DOMA – Who really wins?

I hate when people confuse marriage and love. That’s what’s been happening since the first time people started arguing this whole DOMA and Prop 8 and marriage equality and change your facebook picture to an arbitrary red equal sign. …okay, I thought that was pretty cute actually. I didn’t do it, but that’s because I don’t support the issue. (Whoa! Whoa! What? Brenna doesn’t support marriage equality!!?? WHOA!)

Please don’t click away just yet!

No one can tell you who you may or may not love. However, no one claimed to; love is not on the line here. The US government simply said with all of its fun laws that, “Marriage is between a man and a woman.”

Are they idiotic for saying so? Sure! They’re welcome to their opinions (til they force them down your throat). But of course you look at me like I’m crazy if I say the government is idiotic for any other reason. Selective memory is dangerous, folks.

Why do people get married? Is it really to prove your love? I’m in love with my boyfriend. I remember the first time either of us said it almost two years ago. Our being unmarried doesn’t lessen that and the act of marriage wouldn’t strengthen it. Love comes first always. (Sorry to put you on the spot a little, dude. O:-) ) I have a friend who’s getting married in September to a great, smart, funny guy with whom she is head over dancing heels in love. Is marriage the ONLY way they can express their love or else it’s invalid or lesser somehow? I highly doubt it. Marriage =/= Love.

That’s why I take issue with the many signs of protestors to DOMA that say things along the lines of “Let us love who we want to love!” The only reason people are up in arms about marriage equality is to get the same federally mandated benefits as every other married couple. Homosexuals want the same tax breaks that heterosexuals get. If it weren’t about taxes and someone stopping you from giving the love of your life your assets should something happen to you, marriage would be a ceremony and a party. It’s pretty and fun and then it’s over. The feeling of love, however, should never have altered because of it. Back in the day, marriage wasn’t about love; it was a contract. If it weren’t for finances, the government wouldn’t give a crap. You give them power when you say, “The Supreme Court allowed me to love my partner today!” If there were no taxation and tyranny, there would be none of these benefits and there would be no issue.

So no, I’m not pro marriage equality. In fact, I’m anti-marriage in its current state because it’s controlled by the State (NOT anti-love so please don’t get the wrong idea). Personally, I don’t want to get married. I want a hell of a party to celebrate love, but I want to call it what it is. I’d rename it if I thought I wouldn’t confuse people. We’d already be married, or joined, in our love, so “marriage” and “wedding” are out. I could name it after the Greek gods of love and partying–an Aphrodytillian! …okay, I’m working on it. But it wouldn’t be what we now know of as “marriage”. The only reason I plan on getting married one day is because this same tyrannical force that you praise is telling me that I can’t take care of the man I love in an emergency and I can’t share my assets with him unless THEY deem our union “lawful”. To that I politely say, “F*** you.”

This was actually one of the major reasons I reformed my political ideas from libertarianism to anarchism (more specifically anarcho-capitalism). How can you possibly be okay with someone else — a total stranger — deciding how you can care for someone you love? So I thought “Boot the State out from your life altogether!” I want to control my own life because NO ONE has the right or the better know-how to tell me how to live my life. For this reason, when I do get married, I have one major rule that will govern MY life with MY husband.

Under no circumstance will I say I am “lawfully” wedded.

Very basic, and there’s probably more I can do, but it’s me denying my consent yet again. When it comes to something as personal as your love and devotion to another human being, you better believe I’m gonna fight that. But the strike has to be where it counts. Instead of giving everyone the same tax breaks, get rid of taxes. Get rid of the government that can only survive by taxation and force and your consent. If you’re in love, then be in love! Go out and tell the person you love how much you love them, anyone else’s opinion be damned! Realize you don’t need anyone’s permission to do that. Then take back your consent from the people who want to capitalize on your feelings.

Don’t say some control over your life is okay and then complain when other people vote (just as you did) to have another aspect of your life run in a way you don’t like this time. If you want to be in control of your life, if you want to control not just who, but how you love, then do it.

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Brenna is a graduate of Kean University with a B.A. in theatre with teaching certification. Her passion for education has transformed her hobbies of performing, writing, and gaming into a lifestyle of performing her writings about gaming. She is an advocate for "radical" unschooling and lives her principles of voluntaryism. Brenna live streams board games with her fiance in their modest apartment in NJ with their two cats.