Two nuns are walking down an alley at night.
Two guys jump out and start raping them.
The first nun looks to heaven and says,
"Forgive them Father, for they know not what
they're doing." The second nun looks up and
says, "This one does!"

One day a nun was fishing and caught a huge
fish for supper. A man was walking by and
said "Wow what a goddamn fish!"
The sister said "Sir you shouldn't talk to
me like that: I'm a nun", and the man said
"But that's the name of it: a goddamn fish".
So the sister took the fish back to the
rectory and said "Mother superior, look at
the goddamn fish I caught."
The mother superior said "Sister, you shouldn't
talk like that!"
and the sister said "But mother superior,
that's the name of it: a goddamn fish".
So the mother superior said "Well give me
the goddamn fish and I'll clean it."
While she was cleaning the fish the monsignor
walked in and she said "Monsignor look at
the goddamn fish that the sister caught."
The monsignor said "Mother superior you
shouldn't talk like that!", and the mother
superior said "But that's the name of it:
a goddamn fish".
So the monsignor said "Well give me the
goddamn fish and I'll cook it".
That evening at supper there was a new
priest at the table, and he said "Wow what
a nice fish".
And the sister said "I caught the goddamn fish."
And mother superior said "I cleaned the
goddamn fish". And the monsignor said
"I cooked the goddamn fish". And the new
priest said: "I like this fucking place already!"

A priest and pastor from the local parishes
are standing by the side of the road holding
up a sign that reads, "The End is Near! Turn
yourself around now before it's too late!"
They planned to hold up the sign to each
passing car.
"Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled
the first driver as he sped by.
From around the curve they heard screeching
tires and a big splash. "Do you think," said
one clergy to the other, "we should just put
up a sign that says 'Bridge Out' instead?"