Domestic abuse survivor urges others to get help

Lexi Dailey talks about how her ex-boyfriend, Ruben Garcia, entered her home and killed their 5-month-old daughter, Kairii Dailey and nearly stabbed Lexi to death in January of 2015.
Mike De Sisti

Lexi Dailey, a domestic abuse survivor, is sharing her story to help others. Her ex-boyfriend killed their 5-month-old daughter, Kairii, and nearly stabbed Dailey to death in January 2015. The ex-boyfriend also killed Dailey's godfather, who tried to stop the attack.(Photo: Mike De Sisti / Milwaukee Journal Sentinel)

The way Lexi Dailey tells it, her baby daughter was always trying to grow up too fast.

Five-month-old Kairii grabbed for her bottle so often Dailey had to hide it when preparing a meal and the infant was pulling herself up on the sides of her play mat, trying to walk before she could crawl.

The morning of Jan. 23, 2015, Kairii was in her crib when her father, Dailey’s ex-boyfriend, came to visit.

He demanded to get back together with Dailey. She refused. Then, he stabbed her repeatedly with an unusual, hook-shaped knife with a 9-inch blade and saw teeth. Dailey escaped to the bathroom where she called 911.

When police arrived at the duplex, they found Kairii dead in her crib. Dailey’s godfather also had been stabbed to death, while Dailey and a friend of hers were severely wounded. The ex-boyfriend was arrested at the scene, convicted of homicide and sentenced to life in prison.

Kairii was 5 months old.(Photo: Submitted)

Kairii and Dailey’s godfather, Paul Kucharczyk, were among 48 domestic-violence homicide victims statewide in 2015, according to a recently released report from End Domestic Abuse Wisconsin. In the same year, nine domestic abuse perpetrators committed suicide and one was killed by police as he held a knife to the neck of his estranged wife.

The 2015 numbers are some of the highest on record, and preliminary data from the organization show 47 domestic violence homicides have occurred so far this year in Wisconsin.

Dailey, 21, who was connected to Sojourner in the aftermath of her attack, has been sharing her experience to try to assist others who may be suffering similar abuse, often silently.

“I’m just hoping to help people in some way, even if it’s something small,” she said. “Just getting them to know there’s help is a step forward.”

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Dailey grew up in Milwaukee and got involved with musical performances in the second grade. The rush of being on stage, the family-like atmosphere among cast members and seeing smiles in the audience made her return to the stage at least six more times.

She met Ruben Garcia in high school and the two began dating. He was “perfectly fine” at first, but then things started to change with psychological and emotional abuse, she said.

He persuaded her to move in with him as soon as she graduated and they lived together for two years, Dailey said.

About six months after the move, Garcia began to get physically abusive, she said.

Lexi Dailey, a domestic abuse survivor, points to a scar she has from an attack from her ex-boyfriend, who stabbed her repeatedly and killed their 5-month-old daughter, Kairii, in January 2015.(Photo: Mike De Sisti / Milwaukee Journal Sentinel)

“It started turning into ‘If you tell anyone, I’ll kill you and whoever you tell,’ ” Dailey said.

Several family members, including her grandfather, Patrick Dailey, did not think Garcia was a suitable boyfriend.

“He had to be in control of every facet of her life,” he said

Dailey found out she was six months pregnant in late spring of 2014.

“I was terrified, but at the same time I was like, maybe it’s a good thing. A kid brings happiness to someone’s life, so maybe it’ll help him,” she said.

“And then I just learned very quickly that was not going to happen so I was like yep, I need to leave but I don’t feel safe enough or protected enough to leave,” she continued.

When her godfather agreed to move in with her, Dailey said she felt secure enough to break up with Garcia and kick him out of the house. Kairri was 5 months old by then. Dailey told Garcia if he could prove he had changed, perhaps they could have some sort of relationship for their daughter’s benefit.

A week later, Garcia stopped by to visit their daughter and launched his brutal attack.

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A federal survey shows more than 700,000 women in Wisconsin have experienced domestic abuse — a number higher than the entire population of Milwaukee.

“I don’t think it’s fully apparent that domestic violence exists at epidemic levels in our state and in our society,” said Tony Gibart, public policy and communications coordinator for End Domestic Abuse Wisconsin.

“There’s a domestic violence homicide that happens in Wisconsin almost every week.”

The organization recently partnered with the state Department of Justice and Maryland Network Against Domestic Violence to offer training to law enforcement agencies in nine counties on using a lethality assessment.

The assessment is an 11-question form used by front-line police officers to talk to victims and better gauge which situations are more likely to continue or turn deadly. Agencies in Milwaukee and Dunn counties already had received the training, Gibart said.

Another key is connecting victims to local advocacy resources. Only 4% of women who are killed in intimate partner violence homicides worked with a shelter or hotline in the prior year, Gibart said.

Dailey had not heard of Sojourner before she was seriously injured. An advocate there contacted her almost immediately after the attack and helped her with practical problems, like getting clothes. All of hers were either stained with blood, still in boxes or simply weren’t easily accessible.

Dailey’s advocate, Michelle Coppens, also went to court hearings and did meditation with her. She connected Dailey to an attorney who is helping Dailey change her daughter’s legal last name, a move that likely will set a precedent for other families of crime victims.

The sooner people come forward to report abuse, the better the odds of intervention, said Carmen Pitre, Sojourner’s executive director.

Although many organizations are doing good work to help domestic abuse survivors, there needs to be more coordination especially as Milwaukee continues to see rising violence, Pitre said.

“We need every preacher preaching about this,” she said. “We need to be talking to teenage kids about healthy relationships, warning signs and what does healthy masculinity look like.”

For Dailey, it comes down to interrupting the “cycle of abuse.” She described it like this: A “perfectly happy” relationship develops. Abuse begins and then worsens. The couple breaks up. The abuser claims to have changed. The relationship resumes with a reunion.

“Then it starts all over,” she said.

“As soon as you notice something is up, get out before anything worse happens.”

The Sojourner Family Peace Center in Milwaukee operates a 24-hour hotline at (414) 933-2722. The Milwaukee Women's Center offers a 24-hour crisis line at (414) 671-6140.