Quiz: Howstuffworks

Can We Guess How Old You Are and How Old You Act Based on the Words You Use?

Emily Maggrett

Image: Luis Alvarez / DigitalVision / Getty Images

About This Quiz

Think all American English speakers use the same language? Think again! A Cajun chef and a Maine lobster fisherman use the same words in very different ways. Almost as stark is the gulf between a marketing executive's jargon-y English, full of buzzwords like "micro-targeting," and a Pennsylvania Dutch grandmother's vocabulary, which may be sprinkled with a light dusting of German.

Whether your version of English features Yiddish, CB radio code, AAVE or Twitter abbreviations like "TIL," the words you choose to express yourself can say a lot about your background, indicating the region where you live (or come from), your profession, your hobbies and more. But the biggest thing your language tells other people is what your age is: Gen X, Gen Z, baby boomers and millennials have some epic slang differences!

Of course, not all 22-year-olds or 45-year-olds speak the same. For instance, 45-year-old actress Kate Beckinsale probably talks quite differently than a 45-year-old Minnesota mom who homeschools her kids. Conversely, a 19-year-old majoring in the Classics may talk more like an 80-year-old man than like one of his SoundCloud rapping peers. That's why, in this quiz, we're going to test you on your actual age as well as on how old you sound. Are you ready to find out whether you come across as a whippersnapper, an aging hipster or an old-timer? Let's play!

You watch an episode of "The Walking Dead" where your favorite character dies. Are you feeling "shook"?

No, but I'm feeling shaken.

I don't watch that show. I hate gore.

I don't have time to watch TV.

Shook AF, fam.

Someone offers you a free ticket to Burning Man. Do you go or are you afraid of getting called a "sparklepony"?

I'd totally go! I'm an experienced Burner.

What's Burning Man? Is it a horse racing event?

No. I'm not afraid of being called names but I don't like hippie stuff.

Haha, I'd go even though I'm a huge sparklepony.

Have you ever said, "Oh dip"?

Yes, but only because I found out that my friend brought clam dip to a party.

Yes, but only because I saw a sudden dip in the road as I was driving.

Yes, but only in order to make fun of Mormons.

Yes, because I am Mormon.

Do you spend an inordinate amount of time pondering how to "get buy-in" from your co-workers?

No. Instead, I only pitch projects that I know will get buy-in.

Buy ... what? Am I selling Girl Scout cookies at work?

Yes! It's my top anxiety in life.

Not sure what that means, but it sounds unpleasant.

Was "50 Shades of Grey" a good movie or did you find it too licentious?

It's my Bible.

I thought it was licentious, salacious and tawdry.

It was okay, I guess?

What does "licentious" mean? Whatever, Jamie Dornan 4eva.

You're writing a cover letter for a job you hope to snag. Do you promise to give "110 percent"?

No, because it's not possible to give more than 100 percent.

I don't promise to "give" anything, but I vow to be a loyal and effective employee.

I promise to give 120%.

No, but I tell them I'm a girl boss.

Tell us the truth: after you put a letter in the mail, do you brag on Instagram about your "adulting"?

No. It's the mail, not rocket science.

I wouldn't say that because I don't approve of speaking ungrammatically.

I wouldn't say that because it's cutesy and I want to project competence.

LOL, I did that yesterday.

Are you a "Buffy" stan?

Obviously!

I don't know what any of those words mean.

I'm too young to like that show.

No, but I'm a "Vampire Diaries" stan.

If you ask for an update on a project and your manager says, "Let's circle back on that," what they mean is ... ?

They're blowing off my request.

They want to me to draw circles all over the project?

They are eager to have a conversation about the project (but not right now).

I don't know what they mean, exactly. I would ask them to clarify.

What's "petrichor"?

It's a type of petroleum.

It's the sweet scent that rises from the earth after it rains.

It's a blanket term for musk-based perfumes.

Is it a band?

Your BFF describes a set of silver stackable rings as being "cute AF." In this case, she's saying ... ?

The rings are cute as France.

The rings are cute and free.

The rings are cute as frick.

The rings are cute as f---.

After a notable triumph, do you ever exclaim "boo-yah"?

All the time!

No, that's in poor taste.

No, that would make me sound ancient.

I used to, but I haven't done that in like five years.

"The politician engaged in a lengthy _____ about the damage caused by global warming." Can you complete this sentence?

Pulchritude

Fulmination

Advertainment

Poesy

Your niece complains that a classmate won't stop "trolling" her. This means that the classmate is ... ?

Giving her too many troll dolls

Charging her a toll for crossing a bridge

Annoying her

Harassing her by making inflammatory statements on purpose

If a client said, "Could you ballpark me an estimate," you'd think she meant ... ?

That she wanted me to give her a rough estimate of the cost of my services

That she wanted me to give her an estimate at a ballpark, perhaps during a baseball game

That she wanted a detailed breakdown of how much my services would cost

That she wanted to hear my estimate while eating a Ballpark hot dog

An older mentor says your new boyfriend is "pulchritudinous". What's she saying about him?

It's Thursday night. Are you performing "self-care" by applying a facial mask and binge-watching "Scandal"?

I wish, but unfortunately, I'm probably making school lunches.

How do those actions indicate that I care about myself? They seem kind of self-indulgent.

I would do that if I didn't work 60 hours a week.

You know it!

If you call someone "fine," it means that they are ... ?

A hottie with a body

An upstanding citizen

An acceptable individual

Sort of lame

What's a "futilitarian"?

It's a vegetarian who only eats fruit.

It's a person who believes that all human striving is futile.

It's a business model predicated on the idea that French-inflected utilitarianism is very aspirational for American consumers.

It's a guy who watches way too much football.

The director of your department asks your team for some "actionable analytics." How do you respond?

I roll my eyes and tell her for the tenth time that we need a progressive web app.

I say, "Come again?"

I look at our website's most visited pages and compile a report about how less-visited pages on our site can be optimized to be more engaging.

I text my work wife and ask her to explain WTF the director is talking about.

Do you have a "squad"? Who's on it?

I was a cheerleader in high school. Does that count?

I am not in the military so no, I don't have a squad.

No. That was fun in middle school but I'm an adult now.

My squad is my crew is my girls!

Have you ever described a burrito as being "hella grubbing"?

I describe every burrito as being "hella grubbing."

"Hella"? That's a word?

Why would I compare a burrito to some filthy grubs?

I haven't done that since the '90s.

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