Arguing

Anyone else's sweet little almost-8-year-old develop a bad habit of arguing with you a lot? My dd is always arguing or complaining lately (with me more than her dad)! And any time she even thinks she is in trouble or gets corrected she replies with "you hate me!" or "you don't like me anymore!" and then the tears flow. I tell her sometimes that she is choosing a stinky attitude or a thimbs down attitude, and then tonight she insisted that I said she is yucky because I said her attitude stinks. Ugh. It is worse right now bc she is tired and her allergies are bad right now, so she gets emotional easier, but dang! It's like I can't say anything! She found a broken toy and insisted that I broke it (of course I didn't). It just feels like it is always SOMETHING, ya know? How do you deal with arguing? Or with the "you hate me/you don't like me/you never believe me" remarks? DH thinks I get too emotionally involved, that I just need to blow it off (not the argue problem but her accusations that she is hated) and ignore it. I guess it gets to me more bc I love her so much and I do so much for her/with her and I just want her to feel that my love and have a happy childhood.

Yeah Michael is huffing and puffing a ton and gets this weird contorted look on his face. The moment that I tell him that his behavior is not okay and that I would like him to either turn off the video games or take a time out he yells "Nooooo" and starts crying his eyes out. Blaming his Dec 07 brother has been a HUGE thing lately too. I just thought his behavior was changing because we just had a baby, maybe its a mix of that and an age change.

I thought it was just my DS who is talking back. I wasn't allowed to talk back to my parents. Parenting is hard and I am afraid it is only going to get harder as the years go by. With me it's always"But mom" after everything thing I say to him. He always has to have the last word. We continue to talk to him for talking back. He argues with his baby brother(6) all the time. He has shown improvement this summer with thinking before he speaks. We try to listen to his side of the story but he is the type of kid who is thinking of his rebuttal while me or DH are talking or disciplining him. I miss the preschool days too @ karleesmommy1

First, her emotional rollercoaster. Whenever my kids get "emotionally disobedient" (i.e. irritable, grumpy, rude, fits, etc.) early bedtime is always a part of the consequence. Chances are they do need the extra sleep. If they don't, then it's a great punishment and can teach them to control their attitude when upset.

Second, arguing. It takes two. If you stop arguing, so will she. I usually insist on a "Yes, Momma" when they get argumentative. As in "Stop arguing with me & just say "yes, momma"!" As long as you keep arguing, they win the subject. She's initiating the argument & you're submitting. Overall, I don't punish arguing, I just refuse to do it. However, if I felt like a punishment was required it would be writing sentences.

A comment about the "you hate me..." manipulation. When she starts trying to manipulate you, just state the fact & get on with the true subject at hand. Know that she says these things because she knows it will change the subject. Chances are she's not deep enough, yet, to know it hurts you. She's simply using a proven tactic to delay what she doesn't want. State the fact of your devotion in 1 sentence & get back to the subject at hand..."I'm the best friend you ever had!"..."No one loves you more than I!"...'It's because I believe in you that I..."..."It's because I love you so much that I expect..."

momma2kevin you are right on. I think sometimes I try to explain things too much, and that keeps the arguement going. We have done the early bedtime, I tell her that ____ (whining, complaining..) tells me that she needs more sleep". When she says "you hate me" I usually respond with "if I hated you I wouldn't care if you _____", but I do need to leave it at that instead of dragging it out more.

Oh my goodness.. when have you all met my daughter? Seriously she is getting worse. I can't seem to get her to listen and follow the "rules". Its amazing she will do what is right at school but at home.. nope.
And then add in her 19 month old brother.. oh yeah its a constant fight everyday! (All day long)
I knew it wasn't going to be easy being 6 yrs apart, but dang I never imagined it this bad.

I am sorry that others are dealing with this but also relieved that she isn't the only one doing these things! A friend yesterday told me about her neice who is having a lot of emotional outbursts, perhaps it is just this age? I keep trying to remember what I was like at 7 1/2 years old, I don't remember having these issues, but kids often remember things differently so maybe that is why!