Menu

The Turd Show

Hello fellas! This is an article about the bollywood film Krrish 3 that I watched last week with my cousin whom I called like Roman do with Niko Bellic in Grand Theft Auto IV. He accepted and we made a plan to watch it in a truly authentic Indian Cinema Hall of a small town. As this film Krrish 3 belongs to be watched on a place like that. Desi sci-fi superhero bollywood film in a desi cinema hall. The name of the theater was “Jwala Talkies” means Fire. Just after listening the name I got scared of seeing fire in between the show. But after lots of consultation to ticketwala I was believed to feel secure.

This is the image of the exterior of the cinema hall that I took from my luxurious sedan as we were the second owner of a car who came to Jwala talkies to watch the film. They put the sign of Dolby Digital outside as I experienced mono sound may be because audience were making so much of enthusiastic noise most of the time. As you can see most of the people came in their black bicycles that are quite ergonomically designed and have feature of upgraded lugged roadster frame work and a white bag made of soft and ripped off cotton cloth that is very admirable due to it fashionable environment friendly nature. Like this was the true desi swag muffin in the house.

So first we enter in the hall the ambiance was filled with villagers who came to town from their villages wearing new clothes and oil combed hair. Wearing brand new shoes of funky colours, shining their big screen micromax and other Chinese phones. There was no serious sitting arrangement, everyone is free to wherever they want on the first come first basis. That is why crowd was making noise as the needle moves to 12. There were only two types of ticket. Deluxe where people sit in ground floor in just 40 rupees including all taxes and balcony in the upper floor by paying 20 bucks more. Seats were fixed, non-adjustable, hall smells like mixture of piss, booze and semen. But the people looking really fresh and enthusiastic for the film as it is the third part of Krrish trilogy started by the film Koi.. Mil Gaya (2003) and Krrish (2006). The film was highly anticipated after the gap of 7 years.

Spoiler Alert: I would advise to read after watching!

As we remember in last part the story revolves around how Krrish (Hrithik Roshan) fight that crazy ass scientist and meet his father in the end. Initially in the movie Krrish 3 scientist Rohit Mehra is working on a device like that can bring dead organisms to alive. Getting life in dead bodies with the help of sunlight reflections. Remember he use to be a scientist in the field of Physics where he invent Time Machine in previous part Krrish (2006). Now he is doing in the field of life science and Biotechnology. Wow! such a great scientist.. like where you see such a multi-talented person in the field of science. All thanks to his Bornvita eating habit. He lives with his macho son Krishna with muscular abs, chest and biceps made by steroids and hottie daut-in-law Priya who calls Papa Papa all the time to Rohit for no reason. Maybe because Priyanka’s real father expired recently.

Krishna (Krrish) use to be work as securitywala in SIS, gets fired after a single scene. Yes, a superhero who is super intelligent, has ability to pass IIT, PMT, CA, IAS, IPS like exams like a boss but no! as his Dadi (Rekha) had not provided formal education to him for security reasons. Yea! blame Indian Education System here. A man who can pass any competitive exams has no right to appear just because his not graduated formal high-school. India needs an answer!. Later he worked for his wife in which he demanded 1-2cr kisses in salary. *May God Allah aur Bhagwan bless her big fat lips*. Krrish saves life mostly of kids and tell “Hum sabsme Krrish hai”. That reminded me of Dark Knight Rises’ “Anyone can be Batman..” dialog.

Priya (no surname), now Priya Mehra is a journalist working in Aaj Tak. And only the bread and Bornvita bringer in the house as his husband was jobless most of the time and her Papa remains busy in research. Still she is a great wife and doesn’t act bitchy like Preity Zinta in Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna maybe because his macho husband is good in bed. In previous part she use to work in Star News office of Singapore. She probably got move Aaj Tak as they offered her more package or she got fired from there as she use to make-up all the time or any other unknown reason. Whatsoever!

On the other hand there is a story of a mutant Magneto… Errr Kaal *Iss Kaal Kaal Mai Hum Tum Kare Dhamaal* without a surname as he is in search of his biological father. This is Vivek Oberoi’s debut negative role. *wooowww! Everyone is so excited for this after his highly criticized artistic work in his last film Grand Masti with r silent. He was in an unknown malady where his only two parts of the body was in working condition. First his head and second is his two digits (fingers).. index and middle to be exect. *You know what I mean*. He lives in a laboratory far away in a place like a typical super-villain with principles. He is super intelligent, blah.. blah.. has created mutants which are half-human-half-animals called “maanwars”. They can sponsor Manyavar stores and get good money but they didn’t, I’ve so much respect for that.

Kangana Runout (Ranaut) as Kaya is one such mutant creation of Kaal by crossing human DNA with a chameleon. She always lookout for a cure for his malady with his other experiments. Her superpower is that she is a shapeshifter just like Terminator T1000. In introduction she said something like “Alag, anokhi, adbud hoon main, kyunki mera koi ateet nahin sirf” to a man in a seductive way. So, basically she is playing a first year Indian college girl and wants to convince that she has no past, no affairs in her life and desperately needs a man. 😛

There is an other experiment which Kaal cross breed human DNA with a frog, probably called Frog-man who uses his big long tongue to kill others, in other words he is playing Emran Hashmi. Frog-man has some serious issues that he can’t see others eating ice-cream. Just because of that Krrish comes and beat the shit out of him. The graphics while fighting with Krrish reminds me of good old days of Boomber chewing gum ad.

Later the story moves around here. Kaal spreads some kinda unique virus like in the movie The Amazing Spiderman. The hero protects the spreading of virus in Mumbai city and saves the life of millions.*Yawn*. There comes the intermission.

This is the actual image of the scenario in the interval. From Cold-Drinkwala to Papadwala come there and start to sell their items before getting drinks and popcorn in PVR was cool. As you can see above Papadwala selling his papads for just 5, a dude relaxing in his funky new fake branded shoes. FYI Padpadwala gives papad and take money with his same hand. Immunity of people against harmful germs and diseases gets stronger by eating those papads. I tried and still suffering from lose motions. Here is the sound of cold-drinkwala making a special sound to ask for drinks just like frogs croak to get laid. https://soundcloud.com/uceejay/cold-drinkwala . So all and all everyone was happy crunching and drinking like they are having their picnic out there. There was poor kid of about 10 was eating a piece of pastry like he has never eaten before. It was the happiest moment of his life. :’)

Enough melodrama, back to the movie. So the film moves where Priya get injured in some fight and get kidnapped by Kaal so that he can take DNA of Krrish from her fetus and make some other maanwar. He send Kaya for the replacement for Priya in her avatar and make them that her baby dies like Dabangg 2. Irony is that they can’t find she aint real, may be because Priya is treated like an object in her family. There are so many sarcastic dialogues in the film that not everyone can understand.

Later that *chudel* Kaya fall in love with man with juicy hard abs Krrish maybe she got bored with Kaal unparalysed two fingers and want a better man. But later on after coitus experience, Krrish understands that she is not her wife Priya but some other woman maybe because Priya loves anal. Rohit went back to Singapore and get to understand that he has a biological son which he was not aware of.. *Hufff Mahnn..!!* and that son was Kaal *Surprise Motherfucker!* He kidnap him to find cure of his unknown disease. And *Bang!* Krrish enters beat thugs with the help of Kaya. Kaya get killed by Kaal. Later he moves to Kaal but he get late and Kaal get cured and become some Crap-Man, crap because his low budget villain costume is made of cheaply painted aluminum coloured shit. He achieves his full power and kill the sexyboy Krrish, Yes there are three times where Hrithik Roshan dies. After seeing his corpse of Krrish, his dad Rohit scarifies his life by using is unprocessed life giving Sun machine with his magic pen that has been sponsored by Flair pens. *Second Time*

The Krrish flew away to Mumbai city where Kaal is preaching all to worship as he is the new God, Krrish is dead now. Priya says “Krrish ek soch hai, jisko koi bhi Kaal khatam kar sakta.. blah.. blah.. I was like Krrish ek chori wali, gandi aur ghatia sonch hai. *Bang!* Krrish comes and starts to beat him like usual. Many Mumbai buildings get thrashed. Moves to Tata Motors service center where Krrish get stabbed by a metal cylindrical pipe in his abdomen *Third Time*. As Kaal can’t die like that Krrish uses his father’s magic pen, somehow get reflection from the buildings of Mumbai and vanish Kaal.
Later on Priya delivers a baby boy who get named after his late grandfather Rohit. So, basically in every Krrish series there would a Rohit Mehra. And main job of actresses is to give baby for sequels. Baby showed his signs to have super powers of Monkey-man more whatever. I will not be surprised if he has Kaal’s trait. People for 3 to 6 show already started to get enter in the hall and started to fight for pre-occupying their seats. After that I went to local market and bought wrist band by Krrish and this water bottle for gym so that I can get those abs one day. Amen