What does it feel like to be...straight?

Gay guy here. I just CANNOT for the life of me find women sexually attractive. No matter how much I look at them, pictures, videos, real life, etc., I just can't find myself having a girlfriend/wife. ...I can't even jerk-off to women. For as long as I've known, I've only found men sexually attractive. There's no way else I can describe it.

I'm just asking how YOU, straight guys, can find it possible to like women. Don't be afraid to be specific either.

I really think most people are probably bisexual to some degree or another, and what they lean towards is based on preference and whatever environment they were raised in.

I would ask you, do you find group scene with a man and woman sexy? Do you find a man who has hormone replacement or something and big breasts but still a man where it counts attractive at all? What about someone all man but dresses semi feminine?

The point I am trying to get out is do you only find masculine men attractive? If so it is probably not just men that get you off, but the very masculine stereotypes that do. If not, and you find feminine men attractive, then why not woman with similar looks?

I bet you regardless of which it is, you can be tricked into finding a woman to be attractive, because they look like a man in some way. And if you can do that, you can probably find someone similar and without tricking you, still find that person attractive.

Gay guy here. I just CANNOT for the life of me find women sexually attractive. No matter how much I look at them, pictures, videos, real life, etc., I just can't find myself having a girlfriend/wife. ...I can't even jerk-off to women. For as long as I've known, I've only found men sexually attractive. There's no way else I can describe it.

I'm just asking how YOU, straight guys, can find it possible to like women. Don't be afraid to be specific either.

Girls are welcome to contribute, obviously.

It's a very hard question to answer for any sexual attraction. It's impossible to tell what exactly makes it happen. For heterosexuality, you can bring up evolutionary progression to explain why certain attributes are attractive to the heterosexual person. So the best thing you can do is come up with a list of attributes.

For heterosexuals, it would be (for some) something like large breasts, wide hips, long legs, youthful face, etc.
I'm guessing homosexuals have something similar, right?

For either one, it doesn't seem possible to answer why those attributes or the combination of attributes are attractive. You can name them, and state that you find them appealing, but explaining it seems impossible, just like explaining why blue is your favorite color, or why you really like the taste of ice cream. ("It's sweet and has a nice consistency" - "Yeah well, what do you like about sweetness and the consistency?" - "Well, I like sweet things." - "Why?")

If you can't see how hard the question is to answer, try to apply the same questions to your own sexuality. How is it possible to like men? In fact, you already did answer the question.

I think it's a weird question, and weirdly I've encountered it a lot. Most people here know of my odd sexuality, and I've even seen people from within that community asking a similar question. A lot of people seem to be unable to understand how other people can percieve things differently than they do. Whatever sexuality we have, if it isn't heterosexuality, then our brains fucked something up. It's not necessarily a bad thing, and since it's so subjective, it can't be "wrong" either. It's just different.

I find the easiest way to understand these differences is to compare it to color preferences, music taste and general taste. We all like different things. It's impossible to argue the tastes because they are 100% subjective and thus there is no right answer.

However, I would like to see an arbitrary list of attractive traits from the different sexualities. I mean, what does a dendrophile find attractive in trees?

Originally Posted by Alric

I bet you regardless of which it is, you can be tricked into finding a woman to be attractive, because they look like a man in some way. And if you can do that, you can probably find someone similar and without tricking you, still find that person attractive.

Well that seems a bit unfair to me. That's just because sexuality doesn't actually work in the way we seem to want it to. We want to place tags on everything and have our sexualities target those tags. Like homosexuality means that men are attractive. But that doesn't mean all mean are attractive. So that's not really what homosexuality means, rather, it means that you're attracted to some specific bundle of characteristics that could maybe be described as "masculinity". Minus turn-offs. The brain doesn't give two shits about these tags we place on everything. It just looks for stuff that has that bundle of traits it likes, and then it runs boner.exe, no matter how much you object to it because you know it's a "trick".

So of course; if there's a woman that looks like an attractive man, then of course a gay person is going to be attracted to that woman. Because she looks like an attractive woman. That doesn't make the gay guy heterosexual, or even bisexual. To be bisexual, the gay guy would have to be attracted to someone who looks like a woman.

Conclusion: We all have specific traits we like. If you spot those traits anywhere, be it on a guy, a girl or on a dumpster - you will find it attractive unless a turn-off trait is also included.

I really think most people are probably bisexual to some degree or another, and what they lean towards is based on preference and whatever environment they were raised in.

I would ask you, do you find group scene with a man and woman sexy? Do you find a man who has hormone replacement or something and big breasts but still a man where it counts attractive at all? What about someone all man but dresses semi feminine?

The point I am trying to get out is do you only find masculine men attractive? If so it is probably not just men that get you off, but the very masculine stereotypes that do. If not, and you find feminine men attractive, then why not woman with similar looks?

I bet you regardless of which it is, you can be tricked into finding a woman to be attractive, because they look like a man in some way. And if you can do that, you can probably find someone similar and without tricking you, still find that person attractive.

Hm, good question. If I thought hard about it, I would say I wouldn't find a mix of either gender traits on a man attractive at all. I find a man generally more attractive than a woman, but I would find a feminine woman more attractive than a man with big breasts or a woman with masculine traits, as confusing as that sounds. As for the group sex thing, I wouldn't be bothered by a woman in the group, but again, I just don't find women titillating.

Alfred Kinsey did find that there are varying degrees of sexual orientation. I may just be on the predominantly homosexual side. Who knows?

Originally Posted by Maeni

...if there's a woman that looks like an attractive man, then of course a gay person is going to be attracted to that woman. Because she looks like an attractive woman. That doesn't make the gay guy heterosexual, or even bisexual. To be bisexual, the gay guy would have to be attracted to someone who looks like a woman.

Conclusion: We all have specific traits we like. If you spot those traits anywhere, be it on a guy, a girl or on a dumpster - you will find it attractive unless a turn-off trait is also included.

To be honest, I've always been turned on by the chance of "becoming straight" and "being like one of the guys," even if for a day. It's kind of like going to the dark side and finding that erotic, if you know what I mean. Being gay wasn't my choice, and if given the opportunity, I'd really like to experience what being a straight man feels like...as uncomfortable as that sounds to you guys.

Originally Posted by Sornaensis

The only answer is that it feels goodright, brooooo.

Hm, right, as in morally right, or right for you?

Originally Posted by greenhavoc

i know what makes a man tick, there's no mystery. also, hasn't this thread already been made?

Oh really? I've tried searching "straight," "heterosexuality," "homosexuality," but I didn't find any threads about what it's like to be a heterosexual person. Maybe I just didn't see it or something.

To be honest, I've always been turned on by the chance of "becoming straight" and "being like one of the guys," even if for a day. It's kind of like going to the dark side and finding that erotic, if you know what I mean.

Wait, what?
Is it like a fetish now? Is it erotic to imagine yourself as a heterosexual? I don't think I know what you mean, no

But I think I've got something sort of related running lately. It's been a while since I've fantasized about what I usually find attractive, and instead I've been entertaining arguably weirder thoughts instead. And I've no idea why. Perhaps my sexuality really just is fucked, perhaps I'm uncomfortable with my sexuality which causes me to seek out something else, or perhaps it's my inner hipster that wants those cool non-mainstream fantasies. (Implying my original sexuality wasn't weird enough)

Originally Posted by DestFinis

Being gay wasn't my choice, and if given the opportunity, I'd really like to experience what being a straight man feels like...as uncomfortable as that sounds to you guys.

I think their feelings are the same. Like, they get exactly the same feelings you get when you see a sexy man, when they see a sexy woman. But if you're talking about what it feels like as in, what life is like for a normal heterosexual, then yeah I get ya. But then there's plenty of other things that I would rather know what feels like. If what you're talking about is sort of a "I wonder what it feels like to be normal..." then I can totally understand. There's lots of people with differences that make life a completely different thing, like homosexuals I suppose. From what I've seen, people who are 'normal' suck.

Wait, what?
Is it like a fetish now? Is it erotic to imagine yourself as a heterosexual? I don't think I know what you mean, no

Hm, I guess the turn-on thing was kind of out of left field, but that was exactly what I meant. Think of grass is greener on the other side, too. =]

But I think I've got something sort of related running lately. It's been a while since I've fantasized about what I usually find attractive, and instead I've been entertaining arguably weirder thoughts instead. And I've no idea why. Perhaps my sexuality really just is fucked, perhaps I'm uncomfortable with my sexuality which causes me to seek out something else, or perhaps it's my inner hipster that wants those cool non-mainstream fantasies. (Implying my original sexuality wasn't weird enough)

Oh, please, don't bring up hipster when it's about sexuality lol. Haha, just brings up all sorts of nasty connotations when I think about it. >.< Not to disagree with your way of thinking, I totally relate to what you're saying. But you made it seem like sexuality is like music, movies, books. I don't think it's like that. :]

I think their feelings are the same. Like, they get exactly the same feelings you get when you see a sexy man, when they see a sexy woman. But if you're talking about what it feels like as in, what life is like for a normal heterosexual, then yeah I get ya. But then there's plenty of other things that I would rather know what feels like. If what you're talking about is sort of a "I wonder what it feels like to be normal..." then I can totally understand. There's lots of people with differences that make life a completely different thing, like homosexuals I suppose. From what I've seen, people who are 'normal' suck.

I think of normal people in a different way. It's like I trust that "normal" people came to be probably because this "normal" trait was probably the most desirable back in our younger years as a species, and now normal people are the "mode" of society. I am aware that this kind of thinking is potentially self-destructive though.

My kind of thinking applies to more than just sexuality. I always wonder what it would be like to like sports, to be inclined to violence or manliness, like cars, to smoke, to be a heavy drinker, even to be circumcised (I am uncircumcised). I'm not a flaming gay man or anything, just an average acting guy who happens to be gay, but sadly, many of the things related to the man's man, I'm just not a fit. Maybe it's for the best lol.

Last edited by DestFinis; 04-02-2012 at 07:19 PM.
Reason: Hipsters and sexuality lol.

To be honest, I've always been turned on by the chance of "becoming straight" and "being like one of the guys," even if for a day. It's kind of like going to the dark side and finding that erotic, if you know what I mean. Being gay wasn't my choice, and if given the opportunity, I'd really like to experience what being a straight man feels like...as uncomfortable as that sounds to you guys.

You aren't the only one. But mine is mostly for the reason of fitting in into the crowd. To have lesser people telling you everyday you're too young to know. Ironic when it's the scenario of a girl telling others she has a crush on a guy, and all the adults will give her suggestions on what to do.

Now I'm stuck in a contradictory fix, I find being heterosexual uncomfortable and I find being homosexual uncomfortable because I don't dare to face my feelings, knowing very well if I sink too deep into it, it will lead me into another round of depression. But I roughly know how being a heterosexual feels like for girls; girls usually they like being protected by their guy and it seems most girls will accept a guy if the guy treats her well. Just seem that the guy treating girls well seem to be the main reason why girls are attracted to them. There's the good-looking factor too but it applies for every sexuality usually.

Hm, I guess the turn-on thing was kind of out of left field, but that was exactly what I meant. Think of grass is greener on the other side, too. =]

So you, what? Fantasize about being heterosexual? Do you have heterosexual fantasies despite not finding it appealing?
I think you're right though, it's probably a shit load easier being heterosexual. But that doesn't mean it's better

Oh, please, don't bring up hipster when it's about sexuality lol. Haha, just brings up all sorts of nasty connotations when I think about it. >.< Not to disagree with your way of thinking, I totally relate to what you're saying. But you made it seem like sexuality is like music, movies, books. I don't think it's like that. :]

I'm not exactly sure what you mean~
On first thought, I'd agree with you that sexuality is not at all similar to music/movie/book preferences, but on the other hand, I think it is a lot like that.
The way I see it, there's always certain things in movies that you enjoy the most, be it a certain genre, style or whatever. So you have a natural preference for music, books an movies. But if you feel uncomfortable with your preferences, maybe you'll start to look for other genres and "pretend" to like them, even if you don't really enjoy it that much.

I dunno, I'm just using it to theorize why I'm fantasizing about (arguably) weird(er) shit lately. Anyways, what do you mean with "nasty connotations"?
And also, if there's anything to it, then what you're doing would be the complete opposite I mean, being homosexual is hardly mainstream, so if you've got an interest in being heterosexual then that's obviously not a desire to be hip and cool, but more like a desire to fit in.

My kind of thinking applies to more than just sexuality. I always wonder what it would be like to like sports, to be inclined to violence or manliness, like cars, to smoke, to be a heavy drinker, even to be circumcised (I am uncircumcised). I'm not a flaming gay man or anything, just an average acting guy who happens to be gay, but sadly, many of the things related to the man's man, I'm just not a fit. Maybe it's for the best lol.

Yeah, exactly, there's more to being "normal" than just being heterosexual. If you're just heterosexual, there's still plenty of ways you can be odd which also changes your life a lot. I think that stereotype, those normals, are horrible. It's probably a lot easier to live life if you're one of those, whatever it takes, but from the way I see it, it sucks. Easier, but horrible. So I definitely think it's for the best.

I find my girlfriend sexually attractive (VERY sexually attractive, even thinking about it makes me want to her. lol) For the same reason you probably find men sexually attractive. Biology bro.
we are all wired differently and enjoy different things. Take fetishes for example, some people like whips some like chains. Personal prefrence.

In my experience, mostly it hurts. If you want more details, read Hemingway.

Originally Posted by Indeed

Those who think that homosexuality is a choice practically always consider heterosexuality to be the default.

A lot of times it seems like the opposite. I mean, you do have people like Santorum saying that homosexuality would disappear without gay porn (kind of a chicken and egg argument there...), but a lot of people also seem to think that without a social stigma the earth would be instantly depopulated because everyone would just scissor and sex butts.

If you have a sense of caring for others, you will manifest a kind of inner strength in spite of your own difficulties and problems. With this strength, your own problems will seem less significant and bothersome to you. By going beyond your own problems and taking care of others, you gain inner strength, self-confidence, courage, and a greater sense of calm.Dalai Lama