WOW WOW WEDNESDAYS!

As you all know, we’ve got a brand new menu and because we’re so excited/braggy about it, we want to show it off. And what better way than bribing you to try it? Just look at all the ways you can get free food from us on Wednesdays in May:

THIS Wednesday, May 5th (It’s Cinco de Mayo so you have to come. It’s the law.) When you make any purchase and say the secret password “Nachos,” you get a coupon for a FREE plain nachos (one of our fabulous new menu items) with any other purchase on your next visit.

Wednesday, May 12th: We’ll be spunkily giving out free samples of the world’s freshest salsa (ours?whose did you think?) and when you take a sample you get a coupon for a FREE Chips and Salsa on your next visit.

Wednesday, May 19th: Try a sample of our new, unbelievably delicious guacamole and we’ll give you a coupon for a FREE Chips and Guac on your next visit. It’s so good it makes me cry. (The guac, not the coupon.)

Wednesday, May 26th: Try a sample of our perfectly marinated chicken breasts or our 100% USDA Sirloin Steak and we’ll give you a coupon for FREE Double Meat on your next visit.
Do you get the feeling we want you to try our food? All of these coupons are good for 6 days after they?re issued, so make sure you use them right away. If all goes as planned, we?ll see you 8 times in May. Yee-ha! (Pretend that you want to spend that much time with us.)
Click here to check out our new menu, you spunky little sampler, you.

GOOD NEWS!

In the past we’ve identified certain medical conditions that can occur from eating at California Tortilla, but we’ve never had a definitive answer on how to overcome those conditions. Until now.

After extensive research and many complicated lab experiments (much of it involving your DNA) we have solutions for even the toughest problems. Ready?

Traumatic Table Turmoil: This is the feeling of utter despair you get when you’re in line and you realize that the one open table you’ve had your eye on has been taken.

Solution: Sit on the offending party’s laps. This is guaranteed to make them move–or call the police. Either way they’ll get up.

Obsessive Compulsive Brownie Behavior: This is when you feel you must go through each and every brownie several times over, trying to decide which one is the best.

Solution: Before purchasing a brownie, take a bite out of each one.

Ticket Out of Order Panic Disorder: This is the panicky feeling you get when a ticket number higher than yours is called and you’re sure that since we’ve gone past your number we’ll refuse to make your order, even though we’ve taken your money.

Solution: Flail your arms wildly so as to bring attention to yourself. A manager, who is trained to spot this secret cue, will then come over and explain to you that since you ordered a quesadilla they sometimes take a little longer than orders taken after yours that don’t have quesadillas.

Legumeaphobia: This is the irrational fear that instead of pushing the “no beans” button, the diabolical spunky cashier will push a button that says, “Make with extra beans and make sure they’re really mushy.”

Solution: Unfortunately, you’ll just have to live with this fear for the rest of your life. Welcome to my world.

Other Restaurant Panic Attack: This is the sheer terror that you feel when you’re eating out at another restaurant and you look up and see a spunky Cal Tort employee staring at you through the window. (Because that’s so polite.)

Solution: Never, ever eat at any place but California Tortilla.

So there you have it, folks–solutions for medical conditions that you never even knew existed. How handy is that?

HAPPY…

Mother’s Day, fellow mothers! Put down the 43,000 things in your hands (seriously, how many things can one person be expected to hold?) and give yourself a high-five.

AND FINALLY…

Did you know that California Tortilla is on Facebook? Not only do we post secret promotions, contests and fun facts just for our Facebook users, but now we have a new application built by our pals at Proven Commerce (we have brunch with them every Sunday). This new feature allows you to send virtual food items to all of your Facebook pals. Plus we’ll give out rewards from time to time to people who send out lots of food (hint hint). So the next time you don’t have anything to do at work, send Grandma a California Screamin’ Burrito–she’ll love it.