Advice on almost anything…

I am asking a question, in the hope that my wife will read your answer and recognize herself, which would be a great conversation starter! I know she reads you all the time.

I am a hard working guy, with a full time job. I put in my 40 hours a week, and usually get a shift or 2 extra every paycheck, so I am definitely NOT a slacker! I work hard all day, and when I get home, that is MY time, I want to kick back, watch the news or a game if there is one, maybe have a beer, and unwind from my day.

The problem is my wife is always on my case to help with the dishes, or help with the cleaning, or go work in the yard. Hey, I mow the lawn every weekend in the summer, settle down!

She has no respect for my time, if I am not doing something that she thinks is important, then she has no problem interrupting me and requesting I start doing something she approves of, which is usually some form of house cleaning.

I need my downtime to relax and recharge, and I need your help to make her see that she is being unreasonable for not allowing me to.

I Don’t Get No Respect!

Dear No Respect,

Where to start.

Awesome you are not a slacker. And kudos for mowing the lawn on those summer weekends.

I wish I knew a little bit more… like, does your wife also put in her 40 hours a week? The answer to that kind of dictates where I go with this, so I’m forced to make an assumption that she does, mainly because most people do.

But before we go down that path, I want you to imagine for a moment that you are not married. You still work 40 hours + every week, and you still mow the lawn roughly 12 times a year.

As this unmarried guy, do you envision yourself eating? Are you wearing clean clothes? Is your house a least a step up from squalor? Basically, are you taking care of those things called life?

Because if you weren’t married, you’d still have that full time job, but you would also have to do all the cooking, all the laundry and all the cleaning, all by your own self – just like a grown up. I’m guessing you’d let the yard work slip as a non-priority, but there’s not a lot of wiggle room on the other things, is there?

Now enter wife, stage left.

Assuming I am correct that she has a job, she too works her 40 hours, and then comes home, makes dinner (that you eat), washes dishes (that you eat off of), clothes (that you wear), floors (that you walk on) and bathrooms (that you pee in). Thankfully she doesn’t have to mow the lawn though, which frees her up for all those other menial tasks that somehow always seem to be there – grocery shopping, dry cleaning, car stuff…

I do agree that everyone needs their down time – and by that, I mean even your poor old annoying wife. Or do you not think she does?

It sounds to me like your wife is looking for an equal partner. And it sounds to me like she got the raw end of the deal.

I’m guessing you didn’t get what you wanted from me in this, but hopefully you did get a little kick in the butt that makes you realize you are taking advantage of your wife, and unless you want to be that single guy you just envisioned, I’d consider making a few changes.

Dharma

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4 Comments

A Marriage is an equal partnership. that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t get any down time, but it for sure doesn’t mean he is excused from all household things just because he has a day job. I don’t know why anyone would expect to be!