#SexWeek: The Nitty Gritty of Masturbation

How do you cancel an appointment?

Tell them you can’t cum.

Masturbation is one of nature’s finest stress relieving gifts. It releases more endorphins than working out, and has even gotten a woman through childbirth. But what does masturbation mean for us college millenials? Let’s get down to the nitty titty — ahem, pardon me — the nitty gritty.

Bring on the genital stimulation!

According to Cosmopolitan.com, around 47% of people in the U.S. admit to masturbating at least twice a week. Those are some happy folks. 23% of people admitted to masturbating at least once a day. These are your friends, the REALLY happy folks. So, if you ever see someone smiling all of the time, chances are they’re flicking the bean, or massaging the bologna pony on the regular.

I wanted to get some real world advice, so I asked a couple of my friends what they thought about masturbation.

How do you feel about masturbation?

“It’s wonderful. It’s great. It’s everything I need in life.”

“Ummmm I feel a lot if you get what I’m sayin’ ;)”

“I do it everyday, is that bad?”

“I’ve never done it but I want to.”

“No.”

Do you set the mood when you wank the jank?

“I have to watch porn, it’s the only way.”

“I obvi have to be alone with some music playing.”

“Nah I just go at it! What’s the point?”

“No.”

Do you think girls or guys do it more?

“GIRLS!”

“Guys obviously.”

“IDK”

“Girls”

“Guys”

In one word, describe how you feel after you masturbate?

“Tired.”

“Sated.”

“HUNGRY!”

“Hornier.”

“No.”

There you have it friends, from the mouths of babes. Masturbation is great, it makes you feel great, and it’s great for your health.