Steve Doerschuk: Selecting the Browns own all-time Pro Bowl squad

On the day the NFL announces who made its Pro Bowl, Browns cornerback Joe Haden laments his team’s season. Browns writer Steve Doerschuk picks a Browns expansion-era all-star team, has Haden on it, and throws a few curveballs.

The Pro Bowl roster hadn’t come out yet. That would happen Friday night. Joe Haden observed the imminent announcement like the wise old 24-year-old he has become. With disdain.

“The individual goals are cool,” he said, “but at the end of the day, we won four games.”

He piled sarcasm and disgust on “four games.” He sounded like a veteran who understands how ridiculous a celebration looks from a guy on a team down by three touchdowns with one minute to play.

Even before Friday night’s announcement, Haden and several of his teammates had been getting some national love, though.

It was a sign the team playing out the string at Pittsburgh has a chance to perk up in 2014.

Pete Prisco of cbs.sports.com put out his own Pro Bowl team, one he claimed rose above the popularity contest the real roster has become.

Prisco appointed left tackle Joe Thomas, wide receiver Josh Gordon and center Alex Mack as starters. He gave Haden and safety T.J. Ward backup status and listed tight end Jordan Cameron as a near miss.

That’s quite a list for a 4-11 team.

Since 1999, Pro Bowls have had little relationship to the Browns. With that in mind, and with the entertainment value of the season in decline, here is my own alternative list — a view of an all-Browns Pro Bowl team.

The pool of players is anyone who has worn a Cleveland uniform during the expansion era, in the context of how well he performed for Cleveland.

Just for grins, after the “Pro Bowlers,” we’ll throw in a name that is more in keeping with the tragic comedy that has been the era:

QUARTERBACK

1, Tim Couch; 2, Kelly Holcomb; 3, Derek Anderson.

Remembering: Ken Dorsey. Ohio was unkind to him, as he lost to the Buckeyes in a national title game and posted a 26.4 passer rating in four games with the 2008 Browns.

RUNNING BACK

1, Jamal Lewis; 2, Peyton Hillis; 3, Reuben Droughns.

Remembering: Ben Gay. He disappeared as mysteriously as he appeared, never doing enough to qualify for a place on (as he called it) Mount St. Rushmore.

WIDE RECEIVER

1, Josh Gordon; 2, Braylon Edwards; 3, Kevin Johnson.

Remembering: Quincy Morgan. “Believe that,” his mantra went. He was at the center of the beyond-belief “Bottlegate.”

TIGHT END

1, Kellen Winslow; 2, Benjamin Watson; 3, Steve Heiden.

Remembering: Chad Mustard, an Omaha Beef arena legend before he was a Brown.

OFFENSIVE TACKLE

1, Joe Thomas; 2, Ryan Tucker; 3, Ross Verba.

Page 2 of 2 - Remembering: Orlando Brown. The penalty flag that flew into his eye in 1999 was a tone-setting omen for an era.

GUARD

1, Eric Steinbach; 2, Barry Stokes; 3, Shaun O’Hara.

Remembering: Scott Rehberg. He looked bigger than any building in Canton when he walked across the stage at the expansion draft ... in Canton.

CENTER

1, Alex Mack; 2, Dave Wohlabaugh; 3, Hank Fraley.

Remembering: LeCharles Bentley. Dreams of a fantastic free-agent signing went poof with a career-ending injury on his first day of training camp.

FULLBACK

1, Terrelle Smith; 2, Lawrence Vickers; 3, Marc Edwards.

Remembering: Owen Marecic. He was one of the least popular players to come through, maybe because of his innocent role as a small part in the Julio Jones trade.

DEFENSIVE END

1, Orpheus Roye; 2, Courtney Brown; 3, Kenard Lang.

Remembering: Stalin Colinet. A press-box poet still likes to sing a parody of a Doors classic, subbing the Stalin “Call-in-ay” name for “riders on the storm.”

DEFENSIVE TACKLE

1 Ahtyba Rubin; 2, Phil Taylor; 3, Gerard Warren.

Remembering: Shaun Rogers. What a grumpy cuss was he.

OUTSIDE LINEBACKER

1, Jamir Miller; 2, Kamerion Wimbley; 3, Willie McGinest.

Remembering: Dwayne Rudd. The 2002 opener was won. The stadium roared. Then, Rudd ripped off his helmet, drew a time-expired penalty, and prolonged the game into a loss to the Chiefs.

INSIDE LINEBACKER

1, D’Qwell Jackson; 2, Andra Davis; 3, Eric Barton.

Remembering: Wali Rainer. When Chris Spielman couldn’t play any more, Rainer had to. He always bled like a boxer at the top of his nose.