Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Life is Currently One Big Question Mark

I think I've started to come down from my optimistic high.

I've signed the severance package, applied for unemployment and have visited every doctor imaginable before my insurance runs out. I've renewed my passport, organized my desk at home and brainstormed story ideas to pitch elsewhere. Every time someone offers their "I'm sorry" to the news, I pipe in with an, "It's ok! I'll be fine!"

I've been going, going, going and last night it finally hit me: I'm unemployed. (Talk about slow.) What the hell am I going to do now?

Yes, I know. "Anything." Or at the very least "many things." But having an open road before me is paralyzing. Where do I even begin? How do I keep from falling in a rut? What happens if I go down one path and it's the wrong one? What if I'm not good enough to make it?

I've never been the one to set concrete goals, just vague ideas of what I'd like to accomplish before I die. My reasoning is this: plans fall through and things usually have this roundabout way of happening for me. I guess it would help to at least have a clear-cut plan for the next few months, but with all these other things I'm busy worrying about (insurance, bills, eating enough), it's hard to focus on what I should do next.

I guess we'll see what happens. Right now I'm just feeling a bit discouraged, overwhelmed and confused. Maybe tomorrow's story will be different.

18 comments
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You are probably going to go through every emotion before you come to some peace and sit down and decide what it is you "really" want to do. Don't worry about the bills and food, those things will take care of themselves. Now you can live a more conscious life by not having to live on someone elses schedule. Take the time to smell the roses...BUT do have a plan.

Don't feel too discouraged. Find some things you love to do in this interim period between employments and something should manifest -- perhaps unexpectedly. I think the best thing is to ask yourself what you're passionate about and what you can do to live that passion. I've never met a passionate person who was unsuccessful.

Pick a couple things that will be your routine and use them as your "anchors" during the day/week. I agree that it's so easy to drift. Only 3 days in, I was already surprised when someone told me it was Friday. I'd already lost track.

For me, it's going to be the gym, which I'm hoping I'll get to daily. Whatever else does or doesn't get accomplished, I'll feel better if I get that done.

You're completely entitled to your discouragement. Forcing yourself to be happy and optimistic ALL the time is just as bad as being mopey all the time. Make sure you allow yourself your feelings of "well, this sucks!" or you'll never be able to get past them!

First I have to say, sorry if I'm coming off as creepy for wandering on to your private blog...

But at the same time, even as you're feeling "discouraged, overwhelmed and confused" you're also quite inspirational. I can't quite explain it. I've been having a really bad week and your strength to carry on makes me feel like I can jump my hurdles too. So, thanks stranger.

I'm sure you've heard that people are afraid of the unknown. That's why children are afraid of the dark, sailors afraid of uncharted waters, new employees afraid of their first day at work. The big unknown lies in front of you -

But take a deep breath and feel all the heady optimism - you are smart, talented, and beautiful - the world is at your feet. You just need to figure out where you want to satnd.

First, take care of yourself healthwise and the rest will come. You are doing that so next maybe you should just worry about finding something for the time being and then figure the rest out. Sometimes when you have too many things coming at you at once it gets so overwhelming, but when you try to go one step at a time it seems more doable. If you at first go down the wrong road don't worry, you can always turn around and go in a different direction.

One thing I do know, is that you are good enough to make it! If you were not an awesome writer everyone would not visit your blog everyday! ;)

I found you on SITS and thought I would swing on over. I am sorry to hear about the job. Maybe a new door will open that you never expected. I had to leave my corporate job behind, and now newly married in a new place, living a completely different life.

Hang in there. My husband was once unemployed for nine months despite all efforts to find a job (anywhere in the world! His field is very specialized.) It was tough in many ways (we had 3 little kids) but we think back on it as one of the happiest, most growth filled periods of our life.

Now that we can look back we see that him losing his job was a tiny cog in a big picture that was meant to be. It seemed so overwhelming and desperate when it happened but now we see how it was just part of the plan. And we like how the plan turned out. Very much.

I think what you are feeling is like the stages of grief thing. The fear/discouragement is bound to feature at some points during the process but your optimism will return. It's important to know that feeling down is not a premonition of things to come. It is just a natural phase of the process.

Woman, we're with you. The worries and the roads.....I've been fretting during the last 6 weeks about what we're going to do (mostly financially) come June and "new addition". I'm freaking out. We can freak together....OR, we can calm one another. Whichever you feel like from a day to day basis.

You sound so much like me. I've been there, done that. You are not alone. Count your blessings, dear. At least you have some financial vices to fall back on even if it's temporary. I remember 10 of us were laid off and had to clear out of there before noon. No severance, no nothing. But I understand your feelings and apprehension. This is the time to stand in faith and persevere. No matter how bad it looked or how troubling things got, I came out on the other side. Take advantage of the time, start a business, brainstorm, do the things you have longed to do but just did not have the time to do it. One step at a time, two hours/day. Good luck in your endeavors.

HELLO

Hi, I'm Dorkys, a NYC-based writer/illustrator who's currently loving art journaling, decorating my new apartment, and relearning how to play the guitar. Here, I cover life, my art and writing career, travels, and the ins and outs of surviving in this hectic city.