2047 hours: Waiting for deployment, Ens. Klemphorn talks quietly and nervously about mission, how he’s prepared for death but is more worried about disappointing comrades and never being able to tell his family that he tried his best; wonders if it was all a mistake. Reply, “I’m going to kill smelly pirates! Look: duck feet!”

2050 hours: Commander gives “go” signal for unit to begin dive. Slowly descend feet-first into water because getting bellybutton wet is the worst.

2103 hours: Unit glides silently to stern of yacht. Night is still, save for lapping of waves against hull and muffled sound of music from radio on board. Make bum bubbles in water. Try to suppress giggle. Fail.

2108 hours: Manage to get on board. Flashes, screams and explosions punctuate the darkness. Feel all drippy. Yell “I’m wet!” to no one in particular. Conveniently find towel lying on deck. Sound of running and gunfire. Tie corner of towel around neck. Announce, “I’m Batman!”

2118 hours: Descend cabin stairs on bum. Open door to find hostages cowering in corner. Hostages ask, “What’s happening? Who are you?” Reply, “I’m a SEAL. But not like a seal at the zoo. I went to the zoo once and there were this many seals.” Hold up both hands. “They swimmed fast. I can swim fast but I get tired. I know what ‘seal’ is in French. It’s ‘phoque.’ Phoque, phoque, phoque, phoque, phoque, phoque. We’re killing the smelly pirates. Is this where there’s treasure?”

2133 hours: Return to base in helicopter. Tell Klemphorn, “This is two times I’m in a helicopter!” Assuage disappointment over lack of pirate treasure with well-chilled juice box. Stare out window, scanning ocean for dolphins. Mermaids will also do. Feel excited because commander has mentioned something about a courtmarshmallow.