Category: Godly Dating

Hello Ladies & Gents, since there are males who read my blogs as well. How exciting. Today I’m going to talk to you about, how to recognize if he’s the one. You could be dating someone now, or you may just be curious to know, how will I know it’s him when he comes. Great I’m here to show you what God has shown me. Before my husband came and even after. Men have been appointed by God to be leaders in their home and in the church. The role of the husband in the Bible starts with leadership. Scripture makes it very clear that a husband must be a leader of his home and have healthy control of his life. In 1 Corinthians 11:3, Scripture says, “But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.

As we can see ladies, God desires our husbands to lead us, spiritually and physically. So whomever you are dating should posses these qualities in their characteristics. This may sound crazy but I believe the man you are dating or will later come in your life, should have a stronger relationship with Christ than you. Hey! I can only give you what God has given me. But why isn’t there more men in the church? Why does the women population out weigh the men population? Here’s the answer; If you want to take a body out, you aim for the head. Think about it, if men are suppose to be the head of the house and leaders in the church, and there is an enemy on the loose. Who is he going to attack the most? Yup that’s right our MEN!! If you look at this generation and the generation before they call it “the fatherless” generation. It hurts my heart but we can see left and right families are being torn apart. Men are leaving the church and their homes. Children growing up without an active father in their lives. Men desiring to be women, and the list goes on. I’m just pointing out what I see. There is an attack on our men, that’s why us as women need to pray more for our men.

Now the thing with men, us women can not change them. Or even help them grow into a deeper relationship with God. Believe me I tried several times in my life complete FAIL. They have to want it for themselves. The only one that can change a man is Christ himself. Why? because it’s the order of God. Us as women were never designed to lead. A man can lead a women into a deeper relationship because it’s God divine order. The man is designed to lead. Christ is designed to lead the man. You can pray & pray but it will be such a struggle that you would ask yourself, is this all worth it? But if your married that’s a different story you must stay in that marriage and pray for your husband, but we want to avoid that because only the strong survive that outcome. I wouldn’t advice you to marry if this sounds something like the relationship your in now. But that’s a another topic for another day.

This is what the bible talks about when it says do not be unequally yoked. In 2 Corinthians 6:14, you can go and read that for yourself.

“If a man is not bringing you closer to God, he’s bringing you closer to himself.”

His wants, his needs, how he think things should go, his plan for his future etc. All of his action and goals are governed around him and not Christ. You will know “God” is sending you your husband when his life is Christ centered. Not based on how he makes you feel, what he has done for you, how he’s active in the church. Here’s a hard one to swallow, even if you have children together. What does his personal life with Christ looks like? Does he resemble the word of God? Ok ok I know your saying, we’ll what if he’s not like that. What if one day he’ll get there. Than I will say to you, then God didn’t send him. You as a Christian women who is growing into this relationship with Christ do you believe God will send you someone that will help your relationship with him, or hinder it? That’s like having a son and presenting him a wife that you know will interfere with your relationship with you and your son as his mother. Not gonna happen right? So why would God? I just want to say that this post is for believers who are currently single (Not Married), those who have a relationship with God. Now if you don’t believe in the principles of God than maybe this blog is not for you. But if you do then I strongly believe you should take heed to what God has given me to avoid tremendous heartbreak and feeling like you’ve missed it somewhere later down the road. ”

“The second most important decision in your life, besides making Christ your Lord and savior is who you choose as your husband.”

Your husband that’s sent from “God” will be the only man that will have a grace to handle you as a women and the calling on your life. God will give him that special grace. Anyone else will be a hinderance. How can you know if he’s the one? This is it all in a nutshell. Is his relationship with Christ deeper than yours, not his knowledge of Christ but his personal relationship when he leaves those church doors. Does it line up with the word of God? We as women we know, even if we don’t want to face it. We KNOW!! I pray as you read this blog God will open up your spiritual eyes to see what is of him and what is not. We have the power to choose, God will not force the one he has for us on us. We have to be wise enough to know and to wait on him and TRUST what he’s showing us. Don’t ignore the signs. Nip it in the bud at hello, if your spirit doesn’t connect with his life style. Don’t wait till months & years later when your emotions and heart is tied up in it. It’s harder to hear or see what God is saying concerning him. Your emotions will cloud your judgement.

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Hello ladies welcome back, you ladies are truly the reason I keep on posting. Your encouragement and testimonies are amazing. I’m so glad it blesses you the way it does. The enemy tries to attack me and discourage me from doing this blog. But when I hear how much it has touched and blessed you. It helps me to make the devil out of a liar. So he is under my feet and I will keep pushing and keep posting. Amen! Amen! So on today’s post I want to talk about forgiving your past. Now we all heard about forgiveness all our lives, and the quotes that come along with them. Which these quotes are all amazing, but it can kind of become redundant. But how can we wrap our minds around truly forgiving someone? We’ll here is what helped me.

First, who are we forgiving? We’ll I’m challenging you to dig deep and pull out some old baggage you had buried in the closet for sometime now. And who I want you to forgive, is every single “man” who has ever hurt you. Uh oh him? Yes him! If you say you have already, I still want you to continue reading. Next is, I also want you to forgive your father. The first man in your life. I’m going to try my best not to get too deep. But something that seems so very hard to do can become very easy if you changed your perspective.

People make decisions and choices based on decisions and choices that were made for them. What I mean is there is a reason to why that man handled your heart the way he did. It’s because he just didn’t know any better. Something and someone shaped that man to become who he is today. This plays a major role in his treatment to you. Some people can only love based on their measurement of love, or what they know love to be. It’s crazy but, so very true. Believe it or not but both men & women identify love with rejection. Let me explain. Did you ever want something or someone even more because you know you couldn’t have it? Wanting someone to love you, that has rejected you? That’s identifying Love with rejection. Deep? I think so.

Think about it why would we want someone who doesn’t want us? Isn’t our value worth more than that? Well let me explain where this can possibly stem from. I hate to say it, but it stems from the kind of love you received from your father. Your earthly father. We as woman subconsciously size up the love we feel we deserve by the measurement of love we received by our natural father. I promised I wasn’t going go too deep, but it’s true!!! This is really the reason why we made the decisions we made in those relationships. With guys who broke our fragile, semi already partly broken hearts.

Quick Transparency: (No Judgement Zone) My father that is very active in my life he also was and still is a Pastor. The people outside looking in would think we was the “Huxtables” or something. That was far from the truth. We weren’t a perfect family. My dad was there for me financially & physically but emotionally there was a void. God had to show me that ugly truth, I would have never believed before. I thought I had the best dad in the world, which I still do. I was 27 years old, when God showed that to me. I was basically a grown women. He also said he wanted to heal me, and fill that void with his everlasting love. Then later on it dawned on me, and I understood why I settled so many times in past relationships.

This may not be your testimony, but your father fell short in some area in your life, if he was present in your life or not. We all fall short. No man on this God green earth is perfect, and no man on this God green earth can give you the type of love and fulfillment you need, But God. He wants to heal you if you ask him. And he wants you to forgive them, forgive them, forgive them forgive them. Forgive your Dad to every single man who has ever broken your heart. Even that kindergarten boyfriend, who ran off to play Sandbox with the girl with the pink ribbons in her hair. You laughing but that’s for somebody. Jesus said while being persecuted on the cross, while his heart was broken and weak. Opened cut wounds all over his holy body. Spit from a strangers mouth probably dried up on his face. Blood dripping, his body in tremendous pain. I wasn’t there but these are some of the thing I can imagine. He told the man that could end everyone’s life by the snap of his finger. He told God his father the “All Mighty One” who can take revenge right then and there. He said,

“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

Luke‬ ‭23:34‬ ‭ESV‬‬

If Jesus can do it we can do it too. No matter how heavy the pain is from our past. We can have the mindset of Jesus on the cross that day. I forgive them because they know not what they do. These men truly, truly, truly, truly, truly, truly, truly, know not what they do. We don’t know the battle and the struggles and strong holds and the demons they fight everyday due to their father or their past hurt. They may not have any clue that their even battling anything. But they are. The scripture says,

“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” Ephesians‬ ‭6:12‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Is not a flesh battle its a spiritual battle that they have no idea, that’s taking place. Generational curses passed down, from his father, then his father so on and so forth. We must forgive them and ask God to open their eyes or to even heal their broken hearts and pray one day they will come to know Jesus for themselves. After that take on the spirit of forgiving them because they didn’t know any better. They truly had or maybe still have no clue. That should bring on a burden to pray for our men of this generation because they are under attack. In a battle they are not aware of.

I truly pray this gives you some type of freedom in some way. Or if it even brings you some kind of understanding. This may help you to open up your heart and to love again. I’m sorry but I don’t think God is gonna send you a man he worked hard on, to cultivate, impart into and build up. For you to tear him down because you haven’t decided to let things go and receive healing from your past heart breaks. These men that God are preparing are just as fragile as you. So you must handle with care. Open up your heart and receive God’s love for you and let him become a father to you and mend your broken heart. Learn about God’s love, and how much he loves you. You can look to God to see a true example of a father because man will fall short every time. If he’s a man of God or not he will still fall short.

God wants you to know his heart. He wants you to measure the love you deserve by the love he gives and that’s unmeasurable. So imagine the type of man he has for you. One that will love you unconditionally. I challenge you to forgive them based on the understanding you received in this post. I also challenge you to study the Love of God. Research scriptures that talks about love, purchase books etc. One book I would recommend is the “Baptism of Love” by Leif Hetland I will put the link below. It’s an awesome book that will help you understand the fathers love. I desire to see you patiently waiting on God to send his best for you. Please follow this blog, like it, share it and comment. The more you do these things the more my blog gets seen and read and someone else may need this. I Love you ladies and have an amazing week. 💕

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Hello Ladies welcome back, & hello to you if this is your first time reading my blog. I’m so overwhelmed by the encouragement and support I’ve been getting from the start of this blog. I just wanted to say thank you, thank you, thank you. By God’s grace I’m able to share what I’ve been through and what God has shown me in my “Wait Season” so I have been where you currently are.
So what I want to talk about this week is becoming the woman you desire to see in your future husband. What do I mean? I’m glad you asked. When I was single and I was visiting my mom in New York, we would have these talks. She told me something I’ll never forget. She said, “Shaleena if you want a better man, become a better woman” at first I said to myself that doesn’t make any sense. A man should take me as I am. That was my worldy mindset that I had to quickly get rid of. So I thought to myself, ok what do I want in my husband. All the things I wanted in him, I needed to be doing or striving to do for myself. Example If you don’t desire your husband to be a clubber, drinker, or smoker. Then maybe you should work on those things for yourself. If you desire him to be a go getter. What dreams are you trying to aspire? If you desire him to be honest, trustworthy, and faithful. When you become one with your mate you are a reflection of him. So what is your reflection saying ? Can you honestly say that you uphold these qualities? Hmmm good one right? I know it was good to me when God first showed me. The thing is that we attract who we are. The scripture says,

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”-Matthew‬ ‭6:33‬ ‭KJV‬

This scripture is so powerful, seek the kingdom of God and all his righteousness. What does this mean to me? We first must understand how the kingdom of God operates and its the complete opposite of how this world operates. We must attain the qualities of God’s kingdom. Which is all of his characteristics. Then the scripture goes on to say and all these things shall be added unto you. What are these thing? Your desires! All the things you desire within to have, will come to you. “You attract what you become”. Yes 🙌 that is so good!!!
You was wondering, what can I do while I’m waiting for my husband. Here’s your answer become a better wife, because a wife is who you are not what you will be. The scripture says,

“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.”-Proverbs‬ ‭18:22‬ ‭NIV‬‬

It doesn’t say he who finds a woman and turns her into a wife. He who finds a wife. Ladies you are not only wifey material. You are a wife, so start walking in it. There are always areas in our lives that God wants us to grow in. He always shows us those areas in love because he truly desires the best for his daughters. Once I got this revelation I stepped into my role hunny lol. I started cooking and cleaning, working out. Putting my self on a schedule, learning about time management etc. I even went so far as talking to my husband as if he was already there. I was like what you want for dinner hunny, while my furniture starred back at me. I had to believe that thing. The devil will try to make you believe that you’ll never be married and you will be lonely for the rest of your life. For one your never alone because Jesus is with in you and he left his comforter, which is the Holy Spirit. Don’t believe the lies of the enemy. The scripture says he is the father of lies. Rebuke and cast down those thoughts don’t let him just speak anything to your spirit. Kick him out your mind and start Walk in it ladies. 💕

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Hello ladies I know it’s been a while since my last post. Sorry about that 😏, But today I want to talk about being satisfied in your singleness. Ok First off let me start out with asking you. How is your relationship with God? How is your intimacy with him? If your not sure or if you feel it can be better. Thank you for being honest.

The thing is that your relationship with God is TRULY a real life relationship just as much as you talk to him he wants and desires to talk to you. The thing is that the more you desire a husband shows there is a greater void in your heart. Your looking for love and the kind of love your looking for trust me “NO” man can fill. Only Jesus can do that. It’s so vital for you to build that strong relationship with your savior because he will literally save you from the wrong man! Ok? God loves you with a love so deep that your natural mind will never be able to comprehend.The thing is he wants to show you how much he loves you. But we have to let him in. He desires your worship and your love. Do you know that pleases him? Do you know that our worship moves him more than the worship of a 1,000 angels. Mankind moves God in a way nothing above or beneath can. That’s how deep he is in love with us. Once you begin to love on him, get to know him, study him, learn about him the more you will be satisfied with your singleness. What stuck with me when I was single a married woman said enjoy this alone time with Jesus because you’ll never get it back once your married with children. Boy was she right I can’t begin to tell you how I miss those memories with Jesus. I still spend time with him but now my time is divided. Take this time to truly get to know your master and let him pour out his love on you like a warm blanket draped over you on a cold night. ♥️

Then you will become completely satisfied and in love with your singleness. You’ll be having so much fun you’ll look up and God has presented you your husband and you didn’t even see it coming. Remember the phrase “Time flies when your having fun” yes he’ll be right there. You may even say hold up now, I’m not sure if I’m ready to interrupt this love affair I have going on with Jesus. lol Desire him more than you desire a man. Be satisfied with your singleness in Jesus, he is jealous for you. Don’t rush your 1st love to hurry and get with your 2nd Love. Be satisfied in your relationship with Jesus Christ because he will never leave you, harm you or break your heart💕

“‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’”

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Hello Ladies welcome back…..I’m excited about this week blog post ☺️ and what I’m going to talk about this week is “The List” ahhhh yes yes yes. Ladies get out your pen and a peice of paper and start the writing. But first let me say this, Do you know that God knows our deepest deepest desires? And if you desire a husband or to be married. God knows that, don’t allow the enemy to trick you into believing you’ll never find a husband. Or if you’ve been married before don’t allow the enemy to make you believe you won’t find love again, because you will. God knows all of your desires, after all he is the one who placed them in you. Isn’t he amazing he gives you those desires and then says believe me for them. Only God right! He also knows how to get you there. He even knows the things you don’t even know you need. So why not let him choose your mate for you, because he’s gonna send you the type of man you didn’t even know you needed. Ok ok back to the topic “The List”. So what I want you to do is write down what you desire in a man. And I’m not talking about…”God I want him to be 6’2 Dark skin, hazel eyes with abs, muscles and driving a Bentley. NO! That stuff does not matter and those things will fade. Write down what you desire him to be on the inside. Write down what you desire as far as his characteristics. Do you want him to be honest, trustworthy a family man, hard worker, a dreamer etc. The outside is a very small part of it, and that should not be what it’s all about. His muscles can’t save a marriage when you two hit a ruff patch. But his honesty can, him being a hard worker can. We have been trained to size up a man by looking at his shoes or what he drives. But you don’t even know, that man can be so rotten on the inside.

I have a friend and her sister started dating a guy who worked at Pizza Hut, but he was also was going to school. He was going to school to be an accountant but was working at Pizza Hut. I don’t know how the story went but I could imagine if Your going in to order some pizza and the pizza guy started flirting with you how many of y’all wouldn’t have even let him make it past hello? Lol Anywho so she started dating the guy and her family and friends didn’t understand at the time. But she seen potential in him, he was honest, gentle a hard worker going to school studying hard. She was right by his side encouraging him pushing him supporting him. Long story short they are married with two kids and just bought a brand new home which is huge might I add. I’m saying this to say, you can miss the man God has for you because your looking at him on the outside but not looking within not seeing his potential. Now of course you need to have your deal breakers. Deal breakers are somethings you know you won’t tolerate. Like if he smokes or drinks or he’s not a Christian or maybe if he’s not completely sold out for Christ. Ladies I’m telling you this now the hardest thing a woman could do is try to make a man want God more than he does. The bible says

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” ‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭6:14‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I put it like this, Jesus has been knocking on that man’s heart long before you arrived and if doesn’t answer for him. What makes you think he will for you? Now if your married, you stay in that marriage and keep praying for him. But if your not that should be a deal breaker and that’s just my opinion. A man is suppose to lead his family it’s the structure of God the word says

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,” Ephesians‬ ‭5:25‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Christ Leads his church, he gave his life for the church. Just as a man is suppose to lead his family. He sacrifices him self God, his wife and children. Just like Christ sacrificed himself for the church. You can’t make someone Love God just like you can’t make someone Love you, they have to want it for themselves. Anyway Sorry got a little side track. So put everything down on that list of you want him to have. It could be a strong relationship with God that’s stronger than yours if so, Put that down. If you would love for him to be a teacher. Put that down. If you want him to be a provider etc. Don’t just think oh that’s a given. No write it ALL down. The scripture says

And the Lord answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.” ‭‭

Habakkuk‬ ‭2:2-3‬ ‭KJV‬‬

I Loovvveee that scripture it blesses me everytime I read it. Your husband is a vision. You have a vision of being married one day to a awesome man of God right? So write it all down!!! Because it surely will come, it will NOT tarry. That something to get excited about. Speaking of getting excited writing what you desire builds some type of an expectancy the word says expectancy is the breeding ground for miracles, so babe get ready for your miracle. I know you said to yourself if I ever get married it would be a miracle lol well here it comes.

Another reason you should make “The List” is because have your vision right there in front of you on that peice of paper. It’s your agreement with God. Now if the devil tries to send you someone you can be like “uh uh an enemy has done this”. This is not what I have on my list. This is not what me & God agreed on. Like I said in my last blog post your days of tripping up on the wrong guy is OVER!! Also sign it and write x________ God this is the type of husband I’m believing you for.

And when he does come, and things just start checking off that list. Wooooo What a glorious and also fearful day it would be. I know it was for me. I was like OMG this is him, my husband with tears of joy and fear at the same time but God is Good. So what are you waiting for write it today!!!!! 🙏