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22 July 2008

chef pick-up lines.

we don't get out much, but when we do, watch out. fuego!am looking for suggestions on how chefs can pick up those in the greater public.sure i could date a waiter or a host, but i don't want to look like i believe my own hype. it's so 5 minutes ago. it's been done. and done. I am not a Food Network star. but i want to look beyond the doors of a restaurant.

what do you think of these:

"Need your knife sharpened, baby?""Looks like you need a little extra seasoning in your life. I got the right kinds of salt.""How about we quit this crazy service and pass out at my place?""Want to learn how to truss with me?""Wanna see my meat walk-in?"

"Do you know how to dance the Meringue?"

"I'm like a slow braised protein. A tender, succulent animal.""Can I call you up again after midnight?""Mmmmmm, you smell like brown butter. Delicious.""Wanna get together on my next day off, next month?"

"Meet your parents? Sure, show them the kitchen after dinner. I'll be there every night this week.""You're the best thing I've seen all year.""Damn! You dance like a headless chicken! I can't wait to pick your feathers!""Oooooh the insides of your arms are so smooth.""You make me smokin' hot, like 220 all day.""Maybe we could see that movie you were talking about next year?"

this is from a male perspective, so deal...(like you haven't had plenty of it I'm sure)

Any big chef: "How you doin? wanna get a whopper?"

Any short chef: "Do you looove my faux hawk? I will keel you..with love!"

Southern chef: "Y'all like beef?"

New York Chef in Texas: "You all Like beef - ay! I'm talkin to the both of yuz!"

Bobby Flay: " Are you KIDDING ME? Look at me! I can grill your feet! Look at my nipples! That shirt would look better with a roasted red pepper vinaigrette on it. I make it in a blender. On a roof. You have awesome technique."

Christopher Walken as a chef: "I got a FEVAH.. and the only pahSCRIPRTion... is you...makin me eggs in... the morning".

Michael Ruhlman: "Why yes, it WAS me playing keyboards for JOURNEY in 1982. Didn't my hair look AWESOME?! We can go back to my place and you can touch it - put this cheesecloth over your hands."

Borat Chef: "I would like to have the sexual with you - meet my sister, she is one with camera"

One of my favorites, was from the movie Stranger Than Fiction. Not really a pick up line though. He met her (a baker he was just starting to date) late one night after closing and said 'I bought you some flowers'. He handed her an open box, and it was filled with little packets of different flours.

My last sous chef and I were like brother and sister (read: no sexual energy) and when things would get intense during service, he would ask me kind of quietly, "wanna make out?" and we would both die laughing and try not to die from service.

Well, I was gonna post "Can I have some fries with that shake?" but someone beat me to it...like this phrasing better, though. And my wife says everything tastes better with brown butter on it, so that one is my fave of the original bunch.

Are you smoking? (No!) Oh, yes you are!
Hey I just realized this, but you look a lot like my next girlfriend.
You've been a bad girl. Go to my room.
I'm invisible. (Really?) Can you see me? (Yes) How about tomorrow night?
You look like my third wife! (How many have you had?) Two.
Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap hotel room across the street.
Was your father an alien? Cos honey on planet earth there's nothing else like you!
Hi. I'm an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
I know I'm not a grocery item but I can tell when you're checking me out.