About Me

Friday, February 27, 2009

So, I've finally encountered it. I always say I have had no one close to me every be in any real mortal danger. Last year my grandfather was diagnosed with breast cancer, and he had a lumpectomy, and the cancer was supposedly gone. in January, they found another lump in his chest, and this morning he had a double lumpectomy. It's crazy because I was really afraid.

It's crazy...the department he's in is called "same day surgery." Wtf? The told my grandfather before he went in today that he would most likely be able to go home today. Uh...nigga....no. You cut his CHEST OPEN!! Same day surgery...sounds like fast food to me. Reminds me of that car fixing commercial. "IN...UP...FIX...OUT!!"

Thankfully, he's out of surgery, and doing ok, however it really put some things in perspective for me. I've got some praying to do.

On a lighter note, for the first time in a long time, it feels so good to be around my family. Jeri is driving up too, so she'll get to meet about half of my aunts and uncles. She's nervous, but I'm actually excited.

We came to the conclusion that she's no longer going to move down in June, which depressed me a great deal. In terms of money, and with this jacked up economy, it's probably the smart thing to do....but whatever...that ain't what I want lol. A whole 'nother year. It sucks to be frank. But I think we're strong enough to make it work. I love her so...and I just want her closer.

I'm so ready to be done with school. Only one more year hopefully, and by the grace of God I'll have my degree. I am so ready to get back in the work force. Get to making money...having my own...building. I'm just excited to see what God has in store for me and my future. We'll see....

Sunday, February 22, 2009

-the obligation or responsibility imposed on a person in whom confidence or authority is placed: a position of trust.

-the condition of one to whom something has been entrusted.

Trust...it's such a fickle thing...

I always tell people that I look at it in two different ways, and I compare them to getting grades from teachers. You have those teachers that will tell you at the beginning of the semester you have an A, and it's your job to keep it. Then, you have those instructors that will tell you that you have to do this, that, and the other in order to earn an A.

...I would be the former...

Nonetheless...I wonder what people really think about the word trust sometimes. I'm curious to know whether people really know what they are saying when making the statement, "I trust you." Trust is such a deep notion, and means so much and too many people, I think, take the true meaning of the word for granted.

Frank Crane once said, "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough." Personally? I'd rather be deceived. I know it's a weird notion for some of y'all out there, but 'tis is true of me. I can't even begin to imagine living my life being suspicious of everyone around me. I'm not saying I trust eeveryone I encounter wholeheartedly, but I'm not suspicious either.

Now I'm not by any means saying that changing your views on trust, or even that trusting someone is easy, so don't go ranting off at me about any of that. I'm simply asking some of y'all to think about some things.

If you're in a relationship, and you tell your s/o that you trust them, think about exactly you are saying. I'm sure all of us have had times where someone's told you they trust you, but their actions showed otherwise. I think so often we say we trust our mate, then question their actions because deep down we don't trust them!

In regards to your friends...think about the message you are sending when saying "I trust you." Some of us trust our best friends about as far as we can throw them...yet will tell them in a quick second, "You know you my dog...I trust you cuz!!"

Look...I understand that trust isn't easy. But why live your life scared that someone is always being dishonest with you?? It only holds you back, and gives people control over you. Eff that!!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Open my eyes......beholding the curves of your supple skinoverjoyed that...for the first time...I'm waking up in happiness...next to happinessWrap my hands around your hipsslide them along the dip......in your backSkin soft like......fresh picked cotton in slaves' bagsSee...you are my sunrise and sunsetSomething beautiful to behold when I wakeA lovely sight to see before...slipping off to dreams of youRising in the morning to see my dreams come trueInhaling your essence...marveling at your presenceEnjoying it nonethelessSee......awaking next to you is God's blessinga wingless angel to live for...give toa true definitionof...unabashed love

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

I'm like...totally astounded.So sunday after service, my mother wanted to stick around and find one of her friends from Agape, saying that she had been on her heart. Upon finding her they began to chat, me and Vernon just kind of sitting around waiting for her. Finally the woman's husband came up to me saying he was wanting to talk to me, and had been wanting to ask my opinion on something.

We talked for a while about black issues in America, and in the middle of the conversation, he mentioned that I had a lot to say, and I should write a book. He said that being a good writer was God's blessing to me, and it was meant to be shared with the world. This caught me so off guard, because I hadn't really considered writing a book before, but now I am actually really considering it. I'm thinking that it would consist of my ideas about what's wrong with Black America, and what we can do as a people to improve upon it.

Now I've had people suggest that I do things before, but there was something about this time that really struck me. It made me feel like I am really supposed to do this, like God wants me to. It felt like God wanted that whole conversation to happen, just so he could tell me to share my thoughts with the world, and I'm listening to him.

I'm not really sure what EXACTLY I want to say in my book...but I think I'm going to do it. What y'all think?

Sunday, February 8, 2009

...I'm realizing every day just how wonderful of a woman I have. She's wrote some really very powerful blogs on her blogsite, http://expressionssoffreedom.blogspot.com/ , the last couple days. She has been through so much in her life, way more than I know most women could probably deal with...yet she is here and she is strong. Sometimes I feel like I am not understanding her right...or we are crossing signals. We aren't by any means perfect...but I do think that we are perfect for each other. She excites me...she's wonderful in every way...and I wouldn't change a thing about us. Well...maybe I'd change the fact that she's six hours away because that sucks major donkey nuts...but as far as our relationship...our history...I don't think I would change anything. I really do think she is one of the most remarkable women I've ever met...and she is God's blessing for me. She asked me the other day if I felt like God made one person for you in this world to be with...and I'm rethinking some of my answer. I honestly feel like Jeri was made perfect for me...and I'm so excited!!

So next weekend I get to show her her first Valentine's Day...and I really hope she enjoys herself. I know I'm a student on limited funds...but I think I did good. ;) I'll let y'all know...