FIFA this, FIFA that…………

The story of the week, one that has taken up a ridiculous amount of air-time (the whole of TV news 2 days running), is the corruption scandal at FIFA.

Really?

This has been common knowledge for years so why the big indaba right now? We all know the FIFA means ‘fee for this’, fee for that’. I must have been at least two world cups ago that Blatter was being investigated by the Swiss fiscals for hanky-panky. Now Blatter (which in army speak is ‘drunk’) announces that he has investigated himself and finds himself unimpeachable. A couple of naughty boys have been sent to the bench for being guilty of being found out. ‘Crisis; what crisis?’ says B. He must have been reading Harold MacMillan’s memoirs. Well, the sponsors are beginning to think there is.

Why is so much of world sport run by elderly overweight crooks who couldn’t lay straight in bed? We have football, F1 motor racing, and the world champs the IOC, to name but the most blatant.

F1 seems to be run by rich and dodgy geriatrics who couldn’t drive a pig to market.

Cricket at the international level is hugely tainted by betting scams by Indian bookies and cheating players. We have still to hear the outcome of last year’s scandal with the Pakistanis. The International Cricket Council is changing the rules to make it almost impossible for minnows to get in the swim, so after all the effort and sacrifice made by the Afghan team to get a place in the world cup they are now likely to be sent off. The English team seems to be run by numpties who two years running have started the season early and in the two wettest venues.

But just wait for the Olympics. There are already ructions over the arcane ticketing process. We are told that the number of officials and hangers-on freeloading their way into the Games would fill a stadium and certainly all the best hotels in central London. Then we have the ‘Zil lanes’ on the roads from which all traffic will be banned except for the big-shots, including one running all the way to Weymouth on the south coast for the sailing events. I suspect that this might cause an outbreak of ‘up yours’ from the motoring public. And it will be a criminal offence for any small shopkeeper to display an advert at his shop for a competitor to one of the sponsors, so get that Pepsi sign down, Mr Patel.

And there are plans to make the whole of South East England a ‘no-fly’ zone that will not affect commercial traffic but will ground all general aviation, including week-end flyers and flying schools, for the whole of the summer. What is this in aid of? Is the IOC worried that Al Qaeda will bomb the events from Piper Cubs and Tiger Moths? And who will pay the compensation – if any – for the loss of revenue by the businesses that rely on summer use of planes and airfields for their income? The IOC or the English taxpayer?

A couple of Brussels sprouts: Do you think that the EU boss Mr Rumpy-pumpy and the foreign affairs gauleiter, ‘Baroness’ Ashton, were chosen for their looks or because they are totally useless?