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Ask the Sexpert: Stranded

Welcome to Ask the Sexpert! This blog series focuses on sex, sexuality, and relationships. Read on for BU Sexperts Sophie Godley and Dr. Teri Aronowitz’s honest, truthful answers to students’ scandalous questions.

Dear Dr. T:

My vagina has been on the drier side lately when I’m having sex with my boyfriend. I’m turned on, so I’m confused why I’m not wet enough. It is painful and uncomfortable for the both of us. Help!

– STRANDED IN THE DESERT

Dear STRANDED:

There are many reasons why you might not be lubricating. First, you need to think about whether there is anything different in your situation (e.g. Are you taking a new medication? Even certain birth control pills can cause this; Have you been drinking alcohol more/less than usual? Are you healthy? Certain physiological conditions can cause an inability to lubricate.) Second, you need to assess how you are feeling emotionally (e.g. Is there anything going on in your relationship? Have you been feeling stressed or depressed?) Start by talking to your health care provider to make sure you are physically healthy. In the meantime, you can try buying personal lubricant. Lube is a great tool that can make sex more enjoyable because it creates long-lasting moisture and reduces friction. There are a variety of lubes; try silicone- or water-based brands. Make sure to also stay in the moment while you are having sex (i.e. don’t think about homework, errands, etc.) If fact, you might try fantasizing. Oral sex can also help moisten things up, but make sure to lubricate both your labia and the penile shaft.

Dr. Teri Aronowitz has a PhD in Nursing and completed post-doctoral studies at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction. Her clinical and research interests focus on sexual health and she has authored many publications on this topic. She is an Assistant Professor at UMass Boston College of Nursing & Health Sciences, Adjunct Assistant Professor in the Department of Family Medicine at Boston University School of Medicine, and is a Nurse Practitioner at BU Student Health Services.

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