This Bottle Of Vodka Costs 3 Grand

I’m not a vodka guy. I never have been and I never will be. It really doesn’t do that much for me, and honestly, they’re all essentially the same. Don’t get me wrong, you can definitely taste the difference between a cheap vodka and an expensive vodka, but in the end, they’re both still vodkas. Stolichnaya, the famous Russian vodka brand, is releasing a new vodka that definitely falls into the expensive category.

Called “elit by Stolichnaya Pristine Water Series Andean Edition,” the new liquor will cost a shocking $3,000 per bottle. Three grand for vodka? Shit, for that amount, I guess Stoli thinks it can get away with not capitalizing the first letter of “elit.” So, what makes this vodka so special? Well, according to the makers of it, it starts with the most basic ingredient: water.

The entire Pristine Water Series is made using only water from special locations around the world known for their water–which is apparently a thing these days. Who knew? As the name would indicate, the Andean Edition uses water from “a natural spring flowing from the foothills of the Andes mountains” in Chile. Then, once the vodka is made, it’s put into handcrafted crystal bottles that are then placed in Chilean black cherrywood cases. While all that seems a little excessive, one should note that the Himalayan and New Zealand editions were hot sellers. In fact, the two predecessors to the Andean edition have nearly sold out.

I’ll give Stolichnaya credit here. It’s putting a lot into each bottle of vodka. However, at the end of the day, it’s still vodka. I think I’ll just stick to my bourbon and rye..

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BlutarskyTFM (@BlutoGrandex) is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move and Post Grad Problems, the self-appointed Senior Military Analyst for TFM News, founder of the #YesAllMenWhoWearHawaiianShirts Movement, and, on an unrelated note, a huge fan of buffets. While by no means an athletic man, he was the four-square champion of his elementary school back in the day. When not writing poorly organized columns or cracking stupid, inappropriate jokes on Twitter, Bluto pretends to be well-read, finds excuses not to exercise, and actually has a real job.

All these so-called “most expensive” bottles are really just above-average alcohol packaged in some ridiculous Swarovski decanter with diamond insets and all that. Want a quality alcohol? Buy an older Macallan.