We Are Somebody’s Child

Something changed after my first son was born. I spontaneously pictured sorrowful things happening to children. I don’t know why I was tortured with these nightmarish images. Perhaps it was a way of exploring the fear of losing someone so shockingly precious and fragile.It hit me that everyone was someone’s baby; however old they were, however insufferable, criminal, creepy, whatever, I could only see a child of a mother: Even a murderer. And then no one was bad, they were a mother’s heartbreak. They weren’t creepy; they were a mother’s delight. They weren’t a problem for me, they belonged to someone else. They were worthy of unconditional love and acceptance of the mother who bore them and I had no business bearing judgment.

Things are changing still as my sons have grown more independent of me, men beyond a mother’s sons and I find myself less tender towards the world. As I’m less expected to be the ferocious keeper of innocent charges than the matriarch of men, I am also becoming again, less patient with the sons and daughters of the world.

I wrestle with anger and I wrestle with passivity. Turn the other cheek, let it go, get over it is what I want to do because I hate conflict. On the other hand I feel weak and lazy for walking away. I will have to suffer the physical results of unresolved conflict. If I stand my ground and win, I worry about the feelings of the person exposed. If I stand my ground and lose, lose to someone’s dear child, I doubt myself first. I forget I am worthy and someone’s precious, fragile person as well.

I remind myself that discrimination is important. Speak what you feel, say what you see but don’t hurt the innocent. Think first so you can trust yourself to not be mean; to not be mean to somebody’s child.

A Parisian friend tells me that in Europe, people love to argue about deeply personal beliefs but differences in opinion do not make enemies. They make good conversation. In this touchy country of ours even our highest officers often act like children and adolescents. It’s not what we mothers dreamed of. It’s not easy to love your fellow mother’s children when they are no longer innocent enough to be fragile but immature enough to be dangerous.

What if we could trust ourselves to speak from compassion and trust the intentions of others to do the same that we might clearly hear? What if we could love each other, love all mother’s children. Why do we see the child as separate from the thing she grows into? Is that child not still there? Look how we coo over baby animals though the parents may be a nuisance. Can we not recognize the essence that remains? I wonder, if we could, even with our differences, might we garner the respect of the creator, the mother of us all?

2 responses to “Somebody’s Child”

Buddhist Teaching: “Recognize that all living beings have been your mother. Equanimity is necessary to do this because, if you hold some close and others distant, you cannot see everyone as a kind mother, deserving your ultimate help. Remember the kindness they have given you when they were your mothers. The first step leads to this one because, if you do not see everyone as having been your mother in the past, then you cannot see everyone as having been kind and you won’t think about the good they did for you, if you don’t see them all in a beneficent role. Decide to repay the kindness of your mothers. Love all people with the intensity of a mother for her only child, and wish that they could have every good thing. The previous three points lead to this, for once you recognize everyone as mother, acknowledge her kindness and your debt, and agree to help her in return, the natural result is to want to give her every good thing. Feel great compassion for all living beings; want them to be free of suffering. The fourth step is a cause for this because;if you do not want them to be happy, to the point of intense love;then you have no reason to want them to be free of suffering. Decide to help everyone even if you have to do it all yourself; regardless of the difficulty, without being discouraged, if no one helps you. The fifth step is a cause for this sixth one because;if you do not want them to be free of suffering;you will certainly not choose to remove their suffering. Achieve the wish to become enlightened for the sake of every living being; that is, develop bodhichitta and become a bodhisattva. The previous step is the cause for this since once you are determined to help everyone;then you must gain the capacity to do so, by becoming a fully enlightened Buddha.”

Your addition to this post is beautiful. I don’t know if I can wrap my head around all things being my mother but it’s an interesting way to view the world. I see symbiosis more than birth by another but who am I to refute the wisdom of Buddhism? One has to ruminate to taste the experience in one’s mind. Thank you for this gift dear friend.