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Re: Don't tell Sam to come downstairs

I would say "Don't tell Sam to come downstairs, would you?" The addition of would you makes it a request rather than an order. Will you is also okay, but to me it seems slightly more towards command than request.

2. As in 1 they both soften the request but would you softens more than will you. Won't you is even softer than would you in my opinion.

Re: Don't tell Sam to come downstairs

You mean only a positive tag question(would you) works for positive imperative like 1(Tell~),
but both positive and negative tag questions (would you/will you/won't you) work for negative imperative like 2(Don't tell~), right?