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June 9, 2011

The first _______ of _______ tastes like _________.

I wish I could write beyond that line. I have many angles I could take it but what I really want to write is how I am about to Google "is it depression if you know the reason why you're sad?"

: : :

I am having a hard time. I can not write about it. I think everything is okay, and as usual everything is going to be okay. But I'm hanging on the line right now, I'm kind of letting everything else fall... elsewhere. I probably won't be able to answer your emails or comments for who knows how long, and that eats at my heart. But I am not deleting a one of them, and will get there, in time.

We all eventually arrive, if not on time, in time.

You tell me: The first _______ of _______ tastes/smells/sounds/feels/looks like _________.

Steph, I am thinking of you and wishing for blue skies and rainbows to appear for ya (cheesy, but hey). In times like these I (try to) remind myself that once gotten through the sweet times are sweeter.

Depression sucks big time. Having lived with and still inside of darkness I understand. I will not give false platitudes there will be good days though mixed in the bad. I can't take meds ever but am learning to find the real me inside. We are all much stronger than we think and somedays when I feel I must die because to go one step further is just not possible some how I end up going one step. So even though life hurts I will go just one more step. Just oneHugs

I hear you Steph...I've been struggling too and finally made an appointment to see my doctor about depression. I don't really want to take pills, but I also don't want to wake up 10 years from now and feel like I've missed out on these precious years with my kids by being moody all the time. Sometimes it feels like too much and most days I feel like a bottle of pop that's been shaken! I hope you are able to get some rest and find comfort with your family.

Sometimes dealing with the reasons that you think you are sad help you deal with the things that are really making you depressed.

Whether it's just a crummy time, closing the chapter on a season of life, saying goodbye to a friend, or any other nasty yucky thing that we often have to face. It takes a lot of strength to handle them and I'm proud of you for recognizing and identifying your "thing."

During my last pregnancy with my daughter I dealt with a horrible saddness, a black hole in my gut that ate at my from the inside. If not for a great doctor and a supportive husband I'm certain that neither she or I would be here today. I dealt with my "thing," and dealing with it has given me the courage to face those "other things" that I never thought I could overcome.

I stand taller today because I made it through that... and it's still a work in progress. You are SO RIGHT, we all eventually arrive, if not on time, but on our own time. You'll get there.

I don't have a good answer, but I wanted you to know that it's sometimes better to let things fall to preserve yourself.

I had a really rough time when my son was born. Just completely overwhelmed with love with fear. Reading your blog gave me lots of hope for the fun times to come and it also let me know that things are not so perfect 100% of the time. You really helped me through my rough spot.

I understand that you can't tell the whole world what's happening, but I do want you to know that I hold you in my heart and in my prayers.

And in my own life, the answer to your question is: maybe. Maybe it's depression if you know why you are sad. Maybe it isn't.

For me, when I start asking whether it is depression, it is. I may not realize that until months later when I finally accept that my symptoms are back and I need meds again, but when I look back, there were days and days and days of asking whether it was really depression. For some of my friends, this is not the case at all. My thoughts are with you!

if you are wondering if it is depression than i think it makes sense to find a nice therapist and sit down to have a chat about it. honest. i know i is a financial investment and sometimes it feels like too much to to think about, do, or pay for if it doesn't feel like a crisis. but, still. do it.you deserve all kinds of healing.

Oh Steph, I'm so sorry. If there's anything you are able/want to talk about please send me an email. I know exactly how you feel and I've been in that same place. After we left out "cult church" we realized how controlling and manipulative they had been in the past years of our lives. Then, we left and went to this little church of about 20 people and a few months later the parents ended up beating their daughter to death and another one almost died. They had just brought us dinner after we had Finley. So, I was dealing with all of the stuff, then had a new baby, and I didn't know if it was post-partum depression or what it was called. I did end up seeing a therapist and that really helped. I'm praying for you and am here for you!

There are some beautiful words posted in these comments. Much more useful than anything o could write. And I believe that this community of women that you have crested/brought together speak the truth. I hope that you can "feed the good thoughts" and deal with the bad ones. I've been reading for awhile now, lurking until today. Feel better. There is so much life to live!

Yes, it is depression even if you know the reason why you are sad/anxious/whatever! I battled it for 5 years saying if I just meditated or changed this or that that I would heal myself. But it never happened. I was trapped inside this cramped and gloomy jail cell. I knew it wasn't me and I didn't want to feel this way, but it just didn't matter. Once I started medication, it has seriously made a night and day difference. I'm finally me again! It just makes me feel horrible to think that someone else is going through the same nightmare I did.