Raising of Eyebrows Beats Rolling of Eyes

Judith Martin, United Features Syndicate

Published 4:00 am, Wednesday, March 28, 2001

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it always considered rude to roll one's eyes?

Does Miss Manners ever find occasion to roll her eyes, or occasions when she might like to? Does she believe that the rough verbal equivalent of rolling one's eyes would be "Yeah, right," and raising of the eyebrows, "Oh, really?" Is the latter behavior considered impolite also, depending on the context?

GENTLE READER: Rolling the eyes as a prelude to fainting is not considered rude. For any other reason, even showing exasperation at other people's poor manners, it is. If it weren't, poor Miss Manners would be stumbling through life with only the whites of her eyes showing.

Raising the eyebrows is a slightly more polite gesture, as it expresses disbelief rather than disapproval.

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The context is that it should be directed at someone who does not care to encounter your disapproval and will, therefore, take advantage of the possibility of retreat.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I recently came into possession of some individual bone dishes and butter dishes. They are beautiful and I want to use them.

Unfortunately, I have been unable to determine the proper placement of either in a table setting.

GENTLE READER: The crescent-shaped bone dish goes to the left of the dinner plate but is not to be confused with the crescent-shaped salad plate, which also goes to the left of the dinner plate.

The tiny round individual butter dish, which is not to be confused with the bread plate, goes above the top edge of the dinner plate, where it is not to be confused with the tiny round nut dish or the individual salt dish. Both of these also go above the top edge of the dinner plate.

Miss Manners regrets to inform you that you have reached the limit in auxiliary dishes and cannot add another.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I enter a room full of people who are busy talking to one another, I feel that I am interrupting if I try to greet the group. However, when people keep on talking, I feel they are being rude.

GENTLE READER: There is something in between shouting, "All right, everybody, I'm here! The fun can begin!" and cowering in the corner feeling like a wallflower.

It consists of threading your way through the group to find the host or chairman of the gathering, smiling and nodding to people as you pass, and spotting a congenial group to which you can attach yourself afterward.

Miss Manners assures you that this works just as well when there is no host to be found.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother and I went to the cinema with family and friends. Our mother, who does not particularly enjoy movies, decided to use the opportunity to mend a sweater in the dark.

My brother, the owner of said sweater, found this behavior appropriate and not in any way disrespectful. I, on the other hand, found this a rude gesture indicating displeasure with the entertainment choices and company of our friends.

GENTLE READER: If Miss Manners understands you correctly, your mother is a lady who quietly goes along on a family excursion she does not enjoy and engages in the ladylike activity of needlework, under the difficult condition imposed by darkness, and for the benefit of one of her children. And you wish to instruct her in propriety?