The way people approach seemingly small disagreements about food reveals a
lot about the way they approach life, and whether or not they’re additive or
subtractive thinkers.

Here’s how the Southern Sweet Potato Wars played out.

My friend Shellie was about to spend her first holiday with her new husband’s
family. It was a second marriage for both of them. Shellie had two children so
she was used to hosting her own holidays. But this year, they were going to be
part of the husband’s family tradition.

Every the gracious guest, and excellent cook, she called to ask what she
could contribute. She offered to make her grandmother’s favorite stuffing
recipe. No, she was told, “We don’t do stuffing, we do dressing.”

OK, then how about a sweet potato soufflé? She had a great recipe with a
carmel glaze on top. No, one of the sisters always makes one with marshmallows.

The attempts went on until Shellie gave up. There was not one single thing
she could add to the dinner. You can imagine how welcome she felt.

Another example of how subtractive thinking puts a barrier between you and
other people.

How hard would it have been for the mother-in-law to say, “Great, we’ll have
two kinds of stuffing and sweet potatoes this year?”

I don’t know about you, but I have yet to attend a holiday dinner where
people complained about too much food.

But subtractive thinkers assume that new traditions and ideas will detract
from their plans and traditions.

“Let’s go here” or “Can I bring this?” is often interpreted as an assault on
the original plan, rather than adding to it.

Additive thinkers take the opposite approach. The more ideas, the better. Got
a new tradition you want to add? Great, we’ll work it in. We can do Hannakah and
Festivus this year.

Do you have some suggestions for improving our processes? Fabulous, we’re
always looking to make things even better.

Additive thinkers like their own ideas, but they’re also open to additional
perspectives.

Subtractive thinkers interpret new ideas as an attack on their own. They
don’t just like their ideas and traditions, they’re emotionally attached them
and will defend them against all potential interlopers.

If you’re reeling at the horror of Shellie offering to bring marshmallow-
less sweet potatoes to a holiday dinner, it might be a sign that you could be a
bit more subtractive in your own thinking.

And, dare I say it, if someone extends a holiday greeting to you that doesn’t
match your ethnic or religious views, just go with it. They’re not attacking
your tradition, they’re just trying to enjoy their own.

It’s a big planet. There’s more than enough room for all the good will, sweet
potatoes and stuffing that anyone wants to bring to the party. Peace on Earth.

Business strategist Lisa Earle McLeod is President of McLeod & More, Inc. a
consulting firm that specializes in sales force and leadership development. A
sought after keynote speaker she is the author of The Triangle of Truth, a
Washington Post Top 5 Business Book for Leaders.www.TriangleofTruth.comCopyright
2011 Lisa Earle McLeod. All rights reserved.