A lot of people are concerned about the ABC "docu-drama" Path to 9/11, claiming it is biased and unfair toward the Clinton administration. As a good citizen of these United States, I previewed this film and am happy to share my findings.

Here is a transcript from a pivotal scene in the "docu-drama". I'll let you judge for yourself if it is indeed biased.

Scene: A CIA operative has captured Osama Bin Laden and calls the White House to confirm the order to kill.CIA Operative: "I've captured Bin Laden. All I need is the President's permission to take him out."

White House Staffer: "Well, President Clinton is busy right now having sex with a goat, which he will then sacrifice to his lord and savior, Satan."

CO: "But I have Osama Bin Laden. Public Enemy Number One. He's mocking the United States, saying we don't have the balls to kill him."

CO: "He says if I don't kill him now he'll organize a terrorist attack on the United States."

WHS: "That's big talk from someone with bad kidneys. Tell him to not piss in five different directions at once, and then we'll listen to his threats."

CO: "He says if we let him live, his followers will fly planes into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon on September 11, 2001."WHS: "Okay, I think the President has finished fucking beasts and worshipping the devil, so I'll let you speak to him."

President Clinton: (portrayed as the devil, complete with horns and a pitchfork) "What the hell do you want?"

CO: "Mr. President, I've captured Osama Bin Laden. If I let him go, he vows to destroy the Twin Towers. If I kill him, the plan dies as well."

Clinton: (casually browsing through a kiddie-porn magazine) "Let him go. He's giving me two of his wives in exchange for an unlimited line of credit at a flight school in Florida."

CO: "Mr. President, I cannot in good conscience...."

Clinton: (interrupting) "Shut up and obey my orders or I'll do to you what I did to Vince Foster."

It's not Clinton's or Bush's fault. Religious whackos flew those planes. They pinned the blame for Pearl Harbor on Kimmel because they needed an American scapegoat for the actions of the sneak attackers. Same thing here. The 9/11 hijackers boarded the planes with nothing illegal on their persons. Going back now and trying to say Clinton or Bush or whoever should have had a crystal ball to see 9/11 coming is an exercise in mental masturbation. It might make you feel good, but it's ultimately just something to pass the time.

I fucking hate movies associated with 9/11 but that's only because it brings back memories of one of the saddest days ever and I feel like all the movies are just tragedy-wanking off to the whole misery of what happened, then and subsequent.

knitty,as long as I can hug you and cop a cheap feel every once in a while. Or have sex with you. Whichever.

john,I don't think I've ever blamed Bush for the actual event, and I've blamed him for lots, including the horrible exploitation of this tragedy for political gain. Face it, Bush was a one-termer if 9/11 never happened.

chris,masturbation in a 7-11 is bad.

anna,I know you can't draw the curtains; I watch you undress.

ubie,"Pearl Harbor" was so bad, Jimmy Kimmel would have been an improvement.

cold hands,"..who do I have to fuck to get one?" That would be me, my dear.

tlsd,thanks for adding to the political discourse in such a lucid fashion.