Sunday, August 19, 2007

"But sir,you always scold only me,Because i am short,and because i sit in front bench you always point out at me,you don't say anything to the other girls"

11am to 11.40am the staff room becomes a fish market,utterchaos, confusion and the Studentssurround the teachers for everything and anything during the break time and the attender does a rope walk serving Coffee and the quota of two biscuits per teacher,Thankfully i don't need to wait for him,i have no regards for the coffee or the Britannia Marie biscuits,so i seriously concentrate on TOI which is scattered by pages on each table,i was on the collection spree,collecting page 14 from the colleague who rarely smiles and asking for the Bangalore times from the one who annoyingly plays high music on his mobile phone,Yeah,he carries his phone in the shirt pocket with the loud speaker on and Tamil music playing,and in midst of all this i heard a those words,coming back to my seat i tried looking at the direction where it came from.She is short,cute with her spectacles,controlling her frustration and trying hard to talk to the teacher with out letting her tears roll out of her eyes, One of her friend was trying to pacify and take her away but she was adament,she insists that he always scolds her and that today she was not making any noise but he still scolded her. "Because i am short you always notice me and make fun of me" she repeated.

I dont know what went on for the next 5 min but i just kept staring at her,i am not looking at her,her height or her tears, i am looking at the resolve of a girl who walks into the staff room to say that she is right and that she trusts herself while saying so.

I so wanted to talk to her,but i know it is wrong to involve when i am no where concerned,i just wished the teacher would clarify that the height was not an issue at all and that it dosnt matter,but No,he was busy clarifying other things.Do i involve or not? i knew i couldn and my dear collegue and friend who sits next to me and we both share a good friendship stopped me saying it wont be good if i spoke then.

She was going off,along with her friend,i just stood up and walked out of the room,she was there,in front of me,walking fast and furious still,i dont know her name,nothing,not even the class she is from,I need to tell her something,she was waiting near the lift,i just smiled and she looked at me,smiled back after a few seconds.Hesitantly a few words came out from me "Girl,never let others takeover your confidence,Does it matter that you are short or someone else is fat or lean? if they think so let them be,Be proud of who you are and you know what,you have a wonderful confidence which will help you turn your dreams to reality,By the way you are the one who won the first prize in Debate,Isn't it" Bright eyes,filled with laughter,smiling,enjoying all the credit which is due she replied "Yes ma'am,and ma'am i know you""Do you?" Yes ma'am,you won the Anthyakshari competition conducted for the faculty,i remember the last song which you sang,its my dad's favorite song,You teach Consumer Behaviour,My cousin is in your class........"

After spending ten min talking,laughing,smiling it was time for good bye,she was going up to the canteen,"we are celebrating,she says with pride,i won so i am giving a treat,ma'am,join us"No dear,you have fun, i have a class now.

Yes,i have a class now,but before that i have a word to talk to,to myself,to remind myself how it always affected me as a kid that i was fat,that i was tall and that i was always made to sit in the last bench,how i was laughed at,and how i had those tears welling up in my heart,but i did fight back, with my insecurities,stood up when i was right,fought back when i was humiliated,and i won,won over my insecurities ,it hurts to remember but i don't want to forget,i have more battles and it gives me strength to remember.

and while i was walking back to the staff room,i am greeted by my students,most of them with a smile,a few stopping to share a news,one stopping me to say that she had a fight with her best friend,a group rushing to me saying that they won the cricket match and one boy waiting for me to clear his doubts in Leverage Analysis and i have a class waiting for me to deal with Ethics in Subliminal Advertising and i recollect that song which i sang at the anthakshari....

Sunday, August 12, 2007

I have done very few tags in three years of blogging,Yes,been three years already,SO many things changed,but then Things change,so do people and here i am,Writing 7 Random things about myself:) I was tagged by two Food bloggers,Yup the current craze is food blogging and i do have one for myself .

I am a difficult person to deal with,I am a cleanliness freak,i am an order freak and i am crazy about being in control in whatever situation,Very few people who are close to me know me and how emotional i can be at times,if not for them the general impression about me is that i am Arrogant and that's a nice label which i wear proudly on my sleeve:),No harm,as long as i don't hurt anyone doesn't matter what you perceive about me,There are people who know me the other way and thank god for that;p

I am obsessive about music,When i hear a song i need to get it no matter what.There are times when i walked up to the reception of hotels to find what song they are playing and where can i get it and there was one time when the guy at the billing counter informed me that he got it all recorded personally and i cannot find such a combination in any music center, we convinced him to give us the CD for ten minutes,rushed to buy a new CD,went to a Net center,got it written and then went back to the restaurant to get back my friend whom we kept there in lue of the CD,yes,i did that:)

I started cooking exactly an year back,i started cooking after my marriage,before that i have never been into the kitchen to cook,No matter What.But to tell you the truth i hate cooking,i do it because i need to,and every cooking session for me is not an art but a science project which has to be completed with precision if you want correct results,thats how i cook,Precision,timed,Perfect combinations and using my head and not my heart,thats why i say i am not a good cook,I cook because i have no other choice:(

I don't forgive people easily,Well,thats what is said at least,I guess it depends,most of the times if i am hurt by the one who is close to me i don't forgive easily,if it is someone whom i don't know or who has no idea about me i take it much more easily,I am like that:)

If someone asks me what or whom i miss most about staying away from my family i would say My dogs,Yes, I mean it. They both are the two kiddos who love me to bits without any expectations and i miss the way they jump on to me and their innocent faces make me all happy and forget any pain in this world.

Each day i hum one song till the people around me get bugged,husband putting cotton in his ears,mom screaming in frustration and i do it silently even when i am in an important meeting or attending seminars. Sometimes even while sleeping i suddenly remember songs and it goes on in my head till i drift off into deep slumber.Today it was "Roz sham aathi thi,magar aisi na thi,roz roz ghata chaathi thi,magar aisi na thiye aaj mere zindagi mein....."

When i am stressed or restless or angry i start cleaning the house,or start scrubbing the tiles or s floor or even better,I start eating and if all these are not working then I sleep,and i am fine when i wake up:)Ok,one more...

I love rain,i just cannot resist drenching myself when the clouds are pouring,The best time was to stand in the beach and watch the waves meeting the rain drops,I did,I was there,there was water every where, my feet getting wet with the waves splashing the shore and the rain drops hitting my face,and i always remember it when i am watching rain.

Music,rain and silence,My favorite combination to be in love with myself,the Magic is woven at such moments:) The magic of falling in love with oneself,the magic of loving life,The magic of being alive and being able to feel it all.....Isn't life all about that unknown magic which weaves such moments which help us keep going on with life,Knowing there are uncertainties but we still look forward to such tomorrow, Hoping that there is a magic there too,waiting for us:)"Choti si kahaani se,baarisho.n ke pani se saari waadi bhargayi,naajaane kyon,dil bhargaya,njaane kyon Aankh bhargayi"

Sunday, August 05, 2007

“As I look back on all that's happened..growing up, growing together, changing you, changing me -- there were times when we dreamed together, when we laughed and cried together. As I look back on those days, I realize how much I truly miss you and how much I truly love you. The past may be gone forever..and whatever the future holds, our todays make the memories of tomorrow. So, my lifetime friend, it is with all my heart that I send you my love, hoping that you'll always carry my smile with you, for all we have meant to each other and for whatever the future may hold.”

I had a doubt,are there people who still read this blog???? Hope so,Strange,how at one time i had all the time to spend it in front of this blog and now i have all the reasons for not being here,Did i change or it happens with everyone??? Is change really constant? I want to be regular here,i wish and hope to be back:)