We have a “New” Cot!

2.5 Years ago I never imagined I would be so excited to be buying a cot again. 2.5 years ago with the stillbirth of our baby girl I hated the sight of all things baby (or rather the pain they surfaced), and I was done. I had been burned pretty badly, broken, and was left wounded so deeply I wondered how I would survive.

I quickly rid my house of anything baby and was adamant I wouldn’t be risking my heart again.

But then comes that magical thing people ALWAYS refer to – “Time”. And whilst I find it hasn’t healed me in the way I thought, with it’s passing some of the initial fog has lifted, and I found myself wanting to have a 4th child and try again!

And now here we are with her safe in our arms, and loving life in her new cot!

Buying a cot, like buying a crib was a HUGE thing for me this time around. With both Ethan and Megan it was all pretty straight forward and easy – I just had white cots and I loved them. Both were preloved (of course) and as a lot of my furniture is white, it made sense as they felt fresh and I loved how it all looked against the bright colours I choose to adorn my home with.

Naturally, the plan was that Poppy would go into the cot Megs had had, in the same little pink room and she would have bunk beds with Ethan. But then she didn’t come home. Suddenly the cot I once loved tormented me as I walked passed it daily, weekly, and seeing no baby in it. It had to go, it no longer had a place in our lives or in our home and so it ended up on a car boot.

2.5 yrs on my taste has changed a lot, and I enjoy more retro furniture and patterns, and with those darker woods. So whilst scrolling through my shpock app last week I saw this cot bed for £30 and it was just perfect. Perfect for my style, perfect for a new chapter, and perfect for our quickly growing little girl.

When a baby has died in the family and all things baby have left the house, suddenly bringing them all back carry’s with it a whole host of feelings and emotions. It has been a long overdue purchase and one I have been avoiding, but I love that this cot is nothing like the white we once had. I am grateful that with time I have learnt to understand my grief a little more and thus be able to accept these things back into my life. It is lovely to see everyday with her little face poking out. It’s something different for this new stage of life. Something individual and well, I’m quite in love with my little bargainous purchase!

3 Comments

What a powerful post. You sound like you’ve been through an awful experience, but that you’ve found a way to heal a bit. Your little girl is beautiful (and so is the cot, though I’m biased as I’m pretty sure it’s the same as ours!).
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