I put this jerk to bed! I realized what I hated most about this game and it turned out it was the story, so I just spent all weekend finishing this thing. And because it's the ending of a game, I'll throw up a

So anyway, the game had been building up to this Big Heist, when suddenly Trevor realizes that maybe Michael is an asshole who has been lying to him constantly, and so he goes to Not North Dakota to figure out who was buried in Michael's grave. (Hint: it was that one friend who only Trevor cares about) For some reason in GTA it is always snowing in North Yankton? That's weird, because I live in the upper midwest, and we have summers and everything. So Trevor finds out everything, but then the Chinese attack and take Michael hostage, and Trevor just...let's them! He's a total dick about it! "Yeah, sure, kill him, fuck that guy."

But...eventually Franklin realizes he hasn't seem Michael in a while and calls Lester to help him save Michael, and he does. And the team is all fragmented, and the goddamn FIB still wants me to do something, but at least the thing they wanted me to do was cool. I had to steal some data from the main database, so Michael goes in as a janitor and plants some bombs and then we run in as firefighters to steal the drive out of the burning building. Granted, this was a RIDICULOUS idea and one of our gunmen died in the backdraft, but we still got out of there.

Then there's a huge firefight when Merryweather turns on the FIB or something and Michael's caught in the middle during a debriefing and almost dies except that Trevor comes back and saves him? Turns out Trevor still wants to do the Big Heist, even though he hates Michael. So you set up for the Big Heist, which turns out to be extremely easy to pull off. Just shoot a bunch of guys, and now everyone is a millionaire.

And now the game decides its time to be edgy or whatever, and you have two different groups come to Franklin asking him to kill either Trevor or Michael (or kill nobody because you can't possibly do all the after game content if you choose one of the first two options). My favorite line in this dumb dumb moral decision is when Franklin says, "Obviously I can't kill both!" because in the back of my head I'm thinking, "Why the fuck not? They are both terrible people who can't buy groceries without killing three people, I think the world would be better without them." But anyway, it's time to choose your loyalties, and because I hate Trevor more than I hate Michael, I elected to see what happens when you kill Trevor.

Turns out he freaks out and then he runs into a gas truck and goes up in flames, and Michael stands around being a complete fucking jackass. Ug, guess I got to go back and kill him too. Anyway the game ends, and then you get a ton of money and no reason to need to it. Grand Theft Auto!

So yeah, this game just became kind of irritating after a point, which I don't know why I didn't expect that, because GTA4 did the exact same thing, but I don't remember the characters in that game being so...offensively stupid. Like, Nico's whining was annoying, but he wasn't a sociopath. I believed he actually had a heart. I was legit sad when his cousin died (spoilers for a five year old game). But if ANY of the characters besides Franklin died in this game? I would not shed a goddamn tear. Everyone in this game is just THE WORST.