A Very Undead Christmas

It’s that time again, and in honor of our favorite brain-eating holiday season,
here’s a candy-striped peppermint bunch of Zombie Haiku, with selections by
Billy Collins and your very Own Author Guy, as well as some
talented writers and comedians.(Thanks to Ryan Mecham for putting this site together.)

Your homework, if you decide to accept it, is to write your own Christmas Zombie Haiku.

If you missed 6th grade, the format is

five syllables,
seven syllables
five syllables

But if you come up with a really funny one, no one will hold a syllable or two against you. (But if you do happen to be in a crowd, and someone starts holding his syllable against you, report them to security, because that shit is not in the Christmas spirit. Or, better yet, hand them some twinkle lights and some tinsel and tase them, bro. See if you can make the lights come on.)

(Yes, I firmly believe that, said correctly, ‘Braaaaaiiiiiinnnnnsssss…’ is three syllables – although if you press the argument I might be forced to admit that zombies may not be the top of the class in counting.)