tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7052892652885729518.post187307452374301586..comments2016-08-20T17:17:33.126-04:00Comments on There's No Crying in the War Room: Chapter TwoNathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00648438549121320566noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7052892652885729518.post-89287086000211241532008-01-01T21:31:00.000-05:002008-01-01T21:31:00.000-05:00The pacing on this one is excellent -- and your di...The pacing on this one is excellent -- and your dialogue flows very naturally.<BR/><BR/>On the structural thing - I would guess that it's either the fact that it's a dialogue-oriented chapter following a description-oriented chapter -- OR -- that it weaves in some of Rachel's POV. Although - it's a tad unclear - whose POV you're using since it seems to be both. If you are shifting POV the rule of thumb is usually that it's done for a whole scene, or chapter, of a book, rather than shifting within a scene.<BR/><BR/>And - same disclaimer as Ariadne as well - I've read a ton of how-to-write books, I've written a grand total of one novel and three short stories, and I'm wholly unpublished. I'm sure no expert and the bottom line is, you tell YOUR story. :)Jerihttp://smugpuppies.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7052892652885729518.post-78853588906836213422007-12-31T14:01:00.000-05:002007-12-31T14:01:00.000-05:00By the way, though I was not technically sucked in...By the way, though I was not technically sucked in, what you wrote wasn't crap.<BR/><BR/>But not crap is not the same as drawing in... but you know that. :) Freelance writers have the same problem as fiction writers do. But the audience expectations are probably different.<BR/><BR/>But you know, I may not know....Arachne Jerichohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06168877097725111802noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7052892652885729518.post-61081168223324551352007-12-31T13:57:00.000-05:002007-12-31T13:57:00.000-05:00Well, I got this far because I wanted to see if I ...Well, I got this far because I wanted to see if I could help out a fellow writer.<BR/><BR/>If I were a normal reader, I would not have continued onwards.<BR/><BR/>Apologies, because this IS good stuff, but I am fickle in bookstores and online. I think there must be a fair amount of readers like me. Fiction is not like non-fiction in many ways.<BR/><BR/>However: that's just my opinion.<BR/><BR/>I learned--through Share Your Work on AbsoluteWrite, which is full of quite clueful people, including professional writers--that people are impatient. They don't care particularly much if you're setting up for later. So set up, but make it... I don't know right word... catchy.<BR/><BR/>There are definitely ways to settle in without, say, doing something hokey like a gunfight first thing, but ... beginnings are difficult. Start with change and the character moving--whether he's walking or doing needlepoint or about to go into a weird audition that he doesn't quite get. Get him into the unknown quick. No gunfights necessarily needed.<BR/><BR/>Not sure if that was as helpful this time around.Arachne Jerichohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06168877097725111802noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7052892652885729518.post-70358242342435448232007-12-31T08:40:00.000-05:002007-12-31T08:40:00.000-05:00Arachne Jericho,Thanks for your comments on the fi...Arachne Jericho,<BR/><BR/>Thanks for your comments on the first two chapters. I don't want to get very specific in any response,yet, as I'd love to get some more opinions unpolluted by my own, but I <I>will</I> say that I set things up the way I did for a very specific reason. Whether or not its successful remains to be seen. Hopefully, as a few more chapters go up, my madness will reveal its method...or something like that.<BR/><BR/>OTOH, you got this far without going, "Bah! What is this crap?" See how I've sneakily sucked you in?<BR/><BR/>Anyway, thanks for reading. Thanks for commenting. Hope you'll be with us for the long haul.Nathanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00648438549121320566noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7052892652885729518.post-72610760965885388082007-12-31T00:48:00.000-05:002007-12-31T00:48:00.000-05:00I'm in the same boat, since I have a story I'm tel...I'm in the same boat, since I have a story I'm telling in 500-word snippets, and uh it's a mystery so it will be BAD when the last part comes up and first-time readers stumble across it. :)<BR/><BR/>At the same time, I am loathe to tinker with the natural order of things, unless it's the theme. If people re-visit, I want them to find the last bit of the story easily.<BR/><BR/>I'll probably do something inbetween, like hack in peekaboo posts. But that's just me, who tries too hard sometimes.<BR/><BR/>Okay, I'll pretend to be a writer again. Here's the proverbial bag of salt.<BR/><BR/>My comments: <BR/><BR/>- YAY! This rolls along way better than the first chapter. If you had the action bits of the first chapter (excising most of the back story) and this I would be happy as a reader. I identify with your main character (Paul? If he is your main character) much more here than previously, when he was more sort of an anthropomorphic essay on the American condition.<BR/><BR/>Just my opinion.Arachne Jerichohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06168877097725111802noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7052892652885729518.post-9318488595533151392007-12-31T00:14:00.000-05:002007-12-31T00:14:00.000-05:00Thanks for that. I actually just got a PM from so...Thanks for that. I actually just got a PM from someone else telling me the same thing and had a "Duh" moment. Hope you enjoy the story.Nathanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00648438549121320566noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7052892652885729518.post-90789355722415708872007-12-31T00:03:00.000-05:002007-12-31T00:03:00.000-05:00On re-ordering posts, change the dates so that you...On re-ordering posts, change the dates so that your first chapter has a later date than your second, etc. Blogger does show posts from the future and doesn't hide them.<BR/><BR/>It's very strange, but the feature for ordering blog posts oldest first (without dinking around with dates) is still a feature request.Arachne Jerichohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06168877097725111802noreply@blogger.com