Cynics Corner
Preview of the Seventh Season

[Editors note: As regular readers might know, I am a participant in several Usenet
newsgroups, and Cynics Corner Reviews are just one of many things I post. I have
periodically posted to groups like rec.arts.sf.tv something I call "Cynics Corner
Previews" of upcoming episodes, usually in response to a press release or some other
Paramount propaganda. For once, I thought I'd repost one of them here.]

There's an
interesting article at Trek Today,
specifically at this
location, regarding a UPN presentation about Voyager's seventh season,
apparently shown when UPN announced its fall schedule in mid-May. UPN entertainment
president Tom Nunan introduced the presentation with the following comments. I've taken
the liberty of running them through the Cynics Corner Translation
Matrix to see what they really mean:

"Viewers will flock to Voyager this season for a multitude of reasons."

Translation: "Viewers will flock to shows other than Voyager
this season, as in previous seasons"

"First, we kick off the year resolving this season's cliffhanger."

"We kick off the year pulling a resolution out of the
posterier, the writers having written themselves into a corner yet again."

"Second, we're planning a host of stars to promote the show's final season."

"Wrestlers and jiggle queens will be used to promote the
show's final season."

"Many actors and personalities are eager to appear on the series before it concludes,
as The Rock and Jason Alexander have done for us in the past."

"Marina Sirtis still hasn't found other work."

"Third, a two-hour movie is planned for November sweeps, and whenever we air Voyager
two-hour events, they perform a good 30% over and above Voyager's series
averages."

"Voyager's ratings are crummy, and we know that
only cheap stunts will raise them to barely a mediocre level."

"Lastly, viewers will seek out Voyager as the question that hangs over the
entire season's run: 'Will Voyager find her way back home?'"

"Viewers will avoid Voyager like the plague as the
question hangs over them: 'Is that still on the air?'"

"The answer, of course, will be provided in a giant series finale, airing in next
May's sweeps."

"The show will peter out, resolving little if anything in a
giant series finale"