Love the post. This is something that Senior service offices should be offering information and help on. Sometimes an elder will listen better to someone outside the family. Even something we need to do when we have families - don't think to leave all this until you are 'old'.

I've been dealing with the fallout from this for the past 18 months. My mom apparently thought she'd forever live independently and that THINGS made your life worth living. The hardest part is that she still has Rules for what I can and cannot dispose of, even though she will never be in the position to see her "treasures" again.

The title says it all - I am sorry to say it, but my feelings toward my mother have changed (and not for the better).

Oh my gosh, this post is awesome, we have all learned in the past few years what it means to go through stuff of deceased family and friends homes. Wow, it makes me want to grab a trash bag right now! I want to donate as much as possible. We all have too much stuff.....still trying to convince Mark.

Carol you and Hubby are wonderful to even step in and take care of all that needs doing. This post is very much needed by so many of us...and yet we wait. Having a Will and a Trust does not ensure that things will be done as you may have wished. It is a good idea to give while able to do so. The ugly "family" vulture/s will take over if allowed to do so. Take care of yourselves as well so you can keep taking care of Grandma and Grandkids. You are now part of the sandwich generation. I know I have a lot of "work" to do to prepare for the final chapter of my life. Blessings...<3

Great advice Carol.My husband and I are kinda elderly so we have already done a lot of these things. Face it--you just never know when your time is up. One thing I have done with my pictures is this. I made my grandsons a photo album and placed pictures of my husbands and my family, our children, and the grandchildren in there. I put names,how they were related,and any other info I could think of.That way, they have some idea of who is in our family. I have already given away all my "good stuff". I found out it is not that important to me and I don't miss it anyway. The rest of the stuff is "junk" so they can do whatever with it. (Except my fabric and sewing stuff. I plan on taking that with me. LOL

All such good advice. We are moving across the country next week so we have been downsizing and decluttering for months now. I told my children they were lucky, now they wouldn't have to do this. You are right. We should let go of some of this stuff. We don't really need it. I'm glad you are making it through this with your mother-in-law. I know how hard it is. Good luck to you.

All good points Carol, you are making me think about what is important to hang on to. We just did this with my Grandma a couple years ago but it is so easy when it's your things to just let it go until "later" just so easy to tuck it away "in case" for later...

Have already been through this with two sets of parents. Sooo many photos thrown away because no one knew who was in them. I keep telling my daughters what is important/valuable but i guess I should write it all down. I have done pretty good about decluttering but have a ways to go. My DH, whole other story....he's a "collector" of scrap metal (he welds) and I am afraid the girls will be mad, very mad at him if he dies. I don't want that to happen but not making much headway. SighHang in there Carol. All the best to you and your family.

My sister is still dealing with our mother's stuff when she died in October. It is a long and hard job, plus mom was a bit of a hoarder which didn't help. Sis got the job because she lives in the state mom lived in. My sister said after dealing with all the stuff, it made her want to go home and clean and purge stuff. She found out after she nearly got the house cleaned out that there is a service that will do it all for you. They set aside any important papers and things, but the rest they have an estate sale, so you don't have to do it all yourself. Something to look into if you need or want to when the time comes. Thanks for this post Carol.

Carol, this is good advice and oh my, I have been living this out the past 4 years, or is it 5 years?I have learned a lot. I do not want to leave my kids with a huge pile of stuff, and you are right about what is valuable and what is not. Hubbs and I did all the work for mom and dad, and sold their house in Maryland (ugh) and oh my. I am so happy that things are getting settled. It is a very hard transition for them. I know I tried so hard to take the burden away from them, but oh my.Happy Friday

My mother taught me how to give away items and downsize to nothing. She was diagnosed with ALS. From that moment, she started giving away all her treasured items. By the time she died- a mere 9 months later- she had very few items left. My father did not have to wonder who got what, because it was already given to the person she wanted it to go too. She took care of business right a way. I miss her. It was sad to watch her do the process. I wish I did not have a lot of her glass stuff. Looking at it is a constant reminder of her, and how, and why I have it. But I do know she did not want to leave her things as a burden for people to deal with. We all accumulate too much stuff anyway. But, I think I want to give my stuff away while I am well. Then it will have good memories attached to it for my family.

You are giving me a lot to think about! We have downsized my Mom when she moved in with us but still so much stuff! That maybe I should think of these things for us too! Thank you and sending prayers your family has been through a lot! Hugs my old friend!

My mom never kept an extra scrap of fabric, while I have to keep every tiny piece! My sisters are the same way...I don't understand how we turned out to be 'hoarders' while she always kept her stuff to a minimum. So when she passed away in 2015 it was a breeze to go through her stuff. No fighting over stuff, and we all got precious mementos from her. I'm going to have to figure out how to make it easy for my kids, too...

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