Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Called to the Principal's Office

Now you may or may not know why I called you in here. I must inform you that your actions today will influence my decision whether or not to call your parents and tell them why you are wasting their well earned $55,000 a year on this institution.

Your teachers and roommates have lodged several complaints. We at Chapley Hall are future captains of industry, men of power and action.

We are not, and I quote:

Gilligan’s brotherHalf birdA mutant with the ability to catch on fire by eating sunflower seedsWe are not sunflower seeds

Am I getting through to you?

We men of Chapley do not also:

Have the ability to fly after eating beansWe do not have secret Mongolian Kings as father’s

We are not fanciful.

Mr. Clint, all that you have done at this institution is create fancy and fantastical. I hereby am placing you on probation until you appear to have remorse for all the above and painting the words, “Captain Hamburger” on all your uniforms.