No marriage is without its disagreements, and for many couples, money is often the topic of discussion. If you and your spouse are having money problems, the last thing you need is to establish more tension by fighting about it.

In this blog post, we’ll discuss why couples fight over money and what you can do about it.

Why couples fight over money

When it comes to money problems in a marriage, the biggest factor that I’ve found is that people simply have different priorities. Maybe you’re a saver by nature, and your spouse is a spender. Or you don’t care to spend money on something that is important to your spouse.

Although my wife and I are both savers by nature, we each have different ideas about what’s worth spending money on. I like going out to eat, buying books, and traveling. She likes buying clothes, essential oils, and stuff for the kids.

We’ve had several arguments about these things over the years. Some have been minor, and others have been explosive. Fortunately, all of them have been resolved, and we have made several compromises over the years to keep the peace. After all, the health of our relationship isn’t worth a fight over a $100 purchase.

Of course, a difference in priorities isn’t the only reason for money problems in a marriage. Others include:

One spouse is keeping secrets about spending or debt.

One spouse earns more than the other, causing resentment.

You have different personalities.

One spouse has a legitimate shopping addiction.

Regardless of your reasons, your marriage will be a lot better if you learn how to work together.

5 tips to help resolve money problems in your marriage

Resolving your money problems isn’t about declaring a winner and a loser. Instead of setting up the scoreboard every time, focus on how to make a favorable solution for both of you. Here are five ways to do that.

1. Communicate

It may seem obvious, but communicating isn’t just talking to each other — it’s talking and listening. We all have reasons for spending money. I’m an emotional eater, so if I’m stressed, I may stop by Wendy’s for a juicy cheeseburger.

On the flip side, my wife is a stay-at-home mom of two and sometimes feels like she’s losing her identity as a woman. So, she sometimes buys clothes that fit her personality to feel like she’s still “Kilee.”

The point here is that if you focus only on the amount spent, you’re never going to understand each other. If my wife and I talk about why we spent the money, it’s a lot easier to talk about the underlying problems and how we can support each other.

2. Set common goals

If you don’t have something you’re working toward together, it’s a lot easier for selfish interests to surface. My wife and I are buying a house and have talked extensively about the different things we want to do once we move in.

For example, we want to build a fence for the backyard, finish one of the rooms in the basement so I can have an office downstairs, and buy a van, so we have two cars.

Because those are all important to both of us, we can use them to talk one another out of spending money now on certain things that don’t matter as much.

3. Budget together

I can’t stress enough how important it is to have a household budget. Not only that, but it’s also essential that you’re both on the same page regarding how you plan to spend your money each month.

The good news is that you get to decide how you budget. If you want to budget in more flexibility, you can. Work together to put together a plan each month. Talk about things you’d like to buy or do during the month and determine if you can do all those things without spending more than you earn.

It’s not enough to make the plan every month, though. It’s also important that you both keep an eye on the budget throughout the month. For example, say I just spent $200 on groceries by the 10th and our monthly grocery budget is $400. Both of us should know that so we can adjust our spending for the rest of the month.

4. Set aside ‘allowances’

My favorite part of our budget is the “allowances” we get every month. It’s a perfect way for both of us to buy stuff we want that don’t necessarily fit with our common goals.

For instance, I just bought a road bike with some allowance money that I’ve been saving up for a few months. I also use this money when I randomly want to go out to eat by myself or to buy a book on my Kindle. These purchases are all conflict-free, so to speak, because I have full control over how it’s spent.

5. Don’t keep secrets

I love sushi, but during my last year in college, it got me in trouble. I was doing an internship, and a bunch of the other guys at the office went to lunch at a local sushi place. They convinced me to start going too and I didn’t tell my wife about it because I wasn’t sure she’d be OK with me spending that much money.

It turns out, I was right. And the funny thing is that my wife wasn’t so mad about the cost as she was the fact that I tried to hide it from her. If you feel like you want to hide something, the chances are that you shouldn’t be doing it.

Got any other tips on how you resolve money problems in your marriage?

I have a love-hate relationship with saving money. I love it because it puts me in a position of strength financially. Having cash on hand gives me options that I wouldn’t otherwise have, and it protects me from potentially crippling expenses.

I hate it because it can be hard to know what to save for and when. Without using a proper savings strategy, it sometimes feels like I’m just spinning my wheels. But if I take a step back, it’s easier to establish all my savings goals and put each one its place.

What are your savings goals?

If you ask most people what they’re saving for, you’ll generally get one or two answers. For example, it could be a house, a baby, or a vacation. If you were to ask me, though, you’d get a long list.

As of right now, I’m currently saving for — or wish I could be saving for — the following things:

Obviously, it’s not reasonable to be able to save for all of those things simultaneously — at least not with my income. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t desperately want to make it work.

So, whether you have just a few savings goals or more than you can count, it’s important to have a savings strategy to make sure you’re reaching your goals sooner.

How to create your savings strategy

To put together a solid savings strategy, it takes more than just putting money away each month and winging it. Follow these steps to reach your goals sooner and more effectively.

Write your goals down

Write out all your savings goals. It makes it a lot easier to remember them and to keep them in mind. Take 10 to 15 minutes to do this step to make sure you get them all. Also, be sure to include the goals that you told yourself long ago aren’t possible. Even if you don’t end up getting to them, you should at least try.

Prioritize your goals

Next, put each of them into one of the following three groups:

Urgent and important

Important but not urgent

Less important and not urgent

Here’s how the goals I listed above would break down:

Urgent and important:

Home down payment

Emergency fund

Christmas fund

Important but not urgent:

Traditional retirement

Home renovations

Piano

Van

Kids’ college

Vacations

Other family activities

“Forget You” fund

Less important and not urgent:

Early retirement

Private pilot license

Lasik

In that last group, it’s not that those things aren’t important to me. They wouldn’t be on the list if they weren’t. They aren’t as important to me as those in the first two groups, though.

Keep in mind that your groups may look different, even with the same goals. For example, you may view vacations as a luxury, while I see it as an important part of my life. Only you know what belongs to each group.

Put your money where your mouth it

None of this will work unless you start funneling money toward your goals. If you’re not on a budget, get on one. I prefer You Need a Budget, but there are a ton of other budgeting apps just a Google search away.

Once you’re on a budget — or if you’re already on one — make sure you carve out enough money to put toward your savings goals. Push yourself a little if you need to. Focus first on the urgent and important goals then go down the list from there. Think of it as just another bill and set up an automatic transfer to your savings account each month. Do whatever you need to so you can reach your goals.

Also, I highly recommend finding a side hustle that can net you some extra cash. Almost all of our savings comes from my side business as a freelance writer.

Avoid distractions

The hard thing about goals is that there always seems to be something that gets in the way. And for me, most of the time it’s myself. I usually don’t like to spend money, but we’re currently on track to meeting our home down payment goal so I’ve started to rationalize spending money on things I wouldn’t usually.

Don’t let the shiny things of life get between you and your financial goals. That said, let yourself live a little. If you spend all your time and money looking to the future, your life will be lame. Budget in some fun then get back to your goals.

If you shop online, chances are that you’re leaving money on the table. Cash-back websites allow you to earn money back on your online purchases without much extra effort. If you’re not using one, though, you’re missing out on extra cash.

I ignored cash-back websites for years, mostly because I never took the time to figure out how they work. And as with clipping coupons, I figured I’d rather spend my time making dollars than saving pennies. Fortunately, there’s a way to earn cash back online without jumping through hoops. [Read more…]

[Editor’s note: This is a guest post by James M. Dahle, MD. He blogs at The White Coat Investor, and also wrote “The White Coat Investor: A Doctor’s Guide to Personal Finance and Investing.”

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Dahle’s post was a fun read for me because it’s coming from an analytical mind. I prefer a much more simple approach, but these are some interesting things to consider.][Read more…]

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Mormons have been “prepping” for decades, although not necessarily for an end-of-the-world scenario. Rather, long-term food storage is simply a part of the church’s principles of self-reliance and emergency preparedness.

But while we know that LDS leaders recommend it, the “why” and “how” can be a little fuzzy. [Read more…]

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Hello and welcome! I'm Ben and I run Latter-day Finance. I've been eating, sleeping, and breathing personal finance ever since I first picked up Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover in 2009. I believe that managing money well is essential to a fulfilling life. Learn more about me here.

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Latter-day Finance is not affiliated with or sponsored by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The opinions in this blog represent the opinion of the author and are not meant to represent the teachings or doctrines of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Nor are the opinions endorsed or recommended by the LDS Church.

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The posts on this blog are based on my opinions and personal experiences. Do your own research and consider consulting a financial advisor before making financial decisions. There may be paid advertisements on this website. You are under no obligation to purchase the products or services advertised on this website.