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Author
Topic: Anger (Read 6085 times)

I am dealing with this with my therapist but thought I would ask you guys.Is it normal for me to be angry that I am on meds and the guy that infected me isn't.There are other things I am angry about having this in my body.Allowing myself to get infected.Being naive enough to trust someone who obvisously didn't have enough respect for me to keep the condom on.His #'s are almost as good as mine and he has never had to take meds.I went on meds 3 months after becoming poz.I even tried a med break last summer but that only lasted 6 weeks.Just pisses me off.Sorry for the rant. Chris

I think it is very normal to feel anger. It is part of the "healing". The key is not to hold on to this anger and truly be able to let go of the anger if this is holding you back. We all go through this, there is shock, sadness, anger all in one. From my point of view, it is better to let go of the anger so you can move on with your life. Of course, we all need time to work it all out and the process is different for everyone.I wish you the best with your therapy.

Rich(who learned how to let go)

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I can understand your anger. I have experienced this too. For me it helps to channel it into something productive whatever that may be for you. I think in time it will go away and not be as strong. I hope you feel better soon

I am dealing with this with my therapist but thought I would ask you guys.Is it normal for me to be angry that I am on meds and the guy that infected me isn't.

What was your therapist's answer? I'm no pro but I think anger is probably normal. If you said eyeball-rolling ain't-that-a-kick-in-the-head where's-the-karma envy, then yeah, that's definitely normal! Wishing you well, AH

The therapist and I are just now broaching the subject.I thought I had forgiven the man that infected me but the feelings of anger overpower me at times towards him.I am not letting it control my life just sometimes it interfears with it.Unfortunately he is still a part of my life we have allot of the same friends so I see him quite often and in a small town its hard to get a new circle of friends that will accept you being poz.For ex. I came home from my b/f's this morning and he was sleepuing on my couch.My roomate had invited him to stay overnight.Glad i wasn't home last night.I can't telll my roomate who to have here and not to.It's his apt.I am working on gettting my own place should know in a week. Chris

Chris, as far as I am concerned the term "normal" doesn't apply here. The point is you have whatever feelings you have. In this instance anger is coming up. Some of the details you've mentioned like mutual friends, being in a small town and coming home to find him sleeping in your living room -- well, having yoru lives intertwined tha way continues to stir a still-fresh pot.

After all, from what I can gather it's not like we're talking about something from the dim past. It's still relatively recent. Taking all of that into consideration it's not surprising that you have lots of feeling and some of it pretty intense. Be with the feeling and don't misconstrue that you have to go into some kind of action about it. Feelings -- they come and go, and like I said can be pretty intense at times.

As your life continues to evolve and grow in new ways some of this will diminish. Respect your feelings without clinging to them. That requires some effort on your part. Effort which focuses on the here and the now rather than the "back then."

Without getting too new agey here, I'll mention something that some find useful -- if you're a guy who prays, pray for your ex to be well and successful and all that good stuff. Now don't expect me to be able to say exactly why, but somehow doing this sometimes seems to have the effect of lifting corossive resentments. You have to do it genuinely, however difficult at first. See if that helps.

And finally Chris, respect your feelings and give yourself time with moving on.

I know who infected me but it was a random hook up. I do not feel particularly angry towards him. I am not sure what I feel exactly about him and about that encounter, beyond regret that it ever happened of course.

However, I do want to say that I have misgivings about the idea that we should 'move on' from these feelings about what happened, about getting infected. On the one hand, this is surely good psychological advice. I don't want to dwell in anger and regret and blame and hatefulness. On the other hand, these emotions shape what the experience means for us in the present, and so I don't think our anger at the person who infected us can exactly be wished away. To me that anger taps into a sense of injustice. Above all it reminds me that in fact I did not infect myself.

Chris, when I say "move on," I am not suggesting that you should "get over it" in the jargon way that is often used. There are some experiences and events which never quite lose their depth of meaning for us. I'm thinking for instance of the loss of someone very special or the ending of a relationship that was particularly painful.

Sometimes the term "get over it" is used in such circumstances, or even more infuriatingly there's "lighten up." From my point of view both are disrespectful of our experiences. Without going into details I can think of something I don't know that I will ever forgive the other person involved about. It's beyond my ability to forgive or at least it has been until now, But for MY own sake and in order to get on in my life I have uhmm -- put it away, so to speak. It can't be undone, it can't be re-done. So I leave it "there" and continue on with my life.

Perhaps the support you get here will help to bring you greater peace in your life. I see that as a part of what we do for each other here.

I can so relate to this as well; my ex- who infected me hasn't even shown symptoms of hiv and I've been on meds for almost three years .1. combivir/viracept 2.atripla- i had an allergic reaction to this one 3. norvir,truvada, reyataz and every time i have to take those little pills i get angry and that's normalgood luckPaulette

I can totally understand the anger. There are times I have to just let myself feel it. The problem with the anger is that many times we feel bad for having it. This starts a whole ball rolling. Angry at someone else for the negative effects they have on our life. Angry for letting ourselves get in the situation. Angry for feeling angry. I understand. What to do about it. Baby steps I suppose. I agree with Andy pray. I wish I had a good answer. All I can say is that I understand.Peter