Cowbell

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The cowbell is a clapper-less bell device with a variety of uses. Many consider the cowbell among the most difficult instruments to master, and hundreds of 13-year-old suburban teenagers have been bitterly disappointed at their inability to become proficient players. This could be due to lack of talent and obsession with bands like Led Zeppelin, Blue Öyster Cult, and Will Ferrel more than the cowbell, however, but the cowbell is still pretty hard.

Contents

History

Musicologists assert that the cowbell was originally invented in the Middle Ages as a way for farmers to locate runaway cows. This is a common misconception perpetuated by the "cow" prefix. In actuality, it was invented by Lorne Michaels in 1971 as a method to generate fond memories of TV sketch comedy programs. One year later, famous doctor Oscar Wilde discovered that the cowbell is also a very effective fever reducer. Although there has been reference to the cowbell in caveman time. Erotic cave paintings show that the cowbell or "ugh" was used to attract mates to its loudness and hardness. This method was forever forgotten when Barry White played at freaky caveman rave parties.

Will Ferrel hates cowbell

Recently, it has been said that Will Ferrel hates cowbell and that he wishes that he had never recorded his skit. Unfortunately, he died before he could renounce it.

Cowbells started off simply enough. They were merely a device placed around a cow's neck, assisting farmers in cattle-oriented classical music orchestrations, but seeing as how cows walk rather slowly, the bells made little noise and thus were mostly useless. As a result, they were removed from common usage on the 16th of March, 1862.

Cowbells II: Evolution

After several good long hours sitting on mantles, cowbells have evolved into surprisingly efficient oxygen converters. They take in carbon dioxide, and release oxygen, in a process scientists refer to as the sherpa effect. Because of this evolution in cowbells, humans no longer saw a continuing need for trees, and all trees have been expurgated from earth, making room for mini-malls, parking lots, and most of New Jersey.

Cowbells VII: Disk 3

This is when the mighty bow bell with his mighty buster sword attack the evil Chickens in hopes of defeating it. When they fail, the earth starts to deteriorate because of the spell meteor that the Chickens cast. The Previously fallen Cowbellete did a spell from beyond the grave meteor is stopped and Cowbell with this buster sword stab the chicken lord in the eye the word is saved but the Dope is gone forever from the planet.

Cowbells and Today

In today's society, although cowbells support all forms of life, only a few expertly skilled people throughout the world still practice the art of cowbellery. In 2002, Dick Cheney promised to rectify the situation, but politicians often promise far more than they can deliver, and this was no exception.

Cowbells Today

Modern cowbells are often used to cure fevers and rashes.

Cowbells are also noted for making time travel possible without the need of Plutonium, thus providing a direct replacement for harder-to-find flux capacitors. When using Cowbell, the speed of the time vehicle is cut in half as well, requiring travel at only 44 mph and 0.605 jigga-watts of electricity for activation.

It is currently native to only Mizoram and all countries whose names end with -stan. North Korea's Kim Jong Il has stated that he has access to one, although these reports are unconfirmed.

Controversy

The American Family Association and Parents Music Resource Center has sought support from the FCC to ban cowbells from appearing nude in public broadcasts. The Church of Satan and the ACLU have engaged in legal opposition, pledging to represent any cowbells arrested for public exposure pro-bono. It is claimed that direct exposure to cowbells causes boys as young as 14 years old to realize that they have penises, and begin to engage in a common Church of Satan rite called puberty. Studies have confirmed that puberty is indeed the work of the Devil.
Cowbells have also been known to cause incoherent dancing which is also the work of the Devil.

Use in popular music

In the late 1930s, after the death of Bruce Dickinson, the Blue Öyster Cult were left unattended for several hours. Juan Direction and the Fresh Beat Band took the cowbell and left graffiti on the wall, stating, they have enough cowbell.

Afterward, cowbell was the basis of a new musical genre called Dubstep. Rumor has it that auto-tune is the voice of Christopher Walken and he himself is the reaper today's music fear. Multiple occasions of riots occurred after the assassination of Tom Hanks. He was believed to have died in a car accident with dubstep on the radio. Bruce Dickinson rose from the dead and showed those cocksuckers who's boss.