Marvel's Avengers Assemble Some Husbands!

Impressive? Yes. Husband material? Hmmm...

Saving the Universe is all well and good but one day, they're going to want to settle down, otherwise, what's the point? Which got us thinking, which of the Avengers would make the most suitable husband? We'd do the wives side too if Marvel had got around to introducing any more women to the franchise so we'll have to get back to you on that. Meantime, we present the Broken Shark Guide to Husbanding an Avenger.

Tony Stark / Iron Man

BS Rating: 8/10

He’s likely to push you out of the way to get to the mirror and you may well not be the only girl he finds magnetic (sorry) but you’ll never need to hail a cab again, he has good taste in music and you’re bound to have one hell of a time with him that’s for sure. Also he drinks champagne, like all the time.

Pros

Cons

Stinking Rich

Raft of emotional issues / PTSD

Dashing

Narcissist

Unlikely to suffer heart disease

Not a heart you're going to find scratched on your school desk

Nice house

Frequently demolished

Shiny red outfit

Shiny red head girlfriend

So many shiny cars

You may not be into shiny

You're totally into shiny

Other girls are into shiny. Grrrrrr

Steve Rogers / Captain America

BS Rating: 5/10

Try as we might we just cannot get excited about straight as a die Steve. He will definitely be reliable AND can probably do the Lindy Hop but that’s just not enough for a Broken Shark kinda gal. Sorry Cap.

Pros

Cons

Reliable

Reliable

Probably good with household bills

So dull he doesn't even have a weapon

Won't expect you to go to work

Won't like it if you do

Won't die first due to slow ageing from super soldier serum

Will definitely leave you when you hit forty

Good on 50's politics

Won't stop banging on about the communists

Great gym buddy

For the first two sessions

Probably gets up early to make the most of the day

You're going to want to lie in occasionally and he is not going to be okay with that

Bruce Banner / The Hulk

BS Rating: 4/10

A tough one because Ruffallo’s Banner is too damn lovely for words but the fact that perhaps if we crashed our car he may Hulk up and kill us put us off a little bit. Sorry Hulk / Banner.

Pros

Cons

Seems like relationship material

Is the Hulk 'issue' like, genetic now? If so, bonus con for next generation therapy costs

Would win in a bar fight over you honour EVERY TIME

Sued continually by bar owners

Trousers grow with him, saving on midlife crisis sweat pants

Shirts - not so much

Definitely would resuce you from a gamma radiation blast

Fairly low chance this would be useful

He is Mark Ruffalo

Substantial father issues

Thor / Thor

BS Rating: 9/10

Handsome, seems to have good morals, speaks nicely, is polite and has a really big hammer. What’s not to love?

Pros

Cons

Wonderful Outfit

Likes it a bit too much

Wonderful hair

You're going to want to use the bathroom too

Great opportunities for inter-dimensional travel (no cost)

Family Christmas could be difficult

Should be good at DIY

Not sure the Ikea bookcase is compatible with that hammer

He is a god

Doesn't automatically bestow godess title on partner

Could actually get you a moon on a stick

Making your anniversary gifts look very tame

Loki / Loki

BS Rating: 6/10

Evil can be sexy but Loki’s narcissistic leanings mean he’d barely pay us any attention which just won’t work. On the plus side we could share hair products but I doubt he’d end us his cloak/pants/anything – Loki doesn’t share his toys.

Pros

Cons

Awesome dress sense

Seems unlikley to share his tailor with you

Highly unpredictable

Highly unpredictable

Great sense of humour

So long as you're not the subject

Can take any form - significant saving on Hallow'een costumes

You're always going to look like the one dressed as a velour pumpkin

Fantastic magician

Probably expensive to insure for kid's parties

Very well read

Because he spends a lot of time in jail

Clint Barton / Hawkeye

BS Rating: Non-Runner

Ermmmmmm who is he again?

Pros

Cons

Not high up on bad guy's hit list

What the hell does this guy do?

Can probably shoot an apple off somebody's head

What the hell does this guy do?

Struggling a bit here

Seriously, the world is imploding, giant robots / space aliens are laying waste to entire cities and this guy turns up with a bow and arrow?

.........

Honestly, even his name makes him sound like a Midwest carpet salesman. Can I interest you in this rug madam? Here, take my card in case you change your mind. That's right, just ask for Clint Barton. Number 1 saleman across all Ohio 2004....

Avengers: Age of Ultron is released in the UK on 23rd April 2015 and is reviewed here.