One More G.O.P. Debate

Ted Cruz feat. John Kasich

[Intro: Jeb “I Once Used To Be A Contender In This Race” Bush]
La di da da-a, da-a (fell out of favor)
La da da da di da da-a, la-a
Let me tell you, I came here
From a very far away state
All for a chance to be a star
But they didn’t let me get too far

[Verse 1 intro: Ted Cruz]
Hey D.J. you ain’t got no great hands
And the stage still orange from your spray tan

[Verse 1: John Kasich]
C’mon, another question for the K-man
I run Ohio, don’t treat me like some Sarah Pay-lan
Hey FOX lady, y’all ain’t asked me lately
The next JFK here, yeah that’s right, John Kasich
Yo, you know my politics are of a moderate
I beat the middle path, it don’t bother me
A Midwest guy who loved Washington
The college kid that met with Nixon
Now it’s whistle stop, 4 P.M., talk about my vision
Got signs waving, crowd swarming the lectern make your neck turn
Like they looking for shelter, fleeing that liberal specter
Mothers and sons midwestern, fathers and business owners
Skeptics and big-money donors
This shit obnoxious for you, it’s toxic for you, I think
You networks just looking for new loony-bin lines from Trump, I mean
Yeah his ratings let you fly again in first class
And when he talks about his wall you can check in an extra bag
But you think that means you shouldn’t show the rest of us? Dang,
I want in on this deal, no need for news to be real
Say you came out here to find the next president
I say, look in the mirror and ask who you represent
Don’t set a precedent, don’t undermine democracy
Just cause I don’t bring hits like the Trump man’s hypocrisy
Least he ain’t Hill though, least he ain’t Hill though
Make me say “these Dems have got to go”
Make a Republican spew hyperbole
Make me think that strat will work for me
Make me bring my star to apogee, in the land of the free
They all chant my name, they know I know the game
Got five more states up for grabs on a Tuesday
Snatch delegates till Trump can’t help but lose it
Window of opportunity gone just like OH union fees
The rich, the potpourri, all walks of life gon’ vote for me
Till winning’s rote for me, grab delegates in twos and threes
And soon I foresee, Cleveland con, home state victory
Cons gonna vote for the Con from Columbus
It ain’t convention, but I’ll beat Trump, bitch
Our shame gone down in flames cause he done forgot he’s a rookie
Only complaints ‘bout me gon’ come from broke-ass bookies

[Verse 2: Ted Cruz]
Friday night and I’m feeling a little flighty
Breakneck speeds, third state today with Heidi
Thinking back to how I got here in the first place
Establishment passed but then they have the worst taste
A summa cum laude at Princeton and Harvard
Ditched all the other Ivies, they gotta try harder
Got cushy positions under Dubya still nameless
Working for A list, while losers still working for Kasich
When I get invited, you know I’mma get hired
Bring this Ivy League brain, some dope’s gon’ get fired
They’ll say he retired, I say they’re some liars
Cause when I come in, they all get inspired
Any rumor you ever heard about me was true and legendary
I done got Kat Pierson and four more “secretaries”
For all my fellows with babies by mistress
That use they kids as meal tickets
Not knowing the disconnect from the father
The next generation won’t grow up with my dictums
I can’t fault ‘em, heck no
Heck, even Heidi said no way she going back to SLO
Bring back our regularly scheduled programmin’
Of good debate and pols hammin’
Trump onstage, diggin’ his hole, damnin’
Then there’s me, body and soul Hamlet
Bustin’ out that Shakespeare flow
Me and Horatio, laughed at on the Daily Show
To us that’s just a badge of pride
Them liberals, the problem ain’t they obnoxious, the problem is they ain’t conscious
That’s it’s cause of them that America died
First, FDR set us off on a downward slide
And at the bottom Obama called it justified
That’s why I’d rather gear up for the right
I be worried ‘bout ISIS, I be worried ‘bout our fate
Radical Islamic terrorism done jacked up all the stakes
I had my life threatened by liberals who’re rather dense
What I’m supposed to do?
Give them the Constitution and hope they learn some sense?
Every lefty I know, know I hate lefties
I’m too smart, I’m too vocal, they can’t best me
When I get in my zone, I got even K-West beat
Hey, don’t test me, watch out ‘cause I’m deadly
Some days I side with Carly, some days I side with Trump
But they all ask like chumps, “how high?” when I say “jump”
Out here on the stump, fans worried that I be done
But I’m just getting started, gon’ ride that VP bump
A 45-year-old since 5 years old, knew what I wanted
Told my wife what she was in for, knew we’d be hunted
It took ten months in D.C. to get the fed shut down
And the Repubs backed away as soon as I won renown
Gosh darn, on stage snipping Trump’s yarns
Face red, paint Donnie just like a barn
Thank God for me
That’s what they’ll be saying, thank God for T!
When I get to the White House, cut off their checkbooks
The debt disappear when waste and fraud get hooked
I feel like Ronald when tell ‘em vote for Cruz
I feel like Ronald when I see me on the news
I feel like Ronald when I’m workin’ on my speech
Tell ‘em Ted’s the king here, lyrics you can’t impeach
We need the budget ax, big cuts, the budget ax
Chop-cho-cho-cho-chop it like Zodiac
They don’t like to see me in SF, the truth’ll do that
They keep runnin’ from my shack, the truth’ll do that
They run from my shack when this truth get too real
This real truth’s a self-reliance spiel
No taxes, taxes, taxes, taxes
Low, low taxes, taxes, taxes, taxes
And as far as job plans, tell all my voters I have nine
Or have another debate, so I can tell ‘em in primetime

[Hook: Ted Cruz]
Please, one more G.O.P. debate
Please, baby, one more G.O.P. debate, uh
Please, one more G.O.P. debate
Please, baby, one more G.O.P. debate, uh
Please, one more G.O.P. debate
Please, baby, one more G.O.P. debate, uh
One more (Reince Priebus)

[Outro: Ted Cruz & John Kasich]
I’m Ted Cruz
And I’m John Kasich
And we approve this message
*SWISH*