Will you make it until midnight this New Year’s Eve?

I’m reconvening the Order of the Loser Parents Who Didn’t Get a Babysitter. I wrote last year about New Year’s Eve and how it highlights my steep plunge in coolness in the last seven years. Not only do I now stay home on New Year’s Eve, it has become an epic struggle to stay up until midnight without falling asleep.

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In 2010, this led to a live blog and some very funny responses from parents, many of whom signed off in the comments well before the clock struck midnight.

Let’s try again tonight. If you’re planning to stay home, put the kids to bed early and fight the sleep monster, please make The Poop the support group to your sad festivities. (As always, adults without kids are welcome, too!)

I’ll be updating my New Year’s Eve consciousness progress on this blog post and on my Twitter account — you can follow me @PeterHartlaub. And this year, I’m upping the ante. I’ve given permission to my wife to take an iPhone picture of my unconscious body and post the image on Twitter if I don’t make it until midnight. It’s already going to be tough. I haven’t gotten much sleep this week. But to make this interesting, I’ll take a Benadryl at 10 p.m.

Please let us know how you’re doing in the comments. East Coasters can get an early start. I’m going to update my progress on this blog, but will post photos and any remote updates on Twitter. (If you’re not on Twitter, you can still check out my feed at www.twitter.com/peterhartlaub.) I’ll start the hashtag #NewYearLoser so I can keep track of your Tweets.

Updated! 6:30 p.m.: Just ate about two pounds of pork tenderloin, and the resulting full belly drops the over/under of my bedtime to about 10:50 p.m. I’m heading to my friend Brett’s house with my 6-year-old because 1) Brett built a full-size arcade in the back of his house; and 2) I need to defend my high score on Food Fight. I’ll be back around 8:30 p.m., but look on my Twitter feed for updates in between. Good luck East Coasters!

Updated! 8:47 p.m.: Just got home from Brett’s arcade, and the Sleep Monster has already taken its first victim. (As seasoned Poop readers know, the Sleep Monster = Peter’s super-comfy brown leather couch.) The 3-year-old is out. I’ll post a photo on the Twitter page. One down, three to go …

Updated! 9:12 p.m.: By the way, Ryan Seacrest should host next year’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve at the Walgreens on High Street in East Oakland. That place is hopping on New Year’s. It was a madhouse when I drove by 20 minutes ago, but I may have to go to replenish our supply of Ben & Jerry’s Imagine Whirled Peace.

Updated! 9:32 p.m.: Decided to stop jamming bowls of ice cream into my face, but I just turned the heat up to 72 degrees in this bitch. I’ll show my wife how to upload my iPhone photos into Twitter just in case I don’t make it until 10 p.m.

Updated 9:52 p.m.: Feeling new motivation to stay up until midnight after reading Tweets from East Coast about how orange Dick Clark’s skin looks. Just poured a Mountain Dew, which after long day, full belly of pork and two bowls ice cream will probably have zero effect. I did break in my new carbon freezing chamber Han Solo ice cube tray. I’ll include a photo below.

Updated 10:26 p.m.: I just took my contact lenses out, worried that I’d fall asleep and begin 2012 with them glued to my eyeballs. The iPhone/Twitter photo instructions are kind of complex and my wife has had a glass of wine. So if I fall asleep early, and an image doesn’t show up on Twitter, look for the photo on this blog post first thing in the a.m.

Updated 10:58 p.m.: Still up! Wife and I are trying to rally. Only thing keeping me up is Mountain Dew and the desire to see Dick Clark’s freakish orange skin in HD. Maybe we’ll play Battleship. My son got me that for Christmas. Hoping it’s more fun that it was in 1981.

Updated 11:39 p.m.: I’m still awake. An uncontrollable cough developed about 20 minutes ago, I suspect an asthma-related condition related to my barbecue this afternoon. I regret nothing. The pork tenderloin was excellent.

Updated 11:53 p.m.: Wife is asleep. I’ve been warned more than once not to take pictures of her and post them on Twitter. I don’t see why she doesn’t trust my judgment on these things. I totally would have wiped any drool away.

Updated 12:02 a.m.: Happy New Year! Less gunfire than usual in my little corner of E. Oakland. Hoping that’s a sign for good things in 2012. Thanks for staying up with me. I’m going to sleep.

PETER HARTLAUB is the pop culture critic at the San Francisco Chronicle and founder of this parenting blog, which admittedly sometimes often never has nothing to do with parenting. You can follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/peterhartlaub.