(I’m well known for being extremely clumsy and unlucky. My wife comes home from work around four am. I’m in bed asleep, and roll over to greet her when a sharp pain stabs me between my toes.)

Me: “OW! What in the—”

Wife: “Oh no, what did you do now?”

Me: “Foot, foot, foot, ow—”

Wife: “You… you have a splinter between your toes.”

Me: “What?! It wasn’t there when I went to bed. How did I give myself a splinter in my sleep?!”

Wife:*sighs and gets the tweezers* “I want to say I’m surprised, but honey, you always damage yourself somehow. You’ve been okay lately, so I guess you were due.” *looks at my other foot* “What’s that?”

Me: “What’s what?” *she pokes the top of my foot and I howl in pain* “WHAT DID YOU DO?!”

Wife: “Oh-kay. Time to call a doctor!”

(I had a cyst on my other foot that was also on my tendon. I wound up needing surgery to remove it. Love hurts!)