Dead Presidents Battle Monsters in The Undead States of America

UPDATE:As you may have guessed by the publication date, The Undead States of America is an April Fools’ Day gag and not a real game. But if any developers out there in the great, wide world are interested in turning it into a real game, I’d love to hear about it.

The original article begins here:

With the continued success of Call of Duty: Black Ops and the recent release of new maps for the game’s online multiplayer, Activision has discovered the joy of American history. They’ve also realized that everything is better with zombies. And it looks like that trend will continue next year.

Warp Zoned has learned, from a source close to the development team, that the publisher has acquired the rights to create a game adaptation of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. The game will be released alongside the novel’s film adaptation, which is currently on track for a June 22, 2012 opening. We’ve also learned the game will feature more than President Lincoln’s battle with the bloodsuckers in the 1800s.

The current working title of the game is The Undead States of America and Honest Abe’s story will be just one of seven chapters, covering multiple eras in US history, that will appear in the game. It is also, in a small way, a retelling of some of the publisher’s best moments in gaming.

The Undead States of America promises to tell the secret history of America’s 250-year battle with things that go bump in the night, our source informed us. “The game opens in 1760, a few days shy of Benjamin Franklin’s famous kite experiment,” he said. In “The Fulgurian Key of the Old Ones,” the truth can finally be revealed. The key was actually a conduit for the power of Zeus himself and Franklin channeled the lightning to battle a Cthulhu-like eldritch abomination.

After Franklin’s victory, the action shifts to January 1, 1776 and the burning of Norfolk. History says that the attack was spearheaded by Lord Dunmore, but the reality is that demonic pirates set fire to the docks. The pirates are opposed by one man as “George Washington and the Witch Pirates of the High Seas” turns the game into a stealthy search for Jebediah the Pirate King.

The game’s third chapter will be familiar to anyone who has read Seth Grahame-Smith’s book (and basis of the upcoming film), “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.” The chapter will include selections from Lincoln’s private war that took place from 1820 (when he was just 11 years old) until his assassination in 1865. “We’re hoping to get Benjamin Walker [Lincoln’s actor] to voice Honest Abe,” our source added, “But we’ve also spoken to Nolan North.”

Another jump in time occurs at the start of “The Untold Story of Teddy Roosevelt and the Werewolf Game Trails.” This chapter takes place in 1909 during Roosevelt’s famous African Safari. But rather than hunt big game on the Serengeti, he secretly returned to America to hunt werewolves in Texas and Arizona. The other Roosevelt takes center stage during chapter five in “FDR vs Mecha-Hitler.” In the secret history of the US, the 32nd president’s wheelchair hid a bio-mechanical suit that returned the use of his legs. He used this newfound supersuit to bring the battle directly to Der Fuehrer (who was, of course, the final boss in the Activision-published Wolfenstein games).

Fans of Black Ops can guess what the game’s sixth chapter will be. That’s right, our source tells us to prepare to fight the zombie hordes with JFK and Nixon again in “Night of the Living Reds.”

The game’s final chapter has yet to be finalized, but we do know it’ll take place in the 21st century. “Think something modern, something people today could relate to,” our source said. The team is batting around several different ideas, including a co-op section starring President Barack Obama and Sarah Palin, as well as considering a Glenn Beck and/or Jon Stewart cameo.

Ideally, an official announcement for The Undead States of America should be coming any day now.