I'm Pregnant – And I Have Chlamydia

I recently got tested for STDs due to being pregnant and the test came out positive for chlamydia. I told my husband immediately. He got tested three times and each time the test came back negative. I have always been faithful to my husband. But now everyone is accusing me of cheating even though he and I are together at least 90 percent of the time – and when we aren't, he normally knows exactly where I am, or I'm texting him or sending picture messages to him. We have researched our predicament and there are some articles about women in the same situation, but there are no answers as to how my husband remains negative after having repeated unprotected sex. He has spoken to people at health clinics and they tell him there is no other answer except I have been cheating. How can I convince him I haven't cheated and obviously got this from the person I was with before him? This is putting a lot of stress on our relationship and on me, which doesn't help my growing baby.You're pregnant and you and your husband are both under an enormous amount of stress. This news has sent you spinning. And the worst thing you can possibly do when faced with a medical issue is to take your stress to Google, where each search result will bring back a different answer, a different suspicion, a different anxiety. So take a deep breath.

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Obviously, people have asymptomatic STDs all the time and can carry them for years without knowing it. And not every STD gets passed along to a partner (or shows up in a partner's test results), no matter how many times a couple has sex. Testing positive for chlamydia after years of monogamy, while your husband tests negative, is unusual but it is not impossible.

With a baby on the way, I'm sure everything feels sped-up and immediate. But you really need to slow things down before the paranoia spins out of control. So calmly tell your husband that you love him and that you deserve his trust. Swear, again, that you haven't cheated — and then remind your husband that neither he nor you (and most sources on Google, including advice columnists like me) are medical professionals.

Tell your husband that you two need to see a professional together so you can both have a conversation with a doctor at the same time. Doctors are trained to explain difficult medical information all the time to people who often don't want to hear the truth. Go see a doctor. Together.

My boyfriend and I are in college in a long-distance relationship, and it's been super stressful. I'm not doing so great emotionally because of my workload and not seeing my family much. I saw him last weekend and we always have sex and it's usually great, but I, for some reason, had a breakdown and started crying before we finished. He asked if I wanted to stop and I nodded, so he held me for a bit, but when I stopped crying, he moved my hand back to his penis. I didn't really feel like it, but he started moving my hand up and down so I finished him. Now I feel really weird about it. How do I bring this up with him? I don't want it to seem like I am accusing him of anything because I willingly gave him the hand job, and he is very important to me.No matter how horny your boyfriend was the other night, it's no excuse for this pathetic behavior. When a woman can't continue having sex because she's sobbing, a boyfriend should obviously know better than to ask her to finish him off. It's not a catastrophe, but it's disrespectful — and you are very right that you shouldn't let it slide.

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You say you worry about making it "seem like I am accusing him" — but there's absolutely nothing wrong about pointing out that someone did, indeed, make you feel bad. So just talk. You don't have to raise the volume to make your point. It doesn't have to be a big fight. Just tell him that the other night you were feeling awful and you wish he'd been more sensitive to that, instead of prioritizing his boner over your feelings.

I wouldn't worry about this being a hard conversation. Just say how he made you feel: I bet that as soon as you point out that he was disrespectful, he'll immediately realize that he wasn't exactly thinking with his brain.

In fact, if he doesn't readily admit that he was being a real jerk-off by asking you to jerk him off, you should worry that you're dating the wrong guy. But if he's a decent guy — and it sounds like you think he is — your boyfriend will probably just be embarrassed and feel awful that he used you at a moment when you needed support. Be honest.

I have recently become involved with a new guy. I've had a great time getting to know him and meeting his close friends. It's been nice and everything is flowing smoothly. But, of course, there's a catch. His Facebook still says he's in a relationship with another girl, whom he had been with for almost eight years. His profile picture even has her in it! I asked him about it on our first date, he declared he "didn't care about Facebook" and that he and this girl hadn't spoken in three weeks (doesn't seem like an extraordinarily long amount of time). He explained they had been on/off for two years, and it just wasn't working for them anymore. If they aren't really together, why is she still a part of his Facebook? Am I wrong to be wary of this? Why hasn't she removed their relationship from there, if they are actually over? I feel by not changing his status he's leaving room for the possibility of them rekindling their relationship. What do I take seriously from his social media, and what doesn't matter? I don't want to fall head over heels for this guy and then have his ex come back out of the woodwork.This guy is definitely not over his ex. It sounds like a more accurate status for this guy would be: "It's complicated." Or, possibly, "I'm lying."

You're right to be skeptical. The Facebook photo is an obvious giveaway: Of course it matters. If they were really broken up and over, he would change it, whether or not he "cares" about Facebook. Believe me, if a guy is single, he very much cares that women will look on Facebook and think he's not available. How many single guys do you know who have a couples photo as their profile pic? Guys don't just leave photos up accidentally — and the main reason is that they know that women are going to Google them. So don't buy his lame explanation.

Out of everything he told you, the most important thing is that they've been "on/off for two years." In other words, they're one of those complicated couples that breaks up and gets back together all the time. What's happening right now is probably the same thing that's been happening for the last several years.

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