Random Playpen

400 Block of NE 71st Street

A woman observed one of her neighbors as he was leaving his house. It’s nice to know your neighbors and even their routines. Her neighbor didn’t leave the area, though. Instead, he went to the house next door and threw a large rock through a window. He then entered the house and stayed inside for a long 20 minutes, in burglary terms. He finally left via the front door and damaged it to the point that it could no longer close. Police later noted that the house hadn’t been ransacked and that nothing was apparently stolen. It’s a mystery what he did inside. He’s been arrested.

Denial of Warning Signs

300 Block of NE 35th Street

This homeowner would leave town on a regular basis -- nothing wrong with that so long as he has strong locks and a security system. This wasn’t the case, as owner admitted the front lock could be manipulated and opened if one knew what he or she was doing. Upon arriving after two weeks out of town, he saw that his door was open, and that several items had been taken. Shortly before he’d left for this last trip, he saw a vagrant standing in front of his house, looking inside. He shooed him away, left town, and didn’t report the incident. Let’s hope owner will at least get a barking dog tape.

Your Mother Should Know

600 Block of NE 83rd Terrace

While watching television on his couch, a man heard a loud commotion coming from his kitchen. He arrived and saw his tough-as-nails mother wrestling with an intruder over her bag. At first the son watched as Mom threw the man to the ground while holding the bag. The suspect released the bag and tried to run out, but by this time, Son had his gun and chased him outside. A struggle ensued, which included fighting for the gun, which went off at one point. A neighbor, who was also packing heat, came running and forced the suspect to the ground. They held him, police came, and arrested the suspect. Don’t hit this neighborhood, Miami scum.

Free Marketing Maybe

7600 Block of Biscayne Boulevard

A clothing boutique had been broken into overnight. Glass-door entrance was found shattered the next morning. Many items of clothing were taken, including two boxes of shirts that said “Roma Bakery and Coffee shop.” The burglars exited via the shattered glass door. There are no cameras and no witnesses. Be wary of Roma Bakery enthusiasts. Food is so good at Roma, we may now have a criminal fencing operation aimed at people who love it and want the world to know.

Watch Your Wallet at the Dollar Store

400 Block of NE 81st Street

An employee flagged down a police officer and told him a perpetrator had taken a customer’s wallet and left the store. The officer found the man and saw the brown wallet protruding from his pocket. The officer checked the picture on a driver’s license inside the wallet, and the picture didn’t match the offender. Man was arrested and wallet returned to its rightful owner. Miami denizens, don’t flash cash at the Dollar Store. Be smart. Be humble.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

5100 Biscayne Boulevard

Victim placed her camera on a store counter at Dunkin’ Donuts and went to pay her bill. After getting her food and then sitting down to eat, she noticed that not only did she not have her camera, it was missing. She asked a cashier if she saw it, and a child in the location pointed at a man and said, “He have the camera,” which he repeated over and over. The suspected thief got into a car, but someone did get the license plate. When police arrived, the child and his parents had left the store. Arrest has not been made yet, and the little witness is no doubt currently eating Captain Crunch, and not talking to anyone.

Shelter Phone Switcheroo?

1500 Block of North Miami Avenue

A man living in a shelter woke up and went for his phone, which was inside his pants. His phone was wet, though his pants were dry. When he looked at this phone, something was off: it was an LG Stylo 1, and not the 2. This was not his phone. He thinks it may have been a staff member who asked him about the phone earlier in the day, wondering what model number it was and obviously coveting his neighbor’s possession. Now stuck with the crappy 1 model, and the loss of his personal contacts, games, and sex sites, there is nothing else to do. No arrests have been made.

Drinking Pal Did Him Wrong

NE 2nd Avenue and 57th Street

Police were called after witnesses said they saw a violent dispute between two men. While they were hanging out and having drinks -- beer in paper bags -- the suspect got hold of victim’s wallet and took $400. One would think that $400 could have gotten them into a bar, rather than the sidewalk. After a ruckus, the victim got his wallet back; supposedly the suspect threw it on the ground and ran off. Police found it strange that $140 was still left in the wallet as perhaps the suspect felt bad and wanted to leave him something. Story changed a bit during the interview, and no leads have been generated.

Volleyball Out of Bounds

2400 Block of S. Bayshore Drive

At lunchtime, a woman went to play volleyball with likeminded aficionados. She put her Tommy Hilfiger purse at the side of the court and headed to the net for play. Hey, exercise through your lunch break, be free and open, and always wear the latest. Of course, “the latest,” went missing. This is a sad moment for the loss of innocence, as another Miamian becomes jaded.

Condiment Cold Case

400 Block of Biscayne Boulevard

A food delivery employee was making his rounds, emptying his truck over several locations. At each location, he removed crates and left them on the pallet as he took out that day’s order from his truck. Stealing was not his concern, because who in the world is going to steal a heavy box of ketchup in broad daylight with the victim only several feet away? Well, with the worker’s back to the items, a suspect quickly grabbed a heavy box of ketchup and waddled off, as it is hard to run with a box of ketchup. He was not detained; let them eat ketchup!

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