Friday, September 26, 2008

Campaign Update!

So hello everybody guess what it's Harry!

It has been really busy here at Fibertarian Party headquarters because Dolores got sort of distracted for a while right after the convention. I mean it was not her fault everything was going great and we were trying to figure out who should be the vice president candidate, and that is tricky because honestly nobody wanted to do it. (I mean I would have done but since I came from Germany they said I can't be president so I can't be vice president and I think that stinks. I mean it is not like I have an accent you know.)

So our convention was over already and we were still trying to figure out who would be a good choice as veep (I love to say that veep veep veep veep veep) and then the Republicans had their convention and well Dolores just got so mad. Because you know there was all this cheering and stuff and this lady came out and she was the person they want to be vice president. They dropped balloons all over her they were so excited.

And you have never seen Dolores get so mad!!!! She said if this country wants to elect a loudmouth hypocritical fading beauty queen with a violent streak and funny glasses and a largely fictitious biography well goddammit (sorry I am quoting) I was here first and I am going to sue for copyright violation.

Then she said she was going to the Lucky Horseshoe to plan out her case and we didn't see her again for a long time.

And while she was gone we went ahead and picked Mrs Teitelbaum as the veep (veep veep veep veep) candidate because she was born in Mattoon Illinois so she's American and Lana the campaign manager said apparently in this day in age any moron who can walk across a stage and read off a teleprompter is qualified for high office and I said you know sometimes Mrs Teitelbaum isn't so good at reading or walking and Lana said to shut up.

So now Dolores is back home and she is looking to go on the road and do some campaigning! But see after the convention expenses we only have about $5 in the kitty (meow! hee hee) so she is going to have to travel by mail.

Okay it is not really Dolores. She would cost a lot of money to mail she is pretty heavy. It is a cut-out picture of Dolores, but she says if people would mail her around and take pictures of her in different places and then we could post them online and it would look like she is traveling and nobody would know the difference as long as you don't tell the media shhhhhhhh.

So she wants to do this all through October and we need to organize quick so if you are interested in hosting her you should please write to us at franklin at franklinhabit daht cahm and tell us your city and state and we will let you know more.*** Remember you have to send email not just leave a comment. And you should know you would need to make sure that you get a digital picture of Dolores to send us in about 2-3 days and then you will be responsible for sending her along to the next stop, okay? You have to promise!

If you do it you will get a big campaign button that Franklin is making that is only for the people who host the campaign tour, nobody else will ever get one, and he says that the button and seven dollars will get you a hamburger pretty much anywhere in America.

So I guess that is all for now okay thank you for reading and I hope you will stay tuned and watch as we march to victory in the White House except don't tell Dolores but right now I am kind of leaning toward Obama.

*** Okay everybody I just had to pull Franklin out from under his desk because I guess there's like 240 offers already and so if you could just hold off now while we sort it all out that would be neato okay thanks! And boy you are sure an enthusiastic bunch Dolores is going to be so excited!

I'm in, but more to the point - would Dolores consider coming to Rhinebeck? We would totally love to host a campaign appearance / photo-op in our booth. We would even be prepared to lock up the booze. Or unlock the booze, as the case may be.

I love how you can change your "voice" so that in the first five words I already knew it was Harry speaking. And I'm intrigued that anybody else writing without a comma in sight makes me want to yank out my hair and scream, but somehow when Harry does it, it's breathless and funny and cute...

Usually it's an advantage to live so close to where you are, but this time-- well, anyplace I could reasonably take Dolores, so could you.

Florida would love to host Dolores. I just emailed you. Where I am (Pinellas County) is and important swing vote area. All presidential candidates come here to campaign. If Dolores really wants to make it to the White House, a stop here is a must!

My God, Sarah Palin is a Dolores impersonator! I hadn't picked up on the uncanny similarities until now. By the way, will Dolores be taking part in the Presidential debates? If McCain cancels it would be a great opportunity for Dolores to get center stage exposure. Maybe she can get on the Letterman Show. He is mad as all get out at McCain.

I've been reading a lot of David Baldacci novels, and think you need to find some former CIA/NIC/FBI operatives (think steel dpns) to shiv the opponents. Or maybe that kitty to tangle the opposition's lines of bs.)

Rofl! It's probably too late to get in on this, but I live near Williamsburg, VA, where they have the "Birthplace of our Country" thing going on. It would have been hysterical to take her either there or Yorktown Battlefield....

I just e-mailed you too, and believe me when I say, she'll get a LOT of support here in Mad-town. The fact that she's Romney, and a sheep, and you know, sort of *imaginary* makes NO DIFFERENCE! I can promise I am going to vote for her. AND Mrs Teitelbaum, even if she can't see Russia from her house. She sounds like someone who makes a mean matzoh ball, and therefore has my vote. (Other years I've wanted to write in Teddy Roosevelt; his own flaw is death, but we're liberal here.)

How about a DIY cutout copy of Dolores? If you could provide a virtual Dolores online, those of us too late to host campaign stops by the original plan could, perhaps, print out a Dolores-look-alike and take photos of those. By the power of the intertwebs, Dolores could be in many places at once.

I live in AZ...and would love to host her! McCain's place is just 15 minutes from here, seeing her at his drive way would be a kicker..but alas..I have no digital camera, nor does my cell phone do anything with Pics!

I also was too late to sign up for the campaign. So I think having more than one Dolores is a great idea! Maybe there could be a different Dolores for each part of the country, so more people could sign up and play.

I know you indicated that you have plenty of volunteers - but I live outside DC - so I am throwing my hat into the ring (so to speak). I would definitely be able to add some inside the beltway clout :) ! Please let me know. Claire (ClaireLeah@gmail.com)

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