Humor: Application for Permission to Date my Daughter

I came across this today and, since I am the father of three girls, decided to make it public for possible suitors to prepare themselves as well as for other fathers who may need it. Note, this is slightly changed from the original version that I received!

ACCESSORIES SECTION:

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? __Yes __No

(IF YOU ANSWERED ‘YES’ TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)

ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does ‘LATE’ mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does ‘DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER’ mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does ‘ABSTINENCE’ mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend ___________________________________________________

How often you attend ________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

Father? _____________

Mother? _____________

Pastor? _____________

SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.

A. If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

______________________________________________________________

B. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

______________________________________________________________

C. A woman’s place is in the:

______________________________________________________________

D. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

______________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up?

______________________________________________________________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

______________________________________________________________

G. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual.

Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)

To prepare yourself, should you, by some ice cube’s chance in HELL, be even remotely considered, start studying Daddy’s Rules for Dating, which is attached to this Application.

Daddy’s Rules for Dating

Your dad’s rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you’re a guy)

Rule One:

If you pull into my driveway and honk, you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:

You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open-minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:

I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a ‘Barrier method’ of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:

It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: ‘early.’

Rule Six:

I have no doubt you are a popular fellow with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:

As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:

The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:

Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.

laces where there is darkness.

Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.

Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka – zipped up to her throat.

Movies with strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay.

Hockey games are okay. Old folks’ homes are better.

Rule Nine:

Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a slow, potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:

Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway, you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car – there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

HTD Says: Boys – you had better read up! Dads – be sure to get this form!

Humor: Application for Permission to Date my Daughter was last modified: May 17th, 2012 by Michael Sheehan

Now i know how to deal with boys that want to have a date with my daughter :)

Reen Cox17

My BOY”S would abide all of this ABSOUTLEY!!!! But they will be wearing CUB'S attire!!!

Marylutn

One problem, Dad. Girls, even GROWN women will choose scary movies (such as chain saw movies) so they can feign fear and jump into their dates arms or at least hold their hand so they can be comforted. Better update that idea. :)

THis was hilarious. I enjoyed reading about some of the things I need to make a note about. I have a daughter and need to prepare for her dating. THis is a great fun way to start thinking more seriously about that time.

I am really not too familiar with this subject
but I do like to visit blogs for layout ideas. You really expanded upon a
subject that I usually don’t care much about and made it very exciting. This is
a unique blog that I will take note of. I already bookmarked it for future reference.
Thank you..

your blog is such a wonderful place to socialize,
you have a lot of well written and fun to read articles no wonder you have a
good following in your website. I will definitely bookmark this and make sure
to regularly check for updates

However, if there is a measurable shift in population or revenue as a result of the various negatives that haunt the game, it is way too small to readily chart. Similarly, I’ve never witnessed any event where something has become bugged or a new hack comes out that inspires players to toss up their hands and call it a day all at once.cribbble

That’s a matter of taste. Personally, I’ve always seen Neume as a playful, good-nature sort of funny whereas Linus is that sarcastic, insult-you-but-make-you-laugh-anyway sort of funny. Regardless, they both make me laugh. mailin

he APR is an automated defense that catches the presence of third party tools when it detects their interference with the data going back and forth between the client and server. Unfortunately, it’s not foolproof. There are ways to bypass APR detection, which is how many third party tools continue to get around its current detection field. This is why the APR is always being updated, allowing it to catch a wider variety of tools or affording defenses that are impossible to get around. Players like to go on about how the APR doesn’t work at all or that it only catches legal players for non-third party tool programs, but they don’t see the behind-the-scenes reports that GMs do. The APR blocks the majority of third party tools and there are only a small handful that can get around it at the moment.scoruri live

i know this question is stupid for some of you ppl ( it is for me also )and its stupid to ks but i have to ask it couse of arguments i have with some in game players.
sry for takeing your time off http://www.optimizareweb.biz/

The way you article making is verifiably well known. I like the post you put here on this site. This one is truly advantageous for each one of the individuals who are looking this sort of stuff on web crawler. Thankful concerning Sharing such exceptional data and continue posting. Article Writing

I currently am a Senior Manager of Content Marketing within the Solutions Marketing group at Riverbed. I previously worked at HP as a Senior eCommerce Content Marketing Manager and at Intel Corp as a Brand Journalist and Social Media Strategist. All of content on this site is my opinion and not of any employer or company unless otherwise noted. See my About page for more details.

Subscribe to HTD!

Subscribe to the HTD Newsletter

Want updates from HighTechDad.com? My newsletter comes out monthly (may change in the future) with a recap of latest articles, some "exclusive" content not appearing on the site, a flashback from times past and other articles of interest.

Subscribe to the HighTechDad Newsletter

Would you like updates from HighTechDad.com? My email newsletter comes out monthly (this may change in the future) with a recap of latest articles, some "exclusive" content not appearing on the site, a flashback from times past and other articles of interest.