Trump Offers to ‘Take All the Mexicans Out to Taco Bell’ to Make Up for Taco Bowl Post

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — A day after his Cinco de Mayo inspired Facebook post about a “taco bowl” he was enjoying caused a deluge of mocking and sarcasm across social media, Donald J. Trump issued a statement of apology and offered “some of the best atonement you’ll ever, ever get” to America’s Hispanic and Latino populations.

Trump was blasted on social media for the following status he posted to his official Facebook page:

This morning, Mr. Trump announced via an email blast to several media outlets that he was “sorry in a really friggin’ big way” for “implying that taco bowls were in anyway authentic to the Hispanic culture.” As a means to make up for this slight, Trump offered to “bring all the Mexicans [he] upset to their favoritist, most treasured dining establishment.”

“People of Mexico living here in the U.S.,” Trump’s email said, “your next president understands your concerns. He gets that you don’t want to be shown a picture of a giant, orange face stuffing down some God awful concoction that looks nothing like the food of your homeland. So if you are anyone you know is Mexican (or any of the other kinds that look like Mexicans), please send an email to my campaign, with the subject line ‘I am a Mexican (or one that looks like a Mexican)’ and I will send you a gift certificate to Taco Bell, which I know will make you all feel right at home.”

Trump’s email recommended both the Nachos Bel Grande and the chicken chalupa supreme, though he said that “Taco Bell has any number of truly authentic, truly tasty Mexican dishes to choose from.” Mr. Trump also reassured anyone who signed up for the free Taco Bell there were no strings attached.

“Sure, we’ll have a registry of Mexicans (and people who look Mexican),” the letter states, “but trust us. You know you can trust us. We’ve got like, the biggest amount of trust with the Mexicans of anyone. We love Mexicans. We’re most definitely not going to use this newly minted registry of Mexicans (and Mexican-ish people) to do some kind of mass deportation. Honest Injun.”

Trump would later offer to take “all the Indians” to the casino of their choice, where he would “smokem the peace pipe” with them to make up for using the phrase “Honest Injun.”

“The bottom line is that Mr. Trump is devastated that his magnanimous showing of support for traditional Mexican Taco Bowls has been met with such disdain, and while he would rather punish everyone for their crimes against his ego, he is wiling to forego that option and instead send everyone a gift certificate to Taco Bell. See you at the polls, amigos! Ay-ay-ay! Ariba! Ariba! Yip-a! Yip-A!”

Hours later Trump apologized for quoting Speedy Gonzalez to close out his letter.