Me: “Unfortunately, sir, we are unable to access that machine for you. It does not belong to our bank, and you have used a machine that is not attached to another bank branch, so the card has been cancelled. I can order a new one straight away, but I need to advise you that there will be a fee.”

Customer: “No. YOU will get my card back right now, or I will go to my car, get my axe, and chop up this machine!”

Me: “Okay, sir. Go ahead.”

Customer: “What, what…? But I said that I’m going to get an axe!”

Me: “I know you did, on someone else’s ATM, so it doesn’t really affect us does it? I should let you know that I have made notes of the threat you just made, though.”

Customer: “I’ll close all my accounts! I’ll go to the branch right now.”

Me: “You WILL close your accounts, sir. And I see from your notes that this was your final warning about threatening behavior. However, I suggest that you don’t approach any branch or staff member again, as you apparently have an axe. The police will be notified the moment you step foot in any of our branches. You will be sent a cheque in the mail. Thank you for calling [Bank].”

(We had a bad storm the night before that disconnected our store’s internet which is used for the credit cards. We have signs posted on the doors and on the registers that we cannot accept credit or debit cards. We can accept only cash or checks.)

Me: “Hello. Is this for here or to go?”

Customer: “For here. I’d like to use these coupons.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I ring up his order which comes to around $35 even with the coupons. He hands me a debit card.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We cannot accept cards at the moment.”

Customer: “Well. I guess I’ll have to go elsewhere.”

Me: “Okay, sir. Sorry for the inconvenience.”

Customer: “Y’all need to have signs up for that.”

Me: “You walked past two when you walked in, sir, and there’s one right there in your face.”

(I work at a call center for a major department store’s credit card – a card you can only use in that specific store. You could also make your monthly payment for the card in person at the store. On a rare occasion this can cause a small bit of confusion to some customers.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store Name] credit. This is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I just received a bill from you for something I’ve already paid for! You need to fix this right now!”

Me: “I’m very sorry for the confusion. Let me look at your account so we can get this straightened out. It says you purchased [quite expensive item] on [date]. Do you remember purchasing this item?”

Customer: “I already told you I did, but I’ve already paid for this!”

Me: “Did you pay cash in the store, but the clerk charged your card accidentally when they entered your personal information for your warranty?”

Customer: “No! I didn’t pay cash! I put it on my card! I shouldn’t be getting a bill from you!”

Me: “So, it was charged to a different credit card, not your [Store] credit card?”

Customer: “Are you stupid? I used my [Store] credit card, but I’ve already paid for this. I’m not paying for it again!”

Me: “I apologize for asking so many questions. I just want to make sure I understand you correctly so I can solve your problem. You used your [Store] credit card to make the purchase. Did you also make a payment to your card in the store?”

Customer: “Why would I do that? I already paid for it WITH my card! Why would I give you any more money?”

Me: “Ma’am, you do understand that when you pay for an item with your credit card, you’re signing an agreement to pay for your purchase later? A credit card is sort of like a loan so you can make the purchase you want today, and then make small payments on it over time.”

Customer: “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard! What’s the point of having a credit card if I still have to pay for what I’m buying?!”