Mar 12, 2009

I know why I created this blog, and I will get back to the uniqueness of my grief in losing my spouse. I will. There are so many things that I am still working through, so many details, things I was told to expect, and some things that are quite unexpected. Lately there seems to be more to work through all at once. I feel bombarded with decisions and emotions and daily tasks of life.

I enjoy writing, but it's difficult to do so when your mind is so jumbled. I haven't forgotten my main purpose for Death of A Husband. ...just wanted to remind readers and myself of that fact.

Mar 8, 2009

If you're married or ever were married, this term, "the two of you" automatically comes to mean you and your spouse, right? God says when you are married you become "one," thus, the two of you is one, or one couple. At least that's what I've always thought. In fact, have you ever heard "the two of you" used any way else? Perhaps, but it would have to be directed face-to-face with those present, correct?

It sounds like I'm rambling, and probably am. It's just that someone called me the other day and said they were able to get a great deal for "the two of you." This person knew I was no longer a "couple." That's hard enough to handle. I still struggle with the thought that I'm no longer married, no longer a couple....so when someone is talking to me, just me, on the phone, and says, "the two of you" wouldn't you assume they are talking about you and your spouse??

Perhaps I'm making a big deal out of nothing. But the fact remains, that it still hurts. It still hurts to say out loud that you are no longer married. No longer a couple. No longer one with someone you loved with all your heart. It just hurts.

The kids and I watched Fireproof the other night, and an overwhelming desire to wear my wedding rings came over me. I've been wearing a silver band on that finger, a "memorial teardrop ring" that says until we meet again. After watching that movie, I've been wearing my rings again. It feels good. Some would say this is not "right" because I'm not married anymore. I guess I'm not right. I love my wedding rings. For now, it feels good to wear them again. So they're staying put (at least for now).