Reflections on the Surface of a Toe Nail

He knew that if he didn't his poor sheep would be molested by Dennis Rodman....even a doughnut in a dress was not safe from him!

none

I couldn't help notice that there was a dead, bald chinese man in his pocket

ToeJamInDaRocksPants

I had to save him. It was my destiny. She told me so. . .
Three years ago I visited a psychic. . .

Jess Merlin

She told me to save him I must love him then kill him.

bjn

And if I can't kill him myself, I must hire Amy Fischer to do it for me...

none

but the chicken knows my plan . . . he has to go

Jess Merlin

OKAY... I think you all are just writing a bunch of crap. We need something w/ a plot...

none

it's easy said than done.

none

Then Geoffrey looked behind to find a strange looking monster following his trails. The monster was looking very vicious with a huge single fang and human-like skin with tiger-like pattern all over. The monster was over 6ft tall and sudden;y he opened his mouth wide as if to eat him up.

none

"My, aren't we savage today," Geoffrey observed. He batted his long glittery lashes and beckoned to the monster with one voluptuous finger. The monster quirked a large, hairy eyebrow at this unexpected summons, shifting nervously from foot to foot.
"Come on, princess, don't be shy," said Geoffrey. Saucily he began to saunter toward the beast, which stood, transfixed and whimpering, as Geoffrey drew from his black leather satchel a whip and rhinestone-studded collar.

none

Doubtless a scene of some scandal might have occurred just then, had not a wild-eyed blond woman perched on the back of a giant carnivorous bird burst through the sweltering foliage. "Stop, fool!" she cried. "Can't you see this monster is underage?"
Geoffrey paused to gaze at the intruder. Her purple and pink Versace miniskirt uniform clearly marked her as an official Beast Warden of Dememtia National Forest Park Preserve. He glanced back at the quivering monster, in whose eyes large shiny tears had begun to well. Upon closer examination, he noticed that its claws were still retractable, a characteristic exclusive to young monsters. "Oh, blast," he said. "You're right." He turned back to the scantily-clad woman and her mount. "I must say, that's an extraordinary giant carnivorous bird you've got. I've never seen the like."
She smiled and patted the bird's neck fondly. "He's an Urg," she said. "They represented carnal nature in Gabriel de Foigny's 'Terra Australe Connue,' if you're familiar with that work. I wrote my thesis about it in college."
"Oh, I never bother with that sort of claptrap," said Geoffrey dismissively. "Science fictional utopian nonsense--Lawrence is more my style."
"Doesn't surprise me," muttered the Beast Warden. The Urg responded with a ravishing "Aaawk!" and began to perform dressage moves on the leafy forest floor.

whatever you want it to be

Geoffrey watched for a moment, entranced, then noticed the beads of sweat trickling around his nostrils. "I say," he said, "would you care to come back to the club for a scotch and soda? It's beastly hot in this sweltering jungle."
The woman, whose name was Pam, looked at him doubtfully, uncertain of whether she wanted to do anything with a man who harbored a preference for whips and D.H. Lawrence. The Urg, however, rumbled plaintively--he was tired, she knew, and grumpy for want of a pedicure. Who would have guessed that Urgs were so particular about foot hygiene?
"All right," she agreed. "But if you try any funny business, Percival here will disembowel you." The Urg squawked once, and Geoffrey hastily started forward along the path.

you could be next!

A marvelous sprite wondered out onto his path and said do you eat green leaf lettuce?

Jess Merlin

The obvious answer would be no since anything green can't possibly be good for you, but that didn't stop him from taking a leaf or two. Shortly after eating the lettuce, the entire world felt as if it was spinning at thousands of miles per hour (which, of course, it was. That's just how the universe seems to work), and the sun began to go down behind the mountains creating a magnificant spectacle of colors (which also happens on a quite regular basis). It was these pecular facts, as well as the cute little mushrooms he had eaten prior, that led him to believe he was halucinating the whole thing. I mean, who ever heard of a MARVELOUS sprite anyways. That HAS to be figment of imagination. "MARVELOUS". Get real...