I don’t think there’ll be too many more months that I can take this without it having lasting damage. It’s not so much the disappointment of a BFN that fucks with you, rather it’s the crazy 2ww. It cannot be good for you to feel that unstable 2 of every 4 weeks.

Ducks and I discussed taking a significant break (like 6 months) if it doesn’t happen by April and as much as that thought pains me, I think it may be really worthwhile. But big things will have to change and I’ll have to quit my job because there is no way I can be there for another year AND there is no point in going through the trauma of finding a new job if I’m only going to be there for less than a year. (And I need to work somewhere for at least 12 months in order to get maternity leave…)

Anyway, let’s not get too self indulgent and pitiful – there are 2 months and a lot of things that can happen in that time.

So I recently had something of a breakdown at a friend’s house about my lack of success at this whole baby thing. She let my cry on her shoulder and said nothing except how sorry she was. And then she told me I had to be a long distance runner. Which I now say to you because it rang so true.
xo

bleeding sucks. but then again, bleeding makes it all happen in the long run.
I second the long distance runner metaphor. my k started bleeding last monday and i was sad. But really there are queer folk and straight folk who try and try and try and try with no stickage and then, well then, it happens. to it happening sooner than later and to the journey being one of many learnings–positive and negative alike.