Is pornography cheating? – Comparing using pornography to cheating or adultery

Is Pornography cheating or just an outlet for physical desires?

I woke up this morning and this question literally popped into my head. Maybe it was due in part to the dream I had plus the situation that has come to light in my own life. Anyway I seek to answer it for myself and for you the reader.

Is she cheating?

Why has this question come up? Lately, I have come to learn that my wife has been flirting online with another man. It has been by email and chatting on the computer for sure, maybe only online cheating. I don’t know whether they have met in person as the emails question, but he does live awfully close. I honestly don’t know how far they have gone.

Why is my wife having an affair?

The discovery of this has hurt me deeply. I feel betrayed, inadequate and angry. Why is she seeking to go outside of our marriage? What am I not doing for her that she seeks to get elsewhere? Is it physical dissatisfaction? Is it an emotional affair where she is trying to fill some deficit? Perhaps it is for the excitement and the escape from life.

I don’t have any answers to these questions yet. I have not confronted her with it. Before I do, I need to get to the bottom of the question at hand: Is using pornography cheating? You see, I was using pornography since my teens and carried it into our marriage. About six years ago I confessed my problem to my wife.

My past use of pornography.

Her reaction was to my revelation was relief, sympathetic and hurt. The relief part came as I was trying to explain this and she began to think I was having an affair. She was relieved to find out that was not true. She was sympathetic regarding my background and how I started into pornography. Lastly, she was hurt thinking about how I used these images of women instead of her, even she knew she wasn’t they cause of my problem.

Can you draw a correlation between cheating and pornography?

Now when I confront my wife about her friend, I know that she will relate it to my pornography use and how that hurt her. If she is physically involved with this man, is it really comparable to using pornography? Could you honestly use this as a defensive move if you were confronted about cheating? What if she is only emotionally cheating, what then?

I want to really try and answer these questions for myself. I want your help to sort this out. Please leave your comments below. Where do you stand on this? What are your thoughts?

Comments

My first thought was that it takes a long time to heal and if she never rreally healed from your use of porn then that could very well be the crack that left the door open to mistrust. The mind is tricky and her actions could be a way of dealing with pent up anger. Hopefully it is not a physical affair, but this is only one step away from being as bad as actually doing the act. There has been a breach, a transgression of a covenant, and the pain is no less intense. In any case, you must confront her and be her friend as you go through the process of learning how deeply involved she is with this man. The sooner the better too because your agony is fear and prolonged fear leads to much anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness. Facing the fear is hard but running from it is slow death and much worse for everyone involved. Go to counseling at a church with trained professionals and find others who have made it through this hell so you can learn from them. I wish you restoration, wholeness, and complete.peace in your walk.

My husband’s pornography addiction is killing our marriage. He gives his time, emotional and physical energy to the computer rather than his wife, who incidentally is more than willing to be whatever he needs sexually. Instead, “porn is easier,” especially when I am not there (I’m just about never gone more than 8hours). He lies, sneaks, and exhibits all sorts of angry and deceitful addict behavior when he is confronted about watching porn. He just keeps justifying his behavior. “Would you rather I really cheated on you?” I hate the porn, and I wish I knew how to help him see that he is breaking my heart by cheating with his computer.

First off, I am very sorry you have to go through this. I will be praying for you and your husband. Pornography is a marriage killer. I don’t care what anyone says to the contrary. Generally pornography is an escape from reality. While you are available to him sexually, he wants to leave the stresses of the real world and take a trip to fantasy land. Those women never remind him to take out the garbage or pay bills. Nothing against you, but you remind him of all his responsibilities. Have you tried to sit down and talk without confrontation? What I mean is instead of you need to talk to him in a way that does not trigger his instincts to defend himself and come out fighting. If you were to sit down with him during a calm time, maybe on the floor looking up at him (it puts you in a non-aggressive posture) and calmly work into the conversation how his using pornography makes you feel; Your heart is broken, You feel betrayed, You feel unattractive BUT you want to be able to help him stop. Find out from him after you share how it makes you feel whether he really care for you enough to stop.. Then we can go from there… how does that sound?

Watching porn is adultery. He may not be physically touching these women but he is breaking his vow to you each time he does not turn away. The biggest challenge you face now is that he is most likely addicted just like a drug addict. You can’t just tell a heroin addict to stop, it’s not that easy. He really needs to make a choice; porn or you. You are the only one he should see nude and enjoy sexually. Don’t allow him to have both or you devalue yourself as a woman. Like a drug addict, he needs help but ultimate he must make the choice to live without porn or to live without you. Porn will destroy both of you. The choice to stop and love you is the right choice. As his wife, you must let him know that it is the only choice that you will accept. I feel deeply for both of you and pray you both do what is right. You will both need help depending on how addicted he is and how long it takes you to trust him again.

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