- Chaos

No matter how sober you get, you can't make chaos go away. You can only change the way you react to it, or not react. The first step reminds us that our lives are out of control, therefor by let go and letting God, he will show us the way through chaos.

We achieve a better understanding of his will for us, by conscious contact and by working the steps.

My sponsor would probably tell me that I created the chaos so it's my job to clean it up and deal with it. He would also probably tell me that I better not be blaming it on God, or asking God to do my job. For me, to pray for the knowledge of God's will for me and the power to carry that out" ... means... if I created the chaos... I'm praying for the power to clean it up and stop doing it!

I remember once being in a very difficult financial situation. Some might have referred to it as chaos. I prayed and ask God to help me with it. Now, I don't really know if I heard this or not... but it seemed like I heard "Get your ass up off your knees and go to work! It ain't my job to solve your money problems... I gave you the dirt out there... go stick your hands in it and do something with it to make a buck or two!"

Perhapsâ€¦ we only have chaos because we believe in chaos, or believe that chaos is necessary.

What if we simply just changed our minds about chaos? (And, stopped creating it?)

Might not be a bad idea. Or maybe I just didn't clarify myself well enough.

Of course if the chaos is ours, we would be expected to clean it up.

But no matter where we are at, chaos exists. It's not always of our making. It's a part of life. It would certianly be difficult to tell a man or woman that was just pluck from the roof of thier home that was under water that chaos didn't exist or that they had created it. The bottom line is how they reacted to it. Some heeded the early warning sings and left, having more time to collect as much of thier lives as they could. Some didn't. That would be a hard call for any one to make.I certianly don't know how I would have racted because I have never been in that position. The point I was making is that no matter what is going on around us, our responcibility is to use the tools we have learned to deal with it without taking a drink, or getting sucked into the chaos. The looting, and the violence in the case of New Orleans. To ask for help and trust that our high power will walk us through it. That his will be done.

The part about how sober you are was merly a metaphor, indicating how far along you are in your own recovery, and your reliance on that Higher Power.

Let go and let God is another indication of faith and trust levels brought only through continuous consci9ous contact.

Page 50 BB: "Here are thousands of men and women, worldly indeed. They flatly declare that since they have come to believe in a Power greater than themselves, to take a certain attitude toward that Power, and to do certain simple things, there has been a revolutionary change in their way of living and thinking. In the face of collapse and despair, in the face of the total failure of their human resources, they found that a new power, peace, happiness, and sense of direction flowed into them. This happened soon after they wholeheartedly met a few simple requirements."

Page 83-84 BB: "....We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves."

Page 100 BB: "Both you and the new man must walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. If you persist, remarkable things will happen. When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God's hands were better than anything we could have planned. Follow the dictates of a Higher Power and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world, no matter what your present circumstances!"

Page 103 BB: "After all, our problems were of our own making. Bottles were only a symbol. Besides, we have stopped fighting anybody or anything. We have to!"

Page 132 BB: "But we aren't a glum lot. If newcomers could see no joy or fun in our existence, they wouldn't want it. We absolutely insist on enjoying life. We try not to indulge in cynicism over the state of the nations, nor do we carry the world's troubles on our shoulders."

Page 132 BB: "So we think cheerfulness and laughter make for usefulness."

Page 133 BB: "We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free. We cannot subscribe to the belief that this life is a vale of tears, though it once was just that for many of us. But it is clear that we made our own misery. God didn't do it. Avoid then, the deliberate manufacture of misery, but if trouble comes, cheerfully capitalize it as an opportunity to demonstrate His omnipotence."

Page 152 BB: "We have shown how we got out from under. You say, "Yes, I'm willing. But am I to be consigned to a life where I shall be stupid, boring and glum, like some righteous people I see? I know I must get along without liquor, but how can I? Have you a sufficient substitute?"

Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. There you will find release from care, boredom and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you."

Page 153 BB: "It may seem incredible that these men are to become happy, respected, and useful once more. How can they rise out of such misery, bad repute and hopelessness? The practical answer is that since these things have happened among us, they can happen with you. Should you wish them above all else, and be willing to make use of our experience, we are sure they will come. The age of miracles is still with us. Our own recovery proves that!"

Page 164 BB: "Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.

Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.

May God bless you and keep you-until then."

My own personal experience: "When I look back, I realize that the things which came to me when I put myself in God's hands were better than anything I could have planned.... And I am presently living in a new and wonderful world, no matter what my present circumstances!"

The age of miracles is still with us... for those who are willing to take action, and we are sure the miracles will come to them

918gma wrote:But no matter where we are at, chaos exists. It's not always of our making. It's a part of life.

I may not have created it... but in some way I had a part in it.

In 1994, I had been living in Northridge, California during the Northridge Earthquake. My house suffered tremendous damage. Other houses and apartment buildings near me totally collapsed. Houses and buildings were on fire near me. Streets were on fire. There was no water pressure to fight the fires and some of the fire trucks were trapped in fire stations. EMS could not respond because entire roads had been destroyed.

I didn't cause the earthquake but I did choose to live in Southern California where earthquakes are notorious.

I could say "Well, there was no advanced warning... no earthquake alert to evacuate." But, there had been earthquake alerts year after year after year. We were always told "prepare for the Big One!" And, to some degree, I was prepared because I had listened to the warnings.

Had I made a decision to leave Southern California, I would not have been affected by the earthquake.

Had I moved to Oklahoma instead, I may have encountered a tornado. But, if I took the time to check weather patterns... perhaps I would know that a tornado would be likely.

When I look at other events that were chaotic in my life, whether I caused them or not... there were red flags of warning that I could have observed.

For me, it's about being responsible. Being responsible is not the same as "I caused it." By being responsible... I have the "ability to respond" rather than "react."

But no matter where we are at, chaos exists. It's not always of our making. It's a part of life.

I think I understand what you are trying to say. My life is full of chaos most of the time. It's not chaos that I caused and certainly had no control over the events that happened. My only part in it is that I exist in the situation.

As usual, I will have to give examples of what I mean.

1. When my sister 'V' was dying none of the rest of the family were aloud to go to be with her. V had a falling out a few years before and although she had tried to make amends, she was ignored. I was not involved with the conflicted because I had decided years ago not to get involved with the family issues. Anyway, when she got diagnosed terminal the rest of the family finally wanted to accept her ammends. As far as V was concerned it was too late and she wanted to die in peice. This left things very difficult for the rest of the family, especially my other sister 'R' because she was also diagnosed terminal and wanted to set things right with V. They both had there own inventory to deal with and I was stuck in the middle. I tried to support each of them in what they were going through and respect each of there wishes without offending either one of them. I guess you could say 'I chose' to be in that situation but what else could I do. I love both of them dearly and understood both sides. I didn't want to loose either one of them. I spent many sleepless nights praying for our higher power to help them both though this. V ended up dying and R never had the opportunity to see her before that happened. Now she holds so much resentment towards V I have had to ask her to stop talking about it to me because it upsets me so much. Chaos that I didn't cause and could do nothing about but chaos non the less. I had to let go, stop trying to fix things and let them get their own direction from their own higher power.

2. My daughter in law is absolutely refusing to let me see my grandson. Although I have tried sorting things out with my son, he is left stuck in the middle. Every time he tries to talk to her about me they end up in an arguement and she walks out on him. This is all over one incident that happened back in January after they had just moved out of my house after living with me for a year and a half. The more I tried to fix things the worse things got. I finally had to tell my son to please stop arguing about me and work things out with her so that my grandson will have a chance at a good life. It was chaos not being able to be part of their life but there was nothing I could do. So I had to let go and let god. I prayer they she will be able to find forgiveness and let me into my grandsons life. The week before I moved my son came over to get some things that he still had stored at my house. He is still very angry with me for things I said to her at our last conversation. I asked him if he wanted the new address and phone number and he told me he won't be needing it. Again, it was like a knife through my heart. So is this chaos my doing? I've done everything I can think of to make things right with her to no avail even so far as accepting all the accusations she has against me and apologizing for everything she thinks I have done wrong. So finally I had to let go and let god. I can not control their inventory. They will have to work through that themselves and if they don't a may never see my grandson.

So the way I interpreted your post is that bad things still happen and we have no control over that sometimes. We do the best we can and when we can't do anything we let go and let god.

When I look at other events that were chaotic in my life, whether I caused them or not... there were red flags of warning that I could have observed.

For me, it's about being responsible. Being responsible is not the same as "I caused it." But, when I "inventory" the event... I find that I had a part in it... even if it was ignoring the "red flags.

"

In my oppinion, sometimes the only responsibility we have in certain events is that we exist. In every situation in life there are always 'what if' and 'if only'. If we were to take responsiblity for every single thing that happened to us in our lives imagine the guilt we would feel. I spent many many years trying to convince myself that what happened to me as a child was not 'my fault'. There are a lot of 'ifs' that could have prevented it from happening but it's a word that have no place in a past tense.

Ok, I guess I'm rambling on now and maybe not making alot of sense but I guess I just refuse to take responsiblity for events that happen in my life that cause me harm just because I exist. Maybe I've taking the post a little to literally. I've been thinking too much this afternoon catching up on all the posts so maybe I'll take a little break.

Are you saying in your examples that you only "existed" in the events regarding your sisters and in the events regarding your son and daughter-in-law?

Also, I read a post you wrote today that you are still working on step 4.

I know that whenever I have "made amends" before doing an inventory and discussing it with my sponsor or at least another sober alcoholic I have always had to go back and make the amends again. Sad but true. You may find you will need to do this with your son and daughter-in-law.

That's exactly what I was talking about, and you got it. Dingers, bells, whistles, and all.

We have to live in this world right along with every one else. It's how we respond to it that makes or breaks us.

As far your family, they don't know how lucky they are to have you. Thank god we do. You have a sesitivity and intuity that is almost unearthy. Yet you are solid in your program and able to separate it all.

You must have got your nap. lol. Seriously, I can see your point. I too am a thinker. I have thought my self into more calamity than Calamity Jane.

I know where the answers are. With each bit of chaos, I am learning to deal with it better. I don't get sucked in, and start reacting instead of acting. That's my drunk a log m.o. I never made a decision, there for the decision always made it'self leaving me "Victumised". Well Glory be, if I had just learned how to make a decision based on good information instead of reacting to the decesion made for me, life would have been easier. I still find myself doing that to a degree today, hence the subject matter that has caused so much debait.

Although if we look back over this whole debacle, you'll find as I have there some pretty good stuff come out of it. I know I have learned a lot.so thank you one and all.