MIL driving me *&^^%$&^% crazy!! (long)

My mil decided to leave my husband here in mighigan when he was 16.. My family pretty much took him in and helped him come up. We have been together almost 15 years and married for 6 and she just moved back to MI like two years ago. We are having our first baby in april and it's her 1st grandson. She currently lives with my BIL and he wants her to move out. She wants us to let her move in! ( I know if we do she will never leave.) I don't want to live with her. I don't understand why she can't go get an apartment! She had one before and moved out to help her other son. She just sits around all day smoking cigarettes and watching racing and westerns on tv. I tried to explain to my husband that after the baby comes I do not want to leave him with her (my husband and I work different shifts) and I would feel more comfortable leaving him with my mother (who has had and raised 11 kids and almost 33 grandkids and great grandkids) His mother has not been around an infant or baby since my husband (her baby) was born almost 30 years ago. He said that he would feel better if his mother lived with us and watched the baby while he was here during the day sleeping and that would be able to see him before he went to work. I do not at all feel comfortable with her alone with this baby, She can barely get herself off the couch, what if he is choking or something. She is not going to get to him in time. I am so flustered and angry. I don't hate her I just like her better from afar. Please tell me if I am being irrational or please any advise would be helpful..

Comments (10)

You are not being irrational I feel the same way about mine and she just came to visit for a few days! Thank god she doesn't live with us bc I don't know what id do!! What does your husband think about the situation??

I agree with you. I would NOT wan't my parents nor my in-laws living with us! We have our own family and I LOVE my parents AND in-laws! From the sound of it, without be knowing her, she does not sound like a safe person to leave an infant with! Maybe she could help you or your husband out by helping you with the baby while you get stuff done around the house. I would just sit down and talk to your hubby and tell him how you feel calmly. But you need to put your foot down and keep it there! Tell her she needs to get her own place!

Well, I dont think her living with you is a good option. I dont think it's irrational of you to feel that way. You are adults and dont need anyone's mommy living with you (dirt bag mom or not!) The fact that she's a heavy smoker would be enough reason not to have her around all of the time. If she got her own place and came around for visits, after a while maybe she can prove herself as a worthy caretaker and you would feel comfortable letting her occasionally babysit. I would leave out of the argument that you prefer your mom to babysit because you trust her more, I think that may be why DH is digging in to let his mom do it. Even though she left him, it's still his mom and I'm sure he wants to believe the best of her whether or not she deserves it.

You can only leave your baby with people you are comfortable with period. I personally would not waver on that. Also sometimes you have to put your foot down when it comes to people staying/living with you. it is hard but it comes down to your quality of life day by day and if its going to drive you crazy and be long term it is better to say no then to deal with the problems that will arise if you give in. It could possibly even cause problems between you and your husband with the added stress and that's not what you need during this time when your bringing a new baby into your life which is already enough change to deal with

I know it's hard when your mil treated your dh like crap an then comes around again. The same happened with my dh and it's something well never be able to understand but that will always be his mother no matter what she did. However, that does not mean she has to live with you! When my mil was here she let my daughter eat so many sweets while dh and I were at work and we told her not to and when we got home my child had been puking and continued for most of the night, I was pissed. She also talks to my 3 yr old like she's a baby and we don't do that and she's a smoker too! My child started saying ciggarettes after she left, sigh. I can suffer through a visit for my husbands sake but if she ever wanted to move in with us, heck no!

Bottom line is you're not comfortable with her living with you or caring for your child. You and hubby both have to be comfortable in your home and with who cares for little one while your at work. So, she should NOT be moving in or become a babysitter for you.

When hubby got out of the army we had to move in with my parents. They drove me nuts and they were my own! Our marriage was stressed etc... She can get her own place. As for watching the baby how soon are you going back to work? Plenty of time for that fight later. For now, let her come help out if she is going to. And as pp said prove herself. Then decide. Personally, I know a friend whose mom left her. Came back, and sadly still has taken advantage of her and proved herself not so great. Time and time again. And now she's hurting pretty badly because she lives with her. Instead of helping she hits my friend up for money etc... So make her live elsewhere. After all why does the BIL want her out?