Elul: The Secret to Change

When you don’t know where to begin, start here.

I’m standing at the edge of the boat with a heavy air tank on my back. The ocean glitters in the late afternoon sun like a mirror of fire. I thought I was ready, but now I’m not so sure. I learned how to breathe, how to communicate with my hands, how to stay calm as I descend to the ocean floor, but now all I can think about is how heavy the tank is and how helpless I will be underneath its weight.

The instructor yells to me, his voice muffled by the wind. “Ok, now fall backwards into the water.” I hesitate. How far down will I sink? The unfamiliar depths are invisible as I stare for one more moment at the choppy surface that is crashing into the boat and spraying my feet with ice cold water. But I don’t want to hold up the group. I don’t want to be the only one who can’t just turn around and let go. So I do it.

I fall backward off the edge of the boat, and I drop further and further toward the bottom of the ocean. I remember how to breathe. I watch the other divers drop and swim around me like graceful shadows. I see clusters of coral reefs with thousands of multi-colored fish racing through them. I watch a huge sea turtle slowly wading through the water. And above me, I see the other-worldly glow of light that dances upon the surface of the ocean. It seems so far away now, that world above us. Here, at the bottom of the ocean, it’s so quiet I can hear the beating of my own heart. I can’t believe that just yesterday, I didn’t even know life went this deep. I can’t believe that I almost refused to let go, to fall backward, to trust that I would remember how to breathe.

When the Hebrew month of Elul arrives, I feel like I did at that moment, standing on the edge of the scuba diving boat. Because God is coming closer to us every day of this month. He is beckoning us to look below the surface and fall backwards into His arms. I am to my Beloved and my Beloved is to me. He wants us to let go and trust Him. To use the power of His love for us to grow and change. But where do we begin?

I used to think that change began with strengthening willpower. But willpower can sometimes ebb and flow depending on how tired, how hungry, how lonely we feel. So maybe change begins with changing one small habit? I’ve done that, and it’s true that in one month, most of us can successfully change one small habit. But Elul can be so much more than that. God is giving us a chance to see a whole new world this month. A magical, warm, beautiful place that has all year been just below the surface of our everyday lives. He wants us to feel how much He loves us. He wants us to notice the miracle of every breath we take. He wants us to notice the beauty of the afternoon light when it dances upon the surface. He wants us to hear the beating of our own hearts.

So how do we get below the surface? Rav Noah Weinberg ztz”l used to ask a simple yet fascinating question: If you put an envelope full of a million dollars in a homeless person’s cart, but he doesn’t realize that it’s there: Is he rich or poor? If you have thousands of gifts in your life that you are too distracted or depressed to see, do you really have those gifts at all? Technically, the homeless person with the million dollar envelope is rich. And you do still have thousands of gifts in your life even if you don’t notice them. But if you don’t look inside the envelope, you can’t use what you have. And this may be where we can begin. It is perhaps the greatest secret to change: gratitude.

Because when we are grateful, we feel connected. This is the month of building connections. To God. To each other. To life. And when we are grateful, we know what we have. And we notice all the gifts in our lives, we can use them to grow. So this is the month to say thank You. For the first breath that you take when you awaken each day. For your legs. Your arms. Your eyes. Your ears. Your life. For the light of the rising sun and for the hundreds of acts of kindness that He performs for us without us even knowing about them. The car accident that didn’t happen because you were five minutes late. The life threatening disease that turned out to be benign. The lego piece that your toddler didn’t choke on. The horrific decree that was distilled instead into a series of minor inconveniences and traffic jams. Thank You for all the goodness and the compassion that You weave into my life.

Thank You for the oceans and the mountains. The trees and the grass and the color of the twilight- drenched summer sky. Thank You for the friends, the family, and the kind stranger who picked up the dropped keys. Thank You for hope and potential and new beginnings. Thank You for this month of closeness and light. For teaching us how to fall backwards into Your Arms, to let go of our fears, to breathe in the darkness.

I can’t believe that yesterday I didn’t even know this world existed. I didn’t even see what was inside the envelope. I didn’t even know how much You love me. Now I know. And that changes everything.

Featured at Aish.com:

About the Author

Sara Debbie Gutfreund received her BA in English from the University of Pennsylvania and her MA in Family Therapy from the University of North Texas. She has taught parenting classes and self-development seminars and provided adolescent counseling. She writes extensively for many online publications and in published anthologies of Jewish women's writing. She and her husband spent 14 wonderful years raising their five children in Israel, and now live in Blue Ridge Estates in Waterbury, Connecticut, where Sara Debbie enjoys skiing and running in her free time.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 20

(15)
Leah,
September 1, 2016 4:54 PM

That was beautiful. Thank you for sharing !!

(14)
Anonymous,
September 1, 2016 4:45 PM

Awesome ! Love it.Thanks

(13)
Charles Kreiger,
August 28, 2015 4:42 PM

Dear Sara,Thank you for the analogy re: looking up towards the light when I'm underwater. I had done just that as a child when swimming atthe seashore; and I can remember the feeling that you describe so well. For those of us who have lost the attitude of looking up, Elul is again a good time to begin looking up toward toward the light of our lives. Love, Charles.

(12)
Anonymous,
August 19, 2015 11:58 AM

Great article! Thanks for posting!

(11)
Rochel Leah,
August 17, 2015 7:09 PM

Wow!!

This is incredibly beautiful. I love the language you have used and the analogies to underwater/under the surface. Thank you so much!!

(10)
Ali,
August 17, 2015 2:39 AM

great focus for Elul

Well-written and thought provoking. Thanks!

(9)
Anonymous,
August 16, 2015 5:44 PM

So insightful...thank you

Many thanks for reminding me how fortunate I am

(8)
Anonymous,
August 11, 2015 1:10 AM

Very powerful and inspiring.

A goal to work towards

(7)
Anonymous,
September 9, 2014 3:35 PM

Wow!! So beautifully written...Thanks for your inspiring words....

(6)
Miriam,
August 29, 2014 11:47 AM

Awesome

as usual!

(5)
Anonymous,
August 29, 2014 11:03 AM

In practice...

But in practice , like when you've free time , what can you do to acquire gratitude ? How can you use your ´unused´ time to make efforts on that point ?

Jen,
September 4, 2014 2:14 AM

Gratitude Practices

There are hundreds of studies in the field of gratitude and many wonderful sites that give tips for practicing gratitude. For example, keeping a gratitude journal is one of the most effective ways to increase one's happiness and positivity and of course, gratitude. It's quick, easy, and free. Check out: http://gratitudeparade.com for more info. The World's Very First Gratitude Parade is on September 21st during this month of gratitude.

Anonymous,
February 7, 2015 9:18 AM

Send a card with kind words and a compliment, or make something for someone who helped you to show gratitude . Tell them you think of them often ...

(4)
adina,
August 28, 2014 9:22 AM

this article is amaizing! its so true, and PERFECTLY WRITTEN!

EXCELLENT! ABSOLUTLY AMAZING! B"H!

(3)
Anonymous,
August 27, 2014 4:26 AM

Excellent!

This is excellent! Thank you so much for posting this!

(2)
Dan,
August 26, 2014 2:47 PM

Thanking Hashem

Last December, the roof over our local Jewish day school collapsed. Baruch Hashem, it happened at night, so nobody was killed. If it had occurred just 8 hours later, my 5 year-old daughter would have ended up under the rubble. This article has inspired me to thank Hashem for this wonderful miracle. So thank you, Ms. Gutfreund, for reminding me.

(1)
Heidi T.,
August 26, 2014 2:21 PM

This is nice, but . . .

I really liked this. That said, what about people who are suffering, whose tests results *weren't* benign, who *didn't* avoid that accident? It bothers me a lot when I read things like this, especially when the inteference is that God *saved* someone from such things. Why would God *save* some and not others? Ths is not a rhetorical questions, I'd really like to know what people think. I'm all for feeling more grateful for the blessings in my life, but I dislike it when it's suggested that we feel grateful for thngs that God supposedly saves us from, because, to me, it seems to separate people into groups - those God saved from tragedies, and those God didn't.

Shifrah,
August 27, 2014 1:45 PM

My feelings exactly, Heidi.

Carol,
August 29, 2014 3:19 PM

Can we really identify a "Tragedy"?

I used to think like that until a tragedy happened me - my daughter-in-law was killed in an accident. Yes, it was terrible, my son was devastated, she left 3 small children and the pain was unbearable at times. We asked so many questions including why G-d could not have saved her. But after a while we began to appreciate things that happened as a result of that terrible day that would not have happened otherwise. My son remarried another wonderful woman and our relationship with another wonderful family was initiated that probably would not have happened "naturally". The amount of kindness that we are now able to do with our new understanding of so many trying situations is a real source of spiritual satisfaction for us. So our daughter-in-law's death was terrible for us, but also brought us into many positive situations. So was it "tragic"? While I wouldn't have asked for it, I try to be grateful for the aspects of it that yielded positive results. When Hashem "saves" someone from an accident, He understands that that is the "best" thing. When Hashem DOESN'T "save" someone from an accident, He understands that that is the "best" thing. There are no separate groups - only one group of people for who Hashem does the "best" for.

Orrin,
September 4, 2014 2:30 AM

Maybe It Works Like This

Gd gets the credit for the good stuff. We get the blame for the bad stuff.

I've been striving to get more into spirituality. But it seems that every time I make some progress, I find myself slipping right back to where I started. I'm getting discouraged and feel like a failure. Can you help?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Spiritual slumps are a natural part of spiritual growth. There is a cycle that people go through when at times they feel closer to God and at times more distant. In the words of the Kabbalists, it is "two steps forward and one step back." So although you feel you are slipping, know that this is a natural process. The main thing is to look at your overall progress (over months or years) and be able to see how far you've come!

This is actually God's ingenious way of motivating us further. The sages compare this to teaching a baby how to walk. When the parent is holding on, the baby shrieks with delight and is under the illusion that he knows how to walk. Yet suddenly, when the parent lets go, the child panics, wobbles and may even fall.

At such times when we feel spiritually "down," that is often because God is letting go, giving us the great gift of independence. In some ways, these are the times when we can actually grow the most. For if we can move ourselves just a little bit forward, we truly acquire a level of sanctity that is ours forever.

Here is a practical tool to help pull you out of the doldrums. The Sefer HaChinuch speaks about a great principle in spiritual growth: "The external awakens the internal." This means that although we may not experience immediate feelings of closeness to God, eventually, by continuing to conduct ourselves in such a manner, this physical behavior will have an impact on our spiritual selves and will help us succeed. (A similar idea is discussed by psychologists who say: "Smile and you will feel happy.")

That is the power of Torah commandments. Even if we may not feel like giving charity or praying at this particular moment, by having a "mitzvah" obligation to do so, we are in a framework to become inspired. At that point we can infuse that act of charity or prayer with all the meaning and lift it can provide. But if we'd wait until being inspired, we might be waiting a very long time.

May the Almighty bless you with the clarity to see your progress, and may you do so with joy.

In 1940, a boatload 1,600 Jewish immigrants fleeing Hitler's ovens was denied entry into the port of Haifa; the British deported them to the island of Mauritius. At the time, the British had acceded to Arab demands and restricted Jewish immigration into Palestine. The urgent plight of European Jewry generated an "illegal" immigration movement, but the British were vigilant in denying entry. Some ships, such as the Struma, sunk and their hundreds of passengers killed.

If you seize too much, you are left with nothing. If you take less, you may retain it (Rosh Hashanah 4b).

Sometimes our appetites are insatiable; more accurately, we act as though they were insatiable. The Midrash states that a person may never be satisfied. "If he has one hundred, he wants two hundred. If he gets two hundred, he wants four hundred" (Koheles Rabbah 1:34). How often have we seen people whose insatiable desire for material wealth resulted in their losing everything, much like the gambler whose constant urge to win results in total loss.

People's bodies are finite, and their actual needs are limited. The endless pursuit for more wealth than they can use is nothing more than an elusive belief that they can live forever (Psalms 49:10).

The one part of us which is indeed infinite is our neshamah (soul), which, being of Divine origin, can crave and achieve infinity and eternity, and such craving is characteristic of spiritual growth.

How strange that we tend to give the body much more than it can possibly handle, and the neshamah so much less than it needs!