Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Look, if whore-loving monger of whores Eliot Spitzer can be credited with performing a great service to the nation, it is this: that dude who opened up a can of terrorist whoop-ass on a single pane of glass in Times Square is gone from the news cycle. That guy is now the Representative Gary Condit of the Spitzer meltdown. He's probably basking right now, thinking to himself, "Whoo! The heat's off me, now." IT WAS NEVER ON YOU JAG-OFF. You broke a fucking window.

Were it not for Spitzer, though, who knows? We might deep down the Times Square IED rabbithole by now! Consider the reaction of Retro Dickshit Oliver North - a guy who aided and abetted an arms sale to hostile regime and yet hasn't been waterboarded for shit yet!

Last month, of course, the U.S. House of Representatives at the direction of Nancy Pelosi went on vacation rather than voting on the Protect America Act, which provided for wiretapping of terrorists making phone calls into and out of the United States to foreign places. And I note that it would have been a lot easier, perhaps, to find out who did this, or even to know that they were planning it, had we been able to intercept those communications.

Intercept communications? Is Oliver North kidding? See: this is why these wiretap fantasies are such bullshit. We just cannot tap the phones of every window-breaking motherfucker in the country. What a waste of time that would be! And could you imagine what would happen if we put every hoodie-wearing, erratic bicycle-riding fuckstain in Manhattan under surveillance? You'd have agents worried about how they were going to avert the coming Vampire Weekend and shit.

It should be noted, though, that 1115.org caught the guys from ThinkProgress losing their minds on the matter as well:

North’s comments are a sad attempt to politicize a tragic bombing.

Jesus. Look, I think we can all agree that incidents that result in the sorts of inconveniences that can be solved by $75 and a trip to Home Depot are not tragedies.

So, thanks to Eliot Spitzer and his need to be waist deep in poon. Otherwise we would have ended up with Bono at the Superbowl, singing with an American Flag sewn into his jacket lining, as the casualties of this "tragic bombing" are projected onto a screen: "Pane of Glass. Door Frame. Our National Sense of Perspective."