The health and education editor of the student newspaper at one of Canada’s most prestigious universities has advised the world that Movember — the month-long pledge by men to grow hair above the upper lip to support men’s health awareness — is “sexist, racist, transphobic, and misinformed.”

Let’s begin with transphobic. Which means it discriminates against women who have themselves mutilated so they can pretend to be men.

Haddad’s complaints about Movember are many. To begin with, he says, the concept discriminates against transgender people by linking masculinity “to secondary male characteristics, including having a prostate” and the ability to grow facial hair.

“To be completely clear, you don’t have to be a man to have a prostate, and you don’t have to have a prostate to be a man,” Haddad proclaims.

While women can’t grow a prostate (or be man), they can grow facial hair. And with the kinds of hormones being injected into the bodies of women who claim to be transgender men, they certainly do grow facial hair.

So Haddad is not only crazy. He’s also wrong.

The English and cultural studies major argues that Movember “implies an archaic view of gender that implies that only a male/female gender binary exists, and that you aren’t really a man if you don’t necessarily identify with that binary.”

Close encounters of the third kind? Is there a third non-binary sex we’re missing? Like Mowen? And can’t you be a third gender and still grow facial hair?

He asks: “How are people who do not identify with that binary and have a prostate supposed to partake in this cause?”

I don’t even…

Haddad claims Movember is also racist because black males are “twice as likely to develop” prostate cancer than white males yet most people celebrating Movember are white.

So mustaches are racist because black men are more likely to get prostate cancer.

Finally, Haddad aggressively claims that “campaigns like Movember help perpetuate” micro-aggressions–which he defines as “interactions between people of different races, genders, sexualities, and cultures that represent small acts of non-physical violence.”

I think this entire essay counts as a micro-aggression.

“Do some basic research, educate yourself on the issue, and think twice before growing a moustache this, or any other, November,” Haddad implores.