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The Song I Hear

This is the Song I Hear...tell me what you think. And it's not quite finished, so if you want something changed, suggest it.

I hear all this Earth singing, a solemn and mournful tune.
From among the forests, across the seas, and o'er the sunscorched dunes
Come a chorus of dirges all with but one song, telling of the same fate
And zealously trying to redeem the choir, but the entreaties were made too late
To undo the regrets, and relive the past, to go back and change their lives
Unbeknownst to the ensemble, their songs are worth naught, and only deeds shall suffice
For they themselves caused their tribulations, and now in agony must dwell
But no cruel torture is this penitence, for they have earned it well
Rarely will you find an innocent here, and all of them are babes
Some have been born addicted to drugs, while others' doom is AIDS
I know now why babies cry, and why their teardrops fall like rain
Bereft of the chances we have had, their lot is undeserved pain
And yet still they lament and moan, and cry on heaven's door
They should not have had to bear this burden, this was not their chore
Their cries have fallen on deaf ears...all except for mine
Only I can hear the children crying, only I hear their piteous whine
Alone, I can do nothing, but listen and comfort their fears
And try to sing with my loudest voice, and hope for a different set of ears
I pray that the next person to hear this elegy, will add their voice to mine
Together, we can do something, and change this world in time
But this paradise was not meant to be, and this wish can not survive
For there are few people who hear this song, and only we can keep it alive
So my hopes and dreams will fade away, and all that will be left is the tune
But maybe it can convey to you, the awful despair that still looms
Over this earth like an empty cloud, like a shadow on this land
A storm cloud that can only be lifted, by the power of a caring hand

That really is a great poem! And if this isn't finished yet, would you please post the rest of it? I'm kinda curious what else you have to say. And I'd not do any changes to it, it's nice the way it is.

I can't criticize it really...its just too good. Comparing it to my own poetry, it would be as if I were trying to critique the poetry of Robert Frost. oops I mean this...I'm not just trying to boost your ego. Have you published any poetry yet?

tjg1098 wrote;I know now why babies cry, and why their teardrops fall like rain
Bereft of the chances we have had, their lot is undeserved pain
And yet still they lament and moan, and cry on heaven's door
They should not have had to bear this burden, this was not their chore

Yeah, the cry of babies born disadvantaged into this cruel worls is the sound of the most tragic song or music one could ever hear!
I like the subject material of your poem - it's something I covered myself in a poem I'll post here sometime. Nice to see such a perceptive caring person

I pray that the next person to hear this elegy, will add their voice to mine
Together, we can do something, and change this world in time
But this paradise was not meant to be, and this wish can not survive
For there are few people who hear this song, and only we can keep it alive
So my hopes and dreams will fade away, and all that will be left is the tune