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>The past few weeks have gotten me into writing a couple of new songs that in a way sounds crappy since i don’t have any means to record at home right now other than via my mobile phone which doesn’t save in any standard sound format like .wav or .mp3 so anyways here’s the lyrics of those new stuff.

What goes on in the mind of a dying Ian

Loving you is like living a Joy Division song‘Love will tear us apart’ that’s what Ian saidBefore he hanged himselfAll our hopes and dreamsAre now laid to wasteIn this soilent green grassWhere I standAnd I wish thatI could have saidThose things that youWanted to hear from meLike saying “I love you”Kiss you “goodnight”I’ll hold you tightThrough the blackest nightBefore our love turned sour

Holden Caufield’s Letter of Apology

Winds of changeTides & tempestBrewing stormsAnd awsome calmnessFigures of speechOf meanings in semanticsDefinition of termsA charade of alibisI know that I am wrongAnd you don’t want to see meI am selfishI’m just an ordinary guy

Why am I so scared of another’s brutal honesty?Is it because it see through my thought out facadeThat shelters my insecurity and my callous indecision?If only emotions were as simple as black & whiteI would’ve been certain if it were soIt’s really hard to look forwardOnce you’ve built your lifeAround something that you believe is specialAnd at the same time being so comfortableWith what you have at presentSo here I am wishing that I’d be as conversationallyFluent as Ethan Hawke in the movie Before SunsetAnd as youthfully profound as Fred SavageIn the sitcom the Wonder YearsOr as charming as the combinationOf Parker Lewis and Holden CaulfieldInstead I’d be ordering coffeeSpecifically instructing the baristaThat I’d like to have it black like my heartFor never has there been a story of more woeThan falling prey to the perplexities of lifeAnd the complexity of looking forward to what’s beyondLike chasing after ghost of good timesAnd pondering hints, allegations and things left unsaidIn this wee quest for redemption from confusion.Now why am I so scarred?

i’m sitting here right beside the phone but there’s no ring at all no there’s no ring at all tried to leave a song in your machine but there’s no room at all there’s no room at all you know that i’d do anything just to hear your voice gain i’d even sing a song or two just to hear you say…”i love you””i need you””i want you…””…here by my side”i’m dialing your number on the phone stabbing at the digits as i gory fingertips tangles on the cord and it seems like the plunger always gets the best of me…you know that i’d do anything just to hear your voice gain i’d even sing a song or two just to hear you say…”i love you””i need you””i want you…””…here by my side”

a sweet silent requiem

in every single letter that i type in here reveals a side of emptiness that lingers in my heart in every single word that i utter in my mouth are screams of pain & anguish of a broken man maybe if i could write a letter that’s so great maybe you’ll come back and see the real me i will try to pick the pieces of my broken heat that longs for your sweet embrace that means you love me and that you’ll never leave my side its sad but true that its only a dream just a dream… in every stroke of my pen in every song i sing screams a silent requiem for something that’s been lost in every broken record that the tape deck plays hums a twisted melody of a lover’s hymn maybe if i could write a letter that’s so great maybe you’ll come back and see the real me i will try to pick the pieces of my broken heat that longs for your sweet embrace that means you love me and that you’ll never leave my side its sad but true that its only a dream just a dream…

a childlike response to the nearness of you

we stood face to face but i can’t see you look the same way as you stared down awkward attraction a case of infatuation a melodramatic feeling of love and affection i can’t speak the words that i long to say to you my mind always splits in two every time i look at you maybe this is love or am i just strung out with a childlike respone to the nearness of you you look so beautiful and i look stupid with my stupid hair and my rundown clothes side-winded love songs and basement poetry are all i can give in thought and in theory i can’t speak the words that i long to say to you my mind always splits in two every time i look at you maybe this is love or am i just strung out with a chlidlike response to the nearness of you

something from me to you

nevermind the bad times that we’ve gone through it’s all in the past let’s just make the best of the blue skies and the bright sun shining right above our heads your hands clinging to my arms i’m so happy i could die because you’re here by my side and i know you’re confused at this moment in time but i guess the world could get cruel sometimes so just lean on me and i’ll give you that nudge don’t you know that i find you sexy in a meg ryan kind of way and the way that we talk reminds me of you’ve got mail where i’ll be joe fox and you will be kathleen kelly and i’ll find you in your wizard hat with a wand in your hand reading jules verne to the kids on the floor mat down at your place called the shop around the corner that’s where i’ll see you with your smile that embedded in my heart oh don’t you know that i was lonely as well but you came and i fell in love with you and all that you do the sight of you pulls me into the blue that’s where i’ll call out your name on the top of my lungs as i stand here drenched in the rain starring at the cracks of lightning that illuminate the dark night sky like chinese fireworks on new year’s eve

reconciling reality

don’t you dare take advantage of what i’m doing it’s not that i’m selfish it just comes natural after all that you’ve done after all those things that you said to me last night you took me forgranted and i don’t blame you i’m just so gullible to your pretty face to how you looked and the way you smiled as you held my hand last night i guess i’m all to blame why can’t things me the same nothing but black and white and no complex shades of grey i am sick and tired of these twisted knots and these thread of lies i just wanna move on to get on with my life but it looks as though that you’re here to plague me for the rest of my life for the rest of my life

another grief observedi’m chasing after you as you walked out that door and i don’t know what to say. i’m walking after you as you passed accross the hall and i don’t know “what did i say?” where are you now? where did you go? is this another grief observed? i’m chasing after you as you walked out that door and i don’t know what to say. i’m walking after you as you passed accross the hall and i don’t know “what did i say?” where are you now? where did you go? is this another grief observed? i’m chasing after shadows i’m chasing after things that have come to pass i’m chasing after you (after you) and i can’t find you. where are you now? where did you go? is this another grief observed?

a lullaby of love and lostthere’s something i wanna tell you but i guess we’d be better off if i keepm my mouth shut. maybe i’m born too early maybe you came in late the song ‘diana’ speaks this irony. serendipity is an apt description, that falls short to explain what i feel in this context and i don’t believe in fate it reinforces my wishful thinking and i don’t know i don’t know what to feel anymore. i’m about to explode but i choose to implode to implode. serendipity is an apt description, that falls short to explain what i feel in this context and i don’t believe in fate it reinforces my wishful thinking and i don’t know i don’t know what to feel anymore. i’ll write these words in letters that i’ll never send to you. lullabies that i want to sing will never be heard. i’m pulling the trigger. i’m kicking the barrel. i’m off to say goodbye. goodbye.