Day 10. An overview of the past months

In recent months I have been mainly concerned with a mind construct about cancer. I wrote down all my experiences, memories, beliefs, ideas, self-beliefs, attitudes etc. in relation to cancer and applied Self-Forgiveness to all emotions/characters and wrote out self-correction to become equal and one to the word cancer.

So I saw that I had created a taboo around the word cancer at a young age, because when the word cancer was never spoken of, people whispered the C word.

My grandfather, mother, father and brother are all deceased from cancer, even some aunts of my father’s side of the family, which caused emotional reactions within me. Especially sadness, fear, anger and suppression thereof.

I had as well negative associations with my zodiac sign Cancer and believed for a long time that my mom died of cancer due to being bullied and cursed with the word cancer by my father, I could not see at that time that we are all responsible for the emotions we experience, suppress and store in our body / system.

I also had developed a fear of cancer when I worked in a hospital where I was constantly confronted with leukemia patients. I saw within the mind construct that I had projected emotions on my family and suppressed them right away, thoughts like: what if my family will be suffering from cancer, or I can not deal with bald patients walking around with a drip.

There was a large, blind trust in medical science and doctors in general where I had to deal with, which also prevented me to look ‘outside the box’.

With great sorrow I step into the role of victim and manipulated and created this mostly myself, where I saw how I chose one person over the other when it comes to life expectancy, and believed that one person should not yet die and I could not care less when another person would die. I had also guilt towards deceased family members, asking myself if I had done enough.

Another interesting point was finding out why I missed one deceased person far more than the other, they represented an aspect which I lack within myself and so it felt like a loss.

Another realization I had when I was with a dying person, was having regret about not having in depth conversations/ intimacy which I expected to have with terminal people. The mind construct showed me that I cannot be intimate with another if I cannot be intimate with myself, and that I do not communicate/live within self-honesty

The last point that came to the surface was me manipulating myself into thinking that I get the same disease as my mother because I think I am like her.

This mind construct has been a constructive assignment where I have learned a lot about myself and I was able to forgive and correct many emotions herein.

I repeated the urine test in December 2015, which showed a decrease of 52.6 to 51.4 U, this is good news, but the result/cancer is still positive.

Today I wanted to prepare the third test but I saw that there was no sediment present in my urine, which may be caused by going to the toilet at night. One of these days I will repeat the test and send it in.

The biological dentist I have not visited, the combination consultations and air travel made it financially and physically impossible to walk this path, so I went to a dentist in the area that has filled some holes (not with amalgam) and my teeth have been cleaned. It seems that my gum problems have been resolved.