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I guess in theory it was a great idea, but on the screen it was obvious that they merely hung Archer and Trip from the ceiling and covered them in a thick, sticky, milky-white fluid that looked exactly like ... shampoo. (That is the substance TheGodBen was referring to, right?)

I'd comment on this but my joke would be 11 years too late to be relevant.

__________________...so many different suns...

"No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away." - The immortal Terry Pratchett

I guess in theory it was a great idea, but on the screen it was obvious that they merely hung Archer and Trip from the ceiling and covered them in a thick, sticky, milky-white fluid that looked exactly like ... shampoo. (That is the substance TheGodBen was referring to, right?)

I'd comment on this but my joke would be 11 years too late to be relevant.

Nah, There's Something About Mary is a classic!

__________________Bashir: »Out of all the stories you told me, which ones were true and which ones weren't?«Garak: »My dear doctor, they're all true.«Bashir: »Even the lies?«Garak: »Especially the lies.«

Reed: "Hehehe... sucker."
T'Pol: "Humans and their illogical hairstyles."
Mayweather: "..."
Hoshi: "The captain said he borrowed some gel from Reed and Phlox. Looks strong. I wonder if I can get some too."
Trip: "Don't look at it... don't look at it..."
Phlox: "Hehehe... sucker."
Archer: "Why's everyone looking at me funny?"

Nah, just kidding. I think that's hilarious. But then again, my humor seems to be rather out-of-date. So take that for what it's worth. (Which doesn't seem to be much, I'm afraid. )

__________________Bashir: »Out of all the stories you told me, which ones were true and which ones weren't?«Garak: »My dear doctor, they're all true.«Bashir: »Even the lies?«Garak: »Especially the lies.«

Hello old chums, I bid you welcome to today's review, which is about a charming little episode called Fallen Hero, dontchano. I promised you a higher class of review after my previous vulgar musings, so today I have put on my top-hat and monocle and will not dare to mention the vile substances I brought to one's mind when discussing Vox Sola. It was most dreadful of me.

This episode begins with a scandalous scene where T'Pol asks Archer and Trip when was the last time they... fornicated. Most distasteful, I expected better from a lady of her esteem. She suggests that they visit Risa in order to... couple with some ladies of the lowest possible order. I must admit, my respect for captain Archer evaporated when he takes her advice, it's not the decent thing to do. Luckily, those of us in the audience are spared the shameless sight of scantilly clad individuals when Archer recieves a message from Starfleet and he has to collect a Vulcan diplomat, V'Lar, played by Fionnula Flanagan.

Hang on a second, she's from Dublin, and there's no way I'm acting classy for a Dubliner. Buch of wankers the lot of them. Semen! Masses and masses of semen!

Anyway... I didn't like the way that Fionnula Flanagan played V'Lar, some of her inflections didn't seem very Vulcan to me and as a result many of the scenes she was in fell short. The heart of this episode is the relationship between Archer and T'Pol which has clearly grown over the course of this season. I like that fact that T'Pol can now respect Archer's orders even when she doesn't agree with him, and he is willing to trust her instincts. This sort of character growth may have happened a little fast, but it also felt natural for the most part. The ending didn't work for me, it was far too neat and required the Mazarites to do exactly what Archer expected them to do. Someone really needed to spend an extra ten minutes thinking up a better ending for the episode.
Disappearing Aliens: 9

__________________...so many different suns...

"No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away." - The immortal Terry Pratchett

I quite liked Fallen Hero, and a lot of that had to do with V'Lar. So far I don't really like Enterprise's depiction of the Vulcans as scheming, joyless bastards and V'Lar (along with Season 2's Mestral) was a pleasant exception. She seemed like a believable person with an actual personality. And, even though I've still to warm to Archer and T'Pol, this episode was good for their relationship.

__________________
"I hate purity, I hate goodness! I don't want any virtue to exist anywhere. I want everyone to be corrupt to the bones." - Winston Smith

Fionnula Flanagan as V'Lar is my favorite one and done appearance in Enterprise and maybe in all of the ST TV series. She shows us that not all Vulcans are alike. A message that can be applied to all races. She is also willing to sacrifice herself and her reputation to help the planet. In a series where we are learning that some Vulcan's have a less than honorable agenda she restores our faith in the Vulcans.

Fallen Hero was an okay episode. I appreciate it for introducing one of the most likeable Vulcans in the series thus far. I do, however, think that there's something off about V'Lar. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I'd say the problem has more to do with the performance of Fionnula Flanagan than with what's actually in the script. I loved Flanagan in the Trek episodes she did before Enterprise, but almost everything she says and does as V'Lar seems odd. It's something about her delivery and gesticulation that tells me she tried a bit too hard.

I also would have liked the episode more if instead of focussing on the politics of a species we'll never see again, it would have featured a known race, like the Andorians, the Tellarites or even the Tandarans. To me that was another missed opportunity of building a more believable universe.

__________________Bashir: »Out of all the stories you told me, which ones were true and which ones weren't?«Garak: »My dear doctor, they're all true.«Bashir: »Even the lies?«Garak: »Especially the lies.«

I think part of the problem I have with V'Lar is that she's played as being a little posh, but there should be no such thing as a posh Vulcan. At least there shouldn't be in my mind, it would be odd for a race devoted to logic to have a class-based society.

Desert Crossing (***)

The first time I saw this episode it was too obvious that it was a not-so-disguised allusion to the Taliban, and that annoyed me because it was clear the show was trying to be relevant by playing catch-up with recent events. However, 8 years on from the fall of the Taliban it doesn't bother me so much anymore, I'm free to judge the story as a story now that the "War on Terror!!" has become an embarrassing remnant from history.

This is a story broken into two halves, both of which are good but the overall episode suffers from the poorly slapped together structure. The first half is interesting because it follows up on past episodes and Archer is confronted with the fact that his past actions are having unintended consequences across the galaxy; his actions in freeing the Suliban has spread rumours that he is a war hero and aliens begin to seek him out. In this case Archer is sought out by a "terrorist" Torothan, an alien race who would later win the contract to furnish the Intrepid class starships.

This is an excellent opportunity for a pre-PD examination episode, but almost as soon as Archer is confronted with his past the episode decides to switch gear and it becomes about Archer and Trip trying to survive in the desert. There's nothing wrong with this material, it helps to define the Archer/Trip relationship better than it had been up to this point, but it causes the episode to skip what I think could have been a much more interesting and important episode. I guess this is another case of a missed opportunity, unless you're the sort of person who enjoys seeing Trip run around shirtless and sweaty, in which case this episode is nirvana.

Nipples Ahoy!: 5
Archer Abuse: 12
Disappearing Aliens: 10

__________________...so many different suns...

"No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away." - The immortal Terry Pratchett

Desert Crossing is one of my least favorite episodes. The main plot of the episode was taken from Bay Watch, skin on the beach. If T'Pol and Hosi had gone to the planet I may have enjoyed it more. I guess this was an episode designed for female viewers. The scene with Trip suffering from the heat and needing to be saved by Archer seemed very forced. We've seen Trip in worse situations and he never came across as a fragile weakling like he did in this episode.

I don't know, it makes sense to be that under that tough exterior Trip is whiny and weak, like how under my whiny and weak exterior lays the strength of a... moderate house-cat.

Two Days and Two Nights (*½)

One of the good things about this episode is that it gave all the major characters something to do, but it is a little worrying that crewman Cutler seemed to have more screentime than Travis. I'll miss Cutler, she was cute. Anyway, because this episode had four distinct stories I'll split the review up and analyse each one.Archer and the Mysterious Stranger: Not a bad idea for an episode, and it is great to have some continuity to do with the Tandarans. At the time I thought that the Tandarans would make many more appearances, but I guess not. This plot goes rapidly downhill when Keyla loses all composure and starts screaming at Archer to give her information about the Suliban. For an undercover operative she has a lot to learn about not drawing attention to herself. She also had a dog, a terran species, which is odd enough without adding the fact that it is a flying dog which somehow made its way onto Archer's balcony, something that Archer just seemed to forget.Result: On a planet of nymphomaniacs Archer fails to get any, and he passed out at the sight of his own blood.Archer Abuse: 13Trip and Reed Look for Love, Lose Pants: Perhaps it is a little juvenile and silly, but I like the concept of this story, it seems like exactly the sort of thing which would happen if humans start exploring alien worlds. And it is refreshing to have two male characters in a Trek series go to a bar solely for the purpose of having sex, Voyager and even DS9 never would have had their many characters act this way. The problem is that in order to get some added comedy into the situation the alien muggers steal their clothes for no good reason, and the "embarrassing" scene of them walking through the bar in their underwear isn't so embarrassing considering what everyone else is wearing. Hell, even Picard showed off more than they did.
Ah, the 24th century, back when command officers wore red, operations officers wore gold, and men more less. Result: On a planet of nymphomaniacs Reed and Trip fail to get any, unless something happened while they were passed out.Nipples Ahoy!: 6

The Curious Case of the Whacky Dr Phlox and the Silent Ensign: This story tries too hard to be funny and instead ends up being awkward and embarrassing. It also serves to make Mayweather seem even more incapable than he already seemed. It did have Cutler though...Result: On a planet of nymphomaniacs Travis doesn't even bother to get any, Phlox might have gotten some after Cutler escorted him back to his bed.

Hoshi's Magical Tongue: Hoshi meets a very creepy man who looks like he is about to shout at her and possibly hit her at any moment, but for some reason she finds this extremely sexy and she breaks out the whip and jack-boots we all hope she owns.Result: Hoshi doesn't go seeking any, so she is naturally the only person to get some.

__________________...so many different suns...

"No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away." - The immortal Terry Pratchett

Two Days and Two Nights originally aired during summer in Australia (or at least, close to summer - I remember the night being very hot), so the episode combined with the weather just worked for me. A pleasant, carefree episode just before the season finale just in time for the start of summer holidays.

Desert Crossing was kind of boring. The start was decent, mainly because I found the terrorist guy entertainingly portrayed. He reminded me of some generic eastern bloc dude from a James Bond movie. But when the episode turned to the whole survival story I just got bored.

EDIT: I confess, that I found Phlox bumbling about to quite hilarious. "BRIDGE! SET COURSE FOR REGULUS! MAXIMUM WARP.", like the NX-01 is Phlox's personal chariot or some shit.