Notes:
Not officially betaed, so feel free to point out any errors. Thanks to missingkitsune for
the title! :D

Did you ever see something you wish you
hadn't? Something so hideous that you wished you could scrub your
eyeballs with a wire brush? Something so traumatic that it will stay with
you for the rest of your life and will even haunt your dreams while you're on
your deathbed? Something so disturbing that you question whether you'll
ever be able to...well, I'm sure you get the point.

So what happened to me? I'm
getting to that, but first of all I wanted you to understand how harrowingly
and life alteringly bad my experience was because you're gonna read this and
think, "Oh my god, Gojyo, how can you complain about that? I think
it'd be awesome to see something like that!". But you know
what? It isn't awesome! It's the worst thing I've ever witnessed -
and I've seen some pretty disturbing sights.

Yeah, yeah. I know, get on
with it and I will, but remember these two things; one - I'm gonna be mentally
scarred for life and two - it wasn't my fault.

It started as all the recent events
in my life seem to start; in a crappy inn, in a crappy village on another leg
of our crappy journey. I'd been in the bar, doing what I do best which is
drinking and chatting up the ladies. Actually, that night there were slim
pickings so I was mostly just drinking. The further west we go the less
suitable women there are. I don't mean that they're ugly or anything like
that; it's more that when my only choice is between an eighty year old and an
eight year old, the only person in my bed that night is me.

I digress. The point is that I
was more than a little frustrated if you catch my drift. Add to that the
large amount of alcohol sloshing around my body and it was really no wonder
that when I heard a moan as I passed Sanzo's room that my curiosity was
piqued. Before I knew it, my feet had stopped and I was cocking my head,
wondering if I'd really heard it or if it had been a figment of my imagination.
When I heard the distinct squeak of bedsprings, I couldn't help the broad grin
that I knew was plastered across my mug; I wasn't the only horny one,
obviously.

Now, everyone knows that Sanzo's not
your most conventional monk what with the smoking and drinking and killing, but
I admit that I was a little surprised that he indulged in pleasures of the
flesh, even the solo kind of activities. I probably shouldn't have been
because under those pretty eyes, the girly hair and that dress of his, he's still
a guy, right? Besides, if anyone needs to let off steam, it's that guy!

So, I did what any other
red-blooded, bi-curious guy would do; I made sure no-one was about, pressed my
ear to the door and stuck my hand down my pants. I'm not proud of that,
but y'know it was Sanzo for crying out loud! Have you seen that
guy? He's a walking, talking, spitting, bitching wet dream waiting to
happen. Oh come on...what? You thought I just liked chicks? I
like anyone who is pretty enough to give me a hard on and since I met him, that
monk has given me more hard ons than the monkey's had hot dinners.

Sorry, I'm getting sidetracked
again. It's hard not to when talkin' about Sanzo, but I'm sure you've had
enough of that. You want me to dish the dirt, don't you? Okay, so there
I was, jacking myself off along with the blond hottie when I realised I wasn't
just hearing his moans - someone was in there with him! Well, shit!
That bastard was getting some action while I'd had to head back to an empty
bed. Where was the justice in that? Yeah, he's hot but he's not a
patch on yours truly.

Of course, my indignation quickly
turned to curiosity. Who was in the monk's bed? Some cheap floozy
he'd picked up? Nah, not a chance. He spends too much time with the
monkey to be into girls. Aah, obviously that was the answer - the only
reason he could have for keeping the annoying little pipsqueak around was as
his own, personal little fuck buddy. And goddamn it if that idea didn't
make me harder. I really am a perverted bastard if the idea of the monk
getting his rocks off with the monkey is a turn on, but whatever. Like
you're in any position to judge, sitting there listening to my filthy little
tale. We're all perverts together, right?

Maybe it was the drink, maybe it was
the fact I was horny or maybe it was because I wondered whether the monk fucked
the monkey or the other way around; whatever it was, suddenly I found my hand
on the door handle, quietly turning it. Telling myself I was just gonna
have a little peek - y'know, to fuel my fantasies - I silently thanked whoever
had forgotten to lock the door and pushed it open, just a crack. Enough
to get an eyeful. And man! What an eyeful I got!

The first thing I noticed was that
Sanzo was on the bottom; on all fours, actually. The next thing I noticed
was the fact that he was gagged - neat trick that, I thought, keeps him from
bitching. As for the third thing...that was no monkey, fucking Sanzo like
there was no tomorrow. Sure, the hair colour was kinda similar, but where
a gold diadem usually sat there was a very familiar green headband.

Well fuck me sideways - Hakkai was
banging our not-so-illustrious leader! Yup, you heard me right.
Sweet, polite, unassuming Hakkai was riding Sanzo like he was a wild pony being
broken in for the first time. Not only that, but I could see handprints
all over Sanzo's lily-white ass from where Hakkai had spanked him, hard by the
looks of things. Faster than you could say 'serves ya right for peeking
ya perv!' I closed the door as quietly as I could and hightailed it out of
there, the image of Hakkai and Sanzo screwing forever burned into my
mind.

That's it. That's my trauma,
my punishment for being a peeping tom. I dunno if they knew what I'd seen
and shit, it's not like I could ever say anything about it...I still can't look
at Hakkai properly without fighting down a blush. Hah! Me blushing,
who'd have thought it, eh?

Hasn't stopped me lusting over Mr
High-and-Mighty though; if anything, it's made me worse. I tell ya, I'd
love to have been the one to pop that cherry! Sadly, looks like Hakkai
beat me to it.

I wonder if the monkey knows.

I wonder if they'd let me join in
sometime. Just to purge the images from my brain, you understand.
Confront your fears or some psycho-babble crap like that.

Fuck, you're gonna have to excuse me
now, that story's got me a little, uh, flustered if you know what I mean...and
I guess from your blush that you do.