Hillary Clinton accepts the Democratic presidential nomination. Clinton’s fierce ambition combined with her perceived lack of warmth is held against her where the same traits would be regarded as a strength for men.
Photograph: Timothy A. Clary/AFP/Getty Images

Last month a study from Pew Research Centre found a stark difference of opinion between women and men about whether or not sexism still exists. Where 63% of women believe that there continue to be major obstacles for women to get ahead, only 41% of men feel similarly.

Which is, let’s face it, part of the problem.

But it does beg the question as to why the divide between the genders exists.

It begins with the normalisation of sexism that’s made it so transparent in our everyday lives that we often fail to recognise it. When I was growing up in rural Victoria, my dad, a dairy farmer, would sometimes whistle at young women as we drove through our local town. He meant nothing sinister. I’m quite sure he thought he was paying them a compliment. Perhaps they did also. But not only do we fail to recognise latent sexism in the people around us, we’re often unaware of our own. Studies have found that it’s not just men who have implicit bias against women; women can also hold unconscious bias toward their own gender.

I’ve lost count of the times I have been asked “How do you do it all?” in reference to the work that I do that requires a lot of international travel while also being mother to four teenagers. My husband has never been asked. Not once.

Many women share similar experiences of having their actions judged by a different yardstick than their male colleagues. I once had a client who, when she asked why she was passed over for a leadership role she felt she’d earned, was told she was “a little too nice for such a tough job”. Yet women are often damned if they do conform to gender stereotypes and damned if they don’t. If they show assertiveness, they’re more likely to be perceived as bossy or bitchy. If they seek to lead by consensus, they’re more likely to be labelled weak and lacking leadership. Hillary Clinton is a case in point. Like or loathe her, Clinton’s fierce ambition combined with her perceived lack of warmth is held against her where the same traits would be regarded as a strength for men.

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Given the pervasiveness of everyday sexism, there is clearly much to be done to arrive at the day where gender is a non-issue in how we parent, speak, lead and pursue our ambitions. Until then, those who recognise the chasm that needs to be closed to reach gender equality must actively speak up and call out sexism when they see it – both the unintentional, seemingly harmless everyday variety and the more menacing and ill-intentioned type perpetuated by those who feel threatened by strong women.

At a recent talk by the former army chief and Australian of the year, Lieutenant General David Morrison, he spoke about how the Australian army was slower to wake up to the sexism within its ranks than the airforce or navy. He shared the epiphany he had when then sexual discrimination commissioner Liz Broderick asked him why, for the past 100 years, less than 10% of the army had been female. His lack of a good answer woke him up to the sexism in his ranks and took him on a mission to radically change its culture. His call to arms against misogyny and unacceptable behaviour in his YouTube video sent a clear message to all who didn’t respect women to “get out”.

We need more of that. Much more.

We need more people to wake up and see that sexism is still a barrier for women and that each of us has a role to play in removing it. Simply agreeing that women make strong leaders, that gender diverse teams produce stronger results and make better decisions – in business, science, politics, education and beyond – or that gender equality is morally right is not enough. For change to occur, we need an army of men and women committed to confronting sexism where it lives. In our conversations around the coffee machine at work, around the dinner table at home or at the pub on a Friday night.

This isn’t about casting women as victims or making villains of men. It’s about taking personal responsibility for the part we all play, albeit often unintentionally, to perpetuate the status quo and in having the courage to do our bit to change it.