A day in the life of a Goblin Smithy and his adventures through Vana'diel. He'll laugh, he'll cry, he'll get stabbed to death by six people...
It's a metaphor really.
For getting stabbed.
A lot.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Smithy Attempts To Get Arrested - Vol. 1

Okay, if there was ever a mission I was born for, it was this one.

I mean, I kill people on a regular basis. And occasionally on an irregular basis.

Sometimes a down right obscene basis.

Getting sent to jail should be a piece of cake.

Now, I didn't want too much trouble. I simply wanted to get arrested and thrown in jail. No messing around with due process or rights or anything.

I needed to find a bunch of people that were big and stupid.

So, I'm in Bastok...

I figure the easiest way for me to get sent to jail is to just kill somebody. Like my dad always used to say, go with your strengths.

Hmmm... Who can I kill?

Hey, look. A Taru named Shorty.

If that doesn't deserve a knife to the trachea, I don't know what does.

I quietly snuck behind the fountain. Then, I slid up behind a Galka NPC. He'll never see me coming.

Wait...

I'm trying to get caught.

Kind of takes all the fun out of homicide, but whatever. I just walk up and stab the guy in the face.

As soon as he hit the ground, the entire area went apeshit.

Perfect. I'll be in jail before lunch.

A Galka stepped up to me. He was clearly in shock.

Player1>> Holy shit!Player1>> What happened?!Player2>> I don't know.Player2>> I think he's dead.Player1>> Obviously, he's dead.Player1>> He's laying in the middle of the street.Player1>> I don't think that was in question.Player3>> You did say "What happened?!"Player3>> Technically, it suggests you don't know anything.Player1>> Yeah, but we can assume I'd know he was dead.Player1>> People don't just lie down in the street.Player2>> I couldn't make that assumption.Player3>> Honestly, I can see it going either way.Player3>> Perhaps we should agree to disagree.Player1>> I suppose we could do that.

I'm not exactly known for patience.

GoblinSmithy>> Doesn't anyone care how he died?Player1>> Not really.Player3>> I can't say I do.Player2>> He's a Taru.Player2>> Maybe someone sneezed on him.Player3>> Maybe he equipped an Astral Ring.Player1>> I still think him being dead can be accepted as a given.Player3>> You made an assumption.Player3>> As such, you have to accept that it may be false.GoblinSmithy>> OH COME ON!GoblinSmithy>> HE'S DEAD!Player2>> Shhhh. We're talking.Player2>> Now, I answered the question you asked.Player2>> There was no spoken clarification.Player1>> That's beside the point.

Dammit.

I wanted stupid people, not functionally retarded people.

It's not like I'm enjoying this.

Okay... I did kind of enjoy the stabbing.

Who doesn't?

Still, I don't exactly have all day, so I took matters into my own hands.

Except replace "took" with "put".

And "matters" with "my sword".

And "my own hands" with "the Galka's neck".

Now, I'll get to jail.

Player3>> What happened to him?!Player2>> He's dead.Player3>> Of course he's dead.Player3>> He fell down.Player2>> But you asked what happened.Player3>> Actually, I asked what happened to him.Player3>> That suggests I was asking about the cause.Player3>> Not the result.Player2>> Now, you're just playing semantics.GoblinSmithy>> SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!GoblinSmithy>> Doesn't anyone care how he died?!Player3>> Oh, that...Player3>> That happens all the time.Player2>> Yeah.Player2>> He probably forgot to breathe.Player2>> He is a Galka, you know.Player3>> Was.Player2>> What?Player3>> He was a Galka.Player3>> Not is.Player2>> The past tense is implied.Player2>> We both know he's dead.Player3>> I don't argue thatit's implied.GoblinSmithy>> SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!!!GoblinSmithy>> I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU!!!Player2>> Woah, woah, woah.Player3>> What's your problem?GoblinSmithy>> Whoever talks next gets a knife in the eye.Player3>> Whomever.GoblinSmithy>> GRRRAAAAUGGHHHHHHHH!!!

By the time I was done, there was no one left to arrest me.

And because of this stupidity, Pathfinder has to spend another day in prison getting beaten and abused.