The myths the myths the myths are meaningless.
Don’t set yourself on fire, girl, just because the witches did.

The myths the myths the myths — They don’t stand on their own.
They are fingers pointing at the moon; not who we’re meant to be.

If I could tell you one thing, give you one gift,
it would be the knowledge:
this
is
it.

You get one shot.
You get one shot.
You get one shot.

Take a good look at the altar where you’ve lain your heart.
Look closely at the dagger poised for crude dissection.
And where will the blood drain?
To whose fertile fields will it fall?
And where will you be when the crops grow? And who will they feed?

If I could give you one thing,
a gift too great for me to give,
it would be this:
the nerve to live.

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Just because you are a super genius creative type doesn’t mean you have the luxury of lounging around being brilliant all the time. I mean, yeah, we all have that goal — one day, I will have a job I love where I can be my best creative self — but um, in the mean time? We still gotta eat.

You know what, though? There is no reason to sulk about your day job. Most of us have one, and we’re lucky to have them! They pay the bills, put food on the table, and give us constant opportunities to meet new people and learn things.

For example, my job has taught me …

How to listen and read carefully. In my fast-paced office, there is no time for people to spell things out over and over. You have to pay attention. I’ve learned to listen and read for details. I’m constantly making lists as people are talking to me to be sure I remember the important points.

Not to fear the phone. Does this sound silly? Maybe to you, but I used to downright dread making business phone calls. But in my job, it’s an absolute requirement. There’s no really easy way to go about it, as far as I can tell, but you just do it. Pick up the phone. Make the call. Ask your questions. Sometimes, you’ll have to call back immediately because you forgot something. No biggie. Laugh it off, be nice, and gradually, it gets easier!

To stand up for myself. I am the only female in my office (although I’m super excited because we’re hiring another woman soon), and until recently, I was also the youngest employee. I felt intimidated in that position, to say the least, but I’ve learned that if I speak up, people listen to me. Also, this is shockingly easy. All you have to do is say what you know to be true. Example: “Hey those travel plans won’t work because ____,” or “I need more information about ____.” Your coworkers want and need you to succeed in order for them to succeed as well, so don’t be afraid to ask for what you need.

You can’t please everyone, and that needn’t upset you. Yes, this is a cliche, but I’m shocked at how long it took me to learn it. Really and truly, you cannot please everyone. Everyone wants something different, and they usually want it right now. You just do what you can.

How to prioritize. You know those situations when you can’t please everyone? At that moment, it’s important to know who or what needs taking care of right this second versus those things that can wait. There’s usually someone around who is chill enough to take a back seat just temporarily so you can get your priorities out of the way. Knowing who can give me an extra day and who has a sincere urgent need has saved my butt countless times.

Working hard is nothing to be ashamed of! We have this crazy idea that really successful people are the lazy yet glamorous ones, and we spend an awful lot of time and energy wondering how to become lazy and glamorous. What’s up with that? I don’t want to be lazy. I feel sick when I’m lazy. Glamorous? Ok, well I could stand to incorporate a bit more glamor into my life. But it turns out that the people I admire the most are extraordinarily hard workers, and they don’t let working hard make them unhappy. In fact, working hard pays off!

How to actually leave work. I used to leave work and go home thinking about the office. Even if I wasn’t thinking about it, the events of the day continued to weigh on me. I felt stressed and anxious in the back of my mind just knowing I had to work the next day. If you’re having this experience, there is only one solution: cut it out! Reclaim your life, sweetcheeks, because it’s the only one you’ve got. Use your evening commute to unwind. Listen to some good music. Spend a few minutes just chilling when you get home. Start on a hobby or remodel your house or something. Just don’t be mentally at the office when you’re trying to curl up with your honey at the end of the day — what a mood killer! If you’re not on the clock, your boss has no claim on your mental energy, got it? Good!

So, what has your day job taught you? How is it making you a better person as we speak? How is it feeding your personal and creative life (aside from financially)?

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The year is almost over, and we don’t have much time left, so bring it!

What I learned in 2009:

I’m still learning what I want to be when I grow up, and it has very little to do with the actual line of work I’m performing, but it has a lot to do with the kind of person I want to be.

For example: I just really want to be a good person. I want to work hard, do a good job, be good to the people around me, and be fairly compensated for my work.

But I’m also more passionate about writing than ever before, and I’ve learned that for me, the way to sustain my writing habit is to focus on what I love about it — be weird, experiment, read a lot, make what I think of as personal inside jokes (the ones that are funny only to me) — and not to worry too much about who is reading it or whether I’m getting paid. Right now I have to trust that if I follow my passion, the right things will happen.

So, what have you learned this year?

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Here’s a random tip. Be nice to your wait staff, and not just because they handle your food and can/will ruin your day if you prompt them to do so. Be nice to your wait staff because they are people, and as human beings, they really like it when you’re nice to them. Also being a waiter is not an indicator of intelligence level, so if you are being a dick, your waiter or waitress is fully aware of that, and they are probably making fun of you in the kitchen. Finally, be nice to your wait staff because they are trying super hard to be nice to you, and really, it’s not like they show up at your job and bitch about the way you use the fax machine with the sole intention of ruining your work day, do they? So, you know, return the favor.

This message has been brought to you by someone who doesn’t have the patience to wait on your arrogant ass but truly respects anyone who can stand you.