Thursday, September 8, 2011

Over the weekend in addition to Red State, The Editor and I also sat down and watched Thor. My thoughts? The movie was disappointing at worst and wildly mediocre at best. I'm going to preface this by saying that everyone I know personally told me that it was a great movie. I really need to stop getting my hopes up about movies. Or at very least stop listening to my friends.

I was expecting this movie to be much more substantial than it was. I was totally enjoying hanging out in Asgard, but then Thor had to turn into a total douche and get banished to Earth. Thank God Natalie Portman was there to save the day! I was loving the fact that she was hysterical when he left to go back to Asgard, and that she's working on a way to bring him back to Earth. You knew the guy for like, 12 hours, and for all you knew he was a homeless schitzo. Behavior like that merits at least a little under the bra action.You guys didn't even get to second base.

I guess what it came down to was the fact that Thor was basically every guy I dated up until I was 23 or 24. The pretty guy who was popular in high school who still thinks he's hot shit 10 years after the fact, did whatever the Hell he wanted to do and treated me like I was an idiot. Yet, when I banished him from my life that's when he was sorry. Well, fuck you Thor, you're kind of a dick.

I also liked when he went back to Asgard and was all "Oh Loki, I've changed, please believe me!". Loki isn't falling for that shit. Loki is a trickster. He will not be fooled that easily. Also, at what point did Thor change? When the chick he knew for five minutes looked into his eyes? Or when he saw the garbage incinerator monster destroying the town? I mean, you can be upset about the town getting attacked, but you kinda did the same thing to the Frost Giants, amiright? Then you expect the King Frost Giant to just be like "No worries, it's all good. It's no big deal that you killed a bunch of my people and came into my realm and started a war. Whatev.". Life doesn't work that way.

I get it, Thor was one of those movies where I wasn't supposed to think. I was supposed to shut off my brain and just enjoy it. I was thinking way too much about it, and for that I apologize. I have yet to watch Captain America, but I'm pretty sure I'll like that better.From what I understand it's more or less a period piece, and it's the classic underdog story, as opposed to Thor where you start out as a douche, and end up as a slightly less douchey douche.

I guess I just don't really care about Thor as a character. Never have, probably never will. I suppose that's where the disconnect comes from. I'm also slightly bitter that he scored a part in The Avengers, but my beloved Ms. Marvel was left out in the cold.

I understand where people would like the movie. I'm not saying I didn't enjoy it, I just wanted a little more substance behind it. My favorite part about the movie (besides looking at how beautiful the computer generated Asgard and Bifrost Bridge) was muttering "As you wiiiiiiiiish..." to The Editor every time Fandral came on the screen. That goatee brought back so many great childhood memories...

I am not the dread pirate Roberts

I know Evan T. is going to be pissed about my assessment, but to that I say, we're all entitled to our own opinion. However, I think at the end of the day we can both agree that Sif is pretty hot.