Relief Society Lesson 15: Eternal Marriage

I would begin this lesson by mentioning that the topic is eternal marriage, and that this can be a difficult (or maybe just uninteresting) topic for some people who are not currently sealed to a beloved partner. So as we discuss, let’s be sensitive to the fact that many of the people in this room don’t have this right now.

Starter question: In your own experience, or from what you have observed in others, what are the key characteristics of a successful marriage? As they are thinking, tell them a couple of your own insights or stories relating to this question. Personally, I might mention the idea of respecting my spouse’s desires and dreams and doing what I can to support them, as he does for me. That phrase from Marjorie Hinckley comes to mind, as she talked about what kind of husband President Hinckley was: “From the very beginning he gave me space and let me fly.” I think this applies to dreams and desires, and I also think it applies to conscience. My husband and I are not exactly on the same page on certain things ideologically, and after several years I think we are getting better at learning to honor the journey of the other person and allow each other space to follow our consciences. Giving each other this kind of space and respect has been key to the success of our marriage.

Other things people might say: love, kindness, consideration, helpfulness, respect, words of affirmation, quality time together, service, etc. As people mention kindness and consideration, mention that the manual points out how kind JFS was as a husband and how helpful he was. Read a few sentences describing that from the intro section. Encourage a good discussion on this question – people should enjoy sharing their insights.

Section 1: Celestial marriage is the crowning ordinance of the gospel.

“The fullness and blessings of the Priesthood and Gospel grow out of Celestial marriage. This is the crowning ordinance of the Gospel and crowning ordinance of the temple”

Question: In your experience, does having a temple marriage change the way spouses treat each other ? How? How should it? (Note to teacher: it would be wise to affirm that people learn very important and meaningful things from civil marriages too, as well as other close long term relationships. We don’t want to use this topic of eternal marriage as a means to put down people who don’t have temple marriages.)

Section 2: Marriage endures forever

“Marriage was never intended by the Lord to end at death of the mortal body; but to add honor, dominion, power to the covenanting parties, and the continued and eternal unity of the family in the kingdom of God. Such blessings are held in reserve for those who are willing to abide in this covenant as the Lord revealed it. It is not merely a partnership between a man and a woman, for as the Lord has said, in marriage they become one flesh and enter into a partnership with God.”

I’m interested in this idea of partnership, not only between marriage partners, but also between the spouses and God. What do you think it means to have a marriage in partnership with God? In what way is God a partner in marriage? How can we make God more of a partner?

JSF also mentions that marriage is a partnership between men and women. When I think of scriptural verses that show marital partnership I think of D&C 132. This describes destiny of couples of sealed couples. Read part of vs 19 and all of vs. 20”

“and they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there, to their exaltation and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their heads, which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever. 19 Then shall they be gods, because they have no end; therefore shall they be from everlasting to everlasting, because they continue; then shall they be above all, because all things are subject unto them. Then shall they be gods, because they have all power, and the angels are subject unto them.”

What strikes you in these verses?Are there any images or themes or ideas that particularly resonate with you? Personally, I love how equitable this vision of godhood is. Men and women do this together are both reflected as recipients of power and blessings: “they shall be gods… they shall be above all … they have all power” The language is balanced, egalitarian, and in no way connotes that women are subordinate to men in this construction. It definitely meshes well with that idea of partnership that JSF mentions in the quote above.

How have you fostered a sense of partnership between spouses in your marriages (or what have you seen others fostered it?) While they think about that question, read to them this quote from Chieko Okazaki, which gives some insight into what she thinks best fosters partnership:

“I share these stories… because I want you to understand two principles that worked so well to create a partnership in our marriage. I believe that these same principles also operate when men and women work together in the church. Frist, a partnership focuses on the best way to do the task, not on who gets to give the orders. Second, a partnership always builds strengths in both partners, even though each partner has different strengths.” P. 8 Cat’s Cradle

Section 3: Marriage brings happiness and eternal glory

“Nothing will prepare mankind for glory in the kingdom of God as readily as faithfulness to the marriage covenant.”

I’m interested in having a conversation about how we should approach statements like this, which clearly exclude people who never marry or who marry outside the temple. Many Mormons deal with this by saying that it’s ok because all righteous people will have opportunities to marry eternally in the next life, (for example, see next section “he has granted to the living members of the Church that they may act as proxies for the dead who died without the opportunity of acting in their own behalf.”) But I’m worried that this sort of response might sometimes feel as though we were sloughing off the real pain or real experiences of people who are single in this life. Does it discount their meaningful growth and contributions outside of marriage?

How do you balance out the idea that marriage does refine people in important ways, with the fact that not all people will be married and it’s pretty clear that non-married people grow and develop and lead immensely meaningful and important lives? I would mention Mother Teresa and other non-married women and men who have grown and accomplished wonderful things in this life. If anyone is ready for glory in the kingdom of God, it would be Mother Teresa, I believe. Why? Because she embodies discipleship of Christ. While the marriage sealing no doubt is important and leads to growth in important ways, we can all be disciples of Christ and learn kindness and consideration in our relationships with others, no matter our marital status.

Section 5: Teaching Children

“May all Latter-day Saint fathers and mothers see to it that they teach their children the sacredness of the marriage covenant. Let them impress upon their children that in no other way than by honoring the covenants of God, among which the covenant of eternal marriage is one of the greatest and most mandatory, can they obtain the blessings of eternal lives.”

What do you do (or recommend doing) to teach children important ideas about the importance of marriage or how to successfully navigate marriage? One thing my husband and I have done is let our kids know that we are separate individuals who have different opinions and disagree with each other on various things. So sometimes they see us disagree with each other, and then they also see us work together and love each other and get along. We also have agreed that when our kids ask us deep questions we would disagree about, that we will answer honestly for ourselves and then say, “But your mom (or dad) has a different opinion about this, so you should go talk to him/her about it as well.” I hope that will provide them a realistic idea of individuality within marriage.

Do you think we should be upfront with our children about the real challenges (as well as real positives) of navigating marriage? Should we talk to them about navigating money issues, faith issues, career choices, etc? Why or why not? How is it best to have these conversations about the navigating hard things in marriage?

Conclusion:

The theme of partnership is key for me when I think of the beautiful aspects of this idea of eternal marriage and navigating marriage successfully here on earth. I like to think of our Heavenly Parents as having a fruitful, loving, balanced partnership. Church leaders in the past have spoken of this partnership between our Heavenly Parents.

Susa Young Gates said that “the divine Mother, side by side with the divine Father, [has] the equal sharing of equal rights, privileges and responsibilities.” In “The Vision Beautiful” Improvement Era 23, 1920.

Elder Jeffrey Holland and his wife Patricia have taught that our Mother and our Father are involved in the ongoing process of creating everything around us, and “are doing so lovingly and carefully and masterfully.” In On Earth as it Is in Heaven, by Holland and Holland, p. 4.

M. Russell Ballard has taught that “Our Heavenly Parents’ love and concern for us continues to this very moment.” Our Search for Happiness, p. 70

I might end by showing the class recent depictions of Heavenly Mother from the A Mother Here Art and Poetry Contest. These images show an involved, loving, and powerful God the Mother, a full partner of God the Father. I think most women would LOVE seeing these images.

Conclude by bearing your testimony about what you love about the idea of eternal marriage.

Song suggestion: O My Father

This is how I would approach the lesson. What are your ideas? Please share!

10 Responses

I loved how you talk about marriage as a partnership and that we need to respect each other’s differences and separate journeys. That is a place my husband and I have come to on our own in our marriage, but it would have benefited me greatly to hear it at church. I think I grew up with the idea that we would be one and that if we don’t agree perfectly on every issue, we can’t be one and we can’t have a good marriage. Marriage taught me that two people can disagree respectfully and still absolutely love and value each other.
I especially love how you weaved Heavenly Mother into the lesson at the end. It was beautiful and perfect.

I really love this. I teach in a YSA ward, so this is always a tricky lesson to approach. They way you approach people who are unmarried is very sensitive. Sometimes it feels like the message is, ‘if you don’t get married, you can’t live a meaningful life.’ While I know there are important ways to grow that are unique being in such an intimate relationship, there are also lessons to be learned that are unique to being on one’s own. It all depends on what the lessons are that we as individuals need to learn at a given point in our lives.

I also love the approach you take with your kids. Making sure they hear both you and your husband’s perspectives when you disagree about something is so great!

Caroline, what an amazing lesson you have written. I was suppose to give this lesson in RS but didn’t know how to teach.. I was married in the temple and then later divorced. I have since married a wonderful man that is not a member of the church but treats me with greater respect than my first husband. Your lesson just made me feel so much better about relationships and how to treat each other in a marriage. Thank you for giving us a different perspective on eternal marriage.

[…] Starter question: In your own experience, or from what you have observed in others, what are the key characteristics of a successful marriage? As they are thinking, tell them a couple of your own insights or stories relating to this question. Personally, I might mention the idea of respecting my spouse’s desires and dreams and doing what I can to support them, as he does for me. That phrase from Marjorie Hinckley comes to mind, as she talked about what kind of husband President Hinckley was: “From the very beginning he gave me space and let me fly.” I think this applies to dreams and desires, and I also think it applies to conscience. My husband and I are not exactly on the same page on certain things ideologically, and after several years I think we are getting better at …read more […]

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