I shall now list all the ways that the universe has chosen to punch me in the dick on an annual basis:

Hockey is the greatest sport in the land. Being a St. Louis Blues fan is akin to Coitus Interruptus.

Football is awesome, too, but not quite as awesome. Being an Arizona Cardinals fan comes within a minute and a half of being the penultimate awesome, yet here I sit, awash in hope.

Baseball is pretty cool – mostly in person and in the postseason – and as a San Diego Padres fan, the product in the taprooms is infinitely more fruitful than the product on the field. Thankfully, the taproom product is second to none.

Basketball? I’ve tried. Living in Portland for a time, that’s really all you have. Had I stayed, I’d be a basketball fan. Now? It does nothing but take away from the greatest sport in the land.