Destroying, sometimes called destruction by the British, is the act of breaking things, usually with a baseball bat or some such whimsical, yet painful item, such as a log, an Etch-a-Sketch or an infant.

When you destroy something you must take absolutely NO responsibility for it. I mean, obviously it was meant to break, otherwise that seven story drop would have done nothing. Don't let anyone get on your case about it either. Just tell them: "I'm telling you! Jacob's spine was supposed to break when I punched him and knocked him out of the window!"

There are many reasons to destroy. The most pervasive of these is entertainment, in watching someone’s else’s property catch on fire and burninate (make sure they see this happen). However, not all people are twisted and/or American, so mindless destruction of some guy’s property won’t entertain everyone.

Loosing your demons and giving in to the Dark Side is another reason, as it feels great. This reason is more preferred by Mexicans, and guys who beat their wives. Again, a staggering majority of people haven’t taken on the face of infinite power (an example is pope Benedict), so the Dark Side isn’t for them.

The power reason is always a good one; everyone knows that pain is the only way to motivate people and make them respect you. By destroying select people, you can make the rest love and admire you. (Do not destroy them all, dumbass! Who will lick your boots then?) A more subtle method of this is to destroy on certain people, preferably Jews or Muslims, because then you’ll be heralded as the new Jesus, like Hitler, and no one will try to rip off your face then.

Destroying, sometimes called destruction by the British, is the act of breaking things, usually with a baseball bat or some such whimsical, yet painful item, such as a log, an Etch-a-Sketch or an infant.

When you destroy something you must take absolutely NO responsibility for it. I mean, obviously it was meant to break, otherwise that seven story drop would have done nothing. Don't let anyone get on your case about it either. Just tell them: "I'm telling you! Jacob's spine was supposed to break when I punched him and knocked him out of the window!"

We learn by comparison and copying, like monkeys, so some examples on successful destroyers are necessary. (It wouldn’t normally be necessary, except I’ve read the article on You.)

Adolf Hitler. Brutal tyrant and anti Semite, he is the most famous destroyer by far, and needs no introduction. Edible on Tuesdays.

Grignr the Stupid. Barbarian extraordinaire and brainchild of Jim Thesis, this guy is the right intelligence for you to emulate. Get to it.

George Bush. President of America-Land and idiot, he has led the world into bullying smaller nations with sticks (tied to missiles).

Your Mother. Nominated hussy of the year and second clause, she brought you into the world and lowered the level of beauty substantially. Alas.

Thor. He loves to destroy things people make, the people who make the things, and anything else related to the Quran and Loki. He bears a certain resemblance to a brick wall, although the latter is arguably more destroyable, as the natural reaction of a brick wall is not to bash your head open with a magical hammer the size of a Chinese Edible Grenade (CEG). He enjoys getting hit by random fragments of artillery flak during Gulf wars and operating on four brain cells, give or take a few. He likes to destroy anything that can't destroy him, meaning everything. Batteries not included.

You've got your weapons and you've got your targets. Now, the only thing standing in your path of destruction is one thing: How to destroy. It's not that hard, really. You've probably tried before. And most likely failed. It's not that you're small, weak and fragile (Which you probably are), it's that you don't know how to properly destroy things.

A simple example of destruction is to pick up an infant (or anything on the first list) and start beating your friend's car, or preferably your friend. In fact, it's so simple, you should just go outside and do it right now. I'll give you a minute.

....are you back yet? No? Ok, I'll give you a few more minutes.....

See? Wasn't that fun? Congratulations, you've managed to destroy something! Now that you get the basic idea, you can go out and destroy anything and everyone you please! Now go out there, find a malet, and destroy to your heart's content! You won't regret it!

There's just one thing to remember. Do NOT, under any circumstances, destroy yourself, or let anyone destroy you. If anyone attempts to destroy you, immediately destroy them. Also, if it comes to you having to destroy yourself for trying to destroy yourself, try not to get stuck in a paradox, otherwise your head may asplode.