Today I had pretty interesting phone call. It was an international call with one of my peer. We talked about qualification, certifications, and many other random things. I shared with her my ideas about traveling, internships. And how is nowadays, to have an international real life experience, brings you move value as a specialist on a “market” than a bunch of diplomas on your wall.

I told her that is an amazing thing to have a cosmopolitan life and be able to meet new cultures, peers and exchange experiences. Try things you’ve never tried before! Come up with your own methods and techniques in your work! Get new mentors! At the end of the day, you can see new opportunities for business if you are interested. Isn’t it’s great?

But she didn’t share my excitement. In fact, she told me that she is already reached her “higher level of self-development” as a specialist and she is able to teach everyone else. That to “go global” is a waste of time, extra stress, and a possibility gets diarrhea…

I didn’t start a fight with her. But it made me think. How many people around us just sitting on their buts to get their check paid? Seriously! They don’t need anything! They don’t care how they are influencing your life. They don’t care will you get a real knowledge or not? Will you become someone and grow? Will you reach your dreams? They against every possible change, because being out of the comfort zone didn’t guarantee a paid check for them! After all, such people will use their best efforts to make you think that you are ” such a dreamer” (in the very best polite way).You know… I’ve been upset after talking to her, to be honest. But then I remember one story.

There is such a wonderful thing called the crab bucket theory which literally means a short-sighted way of thinking or myopic thinking. In short, it says that the crabs are such a stupid animals that individually each of them could easily get out of the bucket. But when one of them is trying to get out, the others is clinging to his back and tightened him.

So as people, when you are trying to quit smoking and someone will say, “I tried for a few days and it didn’t work. You are gonna fail too! Haha” and you’ll take it. And later will smoke without feeling of guilt… It’s a crab bucket! When you are trying to follow a healthy diet someone will tell you, “Dude, it’s just a question of a time, you’ll still keep dream about it! Eat some donut! You’ll start your diet tomorrow. – yes, crab bucket!

Unfortunately, it’s a human nature… We can’t do anything about it, except for one thing! We have to be stronger than the bucket and push forward, even when a hundred people are pulling you back!

Eric Berne (a Canadian-born psychiatrist) created the theory based on three ego-states of the individuals in interpersonal relationships. Which is involved the Parent, Adult, and the Child state? According to this theory when we communicate with someone we are always staying in one of these states.

We think that we can distinguish one ego-state from another. When you meet someone for the very first time how often you catch yourself on ideas like that: ‘He doesn’t act his age!’, or ‘She is so bossy!’, or ‘He is only eight but he is so mature! That’s amazing!’

But what happens if two ego-states were mixed in one person? Or if the man can’t in or out from a specific one? Let’s look at some examples.

The type #1: Preconception is conception

This is the type of people who usually use impersonal sentences when they talk about themselves. For example, ‘Every bullet has its billet’, ’ Every solution breeds new problems’, ‘Money can’t buy a life! ‘

This person from the moment of birth took parental mottos for reality. Sometimes they do it because they think it’s cool and sometimes it’s just a pure mental attack. In other words, people who have the influence on you can suppress your voice of intelligence.

This is the type of people who stays in a Parent ego-state. They know everything better than others. They are always right. And you just can’t win from them! Because they know what’s better.