1) How does your film actually start? To me it feels as if we're missing an establishing shot of the whole environment; we need to be shown the space; we need to get a sense of it being utopian and benign - like walking through a garden, before the pest arrives to f**k everything up. I'd suggest you're missing about 8 secs of happy, peaceful establishing stuff before the action begins.

2) Your virus voices are largely inaudible; as you're relying on them to contextualise the action, you need to ensure we're not working hard to understand them (think Reservoir Dogs in Lecture Theatre 1!). You need to strike a better balance between audibility and menace. Right now, I'm struggling to soak up what they're saying.

3) @ around 22 secs, there's something glitchy about the virus's movement just before we move to the next shot; there's a last erratic movement just before the cut that looks like a mistake; you should seek to smooth this out.

4) @ 48 secs - when the virus produces the black sphere; this moment is over with too quickly; the staging of this seems anti-climatic to me; it doesn't feel harmful or significant, so in terms of staging this moment, you might want to think about giving it more presence and more impact; for example, just getting the camera closer to the black sphere as it's produced; think about this as a combination of shots for example, including a close-up of it emerging? This would give you opportunities for more expressive sound by which to accompany this section. At the moment, it does feel a little bit as if the virus drops a pea - "oops!"

5) I don't much like the cross-dissolve at 59 secs; feels messy to me; just use a hard edit instead to keep it more confident and clean: in terms of staging this moment in your film, it does feel as if we're too far away from what's happening; again; can you use a greater variety of shots to give this 'spawning' moment a bit more drama? At the moment, it's as if we're watching this bit from a long way away...

6) What's with the faux-American accents for the good guys? :( It all gets a bit 'Alvin and the Chipmunks'...

7) I HATE the music in this sequence, Ryan - it's like the sort of thing you'd hear in a corporate training video about the right way to carry a stepladder: you need to go much more filmic, much more propulsive; this is an action sequence; find some music that drives the action and the editing!

Obviously, there's lots of good stuff in here too, and you've clearly worked hard on establishing your world and characters, but just think again about possibilities for more dynamic staging in terms of your 'action sequences', ditch the American chimpmunks and think more imaginatively about voice characterisation; ensure whatever we're being told is completely audible; think about your actual beginning of your film (for example, does it have a title?) and, in light of what we talked about this afternoon, think about your ending... Onwards, Ryan!