Markers and a Mugshot: The Kim Richards Story

I think about Kim Richards more than I think about anything else. I love Kim Richards and am very troubled by her recent mishaps. First she escaped to Witch Mountain, then she kicked a police officer (which is pretty baller), then she trespassed, then she started fucking turtles, then she got a nose job, then she found Christ in the form of a squirrel and now she is shoplifting. Not sure on that particular order but it has all been a shitshow of epic proportions. I have two words for you Kim; LIFETIME MOVIE.

In all seriousness I think Kim has a good soul so I do want her to get better. But like, there are kids starving and shit so I can’t waste too many heartstrings on her recovery. What I would like to focus on is the details of her latest role (and first since she was 6) as the Real Shoplifter of Van Nuys. As reported, Kim stole $600 worth of shit at a Van Nuys Target. It’s one thing to steal a pack of gum by discretely shoving it in your tits, its quite different to steal $600 worth of goods at a TARGET. She had to be double-carting that shit… With any illegal activity, the highlight for me is always the mugshot.

That hat tho.

Here are some pics of Kimmy’s loot. Either she was trying to start an elementary school for turtles or she is regressing back to her childhood and buying all the things she never got to shop for being a childhood star and all.

The good news is that she wasn’t stealing any Franzia or cans of paint, the bad news is that she stole enough coloring books to stock up Jared Fogles white van to the brim. Get well Kim and remember I will ALWAYS love you.