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Is it Abuse? (A Resource Guide)

As a future Social Worker, I felt it would be good to have a post in the Love and Marriage group that has information about the different types of abuse - and yes, there is more than just physical abuse. I have listed some links below, and I hope that everyone will add more resources and /or stories so that we can keep it on top as a primary resource. Feel free to include resources and information about abuse within an adult relationship, child abuse/neglect, and elder abuse. It's not a fun topic, but I think it's vital that we have these resources available!

Ok my husband has been a emotional, verbally abusive person. A few times it has gone to physical. We have 3 kids ages 19, 16 , and 4. It's mostly with the older two dons, I have had to divert fights to myself to get husbands attention off kids before, it's never been an issue with the 4 yr old though. Anyhow last weekend my oldest son got mad about everything that has happened over the years he retaliated and beat up his dad, I was not home when it happened. My husband would not press charges on him. The police were going to stay while me and kids got clothes to leave but husband said he would so me and kids could stay at house. I filed protective order on husband to ensure a place for me and kids to live without him, we have no family here, I work but don't have money for attorney do I need one when I go back for the hearing? Having herd time with this I feel like I still love husband, but if I were to talk to husband again older 2 kids would disown me. So my question do I need an attorney when I go back for hearing on the protective order?

could I ask your opinion on using hot sauce as punishment? as in putting a drop of a kids tongue, or more so such as forcing a whole spoonful of habanero sauce into their mouth and making them swallow it?

Personally, I think it is abusive. Physical punishment, IMO, only stops unwanted behevior out of fear - not out of a realization that what they are doing is wrong and why it is wrong.

Quoting SuperWoman8:

could I ask your opinion on using hot sauce as punishment? as in putting a drop of a kids tongue, or more so such as forcing a whole spoonful of habanero sauce into their mouth and making them swallow it?

I have for a long time now thought that my husband was being emotionaly abusive to me and I kept saying no im just being dramatic. Well after reading these links! I do believe he is very emotionally abusive and I am not even sure what to do about it. we Have two kids together and have been married for seven years! HELP!

First, I suggest that you get into therapy on your own. That way it can give you the tools and strength to know how to approach him and handle the emotional abuse. The therapist can also suggest ways that you can suggest that you can approach him about couple's therapy (or individual therapy for him). This seems like a good book for you to read as well (especially if you cannot afford therapy at the moment): http://www.amazon.com/The-Verbally-Abusive-Relationship-Recognize/dp/1558505822

Good luck! *HUGS*

Quoting heaven198604:

I have for a long time now thought that my husband was being emotionaly abusive to me and I kept saying no im just being dramatic. Well after reading these links! I do believe he is very emotionally abusive and I am not even sure what to do about it. we Have two kids together and have been married for seven years! HELP!

I all so was in a abusive relationship with my 1st husband. the 1st 4 years was not abusive .We had broke up and about 1 year later he went to prison. He spent 2 and a half years in there when he got out about a year later we had gotten back together .I remember how he was the 1st 4 years before we had problems and it was not from abuse . But any way prison had changed him about 3 months after we got back together one night I came home after my softball game I had stop by the bar down the road with ladies from my team for a couple of drinks when i got home he beat me up . I should of left then but he said he was sorry .After that i was belittled over the years told i was fat even though I was the smallest I had ever been in my life I am 5 foot 8 was in a size 7 or small size ladies but was made to feel like I was fat .The beating kept happening .Did not have a job to support me and our 3 kids .Did not have the strength to get out I was beat down and made to feel worthless.He was killed on his motor cycle he was on his way home to beat me and was hit by a truck.It took me a couple years to get my self worth back .I am now married to the man of my dream we been married 18 years now he makes me feels so good about myself and tells me he loves me every day and couple times a day .When I see something on tv about this and they say why did you not leave they do not understand what you have gone threw and how hard it is to get out and you are made to feel you deserve nothing better . ty for letting me vent

My Dh, in the beginning showed signs of abuse. Hes hit me, I'll admit & he admits it. That was before we got married. We split up & é weeks later got back together (xmas of 2008, got back together Jan 2009). I found out his stepdad abused him while growing up & watched his mom get hit. But ever since we got back together, we had gone to counsling & by Nov 2009 we got married. He has not hit, threatend or any kind of abuse since before we got married (before we split up). We learned that his problem was PTSD and addiction. Hes clean & sober too. He wants to keep me bcuz I am not the kind of girl who cheats or treats him badly. He realized what he missed at the time we split up. Im not saying its been an easy road for us. We had real rough times but we are very happy together. He jokes w/ me more now and it has made us closer. My sons real dad was abusive. I told Dh I couldnt deal w/ that again. He really did change. He had to want to though. Counsling helped us but unless the abuser wants to change, it wont.

Iam a survivor of domestic abuse. It happened almost 9 years ago and I still think about it all the time. Nobody saw the signs with me and I thought I had no one to turn to. It was in Feb and it came out of nowhere, I thought I was going to die.... I lied to Jim and got him to let me go and now he is sitting on prison till 2024, not just cause of me. It stated a long time b4, he thought I was cheating on him and he followed me everywhere. I felt trapped and Iam so thankful I am Alive and had the strength to leave. So if I know someone going though this be a friend and be there for them. Let them know they are not alone and their is help out there.

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