Completely agree that a relationship is going to change over time, and that is likely for the better. I do however, think that thee can be some starry eyed passion even later in a relationship, but that it will depend greatly on the two people. I also agree that for this to happen, there will need to be at least a fair amount of passion for each other in the beginning. Maybe not through the roof, but still a fair amount of it.

But things like staying in shape, minding your hygiene, being a considerate, patient and kind partner, can all help create a fertile ground for more passion, even if it isn’t the same as when you first met.

]]>By: Evan Marc Katzhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/comment-page-2/#comment-6404095
Fri, 12 Feb 2016 22:48:40 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-6404095It’s all good, Laura. The Internet is a weird place. People have their own perspectives and tend to key on a sentence that irks them – thereby creating a story about me that is rarely the whole truth. I don’t expect everyone in the world to agree with everything I’ve ever written. I do expect people to give what I say a measure of credence and refrain from personal attacks. People can agree to disagree, and still acknowledge each others’ truth and reality.
]]>By: Laurahttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/comment-page-2/#comment-6404069
Fri, 12 Feb 2016 21:00:09 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-6404069OK, so I made a comment on one of your posts (yesterday I think it was). And I was pretty judgmental of your character based on ONE blog response you gave to ONE individual’s question. And I don’t think that’s fair. I didn’t necessarily agree with you on that particular question, but I’ve been looking through more of your articles, and I’m actually enjoying them. So I wanted to say I’m sorry for being so quick to judge (which isn’t typically like me) and thank you for all of the great information you do provide. While I still think that response could have been more tactful, I can appreciate the fact that you have enough ambition, passion, and intelligence to put together this site, which is helpful in a lot of ways! A lot of interesting thoughts on here that are giving me perspective as a woman in a newer (but totally awesome) relationship! Anyway, hope that wasn’t too weird, I just felt a need to follow up.
]]>By: Lilyhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/#comment-5919123
Sun, 28 Jun 2015 09:02:18 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-5919123Let’s not presume that 60-year-old divorcees are not passionate. Many people who divorce in their 50s and 60s have come out of marriages with no passion at all and very much want to experience it again or for the first time. The gray-haired, mild-mannered accountant that you see at the grocery store may be helping his 60-year-old girlfriend experience wild, passionate sex on a regular basis which is actually quite a healthy thing.
]]>By: starthrower68http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/comment-page-2/#comment-3026288
Mon, 13 Oct 2014 23:32:51 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-3026288]]>Not a problem. Many elderly enjoy retirement home living with the sense of community. 😉
]]>By: Joshhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/comment-page-2/#comment-3026287
Mon, 13 Oct 2014 23:32:41 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-3026287Hi starthrower68,
I’m just trying to understand what you wrote.

You wrote: “Evidently this has to be repeated yet again that one is wise to strike a balance between passion and stability.”
That’s a given.
But then you go on to contradict your last statement with: “All chemistry and passion means is that you might have great sex. Doesn’t mean someone will want to sit in the rocking chair on the porch with you when you grow old.”

No offense but it doesn’t seem to me like you’re advocating a balance between passion and stability.

In fact, you’re underplaying passion and suggesting a good relationship is all about stability.

BTW, homes for the elderly abound with rocking chair buddies, so, if were you, I wouldn’t be too worried about that.

Just teasing 😉

]]>By: Joshhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/comment-page-2/#comment-3026234
Mon, 13 Oct 2014 23:28:11 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-3026234Hi starthrower68,
I’m just trying to understand what you wrote.
You wrote: “Evidently this has to be repeated yet again that one is wise to strike a balance between passion and stability.”
That’s a given.
But then you go on to contradiction your last statement with: “All chemistry and passion means is that you might have great sex. Doesn’t mean someone will want to sit in the rocking chair on the porch with you when you grow old.”
No offense but it doesn’t seem to me like you’re advocating a balance between passion and stability.
In fact, you’re underplaying passion and suggesting a good relationship is all about stability.
BTW, homes for the elderly abound with rocking chair buddies, so, if were you, I wouldn’t be too worried about that.
Just teasing 😉
]]>By: EmeraldDusthttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/comment-page-2/#comment-3026069
Mon, 13 Oct 2014 23:14:50 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-3026069I think that “in love” feeling fades over time, but the comfort grows. I don’t think trying to make that feeling last for 50 years is realistic, but I do think it is important to have in the beginning, because even when that starry eyed feeling fades, you still have the MEMORY of it. I think the memory of that starry eyed feeling can still bring a smile to your face, when you are an old comfortable couple sitting on the porch, holding hands & talking about the grand kids. It can also trap you into staying with someone when the starry eyed haze of new love wears off, and you are an old beligerant couple having a screaming match over the proper way to hang a roll of toilet paper.
I wouldn’t want to enter into a relationship with a complete absence of passion (or lust, excitement or infatuation, or whatever term you prefer to use) but it doesn’t have to be through the roof. I would rather have less passion and more comfort than vice versa, but I couldn’t get into a relationship without passion at all.
]]>By: starthrower68http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/comment-page-2/#comment-3025850
Mon, 13 Oct 2014 22:53:02 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-3025850]]>Well the good news is, we are free to have however much passion vs. stability that we desire. 😉
]]>By: Sarahhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/comment-page-2/#comment-3025628
Mon, 13 Oct 2014 22:32:40 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-3025628I agree that there needs to be balance but I think you’re selling passion short starthrower68. Passion is more than just great sex and desire, it’s the compelling enthusiasm and strong feelings that propels someone to want to stay with someone until they are 81 and in that rocking chair. Inspires someone to strive to be the best version of themselves. What I think Josh is trying to point out is that is isn’t so black and white. Passion isn’t less important than stability. If you compromise against passion, isn’t your partner only your best friend then? Why not choose a roommate to grow old with instead? Why not choose one of those cats to herd? I know from experience that going after only the perfect guy on paper who would make a great rocking chair buddy doesn’t work out either. Passion is something you can lose so it is something you have to fight for. I’d take the feeling of being ‘in love’ with someone over just ‘loving’ someone because they get along well with you and you both can grow into stable complacency together.
]]>By: starthrower68http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/comment-page-2/#comment-3022726
Mon, 13 Oct 2014 18:26:36 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-3022726Evidently this has to be repeated yet again that one is wise to strike a balance between passion and stability. I have felt intense passion a couple of times in my life for certain men and there was no stability whatsoever. Trying to continue on with them would have been like trying to herd cats. All chemistry and passion means is that you might have great sex. Doesn’t mean someone will want to sit in the rocking chair on the porch with you when you grow old.
]]>By: Joshhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/comment-page-2/#comment-3022512
Mon, 13 Oct 2014 18:07:38 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-3022512You obviously put a lot thought and “passion” into your articles.
But I respectfully disagree with your advice:
You chose to be a dating coach.
Let’s be honest: that’s not exactly the most “practical” career choice.
Why did you choose this line of work?
My hunch: passion. (BTW, I went after my passion as well and have never regretted it.)
In regards to finding a mate: love is not the same as planning your 401 K.
Chasing passion may risk disaster. But compromising passion for “stability” risks misery and ennui.
For every person I know who suffered from chasing their passion, I know another who suffered from settling for “stability” and “compromise.”
]]>By: Plutogirlhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/#comment-2728187
Mon, 22 Sep 2014 20:37:56 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-2728187Thanks, Evan. I admit I have an agenda, which is to encourage and inspire people to follow their dreams and not “sell out” for the money. I also admit to being a radical who loathes capitalism. That is why I wrote the response I did. I can see how writing an advice column helping people find love would be rewarding and meaningful. So thank you for the good wishes, and good luck to you too.
]]>By: Evan Marc Katzhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/#comment-2722232
Mon, 22 Sep 2014 04:28:20 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-2722232a) Okay, Plutogirl. Live and let live. You’re clearly very happy and well-adjusted to start fighting with a stranger who found an alternative path from his original passion and, sure enough, magically got happier. That’s my advice. I’m sticking with it.

b) It’s not like I came out into your bedroom and told you that you had to change. I write a free online advice column where people ask me questions. Obviously, if you disagree with my answer, there is no one-size-fits-all. But that doesn’t mean that some answers aren’t better than others. Good luck to you.

]]>By: Plutogirlhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/#comment-2721765
Mon, 22 Sep 2014 03:09:12 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-2721765Maybe I know myself better than you know me. Or maybe you could tell any person on this planet that they would be shocked at how much happier they might be doing something else. Why not try telling it to Lindsay Lohan or Carrie Underwood? The fact is, I don’t want to do something else, so why should I? I’m not telling you to do something else, so why do you say that to me when I already have a happy life? Whatever happened to live and let live?
I’m not everybody. That’s the point. There is no “one size fits all” that makes person happy. Your “meat” would be poison to me. I’m glad you’re happier making more money, but I have no interest in that, so please, be happy for me, and don’t tell me to make a different choice. And there is a huge spectrum in between the ramen noodles and being super wealthy. As an environmentalist, I find meaning in a scaled down life without a lot of things that equates to treading lightly on the Earth.
The issue about age making a difference or having to have a “schedule” wasn’t yours; it was made by another commenter on this site.
]]>By: Design girlhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/comment-page-2/#comment-1925813
Wed, 11 Jun 2014 05:58:11 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-1925813I have many passions including painting, children’s illustration, guitar, photography, graphic design. Graphic design was the one that supported me…paid work seems to find me easily.
By analogy, I have been attracted to various men who were not attracted to me…and then I was attracted to my husband, who loved me back.
So I believe there is this push and pull of the universe, and you have to respect its Flow…
not stubbornly asserting your own will and vision at all times.
This is in response to those who say they know exactly what they want to do, and not doing it is a failure…are you really so wise and perfect that you always know the best path for your life?
It seems that Evan helps many people on this site, and perhaps the universe was more in need of that than another screenplay…?
Perhaps both in work and dating, one needs to be not focused on getting exactly what one wants, but be a bit more open minded and receptive. That is my view of the pursuit of passion.

(disclaimer…yes I do have religious beliefs…and yes I cone from an Eastern background!)

]]>By: Peterhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/comment-page-2/#comment-757066
Mon, 01 Apr 2013 22:20:17 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-757066I am with Evan on abandoning hopeless passion. During my career, UK manufacturing lost 90% of it’s workforce. A passion for engineering doesn’t keep you employed in those circumstances. Furthermore, I agree that trades with low entry barriers, such as, no doubt, script writing, are very hard to develop into remunerative work. Lawyers, accountants, doctors and to some extent engineers, push the weak overboard before they are admitted into the profession. If you make it through onto the boat, you rise and fall with the tide. (Desperately trying to keep the metaphor consistent. Still needs work).
]]>By: Ginahttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/comment-page-2/#comment-752036
Thu, 28 Mar 2013 15:06:18 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-752036I am going to weigh in on this one too…I live in Northern California now, but was born and raised in Los Angeles. I met so many people who were trying to make it in either the music or entertainment industry and most of them, except one of my childhood friends, did not. I also went to high school withkid young man who was in one movie as a kid, but could not get any other acting roles. As far as being a screenwriter was concerned, I do not know anyone who made it. I am in my early 50s and my parents, as well as many of the parents of my generation told us to go to college and obtain practical degrees that would enable us to secure gainful employment (because they had no intention of supporting us indefinitely). For those of us who were determined to make it in the entertainment business because that was our “passion” and we just knew that we would be the exception to the rule, we were told to pursue that passion, but have a double major or minor in a field that would provide gainful employment as a backup if our dream did not pan out. It didn’t and those business, computer science, and engineering backup degrees were the ones that paid the bills. The Radio, Television, and Film on the other hand, turned out to be a waste of money.
The old Gladys Knight song, “Midnight Train to Georgia” comes to mind. It is about a man who could not make it in the entertainment industry in L.A., decides to go back home to Georgia, and his girlfriend follows him.
]]>By: Rubyhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/comment-page-2/#comment-751352
Wed, 27 Mar 2013 20:28:21 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-751352Rochelle #42

Actually, I have a friend who works as a video game character designer. He makes a six-figure income working for a video game company, a lot more than when he was self-employed as an animator. I think, in many cases, it’s the self-employment and the pursuit of fine art as a profession (rather than doing commercial work), that makes it more difficult to make a living.
]]>By: Rochellehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/comment-page-2/#comment-751334
Wed, 27 Mar 2013 19:59:36 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-751334A lot of artists and writers freelance while also making earnings through a stable job. I know a lot of people in the art field, dated some artists too. It’s true, the opportunities are very slim, very competitive, and it’s difficult to live on a stable income that way. It’s a shame because I admire artistic talent and once considered going that route too as either a comic book artist, fashion designer or video game character designer. I had to be honest with myself and realize it wasn’t wise to follow that as my career, especially after seeing how so many people were more creative and artistic than myself. So perhaps some would say I “compromised” into my current career of library and information services and I love it. Plus it pays well and I don’t have to work long hours.
]]>By: sarahrahrah!http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/comment-page-2/#comment-751314
Wed, 27 Mar 2013 19:20:49 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-751314I’ve got to weigh in on this one, too.

Folks, Evan is objectively correct when he says that making it in the creative arts is next to impossible. If you don’t believe him, look up your favorite creative arts profession in the Occupational Outlook Handbook, compiled by the U.S. Department of Labor: http://www.bls.gov/ooh/

I live in Northern California and have worked and volunteered in the visual and performing arts areas for over 20 years. I am friends with “professionals” in the business. These are people who are lucky enough to have full-time work in their desired fields. Of these people, virtually none of them has a stable income (and up until now with Obamacare) and health benefits except for those who chose to go into teaching. If you’re creative and want to make money without teaching, your best shot is by creating iPhone applications, imho.
]]>By: Rubyhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/comment-page-2/#comment-751291
Wed, 27 Mar 2013 18:53:38 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-751291Goldie #39

That’s why so many people in the arts teach. Your writer acquaintance could teach, or work/freelance as a copywriter or editor, and still have time to write. Unless a book is a big best-seller, you don’t make that much money off it. However, thinking it’s going to only take a year or two to make it, isn’t very realistic, so you’ll need to plan on supporting yourself some other way for at least 3-5 years.
]]>By: Goldiehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/comment-page-2/#comment-751215
Wed, 27 Mar 2013 17:20:20 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-751215FWIW Evan, I’m with you in that, generally speaking, there’s no money in creative art. Yes, a few people make it big. A few people also hit the jackpot; doesn’t mean we should all start buying lottery tickets. I can only speak for writing, as that is the only field I’ve had some exposure to. I met someone at an annual charity brunch three years ago that was a published writer and had a book in the works. After we met, she had one book come out (I bought a copy) and got an advance for the sequel. At the next annual brunch however, I didn’t see her. A mutual friend told me that this woman was broke, and could not afford to pay the $40 for the brunch. She also lives with a roommate. She is in her 50s. She does not have a family or kids, and still, she cannot even support her own self with her trade. And she is a published writer, something most people that try to write and submit will never be. It is insanely hard to make money with writing, especially these days. IMO there is nothing wrong with giving your passion a try for a year or two, then if it doesn’t pan out, finding another profession in a similar field, that pays (like you did), and/or pursuing your passion on your free time as a hobby. I’ve told your story to my sons a few times, by the way. The message I want them to get from it is that their future may not turn out exactly as they want it to at 17, but that, along the way, they may discover a profession they don’t even know exists, and become successful at that. I’m not sure if I believe in deciding what you want to do once when you’re a teenager, and then staying the course for the rest of your life, no matter what. I expect talented people (like you, or like my kids) to be more flexible than that.
]]>By: Evan Marc Katzhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/comment-page-2/#comment-751187
Wed, 27 Mar 2013 16:42:04 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-751187You don’t seem to understand, Yolanda. The number of people who “make it” is MINISCULE. But the possibility of making people laugh for a living, or playing basketball for a living, or painting pictures for a living is so tantalizing that hundreds of thousands of people try. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. It DOES mean that you shouldn’t be so fixated on your passion so as to make yourself miserable. People who have aspirations that go unfulfilled (like making a living at art) are often highly unhappy people, and all they’d have to do to get happy was shift their goal. It worked for me, and I would suggest it could work for lots of people as well, if they had the wherewithal to realize that you CAN be happy at another profession.
]]>By: Yolandahttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/comment-page-2/#comment-751168
Wed, 27 Mar 2013 16:18:41 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-751168 Oh I so do not agree with this. All kinds of writers and artists and screenwriters have made it big, doubling up on jobs or living low for a long while and pulling through. What made you want to become a screenwriter in the first place? People doing movies, making them happen. Stop discouraging everyone. You sound like you are trying to talk people out of it. And yes, there are highs and lows in the arts, but there are such things in the “normal” world as well. Look at the “mothers” staying at home who kill their own kids or the “nice, sane 9 to 5” neighbor who goes bezerk and shoots kids. There are lawyers and doctors who are bipolar criminal fill in the blank everything. The writing life and the artistic life are difficult but hugely rewarding to those who pull through.
]]>By: Evan Marc Katzhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/comment-page-2/#comment-750312
Tue, 26 Mar 2013 18:43:47 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-750312Wrong, Joel. The odds of becoming a successful and working writer with a long career and not having to support one’s self with a day job is astronomically low. Most other careers are closer to meritocracies. You go to law school, you go to med school, you go to business school, you’ll most likely land on your feet. Not so with a career in the arts.

Creative people are more likely to be depressed and bipolar than the general population by far (see Jonah Lehrer’s “Imagine”), which isn’t an accusation, but an observation. When you put all your eggs into your passion, and you don’t get to really ply that passion professionally, life can be pretty darned frustrating. If you can be fine with your passion as a hobby – community theater, small poetry readings, local choirs, that’s cool. But making a living at your artistic passion is rare indeed – and there’s often a great cost to those who don’t look beyond their passion for income.

]]>By: joelhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/comment-page-2/#comment-750259
Tue, 26 Mar 2013 17:22:34 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-750259
@EMK
Yes, but that can be said of any profession. Or any endeavor. Many want to get into Harvard, a large handful do. Just as many wish to be screenwriters, and a large handful do.
The point is, that people who follow their passion do make it. Those who fail or “fail” do so for many reasons, but either the interest isn’t strong enough or the planning is too rocky or they are burdened too soon with responsibilities.
My earlier point was, though, that following one’s profesional calling does not have to be Ramen noodles the whole way through. One can have a job and do the writing, for example, at night. That model has worked for many.
I do get the impression that you wish to discourage people from passion. It is what make life very grand

]]>By: Joehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/#comment-750200
Tue, 26 Mar 2013 16:09:12 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-750200@ Speed #26:
I don’t think you necessarily become a veteran when the fun is gone, but when the fun drops below the desire to excel.

@ Rose #27:
I would hate to be bonded by oxycontin to anyone.
]]>By: Evan Marc Katzhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/#comment-749395
Mon, 25 Mar 2013 21:04:37 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-749395@Joel – “Many artists make it big following their passion.”

False. Very few artists make it big following their passion.

It’s the belief that she’s going to be the next Julia Roberts or Lady Gaga or Donna Karan or whatever that leads tens of thousands of women to move to Los Angeles. You only know the ones you’ve heard of. You haven’t acknowledged the many depressed ones who are living on ramen noodles in Hollywood, the ones who went back home to Okalahoma to start families, or the ones who chose more practical careers instead.

It’s a FACT that very few people make it big in Hollywood, for example. It’s not an opinion.

Why does following ones art have to be Ramen noodles and one bedroom apartments? Many writers and artists make it big following their passion. Me thinks thou dost protest too much
]]>By: Juliahttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/#comment-749220
Mon, 25 Mar 2013 16:56:26 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-749220It strikes me that Evan does have passion for what he does. It would be really really hard to do what he does if he didn’t. Its just not the same passion he started out with in life, he had to find something new and grow into his passion for it.

I believe the same is true with relationships. If you pursue the instantaneous passion in men, you might continuously be disappointed with the results. But if you grow into your feelings with a man who treats you well and is consistent, your passion for him might grow over time. I would prefer the slow and steady burn of a nice relationship compared to the fireworks of a 2-3 month affair.
]]>By: Goldiehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/#comment-749138
Mon, 25 Mar 2013 14:51:26 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-749138@ Evan & Plutogirl, I believe in middle ground, personally. I’m probably selling out in that I work for a large corporation and doing pretty boring stuff instead of developing the new Google or Facebook or what have you. But at least I’m doing what I enjoy, and do not dread going to work every morning. I also have a full life outside of work, and a schedule that allows me to pursue things I enjoy.

But how about this one… I have two children that are finishing high school and college next year, both hellbent on pursuing their passion. I don’t have it in me to advise them to sell out like their mother did. I think they should at least give their passions a try, like Evan did. If, ten years from now, they come to a realization that their passion isn’t working out, they can always settle then, but at least it’ll be their decision, based upon years of experience. They both know there is a limit to how far they can pursue their passion (I won’t be able to support them financially in their adulthood; they’ve seen my bank accounts and know that well; so their passion will have to pay at least for ramen and a one bedroom apartment.)
]]>By: Evan Marc Katzhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/#comment-748708
Mon, 25 Mar 2013 04:31:37 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-748708That, personally, is great for you, Plutogirl. But you are not everybody. And you’d be shocked at how you might be much happier doing something else. I thought I couldn’t be happy doing anything but screenwriting. It was my passion. It was my identity. I was WRONG. However it would be next to impossible to realize this until I TRIED something else. You’ll never do that, so you’ll never know.

Next: stability and money are really, really, really nice. I’m 100 times happier now than I was when I was doing odd jobs to support my “art”. Not saying you would necessarily be. Maybe you really dig ramen noodles, one bedroom apartments and not saving for retirement. Wasn’t for me.

Oh, and one more thing: I’m not sure where I said that age made a difference or that you had to have a “schedule”. Seems like you’re arguing with something I never said.

]]>By: Plutogirlhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/#comment-748672
Mon, 25 Mar 2013 03:38:16 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-748672One person’s meat is another person’s poison. I personally would NEVER give up on my passions, no matter how long I’ve been pursuing them. I’ve been acting my whole life, and giving that up would make me the walking dead. I would be an empty shell, just waiting to die. I don’t want the freaking steady paycheck. I would go mad just one day in the 9-5 world. So what if I never have material things. I’m doing what I love, and that’s all that matters to me. Also, not everyone has to live their lives according to a schedule. Some 60 year olds have as much energy as 22 year olds (my parents are both examples). Why should a 60 or 40 year old have to go for “stability” and “complicated” just because they’ve seen a few more orbits around the Sun? Age has never meant a thing to me; I’m exactly the same person I was 25 years ago, and I’ll be the same at 98.
]]>By: Rosehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/#comment-748455
Sun, 24 Mar 2013 21:56:42 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-748455Infatuation and lust vs Love and commitment Speed.
The first is based on surface level lust and brain chemistry and lust and fades with time.
The second is based on the heart and deepens with time.
For women want love and commitment and who want to avoid getting their hearts broken again by becoming hormonally bonded by Oxycontin to someone and something that more than likely is going to frizzle out and it is based on surface level chemically induced lust it is best to keep your knickers on and see if the later develops first before you risk bonding with someone who is wrong for you and most likely will stay around.
Only the individual woman knows what she wants and is looking for, Lust fling and high risk of broken heart. If this is a patter, then it obviously isn’t working for you.
Or love and commitment with the best value match for her.
As men don’t bond the same through Oxycontin,the risks are lower in the broken heart stakes.
Girlfriends be smart emotionally as well as intellectually. Sadly many intellectually smart women are not so smart when it comes to taking care of their hearts.
]]>By: Speedhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/#comment-748279
Sun, 24 Mar 2013 17:40:14 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-748279In my opinion, “passion” is overused and overvalued nowadays, and the reverse holds true for “commitment.” Passion is what you might feel on a first impression, first drive, first date, first day on the job, and so on. To my mind, “passion” means “energy, excitement, enthusiasm, fun.”
There’s nothing wrong with it but almost by definition, this kind of high emotion can’t last. A rookie becomes a veteran (soldier, lawyer, investor, shoe shiner, whatever) because they continue at something even when the fun is gone, even when they don’t want to. In short, commitment (or “devotion” or whatever term you want to use) is long-term and not fun or pleasant. This is why, as many people have written, it shouldn’t be entered into quickly or lightly.
Personally, I need someone who really shares my valuation of “commitment” over “passion.” It’s why I always skip over online profiles where the woman mentions “passion” two dozen times, as well as wanting a “partner in crime,” a “soulmate” someone to go on “non-stop adventures with” and so on.
I’m not being snarky when I state I hope those women find their passion matches. However, I’m looking for a slow-paced woman who can become a veteran with me.
]]>By: Rosehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/#comment-748139
Sun, 24 Mar 2013 13:57:40 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-748139In work in order to know if our desire is coming from and driven by good real healthy passion or detrimental unhealthy obsession.
Things to seek and tune into internally to ask are. Is my passion coming from my deep inner core and being driven by a natural passionate love and joy for this activity that I want to share with others and create something that will leave the world a better place not harming others.
Or is it coming from a surface level desire for gratification to fill a void, make me feel important an obsession to feel complete, to be admired, adored ,gain status feel powerful and validated from an external thing or others ignoring any harm I cause or facilitate others in doing to themselves. This is true in business and social relationships settings.
In relationships do I already feel happiness and love passionately wanting to connect and share my love with another who is wanting and feeling the same. So our passion and chemistry are in synch healthy and are a good match. I am love so I give off this vibe and attract someone else who is giving off this vibe. Love = Love = healthy loving relationship
Or am I obsessed in searching for that love from another person in order to feel complete and fill a void. I give off a empty vibe looking for someone else to fill me up, I attract the same. emptiness plus emptiness = emptiness. Still something missing. Doesn’t work. . And in some cases pain +pain = pain. Not good. Love is in you, in there not out there. So if you want happiness and love and to be in a happy loving relationship, first you have to be love and happiness to attract the same back.
]]>By: Rosehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/#comment-747353
Sat, 23 Mar 2013 15:54:20 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-747353I hear what you are saying Evan and get what you are saying Evan true inner core passion for something comes from a deeper place that just liking something.
It is more like a calling. It is part of who someone is on a deep level. Not oh I like watching films so I have a passion for films. It’s different. I hear what you are saying though.
]]>By: Karmic Equationhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/#comment-746673
Fri, 22 Mar 2013 20:56:12 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-746673I have a passion for singing. I’m not bad. But even if I took voice lessons, I’m only going to be “not bad” or maybe even “pretty good” at best. Because even if I practiced singing 8hrs/day, 7 days/week, I’ll never be an American Idol. I don’t have the gift of a great voice.

I also have a passion to shoot pool. But this passion, if I do practice 8hrs/day, 7 days/week, I think I can get pretty good. And if I practiced that much, I might actually be able to go pro. This passion I can succeed in because hard work does pay off when applied to this passion.

But my passion for pool–since I can’t play 8hrs/day, 7 days/week–I’ll only be better than average and can never go pro, since I want to keep taking home a paycheck from my work-to-live job. Yet if I were willing to give up my job so that I could practice every day all week all year, I might be able to succeed at this passion and achieve my dream, but it requires a huge sacrifice.

In contrast, my passion for singing gives me personal/emotional satisfaction. And it doesn’t require any sacrifice to be “pretty good”. And just the act of singing feels good and gives me satisfaction. So I’m not going to give that up.

But do I have enough passion to follow my dream of becoming a pool pro, which requires a big sacrifice? No paycheck, lots of table time.

The fortunate thing is that I don’t have to give up singing so that I can play pool. I can do both as they’re not mutually exclusive.

I think our passion for our partners can be analogized to a singing passion; and our passion at working on ourselves to a pool passion. Those two passions are also not mutually exclusive.

Enjoying the feeling of passion for our partners is easy and feels good. We don’t want to give that up (maybe even when we’re bad singers lol). But when the rubber meets the road and one has to “work at” being our best selves: secure, accepting, uncontrolling, positive, happy–All the qualities that make us easy to love–most people are often unwilling to put in the “table time” and consider the sacrifice too great or the ROI too small.

To relate back to the passions that Evan and Scott Adams are talking about passion…

I think there are passions that make you feel good when you’re doing them and passions whose *achievement* makes you feel good when you realize them. In life they’re often unrelated. But if you analogize them to love of others and love of yourself, you can have both, as long as you’re willing to do the work for the passion that requires it: the achievable one which requires hard work.

Loving others is easy, too easy sometimes. But becoming someone who is easy to love? That takes work.

]]>By: Caseyhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/#comment-746425
Fri, 22 Mar 2013 14:20:06 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-746425It’s ironic how Theresa’s comment perfectly demonstrates what Evan wrote about … the person who believes that because something was true for her, it must be true universally.
I don’t think passion is unimportant in love or marriage. In fact, I think it’s a necessity. However, I believe there are two kinds of passion: the dangerous kind, which causes people to do nonsensical things without thinking through the potential consequences, and the kind that is developed for a relationship or a pursuit that adds value to one’s life. The latter, in my humble opinion, is the one that is necessary for a successful marriage, career, or any other lifelong process.
Sure, there are lucky people who experience love at first sight with someone who is a great practical match for them, as well. But I don’t think that’s how “happily ever after” begins for most couples. The day-to-day of marriage is more pragmatic than romantic, so it makes sense that a person would follow a more reasoned approach to finding and choosing a spouse than assuming that it’s not meant to be if you don’t completely lose your head over someone right away.
]]>By: sarahrahrah!http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/#comment-746413
Fri, 22 Mar 2013 13:51:42 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-746413@ EMK

If it makes you feel any better, you appear to be better looking than Judd Apatow. 🙂

@ Henriette – 17

Love the analogy of jamming your radar! When I find that happening to me, I remember that scene in the musical Fiddler on the Roof where Tevye asks Golda “Do You Love Me?” and she answers him indirectly by naming all the things she does for him. When I saw this scene when I was young, I thought she didn’t love him. When I saw it as a teen, I thought she was very unromantic. Now, as an adult, I think that she had a great sense of humor! Anyway… I think about this in relationships where the passion is high. Where is the evidence of his love? If it is love, there will be evidence. If not, maybe it’s just passion.
]]>By: morganhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/#comment-746319
Fri, 22 Mar 2013 11:20:46 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-746319What an excellent means to demonstrate a great truth of relationships. Clever Evan. Clever Scott.
Helen @12 ‘ad hominem’ I do love a dash of Latin, nice one. Had to look it up though.
]]>By: Rosehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/#comment-746312
Fri, 22 Mar 2013 11:08:53 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-746312“In other words, sometimes giving up on your original passion is the key to opening up to true happiness.”
mean’t to say“In other words, sometimes giving up on your original passion is the key to opening up to true happiness.”

If I replace the word passion with obsession.
I agree.
Real true healthy passion that comes from within and is driven from a place of joy and a want of leaving the world a better place is great.
Unhealthy misguided passion i.e obsession that comes from a desire to be admired and adored is not so great and will not bring inner peace joy and happiness.

]]>By: Ginahttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/#comment-746241
Fri, 22 Mar 2013 09:08:20 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-746241Every now and then I will pop in and read this blog. As usual, Evan’s comments are very enlightening. Ever since I can remember, I have heard people talk about how following one’s passion will lead to success. In reality, I have known people who have followed their passion (of the moment) and it lead them to financial (or emotional) ruin.
Keep up the good work Evan.
]]>By: Henriettehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/#comment-746092
Fri, 22 Mar 2013 05:58:03 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-746092Well, dear Evan, you asked in a recent blog that those of us who agree with you speak up more often so here I am, shouting YES to this post.

Passion:

is a wonderful basis for love songs and romance novels but has little to do with whether a man has what it takes to create and maintain happy, healthy and ’til-death-do-us-part relationship with me.
makes me want to run in the other direction bc I know it messes with both my head and heart. I generally have sound instincts but passion jams my radar and I find myself suddenly unable to get an accurate “read” on a person or situation.
might or (far less likely) mightn’t fade but character, basic compatibility and strong communication skills tend to remain stable over time.

The only issue I have with this is is that there seem to be many men looking for a romance that combines a Leonard Cohen song with The Notebook with a Shakespeare sonnet (why is it that women are the sex which gets saddled with reputation for silly romanticism?) I’m losing hope that I’ll find a guy who believes as we do about the relative unimportance of passion.

]]>By: Rosehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/#comment-745929
Fri, 22 Mar 2013 02:26:24 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-745929“You often hear advice from successful people that you should “Follow your passion.” That sounds about right. Passion will presumably give you high energy, high resistance to rejection and high determination. Passionate people are more persuasive, too. Those are all good things, right?”
Well, as you know from reading this space, there’s a downside to passion, too. Passion allows you to pursue something (or someone) that may not be good for you in the long run. But at least you have your PASSION, right?”
I love what you have to say here and really want to explore this. I totally agree with this for me though being pedantic the I’m not sure about the word passion I totally agree and get what you are saying to me the word obsession comes to mind The first coming from the place of a strong sense of identity and the latter coming from a weak sense of identity.
“Every blue moon, I’ll get an email from a reader who “just knew” that her man was her “soulmate” because they had “electric chemistry” and “immediately slept together”, and here they are, 35 years later, and they’re still just as “passionate as they were the day they met”.
This is great how wonderful but so very rare and this to me is for people who’s electric chemistry is working properly. Properly tuned in. Coming from a fully conscious place.
Sadly for most of us this just isn’t the case.
Which brings me again to totally agreeing with what you wrote below.

“Sometimes giving up on your original passion is the key to opening up to true happiness.” If I replace the word passion for obsession.

“This becomes the argument for following your passion. While littered at the side of the road are the THOUSANDS of people whose passionate relationships ended in tears, devastation, confusion, and frustration, causing years and years of heartbreak.”
Again totally agree and it makes me feel sad in my heart that this is happening. I don’t think they are sad when I say this, I feel sad for these peoples real suffering it feels awful.
And this I believe is because their electric chemistry is broken. They believe this suffering is love, it is not real love like in the e mail you get once in a blue moon. it is pain. They have love and pain mixed up. This is when people stay with someone who is not good for them and call it love This is like stocknome syndrome.
For the people who rely on this who it hasn’t worked for they are different. this immediate ‘chemistry’ is not working for them hasn’t worked for them If it had they would not be here Evan.
I think it is great when you say dump them if they are unhappy.Sadly for most they are truly not able to do that until they have had some help to get to a conscious state to be able to do that rather than acting in a subconscious way and staying in an unhappy relationship Like an alcoholic in most cases is not just able to STOP drinking and first has to realize there is a problem, secondly have the desire to want to stop and then get the help to enable them. Which would be AA.
With the people with faulty electric chemistry which is most of us I believe to get help to be able to consciously chose something different and better for us 12 step co dependency helps, along with other help and support . Like the alcohol is an addiction this electric chemistry and obsession (passion) is an addiction and neither do us any good.

“In other words, sometimes giving up on your original passion is the key to opening up to true happiness.”
I agree.

]]>By: marymaryhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/#comment-745777
Thu, 21 Mar 2013 22:53:42 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-745777Monica, 12
I disagree. This blog is one of the liveliest I’ve come across, with all kinds of opinions and Evans allows lots of dissenting comments. Insults aren’t permitted and that’s absolutely right. It’s not a free for all. A blog isn’t an open invitation to be insulted anonymously. Think of it like a houseparty. If you don’t like the host, don’t respect his wife, hate the music, are allergic to the food, and loathe the other guests you can always go home. Or set up your own blog. If you have one, can we all come over and insult you?
Helen, 8
I do yell at the tv but evidently they can’t hear me
Regarding passion, when I met my current boyfriend he made no impression on me. I didn’t instantly know he was the one. No sizzling chemistry. He grew on me and I now love him and find him very desirable. I wouldn’t trade him for any of my previous high octane encounters. I enjoy being with him and he says he is always happy when he is with me. Settling’s not so bad. Rather, I feel like I’ve hit the jackpot. I think he’s a better person than me to be honest.
No one is saying date someone you don’t like who bores you, but give that man or woman who seems a decent person but not amazing, and not your usual type, a chance. Not for their benefit, for ours.
]]>By: Helenhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/#comment-745752
Thu, 21 Mar 2013 22:25:38 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-745752Monica 12: it would depend on the type of criticism commenters made against Evan, no? If it is constructive criticism, and focuses on the content rather than making ad hominem attacks against Evan, I’m certain he usually if not always lets it through. But calling someone silly, unattractive, and juvenile (as it seems was done here) is inappropriate, and serves no good purpose either to Evan or to the readers.
]]>By: Hollyhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/#comment-745744
Thu, 21 Mar 2013 22:15:17 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-745744Monica…Evan doesn’t delete comments of those people who disagree with him respectfully. Personal attacks/insults are against the rules as he has clearly stated on his blog, and I believe he deletes these inappropriate comments whether they are directed towards him or another commentor.
A lot of bloggers delete these type of comments, and I for one am thankful. There is no reason to personally attack another person and/or their character.
]]>By: Monicahttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/#comment-745716
Thu, 21 Mar 2013 21:24:49 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-745716
I agree with the first poster—passion is extremely important, perhaps the most important thing in life. And one learns that it must be tempered with reason.

I think it is quite wrong of EMK to delete what criticisms people may have of his advice. One cannot have a blog and be sensitive about disagreement.

]]>By: Rosehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/#comment-745620
Thu, 21 Mar 2013 19:30:31 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-745620I love this post and feel in agreement on so many levels here.
]]>By: Goldiehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/is-following-your-passion-really-the-best-way-to-find-love/#comment-745559
Thu, 21 Mar 2013 18:46:35 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=13244#comment-745559One thing I can say is, if Scott Adams was a total non-believer in following one’s passion, he’d still be in that desk job at Pacific Bell. How come he quit it and doesn’t plan on going back? I’m not saying that what you do for a living has to give you orgasms every day you do it, for 8 hours a day, but not hating your job really helps. Enjoying what you do helps even more. Every one of my colleagues who’s had any level of success in their careers, enjoy what they’re doing. Same thing in relationships. You don’t have to be head over heels for a guy, but liking him really helps. Plus, from my experience, the guy seems to prefer it that you like him, and tends to break up with you if he thinks you don’t. Can’t say I blame him.
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