Hampton Subway Newsletter Week of Mar 3–9, 2013

March 5, 2013 by Dan Rattiner

Riders this past week: 9,411

Rider miles this past week: 80,644

DOWN IN THE TUBE

Itzhak Perlman and his wife were seen on the Hampton Subway out of Bridgehampton heading for SagHarbor (and then on to ShelterIsland.) JackNicholson was spotted reading a script on the subway between Westhampton and Quogue.

SISTER SUBWAY CARD PROBLEMS

Those with Hampton Subway cards who were told by employees of the subway that they could be used in the New York SubwaySystem were given wrong information. The arrangement to have their cards work here and our cards work there was still on the drawing boards when this advice was given. Indeed, perhaps as a result of this, although we are not sure, Mayor Bloomberg has withdrawn from the negotiations that might have made this become a reality so it is now likely never going to happen. All Hampton Subway passengers who are currently in jail in Manhattan after being arrested for using our cards there should call our office in Hampton Bays for bail money. Operators are standing by.

SUBWAY RESCUE STRAPS USED

As mentioned several weeks ago, heavy straps have been attached to pillars at both the eastern and western ends of all platforms so that if someone were to try to push you onto the tracks, you could reach for them and prevent them from doing so. Alternately, you could wrap a strap around your waist while waiting for a train to arrive. They attach just like a seatbelt.

Last week, the straps were used in HamptonBays when someone tried to push somebody in front of a train. They held firm and the man who tried to do this was quickly subdued and arrested by fellow passengers and the subway police who heard the intended victim’s cries. The person arrested turned out to be FrankQuibin, an Undercover Subway Security employee who was acting on instructions from SubwaySecurityManager Fred Instagramm, who had asked him to go out there and try to see if the straps would do their job in such a crisis. Quibin was not charged with any crime. Instagram is going to be taking
early retirement.

FRONT CAR HEADDRESSES

Our new PublicRelations Director, William Exacto Olivero, has launched a new program he expects all subway users will be talking about. There are five trains in service on the system at any one time. At the front of the lead car of one of these trains, all day, Olivero has arranged for large bonnets and famous faces to be attached above the cowcatcher and below the big headlight to remind passengers of the next upcoming holiday. At the present time, the headdress (as it is called) used for President’s Day—Abraham Lincoln—is being removed to be replaced by the headdress of an Irish elf to remind people that St. Patrick’s Day is coming up on March 17.

Keep in mind that the train with the headdress on the front is on only one of the five trains in service, so your chances of seeing one are only 20%, but keep looking up the tracks at the incoming trains and surely you will see one coming in. We’re told the kiddies love this.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE

William Exacto Olivero has come to us from the Toronto SubwaySystem, where he worked as an assistant public relations director for many years. He is our 13th PRdirector in the last eight years. His claim to fame is that his grandfather invented the X-Actoknife. If you see him walking around, a man with a bald head and a handlebar moustache, give him a smile and wave hello.