Sunday, 9 March 2014

My first post! Just a thought!

Hello hi!,

This is my first post and I am really excited, yay!!!. This is something that came to my mind after an encounter and I could not help wondering what the world would be like if it were different for men and women. So I wrote this little thought of mine, the setting is in Nigeria but I believe that many people, independent of your nationality, can relate to it. Enjoy... and share your own little thoughts, if you may:

Recently,
I overheard a conversation which I thought was funny but interesting. A group
of men sat together and were complaining of the challenges African men
(especially Nigerian men) faced to impress their women. A member of the group
spoke loudly, “I do not understand where they (women) expect us to get such
amount of money from. The way they demand, one would think we pluck money from
trees” “...or co-own a bank!” another concluded. The men laughed and talked more,
ranging from how they had to buy women expensive gifts including the latest
mobile phones and jewellery, as well as pay for shopping sprees and holidays,
and still look good as men. “The one I find the most annoying is that their
Brazilian hair, the cost is enough to buy bags of building cement!” Others
roared in laughter, “Seriously, it is not funny o”, he continued. “This is
exactly why men steal and get into trouble. These women should learn to pity us
sha”

As
I listened to them, I could not help but think about what the women would say.
I had just returned back to Nigeria from abroad and I was quick to observe “the
new look” for a lot of Nigerian women. Almost all the dark skinned women I had
known few years ago had suddenly become lighter in complexion despite the
increasing ozone layer depletion, resulting of course in more sunlight and heat
in the country. However, many women had found ways of evading the effects of
the burning sun, the scorch of which I had felt instantly from the moment I
arrived at Murtala Mohammed airport in Lagos. The new redemption for the women
was quite obvious though; they had subjected to the use of chemical products –
“skin toning creams” they called them. These creams were however bleaching
creams which ended up leaving patches of colours on the skin with time. I also
noticed that being skinny was fast becoming most women’s dreams and also, almost
every young woman I came across wore rather long hair extensions, high heel
shoes that they seemed quite uncomfortable walking in, cleavage revealing shirts,
cumbersome jewelry, alarming long nails and eye lashes, and very loud facial makeup.
The overall result was that many women ended up looking like different shades
of Michael Jackson and quite like “the joker” in the Bat Man movie.

What
had happened to our beautiful, curvaceous and ebony Nigerian women with thick
black afro hair, I asked myself. After all there was a common saying that “black
is beautiful”; so why did people want to alter their natural given black skin
and hairs for ones that did not even suit them. Why did these women feel to the
sudden urge to go half-naked and the need to go through so much discomfort to
keep up with fashion? These were the questions that went through my mind for
days but with my little curious mind, I set out to discover the answers; of
which I soon did. Just like the men felt the need to impress the women, these
feelings were mutual for the women too. The women I spoke to also complained
about how their men often compared them to the foreign women they watched on
the television, how the men wanted them to still look “sexy” after multiple
child births resulting to the fast rising skinny look in vogue and how majority
of the men preferred “yellow girls” (light-complexioned young women), thus the
skin-bleaching. Therefore, they (the women) had to step up in the game or else
they would be left single and even the married ones might be dumped for the
“fashionable” ones. It was puzzling to me how the words “sexy” and
“fashionable” now meant being lean and boisterous in our new generation. It was
also obvious that the men could barely tell the difference from the naturally
beautiful women and the women masked with make-up, nor could they tell the
difference between simple real gold earrings and cheap glittering long ear-fangs;
in fact the flashier a woman looked, the more appealing she was to them.

These
new observations spurred deep thoughts in my head with new questions. What if
these women did not feel the need to impress the men with high heels and
ridiculous bangles but rather with good manners and family grooming; what if
these men did not feel the pressure to lavish expensively on women even though
they knew they could not afford it but rather, showed genuine care and concern
for the women’s welfare? What if the women only combed their clean natural hair
and wore beautiful smiles on their faces instead of all the make-up and what if
the men appreciated the natural looks of their women and called them gorgeous? What
if fake looks and electronic gadgets were stopped being exchanged for attention
and sex? Maybe, people would be easier to read, things would be clearer to see
and competition for the wrong things would be reduced. Maybe, the efforts,
thoughts and time incorporated into unnecessary troubles could be channeled
into innovation and creativity for a better country. Perhaps, with less
worries, there would be more happiness. However, these will continue to be my
little thoughts until maybe people learn to be just simple. Just maybe!

27 comments:

You put my thoughts in writing. Lol. It's funny how I used to feel bad being called a 'lepa' (I still hate that word). I really don't understand why people will prefer to lose their "assets" just to get slim. If not for health reasons, it doesn't make sense to me. There is so much pretence and it's killing me... Anyway, congratulations!!! Hope you derive maximum satisfaction from expressing yourself and letting others do same through your blog. Cheers

Creative writing 101!, you can now have a wider audience for your short stories. I think the whole superficiality is the product of the western media, everybody wants to live the lifestyles of the rich and famous, and look like their photoshopped bodies, forgetting it's make believe.

Yes this is a masterpiece, where did the "black is beautiful" mentality go? These days men n women borrow looks from the so called "celebrities" all in d name of impressing one another, this situation is a major setback esp. In africa. I think if this thought of urs can come 2 play in d minds of d individuals, a great problem such as this would be a thing of d past.

As much as I agree with majority of what you have said, I beg to slightly differ in some cases. I have a serious problem with bleaching and fixed eyebrows as they always make you look eternally surprised, but I do not have a problem with getting a weave or make up. The key word here is MODERATION, you do not have to get eagle wing eyebrows or hair up to your calves but it is not wrong to do either of these. I for one, have always battled with very bad hair for as long as I can remember and getting a weave has always been the best solution.

Please remember that men are very visual creatures..How would a man know if you are well groomed if he does not talk to you, and how would he talk to you if he does not like what he sees.. I am not saying that you should be loud and over the top but you have to look good. The issue of weight loss I totally do not have a problem with because let us face facts, Nigerian people really know how to let go after marriage, women mostly after child birth because they all think "After all, I am married". This is very wrong. I am not saying you should starve yourself to be a Victoria Beckham stick figure but I am saying you should watch what you eat especially as eating any rubbish you crave can have an adverse effect on your health.

You should look presentable (please know that this goes for men as well as women). Looking trim is not a bad thing, especially as for most people it helps to boost confidence. What I am saying in a nutshell is that, if you have natural hair and you want to flaunt it, please feel free, I envy you but if you are like me and you don't abeg get your hair done. If you have plenty spots or scanty eyebrows or dry cracked lips, put some make up on. I will never support bleaching please stop especially lagos girls that have this bronze complexion (I have no idea where you guys buy your skin). Stop fixing those long eyelashes that look like emotional willie willie. Loose weight people!!!! it's good for your health stop deceiving yourself that you are okay being obese..

That being said, babe this is a very nice piece, I like it. It reminds me of my Surviving Lagos series..Keep it up. Welcome to the blogging world.

Sweet talk my dear friend. got nothing against doing any of those things but as you rightly pointed out, moderation is key. so i was referring to the alarming rate and ways with which they were being done. it almost felt like if a woman didnt do them at all, she would not feel desirable. as for bleaching, there is nothing like moderation, should be avoided completely and being healthy is good but one does not need to become skinny. thank you so much everyone for sharing your thoughts! xx

Its part of the general problem that a 'some' men are very visual but the solution isn't the shift in the dress code of africans that we have noticed....people still dress in very decent native attires that covers their body and look very attractive at the same time.

To summarise...you dont solve an addiction by supporting/encouraging it!

Umm if I get you right...I never at any point said you should be indecent in your dressing or look like a whore (for lack of a better word). You can look good wearing a mary amaka dress which also happens to be turtle neck.

Yes I think you're right and this applies everywhere in the world - and all throughout history! Men and women of all times (especially the latter) have strived to look good to the other sex. I think it is a natural instinct - it becomes an evil only when it overcomes common sense and one's own sense of dignity and worth. I believe that when a woman is aware of her own worth and respects herself with healthy boundaries, her beauty shines with a dazzling light. And this doesn't have anything to do with looks. Every woman is beautiful. I believe men sense that beauty and respond to it with admiration, respect and love in return. When people say beauty is within, they're right - it doesn't mean appearances are to be neglected, but rather than when you believe you are beautiful, you instantly come across as beautiful!

I like what you say about people being easier to read and greater happiness as a result. Simple is good. I couldn't agree more. Will come back for more of your posts! :) Love, Elena

Nice piece generally...and its funny that life is simpler and less complicated when you leave it as it is. It also surprises me that people pay more money for these shabby clothes than the "cheaper" decent ones. Hoping people change finally in the end

The thoughts of man are fleeting, shadowy and tempting. Do we truly have control over our actions? It is debatable, and it may a reach a philosophical dimension. As to whether our wishes alone are enough to cause things into action depends on your worlds view. We are shadows my friend. Not the real things. Like shadows we cast by circumstances and events that fall on us. We attach no meaning to shadows yet hold them to represent the form of things in a certain dimension.

If you learn to detach yourself from things..and see them only as shadows.. you would rest on the true substance of things. There is no shame, pain, joy, love and purpose...only the shadows there are. Feel empty without attachments to material things and you would find peace.

About Me

A little something about me, hmmm....I love to write (obviously, hee hee) so I decided to start this blog after a little push from my friends and family. Some people describe me as sarcastic and funny but I love to take myself serious, lol. I like hot yoga, i don't like snow, i'm still learning how to ...

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