At the 3:20 mark in the clip above, Andy Dick (looking like Courtney Love) awkwardly and drunkenly climbs up next to a sitting male audience member and lifts up his gypsy skirt before giving the dude a cheek full of NO!!!!!!! That male audience member is way too calm, because if Andy Dick’s crotch started creeping towards your face, the theme song from JAWS would start filling your head and you’d immediately stop, drop and roll to the nearest exit out of fear that if you don’t, a dark-sided image will be branded into your brain and not even a million kitten videos will be able to banish it. But the dude stayed sitting and now he’s suing.

TMZ reports that Robert Tucker filed a lawsuit against Andy Dick, claiming that he was degraded and humiliated when Daphne Aguilera allegedly gave his face a peen massage during a performance at a club in Dallas last December. Robert says in his lawsuit that Andy “pulled down his costume skirt with his right hand, exposing the fact the he was not wearing underwear beneath the skirt.” Robert claims that Andy then teabag raped his face by rubbing his genitals all over it. Robert’s co-workers have not stopped making fun of him and he’s officially scarred. Robert wants money from Andy, of course. “Yah, me too. Let me know when you find some!” – Andy Dick’s dealer.

If you watch the clip above, you’ll see that Andy’s slimy coke noodle doesn’t seem to make contact with Robert’s face cheek. They share the same breathing space for a minute, but I don’t ever see any “rubbing” going on. But still. If I put my unclothed crotch into a stranger’s face without a signed consent form, the police would tackle me to the ground, handcuff me and drag me by my ankles in a jail cell full of growling men and thick sweat that can double as lube.

Hmm. Since I put it that way, I fully expect Andy to sue the Dallas PD for not putting him in handcuffs before throwing him into a locked room with sweaty men. How dare they deny him that right!

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