Four Minutes Away

I didn’t post yesterday because I didn’t have it in me. This whole week I’ve been stressing over the race to a ridiculous degree. Truth be told, after reading race recaps over the last week I wasn’t pumped up – I was doubtful of my abilities, my training and my readiness to hit my goals.

All week I tried to get my head in the race. I wrote a post about it. I reached out to Aron (from Runner’s Rambles) for advice and tips. I watched Spirit of the Marathon.

I tried, but for some reason I really doubted I could do it. And that helped seal my fate.

But, that wasn’t all of it. I’m not going to blame coming in 4:01 minutes over goal completely on my mental state. But, it did not help. And it was very hard to stay positive when it got hard during the race.

I knew that not going into the race confident would hurt me – and that scared me more than actually not being confident.

Yesterday I hit up the expo. It was anti-climactic. I don’t know about anyone else, but I enjoy the expo for some free loot and it was kinda slim.

I ended up running around like a crazy person trying to get my shirt for race day. I ordered a shirt online a while back and it came on Friday. But, it was too big and I knew I shouldn’t wear it like that given chafing and overall comfort.

As expected I had a hard time sleeping last night. It’s always hard to sleep before race day! Jitters!!!

Finally my alarm went off at 4:20am this morning and I got ready and fueled up with a cinnamon roll with AB&PB and coffee.

These things are so good! It basically cinnamon raisin bread in this shape.

I filled my water bottle with Gu Brew. The plan was to drink it all by mile 11 or 12 and hand it off to Ben. He was planning to see me at that point anyways and it was a good amount of time.

We drove to Long Beach and Ben dropped me off near the Start. He usually drives somewhere to take a nap and get breakfast before he finds a spot to cheer for me 🙂

I lined up near the 4 hour pace group. I didn’t formally announce it on the blog because I’m very superstitious, but my goal was to break 4 hours.

But, I had some super strong long runs where I averaged 9:06 pace and knew that sub 4 hours was an attainable goal. I would have to pace about 9:10 to do it, but some of my long runs were faster than many training plans have to run long runs to hit goal.

It was my first 20 miler that gave me the confidence to shoot for it. Unfortunately, a few less than stellar runs after that shook my confidence more.

None-the-less, I knew that I really truly wanted to break 4 hours. So, I grabbed a 4 hour pace band at went for it.

I started off feeling slow, but that was actually for the best. I am really bad about pacing myself so my legs being a little heavy made me start off at the pace I probably should have anyways.

I did really well the first 15 miles or so and was on pace to do it! Ben saw me at mile 12 and I felt good. I actually got him a pace band too so he’d know if I was on target or not and when to expect me at the finish.

Here I’m handing off my water bottle to him. I only wanted to use it for the first half and then use water stations, but it ran out a little early and ended up double fisting.

At this point I was about 3 to 4 minutes in front of the 4:00 pace group. He knew about my goals and was keeping close track of my times and the 4 hour pacer.

Looking at the pace band and my Garmin I finally thought I could do it!

But, at mile 17 I hit a wall and started to slow down.

I saw the 4:00 pace group. I told the leader I was going to try and stay with them.

Then, I saw the 4:00 pacer run away and I couldn’t keep up 🙁

I kept her in eyesight for a few solid miles. But, I walked through the aide stations and the distance between us increased.

My heart sunk, but I knew all was not lost. I tried to use the pace band to figure out if I could make it up. I tried really hard to get back to a 9:10 pace, but I didn’t make myself. *At this point I think I could have pushed it a little more, but I’m not sure because I am not used to pushing myself on long runs or in speed work so I can’t really say.

At Mile 24 Ben got a text that I was at 3:42:13. That would mean I would have to run sub 9 minute miles to break 4 hours.

I still wanted to give it a good shot so I kept running (you know, as opposed to sitting on the curb crying and ripping my bib off in a tragic rant of failure).

Around mile 23 I started getting cramps in my leg right above the knee toward the inside. It began as a twitch (like when your eye twitches randomly), but grew. I stopped near a light pole for balance and stretched my quads a bit.

Luckily, I was able to keep running after that small stretch 🙂 It happened again a mile later, but at that point I was so close to the end I just ran through it.

I crossed the finish like at 4:04:00.

Pace: 9:19

I was exactly 4 minutes from goal.

Since I felt a little defeated I got so happy when I saw my family cheering for me near the home stretch! I started to wave and smile. Yah! Then, I remembered I was almost done and wanted to rip the band-aid off.

My family saw me towards the finish and I met up with them as soon as I pulled it together past the finish line. There were a few tears, but not many as I didn’t want to hyperventilate and was still breathing heavy. I just felt really defeated.

Matt and I with the sign he was holding.

Ben made the “Si, Se Puede” sign. I loved it 🙂

And the view from the back of my shirt.

Ben was super supportive this entire training cycle and I love him so much for it. After the race I hobbled back to the car and iced my knee while eating a banana. I felt a little nauseous and was not hungry at all, but knew I should eat something. Then, I went back to my mom’s for a shower before food. I am always DRENCHED after a long run. Drenched.

Finally it was time to eat! We went to BJ’s Restaurant and Brew House. Ben was starving so we shared nachos. They weren’t very good, but I wasn’t feeling picky.

I stole the salad that came with Ben’s food.

The rest of my peeps and I shared a vegetarian pizza on whole wheat crust. The waiter said ww crust is new and I love that they have it. Our toppings were onions, mushrooms and bell peppers. It was no Chicago deep dish, but again I wasn’t feeling picky.

And because the reason you go to BJ’s is not the pizza at all, but the Pizookie… we ordered the Chocolate Chunk Pizookie and it comes warm with two scoops of vanilla ice cream. Ben said it felt like this meal was a marathon of eating and around course 18 he thought he hit the wall.

Yeah, until we got the Pizzookie and then everyone was all over that! Now we’re relaxing at my mom’s. Ben needed a nap because he said, “I’m very tired from watching my wife run a marathon today.”

Poor thing.

After coming off the high of running a marathon I’m going to think about what I could differently next time. But the rest of today is for relaxing and celebrating my accomplishment.

Sometimes in life you want something more than you’ve wanted anything else, And sometimes you try harder than you ever have before, And sometimes you pray real hard for something…

And you still don’t get it.

But you can either give up or try again. Success is determined by how you handle setbacks.

I’ll bounce back fast because life is short and it must go on…

Before I sign off I really want to thank everyone for their support and positive thoughts. I read every single comment and email and it always makes me feel really good to know there is someone sitting at their computer taking the time to say something nice to me 🙂

Thank you for reading.

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Comments

I’m so glad you linked, I got so busy last week I missed it! Congrats on the 3rd! How fantastic. I feel your pain though, it sucks to not achieve it, it will however, be that much sweeter when you do since it was so hard.

I saw your shirt with your URL during the race and watched you gradually run away…I was also trying to stay with the 4 hour pace group but just couldn’t do it….same thing that happened at SFM (4:06 ), however this time I cramped up badly and had to walk a lot (4:25). But I still had a great time!

But seriously, it’s crazy to be disappointed too much about 4 minutes in 4 hours! You’ll get there…just a matter of time.

Love all the food ideas on your blog! Since losing weight and running I also have taken on much more cooking experiments….the more ideas the better!

Congrats on finishing your marathon! I had the same exact feeling when I started to calculate whether I was going to break my PR of 2:21 for a half. Once I realized it wasn’t going to happen around mile 9, I was really bummed out. I was never convinced it would happen, especially since that PR was at the Pasadena half on a course that’s basically where I do all my training. I also had a running partner for that entire race which kept me going when I would have otherwise taken it slower. It also kinds of bums me out that I don’t have another race planned so there’s no real make-up situations anytime soon. Good luck on your upcoming race schedule and anyone who can run four 4 hours straight is an amazing athlete and superstar!

Excellent Job! You should be really proud of yourself since you still PR’d! I had a goal of getting under 4 hours as well yesterday and didn’t quite reach it but it’s still such an accomplishment that you can’t help but feel proud of yourself! Enjoy your week of recovery! 🙂

It’s so interesting to me how you feel defeated after running a marathon. I would be jumping up and down with excitement. I wish you could celebrate your accomplishment, not that you didn’t acheive the arbitrary time set by you……I am in awe of anybody who finisheds a marathon. You did awesome!!!! Be proud of yourself girl…

Focus not on falling short of your goals but rather celebrate the HUGE PR you scored!!!! So proud of you for that and for not giving up! Live to run another day and don’t ever let a single race define you as a runner. You know that sub-4 is in you and you’ll achieve it soon enough!

Wow that is so awesome! You PR’ed big time and ALMOST broke 4:00. Next time for sure!!

I had a similar experience with the 4:30 pace group when I did my first full on October 10. I slowly saw them getting further and further away from me and it kind of broke my heart and REALLY discouraged me.

But damn, 4:04 is an AWESOME TIME! I have a feeling next time you will break 4:00 😉 Way to go!!!

What a wonderful race post. Thank you for the details. I feel very inspired by your story. thank you for posting so much. It helps fuel me when I don’t think I have anything left in me.
Great work on 4:04. SuperWoman to me!

i know it might be hard to see the good in it right now (trust me i have been there many times) but you PRed by ELEVEN minutes and were so close to sub 4! you have to KNOW you can do it know, just gotta get that confidence behind it. you did great out there and looked awesome when i saw you at mile 23!! i am very proud of you, and you should be proud of yourself. recover well girlie, it will be yours next time for sure.

Monica, I ran a half yesterday and had the slowest time of any race yet this year, but I had a blast with one of my best friends running it. Sometimes it happens. Sometimes it doesnt. But 4:04 is NOTHING to sneeze at! You rocked it and had an amazing PR!! I definitly think this is the sort of thing where you “shoot for the moon and land among the stars!” I also know that when you set a goal its depressing when you dont make it, and sometimes you just need a giant chocochunk to make you feel a little bit better about the world 🙂

GIRL! 4 minutes off goal is NOTHING, and doing a marathon in 4:04 is an AMAZING accomplishment! I know it sucks to set a goal and not reach it, but you must be proud of all the hard work. Try to dwell on your accomplishments, NOT your defeats. You amaze me!

P.S. — when I said “A” for effort doesn’t count…I was just wallowing with you. But it counts in a major way. Every step counts. So just take that with a grain of salt…it FEELS like effort doesn’t count. But look how many comments you’re getting! You think people would respond the same way if you were a rockstar that none of us could relate to?

Missing goals SUCKS. So wallow as long as you want. You worked hard, and unfortunately “A” for effort doesn’t count.

BUT. At some point, I hope you step back and realize that you accomplished more in 4:04 than many people will accomplish in their entire lives. And you inspire me to get my booty out the door and keep trying for my own (much slower) PRs and PDRs.

Its funny, I think only people who run can understand how DEFEATING it feels to miss a goal by ‘only 4 minutes’ but the truth is 4 minutes in the running world is a LONG time, especially when you ACTUALLY cut 11 minutes off your previous PR –you ran a great race, and I think that being able to look back on it and objectively learning how you can do it better *next time* is the name of the game. Most people never run one marathon in their lifetime, so be proud of a huge accomplishment!

Congratulations on the killer PR! I did 4:04 when I was shooting for a sub 4 in my first marathon, and the next time I took 6 minutes off to run a 3:58- i just KNOW you have it in you, and you’ll do it next time!

Not sure if you noticed but you SET AN 11 MINUTE PR GIRL! Major congrats. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Marathons are just too unpredictable. On a different day, you might have gone 3:54 instead of 4:04. That’s why us marathoners are psycho and sign up for our next one as soon as we cross the finish line. 🙂

Seriously though, take a breather, figure out if you want some time off from running, and be very proud of your accomplishment! You rock!

Wow, you did amazing!! I’m sorry you were a bit off your goal pace, and I know all that really matters is what YOUR goal was but I have to admit that in my eyes you are ridiculously fast. I honestly don’t think I could run that fast even for a half marathon, and what you accomplished is truly an amazing, inspirational feat to me. Way to go!!! 🙂

I’m more a reader than a commenter but I just wanted to say, you still did freaking awesome in the marathon even if you didn’t reach your goal. So inspired by you, I’m sure you’ll break the 4 hours, but enjoy your PR!

The first thing I thought when reading this is, “Is she REALLY this hard on herself?” Not only did you shave tons of time off your previous marathon times, but you also have had a ton of stuff going on. Hellllooooo…moving, new jobs, intuitive eating, etc etc etc! None of this is easy, and most people probably would have stopped training and started living off fast food since they didn’t have time to pack healthy meals everyday.

I know what it’s like to not accomplish your goal, after my half I felt that I was super slow, blah blah yada yada. Instead of thinking “Hey, I just ran a ridiculously long race. I am amazing.” Why must we beat ourselves up?! 🙂

Anywho, just wanted to say, great job and you are very inspiring! Keep it up!

I understand your disappointment, but remember… it’s four minutes. In the scope of the fact that you ran a freakin’ marathon this morning, that’s nothing! You are awesome!!! 🙂 Don’t forget that important thing!

I can understand how you feel about not accomplishing that goal. I’d feel the same way with stressing myself out. I’ve done that with just 5k’s! I just wanted to say that a 4:04:00 marathon time is AWESOME!!

Having missed my BQ time (3:50) by 11 minutes, even if it was a PR, is upsetting so I understand exactly what you are going through. Yes, I’m proud I ran well and finished in tough conditions, blah blah blah
I’m a week out from my marathon now and still feel a little ticked by my final 4 miles–I actually did rip my pace band off during my run and threw it on the ground (!!) when I realized I wasn’t going to be able to make it. But I am proud of finishing!
My husband said the same thing–this marathon business of yours is wearing me out!
Anyway, congrats on a mighty fine PR. Seriously. That is fantastic! You will break the sub-4!

Excellent job! You are a speed demon! Whenever I did really well in a swimming event, but did not reach my goals, but coaches always told me to be “happy, but not satisfied.” That is, you SHOULD be proud of yourself and you should use that happy feeling to push yourself to do even better next time!

Congratulations! I agree with everyone else – be proud! A marathon is no small feat. Gaw, I only wish I would run a third of that distance without wanting to lie on the roadside and sink into the sidewalk.

By the way, those cinnamon raisin bread thingies you been munchin’ on look freakin’ delicious. /drool

I’m a longtime reader, but have never posted. But today, I felt compelled to today to tell you this – be proud! You just ran a freaking marathon!! Don’t let those 4min destroy an amazing accomplishment.

I was waiting to hear frm you all day! Via Twitter! Finally Evan and I had to check your marathon site, after I informed him of what marathon you ran…
Gah! He can’t recall anything!
You are amazing as always 😉
Poor ben, he deserves a medal!

Just ran the Detroit Free Press half Marathon today and missed my goal by a whopping 7 minutes 🙁 ….but I’m ok with it (including the fact that there were several bottlenecks at the first US/CDN border crossing…), but have already decided that I’m absolutely going to make my goal at my next run in 7 or so weeks – the Las Vegas Rock and Roll (half) Marathon! Can’t wait to do it better December 5!!!!

Congratulations Monica! I know you’re a wee bit disappointed, but I wish you wouldn’t be. You did an incredible job and ran a great race. A four hour marathon is seriously amazing. Please don’t forget that.

I’ve decided we need to live by each other so we can push each other in training. I have no idea how to push myself in marathons either, and you’re right, if we don’t do it during training how will we know how to do it during the race. Come to West Palm Beach on December 11 and run that marathon with me. Please. Pretty please?

I’m not a marathoner but I have so much respect for people who get out there and GO. You beat your previous two times and did awesome — that’s worth being proud of — and now you’ll push yourself even harder next time.

I know I already told you, but I am SO proud of you! I got teary eyed reading this. I know you’re slightly disappointed that you missed your goal, but regardless, you did AMAZING. I mean, look at how much time you took off from your last marathon!! You have always been one of my biggest running inspirations and continue to be today. I ♥ you. 🙂

Nice job. I honestly think the “damn, did I psyche myself out of this?” feeling is the WORST when you’re pretty damn close to meeting your goal. Its frustrating and depressing. But the best thing you can do is use it for motivation!

A PR by more than 10 minutes is an awesome thing – you’re well on your wall to sub 4 🙂

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