Monday, July 30, 2018

Just three months ago I was happily engaged, planning a wedding and loving life as a fiancee, homeowner and puppy mum. Now I am single, living alone, struggling with money but ultimately still a puppy mum. Silver linings and all that. Essentially, things went tits up. But I am past the stage of wanting to scream and cry in a corner. I have come to peace with what has happened; I no longer hate my ex, although I definitely don't want to remain friends just due to what actually did happen. I don't hide what happened, but I also don't actively avoid discussing it. If people want to know, I tell them. If people don't ask, I don't say. If he were to walk past me, I would say hello, even if he wouldn't. I am now at that stage where I am looking forward to this chapter closing. I am looking forward to the future and what it has in store for me. The last few months have been eye opening and have given me a chance to reflect on my lifestyle, choices in life and look at who I want to be in the future.Don't get me wrong, I miss the security I had. My life plan was well on track and now I have given up on the idea of ever getting married and having kids. My two dogs, who I will introduce in a later post, have been life savers. I am a planner, and having someone else stir up my plans without any prior warning to me has been hard to deal with.I will be frank. I sought help. For the first time in my life, I knew when I wasn't mentally well and I actively went looking for help. To me, that was a big thing. I knew that I wasn't doing too good; I was feeling extremely down, constantly on edge, stressed beyond words and I didn't eat a proper meal for a month. There was a point where I did think I couldn't do this anymore. So, I went to my doctor. I was eventually diagnosed with depression and anxiety. At first I wasn't too sure, but accepting help when I needed it has worked wonders. When people said to me three months ago that time is a healer, I didn't believe them. I spent most my time alone in my house, curled up on the sofa crying. Now, although I still enjoy my alone time, I see friends, go out shopping, or visit family. I have a perfect balance between sitting on the sofa, puppy either side, watching Love Island and drinking a cup of tea and surrounding myself with family, having a drink and watching the World Cup. The down side? My fuel consumption has doubled (sorry, environment) just due to how much I am getting about now. I am having those realisations of all the things I can do, places I can go and things I can buy that were off the table. I can go to Japan! I can decorate my house how I want. I can buy that Christmas bedding. What is next for me?I have a ton of plans. I have plans with girls from work to go away at Christmas, to get drunk in London and take horrendous pictures. I am going away in August to Disney World. I am hoping to go away a couple of times next year. I am starting a new health routine in September after my holiday for both my physical and mental health. I am functioning on my own. So, for anyone out there in a similar situation to me a few months ago. Keep ploughing through. I could throw a ton of cliches at you and you will roll your eyes, but they are true.Time is a healer.Things get better.Keep going. More importantly, learn to accept and move on without a second glance back.

Tuesday, July 24, 2018

The rules:Each A-Z has a quote relating to a Walt Disney World attraction throughout all 4 parks. Comment with your answers below.Some are easy, and some may be a little more difficult! Some are part of quotes...not all letters are as easy as you think! And it all starts with a wish.Buenas dias senorita, my siestas are getting shorter and shorter.Come on everybody, here we go! Don't be chicken! Elsa's made a magic winter show, with summer snow, for Sven and me and you!First it's G, then C, then D and then going back to G.Go with the flow.Hang on to your hats and glasses 'cause this here's the wildest ride in the wilderness!It's the eighth wonder of the world. The back side of water!Jambo everyone.Kindly step all the way in please and make room for everyone.Like a grand and miraculous spaceship.My name is Patrick and I'll be your Chief Flight Attendant today.Now some person I don't even know reminds me there's no eating, drinking, smoking or flash photography allowed in my dream.One little spark of inspiration. Paging Mr Morrow. Mr Tom Morrow.Quiet and when I say "now" we will all shout "surprise!".Ready when you are, CB!Seal genetic matching room.There's a great big beautiful tomorrow, shining at the end of every day.Under the sea, under the sea.Very Merry Christmas! We're not gonna make it, we're not gonna make it! Xperiment 626, better known as stitch, always up to his usual antics.You are about to discover what lies beyond the fifth dimension. Zip-a-dee-doo-dah!

Saturday, July 21, 2018

Ok, let's face it, out of all the villains she has less of a presence. Her scrappy little deal with the Huntsman about hearts and then not checking that it was a human heart. Rookie error! And her big collar on her cape is so unnecessary I can't ever look at her and not think it would be so irritating and tickle the back of her head.14. Scar (The Lion King, 1994)

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Scar is great with his sarcasm and his multiple eye rolls, but he ends up as a rug. So things didn't end quite too well for him. He goes from walking over other people to being the one walked on. Let's also not forget that he keeps Zazu captive in a bone prison which then makes him sing "It's A Small World' and that always gets in my head, which I don't like. 13. Lady Tremaine (Cinderella, 1950)

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I would like to clarify that we are talking about animated Lady Tremaine, not awesome live action Lady Tremaine. She falls so down the bottom of my list just due to the fact that she is so petty and I don't love to hate her, I just hate her. And who does their hair like that?! 12. Dr Faciler (The Princess and the Frog, 2010)

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OK, Dr Facilier is great. I just haven't seen the Princess and the Frog as much as I have seen the other films. I just wish he would go to the dentist and get his teeth sorted out. 11. Prince John (Robin Hood, 1973)

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Prince John's significant lack of attention lands him at number 11 on my list. Robin Hood and Baloo, er I mean Little John, did not look at all different from their usual selves when they kissed the diamonds from his rings. Who has such cheap rings that their stones can be removed by a kiss? 10. Mother Gothel (Tangled, 2011)

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Mother Gothel goes in at number 10 for several reasons. Who steals a baby? I should also put the parents in here because who, as a King and Queen of a kingdom, doesn't have a thousand people searching everywhere for that baby? Secondly, she frames Eugene by tying him to a boat and pushing him away in the hopes he doesn't untangle himself (see what I did there?!). Lastly, she just point blank lives her lies. Who can keep that up for so long?!9. Jafar (Aladdin, 1992)

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Jafar hits the list pretty much in the middle. He is a great villain, but he is a snake. Literally. He also makes other people do his dirty work, so he is lazy. He must spend all his time styling that teeny tiny beard of his and then run out of energy. And, honestly, Iago is funnier than him. Not sorry.8. Cruella De Vil (101 Dalmatians, 1961)

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Cruella is a textbook villain. She hates everyone and everything and her name is literally devil. You can't get more obvious that that, I don't know how Anita didn't see it. If she put less money into dying her hair two different colour and chain smoking all day, she might actually get somewhere. 7. Maleficent (Sleeping Beauty, 1959)

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Maleficent kind of did everyone a favour by letting them sleep for a stupid amount of time, I could do with that sort of curse. She struts into the palace like she owns the place, complaining that she didn't get an invite, which clearly she didn't get for a reason, and then acts shocked when no one wants her there. Take the hint! She is another one with a ridiculously annoying high collar. What is it with these villains and their odd clothing choices?6. Captain Hook (Peter Pan, 1953)

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Captain Hook would have landed higher on the list if he was nicer to Mr Smee, who clearly just wants an easy life. I feel like he compensates for something with his flamboyantly outrageous hat. I also reckon he uses that hook to pick that massive nose of his. That is a skill and a half. 5. Ursula (The Little Mermaid, 1989)

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Ursula is another great villain. She is sneaky, bold and oh so modest. She relies ever so less on her sidekicks than the other villains do, admirable at the very least. And, come on, she has the best song in the whole film. If I could go from the big blob I am to transforming into a skinny, good looking girl I would be pretty chuffed with it too.4. The Queen of Hearts (Alice in Wonderland, 1951)

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I admire the Queen of Hearts, she does stuff her way and chops off the heads of people who annoy her. And she had a quaint little King of Hearts to run around doing the job for her. Excellent. Anyone who can play croquet using a dodo as a stick has my vote. She demands respect and she gets it!3. Gaston (Beauty and the Beast, 1992)

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If we are all honest, we used to fancy Gaston a little bit. Hell, in the new live action I even fancy him now. He gets all the ladies and he knows it. He is determined, confident and cunning. It is very much a shame when he plummets to his death. 2. Yzma (The Emperor's New Groove, 2001)

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Yzma may be cuter as a little purple kitten, but you can't deny she is one of the funniest villains. Her great moments go from pulling the lever to playing with the skipping rope. Having said that, another high collar! 1. Hades (Hercules, 1997)

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Hades is the ultimate Disney villain. He is hilariously sarcastic, says it like it is and definitely has the most entertaining sidekicks. Hades has some of the best lines of all Disney villains and is easily the most relatable! And he is on fire. Literally. What can I say? It's good to be bad.

Wednesday, July 18, 2018

I constantly get asked why I love Disney, why I go to Disney World so much, why I don't go other places? More commonly, I get told Disney is for kids and I am sad for going so much. Well, you are wrong.There are no words to describe that feeling of first seeing the Castle in Magic Kingdom, smelling the smells in Spaceship Earth, seeing the floating mountains of Pandora or that first drop on Tower of Terror. Disney is an escape. The second you cross under that archway it is like everything else melts away. No one else matters. It is like my pupils suddenly go Mickey shaped. Disney is the one place I feel happy, safe and secure. It is like a comfort blanket and nothing will beat that massive hug from Mickey Mouse.

Watching little girls in their Princess dresses meeting their idols they never thought they would see in person, watching the smiles of everyone at that point in Happily Ever After where Tinker Bell flies or thanking the phoenicians on Spaceship Earth.

Explaining why you love Disney World to someone who has never been is no easy task. They have never watched the fireworks, done the 4 parks, 1 day challenge or ridden Flight of Passage. Disney definitely isn't lying when they say it is the Happiest Place on Earth. I challenge anyone to go there and not smile the whole time. Why do I go back so much? No two trips are ever the same. Disney is constantly opening new lands and attractions. I only went last September and there is already a whole new land that I haven't seen yet. I could do the exact same things on every trip and yet it would still feel different. There are still things I haven't done yet or seen yet. There is a whole new land opening next year (yay for Star Wars) and then things opening throughout the next couple of years. I probably won't be going back until 2021 for the 50th anniversary so everything is open, but I could go every year and still find something different.

Is Disney for kids? Probably. Do I still love everything about it? Definitely. Disney turns you into a big kid. You will see people walking around in their Minnie Mouse ears, rocking the vibrant Disney t-shirts; adults will wave at characters in the parades and cry at the shows and fireworks. There is still so much I need to explore, from new hotels and experiences to discovering new Hidden Mickey's and photo spots. Why don't I go to other places? I do! I love travelling, but Disney will always be my go-to holiday destination. I love finding a new country or city to visit, but nowhere ever feels as magical as that big old mouse. Disney means something different to everyone. To me, it is home.

Sunday, July 08, 2018

1. There is no better relationship than Dani and Jack's.2. It appears there are only 5 different types of boys. The "new" boys looked just like the "old" boys.3. I still don't understand thong bikinis. They just look very uncomfortable and they are always picking them out of their asses. 4. I need to do more squats.5. Megan changes her man more than I change my bed sheets.6. A lot of these girls are very insecure and I am glad to see it isn't just me. 7. Laura needs to calm her tits.

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8. I need to go to the gym.9. Plastic surgery is more common than I thought.10. Some boys take longer to get ready than I do. 11. People get way too serious way too quickly.12. Girls can be so nasty to each other. I say this after I just insulted Megan. Whoops.13. I need more tattoos.14. Georgia is great and deserves better.15. Suncream is very important - see Dr Alex.

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16. Danny Dyer naming his child Dani Dyer is still the best thing to happen ever.17. Grace not making conversation with Alex was so very painful to watch.18. Ellie is not a very nice person. Nor are her extensions. 19. Not all guys treat girls like crap. Yes, Adam was bad, but look how nice Jack is!20. Sometimes the most attractive guys aren't so muscly. Bring on the dad bod! 21. I need to whiten my teeth. Badly. 22. Kendall and Niall left way too soon.23. ITV were so mean to Dani when New Ellie came in.24. Jack's teeth are whiter than the sun.

Friday, July 06, 2018

Ever feel like you have suddenly walked into a brick wall, bashed your head so hard that you have been dazed and taken a minute or so to gain your composure, and often your mind, back again? Well, this is me right now. But instead of a brick wall, I am running fast and strong into that massive wall that is life.

I have recently been watching Jane the Virgin (I recommend it, it is great!). Jane is prone to romanticising things; thinking the world is perfect; looking at things through rose-tinted glasses, putting her all into everything and everyone. I was wondering why I was getting into this show so quickly considering I am not a big TV person.

Then it hit me (common theme here). That is me. I romanticise things.

I spent so long focussing on the positives, or in some circumstances, trying to find or forcing positives than I did acknowledging the negatives, or flaws.

This stands for everything from my lifestyle, my previous relationship, my work life. Everything.

I think my current "situation" - this makes it sound so ominous but I have no other way or referring to it - has made me realise that I need to take those rose-tinted glasses off, throw them away and put on my big girl specs.

I long for that life where everything is perfect. I long to love and be loved. I want the life you see in a film.

Well, let's face it. That is never going to happen. Sure, I will get parts of that. Or at least I hope I will. But there will be speed bumps, hurdles and brick walls. This is one of them.

I have spent months feeling angry, bruised and lost. I too am one of those people who puts their all into everything. I put my all into the last 2 years; into my relationship, my house and my life.

It didn't work out.

So what?

Why should I feel misplaced, tossed aside and angry when I should feel empowered, strong and determined?

Those rose-tinted glasses are well and truly in the bin. My big girl specs are super glued to my head and will stay there.

Monday, July 02, 2018

Why, haven't you changed. Are you shorter? No, of course not. You are skinnier. I am jealous. I would like to lose some weight right now. But it will happen when I want it to and that's OK.So, things aren't too great right now. But, you are a lot stronger now than what you were. You have been through a lot and that probably won't change. You are thankful for the lessons you learned and the mistakes you made. You will most definitely not stop being ambitious. You did always want to do the next thing. Well, that hasn't stopped. I think it has actually gotten worse. You still want to walk before you can crawl. It's a good trait. It will get you places. Your self confidence has been knocked a bit. Based on previous experience of you now, that will come back. You are a tough cookie. You can't always be perfect. You are far from perfect. But you will learn to love the things you hate now. Let it out. Don't keep things in. Remember how you are right now? Not talking about things, acting strong, pretending you don't need help? Ask for help. It is going to take something big, like things have now, but you don't have to do everything alone. It's alright to say you are struggling. You will always struggle with something; whether that be your mental health, your confidence, your lifestyle balance. Just say.Don't worry so much about what other people think of you. You can't make everyone love you, not matter how hard you try. You won't get on with everyone and that is OK. You will fall out with people, they will fall out with you. There are always going to be reasons for that. Accept them. Move on.It's OK to be different. In any way. You go ahead and wear those Mickey Mouse shoes. Don't let anyone, especially a man, tell you that you can't.Keep pushing and don't give up. I can tell you that giving up will get you nowhere. Whether that is in your work, school, university, friendships or relationships. You keep pushing for what you want. It will be worth it. You are not fat. Sure, you are a little chubby and probably overweight., but don't examine yourself in a mirror every five minutes. Don't cry silently in the changing room when a "normal" size doesn't fit you. It is just a number. You will make yourself proud. You will make your family proud. Forgive, but don't forget. Don't hold on to that grudge, it isn't worth it. Be Elsa and let it go. But don't forget that someone hurt you. You will value that later on. Finally, for the love of god, have fun! You will never be this young again, you will never have this much financial freedom, lack of responsibility or opportunity. Embrace it. Have a laugh. Do stupid things, you have time later on to be serious about everything. Enjoy your life whilst you have it because life is short. You have no idea when it might be taken away.