Inappropriate Books for Kids (if you know what I mean)

The hilarious new kids’ book, Get the F**k to Sleep, has been getting a lot of press lately. And why not? It’s funny, its theme is universal, and it even scans. Some people might think the book is inappropriate, but they also likely believe it’s meant for children.

While on the subject of things that are inappropriate, my husband and I play this slightly twisted game with kids’ books. We’ve based it on one of the segments from Whose Line Is It Anyway?, entitled “If you know what I mean.”

If you don’t know what I mean, watch this clip. Even if you do know, watch this clip. It’s hilarious.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-BfQ7hJ6Po]

So basically, “If you know what I mean” predates its younger, slightly more modern cousin, “That’s what she said.”

Back to my husband and me. One evening a couple of years ago, we were putting away picture books that our twins had frisbeed around our living room. One of us opened a book to a random page, read a line, and followed it with if you know what I mean.

To illustrate this, moments ago I opened Doreen Cronin’s hilarious book, Giggle, Giggle, Quack to a random page. Here’s what it says, with the Whose Line Is It Anyway? addition:

“Bob had all the pigs washed in no time” (if you know what I mean).

Try to imagine two exhausted parents, sitting on their living room floor surrounded by dozens of kids’ books, reading to each other on a Saturday night and killing themselves laughing.

If opening a picture books seems like too much work, just read the title and add the Whose Line Is It Anyway? twist. Try these on for size.

There’s a Wocket in my Pocket (if you know what I mean)

Hop on Pop (if you know what I mean)

Pat the Bunny (if you know what I mean)

Sharks, and Other Creatures of the Deep (if you know what I mean)

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (if you know what I mean)

Now it’s your turn to play:

What titles of kids’ books are transformed with the addition of if you know what I mean?

Not relevant to titles per se, but there was a board book that went to the tune of Happy and You Know It. On each page you had to make the corresponding animal sound, i.e. ‘quack like a duck’. On the sheep page, one sheep was — kid you not — depicted mounting another. Happy and You Know It (if you know what I mean) 🙂

Random thought: You play the fortune cookie game, right? “Your past success will be overshadowed by your future success… IN BED.” or “Your everlasting patience will be rewarded sooner or later… IN BED.”

Loved this post! It makes me wish I still had little kids at home to read to. Umm… scratch that last comment! What was I thinking? Keep the humor intact. You’re going to need it for the ‘teen-angst-years’.

Ahahaha! We did this with Bob the Builder’s book of opposites and cracked up the whole way through, though we didn’t think to add your great line. I just read the book out loud with a certain “look.” Our toddlers watched us laughing like crazy and looked back at the book like, “What the…?”

“Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus” “Weekend At Wendell’s” “Lilly’s Purple Plastic Purse” “What Will You Wear, Jesse Bear?” “Better Not Get Wet, Jesse Bear!” (my mother ran to get this book to show me…ah hah) lines from a Clifford book that we had on hand: “…and landed in the whipped cream!” “My aunt found him in the bake shop.” “Then he ran through the pies!”

This reminds me of my favourite game to play in church. Add “in the shower” to the end of any hymn. Try it sometime.

Here are a few of my favorites lying a’boat (for the Canadian contingent): Why Strangers Have the Best Candy (if you know what I mean) The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy (if you know what I mean) Eggs, Toilet Paper, and a Light Bulb (if you know what I mean) …and one of mom’s top picks: Let Daddy Plug it in the Outlet (if you know what I mean)

Okay, Whose Line is It Anyway was the funniest show. Ever. I miss it so much. There is nothing better than Colin and Ryan playing off each other (if you know what I mean). Except perhaps when Chip and Wayne joined in for Greatest Hits…

The predecessor to that for us old farts was “Nudge, nudge…wink, wink!” from Monty Python.

How about “Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel” (if you know what I mean)?

Drew Carey has a new show on the Game Show Network called “Drew Carey’s Improv-A-Ganza.” It features many of the alumni of “Whose Line”, including Ryan Stiles and Colin Mochrie. It comes on at 8 p.m. Eastern time every weekday.

You’re my favorite (if you know what I mean): Google just helped me. Here’s what I gots initially. From least to most fab.

Guess How Much I Love You (if you know what I mean) Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do you see? (if you know what I mean) The True Story of the Three Little Pigs (if you know what I mean) Are You My Mother? (if you know what I mean)

Robert Munsch is my favourite kids’ author.. and his collection has just taken on a whole new meaning: Murmel Murmel Murmel (If you know what I mean) I Have to Go! ((If you know what I mean) Something Good (If you know what I mean) Good Families Don’t (If you know what I mean) Show and Tell (If you know what I mean) A Promise is a Promise (If you know what I mean) Get me Another One (If you know what I mean) Get out of Bed (If you know what I mean) Wait and See (If you know what I mean) We Share Everything! (If you know what I mean) Mmm, Cookies (If you know what I mean) Up, Up, down, (If you know what I mean) I’m So Embarrassed (If you know what I mean) No Clean clothes (If you know what I mean) Just One Goal (If you know what I mean) Look at me (If you know what I mean) Down the Drain (If you know what I mean) oh dear… but if any one suggests “I’ll Love You Forever” as fodder for this game – I’ll chew your toes off (IYKWIM). That book is sacred! 🙂

I saw this when you first posted, and I just knew you’d get a billion, skillion hilarious responses. Why? Because bloggers are creative. And because we are perverts. All of us. So here’s my addition. I don’t’t think anyone listed these.

Harold and the Purple Crayon (if you know what I mean) No, David! (And by no I mean yes, David… if you know what I mean, David…) Chicka Chicka Boom Boom (if you know what I mean) In The Night Kitchen (on the floor… if you know what I mean) Open the Barn Door. (‘Nuf said.)

“A Kiss for a Blow” is actually an American book from 1842…the subtitle is “A Collection of Stories for Children Showing Them How to Prevent Quarreling”…much more prevocative without the subtitle, don’t you think?

These are hilarious. I spat out chicken. May I add: Tub Boo Boo (if you know what I mean) and suggest that it gets even creepier if you go up to middle grade fiction, like Nancy Drew: The Secret At Shadow Ranch (if you know what I mean) The Hidden Staircase (if you know what I mean) The Bungalow Mystery (if you know what I mean)

This is cracking me up! I went immediatly for the Sandra Boynton titles, as well, and Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, but my youngest daughter’s favorite was “I Want to Sleep in Your Bed” and you don’t even need to add, “if you know what I mean” for that one to be inappropriate!

Oh, my goodness! The “fluff your garfield” episode has got to be my all-time favorite “Whose Line?” episode!!!! Seriously. The way they continued to play out that joke the entire rest of the show? Classic! Anyway. On to naughty book titles. Here are some of the books my son has been reading lately:

Toy Story . . . if you know what I meanLittle Lamb’s Big Scare (and the Shepherd’s Great Care) . . . if you know what I meanThe Biggest Snowman Ever . . . if you know what I meanThe 100-Pound Problem . . . if you know what I meanBubble Trouble . . . if you know what I meanGus Makes a Gift . . . if you know what I meanBuried in the Backyard . . . if you know what I mean

Ha! Okay, I think this one will be funny, then weird. We have a special book in our family that was passed down from my mother, to me, and now to my daughter. I’m not sure I can read it again without it having a whole new meaning…