Exhibit A: It's a coke nail despite your uncle telling you it's for the hard to reach boogers. It's for hard to reach boogers if you want to blast them with coke.

2. Get some cigarettes and pack them constantly. Everyone knows that's fucking cool no matter how hot it is.

Good form!

3. Tell everyone within earshot how much air conditioning is ruining the environment. Tell people you prefer kombucha as a natural way of cooling your body down. That and coconut oil. Lots of coconut oil.

4. Get caught reading at every turn. On the shitter? Leave the door open so everyone knows you're extending your stay at Porcelain Hotel's pool to get through this nail-biting chapter of Capital by Karl Marx.

5. Get angel investors for your start-up that is going to change the paradigm and disrupt the market through superior storytelling and a competitive benefits package. (*cough* hummusballgag.com *cough*)