Leave Twitter?! Would you? Could you?

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By now, if you are not on Twitter, you are quite behind the times. It’s been a couple years, and every person, place and thing seems to have a Twitter account. But what if you want to be ahead of the crowd, so far ahead that you actually leave Twitter? After all, the young hipster mafia will only stick with something like this for so long before they drop it, so should you beat them to the punch? While Twitter may be at it’s prime right now, Jon Stewart would beg to differ. In fact, he recently discussed his five good reasons for leaving Twitter.

#1) No More Social Media Experts: There really is such a thing as social media consultants who do useful things for corporations. However, on Twitter, everyone is an expert, or at least claims to be, but is not. If you have to ask, you can’t afford it. If you have to to claim expert status, you are no boss. If you left Twitter, these twits would be gone, gone, gone.

#2) Meme-Free and Proud: Two years ago, before you were on Twitter, did you give a care what ‘#FF’ could mean? Of course not! Twitter is bringing memes to the masses in a big way, and it is ugly. Head over to Twitter.com and take a look at what is on the trending topics section. Right now there is a wonderful entry called ‘#therewasatimewhen,’ something that is easy to parse at first glance, not always the case with the top trending memes. What does this mean? That you can take part in a global discussion with a bunch of randoms about some things that you may or may not find interesting, and will not be correctly spelled.

#3) You are a Real Person Again: Once you put Twitter out of your life, you will never show up to a bar and then frantically tweet its condition, the type of drink you purchased, how it tastes, and what the creepy dude in the corner is doing. Oh, and then you have to answer all the @s you get in response to your Tweet. By that time, your drink is gone, and you are headed out the door, being so social, and yet ignoring anyone who doesn’t have an avatar. You could have just had a drink, talked to someone new for a minute, had a quiet moment to yourself, and been real. Let’s face it, those of us on Twitter, Tweet way too often.

#4) Never know where anyone is: Once you leave Twitter, and I can only suspect as I could no more leave Twitter than cut off my own hand, you will never know where you friends are. Think about it, how often do you really use Foursquare to find friends? Without Twitter, you get to do your own thing, never worrying about who is where, if you’re being followed (oh yes, it happens) and if you might be seen going somewhere that is not cool enough for Twitter. Freedom: you have to quit to get it.

#5) Never feel obligated to respond: This doesn’t apply to everyone, as most people ignore their @s anyway, but once you cut the Twitter cord, you never have to answer again!

…Now if you will excuse me, I need to go see how many @s I just received.