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A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis only to find a British Fusilier selling regimental ties.

The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"

The soldier replied, "There is no water, the well is dry. Would you like to buy a tie instead? They are only £5.

"The Taliban shouted, "You idiot infidel! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"

"OK," said the soldier, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that, and that I am a much better human being than you. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find our Sergeant's Mess. It has all the ice cold water you need. Inshallah.

"Cursing him, the Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, collapsed with dehydration & gasped ... "They won't let me in without a fucking tie!

#2 I did not fall off my chair laughing, Besoeker. But only just -- and trailing daughter #1 was quite concerned that I wasn't able to breathe... Her exact words, she desires you to know, were "At least when you pass out you'll be able to breathe normally again."