Hello and welcome to today’s edition of A Slice Of Soap. There’s still time to enter this week’s caption competitionso get scribbling and make us all laugh.

EastEnders w/e Friday October 2

It’s a big week forEastEnders. Not only has it racked up 19 out of a possible 52 nominations for this year’s Inside Soap Awards (and it will win most of them), London Mayor Boris Johnson will put in a cameo this week.

You just know it will be one of those ‘so bad it’s good’ kind of things. Just look at the mess he made of the flag-waving at the Olympics this summer. And that was a non-speaking role! So this week, Jane’s upset that she can’t have children.

Christian and Syed kiss but someone sees them do it… Roxy and Dr Jenkins go on a date. Heather spots an advert for a Children in Need dance competition and tries to convince Patrick to sign up (I know it’s for charity, but the BBC’s EastEnders tie-ins are about as subtle as a sledgehammer to the head).

James and Christian split up and Syed talks to an imam. Roxy finds a pregnancy testing kit in Ronnie’s make-up bag. The police tell Denise that Trina’s death is being treated as accidental. A frustrated Peggy returns having failed in her mission to track down Boris Johnson. It’s not long, though, before Boris wanders in for a pint (hahahahahahaha). Jim tells Pat that Liz has a crush on Patrick. Jean realises that Stacey has been lying to her. Lucas has to explain the discovery of Trina’s bracelet to Chelsea. Lucas ends up conducting Trina’s funeral. Manda tells Minty that Adam is very protective of her and Libby leaves for Oxford.

Also on EastEnders this week:Denise accuses Zainab of reporting her to the policeStacey panics when she sees Ryan in The VicLucy suspects that something’s not quite right with Christian

Emmerdale w/e Friday October 2

Every good soap needs a good soap bitch and they don’t come much better than Emmerdale’s Charity Tate. Watch out everyone – the scheming gold-digger is back in town after a five-year absence. Actress Emma Atkins told the Daily Record how much she loves playing a bad girl: "It’s so good to be back. Charity is an amazing character and I’ve missed her. It’s much better fun to play a bitch than a goodie-two-shoes." I second that!

So this week, Leyla’s panicking when the takings are tallied in the shop and Nathan realises money is missing. Laurel isn’t happy when Ashley comforts Sally. Nikhil’s furious with Priya. Cain attacks Michael, saying that he wants him out of Debbie’s life. At first, Debbie is furious but when Michael stuns her with news about his wedding, Debbie starts to think that her judgement has been wrong all along.

Michael’s fiancée dropped a bombshell, that’s why he’s still marrying her. All eyes are on the bride – who turns out to be Debbie’s mum – Charity. After such a long break, how will Cain feel about Charity’s reappearance? Sally turns up at Laurel and Ashley’s – she’s left Vincent.

Also on Emmerdale this week:Leyla tells Nathan to dock her wages Paddy tries to help Aaron win Holly overDiane’s tired of the hostility between Moira and Marlon

Coronation Street w/e Friday October 2

No wonder Corrie’s in a bit of a rut at the moment; all the best stuff is being cut out of it. Vixen Rosie Webster stripped down to saucy basque, suspenders and stockings – but the scene never made the final cut.

A drunken Rosie goes to see Luke (Strictly’s Craig Kelly) after being dumped. She removes her coat to reveal her sexy gear. Oh well. We’ll make do with Molly and Kevin in bed instead – yuck.

This week, it’s Fiz’s big day but with Chesney refusing to attend and mum Cilla out of the country, it won’t be the happiest day of her life. Rosie plays it cool with Luke but she’s scheming away to get him back. Dev’s furious when Amber tells him that she’s thinking of quitting university.

As John begs for the wedding to go ahead, Fiz is in turmoil knowing that by committing to the marriage, she could risk losing Chesney forever. As she sits outside the prison in floods of tears, Roy tries to console her. Michelle arrives at Luke’s flat to find a semi-naked Rosie emerging from the bathroom. Chesney decides to make the wedding and Fiz and John try to convince him of their love for each other. Luke fires Rosie, but she threatens him. Kevin and Sally return from their holiday and he runs off to Molly.

Also on Coronation Street this week:Tyrone sets about decorating the spare room Gary suggests that Chesney move in with themJesse tries to sack Julie

Hollyoaks w/e Friday October 2

As you may be aware, I’m doing the live Strictly Come Dancing blogging this year. Ricky Whittle, better known for his role as Hollywoodoaks’ Calvin Valentine, is emerging as the one to beat on Strictly. His waltz drew all the plaudits on Friday night, despite a small mistake and on Saturday, his rumba was universally praised. "Slick, confident, masculine, sexy," that’s what Craig Revel Horwood said. He topped the leader board and I can’t wait to see what he’s going to do next.

Ravi returns home from hospital. Hannah’s got free tickets to a music festival but wonders how she’ll get there. Sarah’s furious with Lydia for causing problems between her and Zoe. Sick with jealousy, Gilly can’t bear to be around Steph and Fernando. Archie tries to make amends with everyone. Sasha returns from her trip and tracks down Calvin at The Loft. She’s furious to discover that Cheryl’s moved in. Malachy and Mercedes are depressed about their job situation.

Jack and Frankie’s search for Newt continues. Bel and Gov’s move to Middlesbrough has finally arrived. Gilly takes Tom to football but ends up kicking the ball at Gilly’s groin. Calvin is stressed out and it’s the day of The Loft’s grand re-opening. Hayley’s shocked when Josh reveals that he slept with Sasha in Manchester.

Also this week on Hollyoaks:Cheryl’s once again faced with being homelessThe freshers head down to The Loft for the party Hayley blabs that Sasha’s slept with Dave

That’s it for me, I’m out of here. Join me on Wednesday for more soap news and gossip and don’t forget to try this week’s caption competition

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