Urging to cut!

Have you ever felt like you don't want to be distracted? You know you should try the alternatives and distract yourself but you don't really want to?

Im urging..again! I really really want to harm, and I have a blade in my pocket. Part of me feels like I just don't care what people think anymore, or if they see my cuts. I really want to cut..scrap that..I need to cut. I'm on stage tonight tho thats the only problem. urgh...I just want to cut and cut and cut!! It's all I can think about! My mind is really screwed up at the moment. The stuff im writing and saying is completly irrational and makes no sense and yet I cant stop feeling/thinking it!!

I don't normally get like this...I don't understand it and it scares me, but the one professional I see can't seem to understand that. argh...help??!!!

Thank you..I didn't give in last night, which means today the urge is stronger. I feel like I'm going mad! I hate this so much....why am I not strong enough to beat this??!!!
Gah...
I'm in school so I have no pillows or any where I can go and yell at an innanamate object...the only space alone is the loos...which is where i would cut...bleh!!
I could quite happily beat the wall tho...

good girl, 2nd night done for show, keep laggy band n and bloody well ping it hard, and if u sing 'jesus christ superstar' tonight im sure il sing it at the same time:laugh:

uve so well this last week, we both have n one way or another,does us good to be honest and reflect doesnt it?

I no babe how hard it is to resist to urge, think u need to c ur cpn again and u must make her listen too what ur saying, i know she lets u unload stuff but shes not hearing wat ur feeling and want to do.

u need to get some more haelp than just seeing her once a week, having a wee chat then u go home, because by the next day ur back to square one, arent u?

Yes I am, I need more than just talking at the moment. How do I make her listen? Really need advice on that!
yes it is good
I lost my bands this morning funnily enough I didnt lose my blade tho...no-one would notice if I was to cut....I just get changed with my back to them....

I don't totally understand the system there, but is there anyone else you can talk to besides your cpn? It doesn't sound like you have had any luck with her listening, and maybe she just isn't going to. Can you go "above her head"? To whoever her supervisor/boss is? Or are there any other agencies that you could talk to about seeing someone besides her?

If there is no way you can see someone else, maybe taking someone with you to see your cpn would help. Someone you trust, that could possibly try and make her see that this is serious, and that you need her help.

Thats a good idea taking someone with me, but its just difficult finding someone who is available. and she may find it very odd for me to suddenly bring someone else along to my sessions.
I could go back to my dr but she is useless too so i doubt she would do much!
xxx

Is there another cpn you could see? I remember when I was 1st assigned my cpn & I was given 2 named nurses as points of contact. I only ever had to see the 1 but I knew the other was there if I needed her.