I'm Voting For Megatron, And You Should Too.

DECEPTICONS, UNITE!

In all seriousness – I hate to even touch on the topic of politics, because quite frankly it pisses me off in so many ways, but I have to get this out there, if anything just to let off some steam caused by all of the fucking commercials I've been enduring for the past few weeks. I’ll be voting for Megatron, not only because Obama and Romney are both inadequate to serve as the President of this country, but because I’m tired of the general public being so convinced that we’re a two-party system.

Ask anyone you know, and most of the time, they’ll tell you that they’re either a Democrat or a Republican, and they’ll more than likely go one to quote some rhetoric from one of their favorite political puppets, and talk about how wrong you are if you don’t believe in the same ideals that they do. That shit makes me want to sell all of my belongings, buy a Kia Soul, and drive it off of the Walt Whitman bridge blasting LMFAO until I hit the water like a cement wall, because it’s that fucking mind-numbingly douchey.

Why is this? As of right now, there are over 40 established political parties (of course, not all of them necessarily have a proper candidate at the moment) to choose from. It’s like going to a diner and getting chicken fingers every time you go – sure you like them, but do you really want them? People are so convinced that their vote will only matter if they vote for a Democrat or a Republican, since every other uninformed bottom-feeding, mouth breather is doing the same. THAT’S what just might piss me off the most – “I don’t want to vote on an independent because it’s a waste of a vote, it won’t matter in the long run because either a Republican or Democrat will win.” Go die in a fire, right now, if you’ve ever spouted this line off. The whole point of being able to vote, and more specifically, vote anonymously, is that you can vote for WHOEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT. That’s the entire point! If there’s a member of a third party that you think their ideals and plans for the country are solid, and you wholeheartedly believe that they could make a difference, fucking vote for them – don’t let yourself get bullied or coerced into voting for the two “popular” candidates purely because you think your vote won’t count. Guess what, when either one of those “popular” jerkoffs gets elected and drives the country even further into the shitstorm and people start bitching, you can tell them “Guess what asshole, you voted for him.”

That’s the other part that I can’t stand, today, people will be ranting and raving about how fucking amazing Candidate X is, and then once Candidate X gets elected, and 2 years into his presidency, things start to take a shit, and those SAME people start ranting and raving about how Candidate X needs to do more to help so-and-so and needs to do this and that. Shut the fuck up – you gave away your ability to bitch about Candidate X when you voted for him. Oh I’m sorry, what’s that? The politician who’s been making his living through deceit and lies isn’t living up to that commercial you saw on PBS? How can that be a surprise? Seriously – Romney, for example, says he’s going to cut off funding to Planned Parenthood, which is a ballsy, and horribly stupid, statement, but if you have at least 5 functioning brain cells, you’d know that as dumb of a mission to have, it would never make it to legislation – it’s a publicity stunt. Every word out of their mouths is a publicity stunt. Candidate X is a Democrat, so he says extreme things that a Democrat would say, Democrats all across Facebook are lighting up with how “intelligent and composed Candidate X is.” Meanwhile, Candidate Y is a Republican, so he talks about Republican things, so all across Facebook, other e-pundits are furiously making statuses about how incredible Candidate Y’s latest speech was, and how awe-inspiring his cadence is.

It’s all scripted, and it’s all a show. Cracked.com had a rather hilarious article detailing the specific personality traits one would require to be a politician, and it essentially boiled down to 1.) You need to be a complete ego-maniac, because only someone with an ego larger than Texas would think “people will like the FUCK out of me if I became a Politician, I’m doing this.” And 2.) You have to be a complete douchebag, willing to screw over or exploit anyone you may consider “friend” or “family.” (I wish I could track it down as of this writing, but if I do I’ll link back to it on here.)

What does this mean for the state of politics in America? It’s a fucking reality show on MTV. VERY few people in this country judge candidates on their actual plans and platforms, let alone explore all of their options, so how can we avert all of this? How can we completely remove the blinders? It’s actually quite simple, albeit requiring a few steps:

1.) Make attack ads illegal. If I see another ad saying “Candidate X promised to lower taxes, but instead they sacrificed children to the ancient god Tzeentch. Vote for Candidate Y, he worships Slaanesh” I’d immolate myself. (Bonus points to whoever recognizes those deities!)

2.) Eliminate the party system – no longer will any candidate to be able to say “I’m a Democrat,” or “I’m a Republican,” or “I like dicks.” Okay, they can say the latter, but it’s not going to help them any. This will eliminate those god damned political rallies, that in all honesty, look very similar to something else we’ve witnessed in history.

3.) Eliminate lobbying. Seriously, I don’t need to explain it. Lobbyists are like the epitome of the Exchange.

Whoa whoa whoa, what’s that? Politicians no longer get droves of money hurled at them for campaigning? There’s no more socialism-esque rallies going on for any party? PARTIES DON’T EXIST ANYMORE?! WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?! It means every person in this country can judge each candidate on their platforms alone. No more publicity bullshit, no more attack ads, no nonsense.

But let’s get real here, it’ll never happen, because despite what the President may say, people fear change, but they like to appease themselves into thinking things have changed, even when they remain the same. Life will go on, whether for better or for worse, many of us will endure the bullshit in silence, others will get vocal, some will become complacent, others will become angry. Our system isn’t perfect, and honestly it’s barely even functioning – our Government is the red Droid that Uncle Owen almost bought, but sadly we can’t turn it into R2D2.

Megatron's got my vote!!!

Ryan you know this all makes so much sense that it's scary. Reading this kinda reminds me of that dude from last year I think it was, up in NY the guy that was like "The rent is too damn high". http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4o-TeMHys0 people were kind of laughing at this guy because of his demeanor and look, but you know what this dude fucking gets it! If I llived in NY I would have voted for him. Sometimes man you just gotta say fuck it and go against the grain, hopefully we can get the Decepticon's into office soon

THE PRICE OF MOISTURE VAPORATORS

IS TOO DAMN HIGH! But in all seriousness - it is strange that no matter how complex our governmental system may be, it's obvious to see the flaws in it, and how simply they could be rectified. It's a sad day every election season, because every time I have to watch the uninformed masses making judgments on the people that are supposed to lead our country without ANY real information. It's painful to watch our country get marauded by these people - it'd take nothing short of a miracle to break the cycle, but here's to hoping it happens!

Nah, Megatron is too 'good' for politics...

And so you see my reasoning for using Megatron

Since he's the Decepticon leader (which for those of you reading this who may not have been conscious for the 80's and 90's, is the bad guy), he's the only one that has the personality and tenacity to become the president of the United States. Optimus Prime would be too busy doing good deeds, like saving the world, battling evil, and ending hunger and poverty, all because he's legitimately and inherently good, whereas Megatron simply wants to lead and reap the benefits, much like EVERY LEADER EVERYWHERE. I'm hoping minds will be blown when people read this article and then realize that all of these analogies and name-drops are completely intentional.

Politics

I'll never understand that shit. and we're screwed no matter who we vote for. Sure right now, people will say Obama or Romney will be the ones to change things here, for better or worse. But later on they'll be regreting who they voted for, so no matter who you're voting for, we're all doomed till the next 4 years.

And Megatron, screw him since I've yet to see any of his plans succeed, I'm voting for Optimus :P

Would be a cool idea to have a little campaign here to see which users would vote for, Optimus or Megatron, just for laughs.

Great F'in Post!

...despite it being off-topic nonetheless. I agree with your sentiment completely. I always considered myself as a "truther" so to speak and once you become awake, you realize how messed-up things really are. For instance, politicians. Let's face it, they're gangsters. They take our money out of labor and then spend it frivilously. I seriously have some beef with that whole concept--along with the rise in economic disparity and overall cost of living. Two, the whole left/right mentality is so full of it. I just want to go up to a know-it-all liberal hipster and arrogant conservative a-hole to point out that the two parties are no different than each other if any one researches their track record in office and not believe their rhetoric. I vote Megatron, too.

What's hilarious

Is that income tax was supposed to be temporary. So much for that, eh? And a winner is you - Republicans and Democrats are one in the same - they preach their ideals as if they're wildly different, when in fact they have the same exact thought processes.

Good Stuff

I've always told people vote for who you think is right for the job, but the majority of my friends always side with what their political party says. I've been a Registered Republican since I could vote, but I've always gone with who I thought was good. Last election I changed parties and went with Independent, because I'm tired of constant bickering between the two big parties (reminds me of XBox fanboys vs Playstation fanboys).

I'd like to add another rule to your list of how to change politics: stop campaigning on Facebook/Twitter. I've hid so many people on my timeline because they are constantly trying to force their opinions on people. You like so and so, fine, go vote for them, but don't tell me because I don't care. I don't tell you who I vote for, and you should do the same.

Church and State Remerge with Warhammer 40K

Wow both those attack ad candidates sound awesome. I don't know who I favor more. The one who sacrifices to the God of Chaos (Tzeentch) or the one who worships the God of Pleasure (Slaanesh). Those aren't attack adds; they're selling points. LOL

I feel ya Ryan

I don't feel as if my vote matters anyway. The electorial college makes the call and people cannot even run in an election unless they can put a million down and have additional billions of dollars from sponsors. Yeah, that's "classism".

As for Transformers I'd vote for Bumblebee. Aka the lil guy with a heart of gold that's down to earth!