My Journey to Wellness

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Extremes

Holy Moses. I think we’ve already established the fact that my head is a scary, scary place to be. But just in case we haven’t, let’s use a few situations over the last two days to cement the idea:

Unhealthy situation #1: The PT clinic did not follow my infinite wisdom and intentional pre-planning efforts to attain authorization for more PT visits before my current authorized visits ran out so that I didn’t have to miss scheduled visits waiting for insurance to approve more visits. I was fuming when I went in for my last authorized visit on Monday and they told me they had just done something that day that I asked them to take care of a week ago, that I had already gotten the go-ahead from my doctor for them to do. As I was doing my PT routine, I was so frustrated that they hadn’t listened to my concerns about getting authorization in a timely manner that I seriously was ready to walk out and tell them that I was finished with PT altogether.

How I should have reacted to situation #1: Suck it up, buttercup. That’s life. Yes, you’re probably going to have to miss one or two PT sessions waiting for insurance authorization. Your body will not fall apart as a result. Keep doing the home exercises and your exercise program in the meantime. The doctor ordered 3-4 months of PT, you are not cured after 1. Don’t harm yourself because you’re frustrated at the process. Just let it be.

Unhealthy situation #2: The weight watchers site and app went down, so I could not track my food. Contact the weight watchers IT folks and find that it will be several hours for them to fix the problem. I just won’t eat. Okay, that’s a bad idea. So, I ate a few low-point foods and wrote them down on an index card to enter into the app later when it was working. End of story, yes? For a sane person, maybe. Nooo…I sat there and obsessed over it. I could not stop thinking about food and the fact that I hadn’t made myself accountable for it by tracking it and that I was going to somehow gain all forty-five pounds back in the course of an afternoon.

How I should have reacted to situation #2: Suck it up, buttercup. That’s life. Technology fails. You did your best by making good choices and writing it down to enter later. That’s all you can do. Move on with life.

Unhealthy situation #3: Skipped going to the gym and took a nap. Feelings of guilt and shame overwhelm me because “I’m giving up.” And again, because I did not exercise for one day, I am going to gain all forty-five pounds back in the course of an afternoon. But now that I’ve skipped one exercise session, I’m going to tumble down the slippery slope of skipping more and more.

How I should have reacted to situation #3: Suck it up, buttercup. That’s life. Cut yourself a break! You were exhausted. You needed to rest. That’s part of a healthy lifestyle too. One missed exercise session in the grand scheme of life is not going to make a difference. You are not going to throw away every effort of weight loss from now on because of one choice. Just make sure when you are making the choice, you’re looking at the legitimate reasons for making the choice and it’s not out of laziness.

Phew! Are you exhausted yet? I am! I have no idea where in life my thinking has gotten so twisted, but man alive…if I was ever this hard on someone else, I’d be up on inhumane torture charges in a heartbeat. Why do I do this to myself? When did this kind of self-talk become acceptable? Why do I automatically jump to the worst possible conclusion at the drop of a hat?

Fear.

Fear of failure. Fear of not being successful. Fear of not meeting my goals. Fear of disappointing myself. Fear of disappointing others. Fear of the future. Fear of disappointing God.

Whoa there, back up the train. Fear of disappointing God. How? By trying your best? By committing each and every action to Him? By seeking His guidance? By committing in His power to change your life for the better? You better check yourself, missy. God doesn’t just care about the end result. He cares about the process–how it’s changing me and molding me to be the person that He created me to be. God doesn’t approve of this self-destructive behavior to glorify Him. What example am I showing a non-believer of Christ’s love and grace if I cannot extend grace to myself and cut myself a little bit of kindness?