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TRIBEWORK is about consuming the process of life, the journey, together.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Challenging False Expectations

One of the hardest things to deal
with in life is false expectations; where we, or other people, expect usually
too much from us, but sometimes too little. Our false expectations and theirs
are present because of unreconciled inner wishes. And if we let false
expectations meander they harm relationships as well as our self-concept.

Challenging false expectations is
about coming back to the truth, determining what’s reasonably achievable, and
being fair in each event. It’s a great relief to find out along the journey
that God requires less of us, many times, than we or others often expect of
ourselves.

Challenging Others’ False Expectations

The reason others have false
expectations of us is more personal to them than we think. We might ask,
‘What’s missing in them for them to
be so demanding?’ And, ‘How might it feel to be that demanding on another
person?’

For anyone to have an expectation of
another person which is not bounded by collective agreement is ridiculous.
We’re talking in the adult realm here. By being involved in relationships
there’s a steady flux of agreement that keeps us in relationship. False
expectations ruin such a flux.

When we find ourselves preoccupied
in thought of disappointing another person, and we see we haven’t met their
expectations, we should ask ourselves if we’ve agreed to these expectations. If we agreed and the expectations are
too high or too low we need to renegotiate.

Most often with false expectations
we don’t agree with others regarding their expectations of us, but other people
still insist on having their piece of us; to control us in some way. This is a
transgression and we could consider a boundary to disallow this person such
access of expectation.

It’s good to simply know that
other people’s false expectations of us are invalid. Sometimes we need to
reinforce this through our thinking, over and over again, just to remind
ourselves that the other person’s reality is not reality.

The subject of other people’s
false expectations of us feeds into those false expectations we may have with
ourselves.

Challenging Our False Expectations

False expectations on the personal
level will create frustration approaching madness if we keep them up. Though
there’s nothing wrong with stretch targets, it pays to be realistic in life.

God requires nothing of us we’re
incapable of sustaining. This is an important point of relief. Once all
pretence is debunked and we’re able to be natural with ourselves, we find we’re
at the peak of our capability. We see that false expectations are crippling.
God knows this and wants us freed of the pressure to maintain impossible
standards. That’s what Divine grace is for.

It’s such a relief to finally
allow ourselves the freedom from false expectations, and to know that God has proclaimed
an end to such legalism.

***

False expectations can tear
relationships and ourselves apart. They tear the fabric of reality and make
life unfair. Challenging false expectations is a God-anointed freedom. We’re never
more capable than when we’re free of false expectations.