My life from the heart of Berlin!

After living in Berlin in the same flat for many years I finally moved into a new place in June. Of course, I did not know how my new flat would turn out, because it is always a question of luck to find the right place at the right time. I was expecting the worst. Living in Berlin, you learn how difficult it gets every year to find a flat that is affordable and perfect at the same time. Most people go for shared living so that they can afford to live in the popular districts. For me that was kind of out of question. I love to have my own space that I can decorate the way I love and make it feel my home that reflects me as a person. Sharing my flat would be as if Carrie Bradshaw shared hers in Sex and the City.

So, I gave up my rooftop flat with a sunny terrace for a much more spacious flat with a huge kitchen and a sunroom, that we call a “wintergarden” in german. Of course, all this space costs me more money. But it is worth it and still way cheaper than most comparable flats in Berlin. I still have a green and quiet view with many trees and lots of evening sun. Most Berliners can only dream about such a gorgeous view. The best thing about all this is, my flat is still central enough to reach Alexanderplatz in 15 minutes and Stadtmitte in 25 minutes. It gets even better: I am at the Airport in 20 minutes and at the Hauptbahnhof in 25 minutes.

There is still space for improvement, but honestly, for the rent I am paying monthly at the moment, this is just my dream flat! It is central, spacious, sunny and green at the same time. The rooms are not completely done. Some things such as plants, curtains, pictures and little details are still missing and will be completed within the next months. Nonetheless, I am presenting you some of the highlights of my place with my own taste for furniture and interior design. My favorite places are the kitchen, the bathroom and my sunny wintergarden. Enjoy!

Now I told the story of Lu & Mithi. The story that had to do with the past years of my life.

The relationship between me and Mithi ended and there is nothing to bring it back the way it was before. We would both have to move on with our lifes and make the best out of it. Of course, there is no hate or other bad feelings left between us for each other. We still consider ourselves good friends and we know that in case of any kind of help we can rely on each other. However, we do not want to depend on each other or to bring back old feelings.

I think, Mithi is handling the whole thing way better than me. He is focusing on his job and on earning money as well as finding a caring partner. He is doing it quite well and I am very happy for him. I am also busy with my job and with saving up some money. I know I have to look out for someone new too but it is pretty difficult to do it on purpose. In the end love and a relationship cannot be forced. Only time and coincidence will make it come true.

I am taking the good things out of the relationship with Mithi for my future life. I have found a true friend with a good heart. Someone, who is also struggling to find the same things in life. Mithi taught me many things. He taught me how to be strong and not to give up. He taught me to be patient. He inspired me to be creative and to try out new things. He believed in my dreams and most of all he showed me true love.

Life is not always easy and it is not always blessed but knowing Mithi is a true blessing and I am thankful for it. So this is the end of the story. And it ends with love. The love will always remain.

It never feels good coming back home from holidays. It always felt strange and empty to me. This time, it was worse in many ways. I already said how much I was crying when I left Mithi in India. I thought this was only a good-bye phase. But it was not. I felt sad for the next days and weeks and I was crying a lot. I was crying for so many reasons. It was as if my heart and mind had been awaken and as if I was brought back to my previous condition. I could finally see and feel everything so clearly. And I realised it was too late.

I was expecting Mithi would talk to me the same way he did before my visit. Instead, he did not call me again. It was only me contacting him. And he did seem to be annoyed or bored with me contacting him and talking to him. He did not consider me as his partner anymore. Of course, it pained me a lot but I could understand his behaviour. It was his reaction to my behaviour. His decision to let me go.

I was unable to let go of him in that way. For me he was still my precious darling in my heart and I could not imagine to let the days go by without talking to him or to close that chapter of my life so suddenly. I kept sending him messages and telling him how much I miss him and that I still love him. He did respond sometimes but I could see that there were no deep feelings from his side anymore. I had no choice. I could not force him to talk to me or to change his feelings. Words are not as strong as actions. So the only thing left for me was to cry my heart out and get over it. I did not cry every day though. It was more like sudden crying attacks bursting out of me. But even after many months it was still not over with the crying.

My conscience was very hard on me. I was reflecting on my behaviour and my words I showed the last months and I could not believe that this was me. I never wanted to become such a person. I wanted to be the person I was before. This was simply not the way this love was supposed to end…

So in the middle of my depression being apart from Mithi and developing feelings for another person I made the decision to visit my darling in Mangalore, staying in his family’s house with him and his parents. I was debatting with Mithi a couple of times if this was the right time for me to come since I was such a wreck emotionally, but I insisted to come. I could not stand the feeling of being apart even longer from him. And I also needed a break from my life and routine in Berlin to find inner peace again.

When I arrived in Mangalore after a long flight I was greeted and taken care of so warm by Mithi and also by his parents. I felt at home right away. They did everything to make my visit as comfortable and nice as possible. I felt so blessed during that time. The climate with rain showers in the evening, our trips with the scooter to the city, visiting the coast and seeing the beach, going to the church together. So many beautiful moments that I will never forget. The first days felt like I finally left my life in Berlin behind.

Sadly, I was still not over the last months and I had difficulties to open up as much as I should have during my visit. After all, it was the time to be with Mithi and to enjoy every moment with him as much as possible. It was the time to hold him, to kiss him, to tell him how much I love him. Instead, I was cold. I was cold and I did not notice it because I was so busy in my mind to find my own inner peace that I overlooked what this all actuallly was about. It was not about me, it was about us, about sharing my feelings and my life with another person instead of sealing myself off from everyone.

Of course, Mithi was feeling my cold and after the first days he started to leave me to myself thinking I would not have any true feelings for him. He could only see my depressed and cold self. When the last days of my visit finally arrived I started feeling sadness, knowing that I would be leaving soon and get back to my life in Berlin without Mithi by my side. I was unable to find the right words back then to tell Mithi how sorry I felt for my cold behaviour and that I was unable to open up to him the way I should have done it as his partner. I was crying the last night and day a lot. Even at the airport I could not hold back my tears. The only thing was, I did not show my tears to Mithi. What meaning would my tears have to him, if I was unable to turn my feelings into actions?

So I returned back to Berlin and I was unsure if I actually felt better or worse. The next days and weeks would show…

It is always a challange to write about oneself without leaving out an important detail of the own personality. What to say? How to start?

I can describe myself as a romantic, believing in the one and only true love and in being faithful and honest to the people I love. I despise selfish people as well as people who think they are superiour to others. The biggest heart is the one that is treating all kinds of people with respect and without prejudice.

The day I met Mithi I opened my heart to him without prejudice. I opened it to him completely, giving it all to him. I felt like my life started having a meaning with him. I felt never alone again. Every time I came from work he was there waiting to talk to me. And I enjoyed our talks so much. He gave me that feeling that I was able to talk about anything on my heart, expressing it openly.

When Mithi lost his job and had to move back to his parents house in Mangalore, India more than one year ago, I was thinking this would be only temporary. But things turned out differently. He was even more busy there and our talks became less. I tried to think positive in any way and to enjoy life in Berlin the best way possible so that I would not drown in sadness. First it worked fine, but I started to be more and more busy with my office life and especially with making bonds with colleagues. Thinking this would be a good thing to do turned out to be the opposite.

When the person you love is not there to talk to you and to share all the moments with you, you share these moments with someone else. In my case it was a colleague that I started to like a lot. We understood quite well and I thought we could be really good friends. The problem was that I felt more inside when being with him. Many nights I stayed awake thinking how it could be that I felt in a way for him that I used to feel only for Mithi. I knew the answer was the distance.

I am a very open person and I knew that Mithi was able to see that there was something on my mind, so I told him openly about my emotional status and how hard the situation was on me. I promised him to control my feelings if he would give me enough time to find myself again. I am aware of how much I hurt him during that time by telling him everything and asking him to give me time, but during that period I was emotionally devastated and a wreck. I was unable to care for him emotionally too. First I had to fix myself inside and find out where and why I lost myself on the way.

When I came to Mangalore in October to spend the month with Mithi I was hoping my visit would help me to find back to myself and to our love but I was still not ok by then and things would not simply go back to what they were before…

I will never forget the day I was talking to Mithi for the first time. He was crying like waterfalls telling me how lonely he felt and that he was thinking about suicide because he had nobody being there for him and caring for him. I did not know him at all and I also had no idea in my mind what I was actually expecting for myself from talking to him but for some reasons I felt very touched by him opening up to me as a complete stranger, him feeling so free to tell me all these very intimate things from his life. He asked me directly if I was interested in a relationship with him and I said yes.

Looking back, it occures rarely that two people decide so fast to have a relationship with each other. In that case, it was not planned, it just happened. Usually you feel very soon if there is a connection between you and another person and it was there between the two of us. We also knew that we wanted the same out of life.

The following months and years would bring many wonderful conversations, growing feelings and a strong appereciation for each other. Finally we were both able to share our happiness and sadness with someone.

It was not hard for me to love Mithi. His nature made it very easy for me. He can be described as very caring and fully devoted to his partner. He is also a very humorous and witty person. It never gets boring with him. He is a source of information and I admit that I have learned a lot from him. I still miss our conversations enormously. Not only was he a source of information to me, but also a source of inspiration. As I already mentioned, he was the one who inspired me to start this blog and to try out so many things that I would not start on my own. I am one of these people who need an incentive to be creative and for me it was him.

Mithi has many talents. He is a talented writer, a great cook, good in crafts and singing. People love to be around him. For me all these things are not as important as his loving a caring heart.

So the reason why our relationship ended had nothing to do with him. He was actually the best partner I could wish for. It had to do with me and the circumstances we were put in. But that is a different chapter.

It has been a really long time since I posted something on my blog. I started this blog with the idea of sharing with all of you pieces of my life and creative ideas such as cooking, sewing and photography. It was actually love for my darling Mithi that moved me to start this blog. Unfortunately our relationship did not survive the circumstances we were put into but the love was true and beautiful and it is still in my heart.

Being with Mithi was the most wonderful time in my life and I am still thankful for the chance of meeting the most precious person in my life so far.

I do not want to indulge in sentimentaliy but simply express my feelings about this blessed time and relationship with my partner, giving it the respect that it deserves.

I am expressing my feelings by telling our story, the story about two lovers, the story about Lu and Mithi, the names we have given each other, accompanied with photographs I made in his home town, Mangalore, India.

It’s spring season and summer is coming close, so not the perfect time for making sweaters or any warm clothing, but I bought this gorgeous fabric some time ago and I was hoping to create a beautiful sweater out of it. Finally, I finished my projects, creating the pattern, cutting the fabric, sewing the pieces together and sewing some buttons on.

I’m very slow when it comes to sewing. I make plans about how soon I want a piece to be done, but time is passing by so fast that it takes me much longer than expected to finish a project. I’m glad I’ve finished that one and I really like the result. I want to wear that sweater next winter season. The fabric is just so comfortable to wear and to touch.Since I bought only one meter of the fabric I had to be so careful with cutting it into pieces because it was just enough to make a complete sweater. What I love the most about this sweater are first of all the wooden buttons and second the unfinished look on the edges. It really fits my personal style.

Hi everyone and thank you for sticking to my blog! I know it’s been some weeks now that I had posted something on my blog and I believe that the next weeks will be not different. I really love my blog and I don’t want to give it up but the last weeks had been so busy for me.

First of all I started my new job and I had to get used to the work and the schedule. Second, I was trying really hard for an apprenticeship or study the last weeks and I was traveling to different cities for some interviews. I had to do this during my off days, so there was no private time left for me to indulge in my blog. I have to admit that the travels had been quite nice, but still very time- and energy-consuming. The interviews had been fun and a great experience but unfortunately I had no luck until now to receive acceptance for a study or at least a test work week.

There is still plan B in my pocket to apply at a university for a different kind of study, but this will be under complete different requirements, so I’m not able to estimate my chances in that at all.

I’m glad I could bring my photo camera with me to the interviews and make some beautiful photographies of the cities of Dresden and Radebeul, which is a very small town next to Dresden. I was also in south Germany in Mannheim and Neustadt, but I did not make great pics there. Hope you enjoy the pics as long as I don’t have my next sewing project finished to present to you. Dresden and Radebeul are actually very cute and beautiful, even though it looks a little bit shabby in some places.

Last week I posted a project that I was not so satisfied with, but this week I have the chance to show you two new projects in one post. I used for these two projects one of my fabrics that I’ve shown you some weeks ago. The chosen fabric has a nice print, but I can assure you that it’s such an unforgivable fabric as it just can be. There is a lot of stretch in this fabric and I think I’m not that skilled yet to work with stretch fabric. I decided to make sweatpants and matching underpants with it. It took me a lot of time to fix the waistband, but I’m satisfied with the overall outcome in the end.The level of this project was mediocre, not too difficult. I definitely get some routine with pants. Now it’s about time to practice some tops. I’m never sure about my modeling attempts when posting for my blog Hope you like the presentation. So have a nice easter holiday all of you!The Brave Cook