Leading WIth NLP : Essential Leadership Skills for Influencing and Managing People

The most effective way to learn leadership is through Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), a set of skills for psychologically influencing people. NLP includes body language, verbal cues and a host of other practical methods. This is the only NLP title to focus on Leadership.

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L EADING
WITH
NLP
ESSENTIAL LEADERSHIP SKILLS FOR
INFLUENCING AND MANAGING PEOPLE
Joseph O’Connor
PerfectBound
An e-book from HarperCollins Publishers
77-85 Fulham Palace Road
Hammersmith, London W6 8JB
Thorson edition published 2001 ISBN 0-7225-3767-0
Copyright (c) Joseph O’ Connor 2001
Joseph O’ Connor asserts the moral right to be identified as
the author of this work
Illustrations by Jennie Dooge
Adobe eBook Reader edition v 1.
May 2001
ISBN 0-00-713130-5
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any
form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying,
recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the
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CONTENTS
W HAT IS NLP?
T HE T HIRTEEN P RESUPPOSITIONS
NLP ON THE I NTERNET
I NTRODUCTION : T HE L EADER ’ S J OURNEY
v
viii
xi
xiv
1. S TARTING THE J OURNEY
first steps
vision
sharing your vision
leaders in perspective
1
1
7
11
17
2. L EADERSHIP SUBSTANCE , STYLE
the three pillars of leadership
leadership style
the shadow side
pacing and leading
your leadership credentials
AND SHADOW
25
27
36
40
45
48
3. V ISION AND VALUES
values
organizational vision
55
55
61
4. O N THE R OAD
motivation
rewards and penalties
values and integrity
signposts to the future
reluctance
the dark side of change
71
71
76
84
87
89
95
5. G UIDES AND R ULES OF THE R OAD
mentors
unpacking skills
leaders and losers
balancing task and relationship
the rules of the road
Roman law and common law
learning
solutions and resolutions
organizational learning
101
101
107
112
117
121
121
127
132
134
6. G AMES AND G UARDIANS
rules, laws and boundaries
trust
the prisoner’s dilemma
games and meta games
beliefs and assumptions
the channel of experience
139
139
141
148
152
155
163
7. C HANGE AND C HALLENGE
systems thinking
perspectives
cause and effect
thinking in circles
boundaries and horizons
blame and responsibility
change and balance
Scylla and Charybdis
the edge of chaos
the power law
167
169
171
179
181
186
188
192
195
198
201
8. C ONCLUSION
207
A PPENDIX : R ESOURCES
training and consultancy
B IBLIOGRAPHY
A BOUT THE A UTHOR
213
213
215
217
WHAT IS NLP?
Neuro-Linguistic programming is the study of our subjective
experience; how we create what passes for reality in our
minds. It deals with questions like:
• How do you do what you do?
• How is it possible that two people can talk and each have a
different idea of what was agreed?
• How come some people are talented and seem more naturally gifted than others?
• How do we create our feelings of happiness and sadness?
NLP also studies brilliance and quality – how outstanding
individuals and organisations get their outstanding results.
The methods can be taught to others so they too can get the
same class of results. This is called modelling.
NLP has grown by adding practical tools and methods generated by modelling exceptional people. These tools are used
internationally in sports, business, training, sales, law and
education.
NLP is the systemic study of human communication.
NLP has its own presuppositions or beliefs – principles of
action.
What is NLP?
Modelling
“NLP is an accelerated learning strategy for the detection
and utilisation of patterns in the world.” John Grinder
Modelling is the basis of NLP, and is the process that created all the existing NLP techniques. Modelling a skill means
finding out how someone does a skill so that it can be taught
to others, allowing them to get the same sort of results.
Modelling has one basic principle:
If one person can do something then it is possible to
model it and teach it to others.
The first NLP model was the Meta Model (modelled from
Virginia Satir and Fritz Perls and refined using ideas from
Chomsky’s Transformational Grammar). The second model
was representational systems and the third was the Milton Model
(modelled from Milton Erickson).
A model is an edited, distorted and generalised copy of the
original and therefore there can never be complete. A model
is not in any sense ‘true’: it can be judged only by whether it
works or doesn’t work. If it works, it allows another person to
get the same class of results as the original person from
whom the model was taken.
You can never get exactly the same results as the person
you model, because everyone is different, each learner will
assemble the modelled elements in their own unique way.
Modelling does not create clones – it gives you the opportunity to go beyond your present limitations.
Modelling outstanding people created the basic patterns
of NLP. For NLP to survive as a discipline, as a body of knowledge and methodology, it needs to continue to create more
models from every field – including sport, business, sales,
education, consultancy, training, law, relationships, parenting and health. The possibilities are limitless. For example,
What is NLP?
you can model:
•
•
•
•
•
•
How a person stays in good health or overcomes an illness
Excellent sales skills
Leadership skills
Outstanding athletic achievements
Excellent teachers
Strategic thinking
An NLP model normally consists of:
•
•
•
•
•
The mental strategies.
The beliefs and values.
The physiology.
External behaviour
The context in which the person being modelled is operating.
The full process of modelling involves:
•
•
•
•
•
•
elicitation
coding
utilisation
propagation
discovering patterns of experience
describing those patterns in terms of NLP distinctions, creating new distinctions or using the distinctions taken from
the person being modelled
• exploring ways to use those patterns
• creating a teaching method to transfer the model to others.
THE THIRTEEN PRESUPPOSITIONS
The thirteen presuppositions are the central principles of
NLP; they are its guiding philosophy, its ‘beliefs’. These principles do not claim to be universal, and you don’t have to
believe they are true. They are called presuppositions simply
because you pre-suppose them to be true and then act as if
they were. You then discover what happens. If you like the
results then continue to act as if they are true. They form a
set of ethical principles for life.
The Presuppositions of NLP
1. People respond to their experience, not to reality itself.
We do not know what reality is. Our senses, beliefs, and past
experience give us a map of the world from which to operate.
A map can never be exactly accurate; otherwise it would be
the same as the ground it covers. We do not know the territory, so for us, the map is the territory. Some maps are better
than others for finding your way around. We navigate life like
a ship through a dangerous area of sea; as long as the map
shows the main hazards, we will be fine. When maps are
faulty and do not show the dangers, then we are in danger of
running aground. NLP is the art of changing these maps, so
we have greater freedom of action.
2. Having a choice is better than not having a choice.
Always try to have a map for yourself that gives you the widest
and richest number of choices. Act always to increase choice.
The more choices you have, the freer you are and the more
influence you have.
The Thirteen Presuppositions
3. People make the best choice they can at the time.
A person always makes the best choice they can, given their
map of the world. The choice may be self-defeating, bizarre
or evil, but for them, it seems the best way forward. Give them
a better choice in their map of the world and they will take it.
Even better give them a superior map with more choices in
it.
4. People work perfectly.
No one is wrong or broken. They are carrying out their
strategies perfectly, but the strategies may be poorly designed
and ineffective. Find out how you and others do what they do
so their strategy can be changed to something more useful
and desirable.
5. All actions have a purpose.
Our actions are not random; we are always trying to achieve
something, although we may not be aware of what that is.
6. Every behaviour has a positive intention.
All our actions have at least one purpose – to achieve something that we value and benefits us. NLP separates the intention or purpose behind an action from the action itself. A
person is not their behaviour. When a person has a better
choice of behaviour that also achieves their positive intention, they will take it.
7. The unconscious mind balances the conscious; it is not
malicious.
The unconscious is everything that is not in consciousness at
the present moment. It contains all the resources we need to
live in balance.
8. The meaning of the communication is not simply what you
intend, but also the response you get.
This response may be different to the one you wanted. There
are no failures in communication, only responses and feedback. If you are not getting the result you want, change what
you are doing. Take responsibility for the communication.
The Thirteen Presuppositions
9. We already have all the resources we need, or we can create them.
There are no unresourceful people, only unresourceful
states of mind.
10. Mind and body form a system. They are different expressions of the one person.
Mind and body interact and mutually influence each other. It
is not possible to make a change in one without the other
being affected. When we think differently, our bodies
change. When we act differently we change our thoughts and
feelings.
11. We process all information through our senses.
Developing your senses so they become more acute gives you
better information and helps you think more clearly.
12. Modelling successful performance leads to excellence.
If one person can do something it is possible to model it and
teach it to others. In this way everyone can learn to get better
results in their own way, you do not become a clone of the
model – you learn from them
13. If you want to understand – act!
The learning is in the doing.
NLP ON THE INTERNET
There’s plenty of NLP on the net – this is a shortened list. We
have aimed to list main NLP information sites rather than
individual NLP training organisations.
NLP and DHE General Information Server (www.nlp.org)
Information and articles, reviews of books and training, and
links to many training organisations. An excellent site.
NLP and Hypnosis (www.nlp.com/flashindex.html)
This site is great for NLP and hypnosis, with sample scripts.
Run by Advanced Neurodynamics, an NLP training organisation in Honolulu, it also has a section on Huna, the Hawaiian
spiritual science.
news:alt.psychology.nlp
The NLP newsgroup. Sort the noise from the melody, the
pearls from the swine, the flames from the flumes.
nlptalk
The main NLP e-mail discussion group. To subscribe, send
an e-mail message with ‘subscribe nlptalk your name’ in the
message body to nlptalk-reserve@egroups.com
The Society of NLP (www.purenlp.com/)
Site for the Society of NLP run by John LaValle.
Richard Bandler Institute (www.purenlp.com/1stinst.htm)
Richard Bandler’s institute of NLP with articles by Richard
and his seminar schedule.
Robert Dilts home page (www.nlpu.com/)
Robert Dilts writings and the home of the NLP University at
Santa Cruz, Systemic Solutions International and the
Dynamic Learning Institute.
NLP on the Internet
Anchor Point Magazine (www.nlpanchorpoint.com/)
Excellent monthly magazine with developments and practical applications in NLP and related technologies
The NLP Information Center (www.nlpinfo.com/)
Another good general site with many links. It also sells NLP
books.
The NLP FAQ (www.rain.org/~da5e/nlpfaq.html)
Questions and answers about NLP.
NLP World (www.unil.ch/angl/docs/nlpworld/)
Well produced and engaging magazine published three
times a year – the intercultural journal on the theory and
practice of NLP.
Merl’s World
(ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/PatrickM/nlp_home.htm)
A good reference site. Nearly 100 NLP book reviews, plus lists
of NLP trainers and organisations worldwide.
Honest Abe’s Emporium
(www3.mistral.co.uk/bradburyac/nlplinx.html)
Andy Bradbury’s detailed NLP book reviews, frequently
asked questions (FAQs) and useful links.
International Association for the Study of Health (IASH)
(www.iash.org/)
IASH is allied to the health certification trainings. Many
resources for NLP applied to good health and well being.
IDEA Seminars, Inc. (www.idea-seminars.com/)
Training center NLP run by Rex and Caroline Sykes.
Seminars provides high quality NLP training for everyone.
Mastery InSight Institute of NLP
(www.altfeld.com/mastery/)
100 pages of information on trainings, also the logs recorded
during scheduled chats on NLP on IRC.
The English Association of NLP (ANLP) (www.anlp.org/)
Ten years old this year and still standing.
NLP on the Internet
Directory of NLP and Time Line Therapy Resources
(easysearch.hypermart.net/nlp.htm)
A resource list of trainers, educators, health professionals,
consultants, therapists, counselors, etc who use NLP and/or
Time Line Therapy as part of their practice.
Brian Van der Horst - NLP website
(hammer.prohosting.com/~brianvdh/)
A good website of NLP resources by my friend Brian.
Neurosemantics Website (www.neurosemantics.com/)
Website of articles and resources on neurosemantics and
NLP.
Active Choice NLP (www.acnlp.no/)
An NLP training institute in Norway.
NLP-Platform (nlp-platform.com/nlp/)
NLP site in Belgium with many links and resources
INTRODUCTION:
THE LEADER’S JOURNEY
Two people died in the same week in August 1997, Princess
Diana in Paris and Mother Teresa in Calcutta. They could
hardly have been more different on the surface. Princess
Diana was rich, famous, beautiful and controversial. Mother
Teresa was an elderly Albanian nun who slept on a hard bed
and worked with the poor and sick on the streets of Calcutta.
Yet both touched people’s hearts; they were loved and respected as well as being international figures. They were
leaders. When they died, people who had never met them
mourned them. Why?
Because both were not perfect icons but real people with
human frailties that others could identify with. They were
like us, yet they expressed something of the best in us –
something of what we are and could be. These two people
were in the public eye, like many others we regard as leaders
– politicians, artists, musicians and businessmen – but leadership is more than a job description. Leadership is a way of
acting and a way of being that we all can have, not something
‘out there’, something for other, famous people. At every
level leaders have the ability to help people, express their
hopes and carry their fears. I would like this book to demystify leadership, taking it down from its high pedestal and
making it a natural part of life.
In the past, leaders were the rich, the powerful and the
famous, great kings, warlords, scientists and thinkers, outstanding artists or craftsmen, or giants of commerce.
Literature and history hold them up as examples and it
seems we can only aspire to be pale copies. Over the twentieth century there has been a profound democratization in
Leading with NLP
almost every aspect of human life, except leadership. At
first sight this seems to make sense – after all, we can’t all be
leaders, can we? No. Not if we continue to accept a narrow
definition of leadership based on power, high profile and
wide authority.
Let us reclaim leadership to its original meaning: taking a
path or going on a journey. Leadership is the journey itself,
the activity, not the destination – a stimulating and fulfilling
journey where planning and preparation are also important
and enjoyable in their own right.
I see leadership skills as the most important resource we
have to develop to deal with the capricious times in which we
live. That we live in times of rapid change is a truism – we
have to adapt to the sort of breakneck changes in one lifetime that previously would have taken generations. In the
world of business, markets and strategies change fast. We are
on a high-technology carousel that never seems to slow
down. The carousel spins with bewildering speed as we strive
to deal with the present and shape the future but with
systems and organizations designed to cope with the past.
We have more information, but knowledge – information
that matters and makes a difference – is as hard as ever to
acquire. We take a sieve to the torrent of information that
drenches us every day and hope to catch something of value.
How can we pin down leadership, one of the most talked
about and written about subjects in business? Is it charisma? Influence? Inspiration? Stewardship? Yes. It may be. Because the
reason you set out on your journey, your chosen destination,
who you travel with and how you travel may all vary. That’s
what is so infuriating and valuable about leadership. There are
many roads, many destinations and many ways to travel.
So why learn to be a leader? To be involved in what really
matters to you. To be able to do what inspires and moves
you. To have companions on your journey. In any area where
you want more influence you must be a leader.
Leadership has a paradox at its centre – while greatly
prized, you cannot grab it for yourself directly. It is a gift
which can only be given by others. Being a leader has no
Introduction
meaning without others who choose to travel with you. A
leader all alone is like the sound of one hand clapping.
So this book represents a journey in three senses. First it
has travellers’ tales from leaders on their path. What was it
like for them? What did they find? Where are the pitfalls and
the dragons on the path? What essential travel equipment do
we need? These tales come from all over the world. Secondly,
this book is a practical tour guide for you to prepare in your
imagination what you want to do in reality. Thirdly, this book
is itself a journey. I have a plan and a vision of what it will be
about and what it will do. I have my map, but the writing has
a momentum and direction of its own and right now I do not
know exactly what route we will take. I know where we need
to arrive, but there are many fascinating sights to see, sounds
to hear and places to explore on the way. We do not know
what exactly we shall find in them and there may be some
unscheduled stops on the way.
This is a personal view of leadership. For me, three areas of
leadership stand out: self-development, influencing and
communication skills, and systemic thinking.
First, being a leader means developing yourself. You need
to be strong and resourceful in order to make the journey.
As you become a leader, you find resources in yourself you
did not know you had. You become more yourself, because a
leader’s greatest influence comes from who they are, what
they do and the example they set. Secondly, a leader inspires
others to join them on the road, so leadership involves communication and influencing skills. Otherwise you are a lone
traveller, not a leader. Thirdly, a leader must look towards
their destination, as well as paying attention to where they
have been and where they are. Without such a road map,
however strong they may be and however many companions
they may have, they may get lost down a cul-de-sac or stuck
in a swamp. A leader needs to understand the system they
are part of, to see beyond the obvious, beyond the immediate situation, to sense how events connect to deeper
patterns. So leadership is a combination of who you are, the
Leading with NLP
skills and talents you have, and your understanding of the
situation or the context you are in. While these elements
are universal, you will put the pieces together in a way
unique to you.
You can use this book in any area of your life where
you want the benefits of being a leader. I will concentrate,
however, on business examples because leadership is so important in business and business holds so many opportunities to be a leader.
Leadership is no easy ‘faddish’ package that you can hand
out as part of a corporate restructure to solve all your problems. It needs work; you need to develop the ability to
respond to challenge as well as deal with the specific challenges that arise in the course of your business. I want to
look at leadership from the inside as well as the outside.
What are the most useful ways to think about managing a
business? What skills are needed? Leadership holds some answers to these questions.
The Management Agenda, a report published by the Roffey
Park Management Institute in 1998, contained the replies
of a sample of managers to questions on work issues. Many
were critical of senior managers for lacking leadership. At
the same time, they said that they themselves were expected to be leaders, yet they had no training on what this
involved or how to adjust to this new identity. There seems
to be a need for leadership in business and at the same
time a vacuum about what this means in practice and how
to make the change.
Leadership is part of, and the result of, the great changes
in management practice in the last 20 years. It replaces the
old ‘command and control’ model of running an organization. ‘Command and control’, based on a military mentality,
was appropriate in a different social climate and a stable
business environment. Now this stability has gone, a casualty
of a frenetic pace of change, new values of self-esteem and
individual responsibility and a business culture that values
employability above employment. In most business organizations, particularly in the Western world, we just do not
Introduction
obey orders any more – at least not without good reason. But
leaders are still needed, both to guide the organization and
to develop others as leaders.
Leadership is not a quality that can be rationed or controlled; rather, it is based on purpose, vision and values:
purpose to set the destination, vision to see where you are
going and values to guide you on the way towards a successful and sustainable future.
When I think of how organizational leadership could be,
I think of the flight of a flock of birds. I watched a flock of
starlings swoop over the horse chestnut trees close to where
I live a few days ago. The birds moved together in beautiful
and intricate patterns, moving away and then sweeping
back, describing a sort of figure of eight, but no pass was
quite like any other. How did they do it? There were one or
more birds at the front, but they were not issuing orders to
the others, telling them exactly how to move so they all
stayed together. The leader (if the one at the front was the
leader) was different every time they passed over my head.
Yet somehow they not only flew together, but also kept in
formation. They could adjust in a split second to keep the
pattern, but the pattern was never identical from moment
to moment. How did they stay together in that marvellous
formation like liquid rolling through the air? How do starlings organize themselves, keeping their individuality and
yet being part of a wider coherent group? There seems to be
an intelligence that emerges from the group, coming from
the intelligence of each member, yet larger than that possessed by any individual.
Leaders face the organizational challenge of creating the
context where that larger intelligence can emerge without
diminishing the individuals in any way. The more the individuals use their own intelligence to the full for themselves,
the smarter the group becomes. This is the puzzle and the
challenge of how individual and organizational learning
work together. So, here is the secret of organizational leadership. How do you develop each person as a leader and get
them all to fly in formation?
Leading with NLP
What resources do we have to help us achieve this? NeuroLinguistic Programming (NLP) is a broad field that began in
the mid-1970s modelling excellent communicators – finding
out how they did what they did so well. NLP models how we
do what we do. In essence it studies the structure of subjective experience – how we create our own unique internal
world from what we see, hear and feel, and how in turn our
mental world shapes what we allow ourselves to see, hear and
feel. NLP has modelled top people in every field – managers,
salespeople, teachers and trainers – in order to teach others
these skills, so they do not have to reinvent the wheel. It has
a wealth of material from leaders – how they think and what
they believe.
NLP is made up of three parts:
• ‘Neuro’ is our neurology – how we think and feel.
• ‘Linguistic’ is the language part – what we say, how we
say it and how we are influenced by what we hear.
• ‘Programming’ is how we act to achieve our results.
NLP helps us to understand what leaders do and how they
get their results, so you can take those parts that suit you and
that fit in with your values and beliefs. You don’t copy them,
you learn from them to achieve your goals. Whatever skills you
have, NLP can help you make more of them. It also gives
practical ways of developing those skills, not an intellectual
appreciation of how nice the skills would be to have or how
great they are in other people. NLP is a valuable guide on
the leader’s journey.
Our second guide on the journey is systemic thinking –
thinking in terms of feedback and relationships, seeing patterns, not isolated events. Leaders have to understand the
system they are in, and systems do not operate logically,
small changes can produce large effects and these need not
occur in the same place or at the same time as the cause.
Straight-line cause and effect thinking does not work in business organizations, because they are complex systems. There
may be many effects from just one change. Also, what you do
Introduction
to solve a problem may actually perpetuate it, or even make
it worse in the long run. But when you think systemically, you
think past the obvious to the dynamic patterns that generate
a problem.
A third resource is the insights from the discipline of complexity science. Complexity is the application of systems
thinking to complex systems (like business organizations)
that behave in complicated ways. Recent research has given
us some fascinating insights into complex systems that we
can tentatively apply to business. For example, a few simple
rules can generate very complex behaviour. What are the
rules that hold the flock of birds together and how might
those rules map over into creating a prosperous and
successful organization? We can make some interesting speculations. Also, there seems to be an optimum point for a
business – between the indolence of too much deadening
procedure and the chaos of too much change. Too much
order and the business becomes inflexible, too rigid to react
quickly enough to the demands of the external market or
the demands of the people within it. Too much freedom and
the organization does not work either: rules change too
quickly and people become disoriented and confused. People can learn best at the delicately poised point of balance
between the two extremes. How can an organization get
to this ‘edge of chaos’ with enough creativity to adapt
to change, but within a structure stable enough to operate
effectively? Getting to this edge is one of the main tasks of an
organizational leader.
Finally, complex systems are not predictable. In theory they
may be, but as the old saying goes, ‘In theory there shouldn’t
be a difference between theory and practice, but in practice,
there always is.’ Complete control is impossible, and even if it
were, it would be the kiss of death. There is no book, method
or consultant that can tell you how to push the river (although
many claim credit that it is their pushing that causes the river
to move). But that does not mean you are helpless. Quite the
opposite. It is a tremendous relief to admit that you cannot
predict and therefore cannot entirely control a complex
Leading with NLP
organization. You can give up trying. Now you can start to see
how the organization really works and allow it to organize itself in the best way. This is a leader’s work.
NLP explores how people think and the results they get.
Complexity and systems thinking explore the organizations
they create as they work together. These ideas are fascinating
and practical – which is why I write about them. Together
they are the basis of our map.
Organizations are fond of saying that the quality of the
people who work in them gives them their competitive edge.
At the risk of being heretical, I doubt this very much. Every
organization has excellent people of high quality. The leaders
make the difference. They determine the quality of the
experience of working in that business, they weave that
indefinable, yet very important fabric – the organizational
culture. At the same time, I believe everyone in an organization can be a leader in some way. I hope this book is a step
towards making this possible and real.
How to Use This Book
My goal in this book is to weave the three strands of leadership
into a thread to guide you through the twists and turns of the
leader’s path. There are suggestions and exercises to develop
yourself as a leader, to influence others in any situation where
you are called on to lead, and to learn systemic thinking skills
and apply them in a professional business context.
There are seven sections:
• The first begins the journey. It starts with your vision –
why be a leader? What does it mean?
• The second section deals with different types of leaders
and styles of leadership, explaining how when, where
and why they are useful.
• The third section starts to move away from the present
and looks at vision, values and purpose, both organizational and individual.
Introduction
• The fourth looks at motivation and how to build it, also
the dark side of leadership, the difficulties and obstacles.
• The fifth deals with resources on the journey — the
maps, guides and rules of the road.
• The sixth looks at the guardians you will meet on the way
and how to overcome them, how to build trust and be
trust-worthy.
• The guardians are not only external difficulties such as
resistance from other people and organizational inertia,
but also your own internal resistances and blocks.
• The seventh section is about the skills and responsibilities you face as a leader and how you might get a
business to fly in formation.
• The last section is about passing on the skills you have
learned to others through coaching and mentoring. It
also has a summary of the principles of leadership.
• There is also a resource section at the end with a
bibliography.
Use this book to form your leadership skills, to develop yourself and others. Use it to stimulate ideas for dealing with
management problems.
However, this book alone won’t make you a leader. I have
a friend who is a fitness fanatic. He buys all the magazines, is
a member of a well-equipped gym and has an exercise bicycle in his bedroom. Yet the only exercise he gets is when he
lifts the piles of health and fitness magazines from bedside
table to bookcase. He tells me he really will do some exercise
– but he just does not have time right now. And he always
seems to have something more important to do. He wants
the health and well-being that exercise will bring him, but
without doing the work.
Bearing this in mind, if you are ready, I invite you to step
out on the first stage of the leader’s journey.
STARTING THE JOURNEY
1
First Steps
Why do you want to develop as a leader? What do you want
to achieve? A leader is going somewhere. Why move if you
are happy with what you have?
We move for only two reasons: either we are unhappy where
we are and want to be somewhere else, or we sense something
better and are drawn towards it. However good our life, we get
used to it and then we want more; our imagination always
soars beyond our present state. The energy to start comes
from our conviction within, coupled with a push from the outside. This call to adventure and the urge to play with the
unknown has given us our art, music, science and commerce.
Leadership comes from our natural striving to constantly
reinvent ourselves. You do not need external permission to
be a leader. Nor do you need any qualifications or position
of authority. Leadership does not depend on what you do already. Many people in positions of authority are not leaders;
they may have the title but not the substance. Others have
the substance, but no title. Leadership comes from the reality of what you do and how you think, not from your title or
nominal responsibilities. Leadership blooms when the soil
and climate is right, but the seed comes from within. So the
only permission you need to begin is your own. The moment
you say to yourself, ‘I can be a leader,’ you have already
rolled up the map, put on your boots, got up from your easy
chair and taken the first step on the journey.
Irish folklore tells the story of a group of tourists enjoying
a walk in the countryside. They had a map, but even so, by
2 Leading with NLP
early afternoon, they found themselves lost. The sky clouded
over, the wind whipped the leaves around their feet and the
first spots of warm rain began to fall on their faces. They decided to make for Roundmarsh, which, according to the
map, was the nearest town. After an hour, unable to see
through the curtain of rain, they decided to ask for directions. Walking on for half a mile, the rain eased off and they
met a local man walking his dog in the opposite direction.
‘Excuse me,’ said the tourist leader, ‘we are a little lost.
Can you tell us how to get to Roundmarsh?’
The man stared into the distance at nothing in particular
and considered the question very seriously.
‘Roundmarsh?’ he muttered. ‘Roundmarsh? Hmm. That’s
a problem. If I wanted to get to Roundmarsh, I wouldn’t
start from here.’
It is always easier to get to where you are going when you
know where you are. In the words of Max de Pree, the retired CEO of Herman Miller, ‘A leader’s task is to define
reality.’ The leader puts a stake in the ground and says,
‘Here we are, what is possible?’ Two thousand years ago, a
Chinese proverb gave much the same soundbite: ‘Gain
power by accepting reality.’ The ancients steal all our best
ideas. But accepting reality by knowing where you are is the
first step of every journey.
We need to ask three basic questions:
Where are we going?
Why are we going there at all?
How do we want to get there?
Then, as this is a leadership journey, we need to ask more
questions:
What resources do we have to help us?
What are our limits and our strengths?
What traps do we need to avoid?
What do we know about leaders?
Who are they and what do they do?
Starting the Journey 3
What kind of models do we have for leadership?
Do we have a good map?
Why start the journey anyway? What prompts you? What
draws you to being a leader? Unusual circumstances? A personal crisis? Perhaps a person has come into your life and
changed your thinking. We all have defining moments in
our lives and often a person will act as a leader for you.
Sometimes we recognize it at the time, but not always.
I remember a seminar I attended a few years ago with
Eloise Ristad, a marvellous teacher who was Professor of
Piano at Colorado University. She gave workshops on music
and performance anxiety, a big problem for many classical
musicians. They are expected to give a flawless performance,
‘speaking’ with their instrument, which needs constant practice to master. The pressure can reduce solo instrumentalists
to glassy-eyed paralysis, like a rabbit caught in the glare of a
car’s headlights. Musicians are taught to play their instrument at college, but they are given little guidance on how to
perform it. Eloise had written a book called A Soprano on her
Head 1 which I admired very much. She had a unorthodox
approach to teaching music, in which she used all sorts of
ways to interrupt performers’ stuck patterns. The title of the
book came from the way she cured a singer of stage fright.
She asked this singer (who was tongue tied in her presence
and could hardly croak a note) to stand on her head and
then sing. Ridiculous! And yet it worked. You might say it
gave her a whole new perspective on singing. It was certainly
the beginning of the resumption of her interrupted singing
career.
I remember coming back from that workshop thinking, ‘I
can write a book too.’ The fact that I had not written anything beyond school essays at that time didn’t seem to
matter. A year later the manuscript was finished and it
started me on a journey as a writer.
The call is when you suddenly recognize you want to
change. One of my friends told me his turning point. He was
with a textile firm, in name a manager but in reality a glori-
4 Leading with NLP
fied clerk. His boss seemed to know less and work less than
he did, and he referred to his in-tray as ‘Hell’ because it
seemed to be a bottomless pit of torture and was always full.
His out-tray was ‘the ocean’ because it was impossible to
empty. Quite appropriately, the depth of Hell was how the
boss decided what sort of worker you were. One Wednesday
morning, after a longer than usual drive to work through the
rush-hour traffic, a client blamed my friend loudly and publicly for something he knew nothing about. ‘That’s it!’ he
shouted as he slammed the telephone down. ‘I’m leaving!’
And he did, after tipping the contents of his in-tray on his
manager’s desk. He started his own business, where he earns
less than he did before, but he is immeasurably happier, joining the ranks of the self-employed who have a tolerant and
sometimes indulgent employer. He refers to that Wednesday
as ‘the day that all Hell broke loose’.
It can be a chance remark from a friend can set you
searching, or a new project at work, a manager who becomes
a mentor, moving house, starting a romantic relationship,
becoming a parent. In the popular rendition of chaos theory, a butterfly flapping its wings in Beijing can conceivably
cause a hurricane in Texas, such is the complexity, interconnectedness and unpredictability of the world’s weather
system. (If it worked the other way round, that would be the
real miracle.) Our social relationships are at least as complex
as the weather, so I have no trouble believing that a few
words from someone in the right place at the right time can
totally change your life.
You are called – to what? Let us look at this enigmatic quality ‘leadership’ more closely. The word deceives us in its
simplicity. It does not mean the same for everyone. Ideas
about leadership and what constitutes a good leader have
changed throughout history. They also differ from culture to
culture. For example, the American individualistic and challenging style of leadership is very different from the
Japanese style of leadership. A good leader in Japan seeks
consensus; they call it nema washi, meaning ‘digging around
Starting the Journey 5
the roots’. The phrase comes from the practice of cutting
around a tree a few weeks before you want to move it. The
cut roots start sprouting new growth, so when they move the
tree, new growth takes hold straight away. The cutting also
prepares the tree more gradually for the move than uprooting it in one go. But if they find too many roots, that is, a host
of objections, Japanese leaders tend to withdraw and
continue discussions. They will not usually bring an issue to
a vote until they feel that most people will agree. The debate
is over before the meeting.
Whatever their style, something that all leaders share is influence. We may see influential people on television, in
films, in politics or at work, meet them socially or read about
them in the press. We may admire them and want to copy
them because they get things done, they stand for something
important, something we want to be part of. We bestow
‘leadership’ on them. So leadership does not exist as an independent quality; it only exists between people. It describes
a relationship. ‘Followers’ are the other half of leaders. They
go together.
Leadership has long been associated with authority – we
tend to concentrate on the leader, to think of them as innately superior in some way, and take the followers for
granted. But formal authority is only one possible part of
leadership. Many leaders do not have it. In some cases, perhaps ‘companionship’ better describes the relationship
between leader and followers.
As leadership connects people in this way, I do not think
it can be fully modelled from the outside by giving lists of
how leaders act, culled from the study of other leaders. It can
only be modelled from the inside, by each of us developing
the values, beliefs and qualities we need to realize and
achieve our purpose in life, to bring out our vision of what is
possible. Then others will join us. We will be leaders first to
ourselves and then to our companions.
6 Leading with NLP
Thought Experiment 1
How do you think of ‘leadership’? What comes into
your mind? Try it now.
What are the qualities of your mental picture?
Is it still or moving?
How far away does it appear to be?
Is it in colour or black and white?
Are you in the picture?
How do you feel about your picture?
‘Leadership’ an abstract noun and for many people
the word conjures up a still picture, a frieze of troops on
the battlefield or sometimes a symbol.
Now think of ‘leading’.
What comes into your mind?
What are the qualities of your mental picture now?
How are they different?
How do you feel about this picture?
‘Leading’ is a verb and that means action, movement.
Your mental pictures can spring to life.
When you think about ‘leadership’, remember the
reality behind the word – leaders act. They move towards something. They excite action; they transform
people and change how they think. Leadership as an
abstract noun languishes as a theoretical concept with
no life or movement – interesting, but kept safely at
arm’s length like a museum exhibit.2
Think of a leader. Who comes to mind? A military leader
like the Duke of Wellington, Napoleon, Winston
Churchill or General Schwartzkopf? A political leader like
Tony Blair, President Kennedy, Margaret Thatcher or Bill
Clinton? Or a religious leader like Christ, Mohammed
Starting the Journey 7
and the Buddha? What of the humanitarian leaders like
Mother Teresa and Albert Schweitzer, popular charismatic figures like Princess Diana, or film stars, music stars
or top figures in the world of fashion?
Leaders form a very varied group, all strong characters who arouse passions both for and against. Yet they
all have something in common that defines them as
leaders – they have influence. They move people.
Vision
Leadership starts with a vision, a tantalizing glimpse of a possible future. A vision sounds very grand, but it has just two
simple qualities: it inspires you to act, and involves and inspires others to act as well.
We all have our individual visions; leadership is about taking those and developing them into something greater, more
fulfilling and more influential. We all try to shape the future
by striving to make our dreams real. The question is, what
dreams are you making real right now and are they really
worthwhile? If you are not making your dreams real, why not?
Think of the future like a dark cave – Aladdin’s cave. You
wait, poised on the threshold. The cave goes back into the
darkness, swallowing the shadows cast by the pool of light at
the entrance. The atmosphere is full of possibilities; you
hear stealthy sounds. You know both treasures and dangers
exist here, but neither what nor where they are. Some objects in the cave are within easy reach and many people are
content to stay at the entrance, happy with what they can
take from the ante-room. But to find greater treasure you
need to trust yourself to walk further into the cave.
There is no light switch here, only your ideas can provide
the light to see further. You are the leader here. Perhaps
there are others clustered by the entrance waiting to hear
what you find, or create.
8 Leading with NLP
Aladdin’s cave
Your ideas burn brightly for an instant, like a flare, and
just for a second you and the others glimpse the riches
around you and some of the guardians that you will have to
overcome later. The flare dies and you rub your eyes, but the
image persists in your mind, the impression stays with you.
You know what you want and you know the direction in
which it lies.
The initial flaring light has died down and become a
torch, not so bright, but light enough to navigate by. People
join you from the doorway and together you make your way
into the depths of the cave. They light their own torches
from yours as they go. Soon you have much more light, you
can see further. No wonder more people are attracted to
your band – you have plenty of light and you know where
you are going. You make more detailed maps, the cave becomes more familiar. And still you have that first bright
image in your mind that you can rekindle when the journey
Starting the Journey 9
becomes hard and you meet unforeseen obstacles and
guardians.
The cave changes while you move, you create new challenges, new pitfalls and new shortcuts by your advance.
Sometimes you have to light another flare. You may be
drawn deep into the cave, through fantastic landscapes. You
may travel to the end of cul-de-sacs, or be distracted by superficially attractive but worthless trinkets at the side of the
road, or even discover places you want to stay, but whatever
happens you are committed to the journey, to going forward. You do not go back.
The same process powers our vision of a better life or a
more competitive business. A leader always leads somewhere,
even when the journey is inspired by a desire to get out of
trouble. For example, 1992 was a disastrous year for the
American retailer Sears, Roebuck and Company. They made
a net loss of nearly four billion dollars, most of it in merchandising, on sales of just over 50 billion dollars. Sears was
turned around spectacularly the following year by Arthur
Martinez, who was head of the merchandising group, and in
1995 became CEO of the whole company. Starting from a
simple vision statement of what was called ‘the three Cs’ –
‘making Sears a compelling place to shop, a compelling
place to work and a compelling place to invest’ – the
company went from the net loss of four billion dollars to a
net income of 752 million dollars the following year, a sales
increase of more than nine per cent. Of course the vision
alone did not cause the turnaround – it was what they did,
suggested,fuelled and guided by that vision. Vision guides action. Action changes the world in the direction of your vision.
There are no guarantees on the journey, however. Sometimes vision turns out to be a trick of the light, an illusion.
What looked like a doorway turns out to be a dead end when
you get close to it. Or the vision stands real and robust
enough, but the leaders can’t find the way, their strategy was
mistaken and unfortunately there was only one chance.
Sears took it and made it work, Apple computers did neither.
Never it seems, has a company with so much good will
10 Leading with NLP
managed so consistently to lose its way. In the late 1980s,
Apple was a market leader in the computer industry with
nearly 20 per cent of the world market in computer sales. In
1997, with debts of over one and a half billion dollars, it was
a company struggling to survive. It was crushed under the
Microsoft juggernaut, but poor leadership put it under the
iron wheels in the first place. In 1998, it began a sales campaign with the slogan of ‘Think different’ and everyone
hoped that it would take its own advice.
A journey starts when you see a difference between where
you are and where you want to be, or to put it another way,
when you no longer want to be where you are. The worse the
current situation, the more difficult the journey, but you
can’t stay put either. This was the situation that faced both
Sears and Apple, and many other companies face such a
dilemma every year.
Unless you have a clear destination, you may walk in a circle and come back to where you started from, only this time
it will be worse. To avoid these circular tours, you need to
move towards something better and you need to change the
thinking that brought you into that problem situation in the
first place – you need to ‘think different’ in Apple’s engaging but ungrammatical phrase. For example, Sears thought
of themselves primarily as a men’s shopping store, but market surveys were showing that a significant number of
decisions to buy Sears merchandise were made by women.
So they changed the marketing approach and started new
lines in clothes and cosmetics. The Sears catalogue was a
national institution, it had been published for over 100
years, surely it was worth keeping? No. It was losing 10
million dollars a year, so it was scrapped. And Apple? They
were justifiably proud of their ‘insanely great’ technology,
and consistently refused to license it to the rest of the computer industry. They also targeted the educational system as
one of their primary markets, even though the results of this
policy were regularly disappointing. They believed in a
closed system and in keeping control of their technology,
not realizing that influence and success in the new economy
Starting the Journey 11
are based on connecting with others, so they can develop
your ideas and make them even more valuable. In the knowledge field, the more people use your ideas, the more
valuable they become. Apple succeeded all too well at keeping control of their ideas and thereby limiting their spread.
The prize was hollow, because its value declined. Strategic
decisions about what to license were being made by the
engineers, who did not have the strategic vision to see where
the market was heading. If ever there was a place to apply the
saying ‘a leader sees where everyone else is going and gets in
front of them’, this was it. Apple saw where everyone else was
going and stayed put where they were, believing that others
would have to come back to them. No one had to because
they were on their own. They recapitulated the error of Sony
in the 1980s with their videocassette technology called Betamax. It was generally seen to be superior to its rival VHS, but
Betamax was a closed standard and VHS an open one. VHS
became dominant in the industry and Betamax faded.
Sharing your Vision
So, not only do you need a good road map when you lead or
follow a vision, but you must also allow your experiences and
observations to refine it as you go along, and you must
be able to share it with others. A leader creates a vision with
others, or shares their own with others, and inspires them.
A shared vision takes shape.
While ‘a shared vision’ sounds rather grand, the vision
itself can be as splendid or as modest as you like. It does,
however, have to be achievable, worthwhile and inspiring,
first for yourself, and if you want to be a leader, for others
too. If it inspires you alone, then you are at best a visionary
and at worst a crank or an eccentric.
How do you make your a vision practical and achievable?
First it has to be elaborated, refined and made more specific.
Consider the following questions:
12 Leading with NLP
What is important to us?
The values or guiding principles.
What do we want to accomplish?
The destination or ultimate purpose.
How do we want to accomplish it?
The important goals and capabilities needed to achieve the
vision.
Objectives are measurable steps on the way to those goals,
they are targets that you must meet to achieve the goals. Objectives need to be measurable, so you have to decide what
to measure, how to measure and how accurately to measure.
Tasks are the work you have to do to achieve these objectives.
Vision
Purpose
Values
Goals
Capabilities
Measurable objects
Tasks
So, a vision is not a detailed blueprint, it’s a direction, a
combination of what you want and what you value. From this
vision you naturally set your goals. Goals are dreams with
deadlines. From the goals come a number of measurable,
smaller objectives. Also, to achieve your purpose you will
need certain qualities, and your values will guide the whole
journey.
Starting the Journey 13
Vision
A vision answers significant questions, those that can only be
answered by action:
What do I want to accomplish in my life?
What do I want to look back on having achieved?
If there were one great task I could accomplish immediately,
as if by magic, what would it be?
What have I always wanted to do – that nagging thought that
seems grandiose but will not go away?
What am I drawn towards doing?
These questions can give you the main purpose of your journey.
Leaders start with the vision that they think is achievable and
worthwhile.
A fully elaborated and worked out and carefully worded
vision is often called a ‘mission statement’. To refine the
vision into a mission statement you have to ask some critical
questions, whether you are developing an organizational
mission or a personal one:
Where are we going?
How will we get there?
What do we need to succeed?
What are our guiding values?
What will we measure for success and how will we measure it?
How long will it take?
Once you believe your vision to be achievable and practical,
once you have your road map, you need to share it. How do
you do this? You can write it down, you can talk to others, but
the most powerful way of all is to live it and the values it embodies. Action can express a vision much better than words.
Ralph Waldo Emerson, the American essayist and poet, put
it this way: ‘What you are doing speaks so loud I can’t hear
what you say.’ People will always judge you first on what you
do, then by what you say. Artists, designers and musicians all
lead mainly by what they do.
To fully use your vision and share it with others you will at
some point, however, have to find words that capture it in a
clear and inspiring way. Inevitably the words will be less
14 Leading with NLP
inspiring and your vision may lose force and be misunderstood. The world of pictures is evocative and lucid, the world
of words is shadowy and full of double meanings. Sight takes
in everything all at once, words give a little at a time. Try this
experiment when you have a few moments to yourself. Look
at your surroundings for a few seconds. Then close your
eyes. Now describe your surroundings. It would take a long
time, wouldn’t it? But someone who knew the scene would
recognize it from your first sketchy description. A vision
statement in words has little meaning unless it can connect
with and evoke the experience it refers to.
More difficult still, unlike your surroundings, a vision
does not yet exist, it is an imaginary picture, like the form of
a sculpture that only exists in your mind’s eye. It becomes
solid only as you work towards it. At first it’s an outline. An
evocative word sketch will allow people to create it in their
own minds, to see it in their own terms. Then they will add
to it, give it different perspectives and the vision will grow
stronger. The more people share the essential vision, the
more robust and multi-dimensional it becomes.
There is an art to putting a vision into words. The words
need to be clear enough to capture the idea, yet vague
enough for others to make their own meanings from it and
enrich it. ‘To put a man on the moon in 10 years’ is one example of a vision. ‘A family growing and being happy
together’ is another. ‘A reliable overnight delivery service’ is
a third. How about ‘Redefining what is possible in the media
market’? The words need to be suggestive and evocative. To
modify Einstein’s famous dictum, ‘Vision needs to be as simple as possible, but no simpler.’
I think it is natural to have a vision. It may be clear
and central in your life. It may be hovering on the edge of
your horizon – you may have a peripheral vision, as it were.
Leadership takes that vision and puts it more fully into your
life. You become more aware of it and start to act on it.
A vision can be about creating an international company,
playing a leading role in your local community, being an inspiring manager, a top athletic coach, designing a killer
Starting the Journey 15
software application, building a high-performance team or
launching a new business project. It comes down to a simple
question: what’s worth doing?
Another question is, how long will the journey take? This
depends on what you want to accomplish. Too short a journey and people are not stretched. They will not be interested
if the end goal is too easy – no one needs a leader for an expedition to the corner shop. Too long a journey and there is
too much tension – people will not even try, if the goal seems
impossible. A leader skilfully stretches the distance just far
enough to set up the right tension, but not far enough to
strain or snap the link between the present and the future.
Suppose the journey has to be a long one? No business
goes from sinking to soaring in less than a couple of years
and if your vision is social change, that can take decades.
The larger and more pervasive the change, the longer it
takes. A long journey must embody something very important and be truly compelling for people to sign up.
Alternatively, present conditions have to be very bad to get
people moving. The leader must break a long journey into
stages so it looks more manageable. No one climbs a mountain in one unbroken expedition, they welcome the resting
points on the way to the top. The higher the mountain, the
more breaks there are and the more comfortable they will
be. Imagine looking up at a huge mountain and knowing
you have to climb it in one trek. Your heart will sink to the
bottom of your mountain boots. There have to be intermediate goals along the way or no one will even want to start in
the first place. The leader will be left marching off into the
distance on their own.
Exploring Mental Perspectives 1:Vision
It seems natural to represent time as distance in our
minds. We talk of events ‘far in the future’ or ‘close to
the present’ and the law of perspective operates in our
minds as well as in the outside world. The longer a goal
16 Leading with NLP
takes to achieve, the further away we represent it, and
the further away, the smaller it seems. The smaller it
seems, the less motivating and the less real it may feel,
so why bother to start? Perspective is governed by an inverse square law. In other words, if you retreat to twice
the distance from an object, it does not seem to become
half the size, it becomes a quarter of the size – the size
varies as a square of the distance. So the attraction a
goal has for you will vary tremendously depending on
whereabouts you put it in your mental field. A small distance can make a big difference.
Try this thought experiment. Think of something
important you want to achieve in your personal or professional life. Imagine it in your mind. Make a picture
of it.
Whereabouts in space is your mental picture? For example, it may be directly in front of you or to one
side. You may be looking up at it or down on it.
How far away is it? Is it within arm’s reach or further?
How long do you expect it will take to achieve?
Experiment by moving it further away. How do you
feel about it now?
Does it seem more or less attractive?
Does it get smaller, larger or stay the same size as you
move it further away?
Does the distance correspond to how much time you
think it will take to achieve it?
Does it seem as though the further away it is, the
further in the future it is?
Move it so far away that you can hardly see it. How do
you feel about it now? Still motivated?
Now move it closer.
How does that change it?
Does it seem more attractive?
Does it get bigger, smaller or stay the same as you
move it towards you?
Starting the Journey 17
Does it seem more achievable? Does it seem that you
will get it any sooner?
How do you feel about it?
Explore whether you experience a threshold effect –
a point beyond which your picture loses any attraction. Also find the point where it is ‘too close for
comfort.’
Move your picture back to the most comfortable
distance. Was that where it started?
Play with these distances. You will find them interesting.
If a goal ever seems unrealistic or not attractive enough
it may be too far away. The further away, the less clearly
you can see it.
When you plan your goal, begin by making a picture
close to you and then move it to a suitable distance. Any
time you need to ‘get in touch’ with it again, pull it
closer.
Leaders make their goal seem possible however far into the
future it may be. One way to do this is to create a sense of
movement, for example:
‘The day is approaching...’
‘We can reach out and grasp...’
‘Hitting a moving target...’
‘We can reach it together...’
‘It’s within arm’s length...’
‘Headlong into the future...’
‘Nothing can stop us...’
Leaders in Perspective
Mental perspective influences how leaders are perceived too.
Some leaders seem more accessible than others and this may
have to do with how closely we imagine them in our mind’s
eye. Take the saying: ‘A general commands, a good leader
18 Leading with NLP
leads and a great leader finds out where everyone’s going
and gets out in front.’ A leader goes out in front, perhaps
literally, certainly metaphorically. How far out in front
should they be? Think about emotional distance. We talk
about people being ‘distant’ and of ‘staying in touch’ and
of ‘hands on’ management and ‘close’ friends and family.
When a leader ventures too far ahead, the smaller they
appear, and they get ‘out of touch’ and no longer understand the mood and feelings of those they are supposed
to be leading. A distant leader can make the goal seem distant too.
Hierarchies create distance in another dimension, as we
talk about a leader being ‘above’ their followers. In my view,
vertical distance represents authority and horizontal distance
emotional closeness or loyalty. A leader who has authority in
a hierarchy can still be ‘close’ to their followers and many military leaders create fantastic loyalty in their troops because
even the lowest ranks feel their commander understands
them. It also helps if a leader has ‘risen through the ranks’.
Then they really are more likely to understand the concerns
of the people they lead and it also gives them a credibility
with their followers that an outside leader lacks. The more authority you have, the further up the hierarchy you are, and
organizations with many levels of management risk creating
too great a distance between the leaders and the followers.
We are not usually aware of how we think about leaders, but
our view can affect how comfortable we feel about being a
leader ourselves. If you think of a leader as large and looming over you, for example, you may feel uncomfortable
about being a leader to others, because that would mean
looming over them. When leaders are put on a pedestal, not
only are their feet of clay more visible, but it’s further to fall!
Consider what being a leader means to you. You will not
want to go on the leadership journey if you believe that a
leader has to be manipulative or superior.
Your ideas about leaders will be influenced by your experience of them. In 1997 I gave the first public NLP and
Starting the Journey 19
business seminar in Prague in the Czech Republic, and the
subject of leadership came up. I do not speak Czech so I had
a translator and it soon became clear that the language did
not have a word that adequately translated the concept that
I was using the English word ‘leader’ to describe. They had
two words: manazer, meaning ‘an administrator’, and vudce,
meaning ‘a Communist Party leader’. The seminar participants said a Communist Party ‘leader’ had no authority of
their own (it came from Moscow), no vision (they did as they
were told), little knowledge and was certainly no role model
as they would consistently go home first at the end of the
day’s work! Such was the Czech cultural experience of their
erstwhile Russian ‘leaders’ that we had to coin a new word to
even begin to discuss the concept. In the end we decided to
use the English word ‘leader’. So a new word and a new concept entered the Czech language that day.
Our culture influences how we think of leaders. Some cultures, France for example, put more distance between
leaders and followers. The social hierarchies are more pervasive. The greater the distance between leader and follower,
the more difficult it seems to be a leader. You have further to
‘climb’ and more risks to take, because ‘the nail that stands
up gets hammered down’. In egalitarian cultures, such as
America, the social landscape is flatter and leadership appears to be within the reach of everyone. It’s possible for
anyone to become US President (at least in theory, although
a lot of cash helps).
Explore your own ideas about leadership with the following exercises.
Exploring Mental Perspectives 2: Leaders
Think of a person you regard as a leader.
How far away in your mental picture do they appear?
Change the picture to make them recede further into
the distance. Do you feel any differently towards
them now?
20 Leading with NLP
Make them further and further away. How do your
feelings change about them as a leader? Is there a
threshold point where they do not seem to be a
leader any more?
Put them back as they were and now bring them
closer to you. How does that change your feelings
about them? Is there a threshold where they are too
close and it feels uncomfortable?
Put them back at a comfortable distance. Now notice
how high the leader stands relative to you. Make
them higher than you. Do your feelings change?
What is it like as you make them higher and higher
above you?
Now move them below you. How does your feeling
about them change? Do you still think of them as a
leader? Is there a threshold where they do not seem
to be a leader any more?
Try these exercises with a number of different leaders.
Does the height and distance vary depending on who
you think of?
Leadership Exercise
A leader’s influence comes from the relationship they
create with their followers. How we represent that relationship in our minds determines what we think of
leaders, how we respond to them and what sort of relationship we in turn create with others when we become
leaders.
Use this exercise to explore how you think about
leaders and how you see yourself as a leader.
Think of one or more people you respect as leaders.
Make a picture of them in your mind’s eye. Imagine
people around them whom they influence and who
follow them.
Starting the Journey 21
When you think of these leaders in your imagination,
where do you see them – in front of you, behind
you or to the side?
In your mental picture, is the leader a long way in
front, in the middle distance or a short way in front
of the other people?
Is the leader larger, smaller or the same size as the
people they are leading?
Are they above, below or on the same level as the
people they are leading?
Does the leader seem more vivid, colourful or ‘larger
than life’ than the followers?
If another person were to look at your picture, without
knowing any of the people in it, how would they
know which person was the leader?
How vivid is the picture?
Does it have colour?
Does it have movement?
Now listen for any sounds in your mental tableau. Are
there voices?
Imagine the leader speaking. What quality does their
voice have?
Now listen to the other people speaking.
What quality do their voices have?
Is there a particular voice quality that marks out the
leader?
If a stranger were to listen to the voices without seeing
the scene, would they be able to tell which voice was
the leader’s?
Now, keeping the rest of the picture the same, see
yourself in the company of these leaders.
Make yourself the same size and distance as the
leaders and put yourself in the same position
relative to the other people as the leaders.
22 Leading with NLP
What does it feel like to see yourself standing there as
a leader?
Adjust the picture until it feels comfortable.
Now step into the picture, be in your body, in the
group of leaders, looking out through your own
eyes at the people around who are following.
How do you feel there?
Metaphors of Leadership
How we see leaders in our mind shapes what we feel about
leaders, our relationship to them and, of course, how we
speak about them. Here are some examples:
‘ahead of the field’
‘on a pedestal’
‘a cut above the others’
‘close to the people’
‘distant’
‘out of touch’
‘the common touch’
‘in touch with the people’
‘hands-on style’
‘a towering leader’
‘larger than life’
‘head and shoulders above the rest’
‘in a class of their own’
‘stuck up’
If you catch yourself, or others, using these metaphors, you
can gain an insight into how you perceive leadership.
Starting the Journey 23
References
1 Eloise Ristad, A Soprano on her Head, Real People Press,
1982
2 The detailed qualities of our mental images, feelings and
sounds are known as ‘submodalities’. See Richard Bandler, Using your Brain for a Change, Real People Press, 1985,
for a detailed discussion.
Bibliography
Bass, B., Leadership and Performance: Beyond Expectation,
Consulting Psychology Press, 1985
Iacocca, L., and Novak, W., Iacocca: An Autobiography, Bantam
Books, 1984
Kotter, J., A Force for Change: How Leadership Differs from
Management, The Free Press, 1990
LEADERSHIP SUBSTANCE,
STYLE AND SHADOW
2
Good leaders are ethical, responsible and effective. Ethical because leadership connects you to others through shared values.
Responsible because leadership means self-development and
not simply giving orders, however charismatically, to get others
to do what you want. Effective because shared values and goals
give the strongest motivation for getting tasks done. There are
no guarantees, but this sort of leadership will bring you closer
to people and give you the greatest chance of success.
Not all leaders are equally ethical, responsible and effective. There are differences in substance as well as style.
Leadership also has a shadow side, as we shall see.
In the past we have often confused style with substance. A
leader need not be a charismatic guru performing on stage
to fanfares of music, treating their followers as if they were a
game-show host. Such charisma is style, not substance; the
guide at your side can be as influential as the sage on the
stage. Lao Tse, the Chinese philosopher who lived in the
sixth century BC, captured this aspect of a leader’s work very
nicely when he wrote, ‘A leader is best when people barely
know he exists. Not so good when people obey and acclaim
him, and worse when they despise him. Fail to honour people and they will fail to honour you. Of a great leader, when
his work is done, people say, “We did this ourselves.” ’
An effective leader leaves a legacy; they leave their footprints on the road for others to follow. A good leader
develops themselves and they develop others. They bring people
together rather than divide them. I read a striking example
of this in a letter written by the Duke of Wellington to Lord
Bradford at the British War Office in 1820. He says, ‘I shall
26 Leading with NLP
see no officer under my command is debarred, by attending
to his first duty, which is, and always has been, to train private
men under his command.’
Teaching others to be leaders makes sense on a personal
as well as a business level. Parents are leaders in a family and
they strive to help their children become independent
adults. In business, leaders develop others in order to help
them learn and help the organization become more competitive. Business is increasingly becoming knowledge based.
What you know defines what you can do. Smart people build
smart products. And smart people do not usually work in
dumb organizations.
A perennial question about leadership is: ‘Are leaders
born or made?’ And the answer is ... ‘Yes.’ Both. It’s a misleading question because it is phrased as if the answer must
be one or the other. We are all born with skills and talents
and we have to make the most of them by learning. Shakespeare wrote, ‘Some are born great, some achieve greatness
and some have greatness thrust upon them.’ No one leaps
from the cradle a fully qualified leader. We all have to learn
something. Only learning brings out our natural talents.
I am also suspicious of any single answer that closes the debate and takes away choice. For example, if you believe that
leaders are born and not made, why try to develop yourself
or others as leaders? The question has been answered in
your genes.
In researching this book I read a great deal of literature
on military leadership and not surprisingly, all of it states explicitly that leaders are made. On the other hand if you
assume that leaders are made and a person’s inherent character does not count, then you must concede that everyone
is equally good as a leader in any situation, and we all know
otherwise.
In my view, being a leader comes from a combination of
who you are, your skills and talents, the relationship you create with others and your situation. Being a leader means
working with these four core elements. The ‘and’ hides the
magic in the equation. Understanding each piece of a jigsaw
Leadership Substance, Style and Shadow 27
will not show you the picture until you put them together.
Look for leadership in the whole, not in the pieces.
Unless we deal with that systemic aspect of leadership we
have only ‘laundry list leadership’, a collection of factors
that look good in theory, but do not connect in practice. The
pieces may be the right ones but they won’t do anything
until they are joined, just as a television will not work with its
bits strewn all over the floor.
So, to become a leader, develop yourself, your skills and
talents, so you can lead by example. Develop your vision of
where you want to go, so you can inspire others to come with
you. Develop others and your ability to influence your companions and to evolve a shared vision between you. And
develop systemic thinking skills to understand the situation,
its limits and opportunities. I think these are the core skills
of leadership.
‘Analysing others is knowledge
Knowing yourself is wisdom
Managing others requires skill
Mastering yourself takes inner strength.’
Tao Te Ching
The Three Pillars of Leadership
What do leaders have that puts them at the forefront? And
once there, what keeps them there?
Authority – the official or formal position they have.
Knowledge – what they know.
Example – their actions that inspire others to want to be
like them.
These are the three pillars of leadership. A leader needs all
three to stand firmly.
28 Leading with NLP
Authority
Our cultural thinking on leadership has been entangled in
wars and battles and heavily influenced by military history.
Say ‘leader’ and for many people a picture pops up of troops
being led into battle (even though in most cases, the general
in charge was at the back directing operations). This military
metaphor still colours our view of business leadership and
powers the ‘command and control’ management paradigm.
It strikes deep. The world of sales is packed to the hilt with
military metaphors. Managers talk of ‘leading the troops
into battle’, ‘fighting the price war’ and ‘a cut-throat market’, as if the primitive urge to deal with the competition by
bombing their boardroom and interning their sales people
still appeals. No wonder sales people tend to suffer from
battle fatigue known as ‘burn out’. Any metaphor becomes
destructive when taken too far and this one has had its day.
‘Customer partnerships’ should be what we hear now.
Authority
Leadership space
Leadership by authority
Leadership Substance, Style and Shadow 29
Example
Authority
Leadership
space
Knowledge
New leadership model
In a strict hierarchy like an army, high rank gives the possibility of leadership over those ‘below’ you, but authority
alone falls short of leadership. Authority is not sensitive
enough to context.
Managing, as already mentioned, used to be about planning and control. Top management decided what was to be
done, middle management worked out how to do it and
everyone else did as they were told. This model assumed, of
course, that top management knew what needed to be done,
that the orders had time to percolate their way down and
that, like a good army, the lower ranks would obey.
This type of management would simply not work any
more, even if we were still prepared to put up with it. Markets change fast and organizations have to react fast, so
people in every part of the business need the knowledge and
the permission to make decisions on matters that affect
them. As organizations ‘flatten out’, lines of authority start to
blur. ‘Top’ management no longer necessarily knows best.
Information gives power, not the size of your office. Only
change can be relied on.
30 Leading with NLP
The business writer and consultant Rosabeth Moss Kanter
has beautifully summed up the situation: ‘The mean time between decisions is greater than the mean time between
surprises.’ By the time you make a decision, based on what
you know, the situation may have changed, and your decision may not fit the new conditions. Your business may be
perfectly geared to solving yesterday’s problems. What
makes the difference is how quickly you can obtain and evaluate information. And the people on the spot are in the best
position to do that. So now managers at every level need the
confidence and skills to make decisions and to be able to foster those qualities in those they manage. They need to be
able to manage knowledge. The new model of leadership fits
in perfectly.
Even in the army, for example, appearances are deceptive.
In critical situations of combat, team or project leaders are
nearly always the most competent people for the job. They
may be the highest ranking, but not necessarily so. The more
dangerous the situation, the more competence rises over
rank. In life or death situations, anyone who pulls rank over
ability will lose. The lower the risk, the more formal authority becomes the normal way of operating. In no-risk
conditions, during peacetime army training, say, the lines of
authority are unquestioned. So even the army, with its vast
tradition and publications on discipline and lines of command, recognizes that in a tight corner, the person best
fitted to the job must lead. Leadership through knowledge
takes over from leadership through authority.
The military metaphor of attack and defence does have a
place, but in a strategic frame: outwitting and outflanking
competitors in a battle of intelligence rather than big battalions. Survival of the fittest is a good description of how
companies that adapt best to their environment survive
and prosper (although ‘survival of the fittingest’ would be
more accurate). Linked to this is the idea of co-evolution –
businesses co-evolve, they do not evolve on their own, they
change and influence each other in a network. No business
changes in isolation – as one market opens, another contracts,
Leadership Substance, Style and Shadow 31
and the winning strategy only wins as long as your competitor
does not use it too. When they do, their reaction becomes part
of the market situation and you need to change again. You
have to react to others reacting to you reacting to others ... like
a chameleon in a mirror, companies change according to the
conditions, and the conditions change in response to the
company policy.
Co-dependent, parasitic and symbiotic relationships occur
in the business world as well as in the natural world. We talk
of modern markets as a ‘jungle’, but look further and you
will see commercial deserts and rain forests as well. Firms become dependent on particular suppliers and suppliers
become dependent on firms. They need competitors to
stimulate them. Microsoft would not have penetrated the Internet market without Netscape successfully leading the way.
The so-called ‘Browser Wars’ (military again) that followed
led to new software, as Microsoft changed its products to accommodate the Internet.
So, new patterns of products and relationships emerge
from competition. Competitors naturally co-operate in a
dance of new products and new markets: ‘co-opetition’. The
computer industry has the most obvious co-opetition – cooperation between competitors establishes technical
standards, makes the market grow faster and creates new
markets. At the moment Sun, IBM, Apple and Netscape have
formed an alliance to challenge Microsoft’s hold on the industry. Whoever ‘wins’, the game will go on.
A position of authority may help a person to be a leader, but
a person in authority is only a leader if they have influence
apart from their position. A good test of leadership is to consider whether, if a person suddenly lost their formal
authority, others would still follow them. If the person is a
leader, then yes. If not – maybe. If they were authoritarian,
wanting unquestioning obedience and caring nothing for
the people they led and were responsible for, then no, and
their erstwhile followers might well turn on them to seek revenge for the humiliation they have suffered.
32 Leading with NLP
Authority works best where you have an accepted hierarchy, such as the army or the police force. Then people move
together because of the strong implicit accepted values that
everyone shares. If you are trying to lead people who do not
share similar goals and values, then authority is not enough.
A report entitled Liberating Leadership was published by the
Industrial Society in 1998. It was a survey of the views of
1,000 junior managers and professional staff. Of those surveyed, 81 per cent admired leaders who had no formal
position of authority. They also made it clear they did not
want the old command and control managers. They wanted
managers who showed enthusiasm, supported their people
and recognized individual effort. They did not like authoritarian managers who inspired fear and insisted things were
done their way.
Authority alone is like pushing from behind. What automatic reaction do you have when pushed from behind?
Resistance – unless you are travelling in that direction anyway
and you experience the push as helpful. When you do not
know what lies ahead and you are not sure whether you want
to move forward, resistance is completely understandable.
Imagine a group of people all working together like a
string of beads. Now imagine trying to get this loose collection of individuals to move forward together in the same
direction by pushing them from behind. Even if you push
evenly across the whole group, some may resist and the line
will break up as some move forward while others drop behind. To keep the line in shape, traditional management
exerts force from the side. The more people resist authority,
the more management they need and more difficult to get
anything done.
Leadership Substance, Style and Shadow 33
Now, imagine the same collection of loosely linked individuals being pulled forward. They all move together
smoothly and need very little management from the side to
keep them in shape. Authority alone pushes. Leadership
pulls, because it draws people towards a vision of the future
that attracts them.
Goal
34 Leading with NLP
The difference between authority and leadership is the difference between a boss and a leader:
A boss has conscripts, a leader has recruits.
A boss has power, a leader has influence.
A boss depends on a position of authority, a leader gains
authority by being themselves.
A boss can evoke fear and demands respect, a leader commands respect.
A boss says, ‘I will,’ a leader says, We will.’
A boss shows who is wrong, a leader shows what is wrong.
A boss knows how it’s done, a leader knows how to do it.
A boss gets people to do things, a leader gets people to want
to do things.
A boss drives their colleagues, a leader inspires them.
A boss is obeyed, a leader is followed.
And, before you have an argument with a boss, take a good
look at both sides – his side and the outside!
Knowledge
Knowledge is the second pillar of leadership. You can be a
leader by virtue of what you know. When my car breaks
down, I take it in to the garage for repair. When my computer breaks down, I do what I can to fix it, but usually I call
the support line. If I want to know about the latest fashion or
music, I ask my teenage daughter. Mechanics, doctors, engineers, lawyers and teachers can all be leaders by what they
know. And knowledge alone is insufficient.
Think of your best teachers or coaches, those who really
made a difference for you and what you could do. Who
comes to mind? A teacher from school? A college teacher, or
a sports coach, or business coach? What sort of qualities did
they have?
I remember when I was at college, there was a lecturer
who would enter the musty lecture hall with its wooden
benches polished by the trousers of a generation of students
and deliver his lecturer for an hour in a monotone, looking
down at his notes all the time. Then he would pack away his
Leadership Substance, Style and Shadow 35
notes and leave. He barely looked at the class. We wondered
if he would notice if no one was there for this weekly ritual. A
group of us used to draw lots to decide who would attend in
any one week and secretly record the lecture so we could all
listen to it later. The only thing I remember about this man’s
lectures was that he pronounced ‘food’ as ‘fud’, which tells
you how captivated I was. This man knew a lot about his subject, without ever inspiring me to find out anything about it
above the bare minimum. Other lecturers were superb, stimulating and not only did I remember what they told me, but
I also left the lecture hall wanting to find out more in my own
time because the subject came alive when they spoke of it.
So knowledge will win over authority – would you rather be
in the hands of someone who knows what they are doing or
someone who has the formal authority in the situation? – but
true leaders have something more. They give of themselves.
Example
Example is the third pillar of leadership, and the strongest. People look to a leader for ideas and guidance, and the strongest
message comes not from what you say, but who you are.
A leader who acts as a role model takes responsibility for
what they do. Responsibility is a double-edged word – the
ability to respond is one edge, the recognition of your influence the other. Influence and responsibility go together.
Your self, values, beliefs, expectations and actions enter
everything you do and affect everything you do, and if you
pay attention to your experience, then what you do affects
you and changes you and the people with you. A responsible
and effective leader does not think of themselves in isolation. They are part of the team they lead. This means that
they lead and influence both themselves and others.
In order for leaders to act as role models and lead by example they have to be true to themselves. In doing this, they
give us the message not to be like them, but to be ourselves,
a message we all recognize. And in being true to ourselves we
are developing our own leadership qualities, moving further
along the path of leadership.
36 Leading with NLP
Being a leader is not always easy, though, and there are no
facile answers. Most choices are vague, fuzzy and cannot be
logically argued one way or another. I have a favourite Sufi
story about the holy man Nassr-U-Din presiding as a judge in
a civil court where two people were disputing a grievance.
The first man argued his case very eloquently.
‘That was very convincing!’ said Nassr. ‘You are obviously
right!’
‘A moment, sir,’ whispered the clerk of the court. ‘You
must wait for the other man to argue his case before deciding.’
The second defendant took the stand and presented his
case no less eloquently.
‘Of course!’ said Nassr. ‘I must have been blind. Now I see
that you are right!’
The clerk pulled at his sleeve. ‘But my lord,’ he hissed,
‘they can’t both be right!’
‘No,’ said Nassr. ‘You’re right.’
Sometimes both ways seem right and yet we have to
choose one or the other – a difficult decision. In such cases
we have to follow what we trust. The word ‘trust’ comes from
the same root as the word ‘truth’. Truth for each of us is
what we trust. If we do not trust ourselves, then ‘truth’ becomes what others tell us. Ultimately, leadership means
trusting yourself and developing others to trust themselves.
People do not trust those who do not trust themselves.
Leadership Style
Different leaders will have different mixtures of knowledge,
authority and example. A teacher can be a leader by virtue
of what they know and the position they hold. A leader may
be someone with formal authority – a manager, an army
officer, police officer, or elected official. A leader may have
religious knowledge and authority. You cannot set yourself
up as a role model, that position, like leadership, is one others have to give you, and it may be unwelcome. We have all
Leadership Substance, Style and Shadow 37
taken parents and significant adults as role models when we
were children. When we have children we automatically become a role model for them, whether we want it or not.
A coach can be a leader. The British tennis player Greg
Rusedski went from fifty-sixth in the world rankings to sixth
in a few months under the guidance of his coaches, first
Brian Teacher and then Tony Pickard. Rusedski is a talented
player and his coaches were able to inspire him to play to his
talent. Great athletes lead by example and they usually have
great coaches – who are leaders of a different sort. Coaches
in business help a colleague solve a problem or improve at a
task through discussion and guidance. When coaching deals
with personal issues and where the personal qualities of the
coach become as important as their business skills, then
coaching shades into mentoring. You may not be able to pick
your coach, but you always choose your mentor.
A healer can be a leader, usually through the knowledge
they have. Doctors and therapists are leaders when they lead
people to greater health and well-being. Internal and external consultants can heal organizational rifts.
A steward, someone entrusted to guard what is important,
is another kind of leader. In his book Stewardship (BerrettKoehler, 1996), Peter Block writes of service in the cause of
a larger vision, of accountability, and an end to a blame and
control culture in the workplace. Much of this I would apply
to leadership. I use stewardship in a more limited sense: as a
style of leadership.
The steward’s role as a guardian of what is important
and worth keeping is important, for example in business, for
although businesses must continually renew themselves, too
much change is as bad as too little. Without any change a
company will freeze and stagnate into an uncompetitive dinosaur, but with too much change the company risks losing
the valuable parts of its business. A steward identifies and
preserves what is worth keeping, what keeps the company
stable. That is successful change – keeping the good things
about the present and letting go of the rest. Any leader must
be a steward to some degree.
38 Leading with NLP
Sometimes a designer is a leader. Designers shape our
lives. Look round you and remember that all the man-made
objects you see – buildings, furniture, clothes, cars and other
machines – first began as ideas. Good designers lead the way
in architecture, interior design, fashion and household appliances while others follow. You may never have met the
architect who designed your house, but they influence your
life every day. Leaders of fashion influence our choice of
clothes, furniture, the music we listen to and the books and
newspapers we read.
Finally there are those leaders who simply provide a role
model. Think of the people who have influenced you the most.
They may have been in authority. They may have had more
knowledge than you. But there was probably something extra
– something personal. They embodied values you admired.
I think a leader is also like a hero. The derivation of the
word ‘hero’ is interesting. It means ‘to protect and serve’.
Usually the word conjures up ideas of courage, saving lives,
maybe winning medals for valour or overcoming impossible
odds. But all heroes, even those from Hollywood movies,
have another, inner task – they have to overcome a dragon
in themselves, they have to go beyond themselves and develop the qualities they need to overcome their task. There
is one sure way of telling the hero in a story – the person who
has learned the most, the person who is changed the most at
the end. Both Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader are heroes in
the Star Wars series of films. They were not heroes at the beginning, but they became so by how they responded to the
challenges they faced. So becoming a leader means undertaking both an outward and an inward journey – to
accomplish something worthwhile in the outside world,
to inspire others in a worthwhile task and to discover inner
resources that you did not know you had, to become a leader
in your own way.
Leadership Substance, Style and Shadow 39
Leadership Style
Where in your life do you already have a leadership role?
In what area of your life do you have authority, either formal
or informal?
Where do you have greater knowledge than others?
Where do you provide a role model for others?
In these areas you are already a leader. How could you
become even more influential?
Do you have the role of a teacher?
Where do you give others knowledge and skill?
Are you a designer? Where do you shape others’ lives by
what you make?
Are you a coach? Where do you try to bring out the best in
others?
Are you a healer? Where do you help others who are hurt in
mind or body, or where do you bring people together
and make them feel good? (A negotiator is also a kind of
healer.)
Are you a steward? Do you keep important values or objects
safe in times of change?
What aspect of leadership particularly appeals to you?
How could you develop more of this in your life or expand
what you already have?
What matters to you about being a leader?
Why do you want to develop as a leader?
What will that get for you?
40 Leading with NLP
The Shadow Side
‘Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts
absolutely.’
Lord Acton
All virtues flip into vices when taken to extremes and leadership is no exception. Leaders must develop others to become
leaders, otherwise leadership can sink into a self-serving
authority, where power becomes its own justification. All types
of leaders face this danger.
The dark side of the authoritative leader is an authoritarian
leader. An authoritarian leader demands unquestioning obedience and in order to achieve it must either undermine their
followers’ self-trust, so that they cannot think for themselves, or
threaten dreadful consequences for disobedience. In extreme
cases, authoritarianism dehumanizes the followers – they become instruments of the leader and not people in their own
right. Unquestioning obedience is always suspect except in exceptional situations such as armed combat and even then
higher values of shared humanity continue to operate – obeying orders has never excused war crimes. In business, ‘boss’ is
shorthand for an authoritarian leader.
Coaches work with colleagues to help them and improve
their performance. The dark side of a coach is a jehu – a
wonderful word that means ‘a furious driver’ and conjures
up a picture of a charioteer in the final stages of a chariot
race, neck and neck with the next man, whipping the horses
and everyone around him in his desperate frenzy to win.
Coaches can turn into jehus when they try to fulfil their own
unsatisfied needs through others, instead of trying to help
them achieve the best they can in their own terms. They blur
the boundaries between themselves and others and do not
own their own striving. They turn people into slaves.
A healer has patients who need their help. The dark side
of the healer is the quack – someone not so much interested
in helping people as in making fame and fortune from the
remedies they peddle.
Leadership Substance, Style and Shadow 41
Likewise a steward who forgets that he guards in service of
renewal and development becomes a jailer, holding onto the
past, blinded to the present and the future by the ghosts of
antiquity. A steward makes you a guest; a jailer makes you a
prisoner of their prejudice, rooted in the past.
A designer is a leader through the skill and knowledge
that they put at the service of their public. They will have apprentices who study their work and gain skills to design in
their own way. A designer who forgets that their success depends on pleasing others and ignores the wider community
becomes a prima donna. They may indulge themselves and
forget that they are only leaders because of the value they
create for others. Such a designer loses touch with their public and needs an uncritical audience who will follow their
whims regardless and imitators who will copy the designs
rather than learn the design skills and then use them to
create something that expresses their own personal vision.
Then there is the role model who suffers from delusions
of grandeur and acts as if they are specially favoured and
above those who admire them. Paradoxically, as soon as they
do that, they lose their value as a role model. We pick role
models for who they are and what they can teach us, not who
they believe they are. A person cannot be a role model on
their own, they can only be chosen as a role model. So once
they think of themselves as role models irrespective of their
followers, they lose touch with reality and create an artificial
self that they then have to maintain at any price. Although
this is a false self, in a final ironic twist they may then depend
on it for self-esteem. So they want worshippers or clones who
can feed their image, rather than real self-knowledge.
The shadows fall and the dark side of leadership creeps in
when leaders lose touch with themselves and those qualities
that made them leaders in the first place. First they demand
their followers be blind to their weaknesses and then blind
to their blindness. They become more concerned with keeping their power than with developing others. They may still
influence others, but a leader who loses themselves will
surely lose others as well.
42 Leading with NLP
The most extreme example of the dark side of leadership
comes from a devious kind of authority sometimes called the
‘guru syndrome’.1 A guru is a holy man who serves as a
spiritual guide and source of enlightenment in Eastern spiritual traditions. Genuine gurus are honourable leaders of
the best kind. However some people set themselves up
as quasi-gurus, promising their followers inner and outer
freedom – but only at the price of inner and outer slavery.
Their message is ‘Depend on me to be free!’ These are
bigots, not gurus. They want obedience and compliance
from their followers and they usually claim that their way is
the only way. Their demands are as authoritarian as those of
the most rigid hierarchical military organization. They gain
power by eroding the self-trust of their followers, who then
cling to them for certainty. Real leaders never demand a
person’s self-esteem and self-trust, they seek to increase it.
They develop others, they do not impoverish them.
Leaders have power in the sense of having the ability to
get things done. There is another, darker side of power –
power over other people: a one-way passage of influence that
ignores the other person’s freedom of response. Influence is
universal – we all influence each other, we cannot stop ourselves. To be alive is to be influencing and influenced. Most
influence is random and purposeless. Leaders use their
influence for good effect and their followers allow themselves to be influenced through the shared vision of where
they want to go, while also in turn influencing the leader.
But sometimes a leader’s attempt to maintain power becomes more important than the vision that inspired it and
the tasks needed to reach it. Such a leader will try and
manipulate people, to get them to do things that are not
in their interests. No one likes to be manipulated, but some
people allow it because they need someone to take responsibility for them.
Many leaders create hierarchies, or find a position in a
hierarchy, usually near the top. Hierarchies are not bad, but
mostly useful ways of structuring power and authority, and
are a natural means of organizing people working together
Leadership Substance, Style and Shadow 43
while maintaining clear accountability. Hierarchies alone,
however, tend to be rigid. They need to be balanced by small
groups or self-organizing teams that bring innovation and
creativity into an organization.
However, when an authoritarian power-driven hierarchy
tries to maintain power rather than move toward its vision
and carry out the shared tasks it was set up to do, then we
have a cult. ‘Cult’ usually describes a religious or quasireligious group, but I like to use the word more widely
to describe any power-driven authoritarian group.
A cult has no external checks on the leader, no appeal
against their judgement, no way out without losing everything the members have accomplished in the cult. The
shadow guru, meantime, behaves above the law they profess
to administer, above the vision they expound. They set their
needs above those of everyone else in the group. They apply
a law but count themselves above it. Such leaders have to be
regarded as perfect and right, because the followers’ selfrespect depends on it. The more bizarre the doctrine, the
more they have to believe it or lose everything, so they often
defend the leader without knowing the facts. The leader has
to be right. Newspapers sometimes expose so-called ‘spiritual leaders’ that live the life of utmost luxury while their
disciples are delighted to give up what little they have for
their leader. In the worst and most tragic circumstances they
can even be persuaded to give up their lives.
Cults are power driven. They are also exclusive, an ingroup with a clear impermeable boundary. They separate
from non-members. They limit free-thinking and action
among members, sometimes even