The Real Battle

02.21.148:58 PM ET

#LoserKeepsBieber Means Justin’s Probably Coming to America

Whoever lost the USA vs. Canada hockey game would also have to ‘keep’ Justin Bieber, effectively adding insult to injury.

Tensions were running high leading up to today’s Canada vs. USA men’s Olympic hockey game. The bitter rivalry is about as bitter as any rivalry involving Canada can be. Canadians may be polite, but they are serious about their hockey—and Americans are serious about their social media smack talk.

The basic premise of the hashtag was clear: whoever lost the game would also have to “keep” Justin Bieber, effectively adding insult to injury. For the concerned citizens and licensed drivers of the USA and Canada, the stakes had never been higher.

At the end of the close match, Canada found itself in the lead, eking out a 1-0 win. Tweeters of America began to grieve, both for dashed gold medal hopes and, more importantly, at the prospect of keeping Justin Bieber. In a flood of 140 characters, Americans navigated the multiple stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and eventual acceptance. For some, acceptance came easily—while others hid their Bieber-triggered tears behind patriotic posturing and aggressive photo shopping. So, about that White House petition…

I hope no one actually shook on that #loserkeepsbieber deal. That could be disastrous.