I have a girlfriend who displayed verbal and physical abusive behavior during a time in our 9 years of knowing each other, 7 of which we were together. When word got out she was abusive to me in the middle of the relationship, my parents forced our separation and we have not spoken to each other for 2 years. Hence, the 9 years.

I got back with her because frankly she is my bestfriend despite the abusive past she displayed for a time. Removing her abusive behavior from the picture, we connect in so many levels and I could literally check everything on my bucket-list for the kind of dream girl I want and she has it all. So as you can see, I am having trouble reconciling the notion that since she was once an abusive person, does that negate everything good about her? Especially in terms of considering her for being a marriage partner? Obviously, she isn't abusive anymore right now. But I don't have a guarantee if she will be triggered again...

Let me rephrase the question:

If you had the girl of your dreams but there was one catch or deal-breaker, would you still try to give her a chance to change?

What I am getting at is this, since we know that time, psychological time, past, mind and suffering are all inseparable from each other and Power of Now encourages us to dissolve the past and let go of all these delusions through Presence, should I forget her past wrongdoings entirely? Especially if I am seriously considering her as my life-partner?

Is her once abusive behavior an indelible mark in our relationship that I should not forget and hence not stay with her anymore? Or, since I now realize she was acting out unconsciously, and that underneath that is her true nature, her Being, should I give her a chance to change and stay?

Do you really want someone else telling you how you should live your life? You know what your tolerance level is. All relationships are a mixed bag of what we like and what we don't. What do your instincts tell you? What feels right? Trust your own inner guidance. Maybe you'll get some answers that offer insights. That's good. Insights will work to help guide you. However, avoid 'shoulds', especially the external ones.