Maybe You Should Give Up

Think of an issue or fight or conflict you might be facing right now in your life. Notice how you are participating. You’re resisting or you’re attacking. You’re on the offensive or you’re on the defensive. You’re engaged.

Now consider this: Maybe you should give up.

Imagine a tug of war game: you at one end, someone else on the other. At any time, you can drop the rope. Surrender. Say “good game,” give someone a high five, and walk away. Find another game. There’s lots of games out there. Are you tired of tug of war? Who am I to decide for you? You decide.

Maybe you should give up.

My mother used to drive me crazy with her fearful phone calls and advice and constant monitoring of my weight and body and clothes. I would get upset, argue, yell, cry, complain about it to all of my friends. My reactions did not change the situation. They made it even more frustrating and charged. I suffered while my mom was just doing her thing. I made the situation so much worse for myself than it ever had to be.

Finally, I changed. Now, I practice not reacting. I practice letting her do her thing and not participating in it. I give up. It feels free. It’s even kind of funny. She is not that powerful. I am. Our relationship is different now, and so much better.

You are powerful. You are strong. You can listen to anyone and choose not to care what they say. People speak words and offer opinions nonstop. Constantly. You can practice non attachment. You can practice being Teflon and not letting words stick. You can disengage from any battle. And maybe you should.

Maybe you should give up.

If you were on an old timey hot air balloon and wanted to fly higher, you’d dump sandbags because they are heavy. Because you want to be lighter. Because you don’t deserve to be weighed down in this one beautiful life you’ve been given.

Beautiful, smart, argumentative reader: I’m a leader and a powerful person. So are you. Fight for what you believe in. Argue with whoever you want. Participate in any kind of struggle you choose. Be completely in the game. Any game you want.

You can also be honest about the battles that aren’t fun anymore. The arguments that don’t change. The patterns that drain you. The opponents that don’t fight fair.

You don’t have to fight. A fight takes two people. You can stop participating.