Observers express anxiety and elation

RETURN TO FLIGHT | A SENTINEL SPECIAL SECTION

3 Columbia spouses reflect as Discovery takes flight

Lani McCool stood on the second-floor balcony of the massive Apollo/Saturn V Center, barely aware of the conversation around her or the occasional touch of a comforting hand.

As shuttle Discovery roared from the launchpad three miles away, the majesty of the sight and the power of her emotions crowded out her other senses.

FOR THE RECORD - ********** CORRECTION OR CLARIFICATION PUBLISHED JULY 29 , 2005 **********Because of incomplete information supplied to the Sentinel, the caption with a photograph on the front page and the continuation of an article on Page A15 May 22, as well as the continuation of an article on Page A6 Wednesday, about the space shuttle Discovery described incorrectly a memento from the space shuttle Columbia. The memento, placed aboard Discovery, was a collage of photographs of Columbia astronaut Willie McCool, including a photo of his charred name tag.*************************************************************

"I was speechless. It was magnificent. I was elated. But at the same time, something was pulling at my heart."

McCool is the widow of Willie McCool, pilot of shuttle Columbia, which disintegrated during re-entry 21/2 years ago, killing all on board. She was invited, along with other close relatives of Columbia's seven-member crew, to attend Discovery's launch as NASA's guests.

Some of them accepted. The small group that stood on the balcony, watching a launch that was just as flawless as Columbia's had seemed, included McCool; Sandy Anderson, wife of Columbia astronaut Michael Anderson; and J.P. Harrison, husband of Columbia astronaut Kalpana Chawla -- "K.C." to her crewmates and friends.

They were joined by Lorna Onizuka, widow of mission specialist Ellison Onizuka, who died in the 1986 explosion of shuttle Challenger.

They watched with a perspective all their own. The rest of the VIP crowd of dignitaries, NASA employees and family members of the Discovery crew crowded into the bleachers to the right and below them.

Just before the launch, a green swatch of material appeared: Harrison had draped one of K.C.'s Columbia crew shirts over the railing. McCool's memento of her spouse was less visible: In her back pocket, she carried the charred name tag from his flight suit -- the only one recovered from Columbia's wreckage.

When NASA gave Columbia family members the opportunity to have mementos flown aboard Discovery, McCool made a photo collage that included a picture of the name tag. She also sent up a ring inscribed with a single word -- "hope" -- that Willie once gave her.

True to that sentiment, McCool was upbeat about Tuesday's launch.

"My only other choice was to stay home and mourn at Willie's grave," she said. "I'm not going to do that. Willie wouldn't want me to do that."

She likened returning to Kennedy Space Center, and seeing the launch, to revisiting a place where there has been a terrible forest fire -- "and finding a beautiful green shoot rising out of the ashes."

Other Columbia family members declined to be interviewed. They included Sandy Anderson and Rona Ramon, widow of Israeli astronaut Ilan Ramon, who watched the launch on TV from her home near Tel Aviv. Evelyn Husband, widow of Columbia commander Rick Husband, did not attend the launch. Neither did Jon Clark, widower of Columbia astronaut Laurel Clark. He was in Washington, D.C., where she is buried. Clark, who is writing a biography of Laurel, told The Associated Press on Tuesday that he plans to retire from his position as a flight surgeon with NASA by the end of the summer.

Willie McCool's father, Barry McCool, a professor at the University of Nevada-Las Vegas, said he and his wife agreed not to risk a trip to Kennedy Space Center to watch the launch. "If something had happened, another catastrophe, that just would have devastated us. We just could not take that chance."

Laurel Clark's brother, Jon Salton, an engineer at Sandia National Laboratories in Albuquerque, N.M., said he was surprised at how hard it was for him to watch on television.

"It troubles me a little bit that the commentators are so enthusiastic, as if it's a fireworks show and they can't wait for us to shoot off another one. I hope people see this launch with a sense of reverence for space exploration, and the sacrifices some people have made for it."

Doug Brown, brother of Columbia astronaut Dave Brown, watched from his office in Washington, D.C., where he is a finance officer with a printing company.

"I wanted to be there, but I decided it would be better to come to the landing," he said. "This thing isn't over yet. Everybody was naive before. I was naive before. This thing isn't over till it's on the runway and it stops."