The last line: "Remember: Stay polite and stay sane and if you can't manage that, then stay away."

Thanks for sharing this! I just received a Christmas card from a toxic family member that I haven spoken to in almost 4 years, and I needed that to strengthem my spine. I tossed the card in the trash without opening it.

OP, just keep doing what you are doing. The great news is that you are an adult and your mother has no power to make you do anything you don't want to do. You mention that your mom is also toxic, and I think it may be a good idea to reduce the amount of contact you have with her, too.