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Welcome to my blog!

Blogs. This format is still very foreign to me. Let's see how this goes.

I was never one to write down my thoughts growing up. I had one journal that I can remember - a Harry Potter Quidditch journal, no less - but it always felt forced for me to write in it. I just remember jotting down a couple of random factoids about my day and I ended every entry with "I hope I get my Hogwart's letter soon!"

It would have been adorable if I had been in pre-school, not 5th grade, but the superfan runs deep in my blood it seems.

But jumping forward, here I am in my office, age 26 and in my 21st year of school (soon to be 22nd), writing my first real journal entry of my life. I'm a late bloomer it seems.

On the horizon I have my second round of qualifying exams looming over me. The prep work for the exam has mostly been completed. I know ~mostly~ of what I will be proposing to my committee. I have the committee members cherry-picked to fit all the many facets of my project, but while all also being professors that I trust. And lastly, I have the day and time narrowed down to a single week in the beginning of June. But as for the manuscript that I'm supposed to get to them 3 weeks ahead of the exam...well, that's still MIA.

I guess I should be working on that. Though, for whatever reason, I find myself resisting the actual process of researching my topic, formulating my ideas, and writing them down long-form. But this isn't unusual for me, I do this with EVERYTHING. I honestly have no idea why I resist my actual work so much, but I jump at the chance to help anyone else with what they're working on. Once some work becomes 'mine', I lose all interest in it. There's probably some psychological reason for that, but that's not really my field.

I always get my things done though. Usually at the 11th hour, but they always come together in a way that is somewhat miraculous. And part of me is metaphorically kicking myself for never. learning. my. lesson. Though on the other hand, my insane strategy for work and procrastination has gotten me this far in life, so the other half of my brain is telling me "you do you".

I think the main reason that I'd change my procrastinatory ways is not fear of failure, but rather to ease the stress; I always get my stuff done, but damn if it's not a wild ride. And I do not handle stress well. I get jumpy, on-edge, and ever-so-slightly catatonic.

Though alas, lets use this blog as a new jumping off point - a changing of the times where I am more proactive about my responsibilities rather than reactive. This year has been one of personal growth for me both physically and mentally, so let us continue that trajectory forward academically.

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