Menu

Love Letters

This is a collection of over love letters we wish we could write & receive. If you could ever find the courage to send a love letter, please send us a copy to post. Even if you desire to remain anonymous, we want to add your love to our collection. Please email your love letters to youareremarkablerevolution@gmail.com.

I.
The first time I met you my stomach was lifted into my throat by one million butterflies & I nearly lost my shit. You caught me joking about what I would do to you if I got you alone & you laughed. I caught you watching me & laughed as well. That smile, I want to suck the enamel off your teeth some late night as we watch the city come alive. I want to watch the sunrise from balconies with you after a night spent discussing politics. I want to get under your skin. I want to listen & absorb your idea’s/ideals. I want to study the geography of your body. I want to start a revolution with you. I want to write secret notes on your back as you sleep next to me. But what I really want is to tell you that regardless of everything, I love you. Even if you never love me back… I love you. I hope that when you’re lying in bed after a night spent in some distant state or country, watching terrible TV that you don’t feel alone. I love you.

II.
The first time I met you your nervous laugh made me nervous. You made me feel as though there was nothing I could say that could articulate the waves in my stomach. I was taken back by your smile & the words you spoke. You’re beautiful & it radiates from inside you. I love you & I hope I get the chance to tell you.

III.
Right now, you are working on your stage movement sonnet and all I wanna do is be right there with you, encouraging you and letting you know what really is inside my heart. Right now, I am inside this laundry room, listening to your frustrated voice. While I don’t per se love you in a total romantic way, I care deeply about you and I do have romantic feelings. You have become one of my best friends, and this is why you don’t even know yet.

I wish that you felt the same way too. But until that day comes, I will suffer willingly and whole-heartedly. Just for you.

IV.
I sometimes write poems, and when I read them later, I realize they were about you. I sometimes look at the sky, and when I feel happy seeing a flock of geese or a bright red cardinal, I think of the elation and power and happiness you bring to me. I sometimes do the craziest shit, but I always wish you were there to see. I sometimes lie down in the river behind school in the spring, and while my blood cools under the pulsating light through the trees, in a place where wind has more force and penetration, I allow your being to enter my mind, and I let it seep out into the river. It travels through the water and towards the banks, and it is now embedded in trees and grass and flowers.

You will always interest me, and therefore I will always love you. I will watch you button your shirt slowly and carefully, and that will be enough. I will see you smile when I tell a joke or say something stupid and that will be enough. I will hear you groan over some sort of unfortunate circumstance and hearing the sound of you while being invited to share in your passing annoyance, and that will be more than enough. You are everything interesting and exciting in the world. You make experiencing anything worthwhile and enjoyable. As long as you’re around, everything is right, and nothing bothers me.

I forget everything when you come into my mind.

V.
The night after we first spoke, I went outside and wished on the brightest star that all my happiness could be given to you so that you could feel better. I know you think wishing on stars is cliche and naive. But that’s me. In fact, I am so naive that I like to imagine that you still think about me now, three years later. I like to think that you sometimes wonder about me, sometimes wish you could tell me secrets and tell me jokes like you used to.

But even if you don’t, even if I was nothing but a blip on the grand radar of your beautiful life, that’s okay. You taught me more about myself than any other person, and in return I can only hope that you know how much I will always love you. I wish, still, after all this time, that you’re the happiest person on the planet. I wish for you love, joy and hope. Not because you gave me those things. But because you taught me how to find them in myself. I will never forget you.

VI.
I am writing to you to let you know, I have loved you for a very long time.

VII.
I want to move in with you. Because I feel sad when I’m not with you. I can’t sleep soundly when I’m not with you. I woke up the other morning and my shoulders were aching because you weren’t there to hold them straight with your arms around me. I don’t think you want me to live with you though. You don’t think we’ll have sex as often as we do, you think I’ll get bored of you, you think I’ll want you to entertain me all the time. But I wont. I want to be in the room next door to you and tap Morse code against our wall when I can’t sleep. I want to slip long lover letters under your door. I want to make you coffee in the morning. I want to give you your mail and I want you to come to the shops with me every day to buy groceries. It’s not that I’m scared of being alone, or scared of being out of love. I’m just scared of not being with you, however that may be.

VIII.
One night I dreamt about you. Shyly you looked me in the eyes and asked, “How do you know?” Taking one long breath I began to explain that things are just different with you. I have never in my entire life had these feelings before. It is a feeling of being scared and excited, with a bit of pleasure mixed in. Some dreams do come true, though, as you must know. For me, this dream I speak of is true. When I see you my body trembles with joy and my heart beats wildly in my chest. I’m always surprised to find out that no one around me can hear my heart beating so loudly. Not wanting to say the wrong words to you, I sometimes just sit back and observe you. Like the way your eyes literally shine, how your nose adorably moves when you say certain words, or how kind and loving you are to those you care for. You make me want to be a better person: to do what is best for myself. But in all honesty, you are what is best for me. When I am around you, my true self comes out and it makes me feel great to know that I am able to be the real me when you are around. On August 8th I started to write about you. Sure, I wrote poems of love. But embarrassingly enough, I mainly wrote down special little things you would say and facts about yourself that you would reveal to me. I do this because you are someone that is so extremely special to me that I never want to forget these things about you. That’s how much you mean to me. There is so much I could write down of how much I feel for you. But I am afraid that I do not have the time, the paper, nor the writing ink to do so because there is so much! Maybe you do not even need me to write it all down. You have a way of knowing what I feel anyways. But know this– you are the hope and the future I have always dreamt of and need. I want you to stay with me forever. To laugh, cry, create, love and live with me for the rest of my life. For the first time in my life I can say that I truly know myself and I know that I love you, James. I will always love you, forever.

IX.
Every time I see you walking in a crowd of people, I don’t see anyone else but you – even if what you’re wearing that day is a very ugly shirt. Even if I pass by and pretend to be too stoned to notice you, I really am very happy to see you. My friends say that you’re really no good for me at all, but there’s something about you that makes me all strange and giddy inside. I lie in the grass at midnight and think about how you made a complete humiliation of yourself in front of everyone last year. Or, I think about all those times that you were a complete idiot, and the fact that even when you try your hardest, you let me down sometimes. I think about all these things and smile. You are a human, and I love the fact that you make me feel infinite.

Without thinking, I just put up a black cover over my window to make my room completely dark and when I realized what I was doing, I broke down crying. It’s been so hard for me to cry. It’s been this torturous anxiety overwhelming me, eating me alive. My heartbeat sits in my throat but I can’t seem to cry. I can’t sleep. I want to sleep so badly. I want to sleep all day, to forget I exist. Each day I push it away, I try to forget, but slowly it fills my head. To have to hear it from her first that you didn’t love me anymore, even as a friend. If you loved me, you wouldn’t have done this to me. I was darkening my room so I could take my medicine and fall asleep. It’s not even noon and I’m looking for a way out. The crying wasn’t even so much crying as an overwhelming lack of oxygen. I panicked and I couldn’t breathe and nothing is real. Nothing is real and you’re gone. I don’t know what to do. I honestly don’t know what to do and I’ve never been more scared in my life. Everyone thinks I’m ok, I’ll be ok, but for once I don’t think I will. How could you? How could you? I can’t breathe anymore. You’re all gone. None of you ever loved me, or I wouldn’t be looking for a way out. Why doesn’t anybody ever see the warning signs? I’m so tired. I fucking loved you. God, I loved you so much.

X.
If this ain’t love than I don’t know. The feelings I have it so hard to explain… I have never felt this way before. Is this love or just some kind of touch? But whatever this is, I know there is a meaning to it. On the day that u introduce the meaning of love to me I knew it was truly unconditional. I might not fully know how to described it but I know what I’m feeling. If my mind can’t be right than my heart must be. I use to say love is a crazy thing but it has taken control off my heart and mind. I fear that if having my love mean u have gain the ability to hurt me more than anyone ever will or has than I will take the chances cause loving you mean so much to me. Nothing to lose but a lesson to learn…

XI.
My love letter stopped being a love letter the night that I fell in love with another man, who loves me more and better than you ever could, but you still deserve to know that when I said I loved you, I meant it. I loved your dark eyes and your long fingers and your snowy hair. I loved the way the roads were silent all around us when we walked together in the middle of the night when it snowed. I loved the way your eyes sparked beneath the streetlamps in the wintertime. I know you are confused, and lonely, and you don’t know quite what you want in life, and it’s why you ran away from me, and probably why you left the woman you left me for. I hope that someday you can find the kind of happiness I have found with my new love – the warm, sun-filled joy of holding hands and butterfly kisses. I loved you, and even though I don’t anymore, I hope that someday you find someone else who wants you to be as happy as I did. I hope that next time, you let them give you everything. I would be a coward and a liar if I said that I didn’t love you. Love is a frightening thing; it entails laying your heart on a cutting board, handing someone a knife, yet trusting that they won’t use it. Giving my love to you means giving you the power to hurt me more than anyone can or has ever had the ability to. It is then expected – no, required – that if you accept this love of mine, you understand these things. You must summon the courage to assume the responsibility of the precious gift you now hold. But somehow it seems incorrect to call my love a gift – you have earned every loving thought, every kind word, every caring gesture. ‘Giving’ love to you implies that you don’t deserve it, and that couldn’t be further from the truth. Love is the most valuable thing I have in this world and I wouldn’t just give it away.

XII.
This love I have for you – it’s hard to describe, yet easy to feel. It’s difficult to convey save for the actions of every day life. I don’t know how to tell you that I love you without making you uncomfortable or scaring you away. I suppose saying it isn’t really necessary, since giving the condition a name doesn’t change its qualities…however, I can’t help but feel there’s something to say about the inability to say it at all. I understand that receiving love, and loving someone in return, is terrifying. You’re not the sort to make yourself vulnerable and neither am I. Love makes you weak in a way, I guess you could say…but more importantly, it makes you strong. This is just one of the reasons that I love love, and love loving you in particular.

You seem to want a definition…yet I don’t have one. I will never have one. Love, at least to me, includes so many things that I don’t even know where or how to begin. Yet if you can’t just trust that you love someone – that you think of them more fondly than others in a peculiar way; admire them for the things that make them who they are and respect them for these very same attributes – then maybe you will never be able to love. Love is and will always be a leap of faith. Just like in life, there is no sure thing in love. You just have to trust. There is no answer – you just know. Yet there’s no way to ‘know’, especially if you pick it apart. Eventually love will be destroyed by all the prodding, analyzing and dissection.

If there is any way to ‘know’ love – any sort of way to describe or define it – this is highly subjective. Love, at least to me, is selfless yet completely selfish. I love you for who you are and would do most anything for you if you needed me to. This selfless love is something quite gradual that grows as I get to know you better and catch glimpses of your innate, immutable qualities – your kindness, your integrity, your character. While human beings are continuously mutating creatures, I do believe that there are things in us that are tested by life and time, yet do not change. This is the foundation of a human being, maybe it’s the soul, I don’t know – but these are the very things that I see in you every day. I can’t help but love this man who exhibits many of the qualities that I admire, and also hope to possess. Selfless love leads to selfish love. I also love you for my own sake – for how you improve my life by driving me to be kinder and more understanding; changing the way I see myself and the world; making me question and even strengthen my beliefs and values. Yet it’s also just as simple as the fact that you make me feel wonderful and help me enjoy life just a little more than I would without you.

I want to know what you think about love. I admit, I don’t understand why you shy away from love the way you do. I can’t help but think that the more one stresses over ‘knowing’ what love is, the more likely he will be to let it slip by. There is no way to ‘know’ other than by the standards you, and you alone, create for yourself. As I’ve already said, it’s a scary thing, but it is so worth the risk. And if you think of love, and if you think of possibly loving me – I hope you realize that there isn’t much risk involved. If you haven’t already then I haven’t been doing a very good job of being your girlfriend this year and your friend of nearly a decade more.

I am sorry for bringing up something that obviously makes you uncomfortable, but I hope you can understand the position that I am in. I am nearly 23 years old, about to graduate from college, and am completely in love with a man that I am not sure loves me in return, or even wants my love at all. Please don’t be mistaken – this is not an ultimatum, and my feelings for you won’t go away. I just want you to think about love. And possibly loving me. Or at least raising the issue of why you don’t love me, or why you are wary of love.

I truly believe that life is too short to let fly by without telling the important people in your life how you feel. That, in effect, is why I wrote this letter. I just hope that one day I have the courage to give it to you.

XIII.
I remember the first day I met you. The sparkle in your eyes was equivalent to a million stars. You waved at me during football games. Sometimes I’d catch you looking at me in that way… When I see you do that, I feel like gravity has just lifted me to an extreme high and I’m floating in space. I still have doubts that you like me, it hurts so badly, I know that you can ease the pain. Sometimes I feel like I could kill all of those fat ass butterflies…its just like I’m filled with anger at the thought of me liking you and you not liking me back. Yeah, it sounds so middle school, but it’s real life and every time I feel sad or angry or something. You read me like a book and I feel like I can talk to you about anything… And then I remember the first day I met you. That was the day you invited me to sit net to you. We shared secrets. We shared body heat. Even if you don’t like me, I’ll always remember how your eyes sparkle like a million stars. I love you.

XIV.
The worst and best part about having broken up with you is that I still love you. I still absolutely adore you.

It is wonderful because there is nothing as beautiful as being in love. Even though you are literally on the opposite coast, even though we only speak every few weeks, even though our Facebook statuses have read “single” for the past five months, nothing has waned my love. You, you will always be beautiful to me. Maybe someday I will fall out of love with you. Maybe this love will turn to a one that hungers only for friendship. Maybe someday I will meet your spirit again, this time without the whole college-moving-away deal. Maybe this time we can be near each other. Maybe this time, so many things that didn’t will fall into place.

It is terrible because everything I know you are tired, hurting, or just plain grumpy, I want to be the one who soothes your pain. And when you’re happy, I want to share in your happiness. And I know that we are supposed to move on, but I can’t. Because I Love You.

I hope that one day, we will be able to be as close as we were before you left. I hope that, at the very least, we can be best friends again.

I miss you. Love, me.

XV.
I love you. There, I said it. I’ve said it to you twice before. And I want to say it to you every single time I talk to you. You told me once, when we were fighting at REI. I was so taken aback and you were too. I haven’t seen you in almost three months. Oh, how I cried myself to sleep for weeks when you first left. But I will see you in two weeks and I’m scared. I’m scared because everything in the world tells me that I shouldn’t love you. Friends, family, circumstance, my gut. But I love you. More than I ever thought possible. I didn’t know men like you really existed out there. You’ve changed my life. But I understand that just because I love with you all that I am, doesn’t mean that we should be together again once you return. Our lives are so different right now and will continue to be on different paths indefinitely. So when I see you, I’m going to recklessly love you and forget about everything. For a moment, the world is going to be you and me. No one else. I will push my hurt, distrust and insecurities aside for a brief moment in time. And just lovelovelove you.

XVI.
Dear you, I’ve been searching for words these past few days but when I open my mouth all that comes out are animal noises. Cries of sadness, anger, everything. I don’t know how to be sad & right now I’m not strong enough to pretend. I remember the first time I saw you. Walking down Main Street with your long hair & your white tee shirt. You looked so tough. You made my heart pump pump pump. You never stopped making my heart pump pump pump. Nine long years. You had a way about you that I’ve never seen. You had power, passion, coursing through your veins. I could see it in your eyes, read it in your words, hear it in your voice. You were the type of person no one could forget, even if they wanted. You were the type of person who could smile & everything would be okay. You made the world a better place. Everything that has flashed in my mind these long few days doesn’t translate into words. It’s just imagines, memories, songs. Everything reminds me of you. Honestly, knowing you had a big part in shaping the person I am today. I think a lot of people can say that. It all happened so soon. So abruptly. It’s as if your heart was too much for your little body to hold. It’s almost as if you were too much for this world. I miss you. I don’t want to say goodbye & I almost feel like I won’t have to. You’ve left part of yourself in everything you’ve ever done, so we won’t ever really have to say goodbye. I love you. Forever & always.

XVII.
I still write to you everyday in my head. I imagine that letter just dropped in the mailbox is from you – I can see your handwriting. I still lie awake at night and remember my fingers on your stubbly face in the dark.

You gave me a reason. You filled be up with a passion so much that it overflowed my eye sockets and shone in pools on the floor. I knew you were something, but I still don’t know what. But I know that you changed me, I will never be the same because I love you now. I will always love you. I think that makes me a traitor and a liar and a cheat, but I still love you anyway.

XVIII.
Dear Dad,

You are my hero and my role model. I don’t think you’ve ever understood the only person I’ve ever wanted to be like is you.

Love, Boo

XIX.
You are my everything. I never believed in love at first sight and I still don’t, but ours is probably as close as it can get. It all happened so fast, we happened so fast… But we lasted, and we will last for a long time if it depends on me. I love you. I always have and I always will. If I could put my feelings into one word, I wouldn’t be able to do it, because what we have is greater than that. If at times it seems like I don’t care about you or about your feelings, I’m sorry. I do care. Every time you are down and troubled and mad or whatever, I feel the same way, but worse because I can’t help you. I try but it’s just too hard on me sometimes. But always and no matter what, count on me, darling, because I’ll be here and I know you know it too. Someday I will marry you and we’ll be happy, but right now we are just too young. I’ll be yours forever. ♥

XX.
Hey you, my Arabic confidant:

Do you remember the first time we met? I was drunk and entered your apartment with six beers in my backpack and an unlit cigarette in my mouth. I introduced myself and asked if I could smoke inside. You laughed, said yes, handed me a lighter. You were wearing a Japanese kimono and the current student president of the school. I knew then that I wanted to know you for the rest of my life. Then in September you told me I was” the loveliest lady at NEC.” this time you were drunk and smoking in my living room. I was not wearing a kimono. You kissed me on the cheek. You talked me through the rejection when your roommate used me for sex and told me I was unattractive. You took me to the doctor and held my hand while I waited to see if the cancer was back. You cried with me when it wasn’t. We had that conversation in your kitchen one night, when you said that you loved me, and that you wanted to love me for a long time, but you could not express that in bed because you are leaving in six months and I am not. You said that in this sense I am not your type. Unfortunately you are my type, and I cannot tell you about my rejection– this time you are the rejecter. This time the cancer is back and I cried on your bed all night last night, you held me for a minute and then watched YouTube videos: “extreme tooth brushing” and “funny faces and sounds I can make, volume three”. You woke me up and walked me home, told me I was going to be okay. The truth is I’m not going to be okay. One day, eight months or a year from now I will be ashes scattered in the wind, because a burial plot is for the living. I will love you for the rest of my short, fast, scary life. It is now full of uncertainty, but the one thing I can count on is my love for you. Limited time is better than not trying at all. I told you I am in a constant state of waiting for the other shoe to drop. You are that other shoe. I am going to love you until the day this cancer takes me over and my mind is no longer mine. I want you to love more. Love, love, love your Viking queen.

XXI.
To the man I haven’t met yet: Tell me you’ll hold me tight and never let me go… I will be yours forever.

XXII.
I find it remarkable your zeal for learning, against all odds. I love it when you laugh at my absent-mindedness. Our time together is spent fondly, never a waste of my time. With every new thing I learn about you I feel a sharp, sudden intake of breath with the realization that I am falling. I know right now you can’t say anything back but I yearn to pass my fingertips gently over the hair on your forearms as we embrace. We are more than I thought a connection I could be involved in could be – being around you at once crushes my self-esteem and awakens my heart.

And I wish every moment would stop so you and I can at least have our chance.

XXIII.
All these years, I have never stopped thinking about you. You are always in the back of my mind. Even if you didn’t feel the same, I know that I loved you. I know that I love you, still. You know how everyone always says that your first love never fades? It’s true. I will always wish to be with you, no matter what happens. I can’t erase my memories of you, even if I wanted. It makes me sad thinking about you but happy also. I love you. I’ve wanted to tell you that for a long time…I love you I love you I love you. Why did I give up?

XXIV.
There are no words that can really express what I feel about you. The first time I met you I didn’t even have one second to wonder. I saw you, and your eyes, the eyes that made me fall faster and harder then I ever have in my life, took me in and swept me away. I was hopeless before you even knew my name. After that day, the day that I didn’t say anything to you but felt like I had told you my life story if only you were alert enough to listen. Every other guy turned to nothing more than smoke. I saw no more of them and I never have. That day I had a test the period after I saw you and I never answered one question. I barely realized I had the test, when I had been studying for days. When I think about you I stop what I’m doing and my heart speeds up and I start trembling and I can’t form coherent sentences. I try my hardest but you drew me in. whenever we fight or get mad or anything I am ready to do anything to fix it. When I’m not by your side and I’m alone in my bed I think about you and my heart aches because I just want to hold you close and protect you and have you protect me because that’s all that matters that we’re still together and nothing can tear us apart. I don’t know how to make you believe that I love you. The only thing that I most want is for you to know that I will always love you. I want to be a part of your life for now and forever. That’s a big promise to make when were this age, but its true. There is no possible way for me to justify this unless you get inside me and feel what I feel for you. When I see you I could stare at your face for ages and not blink. I try to sometimes, but I always break away when you catch me looking and give me that funny little look with only one dimple, my special smile. I could spend days just learning what you like and what you don’t just to commit it to memory so I wont ever have to second guess myself when I do something for you. I love you. You have changed my life completely and utterly. I don’t want to ever leave. You are the only one that I could never leave. I would do anything to make you feel better. I know you’re scared because that’s a big chip on your shoulder to make sure I’m okay but you don’t have to worry about a thing because as long as you’re happy and I’m the one making you happy it will be okay. Don’t be hard on yourself I love you for you. I love you like no one could love anyone else. I want to be the person you confide in, your lover, your friend, your protector, your protected, your girl, your baby, yours. I want you to be mine I want to have a claim to you that no one else can ever have because you’re mine. I love you. I want to be with you more than I could ever want anybody or anything else. I want you. I love you. Please… love me back, and never let me go.

XXV.
I want to go back to that night.

I want you to forget everything I’ve ever said to you. It wasn’t me, the real me. I didn’t know how to act towards you. You are so secretive, and it pulled me closer. I wanted to know you. I wanted you to trust me with the things that are hurting you. I’m sorry if I freaked you out. I have just never felt such a mutual feeling upon meeting someone before. I didn’t know how to handle it.

It’s so silly for me to want all of this. Maybe I met you so this could be a lesson to myself. So I could not be afraid to be myself ever again.

XXVI.
I love you.

I’m not sure exactly what that means. It’s scary. I don’t even really know you well enough to say those words… but I love every single bit of you I know so far.

You are sweet, and kind, and beautiful. Your smile makes my heart skip a beat. I could swim in the blue of your beautiful eyes. They make me melt. They make me suddenly become so many things I am normally not… uncertain. Awkward. Weird. Afraid. Vulnerable. Unable to speak.

I look at you and see the snapshots of imaginary moments of us together. Laughing. Holding hands. Holding each other. Singing. Dancing. Tangled up sweetly, quietly, closely. So very happy.

There are so many reasons that I can’t tell you all of this: I am terrible at relationships and I’ve left the broken wreckage of so many of them behind me. I couldn’t stand to ever hurt you. I am also afraid that you could hurt me. I am not sure if you even remotely feel anything like what I feel for you. There is so much to risk. So many problems could happen because we also work together.

Neither of us are the kind of people that take the first step. Neither of us would put ourselves out there. We are reserved. Even shy sometimes. Proper. Guarded.

So I don’t know if there will ever be anything more than this… I can dream about it, and hope that some incredibly lucky moment will change things, but that moment might never come.

But I want you to know that I think you are amazing. Even if after you read this you wonder forever who wrote it… know that somebody’s heart will race every time they see you. Somebody’s breath will catch when you smile. Even when you are tired, or when you are having a bad day, somebody you know thinks that you are just right and wishes we lived in a world where we could be something so much more.

XXVII.Love letter emails sent between a bird & her beau.

Her to Him: sent while in bed

Sometimes, late at night I lay awake and watch you sleep. Through the sliver of moonlight that spills across your face and onto my sheets, I observe your peaceful slumber. I close my eyes and try and surrender myself to such a sleep. But I can’t. Instead I burrow my way into you. I wiggle myself back until I am resting comfortably in your warm, soft nook. As if by instinct your arms wrap around me and you let out a long, slow sigh. Your soft breath tickles my neck, and your feet shift to try and warm mine. Even while sleeping you are silently taking care of me. I listen to the nothingness that surrounds us. I am always amazed at the silence. Where has the city gone? Am I really the only one still awake?

My eyes have adjusted to the darkness. I scan the piles of clothes, the silent piano and the stacks of books that reside around my room. The green glow of the digital clock reminds me it is late. Like an angry mother it scolds me for being awake at such an hour, and so I try again to sleep. I listen to your deep, steady breaths and try to match them. First I’m too slow, then too fast. Finally we breathe together. In and out. In and out. I am suddenly aware of our hearts beating. If I think hard enough, can I really feel your heart through mine? Can I convince our heats to beat together simultaneously? I relax and concentrate. Breath for breath, beat by beat; like a metronome keeping time with our bodies I wait until we’ve become one singular beating, breathing organism. Are you aware of this synchronization? You in dreamland, me in reality. I’m tempted to wake you up and ask about your dreams. Was I there? Could you feel me? As I roll over to look at your face it starts to rain. The drops ping and ting the air-conditioner that hangs precariously six stories high outside my window. You’ve rolled onto your back now and our breaths have varied. You let out a little snore, a mumble and your hand searches for me under the covers. You settle on my left thigh and give it a little pat before you relax back into your deep-breathing slumber.

My eyes are beginning to droop and the room is turning fuzzy. The winter wind roars outside the window, but I am unaware of its cold breath, as I lay contently entangled in your legs, wrapped in your warmth, in the middle of this long, December night

Him to Her: sent while separated over Christmas break

As I lay awake in my dusty room this morning, Before the sunrise, before my Dad wakes up to make coffee for my mom at 6, before Riley decides to take his morning patrol of the property, all I can think about is you. Not even our sex. Just wishing you were by my side to hold my arm like you do. I can feel the warmth of your body against mine and your steady breath on my neck. I really think that the reason God gave me such terrible health is because he had to give me something to worry about. With a girlfriend as caring and loving as you, He’ll have to try a little harder. Can’t wait to see you tonight. I love you.

XXVIII.
I wish I could make things less complicated between us. I wish I could tell you that I’ve been waiting for you for over a year for you and now I that finally found someone else, being with him makes me feel more confident around you and also kind of angry. It makes me want to yell at you and pummel your chest and tell you that I’ve been waiting, always fucking waiting, always hoping you would see that I have been silently loving you this whole time. It makes me want to just smile and tell you that now that now that I have someone, I can finally just be upfront with you: I love you romantically and non-romantically, and I will probably still love you romantically for at least a little bit longer.

I told you once that I worry that if I don’t end up with an ex, I will always think of him, but I also worry that I won’t ever be able to let go of you either. Echoes of you reverberate everywhere. You somehow got built into the fiber of my life in this city, and it’s both comforting and awful. I can’t ever escape you; because you have been my friend, my boss, my pseudo-therapist, the man I was dating, my source of advice, and so much more, I can’t bring myself to imagine an existence without you. I want to bring you closer and push you away, and both hurt unimaginably.

Now that I have someone else, I thought it would be freeing for me to tell you how I’ve always felt. But when I tried, I found all the old fears again. I don’t know if you feel the same way, or what you will think of me after you find out the unadulterated truth. I think that you know that I have some feelings for you, but if you find out all of them, I am afraid of what you will think. Maybe I’m afraid to know for certain that you don’t love me back.

Whatever the fears, whatever the history, and whatever the future, I want to write you a love letter. I want to tell you that I can still feel the sensation of wrapping my arms around you from behind. I can still remember what it was like to wrap my arms around your bicep and cling to you as we watched a concert or walked down the street. I can still taste just a little bit of your kisses. Maybe someday I will forget the crinkle of your eyes, your throaty laugh, the red-blondness of your hair, and the way you wear your shirts. But even if I forget, I will always remember how my life here felt molded around you. I don’t want to let go. I love you for reasons still entirely unknown to me…

I loved the way your whispers always found my ear. The way you spoke with your hands even when they were mixed up in mine. The way you could explode originality onto a sheet of paper. The times you danced like we were living in another age. The way my deepest fears and wonders could slip so easily into you. The way you always left me needing more. I miss you more than the one I should be missing. I long for your tingles when I should be enjoying the touch of another. My mind keeps begging my heart to forget you; my heart longs to sever the ties that bind me to the reasons I should let you go. If I could really have one thing in this world, it would be your love. It would be all I’d ever need.

Don’t ask how I know. Sometimes you just have to trust your heart. I’m gonna be in love with you. Forever.

XXIX.
My first night here I met no one I could converse with. No one I admired. No one who could make me want to stay here. I was planning my transfer sitting alone smoking cigarettes. Then you came along. We talked. We laughed. And I, I fell in love. You entranced me, and still do. I still have a twinkle in my eye whenever I get the pleasure of talking about you, which, I may add, is often. You make me feel alive and that I can take on every towering mountain in the distance with ease. I love you for more than all the stars in the sky. As I told you today, I love you more than the ground; it’s because with you, I walk on air.

XXX.
There is so much I want to say to you. So much that I can’t even think straight to put it into words. I always loved you from the moment I first saw you. You told me I had the biggest influence on your life of anyone you’d ever met. You told me you loved me so much and you wanted to get married. But you told me you were stupid for still being with me. Even though we weren’t even together.

You have hurt me more than anyone else in this world ever has or probably ever will. I told you over and over all I wanted was to be with you and for you to just want to be with me. Did you ever actually want to be with just me? Or was it only when I started to find someone else? I’ve been in love with you for the past 2 years and you supposedly felt the same. But why is it so easy for you to be done with me? Why didn’t you ever want to make things right? What is wrong with you?

How can one person be capable of causing so much pain and hurt but get so much love in return? All I ever wanted was you. Just you. Every horrible, awful thing you did to me meant nothing when we were together because all I felt then was love. Love knows no wrong. But you couldn’t do it anymore. And as badly as I wish every day that you will call me or talk to me, please don’t. I never want to see you ever again. With each day that goes by it’s easier for me to feel nothing and each day I PRAY that I feel nothing, and that I fall out of this ridiculous love that I’m in.

But maybe I’m not meant to. Maybe this is the time for us to grow ourselves before we can grow together. Maybe you were never ready to be in a relationship with me in the first place. Maybe I’m crazy.

XXXI.
Dear *******,

For the past two years, I have found it odd the things I have done for you; things that I would have undoubtedly complained about normally suddenly became effortless, I wanted to do these things because I knew they would make you happy. All of the sudden my happiness seemed to largely depend on yours, my sadness likewise. I have noticed myself enjoying things because you enjoy them, wanting to tag along for your ridiculous adventures even though I’ve had far more important things to do. I’ve seen myself drop what I’m doing when you tell me you need me, and I’ve learned to love dogs! I have found a level of comfort with you that I never knew existed; I realized in instances that I can be completely selfless. All of these things were new to me, and I didn’t know why they were happening. This new level of tolerance that I have reached in realization that there are exceptions to the rules when you love someone. All of the sudden songs that I’ve known for years have a whole new meaning. I feel myself missing you only moments after you leave, I can’t even picture a tomorrow without you in it. Days when I tell myself we must go our separate ways are quickly replaced by nights tangled in your arms. You have changed my life; you’ve taught me what it means to love someone unconditionally, no matter what no matter when, you have revealed to me my own ability to give my heart away on accident with out any expectations. You have set the bar for what I will always look for in someone to love. I will not blame you for breaking my heart because without you I may never have known how it felt to have a full heart. I’ll always believe in you.

Love, *****

XXXII.
It’s been five years. Five years since I first met you. Five years since we “dated” for those three weeks. In those five years, you’ve always been in the back of my head. I remember three years ago when we used to talk for hours every night. I remember knowing then. I remember knowing how much I still felt, after two years without you. I guess in those three weeks five years ago I fell for you. Hard. And now here we are. Together. Again. This time I hope it’s for real. Because after spending all these years dreaming of you, and missing you, I don’t know if I could handle losing you. And although there’s about 400 miles separating us right now, I have more faith in us then I’ve ever had in any relationship I’ve been in. In twenty-one days I get to see you. I can’t stop counting and thinking just how much I miss you. It hasn’t even been a week since I saw you last. I know now why every relationship I’ve ever been in, I’ve wrecked in some way. I’ve been pining for you for so long. And I hope like hell I don’t find a way to ruin this, because I feel as if this is the most real thing I’ve ever experienced. And although I can’t say it to you, I fucking love you. I’ve loved you since I was a kid. I’ve probably loved you all this time. And even though I can’t say it to you yet, out of fear its way too soon, I know I do.

XXXIII.
Hey you, I remember how you used to look at me. There was something in your eye that made my heart skip a beat. It was sincere, it was honest, it was unlike anything I’ve felt before. You were the first person that ever saw me, the first person to ever give me hope that I could mean something to someone. I guess the irony about this situation is that we were only ever friends, sometimes maybe more. But yet you always gave me the feeling that even if it felt like we were miles apart, you always had me within hand’s reach. I will always love you for that, I will love you for the times you reached out to me, for the times you said my name. I will love you for every time you thought about me, and most importantly I will always love you for holding my hand.

XXXIV.
Mine-

Do you remember the night our lives changed? I remember. The way you looked, the way you smiled, the way you smelled, the way you laughed and the way your shy eyes couldn’t quite meet mine. That made my heart flutter. Did I ever tell you that?

The days went by, slowly at first. Every second I spent with you felt like an eternity because the world stopped when I was with you. Problems, worries, despair and frustration would melt away. The way your smile made your eyes blaze and my heart explode, I will never forget that.

Our days slid into weeks and months and as the time passed, my adoration for you only intensified. The way you snore when you sleep, stutter when you get excited telling a story, take me in your arms for no reason and kiss me in that spot that only you know. That’s why I love you.

Most of all, though, I love when you look at me. Your eyes, so kind, look past me. They look into me. You see me, who I am to myself and not the world. You see my faults, my failing, my frailty. But you see beyond it, too. You discover what the world neglects: my fire, my passion, myself.

So you see, you are the one. The only one. The true one.

Missing you, why, there’s nothing better in the world. Because, when I miss you, I think of you, and when I think of you, it makes my heart dream.

So always remember, you are mine and I am yours. We are us. Love today, tomorrow and forever.

-Yours

XXXVI.
You are THE one. The ONE. When I was little I told myself I would marry the one with the perfect last name and a magical singing voice. And there you were. With every piece of my being I know that you are the one for me. More than I know that the stars will appear in the sky tonight, more than I know what my favorite color is. You make all the love stories ever written worth believing. Because of you I can’t wait to grow old and wise and gray and tell my kids that true love exists. Even if I have to wait a decade for it. Because I will wait. You have someone else and she is great. But I will wait. I’m waiting for you. Because I am the ONE. THE one.

XXXVII.
You are remarkable! I want to grow happy with you! You make my life perfect!

XXXVIII.
To my best friend:

You are nothing short of wonderful, remarkable, and intelligent. In fact, you are all of these things and more. Your cocoa-colored skin, smooth-as-butter style, and luscious lips make you beautiful. You are witty and funny but nonetheless you remain a reliable and trustworthy friend. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I really appreciate you. Sometimes it may not seem like I do, but don’t let that confuse you. Just know, at all times, that I am irrevocably and irreversibly in love with you. Whether you are happy or sad or mad, just know that I am here for you. My heart will always have a place for you—always. Don’t doubt that—never. I know that I have some issues and you’re not perfect either, nut I want you to know that you patience is divine. Please stay with me: I don’t think I can bear to lose you—ever. Because I love you. It’s pretty simple actually: I love you—always.

Yours truly.

XXXIX.
Every time I see you my heart could leap from my chest. All day long the only thing on my mind is your name and how much I desperately wish I could be with you right now. I want to take you all over the world and show everything you could hope to see, and be there for you when you see things you wish you hadn’t. I can’t promise that things would always be perfect, but I can promise that nothing would stop me from putting my whole heart into making you happy. I want to wake up next you and fall asleep with you at my side. Your heart is so big that I feel greedy asking for it, but you’re crazy and I’m crazy so let’s be crazy for each other.

It kills me to know that we’re not together. All I want to do is hold your hand and watch off beat movies with you late at night. I know that we will fall in love, we were made for each other. We’ve both had the same heartbreaks and now it’s our turn to find the happiness that we’ve seen everyone else have for years and quietly envied.

So I know that know that we’re both hesitant to get ourselves into something serious but I’ve never felt this way about anyone until I met you and I can’t help but feel like it was meant to be. Give us a chance and I can promise you that you won’t regret the decision in the least. I want us to fall in love and I know that we will.

XL.
I was mourning, and you came into my life unexpectedly. I didn’t know what I wanted then, and I wasn’t ready to open up or commit. I needed some time to explore… But I can’t stop thinking about you now, and the possibility of what can be. I haven’t felt this way about someone in a long time, and it’s scary. Every time I see you, I feel nervous and my heart pounds… it’s wonderful. I can’t explain why I feel the way I do, but I like the way you look at me, the way we communicate, and I want more. I want to play with you. I need to know if you feel the same way. So we can either go our separate ways and stop the games or take the risk and see what happens. I told you before that I couldn’t predict my emotions. I didn’t know then how strongly I would feel about you until I realized that I wanted more. You’ve already hurt me once, and my guard went up. You’ve also sent me mixed signals, and maybe I am reading into this more than I should. But for what it’s worth, I want to thank you for reminding me that the possibility of love still exists. The greatest love stories are always about the possibility of love…

XLI.
Dear My Morning Glory,

I remember the first time I saw you. I was eating dinner with my fiancée, and you were on a terribly boring date. I looked up and you winked and blew a kiss at me and immediately began laughing at yourself because of how lame you are. And all I could think about was how you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, even though it looked as though you hadn’t brushed your hair in months. You walked outside and I followed. I asked you your name and you asked me if I would like to accompany you in exploring the abandoned warehouse down the street. I knew from that point on that you were the girl I would spend my life loving.

Two years have past since that night, and you’ve moved to Paris to “pursue your dreams and find love.” I wanted to tell you how I felt so badly that last night I saw you. Two years. I’ve spent two years thinking about you non-stop. Two years of memorizing every freckle on your face, every inch of your skin, every word you’ve ever spoken to me. Two years of falling more and more in love with you each passing minute.

I miss waking up next to you on Sunday mornings and walking to the park with you in your sundress and resting my head in your lap while you read to me under the oak trees. I miss the way you bite your lip when you’re thinking really hard about something. I miss the way you lay beside me when I sleep. I miss your laugh and your accent and your blue eyes. I miss the way you start talking really fast when you get excited telling a story. I miss the way you question me about everything.

I love you and every single thing about you. I always will. You’ve taught me how to live. But I don’t want to live without you. I want to have crazy adventures with you all over the world. I want to go grocery shopping with you. I want to sit at the mall and share a milkshake as we watch all the different people walk by. I want to watch late night TV with you and hold your hand. I want you to take me to your favorite museums. I want to marry you and have babies with you and experience everything this life has to offer with you and grow old and gray and wise with you. You’re the love of my life.

We spoke on the phone last night. First time in two months. I told you that I have a surprise for you but that I couldn’t tell you. Just like you went to Paris to “pursue your dreams and find love,” so am I. You are my only dream and you are my only love.

I’ll be in Paris in less than twelve hours.

XLII.
When I first met you, you were a boy with a goofy t-shirt. The goofy t-shirt happened to have a character from one of my favorite Disney movies. As time grew, I began to love your uncommon locks and the unsteadiness with which you spoke. When you asked me out for tea I remember the most excited panic raising within me. That day I anxiously awaited your arrival while I made conversation with a friend. There was a random article of underwear on the ground; that detail I’ve always remembered. You and I discussed the obscurities of life and exchanged the nervous laughter of anticipation. I remember thinking, “this could be the start of something wonderful.” I watched that movie for the first time with you. Although my eyes struggled to stay open, I remember thinking how great the movie was and how great you were. I celebrated your birth without knowing much about your existence. When you kissed me, your lips were firmly pressed against mine and I remember recalling a passion I wasn’t expecting. As time passed, we discussed our feelings by the stone frogs. We kissed while that song played and I smiled. You were so taken aback my lack of control for happiness that you wrote it in your journal. We were something to write about. Something that should be recorded for history. As time passed, you dedicated stories and eventually wrote stories about us. I took something from you that could never be gained back, but I hold it close to me like an organ, vital for survival. I took you for granted. And you took what we had for granted. Once what we had became unbearable, we related to animated characters. Winnie the Pooh drew me to you once like Flounder had. The genuine acknowledgment and love you had for my existence kept me entangled in the complicated mess that was your mind. Even still, with all that the hurt you’ve caused, I still find myself tangled in that web. I contemplate every cell within your body. I explore you to your deepest depths without your knowledge. I love you to the deepest depths and beyond, knowing that the depths I have reached may not even be the deepest. I love you knowing that it will never be returned because how you once felt didn’t match up on our timeline. I love you because we were the greatest story you ever wrote, and the greatest story I ever read.

XLIII.
I will always remember your eyes, the ones that remind me of Indian summer, pools of reluctant, honeyed light. It’s funny now, sitting next to you on your couch, eating jellybeans. We are surrounded by a brilliant, partially withering array of your mother’s plants. There is a tangible easiness between us, a security in amputating what had been that snowy night when I walked away from you and you did not stop me. In a strange, wonderful, impossible way, I know we love one another. We die caves, I think, ones that contain salacities of every one we’ve ever loved, every thought, every fear, every failure, every footstep. Thank you for being in mine.

XLIV.
I don’t know why you were brought to me. I met you randomly at a party of a friend of a friend. Our quasi-friendship was a complete accident, a series of happy coincidences, if you could call them that.

I don’t know why you wrote me such wonderful letters while I was away, incommunicado. But I liked it. You were the only person I’ve ever had pick me up from the airport that arrived prior to my arrival; you were there, waiting, with cautiously worded love letters written on pink lined journal paper.

I don’t know why you chose me. We were so different. It never could have worked. Could it? Now I don’t know, but I was so certain that it would, against all odds. I thought the fact that you were so different would open me up. In some weird cosmic roundabout way, you were exactly what I was looking for.

I don’t know why you felt the need to leave. If I’d done something drastically objectionable, I certainly wasn’t aware. One day it simply was over and I wasn’t awarded a fair chance or the time to state my case or even to think about what had just happened.

I don’t know why I still feel like I love you, even after all this time.

XLIV.
It’s been a while now since I knew I really loved you, and I’ve tried to both show you and tell you in so many ways… and I think you know it now. I hope you do. It’s not a whim or a momentary thing that will change with the weather or the seasons. It is love.

But in that time I’m also starting to see the rest… your side of things. I’ve watched you get excited about your plans with everybody else, and watched you hesitate about any plans with me. Sometimes I’m the afterthought, or the no thought at all, and the priorities seldom ever seem fall on my side. Your answers for me are always so noncommittal. It’s almost always me reaching out for your hand, me looking for a kiss, or me asking you to stay.

I don’t want to be your burden. I don’t want to hold you back or make you feel like I’m an anchor, and I don’t want to trade love for pity. I just want you to love me back… But I’m starting to understand that you maybe just don’t. You’ve said that’s not true, and that you do, but that it’s just not with the same intensity and passion. Maybe so… but I think that, “I don’t know” eventually melts into knowing, and I think whether you admit it or not, you do know.

I’m not sure if you’re afraid that I’ll eventually hurt you (I won’t) or that I’ll keep you from being free to be you (I wouldn’t) or if the truth is that I’m simply not there in your heart.

I don’t love you because I need to be in a relationship, or because I’m lonely. I love you because of who you are… because you are the exact person I have been looking for. Because I love each moment I get to spend with you. Because to me you are so beautiful in every way possible! Because just the thought of you makes me happy. When I think of you, I can’t help but think of so many great plans… adventures… sweet moments together, so happy. So much that could be.

I don’t want either of us to resent the other because of a one-sided love. If there is hope for me then let me know… give me some sign… tell me one more time to be patient, and I will do my best. If the truth is difficult, and you’ve discovered that you have nothing for me, then let me know that too, so that I can find a way to come to terms with it, because to love somebody truly who does not love you back is to die a little every day. It’s so very hard…

And more importantly, I love you so much that all I truly want for you is to be in love with somebody the way that I am in love with you, and to have them love you back just the same. You deserve that. If that somebody can’t be me (oh but I wish with all my heart it could), then let me know so that I can get out of the way so that you can find something as perfect for you as I think you are for me.

Always, me.

XLVI.
Every time I touch your hand the crisp vibrations of your soul crush into my soul. I look into your blue eyes, you know, the ones that are always red-eyed when I take a picture of you, and everything every thought in my head disappears and focuses on beautiful, wonderful you. The thing is even when you’re trying to sneak up on me I know you’re there because I can smell your wonderful scent that I swear was made especially for my nose. I love how you never match your socks. I love that you drink orange juice straight from the carton. I love that you are simply amazed by everything, and I know that the universe is looking after you, and I know that the universe will make everything okay for you.

XLVII.
I didn’t expect to fall for you. It wasn’t love at first sight. But as we talked, things fell into place. Little by little, the small bits that make you peaked my interest. And then you asked me to dance. I’d never really danced with someone before, not like this. No matter the song, no matter the tempo, we danced the same way, for as long as the band was playing. You didn’t look down. You looked into my eyes the entire time, except for the occasional spin. And that look said it all. And now we’re back home. You at yours and me at mine, approximately 150 miles apart. We talk every now and then, the occasional mental purge. I know it would be easier to just find someone else, and I’ve tried. But no one compares to you. No one makes me feel that happy, that beautiful, that carefree. No one challenges my ways of thinking like you do. You are so unique. You are quiet but you aren’t shy. You know how be funny without crossing the line. You care about the world and think outside of your personal sphere. You enter my dreams and I find myself hoping for a future. I don’t know that you ever think about me anymore, but I always think about you. You aren’t perfect, but you’re all I’ll ever need.

XLVIII.
It’s strange that I never noticed you for so many years, but then when I met you I couldn’t help but love you. How could I have never noticed you before then? Remember the times when I would say “as you wish” to everything, just as Westley does in “The Princess Bride”, only what I really meant was “I love you.” You would always get freaked out when you saw me looking at you, but I couldn’t help it, because you are too perfect. It makes me wonder. I would watch you to try and figure it out. How can someone be so nice, yet still have such a strong opinion? How can you be so perfect yet think so little of yourself? I love you. I think. I think I love you. I got over you because you loved someone else. But I suppose I was never really over you. All it took for me to fall back in love was for you to say that you thought it could have worked between us if things had been slightly different. I tried to convince you that those slight differences meant nothing, but you didn’t agree. Then I was mad at you for giving me reason to have hope again. I still love you.

XLIX.
There was this one time when I was a teenager and I was on a ferry with a family friend. Her daughter had long brown hair and wore a parrot shirt. She told me that her daughter had just met this person she loved so much that she couldn’t even speak when he was in the same room as her. I remember thinking I hope there is a person out there who is capable of doing that to me. You are that person. Now I have met you, I almost wish I loved you less. I would be able to talk to you at least.

L.
Hey! Hi! You, wonderful you! I said that I was going to marry someone who would give organic juice boxes to my kids, and there you were. I was hopeless, I wasn’t expecting you, I was expecting everything but you. I was asleep without realizing it. There you were! I don’t know when it was that I fell, my heart reeling and spinning into your arms but it happened! I can’t pinpoint a date. I love you because of your shameless idealism! You rush forward with every good intention known to man, without even realizing it. You are so genuinely good and you don’t know it, which makes you better. You remind me of the sunshine pouring into my backyard when I was little, where I used to live, where the ivy covered everything. I barely know you, but I know I love you. I know. I know because when you trip and laugh at yourself my insides glow, I know because I can’t find a flaw even in your cold sores, everything about you is beautiful to me. I know because you are the guy who will give me laugh lines! And that… that is what I want from life. I should feel silly saying these things so soon, but I don’t! I can’t. Because I know. You are the one for me, the only one, my only heart. It’s Valentine’s Day! Let’s celebrate love!

LI.
Today, when I woke up and went to work, I was a little thrilled because I knew that I would see you. So when I picked up the phone and it was you, my heart flew right into my throat. I want more mornings where the first thing I hear is you. I don’t think that I listen to you when you talk. Not as fully as I know I should, so that I can hold onto your words. I’m too busy thinking about the proximity of you and me, how close we are to each other, too busy listening to your voice fall over my head. I didn’t tell you at the barbecue–but you have the nicest voice. I want you to sing me to sleep. Today, we sat near each other, and when everyone else left the room all I wanted to do was reach over to you and wrap my fingers around yours. Touching you doesn’t seem like enough, I want our muscles to intertwine. I wanted to scoot my chair next to yours, and rest my head on your shoulder. Today, I cleaned out my purse for five minutes (when it should’ve taken two) because I knew you were leaving at the same time, and I wanted to walk outside and into the sunlight with you. I missed you by a minute, and I saw you walking away without me. My eyes and feet wanted to follow you, but I had to walk in a perpendicular direction. Today, you were standing very close to me and all the other things that I wanted today fell out of my head and were replaced by a single lucid certainty. I have not wanted anything recently as much as I wanted to turn around and hug you.

LII.
(Hello, This is a text that I sent to my ex-boyfriend who came back into my life recently. It was the night of my 32nd birthday and I had just cried most of the day because I was confused about what was going on with us. After writing this and sending it, I quickly came to peace within myself. Just by putting this out there I instantly felt better. I am grateful that I wrote down exactly what I was feeling that night. I want to remember it always, even if it was a sad feeling, it was strong and I was in touch with it. H often says, “I’m living the dream!”)

You know what’s kind of a bummer. I am enjoying a beautiful early warm summer night sitting on the sand just a foot from the water alone, in a great moment, beautiful and peaceful and I wish you were sitting next to me. I know you would love this. Its feels so good out and maybe you’re doing the same thing somewhere, in which case I am so deeply happy for you. But! YOU can’t deny that the only thing that would maker this better is if we were sitting next to each other. If I’m alone on this and you don’t feel that, care about me enough to tell me. That is all I ask. BUT!!!! If I’m right, tell me so I can stop feeling like I’m losing my mind over you because I always believed that love only exists when two people feel it. Call me a hopeless romantic… Blah blah blah. I just need to know that maybe in some amazing world we could be an option before we miss out on perfect night like this sitting on a beach at night living the dream.

LIII.
Dear Chinstrap,

This is a reason to love you. I do not love you yet, but someday I might and I will look back on this moment and know exactly why. Last night before we slept wrapped in one another’s arms, I told you of how uncomfortable I used to be in my own skin. My curvy body full of protruding bones, the potential for androgyny of my face, the weakness I see in blue eyes. How I never felt comfortable walking and that is why I dance and glide instead of solid sure footsteps, how I do not know what to do with my arms or how high to hold my head. You looked at me with wide eyes and said with confidence, “Well hold on now, I can fix all of this right now.” And you ran your fingers up and down the length of me with reverence, as though you were explaining a simple equation to a small child, telling me me with your words and your eyes that no one in the world could ever see me as anything as beautiful, especially you. Because of my confidence and my self-respect, which originally stemmed from insecurity, I do not often show people that I have not always thought the best of myself, but I showed you and in a matter of seconds you took away the hurt I had carried inside myself for years.

Mon petit weinerschnitzel, Sablock.

LIV.
I have accidentally deleted my last love letter to you when we were still together in my blog. However, I will still write a love letter for you, even if we have separated for a while. I love you, I still do. Perhaps there will always be that silent, quiet space in my heart just for you and for everything that we have shared. When I remember you, I still smile and wish that somewhere out there, you are doing all right. I have let you go, wishing for your happiness and the fulfillment of heart’s longing, channeling my selfish desires to be with you into transcendence of unconditional love. We no longer talk, could look at each other’s eyes anymore, or greet each other in the hallway. I may seem to appear that I ignore you, but I notice your presence. No, I do not hate you nor do I want you to suffer in life. The memory of pain, anger and madness seems to be just flickers of events and they no longer hurt. However, I still cherish the memories of love that you have given me. We started with a hug and ended with a hug, your smile when we sleep next to each other, the first time you held my hand and waking up in the morning next to you. You have taught me what I have learned about the both sides of love, even if it means of setting you free, of wishing for your own happiness and to truly accept that I won’t be a part of your life anymore, even though I wish I were. And if I had to repeat it all, I would do it all again, no hesitations, no questions, I’d say yes. You have been my teacher among life’s greatest lessons, even if it means having to learn it the hard way. Even until now, you are still teaching me about loving one’s self including one’s murkiest parts so I could learn how to love others’ murkiest parts. Perhaps in another lifetime, our souls will meet, just in different vessels and forms. May our souls bring each other joy and love, when they meet again. Perhaps when we have already fixed ourselves, we can nourish our friendship again. For now, my fervent wish for you to fly, to fly so high and to seek the balance of pride and humility, of talking and listening, to befriend your own darkness and shadows that it could bring light to you. And when it seems your battle has become dreary and tiresome, remember that there will be people who are on your side, including me. I will always love you, even if it continues to change to other forms.

LV.
The maelstroms of unavoidable, iridescent truths are what we hold on to. The bittersweet dreams of yesteryear are what we never want to think of. The illusions you keep, the sadistic misery of marigolds, the taste of September. Thoughts of these make me fade faster than Polaroids, leaving nothing but a shimmer, a secret, an unseen sign behind. I was all fucked up and confused and sweet, wandering with a broken heart and two left feet. The girl who could barely live, let alone fall for you. The girl with scars on her arms and lies and tears made of ice and a head full of kaleidoscope dreams. The girl with a voice, the girl without a choice. Maybe, maybe I’m not like you. You write about inhibitions and love, words dripping off the page; disillusioned and hopeful, caught in the ephemeral, neon dream world. You are the unknown, the sudden apparition of change, and the lights on the stage and the euphoria. Sometimes I think what could have been, but don’t want it anymore. I scatter those visions as if they were cursed glitterati. You don’t know enough. You make up excuses for me, and you never ask. You wanted to be a star. There you go, you supernova. I’m tired of them with the look in their eyes, saying this is how hard it is to get over you. I don’t ever want to listen to songs about you walking out the door and wanting to take it back, and mistakes in love, and turn into one of them because you forged fire out of the ice, you say what we both knew you could never take back, you pretend without regret. You hate, and make more mistakes; you stay with your truth, you want her, and I’m tired of you. You never said it. You think she’s better (she looks at me like she knows and she wants and you don’t even notice); you break more hearts and make her laugh using nothing but debris and your stupid tricks up your sleeve, and so you think you have that hope, that you actually stand a chance. I don’t know why. I loved you. I loved you before, when you traipsed around, shining like that, gesticulating wildly, and making up wild things. When you were real and crazy. I loved you like the first, bittersweet summer love, which can only be shared; I loved you sadly and wildly. I loved you because we used to fit somehow, like pieces of a broken world, because I understood and you were unforgettable. I loved you and starflowers, your music and your words. You, you thought I was ‘human’, and wrote of certain unmentionable events. You think I did what I didn’t, and you hate. You never knew. I like to think maybe you’ll end up with some other girl, maybe her, (who knew?), and maybe you will stumble upon this page once again, in less confusion and hopefully more knowledge than you had last time, and read these love letters voraciously. Maybe you’ll cast your eyes over these words, this legend, this broken fairytale. Orpheus and Eurydice, undine and the knight, star-crossed lovers. And you will think, “Fuck. She’s right.”

LVI.
Do you have any idea what I’m trying to convey?? Please, this glance is packed with explosives, this sigh with screams, this word with tears. Gasp if you must, but breathe it in somehow. Inhale that you are loved beyond reason. You have a piece of my heart; I’m trying to give you a piece of my soul. These syllables are not just something to fill the silence. I’m not trying to flatter your heart, I’m trying to tear you apart.

LVII.
Hello, to my one sweet love. I have hurt you, bad. I made a mistake, a wrong choice, a wrong turn. I told you the truth, as I have been ever so transparently truthful to you ever since I met you. I know it had to hurt. I know what was coming. I told you the truth hoping that you would appreciate me, doing that, and starting over anew. Yell, scream, shout. Say it all. Say it all. You can push me away, but I’m not going anywhere, dear. You fear me hurting you, I fear myself hurting me hurting you. I fear myself losing you. I told the truth. I’m here to get you back. Stop shoving me away. Yes, a mistake is a mistake. Or so maybe the love you gave isn’t as much and same as the love you thought you were giving. Where is it now? Will love prevail? Love me more than anything else? Anything else in the world? These words I cannot forget. I told the truth and still fight. So why don’t you? Can you prove these words true? I was honest to you. A wanted to start over. You start pushing me away. Where is this love you’re talking about. Hurt? Yes you are. But the stab I made hurt me more than it hurt you. I am here pride all lost, and you are, as you are a stone. One mistake to end all? Or one love to survive all?

Oh, sweet love. Tell me what is dear to you. Oh my sweet love, I’ll tell you what is dear to me. Listen. Listen. Don’t listen and see mistakes. Only the mistakes. Don’t let anger be your poison. I’m here for you. Fighting. If only you’ll see, you’ll see. If only you’ll fight. And we’ll be.

LVII.
Once upon a time, you were the most agonizing near-yet-so-faraway. These days, you are the most beautiful faraway-once-so-near, and so, my love, here I will stay.

LIX.
It’s funny how you’re probably not even looking back, but I’m still here.

LX.
Dear TC,

It was a warm day in September the last time I seen and talked to you. I left that day wondering how I would get through the rest of my life without you but I had to do it because I knew it would make you happy. You are in love with another now, the mother of your baby. I can’t help but hurt at the thought of you with someone else but I have grown more and more used to it. I know this is the end and it makes me yearn for you even more. I would give anything to hold your hand and to feel your touch just once more but I couldn’t go on hurting anymore and more importantly I did not want to keep you from what you really wanted and that was her. I didn’t mean to fall in love with you and I also wasn’t as nice to you at times. I can only blame the anger on the fact that I knew I was losing you. In a perfect world you would come back to me but I know that doesn’t exist in real life just in fairy tales. We had plans to be together and at the time that was all that mattered to us. Just know that since the day I met you, today, and every day after I will love you will every ounce that I have. There will never be another. I Love You.

~CRC~

LXI.
Cody,

I think I should start by saying that when I walked into Warren’s that night (after leaving my date with the man-child that wouldn’t eat his vegetables), I had absolutely no idea that I would meet somebody that would change my life this year. As much as you think I’m just trying to charm you, I really truly did think you were out of my league – you were much too attractive to want anything to do with me. Seriously. But a failed power hour and god knows how many burps later, we somehow managed to end up in the kitchen-smoking hookah and talking, and after that you lured me (quite easily, I must say – it didn’t take much convincing) out to the deck to “talk.” I really am not entirely clear on the chain of events, but I do remember being extremely impressed with your kissing skills (as Hunter yelled, “GO CODY!” from inside) =P

Soon after, Kathleen tore me away from you and we exchanged numbers before I left. Normally I wouldn’t have been as desperate to text somebody so quickly, but I didn’t want you to forget me, so naturally I texted you “well it was certainly nice to meet you ;)” I had no clue where you and I would go from there. I figured if I was lucky we could hang out a few times, maybe meet up at parties every once in awhile; because there was no way that I could have charmed you with the amount of burping that went on that night ha-ha. But strangely enough you were still interested, and I was thrilled. I was like a little schoolgirl – anytime somebody asked me about you I would just smile silently and start turning red.

The night that we went to the Ragtag, when you held my hand on the walk back to the dorm – that’s when I knew that things were going to be different. I definitely hadn’t planned on being in a relationship anytime soon, but when you came along…I knew that I would be insane to pass up somebody as amazing as you. It’s crazy to think that we had only known each other for a little over two weeks when we started dating, but honestly it just seemed right. I had never felt so connected to somebody in my entire life. Being with you gave me a sense of contentment that I had never known before, and those first few months that we were together were some of the happiest times of my life. In those months that we walked around campus, sat on the quad, took pictures, watched The Office, That 70s Show, and plenty of movies; and stayed in bed until late in the afternoon talking about anything, I fell for you. Head over heels. I was enthralled by you and couldn’t imagine life being any different, although I knew that it could change at any given moment, as life does.

And, as you well know, things did change. The few months after we returned from winter break were definitely some rough times… I couldn’t stand the thought of you not wanting to be with me, and I thought that my heart was going to break. But what I’m getting at is that I still stuck it out and waited for you because you asked me to, and I would do almost anything for you. I don’t want to be with anybody else – I can’t imagine anybody ever comparing to you and what we have together.

I’m going to miss you so so much this summer… I’m so used to being able to have my Cody around when I need him. I’m really glad that you’re going to be nearby this summer – two hours away is much better than four, and I hope we get to spend some time together; but I know that me being out of the country for six weeks isn’t going to be much help. What I need you to know is that I always want it to work with us – you are the one that makes me feel like everything really can be okay. Even when I’m 4,639 miles away (yes, I looked it up), I’ll be thinking of you. I hope you have a fantastic summer, and I can’t wait to see you soon.

Love, Me

LXII.
Dear You,

I’ve never even been with anyone before. I’m young; you’re young. And now, to my dismay, you have a girlfriend. But I desperately want to be with you, with everything inside of me. Can’t I at least get to know you? Please.

I’m afraid I’ll never have the courage to tell you anything. Sadly, I’ve had my eye on you since fourth grade — ever since I hid your pencil case behind that huge fish tank. Now we’re seniors in high school, and I think time is running out. Yet I know I could never muster up the courage to tell you. I never even see you or talk to you. Occasionally I’ll see you, and when I do. I absolutely tremble uncontrollably. Last time, tears welled up in my eyes because I was so utterly shocked. I mustered the courage to blurt out your name. Before you turned around, I studied you. I watched as you bent down to give a warm greeting to those adorable five-year-old girls chanting your name. Goodness, you have a way with children.

You turned, and my vision blurred. It was practically nothing but small talk, but it was something. My heart stopped beating and I was frozen. Paralyzed. Unaware of anything or anyone else. You touched my arm as you turned to leave. Why does everything about you have to be so completely riveting? Your chiseled chin, beautifully defined jaw line. That fierce look in your eyes–it could melt stone. I could listen to your voice on repeat for the rest of eternity. Your smile is my weakness. You are built, perfectly. Your stance. The way you listen to someone who is talking to you — leaning forward with your face cupped in your hands, fully attentive. You listen. You can be a bit rough around the edges (I think), but you’re still terribly sweet. You’re respectful, polite, thoughtful, genuine. And you have that pensive, deeply intriguing look about you that makes it SO difficult to look away.

It’s exhausting. These feelings continue to last, and I’m not sure you have the slightest clue. Why have I had butterflies around you for years, when most girls have different crushes every week? It has to mean something. It has to.

I was terrified of rejection, but now that you have someone else to call your own, what am I to do? Yes, we’re young, and yes– anything can happen. But I’ve heard too many stories and observed too many people to know that things don’t always work out the way I convince myself that they will. So what is it going to take for you to realize this? I don’t know what to do. All I want is to be yours. I want to stop over-analyzing, stop dreaming up possibilities, options, outcomes. I just want to lie on your shoulder, close my eyes, and be enveloped in your beautiful complexity.

Please please don’t change, please don’t forget about me. Please realize that maybe. Just maybe. This is meant to be. And while I am here waiting. Please– stay… you.

Infinite butterflies,
Me

LXIII.
Dear Navy Lady,

Where do I start? I love you, I guess, would be a good start, right? I always have and always will. I met you when I was with my first long-term girlfriend and you took my breath away. We started messaging each other on the Internet and I literally thrived off your messages. I’d smile so big when I finally got them. You were everything I wished for in one package of awesomeness. We became so close, best friends unlike any others. People would always question how close we were but we just shared a bond that no one could break at all. I knew you’d always be around. I never ever intended on acting on my feelings for you. I always thought you deserved more – better. It came to a point where you were everything to me, every reason why I woke up in the morning, every reason why I breathed, ate, drank water, went into the sunlight. You were my serenity. No one could get me like you and no one still can. You left for the Navy right when I was aware of my feelings for you were more than just a ‘like’, more than a crush. There I was… feeling like an army wife, dwelling over our memories so I didn’t feel alone. All I wanted was you in my bed, you in my arms, your breath down my back when I woke up, my hands on your hips as we laid still. I’d do anything to have that. Even though I know all your secrets and you know mine. Even though you are miles and miles away and may be that way for a while. You’re all I want. The way you smirk when I see you on webcam, the way you make fun of me because I speak ‘proper’. Fuck, girl, I love you. I’m madly and irrevocably in love with you. I’m a strong-headed feminist and I’d marry you in a blink of an eye. I’d sacrifice anything just to be able to hold you, babe because I don’t care if I’m sick, cold and homeless… you are my home. Now today we’re together, we’ve started to fight our war. Just know that no matter what happens, I’m fighting for you. I’ll clean up my mistakes. You’re my happily ever after. You. That is all it ever was.

Love,
Me.

LXIV.
I wish you would tell me not to leave. Stay here forever. It’s only been 6 months but I have known since our first date that we would be together forever. No one EVER looked at me like that before. I love the little hum you do to yourself that you think no one hears I love how you inspire me. I Love that you make me want to be a better me. I love that you tell me how proud you are of me when I didn’t do anything. I love to catch you staring at me then act like you weren’t. It’s real cute. I love how we say those same dumb jokes all the time, almost everyday and they actually get funnier. You make me feel beautiful and comfortable in my own skin. I love when you kiss my forehead or the bridge of my nose. Just tell me to stay and I will. I’ll never leave.

LXV.
Love, what did you have in mind that I might try to arrange it? I look forward to seeing you, of course. Have a good morning. I’ll be thinking of you today. Like I do everyday. I hold back many thoughts from you. Things I want to say. My quietness last night was not for lack of words. Only my preservation. Then again, what have I left to protect? All that’s worth protecting is gone already. I discard draft after draft of these thoughts. Trying to keep this situation uncluttered by words of affection that may not be received… or reciprocated. What’s the use? I cannot lay them down. They have no strengthening effect on me. I am weak. I am open, completely, to you. So, I try to keep my distance emotionally. But it doesn’t work. I tremble. I hurt. Not only in the imagination. Not just in my mind. It’s a soul hurt. I only feel well when I allow myself to be close to you. I tried to build my *wall*. For what purpose? You are like ivy. You grow and climb my wall, over and back down the other side. Then I am again engulfed in you. And so I am, always. Only it feels differently at times. Sometimes I am so happy, so full of joy; air becomes intoxicating. Everything in the natural world is bright and sensational. And then… and then I am suffocated by fears that I truly share these feelings with myself, alone. What a fool I am, to let my heart go like this. And to a man who seems to reside in a cocoon, waiting to emerge and become he knows not what. Hmph. Foolish indeed. You are dangerously lovely and dear to me. I’ve never been in a position like this. I evaluated. I carefully weighed risks (with young and imperfect judgment). I’ve never permitted myself to expose my heart to disappointed hopes. I wonder if it’s my pride that would never allow it. I’ve a good relationship with past mistakes, though. I enjoy learning from them and feel that I better understand people when I learn things the hard way. I have little hesitation exposing myself to the judgment of others. I’m not sure it’s pride. Perhaps it’s the chaos that ensues in the uncertainty of it all. I’m adverse to chaos and upheaval. To changing direction. Yet, here we seem like a pendulum. I hold back words of affection, terms of endearment. I’m afraid of your responses. I’m afraid to let you see my reactions to those responses. Afraid that, if you were to see my hurt – to actually see a tear fall because I cannot hide it or whisk it away without your noticing it – that you may develop feelings for me that just jump into your protective nature and bypass a true and beautiful, deeply felt appreciation for *me*. Then I wonder, and it feels so silly for me to entertain the thought (a thought that is quickly dismissed by an extremely practical grain deep within me), does it matter? Does it matter if he loves the idea of protecting me more than the feeling that he cannot live without me? Of course, it matters, I say to myself. I deserve no less, I convince myself. But then, when I am with you, I wonder still. I wonder if, for you there is a need to be needed in that way. If it is a part of what is necessary for you to feel love for someone. You know, we all have triggers for love. Have I squelched yours by trying so hard to refuse your help? You say it was different before, when you were in love. You spoke of dreams of visions. I wonder how much room we have to share dreams and visions of an exciting nature. Blending two families… our efforts would be so centered around that and visions for that are boundless. But, I don’t have a dream to change the world in any way. I did. Before I had children. There were even times, after children were integrated into my life, that I thought of going out into the community and serving in some way. But, there is no way I can be a good and present mother for my children at the same time. And there is no way I can love and complete a husband if I’m absorbed in hobbies. So, my dreams are boring. They are not as exciting as what you are accustomed to, I guess. I would support and encourage you to follow your inclinations. But, my life is too full to attach myself to any purpose other than being a wife and mother. I wouldn’t want it any other way, actually. All else seems a vanity to me when set aside without a family and impossible to include with a family. Send? Discard? I guess I’ll send. Children are hungry. ***** is sick. Perhaps, we can visit after the children go to bed, so they won’t be a burden to anyone. We could go for a drive. I love you.

LXVI.
Those three months we were together were the best of my life without a doubt. We had a relationship people envied. We were “annoyingly cute”. And I loved it. But for some stupid reason I gave it up and ended it. I realize I probably lost you forever, but I want you to know a few things. We have been through hell together. We have been through more than most couples have been at our age. Most people wouldn’t think that two 16 year old new what love was, but I swear to God I loved you then, I love you now, and I will love you forever and always. I am so sorry for my mistake and I doubt that you will ever take me back. But I want you to know that I prayed to God for you to forgive me, for you to understand my mistake, and if it was possible to put some love back in your heart. You don’t understand how many times I wish you would just drive up like you used to. I wish I could see you, I wish we could make up. It’s easy going out on a Friday night. It’s easy every time I see you out. I can smile, live it up like a single girl does, but what you don’t know is how hard it is to make it look so easy. I don’t ever let it show how much I miss you. How much I miss our long walks in the golf course, hanging out in the back of the truck with you, my little brothers baseball games. And now every time I hear our song it kills me inside. Everything reminds me of you. Everything. I just wanted you to know that I love you. I always will. Now and forever. Until the world ends, because I will love you in death as well. And even though I am only 16 and I made a promise to myself and God that I would marry no one but you. I don’t care if people think it’s foolish. I never break a promise. I love you, Joe.

LXVII.
I think about the dream where we put children in tree hollows and bulwarks and try to return the whale to the sea. I didn’t tell you that in the dream, I followed you to the beach on the rust-colored strait because I was afraid for your life. You tumbled into the water after the sea creature with eyes like stars and I was convinced you had died. My heart stopped and I drowned on land. We killed the whale at some point– fast forwarding through the bad parts and reviving the dead the way dreams do but life can’t– but, somewhere, I had still died along with you. You had gone off the dock to follow the beast into water that looked like a storm on black glass, and you drowned me right along with you. You really could destroy me at any time you wanted. But you never, ever did. Why did you ever let someone like me glimpse your hurting soul? I miss the one time we danced together in the pub, with you pretending to be my boyfriend and my hand up your shirt. I miss going to châteaux and talking about the dreams in your dream journal, taking shotguns and eating every sweet thing we found. I miss the way you always let me massage your head even though I never did it right. I miss trying to get you to stay up late, I miss the way I always thought that we almost kissed, or how I ever thought I could just fuck you and leave you, the way I aspire to with everyone else. I miss the conviction with which I could tell everyone else but you that I loved you. I miss the way that, without bruising you, my body came to know that it belonged with yours. Slow knowledge: sure, lovely and singing like a whirled glass of fine wine. Things are bad, but you probably figured that when we took the town with my penniless purse and my kiddy cherry patterned umbrella, eating poppy bread and cake in the park by the train station. I think I am going to get deported soon. I don’t know how I can find a way to make it to England so I can tell you face to face I’ve loved you all along, to ignore all the snide things I said that pushed you away, to ignore all the men I told you that I have been with in your stead. That I wish I could take back the time I left your pretty house in the country and you asked for a kiss goodbye and I laughed in your face. That I wanted to kiss you the night my rat died and you let me get drunk so you could take care of me. That I am tired of giving you the husk of my honesty, a soft song with the lyrics hollowed out, stringing you along and skittering away in shame. I am so tired of not letting you reject me if that’s what it needs to be for me to be in your life, or for you to be in mine. I can’t forget the day we watched the thousands of candles light up at the castle before we walked to the statue in the distance, the way you suddenly wanted a picture of me against the weaning twilight. I covered my face because I could never think of you looking back at a photograph of me and smiling. I just love you. I’ve loved you all along. I don’t think I can stop.

LXVIII.
I know I’ve neglected you over the last six-month but believe me it had to be done. You may feel I’ve toyed with your feelings but baby it is so complicated. I would have love to run away you when I had the chance but at the same time my heart was breaking because I am never not loyal to the ones I care about. Your feelings got hurt and it’s tearing me up inside. I totally understand why you ignore me and act like you don’t know me, that I deserve and more. I am completely and utterly at a standstill waiting in hope that one day you will forgive me so we can make our plans a reality. I sometime dream of us together as one and oh my God its beautiful and perfect, the meaning and understanding of everything. It is so deep and complex for the mere understanding of just anyone but baby that’s us.

LXIX.
Brenna,

As I drift to sleep tonight, I’m sure you’ll be there, as always. I do hope you never dwindle in my memory. You’re with me as I go through my days. I can hear you in my voice, it’s as if a little part of you exists in me, which is true. I hear the intonations, the slight change in timbre that I’ve assumed from being so close to you- physically, emotionally. It’s incredible.

It’s so different, being on campus and not finding you running into my arms outside the library or walking you to class, or to your house, seeing you after practice and before… And so on. I’m afraid of when this whole is forgotten, and the lack of you is the regular. I’m sure it won’t be long before I forget to glance down Picasso Road reminiscently, or double take at the geology building, and it saddens me. I don’t want to adapt, I don’t want to assimilate. I want you in my life, in my arms. And I don’t expect you not to change, either. I’m sure there’ll be a time when you can’t quite remember the exact color of my eyes, or whether it’s my right or left eyebrow that rises when I’m confused, or where the freckle on my neck is. And you’ll start remembering me by the picture you carry with you. You’ll have that face memorized, and I’ll do the same, I remember what you look like in pictures, and memories. And we’ll look for consolation in an image, but an image is not a feeling. I remember what you feel like, and that can’t be captured, and won’t be forgotten. I know how it feels to kiss the top of your head, I know how it feels when you nuzzle your head in my neck. Those things I won’t forget.

Here I am again to let you know I love you, right now and always,
Kevin

LXX.
Beauty is subjective. Everyone eyes sees beauty as something different. This isn’t about being the most beautiful girl in the world- this is about being the most beautiful to you. I love you. I wish you still loved me to.

LXXI.
How do I tell you I love you? Those words are so hollow compared to how I feel about you. I could pour over many languages and not find enough words to convey the appropriate feeling. I surrender to you. I give you my heart; I’ve allowed you into my soul. I’ve laid everything I am, and everything I want to be at your feet. I trust you to take care of those things I hold most precious. I trust you because you’ve earned it. You’ve earned my faith. I will walk your path with perfect trust that your heart is big enough for both of us.

-Cricket

LXXII.
I have only lived to see 16 summers. Your smile has helped me get through the difficult stages of my life. There is a great distance that separates my hopes of our hearts beating as one, but when I am lucky enough to be by your side, the words never manage to leave my mouth. You have a girlfriend now, and you claim to love her. Every inch of my body, down to the last cell long for your company. Although I wish for you to be happy, she could never begin to understand or begin to comprehend half of burning passion I have for you in herself. I convinced myself that being friends with you was enough, but when you kissed me you gave me a taste of what I had been and are now missing out on ever since that memorable day. As I am writing this, I feel my heart beating in my ears as loud as parade drums.

I wish for you to be the one that I can hold eternally in my arms, and dedicate every moment of my one and only life to you. I wish to be your best friend, to make you return the smile that would be permanently indented on my face. I want to be the one to sit in a field watching the stars with you, and to hold your hand in marriage. To bear your child, and to grow old with you.

I want to mean something to you. The chances are low, but if you are somehow reading this, I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart. My soul is forever dedicated to you, and it will be here for as long as you are finding your path.
If ever, for some reason you find out your girlfriend isn’t the one, I will be waiting.
I love you Jack. This is for the times that I have tried to tell you but could not scrape out the words. If you read this I hope you know it’s me, Jodie.

LXXIII.
If GOD took away the beauty on your face, the grace in your walk, or the sweet melody you lips played for my ears whenever we talked.

The essence of what remained still wouldn’t change the feelings I have for you that seem to drive me insane.

Sometimes I’m not fully aware of how much I LOVE YOU until my mind rewinds time and I realize all the things I wouldn’t place above you.

Although I’m not in love, I feel loving someone is stronger anyways. Its painful knowing the warm sunlight of our friendship has turn into a cold shade.

Our conversations have went away, and it seems like being your acquaintance is here to stay It got to the point that if life served you a plate full of problems I’d take bites for you.

If dark times were ahead, by your side I’d hold the light for you Truth be told, I’d put my feelings on hold just to be tight with you.

My feelings were bold, which gave you a heavy load and maybe that wasn’t right for you I understand you got a man that has brought love to a new height for you.

So understand as a man the best thing I can do is stay out of sight for you I hope what your reading mean more than just words.

I wish happiness in your life and please don’t’ settle for anything you don’t feel you deserve.

A simple task is all I ask, if I end up calling you hang up the phone.

If I say hi to you in public yell “Leave me the f*ck alone” I have no negative feelings towards you, you haven’t done anything wrong.

But on the way is a new year, a new gear, and I’m just trying to move on You once told me to “keep things simple,” well its obvious I don’t know how.

So I’m saying goodbye, maybe not forever, but definitely for now.

LXXIV.
Here’s the deal. You love me, you say you have for a long time. You say that nobody else compares to me and you write me poems that I’ve seen but haven’t read because you won’t give your permission. I love you, too, but not the way you want me to. I had a crush on you a long time ago, but that can’t be revived. I’m sorry. Here’s the honest truth. I’m afraid of being yours. I’m afraid we would never be able to return to what we have now. I’m afraid of being in a committed relationship. But I have a few things to point out. You are just 18. I am just 17. You don’t know who you are. You look to me like I’m the end-all-be-all only-good-great-fantastic thing in the world, like I’m perfect. We both know I’m not. And that I’ll never be. That no one ever is. And love is about seeing people’s flaws, knowing how truly bad they are, and still wanting them in your life. Often because you see their flaws. Because your flaws and theirs match up and make everything suddenly fall into place and you think, My God, I am not alone, I am alone and it’s okay, the world could end and all would be right because I know now that this exists, I can face anything, oh how beautiful and tragic. I don’t know if you even know a one-millionth of my flaws.

Here’s the deal. I love you. I love you just the right amount to know how much it hurts you to not have me. I know how much I would have to give back to make your life fall suddenly into place, and I know that it would be next to nothing, which makes me feel crummy. I know you’d treat me well. I also know that I couldn’t stay with you. That we are young and you would grow apart from you and me would try to fix everything with patches of lies, not to me, but to yourself. I can’t consent to such a one-sided relationship. I know how much it would damage you to have me and then have to give me up. I will not put you through that. I can’t watch you do that, and I certainly can’t take part in it. I will love you for the rest of our lives. We’ll move to different cities, states, maybe countries. You are irreplaceable. Utterly. And I hope that someday when you have found the real true love of your life, she and you and I can talk about all of this and laugh. And hopefully you will forgive me and realize that this is the best thing I can do, to love you as I love a brother. There is nothing truer.

LXXV.
So all these love letters are really poetic, but you know I’m not really that type of girl. I don’t know you yet, but someday I will, and there’s so much I want you to know and want to tell you. There’s so much I want to do with you. Love, it isn’t something I’ve ever felt romantically before. I know you are going to have to be extremely special to open me up and have me consider you. And I probably won’t tell you how I feel as often as I should. But the truth is I know I will love you so much, so infinitely, that it will be overwhelming even to myself. I am so excited to meet you, love. You have no idea.

LXXVI.
Hi all,

I have been very happy to write this because I have seen in while I am searching for someone else help to make my girl friend happy and back to me. She was so happy with me and my style how I am presenting with her. She always kept on appreciating me and I am proud to find such a girl who understand me, share me all what she felt and many more. Once I have asked her to let me a kiss she ignored and told me just to kiss her on chick, yet did that and no more. I have been invited on her birthday and I gave her many present on her birthday. She was so happy to receive them. I express my love feelings on the gift I have gifted to her. At that day I again asked her for kiss and this time also she refused and I didn’t try any more instead I feel sad and regret myself that why I asked to her as I was already known about the fact that she couldn’t let me do that. After some hour later when I have leaved away from her. I wrote her message asking to forgive me about that event. She respond me she didn’t mind any more and she replied me that you have expressed me a lot of love feeling, I don’t under estimate you but I need some time to decide it. Then after she stopped communicating with me. I have called and messaged her many time but she didn’t reply. Finally I received a message that she has decided not to make any contact with me any more because she find that it was not possible for me just to be a friend. Although she has accepted my purpose while I first purposed her that I love her, she accepts it very happily. But later on I came to know that she has been in relationship for three years and she didn’t tell me that secret, and her relationship was very critical in last three months and she didn’t get any message and call from her boy friend yet. I love her but after knowing this I have sympathy towards her rather than to make relation as partner. She was not in contact now days but I have done all those things just to make her happy, I can very easily live without her but just want to make her clear about the things and wants to suggest her I didn’t like the way you have presented with me. You can be far from me simply telling me the fact but I don’t know why she prefers that way. So, I need a suggestion how to write her so that she realized her she had done mistake and came for talk and come for negotiation. Looking forward to hearing from you soon. Thank you in advance.

Rajan K.C,
Finland

LXXVII.
Just face it; I’m crazy, stupidly in love with you. You can make me feel like I mean the world to you. You can also treat me like I’m nothing to you. You have the ability to make and break my day with just a few words. You make me feel like I’m a little kid, like you need to protect me. You make me feel like a woman, like I’m actually important. I want nothing more than to marry you, to spend my life with you. You are my everything, now I have nothing. I’d give anything for you to just love me, actually care about me. I’m just another option. Some random girl to mess around with when you’re bored. I’m clingy, jealous, stubborn… but some part of you loved me, a little bit at least. I could die and you wouldn’t care, or get pregnant and you wouldn’t even get jealous. I can’t just get over you, or anything dealing with you. I care. And maybe too much. I need you. Flat out NEED you. You’re basically a part of me, at least a major part of my life. The really sad thing? I could probably easily replace you. But I can’t, won’t, I refuse to. It wouldn’t be you. Nobody could come close to how much I love you. I feel stupid because you probably just think that I’m just for your entertainment that you can do whatever you want to me because I’ll think that you actually love me. But then you’d just be gone again. There’s days when life seems stupid, worthless, pointless. Days when I want to crawl in a hole and die. I wouldn’t be missed, I’d be doing everybody a favor, especially you. You’d love that. Me being out of your life for good. Dream come true, killing myself over you. With every ounce of my being, I love you.

LXXVIII.
I still remember the first time I saw you. I was in my free period, working on the homework due that very day, when I overheard the teacher on duty talking to someone behind me, as if letting them know how everything worked around the school and where the classes were. I turned my head and there you were. Looking intently at the teacher. Trying to get every word she said just in case you forgot a single thing. I could barely catch a proper glance at you; all I could see was your profile. I followed you with my eyes as you sat down three spots away and emptied your bag with your necessary supplies. To make matters worse, I had bad eyesight and still couldn’t see you properly across the room. I decided to let it go, supposing I would have time to learn what ‘the new girl’ was like. The day dragged on, and as I reached my last period language class, I realized you coincidentally had the same class as me. Now, this class barely consisted of about seven students, including me. We usually split in two different groups, yet you decided to sit with us even though the other group had more students from your own class section. I was thrilled. I could finally see you face to face. And as you sat down, you took my breath away. That messy, elbow-length, curly chocolate brown hair with blue and purple highlights thrown here and there. That snow-white, nearly translucent, flawless skin generously decorated with sweet and light freckles all around. That adorable set of baby pink lips that looked as soft as clouds.

Yet those eyes. Those eyes, which simply danced on their own, who bewitched me, pulling every fiber of my body into them. Those eyes, so heavily lined with black pencil which only made their magical colors pop out even more: a delightful mix between bold ochre brown, graceful timber-wolf gray, and gentle chartreuse green. They overwhelmed me. And there we sat in front of you, all three of us, watching you, examining the new girl with the beautiful eyes, whispering little exclamations of “You tell her!” and “No, YOU tell her!” once we all agreed they were amazing. I believe I was the one who ended up saying it first. You smiled sheepishly, nodded, thanked me, and shyly looked back down at your work. You looked adorable.

As your first week passed by, you wandered around, trying to become friends with anyone. You tried looking for a place to be yourself. As your first month passed by, we let you in to our group of friends, since that was the group in which you felt the most comfortable with. You believed that our school had ridiculous cliques and groups and labels and that everything one did would be criticized badly by everyone. You found your own little spot with us, and fit in immediately. As your first year passed by, you became even fonder of us and started going out with us to town and such. We became the best of friends. We then realized you were the missing puzzle piece in our friend group: the rock n’ roll rebel. You always did whatever you felt like doing, not caring about anyone else’s opinions or critiques. It made you reckless, disastrous, silly, and carefree. I couldn’t help but to have fallen for such a mess like you. I was in love before I even knew it.

Now I only spend my days longing for you to love me back, as much as I love you. I want you to know how much I truly care about you. How I would go to the end of the world and back, just for you. Yet I wish I was as carefree and brave as you. I am also a girl, after all, and I’m very much afraid of your reaction if you find out about my true feelings. I’m scared of what our friendship would turn into if I told you. Would it become awkward? Distant? Or even worse, non-existent? I can only sit here and wish. Long. Dream.

LXXIX.
I don’t know if I can chalk the past up to being young and naive, which supposedly breeds the type of love we had. Regardless, four years have passed since we had our run at that beautiful, turbulent peace. I still think of you everyday. I moved away from our hometown to “save” myself, so to speak. Because every nook and cranny of that desert town seemed to hold a piece of what we shared, what we promised would be “forever and ever, no matter what.” I couldn’t bear to run into you anymore, whether it was a memory of you crawling through a familiar place – or the real thing… the real you. You turned into this almost mythical creature, this imaginary being that tormented me. So when you were really there, I couldn’t stand to wave and smile. I always felt like breaking down into a million little pieces. You always had me shaking. Sometimes I wonder if I am crazy for feeling so broken and damaged with you gone, even after so long. To save myself the worry I tell myself I feel this way because what we had was truly something all encompassing and almost magical. Writing this, I am frustrated because no string of words seems to be able to surmount to the truth of it. Our story is that of a tear jerking fairy tale. It continues to be something I cannot describe to do it any justice – and maybe that is because I cannot fully understand what it was. I just know that I still carry you with me after all this time, and no one has ever been able to beat you out of my head – no one has ever held a candle to “us” and so I continue to try, and give up on these men that beg me to let them into my heart. I hope you know through all of the mania we endured together, you never left my center – in that pristine daydream I keep you in. I meant it when I said forever, I know that now. Even without hearing your voice, feeling you close, or knowing you’re there – I can’t pry you off this pedestal I’ve unknowingly built. You’re with me always, I promise you this. And I accept that some love stories are different than others, I am just lucky to be able to say I loved you once – with everything a human being is capable of giving. And now, it is not so bad to settle for being in love with a memory.

LXXX.
You’re the only person that can make my heart smile the way that it does when I see you, still after all this time. I was so ecstatically happy when you took an interest in me. In me, a young, ordinary girl and you were an older, out-of-my-league regular. I was smitten, you could do no wrong. Till you did, you hurt me so much that I never thought I could talk to you again. I was so young and you treated me like muck, do you know how much you damaged me? I was humiliated. I was so angry, and hated you. Until you talked your way back into my heart and once again, I fell for your charm. We were so alike, and got on so well. But again, like clockwork, I was wrong about you and you broke me. But as I grew stronger I realized your game, and I got wise to you. You had girlfriends and I acted like I didn’t care, I could twist you round my little finger – you deserved it. But I suppose I’m not that strong. Any other boy who treated me the way you did, they would be dead to me – but not you. Even now, after all the hurt you put me through when I was so naive and young, when you get in touch after one of your crappy relationships has broke down you could still make my heart soar just like the very first time.

LXXXI.
Dear M,

You’re my best friend… or I thought you were. You told me that you loved me, that you wanted to be mine. You were my first real love. Do you remember the first time we met? I do, grade eight Mr. Woolsey’s class. Remember he was the teacher you told to bite you. God I never laughed so hard. That was six years ago now, six long years I have been in love with you.

For six fucking years I have watched you date guys who don’t treat you right, I have listened to you cry heard you say that you just want someone who would treat you right. You said that as I sat next to you, you may have just punched me in the chest that day. I fucking love you the first time you kissed me was the first time I ever felt complete. You were the first person I ever thought I could really love. And when we graduated you promised me that it wouldn’t change, you promised me that I would always have you But look now, I’m here writing this to you, wondering what your doing today. Wondering why the magic from that kiss had to go away. Part of me blames your new friends and your boyfriend. After all nothing was wrong between us until you met them. But I know it’s not all their faults. I could have -should have- tried to hold onto you harder, tried to fix things between us Maybe if I hadn’t -didn’t still- love you like this I could have been a better friend.

Please don’t forget me. That’s all I want from you. Is for you to remember what we once had… I love you M

You saved me from myself, there was more than one night, when I felt like giving up that I just thought of what the pain would do to you and that is what stopped my hand, YOU are why I’m still alive today. And maybe someday as the fates allow it you will be back in my life and I will be able to tell you. Until then, just remember I’m here if you need me in any way.

With love.

LXXXII.
From BayBoy:

Dear Bestfriend1,

I feel as if I have been in love with you since our freshman year. I don’t know what it was that told me to chase after you. Maybe it was your pretty face, or your beautiful eyes. I tried my hardest to gain your trust as a close friend, and its definitely worked because now were best friends. You’re one weird girl, but that’s what separates you from the rest of the world. Its what makes you so sweet, and also what makes your personality complete. The only reason why I didn’t go after you then is because I thought it was a little crush that I would get over in a few weeks. When I left California in the summer, you were all I thought about for the entire year that I stayed with my grandmother in Seattle, Washington. Where we come from isn’t the best nor the safest place to live, and I could have built a better life for myself in Seattle, but I decided to come back to California just to be with you. I didn’t have many close friends at our high school, but I still returned there. Just for you. I moved to a somewhat safer part of the Bay Area, and I could have easily went to the nearest public high school, but I want to travel the 3 miles to see your beautiful face at school everyday. When I finally returned to California, I felt like things would be weird, but things had actually gotten better. Now I feel like my love for you grows as I see you everyday during the school week. Because we are in 11th grade, I understand that you’re not always available especially with the advanced classes were both taking this year, but it kills me that I usually don’t get to see you until 3:30, the end of the school day Mon-Fri. I honestly don’t think you’ll ever understand the feeling I get on those rare occasions when I see you in the hallways before the end of the school day. Especially when we get out of school early on Wednesdays, because I get to be around you for an extra two hours 🙂 The average student who doesn’t like school, but doesn’t dislike it either leaves school at 3:30. I actually hate school, but I stay at school until 5:30 just so I can be with you. It doesn’t seem like much, but those 2 hours a day adds up, and at the end of the week I’ve spent 10 more hours with you than without you, so I’m happy. I have a feeling that you liked me when I left the school in 9th grade summer, but during my absence, your feelings went away. Now that I’m back, if we didn’t flirt from time to time, I’d say that I’m 100% positive that the feelings are gone. You’re on my mind when I awake, as well as when I go to sleep at night. The only reason why I don’t say that you’re in my dreams is because I don’t have dreams. Maybe its because my mind is constantly focused on you. Ever since you got so busy this year, we haven’t been able to hang out as much, which is where the other girl comes in.

Dear Bestfriend2,

You’re the weirdest girl I’ve ever met, but I mean that in the most loving and caring way. We met when a mutual friend of ours introduced us while I was in 8th grade. 9th grade year, you were my girlfriend for a short period of time. The only reason why I let you go is because you were so sweet, and I wasn’t really into relationships so I let you go to prevent hurting you. This was the first mistake. A month later, I was looking for a girlfriend because I had gotten tired of seeing other friends with them. I know that’s a stupid reason to have a girlfriend, but hey I was really young. We stopped talking for a while when I moved to Seattle for 10th grade, and when I returned to California, I asked you out again but you were skeptical. Whatever happened between us still confuses me, but this time around lasted longer than the first and things were going good, but they fell apart. Whatever mistake I made letting you go for the SECOND time, I truly regret it. I tried to stop thinking about you, and it didn’t really work because you still ran through my thoughts every other day or two. Eventually I just decided to let the “best friend” thing start up because I guess I was your best guy friend? Whatever. Months later, its now January and we are really close friends and you tell me everything, including the new guys you like/want to date. You probably think it doesn’t bother me at all, but in fact the complete opposite is true. It hurts me whenever you bring up another guy, but I guess I did this to myself.

I love both of these girls a lot as friends/best friends. I think I love them as more than that, but what makes me so unsure is that I don’t think if it were true love, I would feel this way about two different people, but what do I know? I’m only a 16-year-old boy with a sensitive heart, and strong feelings for both of his best friends that have no idea how I feel about them. The reason why I don’t talk to the first girl is because she is really the best friend I’ve ever had, and honestly I hate to admit it but if things got awkward or whatever and I lost her, I would cry. Cry everyday, maybe multiple times a day. I need her to keep me going through other stuff that has nothing to do with love. I really really doubt that the second girl would take me back for a THIRD time. I am 99.99999% sure she’s lost all feelings that were there because about a month ago, she said something about me kind of being like a brother. The only reason why I say there’s a 0.000001% chance that I believe there are feelings still there is because she invited me to the movies with her and her friend, and the friend didn’t show up and we still had a pretty good time there. She said something about biting my cheek, so I’m not sure if she was giving me a hint, or if she was just being her weird self. It’s very possible that this is in fact infatuation, but I don’t know. I’m just a kid. If what I feel for at least one of them isn’t love, then I don’t know what the f— love is.

LXXXIII.
Dear J,

Hey.
Hey.
Your face.
I like that shit.

You’re brilliant, you’re a sweetheart, and one of the funniest people I know, which is saying something. You always calm me down when I hit cars. I’ve hit multiple cars. Basically, you were my first kiss, and I’m really mean to you, and you knew this already. This isn’t poetry, just one weird Florida swamp girl in love with another, and I hope wherever we go there’s your fingers’ feeling for me.

LXXXIV.
Dear Best Friend,

You are pretty wonderful. You’re going to the moon, the stars, and going to find out exactly what comes after. Do you remember when we heard Conor Oberst’s answer to what he thinks happens after we die? He said he didn’t know, and it pissed him off. I like that kind of anger. And you know what, if anyone finds out what happens, it’ll be you. I don’t know exactly what I mean by that, but I know I mean it. Stay happy. Don’t let anyone stop you from being free.

Love,
-A

LXXXV.
You feel as if no one understands you. You express this to me quite often. You send me your writings and I understand each sentence. I wish you knew how much they mean to me, how much you mean to me. I understand you darling. I could only dream of expressing these same thoughts but I somehow can’t manage to find the right words. You are so beautiful and you don’t even know. I’ve only spent one night next to you and we didn’t even touch, but I will never forget the chills I got just listening to you breathe. Most of the time you are miles away and when you are near it’s never near to me. You made a promise we would be in each other’s lives more often. You never quite keep these promises but they still mean so much to me. I know everything would crumble if you were mine and its best we keep distance but I still can’t help but to think of you more than a person behind these heart stabbing words. You pour salt in my wounds yet somehow manage to make life seem real and manageable. I don’t know how you do this to me but I would feel empty if I lost you.

LXXXVI.
When you smile, I smile. I love it when you look at me with those beautiful eyes of yours. I love it when you smile. Your laughter is like a beautiful melody to me. I could always reply your voice in my mind a million times. I feel happy just thinking of you.

Like this:

353 thoughts on “Love Letters”

I want the weather to be freezing temperatures, so that it gives me every excuse to hold you in my arms, to keep you warm. I have cold hands, so maybe you hold them close to your heart to heat them? Because I’ve never met someone so warm hearted and as kind as you. I’m so lucky to have you in my life. I love you…Add me on face book ^.^ Thanks

I am so unbelievably broken by you. I had never planned to fall in love with you. We were both married and falling in love was never my intention.
The way you looked at me as if I was the only woman in the world. When you saw me from across the room, your whole face lit up with excitement as I’m sure mine did but I didn’t notice my expressions. I was in a trance caught in your eyes. Craving your touch. Ohhh the way you touched me. Like lightening bolts through my soul.
You’ve moved on so easily. And I’m still here after 6 months, crying daily and wishing I could run to you and have you hold me in your arms and tell me everything will be ok.
I will always love you.

I’m so in love with you – from the moment I saw you. The things you said to me. The way you looked at me. The way you appreciate me. I’m so grateful I found you. My love, you changed my life in so many ways. I will always be yours. I will always love you. No matter what.

Are you by chance the Jana Baker who wrote a book of poems was back around the mid 1960’s? “How love filled the corners of my heart!..Tingled in ever nerve of my body!..Yet I knew they must be held in check…”

I keep waking up expecting to see your face near mine like the days before. Not that you’d spent the night, just woke up early to come to me. I’d look at you sleepily, say a few “choice” words, flip over and wait for the forgive me kisses on my cheeks and neck. It was my weekend annoyance. I looked forward to it every morning (even though it didn’t show) because the greatest joy was waking up to your sweet laugh. I still remember, I’d hear the door bell ring at 9am. I’d put a pillow over my head and pretend I didn’t hear your phone calls. Then mom opens the door and I’d hear your feet klug up the stairs. You’d reach around the covers and I’d feel your smooth hands on my waist and warm chest at my back. I was already awake, taking in your smell, but would pretend to sleep on. I figured if I slept long enough, you’ll go away. Now though I figure if I sleep long enough, you’ll come wake me… the feel of your forgive me kisses, a month old, faded long ago. I still remember where they stung. Here… here… I think I’m still asleep… I must be… or else I’d be holding you in my arms as if you’d never left. Come wake me from this…

You touched my heart deeply.What you said was soooo sweet by the way the real name is kelebogile makgale.Oh here is a secret i am in love with Reabetswe Tumelo Pelenyane , he attends school with me at Boitseanape.I was going to tell him how i feel at the time we were cleaning before we started to write the final exam but guess what i chickened out.Besides i am told he has a girlfrien and it is breaking my heart.Peace out there!

there’s nothing in the world that would allow me let go of my feelings for you. i love you david. you’re the boy i think about when i lay in bed in hopes you’ll visit me in my dreams. i still remember standing outside of the restaurant for an hour with you, talking about how we had felt the same way for so long without letting each other know. i even remember telling you about how my family believed us to grow old together. i’ll never let go of the memories we share together. and even if things progress in the way they appear, please just know you’ll always have my heart.

I can’t believe it has been six months since I last saw your smile, since I last felt your arms around me, holding me tight and protecting me from the big bad wolves of this world. You were my protector, and one week later, you dropped me into this lonely abyss of “brokenheartedness”.

When I first met you, you worked at nothing more than to annoy me cause, as I find out later on, you were falling in love with my frown. What a strange notion, to fall in love with a frown. The first time you told me about falling in love with my frown, I felt like crying. Who falls in love with a frown?

and you said you do…because I looked so beautiful frowning, you were sure I’d look like a sweet angel smiling.

Two years, countless smiles, hugs, and kisses, you alone decided to throwaway two years of our love without warning. You told me to go away, you made me leave, even if I was fighting you every step of the way..I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to be there by your side through your ups and downs.

I wanted to be at your graduation, I wanted to celebrate with you when you passed the bar, I wanted to hold your hand when tragedy struck…I wanted to be there for you. Even with all the pain caused between us, I was willing to let go, forgive, forget, because I knew that the love we shared was real and worth it. But you made me go…you threw US away.

I thought we were forever, you promised me forever. And I don’t know how to move forward from these broken promises holding on to the remnants of my heart.

I still love you, you know, even if I show everyone I don’t. I still cry when I hear our song, and I feel a tug in my heart when I see the necklace you gave me. I sleep with one pillow less, the one you gave me to hug tight when you can’t be there to protect me from all the evils of the world.

So much time has passed, and I’m different now. I’m sure you are too…but one thing is the same…

Through the magic of facebook, I am now ‘friends’ again with you all. All of you whom I have left and hurt at one time or another.

My isn’t this strange.

But I see that you there, N. are married. And you too, C! Congrats to you both! C. has just had a lovely baby boy, and N’s wife just had his second child. K. you tell me that your work is going well and you are hanging out with old friends again. The other K. just had his second son and had a fantastic wedding, if the photos show anything. B. is living it up in California with a lovely girlfriend. E. has been married for a year now. F.’s girlfriend is model-beautiful, and P’s little girl is too-die-for cute!

So see? You are all happy and in love and (most of you) have beautiful children of your own.

Myself, I am happily married (no kids) and glad that we are friends again.

I wish. I wish. I wish you would talk to me. I sent you a letter full of everything you could ever want to know. You asked me, you told me; “Tell me everything.” and I did. I let go of insecurities and worries and told you everything I was thinking. I’m positive you received the letter, but you don’t even have the courtesy to tell me you have. How could you do that to me? Your silence hurts me more than anything. I want to know your side. I.. I need to know. You asked me to tell you and I did. Now it’s your turn and you’re not giving me anything back.

I always thought it wasn’t possible at this age. I always thought that those people who believed in love were stupid and naive, but I was wrong. I was really wrong. I met you and everything changed. It wasn’t a “the first time I saw you moment.” It wasn’t magical or anything really special, but I thank God every day that it happened. I’ve realized so much since you’ve come around and I’m still learning. I don’t completely understand what I feel for you because it just doesn’t make sense. We argue all the time, push each other around, annoy the hell out of each other, but I love it. I love you. I wish I could show you that, I’m trying, I really am. I want you to know that I’m always controlling the urge to hold your hand, put my arms around you, kiss you. It’s kinda funny because I got completely the opposite of what I thought I wanted. I guess you could say I got what I needed. I didn’t want to sugar coat this letter like I do everything else. I just wanted to let you know that I’ll always carry a piece of you with me wherever I go, no matter what happens between us. Even if this ends badly, it won’t matter because I know that ever since you’ve come around, I’m right where I’m supposed to be and that’s the first and best thing that’s ever happened to me.

You are so beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Your beauty overwhelms me in the best way possible. Everyday I am amazed at who you are; who you have the possibility of becoming. I have never seen so much potential buzzing around in one person. I have never seen a person who is already so wonderful without that potential. You don’t have to do a thing and I will always see you as the most incredible person I know. I have always always believed in you. I have always loved you. Your face, your soul, your words. You consume me and I love it. I want to crawl up next to you and stay there forever. Once I find you, I don’t want to ever leave. I want to travel the world with you. I want to settle down with you. I want to experience everything life has to offer with you by my side. No one else. Only you. I love you, I love you, I love you. You are the cold to my hot, the hot to my cold, the ketchup to my jam. I want you to come across this site and find this. I can’t tell you all of this. I don’t know if you want to hear it or not. I’d rather you come across it. Find me, love.

I remember the first time I met you. It was nine in the afternoon, and like a burst of sunlight, the moon fell in love with the sun. Now that things are shaping up to be pretty odd, I just want you to remember the days we ate sugar cane in the easy morning. Now, allow me to exaggerate a memory or two, but I’m pretty sure we were deeply and most definitely in love. You were steam, laughing on the window pane, and I was that never ending swaying haze. And while the men all played along to marching drums, you left me behind the sea. Now I’m brokenhearted, and forgetting you in a cabaret won’t help. I wish you would come back to me, because when I look in your eyes, I just see the skies. Even if you don’t love me, and are just passing the time, it won’t matter. My tripping eyes need your flooded lungs like birds are hollow words. I will always love you, sheepish wolf.

You are possibly the most beautiful person in the world. You are caring and kind and thoughtful, and you have a dog. This is not a love letter, this is a letter expressing how grateful I am that you exist. If you didn’t, I’m pretty sure I would die. You are amazing, and I hope your life is going good for you.

oh I am so broken hearted by my own mistakes… I had love… I had the best, most perfect heart that has ever pumped in the history of the world. I was blind. I lost it!

oh I lost it… only to realize too late what I had… everything. only to know that that heart was the only one I ever wanted… or will want.

and now I don’t know if I will ever, ever get that chance again. It breaks my heart in a way that sometimes makes me unsure if I can even stand just being from one minute to the next.

so to all of you who happen across this site, and this message: OPEN YOUR EYES!!! Real love… it is so rare. Don’t take it for granted and fight fight fight fight fight to hold on to it, to give it what it needs, to never hurt it or let it die. Do the hard things… open your mouth and speak your heart before it’s too late!

Happy Valentine’s bata! Here are little bits and pieces of stuff that I read and thought were suitable for us.

I love you for my own sake – for how you improve my life by driving me to be kinder and more understanding; changing the way I see myself and the world; making me question and even strengthen my beliefs and values. Yet it’s also just as simple as the fact that you make me feel wonderful and help me enjoy life just a little more than I would without you.

I understand that receiving love, and loving someone in return, is terrifying. You’re not the sort to make yourself vulnerable and neither am I. Love makes you weak in a way, I guess you could say…but more importantly, it makes you strong. This is just one of the reasons that I love love, and love loving you in particular.

Whenever you need me, Ill be there. I want you to know that I truly care. Whenever life knocks you down on your knees, I can be there as fast as you please. A shoulder to cry on when times are rough, an encouraging word when you don’t feel good enough. An ear to listen to your hopes and dreams. A voice of moderation when you’ve gone to extremes. Some one to share the good and bad with, Ill be the best friend you ever had.

Love is a frightening thing; it entails laying your heart on a cutting board, handing someone a knife, yet trusting that they won’t use it.

The Virtue of true love is not finding the perfect person but loing the imperfect person perfectly.

Love is not always about finding the one you can live with, it is about finding the one person you cannot live without.

Sometimes someone says that one small thing that fits perfectly into that small missing empty piece of your heart.

I guess what um really trying to say is..that…. thats I truly love you. As in not completely in love with you but I do love you. And out of all the times I said it, this time I wanted to make sure you understand what I meant. I do understand this is terrifying, but the thing is we should be able to do this the grown up way, the love inspired and understanding way. Cause we have, that’s exactly what we have been doing ever since we started getting close, so there would be nothing different, nothing ubnormal. The only change would be our recognition to our feelings, our honesty of who the other is for each other. For me, I do not want you as a boy friend cause that would be too childish and most of all an understatement, I do want you as a beloved person who would be there with me, I’d like you to be the one I go to prom with, who hugs me at my graduation and whispers the good luck, I would love you to be the one I run to after coming back from a long trip, I’d love you to be the one with me sliding down the alleys in City stars when we are bored. I guess there is no name or known description for who you’d be for me, but I think I pretty much summed it up by describing it. The thing is….. we understand each other, we see through each others eyes, and we do trust each other with our dirtiest secrets some times.

I do realize you were smiling when you read the middle part of the description, and I do also realize you are getting into a thoughtful mood now, I realize you will sit there and start thinking..and thinking….and thinking…but let me ask you for a favor; do not think too much about this, cause too much thinking eventually destroys love. Because love is a risk, and no mind would ever choose to take a risk not one with a high losing risk, but thats what really makes those first weeks of charm charm-full and thats what fills your stomach with butterflies every time we’d touch. So please do not think too much, just go with what your heart tells you, and I wish more than anything that after reading this you’d tell me that you wanna hold me just like I wanted to hold you while I was writing this letter.
Lastly, Thank You for being such a good influence on me, Thank You for letting me into your life, and Thank you for being who you are with me.

I can barely express it
Barely express what I feel.
How.
How to find the right instrument
And in finding it
Tuning it
Then mastering its ways.
If only to offer a glimpse
Of what I feel
For you.
You know who you are.

I just wish I could write you a poem. I wish I could sing you a song, draw you a picture, dance for you. I wish there was some gesture, some way in which I could express my love for you. Because, somehow, just saying it doesn’t seem as though I’m doing this feeling justice.

I just spent the last three hours crying over you. I know I should hate you right now for doing what you did, but all I can think about is how badly I need to feel your arms around me and your breath on my neck. I need you to whisper “I love you” in my ear just one more time. I wish I would’ve appreciated all those small things when I had you. I’ve never been so hurt in my entire life. You’re the only person I’m myself around. When I told you that you were my everything, I meant it. Losing you means that I’m losing my best friend, my backbone, my inspiration, my heart, my teacher, my passion. I love you and I always will, no matter what. You want to be friends, but I just can’t handle that. I’m lost and I need you to leave me alone and let me learn how to stand on my own two feet.

A,
I broke up with you 11 days ago, and I am so sorry. I know you don’t want to hear this, but I love you.
I love you for all the times you’ve said my name. I love you for all the times you’ve told me a stupid joke. I love you for all of the late night conversations and for all of the times you’ve fallen asleep on the phone with me. I love you even more for all of the times you’ve fallen asleep in my arms. I love you for all the times you’ve smiled at my flaws. I love you for all the times we’ve laughed together. I love you for all of the secrets we’ve shared with each other. I love you for all the hopes and dreams you have. I love you for every time I’ve looked into your eyes. I love you for the way you make me see things and feel things. I love you for everything you are and everything you are not. I love you forever and always, and I am willing to spend the rest of my life proving that to you. Come back to me.

147 Days
Counting down…
I miss you like, way too much. It’s honestly like a whole part of me that isn’t here and I feel it every second of every day. It’s hard. It’s hard being away from you. And it’s hard seeing everyone else around us. Holding hands, never alone. They try not to show it in front of us but just seeing them being able to be with each other… it’s nearly too much to handle and everytime I get so close to breaking down.

But I never do because we have to be strong and I love you enough. More than. They’ll never know what we have. Not even close.

I think I might love you.
I think it’s definitely possible that I want to spend hundreds of midnight hours wandering about with you. I want to see trees and climb them and sit at the top and talk to you. I sure hope you’ll come with me. otherwise I’ll have to climb alone.

Hi..
I’m writing because I can do nothing else. I really wish things would have ended up better between us. There’s not a day I don’t think about you and regret every wrong move I made. I don’t know what was wrong with me.. maybe just a complete idiot.
School starts Aug. 31
I’d kill to go back and confess my love to you.. tell you all my feelings ..
Why did I graduate, I should have failed math or something. I really hate myself for not telling you.. I’m sorry thomas..
Besides writing this in hopes that you recognize it and know, all I can do is hope and pray our paths cross again one day {soon hopefully?}

the first time i met you, i remember thinking i didn’t want to fall in love with you. wouldn’t. your eyes are so damn blue though. the ring i always wear, i picked it out because it reminded me of someone’s eyes that i thought were the blue-est imaginable, but i was wrong.
i wear it to remind me of you now. you have freckles on your nose, and never wear jewelry, and i miss you all the time, miss you waking me up early in the morning, miss hearing your voice, flustered, miss the plans we had.
we have so many plans, dear. and none of them ever come to anything, but i still try every time. i like believing in you.
you know, we take it on faith that the sun will come up every morning, that we are spinning every day. there is science to prove it now, but it is mostly a question of faith. i believe in you, like i believe in the sun, so when you leave, it’s like astronomy revisioning itself. i don’t like it when that happens, anyway.

I’ll never forget the first time I saw you. I didn’t know what hit me. I didn’t know what to do. Twelve years later and I still don’t know what to do. I want to hate you. I want to hate you for all those times you came over with your blonde hair and green eyes and danced around my room talking about ghosts and Oscar Wilde and your favorite ice cream flavors. I want to hate you for every time you gave me hope and then made me feel like a fool. I want to hate you for sleeping with my roommate the same night I told you that I loved you for the first time. I want to hate you for not letting me hate you. I know you’re confused and hurt and lonely. I wish you would let me take all your pain and sadness and just let me love you like I’ve wanted to since I was 9-years-old.

Matthew,
I wish I could somehow put into words all these feelings and thoughts about you that are whirling around in my mind. You’re the most amazing person I know. You’re funny and smart and so sweet to me. It started out as a crush, but now I like you so much. You mean so much to me and I care about you a lot! Now come over and hold my hand 🙂

R,
I don’t know how to go about telling you this so I’m just going to go ahead and do it. I have felt this for the last year but I haven’t said anything, because of her, and because of society, and because I am confused. I didn’t want to ruin things. But now you are leaving and this may be my last chance, and I don’t want to spend my life regretting never telling you.
So yes, I know this could ruin everything, but I love you. You’ve made me realize that cliches are cliches because they are based on fact, and that’s strange because you know I’ve always been the one who doesn’t believe in love. But you make me laugh so much. And I find myself wanting to be with you all the time, and searching for you when I walk into a room, and thinking about you as soon as I wake up. So many days and the only reason I’ve got out of bed was because I knew I would be able to see you.
So I know that this is maybe out of the blue, and I hope it doesn’t ruin everything, because I love you. I will keep loving you. And I can only hope that you might feel the same.
C xxx

for my love. i feel as if i already know you. for now you only exist in my heart. in my mind. in my dreams. but you’re not a fairy tale, nor an expectation that can’t be met. you’re there……and I will find you.

I don’t really know what I’m writing. I’ve never written love letters before. That’s because I have never really given anyone the chance to mean anything to me. I have always been SO AFRAID of getting hurt. It seems, from all my past experience, that when keeping a “safe” distance I end up hurting myself anyway. So what’s the point? I might as well just jump right in.

I don’t really know what I’m writing. I’ve never written love letters before. That’s because I have never really given anyone the chance to mean anything to me. I have always been SO AFRAID of getting hurt. It seems, from all my past experience, that when keeping a “safe” distance I end up hurting myself anyway. So what’s the point? I might as well just jump right in.
So here it goes. I like you. That’s all. I’m not wanting to freak you out or anything. I just want you to know that I genuinely care about you. I want to make you happy. I want to see you smile, hear your laugh. I want ou to trust me and I want to be able to trust you. The fact that I feel this way freaks me out. I have no idea what I’m doing. I could really babble on forever but I feel like that would take away from the reason I am writing this. Which is to say that I like you, just to reiterate that.

its time for bed. closing my eyes. i feel you beside me. the warmth of your body. feet tucked under blankets. so close i can feel your breath. so beautiful i can hardly sleep. so in love i can hardly wait on the next day. just to see you again. sleep well my love.

what happens with this scream that wont come out? that latches on every breath i exhale. yet wont leave my body. it weighs down my breath and pulls deeply toward the pit of my being. like a black hole. sucking up the very life that allows it to exist. is it love? or the fear of being alone? i dont know. but i live each day. trying to scream. trying to find you. hoping you can hear it…..

i’m shy on words lately. there are only so many ways to say some things. some have to be unspoken. if i could reach out and touch you how much i could say. with just a touch. a glance. just my arms around you. those things not defined by words. kept only by the language of love. one day love. one day…

how is it that love can be so great yet be so painful? so encompassing of life. it swallows every emotion in its path. its strength pushing the envelope towards complete fulfillment. or the most black emptiness. filling your spirit with ethereal bliss. or robbing your soul of its purpose. leaving you a shell of hardened life. engulfed at each end of the spectrum, i’ve lived. i’ve lost. my plight to forge a life has become a search for my loves resting place. in your heart. beside your soul. dancing with your spirit. within every second of this day i feel it in my chest. the passion that reaches for you. into an empty atmosphere. hoping for the existence of love never ending.

goodnight sweet love. i could probably sit here and talk forever. a scream in the night. words that seem to fall apart in the air. yet finding their way each letter that makes these words i breathe. coming together again before they fall upon your ears…..sleep a beautiful night….dream….love

i should go out for a while. i’ll blow you a kiss. wrap you up in my thoughts. keep you close to my heart. and later i’ll return. to this place that gives hope. comfort. and the magic of you….have a happy evening……

what words can i find for another night without you. what more can i say. what could i possibly say. can you imagine telling someone you’ve never met how much you love them every day. and doing it again a different way. i guess its easy when you dont have to think. when its comes from your soul its already written….

[…] love letters. YOU ARE this is a collection of love letters we wish we could write & we wish we could … it to memory so i wont ever have to second guess myself when i do something for you. i love … […]

let God carve me from the rock that holds this mountain of words i write. i’ll stack my thoughts like stones climbing each one. until at that peak i can scream your name. knowing it will fall on your ears. finding its way with the breeze made by angels flapping their wings. stand still. wait. breathe. love…..

I…..am nothing, like a snowflake, unique yet destined for the quilt of deathening purity that is snow. The silence is respite against a backdrop of misty blue. But you, you feed my design….

I could throw myself onto you and dig my nails into you licking up the blood like a dedicated little cat. I would feed on you too eagerly and lose total control, lose my rides through snowflake town on a gentle breeze.

The winter would freeze you and the sun would shrivel you and the kitten would walk away eventually: “A person’s life is their primary value because it is their inescapable basic goal.” I couldn’t drag your armchair through a snowy woods when can’t walk…kissing you and crying over you. Dreams of kissing my dead grandfather in my sleep. It’s not the right route.

You will go back to her the woman who placed you at her altar and was subsequently whipped by her psychopathic god.

This isn’t the real me…she wouldn’t be so treacherous. She’s the one who cried and cried, dying for someone, of any stature or thought-diseased to cuddle. Dying for the ugliest, sweetest human being to see me and feel me.
The need to be touched: so psychologically ingrained, even a blanket against skin will reassure one of their existence. I’ve always preferred pyjamas.

‘Walk in silence; don’t turn away in silence, your confusion, my illusion’. A cat with her belly and neck exposed to the heater will let me stroke her in gentle consideration. She won’t flinch, just like your emotional jugular that I all but strangled. Is it really so hard to walk away. Walking away is death, when life is simply do or die. Does death have a state that can be aspired to….the 13th floor, which imitates eternal love?

Imagine a love greater than one’s own preservation-adoration?

So accepting of me, so open to an alternative alternative. ‘So lacking’ according to my mother, ‘so heartless’ according to my father. So ‘lazy’ according to me. You barely chased me. What I need noone could fulfil. So noone will handcuff me to the bed and sing songs of perfect pressure upon my skin? noone will climb around me like a creeper and pin me down.

You will be condemned and pain shall be brought to you on banquet dishes. Come to me so I can punish you. I hate you so much for having and holding the key to my heart and twirling it round your pinky in reckless abandon. Let me whip you. So sad and mad you don’t have it in you to whip me like I need to be whipped.

You have left my mailbox barren but it doesn’t matter anyway, my stomach wouldn’t swoon after you…

My family you have stripped away until they are hanging off the periphery of my life like rose wallpaper of the posh-kitsch pretty past. I have noone in this world now but the occasional cat and singular child who loves me despite the mysterious stranger i am.

Borderline personality disorder. Blame it if it means less pain. Somehow i am neutral about your stress threshold. It was really thoughtful of you to leave me in a lower-end-of-the-market room with a busted light bulb and a heater to warm me after threats to hold me in a residence i hate.

but there can’t be hate. This time holds the curative concoction, apathy tinged with the feeling i’m beginning to grow up in this world finally; no longer a juvenile stalking cat who follows human mamas down bush tracks.

Thanks for being a mothering mother and father to me, but your hand is only so strong and I had to leap into the sky at some stage. Back where we started snowflake 😉

After the cars and the motels and the yards,
After someone left their outdoor light on on saturday night
And we were intimate as a ball of yarn in bed together
Thanks for nurturing me my friend.
Thanks for feeding my love addiction and letting me feed yours.
I will always remember us
Until death extinguishes all cerebral mechanisms
and there is not a record of an ‘us’ who held hands as we walked
around like ants to the outer spatians
And tried to fill up on one another in a hope our bellies
Would anounce we were spiritually satiated.
And the seconds are always pulling at our clothing,
leading us in this direction and that….
and now there is nought for us to do but distract ourselves
until the end delivers and our tired minds are too drifty
and far away to think of the other.

ruminations echo against bare walls. empty rooms inside a hollow man. finding it hard to breathe. where inside do i lay my heart. peace holding my smile when most of my day is marked. lost when that reminder is found. why does this extreme to peace haunt me. why cant i be found with the middle in sight. why does the vision of love elude me when i look with all but my eyes. do i ask so much of this world that i shouldnt be allowed a hand in mine. lips that speak yet purse to kiss. the sound they make as amazing as their touch. this flame that only exists from which it burns turning over from one day to the next. perhaps i should douse it now. finding hope in giving lest i fall short from my desires. finding selfless acts my reward for breathing borrowed air.

so there they are. more words. collected by the very mind i question. heart and soul the jury. prisoner of time in passing. in innocence i weep. tears trace the lines in my face. another scream. not spared by heaven. her dark abyss covering as fog. left to my devices i struggle. no light to shine. burden of my mind. how far shall i go before eyes can see what the rest of me knows is out there. does the weight of my life hold down the marker. shall the flesh of her skin not become my touch. her breath my breath. her heartbeat the rythm of my march. lay down my heart. my words. my breath. my touch. my passion. my embrace. the hands which hold her. my joy. my sorrow. my all. i am empty. a vessel in waiting. carved from the pain of lonliness. holding for great love.

so these are the words scattered through a field of stars. tangled amongst them looking for the brightest. the one that dims the others. the scream of the universe.

do you hear me. no not your ears. my words. the sound. but the voice of my soul. what message does it give. to whom does the burden fall. to walk alongside despair. emptying a cup that finds its fill. can you see me in this sacred place. i’ve waited for this day. this day that appears. my dream alongside my tears. be lost or found. one day is the next. it doesnt matter. you decide. leave the lone alone. find the place you find. i stand here before my soul. hiding it behind the days fold. it doesnt last unless i ask it to. or leave unless i leave it for you. what stand is that. nothing left. this day i found the voice of my soul.

vulnerable heart cradled in the palms of her hands. flights of the mind cracking the window to my soul. thoughts plundered. found balance becoming my stand. only shaken by the echoes of her breath. finding place on the wings of the wind. her whisper the trees bend. her gentle touch beckoned again. this day.

the light illumes through a heart found transparent. thoughts laid out in prose. at times finding rythym. other times a conscious stream in lieu of form. i’ve chased screams through my dreams. sound not finding wings. evermore living within the walls of my being. alas the echo becoming my friend. wading through days of undulation. seeking consistency. peace. reprieve from angst. learning to become the action. foiling reaction. yet still in strength found…..humility is my north. north is my sight….my north. and i think of my north this moment with fondness…..occuring to me she is north.

my Acropolis. where my words as pawns have protected a king with no queen. where naked i’ve stood atop this fortress. at the top of this rock. screaming in every direction. searching for soul and spirit. love and balance. many days finding another stone to climb. sometimes close enough to touch the heavens. yet often just a mirage….and for the best i might add. so now i wonder if its time to leave. lest i become imprisoned by the walls that have protected me. in so many things the balance is found fragile. will i just swing with the pendulum lest i move past this place. i’ve never been one to defy gravity. i’ve tried. i’ve learned to work with it instead.

sitting here. i think. spheres of the baoding circling in my palm. wondering if too long i’ve been a student of my own being. if i’ve been selfish. my existence only to understand my existence. tears find me in thought of what i could possibly do for someone else. if only i let go of my own being. in one…..i have seen an entire life devoted to others. selflessly. the most incredible contribution where no conditions lie. a light that shines for the world. the closer i get to the light. the more i see how i was right. perhaps one day i will hold the light…

so these are my thoughts. my heart has been touched. my days lightened. time will tell how days unfold. but for now i am without searching. with no breath for anyone other than one. even if my words and thoughts and feelings are not always equalled they are always unconditional. i will find contentment in the journey. no matter how it lays before me. and if it should be that i walk alone….then i’m still okay. for i found me along the way.

I am wholeheartedly in love with you. There is absolutely nothing I would change about you, because I am in love with every inch, centimeter, and millimeter of you. This love is unexplainable and I am speechless at times when I’m with you but I am positive that I love you. The happiness that we share together is nothing I have ever experienced and only thought “the lucky ones” could have this. You are my everything and I wouldn’t change a thing about that.

To the love of my life, I can’t believe how lucky I am to have found you.

Tard,
I still love you as much as the first time I told you. I can never forget you; there’s never a day that goes by that I don’t think of you. I can remember how you walk. How you push your glasses up your nose. How you sound when you sing. I know I called it off but I couldn’t handle what was going on. You didn’t trust me and Didn’t trust you. Every day I feel like I’m losing you more and more. On the way back from your grandfathers I sat next to you in the middle of the bench seat; I thought you should know that was the day I knew I would never love anyone else as much you. You’ve made it so hard to love anyone else. I still have the note you chewing gummed to my car. telling me you love me even if you seemed distant.
Love,
Your soul mate

Dear Mr. Grumpy, I was really upset when you deleted me on your contact. I only pray you never leave me behind and hopefully we can meet in person instead of seeing each other almost every night on skype. I know we are miles apart so only that we can do. I thought love was dead but it changes when I met you. To be honest, I was block your skype after we had our first time to videocall. I was scared, scared if I drown to deep. But.. Here I am! I’m drowning into deep to you. All I can say here, I really miss you, miss your grumpy face, your silly things when I’m start telling you about ladyboy, miss your confuse face because of my bad english, and last, I really miss the time I saw your face when we’re start video call. I really hope we can meet in the future, I’m still praying the best for your job, I have a feeling you’ll be a great architect. I bet if you found this, you really know who write this letter.

It’s been 6 years. Six years since we spoke, six years since I saw you, since you made me laugh, since the day I broke your heart and had absolutely no idea I was doing so. I didn’t know you wanted me as much as I had wanted you and buried away because I never thought it was possible. But six years later, you still come to my mind. I still think about you and I have from time to time since the last day we spoke. I wonder if you ever think of me still, doubtful, last I heard you got engaged and are to be married soon. And that’s why I’m writing this letter here. Because your happy and I will be one day too. I guess this is more of a loving farewell. I doubt I’ll ever stop thinking about you and I’ll always be filled with what ifs. But I miss your smile, I miss your laugh, and your insane love for getting in a ring and fighting with other guys. I miss the metal music you play and I’ll never forget that night we and a few others took a road trip all around our part of PA. I’ll never forget when we went to the graveyard then over to the park. I’m glad your happy, I’m glad you found love.
Miss you K.K. ❤ V.P.

When we first kissed, i knew it was the kind of kiss that made me know that i was never so happy in my whole life. And i realized at that moment that i really did love her. Because there was nothing to gain, and that didn’t matter. We don’t always talk or see each other, but we were just there together in thoughts. And that was always enough at least for me.. that was the time when i thought we were infinite.. Please believe that things are good with me, and even when they’re not, they will be soon enough. And i will always believe the same about you. I’m not bitter. I am sad, though. But it is a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just takes time. So now, i am closing my eyes because I wanted to stay and know nothing but her arms…
i love you then, now and forever…. mapt120799asm

J,
This isn’t anything you haven’t heard before but I want you to know that from the minute to came into my life I haven’t been the same. Thank you. I hope that we can spend a million forevers together.
K

I would like to think that this is a message from you to me. But the K is missing the full stop. The one you sign off with. The one you put after every kiss at the end of every message. So I think it unlikely. But if it is you, know that since that moment in September, my world has been turned upside down. The way your name wraps around my tongue. The way your tongue wrapped around mine when we kissed. The way I can get lost in your beautiful eyes. At the thought of all of these my heart still twists around itself. It’s been 12 weeks now and about 6 since that email and we were honest about our feelings. But I don’t know where you are right now… What I do know is that all I want to do is to hold you and to make you smile again. I’m not quite sure I know where I am either, but what I have to do is becoming clearer if not any easier to contemplate… I know we could be good together. To have the chance to spend a million forevers together sounds so right.

J

PS A friendship for a million forevers would always feel like a pale imitation, but I could live with that.

ive been sitting here for hours staring at a blank sheet of paper thinking about what to say to her to get her back, not im sorry or i love you somthing much deeper then that, the last two years of my life she has been my best friend and my soul mate and ive hurt her very bad never cheated or hit her just lowered my self and done some thing that crushed her,thanks to these blogs and replys ive finally found what to say. hopless romantic naahhh there is no such thing never hopless. ive learned never give up hope,in time if you truly love him or her you can and will do what ever it takes to get the BEAUTIFUL perfect amazing girl of your dreams love of your life and center of your whole world back my Marriah breanne sanchez! theres only one and shes mine!
thanks everyone. sencerly R.J. Fuller

i should in moments as this be glad for the depths i reach into my spirit. into the most passionate well of heart and soul. to taste her keeping. kissed by an autumn rain and flowing with flowers for her they are wild…..softened by the light of our moon and yes it is our moon. so here. here. one breath that follows another. in waiting moments before i see again for the first time. anew the vision when again i see. yet for anyone else its next time…..for her it is always the first….the first….the first time for when i see her….so grasp i do the way i feel for her…..with a smile and heart of peace……the heavens can now fall around her. there is no other like her…..

K, I know ive neglected you over the last six month but believe me it had to be done. You may feel ive toyed with your
feelings but baby it is so complicated. I would have love to run away you when I had the chance but at the same
time my heart was breaking because I am never not loyal to the ones I care about. Your feelings got hurt and its
tearing me up inside. I totally understand why you ignore me and act like you dont know me, that I deserve and more.
I am completely and utterly at a standstill waiting in hope that one day you wil forgive me so we can make our plans a
reallty. I sometime dream of us together as one and oh my god its beautiful and perfect, the meaning and
understanding of eveything. It is so deep and complex for the mere understanding of just anyone but baby thats us.
C

It’s been over a year since we broke up. You have someone new; I’ve recently gotten back together with the ex from before you. Maybe these relationships will work out better for us. There isn’t a day that I don’t think about you, though. Isn’t it funny how we don’t even talk anymore? Even though we said we’d still be best friends? You were my best friend, you know. I can’t believe how much you let me lean on you for three years, now that I think about it. That wasn’t fair to you. There was so little I was brave enough to do on own and that’s why, that’s why I sabotaged everything, to make it so I had to let you go. All that talk about going separate ways in the future… about not being able to picture us working out… about you not wanting what I wanted… the fact is, I was happiest living day to day with you whether at school, overseas or at home. I was happy not knowing what was going to happen, just seizing each day with love and laughter. I regret that I lost sight of that. You have no idea how heartbroken I was when I learned you felt things were better this way. But… I’m happy that you seem happy (from what I can tell on Facebook, even though just viewing your page nowadays seems to send me into a fit of tears and “if only”s).

It’s painful that you’re not next to me anymore when I wake up every morning. I miss your voice, your laugh. I miss watching you from across the room working hard on some school assignment. I miss the warmth and familiarity of you by my side in a group of mutual friends. I miss being able to spot you out in a crowd on campus. I miss being part of your family. I miss the way you used to look at me when I was your most important person. I miss looking into those hazel eyes. You’ll never have any idea how much I miss you, I think, though god knows I told you again and again about a year ago. You deserve the very best and brightest future. You deserve someone who won’t hold you back, someone who won’t turn to the wrong crowd when she doesn’t get her way and then take for granted all the beautiful things you’ve done for her, shared with her. I once heard that “getting over” a breakup takes at least half the length of time that the relationship lasted. Looks like I have at least six more months to go, huh? You don’t have to worry, I will find happiness again. The one blessing of being apart from you is that every day, I gain a little more courage to do the things I was afraid to do alone before. But honestly, I don’t believe I’ll ever be “over” you. You’re still very precious to me, even when we’ve been careless with one another, even though we can’t find time for catching up anymore, even though you’re far away and might not even be thinking about me at all. You’ll always have a place in my heart. And I wish I could tell you that if you’re ever feeling as alone or as lost as I feel right now, you’re always welcome to come to me.

I know you don’t like all the lovey dovey corny sappy cliches. To put it simply : I Love You. I wish I had the courage to tell you that. I’m sorry I broke your heart. I wish you were my daughter’s daddy. I wish you would let me stare into your eyes and allow yourself to be connected with me. I hope I can someday regain your trust, but I don’t know if that’s possible. I don’t think you will believe me so I don’t tell you these things. I wish distance wasn’t in the way of us being together. I wish things were different. I wish you could wrap your arms around me tight. I wish you were mine. I loved you then and I still do. I remember when I first caught eyes with you over 3 years ago. I will never forget that memory. You were my spades partner and we won. I felt a rush in my chest when our eyes met. I didn’t know what to do or how to act on it I was confused. I remember we connected on a mental level that night too. We had a real conversation and I could tell you were an intelligent person with more to you than just that handsome face. I wondered if I would ever see you again or get the chance to talk to you. I’m glad you found me months later after I had moved. I love our conversations and I wish we could spend time just being around eachother. I want to be with you, but I don’t know if that’s possible. I love you Darius. I wish I could prove it to you…..

CD
To be able to “just be” would be the answer. For nearly five years we’ve been everything to each other and more.. Do you think that we will now drift apart when we’re no longer together every day..? That old cliche “time will tell” is a cliche for a reason I suppose. I’m crying as I write this as I fear that all may be lost. However the way you have made me feel so loved is a joy, a gift, an eternal pleasure for which I am at a loss before it is even over…
I love you forever… Smudga xxxx

I believe I shall settle this. Vegetable racism? Despicable. You should be locked up for life. Everyday, carrots are being segregated from apples and banans because they don’t taste as good. Well, at the end of the day, spanners can’t mate, apples rot and celery belongs ina salad, dimwats.

they say to truly love someone you have to have once hated them?
how can you be so broken from someone you never even dated?

do you remember that time i waited for you? you walked away when you felt like you had no one, and i followed.

do you remember that summer i spent with you?
i remember, it was then that i saw a different side to you.
i know i brought out the confidence in you, it was one of the best things i had ever seen. i’d never seen you act like such a twat until you were with me that summer.

do you remember the first time i met your family? i tell a different story, but everyone knows the truth.
do you remember when we lost most of our friends? we stuck together through everything.
do you remember when we went out to all of those places? THE MEMORIES, SO CLOSE TO ME.

i remember getting thrown out of our favourite restaurant because we were pissing about too much.
i remember on that same day, we throw shoes at a man and it landed on his shoulder.
i remember going somewhere with you, for the first time, that i usually go to with other people. my favourite time though? was when i went with you.

i remember everything you have ever said to me.
i remember everything about you.
i remember all of our memories and how much they mean to me.

i remember that soon we have to choose where to go.
i remember that i don’t know, because i don’t want to loose you.

sometimes i get scared that we don’t remember the same things and that you’ll forget me.

do you remember for a whole year we talked non-stop every night?
we were inseparable. everyone said it, everyone knew it.
so what happened to us?
why do you feel the need to push me away? after everything we’ve been through?

i wish i wasn’t afraid to ask you.

i guess i just fell in love with our friendship.
you’re my favourite person, and you always will be.
but you can be a right dick.

I love u az! U r the love of my life! I stant out side the gate to get a glimpse oh ur hot body and i would love to french kiss u! Lets have sex in the train all alone! U and me naked and v play with eachother. U strap me and i strap u!

I love the first poem.I am sort of like that at school wen i see Reabetswe.I got a secret crunch on him.He makes me laugh,blush and panic.my heart skips a beat just the thought of him espeacially when i see him.I think i am over him but the feeling come rushing in like a river after a drought.Ahh..i love him with heart in secret but it breaks when he is with his girlfriend.

i love these writings, it truly did move me.
i am a writer, and i have been in a slump for a while, and most of my poems are about someone i really care for.
This help me understand a new reason to understand what a relationship and love is, and now i can respect my own writings and everyone of my friends with a new meaning after to reading all of these.

someday i hope to make a poem up here so i can too inspire others, move them like i them, and make an impact as well.

Those Were The Days… when We Were Together.. Laughing or Crying.. Living Or Dying…
These Are the Days.. WHEN We Are Not Together… Even If I Am Laughing ITs Almost LIke Crying!!!!
For All My School Buddies To Let You Know.. How Much I Miss You And Your Company!!!!! 😦 😦 😦

My ribs become your stringed instrument
A lyre made of bone
Notes plucked from my body
Hermes at my window
Orpheus in my heart
If I stare too long, what then?
Will you vanish into the mist
To while away the hours
Playing music
For the dead?

In the dampness of the night
A coiling song wrapped around our bodies
And remained
unsung.

I loved you for over a year, even after you stopped loving me, but enough is enough. After last night, after that fight and all the cruel words that were shared, I realise now just what you were doing to me. You destroyed me and the happy person I was and I was too weak to see this because of how in love I was with you.

Thank you for the beautiful memories we shared, although seldom in the end. Thank you for teaching me so much about myself, including who I want to be and the people I want to be around. Thank you for showing your true colours and pushing me away so drastically in those final hours, and allowing me to be strong enough to finally let go. You made me weak minded, and poisoned my mind making me feel insignificant and unworthy- I am strong enough now to say no, stop playing your games, stop your power control. I’m through.

I do not love you anymore. I know this is a site of love, but I am celebrating what I had, but I just can’t do it to myself anymore. I no longer see myself marrying you, talking to you, or looking at you again. I hope when we see each other again, it will be peaceful, and a smile can be exchanged to know that what we once shared was real, beautiful and amazing, but that it is time to let go and forgive.

Please may you grow in life, into a better person. I take responsibility for how I treated you, it is time you did the same so you can improve and hopefully find an amazing girl and marry her- but treat her right.

What a terribly vain posting site. Anyone who posts a love letter they wrote never wrote the letter out of love, as the mere act of “publishing” it diminishes its validity. People are really strange. Dont you realize a love letter is for but ONE set of eyes? It is not a public document. Only in death should someones letter ever see the light of public day. Silly site.

I can’t help but disagree on that. Many of these are things the writers wished they could say but couldn’t bring themselves to say it to the one they mean it for. Having somewhere that they can feel they’ve said it, even if it never reaches the eyes of the one it’s for… can lift a weight from a person. Many of those I read carry a fair bit of pain and regret, and getting that said in any medium is an amazingly effective way to start towards being free of that.

I was confused, I was lonely, I didn’t notice you, for that i am sorry. You didn’t know but when you talked to me when none else would I smiled inside, I couldn’t show it.. I was scared you would push me away. like all the others in my life. We had so much in common but I didn’t want you to leave so I left it be. You was always in a relationship with someone else. You were in and out, started anew, and broke up repeatedly. I loved you the moment I heard the soft silky edge on your voice. You were the only one who didn’t judge me on sight and stay away. Deep down I was different, on the outside I was different. I had secretly promised you that I would stay faithful for all my life. I had devoted myself to your happiness in such a way that few could understand. I had decided that what ever made you happy I would help you with it, even if it meant that I couldn’t be with you, I didn’t care, Just that you’d be happy. I was a loner, a freak, a little Einstein. And now……You are gone without so much as a good bye. I wont be angry, I’ll just pray for you. And now here I am, typing my love to a chat log, but praying you’d read this and think of me. I’ll see you sooner or later and I just might tell you this in person. But I doubt you will ever know this but i love you and I wont forget you. . Goodbye

We had only known each other for the shortest amount of time. But the feelings I had for u were different. Different to anything I’ve ever felt before. It was good. I craved to be held by you. It was going to be hard and now it’s even harder, your on the other side of the world now. Other people may think I’m stupid. But what we have is indescribable. I know u feel the same. I miss u terribly, I think about u constantly. I often wish we could have met earlier. Or that we had more time together. I can’t wait to see u again. I’m scared, excited, nervous. All in one. Although my whole life I came to believe falling in love so quickly is impossible… Now I know that it can happen. I love u and I miss you

It’s been months since I’ve seen you, and this has been the hardest time of my life. I don’t want to grow apart from you, and I have been more scared than I have ever been before. Everyday I alternate between feeling like we can do this and feeling like we are going to break up any day now. But I’m going to see you in 4 days! And now that I know you are so close to me I remember what it feels like to be happy again. I know that we are worth it and that we are going to make it through these long years apart. You make me too happy for me to ever say goodbye for good. I love you more everyday, which I didn’t think was possible. Every morning I would wake up and tick off the days; 78, 77, 76… Now every morning when I get up and go to scratch another day off my calendar, I have to jump around. Four days! Those are my two favorite words right now. Our love is worth this struggle, remember that. I know you are just as scared as I am. I won’t forget you and I won’t move on. You are the only one for me.

It never ceases to bring a smile upon my face – the word. Static. How odd for you to pick such a pseudonym for a love letter. You, of all people. You, who I never thought would have a speck of interest for a lady like me. A lady whose life strands are made up of finesse with a hint of boyishness that makes up the entirety of the string. And there you are, a lad who is entirely what a man ought to be – perhaps more. And yet here we are, in love, bound together.

It’s been three years since you’ve first made it known that you were fancying me. We were very young then, mostly me. Sadly, things didn’t work out – we had to look to others for the feelings we weren’t yet capable of giving to each other. But, truly, we’ve loved each other. And our love has not been in vain.

We’ve been separated, forced to study – and in different places. But we’ve managed to get through by letters, many such as this. And I am very happy that after everything that has happened, destiny has finally given up on letting you stay away. That she has finally come to her senses that a love like ours cannot be retrained and bound within our hearts forever. I reckon she had grew tired of my persistent pleas that our love is meant for us to share together – with each other, in each other.

I’m smiling again. It is true, then. That what we have is indescribable. Words are not needed, yet passions still burn in our bosoms. A look quenches it all. A touch satisfies the soul. It will always be like this – like you said – static. And I hope we will come to be like our love, as well.
I have loved you. And I still do. For always.

I cant believe i wrote a letter to you on this clog Shame. I love you. I sent him this letter and he was speechless. What do you think of it. I love him. Shane for you from of Cirrus. Thats what i feel

Aw, this was a really nice post. In idea I would like to put in writing like this additionally – taking time and actual effort to make a very good article… but what can I say… I procrastinate alot and by no means seem to get something done.

Maybe I don’t usually say that i love you. I know it makes you a little bit sad. But I can swear i truly love you though i don’t talk to you :). Trust me, baby :). Sometimes I want to tell you what I think, but then i don’t know how to say. I’m so bad, aren’t I?. Anyway, I love you, my superhero. xoxo

Dear Old Andy,
I have to admit something.. I lied when I told you I only had a slight crush on you. I love you with all of my heart. I have for months now. I didn’t want to tell you the truth because you are my best friend, I was afraid it would mess things up.. I was right. Only it didn’t freak you out in the way I feared. Instead, it made you realize that we could be a reality. That night at the bar, when you almost beat Clint up, I saw it in your eyes. I heard it in your voice when you leaned in and whispered me that I deserved a man like you. And it all scares you because you love your girlfriend. I understand it, as you know I have always had my fingers crossed for the two of you because I love you that much.
Today you told me that in another dimension you would make me the happiest girl in the world; and in that dimension, I am sure you have. But in this dimension, you have decided to cut me out of your life for the sake of your relationship. I never thought knowing that you had true feelings for me could hurt me so much.
I feel as though my chest will rupture at any minute and my guts will spill on to the floor, and I’m not strong enough to try not to bleed out when you aren’t standing on my side.
I think the hardest part is that you don’t seem to be hurting over this. You’ve made more excitable Twatter posts today that you have in a while. I realize now I am expendable to everyone. Even those who I thought held me so close.
You are the most amazing person I have ever known. You are so passionate about the things you love; I long to be one of those things. You have a smile that could light up this whole state, the world even. You are going to do great things, and even if we aren’t talking I will still be watching you flourish.
I will try to be strong. I will resist telling you how much I miss you already, and how much I know I will miss you every tomorrow to come. I will try not to cry myself to sleep tonight. I will try to smile and not let anyone see how much it is going to kill me when I see you at the bar. I will try not to call and sing to you for your birthday. I will try not to love you anymore. And I will not to expect you to change your mind; though, I will always have hope that our paths will cross again one day. That you will find me and we will pick up our friendship. I will cling to the hopes of one day going to watch a Barca match. I hope that you will miss me and think of my from time to time. For I know that I will always miss you.
Mainly, I am going to hope that no matter what happens between us, that life is kind to you. That you are loved the way you deserve, and that you are happy always.
i love you..
</3

Complicated,
Since i met you these few years ago,my life it was so being different,so happy to have you but my heart so much painful as i do fall in love with you and as you are complicated,you know what i mean to!? Actually,i was trying to move on and give up my feelings for you and find a good way to for get you without pain feelings but it not so easy and it was so difficult for me to do as i love you very much and more than that you’ve had know and my life not complete without you by my side but please knows this,that whatever happen to our each life you”re always be part of my life and i will always keep you inside my heart and to love you forever and i would never for get you until the rest its because you are the only one and special human who make my life comfort and make me knows if how much important when you are real in love and all the best things that was come to all my life,is just only you Mr. Complicated and because of you i have many nice things that i have learned and knows to my life and also because of you,i know now how to cry with the word love that i have not trying ever since and even if their i have a many boyfriends was passing by me but i would never do cry,you are just only one who make me cry causing my love to you as you are complicated man that i love very much you are very very important to me and you are the one that i want to love.
I will always loving you even though you are complicated man and even if i got married to the another guy if whenever it happen but my feelings for you it would never be change…
LD

I know it may sound strange but I cant stop thinking about the day when I finally meet you when I finally look into your eyes and tell you that I love you and when you will be standing next to me and ill have you in my arms I hope that day will come because my love for you will never be undone and hearing your voice for the very first time would be like heaven and you would be mine you would be my only light on this dark world you will be my Angel you will be my little beautiful girl you are the one I want so let us twirl let us share the heavenly side of things and maybe one day give you a diamond ring but I dont know if this would come true only you can make it happen

“This is how the story went, I met someone by accident, who blew me away…blew me away…and it was in the darkest of my days when you took my sorrows and you took my pain…and you buried them away…buried them away… (Adele)”

When I saw your face for the very first time (on a picture), I had this exciting feeling (butterflies and all) in my stomach, and I knew that one day you’ll mean so much to me … and considering the circumstances of my life at the time, I heard myself saying “oh shit.” I was not ready to fall in love. I didn’t expect it. I wasn’t looking for it. And… I did not want to fall in love.

But then I did exactly that. I fell in love with you, a bit more each and every day. I wish I could say “I don’t know why” but I do. There are thousands of reason … too many to list here. Maybe I’ll have a chance to share them with you one day … but for now we are at the place that I was fearing the most. The place I did not want to be at when we first met…. stuck in liking each other, but fearing of trying anything more than friendship. I’ve never been more confused in my life about what I want, yet I somehow keep coming back to you. My thoughts keep coming back to you. I wish you felt the same way about me, as I do about you. Being friends is hard, when all I could think is how much I want to kiss you. I’ve never craved a kiss as much as I crave one from you. Somehow I know that it would be the best first kiss I ever had … yet that kiss will never come. Despite the physical attraction between us, the wall we’ve built seems to be standing strong. You only see me as a friend, and I guess I’ll have to learn how to live with that … or say good bye. And I loose with both.

Regardless of what happens today, and all of our tomorrows, I want you to know:
You changed my life. You made me believe in my dreams again. You helped me open the door to my future. You lighten up my day with every call, text, or message you send me. You make me giggle even when we are fighting. You give me hope. You make me believe. Your wittiness encourages me to be myself, and be silly. You bring out the best and worst in me. You give me strength. You make me feel beautiful. You … mean a lot to me, and it scares me…

I love you so deeply
I love you so much
I love the sound of your voice
The way we kiss and touch
I love your warm smiles and your kind thoughtful ways and the joy you bring to my life everyday
I love you today as I have from the start
And I promise theres nothing in this world that can tear our love apart.

Johnny, mi amor, even though we are hundreds of miles away from eachother, every morning when i wake up, i squeeze my fingerstogether as if your fingers are intertwined in them still. like i am still there. i dont want you to wait for me. i want you to find someone who you dont have to wait for, ever. you dont have to have your heart broken by me ever again. i told you, wewere never having a last kiss. there would always be another. i guess that has changed. with 10 hours seperating us, i can never get the hope to feel your softlips again. goodbye, and find your happiness. even though i will never find mine. i love you, and this time i mean it.

From the first glance you had me hypnotized. Every day after, mesmerized. You brought me to life
with your eyes, had my mind going blank from your smile. Consumed my thoughts every waking hour. Made me wish for no tomorrow, just to be able to live in that moment for awhile. The moment when you gave me that smile. Had my knees going weak and my mouth dry, at the touch of your hand on mine.
I wish I could have told you sooner, and not let so much time pass by. If given the chance I’d treat you right, love you till the day I die. And that’s not a line, it’s a promise to make you SMILE.

I’m extremely inspired along with your writing abilities as neatly as with the layout for your weblog. Is this a paid subject matter or did you customize it your self? Anyway keep up the nice high quality writing, it is uncommon to see a great blog like this one these days..

Shadrack,
Where do I start and what do I say to measure my unbelievably unladylike and out of line feelings for you.
I guess the way we feel should never have a limit or a censor.
You’re beautiful. Beyond it. You captivate me with every breath you take and every movement you make when you look at me. Brown eyes have never looked so stunning until I noticed them gazing into mine the first time you had ever told me you loved me in person. I was so taken aback, you had struck me with lightening.
The way you spoke, so eloquently, with so much passion and fire, I knew it’d take a small spark for someone like you to set the world ablaze.
You were my best friend. My secret keeper. My hero. My lover. My safehouse. My Knight in shining armor. Everything.
How can I even say how you enamored me so?
I was lucky to catch a glimpse of the eclipse that is you.
So rare in your beauty, that I took my eyesight for granted and before I could catch my breath, another had drew you from me in my time of folly.
I fought for you the best I could, but the fact of the matter is you no longer wanted me to win.
You came and left so quickly, its like you almost werent actually here.
I loved you, and was more in love with you than what simple words could ever capture and explain.
Much more than butterflies and school girl crushes.
It was the kind of love that breaks you down into a whole new person. The kind that nearly kills you and breaks your heart, just to save you and fix you.
Before I was in love with you I never knew what it was like to wholeheartedly give myself to another, to love unconditionally.
But that’s what love is, right?
Laying down your heart and soul and giving up everything you have. Putting in all your faith, and all your past, and trusting a single mere human being to keep it as safe as you have for your whole life.
and that’s what I did.
I’ll always love you & I’ll always think of you when I’m alone.
But I’ve got to stop mourning.
I’ve got to stop breaking.
I’ll be okay.
Love, Your Girl.

there’s one gurl in ma college she always stears at me in the cafeteria. when i asked here why she keeps lookinn at me she said may be she was thinkin . I asked her wht she was thinkin and she said she hate college? What do u advice me she is damn freky sexy and so beautiful. i think i luv her. What do u advice me? Even i caught her back staearing at me? need ur advice?

i put my head on ur shoulder…. u giv me a hug… i experience heaven…. i close my eyes as the tears roll down my cheeks…. i feel like i’d been waiting for thz moment since centuries…
its still dark as i open my eyes….

the rain has stopped… the tears now rolling down my cheeks, accross my nose n on my pillow…. as i realise it was a jus another dream….

y do i still dream abou u…. keep thinkin abou u… y cant i stp cryin… my love was so pure n yours so divine…. then what lead to this….??? will i ever b yours again…. do u still miss me…??? i keep askin myself d whole time…. how m i gonna live like this…..

now i’ll again try to sleep as i wonder… if these dreams wld ever come true…..

I kow how how its fills to be in love its incredible its a blessing but every day i ask the stars to make our dream come true and for us to finnaly met its crazy the way we met. All i can think is Soul mate our love has no limits she lives in my dreams my hear and soul. She is light of the univers i think if her ever since our fist emails. The i knew for a fact she was real

Thanks to her i am

I love her and miss her wishing on a star every day dor us to be together to live our dreams at last i love her too much she is my universe shes my all i

I will love to share my testimony with all my viwers because i never thought i would have another chance with my boyfriend, the man i wanted to marry left me for another woman, and when i called him, he never picked my calls,he deleted me on his facebook account and then set the status to having a girlfriend with the other chick. I was devastated. I went to three spell casters before doctor and i had really lost hope. i lost a lot of money with them and got no results. so when i came to hector i was really leery of him and didn’t think he could help me. i though it is too good to be true, because all the other spell casters were supposedly good and none of them helped me. i saw the testimonials and read the other testimonials and decided to get the consultation. he said he could help me, but my chances of getting my ex were very low and he didn’t recommend it at all. But i insisted that he at least give me the chance to work with him and try and if it didn’t work, i wouldn’t be upset and i would move on with my life. He agreed. Since he is in jersey and im in nyc, i decided i would go in person to have my spells cast. he is a really sweet and gentle man, when i met him i was really surprised. he looks very young, and i had my doubts whether or not he would be able to help me. But i figured i came all that way and i said i would try so i tried it. He called a spirit to talk with me and do the work, it was a woman spirit and when it came it totally transformed hector’s face. that is when i thought to myself that it might just work. the spirit gave me some advice and did the spells. i had a separation spell and a reunion spell done. the spirit said it would take a while for my ex to leave his new girl but once he did, he would come to me very quickly. She gave me some things to take home and do. I did them, but i was really nervous. i think i messed up a few times and i told t and she said just keep going and i would be fine. so i did. it was like 6 or 7 weeks later and i saw that my ex unblocked me from facebook. I saw he had changed his status again to single. so i was super excited because i took this to mean that he had split up with the other girl. about 10 days after that my ex called me. At first, it was weird between us. he wanted to see me. so i went to meet up with him. he didn’t ask me back then. i got very anxious and told t, and she said to stay calm and everything would turn out okay. So i did the best i could although i was still worried. We met up a few more times after that, and still he didn’t ask me back out. so i got a consultation with hector and he said to expect my ex to ask me back out within two weeks from the consultation. i listened, but i wasn’t sure it would happen. then it was almost 2 weeks later, and i though, damn, hector was wrong. But the next day (there was like 2 days left from it being 2 weeks) my ex called and we got together. He asked me if i would be willing to try our relationship again, which of course i said yes. that was about 3 weeks ago, and so far we have been doing okay, we still have a lot of things to work out, but i am very happy. hector is the real deal and i am so glad that i found him and i recommend him to anyone who needs help. thank you so much doctor you saved my life!
Reply ?you can as we contact her email jujumanlovespell@gmail.com

I don’t know whether it’s just me or if perhaps everyone else encountering problems with your
website. It appears like some of the written text in
your posts are running off the screen. Can somebody else please comment and let me know if this
is happening to them as well? This might be a problem with my browser
because I’ve had this happen previously. Many thanks

think it is likely to be several uninteresting outdated publish, but it really compensated for my own time.
I will post a link for this web site in my blog site. I am sure my site guests will certainly locate in which extremely beneficial.

just want to share my experience with the world on how I got my love back and saved my marriage… I was married for 6years with 2kids and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and arguments almost every time… it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce… I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me because I love him so much and don’t want to loose him but everything just didn’t work out… he moved out of the house because it was a rented apartment and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly because I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and used roots and herbs… Within 7 days he called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy too and we are expecting our third child… I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news… Just thought I should share my experience because I strongly believe someone out there need’s it… You can email him through his email address; dr_lovetemple@yahoo.com rose

I love you. I know things have been rough lately and almost losing you really put things in perspective. When I think about how we started it is like something out of a book and takes me back to the same scene 2 and a half years ago. It’s a snowy winter, we had known each other a couple of days and had a date that night, you had just died your hair red. I remember walking behind Ambrose Hall under the trees and you coming around in your checkered coat with a smile and spark in your eye that set me on fire. Instant butterflies.

Two and a half years later after spending nearly every day together, not to mention having a baby, I am still just as in love with you as I was that night and the first time I accidentally said those three words. We have made it through some hard times, you know I will always be there for you, and you have always been there for me, no matter what. At the time we were saying that, we had no idea what “no matter what” really meant. It means sacrificing and putting someone else before yourself, now two people, when you would rather be doing something else. Something we are both working on.

Things are going to be hard for awhile, we’re young and learning how to balance having a baby, a relationship and work, along with our own personal problems, but if there is anybody that can do it, it is us. The nurses at the hospital knew we had a special bond that most do not have. You are on my mind everyday whether it be a good or bad thing 😉 I want to be a better man for you and our daughter. It took me awhile to realize that it takes a whole lot more than just bringing a good paycheck home in order to be a great man. I know I need to be patient with you as well with learning how to balance everything, and if you are patient with me I promise I will be the man I was meant to be: A caring, loving, trusting, and understanding partner and father.

The bottom line is you and Addy are my entire world. I am sorry I do not show enough appreciation and will be working on myself everyday for the two of you. I will never leave your side and you will always be the one. If you only knew and I could express the way I feel about you all the time we would be in the place that we will soon be instead of where we are now. The baby is waking up. I will never be able to say everything I want to say in this letter because it would take an eternity, so I hope you will let me get everything out I want to say. I love you.

When I first met you, at that dance, I was so nervous and shy. You had to ask me to dance, and when we were dancing, it all seemed, perfect, even though I was struggling for words to say to you. And when you told me that you had a crush on me, I was flattered and to be truthful, I did too. I thought you were the cutest girl I’ve ever seen. Back then it was just a simple crush. A I-like-you-you-like-me. But as time flew by, things changed. You left, and I was left alone. I did something different and tried replacing you with someone else. It didn’t feel right at all. She wasn’t you. And when you came back, it all started to come back together. My little “crush” started to grow into something more. You gave me a feeling I’ve actually never felt before towards someone. You were constantly running through my mind everyday, and I couldn’t help but wonder, “Does she think about me like I think about her?”. The question haunted me always and I was too afriad to ask you. But ever since you told me things were going too fast, I had a feeling. A small feeling. I was willing to go as slow as you were comfortable with, but I should’ve seen it coming. Then it just hit me. You told me those words and I just fell apart. I couldn’t help it, you were the girl that I actually felt perfect with. You were the girl that was perfect. And I let you slip through my fingers. It hurts seeing you because when I do, all I can think about is every perfect moment I had with you. Every time I held your hand. Every time we got close. Everytime we talked. And know it’s all gone. Just memories. I wish I could go back and figure out what I did to make you feel differently and change. I guess it’s not really something you can control. How you feel. I can’t control my feelings towards you. You can’t control the feelings of not feeling the same.. I.. I can’t control that.. I love you.. I love every little thing about you and I’m a complete fool to tell you now when I should’ve told you then. Now it just doesn’t matter. When we talked, I told you my greatest fear was losing you and that someday I would. You told me that wouldn’t happen and I believed you. I’m not saying you’re at fault in any way possible. I guess I’m just saying I’m willing to put my trust in you again. I’m willing to do anything for you. I’m willing to wait an eternity for you if I have to. I guess that’s what love is, and maybe this is all selfish, but every moment I spend with you, you make me feel like the gates in heaven have just opened, like I’m the luckiest guy in the world, like… I had just found the perfect girl. But I’m not trying to describe love to you because my love for you is undescribable. There are no words for what I feel and their are no words that can decribe how amazing you are and what you mean to me. But, there are also no words to describe the pain… the pain of not being able to have you.. the pain of you not being able to love me too.. And the pain of never knowing..

Hello I am Joy Micheal ,I am out here to spreed this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex lover back.I was going crazy when my love left me for another girl last month, But when i meet a friend that introduce me to DR OKAYA the great messenger to the oracle that he serve,I narrated my problem to DR OKAYA about how my ex love left me and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,In the next 2 days,My love called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and also in the next one week after my love called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in my desired company were i needed to work as the managing director..I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact DR OKAYA at the following email address and get all your problem solve..No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him direct on: OKAYASPELLHELP@gmail.com. and get your problems solve like me….. ONCE AGAIN HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS:OKAYASPELLHELP@gmail.com

I’ve been surfing online greater than 3 hours lately, but I by no means found any fascinating article like yours. It is lovely price sufficient for me. Personally, if all website owners and bloggers made good content as you probably did, the internet can be a lot more helpful than ever before.

These love letters are just lovely…i could think of much more romantic things to say but honestly sometimes my love for mia amore is just…too great to put into words. He’s my now and future. My love for him will never be measured in numbers because they dont exist….

do you rember that day sariyeyey ? we met and i looked at your eyes and flert with you .that day is my day the frist time in my life that i fell how much i was full of happiness .your shiny face and your adorbl looking .,your goegesness and your lovly ways of talking what els can i say there is exptional things .i would like to tank your freind kale for greeting me with you .you are one creation that you can make my heart bit high and low .i love you so much .sam

d
i willy hurts, and very worried because my true love, my dear husband
wants leave me for another women, and sometimes he tell me hi don’t love me anymore
and i wondering why he make it to me so many poem and songs, and why he want i be crazy to him yes i did i am crazy to him because i love him very much, he stole my heart and my brain complietlly
i try to kill myself but i survive it to i live because hospital help me to live but i still not well
and i have with me broken heart and i am crying everyday
d

we, supposed, was intended to attract the neighbouring blacks.
Father found its way to Melbourne an extremely sick man, anf
the husband immediately underwent treatment by specialists
for his throat trouble. Much maudlin sentimentally, and far empty declaration,
are already written and discussed crime, and from the punishment of criminals with death.

And (Allah, the almighty God) brought together their hearts. If you had spent all that is in the earth, you could not have brought their hearts together; but Allah brought them together. Indeed, He is Exalted in Might and Wise. [Quran]

*Engage in Recreation – generally plan to have area journeys
together with the members of the relatives. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you will save money if you skip treatment.
Let calls go to your voicemail and check it after you have done your most important task.

Hmm it looks like your site ate my first comment (it was
super long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I had written and say, I’m
thoroughly enjoying your blog. I as well am an aspiring blog writer but I’m still new to the whole thing.
Do you have any helpful hints for inexperienced blog writers?
I’d definitely appreciate it.

If you have no job you have a 0% chance of getting financed.
But you’ll notice he’s not hating the ones his taxpayer-funded bodyguards are packing.
Loan programs and interest rates are primarily based on the lender’s perceived risk in loaning you the money.

Great beat ! I would like to apprentice while you amend your web site, how can i subscribe for a blog website?
The account aided me a acceptable deal. I had been
tiny bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered bright clear concept

Thank you for every other informative blog. The place else may just I get that type of info written in such a perfect means? I’ve a project that I’m just now working on, and I have been at the glance out for such information. gccdeefdffdb

Pretty portion of content. I just stumbled upon your web site and in accession capital to assert that I acquire actually enjoyed account your blog posts. Any way I will be subscribing in your augment or even I fulfillment you access constantly quickly. cdgeeadekdbe

Excellent goods from you, man. I’ve take into accout your
stuff prior to and you’re just extremely excellent. I actually like
what you’ve bought here, really like what you are saying and the way in which during which you are saying it.
You’re making it enjoyable and you still care for to
keep it smart. I can not wait to read far more from you.
That is actually a wonderful website.

It has to offer reading suggestions for my mental health professionals realize that they have
obtained this is seen as superior to the class of antidepressant drugs doubled.
I can assure you that someone is born with brain abnormalities that make sense to your emotions more effectively and sustainably with problems other than your specialty, you call?
On exploration we may only be ignored.

Definitely believe that which you stated. Your favorite justification appeared to be on the net the easiest thing to be aware of.
I say to you, I certainly get irked while people consider worries that they plainly don’t know about.
You managed to hit the nail upon the top as well as defined out the
whole thing without having side-effects , people could take a signal.
Will likely be back to get more. Thanks

I’m extremely impressed together with your writing abilities as
well as with the structure for your weblog. Is that this a paid subject or did you modify it yourself?
Either way keep up the nice high quality writing, it is uncommon to look a great blog
like this one nowadays..

I’m truly enjoying the design and layout of your site.
It’s a very easyy on the eyes which makes it much more
pleasant for me to come here and visit more often. Did you hire out a designer to create
your theme? Superb work!

Wouldn’t it be nice to have the peace of mind of a hard working sump
pump complete with battery backup. Look for the most qualified
and friendly plumber in your area to do your plumbing work.
When considering your home’s plumbing in the current economic times, you might be
thinking of that old adage “why fix something if it ain’t broke.

Whats up are using WordPress for your site platform? I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying
to get started and create my own. Do you require any coding
knowledge to make your own blog? Any help would be greatly
appreciated!

I see a lot of interesting posts on your blog. You have to spend a lot of time writing, i know how to save
you a lot of work, there is a tool that creates readable, google friendly posts in couple of minutes, just type in google – k2 unlimited content

Hey there! I know this is kinda off topic but I’d figured I’d ask.
Would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest writing a blog post or vice-versa?
My blog discusses a lot of the same subjects as yours and I feel we could greatly benefit from each other.

If you are interested feel free to send me an email. I look
forward to hearing from you! Superb blog by the way!

Hey There. I found your blog uswing msn. This is an extremely well written article.
I’ll make sure to boookmark it and come back
tto read more of your useful info. Thanks for the post.
I’ll certainly return.

The main reason the Sun appears yellow from Earth is due to atmospheric scattering.

A warrant is a coiurt document that says that law enforcement can place you under arrest.
Inspired by our discovery of the History
Center we continued our learning experiences at the Well’s Built Museum of African American History and Culture, followed upp bby a relaxing walk around Lake Eola,
to take inn a beautiful sunset.

My Name is Harmand Amadeus from California. I am here to give testimony on how got my wife back. My wife left me for no reason 3 years ago. She moved out with another man, i felt like killing myself, my life became very bitter and sorrowful. Then 1 day, a friend of mine told me about a great spell caster that is very good and does not even charge for his services, he said he gave him some lucky numbers that he played in a lottery and he won. I didn’t believe it because I’ve worked with so many of them and it didn’t work. He begged me further so i decided to try this great spell caster called DR. OTIAGBE and i contacted him via his email: {Otiagbe@yahoo.com}. I still didn’t believe. I used the spell he gave me and the next day i received a call from my darling wife called Rugina last month. She apologized and came back to me. I’m very happy now. Thank you DR. OTIAGBE, You can reach him via email: {Otiagbe@yahoo.com}

When I originally left a comment I seem to have clicked
the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and from now on every
time a comment is added I get four emails with the same comment.
Is there an easy method you can remove me from that service?

I blog frequently and I seriously thank you for your information.
The article has truly peaked my interest. I am going
to book mark your blog and keep checking for new details about once a
week. I opted in for your Feed too.

I am just truly influenced with your writing abilities and in addition while using the structure on your own blog site.. Sitemap – Brautkleid kaufen – aber wie? Is it a given topic and also does one colorize it for you oneself? Anyhow be inside the fine quality publishing, it really is unusual to view an excellent weblog such as this one these days.

After exploring a few of the blog articles on your web page, I honestly like your technique of writing a blog.
I book marked it to my bookmark site list and will be checking back in the near future.
Please visit my website as well and tell me how you feel.

In order for a suspect to be considered guilty, the prosecution must convince either a judge orr a jury that
he or she is guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. Berman iss an impressive tome of 678
pagess of information on criminal law. A llot of judges do not want people to represent themselves given it means it will lessen the
pace of the legal course of action.

I read a lot of interesting articles here. Probably you spend a lot of
time writing, i know how to save you a lot of time, there is
an online tool that creates unique, SEO friendly posts in seconds,
just search in google – k2seotips unlimited content

Excellent website you have here but I was curious iff
you knew of any message boards that cover the sae topics discussed in this article?
I’d really like to be a ppart of community where
I can get responses from othher knowledgeable individuals
that share the same interest. If you have any suggestions, please let me know.
Thanks!

Magnificent goods from you, man. I’ve take note your stuff previous
to and you are simply too excellent. I really like what you’ve got here, certainly like
what you are stating and the way in which during which you assert
it. You are making it entertaining and you still care for to keep it smart.
I cant wait to learn far more from you. That is actually a great site.

We met in 2010 I was in love with my first serious girlfriend but she had ran away from home to be with me and was hiding from the law when you started texting me those long sweet messages promising love forever and always .., I got with you and you were in love but I was just keeping occupied to not be lonely my first love got caught by the law and was taken to Juvie you held me as I cried for her you rode with me as I searched everywhere trying to find her new foster home you listened as I told you how much I was in love with her .., I left you for her and she left me for a guy two years later we bumped into one another and began talking again this time I was the one who was falling for you and you were the one taking me for a ride …. It’s been 3 years since the day we got back together you left me yesterday while I was at work for no reason you texted me all day telling me you loved me and wanted me forever when I got off work your phone was turned off when I got home your clothes were all gone and you left a note saying yu loved me but that it would never work ….. Did you ever even love me in the first place or was it all just a waste of time ? Did you stay with me for 3 years bc you knew I wouldn’t leave you or was it bc you were just waiting for the right time to leave after I pay for your schooling and buy yu a new car ? Why did you hurt me ? Why did you lead me on ? When did you finally realize you wanted it over ?

I loved you before I met you. I have been writing poems of love to you for all my adult life.
I searched for you believing I would never find you. I thought I had given up only to find that on the day we met for the first time…my heart went wild. At first I could not believe it was you.
I hesitated to tell you of my deep love, for no human has ever loved as i love you. I felt I could not tell you for fear of losing you. Until that day…I heard those words from your lips.
“I love you”
Now my life has begun and I have a reason to live. You are all to me….today, tomorrow and yesterday. Don’t ever change. I love you beyond words
Always yours

In my 25 years of existence, I never imagined myself falling in love with you.. maybe this letter can’t explain how much I love you, teds, loving you is the most beautiful thing that happened to me, I love the way you make me smile in your very silly moments, the way you care and love me, the way you love your family, your creative ideas, your cooking and photography skills, ugh. You’re just so perfect!
I love the way you make me smile, I love the way you make silly things to me, How I wish I could turn back time.. when the time that you’re in love with me.. how I wish that you could love me the way that I love you now.. how i wish that you could just let me love you the way you deserve to be love.. how I wish that all my wishes will be come true someday.. but, I know that’s impossible.. you asked me once who is my “best I ever had”.. it was you and it is still you…I want you in my life not as my best friends, but as my partner in life.. should I wait for you? or should I just let you go.. should I give it a fight? Or just accept the fact that we’re not really meant for each other? I have a lot of things that I wanted to tell you but I know that when I do it again, our friendship will be ruin and I don’t want to risk it again.. as I write this letter right now, repeatedly listening a Christina Peri song with a title of “Arms” … I hope that you will see right through my walls, I hope that you’ll catch me cause I’m already falling.. I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth.. I love you a lot and it hurts me big time, knowing that we can never be anything more than a best friend..

__I am another individual that Obudun Magonata awesome has reached. A lot of us have desired love, wealth, luck and all but it always a step too far to reach or the chance never come our way and then it all became a dream nothing more that just a dream. Obudun Magonata the greatest enchanter i have ever known because he is the only one i know helped transform my dream into reality he helped me with an enchantment that made the one that i love find his love for me after wait forever in love with him. We’ve been best friend even before we could speak , we played together got in trouble together made silly promises at least we kept it but one i could not keep one. I could not stay friends with him forever, i didn’t want to just be his friend i wanted more i wanted him to love just as loved him but he saw me as just a friend or he didn’t want to admit he was also in love with me because it was obvious we sync perfectly made the same gestures, always in each other arm we were like lover that don’t make love . I was always a step behind when it came to letting him know how and what i felt about him. I wanted him to be the one to tell to say to me that he loved me and has always did. I wish i didn’t wait for him i wish i told him maybe it wouldn’t have took so long to be with him in first place. Through out our high school and collage years he was the guy every girl wanted to date he was the guy every wanted to give up their v card for and all the while i was the best friend of the guy i was in love with the one he tell all the nasty things he’s been doing with them. As hard as it was for me i couldn’t complain because we weren’t dating even when i wanted it so bad. I always found myself wishing i was the girls on the other side. We shared everything about our life and even told each other thing we never told those we dated. I couldn’t keep a stable relationship with any guy they all thought we hang out too much each other and i care for him more. They all left because they knew i was in love with him even when i tried to hide it always surfaced. My love life was a total mess and at first, it was really not a big deal because i thought with each man that come into my life a part of what i felt for him will fade away but it wasn’t the case. I found myself not being about to love them enough or always comparing them with him that always led to the death of the relationship. I knew i had to let him know i was in love with him and i knew it was going ruin a our friendship and also his relationship. I hated myself because she was a nice girl but i wanted to know if i had a chance, if we loves me just as much as i loved him but he never told me he was too mad with me for what i did not until Obudun Magonata helped me unveil it. I kinda picked the worst time to let him know about my feeling because he was engaged and i made his fiancée call it off. And for two years we didn’t speak he told me he never wanted to see me again and that i was dead to him. I was once again alone with my feeling all my effort to restore what i broke was in vain. I was happy the wedding was called off but was not so much because i didn’t get him instead he hated me for what i did. I was really really confused i wanted to stop loving i needed to get him off my mind and over. I was on that quest when i found Obudun Magonata on the Internet read about his work with some people and how they all got their heart desire. I contacted him with this email spiritsofobudunmagonata AT yahoo DOT com in the standard email form off course that they left on the Internet he told me the spirit had already told him that i was going to contact him. I only told him about how i was in love with him and what happened when i told him about my feelings but he knew we’ve best friends since we were kids that i did not tell him he reveal something only Ryan and i Knew yeah that is his name. Obudun Magonata told me that Ryan was always in love me like i loved him but he was unaware of his feeling. __I asked him to help with with an enchantment that will make him love me and spend the rest of his life with me. All he used for the process was the materials he asked me to provide and after four days he sent a package via courier service which i paid for with content based on the enchantment he had done for me. I did not pay him anything for what he did for he did not ask me for anything. I followed the instruction i was given and just like told me Ryan was my to love again and i was his to love just like i wanted. Everything happened like the movie only that it was not like it. I mean he was in another state but he came down to let me know he now knew he was in love with and he wanted to love and just love me. It was the best moment of my life i never felt happier than how i felt that day. Just for the record we have being together for a year and six months now and still strong i can even sense a proposer it was one of the thing Obudun Magonata told me will happen__.

I wish there were words to describe these thoughts and feelings but there isn’t. There has been one line that has been going over in my head however, and it’s this- “At the right time, in the right light, everything is extraordinary.” I first read that a couple of years back on a calendar. I liked the pictures in it so much that I even cut them out and kept it with me. Still have them in a file. They, ofcourse, were photos of nature- free spaces, sunny land and rainforests. When I think about what happened or what is still happening, it always reminds me of this quote. I feel better by saying it’s not our time. And it might actually be true, this stuff happens. I even came across another person who experienced the same pain. They described it as circumstances not being right for them to be together. And I think that’s just another way to say that it’s not the right time… I think we need to settle down before we can make any decisions on anything. Anyways, maybe I can write sometime later again. 🙂

W,
I’m sorry, but i cannot be friends with you for now.. we both knew that we had a feelings for each other but that didnt become our gate to the next level. I tried to wait and understands you because you said that you’re still unsure, you said that i’m almost perfect. i can’t blame you if you feel that way. if i were in your shoes, i’ll do the same way. but letting me feel that nothing changed is an off. really. and as you enjoyed what we have now and i felt the opposite. I started to noticed our daily routines text messages and i got bored without sweetest words and sometimes i felt that you didn’t care for me at all. didnt even bother if i got home late, If how did i got home.. I got tired with us. I waited. i felt that im just a reserve girl and maybe you’re still looking or waiting for better one. I tried to stretch my waiting time but i can’t. pretending to be alright was never my strongest personality. It was like waiting for someone who was never coming. I didn’t want to do this but i also didnt want the idea that it was like im the one who’s courting you when in fact you weren’t courting me at all. I also hated the fact that it i was the only one who wanted to make things better. Im really confuse. I will miss our good mornings, our goodnights, our random topics, how you irritates me, how we both love coffee and our food plus movie trips together. Thank you for giving me a freedom to date other guys when you’re still undecided but it doesn’t work that way.

I hope that the next time you’ll like someone. you won’t lose the chance anymore. Please don’t make her feel these things that I felt. Okay? And I know we both can’t wait anymore, but at least we made the most out of our almost. Take care and thank you. 🙂

I love you very much .
When I talk to you my tongue not be speaker
but my heart , When I look to your eyes and hear your voice The sound of my heart strongly rises to the point you feel it, but I don’t hear that , only can hear your sweet voice .. Until this moment
hitherto .
I want you to be happy
I love you A.H

You know something different about me everyday, whether it was good or bad, and you don’t doubt that I’m a good person… you deny any thought that comes to mind about it. I look at the clock everyday, anytime I get, to countdown the minutes until I see you again, because missing you sucks. Because one day I know I won’t have tp count down, I won’t need tp watch the time go by, because you’ll be with me, right there. Morning day and night by your side. I told you that you haven’t left my mind since that day in summer school, nights were included. Because every dream, every though, has you in it. You are my everything, and you allow me to be your dork, baby, lover, your small human. Time spent with you is time never wasted, I fall harder as time passes by, and if I’m ever a pain in the ass, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I push your limits sometimes when I know it’s to much, I’m sorry for scaring you anytime i get upset. That one dimple look I give you so often is me noticing you, all over again, falling in love with you at the sight, the sound of your voice, the gentle caring touch you give. You don’t have to be sorry for overreacting, you don’t have to feel bad for ignoring you, you don’t have to be afraid to say something because I know you don’t mean it, whether it be from my past or yours, nothing will make me love you any less. When you came into my life, I began realizing how important you are to me, and now you are the epitome of anything I once thought of this world, because you have given me a wake up cal, a second chance to be the person I was afraid to be anymore. I can’t wait for the future to begin with you.. because I don’t believe there is anything more powerful than the love we share. I want the world with you, to experience everything I can with you, and to show you new things in life as I am sure you’ll do me. I could never thank you enough for being here right now, because just seeing you everyday or even just talking is a blessing beyond what words can describe. I love you more than this world realizes and for every breathe I will love you more. I had belief that you were my last and have held on to that belief because I don’t want to let you go. I’m staying, and for the life of me, I will never leave your side. When you tell those stories to our kids one day, I hope they smile as big as I do and realize how strong a love can be, because love is the most powerful thing out there. You don’t have to fell greedy for asking my heart, you already had it, and I want you to keep it.

[…] Love Letters – YOU ARE REMARKABLE – This is a collection of over love letters we wish we could write & receive. If you could ever find the courage to send a love letter, please send us a copy to post. […]

[…] Love Letters – YOU ARE REMARKABLE – This is a collection of over love letters we wish we could write & receive. If you could ever find the courage to send a love letter, please send us a copy to post. […]

I know many years will pass and I’ll think of you every single day. I hope this isn’t goodbye for My love for you will never have a goodbye it will never have an end. I just want to say thank you for the time you were in my life i want to thank god for giving me such an opportunity to meet you I feel honored. I truly think I was made for you and I think you were made for me. My heart cries out to me telling me not to let go what if I don’t get the chance to see you again,to hear your voice again, maybe it’s weird but I keep a voicemail you once left me.I can only hope I get the chance to see you in another life if that’s the case. I don’t think there are words that can describe the immense love i have for you. I’ve let go of you not because I don’t love you but because like I told you I understand the situation and don’t want to be selfish,when you are ready I hope you will come to me. As I write this it hurts to think this is it. It hurts to think someone one day will have you I hope they will love you as I do because if that’s the case I know they will do all in their power to make sure you are happy everyday and not a day will go by that they won’t show you how special you are. I want to hold your hand again run my hands through your hair after you’ve had it cut I love that feeling. The way you look so good in a suit wow I remember the first day I saw you love at first sight! I thought to myself this guy looks like a movie star so good looking and immediately curiosity about you grew. I wanted you to notice me I was amazed by you. I loved the way you would follow me around and I followed you as well . No doubt we were attracted to each other everyone else could see it someone once mentioned to you if you had seen the way I looked at you I’m sure they could see the love. The first night we went out we drank and then we made out the whole night it was amazing the whole world stopped and In that instance it was just you and me most magical night of my life.When you have no one to talk to when you feel alone remember that you are my favorite person. Why did I fall in love with you I fell in love with your heart with how kind you are how selfless you are how dedicated you are most of all your kind heart that’s why I fell crazy in love and now I can’t get you out of my head. The passion affection and silent love between us was so beautiful.You truly inspire me to be a better person. My love I dream of the day that you message me out of nowhere years down the road and tell me you are ready to be with me.till then I will become the best woman I can be please don’t forget me the thought of seeing you again fills my heart with joy. I need to stop hurting my heart this way. If ever you miss me look up into the night sky the brightest star will always be there as proof that I am still in love with you that I am still hoping on your happiness that wherever you are I hope you are well in health and in every aspect of your life I don’t know how to end this. I’m hurt but this moment I want to remember forever. To remember I once loved to the fullest extent and I fought myself and I tried so hard for it. Sometimes love isn’t fair it breaks us leaves us in the depths of despair which is the depths I’m in right now but remember this Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.

You’re not ready. You don’t have time to think about these things (your too busy thinking/doing other things) or you probably don’t know when you will want to be with someone (actually be with them). Or maybe I have got this all wrong… Maybe you do have a future planned for yourself, but I don’t understand it. That’s okay. I’m sure you have planned SOMETHING, that is to say, you know what sort of life you want to lead, what sort of people you want around you, how you want to feel in relationships etc. I never got to find out because it just never got there between us. You have a “who cares” attitude, I found you very lazy in taking initiative. Sorry but that’s true. I still find you lazy. I don’t know what you’re waiting for; maybe you are shy,unsure, or you think I will stick around until you are ready. Maybe you think when you run out of options and you can just go back to where we left off. If you think you can choose someone simply because there’s no other choices left, I think you’ve made a big mistake. I didn’t think you were the type of guy to just settle for whatever, and hopefully you wont. You need time, that’s what I’ve always felt. I let it go because I knew I had to. I don’t think you’re evil, crazy or anything, I think you lack a strong vision/drive in some areas of your life. The willingness to improve, and become a better person for yourself and for others. It wasn’t until I left you, that you started to get back in line with who you really want to become/who you really are. You’re a gentle, passionate and loving person. But perhaps you need time to evolve more. It will be challenging, like it is for me, but rewarding in so many ways. there I things I learned as well whilst being physically away from you. I just focussed on myself, and I find that helps. As soon as I stopped chatting to you, my gut kept telling me to be as far away as possible from you. It was good for me as well as for you. I like to write here, because you can be free here, there’s no danger is there? You will never know for sure who said what, so, I can say what I feel. I wish I could communicate this to you: that I feel you’re not ready, and you already knew that about ourselves but could never say it in any way, because hey, you like to keep people hanging at your convenience. well I know all that, so can’t fool me. I’m not here waiting for anybody. I already have a plan/vision and I’m working on that. Maybe we will share that vision, maybe we won’t. But as far as I’m concerned , it is for my best, to keep as far away from you as possible. From your negative and dark side, that part of you that still needs work. I don’t resent you, I’m just too busy creating something I see. I’m changing myself to pave my way for what I want. If you ever happen to become that person that shares my vision, wants what I want to create, what’s the degree of trust/honesty that I want, wants to be free but also challenge themselves,then if I’m still around and you’re still around, it may work out. I never write a love letters because I only know how to say the truth. I suck at lies. I suck at making up fake, I suck at playing safe. Anonymous chat box, love letters are safe. I don’t like how people can misinterpret what I write. Most people (99.99%) don’t know how to read. They read with their eyes (unknowingly) not with feeling. I have don’t that before as well. But when I read with feeling, I think, did I just imagine all that feeling, I wonder if the writer actually feels like that. People have much more “things” to “do” than listen to someone intently. I think such wonderful things happen when you listen; Listen to yourself.

I often feel like we are each other’s strength in a way. I don’t know about you, so I can’t be sure how it feels on your side, but I find motivation to do things when I think I’m not alone in this. I didn’t have that before. It was just me a few years back. I remember being quite directionless and it wasn’t a bad thing, it was both good and bad in a way. I was carefree back then, now I think about things and how it will affect me or other people around me. I think more before I take action or say something (at least that’s what I think). And I have to say, it wasn’t a choice. I didn’t choose to meet someone like you. I never did. It just happened. Life was kept “lifeing” and things happened unexpectedly. What I’m saying is, it’s not in my control; I can’t control how I feel. There are things in our control, such as the effort we put in, the time we give to things, and all the conscious effort we put in throughout the day into activities and people. But there is a huge dark matter that we don’t know about and we do not control it.

We don’t control the people we meet on the streets, the accidents we get into, the mishaps, the mess, the mistakes – these are things out of control and often avoided. And yet, these are essential for anything to take place in the world. New things are not made when we follow the same path over and over again. We explore and in the “mistakes” or accidents we come across something unexpectedly “perfect”. Not perfect according to our old prejudiced standards and narrow mind. But something truly perfect for our heart. We find something we never thought we needed. And I have just learned to accept it. It’s not bad and it won’t do any harm to accept my feelings. Have you heard, pushing pain away will only make it worse? I have felt this way – in order to avoid the “pain” from the feelings we try to push the feelings away, but in the end, it just makes the pain worse. It’s better to accept the feelings and go through the pain. Life is about the pain, sad, happy and all emotions in between. The temporary illusion of pain is in your way for a reason. It is dressed as hell but don’t go on its looks, there are opportunities you don’t see it that are waiting for you. Your perception and attitude towards things happening to you makes it “pain” and “problems”, they aren’t actually that. They are just opportunities.

When you find yourself shrinking from something, when you find that you can’t talk about something, when you find that you want to go away from some “problem”, that is exactly where your work is. In our hearts, where fear doesn’t exist, we know exactly what are path is. There is a part of us that knows what we are capable of. We are in many ways connected to the entire universe, everything and everyone and we know a lot more than we think. Yet, we act smaller than ourselves. The pain and fear and thoughts and guilt has built up from the past since we are born and clouded this ability. We often don’t trust our own intuition. But that intuition is the only thing that can lead you to where you want to and ought to be. That restless feeling, agitation and continuous feeling of emptiness and lack of purpose is perhaps the symptom of not following our path. And so when that feeling of emptiness and dullness comes along…I feel so grateful. I’m happy that I can steer myself off the wrong path and I can head in the right direction. No one can tells us what is right and what is wrong – they don’t know it themselves. No one has it figured out. It’s just you and for me, it just me. We are all up to ourselves to go on your own path. Some paths cross every now and then, and that’s all part of our journey.

Coming back to my main message, I don’t think I can control any of my feelings/thoughts. It just …creeps up out of nowhere. But thinking about it doesn’t bother me, in fact it often helps me and even gives me the purpose I need to carry on in the smallest and biggest things everyday. And this brings me back to what you once said, that you never feel alone in this, that I’m often there in your thoughts throughout the day. From my side, its not a weekly or monthly thing, its been like this since a long time. It’s funny how all this crept up in a few years and I didn’t even realise it.

I was seriously surprised when I read your message – you remember your special someone in your prayers. And I thought, that’s a strange coincidence, I do too. I know its hard to believe, I found it hard to believe when I read that. But I don’t just think about you, I pray FOR you. Don’t think its selfless, no no. It’s very selfish. In fact, I am recently noticing that your happiness is becoming more and more important to me. I don’t feel happy if you are not. And that is very strange. It is the most strangest feeling because we are always told how selfish people are and how we always are bent on killing one and another and using the other person to our advantage. Here, its like a different planet. All the laws are bent and nothing makes sense from the old laws. Feeling such emotion is crazy, and to be writing it, even more insane. But like I said its okay to accept how we feel.

I hope you don’t mind if I implicitly referenced some of your thoughts/words. I posted here for a reason, because I know we like our (yes, we both like) distance and room and I don’t want this post to be “too obvious”. This post is written by someone from somewhere and it will be that way for as long as it needs to be. The distance leaves out the expectations and really allows each one of us to speak/act freely and it keeps all the other distractions away – like the anger, or the frustration or the family/work issues out.

I also thought about you moving away, and I wondered if it would really make a difference. Sometimes I think how this might continue, if it will continue, and then I just revert back to the present and keep doing the things I need to. I have faith, that when something needs to happen, it will, because nothing can stop that. Until then, I will just keep minding my own business. Because like I said, even if I want to, I can’t control how I feel. Does that mean i can just forget it all it a snap? No guarantees, but I haven’t forgotten yet. And how long has it been? I know this is not something trivial, because it has changed me and my life in many ways. I am a different person because of this meeting. And the most strangest (and wonderful) thing is that it continues to change me every time, even today and everyday of the week every month of the year. I once heard someone say, that when nothing is certain, anything is possible.

Even if all this doesn’t work out, one thing will work out and that is that you will and I will still gain something out of this. Whatever this may be/become. I don’t like to regret anything, I know things happen for a reason.

One thing I forgot to mention above was that I am noticing that I feel good when you express yourself. It’s like you were meant to express yourself and I was supposed to be here for you, to assist you with that. ?? I don’t know how much of this or of the previous letter will make sense but judging from your previous letters, I think you may understand what I’m trying convey to you. I’m also learning about myself in this process.

The reason people shutdown infront of someone and become ice cold is because that person caused them to become like that. When ever some is open and vulnerable with you always be grateful for it and treat them the same way – and both of you might benefit from that.

Hurting them feels like im just hurting myself. I can’t demand anything or get aggressive in the slightest way – its all just comes right back at me. I think the distance is good for everyone. I am growing individually and im sure they are too.

I wrote a letter for you on here long ago and here I am still feeling the same way. Still have not dated anyone,still only think about you. I’m hoping you are ok. I’ll always love you will all my heart. No one can replace you…… if only you knew how I still feel I wonder would it make a difference. I’d like to just one more time see your face.

Dear ….
Sometimes I miss you alot and feel like im being needy.I always come back to being with you when i feel my energy draining. I just allow being with you for hours sometimes …and then slowly get up and carry on. I feel a little refreshed after that, but its strange to miss you so much sometimes – i just close my eyes and get lost imagining and feeling being with you…

Thank you being a lighthouse in the dark; a compass in a chaotic world,
For being calm in the rough seas,
And for always making me feel better and confident,
For letting me believe that good things are possible,
For showing me happiness,
For allowing me to dream.
I can’t believe it happened and it was something I won’t forget.

All I can think about is you, this love has taught me things about myself that I didn’t know. I wish to love you, to get lost in your soul as I find myself within knowing this gut feeling that our souls are meant to be is real and true and I will finally feel like I’m home.

Dear m, we are best friends, always. Even when we fight on the outside….you know you are my best friend ^^ and more…but we are always ALWAYS there for each other like best friends are, and BFs never get angry at each other 🙂

Ok so maybe I did get angry …. but there’s a purpose to everything. You know and I know that I’m not angry … I can’t yake your lazy ass. Let’s be honest. I’ll be happy if you’re happy walking away… really. But we both know you’re not going away , in fact we have developed stronger feels since we “parted”. Sometimes I feel we may not have parted at all. I know you need a lot of reassurance, love and touch because that’s your nature. It’s growing on me as well, to be that loving and I didn’t do it on purpose, it just grew on me. So… it’s just fate destiny whatever you call it- that’s just how it is. Our meeting , our feelings it’s not in either your or my hands. Somethings just are you know? And all I know is, I’m sticking around with you because I just am. That’s where I want to be. Why you ask? I don’t know. I just know that my place is close to you. It’s where I “feel right”. Yes, it feels right . Lol I hope something of this makes sense .

I have always thought of you as my compass because otherwise I’m lost and, as my powerhouse because you help me overcome difficulties. That’s what’s it’s like to keep you in my thoughts… so why would I let go. You needed some closure on our separation, I’’m sorry to have left you making you feel deserted , I should have explained how painful it was… it was as if I wasn’t free and under some enormous weight, it wasn’t your fault. But I never told you, so it’s partially my responsibility and also yours because I felt you didn’t care if I stayed… maybe I was wrong. I still remember that you were happy being apart as well- even though momentarily you might have felt free- it seemed claustrophobic and I was getting the feeling that you were feeling that too- it’s was as if we couldn’t express and that stifled feeling stayed for a bit too long, until I physically started to distance away. I also sensed that you were not particularly happy with yourself either , perhaps thoughts distracted you from work and you weren’t able to control yourself at the time and I felt part responsible for that, which also made things worse. I know you never explicitly talked about these things but I felt those things at the time and I felt it was necessary to leave/pause/distance. After that, we got a lot of time I think… and things got back to a more normal routine pace, more relaxed, less jittery, calm… I would be happy if you said the same things ,I wouldn’t mind at all, because I feel my life is beginning to smooth out a bit and feels less like a roller coaster than before. It was painful to be like that, also worrying, always feeling insecure, never knowing where we were going with the other person… the lack of communication or the difficulty in communicating always made it impossible to stop those thoughts. I don’t blame you… it was just a time that came and went- I don’t want to play the blaming game anymore or point fingers at anybody. Lately my focus has been on other things but still attached with you. Like I said, I never quite understood THEN what I know now… it was a different time not so long ago, and I’m sure I’ll keep finding more things out and learning throughout my life. The thing is I don’t care really what you think about me or what your likes/dislikes are or who you’re with is none of my business…all I know is my side and my side will not affected by what someone else does or says. I am learning to value my feelings, my nature and thoughts- if I want to continue thinking and feeling the way I do for someone I will. It’s my choice that I get to make… it seems impossible to change and unnatural to turn around for me… I just can’t. Even if I want to stop I can’t stop caring. One one hand I am in self preservation mode by keeping my distance from you scared to get hurt again in some way but then I can never get away from you emotionally ,that’s the other side. I just know that whatever this thing is right now just wants to either comfort you or make you feel relaxed. Ironically, in reality I am unable to do that in anyway. I wish there was a way to communicate from your heart…that if you are honest and genuine there’s way to communicate no matter where you are. People often talk about the mind, why does no one talk about the enormous data stored in each cell of our body and the power of feeling and knowing… why is reason glorified and intuition underrated. In the time spent apart physically from you I had time to really focus on my feelings and desires… I think I’m very grateful for that knowledge about myself. You know they often say that our missions and goals in life often come on the form of our desires. Ok i gotta go now, Ill be back again, talk to you later, love. (I rambled on too much about the past in this post, maybe next time I’ll talk about the future!) To: M (Mo/Momo/Mushiiee/Mooochii/My SweetPea)

to: M
i don’t know about you
but
it’s impossible for me to not be your friend.
i can take your thoughts out of mind
and keep myself busy,
but i can’t go against you.
i can only be friends if i can’t be anything else.
i can’t just rip it out…because that how it feels…it like ripping a part out of yourself.
i’m sorry if this annoys you,
but … i’m not contacting you at all, i wont
bother you; I don’t want to unknowingly hurt you
all over again.
all i’m saying is my part… how it feels on my side.
i think friendship is far superior than anything else,
its about giving each other space,
but still supporting one and another.
i don’t have to see you all the time
but i care about you.
when I am away from you,
physically distant,
it doesn’t change a thing….
about the way i feel for you; it just feels
like a sweet continuum;
picking up where we left off.
there’s no expectations from you,
no conflict,
no hassle,
just a sweet freedom,
allowing you to freely transition in and out
as you like.
i like this process;
slow and steady,
a slow build up and unfolding; no rush.
a friendship built on strong foundation and on the will
of two individuals.
the truth of the matter is
that just feel comfortable around you.
i allow myself to trust you
be myself with you
– i guess your a really good friend; someone really dependable
because its not easy for me to just open up and
depend on anybody. But
the transition seems easy with you,
it just happens.
i would give all that
to you;
you have an amazing ability to make friends;
a soft and quiet charm and peace
that no one forgets once they really meet you.
im so grateful to call you a friend,
although i don’t know about you for sure –
i think… we can have one sided friendships.
if i can laugh with you,
talk to you
and just enjoy,
i think, friendships are far superior
– they can last a lifetime.
i think you and i fit like a glove
and a hand;
perfect snug fit.
let’s not talk about things we don’t know
and are not in our control –
let’s not worry about the future;
lets not skip steps in between,
let’s enjoy every moment
and not rush ahead.
i don’t want to stifle
and suffocate what we had
– not again.
remember, i’m not asking for anything
– not this time,
because i don’t want anything
you are don’t want to share
but
if you’re willing and happy,
let’s explore our possibility.

I won’t let go of you… even when you’re angry I’m going to stay by your side. I’m not going to stop loving you or get scared. I don’t want you to feel unsafe. I will be there for you even if you say you don’t need me. Even if you say you hate me, I will still be there.

I was about to being writing when I took a break – tore myself away from the “things I had to do” and just mulled over past letters (2 years old) that someone had anonymous written on a website. I read the screenshots of the letters and scrolled through some and my mood started to change. Do you think sometimes how our mood like the surface of a water body changes continuously? Our thoughts and emotions creates these ripples in our mind. I had started this letter with the intention of writing something out of the struggle I was feeling but it all just vanished when I started reading such vulnerable and unabashed letters from someone who I once knew and… still do.

I really liked… hell, I more than liked the letter he submitted on Valentine’s day but I couldn’t respond back. Something stops me from writing anonymous letters back to him…perhaps I am sick of hiding and I fear less. I am not afraid to show and yell and be loud about how I feel, nothing NOTHING deserves to remain hidden. It’s all part of life and its beautiful unfolding and it does NOT deserve to be diminished and quelled. Things will break, shatter; many good times will also come and then go by and we have to live and face all of it. They feel like birth pangs of life; it seems devastating at first and everyone is worried that things are going BAD if its not all happy and lovey dovey – but that might not be the case and that’s exactly how I feel.

I am coming back to the topic I had originally planned on writing about and that’s about vulnerability and showing who you really are. Not what you think you are – but who you actually are. I wanted to delete the entire folder of screenshot letters from 2016 I had compiled…but once I started reading them I couldn’t do it. Some are funny, some are expressing your feelings of sadness or confusion or love…I want to remember that time but I am also grateful for NOW. I really appreciate that you think of me like a home…that’s such a humbling feeling – that someone feel this way about me, given the short period of time we were in touch. And this leads to believe or rather… feel that there’s something more here in this connection. I can’t think of a better or more apt word than “connection” for us. And I know you could be thinking…how did it happen so quick and out of seemingly nowhere…perhaps there are things we can’t yet explain but there’s other intelligence in our body which can grasp these concepts and guide us. I really don’t want to fool myself or anyone else and make up concepts I don’t know are actually true…so I am going to leave that there… I know there is “something” and that something is like cracking someone open.

I have drifted and wandered around dodged from writing what I wanted to write. It feels sometimes like the feelings just get stuck in your throat – finding the write words to exactly tell you what I want to communicate. I don’t want to talk about it – I want it to flow to you through words. I want it to create the same rhythm in you as it does in mine. I will write about it – it’s just a bit daunting and scary because honestly sometimes I am scared of myself and what I feel. It’s scary – how crazy does that sound? When you become so unfeeling everyday and do do do all day and then when you get hit in the face with all this – it’s scary. But I just feel a pull I can’t deny and I just have to follow where it takes me. I feel like I’m being used as a vehicle for these feelings/emotions … like I WANT to pour out all these things from inside me… and yet something says “stick to your chosen path”. I really WANT to do the things I think of everyday and create something and feel a sense of progress (that’s one aspect or part of me) and I also want to be still and grasp all these other things that are developing and being thrown at me (which I also love)…I feel they can live side by side; I can feel strongly about someone and still do the things in the world outside. It’s like a force pulling you out to create and another force that grows inwards to know the depths of us.

I wrote this letter almost as I was talking to myself or as a stream of consciousness – so there maybe things that make no sense to others or have no head nor tail. But that’s okay with me…I just needed to write or say this somewhere where I can come back to write more. Maybe I’ll the write the more daunting/scary and equally liberating stuff later and it will be very different to this…

My heart is aching Today for you, it’s been a year. I love you as much as I did then. I’ve thought about messaging you countless times, can’t bring myself to do so. Every time I start typing I get a rush from thinking about you responding to me and how happy that would make my heart but…. then I come back to reality and know I shouldn’t so I delete every single emotion and feeling I’ve written down.

Sometimes it feels like,
you think I will abandon you ….
and I think that’s very far from the truth.
Even if you were with someone else
I would be happy
Knowing you got what u wanted;
Happy knowing that you found something more worthwhile than what we had or could have had.

But if u feel how I do,
And find it hard to have that chemistry with another,
It would be difficult to part ways in reality.

It was unfair how something brought us together but then we flung us apart…it’s not a fault, we didn’t make a “mistake” I don’t think there are any “mistakes” in the world…
I think it’s unfair , but that’s just me being impatient …
But Now I search for that spark …
Why doesn’t someone else compare to that spark / flame?
Well that’s just how it is …. I haven’t found anything yet that compares to it.

Some memories become burned in our minds. Our memory was something like that. Burned bright and short but it was enough. But our memory is no burden, no I don’t regret anything. I just want to make that clear.

The only reason I wanted you to settle down was so that I can be sure that you don’t want us. I would be satisfied with the final answer once and for all- my mind could have moved on then. I would have (hopefully) accepted that you really want to be with someone else and then I could have stopped having thoughts about us, imagining us.

But you haven’t moved on. Nor have I. I wonder if you are as stunned as I am by the circumstances in which we met? That memory burned its way to the point where even if I wanted to give up on us, I can’t. That’s why I can’t abandon you…

If u made a home elsewhere I don’t know how I would feel about us…. would that fade? Stay as the same feelings – affection and intense chemistry? I’m not sure, I will be honest.

The thought of abandoning you is like losing a part of myself … that’s why I can’t .

Sometimes I wish I could console / reassure you… I really want to.

I like it when u are safe; emotionally and physically safe. It bring me great joy and happiness to see you happy 🙂

I wish I could give you everything;
From stars in the sky 🌌
To each grain of sand.
I want a beautiful love for you;
The most beautiful in the world 🌎
I want someone just right for you
And you for them.
It’s just that seeing you happy makes me happy,
So I’m a bit selfish and always want to make you happy 😊 .
I want all the kisses for you,
But I don’t want you becoming suffocated and smothered!
I just want a big love for you 💕
One that encompasses the entire universe and maybe even existence.
This love gives me purpose, happiness and fills me with joy.
I want a kind of surrender for you in which you both can melt,
One that shoots chills down to your spine; goosebumps all over your arms.
I want a kiss for you that is out of this world,
A touch that sends you over the edge in pleasure.
I want an angel for you,
Who takes care of you,
Who gives you sweet kisses so you fall asleep,
Who hugs and holds you while you sleep
Who keeps you close to her heart,
So close you could hear her heart beating.
I want a soft touch for you.
I want all the smiles in the world for you.
I want your freedom and happiness.

I love your hands, shape of your head,that sweet smile of yours. Forgive me for still loving you this way. Had a dream about you it felt so real,Woke up and it actually felt like we still talked, like I could just pick up the phone and call you, message you. How I wish to hear from you. I can’t forget you. I see you living your life happily and it brings me so much joy. I sometimes wonder if you remember me.

mmm the taste of you
I love how our skin melts into each other
I love how we open up and take each other
I love being with you
And your touch. I love your touch
Your hugs are best place in the world.
I love kissing your palms
And I just love kissing you.
I love our giggles too ☺️
But most of all I love being close to you
I like the your hands around me and being nestled in your hug. Still and peaceful.

How I miss your hugs, I was enchanted by you. Completely devastatingly profoundly In love with you, your soul captivates me and pulls me in.Keep hoping you’ll reach out to me..you never do.
I think I’ll die waiting for that day. I meant it when I said I’ll love you forever, you brought me joy, made me feel alive, made me feel like anything was possible. brought out the best in me. I adore you

Thank you
You help me to keep going.
🙂
I feel like I get my energy back when I think about us.
I wish and hope one day that we get to be one and a team, together, so we don’t quibble.
And I think you read my previous letter here and attempted to talk to me in real life but I didn’t respond. I didnt respond because…. it wasn’t really me speaking. I was speaking from the side of me that I knew you would like, the one that plays it cool and pretends it’s all fine and “yeah we can just talk” and “explore our possibility” etc. I’m not even going to pretends it’s like that, anymore. As soon as you responded, I knew I shouldn’t have said those things when I didn’t really mean it. But I’m going to stop thinking about it now, I wasn’t trying to delude you, my intention was to try and become something I wasn’t. I knew that’s what you would “like to hear” but in reality, that’s no who i am or how I feel.

You know, sometimes intensity is both a blessing, and a curse in some situations. Intensity of feelings that is. Haha

i miss you very much. i know you miss me too. i’m sorry i find it hard to express it, but … that’s the truth. no, i’m not with anyone else… i don’t know why u were the only person i felt that way towards. i just do.

Actually more like o want to “give” you….and if I’m thinking about now, it more like, I want so much love and affection for you- no matter who it is from. 🙂 sometimes I question why I feel so affectionate yet come off as cold … am I being misunderstood because i don’t display everything I feel? I don’t know for sure, maybe.

its The kind of thing
That is unnamed
But it exists.
It’s the kind of thing that
Can’t be explained
But I try to describe it.
I don’t know how it will be interpreted,
Maybe it doesn’t matter.
Why do I feel it lingering near me?
It always stays close. It’s feels like a beating heart that is just within my hearing range. I can hear it.

I miss you.I miss you everyday . I can’t help being drawn to you , to be close to you. I always feel like I want you.
Alot. Sometimes there’s a yearning from inside me… somewhere. No matter where i have been or how much I have ‘enjoyed’ going out or meeting people… I always come back to my place next you, it feels like home.

You’re my safe place. I can’t even pretend to be anyone else, and I don’t even want to. You’re my favourite place to be…

Being physically apart is not easy anymore…. I always daydream about you to compensate for all the time we don’t spend together.

But I wouldn’t want to always be around you either lol because I’m scared of staying too close for too long and then being pushed away…

Sometimes i think it’s better to just keep to yourself … I try. But it fails when I’m trying to stay away from you… it’s like I have already decided to push myself away before you can. I do strange things to “protect” myself … perhaps the reason we are not together is because I think we will have conflicts and I will go back in my shell to avoid more hurt. The subsequent anger will keep me inside my shell until I have shown that ‘you can’t hurt me’… until I become ‘distant’ or act as if I am detached. I think the reason for this separation is your indeciveness; your lack of empathy for me (because you hurt me with your indecisiveness).

Slowly I started to create my own world in my imagination where ‘you’ didnt hurt me. Where things worked out. Where we didn’t act so standoffish. Where we weren’t inside our shells, afraid of hurt and rejection – we were free and outside of our shell. I think my imagination was fuelled by our communication online… although I stopped writing back , you would always post anonymous letters and even try to talk to me and tell me how you feel. But I had to keep to myself in “real life” because all that we were was solely on my imagination- I made a distinction betweeen you who rejected me and ‘you’ who would write letters (sometimes angry ones too) and who kept me motivated to do everything and to come out of my shell. I don’t blame you completely, because I have noticed that I also try to ‘show’ that I am so strong when I’m hurting inside. It’s like a defence mechanism.

I never got to know you except via letters… you have always been in your shell and never expressed anything. I took that as a sign that you don’t care. I ignored my feelings that were still there and left because I thought it was all in my head and there really was nothing between us. Only to find out I was wrong …

There was a lot of friction between us when we were physically together those few months; we were busy , had other things to do, but still… we COULD have made time for each other but didn’t. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to happen so it didn’t. There were thousands of excuses…. from both of us.

Few weeks later I felt terribly hurt when you purposely blamed me for something you were responsible for … you thought it was me who distracted you or caused trouble when in fact it up to you to face your problems instead of blaming others. This was all done as a letter … i tried to brush it off thinking it could be someone else who wrote it… but I knew. I thoughtto myself that I had made the right choice, i really needed to cut it off. I had started to distance myself since then. Ever since I cut it off the first and only time.

Recently I came across a very negative letter again, I haven’t read anything like that in a while. But there it was. I tried to brush it off … I was scared to even admit that it came from the person I had been thinking about this whole time. Even your friend felt that it was horrible. I didn’t know how to feel. Coincidentally I was feeling quite mentally/emotionally overwhelmed that day when I read your message … and it made me feel even more low after reading it. ….I guess I was glad to not be around you that time. It’s funny I thought … did you just blurt how you truly felt? Was that the first time in many years that you realised we truly did not belong together ? It’s interesting how you went back to just being that same person 4 years ago who would compare me with someone else. I was silent after reading that anonymous letter…. no voice in my head, no anger, no sadness, no bitter feeling. But I felt something inside me break… there was a dent in our trust, belief and hope. I didn’t have anything to say, I had nothing to express, as always I kept to myself. Many days I acted like I was the only person who had my back… who was caring for me enough, this helped me to keep me going. I was glad again … I really had chosen the right path; to walk away. There is no reason for you to blame me for anything now, but there you were blaming me for feeling hurt; Finding anything to stop your hurt, even if it means jabbing at someone in a low and petty way, caring only about your own needs. I don’t owe you anything. Not even an anonymous letter. I don’t even feel sad, I don’t feel angry … I just feel like I am very very far away from you right now. I don’t even feel a hint of your existence. I am starting to feel nothing for all these antics because I have really no expectations from your side. You only know how to hurt others, inflict pain that someone put on you and pass it on. You’re no different that those who hurt you, you’re the same. You broke the trust a long time ago, now you are losing your self respect and dignity. Again I am really happy with my decision of breaking if off… I know it was a relief I needed and so did you. It’s good to see things back to ‘normal’ for you as well… I don’t have to feel I am a part of anything that is you or yours. Your lack of initiative and responsibility at the beginning was enough to show me who much you cared. Now , now Everything seems great, we are rid of each other … now there should be no problem? Unless you’re hell bent on creating one- in that case I’m sorry but you can’t blame me for that as well. Really sorry about that – you’re on your own. If not being able to come back together is also a problem that you can blame me for – you really have lost it.

Staying away is good for you and me. Its what you wanted ? What happened ? Did you forget those times when I ruined things for you? Do you really want to go back to the dull and boring non existent thing we were? How can you miss bad things…? Clearly you’re conflicted. Writing all this won’t change a thing, and I’m not hoping to do anything like that. You and I have separated into different paths. The only thing to do is to remain apart and never get in each other’s way. Because that would be horrible and you and I would truly regret it. That’s how it’s always been. That’s why we are not a thing.

I only say this because I think you can find someone to be happy with that’s not me.

I have been thinking that we are not compatible … even though I am attracted to you. I feel you are suffering.

If you want me to open up to you I think it’s going to take courage from your side … to open up. The last time I even tried to openly confess and message you … you just ignored and rejected it. I don’t feel I’m in a place to contact you again. It’s makes no sense to contact someone who doesn’t want to talk to you. Yes you were angry at the time I understand… but I don’t know if you still have issues with me or not? Do you ACTUALLY want to talk to me? Or you don’t know and are not sure? I had made up my mind a long time ago… but I still don’t trust you because you seem unsure of your feelings towards me. Sometimes you oscillate from loving to hating to saying things truly can hurt people.

Despite all this my feelings are the same – I have no control over it. I will continue to write here about them… as for telling them to you irl… I feel discouraged from doing that because I feel you haven’t made up your mind. That you want something or someone else … that you want more … that I’m not good enough for you. That’s how I have felt in all honesty.

I don’t want anyone else but you.
No one else.
No one.
I don’t like being touched by any other person, man or woman.
I solely want, you.
I don’t want to share anything with anyone else . You are enough for me, you’re the only one I want.
I only dream of you, pain or pleasure, I only want it with you, no one else.
You think I’m beautiful in someway…. yet if I told you that are the only one I want, will you believe it?
When Can’t even dream of kissing without thinking of you.
I want you nearer, I want you all around me, I want to be in your hug and you in mine.
You ask me why I want you so much …. because you can’t see it, just like I don’t understand why you find me so beautiful.
When you love your love lasts forever.
And I can’t help but only be affectionate towards you. All my kisses for you are for you only ^^.
And the way I want you I could want NO other, with such passion and urgency and softness and care.

Close your eyes and let me gently remove your shirt from over your head.
Place one kiss,
On your nose.
Relax and take a deep breath
Let it flow,
In and out and in and out…
Ask you if you want to undress by yourself… you shake your head,as if thinking what’s the point? We’re bathing together.
I undress you and lead you to the warm bath I prepared for us.
A kiss on your cheek,
As you sit in the tub,
The warm water up to your chest.
I want you to relax, that’s all.
Lay back and close your eyes.
Lay your head in my lap,
And slowly massage the shampoo in your scalp.
The air around us is pleasantly warm and humid.
I kiss your forehead and then gently place another sweet peck on your lips.
Loving how your curl your mouth into a small joyful smile.
The water gushing out the tap and filling the tub with warm water like a waterfall. Making sweet sounds it is splashes the water in the tub.
You’re easing in. Your muscles more loose now and body relaxing.
I clean out the shampoo from your hair being careful to not let water into your ears.
Added a small refreshing bath bomb. You were surprised when I did that and I giggled. You didn’t mind the aroma as it wasn’t too strong, just a hint of fragrance to soothe you. I hoped you liked a frothy bath tub!
I gently began massaging the soap on your chest.
You’re remarked how soft my hands felt.
I was being deliberately gentle and soft, because I thought you would like it.
I began to apply the soap up your arms and neck.
You asked me if I could join inside the bath tub… so we we can finish cleaning up each other.
We huddled close together in the water and stayed in a warm hug for a long time until we began taking a shower.
-P

I just want to be able to love/care..whatever someone calls it.
I want to be able to share these soft feelings with someone…
I want to be able to harbour these nurturing qualities for someone..
someone who I can feel these loving emotions towards…
so i can care for someone..

I want to kiss every bit of you.
Just keep kissing you.
Never forget you.
I want someone (me or anyone else who comes in your life) to give you so so so SO much kisses and love .. ^^
^^
I just want you to be happy
With one giant big hard kiss…
~ p

To M
You can talk to me. You can always talk to me. Either in real life or online or anonymously. You’re close to me, even though you may doubt it. I’m sorry that I haven’t been able to respond directly to your messages or been able to be physically present with you.

To myself?
Sometimes I really feel at a loss for words. I can’t seem express what I want to say, exactly. I just feel it or know it. I wonder sometimes what I should say to try and show or reveal what I’m feeling. But every time words fall short. There’s so many things, so many emotions, so much going on that I just can’t separate the ideas and explain it like it’s some information or ideas. These are not ideas, these are real things, inside of me.

I feel like every word can be used against me. People only see/hear what they want to see/hear.
Do you know why I keep quiet?
I always think how I can improve and become better … a better person, a more genuine person and more authentic and real to my nature.
There was a time (even now but only sometimes) where I pointed fingers at others for my problems.
I don’t do that now.
I really wanted to tell you,
That I would really never hold it against you if you went with someone else.

I don’t hold myself from speaking,
Because I have nothing left to say.
There is nothing that needs to be said.
No complaints, no worries, nothing.

Do you remember that summer when things became suffocating?
How you suffered and me too because of all the things. Nothing really bad happened but it was just a slow breakdown of trust, and filling of insecurities, personal problems.

Do you remember that time you said you wish you never met me?
I just half smiled reading that. I didn’t even comment in my head… I just thought wow, because I was surprised.
I can only remember expressing my ‘anger’ or ‘jealousy’ maybe once or twice.
I never write it, it sounds like I am trying to mould someone according to my likes/dislikes… that’s horrible for them.
So I hope you understand why I wanted someone else for you…

However I can be accused of showing passive aggression by keeping quiet.
No, many times I have even stopped myself from writing something positive or beautiful. I can’t seem to hit ‘send’.
It has no meaning once it’s said.
Or cannot be encapsulated in words.
It something that I can share with you only when we are together in real life –
When we meet or when we talk to each other.
Until then I have nothing I can give you – no false hope, no false solace, no nothings, no pretence. I give you just the real part.

Is there a another part to this being I call myself – yes. But that other is only there when there is trust.
With trust comes openness and this creature can be something wonderful and happy.
But until then I’m not pointing any fingers…the silence says everything best.

This may not even make sense to me in a few months time. But this will be a reminder that I felt this way at one point.

I’ve been in love with you for four years now. We stopped talking but not a day went by that I didn’t think of you, I saw signs everywhere, things reminding me of you. I tried to message you and you didn’t respond which hurt, but what can I do. I guess it time to move on. You will forever be in my heart. I just wanted to hear from you one more time… one more time. I’ll always love you

Being physically close to you. Because I needed to be close to you a lot of the times … and I don’t want just any hugs I want your hugs. Our hug. I wanted to be close to you. Do you have any idea when I can give you a big kiss on your cheek? 🙂

Miss you, so I always think of you instead while cuddling and smiling in my pillow or blanket
p

Even when you’re not with me I still like to keep you close.
Miss you
Lots of love 🤗 ❤️ ☺️
To m
I feel that sometimes there’s more to you than I know so far – probably because we never really spent time together. All I know is you’re a shy ☺️ which is sweet, and that you have some temper problems lol but I guess we all have some rugged bits 🙂 and sweet bits – I just think you have way more sweet bits than I know of right now 🙂 ❤️ Love and 😘 lots of kissies ^^ I’ll write more often here 🙂
Hope you’re doing well

Yes I’m gonna say I love you love you love you a thousand more times! Because you’re worth it and you deserve it. That’s what I want you to remember… for the rest of your life. It’s a curse and a blessing on you!

“To Onyx,
When you’re genuine you’re shy. I guess it comes naturally to you. You’ve been hiding for a long time… there’s an interesting streak in you; the exterior ‘masculinity’/dominance is the exact opposite of what’s inside, what is truly wanted. But I don’t need to announce this to everyone, I know it and that’s enough. And when the time is right, you will figure out what to do. You’re not depressed, you’re not lacking self esteem, you’re not “disgusted” by anything. You know the reason why we sometimes keep doing the same things & thinking the same thoughts? Because it serves a purpose. You do it willingly to yourself because it’s a source of enjoyment and release from the controlled image we create in the world. You think like that because you like it, because you’re a sub hiding in plain sight during those times. Took a while to put two and two together; you may think I’m wrong in thinking all this…but it wasn’t a big secret since you yourself admitted it first anyway. But all that stuff about self image etc, it took a while to understand what was going on.

Preposterous idea? Spot on? Silly? Maybe, maybe not, but I lean towards the latter. But all this will be only with me and here of course. I know you might not trust me in these personal matters, but my intention here was only to figure out what was happening because my mind couldn’t let go of ‘that’ letter you sent that day, that easily. The pain in it was real, but it was like you planned all this somewhere inside you. Has all this changed how I think of you? LOL, no.

You’ve always been a bit different, and stood out to me. I don’t ask why, it’s irrelevant. You don’t ask why is life the way it is. It just is. We have been in strange encounters that truly left both of us feeling like … was there something there? But never opened up to each other, except… anonymously in letter after letter. I guess it happened because it did. It’s 2.06am 14 Sept, I’m tired now *yawn*. And btw, I have the best taste in men/boys 😉 cause I have better sense.

This is the most beautiful painful feeling that I have ever felt. I prayed and asked God to show me what divine love felt like with someone and he showed me you. You have made your choice to be with another and I respect your decision. So I will humbly step away but before I do there are a few things that I need to get off my heart first….. You have definitely taught me the meaning of loving someone enough to set them free. I need you to know that yes I do really see you and I do love you and not just the strong masculine you that you project to social media & the community but the beauitful soft kind hearted vulnerable imperfect yet perfect you that I see inside too…. when I look back on the our past I think I may have always been in love with you i guess I just didn’t realize it until you subtly pointed it out to me what was happening between us. Well now I want to point out to you that the day you was born I was created (concieaved) just look at our birthdays it tells our story it’s like I was created for you. Anyway I suppose it doesn’t matter now your about to pledge your life with another. Even though this really hurts me I want you to know that you don’t need to say a word I already
understand why you need to do this. So I tearfully wish you the best my love. Congratulations
Love Always
K

From someone who appears unattached,
I’m lost without you.
Are you my anchor?
Do you weigh me down or hold me down to earth?
I fight in my head with my own conflicting thoughts…
I wish I could decide.
But I know that you are not the reason for anything ill or bad; it’s simply my own doing and problems I must face.
When my head hits the pillow,
All I think about is how I can express all that I feel; all that affection which suddenly arises.

Have u ever seen eyes that look at you with a melting pot of emotions?
Lively vivid eyes
That want to express so many things.
Expressive eyes.
Eyes that you want to drown in?
Eyes that pull you towards them?
Eyes that speak a silent language of passion. Desire. Desire to know you inside out and within.
Eyes that want your attention so that they can take you with them…to a place where the person can care for you, nourish you, give you affection, say sweet words into your ears.
Entwine you in their embrace; give you slow and soft pecks and kisses on your body as lie down relaxed.

I want to know what puts a smile on your face; realise what makes you so happy and radiant just like you ought to be? Because I like making you smile,it makes me feel like I have the power to bring a smile on your face.

I want to kiss you
Everywhere.
I want to give you a piece of myself into you.
Each kiss …deeper.
I want to get lost in you,
Till I don’t know where my skin begins and your ends.
I want To entwine and entangle with you,
Till I don’t know where your mouth begins and mine begins.
I want to suckle and kiss you
inch by inch, slow and steady;
Move my tongue in swirls until I hear your soft moan.
I want you to kiss your palms,
Because that’s where I place my everything;
In the palm of your hands.
I want to kiss your fingers and the back of your hand;
Suckle and relish each finger.
Just want your hands on me and my hips,
Just want you to Pull me against your chest, so you can hold tight and protect me while I give you kisses at night,
Under the moonlight.

dear bubu
First of all ❤️
and kissie (as always, because I love doing kissies – only for you though)
I hope you are doing well, i would really like to take care of you sometime if I could. Please don’t stress yourself out over everything. I wish we could spend time together 🙂 but maybe now is not the right time to do that. And… we can only be so close bubu… it’s not wrong to be close or anything, but it’s good to get things done in an orderly way 🙂 planned and stable. So we don’t have to rush into things, and can take this step by step; you probably know how to do that better than me in real life in terms of being practical because as you probably know, I’m very emotional. And… I always ‘try’ to be practical because I wasn’t born with too much of that, and it’s like trying to juggle emotions and other things around me so that I don’t end up being ‘practical’ along with miserable.

Anyways back to the point, I think you posted an anonymous online letter bubu, I’m not sure though… you were in Melbourne at the time. And it was embarrassing 🙈 reading it (in a good way) I think I was laughing at the end of it while I was reading, because I’m just not used to opening up around people and I didn’t think I would get a response from u in irl. Thank you for writing it; I probably don’t have the courage to post my letters over there, so I rather write them here. I just get too shy in real life and I guess that doesn’t help me at all. I just… am not used to feeling so strongly and it can be scary sometimes for me because I feel so deeply about you and us. And you know… it’s probably easier for me to show you my feelings than talk about it, and describe it, because describing them and saying fancy words doesn’t really show how I really feel about u and about us.

Also, sorry for making you go through so much crap; I really have a hard time with trusting and being communicative about problems in real life. But what’s strange is that in the inside, I just feel all these things and I try to create a hard exterior to hide my emotions to avoid being hurt/rejected.

Sorry this is quite long, but I just wanted to say that your letter made my night and I was smiling and laughing as I read it. And it gave me hope 🙂 and it made me feel very nice and very special, and a little shy 🙈 ☺️ because it was one of the sweetest things I ever read. And I know I’m not “perfect”, but it made me smile when I read that…

your little pie who can’t stop missing u ❤️ 🥧 and would like to be close to u.
Ps. Thank you for being so patient

for u, m:
I wish you would tell me if u come here often…
because I hate to see you in pain and I don’t want u to suffer day in day out – thinking does she or does she not?
I want u to tell me
So I can tell you too, that yes I write here for u
So we can clear all this out
And still continue writing here when ever we need to, here, in our safe spot.

Because we are communicating and I don’t want it to stop. Tell me this is real and reassure me if u really read these…because I need to be reassured.
love,
And take care
miss u

I bookmarked this page, cause I don’t have time to read all of this love time capsules. (I did read some of them) but it Made me wonder dear love letters, where your loves every blossomed or it stayed in this moment of time and space? Any of this roman Numbers, where there faritales behind them?

We never met again irl but we always were perhaps thinking of each other throughout our time apart…. we only message online now. And we never really spent time together physically… just have been meeting on and off—only time can tell what will happen

I wish u could give u a million or at least a thousand kisses… don’t ask why I am so clingy or attached… sorry I don’t know but I am for some reason. I just am. And I’m not sorry abt it…
Hope it doesn’t feel overwhelming 2 u, that’s all
To momo(m)

I’m putting my love for you out there in the universe may my message reach you spiritually. You are the love of my life, THE ONE I felt it when I met you. You are apart from me now which hurts more than you’ll ever know. Is it true that true love has a way of coming back? If you love someone let them go? My love for you feels as true as could be and I know you love me I can feel your heart. Why does my love scare you? There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do to make you feel my love. This love we have can’t be replaced or found in a hidden dark place in the world. You were meant for me and I was meant for you! I Need you by my side I yearn for you long for your touch. Your head on my chest let me hold you and take care of you. I will protect your heart, Won’t you let me? I hope to God I marry you! I pray to God to bring you back to me sooner than later. I don’t know how much time we have left on earth won’t you please come back to me? Remember all the fun things we did. And how we read each other’s mind, how our life’s growing up were so similar? I feel in my heart you were specially crafted for me. My love for you is as deep as the ocean.