So, I was playing some mindless fun game on Facebook and noticed that my nephew appears to have broken up with his girlfriend. More accurately, it seems that she dumped him. It would seem that the correct reaction these days (as I have seen this several times with several people on my friends list who are only there because they play certain games that I play which require large numbers of neighbors to advance) is to lash out at the entire world over Facebook over a breakup. Basically, almost all of his posts could have been replaced by this:

This, of course, reminded me of my first major breakup. I was a bit younger than my nephew is now (about four years younger). I was young and stupid and in love with the idea of being in love. After four months of dating bliss, the guy decided it would be best if we didn't see each other. My response to him was a nice, calm, "Oh, I suppose you have a point. Have a good night, then, and safe drive home." (This was back in the day before text and email. This was during a time when dumping someone was usually done in person, but occasionally occurred over the telephone or through a "Dear John" letter.) I was calm and collected when it happened. I gave him no reaction, or at least I did my best to appear indifferent.

After he left, I turned to the sad and sappy love songs that were in my cassette collection. I didn't have many, so I just listened to the few over and over while crying my eyes out. Luckily, a couple friends came over within an hour of this breakup to whisk me away to their wonderful place that was filled with vodka where they got me good and shi...umm...drunk and reminded me what a jackass the guy could be. It didn't take me long to remember all the complaints I had about him and to join in the fun of mocking him. About the time that I was feeling pretty well wasted, I got the munchies. The nearest thing to eat was a box of Triscuits.

Triscuits do not mix well with vodka. Maybe it was just that I had been drinking too much vodka. Either way, about the time that my stomach started rebelling against the more solid matter forcing its way into the vodka that filled it, the phone rang. My friend answered it (it was his phone). It was the new ex calling our mutual friends to ask how I was doing. My apparent lack of reaction had concerned him. My friend told him that he could ask me how I was doing himself, then handed me the phone. I took the phone. My ex asked me how I was doing, and I responded by granting my stomach's wish to expel the Triscuits as well as quite a bit of vodka.

I don't imagine that the sound of someone violently vomiting Triscuits and vodka over the telephone would be very pleasant. It may not have been much, but it was some form of punishment to him for breaking my heart (which I had already realize by this point that he hadn't actually done). Sure, it was a bit embarrassing, but I felt a lot better.

So, fellow MyIGNers, what are your worst, funniest, or most embarrassing breakup stories?