I think you need to treat her with more compassion. She is obviously struggling, upset, and probably was triggered by something that affected her deeply and you seem to be pissed off and thinking only of what you want and what you get out of the relationship. Your partner of all these years deserves to be heard and respected for whatever she is going through, doesn't she? There is no way to get through it without communicating, and getting all defensive and whiny about it isn't going to make things better for either of you.