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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

It's National Dump Your Significant Jerk Week, or as I like to call it, Dump Week. That's right, folks, it's time to get out now before you have to spend another Valentines' Day shelling out the dough for over-priced chocolates and stuffed animals!

And really, what better way is there to end a romantic entanglement than with CAKE?

Now your ex can drown his sorrows in beer and buttercream. Unless he's out of beer. Or hates cake. In which case, this cake is PERFECT.

For some reason I get this one a lot. You know, from you readers. It's usually followed by a "I promise I'm not a stalker," and a request for my home address. (No joke.)

If you prefer a more subtle route, there's also this option:

"Allow me to point out that the arrow pointing to the representation of the amount of my love is actually larger than the representation of the amount of my actual love.

"If you're not getting this, I've also prepared a pie chart. On a pie."

Then there are all the old standbys:

The Outraged:

The Relieved:

The Psychopath:

But for my money, I'll always prefer good old fashioned crazy:

If I find a jam filling, I am OUTTA HERE.

Thanks to Sarah H., Kjaere, Lesley M., Birdy, Olivia C., and Erin W., who will always hold a special place in my heart, and we'll always be friends, but I'm at a really complicated place right now and just need some time to think about who I am, you know?

TLC, you've got it backwards. The sound of his muscles rippling actually make it difficult to have normal conversations. You'll want a muscle-rippling-muffler attachment for your video camera so that you'll be able to hear the conversation. I mean, it's not like you can hear John's muscles from space. But close.

Okay, now I'm exaggerating. You can only hear them for a 3 meter radius.

If this ever comes to a vote, I'm casting all my shares against commodifying our ability to express appreciation with "likes" or "e-props" or "thunbs-up." If we like something, let's use our words and say so.