When I Was Forced to Lie in Green Pastures

It was a hard December for me, y’all. I wish I could tell you my faith held strong and didn’t waver. I found myself questioning God (again) and wanting a different life. I ended up smack in the middle of a health crisis that wasn’t planned (are they ever?) and was FORCED to give up normal.

For about 25 years, I’ve struggled with endometriosis. I’ve mostly managed the symptoms with over the counter pain meds, but ultimately decided taking upwards of 10 Aleve a day some days during the month was not healthy for my liver. 😥 I researched effective treatment options, and ultimately came across the Center for Endometriosis Care in Atlanta, Georgia. Dr. Ken Sinervo is one of the nation’s top doctors for endometriosis excision, which is the gold standard for treatment and really the only way to remedy the problem.

In early December, my mom and I traveled to Atlanta and I had surgery on December 5th. Surgery went well. I basically was eaten up with endometriosis and Dr. Sinervo was able to excise about 98% of it. The first few days after surgery were pretty routine. I slept a lot and was recovering. But the Thursday afterwards, I ran into MAJOR complications. After multiple tests, CT scans, x-rays and SO MUCH DRAWN BLOOD, I had to have a second surgery on December 15th. I was in the hospital for 22 days and in Atlanta for almost 4 weeks. (We packed and planned to be in Atlanta for a max of 5 days.)

Perhaps I’ll share more details later on, but for now you guys need to know I was VERY sick. Several life threatening events manifested. My mom and the nursing staff had to care for my basic needs. I could barely eat from being so nauseous. They had to force me to get up to walk. And as much as I wanted to write and post on social media, looking at my phone was less than appealing. I just wanted to sleep and escape my reality.

I found myself saying and thinking some of the same things I said while I was going through my divorce. “Lord, just give me my life back.” “Why did this happen to me?” “My life will never be normal again.” I cried almost every day. And even though in the long term, having this surgery now was the best thing for me, I questioned over and over my decision to have my endometriosis excised. Dr. Sinervo repeatedly assured me I would run into major problems down the road and even given the current complications, having the surgery was the best decision.

I had AMAZING care while in the hospital in Atlanta. I cannot give enough positive accolades to the entire staff at Northside Hospital. My nurses were knowledgeable, empathetic, kind and considerate. They made me feel like I was their only patient. The techs were equally as amazing; never once questioning or pausing at a request! They went above and beyond to make sure my basic needs were met and I was comfortable. The orderlies (that transported me for tests) always came with a smile and heated blanket. They did their best to crack jokes, make me laugh and make the best of my very bleak situation. And my doctors… So amazing! Dr. Sinervo prayed with me repeatedly and held my hand and prayed as the anesthesia put me to sleep for my surgeries. At one point I had to go two and a half days without food and all I wanted was a grilled cheese. So as soon as I was able to eat, Dr. Sinvero brought me a grilled cheese he personally made himself! What doctor does that?!

For 22 days, the Lord took away my normal day to day. Even as I type this, my daily routine is fully altered and I’m not yet fully independent. My brother in law spoke truth over me and it resonated like never before in my life. He quoted Psalm 23:2 over me. He mentioned one interpretation being the Lord physically pressing my head into the green pasture, forcing me to rest. And that is EXACTLY what happened to me beginning on December 5th. I was incapable of caring for my basic needs. My fast pace, exciting and busy life came to a screeching halt. All of the sudden my cottage, my career and my hobbies became unimportant. All that mattered was my health and rest.

2017 is unique because this year I turn 40. I planned all these amazing events during the year to celebrate this monumental occasion. For January, I booked a solo retreat to Jackson Hole at a super cute B&B at the base of the Tetons. I wanted pause to reflect on my life thus far and do some life planning going forward. That trip? Not happening. Canceled. What’s interesting is that just prior to my surgery, I felt a nudge from the Lord questioning my motives behind the events for my “Year of 40.” I also felt a bit of angst the week before my surgery. And I got to thinking, did I REALLY consult the Lord about my Year of 40? Did I ask Him if He wanted me to have the surgery? And my honest answer is no. I just moved and acted on things because I wanted to and thought they were best for me. (See the emphasis on the “I and me” in the last few sentences?)

Do I think the Lord is punishing me with these surgical complications? Absolutely not. But do I think He’s trying to show me His will and plan? Definitely. I do think I often get wrapped up in things of this world and lose sight of His direction. I still don’t know what He’s teaching me in this current season, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I will consult Him with EVERYTHING going forward and not just some things. I also think He’s giving me a season of pause to reflect more on Him. It has been HARD to pray while in the hospital. Therefore I’m SO grateful for the many of you that carried me in prayer. Please know the Lord heard your pleas and sustained me.

So what’s next? For the next few weeks, I’ll be staying with my parents to fully recuperate. Luckily the flexibility of my job will allow me to work from home rather than hopping on an airplane. So I fully expect to be making lots of phone calls, crafting lots of emails and presenting A LOT via webinar. My customers are amazing and fully understand the magnitude of my situation. Some called, texted and prayed during the course of my 22 day hospital stay. And for that, I’ll be forever grateful.

As for my cottage, I’m obviously a little delayed, but the show is absolutely moving on! I am completely confident the Lord placed me in Louisiana for such a time as this. And I’m already seeing His hand in giving me my cottage. I’ll be sharing a story soon about a new friendship the Lord began blossoming in the 1970’s all because of the cottage. Renovation updates will be starting up very soon. Please know I greatly appreciate your patience.

Going forward, I would be grateful and honored to receive your continued prayers. I need prayers for recovery and strength. It will be a long while before I’m at full capacity. But every day I’m a bit stronger and the pain is a bit less. I’ve shared how extremely Type A I am, so to have to relinquish my full independence and control has been hard. Rather than constantly planning, I’m currently just doing today. I’m lying in my green pasture in hopeful expectation for the glory of the Lord to be revealed.

Has there been a time in your life when you’ve been forced to lie in green pastures? How did you cope? I would be grateful if you would share lessons you learned and things the Lord taught you in your journey. If you feel led, please share in the comments below.

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Comments

With tears in my eyes, I’m sitting here thinking, ‘How can Sara be 40??!!! I thought she was 37!!’ Thank you for sharing. And you know I pray for you everyday. I love you tons and I’m so proud of your strength.

You are in my prayers. Your strength and faith is a light for all of us. Gods Grace wraps us up during our valleys and we slow down and reflect. You make me smile and I thank you for being so brave to share your tough times. Jesus is using you to touch my life. Thank you. Sending love, prayers and strength to get better quickly. Can’t wait to see what you’re doing with your cottage. Blessings. Sweet Sara!

Oh Deb! Thank you! You are precious and I’m so glad our paths crossed! Thank you so much for your prayers. And I heard you met with our mutual friend, Ken. He’s a sweetheart. Enjoy your new position! Much love to you!

Good morning, Sara. It has been a pleasure reading you blog. Your words are filled with hope, faith and expectancy. Now is the time for your followers to encourage you, in you faith, not only in healing but your future. A pastor friend told me ” hope is the thermostat of faith, if you need more faith turn up your hope”. He also said ” God’s words in my mouth are the same as God’s words in His mouth”. So keep confessing God’s promises over your life. At times it’s difficult to believe his promises are for us, that’s when we go back to His word. I reminds us that we are a child of God, and the we are seated in Christ, and we have an inheritance. We have healing, we have salvation, we redemption and restoration. We come to God as a broken vessel, we want to blame our afflictions on our decisions or actions, none of that matters. We have to put our life in the master’s hands and let Him put us back together, and He will restore us. In John 9 Jesus healed a blind man. He told his disciples, this was not caused by his sin or his parents sin, but so the works of God might be displayed.
We all know and love Jeremiah 29:11 , if you keep reading 12-15, He said ” when you pray I will listen, I will end your captivityand restore your fortune and bring you home again to your own land.
Sara this is just part of the process. God has done great things in you and God is doing great things thru you. Thank you for your transparency, it is an ençouragement for the hurting and the lost.

Oh man, thank you so much for these words of encouragement Troy! They mean so much and I will read them over and over. I LOVE that passage in Jeremiah and it’s one I’ll cling to for sure. I appreciate you taking time to share these thoughts with me!

Sara! When I saw the email from Simply Sara, I thought, “We haven’t heard from her in awhile.” Now I know why! I’m so sorry to hear about your ordeal. I’m thanking God right now that He walked with you through your valley of the shadow and allowed you to return to us. You are precious to me, and I’m so thankful God has given you your Year of 40 to celebrate your life and discover His plans. Much love to you, my friend! Welcome back to the land of the living.

Awww Jody! Thank you so much! It’s gonna be so weird to not be on an airplane for a few weeks. Can you even imagine, lol? But obviously the Lord has other plans for me right now. I love what you said about my Year of 40. Yes, he has other plans than what I had mapped out. Can’t wait to see them unfold. Love to you too!

Sweet Sara. So very sorry to hear you have been through so much! Yes our babies are turning 40. Wow! God has such great plans for you but yes sometimes He forces us to rest and trust! Thank you for sharing your faith journey good and bad. Know you are in my prayers! Love you! Ms Sherry

I thought of you several times during the holidays wondering what happened to Sara. I even wrote you a quick comment on facebook wondering about you. As you can tell, I have truly enjoyed your blog and journey with the cottage but had no idea about your illness. Thank God you are over that awful surgery and hopefully on the way to a full recovery. Welcome back and you will be in my prayers!

Sara, I have been a little worried about you as you seemed to have disappeared from FB land and your blog. I am an ardent and interested follower. I wish I had known so I could have been praying….. Praise God that your situation is resolved… you are so sweet and so loved by friends and family! Take good care of SS. Love ya much!!!!!!

I was just thinking of you a few days ago and now I see why! Hang in there, sister. A 22-day hospital stay is tough and remember, you’ll need some time to recoupe from being there so long. That’s perfectly okay and I wish you the best possible recovery!

Hey, Sara. I’m so glad you are recovering and have your parents to help you. It is amazing to look back and see how God watches over us even when we might not see it in the thick of things.
In December of 2012, I had to have a big fibroid tumor(benign) removed from my uterus that was causing me lots of issues. I had tried to just deal with it for a few years but I didn’t realize a tumor was causing all my trouble. I made the decision to have the surgery but wasn’t able to have the little incisions. So basically I had a c-section without a baby. This surgery was not an easy one to recover from but by the end of January I was feeling more like myself.
Little did I know that this would shock my system so bad that it would completely mess up the world of carefully balanced hormones.
June 4, 2013 began the summer I will never forget because it was the darkest hour you had EVER experienced. I still have trouble talking about that summer. IT WAS BAD! I had full blown panic attacks several times a day for 3 months. I had never had a panic attack in my life. I could hardly function. I don’t ever remember being so emotionally, physically, and spiritually exhausted. I lived for bedtime to escape the pain of this new reality I was living. I asked many of the same questions you did. “Should I have had this surgery. ” “Why did I have this surgery!? I should have left well enough alone.” “Is this what my life is going to consist of from now on?” The questions justed were on a vicious repetitive cycle. But I clung to God like never before because I never before needed God like I did at that very moment. As much as I loved my husband and kids( and they were blessings during this period), only God and His word could sustain me. God was teaching me that my world might be crumbling and be uncertain but He would never change. He is my constant, my stay, my battle fighter, and my truth speaker. He showed me how I had not been deeply seeking Him and He didn’t want my offering but my broken spirit and contrite heart.
That summer was the toughest I ever experienced ( I cannot begin to convey just how tough it was in words) but God carried me through those days. I searched and studied God’s Word that summer and He faithfully taught and instructed me. I wish I was as faithful and constant to Him as he is to me. I still fail Him so many times.
Isaiah 43:2 and 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24 became my verses, my promises that I cling to.

Hello Sara,
I am truly sorry I had no idea and only saw the instagram post yesterday and now realizing the full impact. I prayed for you yesterday and today at church. I am praying for total healing and restoration to full health. I wasn’t keeping up with too much social media since I was away. We will catch up when you are fully rested and restored from this. Praise God you are in a place where you can do all these things. Love you sweet lady!

Praying for you Sara, with hopes you are back to your sweet, beautiful self in short order. I suffered with endometriosis when I was younger, so I understand completely what led you to your decisions. So glad it’s all behind you now, and wishing you nothing but blue skies and sunshine moving forward.

Praying for you Sara. So glad you are doing better. Looking forward to still meeting you when you are back in Minden. Karrie is still in Ca. She has met so many great people in her new position. She was sad she didn’t get to meet you finally. But that will happen soon. Thanking God for putting you in her life. Rest and know we are praying for you. Fanette

Thank you so much Fanette! I can’t wait to meet you in person. I truly feel like y’all are family and we haven’t even met. Karrie is awesome and is going to be amazing in her new role. Please know your prayers are greatly appreciated. 🙂

Dear Sara, I may be a bit late to read about all that you’ve gone through and know that you’ve touched my heart with your strength to share this with us. My prayers for your recovery and strength are with you! The love and faith that you exude is like no other and your lessons have become mine … Thank you so much!

Blessings and hugs as you keep shining bright! Make each day count! ❤️

Prayers for you, my sweet. I have been lying in a pasture since my dad’s cancer diagnosis last April, but it sure has not felt like a green one. It’s been thorny, prickly, rocky, and quite frankly, filled with manure. I struggled as well with my God-walk, but I kept hearing Him say, “Trust me. Do you trust me?” I couldn’t answer, I had no answer, and I wanted answers. Then one day I realized, as I was listening to the radio, that I had an answer. You know Hillary Scott’s ” Thy Will be Done” ?? THAT was my answer. That’s all I could mutter when He asked me if u trusted him. And my sweet, brave Daddy said it many, many times before he passed. Losing Daddy ripped my guts out. But I have learned to take one day at a time and I hope I don’t forget it. Love you dearly and I so appreciate your open heart. Glad you are feeling better. May your pastures be green!

Oh Stephanie! Thank you so much for sharing this. I can barely listen to Thy Will without just falling apart. Of course we all want His will, but sometimes it’s SO painful and rocky as you mentioned. We just have to rest in the fact that He is sovereign over us and trust His hand. Love you SO much sweet friend! <3

Hey Sara! I’ve had so much going on that I didn’t even know about you being sick! I will definitely be praying for you! I know the feeling of wanting your normal life back. It will be 3 years in April since my spinal cord stroke. Every day I want to get out of bed and not see a walker sitting in front of me. And now, yes Mike wants the divorce, the change in marriage has been horrible! I also had all of my basic needs taken care of by family, nurses, etc. Lying in bed knowing you can’t even get up for a drink of water was so scary. I was in hospital for a month. I know God has me in His hands and has a plan for me but some days I just scream at Him because I don’t want this to be my normal for the rest of my life. I love ya and will be praying for you!!

Oh Melanie! Thank you SO much for sharing this. You are amazing and your will and determination bless me so. I can absolutely relate to the ALL the emotions you are experiencing. I hate to badly that we had to walk the roads we’ve walked, but I do know the Lord hears the desires of our heart and bottles ALL our tears. And He WILL bring good from our situations. Love you so much! THANK YOU for your prayers and I will continue to pray for you! <3

Sara, I too was forced to “slow my roll”. I had surgery on Oct 19, 2016 to remove a fibroid tumor and have a total hysterectomy. …not just any tumor, but a 20 lb tumor. We knew it was there, but the stress of having gone through a break up of a 10 1/2 year relationship caused a huge jump in growth. The surgery seemed to go well, I was discharged from the hospital to be staying with my Mom, I’m 49, for my recovery. On Nov. 10th, I had been put back into the hospital due to complications. I was weak, nauseous, and extremely scent sensitive to everything. The tumor had rubbed a spot on my colon, causing a leak. Unbeknownst to me, I was becoming septic, but by the Grace of God, it was contained in one small pocket. On Nov. 11th, I thought I was just going in to have a drain put in…but I woke up with a tube down my throat, my hands tied down and a temporary colostomy in place. I was in tears. Then on Dec. 10th I had to have two more drains put in. (I had 3 drains and a colostomy hanging on my front tummy area.) I’ve since been on a slow recovery, and I am…as of last week…drain free. I’m doing MUCH better ~Trying to gain some weight, my Dr. says 102 lbs is too tiny. I was blessed with amazing Doctors, nurses, and staff, as well. I will be keeping you in prayer. I will be closing on my house this week, but mine is “move in ready”. I am soooooo enjoying reading and watching your journey. May you continue to be blessed.

Teresa!!!!! Ohhhhh myyyy gosh!!!!!!!! I’m so sorry all of this happened to you! I totally understand exactly where you are coming from. I had some of the same complications and have also lost a TON of weight and am currently paper thin tiny. I’m working on gaining weight each day. Goodness, I’m SOOOOO glad you reached out!!!! My heart goes out to you. We are kindred spirits for sure. Please do keep in touch. Email me anytime: sara (a) simplysara.com. I will be praying for you! <3