Posts Tagged ‘E’

Just call me diet kitty! You'll lose weight running and hiding if you live with me.

What makes EK so mean?

This is E.K (Evil Kitties). We found her on the road. We took her into our house and took care of her. Now she is evilly insane. She killed all of our pet hamsters and fish. She hates everyone and will only be nice when she’s hungry. She scratches the dogs whenever they come too close. In fact, she hurt one of our dog’s eyes, and now the dog can’t see out of that eye. She doesn’t even get along with our other cat. EK chases the other cat away every time she tries to eat. Now the cat is very skinny, and this cat used to be obese.

I have several scars from her on my arms, just from being to close to her. EK spends her days in the back of the closet where no one can get her. She comes out to eat, then she escapes into the garage through the hole she chewed in the door. She spends about 22 hours of her day hiding, then the rest eating.

Is that a kitten masquerading as a camera I see? I think I'll wrassle it!

What makes Elvis so mean?

This is Elvis, my sweet-natured Fluff-Daddy. He is affectionate, friendly and loves to snuggle. He loves people and his feline sisters. Why is he a meankitty? You’ll need to ask Ozzie, my dwarf dutch bunny. Elvis is under the impression that Ozzie is a kitten. He tries very hard to engage Ozzie in kitty-play by straddling him and trying to flip him over onto his back, all the while biting and digging his claws into Ozzie’s little face and ears. Elvis is also under the impression that while I’m sleeping, my bare forearm is a kitten, as are my stocking feet. Elvis is also a meankitty because he steals my cat Tinky’s favorite catbed – shaped like an alligator. Tinky was the “baby” until Elvis weaseled his way into the household.

Elvis is thinking about leaving the building--to chase the flying bunny!

If Elvis is awake, nothing else exists. I can’t do any of my hobbies like needlepoint or scrapbooking because he steals all my stuff and chews it up.

In the blurred photo you will see Elvis in the lower right side watching a black streak leap across the room. The black streak is Ozzie.

Echo (the grey) is the world’s worst kitty guest! She came to our house to be cat-sat and ended up ruling the roost. She tormented our other cats ceaselessly, chasing them to and fro and back and forth until they all went outside to hide.

When they did that, Echo, who had been an inside cat all her life, decided she must go outside to torment them more. This was on the day that her owners were due to fetch her. Wily as a cat, she slipped out the front door and was gone, searching for those local kitties, before we could say “Hey, come back here!”

It was raining that day, a miserable soaking drizzle, and the weather was cold. We tramped around outside, calling and calling for that d*mn cat. We found our cats, hiding out in the shed, but no sign of the Houdini Echo.

Her owner was not best pleased when he arrived to pick up his beloved bed buddy. Sweet butterball Echo (that’s what HE thought of her) was lost in the rainy wilderness. However, with one call of the owner’s voice, we all heard a piteous mewing commence. Following it to its source, there crouched Echo, 30 feet up an oak tree shivering miserably on a branch. Coaxing her to come down was now the owner’s job, thank goodness, and we never cat-sat for her again, not that we were asked to.

I like to get in the closet and shed on my human slave's carefully dry-cleaned clothing, too. You should try it, it's fun!

What makes Edloe so mean?

Edloe is a 10 year-old grumpy glutton of a cat, having gone from a standoffish and aloof wallflower to a possessive and grouchy blob of fur and attitude since her natural mother passed on a few years back.

She now spends her few waking hours bossing around the other three cats and the two humans she owns. Once any of her rivals goes outside for a walk, she plops herself by the back door to growl and swat at them if they try to come back inside. She also bosses the others around the moment when fresh food is placed in the bowls.

The moment my wife heads off to the kitchen or bathroom during a movie, she comes back to find Edloe’s stolen her spot in the big comfy chair and refuses to give up space. The same goes for the couch…the value of any spot is measured by how much somebody else wants it.

Prime real-estate is the bed. If any other cat wants to be the bedcat, she either drives them away from the bed or rattles the blinds to annoy the humans into letting her have her way. Once she’s in place as bedcat, she shoves the humans aside to maximize her sprawl-space.

This is Elvis. He is the meanest cat in the whole world. None of my friends will look after him when I go away as he attacks them. He pretends to be all nice and rubs up against them, then his eyes glaze over and he goes for the kill. He loves me, though.

I prefer to be called "Most Magnificent Silky One", but do they comply? No. So I'll drown my sorrows in this chicken soup.

What makes Elmo so mean?

This is Elmo. We brought this fluffy kitty home from the shelter nine years ago. I will never forget this event and its lasting affect upon my psyche. Elmo is not a good name for a female, hence her hatred for those in this world. Her mother calls her Princess Puffalump; I call her Elmo Bin Laden. One of her hobbies is to scratch my eyelids and nose when I dare to fall asleep.

Elmo likes to be mean in a personal way. She always makes eye contact with me before inserting her teeth into my arm. She has deposited hairballs in my shoes countless times. Even our 80 pound Labrador trembles in her presence. I believe she may be one of the signs of the Apocalypse.

I'm yawning, yes, but maybe food will fall into my mouth if I hold it open!

What makes Eek so mean?

Eek tips the scales at 32 pounds (although he is very agile) so he doesn’t really need to be mean he cuts quite an imposing figure even if he is just yawning…yes he is yawning not begging for food in this picture!

I have another cat, Salem, and Emily and Blossom spend hours beating him up so he sleeps in the garden to avoid them. If he comes into the house and snoozes in a chair, whack, kitty claw across his head and another one biting his tail. Poor Salem just hisses and runs through the catflap so fast that he nearly takes it with him.

Emily is the ginger/white one, Blossom is white with brown and grey-black patches. They were litter trained when we got them but seem to be going through a rebellious phrase of hiding behind the cooker or fridge and leaving an unpleasant message. When they started going behind the sofa, where I keep my handbag, is when I had the most trouble. of view from visitors or burglars. Here I am, ready to go out to an important Town Hall meeting where I attend with councillors to discuss educational matters, my best suit on instead of my scraggy Levis, and I picked up my handbag to find a very diarrheic brown splodge all over the inside. Yes, one of the little monsters had crawled inside the handbag and left me a message I would not forget in a hurry.

If I could flip a bird with this claw…

I happened three times since, so now I leave my new handbag on top of a very high shelf. So now they favor my shoes, basketfuls of ironing, and the sofa itself.

You cannot hear this over the internet but I am screaming RIGHT NOW! Without moving my lips. It is a high level SOHC skill.

What makes Elle so mean?

Elle was born right here in our house. The second her mouth and lungs were clear, she started screaming. For the first few months of her life, she screamed almost all the time. Anybody who’s ever had a screamer kitty knows that this can drive a slave out of his or her skull in no time.

Elle, of course, loved the fact that every slave in the house bowed and scraped before her in an attempt to please her. We offered the choicest kitty food, the best treats, fresh water (free of dog drool, even) and the greatest toys. Elle screamed anyway.

Then, for a while, Elle stopped. We enjoyed those brief weeks of silence.

But that did not last long. Elle was once again discontent with the universe and rarely lets us forget it!

Talking about things that make me want to scream… I hate Christmas carols!

And when Elle isn’t screaming her lungs out, she’s keeping the dogs and other cats in their proper places: beneath her paws. She beats up puppies. She beats up the other cats. She even beats up human ankles and shins when she’s in a foul mood.

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Meankitty's been online since 1999 or thereabouts. Srsly.

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