Thursday, November 27, 2008

Narcissistic bad boys, I've known a few.

Narcissistic bad boys, I've known a few.

It was just about a year ago that Photogal and I decided it was time to split up. We hadn't been getting along for a long time and we seemed to have exhausted just about every avenue that might lead to reconciliation. It was a difficult decision, and I won't pretend everything went flawlessly immediately post-break-up, but once we agreed it was time to end things we knew we had made the right decision.

Immediately afterward I entered a bit of a "bad boy" phase, induced by the sudden freedom of no longer being with the person I had been with for most of the previous decade plus. In retrospect "bad boy" would be more aptly described as "blindly narcissistic" as I bounced from girl to girl. I honestly liked all of them, but was way too into myself at that point to ever be able to commit to any of them. Luckily for me the majority of the girls weren't exactly looking for a solid thing either.

I've long since emerged from that post-break-up Dionysian fog, but I think that time period may have permanently changed me. I never thought I would be "that guy," yet there I was, acting out the role of self-centered jerk. Because of that I can never really sneer down at some other "bad boy" like I used to because I no longer have the morally clean slate that allows me to do so. I miss that, but at the same time I don't regret anything I did. It was almost as if I'd been laying in a warm pool for years and years, was suddenly pulled out and thrust into an ocean of ice water, and the resultant thrashing helped wake me back up even as it jostled some of the folks around me. I'm thankful for the experience, because I think it helped set me -- shakily at first, I'll admit -- on the proper emotional, moral, and ethical path.

I know, that's not quite the sort of thing you expect from a Thanksgiving Day "what I'm thankful for" post, but there you have it.

O.K, on a slightly related note here is something else I'm thankful for today ... I'm thankful for the fact that the aforementioned catalyst for all off this, Photogal, is still one of my closest and best friends. I think that is absolutely awesome.