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The Princess had better not get any ideas. Watching "My Super Sweet 16 Blingest Bash II," I hit the pause button to remind her that, unlike Timbaland's son, Splinter, or whatever, she will not be getting a Lamborghini for her 16th birthday at a bash that costs well over a million bucks and features Missy Elliott, Flo Rida, Lil Wayne and live tigers.

Less than three years away, I've already got a plan and it was time to unveil it for the Princess.

"Your Grandma isn't using her '97 Dodge Neon hardly ever so she said you could have it when you turn 16," I said, pausing for the squeal of delight.

And pausing some more. The Princess's expression was less delight and more horror. Perhaps she was remembering the time she asked me what the handle was for on the inside of the door.

"It's to roll the window down," I said.

"Why don't you just push the button?"

"There isn't one."

"Where are we? Zimbabwe?"

Ouch.

"You don't want to be like those brats, do you?" I said, gesturing toward the TV, where, swear to G0d, the daughter of the Ed Hardy T-Shirt mogul, whose name isn't Ed Hardy at all but something French sounding, was busily flicking her hair extensions about while auditioning male dancers for her party, forcing them to do push-ups with claps in-between.

Moments earlier, we'd watched Sean "Diddy" Combs' son present an oversized check for $10,000 to Haitian relief at his party, which is swell until you realize that his party cost nearly a cool million and the check was undoubtedly just to make him look like slightly less of an a--hat. Didn't work.

It should be noted that I don't begrudge the hardworking young. Justin Beiber bought himself a "Lambo" for his 16th but I figure he's earned it what with fending off marriage proposals from raspy-voiced 12-year-olds night after night. Tres exhausting.

I don't care what Miley Cyrus spends her money on because she basically kept her family afloat for years as "Hannah Montana" which her ungrateful daddy now says "ruined their lives." Oh, puleez. Hannah Montana doesn't kill families; families kill families.

But these are the children of privilege and it shows. Timbaland showed great courage at first, dangling the keys to a very used Jeep Cherokee at his son. "It's your first car, man," he said somberly before revealing the real car, a one of a kind hand-drawn with "sick" Sharpie designs.

Not to be outdone, Ed Hardy heir, Bubbles McVacant, was given TWO cars by her doting dad: a convertible and a pimped-out Land Rover with her name written all over the outside of the car. Who does that? I mean besides Domino's.

The whole show made me miss Opie in that way that every single person my age always says: "Now, Opie, there was a rich kid with his head screwed on right."

And he'd have said "Thanks Paw!" for that Neon.

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Celia Rivenbark is an award-winning news reporter and freelance columnist for The Sun News in Myrtle Beach, S.C. Comment by clicking here.