Insights into the world of divorce and family law matters

October 31, 2007

Question: I recently got a divorce
and we settled everything amicably, from our finances to property. The
one thing we are still fighting over is our little dog. She was mine to
begin with. I had her before we met, so I feel the dog is mine.
However, my ex-wife is planning to sue me over this dog. She has become
very attached to the dog and has demanded we share custody of it as if
it was a child. I told her that was the stupidest thing I had ever
heard and she became very angry. I think it’s just a ploy to still be
in my life somehow. I would be hurt if I had to give up the dog, but
it’s getting ridiculous. What should I do?

Answer: First off, the dog is yours. If
you had the dog before coming into the relationship, then it is yours.
I’m not saying your ex-wife doesn’t love the dog as much as you, but if
she sues, I can’t imagine she would be awarded the dog. I think it is a
lot more than just the dog.

I think you are correct in saying that it
is still a ploy to stay in your life. I don’t know your ex-wife, but
now that all the finances and property are figured out, it seems this
is the last thing she can hold on to stay in your life. Divorces are
often messy situations, and I’m sorry you have to go through this.

As advice, I would suggest asking your
ex-wife what the real problem is behind this situation. Maybe once you
get the underlying problem out in the open, you can get past fighting
about the dog. Really, though, there is no fight. The dog is yours.

Another answer: I agree, it’s your dog, and you
should have it. But pets become an integral part of life and sharing
them after a divorce as you would a child is not as silly as it sounds.
If you Google “pets and divorce laws,” you’ll see a number of states
grappling with this issue.

Most laws treat pets as property, but some courts have set up parenting plans for pets, which would include custody visits.

I think all pet lovers realize that animals
can be much more than property, and that’s why you’re in this position.
I’m deducing from your question that the two of you have no children.
Childless couples will have more attachment to pets.

If everything was amicable, you and your ex
probably didn’t use lawyers, but you may have to get one to take
custody of your dog. Not knowing the specifics of your case, I’m not
sure whether your wife is using the dog to stay close to you or if she
just loves the dog. You can try talking to her, as Lynelle suggests,
but it seems like she’s in no mood to communicate with you.

If the dog is important to you, you might
have to settle the matter legally. Despite your wife’s attachment to
the animal, your attachment goes back before you met her so she would
need an extreme argument (such as documented pet abuse) to take the dog
from you.

October 29, 2007

IN mid-August, Dominic Thomas, 35, of Atlanta, sent an e-mail message to more than 100 people to announce his divorce.

“I am writing with the relieving yet not quite joyous news that I am
finally divorced as of the judge’s signature at 6 p.m. last Thursday,”
it read.

With so many couples on the splits these days, the
stigma of divorce is wearing off and the newly single are increasingly
publicly pronouncing their breakups.

While the president of
France and the mayors of some big American cities have the ability to
announce their marital status with microphones and news releases,
others may announce their divorces more simply: with mass e-mailings.
There are also printed divorce cards for those who prefer a formal
approach. Stationers can even create personalized announcements that
look and read like their sister card — the wedding announcement.

The
two-and-a-half page message Mr. Thomas sent detailed his appreciation
of the emotional support he received during the two-year-long custody
battle over his son; his estimate of how much the legal process cost
him and his former wife; and the finer points of the custody
arrangement.

Mr. Thomas, an assistant professor at Emory, said
he wrote his announcement because: “I’m reclaiming my life as it is.
Letting people know about it. I don’t want it to be a taboo subject.”
It also “helped in the healing process,” he added.

Andrew
Cherlin, a sociologist who specializes in the study of American
families at Johns Hopkins, said nearly half of all marriages end in
divorce.

Mr. Cherlin said divorce announcements are something you wouldn’t have seen two generations ago.

“It would have been like announcing an out-of-wedlock pregnancy,”
he said. “The fact that people aren’t embarrassed to send out a divorce
announcement tells you how routinized divorce has become.”

But
writer beware: The latest edition of “Emily Post’s Etiquette” states
that “announcements can backfire, making the celebrant appear
cold-hearted and insensitive.”

Peter Post, a great-grandson of
Emily Post and the author of “Essential Manners for Couples,” (Collins,
2005) said, “It’s certainly nicer to inform by talking face to face” or
by using the telephone. “Terms of the settlement are not to be
announced to the whole world — it’s a private matter,” he said. “Why
cause more ill will than necessary?”

More than a dozen friends
responded to Mr. Thomas’s message. Replies ranged from the raucous
(“YeeeHaaa!!”) to the emotional (“The news of your divorce was really
disheartening and saddening”) to the practical (“That much debt will
keep your nose to the grindstone for a long time”).

Robert Olen Butler, a Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist and a professor at Florida State, wrote what became a very publicized break-up announcement this summer.

After his wife of 12 years, the author Elizabeth Dewberry, left him for Ted Turner,
Mr. Butler sent an e-mail message in July to a few faculty members and
graduate students explaining the split in much detail. “Rumors will
soon be swirling around the department, so I want to tell the full and
nuanced story,” he wrote. “This sort of thing can get wildly distorted
pretty quickly.”

The e-mail caused a tizzy when it was immediately forwarded and circulated on Gawker, the media gossip Web site.

Beyond the emotional and etiquette minefields that accompany such e-mail announcements, there may be legal ramifications.

“E-mail
announcements could adversely affect a judge’s decision in a custody
battle,” said Stephanie Lehman, a matrimonial lawyer and partner in
WolfBlock in New York.

Robert, 46, a founder of a music-licensing
company in Los Angeles, filed for divorce in June and mailed 30
humorous divorce announcements he bought from TheDivorceCards.com
when he moved out. Robert, whose lawyer advised him not to use his last
name while still in the middle of divorce proceedings, described his
divorce “as messy as can be.” He sent the cards to let people know his
new mailing address but also because, he said, “if you don’t laugh,
you’re gonna cry.”

“I was devastated; still am devastated,” he said. “If you make light of it, you feel like a man.”

Avygail Sanchez, 28, of Los Angeles, filed for divorce in mid-July. “It was so traumatizing for me to leave,” she said.

In
early August, Ms. Sanchez, an urban planner, who describes herself as
private and reserved, sent an e-mail message to about 15 family members
and friends.

“Most of you know that two years ago in April, I
was wed to Prince Charming. Some of you attended the ceremony and
reception so you know what I mean by ‘charming.’” Never did I imagine
my life from December 2006 to present to be what it has.”

Looking
back on the message, Ms. Sanchez said, “I wanted to tell the world:
‘Look what happened, but I’m out of it now. I’m out,’” she said.
“There’s no going back.”

Stan Tatkin, a psychotherapist who is
a member of the California Association of Marriage and Family
Therapists, said a divorce announcement “forces the person to declare
the loss and move on.”

October 26, 2007

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger vetoed a gay marriage bill Friday,
saying voters and the state Supreme Court, not lawmakers, should decide
the issue. According to the New York Times, "The Republican governor
turned down a measure by Assemblyman Mark Leno that would have defined
marriage as a union between two people, not just a man and a woman.
Schwarzenegger vetoed a similar bill from Leno, a San Francisco
Democrat, in 2005 and has said he would veto all such bills. The
California Supreme Court is likely to rule next year on whether the
state's voter-approved ban on gay marriage violates the constitution.
Schwarzenegger said in his veto message that Californians ''should not
be discriminated against based upon their sexual orientation.'' He said
he supports state laws that give domestic partners many of the rights
and responsibilities of marriage."

The judge's courtroom and chambers were routinely "in shambles," and
because files were "strewn about without any discernible organization,"
they were often lost or misplaced, the commission found.

In hearings before a panel of special masters and the commission
earlier this year, Spitzer conceded that he had trouble organizing his
work but insisted that he was undergoing therapy and changing courtroom
procedures to fix the problems.

But commissioners noted that, after they had threatened him in 2003
with a public admonishment for similar troubles, Spitzer had assured
them that he would change his ways.

"We have no confidence in his ability to conform to standards of judicial conduct," the commission said.

Spitzer's attorney, Reginald Vitek of Seltzer Caplan McMahon Vitek in San Diego, did not return a phone call Tuesday.

Presiding Judge Richard Fields of the Riverside County Superior Court
said Spitzer left his courtroom Tuesday morning after learning of the
commission's order.

"He is absolutely one of the hardest-working judges I've ever met,"
Fields said. "The loss of such an experienced judicial officer at this
very critical point in this court's history is going to be felt by many
people."

Fueled by Riverside County's enormous population growth, the courts
have a backlog of civil cases and officials have struggled to keep up
with the criminal calendars. Chief Justice Ronald George recently
dispatched two dozen judges from around the state to Riverside to help
process felony cases.

Fields said he's asked the Administrative Office of the Courts for an assigned judge to take on Spitzer's courtroom.

Spitzer, 58, cited the county's crushing caseload as one of the reasons
he fell behind in his work. But commissioners said it was more than the
judge's "chronic state of disorganization" that led to his troubles.

Investigators said Spitzer appeared to backdate his signature
on numerous orders before giving them to his clerk for processing. The
commission found that in one case, City of Moreno Valley v. Southern California Association of Governments (SCAG),
Spitzer received a proposed judgment on May 6, 2003 but didn't act
until June 9, 2004, when he signed the judgment, backdated the document
July 3, 2003 and file-stamped it July 7, 2003.

An appellate court tossed out SCAG's appeal in August 2004 on the
grounds that agency leaders had waited too long -- 13 months according
to Spitzer's signature -- to file. SCAG has not resubmitted their
appeal.

In another case, Spitzer forgot to file a decision entirely. The judge
heard a small claims case in 1996 and, despite numerous complaints from
the parties involved, never issued a ruling. It was only after the
plaintiff's mother, a potential juror in an unrelated case, complained
to Spitzer in 2002 that Spitzer conducted a new trial and finally
issued a ruling.

Commissioners said Spitzer's delays in closing cases led him to file
false affidavits saying that he had no cases outstanding for more than
90 days, something judges must do regularly to receive their paychecks.

The commission also criticized Spitzer for improper behind-the-scenes
meddling in cases. In 2004, the judge lobbied prosecutors to charge a
defendant with manslaughter and not murder in a DUI case. The district
attorney declined and after a jury deadlocked, Spitzer brought the
victim's mother into his office and, according to investigators,
encouraged her to persuade the DA to pursue manslaughter charges.

Spitzer told the special masters that he was only trying to comfort and
to educate the mother and that he never meant to suggest that she lobby
the prosecutor for reduced charges.

"Attempting to convince a mother whose child was killed by a drunk
driver that her child's death was unintentional by reference to Penal
Codes, legal terminology, and sentence calculations reflects an
alarming lack of sensitivity in addition to being extraordinarily
inappropriate and unjudicial," Horn wrote on behalf of the commission.

Spitzer is the third judge the commission has ordered removed from
office in the last 10 months. Santa Barbara County Superior Court Judge
Diana Hall was ousted in December 2006 after the commission found that
she had violated campaign finance laws, received two misdemeanor
convictions for DUI and improperly questioned a prosecutor's motives.
And commissioners removed Monterey County Superior Court Judge Jose
Velasquez in April for denying defendants due process, making
inappropriate comments in court and improperly issuing bench warrants.

October 24, 2007

If you believe that a bad marriage will somehow make a good divorce, you’re dreaming.

Worse, you’re unprepared for what’s ahead: The most wretched period of your life.

“It’s easy to hide assets, especially if the divorce turns nasty, so be prepared,” says Christina Rowe, author of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce.
“Know your financial situation. It’s easy to let one spouse or the
other handle the finances during the marriage, but if you’re getting a
divorce, you’re headed for serious trouble if you don’t know what your
assets are.”

It’s easy to torture your ex in court – all it takes is a dash of
imagination, an unhealthy dose of viciousness and buckets of bucks.
Remember: Your attorney has a vested interest in litigating all things
petty and stupid and will be more than happy to help you make a fool of
yourself while running up the bill.

Divorce isn’t, or
shouldn’t be about reprisal that quickly morphs into a form of
insanity. Set your emotions aside because divorce is a simple division
of assets. The law and the numbers are straightforward. The issues
become complicated only when emotion overwhelms reason.

Most
people want just one thing in a divorce: out of a dead relationship.
But don’t let your eagerness to move on obscure the need to nail down
the basics. Personal finance is fertile ground for shenanigans in the
hands of a vindictive ex. Here are some basic steps to limit the
mischief:

Locate, organize and copy all financial records. Make one copy for yourself and a second for your attorney. Save the originals.

Close all joint bank and brokerage accounts. If that’s not possible, freeze access to the accounts.

Close all joint credit accounts. Open new accounts in your own name.

Maintain
a written record of all expenses run up during the separation. This
also includes joint expenses such as bills paid and home improvements
or auto maintenance.

Establish your net worth. Keep a record of all income during the separation. Save pay stubs, bank and brokerage statements.

The forced sale of stock or other investments is likely to have tax implications. Consult your financial planner as needed.

Before the settlement conference, make a list of what you seek right down to household goods.

If
there’s something you know your soon-to-be ex wants in the property
settlement, don’t give it away in a hopeless effort to establish
goodwill. Use it as a bargaining chip and trade it for something you
want.

Settle out of court. This will cut legal costs and ease your jangled nerves.

Divorce is governed by state law and the details may vary
slightly from state to state. However, there can be wide differences in
the interpretation of the law among judges in the courthouse, so ask
around about the attitude and temperament of various judges toward men
and women, alimony or joint custody.

But keep in mind that
most divorce attorneys regularly appear in court and will be reluctant
to disqualify a judge because they’ll be back with another case
tomorrow. However, if you have good reason to believe that a judge
can’t be impartial, insist that your attorney file the needed paperwork
to get your case transferred to another judge.

You’ve got to nail this down because mere feelings aren’t enough to disqualify a judge from your case.

No
attorney can be certain how a judge will rule. A competent attorney
will tell you what’s happened in similar cases and will discuss likely
outcomes. If your attorney guarantees an outcome, it’s time to get a
new lawyer.

Keep discussions with your attorney short and to
the point. Remember that your lawyer is an advocate – not your friend
and confidant. Most attorneys don’t want to hear the gory details. If
you need to talk, see a friend, a member of the clergy or even a
psychiatrist, if you can afford it.

Most men want to maintain
regular contact with their children and a few want to be the custodial
parent. If the kids will live with their mother, she’ll need money to
raise them and may need money to cover household expenses until she
resumes her career.

Two people who were once close should be
able to figure this out. Of course, divorce is rarely that simple but
with a little thought you can prevent it from becoming hideously
complicated.

Think back to when you met and recall why you
flipped for your future ex. You once listened and one of the reasons
the marriage failed is probably that you stopped listening and talked
past each other. It’s difficult to listen during a divorce, especially
if one party is angry or feels betrayed. But there’s great incentive to
listen carefully and resolve the divorce quickly: your kids and your
wallet.

October 22, 2007

It's sad when people fall out of love. But dissolving an unhealthy,
unhappy marriage is a good thing, and it takes a lot of courage to
stand up and say, "We deserve better."

Divorce parties not only let us close the door on that misery,
these rites of passage provide the ritual we need to help us heal. They
offer us a way to celebrate a new independence, to thank those who have
stood by us through the muck, and to announce to the world that we are
ready to move on in life. Finally, it's official.

Save the Date

It's tempting to set a date for your party as soon as divorce
proceedings get under way. But muster up all your patience and wait
until things are just short of being finalized. Like any social
gathering, your party will require some preparation ahead of time, and
you don't want to be thinking about guest lists and napkin rings in the
throes of legal negotiations. You'll be in much better spirits if you
show up at your divorce party with decree in hand.

The Guesting Game

Divorce party guest lists come in all shapes and sizes, and the
only factor that determines who you invite is personal comfort level.
Would you feel better surrounded by guests of the same sex, or does a
co-ed event feel more like a celebration? Do you want to just hang with
other divorcees? Does it feel right to bring together only the people
who have stood by you through this many-monthed mammoth of a nightmare
or are you hoping for something more inclusive, with coworkers and
neighbors? Are you on really (really, really) good terms with your ex
and feel that they should be there? The only right answers to these
questions can come from you, so put some thought into it and -- if it
helps -- start with a long list and whittle it down.

Deck the Halls

The intensely organized go so far as to print up invitations,
arrange a gift registry (ideal for those who lost it all in settlement)
and announcements for their party. Some get a kick out of decorating
the party space (rented-out restaurant, bar, friend's house, etc.) with
streamers, obscenely decorated cakes, voodoo dolls, piñatas, balloons
and bowls of snack food. Get some ideas from Christine Gallagher, a
writer from L.A., who published a book in 2003 called The Divorce Party
Planner: How to Throw a Divorce or Breakup Party and has sold thousands
on her website, http://www.revengelady.com/.

One word to the wise: decorations, catered food and other
props can ring up a hefty tally, so be realistic about what you can
afford with your new single-income earning status and stay within that
budget.

Pieces of the Action

Besides the usual telling of (hopefully by now) funny stories
and making plans for the future, the activities at your divorce party
can be as uneventful or as coordinated as you like. I've read of some
recently divorced folks who have hired officiates or asked a close
friend to perform a short, meaningful sermon about healing and the joy
of change, and about a woman who asked her mother to lead a renaming
ceremony in which she symbolically gave her daughter back her maiden
name.

Others still have projected First Wives Club or War of Roses in
one area of the gathering and had a ceremonial burning of the marriage
license in another area. Don't feel pressured to include any of these
aspects if they don't feel right to you. A low-key gathering of a few
close friends can be just as momentous as one that takes months to
organize. The details of your party should reflect your mood and own
personal style.

And Just Don't...

Even if your divorce party is lush with hot and horny singles,
it's probably best not to fool around with one of them at or just after
the gathering. After all, this is an event intended to celebrate your
newly reclaimed independence, and bringing a sexual interest into the
picture now complicates your newfound simplicity of lifestyle.

Other experiences to avoid at your fete include getting
totally trashed (you don't want to want to get all weepy or
confrontational), destroying any tangible memories of your marriage's
happy times (your wedding album and keepsakes from your courting days
might mean the world to your kids), and making plans to do anything of
importance the next day.

And remember that this event is not about badmouthing, trash
talking or hurting the person you've fallen out of love with. This is
an occasion to commemorate your personal path of healing and newfound
independence.

October 19, 2007

Living in a state where around 49 percent of marriages are ending in
divorce, newly engaged couples are getting prepared for what may come.
Or are they?

The
journey down the aisle can be a very joyous time. Despite the stress
and strain of all the plans leading up to the wedding, after all the
"wedding jitters" have left, a couple can't help but to bask in the
glory of it all.

The reception, the honeymoon suite and the new
house can all seem surreal. The couple prepares for their life together
and, after the honeymoon is over, what they are usually left with are
bills and each other.

And one of these bills that doesn't come
cheap is from that gleaming rock upon the blushing bride's hand: the
engagement ring. Many women dream of the day when they can walk into
their job and, as their co-workers see the gigantic rock on her finger,
instantly become the center of attention. The small fortune that is
gently circling her ring finger is her pride and joy and, more likely
than not, the person she is going to marry is brainstorming ways to pay
for it.

After the ceremony and honeymoon are over, if
somewhere along the way the woman finds out that the man she calls
husband is not the love of her life, what will become of the beautiful
jewelry that once symbolized their endless love and commitment?

Typically,
the woman will get the ring if a divorce should occur. Since it was
considered a "gift," it belongs to the woman and although the husband
may have paid for it, the woman will still be able to keep it because
it is now considered her property.

There have been heated
debates and tearful discussions on the topic of who gets the engagement
ring, even going as far as going to court to settle the argument.
However, to avoid all the hassle that comes with that, we at The
Michigan Journal believe that before the wedding day, the couple needs
to make sure that everything is settled by signing a prenuptial
agreement before the signing the marriage license.

Every
couple needs to look at the future realistically. Although they want to
be optimistic and think that everything is going work out, they do need
to consider a back-up plan in case something like divorce should arise.
Preparation would save the couple a lot of heartache and hassle because
they would already know where they stand. They would know who would
take the dog, the furniture and of course, the engagement ring.

October 17, 2007

Q: My husband and I are divorcing. The prospect frightens me on many
levels. What advice do you have for dealing with the financial issues
and consequences?

A: When you throw money conflicts in with other marital differences
over religion, child rearing, dealing with family, sex and whether to
recap the toothpaste tube, reaching an agreement to divorce and divide
things financially can cause real fireworks.

Money is intimately connected with divorce. During a divorce,
couples often argue over how to divide the assets. After the divorce,
divorcees find themselves needing to adjust to a lower household income
and reconfiguring their financial plans.

Hard as it may be, one of the keys to having a "financially
successful" divorce is not to let your financial issues take a back
seat to legal and emotional issues. While both your emotional life and
financial life are important, it is vital to keep them separate. If you
let your emotions interfere with the financial issues of divorcing,
legal bills and frazzled nerves will accumulate.

By separating your emotional lives from your financial lives, a
divorcing couple may very well be able to settle out of court. Few
people are ever happy with what judges decide; negotiated settlements
are usually more palatable. But if you refuse to lay down your swords,
such a settlement is not possible.

In addition to keeping your emotions at bay, educate yourself
financially. Take a personal-finance course and read some good books.
You also might seek financial advice — but be careful. Attorneys
generally lack the training and perspective to look at your whole
financial picture. Most financial advisers sell products, have other
conflicts of interest and have little experience dealing with divorce
issues.

Consulting with a tax adviser is worthwhile in some cases, as taxes
weigh heavily in some divorce situations. For example, if you have the
choice between paying more in alimony or child support, it's useful to
know that the former is tax-deductible while the latter is not.

One of the most important exercises for spouses is to analyze their
individual spending. Lower-income-earning spouses, who are typically
women, face the biggest reduction in their standard of living
post-divorce. A budget will help during the divorce to justify requests
for alimony or child support, as well as with adjusting to a new
financial life after divorce.

Planning for your post-divorce financial life is important. Most
divorcees are faced with lower incomes and higher costs of living. The
main reason: Living together as a family is usually cheaper per person
than maintaining separate households.

Other financial issues must be rethought as well. You might need different insurance coverages and a new investment strategy.

If you're not committed to divorcing, perhaps all this talk of
lawyers and becoming a financial and tax expert is daunting. If there's
a way to work things out, especially when children are involved, work
at making your marriage continue. Consider seeking help from a marriage
counselor/psychologist if you can't talk things out yourselves and
picking up some good books on the subject.

October 15, 2007

As if baby boomer retirement and estate planning weren't enough,
financial advisers are now grappling with another issue brought to the
fore by boomers: late-in-life divorce. Advisers are reporting that more of their clients who
are approaching retirement age are coming to them for financial
guidance as they end their marriages.

“We're seeing people
married for 30 years who are now getting di-vorced,” said Tom Norton, a
certified public accountant and certified divorce financial analyst at
Thomas Norton & Co. LLC of St. Louis. Longer life expectancies may
mean that unhappy spouses are willing to change their situation if they
are discontent with their marriages, he added.

The leading edge
of baby boom-ers — those born between 1946 and 1955 — has the highest
divorce rate among Americans. About 38% of men and 41% of women born in
that decade were divorced by 2004, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.

In
addition to the emotional turmoil involved, divorce later in life is
complicated by the need to re-examine and shift retirement and estate
plans, advisers say.

Now approaching retirement, boomers have
accumulated hefty balances in their qualified savings plans and other
accounts, all of which typically are split between the divorcing
spouses. But advisers have recognized that divvying up cash and other
financial assets often is one of the easier parts of divorce planning,
as angst ridden as it may be.

The most difficult job often is
dissuading a client from living a flashy and expensive lifestyle as a
newly single retiree, some advisers say.

“This generation as a
whole is looking to retire in better style,” said Howard Sontag,
founder and principal of Sontag Advisory LLC in New York and Westport,
Conn. “It's hard for someone in the midst of an un-pleasant experience
to get intelligent about their money.”

Mr. Sontag spoke of a
client who acknowledged that she could no longer afford the large
apartment she had had prior to a divorce but insisted on keeping it
anyway. In such cases, clients require advisers who can provide
emotional and financial guidance.

“When you find people who have
been hurt and are still holding that grudge, they can make a lot of bad
financial decisions,” said Drew Tignanelli, president of The Financial
Consulate, an advisory firm in Lutherville, Md.

“I'm not saying
I'm a psychologist, but you should encourage them to seek help if they
need it,” he added, observing that some troubled clients have turned
their backs on their finances and “live like paupers.”

Clients
should also be made aware that Social Security may not provide the
windfall they could be anticipating. Those 62 and older are entitled to
collect retirement benefits on an ex-spouse's Social Security record if
the marriage lasted at least 10 years and if the ex is entitled to
benefits, in which case the individual may receive the equivalent of
half of what the ex-spouse receives.

In case of remarriage, those
62 and over can choose to get benefits based on their old spouse's or
their new spouse's Social Security record. Those under 62 are entitled
to benefits based only on their new spouse's Social Security record
(though if they get divorced a second time, they are entitled to
benefits based on either spouse's record).

Aside from helping
clients create a budget, understand cash flow and seek retirement work
opportunities, advisers also must untangle estate plans. This calls for
a team of lawyers and accountants, especially when divorced individuals
remarry.

“Estate planning is most complicated when there's a
large disparity in assets, and the new husband and wife want to keep
assets separate,” Mr. Tignanelli said. The situation becomes messier
when stepchildren become involved.

The law regarding a “per
stirpes” distribution, or the equal division of assets among
descendants in an estate plan, can vary from one state to another and
may not include stepchildren, Mr. Tignanelli added.

“When clients
divorce and then die, you have to make sure that the stepparents will
leave something to the children — that's the battlefield of estate
administrations,” he said.

October 11, 2007

Women who are separated, divorced or facing divorce now have a free
online resource filled with practical knowledge known only by divorce
lawyers and survivors of perilous divorces: The Modern Woman’s Divorce
Guide http://www.themodernwomansdivorceguide.com.

The
site was conceived and created by a former family lawyer who also is
divorced. “While I was practicing family law in California and Hawaii,
I witnessed the plight of divorcing women everyday,” said Helene
Taylor, the site’s co-founder. “I saw the pressing need for
straightforward guidelines that they could use to confront and overcome
the legal and personal challenges they were facing.” Ms. Taylor was
also very familiar with the unforgiving nature of law and the
significant, negative impact it had on under- or unrepresented women.
“This knowledge motivated me to find a way to get that critically
important information to as many women as I could, regardless of their
circumstances. That is how The Modern Woman’s Divorce Guide was born.”

The
Modern Woman’s Divorce Guide differs significantly from existing
divorce web sites. It is neither a general legal resource, nor is it
simply a network of strangers. It is a dynamic, round-the-clock site
filled with stress reducing, money-saving tips, state-specific
resources and links, and articles that show women how to tackle
problems common to every divorce, regardless of whether it is filed in
San Diego, San Antonio or New York City. The site also is jam-packed
with interactive tools, including:

* Questionnaires,
worksheets and checklists designed to help even the most timid women
accomplish such difficult tasks as preparing for divorce before telling
their husbands, interviewing lawyers, negotiating contracts, appearing
in court, settling their cases and enforcing judgments.

*
“Talk to a Lawyer” and “Talk to a Mediator” services that enable women
to describe their cases succinctly and ask interested lawyers and
mediators in their area to contact them.

* A Member’s Forum
that allows women to connect directly with others facing similar
challenges, ask questions and find answers. Regardless of their
locations, women can share their experiences, knowledge and support.

Additional site features include articles written by
women who are doctors, ex-wives, mothers and published authors, plus
links to hundreds of national and state agencies and programs that
provide family law services and support to women.