A $65 billion Ponzi scheme, and all I got was this lousy tree-stump table.

Nearly 1,000 bidders came yesterday to the Midtown auction of Bernard Madoff’s ill-gotten gains, shelling out more than $940,000 — double what was expected — on the mega-swindler’s lavish jewelry, paintings and even golf clubs.

Some of the nearly 200 items on the block far exceeded their asking prices. A pair of pre-Vic torian-era diamond earrings worn by Madoff’s wife, Ruth, were expected to sell for between $14,300 and $21,400 but fetched $70,000.

Some of the lesser-valued items also drew a flurry of bidding. A blue satin Met jacket that bears Madoff’s name and the number 25 was expected to go for between $500 and $720 but was snapped up for $14,500 by an online bidder.

Many of the 40 lavish watches Madoff once dangled on his dainty wrists also commanded high prices, although a few were bought at a bargain. One vintage 18-carat gold Rolex went for $65,000, $10,000 less than expected.

All the Madoff items were seized by US marshals. The feds will funnel the money to victims.

The Post found some of the winning bidders and asked them why they wanted Madoff’s stuff.