Relationship In A Rut?

You have every reason to cherish your monthly dinner-and-a-movie date night with your husband: it’s relaxing, reliable, and so easy to find an available babysitter. But it may be time to switch up your routine.

Any relationship can become boring, even if both parties still make time for each other and have things in common. When researchers set out to assess the characteristics of relationship boredom according to everyday people, they found that relationship boredom was most commonly associated with the relationship being “no longer exciting” and with having “a lack of interest in their partner.” (Characteristics like having “nothing in common” and “too similar to each other” were low on the list, suggesting that boredom isn’t necessarily a result of incompatibility.)

“Boredom, at least a certain amount of it, is part of the natural ebb and flow of a relationship,” says Cheryl Harasymchuk, PhD, assistant professor at Carleton University in Canada, and author of the study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.

But it’s important to think about just how bored you really are. “Sometimes boredom serves as a healthy cue to switch things up,” says Harasymchuk. But there’s a darker side: You can eventually become “emotionally and physically disengaged from the relationship.”

Don’t let it get that far: “You don’t need to bungee jump or plan an exotic vacation,” says Harasymchuk. It just needs to be something you haven’t done before. “Even a book club could suit some couples’ needs,” she adds. The key, though, is incorporating new activities before you start feeling detached from your partner—and relationship. We suggest starting now.