Day one of the MLB draft is in the books. As part of SoD’s crackdown on worthless posts (who I am kidding?), I have chosen to forgo the annual pilgrimage to the banks of the river of shit that is the draft day grading breakdown. Mostly because this timeless art of speculative ranking is like signing Eric Byrnes to a multi-million dollar long-term deal — it sounds like a good idea at first but in hindsight you just end up looking foolish. Rather than speculating on things about which I have no idea (like out-of-state high school baseball players), I have chosen a more scientific method. This also allows me to debut what I believe to be a mandatory category of evaluation for any draft board: Name Value.

Entering today’s NBA lottery the Suns have a 0.5 percent chance of landing Blake Griffin…er…the number one pick. Yet, they remain optimistic because of the often-cited “Lyle Lovett scores Julia Roberts = anything can happen” mantra. Check out this quote by Alvin Gentry as he heads to the lottery tonight:

I go there with the same hope Lyle Lovett had of marrying Julia Roberts, and he eventually got her.

(Editor’s Note: Derived from an exclamation made by a young lady who felt shunned by a gentleman at a party, this weekly column aims to remind you of some of the things you may have missed.)

Rocket Sauce, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you, I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent; I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together.

Rocket Sauce . . . In his recent soft toss sessionspin control interview with Mike and Mike (one’s an athlete, one’s a dork…and there BOTH named “Mike” — let the hi jinx ensue!), Roger Clemens busted out a new strategy for denying the allegations that he took steroids — he has a family history of heart problems. This new ammunition presumably comes from Clemens’ new PR firm and Roger wasted no time in going to that well early and often. He proceeded to act as if this were the smoking gun, the revelation which would make us all stand up and cheer “INNOCENT!” What’s Rocket’s family history like, you say? Well his brother and his step dad have both had heart problems. Step dad? Take it easy Rocket. Why don’t you sit this next one out, stop talking for a while.