to think DD's father should book his wedding for when DD will be in the country instead of expecting me to fly her over!

DD's father (she is the product of a ONS so X sounds wrong), lives in a different country, we are in the UK. She spends a lot of time over there (other european country), including a huge chunk of the summer holidays. She's 14.

He has booked his wedding for termtime and is expecting me to fly her out for it. I think that at the very least he should pay for the flights but he says he can't afford it(!) He is also saying she should be there for almost a week so she can spend time with relatives etc. This will involve her missing school.

I don't want DD to miss her father's wedding but AIBU to think he should've booked it for a time she'd be in the country or at the very least checked with me first?

Tell him you have asked the school for permission for her to be off and they have said NO. That if you take her out of school without permission they will fine you. And they could too around £100 for a week.

No school is going to give you permission to take a 14 year old out of school.

Sorry but HE pays not you. YOu tell your daughter that you cannot afford it, why the fuck should you.

Fabby good guess, there's no reciprocal agreement between this country and the UK so he doesn't pay anything. But he says putting her up for her visits counts. She does love spending time over there and with him. I can't see how I can sort this without making DD absolutely distraught.

Tilly, exactly, she'll never forgive me (or at least not until she's older but you know what I mean). I could cope with it being a long weekend but I really don't want to pay for flights, or even towards them.

complex yes it would be very strange for her not to be there and the extended family all love her to bits. They are the reason there's the contact and relationship there is, his mother tracked us down (in the UK), and started everything off.

I can sort of believe he can't pay (though I think he could find the money), as he's not very well-off at all and his fiance's family are paying for the wedding, as is usual in that culture - he also has a job working for the future FIL so not sure how much cash he has 'for himself'. But he could borrow it from someone easily.

I think you need to explain to DD that she needs to sort this out with her Dad...that school won't allow her time off at this stage in her education and that if he wants her to go he needs to buy her a (return) ticket.

Tell you aren't the baddy...that you feel terrible for her and feel strongly that he should have arranged the wedding at a more suitable time and budgeted for her ticket but that YOU didn't arrange his wedding during term time and not buy her a ticket, her DAD did.

Pumpkin and fourkids I know DD will take it very badly if I say she can't go or won't pay for flights. There's already a lot of 'oh I wish I could live over there all the time' and 'oh future stepmum is so glam and beautiful', they have girly chats over skype and stuff (future stepmum is only 20 so they have a lot in common).

I mean, I'll do it. I am 100% sure on the flights thing, that I shouldn't pay, but I am just really tied of being the bad guy.