Ironman Florida - TriathlonFull Ironman

This is going to be quite long but its very much a reflection on my life and my triathlon life and a way for me to asses things and what I want to do moving forward more than anything else. Welcome along for the ride.

The journey to the Ironman starting line starts WAY before race day as all of us know. My inital IM experience in 2006 was a drive to do this to raise money for cancer research for my parents. Over the years I have raised roughly $25,000 for cancer reserach and $4500 for team RWB. IM is an inherently selfish pursuit and it gives me a bit more purpose. This year was for my coaches son who, at 12 months of age was diagnosed with a brain tumor he continues to fight. Despite that motivation it was not enough to continue on this particular race day

Without a doubt this was the most painful thing I have ever done. More painful than my IMTX attempt (I was sick not in pain, well some pain but not like this) or any of my previous 5 completed ironmans. More painful than any of my numerous surgeries or doing my first oly on a broken hip.

In golf they what are called grinders. They work harder than the other more talented players and grind it out. I am the grinder of triathlon. I am not talented enough to get away with half assed training. I have always known this and yet the last 2 IMs I have attempted I went in undertrained, particularly on the run and more so for IMTX than this race. I did NOT anticipate not finishing.....it really was not in the plan although I think that that possibility is in the back of every ironman athletes head, even the pros, its something you push to the side but it looms there.

I suppose that leads me to race week....finally right? Anyway I do enjoy the build up and the anticipation of race week. Its hard to explain. I get to see my friends and family in a wonderful magical place doing something challenging we all enjoy. I packed my car tuesday night and got up at 3:45 and was on the road by 4:15. I had a conference call with my coach at 8 and, although its seems daft, the first 5 hours in the car went by quickly.

Arrived around 11:30 CST and got checked in and did the expo thing but could not get into my unit. I got ART on my hip and foot which was brilliant. Went to my parents and ate and laid down for a bit then went food shopping. Around 3:30 they call me with the code for my unit and I unloaded. Dreadfully tired. I had been fighting a cold for about a month and was taking psuedafed and it was one of those things where you are not sure if the cure is worse than the disease. I made contact with Missy and Jasha and we were all tired and met for an early dinner......let the fun and commraderie commence.

Went to bed EARLY. Woke up pretty early and had some cereal before heading down to the BT swim. Met up with the crew and off we went. it was very choppy and I lost everyone in a nanosecond. I really was not that into it and swam out and in then left to go home, rinse off and beat it to the airport to pick up pumpkin. Pummpkin safely retrieved (YAY) I went to go out for a bike ride...air compresson DEAD. Bummer. Rode to the expo and the wheel place would not let me stand there and use their pump. Seriously? Found a pump. Did my ride and run and was glad to be done with it as I was not feeling well. Went back and showered. My parents had arrived by then, they were over in Boardwak and we were in Shores.

Unfortunately pumpkin was cooked. He had gotten up at 2 am to get to the airport and fell alseep. I went to dinner with my parents and we met up with Missy and Steve. I fed pumpkin when I got back and Jeff and Wendi rolled in sometime that night but we both crashed.

Got up the next morning for the swim. Visited with Wendi and Jeff and we got pumpkin into his new wetsuit. He is signed up for his first tri in May and while he has a lot of expereince scuba diving has never been in a tri wetsuit. It took all three of us to zipper him in :) We had a fun time at the swim and pumpkin enjoyed his wetsuit greatly. Lunch, ran to home depot to buy a new air compressor, drop bikes and bags off, sign up for next year (not sure about the wisdom of that) and pumpkin went off to pick my friend Deb at the airport and her friend Erica. We went to dinner at my parents and then to bed early. A good time was had by all

Event warmup:

Race day morning we got up at 4, I got dressed and we walked to transition meeting Jasha on the way. My air compressor would not work so I got my tirs pumped by the pro. Loaded up my nutrition, and put my GPS on my race belt which promptly broke....lovely. We dropped our bags off then went to hang out at my parents and eat breakfast. Mellow morning. Wetsuit on and off to the races. No warm up. Its an ironman the swim is the warmup.

Swim

1h 23m 21s

4156 yards

02m 01s / 100 yards

Comments:

I am actually pretty Ok with this. I was fairly zen throughout the swim. I tried to start to the rightish as the current was pushing us to the left. I usually try to start towards the front and try to take advantage of the draft. The pros went off first then the national anthem. It was pretty choppy but swimming with 3000 of my closest friends they blocked the surf nicely on the first loop.

There is always conact at IM but its rarely malicious. I did take more hits to the face than I ever have. I have a scrape on my forehead where my goggles got banged in to my forehead. Out to the first buoy was challeneging and crowded but I felt I did well drafting although I may have seeded myself a bit far back. Across the top into the sun went quickly with the current pushing us and I was thankful for those long continuous swims I did this year. My mantra was kick kick hip hip reminding myself to kick and to complete my stroke to my hip. Down the back stretch and body surf in. When I stood up my watch said 36:xx

I think most of us had wanted to start more to the right for the second loop but the crowd was all the way down to the water and you were forced onto a diagnoal. without the mass of the group getting back in was more difficult thru the surf and it had become more choppy. Its was good 4 foot rollers. If you were in the bottom of the swell you could not see the buoys at all. Kick kick hip hip. I did much better drafting this year on the second loop than in years past. My mind was a blank and I just kept swimming trying to draft and conserve energy. The top section went quickly as did the final leg in. I body surfed well into the beach and stood up. My watch said 1:22:xx.

What would you do differently?:

I was swim challeneged in Texas. One pool made me physically ill and the other this summer was often too crowded for me to swim laps. Plus that whole trying to drag myself off the couch to train thing. 2 months of swim training is not enough on top of 18 months of shitty swim training.

Transition 1

08m 27s

Comments:

It took a bit to get up and out of the water up over the timing mat. Up the beach to the wetsuit strippers who did a marvelous job. I was taking my time in the sand. My mom and dad were to the left of the barrier as you go thru the building in to transition and I handed them my wetsuit, cap and goggles, happy to see them.

My poor mom has had a rough year. Right before the 2011 race she was diagnosed with lymphoma in her thigh. She also fell and broke her knee cap this summer and had foot surgery about 2 months ago in combination with having gone thru chemo and radiation this year for the lymphoma plus being rheumatoid and having post poilio syndrome she is a tough lady. Her foot surgeon didn't wanther walking on the sand or very far, so I know she was feeling a bit left out and I was very very happy to see her.

Grabbed my bag easily but my tender feet were not going to allow me to run thru the parking lot. Also I got glass imbedded in my foot in that parking lot at Gulf coast a few years ago so I didnt want to take any chances.

Went inside and found a place to sit and just did my thing. I had a helper and I didn't need a lot of the things I had in my bag as I was prepared for the usual cold weather and they were predicting highs in the mid 80s. No need for gloves and arm warmers!! My helper found me a safety pin for my race belt as it had fallen apart when I slid the GPS thing onto the belt. Grabbed my uncrustable and off I went. Had a couple bites and threw it off. Saw my friends by the barrier and waved. Made a pit stop on the way out and got Lucy's Spirit.

What would you do differently?:

I am happy with this. Considering I walked the whole transistion and I stopped to pee I'd say it went pretty well.

Bike

7h 26m 4s

112 miles

15.07 mile/hr

Comments:

This was just BAD. I'm not really sure where it all went so wrong.

So I came out of transition and I saw pumpkin on the way out and waved. Seeing him certainly gave me a boost. At this point I was doing pretty OK. My swim was a little slow but I never expected to be blistering anyway with my spotty swim training the last 18 months. I took off down front beach road and was cruising along well. I was getting passed a lot at 19MPH which, perhaps should have been a sign I was going too slow, but I am usually pretty good at racing my own race and just kept doing my thing.

Down 79 and up over the bridge. I SUCK at hills of any sort. I accept this and go my own slow sorry pace up over them. It is what it is. When you live in a place with no hills, well, you suck at hills. Down 79 and make a right onto rte 20. I was feeling pretty good. I was managing a nice pace for me. I think I might have taken in a bit too much fluid. My stomach was full and I had a bit of a side stitch which would stay with me until about 15 miles into the run. I had been fighting a cold in the weeks leading up to the race and had been taking pseudafed the week prior and the days leading up to the race which may have driven the thirst even tho I did not take it race day.

Anyway we turned off 20 and I was doing fantastic. Feeling happy and maintaing a susatainable pace. My socks were DRENCHED and the prospect of many more hours on the bike with wet feet was unappealing so I took them off while riding one at a time. Also my other concern was that I struggle with blisters and wanted my feet to be dry for the run. '

One of the the things that did me in was the bumpy out and back. Now I have riden this section of crappy road many times before but this time it just TORE ME UP. Its about 8 miles in total with what I would call frost heaves if it were in the north, roughly every 2 feet. For 8 miles. KA thunk KA thunk KA thunk KA thunk KA thunk KA thunk. The road is also quite banked and you have to stay vigilent. The road is strewn with lost water bottles, tires, tubes, food, etc etc

At anyrate I was still maintaining a good pace on the out portion and made the turn around in still good time. I had seen Renee on the side on the out portion but I was doing 19MPH and hanging on for dear life and could not stop but decided to stop and give her my fix a flat on the way back but she was gone. Turns out it was a problem with her disc not a flat anyway and she soon passed me.

On the back part was when I started feeling bad. My neck and upper back were in spasm. My legs were cramping despite the fact I had been taking electrolytes. My calf which had been sore for weeks was protesting greatly. I just really wanted off that f-ing road. Finally off the road but the damage was done. I just felt like I had NO energy to turn the pedals after that point. The road connecting us back to route 20 is a little up and down but nothing I have not down before. Nothing. Nada.

At the 4 hour mark I had gone 68 miles so a solid 17 MPH pace which was where I had expected to be but I just never got my groove after that. I was miserable and demoralaized. I am NOT that horribile a cyclist but my legs just had nothing. My neck and back were hurting so badly I was leaning on my elbow on my aerobars holding my head up. Being upright was no better so I figured that was at least semi aero. At times I would grab the straw to my aerobottle in my teeth to hold my head up praying I would not hit a bump and it would go thru the roof of my mouth.

Route 20 was torture. There was a head wind...nothing much maybe 10-15 MPH, nothing I should not be able to easily handle, but that in combination with the rollers just ate me up. I stopped atop one of the bigger hills and got off my bike to just stand up for a few seconds and then carried on. I felt like the entire field had passed me. SURELY I MUST be DFL by now. Up and down up and down finally after an eterity we turned onto 79 which also felt like head wind

I admit it was curious thru this last section and I can't explain it. at times I would be able to cruise nicely and then be reduced to a snails pace of 12-14 MPH. I felt pathetic. You start doing the math...if I continue at this pace it swill take me HOURS to finsih. WTF? I HATE THIS. I am NEVER doing an IM again. WTF was I thinking signing up AGAIN for next year. I. Am. An. Idiot.

I was kind of hoping they had eliminated that second out and back but I was not that lucky. I just wanted off the frigging bike. My legs had nothing and I had no idea how I was going to manage to pedal over the bridge. I was shocked there was anyone left to pass me. The bridge. Finally. Only 12 miles left. I made it about 2/3rds up the bridge and walked my bike the rest of the way. Down the other side and just so thankful to almost be there. Trying to push as hard as I could so the last little bit would not take and hour. I was just astounded at how poorly I was doing

The last 12 miles were more of the same, going 18-19 one minute then 12-14 the next. Finally onto S. Thomas drive where I saw the crew and the concern in their eyes. I was never so happy to give my bike away.

What would you do differently?:

I have no idea. I had a complete melt down after mile 68-70ish. My legs had nothing, my body was painful and cramping. I am usually a pretty decent biker. This was just dreadful.

Transition 2

08m 11s

Comments:

The transitions were about all I mananged to do well. They had the run bags inside so after GLADLY handing off my bike I went inside got my bag and sat down. The cramping in my neck and back immediately went away. I had a VERY nice excellent helper. She filled my bottle and I scraped off the outer layer of grime and put on my socks shoes and hat. Grabbed my uncrustable and had a few bites before throwing it off. I stopped to pee as I had not peed the whole bike ride and I didn't manage much. For someone with only one kidney that was probably not good. My family was on top of the hill between the condo and transition and I waved hello and My dad and bob ran down the hill to see me off on the run

What would you do differently?:

I did well here. I am Good with it esp as I made a pit stop.

Run

6h 12m 18s

20.5 miles

18m 10s min/mile

Comments:

I was actually HAPPY to be out running because it meant I was off the frigging bike. To be honest I would have been happier on the beach with a corona but I was much happier to be running than biking at this point. I saw my friends and soldiered forward. Any type of run walk we had planned was not going to work. I was on a run one cone walk one cone mission. (they have those orange traffic cones out on the course)I felt better for a while and did a run 2 cones walk one cone thing for a bit. I was moving slowly but moving doing a 15 ish minute pace which would bring my home in the alotted time

My right calf was a problem from the get go. It had been sore for weeks. No idea why, just my bodys way of telling me I am doing a bit too much. My hip was good. A small triumph. Really for the first 13-14 miles my plantar fascia behaved as well. I still had the side stitch from the bike. I had my hand held with NUUN and lavasalts. I drank all that down on the first loop. I saw Jasha and was so happy for me he was doing SO WELL. WAY out in front of me. Had been looking for Tom all day but had not seen him because he was busy tearing up the course. Looked for Renee but knew she would be well in front of me at well.

Was ever so thankful to be getting into the state park. Got thru the turn around and to be honest can't rememebr what time I did that at. I think I hit the entrane to the state park around 1:26 into my marathon. Out of the park and back thru the neighborhoods, taunting myself with in X miles you can have your diet coke in SN :) I saw Tom and he walked with me a bit. To be honest this got me out of my walk run pattern. I was feeling really bad.

It was definately WAY warmer than in previous races but despite all my problems I do not think this was a factor. I train in far warmer conditions although I was annoyed with being constantly WET since 7 am. I had tied an under armour cold gear around my waist in T2 but it was SOAKED with sweat. REALLY? I am SWEATING moving this frigging SLOW? geez o pete.

With about a mile to go Wendi found me and quite frankly I can't thank her enough. Total Angel. She ran walked with me thru SN and they miraculously produced a chair for me to sit on to do my thing. DIET COKE!! I had no desire for my vanilla Oreos and left them. It was dark by now and I clipped on my hat light. I had 4 hours. It was going to be close. My dad and Bob were there and I handed off my SN bag. Sweaty hugs and I have to say that gave me a little boost. I really didn't want to go back out there but off I went. NOT. FUN.

I could hardly drink the diet coke. I had a few ounces and threw it off. I had thrown off my hand held earlier. I was taking water at every aide station and a little coke. Took 2 sips of chicken broth BLECH. Bad idea. I was nauseous, my foot hurt, I had blisters and it felt like I had a knife in my leg. Of note is that my hip did NOT hurt......small triumphs. I harldy ate the whole run. Maybe 10 grapes, 4 chomps and 2 oz coke. I really was consistent with the water.

Poor Wendi. I seriously wanted to quit. I would bend over and put my hands on my knees and could feel my quads moving and spasming under my hands. She kept trying to encourage me to go faster and try to run. I made several stops to sit. I would only stop maybe 30 seconds. It was completely PATHETIC that I was moving that slow and yet sweating and short of breath. I was frigging WALKING and slowly at that. WTF was WRONG with me? How the HELL did I go so fast in 2008?

We sat on a concrete slab and its coldness was pure heaven under my cramping legs. I had some kinieso tape we tried to put on my calf but I was so nasty even after wiping off the sweat and grime it only stayed on 10 minutes which was a shame as it did help. I stopped and she said look out for the car.....I asked if I could stop if it hit me and she said NO!! I was in serious jeopardy of not making the cut off but I could not go any faster. There was a police officer in the middle of the road and I sat on her box and she gave me a back rub. Yet another angel on the course.

Steve was on his way in and Wendi ran in with him. I continued forward across the street before we turn towards the park. I came to the aide station and asked if I could sit. The man replied "Don't sit you will lock up" I said "I'm already there honey" Had some water and went on. Into the park and sat for 30 seconds in the aide station. The angels had a PAPER TOWEL and my hands and face were DRY for the first time in 14+ hours. That felt lovely.

Off I go. I didn't know what the cutoffs were. Quite frankly it never occured to me that I would not make them. I tried to channel Kathy and how hard she battled the year before and Missy and how happy she would be to be at this point but really all there was was pain. I was limping badly. Attempting to run was out of the question esp as its pretty darn dark in the park with uneven pavement and I did not want to face plant.

I got to the turn around and asked what the cutoff was. They had no clue and said keep going. I replied I was not going to make the cutoff as it had taken me 2:30 to get there and I only had 2 hours to get back. I could barely walk. They said keeep going we are just staying til they tell us to go home. They were kind of assholes about it to be honest. I limped forward and almost turned around to go back but they had been so mean I didn't want to sit with them til the end of the race. I was amazed that anyone was still behind me.

My friend Deb bounced out of the dark suddenly. She is a hoot. I told her I wanted to stop. "Are you SURE?" fuck yeah I am sure. "Are you sure you wont' regret it?" yep. I told her I was not going to make the cut off. She replied I could still get a medal even if I were over 17 hours....I did not give a rats ass about a medal.

We got to the next aide station and the angels who had given me that paper towel also gave us a ride back to the condo. I could hardly walk. It was not going to get better and it had taken me 18 minutes to go 1/2 a mile. I didn't see a big reason to keep going to not finish and tear myself up further. I was pissed about the second DNF of the season but not pissed enough to keep going.

That was the most glorious car ride of my life. the sweet lady who hauled my sweaty disgusting ass back was like "WOW you would have had to go THIS much further?" I was never so happy to NOT be running/walkig/shufling/limping. I felt really bad for the poor slobs on the course who were probably 4-5 miles BEHIND where I was and would not make the cutoff.

I got dropped off at the condo as NO WAY could I have walked back from the finish line.

What would you do differently?:

My run training was low this year. Too low. Not enough long runs for this grinder. My life got in the way, injuries, etc etc. I did the best I could in the time and circumstances I had. No excuses. Just the limits of time, space and my life.

Post race

Warm down:

I took the elevator up and limped to the room. Called everyone so they would not worry. SHOWERED. Ice ice baby. FOOD.

What limited your ability to perform faster:

Good question. I certainly have had inconsistent training the last year. I was sick for 6 weeks after IMFL 2011 then I made a bad decision in signing up for IMTX. I tried cramming the build and it didn't work for me. Depression, injuries and a bad place to train didn't help. When you are beaten down everyday at work and have to be at work at 6am only to then do nothing for hours on end it really hard to make yourself get up at 4am to train. Esp when all you want to do is curl up in a ball on the couch and pull a blanket over your head.

I knew I was depressed and unhappy in Texas but until I left I had not idea just how depressed, unhappy and ANXIOUS I was. It took a month for the nightly work nightmares to go away after I moved. It was a monumental effort to haul myself off the couch and get on my trainer a few feet away much less go to the pool where I may or may not be able to swim for whatever reason. I was COSTANTLY expected to be someone backup so I was always living in fear of the phone ringing while I was training. Also it was ridiculously HOT and windy there. So the combination of the heat,the wind,the work nightmare and the depression did not make for a great combo. There are not many people who know the extent of my despair in Texas. Its hard to explain and I prefer to put it behind me but it probably effected me more than I realized

Certainly things made a huge HUGE change for the better after moving to FL but for me 2 months of solid trainnig is apparently not enough.

Event comments:

So I sit here fingering the scrape on my forehead where my goggles gouged me getting kicked on the swim saturday, digesting the events of the weekend and trying to figure out where it went so wrong. Trying to find the words adequate to describe all the feelings, I realize that finishing or not finishing does not diminish me or make me any larger or smaller than if I had never raced. My friends and family still love me and all the messages I would have had of congratulations are instead those of you still rock etc etc. I am still and will always be a 5 time ironman regardless as to weather or not I choose to continue on in this sport at this or any other distance and it has never defined me as a person its just something I happen to do.

Its been a rough few years. Its been a rough few years probably dating back to 2007. It was a professional mess. My partner was left me high and dry with too many employees and in a huge financial pit of despair I am still digging out of. I had big decisions to make. My then office manager made it all worse. I had to fire a lot of people I really liked. It was deavastating. I did not do IM that year. I did a HIM BADLY with a complete emotional breakdown. Moving in to 2008 I got dumped because "I was not fun enough" and tried to move on. In the end that was for the best but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt at the time. I buried myself in training and work still trying to save my business. I did have a massive PR at IMFL in 2008 which brought me much joy. I expected to be better but not 2:13 better. I had good days and bad days in training and I remembered those time this year during training but I guess I just didn't have enough good days this year and too many bad ones.

There has been a gradual decline in my performance the last several years. I gained wieght, I closed my business and took another job 1/2 way across the country away from friends and family but financially I had little choice. I HAD to make a change. The business was not going to survive. It was heartbreaking to say the least.

Texas was suppposed to be my salvation but it ended up being near professional suicide. The only thing good I can say is that it did get me on my feet financailly, but I was even more miserable. Training there was difficult if best and work was a nightmare. If it had not been for Pumpkin I do not know what would have happened. We both had our own disasters going and saved each other for sure. Certainly 5 years of emotional stress have taken its toll.

My life with pumpkin, even tho we are still long distance, and here in florida is a million times improved over what I endured for 18 months after closing my business and for that I am eternally grateful. I need a break from triathlon and time to think although I admit that redemption is in the back of my mind and I am not sure what I would do with my time if I were not constantly training. I used to be pretty good at golf but I enjoy the fitness and I enjoy the social aspects and the cool factor of doing IMs. I really want to do at least one half this year. Its been a long time and I like the distance. As for IMFL next year I am not sure. I am not done thinking. It would sure be fun to race with Deb and Missy tho.

Thanks to so many people. First to my wodnerful coach Will Kirouasis of Tri-Hard coaching who has seen me thru thick and thin for so many years. I raced for his little boy this year and my heart breaks with what his family is going thru. Cancer puts everything in perspective, esp IM and it is both important and insignificant at the same time. I am proud to have raised $4500 for this little boy and his family regardless as to the outcome for me which doens't matter at all in the grander scheme of life. For my sweet Pumpkin. His name is David. I can say that now but now everyone knows pumpkin and if I say David no one will know who I am talking about, but I may not have survived my time in Texas without him. He gets me and I get him and he is the love of my life. And he thinks I am fun :) My parents for their never ending support although I suspect they still don't entirely get it but that is OK too.

To my wonderful friends. Wendi for running/walking/shuffling with me for well over 5 miles of the marathon and for making me food afterwards, Deb for exploding out of the darkness just when I needed it most and understanding why I wanted to stop. Jeff, Missy, Cecelia, Tom, everyone on this crazy ironman journey, my friends at home Kathy, Jen, Betsy and everyone else following along at home. Onward and upward my friends!

You are an amazing women who I have hugh respect for and am so proud in everything you do and everything you stand for. There are so many areas in life and right now you have found the most deserved happiness with Pumpkin. You have raised so much money by doing Ironman triathlon throughout the past couple years and that has been your main focus which is so admirable! You taught me of the Janis Charity which helped me raise $14,000 for a very small well deserving charity in my home town...after that I did the Make A Wish Racer at Timberman...I would never have even been aware of these wonderful sources for helping other is it wasnt for you. You don't need to decided or plan next year just enjoy your happiness you have finally found and you will know what you are meant to do when it comes to other areas in your life. Thank you Sue for being such a inspiration to so many!

After such an emotional rollercoaster, I'm glad you've found a place to be happy - it was an amazingly tough day for you, and I'm impressed with how much you accomplished. This wasn't your day to race, but it was your day to do your best which is exactly what you did.

It was so cool to see you in PCB last weekend!! So much fun to be up there and be part of the atmosphere. It may not have been the result you were hoping for last Saturday but, as you have essentially identified yourself, the last few years have pretty much been one long rough endurance event. How you managed to keep your head together and still train and show up for IM amazes me. Now that financial ruin,Texas hellhole, etc. are in the rear view mirror, sounds like you should take a moment to let yourself breathe and enjoy being in a new, better place with an awesome guy in your life who supports you and deserves you. I have no doubt whatsoever that you are going to come roaring back triathlon-wise when you have a moment to recoup and devote some physical and mental energy to it.

Sue, you know I feel you 100%! We are twins in another life. I had the exact same thing happen to me at Loo, mile 70 stomach was done, mile 90 legs locked up, mile 95 had to stop and cried. I was so dilligent in my training, that it was especially heartbreaking. What can you do? Especially when people say to you, come on, you can do it! No, no I can't. My legs have said no. Its not what your heart or brain say, but that doesn't matter.

You race on heart, and that is why its difficult when your body lets you down. Sometimes we can push through the pain and the negative thoughts, but sometimes you simply have no choice but to stop.

YOU have nothing to prove Sue. You are a tough tough chick. You've had a HELL of a past few years, and you're coming to the light at the end of the tunnel.

You have had a quite a time with a to of different things being thrown at you. Heal, enjoy your new home, and just find happiness in doing what so many others can not...even just walking down the block. Sounds like a bit of burn-out...take some time away from S/B/R and a training plan and just enjoy life.

Thanks for sharing your experience. Even if you don't spell-check, youre a fantastic writer....and have a special talent for making us FEEL what you were going through....even in this DNF, you are still an inspiration <3