Adventures in vegan eats and feats

Welcome to the second #TBT of the 29 days of rice series! Today’s treat is the delicious baked rice rolls I made a while back. Baked anything is always a bit hit with my tastebuds, but these rolls combine two of my favourites: wonderful broccoli and sun-dried tomatoes. Some dishes, I must admit, are 100% for my own pleasure, because those are two things Man-thing isn’t crazy about. I figure that on days that I spoil myself with single-serving dishes he can still survive til another day where I make food that is only to his taste (i.e. anything with masses of sugar in it). In general I prefer sharing, but when it comes to broccoli my agenda becomes skewed :pAlas, since making my first rice paper rolls I’ve discovered broccoli and I can no longer be firm friends, so next time I’ll replace it with some delicious grated carrot or so. Still, it doesn’t detract from the fact that this is a super enjoyable and fun dish to make and munch!

Today has been the most hectic day by far, so thank goodness for #TBT! I met with people today to install a motor for our gate, the painter is still jazzing up our insides, and the lady who cleans for us once a week – what a crazy time! Even the most perfect house can never just be waltzed into – we have a lot more fiddly stuff to do before we can move in, but I’m SUPER excited for Saturday!

I also can’t wait to be settled so that I can test out baked rice paper rolls again…dessert style!

Anyway, I saw a link yesterday on twitter that I just have to share, because it really spoke to me on so many levels. Andie discusses taking up space and acting small in her thought-provoking post. As someone who was once huge, I did a lot to ensure that I didn’t bother anymore more than I needed to, or tried to be as super polite and accommodating as possible to get people to see past the fat. Most people will try and pretend that they don’t care if someone is big, but that’s hardly true of everyone.

I’m not sure whether it’s because I’m more inclined to smile or whether I actively put out a vibe that I don’t bite, but people seem much friendlier now than they ever did when I was big. I don’t deny the confidence to stand in front of a lecture hall full of students or a seminar room full of visiting academics would never have existed before losing weight, and I think people pick up on whether you feel uncomfortable just existing. These days, people don’t look past me in group conversations but actually make eye contact and respond to my questions or comments, but that might simply be because I’m making eye contact and offering opinions. They will be helpful and go out of their way for me, but maybe that’s because I’m not not afraid to ask.

I shared the link with Man-thing, even though he’s not a former obese woman, because he and I share this quality of acting small, and it’s sometimes difficult in a partnership where both people are too shy or reluctant to pipe up. Confidence is something that needs to be worked hard at; it doesn’t just appear with a change in appearance, or kick in after a certain age without some thought or willpower. I trained myself very hard to be small in personality, because there are always ways to carve even deeper into the ground, but now it seems like I’ve done myself a huge disservice, because I closed myself off to so many experiences and possible joy by limiting how much time I asked of other people, or how much space I could afford to take.

It’s also made me a very narrow, rule-focused person; if I follow the rules then no-one will find me at fault! Except, being obese does make you at fault to others – again, I know many people will claim otherwise, but there is fierce judgement from perfect strangers, and despite what one may think, it never, ever goes unnoticed.

Either way, my new goal is not to be invisible, most of all to myself. To work on standing up for myself, but not standing in the way of others. I was very conscious of being small all the time, so I know that I need to be conscious of also presenting myself to the world and presenting the world to myself, because it’s a real gift to finally interact with everything and everyone without feeling like my huge self is getting in the way.

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Ahoy, I’m Margaux! History teacher and freelance editor; wench to my Man-thing; volunteer at a cat shelter; and handmaiden to our kitsy cats, Gatsby, Freyja and Atlas. This blog is dedicated to vegan food, occasionally overthrown by pictures of foster kittens and other fluffy creatures. I love sharing ideas and recipes, so don't be shy: stop by and say hi!