About Me

Known principally for his weekly political columns and his commentaries on radio and television, Chris Trotter has spent most of his adult life either engaging in or writing about politics. He was the founding editor of The New Zealand Political Review (1992-2005) and in 2007 authored No Left Turn, a political history of New Zealand. Living in Auckland with his wife and daughter, Chris describes himself as an “Old New Zealander” – i.e. someone who remembers what the country was like before Rogernomics. He has created this blog as an archive for his published work and an outlet for his more elegiac musings. It takes its name from Bowalley Road, which runs past the North Otago farm where he spent the first nine years of his life. Enjoy.

Bowalley Road Rules

The blogosphere tends to be a very noisy, and all-too-often a very abusive, place. I intend Bowalley Road to be a much quieter, and certainly a more respectful, place.So, if you wish your comments to survive the moderation process, you will have to follow the Bowalley Road Rules.These are based on two very simple principles:Courtesy and Respect.Comments which are defamatory, vituperative, snide or hurtful will be removed, and the commentators responsible permanently banned.Anonymous comments will not be published. Real names are preferred. If this is not possible, however, commentators are asked to use a consistent pseudonym.Comments which are thoughtful, witty, creative and stimulating will be most welcome, becoming a permanent part of the Bowalley Road discourse.However, I do add this warning. If the blog seems in danger of being over-run by the usual far-Right suspects, I reserve the right to simply disable the Comments function, and will keep it that way until the perpetrators find somewhere more appropriate to vent their collective spleen.

Followers

Friday, 6 January 2017

Plugging Away.

FROM: Extortium Public Relations Ltd

TO: The Right Hon. Bill English,
Prime Minister.

RE:Getting Through 2017

THINK OF YOUR GOVERNMENT, Prime Minister, as a rubber ducky
floating in a bath from which someone (and we all know who) has just removed
the plug. The bath is very full, so it will take some time to empty. But, high
and dry your rubber ducky will be, Prime Minister, if you do not find some
means of either replacing the plug, or refilling the bath.

Replacing the plug will be tricky – but not impossible.
Essentially, Prime Minister, you need to come up with a political persona packing
the same stopping power as your predecessor’s “cheerful chappy with $60 million
in the bank and happy to leave it at that” routine. We’re not about to suggest
that you march around the Beehive balcony blowing your own trumpet like poor
old Geoffrey Palmer, but we’d be failing in our duty if we let you go on
thinking that National’s rubber ducky is going to be saved by all that
“Southern Man” shtick.

A quick stocktake of your political assets shows you to be
intelligent (your enemies even accuse you of being an intellectual!)
hard-working, effective, and capable of projecting a steely determination to
achieve your stated goals. These are all essential qualities in a leader, so
it’s good that you’ve got them. The $64,000 question (which is, by the way, the
exact total of Extortium’s latest invoice) is how to turn these assets into a
plug.

You said something a while back about the size of New
Zealand’s prison roll being both a “moral and fiscal failure”. That was good –
very good. Not quite up there with Tony Blair’s “tough on crime, tough on the
causes of crime” soundbite – but close. We can work with that.

One of the problems with your predecessor’s persona was that
it was a little light in the moral weight department. How did you put it in
that North & South article?
Something about John “skipping from cloud to cloud”? Coming after the rather
dour and schoolmarm-ish Helen Clark, this lack of gravitas didn’t really matter
(in fact it was an advantage) but after eight years, John’s “What, me worry?”
act, was wearing a little thin.

We’re entering the Age of Trump, Prime Minister, when
leaders who know the difference between right and wrong, truth and falsehood,
wisdom and foolishness are about to go over extra bigly (as the new president
might say) with the voters.

That’s the beauty of your “moral and fiscal failure” line.
It’s such a canny mixture of heart and head. What’s more, it also plays, in a
very positive way, to your strong Catholic faith. Plenty of people will have
told you that this is a political negative that should be played down as much
as possible. But, we at Extortium don’t see it like that at all. We look at the
global response to the ministry of Pope Francis I; at his enormous cross-over
appeal; and cannot see any reason why we shouldn’t be able to get some of that
love, mercy and humility vibe working in your favour.

Heart and head, Prime Minister, heart and head. Don’t be
afraid to quote scripture (or poetry) in relation to the dreadful condition of
the poor. But, at the same time, don’t let your opponents get away with making
all kinds of promises that they can’t possibly keep. Play up this “social
investment” idea of yours for all its worth. National Party voters generally
resent seeing their taxes spent on people they regard as wastrels and crooks,
so the idea of spotting “vulnerable children” early and steering them towards a
more taxpayer-friendly future is pure electoral gold.

It’s the same with prisons, Prime Minister. Portray
comprehensive rehabilitation of prisoners as both the right thing to do, and a
way of saving money – lots of money – and you’ll not only keep the
conservatives on board, but also the liberals. Voters like their politicians to
be both caring and cautious. They want a leader whose a spendthrift with love
and kindness, and a tightwad with their taxes.

Pull that off, Prime Minister, and National’s rubber ducky
will never hit the bottom.

Alternatively, you could keep her bobbing happily about by
lavishing generous tax-cuts on us all.

This essay was
originally published in The Waikato Times, The Taranaki Daily News, The
Timaru Herald, The Otago Daily Times and The Greymouth Star of Friday, 30 December 2016.

10 comments:

"We’re entering the Age of Trump, Prime Minister, when leaders who know the difference between right and wrong, truth and falsehood, wisdom and foolishness are about to go over extra bigly (as the new president might say) with the voters."

Nah! All that's happened is that cerebral bastards are being replaced by visceral hyper-bastards. It hasn't yet happened in New Zealand. But it will.

You don't win el;actions on prison reform. While it is a good thing for govt to do, the prime focus in elections is the concerns of voters. Which will be housing, jobs and general economic well being. On the latter two the govt is in a good space. But a lot more work to be done in housing.

To depart from the moral vaccuum of the Key style, English could fashion his government into that of 'compassionate conservatives' and make social progress in New Zealand ie address housing, homelessness, poverty etc

Bushbaptist, you are possibly correct, but I'm a bit beyond joking about compassionate conservatism at the moment. They have become horrific in their mean spiritedness and blame culture. You can't actually have a discussion with them anymore. I've tried posting quite respectful comments on one or two right-wing websites, only to be banned, blocked or piled on with such vindictive abuse that it's not worth the bother. The problem is that they tend to live in their own little bubble these days. They never come into contact with the working class, they frequent the same news sites, and it seems to be a feedback loop that makes them more and more twisted. So fuck 'em.

These twin advice pieces are very good indeed Chris.On Labour and the Greens you know I see the latter as a kind of slimy toxic algal infestation, much like Lake Forsyth on Banks peninsula but less natural (not from dairy in this case but you bet the Greens will lie and say it is).I have warned for years now that Labour should beware and indeed target the Greens. The easiest way to do this is to show how hugely unsuccessful they have been. A complete waste of space and our money there in parliament. And internationally all they have done is block nuclear power so we burn more coal than ever, destroying the climate. Greens cause AGW!

If you want environmental change join the Labour Party if you are Left or National if you are Right and get active within. And for the Left, the Greens could easily do a deal with National one day (out of desperation by both) so why Labour would cosy up to them .... sigh.As for your advice to English. Spot on with that phrase of yours, very clever: ‘….a leader who’s a spendthrift with love and kindness, and a tightwad with their taxes.’ That’s a winner.

Agreed GS. Thee was an element of droll humour in my earlier comment. To use the term "Compassionate Conservative" is an oxymoron.

Our problem is that the main parties are really one party with two branches. One a tiny bit more compassionate than the other. I have stated often that what we need is two main political parties who are polar opposites, that way people have a genuine choice instead of the Tweedledee/Tweedledum that we have now.