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Right now, a dream scenario would be to have scenes between Nina and Dr. Olbrecht. The two together would chew the paint off the scenery, and it would be completely amusing and delightful. Of course, this doesn’t mean we condone their antics. But they sure are fun to watch.

Most of the week was the Nina show, and the background behind her rapid descent into Heather-Webber Town. We don’t know what level of instability Nina had before her coma, but she is definitely off the rails now. Apparently she’s been awake and mobile long enough to have made a trip to Port Charles during Britt and Nikolas’ engagement-party debacle. Upon learning that Silas had moved on with Sam, she took a trip to his apartment and trashed it (and cardboard boxes) with a crowbar.

Now Nina is out for revenge. Her partner in cahoots, Rosalie (not really a nurse), gets to listen to her rant about those who have wronged her. The list includes Madeline (for drugging her), Silas (for cheating), Sam (for being “four and a half feet of pouty cleavage”), Ava (for being a whore), and Kiki (just for existing). First on her agenda is to take down Sam and Silas’ burgeoning relationship.

During Silas and Sam’s date, Nina calls Silas and cries that she has fallen and can’t get up. She tells Silas that Rosalie isn’t there and she needs him. Silas cuts short his date with Sam and hightails it home, where he finds Nina hilariously sprawled out on the living room floor. Rosalie returns from the Floating Rib and Silas starts to take her to task, but instead she goes off on him for gallivanting about town with Sam. Nina defends Silas, but Rosalie keeps going. Silas is completely snowed. But Sam, along with Alexis and Patrick, already has doubts about the damsel in distress.

Meanwhile, Dr. Olbrecht is kicking her plan to help Britt win Nikolas back into gear. She shows her daughter a PowerPoint presentation, complete with shirtless photos of Nikolas, frumpy Nurse Liz and a bikini-clad Britt. Britt is alternately horrified and amused by her muddah’s plan, until a photo of a gun shows up on the screen. Olbrecht clarifies that they need not kill Liz, but must neutralize her. Nikolas walks in and sees Liz’s image on the screen and wants to know what is going on. Britt defuses the situation by speaking up for Liz and demanding her mother rehire the fired nurse. Nikolas is grateful, and it seems as though Britt’s first seed toward reconciliation might be planted.

Bar-glass sellers everywhere are about to hit an unexpected recession. In light of Ava’s pregnancy, Sonny has opted to stop smashing barware and remove all liquor from his home after she taunts him by suggesting she have a drink. He’s determined to keep her healthy during her pregnancy so, you know, he can kill her afterward.

Carly is front and center for much of the Ava-Sonny showdown this week, which leads Franco to work up some jealousy over his flame being so close to her four-time ex-husband. Carly’s reassurances fall on deaf ears once Franco spies the exes hugging in the park. Franco tries to threaten Sonny with his knowledge of A.J.’s shooting, but Sonny basically laughs him off. Franco’s ego is bruised, so he hightails it to Michael’s office, telling him he has some important information to share.

Levi continues his mission to become the most grating character this week. Despite convincing Maxie that Nathan’s claims that Levi called the judge are baseless, we later see that he did exactly that. Next up on his agenda is trying to block ELQ’s revitalization project, under the guise of humanitarian work. He and Maxie charge into Bobbie’s old brownstone to demand that Morgan and Kiki stop what they are doing. Because when Michael put Morgan in charge of the project, he apparently meant for Morgan to scrape the walls himself.

And we finally get some movement on the “who ran Patrick and Sabrina off the road” story, as Sam and Patrick delve into the investigation. Once again, the PCPD is shown to be useless as Sam immediately zeroes in on some black paint on the guardrail at the crash scene. They head over to a local body shop, where Patrick tells the story of Gabriel’s death to get the worker to let them look at computer records. Sam spies something on the computer that makes her utter, “Oh my God.” Will it actually be the increasingly nervous Rafe’s name?

Expression Of JoyThe Brady Bunch: Groovy! The Bradys: Ritual hugging Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.” Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you? The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…” The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been) Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!” Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?” The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical ProblemThe Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen. The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed. Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents. Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer. The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical SolutionThe Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens. The Bradys: Bobby gets married. Married…With Children: They hate him. Thirtysomething: If only we knew… The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

Attitude Toward SexThe Brady Bunch: Never heard of it The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it! Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No. Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident. The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses FightThe Brady Bunch: They don’t. The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens Married…With Children: Tooth and nail Thirtysomething: They stop talking The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into TroubleThe Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette. The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair. Married…With Children: By committing felonies Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket. The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.” The Bradys ”Next time, ask.” Married…With Children: By the authorities Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face. The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For FunThe Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon The Bradys: Has flashbacks Married…With Children: Exchanges insults Thirtysomething: Talks The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved MysteriesThe Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die? The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use? Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other? The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst BehaviorThe Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

Best Reason To WatchThe Brady Bunch: This is what life should be. The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now! Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it. Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life. The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To WatchThe Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses. The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now. Married…With Children: She has a point. Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real. The Flintstones: The Simpsons