Archive for the Jessica Simpson Category

Jessica Simpson was showing her friend just what it takes to get your dad to love you enough to quit the church, build her career, make millions than come out of the closet as a homosexual….a long and strong tongue that while pressed against an asshole while giving a handjob feels amazing…Incest is the Best when you’re a country bumpkin and your daughter is the only thing in town that doesn’t have webbed does…

Not that Jessica Simpson used to lick her dad’s asshole, but I’m sure she’s licked at least one dudes asshole, everyone has, even the most normal of people, like the cashier at the grocery store…it’s just something people do these days…so assuming that a celebrity, who has probably seen some shit, despite being Christian, even though she is a divorcee with kids out of wedlock who flaunts her tits for record sales, being anti-christian…

Or maybe, it’s just something I want her to do to me….now that she’s taken her tongue out of the BBQ sauce and cake batter long enough to get a tight fit body….that we know probably has the soul of a fat girl, because skinny or fit doesn’t take away the underlying oral fixation that fills the emptiness in her soul, at least not forever…trust me, I prey on fat girls, I know how they work.

Jessica Simpson posted a picture of her legs…that I guess people are freaking out about because they are so fucking muscular..they may be photoshopped…they look weird as fuck…but not that weird…because she has been carrying her fat ass around for 5 years before giving into her million dollar contract with Weight Watchers that won….and made her starve herself skinny…something I encourage all fat chicks do…as long as they don’t lose their tits…because a girl with no tits is like a girl with no vagina…or what I call a mad dressed like a woman….and their in nothing hot about that…I mean…at least not to me, but apparently to a lot of people since tranny porn is the top selling porn…it means whoever is still buying porn…who still buys porn? Is buying tranny porn…fascinating…

Jessica Simpson is back…all it took was a wedding picture she wanted to sell for millions. A contract with weight watchers she wanted to fulfill for millions. A little hard work and discipline from trainers and personal chefs to make it happen.

So if you’re fat, and you probably are, and you want to get fit, because you’ll live longer (not that that’s a good thing for you)…and your dick will look bigger to the hookers you pay for sex…then just pretend you have millions of dollars on the line..

Probably easier when you have millions of dollars on the line…

But I guess what I am trying to say is – at least she didn’t lose her big tits, and here’s someone poking at them…”are these things real”….

There is hope in the world for fat girls everywhere – that if you are offered a million dollars or more for a campaign based on your post pregnancy weight, you will hire trainers and chefs to make sure that you are getting all the nutrients you need, while getting ripped…I mean there are also doctors and hormone therapy and all kind of science that can take you from being the BBQ Boat that was Jessica Simpson to being this fit, in her 30s, mom of two…it’s amazing what a little forced motivation from your team and lots of money can do to your emotional eating…

Apparently Jessica Simpson whoring out herself and her tits to a fragrance like it was her Kmart clothing line, because it probably is part of her Kmart clothing like or like it was her Weight Watchers campaign that paid her a shit ton of money, because Jessica Simpson speaks to low income trash thanks to being their idol when they were 15 and pregnant in the trailer park a decade ago…they buy all her nonsense, and I can’t figure out why, other than that they only have a Jessica Simpson CD in their car that they keep on repeat – because they can’t afford the luxuries of other CDs…

Or maybe, just maybe, Jessica Simpson, who plays dumb, has a massively talented management team who have figured out exactly how to market her to make billions of dollars, and the good news for you, if you’re into a wholesome looking, despite being a divorcee who had kids out of wedlock, is that every once in a while they showcase her tits…like this…speaking directly to my dick making me wish it was a scratch and sniff..titties smell like flowers…let me taste…kind of ad…instead of just being a youtube video. But maybe I’m perverted and too into mom tits.

Jessica Simpson does mom bathing suits right. She got paid a lot of fucking money to lose a lot of weight, even though she has a lot of fucking money. She’s looking good enough to stare at in a bikini….but instead of being a trashy mom in her 30s who doesn’t respect that she is a mom in her 30s…and instead puts on a bikini because she’s been putting in work at the gym…she’s got the one piece on and it actually covers up the nightmare that is having 2 babies…and makes her appealing enough to stare at…it’s like she’s got this…and other moms should take her lead.

Jessica Simpson is acting all horny on her Honeymoon, probably because now that her husband has married her and locked her into a commitment, he can finally stop fucking her. Sure they already made a few babies, he was already good to go, but until you officially trap the dumb girl after keeping her sexually satisfied, blinded by love and fully committed, so committed that she would never even consider a pre-nup…you can’t not fuck her…

I mean sure she’s all and fit now, she got paid millions to get this body from Weight Watchers…he probably still sees the fat pig he used to mount for his own millions – every time she moans… in some PSTD from fucking her at her worst because it was the best time to trap her…

Or maybe, just maybe, he’s fucking her brains out because he feels like he’s won the lottery and is now so overjoyed…he just can’t stop…and maybe all that sex is why she’s finally looking fit again…

I guess the real question in all this is why am I trying to dissect Jessica Simpson’s relationship…let’s just look at her instagram pics.

There’s some story going around that Jessica Simpson is changing her name to Jessica Johnson…because she got married…and it is still a traditional thing for some women to do…because they want the same last name as their kids…and they like the idea of changing their name for their man…despite what all the feminists are pissed off about…you know up on some “It’s no a man’s world anymore, don’t let him dominate you girl”…bullshit..

I mean she’s a fucking Texan Christian with a homo dad who was once of the church…who raised her in the church…before hollywood put the devil in his pants…doesn’t mean this girl doesn’t want some level of white girl normalcy after years of being a sinner…

Or maybe her man really did gold dig her hard…with solid mind fucks…either way, she can go back to her maiden name when she gets a divorce and in the meantime let’s appreciate her being fit, busty and in a bathing suit…because ultimately…who cares what she fucking calls herself…it’s not she matters in any of our lives…except maybe when shopping for Christmas gifts for your wife you hate at K-Mart….

I guess Jessica Simpson is getting married for the second time this weekend, because the parazzi said she’s getting ready for her wedding, something I don’t give a fuck about, her middle american retard fan base may give a fuck about because they are the ones who buy her clothes, make her a billionaire, and know it is unchristian for all these out of wedlock babies…but jesus makes them forgiving…

I am more interested in the fact that thanks to taking charge of her life, she looks like a hot young hipster I’d like to groom the bush with my mouth on…and not a fat trailer park mom and I like it.

I guess it’s not too late for this one…or any of you fat 30 year olds…just put the fucking cake down and sort it out…

It is Throwback Thursday on instagram, and someone posted these two pics of Jessica Simpson from what I assume was many lives and pounds ago…that I don’t even believe are actually Jessica Simpson, but rather a lookalike with similar features…making it the #TBT of the day…even if it’s not actually Jessica Simpson, but instead just some trick in a white bikini all wet and see through…I mean it can’t be Jessica Simpson, despite her vagina being hungry, there is no way pictures like this would exist of her…but I am not a foresenic analyst, it’s good enough for me to remember the pre-baby…pre-weightwatchers…pre-competitive eating…even if it’s fake a shit…because ignorance is bliss…

Jessica Simpson was trying to avoid the paparazzi the other day, so she decided to take advantage of the erotic pose of her in dress with her tits busting out, and pose for her husband and baby daddy, we like to call “Lottery Winner”…

I guess a slimmed down Jessica Simpson is still hot enough to look at when busting out of her dress, if you can see past the fact that her dumb as shit brain you all laughed at is worth over a billion dollars thanks to middle of the road fashions at K-Mart…making her smarter than any of you…which is something that people have killed themselves for less depressing and disappointing facts….

In fascinating “Simpson” news…Ashlee Simpson has no ass

…which is convenient because it mateches her career. Life in the shadow of her half retard sister..To see the rest of the pics CLICK HERE

When I think of all the things in the world I would like to see…an up short shot of mom of two or three Jessica Simpson, pushing 35, after gaining a losing a ton of weight, before having a baby shat out of her, and that was just from all the ribs she was eating, before saying “I’m a legit billionaire, I can afford a cook and trainer to follow me around all day, and I have a multi million dollar contract with weight watchers I would like to collect on, maybe I’ll stop being lazy for a fucking minute and get my shit together, it only takes 6 months to get fit if you try”….kinda thing…

You see, that stretch mark filled mess…is not the promised land, it’s not the 90s anymore, if anything, it is a terrible fucking place that has seen terrible fucking things…but I’ll post this picture anyway, because virgin losers who read these sites are committed to specific girls, they are also in their 30s, cuz kids don’t need sites like this to find tits or ass…they just have to text the girls they know…and shit’s younger and fresher…new generation…

The key to not looking so fat – is making your shoulders look massive…

This reminds me of so many 50 year old waitresses I’ve met at various diners across america, really skinny, strong legs, with a barrel belly and big shoulders and arms…making for a weird boxy beer drinking body, that is built from all the running back and forth to and from the kitchen carrying heavy trays of food….

It’s not attractive, just middle aged and white trash, which I guess Jessica Simpson is despite being rich as fuck for being a fashion icon, and pop star ….

I mean if it wasn’t for her creepy, gay, stage dad who had dreams of being a showgirl as a little boy, dreams he channeled into his eldest prized hen, the only real reason he’d ever stick a dick in a vagina…that worked…she’d probably be working a diner too..

All this to say, weight watchers contract made this happen, otherwise she’d be 300 pounds, and now she looks like all the women I try to bang in Florida…which I am going to go find right now

Apparently Jessica Simpson in a bathing for her billion dollar Walmart brand is a big deal…everyone is talking about it…

I think isn’t big on so many levels…from the amount of hours that went into the photoshop retouching…to the actually weight of each of her tits…to her hip to waist ratio…that when out of shaping bathing suits and while standing next to young hot babes you realize just how big she is…

Not to mention, the fact that she heads a billion dollar brand…is as confusing to me…as the fact that I am trying to masturbate to these pics…I mean maybe because they don’t even look like Jessica Simpson anymore…

Jessica Simpson has always been busty, so that’s not going to change just because she’s had a bunch of kids and gained a bunch of weight….if anything that bustiness is gonna just get more busty and not in a good way…because if you’ve ever fucked a depressed, sad, sloppy, fat single mom, because you could, you will know her tits look more like the frozen vomit you left on her front porch…than something you’d masturbate to pictures of…

So sure, she is contractually obligated to lose a ton of fucking weight, and with that coupled with baby making…comes deflated boobs…and I guess this is what those boobs look like in a push up bra…not all that good right.