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How to avoid this pitfal in a marriage?

Posted by Anonymous

76 Replies

My SO and I are discussing kids and such and he said with his last marriage 90% of their conversation was about the kids. She came into the marriage with children and he adopted them so they never had a time when it was just them.

He doesn't want that to happen to us when we have our children so do you have any advice on what we can do so that it doesn't happen to us?

Thank you everyone that gave advice, we are going to talk more tonight when he gets home about making date nights a priority once we have kids and I'm going to mention making sure we still keep up with current events and such.

I want to make it clear, he in NO way blames his children for the break up of his marriage. He and I have spoken about what went wrong with his previous marriage and he knows he's just as much at fault as she was.

Don't have kids.
99% of my time goes to my son. Hes 16mo. I'm a sahm and there isn't much else that goes on in my day.

But he is still a baby, and needs your care for his basic needs. When he gets old enough to dress, feed, change himself that will change.

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
on Apr. 21, 2013 at 10:08 AM

That's sad.

I want positive ideas, I want my marriage to last. I don't want to be one of those couples that have been married 20+ years and divorce because we realize after the kids are gone we have nothing in common anymore.

Quoting Anonymous:

Don't have kids.

99% of my time goes to my son. Hes 16mo. I'm a sahm and there isn't much else that goes on in my day.

OP, make time for you and your DH alone. Go do fun things together and find common interests so that you have other things besides kids to talk about. You have to make sure you put plenty of time and effort into your relationship with DH, because the kids are going to grow up and start their own lives eventually, and you two will need to have your relationship built on a strong foundation before that happens.

Make time as a couple your top priority. Take care of your child's immediate needs but don't be afraid to take time for your husband as well. Dh and I have 4 kids, ages 8, 6, 4 and 18 months and we still make time to be nate and shawna and avoid discussing the kids at those times. It may be as simple as going for a walk alone, putting kids to bed early and watching a movie, sneak away for a weekend, date nights, etc. To many couples make their children #1 all the time and their spouse gets left out. Your spouse will be their after the kids move out so keep the love alive. We're going on 15 years together and more in love than ever.

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