As a 44-year-old disputed UFC Heavyweight champion and complete, undisputed badass, you’d think it’d be hard to make Randy Couture look unintimidating. All the credit goes to the producers of the direct-to-DVD feature The Scorpion King 2. Way to take a guy famous for beating the crap out of younger, bigger men and turn him into someone who gives the kids a good mild scare on the way to the hay ride. RAWRRR!! Ha, just kidding, little buddy. Here, have a Butterfingers.

Prepare to be rocked like a hurricane, August 19th! I blame you for this, Dana White.

I like that they have the words "All-New Movie" printed at the bottom of the box so the average fan of Scorpion King movies doesn’t get confused.Hay! Thay replayced mah almost-white guy wiff a reayul white guy!

06.18.08 at 1:14 pm

RoboPanda

I like how they couldn’t decide if they should have Randy or that woman’s rack be the focal point, so they just split the difference. I like it when a movie tells me, right up front, that they don’t give a shit about composition.

06.18.08 at 1:15 pm

The Kurgan

In related news…I had 4 White Castle double cheeseburgers and some onion rings for lunch today and as soon as i got back to work, i took the nastiest shit i’ve ever taken in my life. As i was wiping, my middle finger poked right through the TP and inserted itself into my still shit covered asshole. After i got my ass cleaned, i ran to the sink and started scrubbing my hands with this antibacterial soap that smells like Spring Watermelons or something like that, but i could still smell the shit under my fingernails. Even after i bit them off, i can still smell it, so i guess i’ll just have to wait until i get home and let the dog lick my fingers. it works for my ass when i don’t get it clean, so why not?

06.18.08 at 1:19 pm

Fek'lhr

BOOSH! HERE COMES THE BOOSH!

06.18.08 at 1:20 pm

Stone Soup

I’m partial to Autumn Watermelons.* She’s a stripper at my local club.

06.18.08 at 1:23 pm

Stone Soup

Randy Couture stars in "Explosion At The Arrow Factory"

06.18.08 at 1:24 pm

Burnsy

The box cover looks like the greatest epic porno ever produced.

06.18.08 at 1:28 pm

Stinky Peet

"So hey, did you like 300? Well this movie has a shitload of arrows just like that!"

06.18.08 at 1:28 pm

Fek'lhr

When Randy Couture is direct to DVD and Brendan Fraser a box office hit, you know the world is fucked up.

06.18.08 at 1:33 pm

Al

Most exciting post in the world up.

06.18.08 at 1:55 pm

Michelle07

whoa whoa whoa…this movie is ALL new? Well then, I shall grab my bag of money and take 3. Thank you and good day.

06.18.08 at 3:43 pm

TengoWood

Yeah, this is gonna hurt…

06.18.08 at 4:13 pm

Jessica_Fangirl

The budget is so tiny they just photoshopped the same arrow over and over again.Kurgen: You hurt me.

06.19.08 at 3:18 pm

bomberman

road to be the #1 HW1)defeat big tim and gonzaga2)leave the biggest org in mma and not fight the #2 ranked HW 3)make shitty movie4)lose to Fedor at affliction 2.nice one Randy.