Paula Abdul has lined up her first job since leaving “American Idol” because she genuinely believed she deserved to make $10 million a year to slur nonsense in a drugged-up haze. There was talk of her being on “Dancing with the Stars” in some capacity, but that didn’t happen. And ABC replaced her on “Ugly Betty” with an actual actress because she demanded a private jet. And rumors of her going back to “Idol” were quickly denied by Fox, because Fox is crazy but it ain’t stupid.

Anyway, you’ll have the chance to see Paula on basic cable when she hosts VH1’s “Divas.”

I’m not being mean when I say Paula Abdul is absolutely horrible at what she does and shouldn’t be on television. I’m just being honest. I wouldn’t pay her $20 to wish my niece happy birthday at her birthday party. She’s a GD train wreck crashing into a car wreck falling off a cliff and sinking a ship. And that’s just not a safe thing to have at a children’s party.