I spend a half hour writing in my journal every day. I credit it with keeping me sane and it very well do that, but at the same time, I begrudge the time. In that thirty minutes, I could get my exercise done, or play video games or read. There are so many other things I could be doing in that time that don’t feel like a chore.

But I have seen a marked correlation between my sane times and the times when I write in my journal faithfully. Oh, and it’s great for keeping track of my life because I can turn back to that time and check my facts. That quotation is correct. The palest ink IS better than the best memory, because there are lots of times when I have remembered things incorrectly and my journal fixed it or proved me wrong.

If you have been struggling, try keeping a journal, not of your food, but of your emotions, history and thoughts. You might find that it’s easier to keep eating sanely when your crazy ideas are out of your mind and on the paper.

2/2/2015

In addition to doing the Color Run in Las Vegas, I’m doing one in Salt Lake City in August! They just opened up the registration, so you can register and sign up with my team: Starling Fitness. It will save you some money if you sign up with my team instead of running on your own.

1/26/2015

I’ve never taken a yoga class. I’ve been thinking about it, because the yoga videos I’ve watched are HARD to do because I can’t do the moves and watch the TV at the same time. They should show me HOW to do the move first, then tell me the NAME of the move and THEN we should do it together. I’m trying a BEGINNING yoga video for a reason!! I’ve never done it before, except in Yourself Fitness, which was even worse…

But what if an experienced person like Gandhi took a yoga class. Would he have trouble too? This video cracked me up when I saw it.

When he starts losing his cool because she’s playing a ColdPlay song, I lost it. YES! That is exactly why I’m scared to take a yoga class. That and the scolding about “appropriate yoga attire.”

I guess I’ll just stick with my videos…

Update 02-02-15

I think I like this video because this is how I imagine it would be for me to go to a yoga class while being fat. No matter how good I am at it, yoga bitch gonna offer me some blocks and straps. Oh, and she’ll gladly tell me about “appropriate yoga attire” and refer me to a store that doesn’t carry my size.

I apparently have some pent up rage about exercise classes. I don’t think I have ever forgiven that brown haired bitch for the Bosu Ball Incident. I just reread that entry and I am still as hurt and angry as I was ELEVEN years ago when it happened. ELEVEN! That brown haired bitch has probably pumped out five children in that amount of time and weighs more than I do by now.

1/24/2015

Update 02-02-15

I’m kind of peeved today because this review was a TAD premature. I have now had THREE separate failures of this application. Each time, I was adjusting the volume or skipping a song and the app advanced the workout to the next activity. For example, today, I was in the middle of the W6D2 workout. This workout has a five minute warmup, ten minutes of running, three minutes walking, ten minutes of running and five minute cool down. I was in the fourth minute of the first run and a song came on that was a lot louder than the others and I pushed the volume button on my phone to turn it down. It advanced me all the way to the cool down. Definitely UNCOOL.

The worst part is that when I tried to start it again, it was at the beginning. I had already done almost ten minutes of my workout. I could advance it to the three minute walk, but basically, I was screwed. I did the workout on my treadmill and turned off the app. When I checked off that I had done it, it didn’t let me post to Twitter, like I usually do with the stats. That REALLY made me mad because I had done the workout and I didn’t get to brag about it.

So, not even this program is bug-free. AND the truly irritating part is that the program even has a “feature” of being able to advance to the next section. When you’re in a workout, you don’t want to easily skip the next ten minutes. The whole part of the workout is to DO it. The ONLY reason this program has that “feature” is so that the programmers can test the app without actually DOING the workout. Bad form, 5K Runner, bad form.

Oh, and you can bet I’m not buying the 10K runner or your stupid sit-up and pushup apps. Here I am, looking for another app to train with. Why do they all suck so hard?

Don’t get me started talking about Couch to 5K apps. I will rage and spew hatred for all the crappy apps out there. It will be an hour-long rant about how the MOST important thing about a Couch to 5K app are the audio cues.

So, if you want to learn to start running and want an app to help you with that process, DO NOT SEARCH FOR COUCH TO 5K ON THE APP STORE!!! You will find SO many apps and they are ALL garbage. All of them, except 5K Runner.

With a Couch to 5K program, you learn to run by doing intervals. There are times when you run and times when you walk. This app will tell you when to run and tell you when to walk. It will also play your workout music in the background and gently break in to tell you when to run and walk.

All Couch to 5K apps say that they will tell you when to run and when to walk, but 5K Runner actually DOES it. It never misses an audio cue. You see, with those crappy programs, they will gladly tell you when to run, but then some bug happens and they forget to tell you to start walking, so you end up running WAY longer than you should. Or maybe they only work with the audio cues if you keep the screen on the entire run. Some of them only have trouble if your headphones accidentally get pulled out when you dropped your phone. Others break down when your halfway mark audio cue coincides with a cue to run or walk.

I have tested 5K Runner in every possible way to make it break and it has never once missed a cue. Without fail, it has ALWAYS told me when to run and when to walk. It has ALWAYS told me that I’ve reached the halfway mark. It has always given me a little extra incentive when I am in the middle of that last running interval of the day (I REALLY need that one).

5K Runner just WORKS the way it’s supposed to.

That’s how low a bar I set for this program and every other program I tested failed. They all missed an audio cue of some sort and left me walking too long or running too long (that was the worst).

I do have ONE caveat, however. DO NOT LOOK AHEAD! Don’t look at the workout for next time. ESPECIALLY don’t look at the workout next week. It will scare you to think that the next time you run, you’ll have to run for FIVE minutes straight with only three minutes walking for a break. That happened to me. I just finished the W4D2 Run. Before I started, I was so terrified of that run this morning that I tried to avoid it because I had looked ahead.

The funny thing is, by the time you get there, you CAN do it. It might sound impossible, like running for five minutes with only three minutes to recover, but you WILL be able to do it when it comes time for that run. Don’t look ahead, just plug in your headphones and do what the nice lady tells you to do.

That is ONE thing that I wish I could change. I wish I could record audio cues for myself. I would have the people I love record the “Motivate Me” sections. I would MUCH rather hear my husband tell me, “You can do this, we’re almost done.” Or my mom saying, “I’m proud of you for doing your workout today.” Even if it were just me, I wish I could record my own voice saying, “Keeping going, Laura. I know you can do this.”

I really like that you can just turn off the voices altogether and just have beeps telling you when to run and walk. I love that you can choose whether it tells you that you’re halfway done or whether you want motivation. Those settings will really come in handy after I have been using this app for several years, but I’m sick of the audio cues.

Finally, there are the badges. When you do workouts, you earn badges, which feels really good to have one pop up every week or two. Of course, all the motivational cues and badges in the world won’t work if the app crashes or forgets to tell you that you can walk now after a hard run. I love the badges, but they don’t mean anything to me if I am angry at the program for making me run too much.

I’m going to be BRUTALLY honest here. Up until now, my favorite option for Couch to 5K was the 5K app for Zombies, Run! I have been VERY positive about that app because I do love it so much, but even that program has betrayed me. Once it left me running, running, running, and the doctor never came back to tell me to walk. I didn’t hear from her again until she said, “Ok, Runner Five, it’s now time to run.” By then, I couldn’t breathe. I was very mad at the app for that, despite my love for it. THAT’S how important audio cues are when we are learning to run. And I said that I wouldn’t go on an hour-long rant about just that…

Be so busy loving your life that you have no time for hate, regret, or fear.

This has been, hands-down, the BEST way to feel better about myself. There are things in my life that I want to do. I want to write books. I want to have a healthy body. I want to go years and years without bingeing. I want to go to Quebec and speak French with the locals. So, I make a checklist every day. EVERY DAY!!

I set TINY goals every day that have something to do with loving my life. Exercising, meditating, writing, practicing French and all the things that will eventually take me where I want to be. Every time I check something off my list, I feel a tiny surge of feeling good about myself. In fact, I spend my whole day giving myself little doses of dopamine every time I check something off a list.

It’s WAY better than eating all day long.

And those negative emotions like hate, regret and fear all evaporate when I accomplish things. Because if you work a LITTLE bit toward your goals every single day, you WILL accomplish great things. You won’t hate other people. You’ll bask in their envy. You won’t fear the future. You will plan it out just like you want. You won’t regret what you never did. You’ll actually DO it!

I immediately applied it to my home gym. When I am trying to work out, I don’t want to be rooting around trying to find a weight or plug in the exercise bike. Back in October, I organized my exercise room and I find that it’s a lot easier to exercise in a neat and clean room.

I don’t know why clutter makes it harder for me to exercise in a room, but tidying up and organizing has definitely made it easier for me to get my workout in every day. If you have a corner of a room that’s a home gym, try to make it as neat and orderly as possible so that it’s a PLEASANT place to visit. You might find that it becomes your favorite place in the house.

1/20/2015

Feel Good Inc. was out in the cold the other morning and she saw this sunrise. This is the kind of thing that you miss when you listen to that voice in your head.

It’s too cold outside right now.

I’m so tired from exercising every day.

I’ll just do the workout later.

When you listen to that voice, you miss out on the good things like a beautiful sunrise and an invigorating workout. The next time you have that nagging voice in your head trying to talk you out of getting your butt out of bed and doing your workout, remember this gorgeous morning sunrise that you could be enjoying if you just do the next right thing.

I had no hope for a cure for my brain, and honestly, there IS NO CURE for a broken brain. There is, however, a treatment and it takes everything you have to follow it. Fortunately, I haven’t had to sweat has hard as I did in the past, but I did have to learn how to be humble.

In fact, just writing this entry makes me worried that I’m not being humble, but as a recovering binge-eater, it’s my responsibility to share my hope, strength and experience.

In October 2013, I couldn’t go more than an hour without bingeing. I would eat ALL DAY LONG and I felt hungry all the time. Now, I hold in my hand, a one year chip. It has been over a YEAR since I have binged. There is hope. If you thought that you would start the new year right and are disgusted with yourself because you just cannot follow your program, get yourself to an Overeater’s Anonymous meeting.

Overeater’s Anonymous does not endorse anything on this entry or blog. I speak only of my personal experience and not for OA as a whole.