Gowns, gowns, gowns, darlings! More gowns than you can shake a stick at; that’s what the Cannes red carpet offers. Assuming you want to shake a stick at a gown, which seems fairly odd to us, but we’re not the judgmental types, as you probably know.

Anyway, you’d think the fact that so many gowns are competing for space in front of the photographers would force the attendees to really bring their A game, but every year at Cannes, you wind up seeing a lot of fairly generic goddess or prom gowns. Let’s yell at everyone who failed to be exciting for us, darlings.

Adriana Lima in Naeem Khan

Meh. The textures and seaming elevate it but it’s still pretty dull and it looks like a slip.

Amber Valetta in Mulberry

Way too much going on with one dress, from the huge ruffles to the vinyl wallpaper to the asymmetry. And we can’t say we like the color story all that much.

Deepika Paduko in Brandon Maxwell

Cannes, where every prom dress becomes as a queen’s raiment – if you just add a cape.

Emily Ratajkowski in Peter Dundas

THANK YOU.

Come to Cannes dressed like Cher at a funeral, goddammit. That’s what Cannes is for.

Robin Wright in Michelle Mason

Go home, Robin.

(To be fair, her bod is rocking that nightgown.)

Susan Sarandon in Chanel

Trying way too hard.

Uma Thurman in Giuseppe Zanotti

We want to, but we can’t. The jacket looks too heavy and the skirt’s a mess. A good idea, badly rendered.

Winnie Harlow in Zuhair Murad Couture

It’s a fairly basic Cinderella gown, but it gets points for the beautiful shade of blue and for having a truly dramatic sweep to it.