Dallas Rivers: You damn right, baby. [ to Doctor ] You know what? Call me when you ready to stop practicing, and do this for real. [ turns back to his wife ] Anyway, as I was sayin’ —

Doctor: Okay, what I need is —

[ the Nurse enters ]

Nurse: Mr. Rivers, if we could just get your address and Social Security Number..

Dallas Rivers: Ohh! Here we go. Time to put me in the SYSTEM!!

Mrs. Rivers: He didn’t do NOTHIN’!!

Dallas Rivers: Ah, it’s ON, now! First they get your SOCIAL! Then, the next thing you know, there’s gonna be a strange black VAN parked on the corner of my block, and the Girl Scout cookie girl’s gonna put a LIST’NIN’ device in my SA-MO-AS!!

Mrs. Rivers: Baby, don’t buy dem cookies!

Dallas Rivers: I WON’T!! I won’t NEVER BUY THOSE COOKIES!!!

[ the Doctor and Nurse are dumbstruck ]

Nurse: Fine. It’s your leg.

Mrs. Rivers: No! It’s your leg!

[ Dallas Rivers and his Wife laugh, and twiddle their fingers once more ]

Nurse: And who are you, Sir?

Mrs. Rivers: [ with great offense ] Sir?! I’m his wife!

[ the Nurse and Doctor look at one another with great confusion ]

Doctor: Mr. Rivers, I’m trying to help you, alright? We just need to get you X-rayed.

Dallas Rivers: Oh, no! Nuh uh uh uh! You’re not gonna be shootin’ ME up with the voo-doo! I had one of your X-rays before, and you know what happened?

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn View all posts by Don Roy King