I saw my new nephrologist for the first time yesterday. My kidneys are in very bad shape, but he can’t determine best treatment without more tests, one of them that will be extremely unpleasant so prayers would be welcome. Next appointment is Jan 27th to review results and plan next move.

Most likely thing is my kidneys are permanently damaged, probably by scarring from long-term analgesic use and auto-immune disease. The point they’re at now is so far gone that they will probably deteriorate to dialysis/transplant arena. Again, prayers!

I’m trying to keep firmly in mind that God healed my unborn baby from an untreatable, incurable disease and that NOTHING is impossible for Him. Plus, you know, joining suffering with Jesus on the cross for the salvation of sinners. Praying hard for humility and all that good stuff.

Leaning on Him hard and depending on prayers from my loved ones. I have a laminated copy of the Divine Mercy image “Trust in Jesus”. It’s my go-to place for when I’m feeling like I do right now … like I’m floating in a stormy, dark ocean with just a Mae West to keep my head above water, with waves crashing down on my face every few minutes.

I pray for you every day, Chrissy. God has enabled you to leave your home so you can get some kind of treatment for your kidneys in the first place. That is a miracle right there! He won’t let you down.

Local churches, groups and individuals have joined disabled rights organizations, faith-based groups and advocates for the terminally ill in opposing California’s End of Life Option Act, SB 128, which was introduced to the state legislature on Jan. 21…

I didn’t want to get out of bed yesterday. Fortunately, my oldest girlfriend came by. She and I meet at a support group for Environmental Illness more than 30 years ago, so we’ve been through a lot together. I told her about the nephrologist appt and said I needed a few days to process. She said, “A week at least! Then you will start researching and dealing.” It helped so much to be given permission to have my feelings for a while and she knows me so well, because research is exactly what I’ll do! 🙂

When the neph ordered a nasty test, I whinged about it and he said, rather coldly, “If that’s the worst I ever do to you, you’re a lucky woman.”

Well, buddy, that Tough Love thing doesn’t work with me. What works is what Karen did. Affirm my right to be upset and angry and depressed, cuz then, I totally buck up and keep on keeping on. It’s seems backwards, but it’s always been my way.

My birth family was big on Tough Love, which I always felt just diminished me as a person. I more than half suspected it’s often more about pushing the suffering person’s pain away than about addressing that person’s real needs.

Ditto euthanasia. Five minutes after legalizing our “right” to die, we are burdened with the DUTY to die by those who would rather be shut of our needs than pull up their socks and help.