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Monday, I made my first “long-distance” drive. My Wingstop friend and I went to Wrightsville Beach in Wilmington, NC. We had to go Monday so that we could beat the storms forecasted for Tuesday and Wednesday. Like most of our outings, this trip became its own adventure.

I mean, look at that water!!

Wilmington is only 2 hours away from Durham, but it was the longest I’d driven at one time so far. The drive there was AMAZING!! Blue skies and puffy white clouds, awesome tunes, and the open road created perfect conditions for a day trip. Aside from a food break, the drive was pretty much a straight shot.

When we arrived at Wrightsville Beach, I was in awe! I’m from Norfolk, VA and I’m no stranger to beaches, but Wilmington was something special. The water seems to be clearer there. The sky was a different shade of blue. The seashells!! There were seashells EVERYWHERE!!! Not cigarettes or trash, seashells!! I’ve never collected shells before, but I just had to snag those Carolina shells. We strolled the beach for over an hour–sky gazing, watching the surfers, snapping pictures–before we heard thunder and saw a huge storm cloud making its way towards us.

The storm was a-brewin’…

So much for beating the storm.

All I knew was that I had to get back to the car ASAP–can’t get my starter locks wet–and that we were nowhere near the parking lot. So there we were, shoeless and speed walking to the car. My friend’s feet were killing him, so I told him to stop and wait for me as I took the keys and our destiny into my own hands and RAN. I ran down the street like nobody’s business with these little feet–I don’t even know how many blocks I ran, but shout out to my years of working in a kitchen for giving me my Teflon feet.

We didn’t get soaked or anything, but we did get hit with a few random pockets of rain on the drive back. The puffy white clouds of our initial drive were replaced by those pretty “after the storm” clouds. Combine those clouds with a setting sun and the sky was like a Bob Ross painting. It was the perfect backdrop for the perfect day.

I have no idea where I’ll be going next, but Wilmington was a good first drive. I always felt bad that people here have to drive so far just to get to a beach, but man is the drive worth it. I am officially a fan of Carolina beaches.

“Keshia’s Modern Life” is just a few days shy of its third month of existence, so it’s that time again to share what I’ve experienced this month. This month’s theme: Blogging Is Hard.

I know I’ve said this multiple times before, but this past month had a way of stressing that fact over and over again. This is the month where I’ve learned that sometimes you need to TAKE a mental break before you HAVE a mental break. If you don’t make time for yourself, your body will have a way of forcing you to make that time and it won’t be pretty.

Since starting this blog, I’ve had a rest day or two sprinkled into my schedule. Recently, I’d planned to just have a normal rest day, but things kinda went left. Nothing SERIOUShad happened, I just found myself mentally and exhausted. The mental fatigue trickled down to the rest of my body and I had a lot of stress-induced pain. So, instead of just taking one day off, I took DAYS off. The decision to take a little vacay was harder than you’d think.

When working to achieve something, it’s painful for me to just stop. I felt like I was cheating the process. I’m always afraid that time off will unintentionally become permanent. I was frustrated by my sense of urgency to create something even though I was mentally unable to make it happen. No matter how frustrated, I understood that I needed the break so that I could actually return to achieving. After having some time off, I’m better able to actually get things done.

If you’re reading this and happen to want to start a blog of your own, I forever will encourage you to go for it! I don’t share my experiences as a means of discouragement but as a means of honest transparency. Each day brings its own challenge and they’re much easier to handle when you’re not expecting unicorns and rainbows. Don’t be afraid to make time for yourself along the way.

I’m looking forward to this fourth month of blogging as I’ve got some new things planned. I truly love blogging and I have to say that I even love the growing pains that I’m experiencing along the way. I’m growing with each passing month, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I feel like I’ve covered a topic similar to the one I am going to discuss in today’s post, but my spirit tells me that this needs to be reiterated. Yesterday, at yet another one of my maintenance check meetings, the conversation led to a profound realization; things are rarely what they seem. I’ve spoken before about envy and how dangerous it is because looks are so deceiving. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side, and you may even find that maybe your grass isn’t as brown as you think.

I had a pretty serious situation plaguing my mind with worry just a few months ago. In the middle of our conversation, my friend noticed how much I’d changed since that period; he noticed that the very thing that made me feel so hopeless before was now a thing of the past. The truth is that even though it’s in the past, I remember very well what my thought process was during that time. In hindsight, I can see that it wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been. I didn’t take that situation lying down, but I used it as fuel to propel myself into a different state of mind and being, so I could then transition into a better situation.

Let me be clear. I will never discount how bad things can get. There are times where you can’t get any lower. You may read my posts and think that I am out of touch with reality and that I just skip through life wearing a permanent smile. This is not the case at all. I have just learned over time that perspective is one of the very few things that have allowed me to retain composure in times of crisis. It has taken me a great deal of time to gain the ability to take a step back and revamp my perspective during crisis.

Only in the most extreme of cases are we able to look at our individual circumstances and not find a single thing that can be worse. I know worse. I’ve had my own flavor of worse, and I’ve seen others experience flavors that I’d never wish on anyone. I can’t stress enough how important it is to engage your powers of perspective during the bad times. Seeing things little differently can have a major impact on your ability to handle those trying times. One thing in life is always certain: LIFE HAPPENS TO EVERYONE! No one is exempt from times of trouble. Equip yourself with the mindset that allows you to better handle the challenges.

You never know where your next bit of inspiration will come from. A recent Wingstop trip with a friend of mine has led to one of the greatest moments of clarity ever. As we devoured our glorious teriyaki wings* we had a rather in-depth conversation about relationships and the science behind why we act like we do.

By the end of the discussion, I was able to recognize that I had been locked in an emotional bondage of sorts. I realized that I had some unresolved feelings from the past and needed to clear them in order to move any further. Without that conversation, I probably would never have felt empowered enough to look inward and be honest with myself. Now that everything has been addressed and the chapter is completely closed (burned the book and everything), I can now be completely open for whatever relationship I encounter next.

Wingstop goes beyond wings and fries. It’s a haven for self-discovery. The key to that discovery will always be honesty. Be honest with yourself and others. The results may not be pretty, but if honesty can’t be accepted by the other party, then you’re better off anyway.

*Those wings really are the best thing ever and you should really make it your business to have some. Every day should be partly cloudy with a chance of teriyaki wings.

The past couple of months have presented me with some of the most stressful moments ever. After realizing that stress could (and did) make me sick, I bounced back with a resounding “Nah bruh”. There is no way in hell, Middle Earth, Panem, or Westeros that I will allow someone or something to stress me to the point where I experience sickness.

Such proclamations are obviously easier said than done. I don’t have anything even HALF figured out, but I do regularly remind myself that some things are just out of my control. Sometimes you’re able to change a situation right then and others you just have to give it time so you can form a better plan of attack. You do what you can in that moment and remind yourself that you are doing what you CAN.

Don’t let this post fool you. As this page says, I am “forever a work in progress”. I am no stranger to a quick, angry vent to release the negativity toxins. It’s in those times that some of my resolutions are founded. After I have my moment to be mad as all hell, I really get into motion of making things better.

When life gives me lemons, I exchange them for limes and make margaritas. There’s a silver (or salt) lining to many things. Sometimes that lining is just so far out of our sight that it’s not even revealed until after the struggle. On the other hand, some situations may appear to have no upside at all. Having made it through is the best upside you can wish for sometimes. Experience is one helluva teacher.

One of my latest ventures has been that of figuring out how to get myself a spot in the ever elusive dating pool. I took it upon myself to create yet another profile on yet another site/app. I’ve already come to a huge realization. Understanding the target markets is important.

In the few hours that I’ve had my most current profile, I can see the same old same old. The guy whose profile picture is a celebrity that you clearly recognize (you are NOT Romeo Santos sir!!), the guy who wants to showcase how many blunts he can hold in his mouth at once, and the guy who wants to pose with his bottle of liquor just because. At first I was a bit annoyed and frustrated because I couldn’t understand why guys thought any of these things would appeal to a woman. Then, a comment from a friend put everything into perspective:

“Because it works…foolish behavior attracts foolish women.”

DUH.

Instead of trying to figure out the intentions and illogical behaviors of every guy that I come across, I’ll just move forward knowing that it wasn’t meant to appeal to me in the first place. It’s important to know your target audience. You must also understand that you just may not be in the target audience of that person with the idiotic profile pics.

Now that I have that idea down, the next order of business is figuring out how to connect with potentials offline. I refuse to believe that online dating is the only viable option just because it’s 2016.

I am on a quest to make some great changes in my life. I figured it’d be cool to document the journey somehow. Between the exhilarating exhaustion of work, my weight gain/loss/gain/gain, and trying to figure out how the hell relationships happen…I’m sure I’ll have plenty of material to document regularly. Finding myself frustrated by so many things lately, an outlet is very much necessary.