Friday, September 11, 2009

Top 17 Tracks on Abbey Road, After Many Iterations of Google Translate

Hey, no more sad lists for a while, okay? I am settling in at Princeton, where there are so many raccoons and where the Health Services nurses hit on you shamelessly while administering immunizations.

So, apparently, it is "Oh Man, Weren't The Beatles Great!?" Week or something. As I have stated before (though not in itemized fashion), I was never huge into those guys. My favorite Beatles song was "Rocky Raccoon". That probably speaks volumes. Whatever, y'all--I was too busy learning life lessons from John Prine and Judy Collins and Bob Dylan. Lush harmonies, perfect pop songs? Eh, okay. John Prine swears in a song about Christmas. That was cool.

This being said, it's also the birthday of that kid Pat Higgiston, one of the Okay Guys of All-Time. And he just loooves those Beatles. So in honor of all that, here is the tracklisting to Abbey Road, after being translated from English to Chinese to Norwegian to Polish to Hindi to Thai to Welsh to Yiddish to Chinese and back to English. Or something like that.

1. Together We Come

...re-contextualize that sexually!

2. Things

...from the people that brought you Stuff.

3. Maxwell Yinchui

...art, plain and simple.

4. Oh! Expensive

...sounds like a T. Rex song.

5. Octopus Gardens

...from the makers of Squid Forests.

6. How To (This Will Be Difficult)

...sounds like a Talking Heads song.

7. When You Are In the Sun

...you should wear some sort of protective gear or lotions.

8. Because

...oh, come on. LAME.

9. He Has Meant That Money

...sounds like an Of Montreal song.

10. Sea-King

...oh, come on. BORING.

11. Average Mustard Man

...from the folks who brought you Ketchup Lady on the Street.

12. Polythene Palm

...sounds like a Pavement song.

13. She Went To the Bathroom, Through the Window

...oh, come on. GROSS.

14. Gold Sleep

...is what happened to the dude sleeping outside her window. ZING!

15. To Carry Such a Weight Of

...sounds like a Smiths song.

16. Final

...oh, come on. LITERAL.

17. Her Pi

...oh gosh, I don't even know. You guys, other languages are ridiculous.