You Definitely Have Friends in Open Relationships

First, a clarification: "Open relationship" for our purposes refers to any relationship where it is explicitly and consensually negotiated that the couple will not be exclusive with one another—this umbrella term includes swingers, polyamory, and friends with benefits.

Why should you consider an open relationship? Well, maybe you shouldn't.

A recent, cross-national study of over 8,700 people found that 21 percent of single people reported having an open relationship at some point in their lives. Surprised? We were. That's one out of five people, statistically enough to count a friend or coworker among them.

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But that number needs some context.

The data comes from two separate studies, each of single people, who by virtue of being unmarried and/or divorced are already less conservative and less religious on the relationship spectrum. "People who are more liberal and more sexually experienced are just by their nature more likely to have experienced some sort of open relationship," Dr. Zhana Vrangalova, a sex researcher and adjunct professor of human sexuality at NYU, told Esquire.

21 percent of single people reported having an open relationship at some point in their lives.

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The researchers used a very open (ha) definition of "open relationship" as well. It could include functioning, long term non-monogamy and friends with benefits, which is far less serious.

Still, one in five is significant, and enough to feel less queasy about the prospect.

Long term open relationships work bests when love and sex are considered beasts of a different nature. It's a way to address chinks in your relationship.

"You feel safe with someone you've been together with for a long time, but the excitement factor is not as strong," said Vrangalova. "This is one way to maintain that sort of sexual and romantic excitement that some people crave."

Take away the societal stigma and skepticism, and it makes perfect sense.

"[People] don't think they can expect all of their needs to be met, whether sexual or social or emotional or whatever, by one partner," she said. "It's almost unfair to ask that one partner to be everything to you."

"It's almost unfair to ask that one partner to be everything to you."

Most importantly, it has to be something you both want. Not all personality types are equipped to handle open relationships. If your partner says, as Vrangalova put it, "Honey, I'm going to go out today and meet up with my fuck buddy," you have to be cool with that. Hence the "consensual" thing.

So weigh your relationship needs and your sexual needs. Weigh the social implications with your personal pleasure. Talk about it with your partner. Then, jump in. Or not.