Beatrice and Benedick have sharp tongues and a juicy feud based on mutual loathing.

Hero and Claudio are deeply in love and never argue at all. (Hero is a girl.)

Two old men start meddling.

Old Man #1, Don Pedro, engineers a gossip campaign to mess with Beatrice and Benedick and gives out that they each secretly like each other. The two believe the false rumors and get all flustered around each other. They go from being sparring partners to K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

Old Man #2, Don John, has a creepier plan. He frames Hero and makes it look like she’s cheating on Claudio. He does it because he’s mad at Don Pedro, who is his brother, but that’s a subplot and we don’t do subplots on What Happens in Shakespeare. We’re trying to fight the TLDR.

Claudio believes the vicious gossip. He dumps Hero. Now Hero’s heart is broken and the whole town thinks she’s a slut.

Hero’s father fixes everything by making Claudio agree to marry his “niece” – Hero in disguise. Claudio is happily surprised to see Hero, who forgives him.