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Author
Topic: "I don't care, just fuck me!" (Read 33360 times)

Apologies if the thread title is offensive. I'm typing while inhibitions are still low.

So: tonight I get invited to full-scale Iowan "orgy."

I go. I'm prepared with THREE kinds of condoms: latex, polyurethane, and femidoms (female condoms).

About 20 people, most of them barely out of their teens, most of them meth-addled. There was also coke.

To make a long story short, many of these guys wanted to sit on my hardon. I say I'm poz and reach for my condom, and they say, "NO, just fuck me!" This happened, er, many times. I was considered an idiot for putting on my trusty Avanti Durex.

This may be old news to many of you. In theory, it's old news to me too.

But it was not nice, and not fun, being there. Really cute bottom frat boys notwithstanding. Oh SO cute.

If it had been an all-poz bb party that's fine then (I think).

I simply don't know how to carry out a "safer sex" message to this crowd. I'm lost, they have no ears to hear me.

Jay(gin-sodden but not flammable yet)

Edited to add: No comments needed, really; say-la-vee.

« Last Edit: January 26, 2007, 04:51:04 AM by lydgate »

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Her finely-touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible. Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.

Believe it or not I have heard of clubs where guys (mostly young ones) want to become infected. I have a guy here in his early thirtys that has been hitting on me big time. I told him my status but he doesnt care and wants to bareback anyhow. Anyone heard of these club?

Meth and coke. Nuff said. (Which I posted and then edited.) Now I don't know how many would have noticed, but if you had simply and pointedly taken your hard-on and left, that might have said more? Because as long as they are getting 'it,' they are going to show up. The party only ends when the bright lights come on and the voices get really loud and clear. Win

« Last Edit: January 26, 2007, 06:35:40 AM by poet »

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Winthrop Smith has published three collections of poetry: Ghetto: From The First Five; The Weigh-In: Collected Poems; Skin Check: New York Poems. The last was published in December 2006. He has a work-in-progress underway titled Starting Positions.

frustrating though, hey Jay.You get yourself all prepared for slipping on the rubber, and then they say, nah, don't worry about, both tempting and a turn-off at the one time.You know what really pisses me off. if your positive, it racks ya brain and your conscience. If ya don't know your status, you don't care or only see it as what can I catch from them, not what can I give.

That is sad. And these are people just beginning to live. I guess that is the problem. They feel invincible, desired, wanted. Then there is the drugs. Wow, I didn't know this could happen in Iowa. But I guess boys are doin' more than the sheep in the corn.

This may be old news to many of you. In theory, it's old news to me too.

Hi Jay ... Yup, sad stuff for those kids. For all you know, that party could have been an all-poz bb party. sounds like a free-for-all, as in, "nobody cares about status here dude!" i remember going to 1 sex party in Manhattan and going down on a guy (no disclosure to be found of course) and then we had an audience. LOL Hello - I should've known (duh!) but it was a turn off in my book because I'm not an exhibitionist but I think he was an exhibitionist because he didn't suggest we do it in seclusion. That probably would've been better (for me). Oh well, no more parties for this naive prissy boy LOL

When I was a stupid denialist you'd be shocked at how many guys never said one word or asked one question about status. Maybe they were denialists too, who knows. And I'm talking as recently as 2003. Hey, you're talking as recently as 2007! What on earth can we do

Wow can you imagine the funding increase you could have caused at the local ASO...

That would have at least helped 2 potential case workers in finding work...

I hope your selfishness was worth it!!!

On to a serious note though..... How many condoms did you need? Sounds like you were prepared for war!

Ok... no really serious though, it is sad and unfortunately some will probably be joining us here in a short time. Like the others have said this was probably one of the worst scenarios to get the message across, but at least you tried. A+ for effort.

I was one of those guys only a couple of years ago and I think it behooves us as mentors of society, which I would argue as human beings we all are to some degree or another, to find a way to reach these young men before they become infected.

1. “Sexual responsibility is a bit much to expect, don't you think?”

No, I don't.

2. “Meth and coke. Nuff said.”

Maybe it isn't?

3. “Not a teachable moment.”

Even an imbecile can be taught at the most inappropriate times.

I can understand the reluctance to discuss anything with someone in an altered state of conciousness. Hell, I've pooh-poohed guys about their stance on the need for condoms and/or sober sex while I was tweaked to the rafters even. But I also know from seeing others and also myself being on both sides of party/sex fence that it is possible to get through. Even at the most dire times. If nothing else, we can arm them with the knowledge that PEP is out there if they do indeed sober up quickly enough.

Perhaps even guerilla tactics are necessary but it can be done!

I applaud you for your conviction in this situation. It shows great character.

The point, sort of, of my original post: I ain't no saint, I wanted to get my rocks off too. My hardon and I could have walked away but I/we didn't. And I have a liberal (libertarian?) attitude to drugs; as an adult, what you put in your body is your business not mine. And I've been to such gatherings before -- usually no status asked, none declared. But if a guy DID say he was poz, then everyone either stayed away from him, pretty much, or condoms were immediately put on.

I wasn't out to preach. I wasn't in my best "Use a Condom Always" mode (it was an orgy, not a meeting at the local LGBT group). What surprised me was that even after I declared my status, these guys (three of them anyway) didn't seem to care. (When I asked whether they they were poz too, they all said no; I have no reason to believe they were lying, I'm pretty sure they were negative or thought they were.) That was new to me. I thought I'd been around the block, too many times in fact. But that just seems crazy to me (cuz it is). Never too old to discover a new aspect of one's naivete.

Thanks for all your responses.

Jay

Edited to add: Funny how I find it no problem at all to disclose in this kind of situation; the moment I "like" a guy, want to date him, disclosure becomes really really difficult. Undertandable I suppose, but odd.

« Last Edit: January 26, 2007, 12:00:10 PM by lydgate »

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Her finely-touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible. Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.

Her finely-touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible. Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.

Maybe a lot of the guys were also poz. I mean, if they aren't yet, they probably will be with that sort of behavior. I'm sure that's how a lot of us ended up here (BB'ing at orgy parties & being drugged up). You can only do your best to not contribute to infecting them, which you did.

LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safelyin a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT ARIDE!!!

LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safelyin a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT ARIDE!!!

LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safelyin a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT ARIDE!!!

Why have I never been invited to a full-scale Iowan orgy? I feel left out.

Maybe cause your always hosting them in Richmond!

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LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safelyin a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT ARIDE!!!

i'm quite sure this wasn't the boys first time to the rodeo (orgy). As adults we have to take the responsibility to care for ourselves, no one else will. so if that includes putting on a condom. 2 people receive the protection even if one of the individuals didn't asked to be protected. you save yourself from another strain or drug resisetence virus or some other STD or maybe even a law suit from infecting an individual that during the momentary lapse of reason they don't care to protect their own lives.

seriously though....therez just something bout bb sex that really turns some on. itz kinda like a sickness. u could done a little preaching but it wouldnt have made any difference. have u ever checked out bareback.com? i rest my case.

I'll be told I'm wrong, I'm used to it, but I think this behavior was truly awful! There are HUGE consequences to drugs; it's not just your body, but it's a whole community! I've come to the conclusion that we have to say to other gay guys "NO DRUGS"!! None, zero. It is irresponsible not to say so, and loudly. I know it's easier to joke about it. It hurts everybody. I'm harmed by it as much as everybody at the "party" (sic). That's all i'm going to say because i'm so angry reading your post!

LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safelyin a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT ARIDE!!!

I'll be told I'm wrong, I'm used to it, but I think this behavior was truly awful! There are HUGE consequences to drugs; it's not just your body, but it's a whole community! I've come to the conclusion that we have to say to other gay guys "NO DRUGS"!! None, zero. It is irresponsible not to say so, and loudly. I know it's easier to joke about it. It hurts everybody. I'm harmed by it as much as everybody at the "party" (sic). That's all i'm going to say because i'm so angry reading your post!

Before I respond, I would just like to say that I loathe meth and have a major problem with people who do it to excess. I really don't do drugs that much anymore... and when I do, it's something classy like cocaine.

I really dislike this prohibitionist mindset... this way of thinking could be extrapolated to a whole bunch of other behaviors that everyone engages in. It's just because drugs are generally socially unacceptable is it OK to say things like this.

People are gonna put drugs into their bodies... I did it. And it's easy to say "the community is hurt" by it... but where's the evidence? I'm willing to bet those tweakers at the orgy didn't have kids or anyone whose livelihood depended on them... People who do drugs to excess are putting one person and once person only... themselves. Never did the gay community said "ouch" along with me when I shoved a big ol' smack needle in my arm.

Yeah, I caught HIV because of my teensy little drinking problem. Whose problems are they? Mine. Hypothetically speaking, if I didn't know my status, and some drugged up ass caught HIV from me... then whose problem would it be? His.

But "no drugs" is something that will never, ever work. It's easy to say... but really hard to implement. I, for one, have no intention of following that policy... and I speak as someone's who's had drug problems (note the plural, please), gotten my shit back together, and still manage to do coke every three months or so with no real harm done to myself or others.

If those kids wanna do meth and have unprotected sex... bra-effin-vo. Let 'em. It's their right to put whatever they want to in their bodies... and that includes methamphetamine and strange dick. And please don't tell me it's not their right because it's "against the law." How many of us in the US broke sodomy laws before they were repealed while still claiming that buttsex was an inalienable right?

Benj, come to Iowa and I'll "organize" a Full-Scale Iowan Orgy for you. You can be the centerpiece (cuz I know you'd love that, you cutie with a narcissistic straeak ). And since your quote line seems to indicate you're into straight men plenty of closet frat boys with girlfriends to choose from.

« Last Edit: January 26, 2007, 06:16:53 PM by lydgate »

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Her finely-touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible. Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.

Finally, to clarify once more: I was NOT surprised by the drugs. I WAS expecting there to be plenty of unsafe sex. I was NOT going to handout condoms to unwilling listeners. The ONLY thing I WAS surprised by was guys who, supposedly negative, didn't care about a poz dick inside their innards. The end.

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Her finely-touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible. Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.

Benj, come to Iowa and I'll "organize" a Full-Scale Iowan Orgy for you. You can be the centerpiece (cuz I know you'd love that, you cutie with a narcissistic straeak ). And since your quote line seems to indicate you're into straight men plenty of closet frat boys with girlfriends to choose from.

The quote comes from a MadTV thing that Tim had posted earlier. I found it hilarious and thought it best to incorporate it into my life somehow.

And when my new band, Full-Scale Iowan Orgy, comes to Des Moines... come get me... and I'll take you up on your offer.

But did the 'poz dick' even register? Not from what I have heard (but not experience first hand, so this is hearsay). Think of drunks at a bar, trying to offer them something. Do they act as though they have registered what you have offered or said? Usually, in my experience, no. Or, tweaked already, offer them some more drugs. Does that register? Unlikely unless they are coming down and feeling the need. So I guess, hours later, I couldn't assume that much as you were trying to tell them what you had, what they could get if you weren't wearing a condom, etc., is got through. And if it didn't in fact get through, we can't draw conclusions about negative guys wanting or having no problems with hiv. Win

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Winthrop Smith has published three collections of poetry: Ghetto: From The First Five; The Weigh-In: Collected Poems; Skin Check: New York Poems. The last was published in December 2006. He has a work-in-progress underway titled Starting Positions.

Orgy or no orgy, I couldn't sleep at night if I barebacked into anyone who believes they're negative (whether actually true or not), no matter what their state of mind.

Benj, there really isn't much about cocaine that's 'classy'. True enough, you doing drugs alone hurts no one. Although you do help keep a dealer in business, and not all his 'clients' are single gay men. As long as you , or your male friends, or girl friends have no intention of ever bearing a child, and attempting to raise that child in a world with drug addicted parent(s), no problem. It's not only cute young gay men who use drugs. It's a real problem, and causes tremendous problems in our society. Car accidents while under the influence, burglaries/robberies to support such habits, shooting/stabbings over bad drug deals, cops killed by dealers running from them/arresting them. Innocent bystanders caught in that crossfire. Orphaned children because their parents OD'd. There is absolutely nothing glamorous about drugs. I'm sorry you see them that way.

Lydgate, I'm not sure from the posts whether you put the condoms on or didn't, so I"ll refrain from a comment on that.

Orgy or no orgy, I couldn't sleep at night if I barebacked into anyone who believes they're negative (whether actually true or not), no matter what their state of mind.

Benj, there really isn't much about cocaine that's 'classy'. True enough, you doing drugs alone hurts no one. Although you do help keep a dealer in business, and not all his 'clients' are single gay men. As long as you , or your male friends, or girl friends have no intention of ever bearing a child, and attempting to raise that child in a world with drug addicted parent(s), no problem. It's not only cute young gay men who use drugs. It's a real problem, and causes tremendous problems in our society. Car accidents while under the influence, burglaries/robberies to support such habits, shooting/stabbings over bad drug deals, cops killed by dealers running from them/arresting them. Innocent bystanders caught in that crossfire. Orphaned children because their parents OD'd. There is absolutely nothing glamorous about drugs. I'm sorry you see them that way.

Lydgate, I'm not sure from the posts whether you put the condoms on or didn't, so I"ll refrain from a comment on that.

Cheers!!

Paul

But driving a Mercedes is OK? Is that classy?

Keeping the United States beholden to Middle Eastern oil interests is OK?

Polluting the air is OK?

Contributing massively to global warming is OK?

Using and enjoying an automobile, which has been responsible for more deaths and maiming than drugs ever will is OK?

If I choose to ironically think that coke is classy as opposed to meth... I can. And I can state it. That's my opinion... and I don't ask anyone else to share it. It's not like I don't know cocaine is a drug which shouldn't be taken lightly... I used to be addicted to it for Chrissake.

But please don't tell me that I'm "hurting someone" when I choose to buy a gram right before you get in your car and throw countless cubic feet of noxious fumes into the air to go to work or whatever.

It's all about whose bull is being gored. That's my point. No one will ever talk shit about people who drive cars they way they do drug users... even though... at the end of the day... the automobile will end up being responsible for more misery, more damage, and more horror than all the coke users around the world.

Finally, to clarify once more: I was NOT surprised by the drugs. I WAS expecting there to be plenty of unsafe sex. I was NOT going to handout condoms to unwilling listeners. The ONLY thing I WAS surprised by was guys who, supposedly negative, didn't care about a poz dick inside their innards. The end.

ha...sorry lydgate...it's lyrics from "The Music Man"...all the talk about Iowa, I suppose.