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Ninth Day
-
Novel V

[Voice:
fiammetta
]

[
001
]
Calandrino being enamoured of a damsel, Bruno gives
him a scroll, averring that, if he but touch her therewith,
she will go with him: he is found with her by his
wife, who subjects him to a most severe and vexatious
examination.

[Voice:
author
]

[
002
]
So, at no great length, ended Neifile her story, which the
company
allowed to pass with none too much laughter or remark:
whereupon the queen, turning to Fiammetta, bade her follow suit.
Fiammetta, with mien most gladsome, made answer that she willingly
obeyed, and thus began:

[Voice:
fiammetta
]

[
003
]
As I doubt not, ye know, ladies most
debonair, be the topic of discourse never so well worn, it will still
continue to please, if the speaker knows how to make due choice of
time and occasion meet. [
004
]
Wherefore, considering the reason for
which we are here (how that 'tis to make merry and speed the time
gaily, and that merely) I deem that there is nought that may afford
us mirth and solace but here may find time and occasion meet, and,
after serving a thousand turns of discourse, should still prove not
unpleasing
for another thousand. [
005
]
Wherefore, notwithstanding that of
Calandrino and his doings not a little has from time to time been
said among us, yet, considering that, as a while ago Filostrato
observed, there is nought that concerns him that is not entertaining,
I will make bold to add to the preceding stories another, which I
might well, had I been minded to deviate from the truth, have disguised,
and so recounted it to you, under other names; but as whoso
in telling a story diverges from the truth does thereby in no small
measure diminish the delight of his hearers, I purpose for the reason
aforesaid to give you the narrative in proper form.

[Voice:
fiammetta
]

[
006
]
Niccolò Cornacchini, one of our citizens, and a man of wealth,
had among other estates a fine one at Camerata, on which he had
a grand house built, and engaged Bruno and Buffalmacco to paint it
throughout; in which task, for that 'twas by no means light, they associated
with them Nello and Calandrino, and so set to work. [
007
]
There
were a few rooms in the house provided with beds and other furniture,
and an old female servant lived there as caretaker, but otherwise
the house was unoccupied, for which cause Niccolò's son, Filippo,
being
a young man and a bachelor, was wont sometimes to bring thither a
woman for his pleasure, and after keeping her there for a few days to
escort her thence again. [
008
]
Now on one of these occasions it befell
that he brought thither one Niccolosa, whom a vile fellow, named
Mangione, kept in a house at Camaldoli as a common prostitute.
[
009
]
And a fine piece of flesh she was, and wore fine clothes, and, for
one of her sort, knew how to comport herself becomingly and talk
agreeably.

[Voice:
fiammetta
]

Now one day at high noon forth tripped the damsel from her
chamber in a white gown, her locks braided about her head, to
wash her hands and face at a well that was in the courtyard of the
house, and, while she was so engaged, it befell that Calandrino came
there for water, and greeted her familiarly. [
010
]
Having returned his
salutation, she, rather because Calandrino struck her as something
out of the common, than for any other interest she felt in him,
regarded him attentively. Calandrino did the like by her, and being
smitten by her beauty, found reasons enough why he should not go
back to his comrades with the water; but, as he knew not who she
was, he made not bold to address her. [
011
]
She, upon whom his gaze
was not lost, being minded to amuse herself at his expense, let her
glance from time to time rest upon him, while she heaved a slight
sigh or two. Whereby Calandrino was forthwith captivated, and
tarried in the courtyard, until Filippo called her back into the chamber.
[
012
]
Returned to his work, Calandrino sighed like a furnace: which
Bruno, who was ever regardful of his doings for the diversion they
afforded him, failed not to mark, and by and by:
“
What the
Devil is amiss with thee, comrade Calandrino?
”
quoth he.
“
Thou
dost nought but puff and blow.
”
[
013
]
“
Comrade,
”
replied Calandrino,
“
I should be in luck, had I but one to help me.
”
[
014
]
“
How so?
”
quoth Bruno. [
015
]
“
Why,
”
returned Calandrino,
“
'tis not to go farther,
but there is a damsel below, fairer than a lamia, and so mightily in
love with me that 'twould astonish thee. I observed it but now,
when I went to fetch the water.
”
[
016
]
“
Nay, but, Calandrino, make
sure she be not Filippo's wife,
”
quoth Bruno. [
017
]
“
I doubt 'tis even
so,
”
replied Calandrino,
“
for he called her and she joined him in the
chamber; but what signifies it? I would circumvent Christ Himself
in such case, not to say Filippo. Of a truth, comrade, I tell thee
she pleases me I could not say how.
”
[
018
]
“
Comrade,
”
returned Bruno,
“
I will find out for thee who she is, and if she be Filippo's wife, two
words from me will make it all straight for thee, for she is much my
friend. But how shall we prevent Buffalmacco knowing it? I can
never have a word with her, but he is with me.
”
[
019
]
“
As to Buffalmacco,
”
replied Calandrino,
“
I care not if he do know it; but let
us make sure that it come not to Nello's ears, for he is of kin to
Monna Tessa, and would spoil it all.
”
[
020
]
Whereto:
“
Thou art in
the right,
”
returned Bruno.

[Voice:
fiammetta
]

[
021
]
Now Bruno knew what the damsel was, for he had seen her
arrive, and moreover Filippo had told him. So, Calandrino having
given over working for a while, and betaken him to her, Bruno
acquainted Nello and Buffalmacco with the whole story; and thereupon
they privily concerted how to entreat him in regard of this love
affair. [
022
]
Wherefore, upon his return, quoth Bruno softly:
“
Didst
see her?
”
[
023
]
“
Ay, woe's me!
”
replied Calandrino:
“
she has
stricken me to the death.
”
[
024
]
Quoth Bruno:
“
I will go see if she
be the lady I take her to be, and if I find that 'tis so, leave the
rest to me.
”
[
025
]
Whereupon down went Bruno, and found Filippo and
the damsel, and fully apprised them what sort of fellow Calandrino
was, and what he had told them, and concerted with them what
each should do and say, that they might have a merry time together
over Calandrino's love affair. [
026
]
He then rejoined Calandrino, saying:
“
'Tis the very same; and therefore the affair needs very delicate
handling, for, if Filippo were but ware thereof, not all Arno's waters
would suffice to cleanse us. However, what should I say to her
from thee, if by chance I should get speech of her?
”
[
027
]
“
I' faith,
”
replied Calandrino,
“
why, first, first of all, thou wilt tell her that I
wish her a thousand bushels of the good seed of generation, and then
that I am her servant, and if she is fain of--aught--thou tak'st
me?
”
[
028
]
“
Ay,
”
quoth Bruno,
“
leave it to me.
”

[Voice:
fiammetta
]

[
029
]
Supper-time came; and, the day's work done, they went down
into the courtyard, Filippo and Niccolosa being there, and there
they tarried a while to advance Calandrino's suit. Calandrino's gaze
was soon riveted on Niccolosa, and such and so strange and startling
were the gestures that he made that they would have given sight to
the blind. [
030
]
She on her part used all her arts to inflame his passion,
primed as she had been by Bruno, and diverted beyond measure as
she was by Calandrino's antics, while Filippo, Buffalmacco and the
rest feigned to be occupied in converse, and to see nought of what
passed. [
031
]
However, after a while, to Calandrino's extreme disgust, they
took their leave; and as they bent their steps towards Florence:
“
I warrant thee,
”
quoth Bruno to Calandrino,
“
she wastes away
for thee like ice in the sunlight; by the body o' God, if thou
wert to bring thy rebeck, and sing her one or two of thy love-songs,
she'd throw herself out of window to be with thee.
”
[
032
]
Quoth Calandrino:
“
Think'st thou, comrade, think'st thou, 'twere well I
brought it?
”
[
033
]
“
Ay, indeed,
”
returned Bruno.
[
034
]
Whereupon:
“
Ah! comrade,
”
quoth Calandrino,
“
so thou wouldst not believe
me when I told thee to-day? Of a truth I perceive there's ne'er
another knows so well what he would be at as I. [
035
]
Who but I
would have known how so soon to win the love of a lady like that?
Lucky indeed might they deem themselves, if they did it, those
young gallants that go about, day and night, up and down, a strumming
on the one-stringed viol, and would not know how to gather
a handful of nuts once in a millennium. Mayst thou be by to see
when I bring her the rebeck! thou wilt see fine sport. [
036
]
List well
what I say: I am not so old as I look; and she knows it right well:
ay, and anyhow I will soon let her know it, when I come to grapple
her. By the very body of Christ I will have such sport with her,
that she will follow me as any love-sick maid follows her swain.
”
[
037
]
“
Oh!
”
quoth Bruno,
“
I doubt not thou wilt make her thy prey:
and I seem to see thee bite her dainty vermeil mouth and her cheeks,
that shew as twin roses, with thy teeth, that are as so many lute-pegs,
and afterwards devour her bodily.
”
[
038
]
So encouraged, Calandrino
fancied himself already in action, and went about singing and capering
in such high glee that 'twas as if he would burst his skin. [
039
]
And so
next day he brought the rebeck, and to the no small amusement
of all the company sang several songs to her. And, in short, by
frequently seeing her, he waxed so mad with passion that he gave
over working; and a thousand times a day he would run now to the
window, now to the door, and anon to the courtyard on the chance
of catching sight of her; nor did she, astutely following Bruno's
instructions, fail to afford him abundance of opportunity. [
040
]
Bruno
played the go-between, bearing him her answers to all his messages,
and sometimes bringing him messages from her. When she was not
at home, which was most frequently the case, he would send him
letters from her, in which she gave great encouragement to his hopes,
at the same time giving him to understand that she was at the house
of her kinsfolk, where as yet he might not visit her.

[Voice:
fiammetta
]

[
041
]
On this wise Bruno and Buffalmacco so managed the affair as to
divert themselves inordinately, causing him to send her, as at her
request, now an ivory comb, now a purse, now a little knife, and
other such dainty trifles; in return for which they brought him, now
and again, a counterfeit ring of no value, with which Calandrino was
marvellously pleased. And Calandrino, to stimulate their zeal in his
interest, would entertain them hospitably at table, and otherwise
flatter them. [
042
]
Now, when they had thus kept him in play for two
good months, and the affair was just where it had been, Calandrino,
seeing that the work was coming to an end, and bethinking him that,
if it did so before he had brought his love affair to a successful issue,
he must give up all hopes of ever so doing, began to be very instant
and importunate with Bruno. [
043
]
So, in the presence of the damsel, and
by preconcert with her and Filippo, quoth Bruno to Calandrino:
“
Harkye, comrade, this lady has vowed to me a thousand times that
she will do as thou wouldst have her, and as, for all that, she does
nought to pleasure thee, I am of opinion that she leads thee by the
nose: wherefore, as she keeps not her promises, we will make her
do so, willy-nilly, if thou art so minded.
”
[
044
]
“
Nay, but, for the love
of God, so be it,
”
replied Calandrino,
“
and that speedily.
”
[
045
]
“
Darest
thou touch her, then, with a scroll that I shall give thee?
”
quoth
Bruno. [
046
]
“
I dare,
”
replied Calandrino.
[
047
]
“
Fetch me, then,
”
quoth
Bruno,
“
a bit of the skin of an unborn lamb, a live bat, three grains of
incense, and a blessed candle; and leave the rest to me.
”
[
048
]
To catch
the bat taxed all Calandrino's art and craft for the whole of the evening;
but having at length taken him, he brought him with the other
matters to Bruno: who, having withdrawn into a room by himself,
wrote on the skin some cabalistic jargon, and handed it to him,
saying: [
049
]
“
Know, Calandrino, that, if thou touch her with this
scroll, she will follow thee forthwith, and do whatever thou shalt
wish. Wherefore, should Filippo go abroad to-day, get thee somehow
up to her, and touch her; and then go into the barn that is
hereby--'tis the best place we have, for never a soul goes there--and
thou wilt see that she will come there too. When she is there, thou
wottest well what to do.
”
[
050
]
Calandrino, overjoyed as ne'er another,
took the scroll, saying only:
“
Comrade, leave that to me.
”

[Voice:
fiammetta
]

[
051
]
Now Nello, whom Calandrino mistrusted, entered with no less
zest than the others into the affair, and was their confederate for
Calandrino's discomfiture; accordingly by Bruno's direction he hied
to Florence, and finding Monna Tessa: [
052
]
“
Thou hast scarce forgotten,
Tessa,
”
quoth he,
“
what a beating Calandrino gave thee,
without the least cause, that day when he came home with the stones
from Mugnone; for which I would have thee be avenged, and, so
thou wilt not, call me no more kinsman or friend. He is fallen in
love with a lady up there, who is abandoned enough to go closeting
herself not seldom with him, and 'tis but a short while since they
made assignation to forgather forthwith: so I would have thee go
there, and surprise him in the act, and give him a sound trouncing.
”
[
053
]
Which when the lady heard, she deemed it no laughing matter; but
started up and broke out with:
“
Alas, the arrant knave! is't thus
he treats me? By the Holy Rood, never fear but I will pay him
out!
”
[
054
]
And wrapping herself in her cloak, and taking a young woman
with her for companion, she sped more at a run than at a walk, escorted
by Nello, up to Camerata. Bruno, espying her from afar, said to
Filippo:
“
Lo, here comes our friend.
”
[
055
]
Whereupon Filippo went
to the place where Calandrino and the others were at work, and
said:
“
My masters, I must needs go at once to Florence; slacken
not on that account.
”
And so off he went, and hid himself where,
unobserved, he might see what Calandrino would do. [
056
]
Calandrino
waited only until he saw that Filippo was at some distance, and then
he went down into the courtyard, where he found Niccolosa alone,
and fell a talking with her. She, knowing well what she had to do,
drew close to him, and shewed him a little more familiarity than she
was wont: whereupon Calandrino touched her with the scroll, [
057
]
and
having so done, saying never a word, bent his steps towards the
barn, whither Niccolosa followed him, and being entered, shut the
door, and forthwith embraced him, threw him down on the straw
that lay there, and got astride of him, and holding him fast by the
arms about the shoulders, suffered him not to approach his face to
hers, but gazing upon him, as if he were the delight of her heart:
[
058
]
“
O Calandrino, sweet my Calandrino,
”
quoth she,
“
heart of my
body, my very soul, my bliss, my consolation, ah! how long have I
yearned to hold thee in my arms and have thee all my own! Thy
endearing ways have utterly disarmed me; thou hast made prize of
my heart with thy rebeck. Do I indeed hold thee in mine embrace?
”
[
059
]
Calandrino, scarce able to move, murmured:
“
Ah! sweet
my soul, suffer me to kiss thee.
”
[
060
]
Whereto:
“
Nay, but thou art
too hasty,
”
replied Niccolosa.
“
Let me first feast mine eyes on
thee; let me but sate them with this sweet face of thine.
”

[Voice:
fiammetta
]

[
061
]
Meanwhile Bruno and Buffalmacco had joined Filippo, so that
what passed was seen and heard by all three. And while Calandrino
was thus intent to kiss Niccolosa, lo, up came Nello with Monna
Tessa.
“
By God, I swear they are both there,
”
ejaculated Nello, [
062
]
as
they entered the doorway; but the lady, now fairly furious, laid hold
of him and thrust him aside, and rushing in, espied Niccolosa astride
of Calandrino. Niccolosa no sooner caught sight of the lady, than
up she jumped, and in a trice was beside Filippo. [
063
]
Monna Tessa fell
upon Calandrino, who was still on the floor, planted her nails in his
face, and scratched it all over: she then seized him by the hair, and
haling him to and fro about the barn:
“
Foul, pestilent cur,
”
quoth
she,
“
is this the way thou treatest me? Thou old fool! A murrain
on the love I have borne thee! Hast thou not enough to do at
home, that thou must needs go falling in love with strange women?
[
064
]
And a fine lover thou wouldst make! Dost not know thyself,
knave? Dost not know thyself, wretch? Thou, from whose whole
body 'twere not possible to wring enough sap for a sauce! God's
faith, 'twas not Tessa that got thee with child: God's curse on her,
whoever she was: verily she must be a poor creature to be enamoured
of a jewel of thy rare quality.
”
[
065
]
At sight of his wife, Calandrino,
suspended, as it were, between life and death, ventured no defence; but,
his face torn to shreds, his hair and clothes all disordered, fumbled about
for his capuche, which having found, up he got, and humbly besought
his wife not to publish the matter, unless she were minded that he
should be cut to pieces, for that she that was with him was the wife
of the master of the house.
“
Then God give her a bad year,
”
replied the lady. [
066
]
Whereupon Bruno and Buffalmacco, who by this
time had laughed their fill with Filippo and Niccolosa, came up as if
attracted by the noise; and after not a little ado pacified the lady,
and counselled Calandrino to go back to Florence, and stay there,
lest Filippo should get wind of the affair, and do him a mischief.
[
067
]
So Calandrino, crestfallen and woebegone, got him back to Florence
with his face torn to shreds; where, daring not to shew himself at
Camerata again, he endured day and night the grievous torment of
his wife's vituperation. Such was the issue, to which, after ministering
not a little mirth to his comrades, as also to Niccolosa and Filippo,
this ardent lover brought his amour.