She has confirmed it, she's denied it. We have endlessly speculated on it. But today it ends: A British journalist went into a bathroom with Lady Gaga and emerged with proof that Lady Gaga has no penis. Or did she?

And she's going to take a picture with it! How do we know? She said it in a magazine, so it…
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The Times of London sent columnist Caitlin Moran to party with Lady Gaga after a Berlin performance. It is a long article, so we just scanned for the word "penis" and—lo!—we came across this passage. Moran and Gaga are many drinks in at a Berlin Sex club, when Gaga rises from the banquette they're sprawled on:

Gaga springs up, and beckons for me to follow her. Weaving her way down a series of corridors, we eventually end in – the VIP toilet.

"You're wearing a jumpsuit," Gaga says, with feminine solidarity. "You can't get out of one of those in the normal toilets."

As I start to arduously unzip, Gaga sits on the toilet with a cheerful, "I'm just going to pee through my fishnets!", and offloads some of those whiskies.

For the first year of her career, massive internet rumours claimed that Gaga was, in fact, a man – a rumour so strong that Oprah had to question her about it, when Gaga appeared on her show.

Perhaps uniquely among all the journalists in the world, I can now factually confirm that Lady Gaga does not have a penis. That rumour can, conclusively, die.

Scream it from the rooftops so that it may echo from every valley and mountaintop: Lady Gaga has no penis!

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Or... does she? After all, Moran's account is suspiciously scant on details. Without getting too explicit, let us examine this supposedly conclusive evidence: Moran is in ladies bathroom with Gaga. As we all know from Tootsie this itself proves nothing. Then Gaga sits on the toilet. This of course does not preclude a penis. Men sit on the toilet sometimes—especially men who want to trick journalists into believing they do not have a penis. Perhaps the strongest evidence is Gaga's statement that she "just going to pee through my fishnets." Again, without getting to gross about it: Could she have not just stuck her penis through the fishnets?

In the end, this account proves nothing. In fact, it's a little too tidy an ending for the great tale of Lady Gaga's Mythical Penis. Gaga's weird, but it seems out of her normal range of strangeness to force a journalist to watch her pee—even going so far as to declare "I'm just going to pee through my fishnets!" Almost seems performative... a penisless pee as imagined by the be-penised.