SPECIAL ABILITIESAll-Around Vision (Ex) A
taniwha’s parietal eye allows it to see in all directions. This
gives it a +4 racial bonus on Perception checks, and it cannot be
flanked.

Freeze (Ex) A taniwha can hold
itself motionless and appear to be a huge log. A taniwha that uses
freeze can take 20 on its Stealth check to hide in plain sight as a
log.

Waterspite Gaze (Su) Permanent
curse, 30 feet, Will DC 20 negates. This curse effect causes a -2
penalty on saving throws against water spells and effects, a -10
penalty on Swim checks, and all water is considered fast-moving when
the cursed creature tries to wade or swim through it. A taniwha can
activate or suppress its gaze as a free action. This is a curse
effect and the save DC is Charisma-based.

Taniwha are amphibious dragon-kin
that lurk in swiftly-flowing rivers and claim vast swathes of nearby
land as territory. They build their lairs in flooded hollows and
caves set deep in the riverbank. A taniwha designs its lair both to
ensure egress to the river and to guarantee at least one emergency
exit accessible by burrowing.

Taniwha act as self-appointed guardians
of nature and humanoid settlements within this territory, punishing
or devouring those who defile the environment or violate local
community traditions. Their iridescent parietal eye provides the
taniwha with supernatural insight, power over their environment, and
the ability to curse those who displease them.

It is common for humanoids within a
taniwha’s territory to revere the creature, providing it with gifts
of food and valuables. In return, the taniwha helps maintain the
order of their society, manipulates the riverbed to provide water for
drinking and irrigation to the settlement, and guards the humanoids
from outside harm.

Taniwha prefer to spend their time
sunning themselves on shore or clinging to rocks in large rivers,
letting the strong currents wash over their long bodies. They are
patient creatures, prying into creatures’ thoughts, observing their
actions, and only springing into motion when necessary. Taniwha
prefer to fight in the water where their powers are strongest and
will look for opportunities in battle to herd enemies into their
river. The taniwha’s waterspite gaze ensures that the river itself
will turn against its foes.

Jacob W Michaels

hp =AC =Atk =Dmg +Prime Ability =Saves =/-

Yay, we finally got a dragon. (Judge's note, this was our fifth
submission and the first dragon; surprisingly it was also our last).

Good solid description.

I like this one. It seems like a good takeoff on the
original myth, with lots of useful information in the write-up. I like that it
can be both ally and opponent.

I think waterspite gaze is a pretty innovative ability
that plays with some rules that don't see a lot of use. Even the name is
catchy. It's by far the best part of this creature. It feels a little odd that
it has no breath weapon -- I'd have liked to see it have some sort of hydraulic
push or aqueous orb there instead of as an SLA, but not a huge problem. However,
it didn't really need to spell out a couple of the powers (all-around vision
and freeze), but that's hardly an egregious mistake...

Mike Kimmel

I
like this monster quite a bit. I was worried at first that it was going
to be more animalistic/bestial, just another drake-like creature to
fight off in the wilderness. But it's intelligent, neither evil nor
good, and has some very well-rounded social and combat abilities. This
monster could fill a variety of roles in a campaign, and that's not
something you see very often. Usually monsters (and in particular
dragons) are clearly friends or clearly foes, but not this one.

Waterspite gaze is one of the most creative curses I've seen.

The
inclusion of the UMR abilities and a few other template issues do raise
some concerns that the designer didn't do his/her homework, but the
monster still feels "complete" if not "immediately publishable."

Keep.

Mikko Kallio

Hello Wendall,
I'm Mikko Kallio, one of the judges
for the Here Be Monsters contest. For some background, I'm the
founder of the A Sword for Hire blog and the main organizer of this
contest. I was one of runners-up in RPG Superstar 2014, where one of
my most successful rounds was the monster round. I do
freelance work for Paizo, some of which includes designing monsters
for Adventure Path bestiaries.

Firstly, thank you for submitting this
cool monster! Secondly, congratulations on making the top 5! Thirdly,
good luck in the voting! Below are comments on things I liked about
your monster and things that may still need some work.

Great choice and great write-up for
the concept: I think choosing a Maori myth shows you understand
an important thing about monster creation (and contests): it's good
to not pick the most obvious option. I also think Maori myths deserve
to be explored more.

I noticed you've taken creative
liberties here and there, but I don't think any of the changes you've
made make the creature any less a taniwha. They make sense and seem
natural. The write-up also provides some hooks for the GM to help
include the creature in an adventure. The SLAs make sense for it to
have as a guardian of rivers and nature.

Multiple roles as an ally and
enemy: Unlike most of the
monsters we received, this one can be used in social encounters, too.
It could be a wise mentor, a temporary ally, or a terrifying enemy
depending on the situation.

Universal monster abilities or not?:
The taniwha has the freeze ability, which is listed as one of its special
abilities. However, since it's already described in the universal
monster rules, it shouldn't be included in the stat block as a new
ability. That's a bunch of wasted words. All-around vision, on the
other hand doesn't normally give you a racial bonus to Perception. So
it's a little confusing that the ability has exactly the same name as
the universal monster ability but it isn't 100% the same. Actually,
you don't need to specify why the creature has a +4 bonus on
Perception checks. You can just include it in the Racial Modifiers
entry. So, you wasted a few more words here, too.

Good use of template (but some minor
mistakes): I only spotted two or three mistakes, e.g. huge should
be Huge. Perception bonus is +22 in the Senses entry, +23 in Skills.

Only one unique ability: The
taniwha has some interesting combat options in the form of feats and
SLAs, but the only unique ability it has is the curse. That said, I do
think it is thematically very appropriate and mechanically
interesting enough. I also like it that it has aqueous orb,
which it can use to move its opponents to the water. I really like it
when there are synergies between the abilities.

A thing I'm slightly worried about is
that while the curse will have little or no effect on some PCs (who
are smart enough to fly, for example), anyone who gets into the water
is pretty much screwed. Fast-moving water is a bit inaccurate as a
game term, by the way, but I assume you mean rough water (DC 15) or
stormy water (DC 20). Combined with the -10 penalty it's an auto-fail
for all but the most dedicated swimmers. Personally, I prefer effects
that challenge the players, make them re-think their tactics and push
them out of their comfort zone, but this ability might totally shut
down a PC or two.

Overall, I think it's a great entry.
I can tell you're talented, but I wish you had given it a
second unique ability to show off your rules-fu and mojo a bit more –
had you left out the redundant text that's already in the UMR, you
could have easily done that.

Sean K Reynolds

I’m gonna prefix all five of my reviews with this note: I’m not doing a
detailed analysis of the stat block math to make sure the creature has
exactly the right number of feats and skill ranks. There are plenty of
electronic tools that check that stuff for you, and I’d rather focus my
comments on game design and concepts rather than math. And thanks for
participating in the Here Be Monsters contest!

The size “huge" should be capitalized as “Huge."

Dragons generally have element subtypes (air/earth/fire/water), not the
aquatic subtype. This dragon should have the water subtype, which allows
it to be active in the water as well as on land. Think of it this way:
“water” gives the creature *more* options (can live on water as well as
the assumed on-land option); “aquatic” gives the creature *fewer*
options (it can *only* live on water); “amphibious” gives an amphibious
creature *more* options (an exception to the water-only rule). By giving
this dragon the water subtype, it wouldn’t need the amphibious subtype
(listed in SQ).

Other Huge (or larger) dragons generally have extended reach with their
bite attacks (it’s called out in the intro text for the Dragon entry
where it describes a dragon’s bite attack).

It’s odd that the creature can’t use its cure moderate wounds SLA on
itself; even a creature whose role is “guardian of others” might need to
heal itself now and then.

For a water dragon who can curse other creatures with penalties against
water magic, I’d expect it to have more water magic of its own—it only
has one (aqueous orb). Hydraulic push and hydraulic torrent would be
good choices, as would control water or even geyser.

I like that this dragon assigned itself the role of guardian of nature.
However, it’s a little strange that they also concern themselves with
humanoids who violate local community traditions (“you wore a red hat on
a Tuesday when it is our custom to wear a *white" hats on Tuesday… drag him to the stocks!”).

Overall I like the theme and execution of this monster. There are a
couple of technical problems, but they’re easily fixed and don’t have a
large impact on the stat block.

7 comments
:

Congratulations, Wendall! Nice to see some new names emerge from the woodwork!

The judges caught most of my concerns already, except that DR 5 for CR 11 seems a tad low to me.

I like this monster's ambiguity and diversity for campaign role. Very flavorful and leaves lots of wiggle room for the GM.

I'm not familiar with the original legend this creature is based on, but props for tackling a dragon, which is (in my opinion) the most difficult creature type to make interesting or original (since it's so high-profile and the standard of comparison is already a game staple).

Thanks for all the quality feedback and for putting me into the top 5! I'm honored to be placed here with such impressive competition.

Just a few notes:

I chose the term "fast-moving water" from the environment rules in the CRB, which effectively has the mechanics of rough water from the Swim skill description but also requires Swim checks when wading through water not deep enough to normally require swimming and causes damage every round on failed checks.

I also intentionally chose the aquatic subtype instead of water because I wanted to distance the taniwha from true dragons and tie it closer to the natural world, similar to the dragon turtle (also an aquatic).

How can I not vote for a dragon?! I might have made the gaze attack a breath weapon, but I suppose the gaze works with the original legend better? Even if not, it does tie in better with that third eye, which is a strong visual image well played.Nice work and good luck, --Scott

Regardless of how this turns out, you should consider joining the Freelance Forge if you're serious about design work. I'm sure I speak for the whole forum when I say we'd love to have a creative mind like yours onboard

Joe - I'm in south Mpls as well, and can be found at Tower Games when I have the time for PFS (occasionally at FFG in Roseville as well). I've only been able to go to a couple public games over the past year, but am hoping to get out more once summer gardening/landscaping season is done.