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Tag: frustrated with self

18.4 was a doozy: Diane (21-15-9 reps of deadlifts at 155 lbs and then handstand push ups) followed by heavy deadlifts followed by handstand walks–all with a 9 minute timecap.

So I correctly predicted handstand walks would show up in the Open. I’m excited about that.

However, what I didn’t anticipate was not even getting to them. I didn’t finish the 15 handstand push-ups. With the new standards and my wrist and my lack of strength I just didn’t have it in me.

I was pissed off. I thought I was stronger than that. I breezed through the deadlifts.

One of the best things the Open does is show you your weaknesses. I now know handstand push ups is one of these for me when I thought I was pretty good at them. Something else to work on.

So why am I pissed off?

18.3 I was stuck at the ring muscles ups. For 10 minutes. 18.4 I got stuck at the handstand push ups. And I only had 9 minutes to do it in.

And I’m not your average CrossFitter.

Most CrossFitters can’t do ring muscle-ups (less than 10% of CrossFitters can). Most CrossFitters can’t do handstand walks (even a smaller percentage than 10%). So why is Dave Castro programming these in?

I get extremely frustrated when I can’t do something, and I can tell you right now this will be the last year I won’t be able to because I’m gonna bust my ass this next year to get these moves down and grow stronger.

But that doesn’t erase my frustrations right now in this moment for this year.

I want to do good. I want to be the best. I want to win.

It’s hard to do that with these workouts.

None have played to my strengths except 18.1 where I did do really well.

I’m on a rant, I know…

For me, I need to crush a workout. We all do. I need 18.5 to be one I can crush. I’m doubtful it will be…

Hence, I’m just pissed off…

I’ve spent an entire year training for one event that has left me feeling inadequate, angry, frustrated, and that I’ve wasted a whole year of my life. Hours and hours and hours…for what?

I’m frankly depressed and ready for the Open to be over, so I can get back to training.