Do You Need a Girlfriend?

So do you need a girlfriend? Or for the ladies, do you need a boyfriend?

Single people:

Somehow, you asked that question to yourself. Didn’t you? Probably, most people will say, “Of course you do.” While a few may say, “Well, you can live without one. And why would you need someone that will just bring problems in your life? To think, she (or he) is not even in your bloodline!”

What do you think?

Let me speak here not as a relationship expert, but simply as a young man, single and free (and happy!), who speaks about this interesting subject once in a while. (My main audience: myself – but I think that others need this message, too, so here you go.)

As a single young professional working in Makati, away from my family, I do things on my own. For example, I do my some of my laundry (while I ask the laundry woman to pick up the most) and I do ironing. As I do these things, people around would say, “Time to get a girlfriend!” Others even say, “Time to get a wife! So someone can do your laundry, ironing, cooking, cleaning, etc.”

Sometimes I tell them, “If that’s the reason for having a girlfriend (or wife), then maybe I’ll just hire a maid!” But they don’t get it. So most of the times, I just smile and keep silent.

Or there is this young single lady who frequently brings viand for lunch and shares it to her officemates. Deliciously made! The added value – she cooks it herself! And people around would say, “Ang sarap. Ang galing mo naman magluto. Pwede ka nang mag-asawa.” (Delicious! You cook so well. You may marry now. Maybe, this mentality is also rooted in our Filipino culture.)

But these would be shallow reasons to get a girlfriend (or wife), don’t you think?

Normally, singleness at this age doesn’t really concern me much. At certain times, nevertheless, I also get shocked by circumstances when they seem to tell me, “You are single! Maybe, it’s time to start connecting more to the outside and find the one.”

The introvert that I am don’t really get to connect to “the outside” in social scenarios. At parties, for example, you can talk to me and I respond but I don’t usually initiate conversations. People like me tend to think inwardly and process things inwardly and just think and think and think. Leave them in a corner and they won’t bother. I suppose, this is where “silent waters run deep” came from. But mind you, they also love so deep though this may often remain unexpressed during the early stages. But this does not mean that they are shy or coward – they may just be taking their time considering and reconsidering the repercussions of whatever action they may execute or they may be looking into things in the long-term – which calls for a longer pondering time.

An extrovert, on the other hand, tends to get connected instantly to the outside world. Based on observation, they also are the ones who immediately gain new “friends” – and one of these “friends” will eventually (sometimes, instantaneously) become a girlfriend (or her boyfriend). Well, you may dispute this claim and I don’t insist it either, though you may just want to consider.

But amidst all these personality factors, being in a relationship is not about being introvert of extrovert. While they do affect how we connect with other people, the bottom line is that having a girlfriend (or a boyfriend) is not about having them for your use or utility nor about that unexplained random feeling you felt the first time you saw her (or his) face.

Image courtesy of photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

As they say, you come to love someone not because you need her (or him). Hey, don’t get me wrong! It would be wonderful to have a super-cook at home or perhaps someone who does or gives a lot – but this should only be the bi-product, not the main product.

It is also not merely about feelings – the feeling of falling in love. While emotions cannot be discounted, it should not be the sole basis of getting into the boat. Yes, emotions are powerful and can spell a difference but they do fade, too. What makes it last is the decision to make it last. Falling in love maybe triggered by an emotion, but the act of loving is of a decision.

Seems so huge to swallow, huh? We may see this claim (this fact) as something gigantic and overwhelming. Well, it does and I admit it, I’m overwhelmed! But why so bother if love can conquer all? With it, I suppose, you can make it through.

So what should you take away from this random article from a random single young man?

It is this – have a girlfriend (or boyfriend) who you will eventually marry (after some years or many years for the others):

– not just because you need them (Utility-based relationship is not healthy.)
– not based on feelings alone (It can be the trigger but it doesn’t necessarily make it last.)
– but from a decision well thought of.

And as a man (an introvert or extrovert, or whatever personality you have), when you “find” the one and when you are ready to be the one for that someone, be a man – stand up, extend your hand, and ask for her hand.

Live your life, young mind!

Chris Dao-anis

PS:

But how can you find the one? Share your views on the comments section below.
By the way, do you agree or disagree with this post? Feel free to express yourself, too.

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Published by Chris Dao-anis

Chris Dao-anis, CPA, DTM is an inspirational speaker, leadership trainer, recollection master, book coach, and public speaking coach. He authored five books to date, including SPEAK: How to Craft and Deliver a Speech or Presentation with Competence and Confidence. He has been of service to different audiences across the Philippines. He aims to help you convey your message, sell your story, and lead people.
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