Oct 28, 2015

The Mail's Amanda Platell has called on everybody to leave Kate Middleton alone, hitting out at "spiteful", "callous" "armies of whispering Kate critics" who "scour her elegant hair up-do for rogue silvery strands, her forehead for telltale creases".

Who would be so spiteful, callous and critical? This selection of Mail Online headlines may offer some clues:

Or what about this criticism in the Daily Mail of Kate’s hairstyle. By none-other than Amanda Platell:

"Why is Kate clinging to her own over-long mane? Even she must have been infuriated by being overshadowed by her hair… For goodness sake, she’s a member of the Royal Household now, not Cheryl Cole."

Or how about the time Kate was told to cover up, by the Daily Mail’s Amanda Platell:

"Surely Kate could have tried a little harder to keep her modesty under wraps? As a relatively seasoned member of the Royal Family, isn’t it time she made more of an effort to cover up?"

Despite her own fondness for criticising everything from Kate's hair to her choice of underwear ("a thong that would make even a cheese cutter wince"), Platell has also criticised recent discussion of whether or not Kate was wearing a bra to the James Bond premiere.

It probably goes without saying the Mail lead the way there too:

Of course, Platell blames the criticisms on "Twitter" and unnamed "trolls". Her article is the very model of faux concern and delusion. "Poor Kate. How does she cope with being the subject of such relentless commentary?" writes relentless commentator Platell. It is a question and a faux concern her own paper will be the first to ignore.

Oct 14, 2015

It seems the English language has become so mangled by business speak that even "straight talking" has become synonymous with unnecessary jargon, euphemism and buzz words.

Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey yesterday emailed staff to announce a round of redundancies, promising them "I'm going to give it to you straight".

But of course these weren’t redundancies or lay-offs. After a little discussion of a "streamlined roadmap" and "a bold peek into the future" Dorsey announced "significant structural changes" to engineering that will enable Twitter to "move much faster with a smaller and nimbler team". What’s more, "the rest of the organization will be streamlined in parallel", enabling Twitter to "reinvest in our most impactful priorities".

Dorsey signed off his email by urging anybody with questions to "reach out to me directly", of course.

Oct 13, 2015

A number of papers are up in arms at claims asylum seekers were transferred in a stretch limo. The Express and Mail are doing their best to whip readers up into a frenzy.

The Mirror meanwhile seemed a little confused by the whole thing and initially claimed the cost was £50,000:

...before they realised the limo, which is actually what cost £50,000, can probably be used more than once:

Reading down the Mirror's article it becomes clear "YOU" probably haven't picked up this £3,000 bill quite as described by the Mail and the Express. A Home Office spokesperson said:

"Our contractors are responsible for arranging the transport of asylum seekers and bear the cost of doing so...There was no additional cost to the taxpayer."

And a spokesperson from Serco, the contractor in question, confirmed:

"There was no additional cost to the taxpayer."

The same Home Office quote appears in the Daily Mail's story (if you scroll right down to the very bottom), though clearly they felt "There was no additional cost to the taxpayer" wasn't quite as punchy for the front page as "you're picking up the £3,000 bill". Of course, the key phrase is "additional cost" but in the grand scheme of public sector inefficiency you can be sure this story would never have seen the light of day but for its potential to pour a disproportionate amount of fuel onto the already incendiary debate around immigration.

Oct 08, 2015

Congratulations to Nadiya Hussain the winner of Great British Bake Off. Even Daily Mail columnist Jan Moir seemed pleased for her. Moir wrote:

"She had feared being dismissed by viewers as a ‘Muslim in a headscarf’. But Nadiya Hussain triumphed in last night’s Bake Off final with a spectacular wedding cake inspired by her multi-cultural upbringing."

But which "viewers" I wonder would have been so awful as to dismiss a contestant as a "Muslim in a headscarf"?

Presumably viewers like Moir's Daily Mail colleague Quentin Letts who accused the BBC of "sourcing... fashionable minorities" for Bake Off and dismissed Nadiya as a "Muslim with a headscarf".

Those awful viewers.

A mention also for the Mail's Amanda Platell who had suggested other contestants should have tried baking "a chocolate mosque" if they wanted to compete with the "PC" bias shown to Nadiya as a result of her being a Muslim.

"Is the universe on the brink of collapse? Study says catastrophic event is 'imminent'"

"[A] 1,000-metre wide [asteroid] will hurtle terrifyingly close to the planet within days, sparking fears of an unprecedented disaster" [Note: For the record, the asteroid missed us by around three million miles]

"Scientists fear a plan to beam messages to possible alien civilisations could spell DISASTER for humanity on Earth"

"How rare planetary alignment of Venus, Mars and the Moon tonight could be a sign of DOOM"

"Black Death was 'triggered by ASTEROID impact and could reoccur TODAY', scientist claims"