(International version)
Dear Lord, won't you give me a ride to the beer,
My friends are all drinking, and I'm stuck out here,
I'll ride in a lorry, rickshaw, or tuk tuk,
If you drive me there I'll throw in a down, down, down, down . . .

(USA version)
Dear Lord, won't you give me a ride to the beer,
My friends are all drinking, and I'm stuck out here,
I'll ride in a Chevy, a Ford or a truck,
If you drive me there I'll throw in a down, down, down, down . . .,br>

Maybe it's time to take some respite from these trashing days; the end of your hashing
days is near . . .
Let's hope the Chester the Molester doesn't kill you first with that home-brew shit he
calls beer!

You're 50 years old, Shortcakes.
Here's wishing you lots of luck . . .
And hoping that the future holds in store for you . . . 50 more years to fuck!

BIRTHDAY SONG # 5
Melody - The Eyes of Texas Are Upon You
Contributed by ZiPpY

Your day of birth is now upon you,
You're older by one day,
Your day of birth is now upon you,
And now you're gonna pay,
The Hash is gonna lay it on you,
You dirty bastard (bitchin') hound,
Your day of birth is now upon you,
Drink it down, down down down down

Optional prayer offered by the religious advisor before the hash, from Shuttle Cock of the Houston HHH . . . should be performed in the style of a Catholic/Episcopal dismissal

RA: The buzz which passes all understanding,
Keep your hearts and minds in the knowledge and love of hashing,
And the Blessing of "G" all plastered:
The Flour (make first slash of "X" in the air)
The Sun (complete the "X" in the air)
And the Short Cut that pays off (make circle around "X" in the air)
Be among you and remain with you always.
Go Forth to Love and Serve the Hash.

Late one evening, out by the pond
My fairy Godmother went nuts with her wand
She fucked up the words, she was half in the bag
Now the pumpkin’s a sumo who dresses in drag.
Chim Chiminey Chim Chiminey Chim Chim Churee
I’ve got the balls of a rhino, the dick of a flea
Chim Chiminey, Chim Chiminey, Chim Chim Churoo
I can see by your face that she fucked you up too.
I may not have much, but it’s enough to fuck you…….

Does a hasher like to walk,
Does a hasher like to run,
Does a hasher like to be where they're having all the fun?
Can he drink a 12-ounce beer,
While his friends all sing and cheer,
Now your time has come.
So drink it down, down, down . . .

When visitors at this hash appear,
and pay five bucks to drink our beer,
and offend all those who see or hear,
the cries go up both far and near to:
(SM) Drink it Down, (P) Drink it Down,
(SM) Drink it Down, (P) Drink it Down.

Speed of lightening, roar of thunder,
Chug it down or show us chunder,
Drink it Down, Drink it Down.
Oooh, ahhh ooh, ahhh ooh, ahhh ooh, ahhh ooh, ahhh ooh,

When in this world the hash trash reads,
of those who think they've come to breed,
and visitors steal from those who need,
to right this wrong with blinding speed they'll:

Version 1
Composed by Flying Booger in December 1994, on the departure of Down, Under, and family, included here because it's simple and can easily be changed to fit the names of your own departing hashers

Here's to Down and Under,
And Slinky, and Blue Hawaii,
Who leave us for Australia,
We'll miss you very much.
Drink it down, down, down . . .

Version2

We bid farewell to ______,
To hash in other lands,
We bid farewell to ______,
To hash in other lands.
May all your trails end with beer,
And all your songs have cheer,
We bid farewell to ______,
Now here is one more beer.

TO THE SLOW DRINKER:
All this time that you're taking,
I know that you're faking,
We could be masturbating,
I fear.
Now we've run out of song,
And we won't get along,
Until you finish,
That fucking beer!

Back to the top of the Page
By P'Tooey, Calgary HHH
Gispert guide us on this hash,
As along the trail we dash,
Guide our feet on ice and snow,
As to the drinkstop we will go,
Let the moon so brightly shine,
Leading us to beer so fine.

God bless Gispert, hallowed be his name. His hash be laid on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily Beer. And forgive us our Ah-Shits, as we also forgive those who pissed us off. And lead us not unto temptation to Short-Cut; but deliver us to the On-In. For the beer is cold, and the Pack is thirsty for ever and ever, Amen.

1. No poofters.
2. There is no rule 2.
3. See rule 1. No poofters.
4. No stealing (see hereunder - definition of stealing):
Stealing - the covert removal of another Hashman's property with the intention of depriving said Hashman of such property for an indefinite period of time.
5. No stealing, but borrowing is okay (see hereunder the definition of borrowing):
Borrowing is the act of covert temporary removal of another Hashman's property
(property in this instance is confined to items of a portable nature and directly related to hashing such as mugs, bugles and run books). Substantial items such as kegs whilst being directly related to hashing should never be borrowed. At all times the property borrowed is held for a relatively short period of time and always returned in good order. Often such property is enhanced by suitable engraving to record for posterity the guile of the borrower. Borrowing is a complex issue and where any doubt exists the Grand
Master should be consulted.
6. No poofters.
7. Rain is not permitted during Hash runs. The Religious Advisor is personally responsible for ensuring that fine conditions prevail for a period of not less than one hour each Monday from
6.00 pm.
8. No poofters.
9. No discrimination. Wogs, abos, poms, unemployed, dogs, women, criminals, disabled, nymphomaniacs, Collingwood supporters and even lawyers are all encouraged to run Hash. Alcoholics are particularly welcome. Athletes are tolerated in some Hashes. Athletes, dogs and females whilst permitted to run can never aspire to become Grand Master.
10. Definitely no poofters.
11. No competitiveness.
12. Under no circumstances are poofters permitted to run Hash.
13. No training. Persons caught training will be deemed to have breached Rule # 11 and will be liable to a charge. A range of activities may be interpreted as training, and for guidance the following non-exhaustive list is provided:
a) running other than official Hash runs
b) cycling (fornication on a push bike is exempt)
c) visiting a gymnasium for any other purpose than perving on the aerobics class
d) using the stairs while escalators are available
e) rooting the wife/girlfriend when so pissed it is a marathon effort
14. All Hashmen must commit to memory rules 1, 2 and 3 and be able to recite them at any hour of the day or night regardless of their state of inebriation.
15. Poofterism will not be fucking tolerated under any conditions.
16. No fighting at Hash. This rule is absolute and the entire culture of Hash relies on strict adherence to this rule. If a fellow Hashman causes you immense displeasure by stealing your car or impregnating your daughter (wives are exempt) then belt shit out of him at some other place than Hash and on some other day than Monday which is a day of reverence and tranquillity.
17. Poofters will be shot on sight. No poofters.
18. Other rules may be enacted by the committee as they see fit.
19. Amendments to Rules 1, 3, 6, 8, 10, 12, 15 and 17 are illegal.
Note: Bestiality is not covered in these Rules due to the proliferation of New Zealand Hashes. Whilst ovine relationships are discouraged in Australia, subject to certain rules it will be tolerated:
a) the fucker must be of NZ birth or citizenship
b) the fuckee must be a ewe (no poofters!)
c) the fuckee must be a consenting adult
d) the fuckee must be reasonably attractive
As this item is not incorporated in Hash rules, all behaviour covered by the above note is subject to determination by the Grand Master.

VERSION # 1
Here's to ,
He's true blue, (he's a blue)
He's a Hasher,
Through and through,
He's a pisspot, (he's an asshole)
So they say,
Tried to go to heaven, (he'll never get to heaven)
But he went the other way, (in a long, long way)
So drink it down, down, down . . .

Back to the top of the Page
Melody - Itself
By Mud Fucker, Bay City HHH,br>
He wanks his crank in the morning
He wanks his crank in the night
He wanks his crank with his left hand
and he cleans it up with his right.

Ice the bitch, She Mussel Bitch,
Numb, the price you have to pay,
Sit, right there and down that beer,
Yes, you pissed off the R.A.
Damn, your ass is getting red,
And, your lips are turning blue,
Place, that mug above your head,
And prove you downed that brew.

If you're a drunkard and you know it, raise your glass!
If you're a drunkard and you know it, raise your glass!
If you're a drunkard and you know it,
(slurred)Then your slurring will surely show it.
If you're a drunkard and you know it, raise your glass!

I'm sometimes up and sometimes down,
Comin' for to carry me home,
But still my soul feels heavenly bound.
Comin' for to carry me home.

If you get there before I do,
Coming for to carry me home,
Tell all my friends that I'm coming too,
Coming for to carry me home.
(repeat with variations: humming and motions only, silence and motions only, double-time)

Hashers, meet the hashers,
They're the biggest drunks in history,
From Las Vegas, N-V (or your favorite town),
They're the leaders in debauchery.
Half minds, trailing shiggy through the years,
Watch them as they down a lot of beers,
Down down, down down down down,
Down down down down down down down down down,
Down down, down down down down,
Down down down down down down down down down.

RA: Prostrate yourself before your fellow hashers.
(Hasher kneels or lies prostrate on the ground in accordance with local custom, with assistance from mismanagement as necessary)
RA: Before you are initiated into the fold and bestowed the holy Hash Name, what have you to say for yourself.
Hasher: I'm not worthy.
RA: (reads verses)
1. In the beginning was the Hash, and the Hash was with Beer and the Hash was Beer.
2. The same was in the beginning with Gispert.
3. The same came for a witness, to bear witness of the Hash, that all men through him might believe.
4. And when he was baptized, went straight up and received the Down-Down.
5. And lo a voice from heaven, saying, this is my beloved hasher in whom I am well pleased.
6. Not by the works of righteousness we have done, but according to the mercy of the Pack are you saved, by washing of regeneration, and renewing of the holy Thirst.
7. Therefore if any person be in the Hash, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things become new.
8. Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed as a competitor, but alive as a member of the Pack, to boldly go forth on the trail and pursue the Holy Hash Beer.
(RA grasps the bag of hash and sprinkles it on the Hasher)
RA: I baptize you in the name of Gispert and all other great hashers who came before you.
(RA sprinkles beer on the Hasher)
RA: Your friends have gotten together and chosen your name and you will hereafter be known as ____________.
(As local tradition dictates, the rest of the pack may be issued flour and beer to further 'baptize' the hasher)
RA: Rise and cleanse thy soul.
(The hasher is handed a beer and does a down-down in accordance with the traditions of the hash)

Our Lager
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk,
I will be drunk,
At home as in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not into incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the Beer, The Bitter, and the Lager,
Barmen.

Back to the top of the Page
Melody - Sound of Silence by Simon & Garfunkel
Attributed to Splat, an East Bay Hasher
Note: If you don't know what PO is, replace the first line with 'Hello Poison Oak, my friend,'

Hello PO my old friend,
I've got you on my crotch again.
Well, you know you make my asshole itch.
These oozing sores are such a bitch.
And the words of the doctor chilled my bones:
"Prednisone."
Drink it down
You asshole(s)!

Back to the top of the Page
Melody - Ring Around the Rosie
Contributed by Orchid Gina of the Big Heads H3 in SD
NOTE FROM ORCHID: This one was most interesting as we sang while skipping around the "culprits"
after our red dress event. (Also it's short enough for most drunks to remember.)

Ring around the rosie;
A pocket full of posies;
You fucked-up;
You fucked-up;
Now drink it down!

Asshole, asshole, a soldier I will be,
To piss, to piss, two pistols on my knee,
For cunt, for cunt, to fight for my country,
Asshole, asshole, asshole, asshole,
A soldier I will be.

Drink it down, down, down . . .

The following version and commentary came from Uncle Yap

Arsehole arsehole a soldier would I be
Fuck you, fuck you for curiosity
I fight for my cunt, I fight for my cunt
I fight for my country
With a piss, with a piss
With a pistol on my knee
Our soldiers went to war, our soldiers fighting
Our soldiers shaft the bayonet, in the enemy's arsehole
Arsehole arsehole a soldier would I be
Fuck you, ...........
.....(and it goes round and round)

This is a song which originated from Malaysia, home of the Hash
It started as a tribute to the Territorial Army, which evolved from
the Home Guard (neighbourhood watch started during WWII in Britain)

Give (name) a beer, a really big beer,
We will watch him drink it down.
Girls, you know if he drinks it all,
He will never get it up.
Oh, the stories sad to tell,
It picked up and then it fell.
You would die if you could see,
(name), slap his tiny wee-wee.

There was a little bird,
No bigger than a turd,
A-sittin' on a telephone pole.
He ruffled up his neck,
And shit about a peck,
He puckered up his little asshole.
(point at violators): Asshole, asshole, asshole, asshole,
He puckered up his little asshole.

Give ______ some pills, the famous 'V',
We will watch him eat 'em down.
Boys, you know if he takes them all,
Tonight he'll never get to sleep.
Oh, the story fun to tell,
How, it rose and never fell.
Girls, you'd laugh if you could see,
______ beat his rock-hard wee-wee wee wee wee wee wee.
Drink it down down down down.

When visitors in this hash appear,
And pay five bucks to drink our beer,
And offend all those who see or hear,
The cry goes out both far and near to,
DRINK IT DOWN
Drink it down
DRINK IT DOWN
Drink it down,
Speed of lightening, roar of thunder,
Chug it down, or show us Chunder,
Drink it down. . . . .

OPTIONAL SECOND VERSE:
When in this world the Hash Trash reads,
Of those who think they've come to breed,
And steal hash things from those who need,
The call goes out with blinding speed to,
DRINK IT DOWN,
Drink it down,
DRINK IT DOWN,
Drink it down,
Speed of lightening, roar of thunder,
Chug it down, or show us Chunder,
Drink it down. . . . .

WEDDING CEREMONY # 1
Contributed by Stray Dog, Global Trash
1. Dearly intoxicated, we are gathered here in the presence of the Pack to join this hasher and this harriette in holy mattress monkey.
2. Attesting to their dreary and lonely lives, they have now resolved to end each future hash by going home and getting lucky every time without need for self-gratification or technology.
3. We come to celebrate the end of their wanking ways and to cheer in the joy of sex outside masturbation.
4. (insert hasher's name), do you take this harriette for better or for worse, on the rag and in health, on bad hair days and good, to have and to hash with until death do you part?
(Hasher answers) "I do"
5. (insert harriette's name), do you take this hasher for better or for worse, in vomit and in shiggy, with his farts and his smell, to have and to hash with until death do you part?
(Harriette answers) "I do"
6. Please raise your beers and repeat after me. With this beer, I thee wed.
(Both) "With this beer, I thee wed."
(RA leads pack in a down-down song of his choosing or local tradition and the bride and groom drink at the appropriate time, after which . . .)
7. I now pronounce you hasher and harriette, doomed to spend the rest of your lives running the hash together. May you go forth and multiply, bearing many new little horrors to fill our trails.
8. You may now moon the pack.
(The pack showers them with spewed beer and hash as local tradition dictates.)

Dearly incarcerated, we are gathered here today to celebrate the bondage between Slave to the Mattress and Cold Cuts. This day signifies the end of the ability to come and go as you please, of freely ogling members of the opposite sex, of innocently flirting without repercussion, and of making that monumental decision, "Should I go to the hash?" without first wondering what your cellmate, I mean soul mate, already has planned.
Is there anyone present knowing of any reason why we should not consider Slave and Cold Cuts permanently sentenced to life in holly mattress moaning?
Cold Cuts, do you take Slave to the Mattress to be your hashing partner until the beer runs out?
And Slave, do you take Cold Cuts, to be your sole provider of vaginal stimulation until impotence sets in?
Cold Cuts, repeat after me: I, Cold Cuts, promise to be sexually satisfying, to be submissive or dominant at Slave's request, and to give adequate notification before farting in the bed.
Slave, repeat after me: I, Slave to the Mattress, promise to tell Cold Cuts to go to hell when he asks me to obey , to be understanding of his addiction with the hash, and to learn that velvet tongue technique as soon as possible.
May I have the handcuffs? These handcuffs are a symbol of Cold Cut's and Slave's sentence to life. A life of never ending trails of shiggy and whining hashers and twisted ankles and explaining to civilians what hashing is and separating hash socks from white socks and most importantly, beer and down-downs.
Please handcuff the couple.
A note for the fools! (song) Drink it down, down, down, etc . . .
By the power invested to me by the State of Drunkenness, I now mispronounce you harrier and harriette. You may tongue the bitch. Mazeltof!

WEDDING CEREMONY # 3
Contributed by Spinal Tap, White House HHHH

Dearly Besotted,
We've cum here (cum, who said cum, I'll have some of that) today to do a whole lot of drinking, partying, and making asses of ourselves. As part of the last activity, two of our favorite people have asked to be joined in unholy mattress monkey in front of their friends and co-degenerates. As one of the senior members of the DC area Hashing community (not counting DCH3, of course), I have willingly volunteered to make this ceremony as meaningless as possible.
I am being disably assisted today by my chorus of "AMEN" sayers. Please feel free to join in at the appropriate (or inappropriate, for that matter) times. AMEN!! (The chorus consisted of 8 people in choir robes, which I had purchased at a local thrift shop for about $2 each, just in case we might need them sometime)
(I read the new 'prayer' here..."Our beer, which art in barrels, etc")
As we come into this world unclothed, and without sin or shame, it is my firm belief that every important occasion in life should be celebrated in the same fashion. Let's face it...all of us have had very important occasions in life where clothing was totally irrelevant and unwanted. AMEN!! Therefore, will the happy couple please come forward and remove all your clothing? (You don't really have to, but I thought I'd give it a try). (Actually, the groom started to, but we stopped him before it got ugly)
(remove ice bag from cooler, place on top.)
Please be seated. AMEN!!
Please state your names and who made you cum. OOPS - that's for virgins, so you definitely don't have to do that. AMEN!!
The lucky [groom]. AMEN!! The not-quite-so-lucky AMEN!! Harriette is [bride].. AMEN!!
As I understand it, [bride] found [groom] lying in a muddy gutter after a normal Hash run and took pity on him. Unfortunately there was a water shortage at the time, so in order to clean off the mud she performed a 'golden shower' on his filthy body. He knew then that this was the woman for him AMEN!! After all, a woman whose piss tastes like Milwaukee's Best Light doesn't cum along every day AMEN!!
Although they realize that this joining together means the end of freely groping members of the opposite sex (ogling and leering are still OK), they have resolved to end each future Hash by going home together and getting lucky. AMEN!! AMEN!!
At this time I would like to quote from a book dealing with the pure love a man and woman can have for each other. Insert a reading from some book or other here (something you find in a little storefront shop, with painted over windows). Finish with AMEN!! AMEN!!
[groom] do you take [bride]. to be your wedded bimbo, for better or worse, on the rag or available, on bad hair days and good, through shiggy and pavement, at least until the rabbit dies? (Pause for "I do", and AMEN!!) And do you also promise to be always sexually satisfying, whether dominant or submissive? (Pause for "I do", and AMEN!!) And do you also promise to be understanding and supportive of all her whims, unless they interfere with Hashing? (Pause for "I do", and AMEN!!)
[bride]. do you take [groom] to be your wedded stud muffin, for better or worse, whether clean or covered with shiggy, at least until he starts to need Viagra? (Pause for "I do", and AMEN!!) And do you promise to be patient and give him all the help he needs to achieve tumescence (that's a hard-on, for you illiterates), even when it's frozen from sitting on the ice? (Pause for "I do", and AMEN!!) And do you promise to aid and abet his Hashing activities, and to provide bail money when necessary? (Pause for "I do", and AMEN!!) And do you promise to not bring home any blue dresses with cum stains on them? (Pause for "I do", and AMEN!!)
[groom] repeat after me. I, [groom], (groom repeats words) ... promise to love and lust after [bride]. ...through good trails and bad...through deserts and swamps...on or off the ice...in tents or in motel rooms...until she can't stand me any more. AMEN!!
[bride], repeat after me. I, [bride].,...promise to treat [groom] as well as I treat my dog...to welcome penetration at any time or in any place...to keep my teeth smooth...to spit discreetly...and to ensure there is always beer in the refrigerator... until someone better comes along. AMEN!!
The happy couple has requested a double ring ceremony...may I have the rings, please (cheap plastic handcuffs)? These rings are a symbol of the union of [groom] and [bride]. These rings are round, and remind them to do a lot of running around in circles, particularly on trail. As these rings join their bodies together, so does this ceremony join their souls together (not to mention heels and ankles). AMEN!!
May we have a beer for the lucky twosome? (Sing "Why Were They Born")
By the power invested in me by the [think of something, like the name of the appropriate Hash], I now pronounce you Hasher and Bimbo. You may tongue each other if you so desire. AMEN!!
You may now rise. Hashers and Harriettes, please form an aisle of honor for our happy couple. (pause...I and the AMEN chorus, get at the front of the aisle). Long and Chiquita, please honor us by proceeding down this aisle. Hashers and Harriettes, do as I do.
Form an honor guard of beer spewers. As they pass, spew beer (lightly) over them.

WEDDING CEREMONY # 4
Contributed by Slimie Limie, Kobe HHH, Japan

Dearly intoxicated, we are gathered here in the presence of the Pack to bond this hasher and this harriette in unholy mattress moaning.
RoxxOff, do you take this harriette for better or for worse, on the rag and in health, on bad hair days and good, to have and to hash with until the sake runs out?
(Hasher answers) "I do"
Sweet PeeCock, do you take this hasher for better or for worse, in vomit and in shiggy, with his farts and sake-breath, to have and to hash with until he can't get it up any more?
(Harriette answers) "I do"
Please raise your wine coolers and repeat after me. With this whine, I thee wed.
(Both) "With this whine, I thee wed."
Let's cut the crap and jump into bed.
(Both) "Let's cut the crap and jump into bed."
By the power invested to me by the State of Drunkenness, I now mispronounce you slave and master.
A note for the bonded! (song) Here's to the bonded,... etc. etc.
You may now moon the pack.

What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank,
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, wank, wank.

What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank wank.
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, wank, wank . . .

. . . and so on until offender completes a down-down . . . alternatively, the zicky-zacky chant can be performed whenever someone screws up a verse in a hash song (of course, the offending singer must immediately do a down-down while the pack chants). There are several substitutes for "zicky-zacky" if you get bored with the basic chant, as in: