Song: Oozing Brie – by Stella & the Fromagers

This month our favourite singer, Stella, booked her yearly cheese constitutional in France. She goes for the Reblochon – fresh, seeping and stinking; the Saint-Maure de Touraine – clean and flavoursome, with a gum-tingling rind… and of course the Brie – aged, oozing and reeking.

Unfortunately, for the fifth year running, her husband – a cheese dunce by all accounts – will not be going with her. This latest refusal has made Stella reach for the guitar… and as usual, we’re happy she did.

Play

In France is where I holiday
Cheese country is where I stay
I go for Mimolette and Franche-Comte
Camembert from Normandy’s fine fettle
I go every May
My man won’t come with me
He hates my oozing Brie
Yeah, he just loves Dairylea

I’m chomping my Ossau-Iraty
I’m hoovering up a great Langres
With a plate piled high with squelchy Brie
There’s no one to share it with me
I’m lonely, but scoff it anyway
My man won’t come with me
He hates my oozing Brie
Yeah, he just loves Dairylea

There’s a sorrow in my heart and mind
Love of fake-fake cheese it is a crime
Not eating Rouquefort or Touraine
Or Banon or Beaufort is insane
Why won’t he give them all a try?
My man won’t come with me
He loves his Dairylea
Yeah, but it tastes chemically