More non-existential items
Being in the army, theres the usual treatment towards new guys, including getting the youngest Gunner to go get something that doesnt exist.

"Batteries for the chem-lights"
"A left handed screwdriver"
"A new set of grid squares for a 1:25000 map"

and my initiation of being sent to another gun crew for something fairly heavy and thin - "err, actually, go see bravo gun, im pretty sure they have a long weight"

It would have appeared 25 minutes was a long enough wait for me.

The flying pig award surely goes to a young Gnr Phillips who went around an entire 8 gun battery, 2 command posts and made his way to rear echelon asking for some ovaries.
After losing the poor lad for the better part of the afternoon, he returned to his Gun Sgt, proudly reporting that Cpl George (the female mechanic) has a set but she was using them.
(Tue 26th Aug 2008, 12:28, More)

Bloody cellphone users
Back in '97 I was driving through this tunnel in Paris and this driver is talking on his cell-phone. I decide to test his reflexes and give him a little nudge, and sure enough, he wasn't paying attention and crashes. Bloody cellphone users. It even made the news.

Im in the army. We had a new officer posted to our troop, Lt Theodore Budden (Last name changed to protect the guilty). He was doing the introductions, and trying to get on the soldiers goodsides he asked us to give him a nickname. Quick as a snake, our troop Sergeant pipes up -