4. You know someone who definitely was in the emergency room with Richard Gere and the gerbil.

5. You understand the immense importance of good lighting.

6. You can be at a crowded disco the size of two football fields and still spot a toupee.

7. You can tell a woman you love her bathing suit, and mean her bathing suit.

8. You can explain the nuances between steady date, boyfriend and lover.

9. You really have "been there, done that."

10. Your women friends will tell you everything you want to know about their boyfriends. And that means everything.

11. You're the only type of male who gets to say "fabulous."

12. You can have naked pictures of men you don't know in your home.

13. You can have naked men you don't know in your home.

14. You know how to handle the telephone like a Stradivarius.

15. You understand why the good Lord invented spandex.

16. You understand why the good Lord didn't intend everyone to wear it.

17. You know how to get back at just about everyone.

19. You only wear polyester when you mean to.

20. You can smile to let someone know you can't stand them.

21. You can freeze a troll from 20 feet away.

22. You're good pals with women other people can't stand.

23. You've always got an opinion.

24. You've read the book, seen the movie, done the musical.

25. You know how to dress strategically.

26. Your car has an amusing female name.

27. You're the only one at your high school reunion who looks a lot better than you did in high school.

28. You've got at least one framed picture of a pet.

29. If your mattress could talk, it would be Joan Rivers.

30. You know that sex complicates things. So?

31. You know that being called a "cheap ~censored~" isn't actually an insult.

32. There's a married guy somewhere who is terrified of you.

33. Nobody tells you what to do in bed...unless you tell them what to tell you.

34. You have a medicine chest stocked for any occasion.

35. You have at least one movie musical on video.

36. You're not embarrassed to sing in a piano bar.

37. You're embarrassed by people who sing in piano bars.

38. You never hold a grudge for longer than a decade or two.

39. You know how to make an entrance.

40. You know when to make an exit.

41. You worry about people you don't even know - like Liza Minnelli.

42. You choose the most fabulous greeting cards.

43. You know how to program your VCR.

44. You've got sunscreen at every conceivable SPF level.

45. You have a cologne display worthy of Bloomingdales

46. You understand, viscerally, Joan Crawford.

47. Some of your best friends are your ex lovers.

48. You know when to play dumb.

49. You know what to do for a hangover.

50. Yes, you do have a condom.

51. You've called someone "girlfriend" who is neither a girl nor a friend.

52. One or more of the following apply to you:a) You adore Judy Garlandb) You hate Judy Garlandc) You hate people who adore Judy Garland.d) You hate people who hate Judy Garland.e) You don't give a damn about Judy Garland.f) Who is Judy Garland?

53. You can supply the last names to the following list:a) Bernadetteb) Chitac) Barbra