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Teacher, can You check my personal statement, please

The second reason, why I became interested in this specialty is my belief. I believe that if you are doing only what everyone says, what you know or that you can – you never do in life anything special. When I began to take an interest in the science of Genetics and famous people in this field, I was very admired of scientist Barbara McClintock. I admire with her work. She became a woman, who is my authority. As well as, I am motivated by one of my favorite philosophers, saying: "A man sees his reflection in the human being." Therefore, I see my reflection in this woman.

The dream realization begins with correct selection of the country. There, several reasons why I have chosen the England as the country I want to study in that. First of them, the English universities very positively are recognized around all the world. In this country are taught in many fields. Secondly, the England is rich with students from all the world. I am attracting here by the prevailing broad cultural diversity, and I have a desire to get a conversance with the more diverse people. Thirdly, this country attracts me its beautiful landscape. It is also a multinational country, so I do not feel so strange here.
In spite of these reasons, in this country is an amazing and suitable Newcastle University, / The university of Essex, / University of Westminster. This university has a miscellaneous community – here are gathered students from more than 40 countries. There is friendly, safe, pleasant environment, active and enthusiastic students‘ life. In addition, it has an excellent academic reputation of the university because it is focused on student success in studies. Also, the vast majority of graduating students find a good job or continue their studies.
I can mention that I entered in contests of Biology and Chemistry "Elementum" at school. I have always been an active in public life not only in relation to Biology and Chemistry. I took part in International mathematical contest "Kangaroo" and in Translation Competition "Your Look" in English and Russian languages at school. As well as, I participated in "Saulės" Gymnasium’s organized "Tiksliukų" get-together where skills are integrated with mathematical knowledge. In additionally, I am responsible and independent person. I have worked as a nanny of Lithuanian children in Germany. I make a practice of Art School in all Lithuania in every summer. In spite of this, I am fond of going camping. The College of Kolping organizes camps in Troskunai, in which are given "Jaunimo ir vaikų sergančių cukriniu diabetu" lectures on themes of politics, religion and environment.

Aside from school, I have a passion for a number of hobbies. In my free time, I am keen on drawing. I have graduated from A. Martinaitis Art School. I have been singing in the school choir for three years. Also, I have been attending classes of pottery for many years. During my free time, I am keen on dancing. I have been dancing ballroom dances for four years, and I have tried linear dances, lindy hop. Besides, I enjoy involving in ISM University Lectures and projects, such as "I seek more" and "Mental battles". I interest in the existential literature, one of my favorites representative of this period is Albert Camus. To deep relax, I am keen on traveling. I often travel. While I am traveling, I see other cultures, other ethnicities, admire with architecture. So, I prefer to visit the famous and the party distinctive architectural masterpieces. Traveling experience helped me to improve my English, German and Russian communication skills.

To sum up, I would like to take part in the University life because this is an excellent opportunity to improve my professional skills. I should be accepted because in my life are two very important and concurrent things - the motivation and responsibility. The motivation is the engine for me to be in progress and responsibility that influences my choices and promotes me to finish the work. I think that I am a creative person who likes to try myself. I am full of ambition and desires.

Re: Teacher, can You check my personal statement, please

I'm not a teacher, but I will try to help you:

The industry of Medical Genetics and Biomedicine is my dream. There are several reasons why I started to take an interest in the study of this science. The first reason is that I have had an interest in this specialty from a young age at school. As long as I remember, I have always loved Biology lessons. Biology was one of the most interesting subjects in my life. I am interested in the human nervous system and I wonder how it affects our body and emotions. This science has always fascinated me with its secrets. The science of Biology explains what we see every day, but we do not know what lies in inside it and what causes it (I don't really understand what you're trying to say here). I wanted to learn more and more how it operates.

End of part 1

Peter
(I'm not a teacher or a native English speaker. I'm just trying to help...)

Re: Teacher, can You check my personal statement, please

The second of those reasons would be my personal view on life. I firmly believe that if you follow specific rules and norms you will never achieve something truly outstanding. Once the science of genetics piqued my interest I took note of various famous people in the field, first and foremost of those being Barbara McClintock. Furthermore, I believe her work to be one of the best there are. A philosopher once said that a man sees his reflection in the human being and I have found my reflection in her.

However, I wanted to study abroad, in England to be exact. There are several reasons why I have chosen England as the country I want to study in. First of all, the English universities are valued and recognized throughout the world. The sheer range of possibilities is astounding. Secondly, the amount of foreign students presents a rather interesting cultural palette. It is those diversities that attract me beyond belief. My third reason would be the beauty of country itself and its habitants in general. Not to mention the fact of England being one of supporting columns of the world thus making it a scientifical hub of sorts. [I don’t think you should mention the diversities so much. Not that diversities themselves are bad, but you can say one thing in only so many ways and at one point the sentences become redundant]
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I sincerely hope I’m not too late and I’ll probably continue with revising it tomorrow. Note that I am not a teacher nor am I a native English speaker so all my advices should be taken with a grain of salt.