8.10.09

Week Four in the NFL:Ray Lewis feels as though the Ravens were ganged up on by the refs and kicked repeatedly while they were down, killing any chance of a victory

where...

...real men wear pink.
...the Lions win streak is shattered.
...the Bucs and Skins face off in a crap duel.
...Jeff Fisher has the best winless stache in football.
...Favre has one month to refill his reserve tanks of steely, super emotion.
...Tony Romo tries out for the lead in a remake of Shakiest Gun in the West.
...Jay Cutler does an impression of Anton Chigurh doing an impression of John Elway.

...beyond belief!

1st and 10...

The Sex Fire in New York was briefly extinguished by the New Orleans Saints...but not well. It was not fully stamped out, and a few smoldering sex coals remain. These red-hot magma coals need tended to and fanned, and they need a little kindling. They will burn again, and when they do, the Big Apple will be happily roasted in sex flames like the apple in a roast pig's roasted mouth. Then Rex Ryan will eat the pig, and he will be the happiest one of all. For a little while.

There can be absolutely no truth to the ridiculous rumor that Braylon Edwards punched anyone in the face, especially a friend of LeBron James. Braylon's boxing form is too poor to ever win a fight; he's always dropping his gloves. But seriously, this can't help LeBrons chances of staying in Cleveland past 2010. Why would he hang around a town where his friends and family are threatened by football bully jocks? It's probably just all blown out of proportion though. There's also another rumor that Braylon was in a meeting with Brian Sipe, Earnest Byner, John Elway, Art Modell and Dropsy McGhee at two o'clock Monday morning, so he couldn't possibly have been at View Ultralounge to punch LeBron's buddy. So settle down Cleveland, Braylon sounds like a great guy, and this will probably just all blow over.

The New Orleans Saints are 4-0 for the first time since 1993, which is whiggity-whack, yo! The rest of the NFC South better check themselves before they wreck themselves. The Saints offense has been as cool as tight-rolled jeans for a few seasons now, but the Saints defense is making a difference like Heal the World, for real! The biggest Saints related news this week though is the release of the Drew Brees themed, #9 Beanie Baby. If you're a Saints fan, be sure to get one before they sell out. They're collectible!

Desite all of the wins, the streak and the record books; despite the narcissistic interviews and teary press conferences; in site of all the prior press coverage and flying in the face of the fact that every person who has ever even remotely followed the National Football League through an entire football season has already come to the conclusion that Brett Favre is, indeed, good, Jon Gruden still chose to spend all of Monday night telling us that Brett Favre is good. The entire Monday Night Football broadcast! I just hope he didn't spend all week locked in his office game-planning, chugging coffee in the dark, watching VHS tapes of NFC North games from 1996 and thinking about the glory days for a performance like that.

...touchdown!

extra point...

Tom, you reacted like the legless torso of a zombie was right at your feet, chomping it's teeth on your shoelaces. Pointing at the ground and screaming, what was up with that? Brady has to be the top QB in fantasy leagues that count yardage gained by unfairly using your star power and overall dreaminess to influence the referee to throw a flag that never should have been thrown. Way to go Tom!