But wait, the border between Canada and the U.S. is the longest unguarded border in the world. No fence, no barricades, no machine guns or howitzers pointed at Toronto. What gives?

That is a rhetorical question, of course. The last thing I want is for the U.S. to shut off the flow of illegal immigrants from Canada. My housekeeper and yard people are illegal Canadians, they work for peanuts and I don't have to pay their social security. Also, Canadian food is my absolute favorite. What would I do without my weekly moose tacos and Montreal Margarita? I contend that Canadians are hard working and gladly filling jobs that Americans feel are beneath them. So what if they talk funny? Who cares if they smell like maple syrup and think hockey is more important than football? I fail to see how they are eroding the fabric of our nation.

These seem like good-natured comments, but I just wanted to clarify that I was kidding and I love Canada. Montreal, Toronto and Vancouver are three of my fave places in North America. I've considered seeking sanctuary there many times after one of our phony elections.

And my two fave TV sports are hockey and American football, in that order, but with hockey WAY ahead. Go Rangers!

I was living in Japan and in the building where I lived there were a lot of foreigners from German, France, Australia, and even Canadian and Americans. Another Canadian and I were hanging out with a couple Americans when they told us about, you know, "Arood aboot the hoose." We had no idea what they were talking about, but they explained that it was an imitation of the way Canadians say "about". We told them that some American tourists must have taken a plane to Scotland or somewhere and decided that it was Canada since they spoke some kind of strange English. FYI Canadians do not say "aboot".

They also told us about Canadian Bacon, which we also had never heard of, even after they described what it was, we'd never seen it before.