Saturday, 28 February 2015

I have been looking at various videos about this Amanda Todd girl, seen a few rants, and some support videos, and more. Below is my comment to one of the rants that I have seen. It will pretty explain everything.

In my opinion, this isn't really about Amanda still getting attention, and i find it weird that you would mention that, you make it sound like she did it as a way to get even more attention, and from the look of it, she would probably would have been smart enough to like have that mindset that its wrong, however, with all that she had gone through because of one picture, and the mistakes she made, her mindset changed, but it was not really a choice, once you are stuck in that depression mind set, its hard to break out of, I myself have been depressed, not really cause of mistakes i made, but the point is, once someone is really " depressed ", it is really hard to actually choose what’s right and what’s wrong, clearly her mistakes were wrong, but in her mind, she was looking for an escape in the wrong places, BECAUSE she was not in her right mind, she was depressed, in a way, she wasn't her anymore, in a way, she just had a mindset that anything that would make her feel comfortable would be a way to escape, and as such, she made these mistakes as sort of a way to feel better, which we all know was wrong, but the point here is she was so depressed, she lost the will and the mindset to really see that, and she, as you and some people say, " CHOSE" to kill herself, it was not really a choice, you HAVE TO LOOK AT IT FROM HER PERSPECTIVE NOT YOURS, put yourself in her shoes, ii you had a depressed mindset, you would be reaching out for comfort, and not wanting to feel crazy or need of help, that is how usually depressed people are, they do not want to be labeled crazy, as I also have in the past, but i came out of that, but this isn't about me, the point is, the issue with Amanda Todd is more about the EFFECTS things can cause, how one picture can expand into pretty much a worldwide thing, and as such, can cause one to be looked at as a slut, having guys ask her for stuff that probably sickened her at the time, but because she fell into that depression, that mindset, she lost control, in a way, she was already gone the moment she made that mistake, it’s not that she gave in, more like she lost herself.... I think you get my point by now.

Friday, 27 February 2015

This article is about those who feel like they are getting " too old " to keep playing video games, but yet still really love doing it. People say that if you love something, stick with it, then why stop playing video games, especially that there are a large variety of video games in the world, for different age groups. Also, video games have grown so big, went from just an activity, to being a massive thing in society. There are even people in their 80s that are gamers ( check this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0MuJgcu_l0 ). There are big gaming events, PAX being one of them. There is something called the Major League Gaming. Here is a question to ask yourself, you may be playing some app games such as Candy Crush, what makes you different than someone who plays on a console? What makes a game on a phone app, and spending hours on a phone app, different than someone spending hours on a console? Think of it this way, you have certain movies that you love, would you stop watching them because you are too old? Depending on the movie maybe, but most likely you would choose to move on to another movie because you love movies. So whats the difference between that, and between someone who moves on from one video game to the next? They are both entertainment, and if you are loving what you see or do ( a movie or a game ), what is really stopping you from doing what you love? NO ONE. So never think that you are too old for something, stopping it is more of a choice, but its not a " bad thing" to stick with it. Some people even made a living out of it ( PewDiePie ). So if you are a parent, and worried bout your son or daughter playing too much, maybe encourage them to make it into some sort of career, like a video game tester, or a designer of video games, or art, or even try to be a famous YouTube gamer. Never feel bad if you are old and playing video games, or a parent and feeling bad bout your son or daughter playing a lot of video games, if its what they love, encourage and get them into working in " the field". You are never too old for games. If its what you love, DO IT! :)

Friday, 20 February 2015

I have had a bit of a tough time getting a job, mostly because I didn't get one. I went from getting a couple, to not getting one. So I chose to go to little jobs, but have felt every time that I should do way better than this. I felt like I was giving up on everything and just settling, but I do NOT settle, even if I try. The only time I would is if I was with someone, knowing that someone truly felt for me, and I would go out of my way for them because that's just who I am. However, lets just say that my past lie is gone ( lie meaning a person ), so I started to think about myself. First, I thought that I am 24, and should really have a job by now and be doing something in my field. I have tried looking for jobs, again, I have some help with my job search, even had a family friend let me know that they work for a company that is always hiring, but yet I did not get a response yet, for a while. So I chose to look at other options, and I bumped into a college that really looked like something, I was thinking of going to a accounting program because it was what my family friend was going to get me, but something hit me. I started to wonder if this college has so much services and so on, internships, employer services ( so employers can hire graduates ), and more, and they also had courses in health and community stuff. I felt like I had to make a choice. On one hand, the accounting program, move on with my life and work and just focus on providing for my future family, and leave all that I have tried to do behind. Option 2, Community service worker, continue to help people in need, create any sort of change I can. The moment I stepped into the college to discuss with the career counselor I already made my choice. I chose to continue with what I was doing before, so I chose the Community program. I have nothing stopping me, and as I said, I DO NOT SETTLE, so why settle with a job just to provide my future family, when now I can be working on what I have started on before, creating change, in any way I can, with so much support from the college to get work in it and so on. Bottom line is, THE LEADER OF CHANGE IS BACK ( look at my past posts and you will see what I mean lol ) :) will be starting classes in a few weeks.

Tuesday, 10 February 2015

Those you thought would be on your side, turns out to be only " doing their job ", Those that you think that feel so deeply for you, can turn their back on you at a moment notice, Fighting and making a difference, can take more than a lifetime to change one thing. Graduating from a college and going on to getting a job, is a real rough path especially if you have been through depression. These are just a few things I have been through, yet I continue to push forward, falling, but getting up again and again. Feeling like giving up, yet I get back up and continue, I let go feeling like it’s over, but get right back up and take it once more because deep inside I know I can. I have been through so much, from my school life, my depression I faced after graduating college, my push for change, relationship issues, isolation, sadness, and so much more things I had been through in my life, yet I keep going. I will tell you everything that I have faced, everything I have felt, gone through, and give you what you need, motivation, and more to create change. You are not alone!

The story begins in elementary school in the 4th grade, where I had to move from one school to another, I was shy and did not know anyone in the school, I was placed in a help class, to help me with my homework. In time, the teachers of that class told me and my parents that I will never ever go to college, or even a “proper high school”. Can you imagine how that must have felt to hear that from those who are supposed to be there to prepare you and help you to make it to something more than just a “proper high school”? In time, the school allowed me to go to my 6th grade without any of the extra help. I almost got straight As and proved them wrong. Sounds great doesn’t it, but this is actually the start of my depressive school life.

I had to face so many hardships from this point. Students making fun of me for any little thing I do, and It wouldn’t just last a day, it would last longer. I was bullied for almost every single thing I did that I started to feel like everything I did was wrong. I also started to feel like I had no friends around me, and being the new shy kid in the school, I started to turn into just being shy to talk to someone, to being scared to talk to someone. I would leave all of this to myself, not tell my parents because they were so focused on my education, and would not tell my brother since he seemed happy with his life, so I was alone, until I have met someone.

There was this girl in one of my classes, we hardly talked but I had a feeling that inside she cared, we talked and she even hugged me at my 8th grade graduation, you can say that she was my first crush. I wanted to get to know more about her, and she even went to the same high school I was in, but she started to turn her back on me, like all this time she only felt sorry for me. I had no other choice but to force myself away from her. I thought of her for almost 6 years, as I mentioned, was my first crush in a way.

Before I get into my high school life, I have also went to a summer camp 3 times ( 3 summers ). I was so nervous about going there, but I went from being shy, to being so open and free and talkative, it was like I could be myself. It was a great time in my life and I still hold memories of it with me, like being awarded the friendship awards for all 3 summers I went, ok one of them was a swimming award but the thing it said on the award was more of a friendship award.

My high school life, West Hill, I used to call it West Hell, cause it is the place where I have suffered so much and changed me, for the worst. I was still being laughed at, but luckly my 2 best friends from my first elementary school were there, but by that time, the time we started to hand out, it was already “too late”. I felt so down and sad, to the point that I thought that I was shy and always have been, when really deep down I was scared. I started having thoughts every time I was alone, feeling like I was surrounded by people laughing at me, me in the center and a dark circle of people laughing at me. I would sometimes see a light, like a sign of hope, someone who seemed to care and I would go towards it, but then would other turn dark, or would push me back and laugh at me again. It was bad, REALLY BAD.

A teacher noticed what was going on, mostly because my marks were looking strange, getting good in stuff I get bad at and low on stuff I get good at, like a wave. They brought of a doctor to check up on me, done a few puzzles and tests, and found out that I had a superior mind and should be getting great marks. Some may think that this is great and should make me feel better, but to me at the time it made me feel worse, cause at that point I realized that I had no problem, they just had a problem with me, and I was stuck in a place full of people who didn’t like me.

It got to the point where I would come home screaming and mad every day even if the day wasn’t so bad. I would even hurt myself, no cuts, but I would choke myself with a t shirt, still allowing air through, but would do it to the point where I felt pain. I was depressed and dead inside and “gone”.
One day, I went on a chat site, and I was really surprised what I saw. I started making a ton of online friends so much that eventually I had to make more than one account. I was shocked to get the love, seeing so much people care and even like me. I was so happy and I stopped hurting myself, still felt bad in school, but I always had something, and people to go to when I need to.

My parents started taking me to religious events. Seeing a lot of people, my parent’s friends and so on, I found the speeches and so on interesting, but yet every single time I went there, I was looked at as a no body. No one there wanted to get to know me, they would say hi then want to know where my brother is and spend the rest of the time talking to him, and this lasted for years and never changed. For a place of “love” and people gathering together and so on, you wouldn’t think that anyone could feel alone, or not feel welcomed, but I did, caused me to feel even worse about myself, pretty strange isn’t it.

Now for my college life, yes I said college, the place where some teachers thought I would never make it but I did, and I was in one of the hardest programs, computer science. You would think that nothing can happen in college, knowing that they are adults and educated people around, that there can’t be anything bad right? Well I met someone who always liked to be around me, and she even told me she loved me, but turned out that she used me to get good marks on her exams. Once she got better at it, she just left me like I was nothing, and I was alone, again. At that time, I felt like I had a choice to make, to keep all my personal stuff that I wanted to say or talk to someone, to leave all that online, and to leave all my educational career stuff in person. I even chose to do a group project that was meant for 5 people, to do it by myself. I got a great mark on it. From that point on, I just kept person stuff online, and education in person.

After college, my depression really kicked in. I had no distractions and nothing to do, and my depression came out. Got really sad and mad and wanted to do so many things, wanted to be noticed for something so badly that I would do anything, become a pro wrestler, but would stop because I felt like I would just be made fun of or was being made fun of, would think about being an actor, but then felt like I would not be good enough. I was in a loop, and my brother didn’t make it any better, there was one moment where my brother went on and on about something, and it was the first and only time that I heard laughing in my head, and no one was laughing.

I had to take anti-depressants for a little bit, and felt much better. I then started to focus so much of my time to help others to make a difference and I could have too actually, I reached to the point where one of the top people in the school board contacted me and wanted to know more, but then wanted me to do something that I couldn’t do at the time. I felt rejected and was down, I thought that it was over and chose to focus hard on getting a job and working to get somewhere, but I still keep reaching out and helping those in need, and I still continue to find ways to make a difference in the world.

I have also met someone online who I was with for 3 years, she was so sweet, caring, and I believed that she really felt for me. Days before I went to see her in person, she cheated on me, when I went there, she had no interest in me, even though she always said she dreamed about it. I believe that she may have felt something for me, but her life changed, that caused her to do things she would never have done, and change into something really bad, I had no choice but to let her go.

I do not have many friends, I am alone most of the time, but yet I keep fighting. I keep pushing forward through all the rough times. I continue to prove people wrong, fighting, working hard, and making a difference in people’s lives. It has also been a rough time getting a job, having suffered after graduating and having little to show, but yet I know so much. I am a fighter, a survivor, and a giver. I have been told by many people that I have what it takes to be a leader, but to me, everyone does. KEEP FIGHTING! PUSH FORWARD! NEVER GIVE UP!