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Feb 15, 2013

Inside Reality's Devastation

I thought everything will be okay if I insist myself to the
positive side of my every day.

WHY? WHY CAN'T YOU ALL APPRECIATE MY HARDWORK?

WHY? WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I DIDN'T RELY TO YOUR
STRENGTHS?

WHY? WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I NEVER ASKED ANYTHING FROM YOU
TO GAIN SOMETHING FOR MYSELF?

Why is everything turning to waste? All my efforts seem to
be unwanted. I’ve been with bad luck for few days already … AM I REALLY A
FAILURE?

I want to cry. I really want to cry now.

I thought everything will be resolved once I spend more time
with my friends. Yes, I am really happy with their company, but once it's the time to go home, miseries haunt me.

WHY? AM I REALLY A LETDOWN?

Am I still not enough?

Are all my efforts still not enough?

Do I have to be perfect?

I am feeling so terrible.

I feel so useless.

All I did for the past few days was smile to cover up the grief
I was and am still feeling.

What is this post for?

NOTHING.

No one will empathize.

No one can understand.

All these blues I am experiencing are out of every person’s
business.

I might break any time.

I am so frustrated.

I am so hopeless.

Of course, I am not happy. So even if I did have good
achievements within the week, they are still overshadowed by my melancholy due
to the harshness of reality. If only I can escape the real world just for this
day and will return once I am fully recovered.

Sorrow is one of the major reasons why my heart is racing in
an unwanted rhythm.