A cancer diagnosis often leads to many different emotions. These can be overwhelming for both you and your loved ones. Sharing and talking can help everyone cope with these feelings that are part of the cancer journey.

Even though it can be hard, it’s a good idea to talk about your feelings instead of keeping them inside. Hiding your feelings can use up energy that you need to deal with the cancer in day-to-day life. Talking about and sharing how you feel can help you:

feel better and more in control

relieve stress

feel less alone or isolated

understand your feelings and make them seem less overwhelming or strange

Some people try to protect loved ones by hiding worries or difficult emotions behind smiles. Spending lots of energy hiding your feelings doesn’t leave you a lot of energy for dealing with cancer in your day-to-day life. When you’re living with cancer, you have many reasons to be upset, scared or angry.

You don’t need to pretend that you are cheerful when you’re not.

Try to talk about all of your feelings, not just the happy ones.

Strong emotions, like anger, fear, shame or helplessness can be hard to discuss. Many people are very uncomfortable with these feelings.

Well-meaning relatives or friends may think that they have to keep everything focused on the positive and act very cheerful with you. Unfortunately, this can make you feel more alone and isolated because you may feel that they don’t want to hear your worries or fears about your cancer. You might want to say:

“I’ve noticed that you’re trying very hard to be brave and positive, but sometimes I don’t feel very brave. What about you?”

“Sometimes, when you’re so cheerful, I think that you don’t really want to hear about how I’m feeling. That makes me feel alone when you are here.”

Remember there is no right or wrong way to feel. You are allowed to feel however you like.

Talk when you feel like talking. You may want to talk on some days, but not on others.

Say that you don’t know exactly what you’re feeling, if that’s the case. Sometimes it’s hard to find the words for how you feel.

Try to use words to describe your feelings, rather than acting them out. Being rude, shouting or slamming doors can stop a conversation and make others feel bad. Describing your feelings by saying something like, “Today I’m feeling really angry about being diagnosed with cancer,” can lead to a conversation and better understanding.

Don’t feel that you have to say something all the time.

Try not to fill silence with words or be uncomfortable with silence. Silence can help people pull their thoughts together. Give people time to find their own words.

Recognize that other people’s emotions may be different from the ones that you are feeling.

Acknowledge other people’s feelings. If a person says, “I’m really worried,” you might try saying, “That must be very hard for you sometimes,” or “I can understand that,” rather than “Oh, don’t worry. Everything is going to be fine.”

Don’t be afraid to cry. Strong feelings around cancer are completely normal. Tears can often say more than words.

Don’t be afraid of strong emotions like anger or fear.

Be open to humour and laughter. It can often help break tension or bring people closer together, especially if you’ve used humour as a way to cope in the past.

Remember that you can say that you don’t know what’s going to happen or how you are going to cope.

Tell people how much they mean to you and that it’s important to you to have them in your life.

It can be tiring and stressful telling different people the same news over again each time. It may be helpful to choose someone you trust to communicate for you as your own personal spokesperson. This person can let people know how you’re doing and where you are in the cancer journey. You can tell them what you’d like other people to know and how much detail to share.

This person may be the one you ask to make phone calls, write emails or post updates on social media. They may also help you respond to the emails and phone calls, if you’re too tired or not feeling up to doing this alone.