Kim DePaola

Alright kiddos, so Real Housewives of New Jersey happened so let's all take a break from bashing our heads against the wall to read this recap. I personally would rather go through another drug-free labor than spend one more minute on the Teresa Giudice vs. Melissa Gorga mess, but hey – duty calls. Oh – and in case you haven't heard I had a baby this week! Word to the wise: try to get to the hospital in a timely manner, right Melissa?!!

Last night Teresa and Melissa put forth another round of she-said/she-said; bobbing and weaving around the ring like two drag queens in a RuPaul's Drag Race boxing challenge. Except the fashionably challenged version! It was sparkly leopard print verbal uppercut blocked by spray-tanned orange fauxmarble encrusted sucker punch. And a low-brow duck followed by a high-brow weave and spin. Before we knew it, fur was flying and Caroline Manzo's front yard petting zoo had died in vain over more of Teresa and Melissa's nonsense.

Since we're talking boxing – things begin in a gym. Apparently all of Franklin Lakes and its surrounding lower echelon suburbs go to the same gym and NONE of them knew it! Just imagine… no awkward collisions at the lowfat banana smoothie bar ever occurred! Who would believe it?!

Teresa Giudicecelebrated Gia's birthday back in January and the photos seemed to tell the story of a scuffle between Teresa and sister-in-law Melissa Gorga. We now know that the argument is over Teresa and Joey's father, Giacinto Gorga. Papa Gorga was hospitalized back in November and Teresa is "interrogizing" Melissa about if and when she paid a visit to her father-in-law. Melissa swears she's visited him soon after, but Teresa insists it wasn't until four days later. Melissa then adds in that she waited because of a sore throat. They can't even agree on what day Papa G was admitted. Let the petty shenanigans of season 5 begin!

In her first installment, Kim talks about her friendships with both Teresa Giudice and Jacqueline Laurita, and of course hints at some major upcoming drama. Yay!

"At the beginning of last year my mother was diagnosed very suddenly with lung cancer. It was one of the hardest times in my life I have ever had to go through. Both Teresa and Jacqueline were there for me every step of the way during that horrible period," Kim begins.

On last night's episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey the Gorgadice battle continued, although the small beginnings of a peace treaty seemed to have been forged. Maybe…

Things begin in Casa de Giudice. Teresa Giudice is cooking while wrangling four screaming girls. Apparently there is some confustion (Teresa tawk) about who is actually the mama because while Milania is playing on the stove terrorizing some peppers, Gia is lecturing her about safety. Teresa meanwhile is flitting around in full hair and makeup yelling, "O.M.G!"

Teresa says she always reminds her girls to stick together and not end up married to men their siblings hate. Then she gives them a lecture on table manners. 1) Like, don't scream 'prostitution whore' unless the person really is a prostitution whore and has been engaged like 19 times! Like O.M.G!

The event was held last night at Il Tulipano in Wayne, New Jersey and featured a mini fashion show, as well as Kim D showing off her Cuffs by Kim D line and the soiree was brought to life with music by DJ Cruze.

What happens in Jersey certainly doesn't stay in Jersey, especially when it involves anyone from the Real Housewives of New Jersey! The big news of late with these people is a recent brawl at a Posche event. Has Kim D. considered getting corporate sponsors for these fights? She may as well get some extra money for this insanity, right?