This is the most favourite song of Dr Surendar, the psychiatrist cum healer. Though he was fully qualified, he wished to serve his native people and so started his practice in his rural centre. He was quite popular as a psychic healer who used various methods including worshipping God Hanuman to cure his patients for a small fee. Even then the response from villagers was only lukewarm.

Being a bachelor, he used to spend his spare time listening to music in his cabin. That day also he was listening to this song mildly played in his DVD and was waiting for the patient who had fixed an appointment.

His nurse interfered to inform the arrival of a thirty year old person.

Doctor switched off the DVD and asked, “Yes sir, what is the matter?”

The visitor appeared hesitant to talk, then he asked in whispering voice, “Sir, Dr Surendar?”

“Yes, it’s me” Dr replied.

“Sir, are you an exorcist?”

“No sir, I am recognised as a healer, healer of psychological disorders”

The visitor was looking around in panic. “But I heard that you are an exorcist too”, he added.

Doctor told him, “Don’t worry about who I am. You can proceed”

“Sir, please switch off the CCTV cameras”

“Okay” He switched off the CCTV and then switched on the tape recorder attached to the DVD. He thought that the visitor did not notice it.

“Sir, don’t do it, please switch of the tape recorder also”

“Oh, yes” the doctor immediately obeyed.

“Sir, is the room sound proof?” he further asked.

“Yes, please proceed”.

After getting the psychiatrist’s approval, he started narrating his problem.

“Sir, my name is Gopal.

I was born in an aristocratic family. My father was General Manager of a Government owned bank. My mother was dean in a reputed University. I was their only son. They never paid any attention to me. That is why I was a totally spoilt child.

“I don’t know from which age I started doing this. I was interested in sex from my childhood onwards. I took pleasure in watching the secret parts of girls, touching them without their knowledge, sometimes kissing them too”

“At which age, it started?” doctor asked.

“I can tell that it might be from the age of nine”

“That is not an advanced age, neither childhood too”

“Yes sir. I was unable to realise what was happening to me inside. I used to stare at them with anxious eyes”

“It is alright. There is nothing much abnormal in it”

“No Sir, there is something abnormal”

“What is that?”

“The women I stared included my mother also”

“What?” the doctor was visibly shocked.

“My mother, while taking bath used to call me and request me to help her in getting the towel, soap box etc. After rendering the help, I would not come out. I would keep on watching her. She never took it seriously. While I was watching, she used to come out of the bath tub and change dress

One night a very serious thing happened. We three used to sleep in the same bed room”

“Is it, you didn’t have separate bed room?”

“We had two bed rooms. But in our part of the country, children used to sleep in the same room with parents after completing my studies in the other room. Normally I slip into deep sleep within five minutes after lying down in the bed.

That day, I woke up at 12.30 and I was shocked by the scene I watched.

Their cot was separated from mine by a few yards. The event was clearly visible to me. I was surprised to see them having sex. It lasted for nearly 20 minutes. Then they went to bath room, washed themselves and started sleeping.

But I did not get sleep. Whole night I was sleepless thinking of the event which happened.

From next day onwards, I was anxiously waiting for having sex with some girl. Being born in an aristocrat family it was not a problem for me. I tasted several girls, married, unmarried, widows and all.”

“What you say is not an abnormal thing, it is quite common among modern youth”, doctor interfered.

“Sir, please allow me to complete. I have not told you the main problem.

It went on for nearly ten or twelve years.

At this modern computer age, Internet was useful to me. From the turn of this century. I chose several accounts and became friend only with unmarried girls. I spent lot of money for this purpose.”

“What happened to your parents?”

Both died in a car accident while going to Mumbai to attend a wedding. I inherited huge wealth. Afterwards I spent money in a mindless manner only for sex

“It was only during that period, I came across ‘her’ mail id through face book. I sent her a friend request. I got a positive response within an hour. Then usual things like exchange of greetings, photos followed. I came to know that she was living in Bangalore. I got her address and went there. I located her in a temple.

I intercepted her and asked,’hey, you don’t recognise me?’

She was confused and told, ‘Sorry, who are you?’

“What is this Shyamala? I am your friend Gopal”

Then I narrated my Facebook postings to her and she recognised me.

She was from a middle class family and with abundant beauty. I came to know that she was a very innocent girl and had chats with me out of curiosity. That increased my craving for her. When I expressed my intention she was taken aback. I met her several times and she became panicky.

On that fateful day, I met her in the local railway station. She was waiting to board a local train to reach her office. It was wee hours of the morning, the darkness had not fully left and there was lukewarm crowd. Especially we were standing in a corner where it was pretty dark.

I insisted on her to come to a five star hotel that night. She informed me that she was to get married next week and wanted me to leave her. When I approached her she was about to scream. On seeing that a train was fast approaching I pushed her down on the rails. The moving train was entering the platform and crushed her body beyond recognition. I simply posed as a passenger and got into the same train.”

The doctor was shocked. “So, you committed a murder also. What did the police do?”

“There was no witness for my pushing her because it was wee hours and there was no CCTV camera. They concluded it as suicide. ‘The college girl, unwilling of proposed marriage committed suicide’-this was how they closed the case and was the newspaper headlines also.”

“Now, what do you want me to do?” doctor asked.

“Doctor, I am sure that I am obsessed by the evil spirit”

“Evil spirit of Syamala only. When I lie down for sleep, her face is zoomed just before my eyes. Her laugh is audible only for me. While in sleep somebody knives me and I wake up in terror. That spirit always follows me. While taking bath, walking, even when I was seeing files the devilish face comes before me and I am horrified.

“Doctor, you won’t believe, one day I was counting currency in a bank. Suddenly she appeared on the surface of currency with a devilish laugh. I threw all the currency note and they were spread all over the bank floor. I am unable to look at the food which I eat, because I see her face and thousands of worms in it.”

“For how long does this happen?”

“Two years Sir, I have not taken proper food and have not slept for the past two years. Finally one my close friend informed me that you are a Hanuman worshipper and you exorcise the evil spirits by praying Him. He also advised me that I should confess everything to you and accordingly I have told you everything without hiding anything. Kindly cure me Sir. I shall pay whatever amount you demand.”

Doctor was in deep thought for a few minutes. Then he came to a decision. He asked Gopal,

Doctor was in a saffron uniform. Holy kumkum was spread all over his body, forehead to feet. He was having a long knife which is used to sacrifice animals. His body was shivering in high tension.

“You bloody fellow, you want me to cure you. You are an animal. You did not know the difference between a Mother and a maiden. You have spoilt dozens of girls. You have killed a young lady who was having dreams of early marriage. You are unfit to live. That is why Lord Hanuman brought you here. You bloody fellow, die and go to hell”

So saying, he cut his neck from front forcefully. The force was so great that the head fell on the floor.

He placed the knife in the folded hands of Gopal.

Then he opened his private drawer.

He took the photograph of a beautiful girl lying there.

“Oh Shyamala, I was thinking that you committed suicide. I was also thinking that you did not like me. Only today, I have come to know that this bloody fellow murdered my fiancee. And I have avenged your murder, Oh my dear Shyamala!”

“Man can become God anytime” was the song he was listening to. Nay.

Sometimes even the good man becomes a Devil because of the evil influence of a bad person.

He sobbed for a while and went out to declare the ‘suicide’ of an obsessed maniac.

I was surfing a friend’s Facebook page when I came upon an article titled, “How To Never Let Fear Hold You Back Again.” Even though I had found similar titles while scrolling Google, I decided to see if the writer had anything fresh and new to share.

I read the article. It was good if on a scale from 1 to 10, your fear was around a 5. But if it was a 10, with 10 being overwhelmingly paralyzing, the article fell short.

Because of this, I endeavored to dig a little deeper. I started with the word FEAR. I almost went straight to Google to find some nifty acronym that I could play with, but what came out of me was more spot on. It was Focus. Energy. At. Reward.

You see, I had read the book, Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway (the 2002 version) by Susan Jeffers years ago. And while it gave me the chutzpah to go against the grain of my Adult Child of An Alcoholic programming, it didn’t address what confronted me later. The Chesapeake Bay Bridge in Virginia.

Now for you who have never had the pleasure of driving across this bridge, let me describe my encounter. I was happily driving along, with my mom in the front seat and my teenage son in the back. We were traveling to Virginia to spend Christmas Day with my nephew and his wife. We were laughing and talking as we flowed with traffic up the incline of the bridge. And then, with no warning, there was a sharp drop, so sharp that it looked like we were in a nosedive. It looked as if we were going to fall right into the ominous water below. I was terrified!

I’m happy to report that I made it without having a heart attack, soiling my clothes or having a full blown panic attack. Just the same, the thought of having to drive back across that bridge to get home was torment. So, even though the article had some great ideas for overcoming fear, i.e., feel the fear and do it anyway and change your personal philosophy on failure, two points the author makes in his article, when confronted with the Chesapeake Bay Bridges of life, of relationships and of business, you need a tad bit more to chew on.

That’s when I reached into my experience and pulled out this key. If the reward in front of you is not compelling enough to override the fear, you can’t move forward. One has to find that thing, that overriding thing, that has enough torque to propel you, enough magnetism to draw you and enough glue to hold you.