Critic tackles election year | Issue 03

Meet the MPs

As I'm sure you all know, or at least have realised from the sharp increase in red, green, and blue-clad Tent City occupiers, it's election year – and a particularly important one at that. Our current Government has often been accused of overlooking student issues, and whether you agree with this or vehemently support any reforms, it's important to get involved and make your choice known. Thus, Critic presents a page of political coverage, designed to give you guys bite-sized pieces of political fuckery every week and help you make your decision before you hit up the polling booth.

National Party: Michael Woodhouse

Q1: What’s the one main thing you want to do for students?
I want every student to have the best experience from their time at Otago. This is not just about learning but includes connection with the city, good health, accommodation and transport, etc. All MPs, list and electorate, can assist when there are difficulties and I enjoy my regular contact with students even when their issues are challenging.

Q2: Why is this going to be good for students?
The better students’ experience at Otago is, the more value they will get from their (and the taxpayers’) investment in their education. That must be good for both students and New Zealand.

Q3: If you were stranded on a desert island and allowed the company of one member of the opposition, who would you choose?
I’d want the MP to be with a bit of a “MacGyver” (students probably don’t know this character so the modern equivalent would be Bear Grylls). Eric Roy would be the obvious choice but he’s a National MP. I’d go for Te Ururoa Flavell. Good company and knows how to build a bivouac and catch a fish or two.

Q4: We can't help our love for Shoot Shag Marry, but in light of potentially compromising responses we've devised a parliamentary alternative. So: reject, (re)elect, realign? Who do you want gone, who do you want in parliament, and who do you think is in completely the wrong party? Your choices are Winston Peters, Peter Dunne, and Colin Craig.
They’re all centre/right MPs – not fair! I’ll exercise my freedom of choice and say:
Gone – Hone Harawira. No good will ever come of his politics;
In – Ritchie McCaw. We need a loose forward for the Parliamentary rugby team.
Wrong party – definitely Shane Jones. I reckon he regrets not going with the Blue team when he started out in politics.

Q5: Give us a snappy one-liner for our Twitter-happy readers?
Is David Cunliffe in deep cover for the National Party?

Green Party: Metiria Turei

Q1: What’s the one main thing you want to do for students?
Make sure that all students have enough to live on while they’re studying through a universal student allowance.

Q2: Why is this going to be good for students?
It means that students can actually focus on studying, rather than the stress of trying to make ends meet. Lack of financial support is one of the biggest barriers to people studying, so a universal student allowance would also open the door for many students who wouldn’t otherwise see tertiary education as an option.

Q3: If you were stranded on a desert island and allowed the company of one member of the opposition, who would you choose?
Louisa Wall: it’s hard ‘cause there are a bunch of Labour women that I love hanging out with, but I reckon if anyone could build us a boat and row us off the island, she could. And she’s bloody funny.

Q4: We can't help our love for Shoot Shag Marry, but in light of potentially compromising responses we've devised a parliamentary alternative. So: reject, (re)elect, realign? Who do you want gone, who do you want in parliament, and who do you think is in completely the wrong party? Your choices are Winston Peters, Peter Dunne, and Colin Craig.
Reject: Colin, (re)elect: Winston, realign: Peter

Labour Party: David Clark

Q1: What’s the one main thing you want to do for students?
Ensure that tertiary education is as affordable for anyone who aspires to graduate with a university degree.

Q2: Why is this going to be good for students?
The 23 per cent drop in the number of students claiming a student allowance in Dunedin this year shows that the Government's policies are pricing New Zealanders out of education. Post-graduate students are no longer eligible to receive a student allowance, nor are students studying towards a degree that takes over 200 weeks to complete. The policy has a dramatic effect on students aspiring to be our next generation of doctors, teachers, researchers and other professionals. Couple this with the fact that there are few jobs available for students, and we see many simply cannot attend university because of their financial situation. This is unacceptable to me. Education must be accessible; students shouldn’t be spiralling into debt just to afford the basics of life. Making education access equitable is important because it is important every New Zealander has opportunity to better their lot, and the lot of people they care for.

Q3: If you were stranded on a desert island and allowed the company of one member of the opposition, whom would you choose?
Maurice Williamson. Thoughtful, if random, he would be entertaining company. He has more personality than the entire National Front Bench combined. Who knows, we may prosper if he finds the ever-elusive pot of gold at the foot of a big gay rainbow.

Q4: We can't help our love for Shoot Shag Marry, but in light of potentially compromising responses we've devised a parliamentary alternative. So: reject, (re)elect, realign? Who do you want gone, who do you want in parliament, and who do you think is in completely the wrong party? Your choices are Winston Peters, Peter Dunne, and Colin Craig.
Reject: Colin Craig. Conspiracy theorists and ultra-right-wing special interest groups have no place in NZ politics.
(Re)elect: Winston Peters. In most instances, despite flourishes of rhetoric, he does the right thing. He also knows how to laugh at himself – a commodity all too rare in politics.
Realign: Peter Dunne. Why not? It’s happened plenty of times before. With more positions on most issues than the Karma Sutra, the perennial man of rubber could surely survive another re-tread.

Founded in 1925, Critic is the student magazine of the Otago University Students' Association.

Critic is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). Disclaimer: the views presented within this publication do not necessarily represent the views of the Editor, Planet Media, or OUSA. Press Council: people with a complaint against a newspaper should first complain in writing to the Editor and then, if not satisfied with the response, complain to the Press Council. Complaints should be addressed to the Secretary, PO Box 10-879 The Terrace, Wellington.