Friday Fictioneers – Breathing

She lay beside him, sleeping. The respirator of her chest rattled as it rose and fell, the breath rasping alien through sunken tubes. In terror, he believed he heard a mechanical hum and then a click at the end of every in-breath.

Beyond the fevered bedroom, the church clock struck thirteen.

Friday fictioneers is a weekly challenge set by Rochelle Wisoff Fieldsto write a 100-word story in response to a photo prompt. You can find other stories here.

Fancy sharpening your skill with writing exercises? The Scrivener’s Forge offers a new exercise every month to hone one aspect of your craft. Take a look at this month’s exercise on point of view.

It must be terrifying when you start to imagine such things about those close to you. I hope he realised in time that he needed medical help with his hallucinations. You used auditory hallucinations brilliantly, and what a clever use of the clock striking thirteen. It didn’t, of course – clocks don’t – so he must be hallucinating. Lovely, skilful, succinct writing.

Oh, the sound of a respirator is haunting. I can’t decide if she is on one or his night terrors has created the sound because she is and alien (or they are alienated.) Thank you for engaging my imagination.

Yes very thought provoking. The first paragraph could be taken in a couple of ways at least and that clock striking 13 you had to follow the way that I, at least, had discarded. This was a very effective way of making the story frightening.

Hi Neil, I really like this. Although it’s got a real horror feel to it, the reader or perhaps I should say, this reader tried to hand out to a plausible, rational version of events, they’re in a hospital, she’s been in intensive care recently etc. Anyway looking forward to more psychosis