Kids are notorious for clamming up around their parents when there's something serious going on. So what's a frustrated mom or dad to do when there's something they need to their kids to hear, but they just won't listen?

Here's what you shouldn't do: blast it out on social media á la Jon Gosselin, of Jon and Kate Plus 8 fame. Gosselin has been loudly complaining for months, in interviews and on Twitter, that he never gets to see his kids and that Mady and Cara, his teenage twins, aren't speaking to him. The twins finally responded to his very public call-out in an interview with People and online.

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"The last thing I have time for is a toxic relationship [with my dad]," Mady said. "He makes it seem like we're being kept from him, which is insane. He should maybe spend some time thinking about why we don't want to see him, and maybe realize that if he ever does want a relationship with us, talking about us on TV is not the way to make that happen. He doesn't even know us — how can he dare talk about us?"

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Pretty good smackdown for a 15-year-old, right? She showed a lot more maturity than her father.

Unfortunately, messy family drama spilling onto social media isn't just a Gosselin family phenomenon. If a person wants to make a private fight public today, they don't take it to the streets, they take it to the Tweets. And it's a phenomenon that needs to end, says Elizabeth Lombardo, Ph.D., a celebrity psychologist and author of Better Than Perfect: 7 Steps to Crush Your Inner Critic.

"Parents are human and it's clear [Gosselin] feels unhappy and is reacting to that online but it's not smart," she says. "A fight in your living room can blow over, but a fight on social media is forever!"

Even more, using Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, or other social media platforms to argue with your kids hurts them internally and externally, and can cause irreparable harm to the parent-child relationship, she says.

"Because it's their parent who's publicly shaming them, kids internalize that as conditional love and it hurts their self-worth," Dr. Lombardo explains. "On the outside, they see this and think it's normal behavior in relationships and may perpetuate that in their future relationships."

Then there's this problem: Fighting on social media just doesn't work. Social media tends to inflame fights rather than help fix them, says Ariel Kornblum, a child psychologist with the Manhattan Psychology Group. "Social media does not solve problems; it perpetuates a back-and-forth that can easily devolve into hurtful statements." And that's putting it mildly, as anyone who's ever gotten sucked into an internet flame war knows.

It's hard to build or repair a real-life relationship on an online platform, adds Kornblum. "Choosing to hash out issues over social media not only strips family members of their right to privacy, it shows kids that parents are actively choosing to use social media instead of sitting and talking face to face with their children," she says. "No matter how much technology exists, there is no substitute for actively working together in person to solve problems."

So what is the parent of a child who isn't talking to them supposed to do? Lombrado advises that you should take a step back, do something to reduce your stress, and vent your feelings to a friend. Once you're calm, you can try communicating with your child in person, on the phone, or through private letters, texts, and e-mails — in that order.

"Just keep trying and don't give up," Lombardo says. "As long as you're speaking from a place of love and not anger, they will hear that."