Oak Bay High students are being warned: “Stay away from the light! That dangly thing…it’s a trick, not a bag of Doritos.”

To explain a spike in unexcused absences among its student population this morning, administrators at Victoria’s Oak Bay High School are pointing fingers at a giant Strava art anglerfish seen lurking near the school grounds.

“It’s that fleshy growth at the end of its illicium,” says the school’s biology teacher. “Students are drawn to its luminescent glow like moths to a porch light. You’d think those enormous, terrifying teeth would be a clue that something’s amiss, but you know teenagers and their tendency to traipse obliviously into the gaping maw of peril.”

In their investigation of the truancy issue, Oak Bay Police have sought assistance from VicPD, whose police station, conveniently, is right in the belly of the beast.