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Friday, April 30, 2010

What You Should Know re: Non-Writers

Okay, look, people. There are a few things you need to know about non-writers. Yeah, yeah. I've seen those posts where writers try to tell non-writers what They need to know about Us. This isn't that post.

Because let's face it. If you're a writer, you're not normal. I repeat, if you're a writer, you're not normal. Besides, there're way more non-writers than writers, so you need to conform to the whole, okay? Okay.

Some tips:

Know your pitch. Not only will this take you far in conferences and with writing a killer query letter, but you'll be able to keep the interest of your non-writer friends.

See, they don't really care about your book. They care about you, but you have about ten (maybe twenty) seconds to tell them about your book before their eyes glaze over. You need to be able to answer the question "What's your book about?" in under twenty seconds. That way, when your accountant, old boyfriend, or grocery store checker asks you, you can tell them. And they'll still think you're human afterward, which is a huge bonus.

Refrain from talking about your characters as if they were alive. Trust me on this, it doesn't work. And non-writers get this scary edge in their eyes, and their fingers twitch like they need to dial for medical help, stat! when you discuss people that aren't alive.

Keep these kinds of convos between you and your CP's or other writerly friends. We get it. They do not.

Don't rationalize. Number one, it's a tad pathetic that we writers can't keep up with the laundry or remember to take dinner out of the oven before the whole kitchen is filled with smoke. The last thing we need to do is blame our writing for our lack of Martha Stewartness. I mean, that just makes the whole industry suffer, don't you think?

Own your shortcomings, because non-writers don't see writing as a reason why your kids ate cold cereal for the third night in a row.

Take a minute to pretty yourself up. Have you seen that Seinfeld where Elaine stays up all night writing a cartoon for The New Yorker? And Jerry makes fun of her because she doesn't even run a comb through her hair before leaving the apartment.

Yeah, I know that most writers are part vampire, and we can't stand the sun and we don't sleep. But seriously, people. You belong to a non-writer population as a whole. Take some time to change your clothes and brush your hair and teeth before leaving the sanctuary of your writing cave. And certainly don't cite writing as the reason you look like death warmed over. Non-writers only forgive the homeless and those who run for pleasure for looking like that. Srsly.

Accept the fact that They don't get it. You may be a very talented Sith Lord, but you are not going to convert the non-writer to the writing side. Loved ones may support you because they know how important this writing thing is to you. But the vast majority of non-writers don't get it. If they did, we wouldn't hear things like, "I wish I could write a book."

Love them for who they are: a non-writer. I mean, it takes both to make the world spin, right? Right.

What else do we writers need to know about non-writers? What did I miss? Have you showered yet today? (lol!)

I'm off to my husband's graduation (Masters, baby!) so I'll be offline for most of the weekend. Writers unite!

SO true, every bullet point! I learned a long time ago not to blame writing on the disorganization (and by that, I mean total chaos) of our house, because soon hubby was doing the same thing. You can't expect support from your man when he thinks your craft has contributed to the fact that he doesn't have clean underwear in the drawer.

Love this! Where were you five years ago when I spouted on and on about so-and-so (a character). Yes, the wild look entered my victim's eyes as she slowly backed up before turning and running away--in heels, no less!

Haha. Well, I'm kind of an OCD do-everything-even-if-it-kills-you kind of girl. So my house is clean, I'm clean, and blah blah blah. But I'm also fried. I have no idea how to focus on one thing, as opposed to everything.

Now, see, this is a great post. Especially the bit about honing your pitch to tell friends/fambly what the book is about. Which keeps you from rambling on and on about it, which keeps you from losing said friends :D Nice!

I went to my first writers' conference last weekend with the primary goal of making new friends- friends who write. We all discussed our characters as if they were real, and it was wonderful. I had one of the best weekends ever.

Another thing my non-writer friends don't understand is how how hard it is and how long it takes to actually get a book published. Although I could spend hours telling them about betas and queries and pitches, my non-writing friends don't want to hear the details. They just want to know when my book will be on the bookstore shelves.

A non-writer perspective? You give invaluable advice. It's probably good that I work part-time because on my writing days, I only remember to brush my teeth before I finally leave the house. At least I haven't resorted to stretchy clothing. Besides, I always have to shower bright and early, in case I get a sub call.

I try to think of non-writers as 'readers.' It makes a cool circle of life thing in my head.

I write the book. The reader pays for the book. The reader likes the book. I write another book with the money they gave me. The reader pays for the new book... see? It's a wonderful circle. One that I'd love to start as soon as I... yanno... get an agent and sell my book.

I tend to get two distinct reactions from non-writers when I tell them I am one. They either smile and give you that "sure, right" look and don't say much, or they are truly impressed and want to know more. Doesn't seem to be any in between. But they are all potential readers of anything I may have published. God love em.

First, congrats to your dh on his Master's. That's fantastic! And second...writers are a minority? Seriously? I have to get out off the computer and out of the house more, because it seems like EVERYBODY is a writer. ;-)

And I really need to work on my pitch. I've been seeing the eyes glaze over, and I don't tell most people I'm writing a book because I don't need the pressure. I put enough on myself already!

I've made a few stabs at a pitch/elevator speech, but since the book isn't done yet, I have to keep changing it to accomodate the changes in the book. I know how it's going to end, but that whole middle part is in flux right now.

My advice would be, be patient. When you tell non-writers that you are trying to get published, they don't understand that it can take years. And more years. They expect your book to be on the shelves tomorrow. And trying to explain the process only makes it worse.

Awesome post! Yes, it's sometimes hard to remember that non-writers aren't writers. I have to be careful around my family and friends, I'm already tossing out words like "partial" and "agent," and I can see their eyes getting farther and farther away.

This post actually made me feel better about myself. As a habitual offender of the majority of "no-nos" listed, I find it comforting to know it's not just me that gets these reactions from friends and family.

This is so good. And a great point tossed off in there. Practice that elevator pitch in front of people you meet. If there's no eye glazing before you finish, you know you've nailed it.Congrats to your hubby!

I totally gave up talking about my books with non-writing friends. You're right; they just don't get it. But that's okay, because I don't get my sister's photography or my dad's personal training stuff. So I think trying to understand their stuff is important too. If you show interesting in what they're into, they'll show interest in what you do.

Great post Elana! I can add another one, not that it ever happened to me.When you go to neighborhood's bookclub, don't go on and on about how bad the grammar of a much beloved book is. They will never forgive you.

And congrats to your husband! And you! After all, behind a great man, there's always a great woman!

Excellent points. My sister and I are super close, but I've come to accept that she's a non-writer and a non-reader to boot. That's why I never talk to her about my writing, except to tell her that I am writing, and she never asks to see it. This despite the fact that we share practically everything else - from nail polish to clothes. :P

Funny you should mention the vampire thing. My dad seems convinced that I'm one, but he doesn't seem to get there are morning people and there are non-morning people. I'm one of the latter. He's one of the morning folk. I just like staying up late over getting up early, okay?

Huge congrats to hubby! And I guess I'm also not supposed to tell the non-writers how my characters talk to me and we have actual little conversations. *giant sigh* Okay, I'll leave that part out. I guess they also won't get that I don't always know how my book will end when I start writing it. At least I have my fellow writers who 'get' me.

What about...don't freak people out with research questions. Like one time I asked a non-writer about ways a person could commit suicide. Thankfully, this non-writer was a friend and knew it was for writing research...but seriously, that coulda been bad.

We are all sort of the same animal aren't we? LOL I've found myself stumble on the "what's your book about" part before. Also, for some reason when I say what it is about, they kind of look at me like "oh." so I just say it's a YA Paranormal ;o)

Being new to the writing community, I am a newborn in all of this. I still have a day job, and HAVE to shower every day. (It sucks!) But I am learning that no one beside my writing friends cares about what I'm writing. I'm just now learning to shut my mouth in mixed company.

I'm so totally guilty of talking about my characters as if they are alive. I do it to my husband all the time, and he does indeed give me the crazy eyes. I read this post aloud to him and he nodded along, sagely. haha.

Great post! I tried to get my friends to sing "Happy Birthday" to one of my characters once when I was in high school. That... did not go so well. I've learned since that non-writers are both more and less interested in my writing than I would have expected. More in that most of my friends will completely accept "I can't right now, I'm going to write for a bit" as a valid excuse. If I take it seriously, they do, too.

Less in that while they are generally very impressed that I live in the mysterious world of Pulling Things Out of My Head, they don't at all want to hear about my little plot snafus and breakthroughs. Oh, well.

And I *have* showered today! (Though it had... erm... been a while. ^_^)

What?! You're taking all my excuses away. What else can I blame on burning the dinner? And, where are all the forks? Something in our house is eating them! My characters aren't real? huh? But, I see them. They're at the coffee shop with me. I can hear them talking...hmmm. Maybe I should take a shower?

(And, actually, I've always felt it was a bit strange when writers talk about their characters as if they're real. I guess I'm in the minority here, but I've got a CP who is constantly talking about her character X and what she thinks and what she'd do, etc., etc., and it kind of wigs me out!)

So true! I'm especially fond of talking my characters into reality. I have feelings for them, but if that's wrong then--well, none of you would think that was wrong!

One amazing thing to share: my non-writer friends are psyched about being in my books. I've had coworkers ask me to base a character on them. Over half of my characters were born this way, from some special trait gleaned from the weirdos I work with.

And congrats to the hubby, Elana. I'll be glad when mine's done with his Bachelor's (I'm just jealous cause he gets better grades than I do).

I love that! I laughed so hard, thank goodness I had set down my coffee! Its so true, especially the part about not talking about your characters like they're real. That does tend to freak people out! And the pitch, I never thought of using it on my non-writer friends. Awesome idea!

LOL! Loved this post. I was feeling irked that some non-writers weren't responding to my emails. Then I realized that (duh) they were not writers, and there for did not check their email every day (or every hour!)

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