Add This Man To The List Of People With Awful Penis Mishaps

2 years ago

A man in Malaysia called the cops while in extreme pain earlier this week because he’d accidentally gotten in his penis stuck in a metal ring. Well, accidentally might not be the right word here. He bought it from a sex shop and definitely purposely put it on there, but in the process of his sweet, metallic love making, the ring became stuck on his junk. When Beyonce sang “Cause if you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it,” this probably wasn’t what she meant.

It took firefighters only about 10 minutes to remove his wang from its punishing metal prison, but the memories, and the ring indent on his penis will last forever.

Now, here are a few other inanimate objects that cool dudes recently had to have surgically removed from their peckers.

A Wedding Ring

In November, a South American man decided that he would propose to the only thing he loved. His penis. This really is a classic love story that could be easily turned into a movie. Man sees his own penis. Man falls in love with his own penis. Man puts a wedding ring on his own penis. Firefighters make several failed attempts to remove the wedding ring from his penis with a buzz saw. Finally, the doctors remove the ring by draining blood from the man’s penis which is both gross, and pretty damn metal. Just put Ryan Gosling as the star in this film and it’ll make like a billion dollars in it’s opening weekend. Also, he wasn’t proposing to his penis. It was just a weird sex thing.

A Bottle

There are multiple ways to fill your body with fluids. Most people drink water with their mouths. Some people use IVs. This guy heard of all of these methods and decided that the best way for him to get hydrated was to get his penis stuck in a plastic water bottle. Finally, after four days of agony the man visited the hospital to have the bottle removed. Unfortunately, having your penis deprived of oxygen for that long isn’t very good for it, so it had to be surgically removed. Once again, this in reality was a sex thing and not a hydration thing.

A Toaster

An anonymous London man loves toasters so much that he got his penis stuck in one. Was he cold? Sexually attracted to mechanical appliances? Does he just really love The Brave Little Toaster? The exact answer is left to the wind, but we do know that the firefighters that removed his swollen member from its red hot, metallic prison weren’t excited about the whole thing.