Does having children make you old?

Any fashionable idea of yummy mummies is far from the reality of weight gain, back ache and frazzled nerves, says Eleanor Bailey

'Make-up? That's just papering over the cracks for me, these days," complains Juliet. She is 43 but says people always assume she's over 50. She is the mother of three children aged seven, nine and 11 - and, she feels, it's taken its toll.

"I have permanent back pain. Four years of breast-feeding reduced my C cup to an A. It's as though they've sucked the lifeblood out of me. As the kids get bigger, I shrivel - apart from my bottom, which is big and saggy. After Daniel (number three), I developed an under-active thyroid, which means medication for the rest of my life. I've aged 20 years in the last decade. It's doubly unfair that childless friends not only get less wear and tear, but have more money and time to spend on looking good."

In the post-Sex and the City world, where childlessness is common and more socially acceptable, it's easy to see why some who do decide to have children might feel prematurely aged. While motherhood lessens the risk of some women's diseases and may, long term, be good for the soul, is it also true that - as many mothers no doubt believe - having children makes you age more quickly? Do women who decide not to procreate really stay youthful (healthier, as well as younger looking) for longer? What exactly are the health consequences of having (or not having) children on our bodies and minds?

That there are permanent consequences of pregnancy and birth is indisputable. Stretch marks fade but don't disappear. Piles may abate but can always return. The strain on the bladder causes only temporary incontinence in most women, but an unlucky few will always have a problem whenever they cough, laugh or sneeze. Varicose veins are more likely with each baby and breasts head south, never to return. Not very yummy mummy. But the perception that having children turns a woman to blubber is false.

A study of more than 2,500 women by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta, USA, found that the typical adult woman gained eight to 10 pounds during any given decade - only three pounds of which were attributable to pregnancy. However, the mothers in the study had bigger waists in proportion to their hips than women without children. First, they would have accumulated fat around the abdomen for breast-milk production and, second, the muscle, postpartum, is laxer.

Sheila Rossan is a chartered psychologist whose research found that women reported feeling "frumpier" for a long time after having children. "They lose the veneer of sophistication," she explains.

Psychologically, having a child is ageing because you are immediately and irrevocably shunted up a generation, but it is also life-affirming. "Psychiatrists say that until you have a child, until you have looked after someone who cannot look after herself, you are not an adult," says Rossan. But many childless women disagree.

"All those mothers who say childrearing has destroyed their looks, I'd say the same about my career," protests Meg, 45, the youngest and one of two childless among five sisters. "I carry the can for the mothers who have to dash off at 4.30pm to pick up the kids. I'm the one at the late functions, drinking too much, four nights a week. It adds wrinkles and waistline as fast as a baby, let me tell you.

"Also, my childless sister had breast cancer at 50, and it's a worry that I'm at risk because I haven't had children."

Meg is right that childlessness is associated with a greater risk of ovarian cancer, endometrial cancer and breast cancer - as the charity Women's Health confirms. Pregnancy and breastfeeding are protective, particularly in women under 30.

And Meg's late-night wrinkles theory is not merely an excuse. Dermatologist Dr Benedetta Brazzini, from the Private Clinic in Harley Street, London, says: "Mothers may look more tired when their children are young, but the effect is temporary. They often lead healthier lives than their childless contemporaries, drinking and smoking less."

Pregnancy can be tough on the skin, says Dr Brazzini, causing permanent broken blood vessels. But the biggest factors of ageing, she says, remain sun exposure and genetics.

However, while mothers are zealously applying sun cream to their children, they may forget themselves. Women with children often neglect their own health, agrees Dr Peter Skew, former president of the British Institute of Musculoskeletal Medicine.

"Typically, a mother reports her bad back when her youngest child is a teenager, and we often trace it back to within a year of her last pregnancy. Mothers don't have time to worry about their minor aches and pains."

The abdominal muscles are the core, explains Dr Skew, protecting the spine between the ribs and pelvis. After giving birth, when the extra weight is taken away and abdominal muscles are weak, the spine is suddenly put under pressure.

With every subsequent baby, as the woman gets older, the body becomes more stretched and worn. While the childless woman gets her exercise in the controlled environment of the gym, a mother's "weights" kick and scream and jump on her neck. "Mothers may have an active lifestyle, but there's too much bending and twisting and bad lifting," says Dr Skew.

Carrying a young child on the hip for prolonged periods puts the spine into an S-shape, leaving mothers vulnerable to scoliosis and arthritis.

Another area where the childless hold all the aces is sleep. While they can still enjoy a weekend lie-in, mothers often complain that they never get a solid eight hours ever again, even after their children stop waking early.

This is typical, but not inevitable, says Dr Irshaad Ebrahim of the London Sleep Centre. "Once the brain is used to waking in the night, it becomes a vicious cycle, chronic, ingrained. Years of compromised sleep cause premature ageing, disrupting the body's mechanisms for rejuvenating and weakening immunity."

Poor sleep is one reason why many mothers think they lose all cognitive skills, which makes them feel older still. Juliet talks wistfully of childless friends who have "opinions on books and politics, while all I can talk about is Ofsted results". But she is doing herself a disservice: research from the University of Richmond in Virginia suggests that, long term, motherhood protects the brain. Hormones released during pregnancy are a preparation for the demands of motherhood.

If mothers feel like dullards, it is probably because their attention is spread across so many tasks. In studies, mother rats completed maze puzzles quicker than virgin rats; when presented with new situations, mother rats' brains showed less fear. Childless women may be less battle-scarred, but mothers may be tougher at dealing with problems life throws at them.