Part VI: The Family Love Letter — Final Thoughts

Writing

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Part one of the Family Love Letter series examined this informational document’s importance in serving as a roadmap to financial and personal details, and how having a completed Letter helps ease heirs’ and caregivers’ pain and stress in the event of a loved one’s incapacitation or death. Part two took a closer look at the Family Love Letter’s first section – Advisors and Assets – and why those components are the foundation on which all other sections of the Letter are built. Part three explored an individual’s liabilities and what details were important to record and share as part of the Financial Information section. Part four examined insurance and benefits, and how not recording details could result in benefits going unused, while part five focused on a wide variety of other documents and their importance to survivors or caregivers.

This final article in the six-part series focuses on family history, emotions, and final thoughts, and explores the importance they too hold for survivors.

Sharing a family history and ethical will are ways to leave a piece of you behind with the people you love.

Section six, the final chapter in the Family Love Letter, shifts the focus from the previous sections’ emphasis on finances and important documents to examining personal thoughts that an individual wants to see live on even after they’re gone.

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Crawford Sheryl

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Sheryl Crawford is a financial advisor with The Myrias Group, a private wealth advisory practice of Ameriprise Financial Services, Inc. in Roanoke. She explains that this last section of the Family Love Letter is important and impactful because of what’s being shared.

“Think of this section as more of a family vision and prayer,” Crawford says. “It’s an opportunity to share your wishes, hopes and dreams for those you leave behind, as well as some of your own life lessons. It’s a way to leave a personal piece of yourself with your family at a time when you or they may not be ready to have it communicated face-to-face. That’s why it needs to be written down – so that they are able to learn about it when they are ready and when they need it.”

What is shared is akin to an internal reflection or understanding, Crawford adds. It’s a time for the writer to find their happy place and think about the values they have and want to pass on to loved ones. Consider it a conversation that begins with, “I wish I had been able to tell you this…”

Included in section V is space for workshop participants to complete their “Ethical Will.” This isn’t a legal document, Crawford says, but rather a way to document the voice of the heart or the window into the soul of those who are writing the Ethical Will.

“It’s more of an explanation ‘about me’ – an introspection and place to share what you hope people will remember when they think about you,” Crawford says.

Sharing these emotions and recording them on paper may be difficult for some people, depending on an individual’s personality. Crawford says it’s “the elephant in the room, in that we are facing our own mortality, which is something no one relishes.

“We let people know that this section may be challenging, and that they should give themselves credit for being responsible adults and looking out for loved ones,” she continues. “You want to think about family members first, instead of yourself and the fact that you may not want to share this information, and you want to act now and do this today because you might not be able to capture the facts in time. One thing we find is that younger people think they are going to live forever, but the fact is young people die every day. This is not just for older generations – everyone should do this.”

A family history will cease to exist, unless it’s shared.

The “My Family History” section of the Family Love Letter is where one can capture stories they’ve heard from older relatives to ensure the narrative continues for younger generations. It also opens the door and is a tool for anyone researching his or her family history. And an important part of any family history are details about a family’s medical history.

“There may be diseases that weren’t apparent or that didn’t seem relevant at the time, but later on in life a relative may want to know if they could have inherited a disease, particularly if a cure becomes available,” Crawford says. “This is the one place where that medical data can be recorded and saved and passed on.”

Businesses and organizations have mission statements. People should too.

The Family Love Letter also encourages participants to draft their own personal “Family Mission Statement.” But unlike in other sections, for this exercise, a blank page, free from any guidance or prompts, is all that’s provided.

“It’s up to you what to write,” Crawford explains. “It could be lessons you learned that you’d like to see your family members follow, dreams that you have for them on how to spend their inheritance, or possibly traditions you’d like to see continued. We encourage people to write this section out longhand on a separate paper, rather than within the book or on a computer because handwriting is going to be more impactful and heartfelt and feel like it is coming directly from you.

“The Mission Statement is as unique as you are,” Crawford continues. “And it’s something you can continue to update as long as you are living. This is a challenging section for people to complete because they have to believe it and have a vision of this road map before they can write it. It is your living legacy and it takes time to put something like this together.”

Begin the process today. Your loved ones will thank you.

“People have the best intentions to leave this information,” Crawford explains, “but procrastination is the number one reason for not completing it. Through the workshops, we provide tips and shortcuts so you don’t have to do it all on your own. Many people will struggle with this topic, and the Family Love Letter may be the tool that helps communicate this important legacy to your family.

Matthew Ely, CFP®, ChRC®, who is a financial advisor at The Myrias Group and co-facilitates numerous Family Love Letter workshops, says that what participants provide is a gift to their family.

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Matthew Ely

“Adults frequently reflect on a parent who’s passed away and all the things they would have loved to have asked their opinion about or things they wished the parent had written down,” Ely explains. “You have to ask yourself, ‘what do you want to leave your family that they wouldn’t otherwise know about you? What is the last impression that you want to leave?’ That’s the purpose of this last section.”

Details about upcoming Family Love Letter events and workshops that can help readers complete their own document is available by contacting The Myrias Group at 540.769.0052 or Sheryl.E.Crawford@ampf.com.