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July 18, 2012

The Vigilante By Kevin Matthews

There was a time when I would sit at the bar talking to my friends, only I was really the only one paying attention to the conversation I was having… with myself. What could they possibly have been more interested in? I mean they obviously weren't interested in the massive dump I took two hours earlier, which I was really proud of by the way; instead they were too invested in their fancy iPhones. I have yet to be included in this new technological world, so I just sat and gazed while they talked about all the men that were on an app called Grindr. "A cell phone app you can see how far gay guys are away from you?" I asked myself. While I did think this was creepy I naturally had to go out and buy an iPhone too just so I could see what all the fuss was about. I really did want a smart phone though, not just for these fun gay apps that you can download! At least, that's what I told myself. And just like that I was sucked into the menacing world of Grindr.

I will admit; it was fun at first. The compliments were what made me keep clicking on that stupid little Jason Voorhees looking button. *Oh and side note, What the FUCK is up with the logo anyway? It looks like an app that helps you find the nearest homicidal maniacs for you to be dismembered by and thrown in a dumpster behind Dunkin' Donuts.* But along with every compliment came the guy behind that sweet little remark, and that guy was normally A PIG. They thought that you would throw some kind words back and forth and by the fourth question came the sex talk. "So u wanna hook up sometime?" "Do you have any other pics?"(And they weren't looking for pics with your favorite little niece eating fuckin' Hot Tamales and playing Apples to Apples) and my favorite question "So are you a bottom or top?" because naturally that's all these guys cared about. Most of the time I wanted to message back, "I'll let you fuck me if I get to shit all over your chest after" but I was too scared of the answers I would get back. I started using this app for something too, not for sex, not for casual conversation, but to get my anger out on guys the best I could, by being an insulting ruthless bitch. This was when the Grindr Vigilante was born! Normally any guy that made a disgusting comment wouldn't get ignored or blocked, oh no that would be too easy. I would tear them apart the best I could. It was harder to tear down the attractive people but I got under their skin. And the little ugly sluts that messaged me, oh now that was fun and easy! There were the fucking pussies that blocked me right away which was lame; I wanted some entertaining comments back, and the other guys who would message back and their response would be "Fuck off!" Nevertheless, it was very stress relieving, and fun!

I may sound like a complete bitch, but I'm not. I'm sick of the lack of respect people have for others and the fact that these young gay guys feel like they have to parade themselves around like sluts and whores to fit in with the community. In my opinion I think the age limit for these types of apps should be at least 21. There is no reason an 18 year old boy should be on these types of things especially when all that's gonna happen is them getting objectified by sleazy old men who just want to get as close to being a pedophile and still having it be legal. I'm sure Sandusky made sure he set his filter to an age limit of 18 and body weight of under 120 lbs.

So let's just say I haven't been happy with what these apps, like Grindr and Jack'd, have done for me in the past two years. It's great for guys that are just looking for a hook up but pretty shitty for the very few gay guys that want commitment or at least a half decent relationship where your boyfriend isn't gonna fuck around behind your back. Hell, I can count on one hand the dates I went out on through these apps too. They were guys I thought were actually pretty decent but of course, one was really a slut, the other had a total of three teeth, and the most recent one who I actually seemed to like just wanted to be friends. So I'm finished with these bullshit apps and decided to get rid of them. They left a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach lately; usually it's just gas but not this time! I was beginning to feel like there were no good ones left, the committed types were already taken and all that was left were the skanks and young ones that have been getting conditioned to follow in the footsteps of the aforementioned whores.

In the last year or so I have been automatically programming myself to think that every guy I met was another asshole and if they turned out to actually be nice it was a pleasant surprise. Maybe by getting rid of these apps it will make me see some of the guys in decent light for once and who knows maybe I'll actually meet a nice guy, not holding my breath on that one though. I did go on two dates last week, and I never do that!! One was from Jack'd of course, but in one of his recent texts he called me his "buddy", so that was a bust to say the least. The 2nd guy was a friend through a new co-worker of mine, he was nice but I don't see it going anywhere. BUT it made me realize that I don't need those apps to find a date, sure they may not come up as often as they would if I had a Grindr account but I'm patient, I can wait for another one especially if it just so happens to be the guy I've been looking for.