New iPhone Update Chips Away At Your Anonymity Once Again

Oh, iPhone… Do you remember the days when you could call someone who didn’t have your number in their phone, and you liked the fact that they didn’t know it was you calling them (for whatever reason – you all know what we’re talking about – we’ve all done it.)? Well, those days are over now O-V-E-R.

No longer will a number show up on someone with an iPhone’s call screen and just say “555-555-5555”, but rather, with this newest update, on the screen and under the “mystery” number, Apple’s newest update will “suggest” that “Jim Smith” (or whoever) is, in fact, the owner of the phone number displayed.

But Apple claims it isn’t an invasion of privacy in any way. Blogs and media are, for the most part, lauding this. EVEN THOUGH IT FIGURES OUT WHO IS CALLING YOU BY … ready?… READING YOUR EMAILS.

LOOK! LOOK! JOHNNY APPLESEED IS CALLING YOU!!!!! ISN’T THAT GREAT THAT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I CAN TELL YOU WHO IT IS EVEN THOUGH I PROBABLY SHOULDN’T? I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE YOU KNOW, SO YOU PICK UP SO YOU CAN BUY SOME APPLES. IF I DIND’T TELL YOU, YOU WOULD MISS THE OPPORTUNITY! BUT REALLY, BUY THE APPLES. I’M YOUR FRIEND AND I’M TELLING YOU TO BUY THE APPLES. BUY THEM. BUY THEM NOW!

Apple’s explanation is that this will help people to not miss calls from “friends and family” calling, perhaps, from another friend’s phone or house, or if they have changed their number and didn’t tell you – because that always happens. I know I don’t tell my mom or best friend or fiancé when I change my phone number. I let them just figure it out.

Other features of the new operating system that is slowly leading us into being comfortable living in a constant state of surveillance that people Apple is excited about include a new feature where your phone will get bossy and tell you it’s time to leave NOW if you have an appointment marked in your calendar. Isn’t that great?

YOU’RE STILL IN THE SHOWER?! What, exactly, do you think you’re doing? YOU’RE CLEARLY GOING TO BE LATE IF YOU DON’T LEAVE EXACTLY WHEN I TELL YOU! IT’S 6:08! DO YOU EVEN HAVE A NICE OUTFIT PICKED OUT? IT’S A DATE FOR GOODNESS SAKE! HELLO? Ok, miss your reservation to Evvia. Fine. DON’T LISTEN TO ME. YOUR DRESS IS UGLY.

Apple is making a bunch of changes in iOS 9 that will make your devices much more proactive.

For example, if you insert headphones into your iPhone, your device will now recognize the headphones and pull up a “Now Playing” screen instead of having you pull up your music every time you want to go for a run or hop in the car.

iOS 9 also suggests times you should leave if you don’t want to be late to an event.

But perhaps the coolest feature is suggesting who an unknown caller is on your phone.

Instead of just showing a mysterious number, Apple’s operating system will suggest who the caller might be.

To do this, it scans your email. So if it’s a total stranger calling you who’s never sent you an email, it might not work as well.

Apple says it does this all anonymously, so your data and personal information is never compromised or given to a third party.