For the past 20 months since d-day I always wondered if any of this shit was actually my fault!! Did I cause my wh to choose a complete scumbag to have an affair with? Was a really such a horrible wife? Was there anything that I could've done to prevent him from being a pathological liar and a skirt chaser? And the answer is a definate...it's not my fault!!!

He chose his immoral lifestyle on his own! I could have been a stepford wife and it wouldn't have mattered!! What's damaged is his mind and his thought process!! If he actually has one!! There's something lacking in his own ego that he needs to find these desperate women who anyone with standards just wouldn't want!! He's a married man who has decided that he has no boundaries so why not date everything and anything that looks his way!!

It's not my fault!! I'm a good person!! My marriage vows actually meant something to me!! We all deserve so much better than this shit we were served!! One day God will judge!! And all the cheaters of the world and their ap's will have some explaining to do- that is if they're given the chance!!

Sorry- I just needed to vent!! Meanwhile working on my ducks!!:)

[This message edited by mj052 at 9:43 PM, February 20th (Thursday)]

Trust is a fragile thing- once its lost it's gone forever!!

Posts: 248 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: mj052

MovingUpward♂ 14866Member # 14866

Posted: 9:40 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014

(((hugs)))

You are right, it isn't your fault.

Posts: 54405 | Registered: Jun 2007

Stillstings♀ 36549Member # 36549

Posted: 9:42 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014

He chose his immoral lifestyle on his own! I could have been a stepford wife and it wouldn't have mattered!!

Remember that when you even begin to blame yourself. You did NOTHING wrong. HE did this to himself and you and the family. People like him are never satisfied and refuse to take any responsibility for their unhappiness.

People who are empty cannot be filled by anything outside. They are black holes. Until they fill themselves, they are going to keep taking from others in hopes of curing what they lack.

Love yourself. You're worth it. Face your self. You need to do it.

Posts: 383 | Registered: Aug 2012

gonnabe2016♀ 34823Member # 34823

Posted: 9:47 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014

I was a Stepford wife -- didn't matter. Still wasn't enough. My serial-cheating stbx has a *hole in his bucket.*

You will dump this dodo and you will go on to have an authentic life with someone who will appreciate your goodness.

You did nothing to deserve this betrayal.
{{{mj}}}

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

You are right. This is not your fault. Coming from a WS, I can tell you that it was their decision. Not yours. I failed to communicate with my spouse and instead went somewhere else to deal with it. That is MY fault. NOT his. Even though he tries to put some of the blame on his past, I don't let him. I know I decided to do what I did without thinking. It had nothing to do with him. I feel so bad for what I have done and wish I could go back in time to fix it, but I can't. I do want to say though that I am very sorry you are going through this. Nobody deserves this kind of treatment...ever. I hope everything works out for you whichever way you want it to go.

Me: WS (32)
Him: BS (34)
Married 2003
3 Children
D-day: Jan. 16, 2014

Posts: 28 | Registered: Feb 2014

beautytoashes5♀ 41900Member # 41900

Posted: 10:26 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014

(((Mj052)))
We don't deserve this. You are so right. It feels good seeing it.
Thanks.

Posts: 112 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Southern California

cluless♀ 40538Member # 40538

Posted: 1:35 AM, February 21st (Friday), 2014

I know we don't deserve it, but I find myself thinking quite a bit that I sure wish he would hurt like I'm hurting.

I'm sure all of us have "thought" about cheating at one point or another, but we don't because of our moral beliefs, fear of failure, there is a whole host of "roadblocks" we put in our way. Is it so incredibility wrong for me to want my husband to feel what I feel"? I also feel that if I let go of this anger/resentment, then it's going to somehow make what he did "alright" and I wont be able to talk about this if I need to.

To me, when you take your vows in front of God, Family, and Friends, you either mean them or your don't. Mine didn't, what do to.

People who are empty cannot be filled by anything outside. They are black holes. Until they fill themselves, they are going to keep taking from others in hopes of curing what they lack.

This is the realization that turned things around for me. Now I know Wh's As had nothing to do with me or our status, it all has to do with him.

Me BS 33 Him WS 37
Together 6 years, married almost 4 years
D-day: 07/23/13 EA with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out about a past kiss
D-day: 05/30/16 Saw first text message from new COW
D-day: 09-08-16 Dr. Fone confirmed EA