vWhat is success? I think it is a mixture of having a flair for the
thing that you are doing; knowing that it is not enough, that you have got to
have hard work and a certain sense of purpose.Margaret Thatcher

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Whether it is a fleeting annoyance or it is a full-fledged rage, anger is a completely normal human emotion. Learning to control your anger and express it appropriately will help you build better relationships, achieve your goals, and lead a healthier, more satisfying life. Anger becomes a problem when it goes out of your control.

REASONS FOR ANGER

You may think that external things like the insensitive actions of other people or frustrating situations cause your anger. But anger is less to do with what happens to you than how you interpret and think about what happened. Common wrong thinking patterns trigger and fuel anger. Let us see some of them-

Blaming: When anything bad happens or something goes wrong, it’s always someone else’s fault. You blame others for the things that happen to you rather than taking responsibility for your own life.

Rigid views: Having a rigid view of the way things should or must be and getting angry when reality doesn’t line up with this vision.

Wrong assumptions: Assuming you “know” what someone else is thinking or feeling—that he or she intentionally upset you, ignored your wishes, or disrespected you.

Collecting straws: Looking for things to get upset about, usually while overlooking or blowing past anything positive. Letting these small irritations build and build until you reach the “final straw” and explode, often over something relatively minor.

Low tolerance: People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake.

Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications.

EFFECTS OF CHRONIC ANGER

Chronic, explosive anger has serious consequences for your relationships, your health, your career and your state of mind.

Chronic anger causes lasting scars in the people you love most and gets in the way of your friendships and work relationships. Chronic, intense anger makes it hard for others to speak honestly, or feel comfortable, because they never know what is going to set you off or what you will do.

When you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and non adrenaline. So regularly feeling chronic anger makes you more susceptible to heart disease, diabetes, high cholesterol levels, a weakened immune system, insomnia, and high blood pressure.

Frequent lashing out naturally alienates your colleagues, supervisors, or clients and erodes their respect. What’s more, a bad reputation can follow you wherever you go, making it harder and harder to get ahead.

Chronic anger consumes huge amounts of mental energy and clouds your thinking, making it harder to concentrate, see the bigger picture, and enjoy life. It can also lead to stress, depression, and other mental health problems.

MANAGING & CONTROLING ANGER Managing anger is one of the greatest tasks in this world. Usually you either express anger or suppress anger. Unless you understand your anger and have full control of it, both ways can create many problems in your life.

Angry words, once spoken out without control, will have bigger vibration result than you can imagine. What you get is only the more things that make you feel more angry. Ambrose Bierce, said aptly in his “The Devil’s Dictionary”, “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret”.

If anger is not allowed outward expression, it can turn inward and become more harmful. Unexpressed anger can create other problems like hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression. Suppressed anger makes one perpetually cynical and hostile. Sometimes it makes one to withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill.

The third way is to control and manage anger constructively.

You can not get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions. One of the great things about human existence is our ability to interject something between stimulus and response. Thus, no one can really "make you mad;" you choose in each instance to become angry. So if you are choosing anger, then you also have the ability to choose another response. You can express anger in healthy and constructive ways.

Experts say that you can manage anger anytime.

You can manage anger before it even shows in You can manage anger when you are angry You can manage anger even after your expressing anger

Managing anger before it ever appears

Manage your anger before it manages you. This is the ‘prevention is better than cure’ approach. This is actually the best time for anger management.

First understand the root cause of anger in general and of your anger and anger patterns in particular. Mostly you get angry for two main reasons. You become angry because something or someone has done something against your expectations. Or if your ego is hurt you may become angry.

Both are senseless. Can you always rise to the level of your expectation? The honest answer would be “NO”. Then why should you get angry when someone is not acting according to your expectation. Understand that ego itself is a disease. Dissolve your ego as far as possible. Regular relaxation, meditation, simplicity, loving yourself and others, sense of humour and understanding human behaviour will help you a lot in this regard.

Managing anger when you are angry This is the most difficult stage to manage because you are the person who is angry and you are the person who is to manage yourself.

When you recognize that you are angry withdraw yourself from the situation to avoid irreparable or irreversible damage to self, others, relationships, and the environment. Just stop doing what you have been doing. Walk around or sit calmly for a few minutes. If possible, divert your attention to something else that can relax you, like humorous films and calming music.

As far as possible do not swear to yourself or shout like: ‘ I will teach you/him/her a lesson. I will show you/him/her’ etc. This will act as a program and will be stored in your mind as negative energy. Mind will tend to act towards actualizing it.

Get into the company of persons you love or who love you and understand you. Read inspirational and soothing books.

Managing anger after the incident

Though the damage is done, still you can do something to repair the damage. Apologize if it is appropriate. Do something to recharge your relationship with the persons affected by your temper. If you have disturbed the environment by throwing something, or destroying something, take time to reinstate them as far as possible.

Practice relaxation, meditation or any releasing technique so that all pending stress energy is either released or dissolved without disturbing yourself, others or the environment.

Analyze and find out the root cause of your anger. If you had foolish expectations from others come out of them. Learn the lessons from the angry incidents and make sure that they would not be repeated.

From time to time remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything. It won't make you feel better and it may actually make you feel worse. Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use pure sensible logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the people are "not out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it will help you get a more balanced perspective.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Happiness is something everyone wants to achieve. While on the surface people may seem to be looking for money, recognition, or other things, what they actually seek is happiness. Unfortunately, many people never reach the level of happiness they desire. The Problem is, we’re chasing after the wrong things to make us happy.Happiness is a state of mind, therefore the real source of happiness lies in the mind, not in external circumstances. How we view ourselves and our world are conscious choices and habits. The lens we choose to view everything through determines how we will interpret what is happening. And from our interpretation we act. And all of this becomes our life. We can choose to find happiness in small, everyday things. We can choose to interpret what happens in a positive or negative way. And our choices control much of how much happiness we will find and create in our life.Often we feel we cannot live a happy life due to circumstances we think are out of our control. That is almost always not true. We may think that we are the exception to the rule. It is not suggested that tragic events do not happen to people and cause great sadness, but our ability to live a happy life is not based on outside sources. Nothing outside of ourselves can make us feel long-term inner-peace and happiness. Conversely, nothing outside of ourselves has the power to keep us chained to long-term unhappiness. If we are unhappy for extended periods of time it is because we have chosen it unconsciously. Nothing is good or bad. It just is. We are the ones who assign the labels of good and bad. By labeling the things, persons and experiences we let them influence us positively or adversely. Our happiness is our responsibility. Let us not blame outside condition or other people if we are not happy. While things around us could change and go bad, we can decide how we will respond to them. Moreover Conditional happiness is always short-lived, because it is never long before there is something else to change or fix.Here are some tips to find happiness –1. Find your inner voiceTo find true happiness, you must first find your inner voice. Slow down and take some quiet time for soul searching. What will make your life meaningful? What is true happiness for you? By knowing what your heart says, it will be easier for you to align with it.2. Stop comparing yourself with othersComparing yourself with others won’t do you any good. You will either feel proud when you are above, or feel jealous and frustrated when you are below. As said earlier you begin to label. Remember, none of them brings true happiness. So stop comparing yourself with others and simply be your best.3. Count your blessingsThere are so many things we should be grateful for, but we often forget them. When you realize how blessed you are, you will certainly be happier. We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.4. Help othersGiving is an essential key to happiness. While we often think that we will be happier when we receive, the truth is we are happier when we give. You can understand this when you lend a helping hand to someone in need. 5. Spend more quality time with your loved onesRelationships give us happiness more than any material in the world. So spend more quality time with your loved ones. In such moments, be sure that you devote your undivided attention to them. Divided attention with so many things will decrease the quality of the time.6. Appreciate natureThe beauty of the nature can give you peace. Go out and see how beautiful the nature is. Watch singing birds, blooming flowers, playing children, sunrise and sunset etc., and let you be happy once again.7. SmileSmiling is a very simple thing to do, and yet it has great effect. There mere act of smiling can brighten your otherwise dark day.8. Forgive yourself and othersAll of us have mistakes in the past. No one is perfect. But if we let our past mistakes intimidate us we can no longer live to our full potential. So forgive yourself and release the burden.Besides forgiving yourself, you should also forgive other people who did wrong to you. Not forgiving them will only hurt you. Again, you should release the burden so that you can find happiness. As Robert Muller said, “To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness”.9. Focus on what you can controlAs Epictetus said, “There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” Trying to change things beyond your control will only frustrate you. Recognize what you can and can’t control, and focus solely on the things you can control. For instance, you can’t change how people around you behave, but you can change yours. So focus on changing your own behavior instead of changing theirs.Here are some beautiful quotes on “Happiness” by great people. Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.-Abraham LincolnVery little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.-Marcus Aurelius AntoninusWhen one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.-Helen KellerSince you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give.-Eleanor RooseveltThousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.-BuddhaIf thou wilt make a man happy, add not unto his riches but take away from his desires.-EpicurusYou can never get enough of what you don’t need to make you happy.-Eric HofferThat man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest.-Henry David Thoreau-N.GANESHAN