(Closed) Anyone else have an annoying roommate? (rant)

My SO and I have been together for five years. Two of them were when either both of us or one of us was in high school. We planned to move in together pretty much once I graduated from high school and got settled at school, but my university ended up being a pretty good distance from his, so we decided to stay at home until he graduated (May 2013). After crunching numbers, we decided that we should get a two bedroom and then have a roommate because we did the whole “budget for more than you plan to spend” thing, and I apparently budgeted for WAY more than what we are spending now, but that’s not a bad thing!

SO knew a guy from work who was also looking to move out. He has known this guy for about three years, and he’s always gotten along well with him. We all hung out a few times together, and seemed alright enough haha.

We moved in together this past August, and things the roommate started doing have been annoying from the beginning.

-He never cleans anything EVER. He has his own bedroom and bathroom. I had to go into his bathroom a few weeks ago, and it definitely hasn’t been cleaned since we moved in. He doesn’t even own any cleaning supplies. There is an orange ring around the sink drain and the toilet is gross. I never have to use this bathroom, but I know my SO and I will probably end up having to deal with it since we will most likely live here longer than he will. He also doesn’t clean up in the main area. If he uses a dish he will wash it right away, but he generally leaves crumbs everywhere and just a trail of random stuff.

-He never takes out the trash which is like a major chore in our complex. We live on the side completely opposite of the trash compactor, so it’s either a long walk or you end up having to put gross trash in the trunk of your car. It’s hard for me to do it on my own especially since we live on the outskirts of a semi-bad town. Even though our neighborhood is safe I do get scared walking with my hands full alone. SO and I end up doing the trash together. I know as two people we make more trash, but he drinks gatorade like it’s going out of style, so almost all of the recycling is his. The other day while my SO was at work I got fed up with it and took down the overflowing trash and recycling. By the time I got back the recycling bin was already filled to the brim again because he had basically been keeping empty containers in his room until one of us emptied it.

-I have a small dog who is 13, and he’s on his last leg of life. I don’t really expect him to be here for much longer because he really isn’t doing well. I also have a lizard who is contained to a tank in my SO and I’s bedroom. My dog usually follows me around when I am home. When I leave I contain him to my bedroom/bathroom because his bed, food and water is in there. He basically is never a bother to the roommate. One time he followed RM into his bedroom because he was eating in his room and left the door open, but that was about it. RM complained about how SO and I don’t take care of our pets, they are annoying, etc. He never said anything to our face about it, but he complained through text to SO and said some pretty mean things about me that weren’t true because he didn’t know I was reading the texts as they were coming in.

-I was doing all of the grocery shopping and we were splitting them three ways. I buy pretty much the cheapest stuff possible, and I always asked him if there was anything that he wanted in particular and would make sure to buy it. I also made enough for him to eat or have leftovers at dinner if I was cooking. I ended up spending about $300/month, so $100/person which is REALLY cheap for our area. He texted my SO about a month ago saying that he doesn’t want me to include him in the grocery bill anymore because he doesn’t feel like he is eating $100 worth of groceries every month. I feel like I’m now watching SO and I’s food supply to make sure he isn’t still eating our stuff. He also hoards his food in his bedroom which makes me worry about bugs or spills on the carpet.

-He has his friends over ALL.THE.TIME. They workout together at like 9:30 PM, but then come back to our apartment. It really wouldn’t be a big deal, but they get pretty loud and obnoxious. It makes me worry not only for my SO and I trying to sleep since we have to wake up for work, but I don’t want to receive a fine for their loudness so late on week nights. They also pretty much take over the entire apartment when they are here. My SO’s TV and video games are in the common area, so we figured that RM would want to use that stuff which is fine. The problem is if SO and I are sitting down watching a TV show and these guys come in it’s pretty much done. They will sit near us and talk loudly until we finally leave the room and then they start playing SO’s video games. He is fine with it, but he’s very particular about his stuff as a lot of it is vintage and expensive. They got dirt all over his controllers, and he asked them to wash their hands next time since they were at the gym. Now they make fun of him for it. He also gets upset that they don’t actually ask to use any of the stuff, and he never gets to play his games now either because they’re always here. We don’t have enough room in our bedroom for a TV plus all of his games, so they have to stay out in the livingroom. Last night they were playing until midnight, and I had to be up early for work.

I know there’s not much you bees can do, but I figured it would be nice to hear about other situations, or get some advice on what we can do. We are pretty much stuck with this guy until next August because he is on our lease, so we can’t ask him to move out or anything. We decided pretty much in September that we would be telling him we won’t be renewing the lease with him in August. It’s nice having the extra $500 a month, but not really worth the stress. We like the complex we are in now, so we would either ask him to just move out of this apartment, or we would ask our leasing office to move us into another apartment in the same complex if he gave us any issues. It’s just so frustrating. Luckily the year seems to be flying by already, but it gets old quick when he makes comments about how I always seem to do everything around the apartment (DUH!)

@beetee123: All I can say is, I sympathize. I had some awful roommates in my late teens/early 20s too. It’s just a part of growing up for many people. I tend to favor direct, non-emotional discussions, maybe a twice monthly “house meeting” to make sure the place is staying clean and hygenic and that everyone is getting enough sleep. Its seems like a lot of your communication with this guy hasn’t been as direct as it could be. In your future conversations, don’t try to bring up his past errors, focus on saying, “In the future, can you please make sure to….and I will make sure to keep my dog out of your room (or whatever trivial thing you do that might annoy him).” As far as use of the common space, maybe your SO can ask for a weekly video game night if he finds it too uncomfortable to speak up and ask if he can play with your roommate has friends over. I do think it’s fair for your and your SO to do your own shopping, just be sure to label your food and keep track of it. If he borrows the occasional ingredient, it’s probably not worth the argument. If he’s chronically taking your food without asking, then ask him to contribute to the grocery bill again. As for him eating/keeping food in his room, well, if there are cleanliness issues with his room, then it will be his responsibility to pay for it. :/

I agree that there doesn’t seem to be a fair way to ask him to leave -although if you two start imposing stricter rules about cleanliness and use of the shared living room space, he might want to leave on his own!

Just think of how far that monthly $500 bucks can go once you and your SO have your own place!

Next time he says something about how much you do, ask him nicely to do some jobs!

@kenziemt: Thanks for the reply! It just is difficult because I am very non-confrontational in nature, and I also feel like most of this stuff should be a given. About the groceries, he just assumes that everything costs basically nothing. He kept using our toilet paper and paper towels like those don’t cost any money. We started having to factor that into his bill as that is a major expense. It’s just a hassle for me to have to go through receipts to pick out all of the things that we all use instead of just being able to divide it evenly. It’s especially annoying when he goes out anyway and buys the exact same things we already have.

@beetee123: We also have a roommate, a female one. We live in house, so there is more space. I don’t really have cleaning or issues with her being loud. This is how we do it.

– She buys and cooks her own food. Since she doesn’t have a car, we all go together on grocery day which is every 10 days. This is the only chance she gets. I gave her a space in the refrigerator and pantry. We do not place anything of ours there. She needs to clean after herself and wipe counters. Sometimes, I must admit, she doesn’t do a great job, but I am ok with that.

– I let her clean her own bathroom. Since for the moment, it only the three of us, I don’t mind much about the condition of it. She cleans it sometimes.

– She rarely takes out the trash, but since we do not make a lot of trash, we can handle it.

– She doesn’t clean the living room, etc. so I end up doing the common areas.

-She is allowed to bring guests, but since I have two cats, I asked her to tell me a day before hand, so I can take care of my cats, move them whatever.

My advice:

– Make him buy his own groceries and let him cook his own food. Otherwise, you will have to do this over and over. Budget for you guys only. Separate the food, etc.

– Ask him to throw out the trash at least once a week or depending how often you guys have to do it,

– I understand that since you guys have separate lease/or not, he may feel entiltled to do what he pleases. I find it rude that he and his friends a super loud to the point that you guys have to leave the living room. I would say restrict the hours and the number of friends that can come, but I am not sure that would work in your case.

Bottom line- if you guys are not happy with him around, ask him to leave. Give him a few months to find another place. Either he changes or leaves. Good luck!

P.S. I know the money is really nice and helps a lot. Right now I am debating whether this is worth more than having our complete privacy. We would like to start TTC soon, and let me tell you, it is not fun when you have someone next door.

Ugh I am so sorry! Is there any light at the end of the tunnel? Do you know when he’s leaving?

I thought I would make it out of college without ever having shitty roommates. WRONG. I had to find randos to live with this semester because I had one awkward extra semester and needed to find people okay with me leaving in December. I found them! But they are so awkward! And terrible!

One of them (J) is so unbelievably awkward that it actually blows me away. One time I told her I was going on a root beer float date with Fiance and would be back later. We get to the A&W and she is there waiting for us because she wanted to tag along. Um? This same girl a few weeks ago took my FAVORITE candle off the warmer and DUMPED IT DOWN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL because she thought candles weren’t any good anymore after they turned all liquid …. ?! She called me seven times while I was at work on Friday and so I thought there was a legitimate emergency, but really, she just couldn’t find her laptop charger and I was like DON’T CALL ME AT WORK FOR SHIT LIKE THAT DUDE I DON’T KNOW WHERE IT IS OMFG and hung up and she called me back to say that she was having an anxiety attack and I was so mean to her she cried so I should feel bad. Ok. She called the cops on our neighbors for parking in “her” spot in our shared driveway.

The other (K) is a habitual liar about everythingggggggggggg and I seriously pick up on a white lie almost every day. Some of the most annoying lies were ones she told to my Fiance to look cool which made me SO MAD: she said she speaks three languages fluently, that she has a concealed weapon’s permit, and that she almost died of brain cancer (it was her SISTER who almost did, I found out later from mutual friends what a psycho!!!!)

They don’t know how to load the dishwasher – they will load up the dishwasher with their pots/pans and leave a sink full of plates to run the next day, so we are always behind on dishes which really stresses me out. I always tell them to wash big stuff by hand so we aren’t constantly swimming in a pile of dishes, but they don’t.

I’m apparently the only one capable of taking the garbage out and oh, did I mention I’m on crutches with an ACL tear?! They don’t do anything. It’s almost amazing. But they think I’M the messy one because for some reason their rooms are meticulous and they make their beds every day …. I would do that too if I didn’t spend every evening cleaning up all their messes from the day!

@candy11: Thanks for the advice! I’ve tried telling him that he can put his stuff in the main area since neither of us will touch it. He has the worst diet ever which consists mostly of canned soup, gatorade and vanilla yogurt, so I’ve tried explaining that neither of us really want any of that anyway, but he still insists on keeping anything that doesn’t have to be kept cold in his bedroom. This is weird for me as that was not allowed in my house growing up. I know that technically there’s no difference between a shelf in his bedroom and the shelf in the pantry, but I just don’t like knowing that he leaves behind crumbs.

I can understand where you are coming from trying to find some privacy. He mostly kept to himself in the beginning, but his girlfriend recently broke up with him and he has become super needy. He is always nagging us or sitting around us talking for hours on end. It got to the point the other day where my SO and I wanted to have sex, but we decided we should wait until the next day since RM would be at work and we could actually have some privacy. We were afriad he would pretty much be waiting for us in the living room when we got finished LOL.

Oh and also, J has eaten my entire half-gallon of ice cream, then apologized and bought me a new one, then ate the new one before I had a chance to (this is approximately a 36-hour total event) ….. at LEAST three times that I can remember. I don’t care about her eating my stuff if she replaces it but omfg.

Also, the day J moved in (I moved in first) she dumped down the drain all of the cleaning products I had just bought … dishwasher detergent, laundry detergent, 409, windex, scrubbing bubbles, air freshener sprays, etc etc etc …. and replaced them with her own eco-friendly products. She said “I’d prefer if you just used my products because I am not okay living in an environment that is causing damage to the earth.”

why didn’t you tell me that before I moved in and bought all this shit? Also, dumping it down the sink is totally counter productive. She just loves to dump stuff down the sink I guess – like the wax!

@beetee123: lol! We just have to do it quietly. She goes to school but since her classes are in the afternoon, she wakes up late and goes to bed late. So no way we can wait. She comes home rather early since she doesn’t have a real job and wants to know everything. I was ok for a while but can get annoying. She asks all kinds of personal questions.

@208bride: OMG, that sounds terrible! I’m glad you will be able to get out of there soon! The light at the end of our tunnel is August 2014. I’m just glad that we are busy, so the months aren’t dragging out or anything.

My RM’s latest thing doesn’t have anything to do with the living situation, but it is an annoying personal thing. His girlfriend recently dumped him, so he has been clinging to my SO and I constantly. He never really showed any interest in the Girlfriend before and was actually quite disgusting behind her back (always hitting on/talking about other girls), but suddenly he’s a mess though he won’t admit it. He sits in the living room looking through HS yearbooks trying to pick out his next girlfriend. We graduated three years ago! He went to a large school, so half the people he has never even spoken to. He picked a girl that he thinks is pretty, but he’s never actually talked to! He plans on messaging her on Facebook! LOL WTF. He also keeps writing these really hurtful letters to his ex that he is planning on giving to her Friday. He read them outloud to us, and they’re so over the top dramatic LOL.

Our RM doesn’t know how to load the dishwasher either. Actually, he doesn’t know a lot of things. I caught him the other day trying to put one of SO and I’s melamine plates in the microwave. I have told him multiple times that they will melt if he does. He always “forgets.” I swear he’s just trying to kill our plates. SO and I collected a bunch of furniture and supplies for two years before we moved in together, and way before we knew we were moving in with this guy. He complains all the time about our furniture and supply selections because they aren’t his taste, but I don’t see him jumping to go buy a new couch.

I don’t think people realize how difficult they can be to live with! I’m sure he has some complaints about us, but we really try our best to make him feel comfortable living here. We figured we would invest our moeny into all of the furniture and stuff so that when it came time for him to move out we wouldn’t be trying to figure out who brought what. It’s just all ours and that’s simple! I can understand that he may feel like he doesn’t even live here because nothing in the common room is his, but we do try to involve him by letting him use everything within reason and we always invite him to eat with us. He’s so awkward because when he does he will just leave his dirty dish on the table for me to take to the sink WTF.

@candy11: So strange! LOL We were okay just doing it quietly in the beginning, but I get self conscious if I think anyone is anywhere remotely close to our room. Can be kind of difficult when he has friends over. Luckily we did it while he was at work yesterday because his friends came over that night and stayed right near our bedroom door most of the night.

Our RM doesn’t ask personal questions, but he can be incredibly awkward about things. My SO and I were joking about how every single year his mom gets me the same thing for Christmas: a scarf, a pair of socks, and some sort of bag. I said last year the socks she got me were kind of sexual because they came up to my thighs, so when I pulled them out SO had the funniest look on his face. She meant them to be boot socks, but it was just a hilarious moment. RM made a comment like, “No offense, but that’s pretty sexy.” It just creeped me out.

@beetee123: UGH! I had two CRAZY roommates before Fiance and I moved in together. I just love telling these stories.

Crazy #1 – She was literally, crazy. She had a mental breakdown and had to stop working. She had a boyfriend (who was super creepy) who then became a stalker. She was afraid to walk to her own car and had to get the police involved.

-I woke up one night to the smoke detector going off. She was drunk/high and left water/food boiling on the stove. It boiled over and set the smoke alarm off. When I asked her what she was doing, she just stared at me. I shut it off, opened the balcony door to air the place out and when I woke up in the morning…the door was still wide open.

-She used to bring random guys home at 3:30 am. I asked her once to keep it down (they were playing guitars and singing) and she asked me if I had to work the next day. When I said no, she asked me what the problem was…. UM.. it’s 3:30 am!

Crazy #2- She was such a rude little biatch.

-FI and I went apple picking and I asked her if she wanted some of the apple pie we made. She asked what kind of apples we used because she is from New Husband which is the apple capital of the world and is an “apple snob”. Really? Just eat some pie!!!

-She sang CONSTANTLY. Didn’t matter if you were in the room. She hummed and sang.

-She asked to not contribute to the cable bill because she “pays for netflix”

-She told me I was “irresponsible” when I asked if she cared if I got a dog. She literally said, “Well if the dog poops on the carpet, I’m afraid you won’t pick it up”. WHAT?

-When she moved out, she tried to take the shower curtain with her (which was put up by the landlord). I asked her if it was hers, she said no, and I told her she needed to leave it. She then just shoved it into the bathtub and left.

ALSO – both of these girls never had beds. Both slept on mattresses that were on the floor.

In terms of talking….definitely talk in person – do not do it through text/email. Be completely honest and remain calm. If you let this stuff keep building up, it will drive you crazy and you’ll lose it one day. Also – bring up if he wants to move it. It seems like he may since he seems unhappy also. Good luck!

This might sound obvious but have you talked to him about this stuff? I didn’t see any mention of that in your post. I know it might be difficult to do (I’m not a confrontational person either) but I think it might help.

Some of this stuff does seem really obvious but if this is his first place outside of his parent’s home he might just be really clueless.

Did you get some kind of security deposit from him? If so, I wouldn’t worry too much about how dirty his bathroom is. I also wouldn’t want to evenly split a grocery bill with someone because depending on what and how much he eats it might not be fair to him.

I guess if you’ve already talked to him I don’t have any other advice (other than talking to him again). How does your SO feel about storing his games somewhere since he doesn’t get to play them anyways? That might help cut down on the late night noise.

Ugh, I’m so glad I no longer have to have a roommate. Good luck getting through the next nine months- I hope you can work something out!

@beetee123: What a comment from your RM!! I do not know what will happen if my sister moves in next summer…if my RM is not that happy, then she might leave. I am also afraid my RM doesn’t want anyone else in the house because when I commented about having a possible second roommate temporarly, she didn’t like the idea. So she keeps saying “You guys will have kids after you graduate huh?” (in like 2 years), I am like “maybe”. I don’t know if we’ll end up pregnant soon of course, but I am not telling her we are trying for a baby. I don’t think she would like that. Anyhow is not like we got married yesterday.

Firstly, is this guy on the lease? If yes, you’re probably stuck with him until the lease expires.

As for his friends using your stuff, have your SO take the console and the controllers into the bedroom with him when he vacates the common area. If your roommate’s friends can’t play on his game system, no problem. I understand he doesn’t want to be that guy who’s overprotective of his stuff, but your roommate’s friends have already proven that they don’t respect other people’s things.

@weatherbug: OMG, they sound insane! LOL We have tried confronting him in person (or my SO has since he is more able to do that kind of stuff), but he is apparently really non-confrontational and can only bring problems up through text. If you say something to him in person he will just agree and go along with it, but then he sends a text later saying that he doesn’t agree with it anymore.

@MrsBeck: My SO has tried talking to him. He doesn’t really like to have conversations in person, but will start bringing stuff up through text. We did get a security deposit from him. He paid 1/3. We are just worried that if we take over the lease starting next year then we would be responsible for it once we move out. I wasn’t sure if maybe the leasing office would come check the apartment before renewing the lease. I was assuming that if they do then they would be able to tell us what they are taking money from the deposit for so we could prove to him that it’s his fault. I’m not really sure how it works since this is our first apartment.

The reason we were splitting the grocery bill is because personally I think it is weird to see something in the cabinet and not be able to eat it, and apparently he feels the same way since he had no problem eating the stuff we brought in. I even made sure to go through the grocery receipts and only charge him for things he would actually use. If I bought something that only my SO would use (like his special milk) I wouldn’t make him pay 1/3 of that cost. He also has friends over a lot, and it’s hard to explain to them that they aren’t allowed to eat out of the pantry because he didn’t pay for that stuff, so they end up eating stuff anyway. I’m not going to charge him for an individual snack cake or something ridiculous, but it does get annoying. I think in his head things don’t add up to being $100 per person per month. That’s only $25 a week, and that is used up quickly! He actually made a comment yesterday about not realizing how expensive deli meats and cheeses are. He was like, “I spent $8 on a pound of cheese!” I’m like, um I don’t feel bad for you I spent $8 on cheese ever week LOL.