Stop Hiding What Makes You Great

Is 2018 the year you step forward and present your authentic self to the world?

Do you want clients that are a better match? Customers that appreciate you? Vendors that “get” what is important to you?

Volunteer and non-profit opportunities that “click” with your values?

In my new book, Own Your BrandI explain how to use the popular LinkedIn service to present yourself and your abilities to a worldwide audience of 467 million people, following a proven step-by-step method.

The book guides you through a process that uncovers your abilities and capabilities, and helps you define yourself through specific techniques and numerous examples, just as dozens of my clients have done in the past several years.

And my old friends at Powell’s Books in Portland, Oregon are stocking it too.

What They’re Saying About Own Your Brand:

I have found that David Billstrom’s wise counsel goes to the soul of meaningful living. He is a gifted consigliere in the very best sense of providing strategic insight, tactical acumen and prescient context in the adventure of finding your authentic self.

David has the extraordinary ability to help executives and leaders learn powerful business and life lessons from others’ experience — as if we ourselves went through their journey. In this book, he’s put the skills and insights down on paper, and we’re the winners.

Almost by definition, every client I work with has plenty of experience finding employees, interviewing them, and hiring them.

A few might even have experience firing them, but not often (and that’s a topic for a different day). So they’ve got the minimum qualifications to recruit, right?

Um, well, not usually.

The “great” companies, whether they are publicly traded monoliths like Google, Intel, and Microsoft or tiny, svelt startups with halo venture capital backing, all share a common trait: the best talent wants to work there, and it is quite difficult to even get an interview at one of these companies, let alone a job. How did they get that way?

I counsel my clients recruiting talent to aim for this lofty goal: so many great candidates that you’re turning them away, picking and choosing among the talent pool to craft just the right mix of team members.

Very few entrepreneurial teams enjoy that kind of recruiting pool. But they can…

There are many components to creating a great team — company mission, leadership, awesome funding, great colleagues from the first day of company life, effective value system, and commercial success. There is nothing like the unmistakable smell of success. That brings in the stars.

But obviously a startup doesn’t have commercial success. And all will need to recruit before first revenue, let alone, profitability. But every other characteristic is achievable, even for a startup. How?

This is Sales

The first step is to confront in the reality of recruiting… is that this is just another form of sales.

And if you’ve been following along so far, you know that my definition of sales is “the effective influence of other people to do what you want, resulting in both you and them being quite happy with the outcome.”

We’re not trying to manipulate people here, and we’re certainly not seeking to get people to perform unnatural acts. But we are attempting to connect A with B, where both are happy.

And influencing people means work, and that means there needs to be a method.

More on the method in a moment — first, let’s also review another maxim: youhave to do it. The founders are best served if they themselves do the recruiting, and do it for months, if not years into the future.

Interview any successful founder, and they will recount their successes in terms of their team members. They’ll also recount that their biggest regrets are in the employees they either didn’t recruit (because they stepped away from the method) or they didn’t recruit effectively.

But Its Not Just For Founders

If you’re not the founder, there is still reason to develop recruiting skills.

The CEO that follows the founder; the second-in-command who helps lead the organization (e.g. COO, CFO, et al.) and even the department head (e.g. VP Engineering, Director of Marketing, et al.) will enjoy their job more, and experience a more successful career, if they are excellent in recruiting.

Companies are teams of people, and in most businesses and industries, the team is the key asset.

Heck, this is true in government agencies, academia, and in non-profits.

And I’ll go one step further, whether your growth has slowed, or you are doubling in size every year, you will be happier as a leader if you have a surplus of talent available in your pool of potential employees.

Always Be Recruiting

In other words, you should always be recruiting, even when you don’t currently have an opening. Whether or not you have an open position to fill today is a detail; the key is to have a talent pool.

Look around at the leaders in business and in non-profit organizations that you admire; notice that there are always talented staff that have worked with her before? They’re always recruiting.

The Method

There are just a five simple steps to my recruiting method:

#1 Write the job description. The usual classic way; I won’t belabor the point. But here is one difference: be sure to cover what you’ll accept as truly the absolute minimum qualification, so that it’s clear where the entry point is — don’t rely on a laundry list of desirable “nice to have” attributes.

At the same time, describe what you’d like “in the ideal candidate”, and don’t be afraid to dream big.

#2 Verify the job description with your team, and especially the leadership of the team. Listen carefully to their feedback, and be prepared to discuss this job in the context of other positions, both proposed and existing.

Often the discussion of the description surfaces previously latent questions about who does what; many organizations are evolving so quickly that the written descriptions haven’t kept up with reality. This is good, a sign of growth. But…

You don’t think you have enough time for this formality? Beware — in my experience the only other alternative is that the disagreement or misunderstanding about what the candidate will actually be doing… comes out during the interview process, in front of the candidate!

At best this is distracting, and at worst it can create fear, or even disgust from the candidate’s perspective. You want great candidates, they’ll sniff this out in a second. You’ve probably experienced this yourself.

In a fast-moving, high-growth organization, you might be surprised how often this happens. It is a real turn-off for the very best candidates, so get it right before they arrive.

#3 Write an advertisement, to attract candidates — and don’t publish that job description.Make it like the personals ads that ran in weekly newspapers in the 80s. While this art form has now largely atrophied, the point was to use the fewest amount of words to attract the maximum amount of candidates for a romantic date (papers charged by the word).

This generally goes better if you set aside the job description you honed in Step #2 and start with a blank piece of paper.

What is a personals ad? It has a hook or two to attract a potential date, and it describes just a bit of yourself — but the best ones keep this very brief. And above all, it contains an effective Call To Action. Less is more.

The business version of this is designed to get candidates. Not qualified employees, but candidates. Ideally your ad is so short, so relevant, so entertaining… members of your network are happy to forward it by email along to their network (more on that in a moment).

We all know the old maxim “no resume ever got a job” (only an interview). The same principle applies to job listings.

This is an ad — not a legal document that will be used 6 months from now to determine if the hired employee was successful. It is simply intended to get candidates.

Ditch the legalese… and the boilerplate.

In fact, if you detail in fine precision all the qualifications you want from the candidate, you will do a great job of attracting candidates who are obsessed with qualifications. Worse, they themselves are only impressed with companies that have lots of employees with lots of qualifications. Folks, that’s not startup material.

Let’s refine our goal: You don’t want to attract “qualified” candidates. You want to attract candidates that will perform beyond expectations and be a good fit with the team.

And publishing the job description? Way too much, too soon. It’s like handing out the answer key before the test. It’s like trying to find a spouse on the first date. Slow down, keep it light and lively.

#4 Use Your Network. Although I’m not biased against candidates that are unemployed and looking for a job (I’ve been there), in general you’d prefer candidates that aren’t really actively looking.

There are several reasons for this including: you can evaluate their recent performance, you see them in their native environment, and most importantly, you are unlikely to have to compete against other job offers, because they weren’t out collecting them.

If the candidate isn’t looking for you (because they’re employed), then you’ll have to look for them. This is easier than it sounds.

If you are a good leader, and your organization is doing interesting stuff, then I guarantee you that there are numerous people in your network who would love to have a small role in the movie called “my friend got this great job that was perfect for them.”

So after you have your ad in Step #3, then start sending it by email to selected individuals in your network.

Post it on Facebook. Put it in Linkedin.

Make it personal — so that it will be forwarded in a personal way. You want the 1:1 effect, not the broadcast method!

#5 You Do The Selection. Because your ad will be great at attracting interesting people, casting a wide net, you’ll have lots of culling to do.

This is a good thing.

You want to do the mapping of their experience to your needs — you don’t want them to do it for you, before you even get a chance to know they exist.

What I mean is that you are looking for a fit, and you know your organization best, and you know the specific challenges of the open position. An outsider and stranger would struggle to understand. So don’t let them rule you out, just because they don’t understand your team.

Cast a wide net, and look for fit, not credentials. If you get caught up in pattern-matching with traditional credentials you would miss a young Steve Jobs, young Bill Gates, and a host of other hardcore, top performers. Heck, you’d miss me.

For example, one of my clients was looking for a key employee in his new company, and understandably he listed “10 years experience as Director of Blah Blah required”. I immediately queried if he would take someone with 5 years experience if the 5 years was spent at the competing, premier company in Silicon Valley for that skill — and yes, of course he would.

Something as basic as years-of-experience is fungible. So why list it? You might miss a great candidate.

Putting It All Together

Here is a great example of a “personals ad” I saw a several years ago on an email list I was watching:

Date: Wed, Dec 1, 2010 at 4:25 PM

Subject: [SeattleTech] [JOB] Technical Program Manager at {name}

To: Seattle Tech Startups <organize@seattletechstartups.com>

{name} is hiring a Technical Program Manager

If you’re interested or have questions… I’d be more than happy to answer. But here are the important things:

You’ll be working on a product that people are paying for. They pay for it, and are happy to pay for it.

You’ll be working with a solid product team. Kick-ass and fun. Also, we’ve got years of start-up experience under our belts.

Do you like Chinese food? we do.

You’ll be working for the same guy that mentored me in my first PM roles. He’s awesome, and you’ll be a better PM and probably a better person after working for him.

We have a ton of data, and perform mind-boggling complex analytics on them. Then, we have to transform that into something that is easily digestable and understandable.

Let me know if you’re interested.

—

Adam

Okay, let’s notice a few things in this fabulous email:

First, there are no qualifications or specifics. This is not a job description. They’re keeping their cards close about who they want, but did you even notice?

If you’re a candidate… you will see the vocabulary “Technical Program Manager” and “PM” and “complex analytics” and you’ll get it, if you’re qualified in the most general sense.

While I’ve protected their identity here with the { symbols }, in the actual email it would be trivial to go visit their site and get some basic due diligence.

I would consider leaving the identity of your company completely out, so that candidates can’t go visit your site and make a decision before making contact with you.

But alternatively, if you’re in a strong position, why not let it be known… make that due diligence possible by naming names.

Second, it is personal. He wrote it like he was talking to a buddy or maybe old college friend. So I am drawn in, but at the same time its appropriate. I could have met Adam at a conference last week.

I’m going to read this, unlike most of the job openings that show up on this list… yawn, I’m too busy. By being personal it is both accessible and differentiated from the boilerplate listings.

Third, it is specific about fit. The cultural fit will determine success in a way that academic degrees and work history rarely do. While he is not specific about job qualifications, he is specific about the culture and where their startup is in the growth path… to anyone with any kind of startup experience under their belt, he’s provided the credibility… up front… that they are “successful” with specific metrics (revenue, price points).

In other words, if I have the relevant experience… I’m probably attracted to this pragmatic, upfront, open discussion of key metrics. Bingo!

Fourth, it is a sell. “you’ll be a better PM and probably a better person after working for him” — wow. Now you couldn’t say this about every open position… or could you?

As we would say in marketing, this is an explicit benefit statement… rather than the feature listing (“experienced management team”, “learning opportunities”, “opportunity for growth”, blah blah blah).

He is making an explicit conclusion about what you would get out of this gig, connecting the dots.

Fifth, a call to action. Adam offers to take questions. Note that he’s not the hiring manager. He doesn’t say send your application in to HR. He says he’ll take questions.

I don’t know what Adam will do, but I do know when I’m in this position… the moment I answer that first question, I start asking my own questions (See the chapter on Sales as Discovery).

In other words, he’s keeping the bar low and available, and if the query isn’t from a suitable candidate, that unsuitable candidate may just know others who… are suitable.

What a priceless opportunity.

Why is this “ad” so effective? It is personal, relevant, casts a wide net, and has a hook.

This is what you want to aspire towards to collect meaningful candidates, and help build the reputation of your company. If you were a potential investor, this email alone might inspire you to take a closer look at this particular company. And current team members, investors, and stakeholders might even be inspired.

There is no downside to this approach in recruiting. It is quite literally win-win-win.

In my next piece, I’ll talk about interview methodology, the next step.

“Ambiguity” — may be the largest force in the entrepreneur’s life and ecosystem. Funding, customers, product development — all beyond the control of the entrepreneur. The ability to handle ambiguity is a factor that I’ve encountered again and again in not only startups, but in real life, particularly the harsh environment of the emergency first responder.

Incomplete data, incomplete facts, partially completed product, inconclusive market data, partial context… limited time… what do you do? Is this a threat? An opportunity? A distraction best ignored?

And as a leader, is this “business as usual” or does the environment shake you to your core? render you frozen with indecision… Is ambiguity “comfortable” or at least familiar?

Is ambiguity your friend, or your foe?

In any uncertain situation whether business, or a traffic accident, I believe it is essential that the leader, or a leadership team, be comfortable with ambiguity. So how do you spot this rare animal in a leader (or potential leader)?

I couldn’t agree more. Time and again I’ve found that leaders with those qualities/attributes… do fine with ambiguity. And leaders not “comfortable” (an odd word, in this context) with ambiguity… they’ll drive themselves nutty, or at least their families. Been there, done that.

Don’t have what it takes? Don’t fret… it probably means your normal. The ability to handle ambiguity, while “impressive” in the abstract, isn’t “normal” — in fact, these leaders can be hard to live with, hard to follow, hard to understand. Don’t believe Hollywood’s projection of a leader… just because your leader is comfortable with ambiguity doesn’t mean they’re right. Or easy to follow. You may be a top performer in the leadership team precisely because you are not comfortable with ambiguity.

Most high performance teams need a combination of leaders comfortable with ambiguity, and members of the leadership team that insist on unambiguous decisions and stratetgy — wisdom and superior execution are a complicated combination of both perspectives.

One of my clients recently clued me in to what I believe is one of the secrets of increasing sales, social media marketing, and brand promotion. Yep, all in one tidy package.

Most of us know from Malcom Galdwell, Seth Godin, and other erudite observers of the human condition that word-of-mouth is one of the most effective methods of promoting a business or product ever imagined.

And most of realize that that the power of social media, applied to commerce, transforms geographic distance and can even restore an “Olde Time” sense of community. Angie’s List has acquired more gravitas, more impact than the Better Business Bureau (remember them?). And as generations can attest, the vendor your distant cousin used, is the one you will use, if you have no other input on the matter.

So how does this matter to entrepreneurs?

Your customers are your ambassadors. The statistics are obvious: celebrities and athlete role models can absolutely drive brand and sales. But when you can’t afford these famous people, there’s nothing better than a paying customer.

So why would a paying customer even bother to Like you on Facebook (or join your Network on Linkedin, for the business-to-business set)? Why would they help you sell your next widget (or sign your next deal)?

The cruel answer is that they won’t.

(Coke and other established brands just can’t seem to understand this, despite research that proves their customer social media chatter doesn’t help them).

Anything after this… is a favor. Frankly, if you ask, you’ll owe them. (dirty little secret: it’s the asking that implies the favor… even if they don’t follow through, you’ll owe them. Ugh.)

And that’s after you have convinced them that you’re worthy. And then pushed them to take action… on the favor you’ve asked them to do. And risk annoying them.

But: there’s another way.

It’s called gratitude, and it is universal. And it’s worked for centuries… despite the more “recent” research that helps defend this essential human emotion. You may find yesterday’s fascinating article in the New York Times illuminating: it describes the Professor Adam Grant and his research on empathy and the gift of giving.

How does this work?

My client, struggling to promote his awesome but expensive products, realized that he can increase sales, promote his brand, and reward his customers by a simple concept: he invites his presumably happy customers to personally convey to their specially-chosen friends… a substantial and significant discount with a special coupon.

And he doesn’t discount. Ever. He owns a luxury brand, and there is absolutely no point in discounting, ever. Well, never is a long time, but I can tell you I can’t remember the last time I saw BMW or Patagonia discounting. Yes, retailers offer Patagonia on discount (picked up a tasty sweater a few months ago) but I and everyone else attribute that kind of discounting to the retailer, not the brand. The Patagonia and BMW brands are definitely not discount.

But you can get one of his products on deep, deep discount… if you know someone. Like a dear friend. Who already bought. A happy customer. That’s the only way.

And there is the genius. Rather than the vendor being magnanimous and generous… he empowers the customer to be generous.

The customer is the hero, not the brand. The customer gives the gift, not the company. The reward for buying… is to be able to give.

And the customer thinks carefully (only one coupon is provided) about who is the worthy recipient…

Which:

Increases the likelihood the coupon will actually be used, i.e. gets another sale

Rewards the customer’s initiative to buy in the first place

Reinforces the customer’s buy decision with special recognition, now they are the member of a club

Supercharges the Word-of-Mouth, with a call to action (coupon expires soon)

The recipient receives this gift from a friend, from an intimate. This gives the coupon itself a kind of gravitas that far out-weighs the endorsement provided by a celebrity, a review service such as Angie’s List, or even a product review by a branded media outlet. And it is far, far beyond a mere Facebook “Like”.

Ultimately this is about broadening the customer base, spreading good will. It isn’t about discounting. In fact, I recommend against providing current customers discounts (how exactly would that be a good idea?).

And broadening the customer base with positive interaction is how you build a great brand.

This method works for products or services. And especially well for any differentiated offering. Seth Godin in Purple Cow goes farther and says that the product or service must be remarkable, a purple cow in a sea of brown cows. And that it can’t be “painted purple after the fact” – it has to be inherently and authentically unique. And that this will drive explosive Word-of-Mouth.

If you offer unusual quality for your market segment or geography (e.g. custom home building, top-tier outdoor apparel, a tree-trimming service staffed by botanists), or if your offering is relatively expensive (e.g. BMW automobiles, yachts), or if your customers are highly selective because of the nature of your offering (e.g. hair stylists, massage therapists, highly-ranked legal counsel) you will benefit from this method to broaden your customer base and deepen your relationship with your customers. I’ve seen it work.

Help your customers give you to your next customer. And be sure to thank them.

It is my belief that nearly every question asked of you, in almost every situation, should be answered with these four words. Circumstances and context will determine if you should answer the specific question first, and then use the magic four words, or use the four words even before answering the question.

I promise: if you adapt this as a practice, you will change the course of your career. Quite possibly your life. And you will be a better friend, a better partner to your spouse, and a far better parent.

I came to this insight the hard way. I missed opportunities, derailed potential partnerships, and slowed potential sales… sometimes fatally. I count my failures in both professional situations, and personal ones.

And like so many practices, just because I have learned the importance of this practice… doesn’t mean it is easy. I have found that I must constantly practice this art, this method… in each important conversation.

Why Do You Ask?

The practice of asking that question — just four short words — is the key to unlocking what is in the depth of a question. And it leads to real conversations, which in turn will have depth.

This practice invokes several key attributes of a high-quality conversation with another person:

Respect for the questioner, that their question matters

Curiosity

Active listening

A suspension of your arrogance or hubris

You gain all four of these attributes when you answer the question… and ask why they asked the question. There is almost always a question behind the question.

For example, when a potential employee asks about the health benefits offered in your company, do you leap to answer with the facts about the program, either in an elegant summary or a detailed comprehensive answer… before asking why? The question may indeed be innocuous and literal… or it may be because the candidate turned down a recent job offer because the benefits were inadequate. Wouldn’t you like to know that before you answered, or before they leave the meeting?

In a similar situation, I often see entrepreneurs launch into a defensive answer about their product pricing with little more than an innocent question from a prospect who says “What about pricing?” They miss the opportunity to understand the basics of the question — indeed there may be a concern about pricing, but its also possible that the real information is that the potential customer is at the earliest stages of research and seeks ballpark pricing for a budget request for next year, or the year after. The context of the question may affect how you answer.

You see, almost everyone avoids asking the real question they want to ask. Or they don’t want us to know why they’re asking, out of habit or strategy. For many reasons they either overtly or subconsciously cloak the true basis of their question with… a polite question.

People blessed by nature or nurture with a high “EQ” (Emotional Quotient) understand that the first step to depth in a relationship, even a first-time business meeting, is empathy. And that empathy is in part about seeing the situation from the other person’s perspective. It is emphatically not about providing the other person with facts, an opinion, or the right answer. Slow down, and make sure you understand the question from their perspective. Why Do You Ask?

Engineers, analytic minds, and those who were straight-A students in school are often drawn into a question, hearing it as a literal, formal question, and leaping to answer it. They’ve been waiting for “good questions”! You can almost see them waving their arm in a desperate attempt to get the teacher to call on them, so they can demonstrate their mastery of the topic, and provide the correct (and often numbingly comprehensive) answer.

I blame the American culture and education system, where “getting an A”, being right, and “achieving” is supposedly the ultimate in self-actualization, and in turn has bred this instinct to answer the question quickly and forcefully. Slow down.

Sure, answer the question in as brief a form as possible, and then respect the intelligence and intentions of the questioner with… your own question: “but Why Do You Ask?”

Better yet, pose Why do You Ask? before answering the question at all. Together, you may discover the original question isn’t relevant, or perhaps even distracting.

Be curious, set aside your confidence that you know why they asked (isn’t it obvious?), be humble in the awareness that there may be far more to the question than you could ever know.

In February, 1999 one of the smartest and most accomplished “young” venture capitalists in Silicon Valley agreed to meet with me, as a favor to his colleague and our mutual friend, Ed Kozel, then the recently exited CTO of Cisco. I had just co-founded a venture capital firm, and wanted to expand my network of co-investors. Ed was doing me a big favor; ordinarily a tiny, unproven venture firm from Seattle wouldn’t have had a chance of getting this meeting.

Michael Moritz of Sequoia was as sharp, curious, and engaged as his reputation made him out to be; I knew that I was very lucky to be hosted for the visit in their offices. We were both cordial and comfortable, and it was a pleasant conversation. After I provided a brief summary of my past, we got down to the good stuff — and one of Moritz’s questions was whether there was a future in “search” as a business.

I had just sold my second startup to Infoseek / Walt Disney. Quando was a boutique, customized search technology (we found events such as concerts, and pricing for products used in comparison shopping). I remember thinking to myself “Hey, good question. I mean, I actually know something about this stuff, and I also know that Infoseek has already started to ignore their search engine group… search as a business is almost over.”

I couldn’t tell you exactly what I said, but I know this: it was off the top of my head, I didn’t pause before answering, and I didn’t put much thought into it. In fact, I can’t remember what I said. But I was confident and pushed on, watching to see of what he made of my answer. I will confess, I was eager to impress.

The gist of my answer was: I didn’t think there was much future in search. Moritz asked again, this time asking if paying to be included in the results from a search engine could work as a business. Again, I was dismissive… after all, we couldn’t figure out how to do it, so we hadn’t even tried to charge for search results, and instead we re-sold our search services wholesale to portals like America Online and Disney, which gave the search results away to their users.

Moritz pressed me at least a third time, maybe even a fourth… but I continued to be negative, imagining more dumb banner ads in the manner that they were displayed in 1999… I saw a look cross his face that I didn’t understand, but the meeting soon ended, and I was ushered out the door.

I never spoke to Moritz again, and of course like everyone else, a couple of months later I read about his lead role in the first venture capital investment in a Stanford startup called Google. $25 million invested in search.

Please understand that during the entire meeting I never asked Michael Moritz a single question. I didn’t pose a single Why Do You Ask? to his questions, even when they were repeated. I wasn’t curious, I wasn’t respectful, and I wasn’t really listening. And I wanted an “A” in this class.

In the end, not only did I not really get anything out of the meeting (and neither did he, obviously)… but I missed an opportunity to learn about one of the most explosive business models in human history, from one of the people at the epicenter. I missed the opportunity to deepen my relationship with an individual whom I admired and from whom I could have learned a great deal from in subsequent years. I even disrespected the favor Ed did by arranging the meeting in the first place. I whiffed this ball.

And it was a slow, underhand pitch.

I can give you countless other examples in my personal and professional past where I was too eager to answer the literal question, especially when I knew the answer, and as a result, missed the multiple opportunities that emerge when you are curious.

The thing is, I am curious, to my core. I had the motive, but not the skills or the craft.

Adopt these four words as your practice, and use them both at home and in the office. More than an attractive new habit, dedicate yourself to making this kind of interaction your skill and your craft. And I guarantee you will deepen your relationships and enjoy more opportunities than you otherwise would. Really.

“It’s common to hear “follow your bliss” or “do what you love and success follows.” Sounds great, right? Except here’s one small detail: You never get to know if it’s ever going to happen. You don’t get to choose if and in what form the success manifests; you don’t get to choose when it arrives.”

— Jeff Lin

In my newsletter last week I addressed the issue of startup founders with insufficient passion… you might want to read the thoughtful piece by Jeff, from which the quote above was pulled:

Jeff relates his view of the director Ang Lee, whom he interviewed before he was “successful” and operating at scale, and reveals vital information about Lee’s journey which you may not know. And whether you are a lone wolf entrepreneur, or a leader fighting to break through, Jeff has some perspective you’ll want to ponder.

(He’s also a great writer, and the piece is thought-provoking even if you are not an entrepreneur)

As a venture capitalist, I met many engineers attempting to raise money for their startup tech company dream. A pattern quickly emerged, which I hadn’t expected. They couldn’t tell me why they wanted to start a company.

Often there was no passion as they struggled to explain Why. And frankly, their explanation often sounded scripted. Understandably, they were trying to tell me what they thought I wanted to hear – a common symptom when founders are trying to raise money.

As the pattern further developed, I eventually realized that they weren’t capitalists. Almost none could tell me what their business model was for their company, let alone tell it with passion. The simple reason: they weren’t passionate about the business.

This alone wasn’t reason enough to turn them down, but it was a huge red flag. You won’t find many successful businesses, let alone high-risk speculative startups, without a passionate leader to take them through the very tough parts. They have to really, really want it.

In fact, one prominent angel investor I work with told me years ago that he has never lost money when the founder was pursuing his or her passion – its not his only requirement for investing, but it is his most important one.

As it turned out, I found that many startup founders were primarily motivated by the desire to have independence. Simply put, they wanted to control what they worked on, to choose who they worked with, and even the office space in which they worked.

And they didn’t realize it.

There are two problems with this. First, they’re usually not going to get funded. Passion for obsessive control is not a successful investment criteria for any investor (regardless of the homilies for Steve Jobs).

Second, if they somehow succeed in getting funded due to special circumstances (e.g. misrepresenting their motive of control; a frothy market for investment in the category; luck) they will be replaced as the leader by their investors at the first opportunity.

And this is truly unfortunate. Reputations will suffer, months or even years of work will be sacrificed, and often teams will splinter irreparably, despite long-term relationships. And the founder won’t get what they wanted in the first place!

This is just one example of misery due to not understanding what you Really Want. There are others…

You probably know a lawyer or two who are miserable in their chosen profession, despite having loved law school.

Engineers who discover they love teaching far more than working as an engineer.

And technical founders that never really wanted to run a business and revel in capitalism.

Often this can be avoided by a practice of mindful choices, along with a few tools.

Wants

Most of my clients are familiar with a simple, but demanding exercise I take them through. I’ll summarize the key concepts for you here:

First, we need to distinguish between what we Want from what we Need. Wants are aspirational, often thoughtful and informed.

For instance, if asked, most entrepreneurs will say that they Want “Integrity” in their life. After all, who would say they don’t want to act with integrity? Other examples include the Want for “Creating”, “To Be Appreciated” and “Financial Success”.

The exercise I use guides you through the thought experiment of trading off various Wants against each other, so that you can decide their relative importance in your future decisions. A simplistic example would be “Choose one of Rich and Famous, but not both… which do you want?”

There is no right answer, and so the exercise is to determine your most important Wants.

Of course, you could avoid the hard work, and make a list of 20 or even 30 aspirational goals, something like “To always act with integrity, while becoming rich and famous, and controlling every single thing and also being appreciated as a loving sensitive person who can relate to anyone… etc. etc.” but it wouldn’t be very practical. Or realistic.

And the research shows that we can handle a limited number of goals and aspirations at any given time; I usually suggest no more than five.

Part of the exercise is designed to “get around” the intellectual, analytic part of our mind that tries to run most of the decision-making and goal-making in our lives… and get to latent Wants that have gone unnoticed because it’s not part of the intellectual, theoretical view of ourselves that we hold (or that we inherited from our parents).

Clients often uncover Wants that are deeply meaningful and touching, that didn’t make their first draft list of the most important. This is when individuals sometimes realize (for instance) that they’ve always loved teaching; they’ve always loved tinkering; they’ve always loved creating products.

Now we’re getting somewhere!

(And my investor colleagues would be interested in hearing about a startup that taps a founder’s life-long passion).

Needs

The second aspect of this topic is understanding your underlying Needs. Needs are the fundamental requirements that you can’t modify.

For example, one of my clients knows from long experience that she “needs” demanding cardio exercise at least every other day, if not 5-6 days a week. Without enough of it, her physical self affects her mental self, and thus professional effectiveness, even her personal relationships. She becomes edgy, even a little depressed. If you aren’t like this, you probably know someone who is. This isn’t a “Want” because it isn’t aspirational, and she can’t really “control” it in any simple way, it is an underlying drive.

A darker example of a Need would be an alcoholic that needs a drink, or really any addiction, including the addiction to always be working.

We will do almost anything for a Need – such as those previously described Founders who fib to their investors (and/or themselves) about their Need for control.

The relevance of the Need is that we want to understand it, without judgment.

Why? Simply put, Needs that aren’t understood and identified, have a habit of sabotaging our work, our journey, and our relationships. Regardless of whether it is a positive Need such as needing daily exercise, or a negative Need, such as controlling every small detail in product development, the first step is identifying it.

This part can be tough – our self-image, let alone our professional image or “brand” may not easily accommodate the insights about our Needs.

This process must be confidential, or the client will avoid the less flattering Needs or may not be able to admit to themselves what they really Want for fear of being seen impractical, greedy, or even unworthy. This is one of the reasons why this can be very hard work.

But it is essential. Even if there are no grand revelations, and the Wants and Needs documented through the exercise were known to the client all along, the clarity and written record creates a measuring stick that can be applied to future decisions.

I often encourage clients to review their final Wants/Needs inventory on a periodic basis, and when faced with a difficult decision. They can remind themselves why they may be tilting in a particular way on the decision, and with this self-awareness, make a better decision consistent with their long-term goals.

And those unfundable technical founders I kept meeting in venture capital pitches? They were mistaking their Need for control to be a Want for entrepreneurial work.

They will be far more successful if they find a role where their control requirements are a welcome attribute, or by partnering with an entrepreneurial leader who is passionate about capitalism. And in the end, they’ll be far more happy, getting what they really Need.

I’ve been ruminating on why I so thoroughly love my job… and this morning I received another reminder.

One of my clients related how he landed a client this week, following a methodology for presenting his proposal & price. He got the project he wanted, at the price he wanted, and the kind of client he wanted. It was his first sale.

Ever.

In fact, he hasn’t even left his current employer; he’s been developing his new start-up for months (years?) and was still developing concepts… when an opportunity arose.

Me? My role was helping him understand the sales cycle, the role of the proposal… specifically content, timing, and how-to-present. He confessed it didn’t seem natural to him, and the methodology flew in the face of what he knew of “sales” (largely informed by Hollywood). But he held the faith, and did it.
And nailed it.

I can’t tell you the deep satisfaction it gave me to hear this. About 1,000% more satisfying than if I had done the deed. It’s one thing to do it yourself; it’s quite another to help someone tap your years of experience and do it themselves. Then you know you what you do, and how you do it, matters.

I’ll be talking more about how this happens, and why, in a future newsletter.

I’m trying “Gun Violence” as the search term, and I’m getting updates in my email from each of the relevant agencies… and what I get is the actual document, such as the President’s radio address, should it mention “Gun Violence”.

I get one or two a day, as it happens (the way I configured the alert).

Regardless of where you stand on this issue, you may want to keep track of what is going on… from the original sources.