It’s terminal. I don’t really have a time frame. I only know that when it happens, it will be sudden and over quickly. My best guess is in the next few months. And it will be sad. I love this car. I have so many amazing memories. It was the first family car we bought […]

There are eight Michael Green’s in our phonebook. Each one got a letter from me. Only one knows what the hell it was for. On the first day of public high school my freshman year, he made me stand up in front of the entire English Class. What does your shirt mean? Rage Against the […]

While I am mentally preparing for an upcoming, probably painful, permanent embellishment tomorrow, I wanted to share something with you. Today is the first roll of the ball on some totally amazing things I have set to launch this year. This will serve as the foundation on which I will be producing lots of other […]

Hey! Did you wanna maybe hang out outside or something? We can go for a walk if you want? No thanks. It’s actually not super hot out, right now. The breeze really cools things down. Pass. Are you mad at me? It feels like you’re mad at me. Like, there’s tension? Do you know what […]

I can confidently say, up until about 5 years ago, I didn’t know who the fuck I was. As a person. Like that metaphor in Runaway Bride (shut up, you totally saw it) when Julia Roberts realized she had no idea who she really was based on the simple fact that she didn’t even know […]

The guy who sat in front of me in Political Science 145 smelled like a mix a baby powder and vinegar. I was stuck behind him because the professor made us sit in alphabetical order. His last name was Boda. I remember it because it sounded like soda, which reminded me of baking soda, which […]

2009 was weird. Like, good weird and crappy weird. Financial ups and downs, babies, new ventures, unexpected illness, the Gosselin divorce (Hello! Left field!), New Moon, unexplainable loss, GLEE, vasectomies, I don’t know…lots of stuff happened. I know most people enter the new year with resolutions. Working out, eating better, drinking less, more reading, better […]

Originally posted on the website Aiming Low, reposted here for posterity. My house is messy. My boys are needy, OMG MAWWWWWWM, GET ME STUFFS, ANY STUFFS, NOWWWWWW, WAIT HALP! THERE IS POOP ON MY FOOT, SOMEONE POOPED ON MEEEE, WHERE ARE MINE LEGOS, WHY DO YOU HAAAATE ME, MAKE ME A CHOCOLATE SAMMICH WITH THE […]

Ok so, I am here. In New York City. It’s super big and kinda smells like pee. And meth. I’m not gonna lie, I got into my hotel, took off my bra, and spent the next 30 minutes sitting in the bathtub begging my husband to come get me on the phone. Like, fucking now, […]

Originally posted on the website Aiming Low, reposted here for posterity. Looking to get kicked in the nuts while simultaneously realizing you are the worst parent ever? Send your kids to preschool. You potty train(ish) them. You tell them not to hit or bite. You go over counting to ten and pointing out shapes and […]