Most Popular Porn Plots

Every Cheesy XXX Plot And Scenario Guys Secretly Love, Ranked

Sometimes it seems like if you’ve seen one porno, you’ve seen ‘em all. You’ve got two people (or three, or four, or, heck, sometimes there are too many to count) in familiar situations — that end with unfamiliar results. Think of the classic porn plots: There's the teacher reprimanding the student — that ends in boning. There's the skilled masseur relaxing the stressed-out client — that ends in boning. There's the helpful pizza-delivery guy delivering some hot pie to the starving customers — that ends in boning, too.

There a number of these plots and scenarios that everyone seems to know — and depending on what you're into and your capacity to suspend your disbelief, some are funny, some are sexy and some are just plain ridiculous. But regardless of the fact that there’s so much redundancy in porn, we still can’t help but smile every time that feeling of déja vu washes over us — which directly precedes the, uh, other things that wash over porn enthusiasts.

Because we’re all so well-versed in the set-up, we decided to rank 21 classic porno scenarios that we’re all too familiar with from best (somewhat plausible/pretty awesome) to worst (totally implausible/terrible idea). We're excluding stuff like straight up gangbangs with huge numbers of dudes or famous porn stars banging each other for no reason and instead focusing on the classic porn plots that require crummy acting and forced dialogue, just because.

Yoga Porn

Nubile Films

Basic plot: A bunch of babely women do yoga together. Then... they have sex. And possibly include a male instructor.

Yoga is sort of like the modern version of an all-women's sleepover — a mystic, mysterious land many guys fantasize about because they have no idea how non-sexual it is actually is. Surprisingly, real-life yoga is just a bunch of people stretching and sweating.

But has a one-on-one yoga session between a participant and an instructor ever turned sexy? Almost definitely. You put two humans wearing minimal clothing in close contact with each other enough times and see what happens. We're animals, I tell ya!

Boss/Secretary Porn

CFNM Teens

Basic plot: A rich, powerful boss has a hot secretary. Then... they have sex.

This is really not a very surprising one, considering how probably every dude with that kind of power has at least considered sleeping with his secretary before — but can't, because, you know, professional ethics, workplace harassment, and also if things go south, this would be a nightmare for everyone involved.

How realistic is it? Probably plenty realistic, though we can't in good faith recommend anyone try it. Dating a coworker is complicated enough; hooking up with a superior or subordinate is a recipe for a whole mess of trouble.

Voyeur Porn

Voyeurity

Basic plot: Woman finds guy spying on her... then they have sex.

This classic trope takes voyeurism to a whole new level by suggesting that the woman being spied on by the naked dude in the bushes kinda doesn’t actually mind the breach of privacy. Props to the writers of this scenario for having the imagination to actually reward peeping toms with blowjobs as opposed to a court date.

At the same time, this classic storyline also suggests that basically any woman left alone to her own devices will turn to an afternoon of fully nude masturbation while wearing high heels. Not only that, but she won’t even bother to throw on a bathrobe before calling out her perverted spy. That’s how women typically do it, right? Right??

Spontaneous Lesbian Porn

Viv Thomas

Basic plot: A woman's friend convinces her to get it on, pretty much out of nowhere.

Whether you believe the whole “nature or nurture” argument, anyone would be hard pressed to believe that a person can suddenly flip the switch and “become gay” in a minute’s notice… but that’s what happens when two women are alone in a well-lit living room.

Whether it’s two girlfriends joking about their boyfriends or just a couple of gals having a couple of drinks, the awkward first kiss almost always gives way to a full-blown hot sex scene that leaves both women absolutely positive that they’ve chosen the correct path — or at least the correct path for that afternoon.

Burglar Porn

The number of reactions to a person breaking into your home are typically limited to the following: shock, fear, anger. To give one’s body to a person who usually means to steal your stuff and possibly kill you is a stretch… but that’s why we have the wonderful world of pornography.

Perhaps these are the words of a stingy man, but I certainly wouldn’t agree to any sort of copulation with someone who had the intent of robbing me blind. Not even a kiss, I tell ya! And frankly, if you're robbing someone's house and they offer to have sex with you, they're almost certainly just trying to distract you long enough for the cops to show up.

Babysitter Porn

Basic plot: Couple hires a babysitter, and then either the dad or both

Sometimes, there are porn scenarios that draw inspiration from real life and focus on the wrongdoings of dads and nannies. We get it — she’s young, cute, and good with kids.

The biggest difference in the movies is how the wife reacts when she walks in on the two lust-birds. In real life, she’d cry and yell and threaten divorce, but in the movies she — more often than not — joins in and makes it a party. Why couldn’t people be that understanding in real life? Honestly, the world would be a better, more peaceful place.

Massage Parlor Porn

Massage Rooms

Basic plot: Woman gets a massage, slowly becomes aroused, and ultimately has sex with her masseur.

The tale of the special massage parlor isn’t one that requires too much imagination to conceive. While so-called "happy ending" massage parlors are common in many places, typically they feature men pleasuring women.

However in this porn, it's the other way around: A lucky masseur (or possibly a masseur in possession of some mystical eroticizing massage oil) realizes that his hands have made the woman so relaxed that now she's horny. Considering she's already naked, getting to the boning portion is easy. But... something tells me this literally never happens.

Casting Couch Porn

Back Room Casting Couch

Basic plot: Woman shows up to an audition, and ultimately has sex with the guy she's doing the audition for.

What would porn be without the famed casting couch? It’s always black, leather, dirty, and sat on by a starry-eyed amateur who seems to have no idea what happens on said casting couch. For whatever reason, the dude’s face is always blurred and he convinces her to go about doing all sorts of lewd sexual acts for a disclosed sum of money that’s never paid out.

One question we always have is: Why not go for broke and buy a black leather casting bed? If you’re going to use the thing for sex, you might as well be comfortable. Of course, a black leather casting bed would probably ruin the "illusion" or whatever.

Cheerleader Porn

Playboy TV

Basic plot: Gym teacher/football coach/football player stumbles in on a cheerleader or two in the changing room. Then they bang.

Now, I don’t know where you went to school, but — in my town — it was kinda against the rules for teachers and students to even touch hands. That’s the beauty of pornos, though; they always push the boundaries and think of imaginative ways to bridge the gap between two people who shouldn't boink each other.

In this scenario, the intentions of the coach always starts out in a good place: He genuinely wants to help the cheerleader. Soon, all those splits and twirls get to the coach, though — and the two find themselves in a very bendy love affair. Yup, definitely looked down upon.

Teacher/Student Porn

Innocent High

Basic plot: Teacher has to reprimand a troubled student for academic/behavioral reasons. Student pleads for better grades... then they bone.

This one almost always involves the teacher asking a single student to stay late after school, although sometimes here’s no such thing as the normal definition of “extra credit” in pornography — at least in the sense that you’re picturing. No... in porn, the only reason a teacher wants a student to stay late after school is to have the student teach them a thing or two. Sexually. With their genitals. And their mouths.

Much like the cheerleader/coach relationship, the teacher/student deal wouldn’t fly in real life… leading us to wonder what that “extra credit” they were initially referring to really was.

Nurse Porn

Reality Junkies

Basic plot: An injured and/or sick person is magically cured by the magic touch of an especially attentive nurse.

The best part of this scenario is that the guy always has an injury that’s totally conducive to being taken advantage of by a woman of power. That usually means that both of the guy’s arms are broken and he’s suddenly unable/unwilling to push off the nurse who decides to jump onto the “poor” dude’s crotch.

At the same time, I bet the amount of necessary recovery time for any injury would drastically increase if patients knew their nurses were prone to helping out with sex.

Dad's Best Friend Porn

Dog House

Basic plot: Somehow, a young woman and her dad's friend end up hanging out one-on-one. Then, they bone.

First of all, a hangout between a young woman and her dad's best friend? Never happens. It just... like, it doesn't. Second, dad’s best friend in real life is nothing like dad’s best friend in porn. The porno version of your dad’s best friend is young, hip, understanding, open to new ideas, very friendly, and not too bad looking. Compare him to your dad’s real best friend: old, coarse, tired, and grey. He makes bad jokes and only eats cold soup. No young woman wants to get with that.

Girlfriend's Best Friend Porn

Kinky Frenchies

Basic plot: A guy ends up hanging out with his girlfriend's friend while she's busy. They discover a mutual attraction... then, they bone.

The girlfriend’s best friend trope is one that all guys love (I’m speaking broadly, but we know it’s true) and one that girlfriends probably don’t love as much. Like all works of fiction, every party on camera handles the love affair with ease and excitement — as opposed to confused arousal and guilt.

Often, the girlfriend walks in on the couple mid-coitus and joins in on the action. We all hope that we can live in a world where our partners are somehow totally unphased when they walk in on their significant others doing dirty things with their best friends, but alas, that’s why porn ain’t real.

Sister's Best Friend Porn

Shocking Daughters

Basic plot:

It’s not a coincidence that the little sister’s best friend always happens to be dressed down in her trashiest outfit the day she comes over. If she doesn’t “catch” her best friend’s older brother sniffing her undies, she makes it her business to try as hard as she can to seduce the living crap out of him. Unless you’re watching an especially crappy porno, the seduction always works and every older brother lives out his fantasy of doin’ it with his little sister’s legally aged bestie. And, of course, we can’t go on without mentioning of the movies in which the sister joins in, too. Ah, family.

Trading Sex For A Taxi Ride Porn

Fake Taxi

In the only scenario that’ll make you want to seriously consider getting into the taxi business, the classic sex-for-cash trope is put to the test with the “girl in the back of the taxi trades sex for taxi fare” scheme. Why she doesn’t have cash? Who’s to say — maybe she spent it all on thongs and stilettos, maybe it’s hidden under her mattress at home, maybe she actually does have money. The limitations of a small cab are put to the limit when the driver and passenger engage in sex in the back of the cab, proving that — no matter what — you’re gonna get screwed in a taxi.

Girl Gets Picked Up On The Side Of The Road Porn

Stranded Teens

Weird observation, but why are all of these hitchhiking women Eastern European? The scene always starts off the same: a dude in a van (a sexy van) pulls up to a babe on the side of the road, he offers his friendship and she hungrily accepts. It doesn’t take long before the driver’s true intentions are shows and he wooes the girl into sweet, roadside copulation. No one should ever underestimate the kindness of strangers or the alluring romance of a white van.

Guy Catching Woman In The Shower Porn

Teen Tugs

As far as male-driven fantasies go, this is a huge one. Every guy on earth wants to walk in on his hot neighbor in the shower, even though that’s pretty tough for both parties. I mean, you kinda always know when you’re about to walk into a bathroom that has an occupied shower. The most unbelievable part, though, is how the couple manages to have flawless shower sex that’s devoid of uncomfortable positions or slipping. Just goes to show you that you should always leave shower sex to the professionals.

Pool Boy Porn

RedTube

Basic plot: A rich woman, bored at home and looking for some action while her husband's at work, flirts with the strapping young poolboy. Then... they bone.

In one of the most classic — and underrated — porn movie scenarios, we’ve got the lowly pool boy who just wants to make ends meet. Then, the well-to-do female homeowner lures him inside with lemonade and shows him how to literally make ends meet. With her vagina. Thus, the legend of the sexy pool boy was born.

But — like peanut butter and jelly or Jenny and Forrest — you can’t have one without the other. So, let’s all thank the foxy MILF for luring the pool boy indoors and showing the world what he’s made of.

Plumber Porn

Passion HD

Basic plot: A mechanic of the plumbing arts shows up to fix a housewife's plumbing problem... and ends up fixing something else entirely. (Meaning: They bone.)

No disrespect to the hardworking plumbers who literally keep your shit flowing, but we can all agree that plumbing isn't exactly the sexiest job on earth. Pornography is known for glorifying certain jobs and sexualizing others. Teachers, construction workers, taxi drivers, pizza dudes. Of all of the them, those who unclog the pipes always end up on top at the sexiest. Maybe it’s because of the seemingly endless number of sexual innuendos that can be squeezed out of a person whose work vocabulary includes "wet," "screwing," "taps," and "laying pipe."

Step-Mom + Step-Son Porn

Family Strokes

Basic plot: A woman and her new husband/boyfriend's handsome son realize they actually want to bone. So they do.

Finally, a way to glorify incest without actually getting incestuous. In this polarizing society, the stepmom is either the most horrible person on earth or a total babe with blonde hair and totally huge boobs. In porn, she’s always a total babe who constantly needs help applying lotion to those hard-to-reach spots on her body.

Not only is she always snooping around the step-son’s room, but the father of the house never seems to be around when she catches the son beating off to discarded undies. Why is there always so much dirty underwear around? Does no one in this house do laundry?

Pizza-Delivery Guy Porn

Digital Playground

Basic plot: A pizza delivery man shows up with a steaming-hot pie. However, lacking the requisite funds, the women who ordered it offer to pay... by boning him.

This is the crème de la crème of cheesy porn plots, pun very much intended. The pizza delivery guy getting lucky might be the ultimate porn scene stereotype, but how did it come to be? Was it inspired by the fact that, back in the 1980s, delivering pizza was the only way a guy could even get a glimpse of women outside of his social circle? Or maybe because we, as a nation, have such a tender, loving relationship with pizza and, thus, feel an instant connection to those who bring said pizza to us?

One thing's for sure: The “extra sausage” joke will never get old, nor will the idea that one day maybe someone will actually invite a pizza delivery guy inside for a little action. Bless you, pizza delivery guy, whether you come bearing sex or not, we love everything about the 12-inch meat-lover's pizza you have on hand.