The B.A.D. Bloghttp://www.ninjabetic.com/thebadblog/Fri, 30 Jan 2015 15:00:38 +0000en-USSquarespace V5 Site Server v5.13.281 (http://www.squarespace.com)Toenail TotemGeorge SimmonsFri, 30 Jan 2015 15:00:38 +0000http://www.ninjabetic.com/thebadblog/2015/1/30/toenail-totem.html460557:5187266:35206131“George we are going to help you up, do you think you can stand?”

“yeah, I think so.” I looked at this strangers face and noticed there were 4 other people in my room. Radios kept coming on which made me believe these must be paramedics.

“Okay, we are just going to walk you outside okay?”

“okay.” Nothing hurts. I can walk okay? Did I have a stroke? Did I have a heart attack? Is this a dream? This has to be a dream.

“Watch your step down and can you sit on the gurney?”

“yeah.” The red lights flickered all around my front door and at that moment I saw my children standing beyond the doorway looking out at me. They looked scared, tired, worried, helpless. This has to be a dream.

“Just swing your legs up and slide to the middle”

“Where is my wife?” As soon as I said it I heard her familiar voice.

“I’m here, I’m right here.”

“What happened?” As soon as I said it I could not wait for an answer. I couldn’t hold anything back. My sobbing drowned out what she said.

When I was in the back of the ambulance I heard my wife talking to the driver so I knew she was upfront. The paramedic in the back started asking me my name, my birthday, and how long I had diabetes.

For fear of a stroke or to prove to myself I was awake I spouted off every single fact I could pull out of my head. “George Scott Simmons. Born on March 23rd 1973 in Hollywood California. It was Friday. I have had type 1 diabetes for 23 years. I was diagnosed on October 2nd 1990. It was a Monday.”

They must have thought I was crazy.

“So why are your toenails blue?”

This was when I was sure I was awake. Like a totem from the movie Inception, those blue toenails were nothing I would ever dream up so I knew for sure this was real life.

“My nieces were painting their toenails over the weekend and I thought, what the heck. Go for it!”

That was when the paramedic started to tell me that I had a really bad low blood sugar that I could not come back from. That was when I noticed I had an IV in my arm and 3 Band-Aid’s on different fingers.

When we got to the hospital my wife started to explain the entire situation piece by piece to the doctor. It turns out she knew I was having a lot because I threw all of the covers off of myself and started to moan. She woke up and saw my sweating profusely. She came to my side of the bed, grabbed my machine, and had me sit up. She put a strip in my Verio meter and grabbed my hand to prick my finger. When she did blood streamed down my hand on a river of sweat.

She grabbed a hand towel and dried my hand and arm off. She squeezed the same finger and as soon as a drop of blood appeared it found a new river of sweat to travel down. She has never seen me sweat so bad and neither have I.

Finally she was able to check my bg. It was 37.

She grabbed a Level glucose gel and tore it open. She put it in my mouth and started to squeeze the gel into my mouth. She said I bit the end in my mouth and wouldn’t let any gel in. Not in a argumentative way but rather like I had no idea what I was doing.

She flicked my mouth and I opened up. She squeezed the whole thing in and when to get my daughter up to help. I swallowed the gel and lied back down.

My wife got my daughter up and asked her to make some waffles for me to eat. It was 4 in the morning and we usually add some waffles for some more carbs to last me through the morning. She popped in a couple of Eggo’s and my wife came back to check on me.

I was still sweating and out of it. She opened up another Level and squirted it into my mouth. She said I did not swallow it. I just left it in my mouth so she had to keep telling me to swallow it. Finally I did and just then my daughter came in with the waffles.

My wife put a piece of waffle on a fork and stuffed it into my mouth. She said I just sat there with the waffle in my mouth. Not chewing or reacting at all. Like I forgot what to do.

She grabbed another Level, took the waffle out, and squirted it in. Apparently I started leaning forward as if I was going to fall over. My wife got scared and told my daughter to wake my son up to help.

A ramekin full of regular syrup and about 8oz of regular soda were brought in by my son and daughter. My daughter put a straw in the soda to make it easier to drink. My wife said I looked at the straw, took it out of the glass, and stuck it on my finger to try and get blood out for another bg test. She said I kept squeezing my finger to try and get blood out even though she kept reassuring me she already got the drop she needed.

I drank the soda and swallowed down the syrup.

Still I was completely out of it. I could not talk and my family could tell I was not “there.” My wife grabbed the Glucagon shot and instantly was overwhelmed by the instructions. My son stood right in front of my wife’s face and said, “we need to call 911 mom.”

When the ambulance got there they came into my room, put an IV in my arm and checked my blood sugar.

The machine read 34. This was 40 minutes after this all started.

My son remembers them putting a bag of fluid in me via the IV and when it was done they started to stand me up. This marked the very beginning of my memory.

That is what scares me most. I remember nothing before when I started this post. Not a glimpse or flash of the story I heard my wife tell the ER doctor. None of it.

I kept waiting for a fog to lift like a night of too much alcohol. As soon as you hear the story flashes of memories start to trickle in. But this was and is so different.

I have nothing.

So we stayed in the ER until about noon on Sunday after my bg was stable. The nurse asked me why my toenails were painted blue. I told her the paramedics must have done it on the drive over.

My kids had followed the ambulance in my car and they stayed with me all morning. When we all got home we all passed out on the couch. Exhausted and drained we slept until 5pm.

I have never in my 23 years of diabetes had a low like that. I have had bad lows that take forever to come up. I have had some where I couldn’t walk or talk but I remember them. Even though they felt like a dream I remember what happened. But this was crazy.

Have you ever had a low like this? I cannot understand what made it so different. I have seen 34 on a machine before and been totally aware of what was going on.

More than anything I feel so bad for putting my family through all of this. It is not fair.

I have had 3 different insulin pumps, 2 CGM's, several different doctors, thousands of tweets during DSMA, 1 trip to the Friends for Life conference in Orlando, found and met my soul brother, discovered a community I cannot live without, had a kid graduate from high school, saw my wife acheive her master's degree, kept the same job, moved 3 times, got a cat, had 2 stents put into my heart, celebrated 2 new nieces and 2 new nephews, recorded an original song, and celebrated my 40th birthday.

]]>http://www.ninjabetic.com/thebadblog/rss-comments-entry-35185517.xmlNew Year PostGeorge SimmonsThu, 08 Jan 2015 19:41:37 +0000http://www.ninjabetic.com/thebadblog/2015/1/8/new-year-post.html460557:5187266:35178078The holidays were spent in a cough syrup fog and breathing treatment haze. Not the way I normally I like to spend the end of the year but so be it.

As I look ahead to 2015, I am hoping my involvement in the DOC will reach back to the level it used to be. Seminars, chats, blog posting, blog reading, and just being around was such a joy for me. Plus it kept me focused on my health so much more than I am without the DOC.

I can probably find 100 posts that sound exactly like this one. Promises to be more involved, to remember every day how much this community means to me. Wishing to travel to conferences and meet up with my online friends. I write a post like this often.

For me this is like quitting smoking. I must have quit smoking 50 times before I finally actually quit. Sometimes it takes talking yourself into something over and over before you actually pull it off.

Once my pastor said in a sermon, "everyone is a hypocrite when they are trying to change their lives. The key is to not focus on it and to rather continue on until you have become that changed person." I think about this a lot.

So often I am critical of everything I do and everything I want to become. I have to remember that the stress of life like family, work, money, and diabetes can take its toll. Sometimes just saying we want to change can be the beginning of the change we need to make.

That is where I am once again. This time may be the one that does it!

]]>http://www.ninjabetic.com/thebadblog/rss-comments-entry-35178078.xmlAll At OnceGeorge SimmonsThu, 11 Dec 2014 17:37:34 +0000http://www.ninjabetic.com/thebadblog/2014/12/11/all-at-once.html460557:5187266:35145698Over the last two week I missed lots of doctor's appointments.

Podiatrist.

Opthamologist.

Cardiologist.

Diabetesologist (my diabetes doctor is not an endo).

With the holiday and work being nutso, I had to cancel them all. It's tough to ask for all the time off for doctors appointments when you have to see so many.

No one else in the office has medical needs like I do and it's almost embarassing to say "I have to go to the doctors." AGAIN!?

I wish I could take a day off and see them all but there is no way to coordinate a day like this since my doctors are all over town! Ultimately I know I have to get in to see them all. And all for very important reasons.

Having neuropathy in my feet makes the Podiatrist appointment a high priority. I have my wife look at my feet every night but there are some issues with the bottoms of my feet and bone structure that we are keeping an eye on.

After the heart issue a few years back, seeing the Cardiologist is a high priority. I need to follow up and see when we need to schedule another stress test and EKG. Dad died of a heart attack at 42 and since that age is coming up for me in a few months, I am wee bit concerned. History repeats and genes and all that jazz.

Mine eyes have seen dialation only several months ago, but my optho saw a minor bleed she had not seen before, so she told to come back real soon to see if its bled more, this is high priority! (that didn't end as strong as I had hoped)

After getting an A1C at a terribly high number, and FINALLY getting a Dexcom sensor in me (thank you Sara!) I need to get in to see my doc. I also showed a high level of cortisol which my doctor is concerned about. He actually wants me to repeat he cortisol test again to be sure there is an issue. It may explain my insulin resistance. This is a high priority.

So what do you do? I have to work. I have to have a job. I cannot take a ton of time off. When these all are hitting at the same time I give up and cancel them all. It's too stressful thinking about it all.

I think today I will call one at a time and schedule them out at least a week apart. I have to have room to breathe. Diabetes and caring for it can be so exhausting.

Regrouping and coming up with a plan helps me to not get stressed out too much.

No stress is a high priority!

]]>http://www.ninjabetic.com/thebadblog/rss-comments-entry-35145698.xmlPlanning The TripGeorge SimmonsWed, 10 Dec 2014 16:37:09 +0000http://www.ninjabetic.com/thebadblog/2014/12/10/planning-the-trip.html460557:5187266:35143866I don't know if I can pull it off but the very first step has been taken.

This year it feels like I need the conference more than ever. I need that community, that feeling of being normal, the friends for life that I need hugs from.

Lately I have been in a funk, a serious funk. I need to refocus, refresh, and reconnect. Just writing this post makes me feel better. It's funny how that works and yet I have stayed pretty silent online. What is the deal?

This is the funk I am talking about and what I hope to remedy in a big old bowl of DOC love in Florida.

Will I see you there?

]]>http://www.ninjabetic.com/thebadblog/rss-comments-entry-35143866.xmlStrolling to VegasGeorge SimmonsMon, 20 Oct 2014 21:07:05 +0000http://www.ninjabetic.com/thebadblog/2014/10/20/strolling-to-vegas.html460557:5187266:35070744Quick game! Of the following three statements, only one is an absolute fact.

1. Las Vegas is about 250 miles away from me.

2. Diabetes can be cured by eating cinnamon and cupcakes.

3. Bacon is delicious.

Ok, I guess Las Vegas actually is about 250 miles from me so there are, in fact, two facts. Sorry ;)

Well, this year I cannot be there because I will be speaking on a panel at Diabetes Sisters. Bummer.

So I am going to be virtually walking to Vegas this week in hopes to "make it there" with your help!

My goal is $1 per mile or for those of you paying attention $250! I really wish I could be there to actually walk but this virtual walk allows me to help a great cause like the JDRF and participate in a great event like Diabetes Sisters.

So what do you say? Can you get me a few miles closer to Vegas? Every mile counts!

THANKS A HEAP!

]]>http://www.ninjabetic.com/thebadblog/rss-comments-entry-35070744.xmlNew SwingGeorge SimmonsFri, 10 Oct 2014 14:47:07 +0000http://www.ninjabetic.com/thebadblog/2014/10/10/new-swing.html460557:5187266:35056190I just realized I missed my diaversary of 24 years on October 2nd. I also totally forgot about No D Day. There was also my 8 year anniversary of being smoke free that I missed in August.

Gone are the days when I would come home from work and be ready to write a post or read about my friends in the DOC. When I would spend hours on Twitter and Facebook learning, connecting, and supporting.

My life has become so busy that when I do get free time I just want to sit and not think about anything.

And with that you know what also suffers…

My bg’s have been all over the place when I actually check them. I have been waking up below 60 for months. Months.

Haven’t adjusted anything even when I woke below 40 several times. I just don’t care right now.

I recognize that this is a pattern, a process I go through now and then and it looks like I am on the tail end of another cycle. My need to write and share as well as catch up with others is really digging its way into my head.

DSMA Live is still something I am apart of but rarely seem to make it to a broadcast. My day job makes it difficult to be available at 6PM sometimes. But last night I was on just a few minutes after it started and I sat there the entire time with nothing to say. Nothing. I just listening to my co-hosts handle the show as I sat there speechless. I did nothing.

That made me feel like such a loser. A few years ago I would have given up a lot of things to be an advocate and participate in something like DSMA Live and now I feel totally inadequate.

Of course you can tell that this is all me doing this to myself. I see that. I get it. So how do I get over it? I think I just try to find my footing and continue on and see what happens. Who knows?

My life has always been an open book in hopes that others will learn or connect with what I have gone through to maybe help them on their way. This is no different. This is why I am writing this. This is why I am telling you how I feel. Not to be fixed but to let you know that I am okay. The focus of my life changed both by my own hand and by the needs of my employer. After you have focused on one thing for so long it is hard to get back into the old swing of things.

Maybe that is it. Maybe I need a new swing?

Anyhow, the main concern for me, as it should be, is the lack of care when it comes to my health. I have to get back into caring about my health. I have to. I have to.

“Have to” makes it sound like such a chore. Can I say, “I get to take care of myself?” Does “get to” make a “have to” a privilege? I don’t think I can repackage “taking care of myself” as a privilege. But there is something to that idea I think??? I will have to explore that thought.

From as far back as I can remember music has been a part of my life. Either listening to records in my living room with my entire family or singing songs around a campfire. Music has always been and always will be a part of my life.

I love to sing.

Going back to listening to those records as a kid lead me to sing along with every song I could! My sisters and I would “perform” albums as they played on the record player. The Grease Soundtrack, Earth Wind and Fire’s greatest hits volume 1, The Sound of Music, and stacks of 45’s were the first songs I learned to love, sing, and perform.

It wasn’t until my sisters where in high school that I found the love for choral music. One Christmas program when the choir sang the “Halleluiah Chorus” from Handel’s Messiah is was did it. The orchestra, the timpani drum, those first sopranos reaching out with their angelic voices to hit notes I never knew possible, all made my heart long to be on stage singing in a choir someday.

But why would I need to sing when so many sing so beautifully? What could I add that would make any difference at all? Listen to that sound! How could I make it any better?

The thing is I probably can’t. My voice may be heard if it were awful but that is not what I want. I would want to blend in and enjoy the sound of all our voices together. Still, why do it? The choir is already a choir and doesn’t need me. Or does it?

What if all those people up there felt the way I did and felt they really didn’t need to sing? There has to be a choir somewhere? Someone has to sing something right? And what is the number of people required to make it all work anyway? And how do I know if just one more voice may make it perfect? Maybe some number that no one knows would take the choir to a place no one ever dreamed!

And what about me? Maybe I should sing because I need to sing? Maybe joining a choir is what I need to become a better singer and a happier person. Maybe I need to sing more than anyone needs to hear me sing?

Sometimes it may feel like only the best singers are heard and that is not the case at all. Maybe some of the mics are close to certain people but there is always a better singer somewhere. The main thing to remember is that every voice matters and if you want to sing then SING! With your whole heart sing but never allow yourself to feel insignificant because you think the choir sounds pretty good already.

The truth is, you may be just the thing the choir needs to take it to the next level.

]]>http://www.ninjabetic.com/thebadblog/rss-comments-entry-35015831.xml"I had a really bad low this morning and I'm going to be late."George SimmonsThu, 14 Aug 2014 21:01:02 +0000http://www.ninjabetic.com/thebadblog/2014/8/14/i-had-a-really-bad-low-this-morning-and-im-going-to-be-late.html460557:5187266:34967086“Why does this even happen?”

“I thought that pump thing took care of that?”

“So what can you do so this doesn’t happen again?"

“Did you call your doctor?”

“Maybe they can change your shot?”

“What did you have for dinner?”

“But you are okay now right?”

"Should you be driving?"

"No sweat. Get right and get here when you can."

For years it was the all the other responses but today, I got the last one. Education works.

]]>http://www.ninjabetic.com/thebadblog/rss-comments-entry-34967086.xmlThe Medtronic 530G Trial - Part 2George SimmonsThu, 24 Jul 2014 18:23:12 +0000http://www.ninjabetic.com/thebadblog/2014/7/24/the-medtronic-530g-trial-part-2.html460557:5187266:34936160Let’s get this out of the way.

Medtronic has let me use one of their new insulin pumps (530G with Enlite), a CGM transmitter, and a Bayer glucometer as a trial. When it’s over I will let them know how I feel, fill out a survey, and be on my merry way. No payment is received (I guess you could count the supplies for said equipment as payment since I didn’t have to buy anything) and every opinion is my own. I am a pretty honest ninja but also not a complete jerk so I will let them know what I think without being too harsh.

As much as I would love to drag this out into a week-long batch of posts I am going to cut to the chase.

So first let me tell you about the pump.

It’s fine. Just fine. Is that good or bad? I dunno. It works. It does its thing. On its own it is pretty much the same pump as my Revel so yeah, it’s fine.

Of course I would love a serious make-over almost more than an upgrade. Software is just not pretty enough for me to get excited about. I wish it looked sleeker or stylishier (made up word alert). And the body of this pump is pretty much the same as the other two pumps I have had so I would say, the pump is fine and that is good!

Now let’s talk about this CGM. I have tried the sensors with my Revel and I did not like them so much. This new sensor is smaller, easier to insert, more accurate, and can stop delivery of insulin if it senses you are low and do not clear an alarm.

Let’s break down those features shall we?

That last sensor hurt every time I inserted it. The gauge of the needle was thick. I would describe it as an upholstery needle to people which was probably a bit of an exaggeration but it didn’t feel like it. Ouch it hurt! It hurts just thinking about it! This sensor has never hurt. Ever. Every insertion for me never hurt. Each time I waited for the pain and I never felt it. Crazy right? So that is a point for the CGM!

The other thing about that metal straw of a needle from before what how difficult the inserter was to use. Really the best way to describe it is “how easy it was to insert anywhere into anything!” It always looked like it was missing a cover or a safety shield or something. The needle was exposed and the feet that rested against your skin were at a 45° angle but it was easy to mess that angle up since the feet were small and I never had a protractor handy to help.

This new sensor was simple to insert after you figured it out. Like multiplying by 11’s. At first it looks scary but once I figured it out it was easy as pie! I really like the inserter after I figured out that the needle goes in when you let go, not when you push the button! So tricky! And if that is some weird magic that keeps it from hurting then so be it! Mark another point for the sensor! Woohoo!

Accuracy for me using the old sensor was nonexistent. My numbers were all over the place. So bad I wondered sometimes if I actually switched pumps with someone or something. Annoying!

The new sensor seemed to be just as accurate as my Dexcom. Now I know this may not be the same for everyone but for me I see about the same swing in numbers. The accuracy is much better from my experience. Could it be better? Of course but this is a huge improvement and as you probably figured out, another point for the CGM!

And now the biggie, the ability for the sensor to tell your pump to stop insulin delivery. This is something I feel really takes this pump to the next level. That first step towards an artificial pancreas! But will it work? Can I trust it? Will it make my wife not as nervous when I am out of town and have an overnight low that she is not around to help me with?

I am here to tell you that it does work, or at least did for me. I had a few really low lows and the pump shut off. Once I slept right through the alarm and woke up to an alarm that had been going off for a while. My pump screen said, “LOW SUSPEND.” I wasn’t shaking and I wasn’t covered in sweat. I felt a little funky but not a terrible low. It worked like it was supposed to!

That first time I woke up seeing those words on my pump screen I thought about all of the people who have been lost to an overnight low. I felt awful for those left with that loss but also felt so thankful that this technology is finally available to us. This is clearly another point once again for the CGM.

That is a lot of positives about the CGM and Pump right? I really am impressed and would suggest people consider it when choosing a pump, that is for sure.

But I have one major frustration and annoyance that I cannot get past.

In all the upgrades and changes to improve the sensor it doesn’t seem anything was changed in the transmitter. Why should that be a big deal? Well, I really had problem with the old system losing signal and because of that transmission hiccup, the sensor would not log anything until you “reconnected” the sensor to the receiver. This happens almost every night. I should say most nights. There was probably 2 nights it didn’t happen.

I am not one who tosses and turns in bed but I do sleep on my side so if the pump falls behind me it will lose signal. I have gone so far as to sleep with the pump in my hands and of course I will let go of it, turn over, and bam it’s disconnected.

My Dexcom can sit on my nightstand next to my head and never lose signal. And when it alarms I hear it well.

The alarm for a lost signal is becoming so annoying I am not even paying attention to any alarms at night. LIKE THE LOW GLUCOSE ONE!! I can clear them in my sleep because I have to clear the signal one so much. It’s like a car alarm that no one reacts to anymore because they hear it often. Not good.

So my big giant problem with this system is the transmitter which is ultimately the CGM, which is what makes this pump stand out, which means once again it is not for me.

Prior to this trial I really hated the sensor. That is not the case. I LOVE the sensor, I like the pump, I hate the transmitter.

It drives me nuts because I see how awesome this system is and how important it is in the advancement of pumping technology. So many people I know love this thing and I want to love it too. I really truly want to but I can’t. It just doesn’t work for me.

So there it is.

If you have had a good experience with the transmitter or have NOT had the issue with it losing signal please let me know. I don’t want people to assume it will be the same for them as it was for me.