7 Types of People at Your Oscar Party

"How could he have won? That supporting cast carried his performance!"

Armed with an A- in their "Intro to Film Studies" class and the confidence of a 1990s professional wrestler (attitude era) this person will fill out their prediction sheet like it's a final exam. They are more than likely suggested this get together so they could wow you with their knowledge of cinema. Best case scenario, they are correct in all of their guesses and spend the rest of the night explaining why they were right. Worst case scenario, they get all of their guesses wrong and spend the rest of the night explaining why they were right but in a much more annoying tone. Don't engage them in an argument unless you want to hear why a movie was, "totally derivative of Citizen Kane." In exchange for listening to their rants you'll get to consume the queso dip they made for everyone. Not the worst trade off.

"Oh they made that into a movie? I hope they captured the subtext properly."

This pleasant individual doesn't really care about movies but they love queso dip so they decided to come to the Oscar viewing party to consume that cheesy goodness while everyone else watched "that movie award show thingy." They haven't seen any of the movies nominated, but they have read all of the books giving them a false sense of who might win. After all, movies don't need eloquent language to describe a setting. That shit's the set designer's job.

"Seriously, why wasn't Hunger Games nominated for anything?"

The arch enemy of the Amateur Movie Critic, the Blockbuster will only see movies with a budget of $125 million or higher. In their opinion, there are too many awards for acting and not enough for digitally created aliens. They'll miss most of the predictions with the exception of "Best Animated Feature Film" but then again getting that right is usually as easy as finding a Disney logo. They also love the queso dip.

"It's how much to see Gravity?! I'll just wait for it to come out on Netflix."

This person spent the year making economically sound decisions and thus has seen none of the movies nominated. Armed with an iPhone full of Rotten Tomatoes reviews they'll attempt to pick Oscar winners based on movie title alone. This person will use Academy Awards as a movie guide for the following year to ensure they only spend money on films worthy of their time. When this person arrives they'll spy the spread, say, "free food?" then proceed to eat most of the queso dip.

"I think I won the pool. Did anyone else get them all right?"

You have no idea how this person did it, but they managed to correctly guess the winner of every Oscar including the Documentary Short Subject category. Tarot cards, a crystal ball, or a misused genie wish are the only logical explanations for this person's mild clairvoyance. When the Psychic inevitably wins the pool make sure to video the Amateur Movie Critic. They're about to lose their Seven Samurai loving mind and throw the queso bowl through a window.

"Pop culture is just a distraction the government creates to hide the real issues."

Sorry could you repeat that? I was staring mindlessly at a box full of beautiful people. Acting as resident buzz kill, this person has a frightening knowledge of conspiracy theories and shameful truths surrounding the entertainment industry. "Do you want to hear how the chimp in TheWolf of Wall Street was abused?" No. I want to live in a world where monkeys dress themselves in suits. The Eye Roller doesn't approve of Hollywood, but they do approve of the bomb ass queso dip that was prepared. And the more they eat, the less they talk.

"The screenplay I'm working on is going to be a combination of American Hustle, The Wolf of Wall Street, and Frozen."

So it's full of sex, drugs, and comically animated snowmen. Perfect. This person watches the Oscars so they can take notes on what to say when they inevitably win their Academy Award. They haven't really written anything per se but they've got ideas man. Lots of ideas. And that's the hardest part so...halfway there right? Once the world realizes their genius it'll be nothing but the finest wines and the best cheese based dips.

If the elements are right the Bookworm might fuse with the Blockbuster to create the Graphic Novel Enthusiast. This person will spend the night talking about how Iron Man 3 distorted several important story arcs and why it's The Wolverine's fault they screamed at that 11 year old (THE SILVER SAMURAI ISN'T A ROBOT!). This person will correctly guess the recipient of "Best Visual Effects" and nothing else. They're lactose intolerant and cannot consume queso dip.