Shutdown! Things’ll be Great When You’re Shutdown!

Gotta admit, I’m kinda pissed, Resisters. I was supposed to go to a 9-dollar-per-plate Boston Market dinner last night, but noooooooooooo! A certain spray-tanned, sphincter-faced assclown had to shut down the government!

Maybe all of Washington is ineptly bumbling through an unnecessary, self-inflicted, crisis, but at least we can take comfort in knowing that Mick Mulvaney is enjoying himself! See, Mick found that he’s the lucky boy who actually gets to shut down the government, and that’s “kind of cool!”

“There’s a big green button you get to push and all these gears grind to a halt as confetti falls from the ceiling and dancing girls come out of, like, NOWHERE, and you get a special cupcake and a paper hat and a gift certificate to Chuck E. Cheese’s, and IT’S ALL FOR MULVANEY!”