It was and indescribable experience. We shouted bravos for 5 minutes. The link takes you to the page of the director and his ensemble, who has traveled the world with this. It truly allows us to see the dreamlike quality of our existence.

Here’s a short video from the play:

The 2.example came just now – a few moments ago – my heart is still racing.While I was looking at the video below – “False Evidence Appearing Real = FEAR” – a spider the size about 2×2 inches crept over my wall from under the PC, which I see as a symbol of my mind. It appeared very very very real and I snatched the nearest little book and smashed it. The book was one I note wise-word-quotes from the Course in.

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There must have been a shift in the energy system/belief system – yesterday I realized that stories I have believed was “my” thinking were clearly seen as just stories and that did not need to hold on to them. They were all very dreamlike and silly-like.

And i did not fall asleep before 4-5 in the morning – when that happens, I know there is some old fear beneath the surface. This morning I found the attention going to the central “wound” in the chest, and it felt like a tiny door opened for 1 second, and out pured the most primal pure fear-energy I ever felt

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It often happened during the years when I was teaching art atBrockwood Park Schoolin Hampshire, England, that my own artwork had its origin in classroom activities.

My keen group of students were learning how to paint on silk and other fibers as part of a fiber art program. They also wanted to explore off-loom weaving processes.

I had a wonderful stash of painted silk color samples from studio experiments in earlier days, and laminated them onto canvas to make ribbon strips. In the attic I found a discarded window blind made of narrow pieces of wood – these were painted using light-reflective acrylics.

The wooden sticks and the silk ribbons came together in a pattern discovered in one of the texts we studied – it’s a very old Chinese pattern symbolizing the ebb and flow of the Tao.

When Kit and I explore through Skype, we experience that any disturbances in our communication are immediately reflected in the quality of the Skype-connection. The places where we just don’t click – where we really are not in touch with ourselves /the other ( same thing really) are faithfully shown to us.

Today we were taking about taboos – the places in our lives where we have decided to stop talking about certain themes in our families of origin, because of the signals we have received when doing so – everything from threats to violence to looks of fear,disgust,contempt,ridicule. We all have these isolated islands in side where the weed grow thick and the underwater wells are polluted and give out a strong stench when we may step too close to its guarded borders.Lets say it is guarded with a circle of crocodiles.

Two times when we were sharing about taboos the electronic connection became weird, once we got the sign that the Internet-connection was very unstable. As soon as we found what was true and was connected to it, it was also felt energetically, and Skype immediately worked great again.

We both shared an example where we had felt responsible for others’ feelings and had felt guilty: Oh I shouldn’t have said that/done that etc ad nauseam.

Exactly when I felt this in my body, a sign popped up on my desktop:

“How to clean out junk on the PC. Without regular cleaning, you PC accumulates junk files that slow down your system.It is easy to get rid of the junk with System Mechanic.”

May I present to you – my system mechanic: forgiveness the Course way.

The main thing to know in this process is to acknowledge that what happens to us, we choose. Before you start to scream and protest, I’ll mention that the part that chooses to be punished and suffer is the ego. Which we identify with, by choosing to believe in the ego-thought system which is separated from Truth – and Truth is here meant as our Self, our true identity as God’s Child.

When we are immersed in the ego thought-system, we find ourselves plagued with guilt, fear and sin.

When the sign popped up, Kit and I wondered what junk it was referring too – and it took just a minute to find that it was guilt – ego’s main building block in its convincing appearance/dream – the WORLD.

We both had a recent experience where we found ourself in a situation where we told ourselves that we “should” have responded different. We thought we “owed it” to the other person – a clear sign of guilt. There were strong voices inside us both that told us that to NOT “help” the other would make us cold, mean,cruel and egoistic.

But is was shown as junk-thoughts – just the kind that ego needs us to think to maintain its hold on our mind and separate it from Love.

There is so much junk in this kind of “helping:” We say inside “Oh you poor thing, you don’t have the wisdom and superiority that I have, and not the potential either. I’d better help you”(meaning “preach to” you.)

What a seducing role that is – “the helper.” S/he helps to feel better. Now Kit and I were shown how in both cases we had been involved in – what had happened was perfect as it was – and that we can not possibly know what anything is good for.

Going to bed last night, I noticed a clear round red spot on my left cheek. It was big too – 0,6 inch.That set off a strong alarm in the body – my face would be disfigured,I would not look pretty anymore. i would look disgusting, disfigured, sickening, abominable. It took some seconds before i recognized split-off feelings from very young: verbal abuse from the men who also sexually abused me. I felt U G L Y and D I S G U S T I N G and there was a strong identification with all the labels.

I have looked at photos of myself as young. Pretty is a weak word for it. Thing is – I did not see that before I was in the sixties. The old image of BAD and DISGUSTING was a veil that i saw myself through, whatever others told me.

In bed, I went into the TAT-pose and went through the 8 sentences/”attitudes” while holding the pose. One can incorporate TAT with Course-teachings, so this is a great healing procedure for me. TAT works with putting our attention on what the attitudes say while touching certain energy-medicine points, and then just paying attention to what happens in the body and mind, letting it be, trusting the process.

What happened was strong pains like lightening bolts, nausea and despair. While i was going through the process, I knew that when something manifests in the skin like this, it means that it has come to be seen and forgiven and released. So I forgave my perception of myself as disgusting etc – forgave the ones who gave me the words ( by choosing ego as my teacher I had unconsciously wanted somebody to punish guilty old me.)

Looking into the mirror this morning, there was no trace of the red spot. I said thank you very loud – and heard: “it is your perception of yourself that is healed.”

Of course! The red spot was nothing else than a projection of my “ugly disgusting” perception of myself.

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