Who knows how to get a teen off the couch?

I left a two-sided list for my daughters this morning, frustrated with the state of my house yesterday after their first full day home this summer. They do have various activities beginning at the end of this week, but for now they’re sitting around. And when I say sitting around, I mean not leaving the couch except to have a snack and absentmindedly leave their plate out on the counter.

They didn’t notice the newspapers piled on the kitchen table or the full sink or the unemptied garbage cans or the paper towel the dog chewed up and spit out on the kitchen rug. I should add, they will do anything I ask of them if I put it in list form. But I’m hoping at some point they will learn to see these things themselves. Right?

So, beyond leaving a list, what tips do you have for getting teens to do their part this summer?

Our neighbors instituted a “Swap Week” at their house. The kids (12 and 14) had to meal plan and will cook all the meals and do all the chores. Each night they making a list of what will/need to be done the next day. I think it’s a great idea, if anything else, to make them appreciate all the work their parents do.

Unfortunately, I spent nearly an entire summer alone, but I guess I’d have to say (now) it was by choice. Keep in mind, this was a LONG time ago. I sat on a couch for over two months. Friends were into hanging out at cemeteries and other such “enthralling” stuff. Looking back, I’d say I fell into a depression. What can you do if you are at work all day? Not much. Try to convince the kid to get a job before he or she gains 20 pounds. Try to plan weekend trips, if possible–anything to give the kid something to look forward to. Some kids have higher standards than just hanging around on streets and making pests of themselves. Comfort of home – not such a bad thing! PS Is there a day trip you can drive them to, i.e., Lake George for 6-7 hours?

get them babysitting gigs, contact your local camp to see if they can be counselors in training, if you don’t have a pool then find a way to let them go to the pool, go to the library for movie events, book events, etc., have them clean their closets and give their clothes to Plato’s Closet for cash, have them volunteer at a soup kitchen, answering phones at a church/temple, at the Boys and Girls Club, cleaning a park, etc.

As soon as I was old enough my parents forced me to get a job. They didn’t make me pay for anything but I had money put away by the end of the year. It also taught me to pick up after myself. They should get a job close to home so they can walk or take a bus to get there so you don’t have one more thing to worry about such as driving them. That also teaches the kids to fend for themselves so they don’t have to rely on you for everything. To this day I don’t think my sister even knows how to take a bus. The strict rules didn’t happen till it came to me. LOL. This way he/she will not be sitting around all the time with nothing to do. I went to sports camps during the summer as well as work a job. It will teach them to balance different priorities and keep them from having the time to mess up the house.
If you kid isn’t old enough to have a job then I guess you are just stuck with making lists and hounding.

If I left my kids a list they’d eat the list. They’ll get bored watching TV and they’ll finally get up and do what they know needs to get done. They’ll throw a load of laundry in and do the dishes, maybe run the vacuum but if I left them a list they won’t do a thing. Something about a list that makes it sound like I’m being a dictator.

My mother walked us through the house one evening, said “look at the way this looks now”. If it isn’t like this when I come home every evening, you will stop what you are doing and start the work immeditaely. There will be no dinner and no bed until the house looks like this again.”
Obviously, if we were in the middle of cooking, or something else important, there was an exception, provided that we cleaned up afterwards. It only took one time of being dragged out of bed at midnight when she got home to empty the dishwasher to change our behaviors. And the best part of that is that we becasme responsible for recognizing what needed to be done, instead of having to rely on her to do that.

I used to take remote to work with me. Limited some watching. I’d call when I left office so that at least had some warning. And they were responsible for dinner certain nights of the week – and still doing that with 21 year old son home from college this summer.

They would have a Daily List – empty dishwaster, fresh water for animals, open windows, get dressed, etc. – that had to be done DAILY. Then “extras” as I needed things done – vacuum, mow lawn, clean bathroom, etc.

Most people – especially kids and men IMHO – will do as little cleaning as necessary to make their lives tolerable. Unless there is something in it for them, like they have visitors coming over or someone makes their lives really unpleasant (such as being dragged out of bed at midnight, a la Maggie’s mom), they seem to feel that cleaning isn’t their problem.

So unless you make it clear that “If Momma ain’t happy, nobody’s going to be happy”, they will ignore any cleaning that isn’t directly in their way or benefit to them. You have to make it worth their while to see beyond the end of their own noses.

Wow-wish that I had those ideas back when(Hint to Emalie!) Love the taking of the almighty remote and that can also work with husbands,one presumes? And,the idea of waking them or withholding their wants/outings/plans if there is not a reasonable amount of order each day sounds good too. Do they have reading lists or any coursework scheduled-son would have both due to his overloaded academic schedule and he would always leave it until late August. Start those lists now and report to you or their dad each night at dinner,after they make the dinner? Good luck-keep us posted as to any successes.

Too bad you are not like my mother, she would drive you so nuts if the house was a mess or if you were lazy that we would never dare doing what your children did. It was so bad we both got jobs at age 15 so that we were not home during the day to deal with her. Looking back on it, she is a very smart person

And I thought it was only boys who needed things spelled out for them! If it makes you feel any better I left the house yesterday at 11:45 for a meeting and my son was STILL not up when I returned at 2:30! I feel that he works so incredibly hard during the school year that a little down time is not a sin.

Oops – lost my comment.
I thought it was just boys who needed things spelled out for them. If it makes you feel any better, I left the house yesterday at 11:45 for a meeting and my son was STILL asleep when I returned at 2:30! He got up shortly and emptied the dishwasher, per my note. I do see how hard he works during the school year and feel that having some down time in the summer is not a sin

“Most people – especially kids and men IMHO – will do as little cleaning as necessary to make their lives tolerable.” if thats not discriminative, i dont know what is, i started doing choirs at age 7, not cuz i was told to but i felt that my single mother, needed help… that simple, laziness starts in the genes.. dont blame the kids blame yourself for not instilling values and respect of personal property…

If your kids DO do chores with a list, then don’t sweat it. Just make sure you leave a list. I think it may not be likely that they will “see the things that need to be done” until they have a place of their own – and even then, for some people, only if you point it out to them. Lots of grownups happily pitch in when told what to do, but can’t see the mess if it’s staring them in the face.

Another poster’s idea of walking them around the house and telling them it needs to look like this when you return sounds good. But I’m guessing maybe you want it to look even better when you return?? That’s what I would really like, and I told my kid it was a condition of her staying home this summer, but what needs to be done still has to be spelled out. Heck, the mess in my house is overwhelming to me, and I have to break it down into small steps!

Oh, and there’s nothing wrong with a week of doing nothing once school gets out. I think the teen years were some of the most stressful of my life, and a little down time can help.

If they can get a job, great, but I would be careful of telling them they HAVE to get a job these days. I know plenty of 20-somethings who are looking for anything they can get, and are having no luck. Even jobs as camp counselors have a lot of competition because experienced folks out of college are taking those jobs.

As for volunteering, make sure you discuss this with the place you want to send them first and make sure you are providing the agency with help they really need and want. A lot of parents use volunteering as a way to keep kids busy. As someone who has supervised volunteers a lot, I know this is no help to the place that is getting the volunteers, and is sometimes a hindrance. (Don’t even ask me what I think about this new trend requiring mandatory community service to graduate from high school!) Also, a lot of places now require applications and background checks for volunteers as well as a firm commitment for a number of months. (It costs places money to train volunteers, so they want to make sure the volunteers will be there a while), so keep that in mind.

I was raised to be expected to have my chore done by 5 pm or at least before mom and dad came home from work during the school year and summer. I even had chores when I got a job in high school. I’ve tried hard to implement the same plan in my house especially since we are a one parent home. The kids rarely do the job to “mom” level, but I am ok with it as long as definite effort has been given. When times are rebellious and no one feels like the house is as important as the TV or video game, I reprogram the TV to not accept commands by manual input without the password and then take the remote. Then, I change the channel to PBS or the religious station. They generally don’t want to watch that. I also lock out their access on the computer and cell phone. Evil? Perhaps, but I like to think that everyone needs to contribute to the household and watching 10 straight hours of Vampire Diaries on Netflix isn’t much of a contribution.