AUT INVENIAM VIAM AUT FACIAM

For Your Edification: Dreck. Just Total Crap.

[I was about to delete this one, then saw its possible utility: If you find yourself reading shit like the below, I’m phoning it in. Truth is, sometimes I lose interest in my own bullshit. Or I began exploring an idea that would have served us all better had it triggered a new train of thought. I will diligently try to avoid posting drivel from here out. …But if some slips in, it’ll read like this trash. Enjoy! –dbm]

Let’s begin this one with one of the few non-terrifying facts about the future: Gays and lesbians, inevitably, will be granted equal rights.

Which means more than marriage. It means someone’s husband-but-for-the-piece-of-paper can’t be prohibited from seeing his spouse-yadda-paper when the latter is in the hospital. They can be prevented from being there for their loved one in the case of serious illness because, currently in most states they have no legal standing to grant them access (in ever-fewer states).

It means the right of inheritance. Having the same checking account. It means eligibility for health care through their spouse’s plan. It means an end to same-sex relationships being “abnormal” because bigoted assholes passed laws specifically persecuting them.

…And my god. What will happen when homos are treated just like heteros? Is that the America you want your kids growing up in?

If you answered “yes, of course,” pin a rose on your nose.Otherwise fuck you, buttface. But please read on because I hope to continue insulting you, and for you to read these insults.

Anti-LBGT (I never get the acronym right…) lawmakers have created and enacted their hateful policies inside a Greco-Roman building following the Greco-Roman political tradition. And we all know the Greeks and Romans had no concept of homosexuality, and made pederasty an institution, don’t we? Their system of “mentorship,” if you like, was codified in law, sanctified through tradition, and justified by morality. That is, it was as formalized, ritualized, and romanticized as marriage is today. What was? Relationships between men around forty and boys around pre-teen.

Please, feel the irony with me. I’ve felt so alone before, watching turtle-American McConnell spout nonsense in front of a building honoring societies that honored an institution in which boys got fucked by men many times their age. (And yes, technically “got fucked” is accurate, since “the lover” penetrated “the beloved” in this system. The man was the masculine party because he was the penetrator, and the boy the passive one. And messing with the strictures of this peculiar institution was called wrong. So wrong, in fact, that Alexander, who proclaimed himself a god, and whom we call great, was not above public reproach as his relationship with (too lazy to Goggle the name!) another guy grew disturbingly close to monogamy, and their treatment of one another scandalously similar, as among equals.

I’m faaaairly sure that many Greeks saw this equal, exclusive relationship as a factor in his death. Because love? Devotion? Equality? Unnatural and immoral.

The next time you see Congressstatue Boehner emitting his drone into news mics (his demeanor leaves me ninety-five percent convinced that he cannot smile, and would shatter his vocal chords if he even thought of laughing, which he wouldn’t because he’s an evil bitch whose latest goal is to tax rich people even less, and pay for it with cuts to medicare, social security, etc. Often known as welfare. Well, the amount spent on corporate welfare remains about twice the cost spent on the aged, disabled, et al.

That is, the next time you see that guy discuss fucking over the least of god’s people, take note of his surroundings.

Because they are soooooo gay.

Plus, our own Senate has managed to outdo the Roman model in corruption, vote-selling, etc. The only area their predecessors can’t be equaled? Their love of sex with male kids.Making the Senate sooooo gay.

Romans would find monogamy, and especially the criminalization of sex with boys morally repugnant. And yet the US has made itself the new Rome.

And wanted to be able to think it had done so without guy-on-guy action. Sorry, conservatives, and please die tea party-ers, but democracy, apparently, can’t be done unless guys are doing guys.