She lives in Arizona where it gets so hot, I’ve been told you can fry up a couple dozen eggs and some waffles on your sidewalk and invite your neighbors over for brunch, provided they like you and food that’s been cooked where feet have trodden.

I like my food as far away from feet as possible but nevertheless, we can do the same thing in upstate New York for approximately 72 seconds in late July, once every five years. In fact, we make a party out of it, with balloons and everything. It’s a very fun minute.

Hi Cheryl! ((waving))

Cheryl and I are both bloggers and we also share a mutual distaste for math. When she told me that she had trouble with her daughter’s first grade homework and that it came home in her daughter’s backpack with a big, red TRY AGAIN scribbled on it, I felt compelled to share with her my belief that all high school math should be banned until they replace all the letters with numbers. Who’s bright idea was it to stick the alphabet into a quadratic equation anyway? Math and English don’t mix, especially after forty. Hello? Who invented quadratic equations anyway? Probably a man with a lot of time on his hands who couldn’t leave well enough alone.

I also found out that Cheryl used to be a rodeo queen and that she does a pretty mean electric slide. Alas, I think this the point at which our similarities come to a grinding, screeching halt. We don’t have rodeos around here. We have cows though! Lots and lots of cows. Mooooooo. And the occasional llama. Can you have a rodeo with cows and llamas?

I can do the electric slide though, provided I have lots of liquor beforehand and know absolutely nobody at the wedding. Then I’m all over the floor, shaking what God gave me. For a disturbingly long time.

Cheryl makes the cutest items for little boys and girls and sells them at Turtle Taylor Etsy Shop and I have just one question for you, Cheryl:

WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU YEARS AGO WHEN I NEEDED YOU?

Do you know what this is?

Other than adorable?

It’s Cheryl’s crayon wallet, also known as LIFESAVER to frazzled moms everywhere who can’t find their last nerves because their children are using them for hula hoops.

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It comes with the crayons and the paper already included. And look … each crayon is neatly tucked into its own little sleeping bag.

Can you stand it?

Do you know how many plastic baggies filled with crayons I went through when my kids were younger? About 70,201, give or take a million or so.

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I think Cheryl designed this for the funky mommy. Or aunt. Or godmother. Or granny. Or daddy, lest I be accused of sexism.

I’ve been accused of many things but sexism is nowhere on the list.

Not that there’s an actual list floating around! ANYWHERE. Because there’s not. Lying isn’t on the list either. I’d prove it to you, if there were such a list. But there isn’t, so I can’t. You’ll just have to take my word on it but that’s okay because I’m not a liar because it’s not on the list.

Nevermind.

How nice would it be to bring a crayon wallet to a restaurant and not have to resort to the gross, disgusting, germy crayons the hostess gives you? You know the ones … they’ve been chewed up and gnawed on and drooled all over by five years worth of nose-picking kids whose bodily functions are way grosser than humanly possible?

I’m talking about the crayons, not the hostess. I don’t want to know who’s gnawed on her or about her bodily functions.

You know the crayons I’m talking about? The ones that are stained with what you hope is ketchup and chocolate because the alternative is just too disgusting to contemplate as you furiously scrub them with an entire package of antibacterial wipes? Because your only other option is to decline the gross, disgusting, germy crayons and then sit there and listen to your child entertain the restaurant with his screaming rendition of WHY CAN’T I HAVE GERMY CRAYONS for an hour, right before he clears the entire place with his hysteria induced vomiting.

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I love how Cheryl color coordinates the inside to match the outside.

These crayon wallets would also be perfect for sticking into a “busy bag” for those long drives or airplane rides so your child has something else to play with after mommy keels over from 87 rounds of ARE WE THERE YET?

This would probably be a good time to mention the time in 1996 when we took two year old Zoe to Darien Lake on a beastly hot, sunny day, only to return to the car after eight hours and discover that her crayons, which we thought had been stored in the trunk but had actually been left strewn on the back seat, were busy melting all over the upholstery and impersonating a science experiment gone horribly, horribly wrong.

I’d give you more details but thankfully, the PTSD has erased them from my memory.

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I think this is my favorite thing from Cheryl’s shop. It’s a canvas Trick or Treat bag and can I just get a collective SQUEEEEEEEEE from everyone?

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Thank you.

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SQUEEEEEEE – purple!

No more running around the house at 6:30 p.m., on Halloween night, trying desperately to scrounge up a plastic grocery bag for your little goblin while she stands there with her lower lip quivering because she’s pretty sure she’s going to wind up stuffing hundreds of Milky Ways and KitKats down her pants. Your pillow cases are all dirty and she’s too embarrassed to scream TRICK OR TREAT while holding up a bright yellow ducky Easter basket or her Christmas stocking. And when you finally gasp for air and emerge victorious from the depths of the back seat of your ten year old Honda, triumphantly waving a ripped and stained plastic Wegmans grocery bag, you’re met with a horrified stare and a panicked ARE YOU KIDDING?!? to which you have no choice but to respond IT’S JUST A LITTLE MEAT JUICE. IT WON’T KILL YOU.

Kids. Do they not appreciate anything we do anymore?

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You can avoid that entire scenario with this little one eyed, one horned, flying purple people eater.

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Or this happy little pumpkin.

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Who knows what this is?

Raise your hand!

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It’s one of Cheryl’s diaper wipe case sets. The wipe case is hand painted by Cheryl and it comes with its own color coordinating diaper wipe clutch. The clutch fits the diaper wipe case and 3-4 diapers (not included – she can’t do everything, you know, even if she is a mom.)

No more scrounging around the bottom of your purse after your little darling has a massive blowout, praying that the very last diaper you own did not somehow manage to unfold and permanently wrap itself around your cell phone, only to be bitterly disappointed because God isn’t taking your calls. Extricating the cell phone from the diaper while preventing little fingers and toes from coming into contact with three inches of toxic waste proves impossible and before you can shout SHIT, SHIT, SHIT ON A STICK, your little one has eaten an entire fecal lunch and is now busily crawling onto the expressway and will eventually cause a massive traffic jam on I490, not that you would know any of this, as you have passed out from the sheer grossness of it all.

I’ve been told I have a tendency to be a bit dramatic.

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Peekaboo!

I need to have another baby.

Nate?

Uterus?

Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?

Cheryl personalizes the cases with whatever saying you’d like, maybe your child’s name or “cutie pie” like this one or how about HANDS OFF, BUCKWHEAT. IT’S MINE.

That’s what I would choose. But then again, I’m selfish and dramatic. However, I’ll stop short of peeing on the thing to mark my territory.

She will custom design for whatever occasion you need. And let me tell you, this banner will go over a lot better than the one I have which is ten years old, worn, faded, bent, ripped and requires that I staple it to the wall every year because the sheer weight of a decade’s worth of old scotch tape on the top of each letter has caused it to weigh 25 pounds. And I’m willing to bet that if you had Cheryl’s banner, you won’t have to explain to guests who are tilting their heads, squinching their eyes and muttering “Why does it say “Hippy Bartday?” that cheap, mass-produced banners from Factory Card Outlet are like humans … when they get old, parts get rusty and fall off.

** PLEASE NOTE: The crayon wallets are FLYING off of Cheryl’s shelves because my readers are the best little eager beavers on the face of the planet! She is busy making more and will upload them to her store as soon as possible! I’d yell this at the top of my lungs, but I don’t want to hurt your ears. **

We Interrupt This Post For A Public Service Announcement:

Support Cheryl’s shop and help make the world a better place by preventing the spread of ebola and/or plague from germ infested crayons and barfing kids in restaurants and poopy covered babies playing in traffic.

Thank you.

This has been a message from the Emergency Blogcast System. If this had been a real emergency, hopefully would have gotten the hell out of Dodge.

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The nitty gritty:

To enter, leave a comment in this post and tell me if you have an innie or an outie. I’ll go first … I have an innie. It’s so deep, it echoes. Hellooooooooooooooooooooooo.

For God’s sake, I’m talking about bellybuttons. What are you talking about?

Anyone 18 or older can enter. Bellybuttons are optional but recommended.

Shopping spree expires December 31, 2009

No entries after 9:00 pm eastern time on Sunday, October 25, because that’s when I will be completely immersed in a battle with Nate over the remote. I intend to win, even if it means I superglue the remote inside my bellybutton so he never finds it.

I will use Random.org to choose the winner. Did I just hear everyone yell OH, THANK GOD, WE LOVE RANDOM.ORG SO MUCH? I thought so.

One entry per person. Please don’t drive me bonkers by entering more than once. I promise, your comment will show up, if not immediately then soon thereafter. Just like my mood swings. GOT IT, BUSTER? I LOVE YOU. See? Just like that.

My blog theme Thesis is still messing with my comment numbers. It numbers all the way to up comment #300 and then starts back at #1 again. It’s infuriating but I’m aware of it so go ahead and post your comment and don’t worry if there are duplicate numbers – I’m on top of it!

I have an innie thanks to the pooch I have from childbearing. Don’t take that excuse away from me, even though it was almost 11 years ago that I birthed a baby. And it’s more than a pooch, I know. You are so judgmental. I better win so I can go “squeeeeeee” after all I’ve been through just to enter your giveaway.

ooooooo – yesssss pleassssse, let me join in – please please please! If anyone says no I will squeeeeeel in a very bad way – and I can you know. AND I can make myself sick! What was the question again? Oh yes – an innie – most definately, sure it is, isnt it? Actually, give me a second……(Sound of feet trotting out of the room, furtive rustling….ahhhaa there it is….yep, thought so—–sound of more rustling (triumphant rather than furtive)….feet trotting back into room)…..YEP an Innie! Have a good day – ladies (and gents, I suppose!)… Ruthiex

I’ve got an innie. In fact, I’ve never seen an outie in person. Hmmm… strange, no? And yay for random.org… even though I never win these things. Damn lottery. Still waiting for my mega million jackpot. {Hellloooo? Godddd????? I thought we had a deal.}

Innie. And fluff-free.
My husband’s, on the other hand… I discovered he’d been putting his fluff in the *plant pots*. I found out when he forgot and did it in front of me. In his favour, he bought me flowers today. And he did seem relieved that his secret was out!

First of all, SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! This stuff is so cute, I’ll be extra-disappointed when the Evil Gods of Random.Org pick the person above me or below me instead of me.

Secondly, as I mentioned yesterday, I once had an innie, but my bellybutton hasn’t had a confirmed sighting in ages, thanks to the mass of blubber that now protects my 6 pack. (6 pack of Wegmans’ Cinnamon Streusel Friedcake Donuts, that is.)

Thirdly, we once had an identical crayon-melting situation. Except it was the front passenger seat of my minivan, not the back (also known as the Land of Who Cares? No Adult Ever Rides Back There Anyway). I made people sit on a kitchen towel for three years lest they develop a case of Rainbow Brite across their rear sections, then finally dragged out the steam cleaner all the way into the driveway and got the 3+ year old crayon stain remnants 99% out. Good times.

Lastly, my daughter has an outie. For realz. So, I have seen such a thing and it really exists and it is adorable and alternately invokes the irresistible urge to either tickle, zerbet or smooch it. Not that the bellybutton’s owner appreciates any of those things, mind you. All that’ll get you is a bonk on the noggin and a “Moooooo-ooooooom!!!! QUIT IT OUT!” (as my 6 year old likes to say).

Okay, I know I don’t have to follow your blog to enter the giveaway, but you are hilarious. Count this innie as a new follower. I love the witch shoes trick or treat bag…or the crayon with paper…hard decisions about what to do with the $25!

Well now that I’ve lifted the clothing and layers of skin left behind by my kids, I have verified I have an innie and it’s lint free. It may have been an outtie when I was a child but I have OCD so bad then I would have poked it daily forcing it to be an innie. Or maybe it was just an innie. At any rate, this stuff RAWKS and I need to SQUEEEEEEEEEEE and I need a few of those crayon holders! Oh random.org, please bless ME!

I used to have an innie. But seeing as how I’m 4 months in to gestating my second child, it’s slowly but surely creeping it’s way to being an outie. And I think it’s singing “I’m coming out, I want the world to know, gotta let it show!”

OMG..I live in the same state..boy do I need this for trips in the cars during the winter. hint…don’t ever leave crayons in the cars out here. There is no way to save them..its like the witch from wizard of oz and water.. bye bye..

I’m an innie. And I bet mine is deeper than yours. My husband claims it goes all the way through. Just say’n. And…you have the most hilarious entry rule section of any blog contest I’ve entered. And I enter a lot, so that’s say’n something! HA!

I’m from AZ too! Love that crayon wallet so creative and perfect! It also prevents crayons from being left in the car to melt to the seatbelt so it no longer works – not that I have experience or anything.

I have an innie – and it’s clean. I think. It’s a lot more saggy than it was a few years ago – 2 kids later. That’s on my “list” – get that sag taken care of… ya know. once I lose the baby weight… from my first. Who’s five.

Anyway – I have a clean, misshapen innie!

I also have no patience, so I think I’m going to start shopping at your friends store – now!-

LOVE the crayon wallets, very cute idea!! Ok so i have an innie and i have has an irrational fear of belly buttons since i was about 6 and my grandpa told me that one of his pigs died (he had a farm) b/c it ate too much and its insides came out it’t belly button. OK so i NEVER figured out weather or not he was telling me the truth, but that thought has weighed on my mind since then. My daughter on the other hand has an innie/outie, it’s strange…….

I have an innie, as do all my children. I love the crayon holder I amd forever replacing the crayons(in a baggie). We travel alot between all the kids activities, so I usuall bring a bag of things to entertain the children.

Good morning 🙂 I love all of Cheryl’s products, that you have featured!!! My bellybutton is a little innie 🙂 I have a 9 yr old daughter… and I have a fiance’ that would like to have lots of babies with me, so I am going to be needing all the help I can get!
Thanks, love your blog! teehee, teehee
with love,
~Shirley Hughes

SOOOOO cute!
1. innie all the way!
2. this would be PERFECT for my little sisters
3. restaurants should get these things. crayons always fall off the table when they give kids those little colorbook menus!

I am a 25 year old mother of 3 who used to have a cute little innie bellybutton until having 3 babies changed it! It is still an innie but definately not as cute but totally worth it to have my 3 lil girls! I love ur designs and my 7 year old would love the crayon holders! Thanks!!!

I have an innie. And mine is so deep it echos…or would echo if I could get the rest of that damn belly button lint out.

Anyhoo, I am in love with the crayon carrier. OMG do you know how often I get a crying, screaming Diva because she can’t find that color crayon? The only one she needs to complete her project? Those would be a lifesaver. Although I would likely need about 20 of them.

And the trick or treat bags are gorgeous! I do love the Ladybug wipes case, though we are long past needing them for butts here.

This should have come with a spew announcement! I laughed so hard today. Thank you. It was much needed.
As for the question, innie, nah, try a long tunnel! After having a 10lb 4 oz baby (I’m 5’2!) I don’t think my belly button ends! It’s this long, deep tunnel! LOL!

It’s been so long since I’ve seen my bellybutton I had to go look. It’s still and innie but for some reason after all these years resembles a black hole more than the cute innie it use to be. I can’t even blame the babies anymore because my baby is 30 and has babies of her own. 🙁 I love these little items and have 2 granddaughters that would, too. I guess they really don’t have everything. Thought I took care of that last paycheck. 😉 Thanks for offering. I’m going to Etsy now to bookmark her shop. CUTE!!!

What a hilarious post! Thanks, this was entertaining reading. I have an echo-ey innie too, so deep, in fact, that it never became an outie when I was pregnant. My kids take after hubby’s shallow innie. Anyway, that’s a cute store you highlighted and my kids adore the crayon rolls!

Mom to Zoe and Helena and warm lap to Oliver. I'm short and uptight with freakishly pointy elbows. My thumbs lose all mobility when I laugh and I could live on cheese. If you're insanely bored, click WHO AM I to read more.