What type of games do you enjoy? MMO's only Collectable card games (such as EVE Online, Magic etc) Dungeons & Dragons, roleplaying games Other IRL dice throwing games Other games? There's only EVE! All kind of games, I like to try anything Any game where I can be _evil_...

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, pies and bears, gather around! It is once again time for you to be regaled by tales of yarrage and tears! If you’ll allow me a moment to introduce myself, I am Lord Abako, and while this is my first story I have written for EVE-Pirate, I promise it to be the first of many.

My fellow corpmates and I are all former members of TRAPS (except our new guy), who’s exploits seem to be pretty well known around this site. So empire wars are kind of our thing really. We’ve recently struck out on our own in this crazy universe to see what fun there is to be had, and have been having a blast so far. With only 7 active players, the inability to rely on numbers adds a nice sense of challenge to everything we do.

We’ve been fighting practically non stop since creating our own corporation and I have about a month and a half of craziness to cover in this story. I’ve also made sure to ask my corpies to save a good number of screenshots and chat logs to help spice thing up. I’m going to do my best to keep everything in the correct order, but with this being my first time writing a story like this, I didn’t think to save screenshots with the date they were taken. But you live and learn. So grab yourself a drink, maybe a snack, and get nice and comfortable, because here we go!

I figure that a little back story on our corporation, Just Us Guys In Space or JUGIS is in order. We currently have 7 active players, 5 of whom flew in TRAPS for quite a while. Our other 2 players are relatively new to the game and wanted to learn PVP.

Upon leaving TRAPS, we originally called ourselves Hull Miners Union and conducted a few small wars under that moniker. However, we soon realized that there was already another corp called The Hull Miners Union, which is part the Gentlemen’s Club Alliance. Not wishing to tread on other’s toes in such a way by having virtually the exact same corp name, it was decided that creating a new corp would be in order.

Thus began the search for a new corp name, with many clever titles being considered. However, during this time, we hit upon an opportunity for some fine lulz, both timely and unique. We were just finishing up a war with a corporation called Just Us Guys In Space. These guys were generally of the carebear persuasion, however they did attempt to fight back a number of times. Sadly, their skills were not nearly up to the task and we generally had an easy time with them. Here are the results from that war:

As you can see, they had quite the sense of humor at the start. However, after a couple of weeks of war, instead of going ahead and paying up, they opted to have everyone quit the corp and close it down completely! All of this over a couple hundred million ISK. After they closed down the corp, we struck upon the idea that it might be hilarious if we reopened the corp, using the exact same name, and convo the CEO to inform him that we never actually wanted a ransom fee, we just wanted their corp name. Good stuff right there!

The biggest drawback to taking this corp name as our own, is the fact that they had lost a few other wars besides the one with us. That meant that their TERRIBLE killboard stats would transfer over to us. Fortunately, we really don’t care about what our killboard stats are, as long as all killmails and lossmails are posted with 100% accuracy.

So we pressed on with our wars, none of them being too particularly interesting. Most of the time, our targets would refuse to pay up or fight, they would just sit in station, or try to run 10-20 jumps away to mine or mission. Unfortunately for them, we have a number of people with locator agents, and don’t really mind stretching our legs to get a kill.

As these wars began to thin out, we started looking around for a fun new target to war dec, always making sure to keep our eyes peeled for people who might provide some good entertainment. Smack talkers are also something I make sure to look out for. It just so happens that I find exactly what we’re looking for one day on my alt. I ran across a group of guys from a corp called NEB Indstruial (no that is not a typo) camping a war target of theirs in Sheroo. They were also laying down a nice dose of smack talk in local, trying to get their target to come out. Here is the log with all of the local banter filtered out:

Don’t ask me what happened to the time logs at the end there, I don’t really know. But all in all, that’s some funny shit right there. All of those guys are after that one dude Daylani. Now if you’re anything like me, you must be thinking that these guys are definitely up for a bit of the old pew pew right? And with 500 mil to think about putting on someone’s head, these guys must be LOADED. Let’s take a look at their corp info shall we.

This was taken shortly after we declared war on them. If you notice, it also shows that they are in an alliance. They weren’t when the war dec went through but I’ll touch more on that later. So here we have a corp of 71 people that seems to actively hunt and kill the people that war dec them, and who also claim to have PLENTY of money. They even smack talk some to make things even more interesting. Sounds like a perfect target to me! Their CEO also seems to be one for the pew pew. Here’s his bio at the time of the war.

So he’s a self proclaimed BAD ASS, who shoots first and asks questions later, among other things. Well so far they are definitely looking like all kinds of fun to dec. I end up having to get off EVE for the night shortly after seeing them, but a friend of mine was kind enough to keep watching them in Sheroo, and he later sent me the chat logs. Here you find Groon Sheysen still in Sheroo smack talking over 10 hours later!

Has he got a mouth on him or what? Keep an eye on this guy as we progress, I promise it gets even better.

So far we have them smack talking while camping a target, talking about putting large sums of ISK on someone’s head, and even bragging about building and selling battleships. Anyone can see why I was overjoyed to find these guys for targets.

We went ahead and put in the war dec vote on NEB so that we could send out the dec at a moments notice. Then began the arduous task of trying to collect the names of the people in the corp, and what systems they liked to frequent. A couple of my friends on my alt are based in sheroo, so I asked them to keep a lookout and write down the names and locations of any NEB members they saw. When I log in the next day, I find a mail from one of my buddies who happened to watch General Shear and Groon Sheysen fight and kill the Rokh of one of the guys who had decced NEB in Sheroo. You can look at the kill mail here http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/killmail.php?id=10002582. He also provides me with a list of their members who are on and play in the surrounding systems.

Upon seeing that a few of the people on his list were online and still in the Sheroo area, I made a decision that would come to affect the rest of the war. Two days before, I had created a third toon in order to fill in the empty spot on my account. I immediately logged on to this alt and quickly made the 20 or so jumps out to Sheroo in my little mining laser equipped Probe. Once there, I mentally prepared my story, and opened a convo with one of their newer members who was out mining in his Retriever.

After two days of acting like a few day old noob, and talking with various people from NEB, I was accepted into NEB on a trial membership. The funniest part was I actually had to have an interview with the CEO and all of the Directors because they wanted to make sure I wasn’t a spy! I guess I was pretty convincing.

I wasn’t sure exactly what I was going to do, as this was the first time I had ever infiltrated a corporation, but I immediately made sure to mail a copy of their entire member list to my corporation. I figured that the member list, and possibly a little bit of info via corp mail would be all I would get, which was enough for me. Little did I know how wrong I was.

As I was talking with my new corp mates, getting to know them a little better in order to maintain my cover, I was told that the server info for the corp’s ventrillo was posted on the bulletin board. I immediately hopped on and started chatting with my new corp mates. I was astounded to hear from General Shear that the corp was going to be joining an alliance within the next 12 hours! I quickly contacted my corpies in JUGIS and told them to start the war dec immediately! Two full weeks of alliance warfare for 4 mil ISK FTW!

So the dec goes through and I suddenly hear a chorus of “NOT AGAIN!” and “WTF” over vent. It was down right hilarious because they had literally just finished a chain of something like three wars in a row. Keeping up the innocent noob routine, I immediately proceeded to ask all kinds of questions like: “Why did they dec us?” and “Where is safe?” It got even funnier when Shear sends this email out to the corp:

2010.04.15 05:23

ok guys u all need to come to Fuskunen Solar System tommarow before the dec starts so we can protect every one the pos is set up and well defended we are going to do war time mining ops with bses and bc covering us we also joined a local aliance thats going to help us same deal as befor i dont want any one to leave becouse of this when we set up a station for this reason our cannons do over 6kdammage 10 large missle bateries and one hell of a shield together we can accomplish any thing look were a month old an we have a pos so lets use it for what we built it for not realy any pirets out here and when they see us in large groups they run also i want to go over how were going to do fleet attacks becouse yesterday showed me some of u kinda wernt sure what to do so i want to inform u of how your ship works in fleet friggs attack battleships up close they cant hit u cruisers frigs and destroyers take out smaller ships and the battle cruisers anbb battle ships have your backs we have good ships and know how to fight.oh ya. so lets not give em easy targets come to your corps new home and lets embarise em out right the shield pass word is get47 so put it on your ship.so set your destination in go there warp to the last planets 2nd moon u can log off in here inside the buble and when u log on you warp back into it i hope to see yall here when i get off work tommarow.oh ya dont shoot at our new station it will wipe u out

Gah! Someone needs to train Spelling and Punctuation to level 1! Wall of text FTL! For those of you who didn’t want to, or couldn’t, read that crazy mess of a run-on sentence, it had such juicy info such as the fact that they have a POS set up in Fuskunen and even the shield password! Awesome! This is already turning out better than I could have hoped.

Pretty soon after the email goes out, I go ahead and make an excuse about having to get some food or something and log onto Lord Abako (having only 1 account sucks!). I got on just in time for the NEB directors to convo our CEO about the war. Alright! We all figure this is sure to be hilarious, so we all join the convo to watch the fun. I got there after the conversation had already started, but it definitely still proved funny to watch. Irremna was acting as their chief negotiator, but made the mistake of bringing both Shear and Groon. See for yourself:

[ 2010.04.15 04:42:29 ] irremna > hello there may we speak for a few?
[ 2010.04.15 04:42:50 ] Khorr Volka > cetrainly.. one second please
[ 2010.04.15 04:42:56 ] irremna > I see you have wardeced us and i was wounder why and what we can do to resolve the issue
[ 2010.04.15 04:44:19 ] Khorr Volka > yes of course it can easily be resolved?
[ 2010.04.15 04:44:19 ] General Shear > let me guess dailani put u up to this?
[ 2010.04.15 04:44:33 ] irremna > let me handle this please
[ 2010.04.15 04:44:43 ] irremna > can you tell me the reason of the war dec
[ 2010.04.15 04:44:45 ] irremna > first?
[ 2010.04.15 04:44:55 ] irremna > then we will talk on how to resolve
[ 2010.04.15 04:45:00 ] Khorr Volka > dailani?
[ 2010.04.15 04:45:10 ] irremna > never mind him, he jumps to conclusions
[ 2010.04.15 04:45:11 ] General Shear > hmm
[ 2010.04.15 04:45:27 ] General Shear > yes so how may we help u?
[ 2010.04.15 04:45:49 ] Khorr Volka > well this war can be easily be resolved with the swift deposit of 500 million isk into our corp coffers
[ 2010.04.15 04:45:59 ] irremna > ummmm, no
[ 2010.04.15 04:46:04 ] General Shear > no
[ 2010.04.15 04:46:08 ] Khorr Volka > well then
[ 2010.04.15 04:46:09 ] irremna > we will not be extorted
[ 2010.04.15 04:46:15 ] General Shear > 7 of u verses 300 of us
[ 2010.04.15 04:46:18 ] Khorr Volka > we will not leave empty handed
[ 2010.04.15 04:46:23 ] General Shear > think not
[ 2010.04.15 04:46:30 ] irremna > we are in the middle of being acepted into a alliance
[ 2010.04.15 04:46:43 ] General Shear > yes u will our aliance startes well befor your lil war does
[ 2010.04.15 04:46:44 ] Khorr Volka > very well, there are other ways of getting our money
[ 2010.04.15 04:46:48 ] irremna > befor you jump into this
[ 2010.04.15 04:47:01 ] irremna > well its not your money to start with
[ 2010.04.15 04:47:13 ] irremna > we simply have done nothing to you
[ 2010.04.15 04:47:18 ] General Shear > every day people try this never works out though
[ 2010.04.15 04:47:43 ] Khorr Volka > well I wouldn't say that
[ 2010.04.15 04:47:55 ] Khorr Volka > we can get our isk the easy way or the fun way
[ 2010.04.15 04:48:00 ] General Shear > i would we havent payed any one yet
[ 2010.04.15 04:48:04 ] Khorr Volka > you have chosen the fun way
[ 2010.04.15 04:48:32 ] General Shear > all u guys arfe the money or war
[ 2010.04.15 04:48:52 ] Khorr Volka > and you are all money and rocks
[ 2010.04.15 04:49:03 ] General Shear > guess what we have no money jokes on u
[ 2010.04.15 04:49:07 ] General Shear > not realy
[ 2010.04.15 04:49:09 ] Khorr Volka > it is all about the money no matter the occupation
[ 2010.04.15 04:49:16 ] Khorr Volka > you have your way to make it and we have ours
[ 2010.04.15 04:49:45 ] Khorr Volka > what value do you put on your corp? That is the main question you need to consider
[ 2010.04.15 04:49:53 ] General Shear > whata are u going to to target noobs like every one else does ya fun in that
[ 2010.04.15 04:50:03 ] Khorr Volka > what value are your members to your corp?
[ 2010.04.15 04:50:17 ] General Shear > oh dont hand me that u are 7
[ 2010.04.15 04:50:19 ] Khorr Volka > you will lose members and your corp will cease to exist
[ 2010.04.15 04:50:35 ] Khorr Volka > all because of your bullheaded pride about some isk you could make in a couple days
[ 2010.04.15 04:50:51 ] General Shear > not realy pretty strong groud 1 month of war so far still going strong growing bu the day
[ 2010.04.15 04:50:56 ] irremna > well with wardec after wardec our funds are exhusted so no money to pay you, its not pride. we are broke now
[ 2010.04.15 04:51:11 ] Groon Sheysen > all becasue of your pathetic need to try and extort people
[ 2010.04.15 04:51:25 ] General Shear > pride my asss weve been fighting the likes of u how we gonna make money
[ 2010.04.15 04:51:38 ] Groon Sheysen > no fucking money
[ 2010.04.15 04:51:41 ] Groon Sheysen > no fucking way
[ 2010.04.15 04:51:42 ] Khorr Volka > well you have isk tied up in other things you could liquidate
[ 2010.04.15 04:51:46 ] Groon Sheysen > period
[ 2010.04.15 04:51:52 ] Khorr Volka > I care not how you come up with the isk
[ 2010.04.15 04:51:54 ] General Shear > whare u guys located any ways?
[ 2010.04.15 04:51:59 ] General Shear > for u ya right
[ 2010.04.15 04:51:59 ] Groon Sheysen > LOL!!!!
[ 2010.04.15 04:52:13 ] irremna > how about this
[ 2010.04.15 04:52:18 ] irremna > we want 500 mil
[ 2010.04.15 04:52:24 ] Groon Sheysen > we will liquidate your ships and sell the loot and salvage
[ 2010.04.15 04:52:28 ] General Shear > yep we want 500 mill
[ 2010.04.15 04:52:45 ] irremna > push a miner so much, i have claws
[ 2010.04.15 04:52:46 ] Khorr Volka > well then it should be an interesting war
[ 2010.04.15 04:52:52 ] Khorr Volka > good luck to you
[ 2010.04.15 04:52:53 ] Groon Sheysen > and your mom. My place needs to be cleaned.
[ 2010.04.15 04:53:04 ] irremna > fail groon
[ 2010.04.15 04:53:06 ] irremna > fail
[ 2010.04.15 04:53:12 ] Groon Sheysen > no prime WIN
[ 2010.04.15 04:53:26 ] Groon Sheysen > these douchebags just want a fight
[ 2010.04.15 04:53:52 ] General Shear > well let em try i guess
[ 2010.04.15 04:54:03 ] Groon Sheysen > I'm done talking to idiots like these
[ 2010.04.15 04:54:05 ] General Shear > every one else has whats one more war
[ 2010.04.15 04:54:07 ] Khorr Volka > I suggest you choose your diplomats more carefully irremna
[ 2010.04.15 04:54:12 ] Khorr Volka > this one does you no good
[ 2010.04.15 04:54:21 ] Groon Sheysen > LOL!!!
[ 2010.04.15 04:54:37 ] General Shear > i realy dont think u ub=nderstand how many times this happens a week
[ 2010.04.15 04:54:44 ] irremna > eh, we are tired of people extorting us and we dont pay
[ 2010.04.15 04:55:23 ] irremna > we dont pay, i will say it again. bullets bombs and lazers is what you get from us
[ 2010.04.15 04:55:24 ] Khorr Volka > that is fine, you can do with it what you will
[ 2010.04.15 04:55:39 ] Khorr Volka > very well
[ 2010.04.15 04:55:52 ] irremna > just let us be and do our work and leave us alone
[ 2010.04.15 04:55:54 ] General Shear > no youl come to us im sure we have no need or interrest to hunt u
[ 2010.04.15 04:57:16 ] Khorr Volka > we deliver
[ 2010.04.15 04:57:18 ] Groon Sheysen > find other peopel who you can actually scare
[ 2010.04.15 04:57:26 ] General Shear > right
[ 2010.04.15 04:57:27 ] Groon Sheysen > come to us and we will fight
[ 2010.04.15 04:57:44 ] Groon Sheysen > you will find we aren't the easy targets you seem to think we are
[ 2010.04.15 04:57:58 ] Groon Sheysen > I am done with these fools

Look at that! Smack talking in the negotiations! Not exactly the best way to get people to stop a war against your corporation. I like how 5 days before this they were bragging about having a bunch of battleships to sell, and how they might put a 500 million ISK bounty on someone’s head, but now they are claiming to be broke. I dunno how you lose that much in 5 days, especially as miners. You should be able to make that much in 5 days EASY. I also enjoyed them saying how they were going to fight us. That turned out to be a huge lie, but we will get to that later.

So we wait and watch, and sure enough, roughly 12 hours later, NEB was accepted as part of The Obsidian Front alliance. We immediately begin gathering all the intel we can on these guys. They are a relatively new alliance, created at the end of last November. At the time of the war they had five members including NEB, 1 of which was a 2 man corp. So we are looking at 4 corps vs our little 7 man outfit. Should be fun! Here are some post war screenshot of the other 3 corps in the alliance (as I didn’t think about taking any at the start of the war).

So we are looking at roughly 200-250 people between these 4 corps. Even if half of these people are inactive or alts, we are talking more than 100 people vs 7. Sounds like a fair fight in my book. We also laughed particularly hard when we saw that Gravometric Invention Manufacturing Partnership (or 2GIMP) was part of the alliance. A few days before the war dec, one of our members had been can flipping in Hek and ended up losing an Ishkur when a 2Gimp recon ship de-cloaked next to the can he had just flipped. So instead of getting all butthurt about it, we simply added them to a list of possible fun people to war dec, though we didn’t really want to pay the fee to dec an alliance at the time. Imagine how happy we were when we found out that we had just gotten 2 weeks of war against them for no extra cost. Cosmic coincidences FTW!

It should also be mentioned that NEB was already at war with a small 2 man corp known as Roid-Rage. This corp consisted of a guy named Commander Killjoy and his buddy Le Pube. They had been having fun killing the new people in NEB for kicks, but I don’t think they were ready to take on an entire alliance. Commander Killjoy ended up losing 4 Megathrons in 1 day to the combined efforts of the alliance. But they didn’t give up, I’ll give em that much.

So the war goes live and we hit the ground running. The majority of the alliance seems to be based in Hek, and uses the Boundless Creation station a good bit. They also have a Large POS set up in Hek that they use as a staging area. At this point, we have moved from using the NEB ventrillo over to the Alliance Teamspeak server. I hear them talking about how they had just killed Commander Killjoy’s Megathron and Le Pube’s Thorax in Hek. Meanwhile, myself and 2 corpies are sitting in Uttindar on the Hek gate. We quickly convo up Commander Killjoy and arrange to use him as bait to force an engagement. He agrees and fits up another Megathron and sits outside Boundless again.

They end up taking the bait and engage with a fleet of 1 Scorpion, 2 Typhoons, and few BCs and smaller ships. We of course bounce in and snag a kill on the jammer fit Scorp. The rest of the fleet warps out, while we have both Typhoons scrammed and webbed, sadly both manage to dock up with 5-10% structure left! Gah!

We continue to put the pressure on them over the next 24 hours, scoring a few good kills while out hunting. We also had a wonderful little battle over the Hek gate when they tried to jump our CEO thinking he was alone and an easy kill. Sadly for them, we were all scattered around the area 1 jump away and managed to swoop in and score kills on a Typhoon, Drake, Hurricane, and Vexor, without taking any losses on our side. Again, the rest of the fleet fled back to their POS the second we jumped in, not even attempting to fight it out even though it was 8-9 vs 4!

The first 24 hours sees us scoring 10 kills, much to the chagrin of the alliance leader Ynot Eyob. Here is part of a mail he sent out to the alliance regarding the status of the war so far:

2010.04.17 12:00

Roid-Rage seems to be pretty unskilled and easy targets and seems to be running the EU timezone.

6-0 to us and hopefully they will drop the war soon.

Just Us Guys In Space seems to be pretty skilled and know how to work together and seems to be in the US timezone. They seem to logon around 04:00 EVE which is 6 in the morning my time. I can only ask people to be carefull from 04:00 to downtime, and dont make any attemt to engage them unless you have the patiense, tactics and Teamwork in order.

Seeing this really dont make me happy though, as the more kills they get the longer the war will last.

0-10 to Just Us Guys In Space

Be carefull guys, we all want to get back to normal as quickly as posible.

They want things to get back to normal, but when we convo’d them about them paying us a surrender fee, they refused flat out. We were even nice enough to offer the same 500 mil fee we offered NEB! Now for an alliance that ended up having 6 large POSes that we knew about, that doesn’t seem like much AT ALL.

The NEB guys were especially upset about the war, considering they had fought something like 3 war back to back before ours. We ended up popping the Hoarder of a guy named rolfcopter123 while he was hauling about 6 mil in Isogen to Hek. He was so mad that he ended up sending a convo to one of my corpies offering to sell us the location of their Fuskunen POS! We already had the location thanks to me of course, but still we were laughing our asses off that people were already betraying them less than 24 hours into the war! Shoujo had a bit of fun playing dumb with him. Here is the chatlog from that convo:

Lol! We never found out who exactly he wanted us to kill. The funny thing was that he never actually quit the corp like he said he was going to. He was still in it when the war ended too. Now you might say that this isn’t enough proof, and that we could have easily faked this chatlog to discredit one of their members. So how about a picture of the chat in question?

All that over a t1 hauler with like 6 mil in it. Of course this could have been avoided had NEB just paid up, but they were far too stubborn.

About 3 days into the war we took the first of our 2 losses of the war. One of our members was on when the rest of us weren’t and ended up flying head long into a massive gate camp set up by our enemies, in a faction fit megathron. The camp included more than 15 people, most of them in BS. However much to our guys credit, he managed to take 2 Hurricanes, a Tempest, a Cyclone and a Stabber with him, which ended up being worth more than his Mega anyways

As expected, these guys had the numbers and some pretty decent equipment to play with. A couple of times I found myself camped into station by 10+ people. I took a screenshot of their camp one time when I undocked to a safespot in a shuttle to go grab another ship I had stashed away. Check out what they brought just to camp little old me:

Check out the Loki that Ynot is flying. Too bad he never actually brought that to any of the fights we had. Would have been one hell of a battle!

These guys were definitely proving to be fun so far. The day after we lost that Megathron, our guy was sitting outside of Boundless in yet another megathron. I am on Lord Abako, while also on their TS acting as my alt. I hear them talking about how they know that our guy is outside of Boundless, and that I am 1 jump away docked up in Eystur. They begin tossing around the idea of possibly engaging, but figure that our guy would just dock up if things got too hot, and that I would probably come help in my Geddon.

They then come up with a decent idea. The plan was that Ynot would fit up a massively tanked Typhoon and engage our Megathron outside of the station, with a 2Gimp player in an Oineros sitting 70k away to rep him. Meanwhile the rest of their fleet, some 10+ people, would sit on the Eystur gate and kill me as I came over to help our Mega. I am smiling as I hear this, because they don’t have any eyes on the Hek/Eysutr gate. I immediately undock and take my Armageddon over to another station in Hek and then fly back in a shuttle.

About 20 minutes later, they are ready to go and they engage our Megathron in Hek. I proceed to undock in a shuttle and fly right through their gate camp, much to the confusion of the enemy. At this point, all order falls apart as some people say they are warping back to the POS and other are going to warp to Boundless to help attack the Megathron. I proceed to get into the Geddon and warp right on top of their typhoon. We both load long range ammo, and switch targets to the Oineros, who popped before he could figure out what was going on! +1 Logistics ship for our KB! Ynot then begins to try to degress and dock the phoon, and actually manages to in less than 5% structure! AARGGH!

They were pretty lively and good sports about all of it, sharing some joking back and forth with us in local. Their alliance also had an absolutely no smack policy that everyone upheld. Even the NEB guys stopped smacking under command of the alliance head, which was definitely a nice thing to see. Sadly as the first week comes to an end, orders came down from the alliance heads to cease all attempts to engage us. WTF!? After doing some digging on my alt, I discover that the reason for stopping the fighting was that most of the alliance’s veteran players, including its leaders, were both in NSR and IMORTALS. Apparently both of these corps are European based, which was obvious from talking with them on TS, and couldn’t fight with most of their people considering most of JUGIS is American/Canadian. They also felt that the more they fought, the longer we would keep the war dec going. BAH! Not fighting FTL!

Here’s part of an alliance mail where they talk about not fighting us in order to end the war:

With only 8 of them, we just have to learn to avoid them. NEB are planning on low sec mining, and that is alot harder than a war, as everyone in local are a target, and you constant have to be aligned and prepare to warp out. atm. same goes for high sec, only here you only need to look for 8 people and not everyone.

He says 8 of them because we have 1 pilot in the corp who was an alt we used to create it.

While the actual people who can fight take the orders to heart and stop fighting us completely, the industrialists still provide us with plenty of entertainment. Virtually the whole of NEB Indstruial, the people who brought this war to the alliance, have so far avoided any of the actual fighting. I wonder what happened to their boasts of fighting us? I wonder if by fight us, they meant fly 15+ jumps away and mine? This guy here certainly thought that’s what they meant.

Mining alone in an Osprey during war isn’t exactly recommended with us. As I said, we don’t mind stretching our legs to get a kill. He actually ragequit corp shortly after that kill.

Now you might say “Well that’s just the noobs of the corp doing stupid things like all noobs do.” Well that could be the case. Except how about the corp mining ops lead by General Shear and Groon Sheysen in Fuskunen? A number of times I had heard about such ops over the TS, but due to Fuskunen being an absolutely dead system, they would see me in local the moment I got into system and would warp back to their POS before I could get my arbitrator to the belt.

So one day when I heard them say that they were having a mining op, I elected for a different strategy. One of my buddies from an industrial corp that I am a member of on an alt, had been doing some scouting and probing for us in order to get in on the fun. He had also been training up a combat alt recently, so I asked him if he would like to give it a test. He agreed and quickly refit his Punisher to carry 2 t2 warp disruptors.

I figured he would be able to point two of their ships because usually Shear would look at people who come into Fuskunen, and wouldn’t worry about noobs. He was in his Drake guarding the op afterall. So as I wait on the Fuskunen gate in Ofage, he heads in and proceeds to find what belt they are in with the D-scanner. Just as he is warping to them, Shear gets spooked by the fact that an older player had come into the system via another gate and tells the fleet to warp back to the POS. Luckily for us, my buddy was already warping to the belt and manages to land and point 2 of their Retrievers! At this point I have already entered the system and am warping to the belt, as they are calling out my presence over the TS. Rather than fight the lone Punisher plaguing his fleet, General Shear opts to warp his Drake out with the rest of the fleet, leaving the 2 Retrievers to their fate! Even as I sit there slaughtering the helpless mining barges, the rest of the 8 NEB people in system do nothing to try to help. My buddy even managed to kill 1 barge before I could get it locked!

I guess rolfcopter123 should have quit corp like he said he was going to. The funniest part is that our CEO caught rolfcopter123 again in Eram less than 30 minutes later in yet another Retriever! 2 barges in 1 hour lost for this guy! Tarsas ended up joined up with us shortly after and has been having a blast ever since.

NEB wasn’t the only ones out mining during the war. Numerous times we caught a few of the 2GIMP noobs out mining during the war. Sadly they didn’t even have the smarts to actually go 10-15 jumps away like NEB did. They would actually sit there and mine in Hek and Eystur where we are based! Talk about dumb ideas! Here’s a picture of Shoujo catching 1 of them in a Retriever in Hek:

We ended up catching that Admeral Ackbarr guy mining away in Hek a number of times. I have no clue what he was thinking, but talking to the rest of the 2GIMP guys on TS, they weren’t happy.

Speaking of the 2GIMP guys, I ended up hanging out with them a lot when I was on my alt, due to the fact that most of the times I was getting on, the NEB guys were just getting off for the night. They ended up taking me on level 4 missions with them to make ISK, and “teaching” me a lot of stuff. Keep this in mind as it’ll be important later.

It was around this time, close to 2 weeks into the war, that we took our second of 2 losses. With the lack of ANY fights whatsoever from the WTs, we had taken up the habit of camping the Hek gate in Eystur. As Hek was still their primary hub of activity, they had a number of people coming and going frequently in small ships. We ended up catching a few targets in things like frigates and destroyers like this over the course of the war.

So we were sitting on the gate, me in my Arbitrator, Shoujo in an Interceptor, and Tarsas in his Punisher. We end up waiting a few minutes and decide that I should go around to the Uttindar gate on the other side of Hek, via Olbra, so as to catch anyone heading towards the Sheroo area. Unfortunately as I got about 2/3 of the way around, Tjalve Myr’aelyn jumped through the Hek/Eystur gate in a t2 fit Vexor. Tarsas and Shoujo quickly got him locked down, but a Vexor isn’t exactly the best fight for a Punisher and a Stiletto. They ended up holding out in time for me to get there, but I found that I had landed on the other side of the gate, 35 km away! Damn you gate!

Tarsas held up really well, but ended up going pop right as I got to 24km. With my t2 Hammerheads already chewing deep into his armor, I slammed the t2 Warp Disruptor button and…… Nothing! It just blinked at me for a few seconds before my lock was lost and the Vexor warped away. AARRGH! We all offered up GF in local and so did he. O well, can’t win em all

So as the 2 week mark rolls around, Ynot sends out another mail to the corp:

2010.04.30 16:05

Just Us Guys In Space are getting bored killing retrivers in the eraly morning for some of us.

Iv just spoken with APAX who do the same as Just Us Guys In Space. According to them they normally pay up 3 monaths at a time for an alliance, and just let it run out after 3 weeks if they are getting bored. The best thing we can do now its to ABSOLUTE not chatting with them what so ever. No in local, or private chats.

If we try and exspand our forces now, APAX would be happy an exspand the war if they were in their shoes.

So people lets try not to give them ANY easy kills this week and DO NOT TRY AND ENGAGE THEM, dont talk with any of them and lets them get bored enough. 50 mill a week to kill 1-2 retrivers aint really worth a war. And they would most likely move on to a bigger target, where they can get some decent fights.

Hehe. Funny thing is that we haven’t had to pay 50 mil yet. We got the first 2 weeks for a grand total of 4 mil. So using the money I made running level 4s with the 2GIMP guys, we pay the 50 mil and extend the war for another week. I love it that they ended up helping me raise the money to keep killing them. Yet again though, we have the alliance leaders issuing orders not to fight at all. So we continue hunting down and killing those people who are foolish enough to mission and mine during the war.

Now remember how near the start I said they had a Large POS in Hek that they used as a staging area? Well not only did they hang around in there waiting to do something, but they also used it as a place to store ships so they wouldn’t have to dock and possibly get camped. And the best part was they didn’t keep them in corp hangers, they simply left them there floating with no pilots! Not just a couple ships either, like 10+ ships of all kinds of sizes. Multiple BCs and BSs, faction ships, and even a Tengu once! I was practically drooling the first time I saw this and immediately began making plans to liberate them of all those extra ships

After getting my learning skills trained up, I started training my alt to be able to fly Caldari ships, as there were 2 drakes and 2 ravens floating in there most days that NEVER moved. I figured I would grab the ones that were rarely used so they wouldn’t miss them and I’d have more time to grab other ships. By the time the second week of the war was half way done, I was ready to fly Caldari BCs. I waited until about 6 AM EST, when almost everyone in the alliance was offline, and headed out to the POS. Luckily there was no one there, so I hopped aboard one of the Drakes that was ever so lazily floating there and flew it back to Boundless! I was almost giddy as I opened up the fitting and found that it was fully T2 equipped and fully rigged! This was the first time I had ever actually stolen a ship so I was quite pleased, and quickly convo’d a friend who flies Drakes almost exclusively. After a quick bit a haggling, I sold just the ship plus the rigs for a cool 35 mil and then sold the fitting for about 15 mil. Stealing enemy ships to pay for the war FTW!

I was worried that they would notice the Drake missing and begin a witch hunt, as I was certain they already suspected they had a spy in their midst. So I waited and watched for an alliance mail demanding the ship back, or any sign that they noticed the ship missing. NOTHING! With my confidence boosted, I took stock of what was regularly floating in the POS. My final tally came to 1 Drake (other than the one I stole) 1 Hurricane, 1 Apocalypse, 1 Dominix, 1 Raven, 1 Abaddon, 1 Rupture, and a few assorted smaller ships. I also knew for a fact that the Abaddon was fully rigged and t2 fit. Sadly, the pilot had told me he had take off the faction fit during the war just in case. So I make a plan to do a massive smash and grab and get it all in one fell swoop, and begin training up for Gallente and Amarrian BS. In the mean time, I took a chance and snagged the other Drake, which was also fully rigged and t2 fit! This time my friend bought the entire thing for 53 mil! (Yes I know this might be a little cheap, but I don’t mind since it’s a friend and I got it for free)

Back on the war front, we were continuing to pick off stranglers and noobs. Amazingly enough, General Shear continued to recruit throughout the war, ensuring there were a constant supply of NEB noobs to kill!

So one day, me and Tarsas were both on our alts in a separate corp, grinding out some ISK for a change of pace. Passing through Sheroo, we notice General Shear and a number of NEB people in local. We quickly got to work with the D-Scanner and found that they had a mining op going in one of the belts. Laughing our asses off at our good fortune, we hopped onto our JUGIS toons and began making the 16 jump trip out to Sheroo. Meanwhile we had a friend of ours, who had always been a fan of our exploits, start mining in the same belt as the NEB guys, 10km away from them directly opposite the Avyuh gate. With him fleeted, we were able to warp 10km from him and land directly on top of the NEB mining fleet. It consisted of 2 of their new guys in a retriever and a vexor, and General Shear hauling in his Badger Mark II. We quickly got a point on the barge and the vexor but somehow the vexor still warped away. He was either stabbed or my point didn’t activate, but either way he got out. So I quickly switched targets and got a point on Shear instead. Pop pop, 2 more kills for the JUGIS guys!

I was pretty happy to see that the hauler was fully rigged and expanded, so it was actually worth some ISK. I was also amazed to realize that it was the first time we had actually killed General Shear. He’s one slippery fellow to say the least.

Both pods managed to get away so we followed them back to the station and sat outside. JTree, the noob who lost the retriever, ends up undocking in his pod and warping towards a gate. I don’t really bother going after him since I am in my Arbitrator and wouldn’t have a chance to lock him. However Tarsas does follow him and quickly begins laughing in chat. To my amazement, he reports that JTree has warped there at 10km and that by warping to 0, he had managed to catch and kill the pod. WTF!? We figure he must have been on auto pilot or something.

So we head out to Avyuh and wait on the Ashokon gate to see if we can catch these guys heading back towards Hek. A few minutes later General Shear jumps over and when he uncloaks, I see that he is in his Drake. Tarsas was 1 system over so I call the target and proceed to lock him, set my orbit, and deploy my drones. After watching my drones go at him for a second, and watching his missiles blast my shields away like they were nothing, I am horrified to realize that I am actually stuck inside that gate and haven’t gotten any closer. At this point he has blasted my armor down by about 1/3 and is still 16km away. So I am forced to recall my drones and jump out. Two and a half weeks of war and he is still not fitting a point!

We ended up playing tag over the next few system until one of their new members, who is a 2006 toon, arrived in a T2 fit Caracal. Knowing that I can’t hope to beat them with just my Arbitrator and Tarsas’ Punisher, we give them the slip and jump over to Arnon. There we are amazed to find JTree once again mining away in a retriever in a belt. After a quick D-Scan, we jump over to his belt and proceed to do what we do best (Yarr face). That was his second barge in less than 2 hours! He ended up ragequitting corp shortly after. Funny how that keeps happening .

Hang in there, were almost done and I’ve saved some of the best for last!

So the war is approaching the end of the third week, and we are discussing whether or not to keep the war going. While we have been catching the odd battlecruiser or cruiser, most of our kills at this point are mining ships and such. We would normally keep the war going out of principle until they paid up, but seeing as how were just starting out at this, we are wanting to move on to more fun wars. We agree to keep the war going as long as I can keep stealing stuff.

After talking almost nightly with the guys in 2GIMP on my alt, I started to complain that I never got to play with the guys from NEB, hoping that they might invite me to change corps. Sure enough, Noshoba Itibi, the person I had hung out with the most, and was actually becoming pretty good friends with, offered to let me join 2GIMP so I could stay in the alliance.

This was perfect because not only could I get the entire 2GIMP members list to see if they had any people we didn’t know about, but I would have access to their POSes as well. I knew what system they were in previously but I had never had the opportunity to get inside them. So a short time later, after saying my goodbyes to the NEB guys, I was accepted into 2GIMP. The best part was that because they already knew me, they went ahead and gave me access to the corp hangers! SCORE!

That night after everyone had gone to bed, I headed out to the POS in Hek and liberated it of the Raven that I always saw hanging out there! I even remembered to take a picture of the fit before selling it this time! Check it out:

I sold the ship plus the rigs to my friend for 95 mil this time, while I parted out the fittings for another 10-20. At this point I am beginning to wonder if they will ever notice the ships going missing, and decide that the next theft will be both the Dominix and the Abaddon at the same time, as I was 4 days total from being able to fly both. Unfortunately, my luck couldn’t hold forever, and upon logging in the next day, I found this mail in the alliance tab:

2010.05.04 00:50

Has anyone removed a Drake or Raven from DS9 please resosond imeaditally as we need to know where these ships are

Telsyn
Director NSR

Curses! They finally noticed! O well, it was fun while it lasted. I wasn’t too worried because I had a fall back plan for just such an eventuality. Remember how I had that screenshot and the chatlog of rolfcopter123 offering to sell us the location of the NEB POS? Well I had planned to convo General Shear from Lord Abako and give him that chatlog and screenshot, as I thought what he was doing was messed up. If all went well, I reasoned, they would assume that rolfcopter123 had stolen the ships out of anger and he would take the fall.

Unfortunately, I never got the chance. After getting on the TS and hanging out with my new corpmates for a bit, Noshoba asks me to join him in another channel. Uh oh. I of course follow him and keep playing the innocent noob roll. He then explains to me that they need me to give them my limited API key in the interest of corp security, as it is standard practice. DAMN IT! I was worried this might happen. Because I only have one account, Lord Abako and my alt are of course both visible through my API key. I had been trying to think of what I would do if they asked me for it, but hadn’t thought of anything yet.

“Well shit, the jig is up” I think to myself. I ask my corpies in JUGIS what they think I should do, and I got 1 common answer…. Smash and Grab So I stall for time by pretending to first not know what it is, and then once its explained, be VERY suspicious of it. I’m sure a lot of people were when they first heard of it, because they completely understood me being wary and offered me their API key first so I could try it out and see that it was safe.

I quickly began running to each of the 3 corporate offices that 2GIMP had set up and began emptying out everything I could from their corp hangers. And boy was there a lot. They had stacks of gear for everything you could imagine. Most of it was worthless by itself, but the shear quantity of it made it pretty valuable in the end. They also had hundreds of thousands of rounds of all different kinds and sizes of ammo, including t2 and faction. The stacks of 60 Warrior II and Hobgoblin II were pretty nice as well. I took pictures of the haul from just one of the offices:

You get the idea. There were also 2 other offices with similar hauls. Unfortunately I still didn’t have access to the hangers where the ships or the BPOs were kept, but I had no illusions that I would be given access to those. All in all, the totals from selling off the items gained in corp hanger thefts were just over 370 million. Not bad at all for something I never had planned to do!

After explaining to my corpies in JUGIS what had happened, we went ahead and decided we would not renew the war dec for another week. So I decided that, before getting kicked from the alliance, I would go ahead and make a little announcement in order to have one last laugh. I sent out this mail to the corp, who then forwarded it to the rest of the alliance.

2010.05.04 08:44

I would appreciate it if someone would forward this mail to the rest of the alliance, seeing as I do not have the Communications Officer role and therefore, cannot.

Gentlemen (and ladies),

With the request of an API key from the members of 2GIMP, I am afraid the jig is up and it is time for me to come clean.

Many of you have gotten to know me as ********** over the past few weeks. Sadly, this persona was but a lie. My main characters name is Lord Abako, who Im sure many of you have met numerous times over the past 3 weeks.

I would like to first of all state that Just Us Guys In Space has decided that we will end this war against your alliance, as it will soon start costing us more than it is worth to keep it decced. Tony has made it quite clear that no payment will ever be made. In the past it has been our common practice as TRAPS members to keep anyone decced for as long as it takes, sometimes even months. Sadly with our own new corp being small and lacking numbers and resources, this is simply not possible.

We had a lot of fun with your alliance. Your members, for the most part, are friendly people who offer no smacktalk or any other unpleasantries that can sometime arise from Empire wars. The battles we had were fun and always entertaining.

Sadly as the war drug on, Tony and the leadership elected for a strategy of not fighting AT ALL. Despite the kills we scored on people mining and missioning, we were sad to see no further attempts to resist us (other than a few station camps).

So with no fun to be had on the battlefront, I decided that I would have a bit of personal fun and extract the 500 million we had wanted from your alliances assets. Hence the 2 missing Drakes and the missing Raven. I have also completely emptied the 2GIMP corporate hangers, which I believe total should put it somewhere around 500 million.

The war will be drawing to a close Thursday when the bill is not paid. I am sad that I will never get to see the "plan" that I was told Tony had if we continued the war.

I am being totally honest when I say that, as an alliance, you are all doing a fine job and have a large number of friendly, helpful people who it was a real pleasure to meet. I enjoyed all the time I spent talking with everyone on Teamspeak, as all the laughes and good times were not an act, but real.

I wish you all the best of luck. Fly safe.

************* (AKA Lord Abako)

I decided to give them a little bit of praise there to offset any negative feelings, and because I was genuinely please with the level of professionalism from MOST of their members.

The funniest part in my opinion was the reaction I got from almost everyone in the alliance. I ended up having tons of people sending me convos saying they thought it was hilarious and that I had done an awesome job. WOW! Not exactly what I was expecting. The 2GIMP guys were absolutely cool about it, considering I hadn’t gotten the most valuable stuff. They thought it was an awesome lesson in corp security and actually thanked me. Even the alliance head got on TS and had a good laugh with me. WTF lol. I was definitely not expecting that reaction. They pretty much told me that they had enjoyed hanging out with me too much to stay mad at me and would use it as a learning lesson. Even Telsyn, the guy who owned all the ships I stole, ended up being cool with it, if not slightly pissed off.

With the announcement that the war would be ending soon, the alliance became more active again, allowing us to score some last minute kills hehe. Some of the 2GIMP guys even came out and fought some at my invitation and we ended up scoring a nice Megathron and Retribution kill on the last day of the war.

And so ends what has easily been the craziest war that I have been a part of. Here are the final stats:

So that’s a grand total of 570 million in goods stolen, and 1.28 billion in lost ships. Pretty steep considering we only asked for 500 million to end the war. But most people are still willing to pay much more not to have their pride hurt. Go figure.

Thanks for sticking with me this long and I hope you’ve enjoyed my first ever story for EVE-Pirate. I promise next time to have more screenshots as I didn’t feel this one had enough action shots. Please let me know what you thought, as feedback is always welcome! Good luck and fly safe! o/

Hehe, good story man. Got most of it in there. I wish I could see more of you killing my noobs. I know you got them a few times. But it did get a couple of my guys to stop makeing common sense mistakes, the've stopped getting podded on a daily basis.

I do think you told the story well. Leaving some of those noob killing details out is probly a good thing. Yeah, mwould have been nice had you remembered to take some screen shots early on. I heard there is a contest going on, if so, my vote is for this one. hehe, laters.

I am dissapointed i was never mentioned in this i was in just us guys for about the 2 weeks that it lasted when i joined. Besides the fact of the wardec that corp was a joke to begin with the CEO was never around and everyone in it didnt really know what PVP was. Hehe you gotta love the sandbox for this experiance i was in to show up here.

Very funny story as I've heard about these things happening and causing corps/alliances to close. Nice to know that there are people that are good sports about having a spy in their ranks.
Definatley gonna make sure my corp has a much higher security when the time comes.

Good write up, you dirty double crossing station docking whore. And let it be known that since Abako jacked the stocks of mission loot we have for noob characters to use, he will forever be known as "2GIMPS Biggest Noob" Wear your badge with pride!

This war was my first. In that sense, T'jalve popped more than just my little Punisher, he popped my war loss cherry. I keep telling myself... "Should have gone after those Warrior II's first"

Echoing Abako's words, you FRONT guys are very professional and I had a good time throughout it all and as a newb myself, learned a great deal. I certainly look forward to flying with (or perhaps against ) you all in the future.

good story good story
i was a little mad to see 2gimps hanger go down like that mainly because i knew how much was really in the one hanger lol because i was the one keeping the hanger in order most of the time but ya good war good story lol

still cant believe u stole that many ships and it had taken that long for every one to notice

Very well writen story. I like how you focused on the story-telling and having fun aspects as opposed to making it sound like your some sort of champion for proper conduct in EVE or something like I've seen in some postings on this site .>

When on earth did I ever claim that we were mercs? We certainly are not and don't make any attempts to claim that we are. Please quote the exact part that made you think this, as I wouldn't want to have something be unclear.

I have been a proud member of 2GIMP for a few weeks. Orb insisted I read your account. When I started I had little respect for you -- after all, you WERE the enemy! That quickly changed. Your comment about one guy needing to train Spelling & Punctuation to level I made me spew coffee all over my screen.

Your account showed me the absolute necessity of maintaining corp security as well as give me many ideas about adapting the tactics you mentioned.

I've been training EVE noobs for about six months. From now on this story will be at the top of my 'required reading' list.