Shia LaBeouf's Latest Film Sold One Ticket in the UK. Just One.

Poor Shia. Not only has his art project He Will Not Divide Us proved an utter failure, having been relocated from its initial spot in Queens to Albuquerque for creating “an ongoing health and safety hazard,” but it seems that, no matter how hard we try to defend him, people still don’t like him. Not one bit.

LaBeouf’s latest indie flick, Man Down, a story of a traumatized soldier returning home from Afghanistan, made a devastating $8.75 on its opening night in the U.K. Yes, you read that correctly: eight dollars and 75 cents. Not eight million—Eight hundred and seventy-five pennies. That value suggests that only one person went to the theater to see it. (Shia’s mom, maybe?) Since its abysmal opening night, the flick did experience a 200 percent box-office leap, meaning two—two!—more people made an effort to support Shia.

This means the movie has now earned almost 30 bucks, or enough to buy you and a date an appetizer and two entrees at Applebee’s. (We at Playboy tried our damndest to snag an exclusive review from the original moviegoer, but the theatre’s staff couldn’t identify the suddenly famous film buff.)

In Shia’s defense, Man Down is only playing in one theater in the U.K., once a day. But at $8.75, these earnings must rank within the lowest ever, especially for a film starring an A-list actor. (The film co-stars Rooney Mara’s considerably less famous sister, Kate). “I think we’ve sold three tickets in total,” the cinema’s manager told The Hollywood Reporter, adding that she’s never experienced anything so pitiful. The manager also confessed that the theater would likely end the film’s weeklong run today.

Still, don’t feel bad for the guy depsite all the set-backs: In 2011, the actor took home $15 million for Transformers: Dark of the Moon. So, to end this on a more positive note, let’s take a look at the box office hauls of Shia’s more commercial work. Also, if you’re the filmgoer who sat in that theater alone that night, please get in touch with us. We’d love to meet you.

Transformers (2007): $708,272,592

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008): $786,558,145