- Flexible: higher degree of change of change (balanced but somewhat more flexibility

- Chaotic: Very high degree of change (extreme lack of stability)

Needs to be a balance between Stability and Change.

What is commitment?

Personal Dedication

Desire for a future together

Couple identity

Greater priority for the relationship

Willing to Sacrifice

What are the three different Types of Commitment?

Conditional Commitment

Constraint Commitment

Dedication Commitment

What Type of Commitment is characterized by the following:
- A hidden, conditional aspect that doesn't become apparent until difficulties come
- Consumer Culture: Cost/Benefit analysis of relationship
- Alternative Monitoring: thinking about what it would be like to be with someone else

Conditional Commitment

What Type of Committment is characterized by the following:
- A sense of obligation (being stuck, committed to not getting a divorce)
- Social Pressure (What would your family say)
- Concern for Children
- Concern for Spouse's welfare

Constraint Commitment

What Type of Commitment is characterized by the following:
- Internal state of devotion to a person, and to the relationship (involves agape love; making choices to give up choices)
- Involves acceptance of flaws and behavior (because of unsolvable problems)
- Accepting mate as they are instead of trying to change them.

Dedication Commitment

What are some methods of building Oneness?

Spend Time together (Quality & Quantity)

Connecting Rituals

Have Fun!

(Life doesn't have to be all work and no play)

Show Appreciation

(have much more positive interactions than negative interactions: 5 to 1 principle)

Learn to Communicate (Women tend to pursue in conflict; Men tend to distance)

What are John Gottman's Four Horseman of the Apocalypse?

Criticism: Attacking someone's personality or character rather than a specific behavior.