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Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Last week when I heard that Lindsay Lohan was going to
appear in 2 Broke Girls I knew I wanted to be able to see it so I made some
calls and the next thing you know my buddy who works kind of with the show
hooked me up. Well, in his typical fashion it was more of he says he hooked me
up, but you never know what you are actually going to get when you arrive, but
I knew I would at least get in. I might have to stand up and take off my shirt
and shake my belly for candy and to entertain the audience, but getting in was
gold. Or so I thought.

On a typical taping for 2 Broke Girls there are about five
people on the list of the cast and crew to get in for the taping. Sometimes
there are no people on the list. Last night there were nearly 100. That is half
the available seats. Apparently someone had told someone and they called
someone who called someone who saw Ferris at 31 Flavors and the entire world
decided to descend on the Warner Brothers lot to see Lindsay Lohan. Hopefully
they were coming for the same reason as me – to watch an actual train wreck
that doesn’t injure anyone. They obviously have not watched her act.

There were people from around the world and other tourists
waiting to get in the show. They had got their tickets months in advance and
had no idea that the date they selected was all the date Lindsay had selected.
Almost one hundred percent of the time all of those people would be
accommodated but last night more than half had to go home without seeing the
show. I would have given up my spot if it had helped but I was just one person
and most of these people were in groups of three or four. Don’t feel too bad
for them because there is a happy type ending for them later on in the recap.
You can probably scroll to the bottom if you are one of those people who can’t
stand to wait.

By the time I finally rolled in I had missed all the
preliminaries, which can be a good thing with this show. I went the first
season and got there around 4pm and didn’t walk out until a little after 2.
This is season 3 though and towards the end and I heard they were getting out
most nights about 9. It is not Two And A Half Men fast which pre-records so
much stuff that they barely even say hi to their audience before getting you
out the door, but 9pm is early enough where I could get some drink time in
before sleeping.

As Roger Lundblade, the guy who does warm up for the show and one of my favorite guys to hang out with in this town sees me he waves me down to the front row like he
is some kind of seat getting magician. It was all sleight of hand as you will
see. I literally sat down two minutes before taping began. The first scene involved
the entire regular cast and took place in the diner. One scene took about 15
minutes to shoot and that included a stop so they could move the cameras.
Everyone was flawless and since Jennifer Coolidge is only in two scenes of this
particular episode would like to point out how amazing she is and how gorgeous
she looked.

Moving on. First Lindsay Lohan scene. Yep. There she was.

Red hair. Lips so plumped out she couldn’t really get them
open because of her botox which also caused her to have trouble pronouncing
certain words. Of course she won’t be able to pronounce anything if she keeps
smoking because her voice is rapidly disappearing into some type of screaming
smoking raspy hell hole. You know when you go to some type of event that
requires a lot of yelling or screaming and you can barely speak. Combine that
with a three pack a day habit and botox and see how well you do. There was a scene later on in the show that required Lindsay to say the words Hawaii and Bahamas in succession. She couldn't move her botoxed muscles enough to get that combination down without pausing between each. It sounded like someone who had injected with Novocaine an hour earlier.

Enough of that though, let me take this slow and steady. I
want the writers to know that your words were very good for the script of this
episode. I also want you to know that myself and all of the other 199 members
of the audience are very familiar with every single one of Lindsay Lohan’s
lines and can repeat them all verbatim to you because we heard them so many
times last night. There is not a member of the audience who couldn’t do a
better job than Lindsay Lohan did last night.

I am not going to give any spoilers or anything like that,
but let me take you through Lindsay’s first scene. Max and Caroline are selling
their cupcakes and a guy walks up and wants to buy a cupcake for his
girlfriend. His line of “My girlfriend wants a cupcake and she gets anything
she wants,” brings in Lindsay who then says, “I want a house in the Hamptons
but I will settle for a cupcake.” Yes, I know that line and the other lines. I
heard them and heard them and heard them. This first initial half of a full
scene had about five lines from Lindsay. It took about 45 minutes to shoot
because she never could get through without screwing up. She would get one line
and screw up another. There was some combination that she always managed to
find that she had not done previously.

While they moved the cameras for the second part of the
scene, Roger, bless his heart decided to
announce Lindsay’s presence to the audience and goaded almost everyone out of
their seats to give her a standing ovation. Yeah. Miss Liz and Dick herself. At
this point I think everyone was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.
Sure, they had four days to practice and rehearse, but it was five lines. Kat
Dennings and Beth Behrs had twice the lines and had to worry about timing and
still made the audience laugh every single time through. Despite having to
repeat the first part of the scene well over a dozen times they didn’t slip
once. When you go to a taping and see those compared to Lindsay you realize
that Lindsay is never going to win an Academy Award and she is lucky to even be
working as an actress.

So, move to part two of the scene. Lindsay is a bride to be
who wants a cake made by Max and Caroline. She can’t decide what kind of cake
she wants. Her whole thing in the episode is indecision. What kind of cake to
have, what kind of dress to wear and whether she really wants to get married.
Let me take you through the entirety of what Lindsay has to say in this scene.
I don’t have a copy of the script. I took no notes.

Lindsay has one solid line where she tells Oleg after he
lets her in the back that she thinks the guy in the hair net got to second base
with her. Every time through she got this line right. Apparently she has a lot
of practice with this type of thing and it was natural to her. After that it
all went downhill. She walks into the room and uses the line adorbs. It is
annoying once. Imagine having to hear it five or six times because she couldn’t
walk and get the line out of her mouth right. She then talks about how she used
to have a shop that sold dresses called Get The Frock Out and this translated
into other names of stores that were next to it. Not going to happen. Another
six times minimum to get through two lines. Once she finally gets that right she
has to choose what kind of cake she wants and because of her indecision has to
go through several options. “I want something traditional. Old school. No wait.
Now I’m thinking because you guys are so cool that I want something with a
Williamsburg vibe.” To her credit she got that right most of the time. Kat had
an incredibly complicated response to it which she never screwed up and when
you watch it on the show will wonder how she didn’t despite saying it a half
dozen times. Lindsay then turns to survey the back of the diner and says, “Now
I’m thinking pastels because it is spring. Now, I’m thinking black and white.
Is tribal still in? Now I’m thinking that you guys should just pick whatever
you want.”

It was a little longer than that, but not much. Lindsay had
a lot of trouble stringing together the various permutations required and after
thirty minutes the lines were reduced and reduced until all was left was
basically the black and white line and do it yourself. There was no point in
trying to get it all right because it was not going to happen.

Shortly after this, two scenes were shot with the entire
regular cast and they took about twenty minutes to go through two scenes. All
flawless. Once again it was time for
Lindsay, but off camera. All she had to do was read one line of script. READ
it. It took her three times to get it right.

At this point my stellar seat was yanked from me because I
was really down the totem pole and was relegated to the back row. No worries
though. I knew I would move again. And again. And again. See, after that first
wave of euphoria about getting to see Lindsay Lohan, that guest list of 100
people began to see that Lindsay was a train wreck but you only want to watch
so many collisions before you realize you have better things to do with your
life and they filed out en masse. About one-third at that point and because of
some seat shuffling I found myself in the second row in a perfect position to
watch more Lindsay meltdowns.

One of the best surprises of the night was Stephanie
Courtney. You probably know her better as Flo from the Progressive commercials.
Minus her flaming red hair and using her acting skills she was stellar.
Seriously. Plus she got to call Lindsay a b**ch in the script which was lustily
followed by Max and Caroline in their characters. Or did they think? Anyway.

Because of my constant seat changing I got to meet a bunch
of cool people. Hey to the people from Austria. Thanks for those extra halves
of sandwiches you gave me. To the couple from Wisconsin, you were very lovely
but perhaps you should save the making out for your hotel room. To Miss California
2012, Leah Tibbits, thank you for letting me smell your cupcake and giving me candy when I
thought I would die from a lack of sugar. I’m very sorry about my size and
taking up half your chair, but you are very small and play the harp so you are
probably used to sharing space with 300 pound objects that are tough to move
and smell like bacon. OK, so perhaps your harp doesn’t smell like bacon, but you were very nice and you do charity work with Wounded Warriors and married a former Marine and graduated from college and are going to get a Masters degree and I would much rather hang out with you and people like you than Lindsay Lohan. Next time I promise not to shove you to the ground when they pass out Rice Krispie Treats. Hope your knee feels better. I'm sure the swelling will go down by the end of the week.

So, there was one big scene left with Lindsay. She is in a
wedding dress and has cold feet about the wedding. She has six or seven lines.
45 minutes later when the audience can see the finish line of this scene a cell
phone starts ringing. Loudly. “I’m sorry, that’s mine. Hello. I have to call
you back.” Yes, it was Lindsay’s phone. One more time through the last part of
the scene. Ten more minutes gone from my life.

A great scene from Max and Caroline was out of this world
and they filmed it three times just to try and get different comedic bits in to
choose from. Kat Dennings is an amazing actress. I think that sometimes gets
lost because people keep staring at her breasts and don’t focus on her acting.

When that scene ended, it was as if people were fleeing from
some type of storm or an invasion of zombies. They could not leave fast enough.
Most of the rest of the invited guests bailed at this point and lots of the
audience too. I think the announcement that there was another scene involving
Lindsay pushed everyone to the edge. The people who run the distribution of
seats did amazing work at trying to make it look like the seats were filled. My
buddy Roger saw that he was losing everyone and started passing out candy at a
quicker pace and cupcakes that say Max and Caroline on them. He gave out money
and led group songs and the audience that stayed felt as if they were a part of
something. They had seen the worst the world could give them and one more scene
with Lindsay was not going to crush their spirit. On second thought we all
should have probably left. The last scene took forever to set up because it was
the wedding and there were 100 extras and cameras had to be re-positioned. Plus
it had Lindsay in it.

Lindsay literally had one line and then had to remain in
place. Nothing more. I would tell you the one line but it would be a spoiler. It
is about ten words long. Twenty minutes. Then another twenty because they had
to shoot the scene from different angles and she couldn’t keep a straight face.
All she had to do was remain expressionless or vacant. You know, like those
dates she goes on. When the scene finally ended there was a pre-recorded scene
that was shot Monday with Lindsay. I can only imagine how long that took to
shoot and how many crew members didn’t want to go back to work last night. Usually
there is a set up prior to a pre-recorded scene but they just played it and the
audience was thrilled to be leaving. The cast walked out for bows and no one
gave Lindsay much of a hand. She was featured third right after the guy who
played her boyfriend and Flo. Way down the pecking order and Flo should be
upset that Lindsay got better billing. One group photos was taken after and
then Lindsay disappeared fast while the rest of the cast hung out and took
photos with friends and did that whole SNL pat on the back and hugs thing you
see.

I looked at a clock. 1115pm. Over five hours of shooting for
18 minutes (4 minutes [pre-recorded). Three of those hours were for the few
scenes Lindsay had. When the final product airs next month people will see the
editing and Lindsay’s best from those scenes and think to themselves that she
isn’t that bad. The lines were well written and with as many shots as she had
at each one she was bound to get something that can be used. People will tune
into watch. The 200 people that sat through that taping though will know that
Lindsay didn’t deserve to be on the show. They will know that every single
person who had lines on the show was at least ten times better than Lindsay and
in many cases a hundred times better.

Kate Dennings and Beth Behrs had hundreds of lines each.
Because of Lindsay they had to repeat them for hours. No matter what though
they always got laughs from their lines. Lindsay didn’t. People were tired of
her. They wanted it to end. What I saw in Kat and Beth were two people who
respected the fact they have jobs that pay very well and may never be given a
second chance to make this kind of money or be on this kind of show. They knew
every line and where to be and what to say and how to act and they were
professional. Lindsay looked like someone who took her script with her while
she partied for a week straight and could show up and work it out while filming
the show. That attitude is why she doesn’t work. She didn’t take it seriously.
It was a paycheck. I hope she doesn’t get many more.

I'm surprised he only used the word literally twice.Don't watch the show, so enjoyed the recap.I don't get how these folks can watch the same scene over and over and still keep the same level of genuine laughter, though.

Is this the orginal Enty?! Does any of this surprises anyone about LiLo though?

Kat is great, have meant her in person, & really no one else could get a word in edgewise around us, we both seem to have the same type smarta$$ sense of humour...and everything I've heard from those who have worked with her has been great.

This is Beth's first real acting gig, heard some stories about how she got..., I think she knows how lucky she is to have it & that she's replaceable on it, so will do everything she needs to so she doesn't lose it.

Jen, I've known for along time & she is so funny...don't let the dumb blond act fool you, she didn't get to where she is by being dumb.

The DM has a "who I fucked in Hollywood List" by Blohan. Some of the names have been left blank, um, because the men are married! Funny how all of this comes out now that she has her stupid show on hOWN and her bit parts she cameos on!

As for Blohan, why on earth does this trick keep getting second chances while there are plenty of people who have never even gotten a first chance? Sad thing is, this will probably be a very highly rated episode, so it will probably happen again and again until she dies.

I remember Perez Hilton on Howard talking about when he did his guest spot on Glee with her. Everyone in the cast referred to her as 'That Girl' becuase she held up production so long with being late and all her mistakes so filming went over and they were stuck on set an extra day then expected.

There's a popular theory amongst posters hereabouts that the fellow who started this blog no longer writes it, but that it is instead written by one or more replacements, possibly of variable skill and literacy.

As with the material given in the stories and blinds, you can believe as much of that as you want to.

Love the post More please. No surprise here, any talent she may have had has been completely ruined by the brain damage she has done to herself with boozed and drugs. She so far gone, I doubt she can ever get back And I hate to give up on people.

oh, as for constant speculation as to how many Entys there are, who is writing today etc, I will relay a story. My father was a custodian in a administrative office for the school board, so plenty of women working in bldg. I used to take my little boy to visit him during the day So one day, we are walking around, showing off the amazing baby, lol, and one woman said, "I'm freezing! Could you adjust the thermometer?" "Sure", says me dad. Another office, another woman says, " I'mm so warm! Please lower the thermostat!" "Sure " says me dad. Out of hearing of the woman, I said, "Man, that must be a pain, changing temp all day". "oh, I never touch it." says me dad. Later, walking out, one of the women says "THank you, I feel so much better now!". Make of that what you will.

*****Here are the Cliff Notes for anyone not wanting to read ALL that****Enty has friends in mediocre places.Enty has low-brow taste in television.Lindsay is a dunce that partys too much and can't remember her lines.Lindsay needs to lay off the botox and fillers.Lindsay aint what she use to be.****The End****

I just learned what "TL;DR" meant today - yes, I'm a bit behind the times. I had to ask our paralegal at work. But now I have a representative example to forever remind me.

I love Kat Dennings. She is amazing and hilarious, and I'd like her to be my best friend. Beth Behrs I just don't find funny at all. Every week we watch the show, and my husband is always like, "she's so annoying!"

@Derek-I've got friends in low places too, you know what though, you learn the most from them..you learn what people are really like...My Grandma used to like to say "Someone who is nice to you, but not nice to the waiter is not a nice person".

Yup that's what I heard too AnnaBelle. At least she got a long running show. Let's see how her career goes after this one ends. Hey lesser "starts" have happened right? cough cough Denise Richards cough cough..

She's pretty, she's blonde, but a dime a dozen in Hollywood...after 2 Broke Girls is done, Beth will most likely go to Lifetime Movies for Women & Hallmark Channel, unless she gets her claws into someone more famous than her like Jen Garner or Jada Pinket

The whole "just a paycheck" attitude is why I would never hire Lilo as a whore. The only way to have a good session with her would be a straight sex for coke trade and you would have to be a miser with it, making her jump through hoops for each line.

Anytime you see something on the internets you don't understand just run it through google or urban dictionary, you don't have to suffer the embarrassment of actually asking anyone. I didn't get TL;DR the first time I saw it either, but Google pulls up just about everything now. Heck, you can even ask it why some people say internets or interwebz (ironically) and it will tell you. :)

I read this entire thing and it seems that this person feels entitled because she doesn't see anything different. I mean, she got a standing ovation? For what? She'll keep taking acting jobs away from talented unknowns who are working so hard to break into the business, and that's a damn shame.

I happened to be in the audience as well on this day and, funny, I remember it very different than the author of this blog who seem to have a huge chip on his shoulder. I'm not a newbie myself, I work in the industry good 30 years now (behind the camera) and have seen thousands of actors.

Just 2 things our author didn't quite get: a) the writers constantly changed lines - so what the frigg is he talking about that he as well as the rest of the audience would know the lines by hart - when they were changed for every take. What bull.

The other thing: Lindsay couldn't talk because she was so full of botox or what have you...? That's again something you might have been the only one seeing that. It's just not true. What's your agenda full knowingly writing stuff like that?

There's more but really, you pretend to be oh so familiar with everybody and such an 'insider' when in reality you just lie and suck.

Everyone in Nashville knows the 2Broke Bims set was all kittens and unicorns. Why one time Lindsay farted on set and a rainbow emanated from her blow hole and lit up the room.

Kat said, "More like a pot of COAL at the end of THAT rainbow."

And Lindsay replied in a raspy whisper, "If you knew how much gold that thing earned this year, you'd have my mom pimp yours out too, Sweet Tits," and everyone laughed and giggled.

Then a crew member mopped the cum off the floor from under Linds and they started another take.

DISCLAIMER--This post is a parody of a PR Shill and in no way based on actual events or facts. The sole exception being Kat Dennings' tits are sweet, visually of course, as I can't attest to their actual flavor.

This DOES sound like OG Enty from days of olde/era before my size-2 flared jeans became tight & then unzippable. Halleluyah!

Sorry to those who responded with snores, but I've missed these long, opinionated OG-style posts. At times the blog had a disappointingly small # of new entries due to OG time constraints, or the simple fact that little of interest was happening.

But that was OK. The writing style had a consistently distinctive, personal voice. His takes on current major gossip were as much his own as Michael K's (OG Enty once gave me a huge case of smiles with an MK "Ma Boo" shout-out).

The posts from his own sources, & the anecdotes about high/low points in his past as a junior ent-law flunky babysitting troublesome clients more than made up for the days when he was too busy to post much. Things started getting snoozy for me after the guest blogging Friends were recruited & usually provided little more than filler.

I also miss the time when CDAN posted almost NO "Reality Star" sh*t; had a unique, concise writing style (even with the typos--a pity legal proofreaders charge too much for checking blogs, tho ;) & the pages were almost never glutted with bland junk recycled from Radar or TMZ (already covered by the Daily Mail US goss section).

So yes; may we have some more, sir?

PS: Maybe so many women in Hollywood have stuffed their faces & bodies with plastic, juvederm, 'tox, &c, that it starts to look normal--'cause IMO, Lohan wrecked her looks more with premature cosmetic treatments than by overindulgence in booze, adderall, & blow. Her next career move ought to be an audition for a Real Housewife series. They all look pretty similar...

"You know when you go to some type of event that requires a lot of yelling or screaming and you can barely speak. Combine that with a three pack a day habit and botox and see how well you do...." Jesus, I hope you don't get paid to write this shit. You sound like than a 12 year old girl. Here's what I would've written: "Lindsey Lohan is in an upcoming Epi of 2BG, but I saw this show live and she sucked."That would've fit on Twitter! For someone you loathe you sure do love talking about her, that free press to a girl like Linds.

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