Like One Tree Hill, Gossip Girl hasn’t given us any Valentine’s Day episodes. In both seasons 1 and 2, the show was on hiatus during the holiday and that’s true for this season as well. There’s always next year, right?

90210

1. Episode 1.16, Of Heartbreaks And Hotels

Truth be told, I forgot there was a Valentine’s Day episode until some commenters on this very site reminded me a few months ago. (Thanks, guys!) While it’s heartbreaks for Annie when Ethan chooses to spend time with Rhonda (yawn), it’s hotels for Silver and Dixon, who consummate their relationship not just with sex but also a tattoo. Adrianna and Navid do the “I swear I don’t have feelings for you but actually I really do” dance as Navid struggles to accept that recovering addict Ade is pregnant with some dude’s baby. But he comes around, pulling out the “you’re a mess but will you be my Valentine?” card. And, of course, this is the first time we meet Liam, with the first of many sexually-charged conversations between him and Naomi.

Teen dramas and Valentine’s Day. I thought this series would be a no-brainer! But as you’ve seen over the last few days, two shows didn’t even have V-Day episodes, others had slim pickings and just one–Beverly Hills 90210–rocked it out (seriously, I didn’t even include all of their eps!).

Problem: One Tree Hill doesn’t abide by the real-world calendar. When it’s February for us, it’s not February for them. As such, they’ve never had a Valentine’s Day episode or even a strictly love-focused episode around that time of year.

If you’re wondering what episodes, then, SoapNet plans on showing during their Beverly Hills 90210/One Tree Hill Valentine’s Day marathon on Sunday, it’ll be the last two episodes of season 3 (3.21, Over The Hills and Far Away and 3.22, The Show Must Go On). The first focuses around Naley’s “rehearsal dinner” and the latter is their wedding. Sure, there’s some great romance in each–and I do love those episodes–but there’s great romance in plenty of episodes. That doesn’t mean they qualify for a Valentine’s Day marathon. So you have to wonder (or at least I do) what a show with no Valentine’s Day mentions is doing in a V-Day marathon! It’s awfully strange, considering they could’ve gone with The O.C., since it has 3 4 V-Day episodes to choose from (though not all of them are high-quality, as I discussed yesterday).

I remember watching this episode when it originally aired (which actually was few days after V-Day) and being so POed and disappointed that Ryan wasn’t just ready and willing to get back with Marissa after the Oliver debacle. I remember my mom explaining to my 16-and-a-half-year-old self that Ryan’s trust and faith had been betrayed and that’s not an easy thing to get over. But lucky for me I’m a sucker for episodes where someone is broken-hearted. And lucky for us we get some comic relief when Seth and Summer’s romance finally comes to climax (no pun intended, I swear!). At the end, he sweeps her off her feet and it feels like we’re swept off ours, too.

Unlike the Chrismukkah episodes, where all four eps are must-mentions, I can’t say the same for the show’s take on Valentine’s Day. The V-Day episodes in seasons 2 and 3 are mediocre and the holiday doesn’t even get a mention in season 4. (See correction in comments.)

And thus we move on tomorrow to One Tree Hill, where it gets even more disappointing…

This episode was the 14th of the season but actually aired in early February–and it’s the only one with a V-Day theme in the series. There’s two semi-serious, semi-humorous subplots and then there’s a surprisingly emotional one. First we have Henry wanting to give Jen a perfect (read: expensive) Valentine’s Day, so much so that he repeatedly donates his blood (plasma?) for money to the point where he passes out, so he and Jen end up spending quality time in the hospital. Then we have “Jackers” worrying about how to tell his visiting ex-girlfriend that he’s come out of the closet, especially after she reveals her last boyfriend just broke up with her because he’s gay. Alex Breckenridge, who plays Kate the ex, is annoyingly fun or maybe funnily annoying. (Fun Fact: she appeared on last week’s episode of Life Unexpected, which also stars Kerr Smith). Lastly, there’s Pacey, who spends most of the day being mean to Joey despite his growing romantic feelings for her. When a party they attend is broken up by the cops, the group is thrown in jail and everyone is bailed out but Pacey. While there, he confides in his cop brother about his feelings, an exchange that never fails to make my heart melt and leads to a cute but anti-climactic conversation with Joey the next day.

Like I did with the Favorite Holiday Episodes series, during the next few days I will highlight some of my favorite Valentine’s Day storylines from each of the teen dramas show-by-show. Warning: it’ll be a bumpy ride!

TODAY: Beverly Hills 90210

1. Episode 2.22, Baby Makes Five

Despite airing an episode in season 1 on Valentine’s Day itself and an episode earlier in season 2 with the name My Desperate Valentine, this is the first actual V-Day focused episode. I like this ep for both its subtle seriousness and its significance. Brenda is eagerly awaiting Valentine’s Day with Dylan (technically their second together, but as I said, we didn’t get a storyline for it in season 1) and turns out Dylan has something a bit unconventional planned: getting blood drawn. As he explains, they’re actually donating their blood in recognition of the person who donated blood for him when he was seriously injured years ago on the 14th. Today the importance of donating blood is brought up time and again by the media but here and then the message was just as important but they don’t hit you over the head with it. Meanwhile, Kelly’s mom Jackie is stressed when she finds out she’s pregnant when she and Mel have only been dating for a few months. Kelly confides in Donna who in turn tells David and soon enough Mel finds out. Mel realizes he loves Jackie and wants not only have the baby but also marry her. And thus, all these years later, we have Silver on 90210.

2. Episode 5.20, You Gotta Have Heart

This episode aired a week before Valentine’s Day but revolved around a telethon at the After Dark for children with heart issues. While most of the Kelly-in-a-cult storyline is just bad, the impact it has on her relationship with Brandon comes to a head in this ep. And when Kelly is MIA for the telethon, Brandon is forced to make out with Donna for one of the segments, which is the only time we get to see these two go at it and, boy, do they go at it! Speaking of going at it, while Donna is somewhat innocently making out with Brandon, boyfriend Ray is being seduced by Valerie.

3. Episode 6.22, Bleeding Hearts

And while most of the Kelly-on-drugs storyline is just bad as well, the impact it has on her friendship with Brandon comes to a head in this ep. His Valentine’s Day plans with Susan are ruined when a drugged-out Kelly calls him for help. With his assistance she gets into a rehab program but when she confesses she’s still in love with him, Brandon doesn’t return the sentiment. David writes Valerie the most moving poem for Valentine’s Day–seriously, I get chills when I hear or read it–but under pressure from Ginger and her blackmail scheme, Valerie encourages him to sleep with Ginger. David is incredibly shocked and hurt that Val would ask him to do such a thing and breaks up with her. (I, unfortunately, couldn’t find YouTube clips of either the poem scene or the break-up scene.) This episode aired on Valentine’s Day in 1996.

4. Episode 7.19, My Funny Valentine

I like this episode for the storylines it sets up and for one that reaches its climax. The latter refers to one of the few heartfelt scenes Kelly and Valerie ever shared, as Val pleads with Kel to break up with her high school sweetheart. Cliff returns to town and finds Donna is now with David, leading to a short but sweet love triangle that continues into the next episode and results in one of my favorite D-D kisses. The ep ends with Brandon and Tracy’s V-Day happiness cut short when she finds an engagement ring and assumes it’s for her–except it’s the ring Brandon had for Kelly a few years back and couldn’t bring himself to return after she rejected him. This leads into a moving Brandon-Kelly storyline, one of my favorites, in the next episode and beyond. Oh, and Luther Vandross performs, which is perfect V-Day music.

5. Episode 8. 20, Cupid’s Arrow

So now it’s a year later and Brandon and Kelly have gotten back together…and broken up again. This episodes sees them reconciling once again and, well, I’m a sucker for it! Donna and David are no longer together but they end up spending most of V-Day with each other, pissing off their significant others, Noah and Valerie. Unbeknown to either of them, Noah’s brother roofies Val’s drink and she & drunk Noah end up sleeping together, setting up a storyline for the subsequent episodes. The ep also features a cameo from Ian Ziering’s then-wife. Unfortunately, again, I can’t find a clip worth using as the critical, climatic parts (with B/K and Donna/Noah/Val/David) are at the end of the episode and YouTube has all but that.