Asda kiwi ban fails to save Harry Styles from another stage slip

Last week, Harry Styles was nearly killed and/or maimed after fans at a show in London started throwing kiwis onto the stage. In a selfless act that definitely wasn’t a publicity stunt, a branch of Asda subsequently banned under-25s from buying the fruit before the former One Direction member’s performance in Manchester.

As previously reported, Styles last week slipped on the kiwi which had been thrown on stage as some sort of signifier that its thrower would like him to play his song ‘Kiwi’. This was not the only kiwi chucked at him by someone who doesn’t understand the concept of setlists.

Fearing that Styles might not be so lucky to come away unscathed should the same kiwi throwing occur at his shows up north, Manchester’s Hulme branch of Asda – less than a 30 minute walk from the Apollo venue where Styles was due to perform – banned anyone under the age of 25 from buying kiwifruit on Wednesday.

“We know our customers love Harry Styles and we feel it’s our duty to protect a fellow Mancunian from any ‘bad kiwis’ amongst us”, said an Asda spokesperson. “We’d hate to see a repeat of the mishap this evening, so to avoid any slippery situations, we feel this is a necessary measure”.

Harry Styles isn’t actually Mancunian. He’s from Holmes Chapel, as we all know. And that’s in Cheshire not Manchester. Which makes him Cheshian. Or maybe Holmes Chapian. Possibly Church Hulmian. Whatever, the ban didn’t even work, because Styles ended up flat on his back when he slipped on a kiwi at the Manchester show.

Yes, somehow, people found alternative ways to get hold of the nuisance fruit. Perhaps one of Manchester’s other Asda stores. Or the Co-op in Holmes Chapel.

As far as we are aware, Styles has not been floored by any further pieces of fruit since, though. The tour has now moved on to mainland Europe. Do they even have kiwifruits there? It’s impossible to know.