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Category: Marriage

Well, not really a “birth” day technically as the EvylRobot, being a robot, never made a birth canal journey, but happy cut-from-your-mother day doesn’t flow so easily. And I don’t think Hallmark makes a card for that.

Today we are celebrating the anniversary of the EvylRobot‘s entry into the world. I, for one, am quite thankful he was extracted.

Not only is he my husband; he is my best friend. He’s my co-conspirator in life’s adventures, and the father of the one and only WeeBot. You see, when I sprung for a robot, I got the Deluxe edition. Spared no expense, I tell you. You all know him as the craftsman of the finest custom leather holsters money can buy. Did you know he’s also a wonderful cook? And a musician? Even after 13 years together, I keep discovering new bonus features. And his chassis has held up quite nicely, if I do say so myself.

I really had no idea what I was getting into when I started shooting. Honestly, I just wanted to add a new skill into my skill set. I never would have guessed that it would strengthen my already awesome marriage. It is an awesome thing when your spouse is you best friend and partner. It’s even better when you share so many interests in common.

The fellowship of the gun is a powerful bonding experience. Sure, when you run the machine in the zone, there is you, your target, and the gun connecting you. Everything else dulls and fades out as though time is slowing down all around the little tunnel that the shot is going to follow. But, to have your best friend and lover there to cheer your greatest shots and offer a “you’ll do better next time” for the botched ones – there is little else that compares except of course, being on the other end of that interchange.

So everyone has been asking what a certain EvylRobot and our spawn, the WeeBot did for me for Mother’s Day. My answer, “Nothing out of the ordinary.”

I mean, I got a card. The EvylRobot cooked for me, but he always does that. I almost never cook a meal at home. I suppose it is unusual that I did not get breakfast in bed on Saturday. I don’t every Saturday, but it is pretty often actually. He cooked for my brother and future sis-in-law and her daughter too, but that’s not really unusual. He let me sleep in and brought me coffee in bed, but again, not unusual.

So no, we didn’t really do anything special for Mother’s Day. He always treats me like I’m special and that’s the best gift of all.

Today, the Evylrobot and I have been officially together for 13 years. It was a full moon on Friday the 13th.

A little piece of trivia that many of you may already know is that we tried to get married on spring break 13 years ago. We had only known each other for less than a month. We were packed and ready to head out of town. His parents had met me and didn’t like me yet. They were convinced he was rebounding from his previous girlfriend*. My mother was still in the trauma phase of dealing with being a banker during an armed bank robbery of her branch location.

But we had a plan. We were going out of state to visit a justice of the peace (or maybe an ordained Elvis impersonator**). We had to stop by Evylrobot’s house which was still his parent’s house at the time. (Hey, we were 19, totally legitimate to still be living at least partially with the folks.) His mother said to him, “Michael, don’t ever run away and get married without telling anyone.” She wouldn’t let us leave until he promised.

Dammit

We took our trip anyway. But we didn’t elope. No, that happened several months later in December. But in some ways, we’ll always celebrate spring break as our intended anniversary. Yes, the kid is staying with grandparents this week. No, I’m not giving you details. This blog is generally rated PG.

*The ladies at his church got together to give us a wedding gift. It was beautiful leather bound guest book. Inscribed with the ex’s name.

**Not really. We were headed to Texas. As far as I know, there are no wedding performing Elvises (Elvi?) in Texas.

Maybe, just maybe, drunken sparing in a friend’s living room wasn’t the smartest idea. But hubby and I had to do something while they were putting together the hide-a bed for us. Hubby won. I’m way too nice to kick him in his already bad knees.

The last twelve years of marriage have been a wild ride. I’m having a lot of fun with you. Even on the occasions when times were not so much fun, I’m glad you were there with me. I love you so much more now than I did when we got married (even though it was a lot back then), and I’m looking forward to growing old with you. Thank you for coming with me on all of my crazy adventures! You make the best company of anybody I know. It’s wonderful to live with someone that gets my jokes and knows my quirks. You ought to know that I’m your biggest fan. I love your kind heart and your quick wit. I love that you envision structure and design the way I do. I like it when we are of one mind on a subject, and I’m thrilled when we differ on issues. On top of all that, you’re beautiful and sexy! I love that you want to hang around with me. I’m looking forward to whatever we’ve got in our future together. When the zombies attack, I want you and your shotgun at my back. Any swanky parties I’m invited to, I want you to be my date. That’s an open invitation on either of those scenarios, or any conceivable thing in between. So in less than a week, we will have been married for twelve years. Would you care to join me for the next twelve? I love you so incredibly much!

So apparently there is a New Jersey pastor that is calling for all married people to delete their Facebook accounts. He’s kind of got a point, but I say that if Facebook can harm your marriage, you had problems before you joined the site.

Facebook is a great tool for networking and staying in touch with friends and family. But yes, it can get you into trouble if not handled appropriately. But that is true of anything.

Your marriage should be a haven of trust. If you are keeping secrets from your spouse, even little things, it could spell problems. I don’t mean keeping the fun secrets like what you are getting them for Christmas (a secret that the EvylRobot will tell you I am terrible at keeping). I mean secrets that don’t initially seem like a big deal. That innocent conversation at work. For me, when that conspiratorial voice in the back of my head says that I shouldn’t tell my hubby, I put that very thing on the top of my mental list to tell him at the first opportunity. Harmless flirtation at the office. Yep, he knows. Even if there is no chance that I might ever find myself attracted to that other person and vice versa.

I’m not pretending to be an expert, but I have been happily married for nearly 12 years now. And I am very, very serious about protecting my marriage. My husband has access to my Facebook account. I have access to his. We don’t check up on each other, but we could. We don’t need to though. And it’s because we manage our online social circles in much the same way as our real-life social circles.

Take it or leave it, but here’s Jennifer’s advice for Facebooking while married

1. DO NOT FRIEND AN EX! Just stop. Step away from your computer and hang out with your spouse right here. I don’t care that it was a long time ago and that you don’t have any feelings for them. You did once. You probably still have things in common that you would chat about. It’s a minefield that you don’t need to step into.

2. DON’T HAVE CONVERSATIONS THAT YOU WON’T SHOW YOUR SPOUSE. I don’t really care what you are talking about in chat or private messages. Share them with your spouse. If you aren’t comfortable sharing them with your spouse, why are you having them?

3. FLIRT WITH YOUR SPOUSE PUBLICLY. Don’t be afraid to be cute and sappy, but don’t embarrass your other friends with it either. And do keep it family friendly. The dirty talk will be more fun when you are in the same room anyway.

4. KEEP YOUR DISAGREEMENTS PRIVATE. It’s really the flip side of #3. Don’t air your dirty laundry. Or talk about who isn’t doing the laundry (that would be me, I’m a terrible housekeeper). I’m not saying you can’t share the funny story about how they were stealing the blankets last night, but it should be in good fun, not bitching. Present a united front. If you can’t, you need to be talking to your spouse, or a counselor, or potentially an attorney. Cyberspace is not the place for that.

If you were doing whatever it is you are doing on your Facebook account and had to walk out of the room leaving your computer up, would it be okay for your spouse to see whatever that was? If your marriage is important, that should be just fine. (Planning surprises would be the exception of course.) At this very moment, my husband could alt-tab over to my Facebook account, and I’m not even in the same zip code he is. And I have absolutely no problem with that. It’s not up because he wants to check up on me; it’s up because that is convenient for me and I trust him.