Friday, October 20, 2006

True Wife Confession 99 Luftballoons

Confession #981

If I have to go through another year of doing our taxes together, I just might divorce you. Get your shit in gear. You want the good things that come with being self-employed? Then you have to take the bad, which includes invoicing customers and keeping track of expenses and following the IRS regs. No, you cannot have another extension. Your excuses didn't work with your 3rd grade teacher; they won't work with the IRS.

Grow up and stop procrastinating. I know you don't work as much as you say; any dumbass knows how to look at the computer history. No way you are surfing 100 websites a day but too busy to pay a couple of bills now and then.

Oh, and I don't take you seriously when you have an angry outburst, when you do it for EVERYTHING. When you throw a fit because I forgot to put away a couple groceries and they sat on the counter for awhile, don't expect me to take any of your other fits seriously. And seriously, see a therapist. Because the last one didn't work and it's been awhile. And you're embarrassing me.

Confession #982

I spit in your beer when you are drinking and mean.

Confession #983

Sometimes I go out and you have no idea where I am. usually it is someplace innocent, and I am behaving myself, but not always.

Confession #984

why is it that you feel you have to blame me for things YOU should have taken care of YOURSELF???YOU should be the one calling the lawyer.YOU should be the one making sure everything is taken care of.YOU should be the one worrying about whether or not he's doing his job.

So don't call me telling me it's MY fault that the stupid lawyer didn't send in that money BECAUSE IT"S YOUR FUCKING CASE. I called him when you asked, and he told me it was taken care of. Was I supposed to call him a liar? Was I supposed to give him a lie-detector test? He's a fucking lawyer, he told me it was taken care of and I believed him.

I know that you have been looking at porn every day. We talked about it acouple months ago and I told you I had snooped and you said you did itbecause you were "bored". It stopped for a while, but now you are back atit full force. You are going to lose me if you don't get this in check. Itold you how it makes me feel. I feel less of a woman, like there'ssomething wrong with me. Our sex life is great so I don't know why you feelthe need to look at it all the time.

It would be one thing if the girls on the site were actually pretty but theyare DISGUSTING. How can you look at it for hours at a time. I know youwait until I go to bed to look at it, so you are sneaking around. Then youdon't come to bed until 1:00 a.m. and wake me up and start snoring and Ican't get any sleep.

I asked you about it again yesterday and you LIED and said you were notlooking at it again. I said, "Please just tell me the truth" and you stilllied. Well, I got on the computer last night and saw that you logged inyesterday when you should've been at work. I can't believe you flat outlied to my face. Oh, and I know you have been a member of this site for ayear and a half and I know you have to pay for it, but oh yeah - you lied tome about that one too. Do you think I'm stupid!? I know more aboutcomputers than you do.

Our marriage is a facade if you can bald-faced lie to me like that. NothingI know is true. I can't believe how easy it is for you to lie to me. Whatelse are you lying about?

All of this is giving me anxiety and insomnia. You ask why I have theinsomnia and I lie and say I don't know because I can't tell you that I havebeen snooping on you again because I promised I would never do it to youagain.

I have no idea who you are.

Confession #986

I am angry. I rarely get angry with you. I normally blow almost everything off. I feel bad since I imagine that your parents treated you pretty poorly growing up. Even now, I don't care for the way your Mom and Dad treat you. Your Dad seems to use you – he only contacts us when he needs to drag us out for a dog and pony show. Your Mom is so incredibly critical of you that it makes me angry. But, I am not being treated so meanly. I am criticized from the moment I walk in the door until I go to bed in the evenings. I'm tired of it. I'm well aware that I have quite a few faults. Believe it or not, I pretty much know what they are. You don't have to remind me every day. However, you do as well.

COnfession #987

Babe, I love you. You are the world to me.

I know you work hard. I respect the fact that you work hard. I work hard too (harder than you because not only do I work full-time, I go to school full-time, and I do the vast majority of the child-rearing). I know you respect the fact that I work hard.

However, when you leave me notes saying "We need XYZ" from the store? I want to hit you upside the head with a frying pan.

Your legs are broken now? You are physically unable to DRIVE to the market and purchase these items? Do you have any idea what my life is like between 4pm-Midnight? Seriously?

I love you. I love you so much. But buy the toilet paper your damn self.

Confession #988

I know that you actually like the cat, even when you pretend you don't.

Confession #989

I offer to mow the lawn so that I can get a bit more exercise. You run out while I am mowing to tell me that I am not getting the stripes in the grass the way you want them. YOUR WIFE IS MOWING THE LAWN! I take care of the kids without your help. I clean house, work full-time, keep the pantry stocked, etc… Don't criticize me when I am mowing the lawn. Jerk.

Confession #990

I just want to let you know how often you make me feel like my wants and needs are second. Okay, third, because our child's needs come before mine. But yours seem to come before his, even. You have no qualms about telling people you'll sub in for their sports teams at the last minute, not thinking for a second about if I had something I needed to get done that night, or if that's the only evening you would have had at home with our son for that whole week. You don't hesitate to tell people we'll be somewhere without seeing if I already had something planned. You often will just leave the house on a whim, hollering to me as you're headed to the door that you'll be back in a little bit, you're going to do some favor for someone else or you're running to work real quick to pick something up. Such things usually take hours. I don't expect you to completely wrap your schedule around me, but I'm tired of wrapping my schedule around you. I've been trying to get a library card for months. The library closes before I get home from work, leaving me with Saturday morning as my only option. There has not been one Saturday available for me just to make that quick errand, because you have us planned to the hilt. There's no question you're a fantastic friend, son, brother, cousin. You're even a fantastic husband. You're very generous with giving your time to people. But you're also generous with giving MY time to people, without my say so. I'm getting sick of it. Neither of us have much spare time, since both of us have full time jobs. But when it takes me two weeks of coordination just to get my nails done, or three weeks of planning just to meet a friend for lunch on a weekend, I can't help but resent you and your freedom to just run off to do something (child-free mostly) on a whim. I suppose I let you get away with it, but when I bring it up it brings on a colossal fight.

This same thing applies to how you spend money. It's no problem for you to spend $150 on a weekend with the guys, but you look at me funny if I order $30 worth of books off the Internet. We're tight right now, tighter than we've ever been. I worry about buying groceries every week. Your couple of bucks for beers at your band practice and your twenty bucks for your bowling league and your thirty bucks for weekend money is really hurting us. When I point this out, you fly off the handle and start talking about canceling our phone, and our cable and our everything else. If you would just be a little more reasonable with what's important to spend money on, it would still be tight, but not quite as tight as we are now, and all those cancellations wouldn't be necessary. I love you and will never leave, but you have to know you really take for granted that you can go do whatever you want and I'll always be at your beck and call to either go with you or to be available to keep our son so you can go without him. You really need to be a little more considerate. Family is important, sure, but taking care of the family under your roof is more important than taking care of the family across town who are constantly wanting your time for their errands, house projects, yard sales, and gatherings. I'm sure your sister and parents can get by without you more than you think they can.

27 comments:

985-you have to reallllly think about if you want to stick around. Speaking from experience here. Separated once, gave him another chance, tried my ass off to trust him, and he proved not to be worthy of trust. If he has a problem, and it sounds like he does, he has to do something about it, and if he doesn't...well do you want to stay with someone who makes you feel that way?

You said, "...because I promised I would never do it to youagain." You two are both lying to eachother. Sit down and both be honest. Tell him that you know he's lying and admit that you were as well. Find a way to deal with this, that is helpful to both sides. Maybe he can still look occasioanlly, as long as he's honest, or you guys can explore it together. boht of you lying and sneaking behind each other's bakcs isn't working, so try something else.

There's a difference between "just looking at porn" and lying and sneaking to do so. AND if a woman has an issue with it, such as she thinks it's deameaning to women or she thinks it's immoral, SHE has just as much right to feel that way as he does to look at it.

It irritates me SO MUCH (and I think I've posted here about it before) that it's now the "in" thing for women to be cool with porn. It's fine if some are, but some are not, AND THAT IS OK! They shouldn't feel bad for not liking it!

Besides, some guys DO have a problem with it. And the reason *I* personally have a problem with it, is because that's where it started with my stbx. I was down with it, cool with it, we watched it...but it soon got to be not enough, and he branched out to phone sex, cybersex, who knows what else, all of which did NOT involve me and I was NOT cool with. I know that MOST of the time it doesn't go this way, but sometimes it DOES.

So it's up to each individual woman what they're ok with, and they shouldn't have to apologize for it or feel bad if they don't like it. If it's not such a big deal, the guy will respect his woman's feelings on the subject and not look. If it's not something he "needs" to do, then what's the big deal?

I think women wanted to reclaim sexuality by being ok with porn, but it became this other thing; this thing where in order to be sexually free you HAD to be ok with it and like it even. I think 2:42 is spot on and that indiviual women have to decide what works their relationships.

I am poster 985. Honestly, I did not have a problem with it when he was looking at it occasionally. But now he is lying about it and taking every chance he gets to look at it. To the point of not spending time with me, coming home late from work or not doing chores around the house because he's so busy looking at it.

Porn is addictive and leads to other things. 1:08, I also think that you don't know what you are talking about and therefore maybe you should refrain from commenting when you are so NAIVE! Good for you for speaking out 985. You need to ignore 1:08, whom I am guessing is young and stupid.

Perhaps you should refrain from commenting at all 4:32. We can tell you are just as stupid. Perhaps 985's confession didn't need to be invalidated by a "all men do that"," it's not about you attitude".

#985, I so know what you're talking about. It's not the fact that he's looking at porn that bothers you nearly so much as the fact that he looks at it ALL THE TIME. And it's not the fact that he looks at porn all the time that bothers you nearly so much as the fact that he lied to you about it, to your face, more than once, and continues to do so.

When a man lies like that, it's insulting. It makes you feel like he thinks you're too dumb to figure it out. And, even more importantly, it makes you paranoid that he's lying about other things, too.

It's true that most men enjoy looking at porn. But when it becomes an obsession they are willing to lie repeatedly about, there's a problem.

(By the way, TWC readers, might I implore you to stop calling each other stupid over petty differences of opinion? It's childish and it's distracting from the real issues that come up here).

I think there is a very viable middle ground re: the porn issue. From what I can see, women are reacting most strongly not to their husbands looking at porn (I mean, news flash! Men like to look at titties!), but when the behavior becomes obsessive (the sneaking, lying, preferring porn over real contact with their wives, etc.).

Although there is no official definition of what constitutes a porn addiction in the DSM, I am guessing that the nuances are similar to those of other addictions. That said, wives of the porn addicts, is your husband's behavior reminiscent of an alcoholic's? If so, you can seek help in the same way partners of alcoholics can.

Just say no! Why should you not be able to get a library card, your nails done, etc, that is crazy. Why are his needs primary in your relationship? Over yours and your child's? He married you, that means he seperates, somewhat, from his old family. I think you are allowing him to treat you this way. Put your foot down and tell him he can no longer make ANY plans without consulting with you first.

That is what a committed partnership is. If he wants the freedom to do and go, without taking you and your child into consideration, he should be single.

When I felt unappreciated I met my dh at the door, suitcase in hand, on a Friday night when he got home from work. I breezed by him and said...the boys need baths and dinner, I'll see you on Sunday! And I was gone! I turned off my cell phone and left my info with my friend in case of emergency. I went across town, got a hotel room, and just did what I wanted, when I wanted, for the whole weekend. Slept, read, shopped, whatever.

He had changed his tune by the time I got back Sunday night. House was clean, boys bathed and in bed, and he no longer took me for granted.

You are LETTING him treat you like this. Put your foot down, make some rules, and stick with them.

Isn't being sneaky about porn part of the attraction? Women get all pissy that their men look at porn, but then those same women don't want to put out. Have any of you actually watched how these ladies in the pornos act? They're usually not the greatest looking gals, but they are inviting. They 'want' the men and they are enjoying themselves. They let men look at their bodies and don't hide in the dark. They talk dirty, are playful and adventurous. That is what is attractive about porn. Maybe if more women get adventruous and playful and just DO IT with their men instead of too tired and bitchy they would find the men into them then the computer. Besides, I agree, get over it, it's not like their down at the titty bar or renting a hooker. Geez.