I commented in passing about the Phillies new marketing campaign of "Red Means Go" a few weeks ago. The latest attempt to get some attention around the club before their season opener on Monday was to dump the Phanatic in a giant can of red paint while at the Philadelphia Zoo on Monday. When he came out, the Phanatic was no longer his patented green but rather a hue usually reserved for Brett Myers after a bad call.

That's fine, whatever, we all know the Phillies marketing campaigns are historically horrific. Where I draw the line though is when they try to convince poor young children that the Phanatic is a bird.

If the Phanatic were to reside at the zoo, where would that be?

"The Phanatic has feathers on his tail, so we've always assumed the
Phanatic is a bird, which means the Phanatic would probably live in the
bird cage," Hammell said.

The Phillie Phanatic is not a goddamn bird. Misleading the young children of Philadelphia is a travesty.