Friday, March 23, 2007

Update on Jealousy---I think I know why I get jealous. Actually, I'm somewhere between 95-100% sure.

You know why?

Because I know that every girl who has "liked" me or whatever... okay, let's back up and give you two examples.

The first one is my older brother. When he was serving a mission in South Africa, he got this letter from a girl telling him, in effect, "I'm getting married, and I don't think we should ever talk again."

You might think, well hey, that's kind of harsh, but I can see the reasons behind that... and no, no you can't.

1)My brother was not romantically interested in her.2)They never "went out"

Now to my experience...

I liked this girl... she was the first one to kiss me (we were like 5)... that's a story for a different day. Anyways, I've always thought she was the bees knees. We were friends when we were young. Well, when I was 17, I believe it was... eh... some background info first. She lived here in AR, then moved to Sioux Falls, SD. I was heartbroken. We wrote/emailed sparsely, and then when I was 16 or 17 we really got back into contact. Well, her aunt still lives down here, and they came to visit, she thought I was swell, I thought she was swell, we decided that I'd come up to SD to visit. So plan was worked out and OK'd - Her aunt & fam was planning on going to Nauvoo, IL, and so were they for the Nauvoo Temple open house (it was really neat, different story, different day).

Well, we met there, I went up to SD with them. I thought we had a marvelous time, but again I was mistaken. I wasn't romantic enough. What the heck? I was 17 she was 16 I think. My opinion? That's not too young to be able to be romantic, but that's certainly too young to be romantic, unless you want something much more than friendship.

Well, I don't know what she wanted (amazingly enough the next guy who made her feel "wanted" was actually playing her and had a girlfriend back where he was from... dummerkopf!), but I guess I wasn't it.

Well I was stupid then and tried to manipulate her into not giving up on me - bad idea, I've never done it since, or stopped as soon as I caught myself - and that really didn't go over well.

Well I wrote and sincerely apologized... after 3 months she decided she'd read the letter instead of throwing it out. She said she forgave me... I don't believe that, sadly. Well, anyway, fast forward to... I think shortly after I got home from my mission...

Well, I talked to her online - and guess what?

If you said(or thought), "She said 'I got married and I don't think we should ever talk again.", you'd be right.

That's why I'm jealous, that's why I'm bitter, because girls don't care about me. None of them have. When I've not met their husband criteria, I become a contender, regardless and even in spite of my intentions. Fetch, I could be freaking married and I doubt they'd want to talk to me.

Ever.

Worse than those experiences are the ones where the said girl (or worse, a girl I'm interested in, but either a)can't have for some reason or another, or b)she doesn't show signs of interest), goes after STUPID guys. Let me explain what I mean by stupid. I believe sex is a pretty important, and really, a sacred thing. I believe that all physical acts leading up to that are basically in the same ballpark (hmmm... coincidence that they've nicknamed 'em "bases"?). Cuddling is about the extent of what I honestly care to do. So these stupid guys... yeah, they think a relationship is about kissing, sex, or whatever.

My opinion? That has little to do with a relationship. Oh, don't get me wrong, once I'm married... well, that's none of your business.

So these girls go after guys like these - and guess what? These creeps pull some stunt, and 'hey, I don't want you anymore'. And then they come to me complaining about it. That's fine and all - I will always listen to you if you need a shoulder (that goes for anyone who's reading this). And I won't try to give you advice unless you actually ask for it.

But if you do, you have been warned. I'm going to tell you that acting that way - going after relationships like that - is about the stupidest way to act. I know you're smarter than that. I know I am at least, and that's why I don't get in relationships with stupid girls. Anymore. Heh.

But I think I find that situation a teeeeeeny bit more bearable. Why? Because at least I know you trust me enough, and at least think I'm someone you can run to, to actually tell me.

But for the most part, even those girls, too, cease to talk to me. Why? Because I tell them that what they're doing is wrong. I don't say "ooh, he's such a jerk for doing that to you," I say, "Okay, he's pretty much a complete jerk, but why are you acting so stupid? You're smarter than that and better than him. Why do you keep getting in relationships like that? My goodness! You're just in for more and more heartbreak if you keep on going after complete jerk heads!" though usually it's nicer.

But it doesn't change the fact that eventually, they too will stop talking to me.

And that's why I hate seeing girls I care about in relationships, because I know it's only a matter of time before they never talk to me again.