Now that the NFL Lockout is over, we can turn our collective sighs of disapproval and general malaise completely toward the NBA Lockout (unless you have a real hard-on for chastising MLB officiating). I was fortunate enough to choose a season tickets “benefits” package from the Orlando Magic in case the season doesn’t begin on time and games are missed. I, of course, selected the package that requires Magic dancers to come to my house each morning and wake me up, but according to my ticket rep, that’s not an actual option and I need to “stop sending requests for autographed panties.”

Regardless, it was a harrowing reminder that this lockout is making absolutely no progress, and maybe it’s just because the NFL hogged the spotlight, but it seems like the NBA owners and players aren’t even trying. Thankfully, the Old Spice guy is here to provide us with a little humor to help us fans get through this mess, you know, before we completely abandon the NBA over the next few months.

Ron Artest Just Wants To Dance: Producers of the ABC reality series Dancing with the Stars recently vowed to actually have stars on the next season, as they have promised A-listers total control of practice schedules. How’s that working out, you ask? They got Snooki and Rob Kardashian. However, Ron “Metta World Peace” Artest is about to ink his contract to join the show, which says a lot about his faith in lockout resolution – the show begins filming in November, when the season would begin. Shawn Marion is also rumored to be joining the show.

LeBron James Came Out Of Hiding: Baron Davis coaxed the suddenly reclusive, self-anointed “King” out of hiding for the Drew League in Los Angeles this past weekend, and according to Pro Basketball Talk, he spoke very carefully with Warriors World TV afterward about what he enjoys about Southern California. Maybe during the lockout he can learn how to not treat every moment like a scripted event.

The League Will Bargain Eventually: The lockout started on July 1, mind you, so it’s just a little bit of bullsh*t that the league has finally sort of planned the first bargaining session just 26 days later. And it’s still not for two more weeks. Maybe I’m being an impatient dick, I can admit that. But then again, when you read that the players union is meeting about decertification and that means the owners could void every contract… I mean, call me crazy, but that can’t be good for the bargaining, right?