Let's Share Emotions, Thoughts

Keeping in Touch

I don't know if I am over-reacting, but I am coming across more and more people who do not keep up their commitments, conveniently 'forget' to inform you, do not respond to your messages, and yet are so busy on social media sending forwards and sharing jokes.

When communication has become so easy, why do we neglect people who are genuinely trying to communicate with us, and who have no vested interest and are not trying to 'sell' us anything?

Ironically the same people will not hesitate to call you a dozen times when THEY need something from you.

Of course I should not generalize, since I have very many friends who are always sensitive to respond or keep in touch. They enrich my life

Overcoming Loneliness

Have you had occasion when you were suddenly feeling very lonely and just wanted to reach out to a friend? Did you have occasion when none of your "close" friends seem to be available, no one was taking your call or calling you back?

If yes, then let me share with you a simple mantra to overcome this possible hurdle. Nurture a couple of good friends. They may not be people you meet or talk to regularly, but you know they are compassionate, caring and that they genuinely love you. Tell them in advance that if you feel down and out you will probably reach out to them, and you just want them to spend a few minutes listening to you.

If they agree, don't forget to tell them that YOU too will be available if they want to reach out to you. That is a true relationship.

Handling Criticism

It’s not all that difficult !

Criticism is certain – we should expect/anticipate that we will be subject to it time and again. There is no point trying to run away from it. Rather, it is better to gain the skills to be able to handle it.

It starts with our perception of others. We “believe” that some people are of a certain type, we have expectations from them. If we are disappointed, it shows in the form of criticism of the other person. Also, we select what we wish to perceive, what is important to us. Our opinion of others depends on our..…

The Myth

The myth of romantic love is an illusion. A myth may or may not be true. But the experience will last forever. This myth is a cultural invention, a common tradition dating back to Middle Ages.

Emotions of romance and love would have been created by our own set of beliefs, or even infused by friends and related elders around us.

Reading the age old “Chandamama” story books, “Amar chitra katha” fairy tales where a handsome strong Prince and a poor damsel in distress, a Mermaid and the wood cutter (the list can go on) will fall in love and after a long tale of love will marry and live happily ever after,we as kids either by reading or hearing these tales would have been mesmerized with the quote “happily ever after” without having any doubt of what actually happens after this “ever after.”

A few other prevalent sayings by our own people like “God has destined and we all elders approve you both husband and wife” “Horoscopes are matching with maximum compatibility, so both of you can tie the knot of marriage” and so on, creates emotions of illusions of romantic love. And we believe or are made to believe that this is real.

These myths may actually be getting in the way of truly nding the “happily ever after” in our lives. Then what is true love?

Now after the marriage and the honeymoon phase, the real life begins. We begin to sense the beginning of problems. We feel the consequences of the unmet needs. We start to see the other person, more like they truly are, not what we needed or thought them to be. Then starts the fault nding with each other, a period of indifferent behaviors, ego clashes and thus remain together in misery or separate with a baggage of hurt, anger and being cynical of relationship.

True happiness of love is not a theory, a Solar Eclipse Men and Women Price of LOVE 7 writer's imagination or a ction, it must be created and experienced by the “self.”

Being aware of one's self is the 1st truth. Recognizing, managing my own thoughts, feelings in a compassionate way even if they are scary or inconvenient. Once I am committed to my own truth, then I can work to create a long lasting relationship.

Now, with the partner. He/she is a different individual with different pattern of thoughts, behaviors, cultural and t raditional upbringing. To recognize and understand this individual from his/her point of view is the next priority.

Both the individuals should rst accept their own feel. The Truth, the same level of accepting each other.

And now learning to adopt the four basic Truths. Respect for each other's individuality, the Trust on each other (the understanding attribute) the Commitment which is being with each other in unusual situations too and enveloping the magnicent communication mantra “Speaking and listening skills should rst be learnt and sharpened often”

These 4 basic Truths will surely create a strong spectrum of love for ever, as each other's individuality is the only foundation upon which a mature marriage can be based and real love can grow.

Who Are You?

As an ardent student of human behavior, I often like to know how much time people spend in trying to understand their own self. Many of us take deep interest in analyzing, understanding and commenting on others. Not only those who are involved with us, but even about political leaders, film stars, celebrities etc. Hours are spent in idle conversations and comments about people whose lives we cannot (and should not) change in any way. But we do not spend even a fraction of that time trying to analyze and understand about ourselves.

You will live with yourself 24/7 X 365 for all the years of your life. You need to know your upbringing, attitudes, values, likes and dislikes. You need to introspect on what have been your achievements and your frustrations. You should evaluate what you have gained and what you have missed out in life. You should also be aware of the changes within you, how your aspirations and priorities evolve, what makes you happy or unhappy. Only if you do this periodically will you be able to face any challenges squarely.

In my training programs I often ask a question unexpectedly, “Who are you?” and ask them to answer immediately. It is amazing how many people flounder – they write the roles they are playing, ‘what’ they are, but many cannot really answer ‘who’ they are. Are you able to answer to yourself,

Orientation to The Little Boys

"We ask our daughters where they were, but we do not ask our sons where they were and what they were doing..."

Often I stop on the road and discreetly watch the cute scene of a little boy holding the hand of an even tinier sister or cousin and taking her to school. I often wonder what happens to these boys when they grow up and develop insensitive feelings towards the fairer sex. Is it their fault, or is it the upbringing we give them?

For years and decades I have been reading about the sporadic incidents of eve-teasing, molestation and harassment of women in different places and cultures. Of late, thanks to social media, a big uproar is created, and people even come on to the roads with placards and justifiable anger and protests. The poor police is often made the scapegoats, whether they use force or whether they keep quiet.

I have very often wondered why we are not looking at a long term solution. As Prime Minister Mr. Modi said, "we ask our daughters where they were, but we do not ask our sons where they were and what they were doing."

Can we not begin by giving a better orientation to the little boys around us while they are still in their innocence? Anyone taking the lead, I am willing to join.

Most of us were born after India gained independence, so we have not experienced what it is like to live under the control of a foreign power. When we go around a totally free, democratic, secular and unrestricted gigantic nation, we perhaps cannot visualize what it must have been to be asked to crawl on certain roads because the Britishers felt offended by the ‘natives’, or what it was to see signboards reading “Dogs and Indians not Allowed” in our own nation.

The one very important festival that binds us together whether we are Hindu, Christian, Muslim, Sikh, atheist or Banjara is our Independence Day. Let us not only celebrate this great day with all enthusiasm and from the heart, but let the spirit of Independence continue in our hearts many days after 15th August is over. Let us cherish and protect this freedom from restrictive practices, internal and external threats, and even from our own narrow-minded thoughts if they occur.

Guru Purnima - What really is a Guru?

Guru Purnima came and went last month. Even the full moon was a little dull due to cloudy weather. I received many messages of gratitude and appreciation that warmed my heart – though personally I don’t believe that I have really been a Guru as such.

Which made me think – what really is a Guru? Is it just the teachers who taught us through text books, is it the religious wise men who give sermons, is it the person who coaches you when you have exams and sees that you pass? Surprisingly my best and most effective gurus have been none of these – they have been people who encouraged me to think for myself, motivated me to progress without them being my crutches, cheered me on when I was doing something nice, and stood by me when I faltered.

Some of my gurus have also been my worst critics who made all efforts to pull me down, and in the process lit a spark of determination in me that I should prove them wrong!

Many a time we do not realize how much we are learning from different people, leave alone acknowledging and appreciating them for what they have given us! Shall we start doing it now at least?

When I write, I do so for myself

Sometimes people appreciate what I write, at times they say they do not understand, and some just ignore because they are too busy to read trivia. Of course in this age of Instagram and Twitter, perhaps reading a few paragraphs, and that too on paper and not on the mobile, must be quite a task to many people. But that does not discourage me, because I write for myself…..

I have always held the view that it is better to love than to be loved. Not many agree with me, at least not in practice. But I believe that when I love I am in control of myself, I am choosing to do what makes me happy. I am not dependent on anyone, not even on the person I love. Hence life is so much smoother and fulfilling.

Similarly, when I write I am bringing out my thoughts. Why should it be important to me whether others choose to read, agree, criticize, condemn, or as in most cases ……ignore? If you are reading this, don’t evaluate my expression. Use it to create thoughts and ideas of your own – and share it with others. You may have much more and better things to say than me, and there may be people who appreciate your inputs.

Expectations are not a straight line….

'Expectations' is a very inevitable part of our life, each day starts with some or other expectation. We have various relationships and we have expectations from every relationship!

Father, mother, brother, sister, friends, husband, wife, uncle, and aunty, so on & on…. Some expect as responsibility, love, duty, “because I did this to you why not do for me”…. etc.

There has been a longlasting high degree of expectation from this relation of parents & children. All of us agree the degree of sacrice each parent takes up in g i v i n g b i r t h t o t h e children and to educate t h em t o b e a b l e & capable persons to lead a comfortable life, is phenomenal. Yes, Mother Nature has put this in our life... a circle which is never incomplete… today's parents are tomorrow's grandparents & today's children are tomorrow's parents. In this relationship knowing that I will be a father tomorrow, the children still do not fulll their responsibilities to the parents. These parents in turn crib that their child is not taking care of them, all this again there is something called EXPECTATIONS.

There are arguments that only when you expect, you get disappointed, so better not to expect anything from any one. Sounds good & right… isn't it… But can we really keep quiet without any expectations from our near and dear?

Maybe we can rationalize our expectations, balancing the priorities between parents (Duties as son) wife (forthcoming life with wife & child) one cannot be only towards one side. As parents we need to be proactive to be selfsuf cient nancially, not emptying our earnings, keep it for our last days.

You can be done with any relationship if you do not want but the marriage relationship is different. Expectations are very high in this relationship since there is only one individual in the relationship to fulll the expectations. This is one to one relationship, unlike siblings, friends etc.

Married relationship has that kind of ownership expectations. He or she belongs to me. Sometimes it's too suffocating, because anything more is poison. All need to have their own space, and expectations often turn out to be the demands. Most common expectations are: He or she does not spend enough time with me, does not love the same as earlier, has lost interest, does not care for me etc.

Many times we live in our expectations framed by our own expectations, like I expect my husband to be like this, or wife to be like this, but the fact is whether he or she is wired for it. M a n y t i m e s o u r expectations are borrowed, looking at the others we frame our expectations. A couple behaves closely in a public place, seen by other couple, the expectations relate & start expectations why can't we be so… examples can be in hundreds.

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