Sunday, January 13, 2013

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month6'6

I wrenched my back a few days ago and have been in constant pain ever since. I suspect it was a combination of that last spill off of Ben Godfre's skateboard and my fireman's carry of the pretty boy up the stairs to tie him to the bed. I've had a ton of things to write about, but I've just felt too miserable to bother. Clearly, I'm not as young and resilient as I used to be/think I am. The pain is subsiding as I promise myself to get back to my yoga routine once I'm entirely healed, so I'm back to finally get down to business long overdue: naming the first homoerotic wrestler of the month for 2013. The winner of the title is, of course, the wrestler who appeared in a December release who turned me on more than any other. Nominees this month are relatively sparse. No new catalog from BG East. Rock Hard Wrestling posted two hot matches: Ethan Andrews putting a Bodybuilder Beatdown on luscious muscleboy Brodie Fisher, and Austin Cooper tying lovely muscle punk Josh Steel up in knots as Coop's Conquest. I'm still not tracking exactly when Thunder's Arena releases their matches (if for no one's sake but mine, I wish they put out release dates!). However, I believe Big Sexy and Angelo's match in No Holds Barred 26 was a December release, as was (I think) Bodybuilder Battle 55 with huge Johnny Bravo and mouthwatering Python as well as Mat Wars 33 with Big Sexy putting Python on gorgeous display. And if they were December releases, then surely No Holds Barred 27 with Dominic and Angelo, Bodybuilder Battle 56 with Johnny back to devour Tak, and Mat Wars 34 with ripped Braden taking on equally ripped Brad Barnes are as well. Muscle Domination Wrestling, the new kids on the block, posted Morgan Cruise (with facial hair) reworking over big farmboy Tony Law in Sweaty Stud Contortion, and a members-only match with Morgan reasserting his corporal ownership of Damien Rush's balls in Sexual Domination. Steel Muscle God and his Britboy wrestling hookup, Connor, qualified with a novelty beatdown on a frighteningly skinny kid who goes by "Slim Studman."

Top-notch wrestling that tweaks my personal kink was not well represented in the depth of this field in December. However, there were a couple matches that stood out for me as particularly eye catching, and one wrestler in particular that sold me more satisfyingly than any other this time around. Better late than never, my new reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month is...

I had to check 3 times to convince myself that this is the first HWOTM title for Big Sexy, because somehow that just doesn't seem possible. He lives up to his name in such a literal way! How he's failed to grab hold of the title with both hands before now is a mystery.

In this particularly attention grabbing case, his opponent is a guilty pleasure of mine. Python is such a mouthwatering muscle stud! Those insane biceps are nothing short of phenomenal, but I have to say it's Python's massive muscle glutes that I'm a little obsessed with. This kid desperately needs to loosen up, but if this were an award for eye candy of the month, this entire post could easily be about bicep boy. As it is, though, the title is homoerotic wrestler of the month, and in that foot race, gorgeous Big Sexy leaves his "little" opponent in the dust. But the journey is delightful to watch!

That.... ASS!

The opening camera angle is of Big Sexy, from behind, staring out the window waiting impatiently for the eye candy to arrive. This is a stroke of directing genius, my friends, because as much as I'd like to sink my fingertips into Python's luscious ass, I'd like to fall on my knees and worship the astonishingly sexy ass of Big Sexy. His glutes make me gasp every time I see them. It's a sculpted ass of pure muscle. My guess is that Big Sexy's genetics, unlike Python's, don't afford him a platinum ass by default. Without having pumped out endless squats, I would guess that Big Sexy's booty would be flat as a board. Thankfully, Big Sexy has, obviously, pumped out those endless squats, building muscle fiber by muscle fiber a powerhouse ass to make me desperate to grab him by the hips and plow that moneymaker for a decade.

Personally, I'd settle for googling all over how awesome Big Sexy is.

Python tries to smack talk way, way, way out of his league when he criticizes Big Sexy's trunks ("Am I wrestling a watermelon!?") and his body ("Big Sexy? Little!"). "I'm also six feet tall," Big Sexy snaps back. "What are you? 5'1?... You're like a midget, man!" They do some side by side comparisons of their guns, along with some appraising squeezes. Big Sexy suddenly turns to the camera and pleads, "What are you all doing to me!? I wanted someone to wrestle, not... google all over how awesome I am! Look at this! This is Big Sexy! I'm here... all day."

"You'd better not be flexing!"

About a third of a second after the wrestling starts, Big Sexy is mounted across Python's muscled back, slapping him in the back of the head humiliatingly. In classic Big Sexy fashion, for every one part physical domination, he mixes in a heaping helping of two parts verbal domination. "I wonder how much your bicep would take before I break it?" he murmurs, locking Python's veiny python outstretched vulnerably. Python huffs and puffs like a steam engine, trying to power his way to freedom, while calm, cool, collected mat veteran Big Sexy exerts absolutely no more effort than absolutely necessary to keep the muscle kid compromised.

Big Sexy is a fan pleaser, first and foremost.

With Python's face smashed into the mat and Big Sexy controlling him handily with a simple half nelson, Big Sexy slides toward the camera and smiles at his fans. "You see, guys," he says, pointing at his beautiful torso, "I work on these abs for you. It doesn't matter what he's doing over there," he dismisses the steam engine muscle punk huffing away in a vain attempt at escape. "Don't even look over there. This is it," he crunches his abs and flexes his left bicep. "This is perfection."

Big Sexy leaves his muscle punk opponent nowhere to go but down.

There's a truly gorgeous moment early on when Python launches an offensive, locking up Big Sexy's left leg and neck in a muscle-encased small package. With stunning control, Big Sexy rolls the kid over, breaks free his leg, an reverses, not only wrapping Python up in a tit-for-tat musclelocked small package, but then standing up and parading him around upside down and folded in half. Holy hell, that's both impressive and incredibly hot!

"Kiss it. Kiss it!"

As with most Thunder's matches, there's a heavy hit of screwing around, friendly bullying in this match. For example, channeling my older brother from my early childhood, Big Sexy nearly rips Python's left leg out of his pelvis in a vicious small package, and then forces Python to kiss his own knee... just because he can. "See, just do what I want!" Big Sexy explains. "Things'll go better for you."

Tragically, I can't find this perfect move in the video!

This is technically not a squash, I suppose. At least, Python has some offense and some superhuman strength to hoist his much larger opponent over his shoulders. There's a still from Thunder's Arena of a shot of the Sexy One suffering just a bit in the most appropriate hold ever placed on Big Sexy: a reverse bearhug (though I swear I can't find this hold in the match itself). A little more grinding of his crotch into that infinitely fuckable ass and this could easily morph from frat house hijinks into full on, explicitly homoerotic fare. In a sweet moment of promise for Python, he force feeds Big Sexy a deviled egg as he has the Sexy One's trapped solidly in a side headlock.

"Not so tough down there, huh, are you?"

But honestly, Python comes across little more than a gym bunny learning that eye candy is not the same as wrestling dominance. Big Sexy stretches his boy's muscled body out gorgeously, both toying with the kid and demonstrating his commitment to his fans by showing off his captured prey. At will, he rolls Python's shoulders flat on the mat. "Not so tough down there, huh, are you?" he mutters effortlessly as the muscle kid continues to huff and puff in pain.

"Decent," Big Sexy concedes.

Demonstrating his complete control of the moment, he abruptly calls off the action and explains that he needs to chat with his fans. With dialogue successful in both welcoming muscle worship and withering the ego of his opponent, Big Sexy flexes his sweat soaked body as he towers over the camera. "Go ahead, you can show what you think you have. They might want to see something like that," Big Sexy sounds doubtful as Python pumps his mountainous right bicep at the camera. "Everyone's got a market. Twinks sell pretty well, you're doing okay." Python, of course, is no twink. He has more muscle mass in one tricep than a bona fide twink has in his entire body. But then again, Big Sexy probably has more muscle mass in one quad than Python has in both his legs. Big Sexy is not easily impressed. "Decent, I'll give you that," he mutters, his praise more damning than outright contempt.

Crushing his opponent alive, Big Sexy shows off that gorgeous ass and gives his fans a wink.

He is unquestionably big and sexy. His mat wrestling is stunning, even when he's going easy on a flat footed rook. He sweats with the best of them. His trash talking is top tier. And most enjoyably of all for me, particularly in this match, Big Sexy knows, appreciates, and is out to please his fans, with more than a nod and wink, showing off his own fantasy muscle body as well as displaying his muscle punk opponent's eye candy deliciously. I'm sure it's long overdue, but then again, it's about time he shaved off that nasty ass beard, finally pulling it together for a performance that solidly convinces me that there's just no other choice to be made. Big Sexy is my reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month.

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This is a blog devoted to contemplating in excruciating detail the world of homoerotic wrestling. It's about the kinks and the quirks that turn me on and inspire my imagination. This site is not for everyone. You'll know within moments of browsing if it's for you. If it is: enjoy, leave a comment, and let your imagination come out and play.

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