It’s complicated

It shouldn’t have gotten complicated, but it did.

Strange how easy it is for me to offer solutions to other people’s problems, and in the same breath find it difficult for me to solve my own.

I would say, “this, too, shall pass,” to friends who need comfort. That favorite line of mine from My Best Friend’s Wedding is very appealing to me right now, but somehow I find it so hard to apply it to my own situation.

My family is my most cherished possession. I have always considered myself very blessed for having such a simple, warm, and peaceful family. I never thought that someday, this simplicity, warmth, and peace would be disturbed and threatened. No one wanted this. No one expected it.

We have been through troubled times before, but at least we were solid. We went through the pains as one, healing the aches and wounds by the sheer comfort of knowing we are all in it together.

Not this time. The more I try to deny that this will solve itself, the more things seem to crumble.

I’m tired of trying to keep things together still. I dread the confrontations. I fear the consequences. Yet I am compelled by a responsibility that no one imposed on me but myself.

I want things to at least be normal, if not back to how they were. If only those who have the capacity to understand would just try to uncomplicate things. Compromise. Get rid of foolish pride. Conquer suspicion, anger, and hatred. Submit to the promise of an uncomplicated family life.

What is supposed to be just between two people is turning into a family dilemma. One person left, but four families became casualty.

God knows when this will end…who will suffer the most…and how I’m supposed to keep it together.