​The fear at the beginning, in the car, in the house, in bed, before bed…But was it as bad as I thought it would be? Well, it wasn’t. So do I have unnecessary worries, or are they founded in a certain truth? In a word, Yes. let’s be honest I have an anxiety disorder, and this makes everything a worry… so even though the rest of the day was generally fine I still believed that it would all go wrong.Feelings can be debilitating: tension, fear, trepidation.I’m there to help kids, but hilariously I still can’t remember what an adjective is… I had to look it up. How on earth have I got through life to this point without being found out! That’s not a question, it’s a statement of fact. HOW!I wonder why I find this difficult and think how it consistently affects me through my life. Resurfaced feelings of inadequacy when in reality I know I am not inadequate. On a supply day the sense of failure in real life is tangible, just as it is in the BallGame or any other exercise. This fear is tangible, a fear of being in charge, but of not being in charge. Not being able to control the room, myself, the stuff I am delivering. How does this change me? Well it does and when things around me are not clear and set these fears can magnify to unprecedented levels. But the fear is normal, if unwarranted.What if the school had been challenging, my fears would have been realised and I would then need to do whatever was appropriate to deal with it. And so we come back to that word again: ‘appropriate’. The fear is appropriate. It keeps me safe and prepared for life and whatever it may throw at me. We are all, to some extent, ready at all times for anything depending on our life experience and understanding of ourselves.Today has made me wonder: am I an extrovert or an introvert? I’ve always thought the former, but I am now beginning to challenge this. Was my extrovertedness a strategy to tell my dulled brain that I was more than capable? Is introvert/extrovert to simple a definition and therefore is it more of a spectrum? Do we constantly shift on that spectrum? So we can’t at any moment say for definite what/where we are.But where we are absolutely Affects how we are!

Teaching is a perfect process. It's a completely different art from lessons itself. Some of the best teachers are actually accidental and incidental. Some learn by accident and credit is given to someone who unknowingly initiated the accident. When we say incidental, the learning took place while in a situation that had nothing to contribute to the learning but incidentally initiated it. It's easy to get confused with accidental and incidental but let's just say, accidents are loved while the latter just happened to be there?