Kids today, not only do they not know they’re born, but clearly they also haven’t a clue where they were born, given their appalling lack of geographical knowledge. If only there were some kind of technological solution to this knowledge gap…

The survey was carried out by Travelzoo, creators of a new iPad app called Map The World. A spokesman for the firm said: “There are a few children who don’t know the most basic geography.

“Children can get a lot out of knowing more about the world they live in. It will stay with them for the rest of their life.”

We have something of a mixed bag of genderism to unpack in this story from the Express: firstly, the implication that men are less attractive than women, which comes with a whole host of problematic attendant assumptions around the value of looks in one gender or another, and the related value of that particular gender. It’s flattering and helpful to neither men nor women.

Plus, we have the equally insidious suggestion that having an attractive woman on one’s arm is a boost to the self-esteem of men. Clearly this sets up all manner of implications, from the reduction of women to a mere accessory to male ego, all the way to the definition of masculinity being reflected and represented by the attractiveness of partner a man can attract.

In a few short sentences, we’ve some pretty ugly assumptions and unhelpfully genderist messages sent – and to what purpose?

But how do ugly men end up with a beautiful girl who might usually be out of their league?

Well, being funny, a good listener and having nice manners are the key attributes, according to the survey by lookalikes site Celebalike.com.

Forget selfies – it’s all about the ‘BRAGGIE’: One in three upload photos to social networks just to show off

Selfie may have been voted the word of the year, but a new term is set to challenge it in 2014 – the ‘braggie’.

A ‘braggie’ is an image posted to social networks designed purely to show off or make friends jealous, and according to new research one in ten users do this regularly.

The poll also found that 5.4 million people in the UK post these bragging photos within 10 minutes of arriving on holiday, for example, as well as of hotel rooms, in bars and nightclubs and even of their bed.

It’s no longer enough to post photos of yourself on social media – the new media fad is to post photos of yourself in exotic locations, if this report is to be believed – which, given the company who paid for the story, it may not be:

The research was carried out by Hotels.com.

It found 72 per cent of Britons use smartphones to take and share photos when on holiday, with Facebook being the most popular site for showing off.

Given that a hotel website is stressing the importance of being in an exotic location when taking your (shiver) ‘selfie’, it’s fair to say there’s a clear potential for bias here. Side note: I include ‘selfie’ in inverted comments as a mark of disdain, but I draw the line at giving any credence to ‘braggie’.

As for the data, there’s reason to be skeptical there too:

The data was collected by OnePoll from a sample of 2,000 working adults taken between 1 and 4 November.

The figures were then weighted to represent the whole country.

While it may well be the case that Bad PR regulars OnePoll weighted the data to represent the whole country, it’s worth pointing out that without access to the questions that were asked and the options given for people to choose from, it’s impossible to be sure the results which were weighted to represent the country weren’t already flawed. If that was indeed the case, the weighting merely spreads those flaws over a wider area, like covering a stain in the carpet by smudging it over a larger section. The data can still be dirty.

Christmas is coming, and with it the outrageous demands of the nation’s children. £900 for Christmas? I remember when all kids wanted for Christmas was a piece of slate and some chalk, so they could draw hoops and sticks in the days before having a hoop and a stick was commonplace.

OK, admittedly, that isn’t true – but it made the point I was trying to get across, so it doesn’t matter if it’s true. Isn’t that right, company who hired Bad PR regulars OnePoll to create the pseudoresearch behind this Daily Mail article?

A spokesperson for Early Learning Centre, which commissioned the research, said: ‘For many children, putting together their wish list is the start of the Christmas build-up.

‘Many take it very seriously to make sure Father Christmas delivers the exact presents they want.

‘But with the value of children’s gift lists approaching the £1,000 mark, it could mean there are a few disappointed youngsters this year.

I don’t know, journalism was proper journalism when I were a lad. PR types these days, they don’t know they’re born.

Now this story is particularly sad – the decline of conker knowledge. What’s more British than conkers? Other than, you know, an aggressively patronising view of foreigners and an intrusive-yet-inefficient press? Oh, and bowler hats? But beside those three things, the next most British thing is definitely mucking about with horse chestnuts, on string, dipped in vinegar.

It gets worse:

More than 10 per cent of Britons admitted to never having heard of a horse chestnut, maple or even an oak tree.

Really? We’re genuinely expected to believe that 1 in 10 people have never heard of an oak tree? Or is it meant to be that if you take those who haven’t heard of a horse chestnut tree, add to that those who haven’t heard of a maple tree, and then add to that those who haven’t heard of an oak tree, then you get 10% combined? It’s hard to say.

A spokesperson for Sky Rainforest Rescue, which commissioned the research, said: ‘Trees are a central part of our history and our culture in Britain.

‘We are surrounded by trees, whether it’s a few dotted along the street outside our home or all around us when we take long walks in the countryside.

‘But while not all of us can be experts when it comes to trees, it seems there are some people who aren’t familiar with even the most common trees.

This story puts me in something of a tricky position: on the one hand, I don’t usually like to criticise a charity – it’s a tough economic world out there, and I’m sure many charities are suffering, so perhaps it’s not the biggest crime if a charity uses an insulting PR line to grab attention.

On the other hand, I do like to criticise Sky, and I adore pointing out just how ubiquitous and pervasive the methodologically-suspect work of One Poll and 72 Point are in the news – in this case not just the Mail, but the print issue of the Telegraph too.

To see a story as suspect this actually make it onto physical paper might actually be the worst kind of waste of a tree.

Christmas is a great excuse to get coverage for your company – a point which was unintentionally made astoundingly clear in the Daily Star last week, in a story with perhaps the most PR-per-inch of any I’ve ever seen.

740 million pounds is the total cost to British business for the nation’s hangover after Christmas

This claim was taken from a survey conducted in December 2012 by hotel firm Travelodge, presumably proving they can handle large sums (of course, elsewhere in the survey they covered their main talking point – their offer of a free makeover for female guests staying in a Travelodge hotel for a Christmas party).

All things considered, its quite a PR-dense databurst from the Daily Star, and an excellent illustration of the fact that once a story is out there, it bobs back to the surface time and again, sometimes losing the original commercial enterprise attached to it – making it harder and harder to identify as advertising.

Keep your eyes peeled over the next few weeks – this year’s batch are undoubtedly on their way.

Things clearly wind us up – from queue jumping, to celebrities, to rudeness. But do you know what didn’t make it into the list? Film companies hiring Bad PR blog regulars Onepoll to create meaningless pseudoresearch in order to disguise their advertising as ‘news’:

A spokesman for The Wolverine, which commissioned the poll to mark the Blu-ray and digital release of the film, said: ‘Everyone has moments where they get into a bit of a rage, but the majority of the time, it’s over something fairly trivial, as this list shows.

Of course, the good thing about this kind of harmless pseudoresearch is that it can’t have any negative repercussions – such as reinforcing tabloid narratives about ‘benefit scroungers’ (sixth on the list).

It’s worth bearing in mind, too, that this list wasn’t compiled by asking people to name things that annoy them – instead, it was compiled by giving people a list of things a PR company has deemed as annoying, and asking them to put them in order.

Personally, as a member of the Onepoll polling community, had they asked me in an open-ended question what I find most annoying, I know what I would have told them.

With retirement turning out to be something of a let down and a bust, I for one am glad that my generation will die long before they’re allowed to retire – if anything, the financial crisis and the fiscal irresponsibility of those in control have done me a massive favour. I’d hate to be kicking around all day, with nothing to do but relax and enjoy spending time with my loved ones.

Still, it’s not all doom and gloom for those unlucky enough to have past retirement age and thus have been forcibly culled from the workforce like an HR equivalent of Logan’s Run – help is still at hand, in the shape of the building society who commissioned this pseudoresearch via Bad PR regulars OnePoll:

“Retirement is no longer something that just happens at a set age. Increasingly people have options and therefore decisions to make,” said Stacey Stothard of Skipton Building Society, which conducted the study.

‘Exactly what kind of help can this building society offer?’ I hear nobody ask. Well:

Stacey Stothard said: “There are certain things in life that you can’t anticipate or plan for.

“But we all hope to reach retirement age, and based on that alone, we can take steps to plan for that new-found free time – no matter how many years away from retirement we are.

“From thoroughly understanding your personal finances, through to establishing what you actually want to do or achieve in your retirement; considering these key areas can give you much needed direction and drive.”

There we have it – your long, slow descent into the grave can be a pleasure-piste, if you save with Skipton Building Society, says Skipton Building Society.

That’s right, women are so quick to irritation and so outright daft that they’re unable to tell dreams from reality, thus the nation’s love lives are at stake if we’re unable to help our poor womenfolk sleep well. Or, at least, so says a survey by hotel chain Premier Inn:

The survey of 2,000 adults on their dreaming habits, carried out by Premier Inn, found that common bad dreams that women have about their partner include being unfaithful, having a blazing row and even having a secret child.

Premier Inn hired Bad PR regulars OnePoll to create the data to back up their pre-planned headline. So I guess it’s important to make sure we have a nice, comfortable environment to sleep in, after all…

University can teach you a lot more than how to blag an essay and how to make cute girls laugh in the middle of serious lectures (which is, essentially, the main things I learnt at university) – no, instead there’s a wealth of life skills to be absorbed. Such as, presumably, scaring little children – because this story was placed by the PR company hired to promote the release of Disney’s Monsters University:

A spokeswoman for Disney, which conducted the research to mark the release of Disney Pixar’s Monsters University, said: ‘No matter which walk of life you come from, it would seem that university is a great leveller.

It’s true, you can learn all manner of things, no matter what walk of life you’re from – whether you’re a big hairy blue fella, or a littler green guy with only one eye, university life can teach you a lot.