Does Getting Into Shape Change Your Relationships

MANDY
This is more of a personal question, and—the next two are, actually—and you and I have discussed this before via Skype, and if you just hear that noise in the background, that’s my Labrador snoring, so I’m really sorry about that.

JOEY
It wasn’t me.

MANDY
It wasn’t me, either. So you know, what do you say to women who are afraid to start working on transforming their lower bodies or their bodies in general and looking after themselves, you know, because they’re afraid that they’re going to fail in their efforts and why is it, in your experience, that so many women just automatically presume that they’ll fail?

JOEY
This is big, and this is actually really, really important, no matter where you’re at, what you’ve been through, and where you’re trying to go. I want to word this properly so people get it. Because there are so many different options out there that the average woman has already tried, the average woman gets – reaches a point, and sometimes it’s consciously and sometimes it’s subconsciously, where she feels that nothing’s going to work. There is no hope for her, right? So why would she want to try something else again, something new, something different, that is further going to prove that she will never get the results she’s looking for, okay? So if she doesn’t try that next option, then she doesn’t have to worry about failing again for good, and so she avoids that ultimate pain, okay? Like she could still hang on to hope because she hasn’t proven to herself, once and for all, that she will never get the results she’s looking for. So she never – so she may be onto something good, but she resists pulling the trigger to take that chance because she doesn’t want to prove herself wrong once and for all and realize that she has reached her final destination and she’s never going to get better. It’s only going to get worse. Make sense?

MANDY
Yeah, definitely, and following on from that, and I’m sort of adding this extra question on here. This is unspoken about really when it comes to why women may not feel comfortable getting into shape and transforming their lower bodies. It’s their concerns or anxiety about how getting into shape will change their relationship. About their partners being jealous of them or not wanting to make their partners feel bad because their partners are out of shape. How it will impact their lifestyle, and in some cases, because their partners may not treat them very nicely they purposely choose not to get into shape just to spite them. It’s stopping them from achieving their fitness goals, and transforming their lower bodies. From your professional, point of view, what’s your take on this?

JOEY
All right, this is big. This is really big, and I guarantee that I don’t care who else you talk to, what other interview you listen to, you name it, you’re never going to hear this anywhere else, okay? But Mandy and I, we go back a long ways. We probably go back to when we both first came onto the internet and started doing this stuff. We connected, and we started talking about real shit. Pardon my French, but this is our passion. We want to help people, and so sometimes, we have to dig really, really deep to get to some real issues, okay?

And I’ve experienced this one-on-one with the people, online, you name it. It doesn’t matter. I’ve experienced this in all different arenas and I know you have to. This – it – there’s no age limit to this. This is women in their 20’s, 30’s, 60’s, 80’s, doesn’t’ matter where or when, okay? This goes beyond how many – what exercises should I do and what should I eat? This is many, many levels beyond that, okay? And there’s a couple different categories here. So we have – I have to think this through because I want to make sure we cover both sides of this. You have women – again, it doesn’t matter what age because age isn’t a factor here. This is more of a psychological. This is a state of mind, and this has to do with their relationship with their significant other, okay? You’ll have women who are ready to take control of their physical self and their health, okay? Now, that doesn’t’ mean that their mate or significant other or spouse is also ready to do the same or if they’re ready to accept the changes that their partner is going to be making, okay?

So, you have this woman who is ready, willing, and able to start making changes to her health and her physical body, and several things may come out of that, okay? The one most damaging is that her significant other or spouse is adversely affected by it, okay? He sees it as a threat, and I may not hit every example here, but let’s take this for example. Let’s say the guy wants to keep living an unfit lifestyle, lazy, doesn’t care to exercise, likes hanging out on the couch after work and eating crap, and likes having the big beer gut and likes being out of shape and getting further out of shape with every passing month and year, and now here, his woman is now going to turn her life around and start taking care of herself and get healthier and in better shape and looking good. You know, that’s a big, big change. It’s a big paradox for two people to be involved in.

MANDY
Yeah, it is, yep.

JOEY
Okay, so that woman, not only has to go through the challenge of changing her own life. Now she has to deal with how her significant other is going to react to that, okay? And for some people, it breaks them apart.

MANDY
Yeah, it does.

JOEY

They’re done, okay? And I’m not saying it’s bad. You know, I’m not going to get into my philosophical and spiritual side here because that’s a whole other ball of wax, a whole new ballgame, but if you’re path has taken you down a road that is making the most out of your life and maximizing your own personal potential and that’s making somebody else uncomfortable, uneasy, and in major disagreement with you, then that’s telling you something very clear and candid. That means you need to keep going down your path because you’ll find the people who are going to be in line with that, and that person needs to go along their own way and figure out what they’re going to do with themselves.

Okay, but before somebody gets to that point, it may be a very hard situation for them to cope with and to absorb and to process and to decide what they’re going to do. Some women at certain stages in their life, they throw in the towel. They don’t want to lose this man, okay, for insecurity reasons, so they decide to not get in shape and be healthy and just stay unhealthy and out of shape with this guy. Okay, that’s a simplification of the example, but it will shed light on the subject because I’ve coached and worked with women in that situation, okay?

Now, some women will decide you know what? I’m doing what’s best for my life, and if he doesn’t want to fall in line with it and realize he needs to be healthy, too, so that we can both share a similar lifestyle, then he can go live on the couch with his chips and beer, and that’s okay. I’ll leave him behind. That’s his choice, all right? Some women are strong enough to do that because they realize there’s something bigger and better waiting in the future for them, okay?

All right, now, that’s example one. The other example is there are women who decide not to take action because they do not want to give their significant other or their husband the pleasure of having a woman who’s in fantastic shape. They want to spite their partner and give them a woman who they’re tied to indefinitely in really bad shape. All right, now that can’t – now we’re getting to some – we’re getting into some serious crap here, okay? But we have to address it because it’s true and by us addressing it on this event may make some women realize that we’re calling them on their own crap, okay? And when your own crap is brought into light, then you either have to make a choice of dealing with it or leaving it as is and admitting you’re just living some BS, okay? These women – we got to go back to the source, here. Why would they spite their significant other or their spouse? Well, it’s because they’re in an unhappy relationship, okay? So okay. They’re in an unhappy relationship, and because of that, they’re not going to give this guy who they can’t stand, and I’m not saying who’s right or wrong, good or bad here. I have to speak from the woman’s perspective. Why would this woman and I’m sure there are guys listening to this because I know from the past there are. They’re going to get insights from this. Why would this woman, who cannot stand this guy, but she’s stuck with him, why would she give him a woman who’s in fantastic, sexy, hot shape? So instead of that, she’ll give him the opposite. She’ll let herself get way out of shape, unattractive, can’t wear a bathing suit, doesn’t feel good in a short dress. You name it. She’s going to give him the worst, right? So that she can make the relationship that much more miserable for him, but what’s really happening? What’s really happening is she’s sacrificing her own health, wellness, and happiness to spite some other guy in this world when in reality, if it’s not a good relationship, you need to cut ties, face the facts, get over your insecurities, realize that you’ll meet somebody else in the future, but you need to move on and take care of yourself and then the rest will follow in the future. Let this guy get on with his life and who knows? Maybe you’ll wake him up and he’ll go take care of himself, too.

MANDY
Yeah, and we’re not bagging women who are in this situation. We’re just addressing it because it’s something that needs to be discussed because it’s not often talked about.

JOEY
No, no, absolutely, no. This is – Mandy and I are talking about this in the most caring and supportive way. This is not – we’re not ripping on anybody. We’re not tearing you down. All we want to do is help, and the only way you’re going to get help is by us digging really deep and addressing issues that you’re not going to hear or see addressed anywhere else, and this may sound kind of tough. It may sound kind of harsh, but we know if there’s a thousand women listening to this that fall into this category, there’s going to be a certain percentage of them who wake up and realize wow. They’re not bullshitting me. I know what I need to do now, and I’m going to do it, and we do this because we know we’re going to help some people, and we hope it’s you if, in fact, you’re in this type of situation. Fitness is not just about what you see when you look in a mirror, how you look when you put the bathing suit on, or if somebody else gives you a compliment. This transcends all of that. This is like multidimensional. It touches every aspect of your life, not just the physical vanity part.

Nobody’s ever said to me after a really tough transition in life of improving themselves that they regretted the tough changes that had taken place because of that. They’ve all been extremely grateful, thankful. They can’t even put into the words sometimes what has come about because they’ve focused on taking care of themselves and let others make their own choices for themselves no matter how close to them they are, okay? And there’s a lot of power in that, and again, we can talk for a whole other seminar on this stuff, and I have lots to say on it personally myself, but just know that if you feel you’re going some way that may be leaving others behind but you feel in your heart of hearts it’s the absolute right thing, then you have to follow that feeling and know that what is – lays around in the corner – around the corner in the future is going to prove to you that you’ve made the right choices. Make sense, Mandy?

MANDY
Definitely, and I think, sometimes that you have to go through all those struggles to help you get through it because that’s your journey. You know what I mean? That’s going to help you get through the – get through to the other side.