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South Park Season 2 Episode 3: "Chickenlover" Quotes

Officer Barbrady: Yes, at first I was happy to be learning how to read. It seemed exciting and magical, but then I read this: Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. I read every last word of this garbage, and because of this piece of s**t, I am never reading again.

Father Maxi: Who would have sex with a chicken?Halfy: I would.Mr. Garrison: Aw you couldn't screw anything Halfy, you don't have any legs.Father Maxi: Have some respect for people's feelings, would you Halfy?

Bookmobile Driver: How did you know I would strike here?Officer Barbrady: By reading Teetle the Timid Taxidermist.Bookmobile Driver: You did?! Really?! Then it worked! My whole plan worked absolutely perfectly!Stan: What are you talking about, dude?Bookmobile Driver: When I heard that Officer Barbrady couldn't read, I knew I had to motivate him somehow. So I formulated a plan to encourage him to learn the magic of reading!Kyle: So you f**ked a bunch of chickens?

Reporter: Has chicken f(bleep)er left any clues at the crimeOfficer Barbrady: All right, I admit it! I can't read! Are you happy now? You pushed and you pushed, and now you know my deep dark secret; I'm illegitimate!