We sure have had some good times, haven't we? Back when you were in navy flight school and partied it up, dating exotic dancers, crashing airplanes... Good, clean American fun. There was that time you cheated on your wife, and that time you got involved in the Keating Five scandal and were chastised by the Senate ethics committee. Good stuff. Oh, and remember that time you said Chelsea Clinton was so ugly because her father was Janet Reno? A classic.

But lately, something seems different. I don't know, maybe it's me, maybe I've changed. But somehow it's just not funny anymore when you refer to Vietnamese as gooks and when you talk about tar babies. Sure, at the time, I rocked out as you serenaded me with your cover of the Beach Boys song Barbara Ann. You remember how it went, right? Bomb Bomb Bomb, Bomb Bomb Iran? Anyway, looking back, it all seems played out.

Like most girls, I thought your vicious sarcastic streak and your explosive temper were attractive because it made you dangerous and exciting. You were such a bad boy. But I've grown up a little now, and I just don't think it's cute anymore when you tell people like John Stewart that you brought them back an IED from Baghdad.

I know this might come as a big shock to you. I bet you thought we were doing just fine, didn't you? But to tell you the truth, I never wanted this to be a serious, committed relationship. And now you're talking about staying in Iraq for 100 years? That's a bit more commitment than I had in mind.

Look, I think you're nice and all, but I just don't think you're the right person for me. I don't really see this working out. Don't take this too hard, but there's a reason we broke up that first time, and we've just proven the old saying that you shouldn't date your exes again. So, I've decided that we should see other people. I know I already have. Best of luck, John.

May your day be as special as you are my friend. May your dreams come true & may U achieve all that U aspire for on this your special day. May you be blessed with joy, love, peace & good health now and forever! Oh Wow!!Ahaa......Be happy always!