Your Toddler's Hunger Pangs

Updated: March 2, 2015

Dealing with a baby's bottles, burps, and spit-up can seem like a breeze compared to feeding an unpredictable toddler.

Your child once gobbled up anything you set in front of him, but now that he's turned into a 16-month-old, he suddenly has definite opinions about what will (and what won't) cross his lips. He may mystify you by eating like a linebacker one day and a ladybug the next or convince you that his food intake has dwindled to the point where he's somehow surviving on air.

Toddlers are notoriously picky and unpredictable eaters. But while it's frustrating when your little one rejects a previously beloved food (or just about anything you dish up), know that he will never starve himself intentionally. That's because before the age of four or so, kids do an excellent job of regulating their own appetites. They eat when they're hungry and stop when they're full (don't you wish we could all do that?).

The truth is, no amount of bribery, pleading, or pressure will help (it will actually hurt and can lead to eating problems later), so don't try it. Neither will standing on your head or doing the "it's so yummy" cha-cha. While it's a wonderful idea to make mealtimes fun, skip the song-and-dance routine, lest he come to expect a performance at every meal. Offer lots of nutritious choices — some familiar, some new — and know that when he's hungry, he will eat. And if, like many toddlers, he's finicky about foods touching one another on his plate ("yucky!") or arriving imperfect ("cracker broken!"), it's okay to indulge these whims. They'll pass soon enough, especially if you don't make a big deal out of them.

For some toddlers, the "what" of eating isn't the issue — it's the "how." Many, it seems, would rather perish of hunger than be forced to sit in a high chair for one more second. And most make a terrible mess with each meal, given their underdeveloped ability to manage a spoon or fork. For the former problem, make adjustments where you can: Try a booster seat instead of a high chair, or even a kid-sized table and chair of his own; keep him company when he's eating; and excuse him from the table when it's clear he's had enough. Try to allow natural consequences to reinforce the message that we sit at the table when we eat: If he's hungry after abandoning his meal, have him return to his seat to finish it, rather than snacking while he plays.

And for your messy do-it-himselfer? Install a "splat mat" under his chair and go with the flow. It's important for him to learn this skill, for both practical (you can't spoon-feed him forever) and psychological reasons (this is another way for him to assert his growing independence). Yup, it's messy and takes forever — but that's part of the joy of raising children!