April 15, 2011

“Woman Chili-Bombs Panties at Victoria’s Secret” has to be your headline of the day. At least until someone dumps fried pickles all over the counter at an adult video store. (Send us your tips!) This happened: A woman infuriated at being barred from the Victoria’s Secret in the Galleria mall in White Plains because of “an earlier shoplifting incident” took revenge by dumping a container of chili onto a display case, ruining 65 pairs of underwear with a value of $747.50. Not the Cheekies!

The woman was last seen fleeing for the parking garage, hopefully at least aware to some extent of the humor of the impending headlines, and the many “hot pants/fire crotch” jokes to be made, as well as some of a slightly baser quality. Chili in the panties, indeed. Evocative.

Hey, but really, don’t do this. Someone has to clean it up. Plus, this pretty much ruined her chances at ever returning and having one of those “Do you work on commission?” Julia Roberts moments. There are other places to buy oneself undergarments.

‘The World Trade Center was conceived by vested interests, promoted by pressure groups, brought into being by a handful of powerful men for reasons of monetary gain or personal pressure, and indirectly subsidized by the taxpayer’