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Urinal Racing and Cannibalism

Well, one of the up sides of having the new Retriever Activities Center built around me is that they have those new motion sensor bathrooms. Like everything in them runs on motion sensors. The urinals, the toilets, the sinks, the diaper changing machines, everything. I think my favorite thing to do is to wave my arms while I’m taking a whiz and watch the other urinals struggle to flush fast enough. Sometimes I have races with them. But not often. And usually when nobody else is in there. The one annoying thing about all this new technology in the RAC is that when I’m taking a dump and lean up to far, the damn thing flushes prematurely, serving as a bidet. Up until then, I had never really appreciated the purpose of a bidet, but I have to tell you that sometimes when I’m in another bathroom, I miss my bidet. Especially when I need to… I think I’m going to stop that sentence there. Anyway, my point is that a bidet can be practical sometimes. So maybe not all weird things French people do with their ass is bad.

After a long day of playing 4 volleyball matches on Saturday, the team took a trip to the Olive Garden for a nice team bonding dinner. We were all starving and we didn’t see food until about 45 minutes after we sat down. This turned out to be a problem. Clint and I were both famished and couldn’t think of anything else. He suggested that we start drawing straws to see who we were going to kill and eat like in that movie Alive. That’s not exactly what they did in Alive, but that’s not the point. Anyway, we started picking out potential people to eat. We couldn’t eat Milky because we needed him for the games on Sunday, and Drew was just too skinny for our hunger. He suggested Driz…