The immediate aftermath of an emotionally charged knock-out match is not the most reasonable time to expect lucid analysis. But, all the same, there was some very impressive delusion around Europe after the latest round of the Champions League. "All teams are equal at this stage of the competition," said Juande Ramos after Real Madrid had been demolished 4-0. Eh? "I know we won," announced Jose Mourinho cryptically after Inter lost 2-0. Pardon? "I wouldn't say the result was a failure," reckoned Henk ten Cate on the back of a 2-1 defeat. What?

But the prize for the grandest delusion of all goes to Arsenal goalkeeper Manuel Almunia, who magnanimously decided not to take all the glory by crooning of his team, "We are all heroes."

Let's not pour on his parade too much, after all he has had a decent season and did end up being mobbed by happy team-mates as a place in the quarter-finals was finally confirmed. But including himself as one of the penalty heroes doesn't really bear close scrutiny. In fact it is hard to recall another goalkeeper who has ever looked so ill during the 12-yard tango. The one he managed to keep out, from Mirko Vucinic, wasn't exactly a well-executed save. He fell over and the ball hit him.

Each time an Arsenal player hovered over the ball to take a kick, when Doni took his turn at the heart of this horror show, Almunia appeared to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown behind the goal. Successful penalty keepers normally make themselves look big, brave and intimidating. A famous example of recent years was Oliver Kahn, who prepared for his moment of truth in the 2001 Champions League final by prowling his area like a caged tiger. He was terrifying. Even his own team-mates knew better than to go near him to wish him luck. Not many opponents would have wanted to be on the same pitch as him, never mind try to knock one past him.

Neither goalkeeper managed to disguise their anxiety in the Stadio Olimpico. Doni appeared not to know which day of the week it was. Almunia emitted the level of bravado you might expect of a man who was recently photographed in a tabloid newspaper walking a small dog in a leather jacket that just might have been fuchsia. Was there ever a more neurotic penalty shoot-out? Woody Allen should have been commentating.

It is a mystery how Arsenal's players made it through the penalty ordeal - scoring a fantastic seven of their eight attempts - when most of them plainly felt like they were being forced down a plank by a sadistic pirate wielding a red hot poker. But for the grace of the football gods, any of them could have woken up the next morning feeling like poor Max Tonetto.

In the 1986 European Cup final, Barcelona demonstrated in the most graphic way just how awful penalties can be. Steaua Bucharest's goalkeeper, the wonderfully named Helmut Duckadam, saved four of their spot kicks. The Romanians won the shoot-out 2-0.

The best thing about Arsenal's penalty experience is that the drama detracted from what was a truly ragged performance in Rome. But the way Arsenal huffed and puffed against the weakest opposition any English team faced in Europe this week, the way they failed to shine on a stage that inspired so much more from Liverpool, Chelsea and Manchester United, makes the gap between them and the top three even more imposing.

It has already become a cliché among the four non-English quarter-finalists that the Premier League teams are the ones to avoid in the draw. But that is not strictly the case. If Barcelona, Bayern, Villarreal or Porto find themselves entangled with Arsenal after next week's draw, just watch their officials struggling to suppress a big fat smile.