4. Standing on a booth. You gotta show off your sexXxy dancing and take ***FLAWLESS duckface group selfies but you're thisclose to getting in a drunk fight with the girl in a cowl neck dress next to you who came with a group of girls who, right here, right now, are obviously your ARCH RIVALS.

5. Standing on the bar. Or anything that is not the floor or ground. Because 1. falling and 2. you'd never want this much attention for standing on not-the-ground if you were sober.

6. Kissing people whose names you don't know. You: "I just made out with that guy!" Your less drunk friend: *makes face* "And it's time to go!"

7. Having your bra show a LOT. You're Rihanna right now! She'd have her nipples out! Free the nipple! Free all the nipples!

8. Posting photos on Facebook. "Dear world, freeing mah nipplies! Woo!" ←This is the point at which you give your phone to your friend.

10. Taking mass transit home at 3 a.m. to save $10 on a cab. When your mother asks you how your night was the next day you're going to remember this with regret.

11. Ordering food as soon as you get home. Because you fall asleep before it arrives. Or because the only places you can order from are just disgusting.

12. Trying to make food as soon as you get home. Because you're going to end up waking up to an apartment full of smoke and a black disk that used to be a frozen pizza or you're just going to eat something embarrassing, like tortilla chips dipped in peanut butter or God knows.

13. Grabbing onto a pole that happens to be next to you. When you're drunk this only leads to one sort of action and it's probably not one you'll want to end up on Vine so everyone can talk about it at brunch the next day.

14. Letting a guy who is at least 20 years older than you buy you a drink. One minute it's an $18 vodka soda, the next you have a stage five clinger Old on your hands.