JEFF EDELSTEIN: The only Arrested Development' story that won't mention the Chicken Dance (but will mention everything else)

This undated publicity photo released by Netflix shows Will Arnett, left, and Jason Bateman in a scene from "Arrested Development," premiering May 26, 2013 on Netflix. (AP Photo/Netflix, Michael Yarish)

No, I’m not some Stan Sitwell-type of millionaire. What I mean is I’m part of the roughly 1 percent of Americans who watched the final four episodes of “Arrested Development” on February 10, 2006, which was a Friday night, airing opposite the opening ceremonies of the Winter Olympics.

But a lot has happened since that cold winter night, and this show — despite ratings that would give anyone a touch of the dizzies— is back. Netflix has resurrected the series and is dropping 15(!) new episodes of the cult classic on Sunday.

Now understand: Fans of “Arrested Development” — and you’re one of them if you’re still reading this column — are a rabid bunch. If there were new episodes to be found only in Portugal, you better believe we’d head down South America way to check them out. We wouldn’t even need a maritime lawyer to navigate those seas.

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But there will be no need for international travels; thankfully, we can just watch the new episodes in the comfort of our own model homes. Or wherever my wife and kids aren’t going to be Sunday evening after I go to some Memorial Day picnic or something. Don’t quite know how I’m going to make it through the day without ditching everyone and watching this thing. I know, I know, family first, but still: It’s going to be tough. Ah, who am I kidding. I’m setting my alarm for 3 a.m., which is precisely the time the episodes will be available on the east coast.

Understand: I love this show. I’ve seen every episode countless times, quote it back and forth with my friends, would even willingly burn myself on a Cornballer if it meant more episodes. Is this a sickness, like TBA? Well, maybe. But who cares. Great show. Possibly the best ever. Can’t believe there’s more of it.

And really, the fact Netflix saw fit to bring it back speaks volumes on how different the entertainment landscape is today. A niche show that routinely finished out of the Nielsen top 100 as little as 7 years ago is now getting a massive media push from a company that used to be — and still is mostly — known for sending DVDs through the mail. You can’t make this stuff up. It’s truly mystifying and a testament to the hardcoreness of the hardcore fans. We kept begging and pleading, and eventually it happened. It’s borderline surreal. Marry me, Netflix!

At this point, with only hours to go before the debut, I know every single “Arrested Development” fan is ready to both A) taste the happy and B) forgive me for turning this column into something more self-referential Barry Zuckerkorn jumping over a shark.

Of course, there is a flip side to this, the Skip’s Scramble if you will (I will) and that’s this: I just hope Mitch Hurwitz and Co. haven’t made a huge mistake. I hope critics aren’t wagging their one-armed selves Monday morning, taunting us fans and saying things like, “and that’s why you don’t bring shows back from the dead.”

But just like frozen bananas or mayoneggs, even when they’re bad, they’re good, and so really: There’s no way these episodes are going to fail us fans. Seems impossible. Better chance of having your hand bit off by a seal.