The Dude was weary and unprepared for the Goblin King's sudden appearance. In a flash of blinding light the Goblin King appeared on the ceiling above the Dude. "Thou hast come so far only to fail Dude!", yelled the Goblin King, "you will find out soon that those who defy me will find only their destruction." "Give me a rug to replace the one you destroyed and all this can end Goblin King!" shouted the dude with fire in his eyes, "I know that I am near the end of this infernal maze of yours, soon you will...

have no choice but to face me!" The Goblin King smiled with amusement and said "You have no power here Dude, why do you fight so hard for something as simple as a rug?" The Dude replied "It really tied the room together. Without it my apartment is a shell of it's former glory. I could not call myself a man if I did not seek and confront those who took what is mine. This is your last chance King, give me a replacement rug or I will be forced to destroy you!" Suddenly the Goblin King was filled with wrath and

yelled "Destroy me?! You are an insect and will fall easily against my power! Here is a taste Dude!" The Goblin King waved his hand and lo a bowling ball formed in the air glowing with energy. With a wave of his hand the Goblin King hurled the ball at the Dude with his power. The Dude attempted to dodge the incoming ball but still got clipped on the forehead and was cast to the ground. "Do you still wish to fight Dude? Do you still desire a rug?" chuckled the Goblin King. "Damn you! I will fight to the...

death if necessary to defeat you!" shouted the Dude, "If not for my rug then only to end your reign of evil and terror! The world would be a better place without your existence!" The Goblin King only sighed and said "What will you do Dude? If you even manage to finish the maze you still must face me. You have no power Dude. You will die. Is it really worth it?" "No power you say?" said the Dude with a smirk, "How is this for power?!" The dude reached into his bowling bag and pulled out a golden bowling ball

. The ball was glimmering as though it contained thousands of stars and shone as though it absorbed the very power of sunlight. "The Ball of Yeo'Wan!," shouted the Goblin King in exasperation "but it was destroyed!" "It has been remade!" yelled the Dude, "For many thousands of years this ball was prophesized to be your undoing. Though you destroyed it once here it is whole again." The Goblin King looked upon the ball and suddenly knew fear. "Fine Dude you may have a rug." said the Goblin King "Then you must

leave my kingdom." "This is no longer only about my rug.", said the Dude, "Your people are oppressed and desire freedom. They have reforged the Ball of Yeo'Wan for me so that I may face you. Now I will fulfill their wishes!" The Dude threw the ball with all his might at the Goblin King and the King disappeared just in time with a puff of smoke. The ball smote the ceiling and sundered it to pieces. The castle was made with power of darkness and fell easily to the ball's power. The dude recalled the ball with

a mental command and shouted to the walls "Show me the way to his chambers or I will tear this castle apart!" The stairs on the ceiling and walls slowly shifted and converged forming a single stairway to a ornate archway. The Dude ran quickly before the Goblin King could force his will again upon the castle and came to a large wooden door made with shadow oak and reinforced with dark steel. "You are a fool if you think this can stop me King!" shouted the Dude as he swung the ball at the door. The door burst

asunder with the light of a thousand suns. There in the center of a large chamber filled with pillars was the Castle Heart. It was a large crystal filled with Eternal Darkness the life blood of the Goblin King's castle. Piled against the walls were millions of the most beautiful rugs the Dude had ever seen. They were colored with gold and silver thread and laced with precious gems of unknowable worth. Their woven threads showed images of great battles won and lost, of mythical lands and hidden treasures,

and of peaceful realms full of beauty. The Dude was lost for words as he beheld the treasure and almost wept at the sight of it. How could their be so much beauty in such a dark place?, he wondered. With that thought he was reminded of his quest and turned his eyes back to the Castle Heart and there on a throne of onyx sat the Goblin King. "Here near the Castle Heart I am more powerful then you can imagine Dude." said the King with a wry smile, "You cannot defeat me here." "Then I will destroy the Castle

Heart and take away your power!" yelled the Dude. "If you do that then this place will fall and though you may use that stupid ball of yours to escape these rugs will be destroyed with it." said the Goblin King with a knowing smile, "I have collected these rugs from many worlds, it is a treasure of far greater value then any other. Would you destroy it only to save the people of this world Dude? This is not your world, what do you care what happens to it's people?" The Dude was suddenly tempted and said "

Very well then I will only destroy you!" He called upon the power of the Ball of Yeo'Wan and summoned more bowling balls to float around him and then commanded them to fly at the Goblin King. The King waved his arm and summoned a shield of bowling pins which stopped the attack and then commanded the pins to shoot in the direction of the Dude. The Dude quickly dodged a few with a roll and then waved his ball to summon a shield of light to deflect the rest. He quickly recovered and pushed the Ball of Yeo'Wan

into the palm of his other hand and with a quick incantation he summoned a copy of the ball which appeared in the other hand. With the two golden balls in his hands he yelled and charged at the Goblin King. The King immediately pulled out two dark crystal balls from a compartment in his throne and charged to meet the Dude. They both swung and their balls clashed together filling the chamber with a flash of light and darkness accompanied by a loud bang. They both flew back a little from the force of the...

balls colliding. The Goblin King was the first to recover and swung his right bowling ball into the gut of the Dude. The Dude bent over in pain but managed to block the King's second attack aiming for his head. He then swung his ball into the left arm of the King and knocked the King away from him. The King grunted in pain but continued his assault by swinging both arms in an upward motion at the Dude's chin. The Dude deflected the swing with his left hand bowling ball and swung his right hand at the King

which was also deflected. Both men were filled with ire and sped up their attack. Their battle was a dance of parries and quick movements which could not be seen normal men. Both used feints and complex maneuvers only to be foiled by the prowess of the other. The battle worked it's way near to the Castle Heart and the King swung his left hand in a wide swing and the Dude took advantage thinking he had finally found an opening when the King's ball struck the crystal and a bolt of dark energy leapt out and

struck the Dude in the chest. Suddenly without breath the Dude staggered backwards and looked up in time to see the King's ball smash into his face. The Dude flipped over once in the air and came crashing against a pillar. The pain was almost unbearable as he realized his nose was crushed. His breathing became ragged as blood began to fill his throat and lungs. He waved his arms and summoned several bowling to fly at the King but the King easily deflected them while laughing. "So much for your precious...

prophecy Dude!" He summoned severals balls and sent them flying at the Dude who wearily managed to deflect a few but the one crushed two of his ribs and another cracked his knee cap which made him slump to the floor. "I am not without mercy Dude." said the Goblin King smiling, "Beg for my forgiveness on your knees and I may yet let you leave back to your own world. I'll even give you a rug. You can have the rug made of vermin hair that my orcs use to wipe the horse droppings off their boots." "Damn you and

your false mercy Goblin King!" yelled the Dude with blood running down his face. "False mercy?!" yelled the Goblin King as he swung his ball down and broke the Dude's left leg bringing a yell of anguish from him, "I offer you your life after you damage my castle and destroy my men. I am more merciful then most!" The Dude knew he had enough power to use the ball to flee back to his own world and could yet survive. He considered the option for a moment and then smiled. "What is so funny Dude?!" yelled the...

Goblin King. The dude looked up at the Goblin King with a wide grin and said "You talk too much." With that he summoned all the power he could from the Ball of Yeo'Wan and hurled the ball in his left hand into the legs of the Goblin King. The ball colliding with the King's ankle shattering it in an instant and sent him toppling to the floor. With strength unfathomed the Dude got up on his right leg and stumbled over to the Castle Heart. "No!" yelled the King on the floor his hand outstretched "You will die

as well!" With that the Dude swung the Ball of Yeo'Wan over his head with all of his might and it collided with the Castle Heart which burst open into an explosion of light. The castle exploded with an outpouring of darkness and light and the labyrinth fell as well. The light could be seen for many miles and the people knew what happened and the wept with happiness. Shafts of sunlight pierced the veil of darkness which the Goblin King had summoned over his world. Though blinded by the sudden brightness the

people with their hands over their eyes felt the warmth of it's rays and sang songs of joy and mirth. Once desolate farmlands were soon again flourishing with grains,fruits, and vegetables. The people settled into a life of peace and joy. They never forgot that traveler from another world who came only seeking a rug but instead found them their salvation. His legend was passed on for many ages to come.
The End

Bowie was known as The Thin White Duke in the 70's------ The Thin White Duke, and The Dude--- there's probably a clever comment to be made using thier respective titles, but I'm too lazy to come up with it just now.

Say what you will about the tenets of National Socialism, at least it's an ethos. And it would have cremated a j00 like y00, but we wouldn't have even sprung for a Folgers can cuz you're a filthy downvoter..