A Romanian girl in London

Players Versus Jerks

There are many kinds of men in this world. Some are good, some are very good and some are great. But they are not my point on this blog, as I am not here to write about the lives of saints. We had Jesus’ dudes to do that. I am not them. What I want to talk about, is players and jerks. You might say they are same shit but, no, they are very different shit.

In my short life I have come across many players, due to going out too much, being friendly and drinking beer and cocktails and wine, things that make me even friendlier. I don’t dislike players because, unlike jerks, they are honest. When somebody is honest with you, they give you a choice. If you make a mistake, it is your fault. If they are not honest, they manipulate you, so the mistake is not entirely yours. Yet, you are to blame, for letting yourself manipulated.

But let’s get back to players. Players usually make you compliments and buy you drinks or dinner or both or even more, depending on how much money they are willing to spend on you, having as a unique purpose to get you to bed. A player will not tell you how much he wishes to settle down and have kids, he will not talk about past relationships, mainly because he probably doesn’t remember their names, he will always answer the phone in front of you even if there is another girl calling, because he doesn’t care to be nice. If you have half a brain, you will know he only wants some bed action and nothing more. The player will not get mad if you make fun of him or even if you refuse him. He will just move on, there is plenty of fish. He will move on even if you say yes. Like I said, there is plenty of fish. So, a player gives you a choice. Yes or no. Either way, no hard feelings. A player will probably get a fuck by the end of the night, anyway, and it it doesn’t have to be you. He is not picky.

But jerks, oh boy, this is an entirely different story. How can you recognize a jerk? Well, this is very difficult, especially with the ones that like to play the good guys. So, a good girl will just assume he is a good guy. After all, when meeting a nice guy, why assuming he is bad? We are not that paranoid! If the girl can get some inside information from random friends, that would be helpful. If not, all she can do is pay attention to everything he does, especially to the very small details.

I think the most important sign you are dating a possible jerk, is the constant lying. If the guy tells lies to everybody and the lies are not even necessary, this should ring a bell. For example, if his mother calls asking why is he late for lunch and he says he is on his way to the subway station but he is not even dressed, there is your potential jerk. You don’t believe me? Well…ask him why did he lie to her. If he says he didn’t want to get her mad don’t go: awwww, he is so sweet, protecting his mother’s feelings. Because he isn’t. He is protecting himself from her getting mad, which means he cannot take the consequences of his actions. If you don’t see a big deal in this, go even further with imagination, following the same pattern. Let’s say he promised you he will be home by 6. You are waiting for him with dinner on the table but he stayed out with his friends for too long, so he is running very late. Of course, you get mad: he promised he will be home by a certain hour he decided by himself, you made an effort to have dinner ready by the time he decided he will be home, he had fun with his friends so he didn’t hurry home, yet he didn’t bother to let you know he will be late. Why? Because he knows you will get mad. The solution a jerk will find? At least one lie, more likely, several lies. He is telling lies because he knows he did wrong and he wants to spare himself from the potential fight. The thing with telling lies all the time, is that at one point, you will not know when or if he is ever telling the truth and you will end up questioning everything he says or does. If, by any chance, he comes and tells you the truth: I stayed for beer with the guys, even though I knew you cooked dinner and I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to yell at me, of course you will still get mad. A jerk will reply to that: See? If I lie is bad, if I tell the truth is also bad. It will never cross his mind that doing the right thing is also an option. That, ladies, is one jerk.

A potential jerk will talk about his past relationships but not in a nice way. Usually, all his girlfriends left him, broke his heart although he wanted to marry them and make them children. To all of them. He may even cry when telling you this. You might feel tempted to say either he met only bitches or he had bad luck or simply feel sorry for him and feel like the supreme woman because you will finally end up his terrible quest for true love.

Ladies, think again. In my opinion, there are only two options here: either he always goes for the wrong women which makes him nothing but an idiot. How many times you need to set yourself on fire in order to realise that fire actually burns? You can get fooled once, twice even three times but not one after another and not always and forever. Otherwise, I repeat, you are an idiot. For the second option, imagine yourselves: nice, decent women dating a nice, decent man. Why would you treat him bad, after it took you so long to finally find him? You can’t find a reason? Really? Well, you can’t because there isn’t. Unless you are crazy or stupid or both you don’t treat like shit a good guy. If you are all these, then he goes for the wrong type of women which proves my point as stated above. A good woman will treat a man bad if he treats her bad also. See the telling of lies I talked about earlier. Because, yes my ladies, jerks only tell how much they suffered because of women but they never tell what they did to those women to turn them into pure evil. They are always the victims.

Jerks speak a lot and do almost nothing. They are very good with words. They can tell you beautiful things and make great promises. If nothing they say becomes reality, don’t be surprised. They lie, so that you shut up. Of course, you wait for him to do what he promised and when you finally realise he didn’t mean a thing and you get mad, he will start again with the sorry words, the love words and the big promises. The result will be the same. How many times will this happen, you may wonder? Well, only as many times as you let it happen. You are the only one that can end it, by breaking up with him. He will never change.

Other things jerks might do: checking out other women when they are with you, even talking to their friends about them in front of you or behind your back. Men are checking out women and women are checking out men. We all know that and there is no problem, as long as it is discreet and not followed by a conversation about it. Otherwise it is just rude and disrespectful. That is why only jerks do that.

If a guy turns off his phone or puts it on a silent mode, deep down his pockets when he is with you, don’t jump for joy and feel important and special and loved because you are not. He just has something to hide. And next time you call him and he doesn’t answer or his phone is switched off, guess what? Yeah, that. And yes, he is a jerk.

Why are some guys jerks? I don’t know exactly. Maybe because they are selfish and they cannot see beyond themselves. They claim they need to do what they want, even if what they do hurt you. If you don’t understand this and you don’t suffer in silence so that they can be happy, you are mean and crazy and demanding. Well, my dear jerks, here is some breaking news for you: a relationship involves two persons. It is not about you only, anymore. It is about both of you. Relationship means understanding, compromising, respecting. If you can’t deal with it, stay single or become a player. We like better bachelors and players. At least we know where we are standing with them.

In conclusion, I suggest to keep the players for playing, if you feel like it, stay away from jerks by all means and keep looking for the good ones. Don’t give up. They are out there.

OMG! everything you described at the jerk category seems like one of the guys I dated on and off, for almost 5 years. I didn’t suffer because I always caught him not telling the truth, and I was aware about all the other girls, too. We were officially a couple only in the first 6 months we met. We broke up. Got together 3 years later in a “no strings attached” way. AlI I asked him was to tell me when he was engaging seriously with another girl so that we could end the thing we had. Of course, he never did that one thing I asked him. :))
He kept him mobile phone in a silent mode, he answered another girls in front of me, he once checked one of the girls I was friends with and introduced him to her. She didn’t respond to his approach, and then he came to me telling me what he did. I was cool about it because I needed a rebound back then!
Nevertheless, he was a very cool guy as a person. Intelligent, funny, caring, had plenty of friends, did lots of interesting stuff, travelled a lot, spoke many languages, but whenever things got serious with one girl, or another, he ran or changed girls in a row.
As a matter of fact, he was afraid of getting dumped but he managed to keep in touch with all the girls he dated. He gave them hopes.
p.s. Speaking of which, i.e. hopes, I do hope he doesn’t see this comment because he likes the way you write, too. :))
But, to my comfort, I only told him about your blog in Romanian, so he’s following you there.
However, if he does see this> Dude, you’re the coolest!!! 😉 Keep up the good reading on Lavinia’s Writing Corner! :))