Piece of Ham

How to Make Your Home Grown-up and Cozy

So you and your BFF got drunk freshman year in Panama City and took body shots off a guy named Jerome. Cool. But you’re an adult now. That means you can still get shitty with your BFF, but do not hang the duck face memories in your room on a bulletin board. We’re aiming for a home that says, I’ve totally got my life together. True or not, who cares. No one questions a perfectly tiered West Elm Mid-Century display shelf. No one.

Let’s begin..

Rugs add character. Get some. (The hand-me-downs you used in college with dog pee and White Zen stains don’t count.

Floor mirrors are just classy. They just are. They can basically turn a Best Western into a Hyatt. Plus, you can check your entire outfit without having to stand on a bathroom stool. Classy and winning.

Lighting can literally change your life.

Scenario #1

You’re sitting in your living room on a first date drinking wine with your probably-future-husband. The room is softly lit with string lighting and shaded 20 watt bulbs, making your smoky eye look amazing and your skin flawless.

Scenario #2

You bring a guy back to your place and flip on the overhead florescent, pronouncing every flaw on and around you. Your smoky eye now looks like a back-alley-hooker. You shake hands, he leaves, you both die alone.

Bottom line, fluorescents are gross. If you can’t look like a perfect ten in your own home, then WHAT IS LIFE?? Get some lamps and live happily ever after.

Pillows, people. They’re for more than just drooling on. They can easily (and cheaply) add color, charisma, and coziness to any room.

Curtains. Being able to walk around naked should be reason enough to invest in them. They’re also very grown-up and make a room more comfy.

Make your bed. I did not say make your one-size-too-small-sheet-and-mattress. You should have a headboard, comforter, matching sheets, and throw pillows. That, my friend, comprises an adult sleeping environment. Your room is your nest. It should be cozy and relaxing, not a freakin’ Tijuana motel room.

Adultify the grub hub. Empty liquor bottles on the top of your refrigerator should no longer be your main kitchen décor. Get pretty dishes. Get matching utensils. A cutting board. Salt and pepper shaker. A tea pot that you don’t even use but looks pretty sitting on the stove. Make that shit legit.

Towels. You should have more than one in each bathroom. They should match. They should not have the word ‘beach’ in their description. That is all.

Make it smell good. Febreze smells like a meadow full of shit. That is not a good smell. Get some candles. Pick fresh flowers. Put essential oils on your pillows. Hang eucalyptus in your shower. And.. wait for it.. clean your house.