Jay Cutler, meet Ashton Kutcher

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Video: Ashton Kutcher wants to help Jay Cutler

Chicago Tribune sports columnist Steve Rosenbloom on how Iowa-born Bears fan, Ashton Kutcher wants to coach Jay Cutler on how to act on the field. (Posted on: April 11, 2013)

Chicago Tribune sports columnist Steve Rosenbloom on how Iowa-born Bears fan, Ashton Kutcher wants to coach Jay Cutler on how to act on the field. (Posted on: April 11, 2013)

You know what I’m talking about when I refer to “Jay face,’’ right? That pouty look that Jay Cutler flashes when things go badly? The one that every director of every televised Bears game has dedicated a camera to?

Yeah, THAT “Jay face,’’ the one that looks like mommy said, “No Toys R Us’’ and the one that looks like it needs to be slapped into acting like an adult.

“I’d love to meet him, talk to him,’’ Kutcher told Esquire. “Because I think he doesn’t do himself any service with his attitude. I don’t think it’s a bad attitude. I just think it’s the way he projects what he’s feeling. I don’t think it’s a matter of him thinking the wrong thing in the absence of the right thing. And I think there’s a way to project it, a certain way, and you know, I would just like to get with him and work. He’s really (bleeping) hard on himself. And I think I get that.’’

Hey, if the Bears hired Marc Trestman to be the quarterback whisperer for Cutler, then why not take up Kutcher on his offer to serve as acting coach for a guy who needs to act like a leader at the most important position on the field?

Sure, it sounds outlandish, and we’re not talking Robert De Niro offering lessons here, which puts this farther into the galaxy of nutty ideas. Some of Kutcher’s most famous roles, starting with his doper persona on “That ‘70s Show,’’ might sucker you into believing he’s a human Rice Krispy Treat --- nice-looking on the outside, nothing substantive inside. Don’t fall for it. It’s apparently not true, as detailed in the Esquire story.

Kutcher is all about new technology and has a history of funneling venture capital into what might be the next great idea. It seems as if Kutcher’s next role as Apple genius Steve Jobs isn’t such a stretch. The act, then, is an act. He’s smarter than he looks, and he appears to be smart enough to know how dumb Cutler looks, even if it’s Cutler at his most honest.

Football wonks are tightly wound. They suffer from world-class paranoia. An acting tutor would be treated like kryptonite. And then Bill Belichick would explore it, and then everyone would do it.

Look, football is a poker game in terms of strategy, so it makes sense that presenting a poker face would help. It certainly couldn’t hurt to eliminate the tells that reflect anger or frustration. Nothing else has worked here with Cutler. Nothing that has met the championship expectations, anyway. And when it has failed, it looks worse because Cutler flashes that pouty face.

Other quarterbacks do it, sure. Peyton Manning and Tom Brady, for example. But they’ve won Super Bowls. They’ve been league MVPs. They’re unquestioned leaders. They own a “Get Out of Jail Free’’ card when it comes to showing anger or frustration.

Cutler doesn’t get that benefit. He shouldn’t. He hasn’t earned it. Gotta win. Cutler’s expressions and body language look bratty. We know he needs to work on his mechanics, so it might figure he also needs help when it comes to the discipline in leadership.

Kutcher might help Cutler look like he’s in control. Players follow that. It’s hard to believe a team would follow a guy whose pouty face screams, “Dude, where my blocking?’’

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