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Monday, March 26, 2012

Leftovers...

Oh my mercy... I am looking ahead at the week and have already begun to hyperventilate at the insanity it has the potential to bring! Is it really Monday, again?

So many things I want to accomplish, to change, to make better...

And as I am looking at my planner, I see no room for errors, no room for extra, anything.

It looks a lot like it will be leftovers... leftovers that flow from one day to the next- leftover energy (or lack thereof), leftover hairdos, leftover errands that may not get done by the end of the day... you know, leftover everything!

Ever had one of those weeks when all you feel like you are giving is 'leftovers?'

I don't want to give leftovers this week... I don't want to feel like I am a bit here and a bit there and feel like I really am needing to be 5 other places all at once. Why do we do that to ourselves?

I am so guilty of the above... but I am determined to make a change, even if it is a small change daily so I am not dishing out leftovers when I want and need to be giving my best.

I am having to learn to pace myself better (since my injuries are completely taking a new spin on things lately) and I cannot stand that I do not have the stamina to do what I feel like I need to do. But I am the one who puts that pressure on myself... I am the one who pushes until I am too strained to finish what needs to be done... I can't do that anymore and am allowing myself to pull back when I am feeling this way. GRACE, I have to give myself grace.

It is so easy to become overwhelmed by looking at my calendar, the doctors appointments, the baseball practices/ games, Bible study, cleaning house, laundry, writing, book details, refereeing my 2 boys, homework, did I say cleaning the house? The stress of the physical pain, persevering when I just want to stop, not to mention, my newest quest of cooking! And much, much more! Where is the balance?

I am desperately seeking balance... from proper nutrition, health and wellness (Arbonne) to spending adequate time with my boys and RW. Most importantly spending more time in the Bible as I am charting this new course of life. I already do a significant amount of Bible study along with devotionals, but I want more. I want more of what God has for my family and I believe that includes a healthy balance, so I am seeking that for our household.

I don't want to be overwhelmed by something I should be enjoying... LIFE! It is all too easy to become overwhelmed, especially when loss is a part of your day and your life.

Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy life... but a lot of it, I spend being overwhelmed!

God is so in control of everything and I need to remember daily that he wants me to cast ALL of my cares upon HIM...

Time management for me is huge... if I add a cooked meal for my family, there goes 4 hours! (quit laughing at me, I am new to this cooking thing!) But seriously, I am not taking this lightly... I haven't always felt this way, but times are changing, my boys are growing up and I am physically in pain 94.5 % of the day... I have to figure it out, make better choices, choose quality over quantity and realize the difference is going to start by embracing the changes I need to make.

I need to accept the former things are just that... former! I can't jump on the trampoline and come in and clean floors, it is literally one or the other. I cannot tell you the times I clean my floors crawling on them because the pain radiates throughout my legs/ back if I stand... so why don't I just do the floors another day? That is my new challenge... it is then I get so aggravated and overwhelmed with what should be so easy for me to do, but it's not. The old me could have done it all in a day. God has given me a new me and I have to learn to respect that, the changes in my body and what I physically can or cannot do. I will admit it, I take great pride in being 'wonder woman' back in the day and that is obviously who I am still trying to be! I must let go of my pride and let it be. It is really time I quit trying to squeeze into that costume~ it no longer fits or looks cute! So out with it... (my hero, Linda Carter! She could rock that costume like nobody's business!) Who didn't want to grow up and be Wonder Woman? Well friends, I have grown up and I AM WONDER WOMAN! All of the doctors 'wonder' how I survived, 'wonder' how I can walk, 'wonder' what will happen to me in the future! ;) Can't say that's exactly what I was going for... But I am here! I am alive and I have a new mission! And it is not going to be impossible! :)There is a season for everything... this is my season for change, for balance and to stop giving leftovers to the precious people in my life that deserve my all, my very best.

These guys deserve my very best! (Christmas play, 2011, Nate was a shepherd & Will the cutest little sheep ever!)

My best used to be very good... but in this state of mind and body, chronic pain / injuries cause me sometimes to feel like even my best isn't enough.... WHAT A LIE! We tell our boys daily... "Do your best and leave the rest up to God!" I must CHOOSE to do the same!

Today, I sign off, preparing for the week ahead knowing that my best may not be equivalent to someone who is healthy, but it's MY BEST and if I give MY best to God, He will honor it and He will honor the desire in my heart to help me make the necessary changes along the way.

4 comments:

Great post...I to need balance, it is so difficult I have not read the full story of your injuries but I can imagine that physical pain makes everything more difficult. When I had my 5th child I had a 24 hour epidural and Something went wrong. I could not walk for 3 weeks I was terrified it was permanent, This was a great post thank for the sharing.

Tesha- we certainly all need to balance- but yes it is difficult. I am planning on taking it a moment at a time & going from there... small strides equal great distances when consistent! Much love!!! xoxo

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I am a mom to three beautiful boys, better known in our house, as our "little Rebels." Two are here with us and one has a special "Hotty Toddy" room in heaven. I love to write, create, shop and anything in between. I am usually the loudest mom in the bleachers and I love sparkles, everything that sparkles. I blog to encourage and inspire others. Life has given me many challenges and I share them along with life's most amazing blessings here! You can also find my archived posts at StillStandingMag.com where I talk about loss, grief and the journey of life after losing Matthew. And for the lighter side of my work, you can find my archived posts at HottyToddy.com where I loved to blog about being married to a Rebel and the adventures of life Raising Rebels. Confucius said "Wherever you go, go with all your heart" so I choose to write like that, with my whole heart. So wherever you find my words, here, there or in my book, you will know those words were written with my whole heart.

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