Dwarf porn star Percy Foster who had an uncanny resemblance to foul mouthed TV chef Gordon Ramsay has been found dead in a badger den in Wales in what reports are calling bizarre circumstances.

The thirty five year old star f X-rated movie Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, It’s Up Your Arse We Go was discovered in a badgers den, partially eaten, by Ministry of Agriculture experts who were checking the den ahead of a planned badger-gassing program.

The midget porn stars 107 centimetre (3’6″) body was discovered ‘partially gnawed’ in the badger burrow, however at the moment it is unclear how the adult actor died, suicide has not been ruled out by investigators.

Adult film producer Dexter Yamunkeh said “Percy was a little guy with big problems… He was doing well but was under pressure like everyone else in this god damn industry.”

In a recent interview Percy Foster revealed his pleasure about his growing career as Ramsay’s double, he also stated: “Porn lookalikes get more money than normal actors. Dwarf lookalikes are as rare as hen’s teeth and so can command top dollar. I’ve already ordered a new BMW and a diamond-encrusted Soda Stream.”

I say mr. Ramsay should cook-up the badger who ate his double look-alike in a porn-star outfit, serve it naked to the deceased midget’s fellow porn actors with a massive errection, in tribute to the deceased actor who seemed to enjoy his job so much, and call the event: “Oh-No Oh-No, Down Our Throat Percy Goes!”

This is the most twisted story I think I have ever read (unless I open the financial section of the paper). The poor guy’s life and death were so excessively strange, that this tragedy becomes ludicrously funny. Suicide by badger?? It also looks like he was partially eaten by the Ministry of Agriculture experts. Punctuation is important sometimes! Um…as bizarre as this story was though, it’s possible. Rest in Pieces, Mr. Foster. Can I have your Beemer?

As disdainful ans disturbing as this article is, I had fun with it by messing around with punctuation! “The thirty five year old star of X-rated movie “Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, It’s Up Your Arse We Go” was discovered in a badgers den, partially eaten by Ministry of Agriculture experts …”

This needs to be made into a musical. I wanna be a dwarf porn star . . . . If only I can outrun the honey badgers . . . Oh, did I mention I look like Gordon Ramsey, . . . honey honey badgers please don’t eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeattt me!!!

Every line of this article is pure magic. My hat is off to the writer. And to the little midget who spent his last painful moments being nibbled by badgers. May his little midget soul rest in dwarf heaven. Let’s bow our heads for a moment and appreciate the little things in life…