my thoughts on polyamory

I'm polyamorous; that has different meanings for different people, so I will define it for me. To me, polyamory is a philosophy that involves being open to more than one committed, sexual relationship. For me, it does not include casual sex, though it may include sex with deep friends who are not romantically involved with me (that is an aspect I am undecided on, for now).

So why would I want more than one partner? Partly, for balance -- I feel like (for ME) a two-person relationship is wobbly -- like if you had two pegs connected by a wire, they'd be pretty easily pushed over. But if you have three pegs, connected in a triangle, it's not as easy for them to fall. Because in a relationship of two, if one person is weakened, the other has much less support -- in a relationship of three, it is far more likely that there will be at least one person strong enough to support at any given time. But even though a triad would be my 'ideal' relationship shape, I'm open to a 'V,' where I have two partners who are not involved with each other (as long as they were open to attempting soulfriendship with each other). Or other configurations, of course.

Also, I've simply learned that I am able to give my whole heart to more than one person at a time, and that makes me feel stronger, more alive, more connected. I don't see any reason why sex should diminish that effect -- I would think that it would increase it.

However, this is all theoretical so far, since I haven't managed to find someone who is both interested in me and open to polyamory. But I'm still hoping, still looking!

I loved reading this. I found myself in a poly relationship by accident. I'm an arm in a V with a married couple. After reconnecting with an old friend, his wife and I hit it off right away, and things progressed from there. It's still very new to me, but I'm learning things every day. Lots and lots of openness and honesty, even when it's uncomfortable! I found out what real vulnerability is! Since all my other relationships have been mono, it was diffucult for me to understand how I would fit into this dynamic... and it's something I'm still working on. But I think the real key is un-learning the things that society has conditioned us to believe about love, and re-learning new things through our own experiences. I agree with you... it's entirely possible for a person to love two people completely at the same time. Who knew?! Blew my mind right open.

I am also poly, the point in a V -- I have been with my best friend (male) for 15 plus years, (common law) I do not screw around, or cheat, or even open mouth kiss without a commitment... SO, I have not exchanged body fluids with a female since I was a teen. Got close a year or so back, then right before, she decided -- I was too open and honest and then added two women being together was an abomination to God. WHEW!!! ... I was to the point of asking her to move to life with me, and THANK GOD!!! ... she showed her true colors before I did. I co-own land, a farm where I an provide the basic needs of life, (food and shelter) ... maybe someone will know someone who wants a life in the country. I just noticed the 'attach files' at the bottom and I uploaded a picture, MAYBE, it worked? here goes--- Me and my cordless circular saw (480x640).jpg152.69K1 downloads

I really like your description of polyamorous; it definitely makes sense! I never understood why people have to "limit" themselves when in a relationship. My husband knows that I am totally committed to him and no other man will take me away from him. However, there is something to be said about the relationship between two women that is different from what I've had with any male. There's that sense of sisterhood and higher level of understanding that can only be felt between females. Ultimately we would like a triangular relationship with "our" girlfriend (since we both have so much to offer), but a "V" is more accepted and realistic. I know there is someone out there for everyone; we hope to meet ours soon

poly is such a massive can of worms. it takes guts and total commitment to self interrogation and honesty with yourself and prospective/current connections. i have found it extremely challenging but that has more to do with there being a lack of honesty and broken trust in my current relationship. without a transparent agreement and mutual understanding and very defined and respected boundaries and politics of gentleness and clear understanding of one's commitment to another it can be a total shit fight. i have seen many poly relationships, mine included, self destruct from the lack of the above points. it doesn't mean i am giving poly the flick, i cannot be sexually monogamous, i am just looking forward to engaging in a poly connection with equity and respect.