FC came home saying that one of her classmates had brought her mother's copy of 50 Shade of Grey into school and the kids were all squicking each other out reading passages to each other. In her typical 13-year-old 100-miles-per-hour speaking voice she machine guns me "Except cunnilungus. Julia kept reading the part about cunnilingus. Nobody knows what the hell it means. What the heck? Cunnilingus. It sounds so funny. When the teacher confiscated the book Julia called her a cunnilingus...."I told her i'd be happy to talk to her about anything but i'll be monkey's uncle if i'm going to explain the mechanics of cunnilingus. I gave her my 50-pound dictionary and watched with glee as she turned sort of green. Apparently it wasn't just Julia whose new favorite word made her look like a ding dong.I wonder what the teacher was thinking as she was called "a cunnilingus". Most likely, if she's anything like me, that she doesn't get paid enough for this shiitake.....

FC came home saying that one of her classmates had brought her mother's copy of 50 Shade of Grey into school and the kids were all squicking each other out reading passages to each other. In her typical 13-year-old 100-miles-per-hour speaking voice she machine guns me "Except cunnilungus. Julia kept reading the part about cunnilingus. Nobody knows what the hell it means. What the heck? Cunnilingus. It sounds so funny. When the teacher confiscated the book Julia called her a cunnilingus...."I told her i'd be happy to talk to her about anything but i'll be monkey's uncle if i'm going to explain the mechanics of cunnilingus. I gave her my 50-pound dictionary and watched with glee as she turned sort of green. Apparently it wasn't just Julia whose new favorite word made her look like a ding dong.I wonder what the teacher was thinking as she was called "a cunnilingus". Most likely, if she's anything like me, that she doesn't get paid enough for this shiitake.....

I kind of want to go around calling people cunnilinguses now.

_________________Man, fork the gender card, imma come at you with the whole damned gender deck. - Olives Did you ever think that, like, YOU are a sexy costume FOR a diva cup? - solipsistnationblog!FB!

E: Mom, you pooped me out. You pooped me out, and you pooped M out.Me: No, I certainly didn't.E: Yeah, you did. You said we were in your tummy. After things go in your tummy, you poop them out. You pooped us out.

Then we got sidetracked into a discussion of bodily organs that ended in him shouting at the top of his lungs: Daddy has a REALLY BIG PENIS!

a 5th grader said to me today "i thought psychologists could just look at you and know how old you are" after i confirmed his age with him by looking at his birthdatei was like "well, i'm a dietitian and i used math to figure out how old you are"

i wonder if he meant psychics or just thinks psychologists are magical?

_________________I am not a troll. I am TELLING YOU THE ******GOD'S TRUTH****** AND YOU JUST DON'T WANT THE HEAR IT DO YOU?

DS is a few months shy of 3. Yesterday evening we were looking at pictures of baby animals, and I showed him an elephant with her mommma and told him that she was nursing because elephants are mammals and make milk for their babies just like us. Later that night I was giving him his bedtime snuggles and we had this conversation-Him- Momma, when I was a baby I had nursies.Me- Yup, that's how you would eat.Him- And when I had nursies I would feel all better?Me- You were happy because your belly was all full of milk I made for you.Him (In incredulous voice)- You made almond milk???

FC came home saying that one of her classmates had brought her mother's copy of 50 Shade of Grey into school and the kids were all squicking each other out reading passages to each other. In her typical 13-year-old 100-miles-per-hour speaking voice she machine guns me "Except cunnilungus. Julia kept reading the part about cunnilingus. Nobody knows what the hell it means. What the heck? Cunnilingus. It sounds so funny. When the teacher confiscated the book Julia called her a cunnilingus...."I told her i'd be happy to talk to her about anything but i'll be monkey's uncle if i'm going to explain the mechanics of cunnilingus. I gave her my 50-pound dictionary and watched with glee as she turned sort of green. Apparently it wasn't just Julia whose new favorite word made her look like a ding dong.I wonder what the teacher was thinking as she was called "a cunnilingus". Most likely, if she's anything like me, that she doesn't get paid enough for this shiitake.....

I remember when my little brother and his friends were calling each other "douche" and "douchebag" as insults. I explained what the words meant and said they didn't make sense in that comntext, hoping they would have a similar reaction to FC and stop. They didn't stop.

_________________An unprocessed chicken is walking around and clucking to itself. And yes, I think they're healthier that way too. - Tofulish

Ezra told us that if he has a younger brother, he's going to name him Elvis Dumbledore.

If you did ever plan to have another child, I think you should definitely go with that.

(edited for grammar)

Love it!

_________________I would eat Dr. Cow pocket cheese in a second. I would eat it if you hid it under your hat, or in your backpack, but not if it was in your shoe. That's where I draw the line. -allularpunk