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Sunday, 28 January 2018

An exciting day in London!

After seeing a Tweet on Tuesday saying that the BBC were looking for young people dealing with Anxiety about talking on the phone to take part in a documentary I took the chance and replied!

As soon I as I replied saying I was interested, I was instantly filled with nerves. Could I do it if I was chosen? Would I manage to get myself to London? I was contacted with all the details and was invited to be interviewed on Friday!

Leading up to it, I was full of anxiety and my mind was going into over drive. What if this will turn out to be another thing that I agree to and just don't show up because my nerves get the better of me? The night before I tried to calm myself down, had a hot bubble bath and took myself to bed with YouTube!

My time to be there was 11:30am. So, I set my alarm, got up, got ready and my brother dropped me at the station. I don't think I had much time to think about what I was about to do while I was getting ready as it hit me when I was standing outside the station by myself! What am I doing? I can't go into London by myself!! Go home! Abort mission!! ABORT!!
Nope! I wasn't going to do it! I was not going to let my anxiety get in the way and prohibit me from doing another thing I wanted to do! So, on the train I went to Waterloo. From Waterloo I then took myself to the tube where I had one change to make it to Russell Square station. Having my music on full blast and the fact that it wasn't rush hour/busy definitely took some pressure away from the journey. I was proud of myself for making it that far! I'm doing it! Look at me!! I was thinking.

I was doing well, until I was too awkward to jump in the lift from the Underground to the exit, so decided to take the stairs. 175 steps.. can't be that bad, surely?! Oh, how wrong I was!! I was the leader of about 10 people behind me, so I had no choice but to keep going on those winding, never ending flights of steps! My heart was pounding and I was concentrating so hard on trying to keep my breathing in control. Obviously, being as unfit as I am didn't help, but I got the horrible feeling in my chest that I could go into a panic at any second. You're nearly there, keep going. Luckily, there was a small bit where I could dip out and let everyone over take me. I stood there for a couple of minutes just getting my heartbeat down and carried on... only to realise I was about 10 steps from the bloody top anyway!! Oh well, better to calm down alone than with an audience at the station exit!

So, out of Russell Square station I went, and made my way to the venue. I went in, found the room I was to be interviewed in, and without realising walked in behind the lady that was being interviewed before me! Oops!! After they were finished with her, it was time for me to go in. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I'm doing this. What am I doing!? I can't do this. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!!! They were all very friendly, welcoming and took some of my nerves away. They took the time to explain that what I was doing was to be part of a BBC Ideas online documentary about people who get anxiety about talking on the phone, their experiences and why they prefer to use instant messaging and social media to communicate! Lighting, camera and sound tests were done, then it was time to roll!

I can't really remember what I was asked or what I replied as it sort of went by in a haze. Plus, I don't think my nerves helped! I tried to just be myself and answer the questions as openly and honestly as I could. After the questions were asked, I couldn't believe how quickly it had gone! I'd done it!! I was able to relax a bit more but then I was asked if I was able to stick around to do some more filming outside! I agreed. I was already there, what have I got to lose now? So I went to grab a drink while they interviewed someone else, then got the message that they were done. Round two here we go!!

Arriving back at the building, they told me they were moving to another location not too far away and I could jump in a cab with them. We took a short trip to Holborn (I think!) and went into another building. Again, lighting, camera and sound checks were done and off I went again answering more questions and revisiting previous questions I had been asked! I finished up, grabbed my stuff, professionally shook hands and it was time to go home! By this point it was coming up to 3 o'clock so I was glad I was going to miss the evening rush!

With all the buzz and the absolute emotional high I was on, I quickly realised that I have no idea where I was and I had no clue as to how to get home! I tried to use Google Maps to locate the nearest tube stations to get back to Waterloo. But, after standing there for about 10 minutes getting a bit frustrated, I decided to jump on the bus! I thoroughly enjoyed it! It was such a lovely change from going via the tube as I was able to see all the sights of London! I got to Waterloo, had just enough time to grab a sandwich from the shop before my train (I realised I hadn't eaten anything since 9am!), then as quickly as the day had begun, I was headed home! My brother picked me up again and I couldn't wait to get in and tell him and my dad all about my day!

I still can't believe I did it. I went to London alone! Nothing too stressful, no major hiccups and all in all, a successful, exciting day! I'm so proud of myself. I took the chance and just went for it! I've really shown myself that I can do things. I can take exciting opportunities and experience new things! I really was on such an emotional high!! It's given me a lot of motivation for 2018 to just go for it! While there will be the bad days/weeks/months (that's living with a mental illness for ya!), I will welcome the good times and use them to my advantage! I will say YES to opportunities and smash any goals I set myself! While it's an every day thing for lots of people, I thought to myself if I can go into London alone, I can do ANYTHING!

So now I'll be waiting to see when the documentary comes out and how it turns out!

Thank you for reading this rather lengthy post! I hope you enjoyed it and I hope that you are able to say 'yes' more this year! :)

Be sure to follow me on Twitter here to keep up to date with my posts and when the documentary comes out!