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Travel, Dance, Minimalism (Some poetry, some books, some art)

Month: July 2015

We went to Washington D.C. last weekend to go see our friend who has been interning in the Library of Congress.

Whilst there, we went to an art gallery called The Fridge for a street sticker expo. You know those little stickers that post offices give out for labeling? You could (if one were so inclined) make art on them and stick them up in public places. There were also some actual stickers, printed and ordered.

is it true that your mind is sometimes like a battering ram running all through the city, shouting so madly inside and out about the ten thousand things that do not matter? –Hafiz

Can I simplify my mind the same way I simplify my wardrobe? Trying to pair my clothing down to only basics, get rid of everything extraneous.

Like meditation for my clothing.

I never actually meditate. I swim in a sea of distractions so I won’t ever have to be alone with myself. Wake up, cook/shower/call boyfriend/ finish making my Hindi vocab flashcards for the week/ blog / donate some clothes / get started on my massive to-do list/bike/ 8 hours of work (studying on my breaks) / bike home/ chit chat with roommates, read until I fall asleep.

WHICH BY THE WAY I am reading an extremely interesting book involving cognitive dissonance, corrupt politicians, corrupt researchers, and other things that I love. We we lie to ourselves. How we justify our own hypocrisy. Also I think it might be fixing my writers block somehow.

So I went back Home (?) last weekend, ostensibly for a class reunion. Our little dinky informal five-year potluck thingy.

If you know me at all you know that high school was the black pit for me. I listened to emo music 24-7 and spend most of my time alone in my room. I was… unpopular. To put it lightly. I recall a particularly unflattering comment made about me being “Yeah I’d f*** her, but only if she had a bag over her face so I didn’t have to see it”.

I have dreams about high school. Sometimes I feel like I’m living my life to impress “Those People”. And I feel weird about this. I want to let go of the bitterness, and move on.

So I went back.

Awkward. Awkward. So awkward. I have NOTHING in common with them. (Except for one girl that I ran into who I used to be close with and still really admire and respect).

When I was in a situation where I needed to mingle and try to talk to people I panicked. I didn’t know what to say.

I felt myself regressing back to former self status. Uncomfortable in a way that I haven’t felt in five years.

Those are not my people.

Why did I subject myself to that? I’m glad it’s done. I’m glad I’m back in Fargo with the people I trust, the people I can say anything to, the people who do not judge me. I could taste the relief when I finally made it to my apartment.

I forget how lucky I am to have the friends that I do. They are so much more. I should have brought them with me, but I felt like this was something I needed to go do alone.

There is the bustling metropolis of Mott ND looming in the foreground.

You have no idea how much of a setback it can be to be too embarrassed to even practice something.

I have this friend, super awesome friend, who happens to be really un-confident at dancing. He gets out there and has fun with us, I never noticed anything particularly awful about how he dances.

Last time we all went out, there were two girls just laughing and laughing at him while he was dancing.

He’s done. That’s it. No more dancing. That is so awful to even think about considering all the joy dancing can bring a person.

I used to teach English and believe me I would NEVER laugh at a foreigner’s pronunciation. Just correct them and move on. There is such a difference in how people will approach you depending on whether they think they can learn and share with you or be ridiculed by you. Such. A. Difference.

GAH. It takes so much to learn a new skill, to put yourself into something you don’t know much about. DON’T LAUGH AT BEGINNERS.

There was an old lady with perfect skin. Glowed like a goddess. Smile like a sunrise, need the darkest of tinted windows/glasses to dim that. When they asked her how her skin was so perfect at 90+ years, she just flashed this gorgeous smile and said,

“Love Everybody”.

(Well, sometimes she chalked it up to good moisturizing practices, but you can tell why I usually don’t emphasize that part)

And then you have the Ottertail River in Minnesota. Famous party spot, where people float down on inner-tubes with coolers of beer.

Where my friend got called a chink. (Am I even allowed to type that word, it looks dirty as hell.)

Where I called someone a c*nt to their face for the very first time.

(Ask yourself if the second c-word looks so much more shocking, and why is that?)

Yes racial slurs are alive and well in rural America.

It just hurts to see it coming from my generation.

Also just so you know, if one of YOUR drunken friends ever uses a racial/homophobic/misogynistic slur in your presence, THIS IS WHAT YOU DO.

You apologize for their bad behavior. Don’t say, “Oh he’s just super drunk.” Say I am sorry for what he said to you.

And maybe consider getting better friends.

Well. Time for me to rid my body of disappointment and anger and go get ready to help some old people.

My instructor and I salsa dancing to San Holo’s remix of Next Episode by Dr. Dre…

So I have made the executive decision to attend a three day program in Long Beach California, to become a salsa instructor. (LINK HERE) It’s only three days which SEEMS like it won’t be long enough. They also have a three month program for salsa intensive training, which I may want to do in the future. (Kinda scared about spending the money for three months of living in Long Beach. Maybe I could find a job there?)

I would love to find a dancing partner to perform with, but I do worry about jealousy issues… I mean you have to dance with the same person and find chemistry on the daily.

SO! As a solution I have decided to only seek out gay men for partners. That way my boyfriend won’t get jealous, and will feel comfortable with my future-of-dance. DanceFuture.

AHHH I WANNA TEACH DANCE.

One of my (sort of very confused, but very awesome) old ladies gave me a huge pep talk the other night, she just looked right at me and said, “Look I know I’m too old to be your mentor… I wish I was younger… but you have to realize that you are going to do great things. And I know you don’t believe you can do it, but you CAN, and you need to get out there and DO THINGS.

So I just bought this three day course thing. And I think I will also do the three month course within the next two years at some point.