About Me

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

'Tis the season to be jolly...

Christmas means presents; and this
is what I would like to find under my tree this year

I know, I know, being a Hindu and all
that, Christmas should not mean that much to me. But what can I say? It does. It
always has.

Not in any religious sense, of course,
even though I went to convent school where I was educated by Catholic nuns. But
as a time of celebration, a time for family and friends to come together, a
time to show generosity to one another, a time to embrace the world, the day
makes perfect sense to me.

Which is why, ever since I was a child, I
have always embraced Christmas. It helped that the city I grew up in, Calcutta,
lit up like a bride in the run-up to Christmas, and it was hard not to be infected
with the spirit of the festival. And even though we never had a tree at home or
even a tradition of Christmas presents, we still marked the day in our own way.

Sometimes it was a friends-and-family
picnic in Botanical Gardens. At other times, it was a visit to the zoo. And
sometimes it was just a lunch with friends at their home. But no matter where
we celebrated, the day always involved lots of food, fun and festivity. And
yes, since you ask, we did wear red Santa hats to get into the spirit.

Perhaps that explains why, even decades
later, I take a particular delight in the advent of Christmas. It helps that my
Christian friends are kind enough to invite me to their parties. And that mince
pies, rum cake and eggnog go down a treat this time of the year.

This time around, for some reason, I
suddenly felt the need to have a Christmas tree of my own. And once it was
installed, sparkling away in a corner of the living room, I began imagining
what presents I could put under it for members of my family. And that,
inevitably, led to thoughts of what I would like for Christmas.

Well, since you ask, this is what I would
like under my glittering fir tree this Christmas.

·A time machine: That way I could travel back in time and
undo all the horrific stuff that happened this year. First stop would be Syria,
where countless children have been murdered in their beds by bombs that rain
down every day in Aleppo. Next would be the UK, where the Brexit vote seems to
have sparked off a fresh wave of racism. And then, there would be the USA,
which lost its collective mind and elected Donald Trump (the putative
Groper-in-Chief) as its President. (Though perhaps we shouldn’t be too harsh on
those Americans; Hillary Clinton is ahead by nearly 3 million popular votes as
I write this.)

·A load of empathy: So that I could share it with all those
who seem to squandered their own stash, judging by their complete indifference
to the plight of those less fortunate. Never has this lack been more striking
than after the government’s demonetization announcement. It doesn’t matter how
in-your-face the suffering of poorer people is; it makes no difference how many
people die queuing up for hours to withdraw a few thousand rupees; it is of no
consequence how many jobs have been swallowed up by the monster of
demonetization. No, it’s just a minor inconvenience. And in any case, aren’t
these people used to queuing up for stuff? What’s the harm if they do so for
their own money? As I said, empathy. Loads of it, so that there’s enough to go
around.

·An Internet connection that actually works: And by that, I
mean a connection that runs at the speed at which it is actually supposed to,
instead of slowing down inexplicably every time I am trying to watch a Netflix
show late at night. A connection that doesn’t disappear when I am in the middle
of downloading a movie, so that I have to start all over again when it
reappears – only to see it disappear yet again before the download is complete.
And yes, for a 4G connection that isn’t actually a 3G connection in disguise.

·A brand-new metabolic system: Am afraid the one I have
currently has sadly been run to the ground. In fact, there are some days when
it is barely functional. So much so that I seem to gain 10 pounds just by
driving past a bakery. As to what happens when I actually ate the chocolate
croissant; well, let’s not go there. So I could really use a brand-new system,
or even a system reboot, to kick-start my way to good health (and minimal
cholesterol).

·A new liver: This one is showing signs of wear and tear
after a lifetime of eating and drinking a bit too well. Actually, if I am
asking for body parts, here are a few more that could do with a replacement: my
dodgy back, which has never been the same since I took a spill down the stairs
more than a decade ago; my wonky knees that twitch every time I climb up a
flight of steps; and of course, my neck, which no amount of anti-ageing
moisturizer can restore to creaseless glory.

I’m not greedy or unreasonable, so I am
not holding out for all of these gifts this year. But even two out of five
would be marvelous. I do hope Santa is listening…