Hi...

I've just had my first mc at 7 wks+3days over the weekend and just feel emotionally and physically drained......I'm feeling guilt and like a failure even though logically I know these things happen and its not my fault and Mothers Natures way of saying my little bean wasn't meant to be but god its so hard......

I feel humbled by the ladies that have been through a few of these as I am not coping with one right now and just can't believe how fab and amazing these ladies are as until you go through it yourself I don't think you truly realise how upsetting it is..........I didn't realise how much it would take it out of me.

Its the thought of one day being on a high and planning and the next just like that - nothing!

Hubby is trying to cheer me up by saying in a month or so (when had a normal AF again) we'll try for another but even the thought of that isn't lifting my spirits right now - when do you feel ready to try again?

I had a mmc in January after 8 months ttc. I'm pg again after another 2 months.

It hurts so much now, but you will get through it. You have to take as much time as you need. It is a bereavement like any other, and you will feel a range of emotions. Noone knows what it is like unless they have been through it themselves.

I had people saying inappropriate things, but you have to forgive them, as they jsut don't understand. My OH didn't grieve for as long as I did as he wasn't carrying bean, and he didn't have the same feeling of guilt.

I waited until my first af, they started ttc again. We fell the 2nd month. I'm scared, but my dr allowed me to have an early scan, and the dr at the scan wanted to repeat in 2 weeks. So 2 scans before my 12 week one.

It's very hard, you take one day at a time. Do something to remember your bean if you think it will help. Don't stop talking to people, that's what we are here for. Have lots of hugs with OH.

So sorry to hear about your miscarriage - I had seen a few of your threads on the YAYW forum for TTC. It is a bereavement and it does take time to heal. I think you grieve for the baby you actually lost, but also for the future you were planning. I had a MMC in March this year and it really knocked the stuffing out of me. And as kind as people try to be, I don't think they really understand unless they have been through it. Their words of comfort - "well at least you know you can get pregnant" really don't help when you are grieving for the baby you have lost. In the end I just told people that I was sad, and it was better if they just hugged me and let me be sad rather than try to cheer me up with their view on it. I also felt like a complete failure, depsite knowing deep down that it wasn't my fault, and then I felt angry, lost, empty etc.

I am finally starting to feel genuinely happy again now, and have been TTC since my first AF. I think it is really important to talk/cry about it with your husband and to have lots of cuddles.

So sorry to hear about your loss Radkad, and sending you lots of big hugs. I jsut had a mc too and felt (and are still feeling) everything that you describe. I kept trying to apologise to my hubby for losing his baby. Even though I knew there was nothing that I could have done, it still doesn't take away that feeling of guilt, whatever the logical part part of me says.

I think you will know when you are ready and for now you just need to give yourself time to grieve, it is such a horrible thing to go through. I was backwards and forwards to the EPU a lot for blood tests and scans (and still have to go back for another one on Friday) and I don't think that it helped me cope with it as to start with there was just that little bit of hope that maybe I wasn't as far along as I thought and things might still be OK. Last week, I would have said that I wasn't anywhere near ready to ttc again but in the last couple of days I have felt a lot more positive and when I am hopefully told on Friday that my HCG levels have dropped I think I will want to try again.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss, you just need to take it one day at a time. I am not saying it will be easy, it wont, but you will get there and it will come as a complete surprise that all the horrible emotions have subsided.

People will always try to say positive things to make you feel better, but they are not always what we want to hear, really they are just feeling sad for you and dont want you to be sad either, as they obviously care for you. But it can seem like they are being insensative by their comments. All it is is the fact they really dont know what a mc is like and dont know how awful the pain is of losing a bean no matter how early the mc was.

Just keep talking to your husband and us on here and when you need to cry, do it, it always feels so much better afterwards.

There are so many of us on here who have experienced what you are dealing with now, and there is always someone with some kind words of support. For me the girls on here have been great and have helped me get through my mc.

Hi Radkad, so sorry to hear your news.... take care of yourself and hubby and take one day at a time. Keep posting here as the ladies were brilliant when I had my MC in early April...... take care, thinking of you

Thank-you soo much for you're lovely replies - not been on for a few days as trying to sort myself out - though not going too well at the mo!!Cried in a coffee shop yesterday with my mum as someones new born was crying........not even like I had a new born anyway but as Josieposie77 said I guess I'm grieving for what could have been too.

Peeps have said the usual things like 'least you know can get pregnant', 'you're young and healthy you can try again' and what not and hubby has come out with some insensitive corkers trying to be funny to cheer me up but not knowing really what to say and its come out all wrong.....bless him.

Work have been really understanding and said to come back to work on Tuesday, once done my blood tests at the hosp Monday and like you guys have said to take one day at a time and come back when I'm ready which is really nice of them.

Thank you soo much for your support, its really lovely of you and means a lot to me and I know in time I will be ready to TTC again but know I will be narotic about the next pregnancy but am pleased my EPU said I could call and go down there for early reassurance scans if I want and to talk if need too and stuff on a helpline they gave me which hopefully help me stopy worrying as much in my next pregnancy - well thats the plan anyway!!