Category: Accepting Transvestism

It took a long time for me to realise that my fascination for being a Transvestite was in actual fact a way of liberating an inner part of me that had been hidden deeply on my male side. It is interesting how with this new freedom my femme personality has come to the surface and ultimately evolved into a highly enjoyable relaxed pastime rather than a frustrated sexual event.

In the early days I thought dressing was an innate drive within me to be some kind of a woman, but I enjoyed ‘The Boy’ side as well. I now realise it releases me from those bonds and opens up a different set of desires that have always lain hidden within my mind. I loved the Grayson Perry Channel 4 analysis. on this subject.

The strictures of society and male life impose so many guilty layers on numerous aspects of our personality that it makes it very hard to peel them off and reveal my real Tranny side. I have talked others as to why they dress and so many of us Transvestites agree that it is how you feel when you are dressed that is the key driver that makes you want to do it again and again. This feeling dissipates when you are back in the ‘vanilla’ world.

I have talked in previous articles how for some it is placing the wig; others it’s putting on make-up; the slinky stockings or those forbidden high heels that releases a new person from within. We each have our own triggers.

But is it the real you? I am not sure.,as I am quite happy to put the genie back in the bottle and let her out from time to time. I have never really worried about passing it’s always been about my mindset. In fact my girlfriend Susie who runs the Chateau Femme dressing service says to her girls that I have actively championed being a Transvestite and play the fact that I am a TV and not a woman nor a TS.

Dressing is all about me, me, me it’s very selfish and to the exclusion of all others, until I am ready. It is so personal. We are very selfish but it’s such an intense, internalised pleasure that is so focussed on what I want it’s quite difficult to explain and share. Between us we can identify traits that so many Transvestites share but none of us have exactly the same set. So to try to explain to those that have never experienced these feelings it is virtually impossible, This is probably why so many of our partners cannot fathom why we do it and what we get out of it. The Americans have that lovely expression that it is a ‘mind fuck’. Ugly but very perceptive! It indicates that this is our mind-set and only we are in charge of changing it.

So why? Well it’s simple as we have said society makes us conform to, a stereotype ‘The Boy’. He has to do certain things in certain ways and perform accordingly. Unfortunately we also have another side, or several sides even, hidden deep within us that is/are definitely not acceptable to mainstream society. Trannying is the trigger that releases those needs and desires. Those of us who have been bold enough have found that inner person and let it fly will have gone down a myriad of paths as we come to terms with our ‘true’ inner being. In our cases there is a feminine side (note I use the word side) that has layers of masculinity heaped on it and needs a vehicle to let it out and that is what dressing does. But what does femininity mean, pretty relaxed and sexy I say. The question then becomes do you blend the two/three/four sides into one or do you play between them. I am in the latter category and very happy with it.

However this issue relates to how we feel more than how we act. Yes sometimes this excitement is pretty horny, sometime we get turned on by what we see in the mirror but for the main part it is that intense feeling we get inside ourselves that comes bubbling up that is the most satisfying. We love the appreciation we get but we love seeing ourselves even more!

But what does this release within us? Firstly I believe there is a sensual side. It was interesting to meet a person the other day whose inner girl came out when she wore sensual lacy lingerie, another enjoys the swish of petticoats, another good old Spandex. These sensual pleasures start the whole release that inner person(s). At some point in time however the feeling turns from a sensual outlet to feeling incredibly sexy. For me for example its with the putting on of the wig. It’s an intense emotion that I have rarely felt in boy mode and this is where women have the drop on the men. But somehow through dressing I can access those feelings because I have found a way to release them. After this however the elements of our sexuality come into play as we start to explore who or what we are. This can lead to different types of fun. Right or wrong but we have to try as its part of the nature of this drug!

I for example have a real penchant for shape. I adore the feminine figure and love corsets shapewear and tighter fitting clothes that releases my inner desire that makes me feel incredibly sexy. In the early days this used to turn me on and I became very sexually aroused and playful. It made me look into alternative routes and sexualities. However in recent years these have abated somewhat as I much prefer just being Tara and realise what ‘she’ gives me. I found the trigger and can now get into the mindset fairly easily. Though I have to say the removal of all the paraphernalia at the end of the evening is a bit of a come down!

This can explain why so many girls like to dress up as a Sissy, a Secretary, a Maid or a Domme Bitch. It’s something that is part of their make up which has to be accessed or it is the route to that inner person. I used to think that by dressing and making up with wigs and so forth I was transforming myself into my alter-ego and I could hide behind that veil and have lots of fun without being recognised. I now understand this is not true. I physically need to fully transform into the Tara person not just a bit of lippy and a black dress. I need to completely dress in order to access the Tara persona as it changes my mindset, my personality and of course my appearance far away from ‘The Boy’.

It’s a bit like advanced meditation where people reach their inner Nirvana through accessing an inner spirituality. In the same way I reach a space of inner contentment where I feel very sexy and incredibly relaxed. I also find myself very centred and living in the moment, not planning the next step like ‘The Boy’ would do, because the moment is relatively short-lived. If it was acceptable would I do it all the time? No. The laws of diminishing returns apply and would dampen the fun. Its something I love accessing from time to time, not all the time. In some ways it makes me appreciate ‘The Boy’ side as well!

I think this is why I like being a TV. It allows me a form of escapism from my male shackles. Because it’s an altered reality nothing is really expected of me and the pressures of day-to-day life are lifted. This for many can become all-consuming as the pursuit of pleasure and life on the other side offers a much more appealing option to the hustle and bustle of the expectations of the real life. Beware!

I think some TV’s and many TS’s get very confused about where they are and the default suddenly becomes being dressed not what they want to achieve. Unfortunately this hides the deeper problems they have. But that is one for the psychologists.

Oh God this is a recipe for disaster? It’s such a complicated minefield that I could write a bloody book on the subject and still never find a clear route! Trying to say all relationships just like all Transvestites are the same is completely barmy. But as I have tried to do in this blog I am trying to draw some similarities regarding TV relationships without being too general purely to give some form of insight and guidance in such a complicated field

But let us look at the relationship that is going to emerge with your partner after you reveal yourself. If you are like me when you dress a different person emerges with a different mindset and a very different playset. I become much more relaxed, centred and less judgemental, I plan less and enjoy the moment more. I feel much more sexy and enjoy the attentions of others. In the past I would flirt and enjoy the whole gamut of sexuality that I could do from behind the mask. That part has changed…well almost!

However I also like ‘the boy’ I enjoy the way he plans ahead, how he makes things happen, doesn’t look back except to learn and moves on. Has a get-up-and-go mentality, enjoys risk and a competitive nature. I like the fact that he can blend into the background and observe (not be so obvious as when dressed) a voyeur not a player. I also enjoy keeping the two people very, very separate with different emails, social networks, phones, websites, wardrobes, attitudes to sex, social environments etc. These are two people in the same body, do they get on or are they at war with each other to come out? If you can’t cope with this schizophrenia then what the hell are you unleashing on your partner?

So now you suddenly present your partner with two different people to care for, love and enjoy their respective company. I think it’s crazy for you to expect that they treat each of your respective personas the same. Can you tell me man and a woman who you treat the same. I can’t and yet I have some good male, female and Tranny friends. I treat them very differently as I have different relationships with them all, and I am not talking sexually! I also react differently to them whether I am dressed in boy or girl mode although in most cases they are mutually exclusive. So expecting the relationship with your partner to be the same with each of your personas is just plain crazy.

Remember in most cases your partner fell in love with ‘the boy’ even if they met the girl first (as in my case) because in most of our instances they spend more time with ‘the boy’. If as in the majority of cases they meet ‘the girl’ afterwards there is a hell of a lot of emotional shock that has to be dealt with. Then it’s about putting things back together in the best way you can. Things are not going to, be the same again and it is about re-building your relationship from a very, very different base. Many relationships do not survive this (me for example) because we are not prepared.

Do not consider that you can just continue as it was before. There is going to be far more scrutiny on your re-evaluation of why you are together and where you both (note both you selfish bitch! ) are going to go.

You must also remember that girl and boy roles fit very well into a socialised, stereotypical, heterosexual relationship but a girl and girl side results in a lot of competing elements and we are not just talking about the space on the bathroom shelf in front of the mirror! In the girl boy side we have roles these can be very blurred in the new lifestyle. How much of the time do you want to be in girl mode? Are you going to tell others? Are you going to introduce the girl to your friends? Are you going to be allowed to indulge in the girl side on your own or are you going to be accompanied? How will you approach sex? When are you going to show the girl’s side to your partner? How do you tell them how you feel when dressed? How from your side would you see the relationship progressing and vice versa? So many things to address far less the need for more wardrobe space!

You may be one of those very lucky ones who has a strong open-minded partner that will go with this. You may be one of the many whose partner does not agree with the girl side (principally because she only has room for the man in her life) but accepts that that person exists and has to be let out from time-to-time on their own. You may be the one who says that they will give it up but then comes back to it in secret again at some time in the future! Whatever may transpire you have to give it a go at trying to discuss things.

So let’s say you have decided to tell your partner or more likely your dirty sordid secret (your words not mine…oh well maybe I do think like that sometimes) has been discovered. It’s time to put up and try to sort the coming mess out. So what are the key factors for success? Probably the same as any good relationship.

Being able to communicate with one another in an open and honest non-judgemental way. Genuinely listening to what each other is saying without thinking this is what I anticipate you are going to say! So many of us have forgotten how to listen, we are so intent on getting our point of view across we don’t really engage in what the other party is saying. Slow down and listen think about your response and then say it. A little pause for thought is worth its weight in any relationship. Talking is easy conversation is an art.

Letting each other have their say. On the day you drop the bombshell there is no way this is going to be sorted out quickly. There will be so many questions arising. Why are you like this? Are you gay? Can you give it up? etc. etc. etc. You have had time to think about things , because you have read this! They need time to think, time to let them digest this bolt from the blue and to decide their course of action. If they cannot let their feelings out like you have then they just feel it’s being presented as a fait accompli in which they have no say. Do not try to drive the agenda too early, it will only end in pain.

Having trust in one another that what you say is what you mean and that you are being honest. This is probably where most Trannies fall down because in the majority of cases we have declared our Transvestism at some point in our relationship after many years when our partner did not know. Personally I thought it was a phase I would get over, but somehow I never did! Now I am in the poop because I have hidden it for so long! How do I regain their trust having been a liar for so long? Trust is built over time and destroyed in a moment of stupidity, believe me!

An ability for both of you to give and take. Too many Trannies I meet are so self-centred that they look at what is happening purely from their perspective. They are caught up in the fun of this wonderful short period of time. It is they that have decided to tell their partner or have been found out, it is they that want to drive the agenda their way and in many cases do not care for the consequences (see my article it’s a lonely life out there). The pursuit of being a TV can become such a strong drive that the compulsion stops them seeing things objectively as a result there is little or no chance of the relationship surviving. And there are a lot of unfulfilled Trannies out there. If they have been playing around and seeing mistresses or other TV’s and they think this can go on afterwards they are being delusional. They will be found out again. To stay together you need to change your mindset or agree between you what you can do if your partner allows a bit more openness in your relationship. And are you willing to give them similar freedoms. For example to go out with the local Rugby Club for a few drinks and a club after? Just some flirty fun nothing else! Honest!

Having a willingness that you want to stay together. This is a must. You have to want to at least try to sort things out as you both feel you are better together than apart. Are you genuine soul mates? If so there is room for some movement. A lot of Trannies I know don’t have a sexual relationship with their partner and in some this T-universe is a substitute for that lack of sex. As a result the girl is allowed her times out because the core of their relationship is their friendship. Others survive because they allow each other to pursue their own interests and come together at times. Some have the worst nightmare where they stay together for the kids but pursue separate interests. Others as I said have the luck where the partner gets a boyfriend and a girlfriend and treats each differently. The overriding factor is that both (and I mean both of them) feel more comfortable together than either on their own or with someone else.

Your partner loves you more than cares about what the neighbours think. I don’t care what most of us say Transvestites are still seen as an aberration in society. We are not ‘normal’ and long may it remain so! The social stigma of being with a Tranny is still difficult for many, particularly those over 40. The question is does your partner want to be seen with you in public and can take the talking behind their back that comes with it. I would suggest they do not want to be seen going out with you by your vanilla friends. Just because you have your little secret does not mean you have to splash it over the neighbourhood and have a detrimental effect on your partners life who somehow has to explain it to everyone. Be realistic they are going some of the way with you so do the same for them and don’t insist on your route and your route alone.

You are both open to a plan. Like everything in life you must have an idea of where you are going, how you will resolve issues, agree what the limits are, what the penalties will be and then review it after say 3 months or so. Then make adjustments to the plan. If you recognise that it is not set in stone but something that evolves then you have the basis of a way forward if you want to.

Look it’s not going to be easy relationships never are. How did I do on this scale the first time Fail Fail Fail all my fault. How have I done more recently Pass, Fail, Pass, Fail, The Jury’s Out. The core of all the problem is Trust and Forgiveness. But you have to realise for some this is not possible, it’s just too big a step to live with a Transvestite, shame we offer so much! I need a drink things are getting awfully deep!!

So you are a TV who is trying to understand why you are as you are? You are also trying to explain to others who you are. You need a glossary of terms to help. But first you need to identify what ‘box’ you fit into and from there seek others of a similar persuasion. My first reaction to this is don’t bother! I have met so many Trannies over the years and I can honestly say I can rarely find two that are so very alike they form a perfect category. Just like how we move from Boy to Girl mode so our reasons for dressing are very fluid. However I do see some similarities between all of us:

Firstly we like the freedom and sense of identity we achieve from letting the girl out. suddenly the grey man gets noticed for the person they truly are

Secondly we achieve a type of nirvana by throwing off the masculine expectations of society and exposing the female side which allows us a form of deep relaxation and satisfaction from balancing our character

Thirdly we love the appreciation that we get in the knowledge we have put a lot of effort into this persona. This can be in public or on-line.

Finally there is an intense form of excitement derived from the fact that we can approach life in a new and fresh manner when we dress.

I am worried in these posts that I may be going over old ground and at risk of repeating myself, however whenever I am out with ‘Les Filles’ (sorry I have a problem with the terms girls, women and she, just not me!) the overriding topic of discussion is about what drives us to do this and how we feel about it. Probably it’s the male side essentially trying to solve a problem which in order to do so needs have a profound understanding of why a particular action occurs. We do like to find solutions and gain better understanding don’t we!

So first we have to look at the myriad of definitions for ‘Trans’ beings exist, at least in order to talk in a coherent manner. In my research it was quite funny how the words Transvestite and Crossdresser were considered old and derogatory terms. It feels as I said in my last post like we are being marginalised and that we almost offend the Ttans groups by blurring the pitch!

Thee are so many definitions about the Trans world (the BBC has a simple one) but I would like to try to give you my best understanding of the key segregators relating to us and I defer the Berkeley College offering with a few changes to suit my own understandings

Agender – A person who is internally ungendered or does not have a felt sense of gender identity.

Bigender – A person whose gender identity is a combination of man and woman

Bisexuality – A person who is attracted to two sexes or two genders, but not necessarily simultaneously or equally. This used to be defined as a person who is attracted to both genders or both sexes, but since there are not only two sexes (see intersex and transsexual) and there are not only two genders (see transgender), this definition is inaccurate.

Cisgender – A person who by nature or by choice conforms to gender/sex based expectations of society (also referred to as “Gender-straight” or “Gender Normative”)

Crossdresser – Someone who wears certain items of clothing (not fully made up) associated with another gender for part of the time.

Drag – The act of dressing in gendered clothing and adopting gendered behaviours as part of a performance, most often clothing and behaviours typically not associated with your gender identity. Drag Queens perform femininity theatrically. Drag Kings perform masculinity theatrically.

Genderfuck – The idea of playing with “gender cues” to purposely confuse “standard” or stereotypical gender expressions, usually through clothing

Genderqueer – A person whose gender identity is neither man nor woman, is between or beyond genders, or is some combination of genders. This identity is usually related to or in reaction to the social construction of gender, gender stereotypes and the gender binary system. Some genderequeer people identify under the transgender umbrella while others do not.

Heterosexuality – Sexual, emotional, and/or romantic attraction to a sex other than your own. Commonly thought of as “attraction to the opposite sex” but since there are not only two sexes (see “Intersex” and “Transsexual”), this definition is inaccurate.

Intersex – Intersex is a set of medical conditions that feature congenital anomaly of the reproductive and sexual system. That is, intersex people are born with “sex chromosomes,” external genitalia, or internal reproductive systems that are not considered “standard” for either male or female. The existence of intersexuals shows that there are not just two sexes and that our ways of thinking about sex (trying to force everyone to fit into either the male box or the female box) is socially constructed.

Pangender – A person whose gender identity is comprised of all or many gender expressions

Pansexual – A person who is fluid in sexual orientation and/or gender or sex identity.

She-Male – An *offensive term* used to refer to MTF trans individuals by the sex/porn industries to objectify, exotify and eroticize the trans body

Transgender – people are those whose psychological self (“gender identity”) differs from the social expectations for the physical sex they were born with. To understand this, one must understand the difference between biological sex, which is one’s body (genitals, chromosomes, etc.), and social gender, which refers to levels of masculinity and femininity. Often, society conflates sex and gender, viewing them as the same thing. But, gender and sex are not the same thing.Transgender people are those whose psychological self (“gender identity”) differs from the social expectations for the physical sex they were born with.

Transsexual – Refers to a person who experiences a mismatch of the sex they were born as and the sex they identify as. A transsexual sometimes undergoes medical treatment to change his/her physical sex to match his/her sex identity through hormone treatments and/or surgically. Not all transsexuals can have or desire surgery.

Transvestite – Individuals who regularly or occasionally wear the clothing and make-up socially assigned to a gender not their own, but are usually comfortable with their anatomy and do not wish to change it (i.e. they are not transsexuals).

Funny how we came last on the list! Of course when you come to the Transvestite community I believe there are always further subsets, just nobody has got round to looking at them. From my experience there however There are 6/7 key traits that exist. They are not categories and not mutually exclusive just strong drives that dominate many of our dressing sessions to a greater or lesser extent.

The Mirror Transvestite – this is the TV who just loves the look that they create principally for themselves. They focus for hours on getting ‘the’ look that is just right for them. It may be the same every day or different another day but something triggers it and the inherent perfectionism in them makes them want to get it just right. If you are a social event these girls will be late because it just has to be right. They come out principally to be appreciated for what they have done.

The Social Transvestite – are TV’s who enjoy dressing and being out in a very vanilla environment, particularly during the day. They get a real buzz from being noticed by the general public some because they liek the fact the are creating a bit of a stir and others because it means an element of acceptance

The Thrill Seeking Transvestite – these Trannies like to gou out to more fun environment, particularly at night where they can dress in a racier manner and play fun and games with the locals be it in bars clubs or parties. Its not of a sexual nature but being sexy is a vital buzz for them. They have to be seen and appreciated and dress accordingly

The Sexual Transvestite – are the ones who want to dress and play. They may be Gay or the act of dressing brings an element of ambiguity to their sexuality but ultimately the want a sexual encounter at some stage in the proceedings

The Balanced Transvestite – this babe wants it all! They bring in all the elements. A complete time dressing in front of the mirror, out during the day, party at night and then maybe a romantic interlude. Deny them any part of the experience and the feel unfulfilled.

The Quick Fix Transvestite – mainly for the closet TV’s, normally done at home this is the one who needs just an hour or two to let the girl out purely to relax and calm down. For these its a coping mechanism probably whilst the partner is out that sates the beast within but not for long!

The ME Transvestite – the one who wants to talk about themselves to understand why they are like thy are and to hog the conversation. WAIT A MINUTE THAT IS ALL OF US!

If you can think of others I will amend this article accordingly, its not fixed in eyelash glue!

OK thats enough from this genderqueer, hetrosexual, thrill seeking transvestite, just hope it gives you a basic lexicon through which you can all chat to one another. XXX

Trannys of the world realise that Transsexuals represent a real threat to your identity. I know it’s an eye catcher but people are getting us so mixed up, but in reality we are worlds apart. This applies even more so in recent months because there has been an explosions of Transgendered stories in the media. The acceptance of the TS had now moved over the Tipping Point. They are now a hot topic, which I am sorry to say we will never be! People such as Caitlin Jenner, Laverne Cox and Kelly Maloney have all hit the headlines and their bank accounts by coming out and exposing their lives to the assembled media. As a result they can get their story across that says ‘I was born a man but have always wanted to be a woman’. This is an easy concept to grasp and explain, however our Tranny narrative is much much more complicated and difficult to get communicate.

How do we explain to people who have never experienced the feelings we get when we are completely transformed for the first time. How can you say to someone it juts feels/felt so right. Its innate to me. I am in a frame of mind that allows a hidden side (my so-called feminine or femme side) to emerge and I feel so calm, relaxed and yes, sexy when in this vogue.

Susie my partner who runs the Chateau Femme dressing service likens it to the times when as a teenager she felt such a transformation of herself when she put on adult clothes, make-up and heels. In effect she was no longer a child. She says she felt so different and sexy. This was part of her becoming a woman. It felt so right to the ‘new woman’. I can identify with some of that but you have to add the layers of sexuality and the complete release from the restricting bonds of maledom for a short period of time are also part of that high.

I have alluded in my previous blogs about sexuality and what it means. In this case it does not mean that you are dressing for erotic purposes, though many do get turned on (this is called Transvestic Fetishism), nor is it about your sexual orientation. What I mean by sexuality is the capacity for you to move down a female route that can blur the male and female sides of our personality. Yes of course we can have sex in girl form but that does not necessarily relate to our inherent gender which to Transvestites tends to be Male Plus (or should that be Male Minus) and this does change your sexual perspective.

However to say the words ‘sexual perspective’ immediately implies a Tranny has changed their sexual orientation and this is where the understanding of the Tranny goes soooo wrong! Yes I would agree that we become more playful and that our attitude to both sexes is not black and white but inside us is a fun-loving person that somehow, through a different look, is allowed us to approach life in general with a much more open attitude. It is as if somebody took the shackles of the ordinary day folk off us and allowed us to examine and experiment with the whole gamut of experience. We like the blurred lines between male and female but only for a short time.

Because we in effect are ‘Gender Queer’ and fairly fluid (almost schizophrenic) in our persona it is very difficult for us to be understood or accepted. Society likes to put people into boxes Male and Female. In particular TS’s even tend to look at TV’s as a lesser being than they are. You are not a real woman like me! The problem is their issues are with gender but yours relate to a temporary change of mindset and the two are rarely good bedfellows! We queer the pitch for TS’s in what they see as their struggle for acceptance. They feel, with their recent acceptance, that we are now hanging on their coat tails, when in effect there are so many more TV’s than TS’s and they were quite happy to join with us before they gained their own identity. I don’t think we really seek acceptance in the way they do, we are looking for appreciation of how we look, because tomorrow we will be Bob again. Our dressing actually gives us a much stronger personal identity than that grey-haired man in the corner of the pub with the half of lager. We get noticed and we enjoy the acknowledgement and ultimately the fun of pushing this barrier!

Oops just re-read all that and realised its sounding like a psychology degree thesis. What I am trying to say is that it’s not really clear why we dress and where the motivation comes from. Almost every Tranny I know has different reasons for doing and a different route they arrived at dressing. But the one thing most of us have is that from time to time it is an incredibly strong motivating factor in our lives and we are constantly seeking a new experience

As you know I have been a member of several TV groups as well as seeing the many TVs that come through Chateau Femme. The vast majority of girls come here because they have an innate want to dress as it releases another side to their persona. Dressing gives them a new lease on life, a different perspective that allows them to be someone different for a short, fun period of time. They love that change of mindset that allows them to look at life from a different sexual perspective. They can relax more, they feel more in tune with themselves by casting off the expectations of society on what a man has to be. Because they are being nonconformist in their nature they do not have to adopt society’s social moires, instead they can be themselves. For some like me they like both the boy and the femme side and endeavour to keep them quite distinct. For others they start to take on more and more of the femme side into the male world and create a type of androgen that allows them have a certain harmony between the two sides.

I am also convinced this desire gets stronger as we age and our testosterone levels decline so a different balance of male and female hormones exist in our bodies. I also maintain as we get older the work/life balance changes, the kids fly the coop, we become more objective about life and don’t worry so much about society thinks. We realise we have been depriving ourselves of something and want to try a new route. So we take stock and realise this is something we have put off that we need to try. For many this embarks them on a roller-coaster ride that is full of fun, anxiety and intense personal analysis. At the end of all this turmoil we tend to come out and say ‘THIS IS ME’ like it or not. To some this acceptance takes many years to others the first time they dress it says everything. From there some do go down the TS route realising that is another layer for them or that purely they just feel better living as a woman instead of the high social pressure of conformity to the male world. For others its just a great bit of fun. TS’s are in turmoil we are party animals.

The TV is a player, a fun lover who just enjoys the pastime of being the girl. In its early stages you can see that teenager who likes to experiment with aspects of their sexuality. It can push you down routes that you may initially see as fun but ultimately realise are not you. There are a lot of dead ends in this voyage of self-discovery.. A TS tends to know where her ultimately goal is. The TV is constantly striving to find out why they are like they are, constantly asking questions, trying new things and exploring infinite possibilities thrown up by the femme side. For the TS it’s a real-time change they desperately want to be. For the TV its a real buzz to explore new horizons and new experiences, to boldly go….! (By the way that is the most famous split infinitive) It’s a war of two very, very different types of people who appear on the surface to be similar but deep down are worlds apart.

The worst thing for a TV is that so many TS’s start as a TV or with a TV group only to disown the ‘girls’ she met as friends because she feels that now they are not genuinely like her and are not part of ‘normal society’ I have seen it on too many occasions and it hurts that people we befriended helped and trusted now kick us in the teeth. We TV’s hate this and feel let down as we helped someone down their path but are now rejected for being freaks or disingenuous. So girls stand up for the TV and make sure you say I am a Transvestite not Transgendered! But our time will never come…hurrah!

How do you tell your partner you are a Tranny? It is so hard to explain what you are feeling and why you are as you are. The first step is to start communication between you. So this is a letter to the partners of Trannys not for you girls. Hopefully it is something you might pass on to your partner or adapt as you see fit for them to read, but only if you agree with it as its only my perspective and something I wish I had had the courage to write many years ago!

Dearest Darling,

I wanted to start this letter with the words I am sorry for being a Transvestite. But that is wrong, it’s not true. What I am sorry for is hiding it from you. For keeping such an intimate and personal thing from you for so long. For the hurt and loss of trust my revealing a deeply felt desire within me has now literally been dumped in your lap. I desperately hope you won’t be appalled by shock of this revelation and would ask you to read this before passing your initial judgement on me and my activities. I just ask you to approach things with an open mind.

Let it be said first and foremost that I love you dearly and I hope we can get through this awkward time and come out stronger than before with a better understanding of each other, and hopefully a new fun layer to our relationship. I appreciate it has come as a total bombshell and hope it wont result in a knee-jerk reaction without us having time to talk about it.

I have not suddenly changed overnight but for a variety of reasons have hidden this from you with the misguided thought that it would help both our relationship and our life. I now know this was wrong but it seemed the easiest way. This side of me has been something I have been simultaneously embarrassed to tell you about and something that gives me immense pleasure. It is something that is innate within me and I don’t believe it will go away. So it is something I feel we must address. I have tried over many years to stop this drive within me with varying degrees of success, but realise this only creates internal stress and I now have come to accept that it is a part of me that cannot be suppressed.

Let me first and foremost say I am not gay and dress to attract members of the male sex. But I also recognise that I am also not 100% heterosexual either. I see these two titles as either end of a continuum and believe that people are rarely at either extreme we are all somewhere along the route. I also believe that there is a gender spectrum and people like me are fairly fluid between the male and female ends. I do not want to become a woman but I do enjoy dressing and acting the part as it addresses a side of my personality that is unfulfilled in male mode.

My personality does change when dressed but not dramatically. I hope I retain all the things you like about me but within a much more calmer,softer, relaxed person. I would like you to see my other side if and when you are ready. But you have to decide if and when. I am not pretending it will be easy seeing your partner dressed up in a dress, heels, wig and make-up but I have been doing it for several years and its time for us to discuss the possibilities of this persona being introduced into our lives in some form or other. It’s not a separate person just another aspect of my make up that comes out from time to time. I have hidden it because I know that society does not openly accept people like me, but at the end of the day I know when I am dressed I am a nicer person. I feel freer and feel less restricted by society’s expectations of me.I feel more complete for having dressed for a short time, not all the time!

I am not a crossdresser as these people tend to be fixated on a particular item of clothing, that’s more a fetish like rubber or leather. Nor am I a Transgender person because I do not feel I was born a woman in a man’s body, just somebody who feels through dressing they can express an aspect of themselves that is normally hidden. I get a very strong natural high from my changeover as it seems to release something inside me or allow an aspect of me that is not normally on show. I dress because I like the headspace that the girl side occupies and get a thrill from switching. I don’t want to dress as a woman all the time more something I can do occasionally, hopefully with you.

I believe society puts us into strict boxes and this is not right as we both have a male and female side (X and Y chromosomes) to a greater or lesser extent. The problem is that we become stereotyped and then have to conform to those norms. The result is unhappy people unable to express themselves as they see fit. We are called an aberration by some as everyone tries top be ‘normal’. This is particularly relevant in men. Women can wear trousers men can’t wear skirts. Why? What is so bad with us dressing up as well?

Why this has come about is very complicated and I am sure I do not fully understand myself but it is a very strong drive within me. I hope we can discuss this as both rational and emotional beings and find a solution to a way forward. There is absolutely no way I want to end our beautiful relationship but I do know the girl has to come out from time to time, hopefully with your acceptance and approval, and we have to address the issues this raises. I am no oil painting when dressed but the nner feeling I have is of utter contentmentI so hope we can find a way forward as there is nobody else I would rather share this with than you.

I do realise this could be embarrassing for you particularly with friends and family. You will naturally worry what they will say if this ever comes out but please be assured I will never embarrass you with anyone to which you are connected. I also realise that this will leave you in an emotional void where you feel you have nobody with whom to talk to in order to understand why I am as I am and what you should do. I can help you with many people who have gone through this traumatic time but hopefully the starting point is us.

You may feel that you are somehow losing the person you love or you may wonder who is this stranger because this side of me has been hidden from you for so long. But inwardly I am still the same partner who has been by your side all these years. I have hidden this because I love you. But I realise that at sometime I will, most likely, be discovered or caught out so I have to open both you and I up to the pain of re-connecting in a new way.

You will feel you have been misled and lied to for many years and you may fear for our lives together. You may think that you have heard this happen to others but are surprised when it comes down top yo. You will probably feel isolated as you have nobody but me to talk to about it, You may feel you did something wrong. You did not. This is all of my making and I fully respect if you may be shocked by this type of behaviour and want nothing to do with it. But please give us both a fighting chance.

I hope we can focus on what we love about each other how we can have good times together regardless. and the realisation that this is an occasional thing that might just be a bit of fun. Then I do hope we have the basis for a new and long-lasting relationship. My passions, my loyalty, my humour my intellect, my love for you and the kids will not change, it will just be accompanied by a pair of 4 inch high heels, occasionally!

I appreciate things are not going to be the same but I hope we can change things for the better and achieve a greater understanding and can bring us closer together. It’s also a chance for you to look at what you want from our relationships given these revelations. I will make every endeavour to accommodate what you want. Try me and my new self you may be surprised how calmer and more relaxed I am in my ‘femme’ side. Please give it a chance for all we hold dear.

OK we Trannies like to dress and enjoy the whole aspect of transforming ourselves into our alter ego. Well I do and that is the whole purpose of these blogs! But the main question we constantly ask is what drives us to be like this and why do I consistently need to come back to this? Why can I go some time without dressing and then something sets it off and the girl emerges?

From my initial experiences of dressing I know it was very much a bit of sexual fun. In the early years I got very excited by the whole turn-on of dressing and enjoyed the immense physical thrill of it all in mind and body! This was a rare activity in a busy life and my reasons for doing this were mixed. But as the years progressed I now realise it has become a much deeper experience and an essential part of me. The thrill and excitement of the whole process of getting ‘made-up’ has now been replaced by a need to achieve that calmness that I now get from being dressed. But what was driving this? Why at times do I have this internal desire to get out as Tara that is way beyond the initial heady rush of being dressed?

Having been loosely involved with my girlfriend Susie’s dressing service Chateau Femme I have been exposed to others like myself who have moved down the path from realising this is something they like to do to the reality that it is innate within them. I have as a result found several reasons why this might occur. I am sure there are others but this is how I see the majority of us being driven into this world of the ‘third sex’.

Firstly for some there’s still that strong sexual nature to the whole aspect of dressing. It is an intensely erotic feeling when one dresses. You seem to be fulfilling an internal desire and the whole process of changing from the male to female persona is an incredibly sensual ride. I can still remember the first time I put stockings on bear legs!!! Part of this is the whole change of mindset and just physically letting go. I have alluded to it in previous posts about switching off and de-stressing. Some do it very quickly, for others it takes a couple of days for that change of mindset. For some it’s the wig for others its shoes we all have different drives but there is no doubt when dressed we find ourselves in a altered state of heightened excitement which as the years progress becomes much more internalised than that thing in your pants! For some of us however this desire of being physically turned-on never goes away. This is the core reason why many dress and this can lead to an altered state of sexuality that we would never have in boy mode. This allows us to fulfil fantasies that we would otherwise leave in our minds, it somehow gives us permission to experiment behind the mask of the girl. For a lot of us this is where we stop and allow ourselves just to enjoy this for what it is.
Sexy Fun.

The second area is what I call the reflected person. This relates to either something we may have experienced with a female family member as a child or an attitude to a girlfriend or lover. Some Trannies can look far back into their childhood and identify some act that has forever been etched on their mind and has driven this fantasy into reality. Their mother’s stockings, a secretary’s skirt, a red lipstick, a wedding dress. These become the springboard for their next steps in Transvestism. This is bordering on compulsion and it does become the key driver in your dressing activities.

Many of us like to adopt a look that we would ideally like our girlfriend or lover to look like, but for reasons, mainly how society judges them, they would never be out in that attire or that look!. ‘That is far too short a skirt a woman of my age can wear in today’s society!’ We as Trannys can get away with it because we are a bit of an aberration and do not conform to society’s norms. But we are missing that element in our lives and this helps us to cope with it not being around the house. This then gives us an excuse to indulge as we see fit and not as others expect us to do. So many people will say about other women ‘My God she looks like a Tranny’ because of the way she is dressed. Of course so many Trannies do dress in a very provocative and highly tarty manner. In most cases this their choice of the style they would like to portray and not a wardrobe malfunction. They do not seek to ‘pass’ they seek to show off the things they enjoy seeing on others. Many will see themselves as having great legs or they just like legs so will wear a short skirt. Others its a bosom fetish so the chest grows exponentially. For some its a blonde for others its a pair of heels and so on. The way they dress is a genuine expression of how they want to look when they see themselves in the mirror.

A third viewpoint is the whole aspect of fetishistic dressing that drives the way they are doing something that is not really acceptable. The fact that it is a bit naughty, a little vulgar and racy creates a certain frisson that is both exciting and liberating. By indulging we release an inner fun-seeker that sees this as a part of their playful self. I know that I should not be wearing a dress, far less a short dress out in public but, oh it’s such fun to be the centre of scrutiny! To be doing things that are risqué and provocative The fetishistic side can also manifest itself in the attraction to particular types of clothes, materials or aspects of dressing but this is more for a cross-dresser than a Tranny. A Tranny enjoys the complete transformation and the whole change of personality that goes with it. They then want to get out and show off either in public or at targeted clubs. I like to think that with a little confidence and belief most Trannies would like to get out if they could as its part of gaining recognition and acknowledgement for who/what they are! The whole dressing builds their own internal esteem by letting the inner slut out!

For some dressing is about identity. The fact that in male form they attract little or no interest but by being ‘different’ they somehow find a place and recognition from those around them that they would otherwise not gain. No longer that grey normal man in the corner who is not really interesting now a point of interest that people want to talk to. It gives them purpose and the social status that they crave. I know if I was dressed as a male I would be sitting on my own at a bar for most of the evening having to make conversation as there are so many people like me. But dressed as Tara I represent something different and others never fail to talk to me even if I am at the same bar on my own! I may be seen as an oddball but it’s far worse to be invisible if there is that gregarious person inside me that wants to get out! Its not necessarily about showing off just being different both for ourselves and for others that with a little change of mindset for others makes us part of life’s rich tapestry. Yes there are some that are offended but far better to have that and be noticed!

Showing off may be one thing but I do see a very large number who use dressing as an element of escapism from their day-to-day issues. Many are unhappy with their lot, others are just very stressed, some spend their whole day making decisions and want to get away from it, some like me love the way in which I can stop the world for a little while and live totally in the moment. A switch off mechanism or should that be some form of alternative meditation?

Dressing to this group is a route to get away from it all. For a period of time it takes away all the anxiety of tomorrow by allowing them to live in the present. In male mode we are trying to sort out problems, we are planning our future, thinking of what we have to do to protect our loved ones, how we can make ends meet etc. When we are dressed we can purely focus on the moment and escape into a mindfulness that allows us to enjoy the present.

The female side also allows them to give way to their inner self which in the day is hidden, They are allowed to let those feelings come out when dressed. They can get away from the ‘Man Up’ attitude of society that conditions them to act in a way that is alien to the way they really are. They are expected to be the breadwinner, be the leader, be the big hairy person who comforts all around, the person they should look up to as a role model and not put a foot wrong. They have to be strong in times of crisis and not have feelings. ‘For God’s sake it is not a man’s place to cry’ and they should bottle up those feelings whilst other around and unburden theirs.

Putting on a dress, makeup, heels and wig allows another person to emerge. We can change our identity into that inner person. A more genteel side can be brought to the front that has been hidden far away from what people expect from them. This is why it’s very difficult for Trannies to tell their partner. It’s not how they are expected to be. But a true feeling person does emerge.

None, and I mean none, of the Trannies I know are bad people to each other or those around them. They are so much more gentle and caring when dressed. OK they can be a bit bitchy and want to talk about themselves all the time, but most are encouraging and try to be helpful particularly to newcomers. They enjoy the moment they are living in and the fun they can have. All of us are a little selfish as we know that very soon this time of escapism will come to an end and we have to make the most of it! When it does end they experience mixed emotions. The fact that they are losing the ‘girl’ and re-entering the big world is a downer but the memories of the fun time will sustain them until the next.

How and when those next times arise are very different. A friend of mine says the dressing urge abates with every new girlfriend who normally departs on discovering his other side as they can’t cope with the two personalities. However, on his own, the girl comes out from those deeper reaches. Another is a high powered executive making multi million dollar deals on a daily basis. The girl side allows him to forget everything and give into a sissy side that hands control to others. One is just at a time in life where the empty nest has resulted in him being able to reassess his life/marriage and the girl releases a side of his personality that he/she has kept hidden for so long. Others are dabbling with Transsexualism and going through a bit of a gender crisis. The dressing is a starting point to looking at their whole identity. Some feel that their real personality in male form is completely suppressed and that, as a Tranny we can be a little naughty and express ourselves far more openly. To some it’s pure escapism from the drudgery of a boring life again allowing them to enhance their lives.

I have said in the title that I thought that dressing was a coping strategy for life. A way to allow one to overcome issues one may have because so many feelings and emotions are hidden and need to get out. But having written this article I realise it’s deeper than that and it’s a mix of reasons. Being a Tranny is an essential part of you that needs to have some form of expression that is away from the norms of our daily existence, that does not conform, that allows us to be expressive and sexy.

Yes sexy, to some a short mini skirt is sexy to others a wedding dress, for another office suit, a long summer dress whatever. It’s allowing you to make a clear statement about you that does not conform to designated standard average as defined by society. Yawn!

So whatever drives you and floats your boat just enjoy the moment because the boy side will be back and let’s be honest you like that side as well. If not you are not in my humble opinion a Trannny! XXX

Sorry I have been absent for some time it has purely been about taking a pause for breath. Sometimes the whole Trannying thing can be too much. It can take over and dictate your life far, far too much. Especially if like me you see it as a great hobby a bit of fun and a sexy pastime. But from time to time it can start to dominate your waking and sleeping moments. You are constantly planning your next outing, buying clothes, deciding on places/events to go to, who to go with etc. It’s all part of that buzz of being ‘the girl’. The days leading up to the event are awash with many alternative thoughts as to what you might do, if you might be recognised, if you might get some abuse, will you really look that good. It’s a heady whirl of fun for a few hours when you relax as the other person.

AppleMark

This is great and just like any fun you have to be aware of it turning into an addiction. If you are not going to move down the Trans route then you desperately need to balance things for your life, your partner, your friends and family. Trannies by their nature are selfish beasts because they rarely get to dress. So when they are in girl mode they want to talk about themselves and their alternative identity to the exclusion of all others. This in the main is because we don’t really understand why we are as we are and we want to find out more about ourselves by discussing it on our terms. We do this because we have limited time as ‘the girl’ and enjoy indulging in it for very very selfish reasons. Its innate within us for sure but very hard to describe why. This selfishness however can have a detrimental effect on those around us.

Susie my partner who runs the Chateau Femme dressing service sees this all the time. With so many girls all she has to ask is how are you? 30 minutes later there is a pause for breath for the next question. How are you feeling? Then 30 minutes later and so on you get my drift? The girls love this release and the chance to discuss with someone their innermost thoughts and feelings which are normally hidden in this ‘Man Up’ world. There is no real chat about the weather. politics, the economy just about the girl inside. This is fine in a dressing situation because it is about the girl and Susie intrinsically understands the need for a release of those pent up emotions. She knows that in reality we can only truly talk about our femme side when dressed and in many cases this is all to infrequent and the bottled up emotions come flooding out as soon as the wig goes on (see my previous post)!

However when it comes to social occasions I find all to frequently that many girls continue with this diatribe to the exclusion of all others in the group. They just have to get it out and try to turn all conversations to their inner thoughts about me, me, me. The result is that you watch the group switching off, good conversation does not flow and it ruins the night for others.

Occasionally talking about yourself is fine as long as it’s not a permanent part of the conversation. You have to start considering others. I know in the past I have had a dammit attitude and this has affected my relationships with others. It is also good to take a long hard look at yourself.

I recently had some time off from Tara to reflect on myself and you relationship with Susie. She was concerned the Tara side was becoming too frequent because she likes the boy side as well. I was concerned that I was doing Tara purely to help her and not really doing it for myself. The law of diminishing returns was being invoked and there was friction. We needed some space to have a good look at where things were going!

I was quite surprised how quickly I did not miss Tara. I approached things from a fresher perspective knowing this elephant was not in the room and did not have to plan anything around her, so had plenty of time to get on with the other side of my life. All thoughts of Tara went to the back of my mind and I got on with living and loving! We had no discussions or chit chat about Tara for 2 weeks and she was put firmly away for a month. However as the month progressed we started to talk about what it meant to both of us and we found we had so much common ground that had been lost in a couple of issues we had.

I realised that I had got into the wrong mindset (for me) of Tara and was sending out the wrong signals (unintentional) in the way I might dress and how I acted. Susie saw that she also had taken the ‘clues’ in the wrong way and that she actually liked the girl side around as well. We came not to a compromise but to a middle way that actually has been so beneficial to us both.

I have now purposely limited the amount of times I dress and as a result as I get a bigger hit. Its the old maxim, less is more, though this should not be applied to the length of your dress!!. I go out less often and we always go out together! The result has put control and balance in our lives as both of us have to chose our timings very considerately and carefully. We are much much happier for this. This I might add was our solution it is not a panacea for all.

You might say this is great for couples but what if I am single? In my opinion the same applies as I have seen so many girls who see the whole dressing side dominating their every waking moment and this in itself causes stress and sometimes depression. In some ways it can be a fill-in for boredom, an extra in a life that may not have sex at the moment, some just like looking pretty, others find the whole mindset de-stressing getaway from the issues of day-to-day life.

But the thing is this is not genuine reality. When you take the wig and slap off you still see the bloke in the mirror and that is not going to go away. What you have to do is enjoy the moment on a regular and structured basis and not let it drive you. Accept that is part of you yes, it is not going to go away by some form of magic. If you are not going down the TS route then this is a fun side of you that happens from time to time. Start for example by saying ‘right I will dress only once a week’ and see what the effect is. Plan the day but don’t get over obsessed as this being the highlight of your week, Just get on and enjoy. After a month look back and see if you are enjoying things more or less and then adapt. But put a measure of control on it for your own sanity!

This applies particularly to those who are coming to dressing for the first time. That heady rush that you get from realising that this is innate to you, you have denied yourself for so long and suddenly you want to make up for lost time, to catch up with the others who have been out long before you. You realise there are so many things to explore and learn to get out to so many places to meet others. But stop it will happen in time but you cannot let it become your exclusive preserve to the exclusion of all those around you. You need balance and have to reign those desires in and manage the competing demands on your time. Stop being selfish and realise that life is about others as well. Here endeth the first lesson!!!

OK being a Transvestite is not exactly the norm in society but why do so many of us have a guilt complex about being one? I have always maintained that the principle reason for this is that society inculcates and indoctrinates us with certain so called rules or standards from a very early age that we all feel guilty when we break them. Take for example Religion. At school we had to take Religious Education and in some cases were forced to attend Church/Mosque/Shrine to instil certain beliefs. If we come to decide that these beliefs are false we still feel guilty when we say we do not believe in parts of the teaching that appear wrong. So when we dress and get a certain amount of pleasure out of it we are driven by a sense of guilt that what we are doing is wrong.

This is based on a fallacious proposition. Who are we offending? What is so wrong with a man to put on a dress after all women wear trousers? High heels were a huge male fashion item in the seventeenth century why are they so stereotyped now? Why can’t a person alter their shape to a more appealing form? Men as as a generalisation have better legs than women why can’t they show them off in a short skirt and nylons I think This is because in today’s society image conscious the man is meant to look, well ‘masculine’and the woman is meant to be ‘pretty’! There are no written rules but a he’ll of a lot of prejudice. If the man should waver into being pretty then it starts to bugger up all the roles and status in society and well it’s just not manly, and woe betide the man that looks prettier than a woman…bitch …bitch! So the reality is its us the Trannies, or is that Trannys, who have to change our mindset and say ‘Sod It Society’ I am an independent free thinker who does not want to offend but finds certain things others may see as so called offensive a totally baseless proposition and, even as a man, I am going to get on with it! Damn your preconceived perceptions of what a Tranny is and does. Denying this to yourself can be bad for your health with frustration, stress and the constant thinking as to when you can next dress distracting you from so many more important things such as your family’s health and lifestyle. It’s a strong force within but no where near the top of things such as a roof over your head and a meal on the table. But it’s still a strong aesthetic drive.

The thing for us Transvestites is that we do not have a specific term of reference in the same way as a Transsexual has. In most cases the TS has known they wanted to be a girl from an early age. Transsexuals identify with gender, many say Transvestites identify with sexuality. But I think it’s too simplistic. Put tenTrannies in a room and you will get ten different reasons why they dress. Try explaining why you like to dress to someone and it is quite difficult to communicate the fact that it just feels so right to your inner being. I am amazed when Transvestites congregate around the table there is a very clear understanding between them what they are feeling on the in..side and even though many Genetic Girls might be present they have great difficulty comprehending what is going on inside that crazy mixed up mind. They have empathy but not understanding. This is one of the reasons why wives cannot comprehend why their husband wants to dress, it’s those inner feelings which cannot be explained in words alone. I also think there are other reasons for partners rejecting the Tranny such as mix up of role models in the family and social perspective problems but I have talked about these in other posts, so will not dwell.

What I think motivates this need to dress is that there is probably a male and female aspect to our personality and we identify with both parts to a certain degree in our make-up. I think a Transsexual whilst accepting there may be a small male part to her identifies much more clearly with the feminine side and that is her strongest drive. With the Transvestite the masculine aspect is a much stronger persona but the feminine side is something that has to be indulged from time to time to maintain balance of the whole.The regularity of this of course varies from person top person.

I like both sides but my male side is the more dominant driver through my choice not society’s. Tara is about creating an illusion, a fantasy an element of fun escapism.This is not my own hair, face, boobs, shape, in fact its almost an artform (Oh God Grayson Perry comes to mind here!), But it is a definite fantasy and the male side is the more boring reality. I have always said I adore the change of mindset that comes from boy to femme and that has always been the thing that floats my boat allowing true escapism. A good friend of mine has found the feminine side has given her immense calm and focus in her life and spends most of her time enfemme! Even contemplating the chop! However she still has to dress as the male from time-to-time for society as her family (and girlfriends) are not as accepting of the female. It’s such a shame so many people still frown about such a small thing.

I also love the fact that many from my group of Transvestites move down the road from dressing to identifying that they have a more female dominant part to their persona and then start down the Transsexual route. I feel we have helped them discover themselves and sometimes some inner peace. What pisses me off though is how many of them then become like reformed smokers and look with disdain at their old friends who have not ‘become a true woman’ in their minds and subsequently reject the group that allowed them to discover their new route. Ironically they now look at us as social lepers who no longer conform to their new standards. They ironically have moved back to society’s norms. So hypocritical! Bitch Bitch!

Come on Tara stop bitching and get on with life it’s far too short to worry what others are thinking!

(Ironically I found this letter to Society from a woman which had me drawing two different thought processes one was good for you girl the other was…I so want to do so many of those things you want to stop).

I have always said being a Transvestite is a great pastime and is just one part of my personality. It allows me a form of expression that has quite a schizophrenic nature to it which I relish. The boy is very different from the girl and I try to maintain distance between them. I have always loved the flip from boy to girl. But I have always thought that I am quite happily in control of both sides even though I of course let the girl run a little wild from time to time. At least this was what I said to a group of co-conspirators the other night. A good friend, Danni Stone, begged to differ and likened it much more to a struggle against a strong impulse or urge that desperately needed to be satisfied and in reality I was not in control. The fact that this has been a constant in my persona for so long even though I knew society frowned upon it in general but I still pursued it with all the issues it gave me. I was giving into something that I was not supposed to be doing. But the urge was so strong I gave in to temptation!

What Turns You On?

Because this transition is not a permanent one it has several downsides. For example Danni and I both agreed that one of the worst failings we had was that we tended to buy a new outfit and wear it only once or twice before the thrill of the newness of the outfit might wear off a bit. We had tried one look and would go in search of a new one purely because we did not get enough time to dress as much as we would sometimes like. We would like to buy a new outfit for the pure exhiliaration of a new look. This to many can also apply to the venues you go out to the types of people you meet. Many of the girls I hang out with love the shock value of what their arrival somewhere can achieve in a new bar or club. They constantly need to look for a new ‘hit’. One girl I know started her outside life in an normal hotel bar and within 6 months was trying working men’s clubs for a new fix! I know another buys a Chanel suit every 3 months and wears it twice! Is this who we are or is it becoming obsessive? We know its not our whole life but it is a lifestyle we adore.

In fact I would maintain most of us need a new hit be it in the form of an outfit, games at home, nights out or cyber fun! Its part of the nature of what dressing does to us inside and I am sure if this sexy and extrovert drive subsides then probably the drive to dress might also wane. Bad news though many of my good friends are in their 70’s and 80’s and it has not subsided! And yes of course for some actual sex itself and its causal nature is also a very strong drive. So many girls love the fact that people come up to talk to them, compliment and proposition them when dressed rather than they are left in the corner when they are in ‘boy mode’. So are we in control?

But Which Side Will Win?

Well I suppose the answer is start to take stock? Is this constantly at the front of your mind dominating your day-to-day thoughts? Are you getting frustrated if you are not getting dressed? Are you continuously planning your next night out? Is the spending on ebay starting to mount? Is your girl wardrobe well ahead of the boy’s? Do you find yourself looking through too many fashion periodicals or hours on the internet adding to your Facebook and Pinterest sites? Are you writing too many blogs about being a Tranny to justify it? If you answer affirmatively to any of these then probably Danni was right and we have to get a grip on things. Have a conversation with yourself and look at the real priorities in our life Establish some rules and boundaries. Also look at what you really want to get out of being dressed and make sure that these come into line. Then when you agree the time is right for God’s sake girl go for it!! XXX

Fear is the biggest reason and excuse for not doing something. Inaction seems to be the reason to avoid the potential negative consequences of what might happen should you actually do something. Not doing something leads to frustration, lower self worth and the wrong downward spiral. So start thinking about doing something and break this malaise!

How many times have I wished that I became more open about my dressing much earlier than I did. How many people who attend my girlfriend’s dressing service Chateau Femme say they wished they had had the stomach to do this at a much younger age. And how many times have we heard from people who on going out for the first time say, damn this was such fun I just wished I had done it earlier. Fear my dear fear!

Its a New Year and we are all making numerous resolutions and for many Trannies it is normally I must get out once/more/lots more! But we put endless reasons in the way as to why we should not do something rather than look at the positives we will gain from new activities. Susan Jeffers in her excellent book Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway highlights firstly that the main reason why we succumb to fear is that we cant handle the consequences. She goes on to show how by rationalising and diminishing these fears in your mind you develop more trust and confidence in yourself and the problems that may arise can be handled and are less of a barrier to doing something. Firstly however you have to confront your fears.

Trannies have a phenomenal library of reasons as to why we can’t handle this whole dressing thing. It’s not acceptable to society in general, its offensive to your family, others don’t want to be associated with you because they worry about what people will say about them being seen with a Transvestite. You see it as a perversion not a part of your make up and persona. People say its not innate just a sick pastime. How do you tell anyone about this subject? How do you get out of the front door without being recognised? How do you hide your clothes from the family? The list is endless and the brick wall of reasons for not doing something are close to the Great Wall of China.

All these fears and many, many more conspire to stop you doing something that feels totally innate within you. The reality is that well over 90% of our fears never come to fruition but we focus on the 10% because its a reason not to do something. We say No not Yes for comfort. Where these come from you can analyse ’til the cows come home but where it is going to take you is in your hands alone and these fears have to be conquered if you really want to move forward. You have to start saying Yes not No. I can’t offer a simple solution in one blog but hopefully help you with a bit of a reality check. I am going to focus on going out as probably the greatest barrier we put up and one of the easiest to conquer.

Lets get a few things straight. It is not a crime to dress as a woman and go out unless you are just being downright vulgar. If women can wear men’s attire why is it so wrong for the reverse? You are not the first crossdresser out there and society is now becoming quite accustomed to seeing them in public. There are very very few documented assaults either verbal or physical on TV’s. The chances of you being clocked in your wig and make up are very very small especially if you are not out in your home town.

I know you are out of your general comfort zone but isn’t that part of the fun. The whole excess of this activity is one part of the drive that makes you up. It is about sex but not necessarily sexual (see previous blogs) and for many that one of the three key personal drivers (along with money and power) that if not sated can cause changes in your character. Stop listening to the denial people. Those who have absolutely no idea what is going on in your mind cannot dictate your actions as long as those actions do not offend others. Do not let others put you down and give you a reason to back out. You have to do it once to realise its you who is putting up the barriers and in reality they are nonsensical.

OK now you have got over the societal implications now there are the practicalities. The bulk of Trannys, particularly on their first time out are read as being exactly that. I see them, you see them, we all see them and we let them get on with it. So what is the problem? The problem is with you. You have to turn off that voice in your head that says no no no. You may not have great make up, you may stagger a bit in your heels, your voice is deep, you sit like a man at table, that dress is a bit too short and . All those will come with time, if you want them, but in the meantime just stop worrying about the small stuff. You may encounter a bit of whispering but counteract that thought with the fun you are having by being out. You are an oddity but not an offensive one. Just plan how to handle things ahead of time.

Susie wrote a good article to help you become confident on going out for the first time in her Chateau Femme Blog. Use this as a starting point if this blog has inspired you. Many of us have gone through these steps and nothing comes close to the combination of fear and exhilaration of the first time you have the courage to get out.

Believe me after your first time out your zone of comfort for going out will grow and the more you go out the less those ridiculous fears will disperse. I would however put a note of caution. Do still be aware what is going on around you as sometimes you can send out the wrong signals in your dress, mannerisms and actions. As a femme Transvestite you will attract a lot more attention of both the right and sometimes wrong persuasion. Its something many of us rough men cannot believe that when you are dressed others comet talk to you! Suddenly the social tables we are used to are turned and we find what it is like to be talked to first by both men and women alike. Quite exhilarating actually but at the same time odd to deal with.

The point is its not as big a deal as you make it out to be just follow Susie’s simple rules and you will be amazed what fun it is! If by any chance you would like a night out on the Souith Coast of England with a mad bunch of similar minded Trannies come see our page for Susie’s Angels on Facebook. Hope to see you soon XXX