Thursday, July 19, 2007

The BBC,according to The Daily Mash:EVERYTHING broadcast across the BBC network is a deliberate and malicious falsehood, director general Mark Thompson confirmed last night.Thompson apologised to licence payers after an internal investigation found that editors and producers had been making everything up for at least three years.The admission comes after a BBC documentary about the Queen was exposed as a fake. The producers were denied access to the monarch and instead used a 65 year-old man dressed in a Barbour jacket and a tiara.Because of budget cuts, said Thompson, BBC cookery programmes have been unable to use real food since 2005 and were instead using ingredients made from mashed-up leaves.

Thompson also revealed that Jonathon Ross, the BBC's highest paid entertainer, was nothing more than a "jumped-up researcher with a dirty mouth". Meanwhile BBC news will be overhauled after veteran newsreader Peter Sissons was found to be broadcasting his own fictional bulletins, scribbled down hastily at a curry house in Shepherd's Bush.

EXPOSING THOSE BBC LIES IN FULL: Britain is NOT being taken over by Moroccans Your fridge is NOT full of wasps The Queen did NOT ask Gordon Brown to stop staring at her chest Blue Peter IS a front for selling prescription painkillers.

'I didn't do it' Says Master B. Simpson when asked why the BBC broadcast things that were not quite true.But in a shock twist, a few years ago, my fridge was full of wasps.Blimey.Countdown to actually riding a bike - soon.