Spouses Group for those Wounded through Sexual Betrayal in Relationship

Monday Evening , 7:15-8:45p

What? This is a weekly meeting of women and men dealing with various issues around sexual betrayal in relationship(s). The group will be initially focused on learning to cope with woundedness from the effects of sexual addiction, infidelity or other forms of sexual sin. Secondarily we will be dealing with issues of grief recovery, co-dependency, healthy boundaries, and Bold Love. Issues covered include, but are not limited to, those such as the trauma from exposure to sexually compulsive behaviors, problems with inappropriate flirtation, dealing with an affair(s), issues related to prostitution, visiting nightclubs, bookstores, videos, problems with unwanted attractions, etc. When? Monday Evening, from 7:15p to 8:45p. Length? There is a 16 week commitment to the group process. Members may continue after the first period as an alumni member of the group.

The course will be closed for brief periods to allow relationships to gel and become a cohesive group. When new members start the process they will be folded in to the process about every four weeks. The group will hold to the strictest rules of confidentiality intended to guard personal privacy within the limits and boundaries of the law. Each member must have completed an initial assessment and be approved as appropriate for the class. Please call facilitator, Beth Stull, or Jeffrey Stull at 770-888-7754 to inquire further, make an initial assessment meeting, and / or register for the course. A $35- registration fee must be collected before the first class covering materials and handling. Also, the fee for the class is $35- per week with the first eight weeks collected at or before the first meeting($280-), and then the remainder balance to be paid in full by the 7th week (2nd $280- payment). Visa/MasterCard are accepted.

Why Should I Get Help When It's His Problem?An excerpt from Shattered Vows by Debbie Laaser, MA, LMFT

When Mark left the sexual addiction treatment center, his case manager, Jeff, arranged for his “after care”: the ongoing counseling that he would receive in our local area after treatment. Oddly enough, Jeff had an after-care plan for me, too. I was wondering if he misunderstood the basic issue here: Mark was the one with the problem, not me! Mark was the one who had broken our wedding vows and who had committed sexual sin; I was the one who was faithful, responsible, truthful, and righteous in all I did. Why in the world would I need to go to therapy? My designated evening for women’s group was Tuesday, and I agreed to go if it would help Mark heal. I didn’t want to look defiant or angry. I didn’t like the “codependent” labels the treatment center people were trying to give me, so I wanted to look cooperative and independent, making the decision to go because I thought it was a good idea. When I arrived for my group, it was probably for all the wrong reasons. Nevertheless, Maureen, my therapist, was gracious in welcoming me to the group and invited me to share my story with the other women. Despite the fact that my world had crashed just four weeks earlier and I was overwhelmed with anger, sadness, and uncertainty, I summarized my situation without one tear or emotional glitch. It felt like a victory. I had gotten through my introduction without falling apart. Maybe I wasn’t such a mess after all! Maureen didn’t comment on my emotional state one way or the other; she just welcomed me to the safe community of women and began encouraging me to experience my feelings—all of them.Looking back, I am grateful that my first steps were decided for me, because I don’t know if I would have ever taken them for myself. Twenty years ago there was not much help available for women struggling in relationships with men who had been sexually impure. There was barely help for the men. I know today that God’s guidance and timing were perfect in those early months. While I didn’t always recognize this in the midst of our crisis, I can see that the right steps were revealed many times along the way. I began to trust that God was providing what I needed in this adversity. My job was to step out of isolation and enter a safe community where I would be comforted and pointed in the direction of healing. What I did know after that first night of group was that I had found a ‘home’—a place where safe women and a very gifted therapist began leading me through my pain and hearing me like I had never been heard before. The experience was freeing. The authenticity modeled to me was contagious. For the first time in my life my ‘insides’ matched my ‘outsides’. What I said and how I looked reflected what I was feeling. When I was sad, I learned to allow myself to be with that feeling. I looked sad, and often I cried. When I was angry or frustrated or anxious, I learned how to talk about those feelings instead of hide them away—or busy myself with something else to do. Being congruent took a lot of practice, and my new safe community became my practice arena. I quickly claimed this place to be mine—for me—for my healing and growth, no matter what happened to Mark or to our relationship.