While you were waiting for Riggs and Murtaugh to have a fifth go of it in a glorious bid to remind everyone that Mel Gibsoncan't be a vitriolic bigot because his longtime cop buddy is a black guy, Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy handcuffed themselves together for what sounds like a hilarious romp through the organized crime underworld. 20th Century Fox and Chernin Entertainment have signed the two actresses for a buddy cop movie about an uptight FBI agent (Bullock) who has to partner with McCarthy's "unconventional" Boston cop (read: shoots people for like no reason and says "wicked awesome") in order to take down a Russian gangster, hopefully played by Viggo Mortensen, but that's not a dealbreaker or anything.

Bridesmaids helmsman Paul Feig will direct from a script by Parks and Recreation writer Katie Dippold, so everything seems pretty promising except for a gnawing concern I have that this movie will do to doughnuts what Bridesmaids did to enormous hoagies, i.e. turn them into possible sex toys. [Variety]

Mark Zuckerberg celebrated the fact that nobody wants to buy shares of his crummy Facebook stock by marrying his longtime girlfriend, 27-year-old Priscilla Chan, in Palo Alto. I'd make an obligatory joke about status updates but I don't have Facebook, probably because I'm busy living my life. Burn. [AP]

In other romantical news, Chace Crawford bought What to Expect When You're Expecting co-star Anna Kendrick an ironic lap dance from a 60-year-old stripper stage-named Little Bo Peep. Don't worry — it's not as exploitative as it initially sounds, just take Kendrick's word for it: "We went to the Claremont Lounge, which is like an Atlanta institution. It's sort of hilarious: they have, like, 60-year-old women who are strippers. And that's awesome." Are you sort of laughing uncontrollably yet? [Us]

Celine Dion has just listed her private island estate in Montreal for $29 million, but I'm pretty sure the sticker price is in Canadian dollars, so don't get too bummed about it being out of your price range. [Radar]

Meanwhile, other divas are doing more important things than shuffling expensive real estate, like defending fellow members of the sisterhood. Cher fended off the slut-shaming Twitter wolves that circled Rihanna on Friday with the following message: "Rihanna is Gorgeous&Major Talent!Who cares About clothes RT@hoetbh what do u think of media slut shaming @rihannatelling her 2wear clothes." [HuffPo]

Not even Cher, however, can be in two places at once — even as she tweeted support for Rihanna, Christian youth protesters swarmed Lady Gaga when she arrived in Manila. [AP]

Nobody even called former Community showrunner Dan Harmon to tell him that he'd been fired, but don't cry for him, Argentina — he'll get a steady paycheck for just playing a video game at home in his underpants, which, after all, is the American dream. [Tumblr]

Joel McHale and the rest of the Community gang (minus you-know-who) wore their fingernails to nubbins tweeting their love and support for the jilted Harmon. [E!]

Bono denied cashing in on the Facebook IPO and surpassing Paul McCartney as the richest minstrel in all the British Isles, telling reporters, "I'm not a billionaire or going to be richer than any Beatle - and not just in the sense of money." Ah, but in the sense of moral fiber? Bono would obliquely like you to know that he is the Scrooge McDuck of self-righteousness. [Vulture]

The identity of John Travolta's second masseuse accuser has been revealed and, since only fools believe in coincidences, we can all glean great conspiratorial meaning from the fact that the man's first name is also John, John Truesdale. Now that you can put a name to the erotic massage, is this news relevant to you? Didn't think so. [E!]

Carrie Underwood is just an ordinary person like you because she does her own laundry. Isn't she just so relatable? [People]

Kristin Cavallari threw a baby shower in Los Angeles and didn't invite any of us...unless you are friends with Kristin Cavallari and attended her baby shower, in which case don't tell us what you got her (a jogging pram, you got her a jogging pram, didn't you?). [People]

Al Gore may not be divorced yet, but he's in looooove with fellow man-bear-pig believer Elizabeth Keadle. [Washington Post]

Corey Feldman had a woman who used to stay at his home arrested for violating a stay away order he obtained when he failed to get her to leave on her own. Now Feldman has shed the last trapping of celebrity that would make anyone think he was still a movie star — his very own stalker. Serious question: who stalks Corey Feldman? [TMZ]

In A-list stalker news, a man charged with stalking Mila Kunis pleaded not guilty to two felony charges on Friday and was denied a request to leave jail without posting bail. [AP]

Timothy Busfield whom you might recognize as Kevin Costner's maddeningly incredulous brother-in-law in Field of Dreams, has been accused of sexual battery by a woman who says the actor "improperly groped" her during a movie date at the old ArcLight in Sherman Oaks. [TMZ]

Lil Wayne is also being accused of improperly laying hands on someone after allegedly beating a photographer who snapped a picture of him skateboarding. [TMZ]

L.A. police were called to a raging party that Paris Hilton and a blanket shaped like Lindsay Lohan were both allegedly attending. [Daily Mail]

George Clinton adjourned the court of funk when he settled a lawsuit he filed against the Black Eyed Peas for allegedly using his music without permission. [AP]

You didn't go see Battleship, did you? Initial reports have the blockbuster hopeful floundering in the $25-million box office range for its opening weekend, not nearly enough to keep Tim Riggins' movie career alive. [HTHR]

Kristin Wiig got an emotional graduation send-off from SNL last night to the tune of "She's a Rainbow", a tear-jerking television moment that could one day serve as a detection test for psychopaths. [AP]