Innocence and Pure Thoughts

The night before her commencement ceremony, I spent hours looking through my old photo albums on Facebook with my close high school friend. We were both drenched in nostalgia and bringing up memories and old jokes that had quietly sunk to the back of our minds over the post-high school years.

I woke up that Sunday morning and got all dressed-up. When I walked downstairs, I was surprised to see my mother dressed-up as well! And then my father came upstairs and I was even more surprised to see him with a button-up shirt and black pants (with a belt!). Honestly, I felt a little bitter about it because at my commencement, they wore bright orange and green windbreakers that they wear every other day.

I know my sister’s favorite flowers are actually roses; but she chose daisies to be in her graduation bouquet. It was a very girly bouquet in hues of white, pink, and purple but I still thought my graduation bouquet was prettier. Mine consisted of my favorite sunflowers and some unknown, purple flowers. According to the Language of Flowers, daisies mean innocence; sunflowers mean pure and lofty thoughts because they always turn to the sun.

I definitely experienced a bittersweet feeling attending my sister’s commencement. After all, my commencement was held at the same venue and on the same holiday (Father’s Day). There were families everywhere and all these happy, lively teenagers taking photos in their black and yellow gowns… the same ones my friends and I had worn 2 years ago.

I sat with some old classmates who were also there for their younger siblings. We each watched our little sisters or brothers walk across the stage and tried to take photos of them. And I started thinking about how every year, the teachers and principals would give speeches on what a wonderful grad class this is. And every year, a new batch of amazing youngsters with great potential are manufactured and sent out into society as adults. And all of a sudden, we all looked the same. For some reason, I felt kind of envious of the people graduating. I remember sitting there in that theater with my graduating class feeling on top of the world. It was like the end of high school signaled this bright future for me. And I saw that on the faces of the kids who walked up on stage. They were excited about life after high school. And I think I was envious of their drive and optimism to reach aspirations because I feel like those are things that I have forgotten as I entered University.

I felt a lot older. Until then, high school had always felt like something that happened just yesterday. But now I see that I’m a lot different from the Loewe who just graduated from high school. Before I even realized it, I had become someone skeptical and disbelieving of my own abilities. Of course it’s not good to overestimate yourself, but I need to stop underestimating myself. Just like how the high school me saw a shining future, the University me will take the steps to build it.