It's British food fortnight - who knew? - I'm guessing we're talking one of those weeks that slimed its way out of some murky corporate PR meeting only to declare the two-week period between September 22 - October 7 as British food fortnight. The premise, of course, is nonsense, but perhaps the sentiment beyond the sponsor's greasy palms is real. After all, this is the sixth British food fortnight and there are more events taking place than you can brandish a banger at. If we can sod the cynicism for a minute, and I think we should, this fortnight would appear to foretell a quite incredible scoffsesh for any Britain-based British foodie.

There are more than - count 'em - 200 events and "thousands of activities". From 14 things you can do during the fortnight to the 8 reasons to buy British food, the website is quite literally stuffed. Having imagined chomping my way through the events, if really, really pushed to nail just the one, I think I'd have to plump for the Brockleby pie judging competition in Melton Mowbray on September 30th - "Brockley's, bakers of top quality pies, is challenging Leicestershire folk to beat them at their own game and enter a pie-making competition. There are three categories: best sweet pie, best savoury cold pie and best savoury hot pie." Whichever way you cut it, you cannot beat a good pie.

What with this fortnight, Slater's soft core in the mag and next month's British sausage week, British food is nothing if not balls out bangers 'n' mash blazin' at the mo'.