CineFiles

Tools

Canadian heavy-metaller Jon-Mikl Thor is in all his ber-buff, blond-tasseled brilliance John Triton, frontman of the hair-metal band Tritonz. The group, in need of new material, decides to hole up in an old farmhouse, where, inexplicably, a demon popped out of an oven and killed a family 10 years earlier. One by one, band members are possessed by various demons, most of which resemble the offspring of a Muppet and a dirty latex condom. But just when you think it's a basic horror flick, the film transmogrifies with a shocking, ludicrously awesome twist that M. Night Shyamalan surprisingly didn't have anything to do with. Filled with chain-mail codpieces, skeletal demons and balls-to-the-wall rocking out, Rock'n'Roll Nightmare is one of the greatest films ever. Ever, I say. Louis Fowler

This Divided State (NR)

Directed by Stephen Greenstreet

The Disinformation Company/ *Under the Radar

When portly pundit Michael Moore is invited to speak at Utah Valley State College by the student government, all hell breaks loose in Mormonland. The outraged Orem community calls for the responsible student leaders to step down, and neighbors turn on one another. Someone raises the alarm: "He's coming to destroy us!" But never fear ... foul talk-show creature (and rabid liberal-hater) Sean Hannity will save the day. The wannabe knight in shining armor waives his normal lecture fee to speak days before Moore's arrival. Amidst portraiture of student bravery and courage and free speech on the gallows entertaining clips emerge. On event day, a counter-protester's T-shirt sums the documentary's ultimate goal: "UnFuck the world." Matthew Schniper

Masters of Horror: Lucky McKee's Sick Girl (NR)

Directed by Lucky McKee

Anchor Bay Entertainment

Sick Girl is the best episode, so far, in the Masters of Horror series. Blackly comical, McKee's entry is just further proof that he's already a true Master. Ida Teeter (the strangely cute Angela Bettis) is a dorky, lovelorn lesbian entomologist who falls for a shy girl sitting in her lab's lobby, drawing pictures of pixies. At the same time, Ida receives a strange specimen in the mail a truly frightening South American bug with horns and pinchers and whatnot. When Ida and her new girlfriend Misty are in throes of passion, said bug sticks its feeler-thing into girlfriend's ear. Soon, Misty becomes prone to outbursts of anger and, well, mutating into a giant bug. It all leads up to a twisted ending that had me recoiling in freakish glee, leaving me one Sick boy. But it was worth it. Louis Fowler