Paul Daugherty's Morning Line: You can't make the MLB Draft fun and Allegiant Air sucks

Oregon State second baseman Nick Madrigal talks about having no distractions when it comes to the NCAA Tournament on May 28, 2018.
Gary Horowitz/Statesman Journal

Hunter Greene, a pitcher and shortstop from Notre Dame High School in Sherman Oaks, Calif., poses for photographs after putting his name on the board moments after being selected No. 2 by the Cincinnati Reds in the first round of the Major League Baseball draft, Monday, June 12, 2017, in Secaucus, N.J.(AP Photo/Julio Cortez)(Photo: Julio Cortez, AP)

Round 1 of the MLB Draft is tonight. Shoot me if I write a more boring sentence than that the rest of the week.

There is no way to fun-up the baseball draft. There is no way to make, ”With the 5th pick in the 2018 Major League Baseball Draft, the Cincinnati Reds select Speedball Tucker, a Left-handed pitcher from Boll Weevil High School in Big Vast Nothing, Oklahoma’’ sound interesting.

Keith Law or whoever gets the horrible job of TV-analyzing could say, “Well, Sparky, Speedball Tucker has a plus-fastball, a major-league curve and a changeup that once knocked a buzzard off a fence during a funeral procession.

“Between starts, Speedball likes to birdwatch, spelunk and hunt for blades of grass in his grandpa’s backyard. He also enjoys studying Most Wanted posters on post-office walls, to see if he recognizes any of his relatives. Speedball has a serious collection of Batman comic books. He is what we insiders call a character.’’

The Reds might want to get this draft right, though we won’t know for sure if they do for five years. By then, they could be relegated to the South Atlantic League. (Is there still a South Atlantic, aka “Sally’’ League?)

Recent results have been less than stellar. The Club has drafted a couple guys (Alonso, Senzel) who have no major-league position. They’ve taken a couple pitchers (Travieso, Howard) who need a rocket ship to get them to the majors before they retire.

The organization’s uncanny inability to identify and develop starting pitching remains impressive. Two guys at ESPN.com think the Reds will take a 3B, which happens to be a position they absolutely don’t need a guy. So, OK.

Big, over-arching point: When you practice austerity and you’ve been crummy for five years in a row, you can’t whiff on high 1st-rounders.

MLB’s stab at NFL-style Marxism allows for bad teams to have the highest picks. Teams tank to get them, they’re that important. We’ve shone the footlights on the manager, who has been fired, the general manager, who has taken heat and the owner, whose “championship baseball’’ pledge remains unfilled.

The Searchlight Of Blame has yet to find the personnel department. It should now, if for no other reason than you fans are running out of voodoo dolls in which to stick pins. Plus, the farm system at the moment is not good. There is that.

Granted, the pitching has been depleted by the rush-job promotions of the Kid Three – Castillo, Romano and Mahle, oh my – but when the best you can do in a pinch is promote Z. Weiss and T. Rainey, well. . . how we lookin’?

All drafts are important. Some moreso than others. Yet another Top 10 pick arrives tonight. Time to bat .1000, Chris Buckley. I hear Speedball Tucker should be available.

Now, then. . .

THE CAVS GOT HOSED IN GAME 1and will never recover. It’s hard enough to beat Golden State playing 1-on-5 without the refs making bad decisions late in winning time. Add in JR Smith, whose appeal has forever eluded some of us, and the task becomes damned near impossible.

What must LeBron James really think of these guys his front office has surrounded him with?

James does everything – e-e-e-verything – in Game 1, only to have a knucklehead teammate not know the score at the most important time. Anyone believe Smith’s contention he knew the score when he grabbed that missed free throw and dribbled from Oakland to Ukiah?

This is the best the Cavs personnel staff can do to help the best basketball player in the world, now and forever?

Meantime, the Warriors are loaded up and down the roster. Their second five could beat Cleveland’s first five, if James were taking a breather. This isn’t the beautiful machine of a few years back, when the passing took your breath away. But it’s damned good. Easily good enough to dispatch the Cavs in 5.

If I’m LeBron, I’m outta there, again. If you think championships are the most important items on a Best Ever resume (I don’t) then LBJ is a few shy. He can still get a few trophies. He still has time. But not in Cleveland.

TRIP REPORT. . . Spent a few days in Florida, tending to my pop and celebrating the 50th wedding anniversary of he and my mother. A few details to follow. First:

Allegiant sucks.

Allow me to type that again:

Allegiant sucks.

Why’s that, Doc?

Allegiant sucks set new lows for customer disservice. Not content to have the outbound flight last Wednesday from CVG to St. Pete be EIGHT HOURS LATE, Allegiant sucks encored with a return flight that was SIX HOURS LATE.

The resulting arrival times left me dropping into bed at 3 a.m. last Thursday morning and 3 a.m. last night. Zombies are real. I am one.

Allegiant sucks offered nary an explanation. If you try to call someone at Allegiant sucks to complain, the only way you can talk to a live (presumably) person is to hit the button that says you’re an Allegiant sucks credit card member. (I'd rather pour acid in my retinas than be an Allegiant sucks credit card member.) I did say that I was, though. The live (presumably) body on the other end tried to transfer me and cut me off instead. (Either that, or simply dumped me when she discovered I wasn’t an Allegiant sucks card holder.)

The capper was, for being DELAYED EIGHT HOURS, Allegiant sucks e-mailed me a virtual coupon good for $50 off my next Allegiant sucks flight.

Are you freaking kidding me? This isn’t Philly and you aren’t WC Fields (lookimup, kids) OK?

Then on the SIX HOUR DELAYED flight home Sunday night, Allegiant sucks gave us all free water and pretzels!

Nothing says great service like free water and pretzels.

I will try again today to contact Allegiant sucks and talk to a legitimate human. Meantime, Delta and I have resumed a beautiful friendship.

AS FOR FLORIDA. . . We celebrated my parents 50th with a dinner cruise on the Intercoastal. Started at Marina Jack’s in Sarasota and floated a few miles downstream, then came back. Huge houses along the waterfront, fine sunset, good prime rib.

(For youse scratching your heads wondering how a 60-year-old OG has parents married 50 years. . . blended family. My birth mom died when I was 8.)

AS FOR PARENTS. . . As Jillian The Magnificent advised me before I left last week, “Hold your parents tight, Dad.’’ I did. I will. I recommend everyone do likewise. Time waits for no one.

Little light today, Mobsters. But not bad for a zombie, yeah?

TUNE O’ THE DAY. . . My folks aren’t given to obvious expressions of joy, so there they were on that boat Friday night, my dad in his wheelchair, my mother holding his hand, looking more like the American Gothic couple than revelers honoring a milestone. They were happy, though. And beautiful.