"To give you an idea how slowly we are leaving Afghanistan, Afghans don't refer to us anymore as ‘infidel crusaders.' They refer to us as ‘Irish relatives.'" -Bill Maher

"I don't want to say this country is in trouble, but Obama said today that he wanted to fly more of our troops home, but we can't afford the baggage fees." -Bill Maher

"I understand we're on our way to being a Third World country. Could we just stop at ‘Second World' before we get there?" -Bill Maher

On Afghanistan:

"The pull-out in Afghanistan reminds me a little bit of the pull-out I promised the mother of my children." -David Carr

"[President Obama] said we've got to get out this, it's over, we can't afford it, and we're staying." -Bill Maher

"We've engaged on this road of nation-building, and I think the president clearly signaled in that speech he wants to get out of this project." -Richaed Engel

"We have to be in Afghanistan not because of the bullshit that they tell the people. It's because we've got to keep an eye on Pakistan. It's kind of a ‘neighborhood watch.'" -Bill Maher

"There's a lot of people in the military who would like to keep a small number of forces both in Iraq and in Afghanistan, but with much more limited objectives." -Richard Engel

"What's depressing to me is that first we needed Pakistan as our ally for the war in Afghanistan. And now apparently we need Afghanistan for the war in Pakistan." -Bill Maher

On Libya:

"I was in Tripoli, and the bombings came infrequently. It was boring a lot of the time. And if I was bored, and other journalists that were there found it boring, I don't think that's the kind of ‘intense air strikes' that are going to drive out a dictator of four decades who has no place to go." -Richard Engel

On Obama:

"Somebody has to tell me why Obama will not be more liberal about issues when even the public is on his side." -Bill Maher

"He's not a leader. He's not leading this country...he's not leading anyone. He's not even leading his base, which is a big problem for him, because they're not going to turn out again in a couple of years." -Susan Del Percio

"I voted for Barack Obama...because I perceived him to be far more moderate than others. And I think that's what the record speaks to." -Michael Smerconish

"Turns out he's a politician. And, you know, he's good at politics, not that great at governance." -David Carr

"Obama has always been to me the ‘I got this' president...but I don't know if he can pull another rabbit out of the hat like this." -Bill Maher

"Don't be dissuaded by either party's base. It's what goes on in the center that's going to determine this race." -Michael Smerconish

On America & Immigrants:

"I came to tell you how the American Dream has people in every other country all over the world still wanting to come here, to live here." -Alexandra Pelosi

"You know, we do a lot of complaining here in America. And that itself is something they can't do in a lot of other countries." -Bill Maher

"George Bush put us on a bus and drove us down to Mexico to hang out for one hour with Vincente Fox, to talk about how we were going to have worker programs. You know, we were going to bring in workers and we were going to have this great, comprehensive immigration reform. How many times have you heard that from every president that gets elected and then, of course, fails." -Alexandra Pelosi

"Ronald Reagan basically legalized every illegal immigrant in this country. I just like to bring this up because every week I like to make Republican heads explode about how they love Ronald Reagan, but would despise everything he did." -Bill Maher

"We are the country that actually allows the most people to be legal [immigrants]." -Alexandra Pelosi

"[Immigrants] are not all bad. They bring lots of stuff to this country. They're not all starting forest fires and taking our jobs." -Alexandra Pelosi

On the Supreme Court & Wal-Mart:

"The Rehnquist Court and now the Roberts Court, they always find a way to find for corporations and not people." -Bill Maher

"What's frustrating to me as I look at this case is that it is yet another of those 5-4 decisions which I think really harms the perception of the court in the mind of the public. And maybe justifiably show, because it looks so inherently political." -Michael Smerconish

"Elections do matter...this is just another example of the things we were born with that we take for granted." -Alexandra Pelosi

On the News Media:

"We have this huge buffet of information like we've never had before. And, you know, try that in Syria, try that in Libya, try that in Afghanistan." -David Carr

"I love the Huffington Post. I mean, I'm a secret gigolo for Arianna Huffington; I'm going to get all that money." -Bill Maher

"There are a lot of people sitting at home in their underwear, on their couch, spouting out their opinions, and spewing it out into the toxic universe, and calling it news. Some people don't know the difference." -Alexandra Pelosi

"The evisceration of the newsroom means a lack of real investigative journalism." -Michael Smerconish

"I understand New York Times has its faults. It is tendentious. You know, there are people that don't agree with everything we do. But, why would you argue against having that kind of muscle out there in Afghanistan, in Iraq...?" -David Carr

"Who's going to finance the Richard Engels of the future?" -Bill Maher

"The New York Times - and I have my problems with it, too - at least is organized mostly in the news section by what's important, as opposed to the Internet, which is organized by what's popular." -Bill Maher

"If it becomes popular enough on the Internet, then the New York Post or even the New York Times has to follow it." -Susan Del Percio

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