You know that person who goes on holiday to Bali and spends the whole time lounging by the pool, tanning their extremities and checking their blackberry for work emails?

Nadine Dorries is that person.

After being voted out of I'm A Celebrity last night, the tory MP has admitted that the first thing she did after emerging from the jungle was to scroll through her inbox.

Personally, we'd have opted for having a hot shower, but whatever.

“There’s been an office set up in my hotel room and I’ve already been back at work actually. What is overnight to you – as soon as I got out of the jungle I was straight back to work. It’s interesting actually, because some of the emails and the stuff that I’ve seen while you’ve been overnight in the UK, states that I’m not there for my constituents. Well actually, I worked right until the second I left and I worked all the way through the summer recess, I actually only had four days away during the summer when other MPs were abroad for four or five weeks at a time, I worked all the way through the summer.

“I did my surgeries right up until the minute I left and only one person has booked in for next month's surgery. So it's quite interesting some of the flak that's been thrown at me, just, I'm afraid isn't true. My office is being manned, my staff have been working hard and I’m back at work already.”

Hopefully having washed her hair.

ITV

09:37am

Somewhere in the music industry, four people have stopped crying over Ella Henderson's departure from the X Factor for long enough to start a bidding war over who gets to sign her.

Apparently Simon Cowell's label Syco is desperate to call dibs on the 16-year-old, but they're up against Columbia, RCA and Epic. Which makes it all very exciting.

But we're going to carry on crying for a bit longer.

09:51am

Jack Whitehall really reallyreallywants to be part of an epic fantasy film series. Because he's really reallyreallycool like that.

"I was the first person in the world to audition forThe Hobbit," he told Shortlist. "The casting director told me that when I went in,"

"That's a lot of pressure, isn't it? The first person in the world. That's probably why I f**ked the audition up."

That, or maybe just because he didn't know what part he was auditioning for. And we hear that that helps with auditions. Probably.

"An elf, I think. No, a hobbit. One of the 'dwarfy' ones. I haven't read the book."

splash

Jack wasn't just interested in the free trip to New Zealand though - he auditioned for Harry Potter too. So y'know: he's committed to this career path.

"I didn't get past the first audition," he admitted. "I had read those books."

Oh well.

09:59am

It's time to pull your saddest faces, don your black and mourn the death of another celebrity marriage.

The couple have been together for nine years, and have two children, but they're citing "irreconcilable differences" behind the split. So we're guessing it's a bit worse than forgetting to unload the dishwasher and buying the wrong shape of pasta for tea.

Blossom Mayim released a statement on her website saying: "The hands-on style of parenting we practice played no role in the changes that led to this decision," adding, "relationships are complicated no matter what style of parenting you choose."

"The main priority for us now is to make the transition to two loving homes as smooth and painless as possible. Our sons deserve parents committed to their growth and health and that's what we are focusing on."

Sad faces sad faces sad faces.

10:23am

Can you believe(hahahahahaha we're hilarious) that Cher's releasing a new single?

"'when I started singing it I thought about strong Famous Women..Then I Thought 'fk That''THIS IS A WOMAN'S WORLD' We're All Strong ! MEN 2," Cher tweeted.

We're going to make angsty "yeah!" noises for a minute, and then have a listen to the track itself:

Sometimes we drift off and imagine ourselves in Little Mix's wardrobe, trying on shoes with heels up to our knees, and wearing tights with ladders in themon purpose.

And now Little Mix have revealed who they base their style on. Which was kind of them, because that means we can do the same thing.

Just with slightly smaller heels. Obvs.

Perrie Edwards says her style icon as Saved By The Bell character Kelly Kapowski, played by Tiffani Amber Thiessen. "I love her wardrobe, I want all her clothes," she said."And Saved by the Bell is the sickest programme out there."

We're not sure if Perrie was alive when Saved By The Bell was out there. But we don't want to dwell on that in case it makes us feel old.

Jade Thirlwall chose Alexa Chung. "This is my favourite style icon because I think she's wicked," she said. "She dresses quite boy but at the same time really cute and girly. She's one of my inspirations."

Quick - spread the word to everybody who's camping outside HMV, counting down the seconds until Tulisa's debut album goes on sale next week and clawing at the window displays - because the release has been pushed back BY A WHOLE SEVEN DAYS.

Tulisa's album and new single, Sight Of You, will now be released on December 3rd.

And to coincide with the reschedule, the singer's performance on the X Factor has been moved to December the 2nd too.

We have no idea why any of this has happened. We don't really care. We're just going to watch her music video and pretend that this was the plan all along.

Which we're not sure if you're allowed to do if you're an OBE-medal-owner. It might be against the rules.

"I might have to be honest on Saturday night and go: 'Rylan, I thought that was absolute s****'," he said, before asking the crowds what they thought of Nicole's X Factor act - riling them all up into a big angry mob in the process.

"Get him out!" they yelled, while stamping their feet and being mob-like.

"I'm glad you agree," replied Gary, conveniently forgetting that everybody was still going to go home and vote for RyRy anyway.

*We're not really. And anyway, she gave an OBE to Kate Winslet too for her work with charities like Cardboard Citizens, Cardboard Citizens and um, Cardboard Citizens (plus a few other ones - they're just the best of the bunch). So that was a good decision.

Although we would like somebody to investigate whether or not there's been an increase in sea-based fatalities after Kate taught the world how to stand on the front of a boat and let go of the safety barrier. But that's a different matter altogether.

11:21am

OOPS WE FORGOT TO TELL YOU WHO WEARS HUMAN TEETH FOR UNDERWEAR.

SPLASH

It was Ke$ha.

Aren't you surprised?

11:38am

DING DING DING (that's the kind of noise that they make in wrestling matches, right? Right).

Rylan has replied to Gary's outburst, tweeting "I'm on the X Factor... not The Voice... cheers"

"I'd rather be 'absolute s***' than just stand there and sing the same old stuff every week on the spot....... #boreme @GBarlowOfficial,"

Oh dear.

11:52am

Everybody who likes Ellie Goulding and Skillrex can breathe a sigh of relief.

(Everybody who doesn't like Ellie Goulding and Skillrex can continue going about their daily business.)

Because the singer has confirmed that she's going to continue releasing music with her ex boyfriend, despite splitting up with him last month.

"Me and my ex Sonny (Skrillex) are good mates, we're even going to make music together next year. Our own little project which will be released," she said,

"Everyone loves the Twilight track. We work really well together, we've found we really do connect in that way. It will be something a bit more electronic, it won't be like my music."

"[The split] was literally because we didn't see each other enough.

"It's really sad. He's one of my best mates, it's a shame. He is a really beautiful person, he's the nicest human being."

Aww.

12:07pm

It's that time of day again.

The best time of day.

The time of day when we give you a video of a small boy playing the ukelele.

And then we leave you in peace for four and a half minutes to watch it three times in a row.

"Don't think people understand some of the stuff that I get sent day in and day out. Some of you should be locked away for your comments," he wrote, after receiving some really horrible messages over the social media site.

"Regarding my sexuality, it's absolutely disgraceful. Imagine that was your son or brother that was receiving those messages enough is enough"

"I'm a 24 year old normal boy who has auditioned for Xfactor, never come from money, my mother is seriously ill, and not one have I used that"

"As a sob story or a reason to validate my place on the show, I would rather be judged on the reason why I'm actually on the show to sing"

"And perform, I TOTALLY understand I haven't got the best voice in the competition but have proved that I can just stand there and sing"

"I love to perform hense the reason I like to put on a show every Saturday night, for those of you that have supported me thank you do much"

"It means the world, unlike others, the truth will always out in the end and I look forward to the day when people see that I have been"

To which Big Si embarrassingly replied: "I'm kind of getting there yeah..!"

A few jokes were made about keeping it clean and PG – before fellow judge Demi Lovato quizzed Simon: "Why are you so red?"

Khloe teased him: "You're blushing!"

He eventually managed to stutter his words out, saying: "I'm finding this quite difficult but I'm enjoying it. Next up it's Fifth Harmony."

Khloe’s fam were in the audience including sister Kim and her boyfriend Kanye West. Here they all are arriving at the X Factor studios...

Barcroft

12:39pm

It's not exactly a rave up but considering the festival season is over, we're bringing you types who still have your Reading '08 wristband on some news.

If you fancy a little bit of jazz (who dosen't? OH, that's nearly everyone) then prepare yourself for the first of it's kind in over 20 years, since the Beaulieu Jazz fest changed genre to cater for emotional teenagers and became *drum roll* Reading Festival.

So making a return, Jools Holland, Marcus Miller and Branford Marsalis Quartet among others are all confirmed for the return of the UK green-field jazz festival.

It's called the Love Supreme Festival and it's taking place at Glynde Place, East Sussex (near Brighton), between 5-7 July 2013.