Big Baby in the Big Smoke

I’m in Sydney for the night, had to take mum to a specialist this arvo so we decided to stay the night in Manly. So it’s 10:35 on a Monday night and I’m currently sitting alone in a bar after gambling away $120. It just took me 20 seconds to down a rum & coke that cost me $9. How’s your day going?

I’ve been pitifully depressed recently, which has coincided with what feels like the busiest week in history, people keep being nice to me and taking me places and Im feeling like an ungrateful cow about it, Im even struggling to pretend to enjoy myself.

It’s just sad and pathetic really, don’t worry, I can’t stand the sight of myself either, I haven’t even been reading blogs this week.

The fact that I’ve also had a shitty headache for three days which only finally lifted this evening hasn’t helped, the depression at least has also eased along with it – with the help of a pina colada and an assortment of painkillers.

After dinner I finally felt like being somewhere other than hiding under a blanket dreaming up new and improved ways to die, mum was tired and ready for bed, so rather than call it a night myself, I did what any reasonable person would do, I ditched mum at the hotel and went out alone.

So what does one do on her own on a balmy Monday night in Manly? Well there isn’t a whole lot of options really, Im not one for moonlight beach frolicking, well not by myself anyway, so I wandered around, spotted a pub with pokies and against my better judgement decided to get drunk and blow some money I don’t have.

I think I like being drunk alone, well not quite drunk, pleasantly buzzed. I do wish I’d brought my laptop here though, writing on my phone is a real pain in the ass.

It’s nice not having any responsibility for a few hours, right now I’m not a mother, not a daughter, not a wife, just a person with nobody to answer to but myself, I like it.

Lol, I hadn’t been to Manly since I was a kid and couldn’t remember it. I’m in that awkward age group where I am a bit too old for night clubbing and way too young for bingo… Good music in a pub is more my speed these days, just hard to find on a Monday night!

Awww … I wish I knew you. I wish I could help. I wish I could do something, anything. I just read a lovely piece and in it, it said, “Tomorrow is another day with no mistakes in it”. I like that. I guess it’s about starting a new day and the slate is already clean for you … it’s just up to you to keep it that way. Just for the day. For me it helps because every day I battle with staying off the booze and in finding and sticking to good habits. It’s seriously hard though! Great that you’re somewhere free of responsibility though. Of course, there’s still just that responsibility to ourselves. Good luck! Have fun ☀️☀️☀️

Struggling with mental health, I was sat on a psych ward and inspired to start my very own blog! So here we are, welcome to life’s in the eyes of lauren where I’ll be tackling difficult topics and sharing my personal experiences, mainly focusing on mental health but also social services, the care system, living away from my biological family, school struggles and just life in general! i am writing to help poeple, if that means ive helped one person, ive achieved my goal. I hope you enjoy reading, Good Vibes Only xoxo