Hello everyone, and welcome to a special edition of WWE Velocity. Why is it so special, because I’m filling in for Keith this week. Supposedly he’s moving to a new city, but I don’t buy it. I’m thinking that he’s going to be at a Kevin Nash Fan Club weekend retreat, and won’t be around for Velocity. Regardless, let’s get started.

VELOCITY RECAP

Funaki vs. John Cena

Cena starts off with one of his patented raps and busts on everyone. He even makes a reference to Lanny Poffo. The match opens with Cena offering his hand to Funaki as a sign of “sportsmanship.” Cena pulls the oldest heel trick in the book, and goes for a clothesline instead, but Funaki ducks under and starts off with a flying Mexican head scissors. Funaki with a sidekick, but Cena reverses his offense and goes on the attack. He lays on a barrage of kicks and a vertical delayed suplex for a two count. Front facelock by Cena, which Funaki reverses with a neck breaker and a bulldog. Big boot to the face by Funaki and a jumping, swinging DDT for a two count. Funaki goes for a crucifix, but Cena catches him and hits the Death Valley Driver for the victory.

Winner by pinfall: John Cena

A-Train vs. Orlando Jordan

A-Train opens the match by running in and throwing two chairs into the ring and then tipping both sets of stairs over. Arm bar by Jordan to start the match, followed by some punches to the face. A-Train with a head but and tries for a back body drop, but Jordan flips over his back, lands on his feet and hits a clothesline. Jordan avoids a big boot, but is shoulder tackled by Albert. Albert goes on a violent attack with some punches and hits a splash into the corner for a two count. A-Train locks on a bear hug for a little while until Jordan breaks the hold by biting the head of A-Train. Dropkick by Jordan and a drop toe-hold, as well as an Enziguri and some punches. Albert stops the punches by trying for the derailer powerbomb, but Jordan breaks the hold with a kick to the face. High cross body by Jordan for a two count. Jordan hits some boxing punches, but Albert hits the Train Wreck for the pin and the win.

Winner by pinfall: A-Train

Flashback to Smackdown

Footage is shown of Zach Gowen and Sable in her office.

Backstage

Matt Hardy is backstage talking to the Basham Brothers, telling them to rough up Shannon Moore and Crash.

Matt Hardy (Version 1.0) vs. Paul London

Matt Fact: Matt digs tortilla soup. Collar – elbow tie-up to open the match, followed by a deep arm drag by the founder of Mattitude. They exchange arm bars and a head scissors by Paul London for a two count. Hardy delivers some elbows to the neck of the newcomer and a Side Effect. Hardy chokes London for a few minutes on the ropes and then jumps on his back for a two count. Matt Hardy then looks like he is almost setting up for a Splash Mountain Bomb, but turns it into a spinning airplane neckbreaker. I’ve never seen a move like that before. Surfboard armbar by Hardy, but London breaks the hold with a reverse type dropkick, followed up by a spinning heel kick and a springboard flying burrito. Dropkick by the newcomer, as he flips in midair on the landing, so he lands facing his opponent rather than landing away from them. Very innovative. Springboard second rope moonsault by London for a two count, followed by a missed SSP. Hardy hits the Twist of Fate, but does not cover him, as he sets up for another Twist of Fate for the three count.

Winner by pinfall: Matt Hardy (version 1.0)

Flashback to Smackdown

The ring breaking on Smackdown two weeks ago is shown, as is the match between Lesnar and Big Show.

Mattitude Followers vs. The Basham Brothers (with Linda Miles)

Crash opens the match against Basham #1. They take the Matt Hardy book away from Crash and hand it to Linda Miles, who proceeds to rip up the book. Quick tags by the MF’ers as they go to work on Basham #2. The Bashams quickly go to work on Crash as Linda Miles approves from outside the ring. While the ref has his back turned, the two tag teams exchange rollups that the ref doesn’t see in a relatively humorous bit. Hot tag by Crash to Shannon Moore who clears out the ring. Shannon hits a maneuver that Josh calls the Pay Low, which looks remarkably like a Swanton. The Bashams hit a side Russian leg-sweep, in unison with a clothesline as the new comers get the three count.

Winners by pinfall: The Basham Brothers

VELOCITY REVIEW

Funaki vs. John Cena

John Cena rules!!!! His rap to start the match was so good! This guy gets better everytime I see him wrestle. The crowd is definitely starting to respond positively to him, and it’s great how they are already finishing his raps for him. Funaki actually got to get some offense in also, which is pretty cool. I really like the swinging DDT that he uses. If he ever got over I wouldn’t mind seeing him use that as a finisher, as it’s a pretty cool maneuver.

A-Train vs. Orlando Jordan

Albert came down to the ring and threw a temper tantrum, tossing some chairs into the ring and kicking over the steps up to the ring. Overall this wasn’t a bad match, I’m not too sure how I feel about Orlando Jones and that whole boxing thing. Punches in wrestling look unrealistic as it is.

Flashback to Smackdown

I really hope that there is a payoff to this whole Zach Gowen/Mr. America/Vince McMahon/Steph angle, because right now it’s doing nothing but wasting my time. And is it just me, or is Stephanie getting uglier by the week? And how about that acting job she did? Saying that her father pimped her out when she was 17, that was horrible stuff right there.

Backstage

Linda Miles is playing a dominatrix? Gross.

Matt Hardy (version 1.0) vs. Paul London

A new wrestler! Paul London has got some serious moves I must say. He went for a Shooting Star Press and it looked like he got really high in the air. He’s very innovative. He’ll be on Velocity for a while I hope, because he’s got some serious potential. Matt Hardy rules also. I really liked the swinging airplane neckbreaker he used.

Flashback to Smackdown

Now Kurt Angle rules!!! It is so good to see him back.

Mattitude Followers vs. The Basham Brothers

I’m so tired right now, and this match wasn’t all that interesting, so I don’t have much to say about it, aside for the fact that I’m very unsure of who was supposed to be the good guys and who was supposed to be the bad guys. I’m really not sure what the point of Linda Miles is either.

Well, overall, Velocity was pretty cool tonight. There was a new wrestler, Matt Hardy and John Cena. . Very good show. That’s all for now kids, I’ll be around to write my Heat recap, probably tomorrow, as I’m about to pass out. Until then……