Sorting out the Kaepernick situation

Updated 11:00 pm, Saturday, April 12, 2014

Colin Kaepernick won a 2013 ESPY, but is finding celebrity has its pitfalls.

Colin Kaepernick won a 2013 ESPY, but is finding celebrity has its pitfalls.

Photo: Frederick M. Brown, Getty Images For ESPY

Sorting out the Kaepernick situation

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Pushing around the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle of that night down in Miami Beach:

-- From what we know, it all started with three rich, famous young bachelors, in a luxury hipster apartment building in the heart of the night-life capital of the free world, saying, "Let's just stay in tonight and watch the basketball game."

-- Yes, Colin Kaepernick, there was a rush to judgment. However, with the possible exception of TMZ's headline, news sources reporting exactly what is in a police report do not "make things up about me that never happened." They report the contents of a police report. News is news, baby.

-- Colin, as your adviser: That over-scrutiny and nosiness by the media and the public, you might want to take that into consideration before you sign a new contract. Is that grief worth a mere $18 million a year?

-- The sad part: The lunatic-fringe Kap bashers, who knew he was a thug, now wear smug told-you-so looks.

-- If the bong part is true, how retro! I thought all the cool kids were now vaporizing. Did the lads also have a lava lamp and black-light rock posters?

-- Playboy magazine, in its annual ratings of the top party schools, has the San Francisco 49ers at No. 1.

-- Local PR "expert" Sam Singerwas quoted in this paper saying Kaepernick erred by taking to Twitter. Reaction here: eye roll. Kaepernick was off-base with his poorly worded pack-of-lies defense, but his shout-out to supporters was nice and on target (assuming facts back it up). Singer's advice to hide behind the old "ongoing police investigation" bush was weak as a South Beach tourist cocktail.

-- This was a nice jump-start for the writers of "The Hangover IV." Aaagh! Kap, how did this dolphin get into the bathtub?

-- Maybe: The Raiders draft Johnny Manziel, he and Kaepernick become pals, and Manziel serves as a steadying influence.

Knucklehead of the week: Bowie Kuhn

Not to hit a man when he's dead, but: The 40th anniversary of Hank Aaron's homer No. 715 reheated the memory of then-Commissioner Kuhn missing the big blast because he was in Cleveland, attending a meeting of the team's boosters, the Wahoo Club, named after the hilariously racist team mascot, while Aaron was keeping a wary eye out for hate-crazed assassins.

Deep thoughts, cheap shots & bon mots ...

-- Giving Angel Pagana day off after he hits safely in the first 10 games? I know, Bruce Bochyhas more World Series rings than I have. And maybe if Joe McCarthyhad given JoeDiMaggio a day off after 56, Joe woulda hit in 90 straight.

-- More advice for Bochy: Next time Paul Goldschmidt steps in against Tim Lincecum, do a quick switch: Lincecum to left field, left fielder to third, Pablo Sandovalto catcher, Buster Posey (a closer at Florida State) to the hill.

-- Worst advice ever: Roger Craigsaying Lincecum should drill Goldschmidt. Sure, resort to one of the most cowardly acts in sports, down there with basketball's low-bridge and football's crackback block.

-- Evaluating Joe Lacob's bro hug with Mark Jacksonafter Friday night's playoff clincher: not quite a Harbaugh shove, but not as warm as the situation warranted.

-- Why the A's closer-by-committee will work: A's pitchers have been well-grounded in the team philosophy of no prima donnas. What you don't hear on this team: "I'm confuuuused! What's my role?"

-- Mike Krukow, as Bumgarner trots to the dugout: "And how do you celebrate? You blow a snot-rocket!"

-- Seriously, if the Raiders watched Johnny Manziel talk shop and life with Jon Grudenin Gruden's QB cave on ESPN, they have to be thinking, "Hmmmm."

-- Plus, Manziel aced the Wonderlic. By the way, I'm the last person to point out typos, but it was cute that the Contra Costa Times called the NFL's intelligence test "Wonderic."

-- Why teams don't protest when they spot pine tar on the opposing pitcher: All pitchers use it, for grip. It's as common as chalk in a pool hall.

-- One reason to rejoice that the Lakers bombed so dramatically: Good riddance to the Staples Center organist, who accompanies every second of game action with the soundtrack to a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

-- Sad to hear of the passing of Lou Hudson, the great-great marksman. My memory of Sweet Lou, back in the days when NBA royalty dressed the part: It was 1979, Hudson was winding down his career as a sub for the Lakers, and on a road trip through the East I marveled at Lou strolling elegantly through well-heated airport terminals and hotel lobbies wearing a luxuriant, floor-length fur coat.

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