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I warn you know, only read this if you can handle a lot, and I mean a lot of writing

Well I guess you could say I've got my freedom back,I managed to get all of my coursework in, even if I did do three straight all nighters in a row to get it all done and was working after having roughly about 5 hours sleep in 6 days, so still kinda recovering from all that I guess. But yeah, no sooner have I given my art and photography coursework in, I get given the exam papers straight away and told to start work on them, got my 15hour photography exam March, and my 15hours Art exam in May.. so I guess I'll be working on that for the next three months. All I can say though, is the choices for both my exams, are shit.. Photography is proving to be the worst at the moment, as I have chosen 'Self Image' for my art Yay.. Self portraits Couldn't think of anything better but I hope, that this will be a way for me to open up more, and to help me see the positive things about me, and not just the negative Hmm I think I will need some help with the positive category. Not to mention my graphics deadline on February 24th.. Unfortunately I have to have all 45? I think it's 45.. Hetaia characters completely drawn out with each step as to how I drew them.. and I think I only have 7 so far.. Why did I choose to make a Hetalia drawing guide.. I couldn't have chosen something simple, could I.. no, no I couldn't.. ¬¬

Even though I am now finally allowed to leave the dining room table, and actually go on the internet and talk to my friends, a part of me doesn't want to. It's so stupid, because I missed being able to talk to my friends properly when I was working, Alex, Jess.. I know we had a few sneaky conversations via text and phone call.. Which is the reason I went £30 over my phone bill this month, my brother was not happy since he pays the bill.. But getting back to the matter in hand, I missed them so much, that now I am back online, I feel like I can't talk to them, and again, part of me doesn't want too.. I finally managed to sign into facebook yesterday or the day before, and it just made me sad, seeing all my friends name, it just made me tear up and it's just so stupid.. And I don't even dare sign in on Skype, because that'll just make me cry.. I guess you could say it's like I'm trying to avoid my friends, I just don't feel like talking to anyone right now, I mean, I'll talk to Alex, I think I'd go mad if I didn't, but apart from her, I guess I'm just scared of talking to everyone else.

So yeah, I guess, I won't really be online that much, not for a while anyway, right now everything is just making me so sad, I will randomly come online to upload any other pieces of work I do, see if anything interesting is going on, reply to my massages, thank people for faving my work.. I think I've got about 1000+ feedback and activity messages to reply to, why do I reply to them all you may ask..? Because I believe it shows that I have taken the time to thank everyone, it may sound crazy, but it's something I believe in and will continue to do and so on so fourth. Also, I think I need to take a couple of days to just sit down and get all my commissions and requests completed, because I think I have started each one, and almost finished a couple, but with everything that's been going on, I just haven't had the time to get them finished and uploaded, so I'm really sorry to everyone for that, and believe me, I hate myself for it.

Since finishing my coursework and I now don't seem to like the internet that much, something quite scary has happened to me, and it's all because of a book, all because I read one. I have been trying to avoid reading my whole life, and trust me, it never something I enjoyed, but the strangest of things happened to me today, actually yesterday now I look at the time, I picked up a book.. Granted it's one I've been trying to read for about two years. I opened the first page, having decided to start the book again since I had lost my page, and I read the entire thing Never before in my life have I read an entire book in one day.. actually I don't know if I've ever finished a proper book like that, but the scariest thing was, was when I looked over to my mum and told her that I really enjoyed reading that book I. Enjoyed. Reading. I NEVER thought I would hear those words from my mouth.. But I have already made a list of the next five books I plan on reading, and already started on the first one on the list. So, if you have any suggestions to what I could read, please feel free to leave any suggestions, when it comes to books, I have no idea what is out there I feel so ashamed.

And now for the thank yous To ~PrinceLuigii10, you have been really supportive for me during our wonderfully boring Finance lessons together, and you always finds a way to make them more enjoyable, I don't know if it's your jaffa cake obsession, or how you seem to know when I need a hug.. or well just by being there.. I think all of them, but either way, thank you so much, and especially for helping me out when I practically broke down during Tuesday's Finance, I just hope I can be there for you, like you have me.

To Nichole, she isn't on here.. Typical, but I'll thank her in person when I next see her, but again, she is always making me laugh during Finance, making it all that much better. Me and Nichole have a habit of emailing each other during our Finance lessons and talking to each other that way instead of actually talking directly to one another even though she sits right in front of me and always turns round to sit at mine and Jenna's table anyway.. What's p with that XD But yeah, thank you Nichole, you'll always be my New York buddy!

To ~ssejery, thank you for all your wonderful texts, and actually taking the time to think of me and start a conversation with me, during the past couple of weeks and well actually all the time you've texted me, seeing a message from you brings a smile to my face, even if you are starting to call me Rhi Rhi ¬¬ But thank you, I know I should probably try texting you a lot more, and starting a conversation with you, but does it sound stupid that I never know what to say..??? I don't know, I'll try and do better, I promise. But yeah, anything from you and Alex always make me smile <3

To ~YuAru, thank you for always lightening the mood and well making me feel better, the strange thing is, I don't even know if you realise that you do it. You're always such a laugh, and it's wonderful to spend time with you, whenever we can.. I know you avoid us. Also thank you for the wonderful conversations about your foot, that is always a beautiful subject to start talking about, and I'm loving all the sights I get to see when you open the door to me in the mornings XD It's just a shame I don't think I'll get to see them Monday because of all the snow.. Damn that's sad.

But above all, the biggest thank you I owe, is to my bestest friend ~Mello-Chaan. A lot has been happening in the past couple of weeks, some things I'd rather not say, without you Alex, I honestly don't know what I would have done, well, I'd probably be in an even bigger state than what I already am. But thank you so much for helping me out with everything, I know I'm a pain in the arse and well, frankly I know I hate listening to your ideas and stuff, especially when I know you are right, you must really want to hit me at times.. Can't blame you really.. but I don't know what I would have done without you these past few weeks.. Who am I kidding, I don't know what I what I would have done without you for the past.. 8 years I think it is now.. I am so lucky to have met you all those years ago, just please promise me that no matter what happens, you'll always be my best friend.. that no matter where we bugger off too or no matter where our lives lead us, should it be.. I don't know, apart in two separate countries and not the 5 minute drive it is now, you married and me.. Well being a single middle aged woman who takes a liking to cats and starts going mad like my mad auntie Margaret.. Oh god that's a scary thought or even us racing each other in our wheelchairs in our retirement homes one day, just please promise that we will always be best friends, that we'll always make the effort to stay in contact after we finish school in May, because I know I make that promise, because truthfully.. I don't know what I would do without you..

Now what's funny about all this, is that I don't know if any of the people I have thanked, will take the time to read this journal, let alone all of it, because frankly, there is quite a lot of writing here.. Sorry, I just lost myself and somehow managed to type loads, and the fact that I'm not tired and can't sleep, oh wow look at the time.. 5.06am.. Sorry Alex, I know you told me to get some early nights, but well.. yeah, I haven't been getting any. I'm sure I've forgotten some people, but right now, I couldn't give a damn, it's far too early in the morning, to be honest I'm surprised I remembered and typed all that.

So yeah, I'm probably going to watch the snow outside a little more, and then I might consider watching a film or something, who knows, I might fall asleep as I'm watching it. So, see you later, I'll be on and off every now and then until I start feeling like my old self again, I will be uploading commissions and requests very soon and replying to everyone's messages, I will get my feedback and activity messages down to zero one day!!!

Hope you had a nice time on Sunday wITHOUT ME. I hope you missed me. Please for once in your life sister, say you were strangely Zuko-depraved. And that it depressed you slightly.Ahahaha~ Oh well you had me Saturday.

nO REALLY, hope you had a good time and that you aren't in too much pain. (You're probably dead fahahaha)