Here Are The Top Bullshits In Devin Nunes’s Memo SO FAR

As we all know Devin Nunes’s big dumb bullshit memo of lies is bullshit, and also full of lies. This fact is corroborated by the Democratic members of the House Intelligence Committee, by James Comey, and also by the Trump-appointed leadership of the FBI and the DOJ. We already picked some of the lies out, because it was so easy! But now that the Nunes memo has been wafting around Washington like a wet fart for a few hours, reporters are asking questions, people are leaking and saying “this is a bullshit right here,” and also some journalist/blogger types are taking a closer look and noticing, “Oh there’s another bullshit!”

Herein, we will highlight two such examples. Be clear that in no way are we saying these are ALL the bullshits in Devin Nunes’s memo. We are just saying here are two of them.

Firstly, The Daily Beast reports on a line in the memo what says former FBI deputy director Andrew McCabe, who is the devil, testified in secret to Congress that there never would have been a FISA warrant on literal actual stupid Russian intelligence asset Carter Page if it hadn’t been for the DODGY DOSSIER. This, to coin a phrase, is bullshit:

Asked if that was a true representation, a source familiar with McCabe’s testimony responded: “100% not.”

A senior Democratic House intelligence committee official agreed.

“The Majority purposefully mischaracterizes both what is actually contained in the FISA applications and the testimony of former FBI Deputy McCabe before our committee in December 2017 – the Minority’s memo lays out the full facts,” the official said.

Well then!

Meanwhile, over at the RedState blog, yes RedState, the wingnut conservative blog, the blogger Patterico notices another bullshit, one that doesn’t even need leakers or sources, since it’s just a flat out lie about PUBLIC TESTIMONY James Comey gave to Congress. You see, the memo claims that Comey called the entire Steele Dossier “salacious and unverified” in testimony, but NUH UH JAMES COMEY DID NOT SAY THAT.

In testimony to the Senate in June of 2017, Patterico explains that Comey made several claims about the dossier. In response to a question from GOP Senator Richard Burr about whether “criminal allegations” in the dossier had been confirmed, Comey actually said shhh be quiet, because he cannot talk about that in open session.

Comey later answered questions from Senators Susan Collins and Tom Cotton that made clear that when he said “salacious and unverified,” he was referring to the Trump Pee Tape, where Trump ALLEGEDLY in 2013 enjoyed a fancy pee hooker show in his suite at the Moscow Ritz Carlton, performed by the fanciest pee hookers in all of Russia, and that the pee hookers made pee all over a bed where Barack and Michelle Obama once slept. That is what, according to Comey, was “salacious and unverified.” Not the whole dossier!

But yet Devin Nunes’s dumb memo just makes up its own version of that story, either because Nunes and his staffers are stupid (yes) or because they are full of shit (also yes).

In related news, Fox News’s Jesse Watters made waves (of pee) Thursday night on the “Hannity” program, as he explained the pee tape can’t be real because if the fanciest pee hookers in all of Russia pee on the bed then where you gonna sleep, HUH? His logic is solid, we guess, unless maybe the pee hookers brought plastic tarps for their pee performance (props!) for easy clean-up, or maybe the suite was very luxurious and had two beds, or MAYBE Trump wasn’t planning to sleep that night because YAY PEE HOOKERS!

OR MAYBE DONALD TRUMP JUST LIKES SLEEPING IN PEE, WHOA IF TRUE, ALLEGEDLY.

Here’s that video, where Jesse Watters explains how Watters-sports works:

“You know it’s not true, if someone pees on the bed, where you going to sleep?”