well 3 days later

After much deliberation and being real with myself I decided to get rid of fetlife. Its great for folks with different strokes but I realize it is something that I did not want. I wanted something deeper than a partner and I needed to love myself. And understand and be at peace with it. For me I am a Asexual but beimg a little can be very sexual for me. And I was ashamed of it. Like I wanted to cut off that part. I realize that I cant. But I still want to make it nonsexual or for the most part. And I want someone to love me for who I am. And even though this is one of my biggest insecurity it is a part of me. And I pray one day I will find that person. So I need to be more open with myself. And understand not everyone is ok with it. But this is my life and I have to take control of it.