A few questions about facial tissues, semicolons, doughnut holes and other important topics

In order to see if I can find some answers, I thought I would write down a few of the most recent items I have been wondering about.

How is the universe is constantly expanding? – First of all, how can anyone even theorize this? How would that work? What is it expanding into? Is it just empty in the places that it is expanding into or are planets moving into the new areas? What do they do for fun there?

How is Rick Dees still on the radio? – That guy was doing Top 40 radio countdown shows when I was growing up long ago and I still hear him on the radio today. He sounds exactly the same. How is that possible? Doesn’t he get tired of Top 40 music? Is he just a computer program now?

How can anyone like celery? – Taste buds must be very different from person to person.

How did anyone ever discover that whale vomit would make a good perfume? – Did they test other types of vomit to see if they would make good perfumes, too? What do whales think of this?

Do whales think they are better than fish because they can breathe air? – Do the fish make fun of the whales for not being able to breathe water?

How many holes does a doughnut have? – One? Two? Zero? This was a big dinner topic at our house the other day. The children argue that if doughnut itself is supposed to be hollow in the middle, then maybe it doesn’t technically have a “hole.” It is, after all, “dough” shaped like a “nut” (and not “do” shaped like a “nut”). I have spent way too much time thinking about this. I am not sure about if a doughnut has a hole or not, but I would argue that the children should go out and buy me some doughnuts.

How is the name of famous college basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski pronounced Mike Shih-chef-ski? – I can see if the K is silent or something like that, but there is just no way I understand that pronunciation. It looks like it should be Krizooski. And if you pronounce the last name like that, why isn’t the first name pronounced Mishe?

Facial tissues – If you call Kleenex and similar projects facial tissues, why don’t we call Charmin and similar products tushy tissues? How about posterior paper? Derriere documents? (That is courtesy of my brother-in-law Mark).

Really nice facial tissues – If I am at someone’s house or office and they have noticeably soft facial tissues, I always think, “Wow they must be rich. This must be what it feels like to be wealthy.”

Where did I leave that pack of light bulbs we bought? – Seriously, I can understand how I can lose pens and things like that, but how did I lose a whole box of light bulbs?

Who did let the dogs out anyway? – And why was everyone so worried about that? I bet Rick Dees has some answers.

Can you believe this is just about half of the list? What about the semicolons that were promised? –Part two will be coming out shortly with an important question about semicolons, so be sure to watch for it soon (so that you can either enjoy it or avoid it)!

I don’t understand losing things at all – even pens. I have no idea where they go. Oh no! Probably somewhere in the expanding universe. A place that causes me anxiety with its incomprehensible expanding abilities. What have you done to me? I need a drink.