10 Headlines You Won't Read After Obama's Press Conference

Once again, President Barack Obama will be
addressing the nation live in primetime tonight, talking about
the economy, of course. We already know that one message he'll
give is that "America Will Recover". Here are 10 headlines you
won't be reading tonight:

Obama To America: Whoops! I Made Things Worse

Obama:Turns Out We Won't Recover, Sorry

Obama To America: We're Screwed, Really

Obama: Actually, We Forgot To Add A Zero At The End of the Debt
total, But It Was Tim Geithner's Fault

Obama: Yes, I do Hate Capitalism

Obama: All Your 401(k)s Are Going To Zero HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Obama: I Wasn't Born In America, But I Love It Anyway!

Obama: Screw China, Hell No We We Aren't Going To Pay Them Back

Obama: It's A Great Time To Buy American Stocks, But Stay Hedged
By Buying Long-Dated Puts!