Every where I go, I can’t get away from the music… the frantic shoppers… the motherfucking salvation army bellringers, the isles of useless fucking plastic merchandise, the grotesquely “decorated” houses… it goes on and on. And if one more artificial fuck wishes me a merry christmas I am going to go ballistic. You don’t fucking know me! I don’t celebrate christmas, I’m Jewish by blood and follow my own awesome beliefs that don’t include gross amounts of materialism and a lardass in a red suit.

I don’t want to go to the store but if I don’t get diced tomatoes I can’t make my chili con carne. It’s scary there. I was there yesterday and I became physically ill. No kidding!

We need to do to Santa what we did to clowns. They used to be a cheery icon of joy but now most people are scared of them. This is why I want to dress up as a maniacal Christmas elf with a very large butcher knife and go around slaughtering christians and their spawn. Not that I really will (unless they finally push me over the edge) but maybe I could at least draw what it would look like, photocopy it and hand it out to kids at the mall.