​Recently my son was not well. He was very uncomfortable in his body and was quite restless and unsettled. He was fighting high temperatures for a few days until I got antibiotics from the doctor to treat him for an ear infection. I went to his room to our rocking chair to help him settle down. I could feel the tension in my body from the way he was.

Stillness is something that I had always feared in a way. For as long as I can remember, I had always kept myself busy, always feeling like I had to be productive. It was never enough to just be me.

I would run from job to job, go to the gym, dinners, see friends, but not really be there, not being present. I would always be thinking about where I needed to be next and what I needed to do. My day was a constant battle to stay on top. I would get home, cook dinner, throw it down, jump in the shower, slap on some moisturiser and jump into bed before doing it all again the next day

​My life has been filled with endless to-do lists and a drive to complete them, no matter the effect on my body. By completing these endless tasks I felt like I was achieving so much and was always seen by others to be “doing so well in life”. This put a lot of unnecessary pressure on me to perform and I would be very hard on myself if I didn’t finish the crazy goals I had set. I lived on nervous energy and anxiety, making me exhausted by the end of a working week.

The stress I placed on myself was insurmountable and I felt like I could never really get to that place of perfection. I was setting myself up for failure from the get-go and this was taking its toll on my body.