When Christmas and Hanukkah Crashed

For the first time in my life, I was the only Jew in the group.

My winter break when I was 15 was a turning point in my life, although I had no idea it was coming. My dad took me and my brother to a ski resort in Canada where we enrolled in a week long ski school to improve our jumps and form. The teenagers in our group were from all over the world, and most of them were far better skiers than we were. But we kept up with the grueling exercises, skiing down mogul lined slopes with one ski and preparing for the final race scheduled for the last day of ski school.

Most of the kids were friendly, but for the first time in my life, I was the only Jewish girl in the whole group. My life had been pretty sheltered. I went to a Jewish day school in New York, lived in a mostly Jewish neighborhood and went to Jewish summer camps. I wasn't used to being the odd one out.

It was also one of those years when Christmas and Hanukkah coincided, so while everyone was discussing their Christmas plans, my brother and I pretended not to hear as we adjusted our boot settings. And we avoided eye contact with the instructor who asked us whether we were coming to the party that night. I thought about the little silver menorah in the living room of our chalet, and about the blessings that we would say that night.

I was surprised by the beauty of the Christmas tree.

That afternoon in the ski lodge I warmed my hands next to the fire and stared at the enormous pine tree decorated with hundreds of lights and shiny gold ornaments. I had never really looked closely at a Christmas tree before, and I was surprised by how beautiful it was. The lights were simply mesmerizing, and when one of the girls who I had been skiing with that day sat down next to me and asked if I was coming to the party that night, I began to reconsider. I didn't have to drink or eat anything. I could light the menorah with my family and then hang out with my ski class for a while. It seemed like it would be anti-social not to go, and there wasn't anything technically wrong with going to the party, was there?

Lighting the menorah that night with my father and brother, I looked out the window into the snowy night and saw the tiny, flickering candles reflected back at me. Suddenly they seemed so small, like sparks of light that kept eluding my grasp. I listened to the familiar, ancient words of the blessings and saw them fall like soft snowflakes through my hands. When I asked my father if he minded if I went to the Christmas party, he seemed surprised but then just nodded and told me to be back by eleven. We ate the potato latkes silently, and then my brother surprised me by announcing that he was coming too.

The hall was full of wreaths and blinking lights and songs that I knew by heart from the radio. I sat with a group of girls from my ski class, and we joked about the upcoming race the next day. I wasn't the worst skier in the group but I was close. We all knew Ethan would win anyway. Blond and blue eyed, he was here from Switzerland, and it looked like he had been skiing since he could walk.

Suddenly he was standing in front of our group with his brother. They were wearing matching green sweaters and cracking up over something. Then Ethan asked us if we wanted to hear the joke. "What did the Jew say to the..."

Is this guy really telling an anti-Semitic joke to my face?

The room began to spin. Is this guy really telling an anti-Semitic joke to my face? How could he? Until then, I had felt fine at the party. Not exactly like I belonged, but almost. But now I felt my whole face go red, and I interrupted him loudly, "I'm Jewish."

Everything went quiet. I could hear the wind whipping through the snow outside the lodge window as everyone stared at me.

"You're Jewish? But you don't look Jewish," Ethan mumbled.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

I had always thought that anti-Semitism was a thing of the past, irrelevant to my cushioned, New York bubble where being Jewish was a badge of pride. I stormed out of the party and walked back in a blur of snowflakes that fell so hard I could hardly see. But then I saw them. The lights of the menorah in the window. They were tiny and flickering in the winter darkness, but they warmed my confused heart as I pulled the door shut behind me.

I sat in the soft shadows on the living room and looked at my face in the mirror. What did Ethan know anyway? Staring back at me was a Jew. So what if I had blond hair and green eyes? What did it mean to look like a Jew anyway? I didn't know, but suddenly I knew what it felt like to be a Jew. I wanted to stand up for who I was and where I came from. I wanted everyone to see the little, silver menorah in our window. I wanted to be part of the strength and endurance climbing through these flames before me.

The Showdown

The next morning we all stood in a very uncomfortable silence at the top of the mountain. The race course was marked by red and black flags that dotted the slope below us. I was still so angry. I skied faster than I ever had before and to my utter surprise, I had beaten every member of the class except for Ethan. But he was a far better skier than I was, and I knew there was no way that I could win.

We stood braced at the top of the course, avoiding each other’s eyes, preparing for the showdown. The starting signal rang out. Ethan raced right past me, but then something miraculous happened. For the first time that week, Ethan fell. He was fine, but by the time he had regained his balance, I was by the finish line.

He skied up to me and finally looked me in the eyes. "You know it was just a joke. Congrats on the race."

Ethan offered his hand, but I shook my head. I took off my skis and walked towards the lodge. Through the window the enormous tree still twinkled, but I was immune to its light. I was different. I had my own light. I didn’t realize it before, but it was a miraculous torch that I was holding. And I was meant to carry it and run a different race.

Featured at Aish.com:

About the Author

Sara Debbie Gutfreund received her BA in English from the University of Pennsylvania and her MA in Family Therapy from the University of North Texas. She has taught parenting classes and self-development seminars and provided adolescent counseling. She writes extensively for many online publications and in published anthologies of Jewish women's writing. She and her husband spent 14 wonderful years raising their five children in Israel, and now live in Blue Ridge Estates in Waterbury, Connecticut, where Sara Debbie enjoys skiing and running in her free time.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 54

(40)
William Barrocas,
November 29, 2015 4:56 PM

The Menorah Light light the way.

The narration is touching.It touched my heart ♥ and moved my heart to keep the Jews yet deeper in my heart hereon.Yes.I love ❤ the Jews and pray for them.

(39)
Anonymous,
December 18, 2014 11:44 PM

I would love to hear the rest of the story, if there is any more to it. What happened after that? Did he ever apologize to you? (I hope so!)

(38)
RM,
January 8, 2014 4:23 AM

I liked this article but was left empty with the last paragraph. Whether or not the Ethan guy was being sincere or not is NOT the point. As a teenager to cop to his embarrassment over a serious lack of intelligence and tact in telling a "jew joke" I thought that was a step in the right direction, don't you think? Wouldn't a REAL anti-Semite NOT apologize and offer his hand in either congratulations or a sign of apology and truce?Wouldn't a REAL ant-Semite just laugh and tell the joke anyway?I'm not Jewish and don't pretend to know what the sting of being on the wrong end of bigotry feels like. I DO know what forgiveness and peace do for someone. The 10 Commandments in part teach us how to live WITH one another. God's creation includes ALL people and forgiveness is at the top of the list in how we show God we love him for all he has given us.The author's stiff upper lip was a result of being hurt and that is normal, but to praise her for doing so just perpetuates the bigotry. If she accepted his handshake and said thank you, maybe they could have learned something about each other and forged a peace. Does the author feel that by rebuffing this guy that he WON'T tell another bigoted joke? What if he got to know HER as a person and NOT just as a JEW that he would put the two together and not say anything bigoted in the future and perhaps change the minds and hearts of others in his circle to do the same BECAUSE of the peace and understanding they forged?The 80 yr old who commented on here that this action of rebuffing changed the hearts of Ethan is false. Peace HAS to start with someone. How about he atoned for his sin and wanted to for a "peace". The author sinned by not accepting and having a hard heart.Like I said, I'm not Jewish but know plenty of friends, co-workers etc who are. And those people, rightly so, don't permit "jew jokes" or perceived anti-semitism of any kind. But they are right there when there's a black joke, etc.

Anonymous,
January 9, 2014 10:28 PM

the author was completely right to turn him away

one of the reasons she didn't shake his hand was almost for sure because she is a religious Jew and in religious communities, male and females who are not related don't touch each other. Also because if she had shaken his hand, it would kind of mean she is okay with him now. But when he told an anti-semitic joke he showed he hated Jews. and he'll carry his hatred forever. he was just trying to get out of it by 'apologizing.' We're never going to forgive the nazis, yemachshemum are we?

(37)
joan,
September 8, 2013 4:01 PM

it's everyone

I'm 80 years old... I'm a Jew and have lived all over the U.S. and East and West in Canada. Please know.... from a lifetime of experience that antisemitism is everywhere. I know this because my life situation was such that i was not part of a Jewish community, didn't look Jewish, and didn't know any Jews so was exposed to how others really think and feel about our people. You must always be prepared to stand up for yourself... to take Antisemites on... to reach any heart that can be touched.

North American Jews have been sheltered from certain realities.. and are unprepared for what others worldwide have experienced.Don't imagine that it will never touch you or yours.Be prepared to stand up for yourself and for your people.

(36)
yochevet Uziel Pearce,
January 14, 2013 2:05 AM

congrats on standing up

I grew up in a town outside Boston that was mostly Catholic-Irish and Italian. I was the only Jew in my graduating class as far as I know. When I heard an anti- Jewish statement, I always let it go, with the idea that I may as well know how those bigots really feel. I am so proud of you that despite being in the minority, you told them how you felt. However, if we Jews do not mingle, how the heck are the goyim supposed to know our wonderful traits? And you did way over-react. I thought about what you wrote for a month.

(35)
myyah,
December 19, 2012 9:13 AM

To turn & walk away is often the best teaching

Ethan had time to think about how he hurt Sara before the "showdown". But the "uneasy silence" was due 1st to his immaturity. And next, to his arrogance and not seeing a need to apologize for his hurting another, however unintentional. The attempt at "let's shake" after his loss was the typical insincere apology of the "winner" or "the bully" who failed, but who was not yet humbled. After all, he lost only because of a simple mistake or mis-step (or did he intentionally stumble, so that she might "best" him while he could still keep his pride???). Sometimes the "sting" of the rejection of the offered handshake is a stronger message. If Ethan was sincere, he now had an opportunity after the rebuff, to say "hey, wait". Sara didn't play his game. And I tell you, from experience, Sara's lesson by walking away was a stronger message than any words she might have said. He will remember that. But will he remain silent still? Was it enough to change him for the better? Or will he need to be humbled once again sometime in the future?

myyah,
December 19, 2012 12:30 PM

There were others

Come to think about it, there were more than 2 people in this story; more than Sara and Ethan. All the others remained silent when they 1st heard Sara was a Jew. Who spoke after their stunned silence (you mean, she is a Jew?)? After that revelation, which "girlfriend" ran after her after she stormed out? Who came to her before the "showdown", but instead preferred to remain silent? Who else came to congratulate her? Who seen her little silver menorah?

Anonymous,
November 4, 2015 12:04 AM

Here's what I was wondering about: she said her brother went to the party also--what was his reaction?

(34)
Aliza,
December 17, 2012 2:57 PM

Saddened by the comments...

...saying "it was just a joke." She was supposed to sit and listen to the whole joke before deciding it was inappropriate? What if it was a joke about Indians? Or blacks? Maybe those wouldn't have been racist, either.

yochevet Pearce,
January 14, 2013 2:15 AM

Ignorant racist and even mysoginists will be there

My brother-in-law from North Carolina often tells jokes about other races, women and homosexuals. Last time he was putting down women, I walked away. I know I can't change him or his friends. I did tell him not to send "blond" jokes and he stopped. He has never told a anti-Jewish joke as far as I remember. These jokes are his way of fitting in and expressing anxiety. Besides, where do we draw the line? Are you going to tell me to be homophobic or to make jokes about Palestinians? I think Jews sometimes are looking under every rock for anti-Semites and it keeps us going.

(33)
Hibernia,
December 16, 2012 6:50 PM

Jokes

Sara,
I feel you were over- reacting as you didn't hear what the joke about the Jews was. I think it was very wrong not to accept his hand the next day. I am Irish and I have had Irish jokes told to me very often. I even tell some myself.

(32)
Nitzan,
December 16, 2012 2:30 PM

I have to respectfully disagree with you...

Dear Sara. I admire your courage and strength. I realize how you must have felt, and I think you handled yourself well! But don't you think you exaggerated just a little bit? I'm Jewish and live in Israel... So Ethan was making a joke about Jews, it wasn't like he said anything hurtful or hateful, was it? Jokes involving origins or religions, or even races, are still just jokes... and he even tried to apologize to you in his own way, don't you think you were a little harsh on him?
I am only speaking my mind, and not at all passing any judgement on you. I've never been in a situation where I was the only Jew around. It might be different in such a case. I'm only saying you may have taken it harder than it was meant. What do you think? I'd love to hear your opinion. Thank you, and blessings to you and your family!

(31)
Judy,
December 16, 2012 4:22 AM

I'm good with who I am and who you are......

I love being able to comment on stories here and feel totally free to share my stories!!!

(30)
Ed,
December 16, 2012 4:21 AM

He does NOT represent Christians or Christmas.

I find it shameful that this young man behaved that way! She had every right to turn from his insincere apology and refuse his hand. I am a Christian and I respect this young lady for being steadfast in her faith and belief. Happy Chanukah and God Bless Israel!

(29)
Uzy,
December 16, 2012 4:08 AM

I would've slap him in the face to make a point!

(28)
Kim H.,
December 16, 2012 3:10 AM

She should have just came back at him with this line, "well, we can all tell you are swiss because your brain is full of holes." Anyway, next time just stand your ground. Not all of us are racist.

(27)
marc louis,
December 16, 2012 3:10 AM

Ever had one say "but your different".

Best to answer with the question “how?”
Thing is a lot of these “joke” tellers have never met a Jew and never expect to, best to set them right.
It’s the racists that do know Jews you should turn your back on.

(26)
Darlene Collison,
December 16, 2012 2:48 AM

lost opportunity

Too bad that you didn't take the opportunity to educate this guy.It seems that HaShem allowed you to be worked up so much so that you skied the best ! The fact that the Swiss guy congratulated you & even offered you a helping hand to get up, shows that he wasn't a 'bad seed' but an ignorant one in need of knowledge which you could have provided in the spirit of friendship.There are many who think Jews hace to look a certain way. Obviously , they have never met Jews from India or Scotland....or even Israel, where many are fair. i blame the media for trying to blend all holidays together into one "light". we are all different & need to acknowledge that & celebrate it at times !

(25)
Gladys,
December 16, 2012 2:33 AM

Possibility he had not really ...

... encountered Jews before ... and could have used a friendly teaching/lesson. A little bit of education can go a long way in understanding someone of a different religion/culture. He wasn't given that chance. Nor did Sara give him a chance to hear this joke, automatically assuming it was anti-Semitic when it might not have been. I've heard some funny jokes with rabbis and priests and pastors in them and their not being racist. I would just suggest taking time to listen and / or explain to give the other person the benefit of a doubt and then judge his reaction.

(24)
Tyna,
December 16, 2012 2:18 AM

What does a Jewish person look like?

As a white female teenager of Native American descent, I was often confused with Barbara Striesand, probably the best known Jewish woman and entertainer of my time. I would look in the mirror and wonder why they would think that. I would be so honored now, to be confused with a nation of people I so admire! A Jewish person is just that, a person like any other. What sets them apart is their HEART.

(23)
Robert Koehler,
December 16, 2012 1:55 AM

Please don't judge us by one jerk.

He's a jerk, I'm a Christian and the way he acted is inexcusable. I apologize for his behavior.
I was taught that love is the main ingredient in life. He didn't demonstrate God's love. His loss.
Happy Chanukah, Bob.

(22)
Kenny Cartwright,
December 16, 2012 1:22 AM

The Difference Between Hannukah and christmas

I had just posted this on my Facebook before I read this story:
Last nite of Hannukah. Some think that Hannukah is the Jewish "christmas", but nothing could be further from the truth. Hannukah celebrates the liberty to keep the Torah of G-d unadulterated from the world system, whereas christmas mixes the pagan with the holy- something condemned by G-d and forbidden in the Torah and the Prophets . Dont confuse the two- they are fundamentally different!!!

(21)
Jon Orr,
December 16, 2012 1:15 AM

It WAS just a joke!!

I'm not Jewish but I do love the Jewish people. Nevertheless' a joke is a joke. Most of them are not hurtful, just funny! I've heard some of my best Mexican jokes from a Mexican friend. He actually loved them. So basically, I think you would've been better served by accepting the apology.And please don't say I don't understand because I'm not Jewish. I've heard plenty of jokes about my race and a lot of them were hilarious.

(20)
john thorp,
December 11, 2012 2:23 PM

Beauty is skin deep?

Beauty can be throughout every aspect of our lives, walking our talk and living our faith. We are a blest people with a divine purpose not needing to sink to the same level some would have us go. The higher calling is being peace makers liberating all involved.

Lynda,
December 16, 2012 1:19 AM

What a beautiful heart, I applaud you for standing up for yourself. I went to Israel in June and what an eye and heart opening experience, I Love the Jewish people and Israel!!!

(19)
Caterina Catapodi,
December 11, 2012 1:32 PM

''Israel Always''!!

Nice reading all your content hereby, presenting reality (and truth may be) in a most authentic way and style.
Have a nice week all of you and good luck in your endeavors through this Site.

(18)
Yu,
December 11, 2012 5:31 AM

Interesting

I have mixed feelings on this issue. In a way, yeh, shake the guys hand..don't have to be stuckup. Even we r forever making Jewish jokes about ourselves. It's a global thing.
. On the other hand, do we always have to kiss up to the whole world so they won't kill us out or can we just stand up for we believe? Something tells me as long as we r in galus, we r gonna always have to watch our backs cuz there is always a nation who wants to destroy us. But I think there is beauty behind this strong and fearless act that was done. She wasn't scared he'll start a progrom and mass murder the jewish people. (Or something along those lines....) she just stood for what she beleived In. It makes me proud!

(17)
Yehudit,
December 10, 2012 9:29 AM

Sara was right

Had the Swiss made a true apology, "I'm sorry for telling racist jokes, it's the first time I see the effect it has on people and i won't do it again, I'm glad you won..." I'm sure Sara would have shaken his hand,, happily. The fact is, he didn't apologize, nor hold his hand out in peace. He merely tried to cover up his gaffe by using humor as a cover. The only thing I'm sure he was sorry about was being caught in the act. Sara was right to rebuff him. Maybe as an adult she might do it differently, but I believe the turn of events was a clear comment from Above that she was on the right track.
A wonderful story that hits home the heroism of the Maccabees in its current guise.

(16)
Geotherm,
December 9, 2012 10:17 PM

Why Shake?

I disagree. Let the Swiss guy suck it up. There's no need for Jews to always be so eager to make peace with people who like to kick us around. That's just another stereotype we'd be reinforcing.

(15)
lauren inker,
December 9, 2012 6:34 PM

bad sport no manners

she should have shaken his hand. walking away solves nothing

Andy,
December 12, 2012 1:15 AM

I agree.

Yes, I think so too. However, I would have confronted him and make him realize that what he was doing not only hurts but promulgates anti-Semitism even so it may have happened out of plain ignorance. Once done and it elicits a contrite repentance there should be also forgiveness as a result of it.

(14)
Ammi,
December 9, 2012 1:50 PM

I thought the article good - but, I can think of a better ending. "When Ethan extended his hand, I hesitated, but then took it. And I said: 'What does a Jew look like?' A Jew looks like this: even though one is willing to use them as a 'punch line', a Jew can take hold of that hand extended and hope to better the world and bring peace one day at a time".

Fred Mercer,
December 9, 2012 5:55 PM

Jewish/Christian relationships...

As a Christian myself, but with a great love for the Jewish people, I agree with Ammi. However, I am convinced it is right to stand up for one's Faith, and I honour the stand taken by this young girl - I would go so far as to say God also honoured it by enabling her efforts to be richly rewarded.
As something of a postscript, for as long as I can remember, I have prayed for the peace of Jerusalem, and for many years have supported a group called "Prayer for Israel".

David,
December 10, 2012 3:18 PM

I think a better response would have been for her to headbutt poor little anti-Semitic Ethan. And always remember a good headbutt means your forehead to their nose.

Hannah,
December 11, 2012 3:14 AM

Well said Ammi. Well said!!

Anonymous,
November 4, 2015 12:06 AM

The "better ending" I wanted was for him to apologize to her.

(13)
Miriam,
December 9, 2012 12:23 PM

Wow. Powerful.

You sound like you were an amazing kid, unusually confident. And your parents were doing a good job on you! Very inspiring.

(12)
Sabus,
December 9, 2012 10:24 AM

Absolutely Right;

In support of Patti Cockfield, thats a waisted chance to bravely introduce yourself as a Jew in challenge and make him swallow his wrat instead of walking away in anoyance. I don't think all will be in support of him rather appreciate your attendace not minding the difference.

(11)
Anonymous,
December 9, 2012 7:04 AM

Great Chanukah story. Congratulations on your victory win.

(10)
Michael Vermont,
December 9, 2012 5:34 AM

Inadvertently misdirecting title.

A very good account , but I almost didn't read it because of the title / sub- title. Some people would say it was just a lucky ski run , I think providence supplied mazal, because your courageous stand was right.

(9)
Patti Cockfield,
December 9, 2012 4:27 AM

An opportunity missed

Educate the ignorant with patience and kindness, and you will gain friends who want to know and understand, and will defend you when the occasion arises, even if there faith may be different from yours.

Leah,
December 11, 2012 2:36 PM

Open door or closed door? (Thank you Patti)

I think Ethan's lack of sensitivity may have deserved a refused handshake but I think her choice to simply walk away was a missed opportunity to bridge the world between Jews and non-Jews. I grew up in a world virtually absent of Judaism and understand how hard it is to understand myself what it means to be Jewish. It is just as easy for those ignorant of the deeper Jewish world to be equally ignorant of the Non-Jewish world and miss the unity that exists among the nations. I think in this case, forgiveness needed to overpower the need to stay angry and despite Ethan's poor response to the situation, it it sometimes best to be sensitive to other's imperfections and take the open door to what might have sparked a step closer to peace. True loving kindness does is a selfless act. The divide within the Jewish people is sad, but the divide within humanity is also sad...

(8)
Anonymous,
December 9, 2012 1:31 AM

Dedication to Hanukah

Thanks for your story! After reading so many stories about the "Christmas/Hanukah" dilemma, you have shared an important message. We need to be proud of our Jewish heritage & not be embarassed.

(7)
Michael Mendershausen,
December 9, 2012 12:25 AM

I found it ironic that the "jokester" had a Hebrew name.

Anonymous,
December 25, 2015 1:38 PM

We don't know whether that's his real name. She may have changed it in the article, to protect the not-so-innocent. :)

(6)
Gavriella,
December 8, 2012 11:54 PM

"I was the only Jew in the group" Could have risen above the occassion.

I admire Jews and Jewish Traditions. I am not Jewish. However, this story once again teaches why we can never be friends with Jews. Jews are unwilling to teach the world about their culture. Instead of taking the moment in a loving way to educate everyone in the group the little girl ran offended instead of understanding where uneducated people are coming from and taking that moment to put everyone in their place. Parents should teach their kids to stand up for G-d , be leaders and rise above the jokes. This story resounded "division" once again.

kenneth bruce,
December 10, 2012 10:02 PM

"Unwilling to teach'?

We live in a world where people say "When are they going to stop talking about the Holocaust? Schindlers List is just too much. It is that environment that leads to the "little girl ran offended". If you haven't lived it maybe you can't understand.

(5)
irem,
December 8, 2012 11:51 PM

It was a little boy who did the joke. He either got this anti-semitic ideas, feelings from his parents or friends. He will probably grow old reinforcing his hostility. What should be the advice to give our kids when they come across with this hostility? They can come across of this kind of comments quite often unfortunately...

(4)
Rita,
December 8, 2012 11:28 PM

Dont shut the door!

I liked the story to a point, because one of my Jewish friends, a well known journalist and author here told me how she was sitting for years thrugh anti-semitic jokes without saying a thing. (She writes under her non-jewish married name). My anger at Jew hatred galvanised her into changing and speaking up, just like the author of this story above. And she feels much much better now.
The author lost me however, when this Swiss blond guy tried to reach out. She punished Ignorance, when she could have done something to fight it by accepting the clumsy apology and speaking openly.
The irony of my friend finding her courage through my hatred for anti-Semitism is that I am not Jewish and even worse: I am German. It is, in fact, my being German that alerted me to the ever increasing anti-Semitism and makes me fight it, wherever I see it.

elana,
December 9, 2012 10:58 AM

agreed

I so agreed with you. This was a teaching opportunity passed by. Don't matter what was said, the boy offered an apology and after all, that is what a Jew is here for. ..we are supposed to be the "teachers"

(3)
Anonymous,
December 8, 2012 10:34 PM

"ignorance "

Seems to me Jews are so sensitive to antisemtiic jokes because much of the world really is out to do them harm.Just read what's happening re Israel. Would most of the world be upset if it was to lose a war and no longer exist.That and the holocaust being relatively recent is in Jewish consciousness.Even if the people telling the joke are not seeking to harm Jews or anyone else they should know better. The late great Rabbi Noach Weinberg "zl" was correct when he said ignorance in the worst disease

(2)
Bobby5000,
December 8, 2012 7:02 PM

Good comment, but let's be consistent

I hear a lot of Jews telling ethnic jokes about blacks. let's have the same sensitivity that we espouse.

(1)
Anonymous,
December 7, 2012 2:47 PM

"It was just a joke!" How often have people uttered that sentence to unsuccessfully cover their hostility? The author has beautifully demonstrated why we must encourage our children to marry in the faith and raise Jewish children who are proud of their heritage. On Chanukah we light MENORAHS. We DO NOT light "Chanukah bushes." (UGH!!)

I've been striving to get more into spirituality. But it seems that every time I make some progress, I find myself slipping right back to where I started. I'm getting discouraged and feel like a failure. Can you help?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Spiritual slumps are a natural part of spiritual growth. There is a cycle that people go through when at times they feel closer to God and at times more distant. In the words of the Kabbalists, it is "two steps forward and one step back." So although you feel you are slipping, know that this is a natural process. The main thing is to look at your overall progress (over months or years) and be able to see how far you've come!

This is actually God's ingenious way of motivating us further. The sages compare this to teaching a baby how to walk. When the parent is holding on, the baby shrieks with delight and is under the illusion that he knows how to walk. Yet suddenly, when the parent lets go, the child panics, wobbles and may even fall.

At such times when we feel spiritually "down," that is often because God is letting go, giving us the great gift of independence. In some ways, these are the times when we can actually grow the most. For if we can move ourselves just a little bit forward, we truly acquire a level of sanctity that is ours forever.

Here is a practical tool to help pull you out of the doldrums. The Sefer HaChinuch speaks about a great principle in spiritual growth: "The external awakens the internal." This means that although we may not experience immediate feelings of closeness to God, eventually, by continuing to conduct ourselves in such a manner, this physical behavior will have an impact on our spiritual selves and will help us succeed. (A similar idea is discussed by psychologists who say: "Smile and you will feel happy.")

That is the power of Torah commandments. Even if we may not feel like giving charity or praying at this particular moment, by having a "mitzvah" obligation to do so, we are in a framework to become inspired. At that point we can infuse that act of charity or prayer with all the meaning and lift it can provide. But if we'd wait until being inspired, we might be waiting a very long time.

May the Almighty bless you with the clarity to see your progress, and may you do so with joy.

In 1940, a boatload 1,600 Jewish immigrants fleeing Hitler's ovens was denied entry into the port of Haifa; the British deported them to the island of Mauritius. At the time, the British had acceded to Arab demands and restricted Jewish immigration into Palestine. The urgent plight of European Jewry generated an "illegal" immigration movement, but the British were vigilant in denying entry. Some ships, such as the Struma, sunk and their hundreds of passengers killed.

If you seize too much, you are left with nothing. If you take less, you may retain it (Rosh Hashanah 4b).

Sometimes our appetites are insatiable; more accurately, we act as though they were insatiable. The Midrash states that a person may never be satisfied. "If he has one hundred, he wants two hundred. If he gets two hundred, he wants four hundred" (Koheles Rabbah 1:34). How often have we seen people whose insatiable desire for material wealth resulted in their losing everything, much like the gambler whose constant urge to win results in total loss.

People's bodies are finite, and their actual needs are limited. The endless pursuit for more wealth than they can use is nothing more than an elusive belief that they can live forever (Psalms 49:10).

The one part of us which is indeed infinite is our neshamah (soul), which, being of Divine origin, can crave and achieve infinity and eternity, and such craving is characteristic of spiritual growth.

How strange that we tend to give the body much more than it can possibly handle, and the neshamah so much less than it needs!