Scientists Discover Humans Have No Penis Bone Because Sex Doesn’t Last Long Enough

Well here’s a little slap in the face from Mother Nature: unlike chimps, bears and most other mammals, scientists have discovered human males have no penis bone, as it’s unnecessary due to the short amount of time they spend having sex.

In an interview with The Independent, the study’s lead author Matilda Brindle, who carried out the research at University College London, said that one of the reasons that through evolution, humans had lost their penis bone, or baculum, was because we don’t have sex long enough to require one.

Someone tell that to Sting.

“The common ancestors of both primates and carnivores had a baculum,” she said. “Humans are quite weird as we’re one of the few primates that doesn’t have one,” said Brindle.

The study shows that primates who tend to mate for three minutes or more, have a longer penis bone than those who spend less time ‘getting it on’.

Penis bones from a variety of mammals. Don’t ask us what the top one is. No idea, but we’re sure it could last days in bed. (Credit: Rex Features)

“The human intromission duration tends to be below two minutes, which most people wouldn’t expect.” This news is sure to put a lot of male minds at ease.

Chimpanzees only have sex for around seven seconds at a time, and so have a very small baculum. In contrast, the aye-aye have a particularly long one as they copulate for around an hour at a time.

Brindle added that the longer penis bone is also seen in species which carry out seasonal breeding and a polygamous mating system – both of which we don’t do. Well, most people don’t…

“While polygamous mating does take place among humans, it’s not common enough to necessitate the retention of the penis bone.”

In addition, “[Human] testicles are slightly smaller [than chimps’], which indicates we don’t have such a strong selection for males mating with multiple females at the same time,” said Ms Brindle.

“That’s probably the thing that finally got rid of our baculum, that we have more monogamous mating systems.”

So there you go. In summary, we are generally monogamous beings that aren’t meant to last long in bed. Science says so.