Tag: ‘kickboxing’

January 15, 2008 at 7:15 am

I had heard of them before, but I’d never seen one until last night. I didn’t know if they were real, but I can now testify that they exist. Of what do I speak? Overweight aerobics instructors.

It started Sunday night when I finally watched the TurboJam DVDs I checked out from the library. TurboJam is the same thing as TurboKick, a fitness workout developed by Chalene Johnson in 1997 that incorporates kickboxing and dance moves. I took a class last year as part of a community education program, but I haven’t been since because the drive was too far. As I was bobbing around in front of my computer to the DVDs, I realized two things. First, it’s amazing how much more floor space I have around my computer than between my TV and my sofa. Second, exercise used to be so much fun! Fun! That’s what I’ve been missing! Bouncing around on the carpet learning a new routine stimulated my mind and forced me to think and concentrate in a way I haven’t […]

May 25, 2007 at 9:35 am

My last TurboKick class for the year was last night. It’s odd to think that our first session was canceled because of a snow day, yet last night we decided to skip the legs section because it was hotter than Brad Pitt in the school gym. It doesn’t take too long for the seasons to change, eh? There’s a metaphor for life in there somewhere, I’m sure. I suppose the heat is why they don’t do a summer session. We’d quickly turn that oven of a school gym into a swimming pool with all our combined sweat.

This was the first aerobics class I’ve ever taken and overall the experience was positive. I enjoyed punching and kicking and flailing around trying to learn the routines. But I don’t think I will sign up for this particular class again because the drive to the location was too far. I got to experience some of the aerobics class clichés – the perky instructor, the husband begrudgingly dragged along by his wife, the girl whose tendons were replaced by […]

April 21, 2007 at 11:38 am

I haven’t ridden a steel and beams roller coaster for years now, though I’m finally thin enough to do so again, but I was riding the weight roller coaster this week. It was down and then it was up and now it’s down again, so I’ll just clap my hands and say “Yay!” and hope it continues on a downward trend. Maybe next month I’ll hit 180 and have some new progress pics for you.

My kickboxing instructor seems to be sick or injured. Perhaps she got into a fight with someone with a better right hook than her. Two weeks ago I picked up the phone to hear the automated voice of an auto-dialer telling me class had been canceled. This week we had a – duh, dun, duh – substitute teacher. Perhaps my instructor is not injured at all, but just wants us to appreciate us more. Maybe she sent in a sub so we’d see how good we’ve got it with her.

March 8, 2007 at 2:52 pm

I think the key to getting a good workout during kickboxing class is to imagine someone particularly vile when I’m throwing right hooks and uppercuts. In the last session I imagined the creep who had somehow hacked my ebay account an hour before class. S/he not only listed fake auctions, but made me late for class since I had to change all my passwords and cancel about 20 auctions for DVD sets of “The L Word” and “24.” In this case I think the L word was “lying leech” and I’d love to see my hacker playing the part of a torture victim in the latest day of Jack Baur’s life. I took my rage out on the air molecules in the elementary school gymnasium and now my biceps and triceps are sore like they haven’t been after the other two classes. Exercise is indeed a good stress release.

I was also pissed at another attendee in class, a guy who seemed to be dragged there by his wife or girlfriend. I imagine she talked him […]

February 21, 2007 at 8:52 am

I survived my first kickboxing class without getting a close-up look of the Nike sole pattern in my face. I’m not sure which is more a danger to me, myself or the kicks and punches of my fellow turbo cardio participants. I think the lady to my left was gunning for me, the feisty old broad. And I haven’t even perfected my blocking guard yet!

The yoga class ahead of us was running 10 minutes late, so everyone congregated in the hallway of the elementary school the class is held in. I can’t recall the last time I was in an elementary school, but, wow, I do not miss that government institutionalized look. Just being in a building like that reminded me of the time as a child when adults have complete say over what you do. Walking through the cafeteria on the way in brought back similar sensory memories of bad food and weird smells and annoying classmates. If someone had handed me a lunch tray, I might have had a full flashback to 5th […]

Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JenFul now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.