Thursday Funnies

I call BS

How about the fact Miscavige is panicked to get everyone out of downtown because the Aftermath Get Together is scheduled to get rolling at 5pm… Ruth Eckerd is well away from the downtown area.

The Hype is Strong

This event really has them creaming their jeans.

It’s funny how something that was announced with great fanfare (SuMP) then opened with greater fanfare, including how “we are now disseminating to the billions” is being used to AGAIN make a “big announcement.” He’s getting his money’s worth out of this investment in terms of “playing to his base”…

Our Hype: Unbelievable

We’ve planned to “fit 10,000”

It’s SO important you couldn’t manage to do it in an event venue. Instead you’re doing it on the street? Staples Center or the LA Sports Arena not available?

We’ll open Ron’s gift together and reveal it to the world…

Sounds ominous

Witness the future?

OK, these guys have taken that a step further…

They’re witnessing the future NOW.

The event has not even happened and they have “testimonials” — “I cried 3 times”.

The ultimate in hype.

Amazing cause over MEST

Orlando is popping with the true demonstration of OTiness.

I like his genuine-ness

But boy does he buy the bs. A new building isn’t going to change a thing. If he ACTUALLY looked at the stats from the other ideal orgs he would figure it out. John, pop down to London and see how they’re ACTUALLY doing…

Reverse the whole decay…

…yeah, but how do you plan to do that when you don’t have ideal places?

The “Aussie battlers”

Not really a “freedom fighter” dinner, more like a fundraiser.

WTF?

Absolutely bonkers.

But, if they’re going to play this, I think they missed some: Crazy by Gnarls Barkley, You Never Give Me Your Money The Beatles, Sucker for Pain Lil Wayne.

I’m sure there are plenty of others.

A Fireside Chat?

Really? Is Jeanie going to be in a wheelchair with a blanket?

Well, if you say so.

But then again, you have t-shirts that say scientology is the coolest religion.

Make sense out of this…

…and you will truly be OT.

It’s contrary to SO many other things he said. What a choice for “Quote of the week.”

Ok, I read a comment and this question to ask those still in popped into my mind.
“Where does all the IAS money go that is not distributed to the social betterment programs? And What percent of the money actually goes those programs get every year.
Donors have a right to know the answer to those questions?”
Why aren’t members asking those questions?

Even hinting at the possibility that this question or thought may have flitted through one’s head for a millisecond will get you declared in a nanosecond. It is considered an “enemy line” to question the motives or actions of ANY Snr management – ESPECIALLY on Finance lines. I had this screamed at me with a tsunami of spittle engulfing my face – such was the wrath encountered when I raised this exact point (where is the accounting for OUR donations?)

The Manchester Ideal Org musicfest featuring local band New Order boggles my mind. Seeing grey-haired out-of-shape scientologists grooving awkwardly to 1980’s techno-pop club music would be hilarious.

I’d recommend the album Power, Corruption and Lies which opens with the lyrics “Thought that never changes, remains a stupid lie” and has the largely instrumental “Ecstasy” which whispers just four words “You…. Were…..So……Blind”

The album came out in 1983 the year after Hubbard dropped his rotting drug laden adipose body and as Corrupt Davie Boy was ordering his first hand made elevator shoes so he could stand tall, Lie and take over Power

I bet New Order doesn’t know they are a partner in this madness but I’m sure the most ethical beings on earth will pay them a small percentage of the take. Yeh sure!

Oh David! In Australia we have a couple of sayings; Small Man, Big Dog. Small Man, Big Gun. For you, Small Man, Big Mouth. That’s all you have! Just after the Alien?, The Messiah? died, there was was a tiny article in a Victorian newspaper stating that LRH left in his Will and Testament that he “Did it for the money”. Don’t know anything about Freedom of Information or public access to such documents in the US. All Wills and Testaments here are lodged with our government and can be accessed by the public or legal people , for a fee of course. The extremely Boring One is on the run.

I believe that Louis’s cult garners just a slight more notice in the real world than scn, since the NOI actually has countable members and their leader(s) can be seen/heard in the media, from time to time. Also, since it’s a cult of (supposed) ISLAM ,any dissident group using that religion as its justification is automatically to be paid attention to, particularly when they’re doing illogical things. GREAT group to align your fortunes (so to speak) with, Davey boy!

Soon. you’ll be presiding over the demise of TWO high-control groups masquerading as religions. Maybe they’ll start going on hadj to that ridiculous ship you built and sank in the desert to honor you and your life of quiet dissipation

Totally off topic (but still scientology). I don’t waste time thinking about the things I’d do if I won the lottery or were otherwise filthy rich – with one exception. I think about the things I could do to help bring down the CoS. Whale-level support for the new Aftermath Foundation, of course. Then: billboards, in LA and Clearwater and maybe East Grimstead, in a location that would force $cions to look at it or cover their eyes. But what I’d spend millions on if I had them to spend: seeing that all the “anti” books, vids and TV series would reach every corner of the globe, with translations and subtitles in mandarin, Russian, Japanese, Hindi, etc. etc. I have no way of knowing, but I doubt that most of the “classics” (Russell, Attak, Ortega, Shelton, Remini & Rinder) are getting out very far beyond the Anglosphere. I’m guessing that people in Taiwan, let’s say, know next to nothing about the true nature of scientology with all its attendant horrors. They need to be informed.

bix, don’t ever doubt the abilities of other countries populations to be extremely informed. I would argue that the best source for “rubes” for scientology would be in the good ‘ole U.S. of A. Many Americans can’t find Taiwan, or any other country on a map.

American hubris should be avoided by all good Americans.

Otherwise, great comments about trumpeting the evils of scientology across all media to help those still in and warn those still out.

Spare me the PC cant, wayc. No, I don’t doubt that other populations have the abilities to be informed. That seems to be your take on my comment. My concern is whether these populations have access to publications and visual media that are critical of the church. Do you know for a fact that “The Aftermath” series is available for viewing in Taiwan? That Russell Miller’s “Barefaced Messiah” has been translated into Russian? Tha Jon Atack’s book has been translated into tagalog? That Tony Orteg’s book can be had in Arabic? I’d be pleasantly surprised to know that all of the above have been translated or broadcast, and that therefore I could spend my imaginary millions elsewhere.

Apologies, WAYC; My comment was a bit over the top, and at the moment I’m too lazy to explain why I made it. Thanks for the info you provided in your post. Yes, we’re on the same team. All the best to you.

^^^^ ANother upvote for using any ill-got lottery winnings on getting the “aftermath” stories most broadly disseminated. Following that, I’d want to go on a celebratory bender — for as long as this old liver holds out. I can’t believe that solely because I was “in” at the time, my 21st birthday and most ofthe rest of my 20s were alcohol-free as I was always on course or co-auditing. I Largely made up for that in my 30s after I joined Mensa, a group who knows how to PARTY! Intelligently, of course. Life really improved after I left Scientology and its strictures behind.

Bix*, I know that I’ve seen that Going Clear or Aftermath have been broadcast in Taiwan, for instance. But yes, you’ve put your finger on a real need, there is a lack of critical material in foreign languages, and it is a problem. For instance, I’ve seen Russian exes or critics complaining that not enough has been translated into their idiom, to help them get out the truth about Scientology, and to warn people off. It means that online searches for the term Scientology in local languages, are more likely to lead to Scientology’s propaganda pages (hence their efforts to put out material in lots of different languages) and turn up few if any good critical sources. This is partly why Scientology has gained a foothold in some of those non-English speaking countries – and occasionally gets a toe hold in some other area.

I’m expecting that the SuMP announcement is going to include something like a website with a streaming video “channel” to reach the “billions,” and anticipate that we will then see Scientology trying to make a big deal out of a small number of cases of people in out-of-the-way places who somehow run across that site on their smartphone or whatever, and start doing some courses online (since the nearest one of the orgs and missions left, could literally be a thousand miles away). I doubt it’s actually going to lead to Scientology getting a foothold anywhere new, though one never knows – they will surely claim new “groups” if they have a couple co-auditing in Outer Bulgravia, however.

* Can I call you that – or BnT, or just BT for short 🙂 And yes, I know the origins of your moniker…

p.s. Mike R. – For the Aftermath Foundation website, I would suggest developing a sort of boilerplate page with summary information (embedded with lots of key search terms, for SEO) including the basics about getting help with issues like confiscated passports (a lot of people apparently don’t realize that an embassy or consulate will assist them, and that Scientology is the party in trouble with law enforcement in that situation), and a note at the bottom that the Foundation will try to connect anyone in any language with someone who can help them – and then have at least that single page translated into as many languages as possible, perhaps even using Google Translate to do a rough job of every one available. That might reach concerned family members abroad, as much as foreign workers who Scientology has brought in.

Also, Daphna Hernandez, new OTVIII, you are going to teach a drill on how to talk to anyone about scientology?

Really? You actually think you can teach this drill?

Maybe you should get Miscavige and his brothel of ridiculous celebrities to come to that seminar, because they sure are laying low about scientology over the last few years. I have not seen any “dauntless and defiant” scientologists recently, as the whole paranoid bunch seem to be hiding behind that attorney Yingling.

All I can say is I am really looking forward to seeing the reports after the events! How long will DM’s Sherman Speech last? How many times will he say “X times expansion” because he can’t use real numbers? Will Orlando’s files get done in toke? Are those “mixed” files code for all the files that don’t get done? Will Shelly make an appearance? All of this and more on next week’s Scientology Soap!

“The most significant global dissemination achievement in scientolgy ever?” With a tag line like this you would expect that they have an actual dissemination event lined up, i.e. an event where they bring their message to a bunch of wogs and potentially win them over as paying public or even shanghai them into the fake navy.

Instead “the most significant global dissemination achievement in scientolgy ever” is actually “preaching to the choir?” For that matter, a choir that has shrunk to the point where even a fairly small event hall is no longer needed.

That, or one might expect a tangible “global dissemination achievement” to have been accomplished, such as having had “raw meat” come into the orgs in significantly increased numbers.

That’s a good catch, and an example of how Scientology redefines and misleadingly uses words, often trying to create the impression that they have achieved something when all they actually have are hopes or plans.

This calls to mind Alan Watts, a contemporary of Hubbard but an actual serious student of Buddhism who even commands a certain respect among philosophers and religious scholars, who famously said “the menu is not the meal.” Scientology is serving up the menu – and getting members to consume it.

That’s about right. In their promo piece attempting to tout response to the Super Bowl ad, they only identified one person who signed up for an actual paid service, who also bought a book: total revenue about $70.

Jeeeze …… now why the fuck didn’t I think of that sooner? What a great idea!

Yo Dave,
Do I need a franchise to get started? If I Eff Ess Em for the Eye A Ess that means I don’t even have to deliver a product and get to keep 10% of what ever I can fleece out of the people wanting to go free?

Please, please, pIease, let me be in the room when the Gallagher brothers see their song “Wonderwall” is being used by Scientology “weirdos,” as Liam so eloquently labeled them a few years ago. There aren’t enough expletives in the world to cover that conversation.

That little richard cranium just can’t help himself can he. Hopefully one of these days when he turns on his computer there will be a nice message from the Feds that says GAME OVER, proceed to the lobby and face the wall.

Wow, it’s very interesting to see all these promo pieces for the “birthday” event. It looks like they’re really doubling down on promoting whatever it is that they’re going to unveil with expectation-building hyperbole, such as “the most significant global dissemination achievement in Scientology…EVER!”

From comments we’ve seen, members seem to have really been lead to expect that whatever SuMP is about to roll out, is going to solve their problems with talking to and selling people on Scientology, and presumably also fix their reputational problems in the world. Unless somehow they really surprise us, it seems to me that members are in for a letdown when they see how things actually pan out, and it even has the potential for leading to a major debacle. The time may be ripe for the Aftermath Foundation to help people realizing the emperor has no clothes – the only “flood” may be into the AF.

I can’t figure out whether the goal of attendance of 10,000 in the LA area – when they can’t even fill the Shrine anymore, given that they probably only have about 4,000 active members and staff (including SO) left in the region – is just typical “postulating,” or whether they are really expecting that their new initiative is going to rekindle the interest of thousands of formerly active members who have dropped away over the years, on top of reaching out to “billions” around the world. Hopefully we’ll get detailed reports, if they are making an effort to call lots of long-inactive people.

And poor little Orlando org struggles on, only about halfway through their CF project with 10 days left to go before their goal. They must have managed to build up a lot of files in all their years in that dingy strip mall; their ratio of active members (from their minimal level of activity, I’d estimate 2 or 3 dozen) to accumulated contacts must be bizarrely out of proportion. When Scientology claims tens of thousands of “members” in an area like that, they must be citing the CF file count, full of the OCAs of people who stopped by a table they had out somewhere. Mustn’t it be demoralizing for members to go through those vast files of superficial, dead-end contacts – or is that part of why it is so hard to get these projects done?

I have a soft spot for Fearless. Don’t ask me why. He strikes me as a non-phoney who does the best he can with UnHAPI org, that little rag tag group. I suspect he knows he’s fighting a losing battle. He thinks he needs an Ideal Org. What he really needs is a good dentist. And a hug. But anyway, I have a soft spot for Fearless.

I’ve got a nice soft spot for fearless. It’s a peat bog on Skye!!! That prat with his bum-bee kiddy on tartan annoys the hell out of me. We Scots like our religion to be, with a degree in guilt(Roman Catholic), fire and brimstone (church of Scotland ) or hellfire and brimstone (free Presbyterian or as we call them wee frees. Our very own home grown religious nuts).

Could the Detroit Ideal Org promo be a less-than-subtle tribute to the “Fifth Invader Force?” Hubbard provides us with this description: “. . .a thetan from the fifth invader force believes himself to be a very strange insect-like creature with unthinkably horrible hands.” And it would only follow that unthinkably horrible hands would produce unthinkably horrible promo.

I know this doesn’t directly relate to the Thursday funnies, except that it IS funny. Did anyone catch Samantha Bee last night? She compared Scientology to the NRA. She was trying to get members of the NRA to transfer to the ‘church’. She figures if someone does that, at least they are only killing themselves! I’d say she knows a little (but not a lot) about the ‘church’.

Surfer Dude: I’ve never been a scientologist. But I work with some. They make up more crazy shit than I have ever seen in my life. The “ness” thing can be fun. Like crazy-state-of-fucking-bullshit-ness, I even email this crap out to staff and I still haven’t been fired. But I’m trying. Been drinking a bit tonight; hope I make sense.

Anna Paddock in charge of food LOL
Hapi flyer is copyright 2014?
Alfraudie lol
I thought the Aftermath meetup is the 10th, the Saturday prior to the Birthday bash on the 17th.
I’m confused but no where near as confused as I was 10 years ago when I moved into my van and drove out of Hollywood after 30 years of LRHs confusion technics.

You know, I REALLY wanted to go to the event but I go to Vegas every St. Patrick’s Day. I’ve been going every year for 19 years.
I mean, I know it’s out ethics to double down on Aces or press my odds on my 6 and 8 when I should donate that money to the IAS. Should I parlay my NCAA tournament bets or give my money to a new Idle Morgue? Tough choice.
I quit drinking 8 years ago do to cirrhosis of the liver at age 34 but Vegas can still be just as fun. I have 15 dear friends that come from all over And we enjoy a good time. And hey…weed is legal there now!
Hip hip hooray!

I take offense that Scientologists call society degraded. Elitest bastards.
The society I live in is the right ‘order of magnitude’. No, we do not need a new civilization. This one works fine.
I don’t see Scientology wading into the debate on mental health related to gun violence or school shootings, so they don’t even serve a purpose for present time. Completely irrelevant.

Scientology rails against psychiatry but is silent on the issue of guns being allowed into the hands of the mentally ill. The Christian Right fights for the rights of the unborn, but once they’ve managed to grow enough to be in school, well, if one day for no particular reason they get mowed down by a deranged lunatic with an assault rifle, well, them’s the breaks, you know? Take your lumps, kids. At least you got born.

Assault rifles are illegal, have been for a very long time. They are fully automatic. The “look alikes” are NOT fully automatic and never have been. It’s the “look alikes” which are taking the anti gun beating.

That’s because Scientology claims to have the answer; get everybody into an org and have them hand over massive amounts of money to go up the Bridge to Clear and OT. Then you’ll have a sane world and there won’t be any school shootings. Work with the mental health profession? Scientology? Now, there’s a laugh!

Dianetics: the modern science of Mental Health. Each church claims to be creating islands of Sanity. The IAS claims to be pushing forward humanitarian goals. Each Class V Org. has an Academy involved in learning study technology. They are so deeply associated with Mental Health and Education, they should be literally ringing Betsy DeVos to become part of the solution, yet Complete Silence.

True, but you must remember that Scientology considers things like the Mental Health Association to be the equivalent of Satan himself. Anything connected with psychiatrists is to be shunned at all costs. Learn this Scientology maxim:
PSYCHIATRY IS EVIL
and you will see why they won’t be ringing Betsy DeVos. In their eyes, she’s an SP.

In 1950 and in 1966, Ron had some relevancy and a number of folks partook of his viewpoints. But that is the past, in truth a past nearly half a century ago. Ron locked his followers into the past and has barred them from ‘coming up to present time’. It’s as though they drive a 1966 Corvair, play their 8 inch reel tape player, use only Fortran computer language on their PDP-10 mainframe, and think freeze dried food is super cool.
(Oops, I just dated myself! )

People in Scientology are stuck in that past, and try to enforce the ideas from that era into 2018. So sad at so many levels.

……or the homeless problem. Scientology services are beyond the reach of more people as the divide grows ever larger. I do have one suggestion though. Given enough Way to happiness booklets they could be duct taped together to provide at least some shelter from the elements.

To: Aquamarine
From: David Miscavige COB RTC
Re: having the right idea

Except for the toilet paper, you are spot on! I am the only capable and intelligent being in all of Scientology which is why I am Supreme Exalted Ruler of the MEST Universe and why I am the only one who does any work! I like your idea of my statue replacing fatso’s in all orgs! I want you to design my statue which will be placed in all Ideal Orgs! I feel that a toga and laurel leaves would be most appropriate.

I am beyond being honored by Your acknowledgement, as, well do I understand that The Only One Who Can Do Something About It 1) has a Tremendous Responsibility, 2) has Born It Too Long Alone, and 3) that We Must Share It With You Now.

Understood also on the statuary instructions, Sir, and be assured that we are right on that! Our choice would be of You standing on Your little apple box with Your hands placed in that particularly distinguished way but of course the pose will be Your choice.

Last but not least, we at Mike’s INSIST on donating Ideal Toilet Paper to ALL of your Ideal Orgs.

Just think, Sir: with Your handsome visage adorning each sheet of the softest, most highest grade product, Scientologists will have the experience of closeness with their beloved and most admired COB even during their most intimate and private of ablutions!

Or, put another way, with Ideal Toilet Paper in every Ideal Org (and mandatory for OT7s) no Scientologist In Good Standing will even be wiping their ass without thinking about You!

A Foundation is being set up for this purpose. The time is now!

It really is our pleasure, Sir!

Much love,
Aquamarine

PS: This was intended as a surprise but a Pilot Program is in the works for Ideal Condoms. Yes! Correct, Sir! YOUR picture on every condom. Sold ONLY at the orgs for use by parishioners and MANDATORY for those on 7. We believe that, even when, and possibly, especially when, Scientologist are having sexual intercourse, they must still keep in mind Who it is that is REALLY doing the screwing! More on this later, Sir.

Important Quotes

If the org slumps during this transition period, don't engage in "fund raising"
or "selling postcards" or borrowing money. Just make more income with Scientology.
L Ron Hubbard From HCOPL URGENT ORG PROGRAMMING

"We own a tremendous amount of property. We own a tremendous amount of material and so forth, and it keeps growing.
But that’s not important. When buildings get important to us, for God sakes, some of you born revolutionists will you please blow up central headquarters".
L Ron Hubbard Lecture 31 Dec 1960

"Personal integrity is knowing what you know. What you know is what you know and to have the courage to know and say what you have observed".- LRH from Personal Integrity

"It is necessary to happiness of man, that he be mentally faithful to himself. Infidelity does not consist in believing, or in disbelieving; it consists of professing to believe what he does not believe." Thomas Paine

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” - Martin Luther King

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” - Martin Luther King

“There comes a time when silence is betrayal.” - Martin Luther King Jr.

“Communication is the universal solvent” - L Ron Hubbard

“When men yield up the privilege of thinking, the last shadow of liberty quits the horizon.” Thomas Paine

"Never be afraid to raise your voice for honesty and truth and compassion against injustice and lying and greed. If people all over the world would do this, it would change the earth." William Faulkner

"The ultimate authority must always rest with the individual's own reason and critical analysis." Dalai Lama