Tybee Island DA Wants To Know Why Mice Get All The Good Medicine - Wants Answers

DA Believes Mice Will Take Over The World If We Keep Giving Them Cures For Diseases

Tybee Island District Attorney, Tommy Cock, is demanding that the FDA stop giving ground breaking drugs and medical treatment to mice; but instead administer them to humans, in a poorly worded letter, mailed yesterday.

The note, filled with grammar errors, typos and spelling mistakes has been passed to this news agency; below is the transcript:

Dear FDA,

I resently (sic) read that scientizts (sic) say they have moved a step closer to being able to grow a complete human ear from a patient's cells and that the researchers had grown an artificial ear, the size of a baby's, on a mouse.

Why?

A mouse does not need a human ear on his back. This ear should go to a human, and on his hed (sic).

I also read that cancer drugs and other treatments have been given to mice - again, why are you curing cancer in mice but not reel (sic) people?

My name is Tommy Cock, and I am the District Attorney for tybie (sic) izland (sic). I am 33 and a three quarters and like cartoons. My mommy said I can now mail this lettuce(sic).

Yurs (sic)

Tommy Cok(sic) DA.

Cock, who has been voted Tybee's top intellectual five years running, also believes in a man who lives in the sky who has a beard and created the world in less than a week.