After making such
progress since Kyle's death, it was surprisingly easy to slip back
into depression, thanks to the news from Daniel. I wonder, if Kyle
hadn't died, how long he would've stayed with me.

Would he have left me
the next day, or months later, when his baby was born? .. And would
the baby be born now? Was it a boy, or a girl, and did it look like
Kyle? God, I had so many questions, and no one to answer them.

Unless, of course, I
played detective.

I went into the
kitchen, quite drunk by this point, and rifled through the bill
drawer, looking for Kyle's cell phone bill. I couldn't check his
cell phone – it was totaled in the accident, along with the car
itself.

I figured if he'd
been dating her for months, he must've called her a lot on his cell
phone. Isn't this what they did on all those crappy CSI shows?
Check the cell phone bill for frequently called numbers?

Let's see. There was
our home number – he'd call it on the way home or from the bar to
let me know he'd be late coming home. My stomach clenched as I saw
our home number become less and less frequent, and this other number
showing up more and more. It had to be her.

I was going to phone
it, but I couldn't bring myself to do so. I just didn't have the
courage.. What would I say to her? What the hell could I possibly say
to someone who was fucking around with –my- boyfriend?

.. Is it just me, or am
I sounding more and more like some upset girl on Maury or Oprah or
something?

So I gave up and
crumpled the bill up, tossing it into the garbage, and ordered myself
some Chinese food. If I had to be depressed, at least I could be full
and physically content, even if I was emotionally wrecked.

I heard a knock at the
door, and my eyes flicked to the clock. 'Damn. Sure didn't take
long.. I only ordered ten minutes ago.' I thought to myself, and
went to the door, blinking at the girl there.

".. Where's the
food?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

She looked at me
strangely. "… Are you Mitchell?"

".. Yes.. Look. If
you're with those people who were offering bible study last week,
I'm really not interested."

"I'm Nina."

I wracked my brain to
see if that name meant anything to me.. and I was coming up
empty-handed. ".. Sorry. I don't.."

She cut me off. "I'm
--.. I .. was Kyle's …"

"…Oh."

A lesser man would've
slammed the door in her face, but I managed to find the self-control
to be the bigger person.

"I know you must hate
me.. I just want you to know that.. I'm really sorry. I didn't
know about you until a little while ago."

"I just found out
about you."

"I know… Kyle's
brother told me.. That's why.. I came to see you."

"How's the baby?"

She wet her lips, and I
noticed she couldn't look me in the eyes. "He's good."

"Kyle would've been
thrilled." I was trying to keep my face as expressionless as
possible.

"I'm really sorry,
Mitchell.. I.."

"Did his parents
know?"

".. Daniel told them
a little while ago."

"Wonderful."

"Mitchell, I'd
really like for us to be friends.. B.. believe it or not, Kyle loved
you a lot.. "

"Not enough, I
guess."

"He was really torn
up about what was going on. I.. the accident wasn't your fault,
Mitchell. He was coming back from my place… I'm so sorry."

Fuck. I might've been
pissed off, but I didn't mean to make her cry. I put aside my anger
towards Kyle, and let her into the apartment. She was actually really
pretty.. More like Kyle's type than I was.

Of course, she was a
–woman-, so she must've been more his type… right?

"What'd you name
him?" I asked quietly. She sniffled, and took a tissue that I
offered her.

"Thomas."

I nodded and sighed,
and thus began the awkward silence. I saw her pick up a picture of
Kyle and I, and I leaned against the wall, watching her.

"You guys looked good
together."

".. Thanks."

"I.. I just wanted to
come see you.. I didn't know if you'd be mad at me or not."

I watched her leave,
and instantly felt shittier about myself. I couldn't bring myself
to be angry at her – she didn't know. I was still a little angry
at Kyle and Daniel, for lying to me, but now I just felt tired. And
hungry.

I looked at the picture
that Nina had been looking at. Kyle and I looked happy. Tears sprung
to my eyes, and I set down the Chinese food. Kyle and I used to be
happy.

"You fucking
bastard." I whispered, closing my eyes and leaning back. There was
a knock on the door, and I sighed. I didn't really feel like
company, and I could only hope it wasn't my parents.

It wasn't.

".. Daniel."

He was dressed better
than he was the last time he came by, but I noticed he wasn't
wearing his collar thing again. He gave me a smile. "Mitchell. I..
came to apologize for the other day. I was completely out of line.."

".. You were."

"Can I come in?"

I nodded and let him
in. He didn't sit down, staying near the door, as if he were
expecting me to kick him out. "So. "

"I was upset. It was
a hard day on my family.. I know it was hard on you too, and I had no
right to take it out on you.. I just.. Mom and Dad found out about
Nina and the baby, and they were upset that I didn't tell them."

"Are you gay?" I
cut in. He looked uncomfortable, and finally swallowed, and nodded.

"Y.. Yeah. I am."

"And.. you.. thought
I was cute in high school, or something?"

He smiled a little. "I
did.. you look even better now.. You have gorgeous eyes.. If I
wasn't terrified, I would've asked you out."

I felt my cheeks
reddening, and I had the sudden thought to kiss him, but I pushed it
down. "Are you really quitting being a priest?"

Daniel sighed, and he
looked pained. "I don't know. There's a lot of factors
involved. I'm just tired of all the bullshit.. There's so many
cruel people who misinterpret the bible.. use it to their own
devices.. And the priests who molest children, or who use fear in
their sermons.. I know there aren't a lot, but.. " He sighed
again. "I don't know what I want to do.. It is hard..
Confessional is my least favorite part of it, because who do I
confess to?"

".. How about me?"
I asked quietly. He looked up at me, surprised.

".. I want to kiss
you."

I swallowed. "Okay."

He took a step towards
me, touching my cheek and finally slipping an arm around my
shoulders, pulling me closer. As soon as I felt his lips touch mine,
I melted into his arms, feeling the tears stinging at my eyes. I
hadn't realized how much I missed even this simple human contact
until it was brought back to me.

The warmth was almost
overwhelming, and as I felt him pull away, I leaned towards him, not
wanting the kiss to end. He finally did pull away from me, and he was
bright red.

".. That was worth
the wait." He said, running his thumb over my lips. I nodded
wordlessly.

"Do you still want to
quit?"

"My parents would
kill me." He answered, and I couldn't help but flinch. I'd
thought the kiss would mean something. Especially a kiss from Daniel,
of all people. "But.. yes."

I guess I looked happy,
because he grinned, and kissed me again.

"Just give me a while
before we have sex.. I.. I've never.. y'know."

I nodded, feeling my
heart pounding. For the first time in months, I felt happy as hell.
I knew sooner or later, I would fuck it up, but for now, I'd enjoy
myself.

And soon – I would
get laid again.

Thank you, God.

……..sorry.

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