Saturday, March 16, 2013

get off my lawn!

The other day I was walking to school and I was crossing a VERY major intersection when all of a sudden I was on my bum. One second I was walking, with my 20 pound school bag, minding my own business and the next minute I was sitting on my butt on the wet dirty road.

There was no slip of foot, no slide, no jerky arm flung above the head. No promissory note that I was about to fall down. I just fell down.

On my bum.

In front of gads of people.

And what did I do? I laughed.

I laughed so hard I almost needed assistance getting up. When people fall I laugh. I can't help it and apparently I laugh even when it's me doing the falling.

This is good to know.

I giggled pretty much all day about it, actually and I just giggled now. I don't know why the falling makes me laugh but mercy me, do I think it's funny.

AFV is awesome for making me laugh because there is an insane amount of falling on that show. The first time I saw this clip I laughed until I wanted to puke.

The Scarlet Bozo.

You're welcome.

So...moving on. I have a pet peeve I need to get off my chest. It's this thing that the people of the world do that I just can't take anymore. Look, I know I am an impatient person. I know that I take lots of deep breaths and have inhaled the life out of every clary sage plant on earth. I know that I have to tell myself to be nice.

"Just be nice, Catherine." I say this many times a day. God made me a cranky, ornery girl who just wants everyone to not be stupid and I can't help that. I try to balance it with good things that bring sunshine and rainbows to the world. I make meals for people who have had babies. I foster other people's children when they can't do it themselves. I do these things to help balance out the crazy psycho female side of me. In the end I want God to say, "yeah, you were pretty cranky but you were nice enough, so enter."

But I can't help but transfer the blame of some of this to stupid people who, for whatever reason, haven't figured out how to be less irritating unto me. I am talking to you, students of the University of Calgary.

I am talking to YOU!

So let me help you, not that anyone who needs to hear it is reading this, but it makes me feel better and since this is my blog we should only be concerned with how I feel. Right?

Right.

Stick to the right. Please, everyone, for the love, stick to the right. Use the right side door. Walk along the right side of the hallway. When you turn the corner, stick to the right, even when you are turning left.

When you walk through your left door, into my right door, you are in my way. When you walk down the left side of your hallway, on my right side, you are in my way. When you turn the corner to the left but you hug your left, you are walking into my right and if I am hugging the right, like I am supposed to be, then you will walk right into me and therefore, you are in my way.

You see how this works? If we all stay to the right then no one is in anyone's way. Makes sense, right? Think about it. Close your eyes and imagine everyone sticking to the right, even when you are turning left. To the right. To the right. To the right.

Yep, it makes sense. But because you have no common sense you are constantly in my way and I am constantly aggravated because you don't know how to walk down a hall, or use a door or turn a corner.

Get off my lawn! You have your own lawn! Walk on your own lawn!

The university is a place of education, so be educated. I am begging you. Pay attention and allow yourself to be educated just by looking around.

It's the only free education you will get at the university.

If you go to the university, or are a person who walks in hallways and the such, consider this your public service for the day. Me giving back to the community. Balancing out the evil that is within me by providing you a way to be hugely less annoying.

I love you. You and I are so similar. In Paris, I wanted to YELL at people who were doing things like this because OPEN YOUR EYES. Is anyone else stopping in the doorway of the crowded train to see where they need to go next? No? It's because you are going to get mowed down by the 100 people behind you. Being mindful of your surroundings is often the only education you need. Yeesh.

"God made me a cranky, ornery girl who just wants everyone to not be stupid." <-- this is making me laugh and laugh. But I feel your pain. ARGH. I want to walk through people sometimes. I'm a fast walker and hate people who slow down and stop. It's like, people, I will mow you down. This also applies to driving - I'll let anyone in, but they'd best haul their cookies once they're in. ; )