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Lifting Seriously, and your Significant Other

Hey all, while I'm sure most of you have a s.o. that lifts, or is completely supportive of you lifting, living the lifestyle that goes with it, etc... but for those that don't... How do you make the best of the situation? Or find ways to get him/her more supportive or involved? I love my Fiance and she did used to come lift in the beginning with me, but as of late I know she really wishes I would either just stop altogether or take it a little less seriously.
I mean me lifting isn't new to her, I told her from the start that this was a big part of my life and nothing could replace it. Now come competition time she's great she'll sit through a whole meet all day and feed me the day after while I sit around, but I know she hates the process of me having to meal prep, wake up early to lift, go to bed early etc.

Anyone else deal with this? I really do my best to work with her, I'll train at 5:30 am so I can go straight home to be with her after work and all, and I don't need encouragement or anything to push myself... but sometimes I just wish I had that support system at home.

My wife isn't the hugest fan of my lifting obsession - but it doesn't have anything to do with the gym itself, it always boils down to time. Being married with a full time job and 2 kids, it doesn't always go over well when I work all day then head to the gym straight after work instead of coming home...or try to head in on a day off to lift when she has a bunch of shit she'd like me to be doing around the house.

The biggest thing is finding a way to balance things - carve out time to train, but also carve out time for her too. People(and lets be real, especially women) will assume that the things you spend time on are those which are most important to you. Don't let her think that you'd rather pick a barbell up before her!

Take my points for what they're worth. My ex wife and I basically met each other in the gym. Focused our time around seeing each other there first thing after work each day (no kids), and supported each other's goals no matter what they were when it came to fitness. We wanted to both be healthy, strong, and attractive for the other.

Before her affair last fall, she had all but given up all of her fitness pursuits. There were plenty of other factors that played into her betrayal and our subsequent divorce, but I look back at that as a major red flag; us not doing the thing together that we both loved anymore.

Not saying that to scare you or say something is going on, because every single situation is different, but I would consider having some serious and open conversations about her concerns and your needs/goals in the gym. If you see it as a bonding opportunity for you two, tell her you want to find a way for you both to train together or at least be in the gym at the same time as each other.

My wife isn't the hugest fan of my lifting obsession - but it doesn't have anything to do with the gym itself, it always boils down to time. Being married with a full time job and 2 kids, it doesn't always go over well when I work all day then head to the gym straight after work instead of coming home...or try to head in on a day off to lift when she has a bunch of shit she'd like me to be doing around the house.

The biggest thing is finding a way to balance things - carve out time to train, but also carve out time for her too. People(and lets be real, especially women) will assume that the things you spend time on are those which are most important to you. Don't let her think that you'd rather pick a barbell up before her!

Yea I do my best to balance my time. I usually will train early in the AM before she even wakes up so that I can come straight home after work and be together. We just moved to NC two months back so its just her and I... no family no friends here.. I even stopped training on Saturdays so that I could be home in the mornings on my days off. It's probably like you said, she probably feels that training is more important than her...

Originally Posted by RENFRO

Take my points for what they're worth. My ex wife and I basically met each other in the gym. Focused our time around seeing each other there first thing after work each day (no kids), and supported each other's goals no matter what they were when it came to fitness. We wanted to both be healthy, strong, and attractive for the other.

Before her affair last fall, she had all but given up all of her fitness pursuits. There were plenty of other factors that played into her betrayal and our subsequent divorce, but I look back at that as a major red flag; us not doing the thing together that we both loved anymore.

Not saying that to scare you or say something is going on, because every single situation is different, but I would consider having some serious and open conversations about her concerns and your needs/goals in the gym. If you see it as a bonding opportunity for you two, tell her you want to find a way for you both to train together or at least be in the gym at the same time as each other.

I see what your saying and I'm sorry to hear that, it sounds rough... I mean it wasn't something we always did together necessarily but when we first started dating it was something that she did at least on her own, and at least didn't give me problems about it. Besides training we are pretty much together 24/7, it is just the two of us living here. I do of course wish she would at least support me a little more, and I know if she got back into working out she might be a little more easygoing when it comes to me training as well.

You have to make your S.O. Feel important. I have coffee every morning I'm off with her then go to the gym. Unfortunately she sees this as me putting the gym first and taking time for myself when she starts cleaning the house. I come home and do things around the house after, but that's her POV. Just don't let your S.O. Think you spend more time planing out your next training cycle than you do thinking about her/him.

Hey all, while I'm sure most of you have a s.o. that lifts, or is completely supportive of you lifting, living the lifestyle that goes with it, etc... but for those that don't... How do you make the best of the situation? Or find ways to get him/her more supportive or involved? I love my Fiance and she did used to come lift in the beginning with me, but as of late I know she really wishes I would either just stop altogether or take it a little less seriously.
I mean me lifting isn't new to her, I told her from the start that this was a big part of my life and nothing could replace it. Now come competition time she's great she'll sit through a whole meet all day and feed me the day after while I sit around, but I know she hates the process of me having to meal prep, wake up early to lift, go to bed early etc.

Anyone else deal with this? I really do my best to work with her, I'll train at 5:30 am so I can go straight home to be with her after work and all, and I don't need encouragement or anything to push myself... but sometimes I just wish I had that support system at home.

My wife was resistant at first; then she saw how NUTS I was when I didn't train and she basically schoo'd me to the gym. I normally get home at 6:45-6:50 in the evenings I do train and she's very happy with that. Plus during the week I train on Mon/Tues/Thurs so I come home early on Wed/Fri.

Training in the AM will drain all of your energy and you'll be less focused at work which isn't good for you or her. See when she'd like you home. Most men come home at 7:00 or later anyways, you'd just prefer to train after work and that's okay.

Training in the AM will drain all of your energy and you'll be less focused at work which isn't good for you or her. See when she'd like you home. Most men come home at 7:00 or later anyways, you'd just prefer to train after work and that's okay

See, for me on days I train in the am, I feel much better at work. I'm already wide awake and energized. But, the sacrifice is I have better workouts usually later in the day or after work than I do in the mornings.

"Who really likes or enjoys high rep leg days? If you are dreading it, that's normal. But if you don't do it because you dread it, then you are being a pussy" - Vinny G

"I think I must be overtraining"... no, you're just a pussy - Machine

"My instinct is to win; eliminate my competition, destroy my enemy, and move on without any hesitation at all" - Arnold

My wife was resistant at first; then she saw how NUTS I was when I didn't train and she basically schoo'd me to the gym. I normally get home at 6:45-6:50 in the evenings I do train and she's very happy with that. Plus during the week I train on Mon/Tues/Thurs so I come home early on Wed/Fri.
Hope this helps!

She does acknowledge the fact that I'd probably be a nut job if I didn't have the gym, so in that regard she understands. Her words are "I wish you could just be like every other regular person that just goes to the gym to work out to be healthy and feel good." Well in my mind if I went to the gym to train and be like everyone else I'd be wasting my time!! And they know deep down they like that part about us otherwise they wouldn't stick around. Who wants to be with a regular ol' guy???

Originally Posted by MRmichael.hooker

See, for me on days I train in the am, I feel much better at work. I'm already wide awake and energized. But, the sacrifice is I have better workouts usually later in the day or after work than I do in the mornings.

I do feel the same, I actually have come to prefer training early in the morning even if its not necessary it does start my day off well, and I've noticed a big difference in body comp. too for some reason.

Originally Posted by Cellardweller

I try to do it on a day she works and I'm off.

Time at the gym is an issue. Food is always an issue. She could get by only eating a bowl of soup a day but I'm the bad guy because I need "meat chunks" LOL.

Lol they love making things issues, that's the truth. She actually hasn't complained about the food part anymore as I've become incredibly efficient at prepping my meals. Plus I've gained some serious skills in the kitchen!

This one's a no brainer.....right?

Originally Posted by pfabrizi1

Hey all, while I'm sure most of you have a s.o. that lifts, or is completely supportive of you lifting, living the lifestyle that goes with it, etc... but for those that don't... How do you make the best of the situation? Or find ways to get him/her more supportive or involved? I love my Fiance and she did used to come lift in the beginning with me, but as of late I know she really wishes I would either just stop altogether or take it a little less seriously.
I mean me lifting isn't new to her, I told her from the start that this was a big part of my life and nothing could replace it. Now come competition time she's great she'll sit through a whole meet all day and feed me the day after while I sit around, but I know she hates the process of me having to meal prep, wake up early to lift, go to bed early etc.

Anyone else deal with this? I really do my best to work with her, I'll train at 5:30 am so I can go straight home to be with her after work and all, and I don't need encouragement or anything to push myself... but sometimes I just wish I had that support system at home.

Well my friend if your significant other
has issues with your training now, it most certainly isn't going to get any better. Besides anyone claiming to say they love and accept you for who you are and then turns around and attempts to stimy your efforts to pursue what makes you happy, is in a word, selfish! In all honesty I'd seriously have to question that relationship.if the roles were reversed and you expressed your displeasure or failed to support her in her endeavours you'd be considered a controlling jerk.sorry bud just my 2 cents.

Well my friend if your significant other
has issues with your training now, it most certainly isn't going to get any better. Besides anyone claiming to say they love and accept you for who you are and then turns around and attempts to stimy your efforts to pursue what makes you happy, is in a word, selfish! In all honesty I'd seriously have to question that relationship.if the roles were reversed and you expressed your displeasure or failed to support her in her endeavours you'd be considered a controlling jerk.sorry bud just my 2 cents.

I agree, and I've said all that to her in conversations. We recently have had a serious talk about this, among other things and I think its pretty much resolved. She knows this is a part of me and it will never change. I give her the benefit of the doubt being that we're in a new situation, in a new place, no friends or family around so my time and attention is pretty much all she has right now. She starts work on Monday and I think that will be a game changer as she'll have something else to occupy her mind besides how much time I spend at the gym. I do agree though, that if someone were to give an ultimatum between the gym or them, I'd seriously question their place in my life. Not necessarily bc the gym is more important, but like you said if they are trying to stop you from pursuing what makes you happy, how much do they really care about you deep down?
It's pretty reassuring though knowing that I'm not the only one who is/was going through the same thing in one way or another

My wife is very supportive of the lifting, work is the culprit there. Where I have a problem is with the meal plan. I have asked her 100 times to support me when I go on a cut and she says she will and then will bring me Hershey or Milky way bars from work, she'll buy all kinds of trigger foods, italian lemon cookies, greek pastries, homemade chocolate chip cookies, ice cream you name it, it's in the house.. If I throw the junk out she gets mad. It's really strange because she loves how I look now and lets me know all the time, there's some kind of disconnect there.

Fortunately she travels often enough so I've made her travel time as my cut time and the first thing I do is throw out all the trigger foods, and then go to the grocery store and buy fresh fruit, berries mostly and a case of fat free greek yogurt for my healthy snacks, vegetables, lean meats and I can make excellent headway during that time.

We've just come to terms on the junk and travel and we have come to an understanding for her to plan to run out of her junk food just before she travels because I'm throwing it out when she goes.

I think one could agree that I should be more disciplined and should not fall prey to those temptations. But I honestly don't understand why that schit is ever in the house. Because all I know is when it's not in the house, I don't eat it.

I agree, and I've said all that to her in conversations. We recently have had a serious talk about this, among other things and I think its pretty much resolved. She knows this is a part of me and it will never change. I give her the benefit of the doubt being that we're in a new situation, in a new place, no friends or family around so my time and attention is pretty much all she has right now. She starts work on Monday and I think that will be a game changer as she'll have something else to occupy her mind besides how much time I spend at the gym. I do agree though, that if someone were to give an ultimatum between the gym or them, I'd seriously question their place in my life. Not necessarily bc the gym is more important, but like you said if they are trying to stop you from pursuing what makes you happy, how much do they really care about you deep down?
It's pretty reassuring though knowing that I'm not the only one who is/was going through the same thing in one way or another

Being away from anyone else she knows is probably playing into it a lot into it. If there's no one else around to talk to, hang out with, etc she's gonna be all clingy for a bit. Like you said, getting to work will not only give her something else to do, but also forge some relationships that allow her to give you a little more space.

My wife is very supportive of the lifting, work is the culprit there. Where I have a problem is with the meal plan. I have asked her 100 times to support me when I go on a cut and she says she will and then will bring me Hershey or Milky way bars from work, she'll buy all kinds of trigger foods, italian lemon cookies, greek pastries, homemade chocolate chip cookies, ice cream you name it, it's in the house.. If I throw the junk out she gets mad. It's really strange because she loves how I look now and lets me know all the time, there's some kind of disconnect there.

Fortunately she travels often enough so I've made her travel time as my cut time and the first thing I do is throw out all the trigger foods, and then go to the grocery store and buy fresh fruit, berries mostly and a case of fat free greek yogurt for my healthy snacks, vegetables, lean meats and I can make excellent headway during that time.

We've just come to terms on the junk and travel and we have come to an understanding for her to plan to run out of her junk food just before she travels because I'm throwing it out when she goes.

I think one could agree that I should be more disciplined and should not fall prey to those temptations. But I honestly don't understand why that schit is ever in the house. Because all I know is when it's not in the house, I don't eat it.

But I have an amazing relationship with her and it's a small thing.

My wife is kind of similar. We won't get shit to keep in the house, so that way if we get hungry there's only health food there. BUT, if I'm like "Man, pizza would be good" or "we should go get Tequilla's" (this really good Mexican place by the house) she'll keep talking about it until we get it. Or like "hey, want me to go get Bojangles? I'm right here" and keep talking it up before driving away or getting it...

"Who really likes or enjoys high rep leg days? If you are dreading it, that's normal. But if you don't do it because you dread it, then you are being a pussy" - Vinny G

"I think I must be overtraining"... no, you're just a pussy - Machine

"My instinct is to win; eliminate my competition, destroy my enemy, and move on without any hesitation at all" - Arnold

She does acknowledge the fact that I'd probably be a nut job if I didn't have the gym, so in that regard she understands. Her words are "I wish you could just be like every other regular person that just goes to the gym to work out to be healthy and feel good." Well in my mind if I went to the gym to train and be like everyone else I'd be wasting my time!! And they know deep down they like that part about us otherwise they wouldn't stick around. Who wants to be with a regular ol' guy???

LOL!!!!!!! Oh my goodness that sounds SO familiar =)

Keep chipping away at her and she will learn to accept it and even begin supporting you. Trust me, it will take time but she will change her tune.

Well my friend if your significant other
has issues with your training now, it most certainly isn't going to get any better. Besides anyone claiming to say they love and accept you for who you are and then turns around and attempts to stimy your efforts to pursue what makes you happy, is in a word, selfish! In all honesty I'd seriously have to question that relationship.if the roles were reversed and you expressed your displeasure or failed to support her in her endeavours you'd be considered a controlling jerk.sorry bud just my 2 cents.

Hey all, while I'm sure most of you have a s.o. that lifts, or is completely supportive of you lifting, living the lifestyle that goes with it, etc... but for those that don't... How do you make the best of the situation? Or find ways to get him/her more supportive or involved? I love my Fiance and she did used to come lift in the beginning with me, but as of late I know she really wishes I would either just stop altogether or take it a little less seriously.
I mean me lifting isn't new to her, I told her from the start that this was a big part of my life and nothing could replace it. Now come competition time she's great she'll sit through a whole meet all day and feed me the day after while I sit around, but I know she hates the process of me having to meal prep, wake up early to lift, go to bed early etc.

Anyone else deal with this? I really do my best to work with her, I'll train at 5:30 am so I can go straight home to be with her after work and all, and I don't need encouragement or anything to push myself... but sometimes I just wish I had that support system at home.

In my opinion your interest is your interest. You should not need support but sure as hell should not get negativity about it unless it is making your broke. I would NOT be ok with someone trying to tell me to chill out on something I love. NO bueno! I mean if my girl liked riding horses and I would NOT be about that. I would let her do her thing but I would hope she would not want me going riding with her all the time. Not going to happen. Maybe once in a long while. Good luck with that bud. I would set some ground rules. IN no way shape or form are you giving it up. You will eventually have resentments towards her is you do.

Well my friend if your significant other
has issues with your training now, it most certainly isn't going to get any better. Besides anyone claiming to say they love and accept you for who you are and then turns around and attempts to stimy your efforts to pursue what makes you happy, is in a word, selfish! In all honesty I'd seriously have to question that relationship.if the roles were reversed and you expressed your displeasure or failed to support her in her endeavours you'd be considered a controlling jerk.sorry bud just my 2 cents.

That is dead on! 100%! I was once married to someone like that. Hated bodybuilding. WE ARE NOT together now!

That is dead on! 100%! I was once married to someone like that. Hated bodybuilding. WE ARE NOT together now!

My 1st marriage was the "opposites attract" thing that people always talk about. Key word, '1st marriage' lol. I have since re-married to my best friend since 8th grade. She and I don't agree on/like EVERYTHING the same, but we have a lot more of the same interests. Made my life drastically better.

"Who really likes or enjoys high rep leg days? If you are dreading it, that's normal. But if you don't do it because you dread it, then you are being a pussy" - Vinny G

"I think I must be overtraining"... no, you're just a pussy - Machine

"My instinct is to win; eliminate my competition, destroy my enemy, and move on without any hesitation at all" - Arnold