MC and sister is pregnant

With Thanksgiving tomorrow and my anxiety running high I wanted to reach out in hopes someone could relate. I had a MC (miscarriage) at the end of Oct and a D&E on Oct 26th. I am really struggling with this loss and so is my husband. About a week after my D&E I found out my sister was pregnant and due just one day before I was. I really did not handle this news well. I found out over a text and I haven't been able to let go of the anger/resentment since. I sent her a letter explaining our pregnancy journey, our loss, my fears and feelings about being around her. I am truly happy for her and love her, but I feel my feelings are very tender and raw. Since my letter I've heard input positive and negative from my family. No one seems to truly understand how I'm feeling. I am in therapy and trying to work through everything. Thanksgiving is tomorrow and my husband and I have decided to spend the day alone with our four year old son. I'm relieved and I'm excited about our plans. I just don't know how to move forward with my sister and the rest of my family. It feels as if they want me to just smile and say everything is fine and back to normal, but it's not. I'm trying to find a new normal. Is there anyone out there they has been through this? Any help I'd be grateful!

Comments (10)

First I am so sorry for your loss. You are not alone. I did not have a sister pregnant at the same time but I did have three coworkers...two I worked with on a daily basis and my best friend's daughter was pregnant as well. It has been a real struggle seeing their bellies grow and now they are all starting to have their babies. I was due Jan 12th right behind them. I can tell you that time takes away some of the hurt and when you start to process everything you won't resent her as much but you will still miss your baby. I have been very honest with my friends and family. I am pretty easy to read though so people usually know when something is bothering me. My advice is just to sit your sister down and tell her how you are feeling....because what you are feeling Is perfectly normal. You lost your baby. Eventually you will be able to celebrate with her but right now it hurts too much. Take time to greive....it takes a while to get over. I am almost 5 months out from my loss and it does get better. The hardest part for me was the showers and when my best friend's daughter had her baby boy. Once I worked through it though I was fine. Just communicate your feelings and don't feel bad for being sad. It's ok to not be ok it is just not ok to stay there. Hugs to you and prayers for you and your family. Hang in there it will get better.

First I am so sorry for your loss. You are not alone. I did not have a sister...

Posted
11/29/2015

First I am so sorry for your loss. You are not alone. I did not have a sister pregnant at the same time but I did have three coworkers...two I worked with on a daily basis and my best friend's daughter was pregnant as well. It has been a real struggle seeing their bellies grow and now they are all starting to have their babies. I was due Jan 12th right behind them. I can tell you that time takes away some of the hurt and when you start to process everything you won't resent her as much but you will still miss your baby. I have been very honest with my friends and family. I am pretty easy to read though so people usually know when something is bothering me. My advice is just to sit your sister down and tell her how you are feeling....because what you are feeling Is perfectly normal. You lost your baby. Eventually you will be able to celebrate with her but right now it hurts too much. Take time to greive....it takes a while to get over. I am almost 5 months out from my loss and it does get better. The hardest part for me was the showers and when my best friend's daughter had her baby boy. Once I worked through it though I was fine. Just communicate your feelings and don't feel bad for being sad. It's ok to not be ok it is just not ok to stay there. Hugs to you and prayers for you and your family. Hang in there it will get better.

Thank you so much for your response. I'm very sorry for your loss too. I said to my husband tonight "Do you think we will feel true happiness again?" We both agreed that we will. It is terrible feeling this way... Definitely a roller coaster of emotions. Sadness hits me at random times. Thank you again... Your words helped me so much.❤️

I am so sorry Ur going thru this...I can't imagine...I did not go thru the same...however I was diagnosed w infertility due to pcos...it has been hard putting on a smile and being happy for everyone else...it just decided to not do it anymore and focus on my for a while. .that's when I got pregnant. I was so excited and ready to not feel so much resentment and then I lost him at 8w3d...it has been really tough...it know a little of what Ur going thru...it think u did the right thing to explain to Ur sister but everyone will have an opinion and they r entitled but this is Ur situation and Ur loss. U have every right to deal w it as u wish...take some time for urself and don't feel like u have to do anything...it time everyone will understand a little better...so sorry for Ur loss...prayers

I was in a very similar situation last year. Missed miscarriage in October, followed by a d&c and a month later my sister in law gave birth to her son. Getting through it was just a matter of staying away and distant until I felt I could handle it. I know what you mean about people thinking you should behave as of everything is fine. My dad would call me to check in and see how I was doing and then he'd just talk about my sil's pregnancy and the baby, I resented seeing his name pop up on my caller id. It's been a year and I can tell you that it does get better and you will find happiness again and that doesn't mean forgetting your little angel. You just need to give yourself time to grieve and time away from things and people that are upsetting.

I was in a very similar situation last year. Missed miscarriage in October, f...

Posted
12/08/2015

I was in a very similar situation last year. Missed miscarriage in October, followed by a d&c and a month later my sister in law gave birth to her son. Getting through it was just a matter of staying away and distant until I felt I could handle it. I know what you mean about people thinking you should behave as of everything is fine. My dad would call me to check in and see how I was doing and then he'd just talk about my sil's pregnancy and the baby, I resented seeing his name pop up on my caller id. It's been a year and I can tell you that it does get better and you will find happiness again and that doesn't mean forgetting your little angel. You just need to give yourself time to grieve and time away from things and people that are upsetting.

Thank you. I'm sorry for your loss too. It's been 6 weeks today and I still cry at least once a day. I'm still in a lot of pain and the holidays feel like a double edged sword. I know it won't always feel this bad, but I wish I was able to look into the future and see when we will feel relief from our grief. ❤️ It's so comforting to read everyone's comments. I'm eternally grateful.

I'm very sorry for your loss. With my first miscarriage, I had been super excited that my good friend and I were due within a couple weeks of each other. She told me she was pregnant when I was 7 weeks and I was so thrilled to tell her I was too. I had all these images of us going through all the stages together, taking belly photos together, blah blah.....and then I miscarried 2 weeks later. Not only was I devastated by my loss, but I was sad for what this meant for our friendship....that we wouldn't get to walk this path together, that she might be reluctant to share her joy with me. It was just really a bummer. I had two other friends turn up pregnant, sharing my due date also. It was quite the year for baby showers. Ugh. And it sucked knowing that they probably felt sad for me being at their showers. It's hard all around. The only advice I have is to hold both yourself and your sister in a compassionate place. If she's a sensitive person and open to talking at some point, see if you can talk together about how this impacts both of you. There's really no solution but at least you can try to keep it from feeling like there's an elephant in the living room. I think it's great you were able to write that letter. And as far as family members who don't get it and think you should smile and get on with it, I'd say just try to ignore and avoid them for a while. You need time to grieve and heal at your own pace.

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