Chris McDonnell, a 31 year old North London man, has blamed his failed gastric-band surgery on the little known website olilolo.com.

Originally weighing 200kg, the heavily obese Mr McDonnell was given the tax-payer funded surgery to reduce his excessive eating and hopefully save his life, before it was too late.

Eating 15,000 calories a day, or six times the recommended limit, eating was part of his life.

“I did it without thinking. Huge portions four, five times a day, with several courses. Kebabs, pizzas, and burgers were my favourites. People told me to diet and I tried – but I just loved food too much. It was the most important thing in my life.”

Key officials from the Bureau of Meteorology have today confirmed they regularly just make up weather forecasts, confirming the suspicions of paranoid schizophrenics and angry grandfathers everywhere. Suspicions were again raised when another weekend of showers was predicted, which did not match the light clouds and mostly sunshine that eventually resulted. Several thousand people cancelled plans, only to sit glaring at the beautiful...

The world is in a state of shock after recent studies seem to suggest that the Atkin’s Diet may cause heart disease if followed long-term, and has been linked with a growing number of coronary related deaths and slender, svelte corpses.

The Atkin’s Diet fad swept the West, with thousands ditching those unhealthy carbs for all the goodness of protein and fat; and the results were remarkable with dieters losing an average of 28% of their body weight in a matter of months.

After years of unsuccessfully trying to encourage people to lose weight and live healthier, it was a godsend for Ministers of Health and Doctors the world over.

Microsoft today announced they would be scrapping a key customer complaints division set up over a decade ago.

The department was initially set up as a general-purpose support centre, but was quickly repurposed to another task: dealing with the expected high volume of digital error reports sent by Microsoft’s automated reporting feature built into Windows.

A common sight for most Windows users.

However, instead of the flood of reports to be taken care of, the centre staff were met with quite the opposite.

Here at the Mansfield Bugle, we pride ourselves as being more on top of the news than any other outlet. So much so that we’ve pursued this to it’s logical and retarded conclusion- MetaNews. Yes, this really is the only news source you’ll ever need, readers; this template will mean you’ll never have to read another news bulletin again! Simply plug in relevant names and facts, and you’re informed and ready to face the day!