Stains

‘The only shame is not living a life.’I don’t have the strength right now.

‘You don’t have to be so irritable all the time.’There are bigger problems with me right now, and I can’t relax.

‘You’re only this age once, better get out there and enjoy it while you can.’I don’t have the strength right now, and it doesn’t matter anyway, because this age isn’t that great.

‘Don’t be scared of making mistakes – that’s how you learn.’People’s words linger and hurt sometimes, so I stopped trying and thought I couldn’t do anything.

‘Get up. Stop being such a recluse.’I can’t.

‘Why are you doing that?’Because you told me I couldn’t do that other thing.

‘You’ve only got yourself to blame.’I’ve listened to everyone else but myself.

‘It’s your own fault.’I haven’t had the courage to listen to myself.

‘Why don’t you get off that computer and talk to someone in real life for once.’Because it’s the only place I can feel like I have the opportunity to be myself.

‘Stop being weird.’I am like this for a reason.

‘We all went together.’There goes more people, living life without me.

‘You should have come with us.’I’m too much of a waste of time.

‘That guy’s an asshole.’I’m not an asshole, I promise.

‘Are you sure you want to do this?’
No, I am not sure of anything.

‘Stop dwelling on the past.’It’s the only thing I can try and understand.

‘What’s happened has happened.’Yes but I don’t understand it.

‘Talk to your parents, talk to your friends.’They seem like part of the problem.

‘Don’t push your friends away, include them in your life.’Yeah, but I don’t have the strength to keep up with them. I’m sorry.

‘You know you’ll end up alone if you carry on like this.’I know.

‘It will be alright, it worked out for me.’How?

‘The world isn’t that bad.’It actually is. People are so rude, and so ignorant.

‘You expect too much from others and you need to rely on yourself.’I know and they let me down every time, and, funny that because, you always insinuate that I should listen to you. You don’t give me the power to rely on myself. Because you take that power away from me. Like you like to do all the time.

‘People will live their own lives.’And make others suffer because of it.

‘You just never listen.’You don’t have a good track record of great advice.

‘You can come out of your room now.’You’re asking me to spend time with you rather than volunteering to make time with me? I need my space and that’s why I stay in my room. I know that if I come out, I’ll be subjected to conversation that is half assed, dishonest, hollow, ignorant, ill-thought, pointless, stupendously tangential, and un-sagacious.

‘Can you do this for me please?’Can you please explain why everything’s so different now and why you were so cruel to give everything and then take it away?

‘You can’t control everything, it’s just a waste of time trying to.’Yet you seem to get a rush out of manipulating me into listening to you so that you feel like you have control over your own life.

‘Life is good.’No it is not and that is a lie. I can hear it in your voice. It sounds like you’re saying it to someone else for someone else.

‘I’m in a good place now.’Lying again. You know that isn’t true.

‘Stop being so cynical.’I’m sorry, I’ve just had every fond memory pulled out from underneath my feet and soiled like wine on a children’s play rug. I though it was all true.

‘Things aren’t really that bad.’They feel like they are.

‘Are you depressed?’Yeah, I think I might be.

‘How does stuff like that happen?’I don’t know, I think I could explain it to you but I think you might not ever understand.

‘It’s such a bizarre thing that happens out of nowhere.’Not really, I could explain it to you but I don’t think you’d get it.

‘How does stuff like this happen?!’I don’t have the energy to explain, but it started a long time ago.

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