Archive for the Kendra Wilkinson Category

Kendra Wilkinson’s got some hard nipples on her hard implants at the beginning of what will be a hard pregnancy because of the HPV, since she’s a whore. There’s nothing quite like a set of useless pregnant chick implants, I mean other than a set of useless mom impants, because watching a baby’s face after struggling to suck milk out of his mommy, only to come up empty, cuz shit is dryer than her pussy when she used to try to get turned on by Hefner, is amazing, but not as amazing as when the kid is old enough to use Wikipedia to find out his mom’s a fuckin’ whore….

Kendra Wilkinson is getting married because she’s gone and got herself pregnant, and being a piece of trash she needs her a shotgun wedding, not that that is really a reason to get married today, it’s pretty much accepted if parents aren’t married and I’m sure it has no real ill-effect on the outcome of their annoying kid, it’s just some traditional values, that its a bad look for a whore, to be a stereotype by having a kid out of wedlock, but in reality, we already knew she was a whore to begin with and this only solidifies the fact that she’s a whore, because whore’s are all about the shotgun wedding because they feel obligated or some shit.

I was walking down the street the other day with my friend and his baby and we offered a couple who were getting married on a Tuesday, which we thought was weird, his baby for one of their pictures, and they said they had a baby of their own inside her, and that explained why they were getting married on a Tuesday, she didn’t appreciate my shotgun sound effect, but in her defense, it sounded more like I was chocking on mucus….

Here are the pics.

Bridget Marquardt was there, which is only fitting, since they were in a relationship with the same man/had the same employer who they pretended they dated, up until recently….

So Kendra Wilkinson decided to keep the baby this time around, because her doctor said her womb can’t handle another abortion. It was her favorite form of contraceptive throughout her teen years and now that she’s found a nice man she’s been dating for half a minute, she figures, why the fuck not keep the little fucker, it’ll be way less annoying than the other STDs she’s landed over the years because at least he’ll reach an age where he will be able to talk back to her and have a relationship with her, instead of just inconveniencing her. The timing really couldn’t be better, she’s launching a reality TV show and there’s really nothing more that the men who would have watched her to jerk off want to see, I mean fuck a tight bodied Playboy superstar, give me the nauseating pregnant chick with nausea getting fat and more annoying than she already is. Idiots.

On a side note, if the dude in the header pic is her baby daddy, motherfucker looks nervous, like wondering what to do when you get a whore pregnant, the trick I learned is to stage a nightmare and punch them in the gut, or throw them down the stairs, or if you are ambitious, pay someone to have a horrible car accident with them.

On another sidenote, I don’t get why this bitch always rocks stupid white sneakers like she was fucking Seinfeld. I find it offensive.

I didn’t really watch this whore interview, I mean whole interview, because the second I heard her and her mom whining at each other about furniture, I was ready to suffocate both of these cunts, ideally with my cock at the same time, but unfortunately, I don’t have that kind of equipment, but it’s a fantasy and I can do anything I want. Either way, if you’re interested in hearing more about Kendra, or if you’re more into Los Angeles morning television hosts with their raspy cocaine huffin’, chain smokin’ voice and cleavage, who I would wake up to a fuck myself watching every single day, while she sucks up to E! about how great their programming is, hoping to get found and picked up onto a real network, because she’s not getting any younger, and moving to LA was not meant to be to land some local bullshit show, watch this clip

I don’t know where these whores get off producing Safe For Work content for their personal blogs, but it just doesn’t fuckin’ compute in my head.

First of all she’s a Playboy chick and in being a Playboy chick, seeing her Stripper Pole Dance like a suburban mom after work, in a pair of shorts is not fuckin’ worth looking at. You see, I have already seen her vagina, therefore, I want to see her on a pole the way she was meant to be on a fucking pole and that’s like the Playboy Feature Dancer and Heffner prostitute she is.

So whoever runs her site, maybe this kind of content would work as a cheap and manipulative way to get traffic for your other sites, like the Kim Kardashian family site, or the Audrina site, or even the Brody Jenner site, since we all know he’s a faggot, but for a Playboy chick, you’re gonna have to get some pussy lip up on here, none of this cheesy shit, even if it is what she does in her spare time…

But I guess above all, who really gives a fuck about Kendra Wilkinson in the first place…but if you do – here are the pics.

Kendra Wilinson was promoting some garbage in Poland because you know Poland is the place you go to promote when you’re a real big star, not when you’re a desperate whore trying to hold onto any fragment of fame you once had. In her defense though, maybe she was already in Poland trying to get abducted and thrown into the Eastern European sex trade, and when that didn’t work out for her because she’s not 12 years old, she had to resort back on her failing career. Nice tits.

No, I’m not talking about her vagina. That shit is weathered like your grandpa’s old catcher mitt, you know rough and tough and slowly truning grey and brittle, eventually ending up nothing more than a pile of dust….I mean she had to use it as a tool to get to the fucking top and like anything that’s been used too fuckin’ much…it dies a slow death…

I guess that’s why she keep hugging that security blanket like she was a 5 year old who experienced her father kill her mother, or some shit like had an uncle sneak into their room at night when he was visiting from out of town, you know one of those broken up kids who you don’t like being friends with in school because they are way too intense and have imaginary friends and ask you to touch their sex organs because their uncle showed them and they want to share with you.

You know, since all girls in the sex trade have daddy issues and a blanky won’t run off on your family, or hit you, or touch you wrong, or touch your sister and not you leading you to think you’re in adequate, throwing you into a life of looking for acceptance…

Here she is at the airport and why the fuck is her fiance wearing a fucking Obey shirt, is he a fucking hip hip/grafitti artist into streetwear who just happens to have the gayest fucking sandals on, or was it a gift from someone. I guess who really cares…

It’s always nice to see long lost lovers reunited for the sake of making money, you know the same motivation for their fake publicity stunt relationship. So as Bridget launches her Sexiest Beach TV show, one of those original concepts you’ve never seen before, but I am not hating on it, because I like beaches and bikinis and figure you can never have too much of them, Hefner and Kendra came out to support, why?? because they are all gettin’ paid.

Kendra Wilkinson is the kind of girl who doesn’t need to dress up for Halloween, because every time she leaves her house, she’s in a slutty costume. The only thing that would make any sense as a costume for her would be a snowsuit to cover her slut ass up, or maybe naked with a dildo in her ass to take her slutty behavior up a notch, but I in her defense, not that she needs to rationalize her sluttiness, because we all like sluts, but when you’re a Playmate who worked for Heffner as one of his staged girlfriend for a publicity stunt after he found in some small town and decided to cultivate her into what you see today, like a modern day oil prospector, but instead of the real oil, he goes to the baby oil wrestling championships at local stripclubs to find his pink and blonde gold. So being a slut is kinda all she really knows.

Speaking of Heffner, i thought about going as a poor version of him, you know get my wife and her friends in their plus sized lingerie, while wearing a ratty ass robe and a wifebeater, with a can of beer and a hand rolled cigarette, but figured it’d be lame, even if I took a viagra and walked around with a boner all night, so I’ll just watch people make asses of themselves, rather than being a person making an ass of myself, not that I don’t already do that daily, but you get what I mean….

Either way, I guess Kendra Wilkinson is going as herself before she met Hef, you know when she was just a small town whore, with an abusive husband who beat the fuck out of her, but was smart enough to do it where you couldn’t see the marks, unless she was wearing her stripper outfit, in which case they could always blame the bruises on a pole accident.

It is the off season, which means that the unemployed and Joe Six Pack can take a vacation to a resort designed for the stars that is more like Disneyland than a peaceful getaway, not that I’ve ever been to either, because that is only because I have given up on the consumer ideal of vacation, but turning my life into a permanent vacation, by not having a job and the only thing I really ever want to get away from is my wife and I can do that through hard drinking, but that’s not the point, the point is that Kendra Wilkinson, Hugh Hefner’s recently exiled girlfriend has been doing the resort circuit, last week in the Domincan, this week in the Bahamas and she gets to do such exciting and useful things like judge bikini contests. Sure it’s not saving the fucking whales, or helping fundraise for AIDS or Breast Cancer, but it’s a pretty huge accomplishment for someone who’s only ability is being able to take off her clothes for Playboy.

I was at some party this weekend and the MC on stage screamed out to the crowd that he wanted to see some titties and 30 girls pulled up their shirts. I was at the back of the crowd, by the bar, doing shots with some native who didn’t mind getting me drunk because I pretended I was native too, and missed all the tits, but I do know that when I ask girls to show me their tits, they never respond the same way, unless slapping me and calling me a loser is considered showing me their tits, but no matter how many times I tell myself that it is, I know that it isn’t.

Here’s Kendra Wilkinson at an event, doing what she’s supposed to be doing when asked to flash her fuckin’ tits. So if you happen to be a girl and you happen to be in Canada and a Mexican fat dude happens to asks you to show him your tits, this is what you are supposed to do…it isn’t code for asking you to slap me, so make it happen like you were Kendra Wilkinson getting carried away after one too many drink. Thanks in advance.

Since being kicked out of the Playboy Mansion or whatever the fuck happened to Kendra Wilkinson now that Hef’s other girlfriends/live-in prostitutes who are a little more enterprising than the prostitutes I get with or have gotten with, not that I’m the kind of guy who would pay for sex, well actually I am, but have no money and that’s got nothing to do with this post what I am trying to say is that this Kendra Wilkison bitch doesn’t need Hef’s payroll to make her a whore, she’s doing an great job of it since she’s broken free from that polygamous sex cult that is the Playboy Mansion and here she is in Vegas enjoyin the single life from this past weekend with some other whore named Bridget who I’ve never heard of.

I hate fucking golf. It reminds me of Junior executives trying to be big shots and white people. It also reminds me of work because for a summer I used to be the groundskeeper on some stuffy waspy golf course where assholes would ask me to get them towels or complain to my boss about how the green wasn’t maintained and shit like that. It made me have a serious hatred for people with money who lack any flavor. They all dressed like the same clowns, they all said the same boring racist and sex jokes and they all bored me even from a fuckin’ distance and that’s when I decided that I will never have a real job in an office, I will never take up the sport and even when you throw some tacky Playboy bitch and her panties into the mix, I still think Golf fucking sucks.

Here’s some Kendra Wilkinson drunk with a pair of Lakers Underwear on her head, because when you are a slut and you love a team and support a team, you keep their logo next to your used up weathered pussy because it’s the only way to show your affection to that team other than offering the team a chance to get whatever diseases you’re packing but they turn you down because you aren’t hot and there are better groupies to be had, I guess it’s just not like it was in highschool for her.

Either way, I have had a few drunken experiences with panties that range from sniffing them, to taking them off passed out girls, to having sex with them when they were sitting in a laundry pile, to wearing them but for some reason no one gave a shit enough about me to take pictures and document the moment like they did for this whore.

Recap: Old client WR flew me to LA for his 50th to nail me for cash. WR puts me up in a hotel, which is weird since I slept over in my hooker days. He hurriedly shows me his Brentwood estate, avoiding the bedroom. I ask for a glass of water. Maybe we can do a quick slam over the breakfast table? My gift to him: I’m generous like that. I hop up on the kitchen counter, flashing some panty. WR keeps his distance. I notice a pad by the phone with a number and a restaurant scribbled in frilly female writing (?).

I’m not invited to the birthday bash, but he’ll pick me up later… It’s 3:30 am and he’s finally fucking me bent over the rail of his boat in Marina del Rey. I’m staring into the dark water while he pinches my nipples. Realization: I am a kept woman. I am not in control. I cut him off, grab his balls and confront… Cunt is dating a gold-digger bent on killing my plan of him dying childless/ alone from his cholesterol issue. I don’t want to marry the douche, I just want to be the hot piece he remembers while writing his will in between strokes.

I squeeze his balls harder, angry: the contact we kept over the years was a waste. He’s not the lonely twat I knew. He’s about to nest. I’m the lonely one now, making out in bars with guys who buy me drinks. I hate him… So I push him to the deck and savagely bone him in ways his new princess never will… I come hard and he pinches a nerve in his back… In the car, he tells me I can have the weekend off, but to be on call Monday night. So I went to San Diego and did the only thing a kept woman at the end of the line can do: spend the weekend slut’n it up in a bar.

Here is Kendra Wilkinson slut’n it up in a bar in Chicago Friday night because she is a kept woman playing second fiddle to Hef’s obvious favorite girlfriend, Holly Madison. Like mine, her days are numbered. I feel her pain. Not really. She is busted in the face and dumber than dirt.