Best & Worst ’10: HORROR GUY KEENAN’S BOTTOM 5 OF 2010

It is SO much easier to write bad things for films than good things, that’s for damn sure. These films below have stuck out in my head all year as the horror films I wish I had an rusty, jagged, needled filled scrub brush covered in acid to wash the horrid viewings away with. Check ‘em out!

HORROR GUY KEENAN’S BOTTOM 5 OF 2010

Unlike the other films in this category, Serbian is shot beautifully and tells a powerful story. But when does storytelling go too far? I would have to say when it reaches the limits that this film did. Ever since I started writing reviews for horror films I have never encountered such a more brutal and painful film as this. I never thought I had a limit until I watched Serbian Film. I hope this is the last time I ever have to write about it because even the thought in my head of this film makes me sick. I’m sure by me saying this most of you now want to see it more than ever. But just remember, I warned you.

This film is a perfect example of how to ruin something fun and exciting. A lot of shaky cam films have come out in the past few years. Some good, some not so good. It’s an easy thing to screw up and look very armature. The Possession does just that. People in a room running around screaming with bad lighting so you never really see any creatures in this small apartment of death and despair. Possession had so many problems throughout itself, along with the fact that it wasn’t even a camera you were looking through. It was through the eyes of each person in the house. But it still felt like a camera. Nothing memorable about this film AT all.

We have all heard the term ‘rape my childhood’ with many reboots of TV series and movies. But Clash really took the cake and ruined what was something amazing and memorable to me as a child. Mixing 300 like actions scenes with Clash was already a mistake, not to mention a story that falls all over itself. Even the 3D was not even enjoyable in theaters. There was no reason for this film to even be 3D without one agenda in mind, to make a buck. This has already become a forgotten remake while everyone still holds high Ray Harryhausen’s original classic masterpiece.

I really loved Eli Roth’s Cabin Fever and when I heard it was getting a sequel I got excited until I heard Eli was not coming back on board. Then it sat in limbo for what seemed like ages! When a film takes this long to get off the ground, there is a reason for it and it should just not be made. While filming, director Ti West’s (The House of the Devil) had so many problems on set that he wanted his name removed from the film and did not even want to finish the film. Hence why the film takes a random turn midway through. Why I still own a copy of this POS I have no idea? Don’t let the cool box art fool ya.

Talk about a piece of crap! This is possibly the worst thing I had ever had to sit through. From what it looks like The Suicide Girls camp wanted to make a reality series for MTV and filmed there “models” staying at a camp while someone starts picking them off one by one. The girls think this is just a photoshoot gig but it’s something more. Well it’s just really dumb. Girls just walk away and disappear and you sit around and watch these girls just bitch to each other about one another and ask “Whatever happened to so and so?” Some girls are acting (or trying to for that matter) because they are let in on this cheap trick of reality tv. The girls are not even attractive AT ALL so why should you really watch this in the first place? Well it looks like nobody picked this series up so they just mashed all the episodes into one film and you can blatantly tell. There is no reason for anyone to want to watch this thing. If you want to see pretty photoshopped Suicide Girls just check out their web site. They look allot better when they are not talking anyways.