Author
Topic: Please don't tell me to smile. (Read 84208 times)

I had gotten in the habit of stopping at a particular gas station on my way to work, to get a cup of coffee. (I can't make good coffee at home. I've given up.) Almost every day, the same cashier is there, and there is a man who hangs out in the store and talks to her. Frequently, he has something to say to me when I come up to the register. It would be fine if he were saying, "Good morning," but it's usually along the lines of, "Smile!" or "Aren't you excited to go to work?" or some version of him telling me to smile.

Now, I do offer the cashier a polite smile and a greeting, but I don't think I'm required to walk around grinning all the time. I struggle with depression and mornings are often very difficult for me. I do my best. It's not like I'm scowling at anyone, but a blank expression is all I can manage on some days.

Usually, I give him no response other than a brief, nervous smile. But that isn't going to stop his comments. Last week, he outright stared at me without saying anything. I glanced up at him, and he continued to stare openly. I haven't been back to the gas station since then. The problem is that it's the only place that's convenient for me to get a cup of coffee on my way to work.

I don't know what to say. I'm certainly not going to explain to a complete stranger why I don't look happy. And I really didn't know what to say to the staring. Help?

You sound like me. I don't wake up (really wake up) till around 12N and my body/face reflect that. Corny, I know, but I think if it were me, I would fight this one with humor: "I AM smiling. You don't like my smile?" Because it sounds like you're gonna have to "live" with this guy during your coffee run, and the sooner you 2 reach common ground, the better...

I hate it when vendors get conversational in the morning. The guys at the gas station I went to used to ask for the location of my office and notice when I varied my method of payment ("No credit card this morning, eh?") I wish there was a polite way to say "Look, just serve me my dang coffee."

Oh, big pet peeve of mine too! One guy at a large chain taco joint had a real reputation for that. One day he even refused to give me my order until I did. Excuse me?? My blood sugar was a little low, so I wasn't in the jolliest of moods to begin with; I snarled, "I left it in my other pants!", and drove off with my order while he stood at the window making gaping goldfish faces.

Recently DH and I were in a meeting for the closing on the selling of our old house. My realtor's boss (also a realtor we had met a handful of times) looked at me and said "Smile, aren't you happy you just sold your house? You look like a deer in headlights." He said this in front of a room full of people. I find people saying this to be very condescending. Just for the record, DH was with me and he also wasn't smiling, but the realtor's boss did not tell him he needed to smile or he looked like a deer in headlights. Hmm. In my experience it has only been men who have said this to me. I hate feeling like my facial expressions are being analyzed and when somebody says this to me, it seems obvious they don't respect me as an equal. When I get these comments, I tend to just have my face relaxed in a 'normal' expression and am not pouting, angry, or frowning (and even if I was, nobody has the right to tell me to smile).

So what do we say when people tell us to smile? I feel like saying "Why would I want to do that?" would elicit a response of "Because it's a great day!" or something along those lines. We need a polite phrase for this one!

So what do we say when people tell us to smile? I feel like saying "Why would I want to do that?" would elicit a response of "Because it's a great day!" or something along those lines. We need a polite phrase for this one!

So what do we say when people tell us to smile? I feel like saying "Why would I want to do that?" would elicit a response of "Because it's a great day!" or something along those lines. We need a polite phrase for this one!