As I fed George cereal for the first time this month, I was hit by something that hadn’t occurred to me until now. This was a last first time.

See, we are sure that the baby train has come to a stop. George will be our last little one. I’ve had so many lasts already that I didn’t realize until I started thinking about it.

The last time I felt a baby kick from the inside.

The last time my baby had a first smile.

The last time I got to hold my child(ren) for the first time.

I wonder if I will even realize the last firsts at the time or if it will dawn on me after the moment has passed. Does a mother realize it the the last time she picks up her child? Does she realize it the the last time her little one asks for a cuddle? Will I know it when it happens?

Sure. There are many more firsts yet to come with both George and McKenna. But I’m saddened that not only will I not get this time back, but I won’t get to do this with another child in the future. In a different life, I would have had a at least a basketball team of children if not a baseball team. I adore children and have always envisioned myself as a mother. There was no doubt in my mind that it was my calling.

But now as my firsts are becoming lasts, my heart aches for time to slow so that I can savor every moment with the two I have.

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7 Comments

This is such a poignant post. You really don’t notice the last times. I was so eager to get the baby and little kid stages behind me that it wasn’t until they were far gone that I realized the parts of those moments that I did miss when they were gone. Thank you for reminding me, in a bittersweet way.

Nooooooooooo! This post hurts. It’s written in such a lovely way, I couldn’t get sad about it. It’s optimistic in tone even if the theme is not. Well done with that. Perfection, really… We never do know the lasts or we’d never give into them. It’s too hard to let them grow up if we really thought about how they are actually growing away from us more and more every day. Something deep in my stomach clenched reading your post and implores to me beg you squeeze that little man tight tonight. He really is the sweetest, happiest, cutest little baby ever. He’s our collective Ojo baby so we’ll all keep him as young as we can for as long as we can.