Day 179 of 365

I met and fell for a guy on social media who was obviously a bad guy. He was always complaining about girls disappearing and ignoring his messages, and complaining about girls not being up to his standards. I was attracted to him because he was older and mysterious so I ignored these warning signs and went ahead with the relationship.

We didn’t date or anything, it was purely sexual, but it was obvious from the beginning he was hell bent on being an alpha male. First I had to change the way I dressed because I didn’t show enough skin, then I had to go to the gym more constantly. He was aware I had lost 40 pounds over the summer and my body confidence wasn’t there and I had struggled with an eating disorder.

However it didn’t stop him from saying skipping meals worked for me and I should do it more often. Then I had to change my lifestyle I had to go out more I had to do things he liked more and more. I had to start using a tanning bed because he liked tan girls I had to dye my hair because he liked blonde girls. I wasn’t his girlfriend but I was his property I couldn’t talk to other guys I couldn’t be with other people, even though he was having sexual relationships with multiple other girls. It escalated to the point where I was faking my way through sex because he wanted more and more and rougher sex I was not okay with. Then one day he decided to exploit the fact I’m bisexual and told me to get a friend drunk and hook up with her. Get her drunk, aka sexually assault her because she would not be down for that. It’s been a few months since I got out of the relationship and I’m still dealing with the emotional scars, eating is hard, sleeping is hard.

I feel like because he doesn’t want me no one will. Never let a man or women tell you that you aren’t enough, you are light and you cannot be put out.