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6.13.2014

HOME ALONE: AN ACCOUNT OF A TRAUMATIZING PERSONAL EXPERIENCE

i got home from work late wednesday evening only to find that *gasp!* my entire family was gone! missing! they'd flat up deserted the home front, leaving no signs of life or promises of return! i instantly (naturally) panicked. i was quick to jump to (what felt like) the most obvious conclusion: my family had been kidnapped (looking back, i may have been thinking a tad bit irrationally in the heat of the moment. i was distressed! and i just finished reading a murder-mystery novel. i've been conditioned to assume the worst). this seemed like the only logical explanation, especially when considering my family's tendency to stay in in the evenings and/or the fact that we're constantly texting and updating each other on things (sometimes, on too many things, in too great of detail. we are that close). i tried calling each of them. no answer. from any of them. my neck prickled with sweat. breathe. after i gave it a good thought, i rationally decided i could (mostly) rule out a kidnapping, which left me searching for an explanation; they took advantage of me being out of their hair and went on a fun adventure? they took advantage of me being out of their hair and packed up and abandoned me? forever!? i glanced at the kitchen table and suddenly remembered*: the girls' soccer banquet bbq was tonight! how could i forget! i dropped down into a dining room chair and let out an audible sigh of relief, internally scoffing as i recounted my silly preceding 4 minutes of sheer worry. a sly smirk spread across my face as the realization hit me: i'm home alone. this never happens. what does one do with an entire house to themselves? i stood still, blink, blink, looked around the room, and then took off to do what all good twenty-somethings do when they realize they have a whole entire quiet, cozy, fully-stocked (mom bought groceries the day before! boomski!) human being residential space to themselves. so what is it that all good twenty-somethings do in such a situation, you ask? it looks something like this:

take a moment to soak in the glory of alone-ness, look around, assess all of the exciting possibilities for activities.

first thing's first: food. open fridge. take a bite or two of all yummy things calling out to you while you decide on what you actually want to eat. choose salad and a grilled cheese with jalapenos. easy cheesy, literally.

simultaneously cook grilled cheese and prep salad. burn grilled cheese because you got too consumed in the lettuce. shrug it off and eat grilled cheese anyways because a little extra crisp never hurt nobody.

hey! an open t.v.! let's peruse the channels, shall we? you fantasize about how amazing this t.v. will look with something other than spongebob squarepants blaring from its speakers as you dig around for the remote.

you can't find the remote because you never use it and thus, don't know its officially unofficial hiding places.

spotted! a silver remote, hidden under a mountain of blankets and pillows. use remote to turn on the t.v. and channel surf.. nothing.. nothing.. settle for real housewives of O.C.

quickly get bored of t.v. but refuse to turn it off because you have the t.v. to yourself for once so take advantage of it!

take some time to force the bruiser in your life to love you because you're the only one home so basically he has no choice (demonstrated in photo set above).

check your phone: no texts.
check the time and make a sassy remark about the family being out past curfew.

remind yourself the sassiness is just camouflaged loneliness.
miss them a little.

skim a few pages of your book. check time again.

wait! was that a car door you just heard? they're back! leap up and hug them and bombard them with love as they come through the door because you've just been reassured through experience that life is much better with company.

* - aid in remembrance provided by: a snapchat from jenna's best friend, my lifesaver, tessibop. where would i be without that girl?