Sometimes I feel like I am the only person in the world who doesn’t watch porn. I don’t watch porn because I haven’t found any porn I enjoy and I really really want to watch porn! I think it could be fun and engaging and inspiring to my own sex life and my own personal work. Recently a friend of mine sent me a link to some video on youporn and so I just watched it a few minutes ago. I didn’t find it appealing and I actually gagged at the end when the guy came onto the girls underwear. I responded to my friend asking her why is there no porn that looks like us and guys we fuck in our own lives? The guy in the video sounded like a douchebag and had a white cap backwards. How could I be possibly be turned on by the flailing around of his dick when every few seconds there is a shot of that awful baseball cap? I couldn’t. But the thought of someone I have the hots for caressing my breasts can turn me on while I sit on the bus. I’m often referred to as a ‘teenage boy’ because I get aroused so easily and so often and can make most situations sexual and arousing.

My history with porn is tricky. The first time I ever consciously looked at porn was online with a boyfriend. We were in his parent’s basement and we just googled some porn website. I was sitting on his lap and he was clicking through the photos. It didn’t last song because he found it repulsive. I didn’t really understand the aesthetic of it either. This was in the 90’s. I had another boyfriend who was really into porn but hid it from me because at the time I was in my feminist anti-porn stage. I got over that and then we were able to watch porn together. I bought a bunch of used VHS tapes from BMV. Yes used! It adds to the appeal. Shane’s World was my favorite series. It featured regular looking girls with little make up and the guys weren’t my type but were so generic it didn’t matter. I think the first time I ever had sex to porn was once in my flat we were watching Star Wars and then we started fucking; the dialogue from the film disturbed us so we put on Shane’s World. I had watched it on my own on a regular basis by that point but having it on while we fucked enlivened the experience. We were making noises and the tv was making noises too! It was a sex party!

I was into Shane’s World for a few years but then I moved on from VHS and couldn’t find any on DVD. When I finally found something comparable I watched it a few times but somehow grew out of it and my current boyfriend wasn’t much for watching it either. We made our own porn films and watched those instead. We mostly just filmed ourselves and projected it on our big screen tv. That was hotter for us than watching some strangers pretend to get off.

The main theme throughout my relationships was the creation of fantasy ourselves. With each partner I was able to use my/our narcissism as arousal. Foreign films also help this! In foreign films, sex is often complicated and dark and wrought with all the stuff I find hot in my own life.

I will have to write more on this. But in the meantime feel free to send me some porn please! Maybe you have found something out there I’ll love.

To situate the post here are some men that if I were to see in porn, I’d probably watch on repeat for the rest of my life. To clarify, I’m also not really into objectifying men I don’t know. I know there is no chance of a sexual encounter with them, thus I see it as pointless. My fantasies always lie in the ‘possibility’ thus the men I do and have desired in my life, I have objectified to no end. But I won’t post them here for obvious reasons.

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§ 14 Responses to Porn"

It's a bit edgy on the BDSM side and all but kink.com offers porn that's at least real to watch. One of the things that sucks about most porn is that's so damn fake that it turns you off. The ooh's and aah's actually get annoying if you can read "yeah but it's just a dayjob for me" on her face.
The girls in there are thrillseekers and basically exploring their boundaries. They like it rough and really really like what they are doing (or what is done to them…). They come for real and their enthusiasm and imperfection makes it all the hotter to watch.

I've always loved looking at pictures of beautiful, naked women, and so I thought porn would be a natural extension of this; but when I finally saw what people think of as porn (movies, videos) I found it as utterly unarousing as watching a nature show. Though I am a man, for me, the mental element of seduction is essential; with still images I can create that element for myself, but with video or film, that element is typically replaced by an incredibly banal plot combined with what seem to me to be clinical pictures of the mechanics of sex both of which are, for whatever reasons perhaps peculiar to me, incredible turnoffs.

Even when I find myself fantasizing about women around me on the bus or subway, I have to say I don't immediately jump to the mechanics of sex, but I start to imagine a world where the two of us become lovers in multiple dimensions, including the sexual. Perhaps one could say that my sexual fantasies always seem to involve a romantic component, and perhaps that sets me apart from most men — but it certainly places me outside the market for most porn.

This is not to say I don't find any films or videos arousing — I do, but they're usually not porn videos. It has to have some element of seduction, of intrigue, of persuasion, perhaps.

Interesting. Speaking as a man, I have had the opposite experience. I can no longer get it up to fantasize over real women I know and am attracted to because I'm aware of how different the fantasy might be from the reality of the sex. In this sense, although porn is staged, it is more real sex than fantasizing about crushes.

My guess is that the deal with men, women, and porn is that men generally have simply a much lower threshold for arousal. For example, the difference between you and a teen-aged boy is that, while you might be able to get aroused on a bus by thinking about someone you're attracted to, a typical teen-aged boy would get on a bus, look around, and start fantasizing about whoever was the hottest woman on the bus at that particular time.

Also, I can't relate to wanting to watch porn and have sex at the same time.

C: It's interesting how in porn men become reduced to corporeality and just vessels. In traditional psychoanalysis and oppressive discourse it is the woman who is the 'body' and the man 'the mind' – logos/eros – yin/yang binaries abound.

I guess in porn, men are there to facilitate the arousal of other men by 'seemingly' arousing women.

I think the notion that men aren't built to be as aesthetically pleasing is reductionist and a consequence of historical visualization and naturalization of 'the body' I find men's bodies to be really arousing and find that not enough erotic photography focussed on men.

I'd love to be privy to some violent porn. I'm really into violence in my own sex life. Question is, is it a direct link to your arousal and masturbation/sex or do you watch it because it intrigues you?

from my experience of the decades of porn watching, men are often supposed to just be utilitarian, functional bodies in porn. both sexes usually agree we aren't built as aesthetically pleasing to the eye as women are. i find it annoying anyway when i see their dumb ballcap faces or hear them speak like LA jocks.

i'm into terribly weird and violent porn you don't want to go down that road.

I recommend strongly one movie by Erika Lust (www.erikalust.com) called "FIVE HOT STORIES FOR HER". For me this is the first porn I ever liked, where the women are real women, the men are good looking, the stories are modern and the filming is beautiful.