When He Has Someone New, and It’s Not You

ASK MEwith Megan Weks

It’s that feeling of being knocked in the gut so hard that you can’t breathe or speak. You’ve done something you know very well you should not have done. You checked up on your ex’s social media photos and saw the unthinkable. Another woman!

This is pretty high up there amongst the top 10 worst feelings ever. It’s as bad as losing your job or getting bad news from the doctor. Yes, it feels that awful. It’s normal to have the urge to crawl into a deep hole and never come out again. You could actually allow your mind to run wild and overflow with pity and self-loathing. You could lie in bed and just bawl your head off for longer than you’d like to admit to anyone.

Because I’ve faced this despicable feeling multiple times in my love life, I can tell you that the cliché is true: What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. As with everything you encounter in life, the right coping skills can make all the difference. Here are some steps:

Don’t stuff it down. You feel hurt, for sure. You feel rejected. You feel less than. You feel godawful. So grab that journal, pen and paper, or word processing document and let it all flow out. Allow every last thought that comes to your mind to flow out onto the paper. Don’t hold back anything, because you will be the only person to read this journal entry. Write for thirty minutes to an hour until no more thoughts come up regarding this situation. The act of journaling is extremely cathartic; it can help you permanently remove the thoughts that would have been swimming around for days inside of your head. Now it’s time to increase the quality of your thoughts.

Reframing. This relationship is over for a reason. Something about the relationship was either broken or was simply not right for you. The sooner you can accept this fact and continue to take steps toward your own goals, the better off you will be. Spending time moping over a person who has clearly moved on is going to hold you back from your own love destiny. Realize that your number one criterion is that the person you want also wants you and sees you as their “one and only.” If this ex does not see you as such, then he is simply not worthy of you anymore. This mindset suggests that you must get out there and find the person who does want you…and only you. That person is out there! What steps can you take today to move closer to that yet unknown man?

Reflecting. This is the time to get really clear on what you want in your next partner. Write down the fifteen qualities you want, and also the three top deal-breakers. Then check in with yourself to make sure that you have a healthy outlook on finding love. Take your relationship fitness temperature by asking yourself this series of questions: 1) Do I deserve a great partner whom I’m attracted to and whom I respect greatly? 2) Will I truly be able to find love? 3) Am I enough to attract a great partner just as I am? If you are not answering these questions with high-level confidence, it’s a hint that some self-loving is in order. You must believe in order to achieve. You must know that you are worthy of love in order to attract and maintain a high-quality relationship with a high-quality partner.

“You must know that you are worthy of love in order to attract and maintain a high-quality relationship with a high-quality partner.”

Love thyself. You have everything inside of you right now to enable you to heal yourself, and to attract and keep the right partner. It’s when we fully accept ourselves that we are most attractive to a high-quality partner who wants to admire and adore us. Make a list of any doubts that came up during the above question exercise and keep them in your journal. Make a list of what you think may be holding you back from love. What can you do today to improve any of your perceived shortcomings? As soon you start to take action toward improving these items, you will feel better. This helps you project higher-quality energy out into the world to attract higher-quality people into your life. Lastly, wrap your arms around yourself in a strong embrace for six seconds. Close your eyes. Give yourself a loving hug of acceptance and tell yourself that you are worthy of love just as you are right now. Do this every day for at least thirty days.
By now you have the action steps to face the dreaded moment if your ex has moved on to someone new. This is a turning point in your healing process. It’s a hint that now it’s your turn to take the steps to move on and go find the right love that’s yours.

Megan Weks is an international dating and relationship expert who specializes in helping women get the admiration they deserve from men, and to keep it. She is a certified specialist in her field, but one of her biggest credentials is her personal story. Living in New York City for over a decade, Megan has had the opportunity to meet and date many different men. Through working with a relationship guru, she literally changed from crumb-picking and obsessing over men who didn’t deserve her, to being called a “man whisperer” who men (including her now-husband) would never leave. Megan’s career is devoted to helping women who struggle with the men in their lives, to turn it all around and keep the men they desire. Megan coaches individual women in intense programs with her proven Lean Back for Love System and principles. She also runs a private online woman’s discussion group where women are supported with these principles. You can connect with her on her website www.meganweks.com. LVBX readers are also eligible to receive a complimentary feminine energy mini-session. Reach out to her on Twitter or Facebook, and subscribe to her LVBX LIVE videos and join her Facebook group The Sovereign Jewel Sisterhood.

Megan’s Philosophy: Lean Back (definition) – The posture of a fully self-actualized woman, which allows men and their energies to flow toward her. She is focused on herself and her life as an individual, in preparation and willingness to receive her greatest love in return.