All right! I am being told that our supply of Diamond Jukeboxes with green and yellow vinyl bundles has already sold out! Wow! That’s got to be a new HSN record!

What was the time frame on that, Murray? Amazing. Just under six minutes! The sun is still up and we’re already sold out of today’s first item! A big thank you to all of you early birds out there. You really got yourself a great deal.

Great for women or men, this stylish top is comprised of eight fist-sized blue diamonds arranged in a bib shape and then finished to a blinding sparkle. Great for protection against explosions or perilous falls. And I don’t know about all of you ladies tuning in today, but wouldn’t this just go great with a nice scarf and some pumps? And for you guys, just throw a blazer over it and you… will… look… fabulous!

All right! I’m being told our phones are already ringing off the hook, so if you can’t get through right away, keep trying! At only sixty four Ender Pearls, this item will not last long!

…What’s that, Murray? I see. Apparently, we are receiving a lot of calls from viewers with questions regarding the authenticity of this blouse. I can assure you, shoppers, all of the wonderful diamond products we’re showcasing today on HSN’s Sparkle Extravaganza are one hundred percent Tiffany’s certified blue diamonds.

As to how these diamonds were shaped into a single wearable piece, how well they breathe and hold up to machine washing, or from which war-torn country they were mined, HSN claims no knowledge or responsibility and refers all customer inquiries to Tiffany’s website.

Okay! Now that that’s out of the way, let’s bring out Tammy, our Sparkle Extravaganza model. Oh my, Tammy, don’t you look classy! Tammy is sporting the complete line of Tiffany’s Diamond Wear. She has on the Blouse as well as the Diamond Helmet, Slacks, and Boots (Oooh! Those are cute!) which are coming up next, and are, of course, only available on HSN.

Oh be careful, Tammy! That decorative lava pool is right behind y… oh dear… All right, I am being told that our producers have “rage-quit” and that today’s program has come to a grinding halt. We hope you’re enjoyed HSN’s Sparkle Extravaganza. Stay tuned for six hours of infomercials for Ron Popeil’s Set It and Forget It Furnace!