Tuesday, March 16, 2010

This is what He has planned

Bismillah.

Salam.

Just sharing a thought that has just come across my mind, nor once, neither twice, but even more. I am suffering from a critical sickness which everybody (around me) knows. No medicine to heal, no doctor to treat. Yeah, it's unbearable but Alhamdulillah I still survive till now. Homesickness is the most crucial emotional effect when one is living far away from the beloveds. The same happens to me that I always think why should I be tested this way? Astaghfirullah. I think my family's love and care is never enough for me that I need and I will need that forever in my life. Yet being apart doesn't mean I don't get this family love&care, it's just I could say, will never be the same as one whom family members are with him/her. What I can do now is to remain patient, keep consoling myself and pray hard that I manage to fulfil my responsibilities as a daughter and sister as perfect as myself could do, InshaAllah.

Living with friends of the same age teaches me what life as a teenager is all about. I admit that I have so far learnt a lot about things I have never come across before. I bet my life would never be the same as today if I were to be living with my family all the time. There are things in life that we tend to share with friends more openly as compared to sharing with Mum, or Dad. Yeah, all I could say is I have learnt a lot about how I bring myself up, how to regard friends, how to survive without family members being on my side and about how to make and feel my friends as if they are my siblings. Oh it seems hard but it is indeed sweet. I start to learn to appreciate people around me more, regardless of the non-blood relationship. I could still remember that Ummi (my fren's mum when I was in Islamic College) once said, "Do always pray to Allah that He puts you among the righteous and the righteous be with you." Alhamdulillah, thanks Ummi for that precious du'a (prayer).

Owh I am now start thinking of my Mum. She used to say, "25 is an ideal age for you Dear. I was 24 when it was my time." Oh Mum started talking about the ideal age for me to live a life with someone, a stranger, an outsider, not from my family members. Yes, I guess by 25 I am ready for that. If Allah says YES, it is surely be a YES for me. No one knows except Him. But, the matter here is that again, I have to sacrifice the feelings of being owned by a mother despite the fact that I spend insufficient time with my beloveds. Aku belum puas. Since I was 16 until now (21), I have to bear the unique, mysterious sickness: homesickness. Nonetheless, I strongly believe in what people say that everything happens for a reason and absence makes the heart grow fonder. It's clearly evident! Being apart makes my love towards my only lil brother become stronger :) More magic, I could feel that love towards my family grows day by day though the agony is hard and inevitable. Alhamdulillah, 'ala kulli haal..

What am I babbling about? Huhh. A deep sigh can sometimes tell a lot. a lot.

it may sound rather cliche but homesickness is a sign showing how much we treasure what we have rather than what we have not. 25? my mom permits me only after i managed to get a hold of myself, with stable life and things like that. if according to her estimation, my ideal age is around 30..too old to be true. anyway, don't get me wrong commenting about the 'age', just giving my side of the story.. (ezul)

I agree with you ezul. Treasuring people around us will promise another sickness when we lose them. Yet that is how a normal life would be. Hmm. It's too old for a girl, but still ideal for a 'man'. :)