There Are Days When I Don't Feel 'Good Enough,' But I'm Working On That

I compare myself to others a lot. It's not healthy. I wish I didn't do it, but I do. Somehow, thoughts like, "She's so much prettier than me," "If I was as funny as them people would like me more," "If I was a more 'relatable' people might want to be better friends with me," but the worst one is "I'll never be as good as them."

These simple but powerful words hurt. These are the thoughts that put me down. I tend to tell myself I could be so much better. I hate it, but I'm working on it. I'm trying my best to believe in myself. I'm working hard to realize I am good enough.

I think a lot of this stems from my childhood. I have always been competitive, so I compared myself to others around me all the time. I always wanted to win in games. I wanted to be the one who looked at herself and finally saw I have talents, people actually do like me, I don't need to be "pretty" to win the approval of others, but I still feel that way.

I grew up around girls who were, as I say, better at life than I am.

They had boyfriends. They were always with their friends. They knew how to dress. I never felt that way. I didn't feel like I was good enough to be a part of daily life. Again, I'm working on that. I'm doing my best to realize it's okay to be who I am.

If I'm being honest with you, I love who I am. That does not mean I don't have days where I look at people around me and wish I was like them. There are still days I see how successful my peers are and wish I could be like them. There are still days I wish my disability didn't exist, but it makes me who I am and I actually love it.

There are days when I don't feel good enough, but thankfully, I have people who surround me and love me well. They see the good in me and they let me know. They tell me what I need to hear when I've been hard on myself. They look at me and they see something completely different.

Being good enough isn't important. As long as I see myself in a positive way, I don't care if I'm not worthy of other's approval. I don't need it in the long run. There may be days when I feel worthless and empty, but I know I'm harder on myself than I should be.

So, here's to right now. Here's to becoming confident and believing in myself. Here's to realizing how important I am. Here's to knowing I am good enough. I am important and I am needed in this world.

30 Things I'd Rather Be Than 'Pretty'

Nowadays, we put so much emphasis on our looks. We focus so much on the outside that we forget to really focus on what matters. I was inspired by a list that I found online of "Things I Would Rather Be Called Instead Of Pretty," so I made my own version. Here is a list of things that I would rather be than "pretty."

1. Captivating

I want one glance at me to completely steal your breath away.

2. Magnetic

I want people to feel drawn to me. I want something to be different about me that people recognize at first glance.

3. Raw

I want to be real. Vulnerable. Completely, genuinely myself.

4. Intoxicating

..and I want you addicted.

5. Humble

I want to recognize my abilities, but not be boastful or proud.

6. Exemplary

I want to stand out.

7. Loyal

I want to pride myself on sticking out the storm.

8. Fascinating

I want you to be hanging on every word I say.

9. Empathetic

I want to be able to feel your pain, so that I can help you heal.

10. Vivacious

I want to be the life of the party.

11. Reckless

I want to be crazy. Thrilling. Unpredictable. I want to keep you guessing, keep your heart pounding, and your blood rushing.

12. Philanthropic

I want to give.

13. Philosophical

I want to ask the tough questions that get you thinking about the purpose of our beating hearts.

14. Loving

When my name is spoken, I want my tenderness to come to mind.

15. Quaintrelle

I want my passion to ooze out of me.

16. Belesprit

I want to be quick. Witty. Always on my toes.

17. Conscientious

I want to always be thinking of others.

18. Passionate

...and I want people to know what my passions are.

19. Alluring

I want to be a woman who draws people in.

20. Kind

Simply put, I want to be pleasant and kind.

21. Selcouth

Even if you've known me your whole life, I want strange, yet marvelous. Rare and wondrous.

22. Pierian

From the way I move to the way I speak, I want to be poetic.

23. Esoteric

Do not mistake this. I do not want to be misunderstood. But rather I'd like to keep my circle small and close. I don't want to be an average, everyday person.

24. Authentic

I don't want anyone to ever question whether I am being genuine or telling the truth.

25. Novaturient

..about my own life. I never want to settle for good enough. Instead I always want to seek to make a positive change.

7 Therapeutic Self-Care Methods

Living as college students, we can be easily overwhelmed by trying to balance a fulfilling school and social life that we tend to put or mental and physical health off to the side as something secondary. Here are seven therapeutic self-care methods i use to cope with my everyday.

1. Making Playlists & Exploring New Music

Listening to music can be such a cleansing experience. Take the time to do a deep dive into some tunes that just might do that for you.

2. Studying in a Cafe

Nothing feels better than a productive day on a rainy day with a cup of coffee. Although self-care methods are traditionally not associated with doing work, I love knowing that I am getting a lot of things done which washes away some of my worries about the overload of work.

3. Walking a short distance instead of Lyfting

Although we do have the convenience of lyft and uber to go anywhere, I try to walk once in a while if it is a short distance. Because we are unable to find time to exercise every single day, it's important for our bodies to receive a bit of exercise which can be incorporated into our daily lives. It always feels good after a long walk home.

4. Writing thank you letters to people you love and appreciate

Even though it might feel cheesy to write a letter out of the blue, writing letters helps you deeply reflect about the friendships and relationships you have in your life and make you appreciate little things. Aside from the therapeutic effect of writing letters, people around you will also feel warm & nice to receive a letter from you.

5. Skin Care Routines

The perfect way to unwind the day is to make some time for skin care. Skin care isn't just a practical method to make your skin look healthier but it connotes relaxation and a night for yourself. If you have time in the morning, it is also a really refreshing way to start out your day.

6. Planning Ahead - Future Trips and Events

One way I'm comforted about my worries and uncertainties about the future is to plan ahead, even if that means months ahead. Physically putting down what you have to do actually helps eliminate the stress that comes from thinking there is so much to do and it also helps you stay organized.

7. Cook For Yourself!

Cooking for yourself once in a while keeps you not only healthy but also allows you some time to focus on one thing instead of your thoughts wandering off to your worries. I personally love cooking eggs for breakfast and a small avocado toast to start off my day.