As a Portland marriage counselor, I can tell you based on my experience that the first models we have for how relationships are supposed to work are our parents. If mom and dad have a loving, supportive relationship based on mutual trust, honest communication, and affection, we will have a healthier outlook on how a relationship should function. If, however, we witness our parents experiencing relationship issues – especially if they ignore those issues or deal with them in unhelpful ways – our sense of what a relationship is supposed to be will be skewed in ways that can harm all future relationships for us. I’ve seen this again and again.

Now, this isn’t to blame mom and dad for your relationship issues. Chances are, they were in the same boat you’re in, and they were just repeating a cycle because they didn’t know any better. As people, we get bogged down in what we want and often have a difficult time acknowledging the needs of others. But most of the time, this isn’t due to a lack of caring, but rather a lack of knowledge, which is why I highly recommend that everyone go through relationship education.

What I love about relationship education as a Portland marriage counselor is the deceptive simplicity of the idea. It teaches us things like the fact that it’s natural to have disagreements with our partner, and that it’s our responsibility to take a step back and approach tense situations as calmly and rationally as possible. That both people in a relationship need to agree to listen to each other and do their best to understand where their partner is coming from, asking questions and being willing to answer their partner’s queries without being combative. And simply letting people know that relationships, at times, will be hard, but that’s just part of the whole package.

The great thing about relationship education is that the principles you learn in it – ostensibly to interact with your spouse or significant other – apply to just about any relationship you’re going to have in life (friends, family members, coworkers, and random encounters on the street), and will make you better overall at simply dealing with other human beings. If you haven’t gone through relationship education yet, now is always the best time. Sign up for a Getting the Love You Want Workshop, or any of our other fine seminars, today!