It often “cometh before a fall” but do we really know the ins and outs of pride?

Most of us don’t realize that pride has two faces – one of inordinate self-esteem, and one of reasonable or justifiable self-respect. Seeing it from that perspective, then, it isn’t very hard to deduce that, depending on which face of pride you are wearing in a particular situation, the outcome of a moment could be as different as night and day.

Growing up, I was taught that being prideful was a bad thing. It was communicated to me that when I was feeling intense pride, I was being selfish and self-centered in a negative, unproductive way. In adulthood and after many years of self-exploration, I now realize, as many other do, that pride can be a very powerful and positive form of self-respect. Nurturing your pride is one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself, if you nurture the right kind.

The following are some ways in which you can identify, affirm and reap the rewards of the positive face of pride in your life.

Pride Identity: One of the most powerful tools I have in identifying which face of pride I am wearing is found in a book by Don Miguel Ruiz called “The Four Agreements.” In this book, Don Miguel writes that one of the agreements is to not take anything personally. How I have translated that into dealing with negative, prideful feelings in my life is to ask myself what my part is in any given situation. If there is a conflict, or I am feeling uncomfortable – whether manically happy, sad or angry – should I be taking the event personally, and if so, why? You’ll be amazed at how many times realizations that you are seeking attention, are overtired, need to eat something, etc …will come up. Getting to the core of what you are feeling helps you to deflate self-centered behavior and renew your sense of self-respect.

Positive Affirmations: These are phrases that you can speak to yourself while looking into a mirror or repeat them quietly to yourself. Keep in mind that positive affirmations are not meant to suppress or discount the emotional state you are in they are meant to redirect you to a higher place of consciousness and peace.

I am enjoying my life right now

My personal accomplishments enrich my life and the lives of others

I find joy in the accomplishments of others

Everyday, I take my bond to myself to a higher, enlightened level

I am a joyful observer and am proud of who I am

Exercise for Pride: Perhaps there have been moments in which you have noticed feelings of stubbornness, severe resistance or negativity directed toward a particular situation such as not getting something that you wanted very badly or missing out on an opportunity. This would be a great time for this type of exercise.

Get a piece of paper and pencil

Draw two columns and title one “Personal Accomplishments” and the other “Failures”

Write down everything you feel you accomplished in that situation as well as how you felt you failed

Read it to yourself out loud for three days

On the third day, burn the list and “release” it with a prayer or statement.