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Wednesday, November 23, 2011

In which I become a cautionary tale...

At my last OB appointment after I had the twins, my doctor said to me, "and remember, little accidents make little people."

And I had a smug little belly laugh over that because really, if anyone is going to get pregnant without stone cold science? Well, it isn't me, silly doctor!

I prefer the word "surprise" over "accident." There is about to be a New Knepper, around June 5.

Please see the following FAQ:

Whaaaa????: I know, right?!

Did you do fertility treatments? Are you fucking crazy? I barely have time to bathe and pluck my chin whisker.

Did you do this on purpose? Yes. I figured, "eh. Nothing else going on..." and also, all that infertility stuff? I WAS FAKING IT.

(No, I wasn't. There are crazy people out there who fake stuff like that and I swearz I am legit with the infertility and woe, etc.)

Are you excited? Of course we are! Why wouldn't we be excited?

Will you murder anyone who suggests that relaxing made this baby? Murder or at least beat severely. Depends on my mood.

Back in September, I was up sick two nights in a row. My texts with Mark are as follows:

Gross, right? I promise that I do not shove buns in my vagina. The only place I shove buns is in my face, with copious amounts of butter.

Then I went about spreading warmth and cheer in my office (I'm very warm and cheery) for the next half hour until I was all Wait A Tick...

*counts on fingers*

Um......

**counts on fingers again, masters degree in accounting be damned**

Oh....latesky...

So a quick trip to target and a pee break during work revealed...a line? I wasn't sure. I made my two coworkers come in my office and handle my urine-soaked stick to see if they saw it too. Everyone was all, yes? It's light but yes? OMG HILARITY.

So the next day I tested and BAM! LINE! Which you can't see in this picture but it's there. Awkward conversation continues...

As it turns out, they are very reliable. Meet the Newest Knepper - 12 weeks, 1 day of nonstop nausea. So far looking as perfect as can be. Hopefully Ainsley comes home before this baby...

You know what the only bad part about all of this is? The very worst? Now everyone knows I'm not a virgin. So.embarrassing.﻿

So, yeah... Had a surprise like that once too. After all the crying, I was really excited. I know timing may suck a big one, how crazy wonderful exciting for you guys!! Yay for babies! Can't wait to hear if you're having a taco party or sausage fest!!

(Also, thanks for giving me another example to offer my husband when he says he doesn't see the need for a vasectomy after our twins are born. We are definite about wanting no more than two children and would've been done with one.)

Congratulations! That is wonderful news. I have been following your blog for a while and have found your blog both inspiring and funny. I, too, have struggled with infertility and recently found out I was pregnant without any treatments right before we were to start IVF. So, congrats again.

WOW!!! Congratulations!!! We are pregnant with #4 also... after conceiving #1 with fertility treatments and #2/#3 (twins) with fertility treatments. Then SURPRISE!!! A relative actually did say, "I knew you'd get pregnant when you relaxed." Obviously I am so relaxed, with a 3-year-old and 1-year-old twins at home, right? I haven't relaxed in almost 4 years!!! Anyway, she said it over the phone, fortunately, so I couldn't go all stabby.

Anyway, I love those texts! When we found out, it was just an email from me with the subject line: "Holy Motherfucking Shit." (Pardon my french!)

Unbelievable! I just texted my reproductively challenged friend (who also follows your blog) when I read this and said, "Holy smokes, it CAN happen!" Gives me some hope with our little male factor infertility going on. I better watch it - baby #1 is only 5 months old tomorrow :)

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! :):):) I'm so excited for you! Maybe September was a lucky month for us infertile but not actually trying anymore chicks because I'm due the day after you! Yay unplanned wonderfulness!!

I've been following/lurking for some time now and I'm so happy for you! I know it's hard with all the stuff going on in your life and now the addition of the more stuff, but I sure do like that you're posting every day. I check on you a lot and it's cool when you're 'here.'

ohmyeffinggawd!! this is AMAZING!!!!!!! congrats congrats congrats!! i love you and your blog and your newest creation!! that's right, i sound like some creepy cyber stalker bc i love your unborn child and you don't even know me!! i am grinning ear to ear for you. and i'm with everyone else~ i was waiting for a punch line. lololol

I got my mom reading your blog quite a while ago and tonight she texts me saying, "did you see that Ainsley's mom is pregnant?!?!?!" OMG, I was out to dinner and had to excuse myself to the bathroom (restroom?!) to continue my texts with her & get all the details. I cannot imagine what you were thinking through all of this but love the texts between you & the hubs, real life right there! I agree with the commenter who said you need to write a book about this, crazy!

Frickin' awe-some! Now, I'll admit that when I read the "How do you do it?" post, I even thought - wow. They never see each other - God love them! But now... now I read this line "Most days we just go along with the hustle of it all" in a whole new way! lol Congrats!

Oh, so I see you relaxed... ha, totally kidding. Congrats and maybe it's a boy so Mark won't be so outnumbered. ;o) Or a girl, because hey, why break the trend. Also, if you have any leftover rolls, I would take one (or two). Ha!

That is CRAZY!!!!!!!!!! What the heck, how the heck, holy moly and most of all, congrats. God bless your newest little addition-to-be & keep him or her safe! The older I get, the more I see, the more I know that some things are just meant to be. And I do agree though, that's what you get for gettin' it on in the closet of the NICU! ;) Wishes, happiness, joy, and non-nauseous vibes coming to you via the Internet!

Oh my freaking lord. That is amazing and insane. So happy/stressed for you. If ever there were a rebuttal to the relaxation advice, I think you have it. You should tell them that maybe you really just needed to do the exact opposite so that your body would eventually give up and grow an extra person to help you deal with all your commitments. vet happy, healthy nine months to you!

Amazing! And crazy timing too. How did you have time to make a baby even without fertility treatments? ;) I'm betting on a boy this time. And your texts with your husband are hilarious! I am jealous that my hubby and I aren't that cool. Congrats!

That is awesome :D Life works in mysterious ways... I'm thinking maybe I should come off the pill and see if accidents can happen in this household as well :) (just kidding... I'm not ready for another one... BUT I bet it's a great feeling to fall pregnant without trying and without intervention)

Duuuuuuuuuuuude! That's so awesome! Congratulations! Also, the whole interchange about shoving the bun in your vag and how you actually *had* buns at home for the shoving? Oh em gee. I really did laugh out loud at that one. And then my husband wanted to know what I was laughing about, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't nearly as funny when I relayed it.

Can't stop saying 'awwwwwww' at my computer screen (which is slightly disturbing). This wonderful, wonderful news has made my day and has made me feel all smooshy and hopeful about the universe. Congratulations!!!

Congratulations!!!! We'll be preggo buddies together! Except for the fact that we've never met and we don't know each other and, if I showed up on your doorstep, you'd think I was stalking you which could potentially make our daily walks together a little bit awkward.

Holy shitskies!! Congratulations! Having had a baby au naturale (after my 4th-IVF-attempt-twins), I can relate to the total surreal-ness of it all. Enjoy it (or attempt to) and laugh about it. It really is funny, but in such a good way. The FSM has a truly wicked sense of humor.

I've come back to read this post three times and soak in the news. I haven't been with you for your other pregnancies, but I'm thrilled for you guys and thrilled to be part of the wildly awesome ride for this little bun!

First-Congratulations!!!! Second-This totally happened to me. The fertility training wheels, the no F-ing way I could get knocked up on my own, the "WTF is that a line????" Sure was, and that line is now the most beautiful 8 month old little girl I never knew I always wanted.

Wishing you the very very best with your two big sisters and your newest love! Congratulations again!

I am soooo happy for you! What a fabulous fetus you have there! I think my favorite part, aside from the obvious life-creating thing, is how you and Mark text each other using the same awesome verbage you use on your blog. I worship you both.

So much love,Cheryl from Star, which back in the day would have put your u/s photo on the cover with a headline like Shocking Almost-Virgin Birth!

Holy shit balls and congrats to you! Amazing and crazy your life story. Seriously, I am stunned and elated and oh my god could you have any more on your plate----but also, how freaking beautiful and wonderful for you. WOW. HOLY FREAKING WOW.

In the ultrasound pic, it looks like the baby is already shooting you the bird. But congratulations! That's fabulous. And it's proof that, even with all that you and Mark have been through in the past year, y'all still like each other well enough to make nookie!

WOah. I was so not expecting this. I don't think you were either, though. I think its wonderful. Maybe your Evelyn's spirit still needed to be with you. I wish you all the best in this pregnancy and I cannot wait to continue reading about your adventures!

I feel like i've already commented and I'm sure about a billion people have already said this but I can't help myself. You guys must have just relaxed :). In all seriousness, congratulations on the new baby Jen!

Holy buckets!! I have been off the blogs for a month or so and figured, hey, I'll check Jen's to get started again, she won't have too many posts, maybe one or two...but then a whole November load of them!!!! Then with the big, huge, hold the phone news at the end...CONGRATS Kneppers!!!! Great amazing news! Amazing that this is the first we've heard too. So glad you've made it to this milestone and have been feeling well and baby is doing great!! CONGRATS!!!!

I want to be the 158th person to congratulate you. I'm expecting our second (first was an FET) and I've preferred to explain that this baby wasn't a surprise because we know where babies come from, but, well, we're just excited.I'm thrilled for your family. It sounds like great news and we'll still be praying for all the new joys and trying times that will be ahead. But mostly...Congratulations!

Holy moly!! I was totally waiting for you to be all, "HA! Fooled you! I actually had to poop!" or something equally as hilarious.

& then I LOL'd at "Are those pretty reliable?"

Congratulations, Kneppers. Though I have NO FREAKING CLUE how you managed to do it - DH & I have a hard enough time with our schedules, I can't imagine when you had the time :)

(Also? As much as I hope to get pregnant, then my dad will for sure know that I have had sex. After 5+ years of marriage. Yeah. I feel like any pregnancy announcement should start with, "So, Dad. I'm not a little girl anymore, &..." HA!)

I have been following your blog for a while and when I saw this post, I was in complete disbelief!! How wonderful for you and your family! I certainly hope you have far less dramz with this pregnancy. My hope is that it is smooth sailing for you! (with minimal pukies)

Wow, this is so fantastic! I have been following you for about 2 years (long time reader, first time poster). I am also due on June 5th, expecting identical twins. I am so shocked by this and I can't believe I didn't read this post until today due to Thanksgiving! Congratulations a million times over!

[I've followed your blog for years... obsessively during both of our first IVF pregnancies...]

My little guy Alex (12 months next week) was conceived au naturale after IVF as well. Like you, I was SHOCKED to be late and then to see that second line.

I wonder if we would have gotten pregnant on our own without IVF, or whether something about the previous pregnancies got our bodies read for it. Of all the IVF blogs that I used to follow, there are several of us in this situation.

In any case, I'm using the pill now because I'm not quite ready for #3 just yet! :)

In a related situation right now! Except not as far along and I had an IUD, so getting pregnant at all was pretty damn shocking. Just thought to take a pregnancy test this morning and then had an ultrasound a couple hours later. It was like deja vu to the twins in seeing the two gestational sacs.

I love this post. I gave birth to twins in June and guess what? I've got a little one on the way due June 23rd. I, too, did shove any baked goods anywhere. You are third unexpected fourth child pregnancy that I know of. I think it's a conspiracy. Good luck!