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Category: Musings

His heart is tender and filled with uncertainty. Have I hurt her? Is she angry with me? Can she love me for who I am?

I can feel the gentle tears his heart cries in the darkness, in moments of time and space when strength and protection has worn itself out and he is vulnerably exposed. I hear his need to be loved, held, cherished. In the core of his being there is a space incomplete without her presence, her love, caress.

He longs to feel her radiance shine over him, warming from the inside out. Too many times being himself has caused a separation, leaving aching emptiness in her absence.

I can see, hear, feel this heart of our masculine. Ravaged by the demands of his women – mothers, grandmothers, wives, lovers – falling short of her expectations that he always be strong, and ‘right’ in the way she desires. He’s left with a constant sense of inability to meet her demands.

The feminine has risen. She is alive and beating with the Goddess Life Force. On her way up, the heart of our masculine has been invisibly trampled upon, quieted. His hunger, his ferocity placed in a box so as to keep women ‘safe.’

And yes…she has been harmed by him over lifetimes. In no way is this dialogue meant to deny what the feminine has endured. We’ve been looking at it, rebelling against it, speaking our truth for decades. Our voice is strong. Our cries have been heard and responded to. And now…

Her charge is to love, honor, receive her masculine.

He needs room to rise again, in all his glory, power, strength – with his tenderness intact. I feel the masculine heart as such sweetness, such deep desire to love and please his Goddess. Her deepest pleasure becomes his greatest joy. His capacity to love, hold, care for her is boundless.

Lovers ~ Anne D Mejaki

The wound is not merely of the masculine upon the feminine. The feminine has bruised and punished and whipped her masculine into a shell of himself. His heart can no longer bear her raging fire. He buries his pain, cracks deep inside his chest – tucked safely away from her reach, from her view even. She feels only his resentment, indifference. The heartache is far from visible and nearly imperceptible.

In our need to balance, the masculine purity has been set aside. Protected, hidden away safely so as not to reap her wrath.

He needs her love. He needs her acceptance, her willingness to see beyond tired misconceptions of what it is to be an awakened man – IN HIS POWER.

In my connections with women, there is a predominant truth: we LOVE the masculine Force. We want him to bring his fire to our bed, his strength and comfort to our tears, his ferocity to match our own. And we thrive on the kiss, the touch – his full penetration of our body, heart, soul.

What I’m feeling is a present need to embrace our men as they are. Draw them close, give the anger and distance room to breathe, for beneath it lies an expansive heart with the desire to simply love and be held in love. Allow time and space to unravel the hurt between our two – masculine and feminine – without pointing fingers, seeking justice, making ‘wrong.’

Come together in sacred space. Open your heart, hold love as you share your deepest fears, most vulnerable hurts and tender, precious truths. Allow there to not be words, answers, resolve. Let Love both dissolve and become the language. Be so intimately present with one another. Feel your hearts rise together. Give room for our history of hurting one another to melt in the heat of holding Love’s intensity.

This is the call of the feminine – my feminine. I have witnessed myself in this time and space – seeing how I disarm the masculine in ways that hurt – often unknowingly. At times I hold him accountable for hurts that are mine, for being the Presence that he is. I’ve asked him to take ownership of my heartache, my joy, my ultimate happiness. It’s not his job. And yet, I find when I give him room to feel his own pure heart, he can so easily hold space for mine.

These energies dance between the dynamic of male/female, but the power we hold centered here is within the relationship of Sacred Feminine and Divine Masculine. The present reality is we are healing together. Our expansion is intermingled. Walking this human life, we are designed to need one another, to love deeply, to feel fully. Our work is to open, to soften, to let the wounds be seen, held, loved – transmuted – in the glowing light of day. One of our greatest powers is making love to change the world. Loving each other with sacred tenderness is our way through.

I’m engaged in an intense love affair – the kind of connection that wakes up my Everything. Her name…

Is KALI.

And She is a Fierce Lover. Her way is to hold steady, staying the course with continual arousal of my most intimately protected cracks and curves.

I’ve known of her for some time. A few months ago we found ourselves together under not-so-pleasant circumstances. I was certain she’s not my type – the OPPOSITE of my type in fact. The repulsion in myself was beyond a simple ‘no thank you.’ (Add a string of expletives spat in disgust of her ways.)

Kali was NOT for me.

Until…she was. I’ve found her to be incredibly attentive. She appears at the most unexpected times, stirring my emotions into a fiery whirlwind. The depth of her entry into my being has been mingled with fires igniting in my belly without warning. Burning consummation.

Our affair began when a beloved woman shared with me a more intimate perspective on Kali’s appetite for drinking blood – the blood of her kills. This very practice absolutely nauseated me when I first learned of it. Kali and I would NEVER be lovers.

So I thought…

I had always believed her to be a violent, raging, furious Goddess exacting her revenge. What I learned that day settled into the recesses of my being, those very dark crevices where the light is challenged to come through. Ever.

Kali drinks the blood because she knows her own power. The blood being spilled in her rage against ‘evil’ would simply regenerate upon touching the ground. Rather than cultivate more destruction, Kali drank the blood…

Because She has the power to transmute it into holy healing and love.

This…is the seed she has planted in my body over and over again…

REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE.

We burned together this last weekend. As women across the globe made their hearts, voices, presence known by marching – Kali and I were on fire, marching in my own body. What showed up as searing pain and fury became transmuted into Power, Remembrance, Honoring.

She held me close with tender kisses and the sweetest caress as I reached into the shadowy, dank corners of my body and consciousness to call back my spirit, my Ancient Feminine Power.

We made fiery, intense love over and over until my raw edges began to soften. As I writhed between pain and ecstasy, She held me close, whispering remembrance and holy, hot love into my being.

I love her madly. I bow to Kali’s love for me, her breath in my body, her tongue on my flesh. She has consistently shown up and loved me with penetrating passion and holiness, burning off my excess, purifying from the inside out.

We drank the blood together, pulsing as One being in holy motion. We called up our deepest power and transmuted – burning off the lies and antiquated programming that was never really ours to begin with. We sank with holy ecstasy into the afterglow, letting it consume us fully from this new space of being.

I love her. And I’m deeply grateful to her relentless pursuit of my sacred heart. Kali. My new Love.

She ebbs and flows ~ deeply, gently, fluently in and out of our heartspace. Her presence draws us further still into the blackened and intense depths of what it is to love, to be loved, to become her very essence. We are meant to give ourselves completely to her, and yet every barrier we have constructed through time and space gives us pause.

Love is a word too easily used in our language. We forget, sometimes, to feel her stirring us into remembering, into becoming spread wide open to receive her, penetrated to the core by her unraveling essence. But when we do, in those glimpses of time where She is ruler of all we think and feel and speak, in the moments we find ourselves lost to the impulses we can no longer hold back – in those beautiful, ecstatic, glorious moments we find ourselves catapulted into another reality, a very different way of being.

It seems all too often the human response is to pull back. Certainly because beneath our layers there breathes a programmed fear of Love’s pure and potent Life Force. Also, I believe, because we fear the void of her absence. In her continual ebb and flow there are spaces in which we feel she has left us–naked, alone, bewildered at the chasm she leaves in her wake. We sink into a state of wondering how we could have soared so high only to seemingly fall so quickly and with such great force.

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. ~ Rumi

What we are still remembering is She is not only the burning, stirring, blissful state of passion and expression. Love remains present in the void. In fact – She IS the void. She pulls us close as we enter into that seeming state of emptiness, of lack, of loneliness that leaves us longing for her return yet again. She is there, ever so gently rocking us, caressing and kissing our most tender places and remembering us into opening to her once again.

What is true, my friends, is Love is the very power of unbecoming. She breaks us wide open, pouring the dripping honey of her warmth into every barren crack and dry crevice. And even in the quiet, the stillness and illusory absence of her – she is there, stroking, breathing, loving us into yielding to her embrace.

So many of us have this rhythmic relationship with Love, unaware still of just how present and masterful she truly is. We’re unaccustomed to her subtle tones, the ones that beckon us to come into her, to surrender fully to her, even in those places we keep most protected for fear they become broken open and bleeding yet again.

Become her void. In the space where there is the sensation of love’s absence, call to her, giving all you are, all you have to the offering of your shared intercourse. She waits for you too, longing to feel you, to be given all the room she needs to inhabit your heart and movement in total. This is her deepest desire – to become one with you, to sensually move together through each ebb and flow. Let her come and devour you, satiating her hunger and yours in whatever way she will.

It’s not something we often hear or even imagine one woman saying to another. Instead there are sentiments of ‘Ugh, I got my period today.’ Or ‘I hate my period.’ Bit of a sad statement considering as women we bleed every month for much of our lives.

I envision a space where one woman can say to another ‘I started my bleeding today’ with a deep sense of her self, of her body, her holiness and the gift she is to be able to release every month what is no longer needed within her being. I imagine the woman to whom she is speaking responding with such warmth and honoring, with the consciousness of how uniquely coded our blood truly is, of all it carries–opens–awakens within us.

The time of our bleeding is one of deep power. It holds a thread that connects us to every other woman who is living or has ever walked on this Earth. We are bonded together through our blood, through our ability to give life in all forms, through our Divine Feminine lineage and legacy.

Artist Karol Bak

We are given this space every month in which to become still, fully present with our bodies. It becomes necessary for us to shift the ‘usual’ course of our lives, our activities, our eating habits, our emotions. Our bodies taking on fully the role of master as they orchestrate yet another great unveiling of the power we carry inside.

I wish for every woman to feel the sacredness present in her time of bleeding. I wish for her to share her experience with another woman who can hold a holy space of honoring her for the great Goddess and Creator she is. I wish for each woman to sink deep into herself with a knowing of the wisdom, creativity, nurturing, grace and beauty her blood offers to her.

The more we are able to tune into our bodies, our hearts, our wombs as women who bleed, the more aware we are of how this time works with us on a very unique and individual level. We begin to sense our time before the signs ever arrive. We notice the way our bodies gently and masterfully guide us into our own essence and the reverence of all we are.

Consider as a woman how it might feel to embrace this intimate and transformative sanctuary within yourself. Consider as a man how you can even more fully honor the women of your life with an open conversation and willingness to be present with her own personal story and experience around her bleeding. There is a beautiful and stunning unveiling awaiting us all in the conversation – of this I am certain. We have much to unlearn, unravel and awaken.

I was talking recently with a love of mine about my writing, specifically this next book I’m working on and its relationship to sexuality. With a gentle spirit, she suggested that perhaps I try writing from a place that isn’t about sexuality, so as not to ‘scare people’ away with that discussion. Although my initial response was to refute her words, to sink deep into the sensual and sexual nature I have labored so long and hard to fully liberate and claim as my own – I instead took pause and pondered her thoughts.

It leaves me with this: Does your sexuality scare you? Does mine? Are we still in a state of fearing ourselves, our expression, our gift to sense and connect on such intimate levels?

I feel there is so much more to ‘sexuality’ than what we know in our modern language or dictionaries. Look into any source of our time and it has to do with intercourse, with the physical body only. I wonder though – is that it?

My entire being responds with so much more. Contemplating the ancient wisdom and truths long before shame and guilt tainted our vocabulary, our bodies, our minds – it feels our sexuality is deeply connected with the very core and essence of who we are.

‘Sexuality’ has an entirely different sensation when felt through the heart. Our hunger to be sexually intimate comes from the heart, although it may be continually felt in the body – the call is of the heart. Our heart is our greatest power center. What rings true in that space is what moves us through life.

Feel the presence of your own sexuality – on every level. It comes as an awakening through the body. An increase in heartbeat, indicating increase in heart presence – if we allow it. The ancient temple priestess (also known in our time as the sacred prostitute) was the sexual, erotic, physical channel and manifestation of the Goddess. What did sexuality feel like in her body and being?

An expression of her holiness, of how she feels her self, her lover, her heart and this world. An expression of her heart’s love affair with the Beloved – the Divine.

Sexuality is a sacred language of love in its purest form. It feels like a continual wave of warmth, of renewal and awakening in her body, her cells, her core, her soul. She became filled with the juice that is the ‘blood’ of our knowing, our sensing. This is the blood – the Life Force and flow of our journey, our existence and expression. It contains life, death, rebirth. It holds the powers of healing, creating, awakening, unifying. All of this is our sexuality, only we haven’t known this expression, this vocabulary of the ancient Goddess.

Our sexuality is so much a part of our expression as human beings. How does one untangle it from all we are? To separate ourselves from our sexuality, to be frightened of its conversation, Life Force and presence is to fear who we truly are.

I sense this is only the start of a very lengthy conversation. There is so much more we have yet to explore and discover in our nature, in our sexuality as an expression of who we are.