That thought is a heavy one, isn’t it? I think that feeling is one of the hardest things about being a single parent. There is no back-up. There is no one to share the schedule or the routines or the decision-making. I’m it. I’m it for rules, for home maintenance, for budgeting, for meal planning, for parenting wisdom, and for all the other stuff. The buck stops here.

One of the places it is most complicated is in trying to handle the tension between work and home lives. Our society doesn’t have a great track record for supporting single, working parents. Our employers expect us to give more and more and often don’t understand that you simply have no more to give when you are the only one to attend sporting events, concerts, after-school pick-up, appointments, and just to be present in the lives of your children as their childhood slowly evaporates. Employers often just don’t get it.

So how do you handle this when you need that job? How do you juggle it all without letting your kids suffer or not doing your best as an employee? That’s a tough one. As a single mom, I’ve had to wrestle with this again and again. There are a few things I’ve discovered and determined that might help you as you strive to find a balance to this tension as a single mom or dad:

Recently a friend used the phrase “survival mode” and it stopped me in my tracks. I realized I’ve been functioning in survival mode lately and that explained a lot.

I never planned to be a single parent, let alone a widowed mama to four unique kids with a variety of needs. Lately all that I’m NOT doing right has been plaguing me. The ghost of the mom I once was and the voices of what I feared others thought of me were loud.

I used to be a mom who planned fun family outings every stinkin’ week of summer.

I used to be the mom who boldly painted my home because life is too short for white walls. (Seriously, I hate white walls.)

I used to be the mom on top of multiple activities, making sure my kids had fun opportunities.

I used to be the mom who remembered what her kids needed from the store and important appointments that needed to be made.

I used to be the mom who didn’t feel so exhausted all the time.

Now I look at the ratty edges of the ottoman in the living room and beat myself up for not reupholstering it. (I’m sure I pinned a tutorial on a Pinterest board somewhere.) Now I stare at the white walls that are everywhere in my house, wondering why I can’t seem to find the time or energy to pick a new color and just do it already. Now I make three trips to Walmart in a week because I keep forgetting a few things. Now I fear my children’s childhoods are passing by and I’m letting them down.

Single parents are doing the job of two people to raise little humans as best they can. They need all the grace, hope, and support we can give them.

If you’ve followed my blog for very long, you know I wear many hats. In addition to being a writer and speaker, I’m also a DJ at a Christian radio station and a widowed mom to four amazing kids. This past weekend a few of these things intersected and it was beautiful.

The station I work at hosts a Christian music festival called Hills Alive each July. It’s huge; we’re talking 30,000 to 50,000 in attendance each year. It’s free to attend and big name Christian artists take our two stages and encourage our audience. Sometimes I get to meet them and thank them for their music and chat a little bit. It’s nice to put faces and personalities with the voices I play every day. Continue reading

Encouragement for You

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ABOUT ME

I’m Jenn Buell. I’m so glad you’re here. I hope to share with you my stories of thriving through difficulties, loss, and life. So make a cup of tea and join me!