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Sunday, October 25, 2009

Didn't know where to start, so i figured I'd just say hey. It's certainly been a whiled since we've talked and even longer since we've seen each other but a lot of people tell me you're watching over me, and for the most part i believe it. So just in case you don't know, Nikki is doing well, I'm sure she could argue that she would be doing much better if you were still here and i wouldn't blame her. Mom is doing well, she's really strong dad. She fights through every situation like a soldier, she finds a way to make it all work, and i know she didn't think she'd make it this far when you passed. We were all so lost as to how we went on from that moment, and although i was ripped apart inside, I've been trying harder and harder to stay focused, and mom has really held it down so well since you've been gone. You'd really be proud of her. The doctors diagnosed her with Multiple sclerosis and i can't lie dad i really thought the Lord was playing a cruel joke and he was going to take her from me to, and i couldn't even think straight for days, so i just buried myself deeper and deeper into my work, i think i got that from you. But it looks like she'll be OK, and I thank God for that.

There's been so much to happen, and i want to tell you all of it but i wont talk your ear off, cause i know you're probably up there working! hehe :) I get it now, really i do. When you were hear i never understood why you worked so hard, i mean i knew we needed the money, but that didn't seem like it was your focus. You'd work on cars all day and all night if you could, then come home with oil and grease under your fingernails, in your nose and ears, it was crazy! But i honestly get it now. I'm a photographer now and I think i love that as much as you loved fixing cars. Its almost my escape from any and everything, as well as where I go when I'm already happy. I remember when mom use to give you a hard time about working all the time, often it seemed like you didn't have time for much else, because you were so focused. That is me now. Even as I type this letter to you, I'm realizing how much of me is you. You can't believe how excited I am at this very moment. I've been so sad that unlike most other fathers you WERE there dad but taken away to soon. Yes you were there to help raise, instill morals and values, teach respect, but you were taken away before you could really teach me all the lessons i felt that i needed to become a man. But now things are becoming more clear, maybe a lot of those things you instilled in me, before you passed i just didn't know how to use them, so they've laid dormant until I was smart enough to apply them! I'm glad to know that your listening because you've been gone for over five years and I think that's the first time that's ever clicked to me. I wanted to take credit for the life lessons I've learned, and understanding how to deal with those things, but both you and mom have instilled so much in me, i can't wait until tomorrow, to see whats next.

We'll I've got so much more to tell you but I'll tell you later today...i think this is good for right now...hope when you read this you smile! You were a great man dad, and you left behind a young man that refuses to let you down!