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Sunday, January 1, 2017

I feel that we, as a generation, have reached a stage where we blindly, unaware follow trends; popular ones. We start keeping up with things and issues and topics that are "hype" and "lit" and without even noticing we start imitating those followers. Not necessarily because we ARE followers but because it sends this vibe, this urge for the need to be amongst this set of people or these groupies.
It makes us reach a point where we don't even know anymore if we really like certain things because we do or because everyone does or because it's actually pretty good to like. This is probably why tons, thousands, billions of kids my age (even thou I am 22 and technically not a kid anymore but we sort of still are kids) are going through identity loss crisis.
They don't know who they're anymore, what they like, what they don't, what are their talents, why is this their hobby and other "wtf I'm doing this" problems.
Everyone loves art, everyone has a tumblr account, everyone has at least 10 black and white selfies, everyone can write a set of words glued next to each other and call himself a poet, everyone can paint a naked girl smoking and call himself an artist, yadayadayadayada. Don't get me wrong, I have absolutely nothing against anyone who does anything of what I've previously mentioned, I myself am involved in pretty much most of them, but my point is that we've all lost it.
We don't know anything anymore. We've lost ourselves; the most precious we own. We're living in our imaginary little world, the parallel universe, the hip indie bubble of popularity.
We care about what we like, which trend we follow, which group to become a member at, what music we listen to, what art we look at and we care so very much about showing it to the world. "Look! I am just like you. Cool and hipster and trendy and aesthetic. Love me."
Again, not that there's anything wrong with that as long as you're aware of it. As long as you really are doing this out of your own willingness. As long as you deep deep deep deep down know that this is you, not the version of you that you want to become.
I don't know who I'm anymore or what I'm doing.

Thursday, January 29, 2015

You're in this mood where everything just easily makes you cry.
You're so fragile that even a happy moment will make you sob.
You want to read your favorite book but too afraid it will put more salt on open wounds.
You want to listen to songs but they remind you of things.
Things that aren't necessarily sad; they're just memories.
Memories you keep thinking about every second of the day,
memories you can't fathom to forget,
memories that have become a part of your being,
you can't cut out a hand because it isn't used as much, right?
You begin to do things you hate which again makes you cry
you begin to sniff his old ragged shirts which you hated,
his favorite cologne that you despised,
eat cheesecake that made you sick,
put mayonnaise on fries which never made sense,
drink although you know the horrible hangover you get afterwards,
stay up late when you have work next morning,
going to work looking like an absolute shit,
touching that one spot on the back of your hand that he kept rubbing until it went sore,
wearing the dress you wore on the day you two met,
smoking when you're allergic to cigarettes,
drinking ice-tea when you're an iced-coffee person,
crying because you can't help it,
crying because it's the only thing you're capable of doing.
You wish you can forget all these memories but you can't,
no matter how much you wanted, no matter how much you tried, no matter how much you planed on forgetting,
they'll always remain a part of your being.
But memories will remain memories because he's not here anymore,
and you're not the same,
because that's life.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

So, I week ago I became finally 20 (not really that of an exciting event) but of course as we age there are some things we discover whether it's about ourselves or random things around us and I can pretty much say that I'm glad I discovered those things through the years.

I made a list of 20 things I've come to know before getting to the -2- on the left side age & voila!

I'm way stronger than I ever thought I'm and that makes me extremely ecstatic

People are not that bad but they kinda are (figure it out yourselves)

Shoving the truth in the face is the way to get things done 'trust me on this one'

Telling you to "shove your useless piece of crap opinion anywhere you'd like" is the ultimate way to end an irritating conversation

Me & microbuses, mini buses, buses in general, metro & taxis made a truce and promised to bear each-other for what's left of years during college

I read ridiculous amount of books (well, to me they're a lot at least) the past couple of years and it's a HUGE thing for me so yay Reem *high fiving self*

Some places in Cairo are not that bad for an afternoon walk (ah wallahe begad)

Writing is how I untangle this tumbleweed of complicated thoughts inside my brain

Each year I'm growing a bigger crush on Ramos and I don't think i can handle it anymore (if you don't know Ramos then you don't know me)

I've a good amount of hidden talents that just need the opportunity to unleash

I need to try harder to get what I want

I'm never satisfied WHAT-SO-EVER by anything i do and i don't know what to do about it (if anyone got an answer feel free to leave it)

Whether I get fatter or lose weight i'm still the same size *high fiving self awy ba2a*

Without my iPod I'd have never survived the past 2 years

Taking life too seriously can & will cause you brain damage

Living alone for quite a time is a whole other experience you should have

Was an incredibly nerve-racking year for me that I'm thankful I got through safe & sound, one piece as I am

I hope this will be the start of a better chapter in my life that's hopefully fresher and brighter

Being 20 is nothing to brag about tbh, I certainly don't feel older, I certainly don't look older and most certainly don't act older; with time comes realization and i always thought of my brain older than my age but know that I'm actually THAT age i do feel teenagery inside + nothing happens when you're 20, it's B O R I N G!