Drunk chick #1: Oh my god, it’s sooo cold in here!Drunk chick #2: I know! And I have to pee so bad! This is gonna take so long! There’s, like, an icebox where my twat used to be. There’s an icebox where my twat used to be!

Queer: I am not paying for the appetizer, because it came out at the same time as our entree and it should have come out before.Ghetto waitress: You have to pay for it, because I brought it out.Queer: Well, when you don’t get money for it don’t be alarmed!Ghetto waitress: You’re lucky you even got your food!

White guy: So, you are an artist now?Weird-looking JAP: Yeah.White guy: Weren’t you a musician just a month ago?Weird-looking JAP: Yes.White guy: What the fuck is going on?Weird-looking JAP: I believe in this religion that asks me to experience my life with different professions.White guy: So, what were you before you were a musician?Weird-looking JAP: I was homeless.

Guy: No shit. You’re a psychic? Uh… make a prediction or something.Psychic: It’s going to rain tomorrow.Guy: Wow. So you’re the real deal, huh? Weather straight from the source.Psychic: Well, that, and I check weather dot com.

Hippie chick #1: Wait, so what’s your mother’s excuse for treating you like a maid?Hippie chick #2: She says she’s training me for when I get married.Hippie chick #1: But I thought your mom was a total fembot.Hippie chick #2: She claims to be, but this isn’t her only hypocritical fetish. I mean, the woman drinks nonalcoholic wine.