A policeman arrives at the scene of an accident,
in which a car smashed into a tree. The officer rushes
over to the vehicle and asks the driver, "Are you
seriously hurt?"

"How do I know?" the driver
responds. "Im not a lawyer!"

A guy named Pete gets a job as a
switchman with the railroad, and undergoes weeks of
training. The supervisor then takes him into the switch
booth to test his readiness. The following exchange takes
place:

Supervisor: "Imagine you were
sitting here alone and you learned there was a train
coming from the North on that track, and another coming
from the South on the same track. What would you
do?"

Pete: "Id throw this switch
right here and put one train on the other track."

Supervisor: And what if that switch
didnt work?"

Pete: "Id go down to the
track and throw that big switch lever there, putting one
train on the other track."

Supervisor: "And what if that
switch lever didnt work?"

Pete: "Then Id come back
here and call the dispatcher to stop both trains."

Supervisor: "And what if the phone
didnt work?"

Pete: "Then Id go to that
gas station across the street and use their phone."

Supervisor: "And what if their
phone didnt work?"

Pete: "Then Id go get Uncle
Joe."

Supervisor: "Uncle Joe??? What
would he do?"

Pete: "Nothing, but he aint
never seen a train wreck."

Why does a slight tax increase cost you
$800.00, and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

1910

INTERESTING MELANGE. A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.

A Roney Boy His
Nephew.

James Crippen of Chicago, one of the
"Roneys boys," walking into B. B.
Allens shoe store last night and announced that he
was Mr. Allens nephew. They talked the matter over
and Mr. Allen was surprised to learn that the boy was, in
a measure, right. He is a son of a brother of Mr.
Allens brother-in-law, Ed Crippen. Master Crippen
took supper with Mr. Allens family last evening.

Re-Arrested in
the Court House.

Joe McMannis, a one-eyed man from
Joplin, charged with two assaults, was released from jail
this morning after serving a sentence for the latter
offense. The clerk detained him in the court house after
he was released until Constable Paulding was telephoned
and arrived. The man was then re-arrested for the first
offense by the constable before he left the court house.

There have been three file for
City Council candidacy since the December 14
opening of the filing season. So far no
candidates have filed for Ward One, Two or Three.

There is a race developing in
Ward Four. Incumbent Bill Welch has filed and Dan
Rife, who is currently a Council member from Ward
Five, has also filed for Ward Four. Rife is
relocating and will live in Ward Four when the
election takes place in April.

Adam David Givens has filed for
the Ward Five position. According to City Hall,
Givens just turned twenty-one to become qualified
for the seat.

To qualify as a Council member
according to the City Charter: "No person
shall be Councilman unless he is at least
twenty-one years of age prior to taking office, a
citizen of the United States, and an inhabitant
of the city for one year next preceding his
election. A Councilman shall be a qualified voter
of the city."

DEAR DR. DONOHUE: My doctor
prescribed statin drugs to control my LDL
cholesterol. First I took lovastatin (Mevacor)
and then simvastatin (Zocor), but I had muscle
pain and weakness with them. I am reluctant to
start the pravastatin (Pravachol) that he now has
prescribed. Are there alternatives? How about
Endur-acin? CoQ10 has been suggested. -- D.L.

ANSWER: Statins are the most
potent cholesterol-lowering drugs, including
lowering LDL cholesterol -- bad cholesterol, the
kind that clings to artery walls. Theyve
been around for 20 years, and their safety record
has been good. Some people develop muscle pain.
Those people can try a different statin. You did.
However, you might be reacting a bit too fast in
rejecting pravastatin (Pravachol). It is the
statin that most infrequently is involved with
muscle complaints.

I dont know any herb on
the list of herbs you included (in an edited part
of the letter) that compare with medicines for
cholesterol control. However, there are things
you can do to lower cholesterol, including
reducing your saturated fat and cholesterol
intake. Saturated fats are the fats found in many
meats, whole-fat dairy products and many other
commercially prepared foods. You have to look on
the label. Omega-3 fatty acids lower cholesterol.
Theyre found in fish. If you cannot stand
fish, take the omega-3s in pill form.

Questran, Colestid, Welchol and
Zetia are cholesterol-lowering drugs that are
unrelated to statins.

Niacin can increase HDL
cholesterol (good cholesterol) and lower
triglycerides, fats that also figure into artery
clogging. Endur-acin is a slow-release
preparation of niacin. Slow-release preparations
were introduced to lessen flushing, one of the
side effects of niacin.

Coenzyme Q10, or CoQ10, is an
antioxidant made by the body and also is
available in pill form. Antioxidants counter the
damaging byproducts coming from cell chemistry. I
dont see any references mentioning that it
lowers cholesterol.