2/28/2009

Do you use google alerts? It is pretty cool. You can type in your name and each day Google will email you with links to any website that mentioned your name in the last 24hrs. You should try it!

OK-so Beth over at www.Moredoors.blogspot.com (Beth having me on your sidebar made your post pop up in my google alert) just posted a list of things about herself. I have been getting tagged on facebook with list memes and to be honest a)I don't have the patience to figure out how to answer these lists b) when I am on facebook I feel so time crunched that it never seems wise to start a list that will make me think off topic. I can get distracted pretty easily and often never make it back to what I was doing. I am getting much much better at staying on track but thi smeans not answering list posts on facebook. Anyway, when I read Beth's list I found myself saying "me too" so many times, through sips of my first cup of coffee, that I figured I could cut and paste at least half the things and use it to start/shorten making my own list.

So all in blue is from Beth and also a 100% me. I did alter a few things a teeny bit.

~that I never wear jewelry of any kind while I'm inside my house (pathetic since I make jewelry-I also often leave the house without my wedding rings and often wear the same pearl posts I have from Jonatha and Denise every day)~that my patience level for things I don't have control over can be pretty low if I am rushing-and I am often rushing. Blech. Hate rushing.~that I'm a hugger-and a toe to toe pelvis to pelvis hugger. Must admit-rarely hug men-most of my friends are women. I do hug my friends husbands but here I let the toe to toe-pelvis to pelvis thing slide. LOL~that I love to get away with things. When I was younger I was bolder-but I am still pretty bold. ~It is rare for me not to open 3-4 packages while shopping in the grocery store~that I can be very demanding~that I'm finding this season of the bachelor addicting as usual but also feel Jason may be a pretty down to earth real guy.~that I always say "excuse me" to anyone I walk in front of - conscious not to automatically say I'm sorry when there is no fault-it feels submissive~that I'm very picky when it comes to bed pillows~that I don't make my bed unless company is coming over~that I live with an "everything happens for a reason" attitude always~that I love clean sheets~that I love towels right out of the dryer~that I can't carry a tune very well, but sing loudly all the time to the music I love~that I love vintage cottagey interior design

~I have a real issue with being late-and am having to work extra extra hard not to be.~I love love love to talk on the phone. I often talk to at least 4 friends every morning and this is often the reason I am late to playdates.~I love anemones, ranunculus, gerber daisies and peonies. I find roses a bit boring-gasp.~I started to wear glasses for my nearsightedness (so I could stop hunching close to the computer and needing my nose to touch the book to read.~I am a HUGE reader, but rarely finish a nonfiction book. I often have at least 3 books I am reading at once-one is usually a trashy murder mystery or vampire book and the others are business related books. I am enjoying Laurell Hamilton the Anita Blake Vampire Hunter books. I am also enjoying The Answer: Grow any business, achieve financial freedom, and live and extraordinary life by John Assaraf (one of the speakers on The Secret Movie &Murray Smith. It is truly fascinating. Next up to reserve at library is Buzz marketing recommended to me by a girlfriend this week.~I love wine and good food. My husband doesn't have the same aesthetic so I often eat out at nice places with the girls instead. I am a bit of a food snob and have a very sensitive palate. This makes me a bit of a pain to waitstaff when I am dining at upscale places. I don't mind paying top dollar as long as the food is fresh/not too salty/not greasy and not burned. I have no problem sending things back-unless it took extra long to get in the first place. I always tip well.~I love my other in laws cooking, and my girlfriends cooking-especially Renee', Sandra, Genine and Kelly's cooking. Eating at their house is better than any restaurant.~I love to wash dishes at family and friends houses. No idea why but I am thrilled that most of them accept and embrace this quality in me. If you ever have me to dinner-let me clean up if I start to. It means I really like you:)~I am a very good baker, much better baker than a food cook. This seems odd since I am not good at following directions and am impatient, since for baking to turn out well you usually have to be pretty precise about measuring etc.~I want to learn to play tennis~I am almost always in a happy mood on a blue sky day.~I am really wise about things I am interested in and really ditsy about things I don't find so interesting.~I sigh a lot-reminded ofthis the other morning when my son was pretending to talk on the phone and kept sighing throughout the phone call. Oh and he did a big eye roll with one of them. It is not so cool sometimes to learn about your habits from your 4 year old.~Not only am I a hugger but I am a toucher. I often will rub the top of someones back-even if I just meet them.~I get distracted easily-wanted to say get bored easily but my mother used to say people who get bored are boring.LOL. I hate the idea of being boring....

2/18/2009

"Success is the result of good judgment, good judgment is a result of experience, experience is often the result of bad judgment." ~ Tony RobbinsHmmmm...so if success is the result of good judgment, and good judgment is a result of experience and experience is often the result of bad judgment, then...Where do we start?!!? Well, failing, of course! :)We need to quit taking ourselves so seriously and get on it! Emerson tells us that all life is an experiment anyway, so what're we worried about?!?

What am I so worried about. What is the worst that could happen?

Someone asked me this today, and then I open up an email and am asked it again.

I have been having an easier time doing this in my business than in my personal life.

I believe many people have some degree of fear of being vulnerable-of being hurt by being vulnerable.

I deal with it by staying busy. If I am busy doing, I have less mental space to worry about being hurt. I am also protected-or warded off a bit by giving so much energy to a task/job/hobby that there is little room for intimacy.

I have noticed I go through cycles of this in all of my relationships, and this awareness has helped me work on smoothing out the peaks and valleys-or at least trying to smooth out the peaks and valleys:)

It seems I have been having some big and symbolic opportunities to practice this - most recently with Squam Art Workshops 2008.

Rooming with my friend Denise - who being around feels like being tapped into a meditative trance-was dreamy and so enriching. Being around and with so many beautiful, loving, courageous, friends and artists was powerful and so intense.

And then my soul was shifted-lifted up and given wings by the beautiful Christine Mason Miller aka Swirly. I still feel nervous to write about it-nervous to try to define it. Why? Tonight I ask myself "what is the worst that could happen?"

When I am touched deeply and am connected to someone I become spooked. Not by the person. But that it was a fluke. And if I pay too much attention to it, or talk about it, or share it, maybe I will be told or discover that the other person didn't feel the same way. Or I will be made fun of. Or I will find a chink in the fence, that may take the feeling/insight away. I don't know where this comes from......

I was so moved by my experience at Squam that without even realizing it I jumped into being busy. I was too afraid that riding that opened up emotion/feelings would lead me to being disappointed?

I am so deeply grateful that the people nearest and dearest to my heart, seem to get this in some way. They haven't abandoned me even though I get close and then get busy and less connected.

The next step-is to step into the room of cats even though I feel I am as tender as a field mouse. That I keep standing where I am when I find myself getting closer to someone I love or that I feel that deep authentic self inside called to by someone I admire. To stand. Not jump forward (like I imagine I should) or jump back/into being consumed or busy with something (like I think I want to). But to stand still in that moment. In that space. And be ok with the discomfort. To ask myself.