Girl Has $3,000 Bounty On Her After Posting Video Of Herself Peeing On US Flag

1 year ago

As Americans, we have the right to freedom of speech and expression. That means if you want to run around in public screaming racial slurs and Betty Crocker recipes, more power to you. And while we take our constitutional rights seriously, there’s one thing we’re not allowed to do:

Desecrate the flag.

So when Emily Lance, a Philadelphia girl who appears to be mentally deficient in more ways than one (though that’s more insulting to the mentally deficient than it is to Emily), decided to film herself peeing on an American flag and then post it onto Facebook – well, I’m sure you can already guess that it did not go so well.

Emily has since deleted the video, but here’s a really janky gif. What, do you really need HD quality to watch some shitbird piss on a flag?

Even though the video is no longer online, Emily has been quite active in commenting back to people on her page, with platinum hits including:

‘Freedom (of speech/expression) means that I’m entitled to do and say as I please, EVEN if you don’t like it, so long as I am not physically hurting someone – and no, your precious feelings don’t count, that’s your own problem.

What don’t you people understand? You’re celebrating freedom while damning me for doing the same. You can’t have it both ways. FREEDOM OR NONE. Practice what you preach or shut the fuck up.’

‘People are wishing illness, harm, and suffering upon me over a piece of fabric. People are willing to MURDER someone over a flag. It’s so sad that people don’t realize how brainwashed they are. I’m gross for peeing on a symbol? LOOK AT YOURSELVES. You people epitomize all that is foul.’

The thing is, Emily is missing the point. She hasn’t been arrested, charged or even contacted by police, which means that, like she said, she had the freedom to pee all over that flag since she didn’t physically hurt anyone. What she doesn’t get though, is just because she’s exercising her “freedom of speech” doesn’t mean that she’s not going to piss a whole lot of people off. You can technically go out and scream racial slurs in public, but don’t be surprised when a giant angry mob comes and beats your ass down.

On another note, she’s kind of hot?

Like, I wouldn’t take her home to my parents, but I’d stick it in her butt and then make her lick it afterwards. You can just tell by looking at someone whether or not they’d be willing to suck on your poopy lollipop, and Emily’s face is screaming “daddy issues” with a side of some missing chromosomes to boot.

In any case, if anyone out there is looking for an easy murder charge and a quick $3,000, there’s supposedly a Craigslist Philadelphia bounty out on her head…though the post has been taken down. Oh look, someone who’s smart enough to delete their post before it goes viral. Maybe Emily can learn a thing or two here?