9 Hilarious Pieces of Relationship Advice From My 6 Year-Old Sister

My little sister Tiffany is a sassy, half-Brazilian, pint-sized version of Sofia Vergara. She has better clothes than I do, is funnier than I am, and apparently knows more about dating than I do.

For the past two years, Tiffany has had an imaginary boyfriend named “Steve” (yeah, IDK about the name choice either) who she calls daily using a pocket mirror. If you try to say anything negative about Steve, as I often do, she will threaten to “bite your nose and never be your friend again, or your sister.”

Here are some of the best pieces of her dating philosophy:

1. On the dating scene

“Don’t look at any unsexy butt.”

2. On disrespect

“If someone’s mean to you, you just tell them ‘Step off, booger!’”

3. On getting a boyfriend:

“(While handing me her plastic Cinderella necklace) You should wear this so that you’re pretty and a boy will like you. (Whispering sadly) I know you don’t have a boyfriend right now.”

4. On having children

Tiffy: Why don’t you have kids?Me: I’m 24.Tiffy: (Ignoring this) When you’re 18, you get kids.

5. On going out.

“Slap that booty and slap it hard! All down Broadway!”

6. On the ever-elusive Steve

Me: So are you and Steve still together?Tiffy: Yeah, I don’t know where he lives. That’s the problem.Me: Yeah, that’s tough.

7. On gender roles

Tiffy (Holding a stuffed bear): Guess what my boyfriend’s name is?Me: Steve? Todd? D’Angelo?Me: Ok, what is it?Tiffy: It’s a girl! Her name is Brittany and we kiss each other!

8. On date plans

Tiffy: I’m going on a date tonight.Me: Oh yeah, with who?Tiffy: Steve.Me: What are you gonna do?Tiffy: We’re going to a lunch place. Gonna make out.