1.27.2010

Well let's start with the beginning of the story, as most stories normally start that way.

Kidz Bop is this pretentious little album that comes out every so often. It includes many "Top 20" hits of the year and is sung by kids. The target market here is mostly teenage girls and probably some younger boys. They have songs like Miley Cyrus and in the past they had Sugar Ray and N*Sync. I'm sure you've seen the commercials, but if you'd really love to refresh your memory, click here for the youtube link. But I will not be held responsible for your bleeding ears.

They have to know they're a joke... right?

My first complaint, as I'm sure you've realized I have a few, is that they spell it "Kidz Bop". No, not "Kids Bop" but "Kidz Bop". Now the "Z" was hip in the 90's but come on. They've released like 20 albums at this point and they've carried that stupid trend with them the whole time. Why? I'm serious, why? Stop it. It's enough.

Then I heard this little beauty on one of the commercials. That's right, "Party Like A Rock Star" by Shop Boyz (Another z on the end... god damnit). You'd imagine that they would have to change the lyrics to these songs to make them slightly less inappropriate for people who can't even buy the cd's without parental consent. But this is where my creative juices started flowing.. What if Kidz Bop intentionally released songs that were way too inappropriate for an 11 year old.

I wanna, li-li-li-lick you from yo' head to yo' toesAnd I wanna, move from the bed down to the down to the to the flo'Then I wanna, ahh ahh - you make it so good I don't wanna leaveBut I gotta, kn-kn-kn-know what-what's your fan-ta-ta-sy

One two three time zoom to the 6Jonesin for you picks of the Limp Bizkit mixSo where the f*ck you at punk?Shut the f*ck upAnd back the f*ck upBefore we f*ck this track up

And last but not least, my personal favorite, F*ck the Police, by N.W.A.

I don't know if they fa*s or whatSearch a ni**a down and grabbin his nutsAnd on the other hand, without a gun they can't get noneBut don't let it be a black and a white oneCuz they slam ya down to the street topBlack police showin out for the white cop

All for the Low Low Price of $19.95!

Then I got to thinking, "which would be funnier, an attempt at censoring these lyrics, or the actual profane lyrics with no cesor?"

2 comments:

top notch idea! My problem with this has always been, why not just buy your kids THE ACTUAL SONGS/ALBUM!! As an adult, I don't want an album "The Best of The Foo Fighters- as sung by the St Anthonys Choir". Why would I insult my kid that way??