Top 11 Damon Snarks from The Vampire Diaries Season 3, Episode 16, “1912”

Damon Salvatore is the snark king of Mystic Falls. Sure, he mumbles and has a tendency to smirk. But oh — the things that come out of his mouth. So what witticisms did prime time’s finest bloodsucker drop this week? Here are Damon’s best zingers from “1912.”

11. A little acknowledgment please..Damon: I saved your life last night. You’re welcome.

10. Be careful what you ask forDamon: I guess I could rip out Dr. False Accusation’s throat. Maybe her tongue. You know I could chew it up into little tiny pieces and feed it to the squirrels.Elena: Stop it Damon.Damon: Guess me staying out of it sounds like a good idea. Doesn’t it?

9. Back to normal?Damon: I’m mean. You hate me. The earth is back on its axis.

8. Let’s do the time warp againDamon: Nineteen-twelve: Or, as I like to call it. The last time Mystic Falls had a serial killer on its hands.

6. Post-coital dissDamon: You know you don’t have to disguise your true motives. If you want more sex, just ask for it.Rebekah: Not enough liquor in the world.Damon: Ah, it was too good for you to be this hostile.

4. Boys Night OutDamon: Easy there lushy pants. It’s been a hoot and a half. But it’s boys’ night and you weren’t invited.

3. Can you buy that cleanse at Walgreens?Rebekah: Why are you so grumpy?Damon: He’s on a master cleanse, trying to be a better man and all.Rebekah (to Stefan): You know you were a lot more fun in the ‘20s.Damon: Don’t rile him up. He’s testy when he’s being self-righteous.Stefan: I’m not being self-righteous Damon. I’m just not interested in slaughtering innocent human beings anymore.Damon: Fair enough. My mistake. You used to be self-righteous.