Fixing Vs. Expressing Yourself

If you can not make sense of what I am trying to say, just go ahead and read the post.

I lived that way

It was my way of living. Fixing Myself! I lived that way for years. I worked very hard on myself. Yes, Hard On Myself!! I was never happy with whatever I created. I would search for the reasons to prove to me that the work could still be better!

It was comfortable

The process was somehow helping me survive with my Low Self-esteem. I believed deeply inside me that it was the Correct way of Living. I was always protected. No major difficulties. Yet, no excitement and no feeling of growth.

Every day was predictable. Even problems in life could be managed by Blaming Me! I could always find something inside me to Fix and then would spend days in correcting.

I believed that if I could learn how the mind worked I would overcome my Low Self-esteem. I did not realize for a long period that I was trapped by Myself! My mind was making me fool and I continued to remain in the state that was comfortable and known to me. Ofcourse, I did not have to face Change. I did not have to explore the Unknown.

Never complete

I read lots of books on various psychotherapeutic techniques and applied them to Fix me. They worked partially in helping me. The fault was not with the techniques. I think it was my Mind who always came from the position of Lack. It always felt empty and would search for the reasons to justify the lack and then would work hard to Fix.

That was like, ‘Always striving and Never arriving!’ I think the positive aspect of my life during those days was that, somewhere inside me, outside my ‘Conscious Awareness’, I was looking for an experience that would cross the barriers of my habitual way of processing LIFE, and reach to the deepest part of Me, to shake me from the foundation, and create a Conscious Awareness to realize A New Way of Living (The last one is a long sentence. I know that. If you can not make sense by reading it once, I request you to read it again, till you can resonate with what I mean. If you can get it in one reading, it means I can express well by writing!!).

Death helped me realize ‘How to Live’

My Life started changing when I had experiences with Death! I realized the Eternity of My Existence when I had experiences of deaths of some of my close ones. It was not that I did not see anyone close to me dying before this. But, I think I was never ready ever before my last few head-ons with Death.

Yes, my foundation was shaken. I dived into and explored the idea of Me beyond my Mind and Body. I was becoming holistic! I realized that I was in the process of Fixing because I always ignored my Spirit. I realized that I could not live to my full potential if I ignored any of my three essential parts: Body, Mind and Spirit.

New awareness, new way of Living

I now look at the world with a new Insight. The insight that is very profound! I accept myself as a Spiritual Being first, then comes my Mind and Body. The person whom I admire a lot (Dr. Wayne Dyer) correctly states about this in his quote:

“We are not Human Beings having a Spiritual Experience; but Spiritual Beings having Human Experience!”

I now feel the need to express the spiritual self of mine through my mental processes and physical self. I feel connected to all human beings at a deeper level. I accept myself and all others as they are. I believe that everyone of us is on a journey of growth by learning from our life’s experiences. I see problems as opportunites (This is true! Ofcourse, I get upset. But, the discomfort does not last very long).

I see myself and all others coming from the same SOURCE. And so, I do not feel the need to Fix Myself. On the contrary, I now let the need to fix muself dissolve. Yes, I just let go! I believe that my life’s true purpose is to Express. Expressing my spiritual self through the tools of my Mind and Body. I believe that we are all unique. We all have our uniqueness to express. I now believe that my expression is my contribution to this world.

The obstacles help me polish my expression. They help me fine tune whatever I create, if I take them as Opportunities.

I am in the process of Ever Creating!

Over the course of time, now I have learned to choose a Creative Self-expression over the process of Fixing Myself. I have learned that the process of Fixing is Never Ending while the process of Self-expression is Ever Creating.

Now I have, in my opinion, healthy Self-esteem. I love Myself. I express Myself without a need to Fix Myself. Yes, I do reflect on what I have created. But now, I do not search for the reasons to make it better. Instead, I enjoy my work, celebrate its completion, reflect to get meaningful Insights and get back to Expressing more.

My way of living is: Creative Self-expression! I have Consciously chosen it!

(I sincerely look forward to your experiences. You can add value to this post by commenting below. If you have found some value by reading this, sharing with others will spread your Insight)

9 Responses to Fixing Vs. Expressing Yourself

Your article is indeed very articulate & evolved. Fixing is what we normally resort to. I always considered myself as a very confident person & kept taking various decisions of my life, but life doesnt go how we really plan it & hence over a period of time i started losing my confidence. There was always a doubt . As silly as which road to take to work or what to wear or what restaurant to go.. But i would still try to fix it up everytime thinking maybe i will get ok, i tried lotsa reading n all.. it helped me evolve but it would keep recurring..Gradually i realised i was losing myself & to top it up my nearest person passed away.. I saw the meaning of life then, knowing that I am mere soul on this earth to fulfill a cause & one i too will be gone..So whats the use pondering over decisions..& here i took help of self expression.. My expressin would be in form of dancing, clay modelling & photography..Expression could be anything liberating which allows u to leave ur self n rise to ahigher level wherin u experience a sense of bliss.. i started that n today i feel back to my normal self, rather much more evolved n connected to my spiritual self..

I have just started reading your blogs…old ones and new ones.. and i am so very much enjoying each one of them. Congratulations ! it can be felt that each article is coming from your heart…
Best wishes for more such wonderful insights…

I’m so glad I came across your article! I relate to it so much. What’s crazy is I didn’t even know that fixing myself was my go-to healing method. Like you said, blaming myself for my problems, or as I called it “taking responsibility,” meant that I had control over my life, that if I could understand the psychology behind my actions, I could change myself and make myself better. I was “always striving” to make myself better, which is a never-ending road because perfection is a futile goal. It is never attainable and only leads to more awareness of lack. I envied people who weren’t perfect but free and content with themselves as they were. Those people didn’t punish themselves for being imperfect, didn’t go into isolation to pinpoint all the areas in which they fail, and didn’t spend days and weeks trying to rid themselves of their weaknesses. I asked myself why I felt the need to do that and why my weaknesses were so hard for me to accept. I think it came down to fear of not being loved by the outside world. It took me a long time to understand that loving myself as I am is enough. Thank you for this article!

For most of our perfectionist attitudes and fixing-ourselves behaviors, in my opinion, stem from the underlying experiences of not being approved of being our own selves. In early life years, this non-approval is sometimes perceived as not-being-loved.

Later in life, we resort to fixing-behaviors just to feel complete, and then approved, and then finally loved. We continue to strive, but never arrive! It’s because, as you have said, you are chasing something which does not exist. It’s a never-ending road. There is nothing at the end, although you believe that you would get it if you could still do it in some better way.

[…] I have mentioned here has helped me overcome my Perfectionist Attitude. Now I focus more on expressing myself more creatively. I acknowledge that I have some limiting patterns, some difficulties to overcome but at the core […]