Making a connection when everything is connected

Something for the Weekend (3)

I didn’t do a post for ‘Something for the Weekend’ last week so there is no (2). I decided to call this (3) since this is the third week of maturestudenthanginginthere‘s virtual creative writing class.

Melancholia

The afternoon shined like a new penny on black asphalt,

She dropped her paisley scarf over the day to protect her eyes,

The light struggled to burn through,

But she wasn’t ready to dismiss

The quiet discontent flowing through her veins.

*

She disguised the malaise from others with dark shades and a tilted smile,

ooohhh. This was the ‘darkness’ poem. I like it.
we fall in love with our darkness, don’t we? cherishing the pain so unique to our sins, the sinews within, streaking our vision with effervescent solitary sequestering?

I would not have gotten how this fine woman clings to her malaise if you’d stopped it early. It would have still been oh so powerful, maybe more so, but sometimes my lazy brain can’t connect deeper so I appreciate you leading us there. I also break most rules through callous poetry so take this with a grain of salt. 🙂
thank you for sharing.

I like this very much. I can’t help but play teacher…but since I’m not really in the room, you can roll your eyes – so I will make a suggestion: Think about taking the beautiful first stanza, and the first line from the second stanza — and stop there. It’s very strong.

You know, your’re right. I was so afraid no one would understand that sometimes it is easier to stay depressed than to be pulled out of it. I also thought maybe I should have done present tense. What do you think? Thanks for your thoughts.