I don't have a question; just here to vent. My husband has two caregivers, and the one he bonds REALLY well with cannot work more than 2 full days. She has 2 other gigs elsewhere that she does not want to give up. I want to hire her for more days, and have offered to pay her more, but she does not want to. So, I have to keep looking for another one for the other three days. Finding a caregiver that your loved one bonds well with is soooooooooooooo hard!!!

15 Comments

I was just thinking - even among family, not all caregivers are equal. Recently I was told by "a son" that he isn't squeamish. But you know something? I don't have time for squeamish - I just have to step up to the plate and do. "A Son" has never even offered to shave his dad, let alone clean his behind.

It left me wondering if he "isn't squeamish" as long as I am the one wiping the behind and cleaning up the occasional accident from floor and furniture.

So even with family, there is no guarantee that anyone/everyone will be a good caregiver.

I agree with all the comments. Believe it or not, it may be good that the preferred caregiver wants to only caregive your dad for only a couple days. I have seen with my mom that caregiver fatigue can set in for both the caregiver and my mom if the caregiver is scheduled too many days. So we try and keep things "fresh" by using 3 or so caregivers - one for no more than 3 days a week - which seems to be effective. Meantime, do everything you can to create a good work situation for the favorite caregiver so she prefers you over the other clients and will be most likely to retain you if she ever has to reduce her workload.

The best two caregivers I hired were recent graduates at the local community college. They have a Nursing program and in the state of Illinois students entering into the Nursing program must take a CNA course. The two that I hired were done with the CNA program and were entering the Nursing program. I told them I would work around their schedule and I did not mind if they studied while caring for my Husband as long as the studies did not interfere with his care. The first year or so I had to go through an agency as the agency was contracted and approved by the VA. Later I was on a program, through the VA but oddly the requirement was that I had to hire people and I could not go through an agency. I had one good caregiver, one that was a nightmare, (she stole from me...long story but it was resolved to some extent) then the last 2 were Angels that made up for all the aggravation.

Worried: Before I could arrive to be my mother's caregiver, I used trusted caregivers of her elderly friends. She already knew the women and was completely comfortable with them. If your LO has respected caregivers, you may want to try that approach.

..... and very possibly, the other 2 'gigs' are also asking for more days and you then become one of the 'other 2 gigs' - - be thankful as it sounds like this caregiver also bonds with her patients and that is awesome.

Finding the "right" caregiver is a process. Every client is different and certain caregivers are better suited for certain types. As an agency we filter out personalities before sending a caregiver based on our client assessment. We always try to get it right the first time but you need to accept the fact that some effort needs to be put into the search. , Without access to the hundreds of registered caregivers an agency has doing it privately can be very difficult.

I hired caregivers through an agency for my dad. That agency has a policy that when providing 24/7 care, they can work up to 2 days straight with a client and then must have time off. We had our favorite, but I do understand why this policy is in place. Also, there is something said for developing a good report with more than one caregiver in case circumstances change for your favorite. On the other hand, I had a relative who employed a live-in full-time caregiver for her husband and it worked very well, but I'm pretty certain that the contract was private. I empathize with your situation, however. I have been in a situation where a caregiver arrived that was ill-prepared to assist my dad making it impossible for me to leave the house. Very stressful for all involved. After 5 hours, a replacement was provided who ended up working out for us quite successfully. It's definitely a process!

Care Giving is something which naturally creates burnout syndromes in all adults. Think back to when your own children were young, if you have children, or perhaps when you first bought a pet. The constant "caring" for someone else before your own needs can cause you to become less proficient/professional. Care Givers are highly under-rated, under-paid and also taken advantage of by many agencies. However, there are those agencies or private individuals who already know this and offer their services as stated this week, only a few shifts at a time. If nurses are regulated not to work more than three 12 hour shifts in hospitals, for years now, the evidence is already proven. Care for yourself so you can offer your loved one the "best of you". Otherwise, move on. With healthcare providing less and less alternatives this is likely to become our next global "movement". I certainly hope so, for everyone's sake. (Credit In Heaven)

I agree that the agencies compensate their caregivers less than I pay out. This is why I offered the good caregiver cash bonus to entice her to work more days with us, but she says she needs to rest too. I am disappointed, but I understand.

I too hate the term "girls." So demeaning. I always call them by their names or "caregivers."

As someone who worked in Elder Care for my job, I can tell you that because of the very low pay, most people with much education and skills do not choose to work grueling hours with sick, elderly patients for minimum wage. I do not have a college degree and I was in kind of desperate place myself. Applied, interviewed and hired within 6 hrs. Started the next day.

That's just a fact. In order to make the parent company any profit, they charge more than double what they pay their workers. With one large company, I got ONE 50 cents raise in 3 years. Seriously? When I asked for a raise (after a year of a challenging client whom I did dearly love!) but was killing myself, caring for her--and my co. said "we don't give raises. Ever." Guess I was super lucky!

This is the mindset of many of the private care companies. You are really, really lucky if you hit the jackpot with a CG who bonds with your LO.

In my case, my client had fired the first 3 "girls" they sent her. I was not a "girl" I was a 50 yo woman. SOME people can work in Elder Care and not be beaten down by it, nor mind the poor pay. I did mind it a lot--I worked so very hard for so very little--it became very depressing.

I am using an agency for this. My lawyer says it is beneficial for many reasons, and I agree. So far, my husband has a hard time bonding with one of the two caregivers and I have asked for a specific person, but no luck. It is not the caregiver's fault; it's the disease.

It hard to find good caregivers who really step up and treat there customers like close family. However, I was wondering the same things that freqflyer mentioned. Agency's and employees within the agency's varies a lot at times.

Worriedspouse, are you looking for caregivers via a professional Agency?

That is how I found really great caregivers for my Dad. The Agency sent out a variety of caregivers and Dad said he liked two the best because he had more in common with those two, and they understood Dad's sense of humor :) The caregivers were able to re-arrange their schedule through the Agency, and they were with Dad for over a year.

Depending on State laws, some States limit the amount of time that one caregiver can spend on the job. I remember Dad's agency the caregivers were only allowed to work 8 hours per day, otherwise they would get burned out.

If you are using caregivers who are independent contractors, it could be the one caregiver you wish to work longer may not want to do so, as she wants to keep her income below a certain amount due to income taxes.

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