Saturday, July 2, 2011

All's well that ends well. I had a great visit with my Voodoo Doctor! He just got back from a short vacation so we talked mostly about Italy and that was just fine with me. I did the blood test. It is red and all perimeters are where they are supposed to be! My blood pressure is perfect. It has always been on the low side of normal. I don't get riled easily. and I have a pulse! That is a good thing!
He couldn't find any lumps or bumps either but had the audacity to suggest that I could stop gaining weight!
I will have to think about that one. I started this process weighing 225 pounds and went down to 170 pounds. For awhile I lived on one Ensure a day, if you could call that living. Now I weigh in at 217 pounds, not exactly welter weight but I am ready to get back in the ring! I enjoy a good meal and none of this weight gain is from potato chips!
We did discuss the PET and CAT scans and I went through my rationalzations with him. They are boring.
I would rather be doing something else. Anything else. They are dangerous. They cause cancer. They are expensive. No matter who is paying the bill. They are not 100% conclusive. There are no guarantees.
There is too much evidence that my fight with chemo-therapy worked. I have had these PET and CAT scans before. Three times. The first was at the beginning of this mess and those were pretty clear. I had cancer everywhere! In well over 100 lymph nodes. In my spleen and in my spine. The cancer was thriving, living well and expanding wherever it wanted. The second series of scans show the battle midway when I was halfway done with th chemo-cocktails and clearly the cancer was running scared. In retreat. and my last one was a year ago when I finished with this "therapy" (it wasn't like a massage at the hot springs!). The cancer was gone! I want so much to say, "just like that!" but it wasn't easy.
So, all the evidence says the cancer is gone and the issue really is, will it return? No one knows how it got there in the first place. I lead a dangerous life but there is no connecting. No found reason for cause and effect. It just doesn't sound right when the tool of discovery causes cancer!
We agreed on a course of delay. My next appointment is October 6th, three months from now. Three months of summer that I didn't get last year. I won't fret and worry over this and told the Doctor that I am likely to forget the appointment unless I am called to remind me. I have way too much to do!
So we talked about Italy and pizza and bottled water and little cafes in central Rome. It was the best doctor's visit, ever!

Friday, July 1, 2011

Five hours from now. I have my "One Year Check Up"!...and I still don't know what I am going to do!
I know my voodoo doctor will want to do more PET scans and CAT scans and I am still battling!
Should I? or should I not? They are a bother; there are a million other things I would rather do. I don't like doctors. I don't like hospitals. I don't like waiting rooms. I don't...like waiting!
And then there is the very big issue, what would I do if the cancer returned? Taking "chemo" the first time is always a risk. Maybe it will do this and maybe it will do that? They don't really know, everybody is different. Maybe it will cure you and maybe it won't? It will make you sick though and that is for sure!
Some people have had "chemo" twice or even more and I just don't know how they did it? Where did they get that kind of strength to enter the fire again?
I start my day with Vicodine and end it with Vicodine when I go to sleep at night. I have pretty bad neuropathy in my hands and a little in my feet. I have enough pain.
These tests cause cancer. They are the same as getting 400 x-rays in a single day. They are not fool-
proof, they don't see everything. They wouldn't come with a guarantee.
They are extremely expensive. I have great insurance but that is only by luck. It is still expensive whether
I pay for it or they do.
I have no symptoms. No lumps, no bumps, no chills, nothing.
This time a year ago my garden was a mess. I couldn't lift 20 pounds. I couldn't weld nor paint, couldn't make art of any kind. Couldn't. Couldn't do anything. Nothing.
Now I am strong again and my garden is weed free and perfect, all set up for "that perfect tomato"! I can weld and work and make art. I can eat again!
I just don't know. Four hours now and we shall see?
My art is HERE