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Friday, 24 March 2017

The Chronicles Of A Middle-Aged Vampire- Part 11

I smiled back at this odd man. "Please, what am I now? What can I expect? Donnie said you believed this is a virus?" I shuddered, "Like Ebola? Will I be putting my daughter at risk?"

The doctor grinned: "Only if you fail to acquire the necessary discipline and snack on her. Which - by the way - is considered bad form!"

I remembered Frank and smiled wanly - "Indeed...Very rude..."

"The first thing to remember is that you are NOT evil. Who you are has not changed, you are not a minion of the Devil. You have a symbiotic relationship with a very unusual and complex virus. A virus that brings substantial benefits in exchange for a little blood."

"Donnie said once a week?"

"For optimum maintenance, yes. But if you need to fast you can do so safely for up to a month." he paused, and continued carefully, "But it is not advisable. The hunger becomes uncontrollable and that is when accidents happen."

"Accidents?"

"Gorging on a donor, and killing the poor thing."

"A donor..." Charming. "There are volunteers? We have access to a blood bank?"

The doctor looked uncomfortable. "Alas no. Blood banks don't work. The symbiont requires the blood straight from the source. As for donors..." He sighed, "I suppose it is an euphemism, though in some outré Clubs there are people cutting each other and drinking the blood. But those are not vampires, and the practise is most unhygienic."

"So how will I feed? Even once a week?"

"We all have a system. Some use strangers they engage in sexual congress; others have regulars they visit - friends or relatives who unknowingly provide sustenance... Every vampire finds a way - as all creatures, we do what we must to survive."

Lovely! I suddenly saw myself trolling for flabby middle-aged men at the corner pub on Saturday nights.

"And the fangs?"

He drew back his upper lip to show some decidedly imposing incisors. "As you see! They take time to grow, though. A few months, so until then it is wise to invest in a high-quality surgical steel broad-bore veterinarian needle to extract your sustenance."

"What? Do you just stick it in their necks?"

"Well, for discretion, I suggest the groin area. There are some major vessels easily accessible in the upper inner thigh, and people don't usually scrutinise their own genitals. A puncture wound in the neck, though traditional, is not recommended."

Better and better! From now on I would be snuffling at groins for arteries and sucking up blood...
Oh joy! Crotch-rot and arse-breath! I suddenly burst into tears.

"I'd rather be dead," I wailed, "Dead, do you hear! Decently, respectfully dead! Dead with dignity, not slavering at crotches for eternity!"