I have tracked my New Year's Resolutions
over the years these are my fantastic results.
Resolution One
2011: I will try to be more attentive to Lauren.
2012: I will pay more attention to what's her name...ah...Lori...I know I'm close.
2013: I will try for reconciliation with Lo.
2014: I will try to be more attentive to Carol.
Resolution Two
2011: I will walk 35,000 steps a day this year.
2012: I will definitely start my walking routine this year at 10,000 steps a day.
2013: I will walk once a week.
2014: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week.
Resolution Three
2008: I will not stare at women's cleavage .
2009: I will cut down the amount of time I stare at women's cleavage.
2010: I will stop being so obvious when I stare at women's cleavage.
2011: I will attempt to stop getting caught staring at women's cleavage.
2012: I will stop increasing the time I spend staring at women's cleavage.
2013: I will seek professional help as directed by the courts.
2014: I will try to stop starring at the female prison guards cleavage.
Resolution Four
2011: I will not let my siblings push me around.
2012: I will stick up for myself with at least one of my siblings.
2013: I will not let my siblings bullying depress me.
2014: I will talk to Dr. Potter and the group about my siblings.
Resolution Five
2008: I will read Clarissa this year all 1534 pages.
2009: I did not read Clarissa I will read Varney The Vampire all 866 pages.
2010: I will read the first 50 pages of Varney The Vampire this year.
2011: I will read some articles in the newspaper this year.
2012: I will try and finish the comics section this year.
2013: I will read one strip in the cartoon section this year.
2014: I will read the fortune cookie thingy the next time I have Chinese Food.
18~12~2014
Sponsor: Regina Riddle
Contest Name: New Year's Resolution

I think in Japanese,
write down my thoughts in English,
then twist it all back into sushi,
a tasty bite to eat.
My mind is origami
folding away thoughts into meditation,
only for thoughts to unfold again,
into a crisp sheet of bright city lights.
I love you big much,
love you big time,
the way you giggle nervously.
Titter-titter,
"Tee-hee-hee!"
Must be amazing to find everything so funny.
Big city, sake sunset,
karaoke moon rises
over a robotic, neon inception.
-transmutation-
Transformer, transformer,
autobotic-neurotic Bumblebee
comes to the aid of Samurai Prime.
"Autobots, transform!!"
Bored of the bright lights?
Weary of the gaijin
doing photo-photo,
snappy-happy,
always looking for a sweet sakura panpan?
Then take a leisurely stroll up to Hokkaido,
less sucky-sucky there,
lots of bow-down-real-low-austerity
alongside the 108 gongs-a-bonging -
chant a few prayers,
speak with the sacred cedars,
take a dip in the hot springs
with some smiling monkeys,
and watch the gently falling snow together.
Nippon, you offer everything.
Can eat 20 times a day without gaining a single pound.
Always room for more.
Can't get enough of miso,
chanko nabe, shabu-shabu,
gyozo, okonomiyaki -
coming up for air,
so I don't drown in my saliva.
I refuse to look back,
refuse to go back to the boredom
of white picket fences and empty dreams.
I am going to stay here forever.
I love you big much,
love you big time,
totemo ureshii da.
March 1st, 2012

Not easy to speak or write a foreign language
How many languages do you speak or write
There are many that comes to your country
who do not know the language ..... it is difficult
I spoke with a "foreigner" today .... nice guy
He worked on the garbage car
A very well paid job in Norway
The box of garbage must be wheeled down to the port
I'd forget ... ran after the car with my box
Smiling and cheerful, he said:
* Norwegian: "Do glemte sitte ut do " ?
- ((Do you forget to put the box out ?))
* Translated: "You forgot to sit on the toilet " (?)
- A smile from reality :)))
14.11.2013
A-L Andresen :)

I don't want to die,
But my mind feels old;
My body is so tired
And my heart grows cold;
Hands itch to slice--
Just the skin--just the skin,
Blood flows out as the pain seeps in.
They wanna give me pills
To treat a pain they haven't seen;
They try to cure the symptoms
Without knowing what it means,
To pick apart my brain
Without dirtying their hands,
While I drown in a sorrow
That I can't understand,
While unhelpful friends throw
Such unhelpful advice:
"Stop feeling sad!"
"Think of things that are nice!"
Meanwhile I wish
for an end to the pain.
I don't need any pills--
Just send me a train.

continued.......
In his bed she hears him approach with long strides.
The covers are over her head as she pretends to hide.
With one swift yank she is left naked and bare.
Meeting his eyes in a longing appreciative stare.
In his bed he falls swiftly into her welcoming arms.
With a fiery passionate kiss he surrenders to her womanly charms.
She hungers for him like she has for no other.
Just being with him sends her into a delicious shudder.
In his bed she helps him out of his clothes as quickly as she can.
Wanting to feel his skin touching hers yet once again.
She marvels at his physique, he is a feast for her eyes.
She can never get enough of him no matter how much she tries.
In his bed she gives his nipple a lick, then a gentle bite.
Her hand grasps his hardness, they both are filled with delight.
She lowers herself and teases him deliberately with her tongue.
The music that they make together has only just wondrously begun.
In his bed he pulls her gently away, for he is on the verge.
He does not want any waiting time before they finally merge.
His eyes light up as they take in each and every curve.
A giggle escapes her lips as she sweetly whispers....."self serve!"
In his bed he is overcome with hunger, his eyes fill with lust.
His lips trail kisses down her arms before they settle on her bust.
Up and down each leg, not a spot he wants to miss.
He feels her body twitch and tremble from each perfectly placed kiss.
In his bed she feels his tongue lascivious lick her inner thigh.
She marvels at his patience, he is unlike any other guy.
She lets out a gasp as he zooms in on the right spot.
He deftly uses his tongue and lips, shy he is not.
In his bed he hears her breath quicken and feels her body shake.
If this is a dream, then he hopes he'll never wake.
He covers her body with his and miraculously they become one.
The pleasure so immense and they only just begun.

My suntan comes from a bottle
My hair from a wig maker in Peru
My legs are very hairy
I have to put my teeth in to chew
I have had plastic surgery
And a nip and tuck
And I'm soon to have my nose done
With a bit of luck
My lips are bigger than Mick Jagger's
And I have that wind tunnel look
And I'm quite a catch by anybodies book
But I'm all man
Well almost
But I do what I can
I do have a six pack
But keep it in the cooler
Yes I'm quite a man
I measured it with a ruler.
So come on ladies grab me while you can
When I've got my teeth in and wig up on my head
They say I look like George Clooney
But then I look in the mirror
And I think they meant Mickey Rooney.
Ar well can't have everything
But my heart is loving and true
I may not be organic no more
With all the plastic surgery
But there's much more than that to me.
Peter Dome.copyright.2014. July.

Stand by me in the fields of dreams,
Where the clouds part and the sunset light beams,
Hear the river as it streams,
Down to where it redeems
Stand by me where the flowers blooms,
Where the sun does not loom,
Out of sight is where the fairies zoom,
This is where the animals groom,
Stand by me under the willow tree,
Where we once fell and grazed our knees,
Here is where the grass made us sneeze
Where we lied and cuddled and squeezed

I have a friend by the name of Tim,
He keeps in shape when frequents the gym.
His Kelly green Mustang he drove
And smack'd it into a cove.
The witches got him and ate one of his limbs!
Dorian Petersen
aka ladydp2000
copyright@2014
October,5,2014

If only...I could start over again.
Took that job in Memphis and stayed away from so-called-friends.
If only...I could right the wrongs.
Find the perfect songs and make you giggle all night long.
If only...My wager would have been on the winning team.
But life is mean and I lost everything.
If only...I would have turned the other cheek.
You can't walk down a street without a coward preying on the weak.
If only...I would have turned left instead of right.
An automobile accident plus the loss of my eyesight.
If only...I could travel back in time.
Do things differently and have peace of mind.
If only...she were alive today.
My mother would shake her finger and say...
"If only, If only, If only!"

There is nothing better than seeing that smile!
Her crinkled nose and effortless style
Chiclet perfect and care free
The best way to be
Angelic
She
With her clique
They just walk by me
It appears I'm hard to see
Still I choose to stick around a while
There is nothing better than seeing that smile!
A school boy's nightmare, occupying the space outside the friend zone.
For Andrea's new form contest.
A name for the form: Double Triangulation.

What if God became a woman what a difference we would see,
And the first thing that she'd tackle is the way that we all pee.
She’ll have seen all the advantages that’s there when you’re a boy;
How it saves with all that squatting, and at night becomes a toy.
She'll introduce discretions, like an air valve better placed,
To save girls sneaking trapped air out and getting all red-faced.
With the aid of hidden pipework, they could whistle merry tunes,
And the playing of this music could be used for clearing rooms.
The next thing that she'd tackle would be partners taking turn,
As a nine months’ stretch is quite some time for carrying a bairn.
If the girls can do the last part, when dear junior starts to rub,
Men could have it when it doesn’t show and take it down to the pub.
And then onward into shaving - where it really isn’t fair,
As the slightest fluff grows on girls’ legs and barely none elsewhere.
I fear that Man’s dispenser will be programmed and re-planned
So a button pressed and wristwork will squirt hot wax in her hand.
And the final piece of justice; she'll see balance to be done,
As we both will have the ‘monthlies’ now instead of only one.
We’ll gladly do the mood swings, and we’ll even have the belly,
But the thought of using tampons simply terms my legs to jelly.
So there we are; the deed is done, at last the world is equal,
But I, for one, don’t hold much hope for this thoughtful female sequel.
And as for: “Will it make things better, or will it make things worse?”
I guess we’ll have to wait and see. Oh shite - I’ve dropped my purse!

The Leprechaun.
.
Run, run, run as fast as you can...
I'm still gonna get you, my little green man...
I grabbed on to the gold buckle on his waist...
I held him down, with no time to waste...
I tied The Leprechaun to a hollow tree,
Broke off a branch and poked him on the knees.
I kept on poking him with a stick.
I kept nagging him to reveal his magic trick.
This little shamrock kid would not break.
He kept insisting THE LEPRECHAUN legend was fake.
This little odd dwarf kept lying about his mythical pot of gold.
I kept repeating all the stories I've been told..
Nagging him and nagging him~ FOR HIS POT OF GOLD!
He lied, about the fables, telling me his gold does not exist...
The Leprechaun refused to hear the clover list...
****
It's been 7 days!
And, still he won't give up, what's at the end of the rainbow.
Tickling his little Eskimo toes,
Running feathers underneath his nose.
"Look you little green treasure troll, I've captured you, and demand the gold!"
"You won't get me with your tricks!"
"So don't even try to outwit me with your silly MAGIC!"
I suppose his silver-tongue, will have to do,
And the little gold buckles on his shoe.
I got tired of trying to make him see, my point of view.
I got a better deal and trade for a monkey at the zoo.
Now the lions are enjoying a Pot of Leprechaun Stew.
After All!
Nothing I did, made him unfold.
All I wanted was his pot of gold!
by;pd

JESTER *''(] :-)
The best days come round and round
Follow the around the world
A Jester you are the crown
A Jester among the crowd
Searching for life from pole to pole!
A professional when it comes to clown
You got the soul to let it roll
Your too clever to hold a frown
Your parole has lost your control
A smile is all you know how to expand
You run - you play - you dance
Implanting a moment, so grand
Lifting the spirit with just one glance.
You are like a substance in high demand
You are the Queen to a blind romance
You stole the heart of a Nobel man
Jester we are at the feet of your command
Parted from the King, who does not understand
The crowd eating from the palm of your hand
No one knows what jokes you got planned
LADY QUEEN YOU HOLD THE SOUL OF A JESTER
Suited up in pinkish - purple - green polyester
Everyone bowing to you where you stand
Excitement towards the Queen, who plays the Jester
Jerking the kingdom of her land
Jester you play the role of the best mind molester!!
*''(]:-)
SKAT

Offended is an expensive Vintage
blended
lacking precision
I recommend a less sulfuric fermentation
-----------Varietals-------------
grapes of wrath
so much to offer
each glass
examine
swirl
smell
breathe and savor
see legs of the vine
tannins to taste
or we can
over drink
over think
get wasted and offended
tick clocks fast
amidst boiling stew
issues skewed by our own jaded views
we can be peaceful
yet perceived to push hate
our temple may become damaged
via friendly fire
and as for poets...
we may be the single most egotistical, emotional, tremendously divine
individuals of all time and we know it!
we laugh when skies cry, seek solitude as joyful crowds arrive
we write and write 'till pens run dry of ink
we, the Swiss cheese...
we pretend to be bulletproof, whilst writhing inside
we juxtapose
we justify
we jigsaw puzzle brothers and muzzle others
we control situations then
recite white lies to
monopolize conversation
all the while remaining dedicated to being offended
with loose change and pretentious
and boy we've figured out the whole Multi-Verse because
"My Deity can beat up your Deity!
yet, let me not be the last fool to promise you,
we are so miniscule, the god's will be too busy swinging sticks on the golf links
to visit you before the toil of your sore drama is through
we must pave our way, keeping heads clear and high
stamping urgency upon trusting self
Mister Bob Marley sang it best with: "EVERYTHINGS GONNA BE ALRIGHT!"
shhh...LISTEN
upon this short enlightening journey
exists a plethora of big aspirations
we'll fail to grasp if our hopes swirl in the vortex of black clouds
sidetracked
offended at misunderstandings and minute words
burning midnight oil on the spoil.

It was time to sit little Timmy down
It was time to have "The Talk"
"Timmy" I said "Timmy your daddy is the super hero known as"
it is here I took a dramatic pause and finally said
"Cabbage Head"
At this point i waited patiently,
patiently for Timmy to stop laughing.
I tried to continue but Tim wouldn't have it
"no dad please, please don't speak I'm trying to catch my breath"
I remained silent. Just then Timmy said
"so whose your sidekick cauliflower ears"
he was now gasping for air through his hysterical laughter
Timmy I said "calm down we have to talk"
Timmy stopped laughing but then he added
"so where do you keep your Super Hero costume?
In the vegetable crisper" back to Tim laughing
which led me to believe Tim was being sarcastic
" What's your superpower? The ability to
control itty biddy Bunnies to do your bidding,
(again with the sarcasm)
turning meat eaters into Vegetarians.
(my child hits the nail on the head)
So who is your arch nemesis Vegetable Chopper, he slices he dices."
(this kid knows a lot about me)
"No no I know Salad Dressing he drenches you in his juices
until you wilt." That's ridiculous I think
I would never fight a bad guy named Salad dressing
...again.
I decided I would give Timmy some time
to absorb our serious talk while I made a call.
In fact I decided to wait until the next day
I had to call my sidekick. The phone rang. He answered
I said "Cauliflower Ear is that you"
Maurice Yvonne
August 30 2014
You're a Super Hero
Poetry Contest-Carol Eastman

Some women bring happiness wherever they go forth
Others bring happiness, whenever they go. I do both
All the times husbands like to see me come
Wives prefer to see me go. That’s my outcome.
Dr. Ram Mehta
=======================================
Fifth place winner
Contest: Giggle poetry contest # 2 in Honor of John Freeman

The sound of thick bubbling,
with the smell of fresh blackberries.
The stains upon our fingers and clothes,
all part of my homemade jam memories.
Growing wild along the roads,
the brambles tall and thick.
Pails and buckets overflowing,
eating our fill as we would pick.
The kitchen, busy as a beehive,
those tasty berries getting mashed.
The "Women" all worked together,
young or old, we each had our tasks.
Four generations, making jam.
"Puttin' back" as it was called.
I still remember the stories told
and the laughter from us all.
Not just a smile does it bring,
a calmness pours soft over me.
A giggle will well up time to time,
at my homemade jam memories.
For the contest: Sounds and Smells
Hosted by: Frank Herrera
Placement: Honorable Mention

when you're in love
you write really bad love poetry
when you love a woman
you want to relive with her
every great moment you ever had
both of them.
clouds look like hearts, and a few look like ducks
you know, quack, quack ducks.
if you love someone,
you walk into the wrong house
you stain your tie during lunch
you walk into people
(a big guy peoples, he's not happy
you run...really fast)
to a man in love
roses look perfect
even if they're tulips
...sorry honey.
you build a white picket fence
with the pickets wrong side up
when you love someone
you take out the trash
from someone else's house
when you love someone
you quit your job as a superhero
you get rid of your trusty sidekick
you give away your bat mobile
you give your arch nemesis the bad news.
you write goofy stuff,
and mickey stuff too.
i'm in love
so i write really bad love poetry
really?
really!
really?
really,
i'm in love,
so sue me!

Sometimes I Feel Beautiful
Driving along thinking about what I’m about to do brings a smile to my face. Without a doubt my hair and nails make a big difference in the way I feel about myself! When I look pretty; I feel pretty.
Today my nails will be done in pink and white, oh yes, perfect they shall be. Nothing short of looking delicate and refined I tell myself. I am so excited; the anticipation brings joy into my heart and laughter to my lips!
My hair appointment is closing in. High lights and shaping adds a playful and fun demeanor. Beautiful is how it’s going to look and beautiful is how I’ll feel. I almost need to pinch myself for I wonder is this really happening to me! Tears sting my eyes and giggles flow forth. Yes; this is my life and this is happening to me!
Thinking of my new makeup and how youthful I’m going to look brings joy into this heart of mine. I can hardly wait to put it on as the excitement builds; I dance around and giggle. I feel so beautiful thinking how perfect I’ll look with everything finished.
At times I tell myself, “I know he loves me, I can tell”. The glowing in his eyes seems to sparkle with love and passion. My Heart beats a little faster as excitement and wonder fills my entire being! Yes, this is how it should always be, a life filled with joy and laughter.
Finding ways to look beautiful helps me feel beautiful. It’s this that causes me to giggle and dance about. The unbridled excitement loosened, flowing through my veins fills me with love and wanting. Tomorrow just maybe this joy will add new meaning and direction causing me to continue feeling beautiful..
Debbie Knapp

You call me insensitive,
But I don't believe that's true;
Because, you see,
It's all about me.
It's not about you.
You say your opinion doesn’t matter,
That I’ve no respect for your point of view;
But I do if we agree,
Because it’s all about me.
It’s not about you.
You say I’ve no compassion,
No feelings for your troubles or your blues;
But none of us is issue free,
And mine are all about me;
But…not about you.
A time old adage,
“To thine own self be true.”,
Is all about choices you see.
My choices are all about me,
And, certainly, not about you.
So, when free or forced to make your choices
You’ll understand and know it’s true
To decide what will or will not be,
Won’t be at all about me;
It will be all about you
But special moments confront each of us,
When what matters isn’t “Me”.
And while these moments are few,
They’re not about me, not about you.
For a time, it’s all about “We.”
Yes, “…no man is an island.”
Is a valid point of view;
But if it’s not about “We”,
Then it’s all about me.
Sorry. It’s not about you.

-honestly...I have no clue why...-
As I began to rest in my fickle dream
Suddenly I was stirred from my sleep
I was greeted by many a whisker
And petulant snores from my sister
The cat mewed ferociously and purred
For there on the other side of the window—was a bird!
It chirped like a wobbly siren—the ass!
And I swear by my bosom it was pecking the glass
Suddenly, I sprang up in alarm
I swear my bosom was gone!
The cat then motioned at the feathered brat
For her bright breasts seemed extra fat
Of course it wouldn’t have been that
But I couldn’t just blame the cat!
I opened the window only a crack
And asked very kindly, “May I have my breasts back?”
Such pride she attained from my bosom
Yet why? –how would she use ‘em!?
The mockingbird merely turned a goodbye
But the stolen twins were too heavy to fly!
She plopped to the ground and squawked
I would have laughed, but I was shocked!
The cat scratched at the window and with her eyes
Said, “Prithee, take your breasts—she’s mine!”
Before I could think I had fallen to the ground
To a booming, most terrible sound!
My eyes then opened to a cat on my head
As the booming sound continued from my sister’s bed

You could always make me laugh
You knew just what to say
Your jokes could be so freakin lame
But I'd giggle anyway
You'd take me out to eat some ribs
We'd laugh and stuff our faces
Our waitress couldn't help but smile
While we joked of life and its fazes
You were crazy and hilarious
Constant, caring and sweet
You made me feel like I could soar
I could conquer any challenge I'd meet
I got to meet your 'family'
And loved them from the start
I'd found some friends to keep forever
But you and me, we've grown apart
You weren't supposed to walk away
Now memories is all I got
I try to forget and move ahead
But my heart has saved you a spot
I promised you I'd be your friend
No matter, come what may
I'd forgive you and encourage you
I'd never walk away
Now I've done my part and said my piece
I've tried to make you care
But all I get is hurtful silence
It all seems so unfair
But now I realize I'm a fool
And this one thing I know
I've drained myself for one who won't care
And it's time to let you go