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4 thoughts on “Comments Please”

1) Marriage, like love, is commitment. It’s a sense that, no matter what, my wife & I will be there for each other. No. Matter. What. It isn’t about sweet feelings or physical attraction or any of the emotional fluff that folks often associate with it, but having someone who I can always trust to be there, and for whom I will always be trustworthy.
Two) A man can ‘lead’ in the home in any number of ways; it depends on the couple. While some people proscribe specific roles to men and women, I think it entirely depends on the personalities and strengths of the couple. Some even go so far as to declare that stay-at-home dads are worse than unbelievers– http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WPVxndUcHQ&feature=player_embedded (I would contend that raising your family in a Godly manner is one of our most important vocations, and a dad spending his full time life in that pursuit is a Godly thing, but I digress…)
That being said, I tend to be the money/budget person at home, and the one who thinks ahead and plans. My dear wife tends to be the person who leads by being generous to those around us and relationship-minded. She is also the leader in reminding me/us to pray together. It’s a partnership.
III) Mutual submission is one of those things that sounds good, but is hard to practice. For me, I think submission to my wife simply means considering her desires before my own. Not always giving in to every whim or deferring to her point of view, but considering what would make her better, stronger, and happier in the long run. I hope that she would do the same for me. It means making less of myself, being willing to rub her feet when my shoulders are already tired, eating crepes when I’d rather find a good burger, or not looking at certain properties in our house hunt because she is uncomfortable with living in a home with a floor below grade (flooding worries, despite mandatory disclosure requirements). Things I want or am comfortable with take a back seat to things she is uncomfortable with. My desires are diminished for the sake of loving her.
D) The most fun I had at a wedding was in Slovakia. The wedding was held in the Catholic church in the center of town, and the place was packed. (I suppose it followed the traditional wedding liturgy, but I couldn’t say for certain because it was in Slovak. The wedding started around 3pm and finished well before 4pm. The whole wedding then walked across the town square to a restaurant. We enjoyed a meal, toasted several times, and enjoyed a bunch of odd (to me) traditions, like the couple breaking a plate and sweeping it up together.

Then, the fun began. Dancing proceeded throughout the afternoon and into the evening. I toasted countless times with the father of the bride, who helped me learn to love Slivovitce. At one point, the friends of the couple distract the groom (in this case he was locked in a closet) and ‘kidnap’ the bride, taking her away to a bar elsewhere in town. In order to ‘rescue’ her, the groom must search for her, then pay the bar tab for all the guests before the whole group returns through town to the reception (where most of the family continued to dance and have a good time). Another meal was served sometime late in the evening.

I left around 3am, some 12 hours after the start of the wedding. The party was still going strong. Those Slovaks sure know how to throw a wedding!

Acceptance. Compromise. Commitment. Faithfulness. Patience. Home life. Identity. A future.

2.What does it mean for a man to lead in a home?

Gentleness. Action. Communication.

3.What does mutual submission look like in real life?

A husband and wife kneeling together by the bed to pray at the beginning and end of each day. Striving to put each other second, after God. Willingness to change together. Having a short memory for past transgressions or perceived slights.

4.Will you tell a story of the most fun you’ve had at a wedding?

The most fun I ever had was at my own wedding. Dancing with my Mom was the highlight, but it made me understand why we have weddings. At the time, I would have preferred a civil ceremony in front of a JP.

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"We write because language is the way we keep a hold on life. With words we experience our deepest understandings of what it means to be intimate." --bell hooks in a book about writing.

"...the artist must bow to the monitor of his own imagination; must be led by the sovereignty of his own impressions and perceptions; must be guided by the tyranny of what troubles and concerns him personally..." --Richard Wright in a letter to Antonio Frasconi

"I mean the common run of us who love magnificence, beauty, poetry and color so much that there can never be too much of it. Who do not feel that the ridiculous has been achieved when some one decorates a decoration. That is my viewpoint. I see a preacher as a man outside of the pulpit and so far as I am concerned he should be to follow his bent as other men." --Zora Neale Hurston writing to James Weldon Johnson

"But that is the rub from any angle--getting the chance." --Claude McKay

"I am in between. Trying to write to be understood by those who matter to me, yet also trying to push my mind with ideas beyond the everyday. It’s a purgatory I inhabit. Not quite here nor there. On good days I feel I am a bridge. On bad days I just feel alone."
--Sergio Troncoso