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Thursday, June 14, 2018

First of all, if you didn’t read the title in the tune of Cameo’s “Single Life”, then please Google the song, if applicable, and read it again. 😉 Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way…

In the midst of a blog about families, home and mom life, I am here to talk about single parent life because that’s what myself and 32% of the US population were in 2017, according to Pew Research Center. And if you are a faithful subscriber to any of Britney Dearest’s platforms, you may have noticed that she was once a single parent in the early years of her daughter’s life. However, I’m not here to talk about the statistics and deliver a “woe-is-me” experience about it. Nope! I’d prefer to talk about how parents who are single can thrive in their own right until that special someone comes along – if that’s what they’re aiming toward.

Ideally, I think some of us would like to be married with 2.5 children, but life doesn’t always work out that way. Sometimes people have children and get divorced or unplanned children are born into unmarried relationships, oftentimes leaving one parent with the responsibility of caring for their child or children if that relationship ends. Per Pew Research Center, 15 million children are living with a solo mother, 5 million live with cohabiting parents, and 3 million live with a solo father.

Sometimes, I am not sure which classification my child falls under. He doesn’t have a single mother or father. His father is married to a wonderful woman and his mother happens to live alone and be unmarried, but is dating. However, the census bureau may still label me as a single mother and I don’t like it.

I don’t dislike it for any shameful reasons. Oh no! I truly admire those parents that house, clothe, feed, love on, entertain, show up, care for and more for their children every single day. Parents that put the needs and wants of their children before their own desires while their children don’t see a lick of their struggle are worthy to be praised. But I am not a single parent. I get the luxury of my son spending time with his dad every Monday, Tuesday, and biweekly weekends. We’ve done this for almost 7 years now. Along with time spent, his father helps financially and I don’t mean I call him with a number and he provides. He is responsible for our son’s health insurance and splits the cost of birthday parties, he shows up to every school program and sporting event and provides all clothing and accessories while our son in his care. He doesn’t pay court-ordered child support because his support for his child is consistent and voluntary at all times. We may have disagreements, but eventually, we come to an understanding and move on with our days. I would never call myself a single mom and take any credit away from what he does and demean the job that true single parents have.

With all of that being said, I won’t be a prude about how the census bureau classifies us, but my hope is that all parents could co-parent successfully. If the end of the relationship was not due to physical, sexual or emotional abuse, my belief is that it can be done. Sometimes, we just have to set our emotions aside and peacefully coexist for the sake of our children. It may sound cliché, but it is extremely important. Our relationship ended when our son was just seven months old; however, he has not seen us being cruel toward each other. Of course, we’ve had our arguments and disagreements, but it’s always been important to keep that behavior away from our son. He doesn’t have a “favorite parent” and never shies away when it’s time to visit with the other (though he tells me every pick up that he missed me 😉). Furthermore, because I’ve kept my emotions at bay, transitioning to a home with a step-mother was made easier for him because from his perspective, I was 100% supportive (we can save my true feelings at that time for another time).

I hope to someday use my experience to help others. So far, I have one friend that has adopted the parenting schedule that we have and she’s expressed her gratitude to me for being the reasonable angel on her shoulder when others want to play devil’s advocate. But believe me, it has not always been this easy. The first thing we have to do, no matter our relationship status, is to keep the wellbeing of our children first and be honest with ourselves and our feelings.

Until next time,

Cris

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About Me

Hello! My name is Crystal and I am a native Kansas City, Missourian. I am the mother of a 6-year old video game connoisseur, car-loving son affectionately known as BJ. I am an Avila University non-traditional graduate and am very proud of that achievement. My contribution to Britney Dearest is to reveal a perspective that is opposite of the hostess; however, share that life as a mom who is single (but dating), working two jobs, maintaining a home (that I purchased on my own in 2016) and having a balanced social and parenting life is possible. I hope to be an inspiration to those whose lives may not be that of a wife (yet) and mother of 2.5 children, yet still able to live it as prosperous and customary as possible.

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About Me

Hi! I'm Britney. I'm a wife and a mother to 3 children + 1 fur baby.
Britney Dearest is a family lifestyle blog where I share my personal experiences as a wife, mother, homeowner, and creative to provide a virtual space where moms can find encouraging tips and inspiring resources for family, home, and mom life.
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