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Are you living in appreciation or fear of loss?

Well, my husband and I survived our time apart – just. He has come back with some gems from all that time of reflection and contemplation, and although I haven’t checked, I’m sure he won’t mind me sharing one of them here 🙂

If you read this blog often, you’ll know that while I don’t always achieve it, I strive to live in a spirit of thankfulness. And true thankfulness and gratitude was a major theme for my husband last week, which has made me do a check on myself and see if my level of thankfulness is where it should be. It isn’t of course, so it’s been a great reminder.

I came across a quote today that said:

Fearing to lose what you have is not the same as appreciation. You have to take a step beyond that. ~ Terri Guillemets

It’s interesting isn’t it? We all fear losing people and things. We sometimes fear losing them so much that we grip them rather tightly and become so full of that fear of their loss that we choke out any thankfulness for the person or possession.

It’s easy to get them mixed up and equate our fear of loss with our level of appreciation and gratitude. But, as the quote says, there needs to be a step beyond that.

So how do we know if it’s fear of losing something or true appreciation?

I think the answer is in our response to the thought of it being lost. I think if we can let something or someone go and still be thankful that we had it or them, then we have been truly living in appreciation and gratitude.

Part of living immersed in a spirit of thankfulness is recognising we don’t deserve it. When we live in fear of losing something or someone, I wonder if it’s because deep down, we think it’s our right to have that thing or that person in our life.

If we can hold people and things loosely, with no sense of entitlement; if we can just dwell in that sense of appreciation and thankfulness; if we can simply allow the ebb and flow of life to give and take, as it does, maybe we will find that our spirits soar to the heavens in an unending stream of gratitude for the beauty, and the loss, that is allowed to colour our lives.

Maybe we will be released from the grip of fear and live inside the sweet peace that comes from a thankful heart.

But I think some folk hold on tightly because they don’t think themselves deserving and so are petrified that the undeserved thing will be lost to them. They can’t loose the reins or unclasp their hands because they’re afraid. The lack of security comes from not understanding their value to God and their place in the world.

Certainly, as you say, some others have a false sense of self-worth and consider themselves deserving, but I’ve dealt with far more who act out of an insecurity and fear because they don’t know the source of peace.

I think of the times I’ve feared loss–such as the real gut wrenching agony when Michael battled the sea a continent away and I had no way of knowing if he were going to make it back home. It all came down to trust, but those prayers were wrenched from me: “Yet though You slay me, still will I trust You,” I said along with Job. But I know the One who loves me, whose love has been proven again and again. What about those who don’t know?

If we believe we are known and that we count, we can much more easily loose the bonds we long to tie around our children, our mate, oh, and our stuff. And, letting go, can say, “Thank you for the gift of these.”

Yes, you’re right Normandie, I guess it is the people who are insecure who hold too tightly, too. I have met, and know, so many people who feel they are entitled to any and every perceived ‘blessing’, and their level of thankfulness is alarmingly low. If we feel we somehow deserve it, we tend not to be thankful, it seems. Even something as small as saying thank you to wait staff for food we have ordered. It amazes me the number of people who, because they ordered it and therefore are ‘owed’ it, don’t even bother to utter a word of thanks.

Like you said, too, knowing the One who is the ultimate Giver of peace and the One we should be thankful to for everything allows us to let go and not hold on to people and things so tightly.

Thanks for your comment which has added so much to the conversation and given me more to think about x

I love “If we can hold people and things loosely, with no sense of entitlement; …” I’ve learned this in friendships, but not in my marriage. I have a ways to go there. I appreciate something to hold onto as I strive to be thankful for where we are now, instead of whining about where we’ve been.

Kim, yes, I think it’s something we all must continually strive for and will always have a ways to go with. I thought I held on to my husband loosely but discovered, after a week apart with no contact, that my fear of losing him is alive and well!
Nice to know we are all travelling this road together, isn’t it 🙂