Nancy Kwan’s reference to Noble House, a 1988 TV mini-drama, should give you an idea of when this infomercial aired. Although I never caught it, I’m sure it would’ve made me laugh then like it makes me laugh now, which is not too hard but kind of hard. Enjoy:

… all signs of lines and wrinkles.

Hello, I’m Nancy Kwan, and you may recognize me from movies and TV like Flower Drum Song, The World of Suzie Wong, and, more recently, Noble House.

Have you ever wondered why it’s so hard to tell how old most oriental women are? Since ancient times we’ve had a beauty secret just recently introduced to the Western world. Our secret is called Pearl Cream, and it’s made from real pearls.

“Pearl Cream actually made my skin glow like a pearl.”

“I feel I look years younger. I can hardly see my wrinkles anymore!”

Genuine precious pearls are pulverized into a lustrous powder. Special oriental ingredients are then added to make this incredible skin treatment.

“I’ve only been using Pearl Cream for a few weeks, and my grandchildren think I’ve had a face-lift!”

For centuries Pearl Cream was available only to the very rich, but in recent years the lowered costs of gathering pearl oysters has made it affordable to everyone.

A thirty-day supply of oriental Pearl Cream is only 19.95.

Try it for ten days. If you don’t look and feel years younger, if your friends don’t actually accuseyou of having had a face-lift, simply return the unused portion for a full refund.