Counseling Corner Blog

As a very young and sensitive child, I remember often asking my mother, “Can I ask them to be my friend?”

What’s meaningful and scrumptious to one isn’t to another. Like how do we know when a friend is a friend?

I suppose a lot depends on the connection. Gives and takes are very knowing. For instance:

Being swallowed up whole by a one-sided conversation is usually telling.

Wanting a friendship and thinking there is one but quickly finding out they are too busy, and we were just a leaf they happened to be passing.

Some friendships blossom rapidly while others hesitate.​

Some are polite-like and professional, otherwise known as an acquaintance; those seem to be prolific in this fast-past world. ​

Friendships end and that can really hurt; trust is breached and betrayal stings. Sometimes, we regret having given too many of our secrets away and we watch them drift away.

​Some friendship can never be repaired, no matter how hard we try it is severed and we see them no more but the ghost of them can linger with the whys? I believe there’s still unsolved sides of us and them still to be seen.​

​Each bond, though – from an unwavering friendship to a brief encounter -- are our teachers. Some show us that our boundaries need to be stronger. Others assist us to speak out when our feelings are not seen, or an injustice is real – conflict isn’t wrong because differences are paramount to the multiplicity of just about any relationship. However, very few can let us be our true selves. Some friendships are wishful thinking when really there was no intention on the other end to pick up and connect; we can feel the static in between. Trusting that feeling is strengthening our intuition and asking us to act upon it sooner.

​Friendships are a need to relate with another being and appreciate that moment and to see if it will be an annual-like flower or a forest of evergreens. Will it be an ocean, or will we be an abandoned ship at sea?

​Nevertheless, when opportunity to connect presents itself I have a feeling I will continue to explore and find inside the unseen earthenware being created as we speak and share and learn about the alchemy of our beings; it’s the continued revealing of the shadows of our unknown.

Author

Carolyn Riker is a licensed mental health counselor (LMHC) who provides counseling and coaching services. She is an author of two poetry books: This is Love and Blue Clouds. You can also follow her writing on Medium.