Corndogs and a Disgraced Weiner

17 Jun 2011

Finally, Congressman Anthony Weiner (D-NY) did the honorable thing: he folded up his towel and handed in his pass to the House Members Gym in the basement of the Rayburn House Office Building. Weiner must have “heed[ed] calls from President Barack Obama,” who said that if he found himself in a similar position, “he’d resign.”

Besides the president, calls for Weiner to capitulate came from both sides of the aisle: House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) as well as a woman who, under different circumstances, would normally celebrate such a colorful display of sexual expression, San Francisco liberal House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA). This time, however, both John and Nancy agreed it would be in the country’s best interest if Weiner headed back to Queens and remained there permanently.

Anthony Weiner’s long overdue submission to pressure ended nearly “three weeks of tumultuous political controversy,” which included “sexting,” lying, and lewd pictures. Besides “a photo of a man’s crotch posted publicly on his Twitter account…and a tear-filled press conference,” also trickling out into the public were racy photos “including one of his naked genitals and others of him posing in the House gym.”

In addition, the nationwas also subjected to an ongoing parade of women stepping forward and accusing Weiner of inappropriately communicating with them via the Internet. Thus far the bevy of beauties included a black jack dealer, an aspiring nurse, a 21-year-old student, and a cheerleading coach, as well as a Pink Pony pole dancer/porn actress named Ginger Lee, who just so happens to be the very truthful client of feminist lawyer/opportunist Gloria Allred.

Before making any final decisions about leaving Congress, “Weiner had said he would wait until his wife Huma Abedin returned” from navigating the African continent for a week with boss and graduate of the School for Political Wives of Philandering Husbands, Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Seems after his wife’s return the congressman made up his mind to resign pretty quickly, which means Obama, Boehner, and Pelosi had nothing to do with the decision and Weiner throwing in the gym towel had everything to do with his bride of one year, Huma, who was nowhere to be found during the congressman’s circus-like resignation press conference.

In spite of his belief that his New York constituents would forgive salacious indiscretions in return for a representative with a 100% NARAL rating, it appears that the mother of Weiner’s unborn child did not agree with cocky Anthony stubbornly subjecting her Weiner Jr., or the Democrat party, to additional humiliation.

Either way, it didn’t matter because supposedly even before Weiner’s decision to step down was made official, House Democrats were “set to strip [no pun intended] Weiner of his committee assignments.” Before publicly thanking his lawyer father and New York City public school teacher mother (which explains a lot) for having “instilled in [him] the values that have carried [him] this far,” Weiner called and informed Democratic Congressional Committee chairperson Steve Israel, “who had also called for his resignation,” to inform him he planned to cede his congressional seat.

Ironically, when Israel got the call from Weiner both he and Pelosi were enjoying ‘corn dogs’ and ‘chicken in a basket’ at the annual White House South Lawn picnic.

Prior to Weiner’s resignation, Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) told reporters he was unaware of the congressman’s plans to quit, which was hard to believe because apparently John threw caution to the wind and in between handfuls of kettle corn actually smoked what could be viewed as a celebratory cigarette in plain sight of revelers at the White House annual picnic.

Verbose chair of the Democratic National Committee, Debbie Wasserman Schultz (D-FL), who also encouraged Weiner’s departure, had no further comment about Weiner’s extracurricular antics and claimed she got all her updates directly from a Blackberry similar to the one used by Weiner to snap pictures of his naked manhood.

It’s hard to fathom, but Missouri Representative Lacy Clay (D-MO), after hearing about Weiner’s decision to resign, lauded the NY congressman as a “die-hard member of our caucus,” but apparently, that’s exactly what he said. Clay also said he hoped Weiner gets “needed help” and referred to the entire situation as “sad.”

Nevertheless, all is not lost! If Weiner’s post-sex-therapy political rehabilitation/national book tour doesn’t work out, the legislator can always go back to pursuing his lifelong dream of becoming a weatherman.

And so another Democrat “weapon of war…perishes,” turns in his government-issued perks and the keys to his Congressional office. As a shamed Weiner heads back to Forest Hills in Queens to try to repair what little is left of his marriage, reputaiton and life, a poignant line of Scripture comes to mind from the Old Testament book of 2nd Samuel, Chapter 1 verse 27: “Oh how the mighty have fallen.”