Lately I’ve been paying closer and closer attention to my mind. The thoughts I think. How they impact my day, my moment, the way I feel about everything.

I’ve been noticing how often my mind defaults to thinking about the future. Sure, it thinks about the past, too–things that have come before this moment–but most often it gets caught up in the future. What might happen next.

If I let the future-thinking carry me away, it costs me more than the present moment. It costs me my life.

Because the only place we ever live is now. So if I’m never in the now, I’m never living my life.

If I let it, my mind will convince me that I should be focusing on the future. That in order to create the life I continue to create, I must think about what’s next all the time.

I should always be going “What do I really want to create? What dream is calling my heart? What will this afternoon, tomorrow, or next year be like?”

I’m a big dreamer. I’m big on envisioning. Visualizing.

Becoming an active participant in creating the life that is calling us forward.

Coach Martha Beck has said that a positive character trait, a skill set or strength can become a detriment, if taken to an extreme.

My mind would have me believe otherwise, though. My mind would have me believe that in order to create anything I need to focus on it all the time. Or something will go wrong. Won’t happen. Won’t arrive.

Which is freaking hilarious.

I mean, who do I think I am? God?

I know that the reverse is true: that when I sit back more, rest more, stay PRESENT more, things unfold with greater ease, grace, and joy.

And: they do unfold. Things happen. The things I dream of. And more.

So, what do you say, wanna stay present with me?

Wanna live out this moment as though it were the most precious gift, filled with the grace of the energy of Life?

On how I have practiced, over the years, letting Life take the wheel. On how I actually LOOK FORWARD to the surprises that I’m expecting.

Side note: does that make them not a surprise?

This is something I’ve been practicing.

Letting go.

Surrendering.

Trusting.

Then BAM! Life turned the wheel, and my world spun.

Here’s what happened:

I got ejected from the studio I was working from. I’m kidding–I mostly said that to get your attention. The arrangement with the woman I was sharing with hadn’t been working well for a while. It was, in fact, driving me up the freaking wall. I SO wanted the space all to myself.

But I didn’t get up the go to start making it happen. I let myself get more and more irritated with the current scenario. The one thing I did do was voice it: my dream to have the space to myself. I said “I’m voicing this because I believe it helps things to happen when we do that.”

The next week, my studio mate initiated a conversation about us no longer sharing the space.

The next day, I found a new one. It’s better than the old one in nearly every way. It’s in a neighborhood and building full of creatives, artists, entrepreneurs, and people who are doing what they choose and love. I freaking LOVE it! See pics on Instagram here.

My personal trainer had a major scheduling change and could no longer accommodate my baby-life availability. And I really liked working out with him.

But: my back was bugging me and was getting worse. I had been sleeping mainly on the couch because it seemed to help. I was seeing my chiropractor husband twice a week. It was getting bad.

I was getting desperate.

I needed help, and I didn’t know what form that could take.

The week my trainer told me he could no longer train me, I found ClassPass. And that lead me to two new yoga classes. Which I freaking LOVE.

One of which made my back feel better after a single class.

The other one is three blocks from my new office.

My ‘To Watch” list on Netflix disappeared. How does that even happen?!

I signed up for Amazon Prime and discovered a whole new universe of shows I didn’t know existed and that I love. Including The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.

I recently met up with a Swami friend of mine–he happens to know a lot about astrology. He told me that at this time with what’s happening in the planet part of our world, lotso people are experiencing a shifting of their foundation. A time when what we were standing on is no longer there.

“That’s me!” I said.

Is it you, too?

If it is, I recommend two things:1. Remember the butterfly. Many of these beauties become butterflies after letting go of who they were and the very ground they walked on. As caterpillars. Now, they fly.

2. If you’re willing to sit back and watch, get curious about how Life might be shaking things up for your Highest Good, you just might catch that train to bigger and better and more fun.

That’s what I’ve been saying to the parts of me that show up and go “Hey! You can’t relax! Are you NUTS?! Do you know what will happen if you do? You need to work hard and harder and even harder. And then–again tomorrow.”

Oy. That was exhausting, living that way. And–life changing news flash!–it made everything harder, not easier.

Because if there’s no space, there’s no space for Life to come in and make things easier.

Some of you who know me may be going “Haven’t you been doing that for ages?” Kind of.

I made it a practice a couple years ago to give myself permission to do super luxuriant, nourishing things–even during the workday. Gasp. So I take time out and go the spa, get a massage, sit on a cafe sidewalk and watch people while sipping drinking chocolate.

But something happened after going back to work after having our daughter. My time for working is less. By choice. I have certain times where I can do it uninterrupted. So that old habit of mine of go go go, fill every minute, you have two minutes of work time left so keep going and get this next thing done, too–that habit came back.

The sneaky thing about this habit is that it seems so valid. It seems like “Of course you need to do it all that way–you don’t have time.”

And there it is: that false, stress-perpetuating lie. That we don’t have time. That time is limited. That it’s linear and racing by us. That we have to try to catch up, to make time, to find time.

I did an experiment a couple years ago: I started changing how I talked about time. Which changed how I thought about time.

I stopped saying “I don’t have time.” I stopped talking about time as a master of me. That caused me to think about time differently.

Which meant I experienced time differently.

Apparently, time isn’t linear. It isn’t even logical. It’s like, triple dimensional. Or something. I don’t know the science of it. Someone out there does. Not me.

All I know is it isn’t how we have decided it is.

Time. is. infinite.

Probably.

It definitely is impacted by how we perceive it. If I think I have no time, I will feel that. If I think I have lots of time, I will feel that. And then–and this is the magical part–I’ll actually have more time.

Don’t trust me. Test it.

Like I am. Again. When those parts of me that go “You can’t relax!” get loud, I go “Yup, I can. And I will. I have time. It’s okay.”

This. This is what I have been doing lately. Self-acceptance vs. self-improvement. It’s not work that comes naturally. I’m a recovering gotta show only the impressive bits lady. And lately I’m a mission to change that. For me. For my daughter. For the world. The Things I’d Never Say podcast is all about this. And…

I love lots of things. I love doing lots of things. It can be a problem. Because part of me is always dreaming of more, imagining more, and going “I wonder what it would be like to try ______. I bet it would be SO MUCH FUN!” It usually is. BEING TIME Lately, I’ve been…