On The Boys, The Men, and Those Not Quite Either

Ali Barthwell, Age 17, River Forest, Illinois

I. The Smart One 1. His arms are made of ginger ale: Mama’s failsafe cure for a stomachache I’ve been aching for someone like him. He’s what they should put in college Viewbooks, but pictures can’t capture how his lips smell of bone: something older and stronger than me. His mouth feels like Nail polish: thick, smooth. We’ve been waiting for someone like us. A girl in glasses ardently seeking boy made of the stuff schools like this are built on to sit under unused lights in a room Where a life like the one we need can bloom.

I’m sick and want someone to bring me hot & sour soup and watch episodes of Daria on the couch

We need to fill seats at a show I’m in or our run will get cancelled

I want a drink but don’t have any money

I want dinner but don’t have any money

I have to go to a wedding

My family asks “When are you going to find someone?”

I’m coming home drunk on the train and need someone to wake me up when it’s my stop

My life is full of friends, family, work, and personal growth but I could use a snuggle buddy

I realize just how much I’m spending on condoms a month

I want to get laid but don’t want to work for it

I want to see a movie starring Vin Diesel or “3D” in the title

It’s cold outside

I think that everything I’ve been doing is all for naught and should just go back to grad school because doesn’t that make sense? Oh god, am I really considering taking out student loans to go to grad school? Someone talk me out of going to grad school

I’m reading a cookbook and none of the recipes serve one

I want to get laid but I’m on my period

I’m Glad I Don’t Have a Boyfriend when:

I need more time to figure out if this is a dress or a shirt in the dressing room at Forever 21

Everyone is so cute

Anyone is talking about Lebron James. Yes, he’s talented but a possible ego maniac and betrayed the poor people of Cleveland. Can we move on as a people?

Game of Thrones is on and that’s Cersei, she’s the queen regent. She’s the blonde one; oh my god, you don’t remember? Jesus, this show is NOT that complicated. Why are you texting right now? You’re not even watching

I read an advice column and someone signs their letter “Cheating in Chicago” and I live in Chicago

A movie theater is doing a midnight showing of Spiceworld

There’s a new cute guy working at the bar around the corner from my apartment

Rompers are so comfortable

I know I will get laid by a stranger tonight because I’m wearing my sexy dress and every other girl in this bar is a plain-ass brunette

I see my friends latch on to doomed relationship after doomed relationship because they’re terrified to be alone