I met this guy in a business meeting and he was oddly attractive in his demeanor. He's not my type at all and I don't really date guys (especially in business) but I could tell he was gay because of the really false act he was putting on in front of the rest of the red-blooded macho crowd. I would never ask a guy out on a date really but the interest in him perplexed me a lot. My homosexual encounters generally revolve around longtime gay acquaintances and a mutual understanding that it's just for fun (a gay friend with benefits if you will). Like I said, the guy is attractive to me but I have absolutely no way of further pursuing the attraction and since it is business I'm not sure I'd want to. I tend to date women exclusively though lately I've been turning away a lot of dates for personal reasons. Even though I would never date this man it seems odd to me to actually want to date a man in the first place since my social and sexual interactions are usually accomplished with different parties that for the most part don't know each other at all. I've never really had the 'whole package' -- total physical and emotional attraction to one particular person and here I don't necessarily have it either. I tend to place a much bigger standard on emotional attraction which often leaves me having fun with guy friends while girls try to get my attention but I'm simply not interested (most are immature). For this reason I have a decent string of one night stands and short dating periods with girls despite long and meaningful friendships with both sexes. The whole experience raised this question: is sexuality getting in the way of emotional attraction or is the bar for both simply too high?

I don't think you've set the bar too high; when you finally find it, it is that much more meaningful because you haven't wasted that sentiment on too many others. The "confusion" word being thrown around doesn't fit in; you know you aren't confused. You seem, actually, to be one of the more personally honest posters here. I'd say that the important thing is not to try to overanalyze it; this is what I do/did and it just makes everything a big mess. Trust your feelings/yourself and take a few chances doing something that you might normally do/expect. One's feelings (emotional, physical, etc.) are simultaneously very complicated and bewilderingly simple. I don't think we really need, ideally, to sit and figure them all out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jgold47

you had a crush. It happens. But seriosuly, friendly flirting at work is some of the most fun I have had a work. Also, sometimes you get the 'work wife' which is cool. I met one of my best girlfriends was via work (different companies). We got stuck working on stuff together, always had shows to go to. Its kinda nice cause we have a built in conversation about work stuff.

I agree. Work flirting makes the drudgery go by faster. Unfortunately, I work with ReALLY unattractive people and so there is very little flirting.

I don't think you've set the bar too high; when you finally find it, it is that much more meaningful because you haven't wasted that sentiment on too many others.

I guess I was ignoring the 'wasted sentiment' part. I've been focusing on weightier matters lately and in the end I think this will all pay off, but last night was really twisted some thoughts around between seeing exes, FWBs, and then a million singles at a charity function. I just wanted to talk and watch basketball though.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mafoofan Jr.

All kidding aside, I think styleforum has really turned me off with all these gay/alternative sex life confessions lately. Mods, if you're reading this, can we have a separate forum for these folks? I'm not interested in reading the details....at all.

Sorry, I tried to make it as non-personal and accessible to everyone as possible. I wasn't so much asking for personal advice as I was wondering if there's others who often turn away a lot of prospects. If reading about homosexual encounters over the big wall of the Internet upsets you, I'd really hate to see you interact with people in everyday life.

^I assumed mafoofran jr. was joking, only because I can't imagine it being done seriously. With the 15,000 "dating" questions and confessionals and tittaaaay and look-where-I-stuck-my-dick and dude-grabbed-my-girl's-ass sort of misogynistic ramblings around here, a few threads with HONEST homoerotic subtexts (instead of the blatantly dishonest, yet still very apparent ones elsewhere) should pose no problems. Anyway, why, the "weightier matters" thing is key. I think our work and our projects always need to take center stage above other things. It's nice to have someone, but at the end of the day, you are an individual. If you find the right relationship, they all go together and enrich each other (personal, professional, creative, etc.). Sadly, they are often parasitic and take away from our work, but this doesn't have to be the case. The key is recognizing which is which and going for it when it "clicks."

All kidding aside, I think styleforum has really turned me off with all these gay/alternative sex life confessions lately. Mods, if you're reading this, can we have a separate forum for these folks? I'm not interested in reading the details....at all.

If you've simply neglected to include a smilie here, then nm.
But if this is in earnest, why don't you shut the fuck up.

Exactly. Your situation is not entirely different from mine. It's not that our standards are too high or that you are "confused," it's instead that we are dissatisfied with the "community" out there and what it seems to value, what it suggests, and what it seems to 'require" as admittance. Personally, I like men, but I don't want to sit at a club with guys who are like, "And OMG Dolce Gabbana is SO ugly this season. And WHY is Madonna hanging out with them. UGH!" At the same time, I don't particularly want to go "hunting" and hook up with some random guy I don't know and who probably isn't worth my time. The problem is one overall of finding a "place" within a social discourse that has very little to do with our attractions. It was/is a reactionary discourse that, for me, often leaves me feeling completely out-of-place and unsure where else to go. Do I keep being "picky" and, as such, sitting alone and watching "Howard's End" with a tub of ice cream? OR, do I "adopt" the affectations and become a part of that community. No way. In short, really how do men "go about" actually having a relationship with each other that isn't affected, isn't reactionary, or isn't a parallel/mirror image of straight relationships, only that it is between men? Have you ever read the short interview with Foucault called "Friendship as a Way of Life?" It sets out very briefly the idea of same-sex relationships that are formed in and of themselves, without being just reactions or stereotypes. Short answer is that your standards aren't too high; it's that your standards (and mine and lots of other guys) just don't have a "place" in the conceptual make up of society that hasn't really had time to include them in its rules of formation.