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How to tell someone you’re dating you’re freezing your eggs

By Trellis

Deciding to tell someone you’re dating that you froze your eggs (or are thinking about it) can make for an awkward conversation. Whether it’s six minutes or six months dropping the “I froze my eggs” bomb is along the lines of dropping the “I want to have kids someday” bomb. Not to mention talking about anything related to fertility health still feels taboo at times; goodness, is this 2019 or 1920? How strange that something that is so natural i.e. even admitting that you have eggs, can cause your strong voice to turn to a murmuring whisper. Well, we want you to feel confident talking about this with that person across the table who makes your stomach do summersaults. We gave this some thought and figured we’d share what we came up with so that you can work up the nerve to have that talk.

Explain that freezing your eggs is your way of taking pressure off yourself.

It’s not about them, it’s about you. You’ve decided you want this but you’d rather not deal with the rush or the pressure of having kids right away just because of some ticking clock. Reminding your date of this could actually help put them at ease, “Hey, I’m in no rush. We can Netflix and chill—seriously, do you want to watch another episode of The Great British Baking Show?”

Use it to weed out the duds

Depending on where you are in your dating life you might be ready to finally have someone who could be the real deal, not to mention you’re tired of having your time wasted. If you’re the bold soul who likes to talk about make or break topics a few dates in, this could be a new way of laying your cards on the table.

Let it come up naturally

Once you’ve made the choice to go through the process of egg freezing anyone you’re dating might notice some changes. While you’re going through the process there’s no alcohol, caffeine, or sex for a while and you’ll be taking hormone injections—they might notice something’s up and when they do, you can bring it up organically. “I’ve decided to do this thing…”

If you’re in a consistent relationship or are just two people who skip the small talk, eventually they might be the one to bring up the topic of kids and family. When you respond it’s your chance to say, “I definitely want kids but I didn’t want to rush myself.” And then you can lean back into your seat all cool because you’re a woman with a plan.

Break it to them gently

You might be a few months into a relationship that’s going pretty great and dropping a bomb is not something you want to do. Yet, you also know that freezing your eggs is right for you and you’re totally ready. Explain that this is an option and its one you’d like to make for yourself; they don’t need to go shopping for strollers with you just yet.

Or, you might be a year or two into the relationship. Things are pretty serious. They keep a toothbrush at your apartment and moving in together is something you’re considering (oh think of all the money you’d save on rent!) But kids aren’t quite in the picture yet. This one might need to be more of a sit-down talk. One of those, hey, what do you think about this? kind of deals. It might be because of your job or theirs or because you know you just aren’t ready yet. Either way, if they want to be in your life, this is how you start to include them in it.

Also, we’ve got to remind you that ultimately, this is your thing. Odds are you’ve spent the time trying to figure out if and when freezing eggs is right for you (and we know that even that can be pretty tiring). Trust that by this point you’ve developed your intuition on making big decisions and that telling someone you are dating that you want to freeze your eggs is just a small part of the process. Take a big breath and be true to you. You know what you want and what is important to you and if you do find that special companion, you deserve someone who wants to share this with you.