To the Mystery Shopper Who Paid it Forward and Made a Fashion Statement

It’s the Holy Grail for women. Finding clothes that flatter your body is a quest that never ends. Short-waisted, long-waisted, big bust, small bust. We’ve all got issues. We get older and the issues just evolve. Or more accurately, expand.

The years add pounds and inches exponentially. And it doesn’t help that I had two mastectomies due to breast cancer and my reconstruction failed.

Oh, yeah, shopping is such fun when you’re both flabby and a flattie. My current issues include no breasts, ribs that protrude, underarm flab, a muffin top that sticks out further than my chest. And that’s just the issues above the waist.

12 years since I gave up wearing fake boobs, I’m an expert on flat top fashion. I can walk into a store and zero in on clothes that will work: loose tops, waterfall cardigans, shawl collars.

This was an unappreciated skill until I joined Flat and Fabulous, a group of women who all face the same challenge. Members post pictures on Facebook of what they wear, vintage finds, looks that work.

They will find it hard to top my recent fashion foray at the Eileen Fisher store in Los Angeles.

A woman (who I’ll call Tara and who is way too young to be an Eileen Fisher customer) is at the counter ahead of me. That’s how I learn about a program called Green Eileen: the company will buy any used item for $5 and recycle or resell it.

Tara’s boss has sent her in with an enormous shopping bag filled with Eileen Fisher. The boss lost a lot of weight and her clothes are now too large. (The poor woman, right? Let’s not even go there.)

Anyway Tara is lifting items out of the bag to show Anna, the sales associate at the register. And that’s when I spy the black short-sleeved sweater with sparkly thread, barely worn, perfect for southern California and my long list of issues.

Now this is not Filene’s Basement or Goodwill or Best Buy on Black Friday; this is an upscale boutique a few doors away from the Ivy, a celebrity favorite restaurant. I consider the potential embarrassment (briefly) before I ask to try it on. The fit is perfect.

But my offer to buy (even in a multiple of $5) presents a dilemma, since the sweater doesn’t belong to the store or to Tara. It belongs to the mysterious, unseen, thin boss.

Tara is very professional. She gets her boss on the phone, describes my desire to shop her closet (by now I’ve picked out not just one but two sweaters), and explains that I’m not a suspicious character, but a survivor seeking a solution.

The boss makes an immediate executive decision. She tells Tara to tell me to donate the money I offered her to a breast cancer charity.

It’s a done deal.

I chose Metavivor, which allocates 100% of its donations directly toward research for Stage IV breast cancer, the only breast cancer that kills. Those women have far more serious issues than fashion, and this research is desperately needed but typically ignored by other charities.

I wanted to thank her personally, but I never did learn the name of Tara’s boss, or what she does. All I know about her is that even if she isn’t fashion forward, she is forward-thinking.

So thank you, Mystery Shopper, for paying it forward, and making a fashion statement that’s a win/win/win for everyone.

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Comments

I live in La Jolla, down the coast from you. I have a closet full of Eileen Fisher clothes, too. I spent all of 2013, and 2014 in hospitals and doctors offices, battling metastatic breast cancer. I was so interested in your article here about clothes to wear, and more important, I would love to know why your reconstruction did not work?

I had bi-lateral mastectomy, and many complications, mostly with the plastic surgeon assigned to me. He made mistakes, and did not fill the “spacers” evenly, to stretch the skin. After radiation, he was ready to do the reconstruction. It came out horrible!!!! I am so disappointed that one side is much smaller than the other. The other side has a big “ploop” of fatty tissue sticking out under my arm. The radiated side is, of course, discolored, and a large red area of tiny capillaries is under the
breast area, and very ugly. This doctor, after a year of waiting, refused to make nipples, when he had
promised he would do that, and make me look normal. What a laugh! Now he refused, saying my radiated skin might get infected, and he would than have to do the whole reconstruction procedure all over again.
He said, “here”. He handed me a card of a tattoo artist, and dismissed me from his office–for good.
I was very disappointed at the time. I did not like the work of the tattoo artist, so decided to do nothing.
I was really tired of doctors offices after going through this daily for over 2 years. So, now I am concentrating on the positive aspects: I never have to wear a bra again! hooray!!; I can wear a tight t shirt, and not worry about nipples showing through! Big plus. Also, I went from a size 38 C to a size double minus A. I look thinner, more streamlined, and look better in my clothes. I buy patterns in tops and blouses, which take attention away from the flat chest. I will find a better man, this way, because the man who will love me in this condition has got to be a gem!!!
Thanks for making this forum, for all us survivors. We do appreciate you.

Thanks so much, Carol, for sharing your experience. Sorry to hear about the negative aspects but you have surely done an amazing job concentrating on the positive aspects! It comes through in your words. Some of the bonuses you mention are the same things I was hoping to come from smaller perkier breasts after cancer.

Which didn’t happen, of course. To explain: I was too thin at the time (if only that was true now!) for anything other than implants, and after a few months of constant discomfort from the implants, one side turned bright red. My docs tried everything, and assumed it was an infection. Finally they removed the implants and found out my body had just rejected them.
Over the years I considered reconstruction but very briefly. I’ve been happy remaining flat; and recently I’m finding many women making the same decision. I don’t think it’s as big a deal for men as women think, at least not for most men. And I’m also lucky I found a gem. I hope you will also, thanks again for commenting and sharing.