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QUOTE
OF
THE
WEEK
“Liberty means responsibility. That is
why most men dread it.”
-- George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950)

Seinfeld’s ‘Anti-Reunion Reunion’ on ‘Curb’
Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer together
again? Get out! It’s true — and this week’s
issue of Entertainment Weekly goes on the
set with Jerry Seinfeld, Jason Alexander,
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, and Michael Richards,
who joined old pal Larry David for the new
season of HBO’s “Curb Your Enthusiasm.”
Over the last six seasons, viewers
have come to expect the outrageous from
“Curb,” Larry David’s comedic exploration
of a man named Larry David. For season 7,
the co-creator of “Seinfeld” decided it was
finally time to reunite the gang from his old,
pathologically revered NBC sitcom, who up
until now had resisted the urge to re-emerge.
The story line, which starts in episode 3,
is sprinkled over five of the season’s 10
episodes as Larry recruits the cast, then
plans and tapes the big “Seinfeld” reunion
(viewers will see a few scenes of the Seinfeld
reunion episode on Curb). David is cagey on
plot details, and will only hint that “Larry
attempts to get [his estranged wife] Cheryl
back, and the ‘Seinfeld’ reunion figures
prominently in that.” Adds Louis-Dreyfus,
“It’s the anti-reunion reunion, and I’d like to
copyright that.”
When David approached Seinfeld
about a reunion plot on “Curb” in spring
2008, the comedian wasn’t terribly worried
about mucking around with the legacy
of his beloved nine-season show. “The
idea of working with Larry was just too
overwhelmingly appealing to me, and [Curb]
is such a great show,” he says. “There was a
little part of me that said, ‘Do we really want
to tamper?’… But to hell with it. How much

damage can you really do?”
The first scene that the Seinfeld gang
shot required them to immediately slip back
into their old characters.
“Just before we shot that scene, I said
to Jerry and Julia, ‘I don’t know if I can be
George. I haven’t tried him on in a while,’”
recalls Alexander. “And it was freaky how
it just came right back out.” Richards,
meanwhile, dove in feet first. “I’d always
kept Kramer’s shoes,” he notes. “Once I got
those shoes on, and I’m standing behind the
door of Jerry’s apartment, I was ready.” Being
surrounded by the original sets also helped
them get back in the mood: The “Curb”
producers tracked down Jerry’s apartment and
Monk’s coffee shop in a nearby warehouse.
(Some home improvements were required,
including replacing Jerry’s apartment door,
which Seinfeld had taken as a souvenir.)
While this strange trip may not be the
reunion scenario that fans expected, both
Seinfeld and David agree that it’ll be the
only one viewers will ever get. “As far as
I’m concerned, we did do it, and in a better
way than I ever imagined,” says Seinfeld.
“This exceeded my expectations, so there’s
no chance I would revisit it now.”
And there’s plenty of other action
in “Curb’s” seventh season: Look for
appearances by Meg Ryan, Rosie O’Donnell,
Elisabeth Shue (who scores a part in the
Seinfeld reunion), Sherry Stringfield,
Christian Slater, and Sharon Lawrence,
as well as the return of Ted Danson, Mary
Steenburgen, and Richard Lewis.

It seems the only nudes allowed at New York
City’s Metropolitan Museum of Art are the
ones in the collection.
Police say they arrested a 26-yearold woman who was posing naked for a
photographer, and in full view of visitors, in
the museum’s arms and armor department
on Wednesday.
Model Kathleen “K.C.” Neill faces a
charge of public lewdness.
Defense attorney Donald Schechter
says the museum is full of nude art, and to
call what the model and her photographer
were doing obscenity “is ridiculous.”
Photographer Zach Hyman directed
the shoot. He’s been getting some attention
locally for photographing nude models on
subways.
Hyman has said he’s inspired by nude
paintings at the Met and his photos are not
pornographic.

83 Year Old Chases
DWI Suspect
An 83-year-old driver chased a pickup truck
for 15 miles from New York into Connecticut,
helping police catch the drunken driving
suspect who had rear-ended his car.
The incident last weekend started on
Interstate 684 in Southeast, N.Y.
Frank Canale of Scarsdale, N.Y.,
pursued the man all the way to his driveway
in Danbury, Conn., and stayed there until
police arrived. He says he feared the man
could kill someone.
His daughter, Lori Canale-Smith of
Pleasantville, called police on her cell phone
during the chase.
By the time they finished filing police
reports in two states, the pair missed the
wedding they were heading to when the
accident happened.
Police say the truck’s driver was charged
with driving under the influence and driving
without a license.

blitzweekly.com

VOL. 2 - ISSUE 2

Sept. 2 - 8, 2009 3

blitzweekly.com

4 Sept. 2 - 8, 2009

HOLLYWOOD PROFILE BLITZREVIEWS
with Gerard Butler

Wa s t i n g o u r m o n ey
s o yo u d o n ’t h a ve t o !

Vivian Fullerlove

“Entertainment’s Real Critic”

Hollywood hottie Gerard Butler, who has become as infamous for his playboy ways
these days as for his thunderous battle cry as King of Spartans in the 2006 blockbuster
300, is heating up the screen this week in the new sci-fi action thriller GAMER. The
film is set in a future-world where humans can control other humans in mass-scale,
multi-player online gaming environments. Butler plays KABEL, a star player from a
game called “Slayers”, who is looking to regain his independence while taking down the
game’s mastermind. We caught up with Butler to talk about the film and how his role as
King Leonidas helped the actor to prepare for this most excellent adventure!
What initially attracted you to the project?
It has all the hallmarks of directors [Mark] Neveldine and [Brian] Taylor’s sick, yet,
genius minds. I mean they really have an innate, natural ability to create these kinds of
concepts without over thinking them. They can create great characters and yet keep this
element of freshness and youth and progressive thinking, but then there’s this sickness
and perverted element [about it]. It has a lot of stuff in there, and the best thing about
their work is that it feels effortless. You kind of feel like they just sat down and wrote this
script in a couple of hours and it just made perfect sense. They’re very talented.

Do NOT make this film your Final Destination!

The movie begins at the world’s worst racetrack where everything is falling apart (benches,
fences, the roof, etc). Bobby Campo plays Nick who has a vision that everyone will die in
the stands as the biggest crash in the history of NASCAR will happen in front of them. He
and his friends leave the stadium with a few others and they survive. It isn’t long after the
accident that Nick has more visions and the survivors die of some freak accidents. We learn
little bits about some of the characters problems but there is no reason for us to care. The
death scenes were not even well done. They are quick and just focus on throwing blood and
guts in your face.

PICK OF THE WEEK

This is obviously another very physically demanding role for you. Did you
have flashbacks of your days preparing for 300?
I never wanted to be the same size that I was in 300 because that’s just a very different
thing. We were moving into a mythical, cult warrior there you know; so, that was a different experience. But I did want to get into almost a different type of physicality, like
not as big but more sinewy. That feeling that inside you’re so strong and tough and that’s
KABLE. That’s the kind of life he’s lived. He has that muscle, like that (as he flexes his
bicep…oh my!) where all the veins are coming out. Once I saw the veins coming out,
I knew I was getting somewhere. You get that from just pumping [iron] constantly, and
you just get cut up.
But I did hear that playing Leonidas really helped you in making this
movie. How so?
[Because of my role in 300] I have a lot of confidence in my ability to perform action,
to understand it and tell a story with it, to make it cooler or to simplify it or make it look
less “stunty.” Just to do all of that and how to pace myself, when to use myself and when
not to.
How would you describe the look and feel of the movie?
The whole look and feel and even the idea of the story has never really been done before,
and you just kind of have to see two seconds of this film and you’re like “Wow! What
is this? This is really cool.” It’s nonstop. It is artistically beautiful. What’s really cool
for me is that, you know, when I saw 300 it was like “Wow! I didn’t see that when we
were shooting.” All I saw was the blue screen. But with this film, we were in the actual
environments, in the big train station or the prison or 11,000 feet up. We were in these
incredible locations that really helped us buy into the feel of being in the future.
What can audiences expect when they go see GAMER?
This is a rush. It is insane when you put this stuff together, and yet, it’s all completely
within the bounds of reality in terms of our story. That’s what I love, when action comes
out of plot and story and it’s not just gratuitous.
GAMER opens in theatres nationwide this week. The film is rated R for frenetic sequences of strong brutal violence throughout, sexual content, nudity and language. For
more of this week’s new releases and all your favorite celebrities, check out my show
Reel Critics on Time Warner Cable’s Video on Demand under the North Texas programming tab!

“Obsessed” is actually a pretty good thriller at times, creepy when it should be creepy and so
forth. The acting is good--yes, Beyonce is good--the build up is good. But a movie like this
really should have gone for the R rating and been a richer, spicier, sexier thriller. We don’t
get any of Lisa’s (Ali Larter) backstory--how she got to be so twisted and delusional. Larter
is resourceful enough to make her character work, despite the constraints. To sum: Obsessed
does have some things going for it to make it somewhat worth watching. But ratings have
become part of movies’ marketing strategy. I guess someone thought it was a good idea to
keep this movie accessible to Beyonce’s teenage and ‘tweenage fans. It was not.

Sept. 2 - 8, 2009 5
blitzweekly.com

Anarchy Sounds Good To Me: Punk Rock 101

Jason Miller

jsnmiller@mac.com

Top Punk Albums of All Time
Emerging as a new musical movement in the
mid 1970’s, Punk Rock was a revolt against
the perceived excess of mainstream 70’s
rock.
It is characterized by short, fast,
aggressive songs with basic instrumentation
and messages of anarchy and other
revolutionary activity. It is a genre that
bolstered an entire sub-culture of youthful
rebellion, distinctive clothing and an attitude
of do-it-yourself.
1. The Sex Pistols
Never Mind The
Bullocks
Released in 1977, it
is the only “official”
album recorded by this
legendary band in their brilliant, but short
lived career. This is the essential punk rock
album and surely paved the way and laid a
blueprint for others to follow.
2. The Clash
London Calling
The band’s commercial breakthrough
represented a change in The Clash’s musical
style and featured elements of ska, pop, soul,
rockabilly and reggae music.

3. Ramones
Self Titled
Recorded quickly and
cheaply; seven days
on a budget of $6,200
resulting in 29 minutes
of
now
legendary
music.
4. Refused
The Shape Of Punk To Come
Final album from this Swedish hardcore punk
band that challenged all of the pop punk that
was popular at the time. Put on your seatbelt
because this record is brutal.
5. The Misfits
Walk Among Us
Combining Danzig’s harmonic vocals with
horror imagery and lyrics, backed by fast
thrashing rhythms, we have 13 punk rock
treasures.
6. Social Distortion
Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell
Mike Ness and company combine country
and rockabilly styles with punk and crank
out a magnum opus.

7. Black Flag
Damaged
This classic is credited for the birth of
California hard core.

10. The Manic Street Preachers
The Holy Bible
The guitar player / lyricist mysteriously
disappeared after the release of this
monumental album and has yet to be found.
Now THAT’S PUNK ROCK!

7/

"7 "9iÀiÊÀ°Ê } ÌÊÊÇ«

5. Pet Sematary

9. Dead Kennedys
Fresh Fruit For Rotting
Vegetables
The American version
of The Sex Pistols held
nothing sacred as they
attacked religion and
politics with animosity
and a hint of sarcasm.

7

Ramones - Greatest Hits

2. Cretin Hop

Ramones - Greatest Hits

blitzweekly.com

6 Sept. 2 - 8, 2009

UNT vs
Ball State

TCU(17) vs
Virgina

Stephen F.
Austin vs
SMU

Thur. Sept. 3rd: 6:30pm
@ Scheumann Stadium

Sat. Sept. 5th: 2:30pm
@ Scott Stadium

Sat. Sept. 5th: 7pm
@ Gerald Ford Stadium

The Mean Green of North Texas finished
the 2008 season with only 1 win, and
would like to change things up going into
2009. They ranked fifth in total offense (in
conference) and only averaged 20 pts per
game. A new quarterback has awaken in
red shirt Freshman Riley Dodge, and yes
he is the coach’s son. He could of played
on a better team but wants to play for his
dad. The Mean Green will be opening their
season at Ball State to play the Cardinals.
They finished the 2008 season 12-2 and
8-0 in their conference. North Texas will
have running back Cam Montgomery back
on the field this year. He had a dismal 982
yards last season. If North Texas plays like
they did last season, Ball State is going to
run all over them, and it could get messy.

The Horned Frogs have 13 starters returning for the 2009 season. QB Andy Dalton
will be one of them, he had 2,242 yards
last season. Among the 13 returning, there
will be 6 on offense, 5 on defense, and both
kickers as well. The TCU defense hopes
it can continue last year’s success. They
dominated their conference. They ranked
first in total defense, and second in scoring. The defense only gave up 11.31 points
per game. The Horned Frogs will open
their season against Virgina on September
12th. Virgina is coming off a 5-7 year, and
should be no match for the Horned Frogs.
The only major change for Virgina will be
the many new assistant coaches added to
the staff. Coach Al Groh is going on his 8th
year, and if they don’t go to a bowl, could
be his last. The Horned Frogs offense and
defense combined should easily shut down
Virgina.

The SMU Mustangs are coming off a one
win season and the debut of new coach
June Jones. Why he left Hawaii to come
here remains to be seen. The Mustangs
will need to improve their defense if they
want to compete. They gave up an average
of 479.5 yards per game last year. Bo Levi
Mitchell will be returning at quarterback.
He threw 23 interceptions last year. The
Mustangs will begin the season playing
Stephen F. Austin who finished 4-8, 2-5
last season. The Lumberjacks have both
talented quarterbacks returning especially
Junior Jeremy Moses, who had a record
setting year last year. The Mustangs definitely need to step up their game and play
some defense, and turnovers cannot be an
issue or else Bo Levi will be watching the
game from the sidelines.

Alabama @ Virginia Tech
(5)

(7)

Sat. Sept. 5 • 7pm – ABC

This game could have BCS title
implications. For the Crimson Tide,
QB McElroy and RB Ingram will need
to produce. For the Hokies it’s all about
QB Taylor and RB Evans. This should
be a very entertaining game!

Georgia @ Oklahoma St.
(13)

Sat. Sept. 5 • 2:30pm – ABC

(9)

Matthew Stafford has moved on and Joe
Cox is at the helm. Knowshon Moreno
will have his shoes filled by RBs King
and Samuel. The Cowboys go to battle
with QB Robinson, RB Hunter and
WR Bryant. Lots of offense will be on
display.

Sept. 2 - 8, 2009 7

What is the price for stupidity? On February
3, 2008 Plaxico Burress caught the winning
touchdown in a Giants Super Bowl win
over the Patriots. Later that year he literally
almost killed himself by shooting himself
in the leg and missing his femoral artery by
two millimeters. Was this a malice act or
just plain stupidity? The state of New York
apparently believes this horrendous crime
to be worthy of two years in the slammer.
Hurry and throw away the keys, this guy
is a monster!?? Another punishment that
doesn’t fit the crime.
On November 29, 2008 Burress entered
a Manhattan nightclub with teammates
Antonio Pearce and Ahmad Bradshaw.
He went through a metal detector and was
frisked at the door. The security staff knew
he was carrying a gun in his pants but still
let him in. I wonder if these Bozos got
fired? They should be guilty of something.
After a few minutes he is led up the stairs
to a more private area where no one will
pester him. He then somehow misses a step
which is surprising for such a skilled athlete
causing his gun to slip down his pants.
Did he fumble? He reaches down to grab
it before it hits the ground and grabs the
trigger. This fool shot himself in the club!
Only a real idiot would carry a gun with a

Sportsologist - Craig Smith
live trigger in his pants without a holster. A
drink in one hand and a careless gunshot
wound to the leg. Antonio Pearce took him
to the hospital and then drove off with the
gun. Fast forward to the aftermath. Burress
was indicted on two counts of criminal
possession of a weapon and one count of
reckless endangerment with a mandatory
sentence of 3 1/2 years in prison. He agreed
to a plea bargain of one count of attempted
criminal possession of a weapon and will
receive two years in prison. I think this is
a harsh penalty to pay but that’s the law in
New York. Each state has their own gun
laws and in most states he would not have
even faced such a harsh repurcussion.
If you can’t do the time don’t do the
crime. He has hired a prison consultant to
help him prepare for his time behind bars.
Sadly enough, I doubt anything can prepare
him for Thanksgiving Day when his wife
is expecting the birth of their daughter. His
talent will be wasted over the next two years
but he will be back in the NFL. He seems to
be level headed about his consequences in
recent interviews. I think it’s a little ironic
that he has a long time tattoo that says,
“Everything happens for a reason.” Keep
your head up Plax!

Can Rangers Make
Up Lost Ground?
With roughly one month
left in the 2009 season, the
wild card seems to be slipping away from the Texas
Rangers. As of Monday
night they are 4 games behind the Red Sox and 6
behind the Angels. I just
don’t understand how they
can dominate the Red Sox,
Yankees and Angels all season, but can’t beat teams
like Detroit, Minnesota
or Oakland. The Rangers
could possibly have one of
the best lineups in baseball,
and the best farm team, so
what is wrong? Through the
years, we have been holding the pitching
accountable and now there is pitching. Do
the Rangers need to go and get more sluggers now? The other night the Rangers were
down 5-3 in the ninth, with no one out. How
many Rangers fans watching that game said
“We got this”… Well, Elvis Andrus came
up and struck out on three pitches. Rangers hot rookie Julio Bourbon popped up
and Michael Young grounded out to end
the game. Can anyone explain this, how
three of the Rangers best sluggers come up

Baseball Guru - Eddie Stephens
with bases loaded
and no outs, and
they can’t even get
one hit. The new
headline in the
papers should say
“FRUSTRATED.”
On a positive
note, the Rangers have activated
starter
Brandon
McCarthy from
the 60 Day DL and
he could play in
a matter of days.
Looks like Saltalamacchia will not
be making the Rangers 40 man roster, so
he will continue on the DL, and possibly
be out for the season. The Rangers will be
calling up catcher Kevin Richardson from
Triple A Oklahoma. He is hitting .216 with
13 homeruns. He played with the Rangers
on August 17 in the 8-5 victory over the
Twins, and went 2-4 before being sent back
down. The Rangers need to focus on how
close they are to the prize and make things
happen or they will find themselves home
in October. A place all to familiar to them.
OPEN DAILY
6am-11pm

Solʼs Nieto
Mexican Grill is
XTENDED HAPPY HOUR
a fun friendly
4PM TO CLOSE
place with a
jukebox
THURSDAYS
atmosphere,
FAJITA SPECIAL
BREAKFAST, LUNCH neighborhood
feel, amazing
& DINNER
food and great
SERVED DAILY FROM 9AM margaritas.

WEDNESDAYS

6434 E.MOCKINGBIRD DALLAS, TX 75214 214-826-5564

Photo Courtesy: The Bum

DallasRestaurantReviews.com

Imagine that you’re in a small town in Italy, not far from the northern border, and you
happen into the best little restaurant in town. It’s on the upscale side, and it’s called
Adelmo’s.

SETTING

The building is a quaint pre-WWII relic in the hip Knox-Henderson district. Inside,
you’ll find white tablecloths, attentive service, and a cuisine that is equal parts Italian,
French/Mediterranean, and what your grandma might have cooked if she’d spent 2years at the CIA (that’s the Culinary Institute of America – which is like the Julliard
School of Music for chefs).

APPETIZERS

Adelmo’s Crab Cakes set the standard – all crab, little filler. I also recommend the
creamy Salmon Tartare (like a spicy pâté served with toasted baguettes), and the
grilled, marinated Quail on Couscous.

ENTREES

My dinner-menu favorite (and their signature dish) is the Osso Buco, a flavorful veal
shank cooked so tender, it falls off the bone. The Rigatoni Bolognese (Adelmo’s red
wine meat sauce) is very popular, and the massive Veal Chop in Green Peppercorn
sauce is unsurpassed. If you are more adventuresome, I suggest the Roasted Duck
with Strawberry Brandy Sauce or the Rabbit Hunter’s Style. And those are just a few
of over 20 great dishes – plus half a dozen nightly blackboard specials which are so
good, they could be regular menu items. Entrees $18-$35.

WINE

Adelmo has a passion for wines, and the selection is brief but adequate; well-chosen
and ever-changing; nothing too pricey. But if you’re looking for something special,
there’s a page of “Rare Cabernets & Italian Reds” for $150 and up. Start Adelmo talking about wine, and he may bring out some favorite bottles that aren’t even on the list.
They also offer Italian beers and cocktails.

AMBIANCE

Cozy in a European bistro sort of way. Warm chatter; not stuffy. There are 10 tables
downstairs, and a similar number up the narrow staircase.

TOP 5 THINGS
THAT SHOULD
BE LEGALIZED
Thankfully I’m not a hypocrite so I can’t run for
office, but if I did; then I know my platform. I’ll
aim to piss off the right, left and middle because
it is fun to watch people squirm when they no
longer can control you. Here is what I propose
we should fight for our rights to do legally.

4. Gay Marriage
Simple and to the point, if heterosexuals have to suffer from
the pain of marriage then so should the gays. I don’t care about
what they do in the bedroom, hell they are lucky if after 7 years
of marriage if anything is going on in the bedroom other than
sleeping and farting. If I am punished with picking up dirty
towels off the floor after the old ball-and-chain then so should
any gay that is stupid enough to say “I do”. If I lose sleep
thanks to my partner’s snoring then so should they. If I have
to pay some snotty lawyer to get me out of this mistake then
they should too. Matter of fact after thinking about this, I’m
gay from this point forward…I love show tunes, Liberace and
Kathy Griffin now.
3. Prostitution
Let’s face it, we all aren’t Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. If there
wasn’t alcohol then most of our population would never get
laid and yet still some can’t. Despite the recently romanticized
idea of a sexy cougar the truth is not many of us want some old
boobies or sagging balls slapping against us in the hot sweat
of fornication. When you can’t find a girl at the bar willing to
don a raccoon suit, spank you with a spatula and give you a

2. Human Euthanizing
Forget universal government sponsored healthcare, we should
think outside the box for a cheaper and easier way to take care
of the sick and old. Instead of letting crazy 95 year old grandma
rot away in a nursing home for the next 8 years, let’s take her
out to the woods and put one single bullet in her head. We still
love her. We can put dogs down when they get old and can’t
walk, why not humans too? We won’t just euthanize the old
and sick, let’s take out those people still wearing Crocs or those
who are loudly talking on their cell phones in the grocery store.
And you who stop at green lights, I’ve got a nice bullet with
your name on it next time I have to slam on my breaks because
you are too stupid to drive correctly!
1. Speeding on the Tollway
We all know the sounds of the sirens of the police pulling us
over for “speeding” when we were only going 15 over what
that little sign said. If I am in a neighborhood then please pull
me over for going 50 down the residential street. If I am safely
driving in the left lane of the tollway at 85 mph then leave me
alone Mr. Trooper. I paid my tolls and I should be allowed to
go as fast as I want. My car was built for speed and for quick
maneuvering and you are killing my adrenalin rush when you
write me that little ticket. Instead of worrying about me on the
tollway, go stop a real criminal from murdering someone….
unless that is me also shooting the person stopped at the green
light as mentioned in #2. The tollway should be renamed as
“Dallas Autobahn” so people know what they are paying for
and cops can protect us from the real dangers of society like
another year of watching Ryan Seacreast and American Idol.

blitzweekly.com

5. Mary Jane
There is no argument that tobacco cigarettes cause cancer and
other diseases and eventually lead to death. Why does the US
government allow us to poison our bodies with something
clearly lethal yet something herbal is still illegal? In Oakland,
California cafes are setup for the sale of medical marijuana
where the proprietors pay taxes, in 2008 alone an estimated 11
million dollars for the Blue Sky Café owner. Personally I find
the smell of pot disgusting but if regulated and allowed to only
be consumed in smoke shops and cafes then is marijuana really
any more or less dangerous than drinking at a bar. Perhaps then
instead of always beating up gays in Ft. Worth, the TABC can
beat up some patchouli stinking hippies leaving a hash bar.

golden shower then where do turn??? Your local whorehouse
would be perfect. It would give all pervs, old farts and uglies
a place to go without disturbing the rest of society. These men
and women would fulfill any fantasy and desire for the right
price, all while being safe and paying taxes.

blitzweekly.com

14 Sept. 2 - 8, 2009

Fresh Food? Society Needs Preservatives!

In life there are many scams that people get
sucked into, and they come in many different shapes and sizes— whether it be Amway,
Scientology, or marriage; but no con is more
evil than organic food.
People that celebrate organic food, i.e.
dirty hippies, will tell you how healthy it is
to live the organic lifestyle. How much better they feel now that the food they eat comes
straight from the earth, untainted by the hand
of man. But have you seen the vegan, bike
riding, shades away from homeless people
as they pour out of the local farmer’s market?
They don’t look healthy; they amble
around looking like Tom Hanks in the last
five minutes of Philadelphia. I smoke, drink,
eat a truckload of red meat, and I’ve yet to be
mistaken as the beneficiary of a telethon.
To justify the insane prices charged for
this crap, the clerk will sell you with an ex-

In New Memoir
Ex--O’Farrell
Theater Stripper
Exposes Sex,
Scandals, and
the Murder that
Shook
San Francisco
by: Jesse Whitman

otic story of how the food was grown. “Pepe
the grape farmer picked each grape by hand,
and then placed them in their own individual
cloth bags he stitched together by the flickering light of a candle he made himself. So
obviously you must understand why we can
charge no less than eighteen dollars a pound
for this fruit.”
Now I’m all for migrant farmers making crafts, but that’s no reason I should pay
two dollars per grape. It’s not my fault Pepe
decided to do it the hard way; perhaps Pepe
should take a time management class and
improve his sub-par agricultural skills.
Food shouldn’t be exotic. Food should
be food. A basic simplicity lies in food--it’s
just there to be eaten and sometimes used as
a lubricant when you’re too lazy to go to the
store.
And for all the bells and whistles, for all
the interesting stories and crazy wrappers,

F

the food spoils five seconds after air hits it. I
made the mistake of buying a loaf of bread
from one of these specialty shops, and in the
span of 48 hours I was the proud owner of a
third place ribbon in an elementary school
Science Fair.
What in the hell am I going to do with
16 slices of bread in less than two days? I’m
no master chef, and even if I was I would be
hard pressed to find enough creative ways to
ingest a full loaf of bread.
To hell with natural and pure--load my
food up with preservatives. I want the food
to last the tests of time, to carry on even after an atom bomb hits the land and wipes
away humanity as we know it. I want the
next generation of explorers sifting through
my remains to fully understand what my last
meal was, because 80 years later that cupcake looks exactly the same as when I first
unwrapped it. I want when I look through the

or O’Farrell regulars of the mid 1980’s Simone Corday’s
memoir will indeed be a nostalgic look-back with the lurid
details of the dark, sexual world of the theater which Hunter S.
Thompson, an in-house legend of club, referred to as “the Carnegie
Hall of Sex.” A former Stripper of the legendary O’Farrell Theater
for 9 and 1/2 years, Corday gives readers the first ever insider’s take
in “9 1/2 Years Behind the Green Door,” her self-published memoir
printed by Mill City Press, Inc.
Corday first started working in the theater in 1985 when Artie
and Jim Mitchell were still reveling in the aftershock of the huge
success of their masterpiece “Behind the Green Door,” the first
mainstream porn film that paved the way for the adult sex industry
just as its famous leading lady Marilyn Chambers did for future porn
stars.
Corday was an interesting outlier in her field of work. While
her counterparts were doing lines of coke and guzzling down liquor,
Corday just did her job. She didn’t smoke, drink, or do drugs and she
had a masters degree in English literature. So readers must wonder,
how in the world could a well-educated lover of novels drop out of
her PhD. Program to end up stripping in a gorilla suit with a strap on
dildo?
Her reason for stripping at the O’Farrell for almost a decade was that
she was “an ex-school teacher with an addiction to the outrageous,”
she explains early on in the book. Lucky for strip club enthusiasts
and people who love sex, this is a juicy page turner full of the naughtiest behavior that would make a porn star blush.
Although she edited the memoir herself, she did get some advice from friends who told her not to “cut the balls off the story.”
“The nasty bits are funny and having more vanilla makes it less interesting. Why not exploit it for its potential?” Corday explains. For

Brad LaCour
Funny Man

pantry, and I see a box of food advertising
tickets to a movie now on basic cable, that
it’s still okay to eat whatever’s inside.
We have to unite as consumers, stand
up and say, “I want my canned peas to outlast my grand children!” We have to fight
the growing health nuts that want us to feel
guilty for eating a hot dog. We have to convince that one hot chick working the organic
produce section to bang a guy with no real
aspiration in life. Okay, that last one was for
me, but I still think they’re all good ideas we
should immediately start working on.
If you want to buy into the ridiculousness of organic food, by all means go ahead.
Just understand, for all the money you’re
spending on “fresh” food, you could join the
Scientologists and become an emperor in
space.

Corday, stripping at the O’Farrell was more than just paying the
bills; it became a source of writing material. Early on in her stripping career she shared her naughty stories with a writing group, who
looked down on the material. “I was the black sheep in the class,”
Corday says. “I hope that there is less stigma and I think it will
decrease in the future,” she says of the prudish peanut gallery. “The
new burlesque has certainly helped.”
If Part One of her memoir is the Foreplay, then Part Two is the
climax. Much of Corday’s drive to write the book came from the
scandal and lies that followed after the murder of the theater owner
Artie Mitchell by his own brother Jim Mitchell, which is exposed in
Part Two. Like a tragic western, the brother gets stabbed in the back
by the one closest to him and Corday loses her lover and the world
loses one its last true outlaws. But because of Jim Mitchell’s powerful influence in the city, everything published about it was censored.
“People were afraid of being sued. I was also afraid of Jim. He was
a convicted killer,” Corday says.
After Artie was murdered in 1991 Corday went through her
journal and started writing the memoir. “It gave me something to
focus on, otherwise I was grieving. I needed to keep working on it.”
Fearing for her own life, Corday kept her writing under wraps until
Jim died in 2006.
“When Jim died I sensed a mortality where I really needed to
get it in print,” Corday explains. “Because so much time had gone
by it became a thing into itself. It was frustrating when Art was
killed because there were so many inaccuracies out there,” Corday
says. Now that her opus is complete, Corday has the daunting task
of promoting the book herself as well as the challenge of financing
it on her own. “It’s part of my identity. It’s such a unique and special
place that I wanted my own account of it,” Corday says.

Sept. 2 - 8, 2009 15

Bang & Olufsen Beovision 4-103

The BeoVision 4 television is at the heart of Bang & Olufsen’s plasma home cinema
solution, and is designed with a high degree of modularity. The plasma screen is
separated from the BeoSystem master unit, which provides all connections for
antenna, BeoLab loudspeakers and auxiliary units.
The master unit is placed in an elegant aluminum-fronted floor cabinet, and
it is a simple matter to integrate a BeoVision 4 home cinema solution to the rest of
the home’s entertainment with BeoLink, with everything controlled by the Beo4
remote control.
Placement options for the BeoVision 4 plasma screen offer great versatility. A
range of wall brackets and table stands are available, and the aluminium finish of
the frame around the BeoVision 4 plasma screen blends in easily and elegantly with
any home decor and loudspeakers from the BeoLab range.
Bang & Olufsen’s skills with the anodising process mean we are able to offer
frames in silver, dark grey, and black.

Sony S Series
Walkman

Need a new PMP but tiring of Apple’s iPod
line? Check out the new Sony S Series
Walkman ($110-$130). Available in four
different colors and sporting either 8 or
16GB of storage, the new S series players
feature a 2.4-inch QVGA LCD screen, both
voice and FM recording, built-in stereo
speakers, support for most major audio and
video formats, 42 hours of music playback
and 6.5 hrs of video playback on a single
charge, and a svelte design that’s less than
half and inch thick.

Leatherman Super Tool 300

No matter what the job, the Leatherman Super Tool 300 ($70) is ready
to handle it. This heavy-duty all-purpose tool offers both a clip point and
serrated knives, both needlenose and regular pliers, several wire cutters,
a wire stripper, a crimper, a host of screwdrivers, a file, a saw, both bottle
and can openers, a ruler, and more. With rolled handle edges for a comfy
grip and rock solid stainless steel construction, it’s ready to help with
your handiwork for years to come.

Pugs and Kelly Show Human Growth
and Development Advice Column!
Dear P&K,
I’ve wanted to send this for probably about 2 years. My husband thinks I want sex too much. I feel at least 2 times a day is good. Anything
more is a bonus. Is that too much? Would you still agree to it even though you might say it’s too much? I will be listening, can’t wait to
hear what ya’ll think. Great show guys don’t disappear again! Felt like I lost the other half of my brain.
Nicci in Arlington
Dear Nicci,
Yes, expecting sex two times a day is too much!
Here is the problem. It’s not that he doesn’t want to have a
sexual experience twice a day or that he is incapable of performing
up to your ridiculous expectations. My guess is that your sex life
is not unlike many other married couples sex lives…routine and
uninspired.
Are you guys having sweat pants and t-shirt sex? That’s the
kind of sex you have at the end of the day, after you’ve removed
your make up, put your hair up and slipped into those ratty old
sweat pants and oversized t- shirt. Don’t get me wrong, that can
be appealing. I am a sucker for the smell of freshly brushed teeth
and zit cream, but in a world where your husband has probably
absorbed a couple hundred thousand sexual images before lunch,
maybe you could try and mix it up for him. Keep it fresh and keep
him interested in you as an ever evolving sexual being and not just
that lady who yells at him all the time.
Expecting sex twice a day is wildly impractical and puts undue
pressure on your husband who may begin to view sex as a chore.
Be careful not to become just another item on his “to do” list.
Pugs

Dear Nicci,
I don’t think 2 times a day is too much, if it’s mutual. How does
it feel to imagine only once a day? If you say, “Oh, that would be
ok” then what’s the problem? Be honest. Are you trying to drain
him of his sexual energy to ensure he won’t cheat? Do you need
reassurance he desires you? Is that the only time you have his full
attention? I firmly believe in the once-a-day schedule because we
have to be more creative and spend some time thinking about how
to change it up. If we try something and it isn’t as appealing as it
looks on video, tomorrow is another day. If my husband started
making fun of my ‘habit’ or worse, ‘demand’ I may want to rethink
my policy. Men lack that gene that enables them to say, “I have
a concern I think we should share”. They make ‘concerns’ into
jokes. Your guy may not be up to your schedule, but his ego won’t
allow him to fail you in the bedroom (or kitchen, not judging).
Your husband in a lighthearted way has told you 2 things:
1) Sex is starting to feel like a part-time job.
2) I love you too much to risk hurting you by turning you down.
Kelly

blitzweekly.com

Courtesy: www.gadgetreview.com

By: Sybil Summers

sybilsummers.com

THINGS THAT NEED TO GO AWAY
10. Spencer & Heidi: He’s a tool. She
didn’t get naked in Playboy. Remind
me again why we’re supposed to
like these people.
9. Michael Vick Saga: I would rather
sit at a 12-hour seminar about T.O.
than hear one more debate about
Michael Vick’s return to football.
8. Bottle Service: So you’re telling
me I have to pay $300 for a bottle of
vodka that regularly costs $30 just
so I can sit at a table? I’ll pass.
7. Michael Jackson Tributes: Unless
he releases a new album, I’m all
filled up on MJ songs and videos.
6. Lady Gaga: Is she a dude or not?
And for the record, all her music
sounds the same.
5. Amateur Porn: Picture your
neighbor naked. It’s the same
concept. There’s a reason these
people aren’t professionals.
4. French manicure on toes: The
white on your toenails should not be
this long naturally. Gross.
3. Twitter: We don’t need to know
what you ate for dinner or what time
you passed it. Besides, the website
is always on the fritz.
2. Outsourcing: Automated systems
are bad enough, but then you get to
talk to someone who doesn’t speak
English and has a stock response
for everything you say.
1. Asymmetrical
haircuts: There’s
nothing cool
about your
hairstyle, Sir.

Blitz Weekly Funnies for the Week
What do you do when a
blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell, she has a grenade
in her mouth!
What did the fish say when he
swam into the wall?
Damn!
Why do shepherds wear robes?
Because sheep can hear
zippers a mile away.
What were the last words of
the parachutist?
F*cking moths!

She married and had 13 children.
Her husband died. She married
again and had 7 more children.
Again, her husband died. But, she
remarried and this time had 5 more
children. Alas, she finally died.
Standing before her coffin, the
preacher prayed for her. He
thanked the Lord for this very
loving woman
and said, “Lord, they’re finally
together.”
One mourner leaned over and
quietly asked her friend, “Do you
think he means her first, second or
third husband?” The friend replied,
“I think he means her legs.”

Horrorscopes

Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)

Taurus (Apr. 20 - May 20)

Your family has a history of committing
incest. You are a communist. Your
minister is out to get you. Unfortunately,
you have trouble succeeding because you
are incredibly lazy.

It’s time you faced up to a tricky situation,
to which you have been deluding yourself
for a long time. Stay away from a German
called Huldrick.

Always the “go-getter”! How often do
you put of until tomorrow what you
should have had done last week?! That
rash will not go away by itself.

Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)

Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)

Gemini (May 21 - Jan. 21)

You must be extremely careful for the
next three weeks. The gods are angry
with you. To appease them you must sell
everything that you own.

Perhaps this month we should focus on
your other qualities and interests. Your
lint collection is really impressive. This
weekend you’ll organize your sock
drawer.

You will go “hogging” this weekend
only to discover that she is your second
cousin twice removed. You are a sick,
sick person.

Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)

Pisces (Feb. 19 - Mat. 20)

Cancer (Jun. 22 – Jul. 22)

Do NOT, under any conditions, use the
remaining toothpaste in your medicine
cabinet. Your mind is like a soggy rag.
You are left with a lump in your stomach
after a steak dinner.

You will spend all of your money on quack
doctors and strange medical treatments.
You will have a sudden inspiration to
start a new business selling liberallybiased stories to the news media.

A co-worker will smile at you. It may
mean something, or they may just be
trying to be friendly. Either way, you’re
facing a lawsuit at work. Do not make
eye contact!

Sagittarius(Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)

Aries (Mar. 21 - Apr 19)

Leo (Jul. 23 - Aug. 22)

Your much vaunted creativity and
enthusiasm will be wasted in a series of
uninspiring dead-end jobs. You will end
up working at the Blitz Weekly. Good
luck with that…

Don’t do something stupid like the last
time and perhaps things will turn out
better than you expect them to. You
discover that no one really likes you A
LOT and it’s only just so-so.

Take care of yourself in all that you do,
because you are going to need extra
support in the time to come. You achieve
the pinnacle of success because of your
total lack of ethics.

Favre is Denying his Legacy?
Look, like it or not, Brett Favre is back in football.
It happens every year, no matter what, and will probably continue
to happen as long as he is still breathing. It happens all the time when
a former giant of the sport starts getting a bit too frail. It’s the age old
problem of the downfall that comes to all those who grow old: They
turn into old, annoying imitations of their formers selves and make
everyone around a little embarrassed.
Jordan did it. Emmitt Smith did it. Agassi did it. They all do it.
It’s hard to return to anonymity when you have spent your life
as one of the world’s biggest stars. I mean, Brett Favre is a living
legend. And although he may not be near as good as he once was, he
is now a Viking.
So get over it.
Get over it and I mean now.
I’m so sick of hearing about how Favre is debating whether or
not to play again. I’m tired of the constant over-the-top attention that
is being paid to his every off-season move. I like sports. I watch a lot
of sports. I listen to a lot of sports radio. I’m so incredibly tired of the
same tired arguments about how he is over the hill or “denying his
legacy”.
He’s playing and it really doesn’t matter anymore. There are
hundreds of other NFL players who are more deserving of media
attention.
Remember when Barry Bonds cheated and hit 70 hr’s?
Remember when Jordan played baseball? Remember all the steroids
crap? Remember how annoying that crap is to be inundated with it at
every second?
Favre is a gamer. Favre is a hall of famer. He is also old, worn
out and not very good.
So stop freaking out about it and let’s get back to the game.