The most funny call you ever been on??

I wasn't there, but I know it to be true:We had a frequent flyer patient who weighed approx 600+lbs. We used to dispatch 2 rigs with 6 guys plus the ambulance just to move him. We called him "The Belly" because his gut was so huge he referred to it as if it were a separate entity, "pick up the belly and set it over here". This guy was in his 30s, and, strangely enough, his wife was kind of hot.Well, one day the guys are there getting ready to move him to the hospital. He says to his wife, "Honey, my nuts are pinched, move 'em over for me". So she reaches in his pants and adjusts them, right in front of everyone. As soon as she's done,in walks a certain Lt who always hits on the ladies. He marches straight up to her, puts out his hand, "Hi, I'm Lt XXXX" and with a big smile on her face and a look at the other FFs, she shakes it with the same hand that was in the big guys shorts!

The rest of the guys were bailing for the door so they could go outside and laugh. Of course Lt XXXX is standing there with the look like "What?"

I wasn't there but the Honorary Members still talk about it now and then.... In the early 70's we had a school fire on a Saturday. The small fire was contained and of course the school was empty at the time. During the overhaul one guy was missing. a search began and they found him sitting on the toilet in the washroom with his BA next to him on the floor but he still had his mask on. Not funny then,... but now makes a great story when they tell it.

We had a call dispatched a few years ago as a transformer explosion. We found the transformer to be fine when we arrived on scene. Further investigation turned up a fried squirrel at the base of the power pole. Seems that the little guy was doing a high-wire act and touched something that he shouldn't have.

About 15 years ago I was on a call for "a man with a bedspring stuck in his back". Our ambulance was dispatched and they requested the rescue truck. When we arrived on scene at a run down house trailer, a woman answered the door and pointed us down the hall, saying "he's down there". We entered the bedroom to find a man lying face up on a ratty old mattress, totally undressed, and "strategically" covered with a sheet. (Our crew was co-ed). Our patient told us that he had a bedspring stuck in his buttocks.

We "extricated" him by cutting away the mattress with pocket knives and then cut the mattress wires and spring with a bolt cutter. Sure enough, one spring poked through the mattress & gone about 2-3" under the skin of one buttocks. We transported him face down to the hospital where they quickly removed the spring.

The "mechanism of injury" turned out to be that the man and lady were enjoying an intimate moment and during a period of quick movement, the spring broke through the mattress and snagged him.

In my little town in Interior Alaska we have no law enforcement, so when any kind of s*it hits the fan, they call the FD.

We had a call for a fight of 4 brothers, all over 21. We all know everybody (small town) so we didn't hesitate to go and officiate the fight. When we arrived we found the drunkest brother, also the instigator duct taped to a 4 wheeler ATV. They wrapped tape around his ankles, knees, chest w/arms included, then taped his wrists to the machine. It was the funniest thing I ever saw. We had to wait 1.5 hours for the state troopers to arrive. Meanwhile the duct tape guy was hollering and screaming for us to cut him loose. The other brothers got so sick of listening to him, so duct taped his mouth shut till the troopers arrived.

My police officer friend responded to a call at a high school wood shop. It seems that the boys had taken all of the crap that they wanted from the shop teacher. The shop has a wooden floor, so they fastened him to it. They held him down and nailed or stapled (I'm not sure which) his clothes to the floor and left him there. I wish that I could have seen him.

Well, this certainly wasn't a terribly funny call, but it reminds me of some of the mentality we deal with.

Dispatched to 123 xyz street for "illness." We make entry into a rundown apartment, and there is a 50 ish year old man sitting on his couch. You can tell immediatly he's not playing with a full deck. Well, he proceeds to tell us that he was watching television, and a commercial came on for whatever drug they where pushing this time. You know the commercials, the ones where the patient is surfing and mountain climbing and horseback riding. Well, in the commercial they list some symptoms, and state "if you have or have ever had these symptoms, you should contact medical personnel." Yep, you guessed it, he called 911. There was nothing wrong with the guy. I kind of felt bad for the guy, because he was SO slow upstairs we had difficulty explaining to him that he didn't need to go. Jeez.

We got called out for a trapped cat. Rolled our eyes and responded. On arrival we found a cat stuck in a toilet with his butt end into the drain and his nose just above water. Seems Little Johnny tried to flush him. A quick shutoff of the water and a tap of the axe and the toilet was removed from around the cat, no worse for wear. As we packed up the rig we heard the sounds of Little Johnnies lickin' echo through the neighborhood.

More strange than funny.

We were on a structure fire with 2 acres burning behind it, and a 2 acre brush fire across town, when a 3rd call came in for a brush fire spreading fast. Good thing this third call was knocked down quick with just a couple guys, because that's about all we had left. The cause of the fire was determined to be from a fellow who was on a hammock reading a paper in the back yard of his apartment building. Suddenly, he really had to go bad, and didn't think he'd make it to the toilet, so decided to $h1t on his news paper. The idea was to roll it up and take it home, but, he quickly realized that the other people he was going to have to walk past were definitely going to know he was carrying the lump, sooo, you guessed it, he decided to incinerate it. He lit the paper on fire, and it quickly got away from him, so he attempted to beat the fire out with his hands. All he succeeded in doing is getting second degree burns on his hands and arms, and infecting himself with his own you know what. He was transported and made a full recovery, but is still not the sharpest crayola in the box.

One of our crew was on the roof of a 21 storie hi-rise when an extreem need to "void" came over him. Well, when you gotta go, so he did into one of the roof drains at the edge of the roof. About the time he, um, deployed his line, a news helicopter pops up from behind the building. Trying to make the best of a bad situation, he flashed a big smile and waved with his un-occupied hand.

We had a Woman who was low on blood sugar, we respond with the medics and show up to find this lady going crazy. Her family is freaked out because shes screaming and yelling that she won't eat anything because her son died. The family said he died over a year ago, anyway we hold her down so the medics can put in a line and give her glucose. I take one of her legs, (we all took a limb she was big) Shes screaming and kicking and yelling then she stops completly, smiles and she farts! She looks up at me and goes "oops, I farted" We all died laughing.

Best one I've been on was a bar fight, where we're waiting to clear the scene for an EMT helping in the back of the bus, and we watch a drunk guy walk out of the bar, stare at the half dozen patrol cars and emergency apparatus on scene, get in his car, and back straight into a deputy's car, which had it's warning lights ablaze in plain view.

Best part was the guy put the car in park, got out, and had his hands on his head and body against the car before the cop even had a chance to truly react....

Best one I've been on was a bar fight, where we're waiting to clear the scene for an EMT helping in the back of the bus, and we watch a drunk guy walk out of the bar, stare at the half dozen patrol cars and emergency apparatus on scene, get in his car, and back straight into a deputy's car, which had it's warning lights ablaze in plain view.

Best part was the guy put the car in park, got out, and had his hands on his head and body against the car before the cop even had a chance to truly react....

We had a car wreak that involved an HUGE women. She was T-boned at an intersection, and a large box of photos came flying out all over the street. When we got on the scene we looked at the photos and noticed that they were pictures of the women getting nailed by several men.

1. Got a call for a "dog stuck in an open septic tank." First unit on scene established "septic tank command." He disregarded us before we got there.

2. Was up late at the station one night (waiting on that 3rd call as they do really come in 3's here). Someone pulls in a says that there was just an auto-ped down the road. We radio it in and go in route. We arrived to find a patient (who was on something and had likely been turning some tricks) staggering around. I introduced myself and asker for her name...she looked me square in the eye and said "Goodp*$$y, Mrs. Goodp*$$y." The rest of the call when down hill from there. Best part was "transferring care" to the ambulance. Funniest patient report ever given.

And.........................

Quite a few years ago, I was working a part time gig as a Security Guard. I stopped by the Station one Firday night on my way home, somewhere about O Dark Hundred. A fellow Volunteer, who was a County Police Officer was there, and we were sitting in his Police Car talking when he gets a call for a suspicious car at the local bank. Since he had no backup available, I rode along to the bank. We arrived to find a car idling at the drive up window, and the Red Light that indicated the window was closed was lit. The driver was laid back in the seat, snoring. We woke him up (Carefully) and asked him what he was doing there. He repiled (in a Alcohol induced accent) "I'm waiting for that light to change so I can go home..."

Last December,we had 11" of snow on the ground and my department got tapped out for a woman finding a lump in her breast.At 0225.
I am sure that members were grumbling as the Captain came up and advices Central Dispatch to not call us out that address unless it was on fire.
He said later that he also called and asked to speak to said dispatcher about priorities and common sense on dispatches.
Everyone else also speculated around the training room tables about just what she had been doing when the lump was found.

Pretty Funny?

We were dispatched for a person fallen from a porch roof. Upon arrival we found a gutter and some house service lines down. Next to them was a male somewhat incoherant. Upon further investigation we found out that he has a problem sleep walking and he actually slept walked from his second story bedroom window to the porch and then straight to the ground (ouch). All in all he turned out ok, but his wife says she is gonna lock the window for now on.

First.....Dispatched to a "routine" call of chest pains for a guy. We get there and hook up the monitor. The battery was dead and just before my partner switches batteries, he says "oh man, this sucker is dead." The wife of the patient thinks we are talking about her husband, freaks out and faints. Lesson: Be careful of what you say on scene.

Second.......While working for the Sheriff's Office....One of my first shifts all by my lonesome. I get a call of a burglar alarm at a business. I think this my 3rd or 4th call to handle by myself. I get close and they advise me there are multiple trips from inside the building. I get close and see a pick up truck backed up to the front door with the back open and someone loading boxes into the truck. Now my blood is pumping thinking I have a burglary in progress. I call for back up and park out of the way and sneak up to the front door. Just as I approach the front door, the male I saw before comes out with another box. Seeing him come out scared me and I draw my gun and yell at him "Freeze or I will shoot your ear off!!!!" Shoot your ear off??? As soon as I said it, I knew it sounded dumb. Me yelling at him, scared him as well and he dropped the box and put his hands in the air. Afterwards, I find out he is teh owner and forgot to shut off the alarm. He thought that if I was such a good shot as to shoot his ear off, he was going to do everything the nice deputy tells him to do. We still laugh at that one.