When Your Dream Job Disappoints, How to Find Plan B

Key Tasks: Overcome Disappointment, Make the Most of Your Skills

ENLARGE

Caroline Kelso Winegeart of Ponte Vedra Beach, Fla., thought advertising was her dream career, but found the pace and deadlines so stressful that she switched to a job as an operations manager for a marketing firm.
Jason Surfrapp

After years of planning, preparing and perhaps paying for an extra degree, you finally land your dream job—and discover you don't like it.

It's a surprisingly common dilemma. The idea of a "dream job" is drilled into job seekers these days. Increasingly, people expect to find jobs that provide not only a living but also stimulation, emotional fulfillment and a sense of purpose. The image of a career as a source of passion is promoted by career advisers, self-help books and even the glamorous characters in TV dramas. But fantasies about a job can blind job-seekers to workaday realities and to consideration of the best fit.

Dream vs. Reality

Name: Caroline Kelso Winegeart

Dream Job: Advertising executive

Reality: Working in the hip, creative office of a big ad agency wasn't enough to compensate for the stress of having to manage budgets while fielding phone calls from media reps, all under intense time pressure.

Comeback: Focused on building her social-media skills and worked in the field at a smaller agency until leaving for a marketing business. Now runs her own branding and Web-design business, MadeVibrant.com

Told she had creative talent, Caroline Kelso Winegeart targeted advertising in college, heading the advertising club at her university and landing an internship at a big New York ad agency. "This was going to be my foot in the door, to get this glamorous ad-executive job I thought I wanted," she says.

Her first job after college in 2010, as an assistant media planner at McKinney in Durham, N.C., "felt like my dream job," she says. She liked the people and was thrilled to join an agency with national brands and a hip, creative image.

But she hadn't anticipated the complexity of managing a large budget for two accounts, while being bombarded by phone calls from media reps with ad space to sell. A heavier work load and more time pressure than she had expected left her feeling "stressed and so overwhelmed all the time." She had been naïve, she says, to think that "the place I was working was more important than my actual role."

Turning a dashed dream job into a win requires overcoming disappointment, looking hard at where you went wrong and making the most of the skills you have picked up. A good strategy is to ask yourself, "Where can I go from here, to avoid making a complete U-turn?" says Helene Lollis, president of Pathbuilders, an Atlanta leadership-development consultant. That may mean using your current job to develop skills and contacts that might serve as stepping stones to something else.

Ms. Winegeart liked using social media, so she made building skills in that area a focal point of her work. That helped her land a new job building a social-media department at a smaller agency. The skills she gained equipped her in 2011 to leave advertising and take a position for two years as operations manager for IWearYourShirt.com, a marketing business run by her boyfriend Jason Surfrapp. Ms. Winegeart, 25, has since started her own branding and Web-design business, MadeVibrant.com.

Unexpected failures can be beneficial if they jolt people into new ways of thinking, according to a 2011 study in the journal Social Psychology. People who stop and think deeply about what they might have done differently tend to be more creative about reaching goals in the future, the study says.

Some people enter a field for the wrong reasons. Others become enamored with the seeming glamour of a profession, only to find the workplace culture impossible. Sue Shellenbarger and guest Ashley Stahl discuss common missteps and turnaround strategies. Photo: Obi Onyekwere.

All the plans Ashley Stahl made through adolescence, college and grad school were to prepare for her fantasy career in national security, she says. She got a master's degree in international relations, learned Arabic and networked intensively for six weeks in Washington, D.C., attending 90 different events. At age 23, she landed a job with a defense contractor to run a program for the Pentagon. "I was excited and anxious about this huge opportunity," she says. "I was living my dream."

The work, however—preparing senior officials for deployment to Afghanistan—had drawbacks that she hadn't foreseen. She felt isolated in the male-dominated, intensely competitive culture of military bases and the Pentagon. The hours were so long that "my job took over my life," she says. She also realized she had underestimated her aversion to violence. When her employer asked her to consider traveling to war-torn areas overseas, she quit after eight months on the job. "By that time, I'd seen too much raw footage of the worst-case scenarios in the world," she says.

Change of Heart

Name: Ashley Stahl

Dream job: National-security expert

Reality: She felt her job was taking over her life and decided she didn't want to work in the male-dominated culture of military bases or to travel to war-torn places overseas.

Comeback: Listening to feedback from friends, she learned her real strengths lay in helping people plan and achieve their career goals. She is now a speaker and career coach.

Working with a career coach, Ms. Stahl realized she had been ignoring feedback about her real skills from friends and acquaintances, who told her she was good at helping them open up, talk about their careers and learn to network, find jobs and win promotions. She worked briefly at two other jobs, in crisis-communication and political-risk consulting, Then Ms. Stahl, who is now 26, quit to work full-time as a Beverly Hills, Calif.- based speaker and career coach to teens and young adults.

How long should you stay in a dream job gone bad? Quick departures are more common in some industries, such as high-tech work, than in others. It can be fine for skilled employees who find a new job quickly to leave within a few weeks, says Kathryn Minshew, founder and chief executive of TheMuse.com, a career-planning website.

But don't flee unexpected challenges too fast. It is usually better to stay 12 to 18 months to show stability. Also, some people need time to recover emotionally after a career dream goes up in smoke, says Adele Scheele, Los Angeles, author of "Skills for Success." She adds, "If Job A isn't satisfying to you and that's your dream job, you can't just flee to Job B. You may carry your depression with you."

It's important to be aware of why you are drawn to certain jobs. A common mistake is to pick a career without weighing related factors, "such as culture, management style or the work-life arrangement," says Pamela Slim, a Mesa, Ariz., author of "Body of Work," a book about managing changing career paths. "You can be passionate about being a trial attorney without realizing you have to work 20 hours a day," she says.

Some people target dream jobs for unconscious reasons. People who enter sports psychology training programs are sometimes former athletes who failed to achieve their goals. They may dream of basking in reflected glory, according to a study last year in the Journal of Applied Sport Psychology. This makes the work—listening to athletes' problems and helping them figure out strategies to improve—harder, because the psychologists can't keep a healthy distance from clients' negative emotions and problems, says the six-month study of diaries and in-depth interviews with seven students.

Cheryl Heisler, president of Lawternatives, a career consulting service in Chicago for lawyers and professionals, recommends making a pro-and-con list of all the job characteristics that will affect your happiness. It may be important to you to have the latest job tools, or to avoid offices with a party culture, for example, she says. "Any jobs get held up against that pro-and-con list, and that keeps you honest," she says. Talking with people who are already working in the job you want can uncover potential surprises or red flags.

Ms. Heisler advises recasting your broken dream as an asset in job interviews. Stress what you gained, such as new skills or insight into another industry, sending the message: "I got to learn something new. I'm a different person than I was before."

With so many recent college graduates unemployed, living at home and/or working as unpaid “interns”, this article is remarkably tone deaf. The women profiled seemed ungrateful, oblivious and privileged. With all due respect, the “pressure” and “stress” of working in Durham, N.C. doesn’t compare to what happens in Los Angeles or Manhattan. Ms. Winegeart apparently spent her time at McKinney looking for another job before bailing out altogether and going to work for her boyfriend. Gosh, what a struggle.

Ms. Stahl’s workplace woes also are irritating, especially to anyone who supports our military. Military service isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, of course, but bashing the Pentagon is over the top. “Aversion to violence?” Please. Reading between the lines, I’m guessing that Stahl went home, since Beverly Hills is an awfully expensive base for a novice career coach.

Bottom line: both women disdain “jobs” which require them to meet the objective expectations of employers. Their former bosses probably were thrilled to see them go.

My military job taught me the most. I was one of the first females in my career field (which was supposed to have been journalism but I scored equally high in electronics, so they put me there). There were times I hated it and would love to have quit. The life lessons I learned were invaluable. I learned how to handle stress (nothing like having a DI scream at you day in and day out). I learned how to deal with people who hated me (not me personally but females in the military in general) and told me up front they wanted me to fail. I learned to succeed in spite of them without being nasty (they all outranked me) and ultimately earned their respect by being so good they couldn't fail me and eventually became their "go to" person when someone was struggling and needed extra help. Hopefully I made it easier for the women who came after me.

I can't fathom how Ms. Stahl wouldn't think that a career in national security would be primarily in "the male-dominated culture of military bases or to travel to war-torn places overseas." Didn't she watch "Homeland?" This was a very uninformed young woman.

I guess the advice I’d give to any job seeker is know yourself, perform your due diligence and realize in the end the reason they pay you is work generally isn’t all that much fun and few people would do it if they didn’t get paid.

I have had my dream job (president of the company). I worked 60+ hours a week, spent 3 days out of five out of area and was under extreme stress. After five years the body could take no more and I found less stressful work.

The pay was great, the wife loved it but I’d probably be dead now if I kept the job.

Knowledge of what you truly like and can take is critical. On the average the more you get paid the more the payers expect out of you.

I see several things in this article I find disturbing: 1. all of them are recent graduates 2. all of them are under 30 I observe that in the work force these young, inexperienced individuals graduate and somehow have expectations of immediately being the "boss". They have an only an idea of what the really job should be and are bitterly disappointed with the reality. Woman or not, climbing the corporate ladder will have you pay your dues.

I have run through the English and Greek alphabets with career contingency plans. An always amusing interview question was, "Where do you expect to be in five years?" I carefully explained that six weeks earlier I could not have imagined that I would be interviewing for a job across the state. I had played "trailing spouse."

My current job was the result of a conversation with my wife's student (wife was an adjunct professor). After too many years in engineering software, I am thrilled to be actively involved in manufacturing. Shipping a real product feels good.

Your dream job is what you make it with attitude and fortitude. Initially enjoyed a military career followed by an office copier sales career, the latter a chore for most but me an adventure of a lifetime (made Savin a national name snaring the most major accounts during their record year 1978). Never thought about quotas, only the high and thrill of making another customer a happy one.

I first entered law enforcement in the late 1970s, when few women remained and for good reason. I remember writing to my college counselor, Sister Mary Denis O'Grady, outraged that nothing I learned in my criminal justice classes prepared me for the realities of police work, namely the boredom and the resistance from male officers. It was tough. Neighboring police officers put me in the trunk of a squad car, faked a shooting when I was working the desk, and my sergeant asked me daily when I was going to bake cookies and when I was going to quit. I told Sister Denis (God rest her soul) that there should be a required class called The Myths and Realities of Law Enforcement. I ultimately joined the Feds, again hardship, but the environment changed for the better and my career was by all accounts, successful. Nothing worthwhile is easy.

I hate to pile on to so many pages of contempt for the examples in this article. However, I did have to chuckle a bit at someone that dedicated their education to preparing for a career in the service of national defense, to the point of learning Arabic, etc. and who is then shocked that they may expect those skills to be utilized in the field.

I never had a dream job per se. But at least I have always been able to work in my field of study (Marketing Management) as a Business Development Specialist as well as sales and account management (yes they are very much related).

My first career job lasted a good four years, I had rough experiences with my next two jobs that averaged only a year in tenure each, leading up to my current position of almost 13 years where my efforts were rewarded with stock options (not something everyone was granted).

Essentially my two lousy jobs were bookended by two good ones (my first and current positions) and there have been good days and experiences as well as bad ones in all of them, just in different proportions of course.

Maybe my "dream job" is not out there but I know that better job options with a better company always lies ahead when you pay your dues, make the most of your efforts and talents and take a whipping or two along the way.

Why would anyone want to pay a 26-year-old voluntary career drop-out as a career coach and consultant? She has very little knowledge of corporate culture, apart from her very brief stint in defense. I'd also question the ability of someone who lacks tolerance for violence, yet considered her dream job to be in national security. What did she think it would be like?

Then again, she is working in Beverly Hills and there's no shortage of people in BH who are willing to pay lots of money for useless products and services.

Real Life is not like the fantasy world that you've been fed since you were born by your school, your friends, magazines, TV, the movies, all those social media friends who are lying through their teeth about how wonderful it all is, etc.

I think it is important to realize that a lot of entry-level jobs are not that fun no matter what field you are in. They tend to be narrowly focused, repetitive, and lack responsibility. However, they are a necessary rite of passage to higher-level more interesting jobs, although often at the tradeoff of an even greater workload. I think a good rule-of-thumb test of whether a career is for you is if you think you can see yourself doing your the job of the boss of your boss.

If you can look 10-15 years down the road and say "I don't like my current role, but I think I would love to be Director of X in my same career path" then it might be worth sticking around. However, if you are working in let's say, internal audit, and you can't see yourself being the Chief Audit Officer, it might be time to think about how you can leverage your skills, education, etc..for a field you can get up and go to work to without hating life.

In this current economy, a job, whether you love it or not, is better than NO job at all!

Funny how the person, who's in her mid-20s, turned out to becoming a career coach. What possible insight can a younger person have as a career coach to older workers (in their 30s-60s) when s/he doesn't even have much work/life experience? Seriously?!!

I worked in a financial/accounting field for many long years. The hours were long, dealing with people was tough and the pay was mediocre but good enough to live on. The economy and the current changes in the finance/accounting field basically changed within the past 15+ years which made the work environment more difficult and less rewarding.

Admittedly, it's a field that I fell into, not by choice, but I found out that I had a talent for. Some days were bad while some other days were good. You take the good and the bad and learn to deal with it. I liked what I doing but eventually there comes a time when you think if it's rewarding anymore.

The hardest part is when you get laid off! You better learn to deal with life sooner than later. Not every industry is hiring still so it makes life harder! This is also the time to think whether or not a career change is in order especially when you have feelings that your past work life wasn't as fulfilling anymore.

The pragmatic approach is to not stop working as a job means basically everything! One has to live!

"Follow your passion!" as many people have said. It's sheer arrogance from those that say it and may know what they "love" to do but don't expect every field will pay millions.

I've met lots of people in my life that many, ranging from 30s-70s, Still do NOT know what to do with their life but had to make a living, support a family, putting money into retirement, etc... basically... surviving and striving as best as they could.

As long as you like what you're doing, it's great esp. if it helps make you money.

Just remember that there's no such thing as a "dream job" except for what you make of it!

If an opportunity arises, take it because it may not come again!Best to not have (any) regrets in life as long as you take the opportunities when it presents itself, even if it means switching career fields, regardless of the age!Hopefully, it'll work out but you won't know unless seize those opportunities ;)

The ridiculousness of the attitude of folks in this article is astounding. As an immigrant, I never understood the focus on fun and instant gratification, especially when it comes to kids. Not everything you do is fun. My first job was in management consulting, I worked 70 hour weeks and did a lot of mundane things that the senior consultant or partners did not want to do. But I was learning. It's the price you pay to get ready for bigger and better things. And quitting at 26 didn't even occur to me. What a bunch of losers.

This is just part of having a career. You need to find a place that is a good fit with your skills, values, and personality. From the outside looking in, there are any number of companies that would seem like a cool place to work. The reality though may be hell on earth. Don't be afraid to try new things after you've stayed long enough to really give it your best shot.

Sometimes a problem with your "dream job" is actually a problem with the "dream company". There are different corporate cultures for the same career and perhaps the problem was finding the right fit with a different company while still doing the same job.

Not all companies are high stress yet some of the difference might also be reflected in the salary. If the trade-off is money vs happiness, you need to decide which is more important.

NO job is a "dream job." EVERY job ends up turning out different than you expected. When I was in engineering school I was working in the engineering department of a company. During a meeting where things were getting very heated and frustrating for the participants, an older engineer leaned over to me and whispered, "Is it too late to change your major?" "Maybe to something more useful--like theater arts." I was shocked. Fast forward 25 years and I know exactly what he was going through. I love being an engineer, but sometimes I hate the way I have to do my job. That isn't going to change so why expect it to.

It may be a bad idea to retreat when that first "dream job" turns out not to be so. Even if the stress and workload feels overwhelming, it's better to stick with it--at least until it becomes apparent that you are about to shown the door for some reason. Every place is different and you may find that things will be very different in the next job doing the same thing.

Another thing I have learned. If you stay in a job long enough, you realize that everybody around you really doesn't know what they are doing any more than you do. The chaos combined with the stress is something that you can adapt to if you try. You just have to allow yourself to "go with the flow" of the "insanity" of it all. Eventually, you'll emerge as the chief "inmate"--you know--the one in charge of the other prisoners.

The entire "work place" has become extremely dysfunctional. You just have to concentrate on what's most important--family or that hobby you enjoy. You are just trading time/talent for money. At the end of the day (or the career) it really doesn't matter. Just hang in there and don't give up. Running away only leads to more running away when the next situation doesn't turn out to be all that you expected it to be.

One thing that helps is if you have chosen a profession where you can stay attached to the things that form the basis of the job. Not the environment, company, etc. For me, the math, physics, and creative outlet are what I am attached to, not the job or the company. Airline pilots love to fly, doctors love to practice medicine, etc. Even though the company, job, or the work environment aren't what you want it to be, you always have that foundation to absorb yourself in. Also, jobs like that tend to be portable and detached from any one employer, situation, etc. Different company, airline, hospital, etc.

How can one learn to speak Arabic and not learn something of the male-dominated culture?

Didn't anyone sit down with her anywhere along the way and say "Look, Ashley, I don't think this career field means what you think it means."

This is the "everyone gets a trophy" generation where competition is extinguished, high hopes are encouraged and a job consists of sitting in a circle singing Kumbaya and telling each other how wonderful you are.

You are wonderful, high hopes are to be encouraged, but temper that with reality.

The world really doesn't revolve around you. Unless you have a boyfriend with a company...

Yes, of course it does. I've seen people with STEM degrees who were simply not cut out for their chosen field. They usually last only a few projects. Unfortunately, some become project managers or work their way into management.

I disagree. After spending 5 years to graduate with two engineering degrees my first job as an application engineer for a metering pump and instrument company was an education in itself. I had to learn the items not taught at the university such as codes and standard industry practices. I also became interested in a check valve theory developed by one fellow devoted to research in the operation of the pumps with some hard to handle fluids. This was an interested theory that had good application but was largely ignored by the company. The application group was given a large job of coordinating the pumps with various instruments to complete a system to accomplish the needs of the customers that ranged from small companies offering treatment for boilers and cooling towers to the giants of industry such as U.S. Steel and Dearborn Chemical Division of W.R. Grace. It was the application engineer who selected, say, a pH meter and an acid diffuser along with the metering pump and adjustment controls to automatically control the acidity of a cooling water tower to prevent algae growth while protecting the system from an over acid condition that could corrode some system components. We dealt with a variety of fluids with varying characteristics such as thixotropicity and dilatancy. For some fluids like molten sulfur it was temperature that determined whether the material was thixotropic or dilatant, Again, these were not taught at the university. This first job was a real education. I then moved onto being an application engineer for the instrument division and had to learn a new set of variables and how to handle them. Another education.

So, I say an entry level position can be a real training ground for those who want to advance to more complicated jobs. And I agree with Mr. Vollk above that this is not play and that is why they call it work.

I have mentored several people in my career as a consultant - something I realized awhile ago is that if you tell someone that "they have to pay their dues," or that "working long hours on mundane tasks is a rite of passage" - most people get fed up and quit.

I had much better success at keeping engaged when I would tell people that you are currently in a job where the responsibility is low and the hours are long because I need to know that you will perform at a high level even when the work is not exciting. Once you prove that you can deliver under those conditions - I will start letting you work on more difficult (and possibly more exciting) tasks.

Once I told people that - they seemed to get it and were welling to stick around longer.

Most people are not equipped to run their own business, either because they do not have the financial capital or becuase they do not have the skill. A lot of people who are really good at their trade decide to start their own business and fail miserably. In fact, most small businesses fail. I think people really need to evaluate whether they have the capital and understanding of how to run a business, and not start one until they have both.

Very true Timothy...it takse a different person to start and run their own business.

But, just because you don't have those skills doesn't mean that you can't develop them and still be successful.

The one skill I was sorely lacking was Sales. I struggled calling upon and 'shaking the trees' to understand good leads from BS. I'm not a real social guy and still see that as one of my weaknesses. I'd like to believe that my product speaks for itself...the problem is that if the customer or decision makers don't see and experience it, you're done.

I'd also say it's much harder to go the other way...be good at Sales, but not understand or learn the technical details of the product/service. Early on this is critical and why many very successfully executives, at the high-level, struggle in smaller organizations that require a more detailed and multiple hats type of guy.

I thought you were a PHD economist!Perhaps you are confused. Many people leave the corporate world and many of those become successful business owners.Maybe you are thinking of those people that work at the Department of Motor Vehicles or at the EPA.And, by the way, a self employed person is always busy, whether out selling or even cleaning the rest rooms. Got it!

Not really. Most people successful managers and executives in corporations provide considerable influence in shaping direction, not simply carrying out direction set from the top. Yes, they have to collaborate and work toward common startegic goals set by Sr. Management or the board, but micro management and sitting around being told what to do is not a hallmark of most successful corporate types.

I disagree Anna! After a series of jobs in industry rising to running a division for an NYSE company, my wife, also a scientist, myself and several outside investors bought the division in an LBO and we ran it for 16 years before selling the business to a London Stock Exchange holding company.and running it for another 3 years before retiring. So, after the initial learning phases in industry I was self employed successfully.

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