A friend of mine sent this to me because it had to do with figure skating and Mean Girls. Right up my alley, right? Yes. Except Cosmo got it ALL WRONG. Of course, there’s an American bias for the audience of this article, but please, no one envies the U.S. women’s team right now. They’re up and coming, not at the top as The Plastics are. I considered putting the Holy Trinity (Mao Asada, Yuna Kim and Carolina Kostner) as The Plastics but these three are above that. After all, the Mean Girls squabble is amongst girls, not ladies, so consider the Holy Trinity as the ones who are way beyond the league of anyone in high school and have already graduated and gone to university, which is, undoubted wayyy better than high school.

The Plastics = Julia Lipnitskaia, Adelina Sotnikova, Elena Radionova

In any case, the *real* plastics are the ones who find themselves at the top of the food chain and at the moment, the ones that fit this description are a trio of Russian ladies, Yulia Lipniskaia, Adelina Sotnikova and Elena Radionova.

With Adelina’s success at the Olympics, she is the real Regina George. Both Julia and Elena have done very well in the senior and junior ranks this season and with Adelina’s success and the retirement of a lot of ladies, it’s likely that the Russian ladies will make quite a splash next season. Or at junior and senior Worlds this year. So forget the American ladies, the ones to look out for next season are the Russians (especially Elena since she has so much star power and technique).

Cady Heron = Gracie Gold

The ingenue seeking to topple the trio at the top and our Cady Heron, would be none other than Gracie Gold. Gracie has shown that she has the technique and resolve but she’ll have to keep working on her consistency and expression to fight her way to the top. Just like how no one knew Cady’s name on the first day, no one felt Gracie was a contender for a medal at the beginning of this season. But then she won U.S. Nationals and everyone started paying attention to her, rather than her teammate, Ashley Wagner.

Janis Ian and Damian Leigh = Lori Nichol and David Wilson

Sure, Tara Lipinski and Johnny Weir have cool things to say when commentating but for Janis and Damien, the creative and awesome types, I’d say that their skating equivalents would be famed choreographers, Lori Nichol and the eccentric David Wilson. Besides, as choreographers, they’re supposed to support you and help you take down your competitors.

Ms. Norbury = Marina Zueva

Marina is a pusher. In the sense that she’s pushed ice dancer further than anyone can imagine in the last Olympic cycle.

The Cool Asians = The Japanese men

Since we’ve established that Mao and Yuna are too cool for this girlish squabble, the Japanese men will have to take their place as the cool Asians. I mean, look at them! They can be a popular boy band if they wanted to!

I guess I’ll give this one to Cosmo. If Adelina’s Regina then Aaron will have to be Yuzuru based on the Olympic result.

Glen Coco = Jason Brown OR Ashley Wagner

Jason Brown does make sense seeing that his LP did go viral, just as the lines about Glen Coco did. But then again, if we’re talking about memes and going viral, Ashley Wagner did that this season too…

Cady’s Parents = Nathalie Pechalaat & Fabian Bourzat

Nathalie and Fabian are at the retirement age and are pretty cool. And nice people. I know that from first-hand experience.

Regina’s Mom = Mae Berenice Meite

Someone who tries to be relevant in the skating world but isn’t quite there…

Mr. Duvall = Whoever you want

Because it’s almost 4 (PST), and they can’t keep you past that time.

Who would be your skating equivalents for the characters of Mean Girls? Tell me in the comments!

I enjoy following politics and sometimes, you can only digest what’s going on in the government with the help of people like Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert and in Canada, Rick Mercer. Mr. Mercer has a great youtube channel where he uploads entire segments of his show and this week, this showed up in my subscriptions page:

In the video, Rick Mercer’s skit touches on a few facets of figure skating that puzzles Olympic viewers and devoted figure skating fans alike. Consequently, I thought I’d go back into a Skating 101 mode and talk about a few of the things that he mentions in the video. For hard-core figure skating fans, you probably know this and if you have anything to add, please share your insights in the comments. For those who aren’t as familiar with these ideas, please read and share! More

If you’re wondering why I haven’t posted as frequently, it’s because I’m taking a little breather. I’ll still write when I have the inclination but I need a little break before Worlds to recharge and produce high quality posts that both you and I will like. Still, there are tons of posts from the past that you might be interested in like my recaps of all the Olympic events:

Thank you guys so much for so many of your insightful comments on the Olympic ladies event post. There were so many good points that I missed while writing this and I hope that you guys keep commenting. I’m thinking of doing a post that will include your comments and a few of my thoughts along with it in the near future. So please, let me know your opinions!

In any case, the point of this post is that something kind of funny happened. I was a little bit bored and a friend of mine was posting links to left and right-brained tests. Even though the theory of left and right-brainedness doesn’t hold up (we use all parts of our brain all the time), personality quizzes are always fun. I decided to take it and lo and behold, I got this result:

Apparently I should be a figure skating judge.

I wonder if Skate Canada would be willing to let me join their ranks considering I don’t believe in nationalism, don’t worship Patrick Chan and don’t think that Sale & Pelletier should’ve won that gold medal.

Just for fun, make up a job description for figure skating judges in the comments box below! Because after that ladies event, I am in need of laughter.

You know, I can accept that Russia won the team event. As someone who prefers Tessa and Scott, I can also accept and celebrate Meryl & Charlie’s win at the Olympics. Adelina Sotnikova’s Olympic gold, however, is the one accolade I refuse to accept and this ridiculousness in judging is an insult to anyone who holds the title of “Olympic Champion.” I am so disgusted with this result that I refuse to cover or watch any more competitions in Russia until this bullshit judging has stopped because if this is how things are going to be judged in Russia, then may no figure skating competition be ever held there ever again. So, if you’re wondering why I haven’t made predictions for the Cup of Russia for the next few seasons, here’s why.

I think all commentators were shocked when Sotnikova won. Kurt Browning said that she was not a complete skater, as did Dick Button. Katarina Witt, former Olympic Champion, has also told the media that she thought Yuna Kim should’ve won and she is joined by a whole host of knowledgeable people in the figure skating world.To also put this whole debacle into perspective, consider this: Sotnikova’s season’s best score before the Olympics was 20 points below her Olympic score. Of course, somehow we have the media trying to rationalize what happened by saying that Adelina had a higher Technical Elements Scores (TES) and while that is true, we have to consider that the TES is only half of the story. In fact, what didn’t make sense in Sotnikova’s scores were her Program Components Scores (PCS). So for those who are still scratching their heads at the result, here are my two cents as well as a general recap of the ladies event in Sochi. More

I apologize for my lack of post on the ladies event. I have the beginnings of it but I need a small break to calm down before I can unleash the disgust on paper coherently. For now, enjoy this new look-alikes post!

As I was watching Pernelle Carron in the free dance the other day, I couldn’t help but think that she resembled someone I’ve seen. My hunch was that it was someone from the Hunger Games. And then it clicked: she looked like Johanna Mason played by Jena Malone.

Pernelle Carron:

Jena Malone as Johanna Mason:

But then, when I was searching for pictures of Pernelle, I found this picture:

And thought that she also looked a little like Heather Morris or the hilarious Brittany S. Pears from Glee.

For once, my Olympic predictions were not so far off but that is the nature of this discipline. In ice dance, it is the subtleties that matter and sometimes mistakes are imperceptible to the average viewer. Here is a recap of sorts of the ice dance event at the Olympics and my two cents. Hopefully this post will help balance things out amid the news reports and angry rants by sportscasters who fully admit to knowing nothing about the sport. More

Anyways, I was wandering the intertubes when I found this! JAL unveiled an airplane with Mao on it sometime before Christmas. In the video, I think Mao said that this was a nice Christmas present. I don’t think she owns the plane but I think she was honoured (and surprised) that her face was on a gigantic airplane. (I believe it’s the 777 model.)

There’s a pop singer there too, Tatsuya Ishii. I have a few of his songs on my iPod. He sounds way better than in this video. So as a treat…

Enjoy~!

Have you seen any ads featuring figure skaters in your country? If so, link me in the comments or via Twitter (@LanternBell).