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Thursday, April 14, 2011

Silicon Valley Bachelor (SVB): How You Know When It's Time for a BLOW OFF

While I'm probably the last person to give good advice on how to make a relationship last, I have plenty of experience on ending them (or at least making the other party feel like they should end it). Maybe I'm a little quick to jump the gun, but here are some sure signs that you should probably end your relationship and start the New Year off right!

1. You Don't Compromise - And I'm not talking about showering when you don't want to, I'm talking about doing things that make her happy, like going to the ballet even though there's a perfectly good football game on TV. Remember that wonderful line in As Good As It Gets, where Jack Nicholson tells Helen Hunt that she makes him want to be a better person? You should always feel like you have to earn that love - too often we forget that. And if you don't feel that way - it's time to move on.

2. You Argue All the Time - If you spend at least 1 out of the 7 days of the week arguing about something, that is one day too much. I feel like the older I get, the less I've had to argue or want to argue. I like communicating and ... wait for it.... compromising! I truly feel some people spend too much time with their significant others, which will inevitably lead to a short fuse and annoyance. Spend time with your other friends, the time apart makes you appreciate the loved one in your life. (Or who knows, if you find that you are dreading going back, then: tah dah! End it.)

3. Your Values are Completely Opposite - I'm not talking about, 'she likes funny movies, I like action (preferably naked),' I'm talking about, 'she's a smoker,' or 'he doesn't want kids,' or 'she thinks George W. will be vindicated' - things like that. Believe me - I've embraced the dating of complete opposites. I enjoy learning things from people that break the mold of 'who I am' or 'what other people think I should be,' but there are just some lifestyle choices that ultimately don't work out in the long-run.

4. You Feel Insecure - If you're going out with the right person, you should never feel belittled, degraded, or inconsequential. A lot of guys will do this to play mental games with women. I haven't seen it as much with my female friends, but guys will do this because they feel insecure about themselves. Much like the military, they will try to break you down as an individual, and build you back up as a component of themselves. You will feel like you can't hang out with your friends, or you need his approval, or you aren't good enough. I despise these types of low-level thugs. Your relationship should be built on trust, honesty, and respect, and continue to grow from two beautiful minds, rather than from the will of one caveman, who will lead you nowhere, physically and mentally.

5. You've Already Broken Up Before - Finally, this is probably one of my biggest relationship pet peeves. If you've broken up with your ex in the past, not 'taking a break,' but full-on, 'it's over!' mode, I guarantee that your relationship will not stand the test of time. In all my life asking people about how they got married, how they met, etc., I've never once heard in my life a story of a couple who lived happily ever after, when they've already broken up several times. There's two things about people who break up, only to come back together. #1: They're naive, because they always think the other person has changed for the better. Give it a month of bliss, before the old demon rears it's ugly head again. #2: They're too impulsive. If you can quickly break up with someone, then you don't have the skills to make it through a relationship (or this relationship) that will face far more tribulations in life that so far doesn't include: home ownership, in-laws, children, and menopause, just to name a few.

1 comment:

about the blow off

We've all been blown off, we've all blown someone off. Share your story: the blow off texts, emails, voice mail messages you've either sent or received to mark the end of a relationship. And if the blow off consisted of a disappearing act, post a missing person's report. Or just read stories about break ups in general.