Where the Rubber Meets the Road, In a Life of Chronic Pain

If there is one area we know about, it is the hard reality of living with chronic pain. It’s not a theory, an idea or a goal. Survival is our goal and it begins each morning as yet another day challenges us with its demands. There is so much reality in most of our lives; I think we should be able to bottle it. I would bottle my reality for all those individuals who are still hung up on the superficial areas of life. They are missing out on so much. There are areas of the human heart that cannot be uncovered and discovered except by use of the knife of pain and the shovel of sorrow. These are the choices we face as we see life from a new angle, gain a new perspective and choose whether we will grow or wither away and die both in spirit and in body.

1. Time Is Energy in a Life of Chronic Pain

There is often a mountain of challenge to face as we choose how, when, what and who matters in our life. How do I get out of bed today? Couldn’t I just roll over and sleep today away? When should I take this or that medication, in order to feel well enough to go to the market or sling the mop around the kitchen floor? It has to be timed, just right. What matters today? Do I choose to cook dinner and do the laundry? Do I have the energy for both? Perhaps I’ll skip both of them. Maybe I’ll wait for the hamper to fill a bit more and choose frozen foods tonight or better yet, call take out. But the take out is usually a higher calorie and grease factor than the made at home food, isn’t it? Who matters in my life right now? Thank God for caller ID. I have insulted so many telephone solicitors I almost feel sorry for them; but not enough to put up with them. Do I have the energy it would take to call a friend and chat? Is it someone with whom I can be honest and not fill the airwaves with idle chatter for which I have very little tolerance. I always have time for humor and concern to share with another but grow weary of a friend whose biggest problem is an ingrown toenail. I know. That’s not a very kind thing to admit but if I only have a cup full of energy and someone wants to drink three-quarters of it as it is represented by my time, it’s thumbs down for that one.

2. You Don’t Have to Live Like That

One of the most difficult discoveries for each of us is the knowledge of how profoundly our bodies have changed our minds and our spirits. The bird that is sitting on your head, pecking away at you is the one that gets the attention as you seek to shoo it away. When you are in the grip of profound and constant pain, you often feel as if that bird is going to peck right on through to your brain because it never stops. You have to find a way to make it stop. Doctors, counselors, physical therapists, acupuncturists are all the most common modalities we turn to for answers to cage that bird. We do not have to put up with severe chronic pain all the time. Some pain, perhaps. Don’t accept anything short of the best in medical care. It doesn’t matter if your doctor is nice if she/he is not helping you. You wouldn’t call a plumber back out who didn’t fix a leak just because he’s nice and kindly, would you? It’s the same thing re-electing politicians who clearly are screwing up our lives. Why re-elect them? Sometimes the known is more comfortable than the unknown. The pain we know, when it grows too strong, must be addressed with the unknown. Relief may feel elusive to you and you may have given up but there are answers for each of us. There are not always cures but there can be a better way. So often we give up too soon. Never give up. I know… I have often driven away from a doctor’s office, crying and felt such profound disappointment I thought I couldn’t bear it but after a few days of grief, self-pity and anger, I usually come back to a place of hope. You and I don’t want to go through life with that dumb bird sitting on our heads; it looks ridiculous.

3. You Must Have Faith to Believe There Is Hope for You

We perform acts of faith every day of our lives. We turn on a light switch, believing live current will flow through it. We have faith when we open a carton of milk that it is not poisonous and will not harm us or our families. We demonstrate faith in politicians who have proven to be liars yet we place our lives in their hands as well as the safety and future of our country. We are performing acts of faith each day yet we don’t see it as faith. Our pain may be invisible to the eye of another but we know it to be real. It is often so real it is palpable, searing, life altering and constantly interfering in our daily lives. It is an entirely different experience and takes you to a new plane in life. We don’t live with a “take an aspirin and it will go away” pain. We don’t live with a “you’ll feel better in the morning” pain; neither is it a “cheer up, you’re being too negative” pain. Who wouldn’t be depressed, short- tempered and a bit ugly if they had to walk around with that damn bird pecking away on their head? No, this kind of profound bodily change and deep pain requires a deep faith and belief in an answer…somewhere. How tragic would it be if you gave up when you were just “around the corner” from help? After 27 years of my own chronic pain, please have faith in me when I say there is someone out there who can help you. It may be a new doctor just opening a practice. It may be a stretch or procedure your physical therapist just learned at a seminar and can apply to your problems. There are new medications being discovered every day. Seek. Try. Believe. If you do not search, you will not find. Don’t be afraid of the unknown. You know what you have right now and if it isn’t working for you, then you must find renewed hope and faith and try something else.

4. Spend Some Time Remembering

Let your own life teach you. You have profundity inside you if you only search for it. Do you remember how much you hated changing schools? Do you remember a fight with a friend that was so insignificant you can’t now remember the cause? Do you remember the first time you got an injection as a child? Do you remember losing a love you thought could never be replaced, but was eventually replaced by someone better? Do you remember how nervous you were the first time you had sex? Life moves us along. It is on our side and wants to provide us with the answers we seek but the catch is, we must believe. When we suspend belief all is lost. We settle into mediocrity and never become who we have the potential to become. (Please, read that last sentence again and again until it is a part of you.)

5. Dig Out Those Old Dreams

There is so much truth within us and we often let life whip it out of us. It’s easy to do when you are under pressure from a bad relationship, a worry bigger than yourself for a loved one or when you hurt…all the time. If that dream that used to live inside of you was once important to you, it can be important once again. You are a unique individual and it is vitally important during this brief span we call life, for you to reclaim and fulfill as many of those dreams as you can. Possible is a word that changes. You might have to alter or adjust, but the dream can stay intact. Let us not use our pain as an excuse for giving up. Anyone can sit and slide but it takes someone special to climb; even if it is under extreme hardship and only one step at a time. If you think about that simple fact, that’s how healthy people do it, also. They just do it faster. Fast is overrated. Getting there is the important fact.

In order for the rubber to meet the road, you have to be moving. Believe, find renewed faith and never give up. Get rid of that ugly bird. It’s not a very attractive or comfortable hat anyway.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Sue Falkner-Wood

Sue Falkner-Wood is a retired registered nurse living in Astoria, Ore., with her husband, who is also an R.N. Sue left nursing in 1990 due to chronic pain and other symptoms related to what was eventually...read more