Grab your smelling salts, Paige and Emily are getting down at a hoedown on “Pretty Little Liars”

You know how sometimes someone will write a fanfic and you’ll swoon so hard over it but accept in your heart that the show you’re reading about will never really take you to that place where you need to be whisked away to your fainting couch? Well, that’s because you don’t watch Pretty Little Liars. Imagine, for example, a ranch-themed fanfic where Emily and Paige wear cowboy hats and cowboy boots and plaid and neckerchiefs and get down and dirty at a barn-burnin’ dance-off. Now clutch your pearls, ’cause that’s a thing that is actually happening.

And you know what this episode is called, don’t you? You have to know. It’s called “The Hoe is Going Down.” It airs on Monday, August 20th, and now I have to go partake of some smelling salts and catch my breath because holy lord.