Tips For Coping With Infidelity

Coping with infidelity is perhaps the hardest thing you will have to deal with in your married life. Infidelity occurs when your spouse starts going out and having sexual relations with another person. When you discover this new relationship or even find out about after it is over, there is a breakdown in the amount of trust that you place in your spouse. Your likelihood of wanting to be intimate with your husband or wife knowing that they have slept with another partner is decreased and you are afraid that this other person may take your place and you will be pushed aside.

Infidelity is always harmful in a marriage and can often be destructive leading to separation and divorce. Even though you may feel as if someone has died or that part of your heart will never recover, you do need to take steps to heal yourself. Coping with the adultery is painful and traumatic often requiring medical help to get you through. The first step to help you cope is for the cheating spouse to admit the affair and offer a sincere apology. The affair has to end immediately and you will probably want proof that it has ended.

You do need to sit down and talk about your marriage - the good and the bad points. You will need to know the why and how of the affair and if it was because of something you di or didn’t do. The betrayed spouse not only feels anger at the discovery, but also the feeling that he/she should have been a better wife or husband. This is not always the case because some affairs start out as friendship and just gradually develop. Even so, the cheating spouse does know that having an affair is wrong and could potentially wreck the marriage, so this begs the question - why let it go on?

You may question your whole marriage and wonder if it was a mistake. You may feel that your spouse never loved you and that everything in your married life was a lie. In order to recover from this trauma, you do have to revisit it and get to the bottom of things. It is only when you fully understand what led to the affair that you can start to heal and cope. You do have to reach a point where there are no more surprises for you and to achieve this you have to ask a lot of questions for which you may not like the answers.

You may feel embarrassed that others knew about the affair before you did and not want to see your friends or engage in your normal activities. If this is the case, you do need support to help you cope. You do need to still have your friends around you for support and to seek counseling if this doesn’t seem to help. Continuing with your regular routine will give you the stability and organization that you need in this traumatic time of your life.

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