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Month: June 2015

(From left to right – my dad, his old friend (who is no longer with us) and my older brother. I’m behind the camera. Killarney National Park, Ontario, Canada, 2006)

People may have a different relationship with their father then I do with mine, or, it may actually be quite similar. The comments below can give you a glimpse into my relationship with my father. This can too. I believe it’s important for young men to take time to reflect on the personal relationships they have with others.

Just so you are not confused with the flow of the comment exchange (hope it makes sense), I’ll explain that I was answering a question from Yusef. I then quoted myself from another comment I made on a D&P post, shared it, then went back talking to Yusef. A quoted comment within a comment. They are from an old post of mine.

YusefWateefsays:
April 25, 2015 at 9:51 pm Edit

Have you actively changed things for yourself since you wrote this?

dcllcdsays:
April 27, 2015 at 1:20 pm Edit

Hi Yusef. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.

“…didn’t focus on more meaningful and serious things like, my health problems, binge drinking, dope smoking, issues with my father and the inability to find validation from within myself.”

The two things that I wanted to ‘work’ on the most were issues with my father and the inability to find validation from within myself.

When it comes to the validation part I feel that I have made great progress. My job is going well and I feel much more comfortable with it. Which means I am more confident in my abilities to perform at my best.

At the time of writing this post I was pretty down on myself. Not depressed, just sad/mad.

I’ve been seeing two women. Both have been a positive addition to my life. Hearing the things they say about me, for example, “You are such an easy guy to talk to” or “You can talk to anyone, I can’t, I’m really shy.” makes me feel good about myself.

If and when they, or I, do decide to move on, I will be more than okay with that decision and won’t get upset.

Making progress with my new career and having two woman enjoy my company has helped tremendously with the cultivation of validation from within myself. I’m more happy on average since writing this post.

Now, when it comes to my relationship with my father, that has been the most important to me, and most difficult to come to terms with.

The best way to explain my relationship with my father is to quote myself from a comment I made on a Danger&Play article.

” “I always tell myself, before I talk to him or see him, that I am going to try to be nicer this time, but as soon as he opens his mouth I get annoyed. It usually ends up with me being a complete dick to him.” -Billy

Billy, you are not alone.

While I was reading your comment I was taken back at how similar the feelings and thoughts you have, towards your father, are to mine with my father.

I do the same thing.

Even now as I write this I don’t think I could explain it any better then you have.

I guess I’ll give an example: often times before I go visit my parents I get a bit of anxiety because of things ‘I think’ my father is going to say or do (perhaps based on passed experiences).

(NOTE: I’m not talking about physical or major verbal abuse or anything like that. Let’s just say my dad was referred to as ‘Red Forman’).

Look, I cannot speak for Billy, but I have a mostly love and a little bit of (why do I feel) hate relationship with my father. As soon as he says something that even slightly resembles something I’ve previously thought he might say, I get angry. The Law of Reflection has recently helped with not being such of a dick towards him.

I’m 29 years old. It’s way past the time to stop being angry at my Dad. He is who he is and I love him very much. You have to stop blaming your parents at a certain point (assuming they haven’t done something incredibly unforgiving). They’re only human.

Billy and Mike thank you. You both have inspired further reflection (and a blog post ha) upon myself regarding my feelings of anger towards my father.”

(back to the original comment exchange with Yusef)

This past Easter I went and visited my parents. It was just my dad, mom, their dog and I. My older brother was away with his girlfriend.

My parents and I, at different times throughout the weekend, had sat down and chatted for awhile. Once with my mom, once with my dad.

It was great to have a nice conversation with both of them. I learned a lot about them and myself. Some things I don’t plan on sharing on this blog.

But what I can share is that I am now able to reflect on my own behavior and see the things that are making me upset and angry. It’s not them, it’s me.

As far as the weed smoking and beer drinking, that has not changed much. I’m trying not to binge drink or have any beers during the week. However I’m still finding it difficult to cut back.

Yusef, thank you again for dropping by. It’s genuine comments and questions like yours that make me want to stay a part of this community.

Thanks for helping me digest some things, re-calibrate myself and see where I’m at.

Thanks again to Billy, Mike, Yusef and others for the inspiration and reflection.