Your attention. Red One mobilization is still in effect. All Federation citizens between the ages of sixteen and forty five are to report to the nearest Federation recruitment center Immediately. Iíve been informed that a few of personnel reading this thread have still not complied with the latest Federation regulations. Make no mistake, that will be going into my report. On the war front, the battle continues to go well. Federation forces have launched a counter attack and are driving the enemy fleet back. Recent reports indicated that the Liberator was engaging the enemy fleet. Intercepted radio transmissions give rise to speculation that Avon and some of the crew led a mutiny against Blake and are now fighting against the aliens. More reports to follow.

For the record, and with me everything is on the record, I dislike dealing with you civilians. Iíve followed my orders, completed my assignment, now Iím taking the next transport to reunite with my squad and hopefully Iíll be able to get in on the action.

Greetings to all current and soon to be Federation citizens. Trooper Pouthmiece back again with the latest Federation news.

Breaking News: Federation forces repel alien invasion.

File: Star One
status; Closed

Lock up your daughters and hide your wine, Pouthmieceís back in town! Thatís right everyone, Iím back, and you canít see it but thereís a big smile beneath my respirator mask. I really missed you guys so letís get to it. Weíve got a jam packed show for you today but first Iíd like to thank Section Leader Klegg for filling in for me and doing a fantastic job. Letís give him a big hand, everyone. Right now old Klegg is back with his unit in the Eleventh Sector.

Second, thanks for all those letters and emails asking about me. I appreciate it. Iíll tell you what Iíve been up to but letís take care of business first. The war is over (although how long it lasted is debatable) and the men in black won. Thatís right, we sent those slimey aliens running all the way back to the Andromeda galaxy with their tails between their legs (literally) while only suffering minimal loses. That means Martial law has been rescinded and all you citizens can go back to your normal way of life and enjoy the freedom afforded to you by the Earth Federation. But remember it took sacrifices to ensure that freedom so the next time you see a trooper give him a thumbs up. Let him know heís appreciated.

Some planets may still be experiencing computer malfunctions and erratic weather conditions due to the effects the war had on Control. Stay calm and follow instructions of local Federation authorities, maintenance crews are working around the clock to rectify the problem. This is the time to pull together, people. Remember, the Federation is for your own good.

Now, as to where Iíve been; after Servalan initiated Martial law certain knowledgeable personnel were brought in for de-briefing, strictly routine. And no oneís more knowledgeable than T.P.(heh heh). After that I hitched a ride on a warship headed to the front lines to help kick some alien arse! Brought back some pics from the battle.

Even got a shot of what one of those buggers looks like after theyíve been introduced to the business end of a Fed plasma rifle;

On a sad note ex Space Commander Travis was believed to be on the planet Star One where the controls for our early warning defense system is, or rather was located. Itís believed he followed the Liberator there and gave his life attempting to stop Blake from sabotaging the facility and with his dying breath he managed to send out a warning giving us a heads up on the invasion. Youíll be missed Space Commander.

This has been trooper Pouthmiece.
From strength to unity._________________"Women, food, and inflicting pain -- in no particular order."
- The Fifth Legion

Greetings to all current and soon to be Federation citizens. Trooper Pouthmiece back again with the latest Federation news.

Breaking News: War with Andromedans declared over. President Servalan listed as missing.

File: Aftermath

Hey everyone, T.P. here and as you probably know by now the war is officially over. All that remains now is the mopping up and escorting the remaining alien ships out of Federation space (thatís military jargon for destroying them). You can all sleep soundly knowing that you wonít have to learn Andromedan. Our historic victory didnít come easy, our flagship carrying President Servalan which was leading the counter attack was destroyed. Itís believed the president managed to reach a life pod and ejected somewhere in the vicinity of the Sarran planetary system. Sarran is the world where it was rumored failed rebel leader Hal Mellanby and his daughter were hiding. Weíre spread pretty thin right now but search and rescue ships have been dispatched towards the system but in the meantime letís all pray for President Servalanís safe return (the Federation outlawed religion but you know what I meant).

On a happier note video footage shows the Liberator sustaining heavy damage and the crew leaving in escape pods (donít want anything happening to them before their execution). That means that overrated, glorified prison ship is up for grabs. Spoils of war.

This has been trooper Pouthmiece.
From strength to unity._________________"Women, food, and inflicting pain -- in no particular order."
- The Fifth Legion

Hey everyone, T.P. here with some good news. Long range communications show that President Servalan is aboard a Chenga medical facility ship on her way to Federation space. She confirmed that several of Blakeís crew managed to survive and are most likely aboard the Liberator under the command of Kerr Avon. She also reported that she was on the planet Sarran where she was being held captive by escaped convict Avon, fugitive Hal Mellanby and his daughter Dayna. The President barely managed to escape with her life but not before accidently killing Hal Mellanby in self defense. Fortunately she was picked up by a Chengan medical ship where she was able to convince the captain to transport her back to Earth.

I hate to end on a sad note but I was informed that the body of Section Leader Klegg and several members of his squad were found floating in space near the planet Sarran. Preliminary autopsy reports showed that they were all brutally murdered before being dumped into the icy void. Kleggís last message showed that he and his men were going to board and offer medical and technical assistance to the crew of the Liberator. You donít have to be a psychostrategist to figure out what happened (bloody butchers). Section Leader Klegg leaves behind a wife and two children. Our hearts go out to them.

This has been a saddened trooper Pouthmiece.
From strength to unity._________________"Women, food, and inflicting pain -- in no particular order."
- The Fifth Legion

Hey everyone, T.P. here with the latest news. Itís been confirmed that Kerr Avon is now in command of the Liberator and has put together a new crew of misfits and headed towards the planet Obsidian. Obsidian is a peaceful, highly advanced, neutral world (which we respect) although some of its citizens would rather the safety of the Federation. Our sources on the planet informed us that Avon sent his latest recruits to Obsidian in an effort to intimidate the leader into allowing them to use the planet as a rebel base and their citizens as cannon fodder. In return they would get a share of stolen goods and the protection of the Liberator (yeah, one ship against an empire. Makes perfect sense. Now I see why Avon sent the rookies). Rather than get dragged into this insane plan they contacted us for assistance. A small nearby Federation force was despatched to give..
Just a moment, Iím getting a live update... It appears the Liberator, Orac, and several crew members have been taken. I repeat, the Liberator and its possessions are under Federation control. Well, thatís good news indeed (break out the champagne) . Itís about time we... wait, another update; we lost the Liberator (damn!). But at least we still have Orac and prisoners.. another update; Tarrant managed to reclaim Orac (youíve got to be kidding me) and the prisoners (@#$%).

Iím getting another live update.. This canít be correct. Could someone in the studio verify this? Itís correct (Bloody hell)? Some tragic news. It seems that rather than giving into Tarrantís bully tactics and turn on the Federation, the people of Obsidian chose to destroy their own planet. Thatís right everyone, the people and the planet Obsidian are no more.

This has been a devastated trooper Pouthmiece.
From strength to unity._________________"Women, food, and inflicting pain -- in no particular order."
- The Fifth Legion

Greetings to all current and soon to be Federation citizens. Trooper Pouthmiece back again with the latest Federation news.

Breaking News - Liberator pulled into black hole.

File: Dawn of the Gods

Federation survey vessels were charting Sector 12 when they noticed a craft later identified as the Liberator heading towards what has been characterized as an unknown phenomenon. Why the craft took no action until too late is unknown but it was eventually pulled into what appeared to be a black hole. Multiple ships in that sector have been known to disappear so the survey ship remained at a safe distance to monitor the situation.

Hours later sensors showed that what was thought to be a black hole was actually an artificial planet that exploded moments after the Liberator vacated it (another world destroyed after Avon and his crew visited it. Coincidence?). Itís believed the artificial planet was inhabited at the time of destruction (wonder if the Liberator took survivors) but Federation ships were not close enough to perform rescue operations.

This has been a distraught trooper Pouthmiece.
From strength to unity._________________"Women, food, and inflicting pain -- in no particular order."
- The Fifth Legion

Greetings to all current and soon to be Federation citizens. Trooper Pouthmiece back again with the latest Federation news.

File: Harvest of Kairos

This is a sad day for the Federation and for mankind in general; the legendary Ven Jarvik has died. Warrior, poet, lover, sage, teacher, the list goes on. Several days ago Jarvik was promoted to the rank of Acting Major by President Servalan herself and given the order of capturing Tarrant. He succeeded of course, Jarvik doesnít know how to fail. After thwarting Avonís crew from hijacking the latest Kairopan cargo Jarvik then went on to capture the Liberator herself. He even topped it off by besting Tarrant in man to man combat (all in a dayís work). Unfortunately his chivalry proved to be his downfall as the rebels threatened to murder innocent civilians unless their ship was returned. Being a man, and having honor (take notes, Tarrant), Jarvik complied which resulted in his demise.
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For those of you who wish to learn more about Ven Jarvik, go to the Federation internet site and type his name in the Wiki link. He led an exciting life.

Iíll leave you with one of his many quotes, ďI shall expect both courage and enterprise.Ē

This has been asaddened trooper Pouthmiece.
From strength to unity._________________"Women, food, and inflicting pain -- in no particular order."
- The Fifth Legion

Greetings to all current and soon to be Federation citizens. Trooper Pouthmiece back again with the latest Federation news.

Breaking News; Bayban the Butcher confirmed dead.

File: City at the Edge of the World

Bayban the Butcher, also known as Bayban the Berserker, second on the Federationís most wanted list is believed to have perished on the planet Kezarn. Along with Baybanís remains (spread all over the place and verified through DNA) were the dead bodies of his crew which were also found on the planet surrounding a recently destroyed city. Intel showed that Tarrant (now Avonís second in command) was forming an alliance with the space pirate but the two groups had a falling out with Tarrantís crew coming out on top (one less threat to the Federation and civilization). No remains of the inhabitants of the planet were found. Since this is Blakeís crew, I mean Avonís crew weíre talking about Iím surprised they didnít destroy the entire planet. All in all this is a win for the Federation.

Iím starting something today that may be a regular part of the show. Itís called ďAsk Troopper Pouthmiece,Ē where I will read and answer one of the millions of fan mail I receive daily. Our first question is from Jome of Sooni, one of our frontier worlds. Jome writes; ďHey, Trooper Pouthmiece, why do you guys wear black?Ē Well, first, Jome, both our guys and gals wear black, weíre all equal and donít discriminate. As to answer your question, itís because black represents purity. Itís the symbol of total, unblemished, unquestionable truth and justice. The absence of compromise. That, and it scares the hell out of the bad guys. Thanks for your question, Jome.

This has been trooper Pouthmiece. _________________"Women, food, and inflicting pain -- in no particular order."
- The Fifth Legion

Greetings to all current and soon to be Federation citizens. Trooper Pouthmiece back again with the latest Federation news.

Breaking News; Auron infected with plague.

File: Children of Auron

Approximately eight hours ago a distress call was received from the planet Auron asking for assistance to combat a disease that was running rampant on their homeworld. Fortunately President Servalan was in the vicinity and hurried there to offer aid. Federation scientists theorized that it was most likely a pathogen introduced by the aliens during the War (aliens have no regard for rules of war) which our doctors were able to combat but treatment was linked to each patientís individual tissue pattern. Unfortunately the Auronar having lived in isolation had little or no resistance against infections so within hours the disease spread across the entire planet (bet they wished they joined the Federation when they had the chance). Sensors indicated that the Liberator was also in orbit around the planet (which is usually a death sentence for a world). Despite our best efforts the only way the Federation could help after that was to put out a plague warning. I donít want to speculate (on the advice from my lawyers) but some conspiracy buffs believe they succumbed to some experiment they were working on. Our deepest sympathy.

Ask Troopper Pouthmiece:
This weekís question is from Halsan of Khom. Halsan asks ďCan I be a Federation trooper?Ē Unfortunately Halsan, Khom is not part of the Federation (yet) so the answer for now is no. However, donít give up hope. Find people like yourself, organize into groups, march, protest, petition your elected officials. Make your voices heard and the Federation will offer you aid and hopefully one day soon your planet can become part of the Federation family.

This has been trooper Pouthmiece.
From strength to unity._________________"Women, food, and inflicting pain -- in no particular order."
- The Fifth Legion

Greetings to all current and soon to be Federation citizens. Trooper Pouthmiece back again with the latest Federation news.

Breaking News; President Servalanís first reception in her new palace marred by accident.

File: Rumours of Death

President Servalanís first official reception in her newly built residence had to be postponed due to an explosion caused by what is believed to be a faulty electrical conductor. Councilor Chesku, his wife Sula and several Federation military personnel were killed in the blast but fortunately the President was unharmed. The reception will be rescheduled to another location.As a public service Iíd like to announce that Chief Enhanced Interrogator Shrinker has been reported as missing. Anyone with information on his whereabouts are urged to contact their nearest Federation authorities. Pictures of Interrogator Shrinker can be found on the main Federation web site.

Ask Troopper Pouthmiece:
This weekís question is from Coulana of Earth. Coulana writes ďMy mom says Federation troopers are bad people. Is that true?Ē Coulana, Iím sorry, but your mother is just flat out wrong. Federation troopers are good, hard working, law abiding, decent people. They, or we, protect you from aliens, criminals, rebels, natural disasters, and anything else that could pose a threat to you and your family. Troopers also help in the transportation of medicine, food, fuel, building material, clothing, you name it. Federation troopers are the backbone of society and are heroes. So thereís your answer, Coulana, and thanks for including your address. Some officials will be in contact with your mom to clarify some of her concerns.

This has been trooper Pouthmiece.
From strength to unity._________________"Women, food, and inflicting pain -- in no particular order."
- The Fifth Legion

Greetings to all current and soon to be Federation citizens. Trooper Pouthmiece back again with the latest Federation news.

Breaking News; Liberator destroys alien tomb.

File: Sarcophagus

Well, this is a weird one. Based on long range surveillance and intercepted transmissions it seems like the Liberator intercepted an alien vessel later identified as a funeral barge. Being the low lifes that they are they did what came natural and looted it (you read that correctly, theyíre grave robbers). After that things get a bit..strange. Reports of arguing, energy fluctuations, levitations, random malfunctions, hallucinations, changes in personalities, mind control. While some might explain it as alien brain-waves housed in a technologically advanced artifact that managed to partially link with and feed off the Auron telepath, Cally. Others might chalk it up to ghosts. I have a simpler explanation; too much drinking (or drugs).

Greetings to all current and soon to be Federation citizens. Trooper Pouthmiece back again with the latest Federation news.

Breaking News; Living planet discovered.

File: Ultraworld

For over a year now we here at the Federation have a saying, ďYou can always tell where the Liberator has beenĒ and the crew really lives up to it. A couple of days ago Federation pursuit ships tracking Avon and his outcasts came upon what is now confirmed to be the remains of an alien artificial planet. While the feat of creating a man made world is nothing special in itself (Federation has plenty) the fact that this planet had germanium (donít feel bad, I had to look that up also) circuitry controlled by a semi organic artificial intelligence (basically a giant brain) whose sole purpose was to gather information. Federation astrologists had recorded this phenomenon previously and were waiting for it to enter our space so peaceful contact could be made. Our scientists theorize that it must have encountered thousands of planets and millions of species, the knowledge the alien brain contained wass incalculable. The secrets of the universe could have been unlocked. And now itís gone. Hope Avon and his gang are happy (is that four planets theyíve destroyed now?).

.

Ask Trooper Pouthmiece:

This weekís question is from Fler, of Probus Four. Fler wants to know if Iíll have any more guests on the show. Yes, but not until next season.

This has been trooper Pouthmiece.
From strength to unity._________________"Women, food, and inflicting pain -- in no particular order."
- The Fifth Legion

For you civilians thatís the motto of the Fifth Legion and after having an opportunity to hang out with those guys once I can tell you they more than live up to their slogan (they really know how to throw a party). Seems during the war some of them wound up in the outer darkness region and crash landed on Sardos. The Sardonians chose to live in isolation but unfortunately their planet, actually a meteoroid, became infested and overrun with criminals from the penal planet Calcos and being led by a mutation named Moloch. Moloch was planning to create his own military with the convicts (where have we heard this before?) and a device capable of taking ordinary planetary matter -- usually rock -- and converting it into energy. A computer then restructures it into matter of every kind, in this case star ships. Fortunately a distress call managed to be sent which was picked up by the Federation. President Servalan responded to the plea for help and led a fleet to Sardos and liberated it. The inhabitants were so grateful they donated their prize invention, the energy mass transmuter and asked to join the Federation. Good move people, and welcome aboard. Itís also worth noting that reports show members of Avonís crew working with the penal planet prisoners.

Ask Trooper Pouthmiece:

This weekís question is from Mira of Earth. Mira writes; ď Can you please settle an argument; whatís faster, Standard by One or Time Distort One?Ē Standard by One is roughly 1.5 x Time Distort One. Thanks for the question, Mira.

This has been trooper Pouthmiece.
From strength to unity._________________"Women, food, and inflicting pain -- in no particular order."
- The Fifth Legion

Greetings to all current and soon to be Federation citizens. Trooper Pouthmiece back again with the latest Federation news.

File: Death-Watch

Breaking News; Vandor Confederacy and United Planets of Teal at war.

That means the Teal-Vandor Convention is taking place and for those of you who donít remember it used to be the number one viscast show on Earth (the most fun you can have with your clothes on anywhere in the galaxy). Basically two combatants, one from each side, fight to the death on a battleground simulated from different planets, cultures and times chosen by a combat computer (Not the way I think wars should be fought but to each their own). All taking place in days filled with festivities! Iíd be down there myself if I didnít have to do this show (just kidding),but since Iím here Iíve got my snacks and drinks on hand. Better get yours too. For those of you who donít have access to the Teal-Vandor network Iím going to live stream the show for you (actually, for legal reasons I can only give you a play by play ).

Okay, the combatants are arriving at the space port, weíre about to get a glimpse of them. Oh, damn. Camera didnít get a clear shot. Have to wait until they present their credentials to the arbiter. Letís go to a commercial.

Think you can beat the Big Wheel? Come to Freedom City and test your luck. Make your reservations now.

Weíre back and we can see the three arbiters; one from each faction and the third...well, this is a surprise, itís President Servalan (sheíll make sure itís fair). Now for the champions; Deeta Tarrant representing Teal (he looks strangely familiar and where have I heard that name?) and Vinni representing Vandor (almost had an altercation before the match). Now we, and the combatants, wait as the combat computer picks a battleground.

Experience the ferocious power of pyrrus the twelth wonder as well as the electrical phenomenon known as the Stardust Blizzard Field. Book a flight on the Space Princess pleasure cruises round trip from Zerok to earth,

Theyíre almost ready. Think Iíll go with Deeta Tarrant (where have I heard that name?) He seems more professional. Wish I had a sensor disk to experience it. Here we go, both contestants stalking each other, trading shots. Vinni challenges Tarrant to a face to face draw. Tarrant accepts.
Bloody hell that was fast, looks like Vinni wins (and I lost two hundred credits).

Show her that you care, give her a Feldon crystal. Agravo mining Co.

Itís all over now except for the formality of the examination...wait.. news reports that Dayna Mellanby has taken President Servalan hostage and Del Tarrant has issued a challenge to Vinni (thatís where I heard the name) good thing we have a battle fleet nearby doing maneuvers and Iíve still got some snacks left.

Pick a pleasure, any pleasure and youíll find it at Space City.

Here we go again, both men waiting for the combat computer to pick a battleground. Looks like the observation gallery of a deep spce liner. Tarrant comes out first, takes cover. Now Vinni comes out, walks across the catwalk, holsters his gun (man, is he confident or what? This time Iím going with Vinni). Uh oh, Tarrantís behind him, calls his name (come on Vinni), and itís over. Vinni got vaporized (and I lost another two hundred credits)

Palmero tropical fruit. Guaranteed fresh by the Federation.

Apparently the Teal representative issued a protest about Vinni not completing the medical examination so on a technicality the first match has to be redone. With two new champions of course (but Iím still out four hundred credits). Donít worry, Iíll be covering it.

Ask Trooper Pouthmiece:

This weekís question is from Dela of Vilka. Dela wants to know what the Federation Command satellite is named. We have several and theyíre called FEDSTATs.

This has been trooper Pouthmiece.
From strength to unity._________________"Women, food, and inflicting pain -- in no particular order."
- The Fifth Legion

Greetings to all current and soon to be Federation citizens. Trooper Pouthmiece back again with the latest Federation news.

Hey everyone, the show was on hiatus due to some technical difficulties which have been resolved and itís good to be back.

Breaking News; President Servalan believed dead.

I hate to come back bearing bad news but itís my duty. Iím sure youíve all heard rumors so Iíll set things straight.

File: Terminal

President Servalan offered Avon and his thieves a generous one time deal, a complete pardon for all of them in exchange for the Liberator. They accepted. Naturally the president being an honest woman kept her word and met them on the planet of the apes, I mean Terminal, a flourishing fertile world for the exchange. She received the Liberator and they received pardons. However, moments after teleporting to the alien ship it exploded with President Servalan and her crew on board. So far there have been no signs of survivors. Federation authorities believe it was sabotaged.

Services will be later this week on Earth along with a day of mourning held throughout Federation territory. For more information visit the official Federation website.

Ask Trooper Pouthmiece:

This weekís question is from Voz of Arcos. Voz wants to know if my show is cancelled. No, the show isnít cancelled. In fact, weíve been renewed for next season. Hopefully next show will be more uplifting.

This has been a remorseful trooper Pouthmiece.
From strength to unity._________________"Women, food, and inflicting pain -- in no particular order."
- The Fifth Legion