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Sunday, June 17, 2012

Happy Fathers

Frontlines Of Fatherhood: Catching Up After War

Tom Dreisbach/NPRSpc.
Bryan Tolley and his 18-month-old son, Ryan. While deployed, Tolley
would see children that would remind him of Ryan and immediately call
home.

Last year, members of the 182nd National Guard
regiment marked Father's Day far away from their loved ones. This year,
they're home with their kids after a year in Afghanistan.

Spc.
Bryan Tolley, 29, knows the challenges of being both a soldier and a
dad. His son, Ryan, is a shy, blonde 18-month-old who happily clings to
his dad.

"Seeing his face light up when he
sees Dada come through his bedroom door instead of Mama because he's so
used to his mother — it's awesome. I love it," Tolley says.

Tolley's
from Plymouth, Mass., and at a Guard event in the state, he meets up
with his friends from deployment. They take turns playing with Ryan.

"I wouldn't trade being a father for the world. It's one of the coolest feelings in the world — it really is," Tolley says.

Ryan was just a newborn when Tolley was told he was shipping out to Afghanistan.

"It
was tough at first. It's one thing to be prepared for a deployment.
It's another to know that you're going to be leaving a baby behind," he
says. "When we found out we were pregnant, it was the coolest feeling in
the world. But that was quickly shadowed by the fact that I was leaving
in a few months."

Like other soldiers who have to leave behind families, he missed a lot of "firsts."

"First steps, first time eating solid food by himself. He started talking while I was gone too," Tolley says.
It
was his first deployment overseas. Tolley's unit was in Zabul Province,
which is relatively stable. Tolley says the nights over there were
still, most of the time.

"I've learned a whole new definition of quiet, the creepy quiet," he says.

Now, "quiet" has another new definition.

"It's the good kind of quiet, the quiet when he's sleeping," Tolley says.

Tom Dreisbach/NPR Sgt.
Michael Clark and his fiancee, Kaitlin Forant, hold their son, Michael
Clark Jr. It took time for the 18-month-old to recognize his father
after Clark's deployment.

At the same Guard event, Sgt. Michael Clark
holds his son, Michael Clark Jr., who tries to squirm free. The meet-up
is a chance for Clark to reunite with the guys from his unit. He was
deployed to Nangarhar Province near the Pakistani border. Now,
Afghanistan seems a long ways away.

"You're
gonna see a lot of love, a lot of handshakes, hugs," he says. "It's a
big family, basically a big group of kids all in uniform. But we do love
each other, and I'm glad everyone came back safe."

He's right. Most of these soldiers are really young. Many, if not most of them, have kids of their own.
War
and fatherhood have forced them to grow up quickly. Sometimes, the
stress of those responsibilities can be overwhelming. Clark says it was
tough when he first came home to his family. They had changed, and he
had missed it.

"Overnight, your lives have
changed. Your family has gone on one more year," he says. "Your son has
grown up one more year, and you kinda have to catch up."

That's
what these soldiers are doing. Yes, there is a lot of stress. Many of
them are now looking for regular civilian jobs. Some are dealing with
injuries, even post-traumatic stress disorder. And a lot of them, like
Tolley, are learning to be fathers for the first time

But unlike soldiering, this is a role that requires strength, endurance and sometimes complete surrender.
"The
one thing I think is wicked cute is [Ryan] will actually blow kisses,
and he'll make the noise to go along with it," Tolley says. "He's always
laughing. He's always got a smile on his face."
So does his dad.

1 comment:

Anonymous
said...

Father's Day is so special!!! To have a man that actually understands how to be a man and then transfer to a real husband then a wonderful father is hard to find!!! Lots of men become husbands before truely knowing how to be a man and others become fathers before maturing and mastering being a husband! Bree... week 4

About Me

Actor, Casting Director, Director, Broadcaster, Writer, Singer, Artistic
Director, Dramatur, Producer, Professor, Coach, Husband, Grandfather, Marketing
Professional and life long student Art Lynch joined the staff of John Robert
Powers in 1999. Lynch is also an adjunct professor at the Community College of
Southern Nevada, the Morning Edition Weekend Host for Nevada Public Radio and
one of 67 individuals who represent 126,000 actors as a member of the Board of
Directors of the Screen Actors Guild. He is the past president of the Nevada
Branch of the Screen Actors Guild and of the Professional Audio/Visual Communications
Association. A resident of Nevada since 1984, Lynch has an MA in Communications
from UNLV and a BA in Theater, Speech and Mass Communications from the
University of Illinois, Chicago. He is currently pursuing post-graduate studies
in theater, education and the entertainment industry. Art Lynch studied and
practiced the craft of acting in Chicago and California before settling in
Nevada. With his wife Laura, Art owned and operated a successful marketing
company with national clientele. Art was personally responsible for casting and
directing over 1,000 commercials and industrials, as well as assisting on film
and television projects in many ways. His career also includes earning awards
as a wire service, magazine and broadcast journalist. He is most proud,
however, of his daughters. Ann is a PhD in neuroscience and Beth is the proud
mother of his grandchildren, Evan and Elijah.

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