Queering the Hermit: Being present

Interestingly in most Tarot depictions of the Hermit tarot card, they are never hiding away in a cave. Rather, they are out wandering, seeking their own truth and magick.

I’ve big plans; travel, exhibitions, work, creative projects, so to cope I have been introverting like a mo-fo. Working really hard is easy for me, managing myself so I don’t burn out is not. I wish it was, but unless I eat well, get at least 8 hours of sleep every night I turn into an emotional wreck, and a bundle of germs. This moment, feels like I am the artist who hides away for days then emerges to paint a masterpiece. My favourite Instagram brand is “Stay at Home Club” and the way their humour makes it okay to choose to not go to the party. Giving myself this quiet time allows my body to re-charge, and all the confused pieces of my mind to fall into place. My mind is alive, overactive, and calming it down allows me to see things I wasn’t able to see before.

Removing ourselves from the barrage of external chatter – we are able to finally hear the small voice from within that leads us to higher ground.

Recently a friend asked me, “Florence how long did it take you to ‘know / find yourself?” The first thing that popped into my head was my inner critic saying “What – no, you don’t, you’re still learning!” but what came out of my mouth surprised me. I was home schooled, for the most part of my childhood and teenage years I was surrounded only by my parents and my two younger siblings. I had no school bullies, no keeping up with the cool kids, and no TV in my life.

Basically it was a very sheltered life where I only knew me as I was, and what I thought I should be, leaving aside parental expectations from a strong religious perspective of course. I loved my own company. My imagination was my best friend, I lived in a fairy world in my head, made love to ghosts and could speak to animals. I miss being able to escape into another world, away from the noise in my brain. Spending time alone, clearing and settling, taking back control of my the junky thoughts in my brain feels like I’m getting closer to that young imaginative child again.

The Hermit- Slow Holler Queer Tarot Deck

Remember, the person in the Hermit Tarot Card is holding their own lantern: they are lighting their own path.

I have been reconnecting with my free-spiritedness, my independence, as a single person finding my feet and confidence again. Rediscovering my natural self-reliance and pulling away the layers of fear from my ability to access the deepest magick and my highest spiritual self within me. Relying on myself, and not being willing to rely on others is something that comes very naturally to me, from a fear of being let down or abandoned, so rewriting this pattern in my head as a more relaxed attitude has been wonderfully challenging. Accepting that I can’t go through this world not trusting in anyone, and letting go of disappointment if something doesn’t happen the way I planned. Releasing the rigidity and fear in me, stopping grasping onto my expectations and letting myself be carried along with whatever happens. Planning ahead and being proactive when it matters but allowing space for changes in plans and outcomes without having an adverse emotional reaction.

While I don’t have any signs in virgo in my astrology chart, I feel the virgo energy as we move through the earth and planetary cycles. Much like my feelings about my strong Capricorn energy, the Virgo is grounded and stable. My growth through change is taking its sweet time, much like my Hermit tarot card friend. The Hermit isn’t about fast, practical, or quick small changes; it has all been big shifts, lots of learning and challenging emotional growth. I am making solid change in my energy; it feels completely earthy. The Hermit tarot card relates to Virgo, one of the four mutable zodiac signs (Gemini, Sagittarius and Pisces), and embracing my Hermit journey has thrown lots of change, need for flexibility, and lessons about adaptability at me.

https://stayhomeclub.com/

My head has been battling through what a relationship means to me, what I want out of one, what my expectations are if I were to be in one. How I change or my demeanour changes when partnered. It’s been really challenging to spend time alone with my brain and unpack where my desires for a certain type of relationship have come from. What fear drives those desires, and work through how I want to rewire my brain, and rewrite those patterns. Essentially I have not changed, I still represent the sustained personal identity I have kept throughout my entire life, I have just unpacked, and removed a layer of fear and bullshit.

Prioritising space for my mind to turn inward and allowing myself the time and space to think, feel, to hurt, and meditate on what it is that I truly want in and from my life isn’t easy. Feeling lost is crappy, but the more I unpack that lost feeling I can see what drives it. Fear of abandonment, feelings of insecurity and imposter syndrome. All feelings I am familiar with but didn’t realise drifted over into my desire to love and be loved. Checking in on these feels validates them, but slowly takes the power out of them for me. When I feel abandoned, I put into perspective how much love and support I have around me. Am I really abandoned or have I pushed people around me away because I feel scared?? Am I really insecure or have I listened to my inner critic for too long and am self doubting things I know I can do, and the confidence I know I have? When I feel like I don’t belong or an imposter in my own life, where is that negative chatter coming from, why am I comparing myself to an imaginary reality?!

Sometimes this ripples over into my relationship with my family. My Queerness makes me feel like I don’t belong. My inability to ever meet or live up to their religious and social expectations of me as a daughter creates a feeling of “Other-ness” in me. This feeling is both terrifying and powerful. And while it is not something that is exclusive to queer experience, it is all too common in our community who don’t have close or accepting families in their lives. It is terrifying to come face to face with a solo journey, but it is also powerful as it it forces me to throw off anything that is holding me back, seek out my own truth and my inner magick.

If you feel drawn to The Hermit, or if it comes up in your reading, ask yourself:

What negative self talk am I holding onto?

How is that is affecting my current state of mental health?

Do I have fears about my present and future?

What is holding me back from fully in and enjoying the present moment?

How do I let it go?

What positive change can I make to create a shift?

Is that fear irrational?

What can I do today to stop, enjoy and be present in my own Power?

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Flossy, the photographer behind the vision of the Queer Tarot Cards, is a geeky queer witch hailing from New Zealand, now living in Melbourne. A creative writer and self-employed web developer, she runs site called Create Magick. Her work brings self-love and positive queer politic together, telling personal stories about manifesting magick, freedom and creativity.