Reaching Beyond Myself

Friday, February 29, 2008

Homeownership

Ah yes, the magical word.......homeownership

Honestly, it's a scary word for me personally. Especially after our failed attempt in Michigan. It was heartwrenching, nauseating and emotionally-charged, yet I find myself secretly excited about the possibility.

I blame it on my husband.

He's the one who is jumping at the opportunity to go look at houses today......oh yes, you heard me.....TODAY!!!!!!!

Ok, so here's a little perspective for you.

I am unemployed, he's a full-time college student.

Sidenote: Sure I'm looking for a job/career. I've sent out over 75 resumes. People are extremely slow here in the Midwest. Unlike Florida, where you send out 15 resumes and you have 15 interviews within the week, mostly ending with job offers.

Oh contrarier, not so in Missouri (aka: Mizzer-ah add twang as desired)

here.......you send out a resume.......then you wait......and wait......and wait some more

Potientially a year goes by and then you might actually start the job that you applied for in 2007 in 2009.......no joke people.

So back to homeownership.

I will indulge my hubby's dream of looking, wanting and desiring a place of our own. I can even understand his logic. We will be living here for atleast 4 more years, so why not.....right?

Logically, not the best time in our life.Personally, it freaks me out-especially in light of the impending recession that Bush assures us isn't happening (get a grip dude, it's here!!!)Emotionally, I know looking at these houses that are cheap (did I mention the cost of living here is riduculously inexpensive......$50,000 and you have an amazing house.....no joke!!!!) will only cause me to want to be a homeowner.

Ah, but then reality sets in and I realize that it's all a dream and the truth of the matter is, WHO, in their right mind would give a college student and his unemployed wife a mortgage?

do you know anyone because we need a mortgage, drop a note and I'll give you my email.......just kidding.....geesh people......no seriously, I will send you an email.......come on already, it's a joke people!!

Then I say to myself, "sure honey, we'll look, we just can't buy"

and the world is as it should be.........

me happily rentinghubby happily daydreaming

ahhhhh, the joys of theidea of homeownership......so much excitement and stress......

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Cotton balls, snow balls and **ahem** other balls.....

Cotton balls.........a mom's new best friend?.........hmmmToday, I had Addy's parent/teacher conference.Rest assure, she's a genius :)She is proficient in math, word sounds, reading, reading comprehension. Translation: she is where the teacher would expect her to be heading into 1st grade and she's already there!!

As I trail off into a beautiful daydream, involving my beautiful daughter, Harvard applications and future presidential efforts, I realize the teacher is still talking to me.......oops....

My cheeks turn red and I come back to reality.

I hear her say something about......handwriting.....

oh yes, right, handwriting........fine motor skills......please work on at home.....

She's struggling with her fine motor skills....right...... "a leftover from her premature birth", I think to myself as the teacher continues.....

"So Mrs. D, if you could just get her a bag of cotton balls, a close pin and a bucket, have her take the cotton balls out with the clothes pin......make it a fun game!" The teacher finishes saying.

"Wow", I think to myself, "creative, efficient and cost-effective, no wonder I love her teacher."So cotton balls.......

"Absolutely, I will get some right away." I assure her teacher as I wave from the classroom doorway.

The Plan: to start with cotton balls and graduate up to the one hand-held paper puncher before 1st grade. After that the sky is the limit....."hmmmm", I wonder to myself as I drive away in my SUV, "I wonder how much I will need to raise for Harvard?"Snow balls........Being from the frigid and dreary state of Michigan, the only exciting event in the winter was making and playing in the snow. As an adult, I figured moving from the Sunshine state, back to a cold, Midwestern state like Missouri, would bring back this seasonal gift for my children.

Wrong.

Instead, we've learned Missouri's snow last for about an hour once it has landed. The 1/16th of an inch that arrives quickly turns into slush or worse......ice

Well this small phenomena doesn't stop my children from wanting to make snow balls........

~Which leads me to my next statement~

In the event that I meet my Maker after being bludgeoned to death with an ice ball to the temple. I leave all of my blog space to my dear friend, rainydayinmay, who helped get me mildly addicted to said space.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Disney On Ice

Oh yes, we are going.........

I'm so excited. Probably more than a 33 year woman should be, but we are planning a great "girls day outing" to see this show on ice in Kansas City, Mo the end of March. Adalai and I are going with our good friends, Jen and Emma. Jen is Emma's mommy and Adalai's newest best friend, or "twin" as Adalai would like to tell you.

Just the four girls are driving down to see the Princesses in all their glory.

The best part of it is that my very anti-Disney husband is completely fine with us going. I think this will open up the doorway to allow my daughter the opporutnity to explore their fairy tale stories in all their glory.

Besides I don't know who he thinks he's kidding, because when I showed Adalai the promo video for the ice show on www.disney.com she could name every single princess and her prince charming.....lol

Friday, February 22, 2008

What to do...oh....What to do....

So I've been following most of the political debates on CNN. I just watched the debate in Texas between Hillary and Obama and I must say. I do not like Hillary Clinton. Something about her is very plastic. Maybe it's her lack of geninusness, I don't know, but it's something.......

I've also decided I don't like McCain. Now keep in mind, I'm typically a republican voter. Yep, I voted for Bush. Looking back would I have done it again, having known then what I know now? Probably because at the time, I didn't care for or feel compelled by another republican canidate, sorry Kerry, you just didn't do it for me.

So now there is BarakObama. A man, for the most part, I agree with. He and I part ways at his opinions on gay rights and those of an unborn child. BUT, I like him better than McCain. So what am I to do? At what point, does compromise become inevidetable and convictions such as marriage and abortion are bendable? are they as a Christ follower? Honestly, I don't know. My heart say no. My husband says no. His take is that atleast McCain would stand for some principles we feel strongly about. BUT, my question is, "would he?" I mean....really, would he? When the rubber meets the road, will he stand up in outrage against partial birth abortion? Bush didn't, so why would McCain be any different?

In this day, as a woman who has survived and overcome serious health conditions like a benign brain tumor and epilepsy, HEALTH CARE is extremely important to me. It becomes more important every day as I've lost my job and can't pay the $800 a month to maintain my old policy. Is Health Care a big enough reason to vote for a different party? Honestly, I don't know.

I tell you. My top republican choice is Mike Huckabee, but let's face it, he's almost out of the race. My second rep. choice, Romney and he's out. McCain, not even a real option. For dems. Edwards would make me vote for McCain (and that's not saying much about him) I will not vote for Hillary, but I don't think she'll win the party nomination. So this leaves me in quite the pickle. If it comes down to McCain and Obama. It's Obama all the way for me.......I think......ugh, this political race is a tough one for me.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Get to know me........ :)

100 random tidbits about moi......

I am 33 years old.I am a momI am a wifeI am a sisterI am a granddaughterI am a friendI am fiercely competitive when it comes to things like board games, working out at the gym or debating.My grandma Lewis is my biggest hero.She has inspired me to live as a better wife, mother and nurturer.I wear my emotions on my sleeve.Women scare me.I tend to only have a small circle of really close girlfriends.I like it that way.If you are in that circle, you know it ;)I was raised by a single mom.I have only one biological sister, 1 stepsister and 2 ex-stepsisters.I think the word “blended” is a superficial way of saying, “messed up”Only in reference to family though.I’ve lived in 6 US states and 2 countries.My favorite state, by far, was Florida.My favorite country, by far, was Italy.I love Fort Myers.I wish we were still there.I have a social work degree.I would like to get my Master’s.If I could go to any college, I would like to go to USC.I’ve always wanted to learn how to race real race cars.I like to get my nails done.At one time, I had ruby red hair, I hated it.I’m a natural brunette.I’ve been married for 7.5 years.We were engaged on our first date.I love my husband with my whole heart.He is my exact and extreme opposite.He makes me giggle.He is sexy to me, especially in a white shirt when he’s playing his guitar JI love to watch him play with our children.He’s the best dad I’ve ever seen.He makes me want to be a better person.He inspires me.I probably don’t tell him that enough or very often.I am inspired by people.The most inspiration person in history, in my opinion, besides Bible people was Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.I would have loved to hear him speak.I am passionate.I love music, all types.I’m easy going and tough all in one.I am a brain tumor survivor.I am a migraine sufferer survivor.I love my children.They hold my heart.They make me stand in awe of being a mom.I am a Christian.Without faith in God, I would be dead by now.I became a Christ follower in April 1995.I was a leader with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, while in college.I wish I would have tried Campus Crusade for Christ.I’ve lived much of my life in fear, mostly of failure.I choose to embrace each new day as a day full of freedom. This is hard for me.I’m drawn to passionate, compassionate, intellectual and merciful people.I’m not a big ice cream fan.I prefer salty chips and chewy candies over ice cream and chocolates.My favorite flowers are: Gerber daisies, regular daisies, red roses or tulips.I hate the smell of fresh tar.I love the smell of car exhaust.My favorite season is summer.I love to swim in the ocean.My favorite color changes with my mood.I prefer pink on my daughter while she’s young.I don’t have a favorite food, really.I love water with lots of ice.I’m addicted to reality TV.I’m currently reading a book called Practical Justice.I love to wrap up in a quilt with a book on a dreary rainy day.I’m a home-body.I like to wear my PJs after work.I only have one real regret in life.I hate to “pick up” but I love to deep clean.I prefer vacuuming and cooking to baking and cleaning toilets.I always wanted braces, but my teeth were too straight.I played basketball through high school and started when I was in third grade.I love college ball.I will always be a UK Wildcat fan.I don’t understand football, nor do I have a desire to.I’m not fond of the presidential candidates who are running.I’m currently undecided.I think our social welfare system in this country completely stinks.I think it needs a major overhaul.I’m addicted to shoes.My favorite brand of tennis shoes is New Balance.My secret wish is to start running again.I tore cartilage in my knee in 2002.I’ve had my tonsils removed, when I was 7 years old.I think divorce is too easy in this country and the idea of commitment is lost on most people.I would like to start an orphanage in Brazil.I would like to learn to be fluent in Spanish.I’m taking a jewelry making class, starting in March.I like to set attainable goals for each New Year for myself.I feel blessed each day to be aliveI feel content with my life.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

It's my time to make a change

This season of my life has been rough, or atleast lately. Not because I lost my job and am now unemployed. Rather because during this season I'm seeing my complete need to be transformed into the likeness of Jesus.

It may sound trite, but I assure you, it is not. I am seeing my pure need for Jesus.

and I say, "it's about time!"

I'm reading this book called, "Practical Justice" by Kevin Blue. Jeff bought it for me at his school's bookstore. Sure I picked it out, but he actually got it for me, which made me feel like I had to read it now. Afterall, he bought it for me. :)

So I am only in the very beginning, but it's one of those books that you read a few pages and have to stop to "chew" on what you just read.

It's challenging, provoking and at times disturbing, but it's exactly what I need for this season of my life.

You see, when I was in college, I was involved with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. I spent one summer pouring my life into an inner-city urban project that I was very passionate about, but it was hard. Hard in ways that changed my life forever. I left that project sure that I would spend my life devoted to racial reconciliation and ministering among the poor. Instead what happened was that I became the stereotypical surburban housewife of this millienum. You know the one.

How did I go from raising support and living among the poor to driving my soccer mom SUV, while cleaning my potterybarn house as I call to have my nails pedicured and my highlights touched up?

How?

This question wasn't even looming in the back of my head until I picked up this "purchased-for-me, disturbing, thought-provoking, blasted book!!"

As I read it, I am being changed by the Holy Spirit. My flesh is fighting the spirit that dwells within as I am confronted with my personal sin. The sin of acceptance by people because of the things that I have and the things that I hid so they don't see.

YUCK!!

So I'm laying in bed last night, reading.....ya know....."that book, the one purchased for me that I feel I have to read" (but if I really admit out-loud, the one that God is using to change my heart and be confronted with my sin) and I come across this thought.......oh......eeek......huh.....

"The kingdom of God is found in the dirty, grimy, common places of the world. And in his presence we are all changed."

Seriously, the dirty, grimy, common places of the world?

wow, but I don't like those places, Lord.

I like the pottery barn stores and the whole food shops with other yuppies and the nice fitness center, not the **ahem** YMCA downtown, not the store with the....**gulp** foodstamp people. But Lord, I feel....ah....scared in those places. What would my "friends" think of me? Would they think, I'm on foodstamps? oh know, then what? surely, they would talk about me behind my back. Surely they would think less of me. Surely they wouldn't invite me to hang out with them for fear my kids give their kids the "poor" disease.

Then it hits me.

I am pathetic.

I fail to see the presence of God in those dirty, grimy places, because I won't even go there.I see my sin and realize,if I stay as I am, I am just lukewarmand who wants to be spit out of the Lord's mouth?

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Some 2008 "must see" movie list

I don't know what it is about sitting in a dark movie theatre, munching on salty, crunchy popcorn while the world around you falls away. BUT, I must admit that I love going to the movies. I love escaping for a while into a world of make believe, maybe it's the girl inside....I don't know, but I love it. I love the smell of the old seats, the chattering among the watchers as they wait for the movie to start. I love seeing what movies are coming out next. I love the anticipation when a film is first previewed until the opening day. I love watching and laughing or crying, being challenged or provoked emotionally. Hollywood does that to me. I'm either feeling all warm and cuddly inside or ready to rip my guts out at what I just witnessed.

Today Jeff took the kids and I got to go to the movies (alone, another favorite of mine) to see 27 dresses. While I admit, it was "cute" it was just ok, BUT, the whole experience of the movie theatre made it well worth the 6.50 I spent on my ticket. Two previews that looked like movies I want to see were: Definately, maybe and Stop-loss. I didn't want to forget the titles of these two movies, so hence this "note" Which led me to thinking of all the new movies I want to see this year.

So I thought I would make a list......here goes......

The Great DebatersAtonementMad MoneyDefinately, maybeStop-lossUntraceableJumperThe Bucket ListOver Her Dead BodyHow She MoveJunoThere will be blood21Speed RacerChronicles of NarinaThe Dark KnightCharlie Wilson's WarThings We Lost in the FireThe Other Boyeln GirlWantedThe InternationalEagle EyeThe Changleling

To list just a few ;)

I'm sure I missed some, but these are a good start to a "must see" list for 2008

To reach beyond oneself, is to truly be self-sacrificing. To look beyond the limits past the outer walls, means to have faith there is something there, someone there waiting for you to get there.
Reaching beyond myself is a place I need to live in daily, yet fail at miserbly.
Fumble along with me as I journey through learning how to balance parenting, marriage, work, and health on this fast track called L.I.F.E.