I was diagnosed with HIV when I was 13. So when I
met Joe, I was worried about how he would react
when I told him -- he might leave all together. A
prior relationship had ended up in total disaster
after I disclosed. He told his ex-wife and she threw
it in my face in a very vindictive way. He wasn't as ugly
about it as she was but said that he couldn't carry
on with someone who would "soon be dying an awful
death." I tried to salvage the relationship and offered
support by answering his questions, but he wasn't open
to any of it. We parted ways and went on with our lives.

When Joe and I started dating we always had safer
sex, until after about three weeks he got sneaky and
took off the condom without telling me. I didn't realize
it until after sex, so I asked him and he denied it. I
felt he was not being honest and he finally admitted
he didn't like condoms and didn't want to wear them.
That's when I told him that I was HIV positive and
asked how that made him feel. He was very curious
about how I faced the challenges of living with HIV.
We talked for hours, cried, and held each other for the
rest of the night. We haven't let go since. It felt like a
huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. He
said it didn't make any difference to him and that he
would love me unconditionally. In fact he feels like we
have a stronger bond now, because I have accepted
all of his flaws now he can accept one of mine. We
were married almost a year ago.

I have always wanted to practice safer sex but Joe
absolutely disagrees. My doctor of course recommended
the same but left the decision entirely up to
us. I have always been a non-progressor and haven't
had the need to be on meds, except when I was pregnant
with my daughter. But since Joe refuses to use a
condom, I'm staying on the meds to lower the risk of
transmission. We also discussed side effects of the
medications and the need for me to see a doctor. Joe
said it would set his mind at ease if I was in regular
care. I felt the opposite, because I had always been
really healthy and never needed much care. On top of
that, I didn't have health insurance. But luckily there
are programs here in Colorado that help with drug
coverage and provide health insurance to people with
low incomes.

Joe has been tested but says like he doesn't feel like
getting tested anymore -- although he will in the future.
He says he feels closer to me now than ever and that he
will always feel this way. He's told me on a few occasions
that I better not get sick on him.

But he has not told any family or friends, out of fear
they won't understand and will think less of us. He feels
this is something the two of us are capable of dealing
with ourselves and that with the amazing HIV drugs out
today we can manage to live healthy and productive
lives together. He has often told me that it's he and I
against the world and those who don't like it can go
somewhere ...

When we decided to try and get pregnant, we chose to
do it naturally because Joe thought it would be silly to
do something like artificial insemination since we're not
having protected sex anyways. There wasn't too much
discussion with my doctor about it. He did talk with us
about the risk factors and that the fact that I was on HIV
medications lowered the risk of transmission. He also
suggested that my husband get tested every three to six
months. One doctor was a little surprised that I was the
one who wanted to continue to practice safer sex and
that Joe was the one who didn't.

Having been in the HIV field for several years as a care
manager and client advocate, I had gone through multiple
trainings about HIV therapy. So I knew what precautions
had to be taken and educated Joe about them. I did however
bring him with me to a few trainings that the Children's
Human Immunodeficiency Program (CHIP) at our hospital
hosted on how to go about getting pregnant and having an
HIV-negative child. We looked up things online together, like
information about the medications and
their side effects. I signed up very early
to participate in studies through the CHIP
clinic that monitor my health, the growth
of my baby, and the effects of drugs
before, during, and after pregnancy, just
as I had done while I was pregnant with
my daughter ten years ago. So we didn't
have any issues with getting pregnant
without condoms and didn't feel the need
to talk to other couples about their experiences
trying to get pregnant.

Our sex life is still as strong as when we
met two years ago. Of course with me
being eight months pregnant, I am tired
and physically drained, so sex is the last
thing on my mind. Joe also feels like he
may hurt the baby and is very nervous
about becoming a father -- he's stressed
about how he will perform once our son
arrives. One concern that I know weighs
heavy on his mind is whether our son
will be HIV negative and healthy. We've
both been counseled by the hospital
staff and know that as long as my viral
load remains undetectable our son will be fine, but
there's always a chance. My ten-year-old daughter is
negative -- she was born with Down's syndrome and
other health issues but HIV is not one of them.

We hope that our son, who is due on July 19th, will
be born HIV negative and will live a long healthy life --
we're dedicated to giving our all to him.

This article was provided by ACRIA and GMHC. It is a part of the publication Achieve.
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