Archives for August 2018

I went to sleep Sunday night in a grim mood and, despite sleeping well, woke up more or less the same way. Except with the benefit of a crystal clear dream, something that eventually motivated me.

The rest of the day was, in fact, just another Manic Monday, though in the dream I was not kissing Valentino by a crystal blue Italian stream.

The dream was just a short little thing about social media, what to do when I wake up, and some big wishes finally coming true. (Sometimes my dreams are more like glyphs than storyboards, ok, just go with it.)

Today was the kind of day when I needed a pep talk, and I was frustrated that nobody was around to offer one. I don’t have Monday morning staff meetings or a manager who gives me feedback or even children at home whose mood and radiant lines of success might give an indication about my own. I have lots of beloved animals, but their feedback is, let’s face it, pretty narrow in scope. They know nothing about my life goals or spiritual path or overarching, you know, peopley stuff.

Normally happy way deep down in my bones and on fire, especially in the early mornings, today I just went through the motions for a few hours, doing the normal basic Monday tasks. Then went for a run.

My mind was a maelstrom of negative thoughts, so much so that by the end of eight miles my face was as wet from crying as from the rain.

Because of course it rained all day on a Monday when I was feeling super pissed, haha.

Normally I love the rain. Anyway.

But for the dream that warned me about something as much as it encouraged me about some promises, I might have vented on Facebook. Instead, I breathed deeply for many hours and just tried to keep steady.

It had been a while since I felt the need to fake it till I make it. But a lightbulb went off.

Maybe it doesn’t have to be fake. Maybe at vulnerable times, we can simply choose a better thought. Take a deep breath, acknowledge the bummer feelings, then turn to embrace something better.

I’m a sucker for words and, in fact, believe they hold a lot of actual power. So I tried something. I just started writing down the annoying phrases that had consumed me all morning and reworked them into more constructive versions of the “truth.”

I feel smothered. I am loved and needed.

There’s too much to do, it’s never-ending. Life is full and beautiful.

I’m gaining weight and don’t feel good. We have enjoyed a relaxing summer and food is plentiful.

When will this nightmare end? God is in control.

Everything is such a far drive away. We have the private oasis we need and love.

Medical marijuana in Oklahoma? Are you KIDDING me?? People who need it will get the help they need.

I will never qualify for Boston at this freaking rate. There is no time limit on good health.

I miss her so much, this is killing me. God has reconnected you once before. He will do it again.

And so forth. I scribbled for a long time.

What struck me after a while was that the new, more pleasant versions actually seemed truer. More accurate. The darker phrases looked ugly and distorted.

Life really is great. Things are way better than they seem at times. And that was the nutshell of my personal pep talk to myself today.

The next time you need a pep talk and no one is around to offer it, try this exercise. Write down all the things that are ruffling your feathers and convert them forcibly, harnessing the power of words.

Choose a better path. Fake it for just a minute. You will make it.

“Perpetual optimismis a force multiplier.”~Colin PowellXOXOXOXO

Spread the Word

Because, as always, life is bursting with long, deep, worthwhile stories but also, therefore, are my days too full to properly tell them all, how about a quick look at cell phone snapshots from the previous few days? I’ll hit the high points.

Oklahoma Weather: Depending on your perspective and chosen activity, our weather lately has been either gloriously cool and wet or murderously humid. You have to admit, though, it is wonderful to be a week and a half deep in August sunshine and see the ponds and lakes overflowing instead of burning up to cracked-apart mudholes as so often happens this time of year. And we could easily be in triple digits again. Yes, we have mosquitoes, and yes, running and working outdoors can be challenging; but the gardens are bonkers! The hay meadows are lush and heavy with big round bales, freshly cut. And the Lazy W chickens are sure happy, too. Egg production is up from 4 per day to 11 or 13. I’ll take it!

Nourishment:So much great food. Every day I am learning more details and themes about what my body needs to feel great and not only get the most from my workouts (so different right now) but also stay feeling amazing for the rest of the workday.

Except for Tuesday, when I ate one million and a half cashews (fail number one), and Wednesday, when I let myself get too hungry during the thunderstorms and ate a third of a box of Triscuits (fail number two), I have paid good attention to nutrients and the size of my meals and just overall stressing way less about stuff. I will write more about this in an upcoming health post, but the whole shift away from running has kind of messed with my mind a little.

The photo below was from Monday, our traditional weekly pasta meal. Whole wheat noodles (LOVE them) with fresh garden tomatoes, mushrooms, zucchini, and some shredded chicken breast. Add garden fresh basil, obviously. So filling and tasty! And I felt that ticklish, content feeling while eating it with no regrets later. Unlike the day I inhaled the truckload of cashews.

Shameless Sweaty Selfie: Taken after a particularly exhilarating 9-mile run, fasted but well hydrated. Behold the blotchy skin and copious amounts of sweat. This was only one of two times this week that running felt really great, so I had to capture the moment. The funny thing was that my pace was only about 20 seconds per mile off from the day before when I felt like I was literally going to die, but this run was like flight. Bouncy, strong, filled with that lemon-juice-and-trampoline energy, you know? Endorphin City. (My car was parked.)

New Farm Animal Alert: Oh I forgot to tell you guys we adopted a big strong gorgeous boxing kangaroo! Smiling is his favorite. We love him so much it hurts a little.

And for the grand finale…

Jessica Turns 21: This is certainly one of those milestones that begs a long, fully explored, detailed writing. And I have tried, believe me. While writing for a few hours twice lately, attempting to wrangle the emotion, most of the words got stuck somewhere between my ribcage and my hands. Finally, it seemed like the words that did make it out were meant more for her, privately, And that’s ok. I know most people will understand that. But here is a snapshot of the three of us at dinner this Thursday, a very happy moment in the midst of a very happy life. And look at the words above our heads!! We got our baby back.

And I know in my heart that soon Joc will be joining us in these special moments. I feel it. We believe it.

Okay, onward to the next interesting project!! Handsome is home early today spraying paint on his big behemoth Cadillac. Klaus (the kangaroo) is napping between bouts of fetch and llama chasing. I have a pile of excellent things to do.

What is new in your world? What snapshots from your cell phone could tell some pretty great stories?