8 Villains Who Made The Mistake Of Pissing Off Jean-Claude Van Damme

Don't mess with Van Damme.

Even though Jean-Claude Van Damme is universally recognized as a dangerous badass, people seem to believe that they can piss him off and get away with it. Even today, in 2011, with the release of his latest thriller Assassination Games, bad guys all around seem to think they can handle the JCVD. In the interest of learning vicariously from the mistakes of others, here are a few of their stories. For your reading pleasure, 8 villains who made the mistake of pissing off Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Chong Li, Bloodsport

I guess it would be difficult to blame Chong Li for thinking he could take on Jean-Claude Van Damme. After all Bloodsport was one on JCVD's first starring roles, so his reputation was not as set in stone as it is today. He learned his lesson the hard way, though, being forced into submission after trying to blind Van Damme with an underhanded trick during their climactic kickboxing match. Even cheating won't save you once you piss off Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Fender Tremolo, Cyborg

Some villains make the mistake of thinking that they can get away with pissing off Jean-Claude Van Damme just because they live in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. WRONG. In Cyborg, Fender Tremolo has a band of pirates to back him up, and he still ends up hanging from a meat hook, courtesy of Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Raymond Zhang, Double Impact

Here's a humorous idea: Despite the fact that it's impossible to piss off Jean-Claude Van Damme without ending up (at the very least) in a hospital bed, triad crime lord Raymond Zhang thinks he can get away with pissing off two Jean-Claude Van Dammes. In a dual role, JCVD plays separated identical twins who end up in Hong Kong to take down Zhang. And, [spoiler alert], they do it. Oh boy, do they do it.

Tong Po, Kickboxer

Even as JCVD villains go, Tong Po is pretty vile. In addition to trying to blackmail Van Damme into throwing a kickboxing match by kidnapping his brother, he's a rapist, which is enough to piss anyone off. His underhanded tricks don't pay off, though, since once Van Damme's brother is out of danger, he kicks Po's ass in the ring. It would have been a much better plan to just steer clear of JCVD in the first place, Tong Po.

Andrew Scott, Universal Soldier

In Universal Soldier, the villain who thinks he can step to Jean-Claude Van Damme is played by none other than Dolph Lundgren. The story is this: A top-secret government project takes soldiers killed in Vietnam and reanimates them as emotionless "UniSols." What the brass doesn't realize is that JCVD and Lundgren killed each other in Vietnam because Lundgren had gone completely insane, Apocalypse Now-style. You wouldn't think it would be possible to piss off an emotionless reanimated American GI, but Lundgren manages it and ends up meeting his maker thanks to Van Damme.

M. Bison, Street Fighter

Raul Julia's performance as M. Bison in Street Fighter is widely praised, but unfortunately that didn't help him when it came to going up against Jean-Claude Van Damme. In the end, it's one of Jean-Claude Van Damme's patented kicks that finishes M. Bison. Kind of like Led Zeppelin finishing with "Stairway to Heaven," it just feels right.

Senator Aaron McComb, Timecop

Not all of the scoundrels who attempt to cross Jean-Claude Van Damme are thugs. At least one of them is an elected official, such as the chief bad guy in Timecop. He engages in a variety of bad behaviors to piss of Jean-Claude, such as murder, corruption, unchecked ambition, and threatening his loved ones. The price he pays? Being forcibly collided with his time-traveling "other self," which turns them both into a puddle of bloody goo. Not quite as simply elegant as a roundhouse kick, but it'll do.

Edward Garrotte, Replicant

Are you ready to have your mind blown? In Replicant, the unlucky son of a bitch who pisses off Jean-Claude Van Damme is Jean-Claude Van Damme himself! Here's the deal: Edward Garrotte is a serial killer with a penchant for setting innocent women on fire after he kills them. In order to track the killer down (just bear with me on this), the authorities collect some of his DNA from a crime scene, clone him, and use the clone's telepathic link with Garrotte. It works, and the replicant ends up (of course) kicking the killer's ass. This answers the common philosophical question of whether Jean-Claude Van Damme would be able to deliver a kick powerful enough to knock himself out.