No labor on Labor Day

Having a job blows. I envy trust-fund kids who are so flush with cash that they can have "jobs" like "wardrobe consultant" or "candle designer." We sad normals need to pay bills, so we're forced into real jobs, which is why Labor Day is a big deal. It's a glorious Monday off so we can get daytime drunk. Here are some parties to celebrate a Monday off.

The Local, the Downtown bar and eatery, brings back its epic bar crawl with Sing, Dance, Crawl on Saturday, Aug. 31. Join hundreds of fellow partiers on a daytime jaunt to some Downtown party spots. The crawl kicks off at 2 p.m. at House of Blues (1055 Fifth Ave.), where hair-metal cover band Wayward Sons will shred in unflatteringly tight pants. The crowd will then walk, or crawl, to Fluxx, then come to an end at the EDM-friendly BASSMNT. Drink specials and cuts to the front of the line are some of the perks the crawl offers. I'm sure a drunken make-out comes free of charge. Tickets are $35 at stayclassy.org/sdclaborday.

If you're looking for a dip in a pool, the Andaz Hotel (600 F St., Downtown) is throwing its final rooftop pool party of the summer with the Fortune Labor Day Pool Party on Sunday, Sept. 1. For $30 you can hang with Downtown yupsters (yuppies who want to be hipsters) and dance to tunes provided by Lifelike and Solidisco. If this scene isn't your bag, The Lafayette Hotel (2223 El Cajon Blvd. in North Park) is also throwing pool parties on Sunday and Monday, Sept. 2. Both days will feature live entertainment at a much cheaper $15 each day.

Bikinis and beer bongs may not be your thing. If you're more into alternative Labor Day fun, head to Thirsty Moon Records (525 Evans Place in Hillcrest) for its Labor Day Party. BYO brewskis, buy some vinyl and check out a live set from heavy rock 'n' rollers Wild Honey.