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Wednesday, March 21, 2012

To You is the return (of all)

Umrah was an amazing experience.
i would love to go there again and again and again!
i'd love to go there with my (future) husband, and if Allah wills, my children, my grandchildren and so forth.

we went to Madinah first, my family and I, then we went to Makkah and lastly to Istanbul.

Madinah and Makkah was of course for the Umrah and Istanbul, for a short holiday =)

Masjid An Nabawi and Masjid Al Haram.. I miss these Masjids already..
the first time ever i felt so close to Nabi Muhammad SAW and Allah SWT.
the first time ever my heart beats in zikir.
the first time ever my brain resets itself from internet, social, and all the worldly desires, to only thinking of my relationship with Him.

i was scared. i takde la warak mana. i bukan nak cakap i pergi Umrah, i jadi gila warak sampai i can only think of Him.
i had so much thoughts and mostly, i had so much regrets and concerns.

i was embarrassed to be so close to Him and The Prophet Muhammad SAW.. remembering how i was and what i am now, i still find so many things about myself that are shameful. will i ever get His approval? what have i done to make Nabi Muhammad SAW proud of me being his follower?

i have so much to learn.
ilmu di dada, memang tak cukup. knowledge i gained from university and school days dissipates into nothingness when i looked at Kaabah.
to me, my knowledge in Islam is only as big as my little finger.
how can i not be embarrassed?

so when i was there, in these beautiful Masjids, when i saw Kaabah, i kept crying and crying.
Allah SWT blessed us with so many great amazing awesome things, and it's high time to contribute back.

at the age of 24 (soon to be 25), i am still in that identity-searching period.
i don't know if that's normal.
sometimes i just wish someone can just talk to me, point me to my direction and guide me through.
tapi, kalau it's that easy, then i won't have experiences to share kan?

that's why i kept crying when i was there.
that's why i only had Him in mind.

i felt something when watching your video.. and with you dah sampai sana?! only Allah know how you felt. Harap dapat jejak to all those places one day. InsyaAllah. anyway, thanks for sharing this on your blog

I recently went there! I landed in Madinah and stayed for 3 days before I set my foot to Makkah. It was a soul searching and heart cleansing journey for me :) I hope you'll grant a mabrur umrah, Maria!

Maria, Alhamdulillah you rasa 'sesuatu' when Kaabah was in front you. Not many person as young as you or even older than you akan menangis bila lihat Kaabah. Maknanya Allah telah buka pintu hati you untuk menjadi yang lebih baik. My experience during haji 1432 h/2011 last year was also the most amazing, I am among the youngest Malaysian performing hajj even though I am older by 6 years from you. Dan haji cabarannya lebih besar dan kenangannya sangat kuat. Would like to share my experience with you, jika sudi jemputlah baca, it's my Hajj diary, it was dedicated to the experience because I could'nt forget it..it such a memorable, unforgettable and life-changing experience. http://ijaie.blogspot.com

the author

in case you're wondering, no, there's nothing peliks about this blog. maybe a bit about the blogger, but that's for you to decide. and no, you don't have to tell me what you've decided. unless, you've decided to stay on and read on and on and on. then, well, thanks! oh, the name's Maria. Malaysian, young (at heart) and awesome by nature. bahahaa!