This House Is Ready For Zombies

This House Is Ready For ZombiesReviewed by C. S. Magor on Apr 27Rating:

I am in the process of building a house. I have secured it against earthquakes – it has 33 or so 600mm wide pylons connecting it to bedrock. If the ground liquefies in a monster quake – it’ll still be good. The foundations are way stronger than they need to be and the wooden frame and choice of wall materials give it plenty of flex. I should be fine in the big one that is overdue in my part of Japan (just in case you were worried or anything).

Seeing this concrete behemoth I am starting to wish that I gave a swarm of brain-hungry undead a little thought. I would love a drawbridge, and concrete shutters – and what I would love most of all would be activating all that security every night… just to point out the woeful inadequacy of my neighbors’ zombie defenses, while I laugh cry myself to sleep on a bed of money.

“The most essential item for our clients was acquiring the feeling of maximum security,” begins the designers’ website in the summary of the structure. Who wouldn’t feel safe in a concrete rectangle that folds in upon itself to become completely sealed? Even the windows are covered with a slab of concrete when the structure is on nap time.

The house, with its movable walls, has only one entrance, which is located on the second floor after crossing a drawbridge. Seems like the perfect opportunity to use a flamethrower and defend the life of your family, while stylishly nesting in a piece of architectural elitism.

About the author: C. S. Magor

C.S. Magor is the editor-in-chief and reporter at large for Uberreview and We Interrupt. He currently resides in a sleepy basin town in the Japanese countryside - where both his bank balance and the lack of space in his home are testament to his addiction to all things shiny.