Sex

13 March 2005

Slutty

On the surface no one would peg me as a slut. To anyone who takes a gander, I am outwardly cute, friendly, funny and smart. My boyfriends' parents all loved me: the sweet girlfriend with a brain. I am the girl my older female clients want to fix up with their sons. Because I am such a caring, considerate person. Of course these things are true.

But, goddamn, I love me a good fuck.

I think to say that every good girl needs her "slutty phase" is probably true. I found that the reverse also holds. When I was married, I would never, ever have done anything which would have damaged my marriage (like having sex with someone other than my husband). So, even though I had always been perceived by others as a good girl, I actually became one for six years.

In the aftermath of all that, I have come to some realizations about myself when it comes to sex and relationships. Here are the biggies.

1. As an individual I am responsible for defining my own boundaries for what is and isn't acceptable sexual behavior within my relationships. This includes my own actions and the actions of others. (For me, monogamy is not the central issue in a sexual relationship; honesty is. )

2. I am responsible for explaining and laying out those boundaries to anyone with whom I have sex or the possibility of a sexual relationship.

3. As long as everyone is open and honest, we can avoid icky repercussions later. (Insert icky repercussion here.)

So if I am back to being a slut, fine with me. I'd rather be a contented slut than a miserable monogamist who's had the rules changed on her mid-game and without consultation.

My sex life is not on display in my real life. I am fairly known in my community, I am a single parent, I work hard at a job I love, and I try to balance the scales of sacred and profane every day. Very few people I know read this blog. Those who do know the sweet me and the slutty me, and they love us both. Kisses to you.

People who really know me- my parents are great examples- know that I have "eccentric" tastes in the bedroom and that I am not ashamed of it. While they don't necessarily condone my cocksucking and assfucking (Yes, I am still talking about my parents!), they know I am responsible about it. They know that I am a good person, a good parent, and that my kids are happy and adjusting to life inside a divorce.

Today I was at my folks' house watching college basketball. I had on a new t-shirt with a cute little retro design and the name of my team. I was showing it off when my father pointed out that the design's flanking stars were centered directly over my nipples. I hadn't noticed. My mom shrugged her shoulders and said, "Well, we are talking about Madeline here!" As in, "You know your exhibitionist daughter is forever appealing to the voyeur in others and will regularly do utterly shocking things." My dad winked. I love those guys.

Hey, Sweet Potato, it's fun being the one folks least expect.

And dearest Jefferson, I think the "madonna/whore" analogy is a good one; women are labeled as one or the other. That simply is not acceptable to me. I think there should be more categories.