You lay on the bathroom floor for up to a half hour after vomiting, not just because you are too spent to move, but because the tile feels so nice and cool on your cheek. And it will save you travel time for the next round.

if......you compliment a nurse for how well he sticks needles in your arm...you think about writing thank-you letters to the inventors of the medications you take...you want to scream that the reason you can't just "take a puke bucket and go for a walk around the block" or "get on with life" is because of constant nausea, motion-sickness, muscle atrophy, and feeling faint everytime you stand longer than a couple minutes...you are flabbergasted when people hear that you didn't puke for a day or that you are celebrating being able to get a load of laundry done, and they say "oh I see you're better!"

When you put back the package of fancy colored straws and pick up the red striped ones, because you're not sure if you can drink out of straws that look different and you're not brave enough to find out...

...if you turn off the heat and open all the windows in the house to air out the smells... and it's -20C. Cold? You put on a coat. I'll be under the duvet as my coat's smell makes me ill. With ear plugs. The noise of the fume hood over the stove also makes me ill...

Loved the one about puking and sex....that cracked me up. Totally something me and DH would do. Last night, we DTD and he said, "I want to kiss you but I'm afraid you will puke in my mouth and that wouldn't be very sexy."

...when you spend two hours on the toilet trying to poop with a bucket between your knees...when you start to believe you are some kind of voodoo doll from the number of needles stuck in you...when you consider punching people who suggest crackers, seabands, ginger, preggo pops, or accupuncture. Seriously, I almost jumped through the phone and killed my sister and sister in laws who SWORE these would work for me. My SIL posted links to preggo pops to every single facebook post I made for a month....when you know your house has gotten so bad, and smells like puke so much you won't let the nice ladies from church come clean it....when the smell of certain people makes you vomit...when you feel so awful, driving seems like the worst idea in the world, but you cannot possibly consider not driving, because you will die from the nausea of being passenger...when you carry barf bags in your purse, pockets, car, spouse's pockets...when you have a "good day" and get something done and everyone assumes you are "over the hump", then rolls their eyes when the next day you are dead again...when you are so gaunt looking that people question if you are on heroin or crystal meth...when you wake up from nightmares about puking to go puke...when you want to kick someone in the crotch for saying "you're pregnant, not dying. women do this all the time."

These are awesome - and made me truly laugh for the first time in 4 months! Thanks ladies!!

WARNING: FOODMENT!

You know you have HG if...

You have dreams about putting $50 into a vending machine and having it give you back container after container of hot, fresh, salty french fries -- so many fries in fact that your dream self gleefully skips to kitchen for the biggest bowl you own. Only to wake before you can eat any of these dream concoctions -- and feeling nauseated from what was a wonderful dream moments before.