"Like the fantasy of being thin, the desire to be pretty is backed by a multi-billion dollar industry and untold numbers of daily encounters with people who’ve swallowed the social pressures whole and made them their own mission to prescribe. Girls who desire a piece of the pretty pie aren’t misguided, inherently frivolous or lacking in ambition. They want to do stuff; it’s just they’ve internalised the message that they must look good doing it for it to count for anything. And that is why the right to be ugly — the right to do and be without being gazed upon and always found wanting — is worth defending."

"in some ways i find some of these blogs, like people, to be safe. they tread lightly, hoping to not rock the boat so much. i continue reading, hoping that i might learn something different; i might not have to sift through largely unoriginal material, i might not have to read (or not read) dumps of instagrammed photos without a narrative of any sort, i might not have to see blogs started four months ago with huge sponsorships and millions of followers when they spend multiple posts talking about minutiae (new wrinkles on their faces, what they ate for each meal that weekend, gratuitous pictures of their pugs). i stumble on these blogs because i hope they might have something to teach me, but quality shouldn’t be inferred by clicking on their link after seeing an overdone “ooh, cute!” comment on a favorite blog, but anyways. back at the ranch."

I recently happened upon this post on The Paris Review, an interview with Mary Karr on The Art of Memoir 1, and this excerpt resonated with me the most:

INTERVIEWER

So when you’re writing a memoir, you can’t allow yourself to be an unreliable narrator?

KARR

You have constantly to question, Is this fair? No life is all bleak. Even in Primo Levi’s camp, there were small sources of hope: you got on the good work detail, or you got on the right soup line. That’s what’s so gorgeous about humanity. It doesn’t matter how bleak our daily lives are, we still fight for the light. I think that’s our divinity. We lean into love, even in the most hideous circumstances. We manage to hope.

And then one day, you walk into a house party and find love. Despite the tears and all the time, it feels sudden. It's so suprising that all it took was this one moment! A moment that will forever separate the "before" and "after."

Really, that's all we're waiting for ... just one. One moment. One person.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

When I first saw Titanic in the third grade, I was mesmerized by Kate Winslet's beauty. She was gorgeous and, even at the ripe age of seven, I knew she was different than other actresses. She was real. Ever since then, so many of her films have become my all-time favorites (The Reader, The Holiday, Finding Neverland...the list goes on.). She's the type of actress I respect profusely; fantastic at her craft, and honest about life. She's truly someone I am proud to see on magazine covers; someone I look up to when it comes to body image.

“I was a wayward child, very passionate and very determined. If I made up my mind to do something, there was no stopping me.”“Yes, my life is incredible but oh my god, I have to work at it. It’s the same for any working woman. You run and you work and you try not to let anything drop.”

“There are moments to indulge and enjoy, but I always know when it’s time to go home and wash my knickers.”

“As a child, I never heard one woman say to me: ‘I love my body.’ Not my mother, my elder sister, my best friend. Not one woman has ever said: ‘I am so proud of my body.’ So, I make sure I say it to Mia, because a positive physical outlook has to start from a very early age.”

“I'd much rather be known as some curvy Kate than as some skinny stick.”

“Nobody is perfect. I just don't believe in perfection. But I do believe in saying, 'This is who I am and look at me not being perfect!' I'm proud of that.”

“There's more to life than cheekbones.”

“I need to be looked after. I’m not talking about diamond rings and nice restaurants and fancy stuff—in fact, that makes me uncomfortable. I didn’t grow up with it and it’s not me, you know. But I need someone to say to me, ‘Shall I run you a bath?’ or ‘Let’s go to the pub, just us.’”

“I do think it’s important for young women to know that magazine covers are retouched. People don’t really look like that. In films I might look glamorous, but I’ve been in hair and make-up for two hours.”

“Even now I do not consider myself to be some kind of great, sexy beauty. I don’t mind the way I’m ageing. No reason to panic just yet. I think I look my age, and that’s fine. The lord God almighty has done me proud with my features which I'm proud of and have no desire to alter them. I say ‘let nature take its course.’”

“I don't feel like a movie star in my life at all, and I don't particularly think I behave like one. I don't have my own plane. I don't have a chef or a trainer. To me, you're a movie star only during the time when you're at the Academy Awards or at an important glamorous event. It's very much a hat that you wear, and as soon as the event's over, that hat comes off. I'm back to being me and being Mommy, and that's my priority. ”

“When you're the mother of small children, life becomes a holiday.”

“Life is short, and it is here to be lived.”(Oh, Kate. You're such an inspiration.)(above graphic by me.)

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Rachel has an eye for picking out the most beautiful, creative spaces to share.

Here are some of my absolute favorites:

(click through for original post on Rachel's blog.)

Since I am moving out soon, and living on my own for the first time (since the dorm days), I am getting really excited to make a space in my apartment where I can solely write and create. (Opposed to the couch... ;)Eek, so much inspiration—A girl can dream, right?

Monday, August 27, 2012

"She remembered what hope was, and this was it. That inner churning that moves you forward, plows you through life the way the boats below plowed the shiny water, the way the plane was plowing forward to a place new, and where she was needed."

Sunday, August 26, 2012

I am a bit finicky when it comes to blog ideas. I used to do Sunday Sweets, which I loved and will someday start back up again, and I did Pin Love, which was essentially a spin-off of Sunday Sweets, but I just couldn't get into it. Anyway...

...I'll get to the point(!) I've created a bit of a compromise:

A new weekly series: "This is the dream I'm working on."

This will feature things that I daydream about, things that I'm working toward...etc. (I know, the title is creative, right? ;)

So let's get down to it!

I've watched so many women in my life raise kids while juggling 100 other things in the meantime. I am always mesmerized by their gusto.(Because after babysitting, I'm usually ready to crawl into bed and not come out for a good twelve hours.. :)

I just hope that I'm able to find that balance (and the energy!) when I have kids someday.

And most of all, that I can be a mom that my little ones look up to, just like I look up to my mama.

Friday, August 24, 2012

James: Usually mid to late high school, I guess (so... 15-18), but it's not uncommon to be a bit before or after that, either. That said, it's a very different type of date then to the sort I'd go on nowadays.

LROL: Who asks whom on a date, normally?James: The guy, of course! Well, that's not entirely true. I've been 'asked out' a few times by girls previously, I suppose, but in a very informal, casual way. I think this is becoming more common (and props to those who do it!).

LROL: What is a typical first date like?

James: Back in high school it was usually together with other friends, maybe to the movies or swimming pool. Post-school, it's more likely dinner or drinks, or even just a coffee at a cafe. I'm a big cafe fan, it's much more relaxed!

LROL: What is culturally "expected" of you and your date?

James: Nothing in particular, just getting to know each other a bit better and sussing out whether you want to have another date.

LROL: Who decides what the date will be?

James: Generally whoever asks, but not always. Like, if the askee can't make the proposed time, they might make a counter-suggestion.

LROL: Who pays?

James: More often than not the guy, but I've had girls jump in to pay for themselves before I had a chance to say otherwise. For dates further down the track, it's more of a pay-for-yourself or take-turns kind of thing, which I like.

LROL: What are the post-date norms?

James: I had a discussion with my (female) housemate just the other day about the "3-day rule"... We both think it's very silly. But everyone has differing opinions about who should do what, and I'm sure some still adhere to older rules like that. I think it depends on how the date went - how/when you get in contact says a lot about how you feel.

LROL: What would you change about the dating culture of where you live?

James: My city isn't so big, which makes it a little awkward - everyone knows someone you know! Also I dislike it when things are too formal - not a 'proper' date fan, to be honest, but I usually can manage to avoid them.

LROL: What do you like about the dating culture of where you live?

James: There isn't too much pressure on either party, which is nice. It's often more of a "we'll just see how this goes..." kind of thing.

LROL: What was your best date?

James:It was in Sweden, actually - we went out for lunch and enjoyed chatting so much that we ended up having afternoon tea and dinner together, too!

LROL: And your worst?

James: Probably the most 'proper' date I've been on, I got a bit dressed up to go out to dinner at a restaurant. I felt rather awkward, and she was nice but we just didn't have very much in common.

LROL: Anything you'd like to add that I forgot to ask?

James: I feel like I should add some sort of disclaimer. I really don't have a lot of 'dating' experience ('dating' seems a little outdated to me... I see how it could be appealing, but I prefer things to be much less formal), and of course I can't speak for the whole of my city, let alone country.

Thanks James! It's great to see things from the male perspective sometimes. I think it's so funny that so many of us think the three-day rule is a bit bogus, yet we all follow it to some extent! ; )

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

I can't decide how I feel about the popular nail trends for Fall 2012. I love the look of the model's dark purple nails pictured above, but I worry it'd look like I have plum-stained fingertips if I were to try it. (I'm so weird.)

I recently bought a few bottles of Wet N Wild nail polish and it actually lasts longer on my nails than any other brand I have--- buying it may feel like a flashback to 3rd grade, but at 99 cents a bottle, who cares?!

Britta: It varies. Some people go on their first dates when they're around the age of 13 some a lot later, around the age of 17 or 18.

LROL: Who asks whom on a date, normally?Britta: I think most girls would want to the boy to ask them but often they get too impatient and so they take the first step.

LROL: What is a typical first date like?

Britta: Many of my friends just went into town for ice cream or something, to keep it casual. I think what you do on your first date depends on how well you already know each other. But I guess the typical thing is to go to the cinema or for drinks. Often people do something in larger groups to just get to know each other and not have the pressure of a one-on-one date.

LROL: What is culturally "expected" of you and your date?

Britta: I think in Europe there are not as many "rules" when it comes to dates compared to the States. Most people just do what they feel like without being concerned what others might think.

LROL: Who decides what the date will be?

Britta: Both, I think. But I personally like it when the guy comes up with a nice plan for the date.

LROL: Who pays?

Britta: Some guys offer to pay on the first date, but quite often everyone pays for themselves or you take turns. I think it depends on what you do as well. If you go out for drinks it is cheaper compared to cinema admissions or a dinner.

LROL: What are the post-date norms?

Britta: There isn't really a 3-day rule, but I think people try not to call too soon, to not give an over-eager impression.

LROL: What would you change about the dating culture of where you live?

Britta: In Germany there isn't really a dating culture like you know it from American movies (picking up the girl at her house, bringing flowers etc), which I think is a pity sometimes. There could be more chivalry if you ask me.

LROL: What do you like about the dating culture of where you live?

Britta: It is quite casual and so dates are really relaxed usually.

LROL: What was your best date?

Britta:My first date. We went to a funfair. The guy turned out to be pretty boring but he paid for a carrousel ride, which I found really sweet at that time.

LROL: And your worst?

Britta: My date and I went to a mountain near our town. It was a beautiful scenery but we didn't really got on. We were a bit far away from the town, so the date lasted quite long which was painful as there was a lot of awkward silence. As wouldn't that have been enough he tried to kiss me a few times until I told him that he should please stop and stay away from me...

LROL: Anything you'd like to add that I forgot to ask?

Britta: No :)

Thanks Britta! It's good to know these things before I embark on my next European adventure. I feel like we're a bit too high-strung about dating here in the States, maybe I'll have better luck in Germany. ; )

Friday, August 10, 2012

Laena: Since I am now in my late twenties, I'm really not sure when people start dating. I know my dad always told me I couldn't date until I was 35, so I guess I'm disobeying every time I go out (sorry, Dad). I'm living in South Florida now, but I'm actually from Colorado, so everything is very new and different to me down here. If I had to guess, based on what I see, people start dating as early as 13 years old.

LROL: Who asks whom on a date, normally?Laena: Down here, tradition is out the window. There are no rules about who asks whom. In fact, it almost seems the girls ask more frequently than they guys. The guys are outnumbered, and I think they know it. They seem to sit back and enjoy the advantage, and "let the ladies come" to them. Blech!

Unfortunately, I am a traditionalist and a hopeless romantic and can't see myself asking a guy on a date. Ever. It has been interesting trying to survive as a romantic in a very unromantic part of the world.

LROL: What is a typical first date like?

Laena: In South Florida, there are a lot of clubs and bars. A first date is often not really a date at all, but a "meet up" at a club or a bar. It's really very informal. If you click at the bar, you move forward; if not, both parties move on. Clubs make it very easy to do just that. Occasionally, a first date will be the traditional dinner date, but more often, it's just drinks and/or dancing.

LROL: What is culturally "expected" of you and your date?

Laena: It's difficult to say what's "culturally expected" here. South Florida is such a mix of cultures that it really depends who you end up dating. Sometimes, it is very clear that the cost of the date is split 50-50, and other times, I have been out with someone who refuses to let me pay for anything. Ever.

As for physical expectations, that kind of depends on the culture too, but I'd definitely say people down here are more physical than anywhere else I've been. It's typical to kiss "hello" down here (even strangers), so at the very least, you can expect to get a hug and a kiss from your date.

LROL: Who decides what the date will be?

Laena: Generally, the person who asks plans.

LROL: Who pays?

Laena: As I said, it depends. Men from certain cultural backgrounds will pay every time. Others won't even offer.

LROL: What are the post-date norms?

Laena: Sex on the first date is very, very common. Sex is very casual down here. I've known many people who have several "friends with benefits" but no boyfriends/girlfriends. South Florida has this whole beach/party culture that seems to remove inhibition. People generally want to do what feels good, live in the moment, have fun. Sex is usually seen as just that. Not for me, but that's the norm.

LROL: What would you change about the dating culture of where you live?

Laena: If I had it my way, it would be much more traditional--dinner dates, walks on the beach, actually getting to know someone. I realize I'm not really in the best location for that. I think it's sad. It is extremely difficult to have any kind of real relationship with someone because there is very little interest in commitment or spending real time together.

LROL: What do you like about the dating culture of where you live?

Laena: I guess I appreciate that it is relaxed, and I like that it often involves music and the beach. I love that there is a strong Latin culture here, so lots of Latin dancing.

LROL: What was your best date?

Laena:Once, I had a guy invite me to his house and cook for me. He made New York strips with a mushroom sauce and served it with a salad. He was really proud of the dinner he had made, and wanted it to be special. I loved it! Afterward, we went out on the deck and watched the sunset and then came inside to watch a movie. Even though we were at his house, there was never any pressure to do anything physical. It was all just very sweet. We actually fell asleep on the couch watching the movie, and then he apologized that he had kept me out so late when we both woke up and I finally left around 3AM.

LROL: And your worst?

Laena: It was a second date with this guy I was trying to give a chance. He was really nice, but I was not feeling it. However, I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. I thought that maybe he was nervous on the first date. So on the second date, we met at the restaurant he picked, and on the way there, I came up with a list of questions and conversation topics because he hardly spoke the first time. TONS of awkward silence. So this time, I would be prepared. Sadly, his one word answers got us through my list before they even served our appetizers. It was a really long night. Then, when the bill came, I pulled out my wallet and offered to pay, but he told me not to worry about it (I thought that was very nice... I like when the guy pays). The server came and took his card with the bill and then didn't come back for a LONG time. I kept thinking this was torture! I just want to go home! The server finally came back and informed us that my date's card had been declined. Declined! Seriously!!??? So I ended up paying for both of us. He apologized and promised to take me out again to make up for it. I politely declined when he called for that third date.

“[If someone is between you and something you want to do] I suggest you model your strategy after the old Sesame Street film piece “Over! Under! Around! Through!”

“A wise friend once told me, 'Don’t wear what fashion designers tell you to wear. Wear what they wear.'”

“When faced with sexism or ageism or lookism or even really aggressive Buddhism, ask yourself the following question: "Is this person in between me and what do I want to do?" If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when you're in charge, don't hire the people who were jerky to you.”

“As an improviser, I always find it jarring when I meet someone in real life whose first answer is no. “No, we can’t do that.” “No, that’s not in the budget.” “No, I will not hold your hand for a dollar.” What kind of way is that to live?”

“Say yes, and you'll figure it out afterward" has helped me to be more adventurous. It has definitely helped me be less afraid.”

“This is one of the weird things about motherhood. You can predict that some of your best moments will happen around the toilet at six am while you're holding a pile of fingernail clipping like a Santeria priestess.”

“This is what I tell young women who ask me for career advice. People are going to try to trick you. To make you feel that you are in competition with one another. 'You’re up for a promotion. If they go for a woman, it’ll be between you and Barbara.' Don’t be fooled. You’re not in competition with other women. You’re in competition with everyone.”

“Somewhere around the fifth or seventh grade I figured out that I could ingratiate myself to peopleby making them laugh. Essentially, I was just trying to make them like me. But after a while it became part of my identity.”

“If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is: who cares?”

“Some people say 'Never let them see you cry.' I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.”

“Follow your fear which in improv usually leads to someone making you sing an improvised song or rap, which is the worst thing that can happen. But the larger thing is the notion that if something scares you a bit, it means that you should follow it a little bit. Now, 'follow your fear' does not mean that you should get in the car with a weirdo in a small parking lot. But it does mean that there are moments in your life when something comes up, a chance to move to a new city, or the chance to study in another continent, read your short story out loud, and you feel a lot of fear. And that fear means that you should definitely do it.”

“Don’t be too precious or attached to anything you write. Let things be malleable. For sketch writers, remember they’re called sketches for a reason. They’re not called oil paintings. Some of them are going to stink. You have to let them stink.”

“I regularly ate health food cookies so disgusting that when I enthusiastically gave one to Rachel Dratch, she drew a picture of a rabbit and broke the cookie into a trail of tiny pieces coming out of the rabbit’s butt.”

“We’ve all worked with that person. That person is a drag. It’s usually the same person around the office who says things like 'There’s no calories in it if you eat it standing up!' and 'I felt menaced when Terry raised her voice.'”

“When people say, 'You really, really must' do something, it means you don't really have to. no one ever says, 'You really, really must deliver the baby during labor.' When it's true, it doesn't need to be said.”

“You have to let people see what you wrote. It will never be perfect, but perfect is overrated. Perfect is boring.”

“Make statements also applies to us women: Speak in statements instead of apologetic questions. No one wants to go to a doctor who says, 'I’m going to be your surgeon? I’m here to talk to you about your procedure? I was first in my class at Johns Hopkins, so?' Make statements, with your actions and your voice.”

“I am constantly amazed by Tina Fey. And I am Tina Fey.”

(I am always inspired by Tina Fey, her confidence is admirable.)Read Tina Fey's hilarious/sweet prayer for her daughter Meg posted on her blog.)(above graphic by me.)

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

“You deserve to look for love, if that’s what you want, and be ready to accept it when it comes your way. You might find yourself overwhelmed and even briefly in disbelief when you realize that someone actually loves you for who you are and wants nothing more than to be with you, but you should be able to embrace that unconditional caring with your own. You should wrap your arms around them and cover them with your whole body — flesh, bone, the ugly little cracks and scars that they can’t stop kissing — and know that you are a good person, who is worthy of such joy. You deserve not to question every person who gives you a compliment or tells you that you’re wonderful, not to wonder if they have some ulterior motive, or if you are somehow the victim of an elaborate prank. You should realize that you are worth loving because you are ready to love back."

Thursday, August 2, 2012

The tumblr Little Texts, Little Musings is one of my new favorite finds. It is a collection of quotes and prose that are compiled into a wonderful collection of text with bouts of highlighter markings. You can submit there, too.

The images are added from various tumblrs, because I can't help but share photos I've found and loved. You can click through for their sources.

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I can dwell on font choices for hours, make a mean pb&j, and sometimes, when I'm feeling brave, I like to rock red lipstick. I am a University of Kansas alumna (I earned degrees in German and Journalism in May 2012) and a former au pair

(I lived and worked in Eckernförde, Germany in 2011). I lived in Munich for one wonderful year; moved back to Kansas for 8 months; and then back to Germany I went. I've been in Hamburg since October of 2014. I am a copywriter by day and a wannabe memoirist by night. This is where I chronicle my adventures, ponders, heartaches, triumphs, favorite finds, and everything in between. I'm so happy you're here!