Israeli-born actor-musician Mika Hochman lives in London. She was married to David Richter for six and a half years.

It all happened very quickly with David. After two months of dating we were married. It was very intense, very quick – but it felt very right. We ran away to Cyprus. No family, no big ceremony. It was a hugely romantic and very fun adventure. We hardly knew each other. I can't remember whose fault the wedding was. He always blamed me for proposing to him, and I blame him for proposing to me – I can't remember who initiated it. At the time I was on my way back to Israel because I had some work there. We didn't want anything to come between us.

Sex was amazing with David, very full on. We'd known each other as friends for about a year before it became sexual and I think that made it better. But it wasn't just the physical element. He was very sensitive. He really cared; I felt he was really there for me. I distinctly remember the first hug he gave me. He invited me for dinner – actually I invited myself for dinner – and he embraced me so strongly; I hadn't felt that before with anyone else. And at the time I really needed that safety.

My family thought I was insane to marry so quickly. Then my mother came round to the idea and the rest of the family followed. The fact he wasn't Jewish didn't matter. But cultural differences did come between us. I felt that quite strongly in London. Israelis and English are very different. In Israel your friends will come into your flat, open the fridge and whinge that there's not enough food. That's just the culture. David was quite tolerant towards that, but I wasn't sure his tolerance would last.

We did the dating thing after we did the wedding. Although we were married we didn't live with each other. I thought it was a bit too soon to move in together – we were still getting to know each other. I lived in North London and he lived in East London. Then after a year I moved in. That's when I realised it was not going to work.

I didn't like the way he lived. I hated the flat. And I didn't like the area. It came to a head when I witnessed a murder from his window. But he was so stubborn about it. Something that had initially attracted me to David had suddenly disappeared. I felt totally vulnerable, completely unsafe. After a while I felt that it was either me or the flat. I didn't feel like it was mine; I thought we needed a neutral place. It was a huge factor in the break-up.

We did try and save the marriage. We went for counselling for some time because for me it felt very significant – I still felt like I had to be with this person for life. I wanted to fix it. You go through different stages in a relationship; you can't just leave because the fun stops. But ultimately it's how much you're willing to take.

Our sex life had dissolved before the counselling and it never recovered. I think it was an incredibly insecure period for both of us. The sex was gone and we started to become suspicious of each other – I think that's a natural reaction. I felt really threatened. I thought he was being unfaithful; it was crushing, hugely destructive. I couldn't work out what was going on – my emotions changed with tremendous frequency.

We're like family nowadays. I'm like his little sister; there's something particular I still like to wind him up about – he doesn't like it at all, but for me it's pure entertainment. The fact that we were both actors didn't help. There was a battle of egos and I generally lost; he always managed to upstage me. Would I date an actor again? No way.

Actor David Richter is currently single and lives in Hackney, London.

Just after we married, Mika completely unilaterally bought two iguanas. One of them was too grumpy so she took it back. We were left with Inga – who ended up as Igor (you can't tell their sex for about a year). He became a substitute child, really, and was always a little point of conflict for us. He was actually quite a central part of our lives – he travelled with us; he's been on a plane three times. I would complain about running my life around an iguana. But she would insist he was an important part of her life and take the piss. Everyone loved Igor; she would wind me up saying that I felt threatened by him. She still does it now. She's very good at finding my soft spots and poking them. It's like brother and sister now in a lot of ways.

I first met Mika after a friend's show. It was quite extraordinary – as soon as I saw her, a big voice in my head said: "You have to go and talk to that woman." And I did. We made eye contact and it was very significant somehow. There was something very, very striking about her.

I didn't see her for about six months after that. I was celibate at the time. I'd had a very promiscuous life before then and I'd decided to take a year off. When I met her again I'd started a sex life but in an open relationship. We started dating a little while after that. But I was still seeing other people, and she was aware of that. Then Mika became much more important and it became monogamous; that was something we agreed.

It was strange. The marriage was almost something that happened to us, rather than something we decided. We did a runner to Cyprus. I think both of us were terrified of the idea of getting married. It was exciting but also quite daunting. The two months leading up to that point were utterly intense. The sex was tremendous. It was hugely passionate, romantic and dramatic.

She moved in with me a year after we married. I think that was really the beginning of the end. She wasn't happy living with me. I was aware of that, so we ended up with that kind of psychological cycle of rubbish that you start giving each other. It was frustrating. I had such a different perspective on the place.

The acting thing was always a difficult issue. If one of us was working and the other wasn't, it highlighted the other's disappointment. It then became difficult to be generous or supportive.

The cultural differences between us were palpable. The Israelis are full on. In England, people are obsessed with personal space and privacy; everything's in code. The great thing about Israel is that if you're welcome you're absolutely welcome. If you're not welcome you know it too; there's no grey area. Her family was amazing – I still ring her mum on her birthday.

As archetypes we were completely different. She was more of a punk; I was more of a hippy. I'm interested in collaboration and harmony whereas she would fight her ground very strongly. I found that very tiring. In the end we became disenchanted with it. We were very critical of each other and unforgiving. For my part, having been used to either celibacy or non-exclusive relationships, it was actually very difficult to be in a monogamous relationship.

After it ended I didn't want anything. I didn't have sex for two years after the break-up. It took me quite a long time to get a sense of freedom and change the nature of the loyalty.

I'm glad we both put energy into staying friends. I know we're far more compatible. If I'm entirely honest, there's something in the back of my mind that always had that opinion. I'm glad that we both put energy into staying friends. I still ring her mum on her birthday.