You HAVE to get a custom “Shut Your Whore Mouth” rock. You HAVE to!!! That would just add to the awesomeness that is you! You can even update your twitter pic to stand in front of it with your chain saw!!

Dancing penis clowns might get you put on a sex predator/creepy neighbor list, but it’d be worth a laugh. Side note, I have never been too scared of the clowns until I saw an episode of Bones where the killer ran around in a clown mask.

My great-aunt and great-uncle have a grotto in their frint yard with a plater of Paris statue of the Blessed Virgin in white against a bright blue background. My parents are devout to smorgasbord (mom is devout, while dad is more smorgasbord) Catholics, but they are so freaked out by this display that they will no longer visit this particular set of relatives at home. We usually meet at mutual relative who live between our house and theirs. I think I should buy these relatives a life-sized cros cross complete with thorn-crowned ad suffering Jesus just to see if they;ll put it up in their grotto.

I see how both the clown and Jesus would totally work, but I’m wondering how the penis dances to YMCA. Assuming this isn’t a double-penised clown, will he also be using one hand or maybe his ballsack? Practicalities have to be considered when your garden’s decoration is at stake.

Kind of awesome, right? No matter how intense my desire for male attention gets, it pisses me the fuck off when I am *obviously* writing and trying to work on something that has nothing to do with them.