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People in mah realz lifez tend to come to me for advice. Which astonishes me because I really dont think I help that much. Or at least I don't make that big of an attempt. People just open up a conversation like "mann i feel down in the dumps" or whatever, and I knowingly take the bait and ask whats up. The conversation literally 99% of the time turns to this:

Whiny McWhinepants: [mylifesucksblahblahblahblahbletc]
Kayla: oh man that sucks.
Whiny: yeah i know because like [blablhablahblha reiterating first point albhalbhablh]
Kayla: jesus. i would hate to be in your situation.
Whiny: and its not even like i can [balbhalbhalbhablahblha]
Kayla: :/

I swear to fucking god those are the only three things I ever say. I think people just like to unload and feel like someone is acknowledging their problems as shitty situations. And you cant actually give them real advice otherwise because they in somet twisted way probably enjoy being messed up so they wont take your advice. They'll give you some bullshit reason why it wont work, even if it totally will. Essentially, people are all very generic and boring. And a fucking chore to talk to when they're upset. Most of the time.

I swear to fucking god those are the only three things I ever say. I think people just like to unload and feel like someone is acknowledging their problems as shitty situations. And you cant actually give them real advice otherwise because they in somet twisted way probably enjoy being messed up so they wont take your advice. They'll give you some bullshit reason why it wont work, even if it totally will. Essentially, people are all very generic and boring. And a fucking chore to talk to when they're upset. Most of the time.

Originally this was going to be a list of entries, but trying to sift through a few thousand posts to look for good ones, and finding ones that are mysteriously deleted, i decided against it.

Instead a recent event sparked me to an idea which i had been wanting to do for a long time, but did not have the motivation. So to make this as over the top and from the heart as possible, i'll start with a good title.

Rants and Ramblings: The Beef, The Grill, and the Digestive Process

The main idea of this is the quote of "everyone wants respect, but not everyone is willing to give respect".

I don't know how many of you have met as many people as i have and developed a sort of bond with them, but you'll notice a lot of them start becoming the same. People stop having names, faces aren't recognizable, all you can see is a personallity. Set archetypes that everyone will fall under, general catogories and sub ones as well. The more people you meet the more you realize it is impossible to be unique.

The people on this planet are so bad and horrible you can understand why people commit suicide. It's not even political leaders or tyrants or anything like that, just the general attitude of most of the population. I'm sure ego has a lot to do with it. For some reason if you validate someone's ego, they feel alive. If you disrespect or wound it, they get angry. Not denying i'm guilty of it a bit myself, but i like to think i handle it better than most. On the rare occasion i find someone that actually does not have an ego, i am in awe and envious because i don't have that ability. I'm also sad because i wish there were more people like it. People that are secure enough in themselves that they don't have to be perma serious arrogant. The joke arrogance is funny at times, the temporary arrogance that sounds more like a confidence surge is also cool. The people i don't like are the ones that think they are THE DOPEST SHIT EVER without any real backing to it other than to make themselves feel better. Hate them because they insult our own ego's? Maybe. I doubt it though, because the smarter people tend to just see the attitude as obnoxious more than anything, and that is no ego play at all. The big reason though is because arrogance from one person is seen as what i've been talking about: disrespect.

And i said in a previous post there is no real problem with having confidence in yourself, at an almost arrogant level. The part i could never figure out until literally a few days ago was that the people that piss me off with ego's piss me off not because they talk big, but because they talk down to everyone else. Most of the time they are unwilling to listen or come off the high ground and the time you do catch them failing or find someone better, they show that person no respect and instead again do as i said, and get angry. why? WOUNDED EGO.

Proof, pudding, all that jazz. Everyone walking around like they have a chip on their shoulders. The world was unkind to them and showed them no respect, so instead of saying they will not give others negativity and transcending, they lower themselves to that level and instead give no respect anywhere. This is how you create these kinds of people. Granted it is messed up in actual practice, because being so mean to someone is not how life should be lived. It creates the cliche cycle.

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Fighting. I don't know if it's me as a person, or what, but it seems like everyone that i end up on bad terms with picked the fight with me. They start the fight, fight ends, everyone's pissed off, and later on i feel bad about it since i'm a decent person. It is for that reason also, that i will metaphorically wound my own ego and take the perceived weaker stance, and apologize. Even if i feel i did nothing wrong, because stress, tension and negativity are things i don't want in my life.

The story about that and also the one that prompted this post, happened 2 days ago. Tyrone Yap, me, and another friend named Dan were hanging out. Dan asked me to do something i didn't want to do, i said i didn't want to, we went back and forth talking calmly about why should or shouldn't i do this thing, and we were being very civil about it. Dan is also 22, so i think age has a factor. After a bit of the back and forth i let Dan know i was irritated by the request, and he said ok sorry and let the subject drop. Directly after, Tyrone Yap (who is 19 years of age) says "no this discussion is not over. why aren't you going to do it?". I, still being calm while Tyrone was getting heated up, said i just explained to Dan why i don't want to do it. Tyrone then says "what the hell is your problem?" and that's when i really noticed that people are just picking fights and are mostly drama queens and whatever term you want to use to describe it. Told him my problem was people not letting stuff die when it has clearly ran it's course, and he said louder "no i mean WHAT THE FUCK is your your problem man?!". Again, trying my best to avoid conflict and negative energy, i responded with "i said my piece and i don't want to keep talking about this". He stood there quiet for a bit and all was well. A minute later someone else asked me a question, and before i could answer Tyrone did that thing where you repeat what someone said but you make your voice hella retarded to mock them. When i heard that is when i got mad and retaliated, not even massive whoop ass style or anything either. Very mellow toned but slightly annoyed sounding, i said to him "ok you need to shut the fuck up and not mock me". Then he screams at me like he was using all his willpower to not strangle me and beat the shit out of me, gets in my face and says "WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?!". I walked away and went home, because that is just stress i do not need. Understand i was totally dumbfounded by why he wanted to argue so bad. He's an argumentative type by nature so i suppose that's it.

As a practitioner of introspection and self betterment, i always look to blame myself first and think it's a problem with me. However i replayed that scenario several times in my head over the last 2 days and all i perceive it as is someone just eager to fight. Dan? Totally cool with it. I talked to him a bit later and he said he didn't give a shit and knew i was just frustrated, which is what i also thought. Tyrone on the other hand is still steaming. So i figured i'd do what most people usually don't because of said ego, and i apologized. I felt i did nothing wrong, but i said from the heart i was sorry. Was told to burn in hell. Was also at this point i classified Tyrone as a fucking psycho. Dan is a guy i was talking about earlier, he has 0 ego level. As a result he is always very chill and positive, and i like that.

Talked to Dan today about it and he said Tyrone should get over it in a couple days, and i should apologize again. I may be generous but i have standards. I said i didn't do anything wrong and if he wants to overreact and be a bitch about it, i'm not going to get on my knee's and beg forgiveness from someone who (repeating concept!) shows no respect to me when i have shown them respect.

And i mean there are a lot of other stories like this with many people. I can't find out why i bring this out of people, but i also notice people do it to each other so i listed it as a facet of human behavior that is just common practice. This realization also depressed me

==========

To talk about myself a bit, i give everyone respect. As the quote goes however, not everyone is willing to give respect.

I hate a lot of places i go to or frequent now. I've noticed just how mean everyone is to each other. Most of the time you have a massive ego sink with mostly chill people that have smaller ego's that don't need to be validated as often, hanging around the big one. Sorta like a planet and moons you know? The big ego then preys on the little ego's because they validate him, and ask of nothing back. Disgusting behavior.

Even though i constantly bitch about my most inner circle of friends, when the above story happened i realized why i put up with their shit and am still friends with them. Respect, go figure. Outside of my overreactions and their actual asshattery, they really enjoy my company, never try to start drama with me, and respect me. Sean of course is a massive chatterbox, but that works out since i'm generally a quiet dude. Also realized i still hang out with Sean the most. He calls me a lot, IMs, if we don't do shit on the weekend he still calls me about it, and is generally in touch with me most of the day. When he talks over me and such to tell his stories, i just let him talk. When he takes a break or is done, i learned with him you need to take control of the conversation to say your part, so the asshattery was drastically cut when i figured this idea out.

As such, the 4 closest friends i have and have had for maybe 8 years average, with David and i having known each other for 11 years, we're all pretty cool and have respect for one another.

It's a good experience now that i'm a bit calmer about it, and i really like it.

==========

What i don't like is more of the general attitude of the same people i said i hated. The blatant double standards and hypocracy of people is puke inducing. They don't even make attempts to hide it or explain it. Someone will say something they clearly do not believe in or practice, i'll ask them why and get blown off. Ask someone else for insight since they may know more, and get blown off again. Disrespect from people i respected, and overall bad living choices made by people in regards to human interaction.

There is also the huge price to pay when you're more respectful to others and calmer about it. You get walked on. This was a problem when i was younger, but i personally have taken steps to ensure people know my limits. As such people have disrespected me more and picked yet more fights, because if they can't do whatever they want they in turn feel disrespected (when they clearly should NOT) and get pissed about it.

I also am not a fan of having to go so far for people's respect that no one should want. I hate the stress.

I am honestly confused also at the fact at i don't know why people are trying to make lives harder and more stressful for everyone else. It defies logic other than people are inherently assholes and it's pathological.

Probably the thing i hate most is when i know there's a problem, i address it, people aren't as mature about it as i am and willing to at the very least calmly talk about it even if everyone's going to end up hating each other, and instead just avoid the problem to hold grudges and talk shit etc. Pick a fight and feel tough because you watch someone apologize and try to please you? God damn cowards. It's ok though because fate takes care of this. They can be bitter and alone when they do this to all their friends and people they know.

Everyone so afraid of their god damn shadows and ego's that they need to explain themselves without prompting each time they speak in order to not second guess themselves or get shot down potentially. If this stopped also i would be a happier person.

==========

After all the cryptic talk, there is of course hope. A very slow process of circulating your contacts and bonds until you find the people you enjoy most, and hey you may even enjoy being disrespected and shitted on all the time, who am i to know.

The point is, everything will suck, but it will only suck as bad as you let it get to you. The world of today has many avenue's of escaping what stresses you. Books, tv, games, music, the company of others, quiet sanctuaries to be alone in, minor things you enjoy like certain foods even work. It can get bad when your escapes get stressful also, so that will be tough to deal with.

I take a lot of time to watch a sunrise or sunset because it calms me and i enjoy it, as well as getting away from a lot of headaches. This is a good time of year also, since you get those PERFECT days. Blue skies, clouds, not freezing cold, sorta warm but there's that cool breeze on top of it that makes it euphoric.

All that being said, everyone wants respect, but not everyone is willing to give respect. Best advice is to keep your chin up and not worry so much. Everyone will get mad and frustrated, you will get pissed eventually, and you will go to some dark places you really don't like. It's how you deal with these down times that determine your quality of life, and hopefully you are able to transcend it all and realize life is definately worth living, and to not let it all get to you.