I really feel for you huge hugs. With my son I had postnatal depression. Those days were so dark and painful. It took my two and a half years to have the courage to ttc again. This time around I'm so reluebed as I've been fine - the difference is huge.

Please do try and speed the dr appointment up. They can hopefully refer you for some support. I did take anti depressants but you don't have to. You could always try some counselling or groups locally first? Like others have said I did find getting out - even though I fell SO tired, really helped. I spoke to my mum a lot and she came once a week and those days were the best as she helped, I could nap etc.

My husband to this day didn't understand. He saw how much pain I was in but couldn't understand although he tried. In his defence, I know it did ruin his experience too and I feel sad about that as it was hard for him too seeing me so low. Thats not to make you feel guilty at all - I just realise this now looking back.

It will get better - I felt it ever could but it will. Stay strong xxxx

Thanks for the hugs

I Defo won't be ttc again. The doctors told me a third child would kill me. I didn't want anymore anyway but I think that's a big thing to be told from anyone. I should be my decision if I had more children but id rather be here for the 2 I have than risk my life so you listen to the doctors.

My doctor has put a referral In for me Hun to see someone at the hospital to talk about my experience. She hopes that will help me deal with everything so I can hopefully move on and bond with my child. I hope it will. I spent years on anti depressants when I was younger for various issues I'd rather go down that route again. As I've previously said aswel I believe they mask problems and this isn't a problem that can be masked. It needs dealing with sooner rather than later.

My other half does a lot for me and my mother in law is found most days to help me out if I need it so I'm never alone. I have people I can lean on and they will allow me to go off and leave if I need to.
Luckily my other half tells me he's enjoying this time slot more than the first ( my first was poorly with allergies and screamed 20 hours a day) he just wishs I could enjoy it with him. I hope things will change very quickly cause it's really not a nice feeling as you are aware. I hope sending my eldest to nursery will help me bond with the baby when we get one on one time.

I'm so glad you are not suffering with this baby. I wouldn't wish these feelings on my worst enemy. It's horrible feeling like you don't want your own flesh and blood xx

Goodness you are not a shit mum. No way! This isn't your fault and given the choice you wouldn't feel this way.

There were days I used to just put my daughter down and walk outside. If I had gotten any worse I would have kept walking. Its great you have a lovely support and you don't have to feel guilty about that. Little steps at a time will help. A cuddle, bath time, baby massage. Its difficult to push past that barrier of not wanting to do it but increasing that bond bit by bit will really help. If you struggle so bad then stop and try again another time. You will get there, you really will. xxx

Goodness you are not a shit mum. No way! This isn't your fault and given the choice you wouldn't feel this way.

There were days I used to just put my daughter down and walk outside. If I had gotten any worse I would have kept walking. Its great you have a lovely support and you don't have to feel guilty about that. Little steps at a time will help. A cuddle, bath time, baby massage. Its difficult to push past that barrier of not wanting to do it but increasing that bond bit by bit will really help. If you struggle so bad then stop and try again another time. You will get there, you really will. xxx

Thank you. Your words of support and encouragement are really helping. Xx

Awwww thanks Hun. Only just seen this as I've not been on for a few days. Lady week arrived a little earlier than I was expecting so felt abit rubbish and full of a cold too Mentally I haven't been too bad, still waiting for my referral to come through, it's been 3 weeks now!! I'm at the hospital on the 21st with my daughter and need to pop to labour ward to see someone so I'm going to ask them about a debrief about my labour. Hopefully that will help a lot. I have so many questions I need answering. Today is a good day though, had a lovely lazy family day with other half and kiddies.

This is truly awful. I'm having good days and bad days, today is a bad day. I can't stand to be around anyone. I've been arguing with my other half all day. Apparently I'm very moody and argumentative lately, he feels like I'm constantly looking for a row. I'll be honest I can't stand to be near him right now. Everything he does or says grates on me a lot. I feel like I'm drowning with all these emotions that I don't/can't deal with. My doctor is now on holiday for 2 weeks, I won't see anyone else. And still not heard anything from the hospital about my appointment for a debrief.

Sorry I seem to be just using this thread for a rant now. It helps to get my thoughts and feelings out there. I'm not looking for a reply from anyone.

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