Jon Gruden is said to be meeting today with the University of Miami athletic director to hammer out the details of becoming their next coach, which would be great because it would obviously get him out of the Monday Night Football booth and also make Peter King hilariously wrong yet again.

Allow to execute an preemptive strike against any elation this news may bring. If the Tony Kornheiser debacle taught us anything, it’s that tWWL will only find an announcer, if not quite as annoying overall, at least deeply obnoxious in different ways. Do you not think they will stick Matt Millen in the booth? Is your naivete a warm teddy bear blanket with years-old stains you ignore because each stain carries a memory more important than the warmth the blanket brings? They will put Millen in that booth and you/me/everyone will be powerless to stop them.

At least hopefully they’ll put Steve Young in there so the two can bandy catty comments at each other for three hours.

Join The Discussion

Is this why Drew left us? I can see it now “MNF: Touchdowns and Dick Jokes.” Clearly his commentary on NFL Network’s “Top 10 team Uniforms” sealed him the deal.

12.01.10 at 12:03 pm

Slothrop

They should add Gus Johnson because science proves all his games are awesome.

12.01.10 at 12:06 pm

Upstate Underdog

I’m going to go with a dark horse and say they replace THAT GUY with Golic. He’s a tWWL lifer and he played in the NFL.

12.01.10 at 12:07 pm

Christmas Ape

Golic is basically the same thing as Millen, just without the painful memories for Lions fans.

12.01.10 at 12:10 pm

Slothrop

I have no doubt whatsofreakingever that Simmons is pushing hard to land this job.

12.01.10 at 12:11 pm

The steeler fan in peru

Science help us.

Wheres my meast/least

12.01.10 at 12:13 pm

Otto Man

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again — it’s time for those fatcat scientists to get off their asses and start cloning Gus Johnson.

12.01.10 at 12:24 pm

Gino Tourettsa

Begin the thawing of Jim Nabors.

12.01.10 at 12:25 pm

Spanky Datass

Is it inevitable the tWWL picks a former coach/executive? Shit that’s a sewer of a hiring pool. But if Millen is THE GUY, I agree, Young has to be in the booth as a foil. That ‘high pitched whiney voice’ Millen broke into while Young chuckled is funny-making.

12.01.10 at 12:29 pm

Rev. Dr. E. Buzz Miller

THIS KID right HERE I just recruited, J’Taurius Brashear, he has got one helluva way with the women here on CAMPUS, that’s why I gave him the name Willie the Pimp, because he has at least five kids from five different women. He is THE MAN when it comes to the ladies. Before he turned EIGHTEEN mind you! What an accomplishment.

It will Millen and Theismann with Golic as the sideline reporter, because god hates all of us.

12.01.10 at 1:08 pm

Gino Tourettsa

Are Lisa Guerrero and Eric Dickerson busy these days?

12.01.10 at 1:15 pm

thunderdump

I’d miss the hell out of Gruden. Does he actually annoy people? I guess I am able to just completely tune out annoyances and appreciate his unintentional hilarity

12.01.10 at 1:21 pm

Henne to the Left

I’m pretty sure we’ll all miss THAT GUY if his replacement is horrible.

12.01.10 at 1:22 pm

Tracer Bullet

This is the job Emmitt Smiff was born to do.

12.01.10 at 1:25 pm

Werewolf Bar Mitzvah

Millen has got to be the high percentage pick. He’s hosting/commentating/guest analyzing on ESPN and the NFL network so much that i feel like he’s in debt up to his eyeballs and begging them for work (hopefully due to a gambling or asian massage parlor addicition that becomes hilariously leaked at a later date)

I believe you mean, “This is the jab Emmitt Smiff was burnt to doodoo.”

12.01.10 at 1:34 pm

Chut Up

Jimmy Kimmel

12.01.10 at 1:34 pm

thunderdump

Hopefully whoever they pick will really go out of their way to pander to the lowest common denominator, casual, one game a week fan. I really missed when Kornheiser would be talking about Brett Favre during the last minute of a close Eagles-Giants game

12.01.10 at 1:56 pm

SnowWhiteDrifter

Gotta Be GUS!

12.01.10 at 1:59 pm

FavreFAIL

Bring back Dennis Miller!

/too early to start drinking?

12.01.10 at 2:02 pm

Fat Polamalu is my idol

Knowing the ass hats at ESPN, it’ll be Colin Cowherd.

12.01.10 at 2:08 pm

Reggie Bush's Pimp

Do not think they will stick Matt Millen in the booth?

Fuck you for what you did!

12.01.10 at 2:10 pm

PackersRS

If there’s a God it’ll be Ines Sainz on the sidelines.

12.01.10 at 2:14 pm

ThePirateSloth

What if they just gave the booth to Bob Eucher?

“Rivers pass…. juuuuuuuuuuuust a bit outside”

12.01.10 at 2:17 pm

Drunk Gazelle

Guys, ESPN just said in a press release it will be Leslie Niels….. too soon?

There’s only one true choice: Barkley. Why Chuck is somehow limited to NBA games is completely beyond me.

12.01.10 at 4:06 pm

mick

I say it is high time we put a woman in the booth. And that woman needs to be none other than Sophia Vergara. #1 Because she has a cool accent. #2 Because she knows as much about football as Tony Kornhieser and they tried him. #3 Because she has GIANT SPANISH BOOBIES !!!

12.01.10 at 4:19 pm

City of Industry Football Corporation

As much as I hate Gruden, I fear the unknown guy who would replace him. Gruden is so bad that he has become his own meme. Some other bloke, no matter how bad he is, will take at least a season for us to understand just why they annoy us so bad and become his own meme.

12.01.10 at 4:20 pm

Kevin

Please, God, let Gruden get the job. The fact that Mike Stoops is even being rumored to go to Miami makes me nervous. I don’t want us to lose STOOOOOOOOOOOOPS.

12.01.10 at 4:26 pm

Henne to the Left

Charles Barkley would be great… in theory. Don’t know if I could handle him every week. Is a breath of fresh air still fresh if you’re getting it all the time?

Millen makes me want to suck a shotgun for real, no way he can be allowed to ruin my Monday nights.

I’d sign the petition to get Rice in there….

12.01.10 at 6:23 pm

Rex Ryan's Long Lost Penis

@Otto Man Don’t think I didn’t catch that one ;)

12.01.10 at 7:06 pm

thunderdump

I just had a hellish vision of Jaws staring hatefully at Herm Edwards during the Herminator’s his nonsensical opening monologue

Herm did some preseason games on Eagles Television Network and it was actually worse than you’d imagine

12.01.10 at 9:26 pm

Tolbert Nation

Surprised no one mentioned Herm Edwards until a comment ago.

12.01.10 at 10:09 pm

nyccine

Would Millen really be *that* bad? I mean, not as in being a shitty commentator – that’s a given – but as an endless source of amusement? I, for one, would be tripping balls every time that clown opened his mouth.

12.02.10 at 12:45 am

TheImpossibleMan

What a surprise, Matt Millen is a petty dickhead that can’t get along with anyone.