After 6 years in med school, I finally legalized (with a degree) what I was put on this earth to do in the first place - that is to heal. Or so I thought.

It all began in my second year of med school with the first big year-end exam looming up. I started to lag...lag behind in studying, clinicals, etc. My friends were concerned, my mother was concerned, and I wasn't. I had a boyfriend who I was madly in love with and I set aside everything else to make him happy - including late night drives and cutting lectures to be with him. I was 18. I was stupid.

The long string of failures started then. I had to take a few subjects again. I managed to get through med school, despite losing a loved one to cancer, being the victim of a car crash, and an abusive boyfriend. After I finally got my degree, I thought the "Failure Me" was a thing of the past.

Then, I started my residency in Sri Lanka (my native country) and I was doing very very well. I felt at home and my attendings were extremely pleased with me. I met an amazing man here in the US and we are still together and very much in love. I then decided I would do the USMLE (medical licensing exam here in the US) to try and start a residency in Pediatrics. I wanted to be closer to my man since it was tough pursuing a long distance relationship although we had been at it for two years. I had my sights set on Miami Children's Hospital.

I failed in two of the steps by a very small margin. I actually got the results of one of them today.

I am shocked, heart-broken, discouraged, confused, alone...and most of all, I feel forsaken by the Lord. I do not know how I'm going to go on. I don't know anymore if this is the field I should be in. I've tried my hardest and I don't deserve this.

Lord help me...all I want is to lay my head down on this pillow and fall asleep and never wake up. I'm tired of everything.

You aren't a failure. You studied under one system of medicine in Sri Lanka, and then came to the US and took your licensing exam under an entirely different system that expected you to automatically decide things as if all of your studies had been in this country. It doesn't mean that you failed, just that you weren't thinking inside their own little box.

Someday being able to work and think out of the box will save someone's life. In the meantime, can you appeal the results or take the test over? Is there a student advisor you can talk to about this? Miami Children's Hospital is a major hospital, so it usually has more applicants than it has available jobs.

I'm not sure why our system has to be so brutal on students when they are interns or residents--having someone who is obviously suffering from severe sleep deprivation in charge of your case. If you didn't pass the physician's exam--not that it's my business--but you could go after a physcian's assistant license and be able to get a job and be readsy for this test the next time.

You were brave enough to come to a strange country. Give yourself cudos for bravery, dear. I'll be praying that things become better for you.

"You are letting your opinion be colored by facts again."'When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you."these are both from my father.

Yes I can do the exam again and I will try till I get this. I got through the Clinical Skills test last year and I just need to get through the theory. Miami Children's is still my aim. That, or Jackson Memorial. I'm even learning Spanish just to improve my chances. They say it's always good to have contacts with the hospital, and keep up to date with the requirements.

I haven't had the best in luck over the last couple of years when it comes to tests. I'm taking a test in a week's time.

Thank you so much again for praying for me and thank you for the advice...