While you should always have the drive to improve yourself, it’s also important to accept and love yourself the way you are. Unfortunately, self-love is a true talent for some people to master. If you stop and look in the mirror only to notice that you can’t stop thinking negative thoughts about yourself, it’s a good sign that you need to work on the art of self-love.

So how do you stop the hate and start the love? Pick the Brain has some great tips on mastering this important skill, including:

Find your core set of values and don’t waver from those.

I hated myself the most when I moved toward what I knew was not coming from my true self. I compromised myself. I don’t do that anymore.

Stop surrounding yourself with people whose words and actions are toxic.

I actually did this by moving to Colorado. I took a sabbatical from toxic relationships and instead surrounded myself with the beauty of the mountains. It doesn’t have to be that drastic, just don’t allow others to steal your beauty.

Take care of your body.

My body has been good to me, it gave me three children, and it allows me to run, to live and to enjoy the comfort of a lover. So, how did I thank my body? By filling it with stuff that was detrimental to my health. Now I love my body by eating right and exercising. I lost weight and stopped drinking to excess.

Find the ways of working or living that you enjoy and do those.

I quit a fairly high paying job, with great benefits and started working for myself. The job was killing me and it was not the reason I went into my field. I was compromising a value for more money and a better title. Yes, it’s scary. Even though I stress more over money I am so much happier aligning my true self with my career.

Make good decisions.

I am a slow processor. My need to mull things over before making decisions was something I didn’t truly understand. Instead of being able to say, “I need some time to think about that,” I would make a hasty decision. Many times I had to try and take back the decisions, making me appear indecisive. I would be so angry at myself for the dumb things I did! My decisions now are becoming more thoughtful and deliberate.

Speak to yourself gently and with kind intentions.

Use your words toward yourself with the utmost care and consideration. Speak to yourself as if you were speaking to a close friend in a time of need.

By following these, I will eventually be able to master self-love and be a happier person as a result. My journey to self-love took a year. It’s not always easy. Be patient and kind to yourself during this time. When you mess up, forgive yourself. When you fall, get back up. Most importantly, practice loving yourself as you move through this process. Soon the art of self-love will be automatic.

Flirting is an expression of the vibes, feelings and interaction between two people who are fully engaged, totally present and completely enthralled in any given moment. There are many kinds of flirting. The ‘first meet’ is where I take you into the field of flirting with a few of my own simple tips and insights that will bring out the flirt in you.

Here are the 11 flirting tips:

Make Eye Contact

I do not encourage winking because it’s rather cheesy. It’s the looking of the gaze that will melt you away and bring out your flirtatious nature and it hints if the other person is feeling you.

Smile

Let your smile naturally fill your organs and your entire body, making all of you beam a radiant smile at your target. After the gaze and the smile, gently return your attention to the moment, your moment.

Move Your Body

When your eyes make contact and your lips turn up into a crescent moon smile, your body will follow and do its own dance. Get out of your mind and into your body.

Speak up

I love complimenting a man on what’s organic about him, like his features, his eyes, his smile, or the way he expresses through his hair. I think if you went for the lips or his buns it may turn up the flame a bit too high and too quick. You don’t want that, you want to be subtle. Remember less is more.

Introduce yourself or maintain the mystery.

For me, I have a flirt name and then there’s my real name. I choose according to the situation. If you choose to remain a mystery, then refrain from giving your name. Make them work a bit harder to get you to tell your name. Then when you decide to tell your name, whisper it in their ear.

Ignite a conversation.

You both should be in close proximity by now, hopefully a few inches apart and of course, not yelling across a room or a street. Find some common grounds with this person.

Be Mindful of Body Cues.

Pay attention to your body and how you feel. Looks can be deceiving but your body knows.

Break the touch barrier.

More times than not, it may be perfectly okay to initiate touch. And I don’t mean in an overly insinuating way nor clumsy way like falling or tripping over something or your crush, but more so in a safe and slightly conveying way.

Keep it short & sweet!

To keep demand up, the supply must be scarce. Keep the sensual brush with human nature short and brief.

Wrap it up!

If there was a click then perhaps you two can meet up for a date. An event, or gathering or anything that is open and public would be a good start

Play of the Law of Attraction.

The law of attraction is a component of the game of flirting. And it derives from what appears to be a natural order.

The truth is, flirting is an art. And like art, it can be mastered and so, try to practice these things and I can guarantee you can master the art of seduction.

Back in college, I was more of “that girl who doesn’t like anybody”. I mean, I like my friends. I like hanging out and talking with people. To be honest, I love people who could understand what I could say immediately. I had many guy and women friends. We all had a great time with each other.

There never came a time that I entertained the idea of dating. In fact, the farthest thing on my mind during that time was to be a dating guru. All I knew to do at that time was to paint. I loved painting, it always soothed my soul.

Then there was this new guy who couldn’t paint for his own life, but he was so interested in it so it inspired me to show him the ropes. He was attentive and he picked up quite quickly to my surprise. He wasn’t much of a painter yet, but he’s got the focus and skills.

To thank me for my efforts on him, he asked me out on a date. I didn’t know how to react. I just said yes and went there, looking like I just came out of the art room (which was true at that time). For my readers, I do know I don’t have any dating etiquette or anything. It hurts to say that but that is the truth.

I looked embarrassed because he was to introduce me to his friends, who were double-dating with me. They were dressed equally nice and I was wearing a little paint-stricken shirt. I couldn’t concentrate on the things he was saying. Right after the date, he told me that it went alright. But soon enough, communication with him disappeared.

I don’t blame him though. But to this day, I wish I did better during that time. It was around that moment I researched about dating. I researched about speaking, about how to dress myself up. About the proper grooming and etiquette that comes with participating in sophisticated engagements.

No, I wasn’t about to go all-politics with this one particularly for those women raising the bar telling me that he should accept me for what I look like. Girls, we all know this is just an excuse so that we could go do whatever we want and we reprimand him when his efforts for us seem lacking. We all know this and we know it’s all crap.

We want to look good for him. We want to show him our great side. We want to give him a reason to stay with us; to love us. Even if some elitist or purist said true love does not look on the outside, the truth is everyone looks at our appearance and judges us for it. Even if our date or partner tells us that they wil love us no matter how we look like, we want to show them that we look the best we can be because we want to look the best for them.

Feminism or individuality, dating is all about that. It’s all about showing great effort from the start. It’s all about understanding what matters and how much effort you give to the person that you’re giving a chance to be part of your life.

The first date is a tricky thing, at least if you’re not 21 years old anymore and can’t get away with drinking heavily in a loud nightclub until you’ve built up enough courage to make a move. So for that reason alone, here are 10 possibilities for grown-ups.

The Spectacular

Hot-air ballooning isn’t cheap, but it will certainly impress. If heights aren’t your thing, a river cruise should go down well, and they’ll have a nice cosy bar if the weather’s chilly.

The Classy Pub Crawler

Walks are always a good date, at least if the weather holds, and everyone likes a good old-fashioned pub. One route that combines both would be to walk across Oxford’s Port Meadow from the famous old Perch pub, finishing with a late lunch or early supper at the magnificently situated Trout in Wolvercote.

The Obvious

I almost didn’t include this because it’s such a cliché, but if you’re in London, go on the London Eye. It’s an amazing experience, it’s not too pricey, and the view is breath-taking.

The Sightseer

The great thing about Britain is you are never more than an hour or so from something quite impressive. Honestly. I’ve arbitrarily picked Edinburgh Castle as an example, but I could go to both of Liverpool’s cathedrals on either end of Hope Street, or pretty much anywhere in London, or Oxford, or Cambridge, or Kent, or Canterbury, or Chester, or anywhere, really.

The Adventurer

Is the date the sporty type? Can you keep up with them if so? Why not try an afternoon rock-climbing or abseiling, or perhaps going sailing, if it’s a nice day. Other suggestions have included pot-holing, but we would say it’s not what a nice girl does on a first date. Sky-diving is also an option, but very pricey, and make sure they’ve got a head and stomach for heights first.

The Wine Buff

Gordon’s Wine Bar in London’s Charing Cross is cramped, busy and you may have to wait ages for a table at busy times, but it is atmospheric, cosy, and romantic.

The Foodie

Just pick a favourite and make sure it’s an appropriate budget. Call me old-fashioned, but on a first date, I think it’s nice if the chap picks up the tab: others will disagree, obviously. Don’t force the issue either way.

The Animal Lover

I’m aware I’m being quite London-centric, but London Zoo is genuinely amazing: the reptile house is particularly impressive, although it might not have the cute-factor that will get hearts melting. Alternatively, do also try an aquarium: London’s, again, is astonishing if crowded, while the Blue Reef in Portsmouth is very impressive.

The Art Lover

Is he quite the arty type? While whispering your way around a gallery isn’t everyone’s idea of fun, it gives you an obvious talking point if you can both appreciate it.

The Culture Vulture

I know how bad cinemas are for first dates when I’m not 15 anymore? The theatre, sadly, is just grown-up cinema. It doesn’t matter how brilliant Tom Stoppard’s dialogue is, my date and I can’t talk to each other for three hours, so we won’t get to know each other. If you want culture, try late-night openings at a museum: the British Museum is open until 8:30pm on Thursdays and Fridays, and its lovely Great Court restaurant is open late those nights as well.

These are just some of the top venues that I believe are fun for dating. There are still many more wonderful venues in London, try to explore them!

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Hi, I’m Whitney Rae

Like you, I didn't know much about dating until someone actually took me seriously. This blog is dedicated to helping you find yourself and establish your own personality to yourself to help you make the best off of your date!