It's time for the teen moms to sit down with someone who really cares about remaining kind of relevant them. Welcome to the reunion special with Dr. Drew, where he promises to further exploit -- but never solve -- any problem in an hour flat.

After four seasons of this show, it's obvious that the only reality check Jenelle's gotten has been the direct deposit kind. Recently, Jenelle was arrested for possession of heroin and assaulting her husband. I must admit, every time I see her name, I worry that it's going to be attached to an obituary.

Though Jenelle "just needs to focus on" herself, she'd like to also have a boyfriend at the same time. Duh, it's not like "focus on herself" means "be alone," it just means "be with the lesser of two evils" and also do soul-searching in the form of Kieffer and marijuana.

Gary seems to think that one week of engagement is the "wood" anniversary, 'cause he kicked in Jenelle's front door like a total psycho. As Jenelle surveys the upsetting scene, she tells the story of their fight with a strange smirk ...

When Gary returns, he and Jenelle bring Jace to some sort of pirate convention. It seems very fun in the way that glorifying criminal violence at sea is. I'm going to guess Jenelle was drawn by the promise of a "bottle of rum."

Jenelle is far too busy preparing for her glorious exit from the prestigious Itty Bitty Titty Committee to visit her son. She's also having a hard time deciding between a different set of boobs: Kieffer and Gary.

Since Chelsea's finally shed her uterine lining, she's also lost her inhibitions. Now that she's a woman (again), she feels ready to bring her mother into the red tent of her soul. In other words: She tells her mom that she banged Adam and thought she was knocked up!

Since Jenelle's off probation in a matter of days and her mom fears the worst, she heads over to Bahhbrahh's house for a chat. Bahhbrahh is unloading literally the biggest Olive Garden bag I have ever seen, further solidifying her as the best person on this show, and potentially in the world.

Because it's Chelsea's first day at Black Plague Beauty School, she's going all out with her makeup. She's purchased a sexy new 'jaundice' shade of concealer, 'cause "renal failure" is her absolute favorite look.