Friday, February 29, 2008

In 1992 I was in a Castle in Hungary.I always remember the Castlein a village called Tisadobthe telephone number was '5'

There was a team of twenty or more international trainers.I remember Mr Yip from Kuala LumpurMR Yip and Mr Pip became good friends.

The iron curtain around a big chunk of Europe had been broken downWe had a hundred leaders and young humans from every former Communist countryIt was electricIt was mind swampingIt was translators heavenSome could not speak more than one languagea lot of humanssuch as me.

Amongst the trainers, all sleeping on the floor in sleeping bagsTalented humansbeautiful humans.

During the daywhen all the activities and training took placeI noticed one trainer who was often getting alongside the isolatesI noticed the lonely one being helped to inter grateI noticed the ones who displayed a face uncomfortable - they were given attentionI noticed Oyvin - he was the one out on the fringesas well as playing a mean guitar on stage!

Since then we have been the best of friendsHe has invited me to Norway many timesworking alongside him in his workand in Pragueand in many European countries.GreenbeltU2 Concerts Brick Laneand some great conversationsall flavour full of - 'Level Five'The spice of life ....................... and here I am again, at his College, lovinit.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

I am on a Train.I am not nervousI am focusedI am not stressedI am not pressuredI am calmI am on a Train.

I am on the edgeI am in the centreI am preparedI am on a Train.

I have done all I canI am flexibleI am freeI am on a Train.

I am going to a gigI will play my partI expect the spectacularHumans becomingTaking risks for developmentHumans stretchedHumans blessedI am on a Train.

I don't expect all to go as plannedI expect to busk it at times

I am on a Train. L2I am feeling beautiful (imperfection) L4These humans are stars L3Oscar deserving stars L3I feel vulnerable L4.... but I believe that the most valuable human gifts are rooted in vulnerability L5

I am on a train ..................

This was hand written on the trainIt is over12+ hour day and beautifully satisfyingwondermentwondrousA couple of Pipturesque here - more reflections to follow butI need to pack for a joy to work in Norway tomorrow amlove it love it

Remember at the weekend just gone?I was not relaxedI was in a place called uncomfortableAfter that I was cool and even in the traveland the midst of the dayfocusedtotally committed.I do thatI have the tension in the prep.

But I return to 44 new e Mails and 150 before thatthat is when I get the pressureI love the focusthe work with humansit is the other stuff ............

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Hey - I am in Chesterfield tomorrow.

It is a challenging gig. I have been working with a group of young beautiful humans and key staff. All to bring together a large gathering where they will lead. The will share, speak and lead groups of adults who are many years older than they are. The will be stepping into a place called uncomfortable. The will be residing in a place called vulnerability. They will be sharing about their own experience of being homeless.

Still got Larry Norman ringing in my ears - see the blog below.

Friday I go to Norway for four days. Always love it. Love the Norgehumans a lot.

Will be spending time with a range of students at a college called 'Folk high School' - I think it is a bit like 'Fame'. We will be doing music and fun things. And I will be able to blog because they have wireless - I know.

You are beautiful Always Feeling so - or not you are beautiful .................

Larry Norman died on 24th February 2008.Received a text from Sheila yesterday.I wonder if the Sheilas remember him?

When we lived and worked in a club fpr leather jacketed Hells Angel types of humans - back in the days when I was 28ish I fell in love with Larry.His music was so fresh. Music which related to my faith at that time - was non existent. It was all slushy folk music - and then this man brought some great lyrics and a real rock sound to my ears-soul-life ........... and we went to see him on tour in Liverpool our nearest city.

So there I was in a pokey little flat above the Club. Joan Joy (and Ann just born there) I played this LP (now called albums!!) plastic disc non-stop.

There is a good review of his life in the Guardian today and we will see others pop up in forthcoming weeks as the monthlies catch up.

I remember when I was at St Helens YMCA where I used to run big concerts in the sports hall all the time - adverts in NME and Melody Maker (remember that newspaper?)I remember, in my old gig promoting era, putting on a concert with Larry Norman in St Helens at the Theatre Royal (big local gig venue - I thought in them days) and he did a storming concert. Ever so powerful - but at the end, the angry stage manager dropped the fire curtain on him because he just would not leave the stage.

He played Greenbelt a number of times. Some of his antics and comments were strange - but his music gripped.The last time he was on the Rolling Magazine Show and The Very Stinking Late Show hosted by Martin and me - I remember almost pushing him off stage as he went into some strange long rambling sermon. He was great with his music but seemed, in his latter years, to just overkill the words.

I will do some scratching around for some of his stuff and give it a re listen.

God bless you Larry Norman.Beautiful Imperfection like us all - only different.Only Visiting this Planet.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

I cannot give justice to the day.I was with a group in a Training context.I am blessed.

The objective was all about the awareness and skills needed to work developmentally with young humans who have the real potential to commit acts of violence on other humans - including staff.It was all about understanding our own feelings, behaviour and thoughts and being able to understand those in the beautiful young human who is ready to explode.

Only when we can clock our own behaviour, feelings and thoughts can we start to understand another. Getting into a new developmental place is not something that can be done quickly - I is not like learning a mathematical puzzle. Having an answer is not the aim - it is stepping forward, and continuing to step on.

I saw eyes which were being peeled and begin to see.I saw humans beginning to say "I felt like a child" - and that is a grown human speaking.Another saying that they had spoken down to a young human and saw the body frame before them shudder and curl up.Another who was becoming a different human than the one who had been brought up in the same skin. A new interior was adopted before my eyes."I have decided to live differently"."I have come to a crossroads and I am taking a different approach, a new way of communicating".

We were moving through development to'consciously incompetent' - and then the next step .......

These are humans who face aggression and conflict - frontier workers.I said I could not explain - didn't I?

It was a group experience of everyone listening to one another.It was deep and sensitive.It was reaching out and touching heaven.I said I would have difficulty - maybe I will try again tomorrow.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Hellobeautiful humanthanx for clicking this wayhope you can hear the music above?Clicking the big button on the piPhonemeans you can see a selection of music to listen to or view the video.

Had a busy day today.I cannot always tell you about the details.

Bu I went to the Doc with my agenda of three.I had him smiling at one timeI have never seen his teeth in 20 years of Doctoring.

Blood PressureEven though I was agitated and running around - it was ok/good. He want me to have a routine cholesterol check. So it will be starving Wilson sometime next week, not free this week, and then I will let the Dracula Nurses to get at my arm.

Splitting NailsRotting Nails.He tells me nothing can be done. No diagnosis!So I will try the supplementary medicine humans and see ....

Gut pain disabling issue.Just take a tablet when you get ithe said.No diagnosisNo treatment!hmmmmmmm.

So I will move on.

Have you ever been with a baby and had to try to get something dangerous or un-tasty out of those little gripping fingers?Did you try to swing something more colourful and attractive as a distraction?It worked?Suddenly one had is forgotten and the babe lunges for the new!

Do we use distraction techniques on ourselves?

If we don't thirst after the new and differentwe can become'knowers' instead of 'learners'.I listen to NEW musicalways must have the new.I readI read to take inNot what is on TVTabloid TV(sometimes but not all the time)I choose stuff which stimulates mt interior journey.I want to be well travelled - in that direction.

I want to journey into spiritualityInto self discoveryUnderstanding beautiful humans.

A Caterpillarlooks nothing likea butterflybutOne develops from the other.

‘In times of change the learners will inherit the earth, while the knowers will find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists’Eric Hoffer

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Why am I afraid to tell you who I ambecause, if I tell you who I am,and you don't likewho I amthat is all I have.

My favourite book of all time - that's the title.So - so - so I have a commitment to telling you who I am and being as open as possible.How about that - do you do that?With anyone?With yourself even?

I am feeling pretty good.A bit restlessI have had a w/e offrelaxing - doing the social thingand I feel restless ..................

I am so restlessI am watching a good TV action movie with Joanand I am typing this in the adverts.Dashing from the lounge to my office = click!

I have lots to do and I am relaxingnot workingbecause I don't feel like itbut restless.

That is me at the moment.

Had a fab meal out with friends last nightwill post some pix if I remember at the end of the movie.It all was fab other than Joan twisting her anklenot her ex broken leg I am glad to say.

and .............The had a fab meal out today with SheilaAnn/TV/oneand Willie friend rock and roll oneJoan - beloved one.We went to Rules the oldest Restaurant in Londononly about 200 years old!Must take Dana there.Keeping thinking of Dana from Canada who is coming over in May.I would love to introduce her to youIn fact I would like to introduce her to mewe have never met - other than thinternet!!Keep thinking -must take her to Brick Lane for a Curry with the Platform 18 Crew.Must take her to The Bell, where we went SaturdayMust take her to Maison Bertreau(No New Piccadilly - I grieve still at the loss).......... it is funny - they are all eating places!more than that they are meeting placesdialogue placesLevel Five placesand must take her to Da Marios in Covent garden.Funny - I only go to London to eat and meetnever a show, movie, museum, or ...............just to eat and meet and I lurve it.

Back to telling ..........I have lots to do as I am busy this weekflying Norway this coming week-endFly Belfast the next week-endUp North the one afterthen it is Easter hey hey - so soon.

I have so much to clickbut I don't just want to do FACTSthat is level twoI wanna do feelings because that is as L5 as you can get.I feel goodbuzzingexcitedcannot wait to get stuck into the challenges of the weekbut the prep has to be done.I need to get off these keys and start late night clickingessential emails about the weekcreating some fertile soilpreparing the way.

The TV Movie is over.Good film.Action movie and grippingbut not during the adverts.Just made Joan a mug of drinking Chocolateand she has gone to zeds.Zig is all laid out on the rug.Me - I am feeling good - more relaxed.

I feel I have not blogged for ages.I have been in focus with humans.I have been out and stretched.I need to relax.Will you - with me?

........ come breathe with me ......

Take a a few slow deep breaths ............Notice the slight pause between the intake and exhale .............Drink deep at the well with that moment of beautiful space in your life ...................Your life is made up of those moments and they will be with you as long as you live .....Life is made up of those moments .........As precious as you are ......Notice as you breathe ..........Your life slows and it becomes a time of peace .......Notice your nostrils are cooler as you breathe in .........Warmer as you breathe out ..............Oxygen in and the waste out ............Life giving energy for your body and soul .......New life in and old life out ...........Breathe on me breath of God, fill me with life brand new .....................

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Loving you is easy because you're beautiful .......... so sings the song on my piPhone above.Loveitloveit.

I do truly hope you can see and hear the piPhone on this page because it adds so much in terms of visual and musical content.

An I hope you have some decent computer speakers. I have a Harman/Kardon set of speakers which Joan bought me for Christmas some years ago and they sound fab fab.

FabfabfabfabHad a great day today.Was really concerning me because I had not a clue what to do.I was working with a group of young beautiful humans in Chesterfield in the middle of the UK.

It stretched me like mad and so many others stepped out of their comfort zones and moved the earth .........

Lots of prep and sweat and fine consideration went into it - what to do in terms of content and also working the space/environment/tools/activities/words/stretch/challenge/supportIt was fantastic in terms of moving ahead. The group developed a climate of trust which means they leapt ahead in terms of trust/confidence/risk taking/listening wow the listening. Full of life humans - listening - the silence gripping.Stinking wow.

Gotta gogot another early start and by car this time instead of train.

You are beautifulbelieveeven if you feel no other thinks thatbelieveYou are beautiful

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Remember::Blob Tools are not best used on your own as a mental exercise.They come alive in a group context.If the group leader always takes the leadby doing the task first:it sets the tone of depth not superficiality;it shows how the exercise can be conducted for those who did not concentrate and hear well;it is pitched well to suit the context of the group.

It is a resource for you to explore firstprepareand then use as a means of talking about feelings.

Everyone gatheredhandshakessmilesgreetingsa hug or twobut it soon would change.

After an introductionand a few startergetting everyone talkingfirst in small groupsthen in plenaryeveryone had spokenself revealedrelaxed - but it soon would change.

I was about to create a structured experiencereverse empathyan experiential learning exercisestarting with comfortable humans - but it soon would change.

I had them sharing in small groupsabout conflict experienced in their livesabout aggression faced in their jobsabout things which had happened outside the training room - but soon things would change.

Intimacy in small groupsactive listeningbodies leaning forward in empathetic posturefaces still with attentive tension - but it soon would change.

A structured experienceguided sharingattention to real listeningspecific briefabout their own experiences - but it soon would change.

I gather them in a large groupasking for no words to be spokenstructured silence andI brief them to becomeanother humanwho they had heard - but soon - so soon, we are about to change.

"I am 'name', naming another human,I faced violence when.............."and a real, so real story was told -reality entered the room.One heard another retell a vivid story.One became responsible to tell a story which was not theirs.All did this ................... and changed had begun.

Afterwards - still in silenceI asked for their feelingspowerful empathetic words spilledpowerful supportive wordspowerful non verbal expressions of privilegewonderand the change was happening.

I halted the silence and asked for reflectionsdialogue serious faces stumbled out words of respecthesitant, cautious phrases offered explicit wordsof comfortof loveof supportof empathyWe had experienced something we will never forgetand it had been, still was, a changing experience.

The group had all experienced violence to the personfrom a 'one on one' attackto death of a family member with a gun.Being in a 'scared to death' situation with hammers being usedBeing fearful of their own survival.Now we can start from reality, to work at moving from awareness to skills. Skills to provide tools in the life toolbox to enable the worker to better deal with a conflict situation. Firstly not making the incident escalate. The being better able to manage self and calm the explosion from another.

It is over. I am left drained from the experience. The word 'privilege' stays in my gut from the day.

"We only see human behaviour - we never see a human's experience"Unless there is a structured opportunity to share like this, important experiences remain unknown. We see behaviour but we don't hear the story.So many explosive humans, aggressive humans, tortured humans, emotionally torn humans have stories untold. Damage untold. Abuse untold.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Just moved 16,000 pictures from one mac to another. My life flashed before me.

Injustice triggers tears in me.

Tears today at Wilson Mansions.Joan home from a stressful four days caring for her Mother who is in great need.We both shed tears ........But the tears came in relief as we heard that little Alan, the wee son of Anita and Tomek, came through a six hour+ operation on his head. Tears and prayers flow mingled down.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Mothers Day

Today is my Mothers Birthday.

It is also the anniversary, this month, of my Mothers death.

All four sons were with her when she died in hospital.I held her hand until she stopped breathing.It was a special time.It was beautiful in so many ways.Sad and distressing - yesbut a privilege ...........

I have sometimes communicated in this blog dipping place, and you who may have read about it if you have clicked this way before.I have told about when I was working in the East End of London. Working with youth street gangs giving my all - beyond breaking point.Demanding it was. Giving it was....... and at the same time ....

My Mother was about to enter hospital to have her legs amputated - one above the knee, one below the knee. Here I was in East London, in the most deprived community in the nation working with beautiful humans who were deep into crime and enjoying violence and .......... my Mother was due to enter hospital over 200 miles away.

I was sat near the snooker table in the club.Back to the wall.I always sit with my back to the wall.The young humans I work with had heard about my Mother and of what was about to happen.I was subdued that evening and not my usual bustling, bouncy, verbal self.As I sat with my back to the wall near to the snooker table - one of the toughest of the gang members walked around the table a couple of times. Walking ever so slow - walking ever so close - but not stopping .....Then, as he walked past me again, and as he did he just stroked my hair away from my forehead and walked on............ that was the point when the sobs rose from my chest as I felt it - that act of beautiful tenderness ....... As I click these keys now tears fill my eyes - again.

I choked, I think, because I was at a depth of vulnerability I felt and I connected with those feelings - felt that.Also it was because I connected with the act of non-verbal sensitivity, gentleness and kindness pouring out of an inarticulate frame of a tough and violent young man.I remembered it now and it moves my soul ..........

I learned a lot from that incident of care. That incident was not a chosen moment of my vulnerability.But I learned that it is a mistake to see vulnerability as a weakness.Vulnerability is all about disclosing the authentic me.

Since then I have chosen, and tried my best, to reveal my vulnerability. Not because I am submissive (instead of assertive) or in Child ego state (instead of Adult ego state).It is part of the process of me 'telling you who I am'.It has driven my sensitivity towards 'the least' 'the underside' and many beautiful humans I spend time with regularly (who some say have 'special needs' ).......... .......haven't we all?

So with the people we work with - some people call them clients, and those we work alongside - some say colleagues ..... it seems to me that we need to practice the naked act of sharing when we feel life experiences ...... both the roses and the thorns.Beautiful Imperfection ........................