Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Get Your Speak On

Hands-free surfing. The dream of every couch potato.

Wives, are you still looking for that perfect gift for your lazy husband this holiday season? How about a voice-activated, universal TV remote?

Introducing the Invoca 3.0. This little beauty runs on four rechargeable AA batteries, offering years of obedient service. It can learn the voices of up to four different users, in any language or accent, so everyone in the family can use it - with Dad's permission, of course. It even talks you through the programming process, which means he won't have to fumble with clumsy, confusing instruction manuals (not that he would anyway).

Best of all, it retails at only $60! A great stocking-stuffer!

Think about it. No more "Honey, I can't find the remote! And when you bring that, bring me another beer from the fridge, will you?" shouted at you from the living room (or basement, or garage, or bathroom, or wherever he happens to be watching the game). You'll be able to cook the pot roast, wash the dishes, scrub the floor, and fold the laundry in complete peace - no interruptions. So, you see, it would actually be a gift for both of you.

I actually found a Sony universal remote a couple years ago that REALLY controls all your components. You can create custom "soft" buttons and "teach" the remote all those functions that the preprogrammed codes never include. It cost over $100, is the size of a 1970s handheld calculator, and getting it fully programmed is worth 16 credits toward an undergraduate electronic engineering degree. But I now really control everything with one remote! It doesn't answer when I talk to it, but I have this creepy feeling that it's been reading my lips.