Since my singledom is raging on like a warehouse rave in the late 90's, I'll continue flailing my glowsticks around the online dating game.

I'm using Tinder because it's already on my phone and I can operate the app using one hand while I try on hideous bridesmaids gowns. My best friend recently got engaged, causing me to ponder the idea of soul mates and my own loneliness. Since I don't have a therapist, I decided to use Tinder as a forum for tackling the big issues. After a furious session of right-swiping, I asked these thirsty pieces of geographically determined man-meat if they believed in soul mates.

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Not. A. Chance.

Apparently my profile is lacking.

True Detective or Bust

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Let's talk about sex baby.

This made me laugh so hard. I may have been on Tinder too long at this point.