Cycling and depression: can riding help beat the ‘black dog’?

by Justin Coulson

November 17, 2015

Photography by Jered & Ashley Gruber

For those who have never experienced depression, it is nearly impossible to understand. The mentally healthy among us try to help those with depression with well-meaning advice (or hurtful barbs) dispensed in a manly manner: “Harden up mate. Drink some concrete.” Or “he just needs to get over it.”

For those with depression, it is best described as being in a deep, dark hole with no way out. It feels as though you are letting everyone down and there is nothing that can be done. You want to climb the walls, but a search for the motivation to start climbing leaves you feeling empty. The gradual greying out of all that matters leaves the depressed person feeling nothing. Just despair.

But it doesn’t work for everyone. Exercise seems to be best used as a management strategy for people with mild or moderate depression rather than a certain way to wellbeing.

***

Many of us have friends whose battle with the ‘black-dog‘ has been won, with cycling and being on the bike oft-credited as ‘the reason’. One of my mates lost his wife to cancer. Cycling, he says, kept him sane and stopped him living in his bedroom for the rest of his life. Another two got through messy, painful, depressive episodes brought on by divorce by getting on the bike and riding.

But as the evidence shows, being on the bike (or exercise in general) may not always be the answer.

Search2retain-health.com.au cyclist, Tim Guy, has documented how depression and anxiety affected him, with time on the bike (and the corresponding performance expectations) making things worse. In his words:

“After I made it to junior worlds and had been racing overseas it all got too much. I struggled with riding and feeling endlessly anxious… and then everything fell apart. It wasn’t just the performance anxiety. I thought I was alright and then this weight would sink over me.

“I couldn’t even get on my bike. I really wanted to want to race. But I just couldn’t. It was so confusing. I mean, if you want to walk away, that makes sense. But I didn’t want to walk away. I wanted to race but something was stopping me.”

Tim described how he hated the thought of getting up the next morning. He could feel the weight of tomorrow’s burdens today. He felt tomorrow’s pain now, and then tomorrow hit and he felt it all over again. He had to will himself to get up, to put on kit. He had to force himself to put his leg over his bike, clip into his pedals, and ride.

Tim stopped racing and went to university. He still felt depressed. Not the “I feel sad” kind of depression. The “I’m in a black hole and I can’t move” depression. He broke up with his girlfriend. He still felt the same depression. He took time off the bike completely. Even with medication, things deteriorated.

“In order to get through it, hiding it wasn’t an option. I had to learn to talk to people.”

After Tim’s extended break, he decided (with some coaxing from a new team and his coach, Mark Windsor) to return to racing.

“I didn’t leave cycling because I didn’t want to race. I really wanted to race. I just couldn’t. I had to come back and finish the business. It’s taken four years to come back.

“At the start I couldn’t ride for more than 5 minutes without the weight holding heavy over me. I’d just get off the bike and go back inside. I hated the sport. But I knew it wasn’t cycling that was doing it to me.

“I came back and barely raced in my first year back with search2retain-health.com.au. My team were so supportive. It’s taken time – a long time. But now, I can actually think about a future of riding that has enjoyment.

“I saw no hope before. Now, I see a future in cycling and I am starting to find it enjoyable again.”

Hope is a key factor in overcoming depression. It’s powerfully linked to wellbeing. So is a sense of making a meaningful contribution in life – or living a life with purpose. Tim adds that he feels better about life because he’s sharing his story with others and it’s making a difference in the lives of others who suffer depression.

“I love being able to give back a bit. There’s a benefit in having the platform I have and being able to talk about cycling and share my story with depression and anxiety. People are affected by stuff I’m saying and that makes me feel good that I can make a difference.”

“I’ve lost the feeling of the stress about how I could ever race at a high level again. It’s a massive adjustment in performance expectations. But now I know I don’t have to win the race this weekend. I just have to go and participate in the process. Learn. Do what I can.”

***

If exercise really did prevent depression, cyclists should be among the happiest people there are. And the professionals would be top of the heap. But it’s not that simple. High-profile cyclists have faced significant depression battles. Tyler Hamilton, Marco Pantani, perhaps Sir Bradley Wiggins, are each on record as having significant mental illness issues. Retired, controversial riders like Bjarne Riis have also struggled.

In several cases, performance goals, drug use, and other factors likely contributed. But not for all (such as Wiggins). There are likely many others who simply choose not to speak about it and battle their demons alone (or at least out of the public eye).

Of course female professionals aren’t immune. When German powerhouse Ina-Yoko Teutenberg retired from professional cycling in 2014, she left the sport as one of the most respected riders in the women’s peloton, with more than 200 victories on her palmares. Her retirement, however, was far from planned.

A hard crash the year prior to her retirement led to a severe concussion. At the same time, she struggled with depression. Teutenberg left the sport on terms other than her own. Her concussion would take the remainder of the 2013 season to heal. Her road to mental recovery is still in progress.

Clara Hughes is a six-time Olympic medalist in cycling and speed skating; the only athlete in history to win multiple medals in both Summer and Winter Games. She has been outspoken about her issues with depression. By sharing past struggles with depression, Hughes hopes to help break down the stigma associated with mental illness. She recently published a book about her career and mental health struggles.

***

Reading between the lines, it becomes clear that depression and other mental health issues are not caused or eliminated by any obvious, simple solutions like ‘ride your bike more’. Pressure, alcohol and other drugs, anxiety, relationships, loneliness, status, and biology all contribute to and predict mental health issues in one way or another.

But what about the rest of us – the punters? Getting on the bike might fix some people. But in Tim Guy’s case, the past three years have felt like he’s going backwards. It’s only in the past six months that the grey, heavy fog has been lifting.

“These days I’m enjoying riding. But it has taken me three and a half years of my comeback to feel this way.”

The bike offers an escape for many of us, whether we experience depression or not. But the black dog shadows the bike no matter how fast the paceline or how steep the descent. As Tim Guy suggested, “recovery doesn’t mean getting rid of the problem, but it might mean being able to function again while managing the depression.”

While cycling can improve our outlook, provide a new focus, foster goal attainment, offer something to savour and a host of other protective benefits I’ve written about previously on Cycling Tips, we still need to deal with our stuff. For some of us, the bike might take that away. For others, starting a conversation with someone might be all we need to get help.

If you’re struggling with depression, get help. Talk about it. Reach out to Beyond Blue here, or Lifeline here.

About the author

Dr Justin Coulson speaks to professionals and parents about positivity – at work, at home, in life. He and his wife are the parents of six children. He rides less than he used to – and he’s finally ok with that. You can read more of his work at his website and you can connect with him on Facebook and on Twitter.

Matt, your experience resonates with that of several people I spoke to for this article. The evidence suggests it can help alleviate that depressive symptomatology.

To Be

Thank you for sharing. To me, it’s often very hard to get on the bike in a hard phase: It actually takes me hours to manage to get ready for a ride: I get up earlier, but that burden slows me down in everything I do. I have to force myself not to think but to do one step after the other until I truly and really sit on my bicycle. Sometimes, it’s late afternoon by then. – Once I’m pedaling, it’s often much easier even though at times, I have to struggle through a training or two until I can find kind of a rhythm. Then, I still feel bad after training. Nevertheless, I know it’s part of the way I have to follow to keep sane and healthy and not give in to the dark hole trying to suck everything in.

It’s not just destraction (as mentioned in comments below), but rather a way of shovelling time free for my head to breathe, also of getting myself back into moving mode in general, and finding new trust in basic abilities such as physical power and endurance that help me get on in general. Also, it’s a good means to get rid of surplus energy and restlessness.

Blair C.

In an article like this it would be worth mentioning Jessica Douglas, both as a person who openly deals with depression and the great work she and her husband Norm do to raise awareness with events like ‘Chase The Dog’

Great point Blair. I wish there was room to mention everyone who does great work in this area. There were far too many examples to squeeze into an already expanded word-limit. Thanks for mentioning it.

Gaffer

Good article Justin however, there is plenty of room to mention blackdoginstitute.org

takethattakethat

I think cycling can be an escape more than anything. But that is not to say whatever issues one has are not present once they got off the saddle.

It’s a great way to create some distance from problems for many people. But genuine psychological distress (such as that found in depression or anxiety) will typically – though not always – require additional coping mechanisms and strategies. Avoidance and distraction alone are not enough. Combining avoidance and distraction with other thing cycling can provide, such as a strong sense of cultural identity, great relationships, goals and something to work towards, a chance to talk, something to savour, and so on can all aid in recovery.

jules

there’s a theory that the flood of information present in today’s world is overloading human minds and contributing to depression/anxiety. cycling is a practical means of simplifying things, getting away from the clutter and focusing on just riding.

Superpilot

Indeed, the need for more stuff, improved stuff, the frantic pace of life, keeping up with the joneses. These are all social constructs. Even the culture around cycling, self-deprecating, someone always faster, all the new stuff coming out all the time, consume consume consume. BUT, when you throw your leg over and start to pedal, you could be riding in any gear on any bike, and still be able to enjoy yourself. For me, it’s the act of cycling, and as someone highlighted, the socialising with new groups of people, that brings the benefits for me.

Sean parker

Well done for bringing out this serious topic into a space that occasionally celebrates the superficial (I’m looking at you: bikes from the bunch).

I’d just like to point out, even though it is tangential to depression per se, the mental health benefits of exercise plus the benefits of social connectivity that cycling provides many people.

This is especially important, it seems, in men as they age and reduce social connectiveness.

So next time you see a bunch of fat mamils celebrate the cardiovascular and mental health benefits they are enjoying…

Dale Smith

Deep down we’re all superficial. ;0)

Dale Smith

I have a close friend who suffers depression and cycling has helped him go from a dose of 300 thingamijigs 2 years ago down to 37.5 now. Lower drug intake means less side effects such as putting on weight (which can add to the depression and reduce the capacity and desire to exercise. Kind of a catch22).
I’ve found it incredibly painful to watch my mate suffer – I’ve felt helpless to do anything! But we’ve done this riding thing together and it’s inspiring to see him now having more victories than defeats.
The black dog is always in the background but exercise seems to be at least one tool in the arsenal to keep it at bay.
The magic bullet? No. But a bullet none the less.

Scott

Having faced this problem myself i know it all to clearly. Do i want to ride today? The hardest part is getting out the front door then it usually all falls into place but pair it with racing and alot more things happen. Am i good enough, will i get dropped, is it worth it, will i even be there at the finish ect ect. Depression is a real killer and id hazard a guess that atleast 10% of people you ride/race against are battling it so for them to even show up is a big effort for them. God only knows its stopped me from racing on many occasions.

Scott the issues around performance are one of the critical challenges in this space. Looking at the lives of the pros and even Tim Guy who I spoke with for this article we see more and more anecdotal evidence that a heavy performance orientation only create more anxiety and depression. That is consistent with what I wrote in a previous article about performance orientation compare to a mastery orientation. While we enjoy competition under normal circumstances, if we are dealing with some form of clinical psycho pathology like depression, competition can be the worst thing and drive us away from things that elevate well-being and reduce depression

Annie.

So very true!

Ralph

I sense cycling is probably also an escape from depression as much as an aid in defeating it, also an escape from reality in a sense, similar to travelling

MarkL

Not sure that I’ve ever had true depression, but cycling certainly killed off anxiety/panic attack issues I was having several years ago.

CC

Hey Justin, pro cyclists are most likely extremists, not sure they are good examples. Strava could also be a sleeper, igniting cycling related depression.

Yes. Bringing it back to the punters – ordinary men and women who like to ride – should mean reduced performance orientation and greater reductions in mental illness, ideally with a corresponding increase in wellbeing.

jules

I use Strava, but I just don’t get how people can take it that seriously. I’ve never known anyone to admit that.

An excellent article and this is probably the best way of explaining depression I’ve seen – “Not the “I feel sad” kind of depression. The “I’m in a black hole and I can’t move” depression.”

Tim Cheshire

Keith McRae @GKam84 has just been declined for a non-paying job mechanic role at a Women’s cycling team due to a rider objecting to his admission of depression. Have a look at his Twitter account for a copy of the email.

Wow. Staggering. We had a team member mention you have depression so we won’t hire you. Good luck with your illness.

Who writes that?

I’m sure that being told you’re not good enough is going to do wonders with the illness. Give someone a sense of purpose and they may be more successful in that fight. That email shows there is still a long way to go

To Be

…. and how ignorant people can be. :(

not good

Grounds for discrimination against someone with an illness?
Poor form either way. The least you could do is give a performance based reason for not landing the job.

jules

wow, ignorance and stupidity on a grand scale. we probably haven’t learned anything new here.

Bex

Great article Justin and CT. i’m pleased that you look at times when cycling hasn’t been helpful to some of the subjects. People often hear about how good exercise is (and it is good) and try and pass that on to people who are depressed. The trouble being when some of those who are depressed try to exercise and don’t feel the benefits everyone’s talking about, they can feel worse like there’s something extra wrong with them, and can be put off all together. It’s really nice to see such a well put together article on this.

Damien Cook

Great story and hopefully it will help some one out there who is not quiet right. Panic/Anxiety and Depression (not always together in a package) is a shocker if you get it. I know. Takes help and a lot of work to get on top of it. It is not easy. Please if you have doubts go to your GP as a start and if needed they will refer you on to more help. Take it seriously and life can return. Riding is a good base to get a feeling of the immediate and ground in the present. It can just come out of the blue for no real reason. If this you good luck with it. Ride Safe.

Wazza

Just completed the Peaks Challenge Cradle Mountain as a goal to move from an incredibly dark place, it’s took a monumental effort to get there but I achieved the goal and have had some improvement in my general wellbeing. One of the biggest issues I faced was that the fatigue associated with the training load for an event like PCCM exacerbated my depression and anxiety and at times the very goal that I was trying to achieve took me further away from being mentally healthy. although immensely proud of my achievement I need to reassess where my limits are before cycling negatively impacts on my health. As a lifetime athlete it’s difficult to set limitations like this. Great article, great discussion

Matt Ellis

Excellent, well-balanced article that speaks to both sides of the illness and how cycling can help or further exacerbate the problem- it’s just all about balance and perspective. Cycling can be the most up-lifting and empowering activating that can bring someone out a deep, dark hole. But, at the same time at a certain level and that level fluctuates, the sport can leave us more isolated and push one further into the hole. For me, the trick is to find that right balance with the right perspective. The sport of cycling at all levels from recreational rider to the highest levels of competition, is a means to an end; not an end in itself. Thank you for writing this article about an issue that still isn’t discussed enough in our global society in general and more specifically in the society of our sport. :)

Good, thoughtful read, I appreciate it. Working at getting back on the bike lately, I find it extremely hard to face riding when in a depressive slump (they come and go). When things are good, riding is easy and motivating; when things are grim, it’s almost stomach-churningly unpalatable.

Spellman.

Does anybody else experience state-dependent memory/anxiety?

I’ve used cycling as a treatment for mental illness for so long now that now certain routes and trails sometimes trigger highly specific memories and emotions so strongly that I succumb to the same depressive feelings I was trying to extinguish in the first place. Whilst this is sometimes frustrating, on the whole, turning the pedals usually helps more than it hinders. Good luck out there.

Simon Ashfield-Smith

Spellman, it is common for emotions, memories and images to be triggered by places. The ‘place’ can become a trigger whether the event initially occurred there, or whether one has remember a historical (and emotionally salient) event there. The place becomes a ‘conditioned stimulus’. If theses memories continue to bother you may wish to chat to Clinical Psychologist. Good luck.

Andrew

Exercise certainly helps me deal with depression, but depression often conspires to prevent me from exercising. Lack of sleep will cause me to prioritise getting to and through work over an early morning ride. Mental exhaustion from getting through a day will prevent me from running when I get home from work. The lack of exercise then causes further depression. Its a vicious cycle. Then the one big effort to get out and exercise staves off depression for a day, energy returns, I don’t want to hide and that day extends to a week. Then another event happens, depression kicks in, exercise stops, depression gets worse.

Like the example given, I want to compete but that put extra pressures on me. I miss a session, get stressed and that adds to the vicious cycle. I compete unprepared, perform below my expectations, feel a failure…

jim

From my own experience, exercise is only a small part of dealing for depression and anxiety. Medication, meditation, diet, regular sleep, cognitive behavioral therapy also play there part.

chiwode

I struggled for decades with depression. Then on a cycling trip across France for a month, where we were averaging upwards of 85 miles a day, it just lifted. I kept up the mileage when I got home and it’s never come back. I’m injured now and can’t ride at all, and may not again, so I’m really worried the depression will return.

velocite

What make it so unbearable is our expectation that it can be fixed. And if depression is a feeling it seems too hard to describe directly, so we resort to terribly concrete metaphors like the “I’m in a black hole and can’t see a way out”. My own experience is that the feeling comes and goes, and when it comes I know it’s come and I know what to do: all sorts of things, but nothing that requires creative thought or expression. Any busy work: do your BAS, do routine shopping, cut the grass or go cycling. When I was a software developer it was housekeeping time. Do not just wait for it to pass: it will pass, but so will your life. I do see that if you’re a professional athlete or any kind of performance artist this will have a significant impact, but c’est la vie.

When relating to other people, don’t put on a facade but don’t lay it on them either, sympathy is inappropriate and unhelpful – it’s not cancer.

And finally: there are a lot of happy people in the world. I’m just not one of them!

Graybeard43

Great article indeed. I’m a 72yo retired RAAF, Airports Fire officer and Mines Rescue office who had a career of 38years in Emergency services. Forceably retired in 1990 with Post traumatic stress Disorder and associated depression.The visible me on the outside looked ok but I was in a deep hole on the inside for over four years. Besides great counseling I rediscovered bike riding after i found i couldn’t run much anymore. Slowly but surely I found that i wanted to be on the bike more and more. My family were the first to notice the difference in the way I was handling day to day living. The thing, beside getting really cardio fit, is that when on the bike I MUST be situational aware. I cannot be wandering mentally because I must be focused on what is happening all around me.
The cycling has and is assisting me greatly to manage the symptoms of the depression and PTSD very well. So which came first for me, I put it down to the bike riding.

Can’t tell you how many times I’ve woken up feeling terrible but I know that when I do get out on the bike I’ll get home with a smile on my face and a different mindset wondering “what was I letting myself getting so worked up about”. Long live cycling!

Simon Ashfield-Smith

Good article Justin. Thank you for helping normalise a very common illness. Its important to remember this illness can be deathly – suicide is all too common.

I am a Clinical Psychologist, have helped many people tame the ‘Black dog’ – and I have suffered a depressive episode myself. I found cycling very helpful for my recovery. IMO it wasn’t just the exercise that helped but the whole cycling lifestyle: the routine of training, talking shite with the mates, stopping for coffee, building up a beautiful bike, visiting the bike shops, researching the latest gear, watching pro cycling on TV, and lord forbid, shaving the legs. In other words, cycling offers exercise, regular activity outdoors, friendship, achievement and maybe even some laughter.

If anyone is suffering depression, jump onto the Blackdog Institute website for a read and then have a chat with an experienced Psychologist; Understanding the nature/cause of the depression will then help shape the type of treatment required for a good outcome.

Aaron Christiansen

Vitamin D boost would be a big part of it, too yeah?

Alan Doughty

There are plenty of things which go with cycling that could contribute at least as much as the aerobic excercise. Discussions can ramble on a 2-3 hour ride and go places we may not in our day to day lives. The early start can reset the body clock and improve sleep, and there is less inclination to consume alcohol, especially since it seems to be the only sport where alcohol and sport are separated. So maybe cycling does help depression, at least some part of cycling does so.

GG

I think cycling-or exercise generally can help but it can also hinder. Depression can be linked to unrealistic expectation and huge amounts of pressure. Confronting the fact you’re not climbing like Coppi is one thing, but forcing yourself to go out and flogging yourself relentlessly isn’t conducive to enjoyment or relaxation either.

Personally, it’s helped me enormously at times-although also led to being wiped out by a speeding driver, massively concussed and with broken pelvis which set off a really damaging chain of events in itself with regards both mental health and finances… Que sera.

Recently, I’ve enjoyed the social aspect more but also found the day after a really hard ride I have a huge downer-really quite terrible-and anecdotal evidence suggests this is related to exercise-induced cortisol levels combining with my unnaturally high stress cortisol levels. The combination is really quite debilitating for a day or two then I’m ‘fine’ again… Turns out chronic stress is generally a huge cause of both physical and mental health issues so it’s something I’ve taken to heart.

I also get periods where I’m quite anxious about being taken out by another driver, but I guess that’s pretty natural after what happened.

Aaron Christiansen

The mentally healthy among us try to help those with depression with
well-meaning advice (or hurtful barbs) dispensed in a manly manner:
“Harden up mate. Drink some concrete.” Or “he just needs to get over
it.”

I have never heard anyone tell someone admitting to depression to “harden up”.

That does not sound mentally healthy, it sounds sociopathic or lacking in empathy.

Do you have any citations?

Has anyone else reading this article ever admitted depression to a friend or family member and been told to harden up / get over it? I’d be very curious to learn of such cases. And offer my condolences.

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