Project Runway: When the lights go down in the city

OK, OK, I submit. You guys spoke, and I listen. So, before we begin, let me just say, “Here lies the remains of my poorly-planned nicknames.” They’re dead, gone, finito.

Well, almost. I refuse to call “Suede” by that name. Refuse. He remains “John,” sorry. Call it compromise.

Also, while we’re doing a little housekeeping, a little birdie told me about this blog wherein the writer offers a different perspective of Runway. Specifically, he hates it. BUT, he’s pretty hilarious while hating it. Now, obviously, I don’t agree with his perspective, but — in the interest of fair-and-balanced coverage AND as a sort of sociological study of those rare humans who can’t enjoy watching a bunch of narcissistic famejunkies playing with sequins — I’m going to give him a shout-out anyway. (Also, sir, I’d like to point out that you’re not the first to do a blog about a show you hate, athankyouverymuch.) Let’s hope he plays nice and returns the favor.

ANYWAY, we have an episode to chat about, so let’s get to it.

We begin once again without our signature opening (sigh), and instead are subjected to the pointless watch-the-designers-wake-up segment. Daniel is bummed that Wesley is gone, since they were really connecting. SO THAT’S WHAT THE KIDS ARE CALLING IT THESE DAYS. Kelli is trying to get Stella out of bed. Thrilling.

On the runway, Heidi(licious) brings out the winning and losing models from the last challenge. “John” gets to choose to keep his model (which he does). “John” also refers to “John” loving his model and “John” is going to keep her and “John” CAN’T STOP TALKING THIRD PERSON. Please. Stop.

Heidi dismisses the designers back to their rooms where Tim (who apparently was totally ripped-off the first two seasons of Runway) takes them out for a night on the town (let’s hope someone else picks up the tab). Unfortunately, it’s raining, so the designers need rain boots and ponchos. Which I guess is a problem? Apparently, their next challenge is on a double-decker bus. They need to get inspiration from New York at night. Now, I love New York, really I do, but how many times have we’ve seen this challenge? Ooh, this time it’s at night! How original. C’mon, PR producers, let’s see something a little more creative.

The designers scurry about the New York streets, snapping photos of shadows, clocks and fire hydrants. Except for Stella, who can’t get her camera working (presumably because it’s not made out of “leathuh”).

Interesting note: Keith is from Salt Lake City, Mormon-central. He mentions how tough it was to be gay in SLC. It’s not easy to be punk, either. Or so I’ve heard. He also provides the first “I’m not here to make friends” of the season. I’m sure it won’t be the last.

Back in the workroom, Tim instructs the designers to choose a photo before their trip to Mood. Kenley chooses a picture of a map that looks like a painted print. Blayne took a pic in Times Square that has a lot of neon colors. Keith likes a water-logged magazine.

Even though this is episode three, it’s the designers first trip to Mood. Kenley, who tries to look like Betty Paige, SURPRISINGLY likes to incorporate styles from the ’40s and ’50s. Did that need to be stated?

“John” is here to “rock it.” “John” has decided to work with a shirt-dress silhouette. “John” is using flecks of color. “John” is going to drive me crazy with the third person.

Leanne is worried that she’ll be “too creative” again. So that’s her reason for being in the bottom two last week? Blayne looks over to Kenley and tells her he’s going to eat her. Um … Coming from anyone else, it would be sort of funny, I guess. But coming from him, since he looks like some sort of tangerine-gremlin hybrid, it’s really distressing. Keith is doing some sort of weird Santino thing with all kinds of little pieces of fabric everywhere. Emily is struggling. More importantly, Emily looks a lot like Ali Lohan. Stella calls a grommet “gay.” Really? Really, Stella? Shouldn’t you be above that? Shouldn’t you realize what show you’re on and on which network? It’s not that I’m some uppity activist who thinks everything is a pointed attack, it’s just so … lowbrow. And simplistic. I have a slew of four-letter words to describe things that are frustrating me, just saying.

ANYWAY. Big surprise, she’s inspired by a “leathuh” blinder on a horse.

Here’s Tim to impart some wisdom. He’s concerned about Jennifer managing her time. He wants to make sure Keith’s poof-pile of fabric will have a shape in the end. Mr. Gunn likes the silohuette, but thinks the rest of Kenley’s look is a little costumey. Terri promises to make Tim happy. Leanne’s skirt is gorgeous (so says Tim and I). He calls Emily’s work “A black dress with a great, big, oversized corsage.” He wants more. She implies that she’s going to ignore him. Not a good sign. Blayne tries to teach Tim to “Holler” at his “boy.” It’s a little painful, to say the least.

On the day of the runway show, Tim makes an announcement. Keith’s model has dropped-out. Keith says, “You have to make it work. You have to make killer fashion” like this is really his time to rise above and do something meaningful. Whatever dude, you just have to take it in a little. Get over yourself.

Tonight’s guest judge is Sandra Bernhard, of Roseanne fame. Apparently, she also qualifies as a comedian, actress, New York nightlife aficionado and I guess fashion judge. Sure.

The top and bottom three are asked to remain, the rest are safe. Let’s see who’s on top and who’s on the chopping block.

Leanne: Michael loves the idea that it’s separates. Heidi calls it impeccable and says she would wear it in a heartbeat. It’s my personal top pick as well. Very chic.

Terri: Sandra wrote, “Fierce, sexy and in control.” Heidi thinks it’s cool. Michael calls the model “a girl you want to know.” I happen to love this look. It’s got tons of New York flair and attitude without all the typical structural inspiration (like Jay’s Chrysler building dress from season one.)

The Bottom 3

Barbara Nitke : Bravo

Bottom 3 from left to right: Jennifer, Keith and Emily.

Jennifer: Kors doesn’t see surrealism in the garment. Heidi immediately wrote down matronly. Nina just thinks it’s OK, maybe on the boring side. Oh, Nina, you’re always so right.

Keith: Michael describes it as “toilet paper caught in a windstorm.” Heidi says the shape is missing. Nina thinks it doesn’t look polished and the effect is very sloppy. Seriously. This guy is all talk. The dress is a flop.

Emily: Ms. Bernhard thinks it’s cha-cha. Nina says the ruffles take over. Michael doesn’t think the explosion of color is not placed well. I tend to agree. There’s not much going on there. It’s like she took a basic black dress from Target (not that there’s anything wrong with that) and then outsourced sewing on that ruffle to … well … to me.

So who’s in? Terri. Leaving Kenley to take the top spot and immunity for next week. Wha? Her dress was cute, but Leanne’s was far and away the most successful in every way. Oh well, of course she’s in too.

Keith is safe as well, though I think he’s only here because he has a more combustible personality. Jennifer, the boring surrealist, stays to sew again, meaning Ali Lohan Emily is out. Good riddance. That’s what you get for dissing Tim.