How to be lady – or at least look like one

What we can learn about style and etiquette from the women of Downton Abbey.

Society has changed dramatically in the past 100 years. We’ve survived two world wars, women have gained the right to vote and we now have emoji.

Because of this, watching Downton Abbey can feel a bit like gazing into a quaint but very distant past. A pair of harem pants can still divide a household (was Sybil the original Man Repeller?), but it’s hard to imagine most grown adults employing a person to do up their cufflinks.

In spite of our more progressive attitudes (and sad dearth of jaunty hats), Julie Lamberg-Burnet, Director of the Sydney School of Protocol, says we are not so different from our Edwardian ancestors – at least, not when it comes to etiquette.

While social rules have altered dramatically, understanding what they are is as crucial to social success as it was back then.

“Feeling confident and at ease in company is really one of the most important parts of interacting with others,” says Lamberg-Burnet.

“Now, because society is so much less structured, people are sometimes confused about what is and isn’t appropriate.”

Here, we ask the etiquette expert to weigh in on some social and style rules from the Downton era and update them for a modern-day lady of leisure.

Telephones are a disgusting but necessary inconvenience

According to Lamberg-Burnet, this rule still holds true.

“People have forgotten how to have face to face conversations and we’ve all become very reliant on using digital communication to speak to each other. We’ve become quite dislocated.”

She adds that one should “never put their phone on the dinner table” and that a written thank-you note always has more impact than a text or call.

Make-up is for prostitutes and actresses

There’s a good reason the Downton ladies are so fresh faced – rouge and lipstick were the hallmarks of a harlot, or worse, a thespian.

“Today, make-up can enhance your appearance in a business and social context,” says Lamberg-Burnet. “It can play a central role in making a good first impression.”

There are, however, a few things to bear in mind.

“Remember to refresh your look every now and again to keep your make-up modern. It’s easy to get stuck in a rut, so if you’re not sure what suits you, go to the beauty counter for some expert tips and advice.”

Don’t wear black or red to a wedding

“There used to be a lot of rules about what you could and couldn’t wear to a wedding,” says Lamberg-Burnet.

“I don’t think colour restrictions apply any more, but the key guideline is that you shouldn’t attempt to out-do the bride or groom. Don’t try to make too big a statement and remember that it's better to be dressed up than dressed down."