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Both Times fashion critic Horyn and Vogue editor André Leon Talley have previously bemoaned red-carpet fashion this awards season. Horyn wondered if the good designers were avoiding loaning dresses, while Talley compared more than one actress’s red-carpet look to food — and no woman would relish a “roadside-diner peach melba” comparison. However, the two seem more or less pleased overall with what they saw last night. Horyn, who watched from Paris, found the gown parade “pretty funny”:

Here were all these gorgeous women with great bodies — I mean, we constantly hear about their workout routines, diets, etc. — and most of them were awash in ruffles and soupy drapery.

Horyn liked Sandra Bullock’s Marchesa number, a simpler silhouette than many, but writes that “Sarah Jessica Parker topped it all” in Chanel Haute Couture. Though it’s unclear if she means that in a good or bad way:

Ms. Parker is a beautiful woman, but the hairdo (and the Chanel column with breastplate) wore her on this occasion.

As did, in our opinion, her severe black eyeliner. Talley also wasn’t a fan of Parker’s “heavy chignon that looked like it was throwing off her carriage,” though he loved the Chanel dress. He also loved Sandra Bullock’s entire look — dress, hair, and makeup — noting that she “finally got the message!” But Talley’s favorite dress of the night was Jennifer Lopez’s Armani Privé, which was nice but looked like it had a vagina flapping off of it.

Talley was less thrilled with Maggie Gyllenhall’s Dries Van Noten. Of Charlize Theron’s Dior, he only writes that the dress “was without question making a statement,” which had something to do with, oh, hmmm … her bosom. Finally, he was mixed on Zoe Saldana’s fashion-savvy choice — brand-new Givenchy couture — which is shaping up to be one of the most controversial of the night.