Thursday, August 22, 2013

So you want to be a writer.

I spent some time at the bookstore the other day, because as I may have mentioned, I have something of a problem saying no to pages with words on them.

Like many people who blog, I've always loved writing. Few things in my life would make me happier than being a Writer [note the CAPITAL W. That means it's for real, bitches.]. Maybe being a Writer and making it with David Beckham. But even that . . . well, maybe at least once.

Anyway, like many people who want to be Writers, I struggle sometimes with the actual writing part of it. I worry that my words aren't flowing as they should be, that I don't have any original thoughts worth putting on paper [or in my computer].

And then I go to the bookstore and see that you don't actually have to have an original thought. Truly. Just graft your poorly formed thoughts onto another actual writer's idea and go from there. It's an homage!

I was looking for something new to read and came across the following books:

Mr. Darcy, Vampire
The Ladies of Longbourn
Call Me Zelda

I didn't read any of them because obviously. And I am not linking to any of them, because are you fucking kidding me?

ANYWAY, while I do have an essay in a book [HINT! LOOK OVER THERE ON THE SIDEBAR! >>>], I am also in the process of the following writerly endeavors:

Editing a truly terrible manuscript I wrote 7-8 years ago and am so mortified by that I can only look at it on my computer screen with my head turned to the side, slitty-eyed, so the full awfulness of it doesn't hit my brain head-on. I also make sure that there is no other sentient being the in the room with me when I open the document, because the sheer pomposity of the words is so embarrassing that I can't chance anyone seeing it, even for a second, lest I die of shame. This includes minimizing the screen when the cats saunter by, because if you've ever had a cat give you a look of pity, you know your only recourse is to climb back into bed and hope you have a satisfying career of not using words ahead of you.

Finishing a novel I started 6 or so years ago, which is not nearly as terrible as the manuscript, and may actually have some good parts, but doesn't really have a plot. Ish. I mean, it's got a general plot, but getting there? I have no idea.

Working on a memoir because WHO DOESN'T want to know all about me and my life?

Tossing around a screenplay idea, because they only run like 120 pages and it's mostly dialog, which I am good at.

So what I'm saying is that while I've not been the most regular correspondent in the virtual world, I'm trying to put some stuff together that will make us all happier and create world peace and also make it rain kittens.

What have you been up to? And do you want to look at these really cool office supplies that I think will make us all better writers?

Huh. I usually get depressed in bookstores looking at all the brilliant published people. It never occurred to me that I could look at it the other way. AT LEAST I HAVEN'T PUBLISHED SOMETHING BARF-WORTHY. Thanks for that.