The Art of Being a Jerk Online: 10 Sure Ways

If you’re past the age of Mosaics and Busters, you might want to make sure you’re sitting down. In fact, you may want to hold on to your chair real tight. I’m using a style of language here that some may misinterpret. I’m doing it to make a point. So “Frankie says relax” before you read on . . .

According to recent studies (you know, the same ones that show that research is known to cause cancer in rats), if two Christians disagree with one another online for more than three consecutive days, there is a 97.3% chance that one of them will end up calling the other a “child of Satan” or a near-equivalent.

With that in mind, here are ten sure-fire ways to perfect the art of being a jerk online:

1. Move from arguing the substance of a disagreement to attacking the person with whom you disagree. (This is called an ad hominem argument. Attack the messenger when you disagree with their message. People often do this when they can’t win an argument.)

2. Assume what other people think and believe rather than asking them directly. And state your assumption about what they think and believe as though it were gospel fact to others. (Did I say without asking the person whose name you’re dropping directly about what he/she believes or thinks? I’m always amazed when Christians do this.)

3. Write things to or about your fellow sistas and bruthas in Christ that you would never have the gall to say to their faces. (In other words, play the part of a gutless wonder and a spineless coward.)

4. Don’t read a blog post or comment carefully. Instead, read “into it,” jump to conclusions, then go off (or go snarky) on the blogger or commenter. To be more specific, never ask clarifying questions about something you just read (such as, “Maybe I’m not understanding you correctly, but are you saying xyz?” . . . or . . . “If what you’re saying is true, what is your response to abc?”). Nope. Just lay into the person after you’ve “read into” their post or comment. Ask no questions in a gracious manner, only make statements and accusations.

5. Write something online when you are angry or your feelings have just been hurt. Give no time to bring it to the Lord. Stone that angel who is telling you to wait because you’re not in the Spirit. Instead, let your emotions control your reaction.

6. Presume to know what another person is thinking and assume you know the motives behind their words and actions. Put yourself in the seat that only God Almighty occupies and impugn their intentions. (Anytime a person says something like, “You said that because” . . . or “You were trying to xyz when you said or did abc” that person is judging the motives of another mortal.)

7. Engage in “drive-by” character assassination by posting a comment on other people’s blogs that smears the reputation of another child of God. Don’t post your real name and your real email address when you leave the flaming comment. And hope that the blogger is sloppy enough to not notice the comment so they don’t delete it immediately. (As heinous and immature as this is, I’m sorry to say that some “Christians” actually do this sort of thing. Interestingly, every comment left on a blog has an identifiable IP address. So it’s not that difficult to identify the person.)

8. If someone gives you a response, ignore their response and repeat your points over again. Have the attitude, “Don’t confuse me with the facts,” and disregard what they say. Just keep pushing the same points over and over again, hoping that they will eventually agree with you.

9. With forethought and deliberation, completely misrepresent what another person has said or written, then play the victim. For instance, accuse someone of attacking others when they’ve attacked no one. Accuse them of holding to beliefs and ideas that they don’t hold to. Play on the fact that some Christians will believe whatever you write instead of going to the source to verify if what you’re saying is accurate or not. While this is the height of fleshly activity, it’s fitting for the one who is perfecting the art of being an online jerk.

10. Forget what your Lord taught you. Defy your spiritual instincts and grieve the Holy Spirit of God by treating other people (especially those you don’t like) in a way that you would never want to be treated yourself. Post things online to and about others that you’d never want posted to and about you or your loved ones. In other words, claim you believe Jesus’ words in Matthew 7:12, but disobey them without wincing.

About Frank Viola

Frank Viola is a best-selling author, A-list blogger, speaker, and consultant to authors and writers. His mission is to help serious followers of Jesus know their Lord more deeply so they can experience real transformation and make a lasting impact. See his About page for more information.

Comments

#5 “Write something online when you are angry or your feelings have just been hurt. Give no time to bring it to the Lord. Stone that angel who is telling you to wait because you’re not in the Spirit. Instead, let your emotions control your reaction.”

– Oh goodness: Facebook. I have more than my share of Christian friends and worst offenders. Who among us is even taking it to the Lord anymore, when we can get such strong support from our “Facebook friends?” Love this post, convicted. Ugh.

Frank: Most of us can very naturally follow those 10 steps without much effort. However, to do just the opposite takes much grace, courage, love, humility, obedience to Christ, and surrender to the Spirit (ie. dying to self and ego). It ain’t easy to not be a jerk on line, but it is sure an important part of our calling and our witness to avoid those 10 pitfalls. Thanks for the post and the reminder.

Great post! Well said! It drives me crazy how “Christians” comment on other people’s blogs these days. The poor author has to then defend themselves, against their own “brothers and sisters”. Loved the title of your post too!

Thank you so much for writing this perfect piece. I’m convinced that the Holy Spirit brought me to you. I was so angry at a doctor’s office for not helping my daughter when she was extremely ill. I was looking for examples of how people use online blogging to unveil their disgust and instead, your blog showed up during my search. I write this with little tears in my eyes. I don’t know you but you were my guardian angel today. God bless you : )

Thanks for this post. I really appreciate it. Recently I am learning how important it is to listen in order to understand another person and where they are coming from. While this doesn’t mean (I fear some people think it does and thats why they avoid it) people have to agree it does allow for a more respectful and understandable discussion and understanding of the issue. And maybe (just maybe 🙂 ) we can even learn to appreciate someone else.

It seems to me that there is two categories that are not discussed in this article. The so-called “Christians” may not be Christians at all. To summarize Jesus: the fruit tells us the root. This is not ad–hominem because the fruit is observed first and then deductions are drawn. What should we do with a person like this? Biblically we should rebuke them based on their actions which include the words they say. Then we invite them to repent and believe the Gospel of Jesus and the forgiveness of those sins.
Another category is the truly discerning Christian. In this case one should heed the words of the Lord because the words of the discerning Christian are equivalent in so far as they conform to the revealed word of God. They are words of love for our good and should be heeded.
In both cases we must listen to the argument first before making judgements. We must seek Yehweh and ask for help in response to all criticism.
I feel as though this a more thorough and balanced response to accusations made against Christian ministries on the Internet. Truly fair and balanced responses are usually ignored.

I agree that the principles set forth here show a lot of spiritual and biblical discernment. The bottom line is to treat everyone, professing christians and real christians who we think might be wrong, as we want to be treated if we were in their shoes. That is the crux of Jesus whole teaching in Matthew 7. That means not judging someone’s motives, going to them personally if we have a concern or issue with them, all the things talked about in this post. if you read the comments you’d know that this post isn’t about attacking Christian ministries on the Internet but was inspired by facebook group bickering among christians. but I think the principles of not impuging people’s motives to another person still applies to any kind of commentary as it is not becoming for a biblically discerning christian who follows Jesus. For instance, I could easily impute all sorts of bad motives to everything you wrote, making you out to be an evil person, but if I did that I would be sinning against God and against you. I’ve had people do this to me on facebook and I’ve seen it done to my friends so I’m thankful for this post.

This topic is so timely for almost all parts of our increasingly virtual life. A friend recently commented on the viciousness of comments she had seen on a site where a woman described a party she had held for her child. Some time ago I read an article on ethics and legality in the workplace, specifically in regard to copyright infringement. A comment that stood out to me was the common perspective that “if I cannot be caught, it is not wrong”. We see it in the way we drive (e.g. speeding, rolling through stop signs, etc.), the way we “share” with our friends (e.g. copying DVDs,CD’s, books, etc.), and unfortunately the way we act online (e.g. that questionable website, etc.) I think #3 in your list is a reflection of this same attitude. I can attack you Frank or even one of your critics’ person in a way that I would never do face-to-face, because “I cannot be caught” and thus “made to pay”. This, in my arrogant opinion, is just another way that culture has contaminated those of us in Christ, instead of our working to change the culture by being Christ in our culture.

I don’t always understand where you are coming from, Frank, and I don’t always agree at my current level of understanding, but I do respect your striving to be like Christ as a faithful part of him.

Hey Frank. This is a great post. A very needed word for our day. I’m curious, was there something specific that motivated you to write it? I would think it’s a no-brainer seeing all the nasty ways christians talk to each other on facebook and other mediums, but was just wondering. Thought I’d ask rather than assume. I know it’s a sin to judge someone’s motives and assume what’s in their hearts (a point you make very well here and in ohter writings). Thanks again for writing this.

Thanks for your kind words, John. And thanks for asking instead of assuming. I’m on a few Christian-based Facebook groups that people have added me to. I don’t participate on them myself, but I lurk from time to time.

Many people have left these groups because of the way some of the members talk to each other. I believe that talking about our disagreements, and even engaging in debates, can be healthy because we all can be wrong and we need the tempering of the body of Christ. However, if disagreements are not done in a civil manner and with the graciousness of Christ, damage can occur. Here are two posts by people who left these groups. There are many more like them, unfortunately, but these will give you an idea:

This one is from a young male:

“This group has been hijacked by some excessive people. God’s Grace is sufficient to consider this as acceptable, but there are many good people who are willingly serving Christ and seeking fellowship in groups such as this one. Are you aware of how many no longer visit this group because of the offensive nature of some of the posts? An ongoing pattern can be restricted by the Administration if they so choose.”

Here’s another from a female:

“I have been told that I am being attacked and called evil and devil server on this group by a certain member. All who know mw know this is the furthest thing from the truth. This man is seriously disturbed and I think you all know that by know. I don’t need to defend myself from such nonsense. Where are the admins. for this group!!! To let such evil things go on, you should be ashamed!!! Anyone who knows me and knows this man, knows the real truth! I know you would never give any attention to such slander. Everyone who disagrees with him is evil. I count on my brothers and sisters to defend me since I cannot!”

Mind you, these are “Christian” groups. Based on the comments here, this sort of thing is more common than we’d all like. So this is what inspired me to write the post. I’m glad you and others here have found it of help. May Jesus Christ be glorified in His people, and may we all learn to discuss, disagree, and even debate with the spirit of the Lamb, treating others the exact same way we would wish to be treated, just as our Lord taught.

Your Jerk sounds dangerously close to Proverb’s fool. This guy shows that he is agitated, spreads slander, makes his folly known, loves to quarrel and so on. I wonder what Proverbs would have looked like if Solomon lived in 2012. “I passed by the house of the foolish blogger, by the desk of a man lacking sense…”

Great post. I have unfortunately done #5 and have consequently upset some people I care about. The anger wasn’t toward them, but it came out towards them. My anger was towards someone else completely and I hadn’t brought it to the Lord. They confronted me about it and I repented in tears. (They had a google alert)
I removed the blog post, and we have since moved on, but the pain of that day was worse than the original thing i was upset about (I can’t even remember what it was, in fact)
It’s FAR too easy to crucify someone on the web when we have anonymity. Even if the person knows us, albeit online only, we won’t feel too much guilt in smearing our fellow man. It’s the same with talking badly about the President. We really don’t think he’ll ever read what we write (but God knows), and even if he does, that’s our “right”, isn’t it? <–rhetorical

Christians shouldn’t take that kind of behavior personally; they treat everyone the same way. Of course, I’m being somewhat facetious.

This kind of behavior reflects poorly on Christians in general. If they are disrespectful to their brothers and sisters in Christ then they will be disrespectful to other people in general. Not a strong testimony.

I have to say, though, it can be a challenge at times. I have made the same mistake. But God’s word can convict us to be more sensitive to others and to overcome self-righteous behaviors. When we deflate our pride then love, compassion and understanding can begin to flourish.

And as you also have pointed out previously, and which has stuck with me like snot on a door knob, that given Christ actually lives in us, then however we treat one another is how we are actually treating Christ.

Jesus said, “If you give a cup of water to the least of one of these my bretheren you have done this for me”!

I suppose then if we demean, attack and badmouth any one of the least of these our bretheren, on-line or not, over a comment, point of view, whether agreeable or not, then we are actually giving/treaing Jesus with the same stuff. He is not only witness to our tirade’s but also the receiver. Saddening.

IF WE KNEW JUST HOW MANY OF US WERE ACTING LIKE “JERKS” ONLINE AND OFFLINE WE’D WEEP FOR THE BODY OF CHRIST…AND I DO TODAY. THE FACT THAT SUCH A POST HAD TO BE WRITTEN IS A VERY DEEP HURT. THANK YOU FRANK FOR LOVING US ENOUGH TO SAY WHAT NEEDS SAYING.

AWESOME!!! GOD IS GOOD!!! Holy Spirit MUST BE OUR BEST FRIEND for everyone!

In Facebook group, I did throw a quote by Gandhi “”“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” Received 100 comments while I was away… GUESS WHAT? 100% Positive and Edifying comments after first about 5-10% were 50/50 positive and negative.

I have been guilty of this myself and have even used the term jerk as a curse as in the right context I’ve found many things can be a curse to someone

It is definitely a turn off to me when myself or others skips the topic and goes straight to attacking the person

I find no problem with healthy debate as even the apostles and the early church had debates about certain things

Its unfortunate that though we have the bible we are so removed from the first century church that we all miss the mark on our “theosophies” and because of that we all need grace

Another thing I think I would add (if anything) to this list is when people try to tell others what they should specifically believe especially on “gray” issues like they the only ones who got the market cornered on doctrine

Very interesting. Just so happens that I’m reading The Character of God’s Workman, by Watchman Nee and this morning I’m on chapter 8 Must Not Be Subjective. Which means placing excessive emphasis on one’s own moods, attitudes, opinions, etc.; unduly egocentric. I agree the body of Christ needs to be open minded to one another in thought and ideas. If you don’t understand it or disagree with it, pray about it; go to the Lord and let him deal with you. We don’t want to reject something that He is trying to show/teach us. He is the Truth afterall.

Thx for writing this vitally important post. Because of the unhealthy way that many engage in discussion, others have opted out of vital dialogue about matters of great importance. Personally, I’m convinced that we need deeper and more engaging discussion about Christ & His body, not less. Understanding what you have written here is key to that end. Thank you!

Sadly, I think that many of the points you make are becoming a reality for our society as a whole. We think because we “say” something on line, it’s ok. Whereas, possibly if we were face to face we MIGHT think better of it.

Like I’m telling the young people in my home…the good ole’ addage from times past applies now more than ever with modern media… “If you can’t say something nice…don’t say anything at all.” This does not mean we cannot debate ideas, philosophies or points of view to come to a greater understanding…but instead, as you are encouraging, Frank, focus on the subject without attacking the person. Usually it is insecurity and arrogance rearing it’s head in personal attacks. And may I add, if someone has a real “personal” issue with someone that needs to be addressed…do it privately…not in view of all eyes.

I heartily agree with you, but let me just say that there are plenty of other ways to be a jerk online (many of which I have been guilty of)! Just a few examples are thoughtless humor (esp. when it’s at someone else’s expense), tasteless pics, and re-posting patently false information (rumors and urban legends that can easily be checked for accuracy). Any and all of those are a bad witness — and I repeat, I have been guilty of these things myself at times.

Let those who see us ascribe the name “Christian” to us. For then they may be seeing Christ in and through us. Being evident through our actions and love to others.

Acts 11:25-27

New American Standard Bible (NASB)
25 And he left for Tarsus to look for Saul; 26 and when he had found him, he brought him to Antioch. And for an entire year they met with the church and taught considerable numbers; and the disciples were first called Christians in Antioch.

Can I add a 10th? “Quote a Bible verse without any explanation or context assuming that simply by quoting scripture you will win the argument”

I am not talking about what Pete did above (he used an applicable scripture and explained how he was using it). I’m talking about people who post scripture verses without any explanation at all and assume that the reader knows what they’re trying to say.

Sometimes the verse can be taken in any of two or three ways so I can’t figure which position they’re trying to defend.

No, not just you! I think in any context (online, face to face, TV…) just quoting Bible verses as if to say ‘There, look; the Bible backs my view up’ is really unhelpful. Especially when it’s a particularly well-known Bible verse. That really baffles me; do folks who do this think that their readers / listeners are completely ignorant of the Bible, or just forgetful of well-known passages?

Pretty good advice for face-to-face (the old fashioned social network) interaction, too. These are the reasons I don’t read a lot of Christian blogs. I’ve seen a lot of this and I have better ways to spend my time. When I see someone getting slammed on a blog, I just move on as quick as I can (unless I know the person getting slammed).

1Cor 4:4,5
“My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God.”

God Bless you bruv, and well done on handling a difficult comment on “beyond Evangelical part V” the other day. You did so graciously and concisely.

Thanks for posting a very needed word to the Body of Christ. John Wimber once said, “Christians can be some of the meanest people in the world.” Unfortunately his statement was (and is) all to true. Jesus said the world would know we were His disciples by our love for one another. When we respond to one another out of spite and judgmentalism, where does that leave us?