Why I Would Die in a Plane Crash

Most of us have been on a plane and we all know the rules. Fasten seat belts, store luggage under seat or overhead, in case of an emergency know where your nearest exit is and if oxygen levels lower put on your own mask before helping someone next to you.

The definition of being a mom (in my book) is embodying selflessness, always thinking of others before yourself, giving, caring, self-sacrificing, loving, showing kindness, the list is endless…

As a mom there is something built inside you the moment that precious little baby is born, a vow that you will take care of them no matter what it takes. You would give up anything and everything to make them safe and to give them the things you never had.

On a daily basis, most mothers get their children completely dressed with coordinating shoes and accessories, hair styled, teeth brushed, breakfast made and deposited into empty bellies, all before we are able to throw on our best sweats, get our hair in a pony-tail (yet again) and get our own teeth brushed (usually). We run errands, clean the house, organize playdates, drop off, pick up, the list is endless. I have friends who wonder why some people have set their profile picture on social media set to show just their kids, instead of themselves. Are you kidding me? THIS IS WHY! Our children (usually) always look cute (even if they are covered in dirt) because we put them first and us last.

At meal time, it usually looks like this for me; I cook the food, put plates down on the table, pray, kids begin to eat, the dog gets fed, I get my own meal ready, then, just as I sit down and begin to put that first bite into my mouth the baby is already saying “All Done!” Even the dog eats before I do!!

But after a recent trip I was reminded of something very important. As a mom, we tend to give of ourselves all day, every day. Give, give, give. If I were on a plane I know I would put my child’s oxygen mask on BEFORE putting on my own, putting myself at risk. But isn’t that motherhood?!? I mean, what kind of mother would I be if I didn’t save my baby before myself? That is why I would die on a plane crash, because I would be taking care of my children first (as any mom would do). But then I would probably have mom guilt even looking down from Heaven if anything happened to me and I left my children without a mom and my husband a widow. Oh the struggle. The guilt.

Hence the incredible amount of mom guilt I feel on an average day when I feel like I didn’t protect my baby from an injury, couldn’t take a cold away, got frustrated with them and they had to ask if I still loved them. I experience mom guilt ALL. THE. TIME.

But is being a mom never putting yourself first? Should we always be putting ourselves on the back burner? Always making sure everyone else’s needs are met before our own?

Recently I joined a gym that I had intended to bring my kids along with me while I worked out. I researched all of the local gyms and found out which ones were the most family friendly, with the best kids’ areas. Turns out in theory that sounds really nice, but reality is a whole different ball game. The first time we brought the kids they did fine, but the second time it was all tears and my husband spent the entire hour “workout” playing in the sandbox. Each time I have tried to go since then, the baby cries the second we enter the building. Enter mom guilt here.

I found myself making excuses not to go work out because I didn’t want my kids to be unhappy. I did not want to cause undue stress and anxiety on my children just because mommy needed to go work out. But what about my own happiness and well-being? Was I not allowed to think about that? After an internal struggle I finally came up with the answer; yes, I AM allowed to think about my own self. The saying “happy wife, happy life” It should also read “happy mom, happy family.” Even during the most difficult moments when the kids are crying and don’t want me to leave, I am now attempting to work out, for one hour, once a week. Some days they come and get me after only 15 minutes, other times I have made it for 45 minutes. Do I still feel guilty when I know she is crying? YES. Will it ever go away? I’m not sure. Maybe talk to me in another year or decade and I’ll let ya know.

I have said it before, and I will say it again, being a mom is the hardest job in the world. It is the only job where everyday you feel like you failed at least one person (and sometimes that person is yourself). But maybe, just maybe, after putting on the oxygen mask of our children we won’t completely forget to put on one of our own.

This article has 24 comments

Love this post! I can totally relate because I dealt with same questions and struggles my entire motherhood. It’s only after kids began kindergarten that I started caring for myself including working out and meeting w friends. Now that I’m back to being pregnant and having a new baby, this worries the most–i had gotten used to the “me” time and don’t want to sacrifice it again. I think its great that you began working out. Its the best gift you can give yourself and it will give you so much more energy. This third time around I plan on doing it even if it means a crying child for an hour…now I know how to put my needs first so I don’t burn out. Hang in there mama, you are doing great!!

I am sure most moms can relate to what you said in your article. I know I do.. I am currently only working part time for my chef career and I am at a crossroad thinking if I should leave my baby with someone else just so I can get working on my career more. I probably won’t do that, but there is so much pressure from both sides. And guilt, yes…the guilt!

Oh the struggle. Oh the guilt. It is SO REAL! I am sure you are doing an amazing job and we will never get these years back while they are young, so I am trying to embrace even the struggles! Thank you for stopping by and reading! XOXO!

I am plagued every day by the guilt you’re talking about. We care so much about being our own version of “perfect” for the sake of our families. But that is an unfair expectation, especially during the tough seasons that we all go through! Thank you for posting this… my kids melt down every time I leave them at the church nursery. I feel terrible for the volunteers, and wonder how they’re doing… but I am FILLED by the end of that hour! I should add the gym! You’re so encouraging, Jenny! xo

Oh the struggles! We tried church too, but little miss just doesn’t stand for it and the mom guilt became too much. So now I am trying to sit out on the patio with her while watching the service. I know its just a season because little man does great now when we take him to the kids area! All in time I suppose. God is good and I trust him that he will get us through these trying times and all the guilt we put on ourselves! Love you! You are doing an amazing job! XOXO!!

So true!!!: ) I will never forget the first time I got all the kids in the car, snacks, sunscreen, waters, toys, etc…got to the park and realized I had forgotten my shoes!!! Barefoot!!! My goodness!! After a moment of I am going to die, I laughed and thought “this is such a mom moment” right now. We do put our kids happiness/needs first, and have mom guilt 24/7!!! But like you said it is so important to take the time doing whatever makes us happy, too! Even superwoman takes moments off! : ) XOXO

What a funny story about your shoes! That sounds about right though!;) I swear some days I never look in the mirror and realize at the end of the day what a total mess I am…oh well, this too shall pass, right?!? Love you! XOXO!

The daily mommy guilt struggle is so real! Get your hour in mama. You sweet babes will be even better for it because like you said, happy mommy happy family. And I’ll be praying that they get used to the gym daycare so that it isn’t such an emotional strain on you every time you want to go and workout.

My son is not even 8 months old and I completely relate to this. I have just recently started to feel ready to start taking better care of myself, which I know I greatly need to. Nursing makes it hard for me to be away from my son, I’m anxious that he’ll be hungry when I’m away (which is ridiculous because he takes bottles of breastmilk just fine when I’m at work). I’m trying to balance putting him first and taking care of me too!

Of course you can relate…the guilt begins as soon as they are born! Oh the struggle! Keep up the good work, nursing is not easy and can be exhausting, especially if you are pumping too! So much work! Just don’t add guilt if you ever need a break. Working outside the home, nursing, being a mom, that is a lot on your plate. Sending love your way!!

This was wonderful. And somehow just what I needed to read today. And it’s funny. We were just on a plane and I thought the exact same thing. That I would put theirs on first. Makes you think. This was a wonderful post!
Kealahttp://www.recipeforasweetlife.com

Mom life is a selfless life! We have to remember that we’re no use to our children if our batteries aren’t charged (the same way we’d be useless without an oxygen mask). Yes, being a mom means putting everyone’s needs before our own, but every mom needs some ‘me’ time. 😉

I always love the plane analogy. It would be such a struggle to put yourself first in that moment but if you tried to put your children’s on first, they’d likely pass out and you’d be useless to them. It really speaks to the struggle of motherhood, putting yourself first sometimes because when you’ve taken care of yourself you’re usually much more capable of taking care of and giving your best self to those you love. The struggle is real. Great post.

I loved so much about this post I don\’t even know where to start! I have often wondered what I would actually do in a plane crash would I actually put the mask on myself first like I\’m supposed to? Or would I let my mom instincts take over and take care of my children first? And it\’s such a good analogy to our everyday lives as moms!