DD in trouble: called the dinner lady a....and now is in trouble.

I was mortified when the teacher told me this morning, it was her and another child. The dinner lady was very upset.

DD is 6 years old and although me and Dh are 'normal' weight' there are some overweight family members in the family and overweight friends so I do not understand where all this bullying came from since we don't mock people at all, never mind regarding their weight.

So the kids were made to apologise and lost some play time to think about it, but today after school I will ask DD to make a card to give to the lady tomorrow along with flowers. Is it over the top?

I'll probably be flamed but I think it may be OTT unless DD was really saying it to be horrid.We encourage our children not to lie and be truthful. We wouldn't complain if she said it was hte dinner lady with blue eyes or curly hair. If the most obvious feature is that she is vastly overweight, then to a 6yo that is the easiest way to describe her.Maybe a chat about being careful about how to describe people, and hurting people's feelings might be a good idea.Obviously if she was actually intending to be rude and hurtful, it is an entirely different matter....

It happened on a Thursday, there was no school on Friday and I wasn't there on Thursday pick up time and that is why the teacher informed this morning only.

Looks like DD wasn't just describing the dinner lady as a fat lady. Her and other child were calling the dinner lady fat and the teacher repeated at least 3 times that the lady was feeling hurt and upset.

The teacher said that DD assumed she did this and apologised.

I told the teacher we were going to make a card and the only things I think about saying in the card is: I am sorry.

But should I tell DD to write something else and will be some flowers or a small flower pot OTT??

But I want to teach DD that this is unacceptable.I know it has been dealt with at school, I wonder if a chat with DD is enough or not.Obviously she apologised, she was at school and the teacher told her to do so, but is it enough?Or should I just ask her what does she want to do to make mends?

Yes, I`m sure it is. I would have a chat with her as well. But, if the dinner lady was really upset about the comment she may well feel embarrassed if you make a big show of it, or she might not have been overly upset and then bemused if you make a big show, or she might like it, you just cant tell.

Don't do flowers or a plant, that's OTT for a verbal comment from a small child.

The best thing you can do is address the issue with your DD - "your teacher told me this. Aunty Vi is also a larger lady - how do you think she would feel if someone said that to her? What you said made the dinner lady sad" etc.

She needs to know that she shouldn't say it, but I'd leave the school response as it is.

Be careful - my the 11 year old son once mentioned the 'tache on a teacher (I found out afterwards it was in response to a nasty personal comment she made to him). I went ballistic and had him write a letter of apology - he wrote, without realising the wording, 'I am sorry to have to tell you you have a moustache'. As we found out why he said what he did before the letter was sent, I was actually torn as to whether to send it or not, as she did actually deserve what she got.

Make it very clear at home that she is not to make personal comments about people as it is not only hurtful it is rude. Ask her how she would like it if someone said something about her hair. Don't tell her off, genuinely ask her.

The funny thing is, she is lately being worried about what people will think about her, comparing herself to peers and and worried if kids will laugh at her. It started on Y1, before this she was a very confident child.

So I have been working on her issues and I think what happened will help me get through her issues and behaviour.

I would say a card is a lovely gesture. It sends the message to your daughter that what she said was unkind without further punishment (she's had that at school). It also shows your daughter that you support the school's discipline and take it seriously. School will also appreciate the support as more often than not in our place we have parents challenging discipline. If it was my daughter, I'd ask her to make the card.

My ds was very rude to a teacher at that age. Completely out of character and I came down on him like a tonne of bricks. I asked him to write a letter of apology which he did in his own words. I then gave it to his class teacher. I don't know what she did with it

We haven't had anymore of that behaviour and he seemed to understand that he had been disrespectful and how that could have made the teacher feel.

Hopenomore, if your dd is starting to worry about what others think of her, I wonder if someone has said personal things either to her or to others in her peer group within her hearing?

As well as dealing with the incident in question (card and no flowers sounds lovely ), I would gently talk to her about how children can sometimes be a bit silly about teasing/noticing differences or things about each other - and see if she brings anything up that is bothering her.

Only because kids do act out what they experience, and she may have been doing that - sort of an unconscious way to bring something to an adult's attention, iyswim.

I'm guessing the dinner lady hasn't been there long?!? When I was a FAT dinner lady if someone made a comment, the stock answer was "That's a mean way to put it - I prefer cuddly thank you...." Kids say it like it is, and sometimes it is mean.... but upset by it? really?

I had a written apology once for a child throwing their food tray on the floor and saying "Go on then, you're paid to clean it up..." (straight to the head and they got to clean it up, help clean the hall after lunch for a week and write the apology) but "You're fat" ... hey ho....