livingmmy9lives:
This is something I can really relate to. My partner & I spend a lot of time alone because we don't have a lot of money to spend and no car. Also people who are not long-term survivors don't understand what we go through. We tried a support group and made one good friend and he died. We also tried going to a church but when were were absent for long stretches because my partner was sick it really bothered me that no one ever called to see how is was etc and generally I felt like they didn't have time for us. So we spend our days mostly at home together and it is boring and kind of sad in a sense but thankfully we have each other. I don't know what I would do without him or if I could even stand being alone so much. I have a lot of empathy for you single long-term survivors.

livingmmy9lives:
http://youtu.be/OmPKVvxFb1c

lyrics: Lying in my bed, I think of youThat song goes through my head, the one we both knewIn each line lies another line full of sacred soundBut you're outside where the companies dream and the money goes roundLying in my bed.Watching my mistakes,I listen to the band they said that it could be the 2 of usThe snow might fall and write the lines on the silent pageBut you're outside making permanent love to the nuclear ageTwo silhouettes by the cash machine make a lovers danceIt's a tango for the lonely wives of the business classLying in my bedWatching my mistakesI listen to the bandLying in my bedWith nothing much to say so I listen to the manHe said that it could be the 2 of usI heard you call from across the city through the stereo soundAnd so I crawled there sickeningly pretty as the money went roundLying in my head watching my mistakesI listen to the bandAnd the drums beat in my headPianos chime the sound in this prison of the houseAnd as the illness comes again can you hear me through the rainAs I listen to the band?As I sing the silent songMime each lonely wordPlease listen to the man he said that it could be the 2 of usAlone but not lonely, you and meAlone but loaded.........

mitch777:
welcome to the forums Living! :)it's not too often that we see "new" LTS posting for the first time.hope we can get to know you better. :)m.

LongTimeSurvivor:
I stay alive to spite everyone. Makes me happy...

That said...by nature, I'm a loner. So not sure if my outlook on life will be of much use to you. There are ways to pass the time...reading, writing (letters to faraway friends), cow-tipping...but only if you live near farms.

Another option would be to go on line and explore potential connections. Look up all the hair dressers in towns near you. It's cliche, yes, but I bet if they're men they're gay. At least it would be a start and they probably know other men who aren't hairdressers.

Best of luck...

phillypinko:
I've lived long enough to relate to where you're coming from. I tested positive in '92 when I was 20 years old. I made what at the time was a logical decision. I was told I had 5-7 years of good health ahead of me so i reasoned it was pointless to finish school. I dropped out signed up for as many credit cards as I could get and worked jobs that paid cash(bartender,barback,waiter). I've travelled the world and all through the U.S. Now im 41. My parents are elderly and sick. I collect the minimum on disability and live in public housng. I didn't anticipate living this long! Now im looking at a lonely life where I am either rejected because i'm on disability or because of HIV. I literally have had guys strike up a conversation with me in a bar. We talk for 5 or 10 minutes then they ask what i do for a living. They abruptly end the conversation by not saying another word and walking away when they find out i am on disablity. I would give anything to meet the right man and live happily ever after but I think that is a pipe dream. So im chasing another pipe dream by writing about what it was like to test positve at such a young age before there was a treatment and how it changed my life. I've accepted being lonely is my cross to bear. I do a lot of praying. I ask God to give me the strength to accept his will for me.