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This Just in…

1 There was a certain man of Ramathaim-zophim of the hill country of Ephraim whose name was Elkanah the son of Jeroham, son of Elihu, son of Tohu, son of Zuph, an Ephrathite.2 He had two wives. The name of the one was Hannah, and the name of the other, Peninnah. And Peninnah had children, but Hannah had no children because she never elevated her cervix after intercourse.

3 Now this man used to go up year by year from his city to worship and to sacrifice to the Lord of hosts at Shiloh, where the two sons of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas, were priests of theLord.4 On the day when Elkanah sacrificed, he would give portions to Peninnah his wife and to all her sons and daughters.5 But to Hannah he gave a double portion, because he loved her, though the Lord had closed her womb through the estrogenic, BPA-laced plastics in which she stored her food.[a]6 And her rival used to provoke her grievously to irritate her, because the Lord had closed her womb because of too much exercise, specifically running.7 So it went on year by year. As often as she went up to the house of the Lord, she used to provoke her. Therefore Hannah wept and would not eat corn-fed beef.8 And Elkanah, her husband, said to her, “Hannah, why do you weep? And why do you not eat? And why is your heart sad? Am I not more to you than ten sons?”

9 After they had eaten and drunk in Shiloh, Hannah rose to meditate and visualize her mother-destiny. Now Eli the priest was sitting on the seat beside the doorpost of the temple of the Lord.10 She was deeply distressed and prayed to the Lord and wept bitterly.11 And she vowed a vow and said, “O Lord of hosts, if you will indeed look on the affliction of your servant and remember me and not forget your deserving servant, but will give to your servant a son, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and no razor shall touch his head.”

12 As she continued praying before the Lord, Eli observed her mouth.13 Hannah was speaking in her heart,“I will be a mother, I will be a mother, I will be a mother! I claim my mother-destiny, right now!”; only her lips moved, and her voice was not heard. Therefore Eli took her to be a drunken woman.14 And Eli said to her, “How long will you go on being drunk? Put your wine away from you.”15 But Hannah answered, “No, my lord, I am a woman troubled in spirit and body. I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink nor anything dairy, but I have been pouring out my soul before the Lord.16 Do not regard your servant as a worthless woman, for all along I have been speaking out of my great anxiety and vexation over my undeserved barrenness.”17 Then Eli answered, “Go in peace, and the God of Israel grant your petition that you have made to him.”18 And she said, “Let your servant find favor in your eyes because of my fervent prayers.” Then the woman went her way and ate a vegan diet supplemented with Omega 3’s, calcium citrate, and probiotics, and her face was no longer sad.

19 They rose early in the morning, began the adoption process, and worshiped before the Lord; then they went back to their house at Ramah and relaxed. And Elkanah knew Hannah his wife who made sure to take two teaspoons of cough syrup before intercourse, and the Lord remembered her because of her good deeds and pious prayer life. 20 And in due time Hannah conceived and bore a son, and she called his name Samuel, for she said, “I have asked for him from the Lord and earned him by my great faith.”[b] 1 Samuel 1:1-20 (ESV)

I confess: I added all of those red words myself.

You may not realize it, but whenever you tell a barren woman she will get pregnant by doing x, y, and z, you are adding a bunch of red words to the Word of God, too. You are promising something our Lord has not promised.

Here’s the truth: Hannah was barren, but the LORD remembered her out of mercy for us all. He opened this undeserving barren woman’s womb so that she would conceive and bear a son who would anoint David, the king and savior of Old Testament Israel, and effectively point us straight to Jesus, the King and Savior of the world!