The Comeback

In the spring of 2001, I had experienced what many may call or refer to, as an epiphany. Long story short, I had gone through some major life changes and was navigating a very new time of life. I was in my 30's and had experienced "life" pretty fully (I wasn't "naive").

I had felt directed to go to a park one day, which I had never been at before, but liked being outdoors and felt peace/closeness to God in nature, so I followed this "unction". While there,I received "information"/revelation....a knowing, on several issues that had been in my thought life. It was different from most anything I had ever experienced before.

I knew that I knew, that I knew....this information was from some "place", someone different (or maybe the intensity of the delivery was different?) than anything I had ever experienced before.

I felt changed, like I had a purpose, a plan and a brief explanation of things that gave me such incredible calmness and certainty about aspects of my future path. Nothing could rock me.

Unfortunately, I started to question aspects of validity and progressively turned to faith-based religion (I was raised Christian and had a good relationship with "that", but fell away as I grew older).

The impositions, exclusions, expectations came in, and I lost the "magic". I went on a 13 year quest to "be close, "obedient", to God....and lost everything personal and wonderful that I had gained.

At the end, I ended up questioning everything in life, in relationships, in work, finances (I had made decent money for a period of time in that 13 years...and gave most of it away to organizations that would support those beliefs and philanthropy in general).

In addition, I wasn't as attentive to some things that go along with increase and just ended up in a very bleak situation financially and spiritually.

Had I never questioned that initial experience and exposed myself so openly to religion, I question if I would have encountered these very, very rough times. However, I am open to the idea that sometimes for necessary growth, there is "turbulence".

Questioning your heart knowledge with head knowledge can be a destructive plight.