The Guy with The 131 Pound Scrotum, Day 232, So Close in The Year of Fun.

1. The Joke You Told When You Were Eight Day.

2. That Character is Totally Like Me. — Watching Downfall or 101 Dalmatians.

3. The Tragedy Channel — Depressing Shows about Horrific Tragedies That All End with the Tagline: See You’ve Got Nuthin’ to Complain About, Sad Sack, So Go Outside and Cheer Up, Ya Big Watery Pile of Shit. (Read by The Only Surviving Character.)

2. Multi-Tasking Entertainment Matching Service. What to Watch When Listening to Podcasts. What to Play While Watching TV and Listening to Podcasts. Your ‘During Sex’ Entertainment Opportunities. Sleep Cram Netflix.

3. When Stuck in a ‘What If Scenario,’ Add One of These ‘What If’s’
— What If My Neighbor Was a Serial Killer Who Killed with Kindness?
— What If I Didn’t Eat at Long John Silvers?
— What If All These What If Scenarios Polluting My Thoughts Were Buried at a Secret Mars Base on The Moon?

Don’t forget, only a few more weeks left in underwear and running shoes season.

2. Pour One Out for All the Forgotten Jokes, Missed Opportunities and Awkward Misunderstandings of the Day. Tomorrow, My Frenemies. Tomorrow.

3. Seriously, Just Make Stuff Up About That Book You Read. Nobody Will Check and Nobody Cares. — How We’ll Be Perceived As Smart as Prescribed in the New Book ‘Nobody’s The Loser in This Smiling Contest.’

* Although, That Baby Definitely Won That Smiling Contest By A Wide (Wait for It) Smile.

3. The Uncooker. It Uncooks. Hey, This Tuna Casserole is Burnt Like a Pile of Roofing Tiles. Uncook It. Uncook It? Yeah, Put It in Here, Like This, Rotate and (Bing) Uncook It.! Ooooooooohhh. Now This Tuna is Fresh Like Flipper. Uncook It. No More Unintentional Cajun Cuisine. Uncook It First. — An Infomercial from The Future.