noun. A man who watches way too much porn in an attempt to convince himself that he is not gay and does not have a girlfriend. The porn always involves a fairly attractive male star, anal sex, and way too many blowjobs. He sometimes clicks on links that may or may not be gay porn, "just to be sure." After this, he may feel guilty that it kinda turned him on, he'll tell himself that he isn't gay, and watch lesbian sex, which he'll turn off rather quickly. His masterbating usually ends up with him staring at the huge cock or tight ass of the male star and crying. He may or may not use these tears as lube, but most of the time, the idea of tears on his own tiny penis keeps him going if he accidentally looks at anything on the women.
At some point he'll put his dick into an ashtray and rub the surprisingly warm ashes into his already tear irritated dick until it bleeds. He'll do this after being egged on by his friends. The rubbing would be his idea.
A very popular slang term in California and Hawai'i, although sometimes heard as far east as Illinois. Comes from British or, some say, a part of southern Russia.

Shut up Rachford, we don't want to come over and watch a movie, you'll probably nut on us if we fall asleep, you fuckin' rectal rummager.