1,500 immaculately turned out guests convened on leafy Bloomsbury to celebrate Britain’s sporting ineptitude, which this year had seen many heavy losses around the world. But in Bedford Square Gardens, being rather poor at kicking the pigskin ball around in balmy countries and allowing Johnny Foreigner to thrash one at lawn tennis was of no concern.

The far more important gentlemanly skills were turned into not-very-competitive sports. Tea Pursuit tested one’s mettle while holding a cup and saucer on a moving bicycle; Ambassador’s Ball involved the tricky manoeuvre of catapulting a Ferrero Rocher into a champagne glass; Golden Handshake put one’s etiquette conventions to the test, in choosing the right water-filled rubber glove to shake, while ten of them flew at one; and Not Playing Tennis proved that we British are better at that than playing tennis.

This photograph, by Stephanie Wolff, shows Beach Volleybowler in full swing.

That incorrigible ukulele-toting, rhyme-popping, bon-mot uttering chap hop superstar, Mr. B the Gentleman Rhymer, composed a special new song for the Chap Olympiad in 2012, “Light the Olympic Pipe”, which he showcased during his live appearance at the Chap Olympiad on Sunday 8th July, during the historic year of the British Summer Olympic Games.

Mr. B has been purveying what he calls “Chap Hop”, essentially a combination of Grandmaster Flash, Noel Coward and George Formby, all delivered in the laconic tones of one also familiar with the works of Stephen Potter, for a number of years, and is just about to release his fifth long playing gramophone recording.

Mr. B also serenaded the Chap on his second album, “I Say!” with the opening track, “All Hail the Chap!” His paean to the Chapolympian spirit is now to be made available to anyone interested in participating in or spectating this year’s Chap Olympics, simply by clicking the song title above.

This year’s Chap Olympics will take place in Bedford Square Gardens, London, on Saturday 12th July 2014. Tickets are available from www.ticketporte.com

Light, Light The Olympic Pipe
Whether you’re a heffer or a grim sick type
Your dignity, may it be redeemed in our field of pleasant dreams
Light, Light The Olympic Pipe
Better you’re a heffer than a thin fit type
Your dignity, may it be redeemed in our field of pleasant dreams!

The winner of the coveted accolade was Mr. Russell Nash. Photos of the event here: www.flickr.com

]]>http://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2013/07/tickets-on-sale-for-chap-olympiad-2013/feed/7Thank You From The Chaphttp://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/07/thank-you-from-the-chap/
http://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/07/thank-you-from-the-chap/#commentsTue, 10 Jul 2012 13:21:36 +0000chapadminhttp://thechapmagazine.co.uk/?p=1794The Chap Olympiad Committee wishes to extend a personal thanks to all the sponsors who made 7th and 8th July this year the spectacular event that it was. Firstly, the new Olympic Pipe, showcased during the opening ceremony on 7th July. This was a collaboration between Northern Briars and E.A. Carey, tobacconists and pipe manufacturers of distinction. The “Chap Olympiad Magnum” weighs over 10.5 ounces and measures ten inches from bowl to mouthpiece. The pipe has a 9mm filtration system (whatever that means – we just lit it and passed it around the contestants until it went out, hours later) and is made from top quality briar.

Secondly, we would like to thank Darcy Clothing in Lewes for the elaborate construction of two pairs of double trousers for Three-Trousered Limbo. These were stitched through the night and took a particularly long time because the original trousers were very high-waisted. Braces buttons also had to be moved to allow for double-Olympian entry. Darcy Clothing also provided the white gloves used by the butlers in Butler Racing, as well as the irons.

Thirdly, we would like to acknowledge the huge contribution of bar snacks and morale made by Tyrrells Potato Crisps, whose well-dressed butlers handed out delicious crisps to the contestants all day long, and who also allowed their products to be part of the most dangerous event of the entire weekend, Shouting at Foreigners.

Without the generous assistance of our sponsors, the Chap Olympiad would have been a trouserless, crispless event where the contestants had to share a Silk Cut during the opening ceremony.

]]>http://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/07/thank-you-from-the-chap/feed/3Chap Olympiad Celebrates Sporting Ineptitudehttp://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/07/chap-olympiad-celebrates-sporting-ineptitude/
http://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/07/chap-olympiad-celebrates-sporting-ineptitude/#commentsMon, 09 Jul 2012 08:51:33 +0000chapadminhttp://thechapmagazine.co.uk/?p=1778The 8th Chap Olympiad took place on Saturday 7th and Sunday 8th July in Bedford Square Gardens, London, its verdant Bloomsbury outdoor stadium for the last five years. The mischievous British weather toyed with the immaculately attired contestants, threatening to soak splendid outfits which had taken months to prepare, but decided, after all, that these eccentric Olympians deserved two days of dry weather.

Master of Ceremonies Tristan Langlois, as ever, squired the enthusiastic athletes, most of them rather confused by the complicated instructions for each of the ten events, but happy to leap into the fray and put their gentlemanly skills to the test. Contestants managed to dream up yet more unusual ways to approach old favourites such as cucumber sandwich discus, hop, skip and G&T and Umbrella Jousting, while new events such as Butler Racing, Swooning and Synchronised Slippages were executed with our Olympians’ usual breadth of imagination, applomb and inebriated skullduggery.

Those athletes on Day Two of the Olympiad, Sunday 8th, who were either the worse for wear due to Saturday’s excesses, or not quite in the spirit of things having just joined us, were administered to by our competent saucy nurses, the Flirtinis. Exhausted Olympians were stretcher-borne to the Gin Tent, topped up with panache-saving Bloody Marys fed from blood bags.

Britain my have once again missed out on the trophy at the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis championship, but at least we triumphed in Not Playing Tennis at the Chap Olympiad.

]]>http://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/07/chap-olympiad-celebrates-sporting-ineptitude/feed/9Events and Entertainment for Day Two of the Chap Olympiadhttp://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/06/events-and-entertainment-for-day-two-of-the-chap-olympiad/
http://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/06/events-and-entertainment-for-day-two-of-the-chap-olympiad/#commentsTue, 12 Jun 2012 18:36:50 +0000chapadminhttp://thechap.net/cms/?p=1692Sunday 8th July 2012 is Day two of the Eighth Chap Olympiad and will feature a selection of events which have proved favourites with Olympians and spectators alike over the last eight years. There will also be an interval slot by renowned banjolele-wielder and rhyme-popper Mr. B the Gentleman Rhymer. Here is the full list of events

Cucumber Sandwich Discus: Individuals must hurl a cucumber sandwich on a china plate, with this year’s added handicap of a side order of potato crisps

Ironing Board Surfing: Contestants mount their ironing boards and are carried over the finishing line by their butlers and housekeepers

Hop, Skip and G&T: Athletes must complete all three disciplines, with the emphasis on maintaining a full tumbler of gin and tonic by the end

Umbrella Jousting: In the medieval tradition, chaps on bicycles approach each other along a boundary and use their brollies to knock each other off, protected by Bowler hats and reinforced copies of the Daily Telegraph

INTERVAL: A live concert by Chap-hop superstar Mr. B the Gentleman Rhymer, who, among other notable ditties, will be showcasing his brand new tune, “Light the Olympic Pipe”

Three-Trousered Limbo: Pairs of contestants are strapped into huge pairs of double trousers, with three legs, and must stumble under a steadily-lowered limbo pole

Tug of Hair: Teams of ten tug at the tips of an enormous handlebar moustache, with the added handicap of slippery moustache wax

Bounders: A chap must say something so caddish to a lady that he receives a slap. The bounder with the reddest face, but the wryest smile, is the winner

Synchronised Slippages: In the Grand Olympic Paddling Pool, contestants must make an elegant display of tumbling, slipping and getting rather wet, as they attempt futilely to remain upright during their final few drinks of an exhausting two days of Olympian efforts

]]>http://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/06/events-and-entertainment-for-day-two-of-the-chap-olympiad/feed/3Saturday’s Chap Olympiad Sold Outhttp://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/06/chap-olympiad/
http://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/06/chap-olympiad/#commentsTue, 12 Jun 2012 17:20:34 +0000chapadminhttp://thechap.net/cms/?p=1676Tickets are now sold out for The Eighth Chap Olympiad this Saturday. This year’s Olympiad occurs in the same summer as the “Other Olympics” and for this reason we have made it even more spectacular than ever before. As well as our usual ten track, field and bar events, we have a huge range of extra entertainment, sideshows and stalls peddling everything from trilbies to wet shaves.

This year’s 8th Chap Olympiad runs over two days, Saturday 7th and Sunday 8th July. Saturday’s events will run as follows:
1.00 The Pipeathlon: six contestants must complete a 10-yard course using three disciplines – pipe smoking, cycling and being carried by their servants across the finishing line.
1.20 Gentlemen’s Golf Club: contestants must hit a bowler hat into a large fishing net using a walking stick.
1.40 Swooning: one for the ladies. Chaps have to induce the ladies to swoon through any means possible.
2.00 Butler Baiting: teams of two (master and butler) must assemble a wardrobe impressive enough to satisfy the butler, by running back and forth between their master and a suitcase full of clothing.
2.30 Not Playing Tennis: contestants seated in armchairs play a game of tennis without getting up. The tennis ball is suspended on a wire hung between two hat stands.

3.00-4.00 During the interval, you will be entertained and educated in the arts of Omnicombat – a variation on the 19th century martial art of Bartitsu, or gentlemanly self defence with walking canes and umbrellas. This demonstration will be made by Albion and his son Merlin, both adepts. Albion has assured us that “We have no insurance cover, but it is very unlikely that anyone will suffer serious injury or death.”

4.00 Ironing Board Surfing. Contestants mount their ironing boards and are carried over the finishing line by their butlers and housekeepers.
4.20 Moustache Wrestling: two contestants must pluck a single hair from their opponent’s lip weasel.
4.40 Briefcase Phalanx: a line of ten chaps and chapettes, dressed for the office and clutching briefcases and handbags, creates a phalanx. Lone contestants must charge at them and try to break through to the secretary on the other side, who is ready to type a letter.
5.20 Shouting at Foreigners: contestants must pit their gentlemanly skills against a curmudgeonly, uncooperative foreign shop assistant.
5.40 Umbrella Jousting: two contestants, armed only with brollies and briefcases, must go at one another on bicycles and attempt to knock each other off.

Tickets are available for each of the two days individually, or at at a reduced price for both days. Tickets are available from www.thechapolympiad.com/ or by telephoning 020 7724 1617

]]>http://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/06/chap-olympiad/feed/21Chap Olympiad 2012 Tickets Go on Salehttp://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/03/chap-olympiad-2012-tickets-go-on-sale/
http://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/03/chap-olympiad-2012-tickets-go-on-sale/#commentsFri, 30 Mar 2012 11:10:22 +0000chapadminhttp://thechap.net/content/section_news/?p=1019Tickets for this year’s annual sporting occasion for the overdressed have gone on sale. This is a significant year for the Chap Olympiad: after years of covertly observing our sporting spectacle, The British Olympic Committee has picked 2012 as the year to stage its copycat event, called simply “The Olympic Games”. Our response is simply to put on a bigger, better Chap Olympiad than ever before.

This year’s event, on Saturday 7th and Sunday 8th July, will take place over two days in Bedford Square Gardens; Day One will be our usual Chap Olympic Games, including Umbrella Jousting, Swooning, Ironing Board Surfing and Not Playing Tennis, while day two will host the Paralyticolympics, when those barely able to stand will still have their trouser creases and their pipe-smoking technique put to the test.

Gold, silver and bronze cravats will be awarded separately on both days, so competitors on either day do not have to attend on both days in order to win prizes. The events on Day Two will differ from those on Day One – though, as usual, performance will be judged principally on maintenance of panache, perfectly knotted ties, stiff upper lips and acceptable (i.e. caddish) levels of skulduggery.

On Day Two there will be a special Gin Tent, staffed by nurses trained at the Atters Attree Gout Sanatorium, to assist any contestants who have tested negative for alcohol levels, or those who are feeling a little under the weather and require a top-up.

Tickets are available for either day, or a special weekend ticket at a reduced cost. Purchase tickets at www.ticketweb.co.uk or call 020 7724 1617

]]>http://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/03/chap-olympiad-2012-tickets-go-on-sale/feed/11New Date Set for Eighth Chap Olympiadhttp://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/03/new-date-set-for-eighth-chap-olympiad/
http://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/03/new-date-set-for-eighth-chap-olympiad/#commentsWed, 21 Mar 2012 16:43:11 +0000chapadminhttp://thechap.net/content/section_news/?p=998The date for this year’s Chap Olympiad, which will take place over two days instead of one, has now been confirmed as Saturday 7th-Sunday 8th July 2012. Tickets will go on sale on Monday 26th March. This year’s Olympiad is competing with a rival organisation, calling itself simply “The Olympics”, which is attempting to steal the limelight with a very unimaginative, corporate version of our Olympiad in Stratford.

The 8th Chap Olympiad features the usual smorgasbord of unathletic events, designed to highlight the competitors’ strong points – well-pressed trousers, superb pipe-smoking technique, impeccably waxed moustaches – and draw a veil over their weaker points – being useless at sport, disliking sudden movement, making an effort or perspiration.

Immaculately dressed athletes will have their gentlemanly and ladylike skills put to the test in ten gruelling unsporting disciplines, including Ironing Board Surfing, Butler Baiting, Swooning, Not Playing Tennis, Umbrella Jousting and Shouting at Foreigners.

So fasten your braces, slick down your barnet, adjust your trilby to its most rakish angle, and prepare to pit your Chappish skills against your fellow Chaps and Chapettes on the Field of Pleasant Dreams.