Family

Getting to know a parent's new partner

Family

Getting to know a parent's new partner

These days it's not unusual for parents to be re-entering the dating scene just as their adult children are settling into committed relationships and starting families of their own. If one of your parents decides to start dating again, being encouraging is a great way to show support -- and can even bring you closer together. Meeting your parent's new partner for the first time might not be easy, but there are ways to move past any potential discomfort.

We spoke with Timothy Gauthier, a certified life coach and the founder of SMARTLife Wellness Co. in Ottawa, about finding our footing when a parent starts dating again. "Open communication between the parent and the adult children is the only sure way to know how to approach the situation for those involved," he says.

He shares five strategies to help start you off on the right foot with the new lead in your parent's romantic life.

1. Be honest There's no harm in admitting that you aren't used to these types of scenarios, or to make a joke to lighten the mood. "It is very normal for adult children to be reluctant to meet their parent's new partner," says Gauthier.

"As always, communication is key. Although there may be some tension, as long as each person chooses to communicate respectfully, talking about the situation can provide an opportunity for a deeper connection," he explains.

Remember that you are likely to see this person more than once, so have faith that it will get easier. "As you get to know you parent's partner, he or she will become more comfortable with you -- but honesty is crucial throughout this entire process," says Gauthier.

2. Be mindful of first impressions Making a good first impression is important, which means you should be aware of your body language and manner of speech when you do meet your parent's new partner. You might be nervous or uncomfortable, but try not to show it.

Avoid crossing your arms in front of your body, which can be perceived as hostile, and avoid interrupting or cutting off the other person when they are speaking, which can be seen as disregard for what they are saying, Gauthier advises. Look to your parent to help ease any tension and to make the meeting more comfortable.

"The parent really is the bridge here. They have an intimate relationship with both parties," he says. "This equalizes the environment and allows others to be courageous with their own feelings and discomforts. Everyone is doing the best they can, and it's not easy for anyone involved in these situations."

Page 1 of 2 -- Find three more ways to strengthen your connection with mom or dad's new partner on page 2

3. Ask questions to learn more Asking your parent's new partner questions and being genuinely curious will encourage the flow of conversation in an organic way, and can indicate what he or she is most interested in talking about.

"Ask them about the work they do and why they enjoy it, or if money was of no concern, how they would choose to spend their time," Gauthier suggests. You are looking to learn more about the person and whether he or she is a good fit for your mother or father. Ask open-ended questions, but avoid an interrogation that could lead to discomfort.

"Adult children need to be aware that it's OK to want their parents to be safe and happy, but it's not OK for their own emotions to sabotage the potential happiness of their parent," says Gauthier.

4. Plan an activityOrganize an activity in a casual atmosphere that the three of you can enjoy together. "Try asking your parent's partner what they enjoy doing for fun," Gauthier suggests. Depending on activity levels and physical abilities, taking in an afternoon baseball game, going for a leisurely hike or even meeting up over coffee are all great ways to develop a rapport without any pressure. "Make them as comfortable as possible. Quieter activities give you an opportunity to talk and really get to know one another," says Gauthier.

5. Show interest Everyone loves to talk about how they met, especially at the beginning of a new relationship. Ask your parent and his or her new partner how they met. "Showing interest conveys to your parent that his or her happiness is a priority for you, which will in turn strengthen your relationship," says Gauthier.

This will also give you some insight into any qualities your parent sees in this new person that you might also appreciate. Remember details and ask follow-up questions to show that you are invested. "There are so many benefits to a good relationship with your parent's significant other, including a stronger relationship with your parent, more joy and stability, and overall increased love and support," he explains.

Although it's often more comfortable to stick to the parent-child role we have known our whole lives, it's important to prioritize your parent's overall happiness, rather than focusing on yourself. By supporting your parent's pursuit of a romantic relationship, it allows your relationship with them to evolve -- and the dividends pay off in happiness for everyone involved.

International Cookies for The Great Cookie Exchange

Crispy Maple Coconut Tuiles

These beautiful cookies make for an elegant holiday gift. Bake them in small batches, keeping a watchful eye so they don't brown too quickly. To achieve the delicate curved shape, drape the cookies over a rolling pin while still warm.

Butterhorns

International Cookies for The Great Cookie Exchange

Pizzelle: The Italian Cookie

The special press needed to shape these unique cookies is easily found in kitchenware stores. You'll want to lightly grease it before using to prevent sticking. Give this Italian cookie recipe a try at your next family get-together.

International Cookies for The Great Cookie Exchange

Chinese Almond Cookies

Traditionally served during the holidays and Chinese New Year, these crumbly melt-in-your-mouth cookies have three layers of almond flavour. Ground almonds add a hint of crunch, almond extract lends a sweet aroma and whole almonds make for a pretty garnish.

International Cookies for The Great Cookie Exchange

Kourambiedes

Each of these almond shortbreads is studded with a whole clove, a symbol of the Magi's gift of spices to the Christ Child. Kourambiedes are served in the Greek community not only at Christmas, but also christenings, weddings, name days — in fact, at all festive occasions.

International Cookies for The Great Cookie Exchange

Linzer Cookies

These jam-filled sandwich cookies are based on one of Austria's most famous desserts, the Linzertorte. For soft, chewy cookies, assemble a day in advance. For crispier cookies, sandwich the same day as serving.

International Cookies for The Great Cookie Exchange

Rugalahs

Rugalahs are one of the most requested Hanukkah cookies, now popular year-round. When the nut and fruit crescents bake, they ooze ever so slightly, and this rich filling gets crisp and caramel-like around the crescents.

International Cookies for The Great Cookie Exchange

Festive Fortune Cookies

These crispy cookies are far easier to make than you might think, thanks to our simple shaping trick (hint: it involves the rim of a glass!). Write your own personalized messages on notepaper and fold them into the cookies for a heartwarming end to a festive meal.