Epistles of Le Révérend Docteur

“A flash in the pan” Common definition: Something showy that initially impresses but doesn’t bring any real results. (e.g. “The singer’s career as Elvis’s long lost brother was just a flash in the pan.”)

First use: The term has been known since the late 17th century. Elkanah Settle, arse-licker of the Earl of Nowich, in Reflections on several of Mr. Dryden’s plays, 1687, had this to say: “If Cannons were so well bred in his Metaphor as only to flash in the Pan, I dare lay an even wager that Mr. Dryden durst venture to Sea.”

WAAL; FUCK YOU, SETTLE ! (if that is your real name, arselicker; you fucking coward!) –
you didn’t even write “Notes and Observations on the Empress of Morocco” –
(probably that pitiful treacherous plagiarist clod Shadwell )
– you never even met her!
Maya told me you asked for an audience
but she told her secretary to tell you to fuck off –
you fucking lying shit!

May Mr Johnny Cash
dip your hand in warm water
for the rest of your few remaining days!

Jack & me
went to sea (or – as you so pretentiously spell it – “Sea”)
(in a beautiful pea-green boat; fuck you!)
two guys, out on The Watersmany a time!
BEER & FISH make a writer; fuck you!
(oh, bad luck; Hemingway…)
[fuck you – Fitz NEVER even left The Shore –
but look at the joi he brought to you miserable critics!
An Inspiration to SO many many terribly much worserer writers!]
{oh, fuck; why wasn’t he wearing the scarf..?}

Jack Dryden was an excellent Navigateur
and good all round on deck –
no loose ties,
nothan rattlan round ,
good with a knife,
a fine hand;
excellent company.

* * *

AND you can get fucked AGAIN, SETTLE! (if that is your real name, arselicker; you fucking arselicking coward!)
DO NOT invent stories about My King!

There was no “long lost brother”
’twas a Myth created by me, Mr Tom Waits, Br Leonard Cohen & Jenny from The Jennys
after a couple o’ tequilas & such.

There is, however, a story
about The Brother Who Lived
(which cannot be supported in fact
but endures to this day)
& is ridiculously conflated
with the History of Mr Johnny Cash

but, really, can’t we just put this all behind us?

DAMMIT! – why does cactus have this effect on normally decent humans?

Jack & Alex were right – you are Dulness’ bitch!
(but I must admit that you have succeeded in infecting the entire UK (with the possible exception of Wales – ta, Dylan) with decay, imbecility, tastelessness and an inability to deal with either the spoken or written languages –oh; and, perhaps, The Entire World!)
However, I hear you ended up playing a dragon
in a hand-made green leather suit in a fucking market!

Oh, World Domination!

I thank the Brothers of the Charterhouse

for spoon-feeding you gruel
and wiping your worthless arse
until you so graciously died.

Get fucked, SETTLE, you arselicking, plagiarising coward!The Spectre of Spartacus shall be ON YOUR ARSE immediately!
NO RESPITE in Hell either – DO NOT SLEEP!!!