A Look at iMeter, iPhone’s 1st Tricorder

400 Years Early Today, I am back on the subject of useless apps. To set the stage, please try to imagine the TV show Star Trek or ST: The Next Generation. Warp speed, aliens, holodecs and world peace; It represented a universe where anything was possible. Today, I want to make a tardy congratulation to our world. Hooray! We have surpassed the world of Star Trek and it is not yet the 10th of January, 2009.

If you are or were a fan of Star Trek or know and hate it because a Trekky lurked deep within your family, you will know what a tricorder is. For everyone else, it is a box that Captain Kirk, Spock and all the gang carried that goes ‘beeeeep’ or ‘zaaaaaap’. Below are images of iMeter’s grandfathers courtesy of www.tk560.com.

the iPhone of the future

the zPhone (zunePhone) of the future

Imagine my surprise when I discovered iMeter, and found that more than 400 years prior to the happenings of Star Trek, a possy of non-space cadets (Calin Culianu, Zack Silverman and Tamara Jerardo) invented the tricorder.

You too can have a tricorder for only 99 cents at the iTunes store. Some of the uses for it are too sensitive or potentially dangerous to list here however, here are a few of the safer.

How to use your tricorder iMeter You: Honey, did you cut your finger? ~ZAAAAP~ There, all better. You: Honey, you liked my Cream of Wheat, yeah? (She tilts her head, a ‘no’ dark in her face) ~ZAAAAP~ You: Honey, you liked my Cream of Wheat, yeah? (repeat if necessary) Angry Wife: What do you mean you forgot to pick up the eggs? ~ZAAAAP~ You: Now, what were you saying? Cashier: Sir, that will be 71,99$ plus ~ZAAAAP~ You: Thank you, I won’t need a bag. Angry Pedestrian: Did you see that? He nearly ran me over! ~ZAAAAP~ (Crash) Idiotic Driver: Haha, I almost ran her over! ~ZAAAP~ (Crash) Is my food ready? ~ZAAAAP~ Yes it is. Have I finished my homework? ~ZAAAAP~ Yes I have. Your Boss: You did not think of shaving today? ~ZAAAAP~ You: We were discussing my pay raise. You (holding your nose and iPhone toward an open washroom door): ~ZAAAAP~ You: Yeah, I’ll wait. ~ZAAAAP~ You: Honey, it looks like you might have an iron deficiency. Honey: ええ！？ うそ〜！(This one worked)

I have thought of one other situation where an utility like this might be helpful: Monty Python (or other comedy movie night that involves your mates).

‘What was his name?’ ~ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP~ (outburst of laughter fully silenced by iMeter) (surprise look on palin’s face) ‘Centurion do you have anyone of that name in the garrison?’ ‘Well no sir’ ‘Well you sound very sure, have you checked?’ ‘Well no sir, I think its a joke sir. like sillious saurous oooooor, biggus ~ZAAP~, sir’.

Your Mate to you: If you do that one more time by God, I’ll… (to your other mate, a rival for mate number 1’s affections, Your Mate nods) Rewind it. (As Marty, ((Mate ‘better than you’)) picks up the remote with a smirk, ~ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP~

nothing more to report

In the past few days, I have had fun playing with iMeter and think it is a much more useful and mature way to laugh than “the sick dog” style of iFart Mobile but for 99 cents, it offers only a sound and a vibrating graphic. It is cheap and expensive all at once. The beauty of it is that despite its low price-to-performance ratio, it will broaden your imagination and annoy your mates.

Shigzeo maintains a ‘buy’ on this century’s first useful tricorder but asks that you use it wisely and if you want any real utility, to look elsewhere.