Let's lay the controversy to rest once and for all: pigeons can count things just like monkeys can. Are you happy now? Oh thank god. We thought your depression would never lift. Myrtle—come in here! It's happened at last!

When I say "fluid dynamics," you probably say, "Fuck off, Poindexter." But when I say "let's visualize fluid dynamics with the help of a two-horsepower blender, well, then you say "Please, let go of my hand, I'll do anything you ask."

Is it time to overhaul the calendar so it matches the length of the Earth year more precisely? Let's not and say "Who dat who dat who dat who dat who dat who dat who, who dat who dat who dat trying to get up in my crew," to the tune of that JT Money song ("Who Dat").