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I have an aquarium. I don't want fish in it. Help.

Okay, I have a Marineland Eclipse Hex 5 aquarium, currently dry and empty. I would like to put something in it to keep me company at my desk, but I don't want fish. So I'm asking for suggestions on some kind of small pet that would be happy in a habitat that size. Here are my requirements:

-Cleaning needs to be minimal. I'm in an office and the only usable sink is on the next floor up on the opposite side of the building, so frequent scrubbing and washing and such is out of the question. Preferably, all I would need for cleaning is a trashcan.

-Whatever it is, the pet needs to be able to survive a weekend without anyone feeding it, cleaning up after it, turning on the lights for it, or even acknowledging its existence.

-I can't do live feeding. Or, at least not live crickets. Mealworms and such I can handle, but crickets and their ilk freak me out.

I've been interested in green tree frogs, long-tailed lizards, and hermit crabs (obviously not all three at once), but there are things about my situation that seem to preclude proper care of any of those creatures. So I'm looking to you for suggestions on something that could be happy in there.

I realize that the best option may be to avoid pets altogether and to turn the thing into a terrarium for some plants, and I'm open to that. If you have any ideas for that I'd love to read them.

TL/DR: I have a tall(ish) 5-gallon tank. I want a pet, but not fish. It should require very low maintenance. I can't handle live crickets. I need ideas.

There really isn't much you can do with a 5 gallon hex. Don't let anyone talk you into putting any sort of reptile in there. Your tank is simply too small for a lizard or any sort (and prettymuch fish anyways, so it's a good thing you decided against it). Maybe a frog? I'm not sure as I don't keep them, but frogs are fairly high maintenance because of misting, though they MIGHT be ok over a weekend.

Hermit crabs would work. BUT, look into Shrimps.

5 gallons is just fine. And you can have a beautiful water-plant tank.

The big issue with not wanting fish (aside from the limited space in the tank) is that I don't want to be dealing with a lot of water. This is going on a desk in a cubicle a long way from the nearest sink. So really, any aquatic creature, not just fish, are not going to work.

I can handle needing to bring down a cup or two of water once in a while or even daily, but lugging forty pounds of water up the stairs, across the building, and back is not something I'm interested in.

No newts, Skoal cat. That is way too small of a tank for newts or most amphibians (I actually can't think of any that would suit, though, someone who knows frogs might know) because its a vertical 5 gallons.

Just fill it up once, Denada.

One gallon. Do this five times when you first start your tank. Then maybe once a week following.

I don't know about hermit crabs so I can't be any help there. They need temperature control though, I know that. So. But really, 5 gallons is too small for most living things.

I've actually had the exact same tank as you before and have filled it with nice mosses and some plants and just watered it once in a while and it did fine and was cool.

Carnivorous plants could be a good option for the tank. The thing is, you'll need a fluorescent light for the plant(s) to grow well as many carnivorous plants need a fair amount of light. You'll also want to pick your species carefully as some grow quite large (most nepenthes pitchers for instance) and some just don't do well in terrariums and either do much better outdoors (like venus flytraps or sarracenia pitchers). But there are some carnivorous plants that would do well in such an environment and would be small enough.

I'd recommend butterworts or sundews as a good option. Like I said earlier, most nepenthes will get too big for such a small tank. Nepenthes truncata when mature can produce pitchers over a foot tall and leaves the size of dinner plates. Not a good match!

The OP gets squicked at handling crickets. Somehow, I think a giant spider is probably out as well.
Also, I imagine the tank would be pretty small for a tarantula.

Personally, I'd suggest doing the plant thing mentioned earlier, then getting some fake poison dart frogs to add a bit of color to it. I mean, they're easy to take care of, no cleaning, no feeding, never going to die on you, and only have slightly less personality then real frogs.

I think the carnivorous plant idea is spot on. I would pass on the venus fly traps myself, unless OP doesn't mind switching them out after a few months when / if they peter out, but yeah pitcher plants and sundews are great. He could even put an african violet in there for color too.

The tank is actually rather big for tarantula, but I wouldn't advise to get one, as they need live food, preferably crickets or grasshoppers.
If you feel uncomfortable about spiders don't even think about it, I raised some baby mexican red-knee spiders just to see if I could do it once, but once they got closer to their adult size I had to give them away as they were becoming a bit too scary for me.

Insects might be your best bet though, in terms of maintenance and room required.
I had different ant colonies and they are fun to watch, but most colonies will grow to a point where that tank is too small and you will have to take some extra precautions to keep them from coming out.
And you need to find a queen of course, which is harder in the US than it is here in Europe, since your state laws are stricter and we can just oder one from the internet.

For mantis and living sticks and all those it will probably be too small.

Okay, it's looking like a terrarium is the best option, which is what I was expecting. Carnivorous plants is something I didn't think of, but I really like that idea.

This tank has a built-in fluorescent light in the hood, so that should work well for them, right? What about food and temperature? Do these carnivorous plants actually need to eat things to survive, or can they do with light, soil, and water like regular plants? And is an office that is typically in the 60 - 70 degrees F range okay for them?

And how many plants do you think would fit comfortably in there? A couple butterworts and a sundew, or is that too many? Any advice on where to actually get these plants? It doesn't seem like your average Home Depot is going to have them, though I could be mistaken.

Okay, it's looking like a terrarium is the best option, which is what I was expecting. Carnivorous plants is something I didn't think of, but I really like that idea.

This tank has a built-in fluorescent light in the hood, so that should work well for them, right? What about food and temperature? Do these carnivorous plants actually need to eat things to survive, or can they do with light, soil, and water like regular plants? And is an office that is typically in the 60 - 70 degrees F range okay for them?

And how many plants do you think would fit comfortably in there? A couple butterworts and a sundew, or is that too many? Any advice on where to actually get these plants? It doesn't seem like your average Home Depot is going to have them, though I could be mistaken.

Actually I see kits for carnivorous plants all the time in home improvement stores, nurseries, and even in the seasonal aisle of grocery stores. It doesn't hurt to look, but I can't speak to the quality that you'd get.

I would strongly recommend you not buy carnivorous plants from a hardware store, Amazon.com, or really any place that's not a nursery that specializes in carnivorous plants or you're all too likely to get a plant that's not potted in a proper medium or are just unhealthy plants that haven't been cared for properly. The place I linked to (Sarracenia Northwest) is a nursery in norther Oregon I've been very happy with, but you certainly don't need to use them. I'd just recommend that you go through a reputable nursery that actually grows their own carnivorous plants and know what the fuck they're doing. Many carnivorous plants are pretty easy to raise if you know how, but there's also plenty of ways to kill them out of ignorance. Also keep in mind that carnivorous plants are not all in the same family of plants. They're grouped only by their habit of trapping prey, but are actually a diverse group of plants that are not that closely related to each other. Sarracenia have quite different requirements from nepenthes, and drosera require very different soil conditions. A little research into what would best meet your needs and how to care for them (if you go the carnivorous plant route) will greatly reduce the likelihood of you having dead plants a year or two later.

I think there are at least a few local nurseries around here, though I'll have to find out whether they deal with carnivorous plants or not. If I have to order online, I think that site should work fine. I'm in California, so shipping from Oregon shouldn't be too bad.

Now, should I go for a variety of plants, or is the tank too small for that? I was initially thinking I would get a couple of pinguicula 'tehuacan' and a drosera spatulata. Would those live well together? Do you think there's enough room in the tank?

Yeah, those two would do fine together and what you see in the photos is basically what you get with a mature plant. They really don't get any bigger than that aside from it cloning new plants. I'd recommend just start with a couple of plants at first and see how much room if any you have left to add more if you want. Your tank is pretty small. Carnivorous plants do benefit from trapping insects (it's how they supplement their supply of nitrates and phosphates because they grow in nutrient poor soil), they'll do absolutely fine with a small bug like a fruit fly or an ant once or twice a month. And going back to the nutrient poor soil, it's very important that you a proper potting medium when you repot them (you'll want to do this about once a year, preferably in spring) because they actually cannot tolerate normal soil that's rich in nutrients. Their roots will die.

California is a pretty easy place to find reputable carnivorous plant nurseries, actually. One particularly famous one is located somewhere in Sebastopol, whose owner wrote one of the most thorough books on how to successfully grow the major genera: The Savage Garden.

Some beginner friendly and small plants I can recommend:

Sundews/Drosera:

Spoiler:

Drosera capensis - the Cape Sundew. The plant is South African in origin, and is goddamn bulletproof. It's probably the most forgiving carnivorous plant out there, and the easiest to keep: it has no dormancy period and will tolerate wild temperature swings, variances in how much water it gets, and soil types. In fact, I've had two plants that seemed entirely dead for a month straight fully regrow themselves. On top of that, it produces seed so readily that it's often a considered a weed in most collections. They come in four varieties, and grow to around a 6" diameter.

Drosera spatulata - the Spoon-Leaved Sundew. Very compact little plant, growing from 1"-2" in diameter. It basically follows the same rules as a cape sundew, but not quite to the same extremes of survivability.

Drosera burmanni - This one is typically an annual, but can survive around 1.5 years with regular watering. They are also very small, usually no larger than an inch in diameter. I like to grow them in with other plants, as they don't last long enough to warrant their own container. They also produce A BAJILLION SEEDS, each the size of a large dust grain.

Drosera aliciae - the Alice Sundew. It's also a South African plant, and is fairly easy to grow. I've never personally grown them, but I hear they're quite easy as well. Full size 3" diameter.

Drosera adelae - the Adelaide/Lance-Leaved Sundew. This one is known to grow very well indoors and in terraria. Word of warning: they can grow up to a foot in diameter.

Drosera nitidula x pulchella - Hybrid pygmy sundew. I've grown this one for quite some time, and it's just about as easy to grow as a cape sundew. This one actually belongs to an interesting group of sundews, pygmy sundews. Many of these do not grow larger than a nickel, and can reproduce vegitatively by way of spring-loaded reproductive bodies called gemmae (which can be launched several feet!). This one doesn't react poorly to ignoring its dormancy. Full size (of my several-year old plants) .75" diameter.

Butterworts/Pinguicula:

Spoiler:

Anything classified as "Warm-Temperate" or Mexican/Tropical.

Pinguicula primuliflora - the Primrose Butterwort. They're insanely easy to grow, but are individually short lived (key word: individually). Once a plant flowers, it begins to die back. At the same time, it produces tiny plantlets at the tips of its leaves, which root themselves before the original plant dies. They grow around 2"-3" in diameter.

Bladderworts/Utricularia:

Spoiler:

You'll almost never see these catch anything, since their traps are usually 1mm in diameter or smaller. Still, they produce pretty flowers and act as a good soil quality indicator. The only restriction I would recommend is to select a species with no dormancy requirements, and typically stay away from aquatic species apart from Utricularia gibba (the others often require a great deal of space to grow well in). Terrestrial species can be grown in the same pots as your other plants (I do this with Utricularia livida), and I have heard Epiphytic species do fantastically well in terrariums. They all like lots of water, except epiphytic species (and particularly dormant epiphytic species).

Tropical Pitcher Plants/Nepenthes:

Spoiler:

Most of these grow into incredibly large plants, the largest of which can carry around a gallon of fluid and trap, drown, and digest vertebrates of reasonable size (mice, rats, birds, lizards, frogs, etc). Fortunately, this is also a passive trap, so growers don't need to bring the blowtorch out during watering time. They're a bit harder to grow than the rest, so I would recommend against getting one. However, if you should choose to attempt to grow one there are only a few varieties that can be grown in a terrarium as small as yours:

Nepenthes bellii - a small lowland pitcher plant from the Philippines. Fully grown, it is not larger than 1' across with pitchers 4.5" long and 2" wide (the upper pitchers are smaller); it is one of the smallest plants in the genus. It can be trimmed aggressively to keep its height within the confines of the terrarium.

Nepenthes gracilis - The leaves grow up to 8" in length, with 2-3" tall lower pitchers and upper pitchers double that size. It can be trimmed aggressively to result in a smaller, bushier plant. These cuttings can be easily rooted in water.

Personally, I've only grown larger varieties, but in the right conditions they'll take care of themselves. They tend to attract ants (if ants are present), most of which are trapped and digested. Some are also more forgiving about water requirements, and can accept water from the tap at least for some of their watering as long as the pot is kept well-drained.

Feeding: some pet stores have dried insects meant for reptiles or fish (such as dried blood worms [mosquito larvae!]). These will work just fine for all of the plants above, as long as they are not fed to excess (a small pinch of blood worms on a few sundew leaves works just fine). Avoid feeding plants 'human' food (hamburger), with the possible exception of Tropical Pitcher Plants; I've dropped a torn up shrimp that fell into the grill into a pitcher before, and it proceeded to have a month-long growth spurt.

Water: Distilled or De-Ionized water only (read the label to make sure nothing has been added back into the water). A gallon should last your terrarium a few months (IF the pots are not drained/have no holes in the bottom).

EDIT:

Venus Flytraps/Dionaea muscipula:

Spoiler:

There is only one species of venus fly trap, but there are many cultivars [cultivated varieties]. They can live for around 25 years, if attention is paid to their growing requirements. The most critical of these are:
-Water quality: I listed that above, never use tap water on a venus flytrap. Using tap water on one is the fastest way to unwittingly kill one.
-Soil quality: 1:1 sand/peat or pearlite/peat mixture
-Light: full sun optimally, or good plant lights will work
-Dormancy: for 1/4 of the year (from the end of November to the beginning of March) a venus flytrap will need to spend its time sealed in a ziplock bag with the soil in its pot left just a little moist in the back of a fridge. Check on it once weekly to ensure no leaks have occurred in the bag, which will cause it to dessicate and die. Do not water it during this time unless it begins to get dry, and only then just enough to have moist soil. Once the winter has passed, return it to the terrarium and grow it normally.
-Flowering: Unless you have a loooooooooooong time to dedicate to growing more venus flytraps, trim off its flowers. The seeds take five years to grow to maturity (and the seedlings must follow all the dormancy rules!), and the flowers can stunt the continued growth of the plant. Besides, they're not that pretty anyways.
-Feeding: venus flytraps - like Tyrannosaurs - are triggered by movement. this means you will either need to stimulate a trap manually if you're using dried or dead insects, or use live insects. If you go the live route, pill bugs are probably the best way to go.

As far as varieties go, primarily red plants require extremely intense light to maintain their coloration, so I would avoid them in a terrarium. Other than that, one interesting variety is named 'B52', which has the largest traps of any venus flytrap variety, up to 2.25" long.