eat, move, think, feel

Until January of 2009, I kept a very regular blog, for almost five years, over at ReadingWritingLiving. I saw myself primarily as a writer, a writing teacher, an editor, a mom, someone involved in the world of adoption and books. But when I was diagnosed with pre-diabetes, I went underground and began this blog, at first very much in secret (and shame). Gradually I have come into the light, and as I became more and more immersed and focused on my health, on food and losing weight (and maintaining that loss) and fitness, all the other parts of my life sat on the back burner.

I recently realized that I miss my writing life. A lot. As well as other aspects of my life that have been patiently waiting around while I got healthy. And I think I would really like to give more attention to those things. Not everything is always necessarily seen through the lens of food, fitness etc.

It is a bit of a risk, a bit of a leap of faith – to hope and believe that if I do not spend AS MUCH time thinking and focusing on food, weight, fitness etc., that I will not take a big backslide. This blog, and this community has given me SO MUCH – my very health and life! and running, and performing, and friendship and so much. But it has also taken away from many things in my life.

I want to try, to see if I can do it. Starting this week, I have decided that I am going to alternate blog posts. For every post that I write here, I will write another post (about a completely different Something) over there. I want to get more balance back in my life, and I think I finally feel secure enough that I can stop gripping the wheel so tightly.

And hey Foodie McBody readers and friends, guess what? There’s more to me than just what you see here. Come on over and check it out.

I’m thrilled that Terre Pruitt, awesome Nia teacher, has agreed to guest-post for me this week!

So what is YOUR goal? I had a goal, I met it but I wanted more. Then I kept aging and my “additional goal” kept slipping further away. See my original goal was to get/stay/be healthy. Then I decided I wanted to look like a super model. Yeah, I know. You don’t even have to know me or see me to know that is ridiculous. Number one, who really wants to be THAT thin? And I will never be that tall. And really, honestly, right? “C’uz that’s what we do here on Foodie McBody’s blog — is be honest, most people can’t achieve that state of thin. It is a certain body type that can be a supermodel. I am NOT that type. I am of the shorter stockier version. I started on my “health” kick rather late in life too. I mean, certainly not too late to be healthy and fit . . . . never to late for that . . . but too late to not have gotten the sag here and the stretch mark there, ya know? No swim suit runway modeling in my future.

My model goal kind of got me off track. I started just giving up a bit because I know I could never be like that so why bother, right? Wrong. I think they work really hard at being that thin. I don’t think that most people are supposed to be as thin as our models and celebrities so they have to work really hard. It is hard work. I want to enjoy my life and I CAN by eating sensibly, exercising, and being healthy. Health is so important.

I once knew a woman who said to me one day as we saw someone scootering by, “That’s my goal. I wanna scooter.” What? Huh? Uh . . . My goal–really, my goal when I started this was to get healthy to stave off having to medicate. At the time I started working out and eating better, I knew too many people that were going on the hypertension drugs. I don’t like to take medication. Then on top of the medication they had side effects. See, to me the less you have to take the less side effects you have. So my goal is to stay off the meds and out of the scooter as long as possible.

Recently I got off balance (heartburn) but all my other tests came out good. Average. I think there is room for improvement, but I am basically healthy. High five! That is such an important thing. Often time when getting healthy or staying healthy is the goal some of the others things follow suit. Some of the other goals might be losing weight, having more energy, feeling better. It is amazing. I need to remember that my true goal is being healthy and concentrate on that more and not let the other stuff get in my way. So what is YOUR goal? What are you doing to achieve it? Are you keeping on track and not getting side tracked like I did? Health is one of our greatest assets.

Terre Pruitt is a Nia Teacher and a certified personal trainer. When not teaching Nia she is sharing her passion for it on her blog and her website. She “met” Foodie on Twitter, so she can be found there too@HelpYouWell

I’m really happy to introduce my blog friends to Paolo, who is one of the youngest and most energetic members of my solo performance community. His show is amazing, and in many ways strangely echoes my own, even though I’m like old enough to be his grandma (okay, maybe his mama). He’s also a fitness blogger and I am excited for you all to get to know him. Take it away, Paolo!!

————————–

June 2009: 220 lbs

I’m slightly obsessed with time travel mechanics, and recently I’ve been thinking about what I’d like to do if I had access to a time displacement machine. I’d go back ten years to when I was a freshman in high school. Specifically, high school boys PE class.

On good days we’d have open gym (which was code word for talking about DSL connection speeds in the weight room with the other nerdy kids). On bad days we had organized sports (sometimes with the girls PE class – score?). But before that knowing what we’d be doing for the day, we’d run the mile. And by mile, we were running around the block four times. I used to huff, puff, wheeze and sing Sex Pistols songs while trying to survive the mile. To which I was usually assailed with snide remarks about my lack of fitness.

So back to that time displacement machine. Upon reaching the desired temporal destination of ten years ago I would confront of smug a-holes with, “HEY! THIS IS PAOLO FROM TEN YEARS IN THE FUTURE AND YOU’D BETTER KNOW THAT A DECADE FROM NOW I’LL BE ABLE TO RUN A MILE AND WILL HAVE THE EQUALIVANT OR GREATER FITNESS OF AN AVERAGE HIGH SCHOOL FRESHMAN. Also, all of you will die in a tragic bear raping incident in a rock quarry in 2008.”

Needless to say, I can run a mile just okay now. I never was the ‘fit’ kid growing up, and after working for a year (consistently, I might add) at this losing weight business (and keeping it off), life recently is feeling like that montage in the first Spiderman where Peter Parker is discovering his powers for the first time. Going up the steps to my therapist’s office and NOT getting winded? Not breaking out in a flop sweat after walking ten minutes to Walgreen’s? Being able to fit in medium sized shirts after years of wearing extra large? Able to run a mile okay without cursing the world? What in the world?

To borrow a quote from The Simpsons:
Skinner: Bart Simpson on the side of law and order? Has the world gone topsy-turvy?
Bart: That’s right, man. I got my first taste of authority…and I liked it.

And this is after all the years of false starts and stops, poring over Men Health’s at Borders, grandiose plans relayed to my family of a sweeping lifestyle reform, that one time I thought I wanted to be a fighter and got kicked in the face, compromises reverting back to bad habits because I could fit into a large shirt and not feel like a stuffed sausage, the one time I ate an entire Popeye’s 24 piece family meal by myself. I would like to add that unemployment is terribly conducive to weight loss.

Maybe as a twenty-three (four in…two weeks [as of this writing]) year old, and as a former fat kid, there is something…I cherish about finally being able to do things now that would have been flights of fancy for me less than a year ago. And not taking it for granted. Which means keeping myself accountable for what I do/eat – although I am not above bacon cheeseburgers with two grilled cheese sandwiches with bacon inside them as buns. Not above at all.

I don’t talk to those kids from my old high school at all, but there’s a tiny part of me that hopes that despite their athletic abilities and state championship game winning basketball shots in high school, that they’re working at a gas station with a belly swollen with fat and unfulfilled dreams. Or, killed in a tragic bear raping incident in a stone quarry. Oh, youthful arrogance.

August 2010: 160 lbs

Paolo Sambrano is a solo performer whose debut full length show, “Bi-Poseur” premieres on September 2 in San Francisco. When he’s not attempting to blog on his ‘performer’ page at PaoloSambrano.com, he’s talking about making bacon cheeseburgers with grilled cheese sandwiches (with bacon inside) as buns or working with kettlebells, at his health/fitness/food Tumblr, I Get Wet. He’s also on Twitter, @paolo.

I’m excited to welcome Jennifer Robinson as a guest poster while I am off hiking, biking and running away from grizzly bears. Thanks for stepping in, Jen!

Scenario #1: You see a photo of yourself that you think is highly unflattering. In fact, you wouldn’t show it to anyone. What you really want to do is throw it into the fireplace and be done with it. But let’s say you show it to someone important to you and she looks at it and exclaims, “What an adorable picture of you!” This leads you to a couple of possibilities: a) You look that way all the time and so therefore maybe it really is a good picture of you or b) Maybe you’re being too hard on yourself.

Scenario #2: You’re dressed up and ready to go out. You haven’t been anywhere at night for a long time because you have small children at home and you’re always exhausted. But tonight, you’re ready to have some fun. You put on your most flattering outfit. Granted, you don’t look like you did when you were 21, but whatever. You and your friends go to a restaurant/bar/bookstore and then you spot her. She’s you ten years ago. Seeing her ruins your night and you go home depressed.

Scenario #3: Each week, you notice that your pants are getting tighter. It’s the pants, you think. Not me. You go out and buy new pants in a size up.

I’m sure that many women can either relate to one of those scenarios. I’m no exception. Two years after my daughter was born, I came to a chilling realization. Over those two years, I had not lost weight (the nine months to put on, nine months to take off rule definitely didn’t apply to me). Instead, I had gained weight – about 30 pounds! It was awful…but I kind of knew how it happened. I had been so busy taking care of my daughter that food took on absolutely no importance. I ate whatever was there, when it was there. The weight had crept on. And now, looking at myself, I wanted it off.

But life doesn’t work that way, so I decided to try Weight Watchers. After my first weigh-in, I was ready to dive in full force. I was completely obsessed with the Points system. Before I could eat anything, I would calculate the points; you could name any food and I would know the exact count. After the first week, though, when I saw I had lost some weight, I started being easier on myself. It became like a game or contest. How many recipes could I make that contained the lowest points possible? What was the highest fiber food I could find? And could I really eat WW ice cream and still lose weight?

Over the next several months, I lost about 40 pounds and went down three sizes. I felt like the Incredible Shrinking Woman as more came off each week. It was amazing.

Now it’s three years later and ta-da! I’m still at my goal weight! That’s not to say that I don’t struggle with the above scenarios (and many, many more), but I’ve recently realized a few things that I wanted to share:

1. We’re too hard on ourselves about how we look. So many of us base our self-worth by a number on the scale – but that’s not a true measure of who we are.
2. Everyone ages. That 21-year-old girl? One day, she’ll be where we are now. So why not embrace the aging process and do it gracefully?
3. If you feel good about yourself and have genuine confidence, it will come through. There’s no such thing as a bad picture. There is such a thing as too much self-judgment. And who has time for that?

Maybe the trick is to re-write our own scenarios. If we have the power to get in body negative mode, we also have the power to take ourselves out of it.

I’m realllllllllllllllllllly looking forward to our family vacation coming up. I feel like it’s been a really long, hardworking summer and I am READY for some R & R!

I’ve been scoping out the place where we’re going and it looks like the food situation… um, I don’t know. We’re staying in these rustic cabins and it looks as though everyone who stays there eats in a cafeteria kind of place. Hm. All I can do is cross my fingers, hope for the best, Make Good Choices, etc.

I think it will be a plus-minus sort of situation. On one hand, there will be opportunity for a lot of activity. Hiking, biking, rafting etc! In a beautiful spot! On the other hand, it’s a lot of unknowns, especially with the food. I won’t have my scale. ;-) I am pretty sure there is going to be NO INTERNET (!!!!!!!!!!). So that does not bode well for my food blog. I am vowing to take pics of all my eats though, and when I can upload them, I will.

The FitBloggin’ Conference is for anyone who blogs about fitness, wellness, good food and a healthy lifestyle – regardless of where they are in their journey. The goal of FitBloggin’ is to bring together the community of health-conscious bloggers for a day of education, networking and friendship.

More than just “another blogging conference”, FitBloggin’ is all about the desire to use technology, blogging and social media to motivate, inspire and foster a culture of health and wellness. We strive to bring together bloggers from all walks of life to create a tightly connected group of men and women who care deeply about and are committed to spreading this passion for fitness.

All I can say is, I’m incredibly excited to meet many of my invisible friends out there, people I’ve been admiring and inspired by this past year. We’re going to get to meet, talk, run together (there’s a 5k!) and blog about it all. Woo-hah!

Yesterday, a really interesting conversation popped up on my food blog. I used the word “splurge” twice – one to jokingly say I’d eaten a whole bolani instead of my usual half. And then again when I had a Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich after lunch.

In reality, I don’t consider EITHER of these things “splurges” and if I’d been talking out loud I would have used air quotes. But it prompted Mish to ask:

What do you think of the idea of ‘splurge’? I find that it can be a good thing to do, but also dangerous for me..because for me I find it’s wrapped with guilt.

Just wondering what you think of that.

To which I replied:

What do I think of “splurge?” Hmm. That is such a good question. I think I don’t use that anymore. For example, I had ice cream and cake on my birthday. But I didn’t think of it as “splurging.” I just thought if it as “ice cream and cake, which I am enjoying” rather than “something I don’t normally do.” It has the same emotional weight as “juicy plum.” It’s just one thing I’ve photographed in my day.

Does that make sense? I’ve never really thought of it in that way. I definitely USED to think of “splurge days” (Ha, usually the night after my WW weigh-ins!) but I just realized that I do not think in those terms anymore. Although a lot of what I eat would probably be considering splurging to other people (I’m writing this word so many times now it looks crazy, what a funny word). Fried food. Sweets. Cheese. To me, it’s all food.

Interesting. I don’t use the word splurge at all. In fact, it’s one of the words I hate. I really honestly don’t think of food in that kind of way. I read a food blog once where a girl ate a hamburger with some sides (beans? don’t remember) and she talked all about how it was a splurge but she enjoyed it so it was okay. I was thinking about how for me that was a normal meal – the idea of that being a splurge just made me feel like it’s a word I don’t want to be using for myself or in general.

Sorry, that might not be totally on topic, but I hate the word. And possibly the idea.

I know that many people incorporate the word, and the concept of “splurging” in their weight loss habits. I I used to. Back in my earlier WW days, I used to splurge (ie eat with abandon) the day or two after my weigh-ins.

But I realize I really do not think so much that way anymore (even though! I know! I used it twice in one blog post -it was sort of ironic). If I’m coming up to a big event — a birthday or wedding or something like that – I’ll plan for it. I’ll never go all-out and eat everything in sight as if it doesn’t matter. And like I said, if I eat cake, I’m just eating cake. Another time I’ll eat cherries. No one is more splurgey than the other.

I’ve really tried to stop thinking of foods as good or bad, as splurgey or everyday. Each day is different. Today I had “real” cheddar cheese on my English muffin instead of my more usual Laughing Cow Lite cheese. Did I splurge? (because I’d just done a 2 hour workout? :-)) Hmmm, I think of it as doing a little math in my head and deciding that I’d go for the real cheddar. Just because. Because I wanted to.

I think this is a real shift (and a good one) from the way I used to think before. What do you think? Do you still think in terms of splurges? What about “treats?” (another very provocative word)