People often tell me they’re tired of being a DoorMat and want to be like me. They ask how can they follow in my footsteps? I’ll give as many tools here in my blog and my books for you to work with to make your journey out of DoorMatville. But what you actually need and must do is your personal choice. We all have our unique, individual issues that got us into people pleasing mode.

So each of you must map out your personal, unique journey into self.

I call it a journey into self because in order to get out of the pattern you’re in, you must go within to learn about yourself and decide what you really want. The reasons I became a DoorMat are probably not the same as yours, exactly. Insecurity comes from a gazillion directions. Even if you have body image issues, they are at least somewhat different than mine were. You may recognize many things in my stories but you still have your own personal twist on what you feel.

Since each of us is a unique individual, each journey will be unique in some ways.

That’s good, because in order to take your journey, you must first recognize that you are a unique individual, which makes you special for that on its own. Our culture encourages clones of the perfect people we see in the media, so we strive to be them, instead of developing into the powerful unique person that each of us has the power to be. You may have seen Gwyneth Paltrow on a red carpet just after giving birth and felt low for not being in such great shape yourself.

After all, if she can look that great weeks after being pregnant, I should be able to be perfectly svelte too!

You might change your mind if you heard her interview about how she had to pour her body into Spanx that could hold all the jiggly bits in place. Spanx types of products come in all different shapes to hold every part necessary to the tightest place it can go. Trust me, most celebs have the same jiggly bits you do. Most people can’t escape genetics. Even men wear Spanx these days! So when they go home and get undressed, they aren’t so perfect.

Chasing what you envy in others doesn’t create an inner journey, which is what’s necessary for self-love and strong self-esteem.

When you make the decision to leave DoorMatville, look inside of you and recognize all the unique beauty that’s your own. Play your good qualities up. If you’re going out and want your body to look as good as possible, wear Spanx under your clothing to accentuate your shape. That’s you working with what you have instead of hating yourself for what you’re not.

Focus on being the best you can be for who you are and what you have.

I have a very large, solid bone structure and hated it growing up. I’ll never be a size 4, no matter how much weight I lose or kill myself with exercise. Now that I’ve accepted it, I work with it and try to look my best in whatever size works for me. I eat healthy as much as possible, and exercise–all for my good health–not to be like anyone else. And I love me for that now! And I found a good benefit in my dense, large bone structure. I am very unlikely to develop osteoporosis as I age because of my solid bones. So what I hated turned into a blessing!

Own yourself–as you are. Affirm, “I love and accept myself AS I AM!” as much as you can.

Even if you don’t believe it, do it. Eventually it will sink in if you say it enough. Take your own, unique path our of DoorMatville. Use my tools to be the best YOU can be with what YOU already have. The more you love yourself, the easier it gets to be comfortable in your own skin. Recognize your uniqueness, affirm, “I love and accept myself AS I AM!” as much as you can, do your best to take good care of your health and fitness, and use that to be a ticket on the love train out of DoorMatville!

About Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Welcome to my self-empowerment blog. I used to be a wimp and never got taken seriously. When I became one of the first women to start a record label, I learned to navigate the male dominated music industry and earned respect, without raising my voice or getting overtly tough. I transferred those skills into all areas of life and now get what I want from most people. I'll share those lessons here by talking about my observations of situations and habits that hold both men and women back from being as empowered as possible. I'll also give tips for more effective communication, handling yourself with more confidence, and in general, how to come across as more serious--whether it's at work, dealing with an annoying phone company, your mother, a romantic partner and anyone else you want to feel more in control with. Everybody can use more tools for taking control of their lives, like in my latest book, Nice Girls Can Finish First.

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Daylle Deanna Schwartz

Daylle Deanna Schwartz is a speaker, self-empowerment counselor, best-selling author of 15 books, including Nice Girls Can Finish First (McGraw-Hill), All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise and founder of The Self-Love Movement™ where she's giving away her 13th book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men¹s Health.

After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal!

Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.