I wish American celebrities would stop pretending to support English football teams

Boil it all down to the marrow, and English football is about pain. Supporting a football team in this country is about pain. The pain of losing the derby, the pain of watching your best players sold to bigger clubs, the pain of listening to Michael Owen’s co-commentary on BT Sport. Stopping to think about it is dangerous. Why did you pay 70 quid to watch your team lose four nil at the Emirates ? Why do you spend four hours locked away in a dark room on a Sunday, staring at a screen, occasionally calling Charlie Adam a “cunt” in your head?

You do it because you don’t have a choice. You’re stuck with who you support and they’re stuck with you. It’s an umbilical bond, arguably stronger than the bond you have with friends and family, one you’d never think about breaking.

This curious mixture of pride and pain is easily wound up, insulted, affronted: by people who support two teams, by tourists at matches, by half and half scarves.

Well, American celebrities who tokenistically support English football teams are human half and half scarves. They have no idea what they’re talking about, no idea why they’re wearing an Aston Villa shirt. They’re doing it because they think it will make people like them. It’s painful, it’s embarrassing and it’s only getting worse. Here are the most flagrant examples American’s pretending to like English football teams:

Snoop, make your fucking mind up mate

Wonder what Sly thinks of Stevie Naismith’s move to Norwich?

Nah, but in all seriousness, I bet Will Ferrell is gutted that JT is leaving at the end of the season