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Friday, May 2, 2014

I am not mother material

The past twenty minutes have completely convinced me that I am not cut out to be a mom. This is not the ideal job for me.

I can not keep a straight face when my children do bizarre and ridiculous things. And that's a staple in any mom's bag of tricks. You're supposed to laugh after the children wander off. I am not equipped for that. I giggle. A lot.

On the ride home from preschool, this is the conversation we had in the car.

"Mom, I went to Kindergarten yesterday."
"I know buddy. Did you learn anything interesting?"
"I learned how to be a kindergartener."
"Does that mean you are ready to start your big school?"
"Yep. It also means I don't have to go to my crusty old school anymore, right?"

This made me absolutely giggle out loud. Explaining summer vacation and starting big school in the fall seemed to help him understand he still had to finish going to his "crusty" school for a few more weeks.

We pull up out front of our house, and he asks me if there is a bathroom in the car.

"Does it look like there's a bathroom in the car?"
"Noooooo........"
"Right, so you have to go inside. So let's get out of the car."
"Ok, can I wait for you on the sidewalk?"
"Yes."

Simple right?

NO! I turned around from getting the baby out of the car and my son's pants and underwear are around his ankles, a group of high school boys are giggling from 3 houses down, and my son is yanking away at his hoo-hoo.

Apparently he didn't think anything of whipping his hoo-hoo out in the middle of the street and peeing. I screeched "PULL YOUR PANTS UP AND GET INSIDE!" Which caused him to turn around, still holding his hoo and explain the reasons why he should be able to pee wherever he wants. He did go inside to the bathroom, and I had to stop on the porch to catch my breathe from all the giggling.

Not every day in my house is quite so amusing, but today sure as hell took the cake of the most amusing day of the week. And since it's only the second of the month, I'm wondering if this will win most amusing of the month.