Posted Dec 28, 2011

Now that Christmas is over, I hope all you Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies are ready for the New Years. If you have not already put together your New Year resolutions, I hope you will work on them now. Personally, I think it is important for everyone to have their goals all worked out before they ring in the New Years for the simple reason that if you don’t have a destination mapped out at the beginning of your journey, you will end up wandering aimlessly. For those of us who have not achieved everything we wanted to in 2011, it is now the opportunity to plan out where you want to end up this time next year.

Speaking of goals for the new year, I am sure some of you are eager to find the perfect sugar relationship in 2012. Obviously, the ideal Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby arrangement differs from person to person, but I am certain no one wants to end up in a bad sugar arrangement. Our blog post this week is about the bad and the ugly of sugar breakups, and what can be done about them.

In my “Guide to Seeking Arrangement” book, I dedicated an entire chapter to what happens “When the Sugar Sours”. Breakups in normal relationships can usually get quite nasty because most people start their relationship without thinking of what happens if they were to break-up. But who can blame them? A majority of people enter into matrimony without a prenuptial agreement. No one wants to take a leap of faith into a new relationship while at the same time think about the different “what if it fails” scenarios. But it’s those couples who have a prenuptial agreement who end up having the most cordial divorce. Unfortunately, it is the idealistic couples who decided true love should never be governed by a prenuptial agreement who often end up in nasty court battles over assets, or parental rights.

Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies who have been in successful arrangements know it is important to discuss “different breakup” scenarios up front (much like a prenuptial agreement), so when things end, everyone can leave happy. However, there is usually a fine line between love and hatred, so the sweetest sugar union can also mean the most hurtful if things don’t work out.

Earlier this month, I was asked to be an expert witness on the Swift Justice show about a court case between a Seeking Arrangement Sugar Daddy member and two Sugar Babies. In this case, the sugar relationship did not work out, and in revenge the two Sugar Babies vandalized the Sugar Daddy’s car. Judge Jackie Glass, the same Las Vegas judge who sent O.J. Simpson to prison, presided over the case. For those of you who are interested, here is the video clip of the case:

I am obviously not happy about this episode of Swift Justice for many reasons. First, I do not think the Sugar Daddy or the two Sugar Babies are a good representation of what being a Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby is all about. Second, while there are many things wrong with the relationship the Sugar Daddy and the two Sugar Babies have, I completely disagree with the outcome of the case.

No matter how a Judge may feel about “sugar relationships”, he or she is required to judge the case in an unbiased manner based on the facts of the case. And while the Sugar Daddy member did do many things that were “questionable” or over-reaching (such as writing a letter to the parents of the Sugar Babies), based entirely on the facts alone he should have won the case. The two girls did after-all admit to vandalizing his car because they wanted revenge.

I have been asked many times by some Sugar Daddy and Sugar Baby members about how they should resolve their sugar disputes or sugar disagreements. Based on the Swift Justice episode above, my recommendation is to think twice before you choose to bring your case in front of the whole Nation on Judge Judy or Judge Joe Brown. It is obvious these day-time television show doesn’t work the same way a normal courtroom does, and the outcome of any case is influenced more by public opinion or show ratings than they are by the law and the true facts of the case. So if not a public forum, what should you do when you get into a sugar dispute?

Here are my recommendations:

Prevention is better than cure: The best way to deal with any dispute or disagreement is to prevent it from getting ugly. Before taking drastic actions, take some time off to cool down your emotions, then revisit the issue with reason and rationale.

Take action if a crime has been committed: Because many Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies live in the closet, they may choose to keep quiet when they have been taken advantage of. If a crime has been committed against you, don’t be afraid of stepping up and taking action by reporting the crime to law enforcement. By doing so, you will not only be helping yourself, but also others who may have fallen victim if you had done nothing.

Take your case to the small claims court: If your disagreement involves financial damages, consider bringing your case to a civil small claims court where you are more likely to find a judge that will rule based on facts and laws.

What are your New Year’s Resolution for 2012?

What do you think of the Swift Justice case? Do you think Judge Julie Glass made the right decision?

Have you been in a Sugar Dispute?

What advice would you give to fellow Sugars on how they should deal with their Sugar Disagreements?

Leave a Reply

Deja Vusays:

I’ve just had a conversation with Brandon about being required to use an IP address from the same region as my registered address because I’m an SB applicant and not an SD/SM and apparently for ‘security purposes’ only the SB/SM’s are allowed to use different zones for their registered and !P adds. That is, I live and work in two countries and choose to register my main US address and join/login from wherever, but he says this constitutes a security risk since I’m an SB whereas if I were an SD/SM this would be allowed…so my account was deleted for ‘fraud’ and I have to wait till I’m back Stateside to apply again. I’d like to here the opinions of some SD/SMs on this. My take on the matter is, simply flag the SB account to notify ‘donors’ that registered add and IP are different global zones and they can then simply ask for an explanation of this..if they smell a fish, end. I apologise to the gentleman from West Palm Beach (561) whom I was unable to answer because I was deleted. I don’t put your nickname so as to be discrete. Happy hunting all and let Brandon and I hear your opinions.

What are your New Year’s Resolution for 2012?

Be a better person

What do you think of the Swift Justice case? Do you think Judge Julie Glass made the right decision?

In a word: Awful. This mishap aside, being that the lady made O.J. accountable for SOMETHING, she holds a soft spot in my heart.

Have you been in a Sugar Dispute?
Yes. He said something insulting. I headed towards the door. Made no eye contact, not a word left my lips.

He stopped me and asked me to please stay. Asked my why I was upset. I told him what he said which was blatantly rude and disrespectful. He denied it. “Didn’t recall saying it.” (OK Bill Clinton) Said I imagined it. Then after about 20 minutes of a childish waste of my time he said “I’m sorry.” I said, “Thank You. Now was an apology so hard after all?” He says “no.” I say “I respect you and your opinion, so when you say something mean it hurts my feelings.” Then I headed towards the bed and said, “Listen, young man, you have some serious making up to do.” We had really good sex a few more times during the night and I left in the morning. When I was leaving I said,”Im sorry for all of this.” He said “I’m sorry too.” I never initiate contact with men, and I hope to hear from him again.

What advice would you give to fellow Sugars on how they should deal with their Sugar Disagreements?

Treat them as you would treat a friend, family, or loved one. Respect and consideration go a long way. Communicate as best you can, listen, let things cool down…and hope for the best!

What advice would you give to fellow Sugars on how they should deal with their Sugar Disagreements?

Rwberksays:

Thank you Chloe, thoughts and comments and comments are appreciated from those who have a sound mind and understand how television works. No wonder they came up with Nickolodeon for these folks who are posting on here. haha Amazes me that seemingly educated people lack the very fundamental character of reason and rationale techniques, to which they haven’t a clue the extent of the relationship that transpired prior to that appearance. And yes my experience in this life is broad and has entailed some fabulous experiences. I wouldn’t trade them back for anything. That suit was never about money people, it was about principle. What part of that is so hard to understand? Thank you all for your feedback. This was my last post, I’m happily involved with a beautiful college girl who doesn’t even sip wine and we are off to Banff for a ski trip this week.
Ciao

THIS IS TERRIBLE AND EMBARRASSING, i just can not believe this…there should not be a big problem between the sd and sb… that’s what boyfriends are for!

Samanthasays:

@Chloe- I have to disagree about your opinion on the SD, I don’t know how far you’ve been reading but he replied back many times with his smug attitude that I’m the all knowing and professional experienced SD. He has instead of accepting yes he made a bad decision on deciding to go on tv for a measly $1000 (which if his finances figure out then he should have been able to write it off but wanted to teach the girls a lesson) and embarrassed the website instead and also did an unforgivable act of getting the girls parents involved. In a parent’s eyes no matter how you put it all they see is a form of prostitution.

Bottom line if he was so experienced and smart then he wouldn’t have gotten his dumb ass in that mess in the first place. When someone starts using drugs its apparent to see from a mile away. When someone isn’t able to stay at their own parent’s house then there’s a code word for that “DRAMA” and the smart SD’s stay for away from it. Haha no surprise this one didn’t.

jessiejosays:

I just want to say a few things, I just joined this sight a few days ago. I did.t read all the comments cause theres so many, but thank you for saying everything. I learned a lot reading what I did. I am an SB but everyone here taught me a lot. Thank you.

Chloesays:

I am appalled by the cavalier attitude of the young ladies in this video clip. As the sister of many brothers, I can not tolerate women using faux domestic complaints as revenge. Accusing a man of rape is a serious claim. How sad if he was falsely convicted of rape. He would have carried around a criminal record of sexual offender for the rest of his life.

Also, this puritan, holier than thou attitude the Judge has disturbs me. She allowed her own personal opinion of the SD’s lifestyle dictate the law. At no point did I see the SD disrespect the Judge or the courthouse, but rather the childish behavior of the two girls spoke volumes of their maturity, or lack thereof. There was no reason to chastise the SD they way she did. SMH…

Please disregard my recent shoutout to the gods 😉 Got it!!

Nicosays:

Thank you Midwest ~ I have nothing more to add 😉

Midwest SBsays:

Rwberk – Nico is a stunning, intelligent woman. Many on this blog hold multiple and/or advanced degrees, have succeeded in business and in life, and perhaps may even be the descendants of Roman gods (tongue in cheek there). If you spent less time talking about yourself, I’m sure you would recognize the amazing blend of perspectives you were blessed to encounter.

If you feel like leaving this subject and moving on to the next, there is a new blog.

Nico – There is no need to defend to the masses about my choice to go on that show. Most of those folks are uneducated or unemployed and wouldn’t have the capacity to look beyond the entertainment factor. Surely you knew that when you were writing your prose about “how I might defend my actions”. I graduated with a BS in Business, I understand you’re an educated man. But from one to another I think its important to know that I’ve always believed in the premise of being accountable. I disagreed with the judge that the girls were “minors” and shouldn’t be drinking. I had no control over their choices to drink. Liquid courage is part of what we do gentleman, wouldn’t be a surprise, I”m sure we can all agree with that.

AnonymousSBsays:

Hi Ex SB, I think I know how you feel.. Your boyfriend don’t know the real you and you have to constantly hide this personality and your past. Sometimes, when I look back on the things I’ve done.. I feel dirty and sinful. I give in to temptation easily. I know I’m greedy, lustful and a liar but I hide them so well that I’ve forgotten I have ever done all that in the eyes of my partner my family and I.

To make up for the guilt, I now try to give more to my boyfriend, to be there for him and stop cheating on him… I’d also give to a beggar whenever I see one.. I compartmentalise my life considerably well but there are days where I look back and shudder at the awful experiences I had. Worst if you’ve caught a random virus from someone.. Life is hard.. We gotta keep moving on….. I still cheat on my bf even when he is providing for me sufficiently.. But I am one who cannot stop being unfaithful and I’ve came to a point where anything goes. I want adventure, the lifestyle and I am sexually lustful so it’s been difficult for me to stop sinning..

Wish I could be of more help.

@EX-SB

You are asking a very important question. Your post deserves a lot of attention, and I know the SBs will be glad to provide some really good responses.

The challenge is that Brandon just posted a new Blog topic, and everyone is shifting over to that one. Chances are, most of the SBs that you would like to answer won’t even see your post. I really recommend that you re-post your question on that thread.

My thoughts… Nearly everyone has had a period in their life where they have made decisions that they would not make again. It’s not unique to SBs. SDs, family men, pastors, nuns, etc, nearly everyone has had a phase they wouldn’t repeat.

The question is how you handle that. You can let the regret eat you up. But that doesn’t serve any purpose. It only cripples and paralyzes you.

I think the best way to look at it is this way. The fact that you would not make those same decisions today is evidence that you have changed from the person that you were then. You have learned, and you have grown. Maybe the decisions that you regret helped you learn the lessons you needed to learn to become the person that you are today. If you like the person that you are today better than the person you were then, isn’t it rational to be thankful for the events that helped you to grow? Even the bad ones?

Wishing you the very best as you tackle this difficult issue… My heart really goes out to you. And please, repost on the new blog topic. I know others wiser than me will have good advice as well.

Va Gentlemansays:

@EX-SB

Your feeling guilt is natural when stepping out on a loving partner –particularly when you apparently love him . I totally understand your desire to experience others before settling down and it is emotionally safer for you to have done so before marriage than after . You got away with it and life should be good –right ?

Your options are three : 1) forget about the past and continue to allow time to do it’s magic . Don’t beat yourself up anymore . It was hopefully an awesome experience and your SO is none the wiser , and you probably learned things that will make you a better and more interesting wife . 2) Get counselling and work on your guilt ; 3) confess to the boyfriend and ask his forgiveness .

My advice is to take option # 1 and 2 . Get someone to help you work through your guilt feelings and be very grateful that your guy did not find out what went on . If you fess up that will probably be the end of your relationship because of the vastness of your infidelity and the total lack of truthfulness with him . A final question –are you done with other guys and do you want to be monogamous ?

DorkyGuysays:

lol! I have a new android tablet, and every time I type Nico, the spellchecker changes it to Nice. The two words are synonymous.

@DaddyGT, I sent my email address to Nico and asked if she could forward it on to you. I am glad to share the FireFox add-on with anyone who wants it, with the caveat that I have only put a few hours into it, and it is still rough.

GTdaddy
No need for you to do anything with your game (you ga plentee mon)
Anyway, don’t make light, I’ve turned seasoned ladies beet red before with cross room kisses. The key is the connection. the setup, the anticipation and the timing. She has to know that the kiss exists, she has to know what it means, she has to expect that she might receive one, then you have to wait for the perfect moment. The energy comes from the gut and the eyes and is sent for only as long as you can maintain the flow. Note It’s not as easy as it sounds. But when it works OMG neither ever forgets it..

@ BalletDancer

RUN RUN and keep RUNNING !!!
This pot SD is NOT a SD and is a disaster waiting to happen for you! I can’t stress your safety enough! I have seen this scenario (with women I have known) more time then I ever wanted and the results can border on or result in date rape. GET AWAY from him ASAP. No amount of money will get your dignity back if you continue. You are NOT that desperate so don’t act like it. Act like the lady you are and never compromise yourself. This creep wants a party ‘n play girl and probably has a series of drugs to sneak in your drink too.

EX-SBsays:

Hi everyone,

Ah, I hate to bring negativity to this wonderful forum, but I’m hoping someone can help me out with advice.

I was a member of the site for three years and used to post on this blog on and off over the first two. I met a lot of interesting men through the site; some experiences were good, some bad. I had a boyfriend all these years – he is amazing. I told myself that I want to have these experiences while I’m young and would just stop seeing SDs when he proposes (when I finish college this year).

A year ago, I had an amazing SD and traveled to see him monthly. It was during these travels that I had my first panic attack. My relationship was secret and I became paralyzed with fear that something would happen on my way back (becoming stranded, injury) that would require me to explain to my parents and my boyfriend why I was in a different state.

I got home, took it as a sign that it’s time to stop my rendezvous, and stopped all SD relationships. However, over the past year, every few months, I began having severe anxiety, based on the guilt of sleeping with more men in the past three years through the site than I have in my entire life (double digits…trial and error). I was wondering if there is anyone on the forum who has experienced guilt or anxiety and how they’ve dealt – currently or in the past.

Allisonsays:

@BalletDancer, You dont need to drink with anyone you don’t feel comfortable with. I’m of legal drinking age and I don’t drink with people I don’t know either. I’m supposed to meet up with a pot SD this week for a “drink”(their suggestion). I will have no shame ordering a ginger ale (If I even do go which is doubtful at this point).

DaddyGTsays:

@ContentSB

I am generally into petite women. 5’6 is perfect for me. Gives her incentives to wear heels too, hence my short previous girls. For all the reasons you give in your response too.

but the women you’re interested in are so tall that they’re probably used to dating men either around the same height or shorter. I say go for it

I’m not sure I’d ever go for it. Was just having a thinking out aloud session. I think there are two reasons that I have not hit on women taller than me in IRL.
1. They tend to wear flats a lot. Maybe to not scare/intimidate guys even more. I love women in heels. Plus, they don’t get enough practice in heels so the result when they do wear them, is often less than pleasing to the eye. More of a waddle, than an elegant walk. Not good.

2. They tend to slouch. I am going to sound really old fashioned, but I really, really hate bad posture in a woman. Perfect turnoff, even if she has a face like Helen of troy. Tall girls are so used to being around very short people, that their default position is stooping, or slouching. Not good.

*gawd, I sound shallow!!* But I’m among friends, so we can have these frank discussions right?

Given what you wrote holds for most people, it must be really shit being a very tall woman. Your choice of men is by definition diminished, unless you are happy to never have that ‘girly’ experience in your man’s arms.

@BalletDancer I told him I don’t feel comfortable going and getting sloshed at some club like I’m a skanky sorority girl :-/ and he sort of bulldozed over what I said, and insisted.

This does not sound like a situation with a happy ending. If he takes you to a fine enough establishment, you will be served wine with your meal with no problems. If he wants to get you sloshed at the singles’ happy hour, there could be a problem. Why is it so important to him that you get hammered? When the trust is established, and you are ready, I’m sure you won’t mind getting rat arsed with him.

@DaddyGT
I think we can all agree the majority of us active on the blog are serious. The unfortunate thing is too many are hung up on the horror stories and me first attitudes. The thing we all need to learn from each other are effective negotiation skills and trust! When do we offer the token of trust? Have the negotiations resulted in an agreement? Assuming the attraction and chemistry are fairly well established… here is a brief thought process.
Do we agree we don’t want P4P? yes. Are the the times and frequency of getting together agreeable? yes. Are the activities and travel arrangements worked out? yes. Is there going to be intimacy? yes. Now the hard part … allowance. How much? In what manner will it be offered? How often? What are the options? What does the SB need or want? TALK about it! What is the SD willing to start with? Nothing is written in stone and as things develop and trust is gained on both sides this can all grow for each. Set time lines to revisit the arrangement and ensure both are satisfied and make adjustments as you both agree. Be willing to offer more. Invest in the relationship. For me personally if I invest my time and companionship for a few months without any allowance I have made an investment (with risk) but I have proven my desire to be in the arrangement. I am now in a position where I must trust my SD to see the value of what I give him and in turn offer me an allowance. If I am covering all my own expenses I show him I am independent, reasonable and responsible. He is now able to comfortably offer enrichment by covering some of my expenses or incurring added expense for my pleasure knowing I am not going to ‘dine and dash’. Some SB may be horrified by this prospect or may be in a position where they need more immediate compensation. This is an important thing to address asap needs vs. wants. How can a SD alleviate her financial stress and in turn gain your trust. It is hard to do but is a hard cold fact that can’t be ignored. I think there needs to be some no holds barred discussion on negotiation tips and that should be a new blog topic.
Eg. SB – what can you offer? SD – 1-2 K/m. what do you need? SB – I have tuition due next month for $xxx. Can you cover that for this months allowance? SD – yes. Next month I will pay you rent, is that ok? SB – That would be perfect. Can you bye me a new dress & shoes for the fundraiser you are taking me to? SD – I would love to, will you model a few for me and let me help you pick one? SB – That would be so much fun !
… you get the idea. I personally would like to hear how SDs & SBs have worked out their arrangements so the rest of us get a better idea on how to approach this difficult stage with specific details.
…please …

oh my ….motor mouth again … sorry

ContentSBsays:

BalletDancersays:

Alright y’all.

I need some advice. I’ve been talking on and off with a pot for a while, but recently he’s gotten really pushy about wanting to help me get a fake ID so I can go out (I’m 19 and a bit of change, so well under the legal drinking age). I don’t usually drink anyway with people I don’t know very well, and I’m finding it pretty offputting that he’s being so pushy. Since when is it so hard to find somewhere to go that isn’t 21+? I told him I don’t feel comfortable going and getting sloshed at some club like I’m a skanky sorority girl :-/ and he sort of bulldozed over what I said, and insisted. I’m seeing warning signs so my inclination is to drop him like he’s hot and get outta dodge. Last thing I need is something slipped in my drink that I shouldn’t have been drinking anyway…

ContentSBsays:

@Stormcat — Oh if only all men were as romantic as you…but I suppose women would be in serious trouble then!

@DaddyGT — I’m 5’6 and don’t like dating men shorter than 5’11. It’s hard to feel feminine if I’m towering over a man. If we’re cuddling up on a couch I want him to be able to lazily drape his arm around me, and when we’re dancing or hugging I want to be able to rest my head on his shoulder. Girly things like that make height kind of non-negotiable with me. But the women you’re interested in are so tall that they’re probably used to dating men either around the same height or shorter. I say go for it

DaddyGTsays:

@StormcatKissing is done with the soul.

Such a sweet talker. I can see now why you have all the ladies here eating out of your palm. Hahaha

Note to self:: Must. Up. My. Game. Hahaha

@Classy.milf

* You want “Discreet”, not “Discrete”
* First sentence in your description … not sure I follow the grammar
* You forgot to put paragraphs to make it easier to skim through.
* Still way too wordy … edit ruthlessly.
* Remove “To be honest” … makes it sound like the rest of the profile is a lie.

DaddyGTsays:

@Classy.milfGuys …You are NOT picking up a Bar Star or hiring an escort so PLEASE get that out of your head and whatever happens will feel right with the right lady. Ladies … if you and the pot SD have covered all the formalities and you are in a position to trust him don’t feel guilty for having a natural physical attraction to him.

That, ultimately is the problem. You want to cover the formalities without making it P4P. And establishing trust with someone you’ve only met online, and a couple of times offline, is going to be very difficult in some cases. On the one hand, the guy wants to know that the attraction he feels for the girl is genuinely reciprocated, and will (albeit naturally and hopefully not too slowly) lead to intimacy when both parties are ready and comfortable. On the other hand, the girl wants to know that the guy is really attracted, in it for the relatively long haul, and will deliver fully on his arrangement commitments, before she decides to walk down that route.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of horror stories on both sides (SDs just in it for the sex and SBs just in it for the £££), that there is, fairly, a great deal of apprehension. So you end up with a standoff:

I think it was SD Guru, who wrote (either here or on his blog), that someone’s gotta blink first, and advises that it be the man that does. I agree with his advice. Guys, escalate the sugar, in lock step, but just ahead of her escalating the intimacy. That’s my style anyway, but I do go into every encounter prepared to write off all losses, with a corresponding entry in my “lessons learned” account.

Midwest SBsays:

“Kissing is done with the soul.” Amen Stormcat!

DorkyGuy – How and when can I get that addon! It’s fantastic that you could just whip that right up! Put on your pocket protector & glasses and we’ll watch Big Bang Theory while you talk tekkie to me! Love it!

Having a fun day today…hope all of you are too!

Awwww . . . Kissing . . . (mind entering dreamland, totally distracted) one of my favorite subjects! Long ago, I used to think of kissing as a prelude to sex, a means to an end, simply foreplay. I can’t really pinpoint any single moment of enlightenment but I know now that kissing is an end unto itself. Kissing seems to be done with the mouth, but not really, Kissing is done with the soul. The heart and the mind. If the moment is right and the girl is in tune, I can kiss her from clear accross the room and never move a muscle or make a sound.
Maybe sugar kissing could be the next blog topic, I’d love to hear others’ experiences and preferences.

@DorkyGuyI have built a FireFox addon module that enhances the SA and SM websites.

Do you have a GitHub or something where I can get this addon. Sounds very handy and something I would definitely be interested in.

Wow what a bunch of busy bloggers …. good reading!
My Profile is now updated (I did lighten up) and new pics added … thoughts are appreciated.
@DorkyGuy – FF functions ?? code?? huh? sounds good but I would have no idea how to add those features.
Intimacy … imo it all boils down to knowing each other, comfort levels, honesty and NO GAMES!
Guys …You are NOT picking up a Bar Star or hiring an escort so PLEASE get that out of your head and whatever happens will feel right with the right lady.
Ladies … if you and the pot SD have covered all the formalities and you are in a position to trust him don’t feel guilty for having a natural physical attraction to him. Always do what YOU are comfortable with.
Keep talking !!
Rejection is a reality and can happen at any point. Accept it and move on. Do not feel bad about ending anything but be respectful and polite.
Ok my bit is done and I do feel like a bit of a hypocrite for offering advice when I have not been a SB yet. I do think having the right attitude and approach does count for something worth sharing.

Va Gentlemansays:

RE : KISSING

I think passionate kissing is a far more intimate experience than just intercourse . There is nothing I love more (well -almost) than sitting at a stop light locking lips with my SB until the cars behind us start honking away . lol ! Those 3 minute lights are my favorite !!!!

@ NY Girl

I applaud your decision to take your profile down with a SD in the picture . As you might have read from my previous posts , I am very sensitive to my SB having her profile active while we are together . Good luck with him —how is it going so far ?

NewYorkGirlsays:

about first date sex. Again. Ok.
I met my ex husband when I was in college.
We met at New Year party (with 25-30 people in his apartment ) and at 5 am me and him abandoned his apartment with guests and went though the whole city to my apartment. Of course had sex. You know I was married for 10 years:) first 3 years I did not have any ANY complains about him, we were perfect. then with time good and bad experience accumulate…. I wanted to live in the USA he wanted to live in Europe..etc.

NC Gentsays:

I guess maybe I am “old school” on how long I wait. I never really thought about why I wait, but thinking about it now. I feel like that is a pretty big step and I am committed to the person in a relationship at that point. Also, if I have sex shortly after meeting, I think it will cloud my judgement. It works for me, and I am not judging at all.

HGirl — so when your profile says no sex for money — does that mean your sugar relationship will never involve intimacy or does that just mean not until you are ready? I have seen that in other profiles and I usually passed because I wasn’t certain what that meant, and I felt it would have been awkward to ask.

DaddyGTsays:

@babbydoll@daddygt lol! the woman must be a gigantour to be taller than you !!!

Weellll, it is a mental exercise for the reader. I only signed up on SA as a member like 2 days ago. In part to check out profiles and hopefully give helpful feedback. Started browsing through profiles in London, ran across a couple of profiles I found interesting.

One lass is 1.88m (6’2″). That makes her like two inches taller than me!! Without heels!! And I do love a woman in heels

The other one 1.8m (5’11”). That makes her almost my height, sans heels, and definitely taller with!

My previous GFs have all been 5’3″ (yup …. there’s a story there), to 5’8″. The latter was my height with heels. It might be a fetish thing I have going on, but I think I would love to have a GF who was taller than me! I’ll call it the Sakorzy Syndrome, and not a Napoleon complex. Hahaha

The comments here from the ladies about dating me that are shorter than them though (thus considered short men) are revealing though.

NewYorkGirlsays:

VA Gent you are so funny and cute yourself I would share anything with you not only my profile number.:)

I like what Allison wrote (5 pages):) above. About the sex on first date vs kissing.
If I like guy I want to kiss him, and let him touch me on first/second date (IRL or SA) I can as well sleep with him. For me I know during first a few minutes if I want/like/can do him or not.
Kissing hugging need more mutual attraction than just making sex.
What… I like him enough to kiss, hug… But not to have sex.? If I do not want to have sex with him I would not kiss him , if i like him enough to kiss when I want to have sex with him…. And not to do it just playing hard to get game (I am a very honest person).

VA Gent, seriously you know I was stupid enough to put down my profile coz I liked my d SD a lot, and he was asking for loyalty , and I HOPE we will find an understanding. So my new profile is empty pretty much.

I remember very first first-meet. We picked a lounge in midtown. I arrived first and sat at the bar where I could see the people coming and going. Somehow she arrived without me seeing her and came up from behind me. I turned around and she didn’t look like her pics. I don’t mean she was old, ugly, or fat or anything objectionable, just that I barely recognized her. The shock on my face must have been appearant because she became suddenly quiet. I tried to rebreak the ice by saying something like “Isn’t it interesting how there is a site like SA that starts intimate relationships between total strangers.” Well that was the wrong thing to say as an icebreaker. She finished her drink, made some excuse about having to meet some friend and left. Oh well, guess we all have to make mistakes along the way before we get to the real thing.

DaddyGTsays:

@VA Gentleman

Mea culpa. I got the wrong gentleman. It was NC Gent who wrote the following “I don’t think I have ever been intimate with someone after knowing them two weeks or less, but that is just my preference.” in response to a comment I had made that in sugar dating, as IRL dating, intimacy for me would naturally occured by the second week or so, or I was so out of there.

@daddygt lol! the woman must be a gigantour to be taller than you !!!

@VA Gentleman – Re Instant sex comment

phew,this is a question that has a lot of diff answers…
i am a first time SB, never had any othe SD other than my current one,who i have strong feeling for.
but i was very attracted to him on the first dinner date,i kissed him in the middle of a conversation,must be the wine too…
but before we initially had that first dinner,we were emailing personal things we thought we should know i.e-personality etc
after a month we set up to meet at a hotel,and i am not ashamed to say,i was happy to have sex with him,acually he was more surprised than me that i was happy to have sex at that time!although he is still a stranger at that point! but,he made sure before our hotel meet,he arranged everything re our agreement,financial etc etc… so it must have helped to make me comfy sleeping with him that day x
one thing though, i dont feel like sleeping around as a one night stand or ever got paid or thinking of getting paid just to have sex. i am not a prude but i dont think i am a prostitute or escort as well.
and when we talk about stuff we did together now,we smile on how things progresses,as like what you said,maybe leave hings to go further naturally,rather than just a sex relationship with cold emotions just for the money.

Va Gentlemansays:

Re: Instant Sex

When I first started down the SD road I viewed the protocol as pretty much PTP . Since I have read so many of your comments I am now aware that it is really more like IRL dating –with a twist. The first few pots I dated I proceded along this line and although I had a few meetings they did not last . Now I know that my approach was wrong and if I become available again I will be more patient and let things evolve more naturally .

I am blessed that I met my SB and that she stayed with me after my initial need to bed her without benefit of a relationship 1st . I do wonder why she was willing to meet a total stranger in a hotel room for the night ,but –it worked for us . She is so not the escort type so I really don’t think she had experience with or inclinations toward that lifestyle , but that type of behavior is more hooker/john- ish is it not ?

Some young women I met the past two years seem to be more casual about sex as an exercise and they don’t attatch the emotional import to it that older women do . Perhaps it has to do with a generational attitude or perhaps it is my small sample size . Any comments from you younger ladies about that ?

NY Girl –you are so cute and funny . Would you share your profile # with the board ?

BalletDancersays:

Daddy GT – Dating a shorter guy…probably not. I’m not supermodel tall or anything so a guy shorter than me is pretttyyyy short. Shorter than me in heels I can deal with, shorter than me in flats…. *blush* Its a but judgmental of me, but I like what I like.

Arcadia — Good luck!

Cupcakes — Rejection is an unfortunate part of any dating scene. I’ve had a few guys that are completely into me, I send them a few more pictures after talking a bit, upon request… and suddenly they vanish off the face of the earth. Guess my charmingly adorable face made them feel like a pedo suddenly ;). But to be fair we do a lot of rejecting too. SD’s have their types just like SB’s. If after a meet, or after a few more photos they’re no longer interested…well off to the next one. Haha, I’ve taken to seeing it this way – the ones that I’ve never met and vanish, I’d say half of them are probably creepers so I’m saving myself the trouble.

Stormy — <3 but the ladies loved you.

Ballet ~ Ha the dance belt. Haven’t thought about that for a while. There was one other guy in the class and we had to pickup the dance belt and dress in the mens locker room then walk the entire length of the phys ed building to get to the studio. Needless to say, we took a lot of shit.

To DaddyGT. VA gent slept (spent all night in a hotel) the First time they met. :))

Omg , guys, you wrote A lot. How to keep up with u?:))

Thank you ContentSB, I did not realize I can look up other girls profiles this way.

Allisonsays:

Thanx for the profile advice, everyone. I just got my creative writing on and revised my description. I guess it will be approved by tomorrow.

@DaddyGT, I wouldn’t think it would be an issue. I mean for goodness sakes, she’s a big girl. If she were to eliminate any guy who was shorter than her by an inch or 2 , she’d be severely limiting her sugar pool.

I’ve always wanted to be taller but sometimes Im glad to be short. That’s not an issue I really have to worry about. Any guy who is shorter than me is probably a “little person” and that’s a whole ‘other issue. lol. (No offense to any “little” people out there)

DaddyGTsays:

Random question for the SBs.

Would you ever consider sugar dating a man that was shorter than you?

I am 1.82m (about 6ft), so this has never really been an issue. Just wondering though. If you were a 1.88m amazonian, would I fall into your list of considerations or would you write me off for being too short?

@ arcadia SB

if you meant you are going down south,if its London you are aiming,would be happy to meet up in case xxx been always curious to meet SB.s as never been an SB before and would be nice to hear from girls with same situation as me
by the way, heres my profile i.d feel free to eamil me for whatever your plans to London?
Profile Number 843811 or maybe message on this blog as i quite check it once in a while x

I put together a little project just for fun last night… I have built a FireFox addon module that enhances the SA and SM websites.

Here are the features so far…
Profiles:
1) Displays all profile photos full-size at the top of the profile, so that you don’t have to use the scroll navigator to browse them.

Blog:
1) Added a “Check For New Comments” button under the last comment in the blog. This grabs only new comments instead of reloading the whole page, and is much faster.
2) If the user puts his/her profile link in the “Website” box when posting, then…
a) The profile number is displayed as a blue link next to his/her name
b) Clicking the link pops up an in-window preview of the profile
c) This is smart enough that anyone can click on anyone’s profile link, without worrying whether they are also a SB or SD.
3) If the user posts an alternate website in the “Website” box then posting, then…
a) The link is now displayed next to the user’s name, in blue

By the way, if anyone from SA is interested, I am glad to give you the code if you want to implement these as permanent features.

DaddyGTsays:

Given the slowness of the page, I’m going to go with one post with all my responses, so please forgive the length, although I have tried to break it up into individual chunks.

@Classy.milf
about your page.

photo:: I like where you are going with it, but I think it is just a little bit too dark, and a little grainy.
profile:: Make it a tad bit less formal, and more fun. MidwestSB has a great profile :-). I like the way she says a lot, and yet still manages to keep it short enough to quickly skim through. Like hers, I think the About Me bit in your profile should be longer than the bit about what you are looking for in the arrangement.

Remember, your profile will not land you a SD. It should provide enough detail *and* enticement though, for the right sort of pot SD to get in touch with you.

@Rwberk
I gues we shall just have to agree to disagree, but that’s OK

@BalletGirlDancer
I agree with you on the pro photos thing, even as a pot SD. That said, one striking photo to catch someone’s eye in the listings, combined with some good candid photos seems like a good idea. YMMV

@DorkyGuy
When I was in high school (an all boys private school no less), the music teacher made the Rugby 1st team do Swan Lake. *shudders*. Hahaha. Seriously though, those were fun times.

@ContentSB
The tipping thing is very confusing, particularly for those of us not in the US. It is always a delicate balance between tipping because it is expected (10%), and tipping because the service was excellent (25%). Much as all of us who have ever worked in the service industry have had customers from hell, a lot of us too, have as patrons, had waiters from hell.

@CloseToIt
I totally agree with you, particularly #3 in your list. Unfortunately, even in 2012, we live in a society full of people who feel the need to pass judgement on *other people’s* relationships no less. In my book, whatever 2 (or more) adults decide to willingly get up to, is their business. I just hope whatever it is, they find joy.

@Lydia Bennet
You certainly give me hope! I am really glad that you seem to have found what works for you. Keep finding joy, and yes, don’t apologise for what makes you happy. quietly checking for flights to the land down under ;-*

@DorkyGuyHowever, I become much more closed-minded the moment someone gets pregnant.
You are on a slippery slope with that comment. In the poly community, we always point out how, when a poly relationship goes bad, society quickly judges that to be evidence that poly does not work. However, when a vanilla relationship goes bad … oh well.

Messing too much with that basic family structure ultimately harms the child.
I think we don’t give our kids enough credit. Kids need love, and I suppose stability, and they can get it in buckets in a poly relationship. A poly family will not necessarily lead to messed kids, in the same way that a seemingly traditional family unit will not necessarily lead to perfect kids. My maternal grandfather was polygamous (for all intents and purposes), and my mom turned out alright. My take on the matter, is that a poly relationship can actually keep the bounds of family tied a lot tighter. YMMV.

@Senorita
Congratulations on your success. May the sugar continue to flow.

@Nico
So true. It is not easy, even for the SDs to match up with the right SB. It does take time, and often, a few missteps before you get it right. And yeah, hanging out on the blog is fun.

@Cupcakes and CondomsI am open to being physical with someone… so long as I’m attracted to them mentally and physically (as well as chemistry and some level of commitment) which entails an age limit and many other limitations.
The more limitations you put upfront, the smaller your potential pool will be. Most men expect intimacy eventually. Where *eventually* ranges from the Johns who want it yesterday, to SD like VA Gent(I think), who would not expect it in anything less than a few weeks of chemistry building. Rather than blasting that you don’t want intimacy, maybe emphasize that you are looking for the right SD you can connect with etc. It is a delicate balance true, but don’t always write off potentials on a mere technicality.

@BalletDancer & @Stormcat
I agree. Guys should get into dance. While my ballet experience was limited to high school (see above), I really enjoyed it when I took Salsa classes a few years ago. Definitely more women than men in every class. Plus, learning to salsa gave me rythm and confidence that I still bring to the dance floor, even in a traditional club. Highly recommended.

@ContentSB & @Cupcakes and Condoms just a bit nervous about rejection but I know I have to get over that. Rejection is never fun…but we SBs do our fair share of rejecting as well.
Yeah. How do you think guys feel in IRL dating? Seriously though, I was definitely a late starter when it comes to women. My first kiss ever was in my 2nd year of varsity 😮 That said, I quickly came up to speed, and have never looked back. My game certainly improved when I stopped fearing rejection, and just as importantly, stopped taking it personally. (This was before The Game was published). Later in my lothario life, guys would ask me how I did it with women … I just pointed out (cliched and trite as it might sound), that I got rejected more than they did. Most of dating is a numbers game. The more you put yourself out there, the more you get out of it.

NewSBFunsays:

Just a lurker posting here.

I am avoiding work and I must say it has been worth it. I am learning all sorts of things about stuff I never knew that I didn’t know. That and getting several good laughs. My profile needs work and I am still a work in progress myself. The photos are getting updated biweekly as I “shrink”.

This blog is always interesting and I just want to thank everyone for the education. I am learning many things that I would not have thought to ask. Looking forward to reading more from the great mix of personalities here.

ACK! That was a lot longer than I realized. My apologies…I don’t post often,but apparently what I lack in frequency I make up for in length.

Arcadia SBsays:

Wow! I’ve been reading the blog for basically five days just trying to get to the end where I can throw in a comment!

I’m sitting in the Amsterdam Airport waiting for the gate for my flight back to the UK. So I’ve finally caught up and have comments all over the place!

UK SBs – I’m originally from the states but living in Scotland and have found the UK SD scene (online at least) to be a little different. I’ve been contacted by about half other American ex-pats living in Europe/UK or by UK SDs, no European born Europeans oddly enough. Maybe it’s cause I’m from the US. Since I moved over here, I’ve had much better luck getting in touch with SDs when I initiate communication, whereas in the US I always waited to hear from someone else. Not that I’m super experienced by any means!
Also, would you ladies be interested in an SB meet up at some point? I’ll probably head down south at some point in the next month or so and it would be fun to meet up!

As to the “Swift Justice” case. Let me say for one, I enjoy the variety of opinions and ideas expressed here. I feel sympathy for RWberk, as I think he got hoodwink in some respects, but also, as everyone else has stated, he made some poor choices. I wish I could say I’d never done the same (though I’ve never keyed someone’s car OR gone on a reality TV show). I do think that RWBerk’s experiences can be a good lesson to true SDs and SBs on a variety of levels so hopefully no SDs who see what he went through will repeat his mistakes.

SD Guru, Storm Cat, Dorky Guy, and Daddy GT – you guys make me chuckle AND make me think, it’s hard for a girl to do both in an airport starbucks (I get some funny looks).

All my fellow SBs (we seem to be growing! so many new faces, and I’m a lurking most times anyway) – I’ve REALLY enjoyed the profile discussion and if things don’t work out with my pot SD I’ll be digging back through these comments which have had fantastic Q&A for profile styling.
I should acknowledge the input of the SDs on the SB profiles too. Thanks! It’s nice to know what catches a man’s attention. My profile is 624612, though I haven’t updated it while I’m in “negotiations” as it were. Hopefully I won’t need to for a while, but I have a lot of ideas from y’all for when/if I do.

I just want you all to know that even though I’m quiet and lurky and usually feel like I come off as a complete idiot when I do post, I really enjoy “knowing” you all through the blog and I hope everyones’ new year is off to a great start!

Jessiesays:

Tons to catch up on the blog, but Rwberk I took the time to read ALL of your posts, which I found incredible interesting, as were the responses.

@Rwberk – Even after DaddyGT took the time to painstakingly explain how insane your decision was to follow through with a lawsuit, you still “don’t get it.” I’m not surprised though, and after reading all the excuses in your first post, had expected as much. I haven’t watched the clip, so that certainly hadn’t tainted my view of you, but your behavior here…that of a spoiled child…you rant and rave and whine and complain, and then when that didn’t work you decided to act like a bully instead and choose whom you thought to be the easiest target, and hurled insults at him. For one who doesn’t have time for “mindless chatter” you certainly spent a lot of time doing ENTIRELY that today. This describes perfectly how you came off…

“What you just said, is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point, in your rambling incoherent response, were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room, is now dumber for having listened to it….”

ContentSBsays:

@Cupcakes — Awesome! I’m glad you’re using a .edu…it makes things SO much easier! Rejection is never fun…but we SBs do our fair share of rejecting as well. The search will be worth it once you find a good one, and you will! I’m excited to hear how everything goes for you!

Cupcakes and Condomssays:

@content
I’m actually using my edu email address and so far it’s definitely been worth it! There are way to many profiles to scan through, but I’ll keep that in mind! It sounds like most people recommend SBs emailing SDs first so I’m going to try that, I’m just a bit nervous about rejection but I know I have to get over that.

ContentSBsays:

@Cupcakes — If you’re able to use a .edu email address as well, I’d highly recommend it. It gives you premium access (and an orange profile) so you’re able to see which men are viewing your profile. If you notice one who seems to be looking more frequently than others, send him a message. That’s how my SD and I met. He wasn’t looking for a long-distance arrangement which is why he never messaged, but after talking a bit and discovering how similar the things we were hoping to find were he decided to stretch himself a bit and try it. So far so good I joined in May and didn’t find a good match until November…just be patient!!

BalletDancersays:

Glad to have provided some humor.

Stormy- I’ve had moments in ballet where we’re stretching and I’m sitting there thinking “if I was a straight man, or a lesbian, I think I’d be in heaven.” So it’s for sure not a bad thing, especially if you get a teacher that’s very classical. Leotards and tights only. No shorts or shrugs or skirts!! Only downside of course being the dance belt for the gentlemen ;). After all, no one wants to squish the boys en battement a la seconde. Dorky, please do google dance belt; you’ll get some more chuckles out of it I’m sure.

Nutcracker is an classic. I’d of course recommend NYCB as they’re sort of the cream of the crop, but the Nutcracker…is very difficult to butcher, so it shouldn’t matter what company you end up seeing.

Anyway, night all <3.

Cupcakes and Condomssays:

Thanks guys! and I didn’t know about the blue vs black or orange, I thought orange just meant they payed extra. I’ve gotten a lot of emails and profile views which is a huge ego boost and feels great, but most of the guys are not what I’m looking for. As I said, the few that I have found and liked are inactive I guess which makes me think I would have better luck finding them out and about in person if they’re no longer on this site. There was one I was talking to who I was actually genuinely interested in but after a few back and forths and talking about the arrangements we are both looking for, he stopped responding. I understand that most men are looking for physical intimacy (which is not what I’m looking for) and that will severely limit my options, but I clearly state this in my profile so it surprises me when people act like that. He could at least send a reply saying he is no longer interested. I am open to being physical with someone… so long as I’m attracted to them mentally and physically (as well as chemistry and some level of commitment) which entails an age limit and many other limitations.
@Nico I’ll definitely stay around and thanks for making me feel welcome!

Nicosays:

Cupcake ~ look at the Orange profiles (or black). They are current users. The blue profiles are not active. They can look but they cannot touch (without renewing). That should help limit your search.

One other piece of advice *if I may be so bold*…..people need to stop with the, “Maybe this isn’t for me”. Nothing good happens overnight unless it’s pure luck. Most of us put in many many hours to find just a few worthy of meeting and then narrowing down to the ‘one’. MW even said it takes her months and the same has been true for me. The SD’s have far more options available to them but I’m fairly certain while they may receive many emails a day, it still requires screening and time to find the chemistry.

It’s not easy, agreed, but giving up certainly isn’t going to bring about a SD 😉

Stick around on the blog….I learned a lot here many years ago which helped in my screening techniques. Not to mention we’re fun!

Every time I’ve found a profile I like and consider sending him an email, I realize he hasn’t logged on in months. Maybe this isn’t for me

@DaddyGT, I try to be open minded… I really do.

Regarding polyamory, it sounds amusing and interesting among consenting adults. However, I become much more closed-minded the moment someone gets pregnant. Because polyamory is about love relationships, (and not just sex), you are in fact altering the family structure for potential children. Childhood is hard enough these days without a kid having to find his place in a family that even adults have trouble navigating. And let’s face it, pregnancy is usually a risk.

I did not form this opinion due to a prudish upbringing… but rather as a child who was raised in a nontraditional (homosexual) family. Kids need a healthy mother, and kids need a healthy father, both of which are very distinct roles that bring different benefits to the table. Messing too much with that basic family structure ultimately harms the child.

If kids weren’t a potential part of the equation, I would support it whole-heartedly, and would probably consider myself to be polyamorous as well.

@StormCat – I already know what my first ballet is going to be. I have a date with my oldest daughter for next Christmas to see the Nutcracker

Nicosays:

HELLO BEACH!!!!!! Good to see you back on sister!!!!

Nicosays:

Things that make you go hmmmmm…

Rwberk ~ I’m not one to judge and I’m certainly not going to start now. I have my own ideas of how the situation was ‘handled’ and without knowing all 4 sides (you, 2 SB’s and the truth) and/or being intimately involved I can only comment using the tidbits of information shared. Having said that, I will tend to agree with many of the posters here – while there have been a variety of posts and varying opinions.

My bigger question (?)….you have spent time on this blog, following the show, ‘defending’ your actions to a very SMALL audience and not even the type of audience that would typically grab a bag of chips and sit in front of the tube to watch the show but instead, the audience directly asked for our thoughts on the subject.

How/do you ‘defend’ your actions/position to all the individuals that voluntarily tuned the channel with the specific intention to watch the show. I can only imagine that audience is FAR greater than the audience here. I’m fairly certain their words were far more judgmental than those heard/read here.

Perhaps some sort of Sugar Daddy Redemption for the unfortunate negative light brought to the sugar community, whether intentional or not. No clue how that might manifest….just came to me as I was typing. Perhaps even putting to good use your 11 years as a SD and putting pen to paper? Again…just a thought….

Dorky ~ I recommend seeing Stravinski’s Firebird as a first ballet. I know it’s not classical ballet but it is so beautiful that if that is where you start you will love ballet from then on!

CloseTolt ~ Thank you for that refreshing viewpoint and welcome to the blog. I too believe that being closed minded is probably the worst state of mind possible. Unfortunately current society favors it and entertains it. It is the bane of the open minded.

I’m up for it. I even took a ballet class once. It was fun, every chick in the class plus a bunch from other classes asked me to be their partner.

Lydia Bennett 512916says:

OK…Fess up time..Happily married 18 years (to the same guy)..I have been polyamourous for 4 years.. He shares me descretely and selectively..We are NOT swingers..and the Sugar is MINE..honestly!!
DaddyGT we’d have sooo much fun.
oh and Alleycat hasnt hit me while in Aus..bummer!!

LOLL!!! I found a youtube video that shows the 2nd Position Plié, and I am dying laughing. I definitely need to go see more ballet.

CloseToItsays:

OMG! that judge, she piss me off!!!
1- First, what those two girls have to be laughing all the time? They just look stupid, immature, pain in the ass.
2- Why didn’t they answer to the judge about they own choices? They don’t act like adult, they act like stupid teenagers. That’s not what is suppose to be a good SB. We’re not babys who cannot assume their own choices… yeurk! they disgusted me.
3 I’m happy for the judge that her kids can have a good education and live a beautiful live and learn to become reasonnable independant adults because they have parents who have money, but honestly her kids are maybe less independent than any sane SB. After all, they are dependant on her. What does she makes of them who are dependant of their man to get their education?? And why would it be a bad thing to be attracted to older men? And why do everybody always say it’s the older man who is the one who benefits more from that relationship?? Not only talking in terms of sex and money… people are so close minded. Judges should have a good judgement, and a close mind doesn’t lead at all to a good judgement. She is so judgemental…. looking at that video made me so angry. It reminds me how it’s always people who got everything in life, who had the chance to had school paid by their families and who could make trips who are always judging this lifestyle.

BalletDancersays:

ROFL

Dunnoooo, a plié in second would probably be better than a pirouette for ya know…aesthetic purposes.

The script is coming together in my head, this will be an Oscar winner for sure!

“Mr. Delivery guy…I don’t have any money. Is there any *other* way I can pay you? Let me grand plié on your lap for a bit…”

And, I hear you Content SB. I used to waitress and now I always tip ridiculously. Even if my date pays I usually leave a tip of my own. I also agree on the blog being amazing <3 I dunno what I would have done without the advice here, probably learned all the no-no's the hard way.

ContentSBsays:

Wow. Drama drama drama! I’m only going to say one thing about all of the craziness here today…I’m still new here…but I enjoy the so-called “mindless banter.” I think you’re all great and appreciate all the advice I’ve been given!

And now a short off-topic rant. I’m a server (yes I do have a 4 yr degree…but I’m still job searching. ugh.) and when I’m waiting on an older man with a younger woman, I automatically assume sugar or p4p…it’s terrible of me, but I still do it. Anyway…SDs I sincerely hope you tip AT LEAST 15%. Because nothing is more irritating than serving a man who is clearly trying to impress his date, and then financially rapes his server. *End rant*

@ Stormcat

So you have DorkyGuy change it to porn ballet with pizza?? huh ?? Where is the naughty nurse and the pool boy?

ROFLMAO that’s awesome !!

Beach_Girlsays:

Ballet~ Oh, I had no idea lol, 😀 like I said, I haven’t been here for a while. I said hi a few times, but haven’t been here for at least 6 months or more…
This blog is taking quite a long time to load… I’m sure there will be a new topic soon

lol, “Black Swan 2″… I have some great ideas! Can you dance ballet to 70’s porn music? “Bow-chicka-bow-bow… and pirouette…”. We can cast Stormy as the pizza delivery guy, who *always* delivers on time.

I was like … “I must have said hi to Dorky previously >.>. Weird. Then I was like “…oh dear was he one of my Pots…did I wink at him O_O??? -slinks away in embarrassment-” Haha.

For the record, immaturity in a stupid, reckless, hurtful way is very different than immaturity in a carefree happy way.

I knew someone would reveal a little trick … thank you BalletGirl
@ Midwest SB
I love that profile!! I will look at mine and yes a friend already told me to lighten up and I will not copy you I pinky finger promise.

who starts new topics anyway? Is it just Brandon or someone from SA running this blog?
… my refresh isn’t slow … usually

It is going to take FOREVER to catch up! I hope I get the chance soon! I have been so busy and sick…yuck! Hope all is well with everyone!

Beach_Girlsays:

Dorky Guy… It’s Beach Girl!!! 😀
And I haven’t been here for a while, just saying HI! and I don’t think your immature, not that I know anyways… I just mean that Rwberk and the 2 SBs were being immature and full of drama!

I tried yours too and got the same thing as Midwest both in search by #
I am using firefox and clicking on your name here firefox led me to
! Server not found
Firefox can’t find the server at deleted.

BalletGirlsays:

Allison, baby I feel you. <3

The downside to pro pics though… if they like what they see in the Pro pic, they'll expect that when you show other pictures, or when you meet. My profile has one pro pic, one full body candid, and one close up face candid. I found when I had just the pro pic up, Pots would stop talking to me once I sent them a candid. So I wised up and weeded out the ones that weren't interested unless I miraculously look like a Maybelline model all the time. 😉 Which, I only wish I did xD.

I get a lot of mails, don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to whine or anything. :-/ But, it's only a good thing if you are getting the quality too, which I find is sometimes hit and miss for me. I unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you want to look at it) am the "blonde, gullible looking, and 19 year old" type that the more experienced/wiser/ SB's keep referencing themselves as not being, here on the blog, haha. There's nothing wrong with it, it does seem to get me a lot of replies. Not always from the sort of people I would ever consider being in any sort of relationship with. Sugar or otherwise.

Be patient ladies, it takes time. You'll find your perfect SD.

Beach_Girlsays:

Hello Sugars!!! It’s been a while!

Read up as much as I can, but really… this blog is way too long 😀

Rwberk~ Seriously Dude!!!!! For 2k??? WTF were you thinking? Wanted to teach them a lesson? You should of called the police because of the damage to your car… but really what was the point of mailing their parents? again, Really? You said your budget is 50k a year for a SB, then you should be able to pay damages to your car. I think it might of been asked here (I didn’t read all the scroll here) but why would you sue for 2k? really, why? I just don’t get it. It’s full of drama and bullcrap in my opinion!
And, why wouldn’t you sue for them saying that you raped them? They actually said they lied about that because they wanted to get out of trouble for keying your car…. I mean, you should of known better… It seems like it was all drama… Suing them was not the way to go, for 2k!
You should of walked away… and just count it as a loss… big deal right? you have 50k a year for SBs…
It could of all been avoided!!! omg, I hate all that drama, immaturity crap!
SD Guru, StormCat, Dorky, Nico, Midwest, and all… HEY! 😀

@ Midwest SB

I tried too and got …
Profile Not Found

hehe

l amused that a sd with so much money to spend on his sbs would complain about picking up the tab at ihop. For the record.. my profile number is 524741. If you cant pick up my tab at ihop… don’t contact me.

hmmm no I haven’t done anything …

Profile Number 828549 (Sugar Baby – F)

Rwberksays:

Dorky guy, thank you for your comments, you are on the same page as I am. The parent thing was impulsive, but legal eeee’s 101 would tell you that when the well is dry, we go where there is water. The insurance option was unavailable at the time because of a prior accident from 2 yrs ago.

If all of you pundits “don’t get it” thats because you weren’t there. A lot more went into our relationship beyond what happened that day. Kelly had just given me the nicest birthday gift 2 days prior. She actually made a gift for me that was much more meaningful than what I’m used to.
The week prior I had Leanne in the hospital helping her with her asthma issues. I sat in the ER with her for 6 hours and paid the bill because she had no insurance. Her claim of us never having sex was because she didn’t want her family knowing. But the fact is I had sex with both of them on countless occasions. Had they been miserable or not enjoying it, I’m quite sure they wouldn’t have kept seeing me. I didn’t provide them allowances or “per session” stipends, thats disgusting. I simply added comfort to their lives and they were quite happy with what I provided them. Their anger came from being cut off, pretty simple to figure out. I have been doing this for 11 years without ever having this type of experience. I designed a very fulfilling life for myself and am fortunate to be able to change others lives for good. You guys are getting one vantage point. I’m not phased by the judge, she had an agenda before entering that studio based on what producers wanted for better ratings. Giving me the money was too predictable for them

Rwberksays:

Here again, imagine that if I were “pushing” drugs onto them the last thing I do would be to go on a television show to argue my case. Or even go to civil court for that matter. Kelly reported that in court because she was trying to get out from under the responsibility of the event and have herself scene in a positive light. The fact is she was an ecstasy user when I met her. I never purchased or indulged with her in that behavior. Had I been doing those things I wouldn’t have sued them to begin with.
The police were called, and the charges were dropped because Leanne was pushing the phony rape call. In the state of California it is incumbent on the officers to arrest the perpetrator and let the court system figure out whether he is innocent or not. The police report is available at Long Beach police department and clearly outlines everyones statements. Both girls admitted to falsifying initial report and took responsibility for doing damage to my car. My initial intent was simply to take them to court and have judgement filed on them. The show was persistent, in spite of denials to want to go on. The producer sold me on the idea that I had a slam dunk case with photos, estimates and police reports. I had a slam dunk case for civil court. Just thought this method would be more expeditious. Live and learn I suppose. Those girls will be stung by karma someday, that much is certain.

@MidwestSB, you are absolutely correct that the whole situation could have been avoided by some simple decisions early on. tried to bring up yoûr profile, but it is reporting as unavailable.

DorkyGuysays:

@DaddyGT, I agree with some of your points. contacting their parents was creepy, but I don’t find the civil suit entirely pointless.

The false rape charge is horrifying. They intended to put him in jail and permanently ruin his reputation over a charge for which they knew he was innocent. The girls need to face a consequence for that. That act was much worse than the vandalism in my opinion, and he may still be able to push back on that.

similarly, he needs to face a consequencefor plying these underage girls with alcohol and ecstasy.

Babydoll- Orange is premium members. Blue is basic members. The difference is in the search capabilities. Black is Diamond members who have submitted some semblance of income verification only.

Midwest SBsays:

Classy.milf – I am the same age as you. I get less e-mails than many, but they tend to be of higher quality. It just takes time. Feel free to reach out to some gents as well. It is how I met my first SD. It may just be me, but maybe lighten up the What you are seeking portion…make it shorter and go into detail later. Lastly, the SBs I’ve met near your area (and close to our age) feel they are competing with the legalized prostitution. I can’t speak from personal experience though.

DaddyGTsays:

@DorkyGuy“Walking away teaches them the lesson that they can vandalize property with impunity”.

I agree with you. Sort of. As I noted in one of my posts … call the police. File a complaint. Let them deal with it. Let’s see :: Suing folk you know can’t afford to pay you even if you win (after you have dropped the criminal charges no less), is a bit pointless. Involving their parents when things go tits up is childish. Agreeing to TV court is a rookie mistake.

There is a *huge* gulf between calling the cops and pressing criminal charges, and what Rwberk did. Huge gulf. And that’s the point of my rant.

quick uestion,as i am new here,hw come some of the profiles of sugadaddies on the site are colored orange? that does mean they are sour aplles and no go areas?and if they are why are they still on the site?

Midwest SBsays:

DaddyGT – I mistated the “take your toys and go home”. It was not intended for you or Stormcat.

DorkyGuy – There are better ways to administer consequences. My feeling is this could have been headed off early and the damage never would have happened. A series of bad choices followed by actions that are inconsistent will never teach anyone a lesson.

If anyone would like to see an example of a profile that tends to get compliments and stands out from others, visit 835817. If you send me a request I will show you the private photos. There I have a head shot, a full length shot and a fun shot. I’m not sure if the ladies can, but I like discretion. I don’t see a way to temporarily make the private photos public. All I ask is be original…it took time to develop that profile.

gah… I was searching for a word, and it has been bugging me. finally it came to me. what I wanted to say was:

“Walking away teaches them the lesson that they can vandalize property with impunity”.

DorkyGuysays:

@Rwberk, I can understand if someone were to vandalize my car, I would want them to learn that they can’t get away with it. I disagree with both DaddyGT and SDGuru. Walking away was not the classy thing to do, as walking away teaches them the lesson that they can vandalize property without consequence. $2k is chump change, but sometimes principle is more important than money.

If my own kid vandalized my car, I would press charges. because they need to learn that they can’t act that way. Holding them accountable is ultimately the loving thing to do, and is in their best interest.

However, by agreeing to do the show, weren’t you guaranteeing that the girls receive a $1k appearance fee, and thus rewarding their bad behavior?

Also, what was the deal about one of the girls claiming that you were pushing ecstasy on her? Is that accurate?

@DaddyGT or any others who may offer an opinion …
I have had a few views on my profile ….Despite the time of year, I am thinking it’s not very inspiring or I am just too old for Sugar.
I like the advice you have offered Allison and other SB’s. Would it be rude of me to ask for your opinions? If you want to see my private pics I will get you access if you let me know it is in regard to my request on the Blog.
Sorry I can’t help the Canadian coming out of me by asking and apologizing all at once.

DaddyGTsays:

I can’t do anything about the poses being the same. I only take pics from the right side. It’s the Mariah Carey in me. lol.
Except, last time I checked, Mariah already had her SD, and then some. Personally, I like varied poses. I find feel that they give a better overall picture … pun intended.

About the profile, don’t stress it too much. @Cupcakes and Condoms gave great advice above. Keep it light, but above all keep it positive & end it with a ‘call to action’.

Dang, the profile is going to take some time. Ugh! I hate writing. I wish I could pay someone to write like I used to do for my English papers in college. lol

DaddyGTsays:

@Allison

Professional pics are great, but they can be bad. Sometimes I see professional photos and think, “Great! But are these real? Too good to be true?”. To be fair, you just need a couple of really good photos, not necessarily pro photos.

Get a digital camera, and get a friend to take as many headshots as you can in decent light. Sheer numbers alone means at least one of them with be very good. Repeat for a full body shot. One in little black dress type clothing. Repeat for casual shot.

And about emailing pot SDs.
* Get your profile right … keep improving it
* Get feedback from the ones that do respond, both negative and positive.
* Keep contacting pot SDs you like.
* It will take time. And Jan has never been the most social of months anyway. People are tired and broke from overdoing it over Christmas. Just play the long game, and you’ll be alright.

DaddyGTsays:

@Allison
Again, I’ll just start by stating that what follows is just my opinion.

Your photos. I like them … I think. Except that they are all virtually the same pose, except with different clothes (besides the beach one). Mix it up a bit. And the one with the yellow plastic sheet, either lose that or crop that bit out. Just looks, not nice.

Your profile.
Delete everything between “I would hate to bore you…” and “start with a bad stuff – “. Not necessary, and takes up about half your writeup.

Everything after that, put in a more positive light. So, instead of
“I am impulsive and restless at times” –> Planning the perfect night out is great, but sometimes the best fun can be had by throwing caution to the wind and impulsively going on an adventure. Join me on our own little adventure.
“I’m not the neatest sometimes” –> I am not obsessed with the need to have every hair in its place. While I do scrub up well, and turn out pretty nice in a little black dress, I am just as happy in some old jeans and t-shirt at a picnic. I will always be turned out just right for the right occassion with the right man.

I think @Midwest SB has been doling out this advice to girls, and I agree 100%
* When you describe yourself, describe how you being you is good for your pot SB. So being impulsive should mean fun, unpredictable. Being beautiful should make him the envy of all the other men and women. Etc. 10% about you, and 90% about what this means to him, in language men understand

* When you describe your ideal man, again, make it about him, and how you are the right woman for the man he wants to be. So, stroke his ego about the sort of man he is, “successful, generous, independent, connessiour, strong” are great adjectives to use in describing him. 10% about what he should do for you, and 90% about how fine he already is, and what you can do to make his life even better.

My rewrites above are bad, but hopefully gives you an idea of what I like to see in a profile. Not sure what the other gents here like though, so take it with a pinch of salt, and YMMV.

@ Stormcat
**The thing about Existentialism that I find compelling is the acceptance that whatever comes to you is fine and that there is no grand plan requiring each of us to fulfill some Karmic purpose in order to justify existence. That we exist is the purpose and the individual Karma is defined by that person’s own desires and efforts.**

Congratulations!! I can honestly say that you are the first SD I have communicated with that has acted as a mentor by getting me to think and read. So before I get completely lost in Wikipedia and run off to Chapters I will say thank you. I will take a break from stressing my brain and referencing the dictionary/thesaurus … to keep up on the blog 😉

Cupcakes and Condomssays:

@allison
I would redo your ‘about me’ section. Think of writing your profile like a job interview, you never want to mention anything negative about yourself and if you do, spin it in a positive light. Also, the first part of it where you say you’re not going to be like all the other profiles, cut that part and just say how you are different. You don’t need to degrade other profiles to make yourself look good.
Keep everything positive.
I would also recommend putting a line at the end inviting potentials to contact you.

Allisonsays:

OMG, I took everyone’s advice and began to email some of the SD’s whose profiles and/or pics I liked and not one freaking response outta like 10. This site can really crap on your self esteem. Maybe I should get some professional pics.

If anyone has some tips for me, let me know. My profile is 832503

Cupcakes and Condomssays:

Hey guys, I’ve been reading through all the posts (especially the back and forth) and I am definitely not going to get involved. Also how do I report a SA account? They either got hacked or are the most disrespectful person I have ever encountered.

DaddyGTsays:

@Rwberk I wanted them to know they couldn’t get away with what they did because they thought they were above reproach. Go look that word up, I know you have no clue what it means.

So hang on. Let me get this right …. In order to achieve this, and teach them a lesson, you* Call the police, and get them arrested, then you drop the charges* Decide to sue them, knowing full well that they can’t actually pay you* Unilaterally decide that since you are now pissed off with them, they are no longer the adults they were when you were having sex with them, but are now children that need parental involvement!! *Mind boggles** Figure what the heck, lets take it to court t.v. At least those guys guarantee payment of $1k in 30 days* Where via a biased judge and creative editing you get your ass handed to you and are made to look rather, well, silly

Hahaha. But you showed them right? Now, after this episode, nobody will ever mess with you! No, sireee! And those girls, they’ve definitely learned their lesson now!!

You have confirmed what I suspected near the bottom of my post. You really just don’t get it!

You can remain obstinately indignant forever, and righteously so too, but it does not change the fact that all this for $2k all in the name of teaching the girls a lesson was a very bad judgment call.

Classy ~ Well lately I’ve been rereading Kierkegaard and there is certainly no lack of interesting vocabulary there. The thing about Existentialism that I find compelling is the acceptance that whatever comes to you is fine and that there is no grand plan requiring each of us to fulfill some Karmic purpose in order to justify existence. That we exist is the purpose and the individual Karma is defined by that person’s own desires and efforts. But I have to read it with a dictionary, of course, because I trip over the concepts when I encounter really unusual words like reproach.

Check this out (pusillanimous)
He he he he: And your mother wears Army boots!!!

The usual usage is beyond not above.

Rwberksays:

Daddy GT – I enjoy the banter, you guys have way too much on your hands. lol I did call the police, 3 times actually. There was a police report posted on the air, the girls were arrested and released because I dropped the charges on them. They concocted a phony rape story (admitted on show) to prevent from being prosecuted. They were attempting to break into my home and smash my windows while I was inside with the “intent” of robbing me because I didn’t comply with their blackmail threat. The only mistake or bad choice made here is that I didn’t think their out of control behavior would escalate to this level. I have a substance abuse counseling background. The girls were trying (at one point) to straighten their lives out. Addiction is a powerful force and one that is difficult to overcome. I was in the process of separating from both of them that day. They were angry because the money tree went dry. I had taken each of them shopping and paid bills for them (citations and school debts) for 3 months. We at one time had great connecitons. Did you hear the judge ask the girls which one said they would go back with me? Why don’t you re watch the taping, clearly your perceptions by envy, or just plain ignorance. I’ve been a “real” sugardaddy for 11 yrs. Longer than most of you put together. I know and am keenly aware of what I get into each and everytime. I don’t manipulate or attempt to maneuver the girls to do things they don’t want to. I have had plenty of girls where we had very successful arrangements. I’m single, never married, with no kids. The 18-22 yr olds are a much more fun experience because typically they appreciate generosity and kindness. Remember this, “THE GAME CHOSE ME”. I didn’t create this or invent it. We don’t chase’em, we just replace’em

AAAAANNYYY HOOOO …. since none of us is guilty of rewarding bad behavior …

I was getting into the profile advice …. can we continue that please?

Rwberksays:

Wow!! Stormcat!! You clearly have no idea how entertainment works or is even produced, do you? Many of my comments and justifications were edited out and the judge was quite disapproving from the outset. “Whining”? hardly my friend. P4P? Hardly again!! I have never paid anyone for sex in any engagement of this lifestyle. Contrary to what you can produce, I can actually offer up real testimony from girls who I’ve supported for years. I have a facebook (privately) that speaks volumes to my character and generosity. I don’t need to prove a thing to you but you should be careful drawing assumptions from a TV episode that leaned on the lifestyle, not the law. You are showing your own ignorance and arrogance my friend. Rethink your position and pull your head out of the sand

youtube search – My god! Are you STILL talking?!

Rwberksays:

Hey stormcat, you moron!! They used a corkscrew to damage real quarter panel all the way to front. She dug through the paint. All panels and doors were removed and sanded and repainted. If you had half a brain you’d know that job is about 1600$. The girl also slashed my tires which were high performance rated at 250$ per. I rounded the suit to 2000$. And yes business is great and we set a record for production this past year. I wanted them to know they couldn’t get away with what they did because they thought they were above reproach. Go look that word up, I know you have no clue what it means.

Lets see $300K in 11 years and you’re whining about $2K in overstated damages. Since when does it cost $2000.00 to have a detail shop buff out a key scratch and have a tire shop fix a couple of flats. Even with 4 new tires and touch up paint, I’m guessing $750 max Ha Ha Ha . . .Maybe business isn’t good for those two companies (that you probably inherited and have since run into the ground) so you need to sue your SBs in order to make up the difference.

DaddyGTsays:

@Kara
Just weighing in with comments on your profile. I agree with midwest. The photo of you in the black dress would work, but without the guy friend that makes it really feel like a prom photo. The photo of you in the grey dress too, seemed to work. Not sure why you took that off.

Your writeup needs work. Too much information that is not necessary taking up too much space. (For example. Your profile page already says you are 19. You remind everyone again that you are 19. Then once more that the next number in the sequence is 20!) Below is my first stab at how I might present myself if I were you.

___
Hello! I’m Kara, a college sugar baby studying for a degree in Advertising, in D.C. I am sassy, outgoing, intelligent and highly ambitious. I have big dreams for the future, and fully intend to be running my own business by the time I turn 30.

I would love to meet a kind and generous older man. Someone who can mentor and guide me, share the secrets of success with me, and help me make my dreams a reality.

In return, the right gentleman will feel my passion for life, recieve my utmost respect, and will certainly be loved and well looked after. I am a great cook, so I hope you have a great appetite. I am very passionate with the people I like and gel with. Get in touch, and we’ll see if we can stoke up this passion together.

I do hope that you are man enough to take care of my needs, whilst allowing me to take care of yours.
___

The above, whilst stripping out a lot of not so interesting information in the original, is still fairly generic and could do witha rewrite in your own voice. If you are going to talk about your passions, talk about them, don’t list them. “I am learning to play the flamenco guitar” or “I do a killer Diana Ross on the karaoke!” is certainly more interesting than “I have a passion for music.”

When I look at profiles, I keep asking … “why you?”. SBs with quirky and original profiles certainly attract me more than generic (and boring) “I am interested in shopping, fashion, beauty, travel etc etc etc” that so many SBs seem to have in their profiles.

Remember, you are out to land that 1 SD that is right for you. Be original in your profile. Be you. Ask your friends to read through your profile. It must describe you, not someone else they know. If they think your profile could be someone else, rewrite it, till it is just you. You would rather have a profile that only 10% of the SDs here find interesting, appealing and memorable, than one that 100% will not fault, but also not remember.

@Stormcat
Heh. I am still not gunshy. I have hung out on forums that make 4chan seem like kindergarten so I am totally thick skinned.

@SD Guru
I have been told!! Hahaha. I shall be sure to confer with the richer, wiser, more experienced, Rwberk who can also outspend me, next time I need to decide whether to write off $2k or go on Maury and Jerry Springer. Hahaha!!

@Midwest SB
Putting toys away now. Not heading home though. Enjoying it too much here :-), But yeah, one thing I have learned from going through the blog here, is that many pot SBs and pot SDs just don’t get that money and sugar are not the same thing.

Thank you SD Guru I fully respect that and won’t argue if it is rejected.

I did post a response, it is awaiting moderation and I hope the mods have a sense of humor

@ Rwberk
* Because I have a background in civil litigation and am well aware of my legal rights as a plaintiff*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fEkWH8DB7b0
* I wish you all well and thank you for your feedback. I’m moving on*
-whew-

@ DaddyGT & Stormcat
Deep breaths …. Slow deep breaths.

Midwest SBsays:

DaddyGT, Stormcat, et al – It appears to me that Rwberk has accepted his bad choices, but indeed does not reflect the kind of SD any of us would deem a true gentleman. Let this be a reminder to the newbies as an example of the diverse kind of men who characterize themselves as SDs. Just because you give money to help a woman out doesn’t make you an SD. Just because you call yourself an SD does not mean you’re generous. There is an attitude that accompanies a true and genuine SD.

In his case, it gives him permission to behave the way he does….people rarely change. There are some who use this lifestyle as their playground and there are plenty of women who will fall prey to his “atmosphere”. If he believes for a minute that these ladies were genuinely interested in him, then he has indeed created his own delusions.

And now…back to our “mindless chatter” which I deem valuable perspectives that don’t necessarily condone his behavior. Take your toys and go home.

@Stormcat & DaddyGT

Rwberk probably has more SB’s, more money, and more experience in the sugar world than the three of us combined. Obviously he has been doing very well on his own and doesn’t need help from anyone, least of which from the blog. He’s probably got plenty of high quality SB’s under the drinking age beating down his door to try to get a piece of the action. So let’s get back to our mindless chatter until he shows up on the next episode of “Sugar Gone Bad” on Bravo. Or until Leanne and Kelly come to the blog to give their side of the story!

@Classy.Milf

Any comment including an URL is automatically moderated in order to reduce spam.

OK DaddyGT said it better. But then he’s never started a firestorm here before so he isn’t a gunshy as I am!

Rwberk ~ Actually you weren’t getting bashed here the show was getting bashed. The concensious was that the Judge had a hidden agenda and that the verdict was inappropriate. But comming on the blog with a self-rightous additude and then acting as though whatever we say here is (dare I quote you) “mindless chatter” is simply asking for it. (And believe you me I know this blog can be pretty rough on you if your in the wrong! So if you can’t take the heat . . . )
As far as mindless chatter goes, it’s the glue that keeps everyone in touch so that when someone among us has a real difficulty everyone is there to help support encourage advize etc. I have found the majority people here to be among the most intelligent, savy, educated, tasteful, ambitious I’ve ever known.
IMHO, you did a really lousy job as a plaintif and on the show you came across as tasteless and crude. You looked like the p4p type who uses this beautiful lifestyle as a justification for pedophilic tendancies. All of us here realize that you had no control over the broadcast content but then neither did Brandon and he didn’t come off looking that way. All I’m saying is humble yourself, take the critisism, don’t whine about it, make the corrections in yourself that are appropriate, then move on and have a better life because of it.

DaddyGTsays:

@RwberkPerhaps the outcome isn’t what I expected, but so what, thats on me. I made a decision, took a risk, and accepted the consequences.

I am probably going to get bashed for my opinion, but what the heck. For starters, I don’t know you @Rwberk. I only know what I have read here. Don’t take my criticism personally. I would say the exact same thing to any SB or SD (yes, I am looking at you pot SD that is stalking @Jennie).

My biggest problem with all this, is what you did shows a total lack of class. There are a few of things here, and really, you either get it or you don’t. And if any of you SBs and SDs ever decide to end up in daytime TV court, you are already showing a total lack of class, and you have already lost.

But, the problem here, @Rwberk, is not just the daytime TV court.

#1. You ended up in the situation with these girls because of choices and decisions you made. Learn from it. Keep your rescue efforts separate from your sugar dating. Choosing to have sugar with a potenitially unstable and very very young girl is an example of a bad decision, or poor choice.

#2. While it is true that some women (and men), will flip on you suddenly, and key your car, the truth is that you can see these things coming from a mile off. If you can’t, its a problem, and one you need to address by becoming more, well, socially aware (for lack of a better expression). If you did see it coming, and did nothing till it was too late, its a problem. Again, the responsibility for not seeing it coming, or allowing it to come, lies with you.

#3. Once your car was keyed, the right (maybe I should say classy) thing to do is report the crime to the police, and let them deal with it. Either claim the money back from your insurance, or take the financial hit. Anything else, is just tacky. Really tacky. That you don’t get *this* is worrying, and is a problem. Let your insurance sue the girls for the damages. You should never have had anything to do with this.

#4. Suing the girls in a small claims court was just tacky. Write off the amount already. Not sure what you thought suing them would achieve, *particularly* since you yourself have said that they would not be able to pay you back the money. Not classy at all. Vindictive? Yes. Wanting to teach them a lesson? Maybe, but it is not your job … see #1 above on not mixing your rescuing efforts with sugar.

#5. Having decided that the girls could not pay you back, involving their parents in your dispute is even tackier. Not classy. At all. If you had been happy to deal with the girls as adults prior to the tiff, you should have been happy to deal with them as adults even when you fell out. This matter had nothing to do with their parents, and I cannot say this enough, you bringing them into things was just not classy. It was wrong on so many levels. Walk away already.

#6. Even worse, then agreeing to go on TV was also very wrong. Again, very tacky. Not classy at all. You should not have done it. You should not have even considered it. Even if it was for a different case, you should not have done it. The people who air their lawsuits on daytime judges TV are in a league of their own, and it certainly is not the classy league. And if you have a background in civil litigation, what made you sign a contract that allowed the producers to hoodwink you with a change of judge at the last minute? And you still went through with it? For $1k? No, no, no. Not classy at all. So much wrongness just there.

Ultimately, my question to you is. “Is there anything that you did, any decisions that you made, leading up to the court case, that you would do differently if you had a do over?”

If you have not learned that the right thing to do in a situation like this is to take the financial loss, and walk away, then you still don’t get it, and probably never will.

And that is my problem with your responses. I think you still don’t get it, since you are trying to justify and excuse your actions, instead of admitting that you made some really bad choices, some really bad decisions, and that you got some things really wrong.

Rwberksays:

SD Guru – 300k is a fair estimation of what I’ve spent over the years in this lifestyle. Some years more, some years less. I’m very busy with 2 companies that I own and maintaining this part of my life isn’t a priority. I mentioned the 50k on the show because in the past 2 years I spent that amount on some girls who weren’t drug and alcohol addicted and were very thankful that I entered their lives at the time I did to help them with college expenses and tuitions. I have 3 sets of plastic surgery improvements out there. 2 of them are on my facebook, the 3rd has a boyfriend who won’t let us communicate. I am a real sugardaddy my friend, I have far more experience and wisdom about this lifestyle than you do, I can promise you that. Leanne (vandalizer) was a friend of mine for several months prior to this incident. She had lived in my home, did work for me, and basically just needed help from a crisis she had at her own home with parents. This whole event escalated because I was ending the relationship with her once I realized she was sliding back into her addictive cycle. She was a good girl for quite some time. We had amazing chemistry, the sex was incredible and we did indulge in 2 threesomes. Not with Kelly though. Kelly and I did that with another one of my former sugarbabies who is a model and actress. I don’t ask or manipulate these situations, I just create an atmosphere for this type of frolic and am fortunate to have the resources and cozy environment to create it. I’m not on this blog like most of you posting comments about mindless chatter. I have no time for it. Someone brought it to my attention that I was getting a bashing on here so I felt it necessary to come on and defend my position. Perhaps the outcome isn’t what I expected, but so what, thats on me. I made a decision, took a risk, and accepted the consequences. I still earn an extraordinary living, have a wonderful lifestyle. And a new stunningly beautiful sugarbaby who believes all of this is an absolute joke and those girls were pathetic to have concocted a rape accusation (there was no sex that night) and vandalized my car. I talk to friends of Kelly’s and Leanne’s regularly, they are both still unemployed and both still addicted to drugs. When they approached me (at different times) they expressed an interest in changing their lives. I attempted to create opportunities for them to get jobs and get back into school. You all are forgetting that we knew each other for several months prior to the incident. I was once very close to both of them. I’ve let it go, I wish you all well and thank you for your feedback. I’m moving on

DaddyGTsays:

@B
There are a lot of surprising people in the poly/open-marriage hall of fame. Will Smith and Warren Buffett being two of the most commonly cited examples.

On a related note, I think that as sugar dating increasingly hits the public consciousnesses, its time to proudly claim the lifestyle, and compile our own Hall of Fame. Off the top of my head …. The Heff, Charlie Sheen, and George Clooney**. Any other overtly proud sugar daddies? Or indeed overtly proud and in the public eye sugar babies?

**Whilst I have never heard of allowances etc with George Clooney, there is no denying that he is probably a great mentor, and that being with him will do wonders for any aspiring actress/model’s career.

Rwberksays:

Ok folks, lets get a couple things made clear. Regarding the letter campaign to the parents. Because I have a background in civil litigation and am well aware of my legal rights as a plaintiff in a damage suit case. Kelly and Leanne were (and still are) indigent young ladies who had no means to pony up the money required to repair my vehicle. When I entered the application in civil court there was no check box to go on a TV show. For the record, I have been pursued previously by producers from Dr. Phil show and also Judge Judy. The rather manipulative producer from Swift Justice was very persistent as I kept declining to go on the show. In the end, she won out because I knew that if I had a judgement on the girls in civil court they might take 3-5 years to pay the money back. The show promised payment on the judgement (and an appearance fee of 1000$) within 30 days. In the interest of putting the whole issue behind me it seemed reasonable to try and fight it on the show. Now, having said that, I was told up until taping day that Judge Joe Brown would preside over the case. They switched it at the last minute to get the kind of show they wanted.

Bsays:

Jennie, your SD sounds like he needs to be introduced to imaginative use of pruning shears!
Poly interests me a bit – I found out the other day that one of my oldest friends is in an MFMF relationship, with a primary couple who each also have another lover. All very intriguing.

DaddyGTsays:

@DorkyGuy
You crack me up. I do like the suggestion of going dutch on the SA fees too. The girls have it free anyway, don’t they? Hahahaha

@Allison
Shallow and honest is good. That about sums me up quite nicely. Like midwest and a few others have said though, the pickier you are, the longer it will take you to find the right person. Hang in there. Meanwhile, hang out here.

@ContentSB
Thanks for the heads up. Will hunt for the episode. Working incredibly hard on the new business so don’t get to watch much TV though. Needing decisions to be unanimous though, is just asking for trouble.

@SD Guru If I cut through the chase, it seems swinging is just like polyamory but without the pretense of “love”, no?
Wrong. Swinging is all about the sex. Couples meet up with other groups of people for just sex. Sometimes other couples or people they know, sometimes strangers. But the key is that it is all about the sex.

Polyamory is different. You can have a ‘traditional’ MF couple where the M might be seeing another F with the full knowledge and consent of his primary F. Ultimately, poly is about being cool with those you love also loving other people. Whether you play together or not, is not the point, and in fact is quite rare.

Let’s not over think it and make it more complicated than it is.
Amen

@Nico
Hahaha. Once you get to a quad, particularly one that needs pen and paper to explain, it can get very messy. It need not be filled with drama though. People just need to draw boundaries and stick to them. Again, wanting unanimous decision making is never going to work.

@ContentSBWould polygamy be considered a form of polyamory?
Yes. The vast majority of poly relationships I have come across have been either some form of polygyny (one man with several women who are themselves just monogamous with him), and polyandry (one woman with several men who are themselves just monogamous with her). Both polygyn and polyandry are forms of what society calls polygamy. Another form is the group marriage, such as the quad arrangement @Nico refers to. This is very rare to find. Most ‘quads’ are effectively two distinct primary poly couples that play together.

@Jennie
Don’t knock yourself too much about this bad pot SD. Chalk it down to experience, and move on. Remember, above everything else, you need to feel safe, and feel comfortable in any arrangement. Your pot SD just sounds like a passive agressive tool.

@Samantha
I think SD Guru put is best in his assessment. The one thing I did not get is any sense that @Rwberk, is taking any responsibility for his rather poor judgement. Plus, going on TV? Not so wise … nobody is going to come out of that looking good. Congrats on the tattoo. I’m jealous.

wow what a day does to this blog page!!! jus thought of sharing the tal i had with my SD,yesterday and today…well,cleared things and glad to know he loves me a lot,would be happy to have me and not wanting to find another SB inspite of the fact i thought he was here..well i hope that its not really him,sometimes ,because of the agreement that goes with this kind of relationship makes trust really important and somewhat re assuring..glad to know that some here feels that maybe it can be more than what it is here,but hey we can only live in hope!
happy to know my SD see the future with me,although i knew from beginning he cant be with me 100% for personal reasons i already knew even before i fell inlove with him and not expect him actually to change things on his part unless he decides to do so…all i want is OUR realtionship is clear and what questions asked will be answered as reasonably as possible..
what was discussed where the following things:

me; hmm darling,are you looking for another SB?
him: no,particularly i am very happy with you only.second,will never cope and wont have time.
me:so,are we in a monogamous SD/SB relationship?as this is one thing we never discussed because of other situations in my life before?
him:i cant be with you 100% but i m always here for you,happy to be with you BUT if you find another SD that you might think will give you 100% of their time that i cant then i will be happy for you..but until then i will not know how i will feel when you finally have another SD.

his profile has already been closed since he met me.
my profile is still on a sugarsite.although,reply to emails but ot really seeing any potential SD until i thought we have discussed things. we agreed to commit 6 months and see how it goes,that 6th months was yesterday.
so all other things were sorted,obviously how i feel for him is my responsibility too as much as him.he feels that he is responsible for me falling inlove with him,but the thing is atleast i knwo that it is mutual and he is happy to carry on the burden of having me as an SB who is a person,not someone only for £££ gain,but for alot more things.very hard to balance it i admit but we are only after human beings,who has feelings,genuine thoughts and affection.
so,we ended the talk by making it run for another 5months and see if this will still be as it is by that time.
so i think if there are quesions needing answers if the SD is open in ansering them anyway,is just ask t make it a bit more comfortable.

Samanthasays:

I just gotta say that Rw– whatever his name is, isn’t responding back after faults were found in his retort. I’m sorry but after hearing him talk more, the more I don’t feel sorry for him at all. He should have stuck to his guns and went to regular court. And more so if he doesn’t drink at all then why did he give underage girls alcohol? I would have thought it he was getting rid of the SB’s then he would have given them a good enough amount to just make it be the end of it? There’s an endless amount of ways that he could go about this situation better. Writing the letter to the parents just is an unforgivable stunt. I know if either of my parents found out they would instantly disown me. There’s no wiggle room when it comes to getting paid for any type of intimacy (including arm candy). I mean some of my trusted friends (and some people that I thought were trusted but I know are harmless) know about my sugar lifestyle.

I am pleased to say that the jerk that tricked me right before Christmas has not contacted me! Yay!

Also on a happy note my tattoo will finally be getting finished tomorrow. I’ll post a pic if I can

Sd GURU, No. I talked to him on the phone and he seemed nice. His roommate even called to tell me all about how great he was, and how he took her in when she had nowhere to go. He just seemed like a really really nice person. The only thing I could think of was when they talked about evicting his roommate’s former boyfriend. But she had insured me in our conversation that it wasn’t the potential sd’s fault. I’ve had to deal with situations where ive had to evict unwanted roommates who had overextended their welcome before. I didn’t think of it as being psycho.

ContentSBsays:

@Nico — Oh my gosh…I can’t even imagine the amount of drama between 5 people. That would require SO much communication and work. Sometimes I can barely keep one person happy..I can’t imagine trying to keep 4 in good spirits, plus still feel good myself. More power to them though! Oh, and the blog gods never put us in touch. What’s up with that?

@DaddyGT — I don’t want to beat a dead horse…but I have another question. Would polygamy be considered a form of polyamory? I imagine it would be…because as you said your ideal situation would either be a bi female who would be willing to bring in another woman into your relationship…or date another female separately. Polygamy seems to align with the latter.

Nicosays:

Content and DaddyGT. My best girlfriend in in a polyamorous relationship but I would have no idea of how to assign the MFMFF to it all. They are a quad MFMF and then there’s my girlfriend. Too hard to explain without pen and paper. While I’m familiar with much of that lifestyle it takes sooooo much work. It wouldn’t surprise me if decision making was unanimous because there’s sooooo much drama.

ContentSBsays:

@DaddyGT — Thanks for the explanation between polyamory and swinging. Very informative This next comment is going to make me sound so vapid, so I apologize, but I can’t resist lol. The most recent episode of Private Practice featured a polyamorous couple (FMF) and it was interesting to see the workings of their relationship (albeit created for entertainment purposes). They had a rule that all decisions had to be unanimous to avoid any one person feeling like a 3rd wheel. Anyway, thanks again for taking the time to explain

Midwest SBsays:

Hi Kara! Welcome to the blog!

I love your energy and have a few suggestions. Can you crop the pic you have with the young man? You have a fabulous smile and it’s a very welcoming picture. Make this your default pic. If you don’t have an editor, use Picasa. It’s free and easy. I like the pic in the gray dress as it shows off your figure, but wish you had that bubbly smile! I would take down the one with your knee up and the one with your arms up over your head. One face and one full body are typically sufficient. In the profile, I would suggest a shorter paragraph about what you seek and include a quick paragraph about what you will do for the right SD. Are you available to travel (after the first meet)? Can you be discreet? Do you enjoy a drama-free relationship? If you’re in advertising, I’m sure you can find the right catch phrases to capture the attention of the demographic you seek.

You will have a small challenge with your age. Many men prefer to take out a woman who can have a cocktail or wine with dinner. You may also have to weed out the pervs who seek the youngest possible woman they can have. In between, you may find that nice, older gentleman who wants to help that young student.

There is a great post “Marketing Yourself as a Sugar Baby” among others under the Sugar Daddy Dating Tips section on the right side. Peruse this and the other topics for some great ideas.

Lastly, it has usually taken me about four months to meet a great SD. Hang in there and be patient! Good luck!

The truth is, both SBs and SDs should go in prepared to invest and lose time and money with potentials that are not right for them.

@HGirlwhat is the role of sex for you (personally) in SB/SD relationships?

The role of sex in sugar is no different than in any other type of adult relationship. It takes mutual attaction and chemistry and it happens between two consenting adults. Let’s not over think it and make it more complicated than it is.

@AsianSBTo SDguru, the reasons why women go into escorting could be the same as most SBs.

In my blog I described my transition or evolution from escorts to SB’s in the “Evolution of a SD” series. I didn’t call it an upgrade like DaddyGT did, but in effect I made the transition and never went back.

@jennieHmmm. Looks like I might end up on court t.v. too. I just got a letter from my last potential sd.

I think you definitely found the SD from hell!! Why don’t you dare him to find a lawyer crazy enough to take his case? Was there any warning signs about his mental state that you might have missed prior to the meeting?

KaraSugarsays:

And my user id is: 782665

KaraSugarsays:

Hi all!
This is extremely off-topic. However, I need your help! I have been apart of the SA community for around 2 months now and I have not found a SD. Can someone PLEASE look at my profile and let me know what I should change in my profile?
Thank you in advance,
K

DaddyGTsays:

@AllisonI would think that you should know if a girl is really going to give you some after two meetings. I mean, we already do. lol.
I agree with your entire comment. Your statement above though, is precisely the problem. Many guys can’t tell. Plus, many girls will try to fake it. Similarly, many girls can’t tell the guy’s intentions. And many guys will try to fake it by promising the earth!

@Jennie
Hahaha. Thank you for sharing the entertainment. Your pot SD sounds totally barmy. I’ve met guys like that. I remember being at a club once, where a guy caused a scene because some girls that he had bought a bottle of champagne for did not want to leave with him!

Just to be sure though, make sure you keep copies of all the emails he has sent you, and you him. True, don’t reply, ignore him, but keep a paper trail, so you can tell the whole story, should he ever decide to haul you to court.

And I think it is SD Guru who keeps saying. It is never a good idea for the SB to travel for the first meet. Certainly not 7 hours. Even if the guy is paying.

The funny part is that ive stopped replying to him. I’m sure ill get about 14 more emails. It’s ok. He can get it out of his system. I refuse to respond. But it is fun to read. I get my laugh for the day.

Midwest SBsays:

Jennie – He is certifiable! There is truly no need to reply. Please resist any temptation to do so. It sounds as if he is pulling every stop to get a reaction from you as none of his allegations hold water. Responding to him only opens the door to more unnecessary and outrageous accusations. NEXT!!!

KindredSpiritsays:

EnglishRose~”I’ve always believed that there’s more than ‘one true love’ for every person in the world. And I also think that nobody can expect any other one person to be everything they want, there will always be one thing missing, people aren’t perfect. So it would make sense that you could love 2 people at the same time, as they each fufill different needs/wants.”

Allison~”I’d rather a guy not promise me anything rather than to lie to me about wanting give me something because I’m going to expect it. Naive or not, I’m a person of my word and I expect others to be that way as well. And if they’re not, I feel I’m rightfully disappointed and upset with them.”

My very favorite quotes of this whole entire post. I feel the same way on both accounts, and I guess so strongly that I wanted to repeat your words. Meant a lot to me to read them, thank you both so much!! 😀

@ rwberk~ really appreciated hearing your side of things, also like when one of the gals from the Dr. Phil show posted her experience on the blog after that show aired. The TV world is meant to be a bit mind-numbing and brain-washing AND mystifying so viewers lose sight of reality (escape from it completely for an hour or so, as well). It’s a breath of fresh air to hear a little more of what goes on inside the boob tube (the lies, the drama, editing affects behind the scenes) rather than just hear all the predictable reactions from bloggers watching it. Of course, your experience is a perception as well, and whether THE truth is different, your perception IS true to you so I rule out judgement of you lying so to make friends here. 😉 You shared so you could be heard. Are some facts off? Possibly, as other bloggers have noted, but. I still appreciated hearing from you about your experience. Different perspectives, perceptions, realities and experiences bring different Ideas of how things may or may not work. Thanks.

Nicosays:

Wow, Jennie ~ CRRAAZZZYYYYY!!!

Hmmm. Looks like I might end up on court t.v. too. I just got a letter from my last potential sd. He’s demanding that I pay half for the plane ticket to fly me out. He also wants me to pay for the time that he took off work to be with me. He somehow thinks that I’m responsible for paying for a decorator to come in and decorate his house too. I’m highly entertained.

NPaul ~ My guess would be his comment would be directed toward the Judge indicating she supports women getting an education and being independent. Just seemed to flow that way for me.

Midwest SBsays:

Thank you DaddyGT! *blush*

I find your perspective tends to align with mine as well. I have to thank you for the “polyamorous vs. swinging” explanation. I’m open-minded to the relationships of others even though I tend to be a one-man kind of lady, so that was a whole new outlook.

Allison – well said!

DaddyGTsays:

@Midwest SB
I have been reading this blog for a couple of weeks, meandering from one post to the next in the archives, and particularly enjoying the comments, learning a lot, and helping to clarify my own thoughts so I can do better in my sugar dating when I get back into the game.

Just dropping this note to say thank you for your incredible posts. After going through a few blog posts, I started being on the lookout for your posts, in any comments (even through your name evolution).

Maybe it is because I agree with most of what you write, but thank you anyway.

There are a few other SBs I’d like to thank too, and will, but your posts in the blog archives really resonated with me.

Allisonsays:

On the whole sex before sugar thing…I would think that you should know if a girl is really going to give you some after two meetings. I mean, we already do. lol.

If she can passionately kiss you and let her touch her, there’s a big big chance that she’s sexually attracted to you. It would gross me out to make out with some guy who I wasn’t attracted to. I’ve never slept with a guy I didn’t like but I would imagine it would be much easier to have sex than to kiss him. At least you can zone out during the sex. The whole reason for me getting to know someone first is seeing whether we can get along outside of the sex. I mean, I wouldn’t want me SD to give me money and have sex with me then 2 weeks later think “this bitch is annoying as hell, I gotta cut her loose”. Regardless of NSA, I wouldnt think anyone would want to be dropped in a short amount of time if they are really looking for more than sex with their SB or SD.

I’m new to this site but I’ve had sugar relationships IRL and the men always gave me money and/or gifts before sex. Not as much as I’ve gotten after sex, but enough to let me know that they were serious about helping me out financially. If we’re kissing and groping, sex is almost a given, as long as the guy doesn’t fluck up. lol. I would NEVER sleep with a guy who promises me the world but says he won’t give me a dime until I have sex with him. You don’t have to give the full allowance but you should be showing your SB what’s to come as she is doing for you.

DaddyGTsays:

@AsianSB

Your blog is very interesting. Just read through bits of it. I particularly like your “definition of an SB”. Very interesting.

And about my comment on upgrading, I did not mean it in a judgemental way. In fact quite the opposite.

Surprising as it might be to many, a lot of escorts in London do just that, ‘escort men to events’ with no sex. That said, for the vast majority, there is sex expected, and involved. Many of the SDs I know, who have SBs, met as John+Escort, and then decided to change to a SB/SD relationship. For me, it is a step up for both, without any judgement on my part on either the John or the Escort. Each to their own, and god knows I have enough perversions of my own to ever cast the first stone.

DaddyGTsays:

@VA Gentleman

I think I will agree 100% with what you wrote.

One question I like to ask pot SBs, is “What do you think the sugar is for you are being paid for?”(Because as uncomfortable as it might be to speak about in polite society, as long as money is changing hands in one direction, someone is being paid!) Their answer to this shows me whether they have actually thought about sugar dating, (I mean, really thought about it) and to an extent whether we are on the same page about what we are looking for. Similarly, a pot SD should ask themself “What do I think I am paying for?”. If anything, an honest assessment of this will help clarify whether you should be sugar dating, at all. Unless you are honest with yourself, about this, you will forever be disappointed.

I only sugar dated for a couple of years, and even then, I’m not sure I have the answer figured out. Everyone will have have a different answer to the question above. None of them are wrong. They should however inform a whether sugar dating is for them, and similarly, which SB/SD they are best off pairing up with. Am I just paying for the sex? No. Have I felt at times like she was just having sex for the ££? Yes. I do tend to walk away very quickly though when I feel like that.

My ideal SB is one who is sufficiently attracted to me that she would probably date me anyway IRL, but couldn’t, because she might have to work a second job to cover her CC bill, or whatever.
* So, I am using my ££ to buy her more free time, and peace of mind, time which she will hopefully choose to see me. (I’m a hopeless romantic, and still holding out on meeting the love of my life via sugar dating )
* On a related note, sugar dating allows me to meet and date women that I probably would never have met in the circles I revolve in. My ££ buys them an entrance into a world they might never have been exposed to. Plus, it buys me entrance into their world. Refreshing!
* Finally, sugar dating is a great way to have fun. There is not much difference between my sugar dating and my IRL. The one thing sugar dating allows, is honest conversations about expectations, whether it is about NSA, time commitments, discretion, or whatever, that one cannot normally have in any other dating sphere. Sugar is therefore a nice way of being able to get these awkward conversations out of the way before hand.

Sugar dating is not just about the sex, although (In my case), the sex is expected and is a great bonus. Similarly, I like to have SBs who don’t think that it is all about the ££, although the ££ is expected.

The concept of Sugar committment first followed by a slow evolution of sex –maybe –if you are feeling it –doesn’t fly with me . You can delay Sugar AND sex until both of you decide that you want to go forward with an arrangement.

This is where the problem lies, and unfortunately, I have never seen a trivial way to solve it. SB worry about pot SDs who are just in it for just one thing, and will walk away the minute they get it, without ever giving sugar, or enough sugar to meet the SB’s expectations. SDs are worried about pot SBs that are just after ££, and who will get as much of it as they can from a SD, and then walk away without ever getting sufficiently intimate.

The truth is, both SBs and SDs should go in prepared to invest and lose time and money with potentials that are not right for them. Know yourself. Above all, know what you want, and explicitly what you don’t want, and be prepared to cut your losses and walk away at any stage in the negotiations or indeed relationship.

“A lot of SDs in London started off with an escort who then got upgraded to a SB.”
To SDguru, the reasons why women go into escorting could be the same as most SBs. They only don’t know better and probably prefer doing so in pursuing what they want. In my opinion, escorts are a very unique breed of women, I won’t elaborate as it’s irrelevant… and I don’t see it as an upgrade, it’s just a means to an end. I am not speaking for escorts. p4p is not for everybody, especially for younger girls. Escorting is never glamorous, it’s never one’s dream to be one if given a choice but it’s one avenue to achieve monetary goals… So if ya’ll ever meet an escort who really isn’t the type that have shallow reasons to do escorting, give them the benefit of a doubt.

Va Gentlemansays:

@HGirl
I do have a question for your guys though – what is the role of sex for you (personally) in SB/SD relationships?

Sex is mandatory in a SD/B relationship for me .

WHEN intimacy occurs is perhaps negotiable as is Sugar donation . IRL a dating relationship evolves over time in it’s own natural way , but no allowance exchanges hands . The couple is together purely because they want to be . Sugar dating is different in that Babies expect a Sugar committment and generally men expect intimacy . The concept of Sugar committment first followed by a slow evolution of sex –maybe –if you are feeling it –doesn’t fly with me . You can delay Sugar AND sex until both of you decide that you want to go forward with an arrangement. But that is more of a IRL situation isn’t it ?

Midwest SBsays:

RWBerk – Guru said it best. My two cents is that although destruction of your property was immature, it can be fixed. Writing letters to parents does not reflect well on your character. Nor does “rewarding bad behavior” by continuing to have relations with known drug users. If this is unacceptable behavior in your world, why did you have one of them living with you? Poor decisions were made on your part and unfortunately it became a public spectacle. Your”SBs” give the rest of us a poor reputation and you facilitated the drama. You may be a good man…perhaps the white knight in you thought you could put the girls on the right track. I won’t judge you, but I hope you have learned a great deal. The money you’ve spent could have been better used at a legitimate charity.

HGirl – Sugar does tend to intensify and rush the intimate side…particularly for the married gents. Most gentlemen won’t bring it up before the first few dates. If he crosses your boundaries, then walk away. Some women will not think twice to immediately engage in the conversation and agree to sex on the first date before meeting someone. It doesn’t mean you have to as well. All that said….flirting over dinner and a smoldering kiss goodnight is usually a good indication to a gentleman that you are worth the wait.

DaddyGTsays:

@Classy.MilfI find the complexities of the many types of relationships we develop in our lives very fascinating. There are as many differences as there are similarities in the many scenarios.

Hahaha. Poly relationships can be as full of drama as vanilla relationships. Multiply that by the number of people involved, and it can get very colourful.

You are definitely a woman after my own heart. I agree with you 100%. The complexities of relationships fascinate me too. In some ways, that was my initial draw to sugar dating. I find that people who have self selected to pursue what society deems to be a non traditional relationship (including sugar dating, and polyamory), are more fun to be around, and generally have less drama.

@Rwberk
I found the entire episode deplorable and unfortunate that this case was on the show. I will say there were many wrongs in the entire situation on both sides. May I suggest you keep in mind the reasoning behind “age of majority” as you continue in Sugar. I have to agree on many points made by SD Guru.

@ DorkyGuy
**I noticed that Brandon’s blog entry on the WYP site actually suggests that members to take their disputes to television judges and includes links to the shows.**

Seriously!!?? wow …. maybe Brandon can reply here and explain that for us.

DaddyGTsays:

@Guru
I was actually going to respond to @Rwberk about the video, but you certainly hit the nail on the head in your summary. I agree with what you wrote 100%, particularly the bit about involving the parents. I had a horrid experience with a SB once. Instead of trashing my car, it was my front door. I took it as a lesson learned, wrote of the SB and the ££ I had spent, and moved on. Sometimes, just walk away, and be glad that all you lost is monetary.

@EnglishRoseI’m really curious though about what you said about London swimming with SDs though! Are you from England? I just struggle a lot to find genuine SDs over here & am constantly trying to arrange long distance meets (a real hell I can tell you). Have you meet good London SDs on the site then??

London is full of SDs. That said, it is also full of escorts. At this point, I might need to qualify this a bit. A lot of the escorts in London work more like what sounds like P4P sugar babes. And there are a lot of these in London. Being a short hop away from the rest of Europe, and in particular, Eastern Europe, means that there are a lot of attractive women in this game. A lot of SDs in London started off with an escort who then got upgraded to a SB.

Go to the theatre, or better yet, the opera, and you will see a lot of *ahem* older gentlemen with very young and very attractive women on their arms. Go to bars in a few choice hotels, and you will see a combination of hookers, escorts, and pot SBs aggressively pursuing wealthy men.

My SB dating has been on hold for a couple of years, ever since I left London. Heading back there later in the year, and hopefully I will meet an agreeable SB when I get back.

@Rwberk

Thank you very much for posting your side of the story. Until you spoke up, the only point of reference we had was the television show, which painted you in a very poor light. If both girls are heavy drug users, as you say, then that explains a heck of a lot, including why you might not want to give them more cash than they needed.

I also think there is near-unanimous consensus that the judge ruled wrongly, and the verdict wasn’t anything close to “justice”. You should have been compensated for your damaged property.

I don’t think many question your decision to take them to civil court… although the decision to go on television was probably ill-advised… (a point on which I am sure you agree).

A curious observation… I noticed that Brandon’s blog entry on the WYP site actually suggests that members to take their disputes to television judges and includes links to the shows. Not sure what to think of that, although I am sure he has good reasons.

DaddyGTsays:

@HGirlI do have a question for your guys though – what is the role of sex for you (personally) in SB/SD relationships?
I can only speak for myself. Sex is very important in a relationship. Otherwise it is not really a relationship. That said, I do want an actual relationship with my SB. Even if it is NSA, I still want a relationship, and not just sex.

I have it basically straight on my profile that I’m not interested in a sex for money trade, but I still get guys trying to explain they EXPECT sex. ..snip.. They’re pushy about it too – it has to be guaranteed. It’s not like I’m being pushy about a dollar amount he has to pay. What if I just e-mailed them explaining I demand a full payment in cash?

There are a couple of problems.1. One is that a lot of guys have genuinely been burned by a pot SB who takes them for a ride, who strings them along for all the £££ she can get out of it, and then ditches them. With no intimacy. Unfortunately, as a genuine pot SB, you have to prove that you are not like that. Girls like this make is so much more difficult for any genuine pot SB to indicate that she is happy to be intimate with the right SD, without coming across like she’ll just string any pot SD along. I think I am socially mature enough to know when there is genuine connection with a pot SB. A lot of pot SDs are not, hence the crazy “will you sleep with me?”. I am fortunate in that I can afford to write off any ££ in my search for the right SB. A lot of pot SDs are not.

2. You will also run into guys who really should be calling an escort, instead of attempting to be a SD. For these guys, intimacy, not dating is their primary goal. Screen, screen, and screen. Weed these guys out, and don’t give them the time of day. Such guys too, make it more difficult for genuine SD who might want to indicate that they do expect intimacy, without sometimes coming across like that’s all they expect. At the same time, any socially mature SB should be able to indicate attraction to a pot SD, and hint at intimacy, without needing to jump into the sack right away.

This is totally ridiculous – especially the older guys seem to think this is okay. You’re over 50, it clearly states on my profile what I want, but you still haven’t figured out how to carry a conversation with a woman?
The very sad truth is that a lot of people you will meet here, are ££ rich but totally socially inept. Even the older guys. Guys, if you are here because you are desperate for any woman, you are doing it wrong. Communicating on the internet too, does not help matters. The anonymity of the internet makes some guys (and girls) say things that they would never say IRL. If you find yourself doing this, you are doing it wrong.

I would definitely like it to develop there too, but I want it be natural from mutual attraction. It just seems so ridiculous to me that they’re basically asking me to clear my calendar for a sex date.
I totally agree with you. Ultimately, “Will we ever be intimate” is a question that is implicitly asked in any relationship. And as IRL, it is a question best answered non verbally. By date 1 or 2 with a pot SB, I can tell I think I can tell whether there is mutual attraction, and I make my decisions based on that assessment. I would never ask a IRL pot girlfriend to set a timetable for getting intimate. Similarly, I would not ask the same from a pot SB.

@stormcat sorry for divorce will drink one for you tonight!

@VA gentleman thanly our for your toughts and advice,really helpful and thought things through and actually had the courage to tell him and atleast the talk we will have is not as fraught as i thought it would be – i hope so!

@lola yeah maybe help us a bit with that magic wand eh? felling like i am living in narnia for a while now lol 😉 xxx lovely lovely fantasy

@SD guru thank you and i will keep those things in mind as i am only new to this kind of set up,still abit shaky.

@midwest SB yes i gave it a twirl and i hope it will go ok,either way i am happy i experienced having a good first SD/SB realtionship rather than having had one where i was completely unhappy!

wow yeah a lot of late activities here !!! and cant keep up with everyone,but thanks to all you ladies and gents for all wise words xxx

@DaddyGT
*Just for the record, polyamory and swinging are different*
I am well aware of the difference. I was asked to be in polyamorus relationships a few times and have always said no (personal reasons). A very dear friend of mine asked me to join him and the couple he was involved with five years ago. My instincts told me the whole arrangement was a train wreck waiting to happen and I was right. One divorce complete, another pending , 2 continents, 3 children involved and a now deadbeat dad … 5 years later my friend (the children are not his) is doing ok and recognises the issues that I warned him of in the beginning. He is still a firm believer in poly as am I, but we both know he is lead with his heart and I listen to that little voice in my head that has never been wrong. I am so glad we are still good friends and we hope to meet up later this year and tour Europe. We joked about him being my SD but that could never happen and he is very supportive of my SD quest. Maybe I should have him do a video interview with me …lol. I find the complexities of the many types of relationships we develop in our lives very fascinating. There are as many differences as there are similarities in the many scenarios.

Midwest SBsays:

Good morning sugars!

Generally speaking, we have to have completely trust in our instincts and grow a thick skin. Stop thinking that you will meet a quality sb/sd quickly. Instead, look at it as finding the perfect job. Take a large number of applications, interview the top 10% and pick the BEST. It will take months, a lot of e-mails and a lot of bad dates. It’s just part of the process. If your instincts send up flags, don’t second guess it. If it walks like a duck…. If it’s too good to be true….. Walk away. Sugar takes work, time and patience, but the rewards can be incredible. Like that perfect job, not everyone is going to find it, but those who pursue it with passion do.

GT said it best “actually walk away”. This will separate you from the rest of the desperate or insecure women who will take unnecessary chances. YOU will not reward bad behavior.

Tough love and kisses!

@englishrose
yes i am a Londoner! well on this site there are a lot of SD’s that get in touch with me but because i waited for this talk today -soon actually!!!! in an hour omg!! i kept turning down potential SD’s from this site although i just send some hello’s and reply to their email i didnt go further than that for now- i want to clear things up wth my current SD- i was lucky,he is so good to me,hence i fell inlove with him…well for info’s sake,the feeling is mutual as he admitted he loves me -too much infact …so,quite upset when i thought he was on this site! but hey,i am not entitled to all his time and all i want is a clear set up on that angle as all was covered except the agreement if we are monogamous or not,which i hope will be discussed well today-

Obviously,those who contact me and beg to pay me for £100 per meet(how cheap) and dont want to go further than wanting ‘sex per meet’ i just ignore,but there were good ones too,who seem ok,but need time to get to know them,those few who are good are had to come by i know,but like i said sometimes it maybe a bit of luck,right timing and a really good photo ;)i met mine on the 3rd day i put my profile!and still with him lol!
although on my first ever profile,i didnt put a photo,got replies anyway,then weeded the bad and good,BUT among all,there was only one who kept his word,and kept me happy and makes me feel very very special,the reason i chose him… xxxx
oh,by the way,i am sure you will get one of those good SD’s i thought in the beginning i will wait ages,but as it happened i didnt and if not as quick as that,i would have waited for the right one anyway!keep sending winks,hi’s and hello’s to those you might think you like as potential SD’s and you never know you might actually get one soon xxx

@Rwberk

Welcome to the blog and thanks for sharing your side of the story!! I thnk most educated viewers would know that it was a made for TV drama meant to entertain the masses, so the truth be damned and I sympathize with you on how you were handled by the show. However, like every dispute IRL, there are 3 sides to the story: yours, theirs, and the truth is somewhere in between. I was going to write a full review of the video in my blog, but I’ll take this opportuity to address some of the issues you raised.

“I’ve been a sugardaddy for approximately 11 years… I’ve spent in excess of $300,000 in that time

In the video you also claimed that you’ve had 11 SB’s and have a $50k/year budget for your SB’s. I find it hard to believe that a man of your means would have had “only” 11 SB’s during that time, and that you were able to fund all those things you did for your SB’s on an average of less than $30k a year. Something doesn’t add up but maybe I’m just splitting hairs.

These arrangements are based on chemistry. Emotional and intellectual has to be there in order for intimacy to occur and have it be meaningful.

Fully agreed. But did you apply the same standard to Kelly and Leanne?

I met Kelly on POF. Both girls are toxic drug users who misrepresented who they were

Sounds like you do get around on all the dating sites, not just sugar! If both girls are drug users, and you don’t do drugs, and don’t drink at all (really?), then why in the world would you have anything to do with them in the first place?? They’re just trouble waiting to happen and you knew it, yet chose to get involved.

What they did to my vehicle was inexcusable

Agreed. But as a mature gentleman you should also take some responsibility for your own actions and poor judgement.

The letters to the parents were justified as a means to motivate them to pay back the money

I disagree. Getting their parents involved in this case was totally unnecessary and just adds to the drama. You might as well just sue the parents while you’re at it.

This story was NOT ABOUT 24$ at IHOP, but the fact I had asked Leanne to leave my home that day.

I agree the story shouldn’t be about $24 at IHOP, but the way you handled it left an impression on the viewers and that’s what most people talked about. As generous as you said you are, it would be easy to just give them a large bill instead of squabbling over a trivial amount.

I challenge any of you to an honest debate about what this site is about and its purpose.

There is no need to do that in the blog since most us already know what the site is for. The video certainly gave the wrong impression of what the sugar world is about, but that’s been an on-going battle ever since main stream media started to cover the topic.

Rwberksays:

I am the sugardaddy who was on Swift Justice episode. There are a few points I wish to clear up since the opinions being shared are not entirely reflective of me or my character. I’ve been a sugardaddy for approximately 11 years, I began this lifestyle several before this site or any other ever existed. I’ve spent in excess of $300,000 in that time funding things from cars, plastic surgeries, college tuitions and living expenses. I don’t pretend to be the “richest” or most successful sugardaddy, nor do I profess that every girl I meet gets the same treatment as another. These arrangements are based on chemistry. Emotional and intellectual has to be there in order for intimacy to occur and have it be meaningful. The girls on the show were both on this site over the past year and I met Kelly on POF. Both girls are toxic drug users who misrepresented who they were and so I was reluctant to provide huge allowances for them because I knew the money would go towards drug habit. I”m a non drug user and I don’t drink alcohol. There was no enticement on my part for them to engage in a threesome on that night. Leanne simply wanted to meet Kelly and she was free that night so she came over. There was no “setup” for a threesome and they both know that. What they did to my vehicle was inexcusable, and the “real reason” Leanne did it was because I was kicking her out of my house that day for her incessant drug use which was something I disapproved of. The letters to the parents were justified as a means to motivate them to pay back the money for the damage to the car. I would ask any of you (educated readers) that if someone slashed your tires, and did 2000$ worth of damage to your vehicle and you watched them do it, if you wouldn’t go to whatever lengths possible (within the law) to get your money back. I went to the police, they didn’t do anything because Leanne made up the rape story (admitted on TV) and Kelly corroborated for a minute. Leanne was in fact arrested and released at the scene where crime was committed. This story was NOT ABOUT 24$ at IHOP, but the fact I had asked Leanne to leave my home that day. I have spent 1000’s$ on both girls and they will of course dispute that because I’ve shamed them on television now. I took this case to civil court in LA, I didn’t pursue TV show, they came after me. I refused to go on a show with a woman judge from the beginning. They set me up, made the switch at the last minute when I had signed agreements that I wouldn’t pursue them in LA court. I was trapped and had to go on. I didn’t relish the idea from the beginning. This is the worst experience I’ve ever had and those girls will pay a much worse price than I could ever give them because their priorities are only to get high and indulge in questionable behavior. I won’t defend on here who I am or what I represent, but I will say to you nay sayers that if you were in my shoes I’m sure some of you would have done far worse than write letters to parents to try and get your money back. Brandon runs a legitimate site and I’m glad to be a member here. I can assure you I’m not fake or cheap. Perhaps I’m smart and not an idiot whose desperate for company… yea that would be more accurate. I have “verifiable” references of girls who would gladly tell you the lifestyles of provided them for many years. Contrary to what many of these men experience, 4 of my sugarbabies are still (years later) very good friends of mine. Why? Because we focused on a friendship first, not money and sex. I challenge any of you to an honest debate about what this site is about and its purpose.

DaddyGTsays:

@ContentSBExcuse my ignorance on the topic…but what is the difference between polyamory and swinging? Is swinging considered more frivolous whereas polyamory requires a deeper more meaningful emotional connection?

This is one that comes up all the time, and there is no real answer. The very short answer is that swinging would be more like escorting, whilst polyamory is more like sugar dating. Sex tends to be involved all the time in swinging, whilst it is not always involved in polyamory. That said, I think everyone has a fairly good idea what swinging is. Polyamory on the other hand, is a lot more complicated.

Typically, you start with a primary couple, say a MF. That couple might agree to allow each other to see other people. These outside relationships are sometimes with both members of the couple, sometimes with just one. The rules too, differ from one primary couple to the next. Some have a don’t ask don’t tell policy. Others have a more involved one. Other couples insist on ‘playing together’ (which gets closer to swinging).

One way to illustrate, is to give examples I have met at poly meets …

MFF – Husband and wife primary. Wife is bi. Has girlfriend. Husband monogamous to wife, but wife allowed to have a female lover

FMF – Husband and wife primary. Wife is bi. Additional F dating *both* wife and husband. Sometimes play together but not always. Girlfriend lives with couple. Almost like a polygamous marriage, but girl in love with both the husband and wife. ***

MFM – Met a woman who was there with her two boyfriends. The boyfriends new of each other, but never played together. Effectively the woman divided her time between the guys.

MF? – With one couple, the husband worked on oil rigs and was away for weeks at a time. Whilst he was away, the wife was free to see whomever she wanted. He did not want to know. Just that she was safe. But, when he was home, it had to be *his* time, and anyone else on the side would have to take the back burner.

MFMF – This one was the weirdest I ever met. Two couples. All of them claimed to be bi. All of them. And they all claimed to be in love with each other. Personally thought that this was a bit much. Way too complicated for me.

FFM – A lesbian primary couple. One of them though was more bi, and had an occasional boyfriend. The F1 was OK about it, as long as she knew in advance who F2 was with. Insisted on meeting any of the M too, if it was going to be an ongoing thing.

These are just a couple of examples. Everyone in a poly relationship will write their own rules. In that way, it is not very different from sugar dating. A lot like sugar dating though, successful poly dating depends on honesty, communication, honesty, and more communication. Yes, there is jealousy sometimes. Yes relationships break down. Yes, hearts are sometimes broken. Yes, poly is not for everyone. Yes, boundaries are broken.

Ultimately, polyamory is about accepting that you can get all the love you want from someone, without expecting them to *not love* anyone else. Any SB or SD who is seeing more than one person at a time is de facto poly. The difference between poly, and cheating, is that in a poly relationship, all the parties involved are aware of the situation. Whether they know the details or not is another story. But they are aware. So a SD might be aware that his SB has more than one SD, and that that is OK.

*** This FMF is closer to my ideal poly relationship. Me in a primary couple with a bi woman, and we can date another F together+++ . Either that, or I might date a secondary F alone. If either F1 or F2 is seeing another F, please regale me with the stories :-D. If another seeing another M, I don’t really want to know but I never demand monogamy from any F I am in a relationship with. My only restrictions are, not with any of my friends, not with any of my family, and not with the hired help. Other than that, all’s fair in love.

+++ Caused a stir a few years ago when my primary GF and I turned up for a smallish house warming dinner/party with another girl in tow. In introducing her to the group, my primary GF called her “Our girlfriend. Yes, we are both seeing her. Yes sometimes together.” Very very interesting conversations with other couples that evening.

Allisonsays:

@Tara, I don’t blame you for expecting the money. That is one of my pet peeves IRL relationships as well. I’d rather a guy not promise me anything rather than to lie to me about wanting give me something because I’m going to expect it. Naive or not, I’m a person of my word and I expect others to be that way as well. And if they’re not, I feel I’m rightfully disappointed and upset with them.

tarasays:

thanks everyone for your feedback i just wanted to let you all know that i did not ask for the 1200 i just told him about my situation and he offered to help me ( i know in my last post i did say i did ask but i guess i worded it a bit wrong) i honestly didn’t even expect the 100 that he gave me…only reason i got upset was the fact he did tell me he would help…but i came to realize if someone cares about more than just sex like he explained he would have helped a little more we both agreed not to take it to fast since it was my first time doing this and he told me he was looking for someone more than just sex….but if so he wouldn’t have tried to push it the first meeting. i hope my last post didn’t make me sound like a gold digger….so my question is how can you spot the fake ones out? not just for the money but lying in general

EnglishRosesays:

@Cupcakes and Condoms
Nico may be right, and he may have just had an unpaid membership all this time, but this would set off a little red flag for me (or maybe an amber flag?) Just keep it in mind & be a little bit more cautious of anything else he tells you. You have to sometimes give people the benefit of the doubt but your safety (and time) is valuable & if anything else pops up that sounds a little dodgy then I would drop him.

@Hgirl
I am totally with you on the point of letting a sexual relationship develop naturally. I wouldn’t dream of sleeping with a man on the first date IRL & this holds true for me in Sugarland as well. I believe a true gentleman SD will never ask about sex in the first few conversations/first date and certainly won’t push you into it. But…like we’ve all said many time, a true SD takes time to find. Sadly I think you’ll just have to put up with a lot of guys completely ignoring what you’ve stated in your profile, you just have to stay firm & hold your ground. Be clear at all times.
Don’t worry, no one thinks you’re a prude. Us girls just have class, heehee.

@Babydoll
I don’t think it’s ridiculous. We are human after all aren’t we? It’s just a matter of how well can this actually work out? For you and for him. If he doesn’t return your feelings then you’re in for a long & painful journey, and I would get out now to minimise the damage. I’m not sure it’s a good idea to keep that bottled up & just go on with a sugar relationship without saying anything, like the others I just smell a disaster, and probably one that’ll be more hurtful for you. If he does return your feelings…well…then it’ll be something you two would have to to discuss & figure out.
I’m really curious though about what you said about London swimming with SDs though! Are you from England?
I just struggle a lot to find genuine SDs over here & am constantly trying to arrange long distance meets (a real hell I can tell you). Have you meet good London SDs on the site then??

@jennie omg read bits of your things here,good you got home safe and i hope next time it wuld be a bit better for meet ups for you xxx

babydollsays:

@ nico and the rest of you wonderful people here,thank you for sharing insites to my post,well yeah,it may seem ‘ridiculous’ to fall inlove with an SD/SB but it wasnt something that was planned at all,it came naturally.yeah,we’ll discuss things today as we have committed to talk in 6 monts like a review of us,where we can say and talk about how we see this going and everythign else we may want to tell each other.so,fingers crossed,i hope i will be able to control how i feel and get back to the feeling of having my cake and eat it !!!! like what @english rose said… loool
wow london is a swimmimg place by the way for good SD’s, i got one 😉 good chat guys cheers xxxx

Hgirlsays:

Going back to the video – I think the judge was harsh on SA! These people using it were clearly were not on here for the right reasons. The guy was looking for hookers (how nasty and disgusting he is) and the SB were clearly not even interested in him at all, that’s majorly problematic. Secondly, there’s a difference between being with a guy who treats you versus being dependent on him. What poor representation of Brandon and this website!

I do have a question for your guys though – what is the role of sex for you (personally) in SB/SD relationships?

I have it basically straight on my profile that I’m not interested in a sex for money trade, but I still get guys trying to explain they EXPECT sex. Sometimes I’ll even be talking to a guy for a little while, and maybe it’s turning to the point where we would decide to meet, but of course he brings this up. They’re pushy about it too – it has to be guaranteed. It’s not like I’m being pushy about a dollar amount he has to pay. What if I just e-mailed them explaining I demand a full payment in cash? This is totally ridiculous – especially the older guys seem to think this is okay. You’re over 50, it clearly states on my profile what I want, but you still haven’t figured out how to carry a conversation with a woman?

I’m not a prude waiting for marriage for sex, if it happens – it happens. I would definitely like it to develop there too, but I want it be natural from mutual attraction. It just seems so ridiculous to me that they’re basically asking me to clear my calendar for a sex date.

@stormcat
oh I gotcha. That makes complete sense in the sugar world. What I was referring to was that his profile creation date didn’t match up with his statement but agreed, Nico cleared it up.

Cupcakes . . . ~ The only reason anyone wants to call someone on BS is to get them to quit BS-ing. And that won’t make any difference. So my philosophy is to take the high road and not even engage the person in the first place. Not worth the drama.

ContentSBsays:

@SD Guru and @DorkyGuy — Seriously. I just got messaged again tonight by a SD who sent me the same message several months ago. It’s actually kind of irritating, although I know it is an honest mistake.

ContentSBsays:

@DaddyGT — Excuse my ignorance on the topic…but what is the difference between polyamory and swinging? Is swinging considered more frivolous whereas polyamory requires a deeper more meaningful emotional connection?

@SD GuruOne feature I’d find very useful is “message history” where you can pull up a profile and see if and when you’ve already contacted that member.

Amen to that… About a month ago, I sent that exact request to Brandon and he forwarded it to one of his developers .

My impression is that they are putting most of their resources into developing their new sites (like WYP), and there is not a lot of development time available for SA. Maybe if a few other people made the same request, it would get bumped up the priority list?

Another feature I would find useful would be the ability to attach a note to a profile, containing info I might want to remember if I stumble across the profile again.

Cupcakes and condoms ~ Don’t waste your time! You wouldn’t change him and getting involved is just a setup for disaster, . . Yours! Simply block him, move on, and don’t give it another thought.

Cupcakes and Condomssays:

@Nico
Thanks for clarifying! I guess there’s still a lot I have to learn hahaha

Nicosays:

Cupcake ~ unfortunately the gents on this site must pay for their memberships. When their membership lapses they can still peruse the site but are limited in what they can do…assuming they cannot write/respond to emails. He may have created a profile a while ago but remain an unpaid member until he read your profile then renewed his membership so he could communicate with you.

Unfortunately, you cannot limit who can view your profile unless you hide it but, for obvious reasons, hiding it will eliminate you from searches and I feel safe in assuming this isn’t what you want to do

Good luck

Cupcakes and Condomssays:

@SD Guru
“You have an interesting handle, care to share the story behind it? Be careful about the true intentions of those who emailed you at this stage. I’m sure it’s nice to get the attention, but you’d wonder why they’d contact you without knowing anything about you while there are many completed profiles with pics to choose from.”

I didn’t mean there was nothing on my profile, just that I had not finished editing it. For instance I have spaced out my paragraphs and added more specifics now. I can email you my profile number or anyone for that matter (I don’t wish to share it with anyone who happens upon this blog) so you can see my story I suppose. Most of the emails I have received have mentioned that they like what I wrote on my profile and they like how articulate I am.

Also, I received an email today from a guy saying he joined SA after seeing my profile… First of all, how do I make it so only members can see my profile? Secondly I checked his profile and it said he joined last year… I joined 3 days ago. Should I call him on his BS or just be flattered?

Glad I posted here though. You guys and gals are top.

Grasshoppersays:

@EnglishRose Thanks..will definitely be on the lookout for that 2nd confirmation letter

EnglishRosesays:

@DaddyGT
You have a completely valid point, you’ll have to excuse me for generalisations! I actually find polyamorous very intriguing. I’ve always believed that there’s more than ‘one true love’ for every person in the world. And I also think that nobody can expect any other one person to be everything they want, there will always be one thing missing, people aren’t perfect. So it would make sense that you could love 2 people at the same time, as they each fufill different needs/wants.

Stormcat
Heehee, I’m blushing, honestly. That’s ever so sweet of you to say, I’m glad I’m back too, I really do love chatting to you all!

@DaddyGT
**And even for a single Daddy, you see the same faces over and over, and it gets very incestuous very quickly… Some are MFM, FMF, FFM, and indeed MFMF.
-SDGuru-
That sounds like a group orgy to me and I’m sure you’ve got some interesting stories to tell! **

DaddyGT – I think we could share some reeeeaaaly interesting stories 😉

English Rose ~ omg you’re soooo endearing! or is that charming? anyway, at least, your charm is endearing! I’m glad you’re back from your holidays. . . you were missed.

@EnglishRose
*I just accept that men and women are different, regardless of how much the modern world has tried to equalise us. And I mean that in the nicest way!*
@Emily
*Why does a man who likes fooling around with different women get married? If you like playing the field, then stay a bachelor.*
Great summary English Rose. If we approach Sugar in a manner that says there are just as many reasons for anyone to be here as there are Sugars you are less likely to ‘pigeon hole’ or ‘stereotype’ the others. Don’t get caught in the trap of trying to understand the other if you are not on the same page. Let them go and don’t judge. May I also say; that in doing this the scammers will essentially make themselves blatantly apparent. Learn good screening skills!
Know what you want and stick with it. The only one who can discredit your integrity is you.
@DaddyGT
LMAO … I had to read that twice! At first I thought you said motorboat !! Haha!
I think you & I will have to either respond more often or do point form or maybe just shut up … hehe. kidding …sort of.

EnglishRosesays:

RE: Attaching Videos
I really really love this idea, especially as I am not particularly photogenic and have been told I always look better IRL and on camera! It would be wonderful to have a chance to really stand out through your personality and…aura? I’m not too sure what other word to use! Basically we all know how difficult it is to get the right tone across when writing a profile, video would just be brillant! And I agree with Dorky that same sort of affiliation could be created without too much hassle.

Now..I’m not a expert with these sort of things, so feel free to step in & correct or agree with me
But couldn’t SA just allow for urls from youtube to be placed in your profile? Surely that would just be adjusting a small security feature on their website. It’s then up to the SB/SD to create a user & upload a video onto youtube…oh wait…just found the flaw in my own plan, on youtube you wouldn’t be able to choose “only people from SA to view this video” would you? 😛 Nevermind. Don’t listen to me…

DaddyGTsays:

@Emily and @EnglishRose

I can’t speak for the other daddies here, and I am not married. That said, as I alluded to above, I am polyamorous Follow the link to Google.

Your comments make sense if you assume that a person can only love one person, at any given time. Fortunately, there are a lot of us who don’t assume this. The Poly community is full of men, and women who choose (with varying degrees of openness), to love more than one person at a time. Some call them open marriages. There are no rules. Typically each primary couple will make their own rules. Some have a don’t ask don’t tell. Some units are for all intents and purposes poly marriages. Some are MFM, FMF, FFM, and indeed MFMF. Any combination you could come across.

Plus, a bit like sugar dating, the poly community gets its share of treatment both fair and unfair in the media

When I get married, it will be a poly marriage, and hopefully Mamma GT and I will be sugar dating together for a long time.

@SDGuru

Attaching video to profile has been suggested before, and it will require significant upgrade in the infrastructure.

There is no need for SA to re-invent the wheel and add a ton of new infrastructure. Just negotiate an affiliate agreement with one of a number of video hosting sites (like ScreenCast). A little work may be necessary to integrate the sites together (authentication keys and security), but that’s easy web development stuff. No hardware expense, no additional servers, no additional bandwidth. If they actually researched it, I think they might be amazed at how easily and cheaply video could be added to the site.

@DaddyGTAnd even for a single Daddy, you see the same faces over and over, and it gets very incestuous very quickly… Some are MFM, FMF, FFM, and indeed MFMF.

That sounds like a group orgy to me and I’m sure you’ve got some interesting stories to tell!

@DorkyGuy

You’re right, there may be ways to add video without significant infra investment. But as you know, there is no such thing as “easy” web development when it’s applied to a massive number of users. That said, I hope SA does find a way to add video at some point. One feature I’d find very useful is “message history” where you can pull up a profile and see if and when you’ve already contacted that member.

@EnglishRosethere are many cases where a man may be having sex with another woman (or more than one) but wouldn’t dream of having a relationship with her.

I think you’re giving us man too much credit. It’s not that we wouldn’t dream of having a relationship with women we have sex with. It’s that we’d rather have sex with women without the pretense of a relationship to get in the way. 😉

DaddyGTsays:

@Classy.Milf
Thank you for the welcome too. Love your long posts too. I sometimes worry that I am the only motor mouth on the internet. Good to know that I am in great company.

@GuruI’m shocked… SHOCKED, that there are characters of such ill repute on the site!!
Hahaha. I’m still surprised they let me in too. Reading through the blogs comments here, there seems to be a nice bunch of people.

… someone who is much younger and more attractive like in the sugar world. Basically the sugar keeps things NSA and provides access to younger/hotter women …
Guru, I agree totally, but with a twist. My last sugar relationships were with women younger than 25, and women older than 45 :-D. I am a sucker for older women. I find sugar dating a great way to meet amazing, open minded women that I would probably not meet in the circles I revolve in, both professionally, and socially. You invariably get invited to the same events, occasions and locations over and over and over again. And even for a single Daddy, you see the same faces over and over, and it gets very incestuous very quickly. Sugar is a breath of fresh air. Definitely beats crawling the singles’ bars, although I love heading out to the good bars with my beautiful sugar on my arm.

Daddy GT

EnglishRosesays:

@Emily – What it comes down to, I believe, is the fact that men have the ability to disconnect emotion from sex. For women it’s practically always going to be emotional for us, men…not so much. It’s a chemical thing.
And so, for a man, a woman he intends to marry, who he lives with and spends the majority of his time with, is completely different & elicits very different emotions from him then say one of his “flings” And there are many cases where a man may be having sex with another woman (or more than one) but wouldn’t dream of having a relationship with her.

Also, take into account that if you’re thinking of some of the married men on here, most of them probably didn’t think their marriage would turn out loveless or unsatisfactory. And they could well have been the “monogamous type” before getting married.

At the end of the day though, there are plenty of things I don’t understand about men. I just accept that men and women are different, regardless of how much the modern world has tried to equalise us. And I mean that in the nicest way!

EnglishRosesays:

PS. Yes, you can have your cake and eat it too. 😛 I think it’s a silly saying, but maybe I’m just terribly greedy. Oh dear

EnglishRosesays:

@Grasshopper – Ah! Well I can help you there I also had the same problem, but I then received a second confirmation email which was sent about 2 days after the “Account Verification” one. And then I could access Hopefully the same will work for you, just keep an eye out for another email!

@ContentSB ….interesting point about whether a married SD has the right to ask for monogamy from his SB. Obviously, you can always ask for anything, but whether or not something is a fair expectation….Surely the SD is just creating a hypocrisy?
Then again, another side of me would disagree and say that an SD being married may be the very reason he is looking for an SB in the first place, so he can have a relationship with a woman that he is happy with, and monogamy with that woman may be crucial..

Sorry, rather incoherent thoughts there!

Emilysays:

I have one question which will make me sound really out of place here in the Seeking Arrangement community. Why does a man who likes fooling around with different women get married? If you like playing thefield, then stay a bachelor.
I was in a live in situation in Massachusetts for three and a half years with a man who did nothing but cheat on me. In fact, he was talking about marrying me at onepoint. It turned out he had a sexual relationship going on with another woman when he first met me. I know I’ve mentioned this before and you’re probably tired of hearing it, but I am transgendered. Even though I was born the way I was, I can’t understand the thinking of a lot of men. Again, why do you get married if you have a roving eye?
The man I was with wasn’t wealthy. He made about 70 thousand a year, and was blue collar. He financially supported me, though. At first, I really loved this man, but when I realized he was cheating on me what we had just ended up becoming an arrangement. I am hoping to find someone who can help me financially, but would like to have feelings for someone, too. Not just be there for sex whenever he feels like it.

ContentSBsays:

@Nico — I would love that! I’ve never heard of sugar FB and didn’t see it in a quick google search (I could be having a blonde moment though lol). I’m ok with the blog gods sending my email your way though! I’m glad I’m not totally crazy and my thought process is shared by another SB

Nicosays:

Content ~ I absolutely see your point. I absolutely honor my SD and am monogamous even though I made it clear from the outset monogamy should not be expected. My very same argument to him on many occasions re: limitations on our relationship.

If you don’t mind, I would love to chat with you offsite…are you on sugar FB?

ContentSBsays:

@Grasshopper — Like EnglishRose I’ve recently signed up too. It looks like it has potential because it’s a pretty user-friendly site…but there’s just nothing on it right now.

RE: Married Men Monogamy — I understand that marriage doesn’t always equate to a fulfilling sex life. And while a married SD may be sexually monogamous to his SB, he still can’t be “with” her in the traditional sense. I actually like that my SD is married because emotional commitments freak me out, and his being married sets limitations on our relationship. However, because he can’t truly be in a real relationship with me, it seems odd to place restrictions on me. I’m currently adhering to his wishes because he does make me happy, and I don’t want an IRL relationship anyway because big commitment stresses me out, but I guess I’m admittedly selfish and want my freedom too. Can’t a girl have her cake and eat it too?

Grasshoppersays:

@EnglishRose Wow…you can actually access things??? I log in and click to view the little black book and it just leads me back to a login page – even though it clearly shows I am logged in already. Have tried this process in 2 different browsers multiple times and at various times..and no luck. When did you get approved..maybe that has something to do with it? I was sent my confirmation this morning. Ugh! Frustrating! But thanks for responding to my question! I feel a bit better that it is quite possibly a legit site.

@DorkyGuy
*you could post a video to Screencast*
I will look into that. I have several friends who are very supportive and would be happy to vouch for my character.
@Stormcat
You have crossed a milestone and I hope you enjoy the next chapter in your life.
@Anna Molly
I have enjoyed your comments!
@DaddyGolfTango
*I like confidence in a woman. Plus, a confident SB does not give off the “she’s just in this for as much money as she can extract from me” vibe, which I find very offputting*
-applause-
@NC Gent
*Big welcome to all the new bloggers!*
Thank you !
@Va Gentleman
*That is one reason why married SDs look for love/sex/companionship outside the marriage . An unhappy marriage can be a very lonely thing .*
I might add here that I know men who spend years watching their beloved wives slowly and painfully die. Don’t ask, don’t tell … the lady (not me) who provides him with what is missing also bears this burden in the knowing.
@SD Guru
*I’d suggest using a clear and concise style in the beginning and as you get to know the pot SD better you can be more verbose. This is probably a better approach than overwhelming him with too much information in a five page dissertation.*
I would only share the dissertation after several emails would determine an agreement to proceed and I do offer a warning as to length.
*Attaching video to profile has been suggested before, and it will require significant upgrade in the infrastructure. The bottom line is that on a mass market site where it’s free for SB’s, any changes that can add significant cost to the operation of the site need to be evaluated carefully from a business perspective.*
I can appreciate the time cost and man power restrictions. I will be looking into DorkyGuy’s suggestion for myself. My initial idea was an option on SA for SB’s to possibly apply to SA and be pre-screened to be able to Pay for this kind of distinction the same way the SD do.
@DaddyGT
Hi there fellow newbie !!

@DaddyGTI am polyamorous, have been for a while (even back when I was a lothario and two timing with different IRL girls).

I’m shocked… SHOCKED, that there are characters of such ill repute on the site!!

There are a lot of married men having affairs, and most of them are not for sugar.

While that may be true, there are two key differences between a sugar relationship and an “affair”. First, sugar is what keeps the relationship NSA. Most affairs eventually end up being messy and complicated because there are no clear boundaries. Second, most men have affairs with women who they’re normally able to date, not someone who is usually much younger and more attractive like in the sugar world. Basically the sugar keeps things NSA and provides access to younger/hotter women and that makes it different from a typical affair.

@Stormcathey has anyone heard from Alleycat lately? He seems AWOL.

Your cohort wrote before xmas that he’ll be in the land down under for two weeks. He’s probably chasing coeds in thong bikinis somewhere on Bondi Beach! 😎

EnglishRosesays:

@Grasshopper, I just signed up to it, so I hope it’s not! But looking around the site it seems fine, has some interesting (and informative) stuff on there. It’s a little thin but that might just be because the site is new. We shall see!

@Mandy, Don’t be too discouraged. And just to reiterate what DaddyGT said, how many people do you know IRL who have found ‘The One’ after after a few dates? A few years? God, I know some people in their 40’s who still haven’t found that. And there is ‘The One’ in sugar land as well I think, just a very different sort
Basically, if you want this, stick with it. Honest to god, it’s just time & patience…and a bit of thick skin 😉

Does anyone know more about that site LittleBlackBooks? Supposedly a networking site for SBs? Is it a phishing site? Something about it seems a bit off.

DaddyGTsays:

@MandyIs honesty too much for people to handle? Is being real and down to earth and fun too much? I know it takes time but , damn….Is there a place where these kind of people are put so we know who to avoid?

The interesting thing is that I was drawn into sugar dating because of a need for honesty. I am polyamorous, have been for a while (even back when I was a lothario and two timing with different IRL girls). I find that this is muh easier to deal with in a grown up community like the sugar community, contrasted with traditional society that (wrongly) has one notion of how relationships between men and women should be.

I think online dating, even of the sugar kind, is just as hard as IRL dating. It tends to be compressed over a shorter timespan, so it feels much harder. (Went to a speed dating event many years ago … holy shit, now that was hard work). Plus, the lack of face to face makes it even more difficult to guage people’s real intent. Talk is cheap, and online, it is much cheaper. How long does it take you to land a date IRL? How long with someone you want to see, again and again? Double that, for any online interactions, including this one.

Be proactive in your search, but be patient. If it was that easy, everyone would be doing it.

SouthernGent2says:

Melanie – about the platonic relationships. I think they are very rare and difficult. That being said, I did meet someone on SA that I consider to be something of a platonic situation. She was on SA for maybe a week, determined that SA wasn’t for her, so she got off the site. But in some way she and I connected. Its been going on for almost four months, and I enjoy it a great deal because there are no pressures or expectations. She and I have dinners together, some great conversations, but nothing else. I have not given her a dime, nor has she given me sex. Heck, she even refused to accept valet parking money from me. I do buy our dinners though, but nothing else.

Maybe she benefits because I do take her to four and five star locations on my dime. Maybe I benefit in an arm candy way because she always comes dressed in stunning outfits, and always turns the heads where we meet.

We talk about business, investments, cars, and many other things. And sometimes she texts or emails me for advice. Friendship, plantonic, I don’t know. But I enjoy her company. And I will say she is one of the most beautiful girls I have ever met in my life (a certain poster on this blog can vouch for this because he has seen a picture). She knows I am on SA, and that I desire “more”. And I know what her current situation is in her personal life.

So when I see your phrase of platonic, or see girls write “platonic” in their profiles, I tend to think that things aren’t going to work out for them. Simply because a girl will say “platonic” when she doesn’t want sex to be part of things. That sort of situation is a “one-sided arrangement”, and nobody wants that.

Mile High Flyersays:

Correct that to intimacy. Spelling error.

Mile High Flyersays:

@ SD Guru. On feelings, now I think we are on the same page. Also you have a lot more experience than me so thanks for the input. Being a distance away and lack of availability certainly works to keep those feeling in check. Curiously my last relationship was close by and there for 7 yrs. and I never had any feelings. Just a relief to know you aren’t that cold after all!

@ VA Gent. Thanks for sharing that part about being married and not having intamacy at home. It is lonely and I thought I was the only one!

@SD Guru
Thank you for the welcome. And great blog by the way. I have been lurking here for a couple of weeks now, reading up and learning a lot (particularly the comments), and your blog too.

NC Gentsays:

Tango – I don’t think I have ever been intimate with someone after knowing them two weeks or less, but that is just my preference. I understand what you are saying about affairs, I had one this summer/fall and there got to be a little bit too much complications for me. I have new appreciation for paying for an NSA relationship. On a somewhat related note, this summer I struck up a conversation with an attractive woman in an airport bar – we talked for a while and when she had to leave to catch her flight she asked for my cell number. I pointed to my ring (because I wasn’t that interested). She dismissed that by saying, “that is just another woman’s stamp of approval.” I couldn’t argue with that and it definitely made me chuckle, but I still didn’t give her my cell

Regarding monogamy between an SB and a married man…. I am married and had a monogamous sexual relationship with my first SB — thus the reason for looking for an SB

Mandysays:

I was blocked by a couple who runs a website for porn.

LOL… I find it quite interesting. This couple sent a few e mails, I told them what I was looking for and what i was about. She told me that she was into females and liked to see her husband with another female. They seemed nice and outgoing. After a few back and forths, I sent my e mail and some other info so they could further see who I am . After that e mail i did not hear anything for a couple days. So, I decided today to just write and ask if they were still interested. Only to find, I was blocked.
This is after “she” was wanting to me to come down and visit and hang out with them.
I have asked this before and , I am going to ask again.
Is honesty too much for people to handle? Is being real and down to earth and fun too much? I know it takes time but , damn….Is there a place where these kind of people are put so we know who to avoid? I sure as hell dont wanna end up like some of the stories I have read.
Oh well, I maybe this is the wrong site for me.

DaddyGolfTangosays:

@Emily
Try and treat it more like a conversation, than an interview. Ask open ended questions. If need be switch to phone calls. Even if someone does not want to talk about themself for whatever reason, they should be able to spell out what they are looking for in a sugar relationship. What are they after? How available are they? How available do they want the other person to be? P4P or allowance? If they can’t hold a conversation on anything though, I doubt they’ll ever be much chemistry. YMMV though.

@NC Gent
As a newbie here, thanks for the welcome. I’d like to add one thing to your intimacy point though. I expect intimacy in the same way I expect(ed) intimacy in all my non sugar dating. I take it as a given that it will happen. No pressure though. That said, if nothing has happened within a couple of weeks, I write it off, and move on. That holds true for sugar and IRL dating

However, I am married and I really don’t see what is in it for a single SB to date me without receiving compensation.
You would be amazed. There are a lot of married men having affairs, and most of them are not for sugar. Some women are just drawn to a more powerful man …. like they say, nothing like a wedding band in a bar to get girls friendly with you. And hard as it might be for some men to fathom, a lot of women are just after some NSA fun, and who better to do it with, than a man who is not available.

@VA Gentleman
I have agree with you. There are a lot of different reasons for choosing sugar. I think some of my sugar dates have been pleasantly surprised when they got my photos. I don’t think I am an adonis, but I never struggled to land IRL dates. I just choose sugar dating.

Va Gentlemansays:

@ NY Girl

” You think we (girls in here) can do escorting as well—” ?

I have got news for you NY Girl —there are certainly escorts here who are taking their marketing and client selection to a different level . Think about it —What could be better than lining up a stable of SDs each thinking they are unique and special , and who are giving her an allowance . It sure beats advertising on Craigs List and seeing 10 low lifes /day . SDs who want a non pro need to screen out ladies who might be working in this capacity–hence the desire for monogamy as one reason anyway .

@Mile High —Thanks for the clarification . I guess it’s nice to be independent enough to know you can do what you want to even if you choose not to. Ultimately , no one likes to feel hemmed in by rules , and would rather exercise free will .

@ Content SB

Ahhh –Just because a SD is married does not mean that he is sexually active with his wife . In fact , I am not and am monogamous with my SB . That is one reason why married SDs look for love/sex/companionship outside the marriage . An unhappy marriage can be a very lonely thing .

@Allison

” if he’s wealthy and super sexy, he probably wouldnt have to be on this site —”
I have to disagree Allison . Many men who fall in this category choose this type of dating over trying to find a suitable partner IRL And there is always that ” M ” word that prevents us from openly dating

NC Gentsays:

Cupcakes and Condoms — get a google voice number (google dot com / voice) and link it to your number. You can block people and later unlink it. It is free but you might get a few telemarketing calls (one a month or so – no free lunch).

Allison — believe it or not, you are actually doing quite well regarding number of emails and the number you are attracted to. Remember, it only takes one. There are a lot of really attractive women on the site, but there is a very small percentage that I consider contacting. We all have tastes and preferences. Contact a few you are attracted to as Jessie suggested. Most men are flattered and don’t take rejection to heart.

Regarding the timing of intimacy. I never expect it. In fact, in my three long term sugar relationships, we knew each other at least two months before we were “completely” intimate. I let it develop naturally because I try to treat sugar dating as normal dating with a twist. Different things for different people though.

Colo Man — you must be doing something right. Interesting, I also hear from a lot of SBs in their 20s that the men their age just don’t get it. I have been on about 25 sugar dates over my sugar lifetime, and I have only encountered one that didn’t want an allowance (she wanted gifts, travel and entertainment). However, I am married and I really don’t see what is in it for a single SB to date me without receiving compensation.

@Jessie, thanx for the advice. I emailed a couple SDs whose profiles and pictures interested me. So I’m keeping my fingers crossed that they write back.

Va Gentlemansays:

@ NY Girl

Well , you raise a question about seeing male and female profiles . In other words is my SB’s story BS ? Perhaps it is but I choose to move on and not stress about it . When I first brought this issue up many on the board gave me a little grief for even looking for her , so I talked to my SB , trust her intention even if the story might be BS , and am just going to continue to enjoy our arrangement .

@DaddyGT

Welcome to the blog, you’re preaching to the choir so please stick around!

@Classy.MilfIf I take the time to share in detail what I feel is important to a pot SD should he not then in turn invests some time to read it and respond accordingly?

Yes he should, but keep in mind not all SD’s will respond positively to a long drawn out intro letter. Most SD’s are very busy business people with limited time, and they’re probably corresponding with several SB’s simultaneously. I’d suggest using a clear and concise style in the beginning and as you get to know the pot SD better you can be more verbose. This is probably a better approach than overwhelming him with too much information in a five page dissertation.

Could there be a SB standard survey? Should a SB show a certain level of stability / independence? Would reference/character letters from friends or family help? Could there be an interview in person or via web conference with a reputable SD or SA representative? Could we have video interviews recorded and attached to our profile? The possibilities are endless but ultimately we are all restricted to the limitations of the SA sight options. Would SA be open to suggestions of this kind?

These are interesting suggestions, but keep in mind on a site with several hundred thousand members anything that requires human intervention (such as interviews, verifying reference letters) will be very costly to implement. A survey can only be as accurate as the person who is responding want it to be. Attaching video to profile has been suggested before, and it may require significant upgrade in the infrastructure. The bottom line is that on a mass market site where it’s free for SB’s, any changes that can add significant cost to the operation of the site need to be evaluated carefully from a business perspective.

@Mile High FlyerI am not intimate with anyone who I don’t have some sort of emotional attachment with. ( I know Guru, emotion Blah, Blah Blah!)

As I’ve said in the past and in my blog, no strings doesn’t mean no feelings. When you spend enough time with someone then naturally feelings are going to develop. The key is how you keep those feelings and emotions under control to make sure the relationship remains NSA. It takes experience and maturity to make it work and it’s not for everyone, and some are not able to handle NSA despite their best intentions.

@Cupcakes & CondomsI’m surprised by the volume of emails I get even though I haven’t completed my profile nor do I have a picture up yet.

You have an interesting handle, care to share the story behind it? Be careful about the true intentions of those who emailed you at this stage. I’m sure it’s nice to get the attention, but you’d wonder why they’d contact you without knowing anything about you while there are many completed profiles with pics to choose from.

@Allisonif he’s wealthy and super sexy, he probably wouldnt have to be on this site

@Content SBIt’s just a bit unrealistic for a married man to expect monogamy from his SB when he can’t even provide the same thing in return.

I’m on a roll in agreeing with Va Gent here. You should not assume all married men are sexually active with their wife. That’s the sad truth about marriage.

Emilysays:

That sounds like good advice. I got a message from someone yesterday, and I’m a bit wary since he won’t engage in a conversation. When I tried to get him to tell me more about himself he wouldn’t. I can’t adequetely screen him, because he won’t open up to me. So I am going to have to drop him as a prospect. I want to know everything about a man before I take the next step.

DaddyGolfTangosays:

@BalletGirl

SO true on that it takes money on the SB’s part lol.

Hahaha. So very true. I approach every meet with a pot SB like an IRL 1st date. Even if it is just for coffee, I will look presentable. Maybe save the tux for a date at the theatre, but at least be clean and well turned out. I expect the same from a pot SB too. Had one really horrid experience where I trekked an hour to meet a pot SB, and she turned up in track pants and Ugg boots. This for a late lunch/early dinner. Sure it was a Sunday, but still.

To get back to the original question on disputes.

@ Daddies::
If all you are bringing to the table is your wallet, you are doing it wrong. If all you are after is any beautiful woman, you are doing it wrong.@ Babbies::
If all you are bringing to the table is your fine looks, you are doing it wrong. If all you are after is any rich man, you are doing it wrong.

a. Screen, screen, screen. Relentlessly. Both for SBs and SDs. I am pretty easy going, and can get along with most people. That said, I do not what turns me off, and when I get even a hint of that, I tune out. For many of us, the SD/SB appeal is “no drama”.

b. Communicate. Honestly. All the time. Be honest about what you expect from the arrangement. Be honest about what you can deliver in the arrangement. Even if it means the other party walks away. Manage expectations. Set standards. A dispute is just a nice way of saying that either one or both parties lied about what they wanted/expected, and/or, about what they would bring to the table. And if you can’t honestly communicate with your SB or SD, then you have bigger problems than just that one dispute.

c. Be prepared to walk away. I’m not suggesting that there will never be problems in a SB/SD relationship. Quite the contrary. Just be honest, communicate, and if you can’t resolve the issues, be ready to walk away with no hard feelings.

d. Actually walk away. (and this is directed more at the SBs). Don’t stay in an unhappy SB/SD relationship just because the arrangement is lucrative. Walk away with your dignity intact, rather than become both increasingly unhappy and worse, increasingly dependent on your SD.

BalletGirlsays:

While I agree with NewYorkGirl, I chose to take DaddyGolfTango’s comment in the sense that she /would/ have better luck escorting if she’s so financially desperate, than that she actually should go out and do it :-/. Escorting is dangerous, much more so than looking for an SD and not something I’d advise to any woman who doesn’t know what she’s getting herself into, emotionally and as far as potential danger goes.

The thing about using an SB/SD situation to remedy desperate financial woes is that yeah, you don’t have the time to be screening properly, are going in generally without really thinking it through, and are likely to get burned. It takes time to find a good match, and even when you do find a good, interesting, genuine guy sometimes they don’t think you’re up to snuff. They’re also not likely to give you any money first meet, and anyone asking is going to send the real SD’s fleeing before them. The real ones have their pick of the pack, and can be just as picky as we ladies can, if not more so. They don’t want drama, generally you have to look a certain way and should at least sound like you have your shit together.

On another note:

SO true on that it takes money on the SB’s part lol. I usually get a Brazilian (blow out >.>), my nails done, a new outfit/piece of jewelry/lingerie to feel confident (ladies, I know you’re with me on always feeling hotter in something new)…sometimes shoes to match. Especially if I think the guy is legit. My VERY first meet with a pot I showed up all gross and sweaty from a three hour dance intensive lol! I felt so bad, but I’d warned him I would be coming straight from the studio…

DaddyGolfTangosays:

@NewYorkGirlOf course these girls would not tell him that (just they know only who is Snooki) and would not appreciate his look enough.
Had a similar experience with a younger SB once. I was going on about Stevie Wonder. She was nodding, but I was not quite convinced. When I asked her whether she knew who Stevie Wonder was, she said “Sure, Jamie Foxx did that movie Ray about him.” I was floored.

@JessieYou are absolutely right. That piece of advise SUCKS, and would have been better left unsaid. You seriously think the best way a young lady can support herself, albeit in a hurry, is to humiliate herself, by having sex with perfect strangers for a quick buck?

The problem though, is that this is left unsaid far too often. The inconvenient truth, is that x% of the men who claim to be SDs, are better off just spending that money on an escort. There are a lot of escort services that will sell you a GF experience, where wining, dining and well, consumating is guaranteed on the first ‘date’.

Similarly though, a pot SB who is just thinking (or sometimes screaming), “I’ve got bills to pay. Today. How much can you give me? Today.” is chasing money, not a SD. It takes time, effort, and yes, money, invested by both pot SD and pot SB to find one that works.

Ladies, let me put it this way. You know that desperate vibe you can just sense in a guy who has not had some hitting on you? Well, any half competent SD will pick up that desperate vibe from any pot SB who just “needs them bills paid. Like yesterday”. Neither vibe is sexy, and rarely will either vibe get you very far.

@NewYorkGirlHow could this even cross your mind? Seriously.
See aboveYou think we (girls in here) can do escorting as well.
I don’t know. I am just saying that x% of the men here are better off just getting exscorts, who will guarantee them a shag for £x. Similarly though y% of the women here, who just want some £y bill paid, like yesterday, are better off escorting to raise that money. The SD model is a longer term game, and like you said below, one where you both have to, well, choose each other, and choose carefully.

! Since we are here already. I choose ! With who I will sleep /kiss! The SDs does not choose me, it is me! Who will let him to have the pleasure to help me (financially or…).

Two things.
a. You sort of validate my point. You are not financially desperate, and so can afford to be as choosy as you please when it comes to selecting pot SDs. As I alluded to above, confidence is good. I like confidence in a woman. Plus, a confident SB does not give off the “she’s just in this for as much money as she can extract from me” vibe, which I find very offputting …. at least for me.

b. The SB and SD choose each other. The sad truth though, is that there are far more pot SB than there are genuine SDs. This skews the power dynamics in this game. Desperate SBs are more vulnerable to be preyed on by the less honorable men. Take Tara’s case. She went on a *first* date genuinely expecting $1200 for lunch. Not sure what universe you all live in, but this should have sent off every “sounds too good to be true” alarm. Understandably, she is not happy about $100, having been promised 12 times as much. Realistically though, she was very naive to expect $1200, and if she did not have the rent worries, she would have been able to take a moment of pause.

Cupcakes and Condomssays:

Hey guys,
I’ve been lurking and have rarely posted. But I finally made an SA account and things are progressing way faster than I had predicted. I’m surprised by the volume of emails I get even though I haven’t completed my profile nor do I have a picture up yet. I’ve been emailing a couple pots back and forth and they want to exchange numbers. Is there anyway to give them a number that’s connected to mine but will not give them my actual number? I heard a couple years back that I could do it through google voice. Does anyone know if this is true, and if you can text through their service?
If anyone would be willing to share the service they use or if they use one at all that would be very much appreciated.
Since I’ve finally made a profile I’ll probably be on more and hope to actually contribute to the conversations soon

@Stormcat – Sorry your lady is away…but since it’s not a celebratory night you can always celebrate in style when she gets back.

@Jenny – Are you home?

ContentSBsays:

Haha…well there are definitely cases where attraction just isn’t there…and there’s no hope of it ever developing. When I was still searching for a SD I just tried to keep a somewhat open mind and shared at least a few emails before deciding chemistry would never exist between us. But I agree wholeheartedly Jessie — If you’re not comfortable, it’s going to be a miserable experience!

Jessiesays:

@Allison – If you’ve gotten 40 emails in two weeks, you’re doing a whole lot better than a lot of SBs did when they first signed up. So, that sounds like you’ve got a fairly decent profile. What seems to be your problem is the attraction…so you’re gonna have to be proactive. Start browsing the profiles and contacting the SDs YOU are attracted to. Don’t just use the “Search By Location”, switch it up a bit and go through “Newest Members” and “Most Recent Logins.” Make sure if you’re willing to travel it’s stated clearly in your profile. But, remember that it will take time. Two weeks is nothing. So take your time and you’ll be fine.

ContentSB is a sweetie, I’m not like her at all…in that attraction doesn’t develop for me. It has to be instant, or it’s never gonna happen. Which means if you know you’re not attracted to the person, it’s okay to move on…find a fit that will work for you. Also, if you’re like me and his voice has to sound like James Earl Jones, make sure you talk to him wayyy before you plan the first date :). Bottom-line, if you’re not comfortable, you won’t be happy and this whole experience might prove to be traumatic.

Some of the SDs on the blog say they don’t like SBs to contact them, but I’ve read tons of profile where the SD requests that you contact them, so just play it by ear. If you don’t get a response, shrug it off, move on to the next. I have had great success contacting SDs. I’ve never gotten a rude response (I mean after getting an initial letter from me), and if I have to make a choice between a SD I reached out to, versus one who contacted me, I’ve always chosen the one I contacted.

Remember, it’s your playing field and you’re in charge of the game. You’re gonna do just great.

He doesn’t have to be “super sexy”. Im not going to kid myself because if he’s wealthy and super sexy, he probably wouldnt have to be on this site and/or could find someone better looking than me.

With that said, I do expect to be somewhat physically attracted to him. I just would like a way to get more quality over quantity.

ContentSBsays:

@Allison — This may not apply to you, but for me attraction is partially based on personality traits, as well as banter back and forth. If a guy is genuine and can make me laugh he’ll go to the top of my list way before an arrogant hottie. Don’t be too quick to write off some of the men emailing you. Attraction can naturally develop…and the reality is there are many more average (potentially balding and a bit overweight) looking middle-aged men than super sexy ones.

Allisonsays:

@Jessie, how do I market myself to get more quality responses? Like I’ve gotten like emails from like 40 men in the last 2 weeks and only around 3 or 4 of them are even remotely attractive to me. I don’t want to put exclusionary content in my profile because I don’t want to miss out on a potentially good match but dang I need to be physically attracted to my SD if he is expecting sex. Life would be much easier (and financially rewarding) if I could just sleep with a nice unattractive man. lol

ContentSBsays:

Thanks for all the feedback on the etiquette (and differences between) of hiding/deleting a profile. Mine is now hidden, and my SD seems to be satisfied with that at the moment. We’ve been having some growing pains when it comes to realistic boundaries, so I’m hopeful those issues will pass rather than worsen. It’s just a bit unrealistic for a married man to expect monogamy from his SB when he can’t even provide the same thing in return. The comments here from SDs about their SBs sleeping with other men were quite interesting. If I’ve only learned one thing from this blog it’s that we all want our cake and be able to eat it too Double standards seem to be fairly common in the sugar bowl and reconciling them can prove to be a never-ending journey.

@NewYorkGirl — when you go to the profile tab there’s a “browse similar profiles” button that will allow you to look at other SB profiles. Also if you have the specific profile number you can preview your profile and switch the numbers at the end of the URL.

Anna Mollysays:

I hope everyone is doing well!

@Jessie, I am not deliberately misquoting anybody… that’s how I read it. She says he’s “thankful”, but then she calls him a jerk for not giving her more. She’s grumbling that she didn’t get $1200 for lunch, and she used the word “jerk” to describe him because he didn’t give her $1200. What am I missing? I grant it’s entirely possible that I am misunderstanding some fundamental detail. She’s acting like he’s failed to meet some obligation to her, and I just don’t see it. And no, she shouldn’t have had sex with him. That would never be my position. Neither party had any right to “expect” anything of the other, except maybe to have some pleasant company for lunch.

Six_Scorpio_Sixsays:

What’s the etiquette when a pot SD favorites you? Should that be an automatic email from me, in response? I ask because I’ve tried one time before to email someone after they have favorited me..and got no response back! And I was like perplexed as to WHY they favorited me if they weren’t interested..lol. So tell me, as a rule of thumb, should I or should I not email after a favoriting?

SD Guru, Dorky Guy ~ My good friends, It’s a new beginning as you say and I just appreciate your support. Thank You! Off to bed early. It’s a sweet new life ahead!.

Jessiesays:

Just a general thought… It is a topsy turvy world we live in when a guy gives a girl he has no obligation to $100 just to have lunch with him, and she leaves grumbling that he’s a jerk because it wasn’t enough. Really can’t wrap my head around that one.

@DorkyGuy – If it happened as you said, perhaps you would be right. But you are deliberately misquoting what was said. Tara clearly said she was thankful for the $100…she said NOTHING about it not being enough. Like Guru said maybe there was a misunderstanding about the additional money. I can’t help but wonder if she would be getting praises now if she’d gone ahead and sleep with him, although she didn’t want to, in order to get the remainder.

Dorky, may be TARA does not tell us all the story… All the details?
This $100 and a lunch is an easy money:)) (not big money, but nothing to be upset about ).

NewYorkGirlsays:

DaddyTG.
How could this even cross your mind? Seriously.
You think we (girls in here) can do escorting as well. ! Since we are here already.
I choose ! With who I will sleep /kiss! The SDs does not choose me, it is me! Who will let him to have the pleasure to help me (financially or…).

To me it was very mean thing to write here “u r better off escorting a few times…”
Who would be escorting? r u at the right web site?

BalletGirlsays:

Thanks guys for your advice <3, I'll for sure keep it in mind in the future.

VA Gentleman – I'm fine with sex, in fact if I'm attracted to the person it's kind of a given. I am explicit in my profile that I won't be going home with anyone first meet (more eloquently of course). I wouldn't dream of meeting a man in a hotel room, despite your good luck with it. One horror story from the other SB's is one too many. But thank you for your advice, it is appreciated even if it isn't something I'd apply personally. It's nice to hear the male side of the equation.

On a happier note:

I PAID MY TUITION TODAY!!! No financial worries for this girl till fall.

Just a general thought… It is a topsy turvy world we live in when a guy gives a girl he has no obligation to $100 just to have lunch with him, and she leaves grumbling that he’s a jerk because it wasn’t enough. Really can’t wrap my head around that one.

@StormCat, wow, just wow. I remember when I was expecting my divorce papers… I thought it would be a life-changing day of celebration. Then when it finally happened, it was a shock to my system, and I ended up going to bed early. Still, it is a symbol of a new beginning

@Clissy.Milf, there is a lot of wisdom in your words. I *really like* your suggestion of allowing SBs to post a video to their profile. I think it is brilliant. It is a way that SBs could really set themselves apart. I think you should suggest that to Brandon. The poor guy’s heard enough suggestions from me lately, lol.

Until SA comes up with a Video feature, you could post a video to Screencast. I use Screencast for work, and love it. You can make your video completely private. Just make mention of it in your profile or intro email and send the pot SD a private link and/or password to your video.

NewYorkGirlsays:

My point is … Find something in common with the guy. 2 pots I met gave me their books (they were published authors ) and later they DID ask me what do I thing about the book.
People like people who they understand or have something in common. Right, guys?
I am luck of dating experience myself , i have to learn a lot. So my advices is not so valuable. But thank you for reading anyway:)

Jessiesays:

This is probably not the best thing to say here, but you are better off escorting a couple of times, get your rent issues sorted out, and then go looking for sugar.

@DaddyGT – You are absolutely right. That piece of advise SUCKS, and would have been better left unsaid. You seriously think the best way a young lady can support herself, albeit in a hurry, is to humiliate herself, by having sex with perfect strangers for a quick buck? *Yep, I bet she would come back in the sugar bowl, with the highest of self-confidence.*

@Allison – It makes NO difference. Every now and then the “black/white” thing comes up. Hang around and I’m sure Honey will be on to tell you how successful she is (she’s a BSB), how much her SD loooves her, how she’s NEVER had any problems EVER…. Ok, I’d better leave the rest for her to tell you herself :). As long as you market yourself well, you’ll be fine. Just screen properly. It’s no different from you not wanting to date men over 50.

Mile High Flyersays:

VA Gentlemen~ Clarification. Open in our case means if I want to I could date others. Her as well. I chose not to. Like you, if I thought she was having sex with multiple people I would be gone. Also for me I am not intimate with anyone who I don’t have some sort of emotional attachment with. ( I know Guru, emotion Blah, Blah Blah!) Just didn’t want to paint a different picture for you than what it is.

NewYorkGirlsays:

one funny story from the SA NyC party.
I saw one guy in there who looks a lot ! Like Omar Sharif in Dr. Zhivago.
He was talking to a few young (19- early 20s girls) . I went myself to talk to him and asked if a lot of people tells him he looks just like Omar Sharif In this movie. He said “I used to get at all the time… But no more…” we talk, exchanged e mails… I asked him if he is interested in really young girls (I am 20 years younger than he anyway, but may be 20 years difference still not good enough )…

Of course these girls would not tell him that (just they know only who is Snooki) and would not
appreciate his look enough.

@Anne, how is it rougher for black women on this site? I’ve only been on for two weeks. I’m 1/2 black so I want to know if there’s something specific I should watch out for.

annesays:

yes this is about on par with my limited experience on this site, and its fairly sad… and whats more is that im black and it seems to be a bit rougher for us chocolate ladies. This doesn’t surprise me at all. Maybe one day I’ll meet my match- who knows.

DaddyGolfTangosays:

@Tara
Along with most of the people who have already responded to you, expecting $1200 just for lunch, is a bit much. Thing is, as long as you are desperate, you have less power. This is probably not the best thing to say here, but you are better off escorting a couple of times, get your rent issues sorted out, and then go looking for sugar.

I also have to agree with Va Gent. I would never agree to meet with a pot SB who expected a gift. Even IRL, the last time I brought flowers or a gift for a first date was back in high school. That said, I generally provide £100 for cab fare at the first meet. First meet is usually a quick one. Typically over coffee. Basically to verify that we are both as represented. Count the number of profiles on SA that claim to be “Slim” or “Average” even when the photos they put up tell a different story!

2nd date might be more substantial. Lunch, or dinner. Depends on schedules etc. A lot more about confirming that there is chemistry. Again, I’ll typically provide £100 or £200 for cab fare. Discussion of arrangement, expectations, etc occurs here.

3rd date is typically celebratory. Dinner, drinks whatever. By now we have established that there is chemistry. We have negotiated the terms of the deal. Initial allowance changes hands. Maybe a gift, but unlikely, until I have seen or felt genuine reciprocation from the SB. A gift, in my book, is a reward for good behaviour, not something a SB should expect or demand.

@Allison. I’m (only) 35. I don’t think the generosity of a SD is determined by his age. Older chaps are likely to have more money, but that still says nothing about how generous they are. The best SDs are possibly the ones who don’t need to be SDs. You must like women, you must not be an ass, and ideally you must not be socially inept. An ass with money is still an ass. And an old ass is still … well you get the picture.

Va gent. If someone register as a SB she can not read other SB profiles.
I can look only SD profiles … Or there is a way I do not know?
?

Ok … let me try this again.

Hello everyone I am new here to SA and reside in Alberta Canada. I have been learning a lot from this blog and the SA sight. Thank you to all those contributing and I hope I can be a positive contributor as well.

Va Gentlemansays:

@Mile High

“open relationship” is the key really .

Many are interested in multiple partners ,multiple daddies/babies , no restrictions etc. This is fine and good for you as long as both parties are down with it .

Others are not . No drama is key but does not have to mean no monogamy . I have a medical background and am concerned about the risks of multifucking –pardon my french –even with “safe sex” . I do not want to swap secretions with multiple guys who are also seeing my SB . I also don’t want to disrespect my SB by exposing her to my activities either . You are all thinking –safe sex is safe –right ? Not really . It is safer than no protection at all but no method is 100 % . Of course drawing an allowance with no sex obligation at all is 100% safe .

Va Gentlemansays:

@NY Girl

“—why did she activated it ” ? (If everything is alright ) . She enjoyed reading the profiles of both men and women –which I actually do as well ,even though I was non pay and therefore not able to communicate with other girls . The discussion satisfied me although who knows ? I’m not stupid about possibilities but there has to be trust -and I trust her . She knows how I feel and knows that it would be a deal breaker for me . I know she loves being with me and I think she would not want to lose me .

@Jessie

A gift I understand –flowers perhaps , but hundreds of $ or a watch I don’t think is reasonable or good sense . A SB is going to like me or not when we meet –at least enough to go to the next step.

Delete vs Hide — Hiding the profile is enough to show respect to your new SD . Certainly previous contacts can still contact you, and if you want to sneak around you can make a new profile or go on other SD sites .

Emilysays:

I would be happy to get that far with one of the sugar daddies on this site. Over sixty men have viewedmy profile, but only one has given me a wink; nothing else. I take it my transgender is an issue for many of the daddies. Yes, I’ve had a sex change, and I mentioned it in my profile. The thing is, on other regular dating sites(straight;of course); it’s not much of an issue. I also just ended a four year arrangement with a man I met in a night club. I’m going to keep trying though. Good luck everyone.

Jessiesays:

@Stormcat – Do you mean drunk on champagne? Because IIRC you said your xsb, who is now your gf, was partially to blame for the demise of your marriage. She also just happens to be THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE. Which means this is supposed to be a celebration for you, right? Unless…

@StormcatJust signed the final papers for my divorce… I think I might get drunk tonight . . . or something

Congratulations! You’ve mentioned the divorce as far back as two years ago. I’m glad to see you’ve finally reached closure.

@NC Gent, Dorkyguythe quality of SD/SBs has diminished. My opinion is that it can be somewhat correlated with events on Tyra, MTV, Dr. Phil, etc.

This is an interesting discussion and I’ll throw in my two cents worth. Let’s look at it from the perspective of business model which is driven by paid memberships. And the great majority of paid memberships are SD’s. So what would attract SD’s to sign up and pay?? Lots of SB profiles with attractive pics. And who watches the type of daytime talk shows you mentioned?? Yup, it’s mostly a female audience. While I agree that exposure in NY Times, WSJ, or college newspapers could attract higher quality SB’s, those numbers just won’t be as great as TV exposure when you compare circulation figures to Nielson ratings. That said, I think the brainstorming idea is a good one and perhaps Brandon and Jennifer could take you up on it.

@TaraI hated the fact that he lied to me and he promised 1200 for just having lunch with him….guys are jerks

If it sounds too good to be true, then it usually is. Perhaps there was a miscommunication or misunderstanding somewhere? None of the SD’s I know would agree to provide 1200 just for having lunch. It just doesn’t make sense.

@Colo Man2 of them were seeking allowances. The other 9 wanted no allowance, and no money exchange directly.

Thanks for sharing your experience!! It would appear that most SB’s on the site want NSA and sugar, not just dating a nice guy who treats them well. I’m curious as to what you put in your profile and how you screen pot SB’s to achieve the results you described?

@Content SB et al

Please note hiding a profile would only prevent it from showing up in a search. If someone has your profile number, has an email from you on the site, or put you on their favorite list, then they can still see your profile.

Mile High Flyersays:

@ Content SB & VA Gentlemen. I think that someone keeping their profile is not a deal breaker. I would then open my profile again. Open relationship means that for both. At the end of the day, both parties bring enough to make it work or it doesn’t . Also I’m not going to dictate behavior or involvement. Like I said earlier, every relationship is a constant evaluation of cost and benefit.

Allisonsays:

@Jessie, thanks for the advice about younger SDs. I was really leery about responding to them because I thought they were going to be looking for some escort type thing or be cheap. I really don’t want to date anyone over 50, as I am only 25 (and I look 16) and I’m afraid people would stare and think Im some sort of gold digger or he’s a pedophile.

Colo Mansays:

@Allison,……every woman i have met has said many men they have dated have been pretty skanky on the first or 2nd date……..to me – talking dirty talk when you don’t know someone, especially without chemistry established, is way too raw (and kooky). There is a build up to getting comfortable with dirty talk, but it takes being together a few times to make that feel erotic rather than sketchy.

Va Gentlemansays:

@Allison and ContentSB

I knew my position would not be popular but it is what it is .

Being married it is extremely difficult and risky dating in the conventional sense , therefore I want to move subrosa as soon as possible . I suspect I would approach things differently if I was single . I also don’t understand the concept of Sugar committments after meeting someone for lunch –but that is my problem . I agree that a sexual relationship should not be entered into unless you are attracted to that person

@Content SB

I totally agree that both parties in a stable SD/SB relationship should hide or take down their profile. I had this very issue come up recently if you saw my posts earlier in December. I view an active profile as evidence that you are still available . Now if you are not committed to your SD and have not agreed to be monogamous then all bets are off and keep it up there . You might risk losing your SD if he is unhappy with your profile still active .

sdsays:

@Allison. I agree that taking it slow on the first date is the correct thing. On the other hand, SB
‘s should not expect an allowance on the first date either. It should be a date to check the chemistry in person. The allowance and intimacy can begin on the next date..

Jessiesays:

the concept that a pot SD would give any money for an introductory lunch is shocking to me

@ VA Gent – I’m amused that you find this shocking. Apparently you haven’t been introduced to WYP. I’m sure that at least 50% of the SDs use both sites, so this concept is not by any stretch of the imagination “new”…especially since that is totally the premise for WYP. Also, there are many SDs who consider it advantageous to arrive at a first date gift in tow…could be monetary or simply something he thinks you’ll enjoy. Although I don’t ask it or expect it, I’ve only had one SD not give me a gift on our first meeting (all monetay, except one who gave me a beautiful watch).

Maybe Tara should have been skeptical, but it’s not that far-fetched that she expected $1,500 on the first date. Had he been a gentleman who really wanted to start an arrangement with her, he could have easily considered that as a portion of her first month’s allowance. Since it’s apparent that he had no intention of giving her any more than the $100 until they got physical, he should have just been upfront and told her this from the beginning. Instead, he thought she would be desperate enough to sleep with him on the spot, which makes him a user….not a genuine SD in my book.

@Tara – Thank your lucky stars. Try and get a handle on your bills, and that way you’ll ALWAYS be able to call the shots.

@Allison – You’re gonna find that age is not a defining feature. So generosity has no age :). It really depends on the gentleman. I started only dating guys over 50, because I thought it would mean less drama, more maturity etc. WRONG. I find that the older men have a tendency to wanna “check up” on your more often, get attached wayyyy too soon, and constantly needs reassurance that you’re really “into them.” So now I mostly date men between 36-44 (and I’ve included that in my profile). I’ve also NEVER slept with a guy on the first date…so don’t feel pressure to do that. You can hold hands, be flirty, kiss (only if you want to), let him know it’s coming, but do nothing until YOU are ready.

@Content – I don’t ever delete my profile. Just go ahead and hide it. So if he checks up on you again you’ll be invisible, and he’ll think you deleted it. If he asks…just say you’re not on the site anymore, which is technically the truth since you can’t send or receive emails. Please note that anyone that you corresponded with before you hide your profile is still able to see you. But that shouldn’t affect you since you’re just here for the blog :).

Allisonsays:

@Colo Man, you’re totally right about there being a difference. I would never object to kissing or anything like that if there is chemistry. But some guy I’ve just met expecting (key word: EXPECTING) me to “lay it low and spread it wide” for him on the first date is nuts.

Colo Mansays:

Flyer – true on that regarding the equation metaphor. Also, Colorado has had like 2 million people move in over the last 15 years. Lots of people here without roots, which makes for lots of women seeking a connection to someone. Lots of women on here not looking for any meaningful connection as well, and that is fine, but the fly by nighters don’t hold as much appeal these days………

NewYorkGirlsays:

To VA Gent.
VA you mentioned again you resolved your conflict with your SB you are in love and she activated her profile again. May be I missed it, but why did she activated it? She explained she was not looking for a new SD, but … Why? ….

NewYorkGirlsays:

ContentSB. Of course he closed his so he does not need to pay monthly fee (since he has you).
There is an option not to close your account, but something ” put it on hold” I do not remember exactly how it called. So later you can reactivate it with the same .edu e mail.

Colo Mansays:

@content — that is truly the 64k question……I think once you are firmly in a solid arrangement that is working and you don’t WANT to see anyone else simultaneously, it makes sense to hide the profile………if it doesn’t work out then just unhide it.

Mile High Flyersays:

Colorado man~ I would agree and perhaps Colorado is a unique state or maybe it’s the recession. I know when I was looking this last summer, there were responses from at least 20 women and 10 of those would have been acceptable sugar dates. In my case,I focused on one women rather than play but to each his own. Really at the end of the day, we all add up the benefits of any relationship then weigh that against the cost. Pretty simple equation and an ongoing process in every realtionship sugar or otherwise.

@ NC Gent
This is a good point. I will say that I think SA is dealing with these issues with the creation of the other sites we see advertised … seeking millionaire, college SB and get paid for dates. The general problem I see in SA is the absolute lack of understanding of Sugar. If the serious sugars pay close attention and ask the right questions, the screening can be quite effective. I think it would be counter productive to focus on the business model of SA, it is out of the control of its members. The mass commercialisation of this site is what it is and as a serious SD/SB we make the choice to be here and work to set ourselves apart from the average joe.
@ DorkyGuy
I agree with you on your SA quantity vs. quality points. Offering suggestions as you have is a good idea. I am not entirely sure how the men are approved for Diamond Club status. I would assume the financial ability to be a SD is verified and I would hope that the overall intention is as well.
I have seen suggestions about Black/White lists for SD, advice for SB to approach sugar similarly to a job search, and a wide variety of expectations from both sides.
My initial impression on this blog is that some of the SB are not being clear and are approaching sugar in a manner that screams a need for instant gratification.
When I first joined SA (and another sight) I had already approached this as a long term plan. I did a lot of reading (and continue to) so I could define my goals better and really understand what a quality SD would want. The SD is looking for a quality return on investment and SB is looking for valuation of their assets, if I may be so crass as to ‘Wall Street’ this analogy. We live in stressful economic times and this could be a major driving force for the spike in SA members of a lesser quality. If a SB comes across as being desperate for money she will in turn attract less then honourable SD’s ready to take advantage. I feel her qualities need to be highlighted as a SB who can demonstrate responsibility and stability both financially and emotionally. Her independence, confidence and resolve in meeting her goals will ring true for the SD she seeks to attract.
Experienced SB’s have repeatedly stressed professionalism, independence, clarity and patience. In my life I have seen a serious decline in these skills in the youth of today and SB’s would be wise to learn them in this age of instant gratification and entitlement. If you work hard and are willing to accept that you will always have opportunities to improve and can keep your vision further down the road the venture will be much easier overall. Focus on what you set out to accomplish and do not get distracted by the proverbial carrot or the pretty shiny thing intended to catch your eye for the short term.
One thing I see missing on SA is an option for SB to be screened as distinctly as the SD can in the Diamond Club. My first attempt to do this was to pay for my membership and create a profile unique to me. I then wrote an extensive introduction letter and had a SD critique it. Yes it is long and I will have to create a condensed version. I have since shared the long version with a pot SD and he was very impressed despite its length. That also speaks to his willingness to invest the time to understand and learn more about me as well as to answer some basic questions I had for him. This raised a question of how serious or committed would the pot SD be if a short introduction is needed? If I take the time to share in detail what I feel is important to a pot SD should he not then in turn invests some time to read it and respond accordingly? I have a general idea of the course I would like to go for the long term and have the ability to see it through and to incorporate advice as it is offered. I recognise my goals and the fact that I will not be suited to all SD’s for a variety of reasons. That in itself makes screening pot SD very easy as well me to them.
If the option for Diamond SB was offered I would be willing to go thru this not only to meet basic standards but also to learn what I may need to work on or improve. It would be very interesting to know what Diamond Club SD’s would like to have as prerequisites for elite quality SB’s and what SB’s would be willing to share or work on to obtain a higher exclusive status.
Could there be a SB standard survey? Should a SB show a certain level of stability / independence? Would reference/character letters from friends or family help? Could there be an interview in person or via web conference with a reputable SD or SA representative? Could we have video interviews recorded and attached to our profile? The possibilities are endless but ultimately we are all restricted to the limitations of the SA sight options. Would SA be open to suggestions of this kind?

ef-o-ef . . . Just signed the final papers for my divorce. . . Not really feeling sad or happy or angry or anything I expected. Just numb and cold. I think I might get drunk tonight . . . or something.

ContentSBsays:

Ok question…

When you’re in a SD/SB relationship should you delete your SA profile? Because my SD is currently flipping shit (tacky phrase…but totally appropriate right now) that mine is still activated. I’m a “college SB” so I don’t want to delete my profile because if this relationship ever goes south I won’t be able to use my college address again and have the same premium access I have now. My SD deleted his profile once we developed out arrangement, so I understand where he’s coming from…but I also think he’s being a bit paranoid. I’m honestly not looking for anyone else. Today he used a friend’s account to see if mine was still activated. I HATE being checked up on. It irritates me to no end.

Colo Mansays:

NC Gent – not a hot guy discount. I am decent looking, no Brad Pitt action going on though. I do like to treat my dates to the dinner drinks combo. I also specifically seek out a woman who is kind of hedonistic like that. I also developed my pool game pretty well, and find that a woman who likes cocktails likes to shoot a bit of pool – it’s a great way to have fun and still converse, and do some physical flirting. My MO—-

ContentSBsays:

@Va Gentleman — “My Darling SB and I met in a hotel for the night and had a life changing experience . We both left happy”

I’m glad that worked well for you and your SB….but sleeping together on the first meeting typically doesn’t yield the same results for most others. So many people on this blog preach about letting SD/SB relationships develop like a traditional relationship would…and usually successful relationships don’t begin from a one-night stand. Sleeping with a SD on a first meeting is so dangerous because he could be looking for pay for play, and after getting what he wants there’s a very real chance he’ll never be heard from again. A girl usually doesn’t feel so spectacular about herself after an experience like that.

Allison, don’t sleep with a SD until you’re ready. If he bolts because he’s impatient, then just wait for someone else who will understand your hesitance and be willing to wait until you’re comfortable.

Colo Mansays:

@Allison. If I may interject – newbie poster to the blogs here. There is a general consensus among my male friends, and I have quite a few ranging in age from 34-50. If, after the first 3 dates, there is no physical interaction, a man will begin searching anew to find it. It doesn’t have to be full on intercourse, but at least kissing/touching/”making out”, with positive affirmation and belief that being fully sexual is on the near horizon. Playing hard to get and getting to know someone are two entirely different things.

Colo Man — you must be getting quite the “hot guy” discount. It is remarkably impressive that you met 11 women on a sugar dating site, and 9 of them didn’t want an allowance — you are my new hero!

Allisonsays:

@VA Gentleman, so if your not interested in sleeping with a SD as soon as you meet him you’re basically a tease and wasting someone’s time? Dang, I thought only the young guys called you a tease for just trying to be a be lady and getting to know someone first.

Do any girls have any experiences with younger SDs? Like under 40? Do you find them to be as generous as the older guys or are they just yanking a lot of chains and looking for free sex?

Va Gentlemansays:

@ Ballet Girl

—want to hear (con’t from a prior post) ,but I think it is important for you to know what many of the SDs out there are thinking . My Darling SB and I met in a hotel for the night and had a life changing experience . We both left happy , and a long term relationship ( nearly a year) was born . If you are going to drag out (put off) sexual involvement you will turn off many if not most of the pot SDs . If you are not interested in sex then put it in your profile to cut down on unnecessary emails .

Colo Mansays:

Dear Brandon,

THANK you for creating SA. I have, in 3 months, met 11 women through your site. All were attractive, 3 were stunningly pretty, 4 were pretty, and 4 were what i call super cute. All of them had jobs that did not involve “entertainment”. 2 of them were seeking allowances. The other 9 wanted no allowance, and no money exchange directly. 5 of them have Bachelor of Master degrees. I am dating two of them now regularly. Yes, DATING ! Just like through match or chemistry. The beauty of SA is that it appeals to the younger women who actually LIKE being with an older man who has accomplished things in life, has wisdon, experience, and financial acumen. They like accomplished, older men, NATURALLY. We go out for dinners, drinks, movies, and I pick up tabs. There is absolutely nothing artificial or phony in the dynamic. These are women in their late 20’s who are simply fed up with guys in their 20s and 30s who have not gotten it together in life. I was blessed with decent looks and a nice physique, so that helps, but the age and experience difference is they key. For some women, it is just a turn on, and the defining aspect is is not “money”.

Six_Scorpio_Sixsays:

@Cali805SD Thanks for the advice

Cali805SDsays:

@six_scorpio_six – you could indicate that hub does not know, and you will indicate ‘reasons’ in private. Hub may find out soon enough, given that you have face pictures on your profile . Single SD’s will likely stay away, but you still have a shot with married SD’s. And I guess 50% of the SDs out here are married.

My reasons are complicated…and would rather be doing this as a single person!
Ah..how boring life would be without all this red tape! Ugh

Nicosays:

Babydoll ~ thank you for clarifying a bit. I’m not sure exactly how to phrase this. I’m typically a very positive optimistic person but, based on what you’ve shared – not seeing a glowing light at the end of the tunnel. First and foremost, sugar is sugar is sugar is sugar. There are exceptions where couples fall in love etc etc but that is even more elusive than the platonic SD. It would appear from the outset that since you are no longer in the relationship with fiance’, SD was there for you during that time (White Knight), now you’re attracted to him (SD/White Knight) even moreso.

YOU are back on a sugar site, think HE’S back on a sugar site. Too confusing. If you were in love (ie not desirous of anybody else and you two are (?) monogamous) why are you back on a sugar site? And, if you’re in sugar relationship, you and your SD should’ve discussed the terms of your relationship…sugar monogamy (or not).

Six_Scorpio_Sixsays:

@Cali805SD Haha..hubby doesn’t know!..And if he did..I have no doubt that my status would soon change from “married” SB to “Single” in no time flat!..LoLoL
As far as writing down WHY i’m here…I’m afraid of the TMI effect.
Maybe i’m wrong in assuming that my sparkling personality and picture would be or should be enough..and that long drawn out “reasons” could possibly be a buzz kill?

Cali805SDsays:

@six_scorpio_six – I am a married SD myself, and prefer married SBs. You should indicate your reasons for being here, does hub mind/know etc.. lol.. or least state that you will discuss that in private. Your profile does not do that now. Other than that, your profile is fine.

Va Gentlemansays:

@Melanie

Re: Platonic relationships , most men want a sexual relationship melanie ,so it would be a very special or unusual guy to be happy with giving you money without some kind of affirmation that his SB finds him sexually attractive —or is a very good actress. I would be offended if a pot SB wanted me to stroke a check without quid pro quo . And no , it’s not all about sex . I love the feeling that my SB and I are lovers and are IN love to a certain extent . This obviously grows over time but my SB made me feel special from the moment I met her .

@Babydoll

In love with your SB/SD –as Guru says ,is fraught with hazzard. However –I totally know where you are coming from since I love my SB . I recommend that you talk to your SD about your feelings and damn the consequences . If you lose him –so be it , since you have the anxiety of losing him anyway . I had a concern about my SB possibly searching for another SD and we talked about it —and resolved it .Things are back to being great as a result of that talk . Again –communication is the key .

@ Tara

Everyone is entitled to their needs , demands , and their sense of worth –whether that is emotional or financial . Tara , the concept that a pot SD would give any money for an introductory lunch is shocking to me , unless it were discussed beforehand as a requirement of that meeting . ie. You have a large cab fee in Manhatten and the pot would pick up your expenses . You might be the Bomb , but $1200 for any one time meeting is right up there with a top escort . And at least with an escort sex is guaranteed . No offense intended

@ Ballet Girl

“–what in a first meet makes you interested in an SB—” I look for physical attraction first –and if it is there then I look to set up a date soon . Since Sugar dating is not “the real world ” I expect a fast forwarded version of dating and expect sex pretty quickly . I know that is not what many of you

Have never sent out any introduction letters, etc..
Maybe that’s the problem???
I just have always thought that those would scream out desperation to any pot SD..
Am I totally wrong in assuming that?

jessicasays:

im new on here and i was wondering if anyone could give me some tips on how to handle the guys on here?

Six_Scorpio_Sixsays:

Haven’t had much luck in the SD dept. – probably due to my marital status :/ Had more messages in my inbox shortly after signing up, but now am down to 0!..WOW! Thanks to all for all of the insightful contributions to this blog..MUCH appreciated. My profile # is 722867 if anyone wants to chime in on any possible profile improvements 😉

Hey there Stormcat- You caught me! I’m a detective! 😉 hehe

I am excited to meet a wonderful SD soon that I’ve been emailing with from SA! He is very nice.

I’m having a great week- how’s everyone else?

NC Gentsays:

Balletgirl — things that make a good first meeting…. common interests, flowing conversation, the SB showing interest in my hobbies, experiences, opinions, etc. Also, there is usually a positive energy that just feels right that is hard to capture in words. I have had some first meetings where the pot SB was attractive, polite, sweet but I just didn’t feel any chemistry. I guess it isn’t unlike real world dating.

Tara — I agree with the other comments — $1200 for having lunch should have set off all sorts of sanity check alarms.

NC Gentsays:

That is an interesting perspective DorkyGuy, and one that I hadn’t considered. I have had a biased mindset that those not focused on quality would suffer or go out of business. I imagine you are right in that there is a limited supply of high quality SDs and SBs, and it may be difficult to capture that market in a profitable manner. The onus for making the experience on SA pleasurable now lies mainly on the user. When I first joined the site, that wasn’t the case. I guess it is an inevitable business evolution for a sugar dating site.

BalletGirlsays:

Bleh. XD My Pot never called, texted etc etc. I’m not too worried because he dropped off the face of the earth for like 2 weeks before the New Year, but at the same time it’s kinda been bothering me. I just wish guys that don’t think I’m their type would be straight with me, haha. This girl can handle that far better than thinking things are going well and never getting talked to again.

Gentlemen, what in a first meet makes you interested in an SB, aside from the obvious physical stuffs? I’m kinda put out that I liked this one so much and am kinda wondering if I did something terribly off putting. One of the first potentials that I actually thought…had potential lol.

@ Jennie

Hope you get home safe and sound.

@ Tara

Not to sound rude but 1200 for lunch? That’s a bit hefty, and very unlikely that you’re going to find someone willing to pay that much first meet.

The challenge is that SA makes most of its money on “quantity” of premium SDs, not “quality”. SA wants high quality, but in some respects they may be fighting against their own business model. As long as the pricing structure remains such that “quantity” is the primary variable that determines profit, then a decline in quality may be inevitable.

As quality declines, SA actually makes more money. If the quality of SA declines, and SA gains 10 unseemly SDs paying premium memberships, and the resulting drop in quality causes 1 good SD to quit, SA makes 10x as much profit.

I am sure that’s part of the reason they brought in the Diamond Club… to turn the model back toward quality. But they’re going to need a lot more Diamond Club members. Maybe they need to offer more perks to Diamond Club members (online chat with SBs, anonymous phone calls/messaging with SBs, “alibi service” for the married SDs, prescreening SBs, etc.)

NC Gentsays:

I would like to put something out there and see if others have any other thoughts on this.

It appears from the postings as well as my own personal experiences that the quality of SD/SBs has diminished. My opinion is that it can be somewhat correlated with events on Tyra, MTV, Dr. Phil, etc. When there was an article in NY Times on sugar dating, the quality spiked. University of Georgia had an article on sugar dating in the school newspaper, and there was an increase in quality SBs in Athens GA. I think SA needs should focus their marketing efforts by advertising in college newspapers and venues such as the Wall Street Journal and ignore the made-for-drama tv shows that attract the unseemly characters. I know the SA marketing budget may not support an expensive advertising campaign, but SA could get creative. For example, how about offering a financial incentive to college SBs that will write a favorable “letter to the editor” to their college newspaper? I think SA needs some brainstorming on this, and I know some others here may have some great ideas.

NewYorkGirlsays:

Guys (who supported and followed my soap) you know I deeply appreciated all advices and support.
My diamond member contacted me on the New Year day, I was happy (even though he completely ignored me for 2,5 weeks and I was missing him crazy c r a z y) , so we went to a few nice places to eat and drink that evening / night and finally could do IT at his place.
I did not asked him anything…”why you did not answer my e mail …” I just was happy and silly .
This is what you guys like, right?
I stayed night at his place and left in the morning (of coz he put money in my purse) … But it does not matter for me (coz I was stupid enough to fall for him, and I was SO upset he got cold on me… Now even 2 million would not make up for my broken heart).

At the end, we hugged, kissed, he said “thank you , talk to you soon”. And I have not heard from him for 3 days now. But I am happy, life is good… I can not make same mistake twice. I guess this is his style… just disappear . who know… Everyone is different and I do not understand guys.
This is my rationalization. I am not sad or frustrated coz my gestalt got the closure

NewYorkGirlsays:

I do not know I would put age range.
I met one guy whose profile says he is 53 … A bit too old… I though. He send pic -he look 40 y old. When I saw him in person he looked 40 y old, great body, great face and skin (he is from Brazil) , yes, I live in NYC and my guys almost always from far away… What is wrong with me?:))) like I can not find one in Manhattan. I had a very nice experience with him, he is very smart, read a lot, traveled everywhere, we had great time. (he was the very first guy I met at SA).

NewYorkGirlsays:

Tara, do you think it is realistic a guy would pay you $1200 just to have lunch with you? You believed it 100% when you went to this lunch?
Is he a certified member with 100 million ? So he can pay left and right $1200 for lunch?

Miracles do happen but if he is a regular Joe…. Very un likely he would pay you $1200 even if you had everything with him that day.
?

NC Gentsays:

Allison — I think it is great when the SB tactfully expresses her requirements (such as fitness). I also like it when the SB states her desired age range — in some instances it saved me some time and effort, and occasionally it opened a door (surprised at the desired age range). Communication is key and best wishes in your search!

Allisonsays:

@DorkyGuy, “health-conscious”? No, I don’t think I could put that in my profile. Im afraid that would attract those wheat grass, granola eating types. lol. A man should like red meat and drink beer. I just want him to hit the gym a few times a week.

Yeah, that other profile was rude. I went on a date this weekend with a guy who had on his profile that overweight women shouldn’t email him. He smelled funny. Im thinking the whole time, “this dude has a lot of nerve to be excluding anyone when he smells like kitty litter”. Thank goodness he gave me gas money. I would have been pissed. His picture must have been at least 5 years old and he ended up looking like Doc from Back to the Future.

@Allison, depends on how you word it. Being a workaholic in a sedentary job, I definitely fall in the “out of shape” category.

I saw two SB profiles this week that approached it differently. One lady said “I have a passion for health, and my ideal match should be fit and health-conscious as I am.” Hint taken, we are not a good match, and there are no hard feelings. I saw another SB profile yesterday that said “Guys, if you look like you are six months pregnant, then put down the fork and don’t email me.” Even if I were in shape, I wouldn’t call her, because she sounds rude, judgemental, and bitter.

Allisonsays:

Hi Everyone. Im new here. I’ve been on the site for a little over 2 weeks. I’ve gotten a lot of messages but only a few men that I would even consider sitting across a dinner table from. I feel really bad when these guys email me and I don’t respond. Like, would I be wrong to put in my profile that Im not attracted to overweight and/or men over 55? I don’t want to offend anyone.

Also, I would like to start emailing potential SDs that I could see myself attracted too. Im not used to having to make the first move but I live in the NJ/NYC area and I know there are a lot of quality SBs in the area so Im going to have to be more proactive in my search. What do you ladies usually say in your introduction email to a potential SD?

Thanks in advance.

babydollsays:

@nico well i was engaged,but me and my sd were open about it.made an agreement and started as few meet ups on the first month then progressed in to more than that into full weekends together and day lunches and things of that sort like a normal dating couple.anyway my relationship with my then fiancee was already on the rocks even before i met my sd.so it just made it clear i was so unhappy i had to sign up as an sb ! for fiancial reasons and company too.but now i thought that my sd is on this site actually !!! i have never gone here since i signed up as i met him somewhere else i just came across a profile that seems like him! except the age!

tarasays:

I wish I would have read on here before I started doing the meeting I’m new at this so its hard for me to know what to do. I went yesterday to meet the SD we both agreed I would just have lunch with him to see how comfortable we can be with each other well lunch went great we got to know each other a little bit but we both agreed he wouldn’t treat me like a normal SB since it was my first time. I asked for 1200 dollars to pay my rent since im so far behind turns out he only gave me 100 dollars (im not complaining) I mean 100 is better than nothing but he told my that if I would have spent more time with him (sex) he would have gave me the rest so I left and texted him thanks for lying because I really liked you. I hated the fact that he lied to me and he promised 1200 for just having lunch with him….guys are jerks

Oh, thank God! Because of Hulk Hogan, I have taken my vitamins and said my prayers every night since I was 8 years old. I had to do what he said… Somehow I figured he knew Santa.

Oh dorkeyguy, . . . quit being such a dork , , , you know as well as I do that professional wrestling is the real thing! I mean the full body slam off the ropes is the most awesome move ever imagined and those guys gotta be really tough to even survive it much less survive it 7 times then get up and win!

@Stormcat & Dorkyguyyou know as well as I do that professional wrestling is the real thing!

I have some swampland in Florida I’d love to sell to you guys!

@babydoll

Your situation as you described sounds unclear and complicated. Why did you have the terrible break up with your fiancee? I assume it has nothing to do with your SD, or does it? Are you sure your feelings for your SD is not caused by you being on a rebound from the break up? Most importantly, is your SD married? I hope not, because falling for a married SD is a bad idea. Please tell us more about the situation so we can assess it more accurately. Either way it sounds like full of drama and I’m sorry to say that it’s probably a train wreck waiting to happen.

@Melanie

If you continue to see him it will just make both of you unhappy because neither of you are getting what you want. Therefore I’d suggest you move on and clearly put in your profile that you’re looking for a platonic SD. In the Swift Justice video Brandon said 75% of relationships on SA involve sex, implying 25% are platonic. Personally I’d have thought platonic relationships are less than 10%. It’s rare but it does happen. However, the platonic SD’s may not be as generous.

Lolasays:

Hello, I did my best to read a majority of the comments on here, which took me quite some time. Very entertaining, interesting, and informative, thank you all.

As to the Swift Justice show, this is pure Television entertainment at its best. Although the case is a real lawsuit that had been filed and the people are real characters and not actors, don’t forget that both sides are paid to appear on this show. That in and of itself renders this a TV show and not a real world scenario anymore. Although I agree that based on the facts, the SB’s committed a crime and in the real world would be held liable for damage to the SD’s car – let’s not forget one important caveat that the SD should be very thankful for – he committed a crime as well of serving alcohol to under-age minors which he idiotically admitted to, and the state could have filed criminal charges against him as well. He is lucky the Judge only dismissed the case and didn’t pursue further action against him. All parties in this show acted immature, but that is what makes TV interesting. The Judge is melodramatic, raising her voice and throwing around points, to further increase show ratings of course. And of course they showed the Judge yelling at Brandon and then dismissing him like a child, this increases audience reaction to self-righteous whoops of “YEA! You tell him!!!”

NewYorkGirlsays:

Sorry girls u have a lot of drama with SDs.
Me too. Will share my soap opera tomorrow.
It is almost midnight.

NewYorkGirlsays:

About platonic arrangement. I had this . I would play tennis with a guy once a week for 1 hour in doors court, then we would go eat something healthy and he would give me $200.
Never even tried to hold my hand .. Or anything..
Usually in the morning, during his lunch time. he would give me money and tell me what to buy.. Nice tennis outfit, or…

Midwest SBsays:

Melanie – It’s been said before…sugar is a lot like real relationships in that don’t do in sugar what you wouldn’t do in a real relationship. If you’re not physically attracted to him, then you’re not being fair. Sugar is NSA with someone you find attractive…sometimes you grow into it, but usually you know quickly if you can be intimate with that person. There are very few platonic arrangements, but even then, they don’t always last. It’s a quid pro quo.

Babydoll – If the feelings are mutual, then give it a whirl. If not, check yourself and figure out if what you are feeling is real. It’s easy to fall in love with sugar because there’s less drama, no strings, and the perks can be pretty amazing. Toss in real life and you realize you were in love with the facade…not the real life person. Best wishes.

Jennie – Hope you’re home safe.

Nicosays:

Melanie ~ I have been in a platonic relationship. He was a recluse and just wanted company on his arm when he went out in public. Turns out that he was/is a hardcore alcoholic and the arrangement was short lived. He currently has a girl that he’s been with for nearly 1.5 years and he’s platonic with her too. Bottom line, it happens but it’s more the exception than the rule.

I would also have to agree with Content SB. Chances are he is waiting for intimacy before offering financial assistance. Definitely chat with him about it…..communication is very much the key.

Babydoll ~ Not certain I fully understand your relationship. You were engaged while in your arrangement, broke up and he was supportive of you now you think he’s looking for a new SB?

ContentSBsays:

@Melanie — It sounds like he’s waiting for your relationship to become physical before he assists financially. I think everyone who has been in the sugar bowl has a horror story. When I first jumped in a local SD expressed interest, and when we met he was very pushy, and in the end he did get what he wanted. He left money in the bathroom, and wasn’t really heard from again. Total pay for play…and I felt (still feel) horrible about it. It did force me to really think about what I wanted and to proceed with extreme caution from there on out. My next, and current, SD is an absolute gentleman. He let the relationship naturally develop, and did start helping financially before anything physical happened.

You need to know what you’re willing to put up with, and what you’re not. Don’t let any SD take advantage of you because a better one WILL eventually come along. Just be patient! If you’re not attracted to him, I personally don’t think you should sleep with him because you may not feel so wonderful about yourself afterwards.

As far as platonic SD relationship goes…I am friends with one, however it’s always just been a friendship. We quickly realized we wouldn’t be a good match, but enjoy catching up every now and then. He’s never assisted me financially, but I would never expect that of him either.

Good luck!

babydollsays:

@melanie i am a first time SB and joined this site when i am already in a relationship with my one and only SD but i joined because like i said i never planned to fall inlove,if there was a perfect SD this is him who i am with and i am deeply atttracted to him too,but what i am saying is,if it was me and i met up with someone who is highly unlikely i will be attractedd to however skint i am specially your guy who hasnt given you a clear agreement of any financial help its going to be too unfair and maybe you should think twice if you should continue,clearly he is expecting sexual relations in return before he gives you any financial help! and if he is a turn off why do you need to put up with it?it will only make you very unhappy x

babydollsays:

i have a question that i thought needs an answer form more expirienced sb’s this is the first time i had time to read articles and i am in a bit of a jepardy at the moment..i have been in a very comfortable and loving SD/SB relationship for the past few months unfortunately i fell in love with him had errible break up with a fiancee and he was there for me through out and too scared at the thought that he is now seeking a new SD/SB relationship although non is discussed of where ours is heading,is this silly to think that he will stick with one SB which is me? accept it as hurtful as it is and carry on anyway? i wouldnt dream of confronting him..although we agreed we will discuss it this month where we want it to go?or just get out of it before i get burned?please help!

melaniesays:

Have any of you SBs had a platonic relationship? Do all SDs want sex as part of their agreement? I feel like ever time I see my pot SD he just wants to screw me. I can’t bring myself to do it with him. Maybe in the future, but not as of the moment. He knows I need help financially, but I don’t want him to think I’m just using him for his money.. even though I have yet to receive anything. I don’t know whether to walk away and find someone who doesn’t want sex, which seems highly unlikely, or continue to see him.

p.s. this is my first SD relationship

Mandysays:

@ Midwest SB, I do see what you are saying and it makes perfect sense. I am happy to get that out of the way. I have probably spent way to much time reading blogs and tips today , but I feel well educated on the matter at this point. I am glad I joined and I am happy to have had the help along the way!

Pumpkinsays:

Pumpkinsays:

@jennie: Your experience sounds like a carbon copy of mine. I flew out to meet an SD with whomc I was communicating extensively, and accepted his “no-pressure” visit. The animals wanted to sleep with me (as he did) and he got annoyed saying that he spent a load on my plane fare so I ought to be more forth-coming sexually. And then he did a most unthinkable thing that had me disturbed for a VERY LONG time…(I wonder if we encountered the same person)…

I’m glad that you remain safe and have better luck next time i.e. meet someone worthwhile.

Midwest SBsays:

Jennie – You can report his behavior to SA, but it’s ultimately up to them to remove him from the site. You have already sent him into a tailspin. There is no further need to communicate with him. If he becomes threatening, then take appropriate action to protect yourself.

Midwest SBsays:

Jennie – I hope you have a way to block his e-mails and calls. If not, I highly recommend Google Voice. You may have to wait a while or get a referral, but it’s great for screening safety. Guru’s number 1 rule is don’t reward bad behavior. No matter what he does, ignore him. Stand firm. It may be a bumpy ride for a little while. Next time, have an out-of-town SD come to meet you…even if it means waiting a few months until he has to come closer on business. I’m sure you have figured this out. Glad you are safe. Keep us posted until you are home.

Mandy – The others have given you great advice. I would share that most women who ask for the 3-5K allowance will have less prospects and/ or typically live in a metropolitan area. Don’t change it if it is indeed what you need to reach certain goals. I’m a few hours away from you and kept my allowance at 1-3K. I’ve had three SDs, but didn’t have a ton of inquiries. The nice thing is you have weeded out the poofers quickly. Thank them and move on.

Ok. How do I blacklist a sd. This guy is sending emails every 5-10 min. I done want to block him until I’m home safe. I definitely done want to miss him off and have a scene at the airport. But I have every intention of blacklisting and blocking him when I get home.

Well Jeanie ~ What you already experienced is what we call drama! So you have already not made it out of the state drama free. But here’s wishing that you safely return home without any further drama! Since you are visiting friends might I suggust that you have one or more of them accompany you around, to the airport, etc. Just to make sure. Also you might think about asking to change rooms and alert the front desk that you don’t want visitors.

Ok. Ive officially decided to never speak with this guy again. I’m just hoping I have not developed a stalker. After 8 hours of phone conversation, and a three hour visit… hes decided he’s in love. Wish me luck on making it out of the state drama free.

NC Gentsays:

Jennie — you don’t owe him anything. Don’t communicate with him again. For sure, don’t tell him you changed your flight because he might try to “meet” you at the airport – your safety is the most important thing at this point.

@ Jennie Let it go . You owe him nothing for his rude behavior

@ Mandy Good job ! Keep it positive . Save the dirty details for private conversations with pots when you pass them through screening 101

Sawaisays:

Wow, I can’t believe she yelled at Brandon like that. How rude. She’s obviously very ignorant. But you can’t really get mad at her. That sugar daddy reminds me of the men I’ve ran into on here. This is my second time on the site. Just trying to give it a second chance because my first round was horrible. Nothing but men emailing me a couple times then disappearing. Or men who complain on how much I have for my allowance amount. I thought that was the point of having it, so that men who weren’t looking to compensate that much could pass over my profile. One man I met with lived all the way in Santa Barbara. I went out there (with a friend of course), and it took me almost 4 hrs to get there! He said he couldn’t come to me because his dogs required shots every hr because they were sick. I didn’t want to put miles on my car like that, and the train would take 7 hrs. No way! I tried to explain this over the phone next time we were to meet, and he accused me of wasting his time! I couldn’t believe it. So, I bowed out gracefully and apologized, and moved on. It’s crazy the types you run into on here! I wish I could find that perfect SD relationship for me.

Mandysays:

I updated my profile and also added some new photos. I have been reading a lot on here today. I am amazed at all the information I have collected. I should have been reading this all along. I feel kind of foolish for not.
Being I am married I do understand the out come of who may be interested. I try to explain my situation the best as a I can. I just want to be honest . I thrive on honesty even though I know, I will be forced to face a lot of liars. I figure one of my good qualities is the fact that I can face criticism with a smile on my face.
I have been burned on this site with rude and out of touch people . So maybe that did have a lot to do with my last profile update. From here on out I am going to keep it positive and understand, everyone has different needs and wants.
So, Keeping my head up because, I HAVE A LOT TO OFFER the right person.

Hugs to all!!!

I’m not home yet. I took the oppertunity to visit friends until my flight leaves. It leaves tomorrow though. What I’m having trouble with is tactfully responding to the extremely rude email that he sent. I tried to get a old of him to let him know that I would be changing the return ticket. Instead, I got in touch with the roommate. Am I obligated to call and go through this conversation with him? He seems to be extremely upset. His very long email consisted of about 5 wtf’s? And his opening statement was something along the lines of “I’m not too happy?” Do I call and speek to the guy again or just board my plane tomorrow?

Va Gentlemansays:

@ Lisa

Jeeeez ! I can’t believe how many Dicks there are out there ladies . It makes me appreciate what you have to wade through to find a true gentleman .

Guy #1 Was/is a jerk and your first impression was right on .You should never have given him the satisfaction of a followup email.

Guy#2 wants someone at his beck and call when he wants you . He obviously had several other ladies on the hook as well. Once a SD is into you he is more likely to be understanding and patient but you are new to each other and he had a more responsive option .

RE: convenience many SDs have fairly limited time to spend with a SB , particularly if they are married . So they will go with someone who can accomodate their schedule . Again , it’s also a case of supply and demand . Through no fault of your own -bad luck perhaps , he felt that you were blowing him off perhaps .

@Mandy- You are right, it is good advice. Thanks

@Stormcat- Thank you for the advice that you gave to Mandy, I think that I will be able to use it as well.

Mandysays:

@ Lisa , read up to StormCat . Lots of good advice. I have been learning a lot!!! I have had this issue as you know. I just figure that its not my loss. I also had to change some things on how I was looking at the whole situation. The people here have been a lot of help.

@VA Gentleman, Done. I will take all the advice I can get. I take constructive criticism well. Thank you all. Lets hope when the new one is approved you all will approve too!! WINK*

Thanks Again!

@Mandy- I am having the same problems as you are. I get email after email an then like you said “poof they are gone”. I had one SD that contacted me and he wanted me to drive into Manhattan, NY…I live on Long Island, but I am originally from same of the smaller towns into south. Anyway, I told him that I was not comfortable driving into the city because I haven’t lived here for that long, the next thing you know; he sent me an email saying “Don’t waste my F***ing time”! My first thought was “WOW….what a jerk”. However, I responded by apologizing for any inconvenience that I may have caused him because that was not my intension. So with that said, I just let the whole thing slide. He replied with a second email saying “Just come on and wear something sexy, and I like it shaved.” Needless to say, I didn’t reply!
Another SD contacted me and we emailed back and forth quite a few times before setting up a date and time to meet. We discussed me being married and it would have to be discreet, what the arrangement would entail, how many times a week, what we would do, how much $, etc. We met one time right before Christmas, he wanted to meet the next week but I explained to him that my husband was on vacation that week so I wasn’t sure if I could get out of the house or not. We went ahead and made the plans to meet the following Tuesday, however, I came down with a cold over the weekend, so I sent him an email Sunday night to tell him. Long story short, he said that he didn’t get it, found someone else, and didn’t hold up his part of the arrangement.
Can someone please tell me why guys do this?

Mandysays:

Thank you all so much for the advice. It was more than asked for. I will fix my profile and see what happens. I will be more patient and I have already taken some advice to heart . Thank you all again .

Va Gentlemansays:

@ Mandy

For what it is worth to you from another serious SD’s viewpoint , I looked at your profile and you seem to be a sexy spirited girl . However there is TMI there for me and like NC Gent I got a negative vibe . I can sense where the posers and A-Holes have perhaps tainted your perspective . I would recommend removing paragraphs 1 and 4 on entirely . I like to see positivity and self confidence without too much braggadocio (like –“I am the hottest babe you will ever have the pleasure of —” ) Leave in your list of interests and assets , and take out the warnings and disclaimers .

NC Gentsays:

Mandy — I looked at your profile, and from the one pic, I must say you have a rockin’ body. I had previously looked at your profile when I was doing a search and it is nice to put a personality with it. I thought the explanation on the marriage part was very useful…. being a married SB is going to represent some additional challenges — a good percentage of SDs just don’t want to deal with it, but having said that, there are married SBs on this blog that have had some success. When I viewed your profile before (and today) I felt the rhetorical question about the meaning of the site created a negative aura. I don’t think that will screen anyone of the posers out and it does put a negative spin on your profile. Also, many SDs are looking for someone who can travel with them — if you are able to travel, it would be good to indicate that. Finishing with a positive spin, if you are patient, I think you should be able to find someone

Jennie — don’t beat yourself up, but do learn from this. I definitely don’t think you are completely to blame for this. I have been sugar dating for about 5 years now, and just last month I made judgement error that cost me about $2k. At some point you have to trust your instincts, but there are always people out there who can fool someone. I believe you can have the best screening tools in the world, but you don’t know someone until you meet them — hang in there!

Va Gentlemansays:

True love or good enough ?

Mandy , Stormcat’s analysis is excellent yet daunting at the same time. I think in the Sugar world most of us are looking for someone ” good enough” to provide us with what we need and want . Thus the odds go up considerably of finding that guy who fits your needs but might not be perfect . If you are lucky then you could meet the dream of your life . But most Sugars here are not looking for that forever guy anyway . I have the perfect Sugar for me after seeing many ok and good enough ladies over the past several years . So keep being true to your ideals and the right Sugar will eventually come along .

Jeanie ~ Appalled to read about your experience. I guess if he grew up with dirt floors he’d think that’s all that’s necessary. But this is not that kind of lifestyle and the circumstances could not even be predicted by you. He was obviously misrepresenting himself in his communications. About his indignance; maybe he thought of you as his one shot at something wonderful and didn’t realize the futility of such. Anyway you are home safe and can use the experience as a sobering example of why you need to be careful.

@jennieOmg. Just got done with a sugar date from hell. The bad part was that I had to fly 7 hours to go on it.

I’m sorry to hear about your experience, but it’s just another example of why traveling long distance to meet a pot SD is usually not a good idea. Regardless of where the blame goes, too many things can go wrong in this situation and the odds for a good experience are not good.

@MandyHonesty should be a good thing. Should I start making myself something I am not?

Comments like yours and several others recently are very common from newbie SB’s. So keep the following tips in mind:

1. Be patient – If you signed up on Match would you expect to find the perfect date in a few days? Of course not. It can take weeks or months to find exactly what you’re looking for. The perfect SD is not just going to fall on your lap (unless you’re lucky). It will take relentless screening and you may end up kissing a few frogs along the way.

2. It’s a numbers game – As I’ve mentioned in my blog, the rule of supply and demand is reversed in the sugar world compared to the dating world. Genuine SD’s, especially those who are able and willing to provide steady financial support, are in short supply. They have plenty of potential SB’s to choose from and can be very picky if they want to be.

3. Have thick skin – There are lots of flaky and rude men who will treat you with less than gentlemanly behavior. Don’t take it personal and don’t let them waste your time. Block, delete, ignore, and move on.

4. Use common sense – There are lots of fakes and posers out there so if something sounds too good to be true, it usually is. Trust your gut instinct, use common sense, and don’t put yourself in a situation where you can be taken advantage of. If there is something you wouldn’t normally do in the dating world, such as going to a guy’s place on the first date, why would you do that in the sugar world?

5. Be yourself – Be true to yourself and your values. Don’t compromise and do something you’re not comfortable with just because sugar is involved.

Still not having any luck after a while? Ask someone with more experience to review your profile and emails to see if there is anything you’re doing that might be attracting the type of men you don’t want.

Mandysays:

Thanks Stormcat,. That makes more sense. I do understand what you are saying. I will continue to give it a shot and see what happens. I am glad I found this blog , it has really helped allot. its good to know there arengood people out there willing to help.
Thank you again!

Sorry, math correction, -300,000 perfect SDs worldwide-

He did offer to put me in a hotel. But only after I told him that I was not comfortable staying and a friend was picking me up. It was 4am and my flight got in at 1. I do blame myself for this completely. I usually make sure a hotel is booked for me in advance. This time I was alot more laid back about it though. What I don’t get though is how someone can expect someone they have never met to be OK with living in extremely dirty conditions. I’m not a neat free, but I do have standards. When the animals are using the floor as a litter box… don’t expect anyone to want to visit.

Mandy ~ Actually the only thing you might be doing wrong is expecting it to be easier than it is. I mean you’re in there trying and eventually your efforts will pay off. Try thinking about the general population of men that you might meet in real life. About 75% are not available. Of the 25% remaining, 20% are jerks losers users abusers wimps, Of the 5% after that, 41/2% are not attractive to you physically, and of the resulting 1/2% most will bomb with you for a multitude of other reasons, So even in the general population you might have to meet 5000 men before you click with one. Superimpose on that the limitation of additude character and wealth requirements that make up a legit SD it’s a pretty small fraction. Maybe 1/100,000. But take heart. There are a lot of men in the world. 3 billlion if you believe the population statistics, 125 million in the US alone. That means 125,000 perfect SDs waiting for you somewhere in the world with 125 of them being in the US.

Anyway, by realizing that finding the right person to be your SD is a matter of numbers, you can streamline your search. There is nothing wrong with cut and paste if used as a streamlining technique. Write a really good intro letter, then as you find pots that you are interested in modify it to fit the person. Then have several good followup letters that you can also modify for the individual situation. That way instead of contacting twenty or thirty pots at a time you can contact two or three hundred. After two rounds of screening communication all the messages are individually written and well thought out.

Lastly don’t worry about offending people. If the pot gets indignant over something so simple as using cut and paste to send better messages you are not going to want to be with him anyway. You’re trying to find an SD not win a social manners award.

Mandysays:

Thanks NC Gent. my pro number is this…827403 . Help! Thank you!!!!!

NC Gentsays:

Jennie — if he was a real SD, the cost of a plane ticket should be chump change to him. Also, he should have covered your sleeping arrangements, and you should have gotten a hotel room confirmation in your name prior to traveling to see him IMHO. At least you are safe, but I am sorry you wasted so much time, money and effort.

Mandy — it takes a lot of screening to find a real SD, and a real SD won’t talk about money or sex in the first email. If you are willing to provide us with your profile number, maybe there is something there that is attracting the wrong type. Honest and straightforward is great as long as it is done diplomatically I am sorry for your frustrations, but once you find a keeper, it will all be worthwhile.

Mandysays:

Can some one tell me what i am doing wrong? Honesty should be a good thing. Should I start making myself something I am not? I get e mails of men that are interested and they keep them going and then poof they are gone. At least have enough respect for yourself to say , you are not interested, I do .
No one seems to be who they say they are. I guess that is the internet for ya. But that must not be working for them because they are always on searching.
I did find a guy I was interested in . He e mailed me and I emailed him back and he told me I copy and pasted my response. What a duche! I am sorry if men can not handle and Honest Straight Forward Female Who Knows What SHE wants . Im not asking for much , Just some attention and fun. Maybe I should paint my face like a tramp throw on some spiked heels and a mini skirt. LMAO! NOT IN A MILLION. Classy is the way to go . And who the hell talks about money exchange on the first e mail? I sure as hell don’t. I also don’t have any expectations. WHy should I ? I have no clue what is out there. I just wish something would happen cause this site is turning into a huge joke.

jenniesays:

Omg. Just got done with a sugar date from hell. The bad part was that I had to fly 7 hours to go on it. I took it upon myself to switch my own ticket, and pay the aditional fees to leave early. I also made my own sleeping arrangements for a few nights. I don’t understand why this guy is so upset that things diddnt work out. He really didn’t do anything except buy a plane ticket.

I use contraceptives,no worry. And I talk to my guy(s) and tell them if they don’t already know. I’m a bit too old to be teaching sex manners…

Samanthasays:

Honey I like to clean myself because I noticed that when a SD tries to do he’s too rough and doesn’t get that I’m very sensitive after we finish. And a guy doesn’t know that you’re not supposed to wipe from back to front (if you’re laying down). I usually just take the cloth from him and don’t use the same one as him. No condom? Please be safe and not prego

Honeysays:

how about a convo about sex etiquette. I was intrigued by the spit as a lube stuff.and salmon..
Like if you are in a relationship that does not involve condoms, is the male obligated to provide a towel.preferably wet and warm to help clean the effusiveness? (not sure if that word is used right?)
Carebear! Correct me! I demand it! I’m bored and it’s my last day in Sing Sing.
Most guys have done that for me, am I in the minority?

@Nico The reason they haven’t come up with a “certified” option for SBs yet is that computers can’t count high enough to estimate your worth 😉

Nicosays:

You know, the verification process through peers or SD/SB makes more sense than the “Certified” option on the site. To be certified just means they validate your ‘worth’, not that you make a great SD. Most stories I’ve heard (not all) Certified guys are players and/or pay-for-play. Just because their worth is certified doesn’t mean they know ‘how’ to be a true SugarDaddy.

Sugarssays:

Hi! I’m a totally new SB on here. I’ve been a SB in all my relationships previously and it just happened naturally (with guys my age). I’m kind of afraid of online dating, especially with all of the things you guys have posted! What are you red flags/filters?

Also thank you to Dorkyguy for the suggestion of posting here!

ContentSBsays:

@Stormcat — I’m glad she loved it! Her reaction sounds like everything you could have asked for plus more And how lovely that she was able to give you something that you love as well! Yay!

@Samantha — I loved reading about your experience with your SD. I think it can be easy to be bogged down by people’s negative experiences, so happy stories like that are so great to hear! I hope he continues to be a true gentleman and that thing progress naturally

@Samantha, i have no idea… I can’t imagine they’d charge the SBs anything, but I’m not in any special position of knowledge.

Congrats on your SD by the way

Samanthasays:

@DorkyGuy- If they did a whitelist or verified SB program would SB have to pay for it? Because I don’t see the point of a SB paying to meet a SD (or one that will magically get cold feet).

I am pleased to report that I finally found my SD charming and we haven’t had sex (I’m so happy about that). Yesterday he paid for my cab and gave me a box of See’s candy at the hotel room he got. We ate some delicious room service and watched a movie while cuddling on the bed. Then he was nice enough to drop me off at the grocery store where I was supposed to meet my mom at.

Well on the site there is a “cleared section” for SDs and a black list. evidence is needed to submit anyone for both, but it’s a great way to out undesirable SDs. Thanks to the site, many SBs have already escaped men who are a waste of time. You’d be surprised how many men contact the same girls.

@Stormcat, yeah, the prerequisite is that they have to be “verified”. I heard that they are working on a “verified SB” program, probably using a drivers license to confirm location and photos. The whitelist probably wouldn’t work until that is in place.

Hello Sugars!
It’s been a while… Been way too busy with work as usual.
Happy New Year, Health, Happiness and prosperity to all

Now that the holidays are over, time to relax a little, getting back to work only next week…
Hope you are all well

Dorkey Guy ~ The white list is a good idea. Recommendations would actually have to be earned by actual performance. Or would they . . . I’m sure that there would be a way figured out to obfuscate the intent. For example: Jerk SD wants to be on the white list. Since SBs are usually free accounts he creates 2 SB accounts and then recommends himself over time. Besides isn’t a white list what the diamond club is attempting to be?

Kindred Spirit, Content SB ~ The gift! Yes is was well received! Not the usual Oh-Thank-You kiss, rather a sort of introspective silence and a softly uttered “you made this . . . for me . . ” (lol) followed after she regained composure by the properly administered Oh-Thank-You kiss. Also she brought a really wonderful gift herself. She’s never brought me a gift before so I didn’t know what to expect. Yet there it was . . . a double breasted Armani Cardigan that fit perfectly and looked fantastic. Plus she kept telling me that I looked so handsome in it. I guess Midwest is right. I need to quit over thinking this relationship and just enjoy it.

Hmmmm ~ (Blushing) Actually, Yes. Ph.D. (Immunology) “1987”, J.D. “1999” But I try to not to brag too much about it even though my friend used to always say “Quit being so humble, you’re not that great!” btw: Nice catch, are you the blog detective?

Va Gentlemansays:

Happy New Year everyone !

@ MidwestSB

Hi Doll ! Well , appropos to the discussion re: communication my SB and I talked about the concern I had about her possibly seeking other SDs and— she wasn’t. We are in great shape together . This demonstrates the importance of communication in keeping a romance/arrangement alive . I waited too long since I fretted for several weeks and lost sleep over a non issue . Your concern about emotional involvement is still there – I am definitely attatched to her . It is just the way I am and it makes the whole experience much more exciting for me ,but makes the fall more traumatic. I am not clingy but do expect a certain degree of responsiveness . I now know to discuss these issues up front . But —what we don’t know early in a relationship is how intense we will get .

@Betty Blue

“—-why is it that pot SDs are so into chatting , emailing, exchanging pics , texting , etc—”

Of the serious pot SDs ,many have multiple SBs working at any given time –“casting a wide net” as someone said earlier . Since responses from Pot SBs are not usually quick the tendency is to write a bunch and see what comes back . Then the SD may have several he’s communicating with and will focus on the most promising at the time leaving everyone else in the lurch. .

Guys are visual and frequently evaluate a pot SB initially by visual appeal . Yes –we are shallow. However –one or two good views of a face and of the overall body appearance should be adequate and more than that is unnecessary. Naked requests are rude and totally unacceptable -delete them . If they request more pics then they are just playing and not interested in a relationship. How many SD/SB profiles are teens or even tweens looking for excitement ? Who knows ?

@Chrislatina87

“—its also our fault for not letting them know —” Absolutely ! Most men want their partner to get the most out of a sex session and would appreciate some direction. If a guy’s ego is fragile then there are ways to delicately lead him in the right direction .

Betty Bluesays:

I dont want to get into details , as since hes married he needs discretion , and even though Ive never met him . I dont feel I should talk about his personal matters . I hold up my end , even if he doesnt hold up his . Lets just say , I must be the Grim reaper because its amazing how many people seem to die( exaggeration on that ) when it comes time to meet

@BettyBlue – He may have cancelled due to either a family issue, financial issue, or decided to go with another SB etc. What excuse did he give you?

hmmmsays:

Stormcat — You’re a lawyer and and immunologist?

Betty Bluesays:

@ Cali SD– then why would he already book and send me the flight ticket , make room reservations , and send me the car service confirmation? It sounded like he really wanted to meet me , and then they just disappear . why would they go through all of that , just to cancel last minute ?

CaliSDsays:

@BettyBlue – regarding married SD’s getting cold feet.. I think married SD’s can generally manage one SB at a time and have to pick carefully. Single SD’s can play the field. I am married and generally get my premium membership here when I have accumulated (siphoned off) enough funds to last ~6 months. Then my search is very thorough and I pick one SB. I have time to email many SB’s but generally only meet 2-3 and pick one.

SBFRIENDsays:

Hey @ KC! I tried clicking on your name but couldn’t get ur email link to show up! You will have to excuse my poor computer skills lol! I may be there this week so send your email my way or how to get it!

Arcadia SBsays:

cms1113 & notsureaboutthis – You’re target allowance can be whatever you want it to be. It might be unrealistic, but it’s really no one’s business but your own. However, most SD’s want to help an SB move forward in her life, so paying off debt, paying for college, etc. is something that gives them a “warm fuzzy feeling” and generally gives them an idea of who you are and what they can help you achieve. Some girls just want to maintain a status quo or want shopping trips or to travel to mix up their life (all valid choices). Being up front and clear about your goals from sugar helps you find a good sugar relationship.
Just to give you an idea of what some sugar look for, here’s my situation:
As a masters student in another country, I’m allowed to work 20 hours a week, my tuition and basic bills (not including groceries or a pint occasionally) are £1550 monthly (or $2420) which I have been paying with student loans. The University recommends no more than 10-15 hours per week to still have time to focus on studies. With the work load I have in school, I have time for either a) a boyfriend b) a part time job or c) an SD. I prefer an SD because a boyfriend is generally wanting more of an emotional commitment than I am willing to make at this point in my life. Working part time is in an option that I have explored, but I’ve had difficulty finding a job(whether or not it’s even a decent job I’d enjoy) that works with my student schedule. So I chose the SD route as I can pay for my education, spend time with a man I enjoy but don’t have to worry about marriage/babies/LTR problems/clinginess (my studies are my time priority), and generally, I get to have a good time and the best of both worlds.

At some point I need to comment on New Years resolutions and what not…but I’ve enjoyed reading everyone else’s comments

Betty Bluesays:

@ Mandy , I agree and feel your pain .
@ Dorkyguy , I agree on a black and white list . However since alot of SDs are married and want discretion , getting them to write a reccomendation might be difficult

Okay vent of the day —-actually 2

1. I write a very nice , long , thoguht out email to a pot SD . His email back is all about sex , asking about my breasts, saying he will send a sex questionarie before we even meet , and then asks for nude pics ( even though I clearly stated in the email I sent him , that I dont do that ) Ugh . Is this the norm now ? I dont think so .

2.Had a meeting witha pot SD this thurs ( 2 days from now ) . He already bought the ticket and today emails me and says he needs to cancel . I swear this happens 75% of the time . Despite whatever the excuse is they say — Is it really just cold feet that married SDs get . .. all the time ?

cms1113says:

notsureaboutthis- From what i’ve been reading on these blogs an allowance should be enough to cover your bills, is that not right? Personally, i thought that was a bit much but thats what ive been reading left and right. I actually work 2 jobs so no im not disabled or unable to get a parttime job. So since you said what you said, is what im reading inaccurate?

carebear- thanks for the advise. I said it the way i said it on here but the way you told me to phrase it was how i phrased it, i think. I basically told them that yes i work 2 jobs and can pay my own bills but even with the two jobs im unable to save or make a dent in my debt so the goal would be to pay that down before 2099 lol.

Mandysays:

I have been on this site for a bit now and I am getting frustrated. It seems these guys want you to lie and play games. Even after they say no lies and no games. I am as honest as they come. i have a good head on my shoulders. It seems all these men want is a 18 yo ding dong ditz. lol

Pumpkinsays:

@DorkyGuy: What a novel idea. I like…

Nicosays:

OOohh, Dorky Guy, I like that idea.

@SDGuru, Thank you…the new site you listed seems a lot more reasonable. However, I agree with you that it is a bit of a lost cause, especially if the SBs are limited to using blogs. If the SBs want a comprehensive blacklist, they’re gonna need to get someone to develop and host a proper web application for it. Developing fair rules for such a web application would be mind-numbingly complex, as you would have to track reputation of both SBs and SDs to figure out which reports to treat credibly, as well as provide some kind of appeal process. I share your skepticism that a completely fair system could ever be developed.

Instead, what I think may be more valuable would be a “whitelist” for both SBs and SDs, where both could report positive experiences. It would be simple. If you are a SB, get two verified (paying) SDs to nominate you for the whitelist. If you are a SD, get two verified SBs to nominate you. If you have many complaints, you could be removed from the list.

carebearsays:

cms113-don’t present it like these are my bills what can you do, or, if we see each other so often can you help me with at least half. say these are my goals and i’m struggling with x, so i’d prefer if you could help me with x. thats what i was hoping for when i joined the site. hopefully you can help me do so because you want to, not because you have to. just like i want to be with you because i want to, not because i have to.

see the difference =)

notsureaboutthis-
if his company is worth a damn, its on the internet. if its on the internet, you can find it. google every variation of his name, his company name, other people’s names that come up with the company. google the company from a business standpoint, ie, if i were looking for a contractor, i would google top 10 contractors in atlanta, georgia. etc etc. run his email(s) on spokeo, google his email addresses. read the second and third pages, if you get a lead, google that.

on the other hand, i’d like to believe that i’m almost completely unsearchable on the internet. =D

@DorkyguyI did a google search for “sugardaddy blacklist”, and found one that was very disturbing.

The subject of SD blacklist has come up from time to time, you can see some examples here and here. In the past there had been several attempts to compile blacklists, but these efforts usually fizzle out over time because the lists became outdated quickly and there is no easy way to verify the accuracy of the information. The one you found via google search hasn’t been updated in two years. I’m aware of one list that has been updated lately and you can see it here.

@LdnSo far I had no response… I hope this site is NOT a scam ?

This is the second time you’ve raised the issue without providing anything specific about your experience. If this site is a scam I’m sure there will be many others asking the same question. The blog can be very helpful but it’s difficult to provide constructive feedback without knowing more about your specific situation.

Lydia Bennett 512916says:

Happy new year everyone..I actually prefer New Years Intentions rather than Resolutions.
and briefly, back on topic..i like the sentiments of Peter Allen’s song “i’d rather leave while i’m in love” While every one of us may, and should find one great love in our lifetime..why can’t we have lots of little loves along the way? ahh Limerance..how wonderous it is….

Honeysays:

cms113-remind him that if you work too much you MAY not be able to see him all the time

notsureaboutthissays:

cms1113 wrote:
I dont want to sell myself short but my monthly bills are right at $2000/mo and if im seeing the other guy who’s also giving me at least $1000 i’d be getting the bills paid.

—I am just curious. Its one thing to want a certain amount and another to say you want all of your bills paid. Are you disabled and unable to work? Even if you are a student you should be able to get an part time job, no?

notsureaboutthissays:

Hi

I have a question. I am communicating with an out of town SD. I expressed my concerns about he sent me his name and name of his company and said he is the CEO. He told me about all of their projects. The web site is minimal but appears to be legit but when I google his name he is connected to his company at Manta but that is it. Should I be concerned that I can’t find more about him?

New England, yes that one. I want my three names monogrammed.
and I 2nd carebear ,treat the sugarworld like a bar, some cool guys, some sleazy guys.

carebearsays:

PS, in regards to the blog topic and the chain of comments where many have been left disappointed……2 words: tough shit.

Sorry.

#1 rule when first meeting someone on the internet: have 0 expectations. That way, you are never let down and only sometimes pleasantly surprised!

Second, we all (both SD’s and SB’s) take a risk. If you leave the date feeling burned because she ran up your bar tab, or because you drove and wasted gas money and he didn’t show, oh well. You signed up for this, so remember you are also subscribed to the consequences! Life aint always peachy, so learn to suck on a lemon from time to time.

Pumpkinsays:

@Honey: Safe journey!

@LewisSB: Granted, the man was pathetic and acted irresponsibly and immaturely, however, I do not agree with the reaction of the girls to damage his property. That too was immature.

Personally, I feel it best to take the high road — leave a fool wondering. Why belittle yourself with undignified and immature behaviour(s)? Besides, the consequences are such that you stand to be castigated by individuals with the mentality of Judge Glass, and possible public embarrassment from an otherwise private situation.

If your life is not endangered, why fight? Forget acrimony for it takes away too much energy and we all witnessed a likely outcome in the Parade of Clowns above.

carebearsays:

Happy new year!

Its midnight somewhere, right?

Rang it in with the best sugar friends a girl could ask for. Starting (should have already started) a 30 day challenge with Miss NYC SB. Miss the rest of you as always!

Happy to report that holidays went well with the family, hooked them up with some awesome presents. Still not completely satisfied with what I got FOR my SD although he keeps trying to tell me all is fine. Or to shut up rather.

All is well with him. Still trying to wrangle this new guy I’ve been sort of seeing, been a challenge. But I like a challenge. =) And he likes me. Wish it were that simple.

Now, if you all will excuse me, I’m going to go have my cake and eat it too.

Briansays:

Wow. Despite agreeing or disagreeing with the SD/SB relationships, the last time I checked vandalism is a crime, and a victim of a crime has the right to fair compensation. Personally if I was the defendant in that case I would be taking that $50k a year allowance and putting it towards every effort to have her disbarred.

NewEnglandBabysays:

@ Honey is it the one where you can add either your full name or initials?? My Sd got it for me, it’s really nice and elegant. I added just the first letter of my first name on it. Pretty bag, hope you get it!! safe travels back to the state.

Honeysays:

I thought so Pumpkin,thanks for always taking the the time to answer.
I leave for the states in a few days…I want/need the new LV personalized purse. The inside color was just too pretty and I would love to have my initials painted on it…
I will offer to pay for half and I bet my SD will say,” no, sweetie, let me get it for you, keep your money”
At least a girl can fantasize…lol

Pumpkinsays:

@Honey: Based on what little I have come to know of you; Honey — Limerent Object; has a nice ring, n’est pas?

@DorkyGuy: For Valentine’s Day and every other time, just let your SB know that you like it best when your turgid phallus is deep throated (and I DO NOT mean to be licentious in any ways)

Regarding the Blacklist, like you I have taken issues with the principles (or lack thereof) governing how a man is posted and the course of redress. Granted, there are women who can be very malicious and vindictive, and fora such as the one which I came across during the Google search, can certainly propel and perpetuate such nefarious schemes.

I have encountered at least one man on this site (SA) who transformed before my eyes from someone respectable and considerate to a manipulative and disrespectful fool! I was hurt and deeply offended, but was I to tarnish his name and reputation? Certainment non! I took the high road, but not before letting him know in the most dignified way possible what I thought of him and his behaviour. <>

@BalletGirl : I hope that your prospective arrangement manifests and is mutually beneficial.

Enough said…Loquacious me! :$

LewisSBsays:

That horrified me completely.. i’m surprised at how cheap he was, i mean personally i don’t expect much but he just degraded them two girls i felt sorry for them really and he deserved the car damage.. I don’t know whether i would do that myself though, but if a sugarDaddy did that to me i’d be pretty disgusted

BalletGirlsays:

I agree that there should be some sort of blacklist, but…like Dorkyguy I did a search and found that site. I found the blacklist site pretty wrong too. The baby can claim whatever she wants :-/ I know personally I have moments of irrationality or stubbornness and I know there are some /crazy/ chicas out there. Worrisome.

On a different note I just had a lovely first meet with a pot. I really think he’s interesting, and funny even though he’s by far the oldest pot I’ve met. Weird, I guess it wasn’t age turning me off in some of the no-go’s. Good to know. Hope he thinks it went well too lol.

I did a google search for “sugardaddy blacklist”, and found one that was very disturbing. It was public (no login required), and it had guys’ names, addresses, phone numbers, and work info available for the world to see.

According to the rules of the site, the only way a negative review is taken down is by the girl who originally posted the review (hope nothing happens to her!). A guy cannot present evidence and ask a moderator to remove the item. He can’t ask other girls he knows to vouch for his character. The guy is not even allowed to post a rebuttal, with his version of events. He can’t even request that his personal information (name, phone number, etc) be obfuscated.

This is because “a Sugar Baby has zero motivation to report an honest man of his word”… Evidently, women are immune to irrational behavior or nepharious motives (like using a site like that as a form of blackmail).

That is sooo wrong in so many ways. I wouldn’t object as much if it were behind a secure login, but literally anybody could post anything about any SD to the entire world, and there’s not a damn thing he can do about it.

I really can see a valid need for a blacklist, but I don’t think that’s the right way to go about it.

Senoritasays:

I, too, would like to see this blacklist! I have a few men to contribute…

SouthernGent2says:

Bigdaddy65616 – you made some really good points earlier in this blog. You have set certain criteria based on experience over time. And that way you can make an unemotional decision about seeing someone longer term. I do the same thing myself now.

Kelly ~ do I understand correctly that you agree it is okay the girls keyed the daddy’s car because he left them at IHOP? I’m hoping that is not what you meant.

Heidi ~ there’s actually a blog dedicated to this. I believe Belle might have the information you seek.

heidisays:

who is Julie Glass? What is this about someone being “left”? I’m going to start a blog about guys who have been frauds, promisig money, gifts, etc. and then disappear. Other guys who have cost us money, aka drive long distance and waste our time, no reimbursement on gas let alone financial support or gifts. There are a lot who dont want the arrangement or want to pay or support or help in anyway what so ever. I wish they would lose their membership and get it revoked. Others want you to feel like crap for asking or expecting help.

OH WOW.

What are your New Year’s Resolution for 2012?
Find a sugar daddy of course

What do you think of the Swift Justice case? Do you think Judge Julie Glass made the right decision?
I think she is a little harsh about the relationships, but I believe if the sugar daddy left them somewhere it is only fair. Personally I would never do that.

Have you been in a Sugar Dispute?
No thank goodness. Ive been in awkward situations but thats about it.

What advice would you give to fellow Sugars on how they should deal with their Sugar Disagreements?
Let it go, sometimes things dont work out.

Honeysays:

Pumpkin, I may as well have invented the word! It goes well within the surbarbaby lexicon.. And I think it sounds much more magical.
signed Honey,Limerance Object! or would that be object of limerence…?

May all your sugar be sweet in the new year!!

Happy New Year Sugars!! I hope the new year brings lots of sugar! 😀

xoxox,
Anna

Babycakessays:

Not sure, he is young, cute, hot and rich. I am guessing if he offers a big allowance I have no problem going along with it. I can handle myself no doubt. My brothers all say if they had to have someone to cover them in a back alley they would have to pick me and my other sisters !

Sometimes i just have to show the men I run things !

So you haven’t?

Babycakessays:

Plus, he just thought it was an innocent wrestle match. I would say reg girls should not do it. I am just extra strong. My male friends always ask me to help them move things and I ask them why not ask a male friend. They say I am stronger and they trust I would hold up my side of the item we are moving because men sometimes will drop it on them. HAHAh !

I even carry a bulldog key chain on my keys that the ears of the dog are like two knives and you stick fingers through the eye holes.

Babycakessays:

I am a very tough girl and fought my sibling almost daily. I also do circus acts for a living so he had no chance of beating me. I just wore him out is all and he was ready to take me home after his smack down ! I told him he should not be trying to take people home because the tables might turn on him. The tipsy part had me kicking his ass !
I can handle myself you can trust that.

@Babycakes,
Have you added this man to the sugardaddy blacklist yet?

Jessiesays:

@Babycakes – WOW!! What a risk you took. You’re with a guy who obviously doesn’t understand what the word no means, who insists on taking you back to his place after a first date,(?) and without coercion you strip down to just your bra and nylons? Not to mention, he wasn’t an older SD, (so chances of overpowering you were wayyy easier), and you were “tipsy.” Thank goodness you walked away ok. Still, you’re thinking of starting an arrangement with a man who you’ll perhaps have to fight every step of the way, because if he didn’t listen to you last night, what says he’ll suddenly discover you have a voice?

Babycakessays:

I just wish guys would just listen to me when I say no. No need to be in a hurry first night ! When I say I am drunk and tired, one does not need to look drunk and tired. I am not making an excuse just because I am not sloppy drunk and still look adorable. Tipsy to me is wasted. Trying to get me to go over my drinking limit is wrong and not going to happen. I do not want a hangover for a whole day after. Guys need to stop pushing a girls drinking limits. Who wants a sloppy person?

hahahaha you should report him!

Babycakessays:

Sd Guru, No pics ! I wanted to fight him because he was not listening to anything I wanted to do. From the place I wanted to eat , To fact I did not want to drink and lastly I said no to going to his place but he took me anyway. Also he was getting frisky and I was saying no that also. So, A challenge to kick his ass was in order !

fish oil? Wow! I’ve heard maternity supplements work too.

Babycakessays:

I take fish oil also and noticed my skin and hair look better !

KindredSpiritsays:

AsianSB~ “If you have any tips, aphrodisiac of any sort, pray share!”
I have studied that fish oil capsules help with lubrication…have you tried them? I’m considering it, but also going to uptake my intake of salmon. Actually, it’s a tip in also helping with feeling more naturally horny. And hey, it’s all good for your heart, too, so win-win!! 😀

Stormcat~ …I hope she showed an enormous amount of appreciation for the amount of thought, effort and time that you put into your homemade Christmas present to her….

9 months, 1 year and 2 years.
It’s not easy making this deal work. First you have to sift through the posers, then you have to make sure your sb doesn’t start to resent the fact that they are dependent on you. Something that escaped me with the first 2.
I thought, spoil them, take care of them and treat them with respect was all that was necessary. Not so.

Hey everyone, im a sugar baby….male, but havent gotten any responses from any SM’s. Any tips or pointers on finding one? Please send me a message since I dont know how this blog thing works, thanks!

Tsays:

The worst SD experience I ever had was when I was hanging out with him at his apartment and he started to smoke some marijuana. He then became completely paranoid and started accusing me of thing that made no sense…:(

Whoa, what’s a pretty strong statement. There are certainly fakes and flakes on both sides. Perhaps you can tell us more about your experience so the blog can help you to get better results.

Babycakessays:

I had so much fun tonight on an sd date. he was younger than 30 and lived in a huge fancy rich house that he wanted me to see. he wanted to kiss me, I asked him would it be ok if instead we got on the floor and I could fight him ? i stripped to my bra and nylons so not ruin my dress and he put on shorts and a t-shirt…and we had a wrestle match ! It was so much fun ! I got lots of frustration out on him ! he did pin me but I put up a bad ass fight ! he wants to get into an arrangement now ! He had a date he will never forget !

My siblings and I used to fight like that all the time and I miss it ! I had a few drinks, I hardly ever drink !

Stormcat,
If your GF on medication and dry down there, then her mouth is dry as well (from the meds).
Exactly, Guru, Storm can make her fingers wet, or just make her wet (she is his girl, right).
:))

SD guru ~ You’re encoragable! But then if it weren’t for the expected hell that you are going to give us whenever we post probably neither Michael nor myself would still be here! (Of course I’m not speakng for alleycat)
Babycakes ~ Just keep being you . . . You’re lovely indeed!

I have been on this site for at least 4 years. Over that time I have had 3 ltr.
If you can’t afford to flush $200 down the toilet, don’t send the money.
It’s a numbers game and you’re not going to find a compatible sb through chat or email. You’re going to get taken, stood up and ignored. I’ve probably met 50 women on the site and found 3 I wanted to spend time with.
I learned early that she is waiting for me to prove I am real and I am waiting for her to prove she is real. The guy has to go first. My limit is $200 before we meet and $500 before the sex.
I never ask for more photos.
If we havent met within 2 weeks of first contact, next!
I still communicate with 2 of the 3.
I am looking for number 4, so I assume there will be no shows and scanners along the way.
Good luck all.

SBFRIENDsays:

Hi, are there any sugar babies who live in the west palm beach/ miami area? I am seeing a sd there and would love to have a good sb friend to go out with when he is at home….? Usually there 2x a month!

Babycakessays:

I try to make everyone laugh but also enjoy making myself laugh the most !

SD Guru… You always know the right things to say. It’s frustrating… Haha in a good way. You’re quite the turn on admittedly so… They do say older men are more experienced. That’s one of the SDs appeal. Work it guys.. Show em what you’re working with. Spanks for incentives! Smiles.

Dorkey Guy ~ Of course you’re a bad parent! But then that’s why you’re buying her a car! We all wish we had bad parents like you! Don’t worry about it! Just do it!

@Stormcat

You’re not offending anyone, but you’ve been on the same roller coaster for a while and the pendulum swings are just part of the ride. As I’ve said before, if you can’t handle the ride then get off the roller coaster. But you knew that already.

As for the female lubrication problem, I’m sure a romantic at heart like you is well versed in the art of extended foreplay and cunnilingus to solve the problem!

Aisian SB ~ I’m in awe! But also in agreement. Nothing wrong with saliva, I’m sorry that my reaction was so far off base.
Babycakes ~ Not offended at all. Your reaction to the percieved problem was fun and pleasent! I loved the visuals that you created. No offence from my viewpoint. I’m sure you could have me laughing withinh 5 secs of meeting you in person.

Thank you Asian Baby for the info !

Nicosays:

Hey MW ~ I disappear just long enough to be missed so, when I do come back, I get the warm welcome 😉

I have actually been on a mission to get lubed up naturally for sometime now. Bought hersolutiom tablets and gel, fembido, zinc supplements & pheromones/copulin perfume you name it.. Even starved myself from masturbation prior to my engagements.. I’m currently on a fish diet and it’s all working.. (; Since we’re on the topic of lubrication.. Thought I’d share. If you have any tips, aphrodisiac of any sort, pray share!

Human saliva is composed of 98% water, while the other 2% consists of other compounds such as electrolytes, mucus, blood, antibacterial compounds, and various enzymes. Furthermore, saliva lubricates and protects the teeth, the tongue, and the tender tissues inside the mouth. There’s absolutely nothing gross about saliva!! It’s the perfect lubrication.. So use it at will both you men and women.. (;

Hey Stormy, been working marathon hours through the holidays. We have two big new customers, and the deployment has been a bear. What social time I have had available, I have been giving to my kids… and sugar too, as it happens. I am buying my youngest daughter a brand new car this week lol, does spoiling them make me a bad parent?… My first car was a *very* used Oldsmobile 98.

Babycakessays:

I do not have to sugar coat anything, just pass me by if you do not like it ! Just tired of silly remarks by sugar pops on here. I am not going to be a fake about things. Trying to act classy means you are seriously just a fraud because we all know that is an act and shows one is not a true alpha but just one of many in a pack trying to conform and stay in line.

Jenna jameson reported that salina is the best lube. What is even more gross is I once had a man use it on his privates them wanted me to put my mouth on it. Now that is gross !

Stormcat is the one who brought up the topic of a girl doing that. I was just trying to point out why she did so. Plus he had a silly rant to go with it about sugar babies.

margaretsays:

this is very STUPID. This goes 2 show you that some sugardaddies are just CHEAP. They undermine this by making it a tit for tat thing all the time. I want a REAL MAN. Some sugarbabes are so immature as well..this is soooo bad.im ashamed.

Midwest~ You’re right (of course) She has major major immunotherapy meds every week and, even as an immunologist, I have no idea how that affects her physiology. I’m embarresed! I should be more sensative to that process. OMG What an idiot I am!

Dorky guy ~ Thanks man! How goes the search? I wish your 2012 full of joy and appreciation for the sweetness that you give her!

Hi Nico!!!!!

Nice to see you back Noir! Lovely avatar!

Hello to all the new bloggers!

Lana – My advice is at the first instance where a man who has not met you wants to insult you or talk to you like a pro…block and delete. Do not try to change his mind about you or think that he is worth the time spent writing the e-mail. He will never treat you like a lady. Block, delete and move on. As Guru says….don’t reward bad behavior.

Stormy – Relax! You over analyze everything when it comes to your re-langement! Women have “off” days where they can be a little less lubricated…can be caused by alcohol, prescriptions or just not being completely in the moment at that particular time. It does not mean that the relationship isn’t what you hoped it was. Try yoga or hiking or something and quit picking apart every detail. You’re missing out on all the good parts!

Babycakes – a little decorum sweets please. We are ladies here.

WCSD – Hi!!!!!!! Hope you are well!

cms1111- arrangements are not a x visits for x dollars type of relationship. You have certain goals/ needs and he helps you meet them. You enjoy your time with him and he enjoys your success. Don’t follow the pro mentality. Instead decide what you want to accomplish and what it will take to get there.

Smallfish and Ken – sorry about your experiences. It’s shaky ground when you’re getting to know someone and screening here is tough. We’ve all learned to grow a thick skin, but it pays off tremendously when we meet the right ones!

Betty Blue – I have some general guidelines that follow very closely to the “he’s not that into you” mantra:
1- If he doesn’t ask to speak within the first few e-mails – he’s just not that into you
2- If he compliments your pics, but wants more…tell him he would be even more pleased to see you in person. If he doesn’t schedule a date – he’s just not that into you
3- If he asks for nudes and gets pissed when you send a nude stick figure drawing – he’s just not that into you (and he’s an ass)
4- If he doesn’t schedule a meeting (regardless of how far out due to commitments) within the first two weeks of e-mailing – he’s just not that into you

Bottom line – If an SD is interested, there is very little that will get in his way of seeing you. Reality is, he has a lot of women to choose from, so don’t waste your time if it isn’t obvious that he wants to have a genuine arrangement.

New Years Resolutions? Fuhgetaboutit!!! Instead, I write a list of accomplishments for 2011 and check them off. It’s a great reminder of what went right in the year!

Video – after reading all the comments, I chose to forgo the drama. Who needs it!

Sugar gone sour – communication is key. It’s especially difficult when emotions get in the way of what should be fun and light-hearted. It makes the departure worse because you feel like “we could have had a great arrangement if…” and someone ends up getting hurt. (Right VA Gent?)

Happy New Year sugars!

@ Nico ~ and I don’t very often use the @ sign! But I must gived you a “here here” for your comment! Reality TV is not real. It is a perversion and the very name makes it so. The fact that society accepts it first as entertainment is the slippery slope that leads to the belief that whatever it portreys is reality! There was nothing real about the way this case was handled. The judge used no principles of legality or justice. She had an agenda and it was narrow! There was no judicial reality to her decision. As an attorney, I would say that the only real legal question that is relevant in the sugar world would be that of weather a contract is formed when an arrangement is made. I just don’t think that the judicial system is ready to address that issue. But, for sure, it can’t be decided by reality tv!

NewYorkGirlsays:

To Stormcat.
Spitting on fingers… Gross, not classy. This is my opinion. I have never done it in my life.

If the guy is your BF, or SD (for sometime already) why don’t make him wet, very wet so it does not hurt you (if you r still dry).
If it is a new guy, u do not know him well, or you do not like him ….enough… handle him the
lube, he would enjoy applying it, right?
Plus now days there are a lot of lubes which add some special sensations , why do not try something new and fun for your self.

NewEnglandbabysays:

What are your New Year’s Resolution for 2012?
Nothing to specific. Figure out my life and what I want to do career wise. Sugary related, i want to travel more with my SD, out of the states, a trip to Paris wouldn’t hurt =)

What do you think of the Swift Justice case? Do you think Judge Julie Glass made the right decision?
I defined the whole thing as pure entertainment. As soon as I saw the clip, I sent it to my SD and we had a good laugh about it.

Have you been in a Sugar Dispute?
My SD and I have had many disputes, but it’s a good thing to keep cool, be straightforward, and have an upfront adult conversation about whatever the issue you’re disagreeing upon.

What advice would you give to fellow Sugars on how they should deal with their Sugar Disagreements?
Like everyone else have said COMMUNICATION is key in any type of relationship. If you can’t communicate with each other you’re doomed to fail, especially in this kind of relationship. Don’t point fingers, don’t put all the blame on him/her, approach any discussion in a positive way, acknowledge your wrongs and rights and everything should come together.

ContentSBsays:

@Stormcat — I don’t think you offended anyone; everyone has moments of frustration. I really hope you find what you’re looking for

@cms1113 — On the right hand side there’s a link to a blog post titled “Travel Guidelines for SBs.’ That should help a little bit. Personally I’m not comfortable traveling to a SD for a first time meeting. I’ve heard too many horror stories about people being stood up, having no connection, etc. My current SD is a long-distance one and he was very understanding about my hesitation toward traveling, so he came to me for our first two weekend get togethers. Next trip it’s my turn to do the traveling, but you can be sure at least two friends from home will know where I’m going and I’m going to try and find another SB as a contact person in his city just in case

Nicosays:

Guru ~ I personally do not have any expectations of how reality television portrays stories. My opinion on that subject is non existent since I do not watch them, talk shows or games shows etc. I’m enough of a realist to know there is a lot of editing; however, there is the rest of society that finds that ‘stuff’ entertaining and eventually the lines between reality and reality tv begin to blur. For those that have never had reason to step into a courtroom it might make them think that’s how it really happened.

It’s just sad, really. The girls should’ve been held responsible for their wrongdoings (they admitted to it) and the SD should’ve been held responsible for his contributions (alcohol and drugs). Honestly, there were no lessons learned at all. A very sad representation of our legal system.

Bsays:

i think it’s so important for babies to support each other, i saved myself a lot of mistakes by reading various blogs and forums. i realize this is competitive, but we’re all here looking for different things. There is so much i want to say to sugars out there. Be confident, care about your appearance, be smart. That being said things have slowed down substantially for me and another baby i’m very good friends with. is anyone else having this issue? is this typical during the holiday season?

I think most of the sugar daddies on this site could be fake.

cms1113says:

Hey everyone! I’ve been reading and never commenting. This is completely off topic but i have a question. I met this guy (well 2) both seem decent. The one is thinking we could see each other like once a week and he’d give an allowance of $1000 plus taking me out. If he only wants to see me once a week and not even every week, should i accept that? I dont want to sell myself short but my monthly bills are right at $2000/mo and if im seeing the other guy who’s also giving me at least $1000 i’d be getting the bills paid.

The other (which i really like!) lives kinda far so we’d only get to see each other like once a month for 2-3 days (long weekends). My question is if he gives me the money to book my flight to and from where he’s at and books the hotel, i tell someone exactly where i’m going and how long i should be there, do you think its ok to fly to him?

Classy.Milfsays:

What are your New Year’s Resolution for 2012?
I don’t make resolutions for NYE. I live everyday as anew filled with opportunity, thus my being on SA !
What do you think of the Swift Justice case? Do you think Judge Julie Glass made the right decision?
I really despise these shows and never watch them. I will say thank you to Brandon for posting “What a SD/SB is NOT”. It does begs the question, does this raise concerns as to the upcoming UK production of the SA reality show?
Have you been in a Sugar Dispute?
I have not been a SB yet. Assuming things will end; as in any previous relationship from my past; reason, respect, reality and resolve were my best approach. It is hard enough to end something so personal but the long term benefits to doing it amicably are priceless, not to mention the respect & appreciation that comes from doing it so well.
What advice would you give to fellow Sugars on how they should deal with their Sugar Disagreements?
Calm informative honesty. Be honest about your feelings and deal with them on your own first. Gather your facts from both sides! Ask the hard questions then contemplate what you have learned separately … respect the other persons feelings. Revisit it together. Admit your mistakes and apologize. Learn from the experience. Accept the course that presents itself with dignity.
As a side note … lube is awesome! Not to mention a necessity when using condoms to reduce the risk of breaking. Now if I can learn to get those things on with my mouth …. 😉
Feel the love sugars !! and Happy New Year XOXOXO

DorkyGuysays:

Babycakes, tossing the F word at Stormy? whoah… That is like swearing at the pope.

I have never heard the guy use a swear word, even in private conversation. If he were a chick, I would say he’s a “sweetheart”. He engenders boatloads of respect. He is just not somebody that one expects people to swear at.

Trust Stormy though to reply with class and grace, despite the disrespectful callout.

Content, Nico ~ Thanks for the sweet encouragement of your comments. Yes I have tried non-sugar dating sites with some success. And I haven’t sugar dated for a long time. I stay here on the blog because I really like the people here. I try to keep my coments about love to a minimum but sometimes they just pop out. I suppose I’ll always be in a termoil as long as I remain in my current relationship. I just hope I don’t offend anybody.
Happy New Year

Well thank all for the astute comments about lubrication. Really did you think I didn’t know what the saliva was for.

BalletGirlsays:

Mile High Flyersays:

The whole video clip of the case was sickening. The guy was pissed because of an extra expense at Ihop? Giving very young girls drugs? Then two girls who acted immature well go figure 19 and 20. While I realize many girls have maturity at that age, not all.
@ Babycakes: as a guy I would never have a problem with hold on while I grab that big ass tube of lube! Might even be a playful fun Moment to laugh together!
Learning to communicate is more key than I ever realized. Fortunately I’m with someone who is a good at communication. Doesn’t mean we don’t screw up and miss on occasion though.

Babycakessays:

BalletGirlsays:

Woah I come back to name calling and cussing. Where’s the love? A lot of the time why men don’t know the female body is because we don’t take the time to explain, and just get mad when they assume. I know I wouldn’t ask if I was gonna get told to calm the fuck down, and then talked about like I couldn’t ya know…read the blog :-/.

Stormy– I agree with Nico, Every woman is different, we’re not like what you see in a Porno. The idea that if a girl likes you she’ll be dripping is pretty off kilter. I personally don’t generally need lube if the foreplay is good ;). But on that note, if it’s not… You get my drift. Some need that extra and some don’t, it really depends on the girl, her structure, and the situation. I wouldn’t take it so personally.

Chrislatina– Welcome, we can be new to the scene together. My biggest tip is screeennnn. Relentlessly. Creeps only get in your life if you open the door ;).

Men know surprisingly little abt women..but its also our fault for not letting them know what we lik and don’t like…I’m new to the SB scene.any tips? I don’t need any creep in my life

Babycakessays:

Sadly Stormcat knows nothing about how a females body works. A girl with a sloppy wet vagina on the outside would have an infection so its leaking. Otherwise, a vagina will be dry on the outside. Going in dry would pull the lips and could make the girl hurt real bad later ! Very shocked at how little some men know.

jennie vsays:

First. Can they all be kicked off of this site please. He’s obviously too cheep to pay a $27 tab at IHOP. As far as the girls are concerned, there are other ways to deal with your anger then keying a car. All three of them seem like the white trash of the site. I know I don’t want to be associated with that kind of behaviour. It gives all of the good sb’s and sd’s a bad name.

As for the judge, ive never liked her anyways. She seems to talk down to just about everyone. She also has the most annoying voice ive ever heard in my whole entire life. Her opinion wasn’t biased in any way. It seemed like her only intrest was making S/A look bad. I would have rather seen this case be taken by Judge Judy or Joe Brown. At least then, it would have been judged more fairly.

Ive learned one thing over the years. When the sugar starts to sour, get out while you are ahead. Say the sweetest most sincere goodbye and move on with your life.Itll save you time , money and restraining orders!

Just saw the video clip. It’s full of drama and very entertaining which served its purpose, so it’s not necessary to make it more than what it is. The only sane person in the show was Brandon and the only thing I agreed with the judge is when she said “all 3 of you should be ashamed of yourself” ❗
I’ll write a review in my blog later.

@NicoSo much for any form of journalism bringing the truth to the public.

See my comment above. You honestly expected a reality show to do that??

@StormcatWhere is my dedicted one and only?… And the pendulum swings!

Sorry to hear that the pendulum has swung and your roller coaster ride continues. But weren’t you the one that wanted to make a toast to discomfrot a month ago? If you want your dedicated one and only, I think there are better websites for that than SA.

@Lana

I’m sorry to hear about your experience with the joke daddy. Remember, guys like that will waste your time only if you let them. Block, delete, ignore, and move on.

@Ken

I’m sorry to hear about your experience with the no show SB and out $200. Unfortunately your experience is not new nor unique. Remember, trust is built over time and you should not put yourself in a situation where you can be taken advantage of. Take it as a lesson learned and screen relentlessly.

———————

The blog has been extra busy during the holidays but unfortunately it seems that people are mostly having negative experiences. Perhaps everyone should resolve to learn from their negative experiences and have better sugar experiences in the new year!

Nicosays:

WELCOME all the Newbies too!!!!! Welcome to the BLOG!!

Nicosays:

Stormy ~ I agree with Babycakes on the finger wetting thing *lube* is a must!! I know you’ve gone circles and circles with this girl and I’m sorry you’re going through this again. If I could; however, caution, that making generalizations is likely to hurt some feelings 😉 There are exceptions to every rule.

Having said that my sugar brother…many hugs to you and hope your 2012 is a blessed one. I know you’ve been on the quest for love for sometime and I know you deserve it! <3

Nicosays:

I will go back and read everybody’s comments later – had to get this out because it made me physically ill to watch it. She had her mind made up before the litigants even began talking. The disdain in her voice as she addressed the SD and the holier than though attitude with the SBs (initially wrote kids…Freudian perhaps). The ONLY thing that made that case “REAL” was the fact it was filed in small claims. Honestly, not that it would be worth it, but he could EASILY take that case to a county level and have the ruling overturned!

Hopefully; however, he’ll be a little less smarmy should he continue this ‘lifestyle’ and the girls have been scared away.

Truthfully, the entire clip made me physically ill and I had to fast forward to see Brandon’s attempt to bring some reality back to the show. Somebody said that’s why they don’t like Reality TV…I would have to agree 100%. So much for any form of journalism bringing the truth to the public. It’s all jaded and prefer to keep this ‘lifestyle’ underground so it can be respected by the few who know how it all works.

She was brought into the case to judge the case based on its merits and not provide her judgmental close minded opinions. That would’ve never been permitted in any courtroom I’ve worked in….a true disgrace!

*putting soap box away now*

ContentSBsays:

@Stormcat — I understand what you’re saying. I think the things you said highlight the fleeting nature of these types of relationships. In most cases there are just too many differences (physical, emotional, intellectual, etc) for the type of passionate/unending/deep love you described to exist. In my opinion, for what it’s worth, the most healthy SD/SB relationships are the ones based on mutual respect, not crazy irrational love. Have you thought about dating outside of the sugar bowl? Oh, and how did your SB like her Christmas gift??

Stormcat, Spitting on fingers is very normal in fact because a girls lips on the outside are dry and it can hurt ! You need to call the fu%ck down !

You guys have no clue! I work in a place where I have to travel for many miles to serve my clients. Old people and young people. All in trouble. I work with an old man in his mid 70s who is taking care of his true love who is just turning 80. She is nearly blind and suffers from extreme memory loss. She is so abrasive to him that anyone else would simply walk out! But he loves her now for 30 years and cares for her every need. He will not leave her alone for fear that she will mistakenly do something like burn the house down or poisen herself accidently. It is a love like I have never seen before! No marriage. No legal compellation! Just love!
It makes me rethink everything. Do you 40 and 50 YO guys actually think that a drop dead gorgeous 20/30 something YO woman is actually in love with you. Do you 20/30 YO something women actually think you are intellectually interesting/equal! I mean I have been an SD for 7 SBs but only conncted with one SB to the level that I became sexually intimate. And I thought that there was true love. But when she spits on her finger and applies it just before intercourse It is not hard to figure out that she is not truned on by me! Maybe she loves me but not for the reasons that I need. Where is my dedicted one and only? The woman who can’t control herself when she is with me? I don’t need to be used.
And the pendulum swings!

Considering the alcohol and potential drugs involved in this case I have to say I am concerned for the younger women who maybe expeciencing similar situations. It certianly does not allow for violence, however when an older man desires to be with women that substantially younger than himself some immature behavior might happen.
The judge was completely out of line in saying that the girls needed to work on their self esteem and go to school thus implying that the sb’s on the site are ignorant prostitutes. Many of the girls, myself included, on this site are college students looking for mentors to help us navigate life and success. Some of us dont have great home circumstances and no one took time to teach us how to be successful and these ‘daddies’ as it were are perhaps called daddies for that very reason. Someone to care for, provide, and guide, why is that wrong?

Thanks for your comments. The no shows really frustrate me but I have met some great people on this site. I guess it is no different than the real world. There are deceivers and liars in every walk of life. I am glad I was raised to be honest and courteous to everyone.

Neil Elliottsays:

The judge was such an idiot I couldn’t watch it for long. She didn’t seem to understand anything about her job. She lectured on sexual and social behavior that wasn’t her business or part of the case. She was more like an actress pretending to be a judge.

Betty Bluesays:

@Ken — Sorry to hear that. It would be great if we could get rid of flakes on both sides trust me . Ive taken days off work ( therefore loosing money) to make plans to see someone , only to have them cancel the date the day before , or just no show . Ive NEVER flaked when someone has planned a first date with me , especially if a flight was involved . To me its just common courtesey, and its the way I want to be treated in return. However I have once even flown somewhere, got to the airport , and then had the SD not answer his phone and completley stand me up. That was fun .

Ken Griffinsays:

I recently had the situation that I sent $200 by moneygram to a SB for travel expense to meet me in a midwest city the week after Christmas. I did this in good faith but the result was that the SB was a no show and did not even have the courtesy to inform me she was not coming. I reported the incident to support staff as well as copy of moneygram showing I had sent the money. The SB was deleted for a few days but was reinstated recently. No explanation was given to me for the reinstatement nor have I been refunded the money by the ACTIVE SB. Should unethical behavior be accepted on this website by active members. If so, we are saying it is ok for members to deceive other members. The facts are clear in this case. Proof of money being sent to active SB has been provided to support staff as requested yet this SB has been REINSTATED. What does this action communicate to me as a paying member and to an unethical reinstated FREE member? I have also had many SB no shows. Whom am I to believe when seeking an arrangement with a SB member? Any comments would be welcomed.

@Betty Blue — I’m sorry your pot SD has been difficult…if only everyone were genuine this would be so much easier! It sounds like you’re onto his intentions though. Might be time to find a new one

@Smallfish — What a strange encounter. It sounds like she’s been burned a few times and has some pretty thick walls up.

WCSDsays:

Stormcat – The issue with that type of show is that 1) people watch it…whether it is a real representation of the judicial process or not, 2) the people on it volunteer to do it (because they want their 15 minutes of fame). Think of those horrible K sisters…no one believes that this is their real life, but millions watch it. TV has always been something for ‘entertainment’ purposes, and anyone believing differently when watching or participating in a ‘show’ of any kind, it truly a fool.

As for New Year’s resolutions…well I do need to lose the Holiday 10 I’ve added, but that is the same every year. Other than that, just continue to live a decent life, and always to have fun!

Betty Bluesays:

@Smallfish — thats why I dont give out my number until Ive had a couple decent emails and get a really good feel for the person . I hate the feeling of people like that ( who call people a$$holes theyve never met ) having my phone number .And moreso , if it doesnt work out , weirdos calling me nonstop after I tell them Im not interested .

Smallfishsays:

Well, I recently had the joy of someone calling me a A$$hole and blocking me….so it goes both ways. All I asked was please txt first and she called “Hey its #### from SA” my reply was “Hey, so you called instead of txting me” …her reply ” Well yeah I just told you I don’t have txt………. you know what on second thought you sound like a A$$hole….click”

Betty Bluesays:

@ContentSB — I actually did that . and funny thing is — one pot SD who i talked to months ago I started atalking to again ( he has the whole no endless emails , lets meet in his profile) . And we never met months ago because he dropped off the face of the earth . He says he really wants to meet me , but now again is having issues with a date . I even offered to travel where he lived , but he doesnt seem interested in that . So its starting to sound like he just wants a one time business trip fling .

Well I really hate “court tv”. I have a very low opinion of the egotistic hypocrits who call themself judges on those shows. They do no honer to the justice system and they do not represent real judicial process. It is a sensationalized sham in every sense and I wish that type of show was banned.

ContentSBsays:

@Krissie & Betty Blue — I don’t know if this would help, but maybe just focus on the SDs who say something like “not looking for endless emails” in their profiles. I typically use the guideline that SDs in your area have up to a week to set a date, and those who are long-distance have up to a month to make plans to see you. Any longer and they’re probably just playing games/being a picture collector. Good luck!

Oh , and in addition — they all loved the pics , normally asking for more . so them being attracted to me wasnt the issue in not setting up a date .

Betty Bluesays:

@Lana– thats really horrilble , did you block him ? Alot of these fakes dont handle rejection well. If he was a real SD ( with all his ” model” prospects ) he wouldnt care if you turned him down, hed simply move on . I have noticed a definate change in the caliber of pot SDs on the site from a few years ago . I do think alot of the craigslist creepers moved over here to this site and its our job now to weed them out .

Okay so my turn to vent —

why is it that pot SDs are so into chatting , emailing, exchanging pics , texting , etc . But when it comes time to actually nail down a date for a first meeting — all of a sudden they are super busy, dont know their schedule , etc etc . Any tips for weeding out the pic collectors or guys who just want a cyber-relationship? Im here to actually meet someone face to face , not just talk about it . If I even try to have a conversation or ask questions before I send pics , the pot SD wont even respond to them and instead just asks for the pics again . whats the best way to handle that ? ( having pics isnt the problem , I have 100s , but I just dont feel like everyone is entitled to a photo album as the first conversation )

Granting that the case is real then, I don’t get what the SD thought he would gain by going on national TV… Did he have visions of potential SBs seeing him on TV (suing his SBs) and flocking to his door?

He had to have some idea what the two SBs would say… that he’s cheap and pushed drugs on them. I bet he has girls knocking at his door now for his iHop pancakes. What an idiot.

Maybe passing an IQ test could be required for site membership? 😀 Just a thought.

Still, I am glad Brandon did the show, for some balance. I can’t imagine having the only representation for SA being those three.

Krissiesays:

I have been on here for a couple of months now and have not had much luck finding a good SD. I didn’t even bother watching the show because what it portrays is not how I see a SD/SB relationship. It seems like most SD’s that want to talk to me only have one thing in mind and talking isn’t it. I am looking for advice to make my situation lean a little more my way. I am not a prostitute, but for some reason (like the show) all of the SDs that talk to me seem to think that’s the reason we are here. I am married and am honest about it. My marriage lacks a lot and so does my financial situation…hence, why I am here. Any advice will be appreciated, as I have yet to personally meet anyone because they tend to forget what a gentlemen is and if they do discuss a meeting, they make it all too clear that they will get more out of it then I will. I know there are successful SB’s on here. Where am I going wrong???

In case some of you still think this was staged, it is actually a real case. The sugar daddy actually filed the case in small claims court, but was then approached by the producers who originally wanted to have it on Judge Judy. In hindsight, the sugar daddy should have just gone ahead with his case in an actual civil court.

That said, there was a lot of editing that the producers did. A lot of what I told the Judge was actually cut out. But that is just TV, I’m already used to that.

K.says:

They stage everything nowadays… what is a reality show..? lol .. I don’t even know why Brandon agreed to this.. I know that even a bad publicity is a publicity.. but sometimes you just have to know when to say” no thank you ” to shows like that or maybe he had no choice?

Noirsays:

True but as in alot of reality television certain aspects of the show are staged to bring more controvery.

There is a late-night judge show called “Eye for an Eye” that airs here in Texas that I discovered was completely staged. The judge had issued a child custody “ruling” that was outrageous, so I looked into whether the cases were “real” or not.

I agree with BalletGirl… if it was fake, then it was definitely a hit piece on SA, and Brandon may have recourse.

Lanasays:

Somewhat off topic, but certainly sugar gone sour… I’ve recently had the misfortune of getting breakfast with a SD that claimed to be a gentleman, but when faced with rejection, he sent me several long, insulting and harassing emails. I responded after the 3rd attempt to belittle and guilt me into submission. This creeper really thought by telling me I’m a zero on a scale of 1-10, that my small breasts and lack of height is something most men find unappealing but he’d be willing to make it work, upping his pathetic offer of $100 to $150 to make a sticky chocolate mess out of me, boasting about all the many model quality women that have been so lucky to recieve his praise (he even thinks that they should pay him he’s such a godly lover), that I’d put all my standards aside and come begging for his acceptance. After this bothersome occurrence I updated my profile along with my expected allowance from negotiable to $3000-$5000 in the hopes of weeding out these CraigsList cheapsters. Sorry, but SA is not for people looking to spend a hundred bucks to lick whip cream off some unsuspecting girls ass. Upon seeing my updated profile he felt the need to email me again, stating that me ever receiving a $5000 allowance was as likely as him winning the lottery. He also proceeded to tell me what a horrible and inconsiderate person I was for ignoring him, that he’s still willingly to forgive me, but only after a marathon of sex. I could not of been any more clear with this guy, NOT INTERESTED, NEVER GOING TO BE INTERESTED. Just because SD’s are offering us SB’s compensation for our beautiful smiling faces, does NOT mean we’re not allowed to have standards. This guy could wave a million dollars in my face at this point and I would still say capital N, capital O. We’re not prostitutes, we’re not escorts, we are hard working women that like to enjoy life. Perhaps some girls are naive, sad or broke enough that these sorts of insulting advances work for him sometimes, but not I and hopefully not anyone of you who have now been warned. Just say no to ‘Gentleman Joe’.

BalletGirlsays:

I’m sure they do stage some of them, but if it was staged isn’t that technically slander since they claim the plaintiff and defendants are members of SA rather blatantly, and brought it up multiple times?

It’s entirely possible that the whole thing was staged with paid actors, just because the judge decided that sugar dating was her “issue of the day”

BalletGirlsays:

Much like EnglishRose I’m kinda loathe to set New Year’s resolutions lol. They never do get done. If I were to set any though I’d want to get back in shape. After quitting ballet a few months ago I have a wee bit of pudge cropping up. Also trying to save up enough money to pay for my tuition next month (hence quitting ballet). And of course looking for a stable, fun filled sugar relationship ;).

As for the clip… Shameful. By the judge, the girls and the so called SD. The judge really grated on my nerves when she started into her rant on Brandon. The vast majority of babies, at least serious babies, are not uneducated immature little girls. I personally work a full time job, live 1500 miles away from my family on my own, and go to school full time– holding down a 3.87 GPA in University. If that’s not independent I don’t know what is, and the fact that this judge is lumping all babies into this needy, immature, unsuccessful-without-a-man category really got under my skin. Lucky her that she had someone to pay for Law School, if she’s so into empowering women with an education why doesn’t she give out a grant every year with the money she’s no doubt making off that TV show? Not to mention not even letting Brandon talk! From what I’ve seen in interviews he doesn’t agree with keeping women down either!

Brandon if this is what you have to deal with most of the time, I am SO sorry.

As for disputes… COMMUNICATE. I can’t say it enough. I’ve seen people posting that they think it’s over, he or she is doing something they can’t condone..only to talk it out and have it not be such a big deal at all. If nothing else try to part on good terms, like in any relationship fighting to the bitter end and carrying hatred is never a good thing. This is supposed to be no drama.

Betty Bluesays:

WOOOOOOOOOOW , That clip of the show was horrible ! The SD was a cheap , pathetic , fake . and the SBs were extremely immature . It made both sides look like crap . However on shows like this , Dr Phil, the Today show, they only show the worst and show the extremes to make good television . Sure these people do exist exist on the site , but Im hoping its a minority , and Im hoping all 3 of those people were kicked off the site , becasue its people like that , that give this site the bad rep. Ugh.

EnglishRosesays:

My New Years Resolution….
I tend not to set them. Maybe I’m superstitious but I always find that if I have a ‘New Year’s Resolution’ it never gets accomplished!
I know there are lots of things I hope to do though. Save up enough money to go backpacking round the world in 2013 (sadly no help from SD’s at this moment, just lot’s of waitressing and bending over backwards to get meagre tips)
Finding a great sugar relationship is always a goal! And just generally keeping fit & healthy and learning new things! Starting pilates & seeing a vocal coach to help further my musical career.
Yada yada yada. Let’s see how it all turns out!

What I think of the Swift Justice case…
Atrocious. I honestly could not believe it. And to be honest, I was more appaled at the Judges behaviour then the so-called SD & SB’s. She was bias, rude, & unprofessional. I’m so glad they don’t allow this kind of ‘justice’ in England. Both the SD’s & SB’s shamed themselves, the SD came across stingy & at times inappropriate & the SB’s were extremely immature and just… embarrassing.
And I feel sorry for Brandon! Though I’m sure he’s used to having to put up with all kind of things in his line of work.
It’s things like this which makes me more and more cautious about letting people know about my sugar lifestyle. It’s not just about understanding, but respect, and so few people seem to have that these days.

As to advice to fellow Sugar’s on disagreements…
…For God’s sake don’t key anyone’s car. We’re not in a highschool rom com. Honestly, I think if it gets to the stage where you’re having serious disagreements with your SB/SD then it’s time to call it a day. Just cut your losses, don’t waste your time arguing or feeling bitter, get back out there & find yourself some sweeter Sugar!
I think people need to let things go more, and just relax a little! If it’s a small disagreement, just be honest and open with your sugar, explain how -you- feel, and listen to their reaction. Then decide if there’s an easy solution or not. But please, don’t let it become this huge obstacle.
Comminucate. Deliberate. Action. And then leave it at that.

Arrangements. No Drama remember?

Just my 2 cents 😉

Babycakessays:

Toni, My skin dr who gives me facials turned into my gift sd, We do not have anything sexual yet but he gives me tons of free beauty treatments and product stuff. He just offers it up at no charge. I just give him a hug . I think he is shy and afraid. Funny thing is he sees me no makeup and tells me how beautiful I am !

Those who do freestyling for pots (looking excluding websites), how do you get him to understand that you want the SB relationship and not regular dating

Laynasays:

What are your New Year’s Resolution for 2012?
I dont do new years resolutions I do resolutions throughout the whole year, i want to continue to work out eat healthy get tanned look fabulous find a daddy

What do you think of the Swift Justice case? Do you think Judge Julie Glass made the right decision?
The whole thing was a farce, the daddy never should have bothered suing them with them being underage and admitting drinking.. Those two admitted to vandalizing the car so I couldn’t believe she let him go at that knowing that this girl screamed rape, finds the whole thing hilarious and obviously vandalized the car. She let her own feelings come in-between justice and brought Brandon on so she could scream at him until the audience clapped. How about having a mature intelligent conversation? Obviously she wasnt capable of that so she shooed him off as fast as she could. Coward.

Have you been in a Sugar Dispute?
Yes, basically it comes down to men wanting one thing and thinking I shouldn’t get one thing. The contact just ends.

What advice would you give to fellow Sugars on how they should deal with their Sugar Disagreements?
I think you gave good advice. We should, as adults, always calm down and try to work things out. If the person is totally irrational and wrong just make peace until you can get your things back or settle the situation and cut contact slowly or immediately. Otherwise, deal with the consequences.

Samanthasays:

Dang! That doesn’t leave much hope for me, I was hoping that if I learned a second language I would get a good career but I haven’t started the program yet.

Those sugars on there were barely legal so I don’t think they set a good example for the rest of us. But Brandon and his sugars need to have better communication without drugs or alcohol being involved.

Laynasays:

Oh My God!
I could not believe she screamed at Brandon and didn’t let him say anything back. Little does she know he feels the same about woman empowerment and I’m glad she had parents to pay for her schooling and somehow ended up on tv by her own merit. It’s a hard world out there for women look at Nancy Grace she had to fight hard to be in her position and was voted out by the men that were jealous of her position but if you are struggling to eat and go to school what’s wrong with accepting a little help. Of course the sugar’s on the show made everyone look bad but she had no right bringing her bible belt feelings into the trial! Don’t get me wrong, I put myself through university in a foreign country but after all that hard work am finding it very hard to get a decent job and seriously how long do I have to bust my ass for. It’s depressing.

Samanthasays:

Yea I’ve made that mistake once. But I know what to look for now

Babycakessays:

Rule number one, man should have class and always travel to the lady ! I refuse to see men again who want me to travel to them. First of all they could have a hidden camera set up ! I feel safer at my place and can control the situation.

Samanthasays:

What an asshole! I stopped seeing him a few months ago and another SB told me that he wanted to see her but he wanted her to drive from Tucson to Tempe. (which is pretty far)
I wouldn’t put up for that at all

Babycakessays:

Hes a cheap trick daddy is why samantha ! And yeas Dorky, many guys are very cheap these days. I once watched a guy snatch back a dollar three times at a strip club until the girl peeled out with her flintstone feet ! Then he threw the dollar on stage.

Samanthasays:

It is with me DorkyGuy. One SD would make me ride the bus 45 minutes to get to his house then he would lecture me why it took so long. Then I got $50…what I couldn’t understand was that he traveled the world and visited lots brothels and is very generous (that’s what he said) but I couldn’t get why I didn’t count.

Oh Content it just sounded like to me that you didn’t with them at all. Haha

I’m on the hunt for a pot SD that wants that relationship

ContentSBsays:

@Samantha — The basis of my relationship with my SD is friendship. I treated it like any relationship I would IRL, so intimacy developed naturally over time. He was actually helping me with bills before we even came close to sleeping together. The situation featured in the clip seems very pay for play. I know that works for some people, and more power to them, but that just wasn’t the type of arrangement I was looking for.

Babycakessays:

Samantha, I do not have sex with many of my sd’s ! I have with a few , only after a huge allowance is firmly in place. Otherwise sex right away is more of an escort thing and chances of you seeing a man again after first date sex is small.

Wow….both sides suck !

Samanthasays:

Wait, I’m confused Content…so you don’t have sex with your SD?

ContentSBsays:

Oh my goodness…I couldn’t even watch 5 minutes of that clip because of the disgusting behavior of BOTH the SD and SBs. Portrayals like that are exactly why the sugar bowl has a bad reputation. If that clip was my only exposure to sugar dating, I’d probably think of it as prostituting as well.

All personalities and perspectives are welcome in the blog, while personal attacks and name calling are not. It’s inevitable that there will be disagreements but let’s handle it as mature adults with class to keep the dialog constructive and respectful. Please refer to the “Blog Etiquette” for more details. For the newbies, please take a look at the “Sugar Daddy Dating Tips” section on the right for a list of commonly discussed topics and the “SD and SB Blog List” section to see the perspective of other sugars. Now comment away and let’s enjoy the blog!!

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