If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.Robert X. Cringely, InfoWorld magazine~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two men were out playing golf on a nice Saturday afternoon.

They were getting frustrated, though, because the two women who were playing right in front of them were quite slow, and were holding up the men's game.

"Don't they know their supposed to let us play through?!" asked the first man.

The other man shook his head. "I'm going to go ask them if we can play through," said the first man, emphatically, "Enough is enough!"

He started walking over toward the women, but as he got close, he suddenly turned around and came back, white as a ghost.

"Oh God," he said to his friend, "This is awful. You're going to have to ask those women if we can play through. You see, one of them is my wife, and the other is my mistress!"

The other man shrugged, and said "No sweat."

He walked over toward the women, and just as he was getting close, turned around and came running back to his pal. His eyes wide open, he said - "Small world isn't it!"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, "Mommy, I got five dollars!" The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from.

The little girl replied, ''Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree.

The mother told her daughter, "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see your panties."

''OOOOhhhh'' said the little girl.

The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I got ten dollars. The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?"

The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed."

The mother replied, "Didn't I tell you that he is...''

Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, ''Wait Mommy. I tricked him, I didn't wear any panties today.''~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A mafia's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new..." He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away.

He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new..." He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away.

He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother's room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, "Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again..." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eight-year-old Nina brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's.

However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Nina is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."

Nina's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Nina because I would like to try it out on her mother." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A father picks up his son after school and asks him how his day has been. "Great dad, today they give me my part at the school play", says the boy. "Really? and what do you play?" asks the father. "I play a man who has been married for twenty years". "That's nice son", says the father, "you do a good work and one day the'll give you a speaking role".~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'll be playing in my room for the next two hours. I sure would like a piece of cake when you're finished."

Later, when his mother brought him a piece of cooled cake, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Golly, it worked!"

Puzzled, his mother asked, "What do you mean?"

Little Johnny replied, "Daddy said that in order to get a piece around here, you have to spend a couple of hours playing first!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

John said to Mary, "I'll bet you ten cents I can kiss you on the lips without touching them."

"You're crazy," said Mary. "That's impossible. Here's a dime that says you can't."

The two dimes were placed on the mantelpiece and John then enfolded Mary and for ten minutes kissed her passionately, intimately, and moistly.

She broke away at last, panting and disheveled, and said, "You did nothing BUT touch my lips."

John pushed the dimes toward her and said, "So You win."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie.

Happy St Patrick's Day!

Did we do that already?

It's Friday for me, AND it's my birthday,

in two months

and 14 days.

I'll be 6T3.

or......sex shee free....without my teeth in.

Heck, I been sex free longer than that.

All I can do is talk about it anymore.

Anywhere but here.

I've been watching ghost stories on the tele.

Not the smartest thing to do if you're alone on a dark night, out in the country, in a big old dark creaky house at Halloween, and you're a little bit spooky.

Have a happy day everybody, and uh, I'll see you in the morning if Jason or Freddy don't come calling tonight, or that Texas chainsaw guy, or that evil pumpkin head monster, or the Mummy, or Frankenstein........or my sister.

joe

Edited by gymcandy1 (09/21/1311:22 PM)

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"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

Good morning everyone. Donald left for Ohio yesterday to work. Scott couldn't go as he has to work rebuilding his house. It seems they work in the South in the hot months and the North when it's cold. Breakfast out this morning and a Sam's trip. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Sunday. Danish, Eggs, Bacon, Sausage, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, and Toast in the NC.

Good morning everyone. I spent Friday night with Susie. We watched a movie then lights out at 10. I was up by 7, had a shower, dressed and was having breakfast when Susie got up. We got lots of gabbing in. Winston jumped up on the bed and begged popcorn while we were watching the movie. We call him Winnie Woo Woo because when he talks to us he woo woo's. He is so funny. Anyway, I was back home yesterday by 2:30.

Was cool this morning, 51. Long sleeved shirt feels good. Haven't got any plans for the day so will just play it by ear.

Hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday. Hugs to all.

Bets

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Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

Son is smoothied and out the door. Exdil's live in will pick the boys up in an hour. Mr. Cully was ill last night but seems to be feeling better today. Mr. Perrin has been entertaining himself with Star Wars: Angry Birds II. He and his dad were trash talking to each other about who was the better player last night....too funny!

Another hot day here, but the morning was cool. We might get the doggies out today...depends on the temps when the boys are picked up.

I can't watch spooky movies at all. I had nightmares for months after Silence of the Lambs. I used to watch them with hubby, but after watching something whose name escapes me now......hubby turned over and snored all night and I was sitting in bed wide eyed and alert all night.....I stopped.

Back later.....

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"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole." -Roger Caras

Lovely day here. Cool, sunny, light breeze, so far no drama in the neighborhood except:

Last night, the gal who had been packing up all those boxes in the old guy's house (trying to get him home after his first 'episode' and then all found out he was never coming home, and all the police involvement and breakin's etc., came over to chat. Ugh!

Hadn't seen her for months and months, nor had the 'caretaker' guy who calls me about every 2 weeks to check on things. Last time I talked to her, it was over some clocks she said she was taking to the old guy's nursing home because he wanted them. Then she called and said they were bringing them back because he changed his mind. Well, she and her girlfriend took 4 clocks out, and brought TWO back. I saw it plain as day. I had told her that if anything was amiss over there, if the police asked me any questions about things, I would not lie and would tell them that she and friend were the last I saw go into the house.

Well, the 'caretaker' guy and I were chatting about a week ago, and I mentioned the 'clock' incident. He must have talked to her yesterday, and she wanted to 'confront' me about the implication of her doing something wrong. So quick thinking, I told her 'caretaker' called me, I mentioned that she and friend had taken some clocks but then returned them, etc. She seemed satisfied with that. I didn't lie, I just didn't state exact numbers. Oh well. I think now that the house is for sale, she's afraid something she might have taken will be discovered. She also mentioned maybe wanting to get into the garage to get some of the 'caretakers' tools and a dolly that she left there too.

Don't trust her at all since the clock missing incident and let her know that it would NOT be wise to go anywhere near that house at this time. Hope she listens. There are more than a few people watching that house and calling 'people' if anyone is around it. Amazing how that works. I think I know 2 of them now but may be others I just have no idea.

I'm careful to not go near the house, unless it's to talk to the old guy's niece, or yesterday, the realtors. Not taking chances.

AND the gal told me that sometime in the past, her friend's ex hubby and her saw someone in the house, the ex went inside to see who it was, someone called the cops and HE was arrested for trespassing or other charges. She found out when friend called her asking to borrow money for his bail. Hummmmm. I guess the neighbor wasn't hallucinating when she told us that the police had someone 'sitting on the curb in handcuffs' one day. I figured she was nuts, but this all fits nicely now.

Praying for the day the house is sold, rehabbed and some nice family moves in. With my luck, they will turn it into a commune or some other fun place. Holding my breath.