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What’s so funny, Scarlett asked. Oh, I was just musing over the cane sticking out of your bag – an implement I assume you will want to use at the official Girls Up/boys down Party today. Looks like it will hurt. Oh, yes, it can hurt but it’s quite flexible she said. Far more effective than the wooden spoon paddle I had hidden in my bag. Her intent was made clear, she will apply the cane, meaningfully, later today. She would not and did not disappoint. We backed out of the driveway…over the top in my list of dreams – to accompany Mistress Scarlett to an event where she can put me on display and inform her friends what her true use is for me ….this is the Girls Up/boys down party.

Four days later, after a post party endorphin crash also recently experienced by others among our sub-group, I laid on the table for my semi-weekly Wednesday massage. My therapist peeled back the sheet and exclaimed, “Your Glutes! Where did you get those bruises?!!” “Ah, would you believe I ran into a bevy of sadistic cane wielding women”, I said? HaHaHa, no, she replied. “Ya, ok, I fell through a rotted plank boardwalk across an irrigation ditch in an old orange grove”. “Wow!” She said. “Looks like that must’ve hurt.” Riiiiiight….

Attending as Scarlett Lush’s personal servant gave me a certain legitimacy I could find no where else. Oh, you came with Scarlett said one lovely Lady…here, these clothes pins on your nipples will do well then. And with a wave of a hand she said come back when it’s time to take them off…you’ll know when…Scarlett smiled at me, thinking to herself… I like passing you around.

Once the pins came off she said don’t put them on again for another hour or so…but alas, it was not to be. 30 minutes later there was another set on my slightly numb nipples. All the subs lined up to have their clothes pins whipped off. My eyes begged for SydneyScreams to do the whipping. I tried to impress her, making the pins dance by flexing my pecs. STOP THAT! she screamed. I’m putting on a show for you I responded. I DON’T WANT A SHOW, she screamed. Maybe that is why she is called SydneyScreams. And then she got close and quiet squeezing the clothes pins very tight, crushing my nipples and whispered… “I want real”. Ooww!!!! Oh…um, yes. And the squeezing got harder…and I winced and let out a grunt. “Is that real now?” she asked… “getting realer by the second” I choked out. The pins were then whipped off…and my crushed nipples pinched hard yet again between her fingertips…with her smile crisp as she looked in my eyes squeezing, she did not need to say the words “remember me”. Four days out my nipples are still “real”..today being the first day the soft ribbed material of my “wife beater” t-shirt did not cause undue nipple pain and distress…yep, that’s real Ms. Sydney…how can I thank you?

Despite the beauty of her whisper, the clothes pin whipping did not go exactly as planned. Though whipped off my nipple, the pin hung on by a single embarrassingly long scraggly chest hair… “EWEEEE… FIX THAT!!!! The Ladies cried. And then it happened again on the second one….AAAHHHHHHHH!!!! Deep in the back of my mind I heard shouting, “Someone get the razor!” And in an instant I was set upon by 3 or 4 Ladies wielding a bright pink electric dipilliatory razor…we’re going to take care of this they shouted – not just a shave but pulling out these gross hairs by the roots – you don’t need these!! Fortunately for me, they decided my lower back would be shaved as my chest was just too much..and so, with one shaving and one on each side holding down my arms they set about removing any offending hair. Mind you however I was not the only sub in line for his clothes pin whipping. I could not resist leaning over to the sub to my right and mentioning to him how impressed I was there were a few Ladies who ONLY recognized him from behind when he first walked in. Just outstanding, I said. Ssshhhh, keep it down or you too might get an “ASSignment”, he said.

A second or so later Scarlett floated by, stopping for less than an instant …but just long enough to attach yet more clothes pins – this time on my balls. Come with me and give me a foot massage she said….don’t let those come off… And off we went, with me somehow positioning on the ground so that the clothes pins would remain securely attached as I cleaned, kneaded, cooled, massaged and caressed her remarkably exquisite feet.

My task complete, Scarlett took leave and her seat was immediately filled by yet another wonderful Lady. Oh yes, waved Scarlett, he’s very good on feet, you should have him do it for you too and so I remained pinned on the ground, baking shirtless in the sun, to offer another Lady the chance to relax and cool her feet. Is a sunburn too much to bear just to hear Miss Scarlett say “he’s very good” …ah, I think not. I finished my second task and begged my leave of Miss KittyM.

The afternoon was waning. Time growing short and Scarlett needed to leave. I ran to the boys “dressing room” to retrieve the wooden spoon paddle Miss Scarlett enjoys so much…in the hopes she would find the humor and pleasure in its use. I began presenting it to her and the lovely Ms Derby who noted: my…I do believe he’s trying to manipulate you into using his spoon paddle Miss Scarlett! Yes, I am and we all know it, but then Scarlett pushed the spoon paddle to Ms Derby and grabbed the cane. Yes, sub-s, bend over now, with legs apart, so both of us can both whip your joe boxer ass and your balls too. It should be knownScarlett is not easily manipulated and her wish for caning is not to be denied. The cane came up hard, repeatedly, between my legs. My balls bouncing and the pain ringing through my gut. Then came the caning across my ass and I found myself shouting loudly…none of which seemed to cause any quieting among the now rowdy crowd. Breathe my boy, breathe….

Earlier however what did seem to quite the crowd was a shockingly loud slapping kick to the nuts of one of the sub-males. This was no film at 11 and set the tone early on. The kick, delivered by one of the ladies I had met over the course of the day, remained ever present in my mind. At leaving time I extended my hand to hers and our eyes met….there was something unsaid, something left undone, her beautiful feet, and we parted…and now I imagine her saying, wait, before you go…now you must get your balls kicked too…

I drifted for a moment and offered goodbyes to all those I could. I thanked the green eyed goddess Mlle Belladiva for her hospitality. My world is now much richer for having met new friends. Miss Scarlett is satisfied and happy with the day, what better reward could there be?

I’ve been botox for 2 months. It’s reduced the severity of my migraines by one or two pain points but not frequency. Apparently round two should be better. I get my next round the 24th. So I should know in August (it takes about 2 weeks to kick in) if it’s going to work for me or not. I’m skeptical at this point. I want it to help but it’s hard when you’re in pain all the time and nothing seems to stick. My last round of nerve block injections I had 9 migraines. The nerve blocks last for 10 days, so apparently it’s not working anymore. I got my nerve blocks the day before Dark’s Odyssey’s Fusion (kink camp) but I was sick and had a migraine every single day. One day I even got two! Ugh. I ended up leaving early because I just couldn’t handle it anymore. I did however learn two new skills. Needle play and using a single tail. Single tail I can practice at home to perfect the strikes. Needles require someone to play with but it’s a really fun way to make someone have an adrenaline rush. I’m happy I got to learn something new and be around kinky people even if I didn’t get to participate much. It still feels warm and fulfilling.

I really appreciate all of the support and well wishes from everyone. It’s nice knowing so many people care and are rooting for me! I’m certainly not giving up.

My health is slowly on the upswing. I’m no longer dealing with daily low-grade headache and body aches. Which means I’m sleeping better and this has dramatically improved my mood. Nerve block injections plus Botox seems to be key. Nerve block injections make me feel amazing and have no side effects but they are quite painful and only last 10 days. Botox seems to be helping bit by bit, but requires 31 injections per visit! I’m no longer afraid of needles thanks to my medical issues. Botox didn’t work right away, it took about a week for me to notice anything and about 3 weeks for it to fully be in effect. Botox should last for three months, which is amazing. Apparently the first round is also the weakest so hopefully I’ll feel even better at the end of July after my 2nd round.

I’m still not working but I have energy bursts here and there and am actually looking forward to going back to work which is how I know I’m feeling better. I always enjoy being active and motivated except for when I’m sick, then it’s hard to look forward to anything. Before Botox I was at about 30/40% energy levels daily, now I feel more at 60/70%.

I’m been phone chatting Princess Kali for some ideas on how to keep a work flow schedule and also not make myself sicker. She’s an amazing woman and great for bouncing ideas off of. So in the next few weeks I’ll be back to online appointments. My problem in the past has always beenthat I push myself too hard and make myself sick. I’m really going to create (and try to stick to) a realistic work/life/health balance schedule. This way I’ll be able to keep working, despite my poor health, not push myself into getting sick again and repeating this vicious cycle.

Today is rough. Last week I was on a course of intense steroids for 6 days to attempt to reduce the severity of my migraines, I had to switch other anti-migraine meds, and was basically reduced to a high and low emotional mess. One minute I was fine, the next I would be sobbing because I loved my cat so much that I couldn’t cope with all of my emotions due to the steroids. It turned out to be a complete waste of time and money as it unfortunately did nothing for me. But it’s checked off the list I suppose.

After a year of waiting I was finally able to be treated by the georgetown neurology clinic which only deals with headache and migraine patients. This month is going to be pretty intense, I’m with a panel of doctors now working together to try and get this chronic pain under control. I’m undergoing a MRI, a sleep study, nerve-block injections, and finally, botox.

I started two new medications this weekend and can’t take as many drugs to abort the pain once they start because of rebound effect. I can’t even take excedrin or alieve. Not being able to squeeze my pain relief security blanket is scary and the withdraws are pretty bad.

Lastly I have to get on birth control to stop my periods all together because hormones are the devil for me and cause a lot of migraines. And I get to see a psychiatrist and therapist as recommended by my panel of doctors because my anxiety and depression is at an all time from high being in pain every day and basically not able to do much social activity. I’m not even working anymore. I’m a bed potato and it sucks.

I miss volunteering, I miss working, I miss hiking around D.C., I miss working out. I just miss life and feel like it is running by me.

I’ve been pretty MIA lately and this is why (for those of you wondering), and chronic pain awareness is important because it effects everything is someone’s life. It’s completely drained me, oh yeah, and I can’t even reach for my energy comfort, coffee, because it also can effect headaches. I get one cup a day now. BUT STILL. I LOVE COFFEE AND WANT IT ALL THE TIME. So please be patient while doctors play guinea pig on me. I try to post happy and fun stuff on social media because I need to try and smile even if I feel like death on the inside.

The only commitment I currently make is Risque at The Crucible. It’s the 2nd Saturday of the month. It’s a lively dungeon play party with quirky themes and demo stations for newbies and seasoned veterans. I run the sybian with my girlfriend, Kat. Stop by and say “hello” if you’re there. This event is easy for me because it’s only for a few hours and if I get sick Kat can take over for me. Plus it gets me out of the house.

I’ve been suffering from severe chronic migraines since I was a teenager. Calling them “headaches” doesn’t do them justice; I can’t take aspirin or ibuprofen to help with the pain, I can barely function when they hit, and the recovery is slow and leaves me vulnerable to rebound migraines for hours or days afterwards. I have to spend most of my time walking on eggshells, babying myself and avoiding many of my favorite activities.

I want to be healthy so. badly. I spend most of my days hiding in a dark room, listening to the low hum of a white noise machine while I sip Pedialyte and try not to vomit or pass out from the pain. If I’m lucky, I get two days per week of normal-ish functioning.

I have 10 different medications on me at all times in case a migraine hits. Sometimes the meds do nothing, and I end up in the ER because the nausea is so intense I’m unable to keep pills or liquids down. Even when the meds do work, they leave my brain foggy, zap all my energy, and turn me into a vegetable. I can’t drive, make simple decisions, or remember much of what happens around me. I’ve been on countless other preventative medications and tried a lot of lifestyle changes, but nothing has worked so far. And some of the preventative side effects have been almost as bad as having the migraine anyway.

To reduce the likelihood of a migraine, I’ve tried to identify what can trigger them. So far my list is:

I’m very active on migraine blogs and have tried countless remedies in an attempt to get relief. I receive emails from people offering me advice and I truly appreciate it. Here’s what I’ve done so far:

Botox (I’m waiting on my neurologist to see if we can try it)
…And whatever else my doctors recommend. I have a panel of neurologists looking after me. It took a year to get into their care but it’s one of the best in the country.

My mental health has suffered significantly because I’m sick all the damn time. Being barely able to function makes me feel awful and guilty. The pain, depression, and anxiety pull me into a downward spiral of negativity and wreck any attempts at productivity.

I’m often so weak that I have to rely heavily on my poly/kink family. They are my world, and I am so thankful to have them in my life. When we go out they make sure I have water and snacks, and they watch out for me to make sure I’m feeling ok as the night progresses and I expend what energy I do have. When we stay in, they play video games and watch awful reality tv with me to help distract me, and they take turns rubbing my head and shoulders to help ease the pain. They let me cry, vent, and take me to doctors appointments or hospitals when I’m too sick to function. I’ve always valued my independence, strength, and my ability to lead and get shit done. Not being able to fulfill that strong leader-type of role is really messing with my sanity. It’s very difficult for me to ask for help, admit that I’m sick, and not shine the way I normally do. Simply put, my mind is fierce and strong and my body just isn’t keeping up. I feel like I’m too young and have too much life to live to be inside and in pain all of the time.

But, I’m not a quitter. I’m a problem solver and a hard worker. I’ll figure out a way to make this work and shine again. Sessions are hard for me these days, but I’m actively trying to do more. If you’re looking for services from me, keep emailing me once a month to see how I’m doing. I want to see you, I just can’t when I’m only 20% okay. You deserve me when I’m able to give you 100% of my creative, sadistic self. I don’t do half measures – it’s not how my brain works.

I also get a lot of requests offering help when I’m sick, for massages, food runs, errands, etc. I really appreciate the offers but I’m not generally in a state to receive them. I prefer to hide in a cave only exposing myself to those I trust. You don’t want to serve a Queen who has been in pajamas all day, hasn’t done her hair or makeup and can barely function – and even if you don’t mind, I do. I prefer not to be seen in that light, even by my favorite submissives.

There are a few flavors of help that I’m comfortable accepting in my weakened state: Come to my live channel and hop in chat and talk to me! Send me a nice email. I put things on my wishlist that help like food items, Uber gift cards, etc. Follow my social media and leave nice comments. Just be a decent human being. I notice these things, and I’ll recognize and reward for your kind acts of service when I’m feeling better.

I decided that I was ready for a change and moved up the coast to Washington, D.C. I have friends in the area and a close network of kinky people. My favorite bdsm events are in the DC/Baltimore area and I was overall ready for some new scenery. I’m visiting Orlando every once in a while for friends and for sessions but for now my home base is D.C. and I’ll be accepting new clients for in person sessions and online. If you’re interested in serving me send a polite email to Scarlett.Lush@gmail.com

November and December are always a blur thanks to my birthday and the holidays. The most memorable moment was being thoroughly spoiled at the mall during a Christmas session in Orlando with a long-time client. Teasing and torturing someone who has been so loyal and caring over the years is always a delightful experience for me.

January and February were incredibly busy, but March has slowed down. I’m currently in Philly with my best friend who is undergoing a fairly complicated surgery. I’ve been her nurse and caregiver since March 12th. Being raised in the South didn’t prepare me for all this snow. I don’t know how people deal with this weather. The calm beauty of a blizzard is nice but I’ve been freezing my tail off. I just want to stay in bed or in a hot bath all day long. I need to gear up before I embark on another snowy adventure.

Most people are surprised that I have such a tender bedside manner when in Nurse Scarlett mode. It’s a role I take on only for those closest to me, but I do enjoy it. My organizational skills and comfort giving orders make me an effective caretaker. It doesn’t hurt that I don’t mind bodily fluids or blood either. 😉

However I *am* going a bit stir-crazy because the blizzard has kept us cooped up inside so much. There’s also a kink in my neck from napping in my friend’s hospital room. But it’s a small price to pay for being able to care for a dear friend in their time of need.

I have a pet that I have the fortune to play with from time-to-time. He supplies his cock and balls, and I torture them in session. It’s a mutually beneficial relationship as I thrive being a sadist, and he, a masochist is very happy to allow me to be wicked and creative on him.

I’ve been on a medical staple kick lately and he offered to let me staple his testicles and use a pretty green ribbon to tie up each sides.

He came for his session and I saw more nervousness and sweat pouring out of him than I’ve ever seen before. We’ve been playing for a few years so it was adorable seeing this new apprehensive energy coming from him. After it was done I rewarded him by removing the staples gently and beating his balls with a various assortment of toys. We are quite the team.

I have pictures but added them to a different gallery since it’s very *nsfw* and medical staples can make people squeamish.

Wow, I’m so flattered and humbled by all of the views and subscribers on youtube. Thank you for watching and being a fan. I might not film as often as I like, but when I do I always get a lot of support. And for that, I’ll continue to make videos.