I really dislike pumpkin, but I've been in 2 situations where pumpkin was served, once as a soup and once as a pie. In both cases, I ate as much as I could stomach and then claimed to be full. In both cases, it was so the host would not feel bad about serving something I didn't like. I know that both hosts would have felt horrible, after having spent time preparing something they were proud of, if I told them I didn't want any. It wasn't going to kill me, and I thought the host's feeling were more important than my food preferences.

I am mostly just curious – is there ever a point (short of severe allergies) that you would say it would be more rude (or just wrong or silly) to try to eat some? Or do you figure its best to try and then whatever happens happens even if it rather obvious.

If it will make you sick, of course you shouldn't eat it. But, if you just don't like it, I say suck it up and be polite, or eat around it. Sour Cream in large quantities makes me gag, so I usually just eat around a big pile of Sour Cream, or push it to the side of the plate.

So retching and gagging at someone’s cooking is acceptable and the polite thing to do? Wow I always thought that it would be seen as an insult to be visible that disgusted by what you eat.

Ok I’ll keep that in mind in the future. I just thought if it is polite to excuse yourself if you need to cry, then it would be likewise not to have your eyes tear up at the dinner table.

Guess I just have to suck it up from now on and eat it no matter how miserable it makes me.

I really dislike pumpkin, but I've been in 2 situations where pumpkin was served, once as a soup and once as a pie. In both cases, I ate as much as I could stomach and then claimed to be full. In both cases, it was so the host would not feel bad about serving something I didn't like. I know that both hosts would have felt horrible, after having spent time preparing something they were proud of, if I told them I didn't want any. It wasn't going to kill me, and I thought the host's feeling were more important than my food preferences.

I am mostly just curious – is there ever a point (short of severe allergies) that you would say it would be more rude (or just wrong or silly) to try to eat some? Or do you figure its best to try and then whatever happens happens even if it rather obvious.

If it will make you sick, of course you shouldn't eat it. But, if you just don't like it, I say suck it up and be polite, or eat around it. Sour Cream in large quantities makes me gag, so I usually just eat around a big pile of Sour Cream, or push it to the side of the plate.

So retching and gagging at someone’s cooking is acceptable and the polite thing to do? Wow I always thought that it would be seen as an insult to be visible that disgusted by what you eat.

Ok I’ll keep that in mind in the future. I just thought if it is polite to excuse yourself if you need to cry, then it would be likewise not to have your eyes tear up at the dinner table.

Guess I just have to suck it up from now on and eat it no matter how miserable it makes me.

Okay, this is not what I was saying, at all. Like I said, if it makes you sick, don't eat it. If it doesn't make you sick, work around it or eat a few bites. I don't like pumpkin but I can eat a few bites without retching or gagging and making a big scene. My only point is that if the host is proud of what they have made, trying a few bites is a polite thing to do.

If you don't think the host will be hurt or feel bad, go ahead and say you don't want any. I just think having a few bites is a good way to show the host that you appreciate the effort they made in trying to please you.

Okay, this is not what I was saying, at all. Like I said, if it makes you sick, don't eat it. If it doesn't make you sick, work around it or eat a few bites. I don't like pumpkin but I can eat a few bites without retching or gagging and making a big scene. My only point is that if the host is proud of what they have made, trying a few bites is a polite thing to do.

If you don't think the host will be hurt or feel bad, go ahead and say you don't want any. I just think having a few bites is a good way to show the host that you appreciate the effort they made in trying to please you.

Ok now I am confused

Is trying something you hate to the point of retching and gagging polite or now? Is it a compliment to try it but still hate it, or is it an insult to something they are proud of. I can’t see how literally gagging something down, you clear don’t like is less offensive that just declining – how would gagging compliment them in anyway?

Maybe the confusion lies in the word sick. To me sick is food poisoning/allergic reaction/prolonged (read at least several hours or even days) bodily disagreement – I would not really say I get *sick* when I eat the foods, I just find them appalling and it is visible apparent that I am not enjoying what I am eating. Are you defining sick as basically grossed out/”sick to your stomach”/gagging and the like? I just don’t see that as really sick so much as a momentary discomfort – that happens to manifest itself visible.

Okay, this is not what I was saying, at all. Like I said, if it makes you sick, don't eat it. If it doesn't make you sick, work around it or eat a few bites. I don't like pumpkin but I can eat a few bites without retching or gagging and making a big scene. My only point is that if the host is proud of what they have made, trying a few bites is a polite thing to do.

If you don't think the host will be hurt or feel bad, go ahead and say you don't want any. I just think having a few bites is a good way to show the host that you appreciate the effort they made in trying to please you.

Ok now I am confused

Is trying something you hate to the point of retching and gagging polite or now? Is it a compliment to try it but still hate it, or is it an insult to something they are proud of. I can’t see how literally gagging something down, you clear don’t like is less offensive that just declining – how would gagging compliment them in anyway?

Maybe the confusion lies in the word sick. To me sick is food poisoning/allergic reaction/prolonged (read at least several hours or even days) bodily disagreement – I would not really say I get *sick* when I eat the foods, I just find them appalling and it is visible apparent that I am not enjoying what I am eating. Are you defining sick as basically grossed out/”sick to your stomach”/gagging and the like? I just don’t see that as really sick so much as a momentary discomfort – that happens to manifest itself visible.

I don't think "being grossed out" and "gagging/retching" are polite at all. If you know you won't be able to control your physical reaction to a food, certainly don't eat it. But, if you can eat it without making a big scene, I think it would be kind to the hosts to try a few bites.

Making a face when you eat something is never a good idea. If you are unable to control yourself, certainly don't eat it. That would hurt the host even more than declining to try something they made for you.

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twinkletoes

I think what I'm getting from the 'just eat a few bites' is that if it's not your most absolute favorite food, but it won't kill you (and I mean that in the literal sense as well!) to eat a few bites....then eat a few bites. I really don't like lasagna, but I can eat a few bites of it. We all have foods we can't stand, for whatever reason, but it won't be the end of the world if we eat a bit of it.

Of course, if the sight/smell/taste/texture of a food makes you queasy, don't eat it.

If the person is persistant they are being rude. You are not rude to continue saying 'no thank you, I'd rather not.'

I remember eating creamed corn at my Grandmother's when I was about 9 because I thought it would be polite, even though I hated it. But once you are an adult, you should not have to explain your preferences or medical conditions.

I don't think "being grossed out" and "gagging/retching" are polite at all. If you know you won't be able to control your physical reaction to a food, certainly don't eat it. But, if you can eat it without making a big scene, I think it would be kind to the hosts to try a few bites.

Making a face when you eat something is never a good idea. If you are unable to control yourself, certainly don't eat it. That would hurt the host even more than declining to try something they made for you.

I think this is about how I feel too. For example, there isn't any way anyone is ever going to get me to eat liver. No. Way. I don't care who serves it to me, I am not eating it period.

In this case, or in one similar to this, I would politely decline the liver. If pressed, I would more firmly decline the liver. If pressed further, I'd explain my revulsion to liver in vivid detail and let the chips fall where they may, so to speak.

If I invite someone to my home and I'm serving something they just do not like, I don't want them to eat it just because they're afraid of hurting my feelings! That's nuts! I've got pizzas in the freezer and microwaveable meals too, and I've also got some take out places a few minutes away. I'd rather get them something else than have them sit there and starve.

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twinkletoes

MerryRaven: While I don't care for lasagna, I don't mind eating a little bit of it. It won't kill me to just take a little bit, and it's just easier all around. And usually, there really isn't much else - in my circle, it's 'bread, salad, side, main, dessert,' but not really enough where I can kind of fill up on a side or a salad.

It really doesn't matter to me to take a little bit of something, even if I don't love it. I won't get ill from an allergic reaction, I won't get queasy over the thought of eating the food - just a few bites, and that's enough.

You could say that you're already stuffed full with all the wonderful food that the hostess served for the main course, and you simply have no room for dessert. By the way, for what it's worth, I hate rice pudding too. Rice is NOT a dessert food, and putting it in a pudding with raisins doesn't make it one.

Mmmmm......I love rice pudding! Especially the Scandinavian kind with the almond in it. Turning down something is not rude in the least if it is done politely. I hate that warped etiquette rule that one must try everything so as not to insult the host. Is not polite to make guests eat things that they don't like. (did you hear that, Aunt?). Believe me, it would be more insulting to the cook if I gagged and couldn't swallow the sweet potatoes, which I hate with a passion, no matter how they're cooked.

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Peaches737

Dh is a very choosy eater. Most of my family knows this, and he is horribly embarrassed that they will go out of their way to "not" go to a seafood restaurant. (DH feels like there is chicken on every menu, he'll deal). What he cannot stand is other people monitoring his intake.

He was exceptionally gracious at the home of a collegue. (he hates squash, he hates soup). He had several spoonfuls , and nearly finished the squash soup. He was being scrutinized. He dislikes asparagus. Not quite to the point of gagging (he will with seafood) but enough. He was grilled as to why he finished it first (think kid getting the veggies out of the way). We didn't even say anytin prior. She was just an anxious cook.

It was pretty obnoxious. I don't even tell people that he is choosy anymore, because he hates for attention to be called to him.

I think what I'm getting from the 'just eat a few bites' is that if it's not your most absolute favorite food, but it won't kill you (and I mean that in the literal sense as well!) to eat a few bites....then eat a few bites. I really don't like lasagna, but I can eat a few bites of it. We all have foods we can't stand, for whatever reason, but it won't be the end of the world if we eat a bit of it.

Well, there are foods I do not like, and I could take a few bites to be polite. I strongly dislike onions, but I'll eat a bite or two of your onion tart to make you happy. But there are foods I cannot stand. And those I will not touch. Do not set steak tartare in front of me, or a fish with the head still on it, and expect me to eat a few bites. It may not be the end of the world, but I'm still not going to take a bite. If that makes me rude, so be it.

MerryRaven

There is absolutely no way that I could ever eat pickled beets, even a bite or two, just to be polite.

I do not have an allergy, I have a strong aversion to even the smell. It is probably psychological but I have no idea where it comes from and at my age it won't change.

I have developed recently the same kind of aversion to black olives which I always used to love. It happened after a bout of stomach flu and I don't know why. I hadn't eaten olives for weeks prior to the illness.

There is no reason in my mind why, as an adult I would ever have to eat or pretend to eat anything I do not like just for show. You do not have to get cranky about it you do not have to make a scene if people persist, you just have to say "no thanks."

Where did the idea that adults should be forced to eat something out of "politeness" come from?

I am diabetic and I don't eat cake with lots of icing either. So at birthday parties and weddings, I just say "No thanks."

I never mention my diabetes or my diet and never feel the need to do so.

If someone is insulted because I politely refuse something, in my opinion that is their problem.