‘I didn’t know what a husband was’

By VOA News

Shkoza, Tirana, Albania At 13½, Orkida Driza knew little of marriage but understood family obligations as a member of Albania’s Egyptian minority. Hers was to accept the match her mother arranged to a man almost twice her age with connections needed to save her sister’s life. At 28, she left him, taking their children, only to make a calculation similar to her mother’s. Now a 40-year-old grandmother in the capital city of Tirana, Driza is, as she says, her own man.

Transcript:

My name is Orkida Driza, and I was married when I was 13 years and 7 months old.

One of my older sisters suffered from a grave kidney disease. Both her kidneys were failing. Her life was really in danger.

My mom decided to marry me off so my sister could have an operation, because the woman who wanted me to marry her son was on friendly terms with the doctors at the town hospital.

She worked with my mom and told her, ‘If you give me your younger daughter for my son, I will do everything I can for your other daughter to receive medical care.’

It was an obligation to my family, and I did it to save my sister’s life. I didn’t know what a husband was. I didn’t know what to do.

I just thought we’d be like friends and in return, my sister’s life would be saved.

Not only was he blind, he was an alcoholic who was never home.

I was 13 years and 7 months old, and he was 24. The marriage lasted 15 years. I had four children with him.

I took it, I took it, I took it, I took it. Then I left because I couldn’t take it anymore.

Former child bride Orkida Driza sits on a bed with her daughter and grandchildren. Her marriage lasted for 15 years and produced four children. (Photos by Matteo Bastianelli for VOA News)

Former child bride Orkida Driza sits on a bed with her daughter and grandchildren. Her marriage lasted for 15 years and produced four children. (Photos by Matteo Bastianelli for VOA News)

Erjona Aliu, right, was 15 when she married Besnik Aliu, who was 23. Now 20, Erjona is pregnant with their third child. The family lives in Tirana, Albania.

A child bride at 12, Xhensila Bukri holds her son Arben in Tirana, Albania. Now 18, she has three children. Her husband is currently in prison.

LEFT: Erjona Aliu, right, was 15 when she married Besnik Aliu, who was 23. Now 20, Erjona is pregnant with their third child. The family lives in Tirana, Albania. RIGHT: A child bride at 12, Xhensila Bukri holds her son Arben in Tirana, Albania. Now 18, she has three children. Her husband is currently in prison.

When my oldest, Bleona, was 11 years old, someone from the Egyptian community came to ask to marry her.

I had no other way. I thought whatever God had in store for me, even sleeping in the streets, at least my daughter would have shelter.

I didn’t know anyone who could take her in. I regret it deeply, but I had no choice.

She was engaged at 11. At 12 years old, that boy took her to his home. Then, when she was 13-and-a-half, she became his wife for real.

My daughter has a good life with him. He doesn’t drink. He doesn’t keep bad company. He takes care of his family. He takes care of my daughter and their kids.

At this stage of my life, I don’t need a husband anymore. I am my own man. I have suffered a lot. What do I need a man for? Better to take care of myself and my kids.

I’m 40 years old. I’m a grandmother. I call on all mothers: Even though we were married off while young, we should at least give a good education to our kids.

You should be at least 20 to get married. I married my daughter off because we had no place to live. Where could I keep her?

The term ‘child marriage’ refers to formal marriages and informal unions in which a girl or boy under age 18 lives with a partner as if married. In an informal union, a couple lacks a formal civil or religious ceremony. Our graphic is based on United Nations information. The main sources are national census and household surveys, including the Multiple Indicator Cluster Surveys (MICS) and Demographic and Health Surveys (DHS). Surveys are subject to sampling and measurement error. We used the U.N. child marriage and population figures to approximate how many women in each country were married before 15 and before 18.

Source: “Child Marriage Database”. UNICEF (March 2018)

“World Population Prospects: The 2017 Revision”. The United Nations Department of Economic and Social Affairs, Population Division (2017)

About the project

VOA reporters around the world focused on the worth of a girl to reveal how a young bride is valued by two families: the one she leaves behind and the one she joins. And what is the cost to the girl herself of marrying before age 18? To solicit global views during our reporting, VOA news teams—representing 12 languages—posted short videos of girls and women describing their experiences as brides and young mothers. These Facebook videos received millions of views and thousands of comments, from strings of emojis to provocative arguments for and against child marriage.