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Sunday, March 2, 2014

Mmm, seafood!

EMPEROR MOLLUSK VERSUS THE SINISTER BRAINA. Lee MartinezOrbit 2012

Reviewed by Carol ★ ★ ★ ★

It’s been a stressful month and I’ve had
a challenging time finishing the ‘serious’ books malingering on my
shelf. I recently picked up my Kindle (after charging it–I really prefer
paper) and discovered this little gem hidden near the end of my title
list, one of those bargain purchases I was saving for a rainy day. Or
snowy day. Whichever–I think we’re going to have both
tomorrow–thunderstorms and eventual snow. At any rate, I rather enjoy A.
Lee Martinez’ books, but I recognize they work best for a certain kind
of mood, the mood that wants fun, clever, and even silly, with feel-good
endings. Emperor Mollusk perfectly fit my mood, and to my surprised, proved almost impossible to put down. Think
every sci-fi/horror pulpy trope of the 1960s. They’re here, and they’re
hysterical. But what’s even better is that Martinez takes this beyond
parody by exploring evil, ethics and science through very human inhuman
characters.

Poor (former) Emperor Mollusk. He’s been exiled from his native watery planet of Neptune, Saturnites hate him, and “the
Venusians had had it in for me since I’d tried to conquer their planet
after falling short on Neptune. I hadn’t really come close to
subjugating Venus. Only claimed a couple of continents for a few weeks.
No reason they shouldn’t have been over that by now.” Luckily, he conquered Earth
Terra, so he still has somewhere to live. But even an Emperor of a
world can get a little dull after you’ve solved a few of humanity’s
larger problems.

He’s trying to back down from the
emperor thing and live a quiet life pursing his scientific research.
He’s on a grocery store run when his reptilian Venusian arch-enemy
arrives, Commander Zala. She wants to take him into protective custody,
much to his surprise (he was expecting her to ‘bring him to justice’).
Venusian intelligence has discovered a plot to assassinate Mollusk, and
she considers it her duty to protect him until he is legally sentenced
to death in Venusian court. Mollusk has no intention of going to Venus
just to avoid another minor assassination attempt, so Zala assigns
herself and her team as his bodyguards. The first attempt comes at his
townhouse, and Mollusk, Zala and Mollusk’s faithful pet ultrapede (evil
geniuses need disgusting pets) are soon investigating a trail of
sinister clues that take them through classic B-movie sets as they seek
to uncover the assassin and foil his sinister plot to rule the universe.

“While under normal circumstances, challenging the space-time continuum sounded like fun, I had a planet to save.”

Mollusk represents the ultimate in the
scientific pursuit of information. Unfortunately, he occasionally
displays a notable lack of judgement:

“I also thought storing my most
dangerous technology on a dimensionally unstable island full of mutant
dinosaurs would be safe. Much as it pains me to admit it, I do make my
share of mistakes.“

Emperor Mollusk
essentially follows a linear time frame, but does have a few interludes
from his past that give a little insight into his complex character.
Martinez achieves a perfect first-person narrative voice–dry, analytical
and amazingly egocentric, he achieves a perfectly believable
arch-villain. However, he’s also somewhat sympathetic, through a very
dry sense of humor and an awareness of his social failings. He is not
entirely sure how to compensate, despite his formidable brain. Still,
he’s glad of Zala’s company, even if he doesn’t trust her:
“In a chaotic equation, she was among the constants. It was nice to have something to rely on.”

Martinez does a nice job of playing with the conventions of sci-fi/hero movies, giving them a broad wink in his writing:

“‘It’s a plan,’ I said. ‘Just not a very good one. If you have a better one, please share it.’Zala’s
feathers ruffled. She waved her arms in a sweeping gesture around the
lab. ‘Use this. Do something. Notice some tiny detail. Jump to some
ridiculous conclusion. Do what you do, Emperor.’“

There’s load of clever wordplay, often based on the absurdity of the set-up:

“He turned and led us to our suite. The
unspoken understanding was that none of this was free, but a cephalopod
of refinement didn’t comment on such things.”

“‘It’s an interesting theory,’ she
agreed, ‘but there’s an old Venusian adage. ‘The hungriest clug can eat
frot-shaped stones all day.’ ‘I’m familiar with the expression.’ ‘Then I trust I don’t have to explain it to you. Seeing as how you are so much smarter than I.’”

Giggle. Yes, it’s a variety of parody.
But it’s elevated above simple mocking by heart, fun characterization,
and an anti-buddy antagonist coupling that was fun to watch. And, I
shudder to admit it, but I rather liked the ultrapede and her tendency
to shriek with enthusiasm. Martinez surprised me with what he did, and I
ended up devouring the book in a day. Consider it highly recommended,
with the caveat that it be read with tongue firmly in cheek.

The denouement, like all super-villain
plots, was needlessly complicated, but Martinez completely make me laugh
out loud with the sidekick summation:

[for heaven's sake, people, SPOILER!]

“You were tricking them into thinking they were tricking you into thinking you were tricking them into tricking you?“

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