Hasselhoff Drunk Again

David Hasselhoff was reportedly booted from Wimbledon yesterday for being drunk and disorderly:

The 53-year-old actor – who has battled alcohol problems in the past – was reportedly ejected by security guards after he tried to barge into a private players’ bar at the London club while intoxicated.

What is wrong with this world?! It wouldn’t have been David that was drunk, it would have been the onlookers who were “intoxicated” by his beauty. His radiating aura may have made him appear like he was slurring, stumbling and violent. The reports that he was a drooling mess must be false, perhaps his adoring fans drooled on him and made it appear he was drooling, or maybe he caught sight of himself in the mirror and was drunk on his own reflection.

It is a rare person who can stay sober in the presence of David Hasselhoff!