Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Friday, January 27, 2012

for the last 45 i have been laying in bed, tears literally streaming down my face as i attempt, and fail, to sleep. i pulled something in my back so it's incredibly difficult to get comfortable without being in pain. then once i finally do get comfortable i start coughing so hard i'm close to throwing up. this is just ridiculous now. my only savior is if i somehow cry myself to sleep. i think i'm gonna go home this weekend. i can't deal on my own.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

i found myself lately having ugly feelings and thoughtsand i remember that i was not always this pleasant, i thinkthat this is something i have to work at every day, everyone doesi've been such a happy person for so much of my time for so long that i forgot what it's like to be consumed by an ugly feelingit's not funit's not niceit's not something i want to continuebut then i appreciate its existence, i remember how amazing it is that it only comes once in a whilewhen something's worth italthough not justifiedif that makes sensegood night.

Monday, April 18, 2011

i had a dream today. i took a nap and i had a dream. i got knocked up by one of my friends from college. but i didn't know i was pregnant? my friend maritza was going around telling all of our friends about how happy she was and how we were gonna have a party, but only 20-30 people. small, by her standards. she runs around with an enthusiasm i obviously don't share. she leaves the apartment to go god knows where and i sit at the kitchen table with my friends anabel and brenda and say "i don't remember taking a test". anabel says something like she remembers. she was with me or maritza was. something along those lines. but i automatically know who the father is, but i don't remember the fun in getting pregnant. so that sucks. anabel starts asking me if i'm gonna finish up school after i have the baby and i start thinking "wait, am i having this baby? i can't get an abortion?" then somehow i think that i'm about 3 months along, not sure if that's too late. then i start holding my stomach like pregnant women do. i start feeling sick. then i wake up.another baby dream where i don't remember having the kid/getting pregnant.weird.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

it's been so long since i've been in an argument with someone that got so frustrating it almost reduced me to tears. it just happened. how can someone be so closed minded? i don't understand. how can someone negate someone else's existence? to say being bisexual is just confusion. never anything more. that everyone has to get married. everything is defined by marriage. everything is defined by what you were doing right before you died. so if i was with a girl from age 20-40 then a guy from 40-80 when i died then i'm straight because those 20 years of my life were just CONFUSION AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND MYSELF BECAUSE OTHER PEOPLE UNDERSTAND ME BETTER THAN I DO AND HAVE THE RIGHT TO LABEL ME. IT IS JUST BAFFLING. i don't even know. i don't even fucking know.