a love story

Tag Archives: 1931

It is now a year later and nothing seems to have changed. The Lovers are still struggling along. I only found three letters so far from 1931 and we will jump to 1932 soon. 1932 will bring about a change in their relationship.

July 7, 1931

Ah my Beloved one, why do I try to do things that cannot be done, over and over I tried, but I cannot give you up. I cannot. It is just like throwing myself into the grave alive.

I must have your understanding, your love and above all your friendship, as you must have mine. It is the will of Fate, not you or I can go against Fate, I have had my last try. If there will be another try — it shall have to come from you.

You have hurt me, but I forgive you, as I want you to forgive me.

It is no use my Beloved one, we have been given Life by Fate and we must serve the term, no escape.

You know very well that you cannot go on without me — you are lost without me, as I am in complete darkness without you. We are the Soul to one another’s body. Take away the soul and the body is dead ready to be laid in its grave.

I must have you worship me as you must have me worship you. We must be each other’s Ideal, without that we cannot amount to anything — Is it not so my dreamer?

Now my —————– I am afraid to write all that down, because — what is written cannot be erased ——

Apparently Bassya is now in Santa Cruz, California. Perhaps for a week? The letter shows us another side of Bassya.

Santa Cruz
July 23, 1931

Pinchas, chaver, surprised to hear from me so soon? I decided to spend the half day at Santa Cruz beach alone. It is so good to be alone with oneself.

Here I sit on a log — near the water it is only 7:30 a.m. I am listening to a symphony conducted by the wind, the water takes the part of every instrument. I like it most when it comes to its highest tempo, it wakes, it urges — There is hardly anyone at the beach, everything is so peaceful, one wonders — are there any cares in this world? — ! I have a feeling that I am celebrating a great holy day —.

I am slowly freeing from the chains of Life — I feel a whole week of freedom coming — a week of forgetting who I am what I am and what for — just free — free to do as I wish — to seek beauty — the symphony is progressing, the drums play the lead — and how stormy they sound — now it is quiet again — only to be followed by more stormy music —-

I have before me Aristotle’s philosophy — and I think I shall look into it for a while and then continue my letter to you. Do you mind waiting? —

8:30 a.m. an hour passed, an enjoyable hour. The symphony plays on — but it does not disturb the concentration on the philosophy of Aristotle, it combines — and helps —

Aristotle believes there is a God, but not a simple one — that weak-minded people believe in. He is sexless, passionless, indivisible and eternal. He states that God does not create — but moves the world — as the beloved affect moves the Lovers — he is the cause of nature, the purpose of things, and he finishes with saying that God is the mystic force — the magnetic power.

I can well understand that God is the mystic force — the magnetic power — I feel that almost every minute of my existence but what I cannot understand is — “God moves the world” what did Aristotle mean by it, maybe you, my Pinchas, could help me understand it? —

Plato believes that belief in God is a necessity — but unlike Aristotle, he wants his Go to be a living God. He believes that a mere cosmic force could not inspire hope, devotion or sacrifice, where a living God can do all this and much more. He is very practical in his arguments. I, personally, cannot see how a human being can take the place of a mystic force. What do you think chaver? —

I am forced to end my letter as I have no more paper with me.

Do you mind if I share my thoughts with you? I must have someone to understand. Someone to —

It is now 9:00 a.m. and the symphony is in its low tempo the drums could hardly be heard — only now and then they wake up and go off again. I think I will take a walk now — and mail the letter — and then come back to the water again.

Please write me long and often letters — that is, if you want me to write to you. Will you write to me every night before you go to bed? then I shall do the same, and will enjoy doing it, no back address.

Good-bye and many happy dreams of the day — .

— from a freed person —

I am, or rather feel so peaceful with all the world, I hope it lasts, at least the week.

Bassya

ask Sol for my address — tell him you want to send me a “recitation” declamation

This might be the last letter for 1931. Next we will jump to 1932 and a new part of Bassya’s life.Peretz Hirshbein or is it Peretz Hirschbein? I left it as written in the letter.

Carmel By the Sea
July 24, 1931

My Pinchas!

Why do you torture my soul, why don’t you give me peace, at least for an hour. If I could only stop thinking of you for one week of all these years. I thought maybe here — there is so much beauty here, and I want to share it with you. Carmel is the place, the atmosphere where you and I belong, is there no end to my yearning — no end to my suffering?

I have not slept a wink all night — my prayers brought me no sleep either. I kept on thinking of someone — who would give me no peace. Opened up the windows — looked up to the stars, found no answer — watched them disappear…all was dark —

I am sitting now at the beach. I have spent the day here. It is now 5:00 p.m. everyone has gone, that is why I linger on. I want to be left alone with someone —

You have to stand all the blows I give you — I have no one else to revolt against — I cannot even keep a diary where I could relieve my anger — always afraid someone might find it –. What do you think I made of — stone? it is more than one can bear — always taking in — keeping in — without answering — I have to scream sometimes who shall I scream at? it has to be you. Yes You, because “You are I” because I love you — because I suffer on account of you — because you, came into my life — when you shouldn’t have come — because there is no remedy for it now — because of everything –. Because I cannot get along anymore without your smile, you presence, your understanding — you have entered my soul and you give me no peace —

I am watching the sunset now — and my eyes are all blood-shot from tears — Oh my Pinchas have patience with me — endure my faults I have no one int he whole world who could take your place — Life is a struggle as it is — do not make it harder — help me — help me , be my friend, be my father, be my brother — until you become my Lover. If you should refuse — if you should turn from me now — I will not hear it — I shall not have the strength to go on — I know it. I feel it. Let us play fair — until — please try for my sake. Let me not be tortured by conscience, sacrifice yourself for me — and there will come a time when I shall give everything for you — my life — my all. Help me endure the struggle until happiness shall come our way — and as I do — be natural my dreamer do not shrink into realism — I wish I could gaze into your dreamy blue eyes — to look a you — to put my tired head on your heart —.

I am all alone at the beach now — but am I all alone? I feel that two souls two hearts are joined in me.

Carmel is beautiful beyond description. I am staying with a private family — Murphy is the name, the most charming, cultured refined people, their home is artistic and I love my room. Here is a new world a world for itself. People who live for years here do not know what it means to lock a door — they sleep without fear — the front door always open, when I asked for a key for the front door they simply looked at me — told me they have no such thing.

Everything here is refined artistic, there is only one class of people that come here and live here.

It is six o’clock now, I must be going. I have to walk 10 blocks for my meals. I am going to see a stage play tonight — “Tomorrow and Tomorrow,” have not seen Peretz Hirshbein yet.

I want to call you up — give me a telephone number any time after eight p.m. write me every day — please —.

Poem by Bassya

A package of love letters
Tied with ribbons of blue.
Some from you to me and
Some from me to you. --
Laying in a drawer
For many many years
Telling a story of hope
Joy, anguish, and despair
and many many tears. --

Links

Tales of the Shtetl

Reactions to the Letters

A.M.: I love this.
R.B.: So touching! It was good to know of the happy ending before reading the letter.
D.K.: Fascinating stuff.
R.G.: These are wonderful. What an amazing project.
D.F.: Wow, such torment.
J.J.: Wow, what a treasure to be able to glimpse into the past through these letters.
G.A.: Priceless treasure.
R.B.: These letters would make a great book.
P.M.: Oh my god! I am sitting here with tears running down my cheeks.
R.B.C.: Amazing! May love reign eternal, and inspire through generations...