there's something i love about having candles lit at nightime and writing. it inspires me, i don't know if that's because it's supposed to. but it does.

i've found that if you fill your room with little trinkets that feel like home to you, that make you comfortable in your surroundings, whether it be a unique vase, or pictures of friends, or just a cozy blanket... they kind of make you feel like your space is occupied, so you feel just a little less alone. i'm aware that might sound crazy--but really, i think it's true.

i stay up entirely too late. it's when things come to me though. it's the only time i am able to put my crazy thoughts in words good enough to keep. and sometimes, not even that.

wouldn't the world be a little different if we just did exactly what we felt? some people do i guess. i don't. sometimes i wish i could do that. well, i could. sometimes i wish i would do that. i've become much better at speaking my mind though--both regarding the way i feel about things and the way i want things done. that's something i can say i've definitely improved on.

can't believe we're already like 10% through the new year... seriously, where does time go? i still have to think about it when i write down my age... sometimes i guess i just don't feel 24.

they had my cousin's story on a & e tonight. it was a long time ago, almost 2 years, but i'm honestly sick of bad things happening to good people. i have a hard time justfiying that. i need some answers. i want to know why babies die and murderers live...you know? it's something i struggle with everyday--not that exact scenerio, but you get what i'm saying. i'm not one that does good with "just because." or "that's the way it is." why? i need to know why.

do you ever feel like you're going to be alone for the rest of your life? i do. it's a scary thing to think about. that could be a really, really, long time from now. i guess you have to know that you can make it on your own, without wanting to still--does that make sense?

and i guess you never know. but the possibility...scary.i get bored way too easily to spend the rest of my life alone. :)

Monday, February 06, 2006

konah introduced me to this website, which i just absolutely love. it's called storypeople. they are just story excerpts, but summmed up perfectly--even if they're mid-phrase. they all make sense to me in a bizarre way. i just adore them. here are some of my favorite things i found on there...

"the exact moment of night & it's the kind of thing you remember for years afterwards he just happened to glance up at the right time "

"In the end, I think that I will like that we were sitting on the bed, talking & wondering where the time had gone. "

"I moved a lot when I was young & I still ache a bit at the thought of all those autumns in new & unfamiliar landscapes. "

"Just because they die, she said, doesn't mean they go away. "

"This only weighs a lot if you've forgotten to do the stuff you wanted to do all along."

"You're the strangest person I ever met, she said & I said you too & we decided we'd know each other a long time. "

"She said she usually cried at least once each day not because she was sad, but because the world was so beautiful & life was so short. "

"I've always liked the time before dawn because there's no one around to remind me who I'm supposed to be, so it's easier to remember who I am "---and thanks konah, for the best compliment i've received in a long time today."you're such a great person... you never stop thinking about other people." she told me. and you know, i think you try to be the best person you can, but it really only takes one person, or a few people, to shoot you right back down. that's something that will stick with me for a lifetime, though, and will make me strive to always be a better person. thanks for cheering me up all weekend konah... and everybody.lindseys, "you make my life worthwhile"anne's "you make it worthwhile for me too, i love you."kelly's "you've always been one of my favorite people, amy."iss' "hang in there a."i love you guys.and as for all this other stuff, it doesn't matter when i have such amazing, dedicated friends. i know we will know each other for such a long time, i couldn't ask for more.