my progression through twin mommyhood

So after my last post I actually communicated something along the same lines on another blog I belong to…it’s a super-secret-special blog. Not really but we actually all met online through a website and most of us have met each other over the years (5 years at that!) and it’s a space where we lay it all out there for advice, constructive criticism, congrats whatever! No holds bar. Anyhow, I put it out there and even though we are all in different places in our lives, three of the girls have babies (all three got pregnant with no problems within the last two years), one just graduated from law school and lives the fab life in NYC with her bf, another just got married, one is struggling in her marriage and wants desperately to even start trying to have a baby, another is waiting for her proposal, yet another is planning her fab southern wedding with her new-resident-doctor fiance and last but not least one friend is married but not-quite-ready for the first baby. So we are all in different places and I felt that they might not relate….i.e., not married, no problems getting pregnant, doesn’t even want kids, etc.

Boy was I wrong. This is why I love these girls, they provided me with such great advice. One particularly has a sister that was super high risk due to Type 1 diabetes and went through 2 cycles of IVF and I’m happy to say is about to pop any day now. This wonderful woman wrote me this:

“Don’t feel like you’re cheating of not going to have the same guarantees as you might have – had you created baby “Alan” or “Allannah: Allen from scratch. Who’s to say (minus the catholic church) that this isn’t part of God’s plan too? I told my sister – God created the doctors and nurses and medicine, and programs.. and so on.. he has a hand in this too. I truly believe it. And it may seem weird/abstract and scientific now, but I know that when people find out that they are pregnant, (through IVF) it feels every bit as awesome. One thing I think people over-use and almost abuse is the word “blessed”. And while I don’t think anyone does so intentionally, I think that to some people who at the time are going through personal struggles it causes us to ask “why me God?” On one hand I firmly believe we should always be grateful for what we have and that many times we don’t see the many wonderful things in front of us. Yet on the other hand I know my sister really struggled when ppl would say things (in regards to their own fertility or experiences with becoming pregnant) about “how blessed they were” Was she less blessed? Does God like them better so he gave them better blessings?? Was God saying maybe she shouldn’t be a mom? I know that ultimately everything is up to God. But I don’t think that it’s always at such a small level. If it was why would so many idiots be parents? Sometimes things just “are” and there isn’t a reason (that we see) maybe we look too hard for signs and reasons. I told my sis– “you are blessed. You have money, and insurance and a supportive family, and who’s to say that this isn’t YOUR path, and YOUR blessings.” We don’t know. And it seems like when great things happen we think it’s because we are blessed and we earned them. So when bad things happen we consequently thing that we are bad, and we earned them. Why do we do that to ourselves? We wouldn’t do it to other people? Nobody would say “Lindsey is struggling with ________ because she’s a rotten jerk.” Hopefully not.”

Man it hit home for me. I don’t know if I was feeling guilty or pride full or what but what she said to me was what I needed to hear. So as I mentioned before, we are going to meet the IVF doctors. Specifically, I made an appointment for next Tuesday. I feel I am going into it with an open mind and although it’s not good to get my hopes up…I’m hopeful.