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Friday, January 7, 2011

timing is everything

Joe asked me a question the other day.

Where do you think you would be if we hadn't gotten married?

We talked about it for a while. But it got me thinking about all of the events in a person's life that lead them to a certain moment. I laid in bed that night and thought about all of the things that had to happen perfectly for me and Joe to get together, the many times Joe and I did date, and then the last time, where Joe and I just knew we belonged together. Do I believe in fate and destiny? I don't know. I don't not believe in them. But I think that life can give you opportunities, but it's our job to capture that moment. I'm not a very religious person, many of you know that already. But it feels like there have been some times in my life where I have been pushed, or at least very slightly directed, to a certain result.

Big picture:My family had to move to Paris, Arkansas, as did Joe.I had to be born at a very specific time.My parents had to get together.Their parents had to get together.My grandfather had to join the army and be in Germany to meet my grandmother.

It snowballs from there.

But on a more personal level, I had to be the person I was to wait for Joe. To know he needed time and space to become the person he is now. One relationship had to end, for ours to begin. I was in a philosophy class with a guy that reminded me so much of Joe. He made me miss Joe. I had to get a MySpace account (yeah, I found Joe that last time on MySpace) which I wouldn't have done unless my brother had joined a band and they had started blogging about their tour on MySpace. I remember driving home one afternoon determined to find Joe online, or at least call his mother. I just had to find him. There was this very loud determined voice in my head screaming at me. And come to find out, he had found me on MySpace only days after I had made my account. We were searching for each other. Coincidence? Fate? Destiny? Love? I don't know what to call it. I just know that the web that captures just our relationship was so tight. If anything had happened differently, I wouldn't be married to him today. It's an interesting thought. Are we soul mates? Looking back, I've never been the girl to regret anything. I don't jump with both feet first very often; I'm very cautious about the decisions I have made in my life. But I know Joe and I were supposed to be together. I think about how many times the universe pushed us together. How many opportunities we were given to get it right. How many people come and go in a lifetime, but Joe was always a constant in my life.

There is a quote in the movie The Notebook when the main character is proposed to: "She agreed with all her heart but couldn't understand why, at the moment she said yes, Noah's face came to mind." This quote has always given me chills. I have a sneaky suspicion I would have had a similar thought if I had fallen in love with a different man. Even while I was dating someone else, and I had completely lost touch with Joe, I would think about him all the time.

On January 20th, 2007, Joe was walking towards my apartment building. Rigel was just a puppy. I was leaning over my couch staring out the window, watching him walk down the sidewalk and up the stairs. I turned to Rigel and told him that I wanted to marry Joe so badly. Not 10 minutes later we were engaged. He proposed to me on my birthday. With the perfect ring. In the perfect words. And in that moment, I wasn't thinking about anyone other than him and our future.

In a very odd set of conversations as a teen, my mother and I decided that this life (if we just happened to had many lives as humans) was to inspect, perfect, become very well versed- in patience and tolerance. As I was looking back at the moments that brought me to the place and person I am today, this long forgotten thought popped back into my head. And it made me laugh. Army wife. ARMY. wife. Going through a deployment. My current existence is the epitome of patience and tolerance. How did my mother know, all those years ago, I would be a constant student of patience and tolerance as an adult? Is it possible that you are given tasks in life that prepare you for the future? The other guys I have dated. The path I took in college. The way I was raised. It's all led me to where I am today. And I wouldnt have it any other way!