The paper standard is simple. It is based on the value of the paper it’s printed on.

FEDERAL RESERVE, Pleasanton California -- A spokesperson for the Supreme Chairman of the Federal Reserve Board, Sir Alfred E. Neuman, said at a press conference, the dollar will soon go off the gold standard and petro standard, on to the “paper standard”.

The chairman, who remains anonymous, has the ideal solution to solve the dollar value crises. Originally the Chinese used paper as IOUs worth a stated weight in gold. Their value depended on how much gold was deposited to the paper-money maker, and, thus, paper values were started on the gold standard.

This 'gold standard', in evermore-sophisticated forms, was followed for a thousand years, until the FED ordered Nixon to end the gold standard, thus causing eventual financial chaos. The gold standard was replaced by artificial value play money, which became tied to the oil industry through a monopoly imposed upon OPEC.

The USA got into cahoots with the terrorists just to bring some kind of value to the paper dollar. This petro-dollar play-money scam was fine for a while, until Saddam began selling his oil for other currencies – a big no, no! And look what happened to him. But belligerent countries such as Iran and Venezuela, much to the consternation of Illuminati, the society that controls the Federal Reserve Board, soon imitated his lead.

With all this mess building to a head, the elders approached and consulted with their anonymous supreme leader, before mentioned, and asked him how to solve the play-money dollar scam on which the planet was based. And, of course, he had a simply brilliant solution, which everyone agrees with, both friends and foes: the “Paper Standard.”

The paper standard is simple. It is based on the value of the paper it’s printed on. For example, at today’s rates, paper sells for about 0.50 cents per pound. And with the weight of a single dollar bill being about one gram, it means the value of the note is worth one gram of paper or 0.001 cents. This is the logical and sensible paper standard, which is real and actual. The old standard had the dollar artifically worth much more than the paper it’s printed on, or $1=$1. But now $1 = 0.001 cents. So finally the dollar is worth the paper it’s printed on.

“I think that this is brilliant, and I’m glad I thought of it. The paper-standard solves every thing. Its simplicity is stunning,” said President Obama on Meet the Press. “And the obvious extension is to only have one type and value of bill, the one dollar bill, worth $0.001 cents – otherwise the one dollar bill weighs about the same as the hundred dollar bill. So a single note currency, based on the paper standard, is the answer. It really is time for change. And I repeat, all credit goes to me and Mrs. Obama.” The president concluded.