Royal Smut Articles

But she looks like Lady Gaga, doesn’t she? A little?
This is Jazmin Grace Grimaldi. She’s the oldest child of Prince Albert of Monaco…but not a princess, with no claim to the Monegasque throne, because she’s considered to be “illegitimate” and according to Monaco succession laws, the monarch has to be married to the mother of the child for the child to be recognised. Full Story

Prince Big G turns 2 tomorrow. And, paupers, because he’s the only one who matters, Kensington Palace released a new photo of him from his sister’s christening, taken by Mario Testino.
Look who's turning two tomorrow! #HappyBirthdayPrinceGeorgeFull Story

Last Friday we ended the day with old crusty ass Prince Philip who barked at a photographer, “Just take the f-cking picture” while posing at an event. Click here for a refresher. This Friday we begin the day with Prince Philip who, during a visit to the Chadwell Heath Community Centre, asked a group of Asian women:

“Who do you sponge off?”

The palace insists that the question should be taken in context, because the women had just presented the Queen with a sponge cake. Later on, he also apparently asked them if they just gossip all the time when they meet. When speaking to the media about the incident, a trustee for the Chadwell Heath Asian Women’s Network said that it was a teasing moment and no offence was taken. Read Full Intro

Prince Albert of Monaco celebrated 10 years on the throne this weekend. The twins were brought out for the occasion. And his wife, the Serene Charlene, even spoke French for the first time in public, taking the microphone to tell him:
"[Prince] Albert I was the Explorer, Rainier III was the Prince-Builder, and you are the Prince of Hearts, of my heart. Full Story

You hear about this year? Several senior members of the British royal family were out today to commemorate the 75th anniversary of the Battle of Britain. Later on there was a photo taken with veterans. And, well, old crusty Prince Philip got impatient and this is what happened:
Just take the f-cking picture!
Twice!
He’s always been the one who talks all kinds of sh-t, non? And, well, you know how it is when people get older. Full Story

Kensington Palace has just released new shots of the royal family, taken by Mario Testino, from Princess Charlotte’s christening. There’s a family portrait, with the Cambridges as a fourpiece joined by Her Majesty – who is beaming! – on the couch, surrounded by all the Middletons and Prince Charles and Camilla. Full Story

Prince William and Catherine showed up at Wimbledon today for the Andy Murray/Vasek Pospisil match which just ended.
SPOILER ALERT….
CLICK AWAY NOW…
ALTHOUGH HOW CAN YOU AVOID SPORTING RESULTS IN THESE TIMES?
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Anyway, it ended in straight sets, in favour of Murray who’s now on to the semis despite looking like he might have a sore arm. Full Story

Princess Charlotte was christened yesterday at Sandringham. It’s the first time the Cambridges stepped out in public as a four-piece. Charlotte travelled by pram to church, pushed by her mother, who walked alongside her dad and her brother.
Her brother.
Big G. Who, as we’ve seen, as we know, has made every single event that’s supposed to be about his sister about himself instead. Full Story

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt met with Prince William and Catherine on Friday at Kensington Palace. According to US Weekly, they all got on “splendidly”. And Big G was there too although we don’t know if he managed to rip Brad’s glasses off his face and give him a bloody nose. Full Story

My friend Lorella has this weird phobia about dressing the same. Like if we agree to meet somewhere, and she shows up in a black tee and jeans and I show up in a similar black tee and jeans (which is standard wardrobe for a lot of people), she’ll have a meltdown and might not be able to function. Full Story

Day 1 of Royal Ascot. The Queen was joined by a few of her grandchildren including Zara Phillips and Prince Harry who wore a top hat, per the dress code. Oh of course there’s a dress code. A strict dress code. When I was in Windsor a few weeks ago, I wanted to walk the Long Walk. It’s like 10km or something. Full Story

F-cking teenagers. Sullen and reluctant, whether they’re humans or dragons. Sarah will probably defend Drogon in her recap later but come on, all he did was burp. That was basically his contribution. And now we have to wait ten months – TEN MONTHS! – until next season to see if he gets off his lazy ass and helps his mother.

In other news, there was a royal wedding this weekend. People keep trying to get me to care about Prince Carl Philip of Sweden and Sofia Hellqvist. He certainly is handsome, especially for a royal, since you know how royal lineage is often full of babies from brothers and sisters and uncles and cousins. And she was a reality show star. All promising requirements for good gossip. But then you what happened?

Big G, that famewhore, decided to cockblock everyone, including his own great-grandmother.

The Queen and Prince Philip were joined by Prince William and Princess Anne at the event to mark the 800th anniversary of the Magna Carta today at Runnymede which is close to Windsor which, of course, is where Windsor Castle is –the Queen’s preferred home, where the Order of the Garter service happens. Full Story