The Housewife Avatar

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I've finally become a card carrying adult. I turned 40 this weekend and I saw Avatar. The technical effects were outstanding, but they would be nothing without the deep love story that ran through it.

Who out there hasn't felt like an alien at some point in their marriage? Like nothing we did could ever please our spouse? Avatar's romance encouraged me, once again, to never give up. True love isn't one without flaws. It's loving someone despite them. It's about forgiveness and trust. It's about feeling comfortable enough to wail in anger, pain and, ultimately, ecstasy.

I lived all these emotions this weekend. On one hand, Rex and I had the glorious giddiness of a day without children. We walked to breakfast. We puttered in the house together. We got dressed up and went to dinner before the movie.

And yet... there were some major pitfalls. I let him take the kids to and from his parents, viewing it as a time for me to sleep in and be decadent. Sunday I rose early for church and then went to my mom's - something that he doesn't tend to do with me. I thought I was giving him time off. He saw it as me alienating him and not needing him around. In a rare showcase of emotions on Sunday, he burst into tears.

"You've been so negative lately," he said. "I can't take the hammer of your disappointment much longer."

It's true. I used to be much brighter and lighter. The past few months reared their ugly head of disappointments. I thought I was doing well by not blaming Rex for my hurt. But I also wasn't letting him into my heart.

Rex isn't innocent. He is emotionally distant by nature. I spend an awful lot of time alone with the house and the kids. I have gotten used to it. But I can't turn off and on like a light switch when suddenly, for the first time in years, we get 24 hours of alone time together.

I looked at my mate, so broken there in the kitchen. "He needs me," I thought. "And I need him. He's hurt my feelings over the years, but I've done the same."

We hugged each other and cried. I mean, really cried. Damn, marriage can be a bitch. But what an amazing place to grow. I am so lucky.

Once again, like the characters in Avatar, we decided to brave treacherous new worlds to ensure a happy, healthy existence for ourselves.

We cut coupons. We meal planned. We made school lunches and cleaned the freezer.

I'm still reeling from that experience. I know my mate isn't supposed to fulfill me 100%, but at the same time, how do I maintain my own balance and still feel connected? I know I'll get there. But sometimes I wish I had a personal Avatar who could make it all better for me.