Another excruciatingly long summer is over. Actual hockey games are on the horizon. Because this is the 265th most widely read hockey blog on the internets, MYFO felt a deep obligation to our dozens of readers to prepare this series of previews telling you about every single team in the NHL. By “prepare” we mean, we found other people to write many of them for us. We were looking for people who (unlike us) might have an actual clue about these teams, but were also eager/willing/dumb/not self-respecting enough to work for free. Within those constraints, we think we did an admirable job.

Your preview of the Calgary Flames is brought to you by Leanne from Open Ice Hits. Enjoy.

The NHL Draft isn’t like the ones held by the NBA or the NFL. Work up whatever fervor you like; 98.9 percent of the the teens and foreigners awkwardly pronounced behind a podium won’t be making an impact on your favorite team this season. But hey, some people like to celebrate this sort of stuff, and many NHL teams want to help. So join MYFO in our rundown of all the league’s DRAFT PARTIES. Just don’t blame us when the prick in the back makes the jukebox blare Journey right when your team is about to pick.

Not every team in the playoffs gets to hoist the Stanley Cup. Try as they may, 29 teams will end their hockey-related obligations without lifting the Holy Grail of Hockey. We here at MYFO encourage you to erase their substandard play from your collective memory, and join us in wishing them good luck on the golf course.

Next up, Raskolnikov with the Calgary Flames, who lost 4 games to 3 to the San Jose Sharks. Golfers use bulls to drive from hole to hole.No one ever plays the course in the correct order.Continue reading →

Seriously, San Jose? Three goals in the first three and a half minutes. Three goals on a world classexceptionalokay professional goalie. And you shit the bed that much? You get beat by goddamn CuJo? No one in the whole damned world knew that CuJo was their backup. I checked. Even Flames fans were clueless. You better shape the fuck up, assholes.

My fellow MYFO comrades will provide great subjective and/or objective analysis of the other six playoff series.That’s not my modus operandi.Instead, I’ll provide three things that I want to take place in each series.

According to this article, the Calgary Police Commission determines its annual operating budget three years in advance. I suppose it makes sense to engage in such long-term planning, as trends in crime prevention are fairly predictable. It’s not like they’re going to get to 2011 and find out that Canada has passed a law to replace all firearms with swords. The status quo is just fine.

Since they plan their budgets three years in advance, one line item – “Playoff Hockey Crowd Control” – must be planned based on the Commission’s belief in how good their beloved Flames will be 36 months from now. After all, no one saw the Stanley Cup run that happened in 2004, and because of it, the city almost ran out of cash. Now, as the Flames are grasping for a playoff spot, the Commission is admitting that they didn’t exactly bet the farm on these Future Flames, either.

If the Flames repeat the magical run of 2004, when they lost in game 7 to Tampa Bay in the Stanley Cup final, city police would end up blowing their entire budget for 2008. That means the department would be short some $2 million dollars. Alderman Gord Lowe says when your planning budgets three years in advance it’s difficult to factor those kinds of things in.