Needy and nausea. So very needy for hugs and attention and in nausea hell. I have been very needy this week. Feeling so crap and poorly wasn’t really what I expected or prepared for so it has been a bit of surprise and a few extra cuddles make it that little bit easier.

Nausea has been so so so so so so so bad. Get it? Let me tell you this, I feel sick every second of the day. It’s got so bad I am hardly eating and lost 6 pounds in a week. Plain foods like pasta, bread and potatoes is all I can eat *just about* – anything with a rich sauce, seasoning or a strong smell makes my stomach do somersaults. I can’t open the fridge without wanting to be sick everywhere and the smell of food, any food, turns my stomach. It’s so difficult trying to eat the right amount of food when I can’t even stand the smell of it, let alone try eating it. My husband has been AMAZING. Absolutely amazing. For the first time in 13 years, he has done everything – the cooking, food shopping and cleaning. He’s trying to help the nausea by buying me all these different things. He got me protein bars to try give me some energy and fresh ginger for tea, neither worked but the thought is there.

The cramps are actually not so bad this week which is a good sign, I think. I had an early scan at 5 weeks 6 days and my ovaries are still, in the words of the midwife, bulky. Bulky ovaries. Although I had symptoms of OHSS, as I had hardly any eggs I didn’t think I’d get it but it’s there, albeit mild. I’m hoping I start to feel better soon and my bloated tummy goes away – and comes back with a baby bump! The funny thing is, I thought my rather larger tummy was the start of a baby bump (at 5-6 weeks looooool) but it’s my bulky ovaries from IVF.

In terms of the fatigue, I actually googled ‘feeling like a zombie pregnant’ the other day to check this level of fatigue is normal. You would not believe the amount of posts where women actually used the words ‘feel like a zombie’ when talking about their pregnancy!

I feel so guilty for moaning about feeling shit after we wanted this baby for such a long time but my gosh, I was not prepared for it. This week has fell over the Easter weekend and I spent the whole time in bed poorly. In fact, I’ve pretty much spent the past 7-10 days in bed. But I’ve worked from bed and had meetings over Skype at my dining room table. I’ve not stopped working, even through IVF, and now my body is so weak I just have to take a few days off. It’s hard not being able to tell people I work with why I am taking time away from the office and why I need to work from home so much. I guess it’s that common question, when do you start telling people about your pregnancy? There is no right time but I personally would prefer to wait as long as possible.

While I’ve been feeling so crap, Netflix has been my friend. I’ve got through 4 seasons of Orphan Black! I’ve also taken to updating my baby board on Pinterest with everything and anything. It’s keeping me positive during this difficult first trimester! Well, that’s an exaggeration, it’s not ‘difficult’ as such but it definitely hasn’t been easy. I’m hoping in a week or two the nausea will stop – I miss marmite!