Juan Valdez made a shit load of money by being a tool for drug cartels masquerading as Colombian coffee growers.

So, what did he do with his riches and for keeping mum about the white-stuff smuggled in coffee cans? He shoots his donkey and buys himself an imposter 959.

Look, botched modifications on any 911, even this not so desirable year, is a crime. It figures this car landed in Queens because this is the likeliest place to find shit like this. A quick look at this heap reveals a whole lotta un-fucking to do for the dumbass who buys it at this insulting price. $25,000? Can I pull up my pants now?

For this kinda money, you can pick a pretty decent, un-molested, SC. And if this is, in fact, a second year US 930, the price may sound enticing...but you'll never know what kinda train wreck this really is; hell you might be chasing your tail finding the missing pieces. I guess the shitty kit, the Borbet wheels which I can't even see, and the RECAROS, justify the insane price this cat is asking. The best part of this ad is Juan...the motherfucker's aged pretty badly; he can't even hold his piss anymore as evident in one the pictures where he's candidly caught looking at the wet spot in the front of his trousers.

Well, I'd give this guy $5000 because it would take me about $20,000 to make things right again. Besides, you can't drive a car like this with dimples ahead of the rear wheels where a 959 would normally have air ducts leading to the inter-coolers because this thing would whistle like the bomb that was dropped on Hiroshima.