Some people say I’m afraid of commitment; that’s just bull puckie. I like commitment, in fact, if you’re anything like me you get into commitments all the time. That’s what friendship is.

I’m not afraid of commitment, I’m afraid of women. How many times have you ever heard “Man, they found some guy dead down by the railroad tracks; they’re not sure who did it, but they think it was Commitment.” You’ve never heard that. How about “Last night at 4 in the morning Commitment came by my house, snuck in my bedroom window and burned all my pictures.” Nope, never heard that either. But you find guys all the time all chopped up by their wives, their girlfriends, or their wives’ girlfriends. I don’t want to be one of those guys.

I’m not saying all women are psycho. Well, they probably are, but I’m not saying it. Well, I just did… Um… Please don’t kill me, not-psycho women… And Santa Claus… And the Easter bunny… And anyone else who doesn’t exit.

“But if all women are psycho, why do you have so many friends who are women?”

Oh think you’ve got me there? Ha. Ever heard of “Keep your friends close and your enimies closer?” You bet I’m friends with lots of women. I’m really good friends with the super-crazies just to keep closer tabs on ‘em. You never know when they’re going to snap, sure, but if you’re around when they do, at least they won’t sneak up on you.

Hmm, maybe I should rethink that… if only for the sake of Mr. Bobbitt.

But if I keep chasing this line of thought, I’ll wind up pretty quickly under the impression that I should marry the most psycho woman I can find just so I can be really sure when she explodes, I’m the first to go. Who wants the stress of knowing some psycho woman is out there, and she’s flipped her lid, and she might be coming to chop you up in little pieces?

Ok ok, enough with the silliness. Seriously, it’s not that I haven’t “found the right woman yet.” I’ve found so many “right” women, it’s just crazy. You would not believe the flawless quality of the vast majority of women I know. Whatever standard or metric you would use to judge “good enough” would be blown away by most of these women. I am surrounded by women whose friendship, affection, generosity and love I couldn’t deserve less.

So why am I still single? I am willing to wait for my wife. Not for someone to fill the position. I’m waiting for my wife. There is someone who already has that position; I’m just waiting for our paths to cross.

I’m willing to wait. My wife isn’t in my life yet, at least, not as my wife. Until that time, I have plenty of people to concern myself with, and plenty of things I need to do. So for as long as I am single, I will be single, and not concerned with changing that. It will change when it is time.

This isn’t hopelessness, nor is it fatalism. I am not saying I’ll get married if it just happens to me. I do not pretend that marriage doesn’t take an inordinate amount of work. But stop for just a moment and consider this.

There are things in my life that I do have, true friends, a loving family, and more toys than a grown boy should have. There are things in my life I do not have, a fancy car, the perfect job, a wife, and a rhinoceros. If I worry about the things I don’t have, I do not get them any sooner, and I neglect the things in my life. If I worry about the things I do have… well, that’s just silliness, they’re already a part of my life.

I’m single. If I worry about not having a wife, I’ll neglect the people who are already in my life. If I chase a life I don’t have, I’m completely missing out on the life I do have.

So no, I’m not afraid of commitment, or of women. I’m waiting, and until my wife shows up, I’ve got plenty of people to worry about whose paths have already crossed mine. Like yours.

Fuwjax said on 2004-08-08

I won’t pretend to know anything about my wife, but I wouldn’t think she’ll be the most selfless woman on the planet. Seems to me, she’d have to be pretty selfish and arrogant to think she’s special enough to marry me. Frankly she sounds like she might not be a very nice woman at all. Maybe I don’t want to meet her… :)

I found this in the diary I mention in the next post, I found it a bit funny that I’ve felt this way for so long.

I have known some of the most beautiful women on the planet. It blows my mind that they even bother to talk to me. It is beyond belief that some of them like me. It breaks the scale of feasibility that they consider me a friend. It is simply impossible for any to love me, yet they do. And I am astounded by the fact that my attraction to them is bounded by “good friend” and nothing more.

Anonymous said on 2004-08-05

I would like to meet your wife. Know why? Because she will be, hands down, the most selfless and least selfish woman I have ever met.

I know this because, as I told my own husband just yesterday (yes, yesterday!), despite how wonderful you are, I could never have married you. I’m too selfish. You see…you love too many people and, even more importantly, too many people love you. It would be like being a minister’s wife. No, it WOULD be being a minister’s wife. :)

Therefore, I would like to meet your wife. You just keep that in mind. :)