Monday 4 April, 2011

Looking at the entry from 11 years ago, there is a sentence right in the middle which states: ‘I just couldn’t understand how it was supposed to work.‘

I have already mentioned here that, in my training group, we were challenged whenever we used the word ‘try‘. Well, ‘how‘ was another trigger word which invited the sternest of challenges. It usually came as a forceful confrontation whilst we were already being challenged on our behaviour, reactions, choice of words or current ego state (TA); times during which we would be too tempted to ask, ‘But how am I supposed to…?‘

The answer to that question was always the same. There was no need to worry about the ‘how‘. The ‘how‘ would take care of itself. We needed to focus on seeing our behaviour; on seeing what everyone else could see; on becoming aware of our blind spots. While we are doing that, the ‘how‘ would be sorting itself out.

‘How‘ is an unnecessary distraction. All the time we are thinking about ‘how‘, we are missing what is actually going on. (There is a similar explanation for the benefit of confusion, which I have discussed here.)

Of course, there are times when, ‘How?‘ is a valid question, and if you really want to know, then this blog and the website are full of information which will tell you all you need to know. But for the most part, whatever your goals, there are far more important things deserving of your attention and energy than ‘how’.