Category Archives: Because of Love

In recent years, my wife started taking up photography, in about two years, she’d, ruined three cameras, even the one that I had, I’d, contributed to her, and, in no more than a year, it’d, “retired” too.

Whether if it’s out on a trip, or just, strolling in the Botanical Gardens, my wife would always carry a camera with her, she’d looked, then, taken the shots, some of the scenes, don’t look that vital to me, she’d be too focus, documenting it, like she’d, become a field researcher, or a photography news reporter or something.

like what this young child is doing??? Photo from online…

She’d mostly taken photos of the weeds, the flowers, a small flower, she could use various angles, distance, and shoot so many shots, it’s a wonder, that the longevity of her cameras is less than a year. But, what my wife loved photographing the most, are the shadows, and so, I’d, nicknamed her a “shadow” fanatic. Any shadow, to her, looked intriguing, the plants’ shadows at the Botanical Gardens, she’d wanted to take shots of, said there are spots, that you don’t normally see; the reflection of the large tree outside the Yun-Shuan Sun Memorial on the windows of the mansions close by, she’d felt they’d, swayed with the wind, that it was, beautiful, surely, a shot. As we’d walked across the bridge, and, our reflections were imprinted into the waters, she’d, taken shots of; the egrets, the birds waiting by the pond, looking for the fish at the Da-An Forest Park, a must.

There were, too many photos she’d taken shots of, I can’t recall them all. But, once we’d sat at a café inside the Wenzhou Street alleys, there was a Chinese parasol tree, with the leaves growing in fully, the afternoon sun shone through the leaves, landed outside the walls of the café, the wind blew, and the shadows, they’d swayed. I’d, compared the photos she’d taken, and suddenly, understood why the older eras of Chinese people called it “the Shades of Light”; the sun and the shadows they changed, with the times of day.

Thinking on it, my wife, the photographer, must’ve thought, that in the instants of the shadows that changed, capturing it with her camera, would turn it into eternity.

With this photography fanatic at my house, and so, as I saw the potted plants on the lanai, the shadows, reflected onto the doors, I’d immediately, called her to it.

And so, this woman loved the look of the shadows, and, she’d taken up this hobby that’s good for her, and, her preferences in photography is unique, only to her.

She was mine, a child, lost in time, and time has, its, death-grip around her throat, slowly, suffocating her, choking her, into that slow death.

She was mine, a child, lost in time, the one who’d, never had the chance of being “formed”, and yet, I still, loved (in the past), love (in the present tense!) her so very much, simply because, she was, mine, and there need not be, any other reasons.

She was mine, a child, lost in time, and, she’d, drowned slowly, in the river of time, and, there was, nothing I could do, but to, kneel by the riverbeds, and cried all my tears, and my tears, in turn, formed another, grander river, then the river of time, my child had been, drowned to death in.

She was mine, a child, lost in time, the one who’d, never made it, the one who’d been dead, way before her time! And, there was still, NOTHING I could’ve done, or can do about this death that I’d been carrying, since 2008………

She was mine, a child, lost in time, and, in lost time’s embrace, I know, she’ll, grow up safe and sound, and besides, it’s better, that my daughter stays DEAD, because this world is so full of FUCKING shit, and I surely as HELL wouldn’t want what had happened to me, to happen to her too!

She was mine, a child, lost in time, and, time shall, keep her safe and sound, untouched, and, she wouldn’t lose her innocence as I did, when I was, a very young child myself………

Finding out why, and, letting go of that feeling of being betrayed, realizing, that what the adults in your life did, was what they thought was, best for you, translated…

Ever since I could recall, I’d lived alone, with my mother in Korea, we’d never spent, a day apart. Later, I’d come to Taiwan to study, to marry, to have children, and settled down in Taipei, with my mother there, by my side. But, shortly after she passed, my former classmates from Korea sent me a weird news: there were, a couple of Koreans who were, desperately, searching for me, and claimed that they were, my relatives.

How’s that possible? Am I, zoomed in, by the international scam artists?

From before when there was only a small circle of Asians we’d associated ourselves with, there’s, that invisible sense of pride from being Chinese, that was, that sense of superiority of being Chinese, not wanting to be with the Koreans, we were, living, on someone else’s land, but felt, that they were, second class citizens. This weird belief, showed the most when someone is arguing with an Asian person, when we only needed to blurt out, “You looked like a Korean!”, it was, the biggest sort of insult to the individual, and, the person you’re arguing with will totally get outraged when you’d called them that.

like this family??? Photo from online…

Growing up in this sort of an atmosphere, I’d only begged to pass the Korean language exams, and, every other course in high school, I’d made straight A’s, only Korean, I’d scored toward the bottom; and, my communication abilities was just enough, for me to use when I go shopping in the marketplaces.

When the Korean who’d come met me to show me he was related to me, he’d provided the adoption papers, and photos of me as a young child, mailed everything to me, and, all of those, “evidences” proved, that I was, a Korean, heads down!

Isn’t it outrageous, thinking that I was, Chinese all along, and then, I turned out to be, Korean? This was, the biggest kind of irony. I refused to admit that I was, Korean, I hated that classmate who’d, exposed me for who I was, and I’d, hated my birthmother, for giving me up for adoption.

After six months’ worth of struggles, my second eldest sister kept making those international calls to care for me, and, repeatedly, sent the presents to my husband and my two children, and my heart finally, started, to disarm itself, and finally agreed to, meet with them.

In the city of Suwon, I’d finally, met my five sisters and my younger brother. All these middle-aged uncles and aunts, as they’d, described of the hardship and trials they’d weathered through in life, I’d not heard a single word of complaint, their persistence, optimism, passion, comparing to my own prejudices, my aloofness, my dissatisfactions, made me so ashamed I wanted to find a hole to hide in.

What right had I, to hold my prejudices against Koreans? And, why can’t I understand, the pains and hardships my mother who’d carried me for ten whole months, and know how trying it must’ve been, for her, to give me up for adoption? Had it been not my birthfather’s death when he was way too young, had it not been my mother being too young, and needed to remarry, had it not been for my second eldest sister crying for one whole weeks at my adopted mother’s home, and got “returned”, and I got sent up for adoption, my fate would’ve been, so totally, different, how could I have gotten to live as an only child, cherished, sent to Taiwan for my college years, to become a teacher, to meet a good man, and marry and have children.

or this??? Photo from online…

And now, both my mothers had passed, but the love they had for me, was enough, to last me, my whole life. Toward my birthmother, other than being grateful, there’s, that extra understanding; for my adoptive mother, other than, being grateful, there’s that sense of, missing her forever!

And so, it’s all due to fate, that this had, happened, and, back when you were a child, you may not understand WHY it was, that you were, given up for adoption, and perhaps, you’d carried the resentments toward your birthparents, for giving you up, and your adoptive parents, to keeping the truth from you, but, as you got older, and started your own family, you’d, realized, that given the situations of your past, all those adults did what they thought was, best for you, and, you’d become, grateful, for having everything that you have in life…

The cycle of kindness, also rolls down continually, from one person, to the next, we need more stories like these, especially at this day and age! Translated…

The rain came pouring down on my exercise walk, I’d rushed into the breakfast shops to hide out, the shop owner’s mother in her seventies ushered me in, and she’d, taken out a yellow raincoat from the closets, for me to put on, her act of kindness had, warmed up my heart.

As the rain slowly dissipat4ed, as I was, about to, return the raincoat, she’d started telling me the funny things that happened to her while she was on a trip to the eastern side of the island. A couple of years ago, she’d gone to Hualien to travel during the New Year’s holidays with her family, and, the trip was a spur of the moment thing, and, she’d only worn the short sleeves and shorts, and, the cold fronts made everybody shiver, and so, they can only, run back into the cars to hide, they’d not gone anywhere.

And, a woman who was standing at the side of the road saw, she’d immediately gone home, brought a ton of clothes for them to choose from, waited until the seven, eight adults and children had, selected the thick coats and smiled and said their thank yous, they’d wanted to ask her address, so they can send the clothe back, but, the woman turned them down. She’d told them, that her kids are all grown and lived elsewhere, that the clothes were just, taking up space in her home. And, every time after that, as the family saw the clothes, they’d always, smiled on it, and, remembered the kindness from the woman, who’d given them the coats to wear.

In order to keep the love flowing, the breakfast shop also gathered some donated clothes for the comers to borrow, other than keeping the shop connected with the local communities, it’s, a way of repaying the woman for her kindness. As I’d heard, I thought, maybe I can write this tale down, or maybe, by chance, that kindhearted woman that the family met in Hualien will see, that her kindness had become, a cycle already.

And so, this, is how some random act of kindness had touched so many lives, and, by passing the kindness to the strangers that came to the breakfast shop, the owner is keeping the kindness that was shown to her and her family flowing, and we need more stories like this in the world we live in right now!

On changing tracks, not knowing, if you’d, made the right choices in life or not! Translated…

Life flew by too fast, it’d been six months, since my return back to Puli, this small town to live. The me a decade ago, or even, just two years ago, I’d never imagined a life like this for me.

Being on the rise through school and into the workforce, I’d entered into my first-choice schools locally, and entered into my top choices of university, after I graduated, I’d started working as an engineer in the well-known high-tech companies in Taipei. I’d worked very hard, and my abilities gotten the attention of the boss, in a few short years, I’d gotten promoted, and raises too. Back then, I’d imagined, that ten years later, I should be a high-end manager in the workforce, and would go on business trips to Europe and America often.

like this???the roadsigns of your life…

And now, I’d, walked with difficulties, with my pregnant belly, travelled on foot, delivering the goods that my clients ordered, and pondering, what I needed to update onto my website to sell when I arrived home.

A few years ago, I’d gotten married for a while, as my husband and I started thinking about when to have children, and how we’re going to take care of our kids after they were born. Both working as engineers in the high-tech companies, after subtracting the time for sleep away, there were only, about two hours in the late hours of the nights we can, save for ourselves. We didn’t want to be missing out on the coming of age of our young, so, a change in track was needed. And, something had, happened at home then, after careful considerations, we’d decided to quit our jobs, return back home, and my husband started working in the field, and I, started setting up my online shop.

Recalling how back when I’d just graduated from graduate school, my dad asked me if I wanted to take the public offices examinations. Back then, I was so satisfied with my own life, full of confidence, didn’t consider, that the life of a government office worker wouldn’t suit me well. But now, as my shop online just got set up, I’d had an unstable source of income, and I’d found those job openings in the areas of Puli, and I’d, wanted, to kick myself. After I’d left Taipei, Hsinchu, and Tainan, cities with the larger scale technology companies, it’s like, I’d, whited out my past work experiences. As I’d passed the post offices, along with Taipower offices, I couldn’t help but wondered, if I’d, only taken the government post exams.

imagine how different life can turn out for you…photo from online…

At the age of thirty, for the sake of my family, my life took a sharp turn, and I can’t tell yet, whether if it’s going to be good or bad, but I believe, that so long as I carried the heart I’d had before, worked hard, I can totally, find a brand new direction in life again.

And so, this, is a huge life-changing situation you’re, faced with now, isn’t it? You’d quit your government job, to chase your dreams, so you can have more time with your young, to not miss out in their coming of age, and, although you’re, unsure of whether or not you’d, made the correct choices in life, your life knows where it’s, taking you.

In three years’ time, he’d only spoken twice. Light, a tall and strong boy, diagnosed, with severe autism.

The first time I set my eyes on him, I could tell that he was different, Light’s mom told me nervously, “He’s of normal intelligence, very mild tempered, especially interested in animals and plants, would not attack others without provocation………” Light gazed outside the window, toward the white sunlight, squinted his eyes, lost in thought, not saying a single word to me.

“Light, what are you looking at?”, “Light!”, that, was the only word he’d spoken, in that first year.

He’d gone to a regular high school, with the focus in competitions and entering into college, it was, truly, hard and trying for him. He clearly fell behind the rest, in the classes, he’d sat, silent, like a statue, mild mannered and behaving, with the gazes seeming like he was deep in thought, and those lips that are forever sealed up. As his classmates said hi to him, he’d just sat, silent, and observed. The teacher worked hard, to try to get him to open up, Light just sat quietly and listened, without any responses. This silent child, never spoke a word.

The schedule became busy in his second year of high school, Light became like a wood carved figure, followed closely behind his classmates, and, imitated their movements, without any facial expressions, like a grain of sand that existed outside the space and the time. Only one class, on the relationship between humans and animals and plants, Light lifted up his head, and, a smile seemed to have, curled up his lips. Then, quickly enough, he’d become, statuesque again. After class, I’d asked him on purpose, “Light, do you like animals and plants?” “Flower!”, and that, was the only word of reply he’d given in his second year of high school.

The last year’s academic pressures had caused every one of his fellow classmates to be wind up tightly, and Light still trekked between the classes, silently. On the day of graduation, Light’s mom got all dressed up and came. “Thanks to the teachers and the classmates’ tolerating him. The future? We’re still thinking on it, thank you all for caring for him so.”

I’d placed the present into Light’s hands, “Light, this, is a graduation gift from me.” Looking at that thickened volume of plant encyclopedia, Light’s eyes twinkled, it was, vague, but I had, caught the light. Light didn’t say thank you, just gave me a slight nod, he’d followed behind his mom, walked out of the school silently.

I don’t know how this kid will walk through his life, I knew, that parents, teachers, as well as his classmates are merely passengers in his life. And, everybody gave a helping hand when we’d met up, showed him the care and concerns, and, at the time of parting, we can only say our silent prayers and blessings, hoped, that the passengers in the next parts of his life can use a heart of gentleness, warmth, to accompany this unique child.

I believe, that so long as love is shared between people, that there’s this warmth, every Light in the world, will be touched, by strangers who cherished, and treated them well.

And so, this, is the wishes of a teacher for her student, and, because this student is autistic, he relates to the world around him in his own way, and, his classmates, his teachers had shown him tolerance for it, and allowed him to take his own time, not pushed him into socializing the “normal” way, and, we can only wish and hope, that this kid is going to be just as lucky and blessed, as he go through the rest of his life.

My friend’s child, Wen, didn’t do well in elementary school, as he’d gone into middle school, he didn’t perform that well at all either, but, he had good character, and is very well behaved; but, because of his low grades, he was put into a class of rejects, my friend was completely disappointed, and, as her relatives, friends went to visit her, none of them DARED mentioned this to her—Wen became the buried landmines in the conversations with my friend.

Before graduation, the teachers at his school expected, that he won’t get into a regular public high school, so instead, Wen worked hard, to get into a technical high school, and gladly, he was able to get into a public technical high school.

After getting into technical high school, Wen was no longer a member of the class of rejects, instead, he’d become one of the gifted and talented students from his school, this made his father feel proud of him, finally! In the interning factories of his school, he made the products very well, and his instructors were all in awe, “Genius!”, and, this became Wen’s nickname, and he’d also become the student tutor, showing the other students how to operate the machinery, and, he’d scored first place in his academics of his entire grade too. During the time Wen was studying, he’d even received the championship trophy for the national technical competitions, after his technical high school career, he’d passed through the entrance exams, entered into the Industrial Education Majors of the Teachers’ University, and, Wen’s father became even more proud.

During his college career, Wen made high marks for his academic classes, as well as in his internship programs, he was able to get into his alma mater’s graduate department, after he earned his master’s degree, he’d gone back to the technical high school he attended to teach, during the time he was teaching there, he’d gotten numerous patents, and published a ton of theses, was voted as the most outstanding youth in the nation. Later on, he became the person in charge of the school affairs, and passed the examinations for becoming a school principal, and, he’s counting down the days to when he could fill the post of a school principal.

Seeing how a child, who worried his father because he didn’t make good enough grades, to how he’d turned into an excellent school instructor, who SAYS that students from a class of rejects couldn’t do well?

Because this man was able to find the area he was interested in, and he was motivated, and worked real hard, that, was how he was able to succeed in life, and that still just tells you, that it doesn’t matter IF you don’t make the grades in school earlier on in life, so long as you’re willing to work hard, you CAN achieve!