DBTalk: Module 5 — Walking the Middle Path

In DBT, we veer away from extremes and strive for balance — for the “middle path” between seemingly conflicting truths. Our goal is to see the spectrum of colors

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

B

ashi

We’ve moved on to a new module — the final module! The time has flown and the girls have changed immeasurably. The change is always gradual, so it can be hard to see how much they’ve grown until we look back at and compare the way they were with the way they are now — it’s astounding.

The last module is walking the middle path, where we spend time discussing the “D” in DBT: dialectics.

Dialectic thinking means balancing two opposite concepts simultaneously. The main balance that we aim to achieve in DBT is the balance of common opposites, acceptance, and change: I accept myself as I am while recognizing that I need to try harder and do better. This theme is woven throughout every module of DBT but we focus on it exclusively now.

In DBT, we veer away from extremes and strive for balance — for the “middle path” between seemingly conflicting truths. Our goal is to see the spectrum of colors — not just grays! — between black and white. Especially for teens, who often think in all-or-nothing terms, balancing is particularly important.

Here are the main concepts of dialectics:

There’s always more than one way to see a situation and solve a problem

Each person has unique qualities and a different point of view

Change is the only constant; people and relationships change constantly

Two things that seem opposite can both be true

Honor the truth on both sides of a conflict

To understand and implement a middle-path perspective, we learn several strategies for thinking and acting dialectically as well as common thinking mistakes that can prevent us from behaving dialectically.

The best way to learn these concepts is to apply them to real teenage scenarios, so I’ve invited the girls to explain!

Shalva

The coolest thing about DBT is that I keep thinking that I’ve learned everything there is to know about myself… and then — bam! — something new comes along that adds another dimension to my understanding of myself.

I guess that’s kind of the point of therapy, isn’t it?

It also worries me, because I can see that I’ve made improvements — but I still feel anxious. I know that the last module means that I’m graduating soon, and I’m not so sure I’m ready for that! When I worked up the guts to admit that in front of everyone, Bashi told me that my concerns fit right in to this new module. As a group, we labeled it as an example of a common thinking mistake: black-and-white thinking. The fact that I still feel anxious at times doesn’t cancel out the changes I’ve made; they’re both true!

Later in the week, I caught myself making another thinking mistake. I looked over my to-do list and started feeling panicky. This led to an uncomfortable conversation with myself:

Me: There’s no way I’m going to finish this! What’s the point of even trying? I’ll never be able to do it.

Also me (attempting Reasonable Mind mode): It can’t hurt to try. I may as well do some of it.

Me (abandoning Reasonable Mind, now in Emotional Mind): No way. I’m going to feel horrible if I can’t check off the whole list. Not happening.