Because no matter what kind of boneheaded beliefs they tried to foist on you in the name of "raising you right", at least they didn't name you something undignified, antagonistic, and likely to get you beat up the first time you leave your podunk whitey-white town:

(safe for work, though some of the links in here are not and are labeled as such):

I know, you've all seen it, and so have I, but it's such CONCENTRATED GOODNESS that it's ALWAYS appropriate to revisit: Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing.

For instance, did you remember that someone seriously named their kid Lucida Grande Zenobia? Luckily, no one except other extreme geeks will realize the baby is named after the "new" Macintosh flagship typeface, and those geeks are not capable of being up the kid, and at least she can tell everyone that her name is "Lucy."