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Tuesday, 30 May 2017

Dear Diary, I'm The Biggest Hypocrite Ever

Few mornings ago as I sat down and reflected on my struggles with sin, I wrote this on my private diary.

Say What You Do

I'm probably the biggest hypocrite who blogs. I act very religious and talk about loving God with all my heart, but I end up doing things that I'd be embarrassed to even admit.

I know I shouldn't do it, but I did.

I am now a mystery to myself. I don't even understand how I think. I am baffled by my own experience. I am driven by motives and urges I don't even understand, let alone control.
Why am I so apt to do the opposite of what I know I should do? Why am I so quick to lie? Why don't I love my neighbour right? Why am I so prone to wandering off the path the Lord has set before me?

I’m a Christian, and I’m a hypocrite.

I want to change.

I need a change.

God loves me, I know. But He hates what I am doing. And the reason He hates what I'm doing is because He knows just how much I am hurting myself by living this double life.

I want to stop hurting myself.

I want to stop.

Lord, help me . . .

* * * *

Have I been perfect? No. Do I struggle? Yes. Have I fallen? Many times. But His love never let me go.

Don't feel condemned. The truth is, your struggle against sin is a huge clue that the Spirit of God is working in your life.

"If I had a mind to brag a little, I could probably do it without looking ridiculous, and I’d still be speaking plain truth all the way. But I’ll spare you. I don’t want anyone imagining me as anything other than the fool you’d encounter if you saw me on the street or heard me talk."