When I went to the movies yesterday, Flamin’ Hot Cheetos nachos were discounted and that could mean only one of two things: 1. That shit wasn’t selling and they needed to move bags of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos to make way for real gourmet treats like hot dog bites. Or 2. They were celebrating the 36th anniversary of the birth of Our Lady of Cheetos. The reason is probably #1, but I’m choosing to believe it’s #2.

Britney Spearsturned 36 yesterday, and being the generous saint she is, she gave her fans and the world a gift. She gave us the rare and hardly heard gift of her live singing voice. Mark December 2, 2017, as the day that Lucifer and his minions were treated for hymopthemia after hell froze over when a live musical noted floated out of Brit Brit’s mouth.

After sharing the cupcakes, ripped-off rose petals and thirty millions candles that her muscled-up leased piece Sam Asghari got her, Brit posted a video on Instagram of her serenading her fans with Can’t Help Falling In Love while someone with an iPhone circled around her ass. Brit also filled ear holes with her Chipettes vocals as a response to Madgedoing an acoustic cover of Toxic for World AIDS Day (????????????).

If you’ve ever wanted to know what it would sound like if a chipmunk on helium did a Shakira impersonation while riding in the back of a pick-up truck speeding down a bumpy road, here you go:

Celine Dion and Adele should thank Brit Brit for showing them what flawless technique really is. They can thank her in person when they take her order at Starbucks. They’re both going to need new jobs since the real GREATEST SINGUH IN DUH WORLD just put them out of one.

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