GUEST COLUMNIST: Make your wishes known regarding funeral, burial

One common reason for avoiding basic estate planning is assuming that family members or friends already know exactly what you want.

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By Bonnie Kraham

recordonline.com

By Bonnie Kraham

Posted May. 9, 2013 at 2:00 AM

By Bonnie Kraham

Posted May. 9, 2013 at 2:00 AM

» Social News

One common reason for avoiding basic estate planning is assuming that family members or friends already know exactly what you want.

However, you have no assurance about what will happen after you die, unless you leave specific directions with legal backing. Such directions often apply to the distribution of property, but they may also apply to more ceremonial aspects, such as funeral and burial wishes.

For many, religion, faith or cultural customs guide final arrangements. From deciding what to do with remains to choosing where to be buried, it is critical that desires be set forth clearly. It is a mistake to underestimate the significance of these details or the in-fighting that may ensue where there is disagreement among loved ones regarding your funeral and burial.

One recent example of burial-place ambiguity is the disagreement over the remains of King Richard III, an Englishman immortalized by Shakespeare as a villain. Researchers found the remains last year buried under a parking lot, and they identified them earlier this year.

The king's unceremonious burial took place more than 500 years ago. A feud now brews over the preferred burial location. Leaders of the Town of Leicester, the location of the bones, took steps to bury him in that city's cathedral.

Distant relatives of King Richard III, along with the nearby City of York, objected and argued that York was his hometown and should be his final resting place.

Other notable fights have erupted over control of burial details. Gary Coleman, of TV show "Diff'rent Strokes" fame, died in 2010. His estranged parents, ex-wife and ex-girlfriend battled for control of his ashes. More than two years after his death, a judge chose his ex-girlfriend/executor to control his remains.

Last year, in another case, Robert Kennedy Jr. won a legal battle to bury his wife, Mary Kennedy, in Massachusetts, rather than in New York, as desired by her siblings.

A will is not the best place to include your funeral and burial instructions. Your loved ones may not know where the document is or may not read it in time to honor your wishes. Instead, write, sign and date a simple statement of your wishes. Give the statement to your trustee and/or executor, and possibly give copies to key family members and friends to avoid confusion.

Under New York's Public Health Law, you may also fill out a form titled "Appointment of Agent To Control Disposition of Remains," which allows you to appoint an agent and successor agents to control your remains. If you haven't completed the form, the following people, by law, in descending order, have the right to control your remains: spouse, domestic partner, children, other family members — and the list includes others.

As always, a failure to plan may lead to unanticipated and unwanted turmoil.

Bonnie Kraham is an attorney practicing elder law estate planning with Ettinger Law Firm, 75 Crystal Run Road, Town of Wallkill. She can be reached at 692-8700, ext. 119, or at bkraham@trustlaw.com. This column is intended to provide general information, not legal advice.