#13. "Screw Your Boat Race, I'm Outta Here"

We'd like to think that if you were in a speed boat race and Jesus called you to walk out on the water, he'd be cool with you slowing down first. At least for the safety of the other drivers.

Of course, in reality, the photo just captured this guy a split second before tumbling horribly into the water at inhuman speeds. According to a source that talked to the dude in the hospital afterward, all he was concerned about during his recovery was how to make one of his friend's speed boats go faster. Way to learn from your mistakes there, buddy.

#12. Yes, That's a Dog

Yes, an actual living dog. The above monstrosity is from the Super Groom competition, where the boundaries of animal abuse get relaxed, if only for a day. It's basically the Ace of Cakes of dog grooming, complete with what appears to be an airbrush paint job.

#11. I Didn't Want "Instant," That's Gross

Despite our desire to keep our lunches down, we looked into this one a little further and discovered that it's a real product, made in China and elsewhere.

It turns out that Jew's Ear is a colloquial (and somewhat politically incorrect) name for a fungus also known as "jelly ear," which doesn't sound any more appetizing. We've squinted at the window in the packaging to figure out what the hell that stuff actually looks like. All we know is it doesn't make us want to eat it more.

#10. The Reason Your Car Insurance Rates Keep Going Up

Behold The Uno: a one-wheeler motorcycle invented by an 18-year-old. That's right, while you spent your senior year of high school trying to get a peek up the cheerleaders' skirts at basketball games, this dude went out there and completed some engineering slick enough to make every Segway owner jealous.

It operates just by tilting your weight forward or back to accelerate. Now we'd just like to see him pop a wheelie.

#9. What Icebergs Do to Hide Their Holiday Weight

Yes, that's a real iceberg and no, it hasn't been painted. These icebergs were observed off the coast of South Africa. It turns out those stripes are caused by sediment or even dead krill getting trapped in the ice in layers over time.

We'd like to think of the process as deliberate, with the krill submitting themselves for cryogenic freezing until somebody invents a cure for being a tiny little shrimp. Hopefully technology won't let them down.