What Has Changed in the Last 10 Years? The Definition of Romance Especially After Kids

Mom Unfiltered talks about the realities that moms don't post on social media, or, as we like to say here, these are the thoughts we all have in the bathroom.

PHOTO BY iStock

Everybody’s been sharing their old pics for the #10YearChallenge. It’s nice to see how we’ve changed (and it's flattering when people tell us we haven’t). But you know what’s really changed in the last 10 years, thanks to marriage and kids? Our lifestyles and definitions of romance. Our cute couple pics may still look like we’re still the couple on their first-anniversary date, but the look in our eyes isn’t starry-eyed passion — it’s glassy-eyed exhaustion.

Let’s look at Valentine’s then and now (also known as Date Night After Kids)

Romantic Dinner

THEN: Fancy restaurant with steak, wine, and cheese platter

NOW: Pizza with wine (Pizza has cheese, right? And hubby’s chances of getting romance increases if I don’t have to cook or wash dishes.)

ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW

Movie Dates

THEN: The movie’s really just an excuse to get popcorn and cuddle in a cold theater.

NOW: You skip the theater and watch at home. The film’s really just an excuse to eat popcorn and fall asleep on the couch.

Flirty Text Messages

Attraction

THEN: He looks most sexy in that shirt.

NOW: He looks most sexy when he changes the baby’s diaper — without being asked!

It’s difficult for romance to survive the #10YearChallenge, and though we laugh about it, let’s be honest — we miss it. Valentine’s and Date Nights become a desperate attempt to recapture it and become the Couple We Used To Be. Or at least, feel (for one night) that we’re not just a wife, we’re a woman.

ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW

On the flipside, though, romance may not have disappeared, but it’s just become something else. Ideally, in a good marriage where you feel an emotional and physical connection, you don’t have dates. You have moments. These are often unplanned, but somehow you exchange a look or have an in-depth conversation or anything actually that makes you really happy you ended up with each other.

Maybe the real #10YearChallenge is to find those moments and create more of them. You don’t need lingerie, perfume, or an expensive dinner. You just have to remember why you fell in love with this person and actually say it out loud.

In fact, you can say it right now. Tag the guy who still rocks your world even when he’s snoring on the couch and smells of Salonpas. Happy Valentine’s, moms!

There’s no perfect marriage, situation, or answer, but it helps to know we’re not alone! What's the sweetest thing your husband did for you lately? Share and inspire other moms on the comments below or send them on our Facebook Messenger and smartparenting2013@gmail.com. We’d love to hear from you!

Dedet Reyes Panabi was editor-in-chief of a parenting magazine for seven years, then quit to work from home and spend quality time with family and Netflix. She now works from home as a digital communications and social media manager for a multinational. (Or has her son described it on Career Day, “My mom’s on Facebook the whole day.”)