I'm an existential questioner that likes to discuss controversial topics, hang out with my animals, listen to the Joe Rogan Experience, and expand my mind.
Find me @bonniesein on twitter and instagram to see what I get up to outside of this blog.

no regrets.

So on Friday night at BJJ, I tried this move I learnt from youtube on escaping full mount to half guard... and I actually did it. It was awesome. And I pulled rubber guard (a very poor version of it anyway) on a dude as well, but he got out of it. It's funny because when I watched Eddie Bravo's tutorial on it, everything happened that he said would happen. It was weird. But exciting. And then I got arm barred or something. I need to get better at submissions. And not exposing my arms. But then last night I rolled with a blue belt at my gym, and he was like, "forget submissions, just work on getting to the mount". Which is great advice because really, I barely know what I'm doing from a defensive perspective so offensive is kind of out of my realm right now. He did take me through a few cool moves though, which I furiously tried to remember when I got home as I know he'll be testing me next time I go. Half the battle is remembering everything. I've been keeping a diary though to write down what I learn in class each night. That helps. I remember things way better if I write them down. Last night we just straight rolled for an hour. It was intense. I got hit in the face too and got a fat lip. And then I got mad mat burn on my foot. Mat burn is a legit injury. And that's coming from someone who has broken their neck. Also, I'm bruising real bad. Like look like a victim of domestic violence bad. It's a little unsettling. You can literally see grab marks on my wrists. I think it freaks people out. It definitely freaks me out and I know exactly where they came from. I bought arnica cream to see if that will help. And a rash guard. I don't think it's likely though. I've always bruised easily. It's just more noticeable now because they're all over my body, as opposed to when I was doing crossfit and I had bruises in the same spots every time. Now when I stand naked in front of the mirror I'm like, "who the fuck touched me in the boob??". Which is something that you don't really think about at the time of rolling, but it's an unavoidable scenario. As well as getting hit in the vajay. A couple of times I had to stop rolling because I thought I had kneed one of the guys in the balls. I hadn't luckily. But I was like, "oh shit sorry did I just knee you in the balls?". I'm pretty straight up with stuff like that. But for some reason I don't think a guy would ever be like, "oh my god shit did I just hit you in the vagina?!". I feel like guys would just pretend that it didn't happen. Unless I was like "DUDE WHAT THE FUCK". Have I just gone off on a crazy tangent? Probably.

bruise city.

One of the biggest things that I hate in life are when people spell definitely, "defiantly". That is possibly the worst spelling of a word ever. First off, they are two different words. Both of them mean different things. It's not like spelling it "definitly". Secondly, they sound completely different. You can't read the word defiantly, and think, "yeah, that sounds like definitely." Thirdly, I read this misspelling of the word, in a well-known Melbourne news publication. It was in the sub-header of an article. Who let that one slide? Probably the same person that confuses "brought" with "bought". Don't even get me started on that one.

I think I'm having another one of those "what am I doing with my life" moments. It's like a vicious cycle that I get stuck in where I feel like I'm just contributing to the system of being a good worker bee that sits at a computer 8 hours a day and slowly turns into a tax paying zombie that gets fucked over by the government but doesn't know it's happening because I'm too busy buying those new pair of shoes to impress that person that I don't even like. Or something of that nature. Not saying that I am like that, I could give zero fucks for the most part about what other people think of me. Not in a hipster kind of way, but in a 'I'm comfortable with who I am' mentality. Woops I accidentally wrote "mantality" first. That is a rad word though. If that's not in urban dictionary it really needs to be. Anyway, not saying that I don't like my job either. I have a great job. I just wish I could do my job out in a forest without emails and with BJJ mats to roll on. Emails are the bane of my existence. I know everyone's always like "ugh emails", but they seriously kill my soul. My personal email account is just too far gone to even manage, the other day my inbox said I had 500 emails. 500 FUCKING EMAILS. WHY!??? If it's not about the progress of the petition I signed to save killer whales from seaworld, or a ridiculous online sale, then I don't want to know about it. How bad would that job be? Doing the social media for seaworld. They must get hate tweets every 2 seconds. And the only thing they can justify is saying that their whales die at the ripe old age of 20, and their "scientists" say that's normal. The fuck it is seaworld. It's like when someone from Monsanto weasels their way in to the FDA board, and then all of a sudden GMO corn is good for you and should be part of a healthy diet along with soy, sugar and oxycontin. Why are people so hell bent on ruining the world for profit? You know those people already have too much money to even handle. Do they really need to buy another house in the bahamas? Fuck those people. Money is so gross. I hate the feeling of being attached to money and stuff. I never want to have a lot of stuff. Or be in debt. That's my worst nightmare ever. Being in debt and paying for things with money I don't have. That is retarded. I don't even want a house. I'm such a commitaphobe to shit like that. I can't even look after plants. I'm a mess.

sometimes I sit outside and look at my feet and contemplate my life. Then 5 minutes later I go back into the office to write emails.

I think I found a tattoo artist in Melbourne that I want to do my tattoo. I still need to actually figure out exactly what the elusive tattoo design will be, but I think if I just show him a gist of the look I'm going for, he'll draft a few ideas up. That's what tattooers do right? I don't know. I'm such a noob at this kind of thing. Plus I still don't know where said tattoo is going on my body. So many unanswered questions. I wish I was more decisive. But when I actually do make a decision, I'm all in. It's like when you're halfway through a night out and you've just taken that shot of horrendous banana flavoured liquor (that the bartender so kindly picked out for you because he gets enjoyment out of seeing you gag), which you know was the decisive drink to send you over the edge. That's when I'm there in your ear going, "NO REGRETS!". I'm pretty annoying like that. But seriously, no regrets.

Jordan and Natalia mostly deal with this no regrets mentality. Or mantality?No, I mean mentality.

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about me

I'm Bonnie. A 25 year old Melbourne based writer, listener of the Joe Rogan Experience, lover of adventure, and enjoyer of all things food related. I like to sweat by doing yoga, bjj or crossfit style workouts. But I also like to play computer games for 8 hours straight (because balance). Back in 2012 I broke my neck and started this blog.