The National Institute of Scientific Research in Brussels has identified global warming to be a significant contributor to erectile dysfunction. Dr. Alfvin Schwartz, chief of the study, said:

The evidence is clear! All statistics confirm it, but most scientists would not believe it. However, the data is irrefutable. Global warming makes it go numb! There is no other way to say it.

In related bad news, the Subcommittee on Food Sustainability and Safety, responsible under the Department of Agriculture and Health and Human Services, is drafting the 2015 U.S. Dietary Guidelines that include concerns for saving the planet.