Please be more specific. Are these errors things that can be easily picked up like improper verb tense, or more difficult to spot quickly like idiomatic phrasing? Don't expect the author to read your mind here.

Mr creep, what grade are you currently in at school? The writing level of your draft is rather below community expectations for SCP articles. If you're unfamiliar with professional-level clinical tone, we can recommend some tools for self-study if you have not yet taken AP-level writing courses.

With regards to the draft, the core concept is pretty uninteresting, and should be fixed before you attempt editing the draft itself. As such, I recommend getting the base idea polished up in the Ideas and Brainstorming forum. Go to that forum, post a quick summary of the concept you want to write up (don't link the draft unless someone asks), and reviewers there can help you figure out how to make the idea worth drafting up.