6 Things Divorce Lawyers Will Never Tell You (Part 3)

Being aggressive accomplishes nothing

TV shows, movies, and books have created the illusion that it is ideal to hire an aggressive lawyer. You do need to hire an attorney who is confident and assertive about asking for what you need, but being aggressive—refusing to back down on the smallest detail and bullying people—helps no one.

In many divorces, the opposing lawyers send vicious letters back and forth to document that a client is unhappy with a proposed decision or to threaten that action if the spouse and his or her lawyer don’t give in on a certain detail.

This is all simply posturing, and it accomplishes nothing. What many people don’t realize is that the spouses and their attorneys are the only people who will ever see those letters. The judges won’t see them, so they will have no influence on his or her decision. People can make as many allegations, accusations or threats as they want, but it won’t get them anywhere. They are simply squandering money on legal costs.

Plus, judges and other attorneys dislike aggressive lawyers, so their obnoxious antics are not helpful in negotiating or communicating about a case. Hiring a highly professional attorney who is well respected and gets along with people will benefit you more than hiring a lawyer who yells at the opposing counsel and judge debates minor details endlessly or obstructs depositions, just for the sake of winning. Aggressive lawyers increase your legal fees, minimize the chances for cooperation between spouses and make the process more hurtful to children involved in the divorce.