Talk with your kids about these issues

Talking with your child about drugs, alcohol and tobacco is tough. But
you can't afford to ignore these topics. Children learn about these
substances and feel pressure to use them at a very young age.

If you have children, it's hard not to worry. But don't panic—and don't
ignore the subject. Instead, if your child is older than 5 or anytime
your child starts asking, start talking with him or her about drugs,
alcohol, and tobacco. Here are some guidelines on how to start talking
and how to help your kids be substance-free.

Start early

Experts in the area of adolescent drug treatment suggest that you start
talking about drinking, smoking, and using drugs when your child is
between ages 5 and 7, and that you keep the dialogue going.

When possible, raise the subject of substance use in context. For
example, if family members drink wine with dinner, talk about why they
do and what it means to drink responsibly. Or, if your younger child is
watching TV and a beer commercial comes on, discuss the fact that
although the people in the commercial appear to be having a good time,
drinking too much alcohol can cause you to act silly, irresponsibly, and
violently. It can also cause you to hurt yourself or others. Talking
with your child at a young age is especially important if family members
have alcohol or drug problems, because children with a family history of
substance abuse are more likely to become substance abusers.

As your child gets older, continue to talk regularly about drugs,
alcohol, and tobacco, but in a more adult manner. Make your views on the
subject clear and repeat them often. If you don't approve of smoking or
drinking, be sure your child knows this. Your child needs to understand
that under no circumstances is drug use acceptable and that there are no
safe street drugs.

Know the facts

To educate your child, become informed. Learn about the four drugs that
children usually try first: alcohol, marijuana, nicotine (cigarettes,
chewing tobacco), and inhalants (glue, paint, hair spray, correction
fluid). The more you know about drugs, alcohol and tobacco, the clearer
you will be when you tell your child why he or she should not drink
alcohol or use tobacco or drugs.

You'll be more convincing if you can state the following facts:

Getting drunk affects judgment. It can
make people take dangerous risks that they would not
take if they were sober. For younger children, warnings
may include riding in cars with a drunk driver
(including, unfortunately, parents) or being around
violent drunks. For preteens and teenagers, warnings
about loss of judgment might include riding with a drunk
driver or driving while drunk; engaging in sex against
their will or before they are ready; or engaging in
unprotected sex at any time, which could cause infection
with a sexually transmitted disease, including HIV. Loss
of inhibition may introduce them to drugs or the
dangerous practice of sharing needles. And finally, teen
girls may get assaulted while they are drunk, their
boyfriends are drunk, or both are drunk.

Marijuana causes short-term memory loss.
Continued use during the school years impairs scholastic
function and will directly affect performance, grades,
and social functioning. It is also illegal; if a child
is caught, there will be repercussions for the child and
the parent(s).

Marijuana alternatives such as "spice" are no
safer, in fact, may be more risky than
marijuana. The fact they may be readily available, even
commercially and fraudulently sold as incense, does not
mean that they are safe or legal.

"Bath salts" (not to be confused with bathing
soaps or perfumes). These can contain
stimulants or other psychoactive drugs in small amounts.
Even though they may also be readily available, even
commercially, they are not legal or safe to use.

Nicotine is addictive, and smoking is dangerous
to your health. It also makes your clothes,
breath, and hair smell bad, and it is expensive. These
immediate consequences can be more convincing to kids
than the threat of health problems years from now. It
doesn't hurt, however, to remind them that smoking
causes lung cancer, emphysema, chronic bronchitis, renal
cancer, bladder cancer, mouth and throat cancer, and
increased risk for heart attack. It is responsible for
nearly 500,000 premature deaths each year in the U.S.

Using an inhalant is extremely dangerous
and can kill you, even the first time you use one by
causing suffocation or heart irregularities. The
solvents that are typically inhaled damage the liver and
other organs. Some substances, such as toluene, can
increase the risk for leukemia. Use can cause permanent
brain damage.

When children or teens drink and use drugs, it
effects their brains differently than when adults use. This is
because the brain is more vulnerable during childhood and
adolescence to changes and damage caused by alcohol and drugs.

The nuts and bolts

You may get a variety of responses when you bring up substance abuse
with preteens or teens. If your preteen or teen is already involved in
these activities, you may get responses such as: "You're making a big
deal out of this." "I can quit when I'm older." "You did it when you
were a kid." It's important that you stay calm, be nonjudgmental and
state the facts. Making threats or losing your temper will not work in
the long run. Here's what will work:

Make your point. Be clear about your
views on drug, alcohol, and tobacco use. State your
position calmly and clearly. For instance: "No amount of
smoking, drinking, or drug use is OK with me." If you
currently smoke, drink, or use drugs, or if you have in
the past, be honest about it. Tell your teen why you
don't want him or her to make the same mistakes you did.

Give guidance. Preteens and teens
sometimes use drugs, alcohol, or tobacco to cope with
strong emotions or feelings. Talk with your teen about
other ways that he or she can manage emotional pain,
stress, or loneliness.

Listen. Pay attention to what your
child says. Do your best not to get defensive. Talk
about your child's opinions without judging or accusing
him or her. For example, if your child says smoking
makes him cool, ask him to define what makes one person
cooler than another.

Explain the message. Talk with your
teen about the messages in cigarette and alcohol
advertising. Explain how companies use marketing to sell
their products; nobody likes to be tricked or
manipulated.

Role-play. A newspaper story about a
car accident caused by drinking or about a drug incident
at your child's school can give you a good chance to
talk. Ask your teen questions, such as, "What would you
say if someone offered you drugs?" Then help him or her
come up with confident, effective answers.

Be open. Make a written contract with your
teen. Include a section stating that you will pick up your teen,
no questions asked, if he or she is drunk or high or is offered
a ride by someone who is. Let your teen know that although you
do not approve of drug use, you don't want him or her to take
dangerous risks.

By being supportive and having open communication with your children,
you can encourage them to turn to you instead of drugs, alcohol, or
smoking. As a parent, this is one of most important gifts you can give
your children.

How to be supportive

The more involved you are in your teen's life the less likely he or she
is to drink, smoke, or use drugs. Here are some ways to be supportive:

Build your teen's self-esteem. During
adolescence the body changes, emotions run high, and
moods swing. It can be a confusing time for both you and
your teen. Listen to your teen, and be careful not to
judge. Let your teen know that his or her feelings are
important. This helps build self-esteem. If your teen
has the confidence, assertiveness, and strength to
handle tough times, he or she will be less likely to try
drugs, alcohol, and tobacco to feel better or to please
friends.

Know how much time your teen spends unsupervised.
Studies show that having a lot of unsupervised time can
make a teen more likely to try drugs. Help your teen
choose healthy leisure activities.

Discourage your teen from having friends that
use drugs, alcohol, or tobacco. Peer pressure
is a powerful influence on teens.

Be a role model. If you smoke or use
alcohol or drugs, chances are your teen will, too. If
you smoke or have a problem with alcohol or drugs, get
help. Call a local substance abuse treatment center or
an organization, such as Alcoholics Anonymous or
Nicotine Anonymous. Let your teen see your efforts to
kick a substance abuse habit. Or, ask a relative or
friend who is trying to quit smoking, drinking or using
drugs to talk with your teen about how strong the
addiction is.

Ask for help. Raising children is complicated,
and you may need help. Consider taking a parenting class or
going to a family counselor. Hospitals and community centers
often offer such classes. Your teen's health care provider can
help you find one.