Sunday, January 2, 2011

As much as I wish there were, there is no magic pill or answer for how to find my future spouse. Two unique individuals who find each other, like each other at the same time, and choose to love each other for the rest of forever is nothing short of a miracle. But until that time, what do those of us who are still looking do?

I can only really think of four things.

Be the Best You

Unless you're an axe murderer, you're probably a really great person and there is someone out there for you. So what if some people think you're too weird or too bookish or too loud? Even weird, bookish, and loud people can find love. Now, there are always things we can improve about ourselves, whether it's exercising more, learning a new talent, or being a better sister/friend/daughter, but as long as you're a fundamentally good person striving to be the best person you can be, good things will come to you.

Be Patient

Most of us will not marry the first person we seriously date. Most of us will have to wait longer than we wish we had to in order to find our mate. But it will happen. Someday. As Mormons, we do believe that if it's not in this life, it will be in the next, provided we did the best we could here. But it WILL happen! This one is particularly hard for me, because I want it NOW, but if I have to wait, I'll wait.

Be Kind

Dating sucks. There's too much uncertainty and weirdness and wondering. But we all have to go through it. We might as well be nice about it. If you have to turn someone down, do so politely. If you need to break up with someone, don't just stop calling or disappear, just tell them. We're all adults and we all have the capability of acting like it.

Take Risks

Only in p0rn does the woman of the house meet someone who just happens to be stopping by (delivery boy/mailman/etc.). The rest of us have to get out there and make a little effort. Be true to yourself, so if you're not the bar type, don't go to bars. But do something. Talk to that cute guy, go out with someone you'd never usually think of going out with, etc. Today, I asked a guy out for next weekend, and he said yes! Call me traditional, but I don't like asking guys out. I did it anyway, and who knows where it might lead?

Any other advice you may hear, even from us? Totally based on individual preferences and what worked for someone else. Take what you like, leave what you like. Just be the best you, be patient, be kind and take a few risks. The rest will work itself out.

I love what you said about being the best you and also about being patient. I do wonder sometimes if I'm too bookish or weird to find my dream guy... but then I think, You know, even people weirder than me have found their mate. So I guess that just goes to show that there's someone out there for everyone.

Maybe I'll meet Mr. Right tomorrow, maybe in 20 years, but I have a hard time believing that God would put a desire in my heart to be married without following through with a mate for me. I just need to be true to who I am and who God made me to be and some man someday will find that beautiful. It's hard, but I have to keep believing that.