“Barcelona, it was the 341st time that we met” – Freddie Mercury, 1992

“Get a room you guys” was the cry from onlookers at the Champions League draw in Monaco, as Celtic were once again paired with Barcelona. They say familiarity breeds contempt, but the Barca-Celtic love-in continues. Good news for fans of memorable European nights and anyone who’s figured out a way to make money out of those tacky memes that feature Messi raving about the atmosphere at Celtic Park.

Celtic will have to be at their best to stop the highly-rated Argentine forward, known by many as ‘the South American Paddy Roberts’. The Parkhead side were also drawn against Man City and Borussia Drunkensnapchat, prompting pessimistic fans to label it ‘the group of death’. Rangers supporters, meanwhile, have called it ‘the group of same club’.

There was a mix of excitement and tension for Celtic fans prior to the draw, as they desperately awaited confirmation of what cities they’d be tweeting about Rangers from. Rangers fans also watched the draw, in much the same way as Joey Barton watches live coverage of the Nobel Peace Prize nominations. One Rangers fan who avoided the draw was Scott Allan, who might have given it a watch if it hadn’t clashed with a particularly tense episode of Come Dine With Me.

There are some tasty challenges to look out for in Group C, such as Aguero v Sviatchenko, Iniesta v Brown and Messi v Paul The Tim. “So, Barcelona, Man City…how do you pronounce that one?” asked Scott Brown, to which Brendan Rodgers responded “Celtic”.

A new pub in the Gallowgate has been named Brendan’s, in tribute to Celtic boss Brendan Rodgers The pub’s owners revealed that “Unlike our previous pub Ronny’s, we’ll be showing Champions League games”.

On Saturday Celtic played host to Aberdeen, a side whose recent record in the East End of Glasgow could best be described as (insert gif of man repeatedly hitting himself in the head and falling over). Aberdeen players were confused after accidentally scoring a consolation, although Celtic’s defenced played their part by being slower to react than Robbie Savage at a particle physics lecture. “Job done” said a triumphant Derek McInnes as his side kept it below 9.

Thursday saw the first episode of BBC Scotland documentary ‘Scotland’s Game’. A misleading title, given that its main concern was football and not tennis, but well worth a watch nonetheless. Breaking Bad creator Vince Gilligan was furious, claiming that Walter White’s ‘crush your enemies then watch your empire crumble’ character arc was plagiarised in the shape of major character ‘David Murray’. Despite a post-watershed time slot, viewers were left disappointed as there were no scenes of a sexual nature involving Archie McPherson.

Liam Gallagher has announced a solo album, like Mark Hateley telling you he’s going to recreate the 9 in a row years without Ally McCoist. Staying with ‘90s success stories that have little hope of repeating former glories, Rangers travelled to Rugby Park ...

Chris Sutton told BT Sport viewers that Celtic would win the upcoming Old Firm derby because “Rangers centre-halves are horrendous”, before kicking himself for being so uncharacteristically lenient. After another uninspiring performance from his side, Mark Warburton insisted “That just wasn’t Rangers”. Thousands of vindicated Celtic fans replied “See, I told you”.

What Yer Da Did At The Weekend

Watched the last remaining sliver of tolerance drain from Yer Maw’s eyes as he interrupted her show to say “They should do a football version of this and call it ‘Ex Club Factor’ haha”.