Every day is a new day, that's what I keep telling myself. The struggle is real. I'm in deep with this addiction to wine. I am searching for the answer how to turn it off. I feel lucky if I can keep it down to a daily minimum of just one bottle. I pray to God to take this addiction away. Some days I'm a fighter. Other days are a bit more challenging. Hopefully by putting this out there, starting today, I can find a new hope and believe in myself again.

LoveHateMerlot

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DAY 24 - The Bachelor

I am currently in the process of taking courses to obtain a Real Estate license. Sobriety has made this process a lot easier on me. It is SO much information, my head feels like it is going to explode. Since my sobriety, I don't have to manage hangovers and I have a clear head. I have been able to retain information a lot faster. I am scoring higher on benchmark tests. I can study hours at a time now.

I am currently at the end of the 4th course, and after I pass this course test I will only have 2 courses left. The biggest motivation for me to get these courses over and done with is now I am sober. I was actually dragging my feet, worried about being asked to go to happy hour. Drinking too much, making a fool of myself, losing clients, and trashing my broker's name. I don't have that weight on my shoulders any more. I don't have to worry about not drinking too much, because I won't be drinking at all.

My cravings came on fast last night. I was watching the Bachelor, and that show is flooded with drinks in every scene. I guess I am torchering myself but I can't stop enjoying everything I love. So I drank my wine glass full of seltzer with an orange wedge. I knew I wasn't going to drink, and it sure did suck, the entire time. I have to process all of these emotions all over again, so often, like "Why can't I just have a glass and be finished like all these girls on tv right now?" A few get sloppy drunk, and that actually helps remind me why I stay sober. Those sloppy, drunk girls may or may not have a problem, but I am sure they will have a big plate of shame handed to them as they relive the moments viewing themselves on a show that is nationally aired. I didn't have any shame this morning when I woke up, I'll take that amazing feeling over getting sh*t faced any day.