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CAROLINE, six year old lass, golden flowing locks sits at the table, poised. Not a piece of silverware out of place. She holds the spoon in her small hand, dips it into the porridge, scoops up a spoonful, pops the porridge filled spoon into her mouth. BENJAMIN, late thirties, gentleman, short raven hair, reclines in the chair opposite Caroline, the long table stretches between them. He holds a newspaper between his hands, the sound of paper being turned echoes through the large room. EVELYN, late twenties, elegant young woman, sits at the table side, between Caroline and Benjamin. She raises the cup of tea up to her scarlet lips, sips from the chinaware, pinkie slightly extended. Benjamin hums, eyes following the words on the paper.

REVIEWS

I'm a little bit of a weirdo and i always like to see the way a writer writes not just in the dialogue but in the action and direction, and this script did grab me right from the beginning, although I don't think the use of the word "Fuck" was entirely necessary, especially as it appears nowhere else in the dialogue or action of the rest of the film. I thought that Kate's character was likeable enough, its one of those situations where the protagonist and the main character are two different people, because the script focuses on Kate more, but Leslie drives the story. and here is where I think you begin to run into some issues. Leslie is the chance to really make the audience think, but she comes across as some kind of shakespearean tragic character who does nothing but dump exposition after exposition on the film, which really I think begins to weigh on the film. Film is an audio visual medium, and you need to focus on show not tell. Leslie bogs the story down, and she kind of takes you out of the story. I think you should focus on making that character feel more real and believable. also I think that the beef between Kate and Leslie should be something more then just an affair, and the characters should have met more then once. I also don't think Frank should be in the film, OR the mother. I think that if Frank kills her it creates an interesting character dilemma, if he doesn't, then his little came comes across as useless and pointless, and continues to bog down this films tiny run time, or the mother should make the cameo, to provide some context for her actions later on in the film, because I do love the twist at the end, its excellently written and timed, and excellently executed, overall this has tons of potential, there is just a lot of excess and things you should trim down, keep up the great work.

The characters, in my opinion, are not developed enough for this story to be believable. There are more questions as to why anyone is doing what they are doing in the story than there are answers. Why is Kate there? She's having an affair with Leslie's husband...why would she go? There could easily be something in the opening scene that directly expresses that. Kate's there, so there should be a very strong reason for that. Why is Leslie doing this? To find someone to take care of her husband? Or to get her husband's lover to commit murder? Either way, it doesn't matter because in the end her mother obliges and there's no resolution to any of the problems Kate has to face. Leslie should have a very strong motivating factor for wanting to specifically have Kate end her life. The relationships between these characters aren't fleshed out enough to really get invested in their lives. Where do Kate and Frank work specifically? What type of cancer does Leslie have? Frank entering seems like bad timing. Is it? Or did Leslie plan on them being in the room together? It feels like there is a missed opportunity for a little drama to take place at that moment. Frank doesn't act like one might think a husband should act when confronted with his lover in front of his dying wife. Why does Leslie want flowers? Is there a significance for the flowers? Why would Kate return the next morning? Out of pity? Did she really have that strong of a connection or feel that remorseful? Then there needs to be a line to address that emotion. What kind of mother kills their own child? That's an interesting character that has no rhyme or reason to be there other than to kill her kid. There are stronger choices to make that will satisfy the story and the reader better. What's the message in this story? Is there a message in this story? Is there some kind of lesson the reader should be learning? Is this just for voyeurism? Too many questions by the end of the script and not enough resolution. Giving each character specific backstories and then clearer motivations will certainly help strengthen this script. If the mother is there to put her daughter out of her misery then there should be a line to clarify. Something simple and direct would suffice.