Understanding the feelings that are driving you

You may not have seen her for some time. But your chance encounter with your ex has left you thinking of her ever since. You are hot for your ex. You desperately want to have sex with her, and can put your mind to nothing else until you do.

What you are feeling is rather common. It does not make you desperate or pathetic. If you have been separated from an ex-girlfriend for some time, she may seem like a new woman when you see her again. She may also see you in a different light. And indeed may have welcomed your easy flirtations with smiles, genuflection, and a large dose of ass-swishing.

This kind of thing tends to happen when the two individuals in question have each had at least one relationship since the split-up. Time and experience change people. You may have learned a great deal about yourself since you left her. You may have grown up a little more; learned patience, discretion, and probity. These qualities will shine through if you have them, and it may be the reason that she seems open to your unexpressed desire to hook up.

She may have changed as well. Perhaps she was always a sweet girl but never had that bad-girl edge that most men like: the kind that is usually accompanied by a high sex drive and a willingness to be naughty and wildly experimental in bed.

She may have toned up a bit, adopted a sexier more alluring style of dress and manner, and become more bold and confident in herself. These are all very attractive in a woman, and they may partly explain why you want to have sex with her.

But there are other reasons why you are so hot for your ex. They include:

Your natural connection

You know what it is like to be inside of her. For years you had sex with this woman, and the two of you did things to one another that only you know about. You are probably the only one in the bar, restaurant, and club where you met that knows what she looks like naked. You have heard her moans and sighs and the sound of scream when she orgasms.

The two of you have a connection and always will. You cannot help wanting to fill her up again—to enjoy her body once more after so many years of separation.

Desire for the forbidden fruit

In a way, your ex is forbidden fruit. She is a known danger. You broke up for very specific reasons, and even if your only interest is sex you know you are playing with fire. Having sex with her may re-awaken the feelings that you once had for her, and this can lead to disaster.

There is a perverse part of you that wants to see whether this will actually happen. It is a kind of inner game you’re playing. You want to find out whether you can enjoy the taste once without getting hooked to it.

The pleasure of conquest

The factor that overrides all others is your desire for conquest. There is great pleasure in re-seducing a woman. She knows all of your tricks and maneuvers, and will probably hold out to see if you have come up with anything new.

You should be honest with yourself. You feel a certain ownership of her body. She was yours once, and she should be at your disposal again. Although this is a very anachronistic way of feeling, you cannot help the urge to reclaim what you think is rightfully yours. This is the most powerful emotion driving you, and you would do well to acknowledge it.

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