well I don’t live in Atlanta (I hate when people move to Georgia and say they live in Atlanta)

but anyways to Georgia(lol).

Every since I moved here I’m telling you I have been coming to some things & been going through some things that I’ve either number one never encountered before or number two never had to encounter alone.

Everything that I’ve been doing I’ve been doing 90% on my own.

I get help from others when I can, I get help from others when I really need, but everybody is at least at least a minimum of 30 minutes from me.

So, my car right, I love my car, very thankful for my car, I thank God every day for my car!

It’s a very good car but you know everything got some flaws in it.

So I got a few leakage glitches in my windshield.

Now now, I have my rainy day money for this rain here that I’m going through but I don’t have hurricane money lmbo.

So in Georgia it rains a lot, for a week at a time at least.

And Friday on my way to take my baby to daycare in the middle of the rain my windshield wipers just stopped working!

So that day I had to call into work and I had to call her off at school.

That day after it stopped raining I went and I stayed over my sisters house,

& anywhere we went she told me I could drive her car or she will drive

(god bless her soul lol)

So thank God the next day it didn’t rain.

We helping my sister & brother in law move into their beautiful, BEAUTIFULl town home, that I am so happy for her to have!

We moved into it & we stay the night with her after helping unpack and helping her get settled you know how we do.

So come Sunday, Riley and I get ready to leave.

We’re checking the weather and we notice it’s supposed to rain for the next 3 to 5 days consistently!

At this point the car was the last thing I'd worry about because

he may not come when you want him to, but he is always on time.

So she’s like

"if you want you can just take my car"

(lump in my throat)

Because one thing that I’ve been working on is being too prideful!

I don’t often like seeking help so I’m so, SO grateful.

so grateful that God gave me a mother to instill such greatness in us siblings

Teaching us such such great qualities,

and raising us to always be there for each other no matter what!

I’m thankful that those qualities have been permanently instilled in my sister!

I thank God for my family every day in every way!!

We are always there for each other no matter what!

No matter the circumstances!

No matter the tone of voice!

No matter the amount of money in our pocket!

Love at the end of the day is really all that matters!

Being there for each other at the end of the day is all that matters!

So here I am now,

driving in the rain with a lump in my throat,

thanking God.

Thankful as can be that even though sometimes I feel aloneI am not alone.

One reason I do believe that God is always so good to me is

because no matter what, what anyone may think

of my attitude, how I talk, how I look,

whatever the case may be,

I do nothing but good onto people.

I have a good heart.

[I’m not going to say I like everybody, but one thing I never do is mistreat anyone.

You'll know I don’t like you but I’ll never mistreat you!]

So I’m just thankful that we are close, that we have such great love you know!

Sunday

I remember growing up and I would hear slick comments about
my mother being our friend.

“She’s trying to be your friend more than your mother.”

Growing up I then realized
the best way to build a relationship is to first have a friendship to form and
build a trust.

I never felt my mother was just my friend, but being a mother
you’re obligated to play many roles, friend being one of them.
You have
to be able to kick it with your child with no back lash, anger or mixed up
feelings.

With her doing that we created an unbreakable bond.
I don’t
feel ashamed to speak with her about anything.
I trust her to handle my
emotions and my life.
She opened up every part of her so that we would feel
like we didn’t need to run to the next person, male or female when we feel a
lack of something.

At 27, with a child of my own we have the best friendship
ever.
Never get it twisted though, because I am always a mother first.
Children
need to know and feel that they can trust you, that you believe in them and
that there isn’t a thing you wouldn’t do for them.

Riley and I have the times of our lives together.
I kick it
with her like she’s my sister, I teach her right from wrong, I build her up
especially when she feels down, and I protect her down to the tiny bones in her
toes.

I protect her and nurture her as a mother should and show her the way of
life.
I hold no secrets in return she holds none from me.
I am completely
honest no matter the level or emotion forth coming it has on either of us.Whatever she faces we face together.
That is all there is to it.

So when I say it’s never too early I mean it’s never too
early if it’s something you feel is necessary for your child to know, learn or
experience.
In this day and age our children are being taken from us more and
more each day.
Rather by mistaken death, illness, suicide, and even abduction. Educate them on the everyday battles of life, on the issues that arise in young
children and in African American children.

I have a friend whose daughter is the same age as Riley.
Recently she received a devastating call regarding a comment her daughter made
in school,

“I want to kill myself.”

I felt for her as we talked and she cried because not only
do we carry our baby’s emotions the last thing we want is for anything to
happen to them.
Sometimes even though they are small, you have to get to the
core of them.
Be sure to stay engaged, ask them how their days are, ask them
about their friends, the things they learn and most importantly make them feel
like they can come to you for any and every little thing.

Suicide has become
common in our young African Americans
and we need to make sure we are there for
them. Loving them and securing them!

No question is too big or too grown!You rather them learn
things the correct way from you or the wrong way from the world?
You can lead them but the rest is up to them at the end of
the day!Be there for your kids and be active in their life while still allowing
them to be children!

Wednesday

Sometimes I think to myself and wonder was this the right move for me!

Why do I ask myself?

I’ve come in contact with a few battles or two, but who doesn’t right?

But now that I’ve let go of my moms boob and became 100% independent in everything I’ve become flustered.

I moved to Georgia for a better life, which by the way has been the best but being situated is where it gets complicated!

Upon moving I was a participant of the Housing Choice Voucher program which is commonly known as “section 8.”

Section 8 is a government funded housing project that assists with rental payments and utility assistance if needed for those at a certain income level.

Now as you may think sometimes to receive any government “benefits” you have to be doing little to nothing right? Although they make you feel that way that is not true!

There was never a time I worked less than 40 hours a week in over 4 years and their assistance to me was a $62-monthly payment.

Although I was very grateful for that.

I was always told “use it as something to fall back on.”

Each time I’m thinking fall back? That’s the last thing I want to do.

Yes it comes in handy for when you may fall on hard times and lose your job.

But being the hardworking and dedicated woman that I am, I never planned to

“fall on hard times.”

Moving here, they gave me the biggest run around just to end up telling me they can’t afford to pay for where I’ve chosen to reside.

I was never too excited to be on this "assistance" from jump,. because our focus was to always

break generational curses!

And to be honest I was embarrassed to even say it!

But it sounded good at the time and it was beneficial for the situation that I was coming out of!

Long story short, because I came here to seek opportunities and better our lives.

To give my daughter somewhere she could grow and prosper, & that was the last thing that I would allow to hold me back.

So with only two weeks left until my last extension expired, I decided to let go!

No thank you! You can have your assistance. You will not get all up in my business, bank accounts, assets, pass false judgement & tell me what’s acceptable to reside only to provide me with $62 a month!

No thank you! Kiss my ass!!

So now it' up to me to work hard and make this life that the two of us have been dreaming of for so long!

Before moving Riley here I applied for childcare assistance! Here it is August and I’ve been told that I don’t qualify because without me being in one of many “priority groups” (domestic, homeless, special needs child, grandparent adoption, work min. 24hrs/week,etc) that I over qualified lol!

Whaaaaaat?

So you mean to tell me although I pay all this rent, drive all this way, work all these hard hours and single parent that i can’t get help?

It’s like they set it up so we want to fail and want to need them.

They want us to be down bad before they help us.

Instead of actually helping those who are actually trying their hardest to help themselves.

But I don’t need them and I definitely won’t beg, lie, scheme or scam to get help from a bunch of nosey, inconsiderate strangers who could care less about us.

It's pretty sad that one should even have to go to such depths when it took two to create.

I shouldn't have to seek anyone else's financial assistance when the other "parental" party claims to have so much money!

I now have picked up every off day I have, to make sure that not just myself but that Riley never falls short of anything!!!

I shouldn’t have to do it alone, no one should.

Is it hard?

Most days but this love and bond out weighs anything I could ever encounter!

All this to say, don’t let what others won’t do stop you or affect the way you do anything.

You have got to move with the beat of your drum and if your beat is picking up you’ve got to pick it up.

Push hard and go harder!

My drums have turned in to snares and my mind has been all over trying to catch this beat.

It took my denial to feel like I had something worthy of blogging about!

Breaking generational curses are,

not going through, doing, or dealing with what your parents, & their parents and so forth dealt with.

Go do things different than them.

Seek opportunities they wish they could have!

Work harder than their bodies have allowed.

God's doing a new thing and he’s giving me all the things I never wanted in the first place! But he told me that’s not where I stop that’s just the leap across the puddle.

Monday

Soon as I moved in I automatically did the number one thing I couldn’t wait to do, and that’s post my affirmations, manifestations and goals.

At first I wasn’t doing them much but lately I’ve been doing them

and doing it like I mean it!

Responding to myself and actually putting my mind to the test.

So lately I’ve been feeling in this trance.

I haven’t been able to sleep. I literally get up every hour on the hour.

I haven’t had an appetite so I haven’t been eating and my fluid intake hasn’t been what it was either.

I have no energy and I’m nothing but sleepy but I can’t rest!
And I haven’t been able to breathe, literally. Like having panic attacks on the highway.
So I got hooked on this song “dear future me” and I listen to it everyday.
Pandora wasn’t playing it enough so I downloaded it.
And at this point it’s playing at least 10 times a day minimum!
So I’m driving home from work one evening and I’m playing it, over and over and over for at least the first 20 min.
So I’m feeling it more and more by then!
Starting it over further from the end each time like there was a message I was decoding.
And guess what believe it or not, there was!
Now some may believe the feeling or not but it’s a first time experience for me.
I haven’t been able to eat, sleep or breathe because I’m hungry for the wrong things!
God forced me to fast until I realized what I should, and can do!!
Over the past 24 hours I’ve spoken to what seems to be two great Kings who gave me insight on the 2 things I want,
a career and a home of my own!
It gave me a good push of motivation!.
It’s like God said It’s time to pour out those things that are holding you down so you can realize how to move forward.
I've been asking for the next step, wondering and couldn’t for the life of me figure it out.
Always listen to your intuition, it's there to guide you!

Hope this encouraged someone. I have now taken my next step to my future and look forward to sharing along the way!