3 GOLDEN RULES FOR RELATIONSHIP SUCCESSby Tricia Greaves, Speaker
1. FORGIVE HIM AS EASILY AS HE FORGIVES YOU
How many times has he forgiven you for your mistakes? Are you able to forgive him with the same readiness and willingness? We are quick to assume that our ditzy transgressions (misplacing our keys, forgetting to close the garage door, sending the credit card payment in late, never closing the shower curtain all the way) is cute. So we’re a little distracted, so what?? WE can giggle about it, why can’t HE? Yet when he pulls his own version doing things that we think he ought to know better than to do, we get irritated and snippy. We hope that our stern, disapproving demeanor will help him realize the error of his ways and that perhaps, finally, he’ll straighten up and fly right. If we don’t teach him a lesson, who will? Hint: it’s time to learn to forgive AND to forget! You punishing and controlling nature won’t ever help a relationship heal, so it’s time to take a deep breath and. GET OFF IT!

2. DON’T EXPECT HIM TO MAKE YOU HAPPY
We all do it. We spend countless hours imagining that if only we had a man, we’d be happy. Then, by hook or by crook, we get him and TA-DA! We’re still not happy. Then we decide that if only he would do better, look better, be more attentive, then we’d be happy. So we spend the next several decades trying to get him to do rightso we’ll be happy. The truth is that it’s not another’s job to make us happy. And if you’re pining over having a relationship that you don’t yet have, you’d better check your motives for wanting one. If it’s because you believe it will make you happy, it won’t. Unless you’re already happy. It occurred to me one day many years ago, that if I can’t stand my own company (hence emotionally eating to distract myself from me) why should I force another person to be with me? I need to do whatever it takes to be comfortable with myself before bringing someone else into my world. If you’re already married – please – search within yourself for the true source of your unhappiness and do everything you can to heal. It’s not his fault if you’re unhappy. Chances are you were unhappy long before you met him. Be honest about it!

3. DON’T COMPARE HIM TO ANY OTHER MAN
The human mind (ego) is incessantly dissatisfied with what is. We always wish for something different. We assume that we’ve somehow messed up and should have done a better job choosing our mates. The proverbial “grass is greener” on the other side of the fence and somehow the traits of our friends’ mates seem more charming than those of our own. The fact is that you probably didn’t choose wrong. God knew just what he was doing and you have plenty of growth opportunities right where you are (it is all about growth, not happiness, after all). If you will concentrate on the good things about your spouse that are right in front of you, instead of fantasizing about the traits you wish he had (and certainly never will have if you keep disapproving him), you will be a happier person, and a much more enjoyable spouse.