Friday, August 10, 2012

Premature Evacuation: The Project Runway recap

Kooan, 2 minutes after he quit the show

Do you ever go to a dinner party
and the hostess comes out and says, “Who wants a second piece of pie?” and
everyone looks at each other, because taking a second piece of pie would sort
of be piggish, but then one person raises their hand and gamely says, “I do!”
and then suddenly everyone else is like, “What the hell. You only live once!”
and the next thing you know, everybody has a second piece of pie?

Such it was last night on Project
Runway. It was like once Andrea led the way, made it acceptable, within the realm
of possibility to exit the show, the
floodgates opened. Next Kooan decided to leave and then Nathan admitted he
wanted to leave and I began to wonder if by the end of this little group convo,
it was just going to be Tim, Christopher and Ven standing in a small circle,
shrugging at each other.

At first, of course, everyone had
to process the news of Andrea’s nocturnal departure—in the most judgmental
way possible.

“I just don’t think it’s right to
quit like that” – Buffi

“It was a poor example,
especially since she’s a teacher” – Ven

“It’s kind of lame.” – Andrea

“She took the coward’s way out” –
Gunnar.

“How could she do this to me?” – Christopher

Okay, so Christopher didn’t
actually say that, but he basically did. Earlier in the show he admitted that
he had pushed Andrea in front of a bus (a reality TV first? Many a contestant
has claimed to be the pushee, but how many have admitted they were the pusher?)

Then he felt guilty and mopey and
mournful about the whole thing—even more mopey and mournful than usual, which
is saying a lot about Christopher, whose default state is “Adorable
Melancholia.”

“It’s like a joke is being played
on me,” Christopher said (mournfully). Yes, I’m sure that was Andrea’s intent.

Anyway, this was all the
encouragement Kooan needed. You know those velvet paintings of crying clowns?
Kooan is like that—except he’s an Asian guy with an Afro. But basically, he
wants to be a laughing clown, not a crying clown, so he was all, “Peace out.”
(What was weird was how calm and resolute—dare I even say mature?—he was about
the whole decision. Everyone else is crying and gnashing their teeth and Kooan
is like, “My decision is final. Be at peace, my friends.” And then, just as he
left, as if the weight of the whole series had been spontaneously lifted off
his shoulders, he let out a chirpy, gleeful “Make it Work!” and he scampered
off to Magic SuperFun Rainbow Land, or wherever the hell it is that he lives.)

Then Nathan also wants to leave.
And this was when I thought the garment that is Project Runway was really going
to unravel—leaving Tim Gunn and Christopher and Ven holding one long thread.

“Are the rest of you read to move
forward and make it work?” Tim said, doing his version of a locker room pep
talk.

“Uh, yeah,” came the response.

(I don’t know about you guys, but
I was ready to run through a wall after that!)

Cooler heads did eventually
prevail and the mass exodus was avoided.

Nathan stayed (and I’m glad because,
although I can’t remember a single thing he’s designed, I love his personal
style) and Raul came back.

Cute get-up

“I’m back bitches,” Raul said.
(Because that is the kind of sassy thing you must say when you’re on a reality
TV fashion show. )

“You’re a lucky ho,” said
Christopher. (Ibid)

The challenge this week is to
create a look for a woman on the go that is stylish and fashionable and
comfortable.

“Think about wrinkles. And the
fact that you don’t want them,” said Tim. (He really is the Yoda of fashion
isn’t he?)

So not too much drama in the
studio:

Ven, for some reason, has a major
hate-on for Raul, which I don’t completely get. It’s not like Raul is any kind
of threat to him.

Christopher tried to help Buffi by suggesting that she take her useless hot pink toga/tunic thingy and make it
a useless black toga/tunic thingy. Then he was mopey, mournful and adorably
melancholic when she was offended by his suggestion.

On the runway, Heidi Klum came
out dressed as Wilma Flintstone for reasons unclear.

Then she introduced the judges:
MK, Nina, Hayden Panettiere and Rachel Roy.

This made me laugh because
obviously Hayden doesn’t have the fashion chops to be a judge on her own.
(Rachel Roy was the equivalent of the seasoned waiter tagteaming it with the “trainee"
at a diner.)

"This is how judges sit, Hayden"

The strangest thing that happened
on the runway was I found out that MK and Nina like Fabio’s personal style. I
look at Fabio and think to myself, “I see you underneath all those layers of
crap, Fabio. Somewhere, buried beneath that long beard and those do-rags and
dashikis and hipster Tzitzis is a beautiful man. Groom thyself. ” And Michael
Kors thinks he has fabulous style? (Whose teams are you on, MK? You disappoint
me.)

Shave, remove 4 accessories and we can talk

(Another aside: How on earth
is effin’ #TeamElena winning the fan vote on Twitter? I strongly doubt that
members of Elena’s immediate family actually like her.)

???

So the Top 3 were Christopher,
Dmitry, and my girl Sonjia.

And the Bottom 3 were Buffi,
Fabio, and Raul.

I was actually glad that Ven, who
did another one of his uber-tasteful, architectural designs, wasn’t in the Top
3. Yes, Ven, you are the Michael Phelps of draping. Now do something different,
dammit!!!

And Sonjia wins! Sonjia wins! And
Hayden Panettiere wants to wear her design and you can see Sonjia thinking,
“Should I debase my design by letting her wear it?” (Just kidding. She was
stoked.)

And Buffi is out. Darn it. I
loved me some Buffi and her “an 80s vintage store barfed on me” style.

Buffi was slayed

But I knew they weren’t going to
bring Raul back just to jettison him again. (Although really Raul? You thought
the blue suede pumps and the hot pink clutch were a good idea to add to your
already hideously cluttered get-up?)

I loved Buffi’s attitude in
departure though:

“I’m going to be more crazy and
tacky and glittery and colorful than ever.”

Or, in other words: Take your
good taste and shove it, Project Runway!

2 comments:

B.) Elena. Really? Has she managed to enlist Ukrainian web bots or something?

C.) Hayen, Hayden, Hayden. Could this be the same little girl I saw as little leukemia-stricken Lizzie Spaulding on Guiding Light in the '90s? She sounds like a chain smoker and looks like she's had some kind of cosmetic something already. Sadface.

Sociable

This is how I blog roll

About Me

Hi, I'm Max Weiss. You might know me from WBAL radio or WBAL TV. Maybe you know me from my days on Max and Mike on the Movies or as managing editor of Baltimore magazine. Maybe you don't know me at all—and prefer it that way. This blog will be sort of a clearing house of movie reviews, pop culture musings, deep thoughts, and reality TV recaps. Oh and pictures of my dog. Lots and lots of pictures of my dog.