Ulashish:

:

Yuklab olish:

Saqlab olish:

I'm gonna burn down the room of my abusive exfather I'm gonna burn down the room of the sexual abuse I've been through one of the rooms I'm gonna burn down is being told i would never be anything and no-one will love me I'm clean my mind of all my anxiety, trust , and abandonment issues

You only need depend on one person in life, yourself. I have experienced things that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I am wise among my years. Life has taught me lessons that I hope nobody has to learn. My best advice is to never open up to anyone. All it will do is give them ammo to use against you at a later date. I don't date cause I just feel like I am just unable to anymore. Just been swept under the rug and forgotten. Yeah, I got myself. All I ever had, all I ever need.

Broken both legs when I was a little girl, moved to a new school to be called a cripple, started dancing to perfect them, the love of my life caused their physical abuse to corrupt my soul but now I strive everyday to keep it pure, But never again will I trust the words starting with I'm in love with you without fearing first their destruction, losing my mom was the most painful of them all, she was my rock and I still needed her light, without her I feel so lost. God has given me so much knowledge and understanding through my tragidy and pain that oddly enough I found a blessing by helping others find their light, like my mom had done for me. I still suffer from PTSD and it is a burden to fear my own emotions it's something I pray to overcome. Tragedy has also caused me to become scared to let people in and it caused me to shut my loved ones out.. kinda strange and creepily too familiar how this song was to me....but it was missing a few of my tragedies. I wish I could talk to the person this song was about. I have so many questions.

Insidious is blind inception What's reality with all these questions? Feels like I missed my alarm and slept in (slept in) Broken legs but I chase perfection These walls are my blank expression My mind is a home I'm trapped in And it's lonely inside this mansion Yo, my mind is a house with walls covered in lyrics, they're all over the place There's songs in the mirrors written all over the floors, all over the chairs And you get the uncut version of life when I go downstairs That's where I write when I'm in a bad place and need to release And let out the version of NF you don't want to see I put holes in the walls with both of my fists 'til they bleed You might get a glimpse of how I cope with all this anger in me Physically abused, now that's the room that I don't want to be in That picture ain't blurry at all, I just don't want to see it And these walls ain't blank, I just think I don't want to see 'em But why not? I'm in here, so I might as well read 'em I gotta thank you for this anger that I carry around Wish I could take a match and burn this whole room to the ground Matter of fact I think I'ma burn this room right now So now this memory for some reason just won't come down You used to put me in the corner, so you could see the fear in my eyes Then took me downstairs and beat me 'til I screamed and I cried Congratulations, you'll always have a room in my mind But I'ma keep the door shut and lock the lyrics inside Insidious is blind inception What's reality with all these questions? Feels like I missed my alarm and slept in (slept in) And slept in Broken legs but I chase perfection These walls are my blank expression My mind is a home I'm trapped in And it's lonely inside this mansion Inside this mansion Yo my mind is a house with walls covered in pain See, my problem is I don't fix things, I just try to repaint Cover em up, like it never happened Say I wish I could change, are you confused? Come upstairs and I'll show you what I mean This room's full of regrets, just keeps getting fuller it seems The moment I walk in to it is the same moment that I wanna leave I get sick to my stomach every time I look at these things But it's hard to look past when this is the room where I sleep I look around, one of the worst things I wrote on these walls Was the moment I realized that I was losing my mom And one of the first things I wrote was I wish I would have called But I should just stop now, we ain't got enough room in this song And I regret the fact that I struggled trying to find who I am And I lie to myself and say I do the best that I can Shrug it off like it ain't nothing like it’s out of my hands Then get ticked off whenever I see it affecting my plans And I regret watching these trust issues eat me alive And at the rate I'm going they'll probably still be there when I die Congratulations, you'll always have a room in my mind The question is, will I ever clean the walls off in time? Insidious is blind inception What's reality with all these questions? Feels like I missed my alarm and slept in (slept in) And slept in Broken legs but I chase perfection These walls are my blank expression My mind is a home I'm trapped in And it's lonely inside this mansion Inside this mansion So this part of my house, no one's been in it for years I built the safe room and I don't let no one in there 'Cause if I do, there's a chance that they might disappear and not come back And I admit I am emotionally scared to let anyone inside So I just leave my doors locked You might get other doors to open up but this door's not 'Cause I don't want you to have the opportunity to hurt me And I'll be the only person that I can blame when you desert me I'm barricaded inside so stop watching I'm not coming to the door so stop knocking, stop knocking I'm trapped here, God keeps saying I'm not locked in I chose this, I am lost in my own conscience I know that shutting the wall down ain't solving the problem But I didn't build this house because I thought it would solve ´em I built it because I thought that it was safer in there But it's not, I'm not the only thing that's living in here Fear came to my house years ago, I let him in Maybe that's the problem 'cause I've been dealing with this ever since I thought that he would leave, but it's obvious he never did He must have picked the room and got comfortable and settled in Now I'm in the position it's either sit here and let him win Or put him back outside where he came from, but I never can 'Cause in order to do that I'd have to open the doors Is that me or the fear talking? I don't know anymore Lonely (lonely) it's lonely Oh yeah, it's lonely Inside this mansion

A "friend" just sent me this link.. she was one of my best friends wife. He passed away and she got a boyfriend not 4 months after. I unfriended her bc that felt super disrespectful, I loved him like my brother. Why would she send this to me? Is she trying to tell me he abused her? And why of ALL her close friends would she send it to me? One who was rarely around?

Mom: Sweetie, what are you listening to? Me: NF Mom: Sweetie, that’s not okay. NF is violent rap. Me: No it’s not mom. Mom: then what is it Me: Much better then the super expensive therapist you hired that doesn’t help me at all. And it’s free. It’s my mind, explained and put into words. It’s my pain, taken away temporarily while listening to this . Mom:... Me: This isn’t violent rap mom, this is free healing

So many bands for the me people see, yet nf speaks perfectly for my mind and I'm shocked how much I relate to these songs. I respect him, but I hate being alone and with people, sucks that there is no in between.

"And I regret the fact that I struggled to find who I am, and I lie to myself and say I do the best that I can. Shrug it off like it ain't nothing like it's out of my hands, then get ticked off when I see it affecting my plans"

Whenever i talk about NFs music to my mom and how often i listen to it, she says, "I hate rap, its not music, its just talking" and i usually answer with a glare or whatever, but last week i was incredibly disappointed in myself and crying on the bathroom floor, and the only way i could stop was by blasting his music, and it started to calm me down. My mom came to the door and yelled over the music "Turn that crap down. Its violent and you need to listen to christian music." I opened the door, angry at myself and everyone else, and looked at her and said "Why. Whats your reason." And she said "because rap, its..." "Its what? Violent? A sin?" "Yeah, its just... rap isnt music." And i looked at her and said, "This isnt rap." "What is it, then? Its talking into a microphone and calling it music" "I'll tell you what it is, mom. Its *real* music. Not that f*cked up mumble rapping that everybody loves. *real* music has a story" And then i shut the door.