12 Things Sarah Palin Just Said, In What We Can Only Assume Is Real Life

Former Alaska governor and onetime GOP vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin appeared alongside Donald Trump on Tuesday at an Iowa campaign event, just hours after officially endorsing the billionaire real estate mogul for president. She had a lot to say, so we’ll just go ahead and let it speak for itself.

1. “Rock ‘n’ rollers and holy rollers” make the world go round.

“Looking around at all of you, you hard-working Iowa families, you farm families and teachers and teamsters and cops and cooks, you rock ‘n’ rollers and holy rollers. All of you who work so hard, you full-time moms, you with the hands that rock the cradle. You all make the world go round. And now our cause is one.”

2. Obama apparently refers to his enemies as “enemy.”

“Because a weak-kneed capitulator in chief has decided that America will lead from behind. And he who would negotiate deals, with the skills of a community organizer, maybe organizing a neighborhood tea — yeah, well — he deciding that America would apologize and as part of the deal, as the enemy sends a message to the rest of the world that they capture and we kowtow, and we apologize and then we bend over and say, ‘Thank you, enemy.’“

3. No more “pussyfooting around”! And can I get a hallelujah for “the main thing”?

“No more pussyfooting around! Our troops deserve the best! You deserve the best! He is from the private sector, not a politician. Can I get a hallelujah? Where in the private sector you actually have to balance budgets in order to prioritize, to keep the main thing, the main thing — and he knows the main thing of a president is to keep us safe economically and militarily. He knows the main thing and he knows now to lead the charge.”

4. And now, a string of big words.

“Trump’s candidacy has exposed, not just that tragic — that ramifications of the betrayal of a transformation of our country, but, two, he has exposed the complicity on both sides of the aisle that has enabled it, OK?”

5. The GOP establishment is “busted,” and its voters are a word salad.

“But for the GOP establishment to be coming after Donald Trump’s supporters, even, with accusations that are so false, they are so busted, the way that this thing works. We, you, a diverse, dynamic, needed support base, that they would attack. And now, some of them even whispering, they’re ready to throw in for Hillary over Trump, because they can’t afford to see the status quo go. Otherwise, they won’t be able to be slurping off the gravy train that’s been feeding them all these years. They don’t want that to end. Well, then, funny, ha-ha, not funny, but now what they’re doing is wailing, ‘Well, Trump and his trumpeters, well, they’re not conservative enough.’ Oh my goodness gracious. What the heck would the establishment know about conservatism?”

“How about the rest of us? Right-wingin’, bitter-clingin’, proud clingers of our guns, our God, and our religions and our Constitution. Tell us that we’re not red enough? Yeah, coming from the establishment.”

7. People are wearing political correctness “like a suicide vest.”

“Well, he being the only one who’s been willing, he’s got the guts to wear the issues that need to be spoken about and debated on his sleeve. Where the rest of some of these establishment candidates, they just wanted to duck and hide. They didn’t want to talk about these issues until he brought them up. In fact, they’ve been wearing this political correctness kind of like a suicide vest. And enough is enough.”

8. “Drill, Baby, Drill,” Sarah Palin (Remix feat. Donald Trump)

“So no, we’re not going to chill. In fact, it’s time to drill, baby, drill down and hold these folks accountable.“

9. It’s time to “savage” the status quo.

“The status quo has got to go, otherwise we’re just going to get more of the same. And with their failed agenda, it can’t be salvaged. It must be savaged. And Donald Trump is the right one to do that.”

10. Did she just say “squirmishes”?

“Let me say something really positive about one of those individuals. Rand Paul. I‘m going to tell you about that libertarian streak in him that is healthy, because he knows, you only go to war if you’re determined to win the war! And you quit footing the bill for these nations who are oil-rich. We’re paying for, some of their squirmishes [sic], that have been going on for centuries, where they’re fighting each other, and yelling, ‘Allah akbar,’ [sic] calling jihad on each other’s heads forever and ever. Like I said before, let them duke it out and let Allah sort it out.“

11. Politicians are getting high on the least fun kind of “opium.”

“He builds things, he builds big things. Things that touch the sky. Big infrastructure that puts other people to work. He has spent his life looking up and respecting the hard hats and the steel-toed boots and the work ethic that you all have within you. He, being an optimist, passionate about equal opportunity to work. This self-made success of his, you know that he doesn’t get his power, his high, off of opium — other people’s money — like a lot of dopes in Washington do. They’re addicted to opium, where they take other people’s money and then their high is getting to redistribute it, right?”

12. These words do not mean what you think they mean.

“And you’re ready to stop the race-baiting and the division based on color and zip code, to unify around the right issues, the issues important to me, or I wouldn’t be endorsing him: pro-life, pro-Second Amendment, strict constitutionality. Those things that are unifying values and their time-tested truths involved. These are unifying values from big cities and tiny towns, from big mountain states and the Big Apple to the big, beautiful heartland that’s in between.”