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Tuesday, August 25, 2015

My sweet friend Katie lost her baby girl Emily about 2 1/2 years after Samuel died and my very first conversation with her was the night before Emily's funeral. And the very first time I met her was the day she buried her baby girl. One of the things I admire most about Katie is that she see what you get. She is transparent, kind, generous, and sincere. She is funny and oh so honest!

Never could I have imagined all that we have experienced together since meeting 4 years ago. We have stayed close even thought now we are 12 hours apart from one another... She used to live literally 5 minutes away when we lived in Oklahoma and I can't tell you how many times she helped me fold laundry while Caleb made her bacon. :) Katie was went on my first trip to Uganda with me! What an amazing thing to experience together!

I am old enough to be her mom:) Truly! She loves my kids and we all love her!

Lucky for us she has a special friend about 2 hours away from us so we have been blessed to be able to spend some time with her lately!

Here we are at Feed My Starving Children making meals in memory of Samuel and Emily! We packed enough for 56 kids to eat for a year... LOVE IT!!!

We even got to go check out my old stomping grounds where Greg and I met at Concordia on the lakefront in Wisconsin. The campus is even prettier than I remember it:) You can't tell by his expression in this picture, but Isaiah loves her so much:)

My heart is amazed and thankful that God ALWAYS proves himself faithful!

He is fully capable of bring beauty from the ashes and does it a million times over!

He is able to weave these amazing friends, relationships, right directly out of our hurt!

Saturday, August 8, 2015

In MANY ways my life (as well as some of yours) may not be what you would have anticipated it being... and then again there are many ways it is more than I dreamed it could possibly be...

I never would have dreamed my life would include...

Losing a child...
Moving so many times...
Moving my children so many times...
Being married to a pastor...
Spending so much time away from my husband or my husband away from me...
Running an infant loss support group...

It can be easy to become discontent... or disappointed at times...

In our crazy social media driven society today, especially with facebook, instagram, and twitter blasting every one's "perfect and happy life" right in your face, it is easy to compare your life to others and become disappointed... discontent... and even disconnected...

Did you know that there have actually been studies that have confirmed that there is an association between Facebook use and depressive symptoms. (Not depression in the debilitating clinical sense, but a milder manifestation) An article reported in TIME magazine showed the results of a scientific study where scientists studied 600 people who logged time on the social network and discovered that one felt worse after visiting the site- especially if they viewed vacation photos. On those days where you are still in your Jammie's at noon, when the kids are arguing, where there have been tubs of juice spilled, multiple pairs of underwear to clean up (yay for potty training), you feel like you haven't had a shower or adult conversation in days... it can be easy to feel that maybe the grass could possibly be greener...Or maybe it is one of those days where you missed a deadline at work, you had to waste hours of time in city traffic, you possibly lost a job, or you realized that friend you thought was a true friend, really maybe isn't...

It is easy to long for something more... something better... maybe what some one else has or has done... dreaming for that to become your reality too...

(That is one thing that Samuel's life has given me... an eternal perspective... I am so so very grateful for that beautiful blessing amidst the pain of losing him... He has me longing for Heaven in a way that I had never experienced before)

Truly, I do... I think of Heaven... and no matter what it is that maybe I feel I am missing out on... I focus on Heaven...

This world is like the tiniest of beginnings... while it feels like life might move slowly some days... This life is just the tiniest of dots, the start of the entire line of eternity... going on and on... FOREVER...

ALL THE THINGS WE LONG FOR OR WISH WERE DIFFERENT IN OUR LIVES... THEY PALE SO GROSSLY IN LIGHT OF ETERNITY...

That beautiful trip to Tahiti...
Really I will have eternity in somewhere FAR MORE beautiful than Tahiti... Forever there... It will be like waking up every single day in a place that is so much more beautiful and perfect than the best tropical paradise vacation I can even imagine:)

That perfect body... Thank you Jesus, that we will be given new bodies in Heaven... perfect bodies... FOREVER... (on a personal note...for me, there will be... no more kidney stones, pink eye, etc....:) Yay!!!

That perfect marriage... (Who really has that anyways... two sinners married to one another... Ha!)
We will have that perfect Heavenly marriage... Christ married to the church... His followers... FOREVER... for all eternity...

The perfect chore helpers...(While I am sooooooo very thankful for all 7 of my kids, and so thankful for all of our possessions... With 9 of us... no matter what... we create a decent sized mess.) And sometimes the exhaustion sets in... But in Heaven, I hardly think the tedious job of changing out seasonal clothing for the kids will be happening... nor the loads and loads of laundry... It will be a permanent vacation from the jobs that sadly take me away from my kids at times. Can you imagine just worshipping Jesus and sitting at His feet... that being your only real job:):)

That perfect family relationship... Heaven... worshiping our Savior for all eternity... I have a feeling relationships in the sense that we have them now, will be a thing of the past...

That perfect HOME and manicured yard... I can not wait to see the mansion the Lord is preparing for me... Maybe Samuel will be the first one to show me around... CAN NOT WAIT! That mansion is going to blow doors on any wonderful home or kitchen I could ever dream up here on earth!

That heart that is no longer hurting... He says in His word that He will wipe every tear from our eyes... Tears... no longer a thing to even worry about in Heaven... Can you imagine all the physical, emotional pain, and turmoil we feel in this life... NEVER AGAIN... Wow... just WOW!

Please hear me loud and clear... If your life contains great trips to Bora Bora every year... a beautiful 10,000 sq. ft. home... A near perfect marriage... I am not saying that is a bad thing... I am not saying anyone should not experience such wonderful things here on earth... Truly I am happy for you...

What a special gift and blessing God has blessed with you with in this life.

I am only saying for me... in this life...

There are many days that focusing on Heaven gives me just the perspective I need to put my heart back where it NEEDS to be...

I am only speaking from my heart...

I know that anything my heart may potentially be longing for here on earth... That Heaven is going to just blow it all out of the water... times 100! Have a blessed day friends!

About Me

I am a stay at home, homeschooling mom to 8 wonderful children. Our 5th child Samuel went from his home in my cozy womb to His Heavenly Fathers arms on October 29th 2008, just 1 day after his due date. We still miss him like crazy everyday.
We have since added our daughter, Hope Jubilee, to our family through domestic adoption, as of August 2010. In March of 2011 we were blessed with the birth of our son Levi, who is a miraculous gift we received through embryo adoption. And we anticipate the finalization of our adoption of Isaiah in early May 2013.
This is not the life we ever anticipated living, but we are in awe of God's plans for our family. We are living life surrendering to the will and plans of our Heavenly Father...
Our life is one filled with great joy as we daily live life, and as we look forward with great anticipation to being united with our Savior and reunited with our son Samuel in Heaven.

Followers

SAMUEL'S NAME IN THE SAND

A FAVORITE PICTURE OF OUR FIRST 5

ME AND MY HONEY

OUR LOUIS

OUR CALEB

OUR ANNA

OUR JOJO

OUR SAMUEL...SAFE IN HEAVEN

Baby Joel safe in Heaven

OUR SWEET BABY GIRL

Levi... our miracle through embryo adoption

Our Isaiah

Please Be Gentle By Jill B. Englar

Please be gentle with me for I am grieving.The sea I swim in is a lonely oneand the shore seems miles away.Waves of despair numb my soulas I struggle through each day.My heart is heavy with sorrow. I want to shout and screamand repeatedly ask 'why?'At times, my grief overwhelms me and I weep bitterly,so great is my loss.Please don’t turn away or tell me to move on with my life.I must embrace my painbefore I can begin to heal.Companion me through tearsand sit with me in loving silence.Honor where I am in my journey,not where you think I should be.Listen patiently to my story,I may need to tell it over and over again.It’s how I begin to graspthe enormity of my loss.Nurture me throughthe weeks and months ahead.Forgive me when I seemdistant and inconsolable.A small flame still burns within my heart,and shared memories may triggerboth laughter and tears.I need your support and understanding.There is no right or wrong way to grieve.I must find my own path.Please, will you walk beside me?

Remembering

RememberingGo ahead and mention my child,The one that died, you know.Don't worry about hurting me further.The depth of my pain doesn't show.Don't worry about making me cry.I'm already crying inside.Help me to healby releasing the tears that I try to hide.I'm hurt when you just keep silent,Pretending he didn't exist.I'd rather you mention my child,Knowing that he has been missed.You asked me how I was doing.I say "pretty good" or "fine".But healing is something ongoingI feel it will take a lifetime.~ Elizabeth Dent ~