The Art of the Escape

Whisking a woman away to Paris may work in the movies, but cinematic heroes are notoriously devoid of kids, careers, and adjustable-rate mortgages. Here's a real-world guide to creating the perfect getaway, no matter how much you have to get away from

Jul 13, 2011

Noah Jeffries thought he had it all figured out, until he found himself in a hotel room in Europe, begging for his life. But plead as he might, the woman blackmailing him—his wife—wasn't going to give him a break.

"She stole my BlackBerry," Jeffries recalls today. "She locked it in the hotel-room safe. And she wouldn't give me the combination until the day we left."

At 42, the media executive thought he was doing a good job of juggling the career, the kids, the missus, and all the unforeseen oddities of success. His wife, Margaret, had a different opinion. "I just wanted him to relax. And not be distracted. And to pay attention to me," she says. What was supposed to be a romantic four-day holiday to recharge their marriage turned into a hostage situation, with Jeffries' e-mail on lockdown.

Vacations can be terrifying for successful guys, and the soul-­sucking demands of the 24-7 work world can turn a lot of powerful, commanding men into weasels. We try to do right by everyone—wife, kids, employees, bosses—and wind up as the eye of a storm of frustration. No wonder 39 percent of men don't take all the vacation time they've earned. At the same time, we know that nothing brings a man and woman closer than an adventure together. So to help you seduce the woman in your life all over again, we've consulted dozens of experts in world travel and created a different sort of itinerary—one focused on helping you relax and enjoy not only your next getaway but also the woman or the family you're getting away with.

Set expectations. Before planning anything, discuss what you want to get from your vacation, what she wants, and what you both want for the kids (if you have any). "Couples have assumptions about planning, and that's when the first mistakes happen," says relationship expert Jessica Weiner, author of Life Doesn't Begin Five Pounds From Now.

Plan your "spontaneous getaway." Women like the idea of an off-the-cuff escape, but they are generally more risk-averse travel planners than men are, according to a study in the Annals of Tourism Research. Now that you know your partner's expectations, follow through by secretly planning activities that will satisfy her needs, advises Weiner.

Improve your chances of an upgrade. "Flights are generally less full on Saturdays and Tuesdays," says Pamela Lassers, a seven-year veteran with luxury-travel operator Abercrombie & Kent. "So you're more likely to get an upgrade on those days."

Leave the details to someone else. Luggageforward.com guarantees door-to-door baggage delivery in more than 200 countries. Headconcierge.com takes care of everything from organizing transport to and from the airport to completing your domestic chores while you're away.

Compliment, compliment, compliment. "She probably bought a new bikini and got a manicure for your trip," says Emma Viglucci, president of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, in New York City. "Notice her effort. A small acknowledgement goes a long way."

Preset the rules of engagement. If you just can't relax unless you know what's happening at the office, then set some rules. They're simple, says Heather Gibson, PhD, associate professor at the University of Florida's department of tourism, recreation, and sport management.

Give your secretary a copy of your itinerary.

Prearrange your e-mailing times. "I BlackBerry for half an hour in the morning," says Gil Schwartz, executive vice president of communications for CBS. "Then I put it away until just before dinnertime and do a little cleanup then too," he says.

Turn it into a sport. David Lee, a portfolio manager at T. Rowe Price, says he has learned to bang out e-mails in less than 10 seconds; Erin Burnett, coanchor of CNBC's Squawk on the Street, spins through e-mail while she's on a stationary bike at the gym.

Make it intense. Strenuous leisure-time physical activities boost the mental and physical health of people with sedentary jobs, according to a study in the journal Occupational and Environmental Medicine. Plan an activity that takes you and your partner out of your normal comfort zones, says Weiner. It's fun, and it can also serve as relationship glue because you're bonding in a new way.

Schedule a buffer day. A study in the journal Leisure Sciences confirmed what you've probably suspected: Coming back to a huge postvacation workload can eliminate the restorative effects of your holiday. Instead of parachuting home on a Sunday and rushing in for that Monday-morning meeting at 8 a.m., arrive back on a Saturday, sleep in on Sunday, and let the holiday pace linger.

Ease into the saddle. "Don't expect everything to get done on your first day back," says Robert Leahy, PhD, a clinical professor of psychology at Cornell University's Weill Cornell Medical College. Preserve the benefits of your vacation by putting some framed shots from your trip on your desk, and take yourself back to the beach, vineyard, or mountains with the occasional glance.

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How Stress Experts Escape Stress

"I haven't experienced stress in 38 years: Even when I'm on vacation, I continue my practice of meditation twice a day and I exercise vigorously, whether it's swimming, scuba diving, or playing golf. Two of my favorite places are Cozumel, Mexico, and Goa, India. Goa has the best Portuguese and Indian seafood, and because the people are islanders, they have a song in their heart."

"The area around Santa Fe, New Mexico, where my wife and I have a vacation home, teems with mushrooms. Every year, we hunt for porcinis—the finest fungi, with the exception of truffles. We gather as many as we can and eat some right away. The rest, we clean, slice, dehydrate, and freeze. My favorite recipe is for porcini and barley soup."

PURSUE YOUR PASSIONOliver Sacks, MD Neurologist and author of Musicophilia: Tales of Music and the Brain

"My favorite activity is open-water swimming; it helps me organize my thoughts. I go on an annual swim vacation to Curaçao with a group of fellow swimmers. My first trip was in 1996, and I've gone almost every year since. I try to swim wherever I go. Last year, I swam in Lake Titicaca, on the border of Peru and Bolivia, the highest navigable lake in the world. At 12,500 feet, the water was freezing but luscious."

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