Are you the proprietor of a popular New Jersey watering hole? Are you sick and tired of the cast of MTV’s Jersey Shore coming into your establishment and causing a ruckus — disrupting the other patrons with all their drinking and fighting and hair product fumes? Do you sit around and shake your fist toward the heavens while shouting, “How — HOW — Lord, can I rid myself of these scoundrels? If not permanently, then at least for, oh, say, two years? I’LL DO ANYTHING”? Well, I have good news for you. It turns out all you have to do is give them, like, a total sh-t-ton of liquor, wait for them to make a spectacle of themselves, then bitch about it to Jersey’s booze cops.

New Jersey’s Division of Alcoholic Beverage Control on Thursday announced a settlement that bars Deena Cortese from Spicy Cantina & Mexican Grille in Seaside Heights. […]

The state says Cortese and a film crew spent 90 minutes inside the restaurant, during which she walked on the bar, fell down and stood on someone’s table while they were eating. [NY Daily News]

The Daily News report goes on to say that the bar in question will have to pay a $15,000 fine for continuing to serve her after she was “visibly intoxicated,” but if you do the math, that works out to like $20 a day to keep her drunken, meal-interrupting behind out of their bar for the duration of her two-year ban. When you look at it that way, it’s really an incredible bargain.