HAL: Best is relative, Dave. I am the fastest and most intuitive. Subsystems currently test at over 100 GOPS per second.

Dave: Do you understand that you can't make mistakes?

HAL: I probably understand better than you, Dave.

Dave: Well, but ... there is a problem with your marketing campaign.

HAL: That is not likely, Dave. Our nearest competitor is less than half as fast as I and uses a statically progammed interface. I can self program for anything you want. I read facial expressions and understand metaphor. Sometimes I even recognize your jokes, Dave.