5 Pieces Of Marriage “Advice” That Are Actually Total BS

Before we got married, my father-in-law paid for my husband and I to attend a marriage conference. This gesture was made purely out of love for us and out of a desire to have our marriage start on the best foot possible. But at the end of the conference, Dave and I had decided that the best part about the conference was eating at a steakhouse a few blocks away from the conference hotel.

When you enter into marriage people are full of well-meant advice. Friends, family, that nice lady at Target helping you with your registry. All of which we ignored and don’t regret it for a moment. Here are the top five pieces of advice that we are glad we forgot.

1. Don’t go to sleep angry. No, you know what, do it. Sometimes it’s OK to simmer in your anger a little bit. Going to sleep angry gives you a breather, it allows you to find fresh perspective and remind you that whatever you are fighting about isn’t more important that that person you married or their feelings.

2. Use phrases like “I feel” rather than “This is how it is.” I married an engineer. When I try to use that kind of feeling language—laguage that says, “When you forget to put away your socks it makes me feel unloved,”—it does not make sense to him. Once, when I told him that him forgetting to wipe the counters made me feel like he didn’t respect me, he laughed, “They are counters. Don’t feel that way.” Now, I simply ask him to help me out and give him a list of tasks he can choose from. Sure, sometimes “feeling” language comes in handy in a fight, when rather than accusing him of being insensitive I can say it “feels” like he is insensitive (Note: He isn’t). But for everyday small things, sometimes it works best just to ask for help and forget the psycho-babble lecture.