Archive for March, 2008

I am as shocked as probably every one of you in what I wrote. I never expected that so much of “ME” would come out. Looking back on my life, what came out is “ME”. I was either “prophetic” when I wrote my first “email/post” or I was “inspired” to write it by this mysterious essence that surrounds us that I have come to call What? Is!.

I have started re-reading everything that I wrote. The first quote, in my first entry was,

“Everybody sees how you seem, however, only some know who you are!”

Coincidently, or not, the author of this quote is unknown. Why would such a profound statement be anonymous?

The second quote I wrote was this,

“When you do not seek or need external approval, you are at your most powerful. Nobody can disempower you emotionally or psychologically…You cannot live for prolonged periods of time within the polarity of being true to yourself and needing the approval of others.”
Caroline Myss, Sacred Contracts: Awakening Your Divine Potential

I have written on numerous occasions how I have, hopefully, exorcised a number of my demons. I have come to the conclusion that I had to return home at this time. Why? Because we are different people when we are around the people we are normally around and in our “home” environment. We revert back to the person we think they want us to be. It’s been difficult being the carefree, “inspired” person that I was when I was traveling. I have to work hard at living the inspired life that I want to live.

People go to Mardi Gras in New Orleans, or to Las Vegas to escape who they think they are and put on a mask to experience being someone else. I took my Journey and the opposite happened. I found out that the opposite was happening. I was being a hypocrite when I was at home. I would preach, much like the preachers in New Orleans, about living a certain life and I was “secretly”, in some ways, living a contradictory life.

I haven’t gone into details about some of the instances I have acted as a hypocrite because some things are too personal. You may find that hard to believe after all that I have written, but yes, there are. Some people have asked why I didn’t write some of the things I wrote in my blog in a personal journal if the reason I wrote them was for my own benefit?

I don’t find it a coincidence that I returned home in time for Easter and the Resurrection of Jesus Christ. I was not crucified on a cross, but some people are “crucifying” what I wrote in their thoughts. Christ’s disciples misunderstood his teachings while he was on earth much the same way a lot of you have misunderstood what I have written in my blog. Some of you might consider it blasphemous that I can even consider comparing my life to Christ’s.

Christ gave his life to save humanity. We must all strive to live like him. Instead of taking my Journey and writing what I wrote, if I would have decided to live like Christ and given up my comfy standard of living and gone to Africa to work directly with the Aids Missions, or gone to some other Third World Country to serve in some capacity, a lot of you would have had nothing but praise for me.

I know I have a different purpose. I cannot convince any of you to live more Christlike. Maybe some of you have started thinking about your own life? If this guy, that we call Paul, can openly express himself, maybe I can start writing my thoughts in a personal journal and reflect on my own life? Am I living a Christlike life? Do I even want to live that life? It doesn’t matter whether I believe in God, What? Is! or any supreme being, am I being compassionate to my fellow human beings? Do I go out of my way to consciously do what is “Right”. That’s a big one. What is “Right”?

Do I thank people for doing what they should be doing? Do I observe posted speed limits? Do I “fudge” numbers on my taxes, omitting something that should be included but nobody knows about it so it doesn’t matter if I don’t include it. Do you acknowledge (thank) people who do things for you? No matter how small or even if they are consciously doing it! Do you say “Thank You” to no one in particular, for the beautiful sunset or the rain or the sun?

We all decide what is “Right” for “Us”. When we start doubting, or have second thoughts about something we did then there’s a good chance that it’s our consciousness speaking. Then we should listen.

In know this is my epilogue to my Journey. My Journey is far from over. I must work hard at being who I am and mostly, who I want to be. I must still suffer. Why? That is part of the process. Salvation, and peace of mind, is not possible without suffering. Jesus Christ cried out as he hung on the cross, “Father, Why have you forsaken me?” He was suffering so that we may all be saved. He showed the way.

I must also show the way. I look at the big picture. I am a Visionary Philosopher. I am a Mystic. I am a Prophet….or Not!