I have been really bad at posting for a while now. This is mainly due to the fact that I never have time, and my life is extremely boring right now. I work ALL the time. Almost literally. I go to school early in the morning, I come home for like an hour, and then I go work 8 hour shifts at the local grocery store. Once I get home I basically just do homework, and then die on my bed until I have to be up early again the next day. It’s a vicious cycle. My main source of entertainment now comes from the customers that go through my line. Here are a few different types of customers:

The Habitual Customer– This is the customer that comes at the same time (i.e. every Monday) and buys essentially the exact same items every week. My favorite habitual customer is the truck driver who comes through once every 2 weeks. He always buys the same thing, and breaks into random Mickey Mouse impressions at odd intervals. He is extremely weird, but highly entertaining. Another example of this is the customer I call pleated shorts guy. He comes EVERYDAY. Really. I always see him, and he usually wears those nice work shorts and a polo even though it’s winter.

The Over-Sharing Customer– This customer somehow translates a friendly “How are you today?” to mean “Please tell me everything about your life!!!! In detail!!!!” It’s amazing some of the things people are willing to tell some random stranger across the counter. As I scan their groceries I learn about divorces, financial trouble, how much they hate their in laws, court proceedings, their children’s grades, the list goes on! These customers can be really entertaining, but they often hold up your line, and make the people behind them grumpy. Sometimes it’s worth it.

The Husband Shopper– This customer is a husband with a list written in suspiciously girly handwriting, and no idea where to find anything on the list or in most cases even exactly what that list item is. Conversations with these shoppers usually go like this “Do you know where the juice isle is?” “Yes I do! Are you looking for frozen concentrate juice or bottled juice?” “Um…. * panicked look* one second…. *pulls out phone and frantically starts dialing wife*” I find these shoppers to be hilarious.

The Sunday Shopper– Sunday customers are different than other days of the week. You can pretty much split the Sunday Shoppers up into 3 groups. People wearing church clothes, people wearing pajamas, and people with tattoos (not sure why there are more tattooed shoppers on Sunday).

The Rude Customer– This customer is pretty self explanatory, and no fun at all. They either get mad at things out of my control (usually prices) or they just answer all your questions in a grumpy voice, and when you tell them to have a nice day they say “Ok.” instead of “Thank you!” or “You too!” Luckily most customers don’t fall into this category.

The Technologically Impaired Customer Trying to Use the Self-Checkout– If you fall under this category it might be easier for all parties involved for you just to go through a regular checkout line.

The Couponing Customer– These customers spend a lot of time cutting up little bits of newspaper and buying 10 of everything. It’s no big deal most of the time, but sometimes it gets a little extreme and can be annoying. Although I have been pretty impressed by how much money they can save.

The Cell Phone Customer– This customer can not be bothered to set their cell phone down for two minutes in order to complete their transaction leading me to have to use some form of unofficial sign language and mouth words to them. One step worse: The Bluetooth Customer (Not only are they otherwise engaged, but it always takes a second before I figure out they aren’t talking to me, and it gets confusing).

The Jokester- This customer is always good. Either they are actually funny and you laugh or they are actually not funny and you laugh after they leave. Either way you end up laughing so I say it’s good. There is the cutest little old man who comes in and tells me a joke every time. It’s usually something along the lines of “What did the tie say to the hat? … You go on ahead, I’ll just hang around”. Sort of like something you would read on a popsicle stick or something, but I love it when he comes in.