Michael Jordan, Know Your Role and Shut Your Mouth!

Shut the hell up, Michael Jordan. Nobody should be listening to you. You were an amazing basketball player—probably the best ever—but you are showcasing your arrogance and selfishness. We all know that about you by now.

So nobody should care that you said you would never have called Larry Bird and Magic Johnson and asked them to join you on the same team: “There’s no way, with hindsight, I would’ve ever called up Larry, called up Magic and said, ‘Hey, look, let’s get together and play on one team.’” Oh, really? “With hindsight” you wouldn’t make drastic changes to what pretty much everyone agrees was the greatest professional basketball career of all time? Shocking.

What about without hindsight? What about when you were 25, like LeBron James is now, and you, like LeBron James, had never won an NBA title?

“In all honesty, I was trying to beat those guys.” But, presumably, you were not trying to beat future Hall-of-Famer Scottie Pippen, who was on your team for all six of your championships. Oh, and good job with the whole “trying to beat those guys” thing. Your 0-8 playoff record against Larry Bird is truly the crown jewel of your legacy.

Which brings us to Magic Johnson, who Jordan did ultimately succeed in beating, for his first NBA Title in 1991. Magic, who just echoed Jordan’s sentiment by saying he would never have joined forces with LeBron James. Magic, who never won an NBA Finals without Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, the NBA’s all-time scoring leader. Magic, who won four of his five NBA titles playing for the man who just recruited LeBron to Miami.