'I'd taken some mushrooms in a pub,' writes Allen Smithee, 'and things had got a bit odd. People turning into goblins, barstools into toadstools etc. I wandered off from my friends and found myself in a carpark. I noticed a huge liquorice allsort driving towards me and Bertie Basset got out. I kinda realised that Bertie was a policeman and my brain went into paranoid fast forward. I decided that I must be being arrested and said, "I'll just get in the back of your car, Officer" Bertie looked at me with disgust, "Not bleeding likely sunshine. Just piss off home ok?"'

i'm not putting any of my
run ins with the law, as it would give away my drug habits, and as i know that my dad reads these pages, it would be too revealing.
(Sir Sand GOBLIN^popular page dis, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 20:39,
closed)