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A Luton man has identified the face of a woman he found on a slice of toasted cheese as ‘maybe one of the Spice Girls’ or ‘someone off the telly’, rather than the Virgin Mary, thus turning down the opportunity to sell his story to the tabloids, or create a lucrative website, or transform his small, semi-detached house into a shrine for gullible Catholics. ‘If you hold the bread a certain way’, said Bob Fisher, 48, of Lansbury Road, Luton, who put Red Leicester cheese on a slice of Warburton’s thick-sliced Toastie bread before popping it under the grill, ‘it could even be Rula Lenska’.

Roger Steel, a self-appointed expert on identifying faces in foodstuffs, arrived at the house too late to adjudicate on Mr Fisher’s discovery, as, with the fridge being empty, Mr Fisher had already had the toasted cheese for his tea, garnished with a dollop of ketchup. Both men agreed it had been a quiet news day…