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Do you have a vibrator? Truly, get a vibrator.

It's a rainy Thursday, so let's have some real girl talk...

During college, my best friend took me to buy my first vibrator. I was visiting her in San Francisco, so we went to the women-owned shop Good Vibrations, and she helped me choose a little one that I could carry home in my handbag. I was really excited to try it, so I went home and...

Let's just say, vibrators are fantastic. They help you have an orgasm in an easy and fun way, whether you're in a relationship or not. You can use them on your own or while having sex with a partner. In Sex & the City, Charlotte was obsessed with The Rabbit, which looks a little, well, intimidating. My recommendation? The Iconic Bullet from Jimmyjane. It's small, simple and costs $16. Done and done!

So, tell me, do you have a vibrator? Would you try one out? Would you even comment on a post about vibrators? :)

(I first wrote about vibrators for Glamour four years ago and wanted to write about them again today.)

I love that you comment on this so frankly. It's always been annoying to me that it's accepted that all men masturbate, but when girls talk about it–even with each other–it's taboo! I've been wanting to get a vibrator, but I live in an ultra-conservative town with my ultra-conservative grandparents, so I think I'll wait until I move out. . . .

And I thought bloggers were too careful about what they talk about...this after reading From the Right Bank and how some of her readers prefer her not to stray from her usual decorating posts (she posted a yay Obama post yesterday)

Haha, I'm Swedish, so this doesn't scare me off! :D I think it's great that you brought this up, and I think women should stop being ashamed of their sexuality. We all have needs, and we all need pleasure in our lives!

Of course I have a vibrator. It's amazing. The only downside is that mine is charged via usb, and who wants to have a vibrator sticking out the side of the laptop?? :D

This is not the first time I praise your writing, vision and instinc...but, it never gets old. This post is truly great! I 've never used a vibrator. You certainly got me intrigued. As for using it with my partner...hmmm...not sure how he would like it. XOXO

Great post!!!! I have two and use them all the time (this morning as a matter of fact). If you don't have one get one (or two!!!!)- for all the reasons Joanna states but also because you get to know your body in a more intimate way. What you learn will help you with your partner!!!

I was actually thinking about this topic completely randomly this morning. How ironic? I also love that your first post today was on pink cheeks (blush) and this followed. Great post!Hellobougeotte.blogspot.com

I was recently introduced to several styles of vibrators about a year ago with a new boyfriend who was really keen on playing with me with them. They were actually a lot of fun! Now he's gone, and so are they - for some reason I'm not shy to play with them, but too shy to go and buy one for myself! Guess I could always order one online ;)

So I have tried a few vibrators, but none of them were all that powerful, and it was hard to... you know, get somewhere with them. So we bought a back massager (also an idea from Sex and the City) and that works great! The best thing about using a vibrator is that if you are having sex and you husband finishes before you do, you can whip out the trusty vibrator together and get the job done.

my bff bought me a small one in college and i had it hiding in between my mattress. when i moved across country i gave away my bed and the guy i was casually seeing at the time picked it up for me. i completely forgot about the vibrator. he & his friend lifted the top mattress and the room went silent. i was in the closet packing and had no idea what was going on. they were outside already when i went back into the room and saw my little gem. embarrassed! :)

i bought my first one when i got divorced, and felt it was worth spending a little money as i wanted to be alone for a little bit before jumping into the dating world. i bought a LELO nea, and i still have it. it is pretty, rechargeable, discreet... and fun.

i once heard from a trucker that more women "have fun with themselves" in traffic than men do! i found this interesting... but it also would make me think twice before doing anything in my car... you never know when a high-sitting trucker is going to pass along by.

I've definitely taken a slew of girlfriends to get their first ones after a friend gave me my first vibrator! They are AMAZING. If you are feeling pent up and just need a quick release...it's an easy and amazing way to start the morning!

But for realz honesty time: I peed my pants the first time I used mine because I had no idea that an orgasm felt similar and I hadn't ever had one before. Hehe thank goodness I was by myself!

Hah! I am three months pregnant and having some lame complications and I have been instructed by my doctor to not have an orgasm (it causes the uterus to contract which in my specific case is a bad thing). Urgh! Its so mean to know that I am not allowed! But your post made me smile. thanks!

What a wonderful post! I wish more women were comfortable talking about this out loud! I hosted a "sex tox party" last spring for some of my friends from school. Much like a Mary Kay or Tupperware rep, a woman came to my house who presented all of her sex toy wares. She brought toys, creams, props, and books for us to look at and pass around, making it a truly hands-on experience! I'm not sure that all my friends were comfortable with the idea going in, but by the end, we were all laughing and excited to try our new loot!

My husband bought me my first vibrator, so we've always been on the safe page about trying new things together. I think it's an important conversation to have with your partner, regardless of whether the outcome is in favor of using them together or not!

I love mine! I got it from Good Vibrations too! I use it all the time - alone or with my fiance. I have dated guys that were weirded out by it or against it completely, but my fiance loves it when I use it during sex. It feels great for them too! So glad you posted about this!

Love this post--I wish more women were open about this! I have a couple and at first was reluctant to let my husband know that I had them, but after awhile, he became very open to having that "third party" around. Honestly, I use it almost every day and consider it part of my mental health therapy--better than meditation and certainly more pleasurable and takes almost no time! Girlfriends--GO GET THEE ONE!!

Would never live without one. Got one right when I left for college and have worn out my fair share ever since. Sometimes it adds spice to my hubby and i's couple play and other times it's nice to just knock it out! Love the post.

True story: I accidentally found out what a vibrator could do when I was just 6. My mom had just gotten a back massager and I was playing around with it, giving everyone massages, and held it between my legs (like a witch flying a broom - I was 6, i had noooo idea). Anyway, it's been a love affair ever since. My mom knew what I had just discovered, shamed me and disallowed me from using it, but I would sneak it. I didn't know that good feeling and an orgasm were the same thing for many, many years. Hahaha. Anyway, there's a parenting tip for ya! :P I do wonder if it's desensitized me...

PS: I don't know why, but these women who say they don't "need one" because of their man....I just think that's so funny for some reason.

Yes, although I'm tiring of my little bullet and am thinking of getting something with more (metaphorical) bells and whistles. My boyfriend loves it when I bring it out during sex though, I think he feels like he can relax more and doesn't have to worry that I might not be enjoying myself. Win win situation!

On a side note: I'm amused by the commenters who're surprised that you're posting on this subject. I've always felt your blog is a written down form of the conversations I have with my girlfriends and we talk about sex quite a bit. Especially slightly non-mainstream things like toys and anal and roleplay and stuff. I think today's 'empowered' young women (we're all in our early twenties) like exploring and playing and doing things our mothers generation were afraid of/felt weren't proper but I also like knowing I'm not the only one doing it!

Love that you posted this, and the hooray for Obama post! Way to be honest and open. I have had to stop following several bloggers whose views don't coincide with my own and make it known how ultra-conservative they are. You are one of the few blogs left I really look forward to reading, and feel like we could actually be friends in real life. :)

And yes, vibrators are awesome. I highly recommend one from Lelo, a little pricey, but looks as slick as a mac book air, not intimidating at all.

Vibrators have NOTHING to do with your marital status or the quality of your sex life. Only insecure men are threatened by them. It was a dear girl friend that gifted me my first, after having been married for three decades!!! I had no idea the importance of pleasuring myself....it had nothing to do with my partner. Unless I choose to invite him along for the ride. My one and only is the jimmy jane form 2. pricey but worth it.

I got my first vibrator in college, and it was great to have a community of women to consult with about it. We used to have "sexual summits" where we conferred on these types of things! Post-college, I still have the same vibrator, and it's great (and so cute -- a little mole!): http://www.amazon.com/Funfactory-Usa-Dinky-Digger-Vibrator/dp/B001HS91Y0

I got my first one in twelfth grade. I was in a really horrible depression and being the overly academic, type A woman that I am I was doing excessive amounts of research on depression and one thing I found in an academic article was that orgasms are (OBVIOUSLY) linked to endorphins which are linked to an uptick in your mood. I wasn't very skilled with my own hand and I didn't have a boyfriend at the time so I borrowed my mother's car and drove out to a sketchy part of town where there was a Sex Shop. I bought a 10 dollar vibrator and I've never looked back. I didn't tell men I used one until masturbation came up. I've been using it a lot recently because my husband has been traveling a lot. He isn't intimidated by it and is perfectly fine with me having it but we don't use it together. I think masturbation is an awesome topic to discuss on a blog. I'm always shocked by how many puritanical women read this site.

I had a few in college and bought all my friends their first. But my therapist, who happens to be a specialist in sex addiction/disfunction, was against it. She said that it desensitizes your love-bits. I don't miss it, but also my hands are magical- hahahaha.

My darling baby girl is at the age (14 months) where she is learning she has many different body parts. We have done the discussion with the pediatrician that we explain to her it is natural and a private thing we do. A constant teaching experience, as any toddler mom will attest to.

The other night when I was putting her to sleep, she kept pressing her vibrating teether toy between her legs. Eventually I just took it away because I wanted her to fall asleep! It definitely made me laugh at how much you don't read about in parenting books..

Love the girl talk and the honesty Joanna! Bravo!

On a side note, in gorgeous Ottawa for a business trip. Should you want a sweet winter gateway with skating on canals, beautiful buildings and a family centered city, come here. So much fun!!

I love my vibrator. And I love that you opened up this conversation! I got my first one at Good Vibrations as well - my boyfriend (now man-lover) and I bought it together. Every woman should own at least one! What is everyone's favorite one? ~ Denise (Chez Us)

I recently just had a great heart to heart with my Aunt about owning our sexual confidence and we both revealed that getting vibrators seriously changed our life for the positive. Not only are they just seriously fun, but they allow you to be in charge of your sexuality! I was in the market for a new one, and the next day she surprised me with one! We laughed and joked that we knew what to get every woman in our family for christmas.

My husband went with me when I bought my first vibrator! I agree with a previous poster. I think he's able to relax knowing that we can both get some at the same time. In fact, he's the one who always brings the vibrator out!

From Go Ask Alice (I cannot comment on the reliability of this source, but her summary echoes ideas I've heard from reputable women):"Good news for all the women who masturbate out there (and the people who love pleasing them) — the idea that frequent and regular masturbation causes desensitization or numbness of the clitoris, preventing women from orgasming during intercourse, is false. In fact, masturbation, with or without the aid of a sex toy, helps women increase their clitoral sensations, improving the quality of their orgasms. Many women masturbate regularly as a healthy part of their lives. Through masturbating, women (and men) can explore their bodies, discovering what feels good to them. Learning what feels good is an important step toward feeling pleasure more regularly. Gaining the information is a step toward teaching a partner how to please you.

Since some incorrectly believe that masturbating or using vibrators desensitizes the clitoris, many women and couples also fear adding vibrators to their sexual repertoire. While some women may experience mild discomfort after long or vigorous use of a vibrator, the effect is only temporary. This can even occur after longer, vibrator-free masturbation sessions or extended periods of oral or vaginal intercourse. Using vibrators also causes no long-term risk of clitoral desensitization. So a woman's body will respond with pleasure once again to her fingers, vibrator, partner's touch, etc."

Also, Rookiemag did a great article about masturbation that is pleasantly straightforward and unapologetic, if anyone is interested!http://rookiemag.com/2011/10/do-it-yourself/

My husband went with me when I bought my first vibrator! I agree with a previous poster. I think he's able to relax knowing that we can both get some at the same time. In fact, he's the one who always brings the vibrator out!

I used to be one of those women that couldn't have an orgasm even if my life depended on it!This: http://www.eroscillator.com/ changed everything!It literally taught my body to have orgasms....soooo happy!

There is a song by a Puertorrican singer that is call " Con mi amigo en el baño". It translates as " With my friend in the bathroom". It is about a girl who discovers this marvelous thing (a vibrator of course) in a sex store and basically writes a letter to her ex-boyfriend telling him that with two batteries she was able to get from the vibrator what she never got from HIM. Ja! funny funny song. You should looke it up.

Tacky? There is nothing tacky about women being confident in and eloquent about their sexuality! Have loved your blog for a long time Joanna, and this is exactly the sort of interesting, personal, well informed and funny post I would expect from you! xxx

You have officially become my favorite blog (well you were pretty close to #1 before....) What an honest and realistic, but taboo topic. Kudos for the courage and thank you for opening the conversation!

I've never had one, but I've always been curious! Maybe someday... At the risk of repeating most of the other comments, I love that you posted this. It obviously makes some people uncomfortable, but I think it's great for women to talk about these things.

I love my vibrator! I bought my first one at Babeland in college, and I have never looked back. My husband likes that it's around, and I could not do without my 24 hour access to quick and fun stress relief. Ladies, if you have never had one, just buy the cheapest one to try... you have nothing to loose, and it will probably change your life for the much better!

Kathleenm, sounds like you could really use a goround with that cute little bullet!

I think the most entertaining part of this post is reading the comments! I can't believe how many people asked if you had been hacked. It is so interesting that people are perfectly okay with talking about other sexual things (i.e. how many dates before going all the way, when/how to kiss, etc) but that this (even among women) is still so taboo. I'm fascinated. Thanks!

Ummmmmm yes I do, and its the best thing in the world!!!!! Haha. If any of you don't have one - GET one. I mean obviously a guy is great too - but these little do-dads can come in handy. Especially on a rainy thursday !!! Love the fireworks pic ;p

Oh, heck yes. I was a happy happy single woman with one (or two) and am a happy happy married woman with them. Bravo for such a great public personal statement (on this and on Obama's win...Whew!). High five!

I love how sometimes you just come out with these random posts like this! Love it! I actually didn't own a vibrator until earlier this year (and I'm 24). My boyfriend actually bought it for me. I went through a hard time where I just was never in the mood for sex so he thought if he bought me something that I could use alone that it may boost my libido. It actually worked!! What a sweet guy ;)

I've been a big fan of vibrators since my twenties and have a variety of different kinds, big and small. After becoming a mom in my mimd thirties, I've enjoyed them even more. As I write about at Love, Sex, and Family: After 64 hours of labor, I experienced pain during intercourse for approximately a year. I would still lust and long for sex, especially after nursing ("some even reach orgasm during breast-feeding. This is a perfectly expected physiological response: Oxytocin, the hormone that triggers the letdown of milk when a baby suckles, is the same hormone that triggers orgasm"). However, by the time my husband had returned home and our baby was asleep, my desire for anything except sleep was sapped.

An occasional quickie by myself with the vibrator while my baby napped became one way for me to feel sexual and not just like a human pillow, my breasts "transformed from erotic icons to infant smorgasbord," as they put it at Babytalk.

And once intercourse stopped hurting, I would still get out my vibrator if my husband hadn't already for me and we. I know just how it feels best to me when I use one, but I love it when he takes control of it too, stimulating me. In order to come, I prefer to take charge myself though because to me orgasms are all about surrender and, perhaps ironically, I prefer to be in control of that surrender myself. I say that without implying that orgasms are the ultimate "fulfillment" of intercourse (as sex educator Charlie Glickman recently posted, emphasizing orgasms as vital "for every single person on the planet" ignores the asexuality of some people who "genuinely feel no sexual attraction to other people," or who "experience sexual arousal through masturbation, either with or without orgasm." -- and incidentally, Marilyn Monroe had the inability to orgasm until she learned how to masturbate at the age of 36, encouraged by her psychoanalyst).

I appreciate sex--be it a quickie or not--without obsessing about achieving that big O. But I do welcome the latter. And in my experience, a vibrator can increase the intensity of a quickie too and the lasting feel-good effects afterwards.

From my post at http://www.lovesexfamily.com/2011/06/quickies-and-vibrators-make-for-happy.html

I love this. I was actually thinking about this yesterday... I'm a new, nursing mother, and I was "taking care of business" and I had a letdown in the middle! Nothing kills your mojo like leaking breasts! Love this post- love the honesty in the comments!

This is so funny! I have to share this story: I got a kinky Holiday themed gift set for one of my girlfriends for her bachlorette party, and it included a vibrator. When she opened it, she was shocked that I would get this for her, and said at my bachlorette party I would be getting it back. When my party rolled around and the set didn't show up, I called her out on it. She giggled, turned bright red and said the vibrator was the best part. I've wanted one ever since;).

Vibrators are great! And they can be used while alone or with your partner (people always seem to forget about that). I like the Smitten Kitten... its an amazing store in Minneapolis that now also has a huge online store.

fully support! and if we are giving out recommendations here...the WeVibe is fabulous!! it plugs into the wall to charge, so no batteries necessary. and the BEST part...it comes with a remote control!! ;)

I am so impressed you took on this topic! I love how the topic has gone mainstream (I think it’s a Fifty Shades thing?) and that women are more comfortable having these discussions in more public forums (like this!). I also love this new high end, high design thing that’s happening in the industry and have to recommend Ola by Minna Life. Sleek design and no buttons or knobs…squeeze/touch controlled. Also rechargeable and waterproof.

Wow, I was shocked when this came up on my blog feed, well done for broaching this subject. I do not have a vibrator. I don't really know how my husband would react if I told him I wanted one. Maybe offended? I don't know. I'll have a think about it...GREAT POST....got all us girls thinking and chatting!

Definitely glad you posted about this! Two days ago I was standing in front of a very intimidating wall of vibrators trying to decide whether or not to buy one (I was feeling spontaneous, haha). In the end I got too embarrassed and left the store in a hurry. I had a vibrator when I was younger, but I moved back in with my parents (who are both extremely devout Mormons). One day while talking to my mom in my room, she was messing around with things and happened to find my secret hiding place... while I was standing right in front of her... Needless to say, after watching my mom hold my vibrator in her hand with a look of horror on her face I think I've been scarred for a few years, but this post has definitely given me that last little push I need to go out and get another one!

I bought my first vibrator in university, too! I actually went with a small group of friends haha. The person in the group who had the most opinions about what kind I bought was a gay, male friend. It was hilarious!

I've managed to convince a few friends to buy one over the last few years. I just moved to China and threw mine out before moving. I wasn't sure if it could get through security and customs!

The rabbit is actually really awesome. I also bought my first while in college and remembered Charlotte raving about it and since it was water proof decided that was the one for me. Definitely a good decision!

I've bought a few in my life [mona 2, rabbit 2x] but they always break within a year. Any suggestions for something long lasting? And cheers to you Joanna. You crack me up. This article coming from the girl who pees with the water running so her husband can't hear her. hahahaha.

So funny how a lot of people find this post controversial. I'm glad you're not afraid to talk about such things, Joanna. That's what makes your blog real. I'm still trying to be as 'brave' (not really the right word, since I think this should be a matter we should all be able to discuss) as you. x

I feel I should have elaborated. I have used one with a partner and he did find it a little strange at first (he said it made him a little numb when it pressed too much on him), but he LOVED how excited it got me - that really made it work for him - so don't dismiss it too quickly - he might be all for it after seeing how happy it makes you :)

Heck yes! On a business trip to Tacoma, the hotel of course offered a hospitality basket of snacks and items for purchase, and it included a small box with the title TEASE on it. Upon further inspection I learned it's a "personal intimacy kit" and included a small "personal massager," lube, and two condoms! So progressive!

Why is it OK for everyone to post a comment that cheers Joanna on and it isn't OK for someone to have a problem with it?? I'll bet all you women that are making these jabs at kathleenm are the same ones that preach "tolerance" all the time. Let the woman have her opinion. I for one have no interest in a vibrator and was surprised to see the post. I don't think it is the least bit tacky, but I was surprised. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, remember? This is still America, right?

Yes! Love mine....well, I sort of have an arsenal. And my husband is fine with it. He has fun when I have fun. And let me make my own recommendation- The Big O- a vibrating ring that your fella wears during sex, with a vibrator aim right at your sweet spot. You don't have to hold anything, and bonus, the pressure of the ring is nice for him too. Get one ladies!!! They are super cheap, come in disposable and reusable versions. I have gifted most of my coupled lady friends with one of these, and they all seem to enjoy it. You can even order it online. You can thank me later ;)

It's OK to cheer Joanna on because this is her blog. While it's fine for kathleenm to have a problem with this post, it's not okay for her to post her comment because it was unkind and it perpetuates the notion that women and sex don't mix, an idea that has led women to feel pain and shame. I will tolerate people's opinions until they use those opinions to hurt others. After that, all bets are off.

MrsJones, try Amazon. You can find one that you like and have it sent discreetly to your home.

Also, I was in Spencer gifts (the store I didn't even know still existed since high school) just before Halloween, and they have a huge play section. There is no way you could run into anyone you know in that store (unless you teach high school), and it is not as creepy as the shop where I bought my first toy.

If you live in NYC - go to Babeland - there are 3 locations in and they are amazing. They will make you feel super comfortable, confident and get you exactly what you never knew you needed. Happy shopping!

It's also OK to post any problem she has with this post because it's a public blog. If it was private and didn't specifically ask for comments, then I would say this woman is out of line. But it isn't and it did. So, all people should voice their comments. And my goodness, almost everyone is so excited for this post that to pick on someone that doesn't is bullying.

"unkind" - your opinion."perpetuates a notion that women and sex don't mix" - wow, you got all that from "tacky"? Good for you!"use those opinions to hurt others" - did Joanna say she was hurt? Or do all bets need to be off because you want them to be off and use that as an excuse to be rude.

I for one think that anyone and everyone has a right to their own opinion. Everyone. I grew up being taught that we have that right. And you know what, y'all are being quite the bullies to gang up on someone that has an opinion different from your own.

Hooray for vibrators! I <3 my vibrator and I <3 Good Vibes. Good Vibes also has an antique vibrator museum and they have antique vibes in all of their locations. It's amazing. I've been known to buy my girlfriends vibrators and take them to buy their own first vibrators. I'm very pro-sex toys.

Awesome post! I got my first one when I was in high school...have owned literally dozens by now. My current one is amazing, my partner bought it for me and she thinks its made our sex life amazing, haha.

HiI was given one as a gift just this past year.Before that I had only bad experiences of an ex boyfriend who got one and then insisted I use it only on him.:( after that I didnt want my own, and have been reluctant to use the one I have.I masturbate frequently but not with the vibrator.But positive vibrator experiences should be encouraged for all^^Cheers for the topic.

I've been using a vibrator for years. My friends all thought I was crazy when I said they should bring out a rechargeable one to save having to replace the batteries all the time... and now brands like Lelo have loads of rechargeable vibes - they even have ones you can charge using your computer's USB port! I must say that vibe usage amongst my friends isn't particularly common though.

I got the iconic based on your blog post and it was a bust. Not blaming you, but I have to tell everyone else here (however old this post is) that it really was not worth it. I read reviews of it later on that confirmed it broke on them quickly too. It is, of course, an unreturnable product. It was one three times and ka-boom, it was busted.

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Nice, for a change, to see such a gentle nudge. Many of the sex toy reviews and articles are a bit bombastic, leaving the vibrator virgins intimidated. I'd like to mention a funny list - in a similar style - of the 10 worst excuses for not owning a vibrator:http://dinahproject.com/worst-excuses-for-not-owning-vibrator/

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I love my vibrators and it's good to see other ladies that aren't even in the adult business so open to talking about it. I personally enjoy my hitachi/magic wand especially if I am wanting to build up my orgasm. I also have a gspot!! vibe that I have squirted with as well. It is very good to experiment with new toys. I highly recommend the gspot vibe.

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