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BlogFestivus 2012 Day 8: Blitzen

Within three days of the posting of the edicts, all those who were rebellious, contrary and those who simply loved gum too much had been dealt with by the ESS. All but one.

Blitzen loved gum. He loved the taste and the texture. He even loved how he could form it into shapes like silly putty or stick it to things to annoy others. So it was that on the afternoon of the third day, Blitzen made a conscious choice and walked down main street chewing the biggest wad of gum he could fit in his mouth.

A passing ESS squad noticed and surrounded Blitzen.

“Spit it out,” said their leader.

“No,” replied Blitzen, who began to chew with his mouth open so it made an annoying smacking sound.

The ESS squad members looked at their leader, then at each other. Perhaps it was the fact that Blitzen was one of the Sleigh Team that caused the ESS to hesitate. Whatever, the instant of hesitation was enough. Blitzen lashed out at the squad, becoming a whirling dervish of sharp-hoofed destruction. Seconds later, the ESS elfs were lying in the street, each sporting bruises, contusions and even a broken bone or two.

Invigorated by the fight, Blitzen tore off a small piece of his gum and stuck it in the ESS leader’s hair. “You can take your gum rule and shove it up your ass,” Blitzen said.

With that he swaggered away, blowing bubbles.

—–

Moral: Don’t mess with a person’s freedom to chew gum.

Be sure to visit the other writers who are participating in this year’s BlogFestivus:

It’s one of the reasons my son does NOT get gum in the Christmas stocking. Drives me NUTS! His aunt/uncle always give him some and I guess you can see it on my face … they say, “it’s okay if he has gum, right?” And then I grit my teeth and say “yes, thank you!” o.O