Don't you just hate spoilers? I do, too. That's why I always try to include warnings. However, I sometimes ramble a bit too much here or there and maybe a few (or many) key plot points slip without me giving proper notice. So I'd like to include a blanket spoiler warning for the weary internet travelers of the world: Here There Be Spoilers. You've been warned.

Monday, January 30, 2012

You know, I've never thought much of Missouri. In fact, I really thought that they never should've been allowed in the SEC. I would have preferred USF getting an invite from the SEC.

Now I don't mind some fun and games and I never miss an opportunity to make fun of my hated rivals. But I fight for my rivals too. Any team in the SEC can only be hated by fans of other teams in the SEC. Unless that team is Auburn, of course. That's our code. Yeah, it's snobby, but we SEC fans have very high standards.

But I don't consider Missouri part of the SEC yet. At least, I don't consider Missouri to be a respectable team in the SEC. I respect Kentucky more because at least they have a basketball team. I even respect Ole Miss and Tennessee more because I know they will be better than the future. Or at least Tennessee will be better in the future. Ole Miss is just... well, at least Ole Miss has been around for a while and they've won something. And Vandy is trying to pull itself up, too.

Anyway, so it's nice to know that Missouri "is knocking on the door" to getting forty points dropped on them by the likes of Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, South Carolina, Vanderbilt, and possibly even Kentucky and Florida.

Welcome to the SEC, Missouri! I look forward to watching my team kick your ass next year.

And I should say that some folks shouldn't rap. Especially if they are white.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

The list of great album openers is really long and even more subjective. Many bands have had many great album openers, but I've tried my best to make sure that only one track per band makes an appearance here. Quite an incredible task when you think about it. Now there are a few obvious ones I avoided such as Zeppelin's Whole Lotta Love and Motorhead's Ace of Spades. It seems I like those songs less the more I hear them. Of course, there are many other openers that will be left off because there are just too many to list. But I'll do my best to make sure I list all my favorites...

Welcome to the Jungle(Appetite for Destruction) / Guns N' Roses

Battery (Master of Puppets) / Metallica - Blackened would have been a good choice, too. I happen to think that the albumMaster of Puppets is a bit overrated and that...And Justice for Allis actually Metallica's best release. But Master of Puppetshas the better opener, I believe.

War Pigs/Luke's Wall(Paranoid) / Black Sabbath

Mouth for War(Vulgar Display of Power) / Pantera - Toss-up between this and Cowboys from Hell.

Overkill(from Overkill) / Motorhead

Holy Wars...The Punishment Due(Rust in Peace) / Megadeth -Rust in Peaceis not my favorite Megadeth album. (Countdown to Extinction is... Yeah, I'm sooo helplessly mainstream.)I do thinkRIPhas four or five good songs and the rest is kind of forgettable, but the first song in an absolute beast.

For Those About to Rock (We Salute You) (For Those About to Rock We Salute You) / AC/DC

Among the Living(Among the Living) / Anthrax

Angel of Death(Reign in Blood) / Slayer

Why Don'tcha(Why Don'tcha) / West, Bruce, & Laing

Burn (Burn) / Deep Purple -Highway Starwould have made for another great choice, but I honestly thinkBurn is the better song.

Achilles Last Stand(Presence) / Led Zeppelin

Aces High(Powerslave) / Iron Maiden

We Rock(The Last in Line) / Dio

Painkiller(Painkiller) / Judas Priest

Refuse/Resist (Chaos A.D.) / Sepultura -Easily the most angry song on this list.

Black Metal (Black Metal) / Venom

I Don't Know(Blizzard of Ozz) / Ozzy Osbourne

Evil (Melissa) / Mercyful Fate

Don't Look Around(Nantucket Sleighride) / Mountain

Man on the Silver Mountain(Ritchie Blackmore's Rainbow) / Rainbow

Ghost of Perdition(Ghost Reveries) / Opeth - Acoustic sections, death metal growls, alternate guitar tunings, complicated arrangements, and a singer who can actually sing when he is not growling. What more could you want from a progressive death metal band?

Twilight of the Thunder God(Twilight of the Thunder God) / Amon Amarth -It was either this or War of the Gods.

Peaches en Regalia(Hot Rats) / Frank Zappa - Narrowing it down to one Frank Zappa tune was tough. Just look at how many albums (posthumous or not) he has in his catalog.

School's Out(School's Out) / Alice Cooper

Runnin' with the Devil(Van Halen) / Van Halen

Unsuccessfully Coping with the Natural Beauty of Infidelity(Slow, Deep and Hard) / Type O Negative -Twelve and a half minutes of anger and borderline misogyny with a wicked, but catchy chorus.

2112(2112) / RUSH -Twenty minutes of joyness.

Through the Fire and Flames(Inhuman Rampage) / Dragonforce -I hate Dragonforce. Well, maybe "hate" is to strong of a term. Let's just say that I think all of their songs sound the same and their "Dio meets Bon Jovi meets Nintendo" power metal shtick gets really old quick. But they do have one really good song and that is this one.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

John Travolta has been in some horrible movies. For every marginally decent film he's ever been in there are at least six other films that are atrocious. During the late seventies and pretty much all of the eighties, Travolta put out flop after flop that the average movie-watcher should avoid like the plague. If not for Blow Out thenthe only movies from that time that might be worth noting are Urban Cowboy and Staying Alive. So yeah, it was a pretty fucking awful period of time for poor Vinnie Barbarino.

But at least there is Blow Out.

And even Blow Out was considered a flop when it was released.

I've heard Blow Out be described as a cousin to The Conversation (1974) and Blowup (1966). Now I can't comment on any similarities or differences between those films because I've only seen Blow Out. I believe, based on what I've read, both The Conversation and Blow Out were inspired by Blowup to some extent. This bit of info might not have anything to do with reviewing Blow Out, but I mention it just in case you notice any similarities.

***Some possible spoilers might be ahead***

Blow Out starts out with a scene right out of Halloween. And no, I'm not kidding. John Travolta plays Jack Terry, a sound man, who has spent the past few years working on crummy B-horror movies. One night Jack Terry decides to go out and record some new sounds because his work buddy tells him that he is sick of using the same old sounds over and over again. So Jack Terry is outside, recording wind and a frog croaking, when he sees a car crossing a bridge. But then he hears a loud explosion and the car veers off the bridge and into the drink beneath.

Jack Terry drops his gear and dives into the water to try and save the driver and the passenger. He breaks a window open and rescues a woman named Sally (Nancy Allen), but he is unable to save the driver. At a hospital, Jack Terry learns that the unfortunate driver is the governor and a presidential hopeful. Terry also learns that the woman he saved is a prostitute and he is told to forget he ever saw her. After all, think about how the governor's family would be effected by such news...

Not good PR at all, is it? Just ask Tiger Woods or Bill Clinton.

Well, Jack Terry doesn't want to just drop it because he knows something is wrong. He knew he heard an explosion before the blow out occurred. And he believes that explosion is the sound of gunshot. So with the help of Sally, Jack Terry plans on letting the truth be known.

But there is one thing Jack Terry doesn't know...

A vicious killer named Burke (played brilliantly by John Lithgow) is fast on the trail, eagerly and joyfully, doing his best to tie up any loose ends.

Brian DePalma's movies are kind of hit-or-miss for me, but this one is definitely a hit. What really makes this movie great is John Lithgow's performance. Sure, I've seen him play a villain before in movies like Cliffhanger (1993), but this is the first time where I actually thought, John Lithgow CAN act!!!! Now you may already know that, but it came as a surprise to me. Until I saw this movie last night, I thought that Lithgow's acting ability was limited to the world of Harry and the Hendersons, 3rd Rock from the Sun, and Shrek. So discovering a John Lithgow that could be menacing without being cheesy was really a plus for me.

I can't recommend this movie enough and I give it an 8.5 out of 10 on the Jacobian Film Joyness Meter.

Already the debates are starting about who has the toughest schedule: LSU or Alabama? Well, I'd say Ole Miss because they are a horrible team that doesn't stand a prayer against even a middle of the road SEC team or a BYU team having a shitty day. Ole Miss even got their asses kicked by Kentucky in 2011.

I say that Ole Miss is going to have at least an eight-loss season. Probably nine or ten, if you pressed me. Actually, my prediction of eight losses is probably generous and it really would take much pressing for me to say nine or ten. Ole Miss needs to go to the Big Ten where they could actually have a winning record and get a chance to go to a bowl game...

Now back to LSU and Alabama. Let's take a look at the throwaway games for LSU. LSU plays North Texas, Washington, Idaho, Towson University (who the fuck are they?), and Ole Miss. That's five sure-wins. That's means they only have seven games that are even remotely difficult.

Now let's look at Alabama's throwaway games: Western Kentucky, Florida Atlantic, Western Carolina, and Ole Miss. Alabama clearly has the tougher schedule. Considering that Alabama opens with Michigan, a respected power even they have a questionable team, I think there can't be better way to start. In all likelihood, Michigan will be ranked to start the season so a win over them will already give Alabama a win over a ranked opponent.

Now let's look at the real games for Alabama and LSU. Alabama starts S.E.C. play earlier than LSU. Now LSU's S.E.C. games are more bunched up, but they play Texas A&M and then they have a bye week before they play Alabama. Alabama has its bye week much earlier in the season so that is another reason why Alabama has the more difficult season. Plus they play LSU in Louisiana.

Now LSU will need to rely on the back half of its season for any clout in the rankings. Since LSU plays Ole Miss the same week Alabama plays Western Carolina, LSU might get a slight advantage. Ole Miss was a two win team this year while Western Carolina only had one win.

But the more difficult schedule clearly belongs to Alabama. Alabama plays Michigan and then nine S.E.C. teams. LSU plays eight S.E.C. teams and a bunch of nobodies.

As far rankings go: Alabama will most likely play three ranked teams (Michigan, LSU, and Arkansas) and LSU will also play three (Arkansas, South Carolina, and Alabama). Now if Florida is ranked then LSU could have one advantage there.

LSU also has four away games while Alabama has five away games. So I better not hear LSU fans bitch and moan about what a tough schedule they have been dealt.

With the NFL draft shaving off of Alabama's fantastic defense and claiming Trent Richardson, Alabama's offense is going to have to step up. And I think that, if A.J. McCarron's brilliant performance in the National Championship game is any indication, the Tide should be able to handle their opponents with no problems.

So I expect Alabama to have undefeated season. Like I always do. LSU will have either one or two losses.

Alright, as you can see the schedules are incomplete for both teams. But I'm pretty sure that you can see that Missouri, joining the weaker S.E.C. East, is going to have it a bit easier than Texas A&M, a team that has been thrown into the fire of the S.E.C. West. Don't expect a plus-.500 season from Texas A&M. Missouri stands a better chance at breaking .500, but until their complete schedule is released I can't give you a more definitive prediction.

I just know that Missouri and Missouri fans are probably thanking their lucky stars that they are not in Texas A&M's position.

And another thing... it appears that the S.E.C. has another "Tiger" team. Well, I say we have too many fucking Tigers in the S.E.C. and so far I hate two of them. I haven't built up a hatred for Mizzou yet, but give that a decade and I probably will. Maybe two decades...

Florida doesn't stand a prayer against LSU so count that as a loss. The games against Georgia and South Carolina are in the air. It's difficult to tell who the favorite might be because Georgia made steps in 2011, but they couldn't beat Michigan State in a bowl game. So is Georgia really improving? Beats me.

The game against the 'Noles is also up in the air because I'm not sure how good Florida will be next year. Especially at the end of the year.

But they can certainly win the majority of the games on their schedule.

The Razorbacks get two freebies before they have to duel with the defending champs. Biased as I am, I'd count that one as loss for the 'Backs and the one against LSU could very well be a loss, too. Arkansas usually LSU pretty tough so I don't know. They'll win the majority of the games on their schedule and be in the hunt, too. Just like they were in 2011. But unless LSU and Alabama hit the ground with a thud... don't expect the 'Backs to make the S.E.C. Championship game.

Right off the bat Auburn faces the team that gave them their first loss in 2011. Not an easy opener. It's difficult to say how they might fare against Clemson. I see three obvious losses for Auburn, though: Arkansas, LSU, and Alabama. A loss against Georgia wouldn't surprise me, either.

And poor Kentucky... oh, wait... this is Tennessee. Well, they might as well be Kentucky. They could win four or five games. Remember the days when Tennessee was worth hating? It's pretty blurry for me when I try. Please get better this year Tennessee because it will mean so much more to me when my team kicks your orange and white ass on the Third Saturday in October.