Woman ditches ‘summer body’ in favour of things that are not bollocks

A WOMAN has given up her bid to look good on a one-week holiday in favour of a summer full of drink and bacon, it has emerged.

Donna Sheridan, a teacher from Cheltenham, embarked on a diet that guaranteed a ‘fit and firm summer body’ within three months, but abandoned it after realising it was utter bollocks.

Sheridan, 33, said: “Every magazine implied that if I didn’t have a ‘summer body’ on holiday people would react like I was a wild boar in a bikini.

“The diet plan I chose said I should cut out everything that is a pleasure to eat, not drink alcohol and do excessive amounts of painful exercise.

“However, after three days I realised I was missing out on the bits of life that I really enjoyed and quickly cracked into a litre of cider and quite a lot of sausages.

“The only good thing about the plan was that it said it would help me to relax and clear my mind, but my boyfriend pointed out that you can achieve that just as easily by getting hammered and falling asleep in the sun.”