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27 Replies to “How to drive in winter”

13. As roads get slicker, drive faster so if you even get close to your destination, you can sliiiiiiide the rest of the way.
14. Pay no attention to the increasing number of cars pulled over to the side of the road, they are no indication of road conditions, just of the talent of the drivers. YOU can still make it, you are just that damn good!
15. When going up a hill on ice, if you are still moving forward at all, keep gunning it. You will run out of hill before you run out of gas.

Things to do once you’ve run off the road and are trapped in a snowbank:

1. See if your tongue will stick to the window
2. Pass gas, knowing the other passengers are trapped inside with you
3. Finally empty the ashtray and set your radio’s preset buttons
4. Attempt to signal for help in morse code with your headlights
5. Wait and see who has the urge to pee first
6. Scare the other passengers by speaking supportively of “The Donner Party”
7. Moon the passing traffic
8. Play with all the switches and knobs on the dash pretending it will help the situation
9. Attempt to play “Stairway to Heaven” on the horn
10. Claim you hurt yourself in the collision so that someone else has to walk for help

Turn off lights
Drop right foot to accelerator
Spin steering wheel to left
Driving backwards? Check
Turn lights back on
Scare the wholly living crap out of on coming traffic
Keep spinning rear wheel drive chevy into ditch
Lick nipple savers until help arrives

#1 Bring plenty of snacks and drinks (beer nuts and bottle opener) cool cd’s and hershey’s nipples aren’t bad either. forget the snow-chains their a pain to put on,and noisy.It’s one of the best down-times you could hope for in Mich.