30 November 2012

HEAT

melt me lala magma shedoesn't does wall know a wayto oh yay oh hi i readforget & beneath my braini mmm gooey too see tootsie tushy gush geysershe slices yrtell me a watch witch swingingoh there oh pretend it isn't now just not frozeni liquid between ocean &underseamountainssurprisingi am unlovable i am unmagicala dripping drizzy gloom doomblack in my mouth or in my air cansi am afraid of how it will be& mothsor i am planning to be the strangestdoo doo brainbird butt bubble arms & torsoconnection of that is orewe're making a swordhammer form some kinda bombthat you lust into beingout of a barroom of wolfish me'si am sweaty toosuni am crying bc i am woozybc i looked at the eclipse in 4th gradebc there is too much hot saucein my mouth

29 November 2012

SPOILER ALERT

you don't diei am flyingthe ground is small & tiniest thingingyou songsaw buzzing down treetrunks off or up into sky for sprydown the crag jaggedtooth chew chomp squasha gnat a tadpole a workshop in the arctici'm a real boy a toy a jokea broke tug lug shrugdon't know where i put itah hathe edge of the end of the crustwhere water is goingto be wateri cry at the endi never die until afterbefore the bombwill will us to speakthe mountains are movingthe flat earthwill soon be talli guess a god is enoughor i glass is sandeeeeeeeeeput it on your tonguewigglethere are nothings under the nothingquarters for teethor i am clawing at thin airwhat is itthe stuff we need

27 November 2012

PAIN KILLERS

i wish drugs lasted foreverif i wantif i am a want monsterwantstergive me numbbuzzy gums chew me & bubble me& turn me into a moo machinea gooey blue plush fuzzyi don't see words& yr mouth is movingaway for the holidayslets icei amforgetting to stay alivewhen it is crushor i am cube& the whole world on it's sidesays rub my tummyi gotta ache the worst kindmy chest is ouchi am a fragile mothor somethingi mean pills in my eyesfor days i am swallowinggrow something of my owni want to be proud of metoolike a father can be a fatheror you see it's justIDKlife is easy when you're on a rivergetting thinnerchasing dinnerw/ a fork & a knife & a bib& a waggy tonguethis droolfills pool w/ brain juicei loosethe battle w/ sky is fallingmy heart dropsdown between my hipsi shit ships take quick hits from breathingtake fire down in heavesi won't bleed another drippy sun dropuntil the cool or crispor whatever you call the windit's breazyi'm sleazy in love w/ my drunkor sober lugchug the clean wateroff my eyeballsride a barrel down my whineyfallsfuck em alli am scared/not scaredof what hurts& feelingsdwell on the past like it matterslike i won't be foreverthis weatherwhat we talk abt in the winterwhen you are so color& i'm in the cellarit's easy i keep sayingit's so damn dammiti am feelingplease make it stop

i am the last to know where i put youmind my trickery & mine is lumberingagainst storm wall of sea birds & foammouth i just am a yawn afraid to say ohmy brain is broke in also places like helloplease stand over here behind glass i see you're in my blindspot it goes onfor several thousand miles in most directionsslightly more north as the earth tilts to freeze blood in my skull i can feelnothing move through my forehead &into me & i go like i am throwing flowersor all i want is yarn or for christmas i wouldread you summer poems in the beer garden &reply to your face w/ i am afraid of howglad i am that we are alive at the same time

24 November 2012

MANHATTAN

lets play adultsput your hands in the gapswhere my limbs are stretched from the wholei am brokenagainor in new placesthe difference between aging & painor embarrassed for my fall aparti am a smokey forestshortly after the thunderstormthere is nowhere to hide from rainwhen the sky is clearbut i am still slow burnput me outi dare a godless spacefrom nothing to all this& back againon the mountain was safe as anythingbefore i told you what it meantto climb outside of methe wants of good fortuneyour hand under my ribmy shaky brain cant undo the daythe sun burns on w/o mestomped under timei am late for my perfect lifeshe moves at a distancethat i cannot see or taste or hearbut behind me are only shadowsreaching for my eyes & tongue & skini give them what i can sparebut i am running out of mei am a shadowwalking endlessly to another morningshe will be there i say & is notso i keep floating on this oceanlooking up at infinity

20 November 2012

JET GASme is goingto explode for the mondaysome beauty says she hatesi guess my hips getflippedor around is isa globea lot of we do timei am not a god or a human or apissantdo meflavor of manyi forget smell smell the way she sellsme at the beacha chronic in my locketto remind a way to wavesbaby babaysea bayladay i owe you a smoking above groundbelow i am safe under soilher soul inhaled correct nostrilif i sleepif the doctor says i need to blow upbut i forgot abt drei forgot that this is the end of an ideacramming regret into a voidbecause i guess my badyes he was the first stonedhe was the first justinthat was justicesaying some space mother fucker loves usor not menot my beautiful mad asscrammed into pants golden calfi juss wanna dance over your neckmake the sun dripsweaty god walking and talking to other walkersnobody is your fathernobody found the pearl in his bodypulling the clam cage awaybackdoor to the gridi would not erase myselfto avoid the games of this illusioni am drunk as helli did not have to use my akbut there is nothing else for me to tell youbc nobody can judge mei am a zoomi am a swooshi am thuggish and ruggishwalk metell melook at me standingsay if i see you againon the edge of nothingnothing

15 November 2012

GET A ROPE

GOD I AM A GOD MONSTER& WOUNDED FUZZY WUZZY & i am a godless& i am animal nowrunning around w/ my hands in the pocketsof Holy Russiaon her missionto milk color out of globeless eyesocketsi am lostfrom the neck downi am no demi-Buddhai am no worthless roachchill about your iceberg identitywe all iceis errthangerrbody in the Motherland getting tipsy-turvy i saw you swervew/ my life in yr hands i guessyr curvy words stabbing new planetsagainst the blackness of my infinityi am so angryabout deathi am a shucked gem saverbauble lockeri am one step slowerthan my younger selfi will backpedalinto a sucking sand lagooneverlasting poem-voidhow can i existas a fucking starif i can't write for youmy true wordsracket under the exoskellyof my chestbrainhas never even seen the sunor i am lacking tanned insidesi lost myselfsaying storms over & againthe day is foreveri am breathing& stopped thinking about oxygenso many mouths to fillblind of the color of gasses freezing in the skyof course i know what outter space is made ofmy best friend is a burning demi-godi choke down precious waterjust so i can piss it into the groundthat will cover mei growcherries again & overa life or what is ahead a whole new lifethe shedding of my one second agodead memory of something that was only happyin momentswhere did this come fromwhy are there baby Buddhas growing out of my earsmy grandma used to bathe mewhen i was very little& then she died of canceri remember seeing my dad cryat her funeralI AM A VICTIMgod how many passions do i haveto have in one lifetimelike i am so excitedto barely hear your voice down my spinewring the salty sweat from my marrow suncore a trillion times hotterthan the surface of my blushed coatthey say you are crazywhy are you say crazyis this my house w/ the pillowed wallsto protect my brain when i amSMDHdo not call me the past or the futurecall me Tigerrun your fingers through my beardi have been afraid of drowning for a long time nowi was born in the EIGHTIESbut i do not remember the EIGHTIESi was in an eggw/ so many small cracksi could see the rest of the worldin small sliverssilver strands of dying parents head warmthi could have gone tooso many timesi am a flame inside a greater flamebut only in sizefurnaceor the wordburn from my sungodshe dances over mei can hear the brown grass cracklefrom down deepin my midwest cavein my jobin my terrible limitations of mortal formlook at my hands dancefrom electro zapsin a cushy sponge of forget itsIDKwhat does GOMWYF stand forwhat does I LOVE YOU stand forwhat does NYC stand forwhat does SMOKE EM IF YOU GOTTEM stand forwhat does BARACK OBAMA stand forwhat does GAR stand fori am hardly making sensei am hiding on one or the other side of a mirrori am sorry i said i hate Mikeyi do not hate Mikeyi mean i am sorry i texted i hate Mikeyi do not hate Mikeynot even when he thinks he can beat Moss & I at FIFA foreveror i don't even remember the beerpong teamsif there were teamsi knowi can't keep going on & over about a single hidden Pearltucked away somewhere deep in the world wide webwhere is my wifeor why do i have oneor when did the world become a TV showi don't think anyone is watchingsuch a small fizzlecheap fireworknewborn infant galaxy bombtruth bombswhere i relax my throat & wipe the cold sweat off my handsjust hummingsome song i made upabout our whole lives in each moment of timei don't thinki will ever be able to explainunless i am doing itjust do itJUST DO IT& maybe everything ends& maybe the average human is infinitely beautiful& every second of our life is equal to a zillion dog liveslets talklets wake up before anything warms& me& me & me& i guess the world would be nicer stillif it was a blasted moonif i was a busted boy floating for alwaysin my own wastelandmy sooncorpse growing out of your gardenshy & pink slathered in the sweet soil of my returnno godi will want to burni will want to be dust on the unused furniturethe voiceless artifactsof lost time& money& everythingslowly cooking in the freezing artic waterswhat about thatwhat about your gorgeous planetwhat about the other gases in our airthat we never think are essentialmy beard w/ no fingers through itno runningstraight into oblivianlike 16 year old Paul Hanson Clarkjizzing in his pants because the world is his oysteror some other sexygodspray of shimmering nothingsthat we can only seewhen it is cold as hellshrinking our baller brainsinto unreadable names on rice i have never put my hands in wet cementbut i am pretty suremy hands have always been this smallwrapped around my fathers headwho is not yet deadcarrying me around like a giant childknowing that i will never die++++++++++++++++++++++++++

DRUNK DRIVER

it's about October & i quitsmoking or i haven't drankin a few daysi don't even drive drunk no moreexcept in my happy thoughtsof immortality smiles through a rough coat ugly was-a-boyi am sober & sittingor smoked marijuanathis morning while my showersteamed the roomi don't know whyi would tell youanything about mebut when i am naked like thisi feel no minutes & stop wonderingwhat my death will look like

++++++++++++++++++

SEABAY

what if you could drinkall the color chestnutme being honestwith with with witha hold me mei don't know what i amwasting my arm strengthon the rest of the worldsay follow mesay raspberrieshow well do you groundwaterknow meup and up the coast of chimney rocki am drunkand trying to talk to you about poetryyou are drunkand burning holes into my lidsi met you i guessor i felt the railroad crush my skullring my neckjuice my juicy spinename your town after mei only say thankyou in Germani can't unhinge my jawto swallow a large beastif that's what you're thinking

++++++++++++++++

GOLDING

rumble into groundwater icy is yr warm crystalshiptiny hand hold ing ing --- scurry in my furry heat upboily sea n sandy chestheavei don't think about you all day like i dowhen i weave/sleepyr dreamboatyr a poembot machining me to singi can make a wall to stand behindw/ the sound of my voicesea throu beehive honey myplace yr hands on my boy throatslide up under my beardwhat is nestingw/o youor what the birds say abt flyingit's niceplz beak me peck away at the barklong feather dangling in hairthe smell of sunall over mynude talking about yr stunningthe guns on yousnipe roost in the gravy cityi standing foresti can smell the skin burnthe slow toast smoke comingbeams i breatheand explodeas you want me to

++++++++++++

MARS

you walk like a thousand bucksclacking their horns together and tripover the Rockies like my voice sendsmagnetic wavessurf a poem with your bare assi have become fatter since you leftis my body worth morecan i grow my head hair down to dirtbefore the sun loves my scalp too muchquit kissing me in the TREE POEMSyou don't know where my cheeks have beenmy money walking wiggleass in these jeansi know you know your eyes will neverbuild a pyramid out of methe Nile is my spillingdon't even say it's a rivereveryone knowseveryone can google itor when i am going to diewhat do the stars think about me todaydoes this complete stranger know/love meeight-ball is wrongor what have i been smokingeyes cloudblood cloudlungs clouddoes flying make me as sick as fallingi just can't be here right nowmy sticks in the mud are dried stucki mean you strutt like a billion buckspeople get excited when royalty falls in lovepeople get excited when there is a stampedeyou yell STAMPEDEand everyone stampedeswith buldged eyestongues dryget the fuck out! get the fuck out!the sky is not bluewater is not blueonly my eyeswhen my eyes are cleanlick thempluck the fly out of my lidbreathe on the glass and rub your shirt in my facelook at this shiny toypull the string out of my backhear me

++++++++++++++

STILL

a friend just texted me asking if i knew anyonewho wanted to buy weed

i am somethingplease something me

i have never met you and i talked to youand then i felt bad when i couldn't talk to you

what i want what i want what i wanta slice???????

an unmoved moment where somebody saysare you in love

with someonethe moon

sinking under the current of the Platte R.sinking in the sand of the dead river

we haven't had an inch of rainall the grass is dead

when was the last time you thought winter is okbecause i don't see through a vortex

because my skin is untouched i am lost to the idea of finding anyone

used to think about driving into treesi have never crashed on purpose

i am afraid of brusiesi am afraid of my blood spilling

my face slid across the sidewalkone time i dont think i mentioned

your neck wrapped around my neckmy mouth up against your ear

i am telling the story of my empty homethe lost dog or the dead dog or

i miss my dog and i miss my familybefore everything blew up

before i got this job in an officebefore i grew so tired

i don't drink every dayand i don't want to be pulled down

into the waterwith water all around me

i can't swim i am telling youbut my voice sounds like

bubbles+++++++++++++++

LISTENING TO THE CURE RIGHT NOW

joke about my own deathmentioning how many times i refresh thedeathclock.comin layman's poems i am gross i am a smokestacki am going to crumple in on myselfishmy worst worstswrist wrenching my hands just throw upall over a keyboardi can type i dunno how many words per minutelike i got through the educational systemunscarredi took a lot of physical education classesgrowing upbut who the hell knowswhat i put in my bodygall knows gosh knowsbut i have chest pains when i don't see herheard about web MDthey said there is no curebut i am listeningto the curerightnow

++++

AND FIFES ON AMBIEN AND HE SAYS YOUR A HACK ALSOpush your foot away from your bodyangle the ankles under smoke

i am wofting, i am an avalanche of dead birdsall fluffy and flopping through the air

work your thumbs into the tense partof your own neck so the muscles ooze

purchase trees the size of treesand walk around in your magical money forest

you can't just say to the suni own you sun, you are mine

because the sun doesn't give a damnabout your money

+++++++++++++++++

WHEN I DRINK WATER

wrote a poem about my throatthings i am stuffing

the filter works eating cookies after cookies after cookies

i am a monsteri think when i don't love someone

filling their glasseswith eyeballs

who washed all these damn windowsi say, twirling around in my mini mansion

lets all dig a hole to hellsing well well well well

i've got kidneys to do the work i refuse to do

i've gotdeath to get away from you

more like i wrote a poem about greasing itso i can push large objects with ease

but i haven't even startedto talk

sweet sand blastingcrumbly desert

i had to wrap a towel around the sink faucetto make the water taste ok

well, well, well, welli have never drowned before

but i'd like to try itwith an infinitely large glass of ice water

o! throato' o' o' o!

hover between my ass holeand the things i say

forgive me for all the pineconesi am about to swallow

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HAIRit's a time thingit's aforgive

my energy or myuneaselooks ugly in a photographlooks like i am leaping out of me

there are ghosts with nocolorthey saythey are blind i guess

like a t.v. or some diseasein my eyesfrom sitting too close to the oceanthinking i can hear something so big

+++++++++++++++++

GET Y'R GUNi want to be in love more than anythingi want to be in spaceshipsi want my bones to slow ginI WAS A JUMP AWAYfor awhilemy atrophy from flyingonlymy arms are folded paper birdsi am buyingyou an entire nebulapouringwhisky into small glassesto look throughshaped out of my chesti am thinkingso step on my yardtip toe the eggshellsso stand thereso break nothing but my ribswith my chest brain pulsingi can beat the walls i buildi can axe the forest i hide my face innest opencan i hear my own skull drum dropmy voice ricochetshelp mei am not seeing anythingmy vision is going foggy i have loose pills in my tummymy god diedone time stopped on my self lyingit is a canceror etched small names into my rice grainteeth made of sugarand cocainei am sniffing the glue in seamsbreaking away from torsowaving red capeat this charging blind angerjust fear of the changingthe death of my armymy back up planto my back up plan wasto shoot myself out of a cannon

+++++++++++++++++

just so you knowi am a boring universei am the wind, wind, & the wind blowingi am inside of myselfi am afraid of everyonei am in love with stormingi walk away from paini am the epitome of dollfacei am the river recedingi am the dirt thirstingi am the pit of my own pitnessi am watching fireworksi love driving carsi am the grass, grass, & the grass growingi am afraid of the no youi speak to my hearts healthi am the river floodingi am the absorbing dirti keep quiet in poemsi am going to diei am the no paini will tell you how your glowmakes my chest become a million thingsthat will never exist

++++++++++++++++++++

beans and motherfuckerstell the story of how i neverpeed the bedand the purple lightbulb

14 November 2012

DOWSE

where is the hawk nowshe floatsshe ran off to the farmw/ pockets full of goldthey are allSwedish ladies i guessstreet dancing country rubiesi dream smooth smokesaw Rosie swanning at the water holeyou don't knowwhere all my gals put their neckread my future offanother dusty poemi am following the riveri am cutting down junglelost in Columbiabecause the sun is not on earthbecause earth is not in my spiti am not going tobelieve myself when she comesback but she faiths me smiles can bust the stone off megravel my silly hillsyou don't cliff wellor i am wasting all my jumpthe desire to hangi am aroundsatellite for the youth you stoleplease sunday mewalk over my rugfeel the rope in your handsi doubt i am worth my own weight in airbut she is here or her hair smellslike a warningi am dirt because she says soi am sorry i didn't mean to sad thisok i can work on another fractureit is easy to find themall huddled together under the lightsthis new storm ragesi won't take coverbecause i don't give a fuck

sky like bison
as never ending point
on worlds fat lipnot so much
my mind touched gold& blue & vast
constant
flux of wind to
no wind
am i always this cold when melting
both can be chopped
to borderline extinctioni drive faster

the further things grow
apartbetween potter/dix back country
middle of panhandled nothing
& rain walls miles away
never seeming to fill up
your father's father's wellwho can staywhen there is no break& the howling is mistaken
for hungry coyotes nipping at your feetbc there are no more bison
to kill

09 November 2012

FAT

i blewout mytrouserstodayi am swollencan feel the more of me liftingbreast meatbest cutvest tuck of furi have 9 lbs of hair on my headthe more you search inside meyou findtarpitsdinosaur sticksi am making myself nakedfor your eyesglobethe water i pour out onto the groundsidewalks & what pac s'dhe never but this is mesearchinga wastethin as papersomething i poem onthe filler makes my brittle pipesbut i can bounce highoff the concretei can grow toow/ worthless dropsfalling from my forestyou are not drunki feelflightshe burns the sugar in my bloodfor meonce everthere are no words on my bodybut it says everything on mefilling out my work attiredoubling over in human suitmy biggest size is my father's sizehe too is almost expiredas if i know anythingabout timewhat i spentlooking at your arm next to meit is sillyto just sleepforeverwhen i last saw yousee my toes when i standmy boozy blindnessmy hazy forget allwhen i am shapingi am a cubethat is new & won't fit& neatmade of cow or corn or potato patchi am a candy factoryi am swallowing sweet cream is airis my hair hiding enough of mecan you see where i am at all the timesurrounded by glassi smokei quit smokingi smokei quit smokingi say over and over as years rollmy pockets full of lost dollar billsyour face moving towards mei saw sunriseagainor my words from whenever i last wrote a poem for youbut my first fat poemmy first poem abt this thing that i didn't think abtwhat it costshow short my life will be going forwardit is just a daybefore i see youit is just like any other daywhere there is wind or water or grass or nothingdry throat trying to take down drugsbc i am somebodylooking for something& see the oceanwhen i am floatingor surfingi just lovewaterin & around & through melike blood i guess i am sayingor just trying to remember every single second that i did not forgetin cloudin lies that are also truebecause i existno matter my diameterthe moon still circles methe ants still worship my thundering stompsi am destroyeri am a sack of lucky beansput them in the dirt& leavei absorb vitamins from vitaminsi am surprised i have not grown hornsjust plump buffalo w no hornsthudding through the rice lakeshighlands of western Nebraskai used to Churchi used to be a shadowi used to eat dead animals before they diedor i was a vicious monsteri am a tiger made of tree bitsi am sorry i cannot go to your party in New York Cityi am sorry i can dig lakesi am quoting fake humansi am singing abt firebubbling ocean of my skinny cagei am meat i shoutat nobodyi am trying to pretendmy less than green is enoughwho am ifoola swimmer man o man o man oyou really gotta clean bite out of my necki hope it is safechew mei am an evolving animala pet to the universea pigsnort in the mudthis is what i look likea poemliving happily in its own shit

08 November 2012

THE ONEfollow meapoctime is always against usyou did all thismmhmmmy output whati never buckle up i don't feel safe strapped to a ton of steeldid youtake the right pillsam i dreamingis this really nothingbc kansas is going bye byesrsly it is so coldi am mirrors & mirrors & mirrorsof some life on a razormy bald gooey bodywhy didn't they tell me this shit was going to happeni am weak from living off goo plugged in all dayworking my ass offmy beautiful assthe kind they write abt in songs