Mon Feb 05 02:00:00 EAT 2018

A salute to Uganda Police Force

By Jacobs Odongo Seaman

In Summary

Now the thugs are in disarray. They are wondering what has become of the generous Uganda Police since the Force is now even denying issuing them with guns. There is even rumour that the generous sirens that idle police officers spew on our roads to clear every other mortal for some immortal going home to pee could be withdrawn.

Under Gen Kale, the Force has generously deployed a reasonable number of its own as guards to anyone who drives a UG plated car and feels they have more generous self-importance than the rest of us and therefore cannot be held up in traffic. With this, a generous amount of taxpayers’ money goes into fuel to escort one UG plate from Kafunda A to Side Dish B’s hostel.

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Just accuse Andrew Mwenda of anything and Ugandans will pore on social media to add scorn. They won’t care how baseless the accusation is. Probably only Muhanga and her goats would shed a tear for Mwenda. And like the good Andrew, accuse Uganda Police Force of anything and everyone will agree with you.

Yes, everyone but this page. Here, we give due credit and this weekend we want to take a solemn moment to reflect on the generous institution of Uganda Police Force that is led by two Bush War generals in the shape of Gen Henry Tumukunde and Gen Kale Kayihura, who, we are told, don’t have generous eyes at each other [The police force is overseen by the minister of Internal Affairs, and not the minister of Security, Gen Tumukunde – Editor].

There was this time that Gen Tumu accused Gen Kale of donating a generous bullet to this shin. Gen Kale refuted the accusations in the strongest terms, saying his Force only used a generous number of teargas canisters to the shin that day. The two barked and barked about the difference between a teargas canister and copper lead until the media turned its generous attention to other events.

Then Tumu warned Kale to watch out on being overzealously generous with his ways. But Kale refused to buckle. Instead, he picked some lumpen highway robbers and generously pampered them with all sorts of favours the Force he led could afford. From guns to powers to grab land, the lumpen went about with wanton abandon… sorry, that was supposed to read ‘generous abandon.

For grantedSome even took the generosity for granted by calling a presser to announce how they kill people, how they help Kale’s Force rob people, and other scary allegations. Somewhere along the road, the lumpens were arrested. Those picked by military have since been crying a generous amount of innocence and tears and decrying the manner of their detention and being charged before the military court. They want the military to be a little generous with them like Kale is. But it appears Gen Tumu is running the military show and will not give a damn.

But lucky Sobi. He was only picked and caged by Gen Kale. The generous Police Force quickly released Sobi.But Gen Tumu is not amused. He says he will fight the gang with such a generous force until their godfather comes down on bended knees to walk between his legs. The shot legs. And maybe tell him from under the legs whether it was a bullet or teargas canister that grazed the shin that day.See why you must only shoot at a general if you are 100 per cent sure you the target won’t have a second chance at vengeance? Gen Kale should have known this unless he was just a ‘ball boy’ in the bush like rumours say.

Now the thugs are in disarray. They are wondering what has become of the generous Uganda Police since the Force is now even denying issuing them with guns. There is even rumour that the generous sirens that idle police officers spew on our roads to clear every other mortal for some immortal going home to pee could be withdrawn.

Under Gen Kale, the Force has generously deployed a reasonable number of its own as guards to anyone who drives a UG plated car and feels they have more generous self-importance than the rest of us and therefore cannot be held up in traffic. With this, a generous amount of taxpayers’ money goes into fuel to escort one UG plate from Kafunda A to Side Dish B’s hostel.

Meanwhile, to continue with the generosity, a senior police officer was yanked from his home by a generous force of his subordinates after he went public revealing way too much generous amount of information. He also announced his generous decision to step down from the Force and pleaded with the President to investigate the Force and count on him to testify generously.

As expected, Uganda Police Force did not take kindly to a rival generosity and announced they would continue paying that DPC Kirumira fellow his salaries, meaning his resignation was just mavi ya kuku.

Disciplinary committeeBy the time of writing this, Afande Kirumira was expected before a disciplinary committee hearing where he was possibly going to be served with some generous sanctions and jailed until Gen Tumu’s generosity overwhelms that of Gen Kale.

With all the drama and great policing mockery our police force are doing, why not give one stiff salute to them?

My salute is so stiff and assured that even the chap Mukwana from Mbale who once crept to steal one beside Museveni during a national anthem will be weeping with envy. Kudos Uganda Police.