Friday, January 6, 2012

BSNYC Friday Juice Box!

As I mentioned on Monday, this is it--the final day of 2012, and indeed of the entire world. I don't know about you, but I had a pretty good time. Highlights for me included being born, watching movies, and this really good sandwich I had one time. Kind of a bummer it had to end this way, but at least I never made much of an effort anyway.

Speaking of effort, as cyclists we are fortunate to have many advocates who work tirelessly to make the world a better place for bikes. However, the problem with advocacy is that the very people who need to be convinced of cycling's legitimacy are also the sorts of people who find bicycle advocates whiny and annoying and therefore automatically dismiss anything they say.

This is especially a problem in New York. Consider, for example, David Byrne. For all my ribbing, I certainly recognize David Byrne's talent, and I also respect the fact that he is an outspoken proponent of the "bi-keen." At the same time, if you're not among the Public Bikes-riding, Bern helmet-wearing, concert-in-the-park-attending set who still carry drivers licenses from their home states and who call cycling "bi-keen," I can see how you might have a difficult time relating to him. (I know I do.)

For this reason, I've long felt that New York City needs a more proletarian cycling advocate. Someone from outside the "Gentri-verse." Someone who seems like he was born here. Someone who does own a car, and who also looks like he could work the door at a strip club. Well, we may have found that in Vincent Ferrari:

Ferrari recently made a video in which he shows 41 cars in a 25-minute period blowing through the stop sign in his Bronx neighborhood, and then goes on to blast the city's treatment of cyclists. Needless to say, the local Smugerati are positively ecstatic that someone who looks like the kind of person who usually tries to run them over is actually taking their side. Here is that video:

Of course, while Vincent Ferrari's message is fundamentally sound, his advocacy work does show room for improvement. Here are just a few examples:

--Though upset about people disobeying the stop sign, he doesn't actually stop at it completely himself;

--The incriminating footage of the other drivers is speeded up in old-timey silent comedy movie fashion, which makes it almost impossible to see what they're doing;

--He tends to ramble a bit, and sounds surprisingly kvetchy for a big guy named Ferrari;

--He thinks it's silly to ticket drivers for talking on cellphones, which is just as illegal as blowing a stop sign;

--He's talking about safety while driving around and making a movie of himself (this would explain his position on the previous item) and I kept expecting a body to roll onto his hood.

Nevertheless, Ferrari's common sense coupled with his undeniable appeal to the widely influential heavyset-bald-guys-who-own-cars-and-wear-wraparound-sunglasses demographic could very well make him the working man's David Byrne. He's got my vote, anyway. Sure, his video is a bit inconsistent and somewhat irresponsible, but maybe that's just what we need.

If you think about it, it actually makes a lot more sense to put a diamond in your mouth than it does to put one in your ear. An earring can fall out anywhere, but if you lose a diamond on your tooth you're sure to find it again--all you need is a day or two, a pair of rubber gloves, and a prominent note above the toilet reminding your roommates not to flush.

Now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right then wow, and if you're wrong you'll see cosmic cycling.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and may you find a diamond in your stool tomorrow morning.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

("Check please.")

1) Sprinter Mark Cavendish may have missed an out-of-competition doping test because he was stuck in:

I'll be glad when gas is a hundred effing $s a gallon. Then we'll all ride bikes safely (at least when there are no hill-bombers on fixies around) or get jobs driving pedicabs. No more unemployment, and David Byrne will have to find something else to be smug about.

"For this reason, I've long felt that New York City needs a more proletarian cycling advocate. Someone from outside the "Gentri-verse." Someone who seems like he was born here. Someone who does own a car, and who also looks like he could work the door at a strip club."

anonymous @1:20 Looks like the Fred was predicted a VERY long time ago.

Actually, evidence of Freds has been found as far back as 160,000 years (known as the Avocene era). In a cave in Ethopia, for example, the remnants of a portly male were found shod with SPD sandals and wearing a Primal Dark Side of the Moon-themed penis gourd. Nearby were found 10 unused Dura-Ace spear points arranged in order of weight and what many claim to be a crude training diary smeared on the cave wall with Assos chammy cream.

...so first off, i wake up & it IS saturday & i'm a little groggy but i'm thinkin' - "...huh...what the fuck...i thought bsnyc/rtms/wcrm said.........ohhh, geez, never mind..."...

...so then, still groggy, i got the rubber gloves on, i'm goin' through the 'morning waste' & suddenly it dawns on me - "...hey...wait a minute...i never had a fucking diamond to begin with so this is.........ohhh, geez, never mind..."...

Anyone see the streaker at the end of the Belgian Cyclocross Championships?He jumped onto the course right as Sven was rounding the corner. Big security guy bear hugged him and wrestled him into the corner.Hi-larious.

Nevertheless, Ferrari's common sense coupled with his undeniable appeal to the widely influential heavyset-bald-guys-who-own-cars-and-wear-wraparound-sunglasses demographic could very well make him the working man's David Byrne.

About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!