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Monday, 17 December 2012

I poo in my pant so nobody knows what terrorist activities are going in my tummy - Rehman Malik

Exclusive Column of Pakistan's Interior in a leading Pakistan daily

I wasn't aware that Indian media and politician will fuck me so hard just for visiting country's few of Dargahs and Masjids. Guys, but you know we are not easy pigs to get cut down as you want. We have learnt special tricks in the privilege camps on handling the Indian media whenever you visit India.

Thanks to Dear Sir Hafeez Saeed who is our special trainer and it is our proud that he personally gives us training on handling the Indian media which is always running behind Pakistani politician and Indian politicians which are for no reason sings song of peace.

As now I am in Pakistan the most peaceful country for only politicians, I can convey my actual message to the countrymen and few stupid of India. Boss there was only one intention that let me come over to India and that was just to visit few Dargahs and meet some Mullahs, and nothing else. I also came to mock few of interesting that I feel. I don't know why you guys always feel that whenever we come we will discuss on peace making process. Guys! With every peacemaking talk we push some other agenda too. To Indian politicians, I feel you guys are so idi*ts that whenever we Pakistani politicians come to India we can say anything but never that we will give you this or that. We also show that we have all power to say while whenever you guys come to India you commit us that you will give you will give that. Boss, Manmohan, you forgot to tell me when are you giving the Sir Creek to my Pakistani territory. Don't worry my dear lovely Pakistanis. I ensure that whenever any such politician will come to India he will promise us that he would give us Sir Creek, free power and food grains.

By the way Indian media who told you that we hid terrorists. We generally keep them open. Ask Abu Jundal. But whenever it comes to talk about it in the international community we make faces like nothing is hidden.

Guys! Pakistan is a big tummy with digestion problem which either is diseased by loose motions or continuous vomiting. However, we avoid both the things. Indigestion is caused by terrorism in the stomach. But we are so equipped with special training course that we poo in our pants but neither of you guys and nor the international community would come to know that our pants are shitty. Come to Pakistan, visit our villas and watch our pants with dirty colours.

(Special Thanks to ***, leading Pakistan English daily for giving republishing rights to India Satire)

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