I

You should never
have your best trousers on when you turn out to fight for freedom and truth.Henrik
Ibsen ['An Enemy of the People', 1882]

Life
doesn't make any sense, and we all pretend it does. Comedy's job is to point
out that it doesn't make sense, and that it doesn't make much difference
anyway.

Eric Idle (b. 1943) British comedian

The
next step will be for the colonists on Mars to throw off the hand of the United States.
There will be this wonderful historical irony. When the people on Mars write a declaration
of independence saying, ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident...’, the US
will be rather pissed off.

Eric Idle (b. 1943) British comedian

I
have lived to thank God that all my prayers have not been answered.

Jean Ingelow (1820-1897)
English writer

Colleges are places where pebbles are polished and diamonds
are dimmed.Robert Green Ingersoll

I would rather
live and love where death is king than have eternal life where love is not.

Robert Green Ingersoll

Faith is not making religious-sounding noises in the daytime.
It is asking your inmost self questions at night - and then getting up and
going to work.Mary Jean
Irion

A mother is the truest
friend we have, when trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity
takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our
sunshine, desert us when troubles thicken around us, still will she cling to
us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of
darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.

WashingtonIrving(1783-1859)

Pol Pot killed one point seven million Cambodians, died under
house arrest, well done there. Stalin killed many millions, died in his bed, aged seventy-two, well done indeed. And the reason we let
them get away with it is they killed their own people. And we're sort of fine
with that. … Hitler killed people next door. Oh, stupid man. After a couple of
years we won’t stand for that, will we? Eddie Izzard (b. 1962) British comedianDressed To Kill

We
stole countries! That's how you build an empire. We stole countries with the
cunning use of flags! Sail halfway around the world,
stick a flag in. "I claim India
for Britain."
And they're going, "You can't claim us. We live here! There's
five hundred million of us." "Do you have a flag?" "We
don't need a flag, this is our country you bastard!" “No flag, no country!
You can't have one. That's the rules...”Eddie Izzard (b. 1962) British comedian

The
National Rifle Association says that, "Guns don't kill people, uh, people
do." But I think, I think the gun helps. You know? I think it helps. I
just think just standing there going, "Bang!" That's not going to
kill too many people, is it? You'd have to be really dodgy on the heart to have
that. Eddie Izzard (b. 1962) British comedianDressed To Kill

What is it, Lt. Sebastian?

It’s the Rebels, sir. They’re here.

My God, man. Do they
want tea?

No, I think they’re after something more than
that, sir. I don’t know what it is, but they’ve brought a flag. Eddie Izzard (b. 1962) British comedian(re: British actors playing all the bad guys on the Death Star)

Performance-enhancing
drugs are banned at the Olympics. Okay we can swing with that. But
performance-debilitating drugs should not be banned. Smoke a joint and THEN win
the 100 metres, fair play to you. That's pretty
damned good. Unless someone's dangling a Mars bar in the distance.