Category: Oldies but Goodies

On a dinner date with the same boy I saw earlier dig a hole with a stick, drop his pants then fall to his knees and pee into that hole until it over flowed onto his legs. All awhile giggling. My standards are low.

M- Mom did you know beavers chew wood like this (I had to look in the rear view mirror) and make houses out of it?
Me- Yeah (I caught myself before I told him the name of those houses for fear he’d go on a DAM overload in the store, And the good Lord knows I was on my way to SAMs)
M- Mom, what do beavers eat?
Me- Well, I’m not…
M- MOM! I’m doing the talking right now, you LISTEN!

“Mom, dad is sick. Very, very sick. Cause he ate vegetables. He has a head egg too. He’s sick” -M

Well B took the cake today. He comes home from school saying he has 4 girlfriends now. I said 4? Who is number 4?
He replies, “Darlene is.”
“So how did this happen.”
“I don’t know she just told me today.”
He also told me that tomorrow they want to go hide during recess. WOAH WOAH WOAH
“You will not kiss her and no holding hands!”
“Ahh mom!”

On the way to school I asked the little girl I watch if Santa came to her house during Christmas.
She said no. M gasps, “Santa didn’t come to your house. You must be on the naughty list. (Sigh) Tell me about it”

The boys were up at 5:30 AM, thanks 2 hour time difference (we were in Phoenix for vacation). The first thing they ran to was their costumes.
M wants to play Christmas while he is in his batman outfit and I am packing up all the Christmas stuff. I do as I’m instructed and close my eyes and pretend to sleep while batman santa leaves a gift by my leg. I open my eyes…”Wow, thanks for the gift!”
“Do you like it?”
“What is it?”
“It’s a boob machine”
“A what? Did you say boob machine?” (this game has gone in the wrong direction)
“Yeah mom a boob machine”
“What does it do?”
“It gives Kierran milk for you”
I’m lost for words and get up to fix lunch. Where is this childs mind?