DRAGONE has been humbled. I, the self-professed expert at everything, have realized that I know shit about metaphors. You see, I was mocking someone today (surprise, surprise!) What was surprising was that I was mocking them in person, right in front of them, and with their knowledge. Not behind their backs or in the virtual reality known as WordPress like I normally do. But alive and in person.

This person, who shall remain unnamed, was explaining to me what a metaphor was by using some supposedly famous “life is like a bagel” bullshit philosophy that I won’t even bother finishing for you. I fail to see any deep meaning in comparing one’s life to a bagel, so I thought that maybe it was meant to be funny, even though I also fail to see any humor in it. But according to my “friend” it was not meant to be funny. Metaphoring life to be like a bagel apparently allows one to understand life, including bagels, to a deeper level. I still say its bullshit.

I was going to write a whole article on it (hey, I guess I am … ha ha) but then when I looked up metaphors on the Internet I realized that there are all sorts of different kinds of metaphors. I didn’t know there were different kinds of metaphors, just like there are different kinds of bagels. (my personal favorite is the “everything bagel” – it matches my personality, my life in fact). And then I came to a sad realization. I don’t know my metaphors.

So there you have it. DRAGONE is not an expert linguist, an expert writer, or even an English major. I’m just a user. I use words like my uncle Leo eats bagels. Nah, see that didn’t work. I told you the “life is like a bagel” metaphor is bullshit.

So apparently my worldly knowledge, my entire life if you will, has a big hole in it. Damn, it didn’t work again.

Look, I never said that I was the Einstein of writing, whoever that may be. I just do what I do, write whatever flows through me, and eat too much. Right now I’m eating yogurt with granola. Life is like a bowl of yogurt and granola ….