The things I think are mistakes or oversights or whatever on his part . . . he knows.

It’s all been deliberate, these little ways he takes care of me. It’s not that he’s not paying attention, it’s that he is. He knows.

I am trying to get all this down before I forget how much he loves me, how much he cares, how close we are, how much he knows.

Tonight, BFD called me so happily because he met one of my friends at his class. I have been recruiting people for him, and they all start next week. My friend showed up tonight, just to check stuff out and see what was up. He met the manager, who then introduced him to BFD. Amazing, right?

BFD was so happy to meet him, see he was a cool guy, admire him for his enthusiasm and commitment, etc. He was even happier with me because I explained my rationale for why I invited this guy and the others, and he was so happy he said “wonderful!” He was just excited about the whole thing and at the wonderful job I had done in recruiting. He just kept telling me how impressed he was at my thinking. He was happy and impressed and proud. Which is awesome.

He asked what I was working on, so I told him, and he kind of shut me down. He said, listen Plan, you need a commissionable event. Stop working on this stuff, and finish my project. How does it look? So I told him and it was good. I mentioned that I was having a cash flow problem.

He said, yes, I know, you missed a car payment . . . (which I did last week and hoped he hadn’t noticed yet). He said, do you still want the car? I said of course, but I am having a cash flow problem, and it should come in soon (I walked him through the whole scenario). I asked if he wanted me to give him back the car. He said, look I am just busting your chops, this is not about business, and I said, well, it is for me, I want you to know I respect you and the business of it, and then the real deal came out and I knew he knew . . . “[Plan], I haven’t even cashed your [first] check.”

Right.

He’s held it for over a month and not cashed it because he knew I was broke. He never said a word about it. I just thought he wasn’t paying attention, but he knew the whole time and held it for me. I, out of respect for him, have suffered with no money or borrowed money from my friends rather than touch the money sitting in my account.

It was always still there, waiting for him, because I respect him and I respect our deal. But he knew and he never said anything.

We spoke about the receivable I am owed that is causing so much stress for me. He thought the client owed me a few hundred, but I corrected that it was a few thousand. He offered to call them for me . . . or go down there. (Love him!)

I said, look, I am stressed all the time as a result. I explained what happened and I told him my strategy to deal with the receivable. He said, don’t do that, I will lend you 4k if it doesn’t come in by Friday.

I said, well, this is how I was going to handle it, and he was sort of insulted, I think, that I did not come to him. He said, it would be a favor, and I would be happy to do it. I told him okay, but I only want 2k.

We spoke about his favorite business idea for me, which is adorable and sexy and he is sort of serious and sort of not. (And no, it’s not for me to go into film . . .)

Thinking about the conversation now, I was just writing him an email to say “thank you” and I have tears running down my face. I am so grateful to him for knowing and for not saying anything, for taking care of me without humiliating me, for being there when I had no idea he was even paying attention.

I don’t know how I became such a freaking idiot. I don’t know why I didn’t know.

The whole time . . . he knew. He protected me, he had my back. He has been here for me the whole time, waiting to step in, waiting to save me.

I just cannot believe he knows. I cannot believe how wonderful he is or how much he cares for me or how much he loves me.