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Thursday, June 9, 2011

I'm Frustrated

I'm really down on myself today.

I'm fighting to get it under control but it's hard. Today is my easy day for working out but that just means I'm not going to run and don't have the 200 sit-up challenge to do. (Which IS going well.) Here is my game plan as far as working out:

mow the lawn without setting the mower on automatic. It'll take an hour of pushing for my big lawn.

clean all the floors. A little vacuuming but mostly wood floor scrubbing.

walk for an hour on an incline at a decent clip.

do laundry. It'll require multiple trips up and down the stairs since I won't use the basket.

jumping jacks. As many as I can do.

crunches. Just a few.

It just doesn't seem like enough. Nothing I do ever seems like enough. I looked so darn fat when I looked in the mirror today. I know I just started six weeks ago, but I feel like I should look just a tiny bit less fat by now. No miracles. I just need a self-confidence boost.

Side note: I ordered new workout gear from Fila. If it doesn't fit, I'm gonna cry.

I'm not asking for weight-loss to be easy. I'd just like my efforts to be rewarded in a bit of a more obvious way. I'm at almost 15 pounds lost and I cannot see any difference. Sometimes I think some part of me is thinner or smoother, but there really isn't a change. I'm so frustrated. I want to scream. More importantly, I want to do more and am scared of overdoing it. I don't want to add any extra muscle yet. I just want the fat gone.

Anyone have any tips or tricks to help me shed this crap? Both the weight AND the emotional baggage?

5 comments:

Are you taking progress photos? Measurements? Remember that it's not all about being thinner or smoother. Are those long walks getting easier? Does push mowing your yard without setting the automatic not seem as scary as it did a month ago? These things are big accomplishments too! I'm proud of you for all you're doing! <3 Mary (pirate)

Anna, have you thought about using string or ribbon instead of a measuring tape? Who cares what the numbers say. Cut a piece of yarn and make a tape tag for it with the date and where you measured, then put them in the bottom of your sock drawer and don't think about them for a while. I bet you'll be pleasantly surprised when you pull them out again!

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About Me

I'm trying to reshape my life by reshaping my body. The journey isn't easy, I'm trying to get strong enough, and all I really want to do is to destroy that fat chick that I see in the mirror each day. She's not real. She's not me. I want her gone.