Category Archives: Off The Field Gossip

As the holidays wind down and we get back to our normal schedules, ditching the 3 drinks a night and cheese plates, and adjusting to that extra five pounds that Santa brought, it’s time to focus on what’s important for 2014. Namely, it’s playoff time!

Like the phrases “amaze balls” and “totes”, the 2013 regular season is soooo yesterday. The playoffs are exciting because they’re like a whole new season. Just when you think your team is down on its luck, 12 of them get a new lease on life. But, because we’re capitalists in the NFL if nothing else, some teams have it better than others. In fact, there are four teams who will be advancing to the second round of the playoffs this weekend without even playing. So unfair, right?

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of The Year -Post-Season Football Frenzy!

Will the Patriots make the big time again or suffer the Bundchen curse?

They say January is the most depressing month of the year. Credit card bills come, the days are cold and dark, and New Year’s resolutions are quickly dumped in favor of sugar and chardonnay. Well, who is this “they” anyway, and don’t they watch football??

It’s playoff month, ladies. The time when our favorite 32 teams are culled down to 12, leaving fans brokenhearted or elated.

Why are the NFL playoffs so superior to all other forms of playoffs?

It’s one-and-done, win-or-go-home, sudden death time! None of this sissy several weeks of seven game stretches (I’m talkin’ to you, baseball and hockey), no ridiculous “everyone gets a trophy” college bowls (yes, there is a Magicjack.com St. Petersberg Bowl, and no one cares who plays in it), no “all star” rosters (although you are easy on the eyes, World Cup). Just teeth-knockin, every-play-matters football!

If that doesn’t get you all geeked up, consider that playoff football also draws its fair share of celebrities, B-listers and assorted hangers-on. Prospects for this year include Dale Earnhardt Jr. (Redskins), Usher (Falcons), Robin Williams (Niners), Hilary Duff (Texans), Michael Phelps (Ravens), George Clooney (Bengals), Matthew McConaughey (Redskins), Carrie Underwood (Cowboys), Demi Moore (Packers) and the evil Gisele Bundchen, the “Yoko Bund-o” of the Patriots as I like to call her. Sorry, but two of our fave Brads, Brad Pitt and Bradley Cooper, will not be attending games this year as their respective teams (Saints and Eagles) have failed to qualify. Perhaps there is a “hottest fan” consolation award we can bestow on them.

If you know someone whose team didn’t happen to advance to the big time, here are a few parting shots to take. Say these simple phrases, and any fan worth their salt is guaranteed to go ballistic. You don’t even have to know what it means, just throw it out there. In case you be hatin’…

As for the teams that are left, here are the story lines that you won’t want to miss–

The Indianapolis Colts are not only my favorite team of all time, but this year’s Cinderella Story. With coach Chuck Pagano stepping down in the face of leukemia treatment, last year’s 2-12 team rallied to an improbable 11-5 record, largely on the back of rookie QB Andrew Luck and a cast of cast-offs and rookies. With Pagano now back on the sidelines, can their magic season continue through the playoffs? The Baltimore Ravens may have something to say about that. They host the Colts this weekend and are, as always, a defensive powerhouse. They will be fueled by the announcement that their team’s heart and soul, Ray Lewis, will be retiring at the end of the season. Meaning that this could be the last game for this controversial figure who has played for 17 seasons and was also charged with murder 12 years ago, only to plead guilty to a lesser charge. Tell whoever you’re watching the game with that you hope Ray brings some “killer instinct” to the game, and watch them cringe!

The Green Bay Packers and Minnesota Vikings will face off (probably in snow) in a somewhat anti-climatic matchup that was played just last weekend. In that game, probable-MVP Adrian Peterson missed the single-season rushing record set in 1984 by just nine yards. This is a huge deal. Look for him to try to run it up the gut again on the Packers, but if I had to bet, I’d put my money on “Discount Doublecheck” commercial star and sometime-quarterback Aaron Rogers at Lambeau Field, aka The Frozen Tundra, one of the hardest places for a visiting team to play.

Other games include the Seattle Seahawks and Washington Redskins, a showcase of incredibly talented rookie quarterbacks. Personally, I enjoy watching the sidelines on this one, as the exuberant gum-chewing Pete Carroll takes on Mike Shanahan, a coach with a few Super Bowls and a few too many hours on the tanning bed under his belt. These two masterminds will provide some of the best play calling you’ll see in a matchup almost too close to call, but the Seahawks have won more tough games this year, and have a cuter coach (such a chick thing to say) so I’ve gotta go with Pete’s posse.

The Houston Texans vs. Cincinnati Bengals may have looked like a yawner a few weeks ago when the Texans were on the top of their game, but they’ve lost their last three of four games and have fallen from the one seed to the three seed. These seeds are not of the garden variety; they determine who your team plays during the playoffs and if you get to play at home, a huge advantage. The one and two seeds even get an extra week off to heal injuries and rest their weary bones, or date more model-actresses. The Bengals are a team on their way up but Arian Foster is one of the best running backs in the game (plus extremely easy on the eyes) so I like the Texans to win this one. Keep an eye on J.J. Watt, the best defensive player in the game (do not argue) as he will be in the face of the Bengals’ young quarterback like a Kardashian magazine cover. Post-pregnancy, of course!

Watching from the sidelines this weekend are the “top seeds” or the teams that get to rest because they have the best record. The Denver Broncos are riding an 11-game win streak into the playoffs and seem to be the most complete team on both sides of the ball, meaning they have Peyton Manning as their QB and a whole mess of tough guys on defense. However, the New England Patriots are close behind, are always monsters in the playoffs, and are buoyed by the return of their tight end (hee hee, she said tight end!) Rob Gronkowski, or “The Gronk” who was out for five weeks drinking and macking on Playboy models, oops, I mean with a broken arm.

On the NFC side, the Atlanta Falcons are the team to beat, although the San Francisco 49ers are hoping that this is their year. They came close last year, losing to the New York Giants in overtime in the NFC title game that would have sent them to the Super Bowl. But a mid-season QB change and a few signature wins send them into the playoffs feeling like they can recreate the Niners dynasty of old.

So how will it all end? We will know in a few short weeks, and if you haven’t started planning your Super Bowl party, food and wardrobe yet, you are already behind the curve. So sit back, cuddle up with your guy and enjoy this, the most wonderful time of the year!

Ladies, I expect that based on my last article, you have done your homework, picked your favorite players and learned some of the NFL lingo this season. But in case you haven’t become a football junkie yet, let’s do a mid-season recap and see what’s happening around the league. Take the time to revel in the intense competition, surprises and disappointments and amazing match ups that make up November in the NFL.

Fans enjoy thinking about the #1 Draft Pick the Chiefs are likely to have for next season.

Have you seen the commercial for NFL Network where the formerly geeky girl/guy slowly learns the game and is suddenly talking like a commentator, screaming about great plays before running smack into Clay Matthews or Drew Brees? Well this is what I dream about for you, my football friends…keep learning, keep watching and soon you will blossom into the queen of the water cooler or office pool. In the meantime, here are the hot mid-season topics that you can touch upon during your next deep and serious conversation with the football fan in your life…

Even Steven – Holy COW is the NFL amazing this year! You see, people, the secret to the success of the NFL is a little word called parity. Or perhaps you’ve heard it explained as “on any given Sunday, any given team can beat any other team.” So, ok, now it’s Sunday and Monday and Thursday (thank you Lord!) but this is holding true this season big time.

Out of the 32 NFL teams, only 13 have a winning record so far, and the jury is completely out on who has the inside line to the playoffs. If you are an Atlanta or Houston fan, you are probably sitting pretty for a January berth. Everyone else is on the edge of our seats, as it should be.

Referee-k-out!! – Unless you live under a rock, you know that replacement refs caused a big kerfuffle early in the season, starting with a few questionable judgments and culminating with a blown call that cost the Green Bay Packers a game against Seattle. And based on the outcry, you would have thought thousands of innocent fans had been brutally tortured at that game. Seriously, people…it’s football. Is this really a front page story or something that needs to take up Today Show time that should be devoted to building your trendy Fall wardrobe for less? The good news, is, the labor dispute ended and most fans are back to just hating the real refs.

New Kids On The Block – Rookies are owning the day this year, from RGIII, the cool Redskins QB with the cooler name who can scramble and score to #1 draft pick Andrew Luck, who has a winning record despite his young supporting cast. So many rookies are having a tremendous year, but why is this so shocking? The main reason is that the speed and complexity of the NFL game usually takes players a few years to adjust to. So does this year represent a paradigm shift or an outlier? Use those exact terms to debate the issue with your dad…he will marvel that he has raised a gal with smarts and sports savvy.

Where There’s Smoke, They’re Fired – Now is the time of year where we guess which coaches are on the hot seat. It’s a brutal game, knowing that just a few losses could mean the end for head coaches and all of their minions. If you ask me, it’s unfair how quickly coaches are asked to turn around struggling teams, put in new systems and develop young players. Fans are hungry for immediate success these days and often it’s the coach who becomes the fall guy. Norv Turner, Ron Rivera, Romeo Crennel, it was probably nice knowing ya and we hope you find a nice cushy coordinator job somewhere next season.

Comeback Kids– Football is a game of redemption, and we are love seeing our favorite players battle back from injury or personal problems to get to top form.

Chicago’s defense has been much maligned the last few years, but so far this season, they’re playing insanely, on pace to score almost as many touchdowns as their offense. I knew when Brian Urlacher broke up with Jenny McCarthy that he would be laser-focused on knocking around opponents rather than just, um…knockers.

And Peyton Manning is back in a big way, with his mammoth-sized head and ‘aww shucks’ attitude making the Broncos one of the AFC favorites. If you don’t believe this is a game driven by elite players, look no further than the Broncos and their strong play against a very tough schedule so far this season.

On to the important stuff – Which players are looking finest on the field this year? Victor Cruz and his sexy end-zone salsa dance should make the league drop their excessive celebration penalty and encourage a free-for-all bump and grind. Clay Matthews and Troy Polamalu are both USC alums, but their strongest bond is the Adonis-like hair they sport. It flows from under their helmet like a stream of caramel and chocolate joy. It gives them their strength. If I were their opponent, I would sneak into their room at night and chop it off. And Tony Gonzalez, in the last year of his brilliant career, still has the best dimples in football.

So there you have it. What other reasons do you need to fall in love with American’s greatest sport? Hop your booty onto the couch, crack open a beer (or, ok, a glass of Pinot Grigio) and drink it all in. The playoffs will be here before you know it!

It’s that time of year again. Indian Summer is winding down, kids are back in school and my husband and I are settling down for our most special and intimate of marriage rituals. You know, the one where we gaze into each other’s eyes and ask lovingly “ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?!”

I am a girl who loves me some football. NFL or college, even Pop Warner, I am a student of the game and feel lucky to be part of the millions who are enthralled by the world’s greatest sport (sorry, Euro leaguers!).

Getting ready for some football!

NFL football really is the holy grail of all sports. Watching football with my husband is one of my greatest joys in life. Some of my best memories of our marriage center around us being insane fans of the Indianapolis Colts – flying back to Indy for playoff games, sitting dejectedly in our loft in San Francisco watching us go 3-13 in Manning’s rookie year, only to be elated when we were 13-3 the next. And sitting on the couch eight months pregnant watching our beloved Colties finally win the Superbowl, celebrating with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s while hubby chugged beers. A month later, my son’s labor was induced on Peyton Manning’s birthday. Are you getting that I love this game?

And being a woman who watches, it makes for some interesting party conversation. Most guys don’t expect you to debate the merits of a 3-4 vs. a 4-3 defense at the kids’ swim party or correct them when they say that defense wins championships (see paragraph two or Google ‘2007 Superbowl’).

There are so many women fans out there, but shockingly, football is still largely seen as game only men watch. Don’t you find it annoying when the commercials show hubby and all his friends gathered around the TV and the wife coming out with the empty soda/beer/trash/pizza box, an exasperated look on her face as she proceeds to berate her man about watching the game. Really?? Sorry, advertisers, but it’s 2012 and more likely than not, we are watching with our guys, or sometimes even without them. Perhaps they are busy changing diapers or doing the dishes. Ahem.

Come on ladies – if you’re already a football lover, you understand my passion and are probably convinced that the couple that tailgates together, stays together! If not, it’s easy to fall in love with this game, for so many reasons.

Football is a metaphor for life in general.

In the NFL, overcoming hardships is an everyday occurrence, especially during training camp when guys are discarded faster then J Lo’s husbands.

You want villains? Look no further than the hooded Bill Belichick, evil leader of the wildly successful New England Patriots. Often accused (and once proven) of cheating, he has teamed with pretty-boy QB Tom Brady and his backseat-coach wife Gisele Bundchen for five recent Superbowl appearances and three wins.

Heroes? There are plenty, from well-documented charitable stalwarts like retired Charger LaDanian Tomlinson to Pat Tillman, the Arizona Cardinal who left the NFL only to sacrifice his life in Afghanistan.

And redemption is the latest story line, with Mike Vick continuing his comeback with the Philadelphia Eagles, proving that an old dog CAN learn new tricks (if you don’t get that pun, ask a PETA member).

It’s a regular US Weekly.

You like celebrity gossip? The NFL is a hotbed of Hollywood hijinks, from The Jets’ Mark Sanchez’ latest conquest (Eva Longoria? Kate Upton?), to Rob Lowe’s inadvertent tweeting of Peyton Manning’s parting with the Colts, to poor Jessica Simpson still being blamed for the demise of wunderkind Cowboy Tony Romo. The story line week-to-week is fascinating…take a little trash talk, throw in loads of testosterone, top it off with millions of dollars and freakishly athletic bodies, and the potential for off-the-field distractions is off the charts!

So many ways to love it.

So go ahead, girls – jump in feet first. Pick a team and start to watch and read about them. Hometown team? Great. Maybe pick another team that’s in a different division, and follow them too. Join a fantasy league so you can learn about the individual players. Buy a cute jersey, wear it on Sunday, Monday night and the occasional Thursday night.

Read this cool blog and learn the basics of all that football gibberish. Imagine the surprise when you tell your man you know the difference between a blitz and a blintz, or ask him if quarterbacks coming through a West Coast offense system in college really ARE more successful in the pros. Football will breathe new life into any relationship!

If all else fails, check out Cosmo’s list of some of the hottest NFL players, and go from there. You’ll be glad you did. So get thyself to the gridiron, girls!