How To Know If You're Finally Over Your Ex, According To 10 People Who've Been There

Getting over someone you have feelings for is hard, but getting over an ex — especially one who meant a lot to you — can feel impossible. One time it took me two years (years!) to get over a summer love. I was so attached that I couldn’t let go, no matter what I tried. If that’s what you’re going through now, I’m so sorry. But getting over someone is possible, and if you’re currently in the process, wondering how to know if you’re finally over your ex is totally normal.

How long it takes to get over someone, what to do to get your mind off them, and why they even broke up with you in the first place are all normal things to wonder, but it’s important to remember that every relationship (and subsequently, every breakup) is different. What worked for one person might not work for you, and vice versa. Everyone’s recovery period is different, and if yours takes a little longer than your best friend’s, that’s OK. You’re not wrong for crying, or for pining, or for constantly thinking about them every hour of everyday. In fact, I’d say that not being upset after someone breaks your heart is rare. Feelings are normal, and you should let yourself feel whatever you need to feel in order to heal.

I mean, I get it. It takes a while. One day you could be planning a wedding to someone and then, fast forward a year and you’re crying on your bedroom floor, devouring a pint of Chunky Monkey while watching 10 Things I Hate About You on repeat because your relationship ended. (I’ve done this, I stand by it, no shame.) But the thing is, it passes. Several months later you could still be devouring a pint of Chunky Monkey, but instead you’re watching The Office now and you’re not crying, somehow. And some time even later you could be watching The Office under the arm of another partner, and realize that you haven’t thought about your ex in forever, and wow, you did it. You're over them, and it feels amazing, and you’re so happy.

So if you’re wondering when that’s going to happen for you, or why you’re still hurt when it’s been forever, don’t freak out, and remember what the people of Reddithad to say about their respective breakup recovery periods. You’re doing just fine — remember that.

Some people knew they were over it after realizing they were better off.

I agreed to have drinks with him a couple years after the split and realized what a sad, man-child he truly was. He remained stagnant during our two years apart, while my life flourished. I realized he only served to hold me back and that is why the world saw fit to break us apart.

I realized that I had let myself become defined by the relationship. I couldn't find any pictures of myself anywhere from the past year that weren't with her. So now I can actually be on my own and become my own person. And you know what? IT F*****G ROCKS

For others, it just took time.

When I was genuinely happy for him when he told me he had met a girl that was absolutely perfect for him. We were completely different people who wanted completely different things in life. They were a perfect match.

And some just needed a (sometimes harsh) wake-up call.

When I rebounded with him after a brief break-up with my current boyfriend. It felt nothing like the way it used to because I was still so in love with my boyfriend and all I wanted was to be back with him. It was truly a surreal feeling because I had loved my ex for YEARS even before we dated and for me to suddenly feel nothing for him showed me how truly over it I was.

At the end of the day, what's most important is that you do things at your own pace, and that you heal the way that feels best for you. Whether that means going out with your friends or eating all the Chunky Monkey at the grocery store by yourself, everyone has their own process. Own yours, sit in it for as long as you need, and when you're ready, get back out there. You can do it!