I just had my golden birthday and I guess it made me start really contemplating my life. My goal for the next 365 days is to make a difference, in my own life and most importantly in the lives of those around me. To live a life of intention...and laughter!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Challenge...

Wow, it's been awhile! I have been REALLY busy these last two monthes or so. I am now working two jobs!! ME??? WORKING TWO JOBS??? How am I supposed to get my 8 hours of sleep that I have ALWAYS gotten? Well, let me tell you that it is not happening. My weekends are spent playing catch up. It is nice though. I have been able to pay off a good chunk of debt and with the exception of my car should be pretty much debt free by Dec. That feels nice! I just have to keep plugging away. I do feel bad though, as I am not able to get on here and read your blogs very often. I miss that! So, a few weeks ago at church, my pastor was talking about our faith and how it has gotten too comfortable. He said something that hit me like a ton of bricks. He said something to the effect of if the "glory days" of your faith were 10 years ago, 5 years ago....this is wrong. THAT IS SO ME! All of the times I think about when my faith was so strong and I felt so close to God, those days were back in highschool. Those days were when I was fully focused on Him and He encompassed every part of my life. I have been slowly trying to get back to that but I think it is not happening to the degree that it needs to. I am going to be completely vulnerable right now with you. I am feeling sad about turning 27. My life is NOWHERE near where I thought it would be at this point. I know that has been a theme to this blog since the day it started and I can't be too hard on myself because I have been working towards the goals I have but it is taking too long. Sometimes I think it is important to evaluate why things aren't happening. I have never been one of those people to say "woah is me...my life sucks and I am just going to mope about it!". The problem is, I feel a little stuck. I feel trapped by my age and all that it entails. I know, 27 is not that old. But it is for where I am at. I am single, working in a job I really do enjoy but am not proud to do. I do have plans to pursue school as soon as I get my debt paid off. That is REALLY soon. I know what I want to be when I grow up :) but there are still so many areas of uncertainty. I have told myself my whole life that He is in control and He is working. I do believe this but I also believe that I have a responsibility to go and move. To listen and to focus. I feel like when things aren't happening in life, that is the case for a reason and you may need to reevaluate some of the decisions that you are making. This being said, I came across a book I think it going to change my life. I am only a third of the way into it (no time to read) and already have been challenged immensly. I do believe that my dreams of a cookie cutter life have overshadowed the plans that He has for me. I think so many times in life we lose focus on who Jesus is and how He really calls us to live. I see how the "American Dream" has affected how I live out my faith. I am so exhausted from pursuing that life. I am excited to start doing things a bit differently. I strongly recommend this book to anyone who is feeling a little distant in their faith. It is an easy read and think there are some very practical ideas as well as some very challenging ones that can come about. I will try to keep you posted on how it is affecting me. Can't wait to see what's next!

4 comments:

Thanks for the recommendation, Abs. (And I will save the lecture about how you should be PROUD of what you do & how important it is even if it's not what you want to do forever). Oh, wait. I slipped out ;) I think a lot of our generation feels that way. I don't want to be a nurse forever. I'm coming to realize more & more that life is really comes in stages.

Con- Thanks for not giving my the lecture :) I totally get where you are coming from, I am not just struggling with the path of my life as far as jobs go. There are quite a few areas that look different than I had hoped for/thought. I am learning and just making sure that my thoughts/hopes are aligned with His! Just glad to have friends to encourage me/challenge me along the way! Give Sammy a big kiss from me!!!

Abs....even those of us that got married, had kids, has a job....etc... don't feel like we are where we should be. But instead of wondering why I don't have those things - I wonder why I am failing at those things. Don't let the status quo fool you - we aren't any happier or more fulfilled. The true test for all mankind is figuring out how to serve God to the best of your ability in the exact stage or situation you are in. Often if I would just pursue HIM instead of what I think I should be doing I would be at so much a better place. Anyway, all this to say enjoy where you are, cherish the quiet weekends, and embrase where God is leading you. It is far less stressful than trying to fullfil what YOU think you should be doing. I'm so proud of you - and I am also excited to see what is next in store for you!