Sunday, June 04, 2017

Losing My Religion And Finding Faith In Myself

Last night, London experienced yet another terrorist attack courtesy of warped religious dogma. Yes, the attackers screamed some version of praise to Allah, but heinous acts and behavior are carried out in this country and around the world daily in the name of the Christian God as well. Certitude is dangerous. And when certitude is combined with religion, people become targets and people die.

I wrote these words exactly two years ago today. I hate that this morning, as more people lay dead around the world as a result of that certitude, they are more timely than ever.

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Study after study continues to reveal the exodus taking place from organized religion. Since 2012, 7.5 million people are estimated to have walked away.

In terms of young people leaving their churches, excuses get thrown up by leaders like "It's not cool. That's why they left." But the reality is that young people are the ones who have the closest view to why religious doctrines, tenets, dogma, rules, and threats are so much papal bull, as it were.

Young people today are growing up in a world where their friends are openly gay - and guess what? They know firsthand that they themselves are not turned gay because of association with someone who is. They know that acknowledging a transgender person's struggle to live honestly as who they know themselves to be is not a virus they are going to catch by being friends. And they know that not every person who is a different color or from a different culture means them harm.

So to sit in a pew and be lectured at in what is completely opposite of what they know and experience daily?

THAT is why people are leaving organized religion behind. Why young people grow up rolling their eyes, and why adults - who are open minded enough - have finally had their fill of guilt, threats, and carrots.

I was 18 when I stopped attending church. That was the point I was no longer under my parents' roof and they could no longer order me into the car to go sit and be lectured at each Sunday.

It was exhilarating to be out from under it. When some of your earliest memories are of sitting in a church and thinking to yourself that "this is stupid"? Well, that was age 6, so do the math.

Yet even though I was no longer walking into a cathedral, the "nag" still existed in the back of my mind. The one that is generated by fear. Even understanding the word indoctrination, and knowing that it was at the heart of my worries, worry I still did. Worry about heaven. Worry about hell. Worry about my pew punchcard not getting filled.

Even as I got married (not in a church) and had children, who we agreed would not be raised in religion, the "nag" persisted. Helped in great part my my mother who, to this day, worries about my confident disregard for everything she chooses to cling to.

Rudy and I both knew we did not want to inject dogma into the lives of our children. No matter how you like to parse it to make your choices seem prettier or more noble, imbuing a child with a specific set of religious rules and doctrines is brainwashing. It is indoctrination into group think, with little to no room for self expression, questioning, or acceptance of any other thought process.

Call it a gift if you must, but the reality is with your gift you have effectively cut off your child's room to think, analyze, and choose for themselves. And no, my children have not suffered for our decision. Anyone who knows them know them to be compassionate, intelligent, open minded, giving, self confident, thinking young people with stables of friends in every shape, size, religion, no religion, culture, and accent. Do they judge? Yes, they do. If you are an asshole, you need not apply. Beyond that? Come on in. Sadly that is not the experience they have had with their religious comrades who talk down, judge them, and vocally inform them they are headed to hell.

It was not until I hit 40 when I actually got over the "nag". The fear. 40 years old and finally able to say out loud, "I don't need it, I don't want it. And that's FINE."

So I get it that people struggle. I do. But I also know that there is life beyond religion because I found it. I have found a fuller life. A life where acceptance is the norm. A life where my faith is in action, not on some attendance/tithing sheet in the rectory office.

A while back I mentioned how I wish people would just walk away from their churches for one full year. Leave the structures and the strictures and just live by heart. Not because somebody at a pulpit is scaring you each Sunday, threatening damnation, or promising salvation. But because as decent human beings, we do actually know how to live the right way.

And no, I am not espousing or promoting atheism, although there is absolutely nothing wrong with believing only in treating others decently. And I am not talking about leaving faith behind. Faith goes with you if it fits. Faith is not something to which only a pastor, priest or imam holds the key

Ask yourself, what are you afraid would happen if you walked away from it for a year? Discover God on your own terms? Develop a relationship that does not involve a middleman or price tag?

If the mere thought frightens you, you need to ask yourself WHY.

More importantly you need to take a good hard look at your faith's guidebook. No, not the Bible, or whatever tome your religion holds dear. But the rulebook preached at you that keeps you distanced from others, and judging. This is not about condemning you, but simply asking you to honestly look at what your religion teaches, requires.

Does your religion hurt other people?

That's a dicey question because it calls for the bravery to have the answer be YES.

Does your religion claim to have the keys to the kingdom and that everyone else should be prayed for because they are wrong?

Does your religion have you believing Josh Duggar is somehow not a criminal and Caitlyn Jenner is some abhorrent creature?

Does your religion espouse the "love the sinner, hate the sin" crap? Because it is crap. It is self righteous and shameful because all it does it provide you with a holier than thou "out" for your hurtful behavior. I have news for you. We "sinners" don't want your love because your love is judgement wrapped up in condescension and the belief that you are right and we are wrong.

Does your religion teach that certain folks are going to hell? Certainly not YOU, but other people, you know - gay, lesbian, trans - the ones who make you feel oogey.

Does your religion teach you that "those" people are deviant? Predators? Molesters?

Does your religion teach that women are less than men? Must be submissive?

Finally, does your religion make the promise of salvation in exchange for something?

If the answer to any of those is yes, then you ARE involved in the systematic hurting of other people. And for that reason alone, you should grab your god by one hand and your integrity by the other and walk away. If even for a while. Get some distance. Get some perspective.

Sartre wrote in his play No Exit, "Hell is other people." He was right. And these days, those other people are so often the ones who firmly believe they have a Fastpass to heaven just so long as they treat "others" like shit here on Earth.

Think not? Then explain the Duggars. Admittedly hiding a repeat offender child molester all the while running for Senate espousing that molesters should receive the death penalty. Ignoring the pathology at play under their own roof while making robocalls stating transgender people are pedophiles.

And even when asked about that last one in the interview last evening, Michelle had the stupidity to say, "I stand by that. It's common sense."

I give her credit for one thing. The straight face while this hypocrisy spewed from her gob.

Hiding behind a "Because God" mindset does no one favors. It does not make you smarter. It does not make you think. For some it does not allow you to think. It does not make you even come close to asking questions. Because God...

And it's "Because God" that the religious apologists are out in full force defending the Duggars. "Well, he said God forgave him."

Well, two can play at that game. Italked to God and He said that Josh Duggar and his parents are criminals who preyed on the most innocent among the flock and that they will all be burning in Hell like tator tots for all eternity. And that all the people defending the actions will be skewered like human shishkabobs and deep fried forever.

Why is THAT any less believable? Less valid? What's that? How do you know God didn't say these things to me? Prove it. Just be sure you use that same litmus test on Duggar.

And you know, even if God - however God may exist - does forgive Josh? This is reality - the flesh and blood here and now - and we have societal rules in place to protect one another, and punish those who break the laws. The fact that his parents hid from the laws until they could no longer touch Josh? That technicality doesn't make his CRIMES less heinous, or make them go away.

People are leaving religion because the smell of hypocrisy is akin to that of a cattle farm. And one can only take so much before they get sick to their stomach.

Do not think that you can hide behind some weak, "But they are not real Christians" defense either just because you are not comfortable with some of the things they say or do. Yes, they are real Christians. In fact, chances are they would say that YOU are not the real one because YOU don't interpret the way they do. And if you defend your chosen religion while at the same time saying, "Well, I don't believe everything it says/does/thinks..." then why are you staying? My hope would be that you are working to change it from within, not staying because of inertia.

Walk away. If even just to find a better fit, walk away.

You won't burn. The church won't fall in on itself. And if there IS a God? It seems your behavior, not your attendance, is the key here.

Are there exceptions? Of course there are. There are some churches that break from the hierarchy over them and preach an actual gospel of love thy neighbor, welcoming everyone, ministering to everyone, teaching their young congregants that everyone is OK.

Sadly, those are not the majority.

And it's to those that I direct this. Without the influence of organized religion, you are actually free to think for yourself. It actually becomes kind of mandatory. You are free to throw off the mental shackles that keep you distanced from other people. To meet them. Talk to them. Experience them. Gay people don't have any agenda other than wanting to be treated as full and complete citizens who are allowed to live peacefully and freely. Transgender people are not looking to molest your toddler. They are looking for love, acceptance, compassion, safety. The same as you, the same as me.

Sure, you may have a community in your church, but did you know it is possible to build a community without your church? One that includes ALL kinds of people, not just like minded people?

Without religion's rules hanging over your head, you may finally realize the humanity you have in common with everyone. Had I stayed in my religion, I know exactly what I would have been expected to condemn, do, think, be. And I don't want that. I want to make my own decisions about each person I meet, based on how they treat me, treat others.

Because that is what is at the core of every human being. Humanity. The ability to recognize, sympathize, empathize with another. That doesn't happen when you segment. That doesn't happen when you allow yourself to be told what to think, when to think, who to hate, how to hate. (And it IS hate. No matter how you try to wrap it up, your condemnation, denigration, and judgement is experienced as hate by the one on the receiving end.) That doesn't happen when you are immersed in a belief system that protects actual child molesters yet condemns a human being allowing us to see them at their most vulnerable in the hopes they may help someone else.

John Lennon sang it:

Imagine there's no heavenIt's easy if you tryNo hell below usAbove us only skyImagine all the peopleLiving for today...

Live for today. Take a chance. God is not a commodity that can be held captive by a building. God belongs to whoever wants Him. And faith is not something that can be purchased with the passing of a basket down the pew.

You may say I'm a dreamer, but with each passing day, I'm definitely not the only one.