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Planning helps coaches, families during trying times

Ohio
Published 9:07 p.m. ET May 3, 2014

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Former Elgin varsity volleyball coach Kory Ute, wife of Newark superintendent Doug Ute, shouts encouragement from courtside during an Oct. 10 game at River Valley.
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MARION – Coaching at the high school level is a major time commitment.

John Brady, Doug Green, and Kory and Doug Ute know all about it. They’ve experienced the coaching grind in different ways through the years and know its impact on family.

Some times have been good, some not.

There does seem to be one constant theme, however. It’s all about teamwork.

John Brady

The Marion Harding head football coach saw his daughters (Cierra born in 1994, and Paige in 1995) move north to the Wynford school system in the late 1990s when he and his wife divorced.

His girls were growing up when he coached at Harding the first time as an assistant from 1995-2003, as head coach from 2004-06, then again as an assistant from 2008-10.

“I didn’t get divorced because of coaching. But both girls were in diapers when it happened and it was tough,” John Brady said. “It took its toll.”

When his girls played volleyball for Wynford, he wanted to do something.

“Coaching is a 24/7 job, especially as a head coach,” he said. “I remember when Cierra played in a seventh-grade volleyball game at Wynford and she had served 20 points in a row. When I came home, I told her she had a great game but she wasn’t excited and she said: ‘Well, you weren’t there anyway.’

“That really crushed me.”

An assistant position came open at Wynford and John Brady jumped at the chance to be around his kids.

“That was the only reason I went to Wynford,” he said. “They were in high school then and I could leave practice and watch their games. They both played varsity, even when they were younger, so I was never late. I couldn’t have done it if I had not had a deal with the coaches at Wynford.

“It was something I had to do, not only for their athletics but also for things like fun nights and academic things.”

He later got a different type of message, this time from Paige.

“When she graduated, she wrote me a note saying: ‘Thank you, dad. You never missed a contest. When I was having a bad game, I’d look at you and you would smile,’ ” John Brady said. “It’s important to be there. You don’t say you’ll be there and then don’t show up. You don’t break that promise. They will remember that.

“When I became head coach here (at Harding), I made sure my assistants got to go see their kids.”

John Brady said he and his ex-wife’s families played key roles during the time they were apart when he was coaching and their daughters were in school.

“If not for our retired grandparents, I probably wouldn’t have coached at all,” Brady said. “Our sisters, aunts and uncles were also picking the girls up and taking them places. When that happened, I knew there would not be a problem.

“The No. 1 thing is to have family support and a plan.”

Doug Green

During his coaching career, Green spent some time away from his sons Matt and Jake. He now is back with them.

Doug Green, a River Valley school district resident, coached football and taught school at Ridgedale when Matt Green was young.

He was a highly successful head coach at Ridgedale for 11 years. At the same time, Matt Green was playing youth football at River Valley.

“I would pick him up from youth practice after my practice,” Doug Green said. “Most of the parents of the kids in that class knew of the situation. It’s something you deal with. It was just one of those things.”

Doug Green then went to River Valley as an assistant football coach for three years before taking over as head coach four years ago and leading the Vikings into the playoffs.

During that time, he coached Matt Green on the high school team. Matt Green will graduate this spring.

“Coaching Matt here, that was great,” Doug Green said. “You are able to develop a whole different relationship with your son.”

Jake Green was not left out of the mix, either.

“He finds a way to be part of it as well,” Doug Green said of Jake, a sixth-grader. “He comes to practices and games. He also likes to help out with our summer things we do.

“Other dads may play golf with their kids. This is another way for me to spend time with my sons. If you are doing something your kids can also be involved with, you can mesh your time with them.

“It would be hard if the kids could not spend time with you when you are coaching.”

Doug Green admitted he’s not had a lot of time in his coaching years to spend with his wife, Jill.

Nonetheless, he said their relationship hasn’t been hurt by all of the time he puts into coaching.

“I’ve been lucky,” he said. “I’ve been married since I have been coaching, and my wife has always been a coaching wife. I have someone who understands.

“There are times when I am out of the house at 7 a.m. and don’t get back until late, like midnight or 1 a.m. on game nights, and then I’m gone at 7 a.m. the next day. There are times you don’t see your wife for 24 hours, so a lot of it depends on if your spouse understands the amount of time you have to put into the job.”

Kory and Doug Ute

Kory and Doug Ute have coached for many years.

Kory Ute resigned this spring after six seasons as the head volleyball coach at Elgin, where she is a health consultant. She is married to Doug Ute, who previously coached basketball, baseball or volleyball at three schools including Clear Fork and Buckeye Central. He is now the superintendent in Newark and the secretary of the Central District Athletic Board.

“I married someone who had a big interest in sports,” Doug Ute said.

They actually met coaching.

“I was coaching JV volleyball at Galion and he was the Clear Fork varsity volleyball coach,” Kory Ute said. “We were both coaching in a tournament at Colonel Crawford. That was 26 years ago.”

The Utes were not only busy coaching through the years, they also were raising son Doug and daughters Jocelyn, Jordy and Taryn.

“The biggest adjustment came when the kids grew, but we always maintained,” Kory Ute said. “When Taryn got to driving, she could drive the other two around.”

Doug Ute said he and Kory studied their children, realized what they liked to do and revolved their lives around those things.

“Good parents find out what their kids want to be involved in,” he said. “It could have been fishing, or hunting, but we found the kids liked to be in the gymnasium.”

That was especially true one day years ago, to the surprise of both parents.

“We lived right next to the high school when I was at Buckeye Central,” Doug Ute said. “I was at open gym one day when all of a sudden I looked up and Jocelyn (age 2 at that time) was sitting in the front row of the bleachers wearing her diaper and watching. I called home and asked Kory: ‘Are you missing one?’ ”

Their kids’ interest in sports kept them apart sometimes, but together as a family at the same time.

“A lot of times Kory would be at volleyball or basketball with some of the kids and at the same time I was somewhere else with another one playing basketball,” Doug Ute said. “We also did family vacations in the summer with sports. Our kids have enjoyed it, and I think that’s what’s been good in our family.”

Jocelyn and Taryn Ute both went on to be involved in coaching themselves, which isn’t surprising out of such an athletic-minded family.

“I can’t imagine being married to someone doing something I didn’t enjoy,” Kory Ute said. “We are still going to games. It’s our social life, the people we know.”