Piece by peace

Pak General: We didn’t do it. Beheading is against good soldierly conduct, which only authorises blowing people’s brains or guts out.

Indian General: Also arms, legs, other body parts.

Hina Rabbani Khar: This is war-mongering.

TV Anchor: How dare they accuse us of war-mongering? Bash them up.

Tahirul Qadri: I completely agree. The Pak government deserves to be bashed up.

Pak Govt Spokesman: We have done nothing. We never do anything.

Indian Govt Spokesman: Don’t say that. It’s we who do absolutely nothing. What about 26/11?

Pak Spokesman: Those were non-state actors. We, on the other hand, are state non-actors. You’re confusing the two.

Pak General: While we, of course, are state actors.

TV Anchors: And we’re actors.

Pak Spokesman: Be that as it may, it was non-state actors who started the Kargil war, the 1947 action, the nuclear bomb.

AQ Khan: The bomb was entirely my fault. I developed the whole thing in my washing machine, the government didn’t have a clue and realised what was going on only when they saw the mushroom cloud over my kitchen.

Pak General: And what about the mayhem in Balochistan? R&AW is behind this.

Indian Spokesman: Of course not.

Pak Spokesman: Well, R&AW wouldn’t be doing its duty if it wasn’t stirring up trouble in Pakistan, right?