Our Completely Unfounded Picks for Tonight’s Golden Globes

Tonight is the Golden Globes, and while we’re mostly watching because Tina Fey and Amy Poehler Vortex are hosting, we also have thoughts on who we’d like to see win. We don’t have a lot of fancy analysis of data for this, but if there’s one thing geeks have in spades its opinions about pop culture.

Here we go. The winners are the ones under the category headers in bold.

Best Motion Picture — Drama

12 Years a Slave

Captain Phillips

Gravity -Because space!

Philomena

Rush

Best Motion Picture — Musical or Comedy

American Hustle

Her – Because we too have unhealthy attachments to our electronics.

Inside Llewyn Davis

Nebraska

The Wolf of Wall Street

Best Actress in a Motion Picture — Drama

Cate Blanchett – Blue Jasmine

Sandra Bullock – Gravity - Because space, but also because YOU try floating space for a whole movie.

Judi Dench – Philomena

Emma Thompson – Saving Mr. Banks

Kate Winslet – Labor Day

Best Actor in a Motion Picture — Drama

Chiwetel Ejiofor – 12 Years a Slave -Ejiofor made our list of 12th Doctors we would have liked to see. He obviously didn’t get the role, so let’s send him home with an award.

Idris Elba – Mandela: Long Walk To Freedom

Tom Hanks – Captain Phillips

Matthew McConaughey – Dallas Buyers Club

Robert Redford – All Is Lost

Best Actress in a Motion Picture — Musical or Comedy

Amy Adams – American Hustle- Because Lois Lane.

Julie Delpy – Before Midnight

Greta Gerwig – Frances Ha

Julia Louis-Dreyfus – Enough Said

Meryl Streep – August: Osage County

Best Actor in a Motion Picture — Musical or Comedy

Christian Bale – American Hustle- Because we wouldn’t want to tell Batman he didn’t win.

Bruce Dern – Nebraska

Leonardo DiCaprio – The Wolf Of Wall Street

Oscar Isaac - Inside Llewyn Davis

Joaquin Phoenix – Her

Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture

Sally Hawkins – Blue Jasmine

Jennifer Lawrence – American Hustle- Because we want to see her victory speech.

Lupita Nyong’o – 12 Years a Slave

Julia Roberts – August: Osage County

June Squibb – Nebraska

Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture

Barkhad Abdi – Captain Phillips

Daniel Brühl – Rush

Bradley Cooper – American Hustle

Michael Fassbender – 12 Years a Slave- He can control metal, therefor, he wins.

Jared Leto – Dallas Buyers Club

Best Director – Motion Picture

Alfonso Cuarón – Gravity

Paul Greengrass – Captain Phillips

Steve McQueen – 12 Years a Slave

Alexander Payne - Nebraska - Because this is the non-geek movie we’ve been looking forward to the most.

David O. Russell – American Hustle

Best Screenplay — Motion Picture

Spike Jonze – Her - Because we want to ask Siri about it in the morning.

Bob Nelson – Nebraska

Jeff Pope and Steve Coogan – Philomena

John Ridley - 12 Years a Slave

Eric Warren Singer and David O. Russell – American Hustle

Best Foreign Language Film

Blue is the Warmest Color

The Great Beauty - Because it’s the only one we can translate into a foreign language without Google Translate.

The Hunt

The Past

The Wind Rises

Best Animated Feature Film

The Croods

Despicable Me 2

Frozen- Because damn, did you see Frozen?

Best Original Song — Motion Picture

“Atlas” – The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

“Let It Go” – Frozen- For real though. Frozen was real great.

“Ordinary Love” – Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom

“Please Mr. Kennedy” – Inside Llewyn Davis

“Sweeter Than Fiction” – One Chance

Best Original Score — Motion Picture

Alex Ebert – All is Lost

Alex Heffes – Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom

Steven Price – Gravity- Because in space no one can hear your tense crescendo.

John Williams – The Book Thief

Hans Zimmer – 12 Years a Slave

Best TV Series — Drama

Breaking Bad- Awards, bitch!

Downton Abbey

The Good Wife

House of Cards

Masters of Sex

Best TV Series, Comedy

The Big Bang Theory

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Girls

Modern Family

Parks and Recreation -Because treat yo’self!

Best TV Movie or Mini-Series

American Horror Story: Coven

Behind the Candelabra

Dancing on the Edge

Top of the Lake

The White Queen- Because it’s the only one on this list we actually want to watch.