What the hell? There’s a movie starring Terrance Stamp, John Hurt, and Tim Roth released in ’84, called The Hit? How had I never heard of this before? Wait, Tim Roth? What was he, like 12 when he made this?

To call Tim Burton’s ’01 “re-imagining” of Planet of The Apes aggressively awful would be to do it a kindness. I fear no assemblage of words will do the wretchedness of this movie justice. Give a single monkey a single typewriter, a deadline, and a bottle of bourbon, he’d write a movie better than this one.