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July 6, 2011

The Deal Breakers

For a change of scenery Bobby and I decided to visit Rainbow Mountain Resort Saturday night. Bobby's friend (Ex boyfriend really) Derek accompanied us. I know what you're thinking Rainbow Mountain that sounds uber gay, right? Like a land of a thousand fairies? If you ever saw the Friday The 13th movies the resort looks kind of like that, but only if it was a gay slasher movie with fags frolicking through the woods. I was expecting a buff guy in a hockey mask to jump out in front of me and stab me with his boner. Unfortunately that didn't happen. Maybe next time.

Rainbow Mountain Resort is actually located in the Pocono Mountains of Northeast Pennsylvania. Where the men are hairy and so are some of the women. They are a gay-owned and operated resort, restaurant and nightclub that is situated high atop a mountainside. I have no idea what the rooms/cabins were like because we didn't stay there over night. The views though were pretty even at night. They have a huge swimming pool and sundeck everyone knows how I love a big deck.

I didn't go in the pool. It was dark and I didn't want to accidentally swim into ropes of cum in the water. They also have a decent size hot tub, which to me just screams STD stew but to each their own. Some other amenities include; a heated changing room; an exercise facility; a sauna; tennis, volleyball, badminton and shuffleboard courts; a pond with paddle boats, fishing, and hand jobs provided by local lumberjacks. (kidding...kind of)

The nightclub was fun and that's where we spent most of our time. The crowd was rather mixed with pretty boys (mainly us), cornfed country boys, hippie rednecks, trannies, butch mountain men and lesbians looking for beaver. You have to experience it for yourself, really. The nightclub was like dancing in a barn surrounded by hard wood. It was complete with some mirrors, stripper pole and cage. What? Doesn't every barn have this? Like a naughty fetish barn. To be honest I was expecting to hear the song "Cotton-Eyed Joe" at any moment.

We all had a great time. Bobby ran into people he knew and an enemy he wished he hadn't. I swear this guy made me look like the butchest mo ever. His voice sounded like Karen Walker fucking a chipmunk! He was the biggest bitch I'd ever met, but that didn't deter Bobby from playing tonsil hockey with a tall mountainesque cornfed type hottie. I think they were doing reenactments from Glee, Finn and Rachael style. I lost sight of Bobby a few times. Who knows what he was doing. I personally hit it off pretty well with Bobby's friend Derek. We hung out while Bobby played "How much did a woodchuck, chuck." Derek looked like a cross between Cam Gigandet and Dane Cook. Almost as if they had a love child. I of course got a kiss from him once I told him this. Hey I know how to suck up.

There was something about Derek I couldn't put my finger on. I don't know maybe I did actually want to put my finger on it. I did stick my hands down his pants when he said he had no underwear on. Hey, I had to check, just doing my part for America! He actually has an infectious personality and I had felt like I had known him forever. Some of the people we've met Saturday actually found it hard to believe we had just met that night a few hours before. He reminded me alot of Kevin. You know mouth constantly open with other people's tongues in it. He was a shitload of fun though and I'm sure he'll show up in future posts.

Our trip to the wilderness that was Rainbow Mountain was fun I'd definitely go again and suggest you check it out if you're in their neck of the wood. Maybe next time I'll find myself a hot country boy who wants to plow my field. On our way home I began to think about the last time I was at Rainbow Mountain. This wasn't the first time I had been up there. Years ago probably about 7 now, I went there with a guy I was dating. His name was Fred. Fred and I only dated a short time because he crossed one of my deal breakers. He was extremely too clingy! After we had broken up he then proceeded to stalk me for three months. He even went to my house while I was out with other friends and introduced himself to my mother as my boyfriend! He had a few nuts loose obviously.

The Fred situation made me think about dating deal breakers and how everyone has them. Before a possible love connection can flourish there's always compromising that must be considered. Some guys have bad habits, some have bad behaviors and some are just plain weird. An example of a deal breaker could be hygiene although if he looked like this I may let it slide......in and out.

You have to figure out where your limit is. What you can handle. You could almost compare dating to a type of game show. People put all their cards on the table even if their hand sucks. It always best to be upfront and honest if there's an issue in the beginning of a possible love connection. I mean why waste your time, right? You either take it or leave it. BUT everyone has their threshold. A dating deal beaker is something that you just can't look passed and it causes you to say, "I can't do this!"

Bobby told me what his deal breakers are, "If I have to always drive to them (why are so many gay guys carless?)" He is right. "Driving Miss Daisy" was a cute movie but who wants to do that in real life. Honey you're no Jessica Tandy!

Bobby said the guy also has to be out. This actually is one of mine as well. When you're dating someone who isn't out but you are it's like taking a giant leap backwards. It almost feels like you're in the closet with them. Depending on the situation I wouldn't automatically break up with them, but I'd grab a wire hanger and do my best to coach them out. It's not always healthy to stay in the closet. It's one thing to not be out to certain people, but I couldn't deal with keeping it secret from absolutely everyone.

So what was Bobby's most important deal breaker? The one which isn't up for discussion at all? There's no compromising on this one! "We have to have safe sex all the time." As I always like to say, "No glove, no love!" This is a popular deal breaker among some of my friends and it should be. Why take the risk? If ya don't have a ballon, this clown ain't gonna play with you! They may not be concerned with their own health but YOU should be concerned with yours.

When I asked Knockers what his deal breaker is he said when guys constantly talk about their exes. This is a pretty common one and it's one I actually can't stand. I was out with this guy one time and had to tell him "I really don't want to hear about your ex anymore. He is your past concentrate on now." An "ex" is called an "ex" because it's an EXample of what you shouldn't have again in the future and it's an EXtreme waste of time.

Sunday was Kevin's graduation picnic. He recently graduated college. (*applause please) I can't believe he did it! This is a person that says "I don't feel like counting the alphabet" and asked me where Maine was. He is book smart, but maybe they are coloring books I'm not sure. (Just kidding.) While I was at Kevin's picnic I asked some of the girls what their deal breakers were and not surprising they have similar ones to gay boys. Bethany said she likes masculine take charge kind of men. This obviously is hard for her to find because she is such a sassy gay boy magnet! Kevin said, "I swear she's gonna end up marrying a gay dude one day." Lola said she likes them thick. she meant body type but I'm sure that included cock as well. Victoria said the guy has to be taller than she is. That's actually another one of mine. You must be this big to ride this ride. When I was in the middle of describing how I like my men strong and thick Kevin's grandmother walked in and her face was priceless. Oops my bad. I had fun with Kevin's family...they drink.

Kevin said his most important deal breaker "If they don't fit in with my friends then they are kicked to the curb!" Another friend of mine said, "My friends have to approve of the guy I'm going out with because my friends mean the world to me." Friends are important and I consider a majority of my friends an extension of my family so I can see why this deal breaker is a must. You always want your potential love interest to get along with your family and friends. I personally value Kevin, James, Bobby, and Sean's opinions on whomever I may be dating. Sometimes your friends can save you from some serious heartbreak. They may sense or pick up something you may not have. "If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends,
Make it last forever friendship never ends, If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give, Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is." Thank you Spice Girls!

When someone crosses your deal breaker you have to ask yourself, "Can I put up with this forever?" Somethings are made to be broken. Superficial deal breakers like appearance can be adjusted depending on the guy. It's the deal breakers that challenge your values that you have to decide if this could be worth it. Is it deal or no deal?

For information on Rainbow Mountain Resort please visit http://www.rainbowmountain.com
If you have a dating deal breaker and want to share it please click on the blue comment link below to submit.