Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Another problem averted, in Awesomeville

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Early 1990's. Researchers at the University of Vienna become interested in quantum teleportation and successfully teleport light, a series of photons, from one end of the lab to the other. Since photons are massless, the news doesn't hit the mainstream public.

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October, 2006. Through an involved process of quantum entanglement, quantum measurement, and quantum feedback, the Neils Bohr Institute at Copenhagen University perfects a method of transporting particles with non-zero mass over short distances via an extremely powerful magnetic field.

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Science fiction meets reality. Big deal, so some scientists can move a few atoms a few feet. How does that help me? Well, I say keep your eye on the ball.

Do you actually think in the 15 years between the teleportation of photons and the teleportation of atoms, people have given up on light? Right, I didn't think so. I have been working with some of the faculty at MIT and can finally say that I can bring something useful back to Awesomeville.

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October 23, 2006. I see the first of the Christmas lights pop up in my neighborhood. That's right, October 23.

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These people in Awesomeville are getting frighteningly close to those jerks who keep their lights up all year round. It's mid-November now and I'm already sick of Christmas. Some guy today wanted to give me a Christmas tree.

No more.

This year, I'm putting my research to work, and instead of Christmas lights, I'm doing quite the opposite. No lights, no white Christmas trees. Nope, I'm hanging Christmas Light Attractors this year. The fellows at MIT and I have developed a light teleportation device that attracts the light from nearby locations, say the Christmas lights from my neighbors for example, and kills it, using the energy absorbed from the light to fuel its massive magnetic field. As long as there are Christmas lights in the vicinity, there is enough energy to power my Attractor, rendering their Christmas lights virtually useless.

Finally, science for the better good of society. At least Awesomeville, anyway.