Tuesday, September 23, 2008

White Trash Front Porch

Kudos to the town of LINCOLN, NEBRASKA. The City Council has outlawed the use of “indoor” furniture outdoors. Mainly aimed at the students in this college town who spend the semester studying & drinking beer on any old piece of furniture they can manage to haul outside & then celebrate the end of finals by setting fire to that nasty couch or wheel-less desk chair. TheGayGardener thinks this should be a Federal Law. I mean seriously, those hideous molded plastic chairs are like $5 each. Or better yet just park your ass on the steps & leave the porch bare rather than clutter up the neighborhood with some vinyl eyesore on the front porch. (Photo:smalltown07)

Oh My God!!! Tom Cruise? I’m sure. Daniel Craig? Mmm maybe. George Clooney? I wish. BUT CLAY AIKEN???????G.A.Y.????? Oh sure, KATHY GRIFFIN long ago christened The American Idol runner up “The Gayken” & there was that little dust-up with the online hooker who allegedly had saved some “DNA” soiled towel & tried to sell it on EBAY & he loves to tour with Musical Theater Companies but GAY???? I’m stunned.

I just saw a YOPLAIT Yogurt commercial with perennial Queen, RICHARD SIMMONS. And you know I love Richard, he is uniquely himself. But you know what Richard? YOUR FAT!!! No, not obese like many of the poor mascara stained faces that you counsel; but Jesus! You’ve been “Sweating to The Oldies” for 20 years now & still have no discernable waist! In fact with those glittery tank tops & awning striped silken shorts you look like a fuzzy beach ball. I’ll stick to my Sugar-Free-RED BULL-Coffee-Parliaments (& the occasional “white fatty” )Diet.

Wow! Weren’t the EMMYS Dreadful? Six hours (??) And not a laugh to be had! Happy for Tina Fey who is so abundantly talented but I think that after you play a character for a few seasons & win a truckload of awards at some point you need to withdraw from competition. (SEE: JEREMY PIVEN) And give others a chance. Remember the classy CANDACE BERGEN recused herself after winning something like 5 in a row for MURPHY BROWN.

Speaking of Awards: If you do have any trophies or “loving cups” hanging around they make lovely vases for flowers & what the hell else are you doing with them? Nobody “quaffs mead” or booze out of them anymore…use ‘em!