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More Strange Creatures From The Lawsuit Lagoon

Time for another exciting edition of Strange Suits, sure to boost your regard for the
United States legal system.

Inside Counsel Magazine sent me descriptions of four unusual lawsuits for their monthly humor feature. I did a sketch for each, they picked the one they liked best.

The winner involved a college student named Louis Helmburg III who took a tumble at a fraternity party. Seems a drunken friend of his decided to try, um… a science experiment: shooting a bottle rocket out of his rear end.

According to the lawsuit, the blast startled Louis, causing him to fall off the deck of the fraternity house. He claims he was injured in the fall. He sued the fraternity, the property owner, his friend the rocket scientist, and the university. The latter was dismissed as a defendant on a technicality. The case is pending.

I tried to imagine a certain someone conducting this same rocket experiment in court.

One of the other suits involved a chef named Alfred Lolange. He sued his former employer, a New York City diner, for lost wages.

According to the lawsuit, the diner withheld $500 from Lolange’s first paycheck. The owner told him the money was being withheld for taxes. Lolange tried to verify this by asking to see his W-2 form, which employers are required to file with the federal government, showing tax withheld.

Instead of producing the W-2, the suit alleges the owner showed him a photo of a hand with the fingers chopped off. The owner told him: “This is what happens to people with a big mouth.”

I feel a little guilty about this cartoon. There’s nothing funny about fear and intimidation in real life. I prefer jokes where you can laugh without reservation.

Louann Giambattista is a flight attendant for American Airlines. Co-workers have accused her of smuggling pet rats onto flights.

Giambattista has sued the airline for discrimination, saying the accusations caused her to have a “perceived mental disability,” which resulted in a “hostile work environment.”

Her attorney says she did have a pet rat at one time, but denies she ever brought one to work. No rats have ever been found on any of Giambattista’s flights. She still works for the airline.

Tara Costa placed second on the television reality show The Biggest Loser back in 2009.

As a result, a company which owns a kickboxing chain hired her to be a spokesperson.
The company has sued her for allegedly gaining weight, thereby violating the fitness clause in their agreement. They claim they could not use her for personal appearances.

Costa’s lawyer says she has remained physically fit, and plans to countersue for breach
of contract. He claims that despite the alleged weight gain, the company continued to use Costa’s name and image on their website, and that they failed to compensate her for said use.

I thought of those old “your weight and fortune for a penny” scales, and came up with a new model.

And here’s the rough sketch for the bottle rocket case.

Questions for you:

Have you ever used any part of your body to launch a bottle rocket?

Have you ever smuggled a pet rat onto a plane or into a cheese shop?

Hope you’ll leave a comment.

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#4: I decided to do a web search on this one. Here’s a partial quote from the company’s chief exec, justifying the lawsuit: “…after she gained, in my opinion, about 45 pounds…” (emphasis mine)
The source is the Long Island Newsday. While I don’t know if the source can be considered objective, the quote (in full) is cited repeatedly in other articles, such as the Today one you linked. So… where’s his proof? Taking the quote at face value, I think he has none.

Costa claims the time in question was when she completed the Ironman at Kona. The Ironman website confirms this, and adds that she completed the Lake Placid competition as well. Even if she did gain a little weight temporarily… so what? If Ironman says she’s a triathlete, then she’s committed, and the marketing company is in the wrong.

Thanks, Jak. Yes, that weight/fitness dispute is interesting. I think most doctors would agree that a person can be a little overweight (statistically, based on gender and height), and still be very fit if they have a regular exercise regimen. In this case, I suppose a lot depends on the specific nature of the fitness clause in their agreement– whether she was supposed to keep her actual weight within a certain range.

I guess we’ll have to wait and see what happens when Ms. Costa steps on the, er, scales of justice… : )

Is there no limit to your ingenuity? It always takes me some time to get a grip and start writing to you! I have to get me a larger wardrobe of hats it seems!!! Of course I am sure that all courtrooms shall get the ‘weight2verdict’ scales… Masterful, my friend. 🙂

My dear, dear Marina! Must you always send me into an absolute swoon with your lovely comments?? I’ll be light-headed for hours, and people say I have enough air in my skull as it is!!

I’ll be happy to buy you some new “tipping hats.” How about a Crocodile Dundee model? Only instead of crocodile teeth, I’ll get one with artist’s paint brushes in the band, so you’ll be ready to create a new masterpiece at the, er, drop of a hat… : )

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen one of those your-weight-and-fortune-for-a-penny scales. Cartoonists used to do a lot of gags about them. The older I get, the more things disappear. Like my sanity, for example… : P

Ha! Yes, frat boys seem to be innately curious. Always asking “What if?” Always ready to step boldly into the unknown. Sometimes they even live to tell about it– in court. Of course, very few of them are prepared to follow in our footsteps, my dear Judy. When it comes to bravado, recklessness, and lunacy, they know you and I stand alone. Well, together, but alone… : )

Hmm… I’ve heard of that experiment being performed, Jen, but I’ve always been careful to excuse myself from any demonstration. I applaud scientific research, of course, but I worry that if I actually witnessed that particular gas experiment, it might be on the test… : P

Always a pleasure, many thanks for donning a lab coat and checking in!!

My dear Tutti! Is it really you?? I never know when you are going to show up and make my world a brighter place!! : )

You dig the ratty, eh? In that case, I’m going to recommend a story called The Pied Piper of Hamelin. All about rats who developed an unhealthy taste for music. You’ve probably never heard of it. It’s a German folk tale, I believe… : )

Europeans think all Americans are crazy?? Well, they’re right, of course. Here’s the odd thing, though: sometimes an American will go to trial and plead insanity. Weird, huh? I mean, so what?– join the club!! : )