Today on MyBrownBaby, we celebrate mater mea mom Staceyann Chin, a spoken word poet, performance artist and activist. Here, Staceyann, photographed by J. Quazi King for mater mea, talks about how becoming a mom to her daughter, Zuri, changed things—everything from friendships and conversations to disagreements and choices.

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mater mea: How has becoming a mom affected your life?

Staceyann Chin: I think watching a human being come into consciousness makes you reconsider any monolith of consciousness you had prior. It forces you to question your own tenets, the things you thought were immovable and sturdy and steady. And invariably when you look at things that are fixed, you’ll find that they aren’t so fixed, especially when it comes to identity, humanity and human relationships. I mean, I have relationships that are changing as we speak based on what’s happening with my kid, how I view myself as an individual who will raise a kid, and how I might be looking at other people raising their kids. You find yourself bumping against people in spaces you never imagined.

Before I don’t think I argued too much with people about tiny things. But [once you have a kid] you argue more with the people who are closer to you, you have more meaty conversations with them, more meaty disagreements and arguments… You’re also aware that some relationships will fall away. And you have to be ok with that, because it’s really choosing your kid or the relationship, and when it comes up as that kind of choice, it’s no choice.