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Hi there, im obviously new to this forum and this is my first post, im so scared of what the future holds for me now. however ive only found out im hiv positive today, ive got so many questions and honestly cant think but since finding out today 21-07-2010 at 5pm confirmed time when they had results back from 2nd test.im not gay not am i a junkie who uses needles. i have had unprotected sex with my current partner for about 4 - 5 months however recently been through a split with my ex for over 1 year and have 2 adorable boys aged 4 and 2.5 years. who to my knowledge are negative. i dont know where ive contracted this from as i have always been faithful, however when me and my ex split over a year ago i questioned her as i suspected she cheated on me as i contracted gentital warts went to the gum clinic and got treated they went away excellent however now i met my current partner 4-5 months ago about 2 months into the relationship i got warts again only 1 this time so made an appointment with the gum clinic eventually got seen on monday where they zapped them and said just as a precaution we will test you for hiv etc etc got call today saying they needed another sample of blood as one went missing. went and gave them a sample at lunch time to be told i could have hiv. then just off the phone at 5pm i get told its 100% confirmed.

ive told my partner and my mum but im scared to mention to anyone else but i know im going to have to speak to the ex and dependent on my current partners results this friday we may even need to speak to her ex.

ive just been through a lengthy court case for access to my little boys which i won however now with this im so scared she will stop me seeing my children cos i have hiv.

how long am i going to live? can i kiss my partner she says she will stick with me but im so scared incase she doesnt have it and i end up giving her it or even her kids it. im scared what other people will now treat me like cos im not gay nor a junkie im still puzzled how i got this please if anybody can give me advice i look for your support eagerly

Wull - head's up. Point number 1 - Most of the people in the world with HIV are straight and don't inject drugs. You need to get this sorted in your head right now.

I'm sorry you have just found out and wish you weren't here but you're in a good place to help yourself and your family to learn about the disease. This is point number 2 - you have a manageable condition. You will not die from HIV tomorrow.

Spend some time on this site, particularly the newly diagnosed section. The most important thing is for your partner to be tested ASAP which has been arranged. You could have been infected for years and years, just like many people who find out, this can be a shock.

You will get sage advice and support from the many experienced people in these forums.

Finally, you can and should give your partner as many kisses as you and she need with no fear.

First thing to do is take a deep breath, this is not the end of the world. You will live a long life with the medications available today.

The first action is to find an experienced hiv doctor to start the process. Your doctor should be able to refer you. Your hiv doctor will give you the necessary tests to determine your viral load, cd4 count and appropriate medications to take( if necessary at this time). These terms are probably new to you, however, this brings you to your next action.Next, you should start to learn everything you can about our disease. Aidsmeds is a wonderful site to start. Start from the home page and peruse the site. It seems daunting but you'll get the hang of it in time. You also have a built in support group here that will answer the many questions you will have.Don't freak ! (I know easier said then done) Everyone on this forum has been in your position. Some for more than 20yrs. I've been poz for 19yrs.Your diagnosis is not a death sentence! There are people on this forum from every walk of life:gay, straight , and many countries. We have all ,for the most part, learned to live with hiv. YOU WILL TOO!

got call today saying they needed another sample of blood as one went missing. went and gave them a sample at lunch time to be told i could have hiv. then just off the phone at 5pm i get told its 100% confirmed.

Sounds to me like you need to get a Western Blot confirmation of your status. I cannot see how they would get blood from you today and be "100% sure" in just a couple of hours.

Still, assuming that you do get a WB final confirmation of your status, I'd like to touch on a couple of items from your intro:

- It is evident that you don't know much about HIV; you should read our lessons so that you educate yourself on HIV and get started on this new journey.

- As mentioned by veritas, find yourself a good HIV doctor so that you address steps to follow (tests, future options for meds, questions that you may have, etc).

- You will be able to live a virtually "normal" life. This is not a death sentence and today's meds make everything a lot easier to deal with. Recent studies indicate that we will live just as long as anyone who is HIV-neg as long as we keep the virus under check and take care of our bodies. And do not stress yet about meds and side effects; it may be a while before you even need to consider them.

- Of course you can "kiss" your partner; this is not how HIV is contracted. You will need to get her tested and (hopefully she will come back negative) you will need to use protection for any future sexual intercourse. Her kids and yours are in no danger of contracting this from you (and this should not be in any way a reason for your ex-wife to try to stop you from seeing your children).

- You need to stop using sentences such as "I'm not gay and I'm not a junkie." I can uderstand that you are upset and scared at the moment, but this line of thinking perpetuates the stigma that some people in the world attach to HIV. You do not need to justify yourself, your status, or any actions that led to contracting this virus to us or anyone else in the world, no matter how it may have happened.

Again, welcome to the AIDSmeds forums. Best of luck and health to you.

Da Rev.

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"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

I am sorry to hear of your diagnosis, but I am glad you have found these forums for they are a great place for support and information. As noted by veritas and Rev. Moon, educating yourself now is paramount for both health and peace of mind. Welcome to the forums.

Your ex cannot deny you access to your children because of hiv. The only way you would infect your children or your partner's children is if you have unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse with them - and that's not going to happen, is it. Hiv is absolutely not transmitted in ordinary household situations. You can even share cutlery with them and drink out of the same cups etc.

Of course you can kiss your partner. Not only is saliva not infectious, but it also contains over a dozen different proteins and enzymes that damage hiv and render it unable to infect. All you need to do to protect her status - if she's hiv negative, which is totally possible - is to use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse. It's really that simple.

You wonder how you got this virus and you probably got it the way most of us did - through unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse with someone who is hiv positive. You don't have to be gay, promiscuous or a injecting drug user. You simply have to be human.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

welcome. everything that you've been told thus far holds much truth. this is especially true of the rev's advice regarding your lab testing which sounds like it needs further address. was the testing done elisa, or rapid test? if so, that alone is not a confirmation of hiv infection. meanwhile, read, read, read credible and current info (there's a lot of outdated crap on the net), try to relax and move onto the next step of confirming your hiv status. best of luck.

Wull, I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis and other life-drama with your ex.

The most important things are that:a) Treatment has never been better..b) average life expectancy with treatment is about 40 yearsc) You have a loving family in your kids, mom, and partner.

None of these things have to change. None of them. The fact that you have a loving family is all the more reason for you to be more involved with your kids. Judges look at what is best for the kids and a loving family vs. a caniving ex is really not a hard one.

HIV has a habit of making you appreciate your days and I suspect that you will become acutely aware of how important each day and opportunity are to tell your family you love them.

I would encourage you to view HIV the same way you might view diabetes. It's serious, but very manageable.

Welcome to the forums. Many of us have experiences that we can share with you when the time is right and you ask. Like you, we've faced the uncertainty of a new diagnosis, the fear of our world changing, and in most cases we have overcome these issues. Don't hesitate to ask, or neglect to learn from our experiences.

I can't remember the sources... but the quotes are:

"Insanity is repeating the same thing and expecting different results."

"Ignoring the lessons of history (experience) dooms you to repeat it's failures (mistakes)"

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Don't obsess over the wrong things. Life isn't about your numbers, it isn't about this forum, it isn't about someone's opinion. It's about getting out there and enjoying it. I am a person with HIV - not the other way around.

Day2:and i must say read a bit last night but with still only finding out im still so scared of what the future will hold now. ive managed to tell my mum my girlfriend who is totally nervous incase she has this. ive already told her if she is neg she can walk away for good, as its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, but she says regardless of her test she wants to stay with me for the long term. which is great and supportive however im scared i give this to her. ive got the kids today and i feel great they are eventually going to stay tonight for the first time in 5 months after a nasty court case however i get told this yesterday i keep breaking down in tears im so so scared. i realise or read people do live for a long life etc etc but i cant help think when people know they will judge me and think im something im not. i keep racking my head where i got this from and i cant seem to think. i got an emergency operation in 1991 and had a blood transfusion, which to my knowledge was screened about then but this doctor yesterday was asking questions like have i been unwell for long periods which i said due to my spleen being removed im on penecillon for the rest of my life, but i usually get not well regular with sore throats colds and things but i get the flu jag each year and the numo vax every three year. ive got tattoos so could it be from then oh was it when the ex cheated on me and i ended up getting warts which started all this a year ago . just feel like i get over one thing then another hits me. oh please help me

wull, don't stress it. It's not like you can take HIV back to the store and return it. It's yours... like a tattoo. The warts are a good place to look. Your numbers will suggest how long you have had it. Again the how and where don't matter because you can't do anything with them.

HIV is similar to diabetes in that you can treat it, but not cure it. Nobody can tell you have it by looking at you. I personally enjoy smashing their expectations when someone goes off about "poz fags." I let them go for a while before pointing out that I'm both gay and poz.

Anyhow, stranger things inspire people to committ. So you have a great girlfriend and a great attitude about love. These will serve you well.

I would suggest going on a picnic. I don't know where you live, but go do something with the gf and the kids, and then get your mum to babysit the kids so you and the gf can go on a "date" to a movie and dinner. Your mum probably enjoys spoiling the kids anyway and it gives you and the gf "together" time to live and love.

HIV is like a bad dog. It will be there when you get back from the picnic, date, or whatever. In some ways it will be right there with you, but don't let it run or ruin your life. Just simply deal with it and keep it in it's place.

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Don't obsess over the wrong things. Life isn't about your numbers, it isn't about this forum, it isn't about someone's opinion. It's about getting out there and enjoying it. I am a person with HIV - not the other way around.

Hi wull welcome, when you read what i have to say i hope you calm down abit . Im also married with a young daughter and i found out i was hiv pos in december 2008 . I like you new nothing about hiv and was terrified thinking i would die that week and never see my kids grow up etc , worried about telling people , how i caught it and when etc just a wreck . Well thats a normal response for lots of people but in time you wont even think about the hiv ,and life returns to normal . so try and calm down and just take one step at a time. With modern medication we live a practically normal life span .I found this website read alot of the info on here asked alot of questions and got great help and support .I told only my wife and brother and have no need to tell anyone else , my wife was tested and was negative , i had strayed out of the marraige with another woman. She has stayed with me and my life is the same as before except i get a blood test every 4 months and then see the doc a couple of weeks later to check my tests were ok. i started medication in december 2009 (atripla) its one pill a day at bed time this practically rids your body of the hiv to the extent you cannot detect it in a normal blood test and protects your immune system from the hiv.Modern meds are great and constantly improving with generally speaking very few and minor side effects (i was just a bit dizzy first few days).Many people go 10 years or more without needing any meds it depends how long you have been infected some people decide to start treatment earlier.Feel free to send me a personal message if you want i will only to willing to answer any of your doubts or questions , regards tommy.

i cant help think when people know they will judge me and think im something im not.

People don't need to know you are poz (unless you choose to tell everyone and their momma, which will serve you no purpose). The only ones who need to know are your loved ones so that you have the right amount of support --which you definitely need at the moment.

Now, I am not saying that you need to live in the HIV closet; all that I am saying is that you don't need to call channel 7 news to let them know about your diagnosis. You tell whomever you feel like telling. It's not like people go around telling others about their diabetes, high blood pressure, acid reflux, etc. etc... This is no more than a condition. It is a matter of biology; not a moral issue for anyone to judge (unless you choose to make it so --it starts with YOU).

Again, you will be fine.

« Last Edit: July 22, 2010, 11:05:30 AM by Rev. Moon »

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"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Where in the world are you? You'll be ok...and there's light beyond this dark time. I'm female and straight - minority or not we're all human and we all go through the same emotions when this happens to us. Keep talking. It's gonna be a tough few months for you until you find out everyone elses results and talk to them etc but keep strong and be brave.

Yes they are and my comment is a fact or do you suggest otherwise? I don't recall making any mention of the US in my post so really your response isn't relevant to my point. You can post all the pretty charts you like narrowing down the statistics as much as you like but it remains a fact that most of the people in the world with HIV are straight and don't inject drugs.

I'm sorry that you have tested poz, but happy that you found us. My advice to you is to just breath, nice and slow and then do it again. You have all the time in the world right now, so just let the emotions flow, because that will start the process of you adjusting to your new status. I have been poz for 26 years and the key to living with HIV is to accept that there are things you have no control over and worrying about those things, is a waste of your time. Right now, you need to take care of you, your partner and your kids. I'm a parent and believe me that your children cannot contract HIV by being around you, never. I encourage you to take it slow, be good to yourself and start to learn about the disease at your own pace.

Granted you have plenty of time, but in a month or so, you need to find an HIV specialist, who can run tests to determine the state of your health and make any recommendations. The meds today are great. but don't start worrying about them, until you have tests confirming that you need them. What matters now is to keep your stress down, eat right, exercise, get plenty of rest and most important: give yourself a break. Really. How you contracted HIV, is your business and yours alone. I urge you to consider just accepting that you are poz and moving on from that, because trying to identify how or when you got infected, really serves no good purpose. Does it really matter how you got, as opposed to you just tested poz, and where do you think you should spend your energy, lamenting a history you cannot change, or charting a new course, now that you are poz?

Seek support wherever you can find it and don't tell anyone, especially an employer, until you understand the ramifications of disclosure of your status. HIV Stigma is alive and well, but you can protect yourself, by only sharing it with people that you know and trust. For now, take a deep breath, then another and realize that HIV will not kill you tomorrow and you have time to allow yourself to adjust. Give yourself permission to feel, grieve or whatever you need to do, because for right now, all the other can wait.

right 4 days after finding out i tested positive. they took a 2nd sample of blood from me on wednesday call me at 5pm as you all know and confirmed the 2nd test showed i was positive. went back yesterday at 11am where they took 8 tubes of blood from me to be sent for things like my viral count and tis cd4 score etc. however this was sent to another lab where they have now come back and said it shows i am negative.

ive to wait now until monday to see if they do any more tests and prob take even more blood from me. i just started to get my head around this still a bit emotional but now this and am back to feeling how i did on wednesday this not knowing if i am or not.

right 4 days after finding out i tested positive. they took a 2nd sample of blood from me on wednesday call me at 5pm as you all know and confirmed the 2nd test showed i was positive. went back yesterday at 11am where they took 8 tubes of blood from me to be sent for things like my viral count and tis cd4 score etc. however this was sent to another lab where they have now come back and said it shows i am negative.

This goes back to one of my original points.

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"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

right 4 days after finding out i tested positive. they took a 2nd sample of blood from me on wednesday call me at 5pm as you all know and confirmed the 2nd test showed i was positive. went back yesterday at 11am where they took 8 tubes of blood from me to be sent for things like my viral count and tis cd4 score etc. however this was sent to another lab where they have now come back and said it shows i am negative.

ive to wait now until monday to see if they do any more tests and prob take even more blood from me. i just started to get my head around this still a bit emotional but now this and am back to feeling how i did on wednesday this not knowing if i am or not.

talk about a roller coaster of emotions. any advice please help

hi wull,

sorry about all this and wow, that's amazing that they got your viral load & cd results back so quickly (today) considering they were only drawn just yesterday. here in the usa, it usually takes a week or two. were you able to confirm that a western blot had in fact been done?

they never came back with the viral results they just called me and said it showed no signs of being positive. so i now need to wait until monday to see if more tests can be done try to get to the bottom of it. im confused how 2 resuts show positivethen when they take loads of blood this now shows as being negative.

Wull, it sounds like your first two tests were ELISA type antibody tests. The third round of tests most likely included a Western Blot test, which is needed to confirm a positive ELISA.

There are several conditions which can produce false-positive ELISA results, such as an underlying autoimmune disease (which may not have come to light yet) or pregnancy. There are a few other conditions that sometimes cause false positives and sometimes they just happen for no apparent reason. That's why positive ELISAs MUST be confirmed with a Western Blot before the patient is considered positive.

Good luck - hopefully you've just had a false positive. Keep us posted.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

they never came back with the viral results they just called me and said it showed no signs of being positive. so i now need to wait until monday to see if more tests can be done try to get to the bottom of it. im confused how 2 resuts show positivethen when they take loads of blood this now shows as being negative.

im so scared i dont know what to think anymore

right, there's the chance that you are in fact truly negative or maybe the vl test "result" was neg due your vl being at undetectable levels for whatever the reason...the verbage is really important here. hence the importance of the confirmatory western blot. as ann noted, it would be reasonable that your doc drew blood for the western blot 2 days ago (friday), but definitely confirm that with your doc. it's critically important info. hopefully you ultimately are a false positive....that would be awesome! hang in there.

That's why positive ELISAs MUST be confirmed with a Western Blot before the patient is considered positive.

Good luck - hopefully you've just had a false positive. Keep us posted.

I'm with you on that, Ann. Somehow I have a good feeling that Wull had a false positive.

Wull, best of health and luck to ya. Do let us know what the final outcome is.

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"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Good luck with the tests results. No matter what their answer is, remember that learning about hiv is always useful.One never knows perhaps after sometime you may find someone scared that may need your help and support when it comes to face something like this.