New Marketing Campaign: VISA takes Life!

In a surprising move, VISA has changed their marketing campaign from “Life Takes Visa” to “Visa Takes Life”. After an exhausting study of their account holders and their payment patterns, Visa believes that the “Visa Takes Life” slogan more accurately reflects the company’s actual focus.

In an interview conducted with Olova Themoney, senior marketing advisor of Visa’s brand management team, Olova explained the reason for the change. “I love the money. We at Visa can regularly charge interest rates over 29%. We can even adjust the interest rate higher if we see that the account holder is not paying on-time at another creditor. Even if the account holder is paying on time to all creditors, if we deem their level of credit to be higher risk, we can change the interest rate. I love the money. The great thing is that people try to complain, but our highly trained customer disservice team has developed an unpenetrable system that ensures that I never have to hear about it.”

Miss Themoney was asked how she could feel that any part of this activity was morally acceptable. She responded, “I love America! I love Americans! We put the American flag on many of our credit cards. To answer the moral issue – there is no moral issue! We are able to generate profits which allow us to take care of our families. Nothing different than any other American enterprise. The great thing is that we can increase the interest rates. The increased rates cause the balance owed to hit the credit limit, and that starts generating a whole new stream of revenue in over-the-credit-limit fees. This continues to increase the balanced owed. Eventually the person cannot pay on time and then we get to generate another important stream of revenue in late payment fees. The best thing of all this is that Americans will just go get another job to pay us! They will work overtime. They will not see their family. They will not be able to turn to anyone for money except for us! We have them as loyal customers for life. I think that it is incredible that we can have a customer for their entire life! We are marketing to children in middle schools now which enables us to have 60 and 70 year long customer relationships. How great is that?”

IT IS NOT GREAT! IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE! LIFE DOES NOT TAKE VISA! If you are not careful, VISA will take your life.

Do you have a life, or are you just spending all of your time desperately working to pay off your stinking VISA card? CHOP IT UP! DONE! FINISHED! NEVER AGAIN!