Estate Agent Jargon Buster – Top 10 Phrases to Avoid

Estate agents can trick even the smartest people into thinking a shed is a mansion. You will be looking at a shed wondering “why is he showing me a shed?” then two seconds later you will be thinking “what a reasonably priced mansion”. It’s all in the jargon they use…

They turn a specific problem into a vague selling point. Whether you are looking to rent or buy, this tactic works because they know how stressful moving can be and how much you really want to find a property – and quick.

The problem you will face is that an estate agent would rather sell you a shed with £50 commission than a mansion with £5,000 commission. This is because it’s all a game to them and for you to beat them you must know the true meaning of their jargon.

So here it is my Top 10 list of estate agent jargon that you MUST avoid:

1. Jargon
“There are fantastic transport links.”Meaning
“There’s a train track rattling above your house and the main road is a motorway.”

2. Jargon
“There are amazing opportunities to make the place your own.”Meaning
“The place literally has nothing in it. Not even windows.”

3. Jargon

“It’s cosy… there is an efficient use of space.”

Meaning

“Turns out it’s not a large three bedroom flat but a tiny studio apartment.”

4. Jargon

“The place proved so popular with the previous owner that she lived here for sixty years until she died.”

Meaning

“There’s definitely a ghost. She will haunt your dreams.”

5. Jargon

“The place is full of kids roaming free – like back in the fifties.”

Meaning

“Yes if the fifties involved happy-slapping and hoodies.”

6. Jargon

“No pets allowed.”

Meaning

“Because they’d be eaten by the massive house rat.”

7. Jargon

“Your flatmates are a multicultural bunch.”

Meaning

“No one speaks English. In fact, one person speaks solely in Elvish.”

8. Jargon

“Bills included.”

Meaning

“The inflated rent will include the extra cost of the added bills.”

9. Jargon

“We are giving YOU the empowerment to find your own flatmates.”

Meaning

“You have to find someone to take your room when you move out or we will keep charging you.”

10. Jargon

“It’s a lively area.”

Meaning

“The house is situated in the middle of a gang war.”

10.5 Jargon

“It’s a quiet area.”

Meaning

“It’s the aftermath of the gang war. Everyone’s dead.”

While we all enjoy a good chuckle, it is important to remember that this is a tongue-and-cheek take on the much maligned estate agent stereotype. Since the 1st October 2013, Estate Agents have fallen under the scope of the Consumer Protection from Unfair Trading Regulations 2008 (CPR) and the Business Protection from Misleading Marketing Regulations 2008. These two new arrangements have replaced the old Property Misdescriptions Act 1991, and ensure that agents are not engaging in ‘unfair or misleading commercial activities’ – like the deceptive sales jargon above.

These regulations are all about making sure that estate agents deliver the transparency and honesty that customers have come to expect and I have yet to find an agency who hasn’t upheld them to the highest possible standard.