Journey to Recovery from Childhood Abuse

Enjoy your holiday weekend!

Just a quick message to say that I hope everyone has a relaxing and enjoyable holiday weekend (well, those of you in the States for Independence Day). I hope the rest of you have an enjoyable weekend whether it is a holiday or not. :0)

I am hanging in there. I am still dealing with lots of triggers but making some progress on what’s going on with me.

I hope you’re enjoying a fabulous long weekend. Here in Calgary, Canada it’s been hot a sunny-finally! I found an article that I thought you’d really be interested in. Maybe an opportunity for you to share you thoughts on. I have been super busy lately and haven’t been on your site in this past month. I miss it. Thanks so much for sharing. I hope your tansition/integration with Annie continues to be positive. Here’s the article link, http://www.publicservice.co.uk/blog_story.asp?id=274

I had a look and left a comment, though I’ve no idea if it will be posted. They’re still grossly underestimating the amount of female-perpetrated abuse. I’m reading through Patricia Pearson’s “When She Was Bad” at the moment, and there’s a fair amount in that about the scale of the problem and how reluctant anyone in authority is to face it. Also, for anyone who hasn’t seen it, this http://tinyurl.com/lczbpo has got loads of stats. I find statistics very comforting!

Thanx for the links! have been looking for some stats as well but couldnt find any…I wish more people would realize that abuse is done not by some obscure monsters but by actual people- including males AND females. society definitely needs a paradigm shift on this topic as well as of after-effects of childhood-abuse.

Glad to see someone talking about this issue, and I agree that it is grossly underreported.

In case anyone is interested, the website “Female-Offenders.com” has a wealth of information. Faith has a link to it on her blogroll (the blogroll is on the bottom right of the page here). The site has a huge bibliography with resources referencing female offenders going back over 100 years.

I am glad I found your blog vial google.
I was thinking about what someone said about forgiveness and about what someone else said about healing and recovery with respect to child abuse… I don’t know what my own triggers are… I was only abused sexually twice, two different times at around the age of 5 and not by my parents but by two different neighbors, however my temptation to hold my parents responsible for not knowing where I was and taking care of me is huge… I appreciate your blog, especially you mantra “I love you, you are safe, I am sorry.” As I said I don’t know what my own triggers are but I have experienced times when I things were going well and I was feeling good and then from within something became very uncomfortable and would seek to sabotage me in anyway it could… there has also been a feeling of rejection… of not fitting in… not having a place in the world… no one really wanting me… being a total nuisance and inconvenience to the world and that I am undeserving… that some how I will never achieve my dreams or goals in life… back to my original thought… someone said that in order to forgive we have to see everything that has happened to us as something that was meant to be in order to serve our highest good… I think this is absurd… I am guessing that this person… who is in a healing profession may have never really experienced anything too traumatic as a child… I believe that the world we live in was given over unwilling to vanity shortly after it fell from its original perfection… and it was done so only in an eternal hope of redemption… forgiveness to me is more about healing and letting go of hurts and the past than it is about seeing everything that comes to us as directly from the hand of G-d as if it was decreed to be so… G-d is love and though G-d allows things to happen it is not the same as G-d ordaining or condoning them… forgiveness is about knowing that G-d forgives us and that only G-d can truly hold our parents or anyone accountable and it is not our place or right to do so… but we do have the right to hurt deeply and to be confused and to wonder and to long for nurture love, safety, healing, consolation and condolence… forgiveness is the ability to have compassion on our abusers because of the fact that what they did to us was rooted in their own experiences with abuse or because they were sick themselves in some way or somehow twisted and yielded to passions that were perverted and twisted, that they were influenced by demons… we must have compassion for in some ways they are more hurting, wounded and confused than the abused… I choose to have compassion on my parents ignorance and foolishness in not knowing where I was and not protecting me… but I reserve the right to deeply resent what they did to me by their negligence in this and other areas of my life… I life with it daily… the pain… the mess…. the disaster that my life has become because they did no parent me properly… I love them, I forgive them even visit with them about every 2 weeks… but it is absurd to think that G-d planned or wanted the things that happened to me to happen… G-d was no doubt there, very present always watching, G-d’s heart bleeding and wounded as I went through some of the things I did… so I forgive but I do not dismiss nor dis-regard the damage….
Someone told me that because I have been abused there can be no healing for me, no real wholeness… that I am hard wired forever to have problems… and at best I might be able to work around this somehow… I too think that this is absurd… that it is just a cop out… I do not believe that it has to be the case… to the one that believes all things are possible… for a time it maybe an issue of dealing with and managing things… however I believe over time or even in an instant it is possible for a person to be made totally whole, healed from all their abuse issues… I believe that it is true whatever I vividly imagine, ardently desire, sincerely believe, and enthusiastically act upon, consistently, with focus, determination and persevering must inevitable come to pass and be mine… I am using prayer, mantras, and EFT atm to move forward and am getting amazing results… I also find that treating myself as best as I possibly can in every area of my life and focusing only on what I truly want is very helpful… I purposefully avoid people and places that I feel will be less than empowering and look to build relationships with people who are vibrating on a higher plane… I am learning to let people own their own behaviors and emotions and realize that their choices have nothing to do with me and everything to with their own beliefs, their own standards and commitments and awareness or lack there of and that it is none of my business… my business is simply to guard my own heart and emotions and to respond in ways that are empowering for me and for my highest good and the by product will always be for theirs as well… I have also found that committing myself to the exercise and nutrition program that truly reflects my dreams and goals about how I want to feel and look physically has been very empowering and some of the greatest insights into my own healing process have surfaced during my 3.2 km run.
No one can truly understand what an abused person has gone through or is going through unless they themselves have been abused… I feel I am getting very close to realizing my dream to be completely whole and even scar free from my past abuses and traumas… this is not even idealistic… I had an operation and an incision was made on my body… 7 years later the scar had disappeared not even a trace of it to be found… I asked my Dr about this and he said this sometimes happens to people… that their scars heal completely… I did nothing special to this scar, it just vanished over time, …I believe that my inner wounds in my heart, mind emotions and trauma stored in my body will all be healed, and released with out a trace of a scar or a problem… others may think this is unrealistic or dumb… but I am committed to it… and to receiving it… to the one that believes all things are possible… and whatsoever one desires when they pray if they believe that they receive they will have whatsoever they desire… it may take a lot of believing and a lot of praying but its coming to me as we speak. Thanks for your blog and sharing with such transparency. I pray that yours and everyone’s life that visits this blog will have their hearts and lives flooded with love, light, healing and perfect wholeness.

Hi Faith
Thanks for the good wishes. I wish I could say I was having a happy weekend but I also am dealing with lots of triggers, pursuing a complaint against my previous T who did more harm than good, struggling with financial, work and life problems which all seem to be taking me away from my healing. There is a core light of positivity in me that’s still on but feels harder to protect it at the moment.
Take care