Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Dear student,I apologize for attempting to contact you so early this morning. From now on I will only return your calls after 12 pm. Thanks to your informative voicemail I now know that 11 am is too early.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Dear Mr. Parent,I certainly enjoy my conversations with you. I enjoy the fact that I speak with you more often than I speak to your student. I also enjoy the conference call conversations that we have with your daughter where she cannot get a word in edgewise, despite how often I specifically address questions to her.I was particularly entertained that you call me when YOU are having a hard time registering your daughter for a specific class and you use the term "we" when speaking about the courses. As in, "so when we take this class it will fulfill this requirement..." and I cannot help but wonder how much of the class you are actually doing "for the sake of your daughter".I can only imagine how this kind of "help" is preparing your daughter to face life after college.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Dear Student,Thank you for your email regarding courses for fall. I cannot tell you how happy I am to look up every single possible class and each available section of each of these classes that might possibly work with your schedule. I know we put the entire schedule online, with the convenient "C" for closed classes, but I know how important this is to you and how much you would rather I just tell you what is available specifically for you.Given that I know your exact situation so well, including your work schedule, your preferred socializing times, what instructors you like and don't like, and what classes you prefer to take, it is a snap to just whip off this response that includes all the information that is too complicated for you to look up for yourself. But since I am here to work with you, and only you, it makes my day.

Dear student,Thank you for your repeated phone calling today. I could see your number on my caller ID and see that you called me every 5 minutes or so. I know I should have ignored the student in my office to pick up your call that was obviously so urgent and I apologize that I did not think to do that.Next time, please leave me a message letting me know what the urgent issue is and I promise I will call you back. Or better yet, when I see your phone number appear again on my caller ID I will automatically drop whatever I am doing to address your extremely urgent concern, the concern that was so urgent that you couldn't possibly leave a message.

About Me

The first thing you have to know about this blog is that I LOVE my job. I am an academic advisor at an open enrollment college. My letters, while sarcastic and seeming to make fun of my students is really just making fun of the experience of navigating higher education. I love working with students and I love the university where I work. That being said, there are some ridiculous moments. These letters are based on real experiences I have had as an advisor. I hope you enjoy.