You can happily shop here - Aldi

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Old-Salt

You can happily shop here looking like a fucking tramp, claims Aldi.
After a Tesco store asked customers not to shop in their pyjamas or barefoot, supermarket chain Aldi has made it clear it is happy for their customers to continue looking like a bunch of inebriated vagrants.

The Tesco store in St Mellon in Cardiff has posted notices asking customers to âstop dressing like a fucking tramp all of the fucking timeâ alienating large numbers of tramp resembling local residents.

A Tesco spokesperson said, âLook, weâre not killjoys here, but weâd prefer it if you made just a slight effort when giving us all of your benefit money.â

âThe one concession we ask for when dealing with the generally disgusting public, is that they make themselves look respectable. We know theyâre not, but weâre happy with a shallow faÃ§ade.â

âWhen thatâs gone, itâs more than we can stomach, to be honest.â

However, Aldi has claimed it would welcome such shoppers with open arms, so long as they have a few pennies in their pockets.

âWeâre not fussy. At all.â said a spokesperson.

âWeâve built a thriving business based on shoppers who look like theyâve stepped off the set of a Zombie movie, so weâll take them if Tesco donât want them.

âAfter a while, the stench of shit and piss tends to fade, and you can focus on all the money theyâre giving you. From a small purse. Kept in their underpants.â

âIn fact, most of our offers rely on you shopping with the urgency of someone who has recently soiled themselves.â

âThe only people we donât want in our store are people called Kerry Katona.â

What about the indignant woman who was turned away and complained that she didn't have time to dress up... then she went on to say that she'd especially put on her best PJs and they were nice ones with some pink crap or other on them. Fucking silly tart.

LE

The picture accompanying the original story was great though, it had some skank on about going in to get her fags, skag and buckfast (or whatever) and how it would disadvantage her. She would simply spend her welfare money elsewhere. Grotty bint.