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Jokes by Amy Schumer

Amy Schumer on Growing Up Jewish

The kids didn’t call me Amy Schumer. They called me Amy Jewmer. One summer — I’ll never forget this — all the kids took turns throwing handfuls of pennies at me. I know! I was like, ‘Excuse me… this is awesome!’

Amy Schumer on Kid’s Parties

There’s nothing more awkward than going to the first birthday party of a little girl when you told her mom to get rid of her. Because the kid can tell. “Here’s Tickle Me Elmo!” She’s like, “Fuck you!” I stand by my decision.

Amy Schumer on Self Esteem

I usually feel pretty good about myself. I know what I look like. You’d bang me, but you wouldn’t blog about it. You won’t be Twittering “You won’t believe who I’m inside.” It’s fine.