There are several resident red-tailed hawks in my neighborhood. They’ve shown themselves to me many times over the last few weeks as I walk or drive about. One is beautifully large, with a cream spotted breast and giant wingspan. The other is smaller, younger I’m sure. I imagine that they are mother and daughter…..the older, wiser one guiding the way for the younger. The medicine, or power, of the hawk is to be a messenger; encouraging us to pay attention and take note of the gentle nudgings, promptings, signs, and synchronicities all around us. Sometimes we go through life on auto pilot and miss these important exchanges even when they are right in front of our noses. Hawk reminds us to listen intently to the voice of wisdom within us, our intuition, our soul’s voice. Some say we speak to God through prayer and God speaks back through our intuition. I believe this. Today I will be like the hawk and stay alert for the communications from Spirit. Today I will listen to the voice within and heed the messages.

Coming out of deep grief. Coming out of deep anger, or pain or suffering of any kind. Coming out of deep doo doo of our own making. Feeling as if one can finally take a full breath again. Realizing how long one has been breathing shallowly. Allowing the whoosh of air to go all the way in and come back out with an audible Ahhhhhh. Decompressing. Elements within coming back into alignment. Perhaps how it must feel to the bear as it comes out of hibernation from a deep winter’s sleep. Taking that first intense breath of clean, sweet spring air. Sometimes we are asleep for days, months, even years. What if coming out is actually diving in? Diving into the treasure that lies at the center of our hearts. If we allow the descent, we find the pearl. The pearl at great price, borrowed from the parables of Jesus, and later used by Carl Jung to represent the archetypal journey to wholeness. Today I will recognize that coming out is actually diving in. Today I will seek the pearl. The one that has my name on it.

Sometimes we have to let go. Let go of the past and all of the story around it. Let go of people and the stories they choose to believe, over which we have no power. Surrender and live forward. Falling into Grace. Doing the best we know how to do. Letting life live through us in its own way and own time. Seeing what we see and standing it by not looking away. And letting that be enough. Today I am grateful for who I am and who I am becoming. And it is enough. I am enough.

Picking up the tattered tome and holding it in my hands is a coming home in and of itself. So much of who I am contained in the dog-eared pages, the underlinings and the notes in the margins. A long time ago I’d decided to date my underlinings and now, years later, the patterns and cycles of my life are laid bare in the sentences that spoke to my soul during this reading or that.

In 1995 when I first read the book Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes I had no idea how it would inspire and shape my life. How the old folk tales and stories, the archetypes and the metaphors would become so dear to me that I would come to rely upon them with a passion unmatched before or since. The teachings and wisdom contained in the book would become my personal bible and my compass; not only granting direction in how to live my life, but how to face my life as well. Little did I know when I picked up that heavy black book with the gold embossed picture of a woman with a wolf, I was venturing into the hitherto unknown forest of my soul, and would never again be the same.

In all of my life, the things that have mattered most have come to me with grace and synchronicity. Women Who Run With the Wolves was no exception. In 1993, on the tail end of a bad marriage, I happened to catch a few remaining moments of an interview on Good Morning America with Clarissa Pinkola Estes discussing her book. Estes’ says that when women hear the words wild and woman it causes them to remember who they are and what they are about. When women hear those words, an old memory is stirred and brought back to life. The memory of our absolute, undeniable, and irrevocable kinship with the wild feminine, which causes us to remember, at least for an instant, what substance we are really made from, and where is our true home. It was certainly so with me. And althought I didn’t hear much of that interview beyond the title of the book, it did indeed foster a deep longing—the yearning had begun. Several months later that longing led me to a very special woman, a passing stranger, who would introduce me to the power of Estes’ book and the treasure that could be gained from carefully contemplating the wisdom it held. This study, undertaken back then and continued today, has forged a relationship between me and the material that unceasingly funds my work, my identity and my soul.

The wild woman archetype speaks to the essence of a woman. The word wild say’s Estes is not used in its modern pejorative sense, meaning out of control, but in its original sense, which means to live a natural life. Not wild as in crazy, but wild as in natural and free. The book, a poignant and soulful look at women’s psychology, as viewed through the lens of a master storyteller, Jungian analyst, and cantadora healer contains the numen, the mystery and divineness of women’s native feminine power and birthright. The wild nature has vast integrity in it say’s Estes’. It means to establish territory, to find one’s pack, to be in one’s body with certainty and pride regardless of the body’s gifts and imitations, to speak and act in one’s own behalf, to be aware, alert, to draw on the innate feminine powers of intuition and sensing, to come into one’s cycles, to find what one belongs to, to rise with dignity, to retain as much consciousness as we can. Amen or Awomyn I should probably say.

I was very fortunate in 1996 to have the opportunity to attend a teaching with Estes’ in Colorado. Watching her perform The Handless Maiden was like sitting on the lap of Santa Claus as a child, or being in the presence of some equally magical figure. As she embodied the elements of the story, the elements of the story became metaphors for my life. And this is the astonishing beauty and power of Women Who Run With the Wolves. How seemingly simple stories can become roadmaps for one’s own life. And having found a roadmap, one can now find one’s way through the twists and turns of life. It is good to have a map so one can know not only where one has come from, but where one is going and how far one has to go.

In 1997 I led my first Women Who Run With the Wolves study group. Seven brave women ventured into land of La Loba, Bluebeard, and Vasalisa. Recently another courageous group of women has journeyed with me into the wildness. For eighteen years now we’ve discovered we could sing ourselves back into being, reclaim what we’ve lost, find our skin again, and listen to the doll in our pocket. We’ve come to recognize our over domestication, our captured status, and our injured instincts. We’ve learned how the traps are laid, how important our handmade lives are, and that some beards really are blue. Most importantly we’ve found eyes in the back of our heads and the ability to see what we see and stand it.

We’ve tasted the wild feminine and vowed to never lose her again, but we have, over and over again, only to reclaim her again, and again, and again; each time becoming stronger in the broken places. Tempered by the fires of life and fate we’ve found a way to live the wildness every day and make it matter to us. Estes’ says if we could only remember that the work is to remember to do the work. And I couldn’t agree more.

In 2000 I gave birth to Wise Woman Retreats, an organized way to lend my natural gifts of leadership and inspired intuitive guidance towards the empowerment of women. I’ve continued now to lead women’s empowerment groups, retreats and workshops and facilitate study/discussion groups with Estes’ work as the north star. The unmoving, unwavering center that holds the tension for all our hopes, dreams, and visions, as well as our missteps and bad bargains.

Yes, wildness becomes me. It becomes me as I live softer and gentler, and fiercer at the same time. It becomes me as I live forwards and backwards and sideways, peering into all things, and being frightened by little. It becomes me as I cultivate my intuition and creativity and value their significance more with every passing day. It becomes me as I don’t turn away from the things I don’t want to see, but rather stand it; and in that standing, make choices and decisions that serve me and honor who I am, as well as who I am becoming. It becomes me as I let die what needs to die and give life to what needs more of it.

Yes, wildness does become me. Before attending an Estes’ teaching in ’96, Psychology In the Truest Sense, I was asked to answer this question from her to gain entry. “How well do you know yourself with certainty”? The answer I’d give now would not be the same as the one I gave back then, for I am not the woman I was back then, nor the woman I will become tomorrow. It is a question that begs to be revisited at various junctures of this path we call life. I invite you to ask yourself this question now. And if the answering of it causes bereftness or a longing within you, then there is a thick black book with a woman and a wolf embossed in gold on the front cover waiting for you.

And, if you are a man (or a woman who loves one) take heart, Robert Bly, poet and keeper of the wildman flame wrote Iron John: A Book About Men in similar spirit. Although, in my humble opinion, not nearly as fleshed out as Women Who Run With the Wolves, it is a place to begin for men to reclaim and strengthen the wildman aspect of themselves.

Thanks to all of you who have sent your condolences for the loss of Maggie. Some of you have shared your memories and heart-warming stories of Maggie’s influence in your lives and they have been so appreciated by me. Whether Maggie was comforting someone’s tears, dancing with delight in anticipation of a walk or dinner, or snoozing in the sunlight she was an inspiration.

Additionally many of you have shared personal stories regarding your furry friends and the place they hold in your hearts. Some stories have been of similar loss and others have recounted the ability animals have to move and inspire us. A few have shared their bittersweet knowing that the days with their favorite companion are also limited. We have such a short time with them, it seems unfair really. And, yet, most of us, myself included, will take whatever time is alloted us, and be grateful for what we get. They never complain so why should we?

So thank you again to all who have reached out with a precious, healing balm for my broken heart.

On October 16, 2008 at 3:32pm Maggie crossed over into her spirit home. She will be remembered by all of us as a Light that steadfastly and with great Love, shined on many of our darkest moments. She taught me not only how to be a better counselor, but how to be a better human being. As I’ve struggle to learn how to live in the NOW of myself, all I ever needed for a reminder was to look at Maggie. She, and all our furry friends, never live anywhere else except in the Precious Present, the Now of every moment. What a teacher she has been for me and many of you as well.

Although I “rescued” Maggie on a busy road in Buffalo Gap Texas 9 years ago, it was I who was truly saved that day, for she always gave far more than I could ever give back. Who could’ve known that a scared, lost yellow dog, covered in red clay dirt would become a beautiful, golden angel who would enter our hearts and leave us better for the experience. I’ve always known that I was the one truly blessed in this relationship and it has been a sacred honor to be her caretaker. I was her spirit mother and at the same time I was her grand-daughter, for Maggie was truly the Grandmother spirit we all long for and hope to experience; she was all loving, all accepting, all comforting, and all knowing. God smiled on me the day she entered my life and every day that followed. I am eternally grateful for all the days that I got to spend in her presence and would do it all again in a heartbeat. I will miss her more than words could ever express.

Will Rogers said “If there are no dogs in heaven, then I want to go where they are”. I’m with you all the way Will! What special creatures our pets are and how fortunate we are to share space and time with them. I know people who after experiencing the gut wrenching loss of an animal decide to never have one again because it just hurts to bad to lose them. Although I understand how hard the loss is I could not forego the joyful bounty of their company. For me the love and companionship far out-weigh the depth of despair that comes when we must say good-bye; and it is a despair as deep as an abyss and as wide as the horizon. So thank you Maggie for being there for me during some pretty tough times, for loving me through it all, and for brightening my days with your glowing aura. As we stood, for the last time, in the light of the moon a few nights ago and said some of our good-byes, you let me know that everything will be Ok; even this. I know you are right.

Maggie, I believe you are in the spirit land of heaven, and even the angels, having missed your special light while you were here with me, are glad you’ve come home. Tell them I said “thank you” for loaning you to me. Give my Daddy, Trevor, and Freda big kisses from me, as well as all my other loved ones in that special land. Yesterday I asked for your promise that you’d be there waiting for me when it’s my time to cross and I know you won’t let me down. So go chase squirrels and eat all the coconut cake you want my love. I will see you in the sweet by and by.

I’ve moved my blog to wordpress! Enjoy and visit often. In the coming days I’ll be adding posts about a variety of subjects near and dear to my heart including spiritual growth, higher consciousness, personal development, inspiration, alternative health, and psychology….. just to name a few.

“Breathwork is a powerful approach to self-exploration and healing that integrates insights from modern consciousness research, anthropology, various depth psychologies, transpersonal psychology, Eastern spiritual practices, and mystical traditions of the world.” The first time I experienced Breathwork I was hooked! At the time I was learning how to facilitate Breathwork I was also learning other modalities of healing. And although when it comes to healing I truly believe in a model of multiple modalities I can honestly say that I see more profound transformations occuring in Breathwork than I do other modalities alone. Breathwork coupled with more traditional counseling methods works on the cognitive and spiritual levels all at the same time……a wonderful marriage so to speak.

What is Breathwork? “The process itself uses very simple means: it combines deep, accelerated breathing with evocative music. With the eyes closed and lying on a mat, each person uses their breath and the music to enter into a non-ordinary state of consciousness. This state activates the natural inner healing process of the individual’s psyche, bringing him or her a particular set of internal experiences. With the inner healing intelligence guiding the process, the quality and content brought forth is unique to each person and for that particular time and place. While recurring themes are common, no two sessions are ever alike.”

Another word for Breathwork is Journying a term that implies going on an internal journey in search of that which is needed. I chose to call my form of Breathwork Path of the Heart Breathwork due to its similarity with a real vision quest wherein a person goes off alone somewhere in the wilderness in order to quiete the mind and be open to a vision of what is needed to heal certain aspects of the psyche. In Path Of the Heart Breathwork one takes the journey without ever having to face the elements.The deep meditative dreamlike state induced by breathwork then allows your own inner healer to go to work for you.

Some of my deepest personal healing has come via Breathwork sessions. Things I’d struggled with for years and applied all sorts of healings to including counseling, psychics, energy work, nutrition……you name it, began to heal with Breathwork. I have also heard this from others as well.

Many of you have probably already read or at least heard of the book by Elizabet Gilbert entitled Eat Pray Love. It’s been all over Oprah and although I don’t usually tend to follow the pack I must say that I found it an enlightening read. Gilbert’s prose is both sacred and profane, hilarious and sad, light-hearted and soulfully deep. I laughed out loud, I cried real tears, I prayed to any God that would listen; and most importantly perhaps, my being expanded from the experience. I was truly moved by how well she captured the complexity of who we are. Carl Jung said we must learn to hold the tension of the opposites…..we are indeed complex, dualistic creatures…..at once frail and then invincible, vulnerable and then fierce, sorrowful, hurting and then brimming with joy, funny one moment and dead serious the next……what a beautiful melange. My absolute favorite part is the translation from Italian into English of the, shall we say, off color remarks one very passionate Italian is making at a football (soccer)game. The Italian language sounds like lyrical poetry, but in English ….oh my…..well you get the picture. I just thought it was a fabulous piece of storytelling. In Italy she intends to eat and learn to speak Italian both of which she does in no small measure. She learns that good food is like the nectar of the god’s; and in Italy the eating of it is all a wonderful ritual of community, of slowing down and enjoying life, family, and friends. She learns the sweet Ahhhhh….of time spent consciously enjoying life and most importantly, learning to let recede that American obsession of got to get it done RIGHT NOW. It’s a wonderful read and I’d love to hear other’s perspectives as well.

This blog is intended for those who wish to discuss body-mind-spirit issues. No spam, no seriously off color language and no advertising. Any of the above will be banned from the site. Please feel free to share resources that apply to the topic at hand.