Thursday, January 26, 2006

Weekend Assignment #96: Becoming Your Parents

Weekend Assignment #96: Becoming Your Parents

John Scalzi takes a moment from his hyper-author-on-tour schedule to observe, “And so, why exactly am I gesturing sternly with the finger? Why, I'm just trying to get into the mood of this week's Weekend Assignment, as suggested by Debbted:

Weekend Assignment #96: "For ladies: Name an incident when you thought: '"OMG I AM my mother! For guys: Same with your father!"

Extra credit: What did you parents do when you told them about it?”

Dear John,

You are in New York and Philly, I am off to unspecified locations. But, as a parting gesture to my adored readers (all seven of you – I love you all very much (sob!), I'll reveal this anecdote.

I was driving Matt and Kate back to Vermont to their father's home for a school holiday visit. Their mother was unable to accompany us due to work obligations, and the kids were feeling out of sorts. They often did whenever they changed residences. It just came with the territory.

They were working off their anxiety by sniping back and forth at each other. After a couple of hours of this my nerves were beginning to fray.

Once back on the interstate and within an hour of our destination, I was hoping the road hum would put both, or at least one of them, to sleep.

No such luck. Bickering escalated to all-out war as we got closer to our goal. My nerves were on edge from an all-day assault by coffee and adolescents.

I could take no more.

In an appropriate straight away, I hit the brakes and the car came to a screeching halt.

Now, there'd been some close calls in the past. Raising kids, there's bound to be. I've yet to meet a truly original human being, after all. But this time was different and I knew it practically before I opened my mouth and uttered these fateful words:

“If I have to stop this car one more time, out you go and you'll WALK THE REST OF THE WAY to your father's.

There it was, floating there in a sea of red for all the world to see. My very own repetition of my father's admonition, uttered time after time in frustration with three rambunctious boys cooped up in a car on a long trip. I knew I'd never be the same. I'd become a doppleganger of my father.

What a revolting development THAT was!

While my wife was alternately horrified and amused (she knew I'd do it if the children had pushed the issue), sadly, my parents were both dead and never got to see their mini-me in action.

And so it goes. Hope you brought enough sharpies.

All my love to Krissy and Athena. They both grow more beautiful every day, you lucky man.

wil

Have a great weekend, Ladies and Germs. I'll be back to regale you with new nonsense next week some time. Sooner, if it starts snowing. And its always snowing somewhere, isn't it?

All Snooze ... All The Time!

About Me

Well past (by at least a decade) the half century mark. One foot in the grave, the other on a banana peel at the rim of the abyss and the view from here is disconcerting. I am a former student, pearl diver, cook, truck driver, firefighter, EMT, CEO, Town Fire Warden, mechanic, oiler, marine engineer and computer whiz bang. Mostly I sleep these days in an aluminum tube. And So It Goes...
I waste my time reading blogs and kvetching about the weather, playing with our Schipperke sidekick, Ignatz McGraw and waiting hand by foot upon my wife, the Queen of our Hovel, She Who Must Be Obeyed (SWMBO).

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There are many types of magic, but all require a sharp mind and a cool head. There is no puzzle I can't solve, no problem I can't think my way out of. When you feel confused or uncertain, you can always rely on me to untangle the knots and put everything back in order for you.