Tag Archives: Bonny Logsdon Burns

If you read my free Christmas story, you might have noticed a mention on my dedication page about soon-to-be podcast partners. I kinda of jumped the gun on saying anything at all, because we weren’t quite ready to announce what’s happening.

But we’re ready now!

Sex Chat for Christian Wives: The Naked Truth is launching on Valentine’s Day, February 14, 2017. This weekly group podcast will offer a biblical perspective of sex in marriage, thoughts on improving your intimacy, and practical tips for your marriage bed.

You’ll also get a behind-the-scenes look at how we crack each other up. While some topics are rather serious, other times we have a lot of fun with our subject matter!

While listeners only hear the audio, we quickly learned that we wanted to do a video call so we could see one another and better gauge when to speak. Plus, it feels more like a true chat when we can see each other’s faces. Here’s a screenshot from the last episode we recorded!

Now that you also see our faces, let me tell you a bit about each of us and why this foursome will make for great content you’ll want to listen to.

Chris Taylor of The Forgiven Wife writes from her personal story and primarily for lower-drive wives. Her approach generally deals with attitudes and relational factors that prevent you from engaging fully in the marriage bed.

Gaye Christmus of Calm.Healthy.Sexy writes about more than sex, including helpful tips for your household and your health. Her angle of calmer and healthier living gives her a unique perspective on these factors that affect our sexuality.

Bonny Burns of OysterBed7 also writes for lower-drive wives, but she often addresses the physiological challenges many wives face, as well as the attitudes. She’s wonderful at breaking down difficult medical and scientific studies into useful information for our sex lives.

Foundationally, we four agree about God’s gift of sexuality for our marriages and the need to resolve outstanding issues and enjoy the experience. But when it comes to the how of nurturing sexual intimacy, we each bring something different to the table.

Ecclesiastes 4:9 says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor.” I don’t exactly what this means for two times two, but we know that together we four ladies are stronger than any of us would be alone.

And because we come from different places, this single resource can help Christian wives coming from different places regarding sex.

Check out our website: Sex Chat for Christian Wives. You can subscribe to our RSS feed or check out other places to find us like iTunes and Stitcher.

Follow us on social media: Pinterest, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube. (We’re still learning how we’ll use those last two sites). We’ll post when new episodes have gone up and share other useful content.

Spread the word: Tell others to check out our page or follow our website and/or social media. Word of mouth remains one of the best ways for marriage authors, speakers, podcasters, and ministers to find new listeners for our important message about godly sex in marriage.

Ask a question: In some episodes, we’ll answer reader questions, so if you have something you want to ask four wives who write about Christian sex, this is your chance! Also, if you sent me a question and I haven’t answered, you can resend the question or tag me to move your query to the podcast pile. I still can’t guarantee if/when we can answer, but my personal queue is about 40 unanswered questions, so you can see that — as much as I truly care — I simply can’t get to every one of them on the Hot, Holy & Humorous blog.

Check out what my fellow podcasters have to say: My three partners have all written about this podcast today as well. Be sure to check out their posts:

Pray for us: New endeavors are always wrought with stress, but we are devoted to reaching out through this group podcast. We’d love your prayers that everyone stays in good health, that technology cooperates (mostly) with our needs, that our own marriages remain strong, and that Sex Chat for Christian Wives reaches those women who need to hear our content.

Mark your calendar for February 14, and join us as we look forward to launching this new resource for wives!

We are nearing the end of this Feel Beautiful series, but I definitely haven’t run out of favorite marriage bloggers talking on this subject. And each has something special to add to this conversation.

Today we have Bonny Logsdon Burns, who runs the Oyster Bed 7 site with lower-drive wives in mind. Her outreach for godly marital intimacy is amazing, and she has a compassionate heart for those who struggle with libido. She’s delightful in so many ways, and I can’t wait to share what she has to say on feeling beautiful. So here it is!

I love this series. I feel more beautiful already! The wisdom in each guest post is as unique as the author’s brand of beauty. Thank you, J, for allowing me to accompany all these great encouragers!

For a long while I was not in a good place with sexual intimacy and part of the struggle was trying to reconcile the inner beauty/outer beauty mindset. Scripture seemed to tell me inner beauty was the only thing of value. However, my husband likes me wearing makeup and nice things, which involved my outer beauty. And honestly, I felt better about myself when I spent time on my outer beauty. But, wasn’t this focus on outer beauty a sin?

Can I be both Mother Theresa and Marilyn Monroe (the faithfully married kind)? Is that OK with God? If so, how does that work?

1 Samuel 16:7, “…..The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

It is interesting to me that in verse 7 of 1 Samuel 16 (above), it says the Lord does not look at outward appearance as a man. Yet, just 4 verses down we read:

1 Peter 3:3-4, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment….rather it should be that of your inner self….”

Peter isn’t condemning a woman’s outer beauty. He is saying do not make it a pre-occupation. (Actually, the whole section is about how a believing wife can win an unbelieving husband over to Christ with the beauty of her way.) Christian women are encouraged to develop inner spiritual beauty. I don’t refute that.

However, God is not against outer beauty. He created original eye-candy! He painted lovely even in normal stuff. See?

In the midst of trying to figure out the balance of inner beauty versus outer beauty, I realized inner beauty and outer beauty are like hydrogen and oxygen. Meld them together and create life giving water, H20. InnerBeauty2OuterBeauty. You see, the inner beauty needs twice the nurturing, but outer beauty is still important and a blessing from God. So, yeah, I think it’s okay to be both Mother Theresa and a faithfully married Marilyn Monroe.

Knowing that God created beauty, why is it still hard to embrace beautiful?

Saying that you feel beautiful does not mean that you are arrogant or vain.

Vanity desires to be physically beautiful at all costs. There is no thought to serve any other than yourself. I would venture to go as far as to say it is similar to an addiction, being consumed with thoughts of the mirror and the desire to hear compliments.

Feeling your beauty, will not make you vain, unless you let it.

What if I start letting myself feel beautiful and rejection jumps out of nowhere to trample my heart? This is a real possibility. Your brand of outer beauty isn’t going to appeal to everyone. Just like your brand of inner beauty, having a heart soaked in Jesus, isn’t going to appeal to everyone.

“If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.” (John 15:18).

However, both your outer beauty and inner beauty are pleasing to God. He’s really the only opinion that matters.

Beautiful girls can feel beautiful, too.

Accepting that you have pleasant physical features does not mean you are haughty. It’s acknowledging that God is a better designer than Louis Vuitton, Coco Chanel, and Christian Dior combined.

Beautiful Christian ladies who realize their beauty, may experience guilt, shame, or confusion because of it.

My personal story of confusion is from when I was a child. Because of my coloring; black hair, blue eyes, and fair skin; people stared at me. Occasionally, my mother would cluck her tongue at these people (usually boys) and yank me away. I thought they were staring because of something wrong with me. I didn’t know that people stared when something was good, too. It wasn’t until one of my sisters told me I was, ‘such a beautiful child people stared,’ I realized what all the yanking was about.

You may experience guilt over undue attention or guilt for enjoying the undue attention. The attention is a little nod from God. It’s okay to delight in it for a moment.

You may experience shame that men other than your husband notice or shame that your beauty was the (perceived) cause of sexual abuse (it was not your fault!).

Gorgeous Jesus girls, embrace your God given beauty! He wanted you to look the way you look. If you are actively nurturing your inner Jesus beauty, free yourself from the heavy thought that you are causing another to sin with your outer beauty. Their heart and lack of self-control is what is causing their sin.

Christ’s freedom will help you feel beautiful.

“Through faith in Jesus we have received God’s grace. In that grace we stand. We are full of joy because we expect to share in God’s glory.” (Romans 5:2).

He gave you your beauty so that you can use it to serve HIM more fully.

Admit you’re feeling beautiful, what’s the worst that could happen?

You’ll feel fabulous.

When you start to feel beautiful you might want to take care of that temple you’ve been hauling around all your life. Drink more water, less caffeine/sugar. Eat more fresh food, less processed. Get more sleep and don’t say mean things to yourself. Dance, or at least take a nice long walk. All of this will spill over into feeling beautiful and liking it.

You’ll feel empowered.

Satan uses our negative self-image and negative self-value as a hurdle to many things, including sexual intimacy. Owning your inner beauty and outer beauty chases Satan away and can improve sexual conflict. There’s nothing more attractive than a beautiful woman with beautiful ways about her.

Jesus will be heard.

The reality is, our society values outward appearance. Your pretty face and warmth of heart will help draw people to you. Once they pick up on your hope, you’ll be able to share the story of your favorite designer, Jesus.

“..I have become all things to all people so that in all possible ways I might save some. I do all of that because of the good news. I want to share in its blessings.” (1 Corinthians 9:22-23).

Hi! I’m Bonny Logsdon Burns. I write to encourage the low libido wife at www.OysterBed7.com. I am passionate about empowering and equipping low-libido wives through God’s Word and practical tools. If you are a low-libido wife, please check out my book, Unlock Your Libido: 52-Week Sex Drive Transformation. It’s an easy journey that may have profound results.

My husband, Dave, and I are candid about struggles and victories in the sexual arena. We have three grown sons, two daughter-in-loves, and one sweetpea (granddaughter). My favorite thing to do is laugh at Dave’s corny jokes. We are currently relocating to south Florida, please pray for us because we’re living the notion that major relocations cause serious stress. Connect with me through Twitter and Facebook.

It’s just where I am at this point, writing fiction and about Christian intimacy. Usually, I get to know someone personally before I ever open up a book they’ve written. Frankly, it’s so hard when you like someone a lot, but you don’t like their book. I mean, what do you say?!

So when Bonny Logsdon Burns of Bonny’s Oyster Bed wrote a resource specifically for low libido wives, I was a little nervous. I really like Bonny! I thought please, let me like her book!

1. Saturated in Scripture. Bring on the biblical foundation! It’s all here. Bonny reaches deep into the Word of God as her compass in enlightening readers about sexuality in marriage. Some verses are specific to marriage and intimacy, while plenty of others are about Christian principles that carry over into how we view the Creator of sex, ourselves, and our marriages. I adore this important focus in Unlock Your Libido.

2. Wisdom from Someone Who Knows. Bonny’s been there, done that, so to speak. She understands what it’s like to be a wife with a lower sex drive, but she also has a testimony of awakening her libido. Since she’s been in those trenches, she has practical, field-tested advice for wives who don’t desire sex much. There’s no standing-on-a-soapbox, but rather a heart and a hand to help you on your journey to becoming a more sex-positive wife.

3. Positive Self-Talk. Want to know something with a really good track record of effecting positive change in your life? Changing your self-talk. Research and testimonies are clear on this one. But sometimes we read a book, agree with it, but don’t take any actions for those truths to soak in. In Unlock Your Libido, Bonny gives a positive affirmation for each week you can practice and use to combat the enemy’s lies and replace them with godly truth. Working on that little action won’t take long each day, but over time it can make a big difference.

Bonny understands that the goal for a low-drive wife shouldn’t be getting her to “fulfill her duty” and surrender herself to her husband. That’s not what God had in mind when He designed sex for marriage! Rather, the hope is to awaken, or unlock, your libido — learn how sex can be good for you, increase intimacy in your marriage, and become something you look forward to and enjoy. Sex is also for you.

I’d love to give away a copy of this important resource to every low-libido wife, but of course that’s impractical (not to mention I’d get into huge trouble with the hubby for that unexpected expense!). So I’m going to encourage you to grab your copy now! But I’ll go ahead and give away one copy to a commenter below.

Bonny Logsdon Burns writes to encourage the low libido wife at www.OysterBed7.com. She is passionate about empowering and equipping hurting women through God’s Word and practical tools. She and her husband, David, are candid about their struggles and victories. They have three sons, like to try new foods, and dance to their own music. (You can also find her on Twitter and Facebook.)

Comment below for a chance to win Unlock Your Libido, and go check out the resource for yourself! (Be sure to include your email address, but you can choose whatever name or nickname you wish to show up on the site.)

A lot of wives struggle with a lower libido than their husbands. If that’s you, I highly recommend you follow Bonny’s Oyster Bed, a Christian marriage blog dedicated to such wives. To give you a taste of what Bonny offers, read on for 5 ways to unlock your libido. (And be sure to check out the fabulous resource she’s recently introduced!)

After my husband and I had worked on our marriage and improved the frequency of our sexual relationship, I realized that I still had one challenge to address: my low libido.

I scoured ideas to help ramp up my physical sensation. There was a bit of success in the physical realm.

My biggest ah-ha moment was when I discovered low-libido wives can be high drive when desiring to emotionally and spiritually connect with their husband’s through sexual intimacy.

I may not always have a zing running through my veins when my husband and I start to engage, but I always have a zing in my heart for connecting with him in a way that has ended up being meaningful for both of us!

Low libido is not a permanent condition. If you are a low drive wife, there is much hope.

Satan likes to create a false notion that sex is all about the physical climax. Yes, orgasm is really really nice, but it is not the whole of sexual intimacy.

In my ice princess days, I only saw my husband’s pursuit of me as one dimensional. All he wanted was a place for physical relief. God showed me that sexual intimacy is my husband’s most intimate conversation. Sexual intimacy seals an emotional and spiritual bond that was created by God for marriage.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God” (Philippians 4:6, NIV).

God truly cares for all areas of your life, especially your marital sexuality. Thriving sexual intimacy keeps many forms of temptation at bay for both of you.

God designed sex and it’s okay to pray about your marriage bed!

Expect God to show you things.

I’m not discounting God’s abilities to perform miracles. However, I found that my low-libido was a place where he was nurturing maturity. I couldn’t just wish for a little more oomph in the sexual craving department. I had to actively seek through prayer and action. I had to follow God’s lead when he showed me resources and tools. Expect God to show you things!

You are perfectly normal.

There’s nothing wrong with you if you are low drive! Yes, you may want to have a full physical work-up to check hormone levels and general health, but you are not tainted in some way or being punished for having a low drive.

Every marriage is different. Every season in marriage is different. Who knows? You may have an upcoming season of life where you and your spouse desire equally or you may even be the higher drive spouse.

Don’t compare your experience with anything you read or see (TV or movies). How lovemaking unfolds between you and your husband is going to be unique and normal for the two of you. Great moments in lovemaking can be quiet, calm or klutzy. The klutzy spells usually become priceless inside jokes with your husband.

Give yourself permission to be a sensual woman.

Open your heart to see that sexual intimacy is an asset to your marriage and to you personally, not just your husband.

Give yourself permission to let go of worries and just be in the moment, concentrating on the physical sensations of your husband’s touch.

Open your heart to the possibility of seeing yourself warm with desire as the Shulamite wife in the Song of Solomon. “….It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame” (Song of Solomon 8:6). Okay, a blazing fire might seem optimistic, but just open yourself up to a firm maybe.

Give yourself permission to be a sensual woman. It’s okay to look inside yourself and contemplate your physical, emotional and spiritual sensations. It’s okay to want to fire up the old cravings of first romance. It’s okay to have sexual feelings!

This doesn’t mean all of a sudden you’re installing a pole in your bedroom. This just means you are willing to have faith in God’s design. He designed marriage to include sexual intimacy. It’s how he made marriage different and more bonded than any other relationship on earth.

Final thoughts

You may think all problems in your marriage need to be fixed before you can even consider bolstering your sexual activities.

I used to think this way, too. However, that logic is wrong. You really can work on re-connecting through sexual intimacy as you work on other problems. I even think it helps the healing process. I’m here to attest that this is true.

Not all wives are the low-drive spouse. I think much of what is written here can be applied to the low-drive spouse, no matter which gender. Marriages I refer to here are generally good-willed. If there is any kind of abuse, please seek guidance through a Christian marriage counselor.

You can see why I wanted to have Bonny on my blog! She speaks so well to wives with sex drive challenges. I encourage you to check out Unlock Your Libido and her blog, Bonny’s Oyster Bed.

Hi! I’m Bonny Logsdon Burns. I write to encourage the low libido wife at www.OysterBed7.com. I am passionate about empowering and equipping hurting women through God’s Word and practical tools. I live in coastal Wilmington, NC. I’m currently completing a Christian Counseling course. My husband, David, and I are candid about our struggles and victories. We have three sons. My favorite thing to do is laugh at Dave’s corny jokes. We like to try new foods and dance to our own music. (You can also find me on Twitter and Facebook.)