My Winter Capsule Wardrobe Themes

I really struggled with this season. I loved my Fall Capsule so much that I just kept wearing most of those pieces into winter and even carried some over. With the exception of my ankle boots, leopard loafers and a sweater or two, most of my winter clothes are from past seasons. So narrowing down my winter bin to the pieces I truly LOVE brought out my mad procrastination skills.

You’ll see a few recurring themes here…

I love stripes

Chunky turtleneck sweaters are my jam

Neutrals make mixing and matching so much easier

Incorporating Holiday Tops in Your Winter Capsule Wardrobe

Because of the holidays, it can be challenging and tempting to keep several festive prints and items in your closet. Since the holidays only last for a few weeks, I didn’t want to overdo it. I decided on two tops — one blouse and one sweater. Both are versatile enough to layer with some of my other tops and cardis, and pair well with all of my pants.

Keep in mind, I do have a mini “special occasion” capsule that I keep for weddings and big events. This allows space for more formal tops or dresses that I don’t wear on a day-to-day (or even monthly) basis, but that are nice to to have on-hand when needed.

I highly recommend considering separate mini capsules if it suits your lifestyle. Remember my motto, if you’re going to live the capsule life, make it work for YOU.

The Lowdown on Winter Capsule Wardrobe Pants and Shoes

I don’t count my outerwear as part of my Winter Capsule Wardrobe. But I do try to keep those items to a minimum. My outerwear primarily includes: 6 coats, 3 pairs of Hunter Boots, and 1 pair of UGG Boots. If I’m wearing flats to work, I always wear my Hunters outside until I get to the office. (Let me know in the comments if you’d like to see a post on outerwear!)

The best part about keeping limited pants in your capsule is that you can have a party with all your different tops!

Transitioning from a Winter Capsule Wardrobe to Spring

Welp, it’s mid-March and we’re expecting snow this weekend. So as much as I’d like to move on to spring outfits, I’ll keep wearing my boots and sweaters a little longer. Actually, my favorite winter-to-spring transition items are sweaters, cardis and sneakers, so it’s not too bad after all.

Stay tuned for a preview of my Spring Capsule Wardrobe next week!

Was this post helpful? Any questions about why I chose certain pieces or how I narrowed everything down?

LASTLY, don’t forget to sign up for my newsletter to be among the first to know when the brand-name clothes I’m letting go of are available to shop! (Hint: next week.)

SHOP MY WINTER CAPSULE WARDROBE

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]]>https://littlemissfearless.com/2018-winter-capsule-wardrobe/feed/6The Girl Who Found the Courage to Be Imperfecthttps://littlemissfearless.com/little-miss-fearless-the-girl-who-found-the-courage-to-be-imperfect/
https://littlemissfearless.com/little-miss-fearless-the-girl-who-found-the-courage-to-be-imperfect/#commentsTue, 13 Mar 2018 22:31:41 +0000https://littlemissfearless.com/?p=14069This article originally appeared in Lollies and Lace.

Little Miss Fearless. A believer in facing fears and that life starts at the end of your comfort zone. Braving the fashion world with my personal style blog.

This was my mantra and social media bio for the first few years of my blogging career.

I started my blog in August 2012, after months of brainstorming and years of taking my own outfit photos with my laptop to speed up the process of getting ready each day. Of course, I had fears about taking my hobby to the masses, so I reached out to some new acquaintances, like Rach Parcell of the blog Pink Peonies, for advice.

She told me to focus on 3 things (taken verbatim from an email):

Be patient. Gaining followers takes time, don’t give up or get discouraged, and remember it’s not about the numbers.

It’s a learning experience by trial and error. The more you blog, the more you learn.

Don’t compare yourself to other bloggers and always keep true to your style and yourself.

It seemed easy enough. And I was up for the challenge because I recognized the courage it took for me to put myself out there in a world where I thought only the prettiest girls succeed.

Fake it til you become it?

I researched and bought a new camera, convinced my sister and husband to take photos for me every weekend, and began posting outfit inspiration three times per week.

It all seemed to be working because I was gaining traffic to my site, growing my social media presence, and top brands and bloggers were thinking of me for their promotions and giveaways.

The fashion blogger poses were becoming easier to master and with each photoshoot I saw myself as a contender in the style blogging space. The only challenge really, was that with each new brand collaboration my peers touted about, the more I began comparing my worth to their success. And that’s when the real struggle began.

Perhaps because “becoming it” wasn’t about establishing myself as a fashion expert, getting invited to Fashion Week or starting my own clothing line. I never really had those dreams. Instead, it meant seeing myself as one of or equal to the other women in this space who appeared to be and do everything perfectly and effortlessly.

It wasn’t about becoming a better version of myself or reaching a goal. It was about becoming a version of someone else in order to like myself and earn approval from others.

Finding empathy in tragedy.

In May 2015, I was having lunch with some friends while on a work trip for Adobe in San Francisco.

I learned the story of Madison Holleran, the beautiful 19-year-old collegiate athlete who died by suicide when she jumped from a parking garage in downtown Philadelphia. Watching and reading her story felt like reading my own… with an alternate ending. I see so much of myself in her.

The tragedy of her death isn’t just about her struggle with perfectionism, it’s about the role and influence of Instagram on her self talk. Something I had been deeply struggling with when I discovered her story.

I shared my most vulnerable blog post at the time, recapping how her story impacted my life and the powerful message it conveyed that “it’s ok to not be ok.” It’s ok to show people you’re not ok, and that you’re struggling and imperfect and need help.

For the first time, I felt understood. Maddy understood my pain. And I felt so much purpose in opening up so that others could feel understood, too.

I wanted Little Miss Fearless to stand for something bigger. But in the midst of my own struggle, I couldn’t see past the fog of my negative self talk long enough to believe that I had any light to offer anyone when I couldn’t glow myself.

Being honest with myself about perfectionism.

Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect and act perfectly, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment and shame.

I didn’t really begin to understand perfectionism and the role it had played in my life (starting long before my blog), until I stumbled upon Brené Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection: Letting Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embracing Who You Are. I was on a 6-month maternity leave with my IVF baby, Benjamin, and trying to rebound from the lack of motivation I felt to connect with anyone on social media. (My 2015 IVF and pregnancy journey was it’s own secret battle, but we’ll save that story for another time.)

As I studied Brené’s work, one habit that was brought to light for me about perfectionists, is that when we fail, we don’t say to ourselves, “I’m human. I didn’t make it this time, but that’s okay. I did my best and I’ll try again.” Instead, we say to ourselves, “Next time I’ll be even more perfect.” It’s completely externally driven by the fear of what people think.

We all know perfection doesn’t exist, yet many of us still spend time and energy trying to attain it. The inability for us to ever arrive at perfection becomes a vicious, self-deprecating cycle that leads to never believing we’re enough.

I had to be honest with myself: my way of thinking was no longer working for me. I was exhausted from trying and striving and perfecting and NEVER feeling like I was enough. I could no longer move forward. I wanted to quit my blog on a daily, sometimes hourly basis, but I knew the problem wouldn’t go away with my blog. The problem was in my mind, my perspective.

Owning my story and loving myself is the bravest thing I’ll ever do.

For most of 2017, I poured myself into every book, audiobook, TED talk, Oprah interview, online course and news article I could find from Brené Brown. Her story resonated with me as much as Maddy’s did. She taught me that when perfectionism is driving us, shame is always riding shotgun and fear is the backseat driver. I learned how to speak shame (the fear we all have that we’re not worthy of connection) and how to identify where it started for me, the role it plays in my life and how to become shame resilient—how to BELIEVE I’m worthy of connection.

I didn’t stop there. It’s easy to study the work, but not so easy to put it into action. So I began seeing a therapist in September 2017 who is certified in Brené’s work. She helped me identify my core values, which have helped me find my glow. I also participated in a 5-week group therapy class called the Daring Way, based on Brené’s book, Daring Greatly. And realized for the first time that WE ALL experience shame. Everyone in that class had a story to share about the role of shame in their life.

The friendships I made, and the things we learned together, were powerful in helping me on my path to shame resilience. It was the first big step toward accepting my struggles with perfectionism (not trying to dismiss or conceal them) and to truly owning my story.

Writing the ending.

It’s difficult to write a story that hasn’t yet ended. In many ways, if this were the end, I’d feel satisfied that I finally found myself. A happy ending of sorts. That some good came from this lifelong struggle I’ve faced to love, accept and believe in myself.

I’m still in the middle. Taking every fear, every challenge, and every opportunity, one day at a time. I’m practicing self compassion and empathy, the antidote to shame, and sharing the positive perspective I have, now that I’m free. Free to love myself, free to believe I’m enough, and free to help others find their glow.

The story now goes something like this: Little Miss Fearless. The girl who found the courage to be imperfect.

As most of you know, I’ve been making a lot of changes in my life lately, from simplifying my wardrobe, to finding my WHY, to cultivating the courage to let my imperfect self be seen. My lifelong struggle with perfectionism is at the core of it all, it’s become my WHY, and learning to let go of my old thinking has empowered me to empower others.

It started with one question that I kept asking myself over and over.

Why do I feel this way?

That desperate question led to my seeking answers in books (yes, Brené Brown was the game-changer), educating myself about emotions and cultural influences, and enrolling in additional group therapy classes to learn, alongside others, how to live a more brave life.

Change is HARD.

I’ve learned it truly is made in small decisions every single day, that for me, began with identifying my core values. I knew if I could align my life to what really matters to me, I could begin to let go of all the other things that I spend so much time thinking and worrying about.

There’s just one catch.

If I had never learned how to read, how to write, how to communicate, how to question the status quo… I would never have found the resources that ultimately taught me how to love and accept myself. And without that, I wouldn’t believe in my ability to make a difference.

Knowledge is power is confidence.

Today, I’m teaming up with Mon Amie (last seen here + here) to celebrate International Women’s Day, a global initiative to progress gender parity. I love what this brand stands for—do good, see good, share good—and I’m honored to join them to strive for equality among women. Every Mon Amie watch supports a unique cause to give back to people in the world who don’t have access to the things many of us take for granted.

Because of my passion for knowledge, I chose the Education watch, which gives back to the physical needs of classrooms in underdeveloped countries. Imagine if we all saw education the way these people do. To them, it’s a privilege, and women of all ages are reaping the benefits of the educational process provided through Mon Amie’s efforts. #MonAmieforSHE

That makes me feel SO good.

How can you get involved?

I believe change starts within each of us. A desire to be the good in the world—to love ourselves and our families first—can have an immeasurable impact on how we engage with those around us.

Start with a simple question: Why do I feel this way? What makes me cry? What makes my heart break?

Then, take that passion, search for an answer (your WHY), and pay it forward to the women around you, and women who lack the education and resources to find their own WHY.

Mon Amie has so many causes to choose from, including Health, Opportunity, Education, Food and Water. Use code MA25247 for 25% off your order at MonAmieWatches.com and browse my favorite styles below.

MY MON AMIE PICKS

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I’d love to hear which cause resonates with you and how you’re celebrating #InternationalWomensDay!

WHERE DO YOU GO TO CONNECT WITH YOUR MOST AUTHENTIC SELF?

Monday morning after an early OrangeTheory workout, I returned home, sweaty and bundled up in my green puffer coat that has become my only reliable coping strategy for frigid, Utah winters. I had 45 minutes until Benj would wake up so I sat on the gray swivel chair in my upstairs office and began my 3-minute Headspace meditation.

The soft light from my desk lamp lit the room and I felt the silent, sleeping world around me. This particular mediation was focused on “Restoration,” and the calm, British male voice took me through a visualization with sunlight. I closed my eyes and immediately transported myself to Maui.

I sat on the black rocks that line the shore between Front Street and Wahikuli Wayside Park, a small picnic area just off the main highway in Lahaina that I used to run to from my house. My meditation was just like my actual experience there. I was wearing running shoes, a tank top and basketball shorts (I hadn’t discovered real workout clothes yet). The sunlight beamed on my arms and shoulders as I took deep breaths that smelled of sea salt and grilled pineapple, wrapped in a bun of humidity.

WHAT EXPERIENCES SHAPED WHO YOU ARE TODAY?

In my last blog post on cultivating authenticity, I mentioned how I often refer back to my “Maui Manda” self. The 21-year-old version of me who first discovered herself while living in Maui. My adventures there are best saved for future blog posts, but in terms of the life experiences that shape who we are, the summer of 2007 in Maui was monumental for me.

My time there wasn’t fancy. I didn’t frolic around The Four Seasons at Wailea and drink piña coladas by the pool, I lived in a sizable 4-plex home with roommates whom I didn’t know prior to my move there. Our washing machine sat outside on our back patio and we line-dried our clothes in our bedrooms, waking up to the sound of roosters crowing and a dusting of tiny insect wings on our blankets (I never figured out how those got through the screen windows). The house was hot during the day, very worn, and the occasional cockroach encounter brought me literal chills and nightmares, but also some tear-jerking belly laughs that I’ll never ever forget.

I remember several moments of emotional struggle while in Maui. It wasn’t the “perfect” summer of my life, although it could certainly be disguised as such. I had moments where I felt very alone, misunderstood, like I didn’t belong or like I wasn’t enough. Feelings, I’m learning now, that are just part of life and part of my story.

But something I did there created a peace and truth inside me that has guided me through new struggles for the past 10 years. I was intentional about finding time to be present with myself, completely grounded in nature, and reflecting on how far I’d come while dreaming of where I’d go next and who I’d become. (You can picture me in a cross-legged yoga pose at sunset, but I never actually sat like that.)

WHAT FEELS TRUE FOR YOU?

I remember a few weeks before coming home, I was making plans to return to school to get my degree, looking up a 5k or two that I could train for and feeling not just content with myself, but excited about who I was. I didn’t just KNOW myself, I had fallen in love with myself in Maui. I owned my story.

I knew that I valued the simple things in life and I was proud of that. I didn’t need all the material things that were constantly in my face on the mainland (I loved being a “local” and referring to the rest of the country as “the mainland”). I knew I was imperfect, but I believed I was lovable.

I didn’t have the emotional vocabulary back then to put words or definitions to my values, but I always knew how they felt to me:

Family is eternal—love unconditionally.

Faith is power—act on it.

Courage defines character—embrace it wholeheartedly.

Authenticity breeds connection—let yourself be seen.

Humor bonds us together—encourage it.

These 5 values make me feel the most alive. They are each deeply threaded throughout my life and make me who I am.

VALUES LIGHT THE WAY.

I’ve been lost several times between Maui Manda and “Nowie Manda” (I know, I’m so clever). Whether it was changing my major, staying at an unhealthy job for too long or starting a fashion blog and completely losing myself in the desire for perfection, I’ve regrettably forgotten some of my values at times.

But when Brené Brown’s work inspired me to find a therapist last fall to continue working through my issues, one of the first exercises we did together was a clarification of values from Brené’s The Daring Way curriculum. I later signed up for The Daring Way group class and have been building on my core values, making changes to re-align my life to them (capsule wardrobe anyone?) and I’m so happy to feel authentically me again.

It’s still hard some days. I can’t take my lunch break on the beach and pretend to be thousands of miles away from my shame triggers, the things that cause me to fear I’m not enough. But I am developing some rituals to more easily connect with my values every day (Headspace app being one of them) and I encourage you to do the same (more to come on this).

As I learned from Brené, “There are no guarantees in the arena. We will struggle. We will even fail. There will be darkness. But if we are clear about the values that guide us in our efforts to show up and be seen, we will always be able to find the light. We will know what it means to live brave.”

TAKE THE VALUES CLARIFICATION EXERCISE

When I started opening up about my struggles with perfectionism, that I’m seeing a therapist, and how passionate I am about Brené Brown’s work, several people requested to know more about the values exercise I did that sparked all this change. I’ve put together a simple download that’s adapted from Brené’s curriculum, using my own experience with the exercise. If you want to get clear about what values you hold most important, be sure to sign up for the free download below!

Download the Free Values List Exercise

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Lately, when scrolling my Instagram, I’ve noticed a lot more people sharing their fitness routines. They tell us about their favorite exercise gear, favorite workouts, what they love to eat and why. These people seem to love fitness, they’ve found what works for them, and constantly have advice to share with their followers on how they got to where they are (hey, I’m guilty of it, too).

Don’t get me wrong, I think this is great. We’re all looking for ways to improve, and drawing from others’ experiences and success can give us new things to try for ourselves. Plus, when we have found something that works, it’s exciting to share that love and energy with others.

BUT, doesn’t it also sometimes feel like everyone — everyone but you — has it all figured out? Like they’re all doing what they love and you’re still trying to figure out what you love (if anything) about fitness?

To uncover what’s really going on here, I decided to poll several friends and family members for their answers to one simple question:

What do you HATE about fitness?

I think you’re gonna like what they all had to say, and since it isAuthenticity Month here on Little Miss Fearless, you may even appreciate the reminder that it’s not real for anyone to love everything about fitness. Some people are better at turning what they hate into something they love (and keeping their focus there), but we ALL hate something sometimes.

From elite runners and fitness pros who’ve lived their lives being consistently fit, to people who have struggled with their weight or struggled with making fitness a consistent part of their lifestyle, all of these responses come from people with varying interests in fitness. Some are moms, some are new moms, some are working professionals, some are men and dads.

Here are 8 things we all hate about fitness…

Comparison + Never Enough

Probably the thing I hate most about fitness is when I feel like I failed. I have high expectations and sometimes it does me more harm than good to try to live up to those expectations.

There are so many resources on social media and at-home workout plans and all…every girl in them looks so perfect and man, I can’t seem to get that way. Or don’t have time or enough drive to I guess.

I hate that there’s never really an end goal or destination. Once you reach one goal, there’s always something more to work on.

The never feeling like I’m enough.

Comparing myself to other people at the gym.

I hate that fitness blogs/posters/ads always use the same body type to show what it looks like to be fit. It gives women the wrong idea of what they will look like once they are fit. Because everyone has different body types. Like if they are thick, it doesn’t make them fat, if they just can’t get muscle to show, that doesn’t mean they aren’t strong. Ads are getting better… But they still use the same body type most of the time. I feel like everyone is trying to be what they can’t achieve. And some people make it like a competition. If I focus too much on how other people are doing, it makes me competitive and I don’t want to be.

My biggest struggle is finding balance between accomplishing goals and forgiving myself when I fall short. As a runner, it is always hard not to compare your current self to your ideal self all the time.

All-consuming

The obsession.

I don’t like it when running or exercise controls me and my thoughts.

When I commit to a plan, it’s all I can think about and I hate that. I don’t want to obsess over it. Usually that’s why I end up quitting.

I hate making my whole life revolve around my eating and exercise plans.

Time commitment / Discipline / Energy

The time it takes. I don’t believe those 5-minute workouts really do much, I feel like it takes at least 20 minutes to do anything. And sometimes I feel like there are better things I could be doing in those 20 minutes.

The time commitment.

Time requirement.

One thing I hate about fitness is that when you take a week or two off and jump back in, you feel like you’ve lost everything. The soreness after that first day back, your endurance is lacking… you really have to keep working at it daily.

The time commitment.

Lack of social life.

I guess it adds to the time thing (and this is kinda weird) but if I exercise in the mornings especially, I have to take a shower! Which is really inconvenient with children. Lol. It adds at least 10 more minutes to my workout time.

Finding time and energy for it.

I hate not being a morning person, esp with running. I have so little will power in the morning and struggle with rationalizing my way into more sleep and less discipline. Then I always regret it and spend my day kicking myself for being lazy.

Getting ready after working out. Especially in the morning. If I want to shower before work, I have to wake up SO early to work out so there’s enough time.

I hate sweating! I don’t like wearing exercise clothes (I swear I’m the only one). I wish I could wear normal clothes lol so I don’t have to change.

Getting ready after working out.

Motivation

I don’t like getting stuck in a rut- same old runs, same old scenery, same old “this doesn’t feel good today” thoughts. Sometimes I have to mix it up and trick my mind by going somewhere I’ve never (or rarely) been to run and then suddenly I feel completely different .

Getting burned out on the same exercises and workouts.

Making it a lifestyle. I feel like I’m always starting over.

I get bored doing the same thing all the time, but it’s so uncomfortable and intimidating to try new things.

Feeling overwhelmed by where to focus (weights, cardio)…feeling like I’m not doing enough of everything, or don’t have enough time to do all I want to do. Some of that leads to losing motivation.

Gym probs

Crowded gyms. Hate waiting around for machines or weights to open up. Makes me lose direction and patience to do what I intended to do.

Hate when the guy next to me at the gym smells.

If I’m feeling bad about how I look, I hate going to the gym and feeling like everyone can see me and watch me struggle.

Not one-size-fits-all

I do hate that fitness isn’t cookie cutter. Sometimes I wish that what worked for one person would work for the next, but it is so not that way! You have to try so many different things before you find what you love and what works best for your body type. It’d be nice to have an equation like do this and you’ll get that result. But it’s not always that easy.

I hate that some random fit person can motivate me to work out, but that I can’t make myself look like them. I wish I could follow their plan exactly and get their exact results. That part sucks.

Injuries

Injuries as I am getting older.

When I try to go hard on cardio and get injured.

Don’t like aging in fitness because it hurts.

Injuries and being hurt and in pain.

Diet

Hate eating something in 5 seconds and having to put so much more work in to burn it off.

So hard to stick to it (mostly the eating part).

Worst part about fitness is I love food.

Hardest part about being fit: pepperoni.

The reality that results really don’t come to me without a strict diet.

The effort I have to put into eating right if I want results from exercising.

Tell me you don’t feel motivated now. I am a firm believer in finding motivation through self acceptance. And part of self-acceptance is realizing the common humanity in our struggles.

If you can relate to anything shared above, you likely feel less alone. And that means it’s not just you! You’re not the only one struggling for results, for better health, for a better self-image. WE ALL STRUGGLE. Not all of us share our struggles. I just happen to love sharing mine.

But the next time you’re scrolling through Instagram or Facebook, remember that behind everyone’s best foot forward, there is always a reality you may not be able to see. What matters is how you choose to share your life with others.

What do YOU hate about fitness? Would you add anything different to this list?

You know those people in your life who seem to have it all going on? They reflect in some way the person you want to be on the outside—put together, always in control, beautiful, well-dressed, happily married, mom of the year (maybe even somewhat privileged, living a life that seems so balanced in abundance)—but when you’re around them, all of their abundance intimidates you so much that you don’t even act like yourself?

Maybe you talk too fast or don’t talk at all, but you always leave feeling like you were role playing. You were completely uncomfortable in your own skin.

This scenario has happened to me a lot in my life. And the more I’ve learned about my own shame triggers—the things that cause me to question my worthiness for connection—the more I’ve become aware of what’s happening to me when I’m in these kinds of scenarios.

The weirdest part is, sometimes they’re people I totally love and trust, but just haven’t genuinely connected with yet. And I’ve always wondered WHY? Why do I act this way around certain people? It could be at work, at family gatherings, at blogger conferences or even at church.

Depending on the story we’re telling ourselves about a given person, we can subconsciously tell ourselves to behave in a way that protects us from rejection, rather than behaving in a way that aligns to who we really are and who we want to be.

Why do we disconnect?

In Brené Brown‘s book, The Gifts of Imperfection, and in my Daring Way class last fall, I learned that we all use different shame shields—a way of armoring up to protect us from the pain of shame—in different situations. According to Linda Hartling, a relational-cultural theorist whom Brené refers to throughout her work, we use three strategies of disconnection when we’re responding to shame:

We move against – trying to gain power over others, being aggressive, and using shame to fight shame.

In my scenario above, you may not relate to my tendency to “move toward” shame, but it would likely depend on whether the person who triggered shame for me also triggers shame for you. My husband, for example, is not usually the type to move toward shame. I’ve always envied him for it because he seems so effortless in social situations. But, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t experience the same kind of discomfort around certain people. He just may be more likely to move away and avoid, or move against and be aggressive, for example.

When it comes to authenticity, learning about shame and shame triggers can help us be more aware of what emotions we’re experiencing in any given situation that is causing us to behave in a way that’s not aligned with the person we want to be. (See my last post about what it means to be authentic.)

How do we get clear on who we want to be?

It starts with being honest with ourselves about who we are right now (at least that’s how it played out for me), and being honest about our behaviors and how/when they are out of alignment with our aspired values.

For example, if I say authenticity is one of my values, but I armor up, stay very surface-level in conversation and just say whatever I think someone else wants to hear (instead of what I really think), I need to get to the bottom of why I’m not behaving in alignment with my value. Is it because I’m afraid of what that particular person will think if I say what’s on my mind? If so, my next step would be to explore what the specific triggers are (i.e., if I feel like I’m not pretty enough, skinny enough or smart enough to be associating with them, then I begin doubting myself). Then I can begin working through those shame issues and finding ways to practice authenticity in those situations.

Practicing authenticity is vulnerable, but it’s worth it to me if it brings genuine connection with that person and/or if I’m being authentic to who I want to be.

The thing with vulnerability is, there’s never a guarantee that we’ll get the connection we seek on the other end. Because connection also requires vulnerability from the other person, and we can’t control where others are on their journey to authenticity. But that’s what makes us BRAVE. Our willingness to do it anyway, to give it a try because we value courage more than we’re afraid of it. That’s what living wholeheartedly means to me.

How do we find the courage to practice authenticity every day?

Brené Brown teaches that every time we enter an arena in our lives, we can bring an anthem in with us—a song (or selection of songs) that inspire us to take our armor off and let ourselves be seen by the people in the stands, even at the risk of criticism, vulnerability and shame.

Sometimes our inner critic is the loudest. When this happens, shame is driving two tapes:

To cope with this common internal narrative, I turn to my arena anthems for perspective. On days when I’m just down on myself and need help getting out of a scarcity mentality, I love songs like Colbie Caillat’s “Bubbly” or One Republic’s “Good Life” that take me back to the summer of 2007 when I lived in Maui and shortly after began dating Matt. I was so content with myself and where I was at that stage in my life. I still had dreams and things I hadn’t accomplished, but I was okay with what I lacked. And all I wanted was for everyone else in the world to be okay with where they were, too. I refer to this version of myself as “Maui Manda.”

I’ve shared with you how Blogging and Instagram are an arena for me. It still takes courage for me to be authentic in this space and let my true self be seen without giving in to my fears that to be accepted here, I need to look flawless, speak in perfectly witty, lighthearted and inspirational phrases, and act like I have my crap together. Sometimes I can genuinely say witty and inspiration things, other times, I just feel this overwhelming expectation to do everything perfectly.

My anthem for this space, and several of my arenas where the risk of shame is high, is HANDS DOWN “This Is Me” fromThe Greatest Showman. I shared a bit in my last post on authenticity, but if you haven’t seen the movie, PLEASE go see it. It is so powerful. I don’t want to spoil your experience, but you can also watch the clip of this song below. I can’t get enough!

﻿

What if we could change the world?

If we all got a little clearer on who we want to be, began living the values we claim, and choosing to be more authentic every day, don’t you think we could change the way the world views itself?

What is ugly would be beautiful. What is unpopular could be accepted. We could all live with our hearts and eyes wide open. With nothing but patience, understanding and acceptance for ourselves and for one another. We’d let go of what people think because we’d know that vulnerability is courage and that it’s contagious. We could live in a world that we design. ;)

As you think about your arenas and the kind of person you want to be, think about your arena anthem and please come share with me when you find one!

I’ve never attempted two half marathons so closely together before, but after asking for your thoughts on my IG story, you convinced me I could do it. I just need to “keep my miles up after the first race while allowing for adequate recovery time,” said too many people to name. (Thank you!)

I’m so excited to be training again. I’m no expert, but I come from a family of runners and race winners and while that used to feel like “too much to live up to” (recovering perfectionist here) I’m happy to get back into a training routine, knowing I’m doing it on my terms, no shame tape driving this plan or fears of inadequacy making me compete with anyone other than myself.

My goal for the first race is to HAVE FUN and finish.

My goal for the second race is to beat my time in the first race, enjoy the course and speak kindly to myself regardless of the outcome.

Since it’s been so long, and since my body has changed so much these past 7 years, I had to ask my marathon-winning, elite-runner sister (Stefanie) to review my plan before I committed to it. She recommended a few things you may find helpful when making your own training plan:

Plan for at least 3-4 running days per week, 1 of which is your weekly long run;

The miles you put into training are not just for your body, they’ll help train your mind for the distance, too;

Taper 1-2 weeks leading up to the race—you want your legs to feel fresh, not sore;

Don’t do your longest run the Saturday before the race;

Give yourself some extra rest days the week after your race;

No matter how your training goes, don’t get discouraged. Set goals, do your best, but then roll with it. Life happens and some days you will have to make decisions that are better for your family and your health, even if they aren’t ideal for your training.

I am SO lucky and grateful to have her. She really is a legend.

After we spoke, I decided on a Plan A and Plan B for my two races. Plan B basically allows for an additional rest day if Plan A starts to feel too intense. I’ll likely find myself somewhere in the middle of both.

I’m really loving OrangeTheory, so I’m incorporating my 2 classes per week into my plan as cross training days, even though I do always run an average of 1-2 miles on the treadmill each class. I’m hoping to work in some weight lifting beyond what I do at OTF, but only as it makes sense. I’m mostly nervous about increasing my weekly long runs. Those are the days that will probably test me the most. But I have completed 4 half marathons and BIRTHED A CHILD FOR 4 HOURS so I feel pretty confident when I put it in perspective like that. :) #icandohardthings

Without further ado…

Have you run a half marathon before? Are you training for one or thinking about signing up?

Be sure to follow along on Instagram and IG stories for the most up-to-date posts about how my training is going. I can promise you I’ll be rolling with it.

]]>https://littlemissfearless.com/half-marathon-training-plan/feed/10Cultivating Authenticity: What Does it Mean to be Authentic?https://littlemissfearless.com/cultivating-authenticity-mean-authentic/
https://littlemissfearless.com/cultivating-authenticity-mean-authentic/#commentsMon, 12 Feb 2018 07:47:45 +0000https://littlemissfearless.com/?p=13978

Partway through the movie, a song that’s all about authenticity, titled, “This Is Me,” completely swept me away (really, they all did, but this song in particular lit my soul on fire). Matty leaned over to me during the chorus and said, “This song reminds me of you.”

I am not a stranger to the dark Hide away, they say ‘Cause we don’t want your broken parts I’ve learned to be ashamed of all my scars Run away, they say No one’ll love you as you are

But I won’t let them break me down to dust I know that there’s a place for us For we are glorious

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out I am brave, I am bruised I am who I’m meant to be, this is me Look out ’cause here I come And I’m marching on to the beat I drum I’m not scared to be seen I make no apologies, this is me

Matt saying that made my heart light up even more because I took it as a testament that everything I’ve been working on these past 6 months — finding the courage to let my imperfect, authentic self be seen — has brought me to exactly where I’m supposed to be right now.

And it’s lighting my way as I continue on this vulnerable path to help others find the courage to let their authentic selves be seen, too.

WHAT IS AUTHENTICITY?

If you follow me on Instagram, you know I’m focusing on Authenticity as a theme this month. You’ll see it weaved throughout my blog posts and Instagram posts on fashion, fitness, motherhood and finding yourself.

So let’s start off with the basics. What does it mean to be authentic?

I like this definition, because it forces us to think about our origin. Who are we? What are our deepest beliefs and values? Where did they come from? When did we first develop them? These have to be the foundation of our own authenticity.

Another definition that I’ve shared and love is from the one and only, Brené Brown:Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.

In her book Daring Greatly, she discusses authenticity as one of 10 guideposts for wholehearted living—a way of engaging with our lives from a place of worthiness, of believing we are enough.

In order to cultivate authenticity, we have to let go of what people think.

For most of my life, I feared what people think. To cope, I tried to be perfect. I became an expert people pleaser, fitter-inner, and basically learned how to be “whoever you want me to be” in order to avoid conflict, judgment, blame and shame (aka, feeling unworthy of connection). I wasn’t a total pushover. I knew I was better off avoiding certain social situations where the risk of peer pressure might be high. But I tried desperately to become my vision of “the perfect girl” because I believed it would make everyone love and accept me.

I think I always knew I didn’t have to value others’ opinions more than my own, but it was like being stuck in a heavy suit of armor and not having the tools, knowledge or strength to get myself out of it.

Once I decided that that mindset—and the weight of always trying to control other people’s reactions to me—wasn’t working for me anymore, I got help from someone who could teach me how to start taking the armor off. And I began focusing my intentions around the things that make me who I am—my values, my talents and my passions.

WHAT AUTHENTICITY IS NOT.

We all know that to be authentic, it requires some vulnerability. So it’s imperative to understand what it means to be vulnerable in order to be truly authentic.

Vulnerability defined by Google: susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm.

Both of these definitions make vulnerability sound terrifying, and it is, but Brené also clarifies that while vulnerability is emotional exposure, it’s not the same thing as “letting it all hang out.”

Vulnerability without boundaries, is not vulnerability.

We have to be willing to set our own boundaries to allow for vulnerability and foster connection in our lives.

WHAT AUTHENTICITY MEANS TO ME.

To me, authenticity is about sharing myself and my vulnerabilities with the people I trust and love who have earned the right to hear about them. (This is also one of my boundaries—I share with people I trust).

Authenticity is about working through my shame issues, embracing my imperfections, owning my story and the scars that come with it, and sharing only what I CHOOSE to share with others through my blog when I can do so without apologizing for my imperfections; when I’m coming from a place of authentic self-acceptance. (Another boundary.)

I agree with Patrice over at Women at Heart: When we are in the presence of an authentic person, many of us can even feel it in our bones. We gravitate toward people whom we perceive as honest, real and sincere. We love women who radiate warmth and that “down to earth” feeling. We gather around the people who can “tell it like it is” and laugh at themselves in the process.

Authenticity for me is about living a life aligned to my highest values and letting go of who I thought I was supposed to be in order for others to value me. It’s about being unmistakably known for my values and the things I stand for, and being a light to others when they’re trying to find their own glow.

My core values, which I’ll talk a lot about this year, are:

Family (primarily, motherhood and marriage)

Courage

Authenticity

Faith

Humor.

If you don’t really know yourself, it’s difficult to know if and when you’re being authentic. Later this month, I’ll share an exercise with you to help you identify your top 5 values. This is something I did with my therapist and it’s been a huge foundational element for me. Possibly, the most impactful thing I’ve done as I’ve applied Brené Brown’s work in my daily life.

WHAT DOES AUTHENTICITY MEAN TO YOU?

When you read the lyrics to the song above (or belt it out in your car like me), what do you FEEL?

Can you relate to feeling like “No one’ll love you as you are”? Are you tired of feeling afraid, small and hidden?

This next week, I’m challenging you to put some thought into what authenticity means to you. What kind of person do you want to be? What do you value most? Is your life aligned to those values? If it’s not, you likely know it, and the people closest to you probably know it, too.

Think about what gets in the way for you. What stops you from being the person you know you are capable of being?

And remember, your authentic best self doesn’t come without flaws and imperfections. It’s one whole package. Getting to a place where you can accept those flaws and imperfections is what will allow you to become more authentic.

Stay tuned for more posts about authenticity this month. In the meantime, I’d love to know your thoughts on authenticity, and of course, THE GREATEST SHOWMAN! Please comment below so we can chat it up.

SHOP MY WINTER CAPSULE OUTFIT

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]]>https://littlemissfearless.com/cultivating-authenticity-mean-authentic/feed/4How to Have the Best Galentine’s Day Ever!https://littlemissfearless.com/best-galentines-day-ever/
https://littlemissfearless.com/best-galentines-day-ever/#commentsWed, 07 Feb 2018 22:24:41 +0000https://littlemissfearless.com/?p=13946This is a sponsored post in paid partnership with Carmex.

Here’s the thing. Valentine’s Day can make us feel like we’re supposed to celebrate it a certain way. If you’re married or have a significant other, you’re supposed to dress up and eat a fancy dinner. If you’re single, you’re supposed to get a hot date or celebrate your singlehood with your other single friends who understand. But is that even real life for anyone, or am I just seeing it on Instagram?

What about celebrating the people in our lives who have helped us learn to LOVE OURSELVES?

The people we can be totally goofy with, pretend we fell asleep in a photo with (^ it’s a real thing that we do^), say the wrong things to, embarrass ourselves in front of, and still be ENOUGH. Imperfectly enough.

With all of us in different life stages now, we don’t see each other nearly enough, so we decided to start a “Gal”entine’s Day tradition with one major goal:

RELIVE the memories we’re always talking about. The (craaazy) things we did in high school that will go down in history as some of the best memories ever made. They consisted of a few more girls (who couldn’t make it for the photoshoot) and the following activities…

. . .

1. Piling up in the family van (or whoever’s car was available that night) and cruising around town with mannequin heads from Lynn and Margo’s cosmetology classes.

We highly recommend sticking the mannequin heads out the window when stopped at a stop light just to see the reaction of the people in the car next to you.

It’s worth a try. If they say no, come back at 2AM during your slumber party all-nighter, open your eyes real big and say, “pleeeeease.”

3. Visit the place where we used to country dance — and DANCE — even if we’re the only ones there.

Can you tell what line dance we’re doing? Hint: Shania Twain.

4. Keeping our lips smooth, soft and ready for action!

Whether it’s returning home to smooch on our husbands (Carmex Daily Care® Strawberry lip balm, anyone?), or those of us who are still single hitting it off with the cute guy at the stoplight—who laughed at our mannequin head prank (another real thing that happened in HS)—when we’re together, we’re ready for anything.

Carmex gifted me with an assortment of lip balms to share with my Galentines and we had so much fun trying all the flavors (original, strawberry, fresh cherry, wintergreen, winter mint and tropical colada) aaaand talking about awkward old flames.

My favorite of the Carmex collection is the Carmex Daily Care® Moisturizing Lip Balm (in strawberry or mint) with SPF 15 and I use it daily. I can’t survive our cold Utah winters without it. At night I use the iconic Carmex® Classic Lip Balm in a Jar because the menthol (cooling effect) and camphor (pain relief) help my dry lips recover while I sleep. (You probably recognize this one the most—its signature tingle has been a Carmex staple for more than 80 years!)

However you decide to spend your Valentine’s (or Galentine’s) Day this year, be sure to do things that bring you joy. Reconnect with old friends, reconnect with your significant other, just do me a favor and don’t worry too much about your outfit. Instead, MAKE MEMORIES and enjoy the simplicity of this holiday of love.

SHOP THE POST

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Since starting my capsule wardrobe last fall, I’ve received a ton of questions about what a capsule wardrobe is, how I created a process for narrowing down my closet, how long it takes, etc. I decided to compile them and provide all of the answers in one place to easily reference. So, here are answers to 25 of the most frequently asked questions I’ve received about starting a capsule wardrobe…

1.What IS a capsule wardrobe?

Inspired by the minimalist lifestyle, Who What Wear explains the capsule wardrobe as “a mini wardrobe made up of really versatile pieces that you totally love to wear.” Each season (spring, summer, fall, and winter), you clear your closet except for a set number of pieces to be in your capsule wardrobe.

For most, the golden number is between 30-40 items, but it varies by season.

Your capsule collection is made up of a combination of items you already own and love to wear, as well as new, quality items that you can shop for once a season.

3. When cleaning out your closet, how do you decide what goes and what stays?

I started by noticing the clothes I kept wearing over and over. I have a closet (and spare bedroom closet) full of clothes I’ve collected over the years, but every day, I’d grab the same pair of jeans or leggings and the same handful of sweaters. Read more about how to let go of clothes you don’t wear in this post.

Another key tip I recommend to everyone, is giving the clothes in your “maybe / I just can’t decide yet” bin a second chance. So as you create your capsule for the season, you’re trying to incorporate the clothes you can’t seem to let go of to ensure they’re actually versatile and LOVED enough to keep in your capsule.

4. Do you do laundry more with less clothes or worry they’ll get worn out faster?

I don’t do laundry more often (and that’s coming from a toddler mom) because my capsule wardrobe has about 5 pairs of pants that I cycle through. And on days when I work from home, I often stay in my workout clothes, so the only difference I’ve seen is that when I work out more, I do laundry more frequently.

I do not count outerwear, bags or accessories/jewelry as part of my capsule, although, I have narrowed down all of my bags, coats, Hunter boots and jewelry to include only things I wear. (Be sure to sign up for my newsletter to be among the first to know when my clothes are available to shop on eBay!)

The items that were lower quality, worn or not re-sellable, I donated. Everything else that is name-brand and lightly worn will be sold on eBay. Sign up for my newsletter to be notified when they’re available to shop!

9. Do you sell something old if you buy something new?

Yes. I think this is a great approach. It forces us to be intentional about our decisions. And if you sell the old thing first, you can use the money to buy the new thing!

10. How did you choose jewelry and handbags?

Handbags were fairly easy for me. I kept only the bags that I actually wear out. Believe it or not, I had bags that I ONLY wore in blog posts, so those will go because they’re no longer part of my style. I’m in the process of narrowing down jewelry as well. I have a lot of statement necklaces I never wear so they’ll be the first to go.

11. Where can I find the items in your capsule wardrobe?

My fall capsule is shoppable in this blog post and via my Instagram. I’m still in the process of narrowing down my winter capsule, so you can expect a blog post soon on what items made the cut.

12. Have you read the Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up?

I have read it. But decided to go about my purging process in a way that worked for me. I basically piled all of my clothes in my closet on my bed, set my 6 bins out, turned on some music and started sorting by season, a “maybe” bin, and a “definite no” pile.

13. Where do I begin? How do I start?

Start by taking a week or two to notice what you wear the most. Observe your daily routine. Are you working? Are you a stay-at-home mom? Are you mostly at the gym or running errands? How does your lifestyle influence what you wear?

If you need some inspiration, browse your favorite online clothing store and save the images of outfits and clothes you like that are similar to things in your closet, or that inspire you to wear something in more than one way. I loove doing this every season to influence what I decide to keep.

14. Where do you keep your clothes that are not in your current capsule?

I keep the previous capsule’s bin on the floor of my closet. For example, my winter capsule is hanging right now, so my fall capsule bin is on the floor beneath it.

One of the best ways to freshen up your current capsule (if you get bored of it) is to borrow items from your other seasons. Purchasing something new is a last resort, but of course, this is your life so do what works for you.

15. What if you have a shirt you like to wear all year?

Count it as part of each season’s capsule. I did this with several items from my fall capsule that I wanted to continue wearing in the winter. You can either feel good about the fact that you’ll have fewer items in your overall capsule collection this way, or you can make up for it by adding an additional item to the capsule(s) you’re carrying it over to.

16. How did you start going through your closet and how long did it take?

See my answer to question 3 and then read my post on how to get rid of clothes you never wear. It took me a couple weeks of thinking about it and noticing patterns in what I repeatedly wear, and then one night (3-4 hours) of sorting and putting everything into bins.

I still have a few things I’m going through, like workout clothes and special occasion wear. I’m planning to create mini capsules for those since I need dresses and skirts for church and special occasions, but not in my everyday capsule wardrobe.

17. How do you find quality but affordable capsule items?

One of my favorite affordable places to get tops and sweaters for my capsule is H&M. I also love ASOS, Old Navy and occassionally J.Crew Factory.

Since my closet was full of brand-name clothes I collected during my early fashion blogging years, I had an easier start on quality items that are pricier, but that I had already paid for. I do also love affordable brands like BP at Nordstrom, and will continue to share ideas with you in future blog posts.

18. How often do you shop for new things now? How do you fight the urge to shop?

I try to limit my shopping to 5 items per season, however, I also sold a few things on Instagram stories and used that money toward some of my new fall items. All of my spring clothes are still sitting in a bin right now and haven’t been narrowed down yet to create my 40-item spring capsule. So once I get to that, I’ll likely purchase a few new things and maybe carry over some sweaters from my fall capsule as well.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, remember when you feel overwhelmed by the process that you don’t have to figure out and finalize ALL of your seasonal capsules at once. You need to allow yourself time to wear some of the items you’ve kept to ensure you’ll really keep wearing them. So just focus on one season at a time, starting with the one you’re currently in.

I used to shop A LOT. So watching all of my purchases go unused in my closet (other than styling for blog posts) started to make me feel sick. I avoid the temptation now by simply being honest with myself. For example, when I see someone wearing something really cute, I pause and ask myself, would I REALLY wear that, though? If not, I still admire how cute it is on that person, but remember that I feel cute in other things. I also don’t browse online as much, other than to see different ways for wearing a striped shirt, for example. :)

19. How did you figure out your process for creating a capsule wardrobe?

It really started with some self-work I was doing with my therapist, identifying my core values and the lifestyle change I wanted to make. Once I had committed to doing it, then I started enjoying the process of saving outfit inspiration from my favorite stores, like Madewell, and sorting through my closet by season just made so much sense to me. Read more about my guideposts for creating a capsule wardrobe.

20. Do you feel limited with a capsule? What if you love lots of items in your closet?

I don’t feel limited because the capsule wardrobe was just another aspect of some lifestyle changes I was already making. The way I see it, you should make the capsule wardrobe WORK FOR YOU. So if that means you have 50 items in your capsule wardrobe because you love all of your shoes, then create a 50-item capsule wardrobe! This doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It’s all about your goals and intentions, and if you wear (and LOVE) all 50 items, more power to ya. Whatever you do, do it and OWN it.

21. How many items are in your capsule?

My fall capsule had about 42 items. I’m still wearing some of my old sweaters and determining what to keep in my winter capsule, but I’m wearing all the same pants from fall. So I won’t hesitate to have a few additional tops for winter, if needed.

22. Do you keep any items that aren’t neutral, striped or basic?

My fall capsule was pretty neutral and “basic” I guess, but I seriously loved everything in it. And that’s all that matters to me. If you want to mix yours up with a few loud prints or bright florals, DO IT. Remember, all that matters is that you wear them and love them. It won’t kill you to have a couple items that don’t mix and match as well as others.

23. Do you do a warm or cold capsule, or all four seasons?

I do a capsule for each of the four seasons. But I’m also creating a workout capsule, special occasion capsule (see my answer to question 16), maternity capsule and even a home capsule. I’ve also heard of people doing toy capsules with their kids to simplify all the “stuff.”

24. How many pants and skirts are in your capsule?

I NEVER wear skirts anymore, except in the spring and mostly summer. I do wear skirts and dresses to church, weddings and special events, so I’m in the process of creating a mini “special occasion capsule” for that (more to come). My fall capsule had 5 pairs of jeans (black, blue, distressed and not distressed) and 1 pair of leggings. I also had my denim overalls in my fall capsule and will likely make them part of my spring capsule, too.

25. How do you let go of items that you have too many of but that are each unique?

I would go with the ones that are the most versatile and can be worn with the MOST combinations of outfits. You could also consider spreading them out across each season so you can keep most of them. Just make sure you actually wear them all.

That’s a wrap! Did I miss something? Ask away in the comments.

You may also love learning about capsule wardrobes from these lovely ladies: