by:kate28 (01/13/2010)
Today we salute you,
Mr. Supermarket Deli Meat Slicer.
To feed America's hunger,
You stand dangerously close to a buzz saw,
Armed only with a salami.
(just youuu and your salami)
Behind your glass fortress,
You quickly fill orders as shopper's shout,
"Hey! I was first."
(taaake a number please)
And no matter what you're slicing,
From bologna to liverwurst,
You always hit your mark...
One-tenth of an ounce over.
(thaat's the way I like it)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Oh Master Slicer.
And remember, when someone asks "who cut the cheese?"
You can proudly say,
"It was me."

by:kate28 (07/28/2008)
Today we salute you,
Mr. Doggie Day Spa Operator.
Watching your dog endure the hard-knock life of sleeping, eating, and going number 2,
You've created a doggie utopia of sleep, eat... and go number 2.
(that's 200 dollars)
Leaving your dog in a car on a 90 degree day--
Inhumane.
Leaving your dog in a 90 degree sauna--
Pampering.
(another 200 dollars)
Some people shave their dogs for the summer.
YOU shave them,
Trim their split ends,
And add highlights.
(your bill is 600 dollars)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Oh Primper of the Pooch,
Every dog will have its day,
As long as it has an appointment.