I can hardly type for crying so much. today is bad. I am in pain. my body aches or feel inflamed most of the time. I have a bad back and a fracture in my back that bothers me as well. I really don't know what is causing all of this aches and inflmation and guess the doctors don't know either. It would help if I had a name to this. I feel like people don't understand. I had parathyroid surgery 2 months ago. I know that my calicum was high in my blood, but that should be resloved. I have an appointment with a new pm doc. I had a panic attack today, just not sure I will get better. How does one cope when you feel bad so much of the time? I tried not to take my pain meds today. I don't want to take this stuff. I ended up taking it because my legs hurt so much. I feel like a big baby. I have been taking St Johns wort for depression for the last 3 years, it worked pretty well up until I changed brands because my pharmacy did not carry it anymore. I don't want to be on drugs my whole life. I also read your post and realize that many of you have it soooo much worse than me, I feel bad complaining. I just want my pain to go away. Sorry to be a drag. The meds are kicking in and I am starting to feel a bit better.
Thanks for letting me get this out.

georgi,
You have definitely come to the right place to complain. I think that nearly everyone on this board that does have chronic pain has experienced depression, fear, and hating the effects of the meds. I can tell you that I am definitely one of those people. I am bi-polar but for a long time the doctors thought that it was just depression. I would suggest maybe trying some of the other natural supplements for depression like 5-htp and some others that I can't remember. I was trying to get off of Ultram a couple of months ago and got to a point where I was having over powering and nearly crippling depression. I knew that I needed help especially when thoughts of taking my life were creeping in. So I told my psychiatrist and we tried an anti-depressant which the first one, Prozac, did not mix well and I had to switch to Effexor. I am still having some depression but I know it is no where near where I was without taking it. I have also gotten my pain under very good control and that is helping with the depression factor as well since

more pain -> more depression-> more pain -> more depression -> and on & on

The best way to stop the cycle is to get better control of the pain & possibly add an anti-depressant. I know that Cymbalta has worked very well for many people here as it helps with pain also. I think the anti-depressant help to change the way we perceive pain. When we are not depressed, the mind is able to handle the pain better, just my opinion.

As for not wanting to deal with the drug side effects. Trust me I do not like having to deal with the side effects day after day. But the benefits definitely do outweight the side effects. That is how all of us decide whether to take certain medications for pain. If you can put up with an tolerate the side effects and it allows you greater quality of life, then why not take them. I am on a mixture of meds that would totally nock some people out and these are per day: Lyrica 600mg, Trileptal 1500mg, fentanyl patch 50mcg, ultram 100mg, Lortab 20mg/day and melatonin 3mg (at night), benadryl 50-75mg (at night). If you think that I like the side effects, he** no. I can tell you that my pain levels average about a 3 instead of a couple of months ago when they were averaging 6-7. So you are definitely not the only one who goes through these things and this is the place to get them out. I like how one of my counselors put it that I was emotionally consipated and I just needed to let it out. So just let it out.

Hi Georgi, Hope you are doing better. It is not easy. I don't know how I do it somedays either. There are days I can't even get up and shower. I am 43 and had to retire because I could not work anymore with the pain. I also have Narcolepsy, sleep apnea, undiagnosed stomach problems in addition to the pain from my lumbar fusion, nerve damage etc. My dr. suggested that I was depressed because I am in so much pain and tired all the time. I told her I was not. The symptons of Narcolepsy are almost identical to depression. I told her the difference is that I want to get out of bed but physically cannot. Not the other way around. Somedays I sit here and just say to myself that I am so sick of being in pain. I'm sick of going to the dr. constantly. I'm sick of taking a handful of meds everyday. I take two different amphetamines for the Narcolepsy just to stay awake. Then I take Topamax, Skelaxin and Oxycodone for pain which make you tired. The meds fight each other. People don't understand. I have to listen to my mother tell me all the time that I take too much medicine. She means well. I tell her I need it all. Since that actor died she thinks I am going to screw up with my meds. I know what I am doing. Everyday I put a smile on my face so people don't even know I am in so much pain. I have a 14 year old son so I think that is what keeps me going. I don't want him to know what kind of pain I am in. I'll say I am in pain so he knows but does not know to what extent. I go to his games in pain etc. I try to keep things normal. It just stinks. I use to worry about too much meds. But, you have to do what you have to do. Weigh the pros and cons. I didn't mean to give you my life story. I just wanted you to know you are not alone. I hope it helps you to know you are not alone. Feel better.

Hessie, one thing you said stuck out to me, and is a driving force behind the depression I frequently feel - and that is that you put a smile on your face so people don't know you're in pain. I do the same thing. We pretend that everything is OK, when inside it is so far from OK..... I think that by living a "double life" somewhat, that drives the depression deeper - for me anyway. We put on the smile so that people don't know we're in pain, but then I think I get angry that people don't know. It's not that I want sympathy, but it's like I want support. I think we, as human beings, need a little bit of love & caring. Sometimes we just want to hear: "I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I hope you're doing OK." We do hear that here on the board, but sometimes I think I crave it in real like. Maybe it's sort of like wanting some empathy. Wanting people to realize how bad off we really are. Because when we put on a smile & pretend everything is OK, everyone else goes about life like everything is OK. But sometimes you just want to scream: "Everything is NOT ok - do you people have any idea how much pain I'm in? How many medications I take? How diminished my quality of life is?" I don't know. I'm not making any sense. But I know I do the "put on a happy face" routine, but then I crave the opposite - I want people to know. I find myself wishing pain on people sometimes, just so they could have a glimpse into what my life feels like. What a horrible thing to say, but it's the way I feel. This board has been a blessing, knowing that there are others out there who actually get it. Even my husband, sweet as he is and supportive as he is, doesn't "get it." Anyway......

oh my word..i just came across this and i feel the exact same way. and i have sort of felt guilty for feeling that way-wishing people could feel my pain just so they would know what it's like -wishing they could be on the meds im on just so they could feel how crappy it is. this is an old post but i just had to write back! it's so wonderful to hear that from someone even if it is online. thankyou!

The following user gives a hug of support to molliefrog24:nochange (08-04-2011)