Holiday Hell For Tourists in Egypt

An elderly couple jetted off to Egypt for their dream holiday - but ended up in a nightmare after the nation rose up as one to expel them.

Hosni Mubarak, 82, and his wife Suzanne, 69, travelled to Cairo for a ‘trip of a lifetime’ in 1981, but now a million Egyptians have marched on their hotel demanding they leave the country.

'Holiday from hell doesn't do it justice,' said Mr Mubarak. 'All the tours have been cancelled, there's no fresh fruit and we haven't got a wink of sleep thanks to the incessant chanting.'

'It's been very distressing for Hosni,' said Mrs Mubarak, 'He was so looking forward to this vacation, but now people are burning his effigy in the streets.'

The couple, both keen embezzlers, were promised a life-long stay of sun, sea and human rights violations, and are suing their travel agents, the Central Intelligence Agency.

A spokesman for the CIA said, 'The Middle East is one of our biggest and most popular resorts. Whilst we recognise that any level of rebellion is unacceptable to despots we install, the proportion who are overthrown remains very low.'

Mr Mubarak said he was collecting statements from other iron-fisted tyrants who had suffered similar problems.

'The Tunisian elite, several Balkan mass-murderers - we all booked the same 'Discover...Puppet Regimes' package,' he said. 'Our friend took the 'Indescribable Iraq' tour and was promised 5 star accommodation, but after 23 years the holiday reps moved him into a hole. Then they hanged him. That's not a satisfactory level of service by anyone's standards.'

The Mubaraks say they will visit Disneyland for their next break. 'Mickey Mouse still gets a daily parade,' said Mrs Mubarak, 'and he's been refusing free and fair elections in the Magic Kingdom for over 50 years.'