Satiring

In a rather expected turn of events today, famed astrologer Sri Sri VellayurPanayur Narayanan Swami announced that Halloween had been officially included in the Panjagam*. Upon further enquiry as to the addition, he retorted “Are you freakin’ kiddin’ me? Do you have any idea how many Halloween parties I’ve been invited to this year? It’s the event of the year, man! I mean the only thing that comes as close is the 4th of July fireworks show.”

When asked if there was any opposition, Sri Sri confided that the only issue was that Iyengars wanted to celebrate Halloween on a different day than the others. “Like thats surprising! But once I get the final confirmation, I can get on with the most crucial step – editing the wiki page for panjagam. Oh how long I’ve been dreaming of this moment.” he finished tearfully.

Public reactions to this addition have also been positive. “Finally!” remarked Sachchu Maami, noted DD Podhigai “Samayal Samayal” chef. “That Ambujam went to America to see her daughter for one month and all she could talk about was Halloween! About time we get to celebrate it as well!” she said as she was picking up her Wonder Woman costume.

“Just another publicity stunt this is. What reaction do they expect from us?” opined SP Raju, President of Nageshwar Rao Park Pensioners Club. “But if they’re going to put special programmes all day on Siripoli, I don’t mind, hehe” He added quickly, and went on to discuss about Ramya Krishnan’s moving performance in the previous day’s episode of Thangam with the other members.

Upon other Halloween related news in Chennai, T.Rajendar was given “Best costume award” at a Halloween party when in reality he had been protesting against the event. “Pogo channel shows Mr.Bean, Unakku edhukku da Halloween?” he shouted, raising an alarmingly logical question as he proceeded to accuse that Halloween was “suppressing oppressing and depressing the people of Chennai”. However, he calmed down considerably after being given his prize. “Sorry for the interruption, that was only my introduction. This may be prize, but it is not a surprise.” he grinned, dazzling everyone with mad rhyme skyllz. “Back when I was making my blockbusters, apart from being the director, actor, producer, scriptwriter, story writer, dialogue writer, music director, choreographer,tea boy, I was the one who also designed the costumes”. He declared, and left much before anybody could ask him how exactly he had put together his very realistic Gorilla costume.

Also seen making a hasty exit was Actor Vijay who had in fact won second prize for his mechanic costume. Sources say that when his name was announced, he went “But I’m not wearin’ a fuckin’ costume!” before randomly screaming “Ei!” at a press-photographer.

In a rather shocking turn of events, it seems that the God himself has issued a rather strong message of condemnation with reference to the current order of things in the World.

The message left by Him was initially labeled as a “Mystery Mark” in the sky, but once a team of leading cryptologists around the world set to crack it, it was finally deciphered to being the international symbol of condemnation, commonly known as “The Finger”

“They be poppin’ homies trippin’ the big guy’s name, man! He ain’t pleased wi tha Jeehad shit, fo shizzle. And those guys, they gonna get served, ya get what I’m sayin’ man? Ma Brotha be havin some crazy skyllz”* said His spokesman, Gar00Dogg, upon further interrogation as to the exact reason behind this strong “Con-dayumm-nation”. He did not reveal anything more about God’s plans, but did reassure everything would become “fine….like Yo Mamma!” before launching into very loud and inappropriate laughter.

“I think like, what he’s like trying to like, say, is that he’s like pissed” said one leading cryptologist, following “The Finger” conclusion which was reached after much research and references with the latest technology in Cryptic Sciences, including the Harry Potter series.

Strangely enough, there have also been some bizarre sightings of an Old Indian man running about the streets screaming “Kalki is coming, Kalki is coming!” Eyewitnesses are especially perplexed. “I have been getting Kalki every week for the past two decades. I don’t find a reason to scream on the streets” said one resident, who wishes to remain anonymous.

With terrorism spreading everywhere in the world, this message comes as what could be a sign of things to come, say some other experts. “Dude, this is God showing the finger to those terrorist bastards, man. It’s a sign of like hope and maybe some more weird-ass things that could happen. Maybe it’s that Judgment Day thing that people keep talking about in Sunday School. I hope that’s covered in my Insurance, man.” said David Kinsley, President of The-International-Organization-Which-Holds-Emergency-Meetings-Whenever-There’s-A-Finger-In-The-Sky, after their emergency meeting in Geneva, whose attendance included Angelina Jolie-Pitt and her 25 children.

God, however, was unavailable for comment. Sources say that he was venting his anger on an Indian City by the name of Chennai, by diverting a cyclone in its direction and forcing its stranded residents to watch CNN-IBN, or worse, Times Now.

* – “It is unfortunate that these terrorists kill innocent lives in the name of God. Jihad is wrong, and pretty soon, God is going to be taking some serious action”

** – This picture, a fine example of excellence in photojournalism was taken by our special corespondent Ms.Chutney. Really.

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