Frank commentary from an unretired call girl

Q & A (January 2012)

Art Fleming gave the answers,
But I couldn’t get the questions right. – “Weird Al” Yankovic, “I Lost On Jeopardy”

Oddly enough, I received these two questions within minutes of one another; I felt both of them might be of interest to many readers.

I am currently in a relationship with a woman I care for very much, but sexual intercourse is painful for her. She has no problem getting naturally lubricated and aroused, but upon initial entry she experiences pain which soon reduces to discomfort but never completely stops. She is always encouraging me to finish fast, which can be a problem as I tend to take a long time (30-45 minutes) due to being less sensitive from circumcision. I’ve tried lubricant, oral sex, cowgirl position to allow her control (but she prefers doggy style), long massages to relax her, etc but nothing works. I cannot discuss this with her because she’s a bit shy about it (we live in an Asian country). Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

It sounds to me as though your lady has a physical problem of some sort. Human sexual anatomy, especially female anatomy, is complex and there are any number of minor issues which might not be noticeable to her outside of intercourse. What she needs is to take the problem to her gynecologist; I understand this may be difficult for you to bring up to her and equally difficult for her to admit to the doctor, but if she becomes aroused and has no psychological aversion to sex, it’s almost certainly something physical and a doctor may be able to help her clear it up. Some young women never visit a gynecologist until they become pregnant; if your girlfriend is among them, she might seek a referral from her mother or an older sister or friend rather than just picking one blindly (assuming one is allowed to choose one’s own physician in your country).

Even after her problem is overcome, though, I need to tell you that 30-45 minutes of intercourse is excessive for most women. Men hear or read that women like sex to last a long time and think that means we want to be pounded for hours; with rare exception, that simply isn’t true. For women, “sex” means the whole experience, not just intercourse; when we say we want it to last a long time we mean a long time from going into the bedroom to leaving it again, NOT a long time between penis entering vagina and being withdrawn again. For most women, five to ten minutes of actual rooting is plenty, and the longest preference any woman has ever expressed within my hearing was about twenty minutes. Even experienced ladies like me tend to start getting raw after that, and exceeding a woman’s comfort threshold can become very painful very quickly; the body just wasn’t designed to take more than about 20 minutes of intercourse because it’s already 2-5x longer than most men need.

Your difficulty in climaxing in a timely fashion has nothing to do with your being circumcised; 95% of the men I’ve been with were circumcised and had no such problem. It could be some physical abnormality, but in my experience most such issues in men are psychological rather than physical. Men often worry so much about finishing “too fast” that they go exactly the opposite way, which causes just as many (if not more) problems than premature ejaculation. So while your lady is checking with her doctor, you also need to work on focusing your attention during intercourse on what you’re doing rather than anything else, and recognizing that she sincerely means it when she tells you it’s better for her if you finish quickly.

A few nights ago I was taking a long walk through a poor neighborhood when a homeless young woman (early 20s) asked me for spare change. I very often give $5-$10 to homeless people, but I had no cash and so couldn’t help her. Walking away, I wondered if she would sell sex (I could have gone to an ATM). The most I could have offered her would have been about $50 US. It’s a fantasy of mine to hire a real escort, but if this young woman had agreed I would have felt shabby, and worse, exploitative. This puzzles me because in principle it’s the same as any other sex work, which I have never thought of as being demeaning to the worker or a matter of shame for the john. Perhaps you can untangle this for me.

It’s difficult for even the most freethinking individual to escape influence from the culture in which he is embedded. You hear all the time nowadays that for a man to hire a woman for sex is “exploitation”, and even if you don’t believe that consciously it’s hard to shake completely. Add to that your natural generosity (which might unconsciously rebel at the thought of attaching “strings” to your charity) and the fact that since she didn’t suggest sex first, you might feel like a cad for “tempting” her into doing something “wrong” (cultural influence again) with the lure of money.

From a practical standpoint, it’s probably a bad idea for a man to be the one who suggests a commercial sex transaction to a woman he isn’t absolutely sure is a professional; you don’t want to insult her, and if she’s never done it before and ends up hating herself for it, it’s much better for all involved if it was her idea rather than someone else’s.

One Year Ago Today

“A Manufactured War” demonstrates that CNN’s participation in the promotion of “sex trafficking” hysteria is only the latest example of the tradition of “yellow journalism” started in the last few decades of the 19th century by people like William Randolph Hearst.

14 Responses

Your difficulty in climaxing in a timely fashion has nothing to do with your being circumcised; 95% of the men I’ve been with were circumcised and had no such problem.

That’s exactly right – uncircumcised men tell me occasionally they feel all these “wonderful” things that I don’t feel. I wonder – just exactly how do they know HOW I feel? If I had any more sensation down there I’d literally be a “minute man”.

As far as finishing – I think most men “think” they go for 30-45 minutes because it just seems that long. When I was young and dumb – I was a clock watcher and wouldn’t “go” until I hit the 15 minute point because I thought the girl would think I was a noob if I finished any quicker. It was sometimes excruciating for me to last even that long.

Usually, with most girls – you can tell when they’ve hit their limit. Even though they try not to … they’ll send a signal when they’ve had enough. That’s pretty much the “que” to finish up and get to the AST. It might be a “sigh” … or it might be a certain “fatigued look” in their eyes when you shift to the umpteenth position of the session …

I know when my wife’s done because she’ll start biting the shit out of me because she knows that will fire my rocket but quick!

If just the sight and feel of the girl doesn’t trip the trigger – then fantasy works for me. I’ll imagine another girl is there watching – or we’re making a porno and a lot of people are watching. Or I’ll imagine I’m “Conan” and I have three other girls outside the door to get to once I’m done with this one. I’m not even going to get into some of the more “pervo” ones. Stupid male fantasy … and yeah – it’s weird, I know – but it works.

Honestly – like I said, with “amateurs” … many times I’d hold out as long as I could – “15 minute rule” usually. I was afraid they would they would think I didn’t know what I was doing (and usually I didn’t know what I was doing).

But I can’t see that with a working girl because you aren’t trying to impress her. In fact – I would “think” (I may be wrong) … but I think that a man who does his business quicker is probably considered a better customer.

I also never really understood the anxiety that young men have about PE (and PE to me was like – anything less than 30 seconds in the “Landing Zone” or … worse, on the “approach” to it! :P)

I think most YOUNG men can make another landing very quickly after that happens. Like – almost immediately after a quick clean up. I’ve never heard women’s thoughts on this though. I just always said … “Babe, that HAD to happen because you are just too damned hot for me!”

If just the sight and feel of the girl doesn’t trip the trigger – then fantasy works for me. I’ll imagine another girl is there watching – or we’re making a porno and a lot of people are watching. Or I’ll imagine I’m “Conan” and I have three other girls outside the door to get to once I’m done with this one. I’m not even going to get into some of the more “pervo” ones. Stupid male fantasy … and yeah – it’s weird, I know – but it works.

Exactly. Many seem to have this idea that a man will always climax after a certain amount of stimulation, but the mental side is important as well.
Men can do as you say, and use their imagination to bring orgasm closer, or to delay, some might slow down a bit, or breathe slightly differently, or think about something really disgusting or unsexy.

To delay – I think about rebuilding the starter clutch in my ’84 Honda motorcycle. I have to rebuild it about every 20K miles and it’s a very tedious procedure with a specific number of steps which I memorized so that I don’t leave anything loose in the crankcase when I close it up – otherwise the engine is toast.

So I just go through all those steps in my head and that seems to do the trick.

Fantasies can sure get weird, on both sides of the gender line. For instance, Maggie has talked about a woman not being able to tell, without looking, if a man is wearing a condom or not (one reason harlots like to leave the lights on). But then a woman or two has assured me that she can indeed tell. Now, either the women who say they can tell are fooling themselves, or some can and some can’t.

Well, there’s only one way to know for sure, so I get this research grant… 😉

lol. TMI Time! I’ll add my experience; I can tell whether or not my partner is wearing a condom, but it helps that I’ve experienced both sensations in short order. We would often start without a rubber, & he would “suit up” when he got close so as to avoid the mess. The contrast between naked skin & latex was definitely noticeable to me; however, I’d wager that women who have less developed or sensitive G-spots would be less likely to notice the difference.

For the study to be statistically valid, I’d have to test a LOT of women. 250 would be enough for a first study. But I couldn’t get the funds to bring in so many men, so, well… Hell, I’ll do it myself! Line up, girls; this is going to take a while…
The things I do for science.

I’d like to say Maggie’s comments are correct to the last question. The big problem here is that too many men pedestalize women when they shouldn’t. Would you feel bad if you asked her to wash your car for the money? You probably wouldn’t. Maggie is correct that in practical terms it is not wise to proposition a woman for you recieving sex in exhange for her taking your money unless she is a professional prostitute. Sex work is a deeply personal and emotional issue for most sex workers just like military, police and religious clergy work is a deeply personal and emotional issue for these workers. Most women(and men) should never attempt to be prostitutes because they do not have what is necessary either psychologically, intellectually or physically to be able to do this line of work just like most men(and women) should not try to be military personell, members of the police or members of the clergy. Many if not most sex workers, military personnell, police personell, and clergy people may love their line of work, but none of these are for most people. Even the science fiction author likened prostitution(sex work) to the military, and as a U.S. Army war veteran, I agree with his idea.

I think that is a very good response to the question about the homeless woman. On the one hand you don’t wanna just assume every homeless women is looking to trade sex for money but if they are, what is there to feel personally guilty about. I lived in a neighborhood like that, hell some of those women wouldn’t take no for an answer, I’ve literally been sexually harassed. I partook a few times. There was this one woman who would always ask for money on the block and I gave her some a few times and she kept asking me so one day I asked “what’s in it for me”. She could have taken that as a joke or a rejection or a lot of different ways but instead she said “I’ll suck your dick” without the slightest hesitation, it wasn’t super great, she like stopped after a couple minutes and then she said “I don’t have to watch this” and just got up and left me standing there masturbating. There was this older woman who I would talk to late at night at the bus stop, she was really friendly and I would give her a little money sometimes and one day she said she wanted to “take care of me”, and that meant taking me to her special hiding spot and blowing me, in exchange for like 40 bucks. We sort of took care of each other, I’d watch out for her get her food and stuff, for a while I told myself I was done with that part I was just gonna watch out for her. We’re sitting on this bench and she’s just like you want me to take care of you huh, I blush a little and she glances down at the growing bulge in my pants and it was off to the hiding place and her warm sweet mouth. She was not “attractive” looking at all yet she had a glow to her. Sometimes we would just hang out and the service would never happen, and that was ok. Eventually she went off to some rehab center, she blew me for the greyhound fare the night before she left. I don’t really have a way of keeping in touch with her, don’t really need to but I hope she’s doing well. I messed around with this kind of street action a few more times and just got ripped off, it happens.

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