The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Monday, 9 July 2012

Tories Encourage Hospitals To Kill Elderly Patients.

Having successfully increased the suicide rate amongst the disabled, the Tory party has now managed to persuade hospitals to kill elderly patients to save even more money and fund their tax cuts for the rich. Starved of funds hospitals are desperately hastening the demise of elderly patients by denying them food and water. We asked a leading Tory spokesperson for the Party's reaction; "We're very proud that we can now off elderly peasants and save oodles of money to give to our rich mates. Of course this doesn't affect elderly rich people who have sufficient money to make sure they get the best of privatised care. This is confined to NHS patients who are, by definition, peasants and therefore don't count. Our next step will be euthenasia for all over-65 year olds who don't have at least £1 million in their offshore bank accounts. This will save not only on healthcare costs but also state pension payments. You have to be cruel to be kind and we are determined to be cruel to the peasants in order to be kind to wealthy people like me. After all we're all in this together."