Who claps when you win? Pay Attention.

Genuine friendship. Something so HARD to find. It seems that either you have some people in your life that you consider a “friend” and they are not genuine most of the time, OR you have strangers who aren’t considered a friend; who are exceptionally genuine and loyal. Then God decides to bless you one day with one or maybe a few, GREAT women who are every bit of loyal and in your corner. These are the people you should honor and pay attention too. These are your FRIENDS.

Taraji P. Henson. Not only is she a phenomenal actress, she has schooled all women in the area of being supportive to your friends. I don’t know her personally of course, but from what I do see, she is not a hater. She comes off as a loyal, real, straight forward woman. During last weeks Emmy win for Viola Davis and Regina King, Taraji taught us what women supporting other women looks like. She exemplified the type of friend who claps when you win! Do we have friends like this in our lives? Friends who are quick to celebrate you and whatever great accomplishments you embark on? Friends who without a shadow of a doubt; ARE ALWAYS THERE?

These women are not perfect, but they have displayed character that shows you they are on your team. These women deserve recognition from you because they do not come a dime a dozen. They are the once in a lifetime finds. The one you don’t have to worry about looking over your shoulder at your man. The one who will take that dramatic call from you 3am in the morning, or who will listen to you vent about the same thing over and over. The one who will talk you through your failures and help you see the light at the end of the tunnel. The one who wont slander your name behind close doors. The one who wont come back to you saying “so and so was talking about you”, because she nipped that in the bud on spot! The one who rides for you but keeps it honest. The one who sees you doing better than them in areas, but finds a way to still encourage you and not be salty in the midst of your joy. The one who PRAYS with you. The one who when you finally get your life together and start winning, is sitting right on the front row cheering you on…AND IT’S GENUINE.

This type of friend is RARE to say the least, but life has a way of bringing you some jewels along the way that will be your golden team, your true few. For me personally, to say I LOVE my friends is an understatement! They are NOT haters and they cheer me on when I win! I do the same for them, that’s what TRUE friendship is about. Have I always had these type of women in my corner? NO. Have I always been this type of friend? NO. Immaturity coupled with a lot of other things prevented me at one time from being a great friend to people who loved me. I didn’t fully know how to be a good friend at one point because of betrayal and drama from past catty relationships. This caused me to be very untrusting, selfish and skeptical of new friendships. I thank God that he guided me to great friendship’s; and how to be one, with like-minded women who aspire to grow in every area of life. My team is solid. The greatest test of a persons loyalty and friendship is to see how they react when you have been blessed with what they want, or think they deserve. My example of learning who was TRULY in my corner, was during my wedding planning. A time that is supposed to be FULL of JOY, was full of surprises and true colors being thrown around like a 5k color run.

I mean people were showing their behinds to put it nicely. Family included. It was hard for me to be Christ like in those situations initially. I was so let down by it for a while, but God reminded me “This is what you prayed for. This is what you asked me to show you when you asked to have a drama free wedding day. When you asked for only people to be in attendance who were truly in support of your happiness and new journey. Those people were there, you prayed for it and I provided it.” Once I reflected on THAT, I knew God was on to something. My wedding day was full of joy and love. A celebration of love with the man I would share our first kiss ever with! (Yes we waited until our wedding day to kiss; only by the grace of God)

There were people there who were rooting for us that I didn’t even have that long of a history with! Shows you that someone who you just meet can have greater intentions for you, than someone you may have known for years! There were people I have known for years who were no call, no-show. I took it upon myself ( after getting over my hurt feelings) to pray for these individuals. I say this because you never know what someone is dealing with inside. No matter what wrong was done to me, my job as a believer is to love them, treat them with kindness and not react nasty if they ever came back to me. (I do advise you to use wisdom in this though.)

My point here is I took notice of the people who were there rooting for me. The ones who couldn’t make it for particular reasons but made sure to follow-up. The ones who knew my husband and I were moving to a new state and had to have a small budget wedding, but didn’t complain or criticize us. The friends who understood we couldn’t invite all the people we loved and weren’t salty about it. The friends who didn’t complain about us not having a bridal party, but flew and drove from various places to see the most important part; us making a covenant before God. The people who knew how long I prayed and waited (even through failed attempts) for a great husband. They all were there to clap and cheer for us! I will never forget that day.

When I saw how Taraji treated those women when they made huge wins for that night, I couldn’t help but think of all my friends. They have been there just like that for me many times. I pay attention, you should too. Paying attention to these people will help you appreciate them more. It will also set a standard for you of what kind of friend you want to be to others. Furthermore, it will help you KNOW what type of friends you don’t need in your INNER CIRCLE. Anyone who calls you a friend who cannot support you in the huge moments of your life; or celebrate you in any way for small victories, doesn’t deserve the title. There is already enough division and unnecessary cattiness amongst women, there needs to be change, a movement of support and love. Women who genuinely support other women.

So how can we make sure we pay attention and honor the women in our life who support our journey and clap when we win?

*Be there for them as much as they are there for you, or even more.

*Call to genuinely check on them, not to check off a to do list item.

*When they are excited about a new journey, ride with them. Don’t sit on the sideline lurking.

*Share, repost, and talk positively about their brands, businesses or latest venture.

*When they are happy, join in the party, don’t be a Debby downer.

*When the spotlight is on them, LET IT BE on them! Don’t selfishly try to steal the shine because you can’t stand something NOT being about you.

CLAP WHEN THEY WIN!

Ladies, let’s be examples. Let us be the ones who support other women with love and genuine kindness.

Thank you for this beautiful post! It is crazy how you get to a certain age and you find out who your true friends and you want to empower and lift your ride or die online and IRL friends. Your suggestions will help me a better supporter but your post awakened me to those that have never truly been in my corner. Sending you love and light!

Thank you so much! So glad that this blog spoke to you and was able to help in any way! It is so true that when we get to certain ages it seems like a light bulb goes off and we see A LOT of things more clearly. God bless!

Wow! This came up in my news feed on Facebook and the title caught my interest! You did an amazing job on writing this! The article is on point and can be applied to everyone. We all have to pay attention to those around us. We have to recognize who is our real friends. We have to support each other. No haters. Teamwork = success! Again, well done on this article!

Love your feedback Ed! So glad that my blog popped up on your newsfeed! Everything you stated about friends is SO true. Teamwork indeed equals success! Thank you for the compliments, I really appreciate them! God Bless!

LORD! You hit the NAIL on the HEAD with this one. I am 11 days out my from wedding and YOU JUST BLESSED ME tremendously! The saints, the ain’ts, the family, friends and pseudos have showed their collective rear-ends to me! But for the Grace of God am I still standing and locked up. I shared on my Facebook! Thanks so much! And as I shared, let ME please BE the type of woman who can CLAP when OTHERS win!

God Bless you Candace! I know how that can be! So glad that you were able to read and reflect on your own exp. I am happy to hear that you didn’t allow it to ruin YOU as a woman, keep holding strong an running YOUR race. God will keep the ppl around who mean you well! 🙂 Thank you for sharing!!

Thank you so much for sharing this! I was reading this with tears of joy in my eyes because I feel like I have this now! I feel the breakthrough in friendship that I longed for with women outside of my sisters (with whom I’m very close). I took a deep breath after reading your post not a sigh but a refreshing deep breath full of joy for the wonderful relationships I now have!
THANK YOU!
Shari

I absolutely love this and it is what every woman should have: Genuine and selfless friendships! I give you so many props on how beautiful and faithfilled your relationship is. May you be blessed endlessly. Marriage is beautiful 🙂

Thank you so much! Yes you are right, unfortunately there just are some women who don’t get it and those are the women we should pray for their hearts to be softened and changed. Glad you stopped by! 🙂

Excellent blog, Katondra. Taraji’s response reminds me of when Cher beat out Meryl Streep for the Oscar a good number of years ago. When Cher’s name was called, Meryl reacted with such joy that you would have thought SHE had won. Hollywood needs more wonderful people like Taraji and Meryl. EXCELLENT writing, Katonda!

This article was great! It has made me realize I could be a better friend and also the people that don’t clap for me are merely bystanders on what God is going to do in my life. Hey, He did say he would prepare a table before me in the presence of…so I’m even more grateful for my friends and my non-clappers after reading this post. Awesome job!

Love your article! My mother was my biggest cheerleader in my life, and I miss that tremdously, since her passing. But your article reminded me that I still have a few true friends.who have always been there for me, and for that I’m thankful!