[WARNING: I bawled like a baby writing this, so you might need a tissue (or three) while reading it. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. ~Meghan]

This morning I finished the couch to 5k program.

I walked a little way to warm up, then ran 3.1 miles without stopping. It took about 41 minutes, but I finished and I got to walk home with a very big grin on my very red face.

After I showered and cleaned myself up I did something I’ve been meaning to do for almost three years. I’ve delayed this trip because I was scared of the feelings. Scared it would be hard.

But being scared isn’t a good reason to not do something. So I decided that today was the perfect day. It was sunny and mild and I had zero other plans.

First I made a stop at a home improvement store and purchased two flowering plants.

I bought a gardenia bush and a jasmine vine. I love plants that produce flowers with a strong scent.

Left, Gardenia. Right, Jasmine.

I put the plants in the back seat of my car and headed off for the day’s errand: paying my respects to a dear friend.

My friend Patti passed away in 2012 after her second round with cancer. She overcame breast cancer only to have it return as leukemia. Even though she isn’t here anymore, she’s been my constant companion during this journey. She’s never been far from my mind, and I can’t count the number of times I wished she was here so I could talk to her.

With some assistance from the funeral home director I found Patti’s marker. It’s in a lovely place under the shade of a tall pine tree.

I plucked a few flowers from the plants in my car and placed them on Patti’s marker. She loved fresh flowers, and I remember very badly wanting to give her living flowers after she passed away.

Patti’s marker.

I sat beneath Patti’s tree and listened to the birds chirping and singing. It was shaded and quiet and far enough from the road that I didn’t hear cars. It’s an easy place to sit and think.

Sitting beneath Patti’s tree.

I sat out there for a good long time thinking about what I would do with the time I’ve been given.

Sometimes I cried. For Patti. For myself. For anyone who has to go through cancer.

Mostly I thought about the things I wanted to do, but I hadn’t yet because they sounded scary or hard. I promised myself I would find a way to make them happen.

After a while I felt it was time to go. As I drove home I inhaled the scent of the jasmine and gardenia plants, and I thought Patti would like them.