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Jaguar pokes fun at GM, stays on Facebook

May 22, 2012

Jaguar is sticking with advertising on Facebook. Photo by Jaguar

Jaguar took a little jab at General Motors on Tuesday, poking fun at the company's decision to stop advertising on Facebook. Jaguar put out a release with eight statements about its current and future plans, which we will now translate.

1. Jaguar WILL advertise on Facebook and welcomes other car companies to “Like” us.

Translation: We saw the backlash and media coverage that GM got when it withdrew its Facebook money, and while we are not interested in the backlash, we'd like some press coverage.

2. Since the big game is the most watched advertising platform in the world, Jaguar WILL consider advertising during the Super Bowl one day, especially if Jacksonville makes it.

Translation: We watched the GM ads, and we can do better. We just have to think up an idea; give us a few years. Also, the Jacksonville mascot is the Jaguar, so that that synergy would be nice.

3. Jaguar WILL advertise on NFL.com because everyone follows football, and our Internet traffic went through the roof in 2011 when we launched the “Jaguars at Play” spot during a Philadelphia Eagles game.

Translation: We know where our bread is buttered, and it's not just battery-throwing Eagles fans.

4. Jaguar WILL advertise on AMC's The Walking Dead in support of the new campaign theme that asks “How Alive Are You?” (The answer to that is too alive.)

Translation: Volvo and Audi have filled the vampire niche in advertising, but everyone knows zombies were the next big thing a few years back.

5. Jaguar will buy YouTube searches for “Fast Cats.”

Translation: The draw of fast cars and Lolcats is undeniable, and we will join in the fun. What's this cat-breading thing we've been hearing about?

6. Jaguar was considering advertising on AMC's hit show Mad Men after Don Draper said over dinner, “You need to take a cold shower after getting out of a Jaguar . . . Jaguar is pornographic.” We thought twice after the most recent episode when Draper test-drove the XKE and indicated “it did nothing for him.” WILL FURTHER CONSIDER if Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce gets the prized car account.

Translation: We were super cool in the 1960s, but all of the drinking and infidelity makes us nervous now. We will re-evaluate the possibility of a Mad Men-themed, airbrushed F-Type with drink cart trailer.

7. Jaguar WILL advertise in Playboy, as our personal analysis indicates that readers read the articles, and the ads, especially for topless cars.

Translation: We like getting Playboy in the office, and this is the only way to expense it.

8. Jaguar WILL advertise on digital-media properties Funny or Die, Gawker and Gizmodo as there is a real chance that this Internet thing is going to catch on.

Translation: Most of our buyers are septuagenarians. We need buyers who don't die in the showrooms, and we hear that this Will Ferrell guy is going to be huge.