Quit Making Cancer Look Like So Much Fun!

Yesterday was another big day for me in my cancer adventures. I shaved my head. After months of fretting, trepidation and crazy ass speculation of what I would look like bald, I finally did it. It wasn’t easy. I was scared shitless as I slipped into my “Fuck Cancer” shirt, jumped into my car and drove to the Newport Beach Hair Loss Center.

Nazy, the owner, is a breast cancer survivor. A Glass of wine was waiting for me as she took me into a comfy but elegant back room to shave my head and cut and style my new special customized wig.

I like to think that I am not vain, but being bald was never one of my first choices for a hairstyle. I have to say however, I really love my hair, or lack thereof. Who would have known? I actually have a nice head. Move over Sinead and Demi!

Not only do I love my bald head, it makes me feel strong and empowered. I watched too many movies in the past that showed people sick with cancer, bald heads, and hanging over a toilet. I honestly have had a difficult time getting that horrible vision out of my head. Not anymore. First, those were the old days when chemo treatments were brutal and Paleolithic. Second, that is not me. Remember, “The thing you push against is the thing that lifts you up.”

And, as usual, much of my strength comes from all of you. My friends came to my aid, yet again. I sent a picture of my bad ass haircut via text to many of you and here are some of the incredible responses I received from you guys:

“You are so FUCKING AWESOME!!! I have never loved you more than I do at this Moment. You are beyond beautiful”….. Jules

“You look darn good girl!!! Your head is perfect for that. Now, mine on the other hand”…..Orit

“What a hottie!”…..Sara

“Wiiiiiiiild —- Woohoo!”…..Cyndi

“U look hardcore”…..Riley

“After all of this I think you are going to be fearless!”…..Raundi

Yes, thanks to all of you I do feel like I am a fucking awesome, gorgeous, hot, hardcore, brave beautiful goddess with my chin held high and a smile beautiful and bright. And, Raundi, you are so right, fearless seems reachable, most notably, fearless of the unknown.

I have learned two incredible lessons this week. First, I must have faith. As Patrick Overtone, poet and playwrite says, “When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: there will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.” Thank you Patrick. You are right on! The anxiety and fear of the unknown can be debilitating but as I get further and deeper into my battle with cancer, I feel the ground beneath my feet and the sky above ready for me to take flight.

Second, make the unknown known. You can guess, speculate, presume, hypothesize, fantasize and imagine till kingdom come, but nothing is more empowering, commanding real and fun than actually doing it. If you are afraid to do something, it’s even more reason to do it! As Ogden Nash says, “No, you never get any fun out of the things you haven’t done.”

Raundi came by last night to pick up her son, Harrison, and her dishes, after dropping off the most amazing lasagna dinner for our family. As we chatted and laughed about my adventures today, showing off my bald head and stunning wig, she said to me, “Deanne, quit making cancer look like so much fun!” Thank you girl, it is comments like that and friends like you that help me make it fun.

12 Responses to “Quit Making Cancer Look Like So Much Fun!”

You had a glow about you last night that I just couldn’t explain. I left your house on a tremendous high and thinking that I had never seen you more lovely, vibrant and strong. Harrison completely agreed with me. I love you!

Deanne. I finally got to look at your blog. You are gorgeous, a perfect head to be bald!! Remember the saying “Bald is Beautiful” and you are! Good Luck this week. With your great attitude I think you will pretty well sail through this cancer!! Love you.