I cross my heart and swear on my husky tabby’s low-hanging belly that I really, really tried not to mention Ryan Gosling in this review of the new Mariah Carey Lollipop Splash The Remix perfumes (available in three fragrances; $35 each).

But I failed (obviously), and I blame it on the poster for Ryan’s new movie, Drive.

You see, I’m a font freak — a “ho for Helvetica,” if you will — and the handwritten hot pink type on the poster and in the movie’s opening credits made me hyper aware of flamboyant fonts this week. Fonts like the one on boxes of Mariah’s new Lollipop Splash.

I think it’s cool how typography can summon certain expectations about things like products and movies. At first the retro pop pink font used on the Drive poster wasn’t at all what I expected from such a dark, violent movie, but I totally get it now.

“I wanted that kind of font because it’s timeless, in a way. It’s like a hand drawn logo, which is also like old fairy tales. If you look at old fairy tales, they’re always beautifully choreographed and designed.”

As for the packaging for Lollipop Splash, mad props to the person on Mariah’s crew who picked that curvy pink font (Party LET, I believe), with its fun, girly curves. I wouldn’t be surprised to find it embroidered on the pocket of a hot pink terry cloth bathrobe in Mariah’s closet or on her own personal (scented) stationary because it seems to suit her well.

The three new fruity/foodie floral eau de parfum sprays, available now, build on Mariah’s existing Lollipop perfume. To my nose, the remixed scents all smell sweet, sugary and very MC.

The fragrances, flourishes, neon bottles and butterflies all come together to paint a picture of a world I would have loved to visit when I was 12 years old — like Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, but with unicorns, rainbows, bubbles, glitter, heart-shaped lollipops and confetti shaped like stars — but at my age now?

Well, probably, yeah…

They’re probably most age appropriate for a teen or tween, but that doesn’t mean I won’t also wear them from time to time.

PRICE: $35 each for a 1-fl. oz. eau de parfum sprayAVAILABILITY: Available now at Elizabeth Arden counters and also onlineMAKEUP AND BEAUTY BLOG RATING: B

If you were a font, which font would you be?

I think I’d be Helvetica Neue Ultra Light… Itâ€™s everything I’ve ever wanted in a font — elegant and non-fussy, yet it makes a statement without hitting you over the head. Plus, I think it scales up very well.

So far, 30 people have commented on this article. How cool is that?

I love Helvetica Neue! I’m actually trying to figure out how to change the font on my phone to Helvetica Neue… Anyhoo, I love Mariah and everything but I’m kinda over ‘celebrity’ scents. I want the new Elie Saab Le Parfum.

Century Gothic. Always been my favorite since it’s both fun and elegant. It’s very simple and generally pleasing to the eye. 😀 You can play it up nicely for headers, but it’s readable for more information based text blocks. It’s also my usual go-to font if I’m ever doing anything artsy.

Good ol’ fonts. I do agree that fonts “summon certain expectations” and truly believe that fonts can really make a huge difference. I do have to apologize because my gut reaction to seeing that perfume’s box was like being transported in time. The font paired with the color reminds of the MySpace blinky html tags from era’s gone by.

I wish I had better access to fonts so I could make a more interesting choice but I’m pretty limited with my standard Windows stuff. I think I’d be an easy to read script that’s best viewed from a slight distance. Adria DB, maybe? That was the best I could do with a quick google of font images. Let me know if it’s a cheesy choice; I won’t be offended.

And I love how MC differentiates between a Juicy mandarin and an Italian mandarin. Italian mandarins everywhere are offended by the implication that they’re dry and mealy. HAHA!

AROUND THE WEB

Unsung Heroes!

Have you ever partied with Tabs?

You know what time it is. :) It's time to party with Tabs! -- the world's foremost international playboy tabby (and my feline employer). Kitty model, superstar, dreamer and all around lovable diva extraordinaire. See what he's been loving lately on his blog, partywithtabs.com, or follow his missives and adventures on Twitter.