Vince Russo has been gone from camera for: 63 days (since March 5, 2003)

In case you missed it, here's what you missed last week on NWA: TNA...

-AMW is sorta getting along again, but they lost a 4-team match to Saturn & Credible.

-Team Extreme's name got changed to The Extreme Revolution.

-Jerry Lynn pinned Chris Daniels in a match where if Lynn won then Lynn and Red would defend the titles on May 7 against one member of XXX

-David Young was too busy checking on Desire, allowing his partner Sonny Siaki to lose to AJ Styles and D-Lo Brown

-Mike Tenay mentioned Jonathan Coachman as an example of a black announcer in wrestling. Everyone laughed.

-Eric Watts finally returned the fake NWA Title to Dusty Rhodes, even tho it was owned by Ric Flair

-Some skank who vaguely looked like Tracy Brooks got into a fight with one of the cage dancers.

-Amazing Red became a double champion when he won the X Title from Kid Kash.

-Finally, after 14 guys, including Sabu, interfered, Jeff Jarrett successfully defended the NWA Title against Raven.

And that's what you missed on NWA: TNA.

-Mike Tenay and Don West are in the ring to start the show, announcing that tonight we will determine new #1 Contender to the NWA Title in a Hardcore Falls Count Anywhere Gauntlet Match, called Anarchy In The Asylum, where you could be eliminated by a throw over the top rope or by pinning them anywhere in the building.

So there are 11 people in the Gauntlet Match already. The winners of this match go in, as well as the winners of a Sabu-Sandman-New Jack match and the winner of a Chris Harris-James Storm match. Why are they fighting each other? Why not.

With Ki and Skipper in this match, it appears that Daniels will be the one to face Lynn and Red in a Handicap Match for the Tag Team Titles tonight.

XXX got the heat on AJ when Ki smacked him with a cartwheel kick as Styles came off the ropes. AJ actually hit the McGillicutter for a 2 count. You know what that means, right? Obviously AJ went into the future, saw Curtis Axel using that move and stole it for himself.

Some fucking thing happened where the referee grabbed D-Lo's ankle for some reason while Low Ki hit a springboard kick to the jaw of Brown. I would assume the referee got bumped for 5 seconds or so.

Skipper is the XXX jobber as every time he tags in, his opponent, who has been beaten down for minutes by Low Ki suddenly comes alive and beats on the blackest member of Triple X.

The finish saw D-Lo pin Ki with a combo Lo-Down/neck breaker.

-To the side, where Goldylocks interviewed Glen Gilbertti about being in the Gauntlet Match and how this is the biggest opportunity of his career. Glen told SEX that tonight he, by himself, will win the Gauntlet Match and then win the Tag Team Titles.

Glen said last week Mike Sanders beat Mike Awesome. When the hell did that happen? Glen left the locker room, saying he is going to go kick Jeff Jarrett's ass.

-Don and Tenay talked more about what is going to happen tonight, so Glen stormed out to the ring, to the back and to Jeff Jarrett's locker room, where the champ is on crutches, so he was allowed to get heat on The Chosen Champion.

Wrestlers and security stood around to watch as Glen beat on Jeff in and out of the arena.

Remember at the Hardcore Justice ECW reunion show when New Jack said he was going to make Borash his bitch, before they walked off together?

Before the match Jack talked about how him, Sabu and Sandman used to do drugs and do a shit load of illegal shit that they should have been arrested for. I guess this was to tell Sabu that he shouldn't be on Jeff Jarrett's side.

The Sandman sat in the stands while this match took place. Apparently Raven's contract expired last week and that is why he isn't at the show this week. So if Raven would have won the World Title, he would have left TNA with the belt and leaving the company without a champion?

Sandman very slowly made it to the ring while Sabu and Jack hit each other in the head. While this match is going on, Glen Gilbertti is still beating up Jeff Jarrett outside the arena.

I have never seen anyone be as lazy in a match as Sandman is in this one.

Goldylocks is outside the arena as Jeff Jarrett is being carried away in an ambulance.

Meanwhile in this match, the finish saw New Jack get in a lift, high above the arena floor, where Sabu is laying on a table. Jack flew off...and crashed through a table as Sabu moved out of the way. Sabu then just pinned Jack.

-To the back where Tracy Brooks and her breasts are demanding to be in the gauntlet match. Bill Behrens said that she doesn't deserve to be in the match. Tracy offered to give him a blow job to get in.

-An AMW video package aired, followed by a promo by both men where they both vowed to win their match tonight and then win the Anarchy In The Asylum Match. Storm agreed to shake Harris' hand before the match.

Don West puts over the match he saw last year between Harris and Storm that was so good that they both got a call from TNA the next day, giving them a job and the rest is history.

Harris and Storm went about telling a story where both men knew each other so well that both men were reversing each others moves and reversing the reversals. While they were wrestling and having a pretty decent little match, Tenay and West were too busy talking about how tonight Trinity, Desire and Tracy Brooks' breasts will have a 3-way match where the winner will be in the gauntlet match.

Harris was continually frustrated because Storm would prove to be just a little better throughout the match. Seems to be the story of their respective careers.

The finish saw Storm hit the 8 Second Ride for a 2 count, go for a Springboard Whatamaneuver, but Harris Speared him in mid air for a 2 count and then the match ended with Storm reversing a sunset flip for a pin.

After the match Storm offered to shake Harris' hand, but the Wildcat turned to walk away. Harris thought better of it, came back and shook Storm's hand. If I didn't know better, I would have expected the next line to be “Harris attacks Storm”.

-To the back and Eric Watts is crying and cutting a nonsensical promo about buying stuff at the mall for Jarrett.

Watts got a phone call in the middle of the promo and said “Eric” was interested in becoming the TNA Director Of Authority. “Eric” that was in WCW at the same time he was in WCW. Obviously they wanted you to think it was Eric Bischoff.

Where is Alexis when you need her? Did her contract magically expire last week too?

I want to see Tracy do the Bentley Bounce! Before the match Kid Kash walked out and told his property (Trinity) that she was suspended last week so she could learn to concentrate properly on the career of Kid Kash. Kash implied that Trinity gives good blow jobs and all she could do was smile and shake her head.

Kash gave her two options. One being Kash kicking Trinity's ass and the other being her giving him another blow job as an apology.

Trinity picked option 1, so Kash beat the fucking shit out of her. Seriously I thought I was watching Jeff Jarrett wrestle again. Kash handcuffed himself to Trinity.

Finally, after Kash dragged Trinity to the back, the match finally started as Sonny Siaki joined the broadcast table.

Desire sent Tracy to the outside and went for a What The Fuck Was That as Desire I think went for a dive through the ropes, but tripped on her way down.

This might have been the worst 3 minutes of wrestling in 2003 in TNA. Tracy had the pin with the Flying Crotch, but Siaki and Young jumped on the apron. Young accidentally punched Desire, allowing Tracy to get the pin.

I said this in my NXT report, but earlier today I watched the Beulah-Bill Alfonso match where two untrained wrestlers put on this absolutely intense bloodbath. Allegedly these women are trained and cannot match 1/5 of the intensity or even have a match 1/5 as good.

-We have an Interrogators segment with Tenay and West interviewing the Harris Twins. Once again this segment was completely useless. They have done this segment a dozen times and it has been completely useless a dozen times.

-Before the next match Jerry Lynn and Amazing Red agreed to have another match for the X Division Title.

Don West opened the match basically saying “Enjoy the match because interference is coming.”

If anything worked in Daniels' favor is that only one of his opponents could be in the ring at one time. Elix Skipper and Low Ki ran in before you could even enjoy the match. Daniels got the chair and hit Red several times in the knee, while Lynn was looking elsewhere.

Daniels slapped on the Half Crab and may have gotten the submission, but Lynn broke it up. Daniels got the heat for maybe two minutes until Red made the hot tag to Lynn. Lynn ran wild on the challenger. Lynn turned the Angel's Wings into a DVD. Daniels shoved Lynn into the referee when Jerry went for the Cradle Piledriver.

Skipper and Low Ki got involved, but Lynn hit them both, and Daniels with a chair, just as the referee got up and disqualified Lynn.

It took 6 months since they announced the rule change, but they finally did a DQ Title Change. Triple X win the tag team titles.

How many times does bullshit happen in title matches? Hell 14 fucking people interfered in the Jarrett-Raven match without a DQ called. There are run in's and foreign objects used in every title match and never a dq.

Match #6Anarchy In The Asylum

#1 is Brian Lawler, #2 is D-Lo Brown. So AJ Styles, D-Lo, Low-Ki, Elix Skipper, Chris Harris, James Storm, Sabu, Sandman and New Jack, people who win every week, had to qualify to get in the match. But Brian Lawler, someone who hasn't been around in a month and constantly lost when he did, is allowed in without qualifying.

#3 is Sonny Siaki. Everyone is allowed to wear whatever they want to this match, but Siaki and Lawler wore their wrestling gear, while D-Lo wore track pants. Lawler's only offensive maneuver is a low blow. He did it 5 or 6 times in the first 3 minutes of the match.

#4 is James Storm. David Young ran in and laid Storm out with a spine buster. They point out that there are No DQ's so anyone could interfere. So why wouldn't the entire roster get involved? Anyway Chris Harris ran down for the save, accidentally hit his partner and Storm was the first one eliminated.

#5 is Kid Kash. I see he un-handcuffed himself from Trinity. It was a 3-on-1 on Brown until Lawler randomly turned on Siaki and Kash.

#6 is Rick Steiner. Steiner wrestled on one TNA show, June 19, 2002, he lost and now he gets to be in this #1 Contender's Match. Thankfully they made all those jabroni's like AJ Styles and D-Lo Brown qualify. Steiner dumped Siaki. I would like to say that he had a better performance than any of his brothers matches in 2003.

#7 is Mike Awesome, who lost an imaginary match to Mike Sanders last week. Awesome carried a table to the ring and set it up outside. I guess Sabu is next. DW tried his best to make sense of people breaking up pins.

#8 is Justin Credible. They either paid for Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck, or got the TNA music people to just lay down a track of the first 15 seconds. Probably the latter. Awesome and Credible fought outside the ring. The irony of it is funny since Credible got the ECW Title because Awesome jumped to WCW while still champion.

#9 is Ron Killings. Not seen in the ring since bringing Mabel to TNA. Awesome and Credible were off doing something on the other side of the arena. There are only two referees in this match, so if I was one of these people, I would leave the ring and just hide on a different part of the arena.

#10 is Tracy and her breasts. Lollipop left her cage and tried to have a cat fight with Tracy, but it led to Kid Kash beating up more women. Kash tried to get everyone to stand aside while he beat up Tracy, but instead they beat up Kash.

#11 is Perry Saturn. Kash pinned Tracy with the Money Maker. The Masked Luchadore ran in and threw Kash out. Geez, I wonder when The Masked Luchadore grew breasts.

#13 is Konnan. Forgive me, Lawler is still in there, they just beat him up forever and I assumed he would be next. K-Dawg, despite being a heel, only went after SEX. Rick Steiner wouldn't leave the ringside area. Finally Ron and Don gave Konnan an H-Bomb on top of a table before Glen pinned him.

#14 is Buff Bagwell, who had 4 or 5 matches in TNA and lost every single one of them. He was last seen teaming with BG James in a tag team gauntlet match. Buff back dropped Lawler out of the ring. Glen clothesline'd Buff out of the ring.

#15 is AJ Styles. Mike Sanders ran down and super kicked Awesome off the apron, which caused Awesome to be eliminated and fall through a table.

#16 is Sabu.

So, I think, the only ones left are Sabu, AJ, D-Lo, Credible, Saturn and Disco. I love that this 16-person Gauntlet Match had at least 7 people (Trini...I mean The Masked Luchadore, Lollipop, Chris Harris, Mike Sanders, David Young and the Harris Twins) interfering.

Sabu immediately tossed Credible. AJ with a springboard dropkick, but Saturn moved so AJ hit D-Lo and Brown sailed over the top rope. Sabu gave Saturn a Hurricarana over the top rope, both fell over the top and to the floor...but for some reason Sabu was allowed to stay in the ring.

We are down to three! AJ Styles, Glen Gilbertti and Sabu. One of these men are going to WrestleMania! I mean one of these men are going to have a title match on a random weekly show.

Sabu eliminated himself a second time, as he did a double jump dive into the third row onto AJ and Disco. And for the second time it didn't count. Glen is wearing the crimson mask.

AJ went for the Styles Clash, but Glen back dropped him over the top rope and we are down to two. Sabu and Glen fucking Gilbertti.

Of course we have a fucking ref bump. There were two referees seconds ago, where did the second one go?

Raven, who was without a job an hour ago, ran in and dropped Sabu with the DDT. I can't believe what I am about to write...

Glen Gilbertti then crawled over, pinned Sabu and became the #1 Contender to the NWA Title.

-That is it for this week. It was paced well, had a lot of good action, even if the booking still makes you hit your head off of a wall.