Crisis line for seniors struggling for survival as grant ends

Volunteer counselor Lynn Elwell dials a client on the phone in the Friendship Line office at the Institute on Aging April 30, 2015 in San Francisco, Calif. Elwell has been volunteering for seven years with the line after she retired from her counseling work. The warm line, which is a 40-year-old program, is run through the Institute on Aging's Center for Elderly Suicide Prevention and Grief-Related Services provides crisis intervention. Counselors provide well-being check-ins, medical reminders and emotional support to anyone who calls in. less

Volunteer counselor Lynn Elwell dials a client on the phone in the Friendship Line office at the Institute on Aging April 30, 2015 in San Francisco, Calif. Elwell has been volunteering for seven years with the ... more

Photo: Leah Millis, The Chronicle

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Leah Khaghani talks with a client over the phone in the Friendship Line office at the Institute on Aging April 30, 2015 in San Francisco, Calif. The warm line, which is a 40-year-old program, is run through the Institute on Aging's Center for Elderly Suicide Prevention and Grief-Related Services provides crisis intervention. Counselors provide well-being check-ins, medical reminders and emotional support to anyone who calls in. less

Leah Khaghani talks with a client over the phone in the Friendship Line office at the Institute on Aging April 30, 2015 in San Francisco, Calif. The warm line, which is a 40-year-old program, is run through the ... more

Photo: Leah Millis, The Chronicle

Image 3 of 5

Jobyna Dellar chats with a client on the phone in the Friendship Line office at the Institute on Aging April 30, 2015 in San Francisco, Calif. Dellar has been a volunteer for almost two years and says she loves it. "I just really like making people laugh," she said. The warm line, which is a 40-year-old program, is run through the Institute on Aging's Center for Elderly Suicide Prevention and Grief-Related Services provides crisis intervention. Counselors provide well-being check-ins, medical reminders and emotional support to anyone who calls in. less

Jobyna Dellar chats with a client on the phone in the Friendship Line office at the Institute on Aging April 30, 2015 in San Francisco, Calif. Dellar has been a volunteer for almost two years and says she loves ... more

Photo: Leah Millis, The Chronicle

Image 4 of 5

Volunteer Melissa answers the phone in the Friendship Line office at the Institute on Aging in S.F.

Volunteer Melissa answers the phone in the Friendship Line office at the Institute on Aging in S.F.

Photo: Leah Millis, The Chronicle

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A note for volunteers sits on a cork board in the Friendship Line office at the Institute on Aging April 30, 2015 in San Francisco, Calif. The warm line, which is a 40-year-old program, is run through the Institute on Aging's Center for Elderly Suicide Prevention and Grief-Related Services provides crisis intervention. Counselors provide well-being check-ins, medical reminders and emotional support to anyone who calls in. less

A note for volunteers sits on a cork board in the Friendship Line office at the Institute on Aging April 30, 2015 in San Francisco, Calif. The warm line, which is a 40-year-old program, is run through the ... more

Photo: Leah Millis, The Chronicle

Crisis line for seniors struggling for survival as grant ends

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When the phone rang, it was the lady whose granddaughter forgot about her. When it rang again, it was the old man who was feeling unhappy because his TV broke.

Many phone calls these days are junk. Those aren’t. All calls to the Friendship Line are important, including those from a forgotten, lonely grandma.

“We answer every call,” said Patrick Arbore, a grief counselor and the founder of the only crisis intervention line in California specifically for seniors. “We want to talk to everybody who wants to talk to us. It’s a lot better to prevent a mental health crisis than deal with it after it happens.”

The Friendship Line, a small room full of phones in the Richmond District that has received 100,000 calls a year since 1973, is a facing a crisis of its own. That’s because the state has decided to discontinue a $700,000 mental health grant. On July 1, there may be nobody to answer the phone.

Most crisis lines specialize in young people because, said Arbore, the world specializes in young people. Not the Friendship Line. An old person who begins to contemplate suicide is six times more likely to go through with it than a young person in the same state of mind, Arbore said.

“Older people,” Arbore said, “are less ambivalent about living.”

“In our society, the message is don’t get old,” he said. “How are you supposed to age gracefully when no one will let you do that?”

On a typical morning recently at the Friendship Line phone bank, three volunteers who identify themselves by their first names took calls from strangers and phoned previous callers who needed to hear some encouragement and a friendly voice.

Hearing a friendly voice

Kim took a call from a man who was depressed about the drought. The two of them chatted about the pluses and minuses of shorter showers. Kim said “uh huh” a lot.

Jobyna took a call from a woman who was depressed about having to clean her house by herself instead of with her granddaughter, who was supposed to come over and help. The two of them chatted about how best to unclutter a house. Jobyna said “I see” a lot.

Melissa dialed a number on her callback list and said she “just wanted to check up on you and say hi.” She said “hi” and stayed on the line 10 minutes because the client wanted to talk about her late husband.

None of the callers was suicidal, but nobody calls a crisis line if there’s something else to do. The more intense calls tend to come in the middle of the night, Arbore said, when the world is a darker place with darker thoughts.

The Friendship Line volunteers are trained to ask if the caller has planned how to commit suicide — the more detailed the plan, the more serious the threat. Volunteers are also trained to know when to shut up and listen.

Defunding a crisis line is shortsighted, he said. A call to a crisis line might cost the state a few dollars. If the caller phones 911 instead and gets an ambulance ride and an emergency room visit, that can cost the state a few thousand dollars.

One-time grant runs out

A spokesman for the California Mental Health Services Authority, which administered the discontinued grant, said the Friendship Line’s current funding was for three years only and that period had expired.

“Our limited funding levels restrict our ability to fund all the programs we would like to,” said spokesman Mike Roth. “It was a one-time grant for three years, and that’s it.”

Arbore said he is trying to raise money from donors to keep Friendship Line open after the state money runs out. So far he is about $600,000 short. Every dollar counts. Arbore reaches into his own pocket to buy the cookies and pretzels that volunteers munch between calls.

Nowhere else to turn

Besides taking calls, the Friendship Line conducts grief counseling group therapy sessions. No one is turned away for lack of funds.

“If the Friendship Line didn’t exist, where would these people turn?” Arbore said. “Nowhere.”

Jobyna, who is 75, said she has been taking calls for two years. She used to sell office supplies. This, she said, is better. Sometimes she breaks through — not on every call, but often enough.

“When you can lift someone up out of a bad place, that makes me feel great,” she said. “Are you kidding? What could be better than that?”