life Tag

I went to the dentist today for some needlework. I don’t like the dentist. I’m not usually a nervous person, and I’m not sure the last time in my whole life I felt truly scared, but being in the dentist chair is so not fun for me. I told them I felt more at ease when I jumped out of a plane. My body gets cold chills, I feel hot and sweaty…I just don’t like it.

Recently I made a first visit to this highly raved about and recommended new dentist for the usual x-rays, cleaning, etc. (Don’t tell Mom but it’s been a while.) Go figure, because it had been a bit of time, that one “on watch” possible cavity had come to fruition, one needed to be replaced, and even better news; I needed a crown. Yippee! I mean, who wouldn’t want to spend a few thousand bucks on teeth instead of you know, a trip to Italy for 2 months or something? Adulting is such a bummer. So in I went today for the first in a three part series we will call project drain Diane’s travel fund, but you only have one set of those teeth, so you better take care of them!

My new dentist and her lovely assistant were the best. I mean, the best. (Like a mom with a rockstar reliable babysitter, I refuse to share any contact information for this amazing tooth care goddess in fear you will all call, book her up, and I’ll have to go back to that psychotic creepy old man that ripped my mouth apart last time adding buckets of fuel to my already flaming I fear the dentist bonfire.) This new bright shiny office and all of it’s help were kind and attentive. They listened to my past dental horror stories to genuinely learn what I needed, then got to work; numbing gels by the gob full, then one needle, and another, and another, and another. Did I mention another? They kept asking if I could feel this and that to ensure I was fully in numb la la land before starting to drill. When I could finally (sort of) feel the right side of my face nearly sagging to the ground, this ever so patient woman said “Well, I guess we’ve found out that you are very hard to numb!”

HA! Isn’t that the truth. Story of my life, sweet, gentle lady.

Back to why I need a crown:

A couple big cavities on a back tooth I’ve had for years are now cracked/damaged along with the tooth itself. Why? Because I spent a good portion of 2015 and 2016 not sleeping even though I tried desperately. You could say I had a torturous run of getting my heart ripped to shreds. (Picture it’s 1985 and a seven year old on Christmas morning turns animalistic assuming his wrapped box is a Nintendo.) Apparently on the rare occasion I did actually sleep, I was a gold medal champion jaw clencher and teeth grinder as I tossed and turned dreaming of things you don’t want to hear about. Break goes the tooth. (This is not a case of she just doesn’t brush or floss. With the Nutella habit that I have, I’m a nut…no pun intended…about my Sonicare, floss, and Listerine routine.)

If you really do give a super duper flying you-know-what about anything or anyone, you’re bound to feel intense pain when that something or someone isn’t so peachy keen. During those couple years when this deliciously gorgeous and abusive life was swirling around me, I didn’t rest much. Not because I was restless, but because I was ALIVE. Obviously too alive, too conscious, too un-numb. I now wear extra wrinkles at 38 proudly because I’ve come out breathing on the other side.

In 2003 after reading Roadtrip Nation, my 25 year old self was in love with these authors, and everything they were doing. Their book and manifesto were a big encouragement for me to continue my road warrior habits. I needed to discover. They get it! I thought. Life! It is supposed to mean something. What you do for work can and should matter! Purpose! Yay! I want to find that! I remember writing to Mike & Nate asking for advice on best ways to discover what kind of work I wanted to do. I will never forget what Mike sent back to me via email:

“YOU JUST HAVE TO FIND SOMETHING TO GIVE A SHIT ABOUT.”

And here we are.

I probably give two shits (by that I mean 2,222) about way too many things and far too many people. My heart is filled with that kid in a candy store joy more times in a day that I can usually count, then broken again a few minutes later, and all too often. I stay in touch with/put a lot of effort into/love a lot of human beings and that makes me happy. People are my jam, my priority. I feel like I live in an over the moon utopia of lucky awesomeness because I am able to share with so many other different, interesting, funny, kind, quirky, entertaining heartbeats.

I don’t ever want to be numb. Even if that means I could get raked through the coals a million more times.

The price tag for giving a shit is VERY expensive. There are HUGE needles involved. I will pay the bill and take the pinch every time. Life outside the drone zone might hurt more than existing in the safety zone, but every bit of pain is worth it. I hope until my very last breath, even if I’m stuck with a billion needles, I’ll keep moving towards the finish line still being able to feel every bit of everything.

What makes you feel alive today?

The above screen shot is part of a text conversation that happened as I was starting to write this. Perfect, right?

I would say my light years ended on August 18, 1994, but I’m not sure that would count considering I had just turned 16 years old and some would say I was still just a kid. I guess I was? Maybe. I never felt like one after that day even though I did manage to live fairly carefree for the 20 years that followed.

Then December 10th, 2014 happened.

In the near exact 2 years since then, I have been brought to my knees too many times to count. If my light years didn’t end back in 1994, they sure ended before Christmas a couple years ago. That day, I walked alone in silence for 10 miles in flip flops. I didn’t know what else to do. I had gotten a phone call that would leave anyone speechless. After I hung up, I stood up and walked out the door in a daze. I had no idea the wrath that was coming beyond that.

My experience has taught when life starts to pummel you, she rarely stops. It’s one punch after the next, after the next. There are chunks of time where the beat downs of bad news, events, and loss come so hard and so fast, you can’t eat, sleep, or stop crying. You can barely breathe. You lose hope, feel unimaginably alone, and wonder what the hell is wrong with the world; life isn’t supposed to be like this.

But it is.

If you are an old friend or follower, or have in any way joined me on my journey since starting down this Blue Lollipop Road on October 16th, 2008, I know you’ve noticed that I’ve been promising a lot here and not keeping up on my promises over the past many months. I know you’ve wondered from time to time what’s been going on because I’ve been absent from the place that means everything to me…right here. Thank you for your check ins and notes of concern. It has bothered me a lot to be away, after all this is the one place where I feel like I completely belong.

Come to find out, I get tired, I don’t really like to or feel the need to share everything anymore like I used to, and I’ve just needed a break. Let’s call it a severe recalibration on/in each part of my life. I think we all need this after a certain number of years existing in the same, maybe not so healthy habits.

Since two Decembers ago, I’ve hovered over a friend in a coma, watched another become skeletal from cancer, lost a love that was a life changer, and said goodbye, kissing the cold forehead of the sweetest and kindest man, my favorite man in the whole wide world…as he lay in his open casket. I’m currently sending daily “fist pumps” to a sick friend in the fight of his life. I’ve paid off a debilitating debt that a past relationship left me, and I missed the chance to have a scheduled lunch date that I didn’t realize would be the last, with one of my best friends before she was gone. 8 friends and family members have moved to better places since May of 2015. To say this time has been hellacious, would be a gargantuan understatement.

And I know plenty of people who’ve had it far worse than me.

It seems that only when you get the most epic beat down, and you’re either forced to, or choose to sit in that pain- can you see what you are truly made of, and what really matters. I had always put serious blood sweat and tears into continually standing up, staying steady & energized, fighting with, dealing with, keeping up with expectations I’ve had for myself and out of life. I am strong. Well, I’m here to share with you now that the ass-whooping I’ve received during this 700+ day run recently has pulverized me. I’ve been forced to sit in my pain and have been surprised to find I was ready. It has left me away from here, relishing in days of much needed silence and self-reflection alone, throwing my endless and pointless to-do lists to the side, and not even caring if the wheels fell off the bus.

The control freak has left the building.

Relief.

Turns out the wheels will never actually fall off the bus. The bus keeps going.

I took a bad spill on Tuesday this week when I was running as usual, early in the morning. I was cruising down the sidewalk feeling like a million bucks, and just a few blocks from home:

I even broke my shoe:

So graceful I am!

I fell to my knees…hard. (See a theme here?) I was up within a millisecond and kept running while my whole body throbbed. Adrenaline is an amazing thing. I knew what I’d see if I looked down, so I didn’t. I made it home to grab money, pick rocks, leaves, and dirt out of my wounds, then went directly to Target for peroxide which was out of stock at 8 o’clock in the morning. (Of course!)

Work days don’t wait, so by the time I did the peroxide pour-over at 3pm that day, the burn and white foam made me screech like a kid who’s older brother just stole all her Halloween candy. Bruised hands, knees, elbow, shoulder and ego, arm scratched with all the way up. Now I know what people mean when they say they’re sore for a few days after a car accident. I will spare you with additional photos of my current 5 day later green crusty open road rash. Ew. It definitely doesn’t look or feel pretty.

I ran again Thursday morning, I can’t remember the last time I felt really scared about anything but I actually did feel afraid to fall during that whole run. It was bizarre. I didn’t fall. Yesterday I carried the anchor leg of the Charlotte Marathon for a relay team and crossed the finish line strong. Get back on the horse? You’ve got to.

I woke up this morning late, and as I sipped coffee in quiet, I found myself wandering to the wall near my desk. I tape things there at random, things that inspire me and make me smile. My eyes went straight to this area as I though of finally writing about all this today:

Top left is me with my friends Jon and Aaron (Bubba) many years ago, maybe 1999? during a back country camping and hiking trip in Canyonlands National Park. Travel and the open road. Life was good and “light.” Top right is the Peacock kid clan, that’s me and my fantastic siblings at my sisters high school graduation. Bottom left is what I call the “original” Blue Lollipop Road. I took that photo on a bike ride with my brother outside Cafayate, Argentina in 2009. Bottom right is my fun-loving friend Maria who passed away in 1994. We had the coolest fanny packs and best hair on the way to a 6th grade field trip. In the middle is sweet Katie and I. Katie has since passed as well. We called those our “chunky” days back in 1995. Silly teenagers we were.

A life filled with joy and pain.

This world has continued to horrify and delight me. Every bit of it. I see and experience so much good and so much bad. In March of this year, I cut out the top right words from a magazine thinking I couldn’t agree more. It reads:

I went to an event a couple weeks ago to listen to an author share about her life. She said she’d gotten advice from a friend who told her not tell her story from when her wounds were still fresh and wide open, but to tell once they were scars; semi-healed places with marks of life. I love that advice and that’s where I am now. I’ve had a hard time finding my feet, let alone words, I’ve needed to step back to recreate and now I move forward here again. This place is my truth.

As I sit there, still in pajamas in bed at 4:21pm on this chilly fall Sunday afternoon, I have an odd and happy sense of peace even though I’ve just written and revisited all these feelings of being ripped to my core. I suppose this peace is what you earn from being pushed through a sword fighting labyrinth and then finding your way out when there’s no other choice besides curling up yourself and going away forever. When you prove things to yourself when no one else is around. When you allow yourself to fall all the way to your knees and stay there for a while…long enough to realize everything you need to before you get up.

I miss a lot of people, and every single day. That will never change. There are so many faults in our stars. Bad things happen to good people and I hate that, but I’ve learned to accept that fact as well. This has been a bitchin’ of a couple of years, and not in the cool, surfs up, dude kind of way. After a run of not feeling excited about anything, I’m finally crazy excited about the future. I can’t wait to fall in love again, I can’t wait to laugh more until my stomach hurts, I can’t wait to travel and see more of the world (next up…Spain!) I refuse to be afraid of the next wave of whatever that’s coming my way.

If this is your first time visiting here, welcome to my story and reason for doing what I do, in life and in business.

Everyday is a chance and a choice to drive in the direction of whatever we do and do not want. If we have our health we have everything. Life is awesome until that instant that It’s not. None of us will ever know when that moment is coming, so what are we waiting for?

My heart has been shattered into a million pieces, because I’ve been lucky enough to love some very good people. Not a single regret. Take another little piece of my heart now, baby…because I might end up going away for a while when it all gets to be too much, but I will never stop loving, or showing up.

#TodayIsTheDay #Truth #LetLoveRule

*(My goal is to start writing again every day like I used to, and finally finish my book! If you liked reading this, pretty please share it, and scroll down to the bottom of the home page of this site and enter your email address to subscribe to my blog posts:)

You should read this whether you like/watch/care about movies or not. This column has been written by a friend for a lot of years now. He loves it. I think it is awesome. (He is awesome, too.) We could all learn a lot from this guy. Some people just make you want to be and do better. Some people remind you about all the things that are really important and worth, (or not worth) worrying about.

Thank goodness for those people.

A line that screamed out to me, in Dom’s latest post from 9/8:

“…I can promise you, if there is someone in your world suffering in some way, even the smallest connection can prove meaningful.”

I could’t agree more. Connection is what makes all of this crazy madness, this life…somehow the perfect beautiful mess.

It’s Sunday morning. I’m sipping coffee in bed on this humid end of August day with a fan on me. All windows open, balcony door too. Love the heat and that it feels like summer is still here in full force and going to be for a while.

I’m reading this book:

On Monday morning this week I helped a client with some money organization and in just a little over an hour I saved her thousands of dollars on 2 credit cards. (Interest, fees, etc.) Whoop! Freedom from debt! At the end of our session, she handed me this book. We’ve talked a lot about working for yourself, having a full plate, business, life feeling busy, etc.

It sure is hard to get anywhere if you’re an octopus on roller skates. Been there, done that, and finally conquering taking that 6th skate off for good to leave myself with just two to whirl around in. How about you? How many skates are you wearing?

The very first page of this book made me gasp. (In a good, happy way.) It immediately launches into describing this scene from the movie City Slickers:

…which happens to be my favorite movie ever.

In 1991 when City Slickers came out in theaters and I watched it for the first time, I was a mere 13 years old and in 7th grade. 25 years ago I don’t think I knew shit from Shinola as “they” say. I don’t think I yet thought about the meaning of life, or that “One Thing,” and I certainly don’t think I really understood what this movie was all about, but there was just something that always connected with me.

As I sit here now just after my 38th birthday thumbing the pages of this book and finding gems like these couple sentences:

…I completely get why I have always loved the movie City Slickers and I’m glad that I’ve stuck with something that matters so much to me; this crazy Blue Lollipop Road.

Somehow within the layers of life; the loss, heartbreak, chaos, madness, exhaustion and everything else that makes us so often feel wiped by days end, if we continue to stick to that The One Thing each day that means so much to us or do just One Thing each day that helps keep us organized, we will always be getting somewhere.

Basically what he is saying (what we all know but try to deny), is that life’s just one big shit show. This is not a bad thing, it simply means the circus, the roller coaster, that whirling dervish is there and always will be- even when we try to make sense of things. Every single one of us humans is messed up. If you are over the age of 5 and reading this, you’ve been through something (if not a lot), and likely have more baggage than a holiday weekend at JFK.

Thanks for joining the club with me and all of our other homies!

What we do, what we practice, every single day to protect and/or heal our beautifully battered and bruised smiling selves is what makes all the difference in the world.

I say wake up in the morning, (picture you’re a kid here playing imaginary dress up) strap on your football pads and helmet, and run out in the world ready to get it, see it, be it, do it. Remember where you came from, knock some stuff around, get a little knocked around, be a little sore after the clock runs out at the end of the day, but know you have tried your best to make some kind of sense, and some kind of fun out of all the madness in this crazy awesome life.

I am SO EXCITED (did I mention excited?) about not just a fresh and different look for my site, but for finally sharing about a huge shift I’ve been focusing on for a while now.

First I have to give huge props to my branding company, Big Ring, for taking 7+ years of everything I’ve worked so hard on and putting it in to an online presence that looks amazing! I’m happy to report all the photos you see throughout Blue Lollipop Road are my own, nothing stock photo here, just all from years in travel and everyday life. The photos we chose to use from my archive of about 10,000, are some of my all-time favorites. If they give you any sense of freedom or feeling that anything is possible, then we have done our job!

So onto this new BLR:

You will see freedom as a theme throughout this new site and everything in my work. Many conversations I had during my years on the road over coffee or dinner with friends or strangers, and now in home base life have the same theme; people feeling like they just don’t have enough time, space or money (translation – freedom) to do things like:

A.) What they really want to do for work or a hobby.

B.) Spend time with family or friends.

C.) Work out.

D.) Travel.

E.) Go back to school.

Many, many more.

This great world is spinning and we’re running around like chickens with our heads cut off because there somehow ends up being so much to do and think about in a day. I’ve never understood why it always seems to take some kind of tragedy, for us to slow down and think about what really matters, so I created a business that helps people take back time, space, and money so they can do more of what they love. That’s what life is supposed to be about, right?

This means I work with people in any kind of transition, or ready to make a change; Everyone from people moving/relocating, for work (managing everything from moving company to handyman and all in between), for fun, or for things not so fun, (Divorce, death in family), to people who are busy with their careers and kids who’s homes have become cluttered and need reorganizing, to people who want to downsize and live simpler, to people who need to reassess their baseline bills (when’s the last time you checked to see if your bank offers a lesser interest rate or why the cable company is charging you hundreds of dollars for basic cable and internet services?), to people who need systems implemented to make their homes function better, to people to want to make a huge life shift (quit job/start a business/start training for a marathon…), to people needing family vacation plans made, to people wanting to sell no longer needed furniture because they are remodeling, moving, or have just sent the last kid off to college.

All those kinds of projects and more.

I facilitate and manage whatever chaos and busy is going on and help you put healthy breathing room back into your life.

And I make the super stressful times, fun.

Boom!

When clients write or call to tell me they could focus on work because they knew I was taking care of everything with their corporate relocation, or when they tell me they are now working out regularly and cooking with their kids because they could find the cook books, or that they have time to actually go to the gym because they feel more organized in their space, it makes me happy. Like clap up and jump up and down happy. It’s like being able to gift a sense of freedom, balance, and perspective for at least a moment, or a day in this big world of madness swirling around us.

I love it!

I hope reading this post and meandering through my spankin’ new pretty site makes you feel like you have a little extra pep in your step to go for that thing, that person, or that moment you’ve been missing. Let’s live simple, and do more of what we love and with who we love. If you have a hard time getting there yourself, call me. I’d love to help you get rid of the physical, financial, or personal “stuff” that’s weighing you down. We can tackle your busy beast/lift your burdens/exorcise your demons.

Life is short. Freedom awaits.

#LessStuffMoreFreedomHappyLife #LiveSimpleDoMore #TodayIsTheDay

PS ~ Please scroll down to the bottom of this page and sign up to get my blog posts via email! I will be regularly posting great tips & tricks on how to live simple and do more- and of course continuing to share about how I make adventure in my everyday:)

If you’ve never disappeared by yourself, taken off, hit the road, please do it now- it will change your life forever. For real. (And it is summertime, so extra easy to just jump in the car.)

Want to figure out what you’re made of? Build your independence and find your badass? Gain some clarity about something? Go hike, drive, bike, sit, walk, run, explore- and do it alone. It will be a pretty amazing experience and will teach you things you never expected.