Melissa Kite

Melissa Kite is the Deputy Political Editor of The Sunday Telegraph and writes a weekly column for The Spectator magazine. She divides her time between South London and Surrey where she rides her horses.

Is it entirely wise for Ed Miliband to compare David Cameron to Flashman at PMQs?

I mean, is it really such an insult? Yes, George MacDonald Fraser's character runs from danger, bullies and cheats, beds every available woman, carries off any loot he can grab, gambles and boozes and generally behaves like an utter cad.

He is, by his own unapologetic description, “a scoundrel, a liar, a cheat, a thief, a coward and a toady.”

But, and it’s a big but, Flashman always wins the day. He invariably lands on his feet and, through a combination of luck and cunning, ends up being acclaimed as a hero.

Ok, so he’s more of an anti-hero. But who’s going to be picky in this day and age? Swashbuckling cads are about the best we can hope for, I reckon. And FlashCam was pretty swashbuckling at PMQs.

David Cameron is unstoppable. After last week’s “calm down dear” retort to a female Labour MP, it had been suggested the Prime Minister might try to resurrect his modern and compassionate credentials by issuing an apology to the sisterhood at this week’s PMQs.

Not a bit of it. With magnificent defiance, the Prime Minister instead treated us to the wit and wisdom of Benny Hill.

It was in reply to Kelvin Hopkins, the Labour MP for Luton North, who rose to his feet to ask a perfectly ridiculous question which, to be fair, really didn’t merit a serious answer.

The question was too convoluted to quote here, but a rough précis would go something like this: “Does the Prime Minister agree that unemployment is really high and that means people are not paying as much tax and so the economy will obviously be collapsing soon and when it does there will be a Labour government.”

Arriba! Whatever it was Miriam Clegg was wearing – and it wasn’t entirely clear – it made her the highlight of the political guests at Westminster Abbey. It was part Spanish flamenco, part Roxie Hart in Chicago. A bright orange hat teamed with bright orange lipstick, a dress swathed in black netting, long black leather gloves, black stilettos… rrrrrrrrrrrrr!

She looked like she should have had a rose between her teeth. Was she going to provide the entertainment as the happy couple signed the register by running out into the aisle and singing "All That Jazz!"

Miriam Clegg (Photo: Getty)

If an outfit could stick two fingers up to the coalition, this crazy, sexy ensemble was it. Beside… Read More

I hope I don’t ever encounter David Cameron and Ed Miliband on a boys' night out.

I only raise the prospect because Mr Miliband opened PMQs by saying he would like some advice from Mr Cameron on his forthcoming stag night.

Actually, Mr Cameron started it by congratulating Mr Miliband and his partner Justine on their forthcoming marriage. Mr Miliband replied: “I may be coming to him for advice in the next few weeks. I know he knows how to organise memorable stag nights.” No doubt this was meant to be a class-hatred drenched reference to the Prime Minister’s raucous Bullingdon Club days. MPs laughed. But from the look on the faces of Mr Miliband and Mr Cameron this was no joke.

The angry, loutish clashes that followed were, in fact, terrifying. It made you suspect that these two would probably lay waste to a city centre if they were to go on the same stag… Read More

As David Cameron braces himself for a clash between the Commons and the Lords, the mood among Tory backbenchers is gloomy.

Most are now resigned to the Prime Minister pushing through the Bill which paves the way for a May referendum on AV, albeit after a round or two of parliamentary ping-pong.

Tory MPs want a referendum on changing the voting system like they want a hole in the head.

But they are also depressed because the Parliamentary Voting System and Constituencies Bill, which must finish its passage on Wednesday or run out of time, is not the only piece of unpopular legislation going to the wire.

Very soon the EU Bill and the Fixed Term Parliaments Bill, both deeply unpopular with Conservative MPs, must complete… Read More

Is Ed Balls quite with it? Moments into his first encounter with George Osborne at Treasury Questions he appeared to be waffling on about snow.

Looking unfeasibly pleased with himself, the new shadow chancellor attempted to tick off George Osborne by telling him that snow was not a good excuse for poor growth figures given that other nations had grown despite experiencing extreme weather.

Am I missing something? I thought. Has there been a sudden weather change. No. It was still bright sunshine outside.

A few minutes later he was back on his snow theme again, attacking Osborne as follows: “Perhaps the Chancellor should spend less time on the ski slopes of Switzerland…”

There was also some bizarre banter about what a “privilege” it was to be holding the Treasury portfolio at a time of such “economic importance”.

This was a bit like a graffiti artist saying how excited he was to be given a… Read More