I woke up this morning feeling that today was an important day, it was significant for some reason. I frowned, checked the date twice, checked my work calendar, my email, and nothing came to me.

Today was just like any other day, except it's not.

Today was your birthday, another birthday you celebrate without me, another milestone in your life that I'm not part of. I felt a physical pain in my heart when the significance of today registered in my brain, and I somehow wished it hadn't.

They say ignorance is bliss and today I must agree.

I must confess that today would've been easier on me if I didn't have to imagine someone else waking you up with a kiss, hiding your gift behind her back, welcoming you home in the evening with your favourite cake.

It would've been easier if I didn't sing you happy birthday every year before, if I didn't plan to share this day with you until we both turned 100, if I didn't tell you I want all my kids to have your birthday so they turn out like you.

It wouldn't have been significant if I didn't know that today, you longed for me to be the one waking you up with a kiss, hiding your gift behind my back and welcoming you home in the evening with your favourite cake.