A weird book, a little multiversal travel, a broken rule, and Haruno Sakura in bed. Get ready to be weirded out.The writer somehow got sent into Sakura's body by a cursed book. Now, he has to drive and she back seat drives. Chp6 up!

Naruto
grit his teeth as he tied the knots he was working on with a bit
more force than was strictly necessary. He and the others had taken
down the bandits who, bereft of the illusion of numbers created by
their Bunshin no jutsu, had fallen to the enraged male genins. But
between beating the bandits faces in, making sure they were
unconscious, backing up their teammates at the rear and tying up the
bandits to keep them from following them and/or becoming a problem
for any other travelers, time passed. Time that swept the girls
farther and farther away down river. He was not liking the situation.

He
wasn't the only one. All the jounin sensei were worried about their
missing female students, but immediate priorities came first.
Securing the bandits topped the list, and by the time that was
done, three hours had passed. Kakashi tried to keep their spirits up
by reminding them that they were all well trained, which Gai had
echoed instantly, but Kurenai still looked worried, not mentioning
how Tenten and Ino didn't like Sakura.

Or,
more specifically, the boy in Sakura.

To
top it all off, it started to rain...

----------------------------------------

The
Cursed Log Book 1:

Kurt-kun
In Konoha

by
Shadow Crystal Mage

6th
Incident: Down The River…

Disclaimer:
I do not own Naruto, someone else does. And I guess that's all I
need to say.

----------------------------------------

Darkness.
Kurt lay in darkness, very relaxed. He wasn't worried, wasn't
rushed. A strange warmth lay over him, one he had never felt before.
For the first time in his life, he was completely still. No muscles
moved. His eyes didn't twitch, fingers didn't move, lungs didn't
inflate…

Hey,
that wasn't right…

Kurt
suddenly became aware something was very wrong. Yet, he
couldn't tell what it was. The vice clamping down on his chest was
making it difficult to think…

A
weight suddenly began to press down on his chest, between his
breasts, pushing down with deliberate force. Once, twice, again, then
the pressure was gone, and someone was holding his nose shut. There
was pressure on his mouth, warm, wet pressure, and hot breath went
down his throat. It happened once, stopped, twice, stopped, again.
Then the weight on his chest was back, and...

Wait
a minute... Breasts? Down
his throat?

It
was then Kurt realized something was seriously wrong...

----------------------------------------

Ino
was scared. Very scared. As a child, she'd had a very traumatic
experience with water. While on a class trip, she'd accidentally
fallen into a stream. The water wasn't very deep, but she'd been
knocked unconscious and had nearly drowned, her head submerged under
the shallow water. They'd managed to revive her, but ever since
then, she'd harbored a secret fear of the water. Which was why
she'd never learned how to swim. Few knew about her inability and
she preferred it that way.

Now,
however, her inability was coming back to try and kill her. When
someone grabbed to back of her outfit and lifted her out of the
water, she was extremely grateful. She concentrated on Hinata's
voice, focusing on the sound more than the words. As they started
moving towards the general direction of dry land, Ino turned towards
her rescuer, ready to thank Tenten.

She
found Sakura instead. Or, more accurately, Kurt in Sakura's body.

That
was all she had time for. A jutting piece of log knocked her rescuer
out immediately thereafter.

It
was dumb luck. Sakura had been holding Ino in her left had, using her
right to keep afloat. Hinata had been following behind on Ino's
side, keeping her calm. None of them saw the log hanging over the
water until it clipped Kurt-Sakura on the side of the head. Ino
dropped into the water, slipping under the log in the process. Hinata
barely dodged it, clipping her scalp on the wood.

What
happened next was a deliriously panicked blur to Ino. She was back
under water again, and suddenly she wasn't. She remembered holding
on to a chain while Tenten pulled her out of the water, Hinata
hanging on to her waist with one arm as the other held on to Sakura–
Kurt?– and telling her to pull. Eventually, she found herself on
firm ground on her hands and knees, panting her lungs off.

"Sakura-san!
Kurt-san!"

Ino
looked at Hinata. She was kneeling next to the pink-haired girl's
body, which was laid out on the ground on its back, dripping wet and
not moving. Not breathing.

Hinata
was slapping at the girl's face, trying to wake her up when Ino
told her to step aside. Deliberately, she began to perform mouth to
mouth. Her accident, while keeping her from learning how to swim, had
made her want to keep what almost happened from happening to anyone
else. She'd known how to do this since she was four years old.

Eventually,
the girl she was working on began to cough, water gagging at her
throat. Quickly, she turned the two-in-one's head, allowing her to
spit out the water, then stepped back.

Kurt–
Sakura?– began to get up, turning over on her hands and knees as
she kept on coughing, spitting out water from her lungs. She remained
in that position, coughing and coughing until all the water in her
lungs should be gone, until she was dry hacking. Finally, she rose
shakily to her feet, wiping at the corner of her mouth.

"Well,
that was fun. Let's never
do it again," Sakura– Kurt? ARGGG!!!– said. She was rubbing
her head with both hands, face contorted. After a while, she said,
"Arigatou, Ino-san. We're grateful for the revive. Guess
this makes us even."

Ino
smiled tightly. "You bet."

For
a moment, they all just lay there. Tenten was sprawled out on he
rocky ground, panting hard. Hinata looked about as bad. White eyes
closed, the Hyuuga heiress was leaning against a handy rock, catching
her breath. All of them were soaked to the skin and shaking from
cold.

They
managed to find shelter in a nearby cave. Tenten dragged some wood in
before it got too wet, and they were currently trying to get a
fire lit.

Tenten
silently cursed as she tried to get a piece of flint to spark on her
kunai.
And spark it did. Problem was, it wasn't catching.

"Hurry
it up," Ino whined, shivering as she tried to get warm.

"I'm
trying," Tenten growled, nearly cutting herself.

Sakura–
very hard to think of her as Kurt– sighed, reaching into one of her
belt pouches and pulling out a lighter. "Will this help?"

Tenten
glared as she dropped what she was using and grabbed the offered
lighter. "Why didn't you say something earlier!" she said as
she turned back to the wood.

"The
exact reasons are, 'Shut up and get some rest'," was the dry
reply, which was more than could be said for everyone else.

Tenten
grimaced as she remembered she had said that. The wood still
wasn't catching. "You wouldn't happen to have any kindling on
you, would you?"

Wordlessly,
Sakura-Kurt took out a few small pieces of wood.

Tenten
raised an eyebrow. "Lighter fluid?" She figured it was worth a
shot...

A
bottle was produced.

Ino
finally blew up. "You had all this and you didn't tell us!"

Shrug.
"No one asked, and I thought she knew what she was doing."

An
Ino rant and a few spurts of lighter fluid later, they had a fire
going.

"And
not a moment too soon," Ino said, trying to get as close as
possible. "Hypothermia's not good for your skin."

Sakura-Kurt
opened yet another belt pouch, pulling out a package she handed to
Ino. "Here. Thermal blanket. It's supposed to be for emergencies,
and this probably counts." She handed one to Hinata and Tenten as
well.

Tenten
looked at the unopened package for a moment before turning to
Sakura-Kurt, who was wrapping her– them?– self in a blanket as
well. "How come you have all this?"

The
pink-haired kunoichi gave a toothy smile. "I went nuts in a store
after a mission."

Tenten
raised an eyebrow. "Oh."

"What's
to eat?" Ino said in her whiny voice, and Tenten's eye suddenly
developed a tick. Before she could tell the annoying girl
they'd didn't have any food because they'd been too busy trying
not to get hypothermia to look for any, another item was removed from
a belt pouch.

"Here,"
their cherry-blonde companion said as she handed Ino a ration bar.
"Anything else for you to keep quiet? A lock Sasuke's hair,
maybe? A pair of his boxers?"

Thankfully,
the blonde didn't answer, too busy trying to tear open the packet.
Shrugging, Saku-Kurt handed Tenten and Hinata a bar each as well,
before opening one of her own.

Tenten
looked at the bar before she opened it. "How nuts did you say you
went?" she said, taking a bite. Hmmm, peanut butter.

"I
needed Kage Bunshin to carry all the stuff I picked up to the
counter," Kurt– Tenten was sticking with Kurt– said as she took
a bite from her ration bar.

"Ah..."

For
a while, they all sat in silence, absorbed in their own worlds.

"So,"
Kurt said, "what now?"

Tenten
and the other two looked at him.

"Don't
you have all the answers?"
Ino said sarcastically.

Kurt
glared at her. "I'm just a guy in Sakura's head. You're the
experienced ones here!"

For
a moment, the two glared at each other. Tenten sighed. This would be
a while.

----------------------------------------

The
rain did not abate, effectively trapping them in the cave, since it
wasn't safe to be wandering around in that downpour. They knew that
the merchant train would be stopped as well, since the horses pulling
the wagons wouldn't probably be able to walk effectively in the mud
this would make.

Kurt
rolled her eyes, while Sakura was fuming in indignation in his
behalf. "Why am I suddenly getting an Akane Tendo vibe here?" he
muttered to himself in English, which only Sakura understood.

"What's
that?" Ino said.

"Nothing,
I just said you were cute," he said. Sakura, knowing perfectly well
that wasn't what he said, did the mental equivalent of
rolling her eyes.

As
Ino continued looking at him suspiciously, Kurt sighed, while Sakura
shot her mental dirty looks, reached into one of their pouches and
took out his sketchpad and the picture he was copying. It was almost
finished, lacking only color. He'd have to take care of that when
they finally got back to Konoha, since he'd left his colored
pencils behind because they took up too much space. Grabbing a
pencil, he started working on the details of Naruto's jumpsuit.

"Th-that's
v-very gu-good," Hinata said, looking over their shoulder.

Kurt
smiled reassuringly at the shy girl. "Thanks. If you want, I could
draw Naruto for you."

Why?
Sakura asked, and Kurt snickered internally. What's so funny?

That's
my little secret, Saky, Kurt responded.

In
the real world, Hinata blushed. Kurt just grinned, flipping over a
page and tearing out a picture of Naruto he'd already made and
colored. "Here," he said. "Just a little something for keeping
me from going completely under. Although we're not even. I'll
still have to save your life."

"We
run," Tenten confirmed. "You wouldn't happen to have anything
to help us with that, do you?"

"Makibishi,
smoke bombs and incendiaries sound useful?"

"They'll
do," Tenten nodded. "Help me wake up the others. Quietly."

Quickly
stuffing his papers and stuff back into their pouch, Kurt went to
rouse Ino by default, since Tenten was already working on Hinata.
Nudging her shoulder, Kurt felt a flash of irritation she didn't
stir. Thankfully, she wasn't snoring, so the bandits couldn't
hear her.

Kurt
nudged her harder, then had a flash of panic as she did
start to snore. Quickly, he clamped his hand over her face, muffling
the sound.

That
woke her up. The snores died as she opened her eyes. Kurt opened his
mouth to explain the situation, but the next thing he knew, his head
was ringing and his cheek stinging as her slap connected with his
face. Inside, Sakura was jerked awake by the impact, murmuring a
sleepy what? as she roused.

"Pervert!"
Ino growled, a kunai in hand. "You tried to take advantage
of me while I was asleep!"

Wincing,
Kurt rubbed their sore face. "Tenten-san, could you please
explain the situation to her? Somehow, I don't think she'll
listen to me."

Nursing
their injury while Tenten quickly explained the problem to the other
two girls, Kurt wondered if all anime females were this
pervert-trigger-happy. That slap had hurt!

Kurt
darkly wondered if the bandits would leave them alone if they gave
them the Yamanaka girl…

----------------------------------------

The
four ran through the rain, trying to be as quiet as they could.
Tenten led the way, somehow becoming unofficial leader because of her
seniority. She was followed by Hinata and Ino. Bringing up the rear
was Kurt, who kept looking nervously over their shoulder, trying to
watch out for bandits. He really hoped none of them would remember he
was the one who'd been blasting them with the jutsu. Inside,
Sakura was worrying and reviewing their stock of jutsus,
chakra and gear in case they had to fight– and knowing their luck,
they'd probably have to.

As
rain fell on their face, Kurt wished he'd thought to buy a pair of
goggles to kept the rain off. He'd taken the liberty of tying back
their hair in a tail to keep the strands from sticking and
distracting them, over Tenten's protests that it could get them
killed in a fight (to which he'd countered that Ino did it and
considering how lousy he was at taijutsu– compared to the
other boys and locals, anyway– he'd probably be dead long before
he'd have to worry about someone grabbing him by their hair), but
the water was pretty distracting.

As
all of them tried to make as little noise as possible, Kurt kept a
'feel' out for bandits. It had somehow come up that he had better
chakra senses than anyone else when he'd commented they better stay
away from a certain area because he'd felt bandits there. That had
earned him looks, since said area was about thirty feet away. At
first he hadn't seen what the problem was, since he'd always
assumed everyone could sense chakra that good and had taken it for
granted. It turned out not to be the case. So here he was, acting as
the group's chakra 'radar' while Hinata kept an eye out with
her Byakugan.

As
they ran, Ino looked over her shoulder and glared at them, causing
Sakura to mentally grind her teeth and Kurt to sigh. No matter how
many times he'd protested to the contrary, Ino wouldn't believe
that he wasn't leering at her rear. And he wasn't. Was it his
fault that Tenten had told Hinata to stay close to her so that she'd
know when the Hyuuga 'saw' something? Nnnoooo. Blame it on
Ino for not having any useful skills for the scenario.

He
rolled his eyes at her, and she sniffed, muttering about perverts
under her breath as she turned back ahead. Kurt was very tempted to
bite her.

You
bite? Sakura said, amused.

He
grinned slightly. Yeah. It's one of my more childish impulses. I
feel very tempted to bite people who annoy me.

What
are you, part Inuzuka? Sakura laughed.

Kurt
rolled his eyes internally, keeping an eye out despite Hinata. You
have no idea how many times people have said something like
that to me.

Up
ahead, Tenten raised her hand, signaling for a break. The three
bringing of them bringing up the rear immediately stopped, doubling
over huffing and puffing. Healthy as Sakura's body was– healthier
than his natural body, anyway– Tenten's pace still left it– and
him– breathing hard, although both he and Sakura were glad to see
that Ino was breathing harder than they were.

Gesturing
for silence, Tenten pointed at something on the ground. Kurt craned
their head to look. What were clearly footprints were visible in the
mud. Even Kurt, who'd only taken a twenty minute crash course on
tracking with Iruka, could tell they were fresh.

A
chill ran down their spine as Kurt and Sakura looked, and he extended
his chakra senses as far out as he could, but thankfully didn't
feel anything but the four of them nearby.

Unfortunately,
most traps don't have chakra.

Ino
shifted her feet a little, and there was an audible 'twang'.

"LOOK
OUT!" Tenten yelled, before things went down the road of good
intentions in a hand-basket…

----------------------------------------

Later
(he and Sakura had lost track of time in the confusion), Kurt leaned
against the trunk of a tree, trying to catch their breath as silently
as possible, keep their footing on the wet, mossy branch, and watch
out for bandits all at the same time.

Now
I know why Kakashi and Gai are nuts, Kurt internalled.

Why?
Sakura replied.

If
going on lots of missions like these is the reason they're so
powerful, it's no wonder they snapped.

Sakura
chuckled weakly at his joke, and he smiled. Although anyone would say
he was insane for having a voice in his head, at least it helped now.
He was able to lift his spirits up a little with jokes, and if Sakura
found them funny, they'd lift her spirits up, which would
lift his spirits up, so he'd come up with better jokes to
lift her spirits up...

Let's
stop there.

After
Ino had inadvertently activated the trap, things had gotten, to put
it mildly, confused. They gotten into an argument (actually, Tenten
and Ino) of whether they should run or fight, an argument that became
moot when the bandits caught them. They'd tried to make a stand,
but the numbers of their opponents, their lack of both experience
fighting together and knowledge of each other's capabilities, not
to mention Ino's distracting complaining, had caused them to become
separated, and it had quickly become a case of every girl (and in his
case, boy-in-girl) for herself.

Kurt
had been liberal with the mini-kibaku fuda, senbon,
shuriken and eventually bombs. Although initially reluctant to
use the certainly fatal explosives, he'd eventually run out of
options, utilizing them to clear path for escape, and hoping he'd
only crippled people and not killed them.

He
hadn't seen any of the (other) girls (not that he'd really looked
that hard), and had quickly been preoccupied by pursuit. It seemed
the bandits had taken exception to being blasted or thrown off the
bridge, and wanted to take their frustrations out on them. Some had
even recognized him as the one responsible for the jutsu,
and were pretty ticked about it. After a lot of makibishi
though, he'd eventually managed to ditch his pursuers using the
Kakuremino no jutsu (one of the thermal blankets had
sufficed).

Now
what?

Now
what do we do? Kurt asked the obvious as they climbed and jumped–
carefully– as high up the tree as they were willing to dare.

Sakura
didn't bother with the 'why are you asking me?' game. They both
knew they were trying to think of what to do next. He was just making
conversation, trying to make things feel normal.

She
settled for playing by the rules of the 'conversation' game. I
suppose our best bet is to keep heading towards the bridge and try
not to run into any more bandits.

Kurt
nodded, wishing they had a hat or cap on. Their long hair was tied
back enough to keep it from their eyes, but that didn't stop the
water from getting annoying. He had to blink them constantly, wiping
the excess moisture that didn't take the hint off their face. Yup,
goggles were definitely a good idea. I think we better keep
to the trees. Those bandits don't seem able to reach that high,
although that would put us in danger of slipping and falling to our
dea-

He
cut off as he squinted their eyes, staring into the dark. He thought
he saw…

Abruptly
he and Sakura both groaned, but only one of them had the satisfaction
of being able to drop their face into their palm in exasperation.

She
didn't… Sakura groused. Not even she'd be that stupid
and careless…

"Apparently,
she did and she was," Kurt muttered, wiping their face again. He
took a quick inventory of their gear, wincing at the thought of so
many gone, even though it was a relatively small amount. Pack rat
mentality.

Sighing,
he listened as much as he could over the sound of the rain, extending
their chakra senses as far as they would go, before finally climbing
down and walking towards where they had seen the flash of yellow and
purple…

Bloody,
frickin' village unity…

----------------------------------------

Yamanaka
Ino growled as she vainly tried to pull her leg out from under the
tree that had fallen on it. Why was she the one who was unlucky
enough to set off all the traps this evening? What? Did fate have it
in for her or something? Was it jealous of her good looks? What? Did
it hate her or something? The only thing worse that could happen
would be if the pervert-

"Need
a hand?" a once familiar voice said somewhere to her left.

She
directed a glare that way. Speak of the devil…

The
pervert in Sakura's body was standing to one side, looking very
unattractive, soaked to the skin as she was and with her hair pulled
back like that. Ino conveniently overlooked the fact that it was a
variation of her own hairstyle. "Stay where you are, pervert!"
she said, pointing at her.

The
pervert raised an eyebrow. "If I do that, I wouldn't be able to
help you," she said, sounding annoyed, as Ino figured she'd be.
Well, Ino wasn't going to let her get away with what she probably
had in mind.

"Don't
give me that," the blonde said. "You're here because you're
going to take advantage of the fact that my foot's stuck to molest
and do all sorts of unspeakable, perverted things to an innocent
young girl like me."

The
pervert shrugged. "Fine them. Well, so long. You obviously don't
need me," she said, already turned around and waving good bye as
she spoke.

Ino
blinked. "Hey, wait!" she tried to yell as quietly as she could.
"Where are you going?"

The
pervert looked over her shoulder. "Leaving. Have fun being– how
did you put it?– being 'molested and having all sorts of
unspeakable, perverted things' done to you by the bandits!"

"You're
going to leave me to that?" Ino cried– quietly– not realizing
'til then that maybe beautiful wasn't such a good thing in that
situation.

The
pervert shrugged. "Well, you're the one telling us to leave…"

"Get
me out of here!" Ino said, trying to stay quiet, even though she
thought she was a tad loud that time.

Apparently,
the pervert thought she'd been loud to. Moving quickly but quietly,
not bothering with any more snide comments, she rushed towards where
Ino's foot was stuck. She grimaced. "How'd you get stuck like
this, anyway?" she asked as she started trying to tug Ino's foot
out from under the tree trunk.

"Ouch!"
Ino yelled. Quietly, of course. "Don't you think I already tried
that? And if you must know, a trap went off."

The
pervert thankfully stopped pulling on her leg and stepped back,
looking at the situation with a critical eye. "You're either very
lucky, or… okay, there's no 'or', you're very lucky."

Ino's
leg was caught in a hollow between the two tree trunks. A little bit
less clearance either way, and she'd be looking at a crushed ankle.
Very lucky.

Reaching
into one of the pouches, the pervert handed her a dark brown ball.
Ino recognized it as a bomb. Fortunately all such weapons were water
proof. "Here," the pervert said, as she handed it to her. "If a
bandit pops up, throw it at him or drop it and kill us, whichever you
want. Just don't tell me which, okay?"

So
saying, the pervert started trying to roll the log off of Ino's
leg.

"Huh?"
Ino said intelligently.

The
pervert grunted as she tried to find the optimum position to trying
pushing the log off. "I think we'll both prefer death to whatever
the bandits do to us. I don't know about you, but we're
not deluded enough to think we have a snowball's chance against the
Kyuubi."

Taking
a deep breath, the pervert started to push, her feet sleeping on the
wet ground, sliding back as they did so. The position was made more
awkward by the fact that the pervert couldn't get a good grip on
the trunk of wood.

Ino
blinked at that, before smirking. "Then you're a weakling, then.
Even Hinata must be stronger than you."

"Hinata's
a Hyuuga," the pervert said, not bothering to look at her. "Of
course she's stronger than me."

Grimacing,
the pervert jumped over Ino, landing on the other side of the log.
Moving towards one end, the pervert gripped the few limbs jutting and
started pulling, as if she could make the trunk roll that way.

Ino
glared at her, not having anything to say to that.

After
much pulling, grunting and slipping, the pervert finally conceded
that way wasn't going to work either. Growling in frustration now–
the pervert, not Ino– she walked off a little ways and picked a
thick piece of fallen branch that was almost as tall as she was.
Jamming it between the logs, the pervert braced her feet and pulled.

She
nearly went flying as the branch snapped, and Ino fended the pieces
away from her leg as the pervert fell into the mud.

"Ouch,"
the pervert muttered.

Ino
glared down at her. "Any more
bright ideas, pervert?"

She
heard the pervert muttering something, although all she could make
out was the words for clouds. "What was that?"

"I
said stand back and stay still!" the pervert said, turning around
and doing a succession of hand-seals. A flickering glow began to
emanate from her hand as a sound slowly began to rise. It was
like a crackling, one Ino tried to place, with no success.

The
pervert was looking at her hand critically. "Well, it's
bastardized, but it should work…" she muttered. "Cover
your face and get back!"

Wondering
how she was supposed to do the latter, Ino covered her perfect
features– in her opinion, anyway– and moved it as far away from
her leg as she could. A few seconds later, the high pitched sound
rose to a peak, followed by a cry of "Raikiri!".
Immediately afterwards, there was the sound of wood being pulverized.
She could feel a strong static field close to her leg for a split
second as the wood around it seemed to disappear. Quickly, she pulled
her leg, feeling it come loose from where it had been trapped, more
out of instinct than anything else.

Risking
a look back, she saw that the log, now cracked and splintery in a lot
of places, collapsing on the spot where her leg had been. The pervert
in Sakura's body stood close by, the crackling, lightning-like glow
around her hand fading. Breathing heavily, the pervert lowered the
now-shaking hand to her side, and turned towards her. "You
alright?" she said, sounding winded.

Ino
tested her foot. It was in perfect working order. "Yeah, I'm
fine," she said, then glared. "Hope you're not expecting a
kiss. I'm reserving those for Sasuke-kun!"

The
pervert seemed to shudder. "Like I'd want one," she
said.

Ino
glared further, and slammed her foot down with the intention of
stomping her way towards the strawberry-blonde when her foot slipped,
causing her ankle to twist in the mud just as she put her full
weight– and then some– on it.

Her
cry of pain echoed through the trees.

----------------------------------------

Kurt
slapped their hand over Ino's mouth, already braced for the bite he
knew would follow, head turning in all directions as he watched out
for bandits. No way anyone wouldn't hear that!

He
winced as her teeth bit down, but didn't cry out, for all the world
it felt like their hand was being crushed in a vice. A sharp
vice. Instead, he glared at her. "Stop being an idiot!" he
hissed. "Someone heard that! We've got to get you out of
here! Look, we'll take out our hand if you promise not to scream
and bring all the bandits around on our heads, alright?"

She
glared at them, but loosened her death-grip on their hand. Kurt
decided to take that as a yes.

Remember
to get vaccinated when we get back, Sakura advised. She's
probably carrying rabies or something.

If
she were, I don't think getting a shot will do any good at this
point, he said, grimacing internally at the state of their hand.
The little minx had drawn blood!

Ino,
for her part, looked to still be in pain. When Kurt touched her
ankle, there was a barely choked down cry. "I think you sprained
it," he said, familiar with the injury. "It won't be a good
idea for you to get on your feet for a while."

As
he said this, the sounds of approaching people were heard. Frowning,
Kurt and Sakura concentrated, feeling chakra coming their way. A
chill went up their shared spine. The bandits had been nearer than
they thought. "We have incoming."

Ino
paled. "You're not going to leave me here, are you?" she
somehow managed to combine hissing and shrieking.

"We're
very tempted to," Kurt muttered audibly, waving their injured hand
in front of Ino's face. The blonde went paler.

You
know, we could do it… Sakura suggested evilly. No one else
would know…

Don't
tempt me any more than I already am, Kurt said.

Sighing,
Kurt picked up the blonde, who immediately started protesting. "Hey,
what do you think you're–!"

Suddenly,
Ino found her personal space invaded as Kurt pushed their face
towards hers. "Look, we're already going out of my way to help
you. Sakura has been suggesting we leave you behind and make a clean
getaway. I'm very tempted to do as she says. So shut up and don't
give me any reason to, got it?" he hissed.

Not
waiting for an answer, Kurt got a better grip on Ino, very thankful
for Sakura's shinobi conditioning, and with a little difficulty,
took to the trees.

----------------------------------------

Ino
tried to keep her mouth shut, tried to keep as still as possible as
the pervert carried her through the trees. He threatened to stuff her
hitae-ate in her mouth if she made so much as a peep, and
while she really didn't think he was too serious, she didn't
want to chance it. Instead, she focused on trying to listen for
bandits as she'd been told. Her ankle throbbed with pain every time
they moved, making things difficult.

After
what seemed like hours, they finally dropped back down to ground
level, and Ino found herself being unceremoniously placed on the
ground, her sprained ankle prevented from falling by the pervert's
grip on her calf. She was let go rather quickly and she winced as
another throb of pain telegraphed itself up her leg. She barely bit
back an exclamation.

The
pervert collapsed against a nearby tree, limbs shaking. Drawing his
knees up to his chest, he bowed his head, clutching said knees
weakly. "Note to self," she heard him mutter. "Carrying a girl
looks easier than it actually is… don't rub it in, Sakura-chan…
she probably wasn't that heavy…"

She
sent yet another glare his way, but he didn't notice, to busy
shaking and talking to himself– or perhaps, she thought, poor
Sakura, trapped inside her own body with a pervert at the reins.

Abruptly,
the shaking stopped. Raising his head, the pervert took a deep breath
and let it out, than shakily got up to his feet and made his way to
her on jerky legs.

Ino
fumbled at her thigh holster, trying to pull out a kunai, but
that sudden motion aggravated her leg, and it was all she could do to
grit her teeth as the pain shot out again. Dimly, she realized she
still held the bomb in her other hand, and wondered if she could
thrown it such that she wouldn't get hurt but the pervert would be
knocked senseless…

The
pervert was reaching into one of the pouches at his waist. Ino 's
mind raced, wondering how she could knock out the pervert without
bringing bandits down on her head and killing Sakura. She was still
in there, after all…

A
rolled bundle of bandages came out. "Take off your sandals," the
pervert said tiredly but firmly, his tone and the line of his mouth
brooking no argument. "We have to get your ankle supported or else
it might get worse. No, correction, or else it's going to hurt like
crazy."

Crouching
down next to her, he reached for her ankle, but she jerked it back,
although at the price of her feeling like it was on fire. She hissed.
He sighed tiredly.

"Look
you can be stupid all you want, but do it on your own time," he
said, grabbing her leg– gently– and starting to undo the sandal's
catches. "But right now, we're in the same mess together, and
much as I'd like to just dump you here and save my own skin, my
conscience won't let me, so you'd better get off whatever high
horse you're sitting on and start helping me keep the two of us
alive, you've got that?' he snarled, his tone at odds with the
gentle way he was taking off her footwear. Taking the now wet bandage
in hand– it was still raining– he gently began to bind her foot.

She
briefly considered kicking him with her other foot, but the way she
was holding her injured appendage– gently but firmly– disabused
her of that notion. Maybe after he was done.

He
looked up, meeting her gaze. "You were thinking of kicking
us, weren't you?" He chuckled darkly. "You're some piece of
work, girl. You were going to kick and possibly kill– I know
you still have that bomb I gave you– the only person who could help
you get out of this alive just because he happens to be stuck inside
a girl's body. MAN, you're some piece of work!"

His
voice dropped down, muttering something in a language she didn't
recognize, although from the tone, it probably wasn't
complementary. Unconsciously, her grip tightened on the bomb.

Wrapping
the last length of the bandage around her ankle, he secured the
fabric and gently started to fit her sandal over it. "Set that off,
and we both die."

Glaring
at him one last time, Ino sulkily stuck the bomb into her hip pouch,
wondering if he was going to ask for it back. For a long while, they
just sat there in the mud, rain dripping all over them as the pervert
fit her sandal over her foot, and her bearing it in stony silence.
Only one person noticed something was really wrong with that picture.

----------------------------------------

Sakura
boggled. Tried to rub her eyes and remembered she didn't have
voluntary muscle control any more. Boggled some more.

Finally,
she said, This is the longest I've ever seen Ino quiet.

Really?
Kurt said, not really interested, still braced for whatever attack
Ino decided to make on their person as he just about finished putting
the sandal back on. Hmm. Imagine that.

Are
you paying attention to me? Sakura demanded, a bit put off at
being ignored by someone in her own head.

Not
really, Kurt answered honestly. I'm kind of waiting to get
hurt here.

Well,
you can stop, Sakura said. Ino likes to put speech before
violence. If she's not talking, she's not going to do anything
else.

You
won't mind if I take measures just in case? Kurt said, making
one final adjustment before letting go of the sandal and bracing them
to be hit anywhere. He couldn't cover all points, but at least
their face, chest and… down there… would be covered if necessary.

They
waited. Nothing happened.

Tentatively,
Kurt opened their other eye–he'd closed one in case she did
get a face shot in– watching the Yamanaka girl. She was still
sitting there in the mud, her arms crossed, glaring at him– them,
really, but he knew it was meant for him– glaring while seated in
the mud. Well, at least she wasn't kicking or making noise.

Cautiously,
he stood up, futilely trying to wipe the mud off their clothes, a
useless gesture at best, incriminating for the wrong reasons at
worst. Ceasing that, he crossed their arms. "So, do you think you
can stand, or do you have to be picked up again?" he said, hoping
for the former. For someone so light, she sure got pretty heavy.

It
turned out she could stand. But the way she was putting all
her weight on them, they might as well have carried her anyway.

----------------------------------------

"Okay,
we need a break," Kurt said as the tell-tale shaking in their arms
rose to such a level that they couldn't be ignored any more.
Dropping back down to ground level after a cursory visual and chakra
sweep, he put down Ino as gently as he could beneath a tree and
collapsed onto the ground, waiting for the shaking and aching to
subside.

"You
just had
a break," Ino hissed, arms crossed in front of her chest in
annoyance.

"You
try carrying someone for long and see how you like it!" Kurt
snapped back quietly.

Kurt
rolled his eyes, ignoring the responses Sakura wanted him to throw at
Ino, most of it involving the incendiary and edged objects in the
pouches. "Of course he could! Sasuke is a guy and thus has
more muscle mass and upper body strength than a girl with as much or
less training- and Sakura definitely has 'less'."

"Hah!
I knew Sakura was a weakling!" Ino declared.

"She
could still beat you senseless," Kurt said, standing up for
his host and himself. It was technically his body too, after all,
even if he was a 'he'. "You're too light to have any actual
muscle on you. Man, what do you eat, grass and air?"

"At
least I'm not a pig like you," Ino sniffed.

"Are
you talking to me, or Sakura?" was the dry reply. Ino's
only response was to shake, rubbing her shoulders for warmth and
glaring at them.

Man,
it's cold, Sakura said suddenly.

Well,
it is raining and we are soaked to the skin, Kurt
pointed out.

We
need to stay warm, or else we might get hypothermia or something!

Pause.

This
isn't one of those times when someone suggests we cuddle up to
exchange body heat, is it? Because I'm fairly certain she'd stab
me, Kurt said.

LIKE
I'D WANT TO DO THAT WITH INO-PIG!

Okay,
just checking…

Blink,
and Kurt strained his ears, listening. What was that…?

A
second later, something he'd been too distract to notice while
talking to Ino and Sakura finally hit Kurt's chakra senses, and the
boy-in-girl scrambled to his feet, hands darting for kunai as
he moved to stand in front of Ino. A second after that, he
wondered what the heck he was doing…

They
were bandits, and they were armed, much to Kurt's trepidation. The
three were wearing bandoliers, fishnets and bandanas, obviously more
ill equipped to deal with the water and cold than the kunoichi were.
They were, however, better armed. One carried a length of chain,
another carried a sickle and the last carried an honest to goodness
katana!

"HEY!
It's the bitch that threw us into the water!" the one with the
sickle said, gesturing towards Kurt and Sakura. Luck seemed to be
enjoying hitting them on the head with bad.

"Oh,
frick…" Kurt muttered, jaw clenched tightly, hands shaking in
more than cold as he held the kunai tightly, eyeing the three
in front of him as they moved to flank him and Ino. "A little help
here?" he hissed towards the girl behind him. "Please…?"

Not
waiting for a reply, or for there to be more opponent-to-opponent
banter, Kurt threw one of his kunai at the bandits, before
making some quick seals. "Kage Bunshin!"

At
least fifteen shadow clones appeared around Kurt, surrounding them
and providing cover. They charged the bandits, brandishing their
kunai as Kurt reached into his pouch, pulling out bombs by the
handful. "Fire in the hole," he said, merely because he'd
always wanted to say it, before lobbing the bombs over handed at the
bandits. It missed, not hitting them directly, but managing to stun
the bandits and taking out the majority of the shadow clones.

Repeating
the technique, he had them swarm the bandits, while he took potshots
at them with shuriken, drawing blood.

The
one with the katana, while not exactly a master swordsman, obviously
had experience using his weapon. His wide slashes would take down at
least on clone every sweep. The other two weren't doing so badly
either.

Deciding
to change tactics, Kurt made a fresh batch of clones and directed
them to dog-pile the bandits, having them latch on to their arms and
legs.

It
was the chain wielder who fell first. Kurt and three of the clones
kicked him on the head, knocking him out and probably giving him a
concussion. He fell like a ton of bricks.

The
tactic wasn't working on the others, however. Their edged weapons
were more effective at taking down the shadow clones.

Making
a quick succession of seals, Kurt gathered chakra to his hand,
forming a crackling filed of lightning. Charging at the sickle
wielder, he ducked under the attempted decapitation, loosing the last
of his clones swarming the guy. Punching the bastardized Raikiri
into the ground, he was rewarded with an explosion of dirt, the force
knocking his target back and into the air. Quickly changing the punch
into a handstand, he kicked upward, hitting the guy in the groin and
the stomach and knocking him against a tree.

Flipping
back to his feet, Kurt sent a rapid-fire barrage of punches, knocking
the guy back. Narrowly getting missed by the sickle, Kurt threw a
kunai into the guy's leg.

It
was only a tickle in his chakra sense that warned him to dodge to the
side, yet even that wasn't enough as a burning pain suddenly drew
fire along Kurt's side, eliciting a cry of pain from Sakura and a
barely stifled outburst from Kurt. Dodging away, he turned to face
both bandits, trying to ignore the injury on his side. The sickle
wielder was pulling the kunai out of his leg, grimacing while
the other advanced, sword drawn and ready. There were no signs of
shadow clones.

Get
us out of here! Sakura yelled as she panicked, and Kurt began
doing seals, drawing it out and waiting for them to attack.

The
bandit charged, stabbing, and piercing their chest. There was a puff
of smoke, and suddenly, his weapon was imbedded into a log. They
appeared behind the sickle wielder and tried to kick him on the back
of the head, but the bandit managed to doge, and they were barely
able to avoid the farming implement, only to be back-handed
unexpectedly and getting knocked into the nearest tree, stunning
them.

Ow…
he and Sakura chorused.

The
bandit loomed over them as they struggled to move, but a kick to the
midsection promptly made them loose their breath, their equilibrium
and nearly what was left of the contents of their stomach. Raising
the sickle to finish the job, the bandit was suddenly unable to do so
as a katana blossomed in his chest. With a wet gurgle, he fell over,
thankfully completely dead.

Ino,
Sakura whispered, and Kurt looked over towards where they'd left
the blonde girl, who was now slumped bonelessly against her tree, a
glazed look in her eyes and her hand still in a position resembling
some kind of window.

The
last bandit looked down on them. "You okay?" he said, and the
concern in the voice was obvious.

Coughing,
Kurt nodded, getting slowly back to his feet and settling their guts
as best as he could. Taking a few experimental punches, he said,
"Turn that thing around and get out of it."

Ino
twisted the bandit's face, but complied. When the bandit began to
move in confusion, Kurt took that to mean Ino was out and landed a
series of solid blow to the back of his head, knocking him out.

Panting
and trying not to throw up–the sudden exertion had messed up their
stomach again– Kurt dragged themselves towards were Ino lay.
"Thanks," he said, collapsing down next to her and hunching over
their stomach.

Ino
looked at them sideways, lips pursed. "You're welcome."

The
two fell silent, just sitting there in the rain…

----------------------------------------

In
the end, they had to move again. Recovering the sickle and katana,
the former securely in Ino's grip and the latter in a sheath taken
from the bandit and tucked into the belt pouch in Kurt's back, they
headed for the general direction of the bridge.

----------------------------------------

– To
be continued...

----------------------------------------

A/N:
If I got the details of drowning and mouth to mouth resuscitation
wrong, my bad, but I don't have time for non-anime research.

They
can pull off the Tajuu
Kage Bunshin because of very good chakra control. Cheap evasion,
I know, and a bit late, but better late than never.

This
is an AU world, since everyone knows everyone, even though the
chuunin exams haven't started yet, for reasons related to Sakura
being an orphan. Just have to think of what those could be...

Oh
yeah! Sakura's parents died, and since they were popular, a lot of
people were at the funeral, even the Hyuugas. That's where Sakura
met everyone, and everyone met everyone else. This was pre-massacre,
so Sasuke was still in a meeting people mood.