Micromanaging Motorcyclist

After breaking up with the binge drinking Brit and settling into my new digs, I decided the best course of action was to just put myself back out there. This time I was going to listen to and trust my gut more.

One guy I started texting via Tinder lived about 2 1/2 hours away. He seemed very high energy, like he had always had a couple Red Bulls, even through his texts! I suppose I sort of liked it after the depressive, abusive relationship I had recently ended. He pressed for moving to texts and phone conversations quickly, but it went along with his high energy personality. He said he could tell a lot about a person by their voice. I don’t know about that. I think you can tell if someone has some really annoying habits like repeating what you say, or trying to finish your sentences, or constantly clearing their throats. I do not think a voice gives insight into someone’s psyche.

I think he was some sort of IT guy, so talking about work was like taking an Ambien despite his high energy demeanor. I was just about to do a slow fade on him until he mentioned he had a motorcycle and quite often there was a group of friends that would get together for a ride. This actually intrigued me. I loved riding motorcycles! Once we established the common interest we planned a date. I was going to come with him and several other friends, including some couples, for a ride. He was so detailed at describing each and every person I would meet. I guess he wanted me to be comfortable. He also wanted every little detail about me and thus requested several current photos. I was a little uncomfortable with this request, but from prior experiences I could understand not wanting to be surprised the day of….especially when you are introducing someone to your circle of friends on a first date.

This date planning started about two weeks before it would actually take place. I could appreciate the effort he was making to plan everything to work smoothly. However, the initial admiration for attention to detail soon turned into annoyance. All day at work I would get texts about who was coming, who changed their minds. Texts about what time we should meet and where, given our geographic distance from each other. There would be a text saying “why don’t we meet at my place and then we can ride to my buddy’s place to meet up with him and then this person and that person. Then we can go to that place to meet up with blah blah blah blah blah”. Why did I need to know all of this? A little later it would be “what time will you leave your place?” then “If you leave a little earlier it might be better.” I got texts asking what I planned to wear, telling me what I should bring. Did I have a backpack? (Insert Flight of the Bumblebee – Korsakov)

We were down to one week before the ride and I got a long text changing the order of meet ups because one person had to cancel. I was at work and busy so I replied “all I really need to know is what time to meet you and where.” That must have encouraged him to then send an onslaught of texts regarding the logistics of what time I needed to leave based on traffic patterns and the time to prepare for the next stop, etc. I physically let out a long sigh and my head hurt from all the constant details and changing of details. I knew I could not tolerate a date, much less a relationship, with someone like this. I sent a text back saying “I’m sorry but I’m not going to be able to go. I’ve become so exhausted…from the hundreds of micromanaging texts. Have a great time.” I never heard from him again.

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Published by kkatch22

I have always been a hopeless romantic believing in a fairytale-like love. Even after two bad marriages and more bad dates than I can count, I still held out for that perfect love. Finding it has been an adventure. I want to share my journey so that others know it can happen for them as well. The road leading to happiness has a lot of bumps...feel free to laugh at all of mine!
View all posts by kkatch22

Glad you never went on that date… he sounded like he was in the ‘manic’ phase of bipolar disorder to me. He would have been excruciating! Not that I have anything against people with bipolar or anything. But for a first date… it just shouldn’t have been that complicated.