Gift lists help preserve family friendships

My mom wants to write up a “gift list” or what her lawyer
calls a “Personal Property Memorandum.” Can you tell me what this is all
about?

First off, this type of document is a very good idea, and
your mom actually doesn’t need a lawyer to write it or update it. If she
does have a family lawyer, however, she’d be wise to give him or her a
copy, so it’s on file with your mother’s will. That way there will be no
dispute as to the legitimacy and whereabouts of her “gift list” when
the time comes.

So what are we talking about? In addition to a will, some people
might write a “Memorandum of Tangible Personal Property,” also known as a
“Personal Property Memorandum” or quite simply a “gift list.” This is
an informal memorandum that describes your parents’ wishes to distribute
tangible properties such as jewelry, household furniture, dishes,
books, paintings, hobby artifacts (such as a baseball card collection),
and pets that are not listed in the will for disposition. It does not
include dispersing funds or real estate such as land or a house.

The memorandum is a convenient tool for people to list and
distribute small personal effects without needing to go back and change
their will should they change their mind, circumstances change or they
acquire additional items that they want to pass down to a specific heir.

“It’s an excellent tool that can preserve family relationships. I
caution people to describe each item as clearly as possible so that the
estate distribution is made as smoothly and agreeable to the
beneficiaries as possible,” Brown said.

For example, if your mom is giving her engagement ring to one of her
daughters, then describe it in detail as in, “my gold ring with the
five centered diamonds surrounded by two half-carat rubies.”

Brown also recommends that it’s a nice touch to explain the meaning
behind each piece listed along with the reason of its importance to the
giver.

For example, “I’m giving my 10-piece antique silver tea set to my
sister, Mary Grace Colvin of Camp Hill, Pa. I received the set from my
grandmother Emma Scully who brought it from Ireland when she came here
in the late 1800s.”

If your parents write a personal property memorandum, some states
(including Pennsylvania) require that it must be referenced in their
most recently dated will to make it valid. Your parents may make
subsequent changes to the memorandum and when they do, they must sign
and date it. Brown warns clients to play it safe and send a copy to the
lawyer who drafted their will with a note stating that this is your most
current “Gift List.” And for extra measure, ask someone to witness it.

In Pennsylvania, the law does not require a witness, but Brown finds
it doesn’t hurt, especially, when there might be dissent within the
family. It does not need to be notarized. Be sure it’s in a place that
the executor knows of along with the will and other legal and financial
documents.

A Personal Property Memorandum provides an extra ounce of prevention
against family disputes over the “small stuff.” Advise your parents to
identify who gets what heirlooms and simply don’t let everyone just sort
it out. Each recipient should be identified by his or her full legal
name, address and relationship to your parent. Many an estate lawyer
will tell you that the most bitter family feuds are over seemingly
insignificant items, like a small piece of worn furniture, a set of old
dishes or an inexpensive piece of jewelry. It’s usually something that a
family member feels a strong attachment toward, and for the person it’s
priceless and worth arguing over.

If your parents have thoughtfully identified something that they
want each family member to have, it might help their children and
relatives remain friends and keep them from arguing over who gets the
ceramic mug collection, no matter how chipped it might be.

Email Linda Rhodes at rhodescaregiving@gmail.com or visit her Web page
at lindarhodescaregiving.com and click on “Email a Question.”

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