News To Wake Up For

500 Thousand Termites Destroy Tiny Dream Home

This is crazy, and you have never seen how fast a colony of termites can rip through your dream home, just take a look at this video and hope this never happens to you.

Now, imagine that is your home! The absolute destruction that a colony of termites can cause in a short period of time is unbelievable. They can destroy all wood aspects of your home, framing, flooring, roofing, and cabinetry. If you see signs of termite damage in your home, you need to contact a pest control company to evaluate the damage and provide you with some options for treating termites.

Most of the time termite damage is pretty noticeable, the tunnels are obvious, and so are the maze-like designs they carve into the wood. These patterns are pretty distinct and it’s hard to confuse termite damage with any other kind of insect damage.

If you are building your home, there are some great tips on termite prevention that you should read thoroughly to make sure you are avoiding termites at all costs. By setting up permitter barriers, you can keep termites at a distance from your structure for a long time. These treatment sessions however, will need to be applied quarterly to ensure termites are not invading your property.

In the initial stages of your build, you may also opt-in for termite treated wood. Obviously, the more preventative your efforts are, the more it will cost you in the beginning, but those costs are nothing compared to the damage termites can cause to your home permanently.

Termites are easily the most dangerous insect infestation your property could face. Unless you are allergic to bees, this is definitely the biggest problem you could encounter as a home owner. You can also check the trees on your property to make sure they haven’t been attacked by termites.

If you notice a termite problem and it appears to be at an advanced stage, it is highly recommended that you call a termite control specialist and a general contractor to evaluate the damage and give you a quote for replacing any wood structures that are weight bearing wood beams that may have been damaged by the termites.

As you can see in the video termites are very aggressive and should be taken seriously. Do everything you can to avoid this type of damage and keep termites far away from your property.

Here’s The Skinny On Plus Sized Girls

I gotta admit I have a bit of a thing for plus sized girls, and honestly I’d much rather date one than a slim one. I love to eat and you know a bigger girl is gonna be your partner in crime when it comes to dining. When I go out to eat, I go out to eat! I ain’t trying to pick at appetizer-sized portions, I want a meal and I don’t ever have leftovers. Plus sized girls that can tackle a meal and a cocktail are the kind of girls I wanna spend a Friday night with. When I hit the club for some 2-step action on the dance floor, I have my eyes on the girls in the plus size nightclub dresses! The way they be shaken to the groove makes a man like me wanna swoop in from behind and whisper something sexy in her ear, like “hey baby, how about you and me leave this club and go get some conversation started over some chicken and waffles”. You can’t say something sexy like that to a skinny girl, she might turn around and toss a drink in your face.

Plus sized girls in plus-sized dresses just have a way about them that demands a mans attention, the way they walk, the way they talk, there is something about them that’s like voodoo for a dude like me. The plus size nightclub dresses I like on a woman are elegant, not too revealing, but show enough leg and shoulder that inspire me to ask the fine lady for a dance. The club can be a crazy place full of gold dig’n women and scum bag men, so finding a plus-sized girl in the club who carries herself like a lady is like finding a diamond in the rough. Of course, having a guy like me approach them for a dance is something special also, how many times have you had smooth operator approach you in the club and ask you if you wanna go get some chicken and waffles? That might not be the line most girls wanna hear, but my plus sized ladies know what I’m talk’n about, and the fellas definitely know what I’m talk’n about. If you ain’t ever had chicken and waffles after dancing at the best night club in Texas, you miss’n out. One thing you wanna be cautious of though is getting syrup on your club clothes!

The plus-sized girls I meet in the club enjoy extra butter and syrup on their waffles and I have seen plenty of them dribble some and make a mess of they plus-sized dress. This may be an opportunity for you though, I mean think about it. You hit the club, meet a fine plus sized girl dance’n on the floor, you whisper in her ear in the most sexy voice you got “hey baby, how about some chicken and waffles?” Next thing you know you at the waffle shack and she’s got two orders in front of her, now that’s love at first sight if you ask me! Next thing you know she got chicken grease and syrup on her fancy look’n plus-sized dress and is trying to clean it up with some wet naps. That’s when you make your move and invite her back to your place to wash the dress. It’s an easy invite if you lure her with some Ben and Jerry’s, if she says yes to that you might as well start planning the wedding.

Now, you need to be cautious of the plus sized dresses in the washing machine, depending on the size it can throw things of balance and make a racket in the laundry room. Best that you spread the dress out evenly in the washing machine, hit it with some extra laundry detergent in case she broke a sweat when she was bust’n a move on the dance floor. Now chances are you don’t have any extra clothes for her to wear while she waits, unless you a plus-sized dude like me and have some plus sized sweats and a t-shirt, then you good. Now it’s time to make this girl yours, forget the wine, it’s time to pull out the double fudge brownie Ben and Jerries, two spoons and throw on the Dave Chappelle show. If she’s eat’n that ice cream up, laugh’n along to some Dave Chappelle, and not even think’n about her plus-sized nightclub dress in the wash’n machine, you got yourself a keeper. And that my friends is the skinny on plus sized girls in the club!

Wake And Bake With THC Coffee!

Wake Up!Or do you need a cup of Joe first to get the blood pumping? How about some coffee to get you up and some THC to get you high? With the legalization of Marijuana around the country, THC is being infused into just about anything you can ingest, huff, puff, or inhale! These new lines of THC coffees have me excited for many reasons, but two specifically.

I love coffee.

I love THC.

The list referenced above is a true story, believe it or not! A morning cup of Joe infused with some purple kush just might be the kinds of fuel my brain needs to get work done around here! It’s as natural as the earth itself and has plenty of health benefits to go along with it. We all know that coffee is a major source of anti oxidants, and if you didn’t know, full spectrum hemp oils are power house sources of nutritional value. Combine the two and you have a true mind, body, and soul experience that is sure to make the day great. Imagine waking up in the morning and brewing a Keurig coffee cup in an instant that’s a combination of caffeine and THC. That would be the most convenient dosage ever and I guarantee the community of cannabis consumers would sip that Joe fo sho!

There are already a ton of coffees on the market that have infused THC with the coffee bean and brewers everywhere are jumping at the bit to get in on the action. Here are a few companies that are stoning the competition!

This cold brewed bottle of coffee infused goodness is enough to get the blood pump’n and the brain cells puff’n. This cold bottle of hippie brew comes with a 25g dose of THC to make the day the happiest it can be!

This brew and bud combo was built to be used in any of the pod friendly devices out there on the market. I’m talking k-cup style THC infused coffee. Coffee pods plus pot equal a pot of pot coffee. See where I’m going with this?

This dose of dope infused brew consists of 10mg of THC and 100mg of caffeine. Talk about the perfect ratio! I like just enough THC to spark the mental, followed with enough caffeine to turn those creative thoughts into action. One without the other is like food without the salt, it just ain’t that good.

Another brand that is getting into the pod market, these pot infused pods are the perfect way to start your day. Most people have jobs, and jobs suck! A cup of this in the AM will surely make that shitty work day more manageable. For those of you with actual careers, this just makes everything better – see, this is for everyone!

Another play on the word game, thought I was first with the slick talk until I came across this brand. I can dig it, they are cool enough to create a brand of hand crafted infused cannabis coffee, I’m sure if I ever met the mastermind behind this batch of love we would end up blazing one over a cold brew.

I am a huge fan of all these tonics that have hit the market. I see them infused with various herbs and roots, but this hemp infused tonic is the chronic! They have a wide variety of flavors to offer, enough THC to get the gears of the mind in motion, and I like anything therapeutical, so this is a no brainer.

I like ganja, I like coffee, and I like to grind. Waking up and grind’n out my day has always been the way of this guy. Gimme some THC infused Ganja Grindz and my mindz ablaze in ways never known to folks. If you hire me, just don’t give me a drug test, because I will fail miserably.

How A Blue Jays Game Turned Into A Plumbing Nightmare

I went up to Toronto August 3rd to catch the Blue Jays and Mariners game (results here) with my buddy. We are both fans of the Jays, in fact, we have been Toronto fans since the days of George Bell if that tells you anything! Anyway, whenever we are in Toronto we eat like kings and drink like fish, there is nothing healthy about that trip when we make it. The game was awesome, the Jays beat the Mariners 7-2 which gave us even more reasons to celebrate!

During the game though, my stomach started churning, and I had to take a dump bad. I can usually fight off the cramps and gurgles, but when I start sweating it’s time to make a dash to the can! My buddy knew what was up, we have been around each other long enough that when he saw that look on my face it was clear that I needed to get to the restroom immediately. I jumped out of my seat and walked to the restroom at a pretty decent pace. When I arrived there was a small line, I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it, or if I was going to just have to drop this load in my shorts and flush them down the toilet. As my turn was approaching, I could feel this thing turtle necking and trying to push its way out my bum. The sweat was pouring on hard, I had pitted out my shirt, and my forehead was dripping.

After standing for almost 10 minutes in line, I reached point of no return, I had a little slip and totally sharted. I couldn’t tell if it was visible yet from behind, so I just closed my eyes and waited for the next bathroom stall to open. Some old guy cam wondering out of the stall and I almost knocked him over trying to get in there before he even had a chance to get out. Once I entered the stall, I couldn’t get my drawers off quick enough, within seconds I was sitting on the toilet and letting loose. I’m pretty sure everyone in Rogers Centre heard the disaster that was taking place. After 15 minutes of toilet time, two flushes, and half gallon of sweat, I was ready to wipe up and get out of there. The only issue I had was the start stained underwear I had been wearing, I wasn’t about to pull those back up and watch the rest of the games with them on.

So, I made a beer influenced decision and decided that my compression underwear was thin enough to flush down the toilet. Ask me why I made that decision when I’m sober and couldn’t tell you, catch me with a few beers in me and ask and I’ll tell you I had no choice. Prior to flushing though, I wound the underwear up into something that resembled a rope, something that could easily slither it’s way through the Rogers Centre plumbing system and into the sewer lines. It was this intoxicated reasoning that led me to one of the most embarrassing plumbing disasters I have ever been a part of.

I twisted up the underwear and slid it into the toilet like a snake, I have had poops that resembled this so I figured I was safe. Once the underwear was pretty much out of site I decided to flush, what I should have done is just left it and let the next guy flush. I pushed down the handle and it was an experience that was lived out in slow motion. I could hear the water struggling to drain and watched it start to back up, as the water was backing up it was almost like it was sucking everything back out of the pipes and into the toilet bowl. The water was getting darker, toilet paper was resurfacing, and I was in a panic, what did I just do?

I tried to casually walk out of the stall, but that’s kinda hard to do when there are 20 people behind you trying to use that toilet. I waived it off as if I knew nothing about why the toilet was clogged, but as I turned the corner to wash my hands I heard someone say “hey, there is underwear in this toilet”. By this time the water was overflowing and the place was turning into a scene of chaos. They needed the best drain cleaning services in Toronto to clean that mess up. Hopefully they were able to reach a qualified plumber in time to get the toilet fixed before the 7th inning stretch.

I returned to my seat almost 40 minutes later only to see my buddy laughing hysterically at me. My shirt was soaked in sweat, my face red from embarrassment, and he knew it was time for a beer. We left the game early and headed over to the best pub in Toronto for some cold ones. Not sure I will ever return to Rogers Centre after that one.

Finding An Okie Chick To Date

If you just moved to Oklahoma and are having some issued finding a girl to date that’s not a Thunder fan, good luck! Seems every girl you cross paths with out there is screaming Westbrooks name even in the off season. It’s not like they ever won a championship, except when they were in Seattle and were playing as the Sonics, they got one then, but have never been good enough since being stolen from Seattle to make a legit run in the finals. Look, I’m not here to bash the team, I’m here to bash the girls I keep meeting that act like the team is the best thing to happen to basketball.

I was at an OKC bar last month on business and struck up a good conversation with you gal I would have considered dating material. She had a beautiful smile, held a solid conversation about a wide range of topics, could drink a few beers, and seemed like a genuine person. These are the kinds of people I enjoy meeting when I’m traveling, and since I frequent OKC I need to know where to find more chicks like this to date. She had some ideas she threw out there for a second date, she seemed real familiar with the area and live most of her life there. I’m a fan of culture and good food and it seemed she her finger on the pulse of the OKC food and art scene.

We committed to meet up the following weekend for a drink and night at the OKCMOA. We met up at a local brewery called the Anthem Brewing Company and threw back a few bottles of beer. It was just enough to get us both to open up and converse beyond the surface material we had been talking about. Some decent discussions about life, goals, and dreams. It was a cool hour spent at the brewery before we ventured off to the OKCMOA.

The OKCMOA is a pretty cool art museum downtown. They have local art pieces on display in addition to some rotating pieces that were making their way around the country. There was a cool women’s golf gallery that had some old golf clubs that were turned into an art piece. There were also some manakins on display that featured some very artistic throwback styles of old womens golf clothes. We both enjoyed the creativity at the museum, art is such a pleasure to observe with someone else that has an eye for it.

I gotta say after two dates I’m pretty impressed with this. Okie chick. We have so many things in common, laugh hard, and truly enjoy hanging out with each other. The second date we kissed goodbye at the end, I didn’t even try grabbing her tits, I enjoyed her company enough that I wasn’t willing to risk pissing her off over a boob squeeze. I will wait on that one. I head back to OKC in a few weeks and have another date lined up with her. Should be a good time, looking forward to hanging with my Okie Chick!

Wake Up Fat Ass! It’s Crossfit Time!

Put the Twinkie and soda down fat boy, it’s time to Wake Up! and smell the coffee!! Life is short, not as short as your pecker, but it’s damn short! If you want this thing to end sooner than is natural keep eating junk and sitting on your ass, if you want to live a long healthy life you better start thinking about a few things that are going to make a difference in your timeline. One of those things is diet, the other is exercise. There are a dozen ways to skin a cat, the same goes with diet and exercise chunk-boy! You gotta find a diet that works for you, stop stuffing your face and learn about a little thing called eating in moderation. Thanksgiving is once a year, not weekly porker! When you add some exercise to those kind of eating habits you get results and those results I’m talking about is good health. So, now that we have the diet all figured out and you know that healthy foods in moderation are going to give you a better chance at living than your McDonalds diet you are currently hogging out on, it’s time to talk exercise. You can get buy walking the block, pumping the rusty weights in your folks backyard, or doing P90X in your basement, but if you want to make real strides you will join a gym. Getting into a gym and training in an environment where you can get support from the people there is gonna push you to get off your ass and play hard. You gotta get that heart rate pumping, sweat pouring, and body aching. Going half ass isn’t going to get you the results you need and want, so go hard or go home!

The hottest workout routine in town is Crossfit. Interval training has proven to be a successful way to lose weight and gain lean muscle. If you have never heard of it, or never tried it, you are in for a real surprise when you start throwing weight around and jumping from station to station with your fellow crossfitters. Now, like anything else there are gyms that do it and there are gyms that do it right! I have searched the web for legit resources about crossfit and found this resource about Boxing Inc Crossfit in Tucson and found that these guys are some of the most legit competitors in the country. Their team of crossfit competitors have been competing professionally regionally and around the country. You wanna lose some weight chunk? Join a gym like Boxing Inc and get some professional guidance as you navigate your way through the crossfit circuit. Once you are able to complete a circuit competitively, you can officially shed your title of fat ass and star calling yourself bad ass!

The Athlete And The Receding Hairline

Athletes are notorious for wearing caps and helmets during game time, at least in baseball and football. But there are plenty of non hat/helmet wearing athletes that fall victim to hair loss. Is that hereditary or are these guys rock’n hats in their off time. I’m not even really sure what causes hair loss to be honest, I just know that there are a lot of athletes that are walking around with half a head of hair. Football players have high receding hair lines and I can almost guarantee that it’s due to the helmets they have worn since high school. Baseball players are constantly wearing caps during the game and when in the outfield. But basketball players don’t wear any caps during the game and most of them are bald. I realize that for many it’s a style, but for the many others that don’t rock it as a style, the bald look is something they actually don’t want to be seen with. Many athletes trim up other areas of their body and go hairless on their tattooed arms, but the head is a whole other story. I’ve rocked long hair most of my life, so the crew cut style look has never really appealed to me. I can’t imagine that Lebron James is thrilled about his head of hair, or that any other basketball player that is losing his mop is happy about that. So what do you do? Sign up for an NBA hair transplant? If you are making millions playing sports I say fugettaboutit! You don’t need a head of hair to attract women. The massive bulge in your wallet should draw the attention of the finest babes in town, and if they aren’t attracted to you, just buy their love for a night, it’s a hell of a lot cheaper than falling in love! Hair loss among your average guy doesn’t seem as rampant as it does in professional sports. I know many guys on personal levels and business acquaintances that have full heads of hair, I know more guys with hair than without. So what does that say about all these balding athletes? Is it the supplements they are taking? Is it the constant hat wearing, keeping disguises 24/7 while in public? That has to wear away at the hair follicles on your head and leave your top short on hair. For those of you that wear hats on the daily and are noticing some thinning around the edges, wake up! If you don’t stop with all that hat wearing you will indeed lose your hair.

Brain Dead In Denver Doing Stuff

union station

Remember that movie from the 90’s called Things To Do In Denver When You’re Dead with Andy Garcia and Steve Buscemi? If not, check it out because it was a pretty slick flick! Anyway, I was in Denver last month visiting a buddy and we were definitely looking for things to do in Denver, brain dead! Yup, weed in legal now in Colorado, which makes Denver a place to waste your mind! Not only did we drink like fish, we smoked like chimney stacks and ate enough edibles to sedate an elephant. Denver was cool, we hung out near Coors field and drank Coors Light all night! That came after we drank local brews all day and needed to water down our blood streams. Switching to Coors Light after drinking IPA all day is really like switching to water. We had to sober up, so light beers and marijuana edibles were a great way to sober our minds and get ready for the night life. We started out around 4pm for some real bar hopping, that came after drinking at least 15 beers each and getting stoned off some Colorado Chronic. I’m not gonna lie, we were ripped when we set foot out onto the streets of Denver and it was nonsense from the get-go. We started talking smack the second we hit the street and almost got in a fight with some local thugs, my buddy stripped down to his underwear and these dudes wanted nothing to do with us. It was a pretty epic moment and we couldn’t stop laughing about it the rest of the night. We wandered by some store front properties and ventured through some of the stores, poking around at gadgets and random locally made goods. We came across an epic find when stumbled into Franks Denver Barbershop to buy some hair gel. We started drunk talking with the barber who ended up being a hell of a guy.

They offered us a drink which was a great way to get our attention, apparently they pour drinks for their clients while they get trimmed up. Me and my buddy are both beard guys, obnoxious beard guys and don’t trim these facial bushes often. This guy was able to slip us some bourbon and and convince us that we needed an annual trim. We both took him up on it and slid into the barbers chair for a quick trim. I actually dozed off while getting cleaned up, the bourbon pour was stiffer than John Holmes and hit me like a hook from Mike Tyson. Word on the streets of Denver (actually just among those of us there) I may have even been snoring while I was in the barbers chair. That’s common when I drink all day and smoke weed, the pass out threshold creeps up quick and I can find myself unconscious in the most awkward places. While I was brain dead in a Denver barbershop, I had vivid dreams of dildos buzzing in my face and can now attribute that to the buzzing sound of the barber clippers. I cleaned up pretty well, still rock’n a mountain mans beard, just with less straggles and scrappy looking hair patches. When the barber finished he yelled Wake Up! in my face and I jumped up out the barbers chair like a bat outta hell. Next time we are brain dead in Denver looking for some time to kill with those brain cells, we will be swinging by that barbershop for some bourbon and a trim! Til next time Denver!

Investing In a Vacation Property In Mexico

I like Rocky Point Mexico, you really can’t beat that trip to the sandy beach resort area. The beaches are beautiful, the sands are soft and powder like, the waters are blue, and the vibe is typically fun and entertaining. Rocky Point is a vacation destination for many families in the South West and the place starts to get real live during the holidays. The people show up there during the holidays to party, and the party is always live in Rocky Point. If you have never been there you are missing out on a great family vacation destination that is close to the border. It’s my preference to visit Mexico as close to the border as I can. Places like Cancun are a little deeper than I want to travel with my wife and kids. As a single guy I didn’t mind making the trip into the heart of Mexico, I have survived every situation thrown at me so far in life and the middle of Mexico didn’t bother me any, but traveling there with my family is a whole different story. That is why Rocky Point has been so appealing over the years. The real estate market there has been pretty affordable as the place has been developing over the last 15-20 years.

The condo projects are absolutely gorgeous and we have thought about investing in one as a vacation property that we could rent throughout the year. The other option is buying a home either on the beach or buying a home just off the beach. Vacation properties have always been alluring to me as an investor, especially with places like VRBO and Air B&B out there giving me the opportunity to rent the property out to people traveling. The only issue I would have with a property in Mexico is managing it. After every vacation rental, someone would need to go in and clean the place to prepare it for the next family. If the property was here in the states we would have the same issue, except that we would probably purchase in state to make sure that we could have eyes on the property. Mexico does have some cleaning services and local maid services that could work but I would rather hire a property management company that has a local reputation for managing properties for American investments. There are a 100 reasons why I would hire a property manager as opposed to just hiring a maid service, even if the costs are substantially more than a maid service I think the level of accountability that a property management has to adhere to puts them at another level of trust than a maid service. If we do buy a vacation property in Mexico, we will probably connect with local American investors to see who they use to manage their properties and go with whatever makes sense. Rocky Point is a party hub, so vetting prospect renters will be key to making sure the lace doesn’t get trashed. Better Wake Up folks, the only thing getting trashed in my rental property will be me!

Wake Up – It’s Not A Dream – Weed Is Being Legalized

Stoners rejoice! Weed is being legalized around the country and we can finally puff some herb without having to duck the authorities. Back in Jr. High I was nabbed by campus security for blazing a J out in the woods just of the school property. This jack ass was creep’n through the woods off campus trying to bust us and he got me. Looking back though, dude was alright. He took my weed and gave us a big brother kinda talk and let us go, in those same woods in Washington State smoking weed is legal. Its about time they come around on this, alcohol has long been the governments poison of choice because of the complete control they have over it and the money they make taxing it. I think there is some fear that they can’t control this industry like they want, the FDA is working hard to make sure they create more monopolies, and that the small guys aren’t interfering with the crooked efforts of the real drug dealers in D.C. Enough of that rant though, we are living in a time were more government officials around the country are acknowledging that marijuana and CBD oils have some value in our society and shouldn’t be outlawed. People that use marijuana definitely shouldn’t be imprisoned over a sack a weed. Unfortunately there are people sitting in the bing as I type this that have been locked away over some weed smoke. That is an absolutely ridiculous though if you take a step back and think about what that statement says. Basically, if you burn and inhale the smoke of a plant that grows naturally on this earth then you are a criminal. Seriously? That is absurd, too much control over everything and big government will be wedging itself in the middle of this money making opportunity to ensure they control it all. Weed is being legalized in around the country and already is in Washington State, Oregon, Nevada, California, and Colorado.

There are other states on the east coast that have also joined the 420 club, I’ll make my way there eventually. One concern I have is that a company like Monsanto will takeover the cannabis industry by swooping in and getting pattens on weed seeds so that farmers are strong armed into buying GMO seeds from these monsters and the idea of smoking organically grown weed then becomes this commercialized product owned and controlled by companies like Monsanto. Hurry up and get your anti Monsanto t shirt here. My goal is to buy up as many marijuana seeds as I can and start a seed safe. Having a safe full of weed seeds will protect our future from the potential monopolized threat that big government poses on the industry. You can legally buy seeds in any of the states that have legalized marijuana. I took a drive to Boulder, Colorado and bought marijuana seeds from Helping Hands Dispensary and have kept them in my seed safe with some other collections I have purchased over the years. If we don’t wake up and smell the cannabis, we might find ourselves enjoying legalized marijuana in the commercially controlled environments that the government wants us in.

My Journey To Titusville Florida

More Wakeup moments for you to enjoy. When I was young I was dumb and gave zero fucks about anything. I was living in Texas and working for a construction company doing random handyman gigs. I was living on the couch of a buddies place and was pretty broke for the most part. I had some cash stuffed in a shoe box, no bank account, and no property that I owned including a car. There were some friends in Florida that were having the time of their lives (according to their facebook profiles) and I made the decision to head out to Florida and maybe get a job at Disney World or something cool like that. Bartending was also on the radar, I was thinking Miami Beach and the night life there and sounded amazing. So that was the dream, head out to Florida, meet up with my friends, and become a bartender of the night life or a Disney World employee.

Hitching A Ride To Florida

I was going to grab a bus out to Florida but wasn’t sure if I could stand being on a bus with a bunch of freaks for hours and not having control over the journey. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place, I had no car, so the bus was clearly the best option. Then the night before my departure I met these lesbian girls at Nepalese wedding. It was a strange encounter for sure, the feminine one in the relationship was beautiful, the man of the bunch was far less attractive, and yet I still caught myself undressing them both with my eyes and picturing them in action. They were also leaving for Florida except Miami was not part of their travel plans, they were heading to Titusville Florida to elope and find work. I knew they were making the drive so I followed them to their apartment that night to find out where they lived. My plan in the morning was to catch them on their way out of town with my thumb up. It sounds a little absurd, but it worked. I grabbed my bag in the morning and stood out on the street in front of their apartment and they took the bait. Oh, what a coincidence it is seeing you guys here, I’m on my way to Florida also, can I catch a ride? And that’s how I hitched a ride to Florida.

The Drive

The drive wasn’t bad, the three of us hit it off like Threes Company and we covered ground pretty quick. There were a few stops to eat and pee, other than that we didn’t waste time stopping at any tourist destinations, we just plowed through like champs.

Titusville Florida

I had dreams of Miami, but the girls were destined for Titusville. Prior to them telling me about it I had never even heard of Titusville. These awesome ladies were nice enough to ask if I wanted to go in on a place with them and of course I wanted too. We ended up renting a house on a 1 year lease and the journey to find work began. Disney World was way out of the question and the bars in Titusville definitely didn’t have the appeal of those Miami bars I had seen online and in the movies. I jumped online and came across some job listings on the Titusville Craigslist page. I wasn’t interested in any labor jobs and the best thing I could find that paid a decent wage was a strip club out in the sticks. Well, that wasn’t appealing either. So I opted into trying my hand at labor. I replied to an ad from a Titusville roofing company that was offering $15 an hour for some shlep work and I jumped on it. I lasted about three months before the labor became too much for me. My hands were meant to pour drinks, take theme park tickets, and surf the internet. I was not meant to nail down shingles or pick up scraps around the ground of residential properties. Our stint in Titusville was short lived, we bailed out of there after the 1 year lease was over. I’m not sure what happened to the girls, they were definitely done with me and my perverted comments. I drove down to Miami and tried to get a job as a high profile bartender but never made it past bussing tables. Miami was a wild time, more great stories to share about my time in Miami, but I’ll save that for another time.

I Got A DUI On My 16th Birthday

Well, this is a little embarrassing! I got a DUI on my 16th birthday. Yeah, my parents were kind enough to buy me a car when I turned 16 and like the snot nosed brat I was, I cared little about the people around me and how they would be impacted by my actions. What can I say though, I was 16 years old and had a good time on my mind and I just got a 4 door Subaru Legacy for my birthday. An AWD Subaru Legacy was an epic buy for a kid that spent most the time in the mountains of Washington State skiing during the winter. We were either at Stevens Pass or Snoqualmie Pass every weekend. The Subaru ran strong, had a roof rack, and I could pile 5 of us in there comfortably. Yeah, you could say that I had it made at the time but I didn’t realize it. Anyway, my parents handed me the keys to the Subaru the day I turned 16. I had been driving with a permit for the past year and was ready to own the roads in Washington State. We went to the DMV and took the test in the morning, I had my drivers license within an hour of passing the written exam and was driving my new Subaru Legacy around town like a boss. I stopped by my friends house to show off the new ride and couldn’t leave without smoking a bowl and having a beer. That’s just how we rolled at 16 years old. Puffing on ganja and drinking beer was already the norm by the time we were 15. At this point I had been smoking and drinking 2-3 times a week and didn’t think twice about it. I left there after a blunt and a beer and made another stop at my friend Travis’s house. His parents weren’t home and you know what that meant, we raided the fridge for beers and cleaned out his old mans stash in an hour. That was about 3 beers each. So now I’m 4 beers deep and high from the weed smoke and wondering if I should be driving. At that age in my life I was making all sorts of great decisions and decided that I was cool to drive. I jumped in the Legacy and continued on over to Tuckers house to show him my new wheels, I pulled the car into his garage where we often gathered to listen to music and get into trouble. He had a mini fridge in that garage that always had a few 40oz beers in there thanks to his older brother. He would buy us beer and we would get him weed in exchange for his efforts. It was a decent little connection we had at the time that was consistently available, which made us the goto guys on campus for scoring brews on the weekend. Well, we killed a 40oz each and rocked out to some Seattle grunge music in the car for an hour. Now I was feeling really good, I was playing air guitar, singing along to my favorite songs, and definitely should not have pulled out of that driveway. But I did what any normal 16 year old drunk would do at that time and I jumped in the drivers seat and pulled out of the garage like I had been drinking water all day. I made it about a mile down the road before I ran up a curb and blew out my front tire. The front alignment was thrown off, the tire balance destroyed, and the rim was damaged. I had hit a parked car also which is what the police were called. My parents had the car towed to an auto repair mechanic that was able to fix the front axle, correct the alignment, replace the rim, mount a tire and re-balance the wheel. I got a DUI but it was later reduced to a slap on the wrist and some community service. My folks grounded me for a month, couldn’t drive for two months, and they were in my face smelling my breath every time I came home for most of that school year. I didn’t stop drinking and driving, I just got better and managing my intake and covering the smell. Clearly it was time for me to Wake Up! I hope my kids never read this, I’m sure I am in for it sooner or later with at least one of them. Until then I will enjoy their innocence and share my life stories with the rest of you. Adios!

How A Clean Car Can Get You More Ladies

Wake up fellas! Women don’t want to date a pig! If your room is a mess and you plan on taking her home for the night, you better spend some time getting the place picked up and smelling proper. Women have a keen sense of smell, your socks from the gym that have been on the floor all week will be one of the first things she notices. Get your spank rag off your night stand, put your shoes in your closet, make your bed, and prepare the place for some romance. All that and you still have to get her there. You gotta pick her up, take her out on a date, and invite her back and all of that revolves around your car. If you have a really nice car then good for you, if you keep up on the maintenance and keep it clean then good for you, if you don’t then wake up! No chick wants to climb into a car that looks like it’s being lived in. An interior and exterior car cleansing is a must for the first date. Get those empty beer cans out of the back seat, empty the roach clips out of the ashtray, and get those food wrappers out from under your front seat. If you have a stash of rubbers in the glove box, hide those! Let’s not be tacky here, you don’t want miss right digging through the glove box and finding a half empty box of cum stoppers chilling there. You gotta have class, you gotta play the part if you want the lady! Clean up your act you scumbag POS and get your ride looking like the transport vehicle she was born to be picked up in! You can wash your ride yourself if you have the time, or you can cough up some coin and hire an affordable car detailer to handle all the elbow grease for you. This depends on your work ethic, how much time you have, and how much you really care about impressing the girl of your dreams. Even if she’s not the girl of your dreams, maybe she’s just some 2buck slut, whatever the case you still need to have your car looking and smelling clean! Even hookers have a sense of smell, and if you thinking you’re getting some head in the front seat of stinky car from a semi-classy whore you’re dead wrong! Even they have boundaries! Don’t be a chump, if you wanna hump, make sure your car’s not a dump! Simple words of advise from Dr. Clean. Clean up your act, clean up your room, clean up your car and you might get some womb!

Wake Up And Give Bone Marrow!

Time to wake up people and donate bone marrow. If you are donating blood you are doing a great job of contributing to the community that needs your help. People lose blood everyday and are in need of transfusions and there isn’t always available blood types so donors need to be more active about their contribution efforts. Even more importantly is the need to find more bone marrow donors. Patients all around the country are waiting for donors to step up and get swabbed. CBS News put out an article a few years back about “The Kindness of Strangers”. The article discusses the needs of the patients and also showcases stories of successful bone marrow transplants and how it has helped kids recover from rare cancers. Exact match bone marrow donors are needed for patients just like exact match blood types are needed for blood transfusions. Featured in that CBS article is the Gift of Life bone marrow match registry. If you are interested in getting swabbed and becoming a donor you can visit that website to register.

Get Swabbed

One of the first things you can do to become a bone marrow donor is to find a bone marrow match registry to submit DNA swabs too. The first part of the registration process is getting swabbed and finding out your donor type. Once you have registered and you have been swabbed you will be added to the donor registry to see if you are a match for anyone in need of a stem cell transplant. If you are a match then you will be contacted and the process will begin. This is where you can truly make a difference in your community and across the country.

Making A difference

If you ever wanted to make a difference but haven’t been sure about how to make that happen you have found the ultimate opportunity to not only make a difference, but to save lives. Blood cancer affects thousands of people in this country and the need for stem cell and bone marrow donations is greater than ever. Becoming a bone marrow transplant donor can truly make a difference in someones life. Make a difference today by finding a bone marrow match registry, getting swabbed, and getting registered to become a stem cell donor.

When scrolling through an Instagram feed we are mesmerized by the beauty and quality of the photographs. And it often leaves us wondering if all these people have personal professional photographers and a free pass to a studio with the best settings you can imagine. It appears that is not always the case but you can trick others into thinking it actually is. With a touch of creativity and knowledge of editing you can turn a casual photo into magical Instagram-worthy image and here is a proof of that.

Quite unexpected places like the grocery store aisle turn into dreamlike backgrounds, a TV screen creates an out-of-this-world atmosphere and ATM seems to stand for ‘automated time machine’ when a photo-shoot is in talented hands and an artistic mind.

Calipatria-based photographer and graphic designer Calob Castellon shows that we shouldn’t believe everything we see on social media and reveals the truth behind perfect photos. In his series, he shows the behind-the-scenes of how a simple picture is transformed into an eye-catching work of art, and over 300k Instagram followers appreciate it.

Scroll down to see what can be achieved with minimal resources and perhaps use some tips next time you go shopping to transform your social media account.

More info: Instagram

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Image credits: Calob Castellon

Photographer makes you think twice about believing what you see on social networks

Been Going For 4 Hours And I Need To Present My Masters Thesis In 7 Minutes

Got A 91 Audi Yesterday, Made It About 100 Miles Before It Decided To Blow Up

Many people think of Finland as the land of cold weather and darkness. However, Ossi Saarinen (previously here and here), a Finnish photographer, believes that the country is much more than just that, and he shows another surprisingly enchanting side of his motherland.

Ossi brings delightful feelings through his photos of spectacular Finnish nature, especially the untouched forests covering almost three-quarters of the whole country. And within these peaceful and ancient forests, wild animals roam freely and enjoy their lives at their best.

Finnish animals appear to be very mysterious, fascinating and charming just like they’ve stepped out from fairy tales. Ossi does not skip the chances to capture the beauty of Finnish wildlife either. He believes that every encounter between the animals and humans becomes an unforgettably amazing experience (Well, let’s not talk about the encounter with a bear).

Now, let’s enjoy the fairy tale’s atmosphere in his photos

More info: Instagram

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Image credits: Ossi Saarinen

FINNISH PHOTOGRAPHER PROVES FAIRY FORESTS ARE REAL IN FINLAND

Cat owners have a history of relating to each another through comics (Lunarbaboon, Catsu). One of them is Missangest or as she calls herself, the Crazy Cat Lady from Sweden. And given the fact that Missangest has been a freelance artist since 2012, she definitely knows her stuff!

“Nils is a shelter cat that I adopted a little more than 7 years ago,” the Missangest told Bored Panda. “In the beginning, he was a bit withdrawn and used to hide underneath the furniture just to suddenly jump out and bite your feet (behaviour probably learned from his past as he used to be kicked on before he was taken to the shelter). But with time and patience, he stopped both biting and hiding. Now he’s just like a cat should be – the king of the house. He especially likes to sit on my lap and place his upper body over the drawing tablet while I attempt to work.”

And that’s the reason why Missangest loves cats in the first place. “They are so tiny and so fluffy, yet have the personality of a lion. They can also be rude but they are so darn cute that they keep getting away with it.” Her fascination with these majestic furballs really shines through her illustrations. “It’s not something I do often, I don’t want to force it so I’ll just do it whenever I have any ideas that I think are worth trying out.

More info: Instagram | Facebook | Society6

“Nils is a shelter cat that I adopted a little more than 7 years ago”

“In the beginning, he was a bit withdrawn and used to hide underneath the furniture just to suddenly jump out and bite your feet”

“A behaviour he probably learned from his past as he used to be kicked before he was taken to the shelter”

“But with time and patience, he stopped both biting and hiding”

“Now he’s just like a cat should be – the king of the house”

“He especially likes to sit on my lap and place his upper body over the drawing tablet while I attempt to work”

And Missangest’s fascination with her majestic furball really shines through her illustrations!

Friend Is Having A Baby Today

This Building Is Like Someone Was Making It Up On The Fly

The Nurse Brought Me A Cup Of Water After Getting My Blood Drawn. This Is Why I Have Trust Issues

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I Work In An Ent/Eye Clinic. One Of My Coworkers Had This At His Desk

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I’m An EMT. After A Very Wet, Very Messy Birth Call, I Went Home To Change Clothes. Came Back To This On My Locker

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Christmas Tree At My Fertility Clinic

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Patient: “How Long Is The Wait In Your ER?”, This RN Replied: Just Ask The Lady In The Corner

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My Brother Just Had A Tumor Removed From His Salivary Gland. This Is The First Picture I Get From My Dad

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My Friend, The Day She Was Born, Together With Her Nurse

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I Exploded A Spray Paint Can With An Ax As A Kid

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My Wife Just Sent Me This Picture From A Waiting Room

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My Gynecologist Has A Sense Of Humor

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Dr. Ake

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The Only Book In My Doctor’s Waiting Room. I Think I Chose Well

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Sign Taped To The Ceiling Of My OBGYN’s Exam Room. Amen

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When I Was 13 I Got The One Ring Stuck On My Finger And Had To Visit The ER On A School Night. The Doc Called Out “See Ya Later Mr. Frodo” As I Was Leaving

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I Didn’t Want To Go To The Hospital When I Had Life-Threatening Illness, Because My Elderly Pet Ducks Required Daily Medications At The Time. I’m The Only Person They’ll Allow. The Nurses Let My Husband Sneak Them In At Night

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My Wife Is Planning On Having A Natural Birth With No Meds. Here’s Our Pain Management Plan

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I’m Having My Hip Replaced Today. I Hope The Surgeon Has A Sense Of Humor

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Memo, Sent Out To The Midwives At The Hospital I Work At

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His Kidneys May Fail, His Heart May Take A Beating, But My Grandfathers Sense Of Humor Will Never Die

During the first phase of most romantic relationships, we try to look as desirable as possible, even if that means ignoring some of our bodily urges. Like, letting out a fart, for example. Sooner or later, however, most couples realize that there’s no need to blow against the wind and deny their biology, sharing their first fart. Weng Chen, the artist behind The Adventures of Messy Cow, thinks it’s perfectly normal, too. To highlight this, she has created a humorous fart guide for everyone who is sharing a bed with their significant other, and it might be more useful than you’d think.

“I ate all kinds of food and often ran into this problem,” Chen told Bored Panda. “I was curious how other people handled the situation but it’s a hard topic to bring up in casual conversations. So I decided to make a comic about it and was happily surprised by how many people were open to this discussion.”

“Some couples can fart comfortably in front of each other after a week, some won’t do that after 50 years,” she added. “I think you should care about how it affects your relationship because you don’t want to make your partner dislike you, and it’s important you keep liking each other in a long-term relationship. I recommend using my comics as a guide and test it step by step. If your partner showed disgust at some point, don’t proceed further down the list.”

Weng is Chinese, but she’s fluent in English and visual language, too. She started drawing manga at a very young age and has been creating comics on-and-off since. In late 2016, she started the Messy Cow series.