Saturday, July 26, 2008

You're So Sly and I Am So Envious Yet Hopeful

It's so unlike you to be with me when you appear to be nowhere. But it's so like you to be there when I've finally think I can't go on anymore. How could I expect any less of you? There's a reason why the higher power brought you to me. It's the same reason you still think of me when there are so many seemingly better things to take up your thoughts. It's because we are together in this. Why did I ever doubt that?

I will write that story now, but it will be happier. I'll send it to you when it's finished. I can hear your voice now: "Natalie, I wouldn't say that." I'll reply saying it's only a story, but all the while hoping that some day you will say such a thing. I hope they let you come home so we can see that new Star Wars movie together. I hope they let you come home so I can try and bribe you to come to Prom with me. I hope they let you come home so we can rock out on my deck again.

I hope they let you come home.

But in the meantime, I know your secret. I know your alias. And it's enough for me to know that you are thinking of me when I so desparately need you. Hah, Tommy Powers, you're so sly.

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One of my friends told me today that she new what she was going to do with her life. And she really does. She and a few other friends are going to spread Christianity across the world through missionary work. I am simply amazed by this. To me, to know how you are going to change this world is a wonderful thing. I don't exactly know how I am going to change the world, but I am nonetheless. So each action I take is considered under the thought of "this might be how I change the world". I envy this friend for not have to consider each action with that thought in mind. She just follows the path she has made for herself. How simple life must seem.

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How odd. Last night at this time I felt so low and as if all was lost. I felt that the only thing to do was to change how I was living my life--to live only so long as I am happy. So I began down that path. Now, however, I feel so full of joy and hope that nothing can really bring me down. It seems as if the world is my oyster. Yesterday I told a girl who reminds me of my younger self that as long as you live to be happy you will end doing what you are supposed to be doing and be where you are supposed to be.