United vs. Stoke

B&Q nominated for best dream about a talking raptor on a plane (@Benglorious)

Stoke are 19th in the league, so they’re not the worst. United aren’t 1st in the league, so they’re not the best. Should be a good game. Unless it’s bad. What am I, preview guy? Anyway, I’m away all weekend leaving those two nuggets in charge, so I’ll apologise now for all the ‘we were hacked’ tweets.

Prediction: Pogba to boss the dab or whatever. Rasherz to be reborn so he can have another Premier League debut to score in. He’ll look so cute in that tiny little kit. 5-0 United.

I hope they throw away the key. To Benno’s cell. I should make that clearer: he *is* under investigation for very serious offences against comedy (he killed a clown. Who was hilarious and a father of two. Its not funny)

I fucking hate Stoke.

Luke Cage (Netflix, 2016)

Luke Cage is badass. Repeatedly. And the soundtrack is amazing.

Prediction: Benno to do 8-10 in the pen (an 8 to 10 year stretch in penitentiary), Rashford to do 2-3 in the pen (to score 2 or 3 goals in the penalty area), Brett to write 2-10 words with a pen (as it sounds). Wayne to then confess to Benno’s crimes and be sentenced to life inside the sun (we fire him in a rocket into the sun)

With one of us “away all weekend”, after the court papers finally came through, for the incident with the DM pics and the mysterious fire at the recipient’s house after the threats and the cash money bribes, that we’re not allowed to talk about, we can all look forward to some proper good old fashioned lols on the MBM without the weakest link in the maverick circle of chain ring. Unless he’s invented some intelligent device that can remotely send content via ‘messages’, connected to some sophisticated worldwide information highway, while he’s ‘mobile’. It’s 2016. Not the future i.e 21st Century. Never. Gonna. Happen.