By a unanimous
vote in Church Council, a Golden Calf will be placed below the pulpit in
the Main Sanctuary on June 1st, 1999. The calf will remain there until
July 7th, marking the closing ceremony of Landover Baptist's 52nd Annual
Levitical Law Week Celebration. Freehold Iowa Farmer, and council member,
brother John Wilkins, was glad to offer recently born calf, Clara Bell.
Her corpse will serve as the framework that will be dipped into a vat of
molten gold. There is still some debate as to how the early Jews went about
this practice. We are uncertain at this point as to whether or not Clara
Bell will be placed into the scalding hot liquid metal while she is still
breathing.

"We are giving everyone a taste of idolatry, before they actually have
to pay for it," Rev. Deacon Fred stated at all 14 Wednesday evening services.
He was speaking of Landover's upcoming 'Levitical Law Week' where church
members are placed back under the complex system of laws enforced upon
the early Jews, for a period of 7 days.. "Members will be subject
to all of the laws written in the book of Leviticus by God." Rev. Deacon
Fred continued, "You can look at the idol, you can touch the idol,
you can even bow your head before the idol, but on July 1-7, anyone caught
doing so will be placed under Dr. Jonathan Edwards' care. Under his care,
you can expect to be subjected to chemically induced wasting diseases that
will destroy your sight, and drain away your life.(Lev 26:18) If you return
to the sanctuary and look at the idol again, you will have your home burned
down, and be forced to eat the flesh of your sons and daughters (Lev 26:23-29).
Folks, let's try to keep the casualty list down this year, and make it
a wonderful celebration."

The golden calf is placed in the Sanctuary to provide Church members
with a 'virtual' experience. "They will feel like they are going through
the same temptations that the early Jews went through," Pastor Smith remarked,
"When the 7th day of July is upon us, we expect to melt the gold from the
idol, and dispose of the rotted carcass of Clara Bell. The gold will then
be cast into a 27 foot cross, that will be erected above the pulpit in
the east wing of Sanctuary 11A."
[<Home]Copyright 1999/C.Harper - AmeriChrist Ltd.