After a string of failed romances with other animated characters, Tokyo gamer SAL9000, who is a real person, married Nene Anegasaki, a fictional character from the popular Nintendo DS game Love Plus. Before departing on a honeymoon to Guam, Nintendo congratulated SAL9000 and reminded him, once again, that his DS warranty does not cover semen-related damage.

Swedish police have cleared a man who was arrested for allegedly murdering his wife. Instead, they’ve decided that the woman was murdered by a homocidal moose. Police say they were able to trace the crime to a moose thanks to the distinctive knuckle print that it leaves in the crotches of its victims.

An Alabama woman named Jesus Christ was dismissed from jury duty for being too disruptive during court proceedings. Although she disappeared shortly after her dismissal, a close friend of the woman promptly disclosed her location to police in exchange for 30 pieces of silver.

A Georgia man dressed as an elf was jailed earlier this week after telling a mall Santa that he was carrying dynamite. The mall Santa says he became suspicious when the Elf climbed into his lap, and the Santa felt the dynamite in the elf’s pants grow larger, throb, and then discharge a wet, sticky substance, causing the elf to become very sleepy.