I was definitely in denial for a long time. Fat was people who were fatter than me, and obese was people a lot fatter. I knew I was fairly heavy, and could do with losing a little, but I lost all sight of where I fit into the general scheme of things. I think the highest I'd have put myself is just around the border between overweight and obese, and even then only if you'd really pushed me. I just didn't use the word obese to describe myself.

Except my BMI was 38.1, so obese is one thing I definitely was.

And now it's 24.8 in some ways I feel fatter than I ever did. I know I'm not (I just need to put on my old jeans or suit to remind me of that, particularly when I do the both legs down one trick), but I'm more aware of it now, and more in touch with my body. Before I could go for days without looking at or considering my body in any detail (I once had a rash all over my face for a day before someone made me look in the mirror to see it. No-one mentioned it because they assumed I knew!) My body was something I lived in, maybe too familiar to me to notice all the little details. Now I examine it daily or weekly looking for new bones and I'm accutely aware of where the fat still likes to hang out. I'm not saying this to glorify my new hang ups, but to highlight all the stuff I didn't do when I was fat.

I encouraged my denial for a long time. I refused to go to the doctors because I knew they'd try to weigh me and I just didn't want to know. If I didn't know the numbers then I wouldn't be fat, if I was confronted with them I wouldn't be able to deny it any more. I persisted in the view that I had a healthy diet and exercised enough, and that I was fairly healthy, fit and not obese. If I could avoid anyone who would tell me differently then I could believe it was true.

I know that denial is in my nature, and that's the main reason I force myself to weigh almost every day. Once I stop doing it I could see me not getting round to starting again for a long time, particularly if I think the number is going to be nasty.

__________________Helen

SW - 260, Original GW - 160 - achieved 21 March 2006, CW erm... I'll get back to you on that

can I just say big hug to you All? i have a daughter which I love with all my heart, she lost one time over 120 pounds , she looked so great and she was so happy with her weight loss, but still not that happy with her life, well she has gained back her weight, and reading the other post I can see her in some of your posting ,and the feeling that you had, maybe she will get back the need that she had to do it again, but right now , I think she has just given up, she is not happy with the way she looks, she said to me the other day when we where at her kids school that she did not what to be there because she felt so big, she always looks great and dressed up. and everyone likes her so much .thanks for letting me as they say sound off , I just wish that I could help her.

Unlike some of you, I've never been obese in my life, but have always been overweight, and I think I always saw myself as overweight. I still see myself as such, and only hope it is a mindset I can improve upon faster than I can lose the weight. I think it's important to love yourself first, or you won't love yourself when you are skinny either.

On a side note, I was watching Superbowl commercials with my fiance on Google video and he was about to skip through the Dove ad. It is nothing major, but if you have not seen it you might check it out (Google uses flash player to play their videos): http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...00614466797113

Anyways, he was about to skip through it and was asking what the point was of the commercial and I nearly broke out in tears within seconds of beginning to explain that I thought it was wonderful that there is at least ONE commercial trying to give little girls confidence in themselves and show that really everyone is beautiful no matter what they think they want to be.

__________________MilesChristmas Mini-Goal:"What would you try if you knew you couldn't fail?"

It really made me well up! I've recently writted an essay about female body image in the media and it's a subject close to my heart having never identified with stick models. I was flicking through a magazine yesterday and just noticing the photoshop airbrushing that was going on. It's surprising, only the face cream adverts don't airbrush! There were some L'oreal adverts with Julianne Moore in and she was there wrinkles and all! GREAT! Louis Vuitton however was a BLATANT photoshop file!

Back to the topic! I never felt fat - I was always curvy, I always had a "lovely figure". I made the most of what I loved (or thought men would love) - my big chest and played down the rest. I never saw myself as truly obese until the high school leaving ball pictures came back. Lets just say I will treasure that photo as my before picture! Standing on the end of all the skinny barbie doll girls with the wind blowing my dress back behind me exposing all my lumps and bumps!! I can't think that anyone else who has that group picture proudly displays it on their wall because I quite clearly ruin it!

And some days, even though I can squeeze into size 12 (US 8) trousers I feel fat. I notice where my fat clings. I know if I've been eating badly that I'll bloat up and I see what work is still to be done. Some days I can cry that I can't drop a pound even though I can run a 34 minute 5K and do the splits. It's surely

Since I was not fat longer than I was fat, I have a mental image of how big I am, left over from my skinny days. It is just when I look at photos that I see my mental body image does not match the actual body. I think that is why once I lost a certain amount of weight, I was so unmotivated to lose anymore. Sometimes I think I am not any bigger than i used to be, and I will grab clothes that are the wrong size.

My goal is to just get out of a size 12 at this point. My BMI is just under the overweight range, but I still have too much fat around the middle...*sigh*

I'll add my name to the list of people that were in denial. Granted, I was 350 pounds, but honestly, the days that people didn't make fun of me, I didn't seem myself as "that fat". Until I saw pictures of myself, and just thought it was disgusting.

Now, I'm seeing myself as thinner, but it's not denial...it's cuz I'm working my butt off to get rid of this fat!

Yup, I understand what you mean. I KNEW I weighed too much but still didn't think of myself as "fat." I'd look in the mirror and think, "Man, I look pretty good" but deep down, I knew there was something wrong. I never get hit on when I go out, my dress sizes kept going up and up, I felt deprived when I couldn't eat junk food, etc.

Now, I have come to the realization that I AM fat but also that I can and AM doing something about it. And it feels great!

I never feel fat when I look in the mirror at my home. Or I look at the scale and it says 220.5 and I'm like YES! NOT 222! But I remember 4 months ago when I swore to myself that I wouldn't get higher than 210. As soon as I go out into public though and I see myself, I get really self concious. Or whenever I have to shop in the plus size section. Ehn.

My boyfriend works at Hooters and is surrounded by thin, beautiful girls every day and it just makes me feel bigger and worse about myself. Even when I take the time to 'make myself up' I go to see them, and I feel like I want to crawl under a rock and hide. I'm hoping that the journey of self-improvement that I have just begun will help me to not feel this way anymore.

I always felt like I was healthy - even at my highest weight. I was aware that I was fat - but I never felt unhealthy. I look at pictures now and am glad I came around before I got any older...I'll be 40 soon - I can only imagine what parts of me would be in pain if I still weighed 264. Isn't it funny the mind games we play on ourselves?

Well, count me in as another who was in denial about her size. I knew I was overweight but thought I hid it fairly well by dressing with care. I avoided revealing, too tight, and too loose clothing and never looked at myself in a full-length mirror when undressed. Also, I was physically strong and had a lot of endurance. Finally, I always had great check-ups -- blood pressure, cholesterol, etc. So, I thought, how could I be so overweight if I was so strong and healthy?

Now, sometimes I feel fatter than ever. Other times, I look at the curves of my waist and hips and think I look pretty darn good. The mind is a funny thing.

__________________

Living primal and focusing on my health, not a number. Although I wouldn't complain about a smaller number!

i remember seeing a picture of myself and i looked literally like a human cow. i asked my sister if i really looked like that and she said, "well yeah, that's the you i see every day." i didnt tell her what i meant when i asked her that question, but at that moment, i realized that that is what the world sees me as. gosh, that makes me wanna cry

I am completely amazed that so many people feel this way. Reality is that I know that I'm fat. I will say that 90% of the time I feel very put together and polished, that is until I see a picture of myself. It's often enough to ruin my whole day.

Amen sistas! I feel the same way. And I think because I am in fairly good shape, I have to work out much harder to make a difference. It sucks because you watch biggest loser and they lose 15 pounds at a time, and I have to remember that is because they are very heavy and not active. I have been stuck in a rut lately, and I just need something to push me...so I think I need to take a pic of me naked and hang it in my fridge...Is that wrong?