Monday, January 21, 2008

Whole Heart Path to Creating a Healthy Relationship

Whole Heart Path to Creating a Healthy Relationship

Whether you are married or not, in a relationship or not, this column is for you.Creating healthy relationships begins with you creating a healthy relationship with yourself.Perhaps you've heard the expression, "Be the change you wish to see in the world." In other words, be the kind of person you want to be with.

S

ome of you may be thinking, "I'm already in a relationship and it's not with the person I necessarily want to be with.I would strongly recommend that you work on yourself to become the person you would like to be in a relationship with.After all, you can only change yourself.You can't change another person.If you are truly working on becoming the person you want be, living from your whole heart, your partner will either step up, or you will fall away.

We come together to cause one another to grow.We are all mirrors to each other.So it’s possible that as you grow into the person you want to be, your partner will also grow and change.Unfortunately, you can’t really be attached to that.You have to change for you and not for the other person.They may choose not to change.So here’s the challenge.It’s scary to start to change when you’re in a relationship because, well, what if the other person doesn’t want to change.We stay in our unhappy, lonely relationships because it’s familiar, safe and comfortable.We’re miserable but we don’t want to grow because we don’t know if our partner will grow with us.

The other side of the coin is that if you don’t change, you will never know if your partner would have stepped up to meet you.I think you have to get to a place of total surrender.When you would rather be single for the rest of your life than be in an unacceptable relationship, you will have an incredible amount of clarity and you will be willing to make the changes you need to make in your own life.The other person will either be inspired to grow to meet you or it will be obvious that it is over. Even if it ends, you have learned what you needed to learn with that person and now you can move on to attract the kind of relationship you have been wanting.

In the next article: What if I'm not in a relationship and I want to be in one?