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Monday, January 11, 2010

things are hard!!

I wish that I didn't have to write that buts its true. i feel someone catapulted my life into a black hole and my reality has been turned upside down.

Things just seem to keep getting harder and harder.

Last week the school started getting yucky again. First they refused to do a communication log. They said that writing in his planner if there is a need would be enough. They have never written in the planner. So I called and talked with the sped teacher. First she said if things were bad they would for sure let me know. then I went on to tell her how bad they have been at home and she responded that he has definitely regressed at school and its all because we got a nurse for him at school. They feel like he just thinks he doesn't have to work. Let me tell you I am sick to death of that attitude from them. I told her I felt like he was in a regression and it started when he had the hour and half unconscious event at school. So I go to pick Jeremiah up Friday afternoon and his teacher is there waiting to talk with me. She also said hes regressing and that she noticed it started the same time as the nurse did. ( big eye roll). HE had a horrible day on Friday. I went ahead and took him to er for blood work. During all this I was emailing Dr koh back and forth and her answer was to take him and have him admitted to the kids psych unit. That one did not go over well with me and I sent a few more emails back saying no way is this psychiatric, kids do not lose speech bec they are crazy. I am sick of this. Bottom line that came out of those emails is that we have tried everything and there is nothing left to try and they think its just residual. I just have to live with it. It does not concern them bec they have written us off. It drives me crazy inside. All weekend long my insides have been shaking because i have been so very upset.

So here the low down, Jeremiah is having a huge struggle understanding things that Chris and I are saying to him about everyday life. He is not dressing, not grooming himself, not able to do schoolwork for us, no eating (lots 3 pounds the last few weeks) vomiting when he does eat, not sleeping, losing skills he learned at school, totally in his own world, angry, aggressive, absolutely no attention span, not even that of a 2 year old. He so totally falling apart. I took him to ped dr today and she took me seriously. She is running a whole bunch of blood work.

What am I suppose to do. And this is the time the school decided to throw the IEP out the window and get nasty. I cant stand it. I dont need this. I want to be happy and stress free. i want to enjoy my kids not always be freaking out on them because I am stressed to the max. I want to enjoy a beautiful day like today and not be knots all over inside and out.

I know that God is here and that he hears my cry. I know that he is fighting for Jeremiah too. I am so very ready for this to be over. I feel really sick inside about the whole thing and I am scared to death what the future holds. I so hope we get to ucla before its too late and the damage is permanent.