Mutah marriage, four years full of lies.

My story begins with a man that i have been with for almost 4 years now. We met online and we fell in love quickly, we talked about getting married and having a family from the beginning. He spoke to me about Islam daily, and even now, he has taught me everything i know about Islam. I fell in love with his knowledge day after day and as our relationship evolved, i did too. I decided to start praying and wear hijab, i changed everything about myself and I was proud of the person that i was becoming. A year into our relationship online, he convinced me that we needed to get a Mu'tah (temporary marriage). After we recited a small prayer, he said that we were married. I never thought to question his advice, i just listened and obeyed as i was told. I had suspected nothing of him during our time together until i came across emails and photos of naked women (he had said were just his friends). After i found out that he had been cheating on me our entire relationship, I told him that i wanted to leave him...after i had left back home to my mother, i found out i was pregnant. After some time, he convinced me to forgive him for his infidelity so we could raise our child together, so i did.

Then 7 months into my pregnancy someone close to me had mentioned that Mu'tah was not a marriage accepted in islam anymore, and that with Mu'tah a child is not suppose to be conceived. I broke down, this was the father of my child, i had slept with him, i had moved and changed my whole life to make a new one with him, i had trusted in Allah and i gave up everything i had just to do the right thing for once in my life. Finding out that i was not married meant that everything around me was a LIE!

I confronted him about my concerns and he just told me that he was taught about Mu'tah all his life and that it was allowed in Islam. When i asked him why he had not had a Mu'tah with his previous two wives and why he instead married them in a mosque, he said that he was forced against his will. The conversations and arguments continued for months and all i asked of him was to properly marry me in the mosque. He had made promise after promise to me, he told me that when i have the baby and lose the weight of my pregnancy that we will find a mosque, take beautiful pictures, have a big wedding, invite our families, and go to Hawaii for our honeymoon. Now my baby is almost 5 months old and he still has not asked my hand in marriage. When i asked him two months after my son was born if we were still getting married, he said no. Then i asked him again a few weeks ago and he said that he would marry me after i finish college (so he doesn't have to pay for my schooling). But i told him that if we married in the mosque then he doesn't need to marry me legally in the U.S. and then be obligated to pay for my schooling, yet he still tells me no. Every time i ask about marriage, he makes up another excuse of why he can't marry me. I still have yet to hear a valid reason for why we cant just have a quick 10 min wedding at the mosque. Being rejected so many times has left me speechless and heartbroken. Everyday that i wake up and go to bed, i realize that i am committing a sin by sleeping with a man, being with a man, speaking to a man and having a child with a man who i am legally not married to.

If he loves me and is a Muslim man like he claims to be, then why wont he marry me? why does he refuse to make right out of situation? I have been good to him in every way possible, i don't understand what more it will take for this man to see. We have a child together, this baby needs to be raised in an Islamic home with the right tools to be a good Muslim man when he grows older. What kind of message does he want us sending our son if we break the rules and guidelines of God because his father doesn't feel like following them? i feel he is contradicting everything he says he believes in. I don't see anything good coming out of this relationship unless he takes me to a mosque and makes me his legal wife. I don't know what to tell our son or how to expect Allah to bring mercy on me on the day of judgment with all the horrible things i have done with this man. I have broken every rule being with this man and i feel miserable about it.

I'm starting to think that Allah is trying to teach me a lesson, that he is trying to see if i will give up on Islam for this man or if i will prevail and leave him in order to be a better Muslim and trust that God has better things in store for me.

The hardest thing for me to do is leave...i have spent a majority of my youth with him and he is all i know...we have a son, we have a family, we have a life together..

i thought this man was guiding me to a better place, but instead it seems he left me stranded to figure it all out on my own.

Like this:

Related

It makes me sad to read what you wrote. It's such a bad thing he did and is still doing.

Trust Allah and leave Him.

Without a marriage how can a non mharam man and woman in Islam live under the same roof and sleep together?

I do not need to give advise. Your question itself has the answer. What more can I add? Yes, Allah is testing you if you leave him and continue with Islam or not. Pass this test sister, Insha Allah.

Alhamdulillaah, your mind is made up, it just needs a little push. And that push is repentance to Allah. Repent for the past, feel disgust for what happened, hate what happened between you and him and hate this whole process in which he cheated and fooled you all the time.

You seem to be so much adjustable in your married life from what you say, you seem to be adapting teachings of Islam quickly and your heart Alhamdulillaah is open to the Light of Allah.

Then why remain in this darkness? Teach him a lesson. Tell him on his face: By Allah ! I tried my best to marry you, but everytime you fooled me. If you do not want to marry me now and remain a faithful and kind husband, I do not want to spend a single second of my life with a person who is making me sin more and more and is leading me to the Fire of Hell - Jahannam.

If he changes for the good, and agrees to marry you and fulfill his responsibilities as a kind and faithful husband, Insha Allah, do it.

If he gives more excuses, do not take a second more to leave him.

Trust Allah, He will provide you with everything that you need to live a good Islamic life, Insha Allah.

Enough is Allah as your Wali, enough is Allah as your Nasir.

Trust Allah. If he does not change, find a place to move on and live a life where when you go to sleep, you sleep in peace.

Think other possible options, it is your life and you are facing things and you know best. I am far off and just here to gve advice, it is you who has to do all the hard work. So think well about the situation and choose the best for yourself as per your knowledge and available resources.

I make du'aa to Allah to get you married soon and bless you with comfort from husband and children and make you a pattern for those who ward off evil. Insha Allah.

selam aleykum
i do feel as if i have the answers to my questions and that i just need the push to go through with it.
Today like any other day, was a bad one. He turned my phone off and i dont know if we are breaking up or if he is trying to scare me.
If this is it, i know i have a chance to get away while i still can so thats what my plan is to do now. I hope this doesnt hurt my son in the long run, but i know what i have to do.

Thank you very much for sharing your situation and experience with us, sounds so painful to me that through internet he captured you when you were just 16, it makes my heart shrinks with pain.

No much to say as brother Munib said, you know what to do and seeing the quality of your Heart, Alhamdulillah, you will do it, insha´Allah.

Do you have any close family to support you and your baby while this man reacts if he does? Please, try not to be alone, look for support you will need it, I see your strength but with your little baby you will need someone to hold on, I am sure your family would feel the joy of your newborn, insha´Allah.

May Allah(swt) bring Hope and Guidance to all of us, specially in moments of struggles, insha´Allah.

Selam alykum
i do have a family to go to and currently i live with my mother in her home. since my babys father travels for work, i have always lived with my mother, i just go to see him where ever he may be.

Asslam O Alaikum sister Muamerab,
Sorry about the unfortunate situation you are facing, unfortunately the person who taught you about this beautiful religion hasn't set a good example by himself and still is acting like a coward. Sister, I agree with both the commentators above me and I would like to say that be cautious and keep an eye on his attitude toward other woman as well. Allah knows how many more woman he has this kind of Haram relationships with and is playing with their feelings in the name of religion.
Speak to him one final time in clear terms and tell him that enough is enough. If he doesn't change his attitude and don't make you his wife in halal way then sister, you must leave this man. There is no such concept acceptable by any school of thought in Islam. Though there are scholars who introduced this Mutah marriage concept and it is widely prevalent in some Middle Eastern countries but all major scholars are against it. The reason are simple because it gives men right to fulfil their desires and then leave the woman astaghfirullah. I read an article about it and situation is so worst in some of the countries that these kind of marriages are taking place between Muslim woman and non-Muslim men which it not allowed at all.
A man is allowed to take up to four wives ONLY if he treats them equally and provide for their needs, respect them and look after them. Also, their is no concept of secret marriage (Mutah marriage) and Nikkah cannot be performed on the phone (due to certain reasons some scholars prohibit this). Also sister their is also a lesson in this for you that never trust anyone unless you have proof. I understand that you met this man at a very tender age and he introduced you to Islam but still their are some issues in Islam which are not straight forward and need research and guidance from a third party who is neutral.
As far as your child is concerned sister, I am sorry to tell you that it is difficult for these kind of men to mend their behaviour and become an example for their children and others to follow. I would like to say that he doesn't change whether he takes you as his 3rd wife in halal way or not, remember he is not good to be around your son while he is growing. Also, their are men out their who could marry you and will look after your son as their own and will be a good influence so, don't beg this man to stay.
On a final note sister, whether you stay with this man or not but do warn other people around him (woman) and also inform his family (parents and 2 wives) of his behaviour. Also, make sure that he is not playing around with other woman as these kind of men are very common today regardless of their background, religion, cultural background or status. If you find out any proof of his doughy activities then inform authorities and ask them to keep an eye on his activities so once they have sufficient proof they can lock him up or deport him to his country. Allah (swt) will reward you if you save someone else's life in any possible way, we all deserve to be loved, respected and honoured for who we are.
I hope I have helped and please keep us updated and we will try our best to help you Insha Allah. May Allah (swt) make this path easier for you and help you through these tests in life. (Amin)

Selam aleykum broth Muhammad
i have been celibate and have not had sex with this man for over 3 months. My son and I just came back from a visit to see him and i was very clear that unless he marries me, he will never touch me again. I told him that i have no problem going to see him for the sake of our son, but i will not sleep in the same bed with him and i refuse to have any contact with him other then through our son. He did not like this one bit and again tried very hard to touch me, i still refused. I am not going to be his sex toy anymore. I know what i did was wrong NOW, but at the time i made a mistake i can not take back... though i wish i could.

On my visit i did find out that he was watching porn, and had pictures and videos of other women saved on his laptop. After i confronted him, he said he knows its bad but he cant help it. NOTHING is going to ever change this man. I dont want to keep wasting my time trying to find a way to love him and forgive him when he doesnt take 2 seconds to see if he is hurting me.

i thank you for your guidance, i have taken everything you and all the other commenters have suggested and i know what i need to do.

Walaikum salam sister Muamerab,
Thanks for writing back and I am happy that Masha Allah you are taking all the right steps to improve your life and the life of your son. However sister, I am not sure why you have to go to see him for the sake of your child. I am guessing that he has the custody of the child and if that's the case and this has been agreed between you both then that's fine but ideally, your son should be with you and he should come around to see his son (depends where you live; in most European countries mostly mothers have the custody of their children). But it's fine sister as far as you set the clear rules and guidelines for your husband while you visit your son. Yes, it's OK sister and Insha Allah He (swt) will forgive you as you didn't have any knowledge about these kind of marriages but keep repenting and asking Allah (swt) to give you strength to remain firm and help you in these trying times.
Sister, my doubts were right about his double life but keep away from him and even if he takes you legally as his wife do ask him to sort out all these haram habits; repent to Allah and improve his knowledge and understanding of religion. It is ever more important now since he is a father who is supposed to teach his son about the religion and set a good example by reflecting it in his character and personality or every day life. If he doesn't change sister and you don't get a clear picture (perform Istikhara sister and Insha Allah you will see Allah (swt) will help you) then please move on and find someone who will help you improve in your religion by reading, researching and socialising with the halaqas of sisters with knowledge.
ALSO SISTER, MOST OF US BORN MUSLIMS (INCLUDING ME) HAVE TAKEN RELIGION FOR GRANTED AND WE THINK ITS ENOUGH THAT WE WERE BORN IN A MUSLIM FAMILY. This attitude is not good and healthy, in these times where fitna is everywhere we need to improve our connection with Allah(swt) if we are to fight shaytan and earn his blessing and in the long run to make it to Jannah (which is everyone's dream). So, take this opportunity sister and explore your religion and re-connect with your faith. You will find a lot of links on the main page which will help you Insha Allah.
If you need further help, please write back and Insha Allah we will try to help you. May Allah swt make this easier for you and guide you to what is best for you and your family in this world and hereafter. (Amin)

mutta is bidda its not allowed in islam ..... i know different sects follow it..... but it was made up people its not islamic its totally wrong and going against the teachings of islam its haraam actually ..... we are not in the times of war where you marry slaves temporary as some people say its allowed..... nobody is a slave today unless they want to be.... Allah hates divorce it shakes the arsh of ALLAH so how can mutta be halaal? you say ok we will make mutta knowing you will divorce oneday so u actually planning to divorce planning to shake the arsh of Allah?

From where do you get information that Mut'ah is not allowed today because we do not have wars now? What if there is a war now?

If there is war between Iraq and America, would Iraqi soldiers who are Muslims allowed to do Muta in war fields?

Scholars have many ahadith to Mut'ah and contradictions which they are unable to solve among themselves.

But what is quite clear is Islam demands marriage in honor by paying the amount for mahr and keeping the limits of Allah. Where as Mut'ah or temporary marriage seems more like fun seeking venture to escape responsibilities of husband and wife and deviating from the laws of Allah.

Here is the Qur'an which explains the duty of the father and the mother in so much detail when they have advent of a child, it explains divorce and iddah, it forms a base for a healthy moral society, then what would such practices constitute? If the woman in Mut'ah becomes pregnant? She has to keep no iddaah when released from temporary marriageand if she immediately goes to another man or another one without knowing if she is pregnant, if a child is born to her, who would be called his father? Do you think Islam would permit such practices after laying clear laws for married life as well as divorce?

And sister, who told you Allah's Arsh shakes by divorce?

Please read the below and give some information of what I say to the person from whom you heard it.

Allah Himself shows a way of divorce if terms of peace between husband and wife do not get better.

128. If a woman feareth ill treatment from her husband, or desertion, it is no sin for them twain if they make terms of peace between themselves. Peace is better. But greed hath been made present in the minds (of men). If ye do good and keep from evil, Lo! Allah is ever Informed of what ye do.
129. Ye will not be able to deal equally between (your) wives, however much ye wish (to do so): But turn not altogether away (from one), leaving her as in suspense. If ye do good and keep from evil, lo! Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.
130. But if they separate, Allah will compensate each out of His abundance. Allah is ever All Embracing, All Knowing. (Where does Allah say my arsh shakes when they separate?)

49. O ye who believe! If ye wed believing women and divorce them before ye have touched them, then there is no period that ye should reckon. But content them and release them handsomely. ( Here Allah says a couple can get divorced even when they have not touched each other and a woman does not have to keep the period of iddah - does He say my arsh shakes by divorce?)

Talaaq is an Islamic way to move on from a stagnant marriage in which a man and woman are stuck and Talaaq is a way out of a troubled relationship in the Book of Allah.

129. Now, if they turn away (O Muhammad) say: Allah sufficeth me. There is no God save Him. In Him have I put my trust, and He is Lord of the Tremendous Throne. (Rabbul arshil adhiim) - surah At Tauba.

Allah does not sit on a chair like us which is shaky, so get your mind clear that Allah is the Lord of tremendous throne which means He is unshakable in might, the thrones of Kings on earth have come and gone and toppled, where as Allah the Mighty King, cannot be harmed at all by anything.

Divorce is a way out for us Muslims, for our own good so that we may come out of disturbed married life in the lawful (halaal) way observing guidelines of Allah.

Hence to say " Arsh shakes by divorce" is not right.

Islam has a beautiful system of divorce, full of wisdom, to get two conflicting people out of a wed lock and make life easy for them.

But those who did not like this invented false narrations attributed to the Messenger of Allah (salallaahu alahi wasallam) which is evident to any thinking Muslim and rejected by the Qur'an.

"consort with women in kindness" (4:19) and He said: "And of His signs are this: He created for you helpmeets from yourselves that ye might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Lo, herein indeed are portents for folk who reflect" (30:21). The declaration of divorce is a grave matter indeed, and the Prophet (s) said: "Of permitted matters the most loathesome before Allah is divorce" (abgh`ad al-halal `ind Allah al-talaq). Imam as-Sadiq (as) said: "Allah, Glorified and Exalted, loves the house in which there is a wedding, and he hates the house in which there is a divorce."
Imam as-Sadiq (as) said: "There is nothing Allah has made halal that angers him more than divorce."
From one of the Imams (as): "Marry, and do not get divorced, for divorce shakes the Throne of Allah."1 i have said we are not in the times of war where you marry slaves temporary as some people say its allowed. MEANING that is the excuse people give today ..... yes there is war in todays time but not the war in the past .... today people fight in the past it was jihaad..... in todays time there are so much bombs deaths and hurt that people dont even have time for marriage they too busy hurting...... so dont play that excuse..... Divorce can even, in some cases, be haram. For a man to marry a woman, contract a relationship with her, and then divorce her suddenly for a trifling reason, is an act of oppression against that woman, and all acts of oppression are haram in Islam. To simply dispense with a woman in a foolish fashion is not something countenanced by Islam, and some scholars have given fatwa on this issue. ok now coming to the positive part of divorce say example husband abuses does not support does not satisfy yes there is a way out and that way is khula give him back his mahr money then you divorced sit in iddat three months then you can remarry..... vise versa wife is not obedient wife commits adultery divorce her let her sit in iddat then let her go...... alhmdlh with this there will be peace no abuse no adultery alhmdlh this we all understand..... but if the wife has been good obedient why then do you have to divorce her no and i swear by Allah it is wrong and oppression! i will say again mutta is haraam Narrated 'Ali bin Abi Talib: On the day of Khaibar, Allah's Apostle forbade the Mut'a (i.e. temporary marriage) and the eating of donkey-meat.
Sahih Bukhari, Volume 5, Book 59, Hadith 527
Sahih Bukhari, Volume 7, Book 62, Hadith 50

But who said Mut'ah is for jihaad and not for other wars between Muslims and non Muslims?

Also, I mentioned to you few verses about the Glorious Throne of Allah, which is not shaky, He has given us laws to make our lives easy and if we follow them and divorce, there is no problem at all and we should abstain from even using such mocking words for Allah's Tremendous Throne.

Imam Saadiq may be a respected scholar, but Allah and His revelations have more right to be obeyed and reject statements such as "shaking of Arsh".

The house where marriage take place may turn out to be a place where peace is not achieved and divorce takes place, so why would Allah love or hate a house? I believe He loves those who believe and do good works and He does not love those who disbelieve and do evil. This as simple and repeated in the Qur'an many times.

Sahih hadiths have lot of contradictions among the scholars. They say when Surah Muminoon was revealed, which almost all Sunni and Shia agree was revealed in Makkah, Sahih hadith say by the revelation of the verses:

1. Successful indeed are the believers
2. Who are humble in their prayers,
3. And who shun vain conversation,
4. And who are payers of the poor due;5. And who guard their modesty
6. Save from their wives or the (slaves) that their right hands possess, for then they are not blameworthy,
7. But whoso craveth beyond that, such are transgressors,

So they say at the revelation of these verses Mut'ah was made haraam, now the hadith you quoted of meat of donkeys and Mut'ah being haraam at expedition of Khyber and other hadith which say conquest of Makkah, they are in clear contradiction because these expeditions were after the Migration or Hijrah to Madinah. If Mut'ah was declared haraam when Surah Muminoon was revealed then the hadith of Sahih in Kyber and Fath' Makkah contradict previous hadiths.

The point is, we do not need hadith at all to prove Mut'ah is right or wrong. The pratice of Mut'ah and its laws made by people are not in accordance with the marriage and divorce rules of the Qur'an and so Muslims should marry and divorce in the way which Allah prescribes.

for gods sake what dont u understand mutta is haraam and i dont agree with it i said concerning about war cause thats what ppl believe and say not me. and in those days ppl did mutta in jihaad times but later the prophet s.a.w forbade it so now its haraam

I did not know much about islam when we did mutah. I was born into a muslim family, but i never learned about islam and no one ever taught me about it. when i met this man, he knew more about islam than i could ever dream. so when he told me about this fake marriage, i thought he knew what he was talking about.
i made a mistake, but ive learned that it is forbidden....and i cant take back what i did, but i can repent and ask that i never get deceived like this again.

Asslam O Alaikum.
Sister i can relate to your situation.....and me too i need advice to all our Muslim sister....
i want to make sure about my marriage also the same like you, i meet a Muslim Man at first he told me that he is a married man im a Catholic before i meet him but i started to study islam in AL Dawah Center i just finished my course on that our relationship begun by friendship for 2 years we just eat and going outside.For two years of friendship we keep on talking about his his wife his son and he revealed me a harsh story that he never love his wife anymore since before he meet me so i did not believe him then one time we go and eat outiside with a friends then one of our friend notice his arms full of scratch and his eyes sometimes black then he told me that his wife i too nagger and he cannot take her anymore sometimes he told his wife that he will divorce her and she keep on blackmail him by killing her self drink toxic,put gasoline in her drerss and make fire on it bounce her head in the wall.I know that he is good muslim man and a good father too also he told me that he divorce his wife twice by saying TALAK but again he keep on staying in his house because of his son.then after 4years his life become misserable and he told me that he divorce his wife totally i go far to him because i felt that i fall inlove with him because i know for longtime and he did not deserve on how his wife treating him thats why go far but i dont know maybe Allah give ways to meet us again for the second time we meet still he stay with his home but he said is not sleeping with her wife He propose to me to married him my marriage goes like this he called my mom in another country for the permission then after that he pick me up on my duty that time in night duty nurse and buy set of jewelry for my muhur then we with one house together all was prepared he get 4 walli and one muttawah but all the walli is his friends then the muttwah told me that i have to follow what he said and the muttawah ask me if i want to married him by hearth and not by force i said yes.then after 20mins its finished then he give some money donation to the muttawah and food is prepared.but im thinking also that time i dont have any marriage paper to him then when i make istekhara i have a dreams that he got married again but i dont to hom when he wake me up i was crying he hug and i ask him sweetie are you married another one he said no then again i have a dreams the same but this time a see the face of the woman and i cry too much when he wake me up i cry in a loud voice and said why why you did not tell me who is that girl then he hug me tight he ask me why it come to your dreams then he told me yes really that time i want to die but i said who is that woman he said my ex-wife just because of my mother,he told me his mother kneel to him and ask for re-marriage for the sake of there son.i said i want to meet ur wife pleased i just want if that girl i see in my dreams is your wife i dont know why all my dreams come true then he beg me not to there because maybe she will do harm to me but i insist.
Then before we go he called his mother and his brother and telling that remove all the object that could harm me so when i come inside his mother hug me and stay on my side and his mother told me that her wife is like that.Im trying to talk to her i said im not come here to fight with you im coming here to return your husband to you and to your son but she is too much angry and she want to hit my face but she canot go near with me coz my husband everytime in myside also his mother then she throw a shoes on me but my husband catch it and she came in my side and hit my face but i did not feel pain maybe Allah guard me that time because my intention that time is return his husband and leave alone beside he dont have any responsibilities to me coz we dont have kids then i run out oh his house and stay in the hospital im working with.my husband is a businessman and he teach me alot of things in the night we spent together before we sleep he tell me all the story of all the prophet as a Catholic before im keep in listening and i learn a lot he spent all the day with me sleeping with me everyday even she is married to his ex-wife. i know that he i not fair and he not treating 2 wife equally all of his time and love is favor with me he said his ex-wife she cannot find my love he told me before i married her i told her infront of my mother and that muttawah that they make re marriage but she cannot find love but his ex-wife agree on that.thats why i did not know that they are married again then i decided to leave with out her permission and he go to my hospital and take me again he said your paradise is within my feet your my wife until death but i feel im stupid if i believe him thats why i did not comeback because i ask him why i dont have marriage contract with you he produce one and i think this is fake marriage paper because how can he take a marriage papper with out my signature.so i did no come back bec. i think this the right thing i do..then i make my Umrah and stay in Mecca that time i said while im making tawaf i said Allah i repent to my sin if that marriage is sin and i submit my self to you i believe that you are my creator and what ever you want to happen it will happen.Thanks for the short time that i spent to this man but i feel im happy but i want one thing i want to have a baby to him in any how then i did not see my self that i am near in the black stone im shock then the gaurd told me yaallah sis ter what are you waiting for you want to kiss the black stone or not then i put my head inside the blackstone this is my great Umrah i cannot believe that time because its just my second Umrah alone.
Then when i go back to the hospital im working with i told all about that i touch the kaba and kiss the blackstone they all the saudi nationality they cannot believe they said im very old but until now i did not even touch the kaba they said your lucky very lucky then i feel released that time i feel comfortable...then suddenly i fall down and when i wake up the doctor told me that alf mabrook ur hamel im pregnant....im very happy that time for that happiness i did not know that i call my husband and said that im pregnant he is very happy but i said my dicision is still the same even i have baby i will leave you because you canot married me he ask me what merried you want i said i want legally he said later....then i go to my host country for my delivery then i deliver a healthy baby boy 6.9lbs under C/s while im in my host country he supported me in all matter everytime he make a video call to see my belly he called me to check if i have pre-natal check up he called me in the morning to remind my vitamins.and when got deliver he make video call and he saw his baby and he see how all the operation go if im fine even im under spinal anesthesia he is talking to me that why all the doctors and nurse inside the operating room is screaming and teasing me then im thinking why i have a guard outside my room and every time my baby will be deliver to my room by the nursery they have 2 nurse and two lady guard im thnking that mybe that is the protocol in that hospital then when i discharge i have also guard and also the baby and one lady in the lobby give some flowers i said really i want the treatment here in this hospital.then im in the car he called me and ask me how my baby i said fine im in the car now going home and he ask me if im happy and if i recieved a flower i said yes and he said i miss you...when i go home all si happy and waiting for my baby every 2hours he make video call with my baby he said after one month when the baby can open his eyes make him a passport i will take both of you..then i feel happy too much then after18 days i got deliver my baby this April 25,2011 .May 12,2011 i go that hospital for check up the doctor told me your baby is very healthy with good weight gain nothing to worry we will just prepared him after 6weeks for his vaccination.then 4 pm i come home and take rest with my baby my husband call me and ask sbout the check up i said everything is fine.then we sleep we wake up 8pm i give my baby milk again my husband call me i said we just finished to breastfeed the baby now he is sleeping.then we wake up 1 am then again he call he ask again i said he is ok sleeping my baby wake up we were playing he can move his hands his head in the bed thats how we play then my husband make a video call at 4am he see the baby how he play and hi is happy then the baby sleep after he call then i put him in my chest again he call just for second he asking hows my baby i said just now u calling whats wrong with you he said i miss my baby too much i said he is sleeping in my chest then after that call i put my baby on my right arms then my nephew came and he hold the cheek of my baby my baby move his hand up when i open my eyes i see my nephew he said im sorry then i close again my eyes then i felt that someone get my baby in my arms then when i poen my eyes its my mother then i just close my eyes less than 10mins then i heard my mother voice baby wake up wake up when i hear that i stand up and ask what happen why the nose of my baby have blood then i see that time he i dead i begun CPR then without any slipper i run in the hospital even all the doctor is asking me what happen i said i dont know then i tell them the story they tried to revived my baby but Allah get him i cry too much i cannot accept i feel im crazy i feel i want to die i keep on asking why...why..???how come he died he is very healthy that time my husband feel something his car released too much hot instead of cold air in the aircon then he call me....He said ALLAHAMDULLIALAH i said me i cannot said that why my baby he told me sweetie sfter day of judgement he will be come your lawyer to Allah he will save you and me in the hell fire i said no i cannot accept that......
Then i go to the muslim community they said the same thing on what my husband say to me.....
but until now im cry too much.....i want an advice from all of the sister and brother is my baby die because my merriage is not halal.....
is that true that if all baby die straight they will go paradise....
what should i do to my husband do i need to ask for divorce or re-merriage.....
please tell me if may baby is halal or what really im getting crazy.....

May Allah comfort your heart and ease your life and aakhirah for you and make it good and forgive the wrong actions of the past.

Insha Allah, I'll answer your question one by one:

.....i want an advice from all of the sister and brother is my baby die because my merriage is not halal.....

He sought permission of your parents right? And He also gave Mahr and he made Allah a wtiness to this marriage and performed Nikah with you? Am I right?

If this is the case, the marriage is valid and halaal and the baby born is equally legitimate.

is that true that if all baby die straight they will go paradise....

Sister, Allah is full of Mercy, He says in the Qur'an : We never punish until we have a sent a messenger, then He says Allah in not unjust to His slaves, then He says those who do wrong and do not repent will go to Hell,
But the child is free from all this, it was an infant, Allah knows what it would have been and what kind of a human being he would be and his deeds would be had it lived. Only Allah knows. But Allah gave life and He gave death and Insha Allah He will bring the innocent kid in to Paradise, because it is innocent, it does not know what is sin? what is faith?

what should i do to my husband do i need to ask for divorce or re-merriage.....
As I said, if marriage happened as above with islamic guidelines it is halaal and also you should make it a point to get it registered, have papers and marriage certificiates ready so that if needed you may claim any rights available to you within the law.

If you do not find "peace" in living with him, you think you are unable to lead a good Islamic life with him and you think you can be better without him and that you are not doing any injustice to anyone by separation, then Insha Allah, you may seek a divorce.

If your marriage meets Islamic guidelines as above and you get the marriage papers and you like to continue marriage with him, you may do so, there is no harm in it.

please tell me if may baby is halal or what really im getting crazy.....

Yes, if he married you with permission of your folk, gave you mahr and made people witness to the fact that you married him and makes Allah a surety of what he says and also here as you wrote, he has made his family also aware of your marriage with him, if this is the case then this marriage is halaal and the baby is halaal as well.

Do not be in despair sister, try to seek solace in the Qur'an, do not question Allah "why you do this to me"?
He is the doer of His will and He is fully aware of all that is happening.

Keep your prayers regular, go to the Dawah Center to learn more about Islam and also consult your Muslim friends there, Insha Allah, they will be of help.

Sister, I feel your pain of you losing your child as I know what your going through since I too lost my son due to early labor from under extreme stress by my husband at that time which happened 5 years ago. We are no longer married since he divorce me the day I buried my son.

I know in my heart my son is in Paradise and he is waiting for me to come to be his mother in paradise as your child is waiting for you.

Allah , needed your child more than we . Accepted that Allah needed your baby . It is not easy to do which took me two years to get over the loss of my son. Now, I know my son is okay.

I had a dream one year ago my son came to me to let me know he is alright and kiss me on my cheek while I was asleep in my dream. That morning when I awoke , I was such in high spirit and Happy knowing my son is alright . I have peace and please get some peace for your self . You will inshallah have a another child again.

I do hope that you find comfort and always know that Allah loves you and he has better plans for you in your life to come.

Why do brothers use Islam to manipulate Muslim women? I used to hear stories of brothers using Islam to get sisters to practice then they'd start going out with them in uni. I knew a brother who once confessed that Islam was an escape root for when they got bored of the girl.. They'd say stuff like.. This relationship is haraam I can't carry on.

Hard Hearts are everywhere, the fact is that the day that Allah(swt) have mercy on them to decide that the Heart softens, since that day whenever a little piece of hardness falls from their Heart they will be crying tears of blood, down to their knees, crawling to Allah(swt) begging for forgiveness.

The person with knowlegde have more responsibility on the last day, because they sin not due to ignorance, they were conscious and they did it wrong, this fault is bigger, then their suffering is bigger and their test will be a sign of Allah(swt)´s Mercy towards them.

Just other thought, we all can have a hard heart in our life, at one time or another, we can be tested in a way that we can fall, none of us is free from falling, and the best protection not to fall or if we fall to get up fast and repent is to have a strong faith, but we can have a low iman and fall and not seeing the way out, not even a glimpse of light and it is at that moment, when we are ready to appreciate even the most insignificant sign of hope and light, can be a friend hand, can be a word, can be a prayer, can be a touch on the shoulder, can be a sight to the eyes, ... all of this "can be" is the way Allah(swt) has to call us back to the Straight Path, to show us, He(swt) is ready for us at the most minimun movement we make to get closer to Him(swt). Then if you find a friend lost, remember him with your own example, the Path he should follow, and if at that moment you don´t have the strength yourself, go to Allah(swt) for you and for him, insha´Allah.

Sister,after reading this,I am so angry! This man is a ghabeeth toying with your life the way he wishes! He preys on the fact that you do not have as much knowledge as he does on Islam. It is such that further the downfall of this Muslim Ummah. Here is an explanation as to what Mut'ah is.

Mut'ah is a shia based practice. Completely rejected according to the mainstream muslims. (Ahlus Sunnah wal Jama'ah)

“Mutah” translates literally to “pleasure” in Arabic. In the Shia context, Mutah refers to a “temporary marriage.” A man pays a woman a sum of money (i.e. a so-called “dowry”) and he can have sexual relations with her for however long they agree for in the Mutah contract. The Mutah time period can be as little as one night, or even one hour–enough time for the man to do the sexual act. For all intents and purposes, Mutah is prostitution: a man pays a sum of money in order to have sexual relations with a woman.

Mutah is considered permissible in the Shia faith. It is completely rejected by the mainstream Muslims (i.e. the Ahlus Sunnah wal Jama’ah). The Shia Ayatollahs slander the Prophet by arguing that he encouraged Mutah, whereas the Ahlus Sunnah valiantly rejects such blasphemy and adamantly holds that the Prophet categorically forbade Mutah.

Shi’ism not only allows Mutah but actively encourages it. Naturally, many Shia apologetics have a hard time accounting for this; oftentimes, the Shia laity themselves (especially the women) are in denial as to their own beliefs. The fact is that Shi’ism not only allows Mutah, but it actively encourages it and even forbids anyone from saying that Mutah is wrong. According to Shi’ism, the more Mutah a man engages in, the more reward he supposedly gets. Any person who does not believe in Mutah is considered to be a Kaafir (disbeliever) by the Shia Ulema. There is no debate on this amongst the Shia Ulema, and there is Ijma (consensus) amongst them on the Kufr of denying Mutah.

Al-Kafi is one of the four Shia books of Hadith; of the four, it is considered the most authoratative and authentic. We read one such Sahih Hadith, in which the Imam says:

“One who engages in Mutah once in his lifetime reaches the status of Imam Al-Hussain. One who engages in it twice becomes equal in status to Imam Al-Hasan. The one who performs it three times reaches the position of Imam Ali. And he who practices it four times acquires the level and position of the Prophet Muhammad.”

(Furoo al-Kafi)

This is pure blasphemy to say that all a man has to do to get to the level and position of the Prophet is to have Mutah with four women. To say that a man who engages in prostitution can in any way, shape, or form be compared to the Prophet is heresy.

Here are some more Shia Hadith from Al-Kafi (narrated in al-Kulaini, Furoo al-Kafi, Volume 2, p.196):

1. Abaan Ibn Tulugh related that he said to Imam Jafar as-Sadiq, “Often during my travels I come across a very beautiful woman and I am not sure if she has a husband or if she is an adultress or if she is one of dubious character.” The Imam responded, “Why should you worry about all of these things? Your duty is to believe what she says, and if she says that she has no husband then you should engage in Mutah with her.” (Al-Kafi)

2. Zanaarah said, “I asked the Imam: ‘with how many girls can one do Mutah with?’ He replied, ‘with as many as you like; they are like hired girls.’” (Al-Kafi)

3. “If a man contracts Mutah once in his lifetime, Allah will grant him paradise.” (Al-Kafi)

4. “If a man does Mutah, he is saved from shirk.” (Al-Kafi)

Let us examine another Shia Hadith on the matter of Mutah:

Imam al-Sadiq (as) said: “The one who does not believe in our return [Al-Raj’ah] and does not consider our Mutah to be Halal is not from us.” (al-Bihar, al-Majlisi, v53, p92, Hadith #101)

And another interesting Shia Hadith:

Imam as-Sadiq (as) said: “He who believes in seven things is regarded as a believer: the disavowal of idols and tyrants, the declaration of the divine leadership of the Imams, the belief of Rajaa, legality of Mutah, the illegality of the flesh of eel, and the illegality of passing the wet hands over the slippers (during the ritual ablutions).” (Narrated by Ali bin Ahmed bin Abdullah who narrated to us from his father from his grandfather from Ahmed bin Abi Abdullah al-Barqi from his father from Amr bin Shemr from Abdullah)

These are very peculiar beliefs indeed. How is it that Mutah is considered commendable in Shi’ism? Mutah is nothing other than prostitution. To believe that Mutah is permissible is to negate all the Islamic exhortations in regards to chastity, sexual modesty, and righteousness. Furthermore, it is complete blasphemy against our Prophet to say that he encouraged prostitution. Mutah is Zinnah (fornication); it is immoral and reprehensible!

Salams sister Jannah,
Sister, there are no condition what so ever which make Mutah acceptable in any circumstances at all. Where is the reference in Quran, Hadith or Sunnah? Had it been made legal we definitely would have some authentic resources. I can make anything and then say that it should be practised under certain circumstances. It is utter disgrace for women and pleasure for men astaghfirullah. There is no question of whether women being single, married, widowed or whatever; it is not logical that the religion that gave right to women would allow such thing. Can’t you see that this gives men free pass to use women for sexual pleasure only and then leave them; do they don’t deserve to be respected, loved, cared for and taken into Nikkah in a respectful way rather than treated as object for the sexual gratification of men?
Can you not see the state of Muslim women in general; this is the reason Islam gets the bad name. You say that it allows adult men and women to enjoy who can’t afford marriage due to financial issues or divorcees who don’t want to stay together a lifetime and seek a halal option.
How is this different from haram relationship that is forbidden in Islam and vastly prevalant in many non-Muslim (some Muslim) countries. Where men and women live as boyfriend/girlfriend; don’t want to comit in marriage. Holy Prophet (PBUH) advised those Muslims who can’t afford marriage to fast not to innovate such arrangements to seek pleasure. Do you think that if such practices were to made normal then people will ever comit? What if such couple had children; no matter how much careful they were to not to conceive? What will be status of that child and won’t those parents be responsible for the sin, since children are innocent?

POLYGAMY VS MUTAH
Now, this is a shock for me that how you compare both. Yes, polygamy is abused and I agree with that wholeheartedly. However, polygamy is made halal and it is mentioned in Quran; besides our Prophet (PBUH) practiced it and many of the Shahaba practiced it too. Where is the reference of Mutah marriage in Quran, Authentic Hadith and Sunnah?
Besides, women in polygamous relationship command the same right as first, second, third or fourth wife. Compare the rights of wife in polygamous/monogamous relationship with a woman’s right who is in Mutah contract. Do you seriously think that they both are same sister? Off course, I understand polygamy is not for everyone simply because not everyone can afford/manage or treat more than one wife equally but it’s not HARAM OR AN INNOVATION.
Yes, there are women who don’t like polygamy for their personal reasons but it’s not haram like Mutah. If a man wants to practice polygamy he should discuss with his wife and then if wife is not happy; she can seek divorce or stay in marriage depending on her choice. Fact that women don’t accept polygamy for whatever reason or it’s being abused doesn’t mean that it’s HARAM or not allowed in Islam?

Please sister, don’t preach what your logic doesn’t accept and which is not from Islam especially as being a women you should think about sufferings of a lot of Muslimahs.

Correct me if I am wrong, I may be...I heard that Mutah was practised (and only acceptable at that time) when sahaba/men went to war and leaving their wives for many years. It's not allowed now for any circimstances.

There are a lot of enlightening responses here as well as some heart breaking stories.
I was faced with the issue of mutah marraige at one time from my husband when we married, actually before we married. I asked my husband how many wives he planned to have, he replied "One" it was dicussed. My husband told me that I could not deny him what allah said he could have I responded by letting him know that if this was what he wanted to do than I was not the person for him to marry I was not denying him but, he had already given an answer when I asked him, I guess it might have occurred to you that we are shia.I find that some islamic men try to get away with a lot of what they think sisters do not know, if you do not know what is permitted you might find yourself faced with issues you do not know how to handle. In my case I found the answers I needed through study. When mutah marriage was permitted it was a very different time,, today it would just be considered having a mistress. My husband tried to give a number of reason as to it being benefitial for us, I expressed that the only person that would benefit from it would be him. I love my husband but, I had to let him know that I would file for a divorce in no uncertain term. That was almost 10 years ago. Insha' allah this might be helpful to someone, Khuda Hafiz to you all

Actually bhai, I don't understand why I said forced into. I mean muarebab has posted her experience of this odd concept... i don't know i felt as she was forced or blinded into it. she should of have done some research on it. I also mean if someone doesn't know or is not educated on religion doesn't know about so many things such as mutah, then she does this act, would she be also doing zina... that is what i meant by forced into it...i think iam clear now, that time i was too confused and shocked... Anna

I am really shocked about this mutah marriage too! But Shias actively practice it. It is literally like prostitution. Paying a women for sex. But then again why was it allowed in the olden days when the men went to war??? Wasn't it like prostitution then? Why couldn't the men fast?

Women are not objects for sexual gratification but why were they treated like an object in the olden days? Why was it ok then? I mean nobody is gonna die without sex! People die of hunger cold etc. these are necessaries in this temporary life. People can live without sex. There are many men and women 40 plus who are not even married, they managed without sex and are patient so why couldn't the god fearing men in the olden days manage and be patient and wait till they get married! And nowadays there is more temptation.

Why do men's sexual desires have to be catered for at any expense? I mean this is a temporary life sex is wordly pleasures. So instead of degrading women and using them as objects why don't these men spend time praying and doing good deeds instead of thinking about satisfying their desires all the time?

I don't know but you have brought up good questions. I guess maybe the iyaat was not revealed on this topic. i was reading a lot about this today, and did read somewhere about the iyaat..inshALLAH i will try finding it and give the link to you tomorrow. or someone might know about it here who can help you with this... there is a lot on this on the net, but too confusing... by GOD this is the first time I read or heard this word. :S Mutah!!

Sumatra: Why do men's sexual desires have to be catered for at any expense? I mean this is a temporary life sex is worldly pleasures. So instead of degrading women and using them as objects why don't these men spend time praying and doing good deeds instead of thinking about satisfying their desires all the time?

What about 2 consenting adults............is that degrading for women too? Intense sexual desire is natural and pushes a man to seek a partner for reproduction. There is nothing exciting/relaxing like the feeling a man gets with ejaculation/orgasm.

Assalam u Alaikum brothers and sisters.
The problem is that there are many among Muslim who call themselves scholars but actually they are not and they are misguiding people. If any body want to know the best answers according to true Islamic teachings they should contact Shaikh Asim Al Hakeem, Shaikh Bilal Philips, Shaikh Yousaf Estes, Dr. Zakir Nike, Dr. Israr AHmed (Late), Molana MOdoodi (Late) and also can watch Peace TV. to find authentic Scholars.
Those who accept any thing after a lot of research Inshahallah they will find the truth. May Allah help them. and May Allah help and protect sister who posted her story and guide her. Ameen
Tariq Mehmood

I wanted to update everyone on my life:
I have not been on here for a long while, but i just wanted to tell everyone thank you for all your sincere duas and advice. Life after leaving my ex has been wonderful alhamdulillah. I have stuck through the hardship and focused on being a good single mother and on my islamic studies. I have gained so much knowledge with the help of Allah swt by constantly praying, reading Qu'ran and practicing sunnah of the Prophet in daily life activities. I have changed my life since my mistake and in sha Allah will get my bachelors degree in nutrition and islamic studies and maybe teach part-time in a mosque. I have dedicated my time to obeying Allah swt and becoming a better muslim after everything that happened to me in the previous years. I made tauba (sincere repentance) and i have learned through my mistakes by the help of Allah swt. Leaving my ex was the best decision i ever made because i relied on Allah swt and Allah guided me to the light. I am now engaged to be married and the nikah will be properly done according to shariah guidelines.

I do not live in pain anymore, and i do not feel sorry for myself either. Through this horrific experience i have turned out to be a stronger believer in Allah swt than i could have ever imagined. I love islam so much and i am so happy that i am a muslim and that Allah chose me to be part of this religion.

I just wanted to let anyone know that there is hope at the end of any sin. Repent to Allah swt, make tauba, pray to Allah swt, learn to forgive yourself and learn to love yourself. Do not beat yourself up about your mistakes, if Allah chooses to conceal your sins, it is a blessing and you should see it as such. Living in sin will never give you opportunity to truly forgive yourself and move on. I learned this the minute i realized what i was doing was not right. i pray that any women who have a situation similar to mine, find the courage to leave. Get out and find help from local resources. These men deceive and lie to get what they want, after they get it, they run around in circles manipulating young women.

The issue with a situation like mine is that i was very naive and ignorant. I did not have much knowledge of islam and i was young too. These men target women like that because it is very easy to manipulate them into agreeing, especially if they already show interest in islam from the beginning. This was the case with me and i pray no one ever has to go through what i did.

Dear sorry to hear your story. I hope Allah decides something best for you.
As far as muttah is concerned dear sis its very much allowed in Islam, as when some thing was practiced in the time of Holy Prophet pbuh how can anybody forbid it. I would say that you must study history and think logically. People now a days believes on different scholors who mostly misguides us its better that we study it ourselves but sadly yes people today do misuse the term and do not follow the rules properly. Islam is complete religion and have rules and conditions for every act.
Glad to hear that you life improved.

for muslimausa
This is so sad and it seems like you were really naive, even after you had a baby and everything. Obviously, he just wanted to keep you around for sex and companionship. He knew that you would not give him that, so he put an Islamic title on it. He seems like a real narcissist. For Muslims and NonMuslims, the rule should always be that if the guy is not willing to go public with you, it means you are a SIDEPIECE. I think you must have had low self-esteem, and he was a predator that noticed that. It seems that you are falling into Islam again which is good, but please do not get overly brainwashed either. A person can justify anything using religion. For example, if I want you to kill someone, I can tell you that in Surah AlBaqarah, it says to kill the kuffar whereever you find them. On the other hand, if I don't want you to, I could tell you that killing a human is like killing all of humanity. So please, don't be a robot. It's like Santa, it's cute to dress up and have all the rituals, but if you REALLY start believing in Santa, no one is going to correct you, but we're all going to think "ummm..this girl is really naive and easy to mess with".

Mutah is a halal form of marriage and i have done it myself (i am a girl), and it's the guy's responsibility to own this child and you both. Tell me now, how is everything? I want to know how you are and your child and your husband are doing?

All of this is a test sister. And test are not meant to break you but bring you close to Allah. Allah is trying to bring you back and closer to Him so that you care less about the dunya and face Him in worship.because that is the greatest attainment. You shouldn't give up okay? What i advice you to do is to leave him and repent because if you keep staying with him you would be commiting more sin.so dont despair.. leave him and start a new life one with a lovely spiritual journey to Allah,you dont need a man to train you son to be the best, not all of the sahabas had great mothers but still they came out best.

Firstly you started doing all religious act because of this man. And it is wrong and Allah is testing you so that you do it for His sake and be saved from jahanam.

Test and trials are mercy from Allah,it is expiation of sins so that you meet Him purified on the day of judgement.

Imagine if you had cancer or you had 3 hours to live.. how much you would engage in worship and seek nearness to Allah,very swiftly right. .that is how test works. The Akhirah matters more

Allah tests us so that we remember him. Remember when Adam was sent out of paradise? That was his test,to make him understand and value things to make him recognise and depend totally on Allah,to make him strong,its like a training for the hereafter.

All this is a test.. thnk for yourself..when you are sad,or hurt or something similar..you always feel and think O Allah help me O Allah forgive me O Allah i need you...this is the essence of the test ..He wants you to be with Him and Allah loves us..thats why it is said that Allah test those who He loves..He the Exalted wants to purify you and make you more humble and a better muslim..He test us so that we dont worry much about dunya but work and be trained for the akhirah..this is what He wills. Tests brings us close to Allah and so no matter how hard the road is,Always look up to Allah and depend on Him and have it in your mind that He loves you and wants you to gain akhirah rather than this temporal life..

Do you know test lifts us up in deeds? Because when we are tested we engaged so much in good deeds and worship

That moment in pain and calamity we understand others pain and suffering and we become grateful. We do so much to gain Allah's pleasure and your mind is always occupied with Allah. . If we were always happy,always enjoying.. we will never have the chance to be grateful and thankful. And thats why Allah says

"Indeed,After hardship is ease"

After the hardship and when you are in ease,you feel much comfort and you become thankful and filled with Iman and taqwa..this is the Love of Allah

For instance When you want to teach a child how to walk. you make the child do it on its own for a while right? And at that moment while shes trying and trying,she falls and gets up,and does this over and over again.right? And finally after many difficulties she or he is able to walk perfectly and she will always be grateful to you for that isnt it? Similarly is Allahs test.. think
he wants us to pursue and work towards Akhirah and in that path we learn so many things and that's when we appreciate Allah's wonders on us.. Allah is merciful and He doesnt overburden us beyond our ability.. so dont worry.okay?
Infact you should be happy and smile because He subhana wa ta'ala is guiding you to that which is good. If He is not testing you with pain then He is testing you with pleasure and He knows which is best for us. So be happy and give thanks. You are among those who Allah loves. So say alhamdulilah..as for that man, Allah is just and will surely disgrace him.dont worry. Leave it to Allah. Start a newlife and rectify your mistakes. And seek nearness with Allah. May Allah be with you. I hope you get this commentand in a good state