The Christmas Gifts You Didn’t Get But Totally Deserved

Will Durst’s Christmas Gifts Wish List

Relax. Now breathe. And repeat.

The nonstop madcap insanity has finally reached its red and green holiday crescendo and its all downhill from here. Don’t know if it had anything to do with the earth-shaking, democracy-twisting events of November 8th, but people were extra special amplified crazy this particular solstice season. Like frothing-at-the-mouth wacky. Hair-tearing bonkers. Nuttier than the Planters Hospitality Suite at a Flying Squirrel Convention crazy.

We salute all you stalwart consumers for navigating those Demolition Derby parking lots in the honorable quest of sinking heavily into debt to celebrate the birth of that Jewish hippie kid.

Anticipating the flash of horror across your face when the bills float in from the mail, let us offer up our annual WILL DUR$T’$ XMA$ GIFT WI$H LI$T. These are the presents that folks presumably did not find under their tree but most certainly deserved:

For Vladimir Putin: one of those extra long telescoping leashes to control his new pet.

For Ronald McDonald: an extended vacation until the creepy clown sightings subside. 4 years ought to do it.

For Melania Trump: a couple of grey hairs to give her some gravitas. Cuff & collar.

For Kim Kardashian: an itinerary of Melania Trump’s movements so she can study up for 2024.

For Donald Trump: who is proud of saying anything that flies into his head: a tiny rabid West African Ruby-Throated Hummingbird.

For Speaker of the House Paul Ryan: a whip, a chair and thigh high boots for when he has to deal with the Executive branch.

For Elizabeth Warren: a set of portable Klieg lights to stay front and center for the foreseeable future.

The New York Times says Emmy-nominated comedian and writer Will Durst “is quite possibly the best political satirist working in the country today.” The Humor Times says "Durst is the Sage of Satire, the Learned Lampooner, the King of Political Satire!" Check his website for upcoming stand-up performance dates. Will's books, including Elect to Laugh! A Hilarious, Common Sense Guide to American Politics are available at Amazon and better bookstores all over this great land of ours. From Ulysses Press.

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