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Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Ship Of Fools

Today is April Fools Day. I have always enjoyed an innocent prank on this day until I experienced a betrayal.

5 years ago today we were overjoyed from the phone call we got that there was a bed at the local children's hospital for our son.

Little did we know the shit storm we were in for.

Trey almost had the opportunity to ride in a helicopter but he ended up in an ambulance, with me in the passenger seat wishing I were back in the cab with him. I witnessed cars not pulling aside for the sirens and the driver driving over curbs to get him there. John drove by himself, opting to let me "ride with him" and when we got there, the nurse in the ambulance said that he had "an attitude problem" on the way there which meant he had to be stabilized. Maybe that is the reason why they didn't allow me back there. I said to her, "Little asshole!", and she hugged me laughingly and said, "Don't lose that sense of humor in this situation."

When we got to the children's hospital, I was desperate to find my husband which was a difficult feat considering the understandable res tape you have to get through in any children's hospital.

When I did find him, we could not see Trey because he was getting "settled in" which means stabilization and evaluation. When we finally could see him it was fairly short, then the doctors whisked us away for a chat. That is when our bubbles burst, the day that should've been a celebration and hope for our son's health fell to pieces.

"We have a feeling you haven't been told the whole story."

The Dean of Medicine of the NICU nodded his head.

Our hearts sank.

My mind fogged.

We had been fooled on the day we finally had hope.

To this day I have to ask my husband to translate what the doctors said even though I know what I know now. He had to explain it over and over because he is left brained and he gets it.

My heart did not get it and refused to get it.

My brain knew.

But despite our hearts feeling and our brains knowing, he still lied to us. Trey was dying all along.