Planking

Courtney Stodden is in your meme, making you flash! The (extremely young) woman knows what she wants, and Courtney Stodden wants you to send her photos of your sexiest ground-centric poses. “Come get down & dirty w/me while we floor flash together! I showed you mine… now show me yours. I’ll RT the hottest!” Stodden tweeted, along with an inspiration photo. Stodden didn’t mention sprawling out by the fridge when describing her “princess life,” with husband Dough Hutchison but it’s there if you read between the lines. FABlifer Halle Kiefer (that’s me!) tried to get onboard Courtney’s flash train, but somehow there must be other, more sexy photos out there. If your mind can conceive of it. We’re not giving up hope yet, though. We sucked at planking at first too! Our natural instinct is to bend!

Here we just thought it looked stupid; turns out, lying face down like a board is actually a shout-out to the darkest period in our nation’s history. According to the rapper Xzibit, planking originated from slavery, rather than from the more bored corners of the Internet as we had assumed. “Planking is THE dumbest shit ever,” the rapper tweeted. “#Planking was a way to transport slaves on ships during the slave trade, its not funny. Educate yourselves. Dont get it twisted. I care less where your dumb asses lay face down and take pictures of the shit, I’m just telling you where it came from.” So wait…if planking came from one of the worst eras of American history, what other memes have their origins in a horrible tragedy of the past? Sad Keanu? Keyboard cat? HIPSTER DISNEY PRINCESSES?

“I’m having a full blown town meeting with people trying to defend planking. Lol. I wish this was about something important,” Xzibit tweeted as fans and detractors alike started to respond. This afternoon he defended himself against accusations that he called planking racist, explaining that he “never used the word at all, eh, what can you do?” Maybe next Xzibit can uncover exactly where this Nigel Thornberry business came from; it has to be from somewhere equally as disturbing.