The Most Revealing, Honest Moments from Chelsea Handler’s Speech at the Gloria Awards Last Night

The Gloria Awards gala, held by the Ms. Foundation for Women, was extra special this year, celebrating both the organization’s 40th anniversary, and the 80th birthday of founder Gloria Steinem.Billie Jean King, Suze Orman, Christine Lahti, and Olivia Wilde and Jason Sudeikis were among those at Cipriani on 42nd Street, taking in stirring speeches from Kathy Najimy, Gabourey Sidibe, Amy Schumer, and Chelsea Handler. Handler spoke about becoming self-reliant at an early age, taking chances in show business, Steinem’s elegance, Arianna Huffington’s loquaciousness, and the decision to leave her E! talk show. We bring you the most poignant, honest, and telling moments from her powerful speech.

On her childhood, and absent parents:

“I grew up in New Jersey, and I was the youngest of six kids, and I had a father who was a used-car dealer and a mother who was a Mormon, and they slept a lot, kind of like cats. And they just never planned on having me, and I had five older brothers and sisters that were in college, and they said, ‘Oh, you know, I guess you can raise yourself.’ And they were serious.

“And I started to go through life, and you know, like, I heard kids around the neighborhood talking about nursery school. I said, ‘What’s that? Nursery school sounds cool.’ And I remember charging into my parents’ bedroom, I’m like, ‘What’s everybody’s talking about nursery school? Am I going? Am I going?’ They were, like, ‘No, no.’ Meanwhile, I was still in diapers, because they hadn’t bothered to potty train me. I was five. I’m like, ‘And why am I wearing a diaper?’

“So they said, ‘No, no. Nursery school is not important. We’ll get you started when you have to go to kindergarten.’ And I go, ‘No, I don’t think so. I want to go to nursery school. It sounds very important to me. I could get a big break in nursery school; I don’t know what could happen.’ And my parents were, like, ‘No, just wait for kindergarten,’ because that was in walking distance to my house, so they were, like, ‘At least you can get yourself there, we don’t have to be responsible for you.’ And they were so not participating in my childhood.”

On realizing she had to raise herself, and the worst school lunch possible:

“And I did go to nursery school, I went and found a popup nursery school in my neighborhood, and I registered. I didn’t listen to my parents, because I knew I had to create a life for myself. And it became more and more obvious to me as I grew up a little bit more. You know, they would forget to pack me lunch for school. They never packed me lunch, and I would go to school and everybody had a lunch, and I would want to sit with the cool girls, with the cool lunchboxes, and, I had to get a lunchbox used. And I came home one day, and I said, ‘Mom, you never pack me lunches, like the other girls. Dad, you never drive me to school.’ And my mom said, ‘O.K., I’ll pack you lunch.’ And I went to school that day, and I sat at the cool girls’ table, and I took out my lunch, and I was so excited my parents made it for me, and it was two hardboiled eggs wrapped in tinfoil. It was like the most uncool lunch you could ever imagine in your life. And I looked at these hardboiled eggs, and I tried to maintain my coolness, I said, ‘Oh, this is fine.’ And I went to crack them, and they were raw eggs, and they splattered everywhere.

“And I went home to my parents, and I said, ‘What the fuck is going on here? I am a child, and you guys need to raise me, O.K.? Where was I supposed to cook those eggs? On a skillet that I don’t have? On the blacktop at school?’ And that’s when I just started to think, Oh god, my life is all about being responsible for me. No one is going to take care of me. I want to be beholden to no one. These are the people that—they loved me, but they were just exhausted—if these are the people that are in charge of me, then I want to be in charge of me.”

On realizing that she didn’t want to be somebody’s wife:

“I started my own babysitting company when I was 12. I was babysitting for 14-year-olds, because I was lying about my age. I was giving 14-year-old boys time-outs, meanwhile, I was two years younger than them, and I was just collecting money for my dowry or whatever I was saving up for.

“And I had so much money saved by the time I was 12, because I was, like, Oh gosh, I’ve got to get my own apartment soon. And then, I remember looking through my parents’ financial records, and confronting them and saying, ‘Why isn’t Mom’s name on the deed to this house?’ And my dad said, ‘Where’s the deed?’ I’m like, ‘I just found it, with my birth certificate, and why isn’t Mom’s name on the deed?’ And my mom was like, ‘Oh, never mind, Dad is in charge of all that.’ And I thought, why is he in charge? What if something happens to him, God forbid—it never has. Why isn’t your name on there? And my mom said, ‘Because, I trust him, he’s my husband.’ And she had no idea—and I was 12, and I’m like, that’s not right! Everything could go wrong in a second. Anything could happen, and, you know, in life things do happen. And when I asked my father these questions, and I went down and confronted him, and I said, ‘Why wouldn’t you put Mom’s name on the deed? What does that mean? You’re not even equal partners? What are you saying?’ And he said, ‘Oh, shut up. You ask too many questions. You’re always asking questions. You’re not elegant at all.’

“And I looked at my father, ‘Well, maybe I’m not here to be elegant, O.K.?’ And he goes, ‘Well, you’re not going to make anybody a very good wife.’ And I said, ‘Well, I’m not planning on being anyone’s wife.’ And I wasn’t. And my mom and I talked a lot about children, and she just had this kind, anachronistic idea of what it was like to raise a family. And I just thought, Oh my God, I don’t ever want to have kids—well, I don’t ever want to have a kid—but I don’t ever want to send my daughter to school with two raw eggs. I didn’t want to do that, and I didn’t want to ever not have my name on the deed of the house. How silly it sounds, it was an important kind of notion for me; it was one of those moments.”

On meeting Gloria Steinem—and Arianna Huffington:

“And then 20 years went by from that time, and I had my own TV show, and I’m in L.A. on a beautiful California sunny day, and I walked down to the green room to see my guests for that day, and I got to meet Gloria Steinem. [Audience cheers] And when you meet someone like Gloria, as everyone in this room knows, you can’t believe that she even knows who you are. I couldn’t believe she was at my show. And I looked at her, and I got to speak with her, and I got to interview her. And, you know, she was all by herself, she had no entourage, she told me she had flown coach, something I don’t ever want to do. And I thought, *She’s an elegant woman.*I looked at her, I’m like, That’s elegant. That’s a beautiful, elegant woman.

“And then I met her again at Fortune’s Most Powerful Women conference, this thing they throw, it’s 75 a year, 75 of the most powerful women, every year. It’s like, we get it, O.K.? And I was backstage talking to her and Arianna Huffington. And it was Gloria here, and then Arianna, you know, who’s just like a giant. And they were both talking—well, Arianna was talking, ’cause, you know, that’s all she does. And Gloria was there, and I was looking back at Arianna, and looking at Gloria, and looking at Arianna, and looking at Gloria, and then I looked at Arianna, and I thought, well, Gloria’s really elegant.

“And now, I’ll get to my actual speech. I think it took an elegant woman like Gloria to knock down so many stereotypes, and so many doors, so that some other not-so-elegant women [pointing at herself], walk, or in my case barrel, through those doorways and knock them down a little bit more.”

On leaving her late-night show:

“So a couple months ago I announced that I’m leaving my show. I’ve been on the show for seven or eight years, I said I’m leaving my show, and everyone said, ‘What’s your plan?’ And I said, ‘I don’t have a plan. I don’t know what I’m going to do, I’m just done with this show, I want to move on. I want to exercise my brain a little bit more.’ And people said, ‘You can’t do that. You can’t leave a job in Hollywood, when you have nothing lined up.’ And I said, ‘Yes I can. Watch me. I’m going to do that.’ And I did it. I’m not done yet, I still have a contract, but I’m going to be done. And it’s because of Gloria that women like us have those kinds of options—or any women, not women like us.

“So, I'm going to end with this: my favorite Gloria quote ever is ‘A feminist is anyone who recognizes the equality and full humanity of women and men.’ So it’s not just about women helping women because they’re women, it’s about women helping women, and women helping men, and men helping women. And there’s room for all of us, if you just slide over a little and don’t hog all the spotlight. There’s room for everyone. And sometimes it’s easier to fight for others than it is to fight for yourself. And we all know that, sometimes you can scream loud for someone else, and you can’t even defend yourself. I don’t have that problem, but I know people that do. But I want to say that I’m so proud to be a woman, and I’m so proud and honored to be here tonight, so thank you for including me. And I want to say I hope that we’re all sitting here in 10 years celebrating Gloria’s 90th birthday, so I can come back in 10 years and say, ‘Oh my god, I had to hire all men, they wouldn’t stop bitching it was getting so unfair!’”

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