Bali is far too pleasant a place in which to be chewing over prophesies of impending global doom.

Our great leaders are no doubt experiencing palm fringed paddy fields, colourful batik shirts, sunbathing on the beach and vodka martinis. Such classic Balinese holiday motifs may unfortunately serve to neutralise the urgency of the environmental message that the conference purports to be exploring.

(TV news shows empty auditoriums, albeit with full stages. Where are the supposed 10,000 delegates?)

Indonesia is in the front line of the environmental war, what with its rapidly vanishing forests and population pressures and this should be reflected in the choice of Jakarta as a location for a future environmental summit.

(Four more are supposed to be held before the Kyoto Agreement is superseded.)

If we could get that unctuous, salad dodging Nobel laureate Al Gore on a bicycle wobbling down Sudirman, or get Arnie Swartzenegger squashed into a bajaj or Metro Mini sucking down exhaust fumes with his knees around his buzz cut, then perhaps a greater sense of urgency would be impressed upon the delegates.

Nice one, Simon.

By the way, when was the last time that Jakarta's Governor or any member of the government or House of Representatives braved the streets of Jakarta without a police motor cycle escort?