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w _____ ____ 1 222 333 "Me and Mongo Jones" w
D // | \ 11 2 3 by Ciacco the Hog, Lobo Licious, and D
* || ____ | || | 1 222 333 Bob the Master of the World *
G || || \ / | || | 1 2 3 issue #123 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 222 333 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 05/17/02 w
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Have you never heard of Mongo Jones?
Mongo Jones was born in late 1997. His actual birthdate is unknown, as is his
actual place of residence. He is somewhat of a distributed entity. Though
only five years old, he is already 4'11" and encroaching on a deuce and a half
(250 pounds for you stupid fucks). You may say to yourself, "How could this
be? A child of only 5 years weighing so much. Who were the parents? What
the fuck is going on? Child abuse!"
To see who the parents are, perhaps you should look in the mirror while
comparing your once-willowy figure to an old High School yearbook. The
"Freshman 15" inadequately describes the horrors of post-high school obesity.
Yes, my friends, Mongo Jones is YOU. And me. And all the others who have
packed on the pounds since the glory days. While individually, we may call
our fattishness by special names like "Lionel" (Lobo Licious's gut), "Nigel"
(Ciacco the Hog's girth) or "Gaylord" (j3ph's belly), collectively, they are
known as the infamous Mongo Jones. We have found through careful study that,
despite the fact that most of us have graduated from college, Mongo continues
to grow at an exponential rate. By the time we reach 30, Mongo Jones will be
unstoppable. Or we'll all be morbidly obese. Perhaps our high school reunion
will be held at the Fat Farm.
Contributors to Mongo Jones (approximate weight gain - may vary day to day)
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Ciacco the Hog (25 pounds)
Lobo Licious (30 pounds)
Bob the Master of the World (25 pounds)
Seth The Man (35 to 100 pounds)
Yancey Slide (30 pounds)
Rear Admiral Muldoon... (-10 pounds - How the hell did this happen?)
Sir Flea (40 pounds)
Frank Ferra (50 pounds)
Bruno (2 pounds)
Bill Hooper (5 pounds of pure muscle mass)
Snotty (15 pounds of tits and ass)
MONGO'S TOTAL WEIGHT TO DATE: 247 to 312 pounds
Look around at your friends from High School, and observe the protruding guts.
While you may not have contributed to Mongo Jones, you have most likely
contributed to one of the following entities: Girthy Sam, Tubby Smith, Fatty
Lumpkin, Bulbous Bill, or Hey-Hey-Fat Sarah.
The fattishness must be stopped. Or not.
We'd write more, but Mongo Jones needs to eat.
[The food and alcohol Mongo consumed during the writing of this file were
provided by: Giorgio's, Don Pablo's, Bigham's Smokehouse, the Cellar
Beer-barn, Krispy Kreme, Amante, Taco Bell, Whataburger, One Guy from Italy,
Denny's, more Denny's, IHOP, and numerous other kept in business by Mongo's
insatiable appetite.
No guts were harmed in the making of this file.
Food contributions must be sent to the address below.]
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Issue#123 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMII Mongo Jones/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMII GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :SEND MORE MONEY:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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