Many years ago, a wise and respected member of the Labour Party once shared with me his theory that Fianna Fail could not survive two terms in opposition. He came to this conclusion because he felt that FF had so many members who were not attracted to the party for ideolgical or even historical reasons but because it was where the power was, and once FF could not deliver power over a long period, those people would eventually scuttle elsewhere, most likely into Fine Gael, cash in hand, desperately trying to buy their way into the affections of their new masters.

Fine Gael have to be very careful about this, because it will be very easy for a new deputy, flush from victory, to find himself surrounded with ex-FF Latchycos (One of the great Irish words) offering to buy National Draw tickets, etc, and suddenly FG is infested (and that is the right word) with the bastards. And as Jack Lynch, Des O’Malley, George Colley and Bobby Molloy discovered, once they’re in, they’ll overrun the place.

Curiously, the lack of power will suddenly leave FF as the clean party. Who’d a thunk it?

The funny thing is that he is, as a rule, deeply cynical about politics and politicians. He doesn’t normally believe any of them. But when Gerry Adams or Richard Boyd Barrett or Joe Higgins promise him on the telly that a vote for them means the reversal of cutbacks and a painless future for all, his ears prick up. That’s what he wants! Along with his promised public sector pay increase and his pension contribution restored and above all, someone else picking up the tab. They are saying exactly what he wants! It’s incredible.

When his brother-in-law challenges him as to why the other parties would not just implement those policies if the solution were that easy, his brain shuts down but his Adams/RBB/Strasbourg Joe fuelled gut kicks in: Because they are bastards who hate people like him. Cowen, Martin, Kenny, Gilmore, the EU, the IMF, the bond markets, An Bord Iascaigh Mhara, they all meet to plan how to actually hurt people like him. They actually laugh, in between lobster stuffed with pheasant stuffed with foie gras, as they cut his pay.

The answers are so simple: We have gazillions in oil and gas and fish just sitting off the coast waiting to be tapped, and the rich will sit quietly and pay for everything if we just had the bottle to order them to.