Scientists say the sun is getter hotter and brighter. That's something that’s been going on throughout its life and will continue until it enters its red giant phase in about 5 billion years. In about 1 billion years, it's estimated the Earth will be too hot for liquid water. If you want my advice -- and I'm telling you right now that you do -- we should have a plan in place to get the human race off of the planet within 500 million years. And I'd recommend we get a better central power source for our new ecosystem than a star; natural fusion is just sketchy and unreliable.

There are a lot of people, though, saying we have to worry about the greenhouse effect making things too hot on Earth in like the next hundred years or something. That seems like complete and utter nonsense on the surface; I mean, the sun is already destined to try and kill us, so why are we worried about carbon? Still, a lot of people are like, really sure about it and say the ice caps are going to melt and then … bad things. If you really want to know about it, ask Al Gore, and he'll be happy to show you some slides on the subject. It would be nice of you to act interested, because he's going through a lot and could really use a friend right now.

Anyway, so a lot of scientists -- and especially politicians, actors, and musicians -- are really, really super certain we have to do something about this "global climate warming change," as they call it, but seem unable to convince the average man it's not a bunch of mumbo jumbo -- especially to the extent that everyone is going to agree to economy-massacring policies. That seems perfectly rational to me; if I'm wrong, and we're destined for doom but the only way to live is to be a bunch of hippies, I'd rather be dead. Also, new, cleaner technologies seem unlikely to emerge in markets stifled by socialism and controlled by the meddling morons who usually populate government. So I'm happy to punt this possible crisis down the road and worry about the more concrete and better understood problem that the sun is eventually going to kill us all.

Which apparently makes me like someone who denies the murders of millions of Jews in the Holocaust.

See, the other day, Paul McCartney (who long ago participated in creating a song warning of the global warming crisis, the chilling "Here Comes the Sun") compared skepticism about global warming to Holocaust denial. And he's certainly not the first. And it's even quite common among the super-certain community of actors, musicians, and whatnot who became concerned about global warming after reading an article about it in Newsweek to use the term "climate change denial" to try and more subtly invoke the comparison.