Earlier in the year I agreed to camp with some friends in an RV. Now I am regretting that decision and I want to get out of my obligation without destroying my friendship. I am hoping some others on this board have experienced this and can offer some suggestions on my current thoughts on the matter.

Here are the details:

The RV is 32ft long. While there is sufficient sleeping space for everyone (1 couple, 3 singles), once everyone has a bed setup there will be no dinette or couch sitting space. When I agreed to this it was going to be the 1 couple and 2 singles. Also, the couple has shown in the last few months that regardless of the amount of people around they will have noisy sex. A group of friends got together and despite sharing a living room to sleep in with about 4 other people and having people trying to sleep 3 feet away of them did not make them try to be quiet. Hearing this on occasion wouldn't bother me but I am concerned about it all week. I know another person in the rv is also concerned about this, and while a request has been made to try to be quiet, it was responded to in a manner of that basically isn't going to happen (That people just need to use ear plugs, after which the try and be quiet comment was made, responded to that could only happen if we used gags). Also, the singles are not allowed to use the rv for that purpose. Additionally, I was promised my choice of bed to convince me to join this RV. From a camp meeting yesterday I feel confident guessing someone else wants the bed as far as possible from the noisy sex. Not only am I not good about standing up for myself on these kinds of issues because I don't want drama, but I also can see myself silently resenting this.

Of the 5 people in this RV, 3 are virgins. The one other person besides myself that is not a virgin is also the only other person I know fairly well. It must be admitted that she is a Sparkle Pony.

I do have one other friend that would be tent camping with the group. I am considering if I can get out of the rv convincing her to run away and camp with other friends on the playa. I have actually not tent camped in any of my previous 7 years on the playa, but I doubt I will have any actual problem being in a tent. My first year I slept directly on the ground in a dome. No way a tent could be more difficult to handle than that.

One of my issues is that I suggested a possibility of the tent camper riding down with us in the RV. This was immediately shot down that there was no way 6 people's stuff could fit in the RV for the drive down. Also, SP said that the virgins should get the opportunity to bring anything they could possibly want, which then ensures 1 more person could not fit. For some reason all this really sticks in my craw.

I still have not been told how much the RV actually costs, although one person has already made a payment plan. I have some concern that the reason a this is the total cost of the RV has not been made known because the cost is not actually going to be divided equally. I did request those numbers yesterday and I am waiting to hear what response I get.

I guess my big issues are that the closer we get to the burn the more misgivings and concerns I have but the more I feel obligated to stick with the original plan even though none of it is my idea. I will be volunteering some during the week at the same time as some of the RV people, so regardless of what I end up doing I will be seeing them on the playa. There are no plans to share food, which also means there is likely to be a ridiculous amount of coolers for the RV group. I am fine with not sharing food, will probably save me costs but I am having logistical concerns about it. Also, the SP, while one of the sparkliest, is a truly good friend and I do not want to hurt her feelings even though I do need to take care of myself.

I think a simple explanation on the lines of "this isn't going to work out for me" without added details is best. Yeah, you could hash it all out, but I don't think that will make things any easier--quite the opposite. Maybe "this isn't what I expected", but that may be too much right there. I think that they have shown an unwillingness to work out issues that have been brought up, and that takes the risk that others don't want to be there.

The Lady with a Lamprey

"The powerful are exploiting people, art and ideas, and this leads to us plebes debating how to best ration ice.Man, no wonder they always win....." Lonesomebri

[quote="theCryptofishist"]I think a simple explanation on the lines of "this isn't going to work out for me" without added details is best. Yeah, you could hash it all out, but I don't think that will make things any easier--quite the opposite. Maybe "this isn't what I expected", but that may be too much right there. I think that they have shown an unwillingness to work out issues that have been brought up, and that takes the risk that others don't want to be there.[/quote]

Thanks Fishy! I think you are right, I am probably over-complicating things.

i love how some people turn burning man, a place where you should be LEAVING your comfort zone behind, into a place that MIMICS their comfort zone at home....in fact they go to great lengths to make sure that EVERY POSSIBLE POSSIBILITY is controlled and planned and portioned out as to Maximize their Pleasure, because, you know, its "all about me and MY burn"...

Bitch, Please...

you're a seven year Burner?

figure it out...

like we know you or your friends and even fucking care if you and they can come to some kind of amicable compromise.

sorry for the tough love, but seriously....Just Do it...

in the time you wrote this post (which maybe you were hoping someone would see?) you could have called them and discussed your FEARS and issues...

Sounds like you are going to lose these friends either way. I'd back out now, before money exchanges hands, find a tent and a rideshare, and make the best of it. They changed the arrangement, you should have the right to back out. Just Say No.

AntiM wrote:Sounds like you are going to lose these friends either way. I'd back out now, before money exchanges hands, find a tent and a rideshare, and make the best of it. They changed the arrangement, you should have the right to back out. Just Say No.

100% agreement.

If you choose to stay, you fucked your own Burn by that choice, they didn't do it to you.

It's a camping trip in the desert, not the redemption of the fallen world - Cryptofishist

H.G.Crosby wrote:Simon....you REALLY need to work on your bed-side manner...

ROFL. Simon has no bed side manner, he would need to actually attempt to cultivate one for it to be possible to work on it.. He doesn't even appear to contain sympathy. I would bet he has driven several people from ever using the eplaya and I would also bet that he takes pride in that. It's not hard to see that many of his posts have a malicious nature.

Yes, I realize that a big part of the playa is about pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. I however, still need a safe place and I feel like that should be my camp. I will happily come check many camps that push my comfort zone. The playa is not, imo, about having to do anything at all. I should I have to join the beaver eating contest because it is out of my comfort zone? Should You have to be ok with me forcing my way into your private space because it is out of your comfort zone? I am also waiting to see if anyone had a situation like this and they had a fine time because maybe my misgivings are unfounded and by backing out I am making a more difficult trip for a good friend of mine.

Thanks for all the great input everyone that is not SImon.. In general I have gotten the input I was looking for, although I am open to hearing other people's thoughts if they have any interest in being productive. If you don't feel like being productive, go ahead and and take Simon's route. The only way I can interpret his response is something in the interest of being malicious and creating drama. I find it sad and pathetic that people on these forums need to respond that way. I understand the snark that sometimes happens, but even I can admit to myself that I do not know everything and there are a ton of people that use these forums with more experience and different experiences than myself.

I'm with AntiM, you're on a course to strain if not break the friendship with at least a couple people in the group. Sounds to me like there are all kinds of unrealistic expectations in there, camping together in that vehicle would likely be a recipe for disaster. I think it's better to try and do something about it now in the interests of not only your burn, but theirs (trust me, they don't want to hear complaints and whining all week from an unhappy campmate).

The only real question now is how upset people will get over the decision. Since cost breakdowns haven't been shared yet (which seems incredulous to go this long without having such a big expense nailed down), and the original plan was for a 4-way split it should hopefully not be too much of a hardship for the 4 other RV passengers that will be affected by your decision. And then from there it's just a matter of how bent out of shape people will be over you leaving the RV share (you know your friends better than we do). At worst you're shopping for a new camp while there are still plenty of camps out there taking on new campmates, at best everybody's still campmates. Good luck!

If you stay, however, what do you have to lose by asking for the bed you want? You were promised your choice of bed. If they can't (or won't) keep that promise, you can say "Well then, I'm only paying X amount", or use it as a valid reason to depart.

Secondly, silicone earplugs are a good idea no matter what you end up doing. Tear them in half if you have small ears.

*** 2016 Survival Guide ***"I must've lost it when I was twerking at the trash fence." -- BBadger

maybe ask if you can video tape their sexual antics? Maybe make a buck to offset the cost of going?Perhaps a "live feed" onto a bed sheet hung on the side of the RV? And if they say "no" or are offended, tell them that since their antics almost make you part of the "act", you feel you should get something for it.If still no, you can call them one sided ass hats and back out......

Savannah wrote:Diving scorecards are a welcome addition to any lurid shenanigans one may be forced to witness.

FIGJAM wrote:Better yet a running commintary!

"Does his dick look small to you?"

"She has no rythm!"

"I'd kiss her nipples more!"

ygmir wrote:maybe ask if you can video tape their sexual antics? Maybe make a buck to offset the cost of going?Perhaps a "live feed" onto a bed sheet hung on the side of the RV? And if they say "no" or are offended, tell them that since their antics almost make you part of the "act", you feel you should get something for it.If still no, you can call them one sided ass hats and back out......

so, put these together........what's that game, where you draw something and people guess what it is?well, how about, people watch and listen (live feed out to your shade structure) and people draw what they imagine?

backwards, but picture of two walrus' (walri?) humping would be hilarious!!

Yeah, they have to know that having sex while their friends are trying to sleep would be unacceptable, unless they want an audience. They shouldn't have any trouble finding someone who is willing to enjoy the entertainment. Seriously.

On the other hand, they can certainly agree to make whoopee when you're not around - that's basic room-mate common sense.

Figjam, regardless of if I end up in the RV, and I'm pretty positive at this point I won't be, I will certainly suggest the running commentary to those still participating in that share situation. Also, I have plenty of other friends to camp with, or I can just camp by myself.

I think I will wait a day or two to see what response I get about the actual cost of the RV, then go with AntiM's advice and say this just isn't going to work for me. If I get pushed on the subject at that point, well, then I can possibly be as concerned as I was this morning when I was fretting about everything the most. Hopefully I can continue to give not specific reasons, although money is a reasonable concern and is a factor that I don't mind bringing up.

Also, I do not want to be the whiny person in camp and that has been one of my concerns as well. Where is the line between standing up for yourself and just making everyone else uncomfortable? Personally, I would rather not end up in a situation that means I find that out. I'm glad to know that my feeling I need to trust my gut (Also a reasonable insult towards myself here - I've been going for 7 years and I am not trusting my gut? Seems stupid on my part) has been so supported.

I have also been considering once I am no longer in the RV not attempting to camp with this group at all and going with an excellent on playa excuse of "We just couldn't find the camp. It was a bummer, but we were tired." Since the camp isn't placed, this is a reasonable excuse.

Seriously, the best day at Burning Man is a challenge unto itself, you do not need to worry about where you go to bed at night. I think the maximum sustainable amount of people in an RV is zero. A couple at most. Let alone 4. No way no how. The virgins will get crushed without having a private escape pod. At very least an unshaded burning hot tent to escape too. You need that sometimes.

Camp somewhere else, explain to whoever is really in charge that you know what's going to happen. If they disagree they aren't really your friend. They can find another sucker to go in on their precious Love Shack.