Being Transformed

September 21, 2017

Hey there strangers! I feel like I’ve been gone forever, but I’ve been thinking of you for a long time. I have so much to share but wanted to make sure I was doing it properly. I’ve been out of the blogging/journaling world for quite a while but it still feels like home. You can’t connect with people on Facebook or Instagram the way you can with blogging. So here goes…

When something clicks I just want to share it with you. I am an Emerald ambassador with Plexus Worldwide and I was supposed to go to Maui this past week, however, we had no one to watch our kids so we were unable to go. It was heartbreaking, I won’t lie, BUT I’m so thankful we didn’t go. We went to church this past Sunday and the sermon was exactly what I’ve needed. I would have hated to have missed out on it. In fact, it’s something I’ve needed for years. I’ve had loved ones and friends trying to tell me this, but I just didn’t get it. This past Sunday it clicked. The pieces fit together perfectly and my mind began processing. Like a child trying to fit the triangle piece into the circle area, it just never worked for me. However, it was more of me not allowing the pieces to fit. I would push the piece away.

This past year had been hell. I’m not even going to candy coat that for you. In fact, the past five years have felt like the hurricane season of 2017. There hasn’t really been a relief and when I thought there was going to be I got walloped with something new. I’m still struggling to find my feet on the ground. Trust has become a thing of the past. Childish, really. I have come upon “believers” who are some of the scariest people I have come to know. There is a reason the Bible tells us not to trust man. You trust God, my loves, and that is it. I won’t lie, as soon as I have a friendship blossoming I have become trained to wait, to wait for the bomb to drop. Because something, I don’t know what, but something is going to happen. We are all broken people. Each and every one of us. If you see somebody’s “perfect life” online, I promise you, they’re hiding something or many somethings.

We drove to Whole Foods today (because really, that’s my happy place) and we began discussing music. Twenty One Pilots, to be specific. These lyrics are easily the strongest christian lyrics I have ever listened to. And so needed, especially for this young generation that needs guidance and advice. We found this on Pinterest and this says it all! And btw, I went to church with Josh, so yeah, they’re believers.

Get up Johnny boy, get up Johnny boy
Get up ’cause the world has left you lying on the ground.
You’re my pride and joy, you’re my pride and joy.
Get up Johnny boy because we all need you now.

We all need you now

I will carry all your names and I will carry all your shame
And I will carry all your names and I will carry all your shame
And I will carry all your names and I will carry all your shame

Instead of people arguing over what version of the Bible we must read to be considered a true christian we should be doing whatever we can to reach out to these hurting kids. When you see a show like 13 Reasons coming out and being as big a hit as it is you must ask yourself why. I can tell you I had to fight wanting to watch that because of the dark pit I resided in for the vast majority of my life. I came away from that show (only watched a few snippets) with a very different view than others. People hated it! And I get it, when you haven’t been through that hell you think it is their fault. But I tell you this, all I ever wanted to know was that I mattered. That I wasn’t just taking up space. I had plenty of people reminding me of how ‘not good enough’ I was. So when somebody would tell me I was enough, it felt like a lie.

Am I getting a little too real with you?

Back to church. Maybe this’ll click with you today, but maybe it won’t. I’m just going to share with you my thoughts. I’ve always thought you had to look a certain way. Be a certain size. Talk a certain way. Like the right music. Listen to the right preachers. Read the right books. Garden, you have to garden. Shop at Target. Make your bed every day. Talk a certain way. Vacation in the right places. Take the right pictures at the right time and share them immediately. You guys, I hate conforming. HATE IT. And honestly, that’s my favorite verse in all of scripture.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2

Even when I thought I was bucking the trend I would conform to the non conforming extremists. Therefore, conforming….again. Definition of insanity, y’all.

What I’ve been doing this past week is un-conforming. I may not like Pumpkin Spice Lattes, in fact I hate them, too sugary. If you like them, you rock that thing! I believed that I wasn’t good enough to talk about spiritual things or health things (2 of my passions), but I am exactly who God created me to be and He alone planted that desire in my heart and it is the enemy whispering in my ear, at every moment, that I will never be enough.

Months ago I was deeply struggling. Very deep. I remember my husband grabbing my shoulders, looking me in the eyes, and telling me over and over again “you are loved and you are enough.” If he saw my shoulders drop and the tears follow suit he’d say it again. He was telling me with such sincerity but the pieces didn’t match. And can I just say I am blessed far beyond what I deserve.

Even when I was naming this blog I thought I was doing something I shouldn’t. I was reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp and thought she would be upset if I used the word Eucharisteo. I remember being shocked that I was able to get the site name. Even hesitant to tell my site when I met her at Allume in October 2013. She is such a gift! Beautiful soul!

Here’s probably the craziest, I am now a Natural Health Professional in the process of becoming a Doctor of Naturopathy. I still ask if I’m allowed to share what I’ve learned. Cause in my head, you pay for your schooling, right? So how can I give away this information that they are selling? Gah, my head can be a bloody circus sometimes.

All of this honesty to come and tell you….it’s time for a renewing. To kick out all of those lies. To hold on to His truth. To get back in His word first and foremost. To stop living for everybody’s approval and to live for only His approval. To know that I am enough because He made me enough. He didn’t miss any ingredients (like I do when I try to cook). He made me perfectly me. Just like He made you perfectly you. There will be some people I can help and there will be some people I can’t. That’s ok. Some people have large audiences and some private parties. There may only be one person that reads this post but I pray, if that’s you, that you are blessed and encouraged to know that there is only one you. There are adventures the Lord has ready for you if, and only if, you trust Him. If, like I was, you don’t think you’re enough for Him to use then you’re listening more to the enemy’s lies than you are to your Father’s truth.

I’m tellin’ ya, the past five years has felt like I’m swimming with sharks against the current. And now I’m preparing to renew my mind. To renew it all. We should love who God created us to be. And give thanks to Him because you, my love, are His masterpiece. You are fearfully and most wonderfully made. Do not ever doubt that. There is somebody who needs to see and know the real you, not the social media you.

One thing I love about being a photographer is capturing the beauty that I see in people. You are far more beautiful than any filter. I just celebrated my 37th birthday. That is something I love doing! I don’t play the 29 Year Old game. 37 years is amazing! That is 37 years some didn’t get to experience. How can you not be thankful for the mountaintops and the dark valleys? This is your story and only your story. God did not give your story to anybody else. This is your story to tell. You are given experiences to help others. We are to link arms as brothers and sisters in Christ to make it through this world stronger.

For a return post I probably put five possible posts into one, lol. But all this has been on my heart and I had to share. I love you all and I’m excited to be back with you. I’ve also begun a new site regarding health. You can find me over at Restoring Moms on Facebook. All this rebooting and restoring. We need to cast out the old and start again! You are enough and you are loved. Share His love with others.