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Tuesday, July 19, 2011

How could you?

One of the things I really struggle with in my mind to this day is how Brad could let his behavior affect the kids. He verbally abused, threatened, and physically hurt me in front of them. He was meaner to them when he was mad at me. He threatened to do things to them to get me to cooperate. He would say to me that we should not fight in front of them, and yet it he did it all the time. He would not even stop fighting so I could give them a bath or put them to bed. He might let me get the process started, but he would constantly interrupt to argue with me. As a result, the kids often went to bed two hours late and were wild at bedtime. I’m just going to list these entries below without commentary because I think they speak for themselves.

05/17/09 PM 4,5+ - mad because told him not to say “show me your boobs” in front of the kids – told me he would beat the kids if I left, told me he would kill me, said he would get the house

05/19/09 PM continued – 5 – mad because I did not re-text to say I was not quite leaving from the restaurant, cussed and yelled at me all the way home on the phone – told me to go talk in the bedroom because he did not want the kids to see him killing their mother- finally agreed to be ‘nice’ if I would just appreciate him

07/13/09 – Monday PM – 5+ mad because Cassie interrupted sex, told me I did not appreciate him trying to please me, yelled, cussed wh**e, b***h, c**t in front of kids, would not stop – blocked my way, pushed me down in bedroom, threatened to hit me w/bowl and hand, shoved me in hallway between kids rooms, told me he would cheat and that I could cheat, accused me of cheating, would not let me put kids to bed, said he would not help unless I apologized

07/22/09 Wednesday – 5+ - mad because he thought I would not have sex – brooded all day – accused me of cheating – would not answer phone all day – strangled me in front of Cassie- threatened to kill me several times - does not want divorce, wants me to forgive the past – agreed to no sex for a while then asked for sex, would not stop talking or let me give the kids a bath or feed them

08/17/09 Monday PM – 5+ - mad because I said “so what’s your story, do you want to do this or not” about sex – then said I thought he had been disgruntled all day – threatened to kill me twice in front of the kids, threatened to beat me and Luke if I wouldn’t listen – threatened to put the kids outside if I did not listen, told me I have to take responsibility for my actions, shoved me hard in front of kids because I tried to walk away

09/30/09 Wednesday PM – 5+ - repeatedly called until I answered, threatened to take kids to CA, threatened to beat me to death, take all my money, the house, make kids hate me, told me I have to be nice to him or don’t come home

10/01/09 Thursday PM – 5+ - mad because I would not agree to sex more than twice a week once we’re ‘better’ – insisted I answer the question about whether I would make sue rot initiate and give him back the same TLC. Insisted I answer him and threatened me when I did not. Threatened to beat me, would not let me leave the room, shoved me – I told him to let me get by – but he would not – I felt trapped. Kids were there for part, shouted very loud at Luke because he asked him 3 times to come downstairs and he did not- Luke cried for quite a while and was scared, Brad did it because he was mad at me – insisted I agree to give him the same TLC as he gives me

10/04/09 Sunday – 5++ - mad because I would not ‘use different words’ to tell him how I was going to change in the future, would not stop arguing, told kids I was a b***h and immature, shoved me down on bean bag to pull my pants off – shoved me against the door, cornered me in the kitchen, Cassie was crying, Luke was crying, followed me to bedroom so I would ‘just answer his questions’ – shoved me on bed later, told me I have to change and make love to him more than once a week, I have to make him not ‘regret’ because of him not being Michael (ex boyfriend), went on for hours, kept coming in to bath with kids and Cassie’s room and Luke’s room when I was reading
10/08/09 Thursday PM – 5+ - mad because I would not answer his question/demand about how I was going to make him feel special – went on for hours –would not let me start bath -insisted on coming into Luke’s room, shoved me and yelled in front of kids, insists he will stop acting bad, but I have to stop physically reacting to his behaviors – that’s what “sets him off”

10/29/09 Thursday AM – 2- still mad because I won’t commit to sex, called Cassie a b***h when she spilled her food and said it was ok to call her that because I was a b***h too, because I would not give him sex

It's so horrible that it's almost unbelievable. Surely no father would ever do or say these things. And yet, it's all true. It's textbook manipulative, abusive behaviour. He always thought and still thinks he's a wonderful father and that he would never hurt the kids. My answer: you already have.

About Me

I am a domestic violence survivor. One of my mottos as things got tough, especially after I left my husband, was "I can do this, I can be strong." It is my sincere desire that I can play a part in giving this courage to others in the same situation by sharing my story.