This sounds like a magic item inspired by countless eternal youth cliches, of which Pirates of the Caribbean was merely the most recent and most well known.

Delicious Babies/Chocolate Labs

I'm not sure there's a manifestation of this trope outside of the "Eetmees" in SCP-294's log, but the key to making this work would be to concentrate on squick and horror, not a straight-up implementation.

Chimera Booth

Not only is this cliche, but it's already been covered quite well by both SCP-914 and SCP-889, the latter of which is pretty much exactly what you're describing except in the form of an entire building.

USB drive(I'll think up a weird thang later)

If this involves a virus that infects biological hosts as well as computers, I will slap you.

War-zone Toxin/Cognitive Hazard

There's a complete conceptual disconnect here. You ingest a poison, then… advanced soldiers magically appear and take you away? Why?

Symbiotic spider of swag

This is a vanilla magic item, with visuals inspired by Witchblade to boot. This will never work.

This sounds like a magic item inspired by countless eternal youth cliches, of which Pirates of the Caribbean was merely the most recent and most well known.

I understand, but 006 and Bright's Bling are the only fountains of youth I can recall. I could probably conjure up some terrible drawbacks or high prices, but I feel it'd just be a cheap tack-on.

I'm not sure there's a manifestation of this trope outside of the "Eetmees" in SCP-294's log, but the key to making this work would be to concentrate on squick and horror, not a straight-up implementation.

It's semi-original?! Yes! YYEEESS!!
The only question that remains is if the products should feel pain or remain as cute and playful as they typically do when you're eating their face…

I'm not sure there's a manifestation of this trope outside of the "Eetmees" in SCP-294's log, but the key to making this work would be to concentrate on squick and horror, not a straight-up implementation.

Shit.

If this involves a virus that infects biological hosts as well as computers, I will slap you.

There's a complete conceptual disconnect here. You ingest a poison, then… advanced soldiers magically appear and take you away? Why?

Alright, time to elaborate. Say you're in an office building or something, just sitting at your desk, minding your own business. You take a sip of water, look over at the funky ass symbol on the paper you're holding, nothing's really out of the ordinary. But five or ten minutes later, it begins. A flashbang or a smoke grenade might nonchalantly drop into the room, and as soon as it goes off soldiers blast through the doors. You don't know who or what these guys are, and by the time your mind articulates "Oh shit, commandoes," you've been served up a nice lead sandwich.

Wait, it gets worse. Say you survive the initial strike. Say you're at Site 19, but some guy like Clef or Konny notices the impending breach and saves your ass. A few moments after you're limping to saftey or standing over one of the "commandoes" wondering where they got such nice toys, similar breaches start happening in nearby rooms. And these squads know you're somewhere nearby. You survive, more start showing up with a general idea of where you are. You just hole up in the center of Site 19, but they won't stop coming. Every room is at risk of a "breach." Eventually they stop giving a fuck and just rip into reality regardless of who's watching. APCs and tanks start rolling down the street. Attack choppers, drones, airstrikes. Eventually you'd wind up with a warzone spanning a few counties. And this massive invading force is looking for you.

This is a vanilla magic item, with visuals inspired by Witchblade to boot. This will never work.

I don't even know what Witchblade is. I could make it a bit more "oh god what the fuck" but again, I'm more than a little hesitant to tack on shit like "what drives you insane" or "you must kill someone daily"

Nonetheless, thanks for taking the time to look over this, Mackenzie, seriously helped.

sw0rd, the only possible way I can think of your warzone idea getting off the ground is if it's some failed (or extremely successful?) form of "entertainment", like those things where people pay to get themselves kidnapped or pretend they're spies for the thrill of it.

No offense, but this sounds like a really bad B-movie plot. The only place I can see this going is a poorly written wankfic chock full of gratuitous tacticool. I really, really think you should abandon this idea.

I don't even know what Witchblade is.

(Links/Google searches may be NSFW.) Witchblade is a very (in)famous american comic book series adapted into a live action movie, TV series, and anime. In all of its incarnations, the aforementioned Witchblade is a living symbiotic gauntlet that attaches itself to women it finds "worthy" and grants them supernatural abilities as well as the ability to metamorph weapons out of their bodies, then forces them to fight each other. The anime dialed it up to eleven by adding gratuitous fanservice and a MILF protagonist to boot.

I'm more than a little hesitant to tack on shit like "what drives you insane" or "you must kill someone daily"

At least you got this part nailed. When I accuse something of being a "magic item", I refer specifically to items that could easily fit into any roleplaying sourcebook's magic item list, but more broadly to items with specific activation methods (put it on) and predictable functions once activated (morphs into tools/weapons). It doesn't even necessarily have to be purely useful; adding drawbacks to it doesn't save it because then it's just a "cursed" magic item.

War-zone Toxin/Cognitive Hazard - Some poor dude triggers something or ingests the anomalous poison and suddenly troops show up and they have hyper advanced gear and might kill you or take you prisoner or something. Unmarked AYWACS(is that the term?) circles the event horizon.

The term you are looking for is AWACS, which stands for Airborne Warning and Control System.

I'm not sure how an event horizon plays into this, but if you're talking about an actual horizon, I'm not so sure how well you'd see the AWACS. AWACS aircraft such as the E-3 Sentry operate tens of thousands of feet above the ground and give radar support from hundreds of miles away, not exactly easy to see.

War-zone Toxin/Cognitive Hazard - Some poor dude triggers something or ingests the anomalous poison and suddenly troops show up and they have hyper advanced gear and might kill you or take you prisoner or something. Unmarked AYWACS(is that the term?) circles the event horizon.

What is this I don't even.

Symbiotic spider of swag - Parasitic spider that attaches to your arm, eventually bonds with it and becomes some sort of chitinous bracer. Can flash-grow into a sizeable blade, a sheild, super-oven mit/gauntlet of dooooooom, other useful shit. The spider talks to you, access to all of your memories, adopts peices of your personality. Peeps with the spiderbro need a higher caloric intake.

The first thing I thought of while reading this was the Blue Beetle. When your item mimics the superpowers of a DC superhero, you really need to rethink your concept.

Just as a helpful suggestion before you dig yourself too deep, keep in mind that the best kind of inspiration is the kind that comes to you; forcing out ideas rarely if ever works, and is likely to make everyone frustrated. Take your time and mull over your ideas.

Reality Bending Drug - Some kind of poison or drug that, when ingested, causes reality shifts around the victim. The shifts in question aren't incredibly catastrophic, but can include shit like rooms disappearing, rooms forming around you, rooms that weren't there before, shit falling from the sky (like a lamp or a whale or a big ass teddy bear), your gun turns into various flying insects when you pull the trigger, shit like that. It's also a hostile environment, random shit like Civil War soldiers, various animals (some of which just don't make sense), that shrub that just grew arms. All of it wants to kill you.

Symbiotic spider - Parasitic spider that attaches to your arm, eventually bonds with it and becomes some sort of chitinous bracer. After a few days it extends to your hand and more and more of your arm until it becomes a big chitinous thing of thingyness. Joints become multi-directional. Muscle and bone density goes up by a fuckton. The end result is a big ass arm that barely avoids touching floor. Occasional growths that look like spider legs or a blind spider eye may show up, especially around the shoulderblade area. The subject is lucid and aware of what's happening, and it's painful. No real side effects. The spider itself is still alive, its now significantly larger nervous system winds up wrapped up inside your brand new murder weapon, but you remain in control.

The first one; are they perceptual reality shifts, or actual reality shifts? If the former, that's just drugs doing drug things, but more so. If the latter, that's something I'd imagine other people would see, in which case it's a thing that causes weird reality shifts for everyone.

Either way, I don't think it's particularly viable.

The second one, all I can think about is a Resident Evil-esque monster and it doesn't do much to interest me.

I didn't feel like a whole new thread was necessary, so I'll just leave these here…

SCP Brand Playing Cards - A deck of standard "bicycle" playing cards, with two jokers mixed in of course. The deck's packaging says it was made by the Foundation, but obviously they didn't. When unobserved, the cards will "reassemble" and replace lost or damaged cards. The primary effect occurs when the top card is removed from the deck. A specific object or person/animal associated the Foundation is teleported from where it was and it's now in front of the user. Each card has a specific object/entity attached to it. There's a pattern to the cards and their attached objects:

The Hearts suit consists of Safe-Class scips
The Clubs suit consists of Euclid-Class scips
The Spades suit consists of Keter-Class scips
The Diamonds suit consists of members of the Senior Staff and a few O5s
I'll think up an effect for the jokers later.

Regarding this, could I whip up a table showing which card summons what, and how much [REDACTED] should be applied?

Your Guardian Angel - A gold plated rosary that, when its wearer is significantly threatened (like someone's shooting at you), an entity will appear to protect them. The entity in question is humanoid, looks similar to Clef's proposal, but with only one set of wings and isn't as luminescent. It will be active during an attack, and will persist for some time after. It's usually armed with whatever's popular at the time (if it were used during the Revolutionary War, it'd be rockin' a musket). Old as dirt. It's very zealous, but can't act outside of its role as a bodyguard.

This is a VERY rough idea with plenty of interchangeable parts, if it looks too cliche, let me know.

The first one hinges on summoning SCPs and being related to the Foundation, neither of which are good ideas. The second is a Thing What Fites Good. Both are overpowered. I don't think either will work.

I suspected as much with the angel, yet I think the cards show some promise.

It's easy enought to contain, but that's not the point. The whole reason for its existence is to scare the everloving shit out of the Foundation. Once they realize the scope of what this thing does, bricks would be shat.