Electric... Toaster in a Bathtub

I love sour candy but this lube failed to deliver. I was willing to overlook the ingredients with the hopes that this would provide a delicious tang. With a foul aftertaste, an unpleasant, runny texture all hidden inside packaging that looks to promise candy coated oral pleasures... I must say I was very disappointed.

Published:
June 13, 2012

Pros:

The packaging is colorful and whimsical, it doesn't stain and it's compatible with latex.

Cons:

It has a foul, chemical taste, contains some questionable ingredients and has an unpleasant texture.

Topco's Sex Tarts Electric Lemonade lubricant is touted as an oral sex flavor enhancer. According to the packaging, "you'll never wanna stop lickin', slippin', and slidin' your way to mouth-watering ecstasy." This was certainly not the case. I was gaggin' and chokin' and stoppin' far before the lip smackin' climax. It's a shame. This just proves that looks can be deceiving.

The ingredient list has a few things worth mentioning. It contains glycerin, propylene glycol, sucralose, methylparaben, propylparaben and diazolidinyl urea. Glycerin, of course, leaves one more prone to yeast infections. Propylene glycol (while recognized as safe) can cause allergic reactions in some. Sucralose (which I blame for the nasty chemical taste) can cause reactions in those with sensitivities, as can the parabens and the diazolidinyl urea.

I felt that this lube was rather thin and runny. While it was slippery (though due to its ingredients, I wouldn't recommend it for anything other than oral), it wasn't anything to write home about texture-wise. That is, unless you want to write a letter warning people to stay away from it. I felt it left kind of an icky, sticky residue and along with the taste and smell, made me feel as though a washing off was necessary.

The smell is very faint... almost like a kitchen lemon-scented handsoap. I didn't let this deter me. I figured, hey, maybe it won't taste that bad. THIS STUFF IS ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING. When I took a little taste on the tongue, it was almost agreeable. This coaxed me into trying a little more. BOY, WAS THAT A MISTAKE. The taste was chemical-y, it jolted my tongue in a most unpleasant way and made me gag. It is worth mentioning that I have a very keen, particular sense of taste. This might be right up some people's alley but me? I'd sooner go without than try this stuff again.

Performance-wise, it was mediocre. I didn't really get a fair assessment of how long it lasted, since I couldn't bring myself to continue. It was kind of nauseating. Personally, when I was done (which didn't take long) I felt like a washing up was in order. It left a residue which I personally found to be unpleasant.

I thought the packaging was really attractive. It looks like a tube of candy and despite the screaming SEX! on the front, it doesn't really stand out without close inspection. Unfortunately, I would say it was misleading. Tart it was not.

Not discreet

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