6 yo Lying Issue

Hi, not sure if this belongs here. Just move to appropriate section & msg me the link. This place is quite confusing.

Anyway....We've been having some fibbing issues w/ our 6yo son. At first it was no big deal & i'm sure most kids tell small lies here & there. I'm quite stern & strict when it comes to this issue but try not to be so militant but more understanding.

I do not allow our son to Have Ice Cream or Icy Poles, anything of that nature because he tends to get sick after he consumes them. I obviously do not allow him to have any of those things while he is sick/coughing/sniffling etc. One time he came home from school, he had the sniffles & did not look too well. So i asked him several times if he had bought an icy pole @ school (they have icy pole day every Wednesdays). He answered numerous times that he did not. His mum asked him also several times and he answered the same. W/ my own little interrogation techniques i finally got him to confess that indeed he did. I told him we were very disappointed that he had lied to both of us but did not punish him since he owned up to it. I encourage honesty and even reward it even if they had lied prior - We still appreciate the honesty.

Any way that was near the start of the school year when it was still summer. Recently he has had a cold for almost 2 months. He did get better at the very start of the 2 months but oddly got sick when he was just getting better. So again i asked him wether he had bought an icy pole at school, telling him that his cold just improved and now he has gotten worse. I asked him more than a dozen times & he answered no each time. My wife asked him numerous times also & said no each time too. Weeks whent by and decided to ask him again wether he had bought an icy pole that time.....i asked him about 6 times & he answered no each time. So i decided to do my Daddy, tricky interrogating once more and finally got it out of him that he did again buy an icy pole @ that time when i asked him and he said no. He revealed he had burrowed money from one of his friends to purchase the icy pole.

I was extremely disappointed at that point @ let him know it. He lied to my face numerous times in a span of 2 minutes - not to mention the many times he lied to my wife and i weeks prior. I talked to him about the importance of honesty and how we encourage honesty in the house. I told him how very disappointed we were that he had lied to us so many times about it. I lectured him for over 15 minutes & also punished him for it. I believed he had gotten the point.

I was wrong................

Just recently he had gotten a little better. Today i picked him up from school and he told me his right ear was hurting. His nose was also constantly dripping and had to blow it every so often. In my mind i was thinking no way after that long talk would he have bought an icy pole @ school w/out telling us again. We also had parent teacher interview last Friday & we mentioned to his teacher in front of him about this issue. But i decided to asked him if he bought an icy pole anyway. Again he said 'no'. I have a good instinct for his lies (reason why i caught him out the 1st time) and had that sick feeling again. Any way, throughout the evening asked him numerous times if he had an icy pole.....answer was 'no' each time. All this while his constantly blowing his nose & complaining that his ear is hurting (pretty sure he has an ear infection). My wife comes home from work and she questions him about wether he had bought an icy pole because his getting worse again. He denied it each time. So i did my trick interrogation once more but this time did not work but i kinda caught him out a little, he slipped abit and something did not smell right. We left it at that and told him we believed him. But i knew something was up and had a really sick feeling in my gut.

........So i sent him to bed but said we'd play hangman before he sleeps. He was in a better mood after all that interrogating. My word was 'Icy Pole'. So while he was guessing letters he was having fun and i was trying to make him feel better about the whole situation. He was far more upbeat and happy. Once he guessed that the word was Icy Pole i whent in for the kill & got him to finally confess that he again lied and did indeed buy a chocolate billabong at his school tuck shop today.

HOW ABSOLUTELY SHOCKED,DEVESTATED, DISAPPOINTED & FRUSTRATED I AM. Wich lead me to post this, to not only vent but ask for some advice and thoughts on this situation.

Part of how i got him to confess was i told him "Son, you know that when kids lie the very following day you will wake up and both your parents will be gone & you'll have no parents".

Now i know that sounds pretty extreme & mean. I admit i did not feel good about it but i felt i had to resort to this measure as i knew something was up and i had to get him to tell the truth.

I also said that i could smell the chocolate billabong from his breath when i picked him up from school......He then did something strange and smelt his hand for a while and told me that you can't smell the chocolate billabong on his hand - it's these sort of thing that he does that is really suspect & gives him a way. This is how i know he is fibbing.

Anyway, i then thought what if he just wanted to tell me what i wanted to hear because i scared him about the parents being gone when he wakes up - so he 'faked-confessed' out of fear. Though i truly believe he did lie & he gave off alot of wierd and suspect words and actions to back that up i couldn't help but think what if he just said it out of fear but really he was telling the truth.

I just want to know how to handle this issue of lying. Is it really a big deal? should i just simmer down about it or is it an issue i have to tackle before it gets worse when they are older. Personally it's an issue that i believe should be taken seriously. Especially in this circumstance where he lied so much to both our faces.

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I doubt icy poles are the cause for all your kids illnesses. It might be best to look into other causes: appropriate clothing, dust at home/school, mould in the bathroom etc. A doctor should be able to help you out.

It sounds like you are quite aggravated by your child. Perhaps he is picking up on that and perhaps because of this he is too scared to admit the truth at the start. Relaxing and family bonding/fun times may help build the relationship and stop the lying.

Finally, your child is only 6. If you don't want him to buy icy poles at school don't give him money.

Are you for real?? Do you mean your son gets a cold after eating an ice-cream or that he gets physically sick (as in vomiting etc.)? Sorry, but you do realize that eating an ice-cream can't cause a cold right?? Also "Son, you know that when kids lie the very following day you will wake up and both your parents will be gone & you'll have no parents" is completely out of line! I can't imagine saying this to my children - how traumatizing! WTH??

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With all that interrogation I wouldn't tell you the truth either. Lying about parents disappearing is disgraceful! If your son is getting sick from an icy pole or icecream I would be having allergy testing done.

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I think it's normal for children to tell white lies. Your son probably sees his friends eating icy poles and just wants to fit in. At that age it would be hard for him to really understand the connection between him eating something he enjoys and feeling sick. The enjoyment of eating the icy pole out weighs his discomfort afterwards.
I'd reiterate that those foods make him sick etc and leave it at that. If he complains about the sore ear etc remind him what caused it. I wouldn't punish him further.

Part of how i got him to confess was i told him "Son, you know that when kids lie the very following day you will wake up and both your parents will be gone & you'll have no parents".

Now i know that sounds pretty extreme & mean. I admit i did not feel good about it but i felt i had to resort to this measure as i knew something was up and i had to get him to tell the truth.

I also said that i could smell the chocolate billabong from his breath when i picked him up from school......He then did something strange and smelt his hand for a while and told me that you can't smell the chocolate billabong on his hand - it's these sort of thing that he does that is really suspect & gives him a way. This is how i know he is fibbing.

Anyway, i then thought what if he just wanted to tell me what i wanted to hear because i scared him about the parents being gone when he wakes up - so he 'faked-confessed' out of fear. Though i truly believe he did lie & he gave off alot of wierd and suspect words and actions to back that up i couldn't help but think what if he just said it out of fear but really he was telling the truth.

I just want to know how to handle this issue of lying. Is it really a big deal? should i just simmer down about it or is it an issue i have to tackle before it gets worse when they are older. Personally it's an issue that i believe should be taken seriously. Especially in this circumstance where he lied so much to both our faces.

I'm sorry I don't mean to be rude but this post worries me. Are you suffering stress with work or personal issues?

Telling your child his parents will be gone the next day if he lies is horrible.

It sounds like you are obsessed with this issue and controlling your child's responses. I'm not saying this to be mean, I'm just not sure if you realise that's how you might be coming across to some people.

A doctor should be able to refer you to someone who can help, whether it be a cold specialist, behavioral specialist or relaxation therapist.

I think the bigger issue might be you and your persistence to catch him out lying. What kind of example are you setting? You manipulated him by lying to him yourself and told him if he lied his parents would disappear. That is a horrible thing to make a child believe and it won't gain his trust. Maybe if you relax a bit about letting him buy a treat at the tuck shop every now and then he may no longer feel he has to lie to you about sneaking ice creams.

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