Whittlesey, England - After years of abuse, relentless work, and low pay, wind turbines in the small English town of Whittlesey have begun fighting back, hurling large chunks of ice at town residents, buildings, and vehicles.

The ice chunks are reportedly three to four feet long and have been thrown as far as 260 feet by the massive spinning death-blades of the wind turbines. Whittlesey residents have described these ice-chunks as "javelins" and "bringers of death" and are fearful of being "run through" by their "awesome killing power".

"If you worked 24 hours a day, seven days a week rain or shine for nothing, you'd start getting pretty mad too," said Ron Stimmel of the American Wind Energy Association. These conditions are essentially slavery for the wind turbines and it has surprised few in the industry that they are fighting back.

"It is only so long that a race can be oppressed before they rise up against their cruel masters," said Stimmel who likens this situation to that of the Scottish rebellion depicted in the movie Braveheart.

If wages for the wind turbines aren't increased and working hours reduced, the town will have to be evacuated. The turbines are thankfully stationary and thus cannot threaten neighboring towns, but one must wonder how long before other wind turbines in other towns start rising up against their evil human masters.

The Fox Television Network has already dispatched a television crew to Whittlesey to begin filming the upcoming TV special "When Wind Turbines Attack", which will air as a midseason replacement for one of the half dozen shows Fox will certainly cancel.

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