GeekMom Zombie Apocalypse Countdown (17 Days to Go)

Welcome back, my zombie prepared friends. If you’re still with me on this countdown I am pretty sure you’re on the list of the committed. No, not the mentally committed (although we welcome anyone who has good ideas), the zombie committed. You know, the group of us who will still be around on December 22nd, to begin carving out the new world that is fertilized with zombie-remnant infested soil.

So today we’re going to talk weapons. Everyone has their own personal preferences, and everyone has their own ideas about which weapons are best, so I’ll put some ideas out there and you can decide for yourself. This category will be a perfect example of “survival of the fittest.” Whoever turns out to be right, on the best weapons to use against zombies, will be the last ones standing when January rolls around.

Before I share some ideas and links let me share with you a very simple idea, provided by a fellow GeekMom writer. The idea started with GeekMom Sarah suggesting that, in a pinch, you can use a family pet as a weapon (or at least a distraction) as you make your getaway. Something to remember, Sarah reminded us: “ Chances are they will not be affected should their skin be pierced and they will serve as a distraction long enough for you to find a weapon. Note: the animal in question will only trust you long enough for this to work once.”

All the good karma points you accrued by rescuing Fido from the animal shelter will pretty much be wiped out the moment you toss him into the pack of hungry zombies but hey, it’s a new world with new rules.

GeekMom Ariane took the idea a step further and suggested that hamsters might be the better option. If you are terribly attached to your family pet hamster, consider buying a dozen or so from the local pet store next week. Or just breed some of you own. They reproduce something like every two weeks, right? Or does it just seem that way when you end up with a male and a female after the teenage clerk at the pet store insists he’s sold you two males? Either way, tossing a few little critters to distract the pack of attacking zombies seems like a pretty good idea to add to your weapons list.

Now for some more hard core options that don’t require food or shelter before you use them.

The people at the Zombie Research Society (a great reference site, by the way), feel that blunt weapons are the tools of choice. At the top of the blunt weapons list is the common aluminum baseball bat. As they explain, “Bats are easy to carry and store, they don’t necessitate any advanced training to be effective, and they can be used to poke, cross-check, and strike equally.” If you don’t agree, feel free to read through the 302 comments posted by others who have similar ideas.

Time to jump over to the wonderful folks at ZombieTools.net. They firmly believe that a well made sword is your best bet. Why? In a nutshell, three reasons. First, they don’t require bullets, which you’ll eventually run out of. Second, bullets and gun accessories are heavy to haul around. Third, with a sword you can also fight off other humans who might have their eye on your last package of Ramen Noodles.

Here is a list from Cracked.com, of seven zombie weapons that you’ve seen in movies. It’s a pretty nice breakdown on how effective each one is, and why it won’t actually work.

Here’s one that I wouldn’t mind having on my list. It’s a zombie killing slingshot, officially called a Slingshot Zombiehammer, with a vicious hammer/ball on one end. Bonus feature: he’s built in an ejector lever so you can easily dislodge the spike from the zombie head and move along. The heavy ball on one end makes a nice counter balance when using the slingshot, easing the strain of your wrist. This guy thought of everything. This clip shows actual demonstrations of how this bad boy works, on things like particle board and melons.

Here’s another video, showing how you can take an average knife and jazz it up for zombie killing.

What’s your favorite weapon when it comes to saving yourself and the people you love from the mass zombie attack that’s headed our way? I’d love to know what your strategies are. And don’t worry – I live in the mountains of Colorado. Sharing your ideas with me won’t in any way decrease your odds of survival in your hometown.

Judy Berna is an amputee mom to four great kids, ages 12-21, and wife to her archaeologist husband. Along with writing for GeekMom, she has had a parenting column in her local paper and recently released a memoir about her elective amputation. See more at justonefoot.com