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Monday, August 23, 2010

Becoming Mom-Like

I can remember a very specific conversation several years back with my dad. I think I'd just finished chewing out my younger brother, and Dad and I decided -- me just as on board as he was -- that I wasn't a very compassionate caregiver type of person. "A career like nursing -- definitely not up your alley." Agreed.

So I find it funny, and weird, and terrifying, that now, on a regular basis, I catch myself feeling really Mom-like around my section of girls at NPH. Who ever, in a million years, would have thought I'd be saying this. Certainly not Dad or me.

But it's happening.

I feel like a Mom when I hug them even when they don't want me to. I feel like a Mom when I look down and realize they're lying in my lap and I'm playing with their hair. I feel like a Mom when I get really disappointed at them for getting in trouble. I feel like a Mom when I hope they always stay 13 and never get boyfriends. And, I feel like a Mom when the earth quakes or the lights go out or the kitchen smells like it's on fire and the first person I think about getting to safety isn't myself anymore.

I kind of came to NPH Guatemala hoping I'd develop some qualities I knew I didn't exactly have in me. And while I wouldn't say a full-on miracle has occurred (still could never be a nurse, still guaranteed to yell at my brother from time to time), I would say that "Mom-like" definitely sounds like progress.