Katy Perry Said No To John Mayer’s Proposal, And The Tables Just Called To Say They’ve Turned

There’s now a report that John Mayer proposed to Katy Perry. As in, he proposed marriage. Not like he proposed that they pause Django Unchained on the DVR and go grab a slice or two of pizza. He was all, “Hey, your body is a wonderland. Will you marry me?” He might not have said the wonderland part. He could have said, “Fathers, be good to your daughters. Will you marry me?” That wouldn’t have made as much sense, though. According to Grazia (via EntertainmentWise), John’s ready to settle down, little doggies.

“John won’t run from Katy again,” a source told Grazia magazine, adding: “He knows his bad-boy reputation and what happened with Russell hurt Katy, and he’ll do whatever it takes to show he’s the one she should marry.”

Regardless of which song John chose to quote for the moment, it must not have worked, because Katy was all, “Ooh, this is awkward. Umm, how can I put this? No. Still wanna get that pizza, though?” That’s right, Katy reportedly turned John down, because she “doesn’t feel ready” for commitment.

“John’s proposal really unnerved Katy. Even though they have discussed it, she thought it was too soon. John was gutted,” an insider revealed. “Katy loves John, but doesn’t feel she has had enough healing time since her divorce. She told him she just needed a bit more time to feel whole in herself again.”

Guys, did you forget to tell me it’s Opposite Day? I never marked it down on my calendar for some reason. Is it always the Tuesday after Labor Day? Does that mean I’m still allowed to wear white? Last time I checked, John Mayer was known for backing away slowly from commitment while wielding a cross and throwing garlic. Wasn’t that rumored to be part of the reason Katy and John broke up? My oh my, what a change. It’s like the proverbial tables were like, “We’re really uncomfortable from sitting in this same position all the time. What say we turn? That’ll be a nice change.” And then poof, out popped this story.

Not that I blame Katy Perry for being a little wary of marriage after the whole Russell Brand debacle. But I am currently brainstorming what Katy and John would look like if they switched clothes to match their switched attitudes. They haven’t put out a video for that duet yet, have they? I think we have a concept.