Agency hosts domestic violence training for men

Amanda Cuda

Updated 11:16 pm, Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Jason Sikorski discusses the problem of hypermasculinity during a 10x10 training session for men on becoming advocates against intimate partner violence at the Center for Family Justice in Bridgeport, Conn. on Tuesday, February 25, 2014.
Photo: Brian A. Pounds

Participants watch a video on the problem of hypermasculinity during a 10x10 training session for men on becoming advocates against intimate partner violence at the Center for Family Justice in Bridgeport, Conn. on Tuesday, February 25, 2014.
Photo: Brian A. Pounds

Fairfield Police Chief Gary McNamara addresses a 10x10 training session for men on becoming advocates against intimate partner violence at the Center for Family Justice in Bridgeport, Conn. on Tuesday, February 25, 2014.
Photo: Brian A. Pounds

More Information

10 by 10 campaignIf you're interested in getting involved with the 10 by 10 campaign, call 860-282-7899 or email training@ctcadv.org.

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BRIDGEPORT -- When an athlete wears a pink glove, it's usually to promote awareness of breast cancer.

But Fairfield Police Chief Gary McNamara recalled a story about such a glove being used for a different purpose -- to shame 8-year-old baseball players out of crying.

McNamara spoke Tuesday at the new Center for Family Justice in Bridgeport during a training session for the state's new 10 by 10 Campaign, which prepares men to be advocates against domestic violence.

The idea is that, if 10 men teach 10 more men about building healthy relationships and preventing domestic violence, the message will spread. Part of the training involves unraveling some of the cultural training men receive .

McNamara, who is chairman of the campaign, offered the Little League story as an example.

He said several 8-year-old players on a team would cry after a bad turn at bat. To stop the crying, a coach told the boys that anyone who cried would be forced to wear a pink glove for the rest of the game. As a warning, a pink glove was displayed over the dugout during the next game.

"Needless to say, no one cried," McNamara said.

The story shows the stigma society attaches to men and boys who show any kind of emotion. After years of reinforcement, McNamara said, males develop skewed ideas about masculinity, which can lead to violent behavior. Reversing those ideas takes time, he said, but the price of not changing is even costlier.

Over the past decade, Connecticut has averaged 15 homicides a year stemming from intimate-partner violence. In 2012 alone, more than 56,000 victims came through the doors of the state's 18 domestic-violence agencies, including 2,000 people seeking safety in their emergency shelters.

The 10 by 10 campaign was launched by the Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence, the agency that oversees the majority of domestic violence and sexual assault crisis centers in the state.

Training men to go out and educate other men and boys about domestic violence was one of the provisions of the coalition's statewide prevention plan released last October.

Linda Blozie, coalition training and prevention coordinator said the 10 by 10 Campaign works to empower the roughly 97 percent of men who don't engage in intimate partner violence to change the mindset of those who might.

Participants heard a presentation by Jason Sikorski, an associate professor of Central Connecticut State University's department of psychological science. As part of his job, Sikorski does mandatory training with student-athletes to address such topics as violence against women and the misconceptions society has about masculinity.

He said many colleges offering sexual-assault prevention training teach women how to avoid situations. That's fine, Sikorski said, but there's seldom training offered to men to reject violent behavior.

"Never have I heard of any other major public health problem that is treated like this one -- where the solution is to avoid it," he said.

Sikorski said a significant number of men engage in"hypermasculinity."

Hypermasculine men often use violence as a way to express their manhood, and display a callous attitude toward women and sexuality. "Masculinity is a great thing. It's about honor. It's about looking out for other people. Hypermasculinity is not any of those things," he said.

For instance, Sikorski said, many men who treat women badly would be appalled if someone exhibited the same behavior toward their mothers or sisters.

Changing the culture around men and masculinity is difficult, but it can be done with patience and perseverance, Sikorski said.