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DEATHS Kitty

I'm not a happy bunny .. some prick of a delivery driver has just hammered the f--k out of my front door until I answered to receive something the Mrs has ordered .. and I mean hammered the f--k. I was deciding if I should chin him or not but he looked at me half naked then dashed off without asking me to sign his digi pad.

DING DONG SLAM SLAM SLAM .. DING DONG SLAM SLAM SLAM .. DING DONG SLAM SLAM SLAM all within the time frame of only about ten seconds. The only time someone should ever do that is during a genuine emergency .. prick

.. and I had a member of staff who I had to look after this morning because I found her on the floor with her legs shaking. She's lovely but she's an alcoholic in recovery. ffs

Not sprouts! I hate sprouts.

I'm not a happy bunny .. some prick of a delivery driver has just hammered the f--k out of my front door until I answered to receive something the Mrs has ordered .. and I mean hammered the f--k. I was deciding if I should chin him or not but he looked at me half naked then dashed off without asking me to sign his digi pad.

DING DONG SLAM SLAM SLAM .. DING DONG SLAM SLAM SLAM .. DING DONG SLAM SLAM SLAM all within the time frame of only about ten seconds. The only time someone should ever do that is during a genuine emergency .. prick

.. and I had a member of staff who I had to look after this morning because I found her on the floor with her legs shaking. She's lovely but she's an alcoholic in recovery. ffs

I had the opposite - a stealth delivery man in an invisible van who claimed he was unable to deliver a package as I was out. Yes, I was technically out - I was outside standing at my front door with a clear view of the street and chatting to a neighbour when a text arrived to say they had tried to deliver it but I wasn't in.

I am a meat popsicle

I had the opposite - a stealth delivery man in an invisible van who claimed he was unable to deliver a package as I was out. Yes, I was technically out - I was outside standing at my front door with a clear view of the street and chatting to a neighbour when a text arrived to say they had tried to deliver it but I wasn't in.

Killjoy Boffin

I had the opposite - a stealth delivery man in an invisible van who claimed he was unable to deliver a package as I was out. Yes, I was technically out - I was outside standing at my front door with a clear view of the street and chatting to a neighbour when a text arrived to say they had tried to deliver it but I wasn't in.

Piffle Prospector

Was it Acne Inc or Acne Studios? The latter is a well-known, quite up-market, youth-oriented fashion brand, based in Stockholm! Their models are pale and wasted-looking stick-insects and look as if they could do with a good dose of testosterone*.

*Since afflicted folk would be very unlikley to want to wear this label, the brand may be guilty of cultural appropriation!

Recovering policeman

Was it Acne Inc or Acne Studios? The latter is a well-known, quite up-market fashion brand, based in Stockholm! Their models are pale and wasted-looking stick-insects and look as if they could do with a good dose of testosterone.

CyberPunk

A company has answered the question of 'what would Jesus wear?' by creating a pair of $3,000 (£2,451) holy shoes.

Dubbed the 'Jesus Shoes', the Nike tick emblazoned sneakers have holy water in the soles. When they hit the shelves on Tuesday morning they sold out in a matter of minutes. It is not clear whether early buyers were willing to fork out an average month's salary because of the shoe's 100% frankincense wool make-up or the crucifix tied on to the shoe laces.

Possibly they were drawn in by the Matthew 14:25 quote on the jesus.shoes websites suggesting wearers would be able to walk on water.

Disciple of Marduk

A company has answered the question of 'what would Jesus wear?' by creating a pair of $3,000 (£2,451) holy shoes.

Dubbed the 'Jesus Shoes', the Nike tick emblazoned sneakers have holy water in the soles. When they hit the shelves on Tuesday morning they sold out in a matter of minutes. It is not clear whether early buyers were willing to fork out an average month's salary because of the shoe's 100% frankincense wool make-up or the crucifix tied on to the shoe laces.

Possibly they were drawn in by the Matthew 14:25 quote on the jesus.shoes websites suggesting wearers would be able to walk on water.

Emperor of Antarctica

A company has answered the question of 'what would Jesus wear?' by creating a pair of $3,000 (£2,451) holy shoes.

Dubbed the 'Jesus Shoes', the Nike tick emblazoned sneakers have holy water in the soles. When they hit the shelves on Tuesday morning they sold out in a matter of minutes. It is not clear whether early buyers were willing to fork out an average month's salary because of the shoe's 100% frankincense wool make-up or the crucifix tied on to the shoe laces.

Possibly they were drawn in by the Matthew 14:25 quote on the jesus.shoes websites suggesting wearers would be able to walk on water.

No Lives Matter

I'm not a happy bunny .. some prick of a delivery driver has just hammered the f--k out of my front door until I answered to receive something the Mrs has ordered .. and I mean hammered the f--k. I was deciding if I should chin him or not but he looked at me half naked then dashed off without asking me to sign his digi pad.

DING DONG SLAM SLAM SLAM .. DING DONG SLAM SLAM SLAM .. DING DONG SLAM SLAM SLAM all within the time frame of only about ten seconds. The only time someone should ever do that is during a genuine emergency .. prick

.. and I had a member of staff who I had to look after this morning because I found her on the floor with her legs shaking. She's lovely but she's an alcoholic in recovery. ffs