The Victoria University Drinking Game v2.0

Just as MacGyver could build an intercontinental ballistic missile using only a cardboard tube, baking soda and his trusty Swiss Army Knife, some people can invent drinking games using only their surroundings. There is no need for an expensive board, a ludicrous hat or even a pair of dice. All that is really required is beer and an agreed set of rules.

Recently, I invented a drinking game called “Eggplant.” The rules were ridiculously simple – people threw slices of barbequed eggplant up the neighboring hill. The winner of each round did not have to drink – everyone else did. People utilized a wide variety of throwing styles to try to gain an advantage. My personal trademark technique of hurling the vegetable directly into the wall of the house some two meters away was hilarious but ineffective. I consoled myself with the fact that my game, while it may have appeared silly to some, probably saved lives. A person might have eaten the eggplant if it had been left lying around.

Of course, ”Eggplant” was not even the silliest drinking game at that particular party. It was immediately topped by “How Long Can You Keep Your Hand in a Bucket of Ice Water?” The answer, apparently, is around forty minutes. It was like watching a slow-motion live episode of Jackass.

One of the easiest drinking game genres is “drink when”. Feel free to add your own terms and conditions to the Victoria University Drinking Game 2008:

TEE TOTAL – Drink every time:
A bus arrives at the precise time indicated on the schedule The student president washes “that hat” Student protest reduces student debt

QUIET PINT – Drink every time:
The Salient games reviewer goes outside A lecturer struggles with technology Everyone in the tutorial has done the readings

NOISY PINT – Drink every time:
Technology trouble makes the lecturer use the f-word VUWSA asserts what all students think about a certain issue A first year philosophy student writes a letter to Salient to prove, once and for all, that God does not exist

CHUCK NORRIS – Drink every time: Salient news writers mention what free food they got at meetings The Electoral Finance Act is breached during a student march A Christian student writes a letter to Salient to prove, once and for all, that God does so exist

ANDRE THE GIANT – Drink every time:
You are directed to another university office to sort out a problem The Salient editor declares correspondence on the whole God issue closed MyVictoria or Blackboard doesn’t work. Drinking won’t help but it might make you feel better.

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