(Riverside : California) Ucs News- While Californians take sides on the “Marriage Protection” ballot initiative a recent poll shows that most haven’t read the text of the proposed law. The propositions main focus is legalizing the discrimination of gays but hidden deep inside law are several other marriage protection “elements”.

According to supporters of the Proposition 8 the initiative will place constitutional limits on the age and breast sizes of secretaries and administrative assistants. “Single women below the age of 32 with a body mass index below 20.5 and a bust measurement of greater than 36 present a major threat to marriage.”

Sonja Eddings Brown, spokeswoman for the Protect Marriage Coalition, confirmed that provisions banning oversized LCD’s and NFL satellite TV season packages are also included in the Proposition.

We know the introduction of big screens into the home has caused great harm.” Speaking from personal experience Brown explained that after her 5th child she couldn’t get the last 45 pounds off and this caused her former husband to spend more time watching sports on that “dam plasma screen”.

Looking forward Brown has other ideas for how to improve the moral fiber of Californian’s. “If we can stop the fags from getting married we are one step closer to forced sexual reeducation and if possible banning interracial marriage. California will finally be free!”

Unconfirmed Sources political satire and news story parodies as represented above are written as satire or parody. They are, of course, fictitious.