Experts Help Online Daters

Writers Fine-tune Self-descriptions

After a month as a member of the online dating sites eHarmony and American Singles, Jerry McGahan hadn't connected with even one woman.

``I could send 50 e-mails and there wasn't anything coming back,'' says McGahan, 41, of Kingston, N.Y. He stumbled on a solution while surfing the Internet.

The website, profiledoctor.com, advertised that it helps clients create an online profile that accurately reflects their personality, and that leads to better dates. An editor there suggested improvements to McGahan's online profile, and he re-posted it.

``Things started to change about three days after,'' says McGahan.

With so many people dating online -- 29 million according to a May report by the Online Publishers Association -- it's just not as simple as describing your likes and dislikes. Daters need to set themselves apart from scores of others, and many are willing to pay up to $300 for the help.

Enter profiledoctor.com, personalstrainer.com and e-cyrano.com. These sites offer suggestions to make online profiles reflect a client's personality more accurately, and favorably, right down to the grammar. These new businesses are tapping into a $449.5 million industry that their founders say will make online sites more prosperous because members will be happier with their dates.

But is it really necessary?

``Before you can even go on the date with someone, you have to get them to read your profile,'' says Jesse Keller, founder of personalstrainer.com. ``It's surprisingly difficult.''

The dating coaches who offer the critiques are not typical romance experts. Most of them are writers and editors whose job it is to get the client's personality onto the webpage in two or three paragraphs.

After McGahan submitted his profile, he got these suggestions:

``Talking about how your life relates to your interest in computers was a good move. However, you might want to remove the sentence about not being married to computers and talk more about yourself. How about something mundane but perhaps important to potential matches? Are you an early riser? What else do you do in Kingston when you're not working or at a BBQ? Are you a Dilbert fan or Peanuts? How about mentioning a favorite band? Get two tickets to a show and ask if they want to go with you. ... [Referring to]`While I love my line of work.' make sure to run your entire ad through the grammar checker!''

There are several levels of assistance, ranging from a critique of an already written profile to practically having one written for you. Prices range from about $25 to $300. The most expensive is offered at personalstrainer.com by ``star trainers'' including Lynn Harris, creator of girl.net, and Dr. Judy, author of ``The Complete Idiot's Guide to Dating.''

Jessica Holmes is one of the profile editors at profiledoctor.com. A graduate student in historical preservation at Cornell University, Holmes never has direct contact with clients. She receives the person's written profile along with other elements of the questionnaire, such as dating goals and the type of person they're looking for. She also offers advice on choosing a screen name, which makes an important first impression. She returns the critique via e-mail.

``A lot of people say they care about their friends and family,'' says Holmes. ``That's sort of a given. I need to weed out [what they are trying to say] from the rest of what they're saying. Do they live far away from their family, [so] now their friends are their family? We point out cliches. If someone says they're really adventurous, why don't we tell potential matches about how they spend time with friends?''

Aside from poor grammar and spelling, the most common mistake is not being specific enough.

``People love to lead off with a big string of adjectives like, `I'm funny, easygoing, and I like to try new things,''' says Keller. ``Those words could just as easily apply to the next person. What you're trying to do is create a distinction. You're trying to connect with someone that maybe someone else wouldn't connect with.''

McGahan's editors recommended that he state more specifically what his interests are. They also suggested asking a question, such as, ``Do you like to hike?'' He connected with two women in September and has been chatting with them since. He's hesitant about asking them out, however, because, ``If I push too hard, I get an automatic no.''

``We're big proponents of sending profiles to a friend or to a professional site,'' says Sandra Cordova Micek, director of marketing for Yahoo! Personals. ``It's not the quantity of responses; it's the quality.''

David Evans created profiledoctor after meeting his roommates' dates. Several told him that his ad didn't accurately reflect his personality. Evans started tinkering with the profiles, resulting in better dates for everyone. The idea spread through word of mouth, and he launched the company last April.

Here's part of Evans' profile, which was worked over several times by his staff: ``I've jumped out of a perfectly good airplane, advanced scuba, bike riding, love to run along the Charles and when it's cold there is nothing better than carving fresh powder. ... Liberal-minded, I always use turn signals and am able to navigate the Big Dig.''