5 Terrible PETA Ads That Make Me Hate Humans

PETA’s provocative PSAs seem to draw more attention to their company rather than promote the ethical treatment of animals. I wish I could like PETA because animals shouldn’t be exploited, but their methods are notoriously obnoxious, stupid, racist, sexist, violent and ineffective. From equating animal cruelty to human slavery, to objectifying women, PETA has always seemed a little desperate.

Ignoring some of the more egregiously sexist and racist ads, here are 5 of the least sexy peta PSAs:

1) Boyfriend Went Vegan. This ad shows a woman trudging down the street in a fucking neckvrace. Apparently, if you go vegan, you will be so good at fucking your girlfriend that it will look like you abused her. HOT HOT HOT.

Score: 2 out of 10 beavers.

2) Animal Birth Control. This one aims to encourage people to spay or neuter their cats–a great idea executed super poorly. It’s funny if you can get past the Fritz the Cat like anthropomorphism and ascription of human sexuality onto animals (I can’t. Gross).

Score: 4 out of 10 sperm whales

3) When I Grow Up. This is the ad I would make if I wanted to make fun of PETA for being obtuse–only there aren’t enough women wearing lettuce bikinis. The ad literally says “animals are people too” which is just patently false whichever way you slice it. Even if you like animals and don’t think they should be eaten, worn or abused, you probably wouldn’t vote for one for city council or let one nanny your child because they aren’t people.

5) Joaquin Phoenix: Drowns. 40 Seconds of not finding Joaquin Phoenix sexy is a personal record for me. Pretending that human and fish suffering should evoke the same sympathy and emotion is kind of a stretch.

Score: 1 out of 10 Joaquin Phoenixes

It’s wonderful to care about animal welfare and protection, but PETA should find a better way to do it.