Lease Application for Millennials

Why are you leaving current residence? _Parents kicked me out. _Amicable parting from parents (it was just time).

VEHICLE

Do you own a car? _Yes. _Not anymore.

CREDIT INFORMATION

Parents’ bank-account number:

When have they sworn they would “cut you off” by?

Do you understand what “credit” means? _Yes. _It’s like store credit, when you return something.

GENERAL INFORMATION

Do you smoke? _Yes. _Well, I don’t smoke cigarettes.

Do you have any pets? _No. But I can’t wait until things are stable enough for me to get a dog. Not like a big dog, but maybe a Boston terrier or something. _No. I don’t, like, get animals…

Do you own any musical instruments? If so: (a) Have you ever played bass in a band? (b) Do you stay in touch with your bandmates? (c) Even Steve? (d) How often do they come to town? (e) Can Steve stay somewhere else?

What kind of parties do you throw? _Loud and rage-fuelled. _Quietly ironic.

Have you ever been convicted of any crimes? If so, please explain: _Illegally download episodes of “Homeland.” _Perform illegal U-turns when there seem to be no cops around. _Is it a crime to hook up with random people?

How soon do you plan on reneging your lease? _0–2 months. This is cheaper than a sublet. _2–4 months. I have too many auditions scheduled for my acting career to not take off by then. _4–6 months. My boyfriend promised he’d be ready to commit to a one-bedroom as soon as he gets published. _Indefinite. Whenever my parents forget about the car thing.

Photograph: Sizwe Ndingane/The Times/Gallo Images/Getty.

Ethan Kuperberg is a filmmaker and a writer for the TV series “Transparent,” which recently won five Emmy Awards.