So while speaking directly to a celebrated stranger may not be possible without first passing muster with a squad of handlers and publicists, you can do the next best thing: dial the famous person's last listed phone number and talk to the lucky, star-dusted citizen who inherited it.

In any event, the Texas law clearly passes muster under rational basis review, which doesn't presume to grade our citizens' moral judgments as if they were submitted as part of an undergraduate exam in moral philosophy.

Although I had worked on school newspapers, I did not know what news was — that is, what events would make a story and what combination of words would make it into print after passing muster with the night city editor.