Are you in a band? That might help give you a sense of direction and purpose.

Lol(not really, quite the opposite, col), my band left me. Its hard to sing and play guitar and...show up for a gig if you're an unrecovered addict who's either scored or hasn't. That was what started my resolution plans. I do hope to begin again though.

no, i find myself currently in a position grossly detached from the Balanced sense of 'right', i know what i need to do and it isnt hard i just dont do it.

my question: were you born in 1978
?

Yes, and so was my favorite guitar, its a freakish mij Madeira that's been heavily modified by a few different local musicians and passed on to me. Nothing valuable but it sounds and plays stunning, thus its my "lucky1978"
The longer you "don't do it" the worse it gets.
Not to say I've done it, I feel your pain and can relate, you only get to live once so keep trying.

Lol(not really, quite the opposite, col), my band left me. Its hard to sing and play guitar and...show up for a gig if you're an unrecovered addict who's either scored or hasn't. That was what started my resolution plans. I do hope to begin again though.

Well just keep playing dude. Music is its own drug, like none other.

__________________
Only play what you hear. If you donít hear anything, donít play anything.
-Chick Corea

Everything is exactly the way that it needs to be, and you are equipped with exactly what you need with which to Proceed x

This was an awesome thing to say.

I was addicted to opiates for 4 years. I ended up having to do the rehab/halfway house thing. I guess its not for everybody but if your at a loss and its something you can manage you should do it. It bought me time to find a job (I didn't have to quit mine I got fired 6 months before rehab), and get some clean time under my belt.

Honestly, finding a new job helped me the most. I recommend that you hit the pavement hard and get a new job asap. Find something you can do and pride yourself in doing a good job and working hard, for me I got a job as a prep cook in a grocery store. I found that I could put in a solid days work and feel good about myself and that was a building block to work off. After that, playing my guitar, writing songs, and picking up a couple hobbies kept me busy enough to keep going.

The first month or two is the hardest, that's why rehab can be so beneficial. If you even manage to get through the kicks, the motivation to stay clean so you never have to detox again only lasts a week or two max. I strongly recommend AA at least. Not forever, just for the first hardest steps. If you've been before and didn't like it, just force yourself. I found it really helped me get through the early goings. Don't just go, talk to people and engage yourself in it.

For me, I found making things has kept me going. I like to build guitars, cook, and obviously write music. Anything I can make with my hands and take pride in will boost my confidence which really helps in doing what you want to do right now. If your in to making pedals, do it to the fullest extent you are capable, and keep learning. And don't be afraid to feel proud of your work.

Sorry for the text-wall. Good luck and happy new year. I have been where it sounds like you are and I made it to the other side. I'll be 3 years clean in March.

Yeah TS, I just made a major life-changer too. Decided to drop out of a uni on New Years to focus on music. Even though I'm terrible at music and haven't even made a song in over a year.

But I couldn't commit to more time and money spent on uni when my heart wasn't truly in it. So I'm just gonna go for it. If I fail, which I most likely will, and end up working a shitty ass blue collar job for the rest of my life, I can live with it as long as I actually tried doing something my heart was set on.

i'm shit at giving advise and equally worthless at life but i feel the urge to post here.. so..

it might help to keep busy.. when you are craving opies go do something immediately. take a walk or make some food, whatever. even if you don't feel like doing something just do it to get your mind of things. a nice way to change your subconscious opinion on them is to belittle those opiates all the time, for example every time the second think about them say out loud 'NO! opiates are for ****ing chinamen.' and then go do something active. (i am not bullshitting you)

Yes, and so was my favorite guitar, its a freakish mij Madeira that's been heavily modified by a few different local musicians and passed on to me. Nothing valuable but it sounds and plays stunning, thus its my "lucky1978"
The longer you "don't do it" the worse it gets.
Not to say I've done it, I feel your pain and can relate, you only get to live once so keep trying.

that sounds cool, i have an epi hollowbody that ive had for 1.5years now and its my baby
but yeah yeah man
i dropped out of college in feb'11 and spent all of up to this sept when i went back doing jack all and smoking weed, iv'e 'turned around' in the sense that i dont smoke as much now at all (used to be a buttload) but the gap out of life that ive had has made it really clear how much actual effort irl requires

but enough of my useless story
cos i feel pretty certain that ive got shit thought out pretty well
i just never act on it
but all i can see is that the basic tenants of the universe at large are to
>start at its center point
>split up into the polarity
>proceed 'upwards'(4d) from that in accordance with strict laws, with the ultimate aim of the polarity meeting as one again; regaining balance

if youre gonna put that into irl terms, in terms that tell you how to act, all it says is:
there are two concepts; Creation and Entropy. You can choose to place yourself on either side of that scale, the same way as you can with happy/sad awake/sleepy light/dark, its just that C&E are more fundamental.

now, yeah, you can place yourself on one side of that, but when the ultimate goal is to regain balance, why not start at that point? align yourself right in the center of the two, help Create to get the universe to its possible best, and proceed with Entropy to bring the universe to its simplest counterpart. cos that's all any of this shit is, nature trying to revert back to its lowest possible point of energy exertion.

applying that onto the human condition is the point where i believe you arrive at ego death. you accept that you as a concept and your individual needs are grossly dissimilar to the way that the universe needs to be to be perfect (because the universe is always perfect, it's a prerequisite of its existence) and that the optimum way for you to function is with selfless compassion towards every counterpart of existence. understanding this concept sheds abundant light on the path you are required to take right now. the first hurdle from that is projecting enough 'astral fire' to follow on from that, and, ultimately, Proceed. i know i have it i'm just lazy as shit.

i've typed way too much.
but basically,
my first post was all that^ in a nutshell,
accept the way that things are around you, fully and logically understand everything about it, and from that, proceed in a manner that will bring about the culmination of events that are perfect for that moment. if that makes any sense. im not good at articulating this at all. (:

My ego is definitely dead. And that's a painful thing to admit to yourself. On the bright side, I got a couple hours of sleep last night and forced myself to eat and go for a walk today. Hopefully my head will clear up in the next couple days and I can start setting goals. Which, setting goals sounds so cheesy to me but on the otherhand, dope seemed cool to me and working a job i hate was normal to me. Obviously I can't trust my brain's thought processes. Day 4 though, damn I hope its over soon.

I thought up of an analogy to help me explain the egodeath thing and where to after

If you let bricks = reality, reality in terms of the greater(greatest) thing that we are, existence, as such, then existences nature necessitates there to be an innumerable amount of bricks, as existence is infinite.

now, of these infinite blocks, we pick a certain few, and ascribe higher meaning to those blocks than the other blocks, and identify those bricks as part of our selves. With these bricks, you build a house around yourself, the house is the ego. The nicer your house is/happier your ego is, the more content you are staying in that little bubble/upset you are when it crashes.

ego death is accepting that that house must be demolished in order for the universe to continue optimal functionality, in that you're a part of the universe, and that its whats required for you to 'be the best you can be', so to speak.

but there are stages to this
the first stage is breaking down that house, but in that stage, youre still living in the middle of your ego house, its just that your looking at all the bricks laying around chaotically on the floor, and thats depressing as **** for you to see, everything you once deemed important and 'you' is now nothing.

the second stage
is remembering that these blocks on the floor, the ruins of your 'house', are but an infinitesimal aspect of a greater thing, a thing that you are more fundamentally part of.

what follows from this realisation is getting over the fact that your ego You must be told to stfu, this can seem depressing, why live, why bother doing anything, right? because you just remembered that your blocks are infinite. youre that greater whole and that greater whole is always going to do whats best for it, you only need to align yourself with that, selflessly, and theres no room for depression. proceed with selfless compassion towards every aspect of the universe while trying to maintain a balance of lowest energy output and best possible outcome *FOR THE GOOD OF THE UNIVERSE ~NOT YOU~* and there's no room left for uncertainty on one's goal or room left to be unhappy. it just dote work. (:

I hope this helps idk. it helps me to understand shit better when i write it out/tell it to other people.

also everything else you said in that last post resonated with me pretty well

but the ultimate thing to realise is that you're a phoenix:
your ego dies (Entropy)
your left with ashes
you align yourself with Creation
from the ashes of your ego rises the Fire
this Fire is a new manifestation of the ego, because we need the ego to exist in this reality, without the ego there is no 'i am', there is just 'am', just existence
the ego dies again
out of the ashes comes another even better bird of Fire
repeat ad infinitum

To that analogy I would add that while hobbies, philosophies, problems, etc are your bricks, it becomes increasingly clear the older you get, you need to build those bricks on a foundation of physical health, mental health and societal health, in order to make your house last. If its missing any one of those three things, your house WILL collapse.

The whole brick analogy got me going on this poem. Its pretty simple but hey...I ache, I stink and I can't move or stop moving( if you can understand that).

A house of cards ain't so hard
Far less weight the way the are
Gotta have bricks to make it stick
Don't believe the cards, don't fall for their trick
A house needs a floor, just to begin
Windows and doors, go out, see in
If snow and sleet, you're gonna need heat
In every game, any card can be beat
None are better, numbers and letters
I build my house with bricks so I don't regret it