4 Parenting Tips from Brene Brown’s Book:

ONE

Shame versus Guilt:

Most of us know what shame and guilt are, yet I didn’t fully understand the difference when it comes to parenting. And I sure didn’t realize the different outcomes of shame versus guilt on children as they grow up.

Brene is a shame researcher. She distinguishes shame versus guilt in this way. Shame says I am bad and guilt says I made a bad choice. Do you see the difference? Shame-based parenting puts the negative behavior as who they are, while guilt-based parenting focuses on the behavior.

Shame-based parenting is what was the norm in past generations. It’s slowly becoming less popular as new parenting methods are becoming more prevalent.

What blew me away was the long-term effects of shame-based parenting. Those children who are raised with shame are more likely to be depressed, drop out of school, be involved in risky sexual behaviors, drugs, and alcohol. While children who were parented using guilt are more likely to graduate and be involved in less risky behaviors. This is a big deal and the biggest factor between the shame-driven versus guilt-driven kids is the way they are parented.

Obviously, Brene Brown recommends that we should parent using guilt, not shame. She states, “I’m just going to say it: I’m pro-guilt. Guilt is good. Guilt helps us stay on track because it’s about our behavior. It occurs when we compare something we’ve done – or failed to do – with our personal values.” This is what we want our children to experience- guilt, not shame.

TWO

Developmental Milestones to Look for:

Brene Brown talked about a study that was done in the 1960’s where they put 12-18 month children with their mothers in front of a mirror. They put rouge on the mother’s nose and watched what the children did. The children would look in the mirror and try to wipe off the rouge off of their own nose, not their mothers.

From this study, they determined that young children cannot distinguish themselves from their caregivers (attachment theory). But when children hit around the age of two, they are able to see themselves as separate from their parents. That’s why when you ask your two year old to come they run the other way.

Brene’s husband is a pediatrician and he wants to hear that the two year old is being a challenge. If a two year old isn’t being defiant and doing the opposite of what you ask them to do, he’d be concerned about their developmental stage. What we see as frustrating behaviors are often times developmental milestones that should be celebrated.

Since I have a two year old, this really resonated with me. It changed my perspective and gave me a better understanding about his behavior. This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t give our children limits. Brene says our job as parents are creating limits and boundaries and sticking to them. My big takeaway was understanding why my child’s behavior is really a developmental milestone.

THREE

The Power of Play

Obviously playing together as a family is important, but I’ve never heard research that backed this up. A violence researcher studied case after case of people who are incarcerated because of violent behavior. He was trying to find a common factor from their childhood, and his conclusion was that there was a lack of play as children.

This research was really interesting to me and encouraged me to play more with my kids. Brene Brown wanted to put this into action in her own family, so she had a family meeting where each person talked about what activities they enjoy so much that they lose track of time and laugh to the point of tears. They were able to determine what they love as a family and they plan activities and vacations around those activities. I love this idea.

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FOUR

Practicing Gratitude as a Family Tradition:

We live in an age where entitlement is a huge concern for our children. Brene says the cure for entitlement is practicing gratitude. Her family makes this a practice when they eat dinner. They say a prayer before the meal and then each family member says something they are grateful for that day.

She says that they have had deeper dinner conversations because of this technique. Sometimes her kids reveal something that they are dealing with like ‘I’m thankful for my grandparents.’ Her child who said this had a friend who was dealing with a grandparent that just passed. I’ve loved this idea and have started incorporating this gratitude practice into our dinner routine.

Brene Brown‘s audiobook “The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting: Raising Children with Courage, Compassion & Connection” is full of so many wonderful parenting ideas. This isn’t a book you’ll just want to skim- every word is powerful! I listened to this audiobook three times, it’s that good! Plus, it’s only two hours long.

I recommend listening to this audiobook with your spouse. It will give you valuable information and great talking points to help you both approach your parenting together. So if you’re looking for a refresher in your parenting or a good dose of encouragement, I’d highly recommend Brene’s book.

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]]>Feeling Judged as a Parent?https://amberleerich.com/feeling-judged-as-a-parent/
Wed, 26 Jun 2019 22:01:02 +0000https://amberleerich.com/?p=31087The post Feeling Judged as a Parent? appeared first on Amberlee Rich.
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I’m calling all you perfect parents out there, those with Ph.D.’s and parenting expert titles. If you have children that listen the first time you ask, who eat all the food on their plate, and who never have a tantrum, please do share your insights with us.

But for the rest of us out there, parenting can be a struggle of figuring out what works and what doesn’t. And once you think you’ve got your parenting methods down, your child changes. And let’s not forget about adding more children into the mix with different temperaments and personalities. Our kids are constantly changing, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that we can struggle parenting a moving target.

I’m not a parenting expert by any means, but I do try to be the best parent I can be. I think most parents would admit that they are trying to raise their kids to the best of their abilities. (I’m not referring to parents who are neglecting and abusing their children.) Yet, why do so many parents (including myself) feel like the way we are raising our kids isn’t good enough? Most of us are feeling judged as a parent.

Parenting is challenging as is, and then the way we parent is often judged by others. There are so many labels out there making parenting even tougher waters to navigate. Am I too much of a helicopter mom? Or am I a tiger mom? Maybe I’m just a #badmom and the list goes on and on. Labeling just divides us and creates parenting shame.

Brene Brown says, “Ironically,parenting is a shame and judgment minefield precisely because most of us are wading through uncertainty and self-doubt when it comes to raising our children.” Isn’t that so true! My mother-in-law always says parenting isn’t for wimps, and I can wholeheartedly agree with her.

I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling opposition in the way I raise my own kids. As parents, we have so many decisions to make for our children. Should we vaccinate? Circumcise or not? Breastfeed or formula feed? Sleep-train or not? Spank? Do time outs? What about sleepovers? Give screen-time or not? Eat organic food? Y’all this list is endless.

As parents we make decisions on behalf of our children all of the time- it’s our job. And that makes this parenting gig tricky. Often times our parenting decisions are different than the decisions our family and friends would choose. It’s easy to feel personally attacked when we see others parenting different than us, especially if they comment on the subject.

I’m not immune to those unpleasant comments that stop you in your tracks and make you feel like you’re a #badmom. I’ve had people confront me on hard issues like vaccinating my kids, circumcision, and so much more. Yes, I didn’t enjoy those conversations. At times, I second guessed our decisions that we were so adamant about.

But most of those conversations came from people who care about my kids. I doubt that they wanted to make me feel like a #badmom, they said what they said because they care. That being said, it’s hard to not take those comments personally. It feels like you’re being told you’re doing a bad job at parenting, and no one wants to hear that.

I don’t want to neglect the fact that sometimes we do need to change our parenting approach. If someone says something about how you parent that you don’t agree with, try not to take offense. There may be validity to what is being said. If that’s the case, change what you’re doing.

We all should be teachable in every area of our lives. So, if someone has a helpful comment, use it. Our kids change so quickly, so we need to be open to changing our tactics. But if their comments aren’t valid or line up with what you and your spouse believe is best for your child, keep doing what you are doing and try not to get offended by it.

So How Do We Stop Feeling Judged as a Parent?

The sad reality is that I’m guilty of fueling this judgment fire myself. I used to have such strong convictions about sleep training to the point that I thought every parent should sleep-train. Hands down, the book “Babywise” helped me navigate the early years of my children’s lives. I thrived on the routine of the plan. Instead of feeling completely clueless when it came to parenting and what my infant needed, I felt confident in what to do. If you haven’t guessed, I love routines and schedules. Knowing when my kids napped gave me the freedom to plan my day.

Needless to say, my love of sleep training got out of hand. Because the Babywise method helped me so much, I thought I should start preaching about it as if it were gospel. I earnestly wanted others to reap the benefits I experienced, yet I’m pretty sure it didn’t come across that way. Looking back in my own life, I’m guessing that most people who push their philosophy or parenting techniques on others is doing it out of helpfulness, even if it doesn’t come across like it.

I began to notice that I started to look down on parents who didn’t have their kids on a schedule. My mind couldn’t fathom that kind of existence. Honestly, just thinking about the lack of routine stresses me out. Then I came to the conclusion that I wasn’t in the majority. Most parents don’t set eight timers on their phone to remind them when their child should be awake and go to bed. Many parents would probably cringe at the rigidness in sleep training. Nonetheless, I would tell every expectant mom all about how amazing Babywise was as I touted its praise.

Then my thinking shifted. I started having real conversations with moms who didn’t parent like me, and guess what? They are doing a fabulous job and they are trying their best. Just because the sleep-scheduling method I used worked well for me and my children, doesn’t mean that every child birthed into this world should be practicing the Babywise method.

It was a reality check for me. My narrow view shouldn’t be the only way, and could you imagine every parent parenting the same way? Goodness, our society would be so boring and predictable! I’ve started to recognize and correct myself when I start going down judgment ally. It’s a nasty journey that harms others and myself.

I love this quote by Brene Brown about parenting judgment. She says, “If I feel good about my parenting, I have no interest in judging other people’s choices. If I feel good about my body, I don’t go around making fun of other people’s weight or appearance. We’re hard on each other because we’re using each other as a launching pad out of our own perceived deficiency.” Brene’s conclusion to the whole mom-shaming debacle is that we cast judgments on others because we aren’t comfortable or confident in the way we are parenting.

If you are feeling judged by the way you parent or feeling like you’re not good enough for the job, I want you to cling onto this. The truth in the matter is that God chose you, yes YOU to be the parent of your children. There is a reason your children are yours. God has equipped you to make those decisions for your children. Instead of playing the comparison game with all the other parents you see, lean into the fact that you are your child’s parent for a reason.

I truly believe that we need to stop viewing other parenting techniques and methods as the enemy that needs to be battled or debated to death. Instead of feeling like we have to have impenetrable armor and our parenting methods as our weapons, what if we became vulnerable and walked alongside other parents? What if we talked openly about our struggles without fear of feeling like a failing parent? Could you imagine having that kind of support even from parents who parent differently than you?

There is no Holy Grail parenting book or method that has all of the answers. Let’s stop viewing the way we parent as a competition. All parents struggle. We have good moments, and we have ones that we aren’t proud of. The thing is, we all are trying to raise our kids well, yet we see so many different ways to parent. It’s so easy to judge others who parent differently than we do and often times we feel like we are on the receiving end of judgment from other moms. Check out my post all about mommy judgment here.

So let’s quit labeling our parenting and feeling guilty for being a bad parent. What if instead of viewing other parenting ideas as competition, we gained insight from other perspectives? We need to focus on raising little humans that will be a positive influence on the world. We are the example our children see. So let’s stop the name-calling, judgments, and rude comments. Let’s come alongside other parents as we are raising the next generation.

I’m a huge proponent of minimalism, but decorating a home with less is tricky. If you look in magazines and through Pinterest, most of the homes are full of stuff. Bookshelves are filled with knick-knacks, books, and artwork. So how do you have a put-together home without adding more clutter? How can you have a cozy minimalist home that is welcoming?

When most of us envision minimalism, we think of stark white walls, a single sofa, and maybe a lone painting. That may work well for a swanky bachelor pad, but come-on, what does a REAL minimalist home actually look like? Ya know, how about a minimalist family home? We don’t want guests to look at us like we are aliens who lost everything we own in a freak accident. Don’t we all want our homes to have a lived-in welcoming cozy feel?

To be honest, I’ve never felt like I’ve had this decorating sense dialed in. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to spend the excess money, go shopping, or whatever lame excuses I may have. Bottom line, my home works, but I don’t love every look in it. That’s why I read, “The Cozy Minimalist Home: More Style, Less Stuff” by Myquillyn Smith. Let me tell you, Myquillyn walks you through her philosophy and how to discover your own style without taking a quiz. I actually took away quite a few new tools in my design toolbelt.

Here are a few of the insights I gleaned from this binge-worthy book… (I read it in an evening). Each step is meant to be followed in order, so you don’t have to over buy items that you don’t need. Myquillyn recommends focusing on one room at a time, so you create momentum. She equates this to Dave Ramsey’s debt snowball.

8 Steps to a Cozy Minimalist Home

ONE

Discover Your Style:

Myquillyn believes that we all have a personal style, we just have a hard time knowing it and expressing it. She recommends that you create Pinterest boards for each room you want to redo i.e. living room, bedroom, bathroom, etc. You should pin with purpose and passion. The more you pin, the better. Check out the Pinterest boards I created to give you an idea about how to create your own dream boards: kitchen, bedroom, living room, dining room, kids playroom, and work space.

Sit down with a few friends who have homes with a style you admire and ask them to look through your pins to see anything in common. By having other people look at what you like, can give you a better understanding of yourself and your own style.

TWO

Let Your Room Speak:

Work one room at a time and remove everything- curtains and all. Pay attention to the space and what you have to work with. Determine what are the highlights of the room. Do you have a fireplace, a window with a great view, interesting architecture?

Myquillyn talks about the overall feel of your home. If your home feels rustic, add the opposite. By adding some industrial modern pieces into a rustic home, you create balance. Most of us don’t want our home to look like a movie set, so don’t put rustic headboards in a rustic home unless you want your home to look country.

THREE

Start Slowly Adding in Furniture:

Start with the most important pieces, like the couch. She talks about primary and secondary seating. Don’t look back to where you have put furniture in the past, allow the room to speak and determine where it should go.

FOUR

Add Rugs, Drapes, and Lighting:

In “The Cozy Minimalist Home,” Myquillyn tells us that rugs, curtains and lighting can add the most style without taking up massive amounts of space. Most of us are buying too small of rugs and and too short of drapes. Small rugs make a room look small, so don’t choose the typical 5’ x 8’ rug. The bigger the rug the better. If you don’t have small children, a jute rug is an inexpensive rug and can come in very large sizes and adds texture.

When it comes to curtains, most people hang curtains right above a window. She recommends hanging them as high as possible to give the illusion of larger windows, hence you need longer drapes.

Myquillyn is a huge proponent of secondary lighting because overhead lighting is harsh and hurts our eyes. Most rooms should have three different lamps, sconces, or some other secondary lighting. Choose the larger lamp to give a stronger visual impact without adding clutter.

FIVE

Paint the Walls:

You would think that you’d want to paint the walls when your room is completely empty, but she doesn’t recommend it. Once you have the drapes, rug, and furniture put together. It is much easier to choose a paint color to match with existing decor than to try to match an existing paint color.

SIX

Put up Artwork:

For a minimalist style, you want the most impact with the fewest amounts of items. So, go big here. Put the oversized painting up, choose the larger mirror or architectural find.

Myquillyn talks about the ⅔ rule. Artwork, a t.v., really anything should be ⅔ of the size of what it below it. If you want to put artwork above your sofa, the piece should be roughly ⅔ of the size of the couch. Most people put something smaller there and then end up having to add more to it because it just doesn’t look right.

SEVEN

Add Accessories:

Instead of filling your home with loads of knick-knacks, choose larger statement pieces. Focus on texture, scale, shape, and mass to create a put-together look.

Add in large plants for added impact. You can even add branches, evergreens, and flowers from your yard. Myquillyn discusses how to decorate your home seasonally without all of the extra items that need to be rotated throughout the year.

EIGHT

Get Rid of the Rest:

Instead of purging to see what is left, this method focuses on what you love and what works. Everything else you can get rid of. Hence, what didn’t make the cut, donate, give, or sell. This is reverse decluttering.

I wanted to use the new techniques I learned from “The Cozy Minimalist Home” with this shelving area above our murphy bed. The first picture had a set of drums there, I’m not sure why, so forget that was there. I used items I already had in my house to decorate this area. It’s clear to see that my after is much better than my cluttered before photo. The texture of the bead board on the back of the shelves is so much more prominent once I used the Cozy Minimalist Method. I was surprised with how much more impact these items had when I displayed less.

I really enjoyed this book. It gave me a better philosophy on how to decorate with a minimalist style that is still cozy and welcoming.

The biggest unanswered question I am left with was how do you decorate like this if you rearrange often? My husband and I love to rearrange our living room at least every other month. The way Myquillyn Smith talks about decorating is that this is going to be a permanently arrangement- at least for a few years. I would love to hear her take on being flexible with rearranging.

But overall, this book is inspirational and thorough. If you’re wanting a decorating book just so you can peruse pictures, this isn’t the book for you. If you want to be taught core concepts, and a step-by-step approach, “The Cozy Minimalist Home” is a winner.

]]>7 Minimalism Lifestyle Benefitshttps://amberleerich.com/minimalism/
Fri, 08 Mar 2019 22:34:21 +0000https://amberleerich.com/?p=30543What we own impacts our wallets, time, energy, and our stress level. Don’t we all want to have the freedom to do more of what makes us feel alive? But most of us aren’t living in that freedom. Amberlee Rich shares how Minimalism impacts every area of our lives.

What we own impacts our wallets, time, energy, and our stress level. Don’t we all want to have the freedom to do more of what makes us feel alive? But most of us aren’t living in that freedom. We shop for more, spend more, clean more, and get stressed out more. Our accumulation of possessions don’t satisfy. That little retail therapy high only last the afternoon. So what’s the cure?

Minimalism. There are so many Minimalism lifestyle benefits that will change your life.

Joshua Becker describes Minimalism as, “the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of anything that distracts us from it.” I just want to follow up with a whopping big Amen! Minimalism gives us clarity of what’s important to us and what isn’t. It isn’t just about having less; Minimalism gives you the ability to focus on what matters.

Decluttering is a large component of Minimalism and it takes time. Most of us are so overwhelmed by our stuff that we feel paralyzed and don’t want to start. When you look at what you own and determine if it ‘sparks joy,’ like Marie Kondo says, it will take time.

Personally, I’ve been on the journey of pursuing a life of less for the past few years. My life has drastically changed for the better through practicing Minimalism. Before I started practicing Minimalism, I was stressed and exhausted. I felt like I was failing in motherhood because I spent more time doing housework than with my kids.

The way I was using my time was not lining up with my priorities. Something needed to change. That’s where Minimalism came in. Minimalism reduces my stress and frees up my time. I cannot sing enough praise over the power of Minimalism.

7 Minimalism Lifestyle Benefits:

ONE

Reduce Stress:

Did you know that a study through UCLA discovered that for women, the more stuff they own, the more stressed out they become. I don’t need a scientific study to confirm this, I believe it hands down. The more we own, the bigger the mess and the more we have to clean, rearrange and organize. Most of us want a peaceful home, but clutter gets in the way.

Once I started purging my home of the excess, the hand-me-downs, and all the things that weren’t serving our family, I felt a wave of relief. It was like I reclaimed my motherhood.

My mood is directly linked to the level of mess of my home. I wish it wasn’t that way, but it is. By having a decluttered house, my home is so much easier to manage and stays neater even with two little ones.

TWO

More Time:

Minimalism and time management go hand-in-hand. Envision time management like creating a spending plan or a budget. If you just spend however you please, your money is going to disappear out of thin air. But once we get intentional with how our money is spent, we have the ability to save more. It’s like getting a pay raise, without the raise.

When we start looking at how we spend our time and get intentional with it, you become more productive and have more time to work with. Minimalism gives you the opportunity to take charge of your time and your possessions, since you are focusing on what is important in life.

It takes quite a bit of intentional time investment to purge and declutter your home. But once that first wave of decluttering occurs, your time investment pays dividends. There would be no way that I would be able to create my own website, consistent content, learn all the new skills required, and still be present with my kids without Minimalism. I now have the time to pursue my own passions, and I’m enjoying motherhood so much more.

THREE

More Freedom:

Decluttering gives you a high, I’m not gonna lie! I couldn’t believe how freeing it is to give and let go of what isn’t serving our family. Instead of feeling stuck and needing to clean my home 24/7, I now have the freedom to take my kids to the park on a whim. Minimalism gave me freedom to do what I want to do.

The women I have helped declutter their homes have all said that it’s like an invisible weight has lifted. They didn’t realize that they were drowning in a sea of their stuff. Once their homes were lighter (literally), they were able to focus on other areas of their lives they were neglecting and didn’t feel capable of tackling like exercise, nutrition, and more family time.

FOUR

Save More Money:

Do you ever go to a store and buy a cute shirt on sale and then it sits in the closet and barely gets worn? I used to buy amazing deals on clothes and what not because they were a great deal and I didn’t want to miss out.

Once I started practicing Minimalism, I saw what I owned with a more critical lense. I started asking more question about what I owned. It became harder for me to be ok with bringing new items in unless they were necessary and I loved them. I don’t want to undo all my hard decluttering work. This is one of many financial benefits of Minimalism.

I look at purchases differently than I used to. When I wanted new curtains for my living room, instead of looking only at the clearance racks, I started to think about what I really wanted. What drapes would I love to see everyday in my home? The clearance curtains would be a band-aid solution (if I didn’t love them). I would end up being unhappy in the long run causing me to spend more and shop more.

I don’t buy things willy-nilly anymore. Nate Berkus says, “be a ruthless editor of your home.” What a wonderful concept that I’m learning to live out. I shop less and buy less than ever before, which gives me more money to save and spend on what’s important to me and my family.

FIVE

Stop Looking for Missing Items:

Can you believe that Americans spend 2.5 days a year looking for lost/misplaced items according to a recent study? These lost items cost American families $2.7 billion annually to replace! Holy smokes!! That’s insane!

How often do we keep something because we think we may need it someday, and then we end up unable to find it or completely forgot that we even owned it. That happens way too often. If we assess what we own and each item has a home, we save ourselves time and money.

This used to be me to a T. I knew I had a set of wire cutters for the shoffice (my husband’s shed office) we were building, but they could be anywhere in the garage. It would be easier to drive to the store and buy a new pair than to go through every nook and cranny hoping to find it and that’s what we ended up doing.

You could say my house used to be pretty disorganized, until one day I realized that everything in my home needed to have a home. I know that that’s common sense, but that thought seriously never occured to me. Maybe it was divine revelation that brought me this notion.

Here’s another example, I used to get so frustrated when my kids wouldn’t clean up well (I still do, but not nearly as often). After I talked to them about it, my oldest told me they didn’t know where everything went. My kids were overwhelmed and so was I. It was like a lightbulb went off and I realized that I wasn’t training my kids where I wanted them to put their toys. I had tons of unlabeled totes for them to fill with their toys, it’s no wonder they were confused and overwhelmed. So I made labels with pictures for each tote. That alone made a world of difference.

SEVEN

The Ripple Effect:

Once I saw how my life changed through Minimalism, I wanted to share it with others, especially moms. Most of us moms feel like our home is our territory, we’re typically running our homes. If our home is a disaster, we feel like our house is reflecting our character, so we’re a disaster. When our homes have less, we have time for more of the important things in life. I sure don’t want my kids to remember me by constantly cleaning and maintain our home. I want them to remember me as the mom that’s interactive, engaged, and plays with them.

Once I had my home simplified, I chatted with a neighbor friend about it. I helped her declutter her whole home, garage and all. She started sharing about the freedom she’s experienced from having less with her friends and relatives. Many of them were inspired by her success, and decluttered their homes. Decluttering, if played right, can be a positive chain reaction. When you discover something this good, it’s hard not to share it.

SIX

Become More Generous:

I used to keep my mini-hoard just in case I may need it someday. It was all about the someday. I may need to have fifty washcloths, just in case a school bus drops off 50 kids that all need to wash their faces at the same time. Really?! The likelihood of that happening is slim to none. And don’t be like Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber and think that you’re telling me I have a chance.

Instead of keeping every little thing that might be remotely useful someday, I started to ask questions like when was the last time I used all these washcloths? Do I really need two drawers that are designated to washcloths? The answer was no. So I got rid of more than half of them. I chose my favorites and donated the rest.

By purging what I owned, I was able to help multiple new mom’s with baby items. I gave toys away to a few families I knew who were in need. Minimalism sparked generosity in me and my kids in a new way. Instead of keeping my stuff just in case, I started to think about who would enjoy what I don’t use. Seeing that my clutter was making a positive difference by giving it away is contagious. I realized that for years, I was keeping things just in case that could’ve been blessing people.

I prefer giving what I own directly to people who could use it instead of Goodwill or other thrift stores. You can contact local shelters and churches too. If I can’t find a good home quickly for it, I’ll donate it. But seeing my clutter help others, gives me more of a desire to keep just what I need so we can bless the socks off of others with our stuff.

I never would have imagined that I would call myself a Minimalist, but I sure do enjoy the lifestyle benefits of Minimalism. I’ve always wanted a peaceful home, but I didn’t realize how much I was self-sabotaging myself by buying more and more. Minimalism has reduced my stress, freed up my time, given me freedom, and has saved me money. I’m not looking for lost items like I used to, I’m more generous, and I love how Minimalism continues to create a positive impact on my family and others. I never expected to experience so many positive effects from pursuing a life with less, but I’m so glad I did.

My hope for you is for you to take a look at what you own and ask yourself a few questions.

Do I love this?

When was the last time I used this?

Do I really need it?

Would this be able to bless someone else?

If my house was on fire, what would I really want to keep?

Too many of us are owned by our stuff. We feel suffocated by the sheer amount of it. Don’t wait until someday to go through it. Do yourself and your family a favor by having less. Once you start, you’ll be surprised how much better you feel.

What is one of the hardest areas or items to declutter? Please leave a comment below…

]]>Stop the Mommy Judgment Cyclehttps://amberleerich.com/stop-the-mommy-judgment-cycle/
Fri, 08 Feb 2019 07:01:24 +0000https://amberleerich.com/?p=29419There are so many societal and personal expectations of being mothers that makes us feel like we are never enough. How often do we see #badmom or #momfails? We see the highlight reels of other moms on Facebook and Instagram and we don’t feel like we add up. This fuels the mommy judgment cycle.

Motherhood feels like a rat race of being crazy busy with taking care of children, keeping a clean house, working, running errands, transporting kids where they need to go and the list goes on and on. There never seems to be a break.

There are so many societal and personal expectations of being mothers that makes us feel like we are never enough. How often do we see #badmom or #momfails? We see the highlight reels of other moms on Facebook and Instagram and we don’t feel like we add up. This fuels the mommy judgment cycle.

There’s so much judgment in the motherhood world from breastfeeding to formula, discipline methods and so much more. It’s insane. Motherhood is hard and feeling judged and inadequate doesn’t help.

I don’t think that I am alone in experiencing judgment from other moms. I’ve been told that I have nursed for too long, I didn’t rock my babies long enough, I don’t discipline my kids right and the list goes on. These moms probably didn’t have the intention to make me feel like I wasn’t mothering well, but it did.

It’s human nature that those negative comments are so much easier to recall than the positive ones. It’s so easy to follow the herd and judge. I’ve had to work on being more open-minded.

I love researching as much as I can about each stage of parenting I am in. This isn’t a bad thing, but it can make it easy for me to judge other moms who have a different parenting philosophy than I do. When I feel that mommy judgment is creeping up, I have to change the inner dialogue that goes through my mind.

So how do we stop this mommy judgment cycle?

This quote by Frank Outlaw has helped me evaluate my own thoughts. “Watch your thoughts; for they become words. Watch your words; for they become actions. Watch your actions; for they become habits. Watch your habits; for they becomecharacter. Watch your character for it will become your destiny.” Ah, I love that. We have to pay attention to our thoughts because they ultimately change our destiny.

Personally, I am working on speaking words of life to myself and everyone I am around. I often think of encouraging words, but I started to realize that I seldomly say them (especially to other women). I am challenging myself to say the positive things that I am thinking and to discover the root of the negative thoughts.

Instead of judging other moms, we need to support each other on this journey. It isn’t a competition. What if we said words of encouragement to the mom who is struggling with her crying kids at the grocery store? How much would you brighten her day?

How can we put the competition aside and support moms? Join me on the journey of changing our mindset by taking my 5-day challenge. Click the link below…

Have you ever been at a place in life where you looked around and wondered how did I ever get to this point? I had that realization while I was nursing my son a little over two years ago. My life seemed like a blur, an endless parade of duties. It was like I was juggling eighteen balls in the air and if I got sidetracked everything would come tumbling down. I had as much energy as a battery-operated toy that starts to sound funny right before the batteries die. Days flew by and my time seemed to disappear with nothing to show for it.

I put so much pressure on myself to be an amazing mom, prepare healthy meals, keep a clean and tidy house, volunteer at church, and the list goes on. But I knew I wasn’t measuring up. Dirty dishes lived in my sink and loads of laundry were always needing to be folded and put away. Walking across the living room floor was like walking through a mine field of toys, shoes, and who knows what.

All my time seemed to be spent on cleaning and it seemed like a new mess would magically reappear right before my eyes. Was I wasting my time? I longed to play with my kids and do more than just the mundane tasks.

I started to play a mental rewind of my life. Why was I spending more time keeping my home clean than being present and interacting with my children? Am I doing something wrong? Does everyone struggle with this or am I alone? What I owned was taking up all my time and energy. I wanted my time and energy to be focused on my family and what I truly care about. How did my priorities get so twisted?

Looking Back:

When I looked back at my life, I started to pay attention to how much stuff I actually have and my ability to maintain it. I realized that I’ve never been tidy. I never made my bed, and I couldn’t even keep my house clean before having kids. Rewinding even further back, my roommates in college put all of my water glasses that I left around the house in my bed once. They were so tired of finding cups everywhere. I was so oblivious to my mess that I had no idea that I was frustrating my friends. Needless to say, I can’t put all the blame on my kids for our messy house, I’m a large part of the equation.

Fast forward to married life, the first home my husband and I bought in 2010 was a giant undertaking. Inviting guests over was the only motivation for me to have a clean home. Once our friends left, the house turned quickly back into a mess and the sink filled with dirty dishes in a blink of an eye. The five bedrooms for the two of us seemed empty when we moved in, and so it became our job to fill them. The accumulation of more and more was happening at lightning speed without us even noticing. My home wouldn’t be featured on “Hoarders,” but what I owned was weighing me down. And when we found out I was pregnant, we had to ‘make room’ for our daughter. Instead of decluttering, we just rearranged our stuff from one room to the other.

Through a big move into a smaller home in a new city, we were forced to let go of quite a bit of what we owned. Downsizing was AMAZING for us! I can’t recommend it enough. To read all about that transition and the benefits of downsizing, read “3 Benefits of Downsizing Your Home Even if You Have a Family.” But even a smaller house didn’t keep me from keeping more than I should’ve.

I still struggled keeping my smaller home clean and tidy, but it was so much more manageable than our larger first home because it was almost half the size. But after having my second child, I dealt with pretty bad postpartum depression. I never experienced it with my daughter, so I was completely taken aback.

I was so frustrated with myself. My house was in utter chaos and I had absolutely no motivation to do anything about it. I felt like I was absolutely failing as a mom and a wife. So many women out there have way more kids than me and a put together house, what was wrong with me? Maybe those fictitious super women are only on television, but I just didn’t understand how no one warned me about this.

This was my breaking point. You could call it my point of self discovery all while nursing my son. This is when I asked the question how did I ever get to this point? And that led to a transformation I would’ve never expected.

The Transformation:

ONE

Desperate for Change

To be frank, I had had enough. I was sick of being miserable. I longed to fully enjoy those early months of my son’s life, but I was so exhausted that they became a blur. A drastic change was necessary. I needed to tackle what was driving me crazy, and one of my biggest stressors was the state of my house. I couldn’t be present with my kids, because I was working so hard picking up after them, doing laundry and the dishes. Looking back, I wish I would have slowed down and listened to my body and followed what I longed for: those sweet newborn snuggles.

After finally getting more sleep and a whole slew of other things, the postpartum depression started to lift. The depression was a mental battle of unmet expectations and unrealistic assumptions of what I should be doing. I wish I would have been brave and spoke up to my friends, family, and church that I so desperately needed help. Normally I’m the one who helps others, not the other way around. I was too proud to admit that I needed a village to help me out.

TWO

The Breakthrough

Thus my research adventure began. I had read Marie Kondo’s book “The Life-Changing Art of Decluttering” in 2014 when it came out. I knew about Minimalism and dabbled in it. Deep down, I knew that I need to do a serious purge of what I owned. My husband flew out of town for work, giving me more time in the evenings to tackle our stuff. So, this time I listened to the audio version of Marie Kondo’s book while I decluttered my home. If you want to read all about what “Marie Kondo Taught Me” click here. Then I listened to more books on decluttering through the free Hoopla App from my library while I purged.

The extra motivation I got from listening to the books was insane. I truly believe that decluttering is addicting. Seriously. You get a taste of freedom and you want more of it. Until I started to really assess what I owned, I never realized how much my possessions were impacting me. Once I did my first purge of my home, I felt lighter and freer. If I could rewind time, I would have decluttered like crazy ten years ago.

Even though the decluttering took some time, that time spent paid dividens. I had so much more energy because I wasn’t spending all my time cleaning my stuff. When you have less stuff to clean and maintain, you have more time.

THREE

Creating New Habits and Routines

I had less to clean and maintain, but I was missing a crucial element. I needed to create habits and routines to manage what I own. My bad habits were making me work more than I needed all while keeping me frustrated.

The little researcher in me turned to books, blogs, and podcasts for the secret remedy to my ailing home. At the time, I would have never in a million years thought I would ever write the articles: “5 Steps to a Tidy Kitchen” or “4 Tweaks to a Clutter-Free Home.” But ya know what, I did and I’m pretty proud of myself for taking some needed drastic changes. Just by adding simple new routines into my life like making my bed, I felt more accomplished and my home looked better. By adding some good routines in, I spend less time cleaning giving me more time to focus on what I want to do.

FOUR

The Big Aha Moment

One of the biggest takeaways from all my research was that clutter attracts clutter.I wish I could remember where I heard this from, but man, this phrase changed my life. Once I cleared the clutter from my bathroom sinks, they rarely get cluttered. But when I have an area with clutter, it breeds more clutter. This was my big aha moment. It gave me more motivation to not have clutter anywhere.

FIVE

The Result

My home isn’t perfect, but perfection isn’t what I’m going for. Amazingly, my house is more tidy and put together with less work, ah- that’s the power of Minimalism and some good routines.

I don’t believe any home is completely purged in one fell-swoop. Decluttering is a process. It goes in waves. My ability to let more go increases every time I purge my home. I’m currently in a challenge to declutter everyday for a month. And I can still find enough to declutter. I’m learning that less is more. Less stuff equals more time, less cleaning, and more money in my wallet. And I’m down for that!!

So if you’re struggling with keeping up your house, there’s hope. That’s the truth. If I can break my bad habits and live with less, so can you. If you’re thinking, oh you just don’t understand, I’m in a different boat than you. Let me tell you a quick story. Someone came over to my house and told me that they were putting off having kids for a while because they saw what it did to my house, and they weren’t ready for that. If that’s not a kick in the pants, I don’t know what is. Ouch! But, that isn’t my story anymore. I hope my house isn’t so messy that it alters someone elses future plans!

I’d just want to encourage you that if you feel overwhelmed by your stuff, do something about it.Take drastic measures, so you can experience drastic results. Coral a support team to keep you accountable, learn what you need to, and don’t get caught up in perfectionism. You can do this!

Have you ever walked into Costco to buy a handful of items and end up with a cart full that cost hundreds of dollars? Most of us can quickly fill our cart with unplanned items like no other. And don’t get me started about those samples! We all love ’em, but it takes some full-on self-control to roll your cart by and not throw in some sausage-stuffed ravioli or a bag of popcorn in that massive cart. I mean really- they even give samples of Doritos, like we’ve never eaten those before. Costco is strategic, those samples are out there to increase their sales and make you come back for more. In 2018, Costco made $138.4 billion in net sales according to recent statistics. So, they’ve got their marketing down.

And you know what, Costco is a little tricky. It’s hard to tell if you’re getting a great grocery deal. You can’t compare the price of three giant bottles of ketchup at Costco to the grocery store down the road. Plus, many of the food items tell you the price per ounce, not per unit, making it even more confusing. Most people just expect that food at Costco is a good deal. After all, they paid for a membership, so shouldn’t it be?

Sorry to burst your bubble, but the majority of grocery items at Costco are NOT a good deal.

I’m a comparison shopper and my grocery shopping catch-phrase is, “that’s not good enough.” What I mean by that is if I want to buy pears, but they’re not a good price, I walk away and don’t buy them. The pear price was “not good enough.” By having this kind of self-control, helps me to eat a sample, smile at the nice lady with a shower cap on her head and roll right on by. (I know it’s not a shower cap, but gosh, they look like one!)

If you struggle with impulse buys at Costco, eat ahead of time and stick to a list and don’t buy extras. Grocery shopping when you’re hungry is a recipe for disaster! If you can’t resist buying what you’re sampling, shop when they aren’t giving out samples.

I hope I haven’t completely scared you off from Costco. There are some items I will never buy at Costco and some that I consistently buy. I comparison shop and know the prices out there.

To make it easier on you, I’ve compiled a list of 5 items you shouldn’t buy at Costco and 5 that you should.

What You Shouldn’t Buy at Costco:

ONE

Frozen or Fresh Chicken Breasts:

The prices for chicken breast is insane at Costco averaging around $2.60 per lb. I never pay more than $1.80 per lb. at the nearby grocery stores. FYI: the majority of the meats are more expensive at Costco than regular grocery store prices.

TWO

Chips and Snack Foods:

Have you walked down the snack aisle at Costco and looked at the prices? Most bags of chips are $7! Yeah, seven whole dollars is outrageous! If you go to any grocery store, you are going to find a better deal even when you compare it to the smaller size. The one exception is Costco’s three pound bag of tortilla chips.

Beyond that, unless you’re going to a party, those chips are going to be stale quick. Buy the smaller bags at the regular grocery store. You’ll save calories and cash.

THREE

Most Produce:

The prices of Costco produce is really high and it’s hard to go through some of the portion sizes they have before it goes bad.

A bag of potatoes at Costco is $8 (25 lb) compared to a $2.25 (10 lb.) at a grocery store. Grapes are $2.70 lb. at Costco compared to the consistent sales on grapes for $.99 lb. at regular grocery stores when in season.

Most of the fruit at Costco is overpriced except the occasional watermelon. I’m pretty bummed that they just upped the price of bananas, so that isn’t even a great deal anymore.

FOUR

Condiments:

The prices for ketchup, mustard, BBQ sauce, relish and all that is really high, plus those bottles take up a lot of fridge space. Unless there’s a manufacturer markdown that’s insane, pass on it and buy the smaller cheaper versions at your local grocery store.

I can buy a bottle of mustard for less than a dollar at multiple grocery stores. So I pass on the ginormous Costco one.

FIVE

Canned items:

The majority of the canned corn, tomatoes, etc. is really expensive compared to grocery store prices. If you like buying cans in bulk, check out case lot sales at your local grocery stores or buy larger quantities of individual cans when they’re on sale.

Costco labels canned items by ounces and not by individual cans, making it harder to gauge what the actual price is per can. So pull out your phone’s calculator and do the math.

I’ve bought the gallon size tomato paste cans a few times for canning, which is a good deal. But how often do you need a gallon of tomato paste?

Don’t get the wrong impression that Costco is a complete rip-off. There are plenty of great deals at Costco on food. Here are some of the grocery items that are seriously good deals.

What You Should Buy at Costco:

ONE

Rotisserie Chicken:

Costco’s rotisserie chicken is hands-down the best meat deal you will find in the store and the cheapest rotisserie chicken you can buy for its size. For $4.99, you get a 3+ lb. chicken that’s cooked for you, and tastes delicious!

They all have to be over three pounds, but the really big ones can be up to five. Chat with the meat guy and they can weigh it for you if you’re curious.

TWO

Flour & Sugar:

If you’re a baker, Costco has some really good deals on flour and sugar. The caveat is that they are in 25-50 lb. bags. If you don’t go through these items fast and don’t have room to store a bag of sugar that weighs more than a small child, you might want to pass.

I used to buy flour and sugar at Costco, when I would bake bread and bake more. But we are trying to eat a grain-free diet and less sugar, so it’s not in the cards right now.

THREE

Lettuce/Greens:

If you’re salad people, Costco has great deals on romaine lettuce, spring mix, iceberg lettuce, and spinach. We love getting the romaine hearts (it’s a six pack), cutting them in half and grilling them with a little bit of olive oil and salt and pepper. Divine!

Check the expiration dates to make sure you can go through it before the salad goes bad. Many times they’re going to expire in a week of purchase, which is rough unless you’re a green-lovin’ family.

FOUR

Cheese:

The cheddar cheese is typically around the $5.00 mark for two pounds. If you don’t want to mess around, they do sell five pound cheese chunks that can sometimes be a better deal.

The feta cheese is by far the best deal around when compared to other grocery stores. Occasionally there’s a manufacturer’s rebate on the feta cheese. That’s when I stock up. They carry the feta cheese in the plastic containers and in sealed two packs. We purchase the two packs because they’re usually a better deal per pound. We then break up the cheese and put it into a large glass mason jar.

FIVE

Frozen Blueberries:

The frozen blueberries are the only frozen fruit that’s a stellar deal. It ends up being $1.99 lb or less. I can’t buy blueberries and freeze them for that price! The blueberries are really large and tasty.

We add them into pancakes and green smoothies.

So there you have it. I hope this list makes Costco shopping less confusing.

Start paying attention to the prices of the products you buy at Costco and compare them to the regular grocery stores. You may be surprised that you aren’t getting as good of a deal as you think.

What are some great grocery deals you buy at Costco? Please comment below…

I have been so tight-fisted my whole life. I worked throughout high school and I saved almost every penny for college. If I was given birthday money as a kid, it went straight to the bank. I would never spend it. In my mind, money was to be saved and not spent. I held onto every penny for a rainy day. I was so busysaving that the thought of being generous with my money never crossed my mind.

I grew up in a family that didn’t live like everyone else. We rarely talked about money. My parents didn’t buy a new car when my dad got a raise. He actually drove a Chevy Nova that was consistently covered in bird poop. He parked underneath a tree at work and his car was the pooping target. I remember being so embarrassed when he would pick me up from high school in his baby blue eighteen-year-old ‘poop mobile.’ Needless to say, my family didn’t spend extravagantly which was a blessing in disguise. My family modeled to me that we didn’t have to keep up with the Joneses (whoever that elusive couple may be).

It wasn’t until I was in college that I actually started practicing generosity and it was scary. I started to tithe at a local campus ministry group I was active in. Then eventually I started supporting a child in Africa. I didn’t have a lot of money to be generous, but I felt like I needed to take that giant leap of faith. God was really working on my heart and the way I was thinking about money.

I remember one day when I was a sophomore in college, I felt God was saying that I needed to give everything I had out of my wallet. At the time, I had no idea how much was in my wallet, but I opened it up and gave every last penny. And boy did it hurt.

I needed to own up to the fact that money isn’t a security blanket. God provides for the sparrows and the flowers, how much more will God provide for me (Matthew 6:25-34)? Reading that passage is one thing, but living it out is another.

Instead of worrying about money, God was giving me opportunities to give and trust in Him. And God has a sense of humor because He gave me my husband, who is one of the most generous people I know. I needed to be with someone who is generous, so I could catch and experience that generosity first-hand.

The Mindset Shift

When my husband and I were dating, I remember hearing someone ask him if they could borrow his car. I was shocked by his response. He said, “it isn’t my car, it’s God’s.” And he let them borrow it.

I was blown away with his perspective that everything he has is not his own, it is God’s. This truth wasn’t something new to me, but I had never seen someone live it out like my husband. If I was asked the same question, my response would have been no. I wasn’t open-handed with what I had and I sure didn’t live out the same belief that everything is God’s. I was the one who needed to change.

Having the mental shift to accept that what I own isn’t mine, it’s God’s, has helped me embrace giving in a new way. It cuts out my selfishness and pride. I have a new lens to look at other’s needs. I’m still in the refinement process of becoming a generous person, and I’m ok with that. I’m a work in progress.

Giving has become a little easier over time, especially when we are able to meet someone else’s need. Those experiences help motivate me to continue practicing generosity. My husband’s generous nature has encouraged our whole family to embrace giving. In our family mission statement, being generous is one of our Rich family traits. We want our kids to be transformed by giving just as much as we are. Kids watch what we do. If we are generous, that will be our children’s normal. I want my kids to start practicing generosity now, not when they go off to college like I did.

It is easy to slip back into being busy and not noticing the needs of others around us, especially when we are feeling financially strapped. When I start to notice that I am worrying about money more, I know it is time for me to be generous. Generosity isn’t a logical response to worrying about money, it is counterintuitive. But time after time, I have experienced how letting go and giving has helped me be less dependent on money, and more dependent on God. There is even scientific proof that “generosity has both altruism boosting and anxiety decreasing effects.” according to recent studies.

The Benefits of Generosity

If you struggle with generosity like me, don’t be overwhelmed. Every little act of giving counts, even if it is buying the person behind you in the drive thru’s order. We all know that giving to others feels good. Giving shouldn’t be focused on increasing our own happiness, but it is a good side effect. Another study discovered that “planning to give away just a little bit of money had the same effects on happiness as giving away a lot.” Start giving, because it will help others and be an amazing example to your kids, all while bringing you more happiness. That my friend is a win, win, win situation!

If you don’t know where to start, I would recommend first tithing to your church. If you don’t belong to a church, there are so many amazing charities out there to choose from. Beyond that, maybe set a certain amount of cash aside each month to bless others- it could be as little or as big as you want.

In the meantime, I hope I can get to the point where I am generous by nature. Nevertheless, I will practice being generous because I serve the most generous God.

I’d love to hear your insights on generosity. Is generosity difficult for you? What has helped you be more generous? Please leave a comment below…

Santa is kinda controversial. We all know that most Christmas traditions include Santa, but every parent has to make that decision for their own family. We all want our kids to have a magical Christmas, but should Santa be in the mix?

I grew up without having Santa because my parents felt like they would be lying to me and my siblings. They wanted us to focus on the true reason for Christmas- Jesus. When I was growing up, I never felt like I was missing out without having Santa.

My husband, on the other hand, grew up with Santa and enjoyed the whimsy of it all. He even sports a red t-shirt with Santa on it that says, “I Believe.” Ah yes, this is a recipe for a disagreement in the making. We had quite a few discussions before we landed on some middle ground, and honestly, I love how we ‘do’ Santa in our house.

So how did we reconcile our polar views (no pun intended)?

My husband, who grew up with Santa, views him as a fun make-believe tradition that helps children exercise creativity. However, I couldn’t shake the feeling that if I go along pretending that Santa is real, I’d be setting my kids up for disappointment. What will happen when our kids eventually find out the truth? Will they start doubting other things we say that are real, like Jesus?

So instead of the classic Santa approach of focusing on being good so you get presents, we are teaching our kids to BE Santa.

In reality, Santa is a modern-day parable of Jesus (if you tweak it right). Jesus is so generous to us and doesn’t expect or need anything in return. He meets our wants and desires even if we don’t say them out loud.

We want our kids to practice BEING Santa to others. When our kids give to others, without expecting anything in return, they BECOME Santa. So instead of our kids getting tons of toys from Santa on Christmas morning, they are given the opportunity to give.

Let me put it plain and simple, this is how we DO Santa:

ONE

The Gift

Our kids get a little stocking from Santa with a few pieces of fruit in them, plus a card with a $5 bill. We didn’t do this with our son last year since he was only one, but we did it with our three-year-old daughter. The card tells our kids that they get to BECOME Santa.

The money they were given can’t be spent on themselves. They need to buy something for someone else (preferably someone in need) with that money.

TWO

Be Santa

Last year, we talked to our daughter about who she would like to BE Santa to.

At the time, one of the ladies in my weekly Bible Study had just passed away from breast cancer. My daughter would play every week with her children, while all the moms met up and shared life with each other.

My sweet girl wanted to be Santa to her four children and her husband. Let me tell you, it was a proud mom moment, and it was totally her idea.

THREE

Buy the Gifts

As you can guess, five dollars doesn’t go very far to help a family of five (you could use any amount), so we pretty much had two choices: The Dollar Store or Goodwill on their Monday $1 day. She chose Goodwill.

My daughter took her $5 and went up and down the aisles looking for the right color tags and what our wonderful friends’ kids would love.

She found a Little People princess castle, a big dump truck toy, a pretty dress, and BSU football shirts for the oldest boy and dad, all for a whopping grand total of $5. Our girl was so proud when she handed over her $5 bill (I paid the tax) to the Goodwill clerk.

FOUR

Preparing the Gifts

We came home and washed everything up and my sweet daughter chose to add some of her own Little People to go with the princess castle.

She ended up wrapping the presents as best she could on her own. Martha Stewart would cringe at the masking tape she used, but it’s the thought and effort that counts.

She colored them a card and everything. We made a meal and brought that over with the gifts ‘Santa’ (our daughter) wanted to give them.

FIVE

Giving the Gifts

Let me tell you, tears flowed by pretty much every adult there. My husband and I told the family the whole backstory. My sweet daughter was able to see their kids open the presents she worked so hard on. The kids loved their gifts. It was such a blessing to see the pure generosity from the heart of a child, even a three-year-old.

My kids will remember BEING Santa, and my hope is that this kind of generosity becomes their DNA. In our family mission statement, one of the Rich family traits is generosity, and BEING Santa gives our children the opportunity to practice giving.

For children, the classic way of doing Santa isn’t focused on generosity. Santa detracts from the real reason we celebrate Christmas, but BEING Santa aligns with the character of our Savior, and I’m all for that!!

We still read the occasional book about Santa, but our kids know that Rudolf and the whole gang is pretend. Our kids sat on Santa’s lap for pictures with our kids’ cousins, and we’re totally fine with that. But on our way to see Santa, I overheard my daughter telling her grandma that she IS Santa. Yes, my sweet child, you ARE Santa, and all of us should be.

Does your family do Santa? What are some of your favorite Christmas traditions? Let me know in the comments below…

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One of the best pieces of financial advice we have been given was from my mom. She told us to live like college students as long as you possibly can.

You may be thinking that you made some of the worst financial decisions of your life in college. That’s not what she was talking about. She meant, live on as little as possible and save, save, save as much as you can. And that is what we did and continue to do.

Our income has fluctuated throughout the years, especially when I quit my job to be a stay-at-home mom. When we had a higher income, we did not change our spending habits. Most people already plan out how they are going to spend their raise before they even get it. Our lifestyle has never reflected our income.

By living on less than what we made, we were able to save enough that we had a good cushion if there was an emergency or if we lost a job.

When we were double-income earners, we lived on less than half of our pay. Mind you, we didn’t have high-paying jobs, think teacher’s salary people. This gave us the ability to save and put extra money down on our house and put quite a bit into our retirement.

Beyond that, I was able to be a stay-at-home mom and we didn’t really feel like we were living differently (except we couldn’t put extra into savings, retirement, or on our house).

Having extra savings and not having to live paycheck to paycheck gave me so much more peace. As women, most of us find comfort and reassurance by being financially secure. Sadly, most women (and people in general) are stressed over money because their spending is out of control.

The Benefits of Living Like a College Student:

If we didn’t live like college students, we would have been so stressed financially. Buying a home would have been tough to pull off. I probably would have never had the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom.

There are so many moms who would love to be home with their kids, but they don’t think they can financially pull it off. How tragic. If this is you right now, there is always a way. Those changes may be drastic like downsizing your home and vehicle(s). Maybe you or your spouse will need to add a side gig in to make it work. You will have to change your spending habits and live with less.

My big question for you is this:

What do you want to do in your future?

Are finances holding you back from reaching those goals or dreams?

If so, what changes do you need to make?

Most people are broke, and have piles of debt. Dare to be different. You don’t have to have what everyone else has. Live like a college student. Learn like crazy, enjoy each moment, be social, and live on a shoestring. You survived it then, you can do it today.