A Memphis high school principal publicly outed a bunch of gay kids when she posted a list of couples teachers had told her were "known couples" in hopes of shaming them out of making out in the hallways. And yes, that is mindbogglingly outrageous — as opposed to merely "sad," which is how I characterized it before I realized many of the couples had no public makeout history — but the ACLU is on it and I feel there is a more important matter at hand, because it is Friday, and a bunch of you are invariably going to be engaging in Public Displays of Affection tonight. And I'm okay with that. This morning I revealed that I had once been kicked out of a bar for making out. I like making out in bars and on street corners sometimes, because making out at home on your couch gets old and inevitably leads to fucking, and you can't run errands or get drunk while you're fucking. But sometimes I forget how it makes others feel.

My friend Ryan just dedicated a blog to pictures of couples engaging in PDA. It's called "Your Love Hurts Me." And it is probably a testament to his character that my friend Don steadfastly refuses to make out in public, even when he is really really drunk. Which leads me back to the subject of Memphis principal Daphne Beasley.

Is there a more depressing place on this earth than the high school hallway after school during homecoming season when there's a couple sucking face at every third locker and your crush doesn't know you're alive??

Okay, Baghdad is a more depressing place. Our old reliable Yemen isn't looking too great either.