I SUMMON THE REDDIT GODS TO HELP THIS MAN

This might seem harsh…but bear with me. What if I asked you the following question :Have you ever thought about committing suicide?

Well…I know I did, many times. For some reason I never did it. Probably because I was religious and my mother had nothing left beside her two sons. What I am sharing here are things that I never told to anyone, I decided to be open about my past and move forward. It is not easy to do at all but I think this is the first step that I need to overcome. Telling my story to everyone will also make me accountable, therefore I will be never be able to go back on my decision.

I have been in depression for like 10 years, mainly due to the lack of money and luck to the point where I had to repeat 3 years in college.

First year : We were a class of 9 students and I was the only one who didn’t pass.I never attended important classes, I never reviewed my courses for exams so everyone thought that I wasn’t good enough. My main professor suggested that I do something different from an engineering school because he thought I wasn’t capable enough.Second Year : I got fired from the school I was in few months before the end of the year because of how absent I was. I actually made a record of 150+ hours absence. Nothing to brag about, just showing you how awful my situation is.Third year : I just couldn’t focus this year neither, I was often absent. Not as much as before but it was still impactful enough for me to repeat my first year in my engineering school. I somehow convinced them by saying that I had to work to pay the school fees and I couldn’t study and work at the same time because of my conditions. Miraculously, I was able to repeat the year for free. Studies are the only thing where I always had luck.

No one knew anything about my problems and even my best friends thought that all of this was due to laziness. It wasn’t obvious to notice because I was always smiling, full of energy and friendly. People who look the happiest might be the ones who are suffering the most. I wasn’t putting up a front or anything. It was really who I was because I never wanted to share my problems when I wasn’t home.

This is why I am still studying even though I am 25 years old. Now I just have one year left to get my software engineering/masters degree. The first time I got a room for myself was when I was 23 years. I don’t even celebrate events anymore. Christmas? What is that? Birthday? Oh I remember…in my last birthday I had a bill with over 5000$ for the rent. Awesome, right?

Thank god I had a scholarship or I wouldn’t be able to afford anything. Geek, nerd, otaku, hikikomori (person that doesn’t go outside), you name it. I went through all of them.

I am actually embarrassed to say this as a man but I cried a lot in my life. Not because I didn’t get what I want but because I was dying inside and things were getting worse every single day without anyone there to help me.

Every year I expect something good to happen and eventually improve my daily life. But things just keep getting worse and worse as if I am punished for being the most evil person out there.

The worst part is that no one can make my situation better beside myself. My brother is still a student, my mother can’t work anymore since she had a stroke and I don’t have a father since my parents divorced when I was young. The rest of my family are in my home country and they are barely aware of what is happening to us. Our income isn’t stable at all, we barely have any savings in the bank and I won’t even speak about our debts. It hurts me to say this but I don’t even know how I am gonna end up in the next months.

My mom is one the nicest women I’ve ever seen so I learned to be generous and helpful, prioritizing other people on myself wasn’t something strange to me. Nonetheless, that never made my situation any better. Honestly, I do not wish what happened to me to anyone else, not even to the person that I hate the most. After years and years of suffering I am done with this situation and that is why I decided to change my life, either I end up a hero or die like a zero. In other words, it’s do or die.

Make a blog that will inspire other people to reach their goals as well

Reach 30.000 subscribers on youtube

Become fluent in japanese

Turn into a full-stack javascript web developer

Build a web application that will encourage people to learn japanese

Commit to the gym

Get my driving license

Read 50 books

Publish a book

Basically i want to help him get atleast one of his goals faster, he has 1 year to get out of poverty and become a better version of himself, and i thought you guys could help him, since reaching 30,000 subscribers is one of his goals

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