keeping my sanity

December 20, 2016December 20, 2016

How to take the Perfect Christmas Photo

Well, first get everyone ready, drive to the mall, find the biggest line for Santa ever and decide to do it ALL over again on another day. The second try, the husband decides that day will be the day that he gets the car’s headlight fixed and will clean out the car. SO, you need to get ready in the time it takes him to clean out the car to which he offered to watch the girls at the same time so you can get ready. 10 minutes after you hear your littlest screaming her lungs by the stairs. You go see what’s going on, the oldest one tells you that Daddy brought them back inside so he can finish cleaning the car. You decide that you will continue getting ready, so you keep at it, your little one does not stop crying! That child has some lungs in her. 3 minutes after that, you decide to Fuck it! You start looking for their outfits, you realize that the washer has ripped part of the top of your littlest outfit, Fuck it! You can barely tell. Meanwhile, your little one is still sharpening her lungs downstairs. Husband walks in, you think, okay, maybe NOW you can finish getting ready, NOPE! He goes back out making that little human with the biggest scream EVER scream louder!! Why the Fuck did he come in!!?? You realize you don’t have many things that are red but who the Fuck cares…hurry up!! Husband comes in and goes up, you think he’ll get them ready so you can finish getting ready. NOPE! He needs to go to the restroom, so YOU get the girls ready. After he shits for 20 minutes and puts on a red sweater, He takes them back downstairs. You then hear “no, make a loop, then criss-cross” he’s teaching one of them to tie her shoes…GREAT!! Except, the shoes you had pulled out for them to wear have no Fucking shoe laces!! You look and see him sitting on the couch without a care, kinda glancing at what she’s doing and guiding her with only words. You go back to getting ready, a minute later you hear him say “babe, the car repair place closes at 5”. It’s 4:10 pm!! You yell back “Those are NOT the shoes they were suppose to wear!!” Go downstairs, and you STILL have heads of hair to do!! We head out, you don’t feel comfortable in what you’re wearing but that’s the only red top you could find in those constantly interrupted 35 minutes!! Husband drives like a maniac, I guess if we don’t do it today we will NEVER find another headlight, EVER!! The headlight is fixed, you all get in the car and start heading to the mall, the little one starts being fussy again, did your husband think of packing a snack…NOPE! So she cries all 20 minutes it takes to get to the mall. You get to the mall and you think “hey at least there’s no line” BUT! It turns out Santa is on a break so you guys stand there for 20 minutes. The Little one gets fussy again. Santa finally shows up but it takes them 15 more minutes to get to you even though you were 3rd in line. Funny shit is that when you get YOUR turn it literally takes them 2 minutes, with 3 women standing there making noise and pausing 25 seconds before actually taking the photo, weird pause, as if she was confused, did she not know what button to press?? Anyway, 3 odd poses later and you’re done. You collect everyone’s jackets and stuff while the husband says his goodbyes to Santa. You look at all poses and only one looks decent, you quickly choose that one, pay, and walk out of the mall, you look inside the envelope, take out the photo and see that they have cut your arm off so they can advertise a hotel deal!! OUR PERFECT IMPERFECTLY PHOTO:

It kinda looks effortless huh…

*Don’t forget to enter the giveaway, info on the “Giveaway Time” post.