Lacing up

Running today for the first time in like 7 years it’s hard to believe I ran competitively in college and completed marathons. After working through The Angry Therapist book “A No BS Guide to Finding and Living Your Own Truth” it was obvious I needed to get over the mental road block and get back to running. So many questions were answered with a single word: “running.”

I came home from Afghanistan with a messed up foot and ran through the pain for my last season of track. This knucklehead idea led to a collapsed arch and then a mental block of “I can’t run anymore.” Running was my life before that. It was absolutely part of my identity and how I handled stress. Lace up and go run 10–15 miles. By the time I got home I’d worked out so many issues or at least de-stressed from life’s shit. I know not being able to run right after the injury occurred is a big part of what led up to my nervous breakdown and it sucks. I was losing my shit and the sleep deprivation didn’t help any either. Mostly I have never been able to find another outlet like running for my stress and anxiety since I put up that mental block. Lacing up is more of a sanity thing than a lose the jiggle in my wiggle thing (although no lie the love-handles jiggling around made me want to throw up a little).

Stepping off the treadmill after a couch to 5k walk/run workout was humbling. To think 13 years ago I ran a 5k in 16:03 and now I’d be lucky to clear a mile in that time is a knock to the ole’ ego, but fuck my 17 yo self he was in great shape and like 30 lbs lighter. The best part of stepping off that treadmill was the smile on my face. That ear to ear grin I didn’t even realize was there. I felt like Eminem: “I’m back!” I just keep telling myself this over and over again.