TRH RECAP 36: COYOTE UGLY

Well as the 3 of you that read The Royal Half on a regular basis might have noticed… we've had a little less content around here this season. With myself doing the GAMEDAY PREVIEWS for LAKings.com, I haven't had as much free time to do unfunny and boring recaps of the Los Angeles Kings games. So to fix that, we are trying something new this week and calling up a writer from the minors.

Oh, he looks like he'll fit in just fine around here.

PumperNicholl is a lifelong LA Kings fan and actually learned how to speak English by watching LA Kings games… and the Police Academy movies. He's been following me on Twitter for a while now… and I find him crass, idiotic and unfunny. So I thought he'd be the perfect fit for The Royal Half! Below is his 1st attempt at a GAME RECAP… and boy… the LA Kings sure provided a doozy for him. So take a read and let us know what you think in the comments. Should we keep PumperNicholl around… or trade him for a 5th Round draft pick by noon today? Take it away, PumperNicholl….

*THE FOLLOWING BELOW IS NOT WRITTEN BY THE ROYAL HALF, BUT RATHER A GUEST WRITER*

The stretch drive for the Stanley Cup playoffs is officially in full swing as the trade deadline is finally here. Every GM has been tirelessly working to determine whether they should buy, sell, or be concerned that their owner has given them their third vote of confidence since Monday. During these final roster tweaking moments, GMs don’t want to show their hand too early, but fans and media members can see the glaring holes from a mile away.

So while teams like the Penguins and Bruins engage in an all-out arms race, other contenders are carefully adding minor pieces to the puzzle. And despite a eye cancer inducing poor showing on the eve of the trade deadline, the roster Dean Lombardi has carefully molded over the years seems to be in pretty good shape. With just a few minor alterations the Kings could be poised to make a run at back-to-back Stanley Cup Championships.

KINGS PLAYERS MOST LIKELY TO WAKE UP ON ANOTHER TEAM

DAVIS DREWISKE

With Darryl Sutter reinserting Brad Richardson in the lineup, Dean Lombardi quickly responded to the roster’s “pretty boy” problem. He’s added Robyn Regehr, but one Shrek-like man can only do so much. Sadly, the writing has been on the wall for a while for all around good guy Davis Drewiske. Since signing a three-year extension, Drewiske has only played 109 of the 281 games, so it’s nearly certain he’ll be gone.

PREDICTION: Drewiske gets traded to an Eastern Conference team and gets his name engraved on the Stanley Cup as a 7th defensemen.

However, let’s take a moment to recall the season and career highlights of Drewiske’s tenure with the Los Angeles Kings:

Thanks for the memories, Whiskey.

ALEC MARTINEZ/KEATON ELLERBY

On a night where the Kings made room on their blueline for the incoming Regehr, the bottom pairing of Martinez and Ellerby must have forgotten Matt Greene is expected back in just a few weeks. In the first game of the post-Drewiske era, the duo combined for an uninspiring -5 rating in 26 minutes of ice time. They somehow managed to do this playing one minute less than Drew Doughty. Granted, Lombardi will likely want the insurance Martinez and Ellerby provide, but he still has time to upgrade the position as well.

PREDICTION: Martinez and Ellerby have a Zoolandersque Walk Off in Lombardi’s office to determine which gets traded before the deadline. So long, Keaton. We hardly knew thee.

By the way, with the acquisitions of Regehr and Ellerby, Lombardi successfully killed three birds with two stones:

In Honor of the Players Who Only Affect a Few Games Out of the Year, The Royal Half Presents:THE NHL CY YOUNG AWARD RACE

After finishing the Western Conference Final with a disappointing two points and a -1 rating, Yandle put the team on his back with two goals in the 3-1 win. His all-around leadership and offensive outburst helped the Coyotes leapfrog the firesale special Dallas Stars into sole possession of 12th place of the Western Conference, just one point back of the idle Edmonton Oilers and Columbus Blue Jackets.

2. NHL GMs

In the ultimate “eff you” to TSN, CBC and Sportsnet, the NHL GMs decided to get all of their major trades out of the way before Canada’s equivalent of the opening day of March Madness. On the bright side, there’s a very good chance Aaron Ward will attempt to report another premature trade before Bob McKenzie body slams him on national TV.

1. Jason LaBarbera

LaBarbera turned aside 39 shots in a game that saw his SV% rise to .924 and GAA drop to 2.48. The stellar performance has led to a growing consensus amongst Kings fans that those numbers would look excellent backing up Jonathan Bernier during the playoff run.