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How To Be a Minimalist Parent

Being a minimalist parent is how I manage to stay sane while raising and homeschooling 7 kiddos, while carving out time for my own goals and passions. Have you ever wondered how to be a minimalist parent?

More about this in a minute. First, a story.

Recently I joined a dozen or so fellow Atlantans for a meetup. We got together to meet Ryan Nicodemus and Joshua Fields Millburn of The Minimalists.

At the meetup Joshua repeated, “It’s not really about the stuff.” Meaning that everyone knows how to get rid of clutter. The bigger question is why theydon’t. What are the emotions attached to the stuff? And what is it you really want?

At the heart of minimalism is knowing what you really want.

As for me? I want to focus on my family, my spirituality, homeschooling and my blog. I want a peaceful life with plenty of margin. I don’t want a visually cluttered home, or a cluttered schedule. I don’t want to spend a lot of time cleaning stuff, moving stuff around, packing stuff up. I would rather grab a kid or two and read a great book aloud. Or cook something for my family.

I offer:

How To Be a Minimalist Parent

1. Rethink everything society has taught you about what kids “need”.

“A newborn baby has only three demands. They are warmth in the arms of its mother, food from her breasts, and security in the knowledge of her presence. Breastfeeding satisfies all three.” —

Grantly Dick-Read, author of Childbirth Without Fear

A lot of what we think kids need in order to be happy and well adjusted is simply this: what we can afford to give them. But is that really true?

Children don’t need Nintendo. They don’t need TV (we didn’t even have a TV for many years). They don’t need iPods and other gadgets that let them be alone even while with their family.

They need parents who are available and engaged (enough). They don’t need a lot of extracurricular activities. They do need plenty of time – preferably, several hours a day – to just be kids and play. (And I’m talking about doing their own thing play, not adult directed play. That doesn’t count!)

Think back to your own childhood. What did you have? What did you need?

Children need freedom within proper boundaries. They need a consistent full time caregiver. Hopefully this is their own imperfect mom. They don’t need their own bedroom or expensive wardrobes.They need healthy, home cooked food (at least most of the time).

2) When you need stuff, try to borrow it. Then, get rid of it as soon as you don’t need it.

When you have kids, clutter seems to be attracted to your home. I find that I have to beat it back constantly. Of course, when you have children you do need more stuff than when you don’t have kids. But you can always get the stuff you need, then get rid of it as soon as its purpose is extinguished. Saving stuff for subsequent children isn’t always a good idea. I list some of the reasons why here.

Choose a few classic, well made toys that don’t do anything on their own.

Wooden blocks, LEGO, dolls, board games are the big hits here. My girls play with their dolls, and they draw and read a lot. The boys enjoy learning and playing music, LEGO, and building things (from a homemade guitar to coin-operated candy machines). Mostly we talk, play outside, spend time playing with the baby.

People will give you lots of stuff when you have kids, which is a blessing. It’s also a curse, especially if they don’t understand your need for minimalism, and the life values you’re trying to teach your children. Don’t feel guilty about getting rid of stuff that you don’t need. Bless someone else with it. Giving is relinquishing ownership (at least, it should be). Therefore, if someone gives you something, what you do with it after that is your business.

If you have to keep some kind of complicated system to keep up with your and your kid’s appointments, maybe you have too much going on.

Just like organizing is simple when you have only the necessities, living a life in harmony with your highest values is easy when you don’t have a jam packed schedule. Any parent to babies and toddlers can tell you that they don’t like to rush around running errands and such. What’s less commonly known is that older kids don’t like it either.

The system we live in is designed to keep people so distracted, stressed and “busy” that they don’t connect with one another (much less their Creator). It’s possible to unsubscribe from all that.

Comments

You know it drives me kinda crazy when people complian about being so stressed because they’re too busy. I have a friend who I used to meet weekly for lunch but has been too busy. So whenever I text her lately she says ‘sorry’ way too much… I feel like telling her to stop being sorry for the choices she’s made!! I mean, she’s the one in control of what she gets to do with her time.

Your post just really brought that up for me because I see so many people thinking they have no choice over the things and the tasks they let into their life.

Great article! Your points are a paraphrase of the conversation that’s been going on in my head lately. I’m glad I read this today, as I’m further convinced that I am doing the right thing, packing up half of my children’s toys, clothes and decorations, etc that nobody will miss. Time to get it out of here.
My children would rather be in the kitchen cooking with me or weeding the garden (or picking veggies before they are ripe:) than playing their plethora of toys.
We’re ready for a change. Here’s to a more simple and fulfilling life.

Been on a minimalist journey as a family for half a year now. And the process is hard. Especially when you have tons of stuff and have many littles. I have 3 under the age of 5 and one on the way (this week that is). But I love it. Why? Because it is freeing to not have items you don’t really need be in the way or take up space. We downsized from a suburban home to a lower duplex. I minimized a lot before the move and it wasn’t enough. Had to sell a ton more after the move. I felt bad because a lot of the items I was getting rid of were toys. But these were items I watched them not miss or not use. I think people are going towards this lifestyle because they’ve been living on go-go, or just responding to life instead of being in control or feeling like they need to give their kids the world when all they really need is something so cheap but yet so valuable and this is our love, time and attention.

Yes, yes, yes! This is my goal. I have been removing stuff from my life for about 2 years and my kids have jumped on board. We used to save stuff for the next kiddo and now as soon as one child out grows it gets sold or donated by choice of the owner. My 3 year old regularly brings me toys that she’s tired or outgrown and my 1 year old is quickly learning. They don’t get attached to stuff, instead they are attached to each other.
It’s taken awhile but my home only contains things I actually enjoy and as I’ve learned to get rid of the excess I have also reduced my commitments so my family gets to enjoy life, not just survive it!