Dashboard Confessional

Sometimes when I'm listening to major-label, Top 40 guitar rock, I imagine a secret checklist requiring completion before the corporate board approves the release. Solid wall of benign guitar chords playing for all three minutes? Check. Everyone in the band hammering the first note of each measure? Check. Kick into an acoustic bridge for 30 seconds before blasting through the chorus one last time? Check. Add a ballad or two, some photos of love-torn young men walking the beach at sunset, and poof - welcome to the new Dashboard Confessional album. Throw it on the ash heap of forgettable 2006 recordings, alongside Teddy Geiger and Nick Lachey.