Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Logline Critique Round Three #17

TITLE: Witch Way Down
GENRE: Urban Fantasy

A practicing psychic and struggling witch, Grace Taylor uses her psychic gifts to help the NOPD solve monster-related crime until her picture makes the newspapers and a vampire intent on revenge marks her as his next target. The good guys want to use her, the bad guys want to kill her, and Grace must decide how far she’s willing to go in order to survive.

8 comments:

You have me until the very last, 'how far she's willing to go in order to survive.' This makes it sound like she might not want to survive? Maybe something like 'Grace struggles to make dangerous decisions that can mean life or death.Nice job.

This first line makes it point but it needs to be trimmed so we have only the necessary information. As written, we have a psychic and witch and monsters and a vampire but what seems to matter is that she is a witch who used her psychic powers to catch a vampire who now wants revenge.

Next, tell us why this will actually be hard and don't use vague decisions. If you want to show a stake that is in balance with her own life, it needs to be big and it needs to be specific.