Obi-Todd asked me if I was doing ok...always a good question for us each to ask of the other guy. He mentioned he thought the last few posts here were kind of down looking.

Fact is I have been doing too much thinking over the last month and Survivor Brain was ruling.

You see nothing was really wrong. I'm doing good. It has been getting better. Family is well, kids have jobs, wife is happy, the dogs are smiling. My core group here is all healing.

So WTF?

Then unrelated stuff happened. Work got stressful, I fell out with a very close personal/work friend, I smashed up my car while completely disassociating, I started to worry and obsess about people here, and I found myself anxious, blue, edgy and at times even scared again. The weird thing is I then triggered myself bad over something not related to me but to my wife. I realize now my triggers are more about trauma my family has known than me.

The T assured me all was good. The guys I lean hard on here tried to help. Castle did his "YO" version of therapy, Gabe gave me so many virtual hugs my shoulder is bruised. RM, Chris, and Nick kept checking in, and Alex let me rant on but kept stepping back to center square with me each time. Alex also caught the bottom of the cycle and literally was going to drive down to either knock sense into me, or kick my behind; both would have been within reason at that moment.

Man it gets better when you hit bottom of a slide. It clears your head and heart. It makes you appreciate all you do have in life. It makes you see how far you have come, but what more you need to do. It makes you love your wife kids and dogs more than ever.

It gets better when you realize how much you love the men at MS who walk with you. You can call them peer supporters or coaches. Friend or brother is a fine word too. In a case or 2 I admit I proudly think of them like I do my son.

I feel real good right now. I can see what we have done together guys. I can see how much this means to us all. I can see what the next phase of recovery looks like. There is a plan for it even.

There is a deal I made on this recovery and it is the best deal I ever made. Part of the deal is that it does get better.

Keith

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my son's senior year HS Yearbook.

Wow, Keith, well put! There are days for me that I forget sometimes that I'm a survivor of CSA and other days, like today...that I feel like crying. I don't trust anybody, I'm depressed just an overall feeling of low self worth...I mean who the hell am I anyway..... I'm Confused, you know what I mean? But I read your post and suddenly I feel a little better, a bright light of sorts to concentrate on...I don't want to hurt the ones I love, I'm more afraid of that now then anything....Any input would be appreciated

It was a good week...it did get better. There was no reason for it. Truth is that it just does get better.

A new guy mentioned his wife noted so many postings here can be negative. Hey if venting here on the forums helps then that is great.

But yeah if we fall prey to our own pain we run the risk of getting stuck in recovery.

Ask yourself if you feel stuck now? Ask yourself what steps could you take to move it up even one step.

How about setting a small recovery goal for yourself so you can see the progress?

Do something for yourself, do something for a friend, just do something to break up any routine that makes you feel you are seeing light in the tunnel.

This stuff all just sucks, but the truth is all around us there are men who are making progress.

There is no value to staying locked in a place of sorrow, pain, and remorse for our past. I have yet to meet a man who who caused there abuse or is responsible for the side effects that resulted.But I have met many who have overcome so much and are letting it get better.

Be well.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my son's senior year HS Yearbook.

It was a good week...it did get better. There was no reason for it. Truth is that it just does get better.

A new guy mentioned his wife noted so many postings here can be negative. Hey if venting here on the forums helps then that is great.

But yeah if we fall prey to our own pain we run the risk of getting stuck in recovery.

Ask yourself if you feel stuck now? Ask yourself what steps could you take to move it up even one step.

How about setting a small recovery goal for yourself so you can see the progress?

Do something for yourself, do something for a friend, just do something to break up any routine that makes you feel you are seeing light in the tunnel.

This stuff all just sucks, but the truth is all around us there are men who are making progress.

There is no value to staying locked in a place of sorrow, pain, and remorse for our past. I have yet to meet a man who who caused there abuse or is responsible for the side effects that resulted.But I have met many who have overcome so much and are letting it get better.

Be well.

Edited by kb8715 (07/22/1105:01 PM)

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my son's senior year HS Yearbook.

Man I spent yesterday riding a bunch of coasters with my kids and a few others yesterday. I mean 75mph sudden drop upside down insane stuff. I don't know about you, but I need to be really loud to do that and it was so good and so much fun.

You need to try this as a recovery tool. It just wipes your brain clean...literally. It was such great family time too.

Want to know how it gets better? Go have some fun!

I am telling you.....Go have some fun and see how much better you feel.

Keith

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my son's senior year HS Yearbook.

I have just read, or purused it, thank you Keith, for sharing this insight into your life, family, recovery, and supporting interchanges with fellow survivors here in MS.

I trust you are well after your accident, and your children continue to learn from their father as to who they can be as they mature. Your recovery perspective is resolution based, seeing the levels and resolving them as they are realized. This is beneficial, and you sound so strong in this process, well done.

The fun comment, well, I am not a roller coaster man, but I do see the benefit if one can ride those without sharing their lunch. I use "Ace Ventura, Pet Detective", about every two months, and although I do not care for most of his comedy, I find safety and contentment in knowing his eccentric and strange character will succeed against government officials, big business and large, hairy men. It gives me the right amount of dissociation and refreshment.

Thanks again for the post, Keith, I encourage you to keep this going, this is cathartic.

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