Come up with terrible but realistic news titles to explain why you hate the news.

-> South Korea raising taxes due to vendors selling roadkill-> ASL made its own region in the United States and demands to have its own radio station-> Torrenters now sell their torrents for more expensive than the product they've stolen from-> Minecraft has now become the official game of China due to its excessive building and crafting-> Demand for Demand in the Stock markets increases the demand for demand of certain products at local grocery stores-> Man becomes rich off of lottery ticket

-> Scientists discover breathing air may cause you to die before 100-> There was a car crash but its special because it was 200 feet from the president-> OMB Minecraft server had more than 1 person on it at the same time!!-> Cure for Cancer still hasn't been discovered