Justin Bieber’s Mom Hasn’t Had Sex Since the Clinton Administration

If a teenager ever had a reason to say “Mo-om!” in horror, it's Justin Bieber right now -- because his mother just told Ellen DeGeneres and her entire viewing audience that she hasn’t had sex in 16 years.

Pattie Mallette, the 37-year-old single mom who spawned the superstar, told Ellen on national television that when she was 21, she made a vow not to have sex again until she was married. And, despite the fact that she hasn’t been able to make a love connection since then, she says she's sticking to that promise.

“Honestly, I take that vow really seriously,” she told DeGeneres. “I wrote it down on a piece of paper and I had someone witness it. It means a lot. I made it this far. I’m not stopping now.” (A priest could seriously take notes from this woman.)

One of the reasons she hasn’t found a partner is that she also vowed to focus on Justin and not start dating until he was 18. But since the pop idol is legal now, gentlemen, start your engines.

Ellen offered to help a sissah out by putting potential suitors through an interview process, and by giving Pattie a six-month Match.com membership. And, she told the cold-shower champ, “If it doesn’t work, I’ll renew it for six more.”

Bravo and A&E, listen up: This might make the next great reality show.