"There was an old De Havilland Beaver sitting at the dock, and a man climbing out of it." Wait, what's a Beaver? Okay, I looked it up, and apparently it's a seaplane. It's fine if you want to include the exact model, just make sure you include a bit of description so us normal folks can tell what it is without pulling up google images. And besides, what color is it? What condition is it in? ('old' doesn't really help much.)

"I glanced up and saw the hill he was referring to." What's it look like? She calls it a mountain, there's some mention of a plane crashed on it, then she calls it a hill. Gahh! I'm confused, is it a hill or a mountain? And is there an old plane wreck on it or something?

And you probably knew this was coming, but... the body. Hey, I just want to know what she's wearing, 'cause you don't mention it. I'm imagining her naked, for some reason. But she could just as easily be wearing prostitute clothes or whatever.

Other than that, loved it. Ira and Eddie are so cute together. :) Damn you, did you name the plane 'Beaver' just to throw me off? 'Cause every time that name showed up, I thought about... beavers, and not the brown furred kind with large teeth. Ugh.

Hey, I have an Intensity. It's bright metallic blue and useless for anything other than texting or calling.

Oh snap, he took Asia!

"The house was built to look like a small castle, entirely out of stone blocks that were a dark depressing gray. The whole place looked depressing or spooky." Reptition of depressing is repetitive.

The rest of the paragraph describing the house is a little rough. You include some nice details, but you expand each detail into multiple unnecessary sentences. The wall, for example - "Then there was the wall. The wall kept me from seeing more of the lawn and more details of the house. The wall was made of the same stone blocks as the house and the small outbuildings on the island. There was an enormous wooden gate for entry." I can't help but read those four sentences in a monotone. C'mon, you could fit all that into one sentence if you wanted. 'Then there was the wall made of that same stone, tall enough to block most of the estate from view, with an enormous wooden gate for entry, .' You sacrifice a couple minor details, but it's worth the cut from 48 words to 26.

The Greenville I know is somewhere off in rural Ohio, not sure exactly where. Only driven through it once or twice.

Gawsh, Brookland accents are so hot.

For some reason I really like the detail about the wolfhound and Swain offering to pay for it. It seems like there are a lot of people I've had similar experiences with - it's like accepting help from a creepily nice person will bind them to you forever. Almost like inviting a vampire into your house 'cause they're selling girl scout cookies. No, don't ask where that simile came from.

Lovely chapter. Usually I hate the witty banter writers try to throw in, but the exchange between Eddie and Bart sounded very original.

Ira? Is that a guy's name? Duuude... I've never heard that before. But he sounds hot. Shall we see a love triangle in the next chapters? If you can even call Bart a love interest.

Ugh, I feel like I should be critiquing something in this chapter... Uh, here's a typo: "I decided to grab some Levi's to wear so that my legging wouldn't look odd with the shoes and we were off." Ha! Missed an S. I feel hat my usefulness quota has been fulfilled for this chapter.

LOL. That moose moment is absolutely priceless. I kinda wanted to see some snesory detail to really bring it to life, though - did that goatee tickle her forehead? What did the tongue feel and smell like (death, we learn later) against her face? :D

"It came to my window which was up because..." Eh... You mean down? From the rest of the scene, the window seems wide open.

Congrats, you've cured me of the desire to own a sportscar. Oh, and I drove through a town called Greenville today. It was small and cute, but unfortunately it wasn't in Maine.

Damn you. Now I want a hamburger. No! You already had dinner, remember?

See, now the pacing in this chapter is perfect. It's like taking a stroll with delicious hamburgers and moose. And hamburgers. Betsy acts just like the waitresses in diners that I've met - everybody is miss or sweetie or honey.

The evil-guy-pays-for-dinner move was great for suspense. But poor Phillip sounds like he needs a day off. :(

So... hi there! Due to a packed schedule and maybe a little laziness, I haven't reviewed any stories in, like, two weeks. Forgive me if repeat what I've said in other reviews, get really confused, or spontaniously forget the name and gender of your main character.

Third paragraph - starting with the third sentence, you start five consecutive sentences with 'I'. 'I was wishing', 'I was trying', 'I took', 'I remembered', and 'I think'. All five of these sentences are also pretty short, so that bit is just a little repetitive sounding and hard to read.

This whole chapter sounded pretty rushed, like you were trying to cram a bunch of information into just one chapter. Which you were, I guess. You summarized a ton of unnecessary information in this chapter, and a lot of it was in very short sentences. You didn't seem want to write about this stuff, so why did you? If you just said she landed in Maine at such and such time with some papers on Swain, nobody would jump down your throat asking if there were TVs on the flight. If you feel the need to skim over information, consider whether it needs a place in the story at all.

I like the part about the handcuffs, and the way she gets so pissed off at the car boy, then winds up realizing he's right.

"I was reduced to driving a hot little sports car in second gear in order to deal with the badness of the road." Of course you were.

Can't say I'm surprised that Helen got herself killed. She's had 'serial killer fodder' written on her forehead since the second chapter. It was a little predictable. And yet, I still think there needed to be more leading up to her death. She didn't seem like it was in her nature to sacrifice herself, I just assumed she was going down because she was the main character's hooker friend. Maybe you could've put more emphasis on her reaction to the case and her anger at Chenille's death.

However, this was exactly what you needed to do to move this story to the next level... Gah. I'm torn. Time for another donut break.

"My mother, Lillian Carrington, was a retired showgirl who'd married well." You established this in the first chapter, you're just repeating yourself here.

Hey, is her father Mark Twain? Watch me make a fool of myself trying and failing to guess the ending...

Ha, her mom is so manipulative. I love your character's reaction. Sorry, can't work on the case, have to go visit my psycho mother in her shrink-wrapped dress. Sometimes family suks.

"Mom suddenly stopped swaying to the music and gaped at me, eyes wide, like she'd seen a ghost." Oh... Am I right? D:

Well... At this point, it looks like they've already found the killer. Do you think that was a little too easy? C'mon, we're only halfway through the story. They shouldn't get it right on the first suspect, I don't think.

"So, I'm looking for a guy who drowned a hooker in the desert that calls himself Mark Twain? Great. I may as well be looking for Batman." That's awesome. My sister is a closet Batman fan.

Helen's an interesting character, but I want to see a little more out of her - she seems smart and classy, and I don't know why she ended up as a hooker. As she is right now, she seems a little too good to be true. I guess we'll see more depth to her in the next chapters?