“Stranger
danger” — the phrase is so pervasive in our culture it has become part
of the lexicon. The media and other professionals often use this phrase
as a slogan to try to educate children about how to avoid dangerous
situations and individuals. When well-intentioned professionals and
parents/guardians use the phrase “stranger danger” it may mistakenly
convey only strangers harm children. The message of “never talk to
strangers” does not fully educate children about how to stay safer.

What
does “stranger danger” really mean, and do children benefit from an
outdated and misleading message? Here’s what we have learned about the
“stranger-danger” concept.

■ Children don’t get it

■ Adults don’t practice it

■ Children need to know how to recognize and avoid potentially dangerous situations

■ Adults need to know risks to children are greater from someone they know

This
is why the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children®
(NCMEC) does not support the “stranger- danger” message. The majority of
cases have shown most children are not taken by a stranger, but rather
are abducted by someone they know.

When
questioned, children will often describe a “stranger” as someone who is
“ugly or mean.” They do not perceive attractive or friendly people as
“strangers.” If someone talks to a child or is even around a child more
than once, that person may lose his or her “stranger” status to the
child. The child may then think he or she “knows” that person. Children
also want to be helpful, thrive on adult approval, and respond to adult
authority. So if someone with ill intent asks a child to perform a task
or tells a child something has happened to a loved one, there is a good
chance the child may be tricked into going with that person.

The
“stranger-danger” message becomes even more confusing for children
because they may not be able to tell by looking at someone whether that
individual is “good” or “bad.” Wouldn’t it be great if we could simply
recognize and point out the “bad” people to our children? Adults often
break the rule of “don’t talk to strangers” in a number of different
situations. Adults, however, have the benefit of experience, judgment,
and decision- making skills. Children do not. And even adults, at times,
may miss-perceive potential dangers. So if we are not always able to
identify “bad” people, we certainly cannot expect our children to be
able to do so.

Children
need to be empowered with positive messages and safety skills that will
not only build their self- esteem and self-confidence but also help
keep them safer. Children need to learn how to recognize and avoid
potentially dangerous situations. If they become involved in a dangerous
situation, children need to learn effective steps they can take to
remove themselves from the situation. Children do not need to be told
the world is a scary place. They see it through a variety of media, hear
it from adults, or may even personally experience violence. Children
need to know their parents, guardians, or other trusted adults — people
whom the parents/ guardians have come to rely on and with whom they and
their children feel comfortable — are there for them if they are in
trouble. Children also need to know the majority of adults in their
lives are good people.

When
we tell children to “never talk to strangers,” we have effectively
eliminated a key source of help for them. If they are lost they may be
surrounded by many rescuers who could help them. If children perceive
these people as “strangers,” they may not speak or reach out to them.
There have been cases in which a child’s rescue was delayed because the
lost child was afraid to call out to the “strangers” when rescuers were
nearby. Parents and guardians cannot be with their children every second
of the day. We need to give our children “safety nets,” the plans and
people you’ve put in place to contact so your children know there is
always someone available to help them. These individuals may include
uniformed law-enforcement or security officers and store/business
personnel wearing name-tags.

The
safety messages need to be tailored to specific circumstances, such as
being lost outside. Parents and guardians should teach children to

■
Stay put and not wander away from where they first became lost. Staying
where they are increases children’s chances of being found unless that
place becomes too dangerous because of severe weather or another
potentially threatening situation. In that case children need to go to
the nearest safe spot and wait for rescuers.

■
Make noise either by yelling, blowing a whistle, or attracting
attention in some other way. This may help bring someone to their
rescue.

Parents
and guardians should make child safety part of a child’s everyday life
in a reassuring way by practicing these skills. Whether it is checking
first with a trusted adult, taking a friend, or avoiding and getting out
of potentially dangerous situations, there are easy “what-if” scenarios
you may practice with your children to make sure they understand and
“get it.” Make outings to a mall or the park a “teachable moment” to
make sure your children understand the safety messages and are able to
use them in real-life situations. Children will begin to learn what to
do if they become lost or are in danger by practicing these “what-if”
scenarios with you on a regular basis. You can also use these
opportunities to reassure your children you are there for them, and
remind them there are other people who also are able to help them.

NCMEC
believes it is time for everyone to retire use of the “stranger-danger”
message. By realizing child safety is much more than a slogan, we can
then arm our children with relevant, age-appropriate messages to help
empower and protect them from potentially dangerous situations. Having
strong parental, guardian, and caregiver supervision and attention is
vital to keeping our children safer.For more information about child-safety topics, visit our website at www.missingkids.com or contact us at 1-800-THE-LOST® (1-800-843-5678).

This
project was supported by Grant No. 2011-MC-CX-K001 awarded by the
Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, Office of Justice
Programs, U.S. Department of Justice. Points of view or opinions in
this document are those of the author and do not necessarily represent
the official position or policies of the U.S. Department of Justice.
National Center for Missing & Exploited Children® and
1-800-THE-LOST® are registered trademarks of the National Center for
Missing & Exploited Children. NCMEC Order PDF-10A.