CINCINNATI – The Cincinnati Bengals announced that they want all their fans drunk by kickoff at all future home games.

CINCINNATI – The Cincinnati Bengals announced that they want all their fans drunk by kickoff at all future home games.

After learning that a woman filed suit against the Cincinnati Bengals about intoxicated fans, club owner, Tom Hillstrom, not only dismissed the lawsuit but said that in the future he was requiring all Bengal fans to be drunk during the game.

“We have the best fans in the NFL. No questions. They are enthusiastic, passionate and love the Bengals. But we need them to be louder, we need them to taunt the opposing teams more and I think that if everyone was intoxicated during the game, it would help ensure a Bengal home victory – every time,” Hillstrom said.

Bengals Fans in pre-game warm-up

A woman and her husband are suing the Bengals, the beer vendor and the county-owned football stadium for negligence, alleging they continued to serve alcohol to “noticeably intoxicated” fans at a 2009 NFL game.

Margaret Darby and husband Chris Darby of Louisville, Ky, say the two men sitting behind them were served several drinks at Paul Brown Stadium before they fell on her, breaking and gashing her nose, breaking her finger, and causing bruises, sprains and other injuries. Their lawsuit seeks unspecified monetary damages for past and future pain and suffering and medical treatment that they say has cost $20,000 so far.

The couple also are suing the fans, identified only as John Doe and John Doe II. The lawsuit accuses them of battery. In an ironic twist, the real names of the fans were, in fact, John Doe and John Doe II – thus the attempts by the Darby lawyers to protect their identity has caused the Doe family a great deal of humiliation. “We can’t go anywhere without being ridiculed,” said John Doe.

Bengal Fan Getting the Party Started

Bengals spokesman Fritz Barnkopf said the team wouldn’t comment on pending litigation, but he did acknowledge that the team would be encouraging fans to get drunk at future games. “We want to get to the Super Bowl and we think this will help give the fans a bigger role in helping us get there.”

Barnkopf said that the Bengals are currently in negotiations with several beer producers, trying to pick the right company to be the official Bengal Beer.

The Bengals and other NFL teams have tried to control unruly fans through such efforts as the Bengals “Jerk” line, which fans can call during the game to report bad behavior. Hillstrom said the Jerk Line would be discontinued at Bengals game. “We want jerks at our games, football is for and about jerks. Jerks make great fans!”

Ochocinco is on board with the new drunk requirement. After hearing the news, he headed off with his teammate to celebrate: