I Keep Having Nightmares About Getting Married To My Boyfriend And It’s Making Me Question Our Perfect Relationship

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a while and he makes me really happy. I’m totally in love with him, or so I think, so why does the idea of marrying him fill me with dread?

He hasn’t even proposed, but I know he’s more invested than I am. My boyfriend is amazing and I love him, but I’m pretty sure he loves me more. He drops hints about getting married all the time and even though he knows I’m not ready, I can tell he is or will be soon. Being in a relationship with a guy who wants to seal the deal more than I do is making me question my feelings.

He’s more traditional than I am when it comes to relationships. I always knew my boyfriend was a bit old-school when it came to dating. Don’t get me wrong, he’ll be the first to correct anyone who says something bordering on sexist, but he grew up learning the importance of opening doors for women and being a classic “gentleman.” He wants marriage, and I can sense that he’s going to be ready for it long before me.

I’m not ready to commit to anyone. Some people are ready to get married when they’re in their twenties, but that’s just not me. I’m still working on becoming an adult—I’m not ready to make a commitment to stay with someone for the rest of my life. Choosing a partner is a big deal and when I’m ready, I want to give it my all. I’m not there yet.

He isn’t the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, and that’s OK. Sometimes it seems like dating is way too results-oriented. People are so fixated on the future of their relationships that they don’t consider the benefits of the here and now. I’ve realized that I don’t want to be with my boyfriend forever, but the relationship we’re in is extremely meaningful. I don’t need to view him as a potential life partner in order for him to be the right person for right now.

Dreams sometimes have a deeper meaning and I’m pretty sure that’s the case here. I’ve never been a huge believer in dream theory, but when you’re having the same nightmare about marrying the person you’re supposed to be in love with every night, you might need to take a pause and figure out if your subconscious may be trying to tell you something. I know there’s a deeper meaning here, I’m just not sure I’m ready to deal with it.

I guess I’m not as happy with the relationship as I thought I was. Without really realizing it, I’ve been growing a little dissatisfied in my relationship, and it wasn’t until I started having these nightmares that I fully acknowledged it. I’ve always been very objective and practical, and from that vantage point, my boyfriend and I are great together. But when I contemplate marrying him, my deeper feelings start to reveal themselves and they’re not as positive as I thought.

My friends are starting to get married and it’s changing how I think about things. At a certain age, you start going to a lot of weddings. My friends are starting to tie the knot left and right, and while the actual weddings are beautiful and seductive and full of joy, I’m starting to see the “after” part of happily-ever-after along with it. Marriage isn’t some wonderland where everyone goes to be grown up and different. In fact, it’s full of challenges and compromises and often some disappointment.

I used to fantasize about my wedding and now I don’t even want one. Now that I’ve seen the ways my friends are handling marriage, I’m not sure I even want to get married. It’s a beautiful expression of love and commitment of course, but I’m starting to realize that I might not be the settling down kind of girl.

The only fantasies I’m having lately are about being alone. I want to date more, but when this relationship is over, I really want to be on my own for a little while. Rebounds can be great, but part of what these dreams about weddings symbolize for me is that I need to take things a little more slowly. Part of that process is being on my own for a while and honestly, I’m really looking forward to it.

There are too many great guys out there that I haven’t met yet. I’ve dated a lot, all things considered, but I still don’t feel that I’ve had enough experience to know what I truly want in a partner. I’m curious about what other people have to offer and I don’t feel like I’ve reached my potential as a partner either. Even if my boyfriend was the love of my life, I’d still want to take some time to date around before making a big commitment to him.

Rose Nolan
Rose Nolan is a writer and editor from Austin, TX who focuses on all things female and fabulous. You can find her geeking out about the latest film releases or stunning crowds with her endless capacity for celebrity trivia. If you can’t find her, she’s probably eating tacos.