Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Top Ten Puberty Inducing Moments From the Last 50 years

In the last 50 years, the sexual revolution has exploded in our faces. Thanks to the loosening of morals and the tightening of material around certain areas, young boys have launched into puberty at various instances because of pop culture.

Back when I was a kid in the 80s, stolen HBO and the mere hint of female flesh in a music video were enough to blast our hormones into orbit like the Apollo rocket in the MTV commercial. In the 90s, who could forget “Jiggle TV”?

With that in mind, I give you the 10 best puberty kickoff moments of the last 50 years. Granted, some of the items on this list weren’t exactly for the eyes of those in the demographic, however, just like the Internet today, there was access to the material in those days. All that was needed was access to HBO and a night away from the parents. Sleepovers provided the ability to do these things.

Warning: This post contains juvenile humor.

10.2. Britney Spears – VMA awards barely there body stocking – 2000Tie for tenth place. If Britney's first act was appearing as a Catholic School Girl In Trouble in her video for "Hit Me Baby", her second act was the blood pumping strip tease during the 2000 VMAs.

10.1. Katy Perry – Whip Cream Bra Cannon in “California Gurls” music video – 2010Tie for tenth place. She ruined Candy Land for Kindergartners but straightened out a few candy canes for some up and coming teen boys in 2010. Katy Perry turned her boobs into whip cream and firework cannons after kissing a girl. If sex sells, she was cornering the market with ample amounts of tease.

9. Catherine Bach –Daisy Duke wearing Daisy from Dukes of Hazzard – 1979
They weren't called Bo Dukes, after all. Many a boy jumped a bridge and yelled 'Yee Haaaa' after seeing Catherine Bach in the too short shorts on Friday nights at the end of the 70s.

8. Kelly LeBrock – first entrance from Weird Science – 1985
"What would you little maniacs like to do first?" asked Lisa in the John Hughes classic. Um, shower with you of course.

7. Tawny Kitaen – Ghost riding the hood of a car in the “Here I Go Again” music video – 1987
Never before did preteen boys want to be a car hood than when Tawny slithered and writhed in time to the re-release of Whitesnake's most famous hit.

6. Pamela Anderson – Slo-Mo runs from Baywatch – 1992
I remember the Baywatch before Boobwatch. Back when Parker Stevenson was on and it was the original pilot entitled, "Panic At Malibu Pier". But nobody liked it, so it got retooled with a former Tool Time girl running in slow motion towards 'supposedly' drowning males. She got the swimmers swimming for those boys just discovering the floatation devices in the early 90s.

5. Farrah Fawcett – Famous Poster – 1976
One of the most famous pin up posters to push the envelope with perky.... um yeah. Sadly we lost Farrah to cancer. But we'll always have this on our ceiling, above our bed, as a shrine to the 70s.

4. Raquel Welch – Fur Bikini from One Million Years B.C. – 1967
Fur Bikini and dinosaurs. Two things that go hand in hand, right? And.... how about a cat fight between two beautiful cave girls. Can you say Pubertosaurus Rex? It's no wonder Andy Dufresne used her to cover his jail break.

3. Ursula Andress – Dr. No Bikini beach entrance – 1962
The original Bond girl who came strolling out of the surf in the white bikini and some wonderful conch shells! She made James' martini shake as 60s era preteens stirred in their seats upon seeing the Swiss Miss, dubbed by go to Bond voice over actress Nikki van der Zyl.

2. Carrie Fisher – Princess Leia in a Gold Bikini from Return of the Jedi – 1983
We all wanted to use the force or at least swing our lightsabers after seeing the demure but sassy Leia Organa forced into servitude and a gold metal bikini on Jabba's barge in the final chapter of the original Star Wars trilogy. It's almost too Freudian to imagine her fighting with the almost phallic looking Jabba the Hutt on the deck. And to that end, she choked the Hutt while fanboys nearly choked their chicken. Ross Gellar approves.

1. Phoebe Cates – Pool exit scene from Fast Times at Ridgemont High – 1982
It had to be Linda Barret. It just had to be, right? One of my earliest memories of my parents stealing HBO was a grainy, "chh chh chh chh" sounding Phoebe Cates, strolling out of the pool in this scene from the 80s classic. Looking back, it seems so odd to glorify movies that portrayed high school teenage characters taking their clothes off on screen. Another would be Caroline Mulford in Sixteen Candles. But you have to remember that Cates was 19 when she did the bikini burst and Haviland Morris was 25 when she hit the tympani bounce note in the school shower from the John Hughes movie. Still, as far as puberty inducing moments, this takes the taco. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need some alone time with side one of Led Zeppelin IV.

Sorry, I couldn't post the real clip. I do try to keep this PG-13, at most.

Honorable Mention:Marilyn Monroe – “Happy Birthday, Mr. President” – 1962
Now, what list of sex symbols and sultriness would be
complete without the original, one and only, Marilyn Monroe? So, she
gets an honorable mention for providing enough of a provocative
performance to the POTUS. Fully clothed, she still gave boys a Cuban
Missile Crisis in their pants.