Link Love (2016-02-16)

Thought-provoking

“You are perceptive when you note that he is treating you like a certain value of girlfriend – slotting you in as “automatic social plus one” and “unquestioning absorber my emotional stuff at the end of a every day.” I mean, about that, I am someone’s girlfriend and I have also had to have the “This thing where you come home and rant about your job, sometimes telling me exactly the same thing in exactly the same words several days in a row, is BUGGING ME QUITE A LOT” talk. That talk has ended happily, thank goodness, with the acquisition of a good therapist and a farewell to jobs that cause hours and hours of ranting. I offer it as an illustration that “girlfriend” does not equal “every feeling your man has is yours to process with him in real time!” You can love someone, empathize with them, want to know most of their thoughts, share most of yours, and still set limits and still expect “Is now a good time to talk?” to be a real question where “nope!” is one possible answer.” #747: Being the unwilling emotional caryatid in your house – Captain Awkward

“Ms Namazie, who fled Iran with her family in 1980 after the revolution, said she was likely to have spoken about apostasy, blasphemy and nudity in the age of Isis. She told The Independentshe was “angry” her talk had been blocked.
“They’re basically labelling me a racist and an extremist for speaking out against Islam and Islamism,” she said.
“If people like me who fled an Islamist regime can’t speak out about my opposition to the far-right Islamic movement, if I can’t criticise Islam… that leaves very [few] options for me as a dissenter because the only thing I have is my freedom of expression.
“If anyone is inciting hatred, it’s the Islamists who are threatening people like me just for deciding we want to be atheist, just because we don’t want to toe the line.”” Maryam Namazie: Secular activist barred from speaking at Warwick University over fears of ‘inciting hatred’ against Muslim students – The Independent

“I explained to Sally that sometimes things we do or believe will make others sad and that we can’t always control that and it’s not our fault. I explained that it’s not reasonable for her grandmother to expect her children to share her beliefs. I didn’t want her thinking that it’s her responsibility to constantly keep those around her from feeling sad. It’s not. But, I told her, we do get to choose how open we want to be with any given individual about what we believe or think.
And now I’m sitting here, typing all of this up, and I’m honestly not sure I’ve made the right decisions. Perhaps it would have been better to simply tell my mother, years ago, that I don’t believe in God but that I don’t want to get into it with her. It’s been long enough, now, that I don’t even know how I would go about telling her. Is choosing not to tell her a part of me setting my own boundaries, or is it me being a coward?” My Atheist Daughter and Her Evangelical Grandmother – Love, Joy, Feminism

Equality

This reminds me of when I ended up in the ER the last time I was in DK. The most pain I have ever been in, literally screaming from the pain – the ER doctor had to give me morphine before she could even examine me. She wanted to admit me, but the admitting (male) doctor refused, without having even seen me. I was sent home with more morphine.
In the end I was okay, we never found out where the pain came from (when I had an ultrasound done, once back in Ireland, the doctors were surprised why it hadn’t been done in the ER at the time).
Both from my own, and other women’s experiences, I know that female pain is not taken as seriously as male pain. And that’s not okay.
““Female pain might be perceived as constructed or exaggerated”: We saw this from the moment we entered the hospital, as the staff downplayed Rachel’s pain, even plain ignored it. In her essay, Jamison refers back to “The Girl Who Cried Pain,” a study identifying ways gender bias tends to play out in clinical pain management. Women are “more likely to be treated less aggressively in their initial encounters with the health-care system until they ‘prove that they are as sick as male patients,’” the study concludes—a phenomenon referred to in the medical community as “Yentl Syndrome.”” How Doctors Take Women’s Pain Less Seriously – The Atlantic

“So, when you are talking shit, look at the shit you are saying. Don’t keep spewing the same old shit people have been spewing forever because it’s easy. The next time you feel a rant coming on catch yourself before you pull the “crazy” trigger. Not because it’s “politically correct” but because it’s actually correct. Not because people will make you feel bad but because you’re being lazy. Not because you should be taking it easy on the person who you are angry at but because you should be trying harder to insult them better.” Calling People “Crazy” is Lazy. Do This Instead! – Redhead Beadhead

Inspirational

“Tara explained that, in her vast experiences as a therapist and a meditation teacher, often when there’s a major shift for someone, it’s not catalyzed by a change in habits or even in their understanding of the problem. Rather, it’s a change in how the person is talking to themselves, relating to themselves, around whatever they are struggling with.
It was a powerful reminder to me: we can be kinder to ourselves about everything.Acceptance of what’s here now is the foundation for any kind of profound personal change.
So my question for you today is this: whatever you are bothered by most in yourself or in your life, whatever you are struggling with most, can you see you own suffering, your own trying, your own dear heart, and be kinder to yourself about it?” the first question – Tara Sophia Mohr

“This idea is not new to me. I often reference the “orchid child” analogy to describe one of my own kids. (Dandelions can thrive almost anywhere, but orchids require a very specific environment to bloom.) The concept is similar.
The idea isn’t new, but I never thought it applied to me. However, like Harris, I need careful mental and physical upkeep in order to stay balanced. And like Harris, I started my own journey when my anxiety switch was flipped on 9/11. (Anxiety isn’t at the heart of my struggle, like it was for Harris, but when I don’t take decent care of myself, I’m much more vulnerably to anxiety, and at that point it can quickly turn into a big deal.)
My circumstances weren’t nearly as dramatic as his, and yet—I used to pride myself on being pretty low-maintenance, and now I’m just not. At least not in these areas, where I require the thoroughbred (or orchid) treatment:” The five areas where I can’t afford to be low-maintenance – Modern Mrs Darcy

Chronic Illness & Pain

“Every cell in our body contains mitochondria. It is the mitochondria that determine how much energy we have available on a daily basis. The symptom that arises when energy demand exceeds energy delivery is fatigue. In my last post, I explained what mitochondrial dysfunction is and how it leads to not only fatigue but to pain many other fibromyalgia symptoms as well. Today we will look at how we can improve mitochondrial function.” How to Improve Mitochondrial Function – Fibrodaze

“Here is a good way to tell if you have orthostatic intolerance. You are walking around the supermarket for fifteen minutes and you are doing alright. The act of walking helps to circulate blood to your brain by the muscle contractions in your legs. Then you stand at the check-out counter and the person in front of you has lots of coupons. You stand still for ten minutes and then you feel that you have to lie down. The standing still causes blood to pool in the legs and less gets to the brain. This is orthostatic intolerance.” Dr. Bell on Understanding Orthostatic Intolerance in Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia – Health Rising

Health

“Health-conscious people are haunted by the idea that they “should” correct their posture, and many fight a chronic, uncertain and tedious battle against crookedness. But is it necessary? Can aches and pains be traced to “poor posture” in the first place? Even if they can, is it actually possible to improve posture? The characteristic ways that we sit and stand and walk are among the strongest of all habits, with deep roots in personality — and so changing your posture may be just as difficult as quitting smoking or potato chips. It had better be worth the effort!” Posture Correction: Does it matter? – Pain Science

“Let me back up for a minute and say I’m not an absolutist who believes screens have no place in a child’s home or education. I don’t think this discussion can be reduced to the “big, bad iPad.” It amazes me what can be illustrated through video or interactive demonstration on a classroom tablet. I’m amazed at some of the things my kids can do as a result of their experience with technology and with what’s available to them (photos of Pluto, anyone?). I just don’t ever want them to lose sight of the fact that the virtual world is a lesser reflection of (and simple tool) for the pretty awesome real world.
Nor do I have interest in joining the angry fervor that gets pinned on some random stranger who suddenly becomes the social media effigy of bad parenting just because someone saw her at the park when she was on her phone and decided to write an article about how she was all that’s wrong about American parenting today. Call me stubborn, but I question the benefit of pinning a society-wide problem on a single individual. With this in mind, I don’t automatically judge the person who allows his/her child to play on the phone in the grocery store line or in a barber shop chair. How do I know what kind of day it’s been for that family? And who am I to know what kind of emotional or sensory experience sitting in a raised chair with scissors in his face might be for that 4-year-old kid? It’s not about judging someone’s strategic use of technology.
All that said, I don’t think this precludes anyone from suggesting it’s time to deal with the broader trends here. Assuming we start with ourselves, what does a solution look like? Let me throw out some ideas….” What Screen Time Does to Our Kids (and What We Can Do About It) – Mark’s Daily Apple

“Whatever brought you to the blog – whether you are hoping to lose weight, gain energy, upgrade your brain, hack your food cravings, or just feel great all the time – welcome!
The Bulletproof blog has been around for a few years now. All the information can be overwhelming to a newcomer, so we’ve collected some posts that are especially helpful when you’re starting to go Bulletproof.” Going Bulletproof for Beginners – Bulletproof Executive