Neither Here Nor There… AGAIN!

I have a LOT of blogging to catch up on in order to get to where I am now – which technically, is neither here nor there – a term I have used before to describe my status.

When I wrote that post, I had just come back from a trip to Brasil, and had about one month to go before heading to New York. Oddly, I’m in a similar situation, as I draft this post from London, where I am stationed for about 3 weeks before “beginning” again in New York come June.

As I mentioned in my last post, I have indeed left Hong Kong. I packed everything up into about 7 boxes (home) plus 4 (office), two large suitcases, one more box (excess baggage), and a carry-on and a half (I always cheat with my carry-ons). Quite an expansion from the 2 suitcases + carry-on (and a half) that I came with 4 years and 8 months ago! On the other hand – not too bad, considering I’d ended up staying nearly half a decade!

But I wouldn’t say I’ve quite “returned” to New York either. I brought those 2 suitcases, the one box, and the carry-on and a half with me to NY. I dropped off those belongings in my childhood home, where I plan to reside for the second half of 2014 onwards. But I’m not exactly “back” quite.

I chose to return at the end of April in order to make my 10-year law school reunion (how does time fly!). It was wonderful seeing so many friends, including some of my very closest, altogether at the iconic Waldorf Astoria, where I also attended my high school prom even longer ago. I told friends I had left Hong Kong and was “unofficially” back. I could not bear to admit that I was now resident of New York yet for some reason.

In many senses, I really am not yet a resident – I am still technically employed by my office in Hong Kong, have not yet really moved into my home yet, and don’t have those 7 + 4 other boxes of belongings yet. I haven’t started anything routine at all – not work and certainly not my near one hour (one-way) commute. I haven’t got a gym routine (an important aspect of feeling “schedulized” for me), and what would be considered MY foods have not yet populated the fridge. (Food and fitness are EXTREMELY important for normalizing me!)

I most certainly left Hong Kong. No more flat, no more belongings – but I am not really in New York either. I just can’t seem to admit that I am now someplace other than Hong Kong, and I feel as though I am in a kind of mourning now, missing everything I thought I wanted to leave!

2 responses to “Neither Here Nor There… AGAIN!”

The strange thing is: I’m born in HK but I don’t feel I belong to anywhere. I have been in Canada for 4 years for uni and am now in the UK for 15 years, but I don’t feel a sense of belonging for any place. I wonder if this sense of belonging is cultivated in the school environment, or in the culture where one grew up in, when nationalistic sentiments are developed. The HK I grew up in was a colony under British rule. We were neither encouraged to be loyal to the Queen, nor to the Communist Chinese. I never feel neither here nor there, because I have never thought about my “identity” in relation to where I live. Even though I’ve spend most of my life in HK, I always feel HK is simply the place I’m living in, and not a “motherland” or “fatherland”. I envy you for having such passion for your “home”, whereever it is.