Thursday, May 14, 2009

- How the holy hell did the Twins win today? Naturally the game wasn't on television, because there's far too much fishing, racing, and poker to be shown on Fox Sports during the day, so I couldn't watch it in our conference room, but I had the gamecast from MLB.com up on my computer at my desk in my big office on the 30th floor with the big window. Justin Verlander was mowin' down fools, like I warned he would, with twelve strikeouts of idiotic Twins' hackers and no runs allowed through six. Scott Baker the home run maker had matched him through five, also giving up no runs (which I assume meant the Tigers were hitting a lot of line drives right at defenders), but then came the inevitable implosion in the top of the sixth. The Tigers lit him up for five runs in the inning, which included a hit by Adam Everett (ADAM. FREAKING. EVERETT.)

At this point I mercifully had a meeting which I would love to tell you all about but I wasn't paying attention because it was boring and I was busy thinking about my girl Bianca Kajlich:

So when I get back to my desk, the Twins have somehow won 6-5. I have no idea how. It appears Verlander's arm was pretty much about to fall off when they brought him out in seventh (ended up with 122 pitches) and he promptly (after striking out Crede of course) gave up a rare hit to Buscher and a walk to Punto and was yanked for Bobby Seay - who I have decided to call the Matt Guerrier of Detroit. Seay got just one out and gave up three hits and a walk to lose the game. Actually, Crede got the game-winning hit off Zach Miner, but Seay definitely Jesse Crained this one.

And of course, Gardy got thrown out for being an idiot. I love when he throws his gay little temper tantrums. It really makes me proud to have him as a manager. Well, that and his gameday genius. Like batting Matt Tolbert second. Second. Right after first. Between the next Ricky Henderson and the Baby Jesus. Essentially guaranteeing the Twins could never get three hits in a row to start a game. Because Tolbert sucks, you see.

He is, of course, hitting just .200 now after a stellar 0-4 today, in which he decided to not even come close to making good contact. Sure, 30 at bats so far this year is a pretty small sample size, but I feel pretty comfortable saying that his ceiling is Denny Hocking.

Let's go ahead and ignore the hitting second thing, and instead point out that Brendan Harris should probably be the everyday second basemen, especially over Tolbert who has now started in EVERY SINGLE GAME SINCE HE WAS CALLED UP. All 8. Go ahead and count it. I'll wait.

It's just so frustrating to have a jackass like this as manager. It's like that manager in little league who plays his kid over players who are better, except he's running a multi-million dollar business.

Back to Brendan Harris. He's hitting .309/.360/.441 so far this season. Those numbers put him 10th, 12th, and 12th amongst second basemen in the majors. Better average than Chase Utley. Better OBP than Dan Uggla. Better slugging pct. than Dustin Pedroia. Plus he can play three positions. Yet he's behind Tolbert, Punto, and even Buscher. Makes zero sense, except, like I Hate Cuddyer Guy said, "It's just because Gardy is a fucking dipshit who plays favorites right?"

Plus, check out this story from The Todd. Originally relayed here in the comments, but it deserves to be promoted to main post status:

[I was fortunate enough to attend the Twins game this afternoon, compliments of work.

And as luck would have it, a coworker of mine seems to know EVERYone. He played college ball at St. Thomas so that has to say something right?

Anyway, he informed me during the game that Brenden Harris has been bangin some UofM chick for a while now and when he does, insists that the doors be open so all the girls in her house can hear it (classy if you ask me).

Moving on, he's wanted and has been pressuring her like hell to have a three some with some other chick in the house. Well apparently this all came to a head last weekebd (or two), said chick broke down whilst wasted calling the cops etc etc. Harris now has a restraining order against that entire house. Or so he says.

God I love baseball!

I need another drink.]

How do you NOT start that guy?

- Speaking of the Twins, do you remember the god awful pitching rotation the Tigers of 2003 trotted out? You remember, the team was terrible and everyone knew they were going to be terrible and overall the ended up losing 119 games? It was supposed to be a group of young bucks who would eventually develop into something special but out of Mike Maroth, Jeremy Bonderman, Nate Cornejo, Adam Bernero, and Gary Knotts not one of them has pitched an inning in 2009 and only Bonderman has a shot at being anything at all.

Well, those guys, who combined to go 25-77, had a combined ERA that year of 5.50. The Twins five "young guns" this year have a combined ERA of 5.17.

I don't know if there is any specific agreement, but I do know that that nazi who donated all the money put the logo in every single possible nook and cranny of that arena making it mucho work and very expensive to replace the logo.

And hey, shouldn't the ticker at the top say the "first place" Twins are still terrible? I guess technically they are behind by percentage points, but at this point in the season it counts as being tied for first.

I knew somebody would go with the defense angle. Anybody can play second base. That's where you put the second worst fielder on the team (after right field). As long as he doesn't fall down crying if a ball is hit to him, he's fine.