Our task is simple: to determine, via a time-tested method (the 64-team elimination tournament as seen in the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament, which ESPN used to show in its pre-sucking days) which ESPN broadcasting personality is the most totally loathsome and most deserves to suffer permanent paralysis of the vocal cords.

Chris Berman (1) "I was rumbling, bumbling and stumbling to the finish line!!! I am Chris 'Aaron' Berrrrr-man and my legendary years here at ESPN date back to the dawn of man, when Vince Lombardi and Don Shula were strapping young college basketball players and Joe D & the Babe were catching touchdowns for Notre Dame. Anyway, I have sweated through ANOTHER shirt...does anyone have a towel for me to wipe off my belly & under my arms? I am burning up over here!"

1. Dick Vitale

The Crimes:

Is probably Satan.

. Chris Berman

The Crimes:

Inventor of stupid nicknames that amuse you if you are ten, or stoned.

Has been on ESPN since the dawn of time.

Suffers from premature senility, routinely forgetting where players play and what their names are.

Apparently gets his sportsjackets by beating up hobos.

ABC made him wear a toupee when doing MNF halftimes, but didn't make him wear a mask.

Occasionally broadcasts baseball even though he hasn't paid attention to the sport since 1985.

Anchors ESPN's interminable and constantly repeated Home Run Derby coverage.

Inventor of ESPN anchor self-promotion, so ultimately everything on this page is his fault.

Some other really funny ones. Crazy how much I like and hate those guys at the same time.

Yes doctor, I am sick.Sick of those who are spineless.Sick of those who feel self-entitled.Sick of those who are hypocrites.Yes doctor, an army is forming.Yes doctor, there will be a war.Yes doctor, there will be blood.....

Stu Scott is a mindless, characterless buffoon who endlessly repeats tired "urban" catchphrases for his corporate masters at Disney/ESPN. What's next, Stu? "Throw ya hands in tha air and wave 'em like ya just don't care"? What year is this?