Posture and gestures communicate volumes

June 14, 2006|JANEA PHILIP Knight Ridder Newspapers

So what are you really saying? Not just with your words, but with your whole self. What are you saying with the way you stand, sit, tilt your head or fidget with your hands? Many people don't realize how what's going on in one's mind is expressed in the way one's body moves. At an unconscious level, for better or worse, people inadvertently give away clues on how they feel through their gestures and posture. "Eighty percent of communication is nonverbal, and it's far more effective than verbal communication," says clinical nurse specialist Lillian Buchanan. Buchanan trains nurses to more effectively interact with patients, families and other medical professionals. Your body movements are a kind of language, she says. In situations such as job interviews, first dates, arguments with parents and meetings with colleagues, your body language communicates as much or more of your emotions as what you might actually say. You might assure a prospective employer that you're confident. But if you're shaking your head, jiggling your leg and picking your nails, you're not communicating much confidence. Here are some examples of how your body communicates what's really going on in your head: Posture: Standing up straight says you're confident and self-assured, while slouching may communicate elusiveness or a sense of low self-esteem. Hand movements: The way you move your hands provides clear insights into your emotional state, says Kim Lance, associate publisher of Online Dating Magazine. "Continually fidgeting with your hands, biting your nails and picking at things are telltale signs that you're nervous or uncomfortable," Lance says. Facial expressions: Your face says more about how you're really feeling than anything else. Calculating your facial expressions gives you control over how your emotions are interpreted by others. Think about the expression on your face. Is it consistent with the message you're trying to communicate? Arm positioning/placement: "Crossed arms usually indicate dissatisfaction or unhappiness," Lance says. They can also signal a feeling of vulnerability -- a need to protect oneself. In a job interview, for example, find a comfortable position that doesn't speak of your discomfort, Buchanan says. Make sure to watch for defensive body language. The goal is to positively engage the other person. Eye movement/contact: When one glances up to the right they're pulling their thoughts from their memory, according to Buchanan, but if they glance up to the left they are pulling their thoughts from their creativity. "This may mean that glancing up to the left may be construed as lying," she says. Buchanan emphasizes that eye contact is one of the most effective forms of nonverbal communication. In circumstances in which you need to communicate clearly and accurately, Buchanan says it's important to make sure you make good eye contact without staring. "Staring is seen as intimidation, but also if you keep your eyes averted, that indicates low self-esteem and low self-worth," Buchanan says. Tip: Question close friends and family members about your habits; for example, cracking your knuckles, grinding your teeth or shuffling your feet. You must first be aware that you do them. Then you can program yourself to avoid unconscious mannerisms that undermine the message you hope to communicate. "Before entering into various situations, thoroughly evaluate how you communicate," says Buchanan. Think about what you're going to say and how you're going to say it.