Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Today's Wednesday Is Made From 100% Reclaimed Water Tower Wood

I had to put it upside-down in order to account for the fork angle, and I wouldn't use it at night because few things annoy me more than "light salmon" (people who use red lights up front or vice-versa), but otherwise it worked fine, because why wouldn't it?

One or two commenters yesterday expressed a wish to see actual moving footage, and once I've wrapped my tiny mind around how to edit and upload short videos maybe I'll do that, but in the meantime I can assure you that you're not missing anything. For example, the most exciting thing that happened to me on my return trip was that I dropped a bag of chips:

They fell out of the pocket of my Inspector Gadget jacket, forcing me to turn around and rescue them from the wheels of an approaching Subaru.

Then, when I got home, the cat used the Fly6 to take a "selfie:"

Coincidentally, this is also the very first thing I see every morning, which is why I'm slowly unraveling.

By the way, what with the Internet age and the global appropriation of "messenger culture," "urban cycling," and all the rest of it, there is only one (1) remaining style of bicycle that is (at least as far as I know) unique to New York City, and that is the food delivery bike:

New York City food delivery bikes tend to be mountain bikes or hybrids, and the GT "triple triangle" frame is especially coveted. The extra-high "cat in heat" fender and taped frame are typical hallmarks, but this particular bike had a couple of interesting features. Firstly, it had a side-pull brake conversion in the rear:

And no front brake at all in the front:

I may sound like I'm being catty (again with the cats?) but I'm totally not, because again I think these bikes are probably the last remaining bit of cycling uniqueness in New York City. Even our bike share bikes are the same as everyone else's (apart from the sponsor):

(Same bike, different bank.)

There was a time when a bike with super-narrow handlebars and a front Aerospoke was a uniquely New York bike, but that was many years ago, and the style has since gone global and is now pretty much completely out of style--though you do still see it in barf-worthy promotional videos:

Look at those bars! I've written with pens longer than that. Seriously, what year is this?!?

Though I guess you need bars that narrow to clear those bollards at the foot of the Williamsburg Bridge:

Couldn't be more than five feet, after all.

Still, if your handlebars are shorter than your brake lever, get longer handlebars:

Wait, why am I even saying this? Nobody does this anymore except for him. Take his friend, John the Baptist, for example:

He rides a skateboard:

And what about his other friend, Jason Schwartzman?

He also rides a skateboard--but it's a tiny skateboard, which has a secondary use as a doorstop:

And together, they all work at the Patagonia store, which is what this video is promoting:

I'm old, so this is incredibly fucking depressing. See the black awning currently shielding the John Vulvanus store? Well, that was once CBGBs, which makes the Patagonia store what was, in my day, the "CBGB Record Canteen:"

Look, I know things can't stay the same, and admittedly the Record Canteen was a poor business model. See, it was foolish to buy a record before a show, since if you brought it inside it would get smashed. And while theoretically you could always buy a record after the show, the fact is that when your ears are ringing that loudly it's hard to think about buying records. It's kind of like shopping for wine with a hangover, or browsing the Nashbar closeouts after a 140-mile "epic." Sure, if you're really far gone you may be up for it, but most people just wanna go to bed.

Now, though, you can go to that same storefront and buy a surfboard from "reclaimed water tower wood:"

And they'll put your surfwax made by a husband-and-wife team in Red Hook in an artisanal reusable shopping bag:

Where trails are too soft for regular mountain bikes, or too sparse to protect skiers from subsurface obstacles, fat bikes are filling a gap. Riders do well on mixed terrain, including on trails where the snow is too thin for skiing and on south-facing pitches where dirt is exposed during a low-snow winter. “It’s opening a new way to be outdoors,” Chris Estrem, a Ketchum physical therapist, backcountry skier and world bicycle traveler, said. “It’s made me a better mountain biker. I want to ride it all the time. I love it.”

Apparently, they're taking off in Idaho because there hasn't been enough snow to ski. Meanwhile, here in New York we need them this winter because there's too much snow, which means the fat bike is now the official bike of climate change, and thus the final harbinger of the apocalypse.

My bike shorts are equipped with a Swiss-made, bicycle-powered pocket pussy so that I can pleasure myself while I ride. Maybe the NYT will write an article about them. They're way better than a fat bike, or a fat bottomed girl (if you're into that sort of thing).

I'm reaching my phat bike endorsement limit. Yet another reason why I can't wait for this snow to go away. But then again, folks keep telling me that they ride em all year round. Good for you, I tell them.

Forgot to tell you: So I wake up yesterday, warsh my face, get dressed, and walk toward the living room where Hunny Bunny is already up, watching the Today show, and as I round the corner and see the screen, the first face I see that day is ROB FORD, being "checked-in-with" by Matt Lauer. Apparently everything's going great and is better than ever now that Fords are going to the gym, stopped doing the crack they "experimented with just that one time" and quit drinking to excess. In response to repeated skeptical hounding he finally says "You might be perfect, Matt, but I'm not" and in this way, Matt Lauer wins.

Speaking of bollards in front of the Williamsburg Bridge bike path, has anyone noticed that they have shrunk? Like 2 feet high. I noticed this the other day. Then I forgot to notice it again today. I wonder if they're still like that. Maybe they are adjustable? Maybe I am a moron for asking an inconsequential question for which I do not have sufficient details.

Anon 1:43 -Here in the frozen since Halloween Midwest and East, we have been given a special cabin fever get out of jail pass if we go insane and happen to murder someone we've been cooped up with.Need to get one of those Fly6 cameras to see if the Mrs is behind me with a knife.

I'd have been here sooner, but after striking out at 2 grocery stores in the past couple of days trying to buy oyster crackers (having leftover chili tonight), I decided to walk almost mile to another grocery at lunch. Success! Picked up a sandwich on the way back, ate it at my desk and looked for the latest post. So that's why I'm 60th or so. Sorry to have wasted everybody's time on my cracker madness but as long as I don't drop them in the street on the way home, I'll have crackers on my chili tonight.

$8500 Murican dollars for a beard transplant? So you can express your individuality by looking like everyone else? Not to mention the vast amount of $$ for all that ink. And still live in gentrified Brooklyn? Sheesh. I'm working at the wrong job.

It is unclear where the term oyster crackers originally comes from. However, it is believed that they are called oyster crackers because they are shaped like an oyster in its shell and are typically served with oyster stew and other dishes made from oysters. There are at least two rival claims for the invention of oyster crackers. However, Adam Exton, the baker of Trenton, New Jersey is typically credited for their creation. Exton, and his brother in law opened a cake and cracker bakery in 1846.

DBAlas I have no Inspector Gadget jacket, so I must portage my own crackers (in a plastic Jewel bag). If I did sport an IG jacket, I'd have the grocery deliver the crackers to my house. Can't spoil the line of the jacket by jamming stuff in the pockets. Just not done. Besides, that's what my other clothes are for.

ge,Yeah, and I was only talking about crackers. If it had been those little rubber adapters in pumps that are supposed to make them work on both Schrader and Presta valves I'd be yammering for -- well, I'll just stop now.

I like the wheels on the delivery bike. The same ones came stock on my road bike. They feature low spoke count which is a bike shop mechanics dream cause they wont stay true. Then the rim cracks at all of the nipples because you have been tweaking the spoke tension so much.

I just had to see it to believe it, so I went down to the Bowery Surf Shop...there they all were, the folks from the video, the only ones in the store. I walked further down the Bowery and passed by the Bowery Mission, where homeless guys have dinner.

I resembled those videos yesterday - barely recovered from a full on sideways cycling skid on a steep icey hill - all those spinning peeps gotta let go of the brakes (and hope for a dry patch to use them on later).

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!