The girls battle it out in cute tops

First thought tonight: What kind of world does the AI set exist in? All shiny and hard and circular and dark. It’s like a gleaming dungeon where future pop stars die before they can be made.

Ryan says: “No more crying cowboys. No more Britnam twins.” Then he announces the girls, who walk as if on a beauty pageant, which I guess this is, but the talent competition counts a bit more.

Mandisa starts things off. “I wanna show that sistas can rock, too,” she says. She sings Heart’s Never. The cheesy synth is overwhelming and the sound mix is awful, but I can’t deny that she’s got a voice. I don’t know how interesting that voice is…

Randy: “That was hot, man.” Paula: “Magnificent.: Simon: “You have an unbelievable personality and I think we’re going to see you all the way through to the finals.”

Kellie Pickler is CRYING AGAIN. I thought that was cute before, but now, I don’t know. She’s got an animal print bedspread, which is never cute. She’s singing How Far by Martina McBride. “I don’t really have a loove life,” she says in her long drawl, so she’s singing this for her daddy, who is in jail, if you didn’t catch that the first million times. Still, she’s got the magic.

When Ryan walks up to the girls to speak with them about their performances, he stands rigid and his body says, “don’t you dare touch me or my hair.”

“Pick Pickler!” she says, abandoning all former tragedy. Anyone else reminded of Election?

Becky O’Donohue is next, singing Because the Night, which isn’t a good song for anyone. This is a stinky performance. She has turned it into a hair band rock song. I feel like we’re watching someone do karaoke. The judges are going to SLAY her.

Randy: “You don’t have to have the best voice, necessarily.” Paula: “There were notes that were off throughout the song.” Simon: “Visually, you are a ten. But the voice is a six and a half. I don’t think ‘quite good’ is good enough anymore.”

Perfect Girl Ayla Brown is next, singing Reflection by Christina Aguilera. She talks about all she’s had to overcome. I’m embarrassed for her. I mean, she does realize she’s a healthy, pretty, American, right? There are hardships harder than a girl on a boy’s football team. Her voice is good, but just doesn’t sound like anything new.

Randy: “I was pleasantly surprised.” Paula: “You made it your own song.” Simon: “I saw some emotion, which was very important.”

Ayla keeps saying how great she feels after singing the song. She’s acting like she’s just cured cancer. Perspective, please!

Paris Bennett is next! She’s singing Midnight Train to Georgia. Her hair is adorable. She owns that stage. Her voice is getting a little lost in the cheesy synth, but when she belts out, you feel it.

Commerical break. Flipped to PBS to learn that nutrinos have mass. Television is a strange world.

Stevie Scott is next. This name isn’t jogging anything in my memory. She’s singing To Where You Are by Josh Groban, her “inspiration.” She strives to be “the girl version.” Does she know how much I despise Josh Groban? Does she know?! Is she even singing? This is horrid. The judges should be embarrassed that she got this far. Go back to opera, Lady Josh Groban.

Randy: “Dude, I found myself daydreaming while you were singing.” Paula: “It was very brave of you.” Simon: “I think you utterly messed that up.”

Stevie (pouting): “I know I can bring it. I will bring it, I will.” She is so gone.

Brenna Gethers is always posing. She’s singing You Are the Sunshine of my Life. Bad song. Her voice is completely lost. Did they pack the first hour with the standouts?

Randy: “I was like, yo, man, this performance did not get me.” Paula: “There was a sensitive side.” Simon: “You’re like a wild little cat and you’ve had gloves put on you and a coat and a hat.”

Heather Cox is next singing When You Tell Me That You Love Me. Again, I don’t hear her voice. Eh. Average.

Randy: “It was kind of really boring, man.” Paula: “This was not a great performance.” Simon: “It was forgettable.”

Melissa McGhee, a pageant veteran, sings When the Lights Go Down by Faith Hill. The MUSIC IS TOO LOUD, guys. I can’t tell what her voice sounds like at all.

Randy: “You said, like, ‘yo, I’m gonna lay it out right here.'” Paula: “I think this was a shining moment for you.” Simon: “You’re a bit lifeless when you sing.”

Lisa Tucker, Girl Wonder is next, singing I Am Changing by Jennifer Holliday. Obviously, she’s going to be one of the final contestants, but why choose a total non-pop song? You can’ be an American Idol singing a feel-good ballad. She made a lot of pitch errors in this song, I’m surprised. If you think she’s going to beat Paris, you’re crazy.

Randy: “The dawg didn’t get it.” (I’m starting to love Randy’s stoner cadence.) Paula: “Your performance was powerful.” Simon: “It was a very cabaret performance. We’ve seen it a million times.”

Finally, Katharine McPhee, the stage mother’s daughter, singing Since I Fell For You. STREISAND! I love Streisand. McPhee has one of the better voices, but she’s got to stop stomping and shaking. She looks goofy.

Randy: “You’ve got it going on, man.” Paula: “This is the greatest show on earth. It taps into the human spirit.” (Ok, but what about her singing?) Simon: “There were four very good vocalists tonight and you were the best.”