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2.29.2012

I Have A Lump

I have a small, pebble sized lump in my right breast, that was confirmed yesterday at my way-overdue annual exam.

And I am nervous.

I've known about this lump for a few months, having found it during one of my monthly breast exams. But with my background of breast reductions seventeen years ago, I never gave it much thought. Scar tissue was what I chalked it up to be. Maybe a cyst. Nothing more.

The reality though is that I'm at "that age." That mystical number that suddenly has you microscopically examining every nook and cranny of your body ... all while envisioning your mortality ... and contemplating Botox and Restylane to help you look the age you feel.

Despite feeling, (and dare I say knowing), that in my heart of hearts all is going to be just fine. That it's probably nothing. I got spooked when the nurse told me within mere seconds of my exam, that she absolutely felt where and what I was talking about. It surely doesn't negate my anxiety of waiting to get my mammogram. It certainly won't stop the "what-if" fairy from making a daily pit-stop in my head.

So until I have my mammogram, (incidentally scheduled on Matt's birthday), when finally I take the films from my previous one and have them compared to this new one, I'll be breathing a little heavier. For patience is NOT my long suit ...

I'll also be reminding you to check your boobs. Because despite how youthful we all feel and look. I'm just 38 years young.

31 comments:

Oh Jill! I am hoping and praying that it's just a cyst or scar tissue or all the other "just a ____'s" it's likely to be. I also hope that you get answers quickly and easily. Keeping you in my prayers.

I wish you didn't have to wait two weeks... I have been getting regular mammograms since I was 35 (since my mom had breast cancer) and a few years ago, I had a "suspicious shadow" in one. The waiting for the next appointment sucks. And like you, I was pretty sure that it would be nothing, but...

I'm local! So you know I'm always available to drive over if you need me.

Oh Jill! I am choosing to believe it will all be okay, too, but man it would be a whole lot easier for you not to have to wait so long to find out! That may be the worst thing of all... Keeping you in my thoughts; keep us updated.

Jill, I am really sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I truly hope it is a calcium deposit and they tell you to lay off the caffeine. That's what they said to me a few years ago. And I don't drink caffeine. Hang in there and keep us posted.

Not knowing is the worst part. Your job right now is to have your right boob at the right place at the right time for the right experts to do what they do best. It's their job to take care of your boob and your job to tote your boob all over town.

Worrying isn't part of anyone's job description and nobody has a need for a free-lance worrier. While you might be an expert worrier, it's a skill you need to set aside. Yup, right there next to slide rule skills is fine.

If any woman can stare down a lump, it is YOU! And you'll do it with style, sass, and wearing stilettos!! You are strong, your marriage is strong, you have a strong supportive network, and you have good health care!! Girl, you are going to be just fine!! You have survived Oman, India, and Matt's deployment -- trust me, you'll fight this and win! HUGS!!!