Let it be noted that the elvish look is extremely popular with young women. Young women will often go to great trouble and expense to dress up in revealing elf costumes and display themselves before crowds of photographers. All human beings love positive attention, but girls of marriageable age are particularly addicted to it.

Weddings are increasingly unaffordable in the current depression, and cosplay satisfies many of the same cravings as a bride-centered wedding party. Some weddings are even conducted in costume.

Conceptualized by event designer Tricia Fountaine and photographed by Elizabeth Messina, A Royal Faeirie and Elf Wedding photoshoot is every little girl’s fairytale fantasy realized. Set in an enchanted forest, every aspect of this shoot is outstanding: the dresses, head pieces, decor, makeup,

owls

… So perfectly dreamy.

Wait … owls? Those vicious, carnivorous hunting birds who fly silently, see in the dark, and can rip a man’s hand off? Little girls dream about having owls as guests at their weddings?

Well, they couldn’t possibly be crazy enough to actually have one of those vicious, bloodthirsty predators on their wrists, right?
For God’s sake, man, that’s a blood-drinking predator THAT CAN FLY? And you’re just looking macho and bored? Have you got nerves of steel or brains of custard?

Okay, the “Gypsy” one doesn’t count as traditionally White, but the Elves, Fairies, and Fairy Tale Princesses indicate that the White Center Of Gravity (i.e. White Women) are willing to devote considerable resources to myth.

There are real, live people who get married like this. Think about how much money a fancy wedding costs. These people are spending that much money to look like ELVES.

Why is this White? Recall that Evola said that aristocrats are always looking upward. Well, these married elves are looking upward too. Clearly they’ve been reading Evola. And Tolkien.

Now, the elvish look doesn’t require a lot of preparation if you’re just going to stand there.

If you’re just going to stand there and let everyone admire your finely chiseled cheeks and lustrous, flowing hair, lots of people can do the elf look.

But, as with anything else in life, the problems become evident as soon as one translates the idea into action. Helpful hint #1: Make sure your hair is serious elfin hair. Elves should never look like they have to go to the office on Monday morning. On the positive side, at least the camera angle makes his ear look pointy.
Also, that lunge pose got high praise from his foil-fencing instructor, but somehow he looks too relaxed for a swordfight and too tense for a photo shoot.

But seriously, young elf warrior, if you’re going to do a photo shoot, at least grow out your hair to a Prince-Valiant-style medieval bob.

You know all the ladies were into Prince Valiant.

So how do we start from the idealized elf image and move forward?

Helpful hint #2: Be as emo as you want to be.

Helpful hint #3: Use your natural assets in a natural way.

Helpful hint #4: But avoid wardrobe malfunctions.

Helpful hint #5: If your skin is white, go pre-Raphaelite.

The sheer weight of Celtic Knots and Nordic Runes was enough to make this Des Moines girl’s ears grow a little bit pointier for Saint Patrick’s Day:

So, yes, we won’t have perfectly leaf-shaped ears immediately…

Now, my readers may ask, do I practice what I preach and dress up as an elf? No. For one thing, I’m usually scruffily unshaven, which might convey “forest dweller” in the sense of “unkempt hermit,” but generally does not convey “bodice-ripping elf.” Mostly due to Tolkien’s descriptions, I don’t see too many elves with beards.

Well, okay, maybe that guy can pull it off, but he’s younger and better-groomed than I am. Anyway, normally, when you think “male elf” you think “strongly chiselled, but clean-shaven,” like this fellow:

Or maybe you think of a young, beardless, fairy-tale knight who wears red feathers:

Because those young fellows, they look like they’re ready for Dionysian frolics with nature spirits. Possibly involving bagpipes.

Maybe a man in top physical condition could wear a beard in the style of Freyr, who was called “king of the elves.”
But it might be necessary to keep a giant boar in your vicinity at all times, so that everyone understood the Freyr theme. I can think of less convenient pets.