Wednesday, November 14, 2007

True Wife Confessions 220 volts

Confession #2191

You used to be charming and loving. You used to treat me like I was a princess. I loved you and soon fell deeply in love with you. You told me I was the only girl you have ever loved and that you would do anything for me, and you did. You did do a lot for me, but that all changed. Our relationship turned around and I became the charming, loving, and giving person. I paid for everything you wanted and needed. I did everything for you. I gave up my family, school, and my passions to try to make you happy. I have never loved anyone as much as I love you, so I decided to give my life for you. I was at your beck and call and I still am. But you wouldn't give the same back. You didn't pay enough attention to me. You became angry with me everyday which causes our fighting. We argue everyday and you tell me your not happy anymore. It seems like every week you break my heart and tell me it's over. Then I beg and plea for your forgiveness and say I love you. You then take me back. Since I felt neglected, I became needy. I didn't let you hang out with your friends because I wanted you to be with me. I am the one that put your phone in water so you couldn't hang out with anyone. I am also the one that slashed your tire so you couldn't leave and you would have to rely on me. I lied to you about being pregnant and you still do not know. You still think I got an abortion. I also have cheated on you with your best friends and with other guys because I needed to have my emotional need met. Since I have been so miserable through out my life, I wanted you to be as well. I can't seem to stop picking fights with you, just so you would pay attention to me. For all this I am sorry. You truly are my first love, but I don't know why I do these things. I want you to be there for me and maybe things will change. I am so sorry for everything I have done, but you hurt me as well.

Confession #2192

Honey just once could you watch a Viagra or Cialis commercial withoutcommenting on the side effect of a four hour hard on? Just once? Youare 42 years old, not a frat boy. It wasn't funny the first time, andsurely is not funny the four thousandth time.

Confession #2193

Honey, I know I told you I was cool with you looking at on-line porn, but that's simply not true. I just said that in hopes that you would feel guilty and stop. To be honest, I check your computer daily, sometimes twice daily, to see if you've been surfing, even when I know deep down that you haven't had the time or energy. When you're home and I'm not, I'm constantly wondering if that's what you're doing while I'm away. Sometimes, even though I'm exhausted beyond belief, I stay up until you go to bed, so you won't have the opportunity to look and satisfy yourself while your wife is asleep in the next room.

I know I said I was cool with it, but I'm not. But I know, from listening to my friends, that it's "just a guy thing" and it will never stop.

But here's something else you should also know: when I'm at home and you're not, I look at it too.

Confession #2194

I don't know where it's written that I always have to support DH in his career ambitions, but it's perfectly Ok for him to ignore mine. Yes, I know an internship involves no pay-so what? We moved across the country for his career five years ago, and he's done great. In turn we only get to see our families a few times a year, and friends? Forget it-they all live out of state except for work friends. Would I like to move closer to our families? Of course, but I've accepted that it's not going to happen as long as his career is booming here. Bottom line, he supported me going back to school full time to change careers, and I wish he'd support me taking this internship that I really want to do, and that will pay off in the long run.

Confession #2195

Married 25 years and you have finally learned to put the seat down. I'm proud of you!

You spoil me in so many ways and then you spoil it all by not doing a few little things that would make life so much easier (like picking up after yourself or doing the dishes every once in awhile). I work too, and am tired and do ALL the laundry and ALL the animal chores. Please help.

I love you to distraction and worry about your health. I wish so much that you would stop drinking like you stopped smoking all those years ago. I want you around for a LONG time to come good habits and bad.

Confession #2196

I never thought I’d be the kind of person who would sleep with amarried man, but I am. It was an escalation. He’s my best friend, andhe loves me. We knew each other for years before the first time. Hehelped me survive my divorce when I was certain I wanted to killmyself. I know he loves his wife and daughter, too, and he doesn’twant to hurt them. He’ll never leave them, and he has never lied tome about it. Sometimes I fantasize that his wife will leave him andwe will be together, then I feel guilty because I’m hoping for aninnocent little girl to lose her family because of my needs.

I want his happiness above even my own, and that means him stayingwith his family. He loves his baby more than life itself. And I don’twant to hurt a woman and child I don’t even know. I just need him inmy life. Even if the sex stopped, I would still need him in my life.He reminds my soul to breathe.

I can’t tell anyone about this because it’s such a cliche. Everyonewho cheats thinks his or her situation is special. I’m just so tiredof being alone.

The kicker is that I’m divorced because my husband cheated on me. Iwill never judge anyone ever again for feeling this way. I’ve lostthe moral high ground, but I won’t stop. I’m 29 years old, and I’vehad sex with two men in my whole life: My ex-husband and somebodyelse’s husband.

I’m so scared that I will never meet anyone I love this much.

Confession #2197

Some days I feel so alone. I am surrounded by good friends, but I can't tell them what you did to me. I have a wonderful mom & dad, but they would hate you if they knew. People say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but that is a lie. I do not feel stronger, I feel broken. Things have been better between us, but I still see her face, still feel her presence in our marriage. You were willing to share you thoughts and feelings with a women you knew for a month, and yet you still, even now shut me out. That is why I am writing a freaking website instead of talking to you, because I try and you just push me away.

We talk about having another child and as much as I want one, the thought of having one with you, scares the hell out of me. I know you think you mean it when you say you will never hurt me like that again. But you were very convincing when you told me that nothing was going on between you and her. You made me feel like a paranoid idiot. You were lying, and I was right. Then when you told me it was over, we would start fresh, new, you were looking up her address, directions from our house to hers. I don't know what is truth and what is lies with you anymore. What didn't kill me, did not make me stronger. It only makes me wish it had killed me.

Confession #2198

I don't know how long it will take, but as soon as I have enough money I am taking the kids and leaving you. When we lived out of town you were so happy. I could never go anywhere or do anything without your say so. Now we live here amongst my own family and friends you can't stand it. I actually have a life of my own and you hate it! Well fuck you! You just want a quiet submissive little lady to wash your shitty underwear, cook your meals and keep her mouth shut. And that is NOT me. I take care of the kids all day with zero adult conversation, and I do everything you tell me to do on that stupid list - so why can't you just leave me the fuck alone? Nag nag nag all the time.You complain that all I seem to want to do in the evenings is either relax with a book or go over to see a friend. How terrible of me!! All I want is to talk to someone and have someone acknowledge the fact I am on this Earth to do more than be your slave. All you ever talk to me about is what happens at your office or what your seedy, cheating friends are up to behind their wives backs. I need real conversation. I even tried to watch your stupid fight shows so I could talk to you about something and even then you wouldn't talk to me. You were so different when we met. You pretended to like the same things as me, said we'd go to places that interested me but that never happened.As time went on your true self came out. You became more and more distant, more bothered about your job and talked to me less and less. You even 'forgot' my fucking birthday last year because you said you didn't want to trouble yourself with thinking of something to get me! Since then I have given up. In truth I gave up a long time ago. I forget when. The time you hit me? The time you told my 2yr old son you'd 'fucking kill him'? You neglect me and the children. You'd rather play video games with your stupid friends than play with the kids. You think spanking them and shouting at them is good discipline. It's not. I don't care if that was how you were brought up. It's bullshit. I thought that I was staying with you for their sake, now I know I have to LEAVE you for their sake. I know that it will only get worse as they grow older. I can't put my kids through that. I won't stand by and watch you crush their self esteem, belittle them and make them hate me for being with you and allowing it all to happen. Our four year old already says 'daddy doesn't love me' and 'i don't like daddy'. It breaks my heart. I am so glad we are not married, not that it makes it any easier. When the baby is old enough I am going to get a job and save as much money as possible to get us the hell away from you. And I won't even say goodbye. We will leave when you go away to one of your precious work retreat weekends. The minute you're out of that door I will pack up our things and run. You will not hear from us again. Maybe I'll leave you a note? And I know exactly what it will say - "Wash your own fucking shitty underwear!"

Confession #2199

I'm tired of waiting around for you to "get your feet back under you." In fact, I'm not really sure what that even means, since you were the one that pulled the rug out in the first place. I would happily wait if I could trust you. But you've proven that is a mistake, time and again. I would also gladly wait if I felt like you were actually working on the problems that drove you to torpedo this relationship. But I don't think you're doing the work. I've been here for you and I've been far better to you than you deserve--even you are forced to agree with this. I need to be with someone who isn't willing to give me up quite so easily. I need to be swept off my feet and loved senseless. I need to be with someone who has guts and strength and isn't motivated by fear. I'm beginning to think that the one thing I don't need is you. I told you the clock is ticking, but I fear time is actually up. I'm sorry. But I deserve better, and if I'm not going to get it from you, well, a little bit of sadness now is eminently preferable to a whole lifetime of heartbreak by inches. If all you can do is let me down, all I can do is let you go.

Confession #2200

I love it when you actually fall asleep before me. It doesn't happenoften but when it does I like to snake my hand around you and throw myleg over your hip. I nestle my head close to yours so I can feel yourbreath on my mouth. I regulate my own breathing so that when you exhaleI inhale, it just feels like I get to have a little more of you and yourtime before I drift off myself.

I love you so much, words can't describe it and touch can't convey it.

11 comments:

S
said...

2198 - don't wait for the silly job. LEAVE NOW. Go to your mom and tell her everything. Live there until you can get a job and get back on your feet. But, please, at all costs, DO NOT STAY THERE FOR ONE MORE SECOND.

2196 - you will meet someone who you will love even more and who will love you whole heartedly and completely... but you must make yourself available first. Break it off w/ this married man and work on making yourself healthy, happy, and whole. After that the true and beautiful love will come to you.

2195 - why does he have to put the seat down for you? do you put the seat up for him??? you might want to consider his feelings. just a thought.

2193: Then why don't you suggest looking at it together? You must not be that upset by porn itself, if you look at it too. SO make it a shared activity instead of one that you are each hiding from the other.

2198: You have got to get out of there. Your post is so scary, you are on borrowed time as it is.

On another note: I cannot fathom the "shitty underwear" thing. Who are these men who can't wipe their own asses properly? My husband can, so why do some men feel it's okay to not wipe? GROSS. Aren't they embarrassed?

2191: You need help. You need help right away. Listen: Let him go out with his friends: it will only make him want to come homeDon't put his phone in the water:He will only get a new one:Why would you do these things?What has happened in your life to make you so stupid?

2191 - I strongly advise you to seek professional help. Your behaviour is not normal and you will definitely lose your man by continuing to act this way. For his sake and your own, see a therapist and work through your issues.

#2191, check out #2198, think carefully, put the man down and walk away. You can't get more nuts without him than you're getting with him.

#2192, what IS it with the same damn joke like Chinese water torture? d, are you out there? any thoughts on this?

#2194, have you explained that the internship is just like another course in school - except YOU don't have to pay for IT? Try pointing out that you (I'm making an assumption here, big news) don't have to buy any textbooks for an internship. That said, realize that internships don't always get you anything but memories.

2198 - GO NOW! Please, for your sake and the sake of your children. There are women's shelters, and as uncomfortable as that might be for you and your kids, it's a heck of a lot better than a hospital bed or a morgue.

GO! Don't fall into that "He'd never seriously hurt me" belief... he will if he wants to, and you can't stop him. The only way to ensure your safety and the safety of your children is to go now. Please don't take this lightly.