Aw, Crikey, mate! Welcome to Big Animal Hunting Co.'s Crocodile Hunting Department. If you're reading this, then you've got yourself a new show on the Discovery Channel job here at BAHC. Now, I won't fool you, crocodile hunting isn't easy and it takes a real man to handle all of the responsibilities, but you've got the job, so you must be a real man! Anyway, crocodile hunting isn't the main focus of the job. It's just a title that the company came up with to attract more clients. The main focus of the job is huntinganimals. Ofallkinds! The book is broken down into chunks to make it easier to learn. Let's start the discovery, mates!

The Author, demonstrating the correct technique for capturing crocodiles.

The first step to Guido Hunting is to know exactly WHAT a guido is. A, "Guido," or "Italian" is an Italian. They can be characterized by being extremely greasy, hairy and thinking that they're better than everyone else, especially because they are. Male guidos often wear muscle shirts and are have very dense muscular heads, though their intelligence is that of a 6-year-old. They can easily be distracted with a weight set or a mirror, as they are sexually attracted to their own reflections. Female guidos are known for their long, dark hair, Dark Tans and gaudy jewelry. Luckily, a female guido, though physically tougher than a male guido, can be rendered docile with a single punch to the face. When in this calm state, they can then be restrained, transported, and studied. To attract a guido, one must simply play loud jungle noises anywhere in the state of New Jersey. Upon hearing the music, the Guidos will gather and become distracted with food, drink and ritualistic mating dances.

A fish is any creature which lives predominantly underwater. There are noexceptions to this rule. Most fish have scales which cover the entirety of their body, which act as a kind of armor against any kind of attack. Some have skin, but we in the business like to call them "Freaks". To find most types of fish, you need a body of water, such as a lake, sea, swamp, or "The Ocean", that one song by Led Zeppelin, and you will need a boat.