Colleague pledges not to park like a complete dick

THAT ANNOYING colleague of yours has pledged not to park like an infantile piece of shit for once in their worthless life, it has been revealed.
Terminally unpopular Accounts Manager, Nathan Bobson, 29, made the groundbreaking oath to park within the confines of whichever designated space he chooses to leave his precious fucking car in.

He commented: “Honnestly, I had no idea what those lines even were, haha. I’m shocked an appalled that other people think I’d purposely take up just the right amount of space to deter people from parking next to my car, just to avoid maybe scratching it…”

“The lease company would probably bill the company, but I wouldn’t care about paying for it myself anyway.”

Director Ray Dawson commented: “We’re all very pleased and relieved Nathan isn’t parking his BMW like some wet-nursed prick who doesn’t realise other people exist, anymore. I hope it’s got nothing to do with all the women in the office not really, you know, bothering with him.”

Payroll clerk, Sanrda Barnes said: “To be fair, this was only after a parking name and shame page was put up on the kitchen wall. His car was the only one on it.”

An helpful sounding Nathan concluded: “Can you still get in and out there? Thanks.”