The Other Side of Coping with Prostate Cancer

by Michael A. Hoyt, PhD

Inevitably, men encounter stressful
situations, unpleasant circumstances,
and a host of persistent
physical and emotional challenges after
a prostate cancer diagnosis. Regardless
of the type of treatment received, physical
changes, sleep problems, pain, and
discomfort are just some of the difficulties
faced by survivors.

In response, many men are typically
quite good at doing. Actively approaching
the decisions, situations, and circumstances
surrounding prostate cancer can
be an effective way to manage the diagnosis.
For instance, after being diagnosed
with prostate cancer, many men go into
“information-seeking” mode, trying to
learn what they can about prostate cancer
and the various treatment options.
Collecting the facts, talking to medical
professionals, and planning for the next
steps can be helpful approaches to meeting
new and difficult challenges.

At the same time, there is no denying
that men also feel. Some find themselves
overwhelmed with worry, feeling angry
or sad, or finding it difficult to adjust to
changes in their body or lifestyle. Men
who utilize tools for managing their
emotional responses to prostate cancer
are better equipped for both the doing
and the feeling that comes with adjusting
to life after prostate cancer.

Accessing Your Network
Getting
the support you need can be an important
part of managing negative emotions
after prostate cancer. Most people gain
a sense of belonging, encouragement,
inspiration, and reassurance from their
relationships with other people. However,
when we feel vulnerable, confused,
or powerless, we sometimes react by
isolating ourselves from others and from
the very things that could be helpful to
us during difficult times.

Women feel and men
do – or so “the experts”
say. But in order to best
manage their disease, men
with prostate cancer must
also learn how to get in touch
with their feeling side.

Likewise, when we withdraw from
other people, we miss the chance to provide
support to others, thereby reinforcing
our feelings of inadequacy, guilt, or self-blame.
Of course, knowing what you
need from others is sometimes difficult
to determine. Figuring out who can provide
the type of support you need and
avoiding the urge to close yourself off
from these people can be an important
tool for healing. Support groups, Internet
forums, and other opportunities to
meet other men with prostate cancer
can also provide a particular type of
support that other people in your life
may not be able to offer.

Sharing Your Feelings
There is
something to the age-old wisdom of “not
keeping it all bottled up.” Studies have
shown that there
are physical and
psychological benefits
to expressing
your feelings.
Some research
even suggests that
writing about what
you feel in an
attempt to understand
and release your emotions may
benefit you even if no one else reads it.
Taking the time to consider your feelings
and expressing those feelings can be
beneficial in quelling negative emotions.

Rethinking It
Many people when
faced with an unpleasant or stressful
situation tend to focus on their negative
feelings and allow those feelings to
paralyze them. Tuning into how you
think may be as useful as knowing what
you think in order to overcome inertia
and move beyond negativity. When
faced with a difficult challenge, ask
yourself these questions: What did I
learn from this? How can I do this better?
What positive result could come
from this? The process of searching for
the good in a bad situation can help you
work through your feelings, allow you
to reinterpret the situation, and provide
you with a new way to think about that
situation the next time it occurs.

Avoiding Avoidance
We all need
an escape from time to time. Engaging
in activities we love can be a terrific way
to give ourselves a healthy distraction
from worries, concerns, and even physical
discomfort. However, denying what
we feel, pretending that what is happening
around us isn’t occurring, or using
unhealthy means of escape (like alcohol
or drugs) will only make things worse.
In fact, research has shown that men with
prostate cancer who regularly avoid their
feelings, deny what is happening, or
ignore reality tend to experience more
difficulties, more negative feelings, and
even worsening physical symptoms.

Life after prostate cancer is difficult in
new ways for many men. Old ways of
coping may not be the best match for
new kinds of problems. Men who recognize
that adding feeling tools to their
doing tools will be better able to handle
the challenges of prostate cancer.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

Dr. Michael Hoyt is an assistant
professor in the School of Social
Sciences, Humanities, and Arts at the University
of California, Merced.

This article was originally published in Coping® with Cancer magazine,
July/August
2010.