So last night I was writing up a blog about my embarrassing adventures out at San Diego Comic-Con. It was a good blog, chock full of me making an ass of myself.

Then, just as I was finishing it, my computer decided that 3:00 AM is the *perfect* time to auto-update. Shutting down and erasing the blog and several e-mails I was in the middle of.

Needless to say, I quickly became a pillar of incandescent rage. I'm glad nothing else was going on at three in the morning because this was the sort of anger that easily could have led to an Ovid-style metamorphosis. I was so angry that if something would have bit me during that first fifteen minutes, I would have manifested super powers and gone on a fucking rampage.

Eventually that blog will rise from the ashes, but for now the pain is still too close to the surface. So instead, I'd like to share one of my current geeky pleasures with you.

Ready? Here we go.

There were a lot of things I didn't get to do out at Comic-con. I didn't get to see Neil Gaiman or Joss Whedon. I didn't get to see the preview of the new Tron movie or go to any of the Firefly panels. Those panels were too full, and I'm not cool enough to hang with the beautiful people.

But I did have a good time. And one of the main things that made the trip worthwhile was the fact that I got to touch base with Felicia Day and the rest of the cast of The Guild as shown here in Exhibit A:

(Click to Embiggen)

It's well-known that I have a bit of a fanboy crush on Felicia Day. But that's nothing out of the ordinary. Any proper geek is morally obliged to have feelings for her. Aside from the fact that she was in both Dr. Horrible and Buffy, Felicia writes and produces The Guild. Plus she's good with math. And a gamer. And a musician. Anyone who claims they don't have a bit of a crush on her is just a fucking liar.

That said, the subtle subtext of this picture is harder to see. Specifically, it's the fanish crush I have for another member of The Guild cast: Sandeep Parikh.

(That's supposed to be a heart, by the way.)

For those of you are tragically out of the loop, Sandeep plays Zaboo in the Guild. But not only does he possess brilliant comedic timing and an enviable magic carpet. He writes and produces his own web series: The Legend of Neil.

Anyway, the story goes like this. Sunday I hit The Guild booth to buy some signed copies of season 1 and 2 to use for prizes in this year's Heifer Fundraiser.

Felicia recognizes me, smiles, and introduces me to everyone as that author guy who wrote that book. (I'm paraphrasing here, she was much more eloquent.)

That's when Sandeep looks up at me and says that he really liked my book. I look at him and I tell him that he is seriously funny and that I'm a geek for Legend of Neil. (I'm paraphrasing here too, I'm pretty sure I cussed a bit for emphasis. )

Our eyes met. Everything went quiet for a moment. We had a magical moment of shared geekery that might have eventually led to a hug.... but unfortunately there was a table in the way. Plus the two of us might be too manly for that sort of thing, anyway.

Now don't get me wrong. I love The Guild. But in terms of pure irreverent humor, The Legend of Neil is hard to beat. Plus Felicia plays the Fairy in episode three. Even if you never played Zelda, you'll laugh your ass off.

Those of you who have been reading the blog for a while know we did a fundraiser for Heifer International last year.

For those of you who are new to the game, you can see some of the details HERE.

In a nutshell, I started what I thought would be a little fundraiser, offering prizes and various other incentives to get people to donate. Things quickly spiraled out of control, other people in the Fantasy and Sci-fi publishing world pitched in, and by the end of it we had raised over 100,000 dollars.

So imagine my delight when Heifer's publication, World Ark, showed up this week and I found this inside:

(Click to Embiggen)

They're using us as an example of good fundraising. Go team us!

Seeing this has made me think of several things...

1. My hair looks pretty good in this picture.

2. We still need a good name for the fundraiser.

So far the best we've come up with is "Geeks for Goats" or "Worldbuilders Ink." I kinda like the second one, but it's punny. (Ink = Inc. Get it? Yeah. Not that funny.) What's more, the pun makes me wonder if the possessive apostrophe is really appropriate. Should it be "Worldbuilder's Ink" or maybe even "Worldbuilders' Ink?"

And as for "Geeks for Goats" well... it's kind of a silly name. While I'm not opposed to silliness, a fundraiser with a goofy name does not inspire confidence in donors. And we want donors. Many, many donors.

That means we need something clever, catchy, and subject-appropriate. Penny Arcade's "Child's Play" is a good example of a this.

3. In a couple months we'll be starting fundraiser version 2.0. That means....

If you'd like to donate something, like signed books, collectibles, or a cool service, drop me a line at paperback.contest (squiggly at thinger) gmail.com.

Last year most of the prizes were Sci-fi and Fantasy books, given out lottery-style. This year, with more time to plan, I think we'll be auctioning off some specialty stuff as well.

Some of the auction items will be things like signed books and one-of-a-kind manuscripts. Or services like having a pro author read your book and give you feedback.

Don't get me wrong, we'll still have the lottery prizes for people that want to donate. But in addition to that we'll be running auctions for the specialty items: things like, say, getting your name into The Wise Man's Fear.

So if you have stuff you'd like to donate to the cause, drop me a line. (Not money. That will come later. Right now I'm looking for stuff like signed books, memorabilia, stuff like that we can use as prizes.)

So stay tuned folks. It's going to be a good time.

pat

P.S. If you have any clever ideas for what we could call the fundraiser, comment below. We're creative people, right? We should be able to come up with something....

We landed in Rome after 17 hours of traveling and slowly made our way to the baggage claim.

While I've been excited about this trip, it's excitement mingled with a healthy dollop of terror. I find the thought of being in a foreign country vaguely frightening. Not because of culture shock, or pickpockets, or strange food. It's because of the language issue.

There are only about three things that I'm really good at, and communicating is one of them. Well, actually that's not true, it's not communicating in general, it's use of the English language. In English I'm clever and articulate. I'm funny. I'm persuasive.

If I have a superpower, it's probably my use of words. But now, suddenly I'm visiting a place where there is no yellow sun. I'm going to be powerless, and the thought is troubling to me.

I'm not entirely monolingual. I studied German for four years in high school, but that was a long time ago. I remember phrases like, "At least the sink still works" and "I have too many monkeys playing in my attic."

It would be hard for me to work these into a conversation even if I were going to Germany, which I am not.

Sarah has prepared herself. She listened to language tapes and bought a phrase book. She's proactive

She says, "Are you ready? Here's how you say, 'I don't speak Italian.'"

"That's a pointless phrase," I say. "Within two seconds of interacting with anyone, it's going to be blindingly obvious that I don't speak Italian. Why should I tell someone, in their own language, that I don't speak their language?"

Sarah gives me a look. She has many looks. You would too, if you had to deal with me on a regular basis.

"All I'm saying," I continue. "Is that if I'm going to learn a phrase, it should be something that communicates information that someone can't easily infer on their own. I don't need to learn how to say, 'I have a beard.' They can see that. I should learn how to say, 'I have been stabbed in the guts, and I fear my pericardium is punctured. Would you please summon an ambulance?' Or 'Where is the nearest methadone clinic?' Those might be useful."

"How about 'where's the bathroom?'" she asks.

"I can mime that," I say. "How do you say 'hookers' in Italian?"

That's pretty much where my instruction in Italian stopped.

So here I am, in Rome, walking to baggage claim, and utterly at sea.

Now normally this would be the part of the story where there's a dramatic reversal of expectation. I'm expecting things to be scary, but it's not nearly as bad as I'd feared.

Except it's just as bad as I'd feared. In fact, it's worse. After grabbing our bags, I go to the information booth to ask where I can change some currency. The woman there can't understand me, so she calls over someone else and I ask him. He points me in a direction and I wander off, feeling like a complete idiot. Not an auspicious beginning to the trip.

Another problem was that I'd been focusing on how hard it would be for me to get my point across to others. What I hadn't realized is that with no working knowledge of the language, I was effectively deaf. I can't understand a word being said by anyone around me.

This wasn't really a surprise, of course. But I was startled at how self-conscious it made me. As I walk to the baggage carousel, I pass a group of women who burst into laughter, and I become convinced that they are making fun of my shoes. I pretend that I don't notice, that I don't care. But of course I do.

I've been in another country for 20 minutes and I feel nervous and awkward. I'm confused and self-conscious. I knew there was a time difference between the US and Europe, but I didn't know it was big enough to make me feel like I'm in high school again....