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Thursday, 28 January 2016

If Dr. Frankenstein were creating a dog, this is what he
might end up with.Standing 30 inches
at the shoulder, Frankenpoodle is a giraffe in a dog suit.

I got my start writing comedy.Frankenpoodle got his start as the klutzy
giant of the litter. No breeding for him. Instead, he became a canine muse.Together, we have slogged through eleven
novels; me at the keyboard, him on the worn brown chaise beside me.Both
of us snarfing snacks and looking forward to walk time.

Damn straight, this dog inspires me.Toker, the big black poodle-cross with the
Mohawk hairdo in The Goddaughter’s Revenge, steals the show.He came back for a cameo in The Artful Goddaughter.

But that’s only the beginning.A vigilante group leader who also manages the
local Humane Society?Look for Del and
her dogs in THE B TEAM, a madcap
comedy currently in the works.

Monday, 11 January 2016

When my first novel was published, my mentor told me: “Don’t
look at your reviews on Amazon and Goodreads.Particularly Goodreads. No,
really.Don’t.If your book continues to sell, then you know
it’s good.If your publisher buys your
next book, then you know it is good.Don’ttorture yourself by reading the criticism of non-writers.”

I found it next to impossible to follow his advice. The lure of reviews on your work is pretty
strong.

It took ten books – all published by traditional publishers –
before I really felt I had a handle on ‘the dreaded review star rating.’Here’s my list. (My opinion only, everyone. You may have a different interpretation.)

Anatomy of Star ratings

Five stars:Just one
word: Joy!
Bless them, every one. A million thanks to reviewers who take the time to tell you they loved your book.

Four stars:Okay,
they really liked it. Maybe even loved it. But even if they loved it, some people reserve five stars for their very favourite
authors, and the masters, like Jane Austen.And literary writers.A genre novel is...well…a genre novel.Not quite as worthy (in some eyes).But they really enjoyed it.

Three stars:These
are the ones that make me sad.A reader
is telling me that the book was okay.I
want them to think it was great!Sometimes, this can be a reader who loved your books in another genre,
and decided to try this book that is in a different genre, one they don’t
normally read.Often, they will give you
that clue in the review (“I don’t normally read scifi”).

For instance, I have enjoyed Janet Evanovich’s Stephanie
Plum series very much.Recently, I tried
one of her romantic comedies (classified under the Romance genre.)I am not a romance reader, and not
surprisingly, I found this book lacking in the type of fast-paced plot I
enjoy.I would probably give it a 3
rating, where no doubt a seasoned romance reader would give it a 4 or 5.

Two stars:These are
often people who wandered into your book by mistake.They thought it sounded interesting, so they
bought it thinking it was one thing, and it wasn’t.They’re mad at having spent money on
something that isn’t their thing.It’s
not a happy event when you get these, but understand that these people aren’t your market.

One star:These are
simply people who enjoy hurting others.Ignore them.I do.

Here’s my advice, if you find that reviews haunt you, and
keep you from writing:

1. Stop reading them. Really.

2. Never comment on a review. Never.

3. If you can, employ a personal assistant to read
your reviews as they come in, and forward you the good ones only.(This is my dream.One day.)

One more thing: When you give away a book for free, there is a downside: you often get people picking it up who wouldn't normally spend money on that type of book. Not surprisingly, they might not like it, as they are not your market. Always expect some poor reviews,
if you give a book away. There are still
many good reasons to do so. Just be
prepared.

Wednesday, 6 January 2016

Welcome, IWSGers! I'm insecure about books signings. I have reason to be.

We all know the highs.Those delirious times when you win awards and/or
get a royalty cheque that takes you and your family to Europe rather than McDonalds.

I’ve had a few highs, winning the Derringer and the
Arthur.And I’m exceedingly grateful for
them.

Because - thing is - authors get a lot of lows.For some reason, most of my lows seem to
cluster around that scariest of all activities:the book signing.

Some people think the worst thing that can happen is
nobody shows up.Or when you’re on a
panel of 4 authors, and only three people show up.

But that’s not the worst.

1.Worse is when five people show up for your
reading.And they’re all pushing
walkers.

And half way through, when you’re right in the
middle of reading a compelling scene, one of them pipes up, “When does the
movie start?”

Sometimes, even large crowds don’t help.

2.I did an event this year with two hundred
people in the audience.I was doing some
of my standup schtick, and it went over really well.Lots of applause, and I was really
pumped.I mean, two hundred people were
applauding me and my books!A bunch of
hands shot up for questions.I picked
the first one and a sweet young thing popped up from her seat and asked in a
voice filled with awe, “Do you actually
know Linwood Barclay?”

3.Another
ego-crusher: I was reading in front of
another large crowd last year.Same
great attention, lots of applause.I was
revved. Only one hand up this time, and
she said, in a clearly disappointed voice:

“You don’t look anything like your
protagonist.”

So I said, “Sweetheart, not only
that, I don’t look anything like my author photo.”

4.Have you had any lows associated with being an author in public? Let us know in the comments below.