New Years Day Pushed Back to Jan 2nd

Macy's (the parade people) decided to move Jan 1st to Jan 2nd this year in order to complete work on their Every Member of Congress Playing Texas Hold'em float still under construction.

The quarter mile long float, brainchild of the Wayan Brothers and Larry the Cable Guy features, as the name says every member of Congress sitting around a quarter mile long 30 foot tall table playing Texas Hold'em and drinking beer.

"We thought way outside the box this year" Macy's CEO said. A bit too way far outside the box some analysts say. The real non-Texas Hold'em playing Congress is currently meeting with the real Supreme Court debating the legality of Macy's making adjustments to the Gregorian Calender by which all of civilization lives.

Dick Clark has already been told to show up for his "New Year's Rock'n Eve" celebration a day late, January 1st being New Year's Eve. Nathan Ryan, the guy who pushes the button that makes the great big Times Square ball drop told reporters,

"I don't mind showing up a day late to work seeing as how all I do is push a button and pocket half a grand, $750 if I do overtime and toss some confetti off the roof."

Tony Blair and other world leaders have not yet officially endorsed Macy's plan to push back New Years Day, Vladimir Putin going so far as to say he and Russia will celebrate New Years Day "any time they darned well please even if they have to poison every life-form on the planet to secure the right to do so."

Macy's apologizes for the inconvenience and encourages everyone to set their calenders back one day December 31st before going to bed promising a Jan 2nd to remember .. assuming the Ted Kennedy balloon doesn't blow again after downing one too many 6 foot tall inflated Schlitz Malt Liquor Bulls.

Make President Bush's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

More fake news stories

Back In Gear HQ, London: Jeremy Clarkson BACK to present live shows to avoid paying out £10million in refunds to angry fans. Jeremy Clarkson will front the 'Back in Gear' Live World Tour, with Richard Hammond and James May, which is set to make more...

Our intrepid Weeki Leeks reporter had triumphed again with the following revelations. Thirty something years ago a young Scottish person named Nicholas Sturgeon had a sex change operation performed by Dr Herman Clitterman in his clandestine surgery...

St Martin's Well-Man clinic in Newcastle is proving to be a leading beacon in testicular cancer awareness in the United Kingdom. From its early foundations in the 1980's till present time, the clinic has been growing from two or three out-patients a...

The BBC' s human resources department has admitted changing its job application form for the first time in 50 years. Wendy Attenborough, Head of HR, explained that the BBC set up a panel of Stake Holders in November last year, in light of paedophile...

David Cameron's garden at number 10 could be paying for itself soon. Over the last few years he has added a tree house, bouncy castle, pitch and put, croquet area, revolving greenhouse, water chute, Tarzan swing, bowling lawn, bandstand, pigeon shed,...

The seven largest UK political parties have announced they will partake in a tag-team death match before the results of the looming election are revealed.
The event will be staged at Wembley Stadium and fights will involve key members of the Blues...

Ancient Rocker Duane Hyman and guitarist for the band Megasauras held a news conference today at a secret hotel in London at the request of the band's manager Rocky Road.
Duane's life commitment has been to take everything to the max. He was the o...

As morning broke, the only police officer on the small Isle of Siel managed to track down the whereabouts of janitor Wee Speadie who went missing last night when looking for a missing boy. As you will recall, the boy was sent home from school yesterd...