a personal blog

Monthly archives of “February 2016”

Last Friday while on the elliptical at a respectable speed, I noticed a group of women (barely) running a lap around the gym. One of them was my coworker, I teased her as she passed by. Once at work, I told her I had always been curious about spin class but because I have common sense, I never tried it. She invited me to the next class, I accepted and even brought a friend (hey Jaynae).

Once in spin class, I was instructed to get a mat, weights (3, 5 and 8) and a towel. I never use a towel when working out, prissy workouts don’t require one. What I later learned is that this was no ordinary spin class, it would be a total body workout.

We started with 3 laps around the gym. Once back in the room, my friend turned to me and asked me something about the class. I told her it was my first time there. At that moment, I saw the trust she had in me leave her eyes.

We did squats, ran a lap, shadow boxed, ran a lap, crunches than ran ANOTHER lap. We held weights during each workout. With my respiratory issues, I was surprised I was able to run so many laps but it was likely because I wanted to out perform all the middle-aged women. I was dripping in sweat *whispers* even in my crotch…

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After 30 minutes of that crap, we got on the bikes. The bikes were complex: There were 3 handle bars, a break lever, resistance knob (I think that’s what it’s called) and the seat which felt like broken bricks. Also, I had to adjust the seat to my height (vertically and horizontally).

We had to stand and peddle, bounce and peddle, sway left and right and peddle. She yelled ONE, TWO, ONE, THREE referring to which handle bars to use. She also said something about adding resistance but at that point, I started to get lost in my thoughts. My whole life flashed before my eyes. I thought about the things I should’ve done, people I should’ve called and most importantly, the dumb decisions I’ve made. This class being one of them. Almost falling off the bike brought me back to the present.

After class, the instructors asked if I enjoyed and I replied “no.” Seriously, why would I enjoy something like this? She told me “the whole body workout would kick my metabolism into over drive.” Was she trying to convince me to return? We took a group selfie and out the door we went. In my car, I sat for a few moments trying to process what I had just been through. Once home, Husband gave me a big hug. I had such a hard day.

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As I type this with a raw butt (see “seat feels like broken bricks” reference above), I’m actually contemplating returning to the class. It’s only 3 times a week and gives great balance to my boring elliptical routine. But you guys know I can be a flake…

Update: I just completed my second class. The instructor even referenced me on the proper way to do one of the workouts. In a week or so, I’ll be the best student in class. Move over Brittany, I am coming for your throne. I know her name because people kept referencing how awesome she was -_-

This past Friday, Husband and I participated in a “marriage connection” event hosted by the church. In my head, I had known about this event for a week or so. They very well could have made several announcements and Husband could’ve talked to me about it; however, we were scheduled to see the Dance of the Lion King (hosted by a local community college) so…I didn’t give it any thought. In the event you didn’t know, I am now a refined and cultured individual who attends local theatre productions as one of many pastimes.

In contrast to my plans, Husband suggested a compromise: He would forgo ANOTHER church event on Thursday so we could attend the OTHER church event on Friday. Did you read my tone in that capitalized, bold text? Any who, one could only imagine my excitement. Do it now. Imagine my excitement because I was in fact, not excited.

Upon arrival, I noticed one too many cars. “There are a lot of cars here which means a lot of people.” *Husband responds to me as if I am 5-years old* “No, everyone drove in separate cars.”

As we entered the restaurant, an excited church member greeted us. “Hey, I’ve never met your wife!” Me: “Hi I am Ashlee, nice to meet you” *walks off* You guys, I don’t necessary (not always, maybe most of the time) mean to be an a**hole, I have a hard time pretending to be interested in people, things or places I’m forced to go.

Once inside we had to take a picture; although, I did not want to because I won’t reach my ideal weight until Summer. After, was the “ice breaker” which included writing 3 things no one knows about me on an index card, dropping it in a box, pulling a card and guessing the person on the card. The perfect game for someone who suffers from social anxiety and is an introvert. Want to know what I wrote?

I do not like socializing.

I want to be a crazy cat lady.

I have over 150 bottles of nail polish.

What I really wanted to say:

An older lady guessed me. The card I pulled had two descriptions: (1) I got married in the mountains and (2) something about adopting stray pets from the side of the road. The church I attend is multicultural and because I don’t know any black people who would get married in the mountains and adopt the animal kingdom, I started to count the white people in the room. The second person I walked up to was my person, lol.

After we got that crap out of the way, we ate and had to introduce our mate, look them in their eyes and tell them why we appreciate them. Couple after couple gave loving speeches, ending with a hug or kiss. Then, Husband and I. Husband: “This is my wife Ashlee and I appreciate you for pushing me to do instead of just talking about it.” Me: “This is my Husband Akili and I appreciate you for taking me to see the Dance of the Lion King last night.”

After, there was a testimony from a couple who had been attending some type of beta test marriage group, a discombobulated presentation from marriage experts and my favorite: the end! We left with sparkling apple cider and chocolate which should’ve lead to a steamy night of martial bliss. I went to sleep.

Overall, it was not the worst experience of my life but hopefully my last “marriage connection.” I’m not saying there aren’t things I can’t learn, I’ve been married for only 10 months but my preference is one-on-one opposed to a couples love fest:

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Side note: Husband and I were listed as sponsors, I wonder what else he has sponsored behind my back…

Faux Product Reviews proved to be a success so I thought I should give my book reviews a theme. I am not an expert at reviewing anything; therefore, there is a chance this post is…bogus.

*If curse words make your eyes and ears bleed, you may want to go to one of my older posts. I don’t want to completely kick you out, I need the blog views…*

I came across this book a few days ago and debated buying it. Personally speaking (because it is me talking about myself), I don’t give a f*** most of the time. I actually thought I was nearly an expert until I read the introduction and thought “there are still a few f***s I need to give up.”

Source: Sarah Knight

“This brilliant, hilarious, and practical parody of Marie Kondo’s bestseller The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up explains how to rid yourself of unwanted obligations, shame, and guilt–and give your f*cks instead to people and things that make you happy.”

Knight explains the NotSorry Method, what you should and shouldn’t give a f*** about, not being an a***hole in the process of not giving a f***, sorting your f*** s in categories, situations where it may be tough to not give a f***, the dramatic transformation as a result of not giving a f***, and “other bullshit.”

Overall, this book is worth giving a f*** about. It’s really about letting go and living your happiest life. For more, click here.

Unlike other Faux Product Reviews, I haven’t tried this product. This one, you’ll have to try first. Quid pro quo?

Tweexy is “the original wearable nail polish bottle holder” which makes polishing nails easier and spill-free. Personally, I think the nonuse of base and top coats is the bigger issue but I digress. Tweexy comes in 3 colors (bon bon pink, sapphire night and spa green), slides on both fingers and toes, fits all standard size nail polish bottles, and is made of 100% silicone. Currently, it’s only available via Amazon and retails for $14.95 (which is a respectable price).

I’m still on the fence because I’m already an awesome nail polisher ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ This could be more annoying than helpful but I’ll let you help me decide. Learn “how to” Tweexy here. Convinced? Shop Tweexy, here!

On Saturday, Husband told me to arrive at church on time. I’m never on time. I thought his request was odd. I knew there were plans to pass out roses to the women in the congregation, I helped him shop for those roses. Me: “What else are you guys planning, I hope you don’t embarrass me.” Husband: “I just want you there with me.”

As HBIC of the usher board, he’s rarely with me during church. He seats people, does the welcome speech, and assists with offering. Sometimes he’s able to sit next to me once the pastor starts preaching but that’s rare. Any who, I complied with his request.

It’s Sunday and Husband is doing his welcome speech. As expected, two additional ushers came out and assisted him with the dissemination of roses. I noticed that he kept one and thought to myself “OH NO!” He then told the congregation that he kept one rose “because it was a special rose for a special woman.” He then proceeded to state how much he enjoyed our 10 months of marriage, how much he loved me, etc. It was the sweetest gesture I’ve ever experienced. And, I was happy that I was able to maintain my composure because I can’t get all emotional in public, I have an image to uphold.

He wasn’t done. He proceeded to sing “You Are So Beautiful” and then, I got something in my eye. The scene kind of went like this… Husband:

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Church members:

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Me:

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Just kidding, we were in church people! Even now, I’m speechless and thankful for such a sweet husband who not only expresses how he feels about me daily but did it in front of the entire congregation. I love you too and here’s to almost a year of marriage!