Friday, June 30, 2006

So the Big Bluffer house lost its first two pundits yesterday as Martin voted out Ally McMoist and Robbie Earle, both of whom should be used to getting knocked out in the first round as befits ex-Scotland and Wimbledon players.

It's my turn to vote today and I'm sorry, but it's more upset for the ITV camp. My first choice for eviction is Gobby Logan, the blonde with a brain for football that I just can't take seriously. I really can't seem to get beyond the fact that she seems to be trying a bit too hard to be pretty. She reminds me of a Barbie doll with her perfectly coiffured hair and her designer clothes and long legs and that plastic permanent smile. Quite frankly, it's bordering on the disturbing. Yes Gabby, you may be smart, you may be friendly and you might even know your stuff when it comes to the beautiful game, but you look completely out of place presenting a footy programme. I don't want you on my TV and that's all there is to it.

And for my second choice, I'm going for Andy Townsend. This man has a stronger association with waffle than the entire Canadian maple syrup industry. When asked to comment on a given subject, he utters very little of any substance or meaning and is purely employed just to kill any silence that might pervade the airwaves. He might have been a good footballer (although even that's open for discussion) but when it comes to punditry, he's about as much use as an ejector seat in a helicopter. The man irritates me and he must go with all speed.

Goodbye Gabby, goodbye Andy. It's time to leave now... I'm handing the eviction baton over to Kedge who I think may be going for a certain Frenchman as his first choice...

It looks like I am reading the blog a day later than anyone else. Anyway - kedge - you have my vote for the Frenchmen. Mind you, when (not if) France loose against Brazil, he might be off anyway. Lets hope that Brazil will be on top form and that the FIFA do not change the the game of football in favour of diving in which case Henry will be, 'I am 'sad' to say', the favourite.

Well here we are, day 3, and I’d like to say what an honour it is to be able to evict the next 2 hapless inmates.

Firstly I would like to dis-associate myself from the odious practice of discrimination that seems to have preceded my choices. Poor Gaby Logan, thrown out just for being a “babe”, Ally McCoist for being Scottish. Some of these judges need a long course in “Equalities & Diversities”. That’ll learn ‘em.

Anyway, back to the matter in hand. In the interest for fair play I thought I’d wait until after the 1st round of the qtr finals had been completed. Then I thought what the heck! Will it make any difference? Answer was a big NO! So here goes………..Drum roll!

The 1st pundit to suffer the humiliation, and well deserved it is too, is…………….

Terry Venables.

Why? I hear you ask (Well some are asking why not?), so I’ll tell you.

EL TEL for one. What a stupid nickname. And before you rush to your keyboards in complaint, I know it was the press that coined that for him. But did he ever raise his voice in protest? No he did not. He bathed in it’s glory. And there is the fact that whenever a managers job becomes vacant, who’s name is first into the ring? EL TEL.And he was associated with Spurs! Then his performance in front of the camera. He sits there, waffles on and on, with that wide-boy cockney grin. And my main reason, the one solid reason for his dismissal……..

He’s on ITV. The televisual equivalent of reading the Sun. Sorry, but he has to go.

Pundit number 2.

Cue the drum roll again.

This dishonour goes to…………………………………….

Ruud Gullit. A Dutchman. That enough isn’t it? No? You want more? Well how can anyone take seriously a man who as a player looked like he had a chimmey sweep’s brush on his head. Maybe he moonlighted. Granted he wasn’t all bad as a player, but his leap into management was hardly covered in glory. Chelsea! Newcastle! Both struggled under him. And know he’s a pundit. And he is fluent in Dutch, English (well compared to McCoist), French, Flemish, and Bollocks. And not wishing to show any bias towards any particular TV station, but ITV just can’t produce good football coverage. So he too has to go.

The nation can now heave a collective sigh of relief as the task for day 4 get passed on like a baton in the 4x4 relay at the school sports day.