I Can Handle His ‘Dark Passenger,’ But This…

I love Dexter. It’s full of terrible voiceovers and some really dumb shit, but I don’t care. It’s like your trashy friend who you love even though they post Panic! At the Disco lyrics as their Facebook statuses.

Plus, a friend and I found a way to turn Dexter‘s most absurd things into my new, favorite drinking game.

The Rules:

Drink every time Dexter says something melodramatic, cliché or lame.

Drink every time Deb says “fuck.”

Drink every time LaGuerta wears something ridiculous.

That’s it. You really only need those three rules and you’ll be wasted in the first episode. These stupid things have become my favorite part of Dexter, but this last episode was just too much for me to handle.

Exhibit A:

This is not a joke.

Seriously guys? No. Just no. And then they followed this disaster up with some weird incest story line, which I’d be totally down for if the show’s producers had any idea of how to be sexy. Apparently, in Miami this is erotic:

Sexy noodle time

After Deb got all lusty watching Dexter scarf down some pad thai as though he were….well, me, she showed him how to use chopsticks and that’s when she just lost it.

Oooh, baby. Grab that spring roll.

After their sensual chopstick lesson Deb and Dex started going at it in the mouth region and it was just gross. Everyone has their sexual kinks, but chopstick time with your sibling? I don’t really get it. Dexter murdering someone issexier than this hot mess.

Overall, I simply expect more from a Showtime series. I mean, on The Tudors Jonathan Rhys Meyers had a more erotic session with a pomegranate.