August, Out

Eight handy excuses for not having accomplished a damned thing in August.

8. “Yeah … well, you know,
that’s just, like, your opinion,
man.” 7. “You call 1,467 anonymous
complaint comments about the
new sltrib.com nothing?”
6. “But the tight three minutes
I’ve been working on is going to
slay at The Comedy Hole openmic.”
5. “And lose our place in line
right before the cat café finally
opens? Mr. Fluffernutter and I
have no regrets!”
4. “Wait … it’s August? No
way—September?!”
3. “But my flat-earth podcast
is reaching new believers all
around the world.”
2. “We all grieve for the
summer movie season in our own
way.”
1. “I’m the Mayor of Salt Lake
City—who the fuck are you?!”