Special Containment Procedures: SCPun-1337 is to be held in a low-risk humanoid containment cell. In the event that it becomes violent, SCPun-1337 is to be subdued by site security using cringe comedy. Bouts of rage and threats to Foundation personnel are to be ignored.

Description: SCPun-1337 is a humanoid entity self-identified as "Attila The Pun (sic)". While SCPun-1337's appearance is consistent with descriptions of Attila the Hun1, genetic analysis suggests SCPun-1337 is of predominantly Irish descent. Further confusing the matter, the entity primarily communicates in English with a heavy accent, but has been observed to speak fluent Serbian, Scots Gaelic, Comanche, Neo-Aramaic, and Pig Latin when enraged.

While it displays some elements of incorporeality, SCPun-1337 is fully capable of interacting with inanimate objects under most circumstances. Unable to be damaged through traditional means, SCPun-1337 appears to be physically harmed by "poor comedy". This includes explaining a punchline, repeating a joke several times with no modifications, use of poor timing, and other situations breaking common rules of comedy. Attempts to use this as a means of motivation have been inconsistent.

SCPun-1337 claims to be the leader of a nation called the Puns. While the entity's descriptions of this nation have been inconsistent, it is believed to be extradimensional in nature. The entity claims to have successfully led military campaigns against many other nations - typically with names associated with types of comedy, such as the Kingdom of Irony, Slapstigoth tribes, and Deadpan Empire - until it had conquered the vast majority of its home world. The entity then attempted to lead another campaign against Earth through unknown means, ending in a disastrous defeat. SCPun-1337 now believes itself to be a prisoner of war, and has continually made demands and attempts to return to its home dimension.

Addendum 1337-1 - SCPs: SCPun-1337 has displayed extensive knowledge of multiple SCP objects and events kept on file. It is not known how SCPun-1337 had access to this information.

"It is said that my grandfather had the power to control the mind. He used this power to force his subjects to mine large amounts of precious minerals from the earth. However, his mining with minds was ended when he fell into an irony mine and broke his spine. What a shame."

"How can you let such a beast torment one of your own? In my country, we would kill such monsters with our bare hands for harming one of our people! They are much better eating than they may seem, too. Very tasty when cooked well."

SCP-2801: All Your Brains Are Belong To Us

This is my second surviving SCP, and a rewrite of my first surviving SCP posted that August. Despite having worked on it over two years of draft hell, the original was a bit of a mess and pretty much survived on the concept alone. Further confusing the matter, I didn't really get any feedback on it until I gave up and asked for it a few months in. While the core anomaly is completely unchanged, I basically rewrote it from the ground up, shortening it by about half, recharacterizing the main character, and completely changing the focus of the story.2

The inspiration for this one came while I was still in high school. I was starting to explore the realm of cybersecurity at the time, and I wanted to write something related to that. The obvious question was "what if there was malware for people?", even if that is kind of what memetic hazards already are. While the original approached this from the angle of "what would malware for people look like?" along with a tacked on backstory ("All scips need a narrative, after all"), the rewrite approached it from the angle of "what would happen if hackers got ahold of the tools to make this? How would the Foundation respond? Could the Foundation respond?", which in my opinion, are far more interesting and concerning questions to ask. The original may have been a train wreck, but I am very proud of what it produced.

Fun fact: I came up for the idea about the time the Mirai botnet was crippling the eastern seaboard, and the original backstory for 2801 was heavily inspired by how I understood Mirai's history at the time. Furthermore, I took inspiration from the post of the Mirai source code on HackForums for Snyder's post in the rewrite.

SCP-3631: A Man and his Monster

This was my entry for the 2019 ClichéCon. The idea had been marinating in my head for a while, and I wanted to try to write a monster SCP (I have always had a fascination with monster SCPs, even if so few of them are written well), so I wrote up a draft over the course of a night, and posted a few days later after a particularly grueling crit process. I never expected to win - I'm still a new face (at least in practice) with nearly no name recognition, and 3631 is pretty unambitious for a contest entry - but I just thought it would be fun to enter.

Like most things I write, this seems to have flown under the radar. I have a bad habit of molding my opinion on my work based on others' feedback. I received almost no substantial feedback on this until a month in, and all I knew was that the feedback wasn't as unanimously positive as 2801, so I really started disliking this one. Time has healed that wound though, and I have since been able to take a step back and reevaluate it. So, what do I think of it now?

I think it's alright.

I don't think it's as good as 2801, but it's worthy of its spot on the mainlist. For something that I drafted in a couple of hours, it think it's something I can be proud of. It's hard to tell if the story reveal works from an author's perspective, but everything else looks good.

The one gripe I do have with it is that I wish I had been more creative with the monster's design. I intended it as a callback to creepypasta monsters, hinting at its possible origins. In fact, the original set of dates marked the monster's origins at about the time creepypasta started revving up. However, this doesn't work anymore now that I've decided to make Simon much older. The only way I can think of to rectify this is to set the date of recontainment in the future, and I really don't like doing that. Kids come up with all sorts of crazy stuff, and I wish I had reflected that.

Also, thanks to Ihp for coming up with the name of the town. I am terrible at coming up with names myself. I even changed the title of the SCP 4-5 times before finally settling on the current one.

To Run Forever & Puppets And Their Masters

These were my tales for the Bonus Round of PeppersGhost's Original Character Tournament. These were written before the SCP-2801 rewrite, which they feature heavily. While they received positive reception, they aren't really accurate representations of SCP-2801 or Nathan Snyder, and I don't really like them very much anymore. I'm leaving them up because I will probably regret it if I don't, but just keep this in mind if for some reason you decide to read them.

Okay, so, it's possible that I may one day decide to leave the site, especially considering my relationship with the community has been a fairly rocky one. And while I would hope that I will ascend to my eternal home long after anyone will have stopped caring about my writings, it is possible that I may pass prematurely, and it is unlikely that anyone else on this site would hear about it. In the event that I disappear into oblivion, here's what to do with my stuff:

I can't think of anyone who would care to take responsibility for my crud, so if any of my stuff needs editing and I have been inactive3 for a period of 4 months, go ahead and make them. If I ever make the decision to drop off the site for good, or just decide to take a long hiatus, I will probably leave an editing guide in my author post, so follow that.

If by some act of treachery any of my SCPs falls into the deletion range, anyone who has displayed competence as an author can attempt to rewrite it if I don't respond to a request within 7 days. For the tales, just let those die quietly.

If you PM me a request to write something about my scips/characters, you have my implied permission if I don't reply within 7 days or if I have been inactive for 2 months.

I trust the licensing team can take care of any issues on that front, if by some miracle any come up.

I typically draft off site, but anyone can use whatever's on my sandbox if I have been inactive for more than a year and as long as I am given credit.

Footnotes

1. 5th century tuler of a tribal empire consisting of Huns, Ostrogoths, and Alans among others.

2. While the original story mostly revolved around the backstory of the anomaly with Nathan Snyder and another character not present in the rewrite named Daniel Yu, the rewrite's story is much more focused around the other hackers and the fallout of the anomaly.

3. i.e. No posts, comments, or edits over the time frame. Otherwise, assume I'm still alive.