Ranking New Year’s resolutions in the order we’ll break them

Monday

We’re a few days into 2019, which means you’re still full of hope for a successful New Year. Let’s remedy that with this list of resolutions ranked from least to most plausible.

Leave Facebook

We’re not going anywhere, and you’re not going anywhere. Let's be real.

Lose weight

McDonald’s is adding cheesy bacon fries. Wendy’s has a promotion that offers a free Frosty every day. Taco Bell has Grande Burritos for $1. Your co-workers are bringing baked goods to the break room. Gym rats are complaining about the influx of people joining in January, which I always thought was super discouraging (let people try). In other words, there are a lot of traps out there. Good luck.

Stop cursing

I decided I hated myself enough to watch the video of Grover allegedly dropping the F-bomb on “Sesame Street.” Either he actually said it, or enough people thought they heard it to make it a thing. Whatever the case, it doesn’t appear we’ll lose our obsession with cursing in 2019.

Learn a new hobby

More than 45 million accounts watched “Bird Box” in one week on Netflix.

Drink less alcohol

According to the Brewers Association, there were more than 6,300 breweries in the United States in 2017. And that number's only going up.

Travel more

This isn’t too hard, depending on your circumstances. For instance, if you live in Columbus, Ohio, you could take a day to go to Detroit to visit the Motown Museum. I’ve only been telling myself this since 2016 when I moved to Columbus. But this might be my year...

Stop smoking

According to the CDC, smoking among U.S. adults has decreased from 20.9 percent in 2005 to 15.5 percent in 2016. That’s some progress, which bodes well for our willpower.

Read more

According to publishers, book sales went up in 2018, and are projected to remain on the upswing in the future. This was largely due to the barrage of Trump books. But, at the end of the year, Michelle Obama’s “Becoming” was the largest seller. Take from that what you will, and keep reading.

Spend more time with family

One thing I’d like to start is “FaceTime-Fridays” with my family to keep in touch (alliteration helps me).

Live your best life

According to Instagram, this is pretty easy to do. A haircut, a nap, a new pair of shoes, a drink at happy hour ... just make sure you take a selfie.