Last night I crossed the first item off my bucket list. My friend Kelly and I attempted to break a world record. It was a group record, but still, it was an actual Guinness Book Record! Here’s how it happened…

Groupon had an awesome movie night thing going on at Wrigley Field.

First of all, I got to touch the Wrigley ivy. I realize it’s blurry, but it was still 100 degrees and no one needs to see a crystal clear picture of me uncomfortably sweating through all of my clothes:

Secondly, I got to watch the Blues Brothers while sitting on the outfield grass:

Lastly, we attempted to break the record for the most people wearing sunglasses at night. We had to keep the glasses on for 10 minutes to break the record. We struggled mightily. I glanced around and saw the pure anguish of tormented souls, as people struggled to keep the sunglasses upon their faces. Through sheer power of our collective will…our amazing sacrifice was rewarded by etching our names among history’s finest to have ever lived. A record that by all measure will never be broken*, as almost all who have attempted to laugh in the face of God with such an undertaking have died in their pursuit.

*I may have taken some liberties with how difficult this record was to break.

Suck it, Hart

Kelly and I met our friends Dirk and Sam for a celebratory beer and a discussion about how terrible country music is. Dirk agrees that it’s pretty much the worst kind of music. That’s 100% his view, until he creates a WordPress account and challenges that statement in the comments.

Today ends my healthy hiatus where I basically ate and drank whatever the hell I wanted for 3 days. Back on a new challenge tomorrow. I gotta be honest, after 30 days of clean living, my body just did not know what to do with the Bdubs/Jimmy Johns/Bud Light/McDonalds/Diet Soda. I shoved into it for the past 72 hours.

Related story:

When I was 26 years old, I went to the doctor after I thought I broke my ankle and he told me that my ankle was not broken, but that I was the youngest person he had ever diagnosed with The Gout. I was under the impression that The Gout (it’s just gout, but it sounds more humorous when you say “The Gout”) was something that only old fat guys that eat nothing but salami are hit with. Turns out, if you eat like a piece of crap for long enough and drink enough beer and are a little predisposed to it, you can get it at 26. I also put it in the same category as like scurvy or the clap…shit that pirates used to get but we have since come up with medication to prevent. Once again, turns out it’s still very much a thing, although it’s not necessarily as publicly noticeable as the commercials would lead you to believe. I don’t carry around a big green beaker full of acid…

The Gout is basically like your step-dad, he hangs around being annoying all of the time and every once in while when alcohol is involved he beats the everloving shit out of you and it puts you down for an entire day. I have an attack about twice a year either in my ankle, knee, or toe…here’s what that looks like in the toe region.

The selected joint decides to fill with jagged pieces of crystallized uric acid, and the best part is that if you rest, elevate, ice, and take pain medication…it does jack shit. It’s still the most painful thing I’ve ever dealt with, and I’ve listened to an entire Nickelback song.

Thankfully I have some awesome pills I can take to head off the attack when I feel one coming on, and then it just feels like I sprained my toe/ankle/knee for about a day. SCIENCE!

So that brings me back to my point, the past 30 days when I was being super healthy, of course I had zero attacks. Today I woke up and scrambled for my miracle pills. My ankle was on fire. Here’s another thing about The Gout, let’s say you do actually sprain your ankle, that ankle now becomes a lot more likely to get hit by an attack. So last night I was semi-retarded and assumed my ankle was just stiff from spraining it a few weeks back and then sitting Indian-style for a few hours (yes I still sit Indian-style like I’m in kindergarten). My ankle informed me I was incorrect as of 9am this morning.

Pretty sure I need to keep an eye on that. I think the 7 day challenge coming up tomorrow is going to help…

My Bucket List until December 31st 11:59pm of 2012 is as follows:

Dunk a basketball.

Raise 500 dollars of other people’s money for the LaPorte Small Animal Shelter (It’s easy to donate, harder to raise those funds).

Go on a 4 day weekend getaway somewhere tropical by myself.

Meet a famous person, people from reality TV don’t count.

Become SCUBA certified.

Attempt to break a Guinness World Record Most people in one place wearing sunglasses at night! 7/6/2012! Wrigley Field!

Learn to play one entire song on an instrument.

Start a side business, or create some form of secondary revenue stream. *Your multi-level marketing pyramid scheme is not what I’m looking for, sorry*

Achieve one of the following: 1) Weigh 205 pounds. 2) Have under 10% body fat 3) Have noticeable abs