"I tell him I tried. I tried to keep memory alive; I tried to fight those who would forget. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. There is so much injustice & suffering crying out for our attention. We must take sides. We must interfere. -E.W.

110 Million Seconds. $22 Million Harm.

Please accept my apology for not putting out a post this week. I was consumed with legal affairs. Yesterday was spent on the road for a total of eight hours (round trip), plus around four hours involved in the actual legal process. It was a grueling day, both mentally and physically. Although vital to Ryan, it was rough but I am happy to have said what was needed. What people do with what I said is an entirely different story.

I promise to get caught up on all my correspondence this morning too.

It should not go without mention that yesterday also marked the 3-½ anniversary of the attack by Austin Vantrease and Jonathan May (both of Newark, Delaware). That’s 1,276 days. 30,624 hours. 1,837,440 minutes. 110,246,400 seconds. Each one of those hurt like hell.

One-hundred-and-ten MILLION opportunities for Austin Vantrease and Jonathan May to do the right thing and accept accountability. 110 Million times they failed Ryan… in my opinion.

Yes, I acknowledged this sickening anniversary but decided to focus on the positive. Namely, you.

Despite Vantrease and May completely turning their backs on the damage and harm they inflicted, during those same 110 million seconds you, and people like you, came to Ryan’s cause. You surrounded him with the resources, respect, and love that simply cannot be measured by neither time nor money. Sue and I spent many days (and nights) wondering how we could ever manage this situation… circumstance we and Ryan never asked for.

You have bailed Ryan and us out. I often refer to what it feels like as “being pulled from the wreckage”. Because of you we have not added personal debt. Sure, it took Sue and I throwing our money at this as well, and we know this will always be the case. It also means that my family has ZERO discretionary income. We spend, or save, everything for Ryan. To us, a new pair of shoes for ourselves seems frivolous. Heaven forbid even considering ordering the MLB sports package that Ryan and I once loved. There’s no room for such luxury in the Diviney household. We — or, more accurately, you — have turned the corner and are now actually adding to Ryan’s Special Needs Trust Fund! Let me say this again… Ryan’s Trust Fund is growing! It is slowly starting to acquire a small cushion for his future needs and I am committed to advancing this further.

Sadly, there is a long, long way to go.

A conceptual image of the dashboard I’m thinking about making available. [via dashboards-for-business.com]

Once this civil lawsuit is resolved I’d like to start sharing all this information with you. There’s even the potential that I can do this sooner. Some things that I’m excited to show you are: 1) The principal balance of the Ryan Diviney Special Needs Trust Fund, 2) Financial gift contributions through PayPal, 3) Amazon product gifts, 4) The total outstanding financial amounts that Vantrease and May are on the hook for, and so on. Heck, I guess I could even put up all the tax filings. Please let me know if there are other things that would interest you. I want everything to be transparent and readily available to anyone with an interest.

What I envision is adding a page to the website that is formatted like a dashboard with this information. If I can figure out the coding, perhaps I can even make all of this dynamic… real-time. What I mean by that is if a person makes a gift contribution through, say, PayPal then the cleared transaction (minus personal information) will instantly be shown in Ryan’s Trust fund. At a minimum, a quarterly (or even monthly) accounting seems timely enough.

One important thing I ask is for you is to put this information into context. The first benchmark that I hope sticks in your mind is that the civil lawsuit estimates approximately $22 million. That is, in fact, the civil claim filed before the Federal Court.

Comments

Sorry to hear that you had such a grueling day. I certainly don’t envy the schedules that you and Sue endure on a regular basis. I think everyone marvels at how organized you are and the work you are able to accomplish, as well as taking care of Ryan. Thinking of Ryan and hoping he has a good day!

Well this is all I have to say about that…. YOU, Mr. Dad, HAVE to take care of yourself. If YOU, DAD, don’t make sure you have the right shoes, a way to vent your anger, a good night’s sleep, a mental break (every once in a while) from dealing with all of this, YOU, Mr. DAD, will not be any good to anyone.

Remember when you were sick this past winter? You covered your face and hands and covered your body from head to toe so your son would not get sick. YOU must do this for yourself once in a while or YOU, DAD, will not make it for the long haul.

I tell you this from my own experiences. If you are injured or harmed you will be no good to Ryan, if you are angry, overly tired or not in the right frame of mind you will miss something that is happening with Ryan’s body. YOU have to be healthy and in the right place mentally in order to take care of Ryan and continue his fight for the long haul.

I know this post has nothing to do with what you have written today but it is what I am reading between the lines here. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF OR YOU WILL BE NO GOOD FOR RYAN OR ANYONE!!!

There will never be any time unless you schedule it. It is very obvious, you are second, third, fourth to everyone else. What about a punching bag for you to punch while Ryan is cycling? Even if you had someone come in and just watch Ryan for an hour 3 times a week while you went to the other room and meditated, punched the bag, did yoga???? I am pretty sure the county has groups that offer volunteer time and if all they needed to do was watch him and go get you if something went wrong, it could work and you could get a little me time. I am pretty sure in Loudoun Cty there is some help you can get but I would have to track it down for you.

It makes me happy to see that the kindness of others has helped you. But it hurts like he** to see the agony that this brutal act has caused. IMO, $22 million doesn’t begin to scrape the surface of the cost of past and future care. Always praying for, hoping, and BELIEVING in Ryan’s complete recovery. Sending love/hugs to you all.

Hi Ken, I can only imagine how long yesterday was … hoping that things went smoothly and favorably. I hate the way innocent victims have to be put through the ringer over and over. 22 million is the suit before the Federal Court? Sounds ok, probably should be more like 222 million +. We know there isn’t any dollar figure that’s going to make things right, but at least there will be money (hopefully!) to help with the enormous expenses that occur on an ongoing basis. I guess you and your family have climbed yet another mountain in the mountain chain of pain. I wish you guys could spend a peaceful week away at a lake or some other quiet locale. A change of scenery might do you good, let your minds rest a little. I’m thinking of you guys and praying for a smooth week. Always remember you are loved and cared about.
Sending hugs, love, prayers and great hope!
Paula