Letter: Time to break cycle of violence

A man accused of domestic violence kept his job in the White House, long after top-level staffers knew of the accusations. Chief of Staff John Kelly apparently tried to get him to stay and "fight" the charges because he valued him so much.

When John Kelly took over as Chief of Staff he was hailed as a man of honor and integrity. He probably was an excellent general. Unfortunately, people that make great generals, or Rhodes Scholars (as Rob Porter was), or co-workers aren't always the same people in their private lives. Words that Gen. Kelly spoke in a press briefing made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. He stated that when he was growing up "women were sacred." This is a common attitude of people that don't see women as independent beings that deserve respect in their own right.

We need to pay attention to what people say when they talk about women. When a woman says she has been a victim of domestic violence, believe her. Because that high school kid that you know who is incredibly good looking and has a personality that charms everyone. When he gets angry about all the injustices he feels he has faced, he might just take it out on me, his girlfriend. I accepted that violence against me because even though as a 17-year-old, I was smart and strong, I wanted to help him. And, maybe sometimes I felt like I didn't deserve any better. Women (and girls) stay for all sorts of reasons; it is not our place to question why. It is our job to find out how we can help them.

I broke the cycle of violence; I realized nothing I did was going to "help" him stop abusing me and I left. Many women aren't able to break that cycle, or it takes multiple tries. Because, as it turns out, it's not just abusers who present a different face to the public; it may be a woman you work with, or your babysitter, or any of the women that you know. When a woman trusts you enough to let you see that private face, listen to her, believe her. And when you hear or see men acting in a way that demeans women, call them out on it. It's time to be proactive and break the cycle for all of us.