to have more than one sugar daddy,(90 is a very unreasonable assumption, these are relationships not transactions. It would be virtually impossible to date 90 men at once), single moms are typically the most monogamous demographic. The $2700 average is configured based on the typical amount received by single moms on the site, whether it is paid directly or indirectly through tuition, car loans or rent.

2. Do you allow the women to explicitly limit what the allowance will get each John? Are there other mutual benefits to these Johns except for sex? Do these single moms usually try to calculate what their allowance should be based on an hourly rate of time spent with each John?

In terms of sex, we don’t allow sex to be a mandatory part of any arrangement, that would be illegal. The men and women on SeekingArrangement.com are looking for relationships, not an alternative avenue for prostitution. Frankly, a man who is looking for such a transaction could find that at a much lower cost and with out jumping through hoops, elsewhere. We don’t allow any kind of sexual language on the website, and strictly prohibit known escorts or prostitutes from joining the site. The allowances are negotiated between both parties based on budget and need. All members have different needs, and while many Sugar Daddies (I won’t call them Johns, as that is a term usually only spoken in the sex-work industry) do have time restrictions due to their busy schedules or needs, most relationships are less formal than that. In actuality, most sugar relationships resemble a typical boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Many people do fall in love, some even get married.

3. Does SeekingArrangement.com take a percentage of every allowance? How do you penalize the single moms who don’t pay their cut?

The only role we play in an arrangement is providing a platform for introductions, and act as a resource for those who are interested in the mutually beneficial lifestyle. After the introduction has been made, we do not play a role in any particular relationship off the site. SeekingArrangement.com makes it’s money from the Sugar Daddy members, we never take a cut of an allowance.

4. Are these single moms safe? Does SeekingArrangement.com send around a corporate representative on each mutually beneficial date to ensure that everything stays above board and that none of the Johns are people of low moral fiber?

There is a common misconception that a Sugar dating site is unsavory, or somehow less safe than any other dating site. This is completely untrue. In fact, we have more security resources any place than most typical online dating websites. We are one of the few dating sites that offer background checks to our members, and while we don’t require them to undergo screening, we recommend all members to only date verified members. We also have an in-house screening process that screens for any in-genuine profiles, and prevents a lot of insincere users from joining. In addition to that, we have a very vocal community of women who speak to each other through blogs and community boards. If a member is insincere, often this information will be shared amongst the community and that member will be ousted with out our intervention. But we also take all complaints very seriously and will kick a member off for violating our terms of use.

5. Does SeekingArrangement.com help these single moms with writing their profiles so that they can attract the appropriate type of John? I would imagine that many of these women aren’t used to writing hooks that will draw someone in or pitching in that way, so hopefully your company helps teach the single moms the best pitching and hooking techniques.

We are actually currently working on implementing a program for profile writing assistance in the next few months. We do offer advice and tutorials on our member blog where we have covered this topic in the past, which has acted as a resource for new members to refer to. But currently we do not directly market this service.

6. Is SeekingArrangement.com able to help single moms who have recently arrived from other countries, who may not have the language skills or citizenship they need, to achieve the American dream by earning money and perhaps their green card?

We do not discriminate against any members joining, as long as they do not violate our terms of use. SeekingArrangement.com is available worldwide and is translated in 8 different languages. I would imagine that many women, not just immigrants, have been able to fulfill their version of the “American Dream” with help from their sugar daddies. We have such a wide variety of members from so many different backgrounds, it’s hard to put them all in to the same categories. Our biggest demographic by far is the female college student. Many could argue that education is the foundation of the American Dream, opening many doors that would otherwise be closed for both citizens and non-citizens. Female co-eds find a great benefit to dating a successful man who can not only help fund their educations, but many also act as mentors, helping guide them in their chosen career paths and providing them access to networking opportunities that would normally not exist. In this way, a mutually beneficial relationship can directly contribute to achieving the “American Dream.”

7. How much negotiation happens? Do you assign a Head Negotiator In Charge to help the Johns and the single moms to arrive at the mutually beneficial arrangement? Does your CEO, Brandon Wade, get involved in these discussions as the HNIC?

SeekingArrangement.com is just a platform for introductions. We do not take part in the negotiations.

8. Would SeekingArrangement.com be willing to provide me with $2700 so that I could work out a mutually beneficial arrangement with a single mom near me, and then write an unbiased product review? I’m more than happy to promote it online and pimp it out on all of the social media networks, unless SeekingArrangement.com would prefer to be the only one doing any pimping of the product.

We would never set up an aspiring sugar baby with a faux sugar relationship, that would be detrimental to her experience and could negatively impact her life. I can arrange for single moms who participate in these types of relationships to speak with you about their experiences. But we do not allow reporters or journalists to join the site under false pretenses. Please let me know if you are interested.

If you have any further questions about this lifestyle, please feel free to reach out to me again. I look forward to your article.

1. You mentioned that sometimes the men don’t pay the women directly, but instead pay their rent or tuition. What about barter? Are there situations where the men trade services, like repair, personal training, or massage, in return for the mutually beneficial relationship?

2. Do the men and/or women get rated and ranked, like eBay does with sellers and buyers?

3. Do you think that a site like this empowers women and gives them control like when a woman is a highly sought after exotic dancer, or do you think that it capitalizes on women and takes advantage of them like when a woman is a less highly sought after exotic dancer?

4. I don’t know your situation, but if you didn’t have this hopefully lucrative position explaining how much your site can benefit single moms, and if you were a single mother, would you use it? How much would you have to earn a month to be worthwhile?

5. Have you ever considered having a tiered service that would rank the woman by attractiveness, intelligence, cleanliness, health, and age, and then allowing men with not enough income to create an arrangement with someone to bid on the less desirable ones?

I would definitely be interested in emailing with one or two of your single moms who are happy with the lifestyle choice of being in a sugar relationship, as well. Thank you!

UPDATE: 5/7/13 2:55 PM

Jennifer replied to me shortly afterwards:

Hi Adam,

Here are the answers to your follow up questions:

1. You mentioned that sometimes the men don’t pay the women directly, but instead pay their rent or tuition. What about barter? Are there situations where the men trade services, like repair, personal training, or massage, in return for the mutually beneficial relationship?

I have heard of a few women who have helped them out personally in trade for things like house sitting or administrative work. That is very uncommon however, typically the relationships are more like a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship and aren’t seen as a “services rendered” type transaction.

2. Do the men and/or women get rated and ranked, like eBay does with sellers and buyers?

We do not rate or rank women or men, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and there is someone out there for everyone.

3. Do you think that a site like this empowers women and gives them control like when a woman is a highly sought after exotic dancer, or do you think that it capitalizes on women and takes advantage of them like when a woman is a less highly sought after exotic dancer?

We absolutely believe that this is lifestyle that empowers women to ask for more in their relationships. We are encouraging women to set a standard for themselves: to only date someone who is successful and generous and can actually benefit their life in some way. There is so much pressure on a single woman to couple up, and many women end up settling for less than they deserve after buckling under that pressure.

4. I don’t know your situation, but if you didn’t have this hopefully lucrative position explaining how much your site can benefit single moms, and if you were a single mother, would you use it? How much would you have to earn a month to be worthwhile?

While I am married, I believe that all relationships would be mutually beneficial in nature. Why would you marry someone, or date someone who is taking more than they give? It’s not about earning money while you are dating, it’s about dating someone who can add value to your life and help take care of you. This website was founded on the belief that all women deserve to be treated like princesses, and the men they date should have the means and the mindset to provide for them. If I were single, I wouldn’t be “charging” someone to date me. That’s not how this website works. As long as there is chemistry and the man I’d be dating is bettering my life is some way, that would be all it would take to make it “worthwhile”.

5. Have you ever considered having a tiered service that would rank the woman by attractiveness, intelligence, cleanliness, health, and age, and then allowing men with not enough income to create an arrangement with someone to bid on the less desirable ones?

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We are creating opportunities for people to interact with people they normally wouldn’t encounter. Men can search by keywords, locations and other qualities that they deem important, we wouldn’t to restrict them from finding the person they are looking for based on our perceived opinions of attractiveness or intelligence. That leaves absolutely no room for serendipity and potentially hinders someone from finding their desired relationship.

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19 Replies to “Single Moms and Sugar Daddies: Updated With New Replies”

I hope you get a reply ASAP. I need to know the answers to these questions before I send out my profile. I know I’m not single, but *they* don’t need to know that, right?
I can hook with the best of them.

I’m impressed by her responses, she probably spent way too long replying to you and struggling to not sounds pissy. I can imagine actually why a desperate single mom might do this, I’m more curious though about the men who would do this if sex isn’t part of the equation.

All in all, that’s kind of what my relationship is. My Pete earns all the income (and does most of the chores) and I try to maintain both my looks and my positive attitude. We both take responsibility for raising the boys, of course, but we’re honest about what we get/give with this relationship. Does this make me a dirty girl?