Category Archives: General

This week a friend of mine posted an article from Shine Yahoo, click here to read it.

This article speaks to me on so many levels. One level that is left out, for me anyways, is that I don’t have boyfriend, but her attitude & outlook is to the point.

i was a chubby kid. You can even see when it happened, between kindergarten & 1st grade. I was able to reach the cereal in the cabinets and make myself bowls of cereal late at night. Since my room was right next to the kitchen, 2 rooms away from my parents, who were in the living room, it was my little secret. Not so secret when you see the difference between my kindergarten picture, potentially a skinny cutie in the making if I say so myself. The chubby girl emerged in the 1st grade picture. Hard to really notice the beginnings of the double chin because I was scrunching my lips to hide the fact I’d lost my front teeth

Ever since then I was the chubby girl. I was never able to wear the types clothes my girlfriends wore, ever since I was 6-7 years old. So this body image thing has always been prevalent. The only difference is that my girlfriends never made it a big deal. The only ones who made it a big deal were family & even then it wasn’t a constant issue.

True in elementary school I was keenly aware that I was overweight, but in a small school I was part of the popular kids, in a class of 15, that’s not very hard. I was accepted & felt no ostracizing. Until that fateful day in 7th grade, my best friend and I were talking to one of the troublemaker guys who was being kind of nice at the time. He asked my friend to describe me, while I was standing right there. She proceeded to round arms out to make her torso like a bubble & puff out her cheeks. Yea, I was devastated. It was later discerned that she was under the influence of another girl in our class whom I had always had issues with, we both fought for my bestie’s attention throughout elementary school. It still hurt, however to have my best friend knock me down like that.

High school, I was so not part of the popular groups, especially those first 2 years. THEY SUCKED!! Communal changing rooms, PE first period, kids who were way smarter than I was. I can praise the deity of my choice when I say that thankfully I didn’t develop acne issues until later on in life. But to my friends, the weight didn’t matter at all.

College, yeah well we know how good that goes over with college dudes, being overweight. Plus, I had adopted the observe, then engage mode when meeting new people, which many took for bitchiness. What can I say….I was taking it all in as to how others behaved & interacted with each other. I lived vicariously through my friends & their boyfriends, because that’s when relationships become more important. But yeah, no boys for Darnee in college.

You’d think I’d be damaged by that. Well, while in college is when I truly became okay with how I looked. I began working at Lane Bryant and I joined this group: Advocates for a Better Body Image (ABBI). It was a group of girls that wanted to help girls develop better body images & self esteem. I was also reading books by Emme, first real plus sized super model; Fat?So!, among others. It all came together. I no longer let my body rule/control my self esteem. During & after college I bought a ton of books, some of which I never got around to reading, but just being in my house they gave off the energy needed to let me let any issues I had with my body go.

The thoughts rear their heads a bit, but overall I can say I’m over it. Yes, I try diets, when I let the thoughts win, it would be so much nicer to be able to wear this or look like her. I never win, my will & stamina suck to be able to stick those things out long term. It is a lifestyle choice after all.

The last person I dated, was attracted to me, even said he liked plus size girls. However when he broke up with me he used the weight thing as a point of opposition. Last time I checked I was fat when we met, so I don’t know what he was thinking when he rationalized that one, but oh well.

I’ll continue on, I’m happy with myself as I am, I would like to be thinner, but I know that’s not going to happen, so I can’t let it get me down, then I’d be a basketcase about it all.

I’ve been reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin lately. I gotta tell ya it seems like just what I needed in my life right now.

A few months ago I had someone in my life that wasn’t very happy with their situation. Unfortunately for me I tend to absorb all emotions around me whether they’re happy, sad, anger, excited, etc. It was to the point where I couldn’t seem to shake those emotions, I was a wreck earlier this summer. Other things besides having those emotions in close proximity factored into my mental state, say oh my current relationship status i.e. null/void/nil/nada but hey what can ya do?

I began reading The Happiness Project before I began talking with someone, professional, to guide me through getting past all those emotions I had absorbed & were letting fester, ick! It’s funny because all my assignments thus far have mirrored things in the book.

Well I’ve been doing research & came across this blog post by Chic Vegan. A lot of the things she lists are all things that were in my head, I just hadn’t been able to verbalize them or put them down on paper, so to speak. Obviously I’m going to be referring to this list as I create my own Happiness Project.

As I was evaluating my blog recently, I realized the appearance was a little “Debbie Downer” & of late I’ve had too much of that around me. So I decided to make a change hence the bright & colorful new theme you see here.

It’s pretty fitting too since not only am I updating my online presence I am also changing my physical presentation. I need the outward to resemble the inside a bit better. After witnessing 2 ladies at work lose a significant amount of weight on the Medifast weight loss plan through their Take Shape For Life program I finally made the jump.

Nicole, who also happened to be one of my students’ mom & a coworker, is my health coach, ie diet pest 😉 She came over today to help me place my first order & talk about the program with me. Seeing as I started blogging to share my few & far between adventures I’m going to obviously share this adventure, I will include photos to prove the journey.

Whew! That went by quick. I was anticipating summer like most of those in my profession, education. But unlike others who take nice long vacations or educational type journeys, I spent my lazy days of summer doing just that, being lazy. I did spend most of June in various workshops offered by my district, that’s just because I’m a nerd & I admit it.

I do look forward to seeing my family during the summer when I can stay longer than an extended weekend like during the school year. For 10 days I went home, well my last home before I moved to Texas anyways, I’ve had 4 homes so to speak. My poor mother was suffering with incredible back pain and I tried to help her pack a few things up since they are moving into a house my sister & bro-in-law are building.

I particularly enjoyed my time with my sister, niece & family friends. Not that I didn’t enjoy my mom, but packing isn’t one of my favorite past-times. My sister is starting a non-profit group to go after grants for educational & cultural programs for native american tribes. We spent a lot of time working together & getting some things started.

After I came home I started poking around & getting ready for the upcoming year. Needlesstosay I spent most of my summer “working.” I searched off and on everyday to find those little tricks and odds & ends that will make this year easier than last year. I put things away in the mental file to be accessed later as well as the paper files, lots of professional development files 🙂

School has now started. I have a great group of kids. I work with a wonderful group of teachers. So far this year is looking like it’s going to be pretty good, in comparison to some of the former years. Now being more familiar with what I’m supposed to be doing, I’m looking forward to the rest of the year.

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Not necessarily beautiful, but it was the first building where I had a physical reaction to. I was in Nashville, trying to show my independence by taking my very first trip alone without family or friends to guide me.

I had done my duties for which I had gone on the trip, interviewed a exec dir of a Native American advocacy group, hoofed my way through a job fair, in a previous life I thought I could actually get a job working in music/entertainment.

So I decided to play tourist & see the city. I went downtown & parked so far away from everything, lol. I walked around bought a Nickel Creek CD at the Ernest Tubbs Record Shop & even made my way to country music holy ground, the Ryman Auditorium, the original site of the Grand Ole Opry.

However, the building that really struck me was the full scale Parthenon replica. Situated next to Centennial Park. It was a gorgeous day, brisk for a mid-March day & sunny, just beautiful. You go in on the ground floor & traverse the museum like display of how & when the building came about. One can either take the stairs or an elevator. I took the elevator, duh!

Looking back maybe taking the stairs might’ve prepared me better for what I eventually saw. I got off the elevator & walked around the corner into a room where I felt literally 1 inch tall. The columns were massively lined up leading the way to a 40 ft. statue of Athena. I immediately got dizzy & felt as if I was going to pass out. I actually had to feel my way around the room until I got my bearings.

Then I was overtaken by the sheer feat of the details & care taken to replicate one of the most important buildings in ancient history. I stayed there for hours just absorbing it all in. Being that I minored in art history, I was in paradise, well at least as close as I could get on a college student’s budget.

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Wow! When I was in school I always looked forward to the summers. However, as a teacher, I think I want summer more than the kids do. It’s amazing to me how much this year has taken out of me.

I went from anxious, nervous, anticipatory energy at the beginning of the year. Next I fell into a deep fear of losing everything. I became a shell of my former self. I found myself just waking up at the last possible minute, putting on my clothes, not even putting on make-up most days. Then came relief in spring. A weight was lifted off my shoulders.

These last couple months, yes I’ve had some of the same problems I had in the beginning, but a much better support system anchor in place. I’ve been able to make it thru to this last week of school. Yes, I’ve had some kiddos that still get to me from time to time, or is is every minute, lol, but I’m able to deal with them much better.

I’ve already put this year behind me so to speak, mentally that is, not technically, because I can’t yet. I’m looking forward to next year and being a better teacher than I was this year, putting into place all those things I learned first thing, instead of waiting til mid year/end of the year.

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So my girl Shannon started using a blog and I thought it was pretty cool. And I figured I have a pretty interesting job and an interesting family, who doesn’t, so I thought I’d give this try and see how things develop.

Friends and family always told me they enjoyed my writing so why not put it out there for everyone to enjoy. True certain aspects of life can be very boring, I mean really look at how much footage is not used in reality tv, but pretty often we’ve all had experiences, family incidents and escapades during our lives that provide much fodder for entertainment. Much of what we see in media is taken from real life. That’s why reality tv is so popular, that and it’s cheaper than paying writers & actors for sitcoms.

Unfortunately, the love of my life, Zoe, my doggie, is unable to go on all adventures, but she’s there for most. And just her every day quirks provide giggles to my family and myself quite often. Most of her stunts are “You had to be there,” moments, but she’s a ham so I’m sure she’s going to love being protrayed very lovingly by her momma, whom she loves unconditionally but still nips at.

So everyone enjoy, and I hope no one gets bored. In two weeks look for a recap of my trip to the Democratic National Convention in Boston.