Thoughts and observations of my life as I am going through mid-life changes. I am a mom dealing with depression, a child with Asperger's, an abusive ex-husband, plus
moving back home with my parents to help take care of them and now my grandmother and both parent's death in just a fourteen month timespan. Simply put my house is full of chaos.
As I start to walk this new path I will leave a trail of stories for you to follow. Thanks for traveling with me.

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Monday, July 18, 2011

Going For a Walk

When I lived in Kentucky and got severely depressed I started taking walks at night. It helped me so much. The act of getting out of the apartment and forcing myself to move helped bring life back to me. So many days before that I would just hide away in my apartment and would only eat the potatoes that I managed to afford with change I found on the street. On good weeks I might be able to afford a little meat. Back then my depression I think was because I was lonely, I couldn't find a job and my world was just a downward spiral to nothing.

I lived there for 355 days. Finally I called and asked for my parents to hep me move back back home. The time I spent in that small town was a pivotal time of my life. Oddly enough it was that move back to my home town that allowed me to meet my husband. It was walking that brought me back to life enough to ask to come back home. Walking in the still of the night listening to the sounds of the crickets and breathing in the fresh country air.

Walking is something I have been craving lately, walking at night, specifically. The problem with that is it is me and the kids at night. One parent, with no way to walk at night without hiring a babysitter for the kids. I thought about getting a treadmill, that would let me walk but it is being outside at night that is my magic. I am a night owl and I need a way to get the outdoors at night back into my life.

Finally this weekend I figured it out. Why hadn't I figured this out before? I took the kids with me. We watched a movie after Daddy left for work. When the movie was over we ventured out into the night. The sun had just set and the air was much cooler than it was earlier in the day. The kids were thrilled. I don't know if it was because I was going for a walk with them or if they thought they were cheating on bedtime, but they were so happy.

We smelled a skunk, luckily the scent was fading. As we walked my daughter was fascinated by the colored lights in front of many of the houses. We wound our way around the neighborhood and listened to the crickets, sadly there were no fireflies. P found a broken hockey stick blade and carried his treasure with him for the rest of the walk. He discovered that if he flicked a broken thin piece of wood on the blade that he could make music.

My daughter became the crossing guard. She protectively would put her arm up to keep us from going into the street until she declared it safe. We still need to work on how far away a car needs to be to be a risk for crossing streets. She would keep us from crossing the street if she saw a car 5 or 6 blocks away. She got a lot of practice tonight with all the streets we crossed.

We came back around the curve and saw the house. Our cat Butterscotch greeted us with a meow and trotted up to us. We all went back into the house and we went through our normal bedtime routine. I ask each one to share with me something good that happened today and something they didn't like. We talk about anything that worries them or anything they need to talk to me about. Then the usual hug and kiss and off to bed. A bonus tonight, which I am sure resulted from the night time walk was they both went right to bed and fell asleep easily.

I felt wonderful after the walk and I hope we can continue doing this almost every night. I sent out more job applications yesterday and keep looking for a place to move to. The car my parents had fixed up for me so I could get out ASAP and would have transportation when I found a place to move too instead went to my brother. They are looking for another car for me. I keep looking for a job and a place I can afford that is safe or my children. I am on a waiting list for free attorney service to get the divorce. Everything is in motion and now so am I.

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About Me

I am a Mommy. All my life that is what I wanted to be. I also am an elementary school teacher. At the moment I am a substitute teacher. I may not have my own classroom but I care about every one of my students like I would if I was their regular teacher.
I recently left my husband. What started as a great marriage fell apart over the years into an emotional abusive relationship from him to me. The more independent I got the meaner he got.
Finally among a family crisis he decided to leave the country to go to a sporting event. I had an opportunity to leave and I took it.
So starts another new beginning for me.