All things freshwater: news, analysis, humor, reviews, and commentary from Michael E. 'Aquadoc' Campana, hydrogeologist, hydrophilanthropist, Professor of Hydrogeology and Water Resources Management in the Geography Program of the College of Earth, Ocean, and Atmospheric Sciences (CEOAS) at Oregon State University, Emeritus Professor of Hydrogeology at the University of New Mexico, Past President of the American Water Resources Association (AWRA) and Past Chair of the Scientists & Engineers Division of the National Ground Water Association (NGWA). He is President of the nonprofit NGWA Foundation and the nonprofit Ann Campana Judge Foundation, an organization involved with WaSH (Water, Sanitation, and Hygiene) in Central America. He serves on the Steering Committee of the Global Water Partnership (GWP). CYA statement: with the exception of guest posts, the opinions expressed herein are solely those of Michael E. Campana and not those of CEOAS, Oregon State University, ACJF, AWRA, NGWA, GWP, my spouse Mary Frances, or any other person or organization.

Texas Agriculture Law BlogDon't let the name fool you - there are lots of water issues in agriculture and Tiffany Dowell of Texas A&M University does a fabulous job with this important Internet resource. Give it a read - I do every day!

The Way of WaterOregon State University Geography PhD Student, Jennifer Veilleux, records her fieldwork, research, and thoughts about transboundary water resources development in the Nile River and Mekong River basins. Particular attention is given to Ethiopia's Grand Ethiopian Renaissance Dam and Laos' Xayaburi Dam projects.

Thirsty in SuburbiaGayle Leonard documents things from the world of water that make us smile: particularly funny, amusing and weird items on bottled water, water towers, water marketing, recycling, the art-water nexus and working.

This Day in Water HistoryMichael J. 'Mike' McGuire, engineer extraordinaire, NAE member, and author of 'The Chlorine Revolution', blogs about historical happenings in the fields of drinking water and wastewater keyed to calendar dates.

Watershed Moments: Thoughts from the HydrosphereFrom Sarah Boon - rediscovering her writing and editing roots after 13 years, primarily as an environmental scientist. Her writing centres around creative non-fiction, specifically memoir and nature writing. The landscapes of western Canada are her main inspiration.

Funny Stuff

Wednesday, 01 April 2015

BILLY BOB COUNTY, TX (UPI). In a lavish 1 April 2015 press conference at his Billy Bob County ranch, Texas corporate raider-turned water entrepreneur-humanitarian T. Bone Lickens (shown here drying wet money, his favorite pastime) announced the biggest deal of his storied career: he and partners Bush Family Development (BFD) and Mexican billionaire Carlos Gordo have succeeded in gaining control of the freshwater resources of South America's Guaraní aquifer, which underlies parts of Brazil, Argentina, Uruguay, and Paraguay (see blue area on map).

The aquifer system represents the greatest stock of liquid freshwater in the world. According to a recent World Bank report, Draining the Guaraní Aquifer: Saving the World's Sorry-Ass Parched Butt, there is 'more damned water there than you can shake a stick at.' That's a direct quote from economist Hugh Jeego.

Lickens' spokesperson Phil Dert announced that the consortium, known as GASP (Guaraní Aquifer Security Project), would protect the aquifer from 'water profiteers' who would 'seek to enrich themselves while destroying the world's greatest freshwater resource.' Dert also noted that Nestlé Waters, Suez Environnement, and Veolia Water were 'minor partners' in GASP.

When asked who died and made him water king and protector of the aquifer, Lickens replied, "No one, son, it's because I've got the cojones and the dinero."

Dert also said that former Vice President Dick Cheney will be Chair of GASP's Water Board and have overall responsibility for the project along with prime contractor Halliburton. Operations Director is former USACE engineer Alberto 'Al' Muerzo, who was responsible for the Corps' Colorado River Access Project (CRAP). He will be assisted by Dr. Desmond 'Des' Ayuno. Matt Pulroy, formerly of the Southern Nevada Waste Authority, will be responsible for GASP's community and public relations.

BFD's interests will be managed by Neil Bush, whose financial skills are said to rival the peacemaking and diplomatic skills of his brother, former President George W. Bush. Spokesperson Robin Banks stated: "Neil Bush is rightly credited with providing the Federal government with the experience it needed to cope with the recent financial meltdown. Neil Bush is honored to be a part of BFD and GASP."

Gordo, arguably the world's richest man, was not present but his spokeswoman, Ima Perra, told the assembled dignitaries and journalists that Mr. Gordo was proud to be part of GASP. His recently-acquired engineering firm, ABRIL-TONTO, headed by former Universidad de Taco Grande engineering dean Dr. Ricardo 'Dick' Cabeza, will have a major GASP role.

When asked if Gordo's (shown here) presence was simply to add a 'brown face' to the project, Perra became visibly agitated and barked, "WTF? Mr. Gordo is involved because he has more goddamned money than all those toothless Texas crackers combined!"

Rumors of gringos taking control of the aquifer's water have swirled about for years; now, the piñata's been smashed and the goodies have been spilled. It has been known that the Bush family has purchased huge tracts there, ostensibly to raise cattle and build gated communities for disaffected upscale (are there other kinds?) Republicans, but others have alleged more nefarious purposes, such as allowing Democrats to live in the communities.

"This is just another example of water imperialism by the private sector, eh?" alleged Anita Fixx, head of the Frostback Follies Forum, a group of disgruntled Canadians who feast on rumors, misinformation, Molson's, and back bacon. Fixx, shown here (left) with two of FFF's hosers (board members) (right), added, "It's even more despicable that the Americans are involved, eh? Since they couldn't steal our precious Canadian water they have resorted to bamboozling the poor and downtrodden of Latin America, eh? Take off!"

When asked how the water would be marketed, Lickens said that most of the water would be shipped north via a mammoth tunnel, drilled by huge boring machines currently being made in China. He noted this will be the world's largest engineering project and take years to complete. Energy will be generated by local geothermal resources and wind. Lickens chuckled, "Everyone knows that South America blows." Lickens proudly noted, "The project will put most of Latin America to work, so there will be no more illegal immigration to the USA. Furthermore, through Gordo's political connections, the Mexican drug cartels will have exclusive contracts to supply drugs to the workers." Lickens added: "They will all make plenty of money and have too much work to be fighting amongst themselves. So now the little woman and I can once again visit our favorite Mexican city, Ciudad Juárez, without packing AK-47s."

Dert added that Nestlé Waters will bottle a small amount each year, and market it under the name Guaraní Gold. The Nestlé rep, Rob N. Steele, said that, in keeping with Nestlé's humanitarian focus, it has paid the Guaraní Indians a lifetime annual royalty amounting to 5 USD per person and a case of one-liter bottles, which the Indians will be allowed to fill once per year from a designated spring. He declined to detail the roles of Veolia and Suez, although he did mention that they would have 'oversight' and 'sustainability' roles.

Journalists have noted that there has been nary a peep from Latin American leaders about this, save for Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro (shown here between two of his ministers), who commented through a spokesman: "As leader of the Bolivarian Revolution, I have far more important things to worry about, like a country that is going down the tubes and getting my bus driver's job back." Paraguayan President Heinrich Himmler, Jr., (left) was questioned about the deal upon leaving church, commented, "Grundwasser? Was ist das?"

This decidedly muted response suggests that large amounts of money may have changed hands, a charge vigorously denied by both the Lickens and Gordo camps, although a smile was noted on Ms. Perra's face.

Lickens said that the project would begin once long-delayed World Bank funds of $100B are received. Additional financial backing is by AIG, Shitibank NA, Banco de Brasil, and Goldman Suchs. No mention was made of the total amount of money involved, nor how the water was acquired. One wag noted that former Brazilian President Luiz Inácio 'Little' Lula (shown above) is driving a new Bentley and Argentinian President Cristina 'Jugs' Fernández de Kirchner (shown to the right) is sporting some new 'assets.'

Tuesday, 28 October 2014

The Reber Plan? Reber? Weren't they the cannibalistic humans in Firefly and Serenity? No, this Reber is someone else - a fellow who proposed a plan for San Francisco Bay in the 1940s that would construct two dams across San Francisco Bay to create two freshwater lakes, among other things. Although a number of individuals and organizations supported his idea, it never got off the ground. Why? Read on...

Before continuing, I have to admit that I had not heard of this scheme until I read the chapter on "Zombie Water Projects" by Peter H. Gleick, Matthew Hebeger, and Kristina Donnelly in The World's Water, Volume 8, by Peter H. Gleick et al. [Here's a related article by Peter from Circle of Blue.] I was chagrined because I pride myself on being a student of water mega-projects (give me NARA and NAWAPA any day). Perhaps the Reber Plan was not 'mega' enough. But I digress too much.

John Reber, a schoolteacher, amateur engineer, and theatrical producer, concocted the plan, also known as the San Francisco Bay Project, in the late 1940s, although he had actually conceived it in the 1930s, partly out of defense concerns.

Under the plan, which was also known as the San Francisco Bay Project, the mouth of the Sacramento River (from Suisun Bay) would be channelized by dams and would feed two freshwater lakes within the bay, providing drinking water to the residents of the bay area. The barriers would support rail and highway traffic and would create two vast freshwater lakes, supplying irrigation water to farms. Between the lakes, Reber proposed the reclamation of 20,000 acres (81 km2) of land that would be crossed by a freshwater channel. West of the channel would be airports, a naval base, and a pair of locks comparable in size to those of the Panama Canal. Industrial plants would be developed on the east.

The basins would also capture and store 2.4 MAF of freshwater each year. Looks pretty good these days, right?

Here is a brief video from KQEDthat tells the tale, including the plan's demise - it would have essentially produced two big evaportation basins.

And belwo is a digram of the plan. The red areas are filled-in areas of the bay. For a larger image go here.

As described in the video, the physical model constructed by the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers was the death knell, demonstrating that the Reber Plan would not do what it was designed to do. And that was all she wrote.

By the way, the number for the total amount of water on Earth is correct. I get 0.0019% as the percentage of total water 6 billion humans would have consumed in 6,000 years (as opposed to 0.0012%). Close enough.

Bottom line: 1.3 x 10^22 liters of water are consumed by 6 billion humans in 3 billion years. Yep - they're right - that is 9.5 times the amount of water on the entire Earth!

So what's the pronlem? Where shall I start?

I wonder if the author of this is the same person who does those calculations for the amount of 'accessible and drinkable' water on Earth?

I am going to use this in class as part of my effort to teach my students to be 'crap detectors'. Can't wait for the other lessons.

Circle of BlueCircle of Blue uses journalism, scientific research, and conversations from around the world to bring the story of the global freshwater crisis to life. Here you’ll find new water reports, news headlines, and hear from leading scientists.

Drink Water For LifeThe idea is simple. Drink water or other cheap beverages instead of expensive lattes, sodas, and bottled water for a set period of time. A day, a week, a month, Lent, Ramadan, Passover, or some other holiday period.

eFlowNet NewsletterFrom the International Union for the Conservation of Nature (IUCN) this newsletter has lots of information about environmental flows and related issues.

Sustainable Water Resources RoundtableSince 2002, the Sustainable Water Resources Roundtable (SWRR) has brought together federal, state, corporate, non-profit and academic sectors to advance our understanding of the nation’s water resources and to develop tools for their sustainable management.