The Best Comebacks of The Real Housewives of New York Season 7

The Real Housewives of New York have never been my favorite. I’m more of a New Jersey or Beverly Hills girl. But since there’s never escaping any of the Real Housewives when you turn on Bravo (since the channel repeats every episode at least twice, if not three times a day), I have seen an episode or two in the past. This season, though, something shifted—I could not tear myself away. I stuck around for every episode, every time it aired. Whether it was a double brunch invite (what’s a one percenter to do?) or a naked stranger discovered on a bed in the Turks & Caicos (apparently your 50s are a wild time), the show grabbed my attention and took hold. How did the show suddenly become so undeniably appealing?

Was it the return of Bethenny Frankel, the queen of the SkinnyGirl empire and a brutally honest (even by New York standards) tough girl? Or was it the addition of Dorinda Medley, the uptowner whose panache even Lady Gaga couldn’t deny? While these women certainly improved the dynamic of the show, there was still something else adding to the show’s new appeal: the comebacks. Between Carole Radziwill’s dry wit and Bethenny’s lack of filter, the show’s insults and sly jokes took on a life of their own. There was no stopping the women this season as they reprimanded each other in a variety of ways and took Real Housewife rejoinders to a whole new level. So grab a pen and take some notes—you’re going to want to add these lines to your repertoire. You never know when you’ll have to do battle with the most intimidating New Yorker of them all: a housewife.

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When Heather calls Bethenny a know-it-all, Bethenny doesn’t apologize. She just offers Heather her wealth of knowledge in return, which is really the Christian thing to do. Remember this the next time someone says you’re an annoying genius. It’s really just you being charitable.

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After Dorinda has a meltdown in the Turks and Caicos, Heather tries to calm her down in the bathroom. When Ramona tries to get in between the two, Heather threatens her as only a mom of two can. Considering how much girl drama really does go down in the bathroom, this is actually a helpful threat to have in your back pocket.

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Sometimes your girlfriends drink a little too much. When they start reminiscing about partying with long deceased members of American royalty, hard truths are the only way to break through the inebriated midst. Dorinda does just that when a boozy Sonja tells her she used to party with JFK, Jr., back in the day. It’s icy but effective, like a cold shower.

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When your friends bother you for details about the guy you brought home last night and left passed out in the guest bedroom, don’t reveal anything. Playing it coy with a non-creepy wink is definitely the more alluring way to go, demonstrated by Ramona here.

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What does this even mean, Bethenny? Is jock a euphemism for male anatomy? Do you have male anatomy? Either way, in just four succinct syllables, Bethenny drives the message home. Try this the next time someone bothers you with invasive questions. If you say it in a New York accent with strategically placed hand movements, it’s even more intimidating.

When Ramona lets a stranger sleep over at the girls’ vacation house, everyone loses it over her poor judgement. Sonja, however, uses the moment as a valuable teaching opportunity. It’s a reminder that when everyone’s freaking out, it’s OK to keep things light with a joke at their expense. Especially if it’s a lesson in cocktails.

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Kristen here has a lot to learn about how to channel her energy into a cleverly worded comeback or sly dig. But she’s trying, and we have to give her some credit. When both Bethenny and Sonja go ballistic over some comments she made to “the press” (a.k.a. The Daily News or JustJared.com, can’t be certain), Kristen says the next time the press asks her about her friends, she’ll be explicitly clear on her feelings towards them. And sometimes straightforward honesty is the best comeback of them all, nay?

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As Sonja explains her rules on, um, bedroom activities, Bethenny repeats back exactly what she said in a deadpan voice. Did she just insult Sonja? It’s unclear, but the widening of her eyes and over-nodding of the head implies, yes, she’s judging her. This is a good reminder not everything has to be over-the-top. Sometimes just a subtle use of tone and facial expressions does the trick.

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When your frenemy is a big ol’ faker, occasionally you just have to tell it like it is and call them out on it. Extra points for theatrical displays of the habits that annoy you most.

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I’m not even 100 percent sure what Dorinda is saying here, but I know it’s brilliant. It frightens, entertains, and rhymes—well, sort of—all at the same time, so it’s almost like she’s in a rap battle. (I watch Bravo, so I actually know nothing about rap, but I think this has potential.)

At the end of the day, our friends know us better than we know ourselves. When Ramona says she just came from church, Sonja replies in the way only a best friend can. Because insulting witticisms aren’t for your frenemies alone, they’re for your BFFs as well.

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While all the girls are having a crisis over whose brunch invite they’ll accept, Carole says what we’re all thinking. Well, actually, maybe it’s just what I’m thinking. But really, can we all stop with the brunch obsession?

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Oh, look, it’s Bethenny again. Bethenny is the master of the snarky side comment. It’s like her brain is constantly thinking of ways to insult people. Is it a bit much? Yes. Is it inspiring? Yes. Here she is “complimenting” Carole’s boyfriend Adam, who’s 30 years her junior.

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Dorinda proves that sometimes old standards work best when getting your point across. People don’t like the guy you’re dating? Well, too bad. Throw this comeback their way and they’ll probably be too lost in a time warp to properly reply.

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As much as it pains me to say it, LuAnn de Lesseps had, by far, the greatest comeback in RHONY history. It’s simple in its structure, elementary in its verbiage, but deep in its delivery. With her dark shades and raspy voice, it was like listening to Dylan deliver a life philosophy you didn’t know you needed. When someone rages at you with anger and instability, reply with this. They won’t know what hit them.