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Thursday, December 31, 2015

I try not to make resolutions anymore. I always fail at resolutions. Doesn't everyone, mostly? Otherwise I'm battin' zero over here alone, which is a pretty depressing though.

What I've started doing instead is setting intentions, something I try to do every day but take the opportunity to formalize at the start of the new year (if you count "writing it down on paper in an actual bulleted list" as formalization).

I recently purchased a copy of Moorea Seal's 52 Lists Project, a journal of weekly list-writing prompts for a full year. Of course, I first wrote my list in my personal journal before remembering that I'd just gotten the beautiful 52 Lists book in the mail yesterday, so the image you see below is my first take at 2016 intentions. I did a better, fancier, more drawn-out job in my official list-making journal, which comes complete with beautiful illustrations that make the lists feel every more official.

I am very organized, or something. (That's always one of my intentions, too. See how well I start out?)

Whatever 2016 brings - for you, for me, for all of us - I hope it's great. Let a new year of adventures begin.

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

At the end of 2014, I welcomed 2015 to top it. Despite a bit of a rocky start, I had a damn good 2014, & I just didn't think 2015 could be any better - but it was. It is. It has been. And frankly, that makes me nervous for whatever 2016 has in store, because surely my luck can't be everlasting, right?

OK, OK, I can't think about that right now. Instead, I'm looking back on a truly incredible year & looking forward to what I hope will be much of the same.

* * *

I rang in 2015 by driving to central Virginia with four friends (who are more like family) to see the tenth anniversary show of Mae's "Everglow" album. Bonus? We got not one but two shows when we were ushered into an intimate, private VIP screening before the main event.

I spent nearly 10 days in New York City, working from my office & staying with one of my best friends & catching up with my cousin. And then my flight was canceled for an impending, historic blizzard, so I got stuck for another two days. It barely snowed.

I made a trip to Cleveland, TN, to visit my childhood best friend & her husband & their old-man dog for a little bit of relaxation & exploration. We did a day in Chattanooga, where I was surprised to discover how charmed this Yankee was by a little corner of the south!

I visited Nashville in celebration of a friend's bachelorette party, where we stayed in an incredible AirBnB rental, toured a local brewery, & got our dance on at a honky-tonk bar. We left early at the threat of frost, but not before enjoying a busker's live music at the airport with some of my favorite ladies.

I went on a few dates with a cute barista at my favorite Starbucks, & it ended spectacularly & terrifyingly when he flipped out, threatened me, & sent me photos of him cutting himself. I filed a police report, read The Gift of Fear, & slept with a baseball bat at the door.

I didn't have any plans for St. Patrick's Day, much to my dismay, so I decided to take matters into my own hands & ate dinner alone at a bar for the first time. It was not nearly as sad as I thought it would be, & now it's become a favorite habit.

I
returned to Red Bank, N.J., where I lived for a year & a half &
which I moved away from in a hurry. for a solo weekend, I stayed in a fancy local hotel,
watched a lot of Game of Thrones, revisited all my favorite local spots, & went for a walk at a very cold national park. I finally said goodbye.

I visited Columbus to celebrate a friend's long-time-coming graduation from Ohio State. His family couldn't make it, so it was my honor to be there cheering him on as he crossed the lawn of Ohio Stadium, received his hard-earned diploma, & fell to his knees in gratitude right there on the field.

I nervously drove up to Cleveland for my first date with a guy I met on OKCupid right after I wrote about how possibly-awful my online dating profile was. Needless to say, it went so well that I never plan to go on another first date again. (There, I said it.)

I took two classes about online content strategy through Northwestern University & got my Inbound Marketing certification from Hubspot in an effort to squeeze in a little professional development.

I went camping in the woods of mid-Ohio, which I hadn't done since I was about 8 years old. I thought I'd probably hate it, but it was a miraculously wonderful experience. Despite my longstanding fear of open water, I even went tubing!

I rang in my 31st birthday quietly, with an ice cream cupcake from my mom & an intimate little dinner with my boyfriend. I took the afternoon off work to read a book on the patio at Great Lakes Brewery while wearing my favorite lipstick & feeling very zen about aging.

Mike & I traveled to California for our first vacation together & the outdoor beach wedding of one of my closest friends. The weather was beautiful, the company was ideal, & our AirBnB was adorable. I'm not totally sold on the West Coast, but I concede that it's a damn nice place to visit.

My mom & I went on vacation to Hilton Head Island, S.C., where she's the proud new owner of a timeshare. I didn't take time off work, so it wasn't as relaxing as it could've been, but who can complain about being at the beach? Above all, it was great to spend some one-on-one time with her.

Mike & I went on mini trips to Pittsburgh, where we visited his old favorite haunts & caught up with one of my close friends, & to Columbus, where we ate late-night bacon donuts & early-morning fried chicken.

I spent Thanksgiving in Columbus, where most of my family gathered for the first holiday together since my grandma died. Our meal was so delicious & the company so great that even an accident - my aunt broke her pelvis - couldn't deter our celebration. We just moved it to her hospital room!

I attended my first Friendsgiving, an annual celebration for Mike & his friends. We took almost zero photos for posterity, but thankfully, my boyfriend didn't kill himself deep-frying a turkey, & I ate a lotttt of baked mac & cheese. It was one of many opportunities to get to know his friends better.

I attended my first Browns game, which resulted in an epic loss on our team's part - no surprises there - but which was a great, cold time nonetheless & felt like a true Cleveland rite of passage.

I hosted my first party, inviting 20+ friends to my little apartment for
a little holiday/housewarming soiree. I'd had a nightmare ahead of time
that the apartment floor was going to collapse; blessedly, it did not,
& I think people had a good time. I know I did.

* * *

There was so much more to 2015, too.

There were festivals & other events: an art show with my mom, as many trips to the Cleveland Flea as we could manage, an Asian-style "night market," a food truck festival in a monsoon, a vodka tasting hosted by a local magazine, a pancake breakfast at a small-town town hall, a high school show choir competition, a beer festival in a park, cocktails at the art museum, an amusement park in a movie theater parking lot.There was great food: pierogi pizza & actual pierogis from food trucks & homemade sea salt bagels & homemade pasta & dozens of vegan tacos & breakfast empanadas & a metric ton of caprese salad before I realized I might have a tomato allergy. And a lot of lattes from coffee shops all over Northeast Ohio.

There was love - oh my God, so much love. I loved living with my mom & even after moving, living so nearby. I loved spending time with one of my best friends from high school, who I've become so much closer to since moving back. I loved finding new friends, connecting with old friends, meeting blog friends, & making my boyfriend's friends my own.

Speaking of my boyfriend, I fell in love, period. I never imagined I could love someone as much as I love Mike, & I cannot imagine a life without him. I still marvel at the fact that in a world of 7.125 billion people, we found one another & fit so perfectly together. I am 100% on this one, you guys. This year gave me my person.

And finally, I fell in love with Cleveland, which I believe to be one of the best damn cities in the country, no matter what anyone else thinks. At the beginning of the year, I made just one resolution, & keeping it has changed my life for the better. In 2015, I finally came home, & I am never, ever leaving again.

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

I wasn't planning to write this post. I wasn't planning to talk about Tamir Rice. I wasn't planning to use my blog as a platform to speak my thoughts on racial justice. But I am tired of other people's ignorance & lack of compassion, & I'm tired of being quiet for the sake of not ruffling feathers among those I love & otherwise respect.

My friend Marchae, a fellow Clevelander, wrote a powerful, painful, personal essay today called "The PTSD of My Blackness." In my Facebook post sharing it with friends & family, I urged: "Please read. Please try to understand. Please try to make change. Please
try to be better - for her, for Tamir, for Trayvon, for Eric, for
Sandra, for Michael. For humanity."

A high school friend (one who has, in the past, accused me of hating cops, which is bananas as a general statement) was the only one to comment. He asked, "No offense, but a grand jury decided that the officers involved did no wrong doing, what else do you want?"

And he's missing the point entirely.

Here's what I want.

I
want innocent Americans to stop being killed, degraded, &
disrespected for absolutely no reason other than the color of their
skin.

I want Black Americans to feel safe in the country they call home,
to feel protected by our police force instead of terrorized by them.

I
want Marchae & every single person with skin the color of hers to
be able to live life the way I know I am privileged to live mine, without ever
stopping to think about whether the cop sitting next to her in a coffee
shop is likely to harass her - or worse - at random.

Above
all, I want white Americans like my high school friend to really listen to what they're saying &
believing & taking at face value. I want them to understand that these are not one-off incidents, that they are
representative of a larger societal oppression of & prejudice toward
Black Americans as a whole - one that white Americans perpetuate by
refusing to acknowledge these truths, by continuing to see each
incident, small or large, as individual & unrelated.

Monday, December 28, 2015

Yeah, yeah, so the holidays are all about giving to others. I love that part, & I have a tendency to go all-out buying gifts for friends & family, but I also can't resist buying a few gifts for myself along the way!

This year, I got all my shopping-for-others done early - like, by Thanksgiving - which meant my wallet was full come December... which meant that I treated myself to a little bit more than I should have. Even though I just told you about all the ways I'm trying to save money in the new year, I first had to blow a bunch of it on gifts to myself before 2015 comes to a close. Oops.

I ordered this Trader Joe's tea off Amazon after reading about it on San's blog, & while I now know that I paid 300% markup, I personally feel that, at only $7.35 a box, it was a worthwhile caffeine investment.

Funny story: I attended my boyfriend's Friendsgiving party & was smitten with the scent of the candle his roommate lit in the bathroom. While intoxicated, I searched for it online, bought two, & was surprised when they arrived at my door a few days later because I'd completely forgotten about buying them. They smell incredible.

I'm still a big fan of jewelry subscription service Rocksbox, & every month, they send me jewelry that tempts my wallet in the worst & most beautiful ways. I couldn't resist this gold & agate bracelet, which I snapped up almost as soon as it arrived in my mailbox. If you want to try Rockbox, you can still use my code heyescapistxoxo for a free month!

We all know I love subscription boxes, & after I canceled my favorite one, I wanted to find another to fill the void. Enter Glossybox, which I got way back when it began in 2012. My first two boxes of 2015 were a little feh, so I again canceled the subscription, but it was fun while it lasted. Lots of new hand cream, I guess?

I have a perpetually bum back, so the idea of a foam roller has always appealed to me as a way to get some pain relief without having to pay big bucks for a chiropractor (who probably wouldn't see me, anyway). I look like a crazy human worm, flailing & squirming around atop this thing, but it makes me whole body crack, so... worth it.

I'm a longtime fan of creative entrepreneur Moorea Seal, who once redesigned this very blog & who now owns a successful online store as well as an adorable brick & mortar shop in Seattle. This beautifully illustrated journal, one of her most popular items, includes weekly list prompts designed to "help nurture self-expression & self-development."

This was less of a treat & more of a necessity, considering that these, from Macy's, are my all-time favorite pants & that both of the pairs I own have developed holes in the, erm, crotchal region. Still, it's a treat to get new clothes, period, & I look forward to the arrival of two comfy new pairs of pants that won't risk showing off my ladybits.

I took my hoop out for a work event in November & then promptly lost it. While looking through pictures as I prepare for my year-in-review blog post, I realized just how much I miss it! This week, I took to Etsy to order a new one, hopefully of higher quality than the last (which quickly turned to silver). Am I getting too old for a facial piercing? If so, don't tell me.

Did you know that Cleveland has the second largest theater district in
the country, behind only New York City? Playhouse Square offers $10
"Smart Seats" for most of its shows, so on Christmas Eve, I impulsively
snagged tickets to these two big-name productions. I'm taking my boyfriend to one & my best friend to the other... & I'm on the lookout for one to take my mom to!

What did you snag for yourself this holiday season? What's on your personal wishlist to buy soon?

Friday, December 25, 2015

As an American Jew, I am well acquainted with the classic holiday film A Christmas Story, which plays all day long, on repeat, on Christmas Day. Let's just say I've seen it more than a few times.

Did you know that A Christmas Story was filmed right here in Cleveland? Even cooler, it was filmed in my neighborhood! When you drive into Tremont, there's a sign pointing you toward various parts of town - including the Christmas Story House, now a museum that offers tours, an annual 5k, & a gift shop full of "Major Award" leg lamps.

Despite the fact that the Christmas Story House is a mere .8 miles away from my own home, I am ashamed to say that I've not yet been. I meant to go this holiday season, I did! But as so often happens, life got away from me & I never made it over there.

Luckily, Cleveland's Christmas Story pride is strong, & the city - especially my neighborhood - is chock full of leg lamps come Christmastime. They're everywhere, you guys. Everywhere. They're in the windows of homes & bars & office buildings. They come in the form of nightlights & keychains & coffee mugs. They're on T-shirts & on bags (I want all of these) & even tattooed upon flesh.

I, unsurprisingly, find this endlessly quirky & charming, & once I started to realize how many of them are on display across town, I started documenting them to share with the world. Here, I've gathered for you photos of every leg lamp I could photograph, though there are many, many more that I was unable to capture. There's a house near the highway that has three of them in the front windows - & these things sell for $170 a pop!

Thursday, December 24, 2015

I did something I never, ever do yesterday: I clicked "decline" on an incoming phone call from my mom & texted, "Don't want to talk right now." Thankfully, she was understanding, as she always is, & I retreated back into a hole of sadness & moping.

Why?

Because I ruined Christmas, & Christmas hasn't even come yet.

Wait, let me back up. Mike left for D.C. yesterday with his parents & sister, where they're visiting aunts, uncles, & his grandmother. He'll of course be gone, then, on Christmas Day, so we decided we'd just do our own little version of Christmas upon his return - recreate the Christmas we would've spent together, really do it up.

He won't be back until late night, so we figured that would be our "Christmas Eve" - we'll open one gift apiece & we'll put together the gingerbread house from the kit my mom gifted us for Hanukkah (#interfaithlife); the next day was to be "Christmas Day," complete with wearing new flannel PJs & making brunch together & maybe going to the movies & just... doing everything we would do on Christmas, except a day later.

But yesterday, a couple of hours after Mike hit the road, I realized with a terrible start: I think we got the dates wrong.

I thought he was coming home Saturday night & that we'd do a Saturday/Sunday Christmas. In actuality, it turns out, Mike gets home Sunday night & had been planning for a Sunday/Monday Christmas. But I don't have Monday off of work. We just got our wires completely crossed, & the result is that we have no time for our own Christmas.

This is such a thing that I would do.

And it means that when he gets home late on Sunday night, we have to squish everything into an hour or two - the gifts, at least, though we probably won't have time for the rest. Maybe we'll watch his favorite Christmas movie, Die Hard, on Netflix or something, but we certainly won't have time to see a movie in the theater. And why bother with a gingerbread house?

When I realized this, I basically lost my shit, to use official terminology.

I was furious with myself for getting this wrong, & I was devastated to realize we wouldn't get to have our first a Christmas together, even a fake one. I cried hard. I sent a bunch of mopey text messages. I took a nap & woke up groggy & angry. I returned our holiday pajamas to Target. I would've thrown away the gingerbread house kit, too, but I was too sad & lazy & tired to go down to the Dumpster by the time I remembered that I wanted to do it. And thenI hunkered down in a book for hours, blocking out the world.

Today, I woke up less angry but still really, really disappointed. I'm still excited to give Mike the gifts I bought him, but this... doesn't count as a Christmas, not really. And look, I still feel fortunate & blessed & all of that, so don't give me grief about gratefulness; I know I have a great life & an incredible love & not a damn thing to complain about, & for all that, I am immensely thankful. But I still can't help but be really bummed about the sudden lack of celebration, especially after we'd gotten so excited about our plans together.

Perhaps this is a reminder that Jews shouldn't celebrate Christmas, or at least a lesson to me to start paying closer attention to our joint Google Calendar. In the meantime, merry Christmas. I'll be watching Top Chef reruns & reading every book & eating my body weight in cookies. Gotta celebrate somehow, right?

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

I used to love to read. I was one of those kids who stayed up late, hidden under the covers with a flashlight in hand, reading until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore.

A few of my fellow bloggers (lookin' at you, Nora & Stephany) read, like, 75 books a year. I am not that kind of reader, not anymore, because, as much as it embarrasses me to admit it, I am so tethered to social media that I often choose it over book-reading without even really meaning to. I just get sucked in, you know?

But this bothers me, so at the start of 2015, I committed to reading a memoir a month. I know that's, like, nothing by most standards, but for someone who was reading approximately no books a month, it was a start. I opted for memoirs because I love them & would like to write one, but eventually, I transitioned to other books, too, especially my other favorite genre: YA novels.

In all, I read 23 books this year, & I expect to finish another two by the end of 2015 because I'll have some free time on my hands. I'm proud of myself & hope to do even better in the year to come. For now, though, here's a quick look, in no particular order, of the best books I finished this year:

Hands down the best book I read all year. Mock's memoir tells the story of her childhood in Honolulu, son of a broken family who grew up to be a beautiful, strong woman - a journalist, an activist, an overall role model. She is a powerful writer & a fascinating person, & I might've fan-girled out when she responded to me on Twitter

I know Dunham is a controversial character. Folks either love her or hate her, & I, for one, fall into the former camp. Reading her first memoir - an amalgamation of personal essays about family, love, fame, & feminism - made me feel like I could write a book, too, in part because her voice just feels so familiar & cozy to me, like it's coming from myself. I eagerly await her next go-round at publishing.

I
loved, loved, loved this book, which I have described as "the book
version of a soap opera." Is it particularly believable? No. Will it
keep you guessing? Absolutely. I've been thinking about it ever since I
finished it. Where can I find another book like this? Please tell me.

After falling in love with the show, I was curious to read the real Piper's stories, & this book didn't disappoint. I'm not sure I would've liked it as much had I not already been a fan of the TV version, but I found this to be a really interesting & well-written take on a life far removed from mine (though I disliked the real-life Piper even more than the Netflix version).

I reread this whole series before the final film came out, just because my memory is crap & I enjoyed the books the first time around & wanted a reminder of what to expect of the last movie. I had almost forgotten how much I loved the books, actually, & reading them a second time gave me deeper insight & a more nuanced look at the world of Panem.

I've always been fascinated by Scientology, in a sort of "Isn't this so quirky & bizarre?!" kind of way - until I read this book. Miscavige Hill is the niece of the head of Scientology, the controversial & secretive David Miscavige. Reading the true stories & perspectives of someone who grew up in this cult-like church was, frankly, horrifying.

This is a YA novel about a Jewish girl living in the Deep South, home from college after her freshman year & suffering from anorexia while trying to keep it a secret. When a young black girl nearly drowns on her watch at the local pool, it sets into motion an unavoidable series of conversations & events about race, family, & survival.

I first heard of this fascinating & terrifying story on the podcast Invisibilia. After suffering a childhood illness, Pistorius went into a coma, & though he eventually emerged from it, he was presumed to be brain-dead - when, in fact, he was fully conscious & just trapped inside his body for more than a decade.

I heard mixed reviews of this book, but I liked it - didn't love it, but certainly found it to be compelling & unique. I wouldn't go so far as to make all the Gone Girl comparisons it's been getting, but it's a strange & suspenseful page-turner, to be sure.

I read this book because I wanted to watch the movie; I'd never read a John Green book before. Though I enjoyed this one, I found it to be a tad bit too contrived, such that I was rolling my eyes a lot. Still, though I haven't seen the movie yet, the book was worth reading.

I read this one after a glowing recommendation from my friend Robyn, who swore up & down that it was the best thing ever. It's about a transgender girl from NYC who basically walks away from her life & ends up out west, trying to mentor a guy she believes to be trans. My friend was right: It was a great read, despite the high emo factor.

I am perhaps weirdly obsessed with the Cleveland kidnappings, not least of all because I now live about a mile from where they took place. This memoir was a fascinating, horrifying insight into the lives of two of the three kidnapped girls & the monster who took them.

This is the memoir of a twentysomething woman who is suddenly widowed while pregnant with her first child, written from journals she kept during that terrible time. The reviews on Goodreads are terrible, calling her self-centered & worse, but I wholly disagree. I thought it was a powerful & honest look at a life nobody ever imagines themselves living, & Taylor handled it with grace.

If I'm being honest, this book took me a long time to finish. I'm not much for international politics, & this was a pretty heavy read - to be expected of a girl who was shot in the head by the Taliban for supporting education for girls. I'm glad I got through it, though, as I think hers is an important story with an even more important mission, & I'll be paying closer attention to her from now on.

I thought this book was going to be way more depressing than it is. Just read the title! But the author is a compelling storyteller who writes in an impressively authentic-feeling teenage voice, reminding you what it was like to be young.

Please
note that my book review posts include Amazon affiliate links
to the titles I discuss. If you buy a book using one of these links, I
will receive a small percentage of commission. Please don't feel any
obligation to use these links, but please also don't judge me too harshly for
including them.

It took me back to the first day I decided I had a crush on Dave, who would become my boyfriend in the fall of my senior year of high school. He was in my Spanish class & one day wore a shirt to school that read, in big block letters, "EMO IS AWESOME" - but no one else knew was emo was yet, so Señora Olivera asked him to explain it to the class. When words failed, he brought a Jimmy Eat World album with him the next day for our whole class to listen to.

I don't even remember what kind of music I listened to before I met Dave. Matchbox Twenty, maybe? No, really, I have no idea, because all the music that I fell in love with happened when I fell in love with Dave. He introduced me to Jimmy Eat World & Sunny Day Real Estate & Further Seems Forever & Gloria Record & Juliana Theory & Brandtson & Anberlin & The Get Up Kids; he showed me more classic stuff like Morrissey & The Cure. I never played hardball, never got into Brand New or New Found Glory or anything where anyone screamed. For me, for us, it was all about the real emotional stuff stuff, the stuff with a guitar in the background, the stuff that made you feel.

Much to my dismay, I never quite nailed that accompanying emo look that seemed to come so effortlessly to Dave. I had always been a pretty preppy kid, though not by choice; it's just that I just never knew what else to do. Preppy never came easily to me, either, though, never looked quite right on someone like me, who's always a little bit messy & bedraggled, so emo held a certain appealed. Emo didn't need me to look pristine. Emo was offbeat, & I could be, too.

Still, I couldn't quite pin down a look that felt emo enough. I browsed Myspace jealously, taking in other girls' candy-colored hair & dimple piercings & plastic jewelry in the shape of tiny foods, but in the days slightly pre-Internet, I didn't know where to find that kind of stuff. I didn't have artsy friends or access to Hot Topic back in those days. I just had Dave, & we had a thrift store, so I mostly wore boys' T-shirts I bought for $1 apiece & jewelry I bought from the 10-for-$5 bin at the freestanding Claire's in the suburbs. I faked it, though probably not well. My mom hated my entire wardrobe.

There aren't many of those photos anymore, not online & not on my old MacBook, which is officially dead forever. All that's left are a few college-era pics, in the years immediately after I dated Dave, around when he died. It was 2005, & I was still clinging to emo, still clinging to him. If I could be the perfect emo girl, I thought, it would be a posthumous tribute to him. Eventually, I realized that wearing plastic pearl necklaces was not a fitting tribute to anyone & that everything I owned deserved to be trashed. As embarrassing as the photos are, though, they still make me feel painfully, beautifully, overwhelmingly nostalgic. It's strange to think: Remember when I was her?

Some days, I look at myself in the mirror & wonder how I became
who I am now. I don't recognize myself sometimes - but then I look at
these pictures, & I certainly don't recognize that version of
myself, either. I am better now, not just in terms of fashion but in
terms of everything, most notably mental health. I am happier, healthier, a thousand times more adult, all the result of time & age & maturity & common sense. My hair is normal colors, & my jewelry isn't strung upon elastic.

But I still listen to all that same music. There's an emo kid still in here somewhere.

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Look, I'll say it: I'm not great at financial stuff. I'm just... not. I don't know where to begin, I'm paying off a bunch of credit card debt, & I have a soft spot for shopping on bad days.I'm trying to get better about itbecause the idea of being a full-fledged adult with so ncushion is terrifying, but it continues to be a struggle for me.

In an effort to save some dollah bills in the year to come, here are a few items I've decided to stop paying for. Most of these were easy decisions, & I don't think I'll miss having these things in my life. In fact, writing them down like this, I'm excited to kick them to the curb & pocket the money I'd usually be spending on them to save for something else - like, you know, the future. Or a trip to Thailand.

I told you I'm not good at this, OK?

Spotify Premium

I haaaate listening to music with commercials, so paying $10 a month for Spotify Premium seemed like an easy solution to avoiding one of my biggest pet peeves. But that was when I lived in D.C. & took public transportation everywhere - & it was also before I discovered podcasts. These days, I listen to the radio or The Shepod when I drive, & I find myself listening to Spotify very rarely. When I do, I can suck up the stray commercial or two if it means saving $120 a year.

Weekday booze

This is a good one to cut down on both for my wallet and my waistline. Mike & I do all kinds of fun things around Cleveland, but going out often means going all out, ordering an appetizer & a craft beer along with our meals. I'm committing to not buying alcohol at restaurants anymore, & if I do, it will be just one (like when I'm at a happy hour or trivia night). I'm not sure how much this will save me, but surely it's a good call, right?

Books

My librarian mom & bibliophile boyfriend are probably gasping in horror right now, but fret not, dear ones! I'm just not buying anymore books - because it is so easy to get them for free & on the cheap elsewhere. I've started taking advantage of Amazon's Kindle First program, which gives me one free new book a month, & I have four library cards, which makes it easy to check out tangible books & borrow Kindle books through OverDrive, which curbs my occasional late-night, "I want to read thus-&-such book right now" syndrome. Not sure how much it'll save me, but I have a feeling I'm about to do more reading! (That reminds me: Are we friends on GoodReads?)

POPSUGAR MustHave Box

You already know about this because I wrote a no-holds-barred rant last month about my waning love for this company. December was my first month in two years without a MustHave Box, & while I thought I'd miss it, I really didn't - & I missed it even less when Stephanie sent me angry tweets & photos about how crappy this month's box was. A quick scroll through the company's social media accounts tells me we're not the only ones unhappy with their customer service, & while I miss the way the boxes used to be, I'm happy to have another $40 in my pocket each month.

A top-tier health insurance plan

For the last whole-knows-how-many years, I've been paying for my organization's Tier III health insurance plan, which is the "best" & therefore the most expensive. The reason for this? I am a hypochondriac with significant back problems & some low-grade mental health needs. But also, I'm lazy, & figuring out the differences between everything seems time-consuming & difficult. I'd rather just pay more for the convenience of, well, the convenience. But this year, our insurance options changed, & the middle-tier option sounds just fine. I'm switching down & will save more than $200 a month!

Feedly Pro

My reasons for cutting this service are similar to my reasons for cutting Spotify premium: I thought I'd "need" it more than I do. I let my account for Feedly Pro, an RSS reader, lapse this month, & though they're still running a holiday special that would allow me to renew for $45 instead of $65, I just don't find myself using the added features enough to justify the cost for another year. The free version is treating me just fine so far.

But long, long ago, before our dear, terrible team had solidified themselves as being even more terrible than usual, I emailed a bunch of Mike's friends (I think I'm allowed to call them my friends now?) to ask if anyone would be interested in going to the Browns v. Ravens game the Monday after Thanksgiving. A Monday night game! The Browns versus the old Browns! Friends & tailgating!

And so six of us signed on to attend, paying $47 apiece for tickets that, the day of the game, were selling for about $12. Hindsight is painful.

I hadn't been to a Browns game since I was a little kid - back when my dad was still alive, I think, but maybe that was an Indians game & I'd never actually seen the Browns play? Beats me. What I'm saying is that I was pretty excited, despite the Browns utter lack of respectability.

We met up beforehand at a hole-in-the-wall, cash-only bar that serves Genessee & claims to have the best corned beef sandwiches in town. Everyone but me was decked out in Browns gear; our friend Erin knitted her own scarf bearing the name of every Browns starting quarterback. We forgot to eat dinner & got a little tipsy, following the pack of rabid Browns fan on the walk across the bridge & into the stadium, where I immediately consumed a hot dog & purchased a Browns hat for a whopping $28 because I wanted to show my Cleveland pride.

In all, the game was depressing as hell - & I still had a great time. Would it be preferable to have a team who isn't a perpetual disappointment? Yeah, for sure. But Cleveland's got grit, & Cleveland's got the Browns, & win or lose, I was honored to wear the brown & orange & watch my first in-person Cleveland loss. It felt like a rite of passage.

Friday, December 11, 2015

I made a mistake, & it's stressing me right the hell out.

As you may have seen, I've had a couple essays published as of late on some big-name sites, which is really exciting for me. I confess, however, that for the most part, I'm not going through the whole standard pitching process. I applied for & was accepted into a network of online contributors for a large publishing company.

Each day, they send writing prompts, & if any of them appeal to me, I write up a quick essay of 600-800 words & submit it via an online portal. If a magazine wants to run it, I get an alert saying it's been picked up... & then my name shows up in a byline on Country Living or Woman's Day or somewhere else excitingly recognizably. So far, I've had two pieces accepted & two pieces decline (though one of my declined pieces later ran on xoJane). The pay is low, but for someone with a full-time job who just writes on the side for enjoyment & exposure, it's a cool opportunity.

Yesterday, I responded to the prompt "I Have an Embarrassing Condition" by writing about a minor-but-embarrassing medical malady that I usually try to keep under wraps. It was an easy piece that took me all of 20 minutes to write, & it turned out pretty well - funny, relatable, exactly what a magazine essay ought to be. I quickly submitted it for consideration, knowing that it typically takes the network editors a couple days to consider submissions

A couple hours later, though, I started to regret it. Did I really want the Internet to know about my bodily issues? Sure, it was funny & relatable, but it was also embarrassingly personal, & while I feel completely comfortable writing about personal health topics like mental illness, this one just didn't sit as well with me. When I imagined everyone I know reading it, my horror led to the decision to retract the submission, which can be easily done with the press of a button, except...

When I returned to my computer, I found that it had already been picked up - by Cosmopolitan, no less.

At first, I was thrilled at the idea of a Cosmo byline... until I remembered that to tell anyone about it, they'd have to read the actual essay & know some very intimate things about my body. And then I started to panic - hard. I literally laid awake last night hyperventilating, chastising myself for selling out by writing very personal clickbait for $50. That's not what I do; that's not why I write.

And so I did the unthinkable: I emailed the editor & explained my impending humiliation, basically begging him to pull the piece. Though I felt like the world's least professional person, I finally slept easy knowing that I'd followed my intuition, even if that intuition came a bit too late.

I woke up to an email from the editor saying that my request was "highly unprofessional" but that he could kill the piece if I insisted upon it. Still, he encouraged me to allow it to run, saying it would help other women (though frankly, I doubt many readers head to Cosmo to learn about medical conditions...) I responded politely to say that I wanted to go ahead with the kill, & he in turn canceled its publication - though his follow-up email reminded me that this was a one-time courtesy that would not be repeated.

I suppose I would rather upset one editor this one time than
have a humiliatingly personal essay live online forever, so I feel
confident in my decision to pull the piece. Still, "highly unprofessional" is certainly one of those labels I try like hell to avoid, & the whole situation has left me feeling terrible. What if this editor won't work with me anymore? What if I am a shitty writer with bad judgment? What if I never get published anywhere ever again? I fought the urge to take a Xanax this morning & go back to bed, & it set the tone for a pretty crummy Friday.

Above all else, I'm disappointed in myself for getting so wrapped up in the excitement of a noteworthy byline that I allowed myself to write something I should've realized I wasn't comfortable sharing with the world. I've been blogging for a long time, & I know by now where my comfort level is - & it's certainly not at personal essays about my body. I actually like that essay - but it's not one I should've submitted for publication, at least not right now, & I should have known better.

I know, at least, that next time, I'll think twice - & then may three or four
times - to be sure that I am completely OK with the implications & possible
repercussions of sharing any particular story. Stressful though it was (is), this incident served me an important lesson about who I am, who I am not, & what I am comfortable sharing with the Internet. As it turns out, I am not a personal-humiliation-for-clickbait kind of person - & if I had to be a little bit unprofessional this one time in order to figure it out, I'm probably OK with that.

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Finally, the world is paying some positive attention to Cleveland! This summer, it made it into national rankings as one of the best cities in the country for food, & the LA Times even saw fit to name it a "hot new dining city." Cleveland may be an unassuming Rustbelt city with an abysmal football record, but it is indeed also bursting at the seams with incredible restaurants & local brands that make it a delicious joy for locals & the occasional tourist like (yeah, we do get them sometimes - see you soon, RNC!)

This list isn't exactly the crème de la crème of fancy local hotspots, but it's my top-rated list, at least for right now. These are the CLE meals & snacks that I keep going back for.

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BBQ Beef JerkySebastian's Meats, West Side Market (Ohio City)There's a sign at another kiosk at the West Side Market that advertises the fact that Michael Symon once called their jerky "the best thing I ever ate" on the TV show of the same name; they even have a video clip playing at the counter. I'm curious, but their jerky just looks too, well... meaty for me. Instead, I like to give my hard-earned dollars to Sebastian's, whose long, thin strips of jerky are everything I believe jerky ought to be: flat, smooth, tender, juicy, & impossible to stop eating.

The Curd FergusonBarrio (Tremont, Lakewood, & Downtown)If I ordered this taco any more often, the folks at Barrio might start to know me by name. I'm a sucker for anything made with Thai chili sauce, & this vegetarian taco concoction is one of the most innovative uses of it I've yet tried: both a soft flour tortilla & hard corn shell, filled with Thai chili tofu, slaw, queso fresco, pineapple salsa, & salsa roja. It's only $4, & unfortunately, the Tremont location is all of two blocks from my apartment, so...

Sea Salt BagelsCLE Bagel Co. (no location)It's probably a good thing these bagels are so damn difficult to track down because if I had easy access to them, I'd surely be eating at least one a day. As it stands, I've only eaten them at the Cleveland Flea, but now that winter has arrived, I've got to find my fix someplace else (though maybe it's better if I don't). CLE Bagel Co. also makes incredible flavors of schmear (that's cream cheese, for all you unfamiliar with Yiddish!). Brie, honey, & toasted walnut, anyone?

Wake-Up Call EmpanadasProsperity Social Club (Tremont)This wonderful, not-nearly-as-fancy-as-it-sounds bar is just steps away from my apartment, which means I'm forever trying to convince folks that we should meet therefor happy hour or weekend drinks or, my favorite, brunch. I suppose I wouldn't expect such a pierogi-heavy spot to also excel at empanadas, but theirs are the best damn breakfast food in town - stuffed with andouille
sausage, pepper medley, onions, cheddar and egg, topped with
jalapeño-smoked cheddar sauce and tequila-lime salsa. Is it Sunday yet?!

The Local and Fresh PlateGreat Lakes Brewing Co. (Ohio City)Who says a meat & cheese tray isn't a complete meal? We're adults, man. GLBC's is the ultimate charcuterie plate, loaded with locally sourced meat, cheese, & produce (gimme all yer pickled onions!), plus seasonal jams & bread from a nearby bakery. The first time I had it was on a sunny summer day, & it was perfectly light fare for patio-sitting; last time I had it was indoors on a cold, rainy night, & it somehow seemed perfectly cozy. Basically: You cannot go wrong with meats & cheeses, ever.

Sassy Pineapple SalsaBlaze Gourmet (no location)The bad news is that this salsa is maybe making me sick because think I have some sort of intolerance to raw tomatoes? But the good news is that if raw tomatoes are OK by your digestive system, this salsa is basically the most delicious salsa to ever exist. It's sold at a few local grocery stores & at farmers' markets, where Cowboy George, the salsa-maker extraordinaire himself, will chat you up about where you're from & what kind of salsa you're looking for.

Butternut Squash and Sage RavioliOhio City Pasta, West Side Market (Ohio City)You think you've had pasta. I thought I'd had pasta. I mean, I've eaten a lot of pasta in my life... & then I had Ohio City Pasta. Homemade & fresh in a bazillion different flavor combinations, their pasta is restaurant-level delicious... made in my own kitchen on a whim for lunch. Mike & I have been eating this particular variety with pesto, walnuts, & parmesan cheese. I never want to be without a package of Ohio City Pasta in my freezer to make sure that even my "there's no food in the house" meals taste gourmet.

Monday, December 7, 2015

When I was 11, my dream job was to write for Woman's Day magazine. Maybe that's a strange career aspiration for a tween, but I've long loved print magazines - the way they feel in my hands, the way they help me escape from reality, the ideas they give me & the products they introduce... hey, that's probably why I majored in magazine journalism in college.

I'm probably past the days of believing that I'll ever work for a magazine, particularly as I no longer have any desire to live in new York City, where most of them are headquartered. One big difference between age 11 & age 31? Somewhere along the way, someone invented the Internet, which means I can submit my writing for publication from all the way over here in Cleveland. Sure, it may not end up in the glossy, shiny print edition - but seeing my own name in a byline still gives me (& 11-year-old me) a pretty big rush.

All this to say that on Friday afternoon, I was published on Woman's Day's website, writing about my longstanding love of Christmas & my first interfaith holiday celebration with my lapsed-Catholic boyfriend. I hope you'll check it out!

* * *

PS: While we're on the topic of December holidays, I was also published today on the United Church of Christ's New Sacred Blog, talking about the times when "Merry Christmas" does & doesn't offend me. Thanks to their editor, my friend Marchae, for helping me work a Facebook rant into a coherent personal essay!

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Today is #GivingTuesday, a global day of giving back. The day began in 2011 at New York City's 92nd Street Y & has since taken hold in the nonprofit world as a day to remind Americans to take a step back from rampant consumerism & instead, well, give back.

Because I work for a nonprofit, I've been mired in #GivingTuesday planning for a couple weeks now - but just yesterday, talking to friends who work in the corporate world, I learned that plenty of folks don't even know this day exists. I think it's catching on (it's all over social media today), but in case #GivingTuesday is new to you, I wanted to do my small part - give back, if you will - to bring attention to this day.

I also want to share with you a few of my favorite nonprofits, the places I'm most likely to donate my hard-earned pennies. I do my best to be charitable, but I could certainly be better about it - which is, in fact, one of my 2016 goals... starting today! My list could use a refresher, as these orgs mostly represent my old standbys. I'm curious:Which charities top your list?

The American Cancer Society

After my
dad died of lung cancer when I was 10, I wrote letters to all my friends
& family asking them to donate to the American Cancer Society in
his memory - to help ensure a future where other kids wouldn't have to
lose their parents to cancer. Watching those checks roll in was the
first time I understood the power of fundraising & of committing to a
cause. Today, I continue to donate to the ACS & their work to fund
cancer research, provide support to cancer patients, educate &
inform the general public, & eradicate cancer once & for all. www.cancer.org/give

Planned Parenthood

I've been a fan of Planned Parenthood for as long as I can remember, & in times of less-than-stellar health care coverage, I've relied on their services for my own basic reproductive health. I'm appalled by the recent spate of vitriol against Planned Parenthood, a vital organization committed to keeping women (& men!) healthy, educated, & informed - & yes, that includes performing abortions, a procedure that is both legal & moral. In light of the recent shooting in Colorado, I want to support PP more than ever. www.plannedparenthood.org/donate

The Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism

I used to work here, & despite their evangelical-sounding name, the RAC does great work lobbying on Capitol Hill on behalf of the liberal Jewish community. They also bring hundreds of Jewish teens to Washington, D.C., each year to teach them about critical social justice issues & how to raise their voices in the halls of government. www.rac.org/donate

ReThink

Run by my friend Tahir, ReThink aims to stop sexual assault before with starts. They're putting organizers on the ground to spread the message of healthy masculinity, consent, & empathy to adolescent boys, aiming to raise a generation of boys who are partners & leaders in the fight against sexual violence. They're the only organization taking a face-to-face, mass-based approach to
changing rape culture, doing real work to make the "1 in 5" rape statistic a thing of the past. www.we-rethink.org/giving-tuesday

The St. Baldrick's Foundation

In the U.S., more kids die of cancer than of any other disease - but less than 4% of the National Cancer Institute's budget goes toward research related to childhood cancers. St. Baldrick's works with leading pediatric oncologists to prioritize research & funding to save kids' lives. They fund more grants than any organization aside from the U.S. government! www.stbaldricks.org/donate

charity: water

More than 660 million people worldwide live without access to clean water, & diseases found in dirty drinking water kill more people every year than all forms of violence, including war. charity: water is a non-profit organization dedicated to bringing clean, safe drinking water to people in developing nations by funding freshwater wells, rainwater
catchments, & sand filters more. With every water point they fund, they coordinate sanitation & hygiene training & establish a local Water Committee to help keep
water flowing for years to come. www.charitywater.org/donate

To Write Love On Her Arms

TWLOHA is a non-profit movement
dedicated to presenting hope & finding help for people struggling with
depression, addiction, self-injury, & suicide. TWLOHA exists to
encourage, inform, inspire, & invest directly in treatment & recovery. In the lead-up to my 30th birthday, I told a very scary, vulnerable story about my own experiences with depression & suicide; then, in celebration of my own survival, it was my honor to raise $1,500, with your help, to donate to this organization - & now I donate to them at least once a year. www.twloha.com/donate

But #GivingTuesday is about more than just money. It's also about giving time, resources, & helping raise awareness. Whether you volunteer with a local soup kitchen, serve as a big brother or big sister to a local child, write to Congress about issues that matter to you, donate your old clothing to a shelter, or hand a warm sandwich to the homeless guy on the street outside your office building, you're giving back - & while #GivingTuesday is only one day a year, I hope it serves as a reminder to give all year round, however & whenever you can.