Shell: “Stupid always changing rules.”

Originally Published: 8/1/00 . 33 pages

Synopsis
It’s Lark’s team versus Shell’s team in a baseball game for the ages! Rules are made to be broken…right?

Ramble Milestones
Nothing this time.

I think this ramble is cute, and it definitely has some classic stuff – the ever changing rule book for one, and the sudden appearance of Odin is another. I can’t go as far as saying that this ramble is one of the best early rambles, but I would say it’s one of the better ones.

(Lark sits in the ramble room by herself, smiling as she writes something on two separate pieces of paper. shell enters, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.)

Lark: “I watched it myself. I got an idea….”

Shell: “I already told you it would be a bad idea to have the FF guys fly mobile suits. All you need to do is give Sephiroth another weapon of mass destruction and–“

Lark: “No! I was watching the baseball game before the episode, and I got an idea from *that*.”

Shell: “Oh. Did the Yankees win?”

Lark: “Of course! But don’t you wanna know my idea?”

Shell: “Not really.”

Lark: “Shell!”

Shell: “Fine! What is it?”

Lark: “I think it would be fun to play some friendly baseball with our FF friends. You could be one captain and I could be the other, and after some practice we could have a big game and play each other!”

Shell: *looks unsure* “I don’t know…”

Lark: “Whatever.”

(the next day….lark and shell meet in the mini stadium they found at a nearby park /hey, it’s my ramble, I can do what I want!/ lark meets with her team on one side of the field, and shell meets with her team on the other side…)

Zell: “Yeah! Baseball! We’re gonna kick some *ass*! Right, Squall?”

Squall: “Whatever….why’s Rinoa on the other team?”

Zell: “I don’t know, man. Why don’t you ask Lark?”

Squall: “Lark, why’s Rinoa on the other team?”

Lark: *sighs* “Squall, I took all the people I thought would be good for this team, and all the leftover people went on the other team.”

Barret: “Yo! Why’s the stinkin’ catdog on our team!?”

Red: “Excuse me?”

Cid: “@#$%&!”

Lark: “Quiet, you! There’s nothing I hate more than people dissin’ their own team members!”

Twilight: “You made a good choice putting me on this team, Lark. I rock at everything.”

Seifer: “You don’t rock half as much as me!”

Twilight: “You wanna bet, buddy?” *raises fist*

Lark: “No fighting your team members either!”

Sephiroth: “I love competitions.” *evil smile*

Elena: *hanging off tseng’s arm* “I’m so *glad* we’re on the same team, Tseng!”

Tseng: *sighs, looking over at reeve on the other side of the field* “Right….”

Bria: “Too bad Reeve sucks at baseball. Otherwise he’d be on this team.”

Lark: “He does suck? Good! I made the right choice! I mean, no offense, I love Reeve and all, but he’s not much of a sports person.”

Irvine: “Why’s Rude on their team? Isn’t he good at everything?”

Sephiroth: “No! What gave you *that* idea? I’m good at everything!”

Seifer: “No way! I am!”

Twilight: “I’ve got you both beat.”

Lark: “Okay, guys. When I signed you up for this team, I didn’t figure on dealing with your overflated egos!”

Bria: “So…what’s our team called?”

Lark: “That’s what we need to discuss. Any ideas?”

Elena: “The Turks!”

Tseng: *sighs* “Elena…”

Elena: *meekly* “I withdraw my suggestion.”

Twilight: *confidently* “The Jedi’s!”

Lark: “No! You’re the only Jedi here!”

Twilight: “I’m also the only one that matters.”

Lark: “Right….”

Zell: “How about the SeeDs?”

Lark: “No! No, no, no! Stop picking names of other organizations! We need to name our team after something powerful!”

Seifer: “What’s that?”

Lark: “IT’LL BE TOO DAMN HOT! YOU WANNA SWEAT TO DEATH!?”

Squall: “….now that you mention it…”

Sephiroth: “I prefer not to melt into a puddle…I guess…”

Elena: “How about Turk blue?”

Tseng: “Ele–“

Elena: “Sorry!”

Tseng: *surprised* “Hmmm…I didn’t even have to finish.”

Bria: “If you guys want black, how about gray, the next best thing?”

Lark: “Yeah! Gray! With blue writing! How about it, guys?”

(everyone nods)

Lark: “Okay, great. And since it took us forever to just settle on that, I’m telling you that our official song is “How Bizarre” by OMC, just because that’s how this team strikes me. Now as for numbers and postitions…I claim the number 23 and first base, cause it’s my favorite position.”

(the next day at 8 A.M. shell’s on one side of the field, handing out uniforms, and lark’s on the other, handing out uniforms. on shell’s side…)

Reeve: “What’s wrong with you, Reno?”

Rufus: “You know, you’ll stay sober to play *baseball*, but you won’t stay sober for work, which you get *paid* for.”

Reno: “You point being….?? Besides, I work better when I’m drunk.”

Shell: “Okay, listen up! Here are your numbers and positions! Keep in mind, some of you probably won’t play at first. Rufus, left field, number 5. Reeve, center field, number 19, Cloud, right field…” *looks down the list* “What number were you again…??”

Cloud: *grabs his head and twitches* “Give me a number!”

Shell: “Okay, here is it! Number 1.”

Cloud: *relaxes* “Number….one?”

Reno: “Hey! How come he gets to be number one?!”

Shell: “Shut up! I’m doing stuff! Vincent, catcher, number 13, Reno, first base, number 69, Rude, pitcher, number 39, Selphie, 3rd base, number 44, Ashley, number 56, Tifa, you’re number 68, Yuffie, number 12, Quistis, number 98, Rinoa, number 31 and Noelle number 30. I’m playing short stop, and I’m number 77.”

Reno: “Ha ha! Vincent’s got number 13! That’s unlucky!”

Vincent: “Actually, Reno, some people consider 13 a lucky number.”

Reno: “….shut up!” *winks at Noelle* “I got my lucky number….69.”

Noelle: “Ew!!!!”

(on lark’s side of the field….)

Lark: “Okay, listen up! I’m giving you your number and positions now. Some of you are just back up players, so you don’t have positions right now. Like I said yesterday, I’m number 23 and the first baseman. Irvine, you’re left field, number 28, Sephy, you’re center field, number 3. Tseng, right field, number 22, Twily, you’re 2nd base, number 4. Squall, you’re short stop, number 17. Cid, you’re 3rd base, number 35, Zell you’re catcher, number 20, Seifer you’re the pitcher, number 8, Barret, number 78, Elena, number 63, Bria number 27 and Red number 99.”

Barret: “Yo! How can I play with one arm!?”

Lark: “That’s why I didn’t put you in a position. You’re not playing. You’re just good for shouting things.”

Barret: “Damn straight, woman!”

Shell: “Hey, Lark! How long do we have to practice?”

Lark: “Uh….today. The game’s tomorrow.”

Everyone: “What?!”

Lark: *shrugs, innocent smile* “Well, we have to move this along!”

(they start to practice….the masamune’s do some hitting while the knights of the round practice fielding)

Shell: “Okay, I’m going to hit a ball to each of you out fielders, and you guys have to catch it, okay?” *hits it to rufus*

Rufus: *waving his mitt around wildly as he runs for where the ball’s headed* “I got it! I got it! I–!” *reaches up for it, but the ball lands right next to him* “Uh…never mind.”

Shell: “Well at least *someone* in our outfield can catch.”

Rufus: “Hey! I can catch!”

Reno: “She means the ball, dufus.”

Rufus: “Shut up!”

(meanwhile…)

Lark: “Okay, we’re going to practice hitting. Twilight, you’re up first. Seifer, throw it right down the center so people can actually *hit* them.”

(seifer pitches and twilight uses the force to hit it. the ball flys over to where shell’s team is practicing and a soft cry is heard)

Shell: “Oh no!”

Twilight: “Did I hit someone?” *snickers*

Lark: “What happened?”

Shell: “That ball hit Selphie in the head!”

Irvine: “Oh no! One of my harem!”

Lark: “Is she okay?” *goes over*

Shell: *whines* “Our 3rd baseman!”

Selphie: *comes to* “Uh…I don’t like this game. I think I’d rather sit on the bench and cheer.”

Shell: “Fine.” *looks around* “Ashley, you’re 3rd base.”

Ashley: *filing her nails* “Whatever.”

Lark: “So how is your team, Shell?”

Shell: *glares* “Just *fine* thank you.”

Reno: “Reeve’s afraid of the ball!” *laughs*

Reeve: “Stop that!”

Bria and Tseng: “Leave him alone, Reno!”

Elena: *joining in to please tseng* “Yeah, Reno! You’re mean!”

Reno: *frowns* “Geez. I didn’t realize Reeve had so many followers.”

Lark: “Okay, let’s get back to practicing. Remember, the game’s at 10 A.M tomorrow!”

Reno: “Hmmm…at least I’ll have *some* time to recover.”

Shell: “NO DRINKING!”

Reno: “Dammit!”

(the next day everyone arrives at the field, the knights of the round are in one dugout, and the masamune’s are in the other. the stands are basically empty, except for Opal, Laguna, Kiros, and Heidegger)

Noelle: “We decided that we’d rather just watch.”

Lark: “Okay, we have to go over the rules before we begin.”

(everyone goes out onto the field)

Reno: “Ha ha! You look like such a geek with your socks pulled up, Rufus!”

Rufus: “Hey! I think it’s cool! Besides, Lark has her socks up!”

Lark: *spots rufus and runs over to him* “Rufus! You pulled up your socks! I love when players do that! You look so cute!”

Rufus: *gives a reno a look* “Thank you, Lark.”

Sephiroth: “Hmmmm….” *pulls up his socks*

Shell: “Are we going to go over the rules?”

Lark: “I can’t believe you guys are wearing skirts!”

Seifer: “I can’t believe they’re wearing pink!”

Vincent: *mutters* “This is thoroughly embarrassing.”

Shell: “Shut up! You’re jealous cause we look cool.”

Reeve: “Yeah…that’s it.”

Shell: “Anyway, the rules!”

Reno: “I’ll give the rules! Okay. You go to bat, you drink a beer. You get to first, you drink a beer. You get to 2nd–“

Lark: “Reno! We’re not playing beer baseball!”

Reno: “What?! We’re not!? Oh, man! This bites!”

Lark: “Anyway, here are the rules.” *holds up a notebook that has ‘big book of rules’ written on the cover*

Bria: “Did you make that yourself?”

Lark: “….Yes. Anyway, allow me to read from it. Rule one: Reno is only allowed to drink 5 beers during the course of the game.”

Reno: “Only 5?!”

Lark: “There will be no summons or GF’s.”

Squall: “Guess I have to fix my junction….”

Lark: “No use of the Force.”

Twilight: “Yeah. Right.”

Lark: “Okay, that’s it. Have you got your lineup, Shell?”

Shell: “Sure do.”

Lark: “Okay then, play ball!”

Irvine: “Hey, Sephiroth, why’d you pull your socks up?”

Sephiroth: “No reason.”

Irvine: “Did you pull your socks up cause Lark said she liked it?”

Sephiroth: “No! What gave you that idea??” *stomps into the dugout*

Lark: “We’re up first!” *goes into the dugout* “Okay, people, here’s the batting order. I’m first, then Cid, then Squall, then Tseng, then Sephiroth, then Irvine, then Seifer, then Zell and finally Twilight.”

Twilight: “Best for last!”

(lark goes up to the plate. she swings at the first pitch and hits a single)

Masamune’s: “Whoo hoo!”

(cid comes up to bat. he swings at the first pitch, but misses)

Cid: “@#$%&^!”

(rude pitches again, and he swings and misses)

Cid: “@#$%&^ *&!@#>#!”

(again the pitch comes, and cid swings again and strikes out)

Nida: “You’re out!”

Cid: “@#$%&^ *&!@#>#! ?{_~<$@%&!” *starts beating nida with the bat*

Nida: “Ow! My head!”

(all the masamune’s laugh)

Squall “Bash him good, Cid!”

(the knights of the round are all disgusted)

Quistis: “Poor Nida!”

Lark: *calls* “Cid! That’s enough!”

(cid goes back to the dugout, cursing)

Nida: “Ow….”

Squall: *comes up the bat* “Hey, Nida. If I strike out, I’m going to beat you too.”

Nida: “Ow! Dammit!”

Shell: “Lark–“

Lark: “I told you it was perfectly legal.”

Squall: “This is my favorite rule.”

^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_

(seifer pitches and the ball goes flying past rufus so fast he can’t even see it)

Rufus: “Hey! Did you cast haste on the ball?”

Seifer: “Yeah I did. It’s legal!”

Rufus: “But I can’t even see it!”

Seifer: “Sucks to be you.”

Zell: “Shut up, Rufus, or you’ll be ejected for whining.”

Rufus: *pouts* “Stupid game.”

And then there was the bottom of the ninth…the score–15-13 Masamune’s, but Tifa’s on 3rd base and Yuffie on 2nd with two outs and Cloud’s up….

Shell: *praying* “Oh please….we really need to beat them.”

Noelle: “Why?”

Shell: “Because! Don’t you see?! It’s principle! She rigged the game and her team cheated like no tomorrow, so if *we* win we’ve overcome all the evil of their side.”

Ashley and Noelle: *blinks*

Ashley: *goes back to fanning herself* “Whatever. Maybe you should go talk to Treize. He’ll understand.”

Shell: *sighs* “Come on, Cloud! If you hit a home run we’ll win the game!”

Seifer: *quietly, holding out the ball* “Haste…”

Twilight: “They won’t win! They don’t have the *Force* on their side!”

Sephiroth: “Want me to summon meteor?”

Lark: “No! Just let Cloud bat!”

Cloud: *comes up to bat, scratching his head* “What?”

(seifer pitches, and cloud swings, but he misses)

Shell: “Dammit!”

Noelle: “Cloud’s so cute.”

Ashley: “Nah.”

Reno: “Hey! What about me?!”

Noelle: “You’re cute too, Reno.”

Reno: “I know.” *grins*

(cloud swings again and misses)

Shell: “Dammit!”

Lark: “One more out!”

Hojo: *checks his watch* “Good. My kelp is almost done.”

Scarlet: “Hurry up and throw the ball, you big oaf! It’s hot out here!”

Kiros: “Ward says you suck!”

Laguna: “…I don’t think he said that….”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa!”

Sephiroth: “Come on, Seifer! Strike him out!”

Irvine: “Yee haw! We’re gonna win!”

Twilight: *sings* “We’re gonna win! We’re gonna win!”

Squall: “Whatever.”

Zell: “Come on, Seifer! Just throw it!”

Red: “Hmmm…I wonder what will happen…”

Barret: “Yo! Shut yer damn mouth, cat/dog!”

Cid: “@#$@%!”

Tifa: “You can do it, Cloud!”

Yuffie: “Cloud? If you hit it, can I have your materia?”

Rude: “………come on, Cloud.”

Reeve: “I hope we win.”

Rufus: “No thanks to you.”

Reeve: “Hey!”

Reno: “No thanks to *either* of you.”

Rufus and Reeve: “Hey!”

Rinoa: “No thanks to the *three* of you.”

Reno: “Hey! I wouldn’t talk! You didn’t even play!”

Selphie: “Yeah! Go Cloud, go! Yipee!”

Quistis: “Hmmm…I wonder if I could pick Cid’s office lock with a bobby pin….”

Vincent: “Hm. Quite an exciting moment.”

Nida: “If you strike out, don’t beat me!”

Ward: “……………”

Tseng: “Boy Seifer’s taking his time.”

Bria: “Hey, Elena, do you think we’ll win?”

Elena: “Nope. Not a chance in hell.”

Barret: “Yo! Explain yourself, woman!”

Elena: “Nah. It’s always the same story with these things. The underdogs always win.”

Bria: “Yup. Don’t you see any of those sports movies?”

Lark: “JUST THROW THE DAMN BALL, SEIFER!”

Seifer: *sweat drops* “Here goes nothing.”

(he throws the ball, and cloud’s bat connects with it. and in traditional slow motion the ball sails up into the sky. everyone watches in amazement as irvine runs back to the wall but it’s no use. home run, 15-16 knights of the round)

Bria and Elena: “Called it.”

Shell: “WHOO HOO!” *sings* “WE WON, WE WON, WE WON!”

Lark: “What the @#%&?! How could we lose!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I had all the good people on my team!”

(cloud finishes running around the bases and the knights of the round people happily carry him off in celebration)

Lark: *glares* “Well this just…..sucks!”

Cid: “@#%@!”

Barret: “Yo, you said it, man!”

Sephiroth: *chin quivers* “We….lost??”

Twilight: “The great Twilight XyXia does not *lose*!”

Seifer: “….it’s not my fault!”

Squall: “Whatever.”

Tseng: “It was a good game.”

Zell: “This blows!”

Kiros: “Ha ha! Ward says you suck!”

Laguna: “That was mean, Ki–I mean Ward…I mean…”

Opal: “Aw. My poor Twilight.”

Irvine: “Well………crap.”

Lark: “It’s not fair! We were supposed to win!” *bursts out crying*

Sephiroth: *glaring at seifer* “Now you look what you did! You made Lark cry cause you lost the game!”

This is it. Seriously.

These are my rambles. I don't write them anymore. They were insane and crazy fun to write, but they are over.
However.
I can't seem to take them off the internet. So here they rest, for the long foreseeable future, for anyone who still might get a chuckle out of them.

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