Google can no longer remember Belgium

In a hasty attempt to delete unwanted search results, Google appears to have inadvertently misplaced Western Europe’s most invaded federal monarchy. All links to Lol-Smufz, Waffle-porn or the ‘Oscar winning performances of Jean-Claude Van Damme’ will simply lead the browser to an image a faceless figure ironically entitled ‘This is not Rene Magritte’. Quite how the European Union will now function without its capital is unknown, but what is clear is that sprouts will need re-branding.

Over the next few days Internet experts hope to gauge the extent of the data loss by cross-referencing ‘disastrous colonial policies’ with coquettish photos of Audrey Hepburn. Since the European court ruled that an individual could demand ‘irrelevant and outdated’ information be removed from search engines, approximately 78% of the Internet has disappeared. The remaining 22% is thought to comprise solely of One Direction fan fiction, adverts for fake watches and a Youtube clip of a puppy covered in paint.

Google executives have literally been ‘drinking to forget’ ever since the change in law. One Google employee complained: ‘Forgetting is not as easy as you might think. Maybe if I was French and trying to remember the role Britain, the US and Russia played in winning WW2 – but no, I just can’t. Every time someone tells me to forget a specific thing, that’s the thing I keep thinking about. It’s like sex, racist jokes and Jennifer Lawrence falling on her arse’. Many have resorted to repressing memories, being hypnotised by Derren Brown and then being ‘thwacked around the head’ with a baseball bat.

EU Commissioner Viviane Reding admitted that some areas of life already had their own ‘right-to-be-forgotten’ in place; such as ‘Mothers’ Day’, ‘visiting the dentist’ or ‘accurate tax returns’. As for Belgium, all associative objects have now disappeared; which includes any images of Tintin being abused with a chocolate coated saxophone.