Warning: Some of the videos in this post contain foul language.

Hard Knocks is back! You know what that means: Football season is nearly upon us. To celebrate the return of America’s favorite sport (sorry, baseball) we’ll be recapping each and every episode. This season features the Cleveland Browns. Here’s what we learned in the third episode…

1. Brad Paisley is a Browns fan

For whatever reason, the Browns had Brad Paisley visit camp and give the team an uninspired pep talk.

About 95% of the roster had no idea who this guy was, I’m guessing. Unsurprisingly, Baker Mayfield is a Brad Paisley fan. Jarvis Landry being a fan was a bit more surprising. Though I don’t think he’s that big of a fan seeing as how he referred to him as “Brad Pastey.” You know what? That actually fits.

Paisley claims to be a huge Browns fan but doesn’t even recognize one of the team’s better players Joel Bitonio, who, um, has a very distinct look…

Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

Bitonio might end up starting at left tackle for Cleveland this year, so Paisley better get to know him.

Mayfield fanboys out and let’s Paisley into what’s supposed to be a “QB ONLY” RV, betraying the trust of his quarterback brethren. Paisley is excited to see inside, but I’m just gonna come out and say it: The RV is overhyped.

Paisley says he’s interested in buying it after the Browns break camp. His plan is to put it on his farm. Why does a multi-millionaire country singer have a farm? Is this dude growing corn in his spare time? Or is he just trying to pander to his fans?

I’m on to you, Paisley.

2. “Portrait mode is cluuuuutch”

Those words came out of Brogan Roback’s mouth while taking pictures at a butterfly garden. It sounds like something a dude named Brogan would say.

Here’s another shocker: Brogan met his girlfriend, Ally Goff, through Instagram. Yes, he slid in her DMs, as the millennials would say. According to Brogan “The DMs are the power moves.”

I have no idea what that means, but it is a very on-brand thing to say.

Brogan may be a master of social media macking, but zoology is not a strong point for the young quarterback. He asked one of the butterfly wranglers (sweet job) if the butterfly would “turn into my arm color.” He had mistaken butterflies for chameleons. Happens to everyone.

His girlfriend’s face summed up how dumb of a question it was…

“Some butterflies do that, don’t they?” he adorably asked.

No, Brogan, they do not.

It was a good week all around for Brobie. While he didn’t get any burn in the Browns’ second preseason game, he did get this glowing endorsement from GM John Dorsey:

“He’s not terrible.”

3. HBO has taken a side on this TY-rod/TUH-rod debate

“He stopped us in our QB meeting and told us that’s what his true name was. We all thought he was joking at first, but he said Lee Corso kind of said it that way when he was in college and it just took off and it was just wrong the whole time and he didn’t feel like correcting people.”

So, there you have it. Lee Corso is to blame for all us this.

While we’re on the subject, Tyrod revealed his mom calls him by his middle name, Diallo. And now I’m just wondering why he doesn’t go by Diallo all the time. I’ll tell you this: The Buffalo Bills aren’t trading a dude name Diallo.

He is vehemently opposed to stretching. He pointed out that the soldiers back in the day never stretched and won two world wars. That’s one more win than the Browns have over the last two years, amarite?

He’s an amateur magician, although we did not get to see him do any magic tricks during this episodes. If this season ends without him pulling a rabbit out of a hat, I’m cancelling my subscription to HBO.

He drives a white Maserati, because of course he does.

He is a lover of animals. Wylie says the Browns offensive line needs to be more like Arkansas hogs, rhinos and gorillas. You know what? He’s right.

Again, this guy needs to be a head coach in this league. If Jim Tomsula got a job, why not Bob Wylie?

7. The Dez Bryant meeting was strange

So what was the point of bringing Bryant in again? He didn’t work out for the team. He didn’t have his agent with him to discuss potential contract numbers. We saw his sit down with Hue Jackson and not much else.

We know now that the Browns aren’t going to sign Bryant, which was always going to be the case with Josh Gordon coming back. With Gordon, Jarvis Landry, Antonio Calloway and Rashard Higgins on the roster, there really isn’t a spot for an outspoken receiver who would struggle to get snaps anyway.

8. Haley’s QB is already disagreeing with his play calls

Before coming to the Browns, Haley spent five seasons in Pittsburgh where he and Ben Roethlisberger took turns throwing subtle shots at one another through the media. The two did not always (or ever) see eye-to-eye when it came to the Steelers’ offensive scheme.

Will the same happen in Cleveland? Probably not, but there was a funny moment in the episode where Mayfield asked to run a quarterback draw down near the goal line and Haley ended up going with a standard running play, to which Mayfield responded, “Aw, f—er.”

Cleveland ended up scoring and it’s probably not a smart idea to expose the first-overall pick to hits in a meaningless game. Toad made the right call.

Eight things we learned about the Browns in episode 3 of ‘Hard Knocks.’

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