The Blue Boutique is a shop in Salt Lake City. It's a well lit, classier option. I get their emails, and even though I've never been there, I knew it would be a better choice.

We planned it out, and picked the day. My Dad was taking us all to The Roof for dinner on Monday, which is right in the center of Salt Lake. Perfect.

We would drive separately, and make The Stop on our way home.

What could possibly go wrong?

********

The day wasn't going as smoothly as my dad had hoped. My little brother hadn't gotten the message, and was still sleeping ten minutes before we were supposed to leave. My dad was really frustrated, and stormed around the house.

He just wanted it to be special.

After some pretty stressful minutes, they all piled into the car and left. But then a few seconds later they peeled back into the driveway.

"Helena! Why aren't you guys driving with us??"

I looked up from my makeup in surprise.

"Well, we aren't ready yet. We will just follow you guys in a few minutes."

"No, just come with us now. I want this to be special."

I could tell he was really frustrated.

I thought fast. "We have a few stops to make. It's ok, dad, don't worry."

He was getting more and more agitated.

"Are you mad at me? What's going on?"

"No, we just want to drive by ourselves."

He paced into the other room, muttering to himself. Then he turned to Kurt and said, "You guys are going over to Amber and Dave's house afterward to play games. It doesn't make sense. You should just drive with us."

He marched back over and demanded "You guys need to just get in the car."

I was flustered. "Dad! We have errands to run!"

He was nearing the end of his rope. "Helena, I want this to be nice, and you're just making it harder than it has to be! I don't understand, just get in the car and we will drive together-"

"Dad! We are going to a sex shop! And I don't want you to come with us!"

The words just hung there, begging me to snatch them back.

We stared at each other, horrified. The silence grew more and more awkward, and finally he turned and walked out the door.

Mortified, I turned to Kurt, who was just standing there in shock. "I didn't know what to do!" I pleaded. "He wouldn't take no for an answer!"

Romy, the cleaning lady, was dying of laughter in the background.

She finally gasped out a full sentence. "I can't-gasp-believe-gasp-you said that to your father!"

Oh this is hilarious! I love that you blurted that out to your dad. Bwahahahahaha!My sister used to work in the marketing dept. of a sex toy company in Los Angeles. She was always sending me toys. I still have 2 boxes of the stuff. And the back of my car does open. Hmmmm.... see you later!

bwahahaha! Holy crap...laughing so hard!!! Your poor dad...has he recovered, yet?? I get all weird at those shops too...absolutly no eye contact...I turn into a 12 year old boy...laughing, giggling, snorting. I'm SO mature!!

Oh dear lord, I love your persistence in going to that shop. I'm not sure I wouldn't have just given in and said "to hell with it." And yes, not sure I'd buy sex toys out of someone's car...too funny :)

Wow. Your Dad. I am trying to picture his face. I think you made that dinner EXTRA SPECIAL with your announcement. Har har har har har. And Chantel, like Tupperware? Really? I really missed out on the good conversations having only a brother and no sisters. And please tell Kurt that I was so proud of this super cool climbing plant that we got for our house, it was supposed to climb up the post in front of the house. Anyway, I am telling my mom all about it and I tell her what it's called. "Yeah mom, it's a Clamydia vine". Silence. Then "I think you mean a Clematis vine". Oops.

OMG, I love this story! Blue Boutique really is the classy way to go in Utah. I totally know what your sister was talking about with the lady and her trunk. One of my old coworkers was a sales rep for www.slumberparties.com. I went to a few bachelorette parties with her to help with the naughty word games. It was pretty hilarious. She called her best selling item, "Mr. Dependable."

Okay THIS?? Hilarious.I went to a sex store ONCE. And then an old man came in and asked if he could test (TEST?!) the fake, you know, I don't wanna use the D word...anyway, and it had WATER in it.I was outta there and have never gone back.

great story helena!!! I had a similar thing happen only I was browsing for lingerie on my lap top only to find my dad over my shoulder asking, "how do you have money for that"...without thinking I said " because I like my sex life to be spicy". then to break the ice I said "doesnt mom have any"....wait Alex...I dont really want to know I just want the attention off me and my face to slowly fade from red only to find that my next question could have gone much worse then it did. My dad's reply was "I get her a night grown every Christmas".

boy did I dodge a bullet there.....I gave my mom a hard time about it later!!!

What would have been even more awkward would have been if later your dad asked if you bought anything.

I've been to a few sex toy parties, since I never know 80% of the other attendies I critique most of the toys as if I own them already, things like "Oh I have one of these, the batteries burn out really quickly in it I find"

lolJust found your blog today. Loved this post. I've been to one of those parties, it was too funny. The lady that was doing it had a dildo hanging from the mirror in her van which she called "the dick mobile". lol The buying part was very discreet. you went to a bedroom with the saleslady and then she went out to her van to get the items. Most people left right after that. I'm figuring they were anxious to get home to try out their purchases. lol

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OH.. MY.. GOSH!! That was freakin hilarious. I can't imagine the guts to actually say that to my Dad but it did sound like he really wanted you in that car (young lady). j/k. Only you Helena, only you.

Well, hi. I'm Helena. I grew up on a blueberry farm in Western Michigan. My days were spent reading on the beach in the summer, and reading in my bedroom under a quilt in the chilly Michigan winter. I moved out to Utah to go to school, and to get away from my family. You know, typical angsty teenager stuff. While out there, I met this guy named Kurt, who was also from Michigan. But we were just friends.

Flash forward 9 years. We got married, and then we moved to Pittsburgh so he could go to Dental School. What can I say, the guy likes teeth. Now we have a little girl, a baby boy, two little turtles, and a whole new adventure ahead of us. Welcome to my life.