Gentrification at its pretentious best.

BBQ Festival Going Ahead As Police Foil Good Friday Attacks

The organisers of the annual Good Friday BBQ Festival have praised the quick actions of police in preventing what they say ‘could have resulted in a significant loss of life’ at their planned event this Good Friday. Federal police raided three Catholic Church lairs parishes early this morning and made several arrests during a joint operation with state authorities codenamed, ‘Out of the Frying Pan, Into The Friar’.

A large weapons and explosives haul was reported to have been found behind wall panels in confession booths, sacristies and storage rooms. There were also detailed plans found that clearly outlined even more attacks against local butchers and some major chain supermarkets.

The attacks are believed to have been aimed at areas where people would be purchasing or eating red meat on Good Friday, which is strictly forbidden by the Catholic Church during Lent.

The church is thought to have made the rule up centuries ago, along with a plethora of others, in an attempt to annoy people for absolutely no reason at all. The rule has no basis in any scripture known today, yet some church hard-liners, nicknamed ‘Furious Padres’, enforce these man-made rituals with an iron fist.

Police are yet to release more details and name those arrested, but the annual BBQ Festival, which has been running for over 20 years, will go ahead as planned according to several sauces.