On Facebook
I really want to know what she has to say.
Call me crazy but I want to know if he is telling me the truth.
I know she could be lying but...
What would u do?
Please no 2x4...well maybe a soft one?

@sad34...I usually agree...I got the truth from the AP..when WH wouldn't give it to me.

But..in this case? Foghater,this OW has been his OW for a long time..and has been a bitch to you..she won't tell you the truth..and even if she does..it's HER version of the truth..it doesn't mean it IS the truth.

Nonononono.

BS(me)42
FWH 46
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 9605 | Registered: Jan 2011

FogHater♀ 33156Member # 33156

Posted: 10:48 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013

I did read it...couldn't help myself
Felt like I got kicked in the gut...again.
I know she is probably lying but what if she isn't.
She told me I don't know the whole truth...how would she know what he told me?
Unless she is just trying to stir up trouble...but maybe I should ask more questions?
Any advice would help
Please no 2x4s
Just advice...and some who have experience dealing with the OW.

I don't know what I'm doing
but I know what I'm not doing

Posts: 1301 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Illinois

EvenKeel♀ 24210Member # 24210

Posted: 10:51 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013

No 2x4....I would of read it too!

I think you are viewing it correctly; that it is probably lies but there could be a truth in there somewhere that you can store away to help you weed through what you have been told from him.

You are right, she has no way of knowing what he told you unless they had a discussion about it.

No not engage with her though!!!! Block her so she can't get to you again.

God didn't give you the strength to get back on your feet so that you can run back to the same things that knocked you down.

Posts: 2954 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa

Nature_Girl♀ 32554Member # 32554

Posted: 10:58 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013

I would have read it, too.

Maybe you can have a friend correspond with this woman, instead of you?

Confused...this is the first time she has contacted me.
WH just says she has threatened me.
Never heard from her till now.
Maybe she feels she has lost him to me and now is reaching out to me trying to stir up trouble.
I won't believe anything she says

I don't know what I'm doing
but I know what I'm not doing

Posts: 1301 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Illinois

TheClimb♀ 25895Member # 25895

Posted: 11:09 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013

I know that around here we believe NC is often the best policy for "no new hurts". While I believe that is a good rule of thumb, I understand what you are saying.

I would only suggest that if you feel the need, simply ask her to supply "proof". OW told me after the affair had been over that she heard she wasn't the "only one". I told her send me proof, or at least give me a name... crickets from her.

Perhaps she has copies of e-mails or text messages or even photos that you know nothing about.

"That which can be destroyed by the truth should be" P.C. Hodgell

Posts: 480 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Southern Maryland

fooledbyapilot♀ 26349Member # 26349

Posted: 11:14 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013

I had phone calls with OW after D-Day. She lied about contact with my WH, matched his story.

Later I found out the truth, on my own.

Some of what she said was truth though, about their relationship. I knew this to be true as I know my WH quite well. I actually told her what he would do if she pushed him in a conflict situation, she couldn't believe that I knew exactly how he reacted.

In my case some of what OW said was true and a lot was lies.
I needed to hear her version to get a better picture, up until that point WH had not given much info.
I took what she said and compared it to the info i gathered on my own to know what she was truley lying about.
Verifying what she was lying about (by phone records) helped me to even entertain the idea that things WH said she was lying about could be true.
Whats true and whats not can be such a grey area but seeing how much she lied and how wildly helped me to see what kind of person she was. That really got me over wondering if she had something i didnt.
For me I needed to see Side A and side B.
I would assume OW is lying unless she can provide proof or you know that yourself to be true. I bet she is hurting that she didnt win.

Me BS
him fWS
M 8yrs 2 kids
DD 2/12 lies until 4/12
2.5 yr A with an OLD married whore
working on R

Posts: 233 | Registered: Sep 2012

Lovedyoumore♀ 35593Member # 35593

Posted: 11:19 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013

IC compared sociopath OW to a vampire. They move on eventually but in a time of crisis they come back for blood from their familiar. How often they bounce back depends on you. You give them blood(any contact at all) and they will keep coming back forever as long as you or H give them blood. Do not do it. I would bet something has blown in her life and it needs a fix.

Me 50's
WH 50's
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.

Posts: 2081 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart

TrustGone♀ 36654Member # 36654

Posted: 11:25 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013

(((EvenKeel)))

OW outed the LTA to me. WH#2 didn't have the guts to do it and she was tired of being lied to herself. I found out alot of things from her that he would have never of told me otherwise. He was also playing her and had even gave her an engagement ring. He was living in his little fantasy world and playing two women at the same time.

However she knew he was married when she started the A with him. It's just like I told her..If he will cheat WITH you, he will cheat ON you and is that what kind of man you really want?? She only saw the loving sexual part, she wasn't seeing the everyday married part of WH#2. It's like it never occured to her why he stopped seeing her and started dating me and married me. If he had truely loved her, he would have never married me.

I had two seperate conversations on the phone with her about the A. They were old fuck buddies from before we started dating and got married. She of course blamed him and he blamed her for how it started again. I will never know which one initiated it and it really doesn't matter.

The only part I regret in speaking to her was that I felt so hurt by what she said and it has caused me pain ever since. Sometimes I wished there were things I never knew happened. She tried her best to make me D him and still attempts to break NC in a way that I will find out. On DDay#2, she left me a note in my jewlery box. These OW will do their best to try and break up your marriage so they can have the prized WH. All they are really getting is a mixed up, broken person who they helped bring down. That is why so few of the relationships with WS's marrying the AP work.

I would suggest that you break all contact with the skank. She is only trying to hurt you and distroy your marriage. Some of the things she says may be true, some of it may not. You need to now concentrate on your own healing and continued contact with the skank will not promote that. (((HUGS)))

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 9605 | Registered: Jan 2011

alphakitte♀ 33438Member # 33438

Posted: 11:33 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013

Okay, first, this by AJsmom, caused me to split my side:

Vacuum the cat instead.

FogHater, you posted,

Maybe she feels she has lost him to me and now is reaching out to me trying to stir up trouble.

Who knows what she feels. If she was secure and happy, she probably wouldn't be bothered contacting you, right? Assume she isn't happy. Maybe she wants revenge. Regardless, it is most probable that contactingyou is self-serving, for her! There is probably not even a sliver of a chance that she is contacting you for your own good. (Many OW know that our WSs had other affairs and consider themselves enlightening us that they weren't the only affair.)

I doubt any BS gets the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Were we the ones to have cheated we probably wouldn't tell the whole truth either. It's just human nature not to, I think.

If your spouse is remorseful and commited to reconciliation, and fidelity, then that is what matters the most, I think.

------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 380 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous

Sal1995♂ 39099Member # 39099

Posted: 11:44 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013

WH just says she has threatened me.

Sounds like Skank could use a visit from a police officer, or a process server serving her with a restraining order and a court date. Maybe both. She sounds like a person in serious need of a wake-up call.

She also asked if I wanted the naked pics of him he sent to her....
She could be lying but if I said yes don't know if I could see them knowing they were to her.... What do I ask her?
Don't want to give her to much
Don't want to encourage her.
I guess crickets would be appropriate.

I don't know what I'm doing
but I know what I'm not doing

Posts: 1301 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Illinois

heartache101♀ 26465Member # 26465

Posted: 12:00 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013

i would have to see those pics. That is just me.

There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing