Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Mary-Louise Parker Gives It Another Go in the Big Apple

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Late last night Your Mama picked up a covert communique on our handy-dandy iPhone from our unofficial aide-de-camp Hot Chocolate who'd discovered that famously fearless, award-winning actress Mary-Louise Parker has her 12-into-10-room New York City duplex apartment (back) on the market with an asking price of $7,000,000.

Miz Parker—a single mother of two with an Emmy (Angels in America), a Tony (Proof) and and two Golden Globes (Weeds, Angels in America), not to mention numerous additional nominations—first put her updated and upgraded pre-war Greenwich Village co-operative crib up for grabs with little (or no) fanfare back in March 2012 with a $7,995,000 price tag. The asking price dropped to $7,250,000 before it was briefly taken off the market in early August.

Property records are a bit vague so Your Mama isn't sure exactly when Miz Parker purchased the two-floor, two-unit combination spread—it may or may not have been in June 2003 for an unknown amount of dinero—but we do find clear evidence online that in May 2005 she bought out her philandering ex-man-friend/baby daddy Billy Crudup's interest in the family-sized apartment for a few dollars less than $1,500,000.

Neither previous nor current marketing materials state the exact size of the two-unit combination but Your Mama's elementary school calculations suggest it's somewhere just under 3,000 square feet. What past and present listings do reveal is that Miz Parker's apartment has four (or five bedrooms, depending on how rooms get used), 4.5 bathrooms, 26 windows with four exposures, two wood-burning fireplaces and two private storage rooms. The not-inconsiderable $6,623 per month maintenance and common charges cover full-service building amenities such doorman and elevator attendants, a live-in super and access to a resident's only fitness facility.

The long, lower level entrance hall opens into a spacious, sparely-furnished but art-filled 560-plus square foot living/dining room with beamed ceiling, wood-burning fireplace and Old School parquet floors stained black (or maybe it's a dark chocolate) for a handsome touch of modernity. Half a dozen over-sized windows on two walls provide sweeping views of Washington Square Park and the Empire State Building. The adjacent, S-shaped kitchen may be compact but it's none-the-less impressively outfitted with a walk-in pantry, a built-in banquette and a full suite of top-grade appliances.

There are two potential bedrooms on the lower floor. The smaller, corner room is marked as an office on the floor plan included with current listing information and it appears that Miz Parker converted the larger, lower level bedroom into a fantasy-land playroom space with mural-painted walls that depict—among other things—the famous Cyclone roller coaster at Coney Island. The Parker children and their friends probably love the ginormous, twig-festooned playhouse/puppet theater in the corner but, honestly chickens, all those child-sized puppets give Your Mama the heebie-jeebies.

A chandelier-lit floating staircase climbs to the second floor where three bedrooms with private poopers—plus a newly refurbished and luxuriously windowed laundry room—spoke off an intimate sitting area with second wood-burning fireplace, shag rug, and a couple of deep, slip-covered sofa pieces perfect for bedtime stories and boob-toob viewing. Pocket doors separate the sitting area from the master bedroom, complete includes a custom-fitted walk-in closet/dressing room, hair and make-up nook, and a spa-style bathroom with two sinks and separate tub and shower.

Our brief and unscientific research shows Miz Parker does not own any other real estate—she's been known to lease homes in Los Angeles where Weeds tapes—and we have no idea if she plans to remain in New York City where she's lived since the late 1980s or if she plans to decamp to another, no-doubt upscale locale. Bueller? Bueller? Anyone? Bueller?

The fact that you continue using lame Reagan-era catch phrases (as if that denoted some sort of "wit") sadly denotes how tiresome, irrelevant, and completely pathetic this little corner of conspicuous consumption has become.

Your sensibilities, as well as your site, is long past it's sell-by date.

7:55 - thanks asshole. Now Mama is going to have to reinstate the security mechanism for posting.

2:17 - I think most children think YOU are irrelevant. read above - no one cares what you think. If you don't like it, don't read it and don't post in it.

Now, this apartment floor plan is a little weird. The master bedroom seems so odd a relationship to the stairs/hallway with the fireplace. I think the duplex could have been done better - likely done before Ms. Weeds.

I'm sick of all these insolent children whinging about Mama. You are reading this deevine site for free, if your delicate sensibilities are so bothered by Mama's turn of phrase then you can kindly leave our family boudoir and make sure the door don't hit you in the ass on your way out. Now kindly put up or shut up. Don't make Mama bring out the wooden spoon.

LOL! I wish I'd said that! Now, as for you 2:17, amscray! We don't need your lame and complete lack of wit around here. Apparently your mama fell down on the job and never informed you that if you don't have anything nice to say - don't say anything at all. I can accept all the anti-capitalist rants against the folks who buy and sell these ridiculously expensive properties from mama's faithful, but nothing burns my butt more than some ungrateful reader of a free blog announcing their lack of class and sophistication by accusing said blogger of some sort of complicity in the behavior they chronicle. Don't shoot the messenger, hunny...

That floating staircase really bothers me and ruins the effect of the fireplace and living/dining room combo. If it could be moved, this place could be really great (and if the kitchen was expanded and reconfiguired, probably by eliminating that sad den). Thanks for the post as always Mama -- I have been reading your blog for over 6 years and look forward to a new post everday!!

Normally I applaud placing a staircase in a dining room; it usually is a great way to maximize two underutilized spaces: a dining room and entry. But the placement of this staircase looks odd. I'm not enough of an architect to figure out something more pleasing, but I'm sure someone could. The design of the stair reminds of those attic stairs you pull down from the ceiling.

I know, I I know, Regan catch phrase like '' this little corner of conspicuous consumption'' you mean? Ya, " just go disappear into the nothingness you are anon 2:17 and leave us alone, and you come here to insult because your super jealous!!