tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-60572450905768015982015-07-09T23:29:12.577-07:00Through The Tunnel: Life After PostPartum DepressionEstherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16205040884913365466noreply@blogger.comBlogger143125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6057245090576801598.post-33141378383952298832014-12-22T06:00:00.000-08:002014-12-22T12:06:40.484-08:00Postpartum OCD Powerpoint<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">This past semester (Fall 2014), one of the (college) classes I took was Women's Health Issues. One of the assignments was to do a research presentation on a women's health issue. This included putting together a slideshow addressing the basics (symptoms, definition, treatment, etc.) which we then had to present to the class. I chose Postpartum OCD. We had a 4-minute time limit, which was REALLY difficult for me to meet, so it ended up being a VERY basic overview. I could have easily talked for the whole class period and just scratched the surface of PPOCD. It's such a complex and under-discussed issue...<br /><br />Anyways, I thought I'd share my Powerpoint presentation in case it can be of help to anyone. I've got it uploaded to Google Drive so that anyone with <a href="https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B9lHcxYOBg73UUlrU01NdlpXTVk/view?usp=sharing"><b><i><span style="color: #a64d79;">the link</span></i></b></a> can view it. Enjoy. :)<br /><a href="http://s220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/?action=view&amp;current=869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" /></a></div>Estherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16205040884913365466noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6057245090576801598.post-42196295376361518972014-07-10T05:30:00.000-07:002014-07-10T05:30:00.795-07:00Happy 10th Anniversary to Postpartum Progress and Katherine Stone!!!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="text-align: center;"><i>"If you have knowledge, let others light their candle in it." -Margaret Fuller</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jlnXo0yQrec/U7hzZuYVrgI/AAAAAAAACKY/-mKeS2NbgPU/s1600/postpartumprogress10thanniversaryballoons.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jlnXo0yQrec/U7hzZuYVrgI/AAAAAAAACKY/-mKeS2NbgPU/s1600/postpartumprogress10thanniversaryballoons.jpg" /></a></div>5 years ago, I was a brand new mother. I had a whopping almost 3 months of experience as a parent under my belt. I had given birth to a beautiful daughter on April 23, 2009. Life as a new mom was pretty terrible for a little while, courtesy Postpartum Depression, Postpartum OCD, Postpartum Anxiety, and what I suspect was some Postpartum PTSD after a very difficult birth. I ended up being hospitalized twice, taking medication, and seeing a therapist. It was one of the darkest periods of my life.<br /><br />One day (I can't remember when, exactly), as I dragged myself through the dark tunnel of PPMD, I came across a candle. It burned brightly. It called out to my soul and to my heart. At the time, my own candle was pretty much out, but that candle gave me hope. It helped me find my way out of darkness and isolation, to safety, support, and love. From that flame, I was able to re-light my own candle. That flame was <a href="http://www.postpartumprogress.com/">Postpartum Progress.</a><br /><br />10 years ago, Katherine Stone started Postpartum Progress. Countless women and families have been helped in many ways. I and my family stand among them. Postpartum Progress made a huge difference to me. It was helpful beyond words to find a site with so much good information written in a way that I could understand, a community of women to help support me, a safe haven to let me know that I wasn't alone and I really was a good mom, a warrior. Postpartum Progress has been a God-send to so many.<br /><br />Today, I dedicate my blog to celebrating Katherine and Postpartum Progress. 10 years of dedication to awareness, education, and outreach is kind of a Big Freaking Deal. Postpartum Progress has been a game-changer for women with PPMD and today, I'm throwing virtual confetti in honor of an amazing person who had an idea and then put that idea into action.<br /><br />Katherine, my dear friend, you beautiful wonderful soul, you rock my socks off! And I put socks on specifically to type that, which should tell you exactly how much you mean to me, since I pretty much never wear socks. Thank you for everything you have done and continue to do. I am forever grateful to God for leading me to you and to Postpartum Progress. Because of Postpartum Progress, I got the courage to share my story and to reach out to a fantastic community of some of the strongest women I know, who have become friends and sisters of my heart and my spirit. I hope you never go a day without the knowledge that you are loved. As we celebrate the birthday of Postpartum Progress, know that your candle has been a much-needed beacon to help light the way for many who couldn't see on our own. Some day, I will get to meet you in person (and I will squeal and make a fool of myself and probably end up a blubbering mess as I tell you what an honor it is to meet one of my honest-to-goodness heroes who helped save my life, my sanity, my marriage, and my family, who has become a friend). For now, I'll have to stick with sniffling my way through the beautiful stories I've been reading about the other women you've helped. We are many.<br /><br />Happy Anniversary!!!!!<br /><br />*eats more ice cream*<br /><a href="http://s220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/?action=view&amp;current=869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" /></a><br />To everyone reading this, I'd like to share the words I borrowed from <a href="http://www.goodgirlgoneredneck.com/2014/07/happy-10th-anniversary-postpartum.html">Good Girl Gone Redneck</a>:<br /><br />If you'd like to help support Katherine's efforts with <a href="https://donatenow.networkforgood.org/postpartumprogress?code=PostpartumProgresscom">a donation to Postpartum Progress</a> you can do so very easily online. Postpartum Progress is a non-profit organization and your donation will be tax deductible. Your donation will go towards supporting an organization that supports ALL mamas EVERYWHERE.<br /><br />If you or anyone you know is experiencing <a href="http://www.postpartumprogress.com/the-symptoms-of-postpartum-depression-anxiety-in-plain-mama-english">symptoms of postpartum mood disorders</a>, please consider reaching out for help. Postpartum Support International has a toll-free support line you can call 1.800.944.4PPD and a <a href="http://postpartum.net/Get-Help/Support-Resources-Map-Area-Coordinators.aspx">map of local support resources</a> for you.<br /><br />Looking to talk to mamas like you? <a href="http://www.mypostpartumvoice.com/ppdchat-guidelines/">#PPDChat</a> is a weekly Twitter chat where you can find discussions related to living your life postpartum. <br /><br />Looking for hope? A reminder that you WILL get through this? Check out the <a href="http://www.postpartumprogress.com/postpartum-depression-survivors-photo-album">Warrior Mom Photo Album </a>and see these smiling faces. That will be you - soon. </div>Estherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16205040884913365466noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6057245090576801598.post-88806923832945560272014-07-07T06:00:00.000-07:002014-07-07T06:00:12.530-07:00Breastfeeding and medication<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Recently, I was talking to someone on Twitter about breastfeeding on (and after) antidepressants, and it hit me once again how big a role breastfeeding can play in a woman's decision whether or not to seek treatment for PPMD. For me, among other fears (such as my child being taken away from me), I was so far into the whole "Breast is best" mindset that, when the filter of PPMD was added to the mix, the idea of having to stop breastfeeding my baby was horrifying and extremely upsetting. Concern over having to stop nursing is one that I frequently hear/see brought up and it is totally understandable.<br /><br />I have written a couple of blog posts in the past about why Breast is not always best (<a href="http://journeythroughppd.blogspot.com/2012/07/breast-is-not-always-best.html">part 1</a> and <a href="http://journeythroughppd.blogspot.com/2012/08/breast-is-not-always-best-part-2.html">part 2</a>). That is not going to be my focus for this blog post. In this post, I'm just going to share what my personal experiences have been with breastfeeding and medication.<br /><br />When I was admitted to the hospital with a diagnosis of Postpartum Depression, my baby was 3 months old and exclusively breastfed. I had held off on getting help but finally realized I was at a crisis point and went to the ER, where I was transferred and admitted to a psychiatric facility. Because I specifically didn't want to have to stop nursing my baby, we tried talk therapy for the first day or two, but I could hardly even open up about how I was feeling and we quickly realized that medication was necessary. They started me on Lexapro (I was soon switched to Celexa, a generic version, for Insurance reasons), Ativan, and Ambien, which are not considered "safe for breastfeeding", so I had to stop nursing. I was extremely upset, but accepted that if I wanted to get better, this was what needed to happen. My baby did fine switching over to formula and the only discomfort was on my end because I stopped nursing/pumping cold turkey (ow, ow, ow). 5 years down the road, my daughter is extremely smart and well-adjusted, and we continued to bond very nicely. Actually, I think we bonded better because I was on medication and was able to connect better (I definitely remember the connection better after starting medication).<br /><br />That first admission, diagnosis, and start of medication were in July 2009. At the beginning of December 2009, I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism (my doctors had previously missed it, but that is a whole different story for another time). Pregnancy can cause hypothyroidism, and hypothyroidism can cause mental and emotional health problems. I was promptly started on a low dose of <a href="http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/druginfo/meds/a682461.html">Levothyroxine</a>, a thyroid hormone replacement medication, and started to see my symptoms lessening pretty immediately. My dosage only had to be adjusted once to get my TSH and T4 levels back to within normal limits, and that also kicked the rest of the PPMD symptoms. After 3 months of Levothyroxine, I was able to stop taking the Celexa, Ativan, and Ambien that I had been on since July, and all was well.<br /><br />I have been on this same dosage of Levothyroxine for 5 1/2 years now and it has never needed adjusting. During my pregnancies, the OB monitors my thyroid levels with bloodwork once a trimester (more often if I start experiencing anything unexplained &nbsp;that could be symptoms of my thyroid medication needing an adjustment), but so far everything has been fine.<br /><br />In April 2011, I gave birth to our second baby. Even though we were sure the PPMD had been related to the hypothyroidism, at my midwife's recommendation, I started taking Zoloft at 38 weeks pregnant (<a href="http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/pregnancy-week-by-week/in-depth/antidepressants/art-20046420">read what the Mayo Clinic has to say about antidepressants during pregnancy</a>) as a prophylactic measure, and weaned off of it at about 6 or 7 months postpartum. This was shortly before finding out that, much to my shock and attempts to prevent pregnancy, I had another bun in the oven.<br /><br />That second baby nursed through Zoloft, Levothyroxine, and the first two trimesters of my third pregnancy. She finally weaned herself at about 13 months. I was about to force her to wean since she had started biting (yay for teething). Let me tell you, I thought getting a tooth to the boob was painful enough under normal circumstances but with pregnancy making the girls extra tender? Yeeeeeeeeah.... "ow" doesn't quite do it justice. But, at that point she was down to usually only nursing in the middle of the night and she weaned herself, so it all worked out happily for both of us.<br /><br />I started on Zoloft again at about 35 weeks with my third pregnancy. The original plan was to wait until 38 weeks again but I had some symptoms of depression and anxiety that were due to situations that were going on totally unrelated to pregnancy and we thought it best to start the Zoloft a little early. Baby #3 was born in September 2012. I was able to come off the Zoloft at about 3 or 4 months postpartum that time, again with no issues. The only issues I had were when I started using the <a href="http://journeythroughppd.blogspot.com/2012/12/no-more-nuva-ring-for-me.html">Nuva Ring</a>&nbsp;and got super tired (plus some intrusive thoughts) but that all went away when I discontinued the Ring. Baby #3 was EBF until I started school fulltime when he was ~4.5 months old. At that point, I got a good double electric breast pump and started pumping so that he got exclusively breastmilk at daycare and EBF when he was with me. With my school schedule and everything else going on in life, the pumping got to be a bit too much and eventually I stopped pumping; he got formula at daycare and breastfed when I was around. He self-weaned at 9 months.<br /><br />I've done a wide range of options for feeding my children. Exclusively breastfed, Formula fed, breastfed through pregnancy and a little past the first year mark, breastfed plus breastmilk in a bottle, and breastfed plus formula. I've nursed on different medications and off of them. There is no shame or failure in any of these methods that I chose to feed my children. At the end of the day, what matters the most isn't *how* I fed my babies but *that* I fed them.<br /><br />My experiences and feelings may not be yours. I can not say what is right or wrong for you and your family, aside from telling you that taking care of yourself is absolutely right, and that anyone who looks down on or tries to shame you for how you feed your children is 100% wrong. What I can tell you is that you are a good mother no matter what method (or combination of methods) you choose to feed your baby[ies]. In order to take care of others, we have to take care of ourselves first and practice radical self respect. Self-care is vital to not only our own well-being but the well-being of our babies and our families.<br /><br />Whatever your choice, make it and don't let anyone get you down. If they want to say that they don't approve or agree or whatever, you feel free to send them on over to me and I'll gladly have a friendly chat with them.<br /><a href="http://s220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/?action=view&amp;current=869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" /></a></div>Estherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16205040884913365466noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6057245090576801598.post-65170307083987706822014-06-18T06:00:00.000-07:002014-06-18T06:00:03.266-07:00Mental health hero moment: Elder Jeffrey R. Holland<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">In the past, I've written about my frustrations with people who attribute struggles with PPD or any other mental health issue to a lack of faith or any other spiritual failing. Today, I want to talk about someone who is getting it right: Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.<br /><br />During the 183rd Semiannual General Conference spanning from October 5-6, 2013, Elder Holland gave a talk titled "<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/like-a-broken-vessel?lang=eng&amp;media=video#watch=video">Like a Broken Vessel</a>". Elder Holland, THANK YOU!<br /><br />Elder Holland's talk should be required viewing/listening/reading for all Christians, no matter what church you do or don't go to. If you're not Mormon, ignore the Mormon-specific language. You can still get a lot out of it.<br /><br />Here's one of of my favorite quotes from his talk:<br /><br /><i>"However bewildering this all may be, these afflictions are some of the realities of mortal life and there should be no more shame in acknowledging them than acknowledging a battle with high blood pressure or the sudden appearance of a malignant tumor."</i><br /><br />Here, Elder Holland hits on a point of vital importance: mental illness is an illness. I have no problem posting on Facebook things like "My sinuses are terrible" and "The doctor says I have Pneumonia, time to break out the antibiotics", and should similarly not be afraid to say something like "I'm having a lot of trouble with horrible thoughts popping into my mind unbidden" and "I've just been diagnosed with Postpartum OCD. I'll be starting medication and finding a therapist". I absolutely love that Elder Holland has specifically acknowledge and pointed out that health is health and illness is illness and there should be no shame in acknowledging or seeking help.<br /><br />I've talked before about how frustrating and non-helpful it is to say things like "Just pray more", "Just have more faith", "Are you sure you've confessed all your sins?", or anything else that insinuates that the person with PPMD (or any other mental health issues) is at fault or is somehow choosing to have PPD etc. The fact of the matter is that PPD etc. is not a spiritual issue, it's a health issue. It's not something that you can automatically just pray away. There are people who say that they prayed and received miraculous healing, and I'm truly happy for them, but that doesn't always work. <a href="http://journeythroughppd.blogspot.com/2011/09/sometimes-prayer-just-isnt-enough.html">Sometimes, prayer really isn't enough.</a> You can have all the faith in the world and still have PPD, etc.<br /><br />Elder Holland is one of my heroes in the Church, for being so willing to be open about his own struggles and for standing up in General Conference and saying "This is real. There shouldn't be any shame". For getting up there and saying that it's ok and good to seek help from professionals. For showing so much love and compassion and understanding. I hope to someday get to meet Elder Holland and tell him exactly how much his words meant to me and to so many others<br /><br />For anybody out there who's reading this and trying to find their way through their own dark tunnel, especially for my LDS sisters, I leave you with these words from Elder Holland's talk. They are words that give me hope and I pray that they also bring you some measure of comfort.<br /><br /><i>"I testify of the holy Resurrection, that unspeakable cornerstone gift in the Atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ! With the Apostle Paul, I testify that that which was sown in corruption will one day be raised in incorruption and that which was sown in weakness will ultimately be raised in power. I bear witness of that day when loved ones whom we knew to have disabilities in mortality will stand before us glorified and grand, breathtakingly perfect in body and mind. What a thrilling moment that will be! I do not know whether we will be happier for ourselves that we have witnessed such a miracle or happier for them that they are fully perfect and finally “free at last.” Until that hour when Christ’s consummate gift is evident to us all, may we live by faith, hold fast to hope, and show “compassion one of another,” I pray, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen".</i><br /><br /><a href="http://s220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/?action=view&amp;current=869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" /></a></div>Estherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16205040884913365466noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6057245090576801598.post-88274475173490911122014-06-02T05:30:00.000-07:002014-06-02T05:30:01.566-07:00Momentarily breaking the radio silence<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">TW: pregnancy, death of a pet, miscarriage, D&amp;C<br /><br />Hello! My apologies for the lack of posts lately. This year has been NUTS. January involved an IVF cycle as a Gestational Surrogate, culminating in a Frozen Embryo Transfer at the end of the month. February brought the news that my Intended Parents were going to get twin boys, due in October. March started off with having to put our family dog to sleep when her bone cancer got to the point that pain control wasn't possible, included my husband and kids alternating between a vacation and getting sick, and ended on March 31 with Spring Break starting with an OB appointment where I found out that I had a missed miscarriage of both twins. April started off with Spring Break involving lots of appointments and ending up at the hospital at the end of the week for a D&amp;C and continued with me missing the first week back to school as I recovered, the kids missing 1 1/2 weeks of daycare sick, and both the girls having their birthdays. May involved Yumyum having to come back out of daycare for a couple of weeks with a food poisoning thing (not dangerous, just can't be at daycare b/c large groups of little kids too often have absolutely awful hygiene). All in all, I'd say I missed easily 1 1/2 months of class between various health issues. Oh yeah, did I mention that in all this craziness I'm still a full time college student? This semester I've been taking Intermediate B&amp;W Photography, Intro to Linguistics, Public Speaking, and Intermediate Algebra &amp; Coord. Geometry (that's all one math class) for a total of 13 units. PHEW!<br /><br />Anyways, it's been nuts. It's like life in general decided to just kind of throw lots of crap at us all at one time, including deaths in the (extended) family. I have lots of ideas floating around in my head for blog entries but just haven't gotten around to finding the motivation (or time) to write them. I'm hoping that will change soon since it looks like things are moving in a much more positive (and calmer!) direction. But I figured I out to post an update to let anyone who happens across the blog know that yes, I am still out there and Through the Tunnel has not been totally abandoned.<br /><br />I think that's about it for now. If you want to read more about my surrogacy journey, head on over to <a href="http://thewombfairy.blogspot.com/">The Womb Fairy</a>. I can, as always, be found on Twitter as @cornmuffinsmama. Much love and light to all of you!<br /><br /><a href="http://s220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/?action=view&amp;current=869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" /></a></div>Estherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16205040884913365466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6057245090576801598.post-2514641060558198432014-01-07T13:37:00.001-08:002014-01-07T13:37:11.897-08:00Living through tornadoes<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">The morning of Good Friday in 1991, I was sitting at the kitchen table with my mom and my brother, eating breakfast. Breakfast that morning was blueberry poptarts. Dad was in the bathroom at the other end of the house taking a shower. The weather was awful at our house in Marietta, GA. There was a thunderstorm unlike anything I can remember ever seeing before that. Despite being approximately 8:30am, it was as dark as midnight outside, except for the flashes of lightning which were so bright, they lit everything up like it was high noon. It was raining. Specifically, it was raining really hard, and the wind was blowing the rain completely sideways. The thunder seemed nearly constant and shook the house on the foundation. I remember my mom going to the front door to look outside and my brother and I followed her. I remember looking over and seeing our American flag blowing wildly and asking if we should bring it in. The radio was playing in the background but I don't remember what it was saying, it seems like it was the "wah wah wah" that you hear when adults speak in a Charlie Brown cartoon.<br /><br />Suddenly, Mom said we had to get down to the basement. We lived in Georgia so people actually had basements underneath the house, down in the ground and everything. I remember following her and, despite me going as fast as I could, she was dragging me and I was stumbling. The steps were so steep as they went down into darkness, down into the ground where everything was cool and still.<br /><br />We sat there in the basement, listening, straining our ears, trying to hear what was going on upstairs as a tornado disrupted our lives and tore up our house. On <a href="http://www.rru.com/">his website</a>, my dad <a href="http://www.rru.com/~meo/disasters/tornado2.html">describes the tornado activity</a> across the county and in our neighborhood/over and around our house:<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><i>"<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">We would later find out that six maximum force tornadoes (winds measured well over 250MPH) all touched down in close proximity in the county essentially simultaneously. A friend on the south side of Atlanta (we were north) called because he had seen on eyewitness news there had been a tornado near us, and wondered if we had seen it. Andre', my best friend, called. "Pray for Darlene &amp; the boys - they were hit in the car by a tornado! They're all shaken up; I'm going to try to get to them now." We had to laugh. We'd been through so much with them - here we went again! (They turned out to be fine, other than being shaken up.)</span></i></div><br /><span id="docs-internal-guid-5fdc93c5-6e70-f14a-c16d-22c04fa6dc26"><div style="font-style: italic; text-align: center;"><br /></div><i><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></i><div dir="ltr" style="font-style: italic; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">One tornado had come through the neighborhood, straight across the street, tearing up homes left and right. Another had gone right through the woods behind us; they had crossed by our back property line (after, we found, following roughly parallel courses for over a mile). There was a 50 yard swath cut through the woods at about 5 feet off the ground. All the tree tops were laid out nicely in the same direction - like Paul Bunyan and Babe had just gone through or something.</span><span style="line-height: 18px; vertical-align: baseline;">"</span></div><div dir="ltr" style="font-style: italic; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 18px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">All of this was going on while we sat in the basement, scared of not only the tornado but scared for Dad, who was still in the shower when the tornado hit (an experience described <a href="http://www.rru.com/~meo/disasters/tornado.html">here</a>). We were a little off to the side of the stairs. There was a wooden desk sitting there. It was older, made out of solid wood, and had a little opening for your legs with wood sides all around, totally enclosed but for the front. I remember hunching down and pressing back as hard as I could, trying to get underneath the desk, instinctively feeling that the safest place was to be surrounded by something solid, not liking all the empty cavernous space of the basement and afraid that the ceiling (aka, the rest of the house) would fall down around us. I couldn't get underneath the desk because the leg space was filled with books (that's totally normal, right?) but still pushing back with all my might. I remember what those books felt like against my back. I was terrified.</span></div><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></div><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">After what seemed like an eternity, my Dad opened the door to the basement and came down to tell us it was safe to come upstairs. Mom and Josiah went upstairs with Dad. They all stood at the top of the stairs, calling down to try to reassure me it was okay to come back upstairs. Eventually, I had to be carried up the stairs. I still wasn't totally convinced that the tornado wouldn't come back. As far as I was concerned, life had just gone from normal to terrifying in a split second and now, a few minutes later, everyone was trying to convince me that it wouldn't happen again? Ha!</span></div><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></div><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">I emerged from the basement to find a world that seemed to me, a 6 year old girl, to be turned totally upside down. Windows were out of their frames and there were broken glass, dirt, and mud everywhere. &nbsp;Outside, there were trees uprooted, but the glass cake dish on the kitchen counter was untouched. My brother's bedroom was undamaged except for a little spot in the ceiling where some water was leaking (a result of the roof being in less than fantastic shape). Across the hall, my bedroom was a total mess, having been hit the hardest of all the rooms in the house. As with many tornadoes, there were examples of this kind of surreal contrast all throughout the house and the neighborhood, the entire county.</span></div><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></div><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">An hour after the tornado ended, I realized I was still holding onto my blueberry poptart. Holding onto it might be a rather mild way of putting it, since my grip was so tight my fingers had made holes clean through and was basically wearing the poptart like some kind of odd ring.</span></div><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></div><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">This year, 2014, will be 23 years since the tornado hit our house with us inside. 23 years later, I can still remember clearly what it looked and sounded and felt like when the thunder rolled, the lightning struck, and the wind rattled everything, blowing trees over in half. I didn't get much sleep that weekend, terrified that a tornado would hit again. It was a long time before rain stopped freaking me out. 5 years later, I was still conducting tornado drills and fixing up the closets and bathrooms to be as safe and comfortable as possible if we had to take shelter every time there was a tornado watch or warning (we had moved to Central Texas where the limestone makes basements all but impossible). I think it's safe to say I may have been suffering some PTSD.</span></div><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></div><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">Maybe you're thinking "This is a PPD blog. Why am I reading about a tornado from Esther's childhood?". People often ask "What is PPD like?" and it hit me the other day that PPD, at least for me, was exactly like living through that tornado.</span></div><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></div><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">One minute, I was celebrating what should have been one of the happiest times of my life, but with a nagging sensation that something was wrong. All of a sudden, there was a storm. A massive and nasty storm, that turns my mental and emotional landscape, my entire life, everything around me, into an unrecognizable and scary scene. Everything becomes total chaos. Terrifying chaos, and I have no clue whether I'll live through it, whether or not my family will come out of it complete. There's noise. Things are light then dark then light, and my whole world is shaking and shaken. I'm utterly terrified, senseless with fear and uncertainty.</span></div><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></div><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">But eventually, into the darkness and chaos, light begins to extend. I start to notice that things are quieter, calmer. I'm being told that everything is over, that it's ok to come out of the dark, that life is safe again. It takes some doing but slowly, I emerge from my hiding place. I come out to find that everything in a shambles, that things are broken, but people pick me up and carry me to safety, and then people, loved ones, step in to help clean up the mess that this unasked for storm has made of my life.</span></div><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></div><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">When it's all said and done, nothing looked the same again. Nothing has ever been the same, either since the tornado or since PPD. But it is life, and it is put back together, it is mended, and I move on. Sometimes, I still get scared. 23 years after I lived through The Good Friday That Wasn't, I still have trouble sleeping through thunderstorms. I still go into pregnancy a little apprehensive, ever watchful for the symptoms, always on guard for signs that the storm that tore my life apart for those months might be reappearing, but I lived. I SURVIVED. And now, when I look back on both experiences, I see that I have come out of both times stronger and wiser, with more compassion and understanding for others whose lives are rocked by storms, whether physical or otherwise.</span></div><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">For 4 years, I've been trying to figure out why PPD felt so familiar, how to describe PPD, what PPD is like. I finally know.</span></div><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></div><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">If you're living through PPD, hang in there. It doesn't last forever (it only feels like it does). Eventually, the storm will let up and you'll be able to come back into the light. I can't guarantee that you'll come out unscathed, you may have some scars after all is said and done, but you will still be alive, you will still be you. The storm will end and you will be ok. There are people here for you to help you, to stand by you, to support you, to offer you a place to rest your head while you fix your roof. You are not alone in this storm or in the aftermath.</span></div><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><a href="http://s220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/?action=view&amp;current=869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" /></a></div><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><i>*Note* Pictures of the physical aftermath of the tornado that hit our house in 1991 can be seen&nbsp;<a href="https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.353812704047.188976.667779047&amp;type=1&amp;l=52701f0cef">here</a>.&nbsp;</i></span></div><div><span style="line-height: 18px;"><i><br /></i></span></div></span></div>Estherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16205040884913365466noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6057245090576801598.post-21721279439016575422013-10-22T06:00:00.000-07:002013-10-22T06:00:04.289-07:00Who knows?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Yesterday, a dear friend of mine turned me on to <a href="http://www.myfoxatlanta.com/story/23746924/local-woman-shares-battle-with-postpartum-depression">a news story that was featured by Fox 5 </a>out of Atlanta. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to get the video to play (my browser is being a little cantankerous) but the story I was able to read grabbed my attention.<br /><br />The story Fox did covering Sarah Schwartz's fight with PPD is a familiar one. Breastfeeding. Anxiety. Not recognizing what was going on.<br /><br />There was one thing that stood out in particular, though:<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>"<span style="background-color: white;">Sarah says the irony in her story -- and the reason she wants to share it -- is that she works in mental health. She's been a social worker for 20 years and is the director of a nonprofit called Mental Health America of Georgia.</span></i></span></div><i style="font-family: inherit;"><div style="text-align: center;"><i style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">"And yet I was so sick that despite my knowledge, I still didn't recognize myself as being sick," Schwartz said.&nbsp; "I thought, 'Could this be postpartum depression, could this be postpartum anxiety?'&nbsp; And I thought, ‘No, I'm just a monster.&nbsp; I am just a horrible person.' I understood for the first time in my life, why people commit suicide.""</span></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></i></div></i>People often say things like "How can you not know you have PPD?", "You must know what's going on with yourself", and all sorts of other phrases along the same line of thinking. The answer? I don't know.<br /><br />What I do know is that for many of us, we don't recognize what's going on with us. You have to understand, PPD is literally messing with your brain. Me? My thought processes were different. My whole outlook on life was abnormal. I didn't recognize what was going on. It took me finding myself standing at the top of the stairs in the middle of the night thinking "I could just throw myself down the stairs", and then walking away only to think "I could take some pills and just go to sleep and not be hurting anymore and everyone would be rid of me, everyone would be better off without me anyways" before I realized "WHOA! Something is WAY off here, I need to talk to someone...".<br /><br />I was good at hiding it; partly so others wouldn't think I was a horrible mother and partly, I suspect, so I wouldn't have to face the pain quite as much. Head buried in the sand, you know? I don't think most of my friends or family knew what I was going through. And most of them weren't that well informed and educated about PPMD anyways. Heaven knows I wasn't.<br /><br />This difficulty that many women face in recognizing our own illness, recognizing that we need help, is why it's so important for everyone to be educated and informed about the realities of Postpartum Mood and Anxiety Disorders. It doesn't matter how well educated a woman is about the symptoms and risks of PPMD, if she's "In the fog", she may not be able to recognize her own symptoms. There are quite a few things from my PPMD months that I don't really remember. Small wonder I couldn't recognize the symptoms. If the woman in your life is suffering, she may need your help to even be able to ask for help from trained medical professionals.<br /><br />Thankfully, Sarah and I (along with many other women) found help through Postpartum Progress. Postpartum Progress is a WONDERFUL resource on PPMD, for everyone, regardless of whether you are a parent, parent-to-be, or someone who is a friend or family member of a new or soon-to-be-new parent. Please, educate yourself about the realities of PPMD. Know the symptoms. Know the difference between the Baby Blues, Postpartum Depression, and Postpartum Psychosis. Know about Postpartum OCD and Postpartum Anxiety. Know about Prenatal Depression. Know it all. Knowledge saves lives. Postpartum Progress has some very handy <a href="http://www.postpartumprogress.com/frequently-asked-questions-on-postpartum-depression-related-illnesses">lists of symptoms in "Plain Mama English"</a>. Read the blogs of women who have survived PPMD (<a href="http://journeythroughppd.blogspot.com/p/other-blogs.html">a list of blogs I follow</a> is conveniently located in a tab at the top of this page). Check out resources like <a href="http://www.postpartum.net/">Postparum Support International</a>, who has <a href="http://www.postpartum.net/Get-Help/Support-Resources-Map-Area-Coordinators.aspx">a list of support groups</a> by geographical location and specialized support coordinators for dads, military families, Spanish speaking families, and Arabic speaking families. Online support can be found through PSI, #PPDChat on Twitter, and many other venues (including blogs and Facebook groups and pages).<br /><br />Learn. Know. Educate yourself. Educate others. One of the biggest obstacles to me getting help once I realized what was going on was shame and stigma, fear of what others would think of me because of so many false ideas. In my opinion, the best ways to fight those nasty monsters are through education and public discussion.<br /><br />One last note: I'd like to give a HUGE thank you to Fox 5 for doing such <a href="http://www.myfoxatlanta.com/story/23746924/local-woman-shares-battle-with-postpartum-depression">a wonderful story</a>. Far too often when I hear about PPMD in the news it's in a negative manner that may have bad/false information and just spreads the stigma. This story gets it right. I'm dancing on my chair in gratefulness. Thank you, Fox. And thank you Sarah, for being willing to speak up and speak out. Warrior Moms unite!<br /><br /><a href="http://s220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/?action=view&amp;current=869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" /></a></div>Estherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16205040884913365466noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6057245090576801598.post-86262590072549009392013-10-19T11:35:00.002-07:002013-10-19T11:35:37.682-07:00Liebster Award? Yes please!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jBGPjFx4WpM/UmHptAvrBKI/AAAAAAAACEk/j7sBAbrO3VE/s1600/LiebsterAward_3lilapples-300x225.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jBGPjFx4WpM/UmHptAvrBKI/AAAAAAAACEk/j7sBAbrO3VE/s1600/LiebsterAward_3lilapples-300x225.png" /></a></div>A few weeks ago, I was <a href="http://morningcoffeeconfessions.blogspot.ca/2013/09/i-was-nominated-twice-for-liebster-award.html">nominated for a Liebster Award</a>&nbsp;by Jen at <a href="http://morningcoffeeconfessions.blogspot.ca/">Morning Coffee Confessions</a>. I'm tickled pink and very happy that she thought of me. Thanks Jen!!!<br /><br />It took me a couple of weeks to get to putting up my post (thank you midterms), but I figure better late than never. :)<br /><br />In case you're wondering what the Liebster Award is, here's some information that I copied from Jen's blog:<br /><br /><br /><b>What is the Liebster Award?</b><br />The Liebster Award is an award for pint size bloggers (bloggers who have under 200 followers) and is a great way to find new blogs to follow and hopefully make new bloggy friends.<br /><br /><b>The Rules:</b><br />1. Link back to the person who nominated you.<br />2. Answer the 11 questions asked by your nominator.<br />3. Choose 11 bloggers. each with fewer than 200 followers, and nominate them for the award.<br />4. Come up with 11 questions for your nominees to answer.<br />5. Contact your nominees and notify them of your nomination.<br /><br /><b>The questions Jen asked me:<br />1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror this morning, what was the first thing you thought?</b><br />"Wow, I can't believe it's our anniversary!"<br />(It's our fifth)<br /><br /><b>2. What did the last text message you received on your phone say?</b><br />"Sure. :)"<br /><b><br /></b><b>3. What's your life motto?</b><br />Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.<br /><b><br /></b><b>4. If you could pick anywhere to live the rest of your life, where would it be?</b><br />One of the Garden suites on a Norwegian Cruise Lines cruise ship.<br /><br /><b>5. What's the best route to your heart?</b><br />Be kind to my family, especially my children, and talk in an educated manner about how awful Postpartum Mood and Anxiety Disorders are and how much need there is to fight the stigma and misinformation floating around about PPMD.<br /><br /><b>6. What do your friends and/or family think about your blog?</b><br />They think it's great. My family and friends have been very supportive of my blog.<br /><b><br /></b><b>7. When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?</b><br />What didn't I want to be? It changed hourly. I definitely wanted to be a mom though.<br /><b><br /></b><b>8. Did you have any resolutions this year? What were they?</b><br />No. I don't make resolutions anymore. I set goals and give myself permission to not beat myself up if they don't get achieved.<br /><b><br /></b><b>9. Do you have a day job? If so, what do you do?</b><br />I'm a full-time college student and a wife and mom.<br /><b><br /></b><b>10. Something that you learned recently?</b><br />When you're developing black and white photos in a darkroom, you can't pour Fixer down the drain. It's toxic after it's been used because it contains silver particles.<br /><br /><b>11. Coffee or tea?</b><br />Tricky question. As a Mormon who's observing Word of Wisdom, I should say herbal tea since WoW's guidance is to not drink tea or coffee unless the tea is herbal tea. However, I love me some Pumpkin Spice Latte or Frappucino. Or rather, I did. No, I still love it, I just don't indulge. There we go.<br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ucuQmPWNV48/UmHyyqohrAI/AAAAAAAACEs/eblFEOLgDF8/s1600/10317_159840894047_1496421_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="197" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ucuQmPWNV48/UmHyyqohrAI/AAAAAAAACEs/eblFEOLgDF8/s320/10317_159840894047_1496421_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">You're welcome.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><b>My nominees:</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">1. Ashley at <a href="http://thefamilyhull.blogspot.com/">Hull: Family of Three</a>.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">2. AddyB at <a href="http://butterfly-confessions.com/">Butterfly Confessions</a>.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">3. Lindsay at <a href="http://www.withalittleloveandluck.com/">With a Little Love and Luck</a>.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">4. Anna at <a href="http://anna-aaron.blogspot.com/">Anna and Aaron</a>.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">5. StoryGirl at <a href="http://hardtomommy.blogspot.com/">Sometimes It's Hard</a>.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">6. Cori at <a href="http://corilynngentry.blogspot.com/">In Pink Ink</a>.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">7. Lauren at <a href="http://mypostpartumvoice.com/">My Postpartum Voice</a>.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">8. Stephanie at <a href="http://mormonchildbride.blogspot.com/">The Mormon Child Bride</a>.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">9. Alice at <a href="http://isagoodone.blogspot.com/">Reclaiming My Inner Pioneer</a>.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">10. Julia at <a href="http://thesugaryshrink.blogspot.com/">The Sugary Shrink</a>.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">11. Janae at <a href="http://claireandjanae.blogspot.com/">Claire and Janae</a>.</div><br /><br /><b>The Questions:</b><br />1. What is your best quality?<br />2. What is your blog about?<br />3. What is one cause, issue, charity, etc. that you wish more people knew about?<br />4. What kind of chocolate do you prefer?<br />5. What is one piece of advice you wish you could go back in time and give your teenage self?<br />6. Who is your hero?<br />7. What is your favorite tv show?<br />8. How many pillows do you sleep with?<br />9. If you could be any superhero or villain, who would it be?<br />10. What's your favorite holiday?<br />11. What's one thing you wish you could tell everyone in the world?<br /><br />Have fun, bloggers! Please don't feel any pressure to answer this, or to answer it within any particular time frame. But, if/when you do answer, if you let me know, I'll add the link to your response post to this post so other people can read what you have to say. :)<br /><br /><a href="http://s220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/?action=view&amp;current=869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" /></a></div>Estherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16205040884913365466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6057245090576801598.post-70981557815358318002013-09-11T06:00:00.000-07:002013-09-11T12:56:37.174-07:00Shout out to a hero, Cristi Comes<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I know today is 9/11 and it's expected to talk about the events of that awful day and the people who were lost in those tragic events. But you know what? I want to take today to focus on something positive, talk about someone who is doing great things to help other people.<br /><br /><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WZM3Lir0MEM/UjDJATTSx3I/AAAAAAAACD8/dt7QrlxevJs/s1600/world+wo+suicide.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WZM3Lir0MEM/UjDJATTSx3I/AAAAAAAACD8/dt7QrlxevJs/s200/world+wo+suicide.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Picture from Motherhood Unadorned.</td></tr></tbody></table>One of the lovely things about the internet is that it helps you meet people you might not meet otherwise. Take, for example, Cristi Comes of&nbsp;<a href="http://www.motherhoodunadorned.com/">Motherhood Unadorned</a>. I know Cristi (online) because of both of our involvement in the online PPD community. She's one of my Warrior Mom idols, I really look up to her. She's talented and her passion for advocacy, awareness, education, and support in the PPD community are beyond description. Straight up, she rocks.<br /><br />This week is National Suicide Prevention Week and Cristi has been hard at work. She's done some fantastic blog posts including&nbsp;<a href="http://www.motherhoodunadorned.com/2013/09/09/guest-post-my-entire-life-changed/">a guest post</a>&nbsp;from Leila (who blogs at&nbsp;<a href="http://lifeasleels.com/">Life As Leels</a>) and her own blog post about&nbsp;<a href="http://www.motherhoodunadorned.com/2013/09/10/fight-world-without-suicide/">ways we can fight suicide</a>. She's been posting up a storm of links and images, such as the one to the left. She's organized an online&nbsp;<a href="http://www.stelladot.com/ts/gs8s5">Stella and Dot Trunk Show</a>&nbsp;to benefit the&nbsp;<a href="http://www.afsp.org/">American Foundation for Suicide Prevention</a>.&nbsp;<a href="https://twitter.com/motherunadorned">She's been tweeting&nbsp;</a>links and... well... tweets... that are relevant, helpful, etc.<br /><br />Did I mention that Cristi is fantastic and I absolutely adore her?<br /><br />Cristi is one of those people who truly embodies what it means to care about other people and work to make the world a better place, to fight against the stigma and myths that surround mental illness, suicide, Postpartum Depression, and related topics. She is a shining beacon of light and hope to people who feel worn out by life, who feel like they're alone, who feel like there is no hope.<br /><br />There are a lot of people out there who don't get it. WAY too many who don't get it, people who actively fight against the idea that mental illness and suicide are serious, people who think that stigma is a joke and that it's okay to mock and deride those who speak up, people who think that suicide is a joking matter (<a href="http://journeythroughppd.blogspot.com/2013/02/just-joking.html">it's not a joke</a> and <a href="http://journeythroughppd.blogspot.com/2011/09/its-just-game-joke-right.html">it's not a game</a>). In fact, I've got another post cooking about an instance of that exact thing happening, an instance in which Cristi speaks up and people are just inane jerks to her, but I wanted to talk about the good first, because good people like Cristi deserve the spotlight more than the jerks of the world.<br /><br />Thank you, Cristi, for everything that you do. You may never know how much good you accomplish and how much you and your efforts mean to other people, but your contributions can't be measured by any human markers. Keep up the good work, you inspiring person you.<br /><br /><i>Be sure to check out Cristi's blog, twitter, and the Stella and Dot show through the links posted throughout the blog.</i><br /><a href="http://s220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/?action=view&amp;current=869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" /></a></div>Estherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16205040884913365466noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6057245090576801598.post-42692209360332115612013-09-10T05:00:00.000-07:002013-09-10T05:00:07.430-07:00Unexpected emotions<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Recently, I posted about <a href="http://journeythroughppd.blogspot.com/2013/08/my-new-journey-gestational-surrogacy.html">my new journey</a> to be a <a href="http://thewombfairy.blogspot.com/p/what-is-gestational-surrogate.html">Gestational Surrogat</a>e. I will not be using TriCare; instead, <a href="http://thewombfairy.blogspot.com/2013/08/the-great-insurance-debate.html">I'll be using private insurance</a>, which I applied for after I matched with my Intended Parents. Recently, I got an email from the insurance agent stating that my application had been passed on to the underwriters for further consideration and that they would be in touch with me. Today, I finally got a call from them and, just as I had suspected, they needed to ask me some more questions about my medical history.<br /><br />I had expected that they would want to ask me about my thyroid and the PPD I had after Lizzie was born. What I didn't expect was to feel ashamed talking to them about the PPD. I pretty quickly realized that I was giving way more information than they needed and that I felt like I was some sort of freak of nature for what I went through.<br /><br />It was a little upsetting to realize that I still harbor feelings of shame about my PPD. I talk about my experiences all the time. I'm very open about what I went through. I blog. I tweet. I talk about it on Facebook. I talk about it in person. I try to be an open book about my experiences, partly so that people know they have someone to talk to instead of feeling all alone like I did. A big part of it, though, is that I talk about it so others know that it isn't anything to be ashamed of. And yet, I still sometimes get knocked for a loop by that lingering monster of false guilt. Ugh.<br /><a href="http://s220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/?action=view&amp;current=869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" /></a><br /><br />P.S.<br />If you're interested in following my journey through surrogacy, head on over to <a href="http://thewombfairy.blogspot.com/">The Womb Fairy</a>, my new blog devoted to the path towards being a very personal and very extended babysitter.</div>Estherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16205040884913365466noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6057245090576801598.post-1065415918646801612013-09-04T11:17:00.001-07:002013-09-04T11:17:28.130-07:00My mom's thoughts on PPD<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hqjpdkRV6w0/Uid5INNRjNI/AAAAAAAACCk/tQswsUmOu1o/s1600/5027_105132104047_64688_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hqjpdkRV6w0/Uid5INNRjNI/AAAAAAAACCk/tQswsUmOu1o/s320/5027_105132104047_64688_n.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><i>In honor of the fact that my mom is celebrating her birthday this week, I thought I'd share a guest post she sent me a little while back. My mom is a wonderful and amazing person; I can't imagine having anyone but her as my mom and I'm so blessed to have such a supportive woman in my life. Please welcome my mother, Sharon O'Neal.</i><br /><br /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I would like to share some of my thoughts about PPD, in hopes that it'll be helpful.</span></span><br /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I experienced some mild baby blues after my second baby's birth. They would happen unexpectedly at the strangest moments, but then pass in a short while. I'm sure my two-year-old daughter wondered why Mommy would tear up while reading about cars, planes, and trains! But, within a few weeks or so, they were gone, and life was wonderful and busy.&nbsp;</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Life happened and time passed, and I didn't think about it very often. Then, when our granddaughter Elizabeth was three months old, we received a call from our son-in-love letting us know that Esther had gone to the hospital to seek help for Postpartum Depression and he was at home with the (breastfeeding) baby. I promised to pack some things and go the next day. I stayed with them, helping with Elizabeth.&nbsp;</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">When we got clearance to go visit Esther at the facility, we would go and take turns visiting Esther while the other one waited with Elizabeth in the waiting area. I remember the first time I saw Esther after her admittance. She had the bleakest, most lifeless look in her eyes. The despair in her was almost physically palpable. It broke my heart to think of how much she was and had been suffering. As I think back now, I have tears in my eyes, and I remember thinking, “We will do whatever we need to do to help this daughter and her precious family.”&nbsp;</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The following season was one of the hardest in my life. But, when I see how hard Esther and Eric have fought this disease, and how passionate she has become on behalf of others, I am so thankful that she had the courage to say, “I need help and I deserve help.” And that's the message I now try to pass on to others: no matter what you're dealing with, you are loved, you do deserve help, and there's no reason to feel any shame or guilt for this problem. If there's a family member of a woman with PPMD who needs someone to listen, I'm here for you.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>I can't put into words how grateful I am for Mom's love, support, and acceptance during that difficult time, and ever since, extending now to how grateful I am for this post. I love you, Mom!</i></span></div><a href="http://s220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/?action=view&amp;current=869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" /></a></div>Estherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16205040884913365466noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6057245090576801598.post-25676152429487979782013-08-20T14:44:00.001-07:002013-08-20T14:44:28.221-07:00My new journey: gestational surrogacy<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Recently, I told my family and friends about <a href="http://thewombfairy.blogspot.com/2012/12/new-territory.html">a new journey</a> I've undertaken: <a href="http://thewombfairy.blogspot.com/p/what-is-gestational-surrogate.html">Gestational Surrogacy</a>. In a nutshell, I'm going to carry a baby (or babies?) for someone else. I won't get into a long spiel about why I'm doing it; if you want, you can follow my journey at my surrogacy blog, <a href="http://thewombfairy.blogspot.com/">The Womb Fairy</a>.<br /><br />Today, I want to address a question that I've been getting a lot. In various forms and wordings, people ask me "But what about PPD? Why put yourself through that again?".<br /><br />In large part, I think this is due to a misunderstanding of what, exactly, my experience with PPD has been. After my first daughter was born, I was hospitalized twice and had to take medication after being diagnosed with Postpartum Depression. I believe there was also undiagnosed Postpartum OCD since I had the classic symptom of intrusive thoughts, but for this post, that is neither here nor there. Regardless of what the diagnosis was, it was an absolutely horrible experience that nobody should ever have to live through; I wouldn't even wish it on my worst enemy.<br /><br />However, when I was 8 months postpartum (December 2009), I was (belatedly) diagnosed with hypothyroidism (I say "belatedly" because I came to find out that the numbers had been there earlier, my previous doctor just didn't say or do anything about it). The hypothyroidism was caused by the pregnancy and was what was causing my PPD. As soon as my new doctor diagnosed this, she started me on 25 mcg of levothyroxine. <a href="http://www.drugs.com/levothyroxine.html">Drugs.com explains levothyroxine as</a> <i>"a replacement for a hormone normally produced by your thyroid gland to regulate the body's energy and metabolism. Levothyroxine is gven when the thyroid does not produce enough of this hormone on it's own"</i>. Levothyroxine is classified as an FDA pregnancy category A drug, meaning that it is not expected to harm an unborn baby. 25mcg was the lowest dose that I could be started at. Upon checking my levels at a follow-up apointment, my thyroid levels were improved but still not within normal limits so the doctor up'ed my prescription to 50mcg. Follow-up labs showed that 50mcg was my magic dose. To date, including during my 2 subsequent pregnancies, my thyroid levels have been monitored (at least once per trimester during pregnancy and once a year outside of that) and have never gone outside of normal limits, my medication dosage has never had to be adjusted, and I've never again had trouble with PPMD.<br /><br />I did take Zoloft at the end of pregnancy and throughout the first few months postpartum with the last two babies, as a prophylactic measure, but have been able to come off of that easily and quickly, and - again - have not had a repeat of 2009.<br /><br />So, why would I put myself through this when I know there's a risk of a repeat of PPMD? There are several reasons.<br />1. Anyone who is pregnant, for themselves or for someone else, risks PPMD.<br />2. From a risk-benefit assessment standpoint, I don't see the risk as being high. It is very clear that 2009 was a direct result of my thyroid being off, and history has shown that subsequent pregnancies have not been an issue. The doctors are fine with it and so am I. And *if* I were to end up with PPMD again, I would feel in the long run that it was worth it, to give someone the precious gift of a baby. But again, I simply don't think there's that much of a risk<br />3. If I live my life according to "But what if...", I've let PPMD win. I refuse, absolutely REFUSE, to let fear rule my life. I certainly refuse to let PPMD have such a say in what choices I make. PPMD doesn't get to decide what I do, where I go, who I associate with, or how I live my life. PPMD doesn't get to hold me back. I let PPMD do that in 2009 and I won't allow it to do so now when I haven't even had PPMD in years. I don't care to allow PPMD that much of a foothold in my life.<br /><br />A big part of the reason why I have this blog, why I'm involved in the PPMD awareness/education community, is because I hate PPMD and I don't want PPMD to win. If I let fear of PPMD dictate my choices and hold me back, I've handed it a trophy. I won't do that. PPMD is a bastard that I want to see defeated and eradicated and a big step in that direction, for me, is in making my own choices instead of letting PPMD make those choices for me. I will not let fear run my life. I've taken my life back and I plan on keeping it that way.<br /><blockquote class="tr_bq"><i>*DISCLAIMER* I am in no way judging those who feel that a different choice is better for them. Everyone has to do what they feel is right for them, that is not for me to decide for anyone but myself. There are other people who feel different for themselves and I totally support that. This blog post and the opinions contained in it are strictly my own thoughts and feelings, my own choices, for myself, and should not be assumed to be what I think anyone else should do. This blog should also not be taken as critical of anyone who has asked me why I would be a surrogate, it is only an explanation of how I'm thinking on this issue.</i></blockquote><br /><a href="http://s220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/?action=view&amp;current=869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" /></a></div>Estherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16205040884913365466noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6057245090576801598.post-975323056871317312013-07-24T22:40:00.000-07:002013-07-24T22:40:51.392-07:00PPD isn't impressed by titles or wealth<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I'm one of those people who is fascinated by royalty, especially the British Royal Family. I remember watching the funeral of Diana, Princess of Wales when I was a teenager. I watched Prince William's wedding to the former Kate Middleton live (streamed it on the internet) very early in the morning while I nursed a newborn baby. I've been enthralled waiting for the arrival of the newest member of their family (who came into the world on July 22, 2013), formerly known as "the royal baby" and now (since his name as been announced) known as HRH Prince George Alexander Louis of Cambridge.<br /><br />This evening, something struck me that has stuck with me in the back of the mind for the last couple of days. I got to watch via live stream (yay for smart phones) as the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge brought Prince George out front of the hospital to meet the press, the public, and - in a way, the world - before leaving for Kensington Palace. Kate said something then that has been niggling at my brain; she said that it's "very emotional".<br /><br />Pregnancy is emotional. Childbirth is emotional. Becoming parents is emotional, whether it's your first child or your third. She nailed it.<br /><br />But I hope - and I don't know how well I can translate my thoughts and feelings on this in to words - that she knows to watch out for the negative emotions. I hope that she is surrounded by people who know about Postpartum Depression, Postpartum Anxiety, Postpartum OCD, Postpartum Psychosis, etc., who can help her keep an eye out for it and - should she start to suffer - help her get help.<br /><br />But I don't just wish this for her. I wish this for EVERY new mom out there. My hope for all of you is that you have educated yourself about the realities and symptoms of PPMD, that you are surrounded by people who know about it and who will speak up and help you get help if they notice something is wrong.<br /><br />PPMD is no respecter of persons. It doesn't care who you are. It's a bastard like that. We ALL deserve to be able to get help, though. Don't think that because you don't have a title you don't deserve help or are supposed to suffer. And don't think that because you're a celebrity you have to suffer in silence and just try to push through it. &nbsp;If you need help, ask for it.<br /><br />We all matter.<br /><br /><a href="http://s220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/?action=view&amp;current=869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" /></a></div>Estherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16205040884913365466noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6057245090576801598.post-19481680243056732362013-05-12T13:03:00.000-07:002013-05-12T13:03:38.035-07:00My Mother's Day wish for you<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zUBgrek3FPE/UY_pK7txTdI/AAAAAAAAB9E/memBcg_a0O8/s1600/you+rawrk..jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zUBgrek3FPE/UY_pK7txTdI/AAAAAAAAB9E/memBcg_a0O8/s320/you+rawrk..jpg" width="320" /></a></div>I'd like to start by apologizing for my silence. It's been kind of a crazy month-plus since my last post and some personal circumstances have made it hard for me to post anything (emotionally, writer's block, that kind of hard). However, I'm dusting off my pen (so to speak) for Mother's Day.<br /><br />For all the mothers out there, of any variety, Happy Mother's Day. If you are a mother, you are fierce and you are awesome. Whether you are a birth mom, adoptive mom, stay-at-home-mom, work-at-home-mom, employed outside the home mom, mom who goes to college, mom who's lost a baby or a child, or any other kind of mom (and this is by no means an exclusive list), you rock. You are a wonderful mom, no matter how much you feel otherwise (goodness knows I feel less than awesome quite often). It doesn't matter what you look like, what you wear, whether you breast feed or formula feed or some combination, whether you use cloth diapers or disposable, whether you wear your baby or not, whether or not you vaccinate or if you do so on schedule, delayed, or alternative/selective schedule, whether you gave birth with medication, without medication, vaginally, or by c-section, how many children you have, whether they live with you, with someone else, or in heaven, whether you are tall or short, skinny or fluffy, all that doesn't matter. You. Are. Awesome. You are fierce. You are amazing. You are fantastic, fabulous, wonderful, beautiful inside and out, lovely, and great.<br /><br />Motherhood is not all about being the "perfect" mom. It's not about meeting some nonsensical ideal that the world has set up for us. It's not about being some specific religion or member of any one church. Motherhood is not about baking cookies every day, sewing your own clothes and having them look like they came off the rack at Nordstrom. It's not about having the best Pinterest boards (and making everything off of them and having the projects turn out perfectly). It's not about always being happy, having beautifully done makeup and manicured/painted nails. Motherhood is not even the one thing that defines you. You are a complex woman with many roles and many defining factors and aspects.<br /><br />Don't let the hype of being the perfect mother get you down or make you feel less than worthy. I assure you, there is no such thing as the perfect mother who has everything together (maybe my own mom, but I'm pretty sure she'd disagree with me since she's the one who told me there's no perfect mom).<br /><br />And to all my PPMD mama's, I'd like to send extra special gentle and loving hugs to you. Having PPMD doesn't say anything about your capabilities as a mom. It doesn't make you any less of a mom or a worse mom. Love yourself, accept yourself, give yourself permission to feel whatever you want or need to feel, even if that means not liking Mother's Day because it reminds you of all your struggles. I'd also recommend you head over to <a href="http://www.postpartumprogress.com/">Postpartum Progress</a> and check out the <a href="http://www.postpartumprogress.com/welcome-to-the-5th-annual-mothers-day-rally-for-moms-mental-health">5th Annual Mother's Day Rally for Mental Health</a>.<br /><br />If you are a mom, today is for you. I know sometimes Mother's Day can be so incredibly difficult. This year, it has difficult aspects for me. If Mother's Day is bittersweet for you, that's okay. If it's sad, that's okay. If it makes you angry, that's okay. Today, if Mother's Day is happy, I wish you a Happy Mother's Day. If it isn't, I wish you Whatever Kind Of Mother's Day You Need Mother's Day To Be.<br /><br />You have my love.<br /><a href="http://s220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/?action=view&amp;current=869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" /></a></div>Estherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16205040884913365466noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6057245090576801598.post-53759395975097693272013-04-04T00:11:00.003-07:002013-04-04T00:11:47.802-07:00HAWMC Day 4: Sharing Resources<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><b id="internal-source-marker_0.5573772315401584"></b><br /><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><b id="internal-source-marker_0.5573772315401584"><i><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sharing Resources: </span><b id="internal-source-marker_0.5573772315401584"></b></i></b></div><div dir="ltr" style="display: inline !important; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><b id="internal-source-marker_0.5573772315401584"><i><b id="internal-source-marker_0.5573772315401584"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Create a “care page” – a list of your best resources that someone who is newly diagnosed could </span></b></i></b></div><b id="internal-source-marker_0.5573772315401584"><i><b id="internal-source-marker_0.5573772315401584"><div dir="ltr" style="display: inline !important; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">go to when starting to advocate for themselves or a loved one. Remember to include sites that </span></div></b><b id="internal-source-marker_0.5573772315401584"><div dir="ltr" style="display: inline !important; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">lead to successful self advocacy!</span></div></b></i><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">PPMD related blogs I recommend:</span></div><br /><ul style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://www.postpartumprogress.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">PostPartum Progress</span></a><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://www.bandbacktogether.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Band Back Together</span></a></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://www.beyondpostpartumblog.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Beyond PostPartum</span></a></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://katekripke.wordpress.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Kate Kripke, LCSW: Prenatal and PostPartum Wellness Strategies</span></a></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://butterfly-confessions.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Butterfly Confessions</span></a></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://www.farewellstranger.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Farewell Stranger</span></a></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://jamesandjax.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">James and Jax</span></a></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://learned-happiness.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Learned Happiness</span></a></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://www.motherhoodunadorned.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Motherhood Unadorned</span></a></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://www.multitaskingmumma.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Multitasking Mumma</span></a></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://mypostpartumvoice.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My PostPartum Voice</span></a></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://gigglesandgrimaces.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Our Giggles &amp; Grimaces</span></a></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://www.our-journey-through-life.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Our Journey Through Life</span></a></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://postpartumdesert.wordpress.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">PostPartum Desert</span></a><a href="http://www.postpartumprogress.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></a></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://ppdsurvivor.blogspot.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">PPD Survivor</span></a></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://www.ppdtojoy.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">PPD to Joy</span></a></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://www.reallyimamom.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Really? I'm A Mom?</span></a></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://livingselfcare.wordpress.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Self-Care Tips For Women</span></a></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://hardtomommy.blogspot.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sometimes It's Hard</span></a></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://stacey-supermom.blogspot.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Supermom</span></a></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://www.rebuild-from-depression.com/blog/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Rebuild Blog</span></a></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://www.tobreatheagainbook.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">To Breathe Again</span></a></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://www.withalittleloveandluck.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">With a Little Love and Luck</span></a></div></li></ul><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Other recommended links:</span></div><br /><ul style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://www.jennyslight.org/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Jenny's Light</span></a></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://www.marchofdimes.com/pregnancy/postpartum_depression.html" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">March of Dimes: PPD</span></a></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://www.postpartumny.org/bookstore.htm" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The PostPartum Resource Center of New York</span></a></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://postpartum.net/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">PostPartum Support International</span></a></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://postpartum.net/Get-Help/PSI-Support-for-Military-Families.aspx" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">PSI Support for Military Families</span></a></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://www.postpartumprogress.com/ppd-support-groups-in-the-u-s-canada" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">PostPartum Progress: PPD Support Groups in the US and Canada</span></a></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://ppdsupportpage.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Online PPMD Support Group</span></a></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: -24px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://www.babybluesconnection.org/bbc/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Baby Blues Connection</span></a></div></li></ul><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Twitter:</span></div><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">#PPDChat is a weekly Twitter chat &nbsp;led by </span><a href="https://twitter.com/unxpctdblessing" style="font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lauren Hale</span></a><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> on Mondays at 1pm and 8:30pm Eastern Time. The #PPDChat hashtag is used during non-moderated chat times as a community of support, friendship, and advocacy whenever wanted/needed.</span></b><br /><br /><a href="http://s220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/?action=view&amp;current=869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" target="_blank"><span style="color: black;"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" /></span></a></div>Estherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16205040884913365466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6057245090576801598.post-35953753472738333422013-04-03T06:00:00.000-07:002013-04-03T12:32:03.822-07:00HAWMC Day 3: Wordless Wednesday<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><b id="internal-source-marker_0.46592913940548897"></b><br /><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><b id="internal-source-marker_0.46592913940548897"><i><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Wordless Wednesday - </span><span style="vertical-align: baseline;"> </span></i></b><b id="internal-source-marker_0.46592913940548897" style="text-align: left;"><i><b id="internal-source-marker_0.46592913940548897"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Post a picture that symbolizes your condition and your experiences.</span></b></i></b></div><br /><div style="font-weight: normal; text-align: center;"><b id="internal-source-marker_0.46592913940548897"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-weight: normal; text-align: center;"><b id="internal-source-marker_0.46592913940548897"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PBozCN6x9U0/UVkxotkGwZI/AAAAAAAAB7k/VPsQtCOSIBo/s1600/light.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="476" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PBozCN6x9U0/UVkxotkGwZI/AAAAAAAAB7k/VPsQtCOSIBo/s640/light.jpg" width="640" /></a></b></div><div style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="internal-source-marker_0.46592913940548897"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></b></div><br />Photo (C) Esther Dale, 2013<br /><a href="http://s220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/?action=view&amp;current=869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" /></a></div>Estherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16205040884913365466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6057245090576801598.post-22177906265836848312013-04-02T06:00:00.000-07:002013-04-02T06:00:07.034-07:00HAWMC Day 2: Introducing PPMD<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><b id="internal-source-marker_0.5116951193194836" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></b><br /><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><b id="internal-source-marker_0.5116951193194836" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Introduce your condition(s) to other Health Activists. What are 5 things you want them to &nbsp;know about your condition/your activism? Share links to 3-5 of your old posts (or posts from other Health Activists!) that you think will help the newly diagnosed.</span></span></b></div><b id="internal-source-marker_0.5116951193194836" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m a Health Activist for Postpartum Mood and Anxiety Disorders. I personally have suffered from Postpartum Depression, Postpartum OCD, Postpartum Anxiety, and Antenatal Depression (not a PPMD because it occurs during pregnancy prior to giving birth) but I also feel that it’s important to talk about Postpartum Psychosis and Postpartum PTSD. As much work as remains to be done to better educate the public about Postpartum Depression, I think there’s even more to be done to raise awareness about other lesser-known PPMD. I say this based on the fact that not only do most every-day non-medical people I talk to not know about anything other than PPD, even medical personnel misdiagnose other PPMD as being PPD and are uneducated about anything other than PPD.</span></div><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I think this ties in nicely with the part of today’s prompt that says to share 5 things I’d like others to know about PPMD. Please note that these are not necessarily listed in order of importance, as I think they’re all equally important.</span></div><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><ol style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><li dir="ltr" style="list-style-type: decimal; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Different PPMD are not all the same thing and the terms can not and should not be used interchangeably. The biggest example I see of this is people saying someone has/had Postpartum Depression when they actually had </span><a href="http://www.postpartumprogress.com/the-symptoms-of-postpartum-psychosis-in-plain-mama-english"><span style="color: #1155cc; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Postpartum Psychosis</span></a><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. What far too many people don’t realize is that, although they both fall under the heading of PPMD, </span><a href="http://journeythroughppd.blogspot.com/2012/08/postpartum-depression-postpartum.html"><span style="color: #1155cc; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">PPD and PPP are not the same thing.</span></a><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="list-style-type: decimal; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When someone says they are having thoughts of hurting themselves or the baby, it’s important to make sure that they’re truly experiencing suicidal/homicidal ideations typical of PPD or PPP; too often, what a new mom thinks is thoughts of hurting herself/her baby is actually </span><a href="http://journeythroughppd.blogspot.com/2012/11/of-my-struggles-with-postpartum-ocd.html"><span style="color: #1155cc; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">intrusive thoughts</span></a><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, which are a distinctive </span><a href="http://www.postpartumprogress.com/the-symptoms-of-postpartum-depression-anxiety-in-plain-mama-english"><span style="color: #1155cc; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">symptom of Postpartum OCD</span></a><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. It’s important to distinguish between the types of thoughts and symptoms and make sure that the correct diagnosis is made because different PPMD may respond better to different methods of treatment.</span></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="list-style-type: decimal; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://journeythroughppd.blogspot.com/2012/01/is-post-partum-depression-cop-out.html"><span style="color: #1155cc; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Postpartum Mood and Anxiety Disorders are not a cop-out</span></a><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. They’re not some pretend thing that people use to get out of trouble or to make excuses for not doing housework. PPMD are legitimate illnesses that suck &nbsp;to an extent that is impossible to comprehend until you’ve experienced it. And even after experiencing PPMD, you still can’t expect to understand what everyone else with PPMD experiences, because everyone’s experiences are different.</span></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="list-style-type: decimal; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://journeythroughppd.blogspot.com/2011/09/sometimes-prayer-just-isnt-enough.html"><span style="color: #1155cc; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">PPMD are not automatically something you can just pray away</span></a><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. It’s not as simple as singing more hymns, having more faith, saying the right prayers, repenting of sins, binding Satan and his demons, attending church faithfully, being exorcised, getting blessings that are worded the right way, or anything else faith related. Sometimes those things may help comfort an individual and help them feel relief from symptoms, but to assume that PPMD are tied to one’s faith (or lack thereof) is wrong, and hinting (or outright saying) that they must not be taking the right steps with regards to their faith can be more harmful than one might imagine.</span></div></li><li dir="ltr" style="list-style-type: decimal; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><a href="http://journeythroughppd.blogspot.com/2012/05/you-think-you-know-me-but-you-have-no.html"><span style="color: #1155cc; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There is no one way that women with PPMD can be assumed to look.</span></a><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> You can not assume that a woman with PPMD will be disheveled, be perpetually in tears, or appear to be in distress. Many women can and do hide the fact that they are suffering, and/or the extent of their suffering, not only from the world but from the loved ones they are the closest too. I speak from personal experience about that.</span></div></li></ol><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Five bullets is barely even a scratch on the surface. For more information about PPMD, go do some more reading. Read more of my blog entries, follow the links in this post, and check out the resources and blogs in the tabs at the top of this page. Happy HAWMC and enjoy your reading. :)</span></div><div><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div></span></b><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><a href="http://s220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/?action=view&amp;current=869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" /></span></a></div>Estherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16205040884913365466noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6057245090576801598.post-90537862773742746662013-04-01T06:00:00.000-07:002013-04-01T06:00:12.685-07:00HAWMC Day 1: Getting Started!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><b id="internal-source-marker_0.313041448360309" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></b><br /><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><b id="internal-source-marker_0.313041448360309" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hello, and a very Happy HAWMC to you! If you just said “Gesundheit”, thinking maybe I sneezed, thank you, but there was no sneezing. :D “What?!”, you say, “You didn’t sneeze? Then what on earth is that... uh... word. HAWMC? Haymitch? OMG! Are you going to blog about the Hunger Games movies and books?!? You’re the coolest blogger e-var!!!1!”. Nah, hold your horses. Much as I love Hunger Games, and as much as the Hunger Games books are fantastic about expressing mental health issues like PTSD without making it look like it drives you nuts and turns you into some raving lunatic, and as much as I get all melty inside when... never mind, don’t want to get in trouble for spoilers... no. I did not say Haymitch. I said Happy HAWMC. HAWMC is an acronym standing for Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge. April is Health Activist Writer’s Month, and every year, WeGo Health does the HWMC, where they send out a list of prompts and Health Activists take up the gauntlet to try to write one blog post a day for 30 days. I tried it last year but due to travel and pregnancy, it just didn’t really go very well. This year, I’ve decided to try it again. Considering that I’m in school full time and my husband is currently away with the Army (meaning I’m also juggling the kids by myself), I’m not sure whether I’ll actually make it all the way through all 3 days, but it should be fun and I’m going to give it a go. This year, I’m just not going to put much pressure on myself and see it as a challenge rather than a commitment. Pregnancy hormones last year had me feeling (unreasonably) like I was letting someone (not really sure who) down by not completing the challenge. *rolls eyes* Yay, pregnancy hormones.</span></span></b></div><b id="internal-source-marker_0.313041448360309" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Anyways, getting on to the first prompt...</span></div><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">HAWMC Day 1: Getting Started! Why you write – tell us a little bit about why you write about your health online and what got you started.</span></div><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My name is Esther, for those of you who don’t already know me, and I am a survivor of Postpartum Mood and Anxiety Disorders. I’ve fought my way through Postpartum Depression, Postpartum Anxiety, Postpartum OCD, Antenatal Depression, and what I think was probably some Postpartum PTSD. The majority of this happened after my first baby was born in 2009. When she was just a few months old, I was hospitalized twice with what was then being called PPD and PPA; I now (a grand total of 4 years later) recognize that I also had a nasty case of Postpartum OCD. At the end of the year, the doctors figured out that the pregnancy had caused me to develop hypothyroidism, which can cause mental health issues including, after pregnancy, being the real culprit behind PPMD for some women. At any rate, once my thyroid levels were under control, my PPMD cleared right up.</span></div><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When I was suffering in silence, even after my hospitalization when I was still hurting and confused but keeping quiet because I thought nobody would understand, I came across Postpartum Progress. Postpartum Progress helped me more than I can say. Once my thyroid issues were diagnosed, I realized that there needed to be a louder conversation about thyroid and PPMD, about pregnancy and thyroid issues, and about PPMD in general. I realized how much of a help Postpartum Progress and the other PPD blogs I was starting to find were helping me, and I started wanting to speak up more to let other women know they weren’t alone.</span></div><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Eventually, I discovered #PPDChat, the brain child of Lauren Hale from My Postpartum Voice. I started to realize that there really were a lot of women out there like me and that there were women who were still suffering in silence like I had, because they didn’t realize that it was normal and that there were people to talk to who had BTDT. I started blogging more and more and now, if you get me started talking about PPMD, it can be hard to get me to shut up.</span></div><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So why do I blog? I write about PPMD because I know how much it hurts. I know how dark the tunnel is. I know how oppressive the cloud is. I know how hard it can be to even get out of bed and go change a diaper and make a bottle. I know the doubts and fears that pop up when you start to think “Maybe I should ask for help”. I know how absolutely terrifying it can be to go in to the ER and say “I’ having these thoughts I know something is very wrong”, to do the admission paperwork and all the while, wonder if CPS is going to swoop in and snatch your baby away from you because you have PPMD. I know how dull and lifeless the world can seem, how hopeless it can all appear. I know what it’s like to be standing at the top of the stairs, looking down in the middle of the night, and thinking “Maybe everyone would be better off without me”. I know what it’s like to be a military spouse and worry about whether your husband will get chaptered out, lose his clearance, or get reclassed because of your inner demons, inner demons you certainly never wanted and that you only want to be rid of.</span></div><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I write because I know how much it hurts to hear people say things like “What sin have you left unconfessed?” or “It’s all just in your head”, I know how painful it is to hear people talking about Andrea Yates and say “Women with Postpartum Depression shouldn't be allowed to have kids.”. I know how maddening it is to hear people say “Oh, well, you’re just thinking the wrong way” or “Why don’t you just pray more?”. I write because I’ve been there and, thank God, I survived. I made it through to the other side of the nightmare thanks to the support of my family and close friends, but some people don’t have that, and I want to be that for them. I don’t want anyone I know to ever think that PPMD is something they have to walk through by themselves. </span></div><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I write because I want to fight the myths and the stigmas, because I want to bring greater awareness to the public, to better educate the people around me (both in real life every day and on the internet) about the realities of PPMD and that it’s not just a cop-out.</span></div><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I write because that was me, and someday, when my daughters have children, I want them to feel comfortable seeking help if they need it. </span></div><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I write because others wrote, and what they wrote helped me more than I can ever say, and it taught me that words can make a difference. I want to make a difference. I want to be part of the difference. That is why I write.</span></div><div><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div></span></b><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><a href="http://s220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/?action=view&amp;current=869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" /></span></a></div>Estherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16205040884913365466noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6057245090576801598.post-23501098878948480922013-03-21T13:59:00.000-07:002013-03-22T18:01:56.013-07:00A big old can of Troll-B-Gone<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br /><div class="" style="clear: both;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3HeIEVAbbRA/UUk9fRbAYfI/AAAAAAAABvg/EGopOe1F4Lc/s1600/205399_10151578716159048_419515142_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3HeIEVAbbRA/UUk9fRbAYfI/AAAAAAAABvg/EGopOe1F4Lc/s200/205399_10151578716159048_419515142_n.jpg" width="200" /></a>Recently, I read a blog post that&nbsp;<a href="https://twitter.com/learndhappiness" target="_blank">Susan</a>&nbsp;from&nbsp;<a href="http://learned-happiness.com/" target="_blank">Learned Happiness</a>&nbsp;wrote, titled&nbsp;<a href="http://learned-happiness.com/2013/03/18/shouldnt-have-had-children/" target="_blank">"So you think I shouldn't have had children".</a>&nbsp;Susan's blog post talked about the recent discussions about PPMD that have occurred across the internet as the result of various talk-shows deciding to focus on moms who take anti-depressants. I tried to pick a quote from the blog post that stood out the most, but it all stood out; it was wonderfully written. Susan expresses beautifully the problems with the mentality that women who need medication shouldn't have children. Since I don't want to post the entire blog post here (I'd rather direct the traffic directly to her blog), I'll just leave the link up and tell you to go over there RIGHT NOW and read Susan's post.</div><br />Anyways, I had read Susan's blog post and it really resonated with me, so I posted the link on my Facebook profile. Several people shared the link on their own pages, which made me squeal with delight (I always love it when&nbsp;<a href="http://journeythroughppd.blogspot.com/p/other-blogs.html" target="_blank">PPMD blogs</a>&nbsp;get more visibility). I hoped that some good discussions would perhaps get started. That is, after all, part of the point in posting about PPMD, to get people talking and combat the stigma. I got my wish, in part. I say "in part" because on one of these links, a discussion definitely got started, but I don't think I would exactly label it "good".<br /><br />The ignorant comments made by someone who read the Facebook post got me irritated (I think if you look closely, you can still see a little hint of smoke coming out of my ears), and not for the first time in the last few weeks, I find myself thinking about trolls and how to avoid them.<br /><br />It seems like the best and only way to really avoid getting trolled is to avoid reading the comments of... well, pretty much anything. For example: Huffington Post featured&nbsp;<a href="https://twitter.com/postpartumprog" target="_blank">Katherine Stone</a>&nbsp;of&nbsp;<a href="http://www.postpartumprogress.com/" target="_blank">Postpartum Progress</a>,&nbsp;<a href="http://fierceandpowerful.com/wordpress/fierce-blog/" target="_blank">Fierce and Powerful</a>, and&nbsp;<a href="http://blogs.babble.com/babble-voices/something-fierce-katherine-stone/" target="_blank">Something Fierce</a>&nbsp;in a post titled "<a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/katherinestone/knowing-all-the-facts-ppd_b_2891789.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000003" target="_blank">It's time for everyone to get the facts about Postpartum Depression</a>". I read the post and cheered. Then I made the mistake of reading the comments and went from "Woohoo!!!" to "Yahoos!!!".<br /><br />This is a common occurrence. There's a media storm about PPMD (usually surrounding a tragedy, such as&nbsp;<a href="http://journeythroughppd.blogspot.com/2013/03/yesterday-i-cried.html" target="_blank">Cynthia Wachenheim's suicide</a>, or a mother killing her children, such as with&nbsp;<a href="http://journeythroughppd.blogspot.com/2012/01/is-post-partum-depression-cop-out.html" target="_blank">Andrea Yates and Otty Sanchez</a>. Or maybe the discussion is the result of a celebrity speaking up about having/survived a Postpartum Mood and Anxiety Disorder, such as&nbsp;<a href="http://journeythroughppd.blogspot.com/2012/08/from-postpartum-depression-to-olympics.html" target="_blank">Lashinda Demus</a>). For whatever reason, when the media starts talking about PPMD, it brings out the trolls and the uneducated, ignorant masses who believe things like "<a href="http://journeythroughppd.blogspot.com/2011/09/sometimes-prayer-just-isnt-enough.html" target="_blank">PPD can be prayed away</a>" or "<a href="http://journeythroughppd.blogspot.com/2013/01/i-would-not-take-any-of-these-drugs.html" target="_blank">You shouldn't take such medication</a>". These people spout their rhetoric and spew their word-vomit and the result is the furthering of some nasty stigmas that are&nbsp;<a href="http://journeythroughppd.blogspot.com/2012/09/stigmas-are-like-constipated-bumholes.html" target="_blank">about as much fun as constipation and hemorrhoids</a>.<br /><br />So what is it about PPMD that brings out the trolls? Why do people feel free to say horrid things about mental illness? Why do they feel that it is acceptable to judge the fact that some of us really do need to take medication to control a condition that is trying to control us?<br /><br />Maybe you're reading this and scoffing, thinking "Pssh. She's just being overly sensitive." or "That poor woman, doesn't she know that mental illnesses aren't REAL illnesses? Doesn't she know that antidepressants are over-prescribed and our society is over-medicated?". Let me tell you, that is simply NOT true. Yes, I am sensitive about mental health, mental illness, and especially maternal mental health. But you know what?&nbsp;<b>I HAVE GOOD REASON TO BE!</b>&nbsp;(yes, that is me yelling). I have lived through the pain of PPD, PPA, PPOCD, and Antenatal Depression. I've struggled through trying to ignore it, refusing to ask for help, and trying to "pray it away" or "think enough happy thoughts". I've struggled through the decision to start taking medication. I've struggled through the hospitalizations. I've fought my way through the emotional minefield of feeling like a failure because I needed that help. I've seen other women try to make their way through that same minefield. I know first-hand exactly how much harm it does to hear someone say "You should just be more thankful to God for your blessings". I know from personal experience how hurtful it is to read and hear people saying all the nasty things they say in these blog posts and news stories in the comments sections. So yeah, I'm a little sensitive, but I'm not overly so because I don't think there's any such thing as being overly sensitive when it comes to this topic that is still far too under-diagnosed and the center of too much unnecessary controversy as the result of stigmas, myths, ignorance, and a lack of awareness and education.<br /><br />So what do we do when we see these trolls? I haven't figured that out yet. I think I stand with a lot of other PPMD survivors and bloggers in being conflicted on the matter. On one hand, reading the comments can be triggering and infuriating. Engaging the trolls can be the same and gives them exactly what they're looking for: a reaction. On the other hand, not speaking up allows others to get only one view and perhaps to have incorrect opinions strengthened. Speaking up is how we combat the stigmas and myths, it's how we correct the misinformation being spread. And sometimes, it's hard to tell whether someone is being a troll or if they are legitimate in their beliefs and are uneducated and in need of hearing the other side of the story.<br /><br />All that to say that I'm not sure what the "right answer" is, or if there is one. I'm not even sure why people think that such a major life-or-death issue like PPMD is acceptable to troll. I would, however, like to say this to the trolls:<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><b><i><u><span style="color: red; font-size: x-large;">STOP IT!!!!!!</span></u></i></b></div><br />Please. For the love of Peter, Paul, and Mary, just stop. Stop trolling. Hopefully you don't realize how much damage you have the potential to do, but it's a lot. PPMD isn't some subject that gets talked about and after the heated discussion, nobody is worse off for it. PPMD is a topic that is real, and the hurtful things that trolls say can cause real and lasting damage for the vulnerable women who read the comments.<br /><br />I asked on&nbsp;<a href="http://www.twitter.com/cornmuffinsmama" target="_blank">twitter</a>&nbsp;what people thought about PPMD trolls and I wanted to share these responses:<br /><br /><blockquote class="tr_bq"><i><a href="http://www.twitter.com/donotfaint" target="_blank">@donotfaint</a>: "I had a troll stuck to me once who "double-checked" my research &amp; drs &amp; told me I was exposing my son to a higher risk of SIDS if I didn't breastfeed him. She changed her email address to keep writing to me after I blocked her! ... That is how I learned that trolls are always actually talking about themselves."</i>&nbsp;</blockquote><blockquote class="tr_bq"><i><a href="http://www.twitter.com/learndhappiness" target="_blank">@learndhappiness</a>: "trolls are dangerous bc they say what we think on our worst days &amp; struggling moms won't know they're full of shit".</i></blockquote><br />Trolls, you may not realize it, but this topic is not fun and games. Postpartum Mood and Anxiety Disorders are literally a life and death matter. When suicide is cited as the second leading cause of death in the postpartum period, trolling PPMD is not a joke. When you make the decision to troll an article, blog post, or other conversation about PPMD, you are playing with peoples lives. Women who are suffering from PPMD are already fighting those nasty thoughts and feelings that they're a failure and shouldn't have children. Hearing it from someone else serves only to reinforce those problematic notions, sometimes with disastrous consequences.<br /><br />If you're not a troll (that is to say, you aren't causing a ruckus just to get a rise out of people), please consider the same thing and think about what you're going to say. If what you say could even remotely be taken as unsympathetic, blaming the mom, judgmental, attacking, stigma-inducing, etc., please, just don't say it. At the very least, talk to someone who has BTDT and is not currently struggling, and ask them to help you figure out how to best phrase your thoughts in a manner that will not be likely to cause emotional and mental distress to a vulnerable new mom.<br /><br />Trolling can be harmless, in the right environment. A discussion involving PPMD is not the right environment. Don't be That Guy. Don't troll PPMD.<br /><br /><a href="http://s220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/?action=view&amp;current=869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" /></a></div>Estherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16205040884913365466noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6057245090576801598.post-50558717836497478452013-03-15T02:15:00.000-07:002013-03-15T02:16:26.505-07:00Yesterday, I cried.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><i>Warning: if you are currently having a rough time with PPMD, you may want to avoid this post. It contains potential triggers.</i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Yesterday, I cried. It wasn't a messy cry. It was a quiet, gentle, soft cry, with small tears and no snotty nose. But it was still a cry.</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Why did I cry?</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">I cried because <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2013/03/15/nyregion/son-survives-cynthia-wachenheims-suicide-jump-in-harlem.html?pagewanted=all&amp;_r=0" target="_blank">Cynthia Wachenheim killed herself.</a></span><br /><br />The story I linked above, from the New York Times, reads:<br /><br /><div class="columnGroup first" style="background-color: white; clear: both; color: #333333; font-family: georgia, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 10px; line-height: 15px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-left: 10px; margin-right: 7px; width: auto !important;"><div class="articleBody" style="margin-bottom: 1.7em; margin-top: 1.5em;"><nyt_text><i></i></nyt_text><br /><blockquote class="tr_bq"><i><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></i></blockquote><i><div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.467em;">Sometime before 3:25 p.m. Wednesday, Cynthia Wachenheim, a lawyer who was on child-care leave from her job, wrote out a note. On lined notebook paper, it ran for 13 pages.</div></i></div><div class="articleBody" style="margin-bottom: 1.7em; margin-top: 1.5em;"><div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.467em; margin-bottom: 1em;"><i>According to a law enforcement official who has seen the note, she wrote that her infant son, Keston Bacharach, had previously taken a few tumbles, including “two shameful incidents,” a fall from a Gymini play set onto the wood floor when she walked out of the room for five minutes, and off a bed. She blamed herself, and was convinced that those falls had led to a series of concussions and seizures that aggravated or contributed to maladies that would harm him for the rest of his life.</i></div><div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.467em; margin-bottom: 1em;"><i>Her friends, family members and pediatrician did not believe her, she wrote. But she noticed changes in the baby — changes that only a mother who spends all day with her child would notice. For instance, she wrote, her son had grown sleepier and cried more frequently.</i></div><div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.467em; margin-bottom: 1em;"><i>She wrote that she could not bear the thought that he might suffer because she had failed to protect him. She wrote that what she was about to do was “evil.”&nbsp;</i></div><div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.467em; margin-bottom: 1em;"><i>She then jumped out of her eighth-floor window. She left behind the note. She did not leave behind her son, strapping him to her body in a Ergobaby carrier, bringing him down with her as she crashed to the ground, the crack sounding like a gunshot to people passing by.</i></div><div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.467em; margin-bottom: 1em;"><i>Ms. Wachenheim, 44, died. But her 10-month-old son, apparently cushioned by her body, survived. He bounced out of the carrier and suffered only a bruised cheek.</i></div><div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.467em; margin-bottom: 1em;"><i>“I’m sure you understand, I’m absolutely overwhelmed with grief,” her husband, Hal Bacharach, said in a brief telephone conversation Thursday from his apartment at the Sutton, a new sleek building at 147th Street and Bradhurst Avenue in Harlem, where he had lived with his wife.</i></div><div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.467em; margin-bottom: 1em;"><i>“I have my son, who was lucky enough to survive, in my lap,” Mr. Bacharach said, sounding in shock as he repeated similar words several times. “It’s unbelievable. Right now my crying son is in my arms.” A child could be heard whimpering as he spoke.</i></div><div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.467em; margin-bottom: 1em;"><i>Ms. Wachenheim’s leap was a jarring twist in the life of a highly educated, socially conscious woman who had been active in a women’s group in her synagogue, B’nai Jeshurun on the Upper West Side, and, according to her college class notes, had been a coordinator for a Harlem tutoring program.</i></div><div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.467em; margin-bottom: 1em;"><i>She was on leave from her $122,800-a-year job as an associate court attorney in the Manhattan State Supreme Court system, court officials said. She had worked for the courts since 1997, doing legal research and helping judges write opinions.</i></div><div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.467em; margin-bottom: 1em;"><i>Christian Johnson, a lawyer who lives a few doors down, said he had seen Ms. Wachenheim twice last week. There was no indication “that anything was askew in their household,” he said. “I was shocked.”</i></div><div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.467em; margin-bottom: 1em;"><i>The baby seemed normal, he said. Mr. Johnson would sometimes ride the train with Mr. Bacharach, who never said anything about developmental issues. “Hal never mentioned that to me,” Mr. Johnson said.</i></div><div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.467em; margin-bottom: 1em;"><i>But Mr. Bacharach’s mother, Barbara Bacharach, said that her daughter-in-law had not been her usual self lately.</i></div><div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.467em; margin-bottom: 1em;"><i>Mr. Johnson said he had overheard the couple arguing — which he said was very unlike them — about two hours before Ms. Wachenheim jumped. He paused in the hallway to make sure it was nothing serious, then moved on when it seemed like a normal marital spat. “He was just asking her why she didn’t answer the phone and why wouldn’t she pick up the phone,” he said. “He just kept asking her and she wouldn’t respond.”</i></div><div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.467em; margin-bottom: 1em;"><i>Several times in her note, according to the law enforcement official, Ms. Wachenheim expressed deep love for her son, referring to him as “beautiful.”</i></div><div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.467em; margin-bottom: 1em;"><i>She said that she would give her life to bring his health back and that she hated herself for the first time in her life. She believed that her son’s falls might have brought about a serious medical condition, perhaps cerebral palsy or autism, which would have “lifelong consequences.”</i></div><div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.467em; margin-bottom: 1em;"><i>Her belief that she failed to prevent it caused her to “crumble.” She wrote that she was depressed and could no longer socialize. She was sure that people would see her behavior as postpartum depression or psychosis.</i></div><div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.467em; margin-bottom: 1em;"><i><a href="http://drcatherinebirndorf.com/" style="color: #666699;">Dr. Catherine Birndorf</a>, a reproductive psychiatrist at Weill Cornell Medical College, said the word “evil” in the note stood out for her. “Usually these intensely lethal acts happen in the context of losing some kind of touch with reality,” she said. “What mother in their right mind would kill their kid?”</i></div><div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.467em; margin-bottom: 1em;"><i>Postpartum depression does not usually lead to suicide and homicide, she said, unless it is left untreated or progresses to more serious mental illness, like psychosis. She compared it to the case of&nbsp;<a href="http://nyti.ms/WKCGYF" style="color: #666699;">Andrea Yates</a>, the Texas woman who was found not guilty by reason of insanity of drowning her five children in the bathtub. Ms. Yates, who had been struggling with postpartum psychosis, thought that she was a bad mother and that she was protecting her children by killing them, Dr. Birndorf said.</i></div><div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.467em; margin-bottom: 1em;"><i>About 10 to 20 percent of new mothers have postpartum depression,&nbsp;<a href="http://www.health.ny.gov/community/pregnancy/health_care/perinatal/maternal_factsheet.htm" style="color: #666699;">according to the state health department</a>, and only 1 or 2 out of 1,000 new mothers have postpartum psychosis. Postpartum psychosis is characterized by delusions, often about the baby, agitation, anger, paranoia, and sometimes commands to harm the infant. It has a 5 percent suicide rate and a 4 percent infanticide rate, according to the health department.</i></div><div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.467em; margin-bottom: 1em;"><i>Ms. Wachenheim was valedictorian at Colonie Central High School, near Albany, and graduated from what is now known as the University at Buffalo, and from Columbia University Law School. In 1993, she traveled to Pakistan to work in a law office specializing in women’s rights and worked on subjects like “honor killings” of women suspected of adultery, according to an article at the time in The Times Union of Albany.</i></div><div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.467em; margin-bottom: 1em;"><i>Mr. Bacharach said he met his wife on a bus to Boston and was smitten by her “innate kindness.” They were&nbsp;married in 2009, two years after she bought her apartment at the Sutton for $190,750, according to city records.</i></div><div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.467em; margin-bottom: 1em;"><i>It is across the street from Jackie Robinson Park, where neighbors said Ms. Wachenheim took her newborn to the outdoor pool in the summer.</i></div><div style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.467em; margin-bottom: 1em;"><i><nyt_author_id></nyt_author_id></i></div><div class="authorIdentification" style="margin-bottom: 2.8em;"><div style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.467em;"><i>Randy Leonard and Sheelagh McNeill contributed reporting.</i></div></div><i><nyt_correction_bottom></nyt_correction_bottom></i><br /><div class="articleCorrection" style="margin-bottom: 2.8em;"></div><i><nyt_update_bottom></nyt_update_bottom></i></div></div><div class="columnGroup " style="background-color: white; clear: both; color: #333333; font-family: georgia, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 10px; line-height: 15px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-left: 10px; margin-right: 7px; width: auto !important;"><div class="articleFooter" style="margin-bottom: 16px;"><div class="articleMeta"><div class="opposingFloatControl wrap"><div class="element1" style="float: left;"><h6 class="metaFootnote" style="color: #aaaaaa; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 1.1em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.273em; margin: 0px;"><i>A version of this article appeared in print on March 15, 2013, on page&nbsp;<span itemprop="printSection">A</span><span itemprop="printPage">19</span>&nbsp;of the&nbsp;<span itemprop="printEdition">New York edition</span>&nbsp;with the headline: Mother Knew Her Final Act Was Evil One.</i></h6></div></div></div></div></div><br /><br /><div style="background-color: white;"></div><div style="background-color: white;"></div><br /><br />I When I read this, I cried for Cynthia. In fact, I'm crying right now while I write this. I don't know that I know the exact pain she was struggling with, but I know the type of pain that leads you to think that maybe the best solution is to kill yourself. I know the kind of pain that makes you feel hopeless and like you're just hurting everyone around you. I know the pain that says "Everyone would be better off if I was gone". I know the pain of "What if I hurt my baby?".<br /><br />I think it's important to note that this article does not say definitively whether or not Cynthia had a diagnosis of any type of Postpartum Mood and Anxiety Disorders, but the article does list several things that can be symptomatic of PPMD, and there's the fact that the article lists her son as being 10 months old (PPMD can rear their ugly heads at any time in the first 12 months after giving birth, and does not necessarily go away just because a mother and baby hit the baby's first birthday). I feel that it's important to note that I am not diagnosing Cynthia with anything. I'm not an M.D., R.N., C.N.M., or any other type of medical/mental health professional, and I don't know nearly enough about Cynthia and her history/situation to make that call.<br /><br />Regardless of whether or not Cynthia was suffering from a PPMD, she was obviously hurting and struggling with a great burden. I've never met Cynthia but I know that she was so upset and hurting so much in some way that she decided the best thing for her and her baby was for both of them to die, that that was the best way to protect them. I can't say that I can't imagine what she was going through, but I think I can, just a little bit.<br /><br />Cynthia is the reason why I blog. Her baby, who could have died with her but didn't, is why I blog. Her husband and the rest of her family and friends are why I blog. They are why I cry now. The world is such a cold hard place and for some people that is more true than it is for others. And when I hear about stories like this, it makes my heart hurt. I wish I could go to New York a few days ago and hug Cynthia. I wish I could tell her "It's okay, Cynthia. You're not a bad mom. You need help, let's go talk to a professional. I'll go with you and hold your hand so you're not alone. But you don't have to do this.". I wish I could save her, save all the people she leaves behind. But I can't. All the wishes in the world won't change that. All I can do is hope that she is at peace now and pray for those she leaves behind.<br /><br />I can't save Cynthia, and as much as I want to, I don't have the technology to be able to go back in time to tell her those things. But I can tell you. And so, I am.<br /><br />If you are out there reading this and you are hurting, let me help you. If you feel hopeless, please know that there is hope. There is always hope, even when you can't see it. If you feel like you can't go on, you can, and I will go with you. I HAVE BEEN THERE. I was hospitalized twice after my first daughter was born for that very reason. I have survived Postpartum Depression, Postpartum Anxiety, and Postpartum Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Cynthia's story is how mine could all too easily have ended if I hadn't gotten help.<br /><br />You do not have to go through PPMD alone. Let me walk with you. You are not alone and you are not a bad anything. You are the most beautiful and fantastic you that could ever exist.<br /><br />If you need help, let me help you.<br /><br />Please.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://s220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/?action=view&amp;current=869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" /></a></span></div>Estherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16205040884913365466noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6057245090576801598.post-23087062198425015552013-03-11T06:00:00.000-07:002013-03-11T06:00:10.476-07:00Just keep swimming, just keep swimming<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Ever feel like you're drowning (metaphorically speaking) and you're not sure where the life preserver is that you know is out there somewhere, nor are you sure you want to take it? Yeah, that's me lately. School has been an absolute BEAST to adjust to (which is probably related to that whole "taking 17 credits in school thanks to the academic adviser from hell who set me up for failure" thing). And of course, having 3 small children and a husband at home, all of whom are also having to adjust to the total change in lifestyle and schedule for all of us, well, that adds a little extra dimension or ten to matters.<br /><br />Lately, I think to myself "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming" (you know, from Finding Nemo), and then I think "I don't want to keep swimming. I'm tired of swimming.", and then of course I beat myself up for my defeatist attitude, and then I beat myself up for beating myself up, and then I scold myself for being so dramatic, and eventually I finish my homework, go to bed, and then go through the whole routine again the next day.<br /><br />I decided to drop my Anatomy classes (I was taking Anatomy Lecture and Lab) which takes me down to 13 units. It's still pretty intense but it's more manageable. I didn't want to drop a class but it was way too much and I wasn't doing well at all in Anatomy (and by not doing well, I mean I'd be lucky to have passed the course at the end of the semester).<br /><br />Hopefully, dropping Anatomy will be the life preserver I needed and I can get back on top of things.<br /><br />And yes, I am being totally metaphorical and am in no way a danger to myself or anyone else.<br /><br /><a href="http://s220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/?action=view&amp;current=869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" /></a></div>Estherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16205040884913365466noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6057245090576801598.post-12616823969848778092013-03-08T14:11:00.000-08:002013-03-08T14:11:30.861-08:00Dear Senator Feinstein,<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />I just sent this off to Sen. Feinstein. Feel free to copy and/or circulate it as you see fit. PLEASE, please please please contact Sen. Feinstein about her ignorant, incorrect, and insulting remarks about PTSD and veterans. I"m not even asking her to stop supporting gun control, I just want her to correct her remarks about PTSD and apologize.<br />(Not sure what I'm so upset about? Check out <a href="http://journeythroughppd.blogspot.com/2013/03/sen-feinsteins-insulting-lies-about.html" target="_blank">my blog post from earlier today</a>)<br /><br /><br /><blockquote><i>Dear Senator Feinstein,<br />I'd like to begin by explaining the background I come from. I am a U.S. Army veteran. I am also a survivor of Postpartum Depression, Postpartum Anxiety, and Postpartum Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, and I am an advocate and blogger for women struggling with Postpartum Mood and Anxiety Disorders. My husband is currently on Active Duty in the U.S. Army and is a combat veteran of multiple deployments in the Middle East. One of my grandfathers served in the U.S. Navy and one of my grandmothers and my other grandfather served in the U.S. Air Force. My brother is a veteran and combat veteran of the U.S. Army. My mother-in-law and father-in-law were both in the U.S. Navy. I have a sister-in-law and brother-in-law who serve in the U.S. Coast Guard. I have multiple other extended family members and close friends who have served or are serving in various branches of the U.S. Military.<br />I am writing to you today regarding your comments during the March 7, 2013 Judiciary Committee Hearing on S.150 The Assault Weapons Ban. Yesterday, you stated on record that "with the advent of PTSD, which I think is a new phenomenon as a product of the Iraq War, it's not clear how the seller transfer of a firearm covered by this bill would verify that the individual was a member or veteran and that there was no impairment of that individual with respect to having a weapon like this... I think if you're going to do this you have to find a way that veterans who are incapacitated for one reason or another mentally don't have access to this kind of weapon".<br />There are several problems with your comments. I'd like to address several of these problems in no particular order of importance.<br />1. PTSD is not a new phenomenon, nor is it a product of the Iraq War. Even if the only PTSD cases you want to consider are those of military personnel, service-members in conflicts preceding the war in Iraq were already suffering. World War 1, World War 2, Vietnam, the Korean War, and the first Persian Gulf War, just to name a few. My own grandfather was a POW in North &nbsp;Korea during the Korean War and he came back with PTSD as a result of the atrocities he endured while he was a prisoner. Your statement that PTSD is a new phenomenon following the Iraq war is insulting to all these other veterans and passes them off as unimportant, saying that they don't count and don't matter, it wasn't really a problem before Iraq. It was.<br />2. PTSD is not specific to the military or to combat veterans. PTSD affects people who have never served a day in the military. PTSD stands for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and I think everyone can agree that Traumatic situations can and do affect anyone, no matter what their situation is. Postpartum PTSD affects as many as 7-16% of new moms and that has nothing to do with the military, combat, or Iraq. Rape victims, victims of tragedies such as Hurricane Katrina, survivors of 9/11, and so so many other people facing a myriad of countless types of situations face PTSD, and your comments insult them and say that if you're not a veteran during/since Iraq, you don't matter.<br />3. There is already too much stigma surrounding mental health. It's incredibly difficult to reach out and say "I need help" when people think and say things that either insinuate or flat out say that people with mental health issues are all violent monsters waiting for the right time to flip out and go on a murderous rampage. Comments such as yours only add to that stigma and further perpetuate the myths that I and my fellow mental health advocates are working so hard to disperse.<br />This is especially ironic considering that you claim to be <a href="http://www.feinstein.senate.gov/public/index.cfm/veterans" target="_blank">highly involved with and supportive of veterans</a>, working for better help and research for veterans with PTSD and TBI.<br />I urge you to publicly retract and apologize for your statement that I quoted at the beginning of my email. You have done great harm to veterans and to the entire mental health community; please take this opportunity to do the right thing by publicly admitting that you misspoke and apologizing for your insulting and factually incorrect remarks. As an elected official. you represent the people of the United States and you work for us; it is your duty and responsibility to correct these statements you have made that have the potential to so greatly misinform people as to the nature of mental health in general and PTSD specifically. Please do the right thing.<br />Sincerely,<br />Esther Dale</i></blockquote><br /><a href="http://s220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/?action=view&amp;current=869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" /></a></div>Estherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16205040884913365466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6057245090576801598.post-57816927581320285142013-03-08T11:19:00.003-08:002013-03-08T11:28:19.473-08:00Sen. Feinstein's insulting lies about veterans and PTSD<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) has managed to stick her foot in her mouth in a very big and particularly insulting way. During <a href="http://www.c-span.org/Events/Senate-Judiciary-Cmte-Debates-39Assault-Weapons-Ban39/10737438612/" target="_blank">yesterday's Senate Judiciary Committee hearing</a> on <a href="http://thomas.loc.gov/cgi-bin/bdquery/D?d113:4:./temp/~bdggQT::|/home/LegislativeData.php|" target="_blank">Senate Bill S.150 (The Assault Weapons Ban of 2013</a> [1], Sen. Feinstein made the following comments:<br /><br /><blockquote class="tr_bq"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 13.600000381469727px;"><i>"with the advent of PTSD, which I think is a new phenomenon as a product of the Iraq War, it's not clear how the seller transfer of a firearm covered by this bill would verify that the individual was a member or veteran and that there was no impairment of that individual with respect to having a weapon like this... I think if you're going to do this you have to find a way that veterans who are incapacitated for one reason or another mentally don't have access to this kind of weapon." -Sen. Dianne Feinstein"</i></span></span></blockquote><br />You can hear her words at this link:&nbsp;<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjR-UaLl5PM">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjR-UaLl5PM</a><br /><br />Since this is not a political blog, I won't get into my feelings about gun control, and I ask my commenters not to. What I want to talk about here is Sen. Feinstein's inaccurate and insulting comments about PTSD and mental illness.<br /><br />Every time a tragedy happens and someone says "Oh, she must have Postpartum Depression" or "Oh, he must have PTSD", I object, and I say that I think that mindset further stigmatizes mental illness, as well as causing people to buy in to the idea that if you have PPD or PTSD or any other mental health issue, you're a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off in a blaze of tragedy and homicide. I get so many arguments about it that I've written blog posts to further explain my point of view (these posts can be found <a href="http://journeythroughppd.blogspot.com/2012/08/sometimes-people-just-do-bad-things.html" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="http://journeythroughppd.blogspot.com/2012/03/oh-she-must-have-ptsdppdetc-right.html" target="_blank">here</a>). Today, I believe that Sen. Feinstein has just proven my point for me.<br /><br />I have several very big problems with Sen. Feinstein's remarks. One problem is that what she said is so incredibly insulting to veterans, whether they have PTSD or not. To assume that all veterans are just waiting for the right nudge to go murder someone is the exact opposite of the supportive attitude we should have towards those who volunteer to serve our country and, for many of them, end up in combat as a result.<br /><br />On top of that, there's the fact that she has just assumed that PTSD means that you're a violent person. Sen. Feinstein's remarks are indicative of the problematic attitudes and stigmas towards mental health that make it so hard for people to speak up and say "Hey, I need help.". I mean really, who wants to seek help if it's just going to make people treat them like monsters, or mean that they get things taken away from them?<br /><br />That doesn't even touch on the fact that her comments are factually inaccurate. PTSD is not a new phenomenon. Veterans of the Iraq War were not the first servicemembers to come home with PTSD. ALL wars have left servicemembers struggling to make sense of their experiences and left them with PTSD. I'd love to see Sen. Feinstein go tell the veterans of World War 2, Vietnam, Korea, the first Persian Gulf War, and every other conflict our country has been involved in that PTSD wasn't a problem for them. Please Sen. Feinstein, go ahead. Say that to their faces. I'll go along and hold the camera to record the reactions you get.<br /><br />The other issue is that PTSD is not specific to the military or to combat. PTSD stands for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I will agree that a large amount of the awareness that the American public has towards PTSD now is due to the servicemembers who have come home with PTSD, but people who have never served a day in the military end up with it too. Rape victims, people whose houses burned down, people who survived 9-11, first responders who help at scenes of accidents, crimes, etc., survivors of Hurricane Katrina, people who lose a loved one unexpectedly, <a href="http://www.postpartumprogress.com/postpartum-ptsd-is-as-common-as-postpartum-depression" target="_blank">women who have a traumatic childbirth</a>&nbsp;(Postpartum PTSD is a real thing), and so many other scenarios. Any traumatic situation can cause PTSD.<br /><br />I worry that Sen. Feinstein's remarks may have done irreparable damage not only to the men and women who struggle with PTSD (or any other mental health issue) but to the very cause of fighting for awareness, education, and the destigmatization of mental illness.<br /><br />I will be calling, tweeting, and emailing Sen. Feinstein to ask her to please apologize for her troubling and factually incorrect comments about PTSD and mental illness. Will you join me in contacting her? Here's her contact information.<br /><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;">Senator Dianne Feinstein</span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 20px;">United States Senate</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 20px;">331 Hart Senate Office Building</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 20px;">Washington, D.C. 20510</span><br /><div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; line-height: 20px; margin-bottom: 1.33em; margin-top: 1.33em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Phone: (202) 224-3841<br />Fax: (202) 228-3954<br />TTY/TDD: (202) 224-2501</span></div><div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.33em; margin-top: 1.33em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; unicode-bidi: embed;">Sen. Feinstein's website: http://www.feinstein.senate.gov/public/index.cfm/contact<br /><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 20px;">To email Sen. Feinstein:&nbsp;https://www.feinstein.senate.gov/public/index.cfm/e-mail-me</span><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 20px;">Twitter: https://twitter.com/senfeinstein</span></div><br />Let's speak up and let Capitol Hill know that we won't stand for this type of blatant lying and misrepresentation. Let's speak up for the veterans who volunteer to serve our country, as well as for people suffering from all manner of mental health issues.<br /><br />[1] Title of S.150 crafted by the bill's author, Senator Feinstein.<br /><br /><a href="http://s220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/?action=view&amp;current=869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" target="_blank"><span style="color: black;"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" /></span></a></div>Estherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16205040884913365466noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6057245090576801598.post-10112641512700182762013-02-27T05:00:00.000-08:002013-02-27T05:00:13.424-08:00Just joking!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Have you ever seen or heard someone say something along the lines of "I'm going to kill myself, this sucks so bad. Ha ha, just joking!"? I know I have, and it bothers me. Before anyone says "you're being too sensitive" or "lighten up, (s)he is just spouting off.", let me explain why this issue bugs me.</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Suicide is no light matter. It's not something to laugh or joke about. It's not funny or humorous.&nbsp;</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">People kill themselves every single day, for a variety of reasons. It's serious. Just how serious is it? Let's take a look at some numbers.</span><br /><br /><br /><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>According to <a href="http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/suicide-in-the-us-statistics-and-prevention/index.shtml" target="_blank">a link from the NIMH</a>&nbsp;(National Institute of Mental Health), "In 2007, it was the tenth leading cause of death in the U.S., accounting for 34,598 deaths. The overall rate was 11.3 suicides per 100,000 people. An estimated 11 attempted suicides occur per every suicide death.". So, in 2007, not only did 34,598 people successfully take their own lives, but doing the math, it's estimated that 380,578 people attempted suicide. *Maybe* some of those 380,578 people now consider it a joking matter, but I find it hard to believe that those 34,598 peoples loved ones consider it something to joke about.</li><li>The previous NIMH link was statistics from 2007. According to <a href="http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/suicide.htm" target="_blank">this link from the CDC</a> (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention), the number of suicide deaths in 2010 was 38,364, with suicide still sitting at the #10 spot for causes of death.&nbsp;</li><li>There aren't any good statistics for suicide related deaths among women with PPD because PPD isn't tracked nearly as closely as it should be in the US. <a href="http://www.cdc.gov/reproductivehealth/depression/" target="_blank">The CDC estimates</a> that am average of 8% of moms end up with PPD, and some of those women are killing themselves. <a href="http://www.postpartumprogress.com/postpartum-depression-key-facts-statistics" target="_blank">Katherine Stone of Postpartum Progress estimates</a> that the number may be more likely to be an average of 20% of women ending up with PPD each year</li><li>According to <a href="http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2013/01/14/169364733/u-s-militarys-suicide-rate-surpassed-combat-deaths-in-2012" target="_blank">this article from the NPR</a>, the number of suicide deaths in the U.S. military in 2012 was 349 (a new record for the military), higher than the number of deaths among Americans who died in combat in Afghanistan in 2012.</li></ul><br /><br />The reasons why people kill themselves (or attempt to kill themselves) are varied. Mental illness, terminal illness, difficult situations that leave them feeling helpless and hopeless, and so many more. I've never killed myself (yes, you may call me Captain Obvious) but I was hospitalized twice with suicidal ideations and intrusive thoughts after my first baby was born. There was absolutely nothing funny about it then and I still (almost 4 years later) don't find any humor in people "just joking" about wanting to kill themselves. It's not a laughing matter that people are in that much pain (mental/emotional or physical). It's not a laughing matter that their family and friends have to deal with the pain and anguish of losing a loved one to suicide. There's nothing to laugh about. It's not a lighthearted subject.<br /><br />Not only is it a serious and painful matter for those who (in whatever capacity) are dealing with suicidal ideations, attempts, or successes, making "jokes" about suicide contributes to the stigma around not only suicide but mental health and seeking help for mental illnesses. When people joke about suicide, it's hard for the people around them to ask for help (who wants to risk being laughed at, dismissed, and possibly be made the butt of a "joke"?). When people joke about suicide, it can be hard to recognize when they're no longer joking (ever heard the story of the boy who cried wolf?). When people joke about suicide, it contributes to the stigma surrounding not just suicide but mental illness in general.<br /><br />The statistics I included in this post are specific to the United States of America, but the sentiment of "Suicide is not something to joke about" is most certainly not. I personally have friends around the world who have suffered/are currently fighting mental health issues. Except for the statistics, everything I've said here applies to you no matter where you live, no matter where you're from. The fact that suicide is not something to make light of &nbsp;doesn't change based on location. Please, take it seriously. If you see or hear someone "just joking" about killing themselves, take it seriously. You could save lives.<br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://s220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/?action=view&amp;current=869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" /></a></span></div>Estherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16205040884913365466noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6057245090576801598.post-63554851886289826832013-02-19T15:38:00.003-08:002013-02-19T15:38:21.262-08:00Happy Valentine's Day.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CN5oE9DyPQQ/USQH36byJNI/AAAAAAAAAgM/KJnGDLkZLIc/s1600/rosebud1d.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CN5oE9DyPQQ/USQH36byJNI/AAAAAAAAAgM/KJnGDLkZLIc/s320/rosebud1d.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Happy Valentines Day to all my lovely readers. I know I'm a little late (I'm just stretching the love out. Yeah, that's it.) but I had a few minutes and just HAD to post my valentine to all of you. I made it myself (even took the picture myself, and wrote the rhyme myself, with all of you in mind).<br /><br />Valentine's Day can be a difficult holiday for many people for many reasons, and those of us suffering from PPMD are no exception. When you're already beating yourself up for all the faults you find with yourself (and if you're like me, you're really good at doing that) and struggling to make it through each day, it's hard to remember to love yourself, but love yourself you should, and I'm going to tell you exactly why you should do that. And trust me. I'm right. I'm always right (don't ask my husband, just take my word for it). I'm especially right right now about the fact that YOU ARE INCREDIBLE!<br /><br />You are a wonderful human being and a wonderful mother. PPD or whatever PPMD you're battling doesn't change that one bit, so don;t let your tricky brain convince you otherwise. You are fantastic, fabulous, lovable, loved, and lovely, even when you don't feel like it. Love yourself, even when you don't think you deserve it. And if you're having trouble loving yourself, let me love you. When you're having trouble seeing why you should love yourself, or believing that anyone else could love you, come back to this post. In fact, bookmark it so you can find it again easily, for those times when you need to be reminded of how absolutely AWESOME you are.<br /><br />In fact, awesome isn't even a scratch in the surface of how incredible you are.<br /><br />You put the rock in Rock 'n Roll.<br /><br />You are a wonderful you. You are a far better you than anyone else could be.<br /><br />Let today and every day be Valentine's Day. Love yourself every day.<br /><br />Remember that I and many others out there love you now and forever.<br /><br />You make my life richer. You make the lives of many others richer. The world is a far better place for you being in it.<br /><br />Happy Valentine's Day. <3 p=""><a href="http://s220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/?action=view&amp;current=869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd177/sand_bass/869E10E020269B4338E834556812F8AB.png" /></a></3></div>Estherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16205040884913365466noreply@blogger.com1