It's a hard one.Some believe that perps, out to control, or to have power over someone else, and that may be true with some and may be why young boys get abused.It can be because of lonelyness.

Lonelyness or control or power are feelings.We'er all of the human race and have feelings.

Feelings, when grown-ups, desire to re-produce, the release of the drive, to release sperm. To do this sex thing with someone. With out this sex with someone then we'ed get lonely, the human race would die. The control or power can be this drive we have as human, for someone.

Babys when deprived contact with other humans, die.

When abused too much, we get out of control,ourself's out of it, we loose touch with normal life.

I would want sex as a boy to find out about it and about my sexual ablities, and as I got older, sex wasn't for reproducing, it is for orgasm, intense excitment, without it life get's by, kinda boring after all the excitment, or kinda lonely.

These days sex isn't that exciting, with time as the sun moves from the east to the west, one day at the time, and with professional help, and settling down for me getting married and caring for our kids, like I would like to have been cared for.

I go back and read the old posts from time to time. Sometimes one will have special meaning all of a sudden, like this one. Ursobear had his special site of info . I hope you read that site. There are things there you'd find interesting that have to do with what your saying

This posting today was special. I just psoted messages about love and who I want to be, then I read this message again and it connected. We all want to be happy but I don't want to run people over to get there. I'm done hurting people. I want to be proud of myself. If sex isn;t connected to love then it doesn;t mean anything, then we're just animals, then we're as bad as our abusers.

fmighell,et al (and others)I totally agree, sex is suppostd to be for procreation and also for intimate relationship between two people who love each other (idealy in a married commited relationship). Too many of us have learned to use sex in unhealthy ways (in our case because of sexual abuse and maybe other things).

It got all screwed up in my head. I had been using sex to cover up all the pain, lonelyness, anger, wanting to be accepted or loved my someone or simply because I was damn horny that day and wanted to get my fix.

I got to the point that I really didn't care who It was with, porn, women, self and eventually men (not kids)thank God. I didn't think about who I was hurting, or if it was not safe for me I didn't care.

It became an obsession. It coused me to do the most stupid and dangerous things, then after I was done I would think, how could I have done that.

Im married I really do love my wife and my kids but I was out of control. I was going nuts and even thought about killing myself. I know it isn't easy for any of us to deal with this crap, but I am starting to learn how to love myself enough to go to groups or thearapists, or whatever it takes to get control of my impuses, and I am doing well now.

I am Not perfect, and never will be, I still masturbate once in a will but not like a mad man like before. Maybe once a month or even less. My thearapyst says that's ok if Im ok with it, and I am (I could be doing a hell of alot worse things). I've also learned that I need to be honest with myself and others and not live this secret double life, that was misserable and the pits.

What do any of us know about sex and love together? People did things to us that had nothing to do with love, it was power and control. Most of us probably thought our abuser loved us but they didn;t. But when it happened to us we put sex and love together, plus pain and shame and everything else. How many of us ended up being obsessed with sex? Now I;m seeing something else, that the only woman that I loved and had sex with was Kimmie. I had sex with other women but I didn't love them, I know that now. So now I'm wondering if I felt so much pain and shame with Kimmie because of my past abuse? Is that another reason that I cheated on her, because I didn;t feel that shame with other women because I didn't love them? I got obsessed with sex and had sex with other women but it was ok to me then because I didn;t feel that deeply and didn;t feel that pain and shame that I thought of with the abuse, too, but since I love Kimmie that stirred up all of the feelings of the abuse. Does this make sense to anyone else? That's what;s so great about this place, that I can read things over and over and find out new things and get to thinking about them at my own pace.

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