The List: Top five competitions we'd like to see at the Farm Show

Sure, that's a nice butter sculpture, but what would someone with absolutely no artistic ability be able to make? Dan Gleiter, The Patriot-News

Welcome to The List, a new feature on PennLive where we offer up a weekly (and hopefully entertaining) inventory of thoughts and things relating to news and events taking place around Central Pennsylvania and beyond.

Sure, the sheep sheering, drill teams and baking contests at the Pennsylvania Farm Show are all fun, no question. And the addition of events like Cow Chip Bingo certainly brought a smile to our faces. But, thanks to our short attention spans, we crave even more farm-related amusement. That being the case, here are five competitions we'd like to see the folks included in next year's Farm Show schedule.

1. The Farm Show obstacle course. Make it from one end of the Farm Show complex to the other without being bumped, jostled, elbowed, smacked, manhandled or even brushing up against anyone in the crowd. On a Saturday. At lunchtime. Extra points if you're carrying a backpack or other equipment. Winner gets a year's supply of milkshakes.

2. Amateur butter sculpturing. Why leave it to the so-called professionals? Give contestants three sticks of butter and a plastic knife and have at it. For an extra challenge, they can carve their sculptures in room temperature, fighting rapidly against the elements. It would give the whole proceedings an added, poetic flavor (though the judges would have to come to their decision rather quickly).

3. Rabbit sled racing. Having seen "The Hobbit," we are certain this can be a reality. Just hitch up a team of cute bunnies to a carriage or sled and let them race around the large arena a few times. The rabbits will love it. Trust me.

4. Sale of lesser champions. Why should all the healthy, attractive animals win ribbons? The whole thing smacks of discrimination. It's time for the uglier, scrawnier animals to get the chance to become delicious food.

5. Sinkhole square dancing. You know what would make square dancing even more exciting? Trap doors that open at random. It would save the judges a lot of hassle as well as the last couple standing would be the winners, regardless of dancing ability.

What sort of contests -- silly or serious -- would you like to see at next year's Farm Show? Let us know in the comments section below.

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