“We heard that he got the biggest offers among the best Architects here in the Philippines. Isa iyong sa Spain at may isang sa Singapore, tama ba?”
“Uh, yeah…”
“So, in an interview just a while ago, he said that he’s open to a long distance relationship with you once the project starts, are you ready for that?”

For years, I have read and heard about him in magazines and in common friends. He jumped from one woman to another. I wonder if he told them he loves them, too. At ilan sa kanila ang pinagnasaan niya ng ganoon, ilan ang marahan niyan hinalikan at inalagaan?

How stupid of me to think that I am the one for him. That all this time, it’s me? E, dinala lang naman ako ng hangin sa kanya, ah? Kung ‘di ako dinala ng hangin sa Costa Leona, I doubt if he’d ever look at me.

Why am I whining when it was my fault from the very beginning, anyway?

How many times do I have to feel undeserving for the people I love? Maybe I need to improve more? Gaya ng gusto ng mga magulang ko? Maybe if I act a little better and dress maturely, I’d feel equal with him?

“You were asked if you’re serious with me or am I just another girlfriend…”
Halos marinig ko ang frustration sa hininga niya.
“At… nga pala, may mga text sa cellphone mo. Vanessa texted… and a couple of unregistered numbers. Might want to check them out,” I said cooly.
“I don’t,” malamig at medyo may galit ang tono niya.
“Sorry… it’s okay. I understand how this is going to be-”
“What do you understand? What are you talking about?” I heard the panic in his voice.

“You’re going out of the country, too. Iiwan mo pala ako. It’s okay. I’m fine with long distance relationships. Though, it’ll be my first time. You see, I have less experience when it comes to relationships like this…”
“Fuck!” his soft but angry tone resounded.

“You promise me you’ll clear your schedule once I go abroad dahil dadalhin at dadalhin kita!”
Kinagat ko ang labi ko.
“I promised myself… kapag nahawakan ulit kita, hinding-hindi na kita pakakawalan. Nothing will ever make me lose you again. Even your own doing. Do you understand that?”
Huminga ako ng malalim. “Pero hindi ko mapigilan, Vince. You did not take your other women seriously. I am a realist. I know that-”
“It’s all a cover up because I’m lusting on the woman I couldn’t have. Even when I’m already successful. Even with my name now. I couldn’t pursue you because that’d make me a fucking pervert right?”

Shit!

“At sino sa ating dalawa ang dapat na magtampo, huh? You had a boyfriend! You fell in love with another man!”

Oh! Ngumuso ako at naisip si Zander. I’m not even sure I fell for him.

“It might not be love, though. You lust on me like all the other men I met. Sa paraan ng paghalik mo, alam ko na. You kiss me wildly all the time. I can imagine you kissing other girls tenderly while you’re always in a frenzy when it comes to me.”

Tumigil siya at binaba ang kamay muli sa aking tiyan. I pouted and tried to look at him. His breathing is a bit heavy.

“What else do you want to talk about? I want to hear all your thoughts.”
Umiling ako.
“Nahawakan lang kita, titigil ka na? Tell me more about it, Eurydyce!”
“Wala na…” I pouted again waiting for him to do that but his hand just rested on my stomach.
“Look at me, then…” utos niya.