The relationship between my parents is very fragile. It seems to have gotten that way ever since my dad lost his job. My family and I had come to live in the US when I was in elementary. Since then, my dad had worked at a pharmacy as a full-time cashier. It wasn’t an extremely well-paid job, but it was enough to support my family of four.

At that time, my mom was mainly a housewife, only working occasionally at restaurants. But one day, my dad told me that he was laid off. My mom soon became a full-time worker. She now works at a factory. It was when my mom began working full-time and took on the burden of supporting our household that her relationship with my dad had gotten really bad.

She would be arguing with my dad all the time, over every little thing (like not making the bed after getting up in the morning, or not taking out the meat out of the freezer earlier). But I could tell the main issue was that he didn’t find another full-time job. At first, I understood how she felt because I knew how stressful she must have been being forced to jump into a full-time job all of a sudden after being a housewife for 10+ years.

She would also tell us about the problems that she would run into at work. But she has become very hot-tempered (much more than before) and negative. My dad had also explained to me it wasn’t that he didn’t want to find another job, it was because his health is deteriorating over the past few years. He can’t work long hours anymore. And he’s right, he is already 60 years old and his health isn’t exactly the best (he’s on about 10 medications).

I don’t think my parents had ever truly communicated their thoughts on this issue though. They dealt with their negative emotions mainly through suppressing themselves. Especially my dad. He usually doesn’t retaliate when my mom initiates an argument with her. But sometimes, she really touches his nerves and he would scream back at her. And of course, that would lead to the silent treatment. My mom would ignore my dad for a day or two before she finally talks to him again.

But I know that the wounds are still there and that it’s only a matter of time before they tear open each other’s wounds again with a thoughtless word or act. A lot of their arguments are over matters involving my younger brother too. For example, they would fight over what to tell my brother to wear going out. I have always wondered how could two such different people walk into marriage. But I’m grateful because, without them, there wouldn’t be me and my brother.

I wish our family would return to the previous state, happy and with little conflicts. But I don’t think it’s possible anymore.

Kelly, men, feel worthless when they can’t provide for their families. Your dad is bored and depressed. He resents his present situation. As your dad gets older, it may get worse because of all the medications he’s taking.

Check the side-effects of the medications because sometimes they can induce depression and mood swings. If this is so, your dad can ask his doctor to change his medication. A different medicine can make a big difference to someone’s emotional balance.