I'm ready to commit to a serious relationship with a gentleman. Now what?

I'm done wasting my time on guys who don't give af about me or my feelings, and only care about getting what they want and seeing me as a sexual object. The main reason I went for these guys is because they were fun, very good looking and very confident.

I'm done wasting my time on these men. I'm ready to find and commit to someone who will return my feelings and is faithful, honest, etc. But I have no idea where to start. Not only that, I'm worried - will I have to sacrifice the things I find attractive in a man to find a decent one?

Updates:

1mo Moderators, where are you? I asked a simple question and these men are attacking me out of their own prejudices!

1mo 1. I don't what your definition of a hoe is but I don't fit that. I've only dated five men and I've only been with them sexually.

2. I haven't turned down any nice guys because they don't approach me. I don't want to have to wait around for someone to talk to men.

3. I make my own money and go to school, I don't need anyone to do anything for me.

4. To every man that has disrespected me, I'm sorry you've had a shitty life when it comes to dating.

Most Helpful Guy

Wow, you and 10 million other women your age all asking the exact same question.

You have zero right to complain about guys that want a commitment having standards that you no longer fit. You had YOUR standards when you were having fun with the bad boys. They get to have THEIR standards now that they are in charge.

Women hold the key to sex. Men hold the key to commitment.

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1mo

No one is complaining. But I don't tolerate anyone bashing me. And every one of you seems to be missing the fact that I DATED these men. I am not whoring around. Holy crap.

You asked for our advice. If you don't like what you're reading, too bad. Now run back to Chad while he'll still give the time of day. Remember, cupcake, your clock is ticking. Time isn't on your side.

Most Helpful Girl

I think the best thing you can do is focus on yourself for a bit. Find out what really makes you happy. Make that a priority. Once you are on a good kick of doing things for yourself and your happiness, you will stop letting in things that do not make you happy.

For instance, if you meet a guy, and things start off promising, but then he starts mistreating you. Because you now prioritize your happiness, you will cut the cord with this person. No longer tolerate things that make you unhappy.

If a guy starts to be mean to you, or abuse you or you feel unhappy with the situation, then exercise your right to choose what happens in your life and leave. It's not easy, because you will grow attached to some people. But as long as you are trying to make yourself happy, you will eventually find someone who you can work with.

Now, I'm not suggesting leave right at the first site of unhappiness. Hopefully the person is willing to work with you in the relationship. But if they are not, then you need to get out. The important thing is to find out if they are someone who is able to be worked with, or someone who isn't.

What Guys Said 40

This is hilarious! You still want the thugs, but they've all moved on to the younger gals. Now you want some white knite beta bitch to come along and treat you like a queen. And you know full well that you can't respect the kind of guy you're asking for. You want support and security from the beta-cuck while you continue to fuck around with whatever scum you can still attract.

Here's the deal. Women are sexual objects. Women are nothing more than sperm depositories for men. Men can give a damn less about your college degree, if you own your own car, what you do for a living, and whether or not you have your own home. The only value you have is tied to your appearance. It sounds like you have been riding the cockade doodle do carousel since you were 18 (maybe even younger.) You're between the ages of 18-24. Women have a 7 year freshness date from 18-25. They start going downhill at 25, and finally wall out and stall out between 30-35, and then its game over. How many men have you been with and I bet you still want the bed boys running through you. How many good, decent and honorable men did you reject, use for free dinners and humiliate? Women are depreciating assets. Women age like milk and men age like fine wine.

Somehow I doubt that you're done with the bad boys. You love the way they treat you, their handsome, probably work out and make decent money. You also want to trap some beta buck provider drone to pay your bills, clothing and everything else without getting nothing in return. Of course you will ass launch them via divorce for the cash and prizes down the road. You also raised a red flag when you came crying to the moderators and ask them to get rid of all the men who offended you. Its just like a women to go crying to the SIMPS when other men hurt your feelers.

I would suggest that you look for a man in his mid 30 to early 40's to settle down with, and try to trap him in marriage. Good luck with that! I recommend that every young man-especially the nice guys look up "Leykis 101," on youtube and learn the ways of Leykis 101 so they protect themselves from getting used by a women like you and instead use you to get what they want. You might want to thank the feminists and soulless whore c**ts who brainwashed you and created this environment.

@asker you are entitled to your adhominem attack/opinion. Someone says something that does not resonate with pop-morality and adhominem attacks are used to dismiss them. Very typical for western disagreements.

I've experienced, as a 6'2 former college athlete, and successful business man what he's talking about regarding feminine hypergamy both personally and vicariously. I see the statistics that prove feminine entitlement. No amount of shaming, or logical fallacies can change lies into truth nor silence the truth. More and more men will slowly reveal their collective fatigue with women, and their gross entitlement, hypergamy, and unwillingness to sit at the table with men and have real discussions that don't revolve around the dismissal of emotionally uncomfortable material. I'm not even a mgtow and I can see that that movement is collecting more steam everyday; you would have me believe these men are ALL losers when in reality they have very real motivations. Lol keep shaming.

Sorry but I'm friends with enough girls to know that when they say "I'm so done with this kind of guy" it really means:

"This is only the beginning. I WILL make them finally commit to me if it's the last thing I do. They WILL change for me. We're gonna get together, he'll obsess over me after our first night and then we can get married and he'll make a great father just as the stories said he would!"

Good! I'm sorry you were drawn to them, but that seems to be nature! I think attraction is in the sub conscious mind and we are drawn to what is familiar... such as our childhood experiences with parents or impressionable figures, that may include emotional wounds from people around us. It may certainly include the men you chose to date and how sexual you were with them.

But, you've decided to change your mind and that is the first step to anything. So you have to ask why you were drawn to them in the first place... what was going on inside of you to be attracted. The problem is when you go on a date with a nice sweet guy (or whatever..) but he isn' tputting off a confident strong vibe... are you gonna be attracted? do you have to push yourself to be attracted to him? That is the challenge we ALL face in selecting someone.

I assume you were not real sexual with these guys, you just realized they were users. If you were, I wouldn't broadcast that.

What I would do is get to knoew some different types of men, ones you weren't dating before. There are confident guys who are not users, but you have to pick your way through them to find them. I know nice guys (my age) who don't have GF's, so guys are around.

Yes... you will have to exchange characteristics. If you want a guy that isn't just going to use you (e. g. selfish, narcissistic), then you have to put up with a guy being nice, considerative, possibly introverted, maybe not as much of a leader or as controlling.

I don't know your psychology, but that is what you need to figure out. Going to a counselor for me helped a lot to get a view of myself I didn't see (my flaws... why I was drawn to the same type of screwed up female... and were all screwed up, just differently).

A) date guys that are differentB) consider investing in counseling if you can find a good oneC) learn about your psychology, what is driving your thinking, who impacted your life.D) read mars and venus on a date... try to glean some wisdom from thatE) Watch players pick up girls... so you know what to look forF) ther'es always an F, but I'm out of ammo at the moment. G) Go to church, learn about the LOVE of God, build a base of love. When you take on that energy, you cast a different presence.H) Build your confidence and self esteem, guys who are healthy love that.

Since so many guys are attacking you and calling you names, based on assumptions they have made, perhaps you should clarify things and tell us your number.

Whatever that number is, there are men and women who know that people learn from their mistakes and they judge your character on the basis of your present behavior and not your past behavior. I expect that some of these MGTOW guys will attack me for this statement, but I don't care what they say because I am confident in my masculinity.

You need to think carefully about the kind of guy who you hope to attract. What kind of places would those guys go to that you could meet them? Church? Political organizations? Community activities? College classes? You simply need to put yourself in the right place and then make sure that you appear approachable.

@Mysological If you attended a Christian church, you would know that we are all guilty of sin and all sins are equal. A person need not be free of sin to be a Christian; if that were the case, there would be no Christians. My church is filled with sinners as are all other churches. Christians are merely people who understand that there are higher goals to which we should aspire every day.

No, of course not. We're out there, guys who actually pride themselves for being gentlemen. Don't forget this social media culture brings out the bad in many. Especially in your age group. I've had conversations with many good dudes who are afraid to use the gentlemanly nature they were raised with in fear of offending many gals.. It sucks. I pay, open doors, stand up when you come to the table. I even know the proper way to eat soup. Lol! Don't settle for less.

Being a gentlemen is a fools errand in this day and age. American women don't deserve that type of treatment and consider it a sign of weakness. They like being treated like crap. Most American girls in her age group are only good for pumping and dumping between the ages of 18-25 and then after that they are spoiled milk and stretched out underwear.

If he believes that what most girls are good for he doesn't need to associate with any woman. That was probably his mother back in her day. Or he sounds like he's been through some things and is just bitter.

Yeah, I know you guys are out there, but I also know men don't want to be like simply because of what feminism has become so finding one of you is like picking through a haystack. Girls who get offended by that stuff really need to get a grip.

I know it's usually futile to ask a woman to look past her overblown sense of entitlement nowadays, but I'm going to invite you to look at things from our perspective. Why should a good man, a man who did everything right, a man who made something of himself, be expected to settle for a used up slut just because you say you're ready for him to? Also, would you ever be able to respect such a man, a man who pays for something all those "bad boys" got for free? That's a huge insult to us. Face it, actions have consequences. Enjoy your cats

They never seem to get what you just said. Because, she's awesome and stuff, a really great catch or something like that. As I explained to her, a high value man can attract high value women. And high value women don't have a large partner count. A lot of women these days think that having had multiple partners makes them attractive as a spouse, which is utterly false. It makes them attractive as a fuck buddy, but nothing more.

Who do you want to attract? This is the question I ask myself when dating: if I were a girl, would I date me? If the answer is no, then figure out how to become that person - not only will you attract quality men, but you will scare away the shallow losers. This isn't a trade off - it's an improvement - from who you were (attracting/attracted to) to who you want to (be/attract). It isn't about sacrifice either, because there are plenty of confident, handsome men out there who's standards prohibit them from considering any girl they deem shallow. Be honest, be sincere, and treat guys the way you want to be treated. Hope this makes sense. Don't give up - you deserve better than those guys you've dated so far, and the fact that you're asking these questions proves that you are a caliber above them anyways.

Youve made mistakes (you "wasted your time" with bad boys... that's a mistake) and mistakes have consequences. Now you will wait and hope that a good looking, kind hearted man, who earns a good living will notice you, appreciate you, and not feel badly when he understands or gains knowledge that (most likely) more muscular, tougher men, with greater sexual endowments used to have sex with you. Understand: a kind, good looking, in shape guy (even one with great sexual endowment) is most likely not going to want to settle down with a lady that chose to have sex with bad boys in her past... because he doesn't have to. Life isn't a movie; He is attractive to many women and will therefore not have to compromise his standards much (and every desirable man has standards). As men are not entitled to a woman's sex, women are not entitled to a good man's commitment.

It doesn't make you a bad person or a bad lady or a hoe because you desired the big "bad boy" archetype, but a lot of guys will hold this against you and that's the God's honest truth. No guy wants to feel like he's second place, or a consolation prize. You can say whatever you want: that he wouldn't be second place, that masculinity is fragile... the reality is that if you really found "nice" men the most viscerally attractive then you would have picked them initially, but they weren't so you tried several bad boys who were attractive to you; women are the sexual choosers not men. You are allowed to believe whatever you want mam, but the hard truth is that men care about a woman's sexual history a lot, and will judge women for it. The only men who won't care are most typically men who have... limited options, are physically unattractive and reliant on being agreeable to attract women. Whether anyone likes it or not, the more men a woman sleeps with, and the worse character of men the woman chooses to sleep with the less desirable that woman becomes to men. Maybe it's not fair but that's life.

I don't know what qualities you look for in a man besides fun, confident and whatever is physically attractive to you but fun and confident are certainly not qualities exclusive to selfish men. If you keep going for the same "type" that appeals to you and you're getting the same results you might try making that "sacrifice". You just might find that it doesn't turn out to be a sacrifice at all. Someone's attractiveness to us can be drastically changed by how we feel about them as a person.

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1mo

I like a guy that goes for what he wants. He stands up for himself. He stands by what he believes in. Mentally strong. Someone who is very masculine. Someone who is punctual, considerate and kind.

And physical attraction is important for me. I can think someone is cute but if I'm not attracted to them from the start, personally it won't develop over time.

I know a guy just like that but he says he has opted out of dating completely. I've seen women throw themselves at him, ask him for his number and he doesn't bother. I notice him checking them out or flirting but he says that there is no point because there is too much promiscuity. He seems to be one of those good looking nice guys, goes to the gym, is polite, doesn't take any crap etc.

Come to think about it, I know a bunch of other nice guys that seem to prefer being single.

It's good that you are at the point where you want more then just sex from a guy most important thing now is to find some who will take you for who you are, some one who you can laugh with spend time with doing other things then just in bed some one you feel comfortable around and some one who can understand your feelings. It's not hard finding that genuine guy. Good luck

In a comment chain, you said "The men I find attractive aren't the best type of men."

The bad part here, is that according to some of your own words even if you found a nice guy you'd be settling. Which means you, he, or both would ultimately be unhappy. Nice guys, much like nice girls, are everywhere. The world is flooded with them. Some women (and men) just genuinely at their core don't want a nice partner, but someone that is more "interesting". If you're not attracted to the "nice" type though, they fly under the radar. And if you have to force yourself to see them or have to seek them out through other means, it really is doomed from the jump. No one can be happy settling, no guy (or girl) wants to be the one someone else "settles" for.

And as for the sexual comments - if a guy isn't nice, if he doesn't treat you well - why the fuck would you have sex with them? If you date a guy and he gets impatient or upset about waiting a while, he's not a "nice guy". And if you yourself can't wait a while, again that's more along the lines of your problem. Your recipe seems to be all wrong. You are attracted to guys who are "not the best" - you say you're treated badly and they don't give a fuck, but you've still been with them sexually. And if they can get sex, why bother with anything else? That's how they think, anyway. If you want to find someone that cares about you, someone "nice", you need to change your entire recipe. The type of guys you're into, the fact that you have been sexual with guys you admit are not good guys, all of it. Nice guys (and girls) are not attracted to members of the opposite sex that they sense are settling, or who come off as being easy. If you don't seem fully interested in them and getting you in bed isn't a challenge, that spells doom for the future in their mind and they'll be put off. Not criticizing your number, just saying your whole method appears to be flawed. Well, if you want a nice, caring monogamous type of guy. I realize you said only 5 guys and that you dated them all. But again, if they were not "good guys" and you still slept with them, it implies that getting with you in that sense is not hard at all, you're out for "fun" more than anything serious, or that you have issues with self control (meaning you can't wait, or they can't and you give in too easily. Both of which are MASSIVE turn offs to the "nice" types).

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1mo

They were nice in the beginning, didn't become assholes until later. But thank you for the input that's really something to think about.

I want to change what I'm attracted to. I do. If that means shifting my whole perspective than I will. There are just certain qualities of the men I've dated that I've found attractive. The confidence, knowing what they want, sticking up for themselves, firm in their beliefs. Those are what I noticed before they're true selves came out and that's what drew me in. And in the beginning they were kind to me. It wasn't until later I saw everything clearly or they did some fucked up shit

"They were nice in the beginning, didn't become assholes until later." Two explanations for this: either you turned them into assholes, or they were assholes all along and you either didn't notice or chose to ignore the signs.

Let me ask you this: what were your close friends and family's initial reaction about your exciting guys when they met them? Did they A), like you, think they were great guys initially? Or did they B) offer no opinion or something noncommittal? Or did they C) say something like "you can do a lot better" or "what do you see in them?" Or D) did you not introduce your close friends and relatives to them?

If A) then all your past guys are sociopaths.If B) then your friends and family saw them for what they are but didn't want to hurt your feelings or butt into your romantic life.If C) then your friends and family were looking out for you and obviously saw something that you plainly cannot see until much too late.If D) then you knew all along they were assholes.

I have a friend like your mom. He has a daughter. She married a guy that her parents plainly did not like but they held their tongues because it was her choice. Well the husband ended up cheating on her and they divorce. Only then did they voice their displeasure with him, to which the daughter replied, "why didn't you say anything earlier?"

oh so you expect to snap your fingers and get what you want? Time to realize your bad decisions will haunt you for longer than you've ever considered. Good luck.

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2mo

No one said that. Yeah I have made some poor choices in the men I was dating but that does not mean it's going to rule me out of dating for a long time.

Time to realize that people make mistakes especially when they're young and don't know what they want. I've grown and matured and that's what matters. I could see if I didn't learn from my mistakes but really? No need to be so close minded. I realize building a good and healthy relationship takes work. I never said it was easy, I asked where do I start.

@AFBBucks keyword sweetie, some. Some people do make bad choices and they learned. All I did was make poor choices in dating men. Now I'm learning. And you're teaching me the other type of man to avoid dating is the one who holds himself on a pedastool and thinks any woman who had a bad relationship is a slut, like yourself. Thank you for showing me!

You seem to forget that there are consequences for "bad choices". I have news for you. The past doesn't stay in the past. It comes back to haunt you. They fact that the "gentlemen" you suddenly want are repulsed by your past is proof of that. You can stamp your feet and scream "that's not fair", but that's reality cupcake.

Tke it easy and don't try to hard. When the time is right, your soulmate will find you. But please, don't get back to your old ways. Focus on something that will put you on your feet till the right man comes.

That being said - having had a "meeting guys who saw me as a sexual object - but it was fun"-past will definitely limit your chances.

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2mo

I don't think it will. It doesn't limit choices for men so I won't let that limit anything for me. I'm a woman that likes to have fun but made poor choices in the men I decided to associate with. If they decide to judge me on that and ignore. ym growth and maturity as an individual, as well as the person I am, then they have limited themselves.

What YOU think limits you or not is completely irrelevant to what guys think. Just because you don't think it will not limit you, doesn't mean that it wil not.

Frankly speaking, if I, as a guy who is only dating a girl to eventually find something serious, have the choice between two girls where one has the same mindset as me and the other had "fun" (=slept around) and now had enough fun and wants to settle down - who do you think I will choose?

And this is what most of those men who seek for commitment will think like. So yes, it is a limitation for you.

I never said the world revolved around me. And I could see cheating on someone, being a liar, etc could lead to consequences, but not having poor dating choices. A lot of people do. I think you need to get off your high horse and accept the fact that not everyone has a perfect dating experience.

Nothing to do with high horse, but with preferences. There is a clear cut difference between having not had the greates dating choices and just having had fun sleeping around and now wanting to settle.

The later means two things:

1. Me and the girl have very different views on sexuality and sex itself. While for me it is an expression of intimacy, affection and passion - for her it clearly was either physically based and/or a means to keep a guy. Both are things I will not deal with. And considering the replies in this ask you are sure to see that it isn't just me.

2. It implies that she had her fun and now just wants a safe bet to settle with after having lived out her own selfish needs.

I actually dated these guys. Is having sex with them really that bad? I can see the difference there but that doesn't mean I'm going to be facing consequences for the rest of my life.

If you read my replies, I'm not looking for anyone to settle safely with, nor do I want that. That's just wrong. You assumed that about me, you didn't ask. I'm actually looking for love, for someone I connect with etc. You also assume I'm selfish. For what, dating men I thought were fun and we're a joy (in the beginning) to be around? No not at all.

I didn't pick these men just for sex. Or just to live my youth. Once again, these men intrigued me and I actually dates them. I'm not out here whoring around like you think I am.

I know what you're saying and it's not true. You may have seen that with women you have come across but that does NOT mean all women say that. I had fun with these men means... I had fun. We went out and did things together. One of the men I dated taught me to drive. We went to arcades, did random things in the middle of the day or late at night. All of that = fun. That's what I mean.

When looking for something serious and comitted - looks become less important. Sure, she should be decently attractive to this individual guy - but she doesn't need to be a sexbomb. Actually quite the opposite, a girl who dresses to provocatively usually gets downgraded for longterm comittment, because of the implications that her dressing-style has.

Other than that things like loyalty, being on the same wavelength, being chill (and not some annoying dramaqueen making a scene out of every frogfart), being capable of respecting his different hobbies/interests which he should do as well for her, passion for him, being made to feel he is the one she settles for and not just the biggest monetary benefit, etc.

Also it greatly depends on where you look. If you are on the search in a bar or club, this will drastically decrease your chances. Even if you found a guy there who just happens to be there with friends, but is only interested in serious relationships, it might still be an issue

Depends on what you mean with sexy. Sexy as in sexually arousing or just synonymous for attractive?

What I mean is plain and simply being attractive. Frankly speaking, basic foundation of physical attraction is necessary - but becoming intimate and close with each other will definitely improve that attraction further.

It's a numbers game and those guys know it so they approach more easily - and do compromise while doing so - for getting laid and such.

On the other hand guys only looking for serious relationships tend to have the issue to not approach enough and thus lacking experience with it and have a sense of feeling insecure about it. Our current state of society that puts a huge emphasis on guys doing possible missteps which instantly means "sexual harassment" isn't exactly helping with that.

That's not meant as an excuse, because I still think a guy should approach - but it gives you a bit of understanding for where it comes from.

I understand that. Knowing how much pressure there is I would want to approach a guy just to take some of it away. And I feel many women are very sensitive and just throwing around that phrase. There's a difference between a an trying to strike up a conversation and someone actually harassing them. It makes people not even want to do it.

Certainly is. I remember reading the study about 1in5 girls in college getting sexually harassed. The researchers considered a guy attempting to kiss - but being refused (and accepting that) as sexual harassment. I would consider that clumsy and potentially awkward, but it shows how some girls and women think about it.

That being said, you approaching is fine - but you could also definitely make yourself approachable. Aka if there is a guy of interest, eye-contact, smile, open body language, not being surrounded by friends is generally a good way to invite someone.

@AFBBucks It does. And it also depends on how you grow as a person. I'm 21 and realizing the mistakes I've made early. So yeah. My past shows I made poor choices but the things I do now, that's going into the past now, shows that I'm growing into a mature young lady that's making better decisions.

If you have all the answers, then why are you here asking? Go ahead and find your beta bucks, what are you waiting for? Are you hoping to tame a bad boy and turn him into gentleman? Won't happen sweet heart.

I'm the kind of person that rarely finds someone they like, but when i do, i like them a lot and for a long time.- I had a crush on a girl for 6 years before i plucked up the courage to ask her out. She said we should just be friends (like we had been for the prior 7 years) and we are still great friends now, which is cool i guess. - After about 2 years of not liking anyone, i started to like this girl i walked home with. A month in or two, i'd ask her out and be told the same. Lets just be friends.- I was friends with this other girl during that time but we started to talk a lot more after that. I ended up liking her a lot and eventually asked her out and she kindly laughed in my face like "hahaha can't even take you seriously right now" and i used my jokerish sense of humour to cover up the pain of that one and sort've laughed along like "haha yeah..." But later asked her again and she said we should just be friends. (Keeping in mind, i used to hang out with these girls a lot, it wasn't asked out of the blue, i just felt like i needed to know that i liked their character, otherwise what's the point really?) So i go two more years without seeing anyone that peaks my interest. One day at work, there's this girl who'd been there for only like two weeks, and i found her attractive but i didn't know her, so i didn't like her, but i made a bit of banter in the breakroom to be polite. Later that day she adds me on facebook. I ask if she wants to hang out. So we do, later that week. I'm now on a date (closer than i had been with people i really liked in the past) with a person i cared nothing for at all. I walked into that date like i didn't care, because i didn't. Eventually after a month or so of dates and hanging out and chilling at home with her, i had really strong feelings for her. (I mean she was my first kiss, sober at least, i usually don't have the confidence. I kissed her on the first date when i didn't care about her, because i didn't care how she'd react) Anyway, after i'd basically fallen for her character, i ask her to be with me officially. She said she just wanted to be friends, which confused me after the makeout sessions and intimate nights. Two weeks later she announces her relationship status on facebook. She's been with him for a week. He's a bad boy, tattoos up his arm, drives an expensive car, drifts, speeds, drives drunk, smokes weed, has lots of mates.

I dont know how to help you but i know i'm sick of it too. Thats from my view

So I have read your story and it was fun to read, I mean for me, not the situation itself anyway. I have noticed a pattern in your behaviour when you date, you are basically entering a friend zone because you are befriending them and that would sums it up in your case. When they become friends with you, it's basically automatic friend zone.

The thing is what most guys do is that if they like the girl they see appearance wisely they automatically try to level it up and automatically go on a date with them and most girls would allow for such behaviour and give you a chance to see how it would go.

Also if you don't give a damn in a positive way girls would think "ohh, I might give him a chance as he might have more girls in his dating queue." That is if she likes you enough. You can observe this behaviour from the encounter you had with your last girl aka a girl who went for a bad boy.

I would say you should step up a game and do what others do, see a girl you like? Ask for a way to communicate either via social networking website, Kik, number whatever and give it up to a week and try to ask her out. I'm not in any way an expert but I have done something similar with my now ex and it worked.

most girls are suckers for a wild boy and everyday we get a question like this, like cmon do you have a brain? You wanted the attention of a wild guys so you have it and now you are complaining? O_o...

You could be hot and nice or hot and a bellend, it dosent matter, girls will always go for the hot guy regardless of his personality everytime over a guy who dosent look quite as good but is a better person inside.

@SpinningDude69 lol, not just that. Even being a bit aloof and ignoring them seems to have them following you around. There was this cute girl I was interested in but she annoyed me one day so I didn't bother engaging as much.

Before I knew it, she was following me around every time I went to get a drink of water. This went on for about 2 weeks. She'd jump in front of me blocking my pathway to get some attention. In the mean time, all of the guys engaging with her, complimenting her etc were pretty much ignored.

@Riggers You could be hot and nice or hot and a bellend, it dosent matter, girls will always go for the hot guy regardless of his personality everytime over a guy who dosent look quite as good but is a better person inside.

Then I wonder how do girls perceive a guy as hot? I mean, if I look for a guy I can't tell if he's hot or not, I think most of the guys looks average.

P. S FYI I'm not gay, that was just example :P

Tho, doesn't girls go for personality more? What you have just said is mostly true for guys as we like to have a visual beauty but as they say, beauty is in an eye of beheldor or something like that.

@Truthatanycost wow, to me it looks desperate to be honest with you. If some shit like that happened to me, I would just say "Can You Move OF My Way Please?" then if she still stood there, I would just past that crazy chick or move her to the side so I can freely move. I mean, some girls just don't understand a word "No" because they think that they can get away with all kinds of bullshit just because they are hot, like no bitch, you can't. Also, there always be someone who says "No" and would ignore her anyway.

Well, when it comes to the guys who complement her and she's still after you even tho you are not interested, that means if you don't work out with her which will definitely happen because you are not interested then she will use one of those guys simply for a rebound. It's really easy as that in my opinion.

P. S Did the girl who you were not interested in finally moved on or is she still daydreaming about you?

@SpinningDude69 I forgot to mention, the girl already had a boyfriend that she had been seeing for about 5 years. She was very vague and reluctant to admit this when I first showed interest. The turning up every time I went to get a drink of water was what went on for 2 weeks but stopped, the path blocking thing only happened once.

Nowadays she is still with the boyfriend but every now and then, I see her staring at me like she's day dreaming. I bet her boyfriend thinks she is the most loyal girl on the planet.

I stay away from disloyal girls and would have much more respect for one that acted like she had a boyfriend and did not be evasive about it.

This is why guys need to stop being so easy. Her boyfriend is dating a girl that is not girlfriend material, but he has no idea because he did not hold her to any standards other than her just being cute and having the desired anatomy. Most women have a long list of requirements, guys should do similar or at least have some standards and make them qualify.

@Truthatanycost This is why guys need to stop being so easy. Her boyfriend is dating a girl that is not girlfriend material, but he has no idea because he did not hold her to any standards other than her just being cute and having the desired anatomy. Most women have a long list of requirements, guys should do similar or at least have some standards and make them qualify.

You can't call a guys who are completely clueless about girls easy. Also if two players gets together then after some time the relationship becomes a playing joke really. The opposite can happen but it's really rare.

When it comes down to requirements while dating, I have noticed that many guys are able to sacrifice them requirements just so they can get into a relationship where girls don't give a shit about who or what the guy is and if he doesn't meet their requirements they just cross them over and move to another guy.

I think you can see the pattern here. In other words you can say girls are are more persistent in what they want and won't let go of their requirements when it comes down to dating.

No, thanks, I would rather date an average looking girl than a girl who is dishonest and not not loyal at all. If something like that would happen to me I wouldn't even think of it and broke up with her on the spot, like wtf is the point of being with you if you will cheat later or sooner?

@SpinningDude69 That's just it though, most guys have no idea their girl is disloyal and I'd go as far as saying, they sometimes don't know either. In her mind, she is loyal and a good girlfriend but all of that is momentarily forgotten when a guy comes a long that pushes all of the right buttons.

Ever notice the language women often use online when talking about cheating or even when they are single and meet a guy? They say stuff like ''we ended up doing...'' ''things just happened'' ''he slept with me'' or ''one thing led to another''

All of that language sounds like they are not taking responsibility for their actions or maybe it is because they are led by emotion rather than logic.

The way I see it is, almost all girls under the right environment, circumstances, location, emotion or other variables are liable to cheat or test the water.

One girl that asked me out some time ago said she was single but it turned out she had a boyfriend in another town. I figured this out and rejected her.

@Truthatanycost That's just it though, most guys have no idea their girl is disloyal and I'd go as far as saying, they sometimes don't know either. In her mind, she is loyal and a good girlfriend but all of that is momentarily forgotten when a guy comes a long that pushes all of the right buttons.

Well, with me you have got one chance and if you fuck up, it's end, I don't give a fuck if it was just a kiss, I mean she shouldn't exchange salvia with someone else to begin with. I pretty much don't like when people are unfaithful and at the end they expect me to even forgive them, a good joke mate this is.

What do yo mean by pushes all of the right buttons. ? Is it like a sexual teasing or something like that?

@Truthatanycost Ever notice the language women often use online when talking about cheating or even when they are single and meet a guy? They say stuff like ''we ended up doing...'' ''things just happened'' ''he slept with me'' or ''one thing led to another''

It's either lack of responsibility or moment of heat and they go all the way. Everyone from time to time like some fun especially when you are single.

One girl that asked me out some time ago said she was single but it turned out she had a boyfriend in another town. I figured this out and rejected her.

@SpinningDude69 The 4th point of the OP illustrates an inability to understand that a man can come to a conclusion based purely on logic and does not need to have had a bad experience. She does not get that because she is coming from a place of emotion.

How did I find out the girl already had a bf?

Luckily she had a big mouth and talked to others about him. The best thing to do is to be patient, observe and listen though. What you need to know often shows itself.

There was another girl I was really interested in so I sat back and watched. Then one day i found out that she used to get drunk every weekend and have unprotected sex with a man that used to sleep around a lot. I was able to confirm this was not just a rumor too.

I crossed her right of my list, now she is a single Mom.

Sometimes it's as simple as noticing she is wearing a wedding ring while hitting on you though.

Why would a good man be willing to settle with a woman who was no different from someone in Brothels.. There are many worthy male n female in the world.. No one is perfect but not everyone is a whore lmao

No.. you don't have to sacrifice anything specifically. Thier out there believe me. Men who like mgtow will have you believe differently. Aside of all the rebellion , there are some good ones still out there tho. My advise to you tho is if you find such a guy you better hook up quickly and don't mess up with him or your next time might be awhile. Now days these type of relationship guys are'nt playing any games and thier quite serious about thier commitments and about yours also.

@SpinningDude69 Well... most of these types of guys are business men or guys with huge careeers or status types that are in the market for younger females , although thier quite serious about thier commitments towards a new female companion. And they just are not the game playing type.

You're doomed. If you force yourself to settle and marry a "nice guy" your marriage will end in disaster, most likely because you will eventually find him repugnant and will probably cheat on him with one of those bad boys you just can't seem to resist.

I realized it to late and made myself look like a fool. 95% of the posts were like this and it got to me.

I like a strong and confident man. One that makes me feel protected. After some experience now I'm looking for a man that's also kind, respectful, has patience with me, accepts that I've made some mistakes. Someone who is punctual. Does the things he says he will. Is working towards his goals. Respects his elders and family. Loyalty and honesty are also my main two things I look for.

None of those things are inconsistent with being a gentleman. The $64,000 question is do you *really* find those attributes attractive, or are those the attributes you think you *should* find attractive?

Well, those are all good places. If you're religious you could try church. Hang out in museums, go to conferences (except sales conferences) go to symposia for the sciences. The key things are:1) Get out - the more men you meet, the better your chances.2) Stay away from areas where players congregate - bars, clubs, etc.3) Date as much as possible, even if he's not attractive, it's still a learning experience.4) Consider men that you would have otherwise dismissed. Too young, too old, too fat, too thin, "wrong" race, etc. Going on a date may expose you to men you WILL find attractive.5) Remember - it's a *numbers* game. Get your numbers up.

I don't know why so many guys were being harsh to you. You seem like a woman who knows what she wants and there's nothing wrong with that, I would happily date you, even if you had had sex with 100 men more attractive than me.

What Girls Said 11

Begin a Nice Friendship is Step One, Hun.Nurse and Nurture Something that could be Special, and always go Slow with Joe.Hope you don't Mind some Advice from the Master. However, a few years ago, I was Asked to be a Mod but was Never Into it.Good luck. xx

I gotta say, I'm really disappointed in the responses on here. A person wants to change their ways and have a decent relationship and people are basically telling her that because she had fun while she was young that it will never happen? Oh, get over yourselves. Men do this shit all the time and can find love and women to forgive them so why would it be any different here?

All I can say it don't give in so easily to guys and actually figure out what you want first, even if that means making a list. Honestly, stay out of dating and sex for a while.

Seriously, I just wanted some real advice and only got a few decent responses on here. Everyone else has just attacked me and I don't understand why. I've only dated five men. It's not even a big deal. I know these people are trolls and none of it is true but I can't even get the comments removed.

@StickStickity13 It's just another double standard men have but won't admit to is my point. Men run around when they are young and sleep around and it's called having fun and women need to accept that's just something men do. Women do it and we're sluts and will have hard times finding the right man because of it. It's not a truth, it's just a double standard is all. And even if you believed it to be a truth, there's no reason to be a jackass about it.

Whoa whoa slow down cinderella! Maybe the problem is you. Do you even know what you want? Do you understand why you fell for idiots? Do ya? I think you need to grow up and learn more about what a healthy relationship. I suggest you don't look for a relationship instead work on you.

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2mo

I've done my reflecting and I'm aware of what's been going on with me. I have some issues regarding my fathers, how they treated me and treated my mother and learned that subconsciously influenced the men I went for. The exhibited all the same negative traits yet I ignored them because I thought things were normal yet they weren't. I also did not look at the right examples for good influences. Most of my family and friends have been in very bad relationships and I had to actively search for healthy relationships to learn what was right and wrong. The confidence in myself and learning to do what was right for me also needed work.

I haven't been with anyone in months and haven't actively sought out anything either. I have been working on me. I'm in school, have hobbies, I work , and spend time with family. I'm pretty independent. I don't need someone and that's not why I'm now interested in looking for someone. I want someone, the right someone, to commit and fall in love with.

Again slow down! What your asking is the impossible. Guys that are like that are rare esp at our age. But I assume you might as well start hunting for guys you could possible like. Like join a dance club or art class and meet guys through that way. You got dig to find the right one.

Finding and falling in love is impossible? I'm not in a rush, but I do want to start putting myself out to attract the right man to me. I've already figured that most guys our age aren't interested in something serious. I'm not opposed to dating older men.

Stay true to yourself. You don't need to give up your principles for them. They ask to date you, so they need to qualify. If they don't meet your standards, and I mean the very basics of what your looking for in a partner, break it off. They can't wait for sex? Break it off. Don't respect you overall nor your feelings and emotions? Boundaries being crossed? End it. PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN.

But this whole thing about them being fun, good looking and confidence is subjective. Sure you may had fun. But what kind of fun that it has you fed up? Obviously it was mainly the lust and sex. Physical attraction should be the very last thing on your mind when looking for a mate. Confidence is good. But their is also those guys who are boastful and prideful as well. Those were the ones you were dealing with. So you need to slow down, take a major break. Observe their behavior and body language. Watch for how they react to everything in their lives.

How he treats people, his family, friends, siblings, children, parents, the elderly, his superiors, even animals, etc. Especially animals and children. They are a dead give away besides ones elders and parents. You don't want a animal or children hater if your not one yourself. And if you look at honoring your parents as important, you better look at that too. Check everything. That includes job prospect, education goals, morals, beliefs, faiths, value systems and standards. He he religious, believe in God or not. How does he treats others who is not like him? Does he want children? His views on marriage, and premarital sex? All these things and whatever else needs to be considered before you become official. And then hopefully somebody will cross paths with you, and all you have to do is either say yes or no.

Good luck with that haha. Also, just a heads up-dating someone a little bit plain/less attractive because you think he will be more likely to stick around-doesn't work. The guy will think 'ooh if I can date this hot babe then I can date an even hotter one' and mess you around just the same as the rest. So don't settle for someone that is unattractive to you.

ummm just so you know when a man reaches his pinnacle point in his life he stays there do you know why he stays there it's because men are satisfied it's women that ain't satisfied so nice try on that one and by the way you don't tell her what she wants in her life

I think you need to find a little older man. Someone who has his sh*t together and can focus on a woman. Go to places where older guys go. Have dinner at the bar. Stay out of the clubs and places boys go to get drunk. Establish habits like going to the same place for coffee in the morning hours.

You have to focus on the person more than the superficial qualities- looks, how cool they are, who their friends are. Find someone who is willing to be your friend and listen to your problems, cares about you, and is nice to you. At your age the guys are still a little young to want commitment, so be open to dating an older guy who will treat you well.

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1mo

Use the search function on this site and look for keywords like "bad boys" , "hit the wall", "mgtow", etc. Read the guys' mytakes and opinions and you'll understand why you're getting responses you don't like.