Looking on the bright side I have awhile to think about it. On the other hand it creates a big problem and something that needs to be addressed. The reason I got suspended was that I lost 1 Librium pill because I wasn't paying attention because we are so busy. Why can't my life be better, I keep screwing up, I've always thought that I was incompetent and that the only reason I lasted on my last job before was the boss was an idiot or felt sorry for me, this kinda seals the deal. I guess I was right, I have to do something about this, I plan to call a new T today. I was also told that another incident like this would likely cause my termination. This is bad

_________________________"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"

sorry - naturally you are upset by this. but please don't waste your time beating yourself up over it. it was a mistake - own it and learn from it. hope you accepted the repercussions in an appropriate manner - that goes a long way. and it can still be addressed if you need to when you return.

i like what you said about having time to think and calling a new T. that is a great attitude to take - make something positive out of the unexpected bonus of extra time off. it could be very productive. you sound more balanced that the posts i read by you a year or so ago = then you seemed to be much more down on yourself. looks to me like you are doing better.

Lee

_________________________
"That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. . . What will your verse be?" Robin Williams as John Keating in "Dead Poets Society"

Hey Jason, I'm sorry that such error happened You said nicely that such problem should be addressed now when you have some time for deeper thinking. Please don't be hard on yourself we all are making mistakes. It is difficult working under stress.I truly believe you'll find way to constructively move forward and use your potential, certainly you have it

One of the worst aspects of our abuse, I think, or at least one of the tough ones, is that we have a tendency to feel as if we are cursed. I've had a therapist describe this as "magical thinking." The idea is that we have a very hard time coping with the idea that terrible things can happen to us for no reason at all, or only for superficial reasons. For instance, we often chose to think, when we were abused, that the abuse happened because something was wrong with us, not because our abuser happened to have an opportunity to victimize someone, and that opportunity allowed them to victimize us. It's hard to accept that truth, because that lends us toward a chaotic view of the universe, one in which bad shit randomly rains down on people. Well, hell, that's pretty much the truth. But, oddly, it's a truth that can allow you to have the life that you want.

You're not cursed. Nor are you incompetent. You can be as competent as you want to be. You might well be easy to distract. A lot of survivors of CSA have symptoms that present just like attention deficit disorder, because we have a high startle reflex, because we got hurt so profoundly. That startle reflex can prompt us to jump from subject to subject when we're talking, to skip around from idea to idea, and to forget things even when we're trying hard to remember. We do that, not because we're incompetent, but because we haven't learned to manage our anxiety very well.

What I'm saying is, you can do it. You're on the right track. I agree with those above. It's great that you're going for therapy. Me, too. I just restarted therapy and have my second appointment today at noon, which honestly freaks me out big time. After my first appointment, I felt like my head had come apart and wind was blowing around my brain! That was MESSED UP!

Thanks guys, I'm feeling a bit better about it, it happened this morning and I guess it was a bit raw, I actually had to keep myself from crying in the HR office (I did actually a little).

Robert I do have those ADD symptoms. I've been diagnosed with Genralized Anxiety Disorder, ADD, social anxiety disorder, learning disabilities. But I bet your right it is from the abuse or other trauma that I've experienced.

_________________________"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"

All we can do is learn and grow my friend this happens to the best of us it is called an honest mistake. Unfortunately we got this thing called the human factor , and that will always leave room for mistakes and the important thing is to focus on the preventive measures to insure things do not happen the same way again. Will they ? who knows but no this that if it does it just means that we are human and how does that old saying go

SHIT HAPPENS

Just learn and grow my friend learn and grow think about anything positive you can take away from this. Being off , extra time to relax .

The importance of their stance on the issue . There are potential lawsuits for negligence . Maybe the pill would be found in another prescription or someone stealing or what ever they are justified in their action to insure things are more carefully observed ,l even though it is an honest mistake they have to cover their buts .

Do not take a mole hill and allow it to transition into a mountain. Learn and grow my friend learn and grow and allow yourself to be better for it

I just got a call from the T and he squeezed me in for Tommorrow at 10am. I'm traveling about an hour but I wants someone who knows about male CSA so I don't want to fool around with possibly harmful therapy. I had so much problems making the call even though I've been to countless therapists, it feels like I'm going for the first time.

_________________________"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"

I just got a call from the T and he squeezed me in for Tommorrow at 10am. I'm traveling about an hour but I wants someone who knows about male CSA so I don't want to fool around with possibly harmful therapy. I had so much problems making the call even though I've been to countless therapists, it feels like I'm going for the first time.

I know what that's like. Had good ones, had really bad ones. Never seems to get less nerve wracking.

_________________________
I come here now, and I see lots of anger.I don't blame anyone for that. It is perfectly understandable.But it is not healthy for me.So I'm going somewhere else.

Good luck with the new T. I'm actually filling out the paperwork in hopes of getting my insurance to recoup me some or all of the cost of my new therapist. Damn, I hate America's health care system. Why is mental health care so hard to get? Why can't our country understand that good quality and affordable (free?) health care would make our nation more productive and happier with fewer crimes and fewer suicides and all sorts of other costly stuff?

Sorry to rant, and I don't mean to inject partisan politics into this scene, but still....

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