Describe yourself in five sentences or less: I'm Lucy, I'm a 38-year old woman who is trying to figure out this whole 'life' thing. I'm bisexual and poly, living in Wales with my partners. I'm a home maker, love to bake and cook, and am a huge sci-fi fan. I really enjoy playing board games, I'm learning to knit, trying to learn German and I'm also a little obsessed with journals/planners right now.

Top 5 fandoms: OK as of right now? Doctor Who, Stargate, Marvel/DC, MacGyver and Lucifer. There's loads more and I will happily chat your ears off about the things I love :)

I mostly post about: My family, mental health, movies/tv and just... life in general

I rarely post about: I always try not to post about politics and religion. I was always taught never to discuss them.

My three last posts were about: Star Trek Discovery, moving house, a random compliment from one of my partners.

How often do you post? Usually a couple of times a week but I've been absent recently due to moving house

How about commenting? Probably about 75% of the time, if I've got something to say, I'll say it :)

Dear Carolyn: In my childhood, criticism from my parents was the constant theme. My grades were never good enough, my room was never clean enough, whatever. As a result, I feel little to no affection for my parents now that I’m an adult, and I don’t spend much time with them or talk to them much. I just don’t like them very much.

However, some people who know this say I’m going to regret distancing myself from them when they’re gone. Do you think that’s true? Should I make more of an effort to spend more time with them now so I don’t regret it later?

— Criticized

Criticized: Your friends would regret distancing themselves, if they were in your position. That doesn’t mean you will.

So, no, I don’t think that is universally true that distance equals regrets.

However, I do believe that seeing parents as people, instead of just as parents, is a more useful way to determine how to adapt your relationship with them over time.

What you describe of your parents is a child’s view of people who, apparently, thought that being a parent meant being strict and teachy all the time. I agree with you that it’s a cold way to go, and tough to forgive, but there are other aspects of parenthood that could provide a fuller and fairer picture. Were their parents that way with them? Was the culture around them one of “seen and not heard” and “spare the rod” orthodoxy? Did they tend not to question things about life in general, their parenting views among them? Was one of them softer but not strong enough to counteract the other?

And: What did they become after their active child-rearing years were over? Did they remain locked in a cold orthodoxy, or did they bloom a little when the weight of responsibility was removed? Are they trying to get to know you now, or are you still 12 to them?

Do you know them all that well as people, or did you distance yourself effectively enough that your last real impression of them was formed as you fled their home after high school?

I ask these questions entirely without judgment. People have their natural, even reflexive ways of looking out for their own health, and kids of unhappy childhoods can even have this need as their central motivation. It makes sense.

But when you get to the point where you’re asking whether this is the right way to go, my inclination is to suggest that you keep asking questions and see where your inquiry leads you. If you don’t feel up to digging all that out, that’s reasonable. Your prerogative. It might also make sense to spend a few sessions with a skilled therapist.

And it might be liberating just to try, once or twice, with no great expectations, to talk to your parents with a different image of them in mind as you do it.

They’re people. Possibly kind of stunted people who meant no harm but had no clue. People who might have interesting things to say if you asked them different questions, and/or with a different objective in mind. Not “I want them to say they’re sorry” or “I want just once for them to be warm and welcoming,” but maybe “I want to see them how their friends do,” or one of my favorite suggestions from a long-ago chatter, “I want to approach them as an anthropologist would and see what I find out.”

How did your weekend go? Did you sneak some stealthy uncluttering in to a spare few minutes, or did you go all out on something you've been eyeing off for a while?

Me? I spent most of my weekend at an ice-skating competition (apart from my kid competing, I'm also in training to be the set up person for the new judging tech). So my decluttering was limited to a bit of paperwork here and there. ...which actually, has been the theme of my week, although the amount of paperwork dealt with each day has varied from 'a couple of pieces of paper' to 'filled the inside bin three times over'.

How often do you sense the numinous? The mysterious, awe-inspiring otherness of God? As a mountaineer, all through my life I have known moments when my being has been stilled - by a sudden sense of presence... of a God "just round the corner"... a sense of the deep mystery and loveliness of God. In a sense, I think God calls to us this way, all along our journey. Perhaps that's why people were drawn out to the wilderness. Perhaps that's what Moses felt when he saw the burning bush. I also feel it in great cathedrals sometimes. Or at dusk, as light fades, and the day stills. It's as if, sometimes, at God's choice, we are overshadowed by God's presence, and we know God is there, but God seems deep and beyond our words and explanations.

At times like this, we realise that though God is personal and can draw so close to us, God is also God, and beyond our control or definition. At this point, it is as if we are aware of a 'cloud of unknowing', and our tense mental control runs out of road, and in silence and wonder we become simply recipient. I love this 'hidden' God. This God who is so deep. The God, who when we stop and rest by the constantly flowing stream, is 'just around the next bend in the river'. And incites us, and touches us with yearning, and leads us on.

Optional: If you would like your secret's fandom to be noted in the main post along with the secret itself, please put it in the comment along with your secret. If your secret makes the fandom obvious, there's no need to do this. If your fandom is obscure, you should probably tell me what it is.

Optional #2: If you would like WARNINGS (such as spoilers or common triggers -- list of some common ones here) to be noted in the main post before the secret itself, please put it in the comment along with your secret.

Optional #3: If you would like a transcript to be posted along with your secret, put it along with the link in the comment!

So both Star and I are collectable card game (CCG) players. We each like multiple games, and both of us have played for well over a decade. Cards, of course, come in packs - usually 10-15 per, with one rare and a variety of common and uncommon cards. With both of us collecting on and off, and playing both with others and one another, that means a lot of cards.

Neither Star or I has played Pokemon in the last five years or so, save with the nephews. They're now officially Too Old For It, and the rules of the game have shifted enough that we'd basically have to relearn it to play with anyone else.

Yesterday, we sat down with the card boxes, pulled out anything either of us wanted to keep, and put the rest into a massive box to be given to the local game store for use as prizes during their Pokemon events.

We ended up with two small boxes, with duplicates removed and damaged cards thrown out. Several thousand Pokemon cards: OUT.

Next up: Yu-Gi-Oh and Magic: The Gathering. We have substantially more of those than Pokemon, so this is a little bit daunting.

... at least the M:tG cards that might have value are already separated from the general boxes.

So what will it be today? What's your task that must not be avoided? How are you going to make your life better by doing that one thing?

Are you setting a timer to make headway or is it something straightforward that can be completed if you just give it your attention?

Are you in need of a challenge for the day? My challenge to you is to give a sink of your choosing a clean. Maybe your kitchen sink needs a washing up bowl taking out and giving a clean and having a scrub at the surfaces underneath. Maybe it's the plug and drainer that need the clean. It might be the taps (faucet?) that need a little TLC. Instead you might decide to take a little time to spruce up a sink in the bathroom and check out those taps, or any subtly lingering toothpaste marks. The choice is yours!

Good luck all, with whatever you decide to tackle today. Remember you can do it!