THINGS SHE SHOULD NEVER SAY TO HIM:• “I broke up with my last boyfriend because he watched too much sports on TV.”
• “I’m so bloated I feel like a water buffalo.”
• “You care more about your car than you do me.”
• “My best friend thinks your potency problem is really nothing to worry about.”
• ”THAT’S what you’ve been bragging about?”THINGS HE SHOULD NEVER SAY TO HER:• “I get tongue-tied around beautiful women, but I feel very comfortable talking to you.”
• “I can always tell when you’re getting PMS.”
• “Women really like me.” (Or “Women really don’t like me.”)
• “You remind me of my mother.”
• “Sweetheart, you gotta roll over, my arm feels like it’s going to fall off.”
(Source: “Glamour” magazine)

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:Ben Affleck tells “GQ’s” MAY issue he might be interested in pursuing politics because he’s attracted by “the speechmaking and the idea of leading” (not to mention the babes) . . . Contrary to recent rumors, Brit pop star Robbie Williams will NOT take over as the new ‘James Bond’ when Pierce Brosnan retires from the role — he’s not handsome enough or in good enough shape says the series’ casting director (ouch!) . . . Catherine Zeta Jones & Michael Douglas are getting a new neighbor – U2’s Bono has just plunked down $3.6 million for a 16th-floor apartment in the same exclusive building overlooking NYC’s Central Park after being ‘approved’ by the executive board . . . Mel Brooks’ just-opened stage version of his ‘68 movie “The Producers”, about schemers who try to make money by producing a sure-fire flop musical, is a sold-out hit on Broadway, already guaranteed a run through April 2002 . . . Vegas oddsmakers have now picked Colby as the 3-2 favorite to win “Survivor II: The Australian Outback”, followed by Tina at 2-1, however the odds are only hypothetical because Nevada law prohibits betting on events where the outcome is already known.

SUPPORT ADS:In order to show the ‘exact shape achieved’ by its latest full-figure bra, Britain’s Bioform company has launched a new poster ad campaign – in 3-D. (Or is that 38-D?)

THIS MAY EXPLAIN AXL ROSE:Scientists at Britain’s John Radcliffe Institute of Molecular Medicine have identified the so-called ‘ginger gene’, which causes red hair, fair skin and freckles. Their research shows that red hair dates back at least 50,000 years to Neanderthals. (Or at least 2 weeks to Clairol.)

BS AMAZING FACTS:• The word ‘coffee’ originates from the Arabic word ‘kaweh’, meaning ‘strength and vigor’. (Or perhaps the Turkish word ‘koway’, meaning ‘kickstart my butt’.)
• “Focus” magazine notes that the reason clocks go ‘clockwise’ is because the shadow on sundials moved that way.
• According to Nestlé, there are approximately 420 pieces of rice in every Nestlé Crunch Bar. (Now there’s a job I want.)
• There’s hope! There are 3 billion women who don’t look like supermodels and only 8 who do.
• Or maybe not! It’s estimated that in the last 3,500 years there have only been 230 years of peace throughout the civilized world.THE BULL SHEET 04.24.01

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .THIS WEEK is “Administrative Professionals Week” (formerly “Professional Secretaries Week”), highlighted by “Administrative Professionals Day” TOMORROW.
• According to a survey by the National Institute of Business Management, 10% of admin staff admit to having been romantically involved with the boss. Only 25% say it had any negative impact on their careers, and 12.5% — 1 in 8 — boss-assistant romances actually ends in marriage.
• According to an FTD poll, 55% of admin staff think their boss is a decent person, while 33% admit they secretly hate the boss. But watch out for the 3% who say they don’t hide their negative feelings.
• In a new International Association of Administrative Professionals (IAAP) poll, respondents say ‘educational events’ and ‘group recognition’ are the best ways to observe “AP Week”. (Would you wanna be the boss that tells the admins they’re being saluted — with a seminar?)
• A perhaps more realistic online poll finds the most wanted gifts for “AP Day” are a spa gift certificate, a day off, and a restaurant gift certificate for two.

TOMORROW is the 6th annual “International Noise Awareness Day”, observed in over 30 countries. It’s a good day to play ‘Name That Noise’, where contestants must identify a series of kitchen SFX.
PHONER: 519-826-5833 (Noise Watch-Guelph ON) NET: http://www3.sympatico.ca/noise

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS CANADIANA:
• Who’s the only Canadian Prime Minister to get married while in office? [Pierre Trudeau, when he wed Margaret Sinclair in 1971.]
• What Canadian beach is the world’s largest freshwater beach? [Wasaga Beach in Ontario, stretching about 14 km and attracting about 1.5 million visitors annually.]
• Where does actor Jeff Douglas, who starred as the ranting patriot ‘Joe’ in Molson’s popular “I am Canadian” TV ads now live? (Los Angeles . . . typical.)