A whole bunch of stuff that rarely involves anything to do with breakfast.

Friday, April 11, 2014

NRL 2014 Round 6: Shut up, Robbie Farah. And spell your name with two R's; it would make it look better

Another splendid weekend of
tipping saw me double my previous week’s efforts, to score a massive 2 from
8. That gives me 3 from 16 for the
fortnight. And yet, I feel like I’m
actually on par with the rest of the world.
You’re not; you’re like 30 points
off the leader. Fair enough, I never
liked golf anyway. I don’t trust the
shoes.

In league this week, Beau Ryan
made a joke about Jamie Soward on the Footy Show, which Jamie responded back to
about how Beau Ryan should go back to reserve grade, so Robbie Farah decided to log into Twitter and give his eighteen cents. I would advise anyone who has been a victim of cyber-bullying and has then been made an advocate for anti-dickhead behaviour, as Robbie Farah has been, that they should probably stop abusing other people on social media.

Come on, Robert, don’t be the
third man into a fight. That’s Sam Thaiday’s job.

In other news, the Warriors fired coach Matt Elliot, bringing the total number of teams that have dumped him before his contract expired to: All of them.

Round 6

This MUST be the time that sanity
prevails in the NRL, so I’m just going to go with the favourites and hope to
fuck that they win. Stupid dickheads in
the stupid dickheaded NRL. There’s no
way to properly tip anyone right now.
You just have to shrug, pick a team, grab some beers and swear at the tv
a lot.

Penrith Panthers vs South Sydney Rabbitohs

Gold Coast Titans vs Brisbane Broncos

Parramatta Eels vs Sydney Roosters

Wests Tigers vs North Queensland Cowboys

New Zealand Warriors vs Canterbury Bulldogs

Manly-Warringah Sea Eagles vs Cronulla-Sutherland Sharks

Melbourne Storm vs St George-Illawarra Dragons

Game of the Round

Canberra Raiders vs Newcastle Knights

Canberra are obviously in a bit
of trouble at the moment, sharing the cellar with the league’s whipping boys
Melbourne, Nth Queensland and Souths. In
my opinion, the Raiders’ biggest problem is their inability to score points. They can control the ball, they can win
possession, they can have great field position, but they just don’t have a
fucking clue as to how to score a try.

My solution: kick a field goal. Just imagine, four minutes in, the Raiders
have the ball thirty metres out from the Newcastle line. Fifth tackle, the ball comes back to Terry
Campese, who calmly slots a one-pointer.
1-0 Raiders.

Knights kick off. The Raiders grind it down to the Newcastle
forty within five tackles. On the last, Jack
Wighton knocks over a field goal. 2-0
Raiders.

Keep this going for the entire
half, and they could be 20 points up. By
this stage, the Knights will be thinking, “Well fuck. We should start trying to get to the kicker
on the fifth tackle. We don’t want to be
21 points behind.” So they rush up on
the first receiver on the fifth tackle.
It’s at this point that the receiver passes
the ball to a runner, who takes advantage of the gaps that have appeared,
and they miiiiiight just be able to streak in for a try. If that doesn’t work, fuck it, just kick a
field goal on the next set. Think of the
scorecard with Canberra winning 27-6, and not crossing the try line at
all. I have a field goal boner just
thinking about it. Do you get those a lot? More
than you know.

Fuck it, at the very least, it
would stop the Raiders from just booting the ball straight to the fullback on
every kicking option.

The Raiders cruelly lost star recruit Wesley Snipes to a season-ending ankle injury. His flat-top is fine.