In my four days in Denver I managed to black out twice and eat about 2,085,624,765,276,234 calories. I don’t even remember ordering chicken wings but apparently requested them by screaming “Barkeep! Give my your highest calorie item on the menu!” The next morning my friends didn’t use the word “eating” to describe my wing experience, they asked me if I remembered “running the train” on some chicken wings… Classy. I didn’t believe my friends when they told me but luckily they had proof:

You’re welcome for that picture.

Once we returned from the bar, I managed to eat an entire container of salsa. Although I’m not sure how much of it actually made it in my mouth after inspecting my clothes the next morning. Let’s hope salsa stains come out.

The second night I left the bar early to go get Nachos (naturally) and then puked them up a few hours later on Colin’s sheets (naturally). So those calories don’t count, right? Sorry, Col.

My credit card company automatically puts a freeze on my account when there are charges out of state. Let me just say that nothing feels closer to rock bottom when you’re hungover and your credit card gets declined trying to pay for a $3 meal at McDonald’s. Winner.

I didn’t work out once in five days, unless you count the snow covered mile long hike in Estes park that I tried to do in Chuck Taylor’s… I fell at least 20 times.

I also enjoyed a lot of delicious food and wonderful company. It was a hell of a time and a thank you to my friends for making it so great.

It’s no surprise that after a week like that I feel heavier than ever. I decided not to weigh myself this weekend because I’m pretty sure I’d been on a ledge somewhere if I did. I’ll be braver next week.

Luckily, one of my friends has decided to train with me and get me lifting again. He’s been kicking my ass and it’s awesome. I’ve been sore everyday this week in addition to my usual runs which has been great. I’m also back to playing soccer which is obviously my favorite form of working out.

In an effort to get my lard ass back on track, I’ve signed up for this site: http://www.livestrong.com/myplate/ . It’s awesome and a great way to keep track of calories consumed/burned for a bingy like myself.

I was supposed to run 8 miles on Saturday but didn’t move from the couch because I was too busy nursing a hangover. Idiot.

I finished my 10K in 53 minutes. I was pleasantly surprised at my time considering I showed up with a serious burr in my ass and was not in the mood to run. By mile 3 I was back to my chipper self and enjoyed the rest of the race. I stuffed my face with one of the free burritos they handed out after the race and felt on top of the world.

Later that day, I decided to tailgate for the Portland Timbers game… because tailgating for soccer is normal? Anyway, I drank way too much and ended up eating like 3 hot dogs and 2 ice cream cones, basically canceling out any calories I burned during the race.

Now for the bad news. I finally weighed myself and learned a valuable lesson: You can’t eat whatever you want during training. It’s not that what I’ve been eating is unhealthy, it’s just the amount. Excuse me for thinking burning 900 calories a day would give me some wriggle room. So, I’m back to where I started… and then some. 168.8. Shit. One more reason it’s important to do weekly weigh-ins.

I’m off to Colorado tomorrow! I’m stoked to see my friends. Their whole MO seems to be to make me eat 6,000 calories a day so I plan on enjoying myself and the food while I’m there. I’ll start a stricter diet when I return.

I’m going to try and ditch refined carbohydrates and eat a lot more protein in hopes that will help me lean out. I think I’m going to keep a food journal, too.

I DID IT! I finished the half marathon with a time of 1:57… That’s less than a 9 minute mile with only 3 weeks of training. I don’t mean to toot my own horn but “TOOT! TOOT!”. It was SO much fun and I really felt like life was the tits after I finished. I think I understand what “Runner’s high” is now. It’s similar to the feeling I get when I see an all-you-can-eat buffet. Pure excitement. I think I even like running more than drinking. Lord knows I’m better at it.

All this has inspired my new goal: Run at least one half marathon every month. I’ve got them booked through October, but still need ones for August and September.

I asked myself what’s the hardest, least fun way to ring in my 25th birthday. Of course the answer was to run a half marathon the weekend before and the weekend after. My birthday is June 15th (write that down), and I have races the 11th and 18th. The second one I’ll be running in California so I’m super pumped to have my family there making fun of me and throwing cabbage at me as I cross the finish. Kidding… sort of.

I’m actually really starting to enjoy training, too. I’m still doing the stairs for 30 minutes then running 4 miles Mon-Fri and 8 milers on the weekends. It’s making me have a crazy appetite but what else is new.

I didn’t get a chance to weigh myself this morning because I got up at 6:30 to go to the gym. I did notice I have abs again, though. They haven’t made an appearance since roughly 2004. I welcomed them back with open arms and a form-fitting tank top.

I’m feeling pretty pumped for my half-marathon on Sunday and can’t wait to run it. I carbo-loaded on vegan food from the Better living show and 2 bottles of organic wine on Saturday to prep for my 12 mile run on Sunday. I ended up only running 10 miles, mostly because I got bored and had chub rub. This week I’ve been doing a half-hour on the stairs at the gym and then coming home and running another 4 miles to make sure I’m ready. I think I’m going to keep this up after the run now that it’s getting nice out and I love running on the waterfront at night.

I signed up for the Cinco de Mayo half-marathon on May 8th. I figure if I keep signing up for races, I have to stay in shape. That’s also less time I can spend binge eating on my couch watching “Teen Mom”.

I’ve decided I’m no longer allowed to buy nuts. Specifically cashews. I was waiting for a prescription to be filled at Safeway and decided to grab a snack. I opted for a box of cashews and ate about half the box before I flipped it over and realized there were 13 servings in that container…. and one serving is 150 calories. You’d think this would make me stop, but I continued until about 3/4’s of the box was gone.

I’m sick of weighing myself every Friday because, the truth is, I just don’t care. I’m in some of the best shape of my life and I feel great. That being said, I think it’s important to the blog to keep doing it. It’s also good to keep myself accountable. This week’s weight: 161.2

I’m taking today off and running 4 miles tommorow and then the big race on Sunday.

If I don’t make it, please make donations in my name to “The Human Fund”.

It was a pretty chill weekend. I went for a 4 mile run on Saturday and then an 8 mile run on Sunday.

I was feeling pretty proud of myself until I got to work Monday and saw the giant birthday cake sitting at the desk across from me. I love birthday cake. I had a giant piece and didn’t beat myself up about it, since it was nice out and I planned on going for another long run that night.

I walked in the door of my apartment and realized I was still really hungry and couldn’t possibly go for a run on an empty (not really empty) stomach… So I went to Safeway and bought some Triscuits and a brick of sharp cheddar cheese. Then went home and tried to have just a few slices with crackers… I’m sure you won’t be shocked when I tell you that the outcome of this story was me not going for a run and eating an entire brick of cheese while watching Dancing with the Stars. AN ENTIRE BRICK OF CHEESE. That’s like 900 calories! Barf.

I felt like a real Sasquatch on Tuesday but was back on track. I got to the gym after work and a guy I always notice but never talked to called me out for not being at the gym the day before and asked me where the hell I was. I didn’t have the heart to tell him about the cheese so I just said I skipped. What he said next made my year: “It’s just that you’re ALWAYS here. Why are you so dedicated? You’re getting skinny as shit.” Do you hear that, people?! SKINNY AS SHIT! I almost took him into the sauna and made out with him I was so happy. That was enough motivation to make sure I hit the gym for the rest of this week.

The weigh in this morning was 162 lbs. I don’t really care because I can definitely see more definition and tone on my body and my pants fit better too. I don’t have to suck in to button them…

I have my half-marathon coming up next weekend so I’m going to do a 4 mile run on Saturday and a 12 mile on Sunday. I’m pretty sure I can do it but we’ll see.

For those of you in the Portland area, I’ll be working the Portland Better Living Show this weekend slangin’ Dr. Kracker. Feel free to stop by and sample/buy some delicious vegan products! I’m only working Saturday but the show goes on Fri-Sun.

I’d like to start by talking about what happened Friday night: I got to the gym and was NOT feeling it. At all. I did a pathetic half hour of cardio and then went to Safeway on my walk home. I bought 2 cartons of blueberries and some crackers, which were meant to last me the week. I got home and made a salad for dinner along with some bulgar. I polished off those and then dove into the blueberries… 2 cartons later I had moved on to the crackers. Finished those. Then in the middle of a riveting episode of “Super Nanny”, I needed some chocolate. I decided if I ran to the convenience store it would make it okay. I ran into a problem once I got there though, how the hell am I supposed to pick between Milkduds and Reeses Pieces? Buy them both of course! Here is what took real talent. I finished the Reeses WHILE running home. I finished the Milkduds once I got home. It’s amazing I’m still single…

The funniest part is my friend, Kristin (don’t worry, she gave me permission to use her name), texted me a similiar story the next day:

“I ran 2 miles today and my only motivation was that I told my fatass to run to McDonald’s and then proceeded to scarf down two double cheeseburgers. I ate both cheeseburgers in a dark parking lot outside like a homeless person.”

God, I love her.

I didn’t beat myself up too much about Friday because I knew I had my 15K coming up on Sunday. I got 50% off through my job at the Adidas employee store so I went a little nuts in there on Saturday and stocked up on all new gear. It basically looks like adidas threw up on me when I workout now.

I was pretty nervous the day of the race considering I’d only been running 5 miles on the weekends and was about to try and conquer 9.3. The race ended up being really fun and I finished in 1:28, which I was happy as hell about. That’s less than a 10 minute mile!

Those races got me excited about running again, which has not been the case since I ran the SF marathon a few years ago. So, I signed up for 2 more races:

If you’re in the Portland area, SIGN UP! Or, come cheer me on and buy me a beer afterward. Either way.

Yesterday was St. Patrick’s day and OF COURSE my office has to throw a party and have a buffet of food. This shit is getting old. I ate my weight in potato wedges. I wanted to skip the gym and get frozen yogurt but forced myself to go anyway.

So now for the weigh in, 162.2. I’ve clearly hit a plateau. Considering I’ve only lost 6 pounds in 2.5 months, that’s not saying much. I can’t say I’m too unhappy about it, though. I’m still seeing results from hitting the gym everyday (See previous post). I’m hoping the long distance running will give me the boost I need. I’m going to attempt to run 10 miles on Sunday.

The company I work for had a “Sweet 16″ birthday party to celebrate 16 years of being in business. The celebration included 3 towers of cupcakes and a buffet of fried food (there was also a DJ and karaoke but my focus was clearly elsewhere). I lasted about .05 seconds after they set up before a red velvet cupcake was in my mouth. It was everything I dreamed about and more. I told myself I was just going to have the one cupcake and leave the rest of the food alone. About 15 minutes after I told myself that I started jonesing like a drug addict. I was already in my tailspin and grabbed a plate and filled it to the brim… Then went back for seconds… and thirds… and had 2 more cupcakes.

Now I know everyone has their days but here’s what makes me out of control: Instead of going to the gym I went out to dinner and ordered a New York Strip with bacon wrapped onion rings. There are few things wrong with this (besides the obvious):

1. I don’t eat red meat or bacon.

2. I wasn’t hungry.

3. I ate the whole thing.

I think this proves that this blog is appropriately titled.

The rest of the week I was good with my workouts and diet… Until Saturday. That day is always my pitfall. I went out and had a few drinks… and then proceeded to eat half a bag of bread topped solely with mustard. I woke up with dried mustard underneath my fingernails and shame in my heart.

This brings us to today’s weigh in, 162 exactly. Can’t say I’m surprised by the 0.8 gain. I have a new goal: I just want to get into the 150’s for Christ’s sake. Give me a couple weeks and STOP YELLING!

I have the 15K Shamrock Run on Sunday. If you don’t hear from me this week, look for my body in a ditch by the T-curves.

Well friends, my plan to avoid the booze is not going well. I love it too much. Also, I’m 24, single, and live downtown. Get real. I decided to celebrate George Washington’s birthday with a bottle of red wine… I drank the whole thing because I thought G.W. would have wanted it that way.

I’ve been eating healthy and working out every day but had a minor obstacle when one of the Senior V.P.’s came to town and we hosted a happy hour for a chance to “network”. If networking involved shoving all the free fried appetizers in my face, I’d be CEO of the company by now. I tried to balance it out by hitting the gym afterward but ended up buying a roll of sushi and a bag of grapes… I managed to eat 3/4 of the bag and brought the rest into work the next day to get rid of my shame.

My scale ran out of batteries on Friday (I swear I’m not making this up) which is why this post is a few days late. I finally bought a new battery and weighed myself this morning: 161.2! Wham. Bam. Thank you, ma’am. The 5.8 pounds puts me back to where I was about a month ago but oh well. I still feel like a winner.

I’m not surprised in the least the scale said 164 pounds this week. That’s .06 pounds. Point. Zero. Six. Explanation? I went on a bar crawl Friday night and drank way too much… or was roofied, one of the two. I’ll go with I was over-served by the wait staff of the five bars I went to. Anyway, I ended my night by stumbling home, but my intoxicated brain needed to stop at convenience store for munchies before I got there. Let’s just say I puked an entire bag of beef Jerky and found some Pizza Combos in the bottom of my purse the next morning. I didn’t get out of bed all day Saturday. Believe me, I’m not proud of myself. I woke up Sunday feeling like I’d been given a second chance from God and made the most of the day by going for a five mile run and cooking a delicious Salmon dinner.

I was ready to really kill it this week but then ran into a tiny obstacle: Monday was Valentine’s Day. My coworkers and I handed out Valentines and candy… All of which I consumed by noon. I felt sick to my stomach and had a serious sugar head ache but just kept shoving it in. I capped off the evening by going to Five Guys and shopping for hamsters. Saddest thing you’ve ever heard? Me too. The only reason I didn’t buy a hamster is because I knew I’d never score with a guy ever again if I had a hamster cage in my apartment.

Anyway, drinking and holidays seem to be my weaknesses. I’m going to try and take a break from the booze for awhile but we’ll see how that goes.

In other news, I’m getting a new tattoo tomorrow. You’ll all just have to wait and see what it is.