Med Student Mistakes Dialysis Machine for ATM Machine

NASHVILLE, TN – As much as they wanted to help out third-year medical student Erin Sperling, the staff of the dialysis unit at Vanderbilt University Medical Center just didn’t have the heart to tell her she was trying to take money out one of their dialysis machines.

“So where do I swipe my card?”

“I want to tell her that isn’t an ATM machine, it’s a dialysis machine, but it would break my heart to see the look on her face,” said unit secretary Greg Peterson. “Gosh, she looks so helpless. Those medical students always do.” Peterson told us that this was the third time this week a medical student tried to withdraw money from one of the unit’s dialysis machines.

For the record, none of the students have succeeded.

According to several dialysis nurses, Sperling walked up to an unoccupied dialysis machine, trying to figure out where to insert her debit card. She kept saying, “Why can’t I see the slot?” as she walked around the whole dialysis machine, peaking into every nook and cranny. “Maybe it only reads chip cards,” she was overheard saying.

Nephrologist Tim Finley, who arrived midway through the scene, almost interjected when attempts by Sperling to swipe her ATM card nearly dislodged both the dialysate and heparin pumps.

“Hmmm,” Sperling said, baffled that this ATM was being so finicky. “Maybe this isn’t an ATM after all.” The staff looked on in anticipation, hoping the student would figure it out. “Maybe it’s a vending machine,” she said. The staff groaned as she put her card back in her purse and took out a few single dollar bills instead.

The dialysis unit staff will desperately try to contain themselves as they now watch Sperling attempt to get Cheetos out of this thing.