A salesman for a blender (which will remain nameless) stood lonely, with a large containment vessel full of fresh fruits and veggies awaiting obliteration.

Jake said, “Why waste your fruit? We’ll drink your smoothie.”

And so, the salesman threw himself into his peer-reviewed dissertation, with too much excitement for the small audience of our humble family.

I kicked Jake for selling his soul for a free, 33ml smoothie.

And tuned out, making faces at my sons. Until I heard this: “ . . . breaking it down to the atomic level . . .” I perked up.

“I didn’t know that Costco sold Residential Particle Accelerators!! Oh man, The Center for Advanced Microstructures and Devices at Louisiana State University won’t make a dime on Accelerator sales this year! Especially because their product takes up at least 800 square feet!”

A particle accelerator that can fit on your counter top? I mean, who doesn’t need that! And what a steal at $299. The one I looked at the Cornell Electron-Positron Storage Ring was like three million dollars!

So, for all you Pinterest lovers who need some neutrons and protons for crafts or recipes or the like, you now have a residential option. You can whip up your own quarks at home, in your blender! Can’t wait to see what you create from your homemade polyatomic ions.