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Thursday, March 29, 2012

Today I wrote a few pages of my new novel, edited a few pages more. Then, feeling strangely productive, I outlined the next chapter.

I won’t, of course, follow this outline, will end up misplacing it or dribbling it with food. Why, then, did I feel so smug as I wrote? I sat at the breakfast nook, a cat on my lap, and imagined someone viewing from above: “Look at her! She’s outlining her next chapter! She’s a real writer!”

The idea depressed me so much that now I want a cookie. I want this:

All I have in my cupboards are healthy foods. Healthy foods suck when you’re a writer who can’t finish her second novel.

(‘Why write a book?’ I imagine asking God.

‘Why not?’ he’d say with a shrug, and then he’d get back to watching The Food Network.)

My second novel is a mess. I’ve been switching from first- to third-person and agonizing: Which is the stronger voice? Which more accurately portrays my character? My theme? My intent?

Damned if I know.

So, yeah, I want a peanut butter cookie. I want that buttery, white-flour and white-sugar badness in my mouth. I want to smooth it down my throat. I want to bury my head in a plate of peanut butter cookies and eat face-down, like a pig.

Is that you, Wilbur??

I suppose if writing were easier, more people would do it. But really, is it supposed to be this hard?Today’s stats:

Writing: Stuck in Chapter Ten (I’ve been stuck in Chapter Ten for over a week. I’m getting tired of Chapter Ten)

Reading: White Oleander by Janet Fitch

Quote of the day: “Mom brought me some peanut butter cookies and a biography of Judy Garland. She told me she thought my problem was that I was too impatient, my fuse was too short, that I was only interested in instant gratification. I said, ‘Instant gratification takes too long.’”
Carrie Fisher, Postcards From the Edge

Publication date: Feb. 5

Pre-order now at Amazon

About

Cinthia Ritchie is an Alaska author and former journalist who loves to run, take naps, read in the bathtub and eat anything with peanut butter. Her first novel, Dolls Behaving Badly, will be released Feb. 5 from Grand Central Publishing/Hachette Book Group.