What's the Juggalo Nation? Our Fake Juggalo Correspondent Tells All.

Wud up my homie juggalos and juggalettes? This is Violent R up in this bitch, here to announce the latest happenings on the best motherflippin band on this flat planet—Insane Clown Posse (or ICP, for all you abbreviatin pimps). In case you haven't heard yet, there's a monthly (that's right, every fuckin month. All 13 of them.) YouTube news program for all you double clickin fools. It's called Hatchet Happenings. My homies Sugar Slam and DJ Clay, not to mention Upchuck the Clown, will be giving you the latest in ICP related newses. And let me just add, I agree with my clowners when they say: "The feeling of discovering that this is going to happen every month is unapproachable, you guys. Headphones UP." Here's the first fuckin show, you bitches! Watch it now, and take a look at the drawing of the boombox with the nutsack. That's all me. My pen-is mightier than the sword. Haha! I be having fun with words, ya heard?

And for all you Nightline watching motherkillers, check out this interview with ICP and Martin Bashir, that dude who fucked Michael Jackson in the ass (not literally, but I'm just sayin. That was some shitty ass journalism that no Colombia professing homie would eva preach). He tried to get all serious on my Violent J ("How do you write a line like, 'From Pluto to Uranus, I'm underground famous'?"). But my bros with the hos handled that shiz like motherswitchin pros!

And for all my bitches who couldn't make it out to Cave-in-Rock, IL, to the most controversial music festival in the world, and I think you know what I'm talkin about, limp dicks. I'm talking about the 10th Annual Gathering of the Juggaloooooossssss!!!! It was a gay ole time, I mean, that shit was off the chain link fence, ya'll! And Violent J was totally on the money when he compared this gathering to when Muslims go to Mecca. That's right, he said that, and guess what, it's better than Mecca, homedogs. It's where Mecca goes to pray! Jesus in the house! My favorite event of all? The Beach Boys BBQ Blowout Bash Blast. That's right. It was a bash. And a blast. And a blowout. Sure, they could have just cut a motherfucking adjective off that bitch, but they wanted to put all those party-related B-words in that title, sluts. Because you can't have too many words, ya'll. I had so much fun at the BBQ Blowout Bash Blast that I almost jizzed Fago out my anus. And yes, that's possible, so don't call your doctor when it happens, fools.

Now I know what ya'll might be thinking. What about the haters? You know, those bitches who be hatin on our underground, psychopathic lives? Like those motherfudgers over at Saturday Night Live. Those ad-libbin wannabes think they so funny. Well guess what, they aint! See for yourselves.

And for all you independent radio listening hos, I know you heard the WFMU (more like WFMUSUCK) where they made fun of our gathering. Well I have a word for Tom Scharpling and Paul F. Tompkins: You aint dope! Watch your fat backs! Listen at the 1:27 mark to those haters.

Anywhoddigs, I'm tired. This has been a long day and I need my hos, you know? So peace out, keep puttin that makeup on your faces, and never forget, where there are clowns, there are insane clowns. In a group, posse-style. Word.

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