McKeever: Road rules for driving the Gold Coast

Published 7:24 pm, Thursday, September 4, 2014

Contrary to what you know from first-hand experience, Stamford drivers are not necessary among the worst in the nation. The bad news is that that fact will probably be confirmed in a few years.

Insurance giant Allstate recently issued its annual "America's Best Drivers Report" and Connecticut had its two largest municipalities make the Top 200 -- stop gasping for air and let me finish my sentence -- of places where you definitely want to stay off the streets: Bridgeport ranked 185 of the 200 rated cities, New Haven staggered in at 191.

Stamford drivers did not qualify for the list even though many here think red-light running is an inalienable right guaranteed in this neck of the Constitution State. Rather, we got off on a technicality: our city is a downtown luxury apartment complex or three from making Allstate's population cutoff. Just wait till next year!

As a public service that will let us delay the inevitable a bit longer, it's probably best we residents pull out the manual and review some basics of road safety and courtesy, such as:

The rule of thumb for driving behind another car is "one car length for every 10 mph at which you are traveling," not "as close as physically possible until the sloth ahead of you gets the message to speed up or gets the hell out of your way."

A dog, regardless of how small or adorable it is, does not belong in your lap when you are driving. Exception: Allowable only if poochie is more reliable than you at signaling lane changes.

The world "yield" on a sign is a command, not a "hmm . . . maybe, could you, if feel like it" request.

When it starts to rain, turn on your headlights as well as your wipers. Then, marvel that all cars still don't automatically do that for you.

Those radar-operated signs that show how fast your vehicle is traveling through a school zone are there to remind you to slow down because children are nearby. They are not meant for impressing your passengers with your personal land-speed records.

Reminder: There are no words in the phrase "No Turn on Red" to indicate you have any choice in the matter.

Even if you are on the opposite side of a multi-lane avenue such as High Ridge Road, when a school bus stops and extends that flashing red sign you cannot pass it no matter how much of a hurry you are in to get to that dead-end job.

When roadways merge, vehicles in the through lane should let others alternate into the flow of traffic ahead of them. Science has proved this to be far more efficient than the local custom of pulling flush up to the bumper of the car ahead while trying to avoid eye contact with the annoyed drivers beside you.

When an emergency vehicle approaches with lights and siren activated, pull over to the side and let them pass. Then, under no circumstances, hurry to catch up to it so you can pretend you are important enough to receive a personal escort through traffic.

Connecticut law states drivers are only allowed to operate cellphones hands-free. However, the obvious intent of the law is to stop you from using a cellphone at all if it makes you drive brain-free.

Stamford native and resident Kevin McKeever, whose nationally award-winning column appears here every other Friday, is a freelance writer. Email him at kevin@writeonkevin.com.