5.07.2010

Ten Things...

...I Learned From Bailey's Moving & Storage

Once upon a time I spent my summers between school years as a "professional" mover. This past week Salt City has been moving offices, so I have had to put aside my busy slate of designing sexy vampire candles and return to my manual labor roots. Let's just say a lot of repressed memories have started to surface.

10. The only training necessary to become a bonafide professional mover is to watch a 30 minute video, after which a supervisor will tell you to disregard half of it.

9. It's never good to be the fifth man stuffed into a two man truck cab, especially when the other four are Tongans.

8. If the dispatcher tries to recruit you for a "small" office move at 3:00 on Friday afternoon, run like hades.

7. Avoid eye contact with the 80-year-old curmudgeon who refuses to retire. He's just looking for some young whipper snapper to lecture.

6. Two out of the top three ugliest people in the world are Bailey's employees (Randy Johnson is the third).

5. Sure, smoking might be bad for you, but you get to take twice as many breaks.

4. How to prepare an authentic Tongan meal: Buy a whole rotisserie chicken, a loaf of french bread, and a 12 pack of Mountain Dew. No utensils required. Feeds one.

3. Moving always takes longer than you anticipate.

2. The only way a 17 hour work day can get any worse is the sad realization as you are driving home at 11:30 p.m. that it is also your birthday.

The only reason we got to watch the video was because the first Friday of the summer was a slow day, so they had a bunch of the newbies stay at the office for "training."

I wasn't driving the truck of Tongans, unfortunately. Instead, I was the last man in, and it felt like I was sandwiches between the dashboard and windshield. My entire right leg was completely numb by the time we got back to the office.