Monday, November 26, 2007

Shortest Memoir Ever

The Early YearsPlunge a knife deep into a new jar of peanut butter. Bring the knife (now thickly loaded) back up and watch as the thick, cloudy oil overflows, runs down the outside of the jar, over your fingers, and into a big greasy lake on the counter. Sigh, clean it up, and spend the rest of the month eating dry, unspreadable peanut butter.

The ResignationDip a knife timidly into a new jar. Stir it around half-heartedly. Spend the rest of month eating peanut butter that starts out runny, and slowly becomes more and more solid, until you get to the bits at the bottom that never come out.

The InnovationGet out a fork. Dip it only an inch into a new jar. Mix the oil thoroughly into just the top of the peanut butter. Once the top inch of peanut butter is uniform, and there's no more streaks of oil, dip the fork in a little deeper and mix that top inch into the peanut butter below it. Once the top half of the jar is uniformly mixed, all danger of overflow is past. Switch over to a knife and stir vigorously until the whole jar is completely mixed. And then spend the month smiling as you make sandwiches.

edited to add:The Final SolutionStart a blog, complain about peanut butter mixing, and wait for a friendly reader to tell you about The Peanut Butter Mixer.

Id like to add an addition to the peanut butter conversation that David taught me. Buy a jar of peanut butter well before the one you are using is empty and store it in your cupboard upside down. Then (if it hasn't been too long that it has totally reversed itself) you are good to stir with a knife, fork or a peanut butter stirrer with much ease. It seems to work quite nicely in the Demmin house.

Id like to add an addition to the peanut butter conversation that David taught me. Buy a jar of peanut butter well before the one you are using is empty and store it in your cupboard upside down. Then (if it hasn't been too long that it has totally reversed itself) you are good to stir with a knife, fork or a peanut butter stirrer with much ease. It seems to work quite nicely in the Demmin house.