January 31, 2007

Welcome to the first installment of another series I will probably never continue after this initial post. That's right, Better Know A Ballplayer!

First up, Burlington Bees pitcher Daniel Cortes.

Cortes was acquired along with Tyler Lumsden last July in a trade that sent closer Mike MacDougal to the Chicago White Sox.

This was one move in a long list that Dayton Moore made to add pitching depth to the porous Royals minor league system.

Cortes has been rated pretty highly by guys who rate that sort of thing. He's got a fastball, curve and slider, decent presence on the mound for a young guy, and the make-up of a potential power pitcher.

But the thing people in baseball seem to love about Cortes has little to do with his fastball or curve or slider (in fact, the first thing the Royals did was tell Cortes he wasn't allowed to throw a slider ever again).

It isn't his intelligence or acumen on the mound.

And sure, all signs point to an increase in velocity and control, but honestly, that's not why scouts like him either.

Really, what gets baseball people all hot and bothered about Daniel Cortes is that he's only 19.

Scouts and naive women love a challenge. In each of these scenarios, probably 9 out of 10 raw pitchers (or fat drunk losers) don't wind up being stars (or guys willing to pay child support).

But, there's always that one guy.

And the Royals are hoping Cortes can be that guy.

(My lady friend is also hoping I can be that guy.)

Now Cortes wasn't spectacular in 35 innings with Burlington last year, sporting a FatElvys-like 6.69 ERA, but he did strike out almost twice as many as he walked. He'll probably move up to Wilmington this year and we'll know a little more then. But honestly, he's a long ways from playing in the pros.

Alright, now that the background info is out of the way, let's have some fun.

Let's get to know Daniel Cortes through a sampling of photos from his personal MySpace page.

See Daniel:

See Daniel taking multiple pictures of himself in the mirror:

See Daniel pull an ollie on his skateboard while wearing a vulgar t-shirt:

January 18, 2007

VOTE THUNDER CHICKENSThe Wichita Wranglers are moving to Springdale, Arkansas (the headquarters of Tyson Chicken), for the 2008 season.VOTE THUNDER CHICKENSBut they won't be the Springdale Wranglers. Instead, the public will vote from a list of possible names.VOTE THUNDER CHICKENSHere are the choices:VOTE THUNDER CHICKENSSpringdale AnglersSpringdale BassSpringdale HighlandersSpringdale MonarchsSpringdale NaturalsSpringdale Ridge RunnersSpringdale Thunder ChickensVOTE THUNDER CHICKENSObviously, each name has it's positives.

Obviously, you are allowed your own opinion and I can't make you vote for Thunder Chickens, but I promise you, if that name loses, we all lose...VOTE THUNDER CHICKENSYou don't really want to cheer for a team called the Anglers do you? You couldn't feel proud wearing a Springdale Bass hat, could you? You don't want to endure "I'm Duncan McLeod of the Clan McLeod" jokes for the rest of your life, do you? Don't even get me started on the Naturals and Ridge Runners.VOTE THUNDER CHICKENSSo go vote, already.VOTE THUNDER CHICKENSAnd make the right choice.VOTE THUNDER CHICKENSGo Thunder Chickens! You're the Best!

Meaning the countdown to the Royals' return to glory begins soon. Well, I guess it began last year with the hiring of Dayton Moore. Or the firing of Allard Baird. Or however you want to look at it.

Honestly, it probably won't really begin until this guy:

is gone.

In case you can't tell, that's your favorite Rookie of the Year flameout and mine, Angel Berroa. Playing in the snow. With more energy than I've ever seen him have on the ballfield.

Moore may be trying to hasten Berroa's departure with his latest signing, the formerly retired Alex "S" Gonzalez. Honestly, if anyone can do anything to help me tell all of the Alex Gonzalez's apart, I'll be eternally grateful. That goes double for all of the Dee Browns.

Fraught with typos, gigantic images, dead links and even a hilarious poll, this may be the reason the Internet was invented. Go ahead. Do yourself a favor. Have a look around. Have some laughs. And get to know our newest, absolutely hottest Royal.