Full sermon notes - Ephesians pt9: Wives and Husbands

We are going to focus on the passage in Ephesians 5 on wives and husbands

First I am going to set up what the problem is

Then I am going to suggest a solution

Finally I will talk about some practical application, including single people

I should acknowledge that I got a lot of insights from a book, Marriage and the New Creation

Ephesians 5:22–24

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. (ESV)

That’s the ESV, but all the translations are pretty much the same.

There seems to be a parallel between the way we are supposed to submit to Christ and the way a wife submits to her husband

But there are some problems:

Christ is perfect, but husbands are not!

In fact, sometimes it is unfair, oppressive or even abusive

Women are not in any way inferior, so what is the reason? (We are inferior to Christ!)

Sometimes women make better decisions

Often they are more responsible

so how does this make sense?

If we say that the reason was the social context of the time, we have a problem with the reason that Paul gives—the parallel with Christ and the church.

What about single people

Is this passage in any way relevant to single women or men?

5:31–33 One flesh with Christ?

See that later: Paul seems to be saying that we, the church, become one flesh with Christ

Some people who don’t believe the Bible is God’s word say that Paul

began well by being counter-cultural in Galatians 3:28, “there is neither male nor female”

but later weakened and gave in to social pressure in this passage

What do you think?

My solution is going to be

Paul is going to turn upside down all the social ideas of the time

He has a new understanding of reality that radically changes everything

But before we get to that...

First point: The word submit is maybe not the best translation

The Greek word can be used to mean control and coercion, but not when it is used in this way

Just to be a bit technical here, active vs. middle or passive

The bottom line is that here it is a totally voluntary and free choice to follow the lead

A better (but more awkward) translation might be “voluntarily choose to lift the other person up and put yourself below them”

1 Cor 15:28 Jesus submits to the Father

Now for three curious things...

First thing: The passage is about being filled by the Spirit

Ephesians 5:15–6:9

…be filled by the Spirit,

19. speaking

to one another
in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs

19b. singing and making music

with your heart to the Lord,

20. giving thanks

always and for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ
to God the Father

21. submitting to one another out of allegiance to Christ.

Wives … to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

Husbands, love your wives,

Children, obey your parents in the Lord

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger

Slaves, obey your earthly masters

Masters, do the same to them

This is somewhat surprising

You might expect signs and wonders, healing, prophecy, tongues etc.

Not speaking, singing, giving thanks and submitting

This is our first clue that something much bigger is in view

Curious things

The passage is about being filled by the Spirit

Wives are only told indirectly to submit...

This is very strange and is a big clue (along with the Spirit) that something else is happening

Eph 5:21–24

submitting to one another out of allegiance to Christ.

Wives… toyour own husbands, as to the Lord.

For the husband is the head of the wife
even as Christis the headof the church,he is saviour of the body

But as the churchsubmitsto Christ,
so also should wives… totheir husbands in everything.

Passage has an almost poetic structure, not uncommon in Paul’s writings and other writings of the time

Every word is placed carefully to reflect what it means.

Wives are only told indirectly through the picture of Christ

Right in the middle it “saviour of the body” is a reference back to 2:14–15 where Jesus brings about a new creation at the cross

Curious things

The passage is about being filled by the Spirit

Wives are only told indirectly to submit (via a referenc to Christ)

The New Adam and Eve

This is the strangest of them all, but suddenly everything makes sense

Ephesians 5:21–33

submittingto one another out of allegiance to Christ.

Wives… toyour own husbands, as to the Lord.

For the husband is the head of the wife
even as Christis the headof the church,he is saviour of the body

But as the churchsubmitsto Christ,
so also should wives… totheir husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives,
as Christ loved the church
and gave himself up for her,

that he might make her holy, cleansing her by the washing of water in the word,

that he might present to himselfthe church, in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing,
that she might be holy and without blemish.

In the same way husbands should love their own wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his own wife loves himself.

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it,
just as Christ does the church,

because we are members of his body.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother
and hold fast to his wife,
and the two shall become one flesh.”

This mystery is profound,
and I speak with reference to Christ and the church.

However you, each one of you should so love his own wife as himself,
and the wife should respect her husband.

Up till now in human history, marriage has looked back to Adam and Eve for its pattern

Now it looks forward to the new Adam and the new Eve

It has been re-oriented towards the new creation

Instead of being a copy of the past, it has the potential to be a copy of the future

Explain what is meant—not a literal marriage

Picture of looking forward and not looking back (volunteers)

Men and women have the opportunity to pull the future into the present

Actually both have to submit

For both partners it is about submitting your own interests to the needs of the other

It is the new life of Christ in us, flowing out

It is the Spirit who empowers the New Creation

Quote from Miletic p.118

The potential for being hurt, abused, disrespected, betrayed as well as the potential for being accepted, affirmed, loved, healed and set free is greatest within interdependent relationships where the deepest and most intimate human vulnerabilities and needs surface.

It is precisely here where wife and husband might know the temptation to dominate, betray, destroy, or, to create, love and give the self to the other.

Quote from Miletic cont’d

The text addresses this core of human experience with a message of hope: the giving and receiving of agape love has the power not just to heal, but to take the husband and wife from brokenness to wholeness;

it holds out the promise to re-create both spouses into the image of the New Adam and New Eve.

The re-creating occurs in the depths of human experience, where the power to live the challenge of giving and receiving agapic love must find its home.

So here finally we have a reason for this relationship in marriage

When you act in this way, you pull the future into the present

You pull in the power of the age to come

You pull in the power of the Spirit

You pull in the presence of Jesus, who you are copying in this behaviour

It’s not that men are better than women,

and in the age to come there will be no marrying

but for now, we are given this as an opportunity

Practical Implications

Both partners in a marriage submit their self-interest and put the other first

Part of the husband’s role in loving his wife is to listen to her and make her views part of any decisionmaking process

There might occasionally be times when a consensus cannot be reached between them, and he must take the responsibility of showing leadership

Respecting her husband’s leadership does not in any way require that a wife submit to abuse, either verbal or physical

Nor should she submit to anything that is against God’s laws

Single People

Paul gives eight example relationships in this passage

Husbands, wives, parents, children, servants, masters

But we can extend the principles to any relationship

Every friendship carries commitment and requires self-sacrifice

Sometimes we have to give ourselves like Christ

Sometimes we have to put up with stuff out of love

Jesus love is the best we could ever hope for!

David & Jonathan

Have you ever said to yourself “I’m done with that person”

But the best news of all is that we are the bride!

What a perfect husband!

What an incredible example of love!

You can receive his love, and become part of that perfect marriage in the future