BLAH

MY TWO CENTS

Okay, here goes my first ever wrestling column, so I'll try and make it a good one. First off, my name is Dave Funnell, and I live in Hamilton Ontario Canada, about 1 hour south of Toronto. I am a fourth year University student at McMaster University, and am majoring in Urban Geography while minoring in Arts and Music (some of the easiest shit there is). I've watched wrestling since I was a little boy, and was introduced to it by a Xmas gift I received which was a Tito Santana doll, so you can see why I was a big fan of his when I was younger. As time progressed, I would watch Superstars and Saturday Night's Main Event all the time, and root for the bad guys. In fact, I had a copy of Wrestlemania 6 given to me and I refused to watch it because a lot of the good guys won their matches. I was a big fan of Mr. Perfect, Earthquake and the Milion Dollar Man, all because they tried to END Hulkamania. Ironically, after a brief period of NO WRESTLING for me, I only started back with it because of Hulk Hogan's evil turn to the now. It was from that moment forth that I was a proud fan and somewhat member (at heart) of WCW and the new World order. That's why I started back with wrestling, and watched EVERY damn Nitro and Thunder until they died almost a year back. Sad. Now I am an Alliance fan, yet I do love the WWF, and always will. You can email me at any time to discuss, agree or argue with anything I say. Heck, if youre an Arizona Cardinals fan, a Clippers fan or a Mariners fan, then we can talk all ya want! My address is theman19@wkbwmail.com

Anyways, what I hope to do here every week is to give my perspective on the events that transpire on our television during RAW. I'm not going to give a play by play account of EVEYR DAMN MATCH (only CRZ can do that the right way). What I'm going to do is basically give you my 2 cents worth of what happens and just what I think about it. If I like it, I'll tell ya. If not, then youre gonna read about it. And I'll even give some football predictions at the end of my column. So, sit back, relax, grab your loved one and read about: MY TWO CENTS!!

Okay, so RAW is LIVE from Louisville Kentucky

Here come Vince and the ENTIRE WWF roster, including....Billy Gunn!!! I bet he's a SURE shot at Team WWF! Undertaker, Kane, Angle, Y2J and the Rock are nominated. Now here's Stephanie, and we see some highlights from Smackdown! I have to admit, the slap of Linda by Stephanie did get me a bit of (HOLY SHIT!) Now here's Shane, and he tells Vince that one member of the WWF will DEFECT to the Alliance.....I'm guessing Y2J or Angle, but what the hell do I know? Lita has no clue, I think it's Billy Gunn actually!

Decent segment, gets my curiosity brewing for the rest of the show, and I am a fan of the McMahon family, so yeah, it worked for me!

Austin comes to the backroom and talks to Stephanie and Shane. Austin cheers for Shane. WOW, this is quality television. Waste of time.

It's R-V-D vs Edge for the Hardcore Championship: I have to admit, I REALLY like both of these guys, and both have so much potential. Plus, Edge is Canadian, so that helps a lot. Interesting outcome as Edge pins R-V-D cleanly, while amounting little offense throughout. I don't understand this one, but hey, I'll take it in a solid short match.
HOLY SHIT MOMENT: frog splahs to the floor

Austin is in the back when Tazz comes back asking who's jumping ship. I hate Austin's skits. Not even funny.....most of the time. Okay, the "what?" to Debra was funny.

APA's playing cards with Saturn, and Moppy's boyfriend looks soooo old and wrinkly. Apparently Y2J's called a WWF meeting. WOW.

The Hurricane (with Mighty Molly) takes on Tajiri: Just like the last match, I like both of these guys a lot too. I find the Hurricane's in ring actions really REALLY funny, and Tajiri just kicks ass. I thought Hurricane was kicked OUT of the Alliance? Why is Heyman praising him? God I love Torrie! Molly pins Torrie while Tajiri has Hurricane in the Tarantula. Decent match.....too short
HOLY SHIT MOMENT: Tajiri's spinning move on Mighty Molly

Y2J has a meeting and asks the coward to reveal himself. Could be Billy Gunn still, although Crash looks at Funaki and thinks it's him. WHO COULD IT BE? Rock enters and they start to bicker. I love this feud so damn much. Rock mocks WCW......to hell with him. Just joking, but don't mock the allianceJ

Bradshaw and Angle tell people to vote.

Austin has another backstage segment, this time with Regal......who's GREAT as a heel. I thought Regal was hurt? Now he's fighting Angle, the man who legitimately hurt him a few weeks back. You think he'll fight a little stiff tonight?

Y2J finds the Undertaker and Kane. Where were they? Who cares......these stupid skits are taking ringtime away from deserving wrestlers, and making the audience restless. These need to stop or at least cut down in length and numbers. I'm bored right now. AND WHY in the blue hell is Martin Lawrence fighting knights in Medieval times? What kind of movie is this??? GOD!!!!!

O damn, it's D-D-P......and this is NOT going to be a good thing. What, DDP has a surprise for us?!?!?! O boy, he knows who's leaving the WWF, so this is going to be a waste of time as we all know the person who's leaving wont be revealed until later in the main event. Now the Big Show is going to come out, chokeslam him and we're going to go to the back. Just wait and see. What a surprise, Big Show comes out......here we go.......might as well put a red mask on him and make fire appear from the ringposts.

Hey, there's Vince in the back......Kurt comes to see him.....wouldn't it be cool if he went to the Alliance? Back as a heel? Ooooo, strategy for a meeting with Austin. Are we going to see a match tonight? About 4 minutes of ringtime, I guess. And that's being generous!

O MY GOD, a MATCH!!!
Booker T and Test vs Y2J and the Rock for the WWF Tag Team Championships: Just a thought, if Paul Heyman REALLY hates the WWF and wants to see them out of business, why the hell does he keep reading the advertisements for the companies that sponsor RAW? I mean, if he doesn't, then the WWF loses sponsors and money, they eventually go under and the WWF is out of business with the Alliance able to take over......just a thought. Anyways, standard tag match, with the faces starting off hot, heels taking over, until a hot tag. Test and Booker are probably two of the Alliance members with the most potential, and despite Booker's age, he still has a LOT more to offer the wrestling world. Weak Russian leg sweeps by Y2J, as he attacks the Rock and Test. How the heck did the Rock make it back to save Y2J so quickly. Test submits to the Walls of Jericho.
HOLY SHIT MOMENT: none, but overall good ending

Angle meets Austin and asks the Olympic Champion to join the Alliance. Angle tells him to go to hell.

Michael Cole and the Rock.....Rock informed that Angle thought Rock was going to join. What is this, grade 4 recess?

Stacy Kiebler vs Lita: I know they're all good female athletes and they look so beautiful, but women's wrestling is boring to me. Stacy's foot to the throat submission hold with her long, silky legs put some dirty visions in my head. Matt Hardy comes to help Lita, elbows her by accident, but Lita still wins. Shouldn't Lita have won by DQ? Awww, Lita's crying.
HOLY SHIT MOMENT: Lita landing on the security wall (man that HAD to hurt)

Rock approaches Angle and asks about his accusation. They argue.

WWF New York with Mick Foley. Let's talk about a book he wrote. You know, after reading that he was offended for having to go to WWF New York, it makes me look differently at this and other interviews. Still FOLEY IS GOD. WOW, insight into the last match, and now we have Dudleyz vs Kane/UT. O BOY.

William Regal has new music. Regal vs Kurt Angle for the US Championship: I still wonder why they gave Angle the US Title....maybe we'll see later tonight why, after he defects??? Match progresses.....I wish Benoit and Regal could wrestle again; I heard it was a classic the first time. Fans are out of this match, but I guess that's understandable after 15000 backstage segments. I think I heard Angle say go before the second German suplex. Ankle lock, win.
HOLY SHIT MOMENT: none

Vince wishes UT and Kane good luck

Dudley Boyz vs Undertake and Kane for the WCW tage team championships: I don't like anyone in this match.....maybe the Undertaker will sell a move. Maybe Buh Buh Ray will hit a move. Nah, probably not. Why is it that these two guys are so dominant in the ring, yet they don't have any titles, or singles title shots of belts that actually matter? They need to bring back Paul Bearer and have someone from their family past come back to hanut them or destroy them. I dunno, just my opinion. All four men here are more stale than year old crackers. I really REALLY want to press fast forward here. O MAN, I was so SURE that the double suplex was going to pin the Undertaker. You know what else I realized......the only moves that get attention are the old school and the Tombstone.....two moves that were predominantly used by them a long time ago. Hmmmm, anyways, Kane falls for the 3D, match over
HOLY SHIT MOMENT: Undertaker sells a punch

NEXT: Main Event - Vince McMahon vs Shane McMahon in a street match

Can this be as good as Wrestlemania?? I doubt it, but it'll still be damn good. You gotta love Vince! And Shane too! Okay, here goes. Just the thought of a father and son fighting with weapons is too funny. I have no idea how Shane isn't paralyzed yet.....everything he takes looks so real. Ahh, there's no love like that of a father and son. My GOD a shooting star press onto a trash can! DAMN! I think Vince has lost it now.....using the Kendo stick on his son. I'm laughing as I watch this match....but its an entertaining laughing. Shane lays Vince on the table.....has that look in his eyes, top rope and hits (barely) an elbow on him. He just grazed him there. The crowd is quiet.....I think they're waiting for Billy Gunn. YES!! DO IT!!! YES!!!!!! Coast to Coast! My GOD!!! YES!!!! Better than Wresltemania!! Now Booker and Test come in. Setting up for someone to defect. Undertaker and Kane take'em out. Undertaker hits the Last Ride. Regal comes out, attacks the Undertaker, but Rock gets him. Austin Stuns Rock, but here's Angke....HE'S DEFECTED!!!!!! I WAS RIGHT!!!!!! It's DAMN TRUE PAUL! So THAT'S WHY they gave him the title, now he can defect and keep the Title in the Alliance. Nice. Celebration, and we're out.

Overall, I'd say a decent show with a dynamite Main Event. Not much other wrestling in the show, with a lot of talking. One reason why I watched Nitro and Thunder for so many years was the better wrestling (okay, near the end of WCW's run). So tonight I saw little in-ring action, which is a little downer for me. The McMahon's are taking away ring-time from guys like Lance Storm, Christian, and Kidman, but the main point of this was to advance to Survivor Series, so for that it did a fabulous job. Therefore, I'd give the show a 7/10, because even though there was a lot of talking, it was rather entertaining....some of the time.

Well, that's it for me, I hope you enjoyed this, and I'll talk to you again. Clippers open the season against the Spurs, while Arizona plays Philly this Sunday. Cant wait.
Football predictions:

I like Green Bay at home to Tampa, Miami at home to the Panthers, and San Diego to beat the Chiefs.