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Last week I was at work when my dad called and said my sister needed help in Italy and, for several reasons, I was the best candidate to come find her. By the end of the day I was flying from the US to Rome, then took a train 5 hours south, found my sister, got right back on the train (another 5 hours to Rome) and now I am stuck in a hotel trying to keep it together (barely at this point) for me and my sister...as my life continues in the US without me. My job and my plants have been unexpectedly left unattended. It sounds to some as a forced (sweeeet) vacation...for me it's been vacation to hell. Ok too harsh. It hasn't been easy, to say the least...I needed to vent. any stories?

I was 18 and browsing Facebook one day and saw a post from a band looking for a drummer to fill in for their tour last second. I had been playing for awhile but never done a tour. I had also seen them once or twice but didn't know any of them personally, they were in their 20's. I figured I'd shoot them an email just for the hell of it. I was working full time at Burger King at the time. Ended up getting a response, two practices and less than a week later I quit BK on the spot and was flying halfway across the country with a group of strangers for a month long tour.

Last year, I lost my job in Michigan, but I took it in stride, moved out to California to further purse my career in entertainment, make my own way, that sort of thing. I was staying with family while I got on my feet. I was just on the verge of being on my feet with an OK job while I set up my own web based entertainment, when my sister called and said my dad was real sick and she didn't know what to do. Given a lot of the circumstances (his unwillingness to talk about it, or visit a hospital, the fact that he needed to be near a larger town with solid medical services and she lived further away in a really tiny town) the best option was for me to move back to Kansas to help him out. Once we got him to the hospital, he was diagnosed with cancer.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't have to think twice about moving out to help my dad. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. But this is a longer term interruption of my life than I wanted. When it was just me I had to worry about, a menial job that took care of the essentials was perfectly fine. Now that it's my dad, I have to look into work that's more stable and permanent. This could completely derail my life plans, goals and dreams.

And now I'm conflicted, and sinking into another bout of depression (I've been dealing with it for over 15 years). Like I said, I'd do it again in a heartbeat. My dad's sick, and he needs someone here for him.

I just went through this...but I was only about 4 hours away. que to me driving constantly and dropping everything to be with him. he's gone now, and i can only wish I had stayed with him more. fuck my life, he is the reason I have a life to start with. :(

You're in a very rough spot. I'm sorry and I completely understand. Not anyone would do what you're doing though, so remember that and give yourself credit. It takes a lot of courage and love. I am sure life itself will restore balance and things will turn around and look up for you, guaranteed. Remain strong and (unrequested advice) try to look at things from a positive perspective (I know, easier said than done), but some times life shakes us up so we can look in a different direction in which we were missing something. What I mean is, yes, your life plan might've completely derailed, but that can be a good thing. It sounds like you were just OK with the direction you were going, and you mentioned you've had to deal with depression for many years now. So maybe this is an opportunity to look into that and re-asses your goals and dreams. what about you? you ask? well, it's about your father right now, but it's also an opportunity for things to be about you. Take time when you are not helping your father to sit somewhere and enjoy something you like (a glass of wine/ice cream/tea) whatever you enjoy a lot and sit and think of your life as a white canvas. Your plans changed and there is nothing you can do about it, but the future is still filled with possibilites. What was it that was making you depressed? has there been a pattern? if you had a chance to start over, what would you do? well, now you have a chance to do just that, in a new place, with new responsibilities, of course, but think of it as a learning experience. Ask yourself what you can learn from this situation. Take time to listen to your father and talk to him about whatever you need to talk about before there's no possibility of doing that. Explore your family, your history, yourself and then you'll be able to take whatever next step it needs to be taken to continue to move forward. Always forward. Good luck. And sorry for the long and maybe unnecessary advice, but it was kind of also for me. I'm with you. ::hug::

I do approach it positively, I think that I'll be able to pursue some of my interests in Kansas. Not to the extent as I could in California, but hey, I can still do it. It's just there's no way I can make solid money off it right away, so I have to worry about an actual job now. And the here and now takes precedent over the potential, at least in this incident.

A few others have said "Live for you, he's lived his life." But I'd never forgive myself if I didn't spend this time I have left with him.... with him. And if I didn't do what I could to make him comfortable now.

So... it's just a lull in my life... a hiccup. I'll pick it up again, I've just gotta wait.

Ever since high school, I always took comfort in movies. Go to the theatre or watch it on TV or whatever, movies made me happy. So now I make sure I go see at least one movie a week. At least 2 hours for just me, taking in the images and sounds and thoughts and art and everything on the screen. That's my "Me Time."

And rum.... Lots and lots of rum. Not to the point that it's a problem. Just... a glass or two a night, that's also my me time.

you sound like a wonderful person :) You are doing the right thing, in my opinion. I wish you good luck and if you keep your head where it's at, I have no doubt you'll make your dreams come true. Enjoy those movies and that rum, it sounds like a good time...and if you ever feel down remember there's a random stranger somewhere who intentionally thinks of you and believes in this crazy-sounding thing called energy and she sending some good one your way. ::internet hug::

you just described my ultimate fear. I hate to say it, but your dad has had his life, and he's done what he can in his life to influence the world. By putting your effort and influence into someone who can no longer apply that influence and effort himself, isnt moving the world forward in the grand scheme of things. You may love him, but you really have to weigh that against living your own life and eventually making a new family your l
Own. That is something difficult to do without a solid career, which only gets harder to get from this point on.

It is your life, but if it were mine, I would work on establishing my own life, which would probably make my dad happier than him knowing I'm not growing helping him.

Had a similar thing happen to me. I was living in Japan at this point. One morning my dad called me and told me that my mom had a medical emergency. So I booked a flight home to Europe and flew on the same day. Later I discovered that I basically abandoned my current life and plans, because I had to move back home.

soooo expensive, and airlines inconsiderate. I've been on the phone with AL Italia for hours since this started and today I tried to switch our tickets to go home ASAP and they said: $250 switching fee, $20 whatever fee and $900 for price difference on a last minute ticket that was originally $3000...what the fuck. I cried on the phone to the costumer service representative.

Yeah, I don't remember the price exactly, but it was more than my credit card could hande. Which I only found out at the airport. Fortunately I had a second credit card... Bastards! It really feels like your being taken advantage of in your most vulnerable position, doesn't it?

YES. Completely taken advantage of, and yes, at my worst. I get it's not the person on the phone's fault, but I wanted to scream (I didn't) I did literary cried though, and begged for a better deal. I am waiting for them to call me back with an update

Well... My life took quite a turn and I always wonder how things would have turned out otherwise, but in the end, I'm pretty happy now.

My mom died a year later, and there was not much anyone could have done about it. My main reason to come home and stay there was because I promised her to to look after dad. Not that he isn't able to take care of himself, but my brother also already lived abroad, so I thought it was my responsibility to at least be there.

I was enrolled in a PhD program studying business and seriously thought about staying in Japan. I pretty much had to abandon my studies and couldn't finish my thesis, because I would have had to stay in Japan for that.

After a short period of desorientation and frustration, I decided to turn what was my hobby up to this point, drawing comics, into my profession and became a self employed comic artist. It took a few years until I could make a living off it, but I managed to hang in there and succeeded in the end. Now I'm happy self employed, married, and live in my own suburban house... Life is good! :-)

Around 9 years ago ( I was 10) my family lived in finland. We had planned to move but I blanked on the given date. As usual i went to hang out with my mates. I ended up arguing with one of my friends yelling "fuck you, you piece of shit!" as I was walking home for the night. Next morning i find myself in our car driving up north and then to sweden where I have been living ever since. I still feel kind of bad about being a dick the last night I was there...

Im glad we moved though since I was all high and mighty, king of the class. In finland and i had to adjust to the social hierarchy at my new school. I learnt how to gain friends through kindness and appreciation instead of being a bully. I have nothing but gratitude towards former class for being able to take me down to earth.

She's been dealing with some sort of mental illness for the past few years (no one seems to be able to diagnose her exactly). She had been doing much better so she came to study abroad in the south of Italy. She had a crisis which disables her to accomplish even the simplest tasks and if it progresses she can become violent, disoriented and at its worst delusional. Someone had to get her.

She'd completed a similar program in france for even longer last summer and everything went well. We were hoping she was in the clear for a one month program. The past year has been her best since the issue started...no one saw it coming. And it could be argued that it's better to prevent than be sorry, but as family I think we naively believed she was fine for good. It's kind of hard to accept that one of your loved ones is simply not ever going to be completely "normal". Also, unfortunately, in her case there's nothing anyone outside of the family can do. It's a very complex situation that needs to be carefully handled and it's taken a long time for my father and I (not even my mother can) figure out how to deal with...so even if we made previous arrangements, there are so many particularities, really no one else but us can take it from there.

So, your still in Italy? Well health care is free here, and you don't need to be a citizen or anything actually, I even went to the hospital myself when I was only visiting Italy and it was free. Maybe before taking her back to the USA where health care isn't free, you should try bringing her to doctors in Italy.

This is a lot less drastic than everything else posted here, but it really hit me hard. My group of friends were getting high. One friend ended up having a seizure. I've been dealing with anxiety issues ever since, and I can be really annoying even with myself when things are happening, especially with the friend it happened to. I feel like I became overprotective and the anxiety has been making me miss out on things I once would have done no questions asked.

Watching someone have a seizure is a traumatic experience and what you're experiencing sounds like post-traumatic stress. When I was very young to be drinking and partying the amount I was partying I spent a crazy weekend with my friends and we saw a horrible car accident where people who we had just interacting with/could've been in the car with died. That, combined with the lack of sleep, heavy drinking and me being a developing teenager fucked me up for a while. I went from being this wild-I-wanna-explore-everything-and-live-a-crazy-life kind of person, to an anxiety-stricken and frightened little girl. I was no longer able to smoke weed or drink, I was constantly terrified of consequences. If I saw someone lean against a railing on a balcony I'd be incredible nervous and could only think about "what if". "what if they fall?" "what if that tylenol I took reacted bad with a beer?" "what if I die in my sleep" "what if the world ends" I was terrified of STD's even though I wasn't having sex, I had horrible anxiety and fear of going crazy or that something, anything, would happen. I couldn't be around people doing drugs or drinking too much. This went on for about two years after just one crazy weekend. I had panic attacks and straight up anxiety, full definition. After talking to my parents a lot about it and growing up a bit and coming to terms with what had happened I was able to move on and feel better. Have you talked to someone about what's happening to you? Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you for this post. I haven't touched weed since, and people high near me get me really nervous, which sucks because one of my best friends is basically a pothead. However, he's very understanding about it and has helped me. As far as my doctor and my mother are concerned, there was no illegal activity involved, but they know my friend had a seizure. I'm on medicine, and it's been over a year, and it's lessened quite a bit, most of my anxiety now centers on the exact problem, but it's still there, and I haven't been to therapy yet, even though my doctor wants me to. I like to think I'm at a place where I won't just randomly have a panic attack, but coming off my medicine gives me annoying side effects, so I haven't. :/

I was living with my dad, and a loud banging at the door woke us up. It was the sheriff, my sister died. Never heard a more disturbing scream from anyone and it almost makes me tear up recollecting it.

oh shit...I could just say I am sorry for your loss but that would be implying that I can even begin to comprehend how horrible your loss has been and how awful a hole must be felt in your family. Just beginning to go there has hurt. I also don't like empty cliche words that are said just cause that's what supposed to be said...but I am truly feeling your pain right now. And after typing this out I do, truly, feel sorry fo your loss. ::hugg::

It's the worst thing that'll ever happen to me, and it altered my life for sure, I was 19 just about to go to college (I didn't go after high school) and once that happened I didn't care about school. I lived at home for a while worked part-time, then hit the road, have been living all over the USA. Life's fragile, I could hop on the yellow brick road and get my education etc. Or I couid make it one fucked up ride. So I did what Tom Sawyer would and I'm making it an adventure.