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It has been a while since I last wrote anything and the reason being is that I have had so many random thoughts and feelings going around in my head I am still not sure what to do with them. I am still dating the said boy – well sort of – but in reality my heart is not in it and he has a massive snoring problem! It is nonstop the entire night and drives me crazy, one night I got the mattress from the garage and put it on the floor in my sons room so that I would get some sleep!

The above is one of the thoughts roaming around my head space and I think the best thing to do is say that I am not ready for this even though I thought I was. When do you know you are ready to move on with your life?

Other thoughts that have been floating in the air for a bit are about my ex! I know Gasp! Horror! Now that I have had time with my son and time to reflect on my reactions to many things that we threw at each other did I make the wrong decision? I know at the time the decision I made was right for my sanity and therefore that of my munchkin but now I am second guessing it and wondering if I should have walked away like I did or stuck it out through the extremely rough times? Again how do you know if you made the right decision or didn’t? There was so much raw emotion at the time and he did say to me I would regret it and I am not sure that is how I am feeling right now or not but there are thoughts and feelings there. I look at the munchkin and wish he could talk more to me so I could ask him 100 questions and get his thoughts but alas at nearly two years old there are only a couple word answers to any question which seem to be “another truck!”.

Has anyone else out there felt like this and if so what did you do about it?

I know that my family and some friends would not be pleased with me if we did get back together but ultimately it is my happiness and that of our child’s that is paramount in my mind at present. I have also decided it is in my best interest to seek help from a professional and maybe just have a good cry to them as I have done it in the past but there are still many tears to be shed over this situation past and present!

Since my last post I have had two dates with the same guy and they have gone remarkably well! I am not sure why I am surprised but after living a not so great relationship it is nice to have someone make you feel good about yourself again. Our second date was a night out in Brighton which included a lovely dinner and then on to the pub to watch the semi final of the footy, at 1.05am I decided it was time to pull the plug as I wanted to get up in the morning and go to exercise class. We pulled the plug but unfortunately I woke up a bit under the weather and therefore didn’t make it to the class and hated myself for the rest of the day. Why do we drink when we know we shouldn’t? Mind you I didn’t have lots just enough to tip me over and having not drunk in a while it affected me more than I thought it would.

Next date was more relaxed as we did pizza and Before the Game at my house. Sigh no need to worry about my clothes as much as not going out in public! Have decided I have way too many summer clothes and not enough Winter/in-between season clothes. Might have to look into that next year.

So we are going along quite nicely and it is good to feel like I have my mojo back even if I don’t really. I saw a friend’s husband on the weekend and he even commented on my figure so something must be working, either my boost in confidence or the exercise classes I have been taking. Now I probably have to look at my diet but I can leave that for another day.

Having dipped my toe back in the world of dating I must say it was surprisingly good to get out and not have the munckin in tow. He was at home been looked after by a great friend of mine so I knew all would be good and I could relax into the date. Which by the way went off without a hitch. Out of all the guys I have talked to on the said website this one was one of the ‘normal’ ones and he turned out to be normal in real life as well which was great. We met at a bar in Ormond and have a few wines/beers and ordered a pizza as well. Conversation flowed easily and there were no real gaps or lulls in the conversation which is always a good sign I believe. I am not necessarily looking for the one but if I meet someone I like I hope it can progress to something. After 3 hours I decided it was time to go home and relieve the babysitter plus it was a school night, well not for me but the others yes.

Whilst debriefing with my girlfriend on the couch I received a text message that said, “I wanted to go in for the pash but he wasn’t sure”, how cute is that? Mind you he thinks I am hoighty toighty as I mentioned our family beach house! Get over it not at all. Another date has been set for this Friday night and will let you know if there is a pash or not….!

I decided to dip my foot into the pool of online dating and see how I go about 1 month ago. Well it has certainly changed since I was dating quite a few years ago. I thought you required ‘dutch courage’ to ask someone out but it seems not! On my first night I was informed by a guy how he liked to have sex – which was quite confronting to a newbie like me. Then the other night I had another one telling me that he could come “ova” and make me feel special… Hmmm I think I can feel special about myself without him coming over to my place. All these new abbreviations are driving me insane as well, can’t anyone spell anymore??

I am going on my first internet date tonight with a guy that seems very normal and I will let you know how it goes, just have to decide what to wear now. A friend told me to make sure I have the assets out and I will be fine! I have never been one to do that so I can’t see myself starting now.

Who else has come across the very forward men on online dating sites? Am I the only one out there that doesn’t know what brb means? And lastly who spells over like an egg (ova), seriously guys if you want to meet a girl maybe you should think about some of these things or am I just too old fashioned for society now?