The Catholic Church is quite fond of giving women impractical and terrible advice, but one priest in Australia is taking it to a whole new level. New statistics suggest that there are far fewer eligible men in Australia than there are women between the ages of 25 and 34. Cue a marriage crisis! Father Tony Kerin obviously just wants to help ladies live the dream of landing a man for life, so he said on behalf of the Archdiocese of Melbourne,

Are women getting too choosy? I'd say yes. I think many are setting aside their aspirations for later, but by the time they get around to it, they've missed their chance. In trying to have it all, they end up missing out.

Well, you heard the church: LOCK IT IN. Quick, before it's too late and you die alone and miserable—or worse, you have to become a nun.

So let's review to make sure we understand exactly how to follow Kerin's plan: if a girl wants to get married (which obviously she does because what else is there in life?), she shouldn't waste time building a career or trying to find someone who she loves and who makes her happy. Nope, instead she should give up any non-reproduction-related aspirations and be ready to rejoice if any eligible man shows an interest in her. As soon as any guy so much as looks in her general direction, she should do whatever is necessary to make herself into his ideal woman because if she doesn't, someone else will... Oh, and one more thing, never live with the fellow before marriage, because, according to Father Kerin, it means the relationship is twice as likely to end, probably because God is punishing you for being so choosy. Now throw away your standards, ladies, and start turning yourself into marriageable machines who destroy anything blocking their path down the aisle.