am i just looking for something to go wrong?

jillie755February 25, 2010

hi, i have been married for almost a year and a half and i have a three moth old baby. When the baby was two weeks old my boyfriend got a text from someone and he text back asked who this person was and they replied "its me, your girlfriend" then she called and he hung up on her. i asked who it was and he said some girl who keeps telling everyone she is his girlfriend. I noticed he had called her a few times. (i secretly checked his phone) a few weeks later i called her from his phone, she picked up and said "hi honey" i asked who she was and told her i was his wife and we have a baby and she told me she has been with him for two years. I wasnt sure what to believe since he works 6 nights a week about 10 hours a night. his day off he goes to his brothers house and always picks up the phone when i call. my whole pregnancy he never went to his brothers house once.she told me he goes to her house every monday on his day off. when I asked her about the call and the text she said he told her his cousin picked up and hung up by accident. i also asked her about some of my stuff that was in his car, she said "oh i thought it was his laundry or whatever. It was all boxes so it couldnt have been mistaken for laundry. When questioned about all this my husband again sad she is crazy and wants him and tells everyone she is his girlfriend. i let it go, but now i am constantly looking for little things to start a fight with him. I really hope he didnt do anything but i just dont know. He just went to his brothers this past monday. i called him and 20 mins later called me back. today i found a note in his wallet that said " buy jenn a necklace" i know this is his ex girlfriends daughter and i asked him why he had that note, he said he ran into them in walmart. i feel like he is givng me a whole bunch of excuses, but could he be telling the truth and just dont want to believe it?

I'm not sure I fully follow everything you've said, but let me try to answer your question. No, I don't think you're just looking for something to go wrong. I think it already has, from what you've told us.

Some clarifications, though, please:

You said you noticed he had called her a few times. Are you sure those calls were FROM his phone to her or could they be TO his phone from her?

When you say he goes to his brother's house and always picks up the phone when you call, do you mean that you're calling his brother's land line or are you calling your husband's cell phone? Of course, if it's his cell phone, that certainly doesn't prove that he's at his brother's.

I don't know what you're talking about regarding your stuff in his car and what that had to do with her. However, how would she know that there was stuff in his car if SHE hadn't been in his car?

You mention that he was at his brother's this past Monday and you called him and he called you back 20 mins. later. Again, did you call his cell or his brother's land line? If the land line, don't you think that the brother might've heard your call, called him, and told him to call you (from wherever he was)?

When he's "at his brother's", why not drive over there yourself just to say hi?

Why would he go to his brother's house every day off? When he's got a day off, why wouldn't he spend it with his family - - - meaning you and his child?

Do you work outside of the home or are you at home with the baby?

Are you sure that he works 12 hours a night, 6 nights a week? How are you sure?

Good luck - if everything you've posted is accurate, I think you've got a problem and that you know it. I'm not suggesting you snoop more, just that you keep your eyes open and become a realist. If there's nothing going on you'll figure it out. If there is, you'll figure it out.

You certainly have grounds for suspicion, though it's possible (a stretch, but possible) he is telling you the truth.

I'd suggest you make a plan and do some investigating:
- You now have the alleged girlfriend's phone number -- what about her name?
- Can you look her up on Facebook?
- Have you looked at your husband's email and Facebook accounts?
- Cross-check her name to get her address and maybe do a few drive-by's?
- Maybe ask the neighbors if they've seen your husband or his vehicle hanging around?
- Check his phone for any other unknown phone numbers?
- Check your credit card statement for any unexpected restaurant, bar or hotel charges?
- Do you know any of your husband's co-workers? Can you ask any of them?
- Maybe call your husband's place of work at the 'very end' of his shift to make sure he's still at work.
- And if he's working 6 nights a week, 10 hours a night, shouldn't he be making a HUGE amount of overtime?

How well do you know your husband's brother? Is he a person of good character? In other words, if you were to ask him, face to face, and 'on his honor' if your husband was now or ever had been involved with this girl -- would he tell you the truth? Or would he cover for his brother?

If this alleged girlfriend really is 'crazy' as your husband suggests, he should be willing to go to the police and file charges for harassment, possibly even get a restraining order.

i have been married for almost a year and a half and i have a three moth old baby. When the baby was two weeks old my boyfriend got a text

Your boyfriend, or husband? Not sure it matters, but if it matters enough to you to misrepresent, it may be important (as in, you say husband when you mean boyfriend, sort of, but really he maybe even doesn't think he's that).

I noticed that too quirk. when i was in college I knew a girl who referred to a guy as a husband, turned out he was married to someone else and didn't even consider her a girlfriend, just someone he slept with while his wife was elsewhere for work or other obligations. LOL I think it is important you both know what kind of relationship you have.

You definitely have reason to be doing some more checking here. And for heaven's sake, in the meantime, use both your own birth control (to prevent pregnancy) and insist he wear a condom--on top of everything else going on in your life, you don't need an STD. If, it turns out he's telling the truth, no harm's been done, but if he's lying to you, PLEASE protect yourself and your future. You may be the only parent your child has, don't put your life at risk when there's a lot of reason to be suspicious of your husband/boyfriend's loyalty