The road out of abuse and toxic relationships is longer or shorter, depending on you and the way you look at the world. Most of the folks I’ve talked with about abuse, had trouble enjoying life, feeling the pleasures that life has to offer and even being their own cheerleaders when they succeeded at something.

This is an absolutely normal thing. We were invalidated by our abusive parents since birth and weren’t allowed to feel, much less feel pleasure or excitement in life. It is sad but remember that our parents weren’t able to enjoy themselves either.

They accepted the message from their own parents that they’re broken, rotten, unworthy of love. And that, if they ever do something to enjoy life, they will feel guilty and sad. They will be confused that they are happy while their family is wallowing in misery or illness.

Have you ever wondered why are your parents narcissists? And, if they do such a bad job at parenting, why in the world they chose to become parents in the first place? Wouldn’t they know they must not have the necessary skills required to take care of a child who’s so needy for love and attention?

To answer all these questions, we must go back to your parents’ childhoods.

If you know a bit about your parents, then you must know they didn’t grow up happy and fulfilled. Your parents must have been taught by their own parents that their existence does not matter. That they are not worthy of love and affection. Maybe they were even abused physically or/and emotionally. There is a high probability that your mom was a victim of her own mother or father during the early years.

The scariest thing about a panic attack is that, it shows up like a hurricane when the sun is shinning and the birds are singing in the trees. Meaning that, it can strike even when you’re enjoying life and think that you got it all figured it out: during work, while you’re exchanging vows with your future husband or as you walk up to Empire State Building.

Most people I talk to online who struggle with the cycle of panic attacks don’t know what helps and, they are most likely not told by their doctors what is wrong with them. I wish that we lived in a world where, if you were rushed to the hospital with a panic attack, the doctor would take your hand, sit you down and let you unleash all your demons until you’ve calmed down.

The most important thing you can do for your self-esteem while you’re recovering from a toxic relationship is to set boundaries.

I wrote about setting boundaries before but people have sent me emails asking about this subject. I get it. It is not easy to learn about boundaries especially if you’re coming from a toxic family background.

The problem arises when, something critical happens in your life that forces you to learn your limits. You are in a bad job that drives you mad, your boyfriend cheats on you, or, worse, you discover that your mother suffers from narcissism and there’s no cure for it.

After a long, arduous relationship with a toxic person, all you want is to start the recovery process as soon as possible.

You’ll also feel like all hope is lost and if you meet another narcissist again, you’re gonna isolate yourself from humanity because you’ve had it.

Many adult children of narcissists have their first toxic relationship in their childhood. These innocent children don’t know that they grow up with a mother who doesn’t truly love them.

They believe their mom loves them because they heard that all mothers must love their children. They all have that maternal instinct that lights up whenever the child is around.

Maybe this belief will be kept alive all their lives. Or maybe, with the help of therapy, they learn to let go and understand that a narcissistic parent can’t and won’t love them.

In The Sopranos, the TV show that accurately portrays a narcissistic mother and her co-dependent children, we are shown different types of relationships. And they’re all toxic. Mother-son, husband-wife, father-children, brother-sister, grandmother-children and so on.

One of the most shocking relationships that the main character, Tony, had was the one with independent but fragile Gloria Trillo.

I never dreamed of living in a country with warm weather year-around until I moved to freezing Finland. This Nordic country that shares its international boundaries with Russia in the east and Norway and Sweden in the north-west sees harsh and long winters each year.

The winter 2016 was the longest I’ve experienced in my life. It snowed this month as well and, at this very moment I’m thinking of purchasing long-sleeve blouses and socks, just to make sure the low temperature won’t take me by surprise next month as well.

There are many studies that link good mental health with warm weather. As you can imagine life in Finland gets quite challenging in November when the long darkness settles and the chilly air slips under your skin. It is not unheard-of that Finns (and foreigners alike) have to start a course of antidepressants at the beginning of winter just to cope with the weather changes.

Have you woken up one day realizing that you’re living the life of the weather man in the Groundhog Day movie?

Do you attract the same type of partner who criticizes you or makes you feel small and undeserving of love? Do you make the same friends who don’t support you and your goals?

If you do, then you’re not alone. Some of the folks I’ve spoken with about narcissistic abuse have gone from a toxic relationship to another. They find themselves surrounded by people who confirm their biggest fear: that they are indeed unworthy of love.

Being an adult child who struggled with narcissistic abuse in their own family is a tough thing! This kind of upbringing paves the way to a life lacking in self-love, confidence, a sense of self and stability.

The main feeling that narcissistic abuse survivors deal with is that of not being worthy. They don’t feel worthy of having a good life, of getting married to a wonderful person and living the life of their dreams.

Unfortunately, this nasty feeling has been instilled in us for so long that we don’t doubt it anymore. It is natural for us to feel unworthy all the damn time about everything. If you were raised by a narcissist, you understand what I’m talking about.