Blog Brother Season 3 – Episode 8: Beast Mode Cowboy

Oh boy. It’s been a while. Sorry about that. Onward and upward I say! I don’t say that. I don’t even know what that means, especially in regards to Blog Brother. Annnyyywwaaayyysss…

The Enemy of My Enemy is My Friend:

When we last left our houseguests, Devin had used the Veto on Brittany and put Zach up in her place. And then Brittany went “Can I say something really fast?” “I’ll be next too,” says Zach. “I know this puts my butt on the line. I want to make it clear why I said what I said against somebody I thought was my friend. I knew by how she was acting with me she was going to throw the competition.” “I have something to say”, Paola chirps in. Everybody wants a piece. Brittany continues, “As we were doing the competition, she didn’t have her glasses, she never goes without her glasses, so I know what it’s like to wake up with a knife in your back. You lied to my face and I never go back when somebody does that to me, so if you stay…” “Then I’m your target. I get it.” “Yes.” Paola’s turn. “Here’s what my defense is – we all know how he is. Thank you, I’m sorry, but you are not a good person. I would rather throw my head on the toilet bowl and drown than stay with you another week. Brittany, you’re right. He asked me to throw the competition. Did I throw it? No, I did not throw the competition.” Obviously Paola is referring to Devin, so it’s time for Devin to chime it (I’m amazed he’s let them go this long). “Yes you did, because I said I was going to put the Veto on your neck.” “No, I did not!” Guys, do you REALLY think that Paola could win a competition? She didn’t throw it, she was competing. Donny is loving this. He’s just tickled to death. I have to admit, I’m loving it too. Back to Devin. “Time out. Going into this, I went to you and I said that if you throw the competition, because Brittany was my original target, I had a couple conversations with her and I realized she’s here for her kids and I don’t want to do that to her-” “YOU DID NOT EVEN SAY THAT DUDE!” “Time out, time out, no, this was after-” “YOU ARE SUCH A FREAKING LIAR! Everybody, listen to this-” “So, am I going to get to finish or are you just going to keep talking?” “Yo, your daughter is going to look at this and she is going to LAUGH AT YOU because she hears every single conversation and you have fooled everybody in the damn house so you are getting called out right now.” “No, so then, on top of that, I let Hayden and Nicole both know, I said hey, guys, don’t worry, Paola’s going to throw the comp.” Nicole thinks that this was the best show ever until she heard her name get brought up. She doesn’t want to be associated with these idiots and I can’t blame her. Back to Devin. “You’re right. I had a change of heart. That’s why I stayed up in the room the last couple of days and didn’t want to talk to anybody.” Paola – “You got what you wanted and that’s fine.” Zach – “Alright, my turn.” Zach’s feels he has the green light to come back with the uppercut and he’s going to play dirty by going below the belt. Nice string of fighting metaphors. “I might have to blow up some other people’s game. Frankie, don’t feel threatened. Pow, you suck at everything, straight up. It’s no big deal.” “It’s true,” Paola agrees. “Devin, there’s not an ounce of truth in your body, so there’s no chance in hell I’m going home, I’m letting you know that now. Every single person on this couch, I know you’re going to vote for me, I’m not worried.” For those curious, that couch includes Donny, Christine, Derrick, Nicole, and Brittany, only two Bomb Squad members. The other couch contains Amber, Jocasta, Frankie, Caleb, and Cody (Is he still on this show?) “People on this couch, I’m not really sure at this point. Frankie, I don’t really know, but I really hope you’ll vote for me. Caleb, not so sure either. But, all you guys know in this room, I’m not going home. Devin, your personality changes with the blow of the wind. I’m going after you, everyone in this house should be going after you too.” “Yup, it’s cool with me,” Paola chimes in. “No one is ever going to vote for you in the jury. All he does is smile with his fake smile, and uh, now I’m just ranting on about how much I hate Devin. But, um, you’re a huge liar dude. You called the house meeting, cried of your daughter, ‘I would never compromise my honesty or integrity for any amount of money’ and you do just that every day since” “Perfect dude,” Devin replies. “So, what’s your response to that?” Silence. “Uh… best of luck to you bud.” “Alright, touché.” They pound fists. So Zach’s plan is as follows: if the house knows that his only goal is to evict Devin, there’s no way they’ll get rid of him, because Zach is an ally in the fight against Devin. It’s a solid plan, assuming that everyone isn’t too afraid to go after Devin. Devin has gone up to his room to spy on the houseguests. Cody’s pissed off at Devin because he’s shown he’s completely disloyal to the Bomb Squad. Amber’s shocked at Zach’s actions and thinks that if he keeps this up, the Bomb Squad is going to have to send him packing. Wrong side Amber. Frankie tells Zach “I don’t know why you put me on blast like that man.” Huh? “I’ll talk to you later dude.” What did Zach do? He mentioned Frankie in his speech, but he didn’t out their alliance or showmance or whatever it is. In fact, he did the opposite, acting as if he wasn’t sure if Frankie had his back or not. Is this something that requires more context to understand? Caleb is another Bomb Squad member that is reacting irrationally. He claims that Zach gets put up and proceeds to throw the entire Bomb Squad under the bus, and “Anybody that tries to throw Beast Mode Cowboy up under the bus? I’m gunning for you.” What? If he wanted to throw the Bomb Squad under the bus, he could have blown up the entire thing. In fact, I’m beginning to think that he should have, since Caleb, Amber, and Frankie really seem to be getting the wrong message from all of this. Zach is trying to expose Devin for the untrustworthy threat that he is – how come nobody else sees that? Amber, you’re afraid of Devin. Caleb, your “girl” is afraid of Devin. WHY ARE YOU NOT TEAMING UP TO REMOVE HIM?! Devin is the one tanking the Bomb Squad, not Zach! Devin’s the one who nominated a Bomb Squad member without telling anybody! Man this game annoys me sometimes.

Sorry, that’s a really huge brick of text. Let’s take it easy for the rest of this blog, shall we?

Damage Control:

Frankie thinks that Zach has implied that he’s untrustworthy and I honestly don’t know what this is about. Frankie is like… devastated. I AM SO CONFUSED! Frankie thinks that Zach put a target on his back and I just do not get it? How did he ruin Frankie’s game? There are SO MANY OTHER TARGETS! No one is even thinking about Frankie? Baffling.

Zach and Pow are arguing about votes right now. They are not fans of one another. “How do you feel about me?” “Like… UUHHHHHH.” That’s… not anything? Pow Pow can’t fight her own battles, so she constantly brings other people in, which nobody likes. Zach says she threw it. Pow says she didn’t. Derrick doesn’t like how confrontational Zach is being.

Devin wants six votes to evict Zach. There are still six Bomb Squad members, not including Devin and the now defunct Zach. Devin wants the Bomb Squad to still have eight members though. He says he did the math and he starts counting off all of the members. He counts Amber, Christine, Derrick, Frankie, and himself. Five. Then he says they need to bring in Hayden. Hold up, what? You want eight members… so you count five… and then just don’t mention Cody or Caleb, who is in the room with you? But you count yourself? What? So, Devin brings Frankie and Hayden up to his room and immediately reveals the existence of the Bomb Squad. Zach’s gone, so they want him in. Hayden’s kind of taken aback. He also notices how he’s not being given a choice. “We have the numbers – join or die”. It’s true. Nobody has ever been given a choice as to whether or not they WANT to be in this alliance. They are told of it’s existence, at which point their choices has been made for them. Hayden says yes, because it “all makes sense”, but Hayden’s REAL goal is to blow up the Bomb Squad. So he just jumped to the top off my “favorites” list. I really hope he has a sit down with Zach. Those two could be a powerful duo.

Derrick wants to keep Zach in the house because it takes the target off of him and allows him to complete tasks for Team America. TEAM AMERICA! They’re having a meeting. Frankie thinks that Devin and Caleb are stronger allies than Zach, but Donny argues that if they keep Zach in the house, it takes the target off of them. Frankie isn’t so sure, but Derrick reassures him that this is the case. “But Pow hates Devin too!” Yeah, but Pow can’t do a damn thing about it! Frankie REALLY wants Zach gone, but Derrick has a plan. He’s going to try to convince Devin and Caleb that Zach isn’t a threat in order to send Pow packing. Derrick meets with Caleb and tells him it’s better to play it safe. Pow is not a member of the alliance and someone else can easily use her against them because she will flop. Derrick says that Zach isn’t after Caleb, he’s after Devin. He won’t put Caleb up, and as long as he’s in the house, he’s a target. Caleb says that in all honesty, their best case scenario to last another week is to vote for Zach to stay. So things are going according to plan. Frankie decides he wants to be the one to tell Devin so if he explodes, Frankie can use it to his advantage. Oh boy. Here we go. “Uh… Zach is staying.” “How so?” Frankie explains what happened (poorly I might add) and Devin seems more bemused than pissed off. Frankie’s playing it really exasperated, like he can’t believe any of this is happening either. “So now we are the Bomb Squad + one. It’s a nine-person alliance.” Devin says that he’s not in the Squad no more – it’s a solo game for him now. The entire house is going to have to stop the love of a father for his daughter. That sounds like a line out of a movie! Sounds like Devin is regretting being so competitive so early in the game. “I’m going to pick everyone else off in this house one by one by one.” “Well leave me for last, okay?” “Turn that light off for me.” Ouch. Well, this should be interesting.

Live Eviction:

Alright, I just want to get to this. I’m skipping all of the chit chat.

Remember how last week I recapped the nominated houseguests speeches word for word? Yeah, well, we’re not even halfway through this episode and I’ve hit 2000 words, so you’re getting the paraphrased versions. Except for this quote by Paola: “I’m sorry Devin, you have five different personalities and they all suck.” Paola thinks that she and Zach are on the same level when it comes to competing, so you should keep her. Good argument Paola – WE BOTH SUCK EQUALLY! Julie interrupts, emphasizing the fact that these statements are meant to be “brief”. Zach doesn’t take this to heart, taking his time to thank his parents before telling everyone that it’s better for their game to keep him. He says “SO WHEN YOU GO INTO THAT DIARY ROOM, vote to evict Paola” and everyone laughs as if it’s some kind of inside joke that I don’t get.

Devin – HoH

Paola – Nominated

Zach – Nominated

Jocasta – Zach

Brittany – Paola

Derrick – Paola

Donny – Zach

Caleb – Paola

Amber – Paola

Hayden – Paola

Cody – Paola

Frankie – Paola

Nicole – Paola

Christine – Paola

Victoria – Paola

Paola: 10/12

Zach: 2/12

Second time’s a charm for Pow Pow, who has been evicted from the Big Brother house. Paola’s interview isn’t interesting, but her goodbye messages are. Zach thinks she’s a huge liar and he’s glad she’s gone. Jocasta loves her and thinks she should stay close to God. Devin’s so sorry and he’s sorry he didn’t keep his word. Donny loves Pow Pow’s energy and spirit and he’ll never forget his best friend. Okay, I lied, those weren’t actually interesting. “How could you not love Donny, right?” Right you are Julie. Right you are.

Head of Household Competition: “Underwater Polo”

Well, this should be interesting. Devin can’t compete so… he should probably be worried. This game is called “Underwater Polo” although it looks more like croquette. There’s no horses or water. One by one the houseguests step up to the plate and knock a single polo ball down a long, slanted board filled with obstacles in the shape of octopus tentacles (hence the “underwater”). There are 29 numbered slots that seem to be randomly spread across the bottom of the board, and whichever two houseguests score the highest win HoH.

Amber – 17

Cody – 17 (REALLY?!)

Caleb – 21

“Coder and Amber… Cody and Amber, thank you for stepping down to slot… second place.” Go home Julie, you’re drunk.

Nicole and Derrick are your HoH’s for this week. I’m okay with that. But man, what a boring competition. I guess it’s fitting that an episode with such an explosive start should finish with such a wimper. Sorry guys. It wasn’t fun to write about and I can’t imagine that it’s very fun to read.

Oh, here’s something – want to monitor the physical activity of each houseguest? No? Yeah, me neither. Except Julie claims that it is bound to affect the game, so… I don’t know what that means. I HOPE BRITTANY IS DOING ENOUGH CARDIO!

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So this blog was quite late, but… what are you gunna do, right? I’m sick of apologizing. I’M NOT BEING PAID FOR THIS! I’M NOT EVEN CONVINCED THAT ANYONE IS EVEN READING! SO GIVE ME A BREAK NON-EXISTANT PEOPLE!