Monday, March 18, 2013

This Just In: I'm In A Video! (And I Have A Book Too!)

Remember how awhile back I had to go somewhere to make a video with a bakfiets? No? Well, it's not important, apart from the fact that here it is:

This is where you Stalin clap:

Thank you.

As much as I wish I could just flit about the country making wacky videos all the time, the fact is I can only do it when it's a special occasion, and the occasion for this one is that I have another book coming out in May of this year:

If you told me ten years ago that I'd have published three books before the age of 40, I'd have replied, "Only three? How many of them were New York Times bestsellers?" When you told me that none of them were, I'd reply, "Wait, none? So what color is my Porsche?" Then when you told me I don't even have a Porsche, I'd ask in a quavery voice, "OK, so the beach house. It's in the real Hamptons, right? Tell me it's not in Hampton Bays or some cesspool on the North Fork, right?" Then you'd tell me I don't have a beach house either, and I'd drop to my knees and emit heaving sobs over my profound failure.

Other than that though I'm tremendously happy.

Anyway, the book will be available from all the reputable booksellers and probably some disreputable ones too, and in the meantime you're welcome to pre-order it. I'll furnish you with direct links in the not-too-distant future, but pending that if you let your fingers do the walking (that's what we used to say when there were phone books) I'm sure you can find it.

As for the book's content, I don't want to spoil it, but the short version is that it's about how riding bikes with your family is beautiful and about how when you do it in another country where it's normal you realize that the United States is a sick society with little regard for human life--but in an entertaining way:

At least for the time being, this will be the last full-length Bike Snob-themed book, and while I wouldn't use the word "trilogy" I do think this one will neatly tie the three books I've written together, and that they'll all look great sitting next to each other atop your toilet tank.

At Pavia (40km), the sextet had 10:35 in hand, and they averaged a brisk 46.4kph for the first hour of racing. By that point, however, the rumours of snow on the Turchino had been confirmed and the race organisers were compelled to come up with an ad hoc solution to ensure the safety of the riders.It was decided that the race would be neutralised for 46km between Ovada and Arenzano: rather than climb the Turchino, the peloton would stop at the 117km point and clamber back aboard their team buses, re-starting over an hour later.

There's nothing better during a cold ride than a cup of cocoa and some warm blood.

(I generally like to give a blood bag a quick 20 seconds in the microwave before I transfuse it. Then, when you put it in, it feels like you're peeing yourself, but in a good way.)

Look, I know it was miserable and all, but couldn't they have come up with something a bit more sporting than a bus ride? Why couldn't they have just switched to fat bikes at the base of the climb? Even those stupid "quads" would have been more in keeping with the spirit of a bike race:

MILAN (VN) — Taylor Phinney (BMC Racing) is sending shock waves through the peloton as it rolls through the classics. After a brave ride in Tirreno-Adriatico, he again went solo yesterday to earn a seventh-place result in Milano-Sanremo, the best finish for an American at the one-day race since 2002.

Last August, cyclist David Segal received four tickets—three for running red lights and one for disorderly conduct—during the same traffic stop. Segal, the former spokesman for City Councilmember Ydanis Rodriguez, was biking down Nostrand Avenue in Bed-Stuy when he was stopped on August 10th. While the disorderly conduct was dismissed outright, Segal appeared in court Friday and was found guilty in the three red light violations—which means he owes $1,250 for a single cycling stop. But Segal plans to push to get the laws changed to make the penalties for bicycles less than that for cars: "One guy was driving 30 miles over the speed limit, and he paid an $80 fine," Segal told us. "And they literally gave me a fine that is six times more than I paid for the entire bicycle. How does this make any sense?"

It doesn't make any sense at all, but it's worth noting that if he had been riding an absurdly-priced Venge Schmenge then the fine would have been more proportionate, at under 10% of the total cost of his bike:

I'm sure Specialized will somehow use this disturbing fact to their advantage.

Lastly, this past weekend in New York City saw the [who cares]th running of the "Monster Track" alleycat:

This raises an important question, which is:

Which is dorkier, the start of an alleycat, or a triathlon transition?

Speaking of the Strong Arm of the Law, I got a criminal summons thingy last week for bicycling on a bicycle. In violation of NYC Penal Section 240.20.7 in case you want to play "CSI". That's right, it's not a traffic ticket, it's disorderly conduct. And I was not riding like a douchey fred, either. Nor was I all "getting into the face" of the cops. Not my style, by Jeeves.

It was where S. 4th meets the BQE overpass(Boriquen and Havermeyer), if anyone knows that baleful intersection....

You'd probably have that house in the Hamptons if you gave up smoking. And no helment? (If the obligatory "you're not wearing a helmet in your video" remark doesn't prove I'm a robot, nothing will.) Good luck on the book -- looking forward to it!

Just go ahead and put the deposit down on a recumbent now..... YOU HAVE GIVEN UP ON LIFE. This blog needs a new name. Bike FUDDY DUDDY middle aged gaper more concerned with practicality and comfort than performance and style NYC.blogspot.com does not have the same ring to it...

Hey Missy. Big fan since back in the day. Like that dead fish you wear in your nose. Or was that around your neck. In any case don't be a stranger. We need all the cool biker chicks we can get on this message board.

Two, and only two, comments.1)I love the photo of mini-Phinney getting the 'sticky' bottle treatment from his team car....what a cheater!2)And the pro roadies can't ride over the short climbs in the snow because ???? Oh yeah, it's unsafe.Wimps, Weenies, Wussies

Nice video. I've been on tumbler (which I was unaware was basically a porn site) watching your video being made and I must say, it came out nicely.Looking forward to new book and please consider Madison for a book signing.Happy Belated BD, Frilly, and go SLU!

that book promo video is the most retarded thing ever! whomever authorized that piece of shit needs to be fired! really makes me not want to buy the book. are you preparing for a foray into children's books? perhaps three year olds may find the video humorous, but i doubt it...

WCRM, Congrats on getting such a premium sponsor as Walmart advertising on your blog. They must have paid big bucks to get in the left hand column. Better get that link fixed if you still want that Porsche.

I was stopped on my bike, I thought, for running a stop sign. 7am, February, Redhook street; an entirely non-residential street, and not another soul about. Cold morning, hellishly cold!. I paid twenty five dollar fine, but not for ignoring the stop sign. For 'spitting in public', honest to goodness. I was so confused that when he asked me did I know it was illegal to spit in public, I earnestly said 'from a bicycle?' and he said 'no, in general' But that's less than a technicality, as we know, I got the ticket because I was on the damn bike.

Chronicle could have at least paid to send you to Amsterdam to film your Dutch-themed video versus San Francisco. Cheap asses. Anyway, I thought the video was amusing and look forward to the dropping of the book.

I wasn't going to criticise your video Snob, but since it's the flava of the day, I found it to be rather dull and derivitive of all the other videos that my employer blocks me from watching. Same old WARNING! The site (or portion of) you are about to visit may contain inappropriate content. I expected better, WCRM.

After watching your vid on your new book, you had me confused for a moment. At first I thought that you had some sort of sex change operation over there in foreign land.As for those "bus cheaters". Poo on them. I had a 25 degree circuit race on Sunday, and I didn't get to ride no damn bus......damnit...

Snob, now that I'm in the utter and abject danger of my own home, I had unprotected viewing of your video, far from protected confines of my nanny state office. I'm stunned. Did you attend a beginners acting workshop at the community centre prior to filming? Because that level of acting far exceeded my mediocre expectations of your (or any blogger's) performance. Bravo RTMS, Bravo. (Stalin clap)

it's kind of odd how your books all contain sexist stereotypes but your blog is so enjoyable and never sexist. I'd rather look at that picture of that topless woman on the recumbent with David Byrne's face covering her nippes or whatever than that picture you have in your book of the girl on the girly bike salmoning or whatever.

[Nigel is playing a soft piece on the piano] Marty DiBergi: It's very pretty. Nigel Tufnel: Yeah, I've been fooling around with it for a few months. Marty DiBergi: It's a bit of a departure from what you normally play. Nigel Tufnel: It's part of a trilogy, a musical trilogy I'm working on in D minor which is the saddest of all keys, I find. People weep instantly when they hear it, and I don't know why. Marty DiBergi: It's very nice. Nigel Tufnel: You know, just simple lines intertwining, you know, very much like - I'm really influenced by Mozart and Bach, and it's sort of in between those, really. It's like a Mach piece, really. It's sort of... Marty DiBergi: What do you call this? Nigel Tufnel: Well, this piece is called "Lick My Love Pump".

"Other than that though I'm tremendously happy."Amaznig! Ths sntence revels the scret of hapines: Total oblivius unawarness of how too use comas! (that's also why the books aren't besstsellers. Thei're comma saobs over theyre at the Ttimes!

So, you try to power nourish your redundancy to be able to obtain position without dropping people entirely in the procedure. Think "Family Feud" where the aggressive near relatives is known as Dawson. https://email-searches.com/

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!