Independence Day

I believe it was just about five years ago tonight, that I started on my road to independence.

It feels like a whole lifetime ago, but it was only five years ago that I decided to answer the question with a “yes” instead of my usual “no, of course not.” The question, of course, was “Do you want a divorce?”

The kids were outside or up the street with neighbors, celebrating the 4th with firecrackers. We had recently returned from a mini-vacation in Williamsburg. I remember we were all at the hotel pool when my husband tried to talk me into going back upstairs for some “adult time” while the kids were otherwise occupied. I turned him down.

I’m not sure what started the divorce conversation once we were back home. The argument that started the whole thing seems irrelevant now. What I remember now is realizing that I didn’t want to do this anymore. It was time to change my answer. But he didn’t like my answer and tried to take back the question. He tried for almost a whole year.

And it was a difficult year, not just for the two of us, but for the family. It was not easy living under the same room while trying to get divorced. It was necessary, I suppose, but I know my kids suffered because of it.

He didn’t move out until the following Memorial Day weekend.

I can’t really say that I became an independent woman that July 4th in 2008. I was still very much dependent on others financially. And I didn’t live on my own for long. If I could have afforded it, I know it would have been best for me to be on my own for a longer period of time, but circumstances didn’t allow that. But that night five years ago I took the first step down the road I should have been on a long time ago.

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I’ve nominated you for the Liebster Award. There are no judges and no special rules, and no trophy, you were simply chosen. And we all like to be chosen every once in a while, don’t we? This award is what you want it to be. Your mission, if you chose to accept it, is to go to this post, read it, follow the rules and pass along the love.