April 19, 2006

Six Things...The Results Show

Yesterday, we played a little game of guess the lie. I've retained the top-notch accounting firm of Abramoff, Skilling & Ebbers to review all the votes and deliver a decisive winner. Despite charging me $394,000 to do the job (which took 20 minutes), plundering various Indian casinos and leaving behind a trail of dead hookers, they seem to be unable to deliver one clear winner. Instead, they brought my 12 names (and a heap of legal trouble). Yes, there were 12 lucky winners. Before I reveal them, however, I need to clear some stuff up.

The Truths:
I'm not scared of boats, just the undersides of them. And shipwrecks. That's some eerie stuff right there. Strangely enough, the example Beth used to poke fun at me was partially true. I was indeed snorkeling off the Caymans when a giant ship passed by. It was freaky. Now, the sock thing is also true but Beth did exaggerate just a bit. And, truth be told, Beth has some socks that are so worn they're practically transparent. People with crappy socks shouldn't throw glass in stone houses. Or something like that. It's also true that I go all rainman when it comes to music yet I can't remember how old I am. I actually had to do the math the other day. Nor can I remember how much money I make a year.

The Lies:
As much as I do collect things - music and books, mainly - I don't have a lightbulb collection. Nor do I understand the delicate art of origami, even dirty origami. Although I might learn because that could be fun. Finally, I absolutely abhor The Dead, with every fiber of my being. I have never, in my life, been able to comprehend the appeal. And for two fucking days I've had Ripple in my head. I need to floss my brain.

Dang, I knew I'd regret the Grateful Dead choice as soon as I made it!

Now you've made me have to defend my chosen profession a little bit. Arthur Andersen kind of gave us accountants a bad name for a while but there have been so many improvements in the industry to better detect fraud since Enron. As an auditor I feel I have a fiduciary duty to the shareholders and the public in general to give them an accurate picture of the company's financial standings. Obviously, Arthur Andersen was more concerned about AA's bottom line which is why they looked the other way when it came to Enron's shady investment holdings and ultimately why they went belly-up. **cautiously steps off of soap box**

Hot damn! I love Scarlet Begonias and all, but winning this is better than a Box of Rain and Ripple combined!! I know every silver lining has a Touch of Grey but with a bonafide Cactus-Fish Compilation I can keep on Truckin' and make Casey Jones and my other Friend (of the Devil) so jealous!

By the way, I am married to a Dead Head. All I can say is he is really good in bed!

I'm so glad to find someone else with the same fear of shipwrecks. I once became frozen with fear in a museum exhibit that had a replica of the Titanic wreck and had to be physically removed from the room. I had difficulty even snorkeling around a fake shipwreck that had been planted off an island in the Bahamas.

Finally. Someone who feels the same way I do about the Dead. (One of my oldest friends used to play bass in Bob Weir's side band...you wouldn't believe the sun-gropers that followed even THAT band around...)