Friday, November 03, 2006

True Wife Confession 110 Supercentenarian!

Confession #1091

From one Mom to another:

Its so sad that if I want to take my son outside, I take him to the park. I can't even go in our back yard to push my son on the swing set anymore. Because when I do, two minutes later, you and your daughter come out. You then say, "She wants to play with your son." Then you walk back into your house before I can even answer a "yes" or "no". I end up feeding her and taking care of her for hours. I'm not here to raise and feed your child. And if you didn't want her in the first place, as you've stated time and time again, you should have USED SOME DAMN BIRTH CONTROL!

You don't even realize how sweet and smart your little girl is. All you see is a responsibility that you didn't want in the first place. She's a tough little girl to survive the almost daily beatings by your 10-year-old autistic child. Every time I see her, she's got bruises, bite marks and some sort of injury. When I ask you about it, you say it is her fault because she got to close to your autistic son. What? Is he a rabid DOG? You LET him bite/scratch/hit her when she gets within a foot of him. You defend him! You say he's smart. Then you need to discipline him for this behavior.

This is the ONLY reason we let her come over to our house. It boils my blood to know I'm doing you a favor. And one you don't even appreciate. But I worry more about your little girl. She needs to be exposed to adults that give her positive attention and praise. She deserves to spend time in an environment where she doesn't have to worry about her brother, or parents hitting her.

Oh and you have a sweet dog too. But you just see her as a pain in the ass too. Your dog repeatedly gets loose. And then we find her on our front porch. This happens almost every night. God only knows what you guys do to the dog...

You're so busy bitching about all of your problems and trying to extract pity from people, you don't even realize the blessings in your life.

Confession #1092

I am so absolutely crazy about you. We have a connection that some peoplecan only dream of and I cherish our relationship more than anything. Youwaited so patiently to be with me and now that we are together, nothing cancome between us. I just hope that we never lose this feeling. I can'timagine us getting caught up in that 'same boring routine'.Believe it or not, I love how much of an agitator you are. We are constantlytrying to find ways to bug each other [watch for ice cubes while you're inthe shower. Payback is a b*tch!], but it makes our lives fun andinteresting.I know that I tend to get paranoid and insecure sometimes, but I know thatyou will never leave me. So don't doubt me when I say that I believe you andtrust you.There are so many things that I love about you. When you greet me at thedoor when I get home from work because you get home first, when I say that Ihave to do some cleaning and you correct me by saying that "WE have to dosome cleaning," when you wear your cologne to bed just because I LOVE thesmell [Coastline, ladies!]...I could continue forever!Im yours for as long as you want me and I cant wait to be your wife. I loveyou babe!

Yours always.

Confession #1093

I do not know why, but sometimes i obsess about my step-daughters mother. I have not seen or talked to her in months. I should be thrilled with the distance. I just don't trust her. I do not trust what my husband gets himself sucked into. With the holidays approaching I know we will be in for some drama. Because of her I carry a prejudice against women who have babies to have "someone", or to try to trap a husband. Some of my best friends fall into that category.

Confession #1094

It took us so long to get here. I didn't want to rushyou, because I knew you were still hung up on her.Now that we're finally here, wouldn't it be nice if wecould have sex more often when we're not so drunk.Remember how nice it was yesterday morning. For thefirst time, I think you actually saw ME and it was beautiful

Confession #1095

My dearest:

You stated you wanted to figure out a way for us to be located closer to one another. I laughed it off because I didn't think you meant it, I thought it was part of your regular lip service. You acted hurt and offended and played the victim for a week. Then, I sent you a job posting a week and a half ago that would do just that. Yet, you haven't applied.

Please don't let me be right again. If you don't want to be closer or aren't interested in the job, just tell me. Don't pretend. I can't take another disappointment from you. In fact, I've determined this will be the last one.

Confession #1096

I love you. You are a fantastic husband, and wonderful father. Every day I wonder how I got so lucky as to marry you and raise kids with you. I look forward to our years together.

That said, there are times that I think about you dying. I don't want you to die. But I know that the first thing I would do, after grieving and trying to get my life back in order, would be to hire people to do all the fix-it jobs around the house that go undone. I know it's not because you're lazy. You are the last thing from lazy. But you refuse to hire anybody to do things like fix the roof, fix a ceiling, resurface a bathtub, anything like that. I think the only times we've called repairmen in the last year was to have the water heater replaced and the fridge fixed.

I appreciate that you are so handy around the house. I do. I think it's awesome that you can rewire things and fix things and the way you fixed the garbage disposal? Awesome.

But please, can't we hire a few people to do things so you don't have to worry about not getting around to them? Between the kids, who you love to spend time with, and your job, which is busy, I understand that you have a hard time carving out time to get to these jobs. Can we just hire somebody to fix the damn hole in the ceiling in our bedroom? We aren't poor. We could afford it. I get tired of hearing, "I can do that myself and save money" when the thing in question remains undone and you stress about it.

I would miss you terribly if you died. On the other hand, I would be calling repairmen so fast after a few months that it wouldn't be funny.

Confession #1097

Dearest husband,

Do you know how you like to make your coffee in the morning, and just leave a big coffee and water mess on the counter, right in the same spot where I also need to make my tea? And you know how you will no longer use *my* dish towel for any reason, because it sometimes gets used to wipe the counter and you just can't fathom touching such a filthy towel? And how you've decided to have your own dish towel on a separate rack under the sink, so that it's there for the bazillion times that you wash your hands everyday? Well, thank you, sweetheart, because you've helped me find the perfect solution to your daily coffee/water mess.

Today, I used your precious, special dish towel to clean up the ridiculous coffee and water mess that you leave for me on the counter every day. Then when I was done, I wiped the dog's wet paws with the precious dish towel before I hung it back on your rack under the sink.

And it felt so darn good that I've decided I'm going to do that every day.

Confession #1098

When I tell you that you didn't tell me that you had a business trip scheduled, DO NOT INSIST that you did tell me. I write this shit DOWN. I have to move all sorts of things around, believe me, I take notice of when you will be gone. Besides, you are the one with shit for memory, not me.

Confession #1099

I am angry at you for leaving me, you would think that 13 years later I would be over it, but still the very thought of losing you makes the wound feel as fresh as the day they told me you were gone. You were my first best friend, my first real love and I wasn't even mature enough to realize it. I thought that when you moved that was loss, but later when you took your own life - you would show me what real loss was. I have screamed at thunderstorms, cried in the wind, and to no avail. Nothing brings closure, nothing heals this hurt.

To have someone like you in my life, to believe that I am loved unconditionally ,and then to have that taken away - it makes me think I will never be able to trust or love anyone again. I'm afraid that no one will ever love me, the way you did. I am afraid that for the rest of my life they very thought of you will always reduce me to hurt and tears. I'm afraid I will never be able to let you go, even though you left me and didn't even call to say good-bye.

Confession #1100

For the past two months, I have been talking to my ex and even went out to dinner with him twice. We've also recently been enjoying some really steamy phone calls and text messages together.

We plan on meeting up again in the very near future to act out some of those conversations.

I do love you. You're a good man and a wonderful life partner, but no matter how many times we've talked about it, you still do not seem interested in sex with me, or sex at all, for that matter. It's like you're embarrassed or ashamed of it. We only had sex ONCE on our honeymoon, for fuck's sake! That should've been a giveaway right there, but I was either too naive or just deeply in denial to question it.

Your idea of a wild time is getting me from behind. Whoop-de-freaking-doo. You don't like porn, you're not interested if I wear lingerie for you, you don't like talking during sex, don't want to share your fantasies with me (do you even HAVE any?), you have no idea what foreplay is. On the rare occasions I do get lucky, you jump out of bed immediately afterwards like you're on fire, and clean yourself up like it's just one big mess. Most of the time, though, you just seem completely asexual. I know you're not gay, but I don't know what your problem is. I've asked you so many times to try something different, but you're resistant. I have no idea why. I'm considered attractive by most people and I shouldn't have to go through the rest of my life like this. The few people in my life who know about this issue with us can't believe it. They can't believe that you're giving up sex with me to watch the fucking Masters on TV. They all think you're an idiot, and in fact your best guy friend knows about this and has encouraged me several times to "do what I need to do" to get some on the side. Even HE thinks I should cheat on you. How fucked up is that??? I'd never tell him, of course.

Anyway, I know what I'm doing/about to do is wrong, but I suppose I'm just being selfish that way. Just like you're being selfish about upholding the physical end of the deal in our marriage. I mean, you're supposed to be the only person I'm having sex with...yet you're more interested in watching sports and golfing. So what else can I do? I'm out of ideas.

Aside from the lack of physical contact, you and I have a good marriage. I don't want to divorce you. You're kind, smart, stable. Our families like each other. You will be a good father, if we can ever manage to have enough sex to conceive. But I'm unwilling to give up hot, slammed-up-against-a-wall sex for the rest of my life just yet. I'm still young, in good shape, and I want to enjoy it for as long as I can.

My ex is the perfect person to take care of me on the side. True, he's still living his life as he was 10 years ago, and I have moved on and grown up. But a part of me still loves him, and I truly believe he is my soulmate. However, we would've never lasted as a couple. He's just too irresponsible and has too much emotional baggage. But he's the perfect "friend-with-benefits" for me right now. I feel safe with him, and he makes me feel beautiful. He encourages me to flaunt my sexuality--loves it, as a matter of fact--and is confident and eager to satisfy me. Which is way more than can be said about you. He tells me that I should be getting it every night from you, but if you're not up for the task, he's more than happy to do it for you.

So I'm sorry in advance, honey, if I decide to pull the trigger and act on this. And I hope you NEVER find out.

29 comments:

Anonymous
said...

1091: Behavior like this, is what makes humanity almost a lost cause. I see it so often, and it makes my heart bleed for the kids (and animals) that goes through this on a daily basis. I say almost, since the redeeming thing for humanity is people just like you. People that will help regardless of their own situation or background. People that cares!

1091: my heart breaks for that little girl. Just breaks. It's just unfortunate that your spending time with her and nurturing her is giving her wretched mother exactly what she wants. Hopefully that mother will realize what she's doing and stop, but I know better.

1100: There is a part in most vows, "foresaking all others". That means no cheating. If you can't handle your husband's lack of sex drive (and I'm not saying it's not a problem, but there are other ways to deal without cheating) then leave him for greener pastures. Have you considered counseling? Obviously this is a big enough problem in an otherwise healthy marriage for you to think of cheating, and that's enough for other problems to fester. Besides, if he's such a good man in so many other ways, how will you be able to live with yourself for the hurt you'll bring down on him WHEN he finds out, because they always find out? There are other ways without resorting to a fuck buddy.

1100: Tell your husband. Let him read this confession. One of three things will happen. Either he will wake up and start taking care of you even if it means he needs some kind of counseling or medical help; he will want a divorce and you will be free to do whatever you want; or he won't give a shit and you can go to your friend with benefits free of guilt(and in that case you should probably also get a divorce).

1091: I had to get creative with my kids, too, after neighbors in our apartment complex would send their kids out to play as soon as they saw me out thee with my kids. After a while, I caught on and would gather the kids and leave as soon their kids came running, leaving no responsible adult at the playground. Then I would spy out the window and watch the parents call their children back in. Freakin' losers! Take responsibility for your kids! Thankfully there wasn't one like the girl you describe, as that would have required my attention too.

1099: My life had a variation on the same theme, though I was not married at the time and the girl (I'm a guy) did not kill herself. She didn't move away, but she flipped a switch somewhere and gave me the permanent ice cold shoulder until I ever-so-painfully 'figured it out'. Never a reason, never an explanation, nothing. We were extremely, extremely close. It's pissing me off again now that I'm writing this, come to think of it, even after 16 years. Anyway, I wanted to share that I got married to a good woman and have been happy these past 11 years, though my wife does not have the emotional maturity that I gained through that experience. I look forward to the day when that maturity comes naturally and without incident, because we will be that much closer. So it is possible to be happy, but it is a huge risk and one you can only take alone. Don't expect someone to come along and be the basket to hold all of your eggs. You may have to carry a few of the eggs yourself for a while until you are certain the basket can hold them all.

1100: It's all about you isn't it? I know, your choice and all, just don't conveniently forget to focus on yourself when it comes time to blame someone for your unhappiness.

1100, see if you dh will agree to getting his hormone levels checked-it's a simple blood draw. While there are many reasons that could explain his lack of desire for physical contact and sex, it could be something simple like his testosterone levels could be off. Please talk to him and see if he will open up and tell you what his hang up is. Try counseling, the hormone level check; don't just start an affair. He could have had a bad previous sexual relationship, he could have been abused. Tell him you're concerned, you're hurting, get his attention.10:44 is right you took a vow and you do have a duty to him to be there for him, if you love him try to help him.

1091: How dare you. How dare you not call the authorities on your neighbor for the abuse that is happening to her daughter. According to the law it doesn't matter that it's her brother doing it. It's still considered "harm" and it's terrible that you haven't reported it. If you've noticed something and don't do anything about it you're partially responsible for its continuance. That poor girl.

1091, I was kinda wondering too why you didn't report what is going on. I think I've read about it in a blog and also on other confessions. But you know what 1:23, you need to back the fuck off of 1091 and quit being so condescending. Who are you to judge her? I say do what you gotta do 1091. You are neighbors with these people and it might not be so easy to remain anonymous. Soooo....be careful.

I am the woman who posted #1100. We have a recurring conversation about his lack of interest in sex every couple of months. He keeps telling me that it will improve, but it never does. It sucks.

And nope, I haven't felt even the slightest shred of guilt about my actions with my ex-boyfriend. We haven't gone all the way yet, but we've come damn close. And it was terrific!

In any case, I am glad that this website exists, so that I could get that off my chest. And I didn't post my confession in the hopes of getting advice or censure. I just posted it to get it out there. So thanks but no thanks...

1:23 Here again. I'll tell you why I'm so mad. I was abused constantly as a child by two older siblings. I saw teachers, neighbors, church goers look away when they saw my bruises. I hoped and prayed as a child that some adult would step in. But no one had a backbone. I even told a teacher but no adult would take a stand. It's sick. Who the fuck cares if your neighbors hate you and make your life miserable if you help a child. What cowards you are.

to 1091: bless you. Do what you can for that little girl. I can tell you from personal experience that any parent who allows an autistic child to behave in the manner you described is not doing the child any favors. It's neglect. I have an autistic son. And yes, he's extremely intelligent. IQ over 200. Sometimes it's hard to make him understand things because he does live in his own little world and doesn't understand social behaviors we take for granted. But because he is so smart, it's worth the effort to work with him until he understands. If that autistic boy's behavior is that bad, his needs are being ignored. He's neglected and needs intervention just as much as that little girl. I wish you luck. Blessings on you for your efforts.

#1100 - For Pete's sake, if you're so unhappy with your sex life that you're getting some on the side, DON'T even THINK about having kids with your husband. Because (switching to prophetess mode) I see a Divorce in your future.

"I know you're not gay." But he only wants to give it to you from behind? Please. He is too gay.

1091: I agree completely with 1:23. Oh dear God. Call Child Protective Services. Those parents are allowing that child to be abused. Call the SPCA too while you're at it; that dog shouldn't be in the situation either.

If you see a bad situation and you don't stop it, you're complicit.

1100: You and I probably would have a lot to talk about over brandy somewhere. Except we'd both be using our time off to finally, finally, finally feel like someone wanted us again.

Sounds to me 1:23 that the people you should be lecturing are your parents and siblings. THEY are who to blame and be angry at, not 1091 who is in an awkward position. So, while I understand your anger and hate, I just think that you should use your energy on them. And ultimately if YOUR parents didn't help you then you should be taking this up with them.

I think 1:23 has s right to be angry and if she confronts her own deamons or not is her business. She is absolutely right about 1091. Those parents need to be reported. That little girl next door does not need a compassionate babysitter. She needs a champion. I know it is a difficult position for 1091 to be in, but if she does not do something to help this little girl who will?

1:23 has every right to be angry, I agree. But facing her demons is HER thing and she shouldn't be using her anger to judge other people. She should be using her anger to help herself. She should confront her family instead of using this forum to bash people!

1099: That is such a sad story. I hope you can find closure soon. I don't think your love meant to betray you by killing himself. Depression is an illness that distorts people's thinking and turns all their concentration in on themselves and their own faults. He probably wasn't even capable of realizing how much his death would hurt youand everyone else who cared for him in the state he was in. I am sure he would be sorry now if he could know. I believe you will find love and trust again one day.

1:23: I understand your pain but I think you chose a poor way to make your case. 1091 is not an evil person, and she is not responsible for this girl's pain (nor your own). In fact, she made it clear that she has gone out of her way to help this girl in myriad small ways that I am sure are making some difference. I agree that she should report the abuse of this child to someone. But don't you think it would have been much more effective to simply suggest this to 1091, politely, as the appropriate course of action, relating your own experience as an example of why children need advocates, rather than attacking her personally for not acting right away? Your off-the-deep-end attack may have offended her so deeply that she won't even want to discuss the problem with anyone anymore for fear she'll just be attacked again. I feel terrible about your childhood, 1:23, but you're being a jerk.

The girl shows up at our house with bruises... I ask the parents. They say she got hurt at school, the dog knocked her over, or that the austistic son did it. When I've brought up that she gets hurt alot, I get a blank look. And then we get damage done to our property.

I live RIGHT NEXT door to them. I've never seen the parents hit her. I've never seen the son hit her. I really don't feel I have enough "hard" evidence to turn into authorities.

My husband and I have fought ALOT over this issue. It has had a horrible effect on my marriage. (I feel the need to do something -- he says to let it go.) I have been torn as to how to proceed. It is a very delicate situation.

If anyone should be this girl's protector, it should be HER OWN parents.

These are people who also like to sue... They are currently in the middle of their THIRD frivolous lawsuit. They've won the first two (the second one was against the school district -- they settled out of court for a huge amount of money). So if I can't produce enough evidence and they find out the person to turn them into DCFS is me, I have no doubt they'd come after us for slander and emotional distress. (They seem to thrive in that environment. Meanwhile, I'm sure my marriage would collapse under the stress.)

My car has already been damaged. We've already had some very valuable things stolen.... After I've expressed concerns. I have no proof they've done the damage but it IS pretty convenient with the timing...

The girl has also, since this confession, turned a bit violent herself. So now I'm wondering if I shouldn't let her come over at all anymore. Cause now it affects my son!

My first duty and priority is my son and his well being. So how dare you 1:23 (and a few others) take your anger out on me without knowing the whole story.

Yes, I had abusive parents and siblings too. I was a constant target for bullies. I'd go to school and enduring alot of humiliating things from both teachers AND KIDS. My family was very poor and then I'd come home to verbal and physcial abuse. You act as if you are the ONLY one who's gone through that. You aren't. You don't know me or the entire situation.

The reason I've backed off though is that I worry about the repercussions (possible bodily harm, a lawsuit that could destroy my marriage and take away our house, ruin our happy family). These people are dangerous in that they have NO conscious. No sense of right and wrong.

So I've tried to do what I can for this little girl. She's at my house for several hours at a time during the week and on the weekends. When I've been sick, I've STILL taken care of this little girl. When we've had family in from out of town, we've STILL taken care of her.

I feel with the parents being the way they are (and when I called the police about my car damage awhile back, I DID tell them of my suspicions. I did ask them to keep their eye on the family.) the best way I can help this girl is to do what I'm doing now... The world isn't as black and white as you think it is...