Eishet Chayil

A special Shabbat song in honor of the Jewish woman.

The Jewish woman. If not for her, the Jewish people would still be enslaved in Egypt.

When Pharaoh decreed that all first-born Jewish males should die, the men decided to refrain from relations with their wives so as not to bring any more children into this world. The women realized that God would indeed save them and bring them out of Egypt, so they went to their husbands in order to bring more Jewish children into the world. Their faith and foresight were said to have merited the redemption from Egypt of the entire Jewish people.

The Jewish woman. The one who was offered the Torah first from Moses. After Moses received the Torah from God at Mount Sinai, he offered it first to the Jewish women, for he knew that if they accepted it, it would become part of the Jewish people for all time.

The Jewish woman. Who, in the face of adversity, held steadfast to her trust in the Almighty, even when those around her did not. While the Jewish people wandered through the desert, the men repeatedly complained to Moses and even asked to go back to Egypt. And, when Jewish spies were sent in to the Land of Israel and came back with reports of great dangers, it was the men who refused to enter. Forty years later, only the women of that generation merited entering the land.

The Jewish woman. Who time and time again saved the Jewish people through her insightfulness, virtue, and belief in God. There are many examples, one being Rebecca, who helped disguise her son Jacob so that her husband, Isaac, would bestow a blessing upon him and not upon Jacob's brother, Esau. She knew that it was Jacob who had the character to become the father of the Jewish people. Later, it was his 12 sons who led The Tribes of Israel.

The Jewish woman. In whose merit will come the Messiah and the final redemption of the Jewish people. (Talmud - Sotah 11)

The Jewish woman, who today is the one entrusted with the responsibility of maintaining the three mitzvot central to the Jewish home: kashrut, Shabbat, and mikvah.

If not for her, where would we be? There would be no home, no family... no Jewish people. On Friday night, she sits as the queen of her table, while all those around her sing her praises. And rightly so.

She is the Eishet Chayil, the Woman of Valor, who sets the tone of love, spirituality, and personal growth for all those around her. To know her is to appreciate her strength and talents. And, just in case you might happen to forget, "Eishet Chayil" is there as a weekly reminder.

These words are found in the Book of Proverbs (31:10-31), and accredited to King Solomon.

Sing it with feeling for your own Eishet Chayil, or to the Eishet Chayils that were the foundation of the Jewish people for thousands of years and continue to be so today.

How To

1. Although only a custom, "Eishet Chayil" is sung at every Shabbat table throughout the world.

2. If no women are present, "Eishet Chayil" is still sung in praise of Jewish women everywhere.

3. If no men are present, the women sing it in praise of Jewish womanhood.

A Woman of Valor, who can find? She is more precious than corals.
Her husband places his trust in her and profits only thereby.
She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
She seeks out wool and flax and cheerfully does the work of her hands.

She is like the trading ships, bringing food from afar.
She gets up while it is still night to provide food for her household, and a fair share for her staff.
She considers a field and purchases it, and plants a vineyard with the fruit of her labors.
She invests herself with strength and makes her arms powerful.

She senses that her trade is profitable; her light does not go out at night.
She stretches out her hands to the distaff and her palms hold the spindle.
She opens her hands to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.
She has no fear of the snow for her household, for all her household is dressed in fine clothing.

She makes her own bedspreads; her clothing is of fine linen and luxurious cloth.
Her husband is known at the gates, where he sits with the elders of the land.
She makes and sells linens; she supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is robed in strength and dignity, and she smiles at the future.

She opens her mouth with wisdom and a lesson of kindness is on her tongue.
She looks after the conduct of her household and never tastes the bread of laziness.
Her children rise up and make her happy; her husband praises her:
"Many women have excelled, but you excell them all!"

Grace is elusive and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears God -- she shall be praised.
Give her credit for the fruit of her labors, and let her achievements praise her at the gates.

Reflections

The first time I went to someone's Shabbat table, the husband sang this song, but no one explained it to me, so it could have been Happy Birthday for all I knew. After a friend told me what it was about I thought it was such a beautiful custom.

There's one family I spend Shabbat with a lot, and Friday night the wife always says, "You'd better sing my song."

I hope the men know that honoring their wives is not just for one song, it's for a whole week. Maybe it's there as a reminder.

* * *

Some of our guests think it's strange that my husband sings to me on Friday night at the Shabbat table. No one else usually knows the words because none of our friends are as observant as we are yet (though a lot are on their way), so there's this unbelievable silence surrounding him while he sings.

When we're alone, he always ends the song by saying, "Good Shabbos, I love you." Isn't that just so sweet?

* * *

A friend of mine who has a beautiful voice recorded the song on a cassette for me, so now I've been secretly practicing, playing it in my car to and from work. I'm waiting for my next Friday night get-together to surprise everyone. I'll never be a cantor, but at least I deserve an A for effort.

* * *

My husband always tells any bachelors at the table that they can't get married until they learn this song. They always laugh kind of nervously and quickly try to hum along.

* * *

I've been divorced a few years, which made some of the Shabbat rituals a little tough. I got used to saying my own kiddush, instead of my husband, but for years I just skipped "Eishet Chayil." Then one Friday night I had a girlfriend over who just naturally began singing it at the appropriate time. I found myself singing, too, and liking it. Now I sing it no matter who is there, and my kids have really picked up the tune. "Eishet Chayil" is now a fixture at our Friday night table, and I'm really glad. I missed it.

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About the Author

Lori Palatnik is a writer and Jewish educator who has appeared on television and radio. She is the Founding Director of The Jewish Women's Renaissance Project, an international initiative that brings thousands of women to Israel each year from 18 different countries on highly subsidized programs to inspire them with the beauty and wisdom of their heritage (www.jwrp.org). She is a much sought-after international speaker, having lectured in the U.S., Canada, Mexico, U.K., Central America, South America, South Africa and Israel, including featured talks at Yale, Brown and Penn. She lives in the Washington, D.C. area with her husband, Rabbi Yaakov Palatnik, and is the busy mother of five children, ages 25 to 15.

Visitor Comments: 4

(4)
Shmuel,
April 20, 2010 9:59 PM

Glad I saw this

I'm going through a separation/divorce and someone asked me why I sing Eishes Chayil still. Besides enjoying singing, I wasn't sure until I saw this article. Thanks. (Regards to Moshe Palatnik from his old Rebbe)

(3)
Rachel Steiner,
February 26, 2007 10:38 AM

Could be me!?

I am married with a small baby. I get up when it is still dark to feed baby and sometimes do chores in the early hours. My light is always on. I knit lots of stuff for our little family. I went around looking for a flat for us to buy (field) One friday night not long after the birth of our baby, we were singing Aishes chayil, and I went wow it is me, early to rise, late to bed - well almost, I still have far to go. I think that the aishes chayil is a great role if challenging role model

(2)
Diana,
April 4, 2006 12:00 AM

thank you

Thank you for your article. This morning I received an e-mail from a female acquiantance with a bunch of cynical jokes about the women. I felt insulted and thought about how far the secular attitudes to women are from the ideals expressed in Eishet Chayil. I searched the internet for the text of Eishet Chayil and found it in your article. I thought replying to this person and all cc's in her list with the text of Eishet Chayil was the best response and probably a deterent from receiving the list jokes again.

(1)
Anonymous,
November 29, 2004 12:00 AM

Not just for wives

In my community, we all sing it for whomever is hosting the evening. We have a lot of singles who host Shabbat, so this is a nice way of making them feel special and appreciated.

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I just got married and have an important question: Can we eat rice on Passover? My wife grew up eating it, and I did not. Is this just a matter of family tradition?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Torah instructs a Jew not to eat (or even possess) chametz all seven days of Passover (Exodus 13:3). "Chametz" is defined as any of the five grains (wheat, spelt, barley, oats, and rye) that came into contact with water for more than 18 minutes. Chametz is a serious Torah prohibition, and for that reason we take extra protective measures on Passover to prevent any mistakes.

Hence the category of food called "kitniyot" (sometimes referred to generically as "legumes"). This includes rice, corn, soy beans, string beans, peas, lentils, peanuts, mustard, sesame seeds and poppy seeds. Even though kitniyot cannot technically become chametz, Ashkenazi Jews do not eat them on Passover. Why?

Products of kitniyot often appear like chametz products. For example, it can be hard to distinguish between rice flour (kitniyot) and wheat flour (chametz). Also, chametz grains may become inadvertently mixed together with kitniyot. Therefore, to prevent confusion, all kitniyot were prohibited.

In Jewish law, there is one important distinction between chametz and kitniyot. During Passover, it is forbidden to even have chametz in one's possession (hence the custom of "selling chametz"). Whereas it is permitted to own kitniyot during Passover and even to use it - not for eating - but for things like baby powder which contains cornstarch. Similarly, someone who is sick is allowed to take medicine containing kitniyot.

What about derivatives of kitniyot - e.g. corn oil, peanut oil, etc? This is a difference of opinion. Many will use kitniyot-based oils on Passover, while others are strict and only use olive or walnut oil.

Finally, there is one product called "quinoa" (pronounced "ken-wah" or "kin-o-ah") that is permitted on Passover even for Ashkenazim. Although it resembles a grain, it is technically a grass, and was never included in the prohibition against kitniyot. It is prepared like rice and has a very high protein content. (It's excellent in "cholent" stew!) In the United States and elsewhere, mainstream kosher supervision agencies certify it "Kosher for Passover" -- look for the label.

Interestingly, the Sefardi Jewish community does not have a prohibition against kitniyot. This creates the strange situation, for example, where one family could be eating rice on Passover - when their neighbors will not. So am I going to guess here that you are Ashkenazi and your wife is Sefardi. Am I right?

Yahrtzeit of Rabbi Moses ben Nachman (1194-1270), known as Nachmanides, and by the acronym of his name, Ramban. Born in Spain, he was a physician by trade, but was best-known for authoring brilliant commentaries on the Bible, Talmud, and philosophy. In 1263, King James of Spain authorized a disputation (religious debate) between Nachmanides and a Jewish convert to Christianity, Pablo Christiani. Nachmanides reluctantly agreed to take part, only after being assured by the king that he would have full freedom of expression. Nachmanides won the debate, which earned the king's respect and a prize of 300 gold coins. But this incensed the Church: Nachmanides was charged with blasphemy and he was forced to flee Spain. So at age 72, Nachmanides moved to Jerusalem. He was struck by the desolation in the Holy City -- there were so few Jews that he could not even find a minyan to pray. Nachmanides immediately set about rebuilding the Jewish community. The Ramban Synagogue stands today in Jerusalem's Old City, a living testimony to his efforts.

It's easy to be intimidated by mean people. See through their mask. Underneath is an insecure and unhappy person. They are alienated from others because they are alienated from themselves.

Have compassion for them. Not pity, not condemning, not fear, but compassion. Feel for their suffering. Identify with their core humanity. You might be able to influence them for the good. You might not. Either way your compassion frees you from their destructiveness. And if you would like to help them change, compassion gives you a chance to succeed.

It is the nature of a person to be influenced by his fellows and comrades (Rambam, Hil. De'os 6:1).

We can never escape the influence of our environment. Our life-style impacts upon us and, as if by osmosis, penetrates our skin and becomes part of us.

Our environment today is thoroughly computerized. Computer intelligence is no longer a science-fiction fantasy, but an everyday occurrence. Some computers can even carry out complete interviews. The computer asks questions, receives answers, interprets these answers, and uses its newly acquired information to ask new questions.

Still, while computers may be able to think, they cannot feel. The uniqueness of human beings is therefore no longer in their intellect, but in their emotions.

We must be extremely careful not to allow ourselves to become human computers that are devoid of feelings. Our culture is in danger of losing this essential aspect of humanity, remaining only with intellect. Because we communicate so much with unfeeling computers, we are in danger of becoming disconnected from our own feelings and oblivious to the feelings of others.

As we check in at our jobs, and the computer on our desk greets us with, "Good morning, Mr. Smith. Today is Wednesday, and here is the agenda for today," let us remember that this machine may indeed be brilliant, but it cannot laugh or cry. It cannot be happy if we succeed, or sad if we fail.

Today I shall...

try to remain a human being in every way - by keeping in touch with my own feelings and being sensitive to the feelings of others.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...