There Are Reports Of A Global Pork Shortage And It's Freaking Us Out

Start hoarding that Oscar Mayer, kids

It appears that ham lovers may soon be paying the ultimate price. A recent report from Britain’s National Pig Association states that a world shortage of pork and bacon next year is now unavoidable. The organization cites data showing that the European Union pig herd is declining at a significant rate, and that this trend is being mirrored around the world. Apparently, the lengthy drought conditions that plagued corn and soybean crops this year have led to less feed for the animals. The report advises supermarkets to pay pig farmers a fair price to avoid steep price rises and help them remain in production.

So what exactly could this projected shortage mean to you? Is bacon and ham and bacon and ham sundaes going to suddenly disappear before our eyes? What about our expert bacon cooking tips? Will they become outdated? This is all pretty darn inconsiderate of you, bacon gods.

The consequences are indisputable: pretty soon, bacon is bound to become the new caviar. Corporations will try to woo potential clients with promises of lavish drive-thru dinners. Craving a Double Whopper with bacon? That’ll run you $89.95, sir. On second thought, this “shortage” might actually reveal the percentage of real meat in our favorite fast food menu items. Aha, a silver lining!