Monday, May 23, 2011

Summer is for new beginnings

We received an e-mail from the social worker that is the primary case manager for our "type" of adoption (infant domestic) letting us know that she will be leaving the agency. It makes me sad because I really liked Kate and know that she knows who we are. We wouldn't be a book to her but rather a couple that she took through the home study process. June 9th Kates last day with our agency will mark 8 months and 2 days of waiting. So besides getting a new case manager who ever they may be our summer will be filled with many things to keep our minds off of our wait.

So one thing that i'm trying to do to start fresh is trying to change my attitude. Rather then looking at our "situation" as something that has happened TO us but rather something that we have chosen. Its hard in our (DH and myself) lines of work not to look at the drunk pregnant lady or the women that has not a clue that giving kool aid to her baby is not healthy and think "how did they GET a baby." We have choices we had options and we picked our path based on what was right for us. Its hard over a year after starting the home study process to remember what it was that made us PICK our path. Knowing that it would be impossible for me to "pick" an embryo to survive and terminate the others is something that would be challenging for me. It also would have been devastating to have gone through medical procedures only to find myself without a baby. At least at this point although our wait time is undetermined we know there is a baby just for us.

Tonight we fount one of our co-workers has chosen the name we picked for a girls name. Oh well I guess there maybe two girls with the same name. Life goes on. I think with my new perspective it allows me to realize that I have a choice in how I react to news like that. The couple did not pick the name to hurt me. I can have a moment of envy but it will not change our choice.

This is a summer for owning our decision and being happy with it. Happy for the time we have to take trips, enjoy unexpected adventures and wait for the phone call that will turn our world upside down in the best of ways.