What is Trust?

It started with unknown cause dropping of my right eyelid. I also felt sleepy easily. Some resources said maybe I got an autoimmune disease called Myasthenia Gravis that makes me lose my muscle’s ability to contract. Until now, it’s only a probable case, a hypothesis. My neurologist doctor said maybe it’s just a mild neuropathy. She prescribed me neurotropic vitamin until I take another specific examination to diagnose the disease.

Of course I felt so down. An autoimmune disease, really?

Ya Allah, I’m sad. I hope it’s only a simple neuropathy. But how if I have that serious autoimmune disease?

My feeling is like a sandwich.

Layer 1 : I ask many times, am I really got that disease?

Layer 2 : It’s Ok, I’m only got a disease, it started with my eyes even maybe could spread to other muscles in my body. But it’s Ok, I still live. It is better than suddenly died and I don’t have enough time to pray.

Layer 3 : Thank you Allah for loving me, for always calling me to pray and close to You. Thank you for sending me my cool, smart, and kind parents. Thank you for sending me my handsome genius husband. Thank you for reminding me that I should live better in this world before I died.

Layer 4 : I hope that my disease could make Allah forgives my sins, I hope that I could go to jannah with my husband, with all my family. I realized that is not easy to go to the Jannah.

Then I learned about many kinds of love. Allah loves me so He sent me a disease. My parents love me so they support me, always pray for me. When my husband loves me, he didn’t say anything. He asked permission to off, then he drove me to the hospital. He even saw when my doctor checked some neurological examination. He said, “Tadi pas di cek matanya yang kanan ngedipnya aga beda.” Haha. He likes my private doctor. Hahaha. Seriously, he was so cute and lovely.

So what is Love? I don’t know.

I really don’t know. I only know when my husband comes home, he always tries to smile even he must be very tired.I only know when he hugged me before we go to sleep. I only know when he kisses me before he leave me for work. So, am I really need the definition of love?

I never realized the meaning of that word until I got episcleritis every month, until I got a probable autoimmune disease. He tried to fit with my examination time. He said, “Sekarang jangan kecapean ya. Makannya harus dijaga. Nanti kalau mau ambil spesialis ga boleh berat-berat.”

In two months old of our marriage, Allah Gives us this test. Allah shows me that my husband is really really a good husband. Alhamdulillah. Two of us never guessed that our marriage is challenged this early.

My husband said, “Kalau kita lulus ujian, kita naik kelas.”

So, do you trust that Allah loves you? He never leaves you anyway.

And do you trust your husband loves you? He never leaves you anyway.

:”

So do you love Allah? Do you love your husband? Do you know what you have to do from now on, right? Eat well, sleep well, exercise regularly, pray more, smiling more, love more, work harder, rock the world, use every privilege of breathing to do good.