These are the lyrics from my last song (DM).
The fact is that after playing this crap 1st time live at the third chorus the people were already singing the lyrics with me (and I do some low growls). Maybe because of the chorus' 1st line that sounds more like a pop cliche.
Please post some comments about this SHIT! It will help me a lot!

Forbidden Skies

I know what you feel inside
I feel the same way too,
I know where you go when you hide.
I know the pain and sorrow cries
At night I'm crying too,
Forever darkness in your eyes.

Chorus:
When you need me I'll be there
To wash away your pain
When you call me by your grave
I shed a tear
When you'll call me I will rise
Under forbidden skies
When you turn away I'll come
To bring the silence.

And feelings that past before
The acheing memories,
Your image in a burning star.
Nights when I was in your dreams
An everflowing stream
Keeping alive your unmasked side.

[solo 1]

The moonlit sky, calling you
In the rageous waves aside
The silver sand has lied.
You couldn't run away from your death
So I stayed by your side
And joined you in your endless ride.

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METAL ON !!

2003-02-01, 18:15

xDarkestHourx

Senior Metalhead

Join Date: Sep 2002

Location: Atlanta, Ga, USA

Posts: 153

I hate it, and that's not knocking you, I just well....hate it. No offense

Cheers,
xx

__________________

"As Horrifying as Being Raped by a Grizzly Bear in Front of a Full Body Mirror" one of my many song titles

2003-02-04, 08:07

Mornyano

New Blood

Join Date: Nov 2002

Location: Finland

Posts: 36

Too much crying and tears!!! Lose them!!! Other than those it was good in very lame way.

It's like the pain in you
Has wandered sa far away
From cold winter nights
Following a dead dream.

I was sentenced to die
Crowned on a throne a fire
That was my last wish
To ride along with my past

War in my head. War is all I see.
Leading the forces of Darkness
Cover the white battle fields
With blood and gore.

Chorus:
-
I thought I could hear it loud
The Wolf's howl announcing Death
Sredding my mind. I was now
Riding through the Endless.

As lying in white,
The sky fell down,
My past has died,
As Darkness was reborn.
-

We're riding splitting the ice
Carried by our dreams of the End
Our glory shall unite us
We're faster than Death.

Like an arrow we make our way
Whatever stands in front
Shall become wrath to our gods
And burried deep in pain.

Unleashing my demons' lust
I was finaly free of it all
I couldn't feel nor pleasure or pain
Regaining my crown.

__________________

METAL ON !!

2003-02-11, 09:52

Mornyano

New Blood

Join Date: Nov 2002

Location: Finland

Posts: 36

Thats better. I really like.

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Lle n'vanima ar' lle atara lanneina

2003-02-12, 14:53

L,B'XXX

dsnt trust ne1 < 30

Join Date: Jan 2003

Location: Home is where the <3 is

Posts: 8,881

Just a suggestion, but if you post the other lyric separately you'll get more hits because it'll be visible as a new post. You could still do that. I will get back to reread these soon as I can. I don't have the time right now to comment, but I will. And from a scan, I think I liked the 2nd one the best just for a rough commentary.

2003-02-13, 10:57

L,B'XXX

dsnt trust ne1 < 30

Join Date: Jan 2003

Location: Home is where the <3 is

Posts: 8,881

I'm back now.
1st one- I dunno. When I read the first one the other day I couldn't get into it at all, but today is a new day and it's hitting me different now. Unless it's just growing on me. I thought the flow was good. I like the way you've used some subtle imagery in speaking and using 1st person makes it more attractive , too. Not bad.

2nd one- "With blood and gore." - I thought adding 'and gore' to this line made it sound a bit juvenile. I think just leaving it at 'with blood' might be all you need there to give a massacred feeling since you mentioned battlefield already, but if you have music to it leave it alone. It's not that big of a deal.

We're riding splitting the ice
Carried by our dreams of the End
Our glory shall unite us
We're faster than Death.

Like an arrow we make our way
Whatever stands in front
Shall become wrath to our gods
And burried deep in pain.

Unleashing my demons' lust
I was finaly free of it all
I couldn't feel nor pleasure or pain
Regaining my crown.

I liked that whole part. All in all, not bad. Don't know if I was of any help , but at least you have another opinion. Now write some more !

Man, I get real sweaty after I wack my dong. Yeah, cause I headbang while I do, and I can't really "Jump" (haha ) like VanHalen in a dorm room, so I just walk back and forth....haha a couple days ago I was jumping up and down on my bed, with my pants down and my roommate came in when I wasn't looking, hahaha.