If a girl seems unapproachable, it’s probably because she’s worth the trepidation: the momentary smile, the way she absentmindedly curls her hair around one finger while she chats with friends, the shape of her hips in those jeans. No eye-roll worthy pick-up line is going to suffice — you need to bring a pistol to this knife fight.

Be Napolean Bone-aparte

Confidence is key. You’ve got a dog in this race, and by dog we mean, your penis. But don’t let the wrong head craft your war plan. Tread lightly, because even if this isn’t your dream girl, treating the situation like it’s no ordinary come-on will mean success will surely be yours.

Leave the Cheese at La Fromagerie

And know what the hell a fromagerie is. It might sound crazy, but you need to have a classy conversation with a girl before you ever ask for her number. Knowing a thing or two about something other than football and basketball is the best way to get her interested. Pull out your smart phone and check what has happened in foreign policy that day, and come up with an intelligent and thought-provoking foray into a conversation. Smart guys are sexy, because they’re usually successful, but don’t sound too nerdy, or she might feel like she showed up to class without studying for the test. If you can sit down next to her, pull out your phone and act like you’re reading the news for the first time, and look over to her as though you just had to get her opinion on what happened.

Don’t Be a Guy Friend

The inherent danger in the non-sexual convo approach is that you might actually get along. You might unwittingly stumble into Just-a-friend-ville — and that’s no where you want to be. Make sure she knows you desire her: Every woman is flattered by subtle clues you want her. Make constant intense eye contact (win the staring contest!) and remember details about her life to bring up later in the conversation.

Be Sexy, Not Overzealous

In between chapters of conversation, inject delicate flirtations such as handing her a drink but holding it a few seconds too long. How you look at her should (and will) tell her everything about what you want, and who you are. Just don’t be creepy, or you’ve just blown your chances. Subtlety is key, after all, you just met, and she has a lot more to lose than you.

Set a Deadline on Your Next Chapter

If she’s worth all of this trouble, then you’re likely not the first suitor she’s encountered, and you’re certainly not the last — or even the best. Make sure you don’t end up a crumpled business card in the bottom of her purse by setting the stage for the next meeting. If you talked about wine, tell her you were thinking about going to a local winery or tasting and ask her along. If she mentioned she hates golf tell her you feel you both should give the entire sport a chance at the putting range. Make sure you’re not just asking her out on ‘to dinner,’ and she’s way more likely to be intrigued.

You might think it’s a guy’s job to approach the girl. You might think it’s inappropriate to, or will appear desperate, for you to make the first move. Or you might just simply be terrified of rejection. But the truth is, when you approach a guy, he’ll be taken aback and you’ve instantly secured the upper hand. In encounters with the opposite sex, even that small advantage can make or break control of the outcome.

The Eyes Have It

Direct eye contact from across the room is the easiest way to let a guy know you’re interested. Do it repeatedly and you’ll soon find most of the work of The Approach is already done. If necessary, work on your look. Try the Stare-Bashfully Avert Your Eyes-Get Caught Staring Again model. Or the Half Smiling-Little-Hand-Wave rendition. Try out different repertoires in different situations, and see what works best.

Fly Solo

Guys out on their own are a dime a dozen, but everyone knows hot girls travel in packs. If you’ve drifted away from your herd, you’re a stray cat on the prowl and need some petting. You’re on a hunt that’s all about you and no one else. Just be careful to appear independent, but not desperate.

Compliment Him

If you’re the type who throws caution to the wind, you can always go the complimentary route. If you are sartorially well-versed and spot a guy in, say, Armani, walk up and compliment him on it. Even if you’re wrong, if you can at least spot a nice suit, it will start a conversation. Just keep it going.

Ask for Advice or Help

It’s in a male’s nature to protect the females of their species, so take a lesson from Animal Planet. Come up with an elaborate rouse with your girlfriends and make sure they’re in on it. Walk up to him and ask him for his advice on a problem with your girlfriend — she’s having this issue with her boyfriend that only a man’s perspective can help solve. This has a tandem benefit: 1. It volunteers the information that you’re single: If you were in a relationship, you would have simply asked your boyfriend. 2. It makes him feel like he’s solving a problem for you, and you need him (and only him).

Go Through His Wingman

The method of approaching his best friend is the least straightforward but often the most effective. It’s also simple: Go up to his friend and ask him one question: “Don’t tell him I asked you, but does your friend have a girlfriend?” You know full well the first thing he’s going to do is tell his friend you’re interested in him. The bonus of this approach is, if it turns out he actually does have a girlfriend, it might turn out you get a shot at the wingman.

Fling Guys

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