Gender Differences

11/06/2017

BY ABUSING POWER WOMEN PLAY THEIR OWN NEFARIOUS ROLE IN CREATING AND PERPETUATING A SEXUALLY CHARGED WORKPLACE.

Yes, I know, that seems like the pot calling the kettle black. I know that many, if not most of you reading this feel that by virtue of the gender roles involved, that sexual abuse of a male, by a female, is by definition, “impossible”, unless of course it is perpetrated on a child. But, I am talking about adults.

Let’s examine those roles for a minute. Whether you’re a man or woman. you may feel that you were put on this earth for some lofty purpose. Perhaps to help others, to move humanity forward through innovation, or to solve environmental problems, write compelling media, or whatever. And while that may be important on the human scale, in the larger scheme of Nature’s long-term strategy, you have one purpose and one purpose only: To procreate. To perpetuate the species. And how is that accomplished? Get ready. There’s going to be a disturbing word here…..SEX!!

If you doubt my assessment of our true purpose in our planet’s complicated drama, consider how Nature imbues us with all the resources necessary to propel and support the production of offspring, during our child-bearing years through the power of our hormones. In women, this makes for soft hair, smooth, shiny skin and, breasts that are full and round. Even the menstrual cycle, which is an annoyance for many women, is a monthly reminder that contained within them is the ebb and flow of creation itself. In men, testosterone levels rise and peak years and sex is a constant preoccupation. Spontaneous erections occur day and night, as every thought and behavior seems to emanate from a desire for or expectation of an intimate rendezvous.

In adolescence, the dance of love and sex are on full display, as young bodies and minds experiment with their respective powers of attraction and persuasion. Young men may build their bodies to impress women with their strength and prowess. Women may dress to reveal their feminine attributes, seeking to gain attention through sensual stimulation: Appearance, scent, tone of voice, etc. Most of us accept this dance as a rite of passage into adulthood. A temporary insanity that hopefully leads to lasting satisfaction through marriage and family.

But in reality, this dance never stops, it just becomes more complicated. And when less than subtle and unwelcome advances or sexual references are made by men, toward women it leads to discomfort in a workplace that is increasingly a melting pot of genders, cultures and sexual orientations. And after a tipping point like the Weinstein debacle, we now see a firestorm of allegations against men in powerful positions, exerting control over women for the procurement of sex. But this is nothing new, and it would be naive to assume that some combination of legislation, shaming or professional rebuke will bring it all to an end. It may make it less visible for a time, but as always, our baser instincts will eventually rise to the surface and take center stage again.

Where sex is concerned, women enjoy it as much or maybe even more than men do, but they are not driven by it. They can turn it on or off at will, depending on their situation.

Why? The truth is, we are all selfish creatures. We want what we want and we will use any and all resources at our disposal to get it. We know men want sex. Even elderly men, for whom sexual intercourse has become an impossible dream, cannot resist the temptation to turn their head in the presence of an attractive woman. This drive that men have to pursue, to be the tool through which life’s catalyst is disseminated is the most enduring and powerful urge in Nature. It is at the core of our being. The raw, untamable animal that still thrives within us. A fundamental and irrepressible instinct that cannot be sublimated by the thin vail of “civility”. And toppling successful men from their professional and political thrones will not alter that fact one iota. But this phenomenon of coercing or even abusing others to achieve their goals is not limited to men. Perhaps it is time to ask:

How have women been abusing their power over men for centuries?

This question is conspicuously missing from the discussion of power imbalances between the sexes. And because men are reproached by their peers and society at large if they reveal a fundamental weakness that is being exploited by others, you are not likely to hear much about this side of the gender equation. But that does not mean that its examination has no merit. Indeed it does.

Men, by nature are impulsive. Impulsivity is at what makes them good hunters and warriors. Stopping to think and plan when you’re in the path of a charging rhino is a recipe for disaster. Looking into you’re opponent’s eyes to take inventory of his soul during hand to hand combat can get you killed. So natural selection has programmed men to act first and ask questions later. Their actions are overt and transparent. They ask for what they want, whether verbally or through their actions, their agenda is clear. And where women are concerned, what they want the pleasure of physical contact. And for men in highly stressful and demanding jobs and or positions, this need for stress relief reaches a fever pitch. It begins to feel as if their very survival depends on it. And indeed, it may. History is rife with stories of men in powerful positions, facing impossible challenges, seeking relief and refuge in passionate affairs. Granted, these affairs were most often consensual. But nonetheless, it makes clear that sex is a way for men to diffuse and deal with the sometimes overwhelming challenges that life throws at them.

What do women want?

Women on the other hand have other ways to diffuse their stress. They are, for the most part, more social. Women love to gather in groups, gossip and laugh. Shopping is another satisfying outlet that takes their mind of problems at home or at work. And when we trace this affinity for community and acquisition back to its origins, we can see that it dovetails perfectly with their natural roles as mothers, homemakers and nurturers. Women have gathered together for millennia to care collectively for their infants and children. They may even share their breast milk with another’s the offspring, to maintain the bond between them and ensure the survival of their community or tribe.

Where sex is concerned, women enjoy it as much or maybe even more than men do, but they are not driven by it. They can turn it on or off at will, depending on their situation. What matters to women is security. And what contributes to security? Money, home, status, comfort, popularity, friendship and some level of control over their primary relationships. These are the baser instincts that drive women, as they have from the beginning of time. But women are more patient. They can wait, conspire, manipulate, and cajole to get what they want. And more often than not, the object of these calculations are powerful men. Like it or not, men have, on the whole, held positions of power in society. Their combative, impulsive nature and limitless stamina provide the sheer force to bore through or leap over obstacles. They may choose to not be encumbered by family responsibilities or the rearing of children and they don’t have to deal with a monthly cycle. They are free to focus all their energies on domination. And once they succeed, they become the target of aspiring women. A stepping stone into a life which women feel is unattainable by any other means.

And this is the stage upon which abuse of female power rears its ugly head. In some women, a passive / aggressive strategy begins to form that is so subtle, it is often undetected by men. And that strategy is centered upon appealing to men’s primary achilles heal, their intrinsic weakness. Sex. And this “baiting”, if we can call it that, can have unpredictable, even dangerous consequences for women, ranging from off color sexual comments to rape. Ironically, if and when this plan backfires, these same women will claim victimhood and assume no responsibility for the result of their actions. They will claim a right to dress or act as they wish, secretly aware that such behavior is very effective at triggering male attention and hence, preferential treatment, This duality of behaving badly and then crying fowl is at the core of the one-sided campaign now being waged against men. Sure, in a perfect world men would keep their impulses under control. But when stress and the presence of female coercion converge, women have an unfair advantage.

And how does this abuse of female power affect men?

I have listened to countless interviews of and complaints by women about how a sexually charged workplace has interfered with their ability to feel comfortable, valued or to advance. And yet, through the use of make up, lipstick, implants, push up bras, plunging necklines, high heels, expensive perfume, sexy outfits and the like, they create what is essentially a sexual sucker punch. Can you image how a man might dress with equal provocation? Imagine an executive coming to work in a leotard, rather than a suit. This garment would be so form fitting that the crack of his ass and the outline of his genitals would be visible. If indeed, a male employee showed up to work dressed like this, he’d be thrown out on his ear.

But women have the latitude to dress as they please. They can dial up the sexual heat through their many avenues of accentuation and it’s rarely challenged.

Add to this, the often subtle and not so subtle cues like suggestive glances, flicking of the hair, or bending over a desk while wearing a low cut blouse. This is tantamount to a tease and the effect of creating tremendous distraction and preoccupation for men. They are simply unable to be in the presence of such provocative visual signals without becoming aroused. And when that arousal causes them to react in inappropriate ways, we blame them for behaving exactly as nature intended.

Of course most women will not admit to engaging in such provocative behavior. For some, that may be true or they may not be aware of it. But I would bet, if most women, who have suffered unwelcome advances from men in the workplace took inventory of their motives and were honest with themselves, they would find some truth in what I’ve said.

Now this in no way excuses rape, or forced sexual encounters of any kind. That is violence and exploitation and is not acceptable under any circumstances.

But when a man puts his hand on a woman’s knee, when he touches the small of her back, when he looks perhaps a little too long at a her breasts, or makes sexual references during a dinner outingthis should not be a career ending transgression. The woman involved may want to examine if and how her dress or behavior may have contributed to these unwelcome overtures. If modifications are then made and the behavior continues, perhaps it’s time for a transfer to another job or department. But don’t just march into Human Resources and threaten to sue the company unless they fire this individual. Oh yes, in this politically correct and litigious society we now live, you may indeed succeed in getting him fired, and or in obtaining a sizable settlement from the company. But then don’t go blabbing to about the need for others to act with integrity or to take personal responsibility.

What is the solution?

Let’s just cool down, step back from the precipice and be realistic. Sex is the reason we are all here. It may not always be welcomed, it may not be pretty or pleasant to think about, but it is here to stay. And Nature has placed men in the position of being the pursuers. Can we all agree on that? Women play coy, act uninterested and fein annoyance, but in the end, sometimes a persistent man succeeds in getting the girl. In fact women often say that men give up too easily. In the course of their little act of avoidance, men get the impression they are being rejected and give up. Women are understandably confused by this. They feel ambivalent about what they are supposed to do. If they give in too quickly, they’ll be labeled as “easy”. If they respond too slowly, guys give up.

For men, this dance is equally confusing and frustrating. For many, work is where the majority of their social interaction takes place. It is where they are likely to meet the greatest concentration of women. And while it may be frowned upon to dabble in romance at the workplace, more people meet their future spouse at work then in all other social settings combined. So there must be a little give and take and mutual empathy for the respective burdens each gender carries in the sexual dance.

Now again, I am not referring to lewd, aggressive, demeaning or threatening behavior. This should never be tolerated under any circumstance.

But as is so often the case with human behavior, we tend to allow the pendulum to swing to the extreme when issues arise and the risk here is that innocent, maybe even awkward, but otherwise well-intentioned behavior will be misconstrued and mislabeled as sexual harassment.

For women, understand that when you “dress to kill”, you are not only getting attention from other women in the office, (which you may want), but also from men, (which you may not want). It is not an innocuous and innocent enterprise. You are increasing the chances you will receive reactions you may not have intended or desired. If and when this happens, it is not fair to blame only men for lacking self control. You must learn to take responsibility for the waves you set in motion. As Newton described, “Every action has an equal and opposite reaction”. This applies not only to physics but also to human interaction. And when you play with fire, you are much more likely to get burned.

09/04/2015

Ladies, this is not meant to vilify you or to suggest that men are never at fault for messing up their relationships, there is certainly plenty of blame on both sides of the fence. But this article for men will be upcoming. Today, we will focus on mistakes you might be making that could be causing your partnership to stagnate or worse, become irreparably damaged.

1. Don’t make men go shopping with you.

Girls, I know that it feels nice when your man buys you something, but don’t drag him to the dress shop, for heaven’s sake. Men have a different relationship to shopping than you do. They buy when they need something, like a new tool, when the old one breaks. True, they do tend to spend lavishly on big ticket items, like cars and gadgets, but they generally do their research online first, or by asking their friends and associates. They don’t just go the the mall and peruse. For men there is nothing more boring than standing around looking at clothes. And when a man is bored, what does he do? He fantasizes about women. And what better place to do that then at a woman’s dress shop or the mall. That’s one reason this is not a good strategy.

You may like clothes, purses, shoes and jewelry, but don’t cajole your man into buying them by dragging him to the store with you. You should have your own money and go shopping by yourself or with your girlfriends. If he wants to buy you something as a gift, that’s great, but he may choose to show his love and devotion in other ways, like building or fixing things, taking you on vacations, arranging a romantic candlelight dinner, etc.

As women complain about being valued only for their physical attributes, men feel many women see their wallet as an ATM machine. So if you want to be appreciated for your personality and actions as well as your body, extend the same balanced treatment to your man. Recognize him first and foremost for how he treats you, cares for and compliments you, rather than what he is able or willing to buy

2. Don’t try to change him into who you think he should be

Women often go into a relationship with the notion that their man is a lump of clay and it is their responsibility to mold him into a need fulfilling machine. While it is true, many women do seem to develop a sense of themselves and where they’re going far earlier than men, yet a man’s journey of personal development still has to be largely self directed. When a woman usurps that task and mistakenly assumes she can then influence his development for her own benefit, she plays with fire. He may go along for a while, especially if he was emotionally damaged by the last relationship, but eventually, he’ll realize he’s being duped. The result may be that he’ll bolt and find someone else with whom to share all the valuable lessons you taught him.

It’s better to find a man who already has qualities you admire and that are compatible with your own. Yes, it may take a while longer to find the right fit. but when you head down the slippery slope of tinkering with other people’s personalities, you may create a monster that one day will bite the hand that feeds him.

3. Don’t assume he can go toe to toe with you in the feelings department.

I never understood how women expect men to be strong and sensitive, courageous and gentle, smart but not sarcastic, etc. OK, there are some exceptional men out there I guess who might fit that description, but how long do you plan to wait and do you really think they’re still single? Get real girl! Normal men usually fall squarely on one side of that line or the other. Either they are sweet and sensitive, but not particularly masculine or they are full of testosterone but not too well developed in the expression department. You have to choose what’s more important to you. Do you need a man to excite you and drive you wild in the bedroom or do you want one who will discuss philosophy all night, then wake up the next day and say “let’s go shopping”? Really? That’s what your girlfriends are for. If you find a good man who works hard, is faithful, generous, smart and funny, you’ve done well.

Don’t emasculate him by expecting him to emote with you over your soap opera. You may end up with an androgynous bore who increasingly depends on you for affirmation and reassurance.

4. Don’t participate in arguing. Don’t remain in a relationship where compatibility continues to be an issue

I once learned a very valuable lesson from a Siberian fur trader. He relied on 6-8 Huskies throughout the year for transportation, warmth, companionship, defense and so on. He was always training new dogs to replace the ones that would eventually be too old to provide their valuable services. Once in a while, a puppy would just display a stubbornness, a lack of ability to work with his peers or develop a functional relationship with his master. Instead of punishing the dog or forcing him to obey, his philosophy is “just find another dog”. This is a useful tip in human relationships too. People generally do not change. Their personalities are pretty much fixed before their 18th birthday. If you and your partner cannot agree on simple things, if either of you feel the need to be defensive or competitive, it’s not a good match. In other words, he may be a strong dog, a beautiful dog, but if he cannot work with you, then he will just hold you back and make you miserable. Just find another dog.

5. Move on from little hurts. Don’t keep dredging them up to use as ammunition against your partner

Sorry ladies, but this is a characteristic feminine flaw, the inability to forget. Along the journey toward hopeful relationship bliss, there will be potholes, speed bumps and hazards, as each of you learn to navigate your own feelings and cope with each others’ differences. The result is that mistakes will be made on both sides. But where as men don’t reserve room in their brains to hang on to all that history, women do and they often replay it in technicolor in the context of an argument about something else. Men are more focused on the here and now, where as women see the relationship as a continuum, meaning that for them, what happened yesterday, last year or even a decade ago is just as relevant now as it was when it happened.

Each time you place the spotlight on a past transgression, you rip open the wound and prevent it from healing, either for yourself or the relationship. Eventually, the timeline of the partnership is viewed only in the rearview mirror, punctuated by missteps and thoughtless acts or comments, rather than the quiescent and joyful spaces between them. You may feel it is useful to keep these moments of less than stellar behavior on the part of your man, visible, as a reminder to him to be more thoughtful about his actions. But he sees this as perpetual punishment and a prison of past mistakes from which he can never escape. Furthermore, since he cannot remember the details of these events nearly as well as you, he begins to doubt your retelling of the story. Each time they resurface, they appear to more sensational and to possess greater intensity. To him, this is akin to being retried over and over for the same crime and being found more guilty each time. This is a death nell for any relationship. To forget is a blessing. As each of you matures, so will your respective relationship to each other and these little hurts will begin to diminish in frequency. But if you refuse to let them fade into the past, as they should, the weight of collective guilt and injury will eventually snuff out any remaining passion and drive you farther apart.

Focus on what he does right and if he is faithful, caring, gentle and affectionate, count your blessings and let go of the little hurts along the way.

6. Don’t use sex as a way to control him.

You may not like it, but sex is a very important part of a man’s life, at least through middle age. So, if he’s not getting it from you, he may seek it elsewhere. Don’t use sex like a carrot and stick, offering it as a reward when he does something you want and then withholding it when you’re upset. Also, don’t always wait for him to initiate. Especially if you’ve been hot and cold in the past, he may fear that he’ll be rejected again, so show him that you desire intimacy. Don’t be subtle. Men don’t read your cryptic signals, they need concrete messages that don’t require interpretation. Grab him where it counts and say “Ooooh, I miss our time together”. That will get his attention for sure.

If you've enjoyed this article, please feel free to comment and or share it with your friends on social media.

08/12/2015

The goal of this new exciting site is to enlighten women on the sometimes confusing behavior of men, what drives them, how they think, how to pick a good one and how to create and maintain a great relationship with them.

We will enjoy a no-holds-barred discussion that covers every topic from sex to finances, work to psychology. I look forward to receiving your questions and feedback.

I'll do my best to answer every question and respond to each comment.

Now there is a place for women to go to read real, honest, open and frank discussions about the issues that are important to them, related to the men in their lives. Join the conversation...

05/23/2015

In a small rural village, word spread that a man had arrived, seemingly out of no where, claiming to be a Prophet. People began asking him questions regarding the mysteries of life and he revealed many truths and enlightened many souls with his words.

One woman in the crowd, who was coming of age to be wed asked the wise man: "Tell me of Men. Why do their ways seem so strange?"

The people gathered there first began to laugh at her question, but quickly became quiet as the sage proceeded to reveal the inner Nature of Men.

The Prophet said:

"Men are very much the same today, as they were one-hundred thousand years ago. Nature has instilled them with an ability to focus keenly on an objective. Their passions are powerful and when they set their intention on something or someone, they can expend limitless energy in the achievement of their goals. This quality of passion served man well in earlier times, when food had to be hunted, when his sexual drive was not limited by societal restraints and when his home needed to be protected from marauders and neighboring tribes. The successful man of that time honed his warlike skills, cared for his weapons and provided for his family.

Humankind began spreading out and covering the globe about ten-thousand years ago and competition for land, game and women became fierce. Concurrently, in many parts of the world, agriculture was being developed. It was now possible not only to have grains and vegetables available for an entire village, some of the harvest could feed livestock, making hunting and foraging skills virtually obsolete.

Soon, it became clear that some men now had the time and inclination to develop different skills, such as painting stories on cave walls, innovating ways to communicate with symbols and creating valuable items for trade to neighboring villages. Yet most men found it difficult to live this new settled life. In their dreams they imagined themselves still bravely hunting wild game and defeating other warriors. To them, this was their one and only purpose, their inner drive was to conquer, to become strong and admired.

Today, the descendants of these men are still amongst us. They seek competition, battle and glory but society and laws constrain this type of behavior. So men must find other outlets to satisfy their deepest desires. They play and watch games of simulated war, they purchase weapons to hunt down animals, even when food is plentiful, they buy fast machines in an effort to compete with one another, they lift heavy weights over and over, building their muscles in an attempt to appear intimidating, they act out in all sorts aggressive ways to address what their deep biological programming dictates. Some even feel the need to leave their family, job and home to fight in far away lands, without fully understanding the nature of the conflict.

These are the baser instincts of men. They are for the most part admirable traits that have allowed mankind to endure many challenges over the millennia, yet still thrive. These are the qualities that compel men to rush into a burning building, when common sense would suggest to run the other way. Yet they proceed without fear or concern for their personal safety, driven by the chance to save another life. These are the firemen, the police, the security guards, the men who wield tons of steel every day at dizzying heights, to construct massive buildings where many live and work. These are the heroes of all kinds that rise aloft on wings of courage.

But those same qualities of competition and willingness to confront danger may compel some men to commit crimes, to injure or kill others out of anger or frustration. This is the nefarious side of glory: seeking to injure or eliminate through violence, perceived opponents: individuals or groups who represent oppression (a type of passive war).This is what happens when a young man's energy is not channeled and encouraged by lessons and example to be utilized in the pursuit of good rather than evil.

Many of the men you see around you today are decendents of early warriors, hunters and defenders. But evolution has tamed the warlike nature of some men. In fact, so much so that they have begun to acquire more feminine characteristics. Society's imperative to rein in the aggressiveness of men has resulted in new strains of the male gender that are suited to more intellectual pursuits and some that are just plain lazy. The rise of women in the home and place of work has also had a dampening effect on the collective psyche of men. Many quietly wonder if they are becoming obsolete in a world where women can even bare children without having a man in their lives. Men are complicit in this - handing over their seed in exchange for a small remuneration, unwittingly relegating man-kind to even greater irrelevance.

Young lady, when you decide to settle down with a man, remember, deep inside of him resides his warlike ancestors. Much of his mysterious behavior results from his lack of control over his own deep impulses. He is in many ways, like a wild beast who has been forced to don the trappings of civility for generations. He struggles, he copes, yet sometimes his instincts get the better of him. Yet he is quite simple and pure of heart.

Treat him with respect, admire and encourage his demonstrations of strength and restraint. Feed his passions with good food and boundless affection and with any luck, he will find the right balance between the warrior that he was and the gentleman he is trying to become."

-S.E. Mathias

I would love to know if you enjoyed this article, how it may have helped you, what country you are living in and what aspects of the human experience you might like me to write about.

You can contact me via email find me on Facebook or Tweet me on Twitter. Please feel free to pass along a link to my blog to your friends and family and check back frequently for fresh, enlightening posts on Sustainable Happiness.

05/16/2015

The power of relationships to make us either giddy or miserable is real. And while many suffer the wrath of dysfunctional pairings, few take the time to understand the object of their affection, let alone themselves.

What follows is a two-part article on gender characteristics and how to become more successful at dating, partnerships and love-making.

First, for you men...

Let's dive into the world of women to understandwhat makes them tick....

Men, let’s just agree on something right now… women are complicated! They will even tell you that themselves, because they know they are. And though they may want to change and certainly have the capacity, there are many social and biological factors that cause them to live in a world slightly different from our own.

But when we say “complicated”, what we really mean is that we don’t understand what makes them tick. Men have the ability to learn about and understand many things we might consider complicated, so why do women present such a frustrating challenge?

When you look under the hood of a modern car, you see a motor. You know it still works like motors from earlier days, i.e. internal combustion, oil for lubrication and water for cooling, but good luck figuring out how to fix it when it breaks. Now apply the same logic to women. They have two legs and two arms, a head and a body like you and they’re obviously human, so why don’t they act like you do?

Well, it’s what you can’t see that makes them the way they are. Hormones, different evolutionary programming and the influence of society and the family have all resulted in the unique ways women respond to stimuli and this makes predicting those responses pretty hard. You may never know which factor is influencing her behavior in any given moment. And though women can be blindsided or confused by our moods or impulses, we are way more predictable than they are.

Why? In a word…SEX.

Most of what we desire and pursue, in one way or another, can eventually be traced back to our preoccupation with sex. So for an example, we can be manipulated much more easily with a promise to provide or withhold sex, whereas if you try that with a woman, she’ll look at you like “as if, let’s see how long you can keep that up”.

It’s just not as important to them and they can usually turn off their sexual desire for long periods of time if the situation necessitates it. That doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy sex as much or maybe even more than we do. But when sex is not available or when they are unable to place sufficient trust in their relationship or their partner to really let go, then they can focus their sexual energies elsewhere.

So, women can wield huge advantage over us. They know they possess tremendous power with their sexual allure and some unscrupulous women use it to their full advantage. And that is where men need to be very careful.

For a man who cannot control his own impulses will often hand over his heart and his wallet to a woman if there is even the faintest hope of intimacy and then, be surprised when she walks away, leaving him empty-handed. Men have ruined their marriages and family lives, lost their homes and cars, even surrendered entire bank accounts to women in the fog of desire. Sometimes all it takes is a suggestive glance by a woman in a man’s direction and he will melt like warm butter.

Men, you know exactly what I am talking about and have probably even experienced some events like that in your own life. It may not have been as serious as handing over the keys to your house, but certainly we have all suffered a bruised ego or injured self-esteem here and there. All men have experienced rejection and by the time they are in their 20’s or 30’s, usually regard it as one of the consequences of playing “the game”. It just goes with the territory.

Leveling the Playing Field

What if you could alter those odds? What if you could shift the rules of engagement slightly more in your favor? Whether dating or married, this would be a welcomed transformation. Yes? Well, like a hunter, you can to a great extent, but you have to begin to understand the instincts of the one you are tracking and know what you hope to gain when you catch up to her. But doing that will involve self control, as well as a little wisdom and introspection on your part. It’s almost a Zen thing. By that I mean, slow down, meditate on her, watch her and learn what is meaningful to her, how she responds when you try different things.

If you were a nature photographer and seeking to do a photo-documentary on leopards, let’s say, wouldn’t it be helpful to know how they think? That way you might have better luck finding them, knowing when they are active or resting, what kind of prey they like and where they feel safe or vulnerable.

Knowledge is power. So approach your quest to understand your woman or women in general, scientifically. Adopt the mindset of a researcher uncovering heretofore hidden secrets about them but also about yourself. For to understand anything in this world, you have to first understand your relationship to it and to understand that, you must know yourself. Because you represent 50% of any relationship you have, whether your counterpart is a leopard the economy, or women.

So let’s start there. What about your relationship? If you are in one, what would you like to change or improve? You might say “First of all, I want more sex”. O.K. but why do you want more sex? Aside from the obvious reasons that it’s fun and feels good, does it boost your ego? Does it make you smarter?

Well, how about this for a reason?

Great sex, especially with a committed partner, helps to strengthen the bond between you. Why is that a good reason? Because it’s great to have fun and I am a big fan of making sex as fun as possible, but by itself, it only represents a momentary benefit. I challenge you to think of sex (or love-making) as an opportunity to communicate with your partner on a deeper level. A level that is not accessible by any other means.

It is said that most of communication is nonverbal. That may sound like a contradiction, because communication is talking, right? Well, yes, but it is also, to an even greater extent, body-language, facial expressions, touching and the tone of your voice. So when you are making love and keeping the focus on her satisfaction, you’re telling her in a very profound, but non-verbal way that you care deeply about her. You are willing to satisfy her completely before yourself and that is a huge statement of selflessness and love.

And as your love-making skills improve and you’re able to take her to deeper and deeper levels of ecstasy, you’re saying to her in a way she will understand that you care enough to learn about what makes her body, mind and spirit soar to the heavens. Then she may begin to do the same for you. She will want to know what pushes your buttons or at least be more open to your requests. But most importantly, she will know that you are capable of caring for and about her in a very meaningful way. She will feel that you don’t really focus on her imperfections but rather see beyond her physical body, into the essence of her. And when this happens, the feeling can be magical.

And it's this deeper connection that is often what is missing in a casual encounter…

Sure guys, it is fun to get a girl in bed and play with her, but once the initial excitement has waned, there is often little to keep the bond between you alive and you begin to get bored, even if the sex is really good. Therefore, it is this deeper, shared connection that we actually crave, even if we don’t realize it. A satisfying relationship takes time, work, commitment and risk, for sure, but at the end of the day an emotionally balanced, loving and sexually active couple gains the envy of everyone.

*Make a note -If you improve your knowledge of what your partner wants during love-making and use that special time to create a deeper attachment with her, that will demonstrate to her that you are not just using her as a toy for your enjoyment, but that you regard your intimate time as a sacred experience and that you are committed to making her happy as well as yourself. That is what really turns women on. That is what makes them want to be with you again and again.

Sure, they love sex and are frankly equipped to enjoy it 1000 times more then you are, but they want more. They want to know that it is meaningful to you, that you care about their needs and that you are willing to be patient until they get really revved up.

Bear in mind that sometimes awoman’s body may be primed for sex and she may not even be aware of it.

After all, they don’t have a heat-seeking rocket standing at attention in their panties. So you may have to do a little experimentation to find what gets them to thinking about sex. But once you figure it out, the rewards will be well worth the effort.

S.E. Mathias

I would love to know if you enjoyed this article, how it may have helped you, what country you are living in and what aspects of happiness and successful living you might like me to write about.

You can contact me via email find me on Facebook or Tweet me on Twitter. Please feel free to pass along a link to my blog to your friends and family and check back frequently for fresh, enlightening posts on Sustainable Happiness

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Rare Books, Gifts & Collectibles at Amazing Prices

_________________________
What is The Happiness Tree?

This blog and its companion
book are a direct challenge to the preconceived notions,
fears, biases and flawed approaches that hold many of us back from
success in relationships, work, creativity and most importantly, life
satisfaction.

Like many of you, from my
adolescent years, I was seeking guidance to
help me understand the complex interplay between myself and the world
at large: A sort of “Life Manual”. I would peruse book stores and act
on recommendations by friends and respected “gurus”, and never found a
book, program or methodology that connected all the dots.

I’d read one book about
Spirituality, and another about Self Esteem.
Yet another about The Creative Process followed by a treatise on
Relationships. Each book seemed to partially address one piece of the
puzzle, but not how that element fit into or coordinated with all the
others.
Then at a dark, pivotal point in my mid-life, I felt the need for just
such a paradigm shift. A complete overhaul of my belief systems and a
new scaffolding upon which to construct my future. I was sure that in
the new frontier of the internet, I’d be able to find just the right
message, delivered just the right way that would provide me that “Aha
moment” I so desperately desired. But alas, I found only bits and
pieces, not a cohesive, holistic approach to creating sustainable
happiness.

So, I built
it myself.

One of the pearls of wisdom
that stuck with me during my many years of
searching, was that ‘all the tools and information we need to create a
productive, happy life, are already inside of us’. This made sense to
me. Though not a religious person, I have always believed that we were
brought
into this life to fulfill a purpose. And if that was so, then it would
stand to reason that we’d be provided the skills necessary to manifest
that purpose or at least the means to acquire them. From that
perspective, our challenge then, from the moment we’re born, (or some
would say, even before that), is to discover our mission, then develop
the energy, passion and abilities to fulfill it.

Along the way though, most of
us get bogged down in the details. To use
a driving metaphor, we head off perhaps in the right direction and then
hit a pothole. Our vehicle becomes temporarily disabled and so we hitch
a ride and become a passenger on someone else’s journey. Through
detours and switchbacks, we may
spend years retracing our steps in an effort
to regain the momentum of those earlier times. Along the way,
circumstance or destiny places what feels like insurmountable barriers
in our path,
causing us to rethink our entire rai·son d'ê·tre.

This is usually when the pivot
happens. When our belief systems
collapse, leaving us feeling incapable of addressing even the simplest
task, for lack of confidence in our own abilities or the very
righteousness of humanity. I built The Happiness Tree for this critical
juncture in my own life and by extension, to help you through yours.

This system is named The
Happiness Tree, for a reason. By following its
intuitive structure: Roots; Trunk; Limbs and Branches, we begin to
organize the seemingly complex interplay between ourselves and others,
into a visual framework, allowing us to step back for the first time
and see the entire global connections that make up our lives. From this
vantage point, areas that are weak or unbalanced are revealed. We are
then guided toward achieving a broader and more effective
distribution of our time, energy, talents, passions and goals through
the implementation of practical, common sense strategies. Branch, by
branch we begin to fill out our own unique tree, from top to bottom,
enhancing our confidence, relationships, creativity, purpose and
ultimately, our life satisfaction and happiness.

Let "The
Happiness Tree" support you on your quest to achieve the life
you’ve always dreamed of. Just read, absorb, practice. evolve and
become the manifestation of Joy in your own life and that of those you
love.