a story of when immigration gets personal

Hello Everyone! I appreciate you all for following my blog, and I wanted to give you an idea of 10 future posts you can expect.

Below I have sorted the specific posts into two major categories: “The Immigration Process” and “The Personal Side”. Of course, all posts will be personal in nature, but the first category will provide more technical information.

The Immigration Process

This category of posts will use Young and I’s personal experiences to help explain the more technical information about the immigration process.

The Immigration Process Step by Step. I will provide an overview of the three major steps in the process of seeking U.S. permanent residency and citizenship and describe
where Young and I are at in the process. I will then break each of these steps down in a series of “Details” posts that offer more specific information about each step of the process.

Marriage & Military: The “Golden Tickets” to U.S. Citizenship? I will write about these two well-known processes of immigration and some of the misinformation that exists about them.

Financing It All: This post will describe the series of fees that will need to be paid throughout the immigration process.

The Personal Side

This series of posts will focus more on how Young’s status, the immigration process, and general political and popular discussion about immigration and related topics affects our lives.

Hey! Don’t Talk about My Husband Like That. What is it like to hear the words used to describe undocumented immigrants when your husband is an undocumented immigrant?

When Politics Hits Home: Immigration is a hot topic in the political realm, especially with the 2016 presidential elections gearing up. These posts will address how immigration ideas presented by candidates would or would not impact Young and me.

Friends and Family: How have my friends and family reacted when they learned of Young’s status?

Interracial and Multicultural Relationship: How do these factors pertain to Young and I’s relationship?

If there are topic areas that are not listed and that you would like to read about, just let me know! This blog exists to provide interesting and relevant content to you, the reader, and as such, your feedback is most welcome.

There are numerous ways a romantic relationship can be impacted by a partner’s lack of legal residency status. Below I outline the three main challenges Young and I have faced and conclude with what is more important.

1. More Uncertainty

All relationship s contain a certain degree of uncertainty, like, “What if my partner doesn’t like me anymore?” Or, “What if one of us ends up in a random accident?” Any number of unforeseeable events is possible.

But when your partner doesn’t have legal residency status in the U.S., the uncertainties you face are more foreseeable and are quite plausible.

Decisions made by political leaders have real consequences for Young and I’s ability to live the type of life we want to together. For example, when President Obama implemented the DACApolicy in 2012, Young was granted limited, temporary protection from deportation. (Stay tuned. I will be writing more about DACA soon!) But what if DACA were repealed and Young was forced to leave the U.S?

These types of major uncertainties become a regular part of life, which leads to the second challenge.

2. Cautious Dreaming

Young and I have dreams for our life together: the types of careers we would like to pursue, where we would like to live, places we would like to travel to, etc. However, it is difficult to become too set on a particular dream because whether or not our dreams become a reality is hinged, at least partially, on decisions made by the government.

Consider the following dreams.

“I think it would be nice if Young and I could visit Canada together” (if Young’s application for permanent residency is approved).

“Maybe Young could apply for that job I saw advertised” (if he still has authorization to work here legally)

Notice the unspoken “if” clause that follows each dream. This clause can be impacted by governmental decisions, and thus it is this part that makes us dream cautiously.

Now, a lot of times we do dream without thinking about this “if”, but sooner or later, the “if” will return to our thoughts.

3. Power Dynamics

For me, this was one of the more unexpected challenges, and also the one I am least concerned about.

Although it doesn’t seem like it to Young and me, the reality is that an unusual power dynamic has the potential to exist in our relationship.

It is my status as a U.S. citizen that allows me to sponsor Young’s application for permanent residency. If Young and I were no longer married, the application process for his permanent residency would likely end. Thus, it would be in Young’s best interest to stay in the relationship even if he doesn’t love me anymore, just so he can gain legal permanent residency status. This power dynamic also puts me in a position where I could be manipulative, for example, by using our marriage as leverage so that I wouldn’t cancel his application for permanent residency.

Young and I don’t feel this power dynamic in our relationship. We are married because we love each other and are committed to one another. The thought of manipulating each other in this way is downright unthinkable to us.

Although we are aware of this potential power dynamic,it is more likely to be pointed out by others. When people find out about Young’s status, I wonder if they think that I am “being used” or vice a versa, which is frustrating.

However, all that really matters is that Young and I know that we are together because we truly want to be, and that we trust that we will be honest with how we feel about our relationship.

And now for the most important part – We love each other.

Although there are challenges, the most important part of our relationship remains unchallenged by Young’s residency status, which is that we love each other.

You might say this simplistic, but this is really what matters. Young’s character, his caring nature as a partner, his worth as a human being, are not related to his residency status. When I see Young, I don’t see challenges. I see my best friend, my husband.The challenges listed above remain, but because we love each other, we are more than willing to work through them together so that we can hopefully have the future we are (cautiously) dreaming of.

Blogging is a whole new adventure for me. So, before diving in, I wanted to take the opportunity to see the types of blogs that are already out there and to learn from others.

In my search I stumbled across The Change Blog, which is a blog focused on people’s personal experiences with change. With over 250,000 page views per month, I would say the blog is doing something right and that I should take note of how it functions.

First off, the name of the blog itself is enticing. Change is a very relatable topic. Then, I was drawn in further by the visually clean design layout of the site. It was easy for me to find content, and on the landing page I immediately saw links to blog posts, each accompanied by a picture. As I began to read the headlines and noticed that each post had a different author. This led me to the blog’s “About” page, where I learned that the blog began as one author’s experiences with change and then was expanded to include stories from people all over the world.

Now, you may be thinking, “In what ways does a blog about personal change relate to a blog like hers?”

Well, I can draw several connections. The first is that, like The Change Blog, my blog will be filled with highly personal stories, not theories or stories that I am repeating from others. Also, just as change is highly relatable topic as many people experience in their lives or wish to, so I would argue is the idea of love and romantic relationships.

I am also hoping that what I write may be of use to others in some way, just as I believe authors of the content forThe Change Blog hope to be able to help others by sharing their experiences.

And finally, I am impressed by the way that The Change Blog is able to gather content from people all over the world, ensuring a diverse array of perspectives and experiences. I know that I am not the only person who is in a situation where their romantic partner does not have U.S. citizenship or permanent residency, and I can see the value in having a place where people from all over share their experiences on this topic.

Please note that in no way am I trying to copy or replicate The Change Blog. This exercise was simply to expose myself to the idea of blogging and to learn what I can from others. Thank you, The Change Blog, for allowing me to learn from you.

And now, hopefully, I can use what I have learned, and what I will continue to learn, to make reading my blog a more entertaining and useful experience for you all.