‘Tis but thy name that is my enemy;
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What’s Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!What’s in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call’d,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
And for that name which is no part of thee
Take all myself.

And yet, names are important to us, aren’t they? It’s how we perceive someone. And how we relate to them. Sometimes a friend or family member decides that s/he is “over” being called by the name we have known them by for years and few of us are capable of making the mental shift to call them by their “new name.”

But who among us hasn’t known someone to go from a childhood nickname such as Bobby or Susie to a ‘more adult’ sounding version like Robert or Susan as they got older?

The desire to feel like our name represents who we are and not what someone else has christened us? It’s a strong one.

So why then are we so resistent when others choose to change their names? This is a question that has long puzzled me, even as I’m likely to fall prey to it myself.

I was born Lucretia Ann Madden. My family promptly took to calling me Tia. A name which I have disliked as long as I can remember. [The following paragraph has been edited entirely to refrain from personally identifying those prior express permission I did not have to write about 9/14/10 LMP]The family I grew up with all have names that can & have been converted into nicknames. Shortening their names, adding “y” on the end. You know, like “Freddy” or “Bobby” or “Sue”. All of them absolutely hate being called by those names. Although they put up with it sometimes from other family members.[/end revision]

So of course, they all call me Lucretia, right?

Nope. Not until they run up against someone who has no idea who they’re talking about. (For the record? I’ve never once gone professionally by any name other than Lucretia. Not since I was 18.) I resist even telling people that nickname because as soon as I do, many of them think that I’ll be okay with it if they call me that.

The only person I’ve known who could switch back and forth on my name depending on who he was speaking to outside of myself is my husband. He could call me Bob and I’d answer. Which is why when it came time to decide about changing my name after we got married? No brainer. Because I’d realized by then that a name was just a matter of a label that helped other people figure out who I was.

I kind of gave up on my family. After all, it’s not so important what they call me as it is that they call me at all.

But then I went and made this huge mistake a few years back. I decided that it was more important to have a memorable, easily spellable name on the Internet than it was to insist that people learn Lucretia. After years of creating different psuedonyms on various BBSes, websites, blogs, and other electronic gathering places (and shedding them with ease as I moved on) I hadn’t considered that a time might come when I couldn’t. I also hadn’t tied any of those names to my real name though.

If you Googled Lucretia Pruitt prior to January of 2007, there were 355 entries. All but 2 of them were a woman who died in the 1850s in Kansas. The remaining two were work-related entries of mine.

Presently Google comes up with 259,000 entries for Lucretia Pruitt. It takes many pages before you get to that woman in who died a century & a half ago.

So by now people know who I am right? They know my real name? Not as much as you’d think.

Because when I came out from behind the curtain and started using my name on the Social Web, I tied it to the UserID of GeekMommy. I had started a small, infrequently used blog by that name in 2006. So when time came to find a good, easy-to-remember Twitter handle – it seemed ideal. I mean, anyone can type GeekMommy. Not everyone can spell Lucretia off the top of their heads, right?

This is where I got it wrong. I pulled a rookie mistake of thinking that a psuedonym wasn’t that important.

There’s an urban legend about the Chevy Nova that illustrates the mistake nicely (even if it isn’t true.) The point of the cautionary tale is that you should never bring a product to market without first doing adequate research. But who thought of their online identity as a ‘brand’ or a ‘product’ in 2007?

I didn’t come up with the ID of GeekMommy thinking “yeah! I can build this into a profitable brand! Soon, there will be GeekMommy merchandise! GeekMommy affiliates! GeekMommy products on HSN!“ I was just trying to find something that let people have a starting point to interact with me.

I mistakenly assumed that as people got to know me they’d call me Lucretia. They’d just see GeekMommy as some sort of ID, not as an actual identity. And they certainly wouldn’t skip those first four letters entirely as if they weren’t there.

*pfft*

A week ago we were having dinner with [1] assorted family. A conversation arose in which [1] kept referring to me as a “mommy blogger”. Normally, I’d patiently explain to someone that ‘no, contrary to the word “mommy” in that ID I wasn’t a mommy blogger – although I could introduce him to some extremely good ones if he wanted.’ But this was family – so of course I didn’t react nearly so rationally.

How could he? My own [1]!! The one who has been casually stalking me online during his lunch hour with the assistance of Google for at least a year & a half now! How could he not have a clue what I did?! *melt down*

Fortunately for me, I married well.

My husband stepped in and patiently explained to my baffled [1] that he had pushed a button of sorts for me. That I wrote about technology, Social Media, and a variety of topics – but that I didn’t write about my daughter. My [1] (one of the brightest people I’ve ever known) looked tolerant of my outburst but confused.

That’s when it hit me. This misunderstanding wasn’t his fault. It was mine. If one of the smartest people I’ve ever known couldn’t figure out what I do? Then how are potential clients, business partners, and colleagues supposed to know? How can I advise someone how to craft their own presence on the Social Web when I’ve clearly done such a poor job with my own?

I apologized. I tried to explain that he had just done me a great favor and gotten it through my head that if I wanted people to “get my brand” then I had to start packaging it correctly. I’m not sure he understood – but maybe he will when he reads this.

It’s taken a little over a week. But I’m ready. GeekMommy is going into the past along with Bobby and Susie and Johnny and every other “yeah, people used to call me that, but I don’t answer to it anymore” nickname anyone has ever rid themselves of.

If you don’t mind? If you want me to answer?

Call me Lucretia.

[1] It has come to my attention that identifying members of my family in such a specific was as I originally posted this is not something that I should have done without getting their express permission prior to posting. While everything lives eternally on the Internet, I have done my best to redact this post as it currently published to remove any specific references to individual family members. A lesson learned. I apologize for the redactions and editing making for a choppy read. But the privacy of the individuals previously named takes precedence. Thanks for your patience, Lucretia. 9/14/2010

Lucretia it is. :) I’m looking forward to seeing you in a couple of short weeks at SobCon & recreating yourself online can be a lot of work… it’s the reason I stuck with a pseudonym I don’t like much either. Kudos to you for being brave enough to move on!

http://thesocialjoint.com Lucretia

I had to get it done before SOBCon Esther, it’s kind of really like the start of my year despite what the calendar says! Can’t wait to see you there!!

http://www.ShePosts.com Esther Crawford

Lucretia it is. :) I’m looking forward to seeing you in a couple of short weeks at SobCon & recreating yourself online can be a lot of work… it’s the reason I stuck with a pseudonym I don’t like much either. Kudos to you for being brave enough to move on!

http://thesocialjoint.com Lucretia

I had to get it done before SOBCon Esther, it’s kind of really like the start of my year despite what the calendar says! Can’t wait to see you there!!

Hi Lucretia. Nice to meet you ! I’m guessing it must feel like a chance to reinvent yourself, although you really are not changing who you are. Maybe more like changing some perceptions. Anyway, hope it makes you want to blog more again!

http://thesocialjoint.com Lucretia

You hit the nail on the head Angie: it feels like a reinvention, when in fact, it’s really just taking off a mask that was a little to constrictive. Now I can actually be me. It may not be as easy to remember – but I aim to make the content impossible to forget! :)

angie_seattle

Hi Lucretia. Nice to meet you ! I’m guessing it must feel like a chance to reinvent yourself, although you really are not changing who you are. Maybe more like changing some perceptions. Anyway, hope it makes you want to blog more again!

http://thesocialjoint.com Lucretia

You hit the nail on the head Angie: it feels like a reinvention, when in fact, it’s really just taking off a mask that was a little to constrictive. Now I can actually be me. It may not be as easy to remember – but I aim to make the content impossible to forget! :)

http://blog.sugarjones.tv Sugar Jones

Last year, when I was about to meet you at SxSW (you were balking at Chris Brogan while he was on a panel), I was warned NOT to call you Geek Mommy. “Call her Lucretia.” While I was thankful for the advice (I really didn’t want to piss you off as I had seen you eat Chris for lunch), I still wondered why Geek Mommy didn’t care much for being called Geek Mommy.

The last few weeks have been very enlightening. Your story is such a valuable lesson. You’ve done a great job letting people know that you are LUCRETIA first. We are all better for your words… no matter what name you want us to call you. :)

http://thesocialjoint.com Lucretia

I’m working on it. It just took a lightbulb moment for me to realize that a huge percentage of success is *me* getting the message across, not other people digging to find it! :)

http://blog.sugarjones.tv Sugar Jones

Last year, when I was about to meet you at SxSW (you were balking at Chris Brogan while he was on a panel), I was warned NOT to call you Geek Mommy. “Call her Lucretia.” While I was thankful for the advice (I really didn’t want to piss you off as I had seen you eat Chris for lunch), I still wondered why Geek Mommy didn’t care much for being called Geek Mommy.

The last few weeks have been very enlightening. Your story is such a valuable lesson. You’ve done a great job letting people know that you are LUCRETIA first. We are all better for your words… no matter what name you want us to call you. :)

http://thesocialjoint.com Lucretia

I’m working on it. It just took a lightbulb moment for me to realize that a huge percentage of success is *me* getting the message across, not other people digging to find it! :)

http://www.bloggingbasics101.com Melanie Nelson

Lucretia,

My story is similar: Before 2007 you could find one mention of me (and it was a professional e-mail from my time in 1995 when I headed up the Oil & Gas Journal Online project, AND the web site w/the e-mail was in Japanese). When I started blogging, I chose chilihead (a family nickname) as my handle because I was unsure whether I wanted people to know it was me. I started going by Melanie Nelson in 2008, but people still call me Chili, and? I like it. Now the only place I’m chilihead is on Twitter and I’m unsure whether to change it or not. As you can imagine, Melanie, Melanie Nelson, etc. are taken. I wish I’d planned better. And I could have since I was using Twitter as soon as it came out and I had the pick of the litter.

http://thesocialjoint.com Lucretia

Ah see! Now that one makes sense to me. It was hard for me to come to a decision about the twitter account – but I decided that I had to risk it. Those who find they don’t want to connect with me there because I changed it from GeekMommy? Probably didn’t really ever connect with me in the first place.

http://www.bloggingbasics101.com Melanie Nelson

Lucretia,

My story is similar: Before 2007 you could find one mention of me (and it was a professional e-mail from my time in 1995 when I headed up the Oil & Gas Journal Online project, AND the web site w/the e-mail was in Japanese). When I started blogging, I chose chilihead (a family nickname) as my handle because I was unsure whether I wanted people to know it was me. I started going by Melanie Nelson in 2008, but people still call me Chili, and? I like it. Now the only place I’m chilihead is on Twitter and I’m unsure whether to change it or not. As you can imagine, Melanie, Melanie Nelson, etc. are taken. I wish I’d planned better. And I could have since I was using Twitter as soon as it came out and I had the pick of the litter.

http://thesocialjoint.com Lucretia

Ah see! Now that one makes sense to me. It was hard for me to come to a decision about the twitter account – but I decided that I had to risk it. Those who find they don’t want to connect with me there because I changed it from GeekMommy? Probably didn’t really ever connect with me in the first place.

http://saraplayshouse.com Sara Plays House

You are absolutely doing the right thing, and I shall stalk you here. (In a non-creepy way, of course.)
:)

http://thesocialjoint.com Lucretia

I love non-creepy internet stalking! :)

http://saraplayshouse.com Sara Plays House

You are absolutely doing the right thing, and I shall stalk you here. (In a non-creepy way, of course.)
:)

http://thesocialjoint.com Lucretia

I love non-creepy internet stalking! :)

http://www.onebyonemedia.com Jim “Genuine” Turner

Oh I will call you something… You know we love you no matter the name!

http://thesocialjoint.com Lucretia

Good to see your real name around that partner! :) I mean, you are Genuine, but you are always Jim to me! ;)

http://www.onebyonemedia.com Jim “Genuine” Turner

Oh I will call you something… You know we love you no matter the name!

http://thesocialjoint.com Lucretia

Good to see your real name around that partner! :) I mean, you are Genuine, but you are always Jim to me! ;)

http://rossotron.com Ross

Maybe I’m the oddball, but I never interpreted your handle as the definitive you. Twhirl posts both your twitter ID and your real name on the tweets I see, and ever since I started following you I’ve seen the “Lucretia” as part of your personality. GeekMommy was what I typed to reply to you, and yes it is easier to spell than LucretiaPruitt, but I only thought of the handle as defining two separate aspects of a much more complex person.

The Social Joint looks great and I’m glad you have been able to embrace your name online and repackage yourself to better suit your goals. Good luck!

http://thesocialjoint.com Lucretia

You and I have that in common then. But it was my realization that not everyone can or does want to do that which made me make the leap! :)

Thanks for the support!!

http://rossotron.com Ross

Maybe I’m the oddball, but I never interpreted your handle as the definitive you. Twhirl posts both your twitter ID and your real name on the tweets I see, and ever since I started following you I’ve seen the “Lucretia” as part of your personality. GeekMommy was what I typed to reply to you, and yes it is easier to spell than LucretiaPruitt, but I only thought of the handle as defining two separate aspects of a much more complex person.

The Social Joint looks great and I’m glad you have been able to embrace your name online and repackage yourself to better suit your goals. Good luck!

http://thesocialjoint.com Lucretia

You and I have that in common then. But it was my realization that not everyone can or does want to do that which made me make the leap! :)

Thanks for the support!!

http://lovepowerandfairytaleendings.blogspot.com Jeffe Kennedy

You know, I don’t think I knew you hated “Tia.” I have to make an effort to stop using it. I’m amazed how many people will revert to calling me “Jennifer” if I confess to that being my “actual” name. Even when I introduced myself as Jeffe and only use that name with them. But I’ve always used Jeffe for all of my bylines, and thus for all of my internet presence. I’m frankly relieved that I have no alternate identities to track!

http://thesocialjoint.com Lucretia

I was thinking about your name – and also some of the folks we knew growing up (do you remember Lane S. suddenly deciding to go by Taylor in 5th grade? Before that, I didn’t know Lane was his middle name!) – when I was writing this.

I think the “I hate that name!” exasperated moments got lost on people because I was rather a melodramatic drama queen growing up. (It lasted well into my 30′s – but I think I’m somewhat contained now!) Hating being called that was just one more complaint about how the world was ‘out to get me.’ ;)

But if you look in all of our yearbooks? I never once went by Tia – always Lucretia. Possibly one of the more embarrassing moments of high school for me was the first day of my Senior English class – wherein the Latin teacher who was teaching it that term launched into the story of the “Rape of Lucretia” only to get most the way through and say “no wait, that was the Rape of the Sabine Women…” and start over. Amazing now that it was embarrassing then, but it was.

Again though, you can call me Bob – as long as you call me! I think having known each other since we were 6 gives you family leeway!! ;)

http://lovepowerandfairytaleendings.blogspot.com Jeffe Kennedy

I do remember the Taylor/Lane conversion! It seems we had conversation in class about people’s names and names that were also common nouns. It was odd because Taylor/Lane had two noun names, noteworthy even without the switch!

I’m glad I get the “old friend” dispensation – I have several of those. Though Kathy Greenwood had to warn her family ahead of time that I’d be calling her Kathy.

Which English teacher was that? Couldn’t have been Mrs. Sobiech!

http://thesocialjoint.com Lucretia

I can only remember her first name, which was Tamara. Saw her a few years later and she had gotten married and changed last name anyways. Either way, it was an experience!
Now I’m wondering if Taylor was happy going to the new name or if it was just too much trouble to switch back! :)

http://lovepowerandfairytaleendings.blogspot.com Jeffe Kennedy

I wonder, too! I tried Googling Taylor Stevens and got this girls Boobcam, so I gave up quickly…

http://lovepowerandfairytaleendings.blogspot.com Jeffe Kennedy

You know, I don’t think I knew you hated “Tia.” I have to make an effort to stop using it. I’m amazed how many people will revert to calling me “Jennifer” if I confess to that being my “actual” name. Even when I introduced myself as Jeffe and only use that name with them. But I’ve always used Jeffe for all of my bylines, and thus for all of my internet presence. I’m frankly relieved that I have no alternate identities to track!

http://thesocialjoint.com Lucretia

I was thinking about your name – and also some of the folks we knew growing up (do you remember Lane S. suddenly deciding to go by Taylor in 5th grade? Before that, I didn’t know Lane was his middle name!) – when I was writing this.

I think the “I hate that name!” exasperated moments got lost on people because I was rather a melodramatic drama queen growing up. (It lasted well into my 30′s – but I think I’m somewhat contained now!) Hating being called that was just one more complaint about how the world was ‘out to get me.’ ;)

But if you look in all of our yearbooks? I never once went by Tia – always Lucretia. Possibly one of the more embarrassing moments of high school for me was the first day of my Senior English class – wherein the Latin teacher who was teaching it that term launched into the story of the “Rape of Lucretia” only to get most the way through and say “no wait, that was the Rape of the Sabine Women…” and start over. Amazing now that it was embarrassing then, but it was.

Again though, you can call me Bob – as long as you call me! I think having known each other since we were 6 gives you family leeway!! ;)

http://lovepowerandfairytaleendings.blogspot.com Jeffe Kennedy

I do remember the Taylor/Lane conversion! It seems we had conversation in class about people’s names and names that were also common nouns. It was odd because Taylor/Lane had two noun names, noteworthy even without the switch!

I’m glad I get the “old friend” dispensation – I have several of those. Though Kathy Greenwood had to warn her family ahead of time that I’d be calling her Kathy.

Which English teacher was that? Couldn’t have been Mrs. Sobiech!

http://thesocialjoint.com Lucretia

I can only remember her first name, which was Tamara. Saw her a few years later and she had gotten married and changed last name anyways. Either way, it was an experience!
Now I’m wondering if Taylor was happy going to the new name or if it was just too much trouble to switch back! :)

http://lovepowerandfairytaleendings.blogspot.com Jeffe Kennedy

I wonder, too! I tried Googling Taylor Stevens and got this girls Boobcam, so I gave up quickly…

http://howardgreenstein.com/blog Howard Greenstein

I’m happy to call you Lucretia, but like Ross above, I always used the “Geek Mommy” term with respect. Kind of like one calls Don Corleone “Godfather.”
:)

http://thesocialjoint.com Lucretia

You, my friend, are someone it never felt like a dismissal or box from. Then again, you also have that tendency to dig deeper than most people – so it’s not a surprise. :)

http://howardgreenstein.com/blog Howard Greenstein

I’m happy to call you Lucretia, but like Ross above, I always used the “Geek Mommy” term with respect. Kind of like one calls Don Corleone “Godfather.”
:)

http://thesocialjoint.com Lucretia

You, my friend, are someone it never felt like a dismissal or box from. Then again, you also have that tendency to dig deeper than most people – so it’s not a surprise. :)

http://www.netmobs.com Jeremy Wright

You’ve always been Lu to me. Since the first time we met. Hope that’s okay!

#nervousface

http://thesocialjoint.com Lucretia

Of course it is!
Just like it’s okay that my family calls me Tia – as long as they *call* me from time to time.

Names are only bad when they are limiting.

Think of me more like an Italian chef who realized that “Pizzeria” was the wrong thing to call her restaurant when that was only one item on an extensive menu.

But it’s still me. ;)

http://www.netmobs.com Jeremy Wright

You’ve always been Lu to me. Since the first time we met. Hope that’s okay!

#nervousface

http://thesocialjoint.com Lucretia

Of course it is!
Just like it’s okay that my family calls me Tia – as long as they *call* me from time to time.

Names are only bad when they are limiting.

Think of me more like an Italian chef who realized that “Pizzeria” was the wrong thing to call her restaurant when that was only one item on an extensive menu.

But it’s still me. ;)

http://www.rachel-levy.com Rachel Levy

Great post. So, just to clarify… you didn’t change stop using GeekMommy because it wasn’t your real name, but rather, because it didn’t represent what you do? I grapple with this a bit too, as my Twitter handle is @BostonMarketer. I feel that the positive is that people know exactly what I do without even asking. But, I do lose out on the personal branding side. I feel the positives outweigh the negatives, so for now, am sticking with BostonMarketer. So, it seems like if you had been using a name that better represented you, you wouldn’t have felt the need to switch?

http://thesocialjoint.com Lucretia

Yes and no.

I spent a lot of time pondering questions like “is the social capital I built up with GeekMommy going to go away if I stop using it?” and “is the capital built on false pretenses if it doesn’t really represent what I do?” and “are the connections mine? or some fictional character named GeekMommy’s?”

A friend of mine, Jenn Fowler, and I discussed this a lot because I had advised her to change her ID to her name @jennfowler early on as she built her twitter network rather than the @frugalupstate (the name of her blog) that she had been using. I kept lamenting that I hadn’t made the shift myself earlier – but kept convincing myself that I “needed to maintain the continuity of the brand.”

This change was prompted by both I guess.

http://www.rachel-levy.com Rachel Levy

Great post. So, just to clarify… you didn’t change stop using GeekMommy because it wasn’t your real name, but rather, because it didn’t represent what you do? I grapple with this a bit too, as my Twitter handle is @BostonMarketer. I feel that the positive is that people know exactly what I do without even asking. But, I do lose out on the personal branding side. I feel the positives outweigh the negatives, so for now, am sticking with BostonMarketer. So, it seems like if you had been using a name that better represented you, you wouldn’t have felt the need to switch?

http://thesocialjoint.com Lucretia

Yes and no.

I spent a lot of time pondering questions like “is the social capital I built up with GeekMommy going to go away if I stop using it?” and “is the capital built on false pretenses if it doesn’t really represent what I do?” and “are the connections mine? or some fictional character named GeekMommy’s?”

A friend of mine, Jenn Fowler, and I discussed this a lot because I had advised her to change her ID to her name @jennfowler early on as she built her twitter network rather than the @frugalupstate (the name of her blog) that she had been using. I kept lamenting that I hadn’t made the shift myself earlier – but kept convincing myself that I “needed to maintain the continuity of the brand.”

This change was prompted by both I guess.

nysher

I can’t even think of calling you anything but “Tia”. I am the preverbal old dog=) It would seem like I was mad at you to call you “Lucretia”.

Hope all is well with you and the family!

http://thesocialjoint.com Lucretia

Well you can totally slide by – but I think that means you have to call me…
Yup, totally the rule!!

;) I’ll email you all the current numbers!! Miss you!

nysher

I can’t even think of calling you anything but “Tia”. I am the preverbal old dog=) It would seem like I was mad at you to call you “Lucretia”.

Hope all is well with you and the family!

http://thesocialjoint.com Lucretia

Well you can totally slide by – but I think that means you have to call me…
Yup, totally the rule!!

;) I’ll email you all the current numbers!! Miss you!

Sorrow

Oh dear…
does that mean I can’t call you Tish?
laughing
Cause you never really were a Tia to me. I still see you in my minds eye as a “mortisha”
laughing
yeah whats in a name? really?
you should read the grief i get for my name!!!
and even though it is a nickname from the outside the web world, people still get pissed off and offended by the name sorrow.
go figure.
~snicker~
I will be your new lunch time stalker, and I really do know what you do, and being a wonderful mommy is a bonus in your life accomplishments!
(((hugs)))
Love you Lucretia

http://thesocialjoint.com Lucretia

They say the exceptions make the rule don’t they? You can call me Bob too my friend. But I haven’t had black hair (thankfully!) in 20 years. Still, she was hot, wasn’t she? :)

Sorrow

Oh dear…
does that mean I can’t call you Tish?
laughing
Cause you never really were a Tia to me. I still see you in my minds eye as a “mortisha”
laughing
yeah whats in a name? really?
you should read the grief i get for my name!!!
and even though it is a nickname from the outside the web world, people still get pissed off and offended by the name sorrow.
go figure.
~snicker~
I will be your new lunch time stalker, and I really do know what you do, and being a wonderful mommy is a bonus in your life accomplishments!
(((hugs)))
Love you Lucretia

http://thesocialjoint.com Lucretia

They say the exceptions make the rule don’t they? You can call me Bob too my friend. But I haven’t had black hair (thankfully!) in 20 years. Still, she was hot, wasn’t she? :)

http://www.misadventureswithandi.com Andi

Bravo! Great post. I was born with another name that I only go by for legal purposes: passport, driver’s license, etc. I have always gone by Andi and actually keep my real extended name private, but it was a conscious choice I made at the beginning and I am very happy about it.

http://www.misadventureswithandi.com Andi

Bravo! Great post. I was born with another name that I only go by for legal purposes: passport, driver’s license, etc. I have always gone by Andi and actually keep my real extended name private, but it was a conscious choice I made at the beginning and I am very happy about it.