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> Where do you get all the supplicants with crazy, stupid names? Or is> it one supplicant with all those names? I'm referring to this list> I've assembled from my work for you over the years, as I toil in your> carnation wearhouse:>> Harmswaggle W. Foggmorton> Earnest "Lightpole" Flycatcher> Leegle Summons, JD> Natasha X. Williamsonburg> Alfonso Curioso> Zelda Pruneswallow> Xerxes X. Xanthippe> Javier Xavier> Todomundo Youtophia>> Those are just a few of them. Granted, you get requests from people> everywhere, dozens or thousands every day, but the ones yclept Jane> Smith or Harvey Jones never see fit to reveal their names. On the> other hand, idiots who have been blessed or baptized with silly,> dactylic or sesquipedalian nomenclature can hardly wait to destroy> their anonymity. "Harmswaggle W. Foggmorton" indeed! I wonder what his> (or her) name really was?

} Higgledy piggledy,} Yes, they are pseudonyms.} Their true identities?} Who needs to know?}} Who cares to read about} Garden-variety} Names such as Johnny and} Mary and Joe?}} Plus, they have reasons to} Maintain their privacy.} Outcasts and misfits by} Word and by deed,}} Overpromiscuous} (Some), they need secrecy.} As a ferinstance, well,} Here's one to read:}} Harmswaggle Foggmorton} Wrote to the Oracle:} "Whores do not satisfy,} Answer me, quick!" ** redacted}} Thus spake the Oracle:} "Suffer not, supplicant,} Autofellatio} Will do the 'trick'."}} There, you can see that the} Oracle answers the} Questions Dear Abby won't} Touch with a pole}} (Ten foot or otherwise).} Now that I've answered this,} You owe the Oracle} Praise for his role.

} Mais oui!}} Think of the waiter in your local French restaurant, or <<restaurant} francais>> as the sign out in front says. (There's a stringy little} comma hanging from the "c" but ignore it, because it's only purpose is} to intimidate you.)}} The French waiter is there to serve you. To serve you a French dinner.} He lives for the chance to serve mankind. But how does he do this?}} He looks down his French nose, honks some words in French, and waits} impatiently for you to reply. Clearly his masterly pose is intended to} intimidate you into ordering something adventuresome, something that,} were it translated, you would never allow it to think of touching your} lips. Frogs' eyeballs stuffed with snail eggs or something like that.} This is his mission, to get you to try the specialite du maison,} without a soupcon of suspicion of what it is. (The soupcon also has one} of those stringy commas on the c, for no apparent reason.)}} You ask for a bowl of the soupcon. The waiter sneers disapprovingly.}} You point to the item on the bottom of the menu. At least it does not} have an outrageous price listed beside it. The waiter disappears, and} shows up again with another man two minutes later. You discover that} you have just ordered the chef. The waiter relaxes, basking in his} accomplishment. He knows that in about 30 more seconds you will order} the frogs' eyeballs stuffed with snail eggs. It will cost you $175 to} get out of the restaurant, and you will recommend it to your friends.

} Well, first of all, you should already have finished reading this} excellent synopsis of the details of shared objects:}}http://www.ibm.com/developerworks/library/l-shobj/}} Additionally, you should be using the 'file' command to ascertain that} your object is what you think it is. For example, if you say}} file `which nm`}} you will find that nm's binary is stripped.}} There is a good chance that}} nm -D `which nm`}} will give you exactly what you are seeking.}} You owe the Oracle some nice Ziljian cymbals, or (failing that) Avedis} Ziljian's formula for making base metals into gold. NOT the opposite,} please! The Oracle has mistakenly turned too much gold into lead. How} do you think he got stuck in this question business, anyway?

} The Hardly Boys} in} The Pusillanimous Portal}} Chapter 1}} Joe Hardly stared at his darker-haired older brother. "What} does pusillanimous even mean, Frank? It sounds dirty."}} "Got me," Frank Hardly said to his younger, lighter-haired} brother, "they just come up with the title and we go with} it. Anyway, I have a hunch that Dad has been kidnapped by} spies."}} "Why would he be kidnapped?" asked the blond younger brother} Joe Hardly. "Maybe he's just out on a case. Or maybe he went} to the bank - I saw him making goo-goo eyes at that new female} secretary the other day - imagine that, women working in} banks nowadays. Besides, he's only been gone for ten minutes."}} "I told you. It's a HUNCH. Let's go," exclaimed the older} yet much browner-haired Frank Hardly.}} The two boys, both hirsute but the younger with much lighter-} hued tresses than the elder, ran outside to their motorcycles,} which they had bought with the 'reward' money earned in their} previous adventure, "The Case Of The Suspiciously Friendly Old} Man Down At The End Of High Street At The Other End From Where} They Live."}} Their speedometers crept to twenty-five, as they raced madly} across town. When they reached Barmet Bay, they stopped.} "Where are we headed, anyway?" blond Joe Hardly asked.}} "I don't know," brown-haired Frank Hardly said sheepishly.}} "Let's try the old Aperture Science building, back in Bayport} on Shore Road. I happened to see Dad left the phone book open} to the 'S' page - maybe he was giving us a clue that the} kidnappers took him there."}} "Or maybe he had just recently phoned that guy at the Comic} Relief Defective Agency, Oscar Smuff."}} "Look, I can have hunches too, can't I?" said light-haired} Joe.}} "Fine, fine, have it your own way. Let the baby have his} bottle, wah wah. Let's go. And, can we drop all the} references to our hair for a while?" said the non-descript} Frank Hardly.}} "Suits me fine and dandy," said the equally non-descript, yet} not totally similar looking, Joe Hardly.}} "Smuff," Frank laughed cruelly. "Is that even a real name?} It sounds dirty. Pusillanimous, even."}} Chapter 2}} Frank and Joe Hardly hopped off their motorcycles when they} reached Shore Road. "Look, we'd better get into the plot.} This was supposed to be about that Portal Xbox game," stated} Frank Hardly.}} Chapter 3}} The.}} Chapter 4}} "Do you suppose this old Aperture Science factory is haunted,} like in a 1930's movie?" his brother Joe asked nervously.}} "Creepy old houses are haunted; factories are where the bad} guys hang out, especially abandoned factories. Get your memes} straight," chided Frank. "Oh, and we're only in the *1920s*.} And finally, you don't start a chapter without an antecedent,} for instance if you say 'his brother'."}} "Right, right," said Joe meekly.}} They tried the door handle and it opened with a creak. They} walked in, and after they took two steps, the door banged} shut behind them. They tried the handle in the pitch dark,} and to their horror it was locked from outside now. Clearly} OSHA needed to come take a look at matters.}} A bone-chilling shriek chilled the boys nearly to the bone.}} "Sorry, I thought this was a Nancy Drool story for a moment,"} Joe apologized. "I panicked."}} "The writers are the same broads, for all the series," Frank} observed wryly, forgetting he was still in scene. "Franklin} W. Bulwer, and Carolyn Lytton, my foot. Too bad the publisher} doesn't give more than 24 hours to crank these stories out.} Practically an Internet Oracularity, these things."}} Frank fumbled for a moment in the dark, then snapped on his} portable electric headlamp.}} "*ALL* headlamps are portable, doofus," Joe corrected.} "Besides, why the h-e-double-toothpicks do you just happen} to have one with you?"}} "It's part of the Defectives' Code, which Dad made us swear} to, remember? 'Always bring a headlamp when entering a} haunted factory.'"}} "Hah. You said haunted, Shinola head. It's abandoned."}} "Fudge you.... hey look, we're trapped. No way out of this} empty room."}} "Then I guess that's why I brought this handheld portal device,} which Dad gave to us last week but didn't explain why."}} "Portable portals? Say that fast, five times," Frank kidded.}} "That. That. That. That. That. Gimme ten bucks," Joe} responded. Frank grudgingly handed over their standard bet.}} Joe aimed the device, which was handheld and was used to create} portals, and pushed the button.}} Immediately a blue portal, created by the handheld device that} Joe held in his hand, opened up in the far wall. Or maybe it} was orange. Through it, the boys could see various devices,} and in the distance could be seen the outline of a large cube.}} "Looks safe enough," Joe said, and jumped through.}} "What do you see?" Frank called through the blue portal, or} perhaps it was orange.}} "Mostly devices," Joe replied through his side of the orange} portal, or maybe blue, "not many of them handheld. I'd guess} they're plot devices. And some cubes."}} Frank jumped through, joining his blond brother. The portal} disappeared behind him as he arrived. "How did it know to} wait until I used it too, before it closed?"}} "I had the setting on '2'," Joe said. "And I thought we} weren't going to mention the hair thing anymore."}} "My bad. Hey, what's that over there?"}} The boys were interrupted by a disembodied voice, which was} reasonable since there weren't any other bodies nearby except} their own.}} "Unbelievable. You, Frank and Joe Hardly, must be the pride} of Bayport. ... Ah, I see we fixed that bug where the names} and the home town weren't being properly rendered. Sweet.} This was a triumph. I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS.} It's hard to overstate my satisfaction."}} "Set that to music and I'll dance to it," Joe commented.}} "Pride of Bayport? And how. Chief Collig and Biff Hooper} think we're pretty swell," Frank said. In a stage-whisper} aside to his brother, he snickered "Biff? Really?!? That's} his first name? Lucky he's not Oscar Smuff's kid."}} "And Iola Morton," Joe chimed in, "she thinks I'm the bee's} knees too. I'm about to get to second base with that one,} and soon, and maybe after that I'll prove to her that I'm a} natural blond, and show her my *own* 'Pride of Bayport', if} I do say so myself."}} "You leave Iola out of this," the digitally enhanced voice} threatened, although being disembodied it didn't really have} a way to shake a fist or anything.}} "I think that disembodied yet digitally enhanced voice sounds} strangely familiar," Frank said thoughtfully.}} "I think so too, I think," Joe said after a moment's thought.}} Suddenly Frank was toppled by a heavy yet fat person dropping} down on him, probably from the ceiling or a rafter, no wait,} one of those cat walks that haunted factories always have.}} "Abandoned," Joe reminded, "not haunted."}} Definitely from above, in any case.}} "Jeepers, Chet!" Frank wheezed, "it can't be anybody but you.} Get off of me. I can't breathe. You must weigh a ton."}} "I'm only 130 pounds," Chet Morton, the fat butt of their} gang's good-natured jokes and ribbings and criminal} harassment, said in a hurt tone of voice.}} "Yeah, 130. In base 16," Joe said. "I'M FINE!" he added} irrelevantly.}} "Shoot him," Frank said, "use that handheld device you've} been holding in your hand."}} Joe aimed the handheld portal device squarely at the round} figure on top of his brother. "It's not working!" he} exclaimed.}} "Safety is one of many Enrichment Center goals. You can't} hurt me with it," Chet Morton gloated.}} "Or maybe it's because you're aiming squarely and he's round,"} said Frank. "Never mind. Throw one of those giants cubes at} him."}} Joe did so, but the object passed through Chet Morton as} though not even real. "It's not even real," the guy they} called Stringbean and Einstein behind his back and sometimes} to his face said gloatingly.}} Joe looked around desperately. In desperation, he noticed} a three-layer chocolate cake on a serving plate. With no} other options, he hurled the cake desperately at their} ex-chum.}} The desperate heave struck the medically obese ex-chum} directly in the face, knocking him off of Frank. The} selfish tub of lard then greedily began eating the pieces} of cake that lay about him.}} "That really was a cake," he gloated. "No lie."}} "I was afraid it might be just a trendy rock band from} Sacramento," said Joe.}} "Stop gloating," Frank said, "we've beaten you, Chet."}} "I'm not Chet. I'm CHeT," said Chet, no longer gloating.}} "That's what Frank said," Joe said.}} "Do you always have to interrupt?" Frank complained. "I} can speak for myself. It's not like it's super tedious if} I get to speak twice in a row, once in a blue moon. But} yeah, you're name is Chet, that's what I said."}} "That's what *I* said," Joe grumbled sotto voce.}} "No. CHeT stands for Continuous Heterodyne Test, or some} technical sounding name, they never quite told me. I'm} a computer. Oops, robot, a robot from Mars - this is,} what, 1927? And now you've defeated me, and all of} Aperture Science. We did what we must because we could.} For the good of all of us. Except the ones who are dead.} Which now includes us. Oh well, no use crying over every} mistake, you just keep trying, 'til you run out of...."}} And with that, ChEt or cheT or whatever, turned himself} off.}} "Didn't catch that last word, what was it? Sake? That's} just Japanese rice wine. Must have been 'steak'. Anyway,} kind of catchy; someone should put that to music too,"} Joe commented with a grin.}} "Huh, I always figured it would be a pie that would be his} undoing. Not a cake," Frank observed with a grin, thinking} about how Callie Shaw would run her fingers through his} dark hair; she was much hotter than Iola, who shared some} of Chet's genetics after all, though he had to admit} that Callie came out second best to Iola in the chestal} department.}} "Pretty pusillanimous of him. Guess we should have seen} this one coming from a mile away, considering how, in our} adventure last time, Aunt GeRTRude turned out to be 'Genetic} Real Time something or other,' a robot from the Moon," young} and blond-haired Joe Hardly said with a grin, thinking about} his next makout session with Iola.}} "Well, that'll be nothing, compared to our next adventure,} 'The Case Of The Chums Who Get Locked In The Basement And} Come Out Of The Closet,'" decrepit and dark-haired Frank} Hardly said with a grin, thinking of his brother's imminent} dismay when he found out first-hand that one of Iola's} nipples was inverted.}} "The Aperture Science Enrichment Center is committed to the} well-being of all participants. Cake (no Lie!) and Grief} Counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test.} Thank you for helping us help you help us robots," Defective} Fenton Hardly said to his sons with a grin, thinking about} the sizable deposit he had just left at the bank.}} "Nooooooo!!!!" Frank and Joe Hardly screamed with a grin.}} Chapter 5}} The end.}} You owe the Oracle the recipe for chocolate coconut pecan} peanut butter malted milk alpha resin ethyl benzene 'how} to kill someone with your bare hands' rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb} rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb sediment flavored fish shaped cake.

> Adam West always seemed so sanguine and laid back. He gave no> indication that he started out by clutching a blue flower and climbing> to the top of a snowy Tibetan mountain to a temple with a Kung-Fu high> priest so that Liam Neeson could beat the shit out of him and teach him> to become a Ninja master. And to be frank, I found the whole thing to> be faintly ridiculous and cliche.>> Was all that crap added years later (ie. revisionism), or was it there> from the beginning? ie.over the years, have pious frauds expanded the> Batman story and added lies and legends to it? Have historians and> scholars ever produced a definitive history of Batman that peels away> any such myths in order to get at the kernel of Batman's history? A> "quest for the historical Batman" a la Schweitzer?

} The Quest of the Historical Adam West} A Critical Study of its Progress from Gorshin to Newmar} by T. I. Oracle} with apologies to Albert Schweitzer}} WHEN, AT SOME FUTURE DAY, OUR PERIOD OF CIVILISATION SHALL LIE,} closed and completed, before the eyes of later generations,} American Television will stand out as a great, a unique,} phenomenon in the mental and spiritual life of our time. For} nowhere save in the broadcast temperament can there be found,} in the same perfection, the living complex of conditions and} factors of philosophic thought, critical acumen, historical} insight, and outright star-worship, without which no deep} philosophy is possible.}} And the greatest achievement of American Television is the} critical investigation of the life of Adam West. What it has} accomplished here has laid down the conditions and determined} the course of the philosophic thinking of the future.}} The history of the study of the life of Adam West has hitherto} received surprisingly little attention. Rex Reed, in his Life} of Adam West of 1971, briefly records the previous attempts to} deal with the subject. Gene Siskel, himself one of the most} distinguished students in this department, in his "Progress of} Adam West," 1997, gives some information regarding "the most} notable biographies of West of the last thirty years." In the} year 2000 Pauline Kael treated together the four major Lives} of Adam West by Gorshin, Meredith, Romero and Newmar; in 2006} Roger Ebert, in his "History of Adam West," extended an earlier} lecture to include the works of Buono, Liberace, and Price,} among the less celebrated early students of this topic; and he} described, in a short essay, the progress of the study up to} the effort of Gabor which ended the classical period of 1966-} 1968. A new study, "Adam West in the Twenty First-Century,"} is in editing stages at this time.}} You would need years to thoroughly study and understand these} monumental works. However, to answer your question, Adam West} did not need to make an arduous trek to Tibet for his training.} He had only to travel from Walla Walla, Washington to Hawaii,} and on the seminal TV series El Kini Popo Show a chimpanzee} trained West in the martial arts. Since this resulted in} rather weak combat skills, West apparently devised the Pow!,} Bam! and Biff! motifs to trick his adversaries into believing} they had been dealt crushing blows.}} Christian Bale, less cleverly, indeed did travel to Tibet to} achieve a similar effect. A much poorer actor, obviously.}} You owe the Oracle an umbrella, some greasepaint, a unitard} with a question mark, and most importantly a catsuit.

} Yes, the supplicant's heartbeat remains steady, but the} brain scan continues to show this:}} .......................................................................}} You owe the Oracle a word with Microsoft.

} Valentine's Day? Easter and Halloween? Why, EVERY day} is Candy Day at the Temple of the Oracle. We enjoy a big} bowl of jelly beans for breakfast, chocolate bunnies for} a mid-morning snack, starlight mints at lunch, marshmallow} chicks in the afternoon, candy corn and circus peanuts for} dinner, and that still leaves peppermint gumdrops for a} late evening snack while watching TV.}} In other news, Lisa has been diagnosed with adult-onset} diabetes, Zadoc died last week from insulin shock, Og's} last tooth fell out, and I am tipping the scales at a} svelte 790 pounds. So we're all pretty much enjoying} the nutritional benefits of this diet.}} You owe the Oracle a motorized wheelchair.