Manswers: The Best Of Season One

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All Rise...

Judge David Johnson has a Manswer for you! Ready? Here it is...C

The Charge

"Sometimes a dump can hurt like hell when your drop a big
load!"

The Case

So there's this show on Spike TV that poses goofy questions apparently
intended for drunken frat boys as an educational alternative to Western Civ.
This disc collects the top 25 questions and assembles them in order of
descending coolness, while a legion of perky models in tiny outfits, experts
with questionable credentials, and a narrator who just might be high on PCP
combine their mighty skills to offer up the ideal gift for the man in your life
who possesses that rare physiological condition where overactive testosterone
production enhances mild retardation.

Hey, I'm no elitist snob, and I'm all for mindless, sophomoric hijinks, but
this @#$% is just corny. Here's a sampling of the questions:

What's the best human organ to eat? What does the shape of her boobs
tell you about her personality? How can you make your girlfriend less
bitchy? Can fake boobs break during sex? How can guys get high
legally? Is the touch of death real? How many people have been
killed by vending machines? How can you take a bullet out yourself?
How big does a boob need to be to crush a beer can?

Of the 25 questions I'd say about half deal with breasts or sex, while the
others are random musings that border on the frightening like "Can you take
the dump of death?" and "Which animal is most like having sex with a
woman?" As interesting (and disturbing) as these questions might be, it's
the "Manswers" and their incredibly irritating manner of execution
that hurt my brain.

Once the question is launched, the narrator guides us through the Manswer
using lots of hyperbole and exclamation points. There are
"man-on-the-street" segments featuring clods stumbling through inane
replies, hyper-edited vignettes with slack-jawed actors and scantily-clad busty
women, and a selection of "specialists" like a lifeguard and Dr. Ava
Cadell who I'm pretty sure starred in a bunch of Andy Sidaris movies. Basically,
it's a Spike TV production.

I think it's the narrator who irks me the most, with his overwrought clever
witticisms such as:

"Getting your freak on is always hotter when you've got some huge
ta-tas to grab onto!" "Boobs are awesome!" "Hot
babes splashing in the pool! That's the only way to live!" "What
does the Italian study say about your chance of getting in her pants?" "Friday night! Time to get wasted!