Wednesday, October 29, 2008

There was a decree put out by my father when I was a wee one that all tiny females in our house would be of the piggy tail wearing variety for as long as possible. I was happy to oblige and for most of my formative years I was a staunch long haired girl. I loved it. I used to put it in hot rollers every. single. day of high school. Then about a week before graduation I decided I wanted short hair with my cap and gown and I made my mother hack most of it off. That was 14 years ago and I've been a shortie ever since. And I like it just fine thank you very much.

But. I will confess that sometimes after a little too much Gossip Girl I fantasize a bit about having long flowing locks again. So I admit that tonight when I bought the brown wig I am using for my Halloween costume (you'll see), I might have spent kind of a silly amount of time playing with it in front of the mirror. I love my short hair but there is something super girly about a nice cascade down your back.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I am taking a little vacation for the next few days. Getting on a plane to go watch some friends get hitched, hold a baby, hang with family, stay up too late with friends, eat some good food, see a couple of bridges, take more photos then I need and enjoy weather that doesn't freeze my bones.

I'll leave you with this old song that came on in the car tonight and made me even more excited about the next few days of doing nothing but connecting. Hip hip!

Friday, October 17, 2008

My friend Jed loves Donny Hathaway. When he was at my house a few weeks ago, he introduced me to this version of "You've Got A Friend" featuring Donny and Roberta Flack. I got lots of lovely calls and messages and votes of confidence from many, many good friends this week and feel beyond blessed at all the fantastic people in my life right now. Thanks to so many of you for making me feel so loved during a bit of a rough spot. Things are looking way up.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Monday, October 13, 2008

In about four hours, I will be 32 years old. That seems so old when I say it out loud. It also sounds really old when you hear yourself saying it to the 25 year old boys that make up the bulk new fall crop in your ward. Roast.

To be perfectly frank, I'm not sad to see 31 go. I was just reading some of my restless "what am I doing with my life?" posts from the fall of 2007 and I realize now that I definitely, definitely set myself up for a pretty humbling year. I don't think you can ask the universe for an opportunity to grow without accepting that it might just knock you right over first.

And so tonight, I'm doing something a bit unusual for me and for this blog and I'm writing a fairly religious post. I am usually fairly private about this kind of stuff because it's so personal. But I feel like I can't write in any honest away about the way I'm feeling about this last year without it. So off I go. You've been fairly warned!

It's not a big secret that this year has been a tough one. And I say that with the full acknowledgement that I have a very good life and have been blessed in more ways then I can count. I understand that many of my struggles seem awfully superficial in the face of poverty and war and economic despair. So I am keeping my year of personal disappointment and struggle in perspective. That said, I started crying about something last Saturday morning and I have been at it on some level every since. I'm worn out from a year of wanting a change, praying for a change, holding my breathe through job interviews, major decisions about a move that was evenly split between pros and cons, the move itself and all the mixed emotions, seven months in a city I just can't seem to gel with like I want to, family and friends that are almost all too far away and a job that I am not rocking like I am used to rocking. I'm worn out and tired of hearing myself complain about it in conversations with friends and blog posts and certainly tired of whining about it in my prayers pretty much every night.

So yesterday in church, the Second Counselor in our Bishopric and his wife spoke. It's always a treat to hear her speak-she was a big time journalist for years until they got married and she decided to leave her job to raise a couple of cute cute kids. She's a good speaker anyway but since she got married when she was a little older and had a great career before that, her talks resonate particularly well with me. She basically talked about how being a good kid and doing everything right and trying your best doesn't mean that life will always be smooth sailing. Which is something I think most of us get intellectually but then when we find ourselves in the midst of a major trial it feels like "why is this happening to me?? I'm trying so hard! I'm doing what You asked!" And then it's really easy to just feel like you've been left alone. At least it is for me. She talked a lot about learning from these dark hours and shared a story about a chicken hatching exhibit she took her kids to a few weeks ago. As they watched the little chickie struggle to get out of her shell her daughter turned to her with big sad eyes and said, "we have to help her mommy!" And of course she had to explain like many, many mothers have to four years olds the world over that the chick needs to get out of that shell on it's own if it's going to be able to grow up healthy and strong. I've been wondering today how many times in my life I will find myself back in that shell and thinking about how I want to make sure every time I learn a little bit more about how to crack out of it. She closed her talk just reminding us that the Lord really doesn't leave us alone but sometimes it's up to us to quiet down so we can hear His voice. I cried through the whole talk. And not just a little bit-the big heaving sort of crying that you can't pass off as being tired or having something in your eye. I'm sure there were plenty of folks in the room that appreciated her talk but it felt kind of like she was talking right to me.

I really tried to have a quiet day today but I have this overactive brain and I just got so overwhelmed by work and life that I ended up at my friend Matt's house pouring out my guts to a guy who has been a wonderfully wise ear and shoulder since my first Boston tour of duty. He ended up giving me a blessing and it was like peace and calm could finally find a way into my chaos. I came home feeling like there are still a lot of question marks and things to worry about but I feel certain of God's nearness in my life, of His concern for me and His willingness to help when I ask for it.

People sometimes say that religion is a crutch and I guess to that I say, well OK, I'll take a crutch if that's what I need to go from feeling desperately sad to wildly hopeful and peaceful in the space of a few hours.

31 was really hard. Productive, growing, stretching, but hard. I'm ready for 32 to be less dramatic.

I'm leaving you with a performance of one of my very favorite religious songs. I've always loved the lines

"Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love, Here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above"

Friday, October 10, 2008

I cannot for the life of me understand people who pay good money to go to a concert and then proceed to heckle the artist and generally behave like idiots. And here's a tip, if you only know one of his songs, don't go to the show and start yelling for that song 10 minutes in. It's the big hit, he's going to play it, but some of us are what we call "fans" and we'd like to just let the man play.

I went to see Ray Lamontagne at the Boston Opera House tonight. Beautiful venue, sold out crowd, I made friends with the cute little Spanish tourists sitting next to me-it was such a perfect beginning. And then it felt like someone let a bunch of drunken junior high school kids loose all over the place. There were people shouting non-stop for his major hit pretty much right after the first song. Then there were probably five or six jerks in the balcony who were mimicking the way he sang and the couple in front of me having a conversation at full volume during a quiet song when the place was otherwise silent. Finally, the loudest offender was escorted out by security and when someone yelled, "let him play what he wants," and the audience cheered I think it sent a message to shut. thehell. up. But even at the encore, Ray himself stopped playing a few bars in and asked that someone in the front row be thrown out. I was as mad as a little hornet and felt especially embarrassed after the show when my new friends told me that in Spain, "nobody cries at the singer."

Who ARE these people??? Do we not know the difference between a performance and a baseball game?

Thursday, October 09, 2008

I haven't been feeling particularly creative lately. I have a long mental list of things I want to write about and none of it is coming together like I want it to. I'm sorry, I have to jumpstart my brain and writing about music often does that for me. So we are playing i-pod shuffle today. 10 songs, in order, no skipping, a little blurb on each one.

1. A Change is Gonna Come-Sam Cooke

Who writes good protest songs anymore? It's one thing to take swipes at specific politicians and quite another to come up with something thoughtful and subtle. I am so tired of this election and all the hysteria coming from both sides. I am ready for everyone to stop talking and start acting. And although I think many of you know which way I am voting, I am pretty convinced that either candidate will be a refreshing change from the current yahoos (sorry dad.) Anyway, this song has great lyrics, Sam Cooke has such a smooth voice and in less then a month, change is comin' whether you like it or not.

2. Thank God I'm A Country Boy-John Denver

Some of the first things I can remember about my life are the times my dad would play John Denver and Neil Diamond songs on the guitar for my brother and me. There are several songs that I can still see him throwing back his head and singing with wild abandon-a characterisic my laid back dad rarely exhibits. Thank God I'm a Country Boy, Grandma's Feather Bed and Kentucky Woman are those songs. A few years ago pops gave me John Denver's greatest hits for my birthday and I knew every last word to this song even though I hadn't heard it in years. It's really too bad we lost Mr. Denver so early. Dude knew how to write a song.

*note, this is a fan video for the show "Alias" but whatever, the song is the point.

3. Falling-Ben Kweller

This might be one of my favorite love songs of all time. Doesn't it just seem like the perfect soundtrack to a romantic montage from some cheesy chick flick? Except that it's not cheesy, it's more like totally awesome? It just feels like the first little while when you like someone and everything they say is funny or brilliant and every text or call makes your head kind of explode in a good way. Like there are balloon launches happening in your stomach or something. That's what this song feels like. Internal exploding balloon launches.

4. The Hit Parade-Unkle Bob

Corey and I were driving somewhere in California and this song came on and I couldn't pay attention to what she was saying anymore. It's sad, he wants to forget her but also still kind of wants her to love him. I'll tell you that it was a perfect soundtrack for some of my favorite runs at Crystal Cove, a place I'm definitely still trying to get over.

5. Time After Time-Eva Cassidy

I've already posted about this song on this blog. So I'm letting you watch Cindy Lauper sing with Sarah McLachlan because they are both awesome. And anytime you add strings to a song that didn't have them before I am happy.

6. Dead Men's Will-Iron and Wine

YES! What a happy accident that this song means I get to talk about the fact that FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS IS BACK!!! This song was on some really sad scene in season one when both Tim Riggins and Matt Saracen were losing at life which is to say, I don't even remember specifically which episode it was. It's only on DirecTV this year which means I have to keep asking my friend with the Dish to let a few us come over to watch it but I feel like I'm amongst family again. The season premiere felt a little forced but last night's was right back to family drama and teen love and the boys on the field. My little show. I love you.

7. This Year's Love-David Gray

For about a year after my mission and a year of my time working for the Olympics I lived with two of my favorite girls in a cute little house on a cute little street in cute little Sugarhouse. I loved my job, I had a fun group of friends, I was dating for the first time in my life and I had this wonderful gigantic bedroom in the basement of our house. There are four or five albums from that time period that I played to death to death to death. White Ladder from David Gray was one of those CD's I wore through. My sister and I went to see him at Salt Air one night and made friends with a funny red haired kid who shared his M&M's with us and it was wonderful. I still listen to David Gray from time to time but it nearly always makes me feel homesick.

8. I See You, You See Me-The Magic Numbers

OH I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH! The Magic Numbers are two sets of brother-sister siblings (it will probably not surprise you that it would be a fantasy of mine to be in a band with my sibs and travel all over the world in a little musical bubble with in-laws and kids and puppies running about backstage)and they sound like heaven when you see them live. I put this song on a CD for my friend Emily a million years ago and knew we would be fast friends when she became as obsessed with it as I was. It makes me think of Boston in the fall which is terribly appropriate for today.

9. Meditate-INXS

In 12th grade a girl named Sarah moved into my ward from Modesto, California. She was living with her older sister who had a tall handsome husband and a beautiful baby and could pull off red lipstick. Sarah was like a fascinating alien to me. She dressed in vintage clothes and wore platform shoes and carried a purse instead of a backpack to school. She wanted to be a furniture designer and she made friends with all the dirty boys in the South Hall. Her last name was Italian and fun to say and she'd been to raves but was still a really good girl. She was beautiful and cool and incredibly confident and if I didn't feel like I fit in at school, Sarah DEFINITELY didn't fit in. But for some reason she and I hit it off at church her first Sunday and soon we were BFF like can happen in 20 seconds when you are a teenager. She was one of the girls that helped me realize there was probably life beyond the Wasatch Front and my 17 year old concerns for my future. The Valentine's Dance that year was a girl's choice but I didn't want to go and she didn't want to go so instead we went to the second concert of my life which was INXS at the Salt Palace. It felt all grownup and slightly dangerous to me to be at a rock concert while everyone our age was dancing awkwardly in the gym at school. I lost contact with Sarah after I went off to college and she drifted out of Utah. I like to think she's living in San Francisco in some beautiful space she designed herself, making furniture for her and lovely things for everyone around her. She was smart and creative and not afraid to be her outside the norm self and I think of her pretty much anytime I hear this song. It also has my name in it which is cool.

10. Miss Independent-Ne Yo

My friend Delvique's phone plays this song when you call her. I get her voicemail a lot so I've heard it through more then a few times and the lyrics kinda got me.

Ooh there's something about Kinda woman that can do for herself I look at her and it makes me proud There's something about her

Something, ooh, so sexy about Kinda woman that don't even need my help

She's got her own thing That's why I love her

Come on, how could I resist a celebration of the independent girl? And whatever, it's the first Ne-Yo song to hit my iPod either. Leave me alone.

And there we go. I feel like a million times more creatively juicy then before!

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Monday, October 06, 2008

I think I have made mention of the Fleet Foxes a few times in the last six months. I fell in love with them before I left California and have been dying to see them pretty much since first listen. So you might find it odd that although I carried around a page from the local paper announcing their October show for two months I never bothered to buy tickets. And by the time I did get around to it they were sold out. Fortunately a friend who saw them in New York this weekend talked me into just going to the venue anyway and I ended up tucked in the Sommerville Theater by my little self this evening for one of the more awesome live shows of ever.

It's kind of amazing that a bunch of guys who look kind of homeless can sound like an angel choir but hot damn they have got the most incredible harmonies. Which I know from listening to the album all summer but hearing them live was completely different. You know that feeling you get when someone whose hands you really like touches the back of your neck? That's what it felt like to me. These guys write the kind of music that feels like it's filling up all the space in your car or your room or the theater. You can actually feel yourself getting folded into it.

I've been really spoiled with music in the last few weeks. I'm trying to stay humble but the rest of the year will have it's work cut out for it.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

I had a very nice weekend of running, catching up on the phone with friends, listening to conference, cleaning the house and sleeping in. It was heavenly. One of the highlights was finally watching the movie The Way We Were. I won't spoil it for anyone but here are a few observations:

1. Robert Redford is a very, very good looking man2. I would take every piece of clothing in Barbara Streisand's wardrobe and wear them now3. They just don't make movies like they used to

Here is Babs singing the theme song from the movie. That lady can sure sing.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Two nights ago my friend and I got to talking about the band Sigur Ros and the country of Iceland. We talked about how awesome they are and we should go there to see what kind of a place inspires such creative music. He mentioned wanting to learn Icelandic.

The next morning, the Steep and Cheap email was all about Sigur Ros. My friend got an Amazon book suggestion about learning unusual languages and my email from the Anthrologie list today is a catalogue all shot in-you guessed it-Iceland.

It almost seems dumb not to get just get on a plane and see what the universe is so insistent about.