Mike learned a hard lesson on this day...........................
Mike was going to be married to Karen, so his father sat him down for a
little chat.
He said, "Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night, in
our honeymoon suite I took off my pants, handed them to your mother, and
said, Here - try these on."
She did and said, "These are too big I can't wear them."
I replied, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.'
Ever since that night we have never had any problems."
"Hmmm," said Mike.
He thought that might be a good thing to try.
On his honeymoon, Mike took of his pants and said to Karen,
"Here try these on."
She tried them on and said, "These are too large. They don't fit me."
Mike said, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I
don't want you to ever forget that."
Then Karen took off her pants and handed them to Mike.
She said, "Here, you try on mine."
He did and said, "I can't get into your pants."
Karen said, "Exactly. And if you don't change your smart ass
attitude, you never will."
That explains it. It's my attitude.

>Got this from LTBB the other day
30 things you'll never hear a woman say.
>
>1. You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for
>ignoring me.
>2. The new girl in my office is a real beauty, and a stripper too, I
>invited her over for dinner on Friday.
>3. While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and
>missed. If they can hold them to a field goal they'll still cover.
>4. Bar food again! Kick ass.
>5. I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.
>6. That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool, I'm gonna go over
>and talk to her.
>7. Let's just leave the toilet seat "up" at all times, then you don't have
>to mess with it anymore.
>8. I've decided to buy myself a boob job. How big do you want'em?
>9. It's only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers.
>10. Honey, come here! Watch me do a Tequila Shot off of Stephanie's bare
>ass.
>11. My mother is going to take care of the tab, so order another round for
>you and your friends.
>12. I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it
>again.
>13. Damn! I love when my pillow smells like your cigars and beer.
>14. You are so much smarter than my father.
>15. If we're not going to have sex, then you have to let me watch football.
>16. Are you sure you've had enough to drink?
>17. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.
>18. You're so sexy when you're hung over.
>19. I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.
>20. Let's subscribe to Hustler.
>21. I'll be out painting the house.
>22. I love it when you ride your Harley, I just wish you had more time to
>ride.
>23. Honey, our new neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again, come see!
>24. No, No, I'll take the car to have the oil changed.
>25. Your mother is way better than mine.
>26. Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine's Day thing and buy yourself
>something.
>27. Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don't you retire.
>28. You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night
>feedings.
>29. Look! My ass is fatter than yours!
>30. Let's get rid of my friends and keep all of yours.

You are on a two lane road with a NO PASSING sign posted.
There is a slow moving bicycle on the right.
QUESTION: do you break the law and pass it. Or do you follow it for the next two miles ?.
Why risk a ticket :)

My Dad sent my sister an e mail. He wants to rent a booth in her up coming bike show, to sell his new invention.
A motorcycle jacket with a built in DVD player on the back so the passenger can watch movies on those long trips.
Perfect for the guy who has no more room for chrome on his bike.
Ladies, think of all the envy it cause in the other girls. No longer will they be happy with the sissy bar and barko lounger they made their guy's put on their bikes.
We will make sure it is priced 5 times what it is worth, so it will also be a status symbol.
Ladies, if he asks why you can't look at the scenery. Tell him you can't see around his broad shoulders.
The wide screen version will also come with a genuine leather and Velcro flap cover embroidered with " Yea I walk through the Valley in the shadow of death and I fear no evil cause I am the evilest MF in the valley"
This will show all the Bro's that he really is a bad azz Biker and not some Pu$$y whipped yuppy wanna be.

The Guys' Rules???????????????????
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear
"the rules "
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note . . . these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1 Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are . . .
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as SEX, CARS, the shotgun formation,
or HOCKEY.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.
The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.
The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in! return.
Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."
"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."
She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you do?"
"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.
"My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."
She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "Ho w ab out you, little guy?"
The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua.
He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says .
Liver alone Cheese mine

>
> Wherever you stand, please take the time to read this; it ought to
> scare the pants off you!
>
>
> We know Dick Lamm as the former Governor of Colorado. In that context
> his thoughts are particularly poignant. Last week there was an
> immigration overpopulation conference in Washington, DC, filled to
> capacity by many of America's finest minds and leaders. A brilliant
> college professor by the name of Victor Hansen Davis talked about his
> latest book, "Mexifornia," explaining how immigration - both legal and
> illegal was destroying the entire state of California. He said it
> would march across the country until it destroyed all vestiges of The
> American Dream.
> > Moments later, former Colorado Governor Richard D. Lamm stood up and
> gave a stunning speech on how to destroy America. The audience sat
> spellbound as he described eight methods for the destruction of the
> United States. He said, "If you believe that America is too smug,
> too self-satisfied, too rich, then let's destroy America. It is not
> that hard to do. No nation in history has survived the ravages of
> time. Arnold Toynbee observed that all great civilizations rise and
> fall and that 'An autopsy of history would show that all great nations
> commit suicide.'"
>
> "Here is how they do it," Lamm said: "First, to destroy America, turn
> America into a bilingual or multi-lingual and bicultural country."
> History shows that no nation can survive the tension, conflict, and
> antagonism of two or more competing languages and cultures. It is a
> blessing for an individual to be bilingual; however, it is a curse for
> a society to be bilingual. The historical scholar, Seymour Lipset,
> put it this way: "The histories of bilingual and bi-cultural societies
> that do not assimilate are histories of turmoil, tension, and
> tragedy." Canada, Belgium, Malaysia, and Lebanon all face crises
> of national existence in which minorities press for autonomy, if not
> independence. Pakistan and Cyprus have divided. Nigeria suppressed
> an ethnic Rebellion. France faces difficulties with Basques, Bretons,
> and Corsicans. ".
>
> Lamm went on: Second, to destroy America, "Invent 'multiculturalism'
> and encourage immigrants to maintain their culture. Make it an article
> of belief that all cultures are equal. That there are no cultural
> differences. Make it an article of faith that the Black and Hispanic
> dropout rates are due solely to prejudice and discrimination by the
> majority. Every other explanation is out of bounds.
>
> Third, "We could make the United States an 'Hispanic Quebec' without
> much effort. The key is to celebrate diversity rather than unity. As
> Benjamin Schwarz said in the Atlantic Monthly recently: "The apparent
> success of our own multiethnic and multicultural experiment might have
> been achieved not by tolerance but by hegemony. Without the dominance
> that once dictated ethnocentricity and what it meant to be an
> American, we are left with only tolerance and pluralism to hold us
> together."
>
> Lamm said, "I would encourage all immigrants to keep their own
> language and culture. I would replace the melting pot metaphor with
> the salad bowl metaphor. It is important to ensure that we have
> various cultural subgroups living in America enforcing their
> differences rather than as Americans, emphasizing t heir similarities."
>
> "Fourth, I would make our fastest growing demographic group the least
> educated. I would add a second underclass, unassimilated,
> undereducated, and antagonistic to our population. I would have this
> second underclass have a 50% dropout rate from high school."
>
> "My fifth point for destroying America would be to get big
> foundations and business to give these efforts lots of money. I would
> invest in ethnic identity, and I would establish the cult of
> 'Victimology.' I would get all minorities to think that their lack of
> success was the fault of the majority. I would start a grievance
> industry blaming all minority failure on the majority population."
>
> "My sixth plan for America's downfall would include dual citizenship,
> and promote divided loyalties. I would celebrate diversity over unity.
> I would stress differences rather than si milarities. Diverse people
> worldwide a re mostly engaged in hating each other - that is, when
> they are not killing each other. A diverse, peaceful, or stable
> society is against most historical precedent. People undervalue the
> unity it takes to keep a nation together. Look at the ancient Greeks.
> The Greeks believed that they belonged to the same race; they
> possessed a common Language and literature; and they worshipped the
> same gods. All Greece took part in the Olympic games. A common enemy,
> Persia, threatened their liberty. Yet all these bonds were not strong
> enough to overcome two factors: local patriotism and geographical
> conditions that nurtured political divisions. Greece fell. "E.
> Pluribus Unum" --From many, one. In that historical reality, if we
> put the emphasis on the 'pluribus' instead of the 'Unum,' we will
> balkanize America as surely as Kosovo."
> > "Next to last, I would place all subjects off limits; make it taboo to
> talk about anything against the cult of 'diversity.' I would find a
> word similar to 'heretic' in the 16th century - that stopped
> discussion and paralyzed thinking. Words like 'racist' or 'xenophobe'
> halt discussion and debate. Having made America a
> bilingual/bicultural country, having established multi-culturism,
> having the large foundations fund the doctrine of 'Victimology,' I
> would next make it impossible to enforce our immigration laws. I would
> develop a mantra: That because immigration has been good for America,
> it must always be good. I would make every individual immigrant
> symmetric and ignore the cumulative impact of millions of them."
>
> In the last minute of his speech, Governor Lamm wiped his brow
> Profound silence followed. Finally he said,. "Lastly, I would censor
> Victor H anson Davis's book "Mexifornia." His book is dangerous. It
> exposes the plan to destroy America If you feel America. deserves
> to be destroyed, don't read that book."
>
> There was no applause. A chilling fear quietly rose like an ominous
> cloud above every attendee at the conference. Every American in that
> room knew that everything Lamm enumerated was proceeding methodically,
> quietly, darkly, yet pervasively across the United States today.
> Discussion is being suppressed. Over 100 languages are ripping the
> foundation of our educational system and national cohesiveness. Even
> barbaric cultures that practice female genital mutilation are growing
> as we celebrate 'diversity.' American jobs are vanishing into the
> Third World as corporations create a Third World in America - take
> note of California and other states - to date, ten million illegal
> aliens and growing fast. I t is reminiscent of George Orwell's book
> "1984." In that story, three slogans are engraved in the Ministry of
> Truth building: "War is peace," "Freedom is slavery," and "Ignorance
> is strength."
>
> Governor Lamm walked back to his seat. It dawned on everyone at the
> conference that our nation and the future of this great democracy is
> deeply in trouble and worsening fast. If we don't get this immigration
> monster stopped within three years, it will rage like a California
> wildfire and destroy everything in its path especially The American
> Dream.
>
> If you care for and love our country as I do, take the time to pass
> this on just as I did for you. NOTHING is going to happen if you

Got this in an e mail awhile back.
First let me say that I try hard NOT to be a raciest. This is not about race.
Second, I am a wanna be Christian. Meaning I fall short at being really good at it. I also have a hard time accepting that Jeasus is the only way to Gods grace. Its just my way.
I have friends that follow other Spiritual paths, that I believe are truely good people.
And lastly,I admid I do not actually know any Muslims,other than the ones I met in jail in my wilder youth.Perhaps that might not be a good example. ha ha.
I dont Know Who's observation this is but it's certainly food for thought
Can a good Muslim be a good American? I forwarded that question to a
friend that worked in Saudi Arabia for 20 years. The following is his
forwarded reply.
"Have you ever thought -- Is Muslim American really an oxymoron? Can a
devout Muslim be an American patriot and a loyal citizen? Consider this:
"Theologically, no. Because his allegiance is to Allah, the moon god of
Arabia.
"Religiously, no. Because no other religion is accepted by his Allah
excep t Islam (Quran, 2:256)
"Scripturally, no. Because his allegiance is to the five pillars of
Islam and the Quran (Koran).
"Geographically, no. Because his allegiance is to Mecca, to which he
turns in prayer five times a day.
"Socially, no. Because his allegiance to Islam forbids him to make
friends with Christians or Jews.
"Politically, no. Because he must submit to the mullahs (spiritual
leaders), who teach annihilation of Israel and destruction of America,
the great Satan.
"Domestically, no, because he is instructed to marry four women and beat
and scourge his wife when she disobeys him (Quran4:34).
"Intellectually, no, because he cannot accept the American Constitution
since it is based on Biblical principles and he believes the Bible to be
corrupt.
"Philosophically, no, because Islam, Muhammad, and the Quran do not
allow freedom of religion and expression. Democracy and Islam cannot
co-exist.
Every Muslim government is either dictatorial or Autocratic.
"Spiritually, no, because when we declare "one nation under God," the
Christian's God is loving and kind, while Allah is NEVER referred to as
heavenly father, nor is he ever called love in the Quran's 99 excellent
names.
"Therefore after much study and deliberation.... Perhaps we should be
very suspicious of ALL MUSLIMS in this country. They obviously cannot be
both 'good' Muslims and good Americans. Call it what you wish ... it's
still the truth."
If you find yourself intellectually in agreement with the above
statements, perhaps you will share this with your friends. The more who
understand this, the better it will be for our country and our future.
Pass it on Fellow Americans.... The religious war is bigger than we know or understand.
I do not wish to be forcibly converted to Islam, and return to the 17th
century. Does that make a war of extermination inevitable? I'm very much
afraid there is no other outcome that will leave our Western
Civilization intact, and our descendants alive!
It seems it actually IS them or us. I hope someone can come up with another solution, but it sure looks like the worst is yet to come.

Homeless
I was walking down the busy sidewalk, fully aware I was late for work, when my eye fell upon one of those homeless vagabonds found in every modern inner city.
Wearing what can only be describes as rags, carrying every worldly possession in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this tramp's demeanor.
Some people turned to stare.
Others looked away as if the sight would contaminate them.
Recalling some long-ago Sunday School lesson to "care for the sick, feed the hungry, and clothe the naked," I was moved by an inner urge to reach out to this less fortunate one.
Where some people saw only rags, I saw the hidden beauty.
A small voice inside my head echoed, said "Reach out, reach out!"
So I did.....
I get out in 6 weeks
>

Sad news... Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.
The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

Don't know what it is about this time of year. But it seems like every body I know is going through some kind of turmoil.
Just got off the phone with my adopted niece. She just broke up with her boyfriend and is heartbroken. The other girl that lives with me just broke up as well. TWO other couples I know, just decided to get divorced.
All these people breaking up. And the flip side is all the single people I know are feeling extra sorry for themselves for not having any one.
I don't know, just seems like things are out of balance.

This was sent to me by a 25 year olf friend. "Fkr"
This is being sent only to those whose level of maturity qualifies them to relate to it...
1975: Long hair
2005: Longing for hair
1975: KEG
2005: EKG
1975: Acid rock
2005: Acid reflux
1975: Moving to California because it's cool
2005: Moving to Arizona because it's warm
1975: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2005: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
1975: Seeds and stems
2005: Roughage
1975: Hoping for a BMW
2005: Hoping for a BM
1975: Going to a new, hip joint
2005: Receiving a new hip joint
1975: Rolling Stones
2005: Kidney Stones
1975: Being called into the principal's office
2005: Calling the principal's office
1975: Disco
2005: Costco
1975: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2005: Children begging you to get their heads shaved
1975: Passing the drivers' test
2005: Passing the vision test
1975: Whatever
2005: Depends
Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things..
The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1987.
They are too young to remember the first space shuttle blowing up on liftoff.
Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
The CD was introduced the year they were born.
They have always had an answering machine.
They have always had cable
They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane, Boss, de plane".
They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.
McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
Do you feel old yet? Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list. Notice the larger type, that's for those of you who have trouble reading...

Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire .
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it .
She moved in with me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder ...
"What the hell was I thinking?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you ...
I've changed my mind.
-------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------
I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am ...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.
####################################################
Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go ...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.
********************************************************************************
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee & West Virginia )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost lifelike!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
We have been friends for a very long time ...
let's say we stop?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here.
=====================================================
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.
))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay

On a chain of beautiful islands in the middle of nowhere,
the following
people are stranded:
Two Italian men and one Italian woman
Two French men and one French woman
Two German men and one German woman
Two Greek men and one Greek woman
Two English men and one English woman
Two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman
Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman
Two Chinese men and one Chinese woman
Two Irish men and one Irish woman
Two American men and one American woman
One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted
islands in the
middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian
woman..
The two French men and the French woman are living happily
together in
a manage a trois.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of
alternating visits
with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek
woman is
cleaning and cooking for them.
The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce
them to the
English woman.
The two Bulgarian men took one look at the Bulgarian woman
and started
swimming to another island.
The two Japanese have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting
instructions.
The two Chinese have opened a convenience store, restaurant,
laundry,
and have gotten the woman pregnant in order to supply
employees for their
store.
The two Irish men divided the island into north and south
and set up a
distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture
because it gets
somewhat foggy after a few liters of coconut whiskey.
However, they are
satisfied because the English aren't having any fun.
The two American men are contemplating suicide, because the
American
woman will not shut up and complains relentlessly about her
body, the
true nature of feminism, what the sun is doing to her skin,
how she can
do anything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the
equal division
of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look
fat, how her
last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer
than they do,
how her relationship with her mother is the root of all her
problems and
why didn't they bring a damn cell phone so she could call
911 and get
them all rescued off this Godforsaken deserted island in the
middle of
freaking nowhere so she can get her nails done and go
shopping.

BE SURE AND READ THE WHOLE THING.
Subject: Male Chain Letter
This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged men. Unlike most chain letters, this one doesn't cost anything!
Just send a copy of this letter to five of your male friends who are equally tired and discontent. Then bundle up your wife and/or girlfriend and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the following list, and add your name to the bottom of the list.
When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 women. One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have.
At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184 women, four of whom were worth keeping.
This chain also brings good luck. One man's pit bull died, and the next day he received a Playboy playmate.
An unmarried man living with his widowed mother was able to choose between a Hooter's waitress and a Hollywood super< /SPAN> model.
You can be lucky too, but DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN! One man broke the chain and got his wife back again.
Let's keep it going, men! Just add your name to the list below.
----------------------
Bill Clinton
780 3rd Ave
New York , NY 10017
Billy Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York , NY 10017
Billie Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York , NY 10017
B. Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York , NY 10017
William Jefferson Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York , NY 10017
W. Jefferson ! Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10017
W. Jeff Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10017
W. J. Clinton 780 3rd Ave.
New York , NY 10017
W. Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10017
William J Clinton
780 3r d Ave.
New York , NY 10017
Willem Clinton
! 780 3rd Ave.
< /SPAN>New York , NY 10017
Wilhelm Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York , NY 10017
Billy Clinton
780 3rd Ave. !
New York , NY 10017
Willie Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York , NY 10017
Will Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10017
Mr. Hillary Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York , NY 10017

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as
the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
>
> Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the
> well needed to be covered up anyway;
> it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
>
> He invited all his neighbors to come over and
> help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began
> to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the
> donkey realized what was happening and cried
> horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he
> quieted down.
>
> A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally
> looked down the well. He was astonished at what
> he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his
> back, the donkey was doing something amazing.
> He would shake it off and take a step up.
>
> As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel
> dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it
> off and take a step up.
>
> Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey
> stepped up over the edge of the well and bit the farmer
who had tried to bury him.
>
> The gash from the bite got infected and
> the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.
>
MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:
>
> When you do something wrong, and try to cover
> your azz, it always comes back to bite you.
>