“In the chauffeured Lincoln Navigator, it was all about puffing Parliament Lights and Miami chitchat with her entourage. Lindsay traveled with a revolving pack of pseudo-chaperones, whose most responsible member was her 17-year-old sister, Aliana.”

On being so entitled that the word “wait” doesn’t exist:

“As we pulled up to the Fontainebleau, a bright-orange parking cone was blocking the entrance,” Powers writes. “Not accustomed to waiting, apparently, she lowered the car’s window and shouted, ‘Move that cone. I’m Lindsay Lohan.’ “And it was done. This foreshadowed the arrogance and demanding personality she exhibited as her sweet-girl façade started slipping.”

On Lindsay’s unstable temperament and looking to constantly be the center of attention:

“Lindsay’s aura — while professional — seemed almost melancholy. She was pretty and talented, albeit a little sad and weary. And constantly looking for drama, whether it was picking a fight with her younger sister … or freaking out over a lost pair of Zanotti heels.”

On Lindsay’s total lack of sobriety, despite what the court says:

“Saturday was another night at LIV, and all that implies. Sunday was an all-day party in the penthouse and on the beach. When I arrived at The Raleigh at 7 p.m. to conduct my interview, even her handlers were incoherent. Car services were sent and rebuffed. Even Aliana departed, but Lindsay wouldn’t end the party … it was like watching the lights come on at a nightclub after-hours — not pretty.”

Anyway, though the woman followed Lindsay and her entourage around for days, she never did get that interview. I guess that’s probably the MOST surprising of this entire thing, which is to say not at all.