Saturday, March 22, 2014

Ashley Madison - The Cheese in the Mousetrap (4th Nov 2013)

Our Singapore Happenings Monday, 4th November 2013

Ashley Madison – The Cheese in the Mousetrap

Recently Ashley Madison, a Canadian-based adultery website, announced its plans
to set up business in Singapore. Following which, there was an immediate
outpour of disapproval from Singaporeans with a Facebook group “Block Ashley
Madison- Singapore” which has garnered over 26,000 likes. The main goal of the
Facebook group was to drum up support for the MDA to ban the website upon its
arrival to Singapore.

It is good to note that websites promoting infidelity are already present in
Singapore, thus with Ashley Madison’s arrival, the concept of an online dating
website for married couples is nothing new. But if Ashley Madison do make its
debut and deploy its massive marketing machine, it will definitely make the
concept of infidelity more known amongst Singaporeans. This concept which
may be foreign to some previously may now subconsciously be an option for them.
In addition, such “in-the-face” advertisements may arouse curiosity and
encourage individuals to give such experience a shot. This may then become an
addiction that cannot be stopped.

If the government does ban Ashley Madison, which I think they should, it will
largely be for symbolic reasons. The government will send a message that this website
promotes values that are socially unacceptable in our society and has to be
stopped. However, such banning will not solve the issues on hand. Firstly, it
will not work as anyone can still access the website with a VPN if they want to
and as mentioned, there are other websites available for such purpose.
Secondly, banning the website will not solve the root cause of the problem.
Infidelity is already happening in Singapore and will continue to worsen if our
societal and personal values are shaky.

If anything, Ashley Madison and other online dating websites serve as tests for
our commitment to our personal and social values. These are after all
businesses that profit from the demand of such services. Thus, if we can as a
society lessen the demand, by making sound personal decisions, the business may
one day no longer be profitable. But before we proceed on to discuss how to put
a stop to infidelity, we need to first ask ourselves why it happens.

There are many reasons why infidelity can happen. One reason could be the lack
of trust and faith in a marriage. It could be a result of long standing
misunderstandings and lack of communication between the couple. With a rocky
relationship with the spouse, it sets the stage for infidelity to happen.
Infidelity can often be perceived as a “get-away” for one partner from the
problems in one’s relationship. The other reason can be the lack of
family warmth and support. There could be a myriad of causes from financial to
children to parents. These may cause the individual to feel that he/she cannot
turn to his family for emotional support or to fall back on their family.

The government has been proactive in advocating for pro family policies at
workplaces and on a national level. But the government can only do so much; a
lot is still up to the individual.

I am in no position to advice but it may be helpful to seek first to
understand. We see and perceived things according to our own paradigm and past
experiences. Thus what we see and understand may not be same as our spouses;
then misunderstandings will naturally occur. Thus it will help to see things
from the others point of view and more often than not, we will realise that our
spouses mean well.

Secondly, it is about being proactive. Being proactive in your family life;
being part of your children’s education. By being involved, you are renewing
your commitment to your family and in turn developing strong bonds within the
family. It is natural that we are caught up with work as it gives us tangible
rewards such as promotions and pay increments but these tangible rewards will
not be with us for our lifetime. However, investing in these relationships
would.

If we continuously do the above and enjoy the strong family bonds in the
process, couples will start believing in the power of the institution of
marriage and will be less likely to go astray. In addition, if we live a
principled life, one guided by morals and values and not by temptations, we can
be sure that we will not fall for the cheese in the mousetrap.

Then
we can stand as one and say: “To hell with Ashley Madison. You can tempt us,
but you can’t get us”.

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Author's Bio

Shaun Yeo is currently an active grassroots volunteer in the Kembangan-Chai Chee constituency who spearheads youth-centric projects in the area. He has a personal interest in local current affairs, having launched a Facebook note series called Our Singapore Happenings chronicling and analysing pertinent issues in the little red dot. He is a contributor on Popspoken - Entertainment & lifestyle news with a pulse on the issues that matter.