I haven’t written in some time. I’ve been stuck. Yesterday I was gonna write about being stuck and I couldn’t. I’ve shared some articles that I really wanted to expand upon but couldn’t. I’m just gonna ramble and maybe that will break the dam.

Things haven’t been bad – overall. Eh

Work sucks SUCK SUCK SUCKEY SUCKS. In an effort to remove my boss they are creating a hostile work environment for me. Today is my anniversary 11 years – my previous record was 1. Lmao It is the day my vacation gets added. WAHOO I already checked my account.

I have class tonight which I love! It’s really a refresher as I have my degree already but it is making me do it and giving me something to be proud of. I am just not sure I can last here until the end of the program.

New word!!! Fabul-ass It’s when your ass is mighty fine or something is the equivalent.

Speaking of asses. My hair is so long it isn’t at my ass crack, it gets stuck between my cheeks. I am constantly stuck in or laying on it or kneeling on it. Daddy says I can cut it and I’m considering. I don’t know that I will add my purple back in if I do. It would be a good thing to have it out for interviews – if I get to that point.

I am Convinced you can blow a car speaker out with The Fugees Killing Me Softly. Especially if you suspect kid has jacked up your bass settings. I honor my friend when I follow her suggestion to keep singing and your radio cranked when you pull up to stoplights. No hiding!

Talking on the phone is scary, especially with someone for the first time. But when you run away from home and your friend says Call Me you dial and peep out a little “hi”. Blessed for the friendships made.

Oh you caught that thing about running away? Yeah I don’t know if it’s perimenopause but I have been quite irrational in my last few cycles or in general. Idk

Daddy’s note (yep still doing that) said sing so I had my Evanescence playlist going and this song comes up. WTF Spotify! STOP suggesting things and I CANT sing to that – I don’t know the language!!!

It is written about male empaths but it fits me to a T. This is how I feel when Daddy and I hit the slightest speed bump. I feel as if the world has crashed down.

… What happens when the relationship hits a speed bump. When the empathetic partner no longer feels the warmth of the person they love? There is no attachment, no hand holding, no touching, no soft kisses, no “I love you” just for the sake of saying it. It utterly devastates the empath. If the spiritual emotional connection is cut and it was not expected, or not seen….the empath’s world goes dark. Their heart doesn’t beat well, they can’t eat. It’s the emotional equivalent of pulling the plug on a patient who wasn’t ready to die. It’s removing the light from their life and placing them in a dark closet with the boogeyman, without them knowing how they got there…because they were too busy giving and believing (in you) to see it coming. The Empathic man dove right in and didn’t look back, now he is in danger of drowning, of dying in front of the very person whom they love so dearly that they are struggling to breathe, to participate to function and when they do…it’s only on autopilot.

And this is why I run away from home. I cannot bear to be in the same house if things are bad and not being resolved.

If the situation is painful, beyond what he can bear, an empath will leave; he will seek a way out because he is in constant emotional hurt. He is feeling as if each fingernail has a huge wooden sliver jabbed between it and that pain is constant and they feel it in the depths of his heart. He can only take so much of a painful situation before he needs out because if he stays he will die, maybe not physically…but his heart, his center, his most valuable strength will be irreparably harmed. Many of us don’t come back from that damaged heart wasteland.

Given to air alone, the cuts of this world burn. But when we dare to enter what is deep, the bruises we carry soften and glow. In truth, the more we accept our limitations and surrender to the depths below our woundedness, the more the vastness holds us up. There is no way to know this but to dive.

Missing out? But on what? On what other people are doing. They’re having exciting experiences that you’re not. They attended the hottest concert in town and you didn’t. Their kids have been accepted into Ivy League schools and yours weren’t. And the beat goes on, and on, and on.

FOMO is especially strong for those who are hooked on social media. Why? Because they’re constantly aware of what others are doing. Visit Facebook and you’ll view your friends’ faces with ecstatic smiles. Read their posts and you’ll find gushing descriptions of their awesome adventures. Person after person is having the time of their lives. And you? Well, not so much.