Taking Away Hospital Nurseries Means Taking Away a Mom's Choice

Just when you thought we had exhausted all the topics for moms to argue about comes the rise of yet another crucially essential debate that will no doubt have momentous consequences for our future generations:

Will you room with your newborn in the hospital after birth or send her to the nursery?

This conversation is stoking the flames of the mom war fires—not because the practice of keeping baby with you is anything new (it’s not)—but because the Baby-Friendly Hospital Initiative is increasingly more popular.

That’s the concept in which staff in maternity wards give babies nothing but breast milk and encourage rooming in (along with other tactics to encourage breastfeeding). The problem, of course, is that so many hospitals are now actually doing away with nurseries altogether—even though many moms would prefer to send their baby to a nursery. In fact, according to Today, by the end of next year, one in four births in the U.S. will take place in a hospital without a nursery.

As some who has given birth in a certified “baby-friendly” hospital and one that was not “baby-friendly”—which I can only guess would make it “baby-hostile”—I feel sufficiently qualified to compare the merits of both.

My Baby-Friendly Hospital Stay

Pros: Knowing where my baby was at all times—with me! (More on this point later.) My wonderful nurses were helpful and attentive while still giving me enough independence so I could re-learn all the newborn care stuff (like how to bathe him without him going down the drain). Plus, my husband got to stay in the room with me—attending to my every need like procuring my favorite flavor of KIND bars, ordering me takeout for dinner, finding the TV remote when I was accidentally lying on it, and flagging down a nurse for more painkillers.

Cons: Tired, oh so tired. The whole idea behind the “baby-friendly” philosophy is that mom and baby can bond 24 hours a day—but is really best for baby to bond with a mom who’s deliriously tired, cranky, and, sometimes, in intense pain? I volunteer myself as a research subject and I say no. Not to mention that if you’ve ever heard a newborn sleep, you know it’s challenging to bond with all the snorting, grunting, and groaning going on.

Verdict: Though it was nice to have family time just the three of us, and I appreciated all the “free” lactation advice, I probably would have remembered more if I could have actually gotten a few, quality hours of sleep. Two-and-half stars.

My Baby-Hostile Hospital Stay

Pros: Sleep! Oh blessed sleep. Those three hours between 1 am and 4 am when my baby went to the nursery for a bath and some routine tests were mine—all mine. And I don’t feel like it derailed our breastfeeding relationship or prevented us from bonding, thank you very much. But what do I know? I’m just the mom.

Cons: No husband (or KIND bars or takeout and the remote was lost forever)! When I awoke at 3:59 am, my first thought was “I’ll never use the lower half of my body again,” and my second was “Where is my baby?!?!” But the nurse immediately rolled her in, breastfeeding commenced and all, save for the lower half of my body, was well.

Verdict: Definitely not the relaxing, spa-like experience baby-friendly advocates would have you believe. Yes, my baby was away from me in nursery but I spent the time wisely by taking a catnap and teaching myself to walk again. Two-and-a-half stars.

Here’s a crazy idea: Why not offer a choice between sleeping with baby or without and let moms—you know, the ones who grow the baby, and get the baby out, and then take care of the baby—decide which experience is best for them?

Which do you prefer: the baby-friendly practices or the baby-hostile ones?

Written by Kim Conte

Kim Conte is a freelance contributor to WhatToExpect.com. She and her husband had a baby girl in February 2014.